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+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #61072 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/61072)
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-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Our Street, by M. A. Titmarsh
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license
-
-
-Title: Our Street
-
-Author: M. A. Titmarsh
-
-Release Date: January 1, 2020 [EBook #61072]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR STREET ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Charlene Taylor, Chuck Greif and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
-file was produced from images generously made available
-by The Internet Archive)
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
- [Illustration: THE SIREN OF OUR STREET.]
-
-
-
-
- “OUR STREET.”
-
- BY
-
- MR. M. A. TITMARSH.
-
- [Illustration]
-
- LONDON:
- CHAPMAN AND HALL, 186 STRAND.
- MDCCCXLVIII.
-
-
-
-
- OUR STREET.
-
- [Illustration]
-
-
-Our Street, from the little nook which I occupy in it, and whence I and
-a fellow-lodger and friend of mine cynically observe it, presents a
-strange motley scene. We are in a state of transition. We are not as yet
-in the town, and we have left the country where we were when I came to
-lodge with Mrs. Cammysole, my excellent landlady. I then took
-second-floor apartments at No. 17 Waddilove Street, and since, although
-I have never moved (having various little comforts about me), I find
-myself living at No. 46 A Pocklington Gardens.
-
-Why is this? Why am I to pay eighteen shillings instead of fifteen? I
-was quite as happy in Waddilove Street; but the fact is, a great portion
-of that venerable old district has passed away, and we are being
-absorbed into the splendid new white-stuccoed Doric-porticoed genteel
-Pocklington quarter. Sir Thomas Gibbs Pocklington, M.P. for the borough
-of Lathanplaster, is the founder of the district and his own fortune.
-The Pocklington Estate Office is in the Square, on a line with
-Waddil--with Pocklington Gardens, I mean. The old inn, the Ram and
-Magpie, where the market-gardeners used to bait, came out this year with
-a new white face and title, the shield, &c. of the Pocklington Arms.
-Such a shield it is! Such quarterings! Howard, Cavendish, De Ros, De la
-Zouche, all mingled together.
-
-Even our house, 46 A, which Mrs. Cammysole has had painted white in
-compliment to the Gardens of which it now forms part, is a sort of
-impostor, and has no business to be called Gardens at all. Mr. Gibbs,
-Sir Thomas’s agent and nephew, is furious at our daring to take the
-title which belongs to our betters. The very next door (No. 46, the
-Honourable Mrs. Mountnoddy) is a house of five stories, shooting up
-proudly into the air, thirty feet above our old high-roofed low-roomed
-old tenement. It belongs to Captain Bragg, not only the landlord but the
-son-in-law of Mrs. Cammysole, who lives a couple of hundred yards down
-the street, at “The Bungalow.” He was the Commander of the Ram Chunder
-East Indiaman, and has quarrelled with the Pocklingtons ever since he
-bought houses in the parish.
-
-He it is who will not sell or alter his houses to suit the spirit of
-the times. He it is who, though he made the widow Cammysole change the
-name of her street, will not pull down the house next door, nor the
-baker’s next, nor the iron-bedstead and feather warehouse ensuing, nor
-the little barber’s with the pole, nor, I am ashamed to say, the tripe
-shop, still standing. The barber powders the heads of the great footmen
-from Pocklington Gardens; they are so big that they can scarcely sit in
-his little premises. And the old tavern, The East Indiaman, is kept by
-Bragg’s ship steward, and protests against the Pocklington Arms.
-
-Down the road is Pocklington Chapel, Rev. Oldham Slocum--in brick, with
-arched windows and a wooden belfry; sober, dingy, and hideous. In the
-centre of Pocklington Gardens rises St. Waltheof’s, the Rev. Cyril
-Thuryfer and assistants--a splendid Anglo-Norman edifice, vast, rich,
-elaborate, bran new, and intensely old. Down Avemary Lane you may hear
-the clink of the little Romish Chapel bell. And hard by is a large
-broad-shouldered Ebenezer (Rev. Jonas Gronow), out of the windows of
-which the hymns come booming all Sunday long.
-
-Going westward along the line we come presently to Comandine House (on a
-part of the gardens of which Comandine Gardens is about to be erected by
-his lordship); farther on, “The Pineries,” Mr. and Lady Mary Mango; and
-so we get into the country, and out of Our Street altogether, as I may
-say. But in the half mile, over which it may be said to extend, we find
-all sorts and conditions of people--from the Right Honourable Lord
-Comandine down to the present topographer; who, being of no rank, as it
-were, has the fortune to be treated on almost friendly footing by all,
-from his lordship down to the tradesman.
-
-
-
-
-OUR HOUSE IN OUR STREET.
-
-
-We must begin our little descriptions where, they say, Charity should
-begin--at home. Mrs. Cammysole, my landlady, will be rather surprised
-when she reads this, and finds that a good-natured tenant, who has never
-complained of her impositions for fifteen years, understands every one
-of her tricks, and treats them, not with anger, but with scorn--with
-silent scorn.
-
-On the 18th of December, 1837, for instance, coming gently down stairs,
-and before my usual wont, I saw you seated in my arm-chair, peeping into
-a letter that came from my aunt in the country, just as if it had been
-addressed to you, and not to “M. A. Titmarsh, Esq.” Did I make any
-disturbance? far from it; I slunk back to my bed-room (being enabled to
-walk silently in the beautiful pair of worsted slippers Miss Penelope
-J----s worked for me; they are worn out now, dear Penelope!), and then,
-rattling open the door with a great noise, descended the stairs, singing
-“_Son vergin vezzosa_” at the top of my voice. You were not in my
-sitting-room, Mrs. Cammysole, when I entered that apartment.
-
-You have been reading all my letters, papers, manuscripts, _brouillons_
-of verses, inchoate articles for the _Morning Post_ and _Morning
-Chronicle_, invitations to dinner and tea--all my family letters, all
-Eliza Townley’s letters, from the first, in which she declared that to
-be the bride of her beloved Michelagnolo was the fondest wish of her
-maiden heart, to the last, in which she announced that her Thomas was
-the best of husbands, and signed herself “Eliza Slogger;” all Mary
-Farmer’s letters, all Emily Delamere’s; all that poor foolish old Miss
-MacWhirter’s, whom I would as soon marry as----; in a word, I know that
-you, you hawk-beaked, keen-eyed, sleepless, indefatigable, old Mrs.
-Cammysole, have read all my papers for these ten years.
-
-I know that you cast your curious old eyes over all the manuscripts
-which you find in my coat pockets and those of my pantaloons, as they
-hang in a drapery over the door-handle of my bed-room.
-
-I know that you count the money in my green and gold purse, which Lucy
-Netterville gave me, and speculate on the manner in which I have laid
-out the difference between to-day and yesterday.
-
-I know that you have an understanding with the laundress (to whom you
-say that you are all-powerful with me), threatening to take away my
-practice from her, unless she gets up gratis some of your fine linen.
-
-I know that we both have a pennyworth of cream for breakfast, which is
-brought in in the same little can; and I know who has the most for her
-share.
-
-I know how many lumps of sugar you take from each pound as it arrives. I
-have counted the lumps, you old thief, and for years have never said a
-word, except to Miss Clapperclaw, the first-floor lodger. Once I put a
-bottle of pale brandy into that cupboard, of which you and I only have
-keys, and the liquor wasted and wasted away, until it was all gone. You
-drank the whole of it, you wicked old woman. You a lady, indeed!
-
-I know your rage when they did me the honour to elect me a member of the
-Poluphloisboiothalasses Club, and I ceased consequently to dine at home.
-When I _did_ dine at home, on a beefsteak, let us say, I should like to
-know what you had for supper? You first amputated portions of the meat
-when raw; you abstracted more when cooked. Do you think _I_ was taken in
-by your flimsy pretences? I wonder how you could dare to do such things
-before your maids (you, a clergyman’s daughter and widow, indeed!), whom
-you yourself were always charging with roguery.
-
-Yes, the insolence of the old woman is unbearable, and I must break out
-at last. If she goes off in a fit at reading this, I am sure I shan’t
-mind. She has two unhappy wenches, against whom her old tongue is
-clacking from morning till night; she pounces on them at all hours. It
-was but this morning at eight, when poor Molly was brooming the steps,
-and the baker paying her by no means unmerited compliments, that my
-landlady came whirling out of the ground-floor front, and sent the poor
-girl whimpering into the kitchen.
-
-Were it but for her conduct to her maids I was determined publicly to
-denounce her. These poor wretches she causes to lead the lives of
-demons; and not content with bullying them all day, she sleeps at night
-in the same room with them, so that she may have them up before
-daybreak, and scold them while they are dressing.
-
-Certain it is, that between her and Miss Clapperclaw, on the first
-floor, the poor wenches led a dismal life. My dear Miss Clapperclaw, I
-hope you will excuse me for having placed you in the title-page of my
-little book, looking out of your accustomed window, and having your
-eye-glasses ready to spy the whole street, which you know better than
-any inhabitant of it.
-
-It is to you that I owe most of my knowledge of our neighbours; from you
-it is that most of the facts and observations contained in these brief
-pages are taken. Many a night, over our tea, have we talked amiably
-about our neighbours and their little failings; and as I know that you
-speak of mine pretty freely, why let me say, my dear Bessy, that if we
-have not built up Our Street between us, at least we have pulled it to
-pieces.
-
-[Illustration: A STREET COURTSHIP.
-
- _Baker._ How them curl papers do become you, Miss Molly.
- _Miss Molly._ Git ’long now, Baker, do.
-]
-
-
-
-
-THE BUNGALOW--CAPTAIN AND MRS. BRAGG.
-
-
-Long, long ago, when Our Street was the country--a stagecoach between us
-and London passing four times a-day--I do not care to own that it was a
-sight of Flora Cammysole’s face, under the card of her mamma’s “Lodgings
-to Let,” which first caused me to become a tenant of Our Street. A fine
-good-humoured lass she was then; and I gave her lessons (part out of the
-rent) in French and flower-painting. She has made a fine rich marriage
-since, although her eyes have often seemed to me to say, “Ah, Mr. T.,
-why didn’t you, when there was yet time, and we both of us were free,
-propose--you know what?” “Psha! Where was the money, my dear madam?”
-
-Captain Bragg, then occupied in building Bungalow Lodge--Bragg, I say,
-living on the first floor, and entertaining sea-captains, merchants, and
-East Indian friends with his grand ship’s plate, being disappointed in a
-project of marrying a director’s daughter, who was also a second-cousin
-once removed of a peer, sent in a fury for Mrs. Cammysole, his landlady,
-and proposed to marry Flora off-hand, and settle four hundred a-year
-upon her. Flora was ordered from the back parlour (the Ground-floor
-occupies the Second-floor bed-room), and was on the spot made acquainted
-with the splendid offer which the First-floor had made her. She has been
-Mrs. Captain Bragg these twelve years.
-
-You see her portrait, and that of the brute, her husband, on the
-opposite side of the page.
-
-Bragg to this day wears anchor-buttons, and has a dress-coat with a gold
-strap for epaulets, in case he should have a fancy to sport them. His
-house is covered with portraits, busts, and miniatures of himself. His
-wife is made to wear one of the latter. On his sideboard are pieces of
-plate, presented by the passengers of the Ram Chunder to Captain Bragg.
-“The Ram Chunder East Indiaman, in a gale, off Table Bay;” “The
-Outward-bound Fleet, under convoy of Her Majesty’s frigate Loblollyboy,
-Captain Gutch, beating off the French squadron, under Commodore Leloup
-(the Ram Chunder, S.E. by E., is represented engaged with the Mirliton
-corvette);” “The Ram Chunder standing into the Hooghly, with Captain
-Bragg, his telescope, and speaking-trumpet, on the poop;” “Captain Bragg
-presenting the Officers of the Ram Chunder to General Bonaparte at St.
-Helena”--TITMARSH (this fine piece was painted by me when I was in
-favour with Bragg); in a word, Bragg and the Ram Chunder are all over
-the house.
-
-[Illustration: CAPTAIN AND MRS. BRAGG OF OUR STREET.]
-
-Although I have eaten scores of dinners at Captain Bragg’s charge, yet
-his hospitality is so insolent that none of us who frequent his
-mahogany, feel any obligation to our braggart entertainer.
-
-After he has given one of his great heavy dinners he always takes an
-opportunity to tell you, in the most public way, how many bottles of
-wine were drunk. His pleasure is to make his guests tipsy, and to tell
-everybody how and when the period of inebriation arose. And Miss
-Clapperclaw tells me that he often comes over laughing and giggling to
-her, and pretending that he has brought _me_ into this condition--a
-calumny which I fling contemptuously in his face.
-
-He scarcely gives any but men’s parties, and invites the whole club home
-to dinner. What is the compliment of being asked, when the whole club is
-asked too, I should like to know? Men’s parties are only good for boys.
-I hate a dinner where there are no women. Bragg sits at the head of his
-table, and bullies the solitary Mrs. Bragg.
-
-He entertains us with stories of storms which he, Bragg, encountered--of
-dinners which he, Bragg, has received from the Governor-General of
-India--of jokes which he, Bragg, has heard; and however stale or odious
-they may be, poor Mrs. B. is always expected to laugh.
-
-Woe be to her if she doesn’t, or if she laughs at anybody else’s jokes.
-I have seen Bragg go up to her and squeeze her arm with a savage grind
-of his teeth, and say, with an oath, “Hang it, madam, how dare you laugh
-when any man but your husband speaks to you? I forbid you to grin in
-that way. I forbid you to look sulky. I forbid you to look happy, or to
-look up, or to keep your eyes down to the ground. I desire you will not
-be trapesing through the rooms. I order you not to sit as still as a
-stone.” He curses her if the wine is corked, or if the dinner is
-spoiled, or if she comes a minute too soon to the club for him, or
-arrives a minute too late. He forbids her to walk, except upon his arm.
-And the consequence of his ill-treatment is, that Mrs. Cammysole and
-Mrs. Bragg respect him beyond measure, and think him the first of human
-beings.
-
-“I never knew a woman who was constantly bullied by her husband who did
-not like him the better for it,” Miss Clapperclaw says. And though this
-speech has some of Clapp’s usual sardonic humour in it, I can’t but
-think there is some truth in the remark.
-
-[Illustration: A STUDIO IN OUR STREET.]
-
-
-
-
-LEVANT HOUSE CHAMBERS.
-
-MR. RUMBOLD, A.R.A., AND MISS RUMBOLD.
-
-
-When Lord Levant quitted the country and this neighbourhood, in which
-the tradesmen still deplore him, No. 56, known as Levantine House, was
-let to the Pococurante Club, which was speedily bankrupt (for we are too
-far from the centre of town to support a club of our own); it was
-subsequently hired by the West Diddlesex Railroad; and is now divided
-into sets of Chambers, superintended by an acrimonious housekeeper, and
-by a porter in a sham livery, who, if you won’t find him at the door,
-you may as well seek at the Grapes public-house, in the little lane
-round the corner. He varnishes the japan-boots of the dandy lodgers;
-reads Mr. Pinkney’s _Morning Post_ before he lets him have it; and
-neglects the letters of the inmates of the Chambers generally.
-
-The great rooms, which were occupied as the salons of the noble Levant,
-the coffee-rooms of the Pococurante (a club where the play was furious,
-as I am told), and the board-room and manager’s-room of the West
-Diddlesex, are tenanted now by a couple of artists; young Pinkney the
-miniaturist, and George Rumbold the historical-painter. Miss Rumbold,
-his sister, lives with him, by the way; but with that young lady of
-course we have nothing to do.
-
-I knew both these gentlemen at Rome, when George wore a velvet doublet
-and a beard down to his chest, and used to talk about high art at the
-Café Greco. How it smelled of smoke, that velveteen doublet of his, with
-which his stringy red beard was likewise perfumed! It was in his studio
-that I had the honour to be introduced to his sister, the fair Miss
-Clara; she had a large casque with a red horse-hair plume (I thought it
-had been a wisp of her brother’s beard at first), and held a tin-headed
-spear in her hand, representing a Roman warrior in the great picture of
-Caractacus George was painting--a piece sixty-four feet by eighteen. The
-Roman warrior blushed to be discovered in that attitude: the tin-headed
-spear trembled in the whitest arm in the world. So she put it down, and
-taking off the helmet also, went and sat in a far corner of the studio,
-mending George’s stockings; whilst we smoked a couple of pipes, and
-talked about Raphael being a good deal overrated.
