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-Project Gutenberg's The Downhill Side of Thirty, by Virgil F. Shockley
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org.  If you are not located in the United States, you'll
-have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using
-this ebook.
-
-
-
-Title: The Downhill Side of Thirty
-
-Author: Virgil F. Shockley
-
-Release Date: October 20, 2019 [EBook #60531]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DOWNHILL SIDE OF THIRTY ***
-
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-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
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-
-                      THE DOWNHILL SIDE OF THIRTY
-
-                         BY VIRGIL F. SHOCKLEY
-
-                _Health was no longer a problem for the
-               aged. All they had to do was ban sex and
-                tobacco to those over thirty-five...._
-
-           [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
-              Worlds of If Science Fiction, August 1958.
-         Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
-         the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
-Chuck Dane patted shaving lotion on his face, enjoying the second of
-vicious sting. He closed the medicine cabinet and stood for a minute
-examining himself in the fluorescent lighted mirror. He was lean and
-hard and, of course, tanned. A few grey hairs flecked the sideburns,
-but he didn't think that he looked thirty-five. And, damn it all to
-hell! he didn't feel thirty-five!
-
-He opened the bathroom door, and hesitated. He dreaded to walk through
-the photoelectric beam and set off that odious disc! Sometimes he got
-down on hands and knees and crawled under. But he felt so damn silly!
-
-Well, he couldn't stand there all day. It was Monday and they would
-expect him at the office.
-
-He squared his shoulders and walked into the hall.
-
-    "Lung Cancer, Heart Attacks!
-    Heart Attacks, Lung Cancer!
-    Beware, old man, Be ... ware!"
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-The tinkly message followed him up the hall. "I could jam the damn
-thing!" he thought, "but they'd only repair it at daily Gov-Apts
-Inspection and report me again!"
-
-He pushed his hands into his pants pockets and walked into the dining
-ell. He slouched in his chair, and watched Sally swish back and forth
-from the kitchen as she set the table. She was in blue nylon pajamas
-and fuzzy blue mules. Her red hair was tied up in a provocative pony
-tail.
-
-She felt him watching her, gave him a devilish grin. "Sleep well last
-night, dear? In your own little bed?"
-
-"You know damn well I didn't!" God, he wanted a cigarette. After two
-years he still wanted one! When would the hunger for them ever stop?
-
-"You knew where I was sleeping. The door was unlocked!"
-
-She came to him, suddenly compassionate, and sat on his lap. She pulled
-his head against her. He felt, on his face, the slickness of the nylon,
-and underneath her firm body. She whispered, "You know honey, no matter
-what the government says, I'm not made for sleeping alone!"
-
-"And I'm thirty-five and not 'spose to!"
-
-"Thirty-five and eighty-nine days! How well I know! The toast!"
-
-She scooted off his lap and ran into the kitchen. How she managed to
-burn toast in an electronic toaster beat him. By sending it down twice,
-he suspected.
-
-He picked up the paper by his plate and unfolded it. The first page, as
-usual, was devoted to the Propagandists. Headlines proclaimed: "375
-died this weekend doing _you know what_." The second line asked: "Will
-you be next?"
-
-It made a good story because only three hundred deaths had been
-predicted. The bottom half of the page was filled with pictures of
-the victims and the spouses who "lead them on, knowing at the time
-that over forty percent of the heart attacks in men and women over
-thirty-five are brought on by sexual relations."
-
-Sally was leaning over him, serving his plate with scrambled eggs and
-ham, but he tried to ignore her and turned to the next page. Here was
-an editorial by the Department of Health. He scanned it. Same old
-thing. Sex to be avoided like poison by all persons, male and female,
-over thirty-five years.
-
-Chuck forked a piece of soya bread, and swabbed the last of ham grease
-and egg from his plate. He sat drinking his soya hot chocolate, and
-wanting a cigarette.
-
-Sally finished eating, stretched, and the nylon threatened to rip. She
-went and got his suit coat and hat. At the door he tried to kiss her
-goodbye in his best "big brother" manner. But she clinched in close,
-and suddenly he didn't feel like a brother.
-
-She whispered in his ear, "Come on back. I'll call and tell them you
-caught a virus!"
-
-He almost took off his hat. Then he said, "You know it would show up
-in my weekly S-Count!" He shuddered just saying the words. God! how he
-hated that! He continued, "And if I slip once or twice on that, you
-know what they do."
-
-Feeling sorry for her, he added half-heartedly, "But you're only
-thirty. And I wouldn't blame you.... Lot of people do, you know."
-
-She leaned back, still in his arms, and laughed up at him. "No, I'll
-wait and break you down!"
-
-"Even knowing what they're likely to do?"
-
-"But surely! Then at least the temptation wouldn't be so handy!"
