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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..eff5ac9 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #54332 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/54332) diff --git a/old/54332-0.txt b/old/54332-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index b6b63ec..0000000 --- a/old/54332-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2488 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's The Æsculapian Labyrinth Explored, by Gregory Glyster - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Æsculapian Labyrinth Explored - Medical Mystery Illustrated - -Author: Gregory Glyster - -Release Date: March 9, 2017 [EBook #54332] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ÆSCULAPIAN LABYRINTH EXPLORED *** - - - - -Produced by deaurider, Les Galloway and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - - - THE - ÆSCULAPIAN LABYRINTH EXPLORED; - - OR, - - MEDICAL MYSTERY ILLUSTRATED. - - IN A SERIES OF INSTRUCTIONS TO - - YOUNG PHYSICIANS, SURGEONS, ACCOUCHERS, APOTHECARIES, - DRUGGISTS, AND PRACTITIONERS OF EVERY - DENOMINATION, IN TOWN AND COUNTRY. - - INTERSPERSED WITH A VARIETY OF - - RISIBLE ANECDOTES AFFECTING THE FACULTY. - - INSCRIBED - TO THE COLLEGE OF WIGS, - BY - GREGORY GLYSTER, - AN OLD PRACTITIONER. - - “TWENTY MORE! KILL THEM TOO.”——BOBADIL. - - LONDON: - PRINTED FOR G. KEARSLEY, NO. 46, FLEET-STREET. - - MDCCLXXXIX. - - [PRICE THREE SHILLINGS AND SIX-PENCE.] - - - - -TO THE COLLEGE OF WIGS. - - - “Most potent, grave, and reverend signiors, - “My very noble and approved good” Doctors. - - -The solemnity of your somniferous aspects, no less than the -professional gravity of your external ornaments, lay claim to a bow -of obedient recollection in passing through W—— k-lane to public -inspection. As one of the most _popular_ descendants from your great -progenitor, permit me to acknowledge, I revere the _vast extent_ of -your _medical abilities_; that I feel most forcibly the _enormous -weight_ of your _accumulated learning_, and _tremble_ at the very idea -of your _experimental abilities_. - -Condescend, dread Sirs, to sanction this analization of _Æsculapian -imposition_ and _medical mystery_, with such proof of approbation, as -the dignity of a _diploma_, and the muscular rigidity of _physical -countenance_ will permit you to bestow; nor let it be the less entitled -to your favor, that a long list of _valetudinarians_ (to whom you are -daily pensioners) become partakers of the _banquet of mirth_; or the -small fry of _pharmacopolists_ (your humble dependents) _for once_ -permitted to take a seat at the _same table_ with yourselves. - -Anxiously solicitous to obtain belief, that - - “I shall nothing extenuate, - “Nor set down aught in malice,” - -you may in justice conclude me, - - _Sage Sirs!_ - - Your very candid, - - And obedient representative, - - GREGORY GLYSTER. - - - - - THE - - ÆSCULAPIAN LABYRINTH - - EXPLORED. - - -TO THE PHYSICIAN. - - -Having passed the tedious years of abstruse study and intense -application, necessary to your initiation in the mysteries of physic, -and replete with a perfect remembrance of all the requisites to this -_great art_, we suppose you recently emerged from the obscurity of -_dreary walls_ and _dull professors_, a phenomænon of universal -knowledge and _family_ admiration. The various and elaborate -examinations you have passed, with scholastic approbation, having -relieved you from the constantly accumulating load of anxiety, you are -at length launched into life under a new character, and daily pant -to display the dignity of your profession, in the happy appendage of -_M. D._ to the prescriptive initials of your name. - -You are no longer to be considered a student labouring in the heavy -trammels of _unintelligible_ lectures upon _philosophy_, _anatomy_, -_botany_, _chemistry_, and the _materia medica_, with all their -distinct and consequent advantages; or investigating the actual -properties of _electrical fire_ and MAGNETIC ENTHUSIASM, but stamped -(by royal authority) with the full force of physical agency, and have -derived from your _merit_ unlimited permission to _cure_, “_kill_ or -_destroy_,” to the best of your knowledge and abilities, “so help you -“God.” The professional path you now begin to tread, is so replete -with danger, and the probability of success so very uncertain, that -the fertile world have not omitted to make it proverbial, “A physician -never begins to get bread, till he has no “teeth to eat it.” The truth -of this may perhaps have been _lamentingly_ acknowledged by some of the -most _learned men_ that ever became dependant upon a _capricious_ world -for _precarious_ subsistance. - -This palpable fact may concisely serve to convince you, your -embarkation (with all its alluring prospects) will not only be -encumbered with difficulties, but your ultimate gratification of -success exceedingly doubtful. Great depth of learning may afford -consolation to the equity of your own feelings (if you fortunately -possess them) but it is by no means necessary to the acquisition of -_public opinion_, however it may tend to contribute to the general good. - -To avoid entering into a sentimental disquisition upon the _honesty_, -_integrity_, or _strict propriety_ of the maxims I proceed to lay -down for your future conduct to obtain professional splendour, and -_insure success_; I avail myself of the privilege I possess, to wave -every consideration of the _conscientious kind_, and once more observe -(without adverting to their consistency) they are adduced only as the -unavoidable traits of character, and modes of behaviour, by which alone -(in the present age) you can possibly hope for the least proportional -share of practice as a physician. - -At your first public entré, when the college list and court calendar -have announced your qualifications and advancement to the wondering -world (that such list should annually increase) let your friends -and relatives be doubly assiduous in propagating reports (almost -incredible) of your _great humanity_, _extensive abilities_, and -_unbounded benevolence_.—This will answer the intended purpose to a -certainty; crouds of the afflicted and necessitous will surround your -habitation, and render your place of residence constantly remarkable to -all classes, who naturally enquiring the character of the proprietor, -will eagerly extol your charity in contributing your “advice to the -poor GRATIS.” - -This method alone will gain you popularity with those that rank in the -line of mediocrity; with _their superiors_, success must be insured -more from the efforts of _interest_, than either _personal merit_, or -_sound policy_. Your attention to the wants of the poor, must soon -be regulated by the preponderation of more weighty considerations; -as you _affected_ to alleviate their distresses from the motive of -commiseration, prompting you to promote _their ease_, you have an -undoubted right to shake off such superfluous visits, to secure _your -own_. In this deceptive charity, some degree of discrimination must be -put in practice, for you will sometimes perceive one among the train, -whose apparel or behaviour must necessarily give you reason to suspect -he has assumed the cloak of necessity to save _his fee_, and avail -himself of your professional liberality in such case, call to your -aid a look of true _medical austerity_, and let him understand “advice -is seldom of any value or “effect unless it is paid for;” this will -frequently answer the purpose, and procure what you did not expect. - -On the contrary, so soon as you observe your prescriptions have -“_worked wonders_” upon two or three of the most _credulous_ and -_superstitious_, who are extolling your _great knowledge_ and -“blessing _your honour_,” strengthen the _force_ of your judgment by -_charitably obtruding_ a pecuniary corroboration into the hand of your -afflicted patient, as a confirmation of your _unbounded skill_ in -the (_miraculous_) cure of every disease to which the human frame is -incident. By such _political_ practice, you insure the recital of your -services with extacy, and your name reverberates from one end of the -metropolis to the other. - -Your person and place of residence, being by these means universally -known, and your name become in a proportional degree popular, let -your plan and mode of behaviour be instantly changed; it will be now -necessary - - “You “assume a” hurry “if you have it not,” - -Take care to be so exceedingly engaged with patients of the _first -class and eminence_, that “it is with difficulty you procure time -sufficient for the common purposes and gratifications of nature.” No -paupers _whatever_ can be admitted to your presence without a written -recommendation from _nobility_, or characters of the _first fortune_; -this will insure you no farther intrusion from a class originally -introduced for your _particular purpose_; that effected, they may now -be permitted to fall into the back ground of the picture; from whence -they were brought for no other motive than the promotion of your -personal interest and professional emolument. - -It becomes your particular care to be always in a _hurry_; let your -chariot (if you can fortunately raise one) _upon job_, be at the door -regularly by nine in the morning; to prove how very much you are -attached to the duties of your profession, and how anxiously you have -the _salubrity_ of your patients _at heart_.—Omit no one circumstance -that can contribute to a shew of being perpetually engaged. Letters -written by _yourself_, and messengers of your _own dispatching_, -cannot be seen at your doors too frequently; the chariot should be -as repeatedly ordered—remember to leave home by _one way_, and -return by _another_, and equally _in haste_; all these stratagems are -considered peculiar privileges of the _College of Wigs_, and are well -worthy your attention and constant practice. You need hardly be told, -the superficial and unthinking part of mankind are ever caught by -appearances; what proportion they bear to other distinctions, need not -in the present instance be at all ascertained. - -Having laid down rules (that should be rigidly persevered in) for the -regulation of your _public character_, I shall now advert to the strict -line of conduct it will be proper for you to adopt in your personal -transactions upon all professional emergencies. - -When called to a patient upon the recommendation of the family -apothecary, you are to consider him one of your best friends, and _pay -court to him_ accordingly; on the contrary, if you are engaged upon the -spontaneous opinion of the patient, or his relatives, you have every -reason to conclude the abilities of the apothecary are held in very -slender estimation, and you may safely venture to display as much of -your _own consequence_ and superiority, as circumstances will admit. - -After the awkward ceremony of your first appearance is over, and -matters a little adjusted, take great care to be upon your guard; -indulge in a variety of _significant gestures_, and _emphatical -hems!_—and _hahs!_ proving you possessed of _singularities_, that -may tend to excite ideas in the patient and surrounding friends, -that _a physician_ is a superior part of the creation.——Let _every -action_, _every word_, _every look_, be strongly marked, denoting -doubt and ambiguity; proceed to the necessary enquiries of “what -has been done in rule and regimen, previous to your being called -in?” hear the recital with patience, and give your _nod of assent_, -lest you make Mr. Emetic, the apothecary, your formidable enemy, who -will then _most conscientiously_ omit to recommend the assistance of -such _extraordinary abilities_ on any future occasion.—Take care -to _look wisdom_ in every feature; speak but little, and let it be -impossible _that little_ should be understood; let every hint, every -_shrug_ be carefully calculated to give the hearers a wonderful -opinion of your learning and experience.—In your _half-heard_ and -mysterious conversation with your _medical inferior_, do not forget -to drop a few observations upon—“the animal œconomy”—“circulation -of the blood”—“acrimony”—“the non naturals”—“stricture upon the -parts”—“acute pain”—“inflammatory heat”—“nervous irritability,” and -all those _technical traps_ that fascinate the hearers, and render the -patient yours ad libitum. - -To the friends or relatives of the diseased, (as the case may be) -you seriously apprehend _great danger_; but such apprehension is -not without its portion of _hope_; and you doubt not, but a rigid -perseverance in the plan you shall prescribe, will reconcile all -difficulties in a few days, and restore the patient (whose recovery you -have exceedingly at heart) to his health and friends; that you will -embrace the earliest opportunity to see him again, most probably at -such an hour, (naming it) in the mean time you are in a great degree -happy to leave him in such good hands as _Mr. Emetic_, to whom you -shall give every necessary direction, and upon whose _integrity_ and -_punctuality_ you can implicitly rely. - -You then require a private apartment for your necessary consultation -and plan of _joint depredation_ upon the pecuniary property of your -unfortunate invalid, which you are now going _seriously_ to attack with -the full force of _physic_ and _finesse_. You first learn from your -informant what has been hitherto done without effect, and determine -accordingly how to proceed; but in this, great respect must be paid to -the temper, as well as the constitution and circumstances, of your -intended _prey_; if he be of a petulant and refractory disposition, -submitting to medical dictation upon absolute compulsion, as a -professed enemy to physic and the faculty, let your harvest be _short_, -and complete as possible. On the contrary, should a _hypochondriac_ be -your subject, with the long train of melancholic doubts, fears, hopes, -and despondencies, avail yourself of the faith implicitly placed in -you, and regulate your proceedings by the force of _his imagination_; -let your prescription (by its length and variety) reward your _jackall_ -for his present attention and future services.—Take care to furnish -the frame so amply with _physic_, that _food_ may be unnecessary; -let every hour (or two) have its destined appropriation—render all -possible forms of the _materia medica_ subservient to the general -good—_draughts_—_powders_—_drops_, and _pills_, may be given (at -least) every two hours; intervening _apozems_, or _decoctions_, may -have their utility; if no other advantage is to be expected, one good -will be clearly ascertained, the convenience of having the _nurse_ -kept constantly awake, and if _one medicine_ is not productive of -success, _another may_. These are surely alternatives well worthy -your attention, being admirably calculated for the promotion of your -_patient’s cure_ and your _own reputation_. - -Having written your long prescription, and learnt from Mr. Emetic -every necessary information, you return to the room of your patient, -to prove your attention, and renew your admonitions of punctuality and -submission;—then receiving your _fee_ with a consequential _air of -indifference_, you take your leave; not omitting to drop an additional -assurance, that “you shall not be _remiss_ in your attendance.” These, -Sir, are the instructions you must steadily pursue, if you possess -an ardent desire to become _eminent_ in your _profession_—_opulent_ -in your _circumstances_—_formidable_ to your _competitors_, or a -_valuable practitioner_ to the _Company_ of _Apothecaries_, from -whom you are to expect the foundation of support. A multiplicity of -additional hints might be added for your minute observance; but such -a variety will present themselves in the course of practice, that a -retrospective view of diurnal occurrences will sufficiently furnish you -with every possible information for your future progress; regulating -your behaviour, by the rank of your patients, from the _most_ pompous -_personal ostentation_, to the meanest and _most contemptible -servility_. - - - - -TO THE SURGEON. - - -I congratulate you upon your recent emancipation from incessant study, -intense application, and strict _hospital_ attendance, where I shall -willingly suppose, you was a _dresser_ of the most promising abilities; -that you excelled your cotemporaries in every _chirurgical_ opinion, -became an expert _dissecting_ pupil to one of the _court of examiners_, -and are now burst through the cloud of your original obscurity, a -perfect prodigy of _anatomical_ disquisition. - -I naturally conclude you capable of animadverting upon all the -distinct branches of your art to admiration, that you are critically -excellent in the use of an _instrument_ from the humble act of simple -_phlebotomy_, to the more important operation for a _fistula in -ano_.—You have, beyond every shadow of doubt, paid proper attention to -the fashionable precepts of the late Lord Chesterfield, and rendered -yourself (with assistance from the graces) a perfect adept in polite -address, displaying a variety of the most engaging attitudes, even in -the adjustment of a _ten tailed bandage_. The professional information -you have industriously collected, is such as will certainly afford you -the most equitable claims upon _public opinion_, being in possession of -every necessary acquisition from a _simple gonorrhœa_ to a _confirmed -lues_. - -Previous to your solicitation of favour from your friends, you have -necessarily passed the awful ceremony of examination at the _Old -Bailey_, under your former tutor (and his brethren of the court) -who would not pay his _own abilities_ so improper a compliment as -to ask you questions in _anatomy_ or _osteology_, that he knew your -qualifications inadequate to the task of technically explaining. -After passing this _fiery ordeal_, you deposit the usual _pecuniary -gratuity_, and receiving the _badge_ of your newly acquired _honor_, we -now hail you “_a Member of the Corporation of Surgeons_,” and conclude -an ornamental plate upon the door of your habitation denotes you so -accordingly. - -We suppose you embarking in a sea of spirited opposition, with your -competitors, for professional celebrity, and decorating your place -of residence in the most applicable stile to attract attention. To -effect this, let your exterior apartments be ornamented with the -_busts_ of _ancients_ you _never read_, and _portraits_ of _moderns_ -that you _never knew_. These form an excellent combination to -excite the admiration and report of those who have occasion to court -the assistance of your extensive abilities.—To gradually heighten -which surprize, your interior (or _audit room_) must be a perfect -_Golgotha_.—A proficiency in the science of _osteology_, must be -powerfully impressed upon the senses of the trembling visitors, by -a _profusion_ of _skeletons_ in different states; let the awfulness -of the scene be rendered still more striking, by a variety of -subjects suspended in spirits, interspersed with singular _anatomical -and injected preparations_, both wet and dry; giving to the whole -additional force by the introduction of a “_few ill shaped fishes_,” -as the finishing stroke to a well formed plan of _chirurgical -ostentation_. Remember to let the _certificates_ of your professional -qualifications, from your different _lecturing tutors_, be so placed -(in elegant frames) as to meet the eye in a conspicuous direction; -lest that part of your patients, who condescend to visit you in this -gloomy recess, should have reason to conclude you a _consummate dunce_ -and most _illiterate booby_, if these learned professors had not done -your friends the favour to “_certify_” to the contrary: and this they -always _chearfully_ do, rather than have it imagined they have eased -you of a part of your property, without doing you any _real service_. - -The domestic arrangement being thus formed, the reflections to which -you must now turn your mind, are the necessary modes of practice and -behaviour, that may render you not only eminent in your profession, but -respectable in your property; as great events, that contribute largely -to the gratification of such wish, do not frequently occur, inferior -cases of every kind must be rendered subservient to the purpose. In -this list, _venereals_ are entitled to pre-eminence, as the most -lucrative; the patient never hesitating to pay full as liberally for -the preservation of the _secret_ as the cure of _disease_.—But you -may be perfectly assured, this secret never rewards so well, as when -_fate_ or _fortune_ assists its introduction to _married families_; a -most striking corroboration of this fact, occurred not long since in -the neighbourhood of a _royal residence_, and afforded matter of mirth -to the first circles in its environs.—This constant friend to the -faculty was communicated to a married lady, by a _young_ and celebrated -personage of some national eminence, and immediately conveyed from her -to her _enamoured cornuto_ in the moments of true _connubial felicity_; -he, in the love of variety, unluckily conferred the favour upon the -_house maid_; and she, in the extensive liberality of her disposition, -kindly bestowed a portion upon the _footman_. The _electrical shock_ -of this _French fire_ was so rapidly communicated, that the four -sufferers, within the space of ten days, made their separate _private_ -confessions to the medical superintendant of the family, each assigning -a different cause for its introduction, and equally strangers to the -_mode_ of its being brought into so _sober a family_. Although this is -a well authenticated _fact_, it is a harvest that can be very seldom -expected to happen in so great a degree; yet you will find it a matter -often _intruding_ between husband and wife, and considered no indelible -proof of _modern inconstancy_.—To this secret, you will be frequently -admitted by one party—the other, or both; and have an undoubted -privilege to accumulate all possible pecuniary advantage from the -confidence so implicitly placed in you. - -Whatever cases are submitted to your opinion, be always prepared to -represent them _worse_ than they really _are_; making by your technical -terms, and political doubts, _bad worse_ upon every possible occasion. -Let all your proceedings have a peculiar and commanding dignity -annexed to the execution; by assuming a want of feeling, even to -_ferocity_, you will be termed a practitioner of _spirit_, and become -properly distinguished for your professional _fortitude_. No tender -sensations must be permitted to influence your feelings during any -operation, however tedious, or painful to the patient; they are an -ornament to human nature, and beneath your consideration _as one of -the faculty_.—Custom has rendered you ineligible to a place in the -_jury box_, as an evident proof of your professional _brutality_; by -therefore turning “their pains to laughter and contempt,” you only -justify the character you are already in possession of. - -In the most trifling operations (even phlebotomy) descend to the very -minutiæ of medical consequence, not only making the ceremony _long_, -but _serious_, that you may be the better entitled to personal respect -and pecuniary compensation. In all those dreadful accidents that alarm -friends and distress families, take care to throw out (during your -apparent care and attention) a variety of observations that convey -_large sounds_ with _little meaning_; by such ambiguous expressions you -render the cure more extraordinary, whenever it happens, and is no bad -preparative for the procrastination of it to your own emolument. In all -cases requiring the interposition of instruments, take great care that -you produce them with mysterious solemnity, impressing the spectators -and assistants, with equal _awe_ and _fear_ of your abilities; if -_incisions_, or _separation_ of the _soft parts_, become necessary, be -sure, like “old Renault,” to “shed blood enough;” it will be attended -with a double advantage; first in the appearance of business, and the -more _pleasing consideration_, that the _larger_ and _deeper_ the -wound, the longer time will be necessary for _incarnation_; during the -course of which, your personal attendance and daily _epithemas_ cannot -be dispensed with. - -The _greater operations_ do not occur every day, therefore tedious -_cicatrizations_, in addition to _simple_ and _compound fractures_, are -comfortable aids to fill up the spaces of intervention. Fractures of -the _lower extremities_ are exceedingly favourable, for you may then -exert proper authority; it becomes your duty to keep _them down_ when -they _are so_, for surely you may take upon you to know (with propriety -and professional privilege) when they are capable of _standing_ and -_walking_, better than they can _themselves_.—Tho’ one exception to -this rule has fallen within my knowledge, and nearly set aside the -privilege of the practice in the neighbourhood where it happened. - -An honest hearty _miller_, in a small parish in the county of -H—-—-, having, on the market day, made some lucky purchases, and -congratulating himself upon his good fortune with a few friends over -the bottle, got himself insensibly intoxicated; but obstinately -persisting in his determination (and ability) to ride home, he was -suffered to depart, and was found afterwards upon the road by one of -his own servants almost lifeless; he was conveyed to his habitation, -and one of the most _eminent surgeons_ from a certain large and -populous town was called in, who finding the trunk nearly inanimate, -proceeded to _venesection_, then to an accurate examination of the -body, in which he presently discovered “a _fracture of the tibia_, -and two of the ribs; he had every reason to apprehend (from present -symptoms) a _concussion of the brain_; but situated as things were, he -should now administer proper _palliatives_, and pursue the necessary -steps upon his arrival in the morning.”—He then left the patient, -after strict injunctions “that he should not be suffered to move from -the position he had placed him in, till his return.”—At the hour -before appointed, the _Doctor_ returned, and not finding the wife -below stairs, explored the region he had left his patient in the night -before, surrounded by his sorrowful friends; when, strange to relate! -(_stranger to believe!_) the bird was flown, the bed made, and the very -room exhibited a striking proof of rustic neatness. Recovering in some -degree from his surprise, and feeling _very forcibly_ the aukwardness -of his situation, he descended to the kitchen, and there finding the -wife (who had just returned from some business in a back yard) he -eagerly enquired “How, or which way, his patient had been conveyed, and -where to?”—When the poor woman very simply and civilly replied, that -“her husband was gone into the fields among his folks; that she had -repeatedly urged the doctor’s orders of his _not getting out of bed_; -but he was a very obstinate man, and said he’d be d—’d if he’d ever -lay in bed with a _broken leg_ for any doctor in England, so long as -he could walk upon it.”