-
-I think he is; and have never disguised my opinion about the
-“Transfiguration.” And all the time we talked, there were Clara’s eyes
-looking lucidly out from the dark corner in which she was sitting,
-working away at the stockings. The lucky fellow! They were in a dreadful
-state of bad repair when she came out to him at Rome, after the death of
-their father, the Reverend Miles Rumbold.
-
-George while at Rome painted “Caractacus;” a picture of “Non Angli sed
-Angeli,” of course; a picture of “Alfred in the Neat-herd’s Cottage,”
-seventy-two feet by forty-eight; (an idea of the gigantic size and
-Michael-Angelesque proportions of this picture may be formed, when I
-state that the mere muffin, of which the outcast king is spoiling the
-baking, is two feet three in diameter); and the deaths of Socrates, of
-Remus, and of the Christians under Nero respectively. I shall never
-forget how lovely Clara looked in white muslin, with her hair down, in
-this latter picture, giving herself up to a ferocious Carnifex (for
-which Bob Gaunter the architect sat), and refusing to listen to the mild
-suggestions of an insinuating Flamen; which character was a gross
-caricature of myself.
-
-None of George’s pictures sold. He has enough to tapestry Trafalgar
-Square. He has painted since he came back to England “The flaying of
-Marsyas;” “The smothering of the little boys in the Tower;” “A plague
-scene during the great pestilence;” “Ugolino on the seventh day after he
-was deprived of victuals,” &c. For although these pictures have great
-merit, and the writhings of Marsyas, the convulsions of the little
-prince, the look of agony of St. Lawrence on the gridiron, &c., are
-quite true to nature, yet the subjects somehow are not agreeable; and if
-he hadn’t a small patrimony, my friend George would starve.
-
-Fondness for art leads me a great deal to this studio. George is a
-gentleman, and has very good friends, and good pluck too. When we were
-at Rome there was a great row between him and young Heeltap, Lord
-Boxmoor’s son, who was uncivil to Miss Rumbold; (the young
-scoundrel--had I been a fighting man I should like to have shot him
-myself!) Lady Betty Bulbul is very fond of Clara, and Tom Bulbul, who
-took George’s message to Heeltap, is always hanging about the studio. At
-least I know that I find the young jackanapes there almost every day;
-bringing a new novel, or some poisonous French poetry, or a basket of
-flowers, or grapes, with Lady Betty’s love to her dear Clara--a young
-rascal with white kids, and his hair curled every morning. What business
-has _he_ to be dangling about George Rumbold’s premises, and sticking up
-his ugly pug-face as a model for all George’s pictures?
-
-Miss Clapperclaw says Bulbul is evidently smitten, and Clara too. What!
-would she put up with such a little fribble as that, when there is a man
-of intellect and taste who--but I won’t believe it. It is all the
-jealousy of women.
-
-[Illustration: SOME OF OUR GENTLEMEN.]
-
-
-
-
-SOME OF THE SERVANTS IN OUR STREET.
-
-
-These gentlemen have two clubs in our quarter--for the butlers at the
-Indiaman, and for the gents in livery at the Paddington Arms--of either
-of which societies I should like to be a member. I am sure they could
-not be so dull as Our Club at the Poluphloisboio, where one meets the
-same neat clean respectable old fogies every day.
-
-But with the best wishes, it is impossible for the present writer to
-join either the Plate Club or the Uniform Club (as these _réunions_ are
-designated), for one could not shake hands with a friend who was
-standing behind your chair--or nod a how-dye-do to the batter who was
-pouring you out a glass of wine;--so that what I know about the gents in
-our neighbourhood is from mere casual observation. For instance, I have
-a slight acquaintance with, 1, Thomas Spavin, who commonly wears the
-above air of injured innocence, and is groom to Mr. Joseph Green, of Our
-Street. “_I_ tell why the Brougham oss is out of condition, and why
-Desperation broke out all in a lather! Osses will this eavy weather;
-and Desperation was always the most mystest hoss I ever see.--_I_ take
-him out with Mr. Anderson’s ounds--I’m above it. I allis was too timid
-to ride to ounds by natur; and Colonel Sprigs’ groom as says he saw me,
-is a liar,” &c., &c.
-
-Such is the tenor of Mr. Spavin’s remarks to his master. Whereas all the
-world in Our Street knows that Mr. Spavin spends at least a hundred
-a-year in beer; that he keeps a betting-book; that he has lent Mr.
-Green’s black Brougham horse to the omnibus driver; and at a time when
-Mr. G. supposed him at the veterinary surgeon’s, has lent him to a
-livery stable, which has let him out to that gentleman himself, and
-actually driven him to dinner behind his own horse.
-
-This conduct I can understand, but I cannot excuse--Mr. Spavin may; and
-I leave the matter to be settled betwixt himself and Mr. Green.
-
-The second is Monsieur Sinbad, Mr. Clarence Bulbul’s man, whom we all
-hate Clarence for keeping.
-
-Mr. Sinbad is a foreigner, speaking no known language, but a mixture of
-every European dialect--so that he may be an Italian brigand, or a
-Tyrolese minstrel, or a Spanish smuggler, for what we know. I have heard
-say that he is neither of these, but an Irish Jew.
-
-He wears studs, hair-oil, jewellery, and linen shirt fronts, very finely
-embroidered but not particular for whiteness. He generally appears in
-faded velvet waistcoats of a morning, and is always perfumed with stale
-tobacco. He wears large rings on his hands, which look as if he kept
-them up the chimney.
-
-He does not appear to do anything earthly for Clarence Bulbul, except to
-smoke his cigars, and to practise on his guitar. He will not answer a
-bell, nor fetch a glass of water, nor go of an errand, on which, _au
-reste_, Clarence dares not send him, being entirely afraid of his
-servant, and not daring to use him, or to abuse him, or to send him
-away.
-
-3. Adams--Mr. Champignon’s man--a good old man in an old livery coat
-with old worsted lace--so very old, deaf, surly, and faithful, that you
-wonder how he should have got into the family at all, who never kept a
-footman till last year, when they came into the street.
-
-Miss Clapperclaw says she believes Adams to be Mrs. Champignon’s father,
-and he certainly has a look of that lady, as Miss C. pointed out to me
-at dinner one night, whilst old Adams was blundering about amongst the
-hired men from Gunter’s, and falling over the silver dishes.
-
-4. Fipps, the buttoniest page in all the street, walks behind Mrs.
-Grimsby with her prayer-book, and protects her.
-
-“If that woman wants a protector” (a female acquaintance remarks),
-“Heaven be good to us--she is as big as an ogress, and has an upper lip
-which many a Cornet of the Life Guards might envy. Her poor dear
-husband was a big man, and she could beat him easily, and did too. Mrs.
-Grimsby, indeed! Why, my dear Mr. Titmarsh, it is Glumdalca walking with
-Tom Thumb.”
-
-This observation of Miss C.’s is very true, and Mrs. Grimsby might carry
-her prayer-book to church herself. But Miss Clapperclaw, who is pretty
-well able to take care of herself too, was glad enough to have the
-protection of the page when she went out in the fly to pay visits: and
-before Mrs. Grimsby and she quarrelled at whist at Lady Pocklington’s.
-
-After this merely parenthetic observation, we come to 4, one of her
-ladyship’s large men, Mr. Jeames--a gentleman of vast stature and
-proportions, who is almost nose to nose with us as we pass her
-ladyship’s door on the outside of the omnibus. I think Jeames has a
-contempt for a man whom he witnesses in that position. I have fancied
-something like that feeling showed itself (as far as it may in a
-well-bred gentleman accustomed to society) in his behaviour, while
-waiting behind my chair at dinner.
-
-But I take Jeames to be, like most giants, good-natured, lazy, stupid,
-soft-hearted, and extremely fond of drink. One night, his lady being
-engaged to dinner at Nightingale House, I saw Mr. Jeames resting himself
-on a bench at the Pocklington Arms: where, as he had no liquor before
-him, he had probably exhausted his credit.
-
-Little Spitfire, Mr. Clarence Bulbul’s boy, the wickedest little varlet
-that ever hung on to a cab, was “chaffing” Mr. Jeames,
-
-[Illustration: WHY OUR NURSEMAIDS LIKE KENSINGTON GARDENS.]
-
-holding up to his face a pot of porter almost as big as the young
-potifer himself.
-
-“Vill you now, Bigun, or vont you?” Spitfire said; “if you’re thursty,
-vy dont you say so and squench it, old boy?”
-
-“Dont ago on makin fun of me--I can’t abear chaffin,” was the reply of
-Mr. Jeames, and tears actually stood in his fine eyes, as he looked at
-the porter and the screeching little imp before him.
-
-Spitfire (real name unknown) gave him some of the drink: I am happy to
-say Jeames’s face wove quite a different look when it rose gasping out
-of the porter; and I judge of his dispositions from the above trivial
-incident.
-
-The last boy in the sketch, 6, need scarcely be particularized. Doctor’s
-boy; was a charity boy; stripes evidently added on to a pair of the
-doctor’s clothes of last year--Miss Clapperclaw pointed this out to me
-with a giggle.--Nothing escapes that old woman.
-
-As we were walking in Kensington Gardens she pointed me out Mrs. Braggs
-nursery-maid, who sings so loud at church, engaged with a Life
-Guardsman, whom she was trying to convert probably. My virtuous friend
-rose indignant at the sight.
-
-“That’s why these minxes like Kensington Gardens,” she cried. “Look at
-the woman: she leaves the baby on the grass, for the giant to trample
-upon; and that little wretch of a Hastings Bragg is riding on the
-monster’s cane.”
-
-Miss C. flew up and seized the infant, waking it out of its sleep, and
-causing all the gardens to echo with its squalling. “I’ll teach you to
-be impudent to me,” she said to the nursery-maid, with whom my vivacious
-old friend, I suppose, has had a difference; and she would not release
-the infant until she had rung the bell of Bungalow Lodge, where she gave
-it up to the footman.
-
-The giant in scarlet had slunk down toward Knightsbridge meanwhile. The
-big rogues are always crossing the Park and the Gardens, and hankering
-about Our Street.
-
-[Illustration: A STREET CEREMONY.]
-
-
-
-
-WHAT SOMETIMES HAPPENS IN OUR STREET.
-
-
-It was before old Hunkington’s house that the mutes were standing, as I
-passed and saw this group at the door. The charity-boy with the hoop is
-the son of the jolly-looking mute; he admires his father, who admires
-himself too, in those bran-new, sables. The other infants are the spawn
-of the alleys about Our Street. Only the parson and the typhus fever
-visit those mysterious haunts, which lie couched about our splendid
-houses like Lazarus at the threshold of Dives.
-
-Those little ones come crawling abroad in the sunshine, to the annoyance
-of the beadles, and the horror of a number of good people in the street.
-They will bring up the rear of the procession anon, when the grand
-omnibus with the feathers, and the fine coaches with the long-tailed
-black horses, and the gentlemen’s private carriages with the shutters
-up, pass along to Saint Waltheof’s.
-
-You can hear the slow bell tolling clear in the sunshine already,
-mingling with the crowing of Punch, who is passing down the street with
-his show; and the two musics make a queer medley.
-
-Not near so many people, I remark, engage Punch now as in the good old
-times. I suppose our quarter is growing too genteel for him.
-
-Miss Bridget Jones, a poor curate’s daughter in Wales, comes into all
-Hunkington’s property, and will take his name, as I am told. Nobody ever
-heard of her before. I am sure Captain Hunkington, and his brother
-Barnwell Hunkington, must wish that the lucky young lady had never been
-heard of to the present day.
-
-But they will have the consolation of thinking that they did their duty
-by their uncle, and consoled his declining years. It was but last month
-that Millwood Hunkington (the Captain) sent the old gentleman a service
-of plate; and Mrs. Barnwell got a reclining carriage at a great expense,
-from Hobbs and Dobbs’s, in which the old gentleman went out only once.
-
-“It is a punishment on those Hunkingtons,” Miss Clapperclaw remarks;
-“upon those people who have been always living beyond their little
-incomes, and always speculating upon what the old man would leave them,
-and always coaxing him with presents which they could not afford, and he
-did not want. It is a punishment upon those Hunkingtons to be so
-disappointed.”
-
-“Think of giving him plate,” Miss C. justly says, “who had chests-full;
-and sending him a carriage, who could afford to buy all Long Acre. And
-everything goes to Miss Jones Hunkington. I wonder will she give the
-things back?” Miss Clapperclaw asks. “I wouldn’t.”
-
-And indeed I don’t think Miss Clapperclaw would.
-
-
-
-
-SOMEBODY WHOM NOBODY KNOWS.
-
-
-That pretty little house, the last in Pocklington Square, was lately
-occupied by a young widow lady who wore a pink bonnet, a short silk
-dress, sustained by crinoline, and a light blue mantle, or over-jacket
-(Miss C. is not here to tell me the name of the garment); or else a
-black velvet pelisse, a yellow shawl, and a white bonnet; or else--but
-never mind the dress, which seemed to be of the handsomest sort money
-could buy--and who had very long glossy black ringlets, and a peculiarly
-brilliant complexion,--No. 96 Pocklington Square, I say, was lately
-occupied by a widow lady named Mrs. Stafford Molyneux.
-
-The very first day on which an intimate and valued female friend of mine
-saw Mrs. Stafford Molyneux stepping into a Brougham, with a splendid bay
-horse, and without a footman (mark, if you please, that delicate sign of
-respectability), and after a moment’s examination of Mrs. S. M.’s
-toilette, her manners, little dog, carnation-coloured parasol, &c., Miss
-Elizabeth Clapperclaw clapped to the opera-glass with which she had been
-regarding the new inhabitant of Our Street, came away from the window in
-a great flurry, and began poking her fire in a fit of virtuous
-indignation.
-
-“She’s very pretty,” said I, who had been looking over Miss C.’s
-shoulder at the widow with the flashing eyes and drooping ringlets.
-
-“Hold your tongue, sir,” said Miss Clapperclaw, tossing up her virgin
-head with an indignant blush on her nose. “It’s a sin and a shame that
-such a creature should be riding in her carriage, forsooth, when honest
-people must go on foot.”
-
-Subsequent observations confirmed my revered fellow-lodger’s anger and
-opinion. We have watched Hansom cabs standing before that lady’s house
-for hours; we have seen Broughams, with great flaring eyes, keeping
-watch there in the darkness; we have seen the vans from the _comestible_
-shops drive up and discharge loads of wines, groceries, French plums,
-and other articles of luxurious horror. We have seen Count Wowski’s
-drag, Lord Martingale’s carriage, Mr. Deuceace’s cab drive up there time
-after time; and (having remarked previously the pastry-cook’s men arrive
-with the trays and _entrées_) we have known that this widow was giving
-dinners at the little house in Pocklington Square--dinners such as
-decent people could not hope to enjoy.
-
-My excellent friend has been in a perfect fury when Mrs. Stafford
-Molyneux, in a black velvet riding-habit, with a hat and feather, has
-come out and mounted an odious grey horse, and has cantered down the
-street, followed by her groom upon a bay.
-
-“It won’t last long--it must end in shame and humiliation,” my dear Miss
-C. has remarked, disappointed that the tiles and chimney-pots did not
-fall down upon Mrs. Stafford Molyneux’s head, and crush that cantering
-audacious woman.
-
-But it was a consolation to see her when she walked out with a French
-maid, a couple of children, and a little dog hanging on to her by a blue
-ribbon. She always held down her head then--her head with the drooping
-black ringlets. The virtuous and well-disposed avoided her. I have seen
-the Square-keeper himself look puzzled as she passed; and Lady
-Kicklebury walking by with Miss K., her daughter, turn away from Mrs.
-Stafford Molyneux, and fling back at her a ruthless Parthian glance that
-ought to have killed any woman of decent sensibility.
-
-That wretched woman, meanwhile, with her rouged cheeks (for rouge it
-_is_, Miss Clapperclaw swears, and who is a better judge?) has walked on
-conscious, and yet somehow braving out the Street. You could read pride
-of her beauty, pride of her fine clothes, shame of her position, in her
-downcast black eyes.
-
-As for Mademoiselle Trampoline, her French maid, she would stare the sun
-itself out of countenance. One day she tossed up her head as she passed
-under our windows with a look
-
-[Illustration: THE LADY WHOM NOBODY KNOWS.]
-
-of scorn that drove Miss Clapperclaw back to the fire-place again.
-
-It was Mrs. Stafford Molyneux’s children, however, whom I pitied the
-most. Once her boy, in a flaring tartan, went up to speak to Master
-Roderick Lacy, whose maid was engaged ogling a policeman; and the
-children were going to make friends, being united with a hoop which
-Master Molyneux had, when Master Roderick’s maid, rushing up, clutched
-her charge to her arms, and hurried away, leaving little Molyneux sad
-and wondering.
