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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Log-Cabin Lady, An Anonymous
+Autobiography, by Unknown
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Log-Cabin Lady, An Anonymous Autobiography
+
+Author: Unknown
+
+Release Date: September 27, 2006 [EBook #6500]
+Last Updated: March 9, 2018
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOG-CABIN LADY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Frontispiece]
+
+[Illustration: Titlepage]
+
+
+
+
+THE LOG-CABIN LADY
+
+An Anonymous Autobiography
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE
+
+The story of The Log-Cabin Lady is one of the annals of America. It is
+a moving record of the conquest of self-consciousness and fear through
+mastery of manners and customs. It has been written by one who has not
+sacrificed the strength and honesty of her pioneer girlhood, but who
+added to these qualities that graciousness and charm which have given
+her distinction on two continents.
+
+I have been asked to tell how the story of The Log-Cabin Lady came to be
+written. At a luncheon given at the Colony Club in 1920, I was invited
+to talk about Madame Curie. There were, at that table, a group of
+important women.
+
+When I had finished the story of the great scientist, whose service to
+humanity was halted by lack of laboratory equipment, and of the very
+radium which she had herself discovered, one guest asked: “Why do you
+spend your life with a woman's magazine when you could do big work like
+serving Madame Curie?” “I believe,” I replied, “that a woman's magazine
+is one of the biggest services that can be rendered in this country.”
+
+My challenge was met with scorn by one of the women upon whose education
+and accomplishments a fortune had been spent. “It is stupid,” she said,
+“to print articles about bringing up children and furnishing houses,
+setting tables and feeding families--or whether it is good form for the
+host to suggest another service at the dinner table.”
+
+“There are twenty million homes in America,” I answered. “Only eight
+per cent of these have servants in them. In the other ninety-two per
+cent the women do their own housework; bring up their own children, and
+take an active part in the life and growth of America. They are the
+people who help make this country the great nation that it is.”
+
+After luncheon one of the guests, a woman of great social prominence,
+distinguished both in her own country and abroad, asked me to drive
+downtown with her. When we entered her car she said, with much
+feeling--“You must go on with the thing you are doing.”
+
+Believing she referred to the Curie campaign, I replied that I had
+committed myself to the work and could not abandon it. “I was not
+referring to the Curie campaign,” she replied, “but to the Delineator.
+You are right; it is of vital importance to serve the great masses of
+people. I know. It will probably surprise you to learn that when I was
+fourteen years old I had never seen a table napkin. My family were
+pioneers in the Northwest and were struggling for mere existence. There
+was no time for the niceties of life. And yet, people like my family
+and myself are worth serving and saving. I have known what it means to
+lie awake all night, suffering with shame because of some stupid social
+blunder which had made me appear ridiculous before my husband's family
+or his friends.”
+
+This was a most amazing statement from a woman known socially on two
+continents, and famed for her savoir faire. There were tears in her
+eyes when she made her confession. She was stirred by a very real and
+deep emotion. It had been years, she said, since the old recollections
+had come back to her, but she had been moved by my plea for service to
+home women and to the great mass of ordinary American people.
+
+She told me that while living abroad she had often met American
+girls--intelligent women, well bred, the finest stuff in the world--who
+suffered under a disadvantage, because they lacked a little training in
+the social amenities.
+
+“It has been a satisfaction and a compensation to me,” she added, “to be
+able sometimes to serve these fellow country-women of mine.”
+
+And right there was born the idea which culminated in the writing of
+this little book. I suggested that a million women could be helped by
+the publishing of her own story.
+
+The thought was abhorrent to her. Her experience was something she had
+never voiced in words. It would be too intimate a discussion of herself
+and her family. She was sure her relatives would bitterly oppose such a
+confession.
+
+It took nearly a year to persuade this remarkable woman to put down on
+paper, from her recollections and from her old letters home, this simple
+story of a fine American life. She consented finally to write fragments
+of her life, anonymously. We were pledged not to reveal her identity.
+A few changes in geography and time were made in her manuscript, but
+otherwise the story is true to life, laden with adventure, spirit and
+the American philosophy. She has refused to accept any remuneration for
+the magazine publication or for royalties on the book rights. The money
+accruing from her labor is being set aside in The Central Union Trust
+Company of New York City as a trust fund to be used in some charitable
+work. She has given her book to the public solely because she believes
+that it contains a helpful message for other women, It is the gracious
+gift of a woman who has a deep and passionate love for her country, and
+a tender responsiveness to the needs of her own sex.
+
+ MARIE M. MELONEY.
+
+September 1, 1922.
+
+
+
+
+THE LOG-CABIN LADY
+
+
+
+
+I.
+
+I was born in a log cabin. I came to my pioneer mother in one of
+Wisconsin's bitterest winters.
+
+Twenty-one years later I was sailing for England, the wife of a diplomat
+who was one of Boston's wealthy and aristocratic sons.
+
+The road between--well, let it speak for itself. Merely to set this
+story on paper opens old wounds, deep, but mercifully healed these many
+years. Yet, if other women may find here comfort and illumination and a
+certain philosophy, I am glad, and I shall feel repaid.
+
+The first thing I remember is being grateful for windows. I was three
+years old. My mother had set me to play on a mattress carefully placed
+in the one ray of sunlight streaming through the one glass window of our
+log cabin. Baby as I was, I had ached in the agonizing cold of a
+pioneer winter. Lying there, warmed by that blessed sunshine, I was
+suddenly aware of wonder and joy and gratitude. It was gratitude for
+glass, which could keep out the biting cold and let in the warm sun.
+
+To this day windows give me pleasure. My father was a school-teacher
+from New England, where his family had taught the three R's and the
+American Constitution since the days of Ben Franklin's study club. My
+mother was the daughter of a hardworking Scotch immigrant. Father's
+family set store on ancestry. Mother's side was more practical.
+
+
+The year before my birth these two young people started West in a
+prairie schooner to stake a homestead claim. Father's sea-man's chest
+held a dictionary, Bancroft's History of the United States, several
+books of mathematics, Plutarch's Lives, a history of Massachusetts,
+a leather-bound file of Civil War records, Thackeray's “Vanity Fair”,
+Shakespeare in two volumes, and the “Legend of Sleepy Hollow.” My mother
+took a Bible.
+
+I can still quote pages from every one of those books. Until I was
+fourteen I saw no others, except a primer, homemade, to teach me my
+letters. Because “Vanity Fair” contained simpler words than the others,
+it was given me first; so at the age of seven I was spelling out pages
+of the immortal Becky.
+
+My mother did not approve, but father laughed and protested that the
+child might as well begin with good things.
+
+After mother's eighth and last baby, she lay ill for a year. The care
+of the children fell principally on my young shoulders. One day I found
+her crying.
+
+“Mary,” she said, with a tenderness that was rare, “if I die, you must
+take care of all your brothers and sisters. You will be the only woman
+within eighteen miles.”
+
+I was ten years old.
+
+That night and many other nights I lay awake, trembling at the
+possibility of being left the only woman within eighteen miles.
+
+But mother did not die. I must have been a sturdy child; for, with the
+little help father and his homestead partner could spare, I kept that
+home going until she was strong again.
+
+Every fall the shoemaker made his rounds through the country, reaching
+our place last, for beyond us lay only virgin forest and wild beasts.
+His visit thrilled us more than the arrival of any king to-day. We had
+been cut off from the world for months. The shoemaker brought news from
+neighbors eighteen, forty, sixty, even a hundred and fifty miles away.
+Usually he brought a few newspapers too, treasured afterward for months.
+He remained, a royal guest, for many days, until all the family was
+shod.
+
+Up to my tenth birthday we could not afford the newspaper subscription.
+But after that times were a little better, and the Boston Transcript
+began to come at irregular intervals. It formed our only tie with
+civilization, except for the occasional purely personal letter from
+“back home.”
+
+
+When I was fourteen three tremendous events had marked my life: sunlight
+through a window-pane; the logrolling on the river when father added two
+rooms to our cabin; and the night I thought mother would die and leave
+me the only woman in eighteen miles.
+
+But the fourth event was the most tremendous. One night father hurried
+in without even waiting to unload or water his team. He seemed excited,
+and handed my mother a letter. Our Great-Aunt Martha had willed father
+her household goods and personal belongings and a modest sum that to us
+was a fortune. Some one back East “awaited his instructions.” Followed
+many discussions, but in the end my mother gained her way. Great-Aunt
+Martha's house goods were sold at auction. Father, however, insisted
+that her “personal belongings” be shipped to Wisconsin.
+
+
+After a long, long wait, one day father and I rose at daybreak and rode
+thirty-six miles in a springless wagon, over ranchmen's roads (“the
+giant's vertebrae,” Jim Hill's men called it) to the nearest express
+station, returning with a trunk and two packing cases. It was a solemn
+moment when the first box was opened. Then mother gave a cry of
+delight. Sheets and bedspreads edged with lace! Real linen pillowcases
+with crocheted edgings. Soft woolen blankets and bright handmade
+quilts. Two heavy, lustrous table-cloths and two dozen napkins, one
+white set hemmed, and one red-and-white, bordered with a soft fringe.
+
+What the world calls wealth has come to me in after years. Nothing ever
+equaled in my eyes the priceless value of Great-Aunt Martha's “personal
+belongings.”
+
+I was in a seventh heaven of delight. My father picked up the books
+and began to read, paying no attention to our ecstasies over dresses and
+ribbons, the boxful of laces, or the little shell-covered case holding a
+few ornaments in gold and silver and jet.
+
+We women did not stop until we had explored every corner of that trunk
+and the two packing boxes. Then I picked up a napkin.
+
+“What are these for?” I asked curiously.
+
+My father slammed his book shut. I had never seen such a look on his
+face.
+
+“How old are you, Mary?” he demanded suddenly.
+
+I told him that I was going on fifteen.
+
+“And you never saw a table napkin?”
+
+His tone was bitter and accusing. I did n't understand--how could I?
+Father began to talk, his words growing more and more bitter. Mother
+defended herself hotly. To-day I know that justice was on her side.
+But in that first adolescent self-consciousness my sympathies were all
+with father. Mother had neglected us--she had not taught us to use
+table napkins! Becky Sharp used them. People in history used them.
+I felt sure that Great-Aunt Martha would have been horrified, even in
+heaven, to learn I had never even seen a table napkin.
+
+Our parents' quarrel dimmed the ecstasy of the “personal belongings.”
+ From that time we used napkins and a table-cloth on Sundays--that is,
+when any one remembered it was Sunday.
+
+Great-Aunt Martha's napkins opened up a new world for me, and they
+strengthened father's determination to give his children an education.
+The September before I reached seventeen, we persuaded mother to let me
+go to Madison and study for a half year.
+
+So great was my eagerness to learn from books, that I had given no
+thought to people. Madison, my first town, showed me that my clothes
+were homemade and tacky. Other girls wore store shoes and what seemed
+to me beautifully made dresses. I was a backwoods gawk. I hated myself
+and our home.
+
+With many cautions, father had intrusted eighty dollars to me for the
+half year's expenses. I took the money and bought my first pair of
+buttoned shoes and a store dress with nine gores and stylish mutton-leg
+sleeves! It was poor stuff, not warm enough for winter, and, together
+with a new coat and hat, made a large hole in my funds.
+
+I found work in a kindly family, where, in return for taking care of an
+old lady, I received room and board and two dollars a week. Four hours
+of my day were left for school.
+
+The following February brought me an appointment as teacher in a
+district school, at eighteen dollars a month and “turnabout” boarding in
+farmers' families.
+
+The next two years were spent teaching and attending school in Madison.
+When I was twenty, a gift from father added to my savings and made
+possible the realization of one of my dreams. I went East for a special
+summer course.
+
+No tubes shuttled under the Hudson in those days. From the ferry-boat
+I was suddenly dazzled with the vision of a towering gold dome rising
+above the four and five-story structures. The New York World building
+was then the tallest in the world. To me it was also the most
+stupendous.
+
+Impulsively I turned to a man leaning on the ferry-boat railing beside
+me. “Is n't that the most wonderful thing in the world?” I gasped.
+
+“Not quite,” he answered, and looked at me. His look made me
+uncomfortable. I could have spoken to any stranger in Madison without
+embarrassment. It took me about twenty years to understand why a plain,
+middle-aged woman may chat with a strange man anywhere on earth, while
+the same conversation cheapens a good-looking young girl.
+
+That summer I met my future husband. He was doing research work at
+Columbia, and we ran across each other constantly in the library. I
+fairly lived there, for I found myself, for the first time, among a
+wealth of books, and I read everything--autobiographies, histories, and
+novels good and bad.
+
+Tom's family and most of his friends were out of town for July and
+August. I had never met any one like him, and he had never dreamed of
+any one like me. We were friends in a week and sweethearts in a month.
+
+Instead of joining his family, Tom stayed in New York and showed me the
+town. He took me to my first plays. Even now I know that “If I Were
+King” and “The Idol's Eye”, with Frank Daniels, were good.
+
+One day we went driving in an open carriage--his. It was upholstered in
+soft fawn color, the coachman wore fawn-colored livery, and the horses
+were beautiful. I was very happy. When we reached my boarding house
+again, I jumped out. I was used to hopping from spring wagons.
+
+“Please don't do that again, Mary,” reproved Tom, very gently. “You
+might hurt yourself.” That amused me, until a look from the coachman
+suddenly conveyed to me that I had made a _faux pas_. Not long after I
+hurried off a street car ahead of Tom. This time he said nothing, but I
+have not forgotten the look on his face.
+
+Over our marvelous meals in marvelous restaurants Tom delighted to get
+me started about home. Great-Aunt Martha's “personal belongings” amused
+him hugely. He never tired of the visiting shoemaker, nor of the
+carpenter who declared indignantly that if we wore decent clothes we
+wouldn't need our bench seats planed smooth. But some things I never
+told--about the table napkins, for instance.
+
+
+We were married in September. Our honeymoon we spent fishing and
+“roughing it” in the Canadian wilds. I felt at home and blissful.
+I could cook and fish and make a bed in the open as well as any man.
+It was heaven; but it left me entirely unprepared for the world I was
+about to enter.
+
+Not once did Tom say: “Mary, we do this [or that] in our family.” He
+was too happy, and I suppose he never thought of it. As for me, I
+wasted no worry on his family. They would be kind and sympathetic and
+simple, like Tom. They would love me and I would love them.
+
+The day after we returned from Canada to New York I spent looking over
+Tom's “personal belongings”--as great a revelation as Aunt
+Martha's. His richly bound books, his beautiful furniture, his
+pictures--everything was perfect. That night Tom made an announcement:
+“The family gets home to-night, and they will come to call to-morrow.”
+
+“Why don't we go to the station to meet them?” I suggested.
+
+To-day I appreciate better than I could then the gentle tact with which
+Tom told me his family was strong on “good form”, and that the husband's
+family calls on the bride first. My husband's family came, and I
+realized that I was a mere baby in a new world--a complicated and not
+very friendly world, at that. Though they never put it into words, they
+made me understand, in their cruel, polite way, that Tom was the hope of
+the family, and his sudden marriage to a stranger had been a great
+shock, if not more.
+
+The beautiful ease of my husband's women-folk filled me with admiration
+and despair. I felt guilty of something. I was queer. Their voices,
+the intonation, even the tilt of their chins, seemed to stamp these new
+“in-laws” as aristocrats of another race. Yet the same old New England
+stock that sired their ancestors produced my father's fathers.
+
+Theirs had stayed in Boston, and had had time to teach their children
+grace and refinement and subtleties. Mine fought for their existence in
+a new country. And when men and women fight for existence life becomes
+very simple.
+
+
+I felt only my own misery that day. Now I realize that the meeting
+between Tom's mother and his wife was a mutual misery. I was crude. No
+doubt, to her, I seemed even common. With every one except Tom I seemed
+awkward and stupid. Poor mother-in-law!
+
+When she rose to go, I saw her to her carriage. She was extremely
+insistent that I should not. But this was Tom's mother, and I was
+determined to leave no friendly act undone. At home it would have been
+an offense not to see the company to their wagon. Even in Madison we
+would have escorted a caller to his carriage.
+
+Again it was the coachman who with one chill look warned me that I had
+sinned.
+
+Before Tom came home that afternoon he called on his mother, so no
+explanations from me were necessary. He knew it all, and doubtless much
+more than had escaped me. Like the princely gentleman he always was,
+the poor boy tried to soften that after-noon's blows by saying social
+customs were stupid and artificial and I knew all the important things
+in life. The other few little things and habits of his world he could
+easily tell me.
+
+Few--and little! There were thousands, and they loomed bigger each day.
+Moreover, Tom did not tell me. Either, manlike, he forgot, or he was
+afraid of hurting my feelings.
+
+One of the few things Tom did tell me I was forever forgetting. Napkins
+belonged to Sundays at home, and they were not washed often. It was a
+long-standing habit, to save back-breaking work for mother, to fold my
+napkin neatly after meals. Unlearning that and acquiring the custom of
+mussing up one's napkin and leaving it carelessly on the table was the
+meanest work of my life.
+
+Interesting guests came to Tom's house, and I would grow absorbed in
+their talk. Not until we were leaving the table would I realize that my
+napkin lay neatly folded and squared in the midst of casually rumpled
+heaps.
+
+One night, years later, I sat between Jim Hill and Senator Bailey of
+Texas at a dinner. Both men folded their napkins. I loved them for it.
+
+
+During that first year Tom made up a little theater party for a
+classmate who had just married a Philadelphia girl. With memories of
+Ben Franklin, William Penn, Liberty Bell, and all the grand old
+characters of the City of brotherly Love, I looked forward eagerly to
+making a new friend.
+
+The Philadelphian was even more languid than Tom's mother. She chopped
+her words and there were no r's in her English. I tried to break the
+ice by talking of the traditions of her city. She was bored. She knew
+only Philadelphia's social register. Just to play tit for tat, twice
+during the evening I quoted from “Julius Caesar”--and scored!
+
+We had just settled down in old Martin's Restaurant for after-theater
+supper when two tall gentlemen entered the room.
+
+“There's Tom Platt and Chauncey Depew,” remarked Tom's friend casually.
+
+United States senators are important people in Wisconsin--at least, they
+were when I was young. If a senator visited our community, everybody
+turned out. I knew much of both these men, and Tom had often spoken
+warmly of Depew. As they approached our table, Tom and his friend both
+stood up. Thrilled, I rose hastily. My eyes were too busy to see Tom's
+face, and I did not realize until afterward that the only other woman
+had remained coolly seated.
+
+On our way home, Tom told me, in his gentle way, never to rise from a
+dining table to acknowledge an introduction even to a woman--or a
+senator. That night a tormenting devil with the face of the other woman
+kept me awake. For the first time since my marriage I felt homesick for
+the prairies.
+
+
+And then we were invited to visit Tom's Aunt Elizabeth in Boston and
+meet the whole family. I was sick with dread. I begged Tom to tell me
+some of the things I should and should not do.
+
+“Be your own sweet self and they 'll love you,” he promised, kissing me.
+He meant it, dear soul; but I knew better.
+
+From the very first minute, Tom's Aunt Elizabeth made me conscious of
+her disapproval. In after years I won the old lady's affection and real
+respect, but I never spent a completely happy hour in her presence.
+
+The night we arrived she gave me a formal dinner. Some dozen additional
+guests dropped in later, and I was bewildered by new faces and strange
+names. Later in the evening I noticed a distinguished-looking
+middle-aged gentleman standing alone just outside the drawing-room door.
+Hurrying out, I invited him to come in. He inquired courteously if
+there was anything he could do for me.
+
+“Yes, indeed,” I assured him. “Come in and talk to me.” He looked shy
+and surprised. I insisted. Then Tom's aunt called me and, drawing me
+hastily into a corner, demanded why I was inviting a servant into her
+drawing-room.
+
+“Servant! He looks like a senator,” I protested. “He's dressed exactly
+like every other man at the party and he looks twice as important as
+most of them.”
+
+“Didn't you notice he addressed you as 'Madam'?” pursued Aunt Elizabeth.
+
+“But it 's perfectly proper to call a married woman 'Madam.'
+Foreigners always do,” I defended.
+
+“Can't you tell a servant when you see one?” inquired the old lady
+icily.
+
+I begged to know how one could. All Boston was summed up in her answer:
+“You are supposed to know the other people.”
+
+Tom's wife could have drowned in a thimble.
+
+
+The third day of our visit, we were at the dinner table, when I saw Aunt
+Elizabeth's face change--for the worse. Her head went up higher and her
+upper lip drew longer. Finally she turned to me.
+
+“Why do you cut your meat like a dog's dinner?” she snapped.
+
+Tom's protesting exclamation did not stop her.
+
+I laid my knife and fork on my plate and folded my hands in my lap to
+hide their trembling.
+
+Time may dim many hurts, but with the last flicker of intelligence I
+shall remember that scene. Even then, in a flash, I saw the symbolism
+of it.
+
+On one side--rare mahogany, shining silver, deft servants, napkins to
+rumple, leisure for the niceties of life. On the other hand--a log
+cabin, my tired mother with new babies always coming, father slaving to
+homestead a claim and push civilization a little farther over our
+American continent.
+
+A great tenderness for my parents filled my heart and overflowed in my
+eyes. I have, I confess, had moments of bitterness toward them. But
+that was not one of them.
+
+“I think I can tell you,” I answered, as quietly as I could. “It 's
+very simple. I was the first baby, and mother cut up my food for me.