—It may be better conceived than described how -severe a stroke this proved upon the reputation of the surgeon; certain -it is, his practice continued in a declining state for some years, and -it was not till the circumstance was nearly buried in oblivion (with -the body of the miller) that he recovered his former celebrity, being -at this moment one of the oldest and most eminent practitioners in the -neighbourhood where he resides. - -This instance sufficiently demonstrates the impropriety of -overstraining the professional prerogative, especially with those -obstinate uncivilized beings, who have so little pliability of -disposition, as not to lay in bed when required; particularly in cases -of emergency, where it is so evidently for the promotion of their own -health and safety. - -Remember in all cases of difficulty and danger to be mindful of the -_emplastrum adhæsivum_ of connexion, by which every branch of the -faculty should be united for the preservation of the whole; advise -(without the least reference to the enormity of expence) a consultation -of the most eminent; this renders the case of your patient more serious -and alarming, and you oblige your brethren by the recommendation; first -of a physician, whose _prescription_ introduces the _apothecary_; -and you then proceed _physically_ and _systematically_ in the joint -depredation and cure; your two friends, by the law of retribution, -gratefully recommending your inspection of every simple _laceration_ -upon all similar occasions. - -These are maxims that may at first sight seem beneath the attention -of a young and _brilliant_ practitioner, who erroneously conceiving -_merit_ a sufficient recommendation, requires no other conductor; but -they are so evidently an absolute part of his necessary study, that -unless such _mutual arts_ are occasionally put in practice, he can -never (in the present multiplied state of practitioners) expect to -derive the common necessaries of life from a fair and generous practice -of his profession. - -Men of understanding, experience, and observation, know, that the -benignant hand of providence continues to anticipate in a variety -of instances the interpositions of _art_; and _nature_ would, upon -many occasions, entirely effect her own work, if not so frequently -interrupted and retarded by the officious hands and interested -experiments of professional jugglers. - - - - -TO THE ACCOUCHER, - -OR, - -MAN-MIDWIFE. - - -You fortunately make your appearance upon the boards of public -patronage, under the most striking advantages; the prevalence -of _fashion_ has exceeded every consideration of _decency_ and -_discretion_, and you are become (by the influence of pride and -imitation) as necessary to the comfort of a cottage, as the happiness -of a court. From the nature of your professional destination, a -pleasing exterior, and an accomplished person, are invariably expected; -necessarily blending (from your intended intercourse with the _purer_ -part of the creation) the precision of taste, with the perfection of -the scholar. - -The certificate granted you by that elaborate lecturer, the _obstetric -professor_, proclaims you qualified in the very minutiæ of this -mysterious art. The parts, externally and internally, necessary to -generation, are so perfectly familiar to your “mind’s eye,” that -you can extemporaneously delineate the _ovariæ_, the “_fallopian_ -tubes,” the _fimbriæ_, and the very act of _conception_, from -the “_animalculæ_” in “_semen masculino_,” to the last stage of -_gestation_; the gradual expansion of the _uterus_, the dilatation -of the _os uteri_, the progress of _labour_, and all the methods of -extraction. - -You can clearly define the classes as _natural_, _laborious_, and -_preternatural_; the use of the _forceps_, _scissars_, _crotchet_, and -_blunt hook_; the introduction of the _catheter_, the extraction of the -_placenta_, and the separation of the _funis_; in fact, all the _et -ceteras_ are so perfectly clear to you in _theory_, that it is almost -treason to suppose you can _err_ in the practice. - -But, Sir, ripe as you are in these advantages, the harvest of universal -applause, and the sweets of emolument, are scarcely to be acquired -even by time, labour, and the most indefatigable industry. You have -in the practice of _midwifery_, all the ills of _Pandora’s box_ to -encounter, and after twenty years practice may be left to exclaim most -emphatically, - - “Vain his attempt who strives to please you all.” - -The only consolation you have, is, that you are destined to cooperate -with subjects, whose smiles render some degree of compensation for -the incessant fatigue dependant upon the practice. Under these -considerations, in the full career of your expectations, it can never -prove inapplicable to prepare your mind for some of the rebuffs and -disappointments that inevitably ensue. I conclude you are possessed of -youth, health, diligence, and constitutional _stamina_; but there are -other requisites, equally necessary for the performance of professional -duties, to which by election you dedicate the store of knowledge you -have so industriously acquired. The indispensible qualifications, for -the successful execution of the arduous task you are undertaking, -may be comprised in very few words, and those few exceedingly -expressive and readily understood; without _sobriety_, _fortitude_, -_judgment_, and _patience_, you never can expect to attain the summit -of excellence, or obtain admission to those families whose patronage -will contribute most to both credit and emolument. But admitting you -possessed of all the requisites for mere manual operation, the process -of delivery, and consistency of conduct, yet there are a multiplicity -of embellishments, that nothing but previous information, private -instruction, or experimental practice, can sufficiently recommend to -your attention. - -In the awful minute of your introduction to a scene of excruciating -agony and eager expectation, where the hope of a mother, and the -anxiety of friends, all center in you, as the messenger of peace, -throw off the ostentatious air of self-importance, exerted over -those _patient paupers_ upon whom you practised in the days of your -initiation, and recollecting yourself the humble solicitant of public -opinion and private favour, display your tenderness and civility, as no -bad harbinger of your better qualifications. Strengthen such favourable -impression by every degree of delicacy and attention to the suffering -expectant, who imploring assistance from the interposition of your art, -hails you as “the god of her idolatry,” by whom she is to receive an -early acquittal from all her sufferings. - -As this is not often to be instantly expected, and many tedious hours -frequently intervene between the _hope_ and _execution_, it will be -necessary (exclusive of your periodical consolations to the patient’s -inspiring resignation) you address yourself to the passions and -foibles of the gossips, with whom you will in general be too numerously -attended, and whose clamours upon many occasions are not easily to be -subdued.—Notwithstanding this, the good opinions and recommendations -of these motley visitors (of all ages and constitutions) are the -very materials to form the foundation of _report_, upon which the -superstructure of your reputation and future practice is to be -raised.—Although _gravity_, even to a certain degree of _solemnity_, -is a characteristic of your professional practice, yet there are -times when you must unavoidably come forward to enliven the _good -ladies_ with a specimen of your volubility, and variegate the natural -extremities of pain with the applicable insinuations of mirth. Jocular -inuendoes and double entendres are not only expected, but courted in -the intervals of ease, or, as the good women generally term it, “when -the business stands still.” - -The introduction of the tea-table and the joke are always considered -equally promoters of mirth and the delivery; the practitioner is -expected to be well stocked with the most fashionable recitals of -_seduction_, _rapes_, _fornication_, and _adultery_, which, if well -told, and applicably introduced, insures him to a certainty the future -interests of his company. It will be absolutely necessary for you to -fall into all the opinions of the table, except the glass of brandy -repeatedly pressed upon you by the _nurse_ (as a specific, or grand -arcana, for every ill) with the very expressive plea of its not doing -you _any harm_; and “besides, Sir, what’s good for the goose is good -for the gander.” - -After such casual respites (which frequently happen) when the progress -of labour calls you again to your _chair of office_, resume the -language of commiseration, giving your patient every alleviation of -hope for a speedy deliverance, at the very time you are impressing -(by significant looks and emphatic gestures) the attendants and -friends with an idea of great difficulty and impending danger. In the -alternate moments of respiration, evade every retrospective allusion -to the length of the labour, by frequent insinuations that it advances -rapidly, that you have great reason to hope every obstacle will be -soon surmounted; but you are afraid the consolation you administer, -and the pain she suffers, will take but little hold of the memory, if -you may be permitted to judge from the declaration of a very pretty -woman you delivered during your attendance at the Lying-in Hospital, -who, in reply to your tender admonitions of fortitude and patience, -said, “She was very much obliged to you for your kindness, but -she was very certain it would be just the same again by _that time -twelvemonth_.”—This will make way for any thing applicable of your own -collection, but they must be all bordering upon the original cause of -the scene before you; for although the patient is in extreme pain, it -is not so with the attendants; they consider it a _matter of course_, -and feel no disgust but from fatigue, which they very justly conceive -they have a right to alleviate with occasional mirth—tea, and a -_little good brandy_. - -To the _nurse_, great part of your attention must be directed; for she, -like a bellows blower to the organist at a cathedral, will expect to be -included and constitute _WE_ in all the merit of your execution.—The -rapidity, or gradual progress of labour, at length closes your -complicated scene of mirth and anxiety; you deliver your patient, -and proceed to the subsequencies (_secundem artem_) all which having -concluded to general admiration, and received ten thousand thanks and -blessings from your subject, you convey a pecuniary _hope_ for future -services into the hand of the _nurse_, take a tender leave of your -patient, with a promise of seeing her again in proper time, drop an -attracting _nod_ of obedience to the surrounding females, and meeting -the husband at the bottom of the stairs, congratulate him upon his son -or his daughter; slightly hint the difficulty of the case, the danger -you apprehended, the fatigue you had undergone, all which is not worthy -a thought, _perfectly happy_ in an event that contributes so largely to -the happiness of him and his family. - -That part of the work being completed, that most depended upon -the efforts of _Nature_, it becomes your duty to promote your own -interest by every exertion of _art_. Should, after your departure, any -_hemorrage_ ensue, inevitable danger will be apprehended, the patient -will be reduced, the friends alarmed, and you, in the moments of -dreadful anxiety, be immediately sent for; this _lucky circumstance_ -will operate to your earnest wish; it will afford ample scope for -your most fertile invention, and happily introduce a long list of -_styptics_, _anodynes_, and all those necessary concomitants that give -a profitable complexion to the business, by enlarging your hopes, -protracting the case, and encreasing the danger. - -However, should this favourable circumstance not occur, your privilege -is by no means curtailed; you immediately commence your previous -intentional operation of dispatching a _sufficiency_ of _balsamic -anodyne_ draughts, “to promote and mitigate the severity of _after -pains_, that very much distress the patient.” These draughts should be -continued every _four hours at least_, and as a sufficient quantity -of that excellent (and cheap) medicine, _spermacæti_, cannot be -well dissolved in each draught, without rendering it too viscid in -consistence, it will be peculiarly advantageous to you (as well as the -patient) to let them be accompanied with _boluses_ to be taken at the -_same time_, composed of _pulv. sperma_—_confect. alkermes_, &c.—Let -the administration of these medicines be entirely regulated by the -temper, docility, and recovery of your subject; having it ever in mind, -that it is neither your duty or interest to make the least observation -upon their being no longer necessary, till their frequent use is -complained of by the patient sufferer; and even then you are favoured -by fortune in a plea, that you “are now under the absolute necessity -of making unavoidable alterations for the prevention of the _milk, or -puerperal_ fever, which you very much apprehend may ensue.” That it is -an invariable rule with you, never to recommend the use of medicines, -but where they are highly necessary; in the present instance, it is -your duty, from the motive of _gratitude_, to be equally circumspect, -for the promotion of _her health_ and your _own reputation_. - -To effect every desirable purpose, a gentle _diaphoresis_ must -be supported, to prevent obstructions and promote the necessary -excretions; to procure which, you must entreat most earnestly an -implicit obedience to your directions, which from a variety of -_unpleasant symptoms_ becomes indispensible. To carry which point in -a still greater degree, renew, at every visit, your attentions to -the _nurse_ (who in your absence is a vortex of knowledge, in your -presence all obedience) her approbation of your conduct, and good -opinion of your practice must be obtained _at any price_; it becomes -with you a consideration of greater magnitude than your patient’s -recovery; for should _death_ no longer permit _her_ presence in the -scene of sublunary events, you lose _one patient only_; but with the -good opinion and recommendation of the _nurse_, vanishes hundreds of -patients _in embryo_, to be brought forth by the influence of her -exaggerated reports of your incredible abilities. - -The nurse once secured and attached to your interest, becomes an -admirable instrument for the promotion of all your designs, she -embraces every opportunity to strengthen your directions, and urges -(as you have done) the continuation of medicine, “till, with the -blessing of God, her mistress is quite set up and upon her legs again.” -A proper reflection upon these subjects will convince you (even in the -infancy of your embarkation) that a _midwifery case_ in a _good_ family -is no _bad_ thing, and made the most of, with the occasional aid of -perpetual _cardiacs_,—_balsamics_,—_carminatives_, and _anodynes_, -to ease and “quiet the child,” every time it _coughs, or belches_, -constitutes a harvest of industry and political necessity, that the -world in general is very little acquainted with. - -Previous to the closing of the curtain, you have still an additional -chance for more depredations upon the unfortunate husband; should -_stagnant_ milk occasion a _coagulum_ in the _lacteals_, constituting -a _turgency_ of the breasts, threatening a formation of matter, -_suppuration_ becomes almost unavoidable, and you promote it -accordingly; this leads to _certain operation_, daily dressings, &c. -all tend to encrease your interest, and give you the enjoyment of a -temporary monopoly in the joint practice of _midwifery_, _surgery_, and -_physic_. - - - - -TO THE APOTHECARY. - - -The varieties of your past, as well as the personal requisites for -your future destination, are of such a pantomimic and party-coloured -complexion, that I cannot proceed to a recital so truly risible, -without first offering you, in the lines of Woty, a predominant trait -in my _own character_, - - “I love to laugh, though Care stand frowning bye, - And pale Misfortune rolls her meagre eye.” - -Thus happily disposed to those brilliant sallies of mirth, that almost -renovate life, and set melancholy at defiance, you will be the less -liable to surprise, that I shall descend to the very minutiæ of your -necessary qualifications, for the support of so arduous and complicated -a character as you are now going to perform upon the theatre of life. - -It is very natural to conclude you have, during the tedious years -of initiation as an apprentice, and your more mature services as a -journeyman, (politely ycleped assistant) whether in the metropolis, -or the country, gone through every degree of drudgery, and feelingly -experienced every indignity, that _insolent pride_ could bestow, or -_patient merit_ receive. Not an inferior trust (of the inferior part of -the faculty) but you have carried into execution, from the injection -of an _enema_ in a garret, to the separation of an _emplastrum -vesicatorium_ in a workhouse. These are offices of humanity and service -to your fellow creatures, that do you immortal honour; they are -retrospectives that form an epoch in the mind of every practitioner, -and afford him the powerful consolation of _sacred truth_, “He that -humbleth himself,” &c. by which rule, and the force of a fertile -imagination, any _apothecary_ may _conceive_ himself a _physician_, -even in the administration of a _glyster_. In this hospitable execution -(taken metaphorically) there cannot be supposed the least indignity; -for it is universally known the _greatest_ and most _prudent_ generals -are in the _rear_ during the heat of battle; and we are again taught -seriously to believe “the last shall be first,” &c. so that you have -every way, (by both _faith_ and _services_) insured a religious and -prophetic _hope_ of preferment. - -Having for many years encountered the _worst_, you are now prepared -for the _best_; and bidding adieu to the rigid rules of austere -masters, embark upon your own foundation, qualified for every -medical consultation, from the bedchamber of a _duchess dowager_ to -the subterraneous residence of her _chairman_. You have, at this -period, not only shaken off the shackles of servitude, but the very -recollection of your long standing culinary connections. In your -various changes of residence, tedious peregrinations, and medical -observations, it is natural to conclude, you have acquired by care, -study, and attention, a competent knowledge of almost every tint in the -picture of life; which, with embellishments, derived from a few courses -under some of the _metropolitan lecturers_, and _hospital attendance_, -to qualify you for the complication of _country_ practice, there is no -doubt but you come from the forge properly formed, to make wrong appear -right, and right wrong, in the face of every _old woman_ in the county -where you are going to reside. - -Exclusive of these qualifications, and the many instructions already -introduced under the two preceding heads (to which you may occasionally -refer) there are a great variety that must be advanced for _your -particular use_, and to those you will, no doubt, pay every proper -attention, if you indulge the least desire to become a popular member -of the faculty. In respect to personal appearance, former distinctions -and peculiarities are in some degree levelled, the world is very much -relaxed in its severities, and the apothecary mixes with the general -herd of mankind, without those distinguishing exteriors that _were_ -his professional characteristics. The gilt-headed cane and enormous -tassel are no longer in use; the _full-bottom wig_, that so universally -ornamented the _os frontis_ of the faculty in general, is now almost -laid aside with inferior classes, and engrossed by the _college_. The -apothecary (particularly in the country) is in every respect free from -the illiberal censure of former times, and treading close upon the -heels of the _parson_ and the _lawyer_, enjoys, without restraint, the -_chace_, the _gun_, the _bottle_, and _bona-roba_. These, if you are of -a volatile disposition and amorous constitution, afford (at seasonable -opportunities) a happy and high relished relaxation from the many -severities of medical practice. - -Having fixed upon your intended spot for embarkation, let every thought -be employed to display an attracting uniformity in the disposition of -your apparatus, for the _claptrap_ of public approbation; and though -that great investigator of human nature has beautifully portrayed -“_a beggarly account of empty boxes_,” yet they become immediately -necessary to your present purpose; it not being his business to explain -the folly and extravagance of your placing any thing of consequence -there, before you was experimentally convinced you should have occasion -for its use. Let there be a _profusion of appearance_; the _shell_ -of a shop is not very expensive, and druggists are so numerous, that -you may be expeditiously supplied whenever circumstances require -it.—The bottles (being transparent) become more immediately in need -of _something_ in each, particularly a few of those articles (as -hartshorn, lavender, &c.) that are in common request. The lower drawers -(within reach) may be labelled with _obsolete titles_, and in each -placed various paper parcels of _bran_ or _saw-dust_, to avoid a chance -of the sarcasm upon the faculty by a countryman, who happened to be -left alone some time in the shop of an apothecary, and whose curiosity -being excited by the great _number of drawers_, was powerfully prompted -to open one labelled “_Thus_,” which finding _empty_, he was induced -to try a second, _still the same_; a third, _the same also_.—Oh! oh! -says he, “I see plain enough how it is, they are all _Thus_.” Your -shop being at length finished in a stile modern and striking, let a -green silk curtain (with brass rods and rings) be affixed to your -window; it is an excellent method of conveying an idea of internal -mystery, and inspiring proportionate external curiosity. Let no paltry -diffidence appear in the board over your door, announcing your name and -qualifications; there are great numbers that can’t distinguish _small -letters_ at a distance, to avoid which inconvenience, let the capitals -be as conspicuous as the canvas figures at a country puppet-shew. - -“Thus far before the wind;” and being (as it is natural to conclude) -not greatly engaged, it becomes your immediate attention to wait -personally upon the different overseers of the surrounding parishes, -and give them most forcibly to understand, they have been for many -years the subjects of imposition; but you having more _honesty_ than -the whole body of the faculty, will undertake to _farm_ the medical -superintendance of the _poor_, at half the annual sum it has ever cost -the inhabitants before. This political stroke will excellently answer -both your purposes, for overseers in general care not how little they -pay; and you being professionally callous to the tears of poverty and -distress, care not how little you give for their money. - -_Tartar emetic_—_Pulv. contray._ c.