-
-“Why won’t he play with me, mamma?” Master Molyneux asked--and his
-mother’s face blushed purple as she walked away.
-
-“Ah--Heaven help us and forgive us!” said I; but Miss C. can never
-forgive the mother or child; and she clapped her hands for joy one day
-when we saw the shutters up, bills in the windows, a carpet hanging out
-over the balcony, and a crowd of shabby Jews about the steps--giving
-token that the reign of Mrs. Stafford Molyneux was over. The
-pastry-cooks and their trays, the bay and the grey, the Brougham and the
-groom, the noblemen and their cabs, were all gone; and the tradesmen in
-the neighbourhood were crying out that they were done.
-
-“Serve the odious minx right!” says Miss C.; and she played at picquet
-that night with more vigour than I have known her manifest for these
-last ten years.
-
-What is it that makes certain old ladies so savage upon certain
-subjects? Miss C. is a good woman; pays her rent and her tradesmen;
-gives plenty to the poor; is brisk with her tongue--kind-hearted in the
-main; but if Mrs. Stafford Molyneux and her children were plunged into a
-cauldron of boiling vinegar, I think my revered friend would not take
-her out.
-
-
-
-
-THE MAN IN POSSESSION.
-
-
-For another misfortune which occurred in Our Street we were much more
-compassionate. We liked Danby Dixon, and his wife Fanny Dixon still
-more. Miss C. had a paper of biscuits, and a box of preserved apricots
-always in the cupboard, ready for Dixon’s children--provisions by the
-way which she locked up under Mrs. Cammysole’s nose, so that our
-landlady could by no possibility lay a hand on them.
-
-Dixon and his wife had the neatest little house possible (No. 16,
-opposite 96), and were liked and respected by the whole street. He was
-called Dandy Dixon when he was in the Dragoons, and was a light weight,
-and rather famous as a gentleman rider. On his marriage, he sold out and
-got fat; and was indeed a florid, contented, and jovial gentleman.
-
-His little wife was charming--to see her in pink, with some miniature
-Dixons in pink too, round about her, or in that beautiful grey dress,
-with the deep black lace flounces, which she wore at my Lord Comandine’s
-on the night of the private theatricals, would have done any man good.
-To hear her sing any of my little ballads, “Know’st thou the
-Willow-tree?” for instance, or “The Rose upon my balcony,” or “The
-Humming of the Honey-bee” (far superior, in _my_ judgment, and in that
-of _some good judges_ likewise, to that humbug Clarence Bulbul’s
-ballads)--to hear her, I say, sing these, was to be in a sort of small
-Elysium. Dear, dear, little Fanny Dixon! she was like a little chirping
-bird of Paradise. It was a shame that storms should ever ruffle such a
-tender plumage.
-
-Well, never mind about sentiment.--Danby Dixon, the owner of this little
-treasure, an ex-captain of dragoons, and having nothing to do, and a
-small income, wisely thought he would employ his spare time, and
-increase his revenue. He became a Director of the Cornaro Life Insurance
-Company, of the Tregulpho tin-mines, and of four or five railroad
-companies. It was amusing to see him swaggering about the City in his
-clinking boots, and with his high and mighty dragoon manners. For a time
-his talk about shares after dinner was perfectly intolerable; and I for
-one was always glad to leave him in the company of sundry very dubious
-capitalists who frequented his house, and walk up to hear Mrs. Fanny
-warbling at the piano, with her little children about her knees.
-
-It was only last season that they set up a carriage--the modestest
-little vehicle conceivable--driven by Kirby, who had
-
-[Illustration: THE MAN IN POSSESSION.]
-
-been in Dixon’s troop in the regiment, and had followed him into private
-life as coachman, footman, and page.
-
-One day lately I went into Dixon’s house, hearing that some calamities
-had befallen him, the particulars of which Miss Clapperclaw was desirous
-to know. The creditors of the Tregulpho mines had got a verdict against
-him as one of the directors of that company; the engineer of the Little
-Diddlesex Junction had sued him for two thousand three hundred
-pounds--the charges of that scientific man for six weeks’ labour in
-surveying the line. His brother directors were to be discovered nowhere;
-Windham, Dodgin, Mizzlington, and the rest, were all gone long ago.
-
-When I entered, the door was open--there was a smell of smoke in the
-dining-room, where a gentleman at noon-day was seated with a pipe and a
-pot of beer--a man in possession indeed, in that comfortable pretty
-parlour, by that snug round table where I have so often seen Fanny
-Dixon’s smiling face.
-
-Kirby, the ex-dragoon, was scowling at the fellow, who lay upon a little
-settee reading the newspaper, with an evident desire to kill him. Mrs.
-Kirby, his wife, held little Danby, poor Dixon’s son and heir. Dixon’s
-portrait smiled over the sideboard still, and his wife was up stairs in
-an agony of fear, with the poor little daughters of this bankrupt,
-broken family.
-
-This poor soul had actually come down and paid a visit to the man in
-possession. She had sent wine and dinner to “the gentleman down stairs,”
-as she called him in her terror. She had tried to move his heart, by
-representing to him how innocent Captain Dixon was, and how he had
-always paid, and always remained at home when everybody else had fled.
-As if her tears, and simple tales and entreaties, could move that man in
-possession out of the house, or induce him to pay the costs of the
-action which her husband had lost.
-
-Danby meanwhile was at Boulogne, sickening after his wife and children.
-They sold everything in his house--all his smart furniture, and neat
-little stock of plate; his wardrobe and his linen, “the property of a
-gentleman gone abroad;” his carriage by the best maker; and his wine
-selected without regard to expense. His house was shut up as completely
-as his opposite neighbour’s; and a new tenant is just having it fresh
-painted inside and out, as if poor Dixon had left an infection behind.
-
-Kirby and his wife went across the water with the children and Mrs.
-Fanny--she has a small settlement; and I am bound to say that our mutual
-friend Miss Elizabeth C. went down with Mrs. Dixon in the fly to the
-Tower Stairs, and stopped in Lombard Street by the way.
-
-So it is that the world wags: that honest men and knaves alike are
-always having ups and downs of fortune, and that we are perpetually
-changing tenants in Our Street.
-
-[Illustration: THE LION OF THE STREET.]
-
-
-
-
-THE LION OF THE STREET.
-
-
-What people can find in Clarence Bulbul, who has lately taken upon
-himself the rank and dignity of Lion of our Street, I have always been
-at a loss to conjecture.
-
-“He has written an Eastern book of considerable merit,” Miss Clapperclaw
-says; but hang it, has not everybody written an Eastern book? I should
-like to meet anybody in society now who has not been up to the second
-cataract. An Eastern book, forsooth! My Lord Castleroyal has done
-one--an honest one; my Lord Youngent another--an amusing one; my Lord
-Woolsey another--a pious one; there is “The Cutlet and the Cabob”--a
-sentimental one; “Timbuctoothen”--a humorous one, all ludicrously
-overrated, in my opinion, not including my own little book, of which a
-copy or two is still to be had by the way.
-
-Well, then, Clarence Bulbul, because he has made part of the little tour
-that all of us know, comes back and gives himself airs, forsooth, and
-howls as if he were just out of the great Libyan desert.
-
-When we go and see him, that Irish Jew courier, whom I have before had
-the honour to describe, looks up from the novel which he is reading in
-the ante-room, and says, “Mon maitre est au Divan,” or, “Monsieur
-trouvera Monsieur dans son serail,” and relapses into the Comte de
-Montechristo again.
-
-Yes, the impudent wretch has actually a room in his apartments on the
-ground-floor of his mother’s house, which he calls his harem. When Lady
-Betty Bulbul (they are of the Nightingale family) or Miss Blanche comes
-down to visit him, their slippers are placed at the door, and he
-receives them on an ottoman, and these infatuated women will actually
-light his pipe for him.
-
-Little Spitfire, the groom, hangs about the drawing-room, outside the
-harem forsooth! so that he may be ready when Clarence Bulbul claps hands
-for him to bring the pipes and coffee.
-
-He has coffee and pipes for everybody. I should like you to have seen
-the face of old Bowly, his college-tutor, called upon to sit
-cross-legged on a divan, a little cup of bitter black Mocha put into his
-hand, and a large amber-muzzled pipe stuck into his mouth by Spitfire,
-before he could so much as say it was a fine day. Bowly almost thought
-he had compromised his principles by consenting so far to this Turkish
-manner.
-
-Bulbul’s dinners are, I own, very good; his pilaffs and curries
-excellent. He tried to make us eat rice with our fingers, it is true;
-but he scalded his own hands in the business, and invariably bedizened
-his shirt, so he has left off the Turkish practice, for dinner at least,
-and uses a fork like a Christian.
-
-But it is in society that he is most remarkable; and here he would, I
-own, be odious, but he becomes delightful, because all the men hate him
-so. A perfect chorus of abuse is raised round about him. “Confounded
-impostor,” says one; “Impudent jackass,” says another; “Miserable
-puppy,” cries a third; “I’d like to wring his neck,” says Bruff,
-scowling over his shoulder at him. Clarence meanwhile nods, winks,
-smiles, and patronises them all with the easiest good-humour. He is a
-fellow who would poke an archbishop in the apron, or clap a duke on the
-shoulder, as coolly as he would address you and me.
-
-I saw him the other night, at Mrs. Bumpsher’s grand let off. He flung
-himself down cross-legged upon a pink satin sofa, so that you could see
-Mrs. Bumpsher quiver with rage in the distance, Bruff growl with fury
-from the further room, and Miss Pim, on whose frock Bulbul’s feet
-rested, look up like a timid fawn.
-
-“Fan me, Miss Pim,” said he of the cushion. “You look like a perfect
-Peri to-night. You remind me of a girl I once knew in Circassia--Ameena,
-the sister of Schamyle Bey. Do you know, Miss Pim, that you would fetch
-twenty thousand piastres in the market at Constantinople?”
-
-“Law, Mr. Bulbul!” is all Miss Pim can ejaculate; and having talked over
-Miss Pim, Clarence goes off to another houri, whom he fascinates in a
-similar manner. He charmed Mrs. Waddy by telling her that she was the
-exact figure of the Pacha of Egypt’s second wife. He gave Miss Tokely a
-piece of the sack in which Zuleikah was drowned; and he actually
-persuaded that poor little silly Miss Vain to turn Mahometan, and sent
-her up to the Turkish Ambassador’s, to look out for a mufti.
-
-[Illustration: THE DOVE OF THE STREET.]
-
-
-
-
-THE DOVE OF OUR STREET.
-
-
-If Bulbul is our Lion, Young Oriel may be described as The Dove of our
-Colony. He is almost as great a pasha among the ladies as Bulbul. They
-crowd in flocks to see him at Saint Waltheof’s, where the immense height
-of his forehead, the rigid asceticism of his surplice, the twang with
-which he intones the service, and the namby-pamby mysticism of his
-sermons, has turned all the dear girls’ heads for some time past. While
-we were having a rubber at Mrs. Chauntry’s, whose daughters are
-following the new mode, I heard the following talk (which made me revoke
-by the way) going on, in what was formerly called the young lady’s room,
-but is now styled the Oratory.
-
-
- THE ORATORY.
-
- MISS CHAUNTRY. MISS ISABEL CHAUNTRY.
- MISS DE L’AISLE. MISS PYX.
-
- REV. L. ORIEL. REV. O. SLOCUM--[_In the further room._]
-
-_Miss Chauntry_ (_sighing_).--Is it wrong to be in the Guards, dear Mr.
-Oriel?
-
-_Miss Pyx._--She will make Frank de Boots sell out when he marries.
-
-_Mr. Oriel._--To be in the Guards, dear sister? The church has always
-encouraged the army. Saint Martin of Tours was in the army; Saint Louis
-was in the army; Saint Waltheof, our patron, Saint Witikind of
-Aldermanbury, Saint Wamba, and Saint Walloff were in the army. Saint
-Wapshot was captain of the guard of Queen Boadicea; and Saint Werewolf
-was a major in the Danish cavalry. The holy Saint Ignatius of Loyola
-carried a pike, as we know; and----
-
-_Miss de l’Aisle._--Will you take some tea, dear Mr. Oriel?
-
-_Oriel._--This is not one of _my_ feast days, Sister Emma. It is the
-feast of Saint Wagstaff of Walthamstow.
-
-_The Young Ladies._--And we must not even take tea!
-
-_Oriel._--Dear sisters, I said not so. _You_ may do as you list; but I
-am strong (_with a heart-broken sigh_); don’t ply me (_he reels_). I
-took a little water and a parched pea after matins. To-morrow is a flesh
-day, and--and I shall be better then.
-
-_Rev. O. Slocum_ (_from within_).--Madam, I take your heart with my
-small trump.
-
-_Oriel._--Yes, better! dear sister; it is only a passing--a--weakness.
-
-_Miss I. Chauntry._--He’s dying of fever.
-
-_Miss Chauntry._--I’m so glad De Boots need not leave the Blues.
-
-_Miss Pyx._--He wears sackcloth and cinders inside his waistcoat.
-
-_Miss De l’Aisle._--He’s told me to-night he is going to--to--Ro-o-ome.
-[_Miss De l’Aisle bursts into tears._]
-
-_Rev. O. Slocum._--My lord, I have the highest club, which gives the
-trick and two by honours.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Thus, you see, we have a variety of clergymen in Our Street. Mr. Oriel
-is of the pointed Gothic school, while old Slocum is of the good old
-tawny port-wine school; and it must be confessed that Mr. Gronow, at
-Ebenezer, has a hearty abhorrence for both.
-
-As for Gronow, I pity him, if his future lot should fall where Mr Oriel
-supposes that it will.
-
-And as for Oriel, he has not even the benefit of purgatory, which he
-would accord to his neighbour Ebenezer; while old Slocum pronounces both
-to be a couple of humbugs; and Mr. Mole, the demure little beetle-browed
-chaplain of the little church of Avemary Lane, keeps his sly eyes down
-to the ground when he passes any one of his black-coated brethren.
-
-There is only one point on which, my friends, they seem agreed. Slocum
-likes port, but who ever heard that he neglected his poor? Gronow, if he
-comminates his neighbour’s congregation, is the affectionate father of
-his own. Oriel, if he loves pointed Gothic and parched peas for
-breakfast, has a prodigious soup-kitchen for his poor; and as for little
-Father Mole, who never lifts his eyes from the ground, ask our doctor at
-what bedsides he finds him, and how he soothes poverty and braves misery
-and infection.
-
-
-
-
-THE BUMPSHERS.
-
-
-No. 6 Pocklington Gardens (the house with the quantity of flowers in the
-windows, and the awning over the entrance), George Bumpsher, Esquire,
-M.P. for Humborough (and the Beaustalks, Kent).
-
-For some time after this gorgeous family came into our quarter, I
-mistook a bald-headed stout person, whom I used to see looking through
-the flowers on the upper windows, for Bumpsher himself or for the butler
-of the family; whereas it was no other than Mrs. Bumpsher, without her
-chesnut wig; and who is at least three times the size of her husband.
-
-The Bumpshers and the house of Mango at the Pineries vie together in
-their desire to dominate over the neighbourhood; and each votes the
-other a vulgar and purse-proud family. The fact is, both are City
-people. Bumpsher, in his mercantile capacity, is a wholesale stationer
-in Thames Street; and his wife was daughter of an eminent bill-broking
-firm, not a thousand miles from Lombard Street.
-
-He does not sport a coronet and supporters upon his London plate and
-carriages; but his country-house is emblazoned all over with those
-heraldic decorations. He puts on an order when he goes abroad, and is
-Count Bumpsher of the Roman States--which title he purchased from the
-late Pope (through Prince Polonia the banker) for a couple of thousand
-scudi.
-
-It is as good as a coronation to see him and Mrs. Bumpsher go to Court.
-I wonder the carriage can hold them both. On those days Mrs. Bumpsher
-holds her own drawing-room before her Majesty’s; and we are invited to
-come and see her sitting in state, upon the largest sofa in her rooms.
-She has need of a stout one, I promise you. Her very feathers must weigh
-something considerable. The diamonds on her stomacher would embroider a
-full-sized carpet-bag. She has rubies, ribbons, cameos, emeralds, gold
-serpents, opals, and Valenciennes lace, as if she were an immense sample
-out of Howell and James’s shop.
-
-She took up with little Pinkney at Rome, where he made a charming
-picture of her, representing her as about eighteen, with a cherub in her
-lap, who has some liking to Bryanstone Bumpsher, her enormous, vulgar
-son; now a Cornet in the Blues, and anything but a cherub, as those
-would say who saw him in his uniform jacket.
