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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..12a4636 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #64963 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/64963) diff --git a/old/64963-0.txt b/old/64963-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 057027c..0000000 --- a/old/64963-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,877 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Heir Apparent, by Alan E. Nourse - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Heir Apparent - -Author: Alan E. Nourse - -Release Date: April 01, 2021 [eBook #64963] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HEIR APPARENT *** - - - - - HEIR APPARENT - - _By Alan E. Nourse_ - - What drives a man to the stars on a life - of high adventure and grave peril? Even more - important--can a girl's love keep him home? - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy - October 1953 - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - -_We watched in silence as grim-faced, uniformed guards carried the -small bronze casket down from the space ship. There were thousands of -us standing there in the pouring rain, soaked to the skin. Yet somehow -we didn't notice the rain or the discomfort. We had waited years for -this moment, to honor a great man's triumphal return to Earth.... He -had waited too long. The odds he faced had finally cancelled out luck, -skill, and the guts a brave man needs to face space alone...._ - -_They carried his casket by us, across the sopping field, boots sucking -noisily in the heavy mud. Instead of smiles there were tears that even -the rain couldn't hide. And many a woman sobbed openly now ... perhaps -thinking of her own son or husband up there someplace...._ - -_I couldn't find any tears. And that was strange. For of all the -thousands of people watching his casket move slowly by, I should have -felt the deepest remorse._ - -_At least, when you kill a man you're supposed to feel that way...._ - - * * * * * - -It had been so hot that I was soaked through when I finished at the -hospital, and could think of nothing more enticing than a hot bath and -a long night's sleep. An interne's life isn't his own, and the evenings -I could call mine came so seldom I couldn't remember the last time -I'd been free. Still, there were those evenings, and tonight seemed -to be one of them, when I used to think I'd been foolish to keep from -entanglements that would interfere with my professional progress, -and begin to envy guys like Bart, with their black haired, blue eyed -girls. I was pleased when I saw the light on under my door, and found -Bart and Marny there. Marny was at the refrigerator pouring some beer, -and Bart was pacing back and forth like a tiger, his eyes bright with -excitement. "You should get another hospital," he exploded when I -opened the door. "Thought you'd never get here." - -"Can't tell women when to have babies," I growled. "Nobody's passed any -laws yet." I stripped off my shirt and disappeared toward the shower, -winking at Marny as I went. "And as for using my flat for immoral -purposes--" - -"Fat chance," she grinned, jerking a thumb at Bart. "The boy's on -a jag. He won't come near me." I heard the glasses clinking as I -showered, and slipped on a cool, fresh shirt. I found them both with -their noses in beer, Marny on the couch, Bart staring out at the dark -street. And I noticed the suppressed excitement in Bart's eyes as I -sank down in a chair. - -"Ok," I said. "So you've got news. Spill it." - -"_I passed the test, Ben!_" - -I squinted at him, puzzled. Something tried to clink down into place in -my mind. Test? It seemed to me I _had_ heard something about a test. -"That's nice," I said. "What test?" - -"What test! Dillon's engineering competition, stupid! I told you about -that--" - -My eyes widened, and I sat bolt upright. "You mean the competition for -_crews_?" - -Bart nodded excitedly. "That's right. Dillon got the government to back -his contracts and research, and he'll be tripling the number of ships -in space within the next five years. He needs men--the best men he -can get to man those ships! And these tests are designed to pick the -best part for Dillon's crew--" He sank down on the davenport, his hands -trembling. "It was the only smart thing to do," he said. "Every mug on -the streets thinks that he wants to walk in and ferry a ship to Mars. -That wouldn't work--it takes too much knowledge, too much engineering -skill, and lots more. The men who go have got to be the best bets on -every score--the best to handle the long trips, the best for repairing, -reporting, exploring--everything. You saw what happened to the first -crews that went to Mars. There wasn't any provision for anything but -technical skill, and they were at each other's throats before they'd -cleared Earth's orbit. They practically killed each other--some went -loopy, some wouldn't come back home--Dillon had a real mess on his -hands. So the tests were set up for screening. The competition was -really stiff--" - -I stared at him. "And you passed the tests--" - -He was grinning from ear to ear. "I passed them--" - - * * * * * - -I heard a swift breath, and Marny was on her feet, picking up the -glasses swiftly, taking them to the kitchen. Suddenly there was a cold -breath in the room, and I caught the look on Marny's face. It was one -of those unguarded moments, one of those looks no woman ever wants a -man to see, but I saw it, and I saw the end of things in her eyes. A -look of horror and fear. For one brief instant the shield was down, and -I saw the terror and revulsion on her face and knew everything that -was going through that mind of hers. And then the look disappeared, -and she was walking back into the room, her face pale but composed, -watching Bart with a kind of blank sadness in her eyes. "That's--that's -wonderful, Bart," she said. "You didn't tell me you were taking it--" - -He looked up reddening. "I hardly dared tell anyone. It was such a -slender chance. I didn't see how I could possibly get through it--the -psych part, particularly. I may have to go out and hang by my knees -from the jets on the trips to keep myself from getting bored, but part -of