+After a while she cut up food for two babies. By the time the third
+came, I had to do my own cutting. Naturally, I did it just as mother
+had. Then I began to help cut up food for the other babies. It 's a
+baby habit. And I must now learn to cut one bite at a time like a
+civilized grown person.”
+
+Even Aunt Elizabeth was silenced. But Tom rose from the table,
+swearing. My father would not have permitted a cowpuncher to use such
+language before my mother. But I loved Tom for it.
+
+However, I did not sleep that night. Next morning Tom's Aunt Elizabeth
+apologized, and for Back Bay was really unbending.
+
+Some days later we returned to New York, and I thought my troubles were
+over for a time. But the first night Tom came home full of excitement.
+He had been appointed to the diplomatic corps, and we were to sail for
+England within a month!
+
+The news struck chill terror to my heart. With so much still to learn
+in my native America, what on earth should I do in English society?
+
+
+
+
+II.
+
+More than two months passed after the night my husband announced his
+foreign appointment before we sailed for England.
+
+I planned to study and to have long talks with him about the customs of
+fashionable and diplomatic Europe, but alas! I reckoned without the
+friends and pretended friends who claim the time of a man of Tom's
+importance. Besides, he and I had so many other things to discuss.
+
+So the sailing time approached, and then he announced that we were to be
+presented at court! I was thrilled half with fear and half with joy.
+
+I remembered from my reading of history that some of England's kings had
+not spoken English and that French had been the court language. I
+visited a bookstore and purchased what was recommended as an easy road
+to French, and spent all morning learning to say, “l'orange est un
+fruit.” I read the instructions for placing the tongue and puckering
+the lips and repeated les and las until I was dizzy. Then I looked
+through our bookcases for a life of Benjamin Franklin. I knew he had
+gone to court and “played with queens.”
+
+But the great statesman-author-orator gave me no guide to correct form
+or English social customs. Instead I grew so interested in the history
+of his work in England and France and in his inspiring achievement in
+obtaining recognition and credit for the United States that dinner time
+arrived before I realized I had not discovered what language was spoken
+at court, nor what one talked about, nor if one talked at all.
+
+Tom roared when I made my confession. With his boyish good humor he
+promised to answer all my questions on board ship.
+
+So, without a care in those delicious days that followed, I wandered
+down Sixth Avenue to New York's then most correct shops, buying clothes
+and clothes and clothes. I bought practical and impractical gifts for
+the twins back in Wisconsin and for all the family and those good
+friends who had helped me through Madison.
+
+The week before we sailed my husband said, out of a clear sky: “Be sure
+you have the right clothes, Mary. The English are a conservative lot.”
+ Suddenly I was conscious again that I did not know the essential things
+the wife of a diplomat ought to know--what to wear and when, a million
+and one tremendous social trifles.
+
+The moment our magnificent liner left the dock I heaved a sigh of
+relief. Tom would be mine for two whole weeks, and all the questions I
+had saved up would be answered. That evening he announced: “We don't
+dress for dinner the first night out.”
+
+“Dress for dinner?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
+
+And then very gently he gave me my first lesson. I had never seen
+anything bigger than a ferry-boat. How could I guess that even on an
+ocean liner we did not leave formality behind? The “party dresses”,
+so carefully selected, the long, rich velvet cape I had thought
+outrageously extravagant, and the satin slippers and the suede--I had
+packed them all carefully in the trunk and sent them to the hold of the
+ship. But, with the aid of a little cash, the steward finally produced
+my treasure trunk, and thereafter I dressed for dinner.
+
+The two weeks I had expected my husband to give me held no quiet hours.
+There is no such thing, except when one is seasick, as being alone
+aboard a ship. Tom was popular, good at cards and deck games, always
+ready to play. And the fourth day out I was too ill to worry about the
+customs at the Court of St. James.
+
+It was not until just before we reached England that I began to feel
+myself again. I stood on deck, thrilled with the tall ships and the
+steamers, the fishing smacks and the smaller craft in Southampton
+harbor.
+
+“What will be the first thing you do in London?” somebody asked me.
+
+“Go to Mayfair to find the home of Becky Sharp,” I answered. Becky
+Sharp was as much a part of English history to me as Henry VIII or Anne
+Boleyn or William the Conqueror. When my husband and I were alone he
+said: “I think they have picked out No. 21 Curzon Street as the house
+where Becky Sharp is supposed to have lived. But what a funny thing for
+you to want to see first!”
+
+I remembered what old Lord Steyne had said to Becky: “You poor little
+earthen pipkin. You want to swim down the stream with great copper
+kettles. All women are alike. Everybody is striving for what is not
+worth the having.”
+
+I was quite sure I did not want to drift down the stream with copper
+kettles. I only wanted to be with Tom, to see England with him, to
+enjoy Dr. Johnson's haunts, to go to the “Cheddar Cheese” and the
+Strand, to Waterloo Bridge, and down the road the Romans built before
+England was England.
+
+I wanted to see the world without the world seeing me. In my heart was
+no desire to be a copper kettle. But I had been cast into the stream,
+and down it I must go, like a little fungus holding to the biggest
+copper kettle I knew.
+
+I told my husband this. It was the first time he had been really
+irritated with me. “Why do you worry about these things?” he protested.
+“You have a good head and a good education. You are the loveliest woman
+in England. Be your own natural self and the English will love you.”
+ But I remembered another occasion when he had told me to be my own
+natural sweet self.
+
+“How about what happened to Becky?” I asked.
+
+Tom went into a rage. “Why do you insist on comparing yourself with
+that little ------!” The word he used was an ugly one. I did not speak
+to him again until after we had passed the government inspectors.
+
+
+I shall never forget my first day in London, the old, quiet city where
+everybody seemed so comfortable and easy-going. There was no show, no
+pretense. The people in the shops and on the street bore the earmarks
+of thrift. I understood where New England got its spirit.
+
+The first morning at the Alexandra Hotel, Tom fell naturally into the
+European habit of having coffee and fruit and a roll brought to his bed.
+I wanted to go down to the dining room. My husband said it was not done
+and I would be lonesome. The days of ranch life had taught me to get up
+with the chickens. But it was not done in London. The second morning
+the early sun was too much for me. I dressed, left the hotel, and
+walked for several hours before a perfect servant brought shining plates
+and marmalade, fruit and coffee to my big husky football player's
+bedside. I have lived many years in Europe, but I have never grown used
+to having breakfast brought to my room.
+
+That second rainy morning Tom left me alone with the promise of being
+back for luncheon. I picked up a London morning paper and glanced at
+the personal column. I have read it every day since when I could get
+hold of the London Times. All of human nature and the ups and downs of
+man are there, from secondhand lace to the mortgaged jewels of
+broken-down nobility, from sporting games and tickets for sale to
+relatives wanted, and those mysterious, suggestive, unsigned messages
+from home or to home. I read the news of the war. We in America did
+not know there was a war. But Greece and Crete were at each other's
+throats, and Turkey was standing waiting to crowd the little ancient
+nation into Armenia or off the map. There was the Indian famine--We did
+not talk about it at home, but it had first place in the London paper.
+And the Queen's birthday,--it was to be celebrated by feeding the poor
+of East London and paying the debts of the hospitals. There was
+something so humane, so kindly, so civilized about it all! “I love
+England,” I said, and that first impression balanced the scale many a
+time later when I did not love her.
+
+
+The third or fourth day brought an invitation to dine at a famous house
+on Grosvenor Square--with a duke!
+
+I pestered my husband with questions. What should I wear? What should
+I talk about? He just laughed.
+
+The paper had reported a “levee ordered by the queen”, describing the
+gowns and jewels worn by the ladies.
+
+I had little jewelry--a diamond ring, which Tom gave me before we were
+married, a bracelet, two brooches, and a string of gold beads, which
+were fashionable in America. I put them all on with my best bib and
+tucker. When we were dressed, Tom gave me one look and said, “Why do
+you wear all that junk?” I took off one of the brooches and the string
+of gold beads.
+
+When our carriage drew up to the house on Grosvenor Square, liveried
+servants stood at each side of the door, liveried servants guided us
+inside. There was a gold carpet, paintings of ladies and gentlemen in
+gorgeous attire, and murals and tapestries in the marble halls. But I
+quickly forgot all of this grandeur listening to the names of guests
+being called off as they entered the drawing-room: Mr. Gladstone and
+Mrs. Gladstone, Lord Rosebery and the Marquis of Salisbury, Mrs. Humphry
+Ward, looking fatter and older than I had expected, officers, colonels,
+viscounts, and ladies, and then Tom and Mary--but they were not called
+off that way. I wanted to meet Mr. Gladstone, and hoped I might even be
+near him at dinner; but I sat between a colonel and a young captain of
+the Scots Greys.
+
+
+Mr. Gladstone was on the other side of the table. It was a huge table,
+more than five feet wide and very long. My husband was somewhere out of
+sight at the other end. Mr. Gladstone mentioned the fund being raised
+for the victims of the Paris Opera Comique fire. It is good form to be
+silent in the presence of death, especially when death is colossal, and
+the English never fail to follow good form. There was a sudden lull at
+our end of the table.
+
+It was I who broke that silence. I was touched by the generosity of
+England, and said so. Since my arrival I had daily noted that England
+was giving to India, sending relief to Greece and Armenia, raising a
+fund for the fire sufferers, and celebrating the Queen's Jubilee by
+feeding the poor. I addressed my look and my admiring words to Mr.
+Gladstone.
+
+Either my sincerity or the embarrassment he knew would follow my
+disregard of “the thing that is done” moved Mr. Gladstone's sympathy.
+He smiled across the table at me and answered, “I am so glad you see
+these good points of England.” It was about the most gracious thing
+that was ever done to me in my life. In England it is bad form to speak
+across the table. One speaks to one's neighbor on the right or to one's
+neighbor on the left; but the line across the table is foreign soil and
+must not be shouted across.
+
+That night my husband said: “I forgot to tell you. They never talk
+across the table in England.” I chided him, and with some cause. I had
+soon discovered that in England, as in America, it was not enough to be
+“my own natural self.” But I came to love Mr. Gladstone. Long after
+that I told him the story of Mrs. Grant, who, when an awkward young man
+had broken one of her priceless Sevres after-dinner coffee cups, dropped
+hers on the floor to meet him on the same level. “Any woman who, to put
+any one at ease, will break a priceless Sevres cup is heroic,” I said.
+His answer, though flippant, was pleasant: “Any man who would not smile
+across the table at a lovely woman is a fool.”
+
+Mr. Gladstone always wore a flower in his button-hole, a big, loose
+collar that never fitted, a floppy black necktie, and trousers that
+needed a valet's attention. He was the greatest combination of
+propriety and utter disregard of conventions I had ever seen.
+
+The event next in importance to a presentation at court was a tea at
+which the tea planter Sir Thomas Lipton was one of the guests. He was
+not Sir Thomas then, but was very much in the limelight, having
+contributed twenty-five thousand pounds to the fund collected by the
+Princess of Wales to feed the poor of London in commemoration of Queen
+Victoria's Diamond Jubilee.
+
+The Earl of Lathom, then the Lord Chamberlain, who looked like Santa
+Claus and smiled like Andrew Carnegie, was among the guests; so were Mr.
+and Mrs. Gladstone. Since the night he had talked to me across the
+table I always felt that Mr. Gladstone was my best friend in England.
+He had a sense of humor, so I said: “Is there anything pointed in asking
+the tea king to a tea?” That amused Gladstone. He could not forgive
+Lipton parting his hair in the middle.
+
+That night I repeated my joke to Tom. Instead of smiling, he said:
+“That's not the way to get on in England. It 's too Becky Sharpish.”
+
+
+And then came the day of the queen's salon. Victoria did not often have
+audiences, the Prince of Wales or some other member of the royal family
+usually holding levees and receiving presentations in her name.
+
+Tom had warned me that there were certain clothes to be worn at a
+presentation. I asked one of my American friends at the embassy, who
+directed me to a hairdresser--the most important thing, it seemed, being
+one's head. She told me also to wear full evening dress, with long
+white gloves, and to remove the glove of the right hand.
+
+The hairdresser asked about my jewels. Remembering what Tom had said
+about “junk”, I said I would wear no jewels. She was horrified, I would
+have to wear some, she insisted, if only a necklace of pearls. She
+tactfully suggested that if my jewels had not arrived I could rent them
+from Mr. Somebody on the Strand. It was frequently done, she said, by
+foreigners.
+
+My friend at the embassy was politely surprised that Tom's wife would
+think of renting real or imitation jewels. In the end I insisted upon
+going without jewels. I had the required plumes in my hair, and the
+veil that was correct form at court, and my lovely evening gown and
+pearl-embroidered slippers, which were to me like Cinderella's at the
+ball.
+
+Before I left the hotel I asked Tom to look at me critically. I was
+still young--very young, very much in love, and unacquainted with the
+ways of the world, and so heaven came down into my heart when Tom took
+me into his arms and, kissing me, said: “There was never such a lovely
+queen.”
+
+It was about three o'clock when we reached the Pimlico entrance.
+Guards were on duty, and men who looked like princes or very important
+personages in costume, white stockings, black pumps, buckles, breeches,
+and gay coats, stood at the door. Inside the hall a gold carpet
+stretched to the marble stairs. It was a wonderful place, and I wanted
+to stop and look. I was conscious of being a “rubber-neck.” I might
+never see another palace again.
+
+We were guided up wonderful stairs and led into a sumptuous room, where,
+with the other guests, we waited for the arrival of the queen and the
+royal family. No one does anything or says anything at a salon. A
+“drawing-room” is a sacred rite in England. It is recorded on the first
+page of the news, taking precedence over wars, decisions of supreme
+courts, famines, and international controversies. Her Majesty receives.
+To the Englishman, to be presented at court is to be set up in England
+as class, to be worshiped by those who have not been in the presence of
+the queen, and to pay a little more to the butcher and milliner.
+
+I should have loved that “drawing-room” if I could have avoided the
+presentation. It was an impressive picture--the queen with a face like
+a royal coin, a fine, generous forehead and beautiful nose, her
+intelligent and kindly eyes, her ample figure, her dignity come from
+long, long years of rule. Back of her the Prince of Wales and the Prime
+Minister, who in later years I found myself always comparing to little
+Mr. Carnegie, the Viscount Curzon with his royal look, and in the
+foreground Sir S. Ponsonby-Fane, in white silk stockings, pumps and
+buckles, with sword and gold lace, and high-collared swallow-tailed
+coat. I admired the queen's black moire dress, her headdress of
+priceless lace, her diamonds, her high-necked dress held together with
+more diamonds, and her black gloves, in striking contrast to our own. I
+was enjoying the picture.
+
+Then my name was called.
+
+
+I had been thinking such kindly things of England--Mr. Balfour fighting
+for general education; Mr. Gladstone struggling to make England push
+Turkey back and save Greece; all England raising money for the fire
+sufferers of Paris and the Indian famine. What a humanitarian race they
+were! I felt as pro-England as any of the satellites in that room, and
+almost as much awed. But back of it all was a natural United States
+be-natural-as-you-were-born impulse. Neither Back Bay Boston nor Tom's
+Philadelphia friends had been able to repress it. When my name was
+called and I stepped up, I made the little bow I had practised for hours
+the day before and that morning; and then, as I looked into the eyes of
+the queen, I held out my hand! It was the instinctive action of a
+free-born American.
+
+I have realized in the years since what a real queen she was. Smiling,
+she extended her hand--but not to be touched. It was a little wave, a
+little imitation of my own impulsive outstretching to a friend; then her
+eyes went to the next person, and I was on my way, having been presented
+at court and done what “is not done” in England.
+
+Tom's mission in England was important. He had friends, and there were
+distinguished people in England who regarded him and his family of
+sufficient value to “take us aboard.” They were most gracious and
+kindly. But Tom's eyes were not smiling.
+
+
+That night my husband said some very frank things to me. His position,
+and even the credit of our country to some extent, depended upon our
+conduct. He did not say he was ashamed of me, and in my heart I do not
+think he was; but he regretted that I had not been trained in the little
+things upon which England put so much weight. He suggested my employing
+a social secretary.
+
+“What I need, Tom,” I said, “is a teacher. You have told me these
+customs are not important. They are important. I need some one to
+teach them to me, and I propose to get a teacher.”
+
+In the personal columns of the Times I had read this advertisement:
+
+ 'A lady of aristocratic birth and social training
+ desires to be of service to a good-paying guest.'
+
+I swallowed my pride and answered it. I was not her paying guest, but I
+employed this Scotch lady of aristocratic birth and social experience.
+
+On the first day at luncheon, which we ate privately in my apartment,
+she said: “In England a knife is held as you hold a pen, the handle
+coming up above the thumb and between the thumb and first finger.” My
+sense of humor permitted me to ask, after trying it once, “What do you
+do when the meat is tough?” The Scotch aristocrat never smiled. “It is
+n't,” she answered.
+
+I was humiliated and a little soul-sick before that luncheon ended.
+I had been told to break each bite of my bread; a lady never bites a
+piece of bread. I had been told to use a knife to separate my fish,
+when I had learned, oh, so carefully, in America to eat fish with a fork
+and a piece of bread. I might have laughed about it all had not so much
+been at stake, even Tom's respect.
+
+
+
+
+III.
+
+The Scotch lady of aristocratic birth and social experience lived with
+me one terrible week. On the seventh day I came home from shopping with
+presents for the twins back in Wisconsin. A day or so earlier, while my
+mentor was out of the room, I had asked the chef waiter of our floor
+about himself and his family, and found that his family too included
+twins. So with the present for my family I also brought some for his.
+
+Mr. MacLeod, the member of Parliament from Scotland, and Lord Lansdowne
+happened to be calling when I arrived, and Tom and the Scotch lady were
+there. The chef waiter was taking the coats of the gentlemen callers.
+I received the guests, acknowledged the introductions, and then, as I
+removed my own coat, I handed him the little package.
+
+When we were alone the Scotch lady turned to me. “In England,” she
+said, “ladies never converse with their servants, particularly in the
+presence of guests.”
+
+Then she sealed her doom. “Ladies never make gifts to their servants,”
+ she added. “Their secretaries, housekeepers, or companions disburse
+their bounty.”
+
+I remembered the old U. S. A. An American chef waiter might hope to be
+the father of a President. On the ranch I had cooked for men of less
+education and much worse manners than this domestic who brought my
+athletic husband's breakfast to his bedside and who happened to be the
+proud father of twins.
+
+I would learn table manners from an English lady of aristocratic birth
+and social experience; but when it came to the human act of a little
+gift to a faithful servant, I declared my American independence.
+
+I was homesick for Wisconsin, homesick for real and simple people.
+I wanted to go home! That night Tom and I had our first real quarrel,
+and it was over my dismissal of the Scotch lady of aristocratic birth.
+Life became intolerable for a while. I dragged through days of bitter
+homesickness. Nothing seemed real. No one seemed sincere. Life was a
+stage. Everybody seemed to be acting a part and speaking their pieces
+with guttural voices. Even my husband's voice sounded different--or
+else I realized for the first time that Boston apes London English. Tom
+had learned his mother tongue in Boston, and now suddenly he seemed like
+a foreigner to me simply because he spoke like these other foreigners.
+The sun went out of my heaven. I was dumb with loneliness and sick with
+the fear of lost faith. Could it be that my husband was affecting these
+English mannerisms? Certainly he seemed at home in England, while I
+seemed to be adrift, alone in an arctic ocean.
+
+I had no friend in England, and more and more my husband's special work
+was engrossing him. When we were together I felt tongue-tied. He had
+tried to be gentle with me; but I was strange in this world of his, and
+lonely and sensitive. I had dreamed so much of this world, and now that
+I was in it, it was false and petty. I longed for the United States,
+for my Northwest, for my hills and wide, far plains. I wanted to meet
+somebody from Madison who smiled like a friend.
+
+One day Tom looked at me searchingly, and said I must be ill.
+
+I confessed to a little homesickness. Tom became very attentive.
+He took me sightseeing. We lunched at the quaint inn where Dickens
+found his inspiration for “Pickwick Papers” and where the literary
+lights of London foregathered and still foregather for luncheon. We sat
+in one of the cozy little stalls--just Tom and I.
+
+Suddenly it swept over me that life had gone all wrong. Here was a
+dream come true, and no joy in my heart. Tom asked me for my thoughts.
+I told him, quite frankly, I was thinking of home. I was thinking of
+mother in her cotton house dress with her knitted shawl around her
+shoulders, of father in his jeans and high boots tramping over the range
+with the men; I saw the cow and the pigs and the chickens, the smelly
+corral and the water hole, the twins trying to rub each other's face in
+the mud. And I was thinking--Tom would n't fit into my world, and I
+could not belong to his. That was the second time I heard Tom swear.
+He wanted to know what kind of a snob I thought he was. He'd be as much
+at home with dad on the ranch as he was in London. “The fault is with
+you,” he said. “You 're not adaptable, and you don't try to be.”
+
+Tom did n't understand. He never did. In all the years together, which
+he made so rich and happy, Tom never understood how hard and bitter a
+school was that first year of my married life. But Tom did try to give
+me a good time in London. He took me to interesting places and we were
+entertained by a number of people, mostly ponderous and stupid. Tom did
+not suggest that we entertain in our turn. I think he felt I was not
+ready for it, although even in after years, when we talked frankly about
+many things, he would never admit this.