-
-I remember Pinkney when he was painting the picture, Bryanstone being
-then a youth in what they call a skeleton suit
-
-[Illustration: VENUS AND CUPID.]
-
-(as if such a pig of a child could ever have been dressed in anything
-resembling a skeleton)--I remember, I say, Mrs. B. sitting to Pinkney in
-a sort of Egerian costume, her boy by her side, whose head the artist
-turned round and directed it towards a piece of gingerbread, which he
-was to have at the end of the sitting.
-
-Pinkney, indeed, a painter!--a contemptible little humbug, and parasite
-of the great! He has painted Mrs. Bumpsher younger every year for these
-last ten years--and you see in the advertisements of all her parties his
-odious little name stuck in at the end of the list. I’m sure, for my
-part, I’d scorn to enter her doors, or be the toady of any woman.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-
-
-
-JOLLY NEWBOY, ESQ., M.P.
-
-
-How different it is with the Newboys, now, where I have an
-entrée--(having indeed had the honour in former days to give lessons to
-both the ladies)--and where such a quack as Pinkney would never be
-allowed to enter! A merrier house the whole quarter cannot furnish. It
-is there you meet people of all ranks and degrees, not only from our
-quarter but from the rest of the town. It is there that our great man,
-the Right Honourable Lord Comandine, came up and spoke to me in so
-encouraging a manner that I hope to be invited to one of his lordship’s
-excellent dinners (of which I shall not fail to give a very flattering
-description) before the season is over. It is there you find yourself
-talking to statesmen, poets, and artists--not sham poets like Bulbul, or
-quack artists like that Pinkney--but to the best members of all society.
-It is there I made the sketch in the frontispiece while Miss
-Chesterforth was singing a deep-toned tragic ballad, and her mother
-scowling behind her. What a buzz and clack and chatter there was in the
-room to be sure! When Miss Chesterforth sings everybody begins to talk.
-Hicks and old Fogy were on Ireland; Bass was roaring into old Pump’s
-ears (or into his horn rather) about the Navigation Laws; I was engaged
-talking to the charming Mrs. Short; while Charley Bonham (a mere prig,
-in whom I am surprised that the women can see anything) was pouring out
-his fulsome rhapsodies in the ears of Diana White. Lovely, lovely Diana
-White! were it not for three or four other engagements, I know a heart
-that would suit you to a T.
-
-Newboy’s I pronounce to be the jolliest house in the street. He has only
-of late had a rush of prosperity, and turned Parliament man; for his
-distant cousin, of the ancient house of Newboy of ----shire dying,
-Fred--then making believe to practice at the bar, and living with the
-utmost modesty in Gray’s Inn Road--found himself master of a fortune,
-and a great house in the country, of which getting tired, as in the
-course of nature he should, he came up to London, and took that fine
-mansion in our Gardens. He represents Mumborough in Parliament, a seat
-which has been time out of mind occupied by a Newboy.
-
-Though he does not speak, being a great deal too rich, sensible, and
-lazy, he somehow occupies himself with reading blue books, and indeed
-talks a great deal too much good sense of late over his dinner-table,
-where there is always a cover for the present writer.
-
-He falls asleep pretty assiduously too after that meal--a practice which
-I can well pardon in him--for, between ourselves, his wife, Maria
-Newboy, and his sister, Clarissa, are the loveliest and kindest of their
-sex, and I would rather hear their innocent prattle, and lively talk
-about their neighbours, than the best wisdom from the wisest man that
-ever wore a beard.
-
-Like a wise and good man he leaves the question of his household
-entirely to the woman. They like going to the play. They like going to
-Greenwich. They like coming to a party at bachelor’s hall. They are up
-to all sorts of fun, in a word; in which taste the good-natured Newboy
-acquiesces, provided he is left to follow his own.
-
-It was only on the 17th of the month that, having had the honour to dine
-at the house, when, after dinner, which took place at eight, we left
-Newboy to his blue books, and went up stairs and sang a little to the
-guitar afterwards--it was only on the 17th December, the night of Lady
-Sowerby’s party, that the following dialogue took place in the boudoir,
-whither Newboy, blue books in hand, had ascended.
-
-He was curled up with his House of Commons boots on his wife’s
-arm-chair, reading his eternal blue books, when Mrs. N. entered from her
-apartment, dressed for the evening.
-
-[Illustration: THE STREET DOOR KEY.]
-
-_Mrs. N._--Frederic, wont you come?
-
-_Mr. N._--Where?
-
-_Mrs. N._--To Lady Sowerby’s.
-
-_Mr. N._--I’d rather go to the black hole in Calcutta. Besides, this
-Sanitary Report is really the most interesting--[_he begins to read._]
-
-_Mrs. N._ (_piqued_)--Well; Mr. Titmarsh will go with us.
-
-_Mr. N._--Will he? I wish him joy!
-
-At this puncture Miss Clarissa Newboy enters in a pink paletôt, trimmed
-with swansdown--looking like an angel--and we exchange glances of--what
-shall I say?--of sympathy on both parts, and consummate rapture on mine.
-But this is by-play.
-
-_Mrs. N._--Good night, Frederic. I think we shall be late.
-
-_Mr. N._--You won’t wake me, I daresay; and you don’t expect a public
-man to sit up.
-
-_Mrs. N._--It’s not you, it’s the servants. Cocker sleeps very heavily.
-The maids are best in bed, and are all ill with the influenza. I say,
-Frederic dear, don’t you think you had better give me YOUR CHUBB KEY?
-
-This astonishing proposal, which violates every recognised law of
-society--this demand which alters all the existing state of things--this
-fact of a woman asking for a door-key, struck me with a terror which I
-cannot describe, and impressed me with the fact of the vast progress of
-Our Street. The door-key! What would our grandmother, who dwelt in this
-place when it was a rustic suburb, think of its condition now, when
-husbands stay at home, and wives go abroad with the latch-key?
-
-The evening at Lady Sowerby’s was the most delicious we have spent for
-long, long days.
-
-Thus it will be seen that everybody of any consideration in Our Street
-takes a line. Mrs. Minimy (34) takes the homœopathic line, and has
-_soirées_ of doctors of that faith. Lady Pocklington takes the
-capitalist line; and those stupid and splendid dinners of hers are
-devoured by loan-contractors, and railroad princes. Mrs. Trimmer (38)
-comes out in the scientific line, and indulges us in rational evenings,
-where history is the lightest subject admitted, and geology and the
-sanitary condition of the metropolis form the general themes of
-conversation. Mrs. Brumby plays finely on the bassoon, and has evenings
-dedicated to Sebastian Bach, and enlivened with Handel. At Mrs.
-Maskleyn’s they are mad for charades and theatricals.
-
-They performed last Christmas in a French piece, by Alexandre Dumas, I
-believe--“La Duchesse de Montefiasco,” of which I forget the plot, but
-everybody was in love with everybody else’s wife, except the hero, Don
-Alonzo, who was ardently attached to the Duchess, who turned out to be
-his grandmother. The piece was translated by Lord Fiddle-faddle, Tom
-Bulbul
-
-[Illustration: A SCENE OF PASSION.]
-
-being the Don Alonzo; and Mrs. Roland Calidore (who never misses an
-opportunity of acting in a piece in which she can let down her hair) was
-the Duchess.
-
- ALONZO.
-
- You know how well he loves you, and you wonder
- To see Alonzo suffer, Cunegunda?--
- Ask if the chamois suffer when they feel
- Plunged in their panting sides the hunter’s steel?
- Or when the soaring heron or eagle proud,
- Pierced by my shaft, comes tumbling from the cloud,
- Ask if the royal birds no anguish know,
- The victims of Alonzo’s twanging bow?
- Then ask him if he suffers--him who dies,
- Pierced by the poisoned glance that glitters from your eyes!
- [_He staggers from the effect of the poison._
-
- THE DUCHESS.
-
- Alonzo loves--Alonzo loves! and whom?
- His grandmother! O hide me gracious tomb!
- [_Her Grace faints away._
-
-Such acting as Tom Bulbul’s I never saw. Tom lisps atrociously, and
-uttered the passage, “You athk me if I thuffer,” in the most absurd way.
-Miss Clapperclaw says he acted pretty well, and that I only joke about
-him because I am envious, and wanted to act a part myself.--I envious
-indeed!
-
-But of all the assemblies, feastings, junkettings, déjeunes, soirées,
-conversaziones, dinner-parties, in Our Street, I know of none pleasanter
-than the banquets at Tom Fairfax’s; one of which this enormous
-provision-consumer gives seven times a-week. He lives in one of the
-little houses of the old Waddilove Street quarter, built long before
-Pocklington Square and Pocklington Gardens and the Pocklington family
-itself had made their appearance in this world.
-
-Tom, though he has a small income, and lives in a small house, yet sits
-down one of a party of twelve to dinner every day of his life; these
-twelve consisting of Mrs. Fairfax, the nine Misses Fairfax, and Master
-Thomas Fairfax--the son and heir to twopence-halfpenny a-year.
-
-It is awkward just now to go and beg pot-luck from such a family as
-this; because, though a guest is always welcome, we are thirteen at
-table--an unlucky number, it is said. This evil is only temporary, and
-will be remedied presently, when the family will be thirteen _without_
-the occasional guest, to judge from all appearances.
-
-Early in the morning Mrs. Fairfax rises, and cuts bread and butter from
-six o’clock till eight; during which time the nursery operations upon
-the nine little graces are going on. We only see a half dozen of them at
-this present moment, and in the present authentic picture, the remainder
-dwindling off upon little chairs by their mamma.
-
-The two on either side of Fairfax are twins--awarded to him by singular
-good fortune; and he only knows Nancy from Fanny
-
-[Illustration: THE HAPPY FAMILY.]
-
-by having a piece of tape round the former’s arm. There is no need to
-give you the catalogue of the others. She, in the pinafore in front, is
-Elizabeth, goddaughter to Miss Clapperclaw, who has been very kind to
-the whole family; that young lady with the ringlets is engaged by the
-most solemn ties to the present writer, and it is agreed that we are to
-be married as soon as she is as tall as my stick.
-
-If his wife has to rise early to cut the bread and butter, I warrant
-Fairfax must be up betimes to earn it. He is a clerk in a Government
-Office; to which duty he trudges daily, refusing even twopenny
-omnibuses. Every time he goes to the shoemaker’s he has to order eleven
-pairs of shoes, and so can’t afford to spare his own. He teaches the
-children Latin every morning, and is already thinking when Tom shall he
-inducted into that language. He works in his garden for an hour before
-breakfast. His work over by three o’clock, he tramps home at four, and
-exchanges his dapper coat for that dressing-gown in which he appears
-before you,--a ragged but honourable garment in which he stood
-(unconsciously) to the present designer.
-
-Which is the best, his old coat or Sir John’s bran new one? Which is the
-most comfortable and becoming, Mrs. Fairfax’s black velvet gown, (which
-she has worn at the Pocklington Square parties these twelve years, and
-in which I protest she looks like a queen), or that new robe which the
-milliner has has just brought home to Mrs. Bumpsher’s, and into which
-she will squeeze herself on Christmas day?
-
-Miss Clapperclaw says that we are all so charmingly contented with
-ourselves that not one of us would change with his neighbour; and so,
-rich and poor, high and low, one person is about as happy as another in
-Our Street.
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Our Street, by M. A. Titmarsh
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-<pre>
-
-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Our Street, by M. A. Titmarsh
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license
-
-
-Title: Our Street
-
-Author: M. A. Titmarsh
-
-Release Date: January 1, 2020 [EBook #61072]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR STREET ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Charlene Taylor, Chuck Greif and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
-file was produced from images generously made available
-by The Internet Archive)
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-</pre>
-
-<hr class="full" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<a href="images/cover_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="347" height="500" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-</div>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 406px;">
-<a href="images/frontis_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/frontis_sml.jpg" width="406" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>THE SIREN OF OUR STREET.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p class="c">
-<a href="images/titlepage_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/titlepage_sml.jpg"
-height="550"
-alt="“OUR STREET.”
-
-BY
-
-MR. M. A. TITMARSH."
-/></a></p>
-
-<h1>“OUR STREET.”</h1>
-<p class="c">BY
-<br /><br />MR. M. A. TITMARSH.<br /><br />
-LONDON:<br />
-CHAPMAN AND HALL, 186 STRAND.<br />
-MDCCCXLVIII.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_1" id="page_1">{1}</a></span></p>
-
-<h1>OUR STREET.</h1>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/image001.jpg" width="125" alt="" title="" />
-</div>
-
-<p>Our Street, from the little nook which I occupy in it, and whence I and
-a fellow-lodger and friend of mine cynically observe it, presents a
-strange motley scene. We are in a state of transition. We are not as yet
-in the town, and we have left the country where we were when I came to
-lodge with Mrs. Cammysole, my excellent landlady. I then took
-second-floor apartments at No. 17 Waddilove Street, and since, although
-I have never moved (having various little comforts about me), I find
-myself living at No. 46 <small>A</small> Pocklington Gardens.</p>
-
-<p>Why is this? Why am I to pay eighteen shillings instead of fifteen? I
-was quite as happy in Waddilove Street; but the fact is, a great portion
-of that venerable old district has passed away, and we are being
-absorbed into the splendid new white-stuccoed<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_2" id="page_2">{2}</a></span> Doric-porticoed genteel
-Pocklington quarter. Sir Thomas Gibbs Pocklington, M.P. for the borough
-of Lathanplaster, is the founder of the district and his own fortune.
-The Pocklington Estate Office is in the Square, on a line with
-Waddil&mdash;with Pocklington Gardens, I mean. The old inn, the Ram and
-Magpie, where the market-gardeners used to bait, came out this year with
-a new white face and title, the shield, &amp;c. of the Pocklington Arms.
-Such a shield it is! Such quarterings! Howard, Cavendish, De Ros, De la
-Zouche, all mingled together.</p>
-
-<p>Even our house, 46 <small>A</small>, which Mrs. Cammysole has had painted white in
-compliment to the Gardens of which it now forms part, is a sort of
-impostor, and has no business to be called Gardens at all. Mr. Gibbs,
-Sir Thomas’s agent and nephew, is furious at our daring to take the
-title which belongs to our betters. The very next door (No. 46, the
-Honourable Mrs. Mountnoddy) is a house of five stories, shooting up
-proudly into the air, thirty feet above our old high-roofed low-roomed
-old tenement. It belongs to Captain Bragg, not only the landlord but the
-son-in-law of Mrs. Cammysole, who lives a couple of hundred yards down
-the street, at “The Bungalow.” He was the Commander of the Ram Chunder
-East Indiaman, and has quarrelled with the Pocklingtons ever since he
-bought houses in the parish.</p>
-
-<p>He it is who will not sell or alter his houses to suit the spirit<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_3" id="page_3">{3}</a></span> of
-the times. He it is who, though he made the widow Cammysole change the
-name of her street, will not pull down the house next door, nor the
-baker’s next, nor the iron-bedstead and feather warehouse ensuing, nor
-the little barber’s with the pole, nor, I am ashamed to say, the tripe
-shop, still standing. The barber powders the heads of the great footmen
-from Pocklington Gardens; they are so big that they can scarcely sit in
-his little premises. And the old tavern, The East Indiaman, is kept by
-Bragg’s ship steward, and protests against the Pocklington Arms.</p>
-
-<p>Down the road is Pocklington Chapel, Rev. Oldham Slocum&mdash;in brick, with
-arched windows and a wooden belfry; sober, dingy, and hideous. In the
-centre of Pocklington Gardens rises St. Waltheof’s, the Rev. Cyril
-Thuryfer and assistants&mdash;a splendid Anglo-Norman edifice, vast, rich,
-elaborate, bran new, and intensely old. Down Avemary Lane you may hear
-the clink of the little Romish Chapel bell. And hard by is a large
-broad-shouldered Ebenezer (Rev. Jonas Gronow), out of the windows of
-which the hymns come booming all Sunday long.</p>
-
-<p>Going westward along the line we come presently to Comandine House (on a
-part of the gardens of which Comandine Gardens is about to be erected by
-his lordship); farther on, “The Pineries,” Mr. and Lady Mary Mango; and
-so we get into the country, and out of Our Street altogether, as I may
-say. But in the half mile, over which it may be said to extend, we find
-all<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_4" id="page_4">{4}</a></span> sorts and conditions of people&mdash;from the Right Honourable Lord
-Comandine down to the present topographer; who, being of no rank, as it
-were, has the fortune to be treated on almost friendly footing by all,
-from his lordship down to the tradesman.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_5" id="page_5">{5}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="OUR_HOUSE_IN_OUR_STREET" id="OUR_HOUSE_IN_OUR_STREET"></a>OUR HOUSE IN OUR STREET.</h2>
-
-<p>We must begin our little descriptions where, they say, Charity should
-begin&mdash;at home. Mrs. Cammysole, my landlady, will be rather surprised
-when she reads this, and finds that a good-natured tenant, who has never
-complained of her impositions for fifteen years, understands every one
-of her tricks, and treats them, not with anger, but with scorn&mdash;with
-silent scorn.</p>
-
-<p>On the 18th of December, 1837, for instance, coming gently down stairs,
-and before my usual wont, I saw you seated in my arm-chair, peeping into
-a letter that came from my aunt in the country, just as if it had been
-addressed to you, and not to “M. A. Titmarsh, Esq.” Did I make any
-disturbance? far from it; I slunk back to my bed-room (being enabled to
-walk silently in the beautiful pair of worsted slippers Miss Penelope
-J&mdash;&mdash;s worked for me; they are worn out now, dear Penelope!), and then,
-rattling open the door with a great noise, descended the stairs, singing
-“<i>Son vergin vezzosa</i>” at the top of my voice. You were not in my
-sitting-room, Mrs. Cammysole, when I entered that apartment.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_6" id="page_6">{6}</a></span></p>
-
-<p>You have been reading all my letters, papers, manuscripts, <i>brouillons</i>
-of verses, inchoate articles for the <i>Morning Post</i> and <i>Morning
-Chronicle</i>, invitations to dinner and tea&mdash;all my family letters, all
-Eliza Townley’s letters, from the first, in which she declared that to
-be the bride of her beloved Michelagnolo was the fondest wish of her
-maiden heart, to the last, in which she announced that her Thomas was
-the best of husbands, and signed herself “Eliza Slogger;” all Mary
-Farmer’s letters, all Emily Delamere’s; all that poor foolish old Miss
-MacWhirter’s, whom I would as soon marry as&mdash;&mdash;; in a word, I know that
-you, you hawk-beaked, keen-eyed, sleepless, indefatigable, old Mrs.