the test was interested in idle-time creativity, and they said I got -through it better than anyone else--" - -She was staring at him, her eyes wide. "That means you'll be going into -Dillon's crew--" - -"It means I have a chance! The final sifting hasn't been finished, -there's a dozen more tests, a dozen performance checks, half a -thousand conditioning tests I'd have to take--but don't you see -what it means? It means I can go to space, Marny! It's a chance in a -thousand, and it's mine! Dillon's cut the ice, he's had half a dozen -ships up, but the real work's just begun. This puts me in on the ground -floor, Marny. There's no end to the possibilities--" - -She stared at him wordlessly. "But they say Dillon's an exploiter, -Bart--a madman. He's out for what he can make out of it, and nothing -more. You can't trust a man like that...." - -Bart shrugged indifferently. "Stories," he said. "Dillon's a pioneer. -Those who are afraid of space spread dirty stories, sure, but there's -no proof. Anyway, I won't fly _with_ Dillon. He just builds the ships, -and his ships are the finest that can be built--" - -"But Bart, it's a fool's errand!" The girl's eyes were huge, filling -with tears. "You have a good job, a good home--you just _can't_ go--" - -He blinked at her, unbelieving. "With a chance like this? To go to -space? I couldn't stay home--" - -She looked at him, and then at me, with the strangest baffled pain in -her eyes. She looked, suddenly, as though the bottom had dropped out of -her world. "You--you mean that, Bart?" - -The bafflement spread across Bart's face as he looked down at her. -"Marny, I--I don't understand this. You know what I've wanted. I've -told you time and again--" - -"Oh, yes, _talk_! But I never dreamed you _meant_ it! Everybody talks -about going to space." - -"But not everyone gets the chance!" His voice was sharp in the still, -hot room. - -"But only a fool would go!" - -"Then I'm a fool." He turned away, and sank down slowly in a chair. "I -want it more than anything in the world." - - * * * * * - -The silence was deafening. When she spoke, her voice was hardly -audible. "Then I guess that's all there is to it." - -"What do you mean?" - -"I mean if you go, we're through. That's all." - -Bart blinked, his face pale. I could see his knuckles whitening on the -arms of the chair. "Marny, it's only a trip--" - -She was shaking her head, and her lower lip trembled. Her voice was -weak, and very, very tired. "No, Bart, not just a trip. A dozen trips, -or a thousand. It wouldn't make any difference." She took a deep -breath. "I'm sorry, Bart. I couldn't do it. Across the country, across -the ocean, yes. But space--no, I couldn't." - -"But you aren't being reasonable!" he exploded. "You act as though -it's the end of everything, as if a trip to Mars was something to get -excited about--look, Marny. We love each other--you know that, and I -know it, too. We could be married--this week, right away--I wouldn't be -going for at least six or eight months--why, I might not even make it -at all! The tests aren't over, this was just the first screening, and I -could flunk in a hundred thousand different ways--" - -"But you'd pass," she burst out. "You know you would. And then you'd -go, and go, and go--what kind of marriage would that be? What about -a home, or children? Oh, Bart, you know what happened to the others! -You'll die, you'll be killed--think of it! You don't know what you'd -find out there, and I couldn't stand it--" She looked up at him, and -her eyes were full of tears and bitterness. "It wouldn't be a marriage, -Bart. It couldn't be." - -Bart looked up at me, his eyes pleading. "Tell her, Ben--oh, tell her, -somehow--I can't, I don't know how--" He broke off, and walked to the -far side of the room, his whole body trembling--"You're not being -reasonable," he broke out hotly. "You've got to see--" - -"Take me home, Bart." The girl stood up trembling. - -"But Marny--" - -Something in her eyes cut him off, and he took her coat, helped her -into it almost savagely. "It's stupid," he said angrily. "It's stupid -and unreasonable--" - -"Please, Bart--" - -They left without another word, walking slightly apart, the anger and -hurt carving deep lines on Bart's face, Marny's eyes wide, her mouth -tight as she wiped her nose, her face white as death. I walked to the -window, my mind spinning, and saw them get into Bart's three-wheeler. -Then they were gone, down toward the city. For a long time I stood and -watched. - - * * * * * - -I knew that she'd come, sooner or later. She'd come to me many times -before, with big problems and little, and she knew that doctors have a -faculty for understanding some of the messes people get into. I wasn't -surprised to see her, the next day, coming up the stairs in that blue -dress that caught the blackness of her hair and the startling blueness -of her eyes. Her face was just as pale as the night before, but her -eyes were clear. As she sat down, a trifle uneasily, as though she -couldn't quite make up her mind whether she should have come or not, -she looked like one of those perfect, exquisite pink-and-white china -dolls. I sat down opposite, and offered her a smoke; she accepted, and -took a small puff with nervous fingers. "I don't know why I'm here," -she said, finally. "Oh, Ben, I just don't know what to do--" - -"Bart?" - -She nodded. "I didn't react so well last night, I guess--" - -"No," I said. "I guess you didn't." - -"But I didn't know what to say. It wouldn't have been right to have -pretended to be happy about it." - -I sighed. "That's true. There's no good in pretending--not at this -point." - -"But this was the first I realized he was really _serious_, Ben. Oh, -you know how he talks." She stared at her cigarette for a long moment. -"He's wonderful, Ben--" she said softly. "You know that, I think--" - -"He's the most wonderful guy alive." - -She looked up at me gratefully. "I think you mean that. I've known -it--ever since our first date. He brought me into a new world, a -completely new, wonderful, exciting world. I kept fooling myself that -I could be part of it, I guess, that somewhere he could find a place -for me there, too. He loves me, I'm sure of it--but I'm only part of -his world, just one