-
-He walked rapidly toward the office. Other groups walked along talking
-and laughing. Here and there someone called to him.
-
-He came to U.S. 75, a deserted graying eight lane strip. As he started
-across, a bike came over the rise and he dived into the ditch. But
-it was only a Catholic priest pedalling furiously along on a girl's
-bicycle. Then there had been another clash! He climbed out of the
-ditch, and walked a ways down the highway. There it was. The priest was
-just climbing off the bike, and there was a motorcycle cop.
-
-Chuck Dane walked up the highway to the scene and stood watching. The
-priest was kneeling, his black bag open, administering last rites to
-the two youths.
-
-The cop, fat and redfaced, came over and stood beside Chuck. "Two less
-Teenagers!" he grinned.
-
-"Dying, eh?" Chuck asked.
-
-"Dying or dead! These damn kids!" He said it with just a tinge of envy.
-
-The Father snapped his bag shut, and pedalled away. Chuck went over
-for a closer look. Both of the kids were on roller skates, the powered
-kind. Chuck Dane noted with satisfaction that they were Airex skates.
-
-Both of the kids had on the regular uniform, black leather jackets,
-and leather belts eight inches wide. Mounted on the center front of
-the belts were the regulation three foot razor sharp spears. Only now
-there was not much of the spears to be seen. Because neither kid had
-chickened. The shorter boy had caught a spear in the lower chest, and
-the taller one caught it in the guts.
-
-Funny, Chuck Dane thought, staring down at them. Even in this cotton
-batting, vacuum world of 1990 the Teenagers could find ways to kill
-each other off! He envied them their spirit!
-
-He waved at the cop, who was calling in a report, and walked back up
-the highway. When he got to his usual place, he started to cross.
-
-"Olá!"
-
-In that frantic second, he saw only the black leather jacket bearing
-down upon him. And the bike with the spear mounted on the handlebars,
-the tip sparkling like a diamond in the sun. It swerved, and came
-straight for him. Chuck dived into the ditch, even as he felt it prick
-his coat.
-
-The kid yelled, "Cock-a-doodle-do!" and pedalled on.
-
-Chuck climbed up out of the ditch and ran across the highway. Then
-he straightened his clothing, dusted himself off. This was damn
-undignified! He hated the kid, wanted to kill him with his bare hands.
-
-He walked along, thinking how it had all come about. First it had been
-the highway death toll. When it had reached over two thousand on week
-days, and ten thousand on weekends, the government had stepped in.
-Their solution had been simple and foolproof. They simply taxed gas out
-of sight. Now the oil companies exported their total output, and were
-making more money than ever.
-
-Then some fool in the A.M.A. had pointed out that almost as many people
-were dying of lung cancer as had previously fallen on the ribbons of
-death.
-
-At first Congress had passed a bill to ban the manufacture of all
-cigarettes. But the black market flourished and the psychiatrists
-yelped. They yelped that the approach to the problem was all wrong,
-due to the fact that they hadn't been consulted. This was warping
-personalities and making martyrs out of cigarette users. The way to do
-it, they said, was to have tobacco products available, but to shame
-people into giving them up of their own free wills.
-
-They theorized that a cigarette smoker is really a frustrated person
-unable to cope with the adult world. When he puts a cig between his
-lips he is really searching for his mother's nipple. Therefore, the
-thing to do is to force him to out-grow this, rather than take it
-forcibly away from him. Same way with a cigar smoker or pipe smoker.
-
-The psychiatric lobby prevailed and the government repealed the
-tobacco bill. And replaced it with another. Now it was the law for all
-cigarettes, cigars and pipe tobacco to have an hallucination inducing
-drug, Xlene 91, in them. Also, as was compulsory, all cigars, pipes and
-cigarettes sported rubber filters shaped like nipples.
-
-Then, Chuck Dane reminisced, with lung cancer dropping off steadily,
-they had started in to curb heart attacks. And taken away the only
-pleasure a guy had left!
-
-He was in sight of his place of work now. A huge half-circle of
-plexiglass that was Airex Roller Skating Factory. Chuck thought as he
-entered the building, that four hours was a hell of a long working day,
-especially doing material control posting all that time. He hoped the
-bill to change working hours to three hours would pass soon....
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-At two o'clock in the afternoon, Chuck lined up with the rest of the
-office force to walk single file past the hidden electronic camera. Out
-of habit, he held his right hand in salute position, palm toward the
-camera. These deals had been interesting when they first replaced the
-old style time clocks, now they were routine.
-
-As the queue neared the door where the company's three psychiatrists
-stood, Chuck got more and more nervous. Suppose they could read his
-mind, or something!
-
-Sure enough, Doctor Benton wiggled a finger for him to step out of
-line. He took him to one side, and peered into his face. Chuck tried to
-look into the green eyes, so calm and assured, but he had to look away.