-Cammysole, have read all my papers for these ten years.</p>
-
-<p>I know that you cast your curious old eyes over all the manuscripts
-which you find in my coat pockets and those of my pantaloons, as they
-hang in a drapery over the door-handle of my bed-room.</p>
-
-<p>I know that you count the money in my green and gold purse, which Lucy
-Netterville gave me, and speculate on the manner in which I have laid
-out the difference between to-day and yesterday.</p>
-
-<p>I know that you have an understanding with the laundress (to whom you
-say that you are all-powerful with me), threatening to take away my
-practice from her, unless she gets up gratis some of your fine linen.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_7" id="page_7">{7}</a></span></p>
-
-<p>I know that we both have a pennyworth of cream for breakfast, which is
-brought in in the same little can; and I know who has the most for her
-share.</p>
-
-<p>I know how many lumps of sugar you take from each pound as it arrives. I
-have counted the lumps, you old thief, and for years have never said a
-word, except to Miss Clapperclaw, the first-floor lodger. Once I put a
-bottle of pale brandy into that cupboard, of which you and I only have
-keys, and the liquor wasted and wasted away, until it was all gone. You
-drank the whole of it, you wicked old woman. You a lady, indeed!</p>
-
-<p>I know your rage when they did me the honour to elect me a member of the
-Poluphloisboiothalasses Club, and I ceased consequently to dine at home.
-When I <i>did</i> dine at home, on a beefsteak, let us say, I should like to
-know what you had for supper? You first amputated portions of the meat
-when raw; you abstracted more when cooked. Do you think <i>I</i> was taken in
-by your flimsy pretences? I wonder how you could dare to do such things
-before your maids (you, a clergyman’s daughter and widow, indeed!), whom
-you yourself were always charging with roguery.</p>
-
-<p>Yes, the insolence of the old woman is unbearable, and I must break out
-at last. If she goes off in a fit at reading this, I am sure I shan’t
-mind. She has two unhappy wenches, against whom her old tongue is
-clacking from morning till night;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_8" id="page_8">{8}</a></span> she pounces on them at all hours. It
-was but this morning at eight, when poor Molly was brooming the steps,
-and the baker paying her by no means unmerited compliments, that my
-landlady came whirling out of the ground-floor front, and sent the poor
-girl whimpering into the kitchen.</p>
-
-<p>Were it but for her conduct to her maids I was determined publicly to
-denounce her. These poor wretches she causes to lead the lives of
-demons; and not content with bullying them all day, she sleeps at night
-in the same room with them, so that she may have them up before
-daybreak, and scold them while they are dressing.</p>
-
-<p>Certain it is, that between her and Miss Clapperclaw, on the first
-floor, the poor wenches led a dismal life. My dear Miss Clapperclaw, I
-hope you will excuse me for having placed you in the title-page of my
-little book, looking out of your accustomed window, and having your
-eye-glasses ready to spy the whole street, which you know better than
-any inhabitant of it.</p>
-
-<p>It is to you that I owe most of my knowledge of our neighbours; from you
-it is that most of the facts and observations contained in these brief
-pages are taken. Many a night, over our tea, have we talked amiably
-about our neighbours and their little failings; and as I know that you
-speak of mine pretty freely, why let me say, my dear Bessy, that if we
-have not built up Our Street between us, at least we have pulled it to
-pieces.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 397px;">
-<a href="images/facing008_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing008_sml.jpg" width="397" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>A STREET COURTSHIP.</p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
-<span class="i0"><i>Baker.</i> How them curl papers do become you, Miss Molly.<br /></span>
-<span class="i0"><i>Miss Molly.</i> Git ’long now, Baker, do.<br /></span>
-</div></div>
-</div>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_9" id="page_9">{9}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="THE_BUNGALOW_CAPTAIN_AND_MRS_BRAGG" id="THE_BUNGALOW_CAPTAIN_AND_MRS_BRAGG"></a>THE BUNGALOW&mdash;CAPTAIN AND MRS. BRAGG.</h2>
-
-<p>Long, long ago, when Our Street was the country&mdash;a stagecoach between us
-and London passing four times a-day&mdash;I do not care to own that it was a
-sight of Flora Cammysole’s face, under the card of her mamma’s “Lodgings
-to Let,” which first caused me to become a tenant of Our Street. A fine
-good-humoured lass she was then; and I gave her lessons (part out of the
-rent) in French and flower-painting. She has made a fine rich marriage
-since, although her eyes have often seemed to me to say, “Ah, Mr. T.,
-why didn’t you, when there was yet time, and we both of us were free,
-propose&mdash;you know what?” “Psha! Where was the money, my dear madam?”</p>
-
-<p>Captain Bragg, then occupied in building Bungalow Lodge&mdash;Bragg, I say,
-living on the first floor, and entertaining sea-captains, merchants, and
-East Indian friends with his grand ship’s plate, being disappointed in a
-project of marrying a director’s daughter, who was also a second-cousin
-once removed of a peer, sent in a fury for Mrs. Cammysole, his landlady,
-and proposed to marry Flora off-hand, and settle four hundred a-year<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_10" id="page_10">{10}</a></span>
-upon her. Flora was ordered from the back parlour (the Ground-floor
-occupies the Second-floor bed-room), and was on the spot made acquainted
-with the splendid offer which the First-floor had made her. She has been
-Mrs. Captain Bragg these twelve years.</p>
-
-<p>You see her portrait, and that of the brute, her husband, on the
-opposite side of the page.</p>
-
-<p>Bragg to this day wears anchor-buttons, and has a dress-coat with a gold
-strap for epaulets, in case he should have a fancy to sport them. His
-house is covered with portraits, busts, and miniatures of himself. His
-wife is made to wear one of the latter. On his sideboard are pieces of
-plate, presented by the passengers of the Ram Chunder to Captain Bragg.
-“The Ram Chunder East Indiaman, in a gale, off Table Bay;” “The
-Outward-bound Fleet, under convoy of Her Majesty’s frigate Loblollyboy,
-Captain Gutch, beating off the French squadron, under Commodore Leloup
-(the Ram Chunder, S.E. by E., is represented engaged with the Mirliton
-corvette);” “The Ram Chunder standing into the Hooghly, with Captain
-Bragg, his telescope, and speaking-trumpet, on the poop;” “Captain Bragg
-presenting the Officers of the Ram Chunder to General Bonaparte at St.
-Helena”&mdash;<span class="smcap">Titmarsh</span> (this fine piece was painted by me when I was in
-favour with Bragg); in a word, Bragg and the Ram Chunder are all over
-the house.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 409px;">
-<a href="images/facing010_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing010_sml.jpg" width="409" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>CAPTAIN AND MRS. BRAGG OF OUR STREET.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_11" id="page_11">{11}</a></span></p>
-
-<p>Although I have eaten scores of dinners at Captain Bragg’s charge, yet
-his hospitality is so insolent that none of us who frequent his
-mahogany, feel any obligation to our braggart entertainer.</p>
-
-<p>After he has given one of his great heavy dinners he always takes an
-opportunity to tell you, in the most public way, how many bottles of
-wine were drunk. His pleasure is to make his guests tipsy, and to tell
-everybody how and when the period of inebriation arose. And Miss
-Clapperclaw tells me that he often comes over laughing and giggling to
-her, and pretending that he has brought <i>me</i> into this condition&mdash;a
-calumny which I fling contemptuously in his face.</p>
-
-<p>He scarcely gives any but men’s parties, and invites the whole club home
-to dinner. What is the compliment of being asked, when the whole club is
-asked too, I should like to know? Men’s parties are only good for boys.
-I hate a dinner where there are no women. Bragg sits at the head of his
-table, and bullies the solitary Mrs. Bragg.</p>
-
-<p>He entertains us with stories of storms which he, Bragg, encountered&mdash;of
-dinners which he, Bragg, has received from the Governor-General of
-India&mdash;of jokes which he, Bragg, has heard; and however stale or odious
-they may be, poor Mrs. B. is always expected to laugh.</p>
-
-<p>Woe be to her if she doesn’t, or if she laughs at anybody<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_12" id="page_12">{12}</a></span> else’s jokes.
-I have seen Bragg go up to her and squeeze her arm with a savage grind
-of his teeth, and say, with an oath, “Hang it, madam, how dare you laugh
-when any man but your husband speaks to you? I forbid you to grin in
-that way. I forbid you to look sulky. I forbid you to look happy, or to
-look up, or to keep your eyes down to the ground. I desire you will not
-be trapesing through the rooms. I order you not to sit as still as a
-stone.” He curses her if the wine is corked, or if the dinner is
-spoiled, or if she comes a minute too soon to the club for him, or
-arrives a minute too late. He forbids her to walk, except upon his arm.
-And the consequence of his ill-treatment is, that Mrs. Cammysole and
-Mrs. Bragg respect him beyond measure, and think him the first of human
-beings.</p>
-
-<p>“I never knew a woman who was constantly bullied by her husband who did
-not like him the better for it,” Miss Clapperclaw says. And though this
-speech has some of Clapp’s usual sardonic humour in it, I can’t but
-think there is some truth in the remark.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 408px;">
-<a href="images/facing013_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing013_sml.jpg" width="408" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>A STUDIO IN OUR STREET.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_13" id="page_13">{13}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="LEVANT_HOUSE_CHAMBERS" id="LEVANT_HOUSE_CHAMBERS"></a>LEVANT HOUSE CHAMBERS.<br /><br />
-MR. RUMBOLD, A.R.A., AND MISS RUMBOLD.</h2>
-
-<p>When Lord Levant quitted the country and this neighbourhood, in which
-the tradesmen still deplore him, No. 56, known as Levantine House, was
-let to the Pococurante Club, which was speedily bankrupt (for we are too
-far from the centre of town to support a club of our own); it was
-subsequently hired by the West Diddlesex Railroad; and is now divided
-into sets of Chambers, superintended by an acrimonious housekeeper, and
-by a porter in a sham livery, who, if you won’t find him at the door,
-you may as well seek at the Grapes public-house, in the little lane
-round the corner. He varnishes the japan-boots of the dandy lodgers;
-reads Mr. Pinkney’s <i>Morning Post</i> before he lets him have it; and
-neglects the letters of the inmates of the Chambers generally.</p>
-
-<p>The great rooms, which were occupied as the salons of the noble Levant,
-the coffee-rooms of the Pococurante (a club where the play was furious,
-as I am told), and the board-room and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_14" id="page_14">{14}</a></span> manager’s-room of the West
-Diddlesex, are tenanted now by a couple of artists; young Pinkney the
-miniaturist, and George Rumbold the historical-painter. Miss Rumbold,
-his sister, lives with him, by the way; but with that young lady of
-course we have nothing to do.</p>
-
-<p>I knew both these gentlemen at Rome, when George wore a velvet doublet
-and a beard down to his chest, and used to talk about high art at the
-Café Greco. How it smelled of smoke, that velveteen doublet of his, with
-which his stringy red beard was likewise perfumed! It was in his studio
-that I had the honour to be introduced to his sister, the fair Miss
-Clara; she had a large casque with a red horse-hair plume (I thought it
-had been a wisp of her brother’s beard at first), and held a tin-headed
-spear in her hand, representing a Roman warrior in the great picture of
-Caractacus George was painting&mdash;a piece sixty-four feet by eighteen. The
-Roman warrior blushed to be discovered in that attitude: the tin-headed
-spear trembled in the whitest arm in the world. So she put it down, and
-taking off the helmet also, went and sat in a far corner of the studio,
-mending George’s stockings; whilst we smoked a couple of pipes, and
-talked about Raphael being a good deal overrated.</p>
-
-<p>I think he is; and have never disguised my opinion about the
-“Transfiguration.” And all the time we talked, there were Clara’s eyes
-looking lucidly out from the dark corner in which<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_15" id="page_15">{15}</a></span> she was sitting,
-working away at the stockings. The lucky fellow! They were in a dreadful
-state of bad repair when she came out to him at Rome, after the death of
-their father, the Reverend Miles Rumbold.</p>
-
-<p>George while at Rome painted “Caractacus;” a picture of “Non Angli sed
-Angeli,” of course; a picture of “Alfred in the Neat-herd’s Cottage,”
-seventy-two feet by forty-eight; (an idea of the gigantic size and
-Michael-Angelesque proportions of this picture may be formed, when I
-state that the mere muffin, of which the outcast king is spoiling the
-baking, is two feet three in diameter); and the deaths of Socrates, of
-Remus, and of the Christians under Nero respectively. I shall never
-forget how lovely Clara looked in white muslin, with her hair down, in
-this latter picture, giving herself up to a ferocious Carnifex (for
-which Bob Gaunter the architect sat), and refusing to listen to the mild
-suggestions of an insinuating Flamen; which character was a gross
-caricature of myself.</p>
-
-<p>None of George’s pictures sold. He has enough to tapestry Trafalgar
-Square. He has painted since he came back to England “The flaying of
-Marsyas;” “The smothering of the little boys in the Tower;” “A plague
-scene during the great pestilence;” “Ugolino on the seventh day after he
-was deprived of victuals,” &amp;c. For although these pictures have great
-merit, and the writhings of Marsyas, the convulsions of the little<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_16" id="page_16">{16}</a></span>
-prince, the look of agony of St. Lawrence on the gridiron, &amp;c., are
-quite true to nature, yet the subjects somehow are not agreeable; and if
-he hadn’t a small patrimony, my friend George would starve.</p>
-
-<p>Fondness for art leads me a great deal to this studio. George is a
-gentleman, and has very good friends, and good pluck too. When we were
-at Rome there was a great row between him and young Heeltap, Lord
-Boxmoor’s son, who was uncivil to Miss Rumbold; (the young
-scoundrel&mdash;had I been a fighting man I should like to have shot him
-myself!) Lady Betty Bulbul is very fond of Clara, and Tom Bulbul, who
-took George’s message to Heeltap, is always hanging about the studio. At
-least I know that I find the young jackanapes there almost every day;
-bringing a new novel, or some poisonous French poetry, or a basket of
-flowers, or grapes, with Lady Betty’s love to her dear Clara&mdash;a young
-rascal with white kids, and his hair curled every morning. What business
-has <i>he</i> to be dangling about George Rumbold’s premises, and sticking up
-his ugly pug-face as a model for all George’s pictures?</p>
-
-<p>Miss Clapperclaw says Bulbul is evidently smitten, and Clara too. What!