tiny little facet--" - -I snuffed out my smoke, and looked over at her. "And you?" I said. -"What about your world?" - -Her voice was very low. "Bart's my world. All of it. Nothing else -really makes much difference to me." - -I felt a little chill run up my back. "Which means?" - -"I want to marry him anyway. Even if he goes, I want to marry him." - -I stood up and walked across the room, my mind racing. "Are you here -for advice, or did you just come to tell me this?" - -"Oh, Ben, I don't know! I can't think, I don't know what to do. Do you -think it could work, Ben? Somehow, could we _make_ it work?" - -I looked at her for a moment. "I don't know. I haven't got the sort of -mind Bart has, or the sort of makeup. I actually don't know what makes -him go, Marny. But I know that there's a fundamental difference between -us. Me, I'm not anxious to go anyplace. Give me a quiet, middle-class -practice, and a home, and a wife, and a family, and I'll never want any -more. Give the same to Bart and he'd die. Ever since I've known him his -eyes have been on the stars. Can you understand that, Marny? That's -his life, everything that he wants. He's been aiming at the stars since -he was a kid, studying, working, getting into Rocket engineering, -meeting people, talking--all with one idea. To get into space, to go -places nobody has ever been. That's the kind of man Bart is. He's a -wanderer, a rover. Tie him down and he'd die." I looked at her closely. -"You'll kill him, Marny. No matter how much you try to give in, it'll -be a losing game. It'll always be a fight between you, and going out on -another trip. And you'll always lose. If you don't, you'll kill him. -That's all there is to it." - -There were tears in her eyes. "What should I do, Ben?" - -"Tie him down, and he'll shrivel up and die. Turn him loose, and -nothing in the universe can stop him. Let him go, Marny. Completely. -You can find another life down here, the sort of life you need. But -Bart could never find another life--" - -Her eyes were wide with pain and sadness. "There's no other way, Ben?" - -"If you love him, Marny, that's the only thing you can do--" - - * * * * * - -Bart was waiting for me, several nights later, when I got in from the -hospital. He was lying on the couch when I closed the door. His shirt -was open at the neck, and he didn't even move as I hung up my jacket in -the closet. Then he said: "Hi, Ben. Been waiting for you." - -"Beer?" - -He shook his head and sat up. He looked like he'd been through the -dishwasher. There were grey circles under his eyes, and he hadn't -shaved for a couple of days. But, worst of all was the look in his -eyes--a look of bewilderment and torture I'd never seen there before. - -"You look like hell," I said. - -"I feel like hell." - -"Marny?" - -He nodded, and lit a cigarette. After a puff or two he snubbed it out -in distaste. "Let's get some dinner," he said. All the way down to the -diner he sat in the car with his chin sunk in his chest. Finally he was -facing me in a booth, and he couldn't avoid my eyes any longer. "Marny -and I had a talk last night." - -"That's nice," I said. "What did you decide?" - -"Oh, it was awful. Why can't I keep my big yap shut once in a while? I -tried to reason with her, Ben. And she was so damn calm and collected, -and wouldn't budge an inch, so I started losing my temper, and then -she really blew up--" He looked at me miserably. "She's too good to -lose, Ben. It doesn't matter what it involves." - -I looked up, wide-eyed. "_What?_" - -He couldn't meet my eyes. "I'm not going. I'm mailing my resignation to -Dillon tonight." - -I just gaped at him. "Say that again, slower." - -"It's no go, Ben. I'm staying home." - -"So you can marry that girl?" - -He nodded silently. - -"So that's it," I said disgustedly. "The kitty cat has really shown her -claws. What are you, a puppet or something?" - -"Aw, now Ben--" - -"You silly fool. So it's stay home, or else no Marny, is it? You mean -to tell me she had the gall to put it _just like that_? And you're -swallowing it, like the world's prize sucker!" - -He looked up puzzled. "I--I just decided not to go, Ben. Maybe after -we're married she'll see things differently, but it just doesn't figure -any other way." - -I snorted. "It figures like a Hollywood production. Straight down the -line. Get the brains to working, Bart! Do you really think she's going -to marry you and let you go? Like so much baloney! What woman wants to -be a space-widow? She's not so dumb, Bart. She's playing for keeps, -and she isn't even subtle about it." - -"But what am I going to do? I'm in love with her, Ben." - -"Do you think she loves you?" - -"I--I'm sure of it." - -"But she won't even try to understand your side! My god, Bart, can't -you see what's happening? She's selfish, Bart. Just plain selfish. -She wants you, and she wants you on her own terms. There won't be any -compromise. Turn in that resignation, and you're sunk--" - -Anger lit in his eyes then. "It's not selfishness," he said doggedly. - -"Then what do you call it? Has she even listened to you? Has she given -even one little minute's consideration to how you feel?" I set down my -coffee cup in disgust. "Marny is a woman," I said slowly. "To women, -a husband and a home are the end of existence. Oh, there are other -things, sure, but basically, a woman wants a husband, and somewhere, -deep in her mind she has a picture of the vine-covered cottage in the -country and all the rest of the bilge that goes with it. Where does -a space-man fit into that picture? He doesn't. So there won't be any -space-man. Do you think she really loves you, Bart? If she did, would -she try to keep you here?" - -"But I love her, Ben--" - -"And she'll tear your heart out for it! You don't belong down here, -Bart. You belong with Dillon. You have the mind, the build, the -potential that Dillon needs. Think of it! Out of all the thousands who -want to go to space, you have the chance. You'll get to Mars, you'll -work to open the frontier, on Mars, on Venus--we're on the edge of the -greatest era of exploration and discovery the earth has ever known, -Bart. We have the ships to take us to our own planets now, we need -only the men with courage and strength enough to leave their homes