+
+I shall never forget my first week-end party in England. I was not
+well, and Tom, manlike, felt sure the change, a trip down to Essex and
+new people, would do me good. The thought of the country and a visit
+with some good simple country folk appealed to me too, so I packed the
+bags and met Tom at Victoria Station at eleven o'clock. Alas! It is a
+far cry from a Montana ranch to a gentleman's estate in England! My
+vision of a quiet visit “down on a farm” vanished the minute we stepped
+off the train. Liveried coachmen collected our baggage. They seemed to
+be discussing something; then I heard Tom say: “I guess that 's all.
+I 'll wire back for the rest of it.”
+
+
+We were led to a handsome cart drawn by a fine tandem team, and Tom and
+I were alone for a minute.
+
+“My God, Mary!” he burst out, “didn't you bring any clothes for us?”
+
+“I certainly have,” I retorted, sure I was in the right this time.
+“Your nightshirt and my nightgown; your toilet articles and mine; a
+change of underclothes; a clean shirt and two collars for you, and my
+new striped silk waist.”
+
+I shall never forget Tom's expression.
+
+“Do you know where we are going?” he groaned. “To one of the grandest
+houses in England! Oh, Lord! I ought to have told you. You 'll need
+all the clothes you have down here. And--and a valet and maid will
+unpack the bags--oh, hell!” After more of the same kind of talk, he
+began to cook up some yarn to tell the valet.
+
+Suddenly all that is free-born in me rose to the surface. “Is it the
+thing for gentlemen to be afraid of the valet?” I asked my husband.
+“Does a servant regulate your life and set your standards?”
+
+Tom was quiet for several moments; then he took my hand and said very
+earnestly: “Mary, don't you ever lose your respect for the real things.
+It will save both of us.” After a while he added: “Just the same, I 'll
+have to lie out of this baggage hole.”
+
+He did, in a very casual, laughing way--such a positive set of lies that
+I marveled and began to wonder how much of Tom was acting and how much
+was real.
+
+Tom went back to London on the next train, and reached the “farm” with
+our baggage before it was time to dress for the eight-o'clock dinner.
+
+The dinner was long and stupid. After dinner the women went into the
+drawing-room and gossiped about politics and personalities until the men
+joined them, when they sat down to cards. I did not know how to play
+cards, and so was left with a garrulous old woman who had eaten and
+drunk over-much.
+
+
+It had been a long day for me. I was ill and tired. Suddenly sleep
+began to overpower me. I batted my eyes to keep them open. I tried
+looking at the crystal lights, but my leaden eyes could not face them.
+The constant drone of that old woman was putting me to sleep. I tried
+to say a few words now and then to wake myself. I felt myself slipping.
+Once my head dropped and came up with a jerk. I watched the great
+French clock. Its hands did not seem to move. I looked at Tom. He was
+absorbed in his game. I could not endure it another minute. I went
+over and said good night to my hostess who had spoken to me only once
+since my arrival.
+
+Drowsy as I was, I noticed she seemed surprised. “Oh, no,” I told her;
+“I am not ill, only very sleepy.”
+
+How good my pillow felt!
+
+The next morning Tom was cross. I had made a _faux pas_. I had shown I
+was bored and peeved and had gone to bed before the hostess indicated it
+was bedtime. It “was n't done” in England.
+
+“What do you do if you can't keep awake?” I asked. “You slip out
+quietly, go to your room ask a maid to call you after you have had forty
+winks, then you go back and pretend you are having a good time,” said
+Tom.
+
+There were some bitter hours after we got back to London. But Tom won,
+and I promised to get a companion. Then there came into my life the
+most wonderful of friends. She was the widow of a British Army officer
+who had been killed in India, and her only child was dead. She was a
+woman of education and heart; she understood my needs, all of them, and
+I interested her. She had seen great suffering; she had a deep feeling
+for humanity and an honest desire to be of use in the world. In the
+English register my companion was listed as the Honorable Evelyn, but we
+quickly got down to Mary and Eve. We loved each other. Eve went to
+France with us a few months later. She made me talk French with her.
+My first formal dinner in France was a pleasant surprise. It was like a
+great family party--not dull and quiet like the English dinner, and ever
+so much more fun. Everybody participated. If there was one lion at the
+table, everybody shared him.
+
+[Illustration: p060.jpg MY FIRST FORMAL DINNER IN FRANCE]
+
+There is something in being born on a silken couch. Nothing surprises
+you. You are at ease anywhere in the world. Eve fitted into Paris as
+naturally as in her native London, I began to feel at home there myself.
+It was a city of happy people--care free, natural, sympathetic. There
+was a lack of restraint which, after the oppressive dignity of London,
+was a rare treat. No one was critical. Every one accepted my halting
+and faulty French without ridicule or condescension. The amiability and
+the friendliness of the French people thawed my heart and began to lift
+me out of my slough of homesickness. Happiness came back to me.
+
+There had been hours in England when only the knowledge that a woman's
+rarest gift was coming to me, and that Tom was proud and happy about it,
+kept me from running away--back to the simple life of my own United
+States.
+
+I was homesick for mother. Babies were a mystery to me, although I had
+helped mother with all of hers. We had buried three of them in homemade
+coffins--pioneering is a ruthless scythe, and only the fit survive. I
+began to understand my mother and the glory in the character which never
+faltered, although she was alone and life had been hard. How could I
+whine when I had Tom and a good friend--and life was like a playground?
+
+I loved the French. They regard life with a frankness which sometimes
+shocked my reserved Boston husband. He never accepted intimacy. The
+restraint of old England was still in his blood. The free winds of the
+prairie had swept it from mine.
+
+My new friends in Paris discovered my happy secret. It was my
+all-absorbing thought, and I was delighted to be able to discuss it
+frankly. Motherhood is the great and natural event in the life of a
+woman in France, and no one makes a secret of it. I was very happy in
+Paris. And then--Tom had to go to Vienna.
+
+Not even Tom, Eve, and the promised baby could make me happy there. In
+all the world I had seen no place where the line of class distinction
+was so closely drawn, where social customs were so rigid and court forms
+so sacred, as at the Austrian capital. Learning the social customs of
+Vienna seemed as endless as counting the pebbles on the beach--and about
+as useful. The clock regulated our habits in Vienna. Up to eleven
+o'clock certain attire was proper. If your watch stopped you were sure
+to break a social law. I once saw a distinguished diplomat in distress
+because he found himself at an official function at eleven-thirty with a
+black tie--or without one, I have forgotten which!
+
+At first it offended me to receive an invitation--or a command--to
+appear at a formal function, with an accompanying slip telling exactly
+what to wear. Then I laughed about it.
+
+Finally I rebelled. On the plea of ill health, I made Tom do the social
+honors for me, while Eve and I did the museums and the galleries and the
+music fetes. Years later I went back to Vienna, and I did not discredit
+my country. But I never loved the city. I enjoyed its art, its
+fascinating shops, its picturesque streets and people, and its beautiful
+women. But for me Vienna has the faults of France and England, the
+poverty and arrogance of London, and the frivolity of Paris, without
+their redeeming qualities.
+
+
+So I was glad to return to England. The second day in London, Tom took
+me to an exhibition important in the art world, or at least in the
+official life of London. Everybody who was somebody was there. I saw
+the Princess of Wales and the Marquis of Salisbury, who was then
+Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs. I saw Mr. Balfour, so handsome
+and gracious that I refused to believe there had ever been cause to call
+him “Bloody Balfour.” There was something kingly about him--yet he was
+simply Mr. Balfour. Years afterward I realized that to know Mr. Balfour
+is either to worship him or hate him. No one takes the middle course.
+I had begun to have a beautiful time that afternoon.
+
+I felt happy, acutely conscious of my blessings and of one coming
+blessing in particular. Mr. Gladstone joined us, and Sir Henry Irving
+came over to speak to Eve. She told him I had just said that England
+had a mold for handsome men. Irving was interesting and striking,
+though certainly not handsome; but he took the compliment to himself,
+smiled, bowed his thanks, and said:
+
+“And America for beautiful women.”
+
+Mr. Gladstone, too, could indulge in small talk. “You should have seen
+her rosy cheeks before she went to the Continent,” he said, and added
+kindly that I looked very tired and should go down to Hawarden Castle
+and rest.
+
+“Oh,” I explained happily, “it is n't that--I 'm not tired. It is such
+a happy reason!” I felt Eve gasp. Mr. Gladstone opened his kind eyes
+very wide, and his heavy chin settled down in his collar. It was the
+last bad break I made. But it was a blessing to me, for it robbed all
+social form of terror. For the first time, I realized that custom is
+merely a matter of geography. One takes off one's shoes to enter the
+presence of the ruler of Persia. One wears a black tie until eleven
+o'clock in Vienna--or does n't. One uses fish knives in England until
+he dines with royalty--then one must manage with a fork and a piece of
+bread. One dresses for dinner always, and waits for the hostess to say
+it is time, and speaks only to one's neighbor at table. In France one
+guest speaks to any or all of the others; all one's friends extend
+congratulations if a baby is coming; one shares all his joys with
+friends. But in England nobody must know, and everybody must be
+surprised. No one ever speaks of himself in England. They are
+sensitive about everything personal. But there is an underground and
+very perfect system by which everything about everybody is known and
+noised about and discussed with everybody except the person in question.
+It is a mysterious and elaborate hypocrisy.
+
+
+With the aid of Eve, I made a thorough study of the geography of social
+customs. I learned the ways of Europe, of the Orient, and of South
+America. It is easier to understand races if one understands the
+psychology of their customs. I realized that social amenities are too
+often neglected in America, and our manners sometimes truthfully called
+crude. But I told myself with pride that our truly cultivated people
+will not tolerate a social form that is not based on human, kindly
+instincts. It was not until the World War flooded Europe with American
+boys and girls that I realized the glory of our social standards and the
+great need to have our own people understand those standards.
+
+
+
+
+IV.
+
+Fear is the destroyer of peace. I knew no peace until I learned not to
+be afraid of conventions. The three most wretched years in my life
+might easily have been avoided by a little training at home or at
+school.
+
+I realize now the unhappiness of those first years of my married life.
+I was awkward and ill at ease in a world that valued social poise above
+knowledge. From my childhood I had loved honest, sincere people. After
+my marriage I met distinguished men and women, even a few who might be
+called great; but they, too, had their affectations and petty vanities.
+Being young, I judged them harshly because they set what I considered
+too much store upon absurd conventions.
+
+In the course of my travels since, I have come to realize that social
+customs are a simple matter of geography! What is proper in England is
+bad form in France, and many customs that were correct in Vienna would
+be intolerable in Spain. In the formal circles of Vienna no one spoke
+to anybody without an introduction. In Spain there was a more subtle
+and truly aristocratic standard. The assumption was that anybody one
+met in the home of one's host was desirable, and it was courtesy,
+therefore, to begin a conversation with any guest. This is the attitude
+also in parts of France.
+
+But in those first months I had not acquired my philosophy. I lived
+through homesick days, and some that were hard and bitter. I stayed
+with Tom that first year only because I was too bewildered to take any
+initiative, and because I kept hoping that things would right themselves
+and I would wake out of my nightmare. My baby came in the second year,
+and then I could not go home. The simple life of my own people slipped
+very, very far away. We made a hurried trip back to the United States
+that summer, but Tom would not consent to my going West. His own family
+wanted to see our baby, and they decided that the little fellow had
+traveled enough and should not be subjected to the hardships of a
+cross-country train trip. So Tom sent for mother and the twins to come
+to us, and they arrived at the Waldorf Hotel, where we were staying.
+Dear, simple mother, in her terrible clothes, and the twins, got up with
+more thought for economy than for beauty! I shopped extravagantly with
+them. The youngsters wanted to see everything in New York; but mother,
+despite all of those hard, lonely years in our rough country and the
+many interesting things for her to do and see in New York--mother wanted
+nothing better than to stay with the baby.
+
+
+With all the children she had brought into this world one might think
+she had seen enough of babies. But she adored my little son. How near
+she seemed to me then! How hungry I had been for her, without realizing
+it! I felt that she loved my baby boy as she had never loved me or any
+of her own children. And I understood why mother never had had time to
+love her own babies. In the struggle for existence of those hard years
+she had never had a minute to indulge in the pure joy of having her
+baby. I sat watching her with her first grandchild, so sweet in his
+exquisite hand-sewn little clothes, and suddenly I found myself crying
+hysterically.
+
+Mother was very dear to me from that day. Later in this chronicle I
+want to give a chapter to my mother and what we both suffered during
+this period of her visit to New York, for it marked the climax of my own
+development. When mother and the children started off on their return
+trip to the West, Tom sent them flowers and candy and fruit. He had
+already generously put financial worry away from my family for all time,
+but I knew that he was a little ashamed of some of mother's crudities.
+I wondered why I did not feel ashamed. I was very, very glad I did not.
+It gave me something tangible to cling to--a sure consciousness of
+power, that comes of knowing one possesses the true pride to rise above
+the opinions of other people.
+
+I would have given my life, that day, to be able to assure my family
+that material security which they owed to my husband, who neither loved
+nor understood them. I looked down the years and saw myself crushed by
+a burden of indebtedness to a man I felt I no longer loved. Only
+mother's grateful, simple happiness eased my hurt. I had never
+approached my mother, but I knew now that if her natural dignity and
+great, kind heart had been given the advantages that the women in my
+husband's family took as a matter of course, she would have been
+superior to them all. Yet they barely tolerated mother--no more.
+
+I longed to go home to my own warm, hearty, open West. I stood on the
+ferry after they had gone, thinking that, if my family were not so
+deeply indebted to my husband, I would leave him. I suppose I did not
+really mean that thought, but it made me unhappy. I felt disloyal and
+dishonest. Finally I told Tom. There was a scene; but from that day he
+began to understand me, and things were better. A few days later we
+came home from a dinner party, and, after going to the baby's room for a
+minute, Tom asked me to stay and talk. But he did not talk. For a long
+time he sat smoking and thinking. I knew he had something on his mind,
+and I waited. Finally I realized that he was embarrassed.
+
+“Can I help? Is it something I have done that has embarrassed you?” I
+asked.
+
+
+That was many years ago, but I can never forget the look Tom gave me.
+It held all the love of our courtship and something besides that I had
+never seen in his face before.
+
+“For God's sake, never say that to me again!” he cried. “Embarrassed
+me! I am proud of you--you never can know how proud. I was sitting here
+trying to think how to tell you something my mother said about you, and
+just what it means.”
+
+His mother! My heart dropped. His mother had never said anything about
+me, excepting criticism. I had been a bitter disappointment to her.
+Whatever she said would be politely cruel--at best, a damning with faint
+praise.
+
+“She said,” my husband went on, “that she is very happy in our marriage,
+completely satisfied, and that she has come to be proud of you. I don't
+know how to tell you just what that means.”
+
+I knew. I knew his mother could have given me no higher praise. I had
+learned what to her were the essentials; I had cultivated the manner she
+placed above price. But the realization brought self-distrust. Had I
+lost my honesty and sincerity?
+
+Tom went on to tell me that his mother had particularly admired my
+attitude toward my own mother, and the manner in which I met every
+little failing of hers. She felt I had a sense of true values in
+people, and that the simplicity and sureness with which I had met this
+situation was the essence of good breeding.
+
+I had not thought it possible that Tom's mother could understand my
+feeling for my mother and my honest pride in her real worth. Perhaps,
+I reflected, I had been unjust to my mother-in-law. I knew what a shock
+I had been to her in the early days of our marriage, and I knew only too
+well that even Tom had often regretted my ignorance of social usages.
+
+They are simple customs, and should be taught in every school in
+America, but I had not learned them. I was happy that night and for
+days afterward.
+
+Then we went back to Europe. Tom knew people on the steamer to whom I
+took a dislike. They were bold and even vulgar, and Tom admitted that
+he did not admire them. I made up my mind we should avoid them. The
+next afternoon I found Tom and that group walking the deck arm in arm,
+chatting affably. When we were alone, I asked Tom how he could do it.
+I know now that a man cannot hold an official position like Tom's and
+ignore politically important people. But he only said rather
+carelessly, and with a laugh, that it was one of the prices a man pays
+for public office.
+
+
+After that I noticed that my husband was known to nearly every one. He
+had a glad hand and a smile for the public--because it was the public.
+I watched to see if he had a slightly different smile for the people of
+Back Bay and his own particular social class; sometimes I thought he
+had, and it made me a little soul-sick.
+
+I longed for a home for my baby and a few friends I could love and
+really enjoy. I was not fitted to be the wife of a public man. It was
+the poverty and crudeness of my youth that had made me intolerant. One
+of the big lessons life has taught me is that people can be amiable,
+tolerant, and even friendly, and still be sincere. The pleasantry of
+social relations among the civilized peoples of the earth is a mere
+garment we wear for our own protection and to cover our feelings. It is
+the oil of the machinery of life. I have found that men and women who
+take part in the big work of the earth wear that garment of civility and
+graciousness, and yet have their strong friendships and even their
+bitter enmities.
+
+But I did not understand this when we went back to Europe. I only knew
+that my husband was amiable to people he did not like, and I questioned
+how deep his affection for me went. How much of his kindness to me was
+just the easiest way and the manner of a gentleman?
+
+A hard and bare youth had made me supersensitive and suspicious and
+narrow. I wanted to measure other people by the standards of my own
+primitive years. Out on the frontier we had judged life in the rough.
+Courage and truth were the essentials. A man fought his enemies out in
+the open, and made no compromises. There was nothing easy in life, no
+smooth rhythm. And I tried to drag forward with me, as I went, the bold
+ethics of the frontier. I resented good manners because I believed they
+were a cloak of hypocrisy.
+
+A few months after we returned to Europe the shadow of death crossed our
+path, swiftly and terribly. My little son died. Other babies came to
+us later, but that first little boy had brought more into my life than
+all the rest of the world could ever give. He had restored my faith in
+life, my hope, and for a while was all my joy.
+
+People were kind, but I felt that many called merely because it was
+“good form”--“the thing to do.” Bitterness was creeping into my heart.
+
+Yet why should it not be “the thing to do” to call on a bereaved mother?
+It is a gesture of humanity. Tom seemed very far away. I felt that his
+pride was hurt, perhaps his vanity; for he had boasted of the little
+fellow and loved to show him off. How little I understood!
+
+I bring myself to tell these intimate things because there is a lesson
+in them for other women--because I resent that any free-born American
+citizen should be handicapped by lacking so small and easily acquired a
+possession as poise, poise that comes with knowledge of the simple rules
+of the social game. It is my hope that this honest confession of my own
+feelings, due directly to lack of training, may help other women, and
+particularly other mothers whose children are now in the plastic years.
+
+It was my utter lack of appreciation of manners and customs in my
+husband's class that estranged me from Tom. I was resentful and
+antagonistic merely because I was different.
+
+
+My husband was suffering even as I was suffering; but no one realized
+it, least of all myself. Every one was especially kind to me, because I
+was a woman. People are rarely attentive and tender with men when loss
+comes. Men are supposed to be strong and self-controlled; their hearts
+are rated as a little less deep and tender than the hearts of women; yet
+when men are truly hurt they need love and care even as little children.
+
+A month after the baby's death, Tom and I were walking along the
+Embankment in London one Saturday afternoon, when we met a small girl
+carrying a little child. The baby was too tired to walk any farther; it
+was dirty, and was crying bitterly. Tom stopped, spoke to the girl, and
+offered to carry the baby, who soon quieted down on Tom's shoulder. At
+the end of that walk Tom's light summer suit was ruined. I expected him
+to turn with some trivial, jesting remark, but he said nothing. I
+looked at him and saw that his face was set and hard and his eyes wet.
+Without looking at me, he said: “Don't speak to me now.”
+
+That moment of silence revealed to me my husband's character better than
+months of talking.
+
+The next day my husband came to me and said: “Mary, I have asked for a
+leave of absence. We are going back to the United States. We are going
+out West to have a visit with your family.”
+
+Two years before I had believed that Tom would not fit into my
+Northwest. But in twenty-four hours Tom and my father were old pals.
+He was as much at home with mother and the children as I, and all the
+neighbors liked him. He was interested in everything on the ranch, and
+even in the small-town life of the village. He interested father in
+putting modern equipment on the ranch. He went hunting with the men,
+played games with the children, visited the little district schoolhouse,
+and found joy in buying gifts for the youngsters. When mother made a
+big platter full of taffy, he pulled as enthusiastically as a boy. As I
+stood at the corral, one day, and watched Tom with my youngest brother,
+I remembered him at the court of St. James, and I began to understand.
+
+Tom was natural. It was just a part of him to be kindly and gracious to
+everybody. I had never seen him angry with men of his own type, but I
+saw him furious enough to commit murder when a man on the ranch tied up
+a dog and beat her for running away. In after years I saw Tom angry
+with men of his own class; I saw him waging long, bitter fights against
+public men who had betrayed public trust. Something barbaric in me was
+satisfied that my kind, gently bred man was one with the men of my own
+tribe, who fought man and beast and the elements to take civilization
+farther west.
+
+Almost a generation slipped by between that visit to the West and the
+next scene in my life of which I shall write. Many things of personal
+and of national importance happened meantime, but they have nothing to
+do with this message to women. I was in France when the World War
+began. I had been in Vienna again, and in England at regular intervals.
+I had learned to accept life as I found it, and to get much joy out of
+living. Sometimes I chafed a little under the demands of social life
+and needless formalities, but I accepted them as inevitable.
+
+
+Then the world was torn in two. The earth dripped in blood and sorrow.