-would she put up with such a little fribble as that, when there is a man
-of intellect and taste who&mdash;but I won’t believe it. It is all the
-jealousy of women.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 403px;">
-<a href="images/facing017_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing017_sml.jpg" width="403" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>SOME OF OUR GENTLEMEN.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_17" id="page_17">{17}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="SOME_OF_THE_SERVANTS_IN_OUR_STREET" id="SOME_OF_THE_SERVANTS_IN_OUR_STREET"></a>SOME OF THE SERVANTS IN OUR STREET.</h2>
-
-<p>These gentlemen have two clubs in our quarter&mdash;for the butlers at the
-Indiaman, and for the gents in livery at the Paddington Arms&mdash;of either
-of which societies I should like to be a member. I am sure they could
-not be so dull as Our Club at the Poluphloisboio, where one meets the
-same neat clean respectable old fogies every day.</p>
-
-<p>But with the best wishes, it is impossible for the present writer to
-join either the Plate Club or the Uniform Club (as these <i>réunions</i> are
-designated), for one could not shake hands with a friend who was
-standing behind your chair&mdash;or nod a how-dye-do to the batter who was
-pouring you out a glass of wine;&mdash;so that what I know about the gents in
-our neighbourhood is from mere casual observation. For instance, I have
-a slight acquaintance with, 1, Thomas Spavin, who commonly wears the
-above air of injured innocence, and is groom to Mr. Joseph Green, of Our
-Street. “<i>I</i> tell why the Brougham oss is out of condition, and why
-Desperation broke out all in a lather! Osses will this eavy weather;
-and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_18" id="page_18">{18}</a></span> Desperation was always the most mystest hoss I ever see.&mdash;<i>I</i> take
-him out with Mr. Anderson’s ounds&mdash;I’m above it. I allis was too timid
-to ride to ounds by natur; and Colonel Sprigs’ groom as says he saw me,
-is a liar,” &amp;c., &amp;c.</p>
-
-<p>Such is the tenor of Mr. Spavin’s remarks to his master. Whereas all the
-world in Our Street knows that Mr. Spavin spends at least a hundred
-a-year in beer; that he keeps a betting-book; that he has lent Mr.
-Green’s black Brougham horse to the omnibus driver; and at a time when
-Mr. G. supposed him at the veterinary surgeon’s, has lent him to a
-livery stable, which has let him out to that gentleman himself, and
-actually driven him to dinner behind his own horse.</p>
-
-<p>This conduct I can understand, but I cannot excuse&mdash;Mr. Spavin may; and
-I leave the matter to be settled betwixt himself and Mr. Green.</p>
-
-<p>The second is Monsieur Sinbad, Mr. Clarence Bulbul’s man, whom we all
-hate Clarence for keeping.</p>
-
-<p>Mr. Sinbad is a foreigner, speaking no known language, but a mixture of
-every European dialect&mdash;so that he may be an Italian brigand, or a
-Tyrolese minstrel, or a Spanish smuggler, for what we know. I have heard
-say that he is neither of these, but an Irish Jew.</p>
-
-<p>He wears studs, hair-oil, jewellery, and linen shirt fronts, very finely
-embroidered but not particular for whiteness. He generally<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_19" id="page_19">{19}</a></span> appears in
-faded velvet waistcoats of a morning, and is always perfumed with stale
-tobacco. He wears large rings on his hands, which look as if he kept
-them up the chimney.</p>
-
-<p>He does not appear to do anything earthly for Clarence Bulbul, except to
-smoke his cigars, and to practise on his guitar. He will not answer a
-bell, nor fetch a glass of water, nor go of an errand, on which, <i>au
-reste</i>, Clarence dares not send him, being entirely afraid of his
-servant, and not daring to use him, or to abuse him, or to send him
-away.</p>
-
-<p>3. Adams&mdash;Mr. Champignon’s man&mdash;a good old man in an old livery coat
-with old worsted lace&mdash;so very old, deaf, surly, and faithful, that you
-wonder how he should have got into the family at all, who never kept a
-footman till last year, when they came into the street.</p>
-
-<p>Miss Clapperclaw says she believes Adams to be Mrs. Champignon’s father,
-and he certainly has a look of that lady, as Miss C. pointed out to me
-at dinner one night, whilst old Adams was blundering about amongst the
-hired men from Gunter’s, and falling over the silver dishes.</p>
-
-<p>4. Fipps, the buttoniest page in all the street, walks behind Mrs.
-Grimsby with her prayer-book, and protects her.</p>
-
-<p>“If that woman wants a protector” (a female acquaintance remarks),
-“Heaven be good to us&mdash;she is as big as an ogress, and has an upper lip
-which many a Cornet of the Life Guards might<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_20" id="page_20">{20}</a></span> envy. Her poor dear
-husband was a big man, and she could beat him easily, and did too. Mrs.
-Grimsby, indeed! Why, my dear Mr. Titmarsh, it is Glumdalca walking with
-Tom Thumb.”</p>
-
-<p>This observation of Miss C.’s is very true, and Mrs. Grimsby might carry
-her prayer-book to church herself. But Miss Clapperclaw, who is pretty
-well able to take care of herself too, was glad enough to have the
-protection of the page when she went out in the fly to pay visits: and
-before Mrs. Grimsby and she quarrelled at whist at Lady Pocklington’s.</p>
-
-<p>After this merely parenthetic observation, we come to 4, one of her
-ladyship’s large men, Mr. Jeames&mdash;a gentleman of vast stature and
-proportions, who is almost nose to nose with us as we pass her
-ladyship’s door on the outside of the omnibus. I think Jeames has a
-contempt for a man whom he witnesses in that position. I have fancied
-something like that feeling showed itself (as far as it may in a
-well-bred gentleman accustomed to society) in his behaviour, while
-waiting behind my chair at dinner.</p>
-
-<p>But I take Jeames to be, like most giants, good-natured, lazy, stupid,
-soft-hearted, and extremely fond of drink. One night, his lady being
-engaged to dinner at Nightingale House, I saw Mr. Jeames resting himself
-on a bench at the Pocklington Arms: where, as he had no liquor before
-him, he had probably exhausted his credit.</p>
-
-<p>Little Spitfire, Mr. Clarence Bulbul’s boy, the wickedest little varlet
-that ever hung on to a cab, was “chaffing” Mr. Jeames,</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 403px;">
-<a href="images/facing021_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing021_sml.jpg" width="403" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>WHY OUR NURSEMAIDS LIKE KENSINGTON GARDENS.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_21" id="page_21">{21}</a></span></p>
-
-<p class="nind">holding up to his face a pot of porter almost as big as the young
-potifer himself.</p>
-
-<p>“Vill you now, Bigun, or vont you?” Spitfire said; “if you’re thursty,
-vy dont you say so and squench it, old boy?”</p>
-
-<p>“Dont ago on makin fun of me&mdash;I can’t abear chaffin,” was the reply of
-Mr. Jeames, and tears actually stood in his fine eyes, as he looked at
-the porter and the screeching little imp before him.</p>
-
-<p>Spitfire (real name unknown) gave him some of the drink: I am happy to
-say Jeames’s face wove quite a different look when it rose gasping out
-of the porter; and I judge of his dispositions from the above trivial
-incident.</p>
-
-<p>The last boy in the sketch, 6, need scarcely be particularized. Doctor’s
-boy; was a charity boy; stripes evidently added on to a pair of the
-doctor’s clothes of last year&mdash;Miss Clapperclaw pointed this out to me
-with a giggle.&mdash;Nothing escapes that old woman.</p>
-
-<p>As we were walking in Kensington Gardens she pointed me out Mrs. Braggs
-nursery-maid, who sings so loud at church, engaged with a Life
-Guardsman, whom she was trying to convert probably. My virtuous friend
-rose indignant at the sight.</p>
-
-<p>“That’s why these minxes like Kensington Gardens,” she cried. “Look at
-the woman: she leaves the baby on the grass, for the giant to trample
-upon; and that little wretch of a Hastings Bragg is riding on the
-monster’s cane.”</p>
-
-<p>Miss C. flew up and seized the infant, waking it out of its sleep,<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_22" id="page_22">{22}</a></span> and
-causing all the gardens to echo with its squalling. “I’ll teach you to
-be impudent to me,” she said to the nursery-maid, with whom my vivacious
-old friend, I suppose, has had a difference; and she would not release
-the infant until she had rung the bell of Bungalow Lodge, where she gave
-it up to the footman.</p>
-
-<p>The giant in scarlet had slunk down toward Knightsbridge meanwhile. The
-big rogues are always crossing the Park and the Gardens, and hankering
-about Our Street.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 396px;">
-<a href="images/facing023_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing023_sml.jpg" width="396" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>A STREET CEREMONY.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_23" id="page_23">{23}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="WHAT_SOMETIMES_HAPPENS_IN_OUR_STREET" id="WHAT_SOMETIMES_HAPPENS_IN_OUR_STREET"></a>WHAT SOMETIMES HAPPENS IN OUR STREET.</h2>
-
-<p>It was before old Hunkington’s house that the mutes were standing, as I
-passed and saw this group at the door. The charity-boy with the hoop is
-the son of the jolly-looking mute; he admires his father, who admires
-himself too, in those bran-new, sables. The other infants are the spawn
-of the alleys about Our Street. Only the parson and the typhus fever
-visit those mysterious haunts, which lie couched about our splendid
-houses like Lazarus at the threshold of Dives.</p>
-
-<p>Those little ones come crawling abroad in the sunshine, to the annoyance
-of the beadles, and the horror of a number of good people in the street.
-They will bring up the rear of the procession anon, when the grand
-omnibus with the feathers, and the fine coaches with the long-tailed
-black horses, and the gentlemen’s private carriages with the shutters
-up, pass along to Saint Waltheof’s.</p>
-
-<p>You can hear the slow bell tolling clear in the sunshine already,
-mingling with the crowing of Punch, who is passing down<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_24" id="page_24">{24}</a></span> the street with
-his show; and the two musics make a queer medley.</p>
-
-<p>Not near so many people, I remark, engage Punch now as in the good old
-times. I suppose our quarter is growing too genteel for him.</p>
-
-<p>Miss Bridget Jones, a poor curate’s daughter in Wales, comes into all
-Hunkington’s property, and will take his name, as I am told. Nobody ever
-heard of her before. I am sure Captain Hunkington, and his brother
-Barnwell Hunkington, must wish that the lucky young lady had never been
-heard of to the present day.</p>
-
-<p>But they will have the consolation of thinking that they did their duty
-by their uncle, and consoled his declining years. It was but last month
-that Millwood Hunkington (the Captain) sent the old gentleman a service
-of plate; and Mrs. Barnwell got a reclining carriage at a great expense,
-from Hobbs and Dobbs’s, in which the old gentleman went out only once.</p>
-
-<p>“It is a punishment on those Hunkingtons,” Miss Clapperclaw remarks;
-“upon those people who have been always living beyond their little
-incomes, and always speculating upon what the old man would leave them,
-and always coaxing him with presents which they could not afford, and he
-did not want. It is a punishment upon those Hunkingtons to be so
-disappointed.”</p>
-
-<p>“Think of giving him plate,” Miss C. justly says, “who<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_25" id="page_25">{25}</a></span> had chests-full;
-and sending him a carriage, who could afford to buy all Long Acre. And
-everything goes to Miss Jones Hunkington. I wonder will she give the
-things back?” Miss Clapperclaw asks. “I wouldn’t.”</p>
-
-<p>And indeed I don’t think Miss Clapperclaw would.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_26" id="page_26">{26}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="SOMEBODY_WHOM_NOBODY_KNOWS" id="SOMEBODY_WHOM_NOBODY_KNOWS"></a>SOMEBODY WHOM NOBODY KNOWS.</h2>
-
-<p>That pretty little house, the last in Pocklington Square, was lately
-occupied by a young widow lady who wore a pink bonnet, a short silk
-dress, sustained by crinoline, and a light blue mantle, or over-jacket
-(Miss C. is not here to tell me the name of the garment); or else a
-black velvet pelisse, a yellow shawl, and a white bonnet; or else&mdash;but
-never mind the dress, which seemed to be of the handsomest sort money
-could buy&mdash;and who had very long glossy black ringlets, and a peculiarly
-brilliant complexion,&mdash;No. 96 Pocklington Square, I say, was lately
-occupied by a widow lady named Mrs. Stafford Molyneux.</p>
-
-<p>The very first day on which an intimate and valued female friend of mine
-saw Mrs. Stafford Molyneux stepping into a Brougham, with a splendid bay
-horse, and without a footman (mark, if you please, that delicate sign of
-respectability), and after a moment’s examination of Mrs. S. M.’s
-toilette, her manners, little dog, carnation-coloured parasol, &amp;c., Miss
-Elizabeth Clapperclaw clapped to the opera-glass with which she had been
-regarding the new inhabitant of Our Street, came away from the window in
-a<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_27" id="page_27">{27}</a></span> great flurry, and began poking her fire in a fit of virtuous
-indignation.</p>
-
-<p>“She’s very pretty,” said I, who had been looking over Miss C.’s
-shoulder at the widow with the flashing eyes and drooping ringlets.</p>
-
-<p>“Hold your tongue, sir,” said Miss Clapperclaw, tossing up her virgin
-head with an indignant blush on her nose. “It’s a sin and a shame that
-such a creature should be riding in her carriage, forsooth, when honest
-people must go on foot.”</p>
-
-<p>Subsequent observations confirmed my revered fellow-lodger’s anger and
-opinion. We have watched Hansom cabs standing before that lady’s house
-for hours; we have seen Broughams, with great flaring eyes, keeping
-watch there in the darkness; we have seen the vans from the <i>comestible</i>
-shops drive up and discharge loads of wines, groceries, French plums,
-and other articles of luxurious horror. We have seen Count Wowski’s
-drag, Lord Martingale’s carriage, Mr. Deuceace’s cab drive up there time
-after time; and (having remarked previously the pastry-cook’s men arrive
-with the trays and <i>entrées</i>) we have known that this widow was giving
-dinners at the little house in Pocklington Square&mdash;dinners such as
-decent people could not hope to enjoy.</p>
-
-<p>My excellent friend has been in a perfect fury when Mrs. Stafford
-Molyneux, in a black velvet riding-habit, with a hat<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_28" id="page_28">{28}</a></span> and feather, has
-come out and mounted an odious grey horse, and has cantered down the
-street, followed by her groom upon a bay.</p>
-
-<p>“It won’t last long&mdash;it must end in shame and humiliation,” my dear Miss
-C. has remarked, disappointed that the tiles and chimney-pots did not
-fall down upon Mrs. Stafford Molyneux’s head, and crush that cantering
-audacious woman.</p>
-
-<p>But it was a consolation to see her when she walked out with a French
-maid, a couple of children, and a little dog hanging on to her by a blue
-ribbon. She always held down her head then&mdash;her head with the drooping
-black ringlets. The virtuous and well-disposed avoided her. I have seen
-the Square-keeper himself look puzzled as she passed; and Lady
-Kicklebury walking by with Miss K., her daughter, turn away from Mrs.