and -go. And with the new work on induced warp that Dillon's laboratories -have been doing, it may not be long before we can go farther than our -system--on to the stars. You belong out there, Bart--you don't belong -anywhere, else. And against a challenge like that, _no_ woman is worth -it. _Men like you can't stay, Bart._" - -And then I saw the old light coming back into his eyes, the light I -knew I would see, the light that always appeared in his eyes when -he talked about the stars. I knew the key was turned now, that he -could never change, that he knew he had to go. "There's no end to the -possibilities," he said softly. "There's simply no end." - -He set down his coffee cup, and the light was still in his eyes. But -there was something else in his eyes, too, that hadn't been there -before. Call it pain, if you want, or disappointment. "I'll have to -think, Ben. I'll just have to think. But thanks for making me think." - -I drained my cup, and sat back with a sigh, and felt the music sing -through me. I knew the answer, now. "You won't be sorry," I said. - - * * * * * - -The rest of the story is history, of course. Probably he never fully -realized the part I had played in his decision. Possibly he wouldn't -have cared. He went through Dillon's screening at the top of the list, -and shipped on the little exploratory ship _Dillon's Dream_, and headed -out for Mars, with a little crew around him, driving into the blackness -of space as though he couldn't leave too soon. The landing was good, -and the work began. What he did there everybody knows, the gruelling, -dangerous work of opening the frontier, of exploring and mapping. Every -child today has seen the pictures he made, and sent back, working on -Mars until the first wave of colonists came, and then he was on his way -again, to Venus, working in the dust and horrible wind to open it up -for observation and study, working with a frenzied vitality, a fierce -urgent unity of purpose that turned into legend around him as his crews -came back. The staggering courage of the man, the fearlessness, the -eagerness to be first, to push farther and farther into the limitless -challenge of interplanetary exploration. Pictures came back, messages -came back, and later the colonists came back, telling tales of the man -that grew and expanded month after month. And then, amazingly, the -Dillon Warp was perfected in the laboratory, and Bart Witton was the -first to petition for a ship, waiting eagerly for word from the home -offices that he could command the first ship to make a star-jump. The -world listened, and cheered, never quite understanding why, with all -the fame, he never returned to the planet from which he came, but at -every chance turned his back on quiet Earth, and his face toward the -stormy stars-- - -So the Star-jump Station went up under his direction, the most colossal -task ever undertaken in space, prelude to another infinitely more -colossal task, the establishment of a Warp receiver big enough to -handle a ship. Bart was the man the eyes of the world were watching -when he closed the last port on the new little ship, waved a rakish -farewell to the engineers and friends crowded near the ship, and then, -with a burst of brilliant purple, threw in the Warp, and flashed into -the hyperspace men had dreamed of but never before seen, jumping for -the stars-- - -He didn't make it, of course. The ship was an impossible, audacious -experiment, he didn't really have a chance. They brought him back, his -body wrenched and broken from the shock, the little ship torn almost -into ribbons. And from the wreckage they found the flaw, the vital -information to make safe Warp passage possible. They brought his body -back to Star-jump Station, and placed it with reverence in the pitted -little ship with which he had started his fabulous career. They knew -that the brilliant life was gone, like the last ashes of a dying nova. -And they knew that he had lead the way to the greatest era in the -history of Man-- - -I knew the whole story, of course. I knew the force that drove him, I -knew why he never came home. I knew the truth of the last night he had -seen Marny, the bitterness in his eyes and voice as he left. I knew -the depth of the love he had carried with him to the stars, and the -horrible dread he held in his heart of ever again coming back to the -earth he left, the dread of ever again seeing the girl he had loved. -I knew the depth of that personal battle that drove him closer to the -stars that were his, and ever away from the Earth which dealt him his -greatest bitterness-- - -And the girl? Marny should be home very soon now. It's getting late, -past 10:30, and the bridge-club never lasts later than 10:00. It's been -a quiet, comfortable evening, without a call, but a storm is blowing up -from the West, and the kids are getting restless. But, she'll be home -very soon, and go upstairs to kiss the kids goodnight, and it'll be -nice to lie in bed and listen to the thunder crack. Matter of fact, I -think I heard the garage doors slamming just a minute or two ago. She -still prefers the three-wheeler to the 'copter, particularly with the -parking problems we're having with 'copters these days. She should be -in any minute. - -But then, it may be a while before she comes. Sometimes she stops on -the porch, and just stands there, staring up at the stars, if the night -is clear. I've seen her, standing there for almost an hour, sometimes, -just staring up at the blackness with tears in her eyes. But she always -comes in, and I never ask her what she's been thinking. I don't think -I'd want to know. - -And me? I never look at the stars. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HEIR APPARENT *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, -and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following -the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use -of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for -copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very -easy. 