—_Pulv. nitri_, and _Pulv. -jalapii_—are medicines admirably calculated for the constitutions of -the poor; and thirty or forty shillings a year in those articles, will -be sufficient for the consumption of _five_ or _six_ parishes; with the -additional advantage of rendering _vials_ unnecessary, a consideration -of some consequence, when it is remembered they are now double their -former price. These parochial connections will be productive of -advantage in more ways than one, for as the unhappy paupers will be -constantly seen at your door, it will afford all the appearance of -sudden popularity. - -Ostentatious parade, and personal consequence, must be your leading -traits, and never lost sight of; _a couple of horses_ will contribute -largely to these objects; not that you are expected to degrade the -dignity of your profession, by riding, like Hughes or Astley, _two at -a time_, but their appearance will constitute an admirable shew of -business in being rode _alternately_; and as most young men who have -not been long their own masters, are fond of displaying their persons -on the _outside of a horse_, you may exultingly not only “feed fat” -the propensity, but the general run of your mechanical neighbours (who -see no farther than the tips of their noses, and are ever caught by -appearances) will erroneously suppose you are visiting some of the -first characters in the county. As it will be now highly derogatory for -you to stain your hands with any menial services, procure speedily a -_journeyman_ (alias assistant) to enhance your own weight; if there is -at present nothing for him to do, the curtain, before recommended, will -obscure his indolence from the prying eye of public curiosity. - -No part of the faculty having ever been remarkable for the regularity -or fervency of their _devotions_, your presence at church will -consequently not be expected (particularly after the impressions you -have made of being perpetually engaged) unless you politically appear -there at two or three different times, merely for the convenience -of being called out _by your own direction_, at the still and most -awful part of the service; a circumstance that will tell much to your -advantage with every superannuated _old woman_ in the parish. Take -particular care that your horse is constantly brought to your door on -the sabbath day, just as the neighbours are passing to church, and -there paraded some time previous to your appearance, which to every -weak mind will have its effects; and be equally careful to measure the -steps of your _horse_, by the hands of your _watch_, so that whether -your journey is accidentally long, or intentionally short, you return -just at the moment of their dismission from the religious conventicle. -In passing the whole body of inhabitants, be strictly careful of your -self consequence—a bow of _significant respect_ to two or three of -the _superiors_, may be applicable and consistent—but no familiarity -with, or knowledge of, the multitude; the greater your _ostentation_ -and _indifference_, the more _servile_ will be their _admiration_ and -_respect_. - -By no means form any hasty or inconsiderate matrimonial connection; -you will derive many advantages at first from a life of _celibacy_; -there are always a variety of juvenile females in the country (as well -as the metropolis) who considering themselves _every way qualified_ -to constitute _doctor’s ladies_, will most industriously _throw_ -themselves in your way upon every occasion, that their personal -attractions may not escape your observation. To families where there -are daughters, nieces, or cousins, who _conceive_ themselves ripe for -the _gordian knot_, you may assure yourself of being called in a short -time; for as you are such “a charming man” in your appearance, (and so -admirably _fitting_ for a husband) there can’t be the least reason to -doubt your professional qualifications. - -You may perhaps start some doubts, (or conscientious qualms may arise) -how these appearances are to be supported in the infancy of business, -without any great personal property to sanction or justify the attempt; -in such diffidence you perfectly display, not only your pusillanimity, -but want of knowledge and experience; for certainly out of the -above description of females, who will constantly pay court to your -consequence, and by a _thousand modes_ solicit your attention, surely -some one of the _best possessions_ may be obtained, whose _fortune_, -and advantage of family connection, may answer your most sanguine -expectations: but should _fate_ conspire against you in both _business -and marriage_, you will have the consolation of having made _a bold -push_, and failing in the attempt, you only become a fashionable -adventurer, and gratefully pay your creditors _nothing in the pound_. - -Having gone through a chain of circumstances and instructions, -necessary for the support of your _public_ appearance, it will be -naturally expected I shall revert to the modes of behaviour that are to -constitute your _private_ character, in the professional transactions -that you conclude will daily occur. First, let it be your constant -observance to be equally reserved and difficult of access—whenever -your opinion is required, even in your own shop, appear there with -tedious reluctance, as if privacies of the utmost consequence prevented -your earlier attendance; this will not only add to your medical weight, -but raise your reputation for _good breeding_ and intercourse with the -polite world; for it is universally known, none but the inferior orders -are introduced to each other without ceremony; it would be therefore -highly ridiculous in you to practise a mode of behaviour in use only -with the lowest classes of mankind. - -Never leave home without letting your horse be held long enough at the -door to be observed by the surrounding neighbours; the most trifling -indication of business is a point in your favour, and ought by no -means to be omitted. By the invariable good effect of which rule, no -messenger whatever should arrive from the country for medicines, but he -must be detained _as long as possible_; his preparations should never -be ready when called for; on the contrary, his horse should be hung -or held at the door for half an hour at least; a double advantage is -derived from this necessary caution—the horse at the door will prove a -striking object to the public, and the messenger will assure the family -you attend, that, nothing but your great hurry occasioned the delay in -his return. - -It will be strictly proper for you, upon all occasions, to preserve -the most inflexible serenity of countenance, even to extreme gravity; -and this injunction becomes the more immediately necessary, as there -are a vast variety of unexpected causes for laughter, to which you -will be open, in the frequent applications of unpolished rustics, for -your _great opinion_ and assistance. One class will “beg the favour -of you to _subscribe_ for their complaints;” another “hopes you won’t -be offended, but he is come to _insult_ you upon his case;” these -instances are so exceedingly common, that you will often meet with -them, where they are least expected. There now lives _an alderman_, in -a very capital town and place of _royal residence_, who, a few years -since, labouring under an _epidemic_ complaint, was told that symptoms -were alarming, and a _glyster_ was unavoidably necessary; to which -representation he expostulated, begging the apothecary “to lay aside -his intention, and give him any thing to _take inwardly_, but for -_God’s sake_, to have no _cutting_ and _slaying_.”—Another of the same -_learned body corporate_ (for they have both kissed the K—g’s hand) -said “he bore the severity of his complaint with more patience, now he -was _manured_ to it.” - -To prove the frequency of these accidental slips, it is impossible -to resist the present temptation of introducing a few more, that -occur to memory in the present recital. A lad upon the borders of -Northamptonshire, being sent in the night to a medical practitioner -at Banbury, and calling him out of bed, told him, “he must come -immediately to his mistress, for she had got a _Vistula_!”——“Where? -_In ano?_” “No, Zir, in the next parish to’t.” - -In an excursion to Surrey, I was solicited in a parish near Chertsey, -to give my advice to a master carpenter there, who had been a long -time indisposed; but my prescription having had the desired effect, -and the poor man getting abroad, he very gratefully declared to all -his friends, “I was the _best musician_ that ever came into the -country.”—In the county of Berks, an elderly woman came to consult me -upon the bad state of her daughter’s health; and after animadverting -upon symptoms, told me _in a whisper_, “that her daughter was to have -been married to a young man some time since; but something happening to -break it off, she really believed _’twas nature turned inward in her_.” - -Paying a visit, in my earlier days, to the lady of a good old country -alderman of a borough in Hertfordshire, she, after many aukward -apologies for the indelicacy of the subject, tremblingly told me, -“she had been very uneasy for some days, with a violent heat in -her _firmament_.”—By way of suppressing those risible emotions in -my disposition I have before described, I, for a moment, changed -the subject, by enquiring the health of her husband; to which she -replied, with thanks, “he was exceedingly well, but gone to make an -_exerescence_ into the country;” plunged deeper in difficulty, and -nearer the _laugh_ than before, which was now become hard to suppress, -I applied myself to her snuff-box, then on the table, and passing a few -encomiums on its neatness, she said, it was very much admired, being a -_gypsey’s pimple_ set in _pinch-gut_. - -You will, no doubt, be now prepared for such unexpected misapplication -of words, such _sublimity of expression_, and regulate the rigidity -of your _frontal_ muscles accordingly; when called to a patient, let -your personal address and behaviour be modelled entirely by the state -of his _property_; if he is _your superior_ in rank and condition, -every action of yours must denote it most strikingly;—you _approach_ -with _respect_—you _dictate_ with _submission_—your mildness and -_affected penetration_ must be perceptible in all your enquiries, -making the most scrupulous observations how far you seem to gain upon -the _credulity_ and good opinion of your subject, taking leave with -all those attracting expressions of tenderness and sympathy, (highly -tinctured with respect) that may give your patient a favourable idea of -the _integrity_, it can never be your _interest_ to possess. - -On the contrary, when your advice and assistance is required to a -patient, whose feelings are equally wounded by bodily affliction and -the barbed arrow of adversity, you may safely reverse the whole mode of -behaviour, and put into practice your personal pride, even to perfect -impudence. This will be in many respects a consistency of conduct; -it will be convincing them, as you have nothing to hope from their -_affluence_, you have certainly nothing to fear from their _poverty_. - -Let what will be the condition of your patient, you are not to act as -some few conscientious practitioners do, explaining what you conceive -to be the nature of the case, original cause of complaint, or from what -operation you expect expeditious relief; this may be the best practice -with those unfashionable formal old fellows, who received their medical -instructions near half a century since, and pique themselves upon what -they call their _integrity_; but it will be perfectly _illiberal_ -in you, who have received a more modern, and polished education. -Ambiguity, and true medical mystery, will be your best guide upon every -occasion; by not naming the case, or _cause of complaint_, you can -never be accused of having _mistaken_ it; and by letting the property -of the medicine you administer remain a matter of secrecy with all but -yourself, you reserve the incontrovertible power of saying, “it has had -the _very effect_ you _intended_,” whether it operates by _vomit_, -_stool_, _urine_, _perspiration_, or _sleep_: these are precautions a -_wise_ man always takes, a _fool_ never, and may be deemed something -similar to the conduct of Bayes’s troops in the Rehearsal, who, the -_warlike_ messenger said, “were stealing a march in _stilts_.” - -During the indisposition of your patient, ’tis your duty to think -much more of the emolument that will arise from the _protraction_ of -his case, than the _expedience_ of his cure. You must have it ever in -mind, that he has paid you the the greatest compliment one man can -possibly pay another on earth; he has placed an implicit confidence, -and entrusted you with the care of his constitution and the key of -his cash; in fact, he has put both his _life_ and _property_ into -your hands; and the respect you owe to _self-preservation_ renders -it necessary you make the most of _both_. Let your attachment to -his health and interest be demonstrated by the frequency of your -attendance; it will be impossible for you to give a greater proof of -your _disinterested_ friendship, than by your large and constant -supplies of different medicines; too great a quantity, too great a -variety cannot be introduced; they all tend to a promotion of your -emolument, and the sum total of your bill will be considered _a -striking proof_ of your _merit_ and assiduity. - -If you find the family and friends not perfectly satisfied with your -conduct, that there is the least coolness and discontent perceptible, -or symptoms of present or approaching danger, strongly recommend the -presence of a _better opinion_ in the form of a physician; this will -prove an exertion of the soundest policy—double the quantity of -medicines will be thrown into _his_ prescription for the promotion of -_your_ interest, an act that the present danger will amply justify, and -should the unhappy victim be doomed - - “To pass that bourne, - From whence no traveller returns,” - -You have nobly and skilfully slipped your neck out of the collar, and -left all the credit of _killing_ (as you really ought to do) to your -superior, whose _diploma_ entitles him to the preference; and, _vice -versa_, should you perceive the patient and family become dupes to your -affected sincerity, and that you are daily raising yourself in their -estimation, erect a structure of professional applause upon the basis -of their _credulity_; insinuate every possible degree of self praise, -and set the advice of a physician in the most contemptible point of -view.—Affect unlimited attachment to the interest of your patient, -and say, “you would recommend much better advice than your own, if you -could do it with a conscientious consistency; but it had ever been an -opinion of yours (which was still unaltered) if the apothecary could -not plunder a family _sufficiently_, the better method would be to -adopt _a consultation_, when it might be done to a _certainty_.” - -This open manner of dealing instantly enhances you in the estimation -of patient and friends, and you will consequently stand so high in -opinion that you may proceed deliberately in your _spoils_ without -interruption, for where there are no _daily fees_ (swallowed up in the -_vortex_ of the college) your more trifling depredations will not be -considered as matters of medical magnitude or imposition. - -In all kinds of inferior practice render every look, every thought -and action, subservient to your general intent of personal rank and -pecuniary consequence; it must be your particular study to inculcate -every idea in the lower class, of your great penetration and abilities; -by your minute investigations, cross-examinations, and applicable -nods of significance (implying the most extensive knowledge) you will -discover remote symptoms, that once explained to the complaining -patient, will give them reason to believe (which they very readily do) -you are a supernatural agent; and one _fool_ of _this denomination_, -who firmly believes you know the state of his health by the _wrinkles_ -in his _forehead_, or the _cloud_ in his _urine_, will soon infect a -whole county with the certainty of your infallible qualifications. -This opinion once founded, the effect is absolutely incredible, an -instance of which may be found in various parts of England, but more -particularly in a very large and populous town, not forty miles west -of the metropolis, where _fools_ from every part of the county are -constantly driving (their pockets laden with _chamber-lye_) to a famous -inspector of _urinals_, vulgarly denominated a _piss-pot doctor_, who, -to magnify the report of his incredible skill and penetration, has -adopted a certain method to impose upon the minds of the multitude, and -prey upon the little pecuniary collections they can make, to become the -dupes of _his villainy_ and their own _infatuation_. - -The mode of imposition, I shall explain in a fact as communicated by -one of his most intimate friends, and leave the story itself to applaud -his ingenuity:—He has (in a very respectable habitation) a small -private room, to which every patient or messenger is conducted (upon -a plea that the _doctor_ is not at home, or is particularly engaged) -here an emissary (as if casually) asking certain questions, hears the -whole story, examines the urine, and descends to particulars—the -_doctor_ is in the adjoining apartment (calculated by a thin partition -and certain openings, invisible to the unsuspecting visitor) where he -minutely hears the entire conversation; the necessary secrets being -obtained, he makes his appearance with the most commanding aspect; -at this awful ceremony, the fascinated patient almost feels the -effect of ANIMAL MAGNETISM; the approach of so much wisdom deprives -him for a moment of speech, and the _poor devil_ undergoes a kind of -temporary annihilation. An instance of this occurred not long since, -when a country fellow having journeyed twelve miles to the doctor -with a bottle of his wife’s _chrystal stream_, communicated the -necessary particulars to the agent, when the doctor, in possession of -the secret, made his appearance.—“Well, friend!”—“I have brought -your honour my wife’s water, she could not _rest any longer_ without -your _device_.”—“Your wife’s water—very well—let me see!—aye, -I perceive she has _bruised her shoulder_.”—“Yes, Sir, she has -indeed.”—“By this water (it is perfectly clear) she has _fallen -down stairs_.”—“Yes, your honour!”—“She is not injured in any other -part by the fall?”—“Only complains a little at the _bottom of her -belly_, your honour.”—“Well, she fell from the top of the stairs to -the bottom, _I see_?”—“No, your honour, she had gone down two steps -before she fell.”—“Indeed! why then you have not brought me _all her -water_.”—“No, your honour, there was _a little_ the bottle would not -hold.”—“Why then, sirrah, the _two stairs_ are left behind.“——This -circumstance, (of a thousand that might be quoted) is sufficient to -demonstrate the ridiculous credulity of the multitude in all matters -of quackery, and leaves us to lament, that the ignorance of one class, -should become so wretched a prey to the deliberate villainy of another. - -The long experience you have had, in charging and posting your -accompts, under different masters of equal judgment and experience, -leaves little room for instruction under that head; it may however not -prove inapplicable to remind you, it is no matter how incoherent or -unintelligible the _writing_ is, provided your _figures_ are _bold_ and -_conspicuous_; so long as you can convince them how much they _have to -pay_, it is a total matter of indifference to you, how much they have -_received_. - -There is one caution however exceedingly necessary to be advanced, to -prevent your becoming subject to a reproof given by the celebrated Dean -Swift to his apothecary, for presuming to be handsomely paid for the -confidence of putting himself upon an equality with his superiors. This -is the impropriety of letting the word ”_visits_“ constitute a part -of your charge, instead of the more modest term of ”_journeys_,“ or -”_attendance_.“ - -The Dean having been afflicted with a long and severe fit of illness, -requested, soon after recovery, the apothecary’s bill; which having -perused, and finding a sum total very much beyond his expectation, he -proceeded to _dissection_, and perceiving almost every _third article_ -to announce the honour of a ”_visit_,” at five shillings each, he -satirically adopted the following plan to punish _Mr. Emetic_, for what -the Dean considered a piece of consummate assurance.—Having required -his attendance to receive his demand, he paid down a certain sum of -money, which the mortified apothecary continued to tell over, and -repeatedly compare with the figures denoting the _sum total_; but still -continuing _to tell and compare_, without seeming to get at all nearer -the point of satisfaction, the Dean, in compassion to the confusion he -visibly laboured under, observed, as he did not seem to be perfectly -clear in his arrangement of the accompt, he would set him right.—If -he would but deduct the amount of the “visits” from the sum total of -his bill, he would find it exactly right; for being now pretty well -recovered, he intended _paying_ him his “_visits_” again _one at a -time_. - -You will now naturally conclude every instruction that can be possibly -necessary, has been submitted to your consideration, for the promotion -of your prosperous and profitable career through the medical journey -of life; it is not so; for although we have gone through the usual -forms of sickness, to either recovery or death, there is still -one remark necessary, to the completion of consistency, in your -professional character. It is a few observations, in derision of that -truly contemptible burlesque upon propriety, in following the corps -of your patient to the grave; a folly originating in _ignorance_, -and established by _custom_; a circumstance so truly ridiculous and -farcical, that it did not escape the penetration and sarcastic wit of -our Aristophanes of the present century, who attacked it with the full -force of his satire, in the description given by a taylor, in one of -his celebrated comedies, who says, “as he was going home to a customer -with a pair of breeches under his arm, he perceived his neighbour -_Gargle_, the apothecary, following a _corps_ to the grave,—so says -he, Master Gargle, I see you are going home with your _work too_.” The -justice of this remark renders the circumstance so truly ridiculous, -that it is a matter of admiration, how any man of the most common -understanding can ever submit to an indignity so truly laughable. It -certainly bears the appearance of your not being content with preying -upon the property of the deceased, during their last hours of sublunary -affliction, but you meanly pursue their very remains to the grave, -and obtain a paltry hatband and gloves, at the expence of decency and -discretion. Exclusive of this very striking obstacle, there is one of -equal weight in the scale of your professional reputation—it certainly -can add none to the eminence of your character, that the contents -of the coffin was publickly known to be a subject of your skill and -experimental practice. - -You will certainly experience some difficulty in evading a compliance -with many requests, made to you for this purpose; but I would recommend -it to you to encounter displeasure, rather than become the dupe of -so great an absurdity. To inculcate by example, what I have strongly -recommended in precept, you may be assured, that I have, during my -long practice, retained so great an aversion to this inconsistency of -character, that I rendered myself totally incapable of compliance, by -never having in possession _a suit of mourning_; this resource has -always proved my never failing friend, when no other apology would be -accepted; and by never seeming to recollect _the want_ till a few hours -before the _funeral_, a written apology has always proved a respectable -substitute, to which there was no alternative. - -Having descended to the very minutiæ of a long, extensive, and -successful practice, to form your mind, and regulate your manners -in every professional transaction of your life, I cannot doubt, but -rules so directly consonant to your personal interest and reputation, -will receive every assistance from your unerring consistency and -perseverance, conveying a perfect corroboration of the _gratitude_ -you feel, for the intrinsic worth of so liberal and friendly a -communication. - - - - -TO - -THE CHYMISTS AND DRUGGISTS. - - -It will create no surprise that you bring up the rear of this medical -exhibition, when it is remembered that the most opulent, eminent, or -respectable, generally close every public procession.—You are to -the faculty, what the _hammerman_ is to the _forge_; you are in fact -the _arterial reservoir_, from whose source flow the rich streams, -that feed the _venal divisions_ in every branch of the profession, -whether in town or country. To the fertility of your genius, to the -extent of your commerce, to the enterprising spirit of your pecuniary -embarkations, the faculty are indebted for the great variety and -striking novelties, that render them so much the subjects of admiration. - -You happily derive your affluence from dealing innocently around you -the various _instruments_ of _death_, with an indifference that -sufficiently exculpates you from the suspicion of _murder_, even as -accessaries before the fact.—Your constant, and extensive inventions -(for the promotion of private emolument and public good) rank you -high in general estimation, and you prudently recommend yourselves -to the attention of the most learned, by your very _frequent_ and -_extraordinary_ discoveries.—Your advertisements (with which almost -every literary vehicle teems) are alike calculated to excite wonder and -approbation; they seem to indicate proofs, that _you alone_ exceed the -limits of human penetration, and display a hope of perpetual existence, -by setting mortality at defiance; like a groupe of _desperate hazard -players_, you are “at all in the ring,” and with a degree of emulative -opposition to each other, produce from your _alembics_—_bolt heads_, -and _balneum arenæs_, antidotes to every ill: the only ray of -consolation to the less learned is, that _death_ (often an unexpected -visitor) opens the eyes of the world to the arts of your deception, -and you slide into the grave with the calm and unobserved obscurity -of your neighbours. The wonderful extent of your fertile abilities are -constantly conveyed to public attention, through the pompous medium of -“Letters Patent” and “Royal Authority,” that are at length become (from -the higher arts) the fashionable introduction to a _breeches ball_; a -_tincture for the tooth ach_; a _blacking cake_, or a _gamboge horse -ball_. - -While I lament this degradation, this prostitution of patronage, to -such _trifling_, such _contemptible_ efforts of _sterility_, I cannot -but consider how gratefully, how extensively, you are bound to a -credulous and indulgent public, who implicitly sanction with their -patronage, every production of _genius or dullness_, whether in a -_philosophic taper_, a concentrated _acid of vinegar_, or a _salt of -lemons_; they are undoubtedly discoveries of _immense magnitude_ to the -public at large; and experience has sufficiently proved, that so much -_patriotic virtue_ should meet its _own reward_. - -Notwithstanding the superiority and extent of your knowledge, so -visibly displayed in the _sublimity_ of your frequent experiments, -that have raised you to such a great degree of professional eminence, -there may yet be some profitable principles of practice, inculcated -by a long and studious observer, that will evidently add to your -emoluments, if not to the encrease of your reputations. - -Your _peculiar modesty_ may have prevented your attaining the utmost -perfection of your art, and left you strangers to the very great and -undiscovered advantages, that the privileges of your profession so -singularly entitle you to; for though you may hitherto have reconciled -yourselves to a paltry _mechanical_ profit of thirty-five or forty -per cent. what law forbids you making the “most of your market,” and -enhancing those profits to such state, as may best accord with your -idea and gratification of _city eminence_—_rural ease_—_external -appearance_, and _domestic hospitality_? To insure these comforts to -a certainty, accept such instructions, (as closely adhered to) will -inevitably produce the purposes for which they are introduced. - -Hitherto, a stranger to the happy effects of necessary _adulteration_, -it may not be inapplicable to say a few words upon its numerous -advantages; first, at your embarkation, you should adopt it as -the _ultimatum_ of all your professional views, and render it as -subservient to your wishes, as the lover’s invariable observance -of “_persevere_ and _conquer_,” is to his. _Adulteration_ has many -pleasing advantages annexed to its practice; by the applicable -introduction of an _harmless_ ingredient, you may reduce the dangerous -property of a _drastic_ purgative, and render a powerful _poison_ less -destructive; by such acts you will enjoy the inexpressible consolation -of hourly contributing to the safety of your fellow-creatures, in -exertions of _humanity_, that will do you the greatest honour. - -The prelude to the _Pharmacopœia_, sufficiently informs you, the -_College of Wigs_ are empowered by royal sanction to invent, or -constitute forms, and the _cabinet_ to enforce them; but your superior -knowledge sets such arbitrary dictation at defiance, and your -_practical arts_ will ever supersede their _theoretical_ penetration. -Let them happily enjoy the power to alter names, and improve forms -of all the compositions in that _laughable farrago_, their _new -dispensatory_; they have the province to direct, and you have the -pleasure to evade; obeying their injunctions no farther than is -strictly consistent with your own interest and convenience. To assist -the aptitude of your fertility, let me introduce to your attention (as -specimens of what may be done) some few of the advantageous alterations -that may be made in medicinal composition, to promote your certain -emolument, without arraigning your _integrity_. - -In that expensive preparation _confectio cardiaca_ (newly named by -college sagacity _confectio aromatica_) opportunity offers to display -a part of your privilege in substituting the use of _saffron paper_, -which will impart to the composition the rich colour of the original -_crocus_; for those other high priced articles _cardamoms_, _cinnamon_, -_nutmegs_, and _cloves_, applicable and proportional quantities of -those cheaper (and equally efficacious) _cordials_ and _carminatives_, -_ginger_, _grains of paradise_, or any of the inferior spices may -be added. In large preparations of the _electarium lenitivum_, an -introduction of the _pulp of prunes_ for the _pulp of cassia_, will -save much additional expence and trouble.