-
-"You okay, Dane?"
-
-"Sure! Tired, that's all. Helluva long day!"
-
-"Yes. Well, you come in and see me tomorrow. We'll have us a little
-talk."
-
-Rapidly, Chuck left the building. He muttered, "Like hell we will,
-Headshrinker!"
-
-Furtively, he left the usual road home, and walked into a corner
-drugstore. He stood around with his hands in his pockets, until all the
-other customers cleared out.
-
-"Puffies," he said.
-
-The big man behind the counter tried to hitch his belt over his paunch.
-"Sure you know what you're doin', Bud? Have to take your number you
-know."
-
-Chuck didn't answer. He pulled his right hand out of his pocket and
-laid it palm up on the glass counter top. The man wrote down the id
-number and handed over the cigarettes.
-
-Chuck walked on home, with the Puffies a guilty lump in his jacket
-pocket. He felt sure everybody he met knew what he was up to.
-
-At home, Chuck stuck his head in the kitchen and said "Hi" to Sally.
-He resisted patting her. He went to the den and locked the door with
-trembling fingers, then sat at the desk and took out his knife. He cut
-off the realistic red nipples from all twenty cigarettes, and made a
-pyre of them in the middle of the glass top. Then he set fire to them,
-not minding the acrid smoke.
-
-He put a cigarette to his lips. Still he hesitated, fearing the
-hallucinations, about which he had heard but never experienced.
-
-Suddenly he grinned and leaned back, lit up and closed his eyes. The
-parade of pictures began in front of his eyeballs. First a picture of
-human lungs, and slowly the cancer virus invades them and eats them
-away. Then the parade of men and women clutching their chests, writhing
-in death throes. Chuck Dane smiled, enjoying each hallucination.
-Pretending that the unlucky victims were the Propagandists.
-
-He lit another cigarette from the butt of the first one, and leaned
-back, feeling his lungs pleasantly saturated with smoke.
-
-When ten cigarettes were snubbed in a row on the glass top of the desk,
-he stopped and mused. Now, he guessed he would die of cancer for sure.
-He wondered how long....
-
-Then another thought hit him. With two temptations, he wondered why he
-had given in to the cigarette first.
-
-He lit another Puffie and leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes.
-A perfect technicolor picture of Sally crossed his mind, swishing the
-pony tail provocatively. He got up. Left the den. Went to the kitchen
-and leaned in the door watching her.
-
-Tomorrow was Tuesday. His day for S-Count. But he wouldn't submit to
-that again. Or have that little talk with Doctor Benton. Tomorrow,
-going to work, when he crossed U.S. 75 he would give some Teenager a
-hell of a thrill! But tonight ... tonight....
-
-"Come here, baby!" he whispered harshly.
-
-
-
-
-
-End of Project Gutenberg's The Downhill Side of Thirty, by Virgil F. Shockley
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-Project Gutenberg's The Downhill Side of Thirty, by Virgil F. Shockley
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-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
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-have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using
-this ebook.
-
-
-
-Title: The Downhill Side of Thirty
-
-Author: Virgil F. Shockley
-
-Release Date: October 20, 2019 [EBook #60531]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DOWNHILL SIDE OF THIRTY ***
-
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-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
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-
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-  <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="350" height="500" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-<h1>THE DOWNHILL SIDE OF THIRTY</h1>
-
-<h2>BY VIRGIL F. SHOCKLEY</h2>
-
-<p class="ph1"><i>Health was no longer a problem for the<br />
-aged. All they had to do was ban sex and<br />
-tobacco to those over thirty-five....</i></p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Worlds of If Science Fiction, August 1958.<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>Chuck Dane patted shaving lotion on his face, enjoying the second of
-vicious sting. He closed the medicine cabinet and stood for a minute
-examining himself in the fluorescent lighted mirror. He was lean and
-hard and, of course, tanned. A few grey hairs flecked the sideburns,
-but he didn't think that he looked thirty-five. And, damn it all to
-hell! he didn't feel thirty-five!</p>
-
-<p>He opened the bathroom door, and hesitated. He dreaded to walk through
-the photoelectric beam and set off that odious disc! Sometimes he got
-down on hands and knees and crawled under. But he felt so damn silly!</p>
-
-<p>Well, he couldn't stand there all day. It was Monday and they would
-expect him at the office.</p>
-
-<p>He squared his shoulders and walked into the hall.</p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-  <div class="stanza">
-    <div class="verse">"Lung Cancer, Heart Attacks!</div>
-    <div class="verse">Heart Attacks, Lung Cancer!</div>
-    <div class="verse">Beware, old man, Be ... ware!"</div>
-  </div>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The tinkly message followed him up the hall. "I could jam the damn
-thing!" he thought, "but they'd only repair it at daily Gov-Apts
-Inspection and report me again!"</p>
-
-<p>He pushed his hands into his pants pockets and walked into the dining
-ell. He slouched in his chair, and watched Sally swish back and forth
-from the kitchen as she set the table. She was in blue nylon pajamas
-and fuzzy blue mules. Her red hair was tied up in a provocative pony