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Nourse</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Heir Apparent</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Alan E. Nourse</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: April 01, 2021 [eBook #64963]</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net</div> - -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HEIR APPARENT ***</div> - -<div class="titlepage"> - -<h1>HEIR APPARENT</h1> - -<h2><i>By Alan E. Nourse</i></h2> - -<p>What drives a man to the stars on a life<br /> -of high adventure and grave peril? Even more<br /> -important—can a girl's love keep him home?</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy<br /> -October 1953<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus.jpg" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><i>We watched in silence as grim-faced, uniformed guards carried the -small bronze casket down from the space ship. There were thousands of -us standing there in the pouring rain, soaked to the skin. Yet somehow -we didn't notice the rain or the discomfort. We had waited years for -this moment, to honor a great man's triumphal return to Earth.... He -had waited too long. The odds he faced had finally cancelled out luck, -skill, and the guts a brave man needs to face space alone....</i></p> - -<p><i>They carried his casket by us, across the sopping field, boots sucking -noisily in the heavy mud. Instead of smiles there were tears that even -the rain couldn't hide. And many a woman sobbed openly now ... perhaps -thinking of her own son or husband up there someplace....</i></p> - -<p><i>I couldn't find any tears. And that was strange. For of all the -thousands of people watching his casket move slowly by, I should have -felt the deepest remorse.</i></p> - -<p><i>At least, when you kill a man you're supposed to feel that way....</i></p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It had been so hot that I was soaked through when I finished at the -hospital, and could think of nothing more enticing than a hot bath and -a long night's sleep. An interne's life isn't his own, and the evenings -I could call mine came so seldom I couldn't remember the last time -I'd been free. Still, there were those evenings, and tonight seemed -to be one of them, when I used to think I'd been foolish to keep from -entanglements that would interfere with my professional progress, -and begin to envy guys like Bart, with their black haired, blue eyed -girls. I was pleased when I saw the light on under my door, and found -Bart and Marny there. Marny was at the refrigerator pouring some beer, -and Bart was pacing back and forth like a tiger, his eyes bright with -excitement. "You should get another hospital," he exploded when I -opened the door. "Thought you'd never get here."</p> - -<p>"Can't tell women when to have babies," I growled. "Nobody's passed any -laws yet." I stripped off my shirt and disappeared toward the shower, -winking at Marny as I went. "And as for using my flat for immoral -purposes—"</p> - -<p>"Fat chance," she grinned, jerking a thumb at Bart. "The boy's on -a jag. He won't come near me." I heard the glasses clinking as I -showered, and slipped on a cool, fresh shirt. I found them both with -their noses in beer, Marny on the couch, Bart staring out at the dark -street. And I noticed the suppressed excitement in Bart's eyes as I -sank down in a chair.</p> - -<p>"Ok," I said. "So you've got news. Spill it."</p> - -<p>"<i>I passed the test, Ben!</i>"</p> - -<p>I squinted at him, puzzled. Something tried to clink down into place in -my mind. Test? It seemed to me I <i>had</i> heard something about a test. -"That's nice," I said. "What test?"</p> - -<p>"What test! Dillon's engineering competition, stupid! I told you about -that—"</p> - -<p>My eyes widened, and I sat bolt upright. "You mean the competition for -<i>crews</i>?"</p> - -<p>Bart nodded excitedly. "That's right. Dillon got the government to back -his contracts and research, and he'll be tripling the number of ships -in space within the next five years. He needs men—the best men he -can get to man those ships! And these tests are designed to pick the -best part for Dillon's crew—" He sank down on the davenport, his hands -trembling. "It was the only smart thing to do," he said. "Every mug on -the streets thinks that he wants to walk in and ferry a ship to Mars. -That wouldn't work—it takes too much knowledge, too much engineering -skill, and lots more. The men who go have got to be the best bets on -every score—the best to handle the long trips, the best for repairing, -reporting, exploring—everything. You saw what happened to the first -crews that went to Mars. There wasn't any provision for anything but -technical skill, and they were at each other's throats before they'd -cleared Earth's orbit. They practically killed each other—some went -loopy, some wouldn't come back home—Dillon had a real mess on his -hands. So the tests were set up for screening. The competition was -really stiff—"</p> - -<p>I stared at him. "And you passed the tests—"</p> - -<p>He was grinning from ear to ear. "I passed them—"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I heard a swift breath, and Marny was on her feet, picking up the -glasses swiftly, taking them to the kitchen. Suddenly there was a cold -breath in the room, and I caught the look on Marny's face. It was one -of those unguarded moments, one of those looks no woman ever wants a -man to see, but I saw it, and I saw the end of things in her eyes. A -look of horror and fear. For one brief instant the shield was down, and -I saw the terror and revulsion on her face and knew everything that -was going through that mind of hers. And then the look disappeared, -and she was walking back into the room, her face pale but composed, -watching Bart with a kind of blank sadness in her eyes. "That's—that's -wonderful, Bart," she said. "You didn't tell me you were taking it—"</p> - -<p>He looked up reddening. "I hardly dared tell anyone. It was such a -slender chance. I didn't see how I could possibly get through it—the -psych part, particularly. I may have to go out and hang by my knees -from the jets on the trips to keep myself from getting bored, but part -of the test was interested in idle-time creativity, and they said I got -through it better than anyone else—"</p> - -<p>She was staring at him, her eyes wide. "That means you'll be going into -Dillon's crew—"</p> - -<p>"It means I have a chance! The final sifting hasn't been finished, -there's a dozen more tests, a dozen performance checks, half a -thousand conditioning tests I'd have to take—but don't you see -what it means? It means I can go to space, Marny! It's a chance in a -thousand, and it's mine! Dillon's cut the ice, he's had half a dozen -ships up, but the real work's just begun. This puts me in on the ground -floor, Marny. There's no end to the possibilities—"</p> - -<p>She stared at him wordlessly. "But they say Dillon's an exploiter, -Bart—a madman. He's out for what he can make out of it, and nothing -more. You can't trust a man like that...."