—In the _syrupus e spina -cervina_, treacle is certainly preferable to the finest lump sugar, -with this advantage, that the predominant nausea will prevent the -discovery. - -Experience will convince you that _spiritus c. c._ (_per se_) obtained -by distillation from the accumulated stale urine of a parish workhouse, -or the bones of animals, will be by far preferable to that drawn from -the purest _cornu cervi_; as are the rasura c. c. from the shank bones -of horses, or cows, preferable to all other.—_Sp. terebinthinæ_ -(carefully and proportionally incorporated) becomes an admirable -associate with the _ol. juniperi_.—_Ol. amygdalinum_ (and many other -articles blended _secundum artem_) form an excellent combination -with, and increase the stock of _ol. anisi verum_.—_Genuine gum -guaiacum_—_galbanum_—_storax_, and _bals. tolutanum_, may undergo -the process of _purification_ much better, if impregnated with the -occasional assistance of either the _resina nigra_, or _flava_.—The -various unguents will derive advantage from the salutary introduction -of _auxungiæ porcincæ_, as a substitute for those more _expensive and -unnecessary_ articles _cera flava_ and _ol. olivarum_. - -_Pulv. anisi verum_ will be much more easily reduced from the cakes, -after the seed has been expressed, the oil obtained, and their medical -virtue entirely extracted; it is an article only in use for horses -and cows; whether they are _killed or cured_, is an object not worthy -your consideration. _Liquorice_, _fenugreek_, _diapente_, _turmeric_, -and _elecampane_, are to receive their basis from _horse beans_ -ground (at the medical mills) exceedingly fine, and to be impregnated -properly with the different articles from which they derive their -names, so as to retain each their predominant effluvia; and as these -are articles in use for cattle only, you will give proof of your -humanity, by drenching them with _food_ instead of _physic_. The -species _hiera_ will be much more certain in its effects, if prepared -with the _Barbadoes_, instead of the _Succotrine_ aloes; and the true -Dutch biscuit powder, will form no unprofitable union with the powder -of _Salop_. In fact, innumerable instances of professional skill and -œconomy might be introduced, extending instructions to a much greater -length than originally intended; protracting the explanatory parts -beyond the limits of utility, an accusation it has been my principal -care to avoid. - -It may perhaps be almost unnecessary to remind you, how absolutely -needful it will be, to reduce to impalpable pulverization and -complicated forms, all inferior and damaged _drugs_ of every -denomination; in _powders_, _tinctures_, _electuaries_, and other -preparations, their defects will not be perceptible, and it will prove -matter of no small gratification to you, that many practitioners are -very _inferior judges_ of the compositions they constantly prescribe; -to these may be added the still greater number, that never condescend -to undergo the task of inspection, forming together a major part of the -very numerous and respectable body I have undertaken to instruct.—If -you are a dispenser of _chemicals_ and _galenicals_ by retail, one -additional observation will prove worthy your attention—never let -your shop, or dispensary, get into disrepute by too much modesty, in -saying you are without the most obsolete or ridiculous article that -can be enquired for; if _oil of swallows_, _oil of bricks_, _lobsters’ -blood_, or _milk of lilies_, should be the objects in request, let -the fertility of your invention _instantly_ furnish a substitute for -either; of these, such a great variety are always to be found, the -least enumeration becomes unnecessary. - -The series of instructions advanced for the promotion of professional -interest, have been promulgated without a fear of offence, or hope of -reward; amidst the very great number of different practitioners, into -whose hands these admonitions must inevitably fall, happy he who can -exultingly exclaim, - - “Let the gall’d jade wince, our withers are unwrung.” - -From the physician, who lingers out a life of _studious suspense_, -and derives a scanty subsistence from the alternate labour of -morning visits and evening lectures—from that _dignified_ “member -of the corporation,” whole _mercurial_ abilities are thrust into -the hand of every dirty passenger, in the more dirty avenues of -the metropolis—from that industrious _accoucher_, whose incessant -nocturnal labour renders him, in common life, little superior to the -_nightman_, and that equal drudge the metropolitan _pharmacopolist_, I -can have little to expect but universal denunciation of vengeance, and -threats of malevolence: to the effect of these, I oppose the stability -of _truth_, that will render me _invulnerable_ to all their attacks. - -A steady observance of the iniquity of medical practice has long since -powerfully convinced me of the absolute necessity of professional -reformation, and should I (by arming the public with a weapon of -self-defence) succeed in producing a change in the systematic -imposition of one, and preventing perpetual depredation upon the -other, every idea of personal ambition will be fully gratified, for - - “So little slave to what the world calls fame; - As dies my body—so I wish my name.” - -But this obscurity in the present instance is much more anxiously -to be _hoped_ than _expected_, for there cannot be the least doubt -entertained but _some one_ of his Majesty’s ministers (who are ever -anxious for the public good and increase of revenue) will, through -the medium of the publisher, discover the joint secret of _name_ and -_residence_, that by placing the author in the TREASURY, CUSTOMS, -or some office equally lucrative, they may avail themselves of his -INTEGRITY, not hesitating a moment to believe, that so just an -investigator of professional impositions upon individuals, must -unavoidably render the STATE adequate service, in the discovery of -official depredations upon the PUBLIC. - - -FINIS. - - - - - BOOKS lately published by G. KEARSLEY, - At DOCTOR JOHNSON’s HEAD, No. 46, FLEET-STREET, LONDON. - Where all NEW PUBLICATIONS may be had on the shortest Notice. - - - - -A TOUR through HOLLAND, DUTCH BRABANT, the AUSTRIAN NETHERLANDS, and -Part of FRANCE: - - In which is included a Description of Paris and its - Environs. - - By the late HARRY PECKHAM, Esq. - - One of his Majesty’s Counsel, and Recorder of the - City of Chichester. - - Price 3s. 6d. half bound, with a Map of the Low - Countries. - - Of Kearsley may also be had, in Pocket Volumes, together - or separate, - -The TOUR of FRANCE, with two Maps, price 3s. 6d. - -TOUR of ITALY, with a Map, 4s. 6d. - -TOUR of SWITZERLAND, including M. 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To which is added, -An Account of the Coins of each Country, the Customs and Manners of the -Inhabitants, &c. &c. - - - The following entertaining Collection was compiled by a Person of - distinguished Abilities, for the Use of young People, and as a Guide - to the curious Traveller who intends to visit these Regions, which - contain so many Wonders of ART and NATURE. - -A Description of SICILY and MALTA, With an Account of -the late Earthquake at Messina; the Eruptions of Mount Etna; the -Destruction of Hybla; the present State of Palmyra; the Customs and -Manners of the Sicilians; their Marriages, Carriages, &c. 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This Work will be comprized in Four Volumes Octavo. - -II. It will be published in Weekly Numbers till compleated, price One -Shilling each. - -III. The whole will not exceed Twenty-four Numbers. - -IV. The first Number will be published on Saturday November the 8th, -being the first Week in Michaelmas Term. - -V. The money will be received for each Number when delivered. - - * * * * * - -Transcriber’s Notes - -Obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected. All other -spelling and punctuation remains unchanged with the exception of the -following substitutions: - lest for least - lest you make Mr. Emetic, the apothecary, your formidable enemy - lest that part of your patients, who condescend to visit you - emerged for immerged - you recently emerged from the obscurity - Surrey for Surry - In an excursion to Surrey, - duchess for dutchess - from the bedchamber of a duchess dowager - -Italics are represented thus _italic_. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Æsculapian Labyrinth Explored, by -Gregory Glyster - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ÆSCULAPIAN LABYRINTH EXPLORED *** - -***** This file should be named 54332-0.txt or 54332-0.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/3/3/54332/ - -Produced by deaurider, Les Galloway and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Æsculapian Labyrinth Explored - Medical Mystery Illustrated - -Author: Gregory Glyster - -Release Date: March 9, 2017 [EBook #54332] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ÆSCULAPIAN LABYRINTH EXPLORED *** - - - - -Produced by deaurider, Les Galloway and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - - - - - - -</pre> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="p30 small"> -<a href="#TO_THE_COLLEGE_OF_WIGS">TO THE COLLEGE OF WIGS.</a><br /> -<a href="#TO_THE_PHYSICIAN">TO THE PHYSICIAN.</a><br /> -<a href="#TO_THE_SURGEON">TO THE SURGEON.</a><br /> -<a href="#TO_THE_ACCOUCHER">TO THE ACCOUCHER,</a><br /> -<a href="#TO_THE_APOTHECARY">TO THE APOTHECARY.</a><br /> -<a href="#TO">TO THE CHYMISTS AND DRUGGISTS.</a><br /> -<a href="#BOOKS_lately_published_by_G_KEARSLEY">BOOKS lately published by G. KEARSLEY,</a><br /> -</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> -<div class="chapter"></div> - -<h1> -<span class="xs">THE</span><br /> -ÆSCULAPIAN LABYRINTH EXPLORED;<br /> - -<span class="xs">OR</span>,<br /> - -<small>MEDICAL MYSTERY ILLUSTRATED</small>.</h1> - -<p class="center xs">IN A SERIES OF INSTRUCTIONS TO</p> - -<p class="center"><small>YOUNG PHYSICIANS, SURGEONS, ACCOUCHERS, APOTHECARIES, -DRUGGISTS, AND PRACTITIONERS OF EVERY -DENOMINATION, IN TOWN AND COUNTRY</small>.</p> - -<p class="center xs">INTERSPERSED WITH A VARIETY OF</p> - -<p class="center">RISIBLE ANECDOTES AFFECTING THE FACULTY.</p> - -<p class="center"><span class="xs">INSCRIBED</span><br /> -TO THE COLLEGE OF WIGS,</p> - -<p class="center"><span class="xs">BY</span><br /> -<span class="gesperrt"><span class="xl">GREGORY GLYSTER,</span><br /> -<small>AN OLD PRACTITIONER</small>.</span></p> - -<div class="bt bb"> -<p class="center"><span class="xs">“TWENTY MORE! KILL THEM TOO.”——BOBADIL.</span></p> -</div> - -<p class="center"><small>LONDON:</small><br /> -<span class="xs">PRINTED FOR G. KEARSLEY, NO. 46, FLEET-STREET.<br /> - -MDCCLXXXIX.</span></p> - -<p class="center"><span class="xs">[PRICE THREE SHILLINGS AND SIX-PENCE.]</span></p> - - -<hr class="chap" /> -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_i">i</span></p> - - - - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="TO_THE_COLLEGE_OF_WIGS">TO THE COLLEGE OF WIGS.</h2> - - -<div class="poetry-container"><div class="poetry"><div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse">“Most potent, grave, and reverend signiors,</div> -<div class="verse">“My very noble and approved good” Doctors.</div> -</div></div></div> - - -<p>The solemnity of your somniferous aspects, no less -than the professional gravity of your external ornaments, -lay claim to a bow of obedient recollection -in passing through W—— k-lane to public inspection. -As one of the most <em>popular</em> descendants from your great -progenitor, permit me to acknowledge, I revere the -<em>vast extent</em> of your <em>medical abilities</em>; that I feel most -forcibly the <em>enormous weight</em> of your <em>accumulated learning</em>, -and <em>tremble</em> at the very idea of your <em>experimental -abilities</em>.</p> - -<p>Condescend, dread Sirs, to sanction this analization -of <em>Æsculapian imposition</em> and <em>medical mystery</em>, with such -proof of approbation, as the dignity of a <em>diploma</em>, and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_ii">ii</span> -the muscular rigidity of <em>physical countenance</em> will permit -you to bestow; nor let it be the less entitled to -your favor, that a long list of <em>valetudinarians</em> (to whom -you are daily pensioners) become partakers of the -<em>banquet of mirth</em>; or the small fry of <em>pharmacopolists</em> -(your humble dependents) <em>for once</em> permitted to take a -seat at the <em>same table</em> with yourselves.</p> - -<p>Anxiously solicitous to obtain belief, that</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"><div class="poetry"><div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse">“I shall nothing extenuate,</div> -<div class="verse">“Nor set down aught in malice,”</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>you may in justice conclude me,</p> - -<p class="p50"> -<em>Sage Sirs!</em></p> - -<p class="p30">Your very candid,</p> - -<p class="p40">And obedient representative,</p> - -<p class="p50">GREGORY GLYSTER.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /></div> -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_1">1</span></p> - - - - -<p class="half-title"><small>THE</small><br /> - -ÆSCULAPIAN LABYRINTH<br /> - -EXPLORED.</p> - -<hr /> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="TO_THE_PHYSICIAN">TO THE PHYSICIAN.</h2> - - -<p>Having passed the tedious years of abstruse study and intense -application, necessary to your initiation in the mysteries -of physic, and replete with a perfect remembrance of all the -requisites to this <em>great art</em>, we suppose you recently emerged -from the obscurity of <em>dreary walls</em> and <em>dull professors</em>, a phenomænon -of universal knowledge and <em>family</em> admiration. The various -and elaborate examinations you have passed, with scholastic -approbation, having relieved you from the constantly accumulating -load of anxiety, you are at length launched into life under<span class="pagenum" id="Page_2">2</span> -a new character, and daily pant to display the dignity of your -profession, in the happy appendage of <em>M. D.</em> to the prescriptive -initials of your name.</p> - -<p>You are no longer to be considered a student labouring in the -heavy trammels of <em>unintelligible</em> lectures upon <em>philosophy</em>, <em>anatomy</em>, -<em>botany</em>, <em>chemistry</em>, and the <em>materia medica</em>, with all their distinct and -consequent advantages; or investigating the actual properties of -<em>electrical fire</em> and <span class="smcap">MAGNETIC ENTHUSIASM</span>, but stamped (by royal -authority) with the full force of physical agency, and have derived -from your <em>merit</em> unlimited permission to <em>cure</em>, “<em>kill</em> or <em>destroy</em>,” -to the best of your knowledge and abilities, “so help you -“God.” The professional path you now begin to tread, is so replete -with danger, and the probability of success so very uncertain, -that the fertile world have not omitted to make it proverbial, -“A physician never begins to get bread, till he has no -“teeth to eat it.” The truth of this may perhaps have been <em>lamentingly</em> -acknowledged by some of the most <em>learned men</em> that ever -became dependant upon a <em>capricious</em> world for <em>precarious</em> subsistance.</p> - -<p>This palpable fact may concisely serve to convince you, your<span class="pagenum" id="Page_3">3</span> -embarkation (with all its alluring prospects) will not only be encumbered -with difficulties, but your ultimate gratification of success -exceedingly doubtful. Great depth of learning may afford -consolation to the equity of your own feelings (if you fortunately -possess them) but it is by no means necessary to the acquisition of -<em>public opinion</em>, however it may tend to contribute to the general -good.</p> - -<p>To avoid entering into a sentimental disquisition upon the <em>honesty</em>, -<em>integrity</em>, or <em>strict propriety</em> of the maxims I proceed to lay -down for your future conduct to obtain professional splendour, and -<em>insure success</em>; I avail myself of the privilege I possess, to wave -every consideration of the <em>conscientious kind</em>, and once more observe -(without adverting to their consistency) they are adduced only as -the unavoidable traits of character, and modes of behaviour, by -which alone (in the present age) you can possibly hope for the -least proportional share of practice as a physician.</p> - -<p>At your first public entré, when the college list and court calendar -have announced your qualifications and advancement to the -wondering world (that such list should annually increase) let your -friends and relatives be doubly assiduous in propagating reports<span class="pagenum" id="Page_4">4</span> -(almost incredible) of your <em>great humanity</em>, <em>extensive abilities</em>, and -<em>unbounded benevolence</em>.—This will answer the intended purpose to a -certainty; crouds of the afflicted and necessitous will surround -your habitation, and render your place of residence constantly remarkable -to all classes, who naturally enquiring the character of -the proprietor, will eagerly extol your charity in contributing your -“advice to the poor <span class="smcap">GRATIS</span>.”</p> - -<p>This method alone will gain you popularity with those that -rank in the line of mediocrity; with <em>their superiors</em>, success must -be insured more from the efforts of <em>interest</em>, than either <em>personal -merit</em>, or <em>sound policy</em>. Your attention to the wants of the poor, -must soon be regulated by the preponderation of more weighty -considerations; as you <em>affected</em> to alleviate their distresses from the -motive of commiseration, prompting you to promote <em>their ease</em>, -you have an undoubted right to shake off such superfluous visits, -to secure <em>your own</em>. In this deceptive charity, some degree of discrimination -must be put in practice, for you will sometimes perceive -one among the train, whose apparel or behaviour must necessarily -give you reason to suspect he has assumed the cloak of -necessity to save <em>his fee</em>, and avail himself of your professional<span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">5</span> -liberality in such case, call to your aid a look of true <em>medical austerity</em>, -and let him understand “advice is seldom of any value or -“effect unless it is paid for;” this will frequently answer the purpose, -and procure what you did not expect.</p> - -<p>On the contrary, so soon as you observe your prescriptions have -“<em>worked wonders</em>” upon two or three of the most <em>credulous</em> and -<em>superstitious</em>, who are extolling your <em>great knowledge</em> and “blessing -<em>your honour</em>,” strengthen the <em>force</em> of your judgment by <em>charitably -obtruding</em> a pecuniary corroboration into the hand of your -afflicted patient, as a confirmation of your <em>unbounded skill</em> in the -(<em>miraculous</em>) cure of every disease to which the human frame is incident. -By such <em>political</em> practice, you insure the recital of your -services with extacy, and your name reverberates from one end -of the metropolis to the other.</p> - -<p>Your person and place of residence, being by these means universally -known, and your name become in a proportional degree -popular, let your plan and mode of behaviour be instantly changed; -it will be now necessary</p> - -<p> -“You “assume a” hurry “if you have it not,”<br /> -</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_6">6</span></p> - -<p>Take care to be so exceedingly engaged with patients of the <em>first -class and eminence</em>, that “it is with difficulty you procure time sufficient -for the common purposes and gratifications of nature.” -No paupers <em>whatever</em> can be admitted to your presence without a -written recommendation from <em>nobility</em>, or characters of the <em>first -fortune</em>; this will insure you no farther intrusion from a class originally -introduced for your <em>particular purpose</em>; that effected, they -may now be permitted to fall into the back ground of the picture; -from whence they were brought for no other motive than -the promotion of your personal interest and professional emolument.</p> - -<p>It becomes your particular care to be always in a <em>hurry</em>; let your -chariot (if you can fortunately raise one) <em>upon job</em>, be at the door -regularly by nine in the morning; to prove how very much you -are attached to the duties of your profession, and how anxiously -you have the <em>salubrity</em> of your patients <em>at heart</em>.—Omit no one -circumstance that can contribute to a shew of being perpetually -engaged. Letters written by <em>yourself</em>, and messengers of your -<em>own dispatching</em>, cannot be seen at your doors too frequently; the -chariot should be as repeatedly ordered—remember to leave home<span class="pagenum" id="Page_7">7</span> -by <em>one way</em>, and return by <em>another</em>, and equally <em>in haste</em>; all these -stratagems are considered peculiar privileges of the <em>College of Wigs</em>, -and are well worthy your attention and constant practice. You -need hardly be told, the superficial and unthinking part of mankind -are ever caught by appearances; what proportion they bear -to other distinctions, need not in the present instance be at all ascertained.</p> - -<p>Having laid down rules (that should be rigidly persevered in) -for the regulation of your <em>public character</em>, I shall now advert to -the strict line of conduct it will be proper for you to adopt in -your personal transactions upon all professional emergencies.</p> - -<p>When called to a patient upon the recommendation of the -family apothecary, you are to consider him one of your best friends, -and <em>pay court to him</em> accordingly; on the contrary, if you are engaged -upon the spontaneous opinion of the patient, or his relatives, -you have every reason to conclude the abilities of the -apothecary are held in very slender estimation, and you may safely -venture to display as much of your <em>own consequence</em> and superiority, -as circumstances will admit.</p> - -<p>After the awkward ceremony of your first appearance is over,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_8">8</span> -and matters a little adjusted, take great care to be upon your -guard; indulge in a variety of <em>significant gestures</em>, and <em>emphatical -hems!</em>—and <em>hahs!</em> proving you possessed of <em>singularities</em>, that may -tend to excite ideas in the patient and surrounding friends, that -<em>a physician</em> is a superior part of the creation.——Let <em>every action</em>, -<em>every word</em>, <em>every look</em>, be strongly marked, denoting doubt and -ambiguity; proceed to the necessary enquiries of “what has been -done in rule and regimen, previous to your being called in?” -hear the recital with patience, and give your <em>nod of assent</em>, lest -you make Mr. Emetic, the apothecary, your formidable enemy, -who will then <em>most conscientiously</em> omit to recommend the assistance -of such <em>extraordinary abilities</em> on any future occasion.—Take care to -<em>look wisdom</em> in every feature; speak but little, and let it be impossible -<em>that little</em> should be understood; let every hint, every <em>shrug</em> be -carefully calculated to give the hearers a wonderful opinion of your -learning and experience.—In your <em>half-heard</em> and mysterious conversation -with your <em>medical inferior</em>, do not forget to drop a few -observations upon—“the animal œconomy”—“circulation of the -blood”—“acrimony”—“the non naturals”—“stricture upon -the parts”—“acute pain”—“inflammatory heat<span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">9</span>”—“nervous -irritability,” and all those <em>technical traps</em> that fascinate the -hearers, and render the patient yours ad libitum.</p> - -<p>To the friends or relatives of the diseased, (as the case may be) -you seriously apprehend <em>great danger</em>; but such apprehension is -not without its portion of <em>hope</em>; and you doubt not, but a rigid -perseverance in the plan you shall prescribe, will reconcile all difficulties -in a few days, and restore the patient (whose recovery you -have exceedingly at heart) to his health and friends; that you will -embrace the earliest opportunity to see him again, most probably -at such an hour, (naming it) in the mean time you are in a great -degree happy to leave him in such good hands as <em>Mr. Emetic</em>, to -whom you shall give every necessary direction, and upon whose -<em>integrity</em> and <em>punctuality</em> you can implicitly rely.</p> - -<p>You then require a private apartment for your necessary consultation -and plan of <em>joint depredation</em> upon the pecuniary property -of your unfortunate invalid, which you are now going <em>seriously</em> to -attack with the full force of <em>physic</em> and <em>finesse</em>. You first learn from -your informant what has been hitherto done without effect, and -determine accordingly how to proceed; but in this, great respect -must be paid to the temper, as well as the constitution and cir<span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">10</span>cumstances, -of your intended <em>prey</em>; if he be of a petulant and refractory -disposition, submitting to medical dictation upon absolute -compulsion, as a professed enemy to physic and the faculty, let -your harvest be <em>short</em>, and complete as possible. On the contrary, -should a <em>hypochondriac</em> be your subject, with the long train of melancholic -doubts, fears, hopes, and despondencies, avail yourself -of the faith implicitly placed in you, and regulate your proceedings -by the force of <em>his imagination</em>; let your prescription (by -its length and variety) reward your <em>jackall</em> for his present attention -and future services.—Take care to furnish the frame so amply -with <em>physic</em>, that <em>food</em> may be unnecessary; let every hour (or two) -have its destined appropriation—render all possible forms of the -<em>materia medica</em> subservient to the general good—<em>draughts</em>—<em>powders</em>—<em>drops</em>, -and <em>pills</em>, may be given (at least) every two hours; intervening -<em>apozems</em>, or <em>decoctions</em>, may have their utility; if no other -advantage is to be expected, one good will be clearly ascertained, -the convenience of having the <em>nurse</em> kept constantly awake, and -if <em>one medicine</em> is not productive of success, <em>another may</em>. These are -surely alternatives well worthy your attention, being admirably<span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">11</span> -calculated for the promotion of your <em>patient’s cure</em> and your <em>own -reputation</em>.