-tail.</p>
-
-<p>She felt him watching her, gave him a devilish grin. "Sleep well last
-night, dear? In your own little bed?"</p>
-
-<p>"You know damn well I didn't!" God, he wanted a cigarette. After two
-years he still wanted one! When would the hunger for them ever stop?</p>
-
-<p>"You knew where I was sleeping. The door was unlocked!"</p>
-
-<p>She came to him, suddenly compassionate, and sat on his lap. She pulled
-his head against her. He felt, on his face, the slickness of the nylon,
-and underneath her firm body. She whispered, "You know honey, no matter
-what the government says, I'm not made for sleeping alone!"</p>
-
-<p>"And I'm thirty-five and not 'spose to!"</p>
-
-<p>"Thirty-five and eighty-nine days! How well I know! The toast!"</p>
-
-<p>She scooted off his lap and ran into the kitchen. How she managed to
-burn toast in an electronic toaster beat him. By sending it down twice,
-he suspected.</p>
-
-<p>He picked up the paper by his plate and unfolded it. The first page, as
-usual, was devoted to the Propagandists. Headlines proclaimed: "375
-died this weekend doing <i>you know what</i>." The second line asked: "Will
-you be next?"</p>
-
-<p>It made a good story because only three hundred deaths had been
-predicted. The bottom half of the page was filled with pictures of
-the victims and the spouses who "lead them on, knowing at the time
-that over forty percent of the heart attacks in men and women over
-thirty-five are brought on by sexual relations."</p>
-
-<p>Sally was leaning over him, serving his plate with scrambled eggs and
-ham, but he tried to ignore her and turned to the next page. Here was
-an editorial by the Department of Health. He scanned it. Same old
-thing. Sex to be avoided like poison by all persons, male and female,
-over thirty-five years.</p>
-
-<p>Chuck forked a piece of soya bread, and swabbed the last of ham grease
-and egg from his plate. He sat drinking his soya hot chocolate, and
-wanting a cigarette.</p>
-
-<p>Sally finished eating, stretched, and the nylon threatened to rip. She
-went and got his suit coat and hat. At the door he tried to kiss her
-goodbye in his best "big brother" manner. But she clinched in close,
-and suddenly he didn't feel like a brother.</p>
-
-<p>She whispered in his ear, "Come on back. I'll call and tell them you
-caught a virus!"</p>
-
-<p>He almost took off his hat. Then he said, "You know it would show up
-in my weekly S-Count!" He shuddered just saying the words. God! how he
-hated that! He continued, "And if I slip once or twice on that, you
-know what they do."</p>
-
-<p>Feeling sorry for her, he added half-heartedly, "But you're only
-thirty. And I wouldn't blame you.... Lot of people do, you know."</p>
-
-<p>She leaned back, still in his arms, and laughed up at him. "No, I'll
-wait and break you down!"</p>
-
-<p>"Even knowing what they're likely to do?"</p>
-
-<p>"But surely! Then at least the temptation wouldn't be so handy!"</p>
-
-<p>He walked rapidly toward the office. Other groups walked along talking
-and laughing. Here and there someone called to him.</p>
-
-<p>He came to U.S. 75, a deserted graying eight lane strip. As he started
-across, a bike came over the rise and he dived into the ditch. But
-it was only a Catholic priest pedalling furiously along on a girl's
-bicycle. Then there had been another clash! He climbed out of the
-ditch, and walked a ways down the highway. There it was. The priest was
-just climbing off the bike, and there was a motorcycle cop.</p>
-
-<p>Chuck Dane walked up the highway to the scene and stood watching. The
-priest was kneeling, his black bag open, administering last rites to
-the two youths.</p>
-
-<p>The cop, fat and redfaced, came over and stood beside Chuck. "Two less
-Teenagers!" he grinned.</p>
-
-<p>"Dying, eh?" Chuck asked.</p>
-
-<p>"Dying or dead! These damn kids!" He said it with just a tinge of envy.</p>
-
-<p>The Father snapped his bag shut, and pedalled away. Chuck went over
-for a closer look. Both of the kids were on roller skates, the powered
-kind. Chuck Dane noted with satisfaction that they were Airex skates.</p>
-
-<p>Both of the kids had on the regular uniform, black leather jackets,
-and leather belts eight inches wide. Mounted on the center front of
-the belts were the regulation three foot razor sharp spears. Only now
-there was not much of the spears to be seen. Because neither kid had
-chickened. The shorter boy had caught a spear in the lower chest, and
-the taller one caught it in the guts.</p>
-
-<p>Funny, Chuck Dane thought, staring down at them. Even in this cotton
-batting, vacuum world of 1990 the Teenagers could find ways to kill
-each other off! He envied them their spirit!</p>
-
-<p>He waved at the cop, who was calling in a report, and walked back up
-the highway. When he got to his usual place, he started to cross.</p>
-
-<p>"Olá!"</p>
-
-<p>In that frantic second, he saw only the black leather jacket bearing
-down upon him. And the bike with the spear mounted on the handlebars,
-the tip sparkling like a diamond in the sun. It swerved, and came
-straight for him. Chuck dived into the ditch, even as he felt it prick
-his coat.</p>
-
-<p>The kid yelled, "Cock-a-doodle-do!" and pedalled on.</p>
-
-<p>Chuck climbed up out of the ditch and ran across the highway. Then
-he straightened his clothing, dusted himself off. This was damn
-undignified! He hated the kid, wanted to kill him with his bare hands.</p>
-
-<p>He walked along, thinking how it had all come about. First it had been
-the highway death toll. When it had reached over two thousand on week
-days, and ten thousand on weekends, the government had stepped in.