-Stafford Molyneux, and fling back at her a ruthless Parthian glance that
-ought to have killed any woman of decent sensibility.</p>
-
-<p>That wretched woman, meanwhile, with her rouged cheeks (for rouge it
-<i>is</i>, Miss Clapperclaw swears, and who is a better judge?) has walked on
-conscious, and yet somehow braving out the Street. You could read pride
-of her beauty, pride of her fine clothes, shame of her position, in her
-downcast black eyes.</p>
-
-<p>As for Mademoiselle Trampoline, her French maid, she would stare the sun
-itself out of countenance. One day she tossed up her head as she passed
-under our windows with a look</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 406px;">
-<a href="images/facing028_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing028_sml.jpg" width="406" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>THE LADY WHOM NOBODY KNOWS.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_29" id="page_29">{29}</a></span></p>
-
-<p class="nind">of scorn that drove Miss Clapperclaw back to the fire-place again.</p>
-
-<p>It was Mrs. Stafford Molyneux’s children, however, whom I pitied the
-most. Once her boy, in a flaring tartan, went up to speak to Master
-Roderick Lacy, whose maid was engaged ogling a policeman; and the
-children were going to make friends, being united with a hoop which
-Master Molyneux had, when Master Roderick’s maid, rushing up, clutched
-her charge to her arms, and hurried away, leaving little Molyneux sad
-and wondering.</p>
-
-<p>“Why won’t he play with me, mamma?” Master Molyneux asked&mdash;and his
-mother’s face blushed purple as she walked away.</p>
-
-<p>“Ah&mdash;Heaven help us and forgive us!” said I; but Miss C. can never
-forgive the mother or child; and she clapped her hands for joy one day
-when we saw the shutters up, bills in the windows, a carpet hanging out
-over the balcony, and a crowd of shabby Jews about the steps&mdash;giving
-token that the reign of Mrs. Stafford Molyneux was over. The
-pastry-cooks and their trays, the bay and the grey, the Brougham and the
-groom, the noblemen and their cabs, were all gone; and the tradesmen in
-the neighbourhood were crying out that they were done.</p>
-
-<p>“Serve the odious minx right!” says Miss C.; and she<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_30" id="page_30">{30}</a></span> played at picquet
-that night with more vigour than I have known her manifest for these
-last ten years.</p>
-
-<p>What is it that makes certain old ladies so savage upon certain
-subjects? Miss C. is a good woman; pays her rent and her tradesmen;
-gives plenty to the poor; is brisk with her tongue&mdash;kind-hearted in the
-main; but if Mrs. Stafford Molyneux and her children were plunged into a
-cauldron of boiling vinegar, I think my revered friend would not take
-her out.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_31" id="page_31">{31}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="THE_MAN_IN_POSSESSION" id="THE_MAN_IN_POSSESSION"></a>THE MAN IN POSSESSION.</h2>
-
-<p>For another misfortune which occurred in Our Street we were much more
-compassionate. We liked Danby Dixon, and his wife Fanny Dixon still
-more. Miss C. had a paper of biscuits, and a box of preserved apricots
-always in the cupboard, ready for Dixon’s children&mdash;provisions by the
-way which she locked up under Mrs. Cammysole’s nose, so that our
-landlady could by no possibility lay a hand on them.</p>
-
-<p>Dixon and his wife had the neatest little house possible (No. 16,
-opposite 96), and were liked and respected by the whole street. He was
-called Dandy Dixon when he was in the Dragoons, and was a light weight,
-and rather famous as a gentleman rider. On his marriage, he sold out and
-got fat; and was indeed a florid, contented, and jovial gentleman.</p>
-
-<p>His little wife was charming&mdash;to see her in pink, with some miniature
-Dixons in pink too, round about her, or in that beautiful grey dress,
-with the deep black lace flounces, which she wore at my Lord Comandine’s
-on the night of the private<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_32" id="page_32">{32}</a></span> theatricals, would have done any man good.
-To hear her sing any of my little ballads, “Know’st thou the
-Willow-tree?” for instance, or “The Rose upon my balcony,” or “The
-Humming of the Honey-bee” (far superior, in <i>my</i> judgment, and in that
-of <i>some good judges</i> likewise, to that humbug Clarence Bulbul’s
-ballads)&mdash;to hear her, I say, sing these, was to be in a sort of small
-Elysium. Dear, dear, little Fanny Dixon! she was like a little chirping
-bird of Paradise. It was a shame that storms should ever ruffle such a
-tender plumage.</p>
-
-<p>Well, never mind about sentiment.&mdash;Danby Dixon, the owner of this little
-treasure, an ex-captain of dragoons, and having nothing to do, and a
-small income, wisely thought he would employ his spare time, and
-increase his revenue. He became a Director of the Cornaro Life Insurance
-Company, of the Tregulpho tin-mines, and of four or five railroad
-companies. It was amusing to see him swaggering about the City in his
-clinking boots, and with his high and mighty dragoon manners. For a time
-his talk about shares after dinner was perfectly intolerable; and I for
-one was always glad to leave him in the company of sundry very dubious
-capitalists who frequented his house, and walk up to hear Mrs. Fanny
-warbling at the piano, with her little children about her knees.</p>
-
-<p>It was only last season that they set up a carriage&mdash;the modestest
-little vehicle conceivable&mdash;driven by Kirby, who had</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 401px;">
-<a href="images/facing033_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing033_sml.jpg" width="401" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>THE MAN IN POSSESSION.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_33" id="page_33">{33}</a></span></p>
-
-<p class="nind">been in Dixon’s troop in the regiment, and had followed him into private
-life as coachman, footman, and page.</p>
-
-<p>One day lately I went into Dixon’s house, hearing that some calamities
-had befallen him, the particulars of which Miss Clapperclaw was desirous
-to know. The creditors of the Tregulpho mines had got a verdict against
-him as one of the directors of that company; the engineer of the Little
-Diddlesex Junction had sued him for two thousand three hundred
-pounds&mdash;the charges of that scientific man for six weeks’ labour in
-surveying the line. His brother directors were to be discovered nowhere;
-Windham, Dodgin, Mizzlington, and the rest, were all gone long ago.</p>
-
-<p>When I entered, the door was open&mdash;there was a smell of smoke in the
-dining-room, where a gentleman at noon-day was seated with a pipe and a
-pot of beer&mdash;a man in possession indeed, in that comfortable pretty
-parlour, by that snug round table where I have so often seen Fanny
-Dixon’s smiling face.</p>
-
-<p>Kirby, the ex-dragoon, was scowling at the fellow, who lay upon a little
-settee reading the newspaper, with an evident desire to kill him. Mrs.
-Kirby, his wife, held little Danby, poor Dixon’s son and heir. Dixon’s
-portrait smiled over the sideboard still, and his wife was up stairs in
-an agony of fear, with the poor little daughters of this bankrupt,
-broken family.</p>
-
-<p>This poor soul had actually come down and paid a visit<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_34" id="page_34">{34}</a></span> to the man in
-possession. She had sent wine and dinner to “the gentleman down stairs,”
-as she called him in her terror. She had tried to move his heart, by
-representing to him how innocent Captain Dixon was, and how he had
-always paid, and always remained at home when everybody else had fled.
-As if her tears, and simple tales and entreaties, could move that man in
-possession out of the house, or induce him to pay the costs of the
-action which her husband had lost.</p>
-
-<p>Danby meanwhile was at Boulogne, sickening after his wife and children.
-They sold everything in his house&mdash;all his smart furniture, and neat
-little stock of plate; his wardrobe and his linen, “the property of a
-gentleman gone abroad;” his carriage by the best maker; and his wine
-selected without regard to expense. His house was shut up as completely
-as his opposite neighbour’s; and a new tenant is just having it fresh
-painted inside and out, as if poor Dixon had left an infection behind.</p>
-
-<p>Kirby and his wife went across the water with the children and Mrs.
-Fanny&mdash;she has a small settlement; and I am bound to say that our mutual
-friend Miss Elizabeth C. went down with Mrs. Dixon in the fly to the
-Tower Stairs, and stopped in Lombard Street by the way.</p>
-
-<p>So it is that the world wags: that honest men and knaves alike are
-always having ups and downs of fortune, and that we are perpetually
-changing tenants in Our Street.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 403px;">
-<a href="images/facing035_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing035_sml.jpg" width="403" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>THE LION OF THE STREET.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_35" id="page_35">{35}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="THE_LION_OF_THE_STREET" id="THE_LION_OF_THE_STREET"></a>THE LION OF THE STREET.</h2>
-
-<p>What people can find in Clarence Bulbul, who has lately taken upon
-himself the rank and dignity of Lion of our Street, I have always been
-at a loss to conjecture.</p>
-
-<p>“He has written an Eastern book of considerable merit,” Miss Clapperclaw
-says; but hang it, has not everybody written an Eastern book? I should
-like to meet anybody in society now who has not been up to the second
-cataract. An Eastern book, forsooth! My Lord Castleroyal has done
-one&mdash;an honest one; my Lord Youngent another&mdash;an amusing one; my Lord
-Woolsey another&mdash;a pious one; there is “The Cutlet and the Cabob”&mdash;a
-sentimental one; “Timbuctoothen”&mdash;a humorous one, all ludicrously
-overrated, in my opinion, not including my own little book, of which a
-copy or two is still to be had by the way.</p>
-
-<p>Well, then, Clarence Bulbul, because he has made part of the little tour
-that all of us know, comes back and gives himself airs, forsooth, and
-howls as if he were just out of the great Libyan desert.</p>
-
-<p>When we go and see him, that Irish Jew courier, whom I<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_36" id="page_36">{36}</a></span> have before had
-the honour to describe, looks up from the novel which he is reading in
-the ante-room, and says, “Mon maitre est au Divan,” or, “Monsieur
-trouvera Monsieur dans son serail,” and relapses into the Comte de
-Montechristo again.</p>
-
-<p>Yes, the impudent wretch has actually a room in his apartments on the
-ground-floor of his mother’s house, which he calls his harem. When Lady
-Betty Bulbul (they are of the Nightingale family) or Miss Blanche comes
-down to visit him, their slippers are placed at the door, and he
-receives them on an ottoman, and these infatuated women will actually
-light his pipe for him.</p>
-
-<p>Little Spitfire, the groom, hangs about the drawing-room, outside the
-harem forsooth! so that he may be ready when Clarence Bulbul claps hands
-for him to bring the pipes and coffee.</p>
-
-<p>He has coffee and pipes for everybody. I should like you to have seen
-the face of old Bowly, his college-tutor, called upon to sit
-cross-legged on a divan, a little cup of bitter black Mocha put into his
-hand, and a large amber-muzzled pipe stuck into his mouth by Spitfire,
-before he could so much as say it was a fine day. Bowly almost thought
-he had compromised his principles by consenting so far to this Turkish
-manner.</p>
-
-<p>Bulbul’s dinners are, I own, very good; his pilaffs and curries
-excellent. He tried to make us eat rice with our fingers, it is true;<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_37" id="page_37">{37}</a></span>
-but he scalded his own hands in the business, and invariably bedizened
-his shirt, so he has left off the Turkish practice, for dinner at least,
-and uses a fork like a Christian.</p>
-
-<p>But it is in society that he is most remarkable; and here he would, I
-own, be odious, but he becomes delightful, because all the men hate him
-so. A perfect chorus of abuse is raised round about him. “Confounded
-impostor,” says one; “Impudent jackass,” says another; “Miserable
-puppy,” cries a third; “I’d like to wring his neck,” says Bruff,
-scowling over his shoulder at him. Clarence meanwhile nods, winks,
-smiles, and patronises them all with the easiest good-humour. He is a
-fellow who would poke an archbishop in the apron, or clap a duke on the
-shoulder, as coolly as he would address you and me.</p>
-
-<p>I saw him the other night, at Mrs. Bumpsher’s grand let off. He flung
-himself down cross-legged upon a pink satin sofa, so that you could see
-Mrs. Bumpsher quiver with rage in the distance, Bruff growl with fury
-from the further room, and Miss Pim, on whose frock Bulbul’s feet
-rested, look up like a timid fawn.</p>
-
-<p>“Fan me, Miss Pim,” said he of the cushion. “You look like a perfect
-Peri to-night. You remind me of a girl I once knew in Circassia&mdash;Ameena,
-the sister of Schamyle Bey. Do you know, Miss Pim, that you would fetch
-twenty thousand piastres in the market at Constantinople?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_38" id="page_38">{38}</a></span>”</p>
-
-<p>“Law, Mr. Bulbul!” is all Miss Pim can ejaculate; and having talked over
-Miss Pim, Clarence goes off to another houri, whom he fascinates in a
-similar manner. He charmed Mrs. Waddy by telling her that she was the
-exact figure of the Pacha of Egypt’s second wife. He gave Miss Tokely a
-piece of the sack in which Zuleikah was drowned; and he actually
-persuaded that poor little silly Miss Vain to turn Mahometan, and sent
-her up to the Turkish Ambassador’s, to look out for a mufti.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 405px;">
-<a href="images/facing039_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing039_sml.jpg" width="405" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>THE DOVE OF THE STREET.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_39" id="page_39">{39}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="THE_DOVE_OF_OUR_STREET" id="THE_DOVE_OF_OUR_STREET"></a>THE DOVE OF OUR STREET.</h2>
-
-<p>If Bulbul is our Lion, Young Oriel may be described as The Dove of our
-Colony. He is almost as great a pasha among the ladies as Bulbul. They
-crowd in flocks to see him at Saint Waltheof’s, where the immense height
-of his forehead, the rigid asceticism of his surplice, the twang with
-which he intones the service, and the namby-pamby mysticism of his
-sermons, has turned all the dear girls’ heads for some time past. While
-we were having a rubber at Mrs. Chauntry’s, whose daughters are
-following the new mode, I heard the following talk (which made me revoke
-by the way) going on, in what was formerly called the young lady’s room,
-but is now styled the Oratory.</p>
-
-<h3>THE ORATORY.</h3>
-
-<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" summary="">
-
-<tr><td>&nbsp; &nbsp; MISS CHAUNTRY.<br />
-&nbsp; &nbsp; MISS DE L’AISLE.<br /></td>
-<td>&nbsp;</td>
-<td>&nbsp; &nbsp; MISS ISABEL CHAUNTRY.<br />
-&nbsp; &nbsp; MISS PYX.<br /></td></tr>
-
-<tr><td>REV. L. ORIEL.<br /></td><td>&nbsp;</td>
-
-<td>REV. O. SLOCUM&mdash;[<i>In the further room.</i>]</td></tr>
-</table>
-
-<p><i>Miss Chauntry</i> (<i>sighing</i>).&mdash;Is it wrong to be in the Guards, dear Mr.
-Oriel?<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_40" id="page_40">{40}</a></span></p>
-
-<p><i>Miss Pyx.</i>&mdash;She will make Frank de Boots sell out when he marries.</p>
-
-<p><i>Mr. Oriel.</i>&mdash;To be in the Guards, dear sister? The church has always
-encouraged the army. Saint Martin of Tours was in the army; Saint Louis
-was in the army; Saint Waltheof, our patron, Saint Witikind of
-Aldermanbury, Saint Wamba, and Saint Walloff were in the army. Saint
-Wapshot was captain of the guard of Queen Boadicea; and Saint Werewolf
-was a major in the Danish cavalry. The holy Saint Ignatius of Loyola
-carried a pike, as we know; and&mdash;&mdash;</p>
-
-<p><i>Miss de l’Aisle.</i>&mdash;Will you take some tea, dear Mr. Oriel?</p>
-
-<p><i>Oriel.</i>&mdash;This is not one of <i>my</i> feast days, Sister Emma. It is the
-feast of Saint Wagstaff of Walthamstow.</p>
-
-<p><i>The Young Ladies.</i>&mdash;And we must not even take tea!</p>
-
-<p><i>Oriel.</i>&mdash;Dear sisters, I said not so. <i>You</i> may do as you list; but I
-am strong (<i>with a heart-broken sigh</i>); don’t ply me (<i>he reels</i>). I
-took a little water and a parched pea after matins. To-morrow is a flesh
-day, and&mdash;and I shall be better then.</p>
-
-<p><i>Rev. O. Slocum</i> (<i>from within</i>).&mdash;Madam, I take your heart with my
-small trump.</p>
-
-<p><i>Oriel.</i>&mdash;Yes, better! dear sister; it is only a passing&mdash;a&mdash;weakness.</p>
-
-<p><i>Miss I. Chauntry.</i>&mdash;He’s dying of fever.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_41" id="page_41">{41}</a></span></p>
-
-<p><i>Miss Chauntry.</i>&mdash;I’m so glad De Boots need not leave the Blues.</p>
-
-<p><i>Miss Pyx.</i>&mdash;He wears sackcloth and cinders inside his waistcoat.</p>
-
-<p><i>Miss De l’Aisle.</i>&mdash;He’s told me to-night he is going to&mdash;to&mdash;Ro-o-ome.