</p> - -<p>Having written your long prescription, and learnt from Mr. -Emetic every necessary information, you return to the room of -your patient, to prove your attention, and renew your admonitions -of punctuality and submission;—then receiving your <em>fee</em> -with a consequential <em>air of indifference</em>, you take your leave; not -omitting to drop an additional assurance, that “you shall not be -<em>remiss</em> in your attendance.” These, Sir, are the instructions you -must steadily pursue, if you possess an ardent desire to become -<em>eminent</em> in your <em>profession</em>—<em>opulent</em> in your <em>circumstances</em>—<em>formidable</em> -to your <em>competitors</em>, or a <em>valuable practitioner</em> to the <em>Company</em> of <em>Apothecaries</em>, -from whom you are to expect the foundation of support. -A multiplicity of additional hints might be added for your minute -observance; but such a variety will present themselves in the course -of practice, that a retrospective view of diurnal occurrences will -sufficiently furnish you with every possible information for your -future progress; regulating your behaviour, by the rank of your -patients, from the <em>most</em> pompous <em>personal ostentation</em>, to the meanest -and <em>most contemptible servility</em>.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /></div> -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">12</span></p> - - - - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="TO_THE_SURGEON">TO THE SURGEON.</h2> - - -<p>I congratulate you upon your recent emancipation from -incessant study, intense application, and strict <em>hospital</em> attendance, -where I shall willingly - suppose, you was a <em>dresser</em> of the -most promising abilities; that you excelled your cotemporaries in -every <em>chirurgical</em> opinion, became an expert <em>dissecting</em> pupil to one -of the <em>court of examiners</em>, and are now burst through the cloud of -your original obscurity, a perfect prodigy of <em>anatomical</em> disquisition.</p> - -<p>I naturally conclude you capable of animadverting upon all the -distinct branches of your art to admiration, that you are critically -excellent in the use of an <em>instrument</em> from the humble act of simple -<em>phlebotomy</em>, to the more important operation for a <em>fistula in ano</em>.—You -have, beyond every shadow of doubt, paid proper attention -to the fashionable precepts of the late Lord Chesterfield, and -rendered yourself (with assistance from the graces) a perfect adept -in polite address, displaying a variety of the most engaging attitudes, -even in the adjustment of a <em>ten tailed bandage</em>. The pro<span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">13</span>fessional -information you have industriously collected, is such as will -certainly afford you the most equitable claims upon <em>public opinion</em>, -being in possession of every necessary acquisition from a <em>simple -gonorrhœa</em> to a <em>confirmed lues</em>.</p> - -<p>Previous to your solicitation of favour from your friends, you -have necessarily passed the awful ceremony of examination at the -<em>Old Bailey</em>, under your former tutor (and his brethren of the -court) who would not pay his <em>own abilities</em> so improper a compliment -as to ask you questions in <em>anatomy</em> or <em>osteology</em>, that he knew -your qualifications inadequate to the task of technically explaining. -After passing this <em>fiery ordeal</em>, you deposit the usual <em>pecuniary gratuity</em>, -and receiving the <em>badge</em> of your newly acquired <em>honor</em>, we -now hail you “<em>a Member of the Corporation of Surgeons</em>,” and conclude -an ornamental plate upon the door of your habitation denotes -you so accordingly.</p> - -<p>We suppose you embarking in a sea of spirited opposition, with -your competitors, for professional celebrity, and decorating your -place of residence in the most applicable stile to attract attention. -To effect this, let your exterior apartments be ornamented with -the <em>busts</em> of <em>ancients</em> you <em>never read</em>, and <em>portraits</em> of <em>moderns</em> that<span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">14</span> -you <em>never knew</em>. These form an excellent combination to excite -the admiration and report of those who have occasion to court the -assistance of your extensive abilities.—To gradually heighten -which surprize, your interior (or <em>audit room</em>) must be a perfect -<em>Golgotha</em>.—A proficiency in the science of <em>osteology</em>, must be powerfully -impressed upon the senses of the trembling visitors, by a -<em>profusion</em> of <em>skeletons</em> in different states; let the awfulness of the -scene be rendered still more striking, by a variety of subjects -suspended in spirits, interspersed with singular <em>anatomical and injected -preparations</em>, both wet and dry; giving to the whole additional -force by the introduction of a “<em>few ill shaped fishes</em>,” as -the finishing stroke to a well formed plan of <em>chirurgical ostentation</em>. -Remember to let the <em>certificates</em> of your professional qualifications, -from your different <em>lecturing tutors</em>, be so placed (in elegant frames) -as to meet the eye in a conspicuous direction; lest that part of -your patients, who condescend to visit you in this gloomy recess, -should have reason to conclude you a <em>consummate dunce</em> and most -<em>illiterate booby</em>, if these learned professors had not done your friends -the favour to “<em>certify</em>” to the contrary: and this they always<span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">15</span> -<em>chearfully</em> do, rather than have it imagined they have eased you of -a part of your property, without doing you any <em>real service</em>.</p> - -<p>The domestic arrangement being thus formed, the reflections -to which you must now turn your mind, are the necessary modes -of practice and behaviour, that may render you not only eminent -in your profession, but respectable in your property; as great -events, that contribute largely to the gratification of such wish, do -not frequently occur, inferior cases of every kind must be rendered -subservient to the purpose. In this list, <em>venereals</em> are entitled -to pre-eminence, as the most lucrative; the patient never hesitating -to pay full as liberally for the preservation of the <em>secret</em> as the cure -of <em>disease</em>.—But you may be perfectly assured, this secret never -rewards so well, as when <em>fate</em> or <em>fortune</em> assists its introduction to -<em>married families</em>; a most striking corroboration of this fact, occurred -not long since in the neighbourhood of a <em>royal residence</em>, -and afforded matter of mirth to the first circles in its environs.—This -constant friend to the faculty was communicated to a married -lady, by a <em>young</em> and celebrated personage of some national -eminence, and immediately conveyed from her to her <em>enamoured -cornuto</em> in the moments of true <em>connubial felicity</em>; he, in the love of<span class="pagenum" id="Page_16">16</span> -variety, unluckily conferred the favour upon the <em>house maid</em>; and -she, in the extensive liberality of her disposition, kindly bestowed -a portion upon the <em>footman</em>. The <em>electrical shock</em> of this <em>French fire</em> -was so rapidly communicated, that the four sufferers, within the -space of ten days, made their separate <em>private</em> confessions to the -medical superintendant of the family, each assigning a different -cause for its introduction, and equally strangers to the <em>mode</em> of -its being brought into so <em>sober a family</em>. Although this is a well -authenticated <em>fact</em>, it is a harvest that can be very seldom expected -to happen in so great a degree; yet you will find it a matter often -<em>intruding</em> between husband and wife, and considered no indelible -proof of <em>modern inconstancy</em>.—To this secret, you will be frequently -admitted by one party—the other, or both; and have an -undoubted privilege to accumulate all possible pecuniary advantage -from the confidence so implicitly placed in you.</p> - -<p>Whatever cases are submitted to your opinion, be always prepared -to represent them <em>worse</em> than they really <em>are</em>; making by -your technical terms, and political doubts, <em>bad worse</em> upon every -possible occasion. Let all your proceedings have a peculiar and -commanding dignity annexed to the execution; by assuming a<span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">17</span> -want of feeling, even to <em>ferocity</em>, you will be termed a practitioner -of <em>spirit</em>, and become properly distinguished for your professional -<em>fortitude</em>. No tender sensations must be permitted to influence -your feelings during any operation, however tedious, or -painful to the patient; they are an ornament to human nature, -and beneath your consideration <em>as one of the faculty</em>.—Custom has -rendered you ineligible to a place in the <em>jury box</em>, as an evident -proof of your professional <em>brutality</em>; by therefore turning “their -pains to laughter and contempt,” you only justify the character -you are already in possession of.</p> - -<p>In the most trifling operations (even phlebotomy) descend to -the very minutiæ of medical consequence, not only making the -ceremony <em>long</em>, but <em>serious</em>, that you may be the better entitled to -personal respect and pecuniary compensation. In all those dreadful -accidents that alarm friends and distress families, take care to -throw out (during your apparent care and attention) a variety of -observations that convey <em>large sounds</em> with <em>little meaning</em>; by such -ambiguous expressions you render the cure more extraordinary, -whenever it happens, and is no bad preparative for the procrastination -of it to your own emolument. In all cases requiring the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_18">18</span> -interposition of instruments, take great care that you produce -them with mysterious solemnity, impressing the spectators and -assistants, with equal <em>awe</em> and <em>fear</em> of your abilities; if <em>incisions</em>, -or <em>separation</em> of the <em>soft parts</em>, become necessary, be sure, like “old -Renault,” to “shed blood enough;” it will be attended with a -double advantage; first in the appearance of business, and the -more <em>pleasing consideration</em>, that the <em>larger</em> and <em>deeper</em> the wound, -the longer time will be necessary for <em>incarnation</em>; during the course -of which, your personal attendance and daily <em>epithemas</em> cannot be -dispensed with.</p> - -<p>The <em>greater operations</em> do not occur every day, therefore tedious -<em>cicatrizations</em>, in addition to <em>simple</em> and <em>compound fractures</em>, are -comfortable aids to fill up the spaces of intervention. Fractures -of the <em>lower extremities</em> are exceedingly favourable, for you may -then exert proper authority; it becomes your duty to keep <em>them -down</em> when they <em>are so</em>, for surely you may take upon you to know -(with propriety and professional privilege) when they are capable -of <em>standing</em> and <em>walking</em>, better than they can <em>themselves</em>.—Tho’ -one exception to this rule has fallen within my knowledge,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_19">19</span> -and nearly set aside the privilege of the practice in the neighbourhood -where it happened.</p> - -<p>An honest hearty <em>miller</em>, in a small parish in the county of -H———, having, on the market day, made some lucky purchases, -and congratulating himself upon his good fortune with a few -friends over the bottle, got himself insensibly intoxicated; but -obstinately persisting in his determination (and ability) to ride -home, he was suffered to depart, and was found afterwards upon -the road by one of his own servants almost lifeless; he was conveyed -to his habitation, and one of the most <em>eminent surgeons</em> from -a certain large and populous town was called in, who finding -the trunk nearly inanimate, proceeded to <em>venesection</em>, then to an -accurate examination of the body, in which he presently discovered -“a <em>fracture of the tibia</em>, and two of the ribs; he had every -reason to apprehend (from present symptoms) a <em>concussion of the -brain</em>; but situated as things were, he should now administer -proper <em>palliatives</em>, and pursue the necessary steps upon his arrival -in the morning.”—He then left the patient, after strict -injunctions “that he should not be suffered to move from the -position he had placed him in, till his return.”—At the hour<span class="pagenum" id="Page_20">20</span> -before appointed, the <em>Doctor</em> returned, and not finding the wife -below stairs, explored the region he had left his patient in the -night before, surrounded by his sorrowful friends; when, strange -to relate! (<em>stranger to believe!</em>) the bird was flown, the bed made, -and the very room exhibited a striking proof of rustic neatness. -Recovering in some degree from his surprise, and feeling <em>very forcibly</em> -the aukwardness of his situation, he descended to the kitchen, -and there finding the wife (who had just returned from some business -in a back yard) he eagerly enquired “How, or which way, -his patient had been conveyed, and where to?”—When the -poor woman very simply and civilly replied, that “her husband -was gone into the fields among his folks; that she had repeatedly -urged the doctor’s orders of his <em>not getting out of bed</em>; but -he was a very obstinate man, and said he’d be d—’d if he’d -ever lay in bed with a <em>broken leg</em> for any doctor in England, so -long as he could walk upon it.”—It may be better conceived -than described how severe a stroke this proved upon the reputation -of the surgeon; certain it is, his practice continued in a declining -state for some years, and it was not till the circumstance -was nearly buried in oblivion (with the body of the miller) that<span class="pagenum" id="Page_21">21</span> -he recovered his former celebrity, being at this moment one of -the oldest and most eminent practitioners in the neighbourhood -where he resides.</p> - -<p>This instance sufficiently demonstrates the impropriety of overstraining -the professional prerogative, especially with those obstinate -uncivilized beings, who have so little pliability of disposition, -as not to lay in bed when required; particularly in cases of emergency, -where it is so evidently for the promotion of their own -health and safety.</p> - -<p>Remember in all cases of difficulty and danger to be mindful of -the <em>emplastrum adhæsivum</em> of connexion, by which every branch of -the faculty should be united for the preservation of the whole; -advise (without the least reference to the enormity of expence) a -consultation of the most eminent; this renders the case of your patient -more serious and alarming, and you oblige your brethren by -the recommendation; first of a physician, whose <em>prescription</em> introduces -the <em>apothecary</em>; and you then proceed <em>physically</em> and <em>systematically</em> -in the joint depredation and cure; your two friends, by the -law of retribution, gratefully recommending your inspection of -every simple <em>laceration</em> upon all similar occasions.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_22">22</span></p> - -<p>These are maxims that may at first sight seem beneath the attention -of a young and <em>brilliant</em> practitioner, who erroneously conceiving -<em>merit</em> a sufficient recommendation, requires no other conductor; -but they are so evidently an absolute part of his necessary -study, that unless such <em>mutual arts</em> are occasionally put in -practice, he can never (in the present multiplied state of practitioners) -expect to derive the common necessaries of life from a fair -and generous practice of his profession.</p> - -<p>Men of understanding, experience, and observation, know, that -the benignant hand of providence continues to anticipate in a variety -of instances the interpositions of <em>art</em>; and <em>nature</em> would, -upon many occasions, entirely effect her own work, if not so frequently -interrupted and retarded by the officious hands and interested -experiments of professional jugglers.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /></div> -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_23">23</span></p> - - - - -<h2 class="nobreak" ><a name="TO_THE_ACCOUCHER" id="TO_THE_ACCOUCHER">TO THE ACCOUCHER,</a><br /> - -<small>OR</small>,<br /> - -MAN-MIDWIFE.</h2> - - -<p>You fortunately make your appearance upon the boards of -public patronage, under the most striking advantages; the -prevalence of <em>fashion</em> has exceeded every consideration of <em>decency</em> -and <em>discretion</em>, and you are become (by the influence of pride and -imitation) as necessary to the comfort of a cottage, as the happiness -of a court. From the nature of your professional destination, -a pleasing exterior, and an accomplished person, are invariably -expected; necessarily blending (from your intended intercourse -with the <em>purer</em> part of the creation) the precision of taste, with the -perfection of the scholar.</p> - -<p>The certificate granted you by that elaborate lecturer, the <em>obstetric -professor</em>, proclaims you qualified in the very minutiæ of this -mysterious art. The parts, externally and internally, necessary to -generation, are so perfectly familiar to your “mind’s eye,” that<span class="pagenum" id="Page_24">24</span> -you can extemporaneously delineate the <em>ovariæ</em>, the “<em>fallopian</em> -tubes,” the <em>fimbriæ</em>, and the very act of <em>conception</em>, from the -“<em>animalculæ</em>” in “<em>semen masculino</em>,” to the last stage of <em>gestation</em>; -the gradual expansion of the <em>uterus</em>, the dilatation of the <em>os uteri</em>, -the progress of <em>labour</em>, and all the methods of extraction.</p> - -<p>You can clearly define the classes as <em>natural</em>, <em>laborious</em>, and <em>preternatural</em>; -the use of the <em>forceps</em>, <em>scissars</em>, <em>crotchet</em>, and <em>blunt hook</em>; -the introduction of the <em>catheter</em>, the extraction of the <em>placenta</em>, and -the separation of the <em>funis</em>; in fact, all the <em>et ceteras</em> are so perfectly -clear to you in <em>theory</em>, that it is almost treason to suppose -you can <em>err</em> in the practice.</p> - -<p>But, Sir, ripe as you are in these advantages, the harvest of universal -applause, and the sweets of emolument, are scarcely to be -acquired even by time, labour, and the most indefatigable industry. -You have in the practice of <em>midwifery</em>, all the ills of <em>Pandora’s box</em> -to encounter, and after twenty years practice may be left to exclaim -most emphatically,</p> - -<p> -“Vain his attempt who strives to please you all.”<br /> -</p> - -<p>The only consolation you have, is, that you are destined to co<span class="pagenum" id="Page_25">25</span>operate -with subjects, whose smiles render some degree of compensation -for the incessant fatigue dependant upon the practice. -Under these considerations, in the full career of your expectations, -it can never prove inapplicable to prepare your mind for -some of the rebuffs and disappointments that inevitably ensue. I -conclude you are possessed of youth, health, diligence, and constitutional -<em>stamina</em>; but there are other requisites, equally necessary -for the performance of professional duties, to which by -election you dedicate the store of knowledge you have so industriously -acquired. The indispensible qualifications, for the successful -execution of the arduous task you are undertaking, may be -comprised in very few words, and those few exceedingly expressive -and readily understood; without <em>sobriety</em>, <em>fortitude</em>, <em>judgment</em>, -and <em>patience</em>, you never can expect to attain the summit of excellence, -or obtain admission to those families whose patronage will -contribute most to both credit and emolument. But admitting -you possessed of all the requisites for mere manual operation, the -process of delivery, and consistency of conduct, yet there are a -multiplicity of embellishments, that nothing but previous inform<span class="pagenum" id="Page_26">26</span>ation, -private instruction, or experimental practice, can sufficiently -recommend to your attention.</p> - -<p>In the awful minute of your introduction to a scene of excruciating -agony and eager expectation, where the hope of a mother, -and the anxiety of friends, all center in you, as the messenger -of peace, throw off the ostentatious air of self-importance, -exerted over those <em>patient paupers</em> upon whom you practised in -the days of your initiation, and recollecting yourself the humble -solicitant of public opinion and private favour, display your tenderness -and civility, as no bad harbinger of your better qualifications. -Strengthen such favourable impression by every degree -of delicacy and attention to the suffering expectant, who imploring -assistance from the interposition of your art, hails you as -“the god of her idolatry,” by whom she is to receive an early -acquittal from all her sufferings.</p> - -<p>As this is not often to be instantly expected, and many tedious -hours frequently intervene between the <em>hope</em> and <em>execution</em>, it will -be necessary (exclusive of your periodical consolations to the patient’s -inspiring resignation) you address yourself to the passions<span class="pagenum" id="Page_27">27</span> -and foibles of the gossips, with whom you will in general be too -numerously attended, and whose clamours upon many occasions -are not easily to be subdued.—Notwithstanding this, the good -opinions and recommendations of these motley visitors (of all ages -and constitutions) are the very materials to form the foundation -of <em>report</em>, upon which the superstructure of your reputation and -future practice is to be raised.—Although <em>gravity</em>, even to a certain -degree of <em>solemnity</em>, is a characteristic of your professional practice, -yet there are times when you must unavoidably come forward to -enliven the <em>good ladies</em> with a specimen of your volubility, and -variegate the natural extremities of pain with the applicable insinuations -of mirth. Jocular inuendoes and double entendres are -not only expected, but courted in the intervals of ease, or, as the -good women generally term it, “when the business stands still.”</p> - -<p>The introduction of the tea-table and the joke are always considered -equally promoters of mirth and the delivery; the practitioner -is expected to be well stocked with the most fashionable -recitals of <em>seduction</em>, <em>rapes</em>, <em>fornication</em>, and <em>adultery</em>, which, if well -told, and applicably introduced, insures him to a certainty the -future interests of his company. It will be absolutely necessary for<span class="pagenum" id="Page_28">28</span> -you to fall into all the opinions of the table, except the glass of -brandy repeatedly pressed upon you by the <em>nurse</em> (as a specific, -or grand arcana, for every ill) with the very expressive plea of its -not doing you <em>any harm</em>; and “besides, Sir, what’s good for the -goose is good for the gander.”</p> - -<p>After such casual respites (which frequently happen) when the -progress of labour calls you again to your <em>chair of office</em>, resume -the language of commiseration, giving your patient every alleviation -of hope for a speedy deliverance, at the very time you are impressing -(by significant looks and emphatic gestures) the attendants -and friends with an idea of great difficulty and impending danger. -In the alternate moments of respiration, evade every retrospective -allusion to the length of the labour, by frequent insinuations that -it advances rapidly, that you have great reason to hope every obstacle -will be soon surmounted; but you are afraid the consolation -you administer, and the pain she suffers, will take but little hold -of the memory, if you may be permitted to judge from the declaration -of a very pretty woman you delivered during your attendance -at the Lying-in Hospital, who, in reply to your tender -admonitions of fortitude and patience, said, “She was very much<span class="pagenum" id="Page_29">29</span> -obliged to you for your kindness, but she was very certain it would -be just the same again by <em>that time twelvemonth</em>.”—This will -make way for any thing applicable of your own collection, but -they must be all bordering upon the original cause of the scene -before you; for although the patient is in extreme pain, it is not -so with the attendants; they consider it a <em>matter of course</em>, and feel -no disgust but from fatigue, which they very justly conceive they -have a right to alleviate with occasional mirth—tea, and a <em>little -good brandy</em>.</p> - -<p>To the <em>nurse</em>, great part of your attention must be directed; -for she, like a bellows blower to the organist at a cathedral, will -expect to be included and constitute <em>WE</em> in all the merit of your -execution.—The rapidity, or gradual progress of labour, at length -closes your complicated scene of mirth and anxiety; you deliver -your patient, and proceed to the subsequencies (<em>secundem artem</em>) -all which having concluded to general admiration, and received -ten thousand thanks and blessings from your subject, you convey -a pecuniary <em>hope</em> for future services into the hand of the <em>nurse</em>, take -a tender leave of your patient, with a promise of seeing her again -in proper time, drop an attracting <em>nod</em> of obedience to the sur<span class="pagenum" id="Page_30">30</span>rounding -females, and meeting the husband at the bottom of the -stairs, congratulate him upon his son or his daughter; slightly -hint the difficulty of the case, the danger you apprehended, the -fatigue you had undergone, all which is not worthy a thought, -<em>perfectly happy</em> in an event that contributes so largely to the happiness -of him and his family.</p> - -<p>That part of the work being completed, that most depended -upon the efforts of <em>Nature</em>, it becomes your duty to promote your -own interest by every exertion of <em>art</em>. Should, after your departure, -any <em>hemorrage</em> ensue, inevitable danger will be apprehended, -the patient will be reduced, the friends alarmed, and you, -in the moments of dreadful anxiety, be immediately sent for; this -<em>lucky circumstance</em> will operate to your earnest wish; it will afford -ample scope for your most fertile invention, and happily introduce -a long list of <em>styptics</em>, <em>anodynes</em>, and all those necessary concomitants -that give a profitable complexion to the business, by enlarging -your hopes, protracting the case, and encreasing the danger.