-Their solution had been simple and foolproof. They simply taxed gas out
-of sight. Now the oil companies exported their total output, and were
-making more money than ever.</p>
-
-<p>Then some fool in the A.M.A. had pointed out that almost as many people
-were dying of lung cancer as had previously fallen on the ribbons of
-death.</p>
-
-<p>At first Congress had passed a bill to ban the manufacture of all
-cigarettes. But the black market flourished and the psychiatrists
-yelped. They yelped that the approach to the problem was all wrong,
-due to the fact that they hadn't been consulted. This was warping
-personalities and making martyrs out of cigarette users. The way to do
-it, they said, was to have tobacco products available, but to shame
-people into giving them up of their own free wills.</p>
-
-<p>They theorized that a cigarette smoker is really a frustrated person
-unable to cope with the adult world. When he puts a cig between his
-lips he is really searching for his mother's nipple. Therefore, the
-thing to do is to force him to out-grow this, rather than take it
-forcibly away from him. Same way with a cigar smoker or pipe smoker.</p>
-
-<p>The psychiatric lobby prevailed and the government repealed the
-tobacco bill. And replaced it with another. Now it was the law for all
-cigarettes, cigars and pipe tobacco to have an hallucination inducing
-drug, Xlene 91, in them. Also, as was compulsory, all cigars, pipes and
-cigarettes sported rubber filters shaped like nipples.</p>
-
-<p>Then, Chuck Dane reminisced, with lung cancer dropping off steadily,
-they had started in to curb heart attacks. And taken away the only
-pleasure a guy had left!</p>
-
-<p>He was in sight of his place of work now. A huge half-circle of
-plexiglass that was Airex Roller Skating Factory. Chuck thought as he
-entered the building, that four hours was a hell of a long working day,
-especially doing material control posting all that time. He hoped the
-bill to change working hours to three hours would pass soon....</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>At two o'clock in the afternoon, Chuck lined up with the rest of the
-office force to walk single file past the hidden electronic camera. Out
-of habit, he held his right hand in salute position, palm toward the
-camera. These deals had been interesting when they first replaced the
-old style time clocks, now they were routine.</p>
-
-<p>As the queue neared the door where the company's three psychiatrists
-stood, Chuck got more and more nervous. Suppose they could read his
-mind, or something!</p>
-
-<p>Sure enough, Doctor Benton wiggled a finger for him to step out of
-line. He took him to one side, and peered into his face. Chuck tried to
-look into the green eyes, so calm and assured, but he had to look away.</p>
-
-<p>"You okay, Dane?"</p>
-
-<p>"Sure! Tired, that's all. Helluva long day!"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes. Well, you come in and see me tomorrow. We'll have us a little
-talk."</p>
-
-<p>Rapidly, Chuck left the building. He muttered, "Like hell we will,
-Headshrinker!"</p>
-
-<p>Furtively, he left the usual road home, and walked into a corner
-drugstore. He stood around with his hands in his pockets, until all the
-other customers cleared out.</p>
-
-<p>"Puffies," he said.</p>
-
-<p>The big man behind the counter tried to hitch his belt over his paunch.
-"Sure you know what you're doin', Bud? Have to take your number you
-know."</p>
-
-<p>Chuck didn't answer. He pulled his right hand out of his pocket and
-laid it palm up on the glass counter top. The man wrote down the id
-number and handed over the cigarettes.</p>
-
-<p>Chuck walked on home, with the Puffies a guilty lump in his jacket
-pocket. He felt sure everybody he met knew what he was up to.</p>
-
-<p>At home, Chuck stuck his head in the kitchen and said "Hi" to Sally.