+Life became more difficult than on the frontier, and more elemental. I
+was present, in the first year of the war, in a house where the King and
+Queen of the Belgians were guests, where great generals and great
+statesmen had gathered on great and earnest and desperate business. I
+was only an onlooker, and I noticed what every one else was too absorbed
+to see. As the evening progressed, I realized that pomp and ceremony
+had died with the youth of France. King, generals, statesmen met as
+human men pitting their wits against one another, desperately struggling
+to find a way out of the hell into which they were falling.
+
+Twice the king rose to his feet, and no one else stood. They were all
+too deep in the terrible question of war.
+
+When the meeting was over and the guests of the house ready to retire,
+the little queen said very quietly: “Madam, may not my husband and I
+occupy this room together? It is very kind of you to arrange two suites
+for us, but I am sure there are many guests here to-night--and, anyway,
+I prefer to be near him.”
+
+The war had done that. Who would expect a queen to think of the
+problems of housing guests, even a great queen? And the war had made
+the king not the king, but her man, very near and very dear.
+
+Many other conventions I saw die by the way as the war progressed. Then
+America came in.
+
+There is a temptation to talk about America in the war, but, after all,
+that has no bearing on my story. Soon after the United States entered,
+American men and women began to arrive in Europe in great numbers.
+I met them everywhere; sight-seeing, in offices, at universities, at
+embassies and consulates. I met them and loved them and suffered for
+them.
+
+I was proud of something they brought to France that France needed, and
+I have no doubt that many of them took back to America something from
+France that we need.
+
+For pure mental quality and courage, no people on earth could match what
+the American girls took to France. It was the finest stuff in the
+world. They knew how to meet hardship without grumbling. They knew how
+to run a kitchen and see that hungry men were fed. They knew how to
+nurse, to run telephones, automobiles--anything that needed to be done.
+Some failed and fell by the wayside, but they were the smallest possible
+percentage.
+
+Those American girls knew how to do everything--almost everything.
+
+Two wonderful girls, one who ran a telephone for the army and another in
+the “Y,” both from the Middle West, were at headquarters the day the
+King and Queen of the Belgians arrived. With others they were sent to
+serve tea, and they served it. The “Y” girl, taking a young captain
+whose presence made her eyes glisten to her Majesty, said:
+
+“Captain Blank, meet the queen.”
+
+And the queen, holding out her hand, and never batting an eye to show
+that all the conventions had been thrown to the winds, said:
+
+“Captain, I am very happy to meet you.”
+
+They served tea--served it to the king, the queen, the general of the
+American army, and other important people. There was cake besides tea,
+and it was not easy to drink tea and eat cake standing. The telephone
+girl insisted that General Pershing must sit down. The king was
+standing, and of course, General Pershing continued to do the same.
+
+“Will you sit down?” said another girl to the king. “There are plenty
+of chairs.”
+
+That girl had done her job in France--a job of which many a man might
+have been proud--and on her left breast she wore a military medal for
+valor. The king touched the medal, smiled at her, and said he was glad
+there were plenty of chairs, for he knew places where there were not.
+
+But General Pershing and his cake still bothered the little Illinois
+girl, who went back at him again and asked him to sit down and enjoy his
+cake. The king indicated to the general to be seated.
+
+No one but General Pershing would have known what to do between the rule
+to stand when a king stands and the rule to obey the order of the king.
+He gracefully placed his plate on the side of a table, half seated
+himself on it, which was a compromise, and went on enjoying himself.
+The king sat down.
+
+If any one had told that girl the sacredness of the convention she had
+ignored, she would have suffered as keenly as I had suffered in my
+youth. It was such a simple thing to learn; yet who in the middle of a
+war would think of stopping to run a class in etiquette? The point is
+that any girl capable of crossing half the world to do a big job and a
+hard one in a foreign land should have been given the opportunity to
+learn the rules of social intercourse.
+
+
+I saw some American girls and men on official occasions at private
+houses and at official functions. They were clever, attractive,
+fascinating; but when they came to the end of their visit, they rose to
+go, and then stood talking, talking, talking. They did not know exactly
+how to get away. They did not want to be abrupt nor appear to be glad
+to leave.
+
+It would have been so simple for some one to say to them: “One of the
+first rules in social life is to get up and go when you are at the end
+of your visit.”
+
+I was in Paris when Marshal Joffre gave the American Ambassador, Mr.
+Sharp, the gold oak leaves as a token of France's veneration for
+America. There were young girls around us who did not hesitate to
+comment on everybody there. One little New Jersey girl insisted rather
+audibly that Clemenceau looked like the old watchman on their block;
+and a boy, a young officer, complained that General Foch “had not won
+as many decorations as General Bliss and General Pershing.” Some
+youngsters asked high officers for souvenirs. Many French people
+perhaps did worse, but it hurt me to see even a few of our own splendid
+young people guilty of such crudities, because our American youth is so
+fine at heart.
+
+When the great artist Rodin died, I went to the public ceremony held in
+his memory. Suddenly I realized that America and France each had
+something left that war had not destroyed. A young American art
+student, who had given up his career for his uniform, and was invalided
+back in Paris minus an arm, stood very near me. As he turned to Colonel
+House I heard him say:
+
+“Rodin's going is another battle lost.”
+
+It was typical of the American quality of which we have cause to
+boast--the fineness of heart that is in our young people.
+
+
+The day of the armistice in France, those of us who are older stood
+looking on and realizing that all class distinctions, all race, age, and
+pursuits, had been wiped off the map. People were just people. There
+was a complete abandon. I am not a young woman, but I was caught up by
+the fury of the crowd, and swept along singing, laughing, weeping.
+Young soldiers passing would reach out to touch my hand, sometimes to
+kiss me.
+
+That night I believed that the war had broken down many of our barriers;
+that all foolish customs had died; that the terrific price paid in human
+blood and human suffering had at least left a world honest with itself,
+simple and ready for good comradeship; that men were measured by
+manliness and women by ideals. It was a part of the armistice day
+fervor, but I believed it.
+
+And then I came home and went to Newport.
+
+
+
+
+V.
+
+Just before I came home to America in the Spring of 1919, I went to
+Essex for a week-end in one of those splendid old estates which are the
+pride of England.
+
+It was not my first visit, but I was awed anew by the immensity of the
+place, its culture and wealth which seemed to have existed always, its
+aged power and pride. Whole lives had been woven into its window
+curtains and priceless rugs; centuries of art lived in the great
+tapestries; successive generations of great artists had painted the
+ancestors of the present owner.
+
+All three sons of that house went into the war. One never returned from
+Egypt, another is buried in Flanders. Only the youngest returned.
+
+At first glance the smooth life seemed unchanged in the proud old house.
+But before sundown of my first day there, I knew that life had put its
+acid test to the shield and proved it pure gold.
+
+War taxes had fallen heavily on the estate and it was to be leased to an
+American. Until then, the castle was a home to less fortunate buddies
+of the owner's sons.
+
+But these were not the tests I mean, neither these nor the courage and
+the poise of that family in the face of their terrible loss, nor their
+effort to make every one happy and comfortable.
+
+It was an incident at tea time that opened my eyes. The youngest son,
+now the only son, came in from a cross-country tramp and brought with
+him a pleasant faced young woman whom he introduced as “one of my pals
+in the war.”
+
+
+That was enough. Lady R. greeted her as one of the royal blood. The
+girl was the daughter of a Manchester plumber. She had done her bit,
+and it had been a hard bit, in the war, and now she was stenographer in
+a near-by village. Later in the afternoon the story came out. She had
+been clerk in the Q. M. corps and after her brother's death she asked
+for service near the front, something hard. She got it. The mules in
+the supply and ammunition trains must be fed and it was her job to get
+hay to a certain division. The girl had ten motor trucks to handle and
+twenty men, three of them noncommissioned officers.
+
+After four days, during which trucks had disappeared and mules gone
+unfed, she asked the colonel for the rank of first sergeant, with only
+enlisted men under her.
+
+Her first official orders were: All trucks must stay together. If one
+breaks down, the others will stop and help.
+
+The second day of her new command, she met our young host, who needed a
+truck to move supplies and tried to commandeer one of hers. When she
+refused, he ordered her. He was a captain.
+
+“I am under orders to get those ten loads of hay to the mules,” was her
+reply.
+
+“What will you do if I just take one of them?” asked the captain.
+
+“You won't,” said the girl confidently.
+
+“I must get a truck,” he insisted. “What can you do about it if I take
+one of yours?”
+
+“England needs men,” she answered. “But if you made it necessary I'd
+have to shoot you. If the mules are n't fed, you and other men can't
+fight. If you were fit to be a captain, you'd know that.”
+
+
+The young captain told the story himself and his family enjoyed it,
+evidently admiring the Manchester lassie, who sat there as red as a
+poppy. They did not bend to the plumber's daughter, nor seem to try to
+lift her to the altars of their ancient hall.
+
+Every one met on new ground, a ground where human beings had faced death
+together. It was sign of a new fellowship, too deep and fine for even a
+fish knife to sever. There was no consciousness of ancient class.
+There was only to-day and to-morrow.
+
+It was the America I love--that spirit. The best America--valuing a
+human being for personal worth. Then I sailed for home. I went to
+Newport, to the Atlantic coast resorts. They were all the same.
+
+The world had changed but not my own country.
+
+I saw more show of wealth, more extravagance, more carelessness,
+more reckless morals than ever before, and--horrible to
+contemplate--springing up in the new world, the narrow social standards
+which war had torn from the old.
+
+Social lines tightened. Men who had been overwhelmingly welcome while
+they wore shoulder straps were now rated according to bank accounts or
+“family.” The “doughboy shavetail”, a hero before the armistice, or the
+aviator who held the stage until November eleventh, once he put on his
+serge suit and went back to selling insurance or keeping books, became a
+nodding acquaintance, sometimes not even that.
+
+I was heartsick. I thought often of those splendid men I had met in
+France and of the girls who poured tea for the King of the Belgians.
+I wondered if any one back home was “just nodding” to them.
+
+Everywhere was the blatant show of new wealth.
+
+New money always glitters. I saw it in cars with aluminum hoods and
+gold fittings, diamonds big as birds' eggs, ermine coats in the
+daytime--jeweled heels at night.
+
+Bad breeding plus new money shouted from every street corner. At
+private dinners, I ate foods that I knew were served merely because they
+were expensive, glutton feasts with twice as much as any one could eat
+with comfort.
+
+One day I went to market--the kind of a market to which my mother would
+have gone--and I saw women whose husbands labored hard, scorning to buy
+any but porterhouse steaks--merely because porterhouse steak stood for
+prosperity.
+
+In Washington I met a new kind of American, a type that has sprung up
+suddenly like an evil toadstool. It is a fungous disease that spreads.
+Some hangs from old American stock, some dangles from recent plantings,
+all of it is snobbish and offensive. It wears foreign clothes and
+affects foreign ways, sometimes even foreign accents. It chops and
+mumbles its words like English servants who speak their language badly.
+Some of this is acquired at fashionable finishing schools or from
+foreign secretaries and servants. These new Americans try to appear
+superior and distinctive by scorning all things American. They want
+English chintzes in their homes, French brocades and Italian silks and
+do not even know that some of these very textiles from America have won
+prizes in Europe since 1912. An American manufacturer told me he has to
+stamp his cretonne “English style print” to sell it in this country.
+
+
+This new species of American apes royalty. It goes in for crests. It
+may have made its money in gum shoes or chewing tobacco, but it hires a
+genealogist to dig up a shield. Fine, if you are entitled to a crest.
+But fake genealogists will cook up a coat for the price.
+
+There are crests on the motor-cars, crests on the stationery, on the
+silver, the toilet articles--there are sometimes even crests on the
+servants' buttons and on linen and underclothes!
+
+Fake crests are the first step down, and like all lies they lead to
+other lies. The next step is ancestors.
+
+Selling and painting ancestors is another business which thrives around
+New York, Philadelphia, and Washington. And the public swallows it.
+They swallow each other's ancestors. Even old families take these new
+descendants as a matter of course.
+
+One of these new Americans recently gave a large feast in Washington
+with every out-of-season delicacy in profusion. The only simple thing
+in the house was the mind of the hostess. That night it was a tangled
+skein.
+
+I saw she was worried. Her house was full of potentates, the wives of
+two cabinet officers, and Mrs. Coolidge. She left the room twice after
+the dinner hour had arrived, and it was late when dinner was finally
+announced.
+
+Later in the evening one of the servants whispered to the hostess that
+she was wanted on the telephone--the State Department.
+
+She returned to the drawing-room looking as if she had just heard of a
+death in the family. The guests began considerately to leave.
+
+Her expensive party was a dismal failure. As I have known her husband
+for years, I asked if I could be of any use.
+
+[Illustration: p104.jpg HER EXPENSIVE PARTY WAS A DISMAL FAILURE]
+
+“It 's too late, now,” he said. “She had the Princess Bibesco and the
+Princess Lubomirska here and the wife of the Vice President, and she
+didn't know the precedence they took. She held up dinner half an hour
+trying to get the State Department and now they tell her she guessed
+wrong. It 's a tragedy to her.”
+
+I confess I did not feel very sorry for that woman. I remembered my
+little Indiana girl who introduced the captain to the Queen of Belgium.
+
+I began to feel as if all America were like the De Morgan jingle:
+
+ “Great fleas have little fleas
+ On their backs to bite 'em,
+ And little fleas have lesser fleas
+ And so ad infinitum.”
+
+Then I took a trip across the continent, stopping off in Indiana to see
+my little Y friends. It was like a bath for my soul. Brains count out
+West. Anybody who tries to show off is snubbed.
+
+You must do something to be anything in the Middle West; just to have
+something doesn't count. You don't list your ancestors as you must in
+Virginia or the Carolinas, but to feel self-respecting you must do
+something.
+
+I was happy to renew my wartime friendships. Those who have not shared
+a great work or a greater tragedy will not understand these bonds.
+
+The same young friend who served tea to the king took me to a musicale.
+She wore her war medal. One of the guests, a lady from Virginia who
+claims four coats of arms, was impressed by the girl's medal and the
+fact that she had entertained the king.
+
+The girl had married since the war, a fine young Irish lawyer, with a
+family name which once belonged to a king but which, since hard times
+hit the old sod, has been a butt for song and jest.
+
+The name did not impress the lady from Virginia. “You have such an
+interesting face,” she said. “What was your name before your marriage?”
+
+“Oh, it was much less interesting than my husband's,” answered my young
+Y friend, and lifting the conversation out of the personal she asked,
+“Have you read Mr. Keynes' 'The Economic Consequences of the Peace?'”
+
+“I had n't read it myself,” she confided to me later, “but it was the
+first new book I could think of!”
+
+That is good American manners and what the French call savoir faire.
+
+The Far West still keeps the American inheritance of open hearted
+hospitality and its provincialism. The West has inherited some of the
+finest virtues of our country, and if it is not bitten by Back Bay,
+Philadelphia, Virginia, or Charleston, it will grow up into its mother's
+finest child.
+
+“No church west of Chicago, no God west of Denver,” we used to hear when
+I was a child. But to-day, the churches are part of the community and
+even men go. People in the West do not seem to go to church merely out
+of respect for the devil and a conscience complex, but because they like
+to. Churches and schools are important places in the West.
+
+President Harding has said that he hopes more and more people will learn
+to want to pray in a closet alone with God. There are many people like
+that in our Middle West. I say this, because I hope it may help other
+American women who love their country to fight for honesty and purpose
+in our national life, and for tolerance and respect for the simple
+things in our private lives.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Log-Cabin Lady, An Anonymous
+Autobiography, by Unknown
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOG-CABIN LADY ***
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+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+ <head>
+ <title>
+ Log-Cabin Lady
+ </title>
+ <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
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+ P { text-indent: 2em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
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+ .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
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+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Log-Cabin Lady, An Anonymous
+Autobiography, by Unknown
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Log-Cabin Lady, An Anonymous Autobiography
+
+Author: Unknown
+
+Release Date: September 27, 2006 [EBook #6500]
+Last Updated: March 9, 2018
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOG-CABIN LADY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br />
+ </p>
+ <h1>
+ THE LOG-CABIN LADY
+ </h1>
+ <h2>
+ An Anonymous Autobiography
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br /> <a name="linkimage-0001" id="linkimage-0001">
+ <!-- IMG --></a>
+ </p>
+ <div class="fig" style="width:60%;">
+ <img src="images/frontis.jpg" width="100%" alt="Frontispiece " />
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ <a name="linkimage-0002" id="linkimage-0002">
+ <!-- IMG --></a>
+ </p>
+ <div class="fig" style="width:60%;">
+ <img src="images/titlepage.jpg" width="100%" alt="Titlepage " />
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br />
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br />
+ </p>
+ <blockquote>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <big><b>CONTENTS</b></big>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <br />
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#link2H_PREF"> PREFACE </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> THE LOG-CABIN LADY </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> I. </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> II. </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> III. </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> IV. </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> V. </a>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br />
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br />
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <big><b>Illustrations</b></big>
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <br />
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#linkimage-0001"> Frontispiece </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#linkimage-0002"> Titlepage </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#linkimage-0003"> My First Formal Dinner in France </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#linktea"> They served tea to the King </a>
+ </p>
+ <p class="toc">
+ <a href="#linkimage-0004"> Her Expensive Party Was a Dismal Failure </a>
+ </p>
+ </blockquote>
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br />
+ </p>
+ <hr />
+ <p>
+ <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001">
+ <!-- H2 anchor --> </a>
+ </p>
+ <div style="height: 4em;">
+ <br /><br /><br /><br />
+ </div>
+ <h1>
+ THE LOG-CABIN LADY
+ </h1>
+ <h2>
+ An Anonymous Autobiography
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ <a name="link2H_PREF" id="link2H_PREF">
+ <!-- H2 anchor --> </a>
+ </p>
+ <div style="height: 4em;">
+ <br /><br /><br /><br />
+ </div>
+ <h2>
+ PREFACE
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ The story of The Log-Cabin Lady is one of the annals of America. It is a
+ moving record of the conquest of self-consciousness and fear through
+ mastery of manners and customs. It has been written by one who has not
+ sacrificed the strength and honesty of her pioneer girlhood, but who added
+ to these qualities that graciousness and charm which have given her
+ distinction on two continents.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I have been asked to tell how the story of The Log-Cabin Lady came to be
+ written. At a luncheon given at the Colony Club in 1920, I was invited to
+ talk about Madame Curie. There were, at that table, a group of important
+ women.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ When I had finished the story of the great scientist, whose service to
+ humanity was halted by lack of laboratory equipment, and of the very
+ radium which she had herself discovered, one guest asked: &ldquo;Why do you
+ spend your life with a woman's magazine when you could do big work like
+ serving Madame Curie?&rdquo; &ldquo;I believe,&rdquo; I replied, &ldquo;that a woman's magazine is
+ one of the biggest services that can be rendered in this country.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ My challenge was met with scorn by one of the women upon whose education
+ and accomplishments a fortune had been spent. &ldquo;It is stupid,&rdquo; she said,
+ &ldquo;to print articles about bringing up children and furnishing houses,
+ setting tables and feeding families&mdash;or whether it is good form for
+ the host to suggest another service at the dinner table.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;There are twenty million homes in America,&rdquo; I answered. &ldquo;Only eight per
+ cent of these have servants in them. In the other ninety-two per cent the
+ women do their own housework; bring up their own children, and take an
+ active part in the life and growth of America. They are the people who
+ help make this country the great nation that it is.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ After luncheon one of the guests, a woman of great social prominence,
+ distinguished both in her own country and abroad, asked me to drive
+ downtown with her. When we entered her car she said, with much feeling&mdash;&ldquo;You
+ must go on with the thing you are doing.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Believing she referred to the Curie campaign, I replied that I had
+ committed myself to the work and could not abandon it. &ldquo;I was not
+ referring to the Curie campaign,&rdquo; she replied, &ldquo;but to the Delineator. You
+ are right; it is of vital importance to serve the great masses of people.
+ I know. It will probably surprise you to learn that when I was fourteen
+ years old I had never seen a table napkin. My family were pioneers in the
+ Northwest and were struggling for mere existence. There was no time for
+ the niceties of life. And yet, people like my family and myself are worth
+ serving and saving. I have known what it means to lie awake all night,
+ suffering with shame because of some stupid social blunder which had made
+ me appear ridiculous before my husband's family or his friends.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ This was a most amazing statement from a woman known socially on two
+ continents, and famed for her savoir faire. There were tears in her eyes
+ when she made her confession. She was stirred by a very real and deep
+ emotion. It had been years, she said, since the old recollections had come
+ back to her, but she had been moved by my plea for service to home women
+ and to the great mass of ordinary American people.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ She told me that while living abroad she had often met American girls&mdash;intelligent
+ women, well bred, the finest stuff in the world&mdash;who suffered under a
+ disadvantage, because they lacked a little training in the social
+ amenities.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;It has been a satisfaction and a compensation to me,&rdquo; she added, &ldquo;to be
+ able sometimes to serve these fellow country-women of mine.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And right there was born the idea which culminated in the writing of this
+ little book. I suggested that a million women could be helped by the
+ publishing of her own story.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The thought was abhorrent to her. Her experience was something she had
+ never voiced in words. It would be too intimate a discussion of herself
+ and her family. She was sure her relatives would bitterly oppose such a
+ confession.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It took nearly a year to persuade this remarkable woman to put down on
+ paper, from her recollections and from her old letters home, this simple
+ story of a fine American life. She consented finally to write fragments of
+ her life, anonymously. We were pledged not to reveal her identity. A few
+ changes in geography and time were made in her manuscript, but otherwise
+ the story is true to life, laden with adventure, spirit and the American
+ philosophy. She has refused to accept any remuneration for the magazine
+ publication or for royalties on the book rights. The money accruing from
+ her labor is being set aside in The Central Union Trust Company of New
+ York City as a trust fund to be used in some charitable work. She has
+ given her book to the public solely because she believes that it contains
+ a helpful message for other women, It is the gracious gift of a woman who
+ has a deep and passionate love for her country, and a tender
+ responsiveness to the needs of her own sex.