</p> - -<p>However, should this favourable circumstance not occur, your -privilege is by no means curtailed; you immediately commence -your previous intentional operation of dispatching a <em>sufficiency</em> of<span class="pagenum" id="Page_31">31</span> -<em>balsamic anodyne</em> draughts, “to promote and mitigate the severity -of <em>after pains</em>, that very much distress the patient.” These -draughts should be continued every <em>four hours at least</em>, and as a sufficient -quantity of that excellent (and cheap) medicine, <em>spermacæti</em>, -cannot be well dissolved in each draught, without rendering -it too viscid in consistence, it will be peculiarly advantageous to -you (as well as the patient) to let them be accompanied with -<em>boluses</em> to be taken at the <em>same time</em>, composed of <em>pulv. sperma</em>—<em>confect. -alkermes</em>, &c.—Let the administration of these medicines be -entirely regulated by the temper, docility, and recovery of your -subject; having it ever in mind, that it is neither your duty or -interest to make the least observation upon their being no longer -necessary, till their frequent use is complained of by the patient -sufferer; and even then you are favoured by fortune in a plea, -that you “are now under the absolute necessity of making unavoidable -alterations for the prevention of the <em>milk, or puerperal</em> -fever, which you very much apprehend may ensue.” That it -is an invariable rule with you, never to recommend the use of -medicines, but where they are highly necessary; in the present -instance, it is your duty, from the motive of <em>gratitude</em>, to be<span class="pagenum" id="Page_32">32</span> -equally circumspect, for the promotion of <em>her health</em> and your <em>own -reputation</em>.</p> - -<p>To effect every desirable purpose, a gentle <em>diaphoresis</em> must be -supported, to prevent obstructions and promote the necessary -excretions; to procure which, you must entreat most earnestly -an implicit obedience to your directions, which from a variety -of <em>unpleasant symptoms</em> becomes indispensible. To carry which -point in a still greater degree, renew, at every visit, your attentions -to the <em>nurse</em> (who in your absence is a vortex of knowledge, -in your presence all obedience) her approbation of your conduct, -and good opinion of your practice must be obtained <em>at any price</em>; -it becomes with you a consideration of greater magnitude than -your patient’s recovery; for should <em>death</em> no longer permit <em>her</em> -presence in the scene of sublunary events, you lose <em>one patient only</em>; -but with the good opinion and recommendation of the <em>nurse</em>, vanishes -hundreds of patients <em>in embryo</em>, to be brought forth by the -influence of her exaggerated reports of your incredible abilities.</p> - -<p>The nurse once secured and attached to your interest, becomes -an admirable instrument for the promotion of all your designs, she -embraces every opportunity to strengthen your directions, and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_33">33</span> -urges (as you have done) the continuation of medicine, “till, -with the blessing of God, her mistress is quite set up and -upon her legs again.” A proper reflection upon these subjects -will convince you (even in the infancy of your embarkation) -that a <em>midwifery case</em> in a <em>good</em> family is no <em>bad</em> thing, and -made the most of, with the occasional aid of perpetual <em>cardiacs</em>,—<em>balsamics</em>,—<em>carminatives</em>, -and <em>anodynes</em>, to ease and “quiet the -child,” every time it <em>coughs, or belches</em>, constitutes a harvest -of industry and political necessity, that the world in general -is very little acquainted with.</p> - -<p>Previous to the closing of the curtain, you have still an additional -chance for more depredations upon the unfortunate -husband; should <em>stagnant</em> milk occasion a <em>coagulum</em> in the <em>lacteals</em>, -constituting a <em>turgency</em> of the breasts, threatening a formation -of matter, <em>suppuration</em> becomes almost unavoidable, and you -promote it accordingly; this leads to <em>certain operation</em>, daily -dressings, &c. all tend to encrease your interest, and give you -the enjoyment of a temporary monopoly in the joint practice -of <em>midwifery</em>, <em>surgery</em>, and <em>physic</em>.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /></div> -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_34">34</span></p> - - - - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="TO_THE_APOTHECARY">TO THE APOTHECARY.</h2> - - -<p>The varieties of your past, as well as the personal requisites -for your future destination, are of such a pantomimic -and party-coloured complexion, that I cannot proceed -to a recital so truly risible, without first offering you, in the -lines of Woty, a predominant trait in my <em>own character</em>,</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"><div class="poetry"><div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse">“I love to laugh, though Care stand frowning bye,</div> -<div class="verse">And pale Misfortune rolls her meagre eye.”</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>Thus happily disposed to those brilliant sallies of mirth, that -almost renovate life, and set melancholy at defiance, you will -be the less liable to surprise, that I shall descend to the very -minutiæ of your necessary qualifications, for the support of so -arduous and complicated a character as you are now going to -perform upon the theatre of life.</p> - -<p>It is very natural to conclude you have, during the tedious -years of initiation as an apprentice, and your more mature<span class="pagenum" id="Page_35">35</span> -services as a journeyman, (politely ycleped assistant) whether in -the metropolis, or the country, gone through every degree of -drudgery, and feelingly experienced every indignity, that <em>insolent -pride</em> could bestow, or <em>patient merit</em> receive. Not an inferior -trust (of the inferior part of the faculty) but you have carried -into execution, from the injection of an <em>enema</em> in a garret, to -the separation of an <em>emplastrum vesicatorium</em> in a workhouse. -These are offices of humanity and service to your fellow -creatures, that do you immortal honour; they are retrospectives -that form an epoch in the mind of every practitioner, and -afford him the powerful consolation of <em>sacred truth</em>, “He that -humbleth himself,” &c. by which rule, and the force of a -fertile imagination, any <em>apothecary</em> may <em>conceive</em> himself a <em>physician</em>, -even in the administration of a <em>glyster</em>. In this hospitable -execution (taken metaphorically) there cannot be supposed the -least indignity; for it is universally known the <em>greatest</em> and -most <em>prudent</em> generals are in the <em>rear</em> during the heat of battle; -and we are again taught seriously to believe “the last shall be -first,” &c. so that you have every way, (by both <em>faith</em> and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_36">36</span> -<em>services</em>) insured a religious and prophetic <em>hope</em> of preferment.</p> - -<p>Having for many years encountered the <em>worst</em>, you are now -prepared for the <em>best</em>; and bidding adieu to the rigid rules of -austere masters, embark upon your own foundation, qualified -for every medical consultation, from the bedchamber of a -<em>duchess dowager</em> to the subterraneous residence of her <em>chairman</em>. -You have, at this period, not only shaken off the shackles -of servitude, but the very recollection of your long standing -culinary connections. In your various changes of residence, -tedious peregrinations, and medical observations, it is natural -to conclude, you have acquired by care, study, and attention, -a competent knowledge of almost every tint in the picture of -life; which, with embellishments, derived from a few courses -under some of the <em>metropolitan lecturers</em>, and <em>hospital attendance</em>, -to qualify you for the complication of <em>country</em> practice, there is -no doubt but you come from the forge properly formed, to -make wrong appear right, and right wrong, in the face of every -<em>old woman</em> in the county where you are going to reside.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_37">37</span></p> - -<p>Exclusive of these qualifications, and the many instructions -already introduced under the two preceding heads (to which -you may occasionally refer) there are a great variety that must -be advanced for <em>your particular use</em>, and to those you will, no -doubt, pay every proper attention, if you indulge the least desire -to become a popular member of the faculty. In respect to -personal appearance, former distinctions and peculiarities are in -some degree levelled, the world is very much relaxed in its severities, -and the apothecary mixes with the general herd of -mankind, without those distinguishing exteriors that <em>were</em> his -professional characteristics. The gilt-headed cane and enormous -tassel are no longer in use; the <em>full-bottom wig</em>, that so universally -ornamented the <em>os frontis</em> of the faculty in general, is now -almost laid aside with inferior classes, and engrossed by the <em>college</em>. -The apothecary (particularly in the country) is in every -respect free from the illiberal censure of former times, and -treading close upon the heels of the <em>parson</em> and the <em>lawyer</em>, enjoys, -without restraint, the <em>chace</em>, the <em>gun</em>, the <em>bottle</em>, and <em>bona-roba</em>. -These, if you are of a volatile disposition and amorous<span class="pagenum" id="Page_38">38</span> -constitution, afford (at seasonable opportunities) a happy and -high relished relaxation from the many severities of medical -practice.</p> - -<p>Having fixed upon your intended spot for embarkation, let -every thought be employed to display an attracting uniformity -in the disposition of your apparatus, for the <em>claptrap</em> of public -approbation; and though that great investigator of human nature -has beautifully portrayed “<em>a beggarly account of empty boxes</em>,” -yet they become immediately necessary to your present purpose; -it not being his business to explain the folly and extravagance -of your placing any thing of consequence there, before -you was experimentally convinced you should have occasion -for its use. Let there be a <em>profusion of appearance</em>; the <em>shell</em> -of a shop is not very expensive, and druggists are so numerous, -that you may be expeditiously supplied whenever circumstances -require it.—The bottles (being transparent) become more immediately -in need of <em>something</em> in each, particularly a few of -those articles (as hartshorn, lavender, &c.) that are in common -request. The lower drawers (within reach) may be labelled<span class="pagenum" id="Page_39">39</span> -with <em>obsolete titles</em>, and in each placed various paper parcels of -<em>bran</em> or <em>saw-dust</em>, to avoid a chance of the sarcasm upon the faculty -by a countryman, who happened to be left alone some -time in the shop of an apothecary, and whose curiosity being -excited by the great <em>number of drawers</em>, was powerfully -prompted to open one labelled “<em>Thus</em>,” which finding <em>empty</em>, -he was induced to try a second, <em>still the same</em>; a third, <em>the same -also</em>.—Oh! oh! says he, “I see plain enough how it is, they -are all <em>Thus</em>.” Your shop being at length finished in a stile -modern and striking, let a green silk curtain (with brass rods -and rings) be affixed to your window; it is an excellent method -of conveying an idea of internal mystery, and inspiring proportionate -external curiosity. Let no paltry diffidence appear in the -board over your door, announcing your name and qualifications; -there are great numbers that can’t distinguish <em>small -letters</em> at a distance, to avoid which inconvenience, let the capitals -be as conspicuous as the canvas figures at a country -puppet-shew.</p> - -<p>“Thus far before the wind;” and being (as it is natural to<span class="pagenum" id="Page_40">40</span> -conclude) not greatly engaged, it becomes your immediate -attention to wait personally upon the different overseers of the -surrounding parishes, and give them most forcibly to understand, -they have been for many years the subjects of imposition; -but you having more <em>honesty</em> than the whole body of -the faculty, will undertake to <em>farm</em> the medical superintendance -of the <em>poor</em>, at half the annual sum it has ever cost the inhabitants -before. This political stroke will excellently answer -both your purposes, for overseers in general care not how little -they pay; and you being professionally callous to the tears of -poverty and distress, care not how little you give for their -money.</p> - -<p><em>Tartar emetic</em>—<em>Pulv. contray.</em> c.—<em>Pulv. nitri</em>, and <em>Pulv. jalapii</em>—are -medicines admirably calculated for the constitutions of the -poor; and thirty or forty shillings a year in those articles, will -be sufficient for the consumption of <em>five</em> or <em>six</em> parishes; with the -additional advantage of rendering <em>vials</em> unnecessary, a consideration -of some consequence, when it is remembered they are -now double their former price. These parochial connections<span class="pagenum" id="Page_41">41</span> -will be productive of advantage in more ways than one, for -as the unhappy paupers will be constantly seen at your door, -it will afford all the appearance of sudden popularity.</p> - -<p>Ostentatious parade, and personal consequence, must be -your leading traits, and never lost sight of; <em>a couple of horses</em> -will contribute largely to these objects; not that you are expected -to degrade the dignity of your profession, by riding, -like Hughes or Astley, <em>two at a time</em>, but their appearance -will constitute an admirable shew of business in being rode -<em>alternately</em>; and as most young men who have not been long -their own masters, are fond of displaying their persons on -the <em>outside of a horse</em>, you may exultingly not only “feed fat” -the propensity, but the general run of your mechanical -neighbours (who see no farther than the tips of their noses, -and are ever caught by appearances) will erroneously suppose -you are visiting some of the first characters in the county. -As it will be now highly derogatory for you to stain -your hands with any menial services, procure speedily a <em>jour<span class="pagenum" id="Page_42">42</span>neyman</em> -(alias assistant) to enhance your own weight; if there -is at present nothing for him to do, the curtain, before recommended, -will obscure his indolence from the prying eye -of public curiosity.</p> - -<p>No part of the faculty having ever been remarkable for -the regularity or fervency of their <em>devotions</em>, your presence at -church will consequently not be expected (particularly after -the impressions you have made of being perpetually engaged) -unless you politically appear there at two or three different -times, merely for the convenience of being called out <em>by your -own direction</em>, at the still and most awful part of the service; -a circumstance that will tell much to your advantage with -every superannuated <em>old woman</em> in the parish. Take particular -care that your horse is constantly brought to your door -on the sabbath day, just as the neighbours are passing to -church, and there paraded some time previous to your appearance, -which to every weak mind will have its effects; -and be equally careful to measure the steps of your <em>horse</em>, by<span class="pagenum" id="Page_43">43</span> -the hands of your <em>watch</em>, so that whether your journey is accidentally -long, or intentionally short, you return just at the -moment of their dismission from the religious conventicle. -In passing the whole body of inhabitants, be strictly careful -of your self consequence—a bow of <em>significant respect</em> to two -or three of the <em>superiors</em>, may be applicable and consistent—but -no familiarity with, or knowledge of, the multitude; -the greater your <em>ostentation</em> and <em>indifference</em>, the more <em>servile</em> -will be their <em>admiration</em> and <em>respect</em>.</p> - -<p>By no means form any hasty or inconsiderate matrimonial -connection; you will derive many advantages at first from a life -of <em>celibacy</em>; there are always a variety of juvenile females in -the country (as well as the metropolis) who considering themselves -<em>every way qualified</em> to constitute <em>doctor’s ladies</em>, will most -industriously <em>throw</em> themselves in your way upon every occasion, -that their personal attractions may not escape your observation. -To families where there are daughters, nieces, or -cousins, who <em>conceive</em> themselves ripe for the <em>gordian knot</em>, you<span class="pagenum" id="Page_44">44</span> -may assure yourself of being called in a short time; for as -you are such “a charming man” in your appearance, (and -so admirably <em>fitting</em> for a husband) there can’t be the least -reason to doubt your professional qualifications.</p> - -<p>You may perhaps start some doubts, (or conscientious -qualms may arise) how these appearances are to be supported -in the infancy of business, without any great personal property -to sanction or justify the attempt; in such diffidence -you perfectly display, not only your pusillanimity, but want -of knowledge and experience; for certainly out of the above -description of females, who will constantly pay court to your -consequence, and by a <em>thousand modes</em> solicit your attention, -surely some one of the <em>best possessions</em> may be obtained, whose -<em>fortune</em>, and advantage of family connection, may answer your -most sanguine expectations: but should <em>fate</em> conspire against -you in both <em>business and marriage</em>, you will have the consolation -of having made <em>a bold push</em>, and failing in the attempt, -you only become a fashionable adventurer, and gratefully -pay your creditors <em>nothing in the pound</em>.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_45">45</span></p> - -<p>Having gone through a chain of circumstances and instructions, -necessary for the support of your <em>public</em> appearance, -it will be naturally expected I shall revert to the modes -of behaviour that are to constitute your <em>private</em> character, in -the professional transactions that you conclude will daily occur. -First, let it be your constant observance to be equally -reserved and difficult of access—whenever your opinion is -required, even in your own shop, appear there with tedious -reluctance, as if privacies of the utmost consequence prevented -your earlier attendance; this will not only add to your medical -weight, but raise your reputation for <em>good breeding</em> and -intercourse with the polite world; for it is universally known, -none but the inferior orders are introduced to each other -without ceremony; it would be therefore highly ridiculous in -you to practise a mode of behaviour in use only with the -lowest classes of mankind.</p> - -<p>Never leave home without letting your horse be held long -enough at the door to be observed by the surrounding neigh<span class="pagenum" id="Page_46">46</span>bours; -the most trifling indication of business is a point in -your favour, and ought by no means to be omitted. By -the invariable good effect of which rule, no messenger whatever -should arrive from the country for medicines, but he -must be detained <em>as long as possible</em>; his preparations should -never be ready when called for; on the contrary, his horse -should be hung or held at the door for half an hour at least; -a double advantage is derived from this necessary caution—the -horse at the door will prove a striking object to the public, -and the messenger will assure the family you attend, that, -nothing but your great hurry occasioned the delay in his -return.</p> - -<p>It will be strictly proper for you, upon all occasions, to -preserve the most inflexible serenity of countenance, even to -extreme gravity; and this injunction becomes the more immediately -necessary, as there are a vast variety of unexpected -causes for laughter, to which you will be open, in the frequent -applications of unpolished rustics, for your <em>great opinion</em><span class="pagenum" id="Page_47">47</span> -and assistance. One class will “beg the favour of you to <em>subscribe</em> -for their complaints;” another “hopes you won’t be -offended, but he is come to <em>insult</em> you upon his case;” these -instances are so exceedingly common, that you will often -meet with them, where they are least expected. There now -lives <em>an alderman</em>, in a very capital town and place of <em>royal -residence</em>, who, a few years since, labouring under an <em>epidemic</em> -complaint, was told that symptoms were alarming, and a -<em>glyster</em> was unavoidably necessary; to which representation he -expostulated, begging the apothecary “to lay aside his intention, -and give him any thing to <em>take inwardly</em>, but for -<em>God’s sake</em>, to have no <em>cutting</em> and <em>slaying</em>.”—Another of the -same <em>learned body corporate</em> (for they have both kissed the -K—g’s hand) said “he bore the severity of his complaint -with more patience, now he was <em>manured</em> to it.”</p> - -<p>To prove the frequency of these accidental slips, it is impossible -to resist the present temptation of introducing a few -more, that occur to memory in the present recital. A lad<span class="pagenum" id="Page_48">48</span> -upon the borders of Northamptonshire, being sent in the -night to a medical practitioner at Banbury, and calling him -out of bed, told him, “he must come immediately to his -mistress, for she had got a <em>Vistula</em>!”——“Where? <em>In -ano?</em>” “No, Zir, in the next parish to’t.”</p> - -<p>In an excursion to Surrey, I was solicited in a parish near -Chertsey, to give my advice to a master carpenter there, who -had been a long time indisposed; but my prescription having -had the desired effect, and the poor man getting abroad, -he very gratefully declared to all his friends, “I was the <em>best -musician</em> that ever came into the country.”—In the county -of Berks, an elderly woman came to consult me upon the -bad state of her daughter’s health; and after animadverting -upon symptoms, told me <em>in a whisper</em>, “that her daughter -was to have been married to a young man some time -since; but something happening to break it off, she really -believed <em>’twas nature turned inward in her</em>.”</p> - -<p>Paying a visit, in my earlier days, to the lady of a good<span class="pagenum" id="Page_49">49</span> -old country alderman of a borough in Hertfordshire, she, -after many aukward apologies for the indelicacy of the subject, -tremblingly told me, “she had been very uneasy for -some days, with a violent heat in her <em>firmament</em>.”—By way of -suppressing those risible emotions in my disposition I have before -described, I, for a moment, changed the subject, by enquiring -the health of her husband; to which she replied, with -thanks, “he was exceedingly well, but gone to make an -<em>exerescence</em> into the country;” plunged deeper in difficulty, -and nearer the <em>laugh</em> than before, which was now become -hard to suppress, I applied myself to her snuff-box, then on -the table, and passing a few encomiums on its neatness, she -said, it was very much admired, being a <em>gypsey’s pimple</em> set in -<em>pinch-gut</em>.</p> - -<p>You will, no doubt, be now prepared for such unexpected -misapplication of words, such <em>sublimity of expression</em>, -and regulate the rigidity of your <em>frontal</em> muscles accordingly; -when called to a patient, let your personal address and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_50">50</span> -behaviour be modelled entirely by the state of his <em>property</em>; -if he is <em>your superior</em> in rank and condition, every action of -yours must denote it most strikingly;—you <em>approach</em> with -<em>respect</em>—you <em>dictate</em> with <em>submission</em>—your mildness and <em>affected -penetration</em> must be perceptible in all your enquiries, making -the most scrupulous observations how far you seem to gain -upon the <em>credulity</em> and good opinion of your subject, taking -leave with all those attracting expressions of tenderness and -sympathy, (highly tinctured with respect) that may give -your patient a favourable idea of the <em>integrity</em>, it can never -be your <em>interest</em> to possess.</p> - -<p>On the contrary, when your advice and assistance is required -to a patient, whose feelings are equally wounded by -bodily affliction and the barbed arrow of adversity, you may -safely reverse the whole mode of behaviour, and put into -practice your personal pride, even to perfect impudence. -This will be in many respects a consistency of conduct; it -will be convincing them, as you have nothing to hope from<span class="pagenum" id="Page_51">51</span> -their <em>affluence</em>, you have certainly nothing to fear from their -<em>poverty</em>.</p> - -<p>Let what will be the condition of your patient, you are -not to act as some few conscientious practitioners do, explaining -what you conceive to be the nature of the case, -original cause of complaint, or from what operation you -expect expeditious relief; this may be the best practice with -those unfashionable formal old fellows, who received their -medical instructions near half a century since, and pique -themselves upon what they call their <em>integrity</em>; but it will be -perfectly <em>illiberal</em> in you, who have received a more modern, -and polished education. Ambiguity, and true medical mystery, -will be your best guide upon every occasion; by not -naming the case, or <em>cause of complaint</em>, you can never be accused -of having <em>mistaken</em> it; and by letting the property of -the medicine you administer remain a matter of secrecy with -all but yourself, you reserve the incontrovertible power of -saying, “it has had the <em>very effect</em> you <em>intended</em>,” whether it<span class="pagenum" id="Page_52">52</span> -operates by <em>vomit</em>, <em>stool</em>, <em>urine</em>, <em>perspiration</em>, or <em>sleep</em>: these are -precautions a <em>wise</em> man always takes, a <em>fool</em> never, and may -be deemed something similar to the conduct of Bayes’s -troops in the Rehearsal, who, the <em>warlike</em> messenger said, -“were stealing a march in <em>stilts</em>.”