-He resisted patting her. He went to the den and locked the door with
-trembling fingers, then sat at the desk and took out his knife. He cut
-off the realistic red nipples from all twenty cigarettes, and made a
-pyre of them in the middle of the glass top. Then he set fire to them,
-not minding the acrid smoke.</p>
-
-<p>He put a cigarette to his lips. Still he hesitated, fearing the
-hallucinations, about which he had heard but never experienced.</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly he grinned and leaned back, lit up and closed his eyes. The
-parade of pictures began in front of his eyeballs. First a picture of
-human lungs, and slowly the cancer virus invades them and eats them
-away. Then the parade of men and women clutching their chests, writhing
-in death throes. Chuck Dane smiled, enjoying each hallucination.
-Pretending that the unlucky victims were the Propagandists.</p>
-
-<p>He lit another cigarette from the butt of the first one, and leaned
-back, feeling his lungs pleasantly saturated with smoke.</p>
-
-<p>When ten cigarettes were snubbed in a row on the glass top of the desk,
-he stopped and mused. Now, he guessed he would die of cancer for sure.
-He wondered how long....</p>
-
-<p>Then another thought hit him. With two temptations, he wondered why he
-had given in to the cigarette first.</p>
-
-<p>He lit another Puffie and leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes.
-A perfect technicolor picture of Sally crossed his mind, swishing the
-pony tail provocatively. He got up. Left the den. Went to the kitchen
-and leaned in the door watching her.</p>
-
-<p>Tomorrow was Tuesday. His day for S-Count. But he wouldn't submit to
-that again. Or have that little talk with Doctor Benton. Tomorrow,
-going to work, when he crossed U.S. 75 he would give some Teenager a
-hell of a thrill! But tonight ... tonight....</p>
-
-<p>"Come here, baby!" he whispered harshly.</p>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
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-Project Gutenberg's The Downhill Side of Thirty, by Virgil F. Shockley
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org.  If you are not located in the United States, you'll
-have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using
-this ebook.
-
-
-
-Title: The Downhill Side of Thirty
-
-Author: Virgil F. Shockley
-
-Release Date: October 20, 2019 [EBook #60531]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ASCII
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DOWNHILL SIDE OF THIRTY ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-                      THE DOWNHILL SIDE OF THIRTY
-
-                         BY VIRGIL F. SHOCKLEY
-
-                _Health was no longer a problem for the
-               aged. All they had to do was ban sex and
-                tobacco to those over thirty-five...._
-
-           [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
-              Worlds of If Science Fiction, August 1958.
-         Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
-         the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
-Chuck Dane patted shaving lotion on his face, enjoying the second of
-vicious sting. He closed the medicine cabinet and stood for a minute
-examining himself in the fluorescent lighted mirror. He was lean and
-hard and, of course, tanned. A few grey hairs flecked the sideburns,
-but he didn't think that he looked thirty-five. And, damn it all to
-hell! he didn't feel thirty-five!
-
-He opened the bathroom door, and hesitated. He dreaded to walk through
-the photoelectric beam and set off that odious disc! Sometimes he got
-down on hands and knees and crawled under. But he felt so damn silly!
-
-Well, he couldn't stand there all day. It was Monday and they would
-expect him at the office.
-
-He squared his shoulders and walked into the hall.
-
-    "Lung Cancer, Heart Attacks!
-    Heart Attacks, Lung Cancer!
-    Beware, old man, Be ... ware!"
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-The tinkly message followed him up the hall. "I could jam the damn
-thing!" he thought, "but they'd only repair it at daily Gov-Apts
-Inspection and report me again!"
-
-He pushed his hands into his pants pockets and walked into the dining
-ell. He slouched in his chair, and watched Sally swish back and forth
-from the kitchen as she set the table. She was in blue nylon pajamas
-and fuzzy blue mules. Her red hair was tied up in a provocative pony
-tail.
-
-She felt him watching her, gave him a devilish grin. "Sleep well last
-night, dear? In your own little bed?"
-
-"You know damn well I didn't!" God, he wanted a cigarette. After two
-years he still wanted one! When would the hunger for them ever stop?
-
-"You knew where I was sleeping. The door was unlocked!"
-
-She came to him, suddenly compassionate, and sat on his lap. She pulled
-his head against her. He felt, on his face, the slickness of the nylon,
-and underneath her firm body. She whispered, "You know honey, no matter
-what the government says, I'm not made for sleeping alone!"
-
-"And I'm thirty-five and not 'spose to!"
-
-"Thirty-five and eighty-nine days! How well I know! The toast!"
-
-She scooted off his lap and ran into the kitchen. How she managed to
-burn toast in an electronic toaster beat him. By sending it down twice,
-he suspected.