-[<i>Miss De l’Aisle bursts into tears.</i>]</p>
-
-<p><i>Rev. O. Slocum.</i>&mdash;My lord, I have the highest club, which gives the
-trick and two by honours.</p>
-
-<p>&nbsp;</p>
-
-<p>Thus, you see, we have a variety of clergymen in Our Street. Mr. Oriel
-is of the pointed Gothic school, while old Slocum is of the good old
-tawny port-wine school; and it must be confessed that Mr. Gronow, at
-Ebenezer, has a hearty abhorrence for both.</p>
-
-<p>As for Gronow, I pity him, if his future lot should fall where Mr Oriel
-supposes that it will.</p>
-
-<p>And as for Oriel, he has not even the benefit of purgatory, which he
-would accord to his neighbour Ebenezer; while old Slocum pronounces both
-to be a couple of humbugs; and Mr. Mole, the demure little beetle-browed
-chaplain of the little church of Avemary Lane, keeps his sly eyes down
-to the ground when he passes any one of his black-coated brethren.</p>
-
-<p>There is only one point on which, my friends, they seem agreed. Slocum
-likes port, but who ever heard that he neglected his poor? Gronow, if he
-comminates his neighbour’s congrega<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_42" id="page_42">{42}</a></span>tion, is the affectionate father of
-his own. Oriel, if he loves pointed Gothic and parched peas for
-breakfast, has a prodigious soup-kitchen for his poor; and as for little
-Father Mole, who never lifts his eyes from the ground, ask our doctor at
-what bedsides he finds him, and how he soothes poverty and braves misery
-and infection.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_43" id="page_43">{43}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="THE_BUMPSHERS" id="THE_BUMPSHERS"></a>THE BUMPSHERS.</h2>
-
-<p>No. 6 Pocklington Gardens (the house with the quantity of flowers in the
-windows, and the awning over the entrance), George Bumpsher, Esquire,
-M.P. for Humborough (and the Beaustalks, Kent).</p>
-
-<p>For some time after this gorgeous family came into our quarter, I
-mistook a bald-headed stout person, whom I used to see looking through
-the flowers on the upper windows, for Bumpsher himself or for the butler
-of the family; whereas it was no other than Mrs. Bumpsher, without her
-chesnut wig; and who is at least three times the size of her husband.</p>
-
-<p>The Bumpshers and the house of Mango at the Pineries vie together in
-their desire to dominate over the neighbourhood; and each votes the
-other a vulgar and purse-proud family. The fact is, both are City
-people. Bumpsher, in his mercantile capacity, is a wholesale stationer
-in Thames Street; and his wife was daughter of an eminent bill-broking
-firm, not a thousand miles from Lombard Street.<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_44" id="page_44">{44}</a></span></p>
-
-<p>He does not sport a coronet and supporters upon his London plate and
-carriages; but his country-house is emblazoned all over with those
-heraldic decorations. He puts on an order when he goes abroad, and is
-Count Bumpsher of the Roman States&mdash;which title he purchased from the
-late Pope (through Prince Polonia the banker) for a couple of thousand
-scudi.</p>
-
-<p>It is as good as a coronation to see him and Mrs. Bumpsher go to Court.
-I wonder the carriage can hold them both. On those days Mrs. Bumpsher
-holds her own drawing-room before her Majesty’s; and we are invited to
-come and see her sitting in state, upon the largest sofa in her rooms.
-She has need of a stout one, I promise you. Her very feathers must weigh
-something considerable. The diamonds on her stomacher would embroider a
-full-sized carpet-bag. She has rubies, ribbons, cameos, emeralds, gold
-serpents, opals, and Valenciennes lace, as if she were an immense sample
-out of Howell and James’s shop.</p>
-
-<p>She took up with little Pinkney at Rome, where he made a charming
-picture of her, representing her as about eighteen, with a cherub in her
-lap, who has some liking to Bryanstone Bumpsher, her enormous, vulgar
-son; now a Cornet in the Blues, and anything but a cherub, as those
-would say who saw him in his uniform jacket.</p>
-
-<p>I remember Pinkney when he was painting the picture, Bryanstone being
-then a youth in what they call a skeleton suit</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 414px;">
-<a href="images/facing044_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing044_sml.jpg" width="414" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>VENUS AND CUPID.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_45" id="page_45">{45}</a></span></p>
-
-<p>(as if such a pig of a child could ever have been dressed in anything
-resembling a skeleton)&mdash;I remember, I say, Mrs. B. sitting to Pinkney in
-a sort of Egerian costume, her boy by her side, whose head the artist
-turned round and directed it towards a piece of gingerbread, which he
-was to have at the end of the sitting.</p>
-
-<p>Pinkney, indeed, a painter!&mdash;a contemptible little humbug, and parasite
-of the great! He has painted Mrs. Bumpsher younger every year for these
-last ten years&mdash;and you see in the advertisements of all her parties his
-odious little name stuck in at the end of the list. I’m sure, for my
-part, I’d scorn to enter her doors, or be the toady of any woman.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/image045.jpg" width="300" alt="[Image unavailable.]" />
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_46" id="page_46">{46}</a></span></p>
-
-<h2><a name="JOLLY_NEWBOY_ESQ_MP" id="JOLLY_NEWBOY_ESQ_MP"></a>JOLLY NEWBOY, ESQ., M.P.</h2>
-
-<p>How different it is with the Newboys, now, where I have an
-entrée&mdash;(having indeed had the honour in former days to give lessons to
-both the ladies)&mdash;and where such a quack as Pinkney would never be
-allowed to enter! A merrier house the whole quarter cannot furnish. It
-is there you meet people of all ranks and degrees, not only from our
-quarter but from the rest of the town. It is there that our great man,
-the Right Honourable Lord Comandine, came up and spoke to me in so
-encouraging a manner that I hope to be invited to one of his lordship’s
-excellent dinners (of which I shall not fail to give a very flattering
-description) before the season is over. It is there you find yourself
-talking to statesmen, poets, and artists&mdash;not sham poets like Bulbul, or
-quack artists like that Pinkney&mdash;but to the best members of all society.
-It is there I made the sketch in the frontispiece while Miss
-Chesterforth was singing a deep-toned tragic ballad, and her mother
-scowling behind her. What a buzz and clack and<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_47" id="page_47">{47}</a></span> chatter there was in the
-room to be sure! When Miss Chesterforth sings everybody begins to talk.
-Hicks and old Fogy were on Ireland; Bass was roaring into old Pump’s
-ears (or into his horn rather) about the Navigation Laws; I was engaged
-talking to the charming Mrs. Short; while Charley Bonham (a mere prig,
-in whom I am surprised that the women can see anything) was pouring out
-his fulsome rhapsodies in the ears of Diana White. Lovely, lovely Diana
-White! were it not for three or four other engagements, I know a heart
-that would suit you to a T.</p>
-
-<p>Newboy’s I pronounce to be the jolliest house in the street. He has only
-of late had a rush of prosperity, and turned Parliament man; for his
-distant cousin, of the ancient house of Newboy of &mdash;&mdash;shire dying,
-Fred&mdash;then making believe to practice at the bar, and living with the
-utmost modesty in Gray’s Inn Road&mdash;found himself master of a fortune,
-and a great house in the country, of which getting tired, as in the
-course of nature he should, he came up to London, and took that fine
-mansion in our Gardens. He represents Mumborough in Parliament, a seat
-which has been time out of mind occupied by a Newboy.</p>
-
-<p>Though he does not speak, being a great deal too rich, sensible, and
-lazy, he somehow occupies himself with reading blue books, and indeed
-talks a great deal too much good sense<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_48" id="page_48">{48}</a></span> of late over his dinner-table,
-where there is always a cover for the present writer.</p>
-
-<p>He falls asleep pretty assiduously too after that meal&mdash;a practice which
-I can well pardon in him&mdash;for, between ourselves, his wife, Maria
-Newboy, and his sister, Clarissa, are the loveliest and kindest of their
-sex, and I would rather hear their innocent prattle, and lively talk
-about their neighbours, than the best wisdom from the wisest man that
-ever wore a beard.</p>
-
-<p>Like a wise and good man he leaves the question of his household
-entirely to the woman. They like going to the play. They like going to
-Greenwich. They like coming to a party at bachelor’s hall. They are up
-to all sorts of fun, in a word; in which taste the good-natured Newboy
-acquiesces, provided he is left to follow his own.</p>
-
-<p>It was only on the 17th of the month that, having had the honour to dine
-at the house, when, after dinner, which took place at eight, we left
-Newboy to his blue books, and went up stairs and sang a little to the
-guitar afterwards&mdash;it was only on the 17th December, the night of Lady
-Sowerby’s party, that the following dialogue took place in the boudoir,
-whither Newboy, blue books in hand, had ascended.</p>
-
-<p>He was curled up with his House of Commons boots on his wife’s
-arm-chair, reading his eternal blue books, when Mrs. N. entered from her
-apartment, dressed for the evening.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 406px;">
-<a href="images/facing049_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing049_sml.jpg" width="406" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>THE STREET DOOR KEY.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_49" id="page_49">{49}</a></span></p>
-
-<p><i>Mrs. N.</i>&mdash;Frederic, wont you come?</p>
-
-<p><i>Mr. N.</i>&mdash;Where?</p>
-
-<p><i>Mrs. N.</i>&mdash;To Lady Sowerby’s.</p>
-
-<p><i>Mr. N.</i>&mdash;I’d rather go to the black hole in Calcutta. Besides, this
-Sanitary Report is really the most interesting&mdash;[<i>he begins to read.</i>]</p>
-
-<p><i>Mrs. N.</i> (<i>piqued</i>)&mdash;Well; Mr. Titmarsh will go with us.</p>
-
-<p><i>Mr. N.</i>&mdash;Will he? I wish him joy!</p>
-
-<p>At this puncture Miss Clarissa Newboy enters in a pink paletôt, trimmed
-with swansdown&mdash;looking like an angel&mdash;and we exchange glances of&mdash;what
-shall I say?&mdash;of sympathy on both parts, and consummate rapture on mine.
-But this is by-play.</p>
-
-<p><i>Mrs. N.</i>&mdash;Good night, Frederic. I think we shall be late.</p>
-
-<p><i>Mr. N.</i>&mdash;You won’t wake me, I daresay; and you don’t expect a public
-man to sit up.</p>
-
-<p><i>Mrs. N.</i>&mdash;It’s not you, it’s the servants. Cocker sleeps very heavily.
-The maids are best in bed, and are all ill with the influenza. I say,
-Frederic dear, don’t you think you had better give me <small>YOUR CHUBB KEY</small>?</p>
-
-<p>This astonishing proposal, which violates every recognised law of
-society&mdash;this demand which alters all the existing state of things&mdash;this
-fact of a woman asking for a door-key, struck me with a terror which I
-cannot describe, and impressed me<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_50" id="page_50">{50}</a></span> with the fact of the vast progress of
-Our Street. The door-key! What would our grandmother, who dwelt in this
-place when it was a rustic suburb, think of its condition now, when
-husbands stay at home, and wives go abroad with the latch-key?</p>
-
-<p>The evening at Lady Sowerby’s was the most delicious we have spent for
-long, long days.</p>
-
-<p>Thus it will be seen that everybody of any consideration in Our Street
-takes a line. Mrs. Minimy (34) takes the homœopathic line, and has
-<i>soirées</i> of doctors of that faith. Lady Pocklington takes the
-capitalist line; and those stupid and splendid dinners of hers are
-devoured by loan-contractors, and railroad princes. Mrs. Trimmer (38)
-comes out in the scientific line, and indulges us in rational evenings,
-where history is the lightest subject admitted, and geology and the
-sanitary condition of the metropolis form the general themes of
-conversation. Mrs. Brumby plays finely on the bassoon, and has evenings
-dedicated to Sebastian Bach, and enlivened with Handel. At Mrs.
-Maskleyn’s they are mad for charades and theatricals.</p>
-
-<p>They performed last Christmas in a French piece, by Alexandre Dumas, I
-believe&mdash;“La Duchesse de Montefiasco,” of which I forget the plot, but
-everybody was in love with everybody else’s wife, except the hero, Don
-Alonzo, who was ardently attached to the Duchess, who turned out to be
-his grandmother. The piece was translated by Lord Fiddle-faddle, Tom
-Bulbul</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 406px;">
-<a href="images/facing051_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing051_sml.jpg" width="406" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>A SCENE OF PASSION.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_51" id="page_51">{51}</a></span></p>
-
-<p class="nind">being the Don Alonzo; and Mrs. Roland Calidore (who never misses an
-opportunity of acting in a piece in which she can let down her hair) was
-the Duchess.</p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
-<span class="i10"><span class="smcap">Alonzo.</span><br /></span>
-</div><div class="stanza">
-<span class="i0">You know how well he loves you, and you wonder<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">To see Alonzo suffer, Cunegunda?&mdash;<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">Ask if the chamois suffer when they feel<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">Plunged in their panting sides the hunter’s steel?<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">Or when the soaring heron or eagle proud,<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">Pierced by my shaft, comes tumbling from the cloud,<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">Ask if the royal birds no anguish know,<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">The victims of Alonzo’s twanging bow?<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">Then ask him if he suffers&mdash;him who dies,<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">Pierced by the poisoned glance that glitters from your eyes!<br /></span>
-<span class="i8">[<i>He staggers from the effect of the poison.</i><br /></span>
-</div><div class="stanza">
-<span class="i10"><span class="smcap">The Duchess.</span><br /></span>
-</div><div class="stanza">
-<span class="i0">Alonzo loves&mdash;Alonzo loves! and whom?<br /></span>
-<span class="i0">His grandmother! O hide me gracious tomb!<br /></span>
-<span class="i10">[<i>Her Grace faints away.</i><br /></span>
-</div></div>
-</div>
-
-<p>Such acting as Tom Bulbul’s I never saw. Tom lisps atrociously, and
-uttered the passage, “You athk me if I thuffer,” in the most absurd way.
-Miss Clapperclaw says he acted pretty well, and that I only joke about
-him because I am envious, and wanted to act a part myself.&mdash;I envious
-indeed!</p>
-
-<p>But of all the assemblies, feastings, junkettings, déjeunes, soirées,
-conversaziones, dinner-parties, in Our Street, I know of none pleasanter
-than the banquets at Tom Fairfax’s; one of<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_52" id="page_52">{52}</a></span> which this enormous
-provision-consumer gives seven times a-week. He lives in one of the
-little houses of the old Waddilove Street quarter, built long before
-Pocklington Square and Pocklington Gardens and the Pocklington family
-itself had made their appearance in this world.</p>
-
-<p>Tom, though he has a small income, and lives in a small house, yet sits
-down one of a party of twelve to dinner every day of his life; these
-twelve consisting of Mrs. Fairfax, the nine Misses Fairfax, and Master
-Thomas Fairfax&mdash;the son and heir to twopence-halfpenny a-year.</p>
-
-<p>It is awkward just now to go and beg pot-luck from such a family as
-this; because, though a guest is always welcome, we are thirteen at
-table&mdash;an unlucky number, it is said. This evil is only temporary, and
-will be remedied presently, when the family will be thirteen <i>without</i>
-the occasional guest, to judge from all appearances.</p>
-
-<p>Early in the morning Mrs. Fairfax rises, and cuts bread and butter from
-six o’clock till eight; during which time the nursery operations upon
-the nine little graces are going on. We only see a half dozen of them at
-this present moment, and in the present authentic picture, the remainder
-dwindling off upon little chairs by their mamma.</p>
-
-<p>The two on either side of Fairfax are twins&mdash;awarded to him by singular
-good fortune; and he only knows Nancy from Fanny</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter" style="width: 404px;">
-<a href="images/facing053_lg.jpg">
-<img src="images/facing053_sml.jpg" width="404" height="550" alt="[Image unavailable.]" /></a>
-<div class="caption"><p>THE HAPPY FAMILY.</p></div>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page_53" id="page_53">{53}</a></span></p>
-
-<p class="nind">by having a piece of tape round the former’s arm. There is no need to
-give you the catalogue of the others. She, in the pinafore in front, is
-Elizabeth, goddaughter to Miss Clapperclaw, who has been very kind to
-the whole family; that young lady with the ringlets is engaged by the
-most solemn ties to the present writer, and it is agreed that we are to
-be married as soon as she is as tall as my stick.</p>
-
-<p>If his wife has to rise early to cut the bread and butter, I warrant
-Fairfax must be up betimes to earn it. He is a clerk in a Government
-Office; to which duty he trudges daily, refusing even twopenny
-omnibuses. Every time he goes to the shoemaker’s he has to order eleven
-pairs of shoes, and so can’t afford to spare his own. He teaches the
-children Latin every morning, and is already thinking when Tom shall he
-inducted into that language. He works in his garden for an hour before
-breakfast. His work over by three o’clock, he tramps home at four, and
-exchanges his dapper coat for that dressing-gown in which he appears
-before you,&mdash;a ragged but honourable garment in which he stood
-(unconsciously) to the present designer.</p>
-
-<p>Which is the best, his old coat or Sir John’s bran new one? Which is the
-most comfortable and becoming, Mrs. Fairfax’s black velvet gown, (which
-she has worn at the Pocklington Square parties these twelve years, and
-in which I protest she looks like a queen), or that new robe which the
-milliner has<span class="pagenum"><a name="page_54" id="page_54">{54}</a></span> has just brought home to Mrs. Bumpsher’s, and into which
-she will squeeze herself on Christmas day?</p>
-
-<p>Miss Clapperclaw says that we are all so charmingly contented with
-ourselves that not one of us would change with his neighbour; and so,
-rich and poor, high and low, one person is about as happy as another in
-Our Street.</p>
-
-<div class="figcenter">
-<img src="images/backcover.jpg" width="371" height="500" alt="" title="" />
-</div>
-
-<hr class="full" />
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
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