</p> - -<p>During the indisposition of your patient, ’tis your duty -to think much more of the emolument that will arise from -the <em>protraction</em> of his case, than the <em>expedience</em> of his cure. -You must have it ever in mind, that he has paid you the -the greatest compliment one man can possibly pay another -on earth; he has placed an implicit confidence, and entrusted -you with the care of his constitution and the key of his cash; -in fact, he has put both his <em>life</em> and <em>property</em> into your hands; -and the respect you owe to <em>self-preservation</em> renders it necessary -you make the most of <em>both</em>. Let your attachment to his -health and interest be demonstrated by the frequency of your -attendance; it will be impossible for you to give a greater -proof of your <em>disinterested</em> friendship, than by your large<span class="pagenum" id="Page_53">53</span> -and constant supplies of different medicines; too great a -quantity, too great a variety cannot be introduced; they all -tend to a promotion of your emolument, and the sum total -of your bill will be considered <em>a striking proof</em> of your <em>merit</em> -and assiduity.</p> - -<p>If you find the family and friends not perfectly satisfied -with your conduct, that there is the least coolness and discontent -perceptible, or symptoms of present or approaching danger, -strongly recommend the presence of a <em>better opinion</em> in -the form of a physician; this will prove an exertion of the -soundest policy—double the quantity of medicines will be -thrown into <em>his</em> prescription for the promotion of <em>your</em> interest, -an act that the present danger will amply justify, and -should the unhappy victim be doomed</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"><div class="poetry"><div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse">“To pass that bourne,</div> -<div class="verse">From whence no traveller returns,”</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>You have nobly and skilfully slipped your neck out of the -collar, and left all the credit of <em>killing</em> (as you really ought to<span class="pagenum" id="Page_54">54</span> -do) to your superior, whose <em>diploma</em> entitles him to the preference; -and, <em>vice versa</em>, should you perceive the patient and -family become dupes to your affected sincerity, and that you -are daily raising yourself in their estimation, erect a structure -of professional applause upon the basis of their <em>credulity</em>; insinuate -every possible degree of self praise, and set the advice -of a physician in the most contemptible point of view.—Affect -unlimited attachment to the interest of your patient, and -say, “you would recommend much better advice than your -own, if you could do it with a conscientious consistency; but -it had ever been an opinion of yours (which was still unaltered) -if the apothecary could not plunder a family <em>sufficiently</em>, -the better method would be to adopt <em>a consultation</em>, when it -might be done to a <em>certainty</em>.”</p> - -<p>This open manner of dealing instantly enhances you in the -estimation of patient and friends, and you will consequently -stand so high in opinion that you may proceed deliberately -in your <em>spoils</em> without interruption, for where there<span class="pagenum" id="Page_55">55</span> -are no <em>daily fees</em> (swallowed up in the <em>vortex</em> of the college) -your more trifling depredations will not be considered as -matters of medical magnitude or imposition.</p> - -<p>In all kinds of inferior practice render every look, every -thought and action, subservient to your general intent of -personal rank and pecuniary consequence; it must be your -particular study to inculcate every idea in the lower class, of -your great penetration and abilities; by your minute investigations, -cross-examinations, and applicable nods of significance -(implying the most extensive knowledge) you will discover -remote symptoms, that once explained to the complaining -patient, will give them reason to believe (which they very -readily do) you are a supernatural agent; and one <em>fool</em> of <em>this -denomination</em>, who firmly believes you know the state of his -health by the <em>wrinkles</em> in his <em>forehead</em>, or the <em>cloud</em> in his <em>urine</em>, -will soon infect a whole county with the certainty of your infallible -qualifications. This opinion once founded, the effect -is absolutely incredible, an instance of which may be found<span class="pagenum" id="Page_56">56</span> -in various parts of England, but more particularly in a very -large and populous town, not forty miles west of the metropolis, -where <em>fools</em> from every part of the county are constantly -driving (their pockets laden with <em>chamber-lye</em>) to a -famous inspector of <em>urinals</em>, vulgarly denominated a <em>piss-pot -doctor</em>, who, to magnify the report of his incredible skill and -penetration, has adopted a certain method to impose upon -the minds of the multitude, and prey upon the little pecuniary -collections they can make, to become the dupes of <em>his -villainy</em> and their own <em>infatuation</em>.</p> - -<p>The mode of imposition, I shall explain in a fact as communicated -by one of his most intimate friends, and leave the -story itself to applaud his ingenuity:—He has (in a very respectable -habitation) a small private room, to which every patient -or messenger is conducted (upon a plea that the <em>doctor</em> -is not at home, or is particularly engaged) here an emissary -(as if casually) asking certain questions, hears the whole -story, examines the urine, and descends to particulars—the<span class="pagenum" id="Page_57">57</span> -<em>doctor</em> is in the adjoining apartment (calculated by a thin partition -and certain openings, invisible to the unsuspecting visitor) -where he minutely hears the entire conversation; the -necessary secrets being obtained, he makes his appearance -with the most commanding aspect; at this awful ceremony, -the fascinated patient almost feels the effect of <span class="smcap">ANIMAL MAGNETISM</span>; -the approach of so much wisdom deprives him for a -moment of speech, and the <em>poor devil</em> undergoes a kind of -temporary annihilation. An instance of this occurred not long -since, when a country fellow having journeyed twelve miles -to the doctor with a bottle of his wife’s <em>chrystal stream</em>, communicated -the necessary particulars to the agent, when the -doctor, in possession of the secret, made his appearance.—“Well, -friend!”—“I have brought your honour my wife’s -water, she could not <em>rest any longer</em> without your <em>device</em>.”—“Your -wife’s water—very well—let me see!—aye, I -perceive she has <em>bruised her shoulder</em>.”—“Yes, Sir, she has -indeed.”—“By this water (it is perfectly clear) she has<span class="pagenum" id="Page_58">58</span> -<em>fallen down stairs</em>.”—“Yes, your honour!”—“She is not -injured in any other part by the fall?”—“Only complains -a little at the <em>bottom of her belly</em>, your honour.”—“Well, -she fell from the top of the stairs to the bottom, <em>I see</em>?”—“No, -your honour, she had gone down two steps before she -fell.”—“Indeed! why then you have not brought me <em>all -her water</em>.”—“No, your honour, there was <em>a little</em> the -bottle would not hold.”—“Why then, sirrah, the <em>two -stairs</em> are left behind<span class="pagenum" id="Page_59">59</span>.“——This circumstance, (of a thousand -that might be quoted) is sufficient to demonstrate the -ridiculous credulity of the multitude in all matters of quackery, -and leaves us to lament, that the ignorance of one class, -should become so wretched a prey to the deliberate villainy -of another.</p> - -<p>The long experience you have had, in charging and posting -your accompts, under different masters of equal judgment -and experience, leaves little room for instruction under -that head; it may however not prove inapplicable to remind -you, it is no matter how incoherent or unintelligible the -<em>writing</em> is, provided your <em>figures</em> are <em>bold</em> and <em>conspicuous</em>; so -long as you can convince them how much they <em>have to pay</em>, -it is a total matter of indifference to you, how much they -have <em>received</em>.</p> - -<p>There is one caution however exceedingly necessary to be -advanced, to prevent your becoming subject to a reproof -given by the celebrated Dean Swift to his apothecary, for -presuming to be handsomely paid for the confidence of putting -himself upon an equality with his superiors. This is -the impropriety of letting the word ”<em>visits</em>“ constitute a -part of your charge, instead of the more modest term of -”<em>journeys</em>,“ or ”<em>attendance</em><span class="pagenum" id="Page_60">60</span>.“</p> - -<p>The Dean having been afflicted with a long and severe fit -of illness, requested, soon after recovery, the apothecary’s -bill; which having perused, and finding a sum total very -much beyond his expectation, he proceeded to <em>dissection</em>, and -perceiving almost every <em>third article</em> to announce the honour -of a ”<em>visit</em>,” at five shillings each, he satirically adopted the -following plan to punish <em>Mr. Emetic</em>, for what the Dean considered -a piece of consummate assurance.—Having required -his attendance to receive his demand, he paid down a certain -sum of money, which the mortified apothecary continued to -tell over, and repeatedly compare with the figures denoting -the <em>sum total</em>; but still continuing <em>to tell and compare</em>, without -seeming to get at all nearer the point of satisfaction, the -Dean, in compassion to the confusion he visibly laboured under, -observed, as he did not seem to be perfectly clear in his -arrangement of the accompt, he would set him right.—If -he would but deduct the amount of the “visits” from the -sum total of his bill, he would find it exactly right; for -being now pretty well recovered, he intended <em>paying</em> him his -“<em>visits</em>” again <em>one at a time</em>.</p> - -<p>You will now naturally conclude every instruction that can -be possibly necessary, has been submitted to your consideration, -for the promotion of your prosperous and profitable<span class="pagenum" id="Page_61">61</span> -career through the medical journey of life; it is not so; for -although we have gone through the usual forms of sickness, -to either recovery or death, there is still one remark necessary, -to the completion of consistency, in your professional -character. It is a few observations, in derision of that truly -contemptible burlesque upon propriety, in following the -corps of your patient to the grave; a folly originating in -<em>ignorance</em>, and established by <em>custom</em>; a circumstance so truly -ridiculous and farcical, that it did not escape the penetration -and sarcastic wit of our Aristophanes of the present century, -who attacked it with the full force of his satire, in the description -given by a taylor, in one of his celebrated comedies, -who says, “as he was going home to a customer with a pair -of breeches under his arm, he perceived his neighbour -<em>Gargle</em>, the apothecary, following a <em>corps</em> to the grave,—so -says he, Master Gargle, I see you are going home with -your <em>work too</em>.” The justice of this remark renders the -circumstance so truly ridiculous, that it is a matter of admi<span class="pagenum" id="Page_62">62</span>ration, -how any man of the most common understanding -can ever submit to an indignity so truly laughable. It certainly -bears the appearance of your not being content with -preying upon the property of the deceased, during their last -hours of sublunary affliction, but you meanly pursue their -very remains to the grave, and obtain a paltry hatband and -gloves, at the expence of decency and discretion. Exclusive -of this very striking obstacle, there is one of equal weight in -the scale of your professional reputation—it certainly can add -none to the eminence of your character, that the contents of -the coffin was publickly known to be a subject of your skill -and experimental practice.</p> - -<p>You will certainly experience some difficulty in evading a -compliance with many requests, made to you for this purpose; -but I would recommend it to you to encounter displeasure, -rather than become the dupe of so great an absurdity. -To inculcate by example, what I have strongly recommended -in precept, you may be assured, that I have,<span class="pagenum" id="Page_63">63</span> -during my long practice, retained so great an aversion to this -inconsistency of character, that I rendered myself totally incapable -of compliance, by never having in possession <em>a suit of -mourning</em>; this resource has always proved my never failing -friend, when no other apology would be accepted; and by -never seeming to recollect <em>the want</em> till a few hours before the -<em>funeral</em>, a written apology has always proved a respectable -substitute, to which there was no alternative.</p> - -<p>Having descended to the very minutiæ of a long, extensive, -and successful practice, to form your mind, and regulate -your manners in every professional transaction of your life, -I cannot doubt, but rules so directly consonant to your personal -interest and reputation, will receive every assistance from -your unerring consistency and perseverance, conveying a perfect -corroboration of the <em>gratitude</em> you feel, for the intrinsic -worth of so liberal and friendly a communication.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /></div> -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_64">64</span></p> - - - - -<h2 class="nobreak"><a name="TO" id="TO">TO</a><br /> - -THE CHYMISTS AND DRUGGISTS.</h2> - - -<p>It will create no surprise that you bring up the rear of -this medical exhibition, when it is remembered that the -most opulent, eminent, or respectable, generally close every -public procession.—You are to the faculty, what the <em>hammerman</em> -is to the <em>forge</em>; you are in fact the <em>arterial reservoir</em>, from -whose source flow the rich streams, that feed the <em>venal divisions</em> -in every branch of the profession, whether in town or country. -To the fertility of your genius, to the extent of your -commerce, to the enterprising spirit of your pecuniary embarkations, -the faculty are indebted for the great variety -and striking novelties, that render them so much the subjects -of admiration.</p> - -<p>You happily derive your affluence from dealing innocently -around you the various <em>instruments</em> of <em>death</em>, with an in<span class="pagenum" id="Page_65">65</span>difference -that sufficiently exculpates you from the suspicion -of <em>murder</em>, even as accessaries before the fact.—Your constant, -and extensive inventions (for the promotion of private emolument -and public good) rank you high in general estimation, -and you prudently recommend yourselves to the attention of -the most learned, by your very <em>frequent</em> and <em>extraordinary</em> discoveries.—Your -advertisements (with which almost every -literary vehicle teems) are alike calculated to excite wonder -and approbation; they seem to indicate proofs, that <em>you alone</em> -exceed the limits of human penetration, and display a hope -of perpetual existence, by setting mortality at defiance; like a -groupe of <em>desperate hazard players</em>, you are “at all in the -ring,” and with a degree of emulative opposition to each -other, produce from your <em>alembics</em>—<em>bolt heads</em>, and <em>balneum -arenæs</em>, antidotes to every ill: the only ray of consolation to -the less learned is, that <em>death</em> (often an unexpected visitor) -opens the eyes of the world to the arts of your deception, -and you slide into the grave with the calm and unobserved<span class="pagenum" id="Page_66">66</span> -obscurity of your neighbours. The wonderful extent of your -fertile abilities are constantly conveyed to public attention, -through the pompous medium of “Letters Patent” and -“Royal Authority,” that are at length become (from the -higher arts) the fashionable introduction to a <em>breeches ball</em>; a -<em>tincture for the tooth ach</em>; a <em>blacking cake</em>, or a <em>gamboge horse ball</em>.</p> - -<p>While I lament this degradation, this prostitution of patronage, -to such <em>trifling</em>, such <em>contemptible</em> efforts of <em>sterility</em>, I -cannot but consider how gratefully, how extensively, you are -bound to a credulous and indulgent public, who implicitly -sanction with their patronage, every production of <em>genius or -dullness</em>, whether in a <em>philosophic taper</em>, a concentrated <em>acid of -vinegar</em>, or a <em>salt of lemons</em>; they are undoubtedly discoveries -of <em>immense magnitude</em> to the public at large; and experience -has sufficiently proved, that so much <em>patriotic virtue</em> should -meet its <em>own reward</em>.</p> - -<p>Notwithstanding the superiority and extent of your knowledge, -so visibly displayed in the <em>sublimity</em> of your frequent<span class="pagenum" id="Page_67">67</span> -experiments, that have raised you to such a great degree of -professional eminence, there may yet be some profitable principles -of practice, inculcated by a long and studious observer, -that will evidently add to your emoluments, if not to the encrease -of your reputations.</p> - -<p>Your <em>peculiar modesty</em> may have prevented your attaining -the utmost perfection of your art, and left you strangers to -the very great and undiscovered advantages, that the privileges -of your profession so singularly entitle you to; for -though you may hitherto have reconciled yourselves to a -paltry <em>mechanical</em> profit of thirty-five or forty per cent. what -law forbids you making the “most of your market,” and -enhancing those profits to such state, as may best accord with -your idea and gratification of <em>city eminence</em>—<em>rural ease</em>—<em>external -appearance</em>, and <em>domestic hospitality</em>? To insure these -comforts to a certainty, accept such instructions, (as closely -adhered to) will inevitably produce the purposes for which -they are introduced.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_68">68</span></p> - -<p>Hitherto, a stranger to the happy effects of necessary -<em>adulteration</em>, it may not be inapplicable to say a few words -upon its numerous advantages; first, at your embarkation, -you should adopt it as the <em>ultimatum</em> of all your professional -views, and render it as subservient to your wishes, as the -lover’s invariable observance of “<em>persevere</em> and <em>conquer</em>,” is to -his. <em>Adulteration</em> has many pleasing advantages annexed to -its practice; by the applicable introduction of an <em>harmless</em> ingredient, -you may reduce the dangerous property of a -<em>drastic</em> purgative, and render a powerful <em>poison</em> less destructive; -by such acts you will enjoy the inexpressible consolation -of hourly contributing to the safety of your fellow-creatures, -in exertions of <em>humanity</em>, that will do you the -greatest honour.</p> - -<p>The prelude to the <em>Pharmacopœia</em>, sufficiently informs you, -the <em>College of Wigs</em> are empowered by royal sanction to invent, -or constitute forms, and the <em>cabinet</em> to enforce them; -but your superior knowledge sets such arbitrary dictation at<span class="pagenum" id="Page_69">69</span> -defiance, and your <em>practical arts</em> will ever supersede their -<em>theoretical</em> penetration. Let them happily enjoy the power to -alter names, and improve forms of all the compositions in -that <em>laughable farrago</em>, their <em>new dispensatory</em>; they have the -province to direct, and you have the pleasure to evade; obeying -their injunctions no farther than is strictly consistent with -your own interest and convenience. To assist the aptitude -of your fertility, let me introduce to your attention (as specimens -of what may be done) some few of the advantageous -alterations that may be made in medicinal composition, to -promote your certain emolument, without arraigning your -<em>integrity</em>.</p> - -<p>In that expensive preparation <em>confectio cardiaca</em> (newly -named by college sagacity <em>confectio aromatica</em>) opportunity -offers to display a part of your privilege in substituting the -use of <em>saffron paper</em>, which will impart to the composition the -rich colour of the original <em>crocus</em>; for those other high priced -articles <em>cardamoms</em>, <em>cinnamon</em>, <em>nutmegs</em>, and <em>cloves</em>, applicable<span class="pagenum" id="Page_70">70</span> -and proportional quantities of those cheaper (and equally -efficacious) <em>cordials</em> and <em>carminatives</em>, <em>ginger</em>, <em>grains of paradise</em>, -or any of the inferior spices may be added. In large -preparations of the <em>electarium lenitivum</em>, an introduction of the -<em>pulp of prunes</em> for the <em>pulp of cassia</em>, will save much additional -expence and trouble.—In the <em>syrupus e spina cervina</em>, treacle -is certainly preferable to the finest lump sugar, with this advantage, -that the predominant nausea will prevent the discovery.</p> - -<p>Experience will convince you that <em>spiritus c. c.</em> (<em>per se</em>) -obtained by distillation from the accumulated stale urine of a -parish workhouse, or the bones of animals, will be by far -preferable to that drawn from the purest <em>cornu cervi</em>; as are -the rasura c. c. from the shank bones of horses, or cows, -preferable to all other.—<em>Sp. terebinthinæ</em> (carefully and proportionally -incorporated) becomes an admirable associate -with the <em>ol. juniperi</em>.—<em>Ol. amygdalinum</em> (and many other articles -blended <em>secundum artem</em>) form an excellent combination<span class="pagenum" id="Page_71">71</span> -with, and increase the stock of <em>ol. anisi verum</em>.—<em>Genuine gum -guaiacum</em>—<em>galbanum</em>—<em>storax</em>, and <em>bals. tolutanum</em>, may undergo -the process of <em>purification</em> much better, if impregnated with -the occasional assistance of either the <em>resina nigra</em>, or <em>flava</em>.—The -various unguents will derive advantage from the salutary -introduction of <em>auxungiæ porcincæ</em>, as a substitute for those -more <em>expensive and unnecessary</em> articles <em>cera flava</em> and <em>ol. olivarum</em>.</p> - -<p><em>Pulv. anisi verum</em> will be much more easily reduced from the -cakes, after the seed has been expressed, the oil obtained, and -their medical virtue entirely extracted; it is an article only -in use for horses and cows; whether they are <em>killed or cured</em>, is -an object not worthy your consideration. <em>Liquorice</em>, <em>fenugreek</em>, -<em>diapente</em>, <em>turmeric</em>, and <em>elecampane</em>, are to receive their basis -from <em>horse beans</em> ground (at the medical mills) exceedingly -fine, and to be impregnated properly with the different articles -from which they derive their names, so as to retain each -their predominant effluvia; and as these are articles in use<span class="pagenum" id="Page_72">72</span> -for cattle only, you will give proof of your humanity, by -drenching them with <em>food</em> instead of <em>physic</em>. The species <em>hiera</em> -will be much more certain in its effects, if prepared with the -<em>Barbadoes</em>, instead of the <em>Succotrine</em> aloes; and the true Dutch -biscuit powder, will form no unprofitable union with the powder -of <em>Salop</em>. In fact, innumerable instances of professional -skill and œconomy might be introduced, extending instructions -to a much greater length than originally intended; -protracting the explanatory parts beyond the limits of utility, -an accusation it has been my principal care to avoid.</p> - -<p>It may perhaps be almost unnecessary to remind you, how -absolutely needful it will be, to reduce to impalpable pulverization -and complicated forms, all inferior and damaged -<em>drugs</em> of every denomination; in <em>powders</em>, <em>tinctures</em>, <em>electuaries</em>, -and other preparations, their defects will not be perceptible, -and it will prove matter of no small gratification to you, that -many practitioners are very <em>inferior judges</em> of the compositions -they constantly prescribe; to these may be added the still<span class="pagenum" id="Page_73">73</span> -greater number, that never condescend to undergo the task -of inspection, forming together a major part of the very numerous -and respectable body I have undertaken to instruct.—If -you are a dispenser of <em>chemicals</em> and <em>galenicals</em> by retail, -one additional observation will prove worthy your attention—never -let your shop, or dispensary, get into disrepute by -too much modesty, in saying you are without the most obsolete -or ridiculous article that can be enquired for; if <em>oil of -swallows</em>, <em>oil of bricks</em>, <em>lobsters’ blood</em>, or <em>milk of lilies</em>, should be -the objects in request, let the fertility of your invention <em>instantly</em> -furnish a substitute for either; of these, such a great -variety are always to be found, the least enumeration becomes -unnecessary.</p> - -<p>The series of instructions advanced for the promotion of -professional interest, have been promulgated without a fear -of offence, or hope of reward; amidst the very great number -of different practitioners, into whose hands these admonitions -must inevitably fall, happy he who can exultingly exclaim,</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_74">74</span></p> - -<p> -“Let the gall’d jade wince, our withers are unwrung.”<br /> -</p> - -<p>From the physician, who lingers out a life of <em>studious suspense</em>, -and derives a scanty subsistence from the alternate labour of -morning visits and evening lectures—from that <em>dignified</em> -“member of the corporation,” whole <em>mercurial</em> abilities are -thrust into the hand of every dirty passenger, in the more -dirty avenues of the metropolis—from that industrious <em>accoucher</em>, -whose incessant nocturnal labour renders him, in -common life, little superior to the <em>nightman</em>, and that equal -drudge the metropolitan <em>pharmacopolist</em>, I can have little to -expect but universal denunciation of vengeance, and threats -of malevolence: to the effect of these, I oppose the stability -of <em>truth</em>, that will render me <em>invulnerable</em> to all their attacks.</p> - -<p>A steady observance of the iniquity of medical practice -has long since powerfully convinced me of the absolute necessity -of professional reformation, and should I (by arming -the public with a weapon of self-defence) succeed in producing -a change in the systematic imposition of one, and<span class="pagenum" id="Page_75">75</span> -preventing perpetual depredation upon the other, every idea -of personal ambition will be fully gratified, for</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"><div class="poetry"><div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse">“So little slave to what the world calls fame;</div> -<div class="verse">As dies my body—so I wish my name.”