+ </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+ MARIE M. MELONEY.
+</pre>
+ <p>
+ September 1, 1922.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003">
+ <!-- H2 anchor --> </a>
+ </p>
+ <div style="height: 4em;">
+ <br /><br /><br /><br />
+ </div>
+ <h2>
+ THE LOG-CABIN LADY
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004">
+ <!-- H2 anchor --> </a>
+ </p>
+ <div style="height: 4em;">
+ <br /><br /><br /><br />
+ </div>
+ <h2>
+ I.
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ I was born in a log cabin. I came to my pioneer mother in one of
+ Wisconsin's bitterest winters.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Twenty-one years later I was sailing for England, the wife of a diplomat
+ who was one of Boston's wealthy and aristocratic sons.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The road between&mdash;well, let it speak for itself. Merely to set this
+ story on paper opens old wounds, deep, but mercifully healed these many
+ years. Yet, if other women may find here comfort and illumination and a
+ certain philosophy, I am glad, and I shall feel repaid.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The first thing I remember is being grateful for windows. I was three
+ years old. My mother had set me to play on a mattress carefully placed in
+ the one ray of sunlight streaming through the one glass window of our log
+ cabin. Baby as I was, I had ached in the agonizing cold of a pioneer
+ winter. Lying there, warmed by that blessed sunshine, I was suddenly aware
+ of wonder and joy and gratitude. It was gratitude for glass, which could
+ keep out the biting cold and let in the warm sun.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ To this day windows give me pleasure. My father was a school-teacher from
+ New England, where his family had taught the three R's and the American
+ Constitution since the days of Ben Franklin's study club. My mother was
+ the daughter of a hardworking Scotch immigrant. Father's family set store
+ on ancestry. Mother's side was more practical.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The year before my birth these two young people started West in a prairie
+ schooner to stake a homestead claim. Father's sea-man's chest held a
+ dictionary, Bancroft's History of the United States, several books of
+ mathematics, Plutarch's Lives, a history of Massachusetts, a leather-bound
+ file of Civil War records, Thackeray's &ldquo;Vanity Fair&rdquo;, Shakespeare in two
+ volumes, and the &ldquo;Legend of Sleepy Hollow.&rdquo; My mother took a Bible.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I can still quote pages from every one of those books. Until I was
+ fourteen I saw no others, except a primer, homemade, to teach me my
+ letters. Because &ldquo;Vanity Fair&rdquo; contained simpler words than the others, it
+ was given me first; so at the age of seven I was spelling out pages of the
+ immortal Becky.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ My mother did not approve, but father laughed and protested that the child
+ might as well begin with good things.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ After mother's eighth and last baby, she lay ill for a year. The care of
+ the children fell principally on my young shoulders. One day I found her
+ crying.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Mary,&rdquo; she said, with a tenderness that was rare, &ldquo;if I die, you must
+ take care of all your brothers and sisters. You will be the only woman
+ within eighteen miles.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was ten years old.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That night and many other nights I lay awake, trembling at the possibility
+ of being left the only woman within eighteen miles.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But mother did not die. I must have been a sturdy child; for, with the
+ little help father and his homestead partner could spare, I kept that home
+ going until she was strong again.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Every fall the shoemaker made his rounds through the country, reaching our
+ place last, for beyond us lay only virgin forest and wild beasts. His
+ visit thrilled us more than the arrival of any king to-day. We had been
+ cut off from the world for months. The shoemaker brought news from
+ neighbors eighteen, forty, sixty, even a hundred and fifty miles away.
+ Usually he brought a few newspapers too, treasured afterward for months.
+ He remained, a royal guest, for many days, until all the family was shod.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Up to my tenth birthday we could not afford the newspaper subscription.
+ But after that times were a little better, and the Boston Transcript began
+ to come at irregular intervals. It formed our only tie with civilization,
+ except for the occasional purely personal letter from &ldquo;back home.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ When I was fourteen three tremendous events had marked my life: sunlight
+ through a window-pane; the logrolling on the river when father added two
+ rooms to our cabin; and the night I thought mother would die and leave me
+ the only woman in eighteen miles.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But the fourth event was the most tremendous. One night father hurried in
+ without even waiting to unload or water his team. He seemed excited, and
+ handed my mother a letter. Our Great-Aunt Martha had willed father her
+ household goods and personal belongings and a modest sum that to us was a
+ fortune. Some one back East &ldquo;awaited his instructions.&rdquo; Followed many
+ discussions, but in the end my mother gained her way. Great-Aunt Martha's
+ house goods were sold at auction. Father, however, insisted that her
+ &ldquo;personal belongings&rdquo; be shipped to Wisconsin.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ After a long, long wait, one day father and I rose at daybreak and rode
+ thirty-six miles in a springless wagon, over ranchmen's roads (&ldquo;the
+ giant's vertebrae,&rdquo; Jim Hill's men called it) to the nearest express
+ station, returning with a trunk and two packing cases. It was a solemn
+ moment when the first box was opened. Then mother gave a cry of delight.
+ Sheets and bedspreads edged with lace! Real linen pillowcases with
+ crocheted edgings. Soft woolen blankets and bright handmade quilts. Two
+ heavy, lustrous table-cloths and two dozen napkins, one white set hemmed,
+ and one red-and-white, bordered with a soft fringe.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ What the world calls wealth has come to me in after years. Nothing ever
+ equaled in my eyes the priceless value of Great-Aunt Martha's &ldquo;personal
+ belongings.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was in a seventh heaven of delight. My father picked up the books and
+ began to read, paying no attention to our ecstasies over dresses and
+ ribbons, the boxful of laces, or the little shell-covered case holding a
+ few ornaments in gold and silver and jet.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We women did not stop until we had explored every corner of that trunk and
+ the two packing boxes. Then I picked up a napkin.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;What are these for?&rdquo; I asked curiously.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ My father slammed his book shut. I had never seen such a look on his face.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;How old are you, Mary?&rdquo; he demanded suddenly.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I told him that I was going on fifteen.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;And you never saw a table napkin?&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ His tone was bitter and accusing. I did n't understand&mdash;how could I?
+ Father began to talk, his words growing more and more bitter. Mother
+ defended herself hotly. To-day I know that justice was on her side. But in
+ that first adolescent self-consciousness my sympathies were all with
+ father. Mother had neglected us&mdash;she had not taught us to use table
+ napkins! Becky Sharp used them. People in history used them. I felt sure
+ that Great-Aunt Martha would have been horrified, even in heaven, to learn
+ I had never even seen a table napkin.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Our parents' quarrel dimmed the ecstasy of the &ldquo;personal belongings.&rdquo; From
+ that time we used napkins and a table-cloth on Sundays&mdash;that is, when
+ any one remembered it was Sunday.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Great-Aunt Martha's napkins opened up a new world for me, and they
+ strengthened father's determination to give his children an education. The
+ September before I reached seventeen, we persuaded mother to let me go to
+ Madison and study for a half year.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So great was my eagerness to learn from books, that I had given no thought
+ to people. Madison, my first town, showed me that my clothes were homemade
+ and tacky. Other girls wore store shoes and what seemed to me beautifully
+ made dresses. I was a backwoods gawk. I hated myself and our home.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ With many cautions, father had intrusted eighty dollars to me for the half
+ year's expenses. I took the money and bought my first pair of buttoned
+ shoes and a store dress with nine gores and stylish mutton-leg sleeves! It
+ was poor stuff, not warm enough for winter, and, together with a new coat
+ and hat, made a large hole in my funds.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I found work in a kindly family, where, in return for taking care of an
+ old lady, I received room and board and two dollars a week. Four hours of
+ my day were left for school.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The following February brought me an appointment as teacher in a district
+ school, at eighteen dollars a month and &ldquo;turnabout&rdquo; boarding in farmers'
+ families.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The next two years were spent teaching and attending school in Madison.
+ When I was twenty, a gift from father added to my savings and made
+ possible the realization of one of my dreams. I went East for a special
+ summer course.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ No tubes shuttled under the Hudson in those days. From the ferry-boat I
+ was suddenly dazzled with the vision of a towering gold dome rising above
+ the four and five-story structures. The New York World building was then
+ the tallest in the world. To me it was also the most stupendous.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Impulsively I turned to a man leaning on the ferry-boat railing beside me.
+ &ldquo;Is n't that the most wonderful thing in the world?&rdquo; I gasped.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Not quite,&rdquo; he answered, and looked at me. His look made me
+ uncomfortable. I could have spoken to any stranger in Madison without
+ embarrassment. It took me about twenty years to understand why a plain,
+ middle-aged woman may chat with a strange man anywhere on earth, while the
+ same conversation cheapens a good-looking young girl.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That summer I met my future husband. He was doing research work at
+ Columbia, and we ran across each other constantly in the library. I fairly
+ lived there, for I found myself, for the first time, among a wealth of
+ books, and I read everything&mdash;autobiographies, histories, and novels
+ good and bad.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom's family and most of his friends were out of town for July and August.
+ I had never met any one like him, and he had never dreamed of any one like
+ me. We were friends in a week and sweethearts in a month.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Instead of joining his family, Tom stayed in New York and showed me the
+ town. He took me to my first plays. Even now I know that &ldquo;If I Were King&rdquo;
+ and &ldquo;The Idol's Eye&rdquo;, with Frank Daniels, were good.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One day we went driving in an open carriage&mdash;his. It was upholstered
+ in soft fawn color, the coachman wore fawn-colored livery, and the horses
+ were beautiful. I was very happy. When we reached my boarding house again,
+ I jumped out. I was used to hopping from spring wagons.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Please don't do that again, Mary,&rdquo; reproved Tom, very gently. &ldquo;You might
+ hurt yourself.&rdquo; That amused me, until a look from the coachman suddenly
+ conveyed to me that I had made a <i>faux pas</i>. Not long after I hurried
+ off a street car ahead of Tom. This time he said nothing, but I have not
+ forgotten the look on his face.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Over our marvelous meals in marvelous restaurants Tom delighted to get me
+ started about home. Great-Aunt Martha's &ldquo;personal belongings&rdquo; amused him
+ hugely. He never tired of the visiting shoemaker, nor of the carpenter who
+ declared indignantly that if we wore decent clothes we wouldn't need our
+ bench seats planed smooth. But some things I never told&mdash;about the
+ table napkins, for instance.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We were married in September. Our honeymoon we spent fishing and &ldquo;roughing
+ it&rdquo; in the Canadian wilds. I felt at home and blissful. I could cook and
+ fish and make a bed in the open as well as any man. It was heaven; but it
+ left me entirely unprepared for the world I was about to enter.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Not once did Tom say: &ldquo;Mary, we do this [or that] in our family.&rdquo; He was
+ too happy, and I suppose he never thought of it. As for me, I wasted no
+ worry on his family. They would be kind and sympathetic and simple, like
+ Tom. They would love me and I would love them.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The day after we returned from Canada to New York I spent looking over
+ Tom's &ldquo;personal belongings&rdquo;&mdash;as great a revelation as Aunt Martha's.
+ His richly bound books, his beautiful furniture, his pictures&mdash;everything
+ was perfect. That night Tom made an announcement: &ldquo;The family gets home
+ to-night, and they will come to call to-morrow.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Why don't we go to the station to meet them?&rdquo; I suggested.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ To-day I appreciate better than I could then the gentle tact with which
+ Tom told me his family was strong on &ldquo;good form&rdquo;, and that the husband's
+ family calls on the bride first. My husband's family came, and I realized
+ that I was a mere baby in a new world&mdash;a complicated and not very
+ friendly world, at that. Though they never put it into words, they made me
+ understand, in their cruel, polite way, that Tom was the hope of the
+ family, and his sudden marriage to a stranger had been a great shock, if
+ not more.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The beautiful ease of my husband's women-folk filled me with admiration
+ and despair. I felt guilty of something. I was queer. Their voices, the
+ intonation, even the tilt of their chins, seemed to stamp these new
+ &ldquo;in-laws&rdquo; as aristocrats of another race. Yet the same old New England
+ stock that sired their ancestors produced my father's fathers.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Theirs had stayed in Boston, and had had time to teach their children
+ grace and refinement and subtleties. Mine fought for their existence in a
+ new country. And when men and women fight for existence life becomes very
+ simple.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I felt only my own misery that day. Now I realize that the meeting between
+ Tom's mother and his wife was a mutual misery. I was crude. No doubt, to
+ her, I seemed even common. With every one except Tom I seemed awkward and
+ stupid. Poor mother-in-law!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ When she rose to go, I saw her to her carriage. She was extremely
+ insistent that I should not. But this was Tom's mother, and I was
+ determined to leave no friendly act undone. At home it would have been an
+ offense not to see the company to their wagon. Even in Madison we would
+ have escorted a caller to his carriage.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Again it was the coachman who with one chill look warned me that I had
+ sinned.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Before Tom came home that afternoon he called on his mother, so no
+ explanations from me were necessary. He knew it all, and doubtless much
+ more than had escaped me. Like the princely gentleman he always was, the
+ poor boy tried to soften that after-noon's blows by saying social customs
+ were stupid and artificial and I knew all the important things in life.
+ The other few little things and habits of his world he could easily tell
+ me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Few&mdash;and little! There were thousands, and they loomed bigger each
+ day. Moreover, Tom did not tell me. Either, manlike, he forgot, or he was
+ afraid of hurting my feelings.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One of the few things Tom did tell me I was forever forgetting. Napkins
+ belonged to Sundays at home, and they were not washed often. It was a
+ long-standing habit, to save back-breaking work for mother, to fold my
+ napkin neatly after meals. Unlearning that and acquiring the custom of
+ mussing up one's napkin and leaving it carelessly on the table was the
+ meanest work of my life.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Interesting guests came to Tom's house, and I would grow absorbed in their
+ talk. Not until we were leaving the table would I realize that my napkin
+ lay neatly folded and squared in the midst of casually rumpled heaps.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One night, years later, I sat between Jim Hill and Senator Bailey of Texas
+ at a dinner. Both men folded their napkins. I loved them for it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ During that first year Tom made up a little theater party for a classmate
+ who had just married a Philadelphia girl. With memories of Ben Franklin,
+ William Penn, Liberty Bell, and all the grand old characters of the City
+ of brotherly Love, I looked forward eagerly to making a new friend.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The Philadelphian was even more languid than Tom's mother. She chopped her
+ words and there were no r's in her English. I tried to break the ice by
+ talking of the traditions of her city. She was bored. She knew only
+ Philadelphia's social register. Just to play tit for tat, twice during the
+ evening I quoted from &ldquo;Julius Caesar&rdquo;&mdash;and scored!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We had just settled down in old Martin's Restaurant for after-theater
+ supper when two tall gentlemen entered the room.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;There's Tom Platt and Chauncey Depew,&rdquo; remarked Tom's friend casually.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ United States senators are important people in Wisconsin&mdash;at least,
+ they were when I was young. If a senator visited our community, everybody
+ turned out. I knew much of both these men, and Tom had often spoken warmly
+ of Depew. As they approached our table, Tom and his friend both stood up.
+ Thrilled, I rose hastily. My eyes were too busy to see Tom's face, and I
+ did not realize until afterward that the only other woman had remained
+ coolly seated.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ On our way home, Tom told me, in his gentle way, never to rise from a
+ dining table to acknowledge an introduction even to a woman&mdash;or a
+ senator. That night a tormenting devil with the face of the other woman
+ kept me awake. For the first time since my marriage I felt homesick for
+ the prairies.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And then we were invited to visit Tom's Aunt Elizabeth in Boston and meet
+ the whole family. I was sick with dread. I begged Tom to tell me some of
+ the things I should and should not do.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Be your own sweet self and they 'll love you,&rdquo; he promised, kissing me.
+ He meant it, dear soul; but I knew better.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ From the very first minute, Tom's Aunt Elizabeth made me conscious of her
+ disapproval. In after years I won the old lady's affection and real
+ respect, but I never spent a completely happy hour in her presence.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The night we arrived she gave me a formal dinner. Some dozen additional
+ guests dropped in later, and I was bewildered by new faces and strange
+ names. Later in the evening I noticed a distinguished-looking middle-aged
+ gentleman standing alone just outside the drawing-room door. Hurrying out,
+ I invited him to come in. He inquired courteously if there was anything he
+ could do for me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Yes, indeed,&rdquo; I assured him. &ldquo;Come in and talk to me.&rdquo; He looked shy and
+ surprised. I insisted. Then Tom's aunt called me and, drawing me hastily
+ into a corner, demanded why I was inviting a servant into her
+ drawing-room.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Servant! He looks like a senator,&rdquo; I protested. &ldquo;He's dressed exactly
+ like every other man at the party and he looks twice as important as most
+ of them.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Didn't you notice he addressed you as 'Madam'?&rdquo; pursued Aunt Elizabeth.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;But it 's perfectly proper to call a married woman 'Madam.' Foreigners
+ always do,&rdquo; I defended.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Can't you tell a servant when you see one?&rdquo; inquired the old lady icily.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I begged to know how one could. All Boston was summed up in her answer:
+ &ldquo;You are supposed to know the other people.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom's wife could have drowned in a thimble.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The third day of our visit, we were at the dinner table, when I saw Aunt
+ Elizabeth's face change&mdash;for the worse. Her head went up higher and
+ her upper lip drew longer. Finally she turned to me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Why do you cut your meat like a dog's dinner?&rdquo; she snapped.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom's protesting exclamation did not stop her.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I laid my knife and fork on my plate and folded my hands in my lap to hide
+ their trembling.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Time may dim many hurts, but with the last flicker of intelligence I shall
+ remember that scene. Even then, in a flash, I saw the symbolism of it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ On one side&mdash;rare mahogany, shining silver, deft servants, napkins to
+ rumple, leisure for the niceties of life. On the other hand&mdash;a log
+ cabin, my tired mother with new babies always coming, father slaving to
+ homestead a claim and push civilization a little farther over our American
+ continent.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ A great tenderness for my parents filled my heart and overflowed in my
+ eyes. I have, I confess, had moments of bitterness toward them. But that
+ was not one of them.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;I think I can tell you,&rdquo; I answered, as quietly as I could. &ldquo;It 's very
+ simple. I was the first baby, and mother cut up my food for me. After a
+ while she cut up food for two babies. By the time the third came, I had to
+ do my own cutting. Naturally, I did it just as mother had. Then I began to
+ help cut up food for the other babies. It 's a baby habit. And I must now
+ learn to cut one bite at a time like a civilized grown person.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Even Aunt Elizabeth was silenced. But Tom rose from the table, swearing.
+ My father would not have permitted a cowpuncher to use such language
+ before my mother. But I loved Tom for it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ However, I did not sleep that night. Next morning Tom's Aunt Elizabeth
+ apologized, and for Back Bay was really unbending.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Some days later we returned to New York, and I thought my troubles were
+ over for a time. But the first night Tom came home full of excitement. He
+ had been appointed to the diplomatic corps, and we were to sail for
+ England within a month!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The news struck chill terror to my heart. With so much still to learn in
+ my native America, what on earth should I do in English society?
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005">
+ <!-- H2 anchor --> </a>
+ </p>
+ <div style="height: 4em;">
+ <br /><br /><br /><br />
+ </div>
+ <h2>
+ II.
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ More than two months passed after the night my husband announced his
+ foreign appointment before we sailed for England.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I planned to study and to have long talks with him about the customs of
+ fashionable and diplomatic Europe, but alas! I reckoned without the
+ friends and pretended friends who claim the time of a man of Tom's
+ importance. Besides, he and I had so many other things to discuss.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So the sailing time approached, and then he announced that we were to be
+ presented at court! I was thrilled half with fear and half with joy.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I remembered from my reading of history that some of England's kings had
+ not spoken English and that French had been the court language. I visited
+ a bookstore and purchased what was recommended as an easy road to French,
+ and spent all morning learning to say, &ldquo;l'orange est un fruit.&rdquo; I read the
+ instructions for placing the tongue and puckering the lips and repeated
+ les and las until I was dizzy. Then I looked through our bookcases for a
+ life of Benjamin Franklin. I knew he had gone to court and &ldquo;played with
+ queens.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But the great statesman-author-orator gave me no guide to correct form or
+ English social customs. Instead I grew so interested in the history of his
+ work in England and France and in his inspiring achievement in obtaining
+ recognition and credit for the United States that dinner time arrived
+ before I realized I had not discovered what language was spoken at court,
+ nor what one talked about, nor if one talked at all.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom roared when I made my confession. With his boyish good humor he
+ promised to answer all my questions on board ship.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So, without a care in those delicious days that followed, I wandered down
+ Sixth Avenue to New York's then most correct shops, buying clothes and
+ clothes and clothes. I bought practical and impractical gifts for the
+ twins back in Wisconsin and for all the family and those good friends who
+ had helped me through Madison.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The week before we sailed my husband said, out of a clear sky: &ldquo;Be sure
+ you have the right clothes, Mary. The English are a conservative lot.&rdquo;
+ Suddenly I was conscious again that I did not know the essential things
+ the wife of a diplomat ought to know&mdash;what to wear and when, a
+ million and one tremendous social trifles.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The moment our magnificent liner left the dock I heaved a sigh of relief.