</p> - -<p>Bart shrugged indifferently. "Stories," he said. "Dillon's a pioneer. -Those who are afraid of space spread dirty stories, sure, but there's -no proof. Anyway, I won't fly <i>with</i> Dillon. He just builds the ships, -and his ships are the finest that can be built—"</p> - -<p>"But Bart, it's a fool's errand!" The girl's eyes were huge, filling -with tears. "You have a good job, a good home—you just <i>can't</i> go—"</p> - -<p>He blinked at her, unbelieving. "With a chance like this? To go to -space? I couldn't stay home—"</p> - -<p>She looked at him, and then at me, with the strangest baffled pain in -her eyes. She looked, suddenly, as though the bottom had dropped out of -her world. "You—you mean that, Bart?"</p> - -<p>The bafflement spread across Bart's face as he looked down at her. -"Marny, I—I don't understand this. You know what I've wanted. I've -told you time and again—"</p> - -<p>"Oh, yes, <i>talk</i>! But I never dreamed you <i>meant</i> it! Everybody talks -about going to space."</p> - -<p>"But not everyone gets the chance!" His voice was sharp in the still, -hot room.</p> - -<p>"But only a fool would go!"</p> - -<p>"Then I'm a fool." He turned away, and sank down slowly in a chair. "I -want it more than anything in the world."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The silence was deafening. When she spoke, her voice was hardly -audible. "Then I guess that's all there is to it."</p> - -<p>"What do you mean?"</p> - -<p>"I mean if you go, we're through. That's all."</p> - -<p>Bart blinked, his face pale. I could see his knuckles whitening on the -arms of the chair. "Marny, it's only a trip—"</p> - -<p>She was shaking her head, and her lower lip trembled. Her voice was -weak, and very, very tired. "No, Bart, not just a trip. A dozen trips, -or a thousand. It wouldn't make any difference." She took a deep -breath. "I'm sorry, Bart. I couldn't do it. Across the country, across -the ocean, yes. But space—no, I couldn't."</p> - -<p>"But you aren't being reasonable!" he exploded. "You act as though -it's the end of everything, as if a trip to Mars was something to get -excited about—look, Marny. We love each other—you know that, and I -know it, too. We could be married—this week, right away—I wouldn't be -going for at least six or eight months—why, I might not even make it -at all! The tests aren't over, this was just the first screening, and I -could flunk in a hundred thousand different ways—"</p> - -<p>"But you'd pass," she burst out. "You know you would. And then you'd -go, and go, and go—what kind of marriage would that be? What about -a home, or children? Oh, Bart, you know what happened to the others! -You'll die, you'll be killed—think of it! You don't know what you'd -find out there, and I couldn't stand it—" She looked up at him, and -her eyes were full of tears and bitterness. "It wouldn't be a marriage, -Bart. It couldn't be."</p> - -<p>Bart looked up at me, his eyes pleading. "Tell her, Ben—oh, tell her, -somehow—I can't, I don't know how—" He broke off, and walked to the -far side of the room, his whole body trembling—"You're not being -reasonable," he broke out hotly. "You've got to see—"</p> - -<p>"Take me home, Bart." The girl stood up trembling.</p> - -<p>"But Marny—"</p> - -<p>Something in her eyes cut him off, and he took her coat, helped her -into it almost savagely. "It's stupid," he said angrily. "It's stupid -and unreasonable—"</p> - -<p>"Please, Bart—"</p> - -<p>They left without another word, walking slightly apart, the anger and -hurt carving deep lines on Bart's face, Marny's eyes wide, her mouth -tight as she wiped her nose, her face white as death. I walked to the -window, my mind spinning, and saw them get into Bart's three-wheeler. -Then they were gone, down toward the city. For a long time I stood and -watched.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I knew that she'd come, sooner or later. She'd come to me many times -before, with big problems and little, and she knew that doctors have a -faculty for understanding some of the messes people get into. I wasn't -surprised to see her, the next day, coming up the stairs in that blue -dress that caught the blackness of her hair and the startling blueness -of her eyes. Her face was just as pale as the night before, but her -eyes were clear. As she sat down, a trifle uneasily, as though she -couldn't quite make up her mind whether she should have come or not, -she looked like one of those perfect, exquisite pink-and-white china -dolls. I sat down opposite, and offered her a smoke; she accepted, and -took a small puff with nervous fingers. "I don't know why I'm here," -she said, finally. "Oh, Ben, I just don't know what to do—"</p> - -<p>"Bart?"</p> - -<p>She nodded. "I didn't react so well last night, I guess—"</p> - -<p>"No," I said. "I guess you didn't."</p> - -<p>"But I didn't know what to say. It wouldn't have been right to have -pretended to be happy about it."</p> - -<p>I sighed. "That's true. There's no good in pretending—not at this -point."</p> - -<p>"But this was the first I realized he was really <i>serious</i>, Ben. Oh, -you know how he talks." She stared at her cigarette for a long moment. -"He's wonderful, Ben—" she said softly. "You know that, I think—"</p> - -<p>"He's the most wonderful guy alive."</p> - -<p>She looked up at me gratefully. "I think you mean that. I've known -it—ever since our first date. He brought me into a new world, a -completely new, wonderful, exciting world. I kept fooling myself that -I could be part of it, I guess, that somewhere he could find a place -for me there, too. He loves me, I'm sure of it—but I'm only part of -his world, just one tiny little facet—"</p> - -<p>I snuffed out my smoke, and looked over at her. "And you?" I said. -"What about your world?"