</div> -</div></div></div> - -<p>But this obscurity in the present instance is much more anxiously -to be <em>hoped</em> than <em>expected</em>, for there cannot be the least -doubt entertained but <em>some one</em> of his Majesty’s ministers (who -are ever anxious for the public good and increase of revenue) -will, through the medium of the publisher, discover the joint -secret of <em>name</em> and <em>residence</em>, that by placing the author in the -<span class="smcap">TREASURY</span>, <span class="smcap">CUSTOMS</span>, or some office equally lucrative, they -may avail themselves of his <span class="smcap">INTEGRITY</span>, not hesitating a moment -to believe, that so just an investigator of professional -impositions upon individuals, must unavoidably render the -<span class="smcap">STATE</span> adequate service, in the discovery of official depredations -upon the <span class="smcap">PUBLIC</span>.</p> - - -<p class="center">FINIS.</p> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="chapter"> -<h2 class="nobreak" id="BOOKS_lately_published_by_G_KEARSLEY">BOOKS lately published by G. KEARSLEY,</h2> - -<p class="center">At DOCTOR JOHNSON’s HEAD, No. 46, FLEET-STREET, LONDON.</p> - -<p class="center"><small>Where all <span class="smcap">New Publications</span> may be had on the shortest Notice</small>.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> -<div class="small narrow"> -<p>A TOUR through HOLLAND, DUTCH BRABANT, -the AUSTRIAN NETHERLANDS, -and Part of FRANCE:</p> - -<p class="center"> -In which is included a Description of Paris and its -Environs.<br /> - -By the late HARRY PECKHAM, Esq.<br /> - -One of his Majesty’s Counsel, and Recorder of the -City of Chichester.</p> -<p class="center"> -Price 3s. 6d. half bound, with a Map of the Low -Countries.</p> -<p class="center"> -Of Kearsley may also be had, in Pocket Volumes, together -or separate,</p> - -<p>The TOUR of FRANCE, with two Maps, price -3s. 6d.</p> - -<p>TOUR of ITALY, with a Map, 4s. 6d.</p> - -<p>TOUR of SWITZERLAND, including M. De -SAUSSURE’s Account of his Expedition to the Summit -of MONT BLANC, with a Map, 2s. 6d.</p> - -<p>Each of these TOURS contains all the Information -that can be useful to TRAVELLERS and entertaining -to READERS; among which are the Expences upon -the Road, regulated by the Mode of travelling; the -best Hotels, Inns, and Lodgings, are accurately reported; -also the Distances between the Towns; curious -Collections and public Buildings. To which is added, -An Account of the Coins of each Country, the Customs -and Manners of the Inhabitants, &c. &c.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="hang">The following entertaining Collection was compiled by -a Person of distinguished Abilities, for the Use of -young People, and as a Guide to the curious Traveller -who intends to visit these Regions, which contain -so many Wonders of <span class="smcap">Art</span> and <span class="smcap">Nature</span>.</p> -<p>A Description of <em class="gesperrt">SICILY</em> and <em class="gesperrt">MALTA</em>, -With an Account of the late Earthquake at Messina; -the Eruptions of Mount Etna; the Destruction of -Hybla; the present State of Palmyra; the Customs and -Manners of the Sicilians; their Marriages, Carriages, -&c. Account of Syracuse, and the Knights of Malta; -with a great Variety of curious and singular Descriptions, -extracted from the Travels of Brydone, Swinburn, -Sir William Hamilton, and other respectable -Writers.</p> - -<p class="center">Price Three Shillings and Sixpence bound.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center">The FLOWERS of MODERN TRAVELS.</p> - -<p>Being elegant, entertaining, and instructive Extracts, -selected from the Works of the most celebrated Travellers; -such as, Lord Lyttelton, Sir W. Hamilton, -Baron de Tott, Dr. Johnson, Dr. Moore, Dr. Troil, -Addison, Brydone, Coxe, Wraxall, Savary, Topham, -Sherlock, Douglas, Lady M. W. Montague, &c. &c. &c.—Intended -chiefly for young People of both Sexes.</p> - -<p class="center"> -By the Rev. JOHN ADAMS, A. M.</p> -<div class="poetry-container"><div class="poetry"><div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse">Here you may range the world from pole to pole,</div> -<div class="verse">Increase your knowledge, and delight your soul;</div> -<div class="verse">Travel all nations, and inform your sense,</div> -<div class="verse">With ease and safety, at a small expence.</div> -<div class="verse indent12"><span class="smcap">Anon.</span></div> -</div></div></div> -<p class="center">Two Vols. Price Six Shillings sewed.</p> - -<hr /> -<p class="center">The FLOWERS of ANCIENT and MODERN -HISTORY.</p> - -<p>Comprehending, on a new Plan, the most remarkable -and interesting Events, as well as ancient and modern -Characters; designed for the Improvement and -Entertainment of Youth.</p> - -<p class="center"> -By the Rev. JOHN ADAMS, A. M.<br /> - -<em>Omne tulit punctum, qui miscuit utile dulci.</em> <span class="smcap">Hor.</span><br /> - -Two Volumes, Price Six Shillings sewed.<br /> -Either Volume may be had separate.<br /> -</p> -<hr /> - -<p class="center">RECREATION for YOUTH.</p> - -<p class="center">An useful and entertaining EPITOME of GEOGRAPHY -and BIOGRAPHY.</p> - -<p>The first Part comprising a general View of the several -Empires, Kingdoms, Republics, States, remarkable -Islands, Mountains, Seas, Rivers, and Lakes, -with their Situation, Extent, Capitals, Population, -Produce, Arts, Religion, and Commerce. Including -the Discoveries of Captain Cook and others.</p> - -<p>The second Part including the LIVES of the most -eminent MEN who have flourished in Great Britain -and its Dependencies.</p> - -<p class="center"> -By JOHN PATERSON SERVICE.<br /> -Price Three Shillings and Sixpence bound.<br /> -</p> -<hr /> - -<p class="center"> -With five new Plates, from the Designs of Mr. Nixon,<br /> -The Tenth Edition of that pleasing Selection,<br /> -The BEAUTIES of STERNE.<br /> -Calculated for the Heart of Sensibility.<br /> -</p> - -<p>This Volume contains a Selection of Mr. Sterne’s -Familiar Letters, the Story of Le Fevre and Uncle -Toby, Maria, Shandy’s Bed of Justice, Yorick’s Horse, -Corporal Trim’s Brother, the Dwarf, the Pulse, the -Pye-man, the Sword, the Supper, the Starling, the -Ass, Dr. Slop and Obadiah, Dr. Slop and Susan, &c.</p> - -<p>Also several of his most celebrated Sermons and elegant -Sentiments.</p> - -<p class="center"> -Price Three Shillings and Sixpence sewed.<br /> -</p> -<hr /> - -<p class="center"> -Illustrated by a great Number of Plates, which include -above One Thousand Examples,<br /> - -The Sixth Edition, including a Variety of Additions and -Improvements, both in the Plates and Letter-press, -</p> - -<p>A Short and Easy INTRODUCTION to HERALDRY, -in Two Parts.</p> - -<p>Part I. The Use of Arms and Armory, Rules of -Blazon and Marshalling Coats of Armour, with engraved -Tables upon a new Plan, for the Instruction of -those who wish to learn the Science.</p> - -<p>Part II. A Dictionary of Heraldry, with an Alphabetical -List of the Terms in English, French, and Latin; -also the different Degrees of the Nobility and -Gentry of England, with Tables of Precedency.</p> - -<p>The whole compiled from the most approved Authorities.</p> - -<p class="center"> -By HUGH CLARK and THOMAS WORMULL.<br /> -Price Four Shillings in boards. -</p> - -<hr /> -<p class="center">The POEMS of Mr. GRAY.<br /> - -With Notes by Gilbert Wakefield, B. A. late Fellow -of Jesus College, Cambridge.</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"><div class="poetry"><div class="stanza"> -<div class="verse"><em>Ingenium cui fit, cui mens divinior, atque os</em></div> -<div class="verse"><em>Magna sonaturum, des nominis hujus honorem.</em></div> - -<div class="verse indent20"><span class="smcap">Horat.</span></div> - -<div class="verse">Creative Genius; and the glow divine,</div> -<div class="verse">That warms and melts the enthusiastic soul;</div> -<div class="verse">A pomp and prodigality of phrase:</div> -<div class="verse">These form the poet, and these shine in thee!</div> -</div></div></div> -<hr /> - -<p class="center">The POETICAL WORKS of DAVID GARRICK, -Esq.;</p> - -<p class="center">Now first collected with Explanatory Notes,</p> - -<p>With a complete List of his Works, and the different -Characters he performed, arranged in Chronological -Order; also a short Account of his Life, and the -Monody on his Death, written by Mr. Sheridan, and -spoken by Mrs. Yates, of Drury Lane Theatre.</p> - -<p class="center"> -In Two Volumes, price Seven Shillings.</p> - -<hr /> -<p class="center">The POETICAL WORKS of SAMUEL JOHNSON, -LL. D.</p> - -<p>Containing, London, a Satire, and the Vanity of -Human Wishes, both imitated from <span class="smcap">Juvenal</span>; Irene, -a Tragedy; the Winter’s Walk; Stella in Mourning; -the Midsummer’s Wish; an Evening Ode to Stella; -Vanity of Wealth; the Natural Beauty; Translation -of Pope’s Messiah, and sundry other Pieces.</p> - -<p class="center"> -Price Two Shillings and Sixpence. -</p> - -<hr /> -<p class="center">On a new Set of Plates, brought down to the present -Time, Price 1s. 6d.</p> - -<p>KEARSLEY’s Arms of the Peers and Peeresses of -England, Scotland, and Ireland, neatly Engraved, with -an English Translation of the Mottos.</p> - -<p>They may likewise be had bound with the annual -Court Calendar.</p> - -<hr /> -<p class="center">A new Edition, including the BENCH of BISHOPS, -(Which was originally intended for a separate Work)</p> - -<p class="center">The HERALDRY of NATURE; or TEMPORARY -ARMS.</p> - -<p>Adapted to the present House of Peers, and emblematical -of each of the Lord’s present <em>hobby horses</em>, either -in the fashionable and dissipated pursuits of pleasure, or -the more confined Walks of business; including their -domestic amusements and connections, with upwards of -Eighty Examples, neatly Etched, by an eminent Engraver.</p> - -<p>“This is a new and excellent method of delineating -Characters, and saying more in the compass of a Shilling, -than can generally be conveyed by <em>mere words</em> in -a whole Sheet! How the present House of Peers will -approve of these new Armorial Bearings, which are -drawn in the true <span class="smcap">Hogarthian</span> Stile, with great -Humour, and no small degree of Satire, is not for us -to determine; we must however acknowledge, in Justice -to the Author, the Examination of these whimsical -Arms has afforded us great Entertainment.”</p> - -<p class="right"> -Vide Review for November. -</p> -<hr /> - -<p class="center">A cheap and correct Edition of the Works of -GEORGE ALEXANDER STEVENS,</p> - -<p>Containing a complete Collection of his SONGS, -Printed verbatim from his last Corrections; also his -celebrated Lecture upon Heads, as delivered originally -by himself, with Additions, as spoken by Mr. Lee -Lewes, at the Theatre Royal, in Covent-Garden, and -the Royalty-Theatre. To which is added, an Essay on -Satire, by Mr. Pilon.</p> - -<p>There are spurious and incorrect Editions of Stevens’s -Works in Circulation, against which it is necessary to -Caution the Public. The Songs may be had separate, -Price One Shilling and Sixpence, and the Lecture on -Heads, price One Shilling, or bound together, Three -Shillings.</p> -<hr /> - -<p>ELEGANT ORATIONS, Ancient and Modern, -for the Use of Schools, originally compiled for his own -Pupils;</p> - -<p class="center"> -By the Rev. J. MOSSOP, A. M.<br /> -Master of the Boarding School at Brighthelmstone.<br /> - -“<em>Patriæ sit idoneus.</em>” <span class="smcap">Juv.</span><br /> - -Price Three Shillings and Sixpence bound. -</p> - - -<p class="center">The <span class="smcap">Fourth Edition</span>, much enlarged,</p> - - -<p class="hang">(Ornamented with a considerable Number of new Plates, -containing several Views in the newly discovered -Islands, sundry Animals, an exact Representation of -an Human Sacrifice, Captain Cook’s Head from -Pingo’s Medal, and a Chart of the new Discoveries -with the Tracks of the Ships)</p> - -<p class="center"> -In Two Volumes,</p> - -<p>An accurate ABRIDGEMENT of CAPTAIN -COOK’s VOYAGE round the WORLD; containing -a faithful Account of all the Discoveries, with the -Transactions at each Place, a Description of the Inhabitants -with their Manners and Customs, a full Detail -of the Circumstances relative to Capt. Cook’s Death, -and an Account of his Life by Capt. King.</p> - -<p>Those who superintend the Education of Youth of -either Sex cannot put into their Hands a more acceptable -Work, for the Amusement of leisure Hours, than these -late Voyages of Discovery, which abound with Matter -highly interesting and entertaining.</p> - -<p class="center"> -Price Eight Shillings in boards.<br /> - -⁂ Either Volume may be had separate, Price Four -Shillings.</p> - -<hr /> -<p class="hang">Ornamented with Plates, and improved by a considerable -Number of the most admired Scenes in Othello, -Romeo and Juliet, Lear, Julius Cæsar, Macbeth, -Timon of Athens, Henry the Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, -and Eighth, Richard the Third, Hamlet, &c. &c. -which was never attempted in any former Selection -of this great Bard.</p> - -<p class="center"> -With his LIFE, and a Medallion of his Profile and<br /> -<span class="smcap">Garrick’s</span>, in Shade,<br /> - -The BEAUTIES of SHAKESPEARE,<br /> -Alphabetically digested, with a copious Index.<br /> -Price Three Shillings sewed.</p> -<hr /> - -<p class="center">A new Edition, being the <span class="smcap">Seventh</span>, of -The BEAUTIES of Dr. SAMUEL JOHNSON,</p> - -<p>Consisting of Maxims and Observations, Moral, -Critical and Miscellaneous. To which are now added, -<span class="smcap">Biographical Anecdotes</span>, selected from the late -Productions of Mrs. Piozzi, Mr. Boswell, and other -authentic Testimonies.</p> - -<p>This Edition is embellished with an Etching of the -Head of Dr. Johnson, taken from the Life about two -Months before his last Illness.</p> - -<p class="center">Price only Three Shillings and Sixpence sewed.</p> - -<hr /> - - -<p class="hang">The following Collection has frequently enlivened the -brilliant Circles at St. James’s, Buckingham House, -and Windsor.</p> - -<p class="hang">The Birth of the Rose, the Geranium, the Pastime of -Venus, the Devil’s Tail, the Kiss of Lydia, Life’s a -Joke, and several other celebrated Poems are now -added, which were formerly handed about only in -Manuscript.</p> - -<p>The FESTIVAL of WIT; selected by G—— -K——, Summer Resident at Windsor; and carefully -copied from the Common-place Book, with the Names -of the Parties who introduced them to the R—— E——.</p> - -<p>“This is, beyond all Comparison, the best Collection -of good Things we ever read; it is not a delicate -<em>Morceau</em> for the polite Circles only, it must suit the -Taste of every Man, who loves cheerful Conversation -and Attic Wit. Were we to bestow on it as much -praise as it really merits, we should cover more paper -than we can spare.”</p> - -<p class="center"> -Review for September.<br /> -Price Three Shillings sewed.<br /> -</p> -<hr /> - -<p class="center"><span class="smcap">ADVICE to the OFFICERS of the BRITISH -ARMY.</span></p> - -<p class="center">With the Addition of some <span class="smcap">Hints</span> to the <span class="smcap">Drummer</span> -and <span class="smcap">Private Soldier</span>.</p> - -<p class="center"> -<span style="margin-left: 11em;"><em>Ridiculum acri</em></span><br /> -<em>Fortius et melius plerumque secat res.</em><br /> -<br /> -Safe from the Bar, the Pulpit, and the Throne,<br /> -Yet touch’d and mov’d by Ridicule alone.<br /> -</p> - -<p class="center"> -The EIGHTH EDITION.<br /> -<br /> -To which is now added, some Advice to the Officers<br /> -of the Ordnance, and the Secretary at War.<br /> - -Price Half-a-Crown.<br /> -</p> - -<hr /> -<p class="center">A new Passage discovered without the use of a Compass, -or Quadrant!</p> - -<p class="hang">With considerable additions, particularly an account of -two new Voyages, one of them through the Center -of Mount Etna and the Globe, to the South Sea. -The other to the Island of Ceylon. Also a new -Frontispiece, representing the Baron’s triumph over a -Lion and a Crocodile, who both attacked him at once.</p> - -<p class="center"> -The Fifth Edition.</p> - -<p>BARON MUNCHAUSON’s TRAVELS and ADVENTURES -in Russia, Iceland, Turkey, Egypt, Gibraltar, -the Mediterranean, Atlantic Ocean, and through -a subterraneous Passage into the Caspian Sea.</p> - -<p>Upon the Continent, these Travels are more read, -particularly in France, Germany, and Holland, where -the Author is well known, than any production that has -appeared for some years. This Fifth Edition, exclusive -of the above improvements, is embellished with nineteen -plates, whereas the French has but six; the Baron’s -Adventures at Gibraltar are prohibited in the French -and Dutch editions, but given in full length in this -English impression.</p> - -<p class="center"> -Price Half-a-Crown sewed. -</p> - -<hr /> - - -<p class="hang"><em>The Rapidity of the Sale of the</em> first <em>and</em> second <em>Editions -of the following Book, may be fairly considered as Proofs -of its merit. All the Prescriptions are the Result of -many years successful Practice.</em></p> - -<p class="center"> -THE GENTLEMAN’s STABLE DIRECTORY;<br /> -Or, <span class="smcap">Modern System of Farriery</span>. -</p> - -<p>Comprehending the present improved Mode of Practice, -containing all the most valuable Prescriptions and -approved Remedies, accurately proportioned and properly -adapted to every known disease to which the Horse -is incident.</p> - -<p>Interspersed with occasional Remarks upon the dangerous -and almost obsolete Practice of Gibson, Bracken, -Bartlet, and others.</p> - -<p>Including Directions for Feeding, Bleeding, Purging, -and getting into Condition for the Chase.</p> - -<p class="center"> -Inscribed to Sir <em class="gesperrt">JOHN LADE</em>, Bart.<br /> -By <span class="smcap">William Taplin</span>, Surgeon.<br /> -The <span class="smcap">Third</span> Edition, Price Five Shillings. -</p> -<hr /> - -<p class="center">In Four Volumes, Price Twelve Shillings,</p> - -<p class="hang">The BEAUTIES of the SPECTATOR, TATLER, -GUARDIAN, RAMBLER, ADVENTURER, -CONNOISSEUR, WORLD, and IDLER.</p> - -<p>☞ To accommodate the Purchasers of these entertaining -Volumes, they are sold together, or in the -following manner:</p> - -<p>The Selections from the <span class="smcap">Spectator</span>, <span class="smcap">Tatler</span>, -and <span class="smcap">Guardian</span> are comprised in the two first Volumes, -and sold separate for Six Shillings.</p> - -<p>The third and fourth Volumes contain those from the -<span class="smcap">Rambler</span>, <span class="smcap">Connoisseur</span>, <span class="smcap">Adventurer</span>, <span class="smcap">World</span> -and <span class="smcap">Idler</span>, and are sold separate for Six Shillings, also, -or the Four Volumes for Twelve Shillings, complete.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center">The BRITISH CHRONOLOGIST.</p> - -<p>Comprehending every material Occurrence relating -to <span class="smcap">Great Britain</span>, from the Invasion of the <span class="smcap">Romans</span> -to the present time; with the Prices of the various -Articles of Provision at different periods. Also, -a complete <span class="smcap">Index</span>.</p> - -<p class="center"> -In Three large Octavo Volumes.<br /> -Price One Guinea bound.</p> - -<hr /> - - -<p class="hang">Written from many Years Experience; not borrowed -from other Productions, as is generally the -case with Books upon this Subject,</p> - -<p class="center"> -Ornamented with a neat Frontispiece, from an original -Drawing,<br /> -The GENTLEMAN ANGLER. -</p> - -<p>Containing plain <span class="smcap">Instructions</span>, by which a Beginner -may in a short time become a perfect Artist in -Angling for all kinds of <span class="smcap">Fish</span>.</p> - -<p>With several Observations on <span class="smcap">Rods</span> and <span class="smcap">Artificial -Flies</span>. Also the Method of chusing the best -<span class="smcap">Hair</span> and <span class="smcap">Indian Grass</span>; of the proper Times and -Seasons for <span class="smcap">River</span> and <span class="smcap">Pond Fishing</span>; when <span class="smcap">Fish -Spawn</span>; and what <span class="smcap">Baits</span> are chiefly to be used.</p> - -<p class="center"> -With an APPENDIX, -</p> - -<p>Containing the Art of Rock and Sea Fishing; and -an Alphabetical Explanation of the Technical Words -used in the Art of Angling.</p> - -<p class="center"> -By a GENTLEMAN who has made it his Diversion -upwards of Fourteen Years.<br /> -Price One Shilling and Sixpence.</p> - -<hr /> - - -<p class="hang">An AUTHENTIC NARRATIVE of the Treatment -of the English, who were taken Prisoners on the -Reduction of Bednore, by <span class="smcap">Tippoo Saib</span>; from the -28th of April 1783, the Day of Capitulation, to -their Enlargement on the 25th of April 1784.</p> - -<p class="center"> -By Captain HENRY OAKES.<br /> -A New Edition.</p> - -<hr /> - - -<p class="hang"><span class="smcap">Seventeen Thousand</span> <em>per Annum, exclusive of</em> -<span class="smcap">Plate</span>, <span class="smcap">Jewels</span>, <em>and other Property, to a considerable -Amount, restored to the Plaintiff by the Verdict of -a Jury in the</em> <span class="smcap">Court of Common Pleas</span>, <em>and -since confirmed by the</em> <span class="smcap">Court of Chancery</span>.</p> - -<p class="center"> -<span class="smcap">COUNTESS of STRATHMORE and<br /> -ANDREW ROBINSON BOWES, Esq.</span></p> - -<p>An accurate Report of the TRIAL in the above -Cause, before the <span class="smcap">Right Honourable Lord -Loughborough</span>, in the <span class="smcap">Court</span> of <span class="smcap">Common -Pleas</span>, on Monday the 19th of May, on an Issue directed -out of the <span class="smcap">High Court</span> of <span class="smcap">Chancery</span>. -Taken in Short Hand.</p> - -<p>This Trial contains a full Account of the <span class="smcap">Duel</span> -fought in the Adelphi Tavern, in April, 1777, between -the Rev. <span class="smcap">Henry Bate</span> and Mr. <span class="smcap">Bowes</span>.</p> - -<p>The Courtship and Marriage of Mr. <span class="smcap">Bowes</span> and -Lady <span class="smcap">Strathmore</span>.</p> - -<p>Account of a Deed executed by Lady Strathmore -prior to her Marriage with Mr. Bowes, when she had -consented to marry Mr. <span class="smcap">Gray</span>.</p> - -<p>Also the Means used by Mr. Bowes to procure a Revocation -of that Deed, which is now by this Trial -restored to her Ladyship.</p> - -<p>To which is added a Sketch of her Ladyship’s Conduct -before and after her Marriage,—with many curious -Anecdotes respecting the principal Parties, the Witnesses, -&c.</p> - -<p class="center">The <span class="smcap">Third Edition</span>, Price Two Shillings.</p> - -<hr /> -<p class="center">The <span class="smcap">Works</span> of<br /> -<em class="gesperrt">ALEXANDER POPE</em>, <span class="smcap">Esq.</span><br /> -In Six Volumes. Price Eighteen Shillings.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center">JOHNSON’s DICTIONARY,<br /> -In Quarto. Price Two Guineas.<br /> -Ditto, in Octavo, Nine Shillings.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center">RAPIN’S HISTORY of ENGLAND,<br /> -With <span class="smcap">Tindal</span>’s Continuation. -In Twenty-one Volumes Octavo.<br /> -Price Six Guineas.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center">The BIOGRAPHICAL DICTIONARY.<br /> -Containing the Lives of Eminent Men in various Parts -of Europe.<br /> -In Twelve Volumes Octavo,<br /> -Price Four Pounds Four Shillings.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center">The VIRTUOSI’s MUSEUM.<br /> -A Collection of Elegant Views, Engraved from the -Drawings of<br /> -PAUL SANDBY, Esq.<br /> -Price Five Pounds Eight Shillings.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center">SUPPLEMENT to the TOUR through GREAT -BRITAIN,<br /> -By the late Mr. GRAY,<br /> -Author of the Elegy in a Country Church Yard, &c.<br /> -Price Two Shillings.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center">Addressed principally to Magistrates and Lawyers.<br /> -A new Edition, Corrected and Enlarged, of</p> - -<p class="hang">A COMPENDIOUS DIGEST of the STATUTE -LAW, comprising the Substance and Effect of all the -Public Acts of Parliament, in force from Magna -Charta to the twenty-seventh Year of his present Majesty, -inclusive.</p> - -<p class="center"> -By THOMAS WALTER WILLIAMS, of the -Inner Temple, Barrister at Law. -</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="center">To the Gentlemen of the Law.</p> - -<p class="hang">On Saturday the 8th Day of November, 1788, will be -published in Octavo, Price One Shilling, to be continued -Weekly until the whole Work is compleated, -in Four Volumes,</p> - -<p class="center"> -Number I. of ORIGINAL PRECEDENTS in -CONVEYANCING,</p> - -<p>Settled and approved by the <span class="smcap">Most Eminent Conveyancers</span>, -interspersed with the Observations and -Opinions of Counsel upon various intricate Cases.</p> - -<p>The whole selected from the Drafts of actual Practice, -and now first published under the Direction and -immediate Inspection of</p> - -<p class="center"> -THOMAS WALTER WILLIAMS, of the Inner -Temple, Barrister at Law.<br /> - -<em class="gesperrt">CONDITIONS.</em> -</p> - -<p>I. This Work will be comprized in Four Volumes -Octavo.</p> - -<p>II. It will be published in Weekly Numbers till compleated, -price One Shilling each.</p> - -<p>III. The whole will not exceed Twenty-four Numbers.</p> - -<p>IV. The first Number will be published on Saturday -November the 8th, being the first Week in Michaelmas -Term.</p> - -<p>V. The money will be received for each Number -when delivered.</p> -</div></div> - -<hr /> -<div class="transnote"> -<h3>Transcriber’s Notes</h3> - -<p>Obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected. All other spelling and -punctuation remains unchanged with the exception of the following substitutions: -lest for least on <a href="#Page_8">page 8</a> and <a href="#Page_14">14</a>.<br /> -emerged for immerged on <a href="#Page_1">page 1</a>.<br /> -Surrey for Surry on <a href="#Page_48"> page 48</a>.<br /> -duchess for dutchess on <a href="#Page_36">page 36</a>.</p> - -<p> The table of contents has been added by the transcriber.</p> - -</div> - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Æsculapian Labyrinth Explored, by -Gregory Glyster - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE ÆSCULAPIAN LABYRINTH EXPLORED *** - -***** This file should be named 54332-h.htm or 54332-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/4/3/3/54332/ - -Produced by deaurider, Les Galloway and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This -file was produced from images generously made available -by The Internet Archive) - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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