+ Tom would be mine for two whole weeks, and all the questions I had saved
+ up would be answered. That evening he announced: &ldquo;We don't dress for
+ dinner the first night out.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Dress for dinner?&rdquo; I asked. &ldquo;What do you mean?&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And then very gently he gave me my first lesson. I had never seen anything
+ bigger than a ferry-boat. How could I guess that even on an ocean liner we
+ did not leave formality behind? The &ldquo;party dresses&rdquo;, so carefully
+ selected, the long, rich velvet cape I had thought outrageously
+ extravagant, and the satin slippers and the suede&mdash;I had packed them
+ all carefully in the trunk and sent them to the hold of the ship. But,
+ with the aid of a little cash, the steward finally produced my treasure
+ trunk, and thereafter I dressed for dinner.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The two weeks I had expected my husband to give me held no quiet hours.
+ There is no such thing, except when one is seasick, as being alone aboard
+ a ship. Tom was popular, good at cards and deck games, always ready to
+ play. And the fourth day out I was too ill to worry about the customs at
+ the Court of St. James.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was not until just before we reached England that I began to feel
+ myself again. I stood on deck, thrilled with the tall ships and the
+ steamers, the fishing smacks and the smaller craft in Southampton harbor.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;What will be the first thing you do in London?&rdquo; somebody asked me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Go to Mayfair to find the home of Becky Sharp,&rdquo; I answered. Becky Sharp
+ was as much a part of English history to me as Henry VIII or Anne Boleyn
+ or William the Conqueror. When my husband and I were alone he said: &ldquo;I
+ think they have picked out No. 21 Curzon Street as the house where Becky
+ Sharp is supposed to have lived. But what a funny thing for you to want to
+ see first!&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I remembered what old Lord Steyne had said to Becky: &ldquo;You poor little
+ earthen pipkin. You want to swim down the stream with great copper
+ kettles. All women are alike. Everybody is striving for what is not worth
+ the having.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was quite sure I did not want to drift down the stream with copper
+ kettles. I only wanted to be with Tom, to see England with him, to enjoy
+ Dr. Johnson's haunts, to go to the &ldquo;Cheddar Cheese&rdquo; and the Strand, to
+ Waterloo Bridge, and down the road the Romans built before England was
+ England.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I wanted to see the world without the world seeing me. In my heart was no
+ desire to be a copper kettle. But I had been cast into the stream, and
+ down it I must go, like a little fungus holding to the biggest copper
+ kettle I knew.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I told my husband this. It was the first time he had been really irritated
+ with me. &ldquo;Why do you worry about these things?&rdquo; he protested. &ldquo;You have a
+ good head and a good education. You are the loveliest woman in England. Be
+ your own natural self and the English will love you.&rdquo; But I remembered
+ another occasion when he had told me to be my own natural sweet self.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;How about what happened to Becky?&rdquo; I asked.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom went into a rage. &ldquo;Why do you insist on comparing yourself with that
+ little &mdash;&mdash;&mdash;!&rdquo; The word he used was an ugly one. I did not
+ speak to him again until after we had passed the government inspectors.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I shall never forget my first day in London, the old, quiet city where
+ everybody seemed so comfortable and easy-going. There was no show, no
+ pretense. The people in the shops and on the street bore the earmarks of
+ thrift. I understood where New England got its spirit.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The first morning at the Alexandra Hotel, Tom fell naturally into the
+ European habit of having coffee and fruit and a roll brought to his bed. I
+ wanted to go down to the dining room. My husband said it was not done and
+ I would be lonesome. The days of ranch life had taught me to get up with
+ the chickens. But it was not done in London. The second morning the early
+ sun was too much for me. I dressed, left the hotel, and walked for several
+ hours before a perfect servant brought shining plates and marmalade, fruit
+ and coffee to my big husky football player's bedside. I have lived many
+ years in Europe, but I have never grown used to having breakfast brought
+ to my room.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That second rainy morning Tom left me alone with the promise of being back
+ for luncheon. I picked up a London morning paper and glanced at the
+ personal column. I have read it every day since when I could get hold of
+ the London Times. All of human nature and the ups and downs of man are
+ there, from secondhand lace to the mortgaged jewels of broken-down
+ nobility, from sporting games and tickets for sale to relatives wanted,
+ and those mysterious, suggestive, unsigned messages from home or to home.
+ I read the news of the war. We in America did not know there was a war.
+ But Greece and Crete were at each other's throats, and Turkey was standing
+ waiting to crowd the little ancient nation into Armenia or off the map.
+ There was the Indian famine&mdash;We did not talk about it at home, but it
+ had first place in the London paper. And the Queen's birthday,&mdash;it
+ was to be celebrated by feeding the poor of East London and paying the
+ debts of the hospitals. There was something so humane, so kindly, so
+ civilized about it all! &ldquo;I love England,&rdquo; I said, and that first
+ impression balanced the scale many a time later when I did not love her.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The third or fourth day brought an invitation to dine at a famous house on
+ Grosvenor Square&mdash;with a duke!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I pestered my husband with questions. What should I wear? What should I
+ talk about? He just laughed.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The paper had reported a &ldquo;levee ordered by the queen&rdquo;, describing the
+ gowns and jewels worn by the ladies.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I had little jewelry&mdash;a diamond ring, which Tom gave me before we
+ were married, a bracelet, two brooches, and a string of gold beads, which
+ were fashionable in America. I put them all on with my best bib and
+ tucker. When we were dressed, Tom gave me one look and said, &ldquo;Why do you
+ wear all that junk?&rdquo; I took off one of the brooches and the string of gold
+ beads.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ When our carriage drew up to the house on Grosvenor Square, liveried
+ servants stood at each side of the door, liveried servants guided us
+ inside. There was a gold carpet, paintings of ladies and gentlemen in
+ gorgeous attire, and murals and tapestries in the marble halls. But I
+ quickly forgot all of this grandeur listening to the names of guests being
+ called off as they entered the drawing-room: Mr. Gladstone and Mrs.
+ Gladstone, Lord Rosebery and the Marquis of Salisbury, Mrs. Humphry Ward,
+ looking fatter and older than I had expected, officers, colonels,
+ viscounts, and ladies, and then Tom and Mary&mdash;but they were not
+ called off that way. I wanted to meet Mr. Gladstone, and hoped I might
+ even be near him at dinner; but I sat between a colonel and a young
+ captain of the Scots Greys.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Mr. Gladstone was on the other side of the table. It was a huge table,
+ more than five feet wide and very long. My husband was somewhere out of
+ sight at the other end. Mr. Gladstone mentioned the fund being raised for
+ the victims of the Paris Opera Comique fire. It is good form to be silent
+ in the presence of death, especially when death is colossal, and the
+ English never fail to follow good form. There was a sudden lull at our end
+ of the table.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was I who broke that silence. I was touched by the generosity of
+ England, and said so. Since my arrival I had daily noted that England was
+ giving to India, sending relief to Greece and Armenia, raising a fund for
+ the fire sufferers, and celebrating the Queen's Jubilee by feeding the
+ poor. I addressed my look and my admiring words to Mr. Gladstone.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Either my sincerity or the embarrassment he knew would follow my disregard
+ of &ldquo;the thing that is done&rdquo; moved Mr. Gladstone's sympathy. He smiled
+ across the table at me and answered, &ldquo;I am so glad you see these good
+ points of England.&rdquo; It was about the most gracious thing that was ever
+ done to me in my life. In England it is bad form to speak across the
+ table. One speaks to one's neighbor on the right or to one's neighbor on
+ the left; but the line across the table is foreign soil and must not be
+ shouted across.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That night my husband said: &ldquo;I forgot to tell you. They never talk across
+ the table in England.&rdquo; I chided him, and with some cause. I had soon
+ discovered that in England, as in America, it was not enough to be &ldquo;my own
+ natural self.&rdquo; But I came to love Mr. Gladstone. Long after that I told
+ him the story of Mrs. Grant, who, when an awkward young man had broken one
+ of her priceless Sevres after-dinner coffee cups, dropped hers on the
+ floor to meet him on the same level. &ldquo;Any woman who, to put any one at
+ ease, will break a priceless Sevres cup is heroic,&rdquo; I said. His answer,
+ though flippant, was pleasant: &ldquo;Any man who would not smile across the
+ table at a lovely woman is a fool.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Mr. Gladstone always wore a flower in his button-hole, a big, loose collar
+ that never fitted, a floppy black necktie, and trousers that needed a
+ valet's attention. He was the greatest combination of propriety and utter
+ disregard of conventions I had ever seen.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The event next in importance to a presentation at court was a tea at which
+ the tea planter Sir Thomas Lipton was one of the guests. He was not Sir
+ Thomas then, but was very much in the limelight, having contributed
+ twenty-five thousand pounds to the fund collected by the Princess of Wales
+ to feed the poor of London in commemoration of Queen Victoria's Diamond
+ Jubilee.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The Earl of Lathom, then the Lord Chamberlain, who looked like Santa Claus
+ and smiled like Andrew Carnegie, was among the guests; so were Mr. and
+ Mrs. Gladstone. Since the night he had talked to me across the table I
+ always felt that Mr. Gladstone was my best friend in England. He had a
+ sense of humor, so I said: &ldquo;Is there anything pointed in asking the tea
+ king to a tea?&rdquo; That amused Gladstone. He could not forgive Lipton parting
+ his hair in the middle.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That night I repeated my joke to Tom. Instead of smiling, he said: &ldquo;That's
+ not the way to get on in England. It 's too Becky Sharpish.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And then came the day of the queen's salon. Victoria did not often have
+ audiences, the Prince of Wales or some other member of the royal family
+ usually holding levees and receiving presentations in her name.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom had warned me that there were certain clothes to be worn at a
+ presentation. I asked one of my American friends at the embassy, who
+ directed me to a hairdresser&mdash;the most important thing, it seemed,
+ being one's head. She told me also to wear full evening dress, with long
+ white gloves, and to remove the glove of the right hand.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The hairdresser asked about my jewels. Remembering what Tom had said about
+ &ldquo;junk&rdquo;, I said I would wear no jewels. She was horrified, I would have to
+ wear some, she insisted, if only a necklace of pearls. She tactfully
+ suggested that if my jewels had not arrived I could rent them from Mr.
+ Somebody on the Strand. It was frequently done, she said, by foreigners.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ My friend at the embassy was politely surprised that Tom's wife would
+ think of renting real or imitation jewels. In the end I insisted upon
+ going without jewels. I had the required plumes in my hair, and the veil
+ that was correct form at court, and my lovely evening gown and
+ pearl-embroidered slippers, which were to me like Cinderella's at the
+ ball.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Before I left the hotel I asked Tom to look at me critically. I was still
+ young&mdash;very young, very much in love, and unacquainted with the ways
+ of the world, and so heaven came down into my heart when Tom took me into
+ his arms and, kissing me, said: &ldquo;There was never such a lovely queen.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was about three o'clock when we reached the Pimlico entrance. Guards
+ were on duty, and men who looked like princes or very important personages
+ in costume, white stockings, black pumps, buckles, breeches, and gay
+ coats, stood at the door. Inside the hall a gold carpet stretched to the
+ marble stairs. It was a wonderful place, and I wanted to stop and look. I
+ was conscious of being a &ldquo;rubber-neck.&rdquo; I might never see another palace
+ again.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We were guided up wonderful stairs and led into a sumptuous room, where,
+ with the other guests, we waited for the arrival of the queen and the
+ royal family. No one does anything or says anything at a salon. A
+ &ldquo;drawing-room&rdquo; is a sacred rite in England. It is recorded on the first
+ page of the news, taking precedence over wars, decisions of supreme
+ courts, famines, and international controversies. Her Majesty receives. To
+ the Englishman, to be presented at court is to be set up in England as
+ class, to be worshiped by those who have not been in the presence of the
+ queen, and to pay a little more to the butcher and milliner.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I should have loved that &ldquo;drawing-room&rdquo; if I could have avoided the
+ presentation. It was an impressive picture&mdash;the queen with a face
+ like a royal coin, a fine, generous forehead and beautiful nose, her
+ intelligent and kindly eyes, her ample figure, her dignity come from long,
+ long years of rule. Back of her the Prince of Wales and the Prime
+ Minister, who in later years I found myself always comparing to little Mr.
+ Carnegie, the Viscount Curzon with his royal look, and in the foreground
+ Sir S. Ponsonby-Fane, in white silk stockings, pumps and buckles, with
+ sword and gold lace, and high-collared swallow-tailed coat. I admired the
+ queen's black moire dress, her headdress of priceless lace, her diamonds,
+ her high-necked dress held together with more diamonds, and her black
+ gloves, in striking contrast to our own. I was enjoying the picture.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Then my name was called.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I had been thinking such kindly things of England&mdash;Mr. Balfour
+ fighting for general education; Mr. Gladstone struggling to make England
+ push Turkey back and save Greece; all England raising money for the fire
+ sufferers of Paris and the Indian famine. What a humanitarian race they
+ were! I felt as pro-England as any of the satellites in that room, and
+ almost as much awed. But back of it all was a natural United States
+ be-natural-as-you-were-born impulse. Neither Back Bay Boston nor Tom's
+ Philadelphia friends had been able to repress it. When my name was called
+ and I stepped up, I made the little bow I had practised for hours the day
+ before and that morning; and then, as I looked into the eyes of the queen,
+ I held out my hand! It was the instinctive action of a free-born American.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I have realized in the years since what a real queen she was. Smiling, she
+ extended her hand&mdash;but not to be touched. It was a little wave, a
+ little imitation of my own impulsive outstretching to a friend; then her
+ eyes went to the next person, and I was on my way, having been presented
+ at court and done what &ldquo;is not done&rdquo; in England.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom's mission in England was important. He had friends, and there were
+ distinguished people in England who regarded him and his family of
+ sufficient value to &ldquo;take us aboard.&rdquo; They were most gracious and kindly.
+ But Tom's eyes were not smiling.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That night my husband said some very frank things to me. His position, and
+ even the credit of our country to some extent, depended upon our conduct.
+ He did not say he was ashamed of me, and in my heart I do not think he
+ was; but he regretted that I had not been trained in the little things
+ upon which England put so much weight. He suggested my employing a social
+ secretary.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;What I need, Tom,&rdquo; I said, &ldquo;is a teacher. You have told me these customs
+ are not important. They are important. I need some one to teach them to
+ me, and I propose to get a teacher.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ In the personal columns of the Times I had read this advertisement:
+ </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+ 'A lady of aristocratic birth and social training
+ desires to be of service to a good-paying guest.'
+</pre>
+ <p>
+ I swallowed my pride and answered it. I was not her paying guest, but I
+ employed this Scotch lady of aristocratic birth and social experience.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ On the first day at luncheon, which we ate privately in my apartment, she
+ said: &ldquo;In England a knife is held as you hold a pen, the handle coming up
+ above the thumb and between the thumb and first finger.&rdquo; My sense of humor
+ permitted me to ask, after trying it once, &ldquo;What do you do when the meat
+ is tough?&rdquo; The Scotch aristocrat never smiled. &ldquo;It is n't,&rdquo; she answered.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was humiliated and a little soul-sick before that luncheon ended. I had
+ been told to break each bite of my bread; a lady never bites a piece of
+ bread. I had been told to use a knife to separate my fish, when I had
+ learned, oh, so carefully, in America to eat fish with a fork and a piece
+ of bread. I might have laughed about it all had not so much been at stake,
+ even Tom's respect.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006">
+ <!-- H2 anchor --> </a>
+ </p>
+ <div style="height: 4em;">
+ <br /><br /><br /><br />
+ </div>
+ <h2>
+ III.
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ The Scotch lady of aristocratic birth and social experience lived with me
+ one terrible week. On the seventh day I came home from shopping with
+ presents for the twins back in Wisconsin. A day or so earlier, while my
+ mentor was out of the room, I had asked the chef waiter of our floor about
+ himself and his family, and found that his family too included twins. So
+ with the present for my family I also brought some for his.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Mr. MacLeod, the member of Parliament from Scotland, and Lord Lansdowne
+ happened to be calling when I arrived, and Tom and the Scotch lady were
+ there. The chef waiter was taking the coats of the gentlemen callers. I
+ received the guests, acknowledged the introductions, and then, as I
+ removed my own coat, I handed him the little package.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ When we were alone the Scotch lady turned to me. &ldquo;In England,&rdquo; she said,
+ &ldquo;ladies never converse with their servants, particularly in the presence
+ of guests.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Then she sealed her doom. &ldquo;Ladies never make gifts to their servants,&rdquo; she
+ added. &ldquo;Their secretaries, housekeepers, or companions disburse their
+ bounty.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I remembered the old U. S. A. An American chef waiter might hope to be the
+ father of a President. On the ranch I had cooked for men of less education
+ and much worse manners than this domestic who brought my athletic
+ husband's breakfast to his bedside and who happened to be the proud father
+ of twins.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I would learn table manners from an English lady of aristocratic birth and
+ social experience; but when it came to the human act of a little gift to a
+ faithful servant, I declared my American independence.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was homesick for Wisconsin, homesick for real and simple people. I
+ wanted to go home! That night Tom and I had our first real quarrel, and it
+ was over my dismissal of the Scotch lady of aristocratic birth. Life
+ became intolerable for a while. I dragged through days of bitter
+ homesickness. Nothing seemed real. No one seemed sincere. Life was a
+ stage. Everybody seemed to be acting a part and speaking their pieces with
+ guttural voices. Even my husband's voice sounded different&mdash;or else I
+ realized for the first time that Boston apes London English. Tom had
+ learned his mother tongue in Boston, and now suddenly he seemed like a
+ foreigner to me simply because he spoke like these other foreigners. The
+ sun went out of my heaven. I was dumb with loneliness and sick with the
+ fear of lost faith. Could it be that my husband was affecting these
+ English mannerisms? Certainly he seemed at home in England, while I seemed
+ to be adrift, alone in an arctic ocean.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I had no friend in England, and more and more my husband's special work
+ was engrossing him. When we were together I felt tongue-tied. He had tried
+ to be gentle with me; but I was strange in this world of his, and lonely
+ and sensitive. I had dreamed so much of this world, and now that I was in
+ it, it was false and petty. I longed for the United States, for my
+ Northwest, for my hills and wide, far plains. I wanted to meet somebody
+ from Madison who smiled like a friend.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One day Tom looked at me searchingly, and said I must be ill.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I confessed to a little homesickness. Tom became very attentive. He took
+ me sightseeing. We lunched at the quaint inn where Dickens found his
+ inspiration for &ldquo;Pickwick Papers&rdquo; and where the literary lights of London
+ foregathered and still foregather for luncheon. We sat in one of the cozy
+ little stalls&mdash;just Tom and I.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Suddenly it swept over me that life had gone all wrong. Here was a dream
+ come true, and no joy in my heart. Tom asked me for my thoughts. I told
+ him, quite frankly, I was thinking of home. I was thinking of mother in
+ her cotton house dress with her knitted shawl around her shoulders, of
+ father in his jeans and high boots tramping over the range with the men; I
+ saw the cow and the pigs and the chickens, the smelly corral and the water
+ hole, the twins trying to rub each other's face in the mud. And I was
+ thinking&mdash;Tom would n't fit into my world, and I could not belong to
+ his. That was the second time I heard Tom swear. He wanted to know what
+ kind of a snob I thought he was. He'd be as much at home with dad on the
+ ranch as he was in London. &ldquo;The fault is with you,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;You 're not
+ adaptable, and you don't try to be.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom did n't understand. He never did. In all the years together, which he
+ made so rich and happy, Tom never understood how hard and bitter a school
+ was that first year of my married life. But Tom did try to give me a good
+ time in London. He took me to interesting places and we were entertained
+ by a number of people, mostly ponderous and stupid. Tom did not suggest
+ that we entertain in our turn. I think he felt I was not ready for it,
+ although even in after years, when we talked frankly about many things, he
+ would never admit this.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I shall never forget my first week-end party in England. I was not well,
+ and Tom, manlike, felt sure the change, a trip down to Essex and new
+ people, would do me good. The thought of the country and a visit with some
+ good simple country folk appealed to me too, so I packed the bags and met
+ Tom at Victoria Station at eleven o'clock. Alas! It is a far cry from a
+ Montana ranch to a gentleman's estate in England! My vision of a quiet
+ visit &ldquo;down on a farm&rdquo; vanished the minute we stepped off the train.