-
-He picked up the paper by his plate and unfolded it. The first page, as
-usual, was devoted to the Propagandists. Headlines proclaimed: "375
-died this weekend doing _you know what_." The second line asked: "Will
-you be next?"
-
-It made a good story because only three hundred deaths had been
-predicted. The bottom half of the page was filled with pictures of
-the victims and the spouses who "lead them on, knowing at the time
-that over forty percent of the heart attacks in men and women over
-thirty-five are brought on by sexual relations."
-
-Sally was leaning over him, serving his plate with scrambled eggs and
-ham, but he tried to ignore her and turned to the next page. Here was
-an editorial by the Department of Health. He scanned it. Same old
-thing. Sex to be avoided like poison by all persons, male and female,
-over thirty-five years.
-
-Chuck forked a piece of soya bread, and swabbed the last of ham grease
-and egg from his plate. He sat drinking his soya hot chocolate, and
-wanting a cigarette.
-
-Sally finished eating, stretched, and the nylon threatened to rip. She
-went and got his suit coat and hat. At the door he tried to kiss her
-goodbye in his best "big brother" manner. But she clinched in close,
-and suddenly he didn't feel like a brother.
-
-She whispered in his ear, "Come on back. I'll call and tell them you
-caught a virus!"
-
-He almost took off his hat. Then he said, "You know it would show up
-in my weekly S-Count!" He shuddered just saying the words. God! how he
-hated that! He continued, "And if I slip once or twice on that, you
-know what they do."
-
-Feeling sorry for her, he added half-heartedly, "But you're only
-thirty. And I wouldn't blame you.... Lot of people do, you know."
-
-She leaned back, still in his arms, and laughed up at him. "No, I'll
-wait and break you down!"
-
-"Even knowing what they're likely to do?"
-
-"But surely! Then at least the temptation wouldn't be so handy!"
-
-He walked rapidly toward the office. Other groups walked along talking
-and laughing. Here and there someone called to him.
-
-He came to U.S. 75, a deserted graying eight lane strip. As he started
-across, a bike came over the rise and he dived into the ditch. But
-it was only a Catholic priest pedalling furiously along on a girl's
-bicycle. Then there had been another clash! He climbed out of the
-ditch, and walked a ways down the highway. There it was. The priest was
-just climbing off the bike, and there was a motorcycle cop.
-
-Chuck Dane walked up the highway to the scene and stood watching. The
-priest was kneeling, his black bag open, administering last rites to
-the two youths.
-
-The cop, fat and redfaced, came over and stood beside Chuck. "Two less
-Teenagers!" he grinned.
-
-"Dying, eh?" Chuck asked.
-
-"Dying or dead! These damn kids!" He said it with just a tinge of envy.
-
-The Father snapped his bag shut, and pedalled away. Chuck went over
-for a closer look. Both of the kids were on roller skates, the powered
-kind. Chuck Dane noted with satisfaction that they were Airex skates.
-
-Both of the kids had on the regular uniform, black leather jackets,
-and leather belts eight inches wide. Mounted on the center front of
-the belts were the regulation three foot razor sharp spears. Only now
-there was not much of the spears to be seen. Because neither kid had
-chickened. The shorter boy had caught a spear in the lower chest, and
-the taller one caught it in the guts.
-
-Funny, Chuck Dane thought, staring down at them. Even in this cotton
-batting, vacuum world of 1990 the Teenagers could find ways to kill
-each other off! He envied them their spirit!
-
-He waved at the cop, who was calling in a report, and walked back up
-the highway. When he got to his usual place, he started to cross.
-
-"Ola!"
-
-In that frantic second, he saw only the black leather jacket bearing
-down upon him. And the bike with the spear mounted on the handlebars,
-the tip sparkling like a diamond in the sun. It swerved, and came
-straight for him. Chuck dived into the ditch, even as he felt it prick
-his coat.
-
-The kid yelled, "Cock-a-doodle-do!" and pedalled on.
-
-Chuck climbed up out of the ditch and ran across the highway. Then
-he straightened his clothing, dusted himself off. This was damn
-undignified! He hated the kid, wanted to kill him with his bare hands.
-
-He walked along, thinking how it had all come about. First it had been
-the highway death toll. When it had reached over two thousand on week
-days, and ten thousand on weekends, the government had stepped in.
-Their solution had been simple and foolproof. They simply taxed gas out
-of sight. Now the oil companies exported their total output, and were
-making more money than ever.
-
-Then some fool in the A.M.A. had pointed out that almost as many people
-were dying of lung cancer as had previously fallen on the ribbons of
-death.