</p> - -<p>Her voice was very low. "Bart's my world. All of it. Nothing else -really makes much difference to me."</p> - -<p>I felt a little chill run up my back. "Which means?"</p> - -<p>"I want to marry him anyway. Even if he goes, I want to marry him."</p> - -<p>I stood up and walked across the room, my mind racing. "Are you here -for advice, or did you just come to tell me this?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, Ben, I don't know! I can't think, I don't know what to do. Do you -think it could work, Ben? Somehow, could we <i>make</i> it work?"</p> - -<p>I looked at her for a moment. "I don't know. I haven't got the sort of -mind Bart has, or the sort of makeup. I actually don't know what makes -him go, Marny. But I know that there's a fundamental difference between -us. Me, I'm not anxious to go anyplace. Give me a quiet, middle-class -practice, and a home, and a wife, and a family, and I'll never want any -more. Give the same to Bart and he'd die. Ever since I've known him his -eyes have been on the stars. Can you understand that, Marny? That's -his life, everything that he wants. He's been aiming at the stars since -he was a kid, studying, working, getting into Rocket engineering, -meeting people, talking—all with one idea. To get into space, to go -places nobody has ever been. That's the kind of man Bart is. He's a -wanderer, a rover. Tie him down and he'd die." I looked at her closely. -"You'll kill him, Marny. No matter how much you try to give in, it'll -be a losing game. It'll always be a fight between you, and going out on -another trip. And you'll always lose. If you don't, you'll kill him. -That's all there is to it."</p> - -<p>There were tears in her eyes. "What should I do, Ben?"</p> - -<p>"Tie him down, and he'll shrivel up and die. Turn him loose, and -nothing in the universe can stop him. Let him go, Marny. Completely. -You can find another life down here, the sort of life you need. But -Bart could never find another life—"</p> - -<p>Her eyes were wide with pain and sadness. "There's no other way, Ben?"</p> - -<p>"If you love him, Marny, that's the only thing you can do—"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Bart was waiting for me, several nights later, when I got in from the -hospital. He was lying on the couch when I closed the door. His shirt -was open at the neck, and he didn't even move as I hung up my jacket in -the closet. Then he said: "Hi, Ben. Been waiting for you."</p> - -<p>"Beer?"</p> - -<p>He shook his head and sat up. He looked like he'd been through the -dishwasher. There were grey circles under his eyes, and he hadn't -shaved for a couple of days. But, worst of all was the look in his -eyes—a look of bewilderment and torture I'd never seen there before.</p> - -<p>"You look like hell," I said.</p> - -<p>"I feel like hell."</p> - -<p>"Marny?"</p> - -<p>He nodded, and lit a cigarette. After a puff or two he snubbed it out -in distaste. "Let's get some dinner," he said. All the way down to the -diner he sat in the car with his chin sunk in his chest. Finally he was -facing me in a booth, and he couldn't avoid my eyes any longer. "Marny -and I had a talk last night."</p> - -<p>"That's nice," I said. "What did you decide?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, it was awful. Why can't I keep my big yap shut once in a while? I -tried to reason with her, Ben. And she was so damn calm and collected, -and wouldn't budge an inch, so I started losing my temper, and then -she really blew up—" He looked at me miserably. "She's too good to -lose, Ben. It doesn't matter what it involves."</p> - -<p>I looked up, wide-eyed. "<i>What?</i>"</p> - -<p>He couldn't meet my eyes. "I'm not going. I'm mailing my resignation to -Dillon tonight."</p> - -<p>I just gaped at him. "Say that again, slower."</p> - -<p>"It's no go, Ben. I'm staying home."</p> - -<p>"So you can marry that girl?"</p> - -<p>He nodded silently.</p> - -<p>"So that's it," I said disgustedly. "The kitty cat has really shown her -claws. What are you, a puppet or something?"</p> - -<p>"Aw, now Ben—"</p> - -<p>"You silly fool. So it's stay home, or else no Marny, is it? You mean -to tell me she had the gall to put it <i>just like that</i>? And you're -swallowing it, like the world's prize sucker!"</p> - -<p>He looked up puzzled. "I—I just decided not to go, Ben. Maybe after -we're married she'll see things differently, but it just doesn't figure -any other way."</p> - -<p>I snorted. "It figures like a Hollywood production. Straight down the -line. Get the brains to working, Bart! Do you really think she's going -to marry you and let you go? Like so much baloney! What woman wants to -be a space-widow? She's not so dumb, Bart. She's playing for keeps, -and she isn't even subtle about it."</p> - -<p>"But what am I going to do? I'm in love with her, Ben."</p> - -<p>"Do you think she loves you?"</p> - -<p>"I—I'm sure of it."</p> - -<p>"But she won't even try to understand your side! My god, Bart, can't -you see what's happening? She's selfish, Bart. Just plain selfish. -She wants you, and she wants you on her own terms. There won't be any -compromise. Turn in that resignation, and you're sunk—"</p> - -<p>Anger lit in his eyes then. "It's not selfishness," he said doggedly.</p> - -<p>"Then what do you call it? Has she even listened to you? Has she given -even one little minute's consideration to how you feel?" I set down my -coffee cup in disgust. "Marny is a woman," I said slowly. "To women, -a husband and a home are the end of existence. Oh, there are other -things, sure, but basically, a woman wants a husband, and somewhere, -deep in her mind she has a picture of the vine-covered cottage in the -country and all the rest of the bilge that goes with it. Where does -a space-man fit into that picture? He doesn't. So there won't be any -space-man. Do you think she really loves you, Bart? If she did, would -she try to keep you here?"