+ Liveried coachmen collected our baggage. They seemed to be discussing
+ something; then I heard Tom say: &ldquo;I guess that 's all. I 'll wire back for
+ the rest of it.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ We were led to a handsome cart drawn by a fine tandem team, and Tom and I
+ were alone for a minute.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;My God, Mary!&rdquo; he burst out, &ldquo;didn't you bring any clothes for us?&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;I certainly have,&rdquo; I retorted, sure I was in the right this time. &ldquo;Your
+ nightshirt and my nightgown; your toilet articles and mine; a change of
+ underclothes; a clean shirt and two collars for you, and my new striped
+ silk waist.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I shall never forget Tom's expression.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Do you know where we are going?&rdquo; he groaned. &ldquo;To one of the grandest
+ houses in England! Oh, Lord! I ought to have told you. You 'll need all
+ the clothes you have down here. And&mdash;and a valet and maid will unpack
+ the bags&mdash;oh, hell!&rdquo; After more of the same kind of talk, he began to
+ cook up some yarn to tell the valet.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Suddenly all that is free-born in me rose to the surface. &ldquo;Is it the thing
+ for gentlemen to be afraid of the valet?&rdquo; I asked my husband. &ldquo;Does a
+ servant regulate your life and set your standards?&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom was quiet for several moments; then he took my hand and said very
+ earnestly: &ldquo;Mary, don't you ever lose your respect for the real things. It
+ will save both of us.&rdquo; After a while he added: &ldquo;Just the same, I 'll have
+ to lie out of this baggage hole.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ He did, in a very casual, laughing way&mdash;such a positive set of lies
+ that I marveled and began to wonder how much of Tom was acting and how
+ much was real.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom went back to London on the next train, and reached the &ldquo;farm&rdquo; with our
+ baggage before it was time to dress for the eight-o'clock dinner.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The dinner was long and stupid. After dinner the women went into the
+ drawing-room and gossiped about politics and personalities until the men
+ joined them, when they sat down to cards. I did not know how to play
+ cards, and so was left with a garrulous old woman who had eaten and drunk
+ over-much.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It had been a long day for me. I was ill and tired. Suddenly sleep began
+ to overpower me. I batted my eyes to keep them open. I tried looking at
+ the crystal lights, but my leaden eyes could not face them. The constant
+ drone of that old woman was putting me to sleep. I tried to say a few
+ words now and then to wake myself. I felt myself slipping. Once my head
+ dropped and came up with a jerk. I watched the great French clock. Its
+ hands did not seem to move. I looked at Tom. He was absorbed in his game.
+ I could not endure it another minute. I went over and said good night to
+ my hostess who had spoken to me only once since my arrival.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Drowsy as I was, I noticed she seemed surprised. &ldquo;Oh, no,&rdquo; I told her; &ldquo;I
+ am not ill, only very sleepy.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ How good my pillow felt!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The next morning Tom was cross. I had made a <i>faux pas</i>. I had shown
+ I was bored and peeved and had gone to bed before the hostess indicated it
+ was bedtime. It &ldquo;was n't done&rdquo; in England.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;What do you do if you can't keep awake?&rdquo; I asked. &ldquo;You slip out quietly,
+ go to your room ask a maid to call you after you have had forty winks,
+ then you go back and pretend you are having a good time,&rdquo; said Tom.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ There were some bitter hours after we got back to London. But Tom won, and
+ I promised to get a companion. Then there came into my life the most
+ wonderful of friends. She was the widow of a British Army officer who had
+ been killed in India, and her only child was dead. She was a woman of
+ education and heart; she understood my needs, all of them, and I
+ interested her. She had seen great suffering; she had a deep feeling for
+ humanity and an honest desire to be of use in the world. In the English
+ register my companion was listed as the Honorable Evelyn, but we quickly
+ got down to Mary and Eve. We loved each other. Eve went to France with us
+ a few months later. She made me talk French with her. My first formal
+ dinner in France was a pleasant surprise. It was like a great family party&mdash;not
+ dull and quiet like the English dinner, and ever so much more fun.
+ Everybody participated. If there was one lion at the table, everybody
+ shared him.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <a name="linkimage-0003" id="linkimage-0003">
+ <!-- IMG --></a>
+ </p>
+ <div class="fig" style="width:60%;">
+ <img src="images/p060.jpg" width="100%"
+ alt="p060.jpg My First Formal Dinner in France " />
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ There is something in being born on a silken couch. Nothing surprises you.
+ You are at ease anywhere in the world. Eve fitted into Paris as naturally
+ as in her native London, I began to feel at home there myself. It was a
+ city of happy people&mdash;care free, natural, sympathetic. There was a
+ lack of restraint which, after the oppressive dignity of London, was a
+ rare treat. No one was critical. Every one accepted my halting and faulty
+ French without ridicule or condescension. The amiability and the
+ friendliness of the French people thawed my heart and began to lift me out
+ of my slough of homesickness. Happiness came back to me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ There had been hours in England when only the knowledge that a woman's
+ rarest gift was coming to me, and that Tom was proud and happy about it,
+ kept me from running away&mdash;back to the simple life of my own United
+ States.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was homesick for mother. Babies were a mystery to me, although I had
+ helped mother with all of hers. We had buried three of them in homemade
+ coffins&mdash;pioneering is a ruthless scythe, and only the fit survive. I
+ began to understand my mother and the glory in the character which never
+ faltered, although she was alone and life had been hard. How could I whine
+ when I had Tom and a good friend&mdash;and life was like a playground?
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I loved the French. They regard life with a frankness which sometimes
+ shocked my reserved Boston husband. He never accepted intimacy. The
+ restraint of old England was still in his blood. The free winds of the
+ prairie had swept it from mine.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ My new friends in Paris discovered my happy secret. It was my
+ all-absorbing thought, and I was delighted to be able to discuss it
+ frankly. Motherhood is the great and natural event in the life of a woman
+ in France, and no one makes a secret of it. I was very happy in Paris. And
+ then&mdash;Tom had to go to Vienna.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Not even Tom, Eve, and the promised baby could make me happy there. In all
+ the world I had seen no place where the line of class distinction was so
+ closely drawn, where social customs were so rigid and court forms so
+ sacred, as at the Austrian capital. Learning the social customs of Vienna
+ seemed as endless as counting the pebbles on the beach&mdash;and about as
+ useful. The clock regulated our habits in Vienna. Up to eleven o'clock
+ certain attire was proper. If your watch stopped you were sure to break a
+ social law. I once saw a distinguished diplomat in distress because he
+ found himself at an official function at eleven-thirty with a black tie&mdash;or
+ without one, I have forgotten which!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ At first it offended me to receive an invitation&mdash;or a command&mdash;to
+ appear at a formal function, with an accompanying slip telling exactly
+ what to wear. Then I laughed about it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Finally I rebelled. On the plea of ill health, I made Tom do the social
+ honors for me, while Eve and I did the museums and the galleries and the
+ music fetes. Years later I went back to Vienna, and I did not discredit my
+ country. But I never loved the city. I enjoyed its art, its fascinating
+ shops, its picturesque streets and people, and its beautiful women. But
+ for me Vienna has the faults of France and England, the poverty and
+ arrogance of London, and the frivolity of Paris, without their redeeming
+ qualities.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ So I was glad to return to England. The second day in London, Tom took me
+ to an exhibition important in the art world, or at least in the official
+ life of London. Everybody who was somebody was there. I saw the Princess
+ of Wales and the Marquis of Salisbury, who was then Secretary of State for
+ Foreign Affairs. I saw Mr. Balfour, so handsome and gracious that I
+ refused to believe there had ever been cause to call him &ldquo;Bloody Balfour.&rdquo;
+ There was something kingly about him&mdash;yet he was simply Mr. Balfour.
+ Years afterward I realized that to know Mr. Balfour is either to worship
+ him or hate him. No one takes the middle course. I had begun to have a
+ beautiful time that afternoon.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I felt happy, acutely conscious of my blessings and of one coming blessing
+ in particular. Mr. Gladstone joined us, and Sir Henry Irving came over to
+ speak to Eve. She told him I had just said that England had a mold for
+ handsome men. Irving was interesting and striking, though certainly not
+ handsome; but he took the compliment to himself, smiled, bowed his thanks,
+ and said:
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;And America for beautiful women.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Mr. Gladstone, too, could indulge in small talk. &ldquo;You should have seen her
+ rosy cheeks before she went to the Continent,&rdquo; he said, and added kindly
+ that I looked very tired and should go down to Hawarden Castle and rest.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Oh,&rdquo; I explained happily, &ldquo;it is n't that&mdash;I 'm not tired. It is
+ such a happy reason!&rdquo; I felt Eve gasp. Mr. Gladstone opened his kind eyes
+ very wide, and his heavy chin settled down in his collar. It was the last
+ bad break I made. But it was a blessing to me, for it robbed all social
+ form of terror. For the first time, I realized that custom is merely a
+ matter of geography. One takes off one's shoes to enter the presence of
+ the ruler of Persia. One wears a black tie until eleven o'clock in Vienna&mdash;or
+ does n't. One uses fish knives in England until he dines with royalty&mdash;then
+ one must manage with a fork and a piece of bread. One dresses for dinner
+ always, and waits for the hostess to say it is time, and speaks only to
+ one's neighbor at table. In France one guest speaks to any or all of the
+ others; all one's friends extend congratulations if a baby is coming; one
+ shares all his joys with friends. But in England nobody must know, and
+ everybody must be surprised. No one ever speaks of himself in England.
+ They are sensitive about everything personal. But there is an underground
+ and very perfect system by which everything about everybody is known and
+ noised about and discussed with everybody except the person in question.
+ It is a mysterious and elaborate hypocrisy.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ With the aid of Eve, I made a thorough study of the geography of social
+ customs. I learned the ways of Europe, of the Orient, and of South
+ America. It is easier to understand races if one understands the
+ psychology of their customs. I realized that social amenities are too
+ often neglected in America, and our manners sometimes truthfully called
+ crude. But I told myself with pride that our truly cultivated people will
+ not tolerate a social form that is not based on human, kindly instincts.
+ It was not until the World War flooded Europe with American boys and girls
+ that I realized the glory of our social standards and the great need to
+ have our own people understand those standards.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007">
+ <!-- H2 anchor --> </a>
+ </p>
+ <div style="height: 4em;">
+ <br /><br /><br /><br />
+ </div>
+ <h2>
+ IV.
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ Fear is the destroyer of peace. I knew no peace until I learned not to be
+ afraid of conventions. The three most wretched years in my life might
+ easily have been avoided by a little training at home or at school.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I realize now the unhappiness of those first years of my married life. I
+ was awkward and ill at ease in a world that valued social poise above
+ knowledge. From my childhood I had loved honest, sincere people. After my
+ marriage I met distinguished men and women, even a few who might be called
+ great; but they, too, had their affectations and petty vanities. Being
+ young, I judged them harshly because they set what I considered too much
+ store upon absurd conventions.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ In the course of my travels since, I have come to realize that social
+ customs are a simple matter of geography! What is proper in England is bad
+ form in France, and many customs that were correct in Vienna would be
+ intolerable in Spain. In the formal circles of Vienna no one spoke to
+ anybody without an introduction. In Spain there was a more subtle and
+ truly aristocratic standard. The assumption was that anybody one met in
+ the home of one's host was desirable, and it was courtesy, therefore, to
+ begin a conversation with any guest. This is the attitude also in parts of
+ France.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But in those first months I had not acquired my philosophy. I lived
+ through homesick days, and some that were hard and bitter. I stayed with
+ Tom that first year only because I was too bewildered to take any
+ initiative, and because I kept hoping that things would right themselves
+ and I would wake out of my nightmare. My baby came in the second year, and
+ then I could not go home. The simple life of my own people slipped very,
+ very far away. We made a hurried trip back to the United States that
+ summer, but Tom would not consent to my going West. His own family wanted
+ to see our baby, and they decided that the little fellow had traveled
+ enough and should not be subjected to the hardships of a cross-country
+ train trip. So Tom sent for mother and the twins to come to us, and they
+ arrived at the Waldorf Hotel, where we were staying. Dear, simple mother,
+ in her terrible clothes, and the twins, got up with more thought for
+ economy than for beauty! I shopped extravagantly with them. The youngsters
+ wanted to see everything in New York; but mother, despite all of those
+ hard, lonely years in our rough country and the many interesting things
+ for her to do and see in New York&mdash;mother wanted nothing better than
+ to stay with the baby.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ With all the children she had brought into this world one might think she
+ had seen enough of babies. But she adored my little son. How near she
+ seemed to me then! How hungry I had been for her, without realizing it! I
+ felt that she loved my baby boy as she had never loved me or any of her
+ own children. And I understood why mother never had had time to love her
+ own babies. In the struggle for existence of those hard years she had
+ never had a minute to indulge in the pure joy of having her baby. I sat
+ watching her with her first grandchild, so sweet in his exquisite
+ hand-sewn little clothes, and suddenly I found myself crying hysterically.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Mother was very dear to me from that day. Later in this chronicle I want
+ to give a chapter to my mother and what we both suffered during this
+ period of her visit to New York, for it marked the climax of my own
+ development. When mother and the children started off on their return trip
+ to the West, Tom sent them flowers and candy and fruit. He had already
+ generously put financial worry away from my family for all time, but I
+ knew that he was a little ashamed of some of mother's crudities. I
+ wondered why I did not feel ashamed. I was very, very glad I did not. It
+ gave me something tangible to cling to&mdash;a sure consciousness of
+ power, that comes of knowing one possesses the true pride to rise above
+ the opinions of other people.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I would have given my life, that day, to be able to assure my family that
+ material security which they owed to my husband, who neither loved nor
+ understood them. I looked down the years and saw myself crushed by a
+ burden of indebtedness to a man I felt I no longer loved. Only mother's
+ grateful, simple happiness eased my hurt. I had never approached my
+ mother, but I knew now that if her natural dignity and great, kind heart
+ had been given the advantages that the women in my husband's family took
+ as a matter of course, she would have been superior to them all. Yet they
+ barely tolerated mother&mdash;no more.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I longed to go home to my own warm, hearty, open West. I stood on the
+ ferry after they had gone, thinking that, if my family were not so deeply
+ indebted to my husband, I would leave him. I suppose I did not really mean
+ that thought, but it made me unhappy. I felt disloyal and dishonest.
+ Finally I told Tom. There was a scene; but from that day he began to
+ understand me, and things were better. A few days later we came home from
+ a dinner party, and, after going to the baby's room for a minute, Tom
+ asked me to stay and talk. But he did not talk. For a long time he sat
+ smoking and thinking. I knew he had something on his mind, and I waited.
+ Finally I realized that he was embarrassed.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Can I help? Is it something I have done that has embarrassed you?&rdquo; I
+ asked.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That was many years ago, but I can never forget the look Tom gave me. It
+ held all the love of our courtship and something besides that I had never
+ seen in his face before.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;For God's sake, never say that to me again!&rdquo; he cried. &ldquo;Embarrassed me! I
+ am proud of you&mdash;you never can know how proud. I was sitting here
+ trying to think how to tell you something my mother said about you, and
+ just what it means.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ His mother! My heart dropped. His mother had never said anything about me,
+ excepting criticism. I had been a bitter disappointment to her. Whatever
+ she said would be politely cruel&mdash;at best, a damning with faint
+ praise.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;She said,&rdquo; my husband went on, &ldquo;that she is very happy in our marriage,
+ completely satisfied, and that she has come to be proud of you. I don't
+ know how to tell you just what that means.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I knew. I knew his mother could have given me no higher praise. I had
+ learned what to her were the essentials; I had cultivated the manner she
+ placed above price. But the realization brought self-distrust. Had I lost
+ my honesty and sincerity?
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom went on to tell me that his mother had particularly admired my
+ attitude toward my own mother, and the manner in which I met every little
+ failing of hers. She felt I had a sense of true values in people, and that
+ the simplicity and sureness with which I had met this situation was the
+ essence of good breeding.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I had not thought it possible that Tom's mother could understand my
+ feeling for my mother and my honest pride in her real worth. Perhaps, I
+ reflected, I had been unjust to my mother-in-law. I knew what a shock I
+ had been to her in the early days of our marriage, and I knew only too
+ well that even Tom had often regretted my ignorance of social usages.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ They are simple customs, and should be taught in every school in America,
+ but I had not learned them. I was happy that night and for days afterward.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Then we went back to Europe. Tom knew people on the steamer to whom I took
+ a dislike. They were bold and even vulgar, and Tom admitted that he did
+ not admire them. I made up my mind we should avoid them. The next
+ afternoon I found Tom and that group walking the deck arm in arm, chatting
+ affably. When we were alone, I asked Tom how he could do it. I know now
+ that a man cannot hold an official position like Tom's and ignore
+ politically important people. But he only said rather carelessly, and with
+ a laugh, that it was one of the prices a man pays for public office.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ After that I noticed that my husband was known to nearly every one. He had
+ a glad hand and a smile for the public&mdash;because it was the public. I
+ watched to see if he had a slightly different smile for the people of Back
+ Bay and his own particular social class; sometimes I thought he had, and
+ it made me a little soul-sick.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I longed for a home for my baby and a few friends I could love and really
+ enjoy. I was not fitted to be the wife of a public man. It was the poverty
+ and crudeness of my youth that had made me intolerant. One of the big
+ lessons life has taught me is that people can be amiable, tolerant, and
+ even friendly, and still be sincere. The pleasantry of social relations
+ among the civilized peoples of the earth is a mere garment we wear for our
+ own protection and to cover our feelings. It is the oil of the machinery
+ of life. I have found that men and women who take part in the big work of
+ the earth wear that garment of civility and graciousness, and yet have
+ their strong friendships and even their bitter enmities.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But I did not understand this when we went back to Europe. I only knew
+ that my husband was amiable to people he did not like, and I questioned
+ how deep his affection for me went. How much of his kindness to me was
+ just the easiest way and the manner of a gentleman?
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ A hard and bare youth had made me supersensitive and suspicious and
+ narrow. I wanted to measure other people by the standards of my own
+ primitive years. Out on the frontier we had judged life in the rough.
+ Courage and truth were the essentials. A man fought his enemies out in the
+ open, and made no compromises. There was nothing easy in life, no smooth
+ rhythm. And I tried to drag forward with me, as I went, the bold ethics of
+ the frontier. I resented good manners because I believed they were a cloak
+ of hypocrisy.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ A few months after we returned to Europe the shadow of death crossed our
+ path, swiftly and terribly. My little son died. Other babies came to us
+ later, but that first little boy had brought more into my life than all
+ the rest of the world could ever give. He had restored my faith in life,
+ my hope, and for a while was all my joy.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ People were kind, but I felt that many called merely because it was &ldquo;good
+ form&rdquo;&mdash;&ldquo;the thing to do.&rdquo; Bitterness was creeping into my heart.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Yet why should it not be &ldquo;the thing to do&rdquo; to call on a bereaved mother?
+ It is a gesture of humanity. Tom seemed very far away. I felt that his
+ pride was hurt, perhaps his vanity; for he had boasted of the little
+ fellow and loved to show him off. How little I understood!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I bring myself to tell these intimate things because there is a lesson in
+ them for other women&mdash;because I resent that any free-born American
+ citizen should be handicapped by lacking so small and easily acquired a
+ possession as poise, poise that comes with knowledge of the simple rules
+ of the social game. It is my hope that this honest confession of my own
+ feelings, due directly to lack of training, may help other women, and
+ particularly other mothers whose children are now in the plastic years.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was my utter lack of appreciation of manners and customs in my
+ husband's class that estranged me from Tom. I was resentful and
+ antagonistic merely because I was different.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ My husband was suffering even as I was suffering; but no one realized it,
+ least of all myself. Every one was especially kind to me, because I was a
+ woman. People are rarely attentive and tender with men when loss comes.
+ Men are supposed to be strong and self-controlled; their hearts are rated
+ as a little less deep and tender than the hearts of women; yet when men
+ are truly hurt they need love and care even as little children.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ A month after the baby's death, Tom and I were walking along the
+ Embankment in London one Saturday afternoon, when we met a small girl
+ carrying a little child. The baby was too tired to walk any farther; it
+ was dirty, and was crying bitterly. Tom stopped, spoke to the girl, and
+ offered to carry the baby, who soon quieted down on Tom's shoulder. At the
+ end of that walk Tom's light summer suit was ruined. I expected him to
+ turn with some trivial, jesting remark, but he said nothing. I looked at
+ him and saw that his face was set and hard and his eyes wet. Without
+ looking at me, he said: &ldquo;Don't speak to me now.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That moment of silence revealed to me my husband's character better than
+ months of talking.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The next day my husband came to me and said: &ldquo;Mary, I have asked for a
+ leave of absence. We are going back to the United States. We are going out
+ West to have a visit with your family.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Two years before I had believed that Tom would not fit into my Northwest.
+ But in twenty-four hours Tom and my father were old pals. He was as much
+ at home with mother and the children as I, and all the neighbors liked
+ him. He was interested in everything on the ranch, and even in the
+ small-town life of the village. He interested father in putting modern
+ equipment on the ranch. He went hunting with the men, played games with
+ the children, visited the little district schoolhouse, and found joy in
+ buying gifts for the youngsters. When mother made a big platter full of
+ taffy, he pulled as enthusiastically as a boy. As I stood at the corral,
+ one day, and watched Tom with my youngest brother, I remembered him at the
+ court of St. James, and I began to understand.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Tom was natural. It was just a part of him to be kindly and gracious to
+ everybody. I had never seen him angry with men of his own type, but I saw
+ him furious enough to commit murder when a man on the ranch tied up a dog
+ and beat her for running away. In after years I saw Tom angry with men of
+ his own class; I saw him waging long, bitter fights against public men who
+ had betrayed public trust. Something barbaric in me was satisfied that my
+ kind, gently bred man was one with the men of my own tribe, who fought man
+ and beast and the elements to take civilization farther west.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Almost a generation slipped by between that visit to the West and the next
+ scene in my life of which I shall write. Many things of personal and of
+ national importance happened meantime, but they have nothing to do with
+ this message to women. I was in France when the World War began. I had
+ been in Vienna again, and in England at regular intervals. I had learned
+ to accept life as I found it, and to get much joy out of living. Sometimes
+ I chafed a little under the demands of social life and needless
+ formalities, but I accepted them as inevitable.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Then the world was torn in two. The earth dripped in blood and sorrow.