-
-At first Congress had passed a bill to ban the manufacture of all
-cigarettes. But the black market flourished and the psychiatrists
-yelped. They yelped that the approach to the problem was all wrong,
-due to the fact that they hadn't been consulted. This was warping
-personalities and making martyrs out of cigarette users. The way to do
-it, they said, was to have tobacco products available, but to shame
-people into giving them up of their own free wills.
-
-They theorized that a cigarette smoker is really a frustrated person
-unable to cope with the adult world. When he puts a cig between his
-lips he is really searching for his mother's nipple. Therefore, the
-thing to do is to force him to out-grow this, rather than take it
-forcibly away from him. Same way with a cigar smoker or pipe smoker.
-
-The psychiatric lobby prevailed and the government repealed the
-tobacco bill. And replaced it with another. Now it was the law for all
-cigarettes, cigars and pipe tobacco to have an hallucination inducing
-drug, Xlene 91, in them. Also, as was compulsory, all cigars, pipes and
-cigarettes sported rubber filters shaped like nipples.
-
-Then, Chuck Dane reminisced, with lung cancer dropping off steadily,
-they had started in to curb heart attacks. And taken away the only
-pleasure a guy had left!
-
-He was in sight of his place of work now. A huge half-circle of
-plexiglass that was Airex Roller Skating Factory. Chuck thought as he
-entered the building, that four hours was a hell of a long working day,
-especially doing material control posting all that time. He hoped the
-bill to change working hours to three hours would pass soon....
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-At two o'clock in the afternoon, Chuck lined up with the rest of the
-office force to walk single file past the hidden electronic camera. Out
-of habit, he held his right hand in salute position, palm toward the
-camera. These deals had been interesting when they first replaced the
-old style time clocks, now they were routine.
-
-As the queue neared the door where the company's three psychiatrists
-stood, Chuck got more and more nervous. Suppose they could read his
-mind, or something!
-
-Sure enough, Doctor Benton wiggled a finger for him to step out of
-line. He took him to one side, and peered into his face. Chuck tried to
-look into the green eyes, so calm and assured, but he had to look away.
-
-"You okay, Dane?"
-
-"Sure! Tired, that's all. Helluva long day!"
-
-"Yes. Well, you come in and see me tomorrow. We'll have us a little
-talk."
-
-Rapidly, Chuck left the building. He muttered, "Like hell we will,
-Headshrinker!"
-
-Furtively, he left the usual road home, and walked into a corner
-drugstore. He stood around with his hands in his pockets, until all the
-other customers cleared out.
-
-"Puffies," he said.
-
-The big man behind the counter tried to hitch his belt over his paunch.
-"Sure you know what you're doin', Bud? Have to take your number you
-know."
-
-Chuck didn't answer. He pulled his right hand out of his pocket and
-laid it palm up on the glass counter top. The man wrote down the id
-number and handed over the cigarettes.
-
-Chuck walked on home, with the Puffies a guilty lump in his jacket
-pocket. He felt sure everybody he met knew what he was up to.
-
-At home, Chuck stuck his head in the kitchen and said "Hi" to Sally.
-He resisted patting her. He went to the den and locked the door with
-trembling fingers, then sat at the desk and took out his knife. He cut
-off the realistic red nipples from all twenty cigarettes, and made a
-pyre of them in the middle of the glass top. Then he set fire to them,
-not minding the acrid smoke.
-
-He put a cigarette to his lips. Still he hesitated, fearing the
-hallucinations, about which he had heard but never experienced.
-
-Suddenly he grinned and leaned back, lit up and closed his eyes. The
-parade of pictures began in front of his eyeballs. First a picture of
-human lungs, and slowly the cancer virus invades them and eats them
-away. Then the parade of men and women clutching their chests, writhing
-in death throes. Chuck Dane smiled, enjoying each hallucination.
-Pretending that the unlucky victims were the Propagandists.
-
-He lit another cigarette from the butt of the first one, and leaned
-back, feeling his lungs pleasantly saturated with smoke.
-
-When ten cigarettes were snubbed in a row on the glass top of the desk,
-he stopped and mused. Now, he guessed he would die of cancer for sure.
-He wondered how long....
-
-Then another thought hit him. With two temptations, he wondered why he
-had given in to the cigarette first.
-
-He lit another Puffie and leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes.
-A perfect technicolor picture of Sally crossed his mind, swishing the
-pony tail provocatively. He got up. Left the den. Went to the kitchen
-and leaned in the door watching her.
-
-Tomorrow was Tuesday. His day for S-Count. But he wouldn't submit to
-that again. Or have that little talk with Doctor Benton. Tomorrow,
-going to work, when he crossed U.S. 75 he would give some Teenager a
-hell of a thrill! But tonight ... tonight....
-
-"Come here, baby!" he whispered harshly.
-
-
-
-
-
-End of Project Gutenberg's The Downhill Side of Thirty, by Virgil F. Shockley
-
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