</p> - -<p>"But I love her, Ben—"</p> - -<p>"And she'll tear your heart out for it! You don't belong down here, -Bart. You belong with Dillon. You have the mind, the build, the -potential that Dillon needs. Think of it! Out of all the thousands who -want to go to space, you have the chance. You'll get to Mars, you'll -work to open the frontier, on Mars, on Venus—we're on the edge of the -greatest era of exploration and discovery the earth has ever known, -Bart. We have the ships to take us to our own planets now, we need -only the men with courage and strength enough to leave their homes and -go. And with the new work on induced warp that Dillon's laboratories -have been doing, it may not be long before we can go farther than our -system—on to the stars. You belong out there, Bart—you don't belong -anywhere, else. And against a challenge like that, <i>no</i> woman is worth -it. <i>Men like you can't stay, Bart.</i>"</p> - -<p>And then I saw the old light coming back into his eyes, the light I -knew I would see, the light that always appeared in his eyes when -he talked about the stars. I knew the key was turned now, that he -could never change, that he knew he had to go. "There's no end to the -possibilities," he said softly. "There's simply no end."</p> - -<p>He set down his coffee cup, and the light was still in his eyes. But -there was something else in his eyes, too, that hadn't been there -before. Call it pain, if you want, or disappointment. "I'll have to -think, Ben. I'll just have to think. But thanks for making me think."</p> - -<p>I drained my cup, and sat back with a sigh, and felt the music sing -through me. I knew the answer, now. "You won't be sorry," I said.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The rest of the story is history, of course. Probably he never fully -realized the part I had played in his decision. Possibly he wouldn't -have cared. He went through Dillon's screening at the top of the list, -and shipped on the little exploratory ship <i>Dillon's Dream</i>, and headed -out for Mars, with a little crew around him, driving into the blackness -of space as though he couldn't leave too soon. The landing was good, -and the work began. What he did there everybody knows, the gruelling, -dangerous work of opening the frontier, of exploring and mapping. Every -child today has seen the pictures he made, and sent back, working on -Mars until the first wave of colonists came, and then he was on his way -again, to Venus, working in the dust and horrible wind to open it up -for observation and study, working with a frenzied vitality, a fierce -urgent unity of purpose that turned into legend around him as his crews -came back. The staggering courage of the man, the fearlessness, the -eagerness to be first, to push farther and farther into the limitless -challenge of interplanetary exploration. Pictures came back, messages -came back, and later the colonists came back, telling tales of the man -that grew and expanded month after month. And then, amazingly, the -Dillon Warp was perfected in the laboratory, and Bart Witton was the -first to petition for a ship, waiting eagerly for word from the home -offices that he could command the first ship to make a star-jump. The -world listened, and cheered, never quite understanding why, with all -the fame, he never returned to the planet from which he came, but at -every chance turned his back on quiet Earth, and his face toward the -stormy stars—</p> - -<p>So the Star-jump Station went up under his direction, the most colossal -task ever undertaken in space, prelude to another infinitely more -colossal task, the establishment of a Warp receiver big enough to -handle a ship. Bart was the man the eyes of the world were watching -when he closed the last port on the new little ship, waved a rakish -farewell to the engineers and friends crowded near the ship, and then, -with a burst of brilliant purple, threw in the Warp, and flashed into -the hyperspace men had dreamed of but never before seen, jumping for -the stars—</p> - -<p>He didn't make it, of course. The ship was an impossible, audacious -experiment, he didn't really have a chance. They brought him back, his -body wrenched and broken from the shock, the little ship torn almost -into ribbons. And from the wreckage they found the flaw, the vital -information to make safe Warp passage possible. They brought his body -back to Star-jump Station, and placed it with reverence in the pitted -little ship with which he had started his fabulous career. They knew -that the brilliant life was gone, like the last ashes of a dying nova. -And they knew that he had lead the way to the greatest era in the -history of Man—</p> - -<p>I knew the whole story, of course. I knew the force that drove him, I -knew why he never came home. I knew the truth of the last night he had -seen Marny, the bitterness in his eyes and voice as he left. I knew -the depth of the love he had carried with him to the stars, and the -horrible dread he held in his heart of ever again coming back to the -earth he left, the dread of ever again seeing the girl he had loved. -I knew the depth of that personal battle that drove him closer to the -stars that were his, and ever away from the Earth which dealt him his -greatest bitterness—</p> - -<p>And the girl? Marny should be home very soon now. It's getting late, -past 10:30, and the bridge-club never lasts later than 10:00. It's been -a quiet, comfortable evening, without a call, but a storm is blowing up -from the West, and the kids are getting restless. But, she'll be home -very soon, and go upstairs to kiss the kids goodnight, and it'll be -nice to lie in bed and listen to the thunder crack. Matter of fact, I -think I heard the garage doors slamming just a minute or two ago. She -still prefers the three-wheeler to the 'copter, particularly with the -parking problems we're having with 'copters these days. She should be -in any minute.</p> - -<p>But then, it may be a while before she comes. Sometimes she stops on -the porch, and just stands there, staring up at the stars, if the night -is clear. I've seen her, standing there for almost an hour, sometimes, -just staring up at the blackness with tears in her eyes. But she always -comes in, and I never ask her what she's been thinking. I don't think -I'd want to know.</p> - -<p>And me? 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