+ Life became more difficult than on the frontier, and more elemental. I was
+ present, in the first year of the war, in a house where the King and Queen
+ of the Belgians were guests, where great generals and great statesmen had
+ gathered on great and earnest and desperate business. I was only an
+ onlooker, and I noticed what every one else was too absorbed to see. As
+ the evening progressed, I realized that pomp and ceremony had died with
+ the youth of France. King, generals, statesmen met as human men pitting
+ their wits against one another, desperately struggling to find a way out
+ of the hell into which they were falling.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Twice the king rose to his feet, and no one else stood. They were all too
+ deep in the terrible question of war.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ When the meeting was over and the guests of the house ready to retire, the
+ little queen said very quietly: &ldquo;Madam, may not my husband and I occupy
+ this room together? It is very kind of you to arrange two suites for us,
+ but I am sure there are many guests here to-night&mdash;and, anyway, I
+ prefer to be near him.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The war had done that. Who would expect a queen to think of the problems
+ of housing guests, even a great queen? And the war had made the king not
+ the king, but her man, very near and very dear.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Many other conventions I saw die by the way as the war progressed. Then
+ America came in.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ There is a temptation to talk about America in the war, but, after all,
+ that has no bearing on my story. Soon after the United States entered,
+ American men and women began to arrive in Europe in great numbers. I met
+ them everywhere; sight-seeing, in offices, at universities, at embassies
+ and consulates. I met them and loved them and suffered for them.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was proud of something they brought to France that France needed, and I
+ have no doubt that many of them took back to America something from France
+ that we need.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ For pure mental quality and courage, no people on earth could match what
+ the American girls took to France. It was the finest stuff in the world.
+ They knew how to meet hardship without grumbling. They knew how to run a
+ kitchen and see that hungry men were fed. They knew how to nurse, to run
+ telephones, automobiles&mdash;anything that needed to be done. Some failed
+ and fell by the wayside, but they were the smallest possible percentage.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Those American girls knew how to do everything&mdash;almost everything.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Two wonderful girls, one who ran a telephone for the army and another in
+ the &ldquo;Y,&rdquo; both from the Middle West, were at headquarters the day the King
+ and Queen of the Belgians arrived. With others they were sent to serve
+ tea, and they served it. The &ldquo;Y&rdquo; girl, taking a young captain whose
+ presence made her eyes glisten to her Majesty, said:
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Captain Blank, meet the queen.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And the queen, holding out her hand, and never batting an eye to show that
+ all the conventions had been thrown to the winds, said:
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Captain, I am very happy to meet you.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <a name="linktea" id="linktea"></a> <br />
+ </p>
+ <div class="fig" style="width:60%;">
+ <img alt="frontis (123K)" src="images/frontis.jpg" width="100%" />
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ <br />
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ They served tea&mdash;served it to the king, the queen, the general of the
+ American army, and other important people. There was cake besides tea, and
+ it was not easy to drink tea and eat cake standing. The telephone girl
+ insisted that General Pershing must sit down. The king was standing, and
+ of course, General Pershing continued to do the same.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Will you sit down?&rdquo; said another girl to the king. &ldquo;There are plenty of
+ chairs.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That girl had done her job in France&mdash;a job of which many a man might
+ have been proud&mdash;and on her left breast she wore a military medal for
+ valor. The king touched the medal, smiled at her, and said he was glad
+ there were plenty of chairs, for he knew places where there were not.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But General Pershing and his cake still bothered the little Illinois girl,
+ who went back at him again and asked him to sit down and enjoy his cake.
+ The king indicated to the general to be seated.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ No one but General Pershing would have known what to do between the rule
+ to stand when a king stands and the rule to obey the order of the king. He
+ gracefully placed his plate on the side of a table, half seated himself on
+ it, which was a compromise, and went on enjoying himself. The king sat
+ down.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ If any one had told that girl the sacredness of the convention she had
+ ignored, she would have suffered as keenly as I had suffered in my youth.
+ It was such a simple thing to learn; yet who in the middle of a war would
+ think of stopping to run a class in etiquette? The point is that any girl
+ capable of crossing half the world to do a big job and a hard one in a
+ foreign land should have been given the opportunity to learn the rules of
+ social intercourse.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I saw some American girls and men on official occasions at private houses
+ and at official functions. They were clever, attractive, fascinating; but
+ when they came to the end of their visit, they rose to go, and then stood
+ talking, talking, talking. They did not know exactly how to get away. They
+ did not want to be abrupt nor appear to be glad to leave.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It would have been so simple for some one to say to them: &ldquo;One of the
+ first rules in social life is to get up and go when you are at the end of
+ your visit.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was in Paris when Marshal Joffre gave the American Ambassador, Mr.
+ Sharp, the gold oak leaves as a token of France's veneration for America.
+ There were young girls around us who did not hesitate to comment on
+ everybody there. One little New Jersey girl insisted rather audibly that
+ Clemenceau looked like the old watchman on their block; and a boy, a young
+ officer, complained that General Foch &ldquo;had not won as many decorations as
+ General Bliss and General Pershing.&rdquo; Some youngsters asked high officers
+ for souvenirs. Many French people perhaps did worse, but it hurt me to see
+ even a few of our own splendid young people guilty of such crudities,
+ because our American youth is so fine at heart.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ When the great artist Rodin died, I went to the public ceremony held in
+ his memory. Suddenly I realized that America and France each had something
+ left that war had not destroyed. A young American art student, who had
+ given up his career for his uniform, and was invalided back in Paris minus
+ an arm, stood very near me. As he turned to Colonel House I heard him say:
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Rodin's going is another battle lost.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was typical of the American quality of which we have cause to boast&mdash;the
+ fineness of heart that is in our young people.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The day of the armistice in France, those of us who are older stood
+ looking on and realizing that all class distinctions, all race, age, and
+ pursuits, had been wiped off the map. People were just people. There was a
+ complete abandon. I am not a young woman, but I was caught up by the fury
+ of the crowd, and swept along singing, laughing, weeping. Young soldiers
+ passing would reach out to touch my hand, sometimes to kiss me.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That night I believed that the war had broken down many of our barriers;
+ that all foolish customs had died; that the terrific price paid in human
+ blood and human suffering had at least left a world honest with itself,
+ simple and ready for good comradeship; that men were measured by manliness
+ and women by ideals. It was a part of the armistice day fervor, but I
+ believed it.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ And then I came home and went to Newport.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008">
+ <!-- H2 anchor --> </a>
+ </p>
+ <div style="height: 4em;">
+ <br /><br /><br /><br />
+ </div>
+ <h2>
+ V.
+ </h2>
+ <p>
+ Just before I came home to America in the Spring of 1919, I went to Essex
+ for a week-end in one of those splendid old estates which are the pride of
+ England.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was not my first visit, but I was awed anew by the immensity of the
+ place, its culture and wealth which seemed to have existed always, its
+ aged power and pride. Whole lives had been woven into its window curtains
+ and priceless rugs; centuries of art lived in the great tapestries;
+ successive generations of great artists had painted the ancestors of the
+ present owner.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ All three sons of that house went into the war. One never returned from
+ Egypt, another is buried in Flanders. Only the youngest returned.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ At first glance the smooth life seemed unchanged in the proud old house.
+ But before sundown of my first day there, I knew that life had put its
+ acid test to the shield and proved it pure gold.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ War taxes had fallen heavily on the estate and it was to be leased to an
+ American. Until then, the castle was a home to less fortunate buddies of
+ the owner's sons.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ But these were not the tests I mean, neither these nor the courage and the
+ poise of that family in the face of their terrible loss, nor their effort
+ to make every one happy and comfortable.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was an incident at tea time that opened my eyes. The youngest son, now
+ the only son, came in from a cross-country tramp and brought with him a
+ pleasant faced young woman whom he introduced as &ldquo;one of my pals in the
+ war.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That was enough. Lady R. greeted her as one of the royal blood. The girl
+ was the daughter of a Manchester plumber. She had done her bit, and it had
+ been a hard bit, in the war, and now she was stenographer in a near-by
+ village. Later in the afternoon the story came out. She had been clerk in
+ the Q. M. corps and after her brother's death she asked for service near
+ the front, something hard. She got it. The mules in the supply and
+ ammunition trains must be fed and it was her job to get hay to a certain
+ division. The girl had ten motor trucks to handle and twenty men, three of
+ them noncommissioned officers.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ After four days, during which trucks had disappeared and mules gone unfed,
+ she asked the colonel for the rank of first sergeant, with only enlisted
+ men under her.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Her first official orders were: All trucks must stay together. If one
+ breaks down, the others will stop and help.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The second day of her new command, she met our young host, who needed a
+ truck to move supplies and tried to commandeer one of hers. When she
+ refused, he ordered her. He was a captain.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;I am under orders to get those ten loads of hay to the mules,&rdquo; was her
+ reply.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;What will you do if I just take one of them?&rdquo; asked the captain.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;You won't,&rdquo; said the girl confidently.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;I must get a truck,&rdquo; he insisted. &ldquo;What can you do about it if I take one
+ of yours?&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;England needs men,&rdquo; she answered. &ldquo;But if you made it necessary I'd have
+ to shoot you. If the mules are n't fed, you and other men can't fight. If
+ you were fit to be a captain, you'd know that.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The young captain told the story himself and his family enjoyed it,
+ evidently admiring the Manchester lassie, who sat there as red as a poppy.
+ They did not bend to the plumber's daughter, nor seem to try to lift her
+ to the altars of their ancient hall.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Every one met on new ground, a ground where human beings had faced death
+ together. It was sign of a new fellowship, too deep and fine for even a
+ fish knife to sever. There was no consciousness of ancient class. There
+ was only to-day and to-morrow.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ It was the America I love&mdash;that spirit. The best America&mdash;valuing
+ a human being for personal worth. Then I sailed for home. I went to
+ Newport, to the Atlantic coast resorts. They were all the same.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The world had changed but not my own country.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I saw more show of wealth, more extravagance, more carelessness, more
+ reckless morals than ever before, and&mdash;horrible to contemplate&mdash;springing
+ up in the new world, the narrow social standards which war had torn from
+ the old.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Social lines tightened. Men who had been overwhelmingly welcome while they
+ wore shoulder straps were now rated according to bank accounts or
+ &ldquo;family.&rdquo; The &ldquo;doughboy shavetail&rdquo;, a hero before the armistice, or the
+ aviator who held the stage until November eleventh, once he put on his
+ serge suit and went back to selling insurance or keeping books, became a
+ nodding acquaintance, sometimes not even that.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was heartsick. I thought often of those splendid men I had met in France
+ and of the girls who poured tea for the King of the Belgians. I wondered
+ if any one back home was &ldquo;just nodding&rdquo; to them.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Everywhere was the blatant show of new wealth.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ New money always glitters. I saw it in cars with aluminum hoods and gold
+ fittings, diamonds big as birds' eggs, ermine coats in the daytime&mdash;jeweled
+ heels at night.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Bad breeding plus new money shouted from every street corner. At private
+ dinners, I ate foods that I knew were served merely because they were
+ expensive, glutton feasts with twice as much as any one could eat with
+ comfort.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One day I went to market&mdash;the kind of a market to which my mother
+ would have gone&mdash;and I saw women whose husbands labored hard,
+ scorning to buy any but porterhouse steaks&mdash;merely because
+ porterhouse steak stood for prosperity.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ In Washington I met a new kind of American, a type that has sprung up
+ suddenly like an evil toadstool. It is a fungous disease that spreads.
+ Some hangs from old American stock, some dangles from recent plantings,
+ all of it is snobbish and offensive. It wears foreign clothes and affects
+ foreign ways, sometimes even foreign accents. It chops and mumbles its
+ words like English servants who speak their language badly. Some of this
+ is acquired at fashionable finishing schools or from foreign secretaries
+ and servants. These new Americans try to appear superior and distinctive
+ by scorning all things American. They want English chintzes in their
+ homes, French brocades and Italian silks and do not even know that some of
+ these very textiles from America have won prizes in Europe since 1912. An
+ American manufacturer told me he has to stamp his cretonne &ldquo;English style
+ print&rdquo; to sell it in this country.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ This new species of American apes royalty. It goes in for crests. It may
+ have made its money in gum shoes or chewing tobacco, but it hires a
+ genealogist to dig up a shield. Fine, if you are entitled to a crest. But
+ fake genealogists will cook up a coat for the price.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ There are crests on the motor-cars, crests on the stationery, on the
+ silver, the toilet articles&mdash;there are sometimes even crests on the
+ servants' buttons and on linen and underclothes!
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Fake crests are the first step down, and like all lies they lead to other
+ lies. The next step is ancestors.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Selling and painting ancestors is another business which thrives around
+ New York, Philadelphia, and Washington. And the public swallows it. They
+ swallow each other's ancestors. Even old families take these new
+ descendants as a matter of course.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ One of these new Americans recently gave a large feast in Washington with
+ every out-of-season delicacy in profusion. The only simple thing in the
+ house was the mind of the hostess. That night it was a tangled skein.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I saw she was worried. Her house was full of potentates, the wives of two
+ cabinet officers, and Mrs. Coolidge. She left the room twice after the
+ dinner hour had arrived, and it was late when dinner was finally
+ announced.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Later in the evening one of the servants whispered to the hostess that she
+ was wanted on the telephone&mdash;the State Department.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ She returned to the drawing-room looking as if she had just heard of a
+ death in the family. The guests began considerately to leave.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ Her expensive party was a dismal failure. As I have known her husband for
+ years, I asked if I could be of any use.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ <a name="linkimage-0004" id="linkimage-0004">
+ <!-- IMG --></a>
+ </p>
+ <div class="fig" style="width:60%;">
+ <img src="images/p104.jpg" width="100%"
+ alt="p104.jpg Her Expensive Party Was a Dismal Failure " />
+ </div>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;It 's too late, now,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;She had the Princess Bibesco and the
+ Princess Lubomirska here and the wife of the Vice President, and she
+ didn't know the precedence they took. She held up dinner half an hour
+ trying to get the State Department and now they tell her she guessed
+ wrong. It 's a tragedy to her.&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I confess I did not feel very sorry for that woman. I remembered my little
+ Indiana girl who introduced the captain to the Queen of Belgium.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I began to feel as if all America were like the De Morgan jingle:
+ </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+ &ldquo;Great fleas have little fleas
+ On their backs to bite 'em,
+ And little fleas have lesser fleas
+ And so ad infinitum.&rdquo;
+ </pre>
+ <p>
+ Then I took a trip across the continent, stopping off in Indiana to see my
+ little Y friends. It was like a bath for my soul. Brains count out West.
+ Anybody who tries to show off is snubbed.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ You must do something to be anything in the Middle West; just to have
+ something doesn't count. You don't list your ancestors as you must in
+ Virginia or the Carolinas, but to feel self-respecting you must do
+ something.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ I was happy to renew my wartime friendships. Those who have not shared a
+ great work or a greater tragedy will not understand these bonds.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The same young friend who served tea to the king took me to a musicale.
+ She wore her war medal. One of the guests, a lady from Virginia who claims
+ four coats of arms, was impressed by the girl's medal and the fact that
+ she had entertained the king.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The girl had married since the war, a fine young Irish lawyer, with a
+ family name which once belonged to a king but which, since hard times hit
+ the old sod, has been a butt for song and jest.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The name did not impress the lady from Virginia. &ldquo;You have such an
+ interesting face,&rdquo; she said. &ldquo;What was your name before your marriage?&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;Oh, it was much less interesting than my husband's,&rdquo; answered my young Y
+ friend, and lifting the conversation out of the personal she asked, &ldquo;Have
+ you read Mr. Keynes' 'The Economic Consequences of the Peace?'&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;I had n't read it myself,&rdquo; she confided to me later, &ldquo;but it was the
+ first new book I could think of!&rdquo;
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ That is good American manners and what the French call savoir faire.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ The Far West still keeps the American inheritance of open hearted
+ hospitality and its provincialism. The West has inherited some of the
+ finest virtues of our country, and if it is not bitten by Back Bay,
+ Philadelphia, Virginia, or Charleston, it will grow up into its mother's
+ finest child.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ &ldquo;No church west of Chicago, no God west of Denver,&rdquo; we used to hear when I
+ was a child. But to-day, the churches are part of the community and even
+ men go. People in the West do not seem to go to church merely out of
+ respect for the devil and a conscience complex, but because they like to.
+ Churches and schools are important places in the West.
+ </p>
+ <p>
+ President Harding has said that he hopes more and more people will learn
+ to want to pray in a closet alone with God. There are many people like
+ that in our Middle West. I say this, because I hope it may help other
+ American women who love their country to fight for honesty and purpose in
+ our national life, and for tolerance and respect for the simple things in
+ our private lives.
+ </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+
+
+
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+ </body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Log-Cabin Lady, An Anonymous
+Autobiography, by Unknown
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Log-Cabin Lady, An Anonymous Autobiography
+
+Author: Unknown
+
+Release Date: September 27, 2006 [EBook #6500]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOG-CABIN LADY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Frontispiece]
+
+[Illustration: Titlepage]
+
+
+
+
+THE LOG-CABIN LADY
+
+An Anonymous Autobiography
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE
+
+The story of The Log-Cabin Lady is one of the annals of America. It is
+a moving record of the conquest of self-consciousness and fear through
+mastery of manners and customs. It has been written by one who has not
+sacrificed the strength and honesty of her pioneer girlhood, but who
+added to these qualities that graciousness and charm which have given
+her distinction on two continents.
+
+I have been asked to tell how the story of The Log-Cabin Lady came to be
+written. At a luncheon given at the Colony Club in 1920, I was invited
+to talk about Madame Curie. There were, at that table, a group of
+important women.
+
+When I had finished the story of the great scientist, whose service to
+humanity was halted by lack of laboratory equipment, and of the very
+radium which she had herself discovered, one guest asked: "Why do you
+spend your life with a woman's magazine when you could do big work like
+serving Madame Curie?" "I believe," I replied, "that a woman's magazine
+is one of the biggest services that can be rendered in this country."
+
+My challenge was met with scorn by one of the women upon whose education
+and accomplishments a fortune had been spent. "It is stupid," she said,
+"to print articles about bringing up children and furnishing houses,
+setting tables and feeding families--or whether it is good form for the
+host to suggest another service at the dinner table."
+
+"There are twenty million homes in America," I answered. "Only eight
+per cent of these have servants in them. In the other ninety-two per
+cent the women do their own housework; bring up their own children, and
+take an active part in the life and growth of America. They are the
+people who help make this country the great nation that it is."
+
+After luncheon one of the guests, a woman of great social prominence,
+distinguished both in her own country and abroad, asked me to drive
+downtown with her. When we entered her car she said, with much
+feeling--"You must go on with the thing you are doing."
+
+Believing she referred to the Curie campaign, I replied that I had
+committed myself to the work and could not abandon it. "I was not
+referring to the Curie campaign," she replied, "but to the Delineator.
+You are right; it is of vital importance to serve the great masses of
+people. I know. It will probably surprise you to learn that when I was
+fourteen years old I had never seen a table napkin. My family were
+pioneers in the Northwest and were struggling for mere existence. There
+was no time for the niceties of life. And yet, people like my family
+and myself are worth serving and saving. I have known what it means to
+lie awake all night, suffering with shame because of some stupid social
+blunder which had made me appear ridiculous before my husband's family
+or his friends."
+
+This was a most amazing statement from a woman known socially on two
+continents, and famed for her savoir faire. There were tears in her
+eyes when she made her confession. She was stirred by a very real and
+deep emotion. It had been years, she said, since the old recollections
+had come back to her, but she had been moved by my plea for service to
+home women and to the great mass of ordinary American people.
+
+She told me that while living abroad she had often met American
+girls--intelligent women, well bred, the finest stuff in the world--who
+suffered under a disadvantage, because they lacked a little training in
+the social amenities.
+
+"It has been a satisfaction and a compensation to me," she added, "to be
+able sometimes to serve these fellow country-women of mine."
+
+And right there was born the idea which culminated in the writing of
+this little book. I suggested that a million women could be helped by
+the publishing of her own story.
+
+The thought was abhorrent to her. Her experience was something she had
+never voiced in words. It would be too intimate a discussion of herself
+and her family. She was sure her relatives would bitterly oppose such a
+confession.
+
+It took nearly a year to persuade this remarkable woman to put down on
+paper, from her recollections and from her old letters home, this simple
+story of a fine American life. She consented finally to write fragments
+of her life, anonymously. We were pledged not to reveal her identity.
+A few changes in geography and time were made in her manuscript, but
+otherwise the story is true to life, laden with adventure, spirit and
+the American philosophy. She has refused to accept any remuneration for
+the magazine publication or for royalties on the book rights. The money
+accruing from her labor is being set aside in The Central Union Trust
+Company of New York City as a trust fund to be used in some charitable
+work. She has given her book to the public solely because she believes
+that it contains a helpful message for other women, It is the gracious
+gift of a woman who has a deep and passionate love for her country, and
+a tender responsiveness to the needs of her own sex.
+
+ MARIE M. MELONEY.
+
+September 1, 1922.
+
+
+
+
+THE LOG-CABIN LADY
+
+
+
+
+I.
+
+I was born in a log cabin. I came to my pioneer mother in one of
+Wisconsin's bitterest winters.
+
+Twenty-one years later I was sailing for England, the wife of a diplomat
+who was one of Boston's wealthy and aristocratic sons.
+
+The road between--well, let it speak for itself. Merely to set this
+story on paper opens old wounds, deep, but mercifully healed these many
+years. Yet, if other women may find here comfort and illumination and a
+certain philosophy, I am glad, and I shall feel repaid.
+
+The first thing I remember is being grateful for windows. I was three
+years old. My mother had set me to play on a mattress carefully placed
+in the one ray of sunlight streaming through the one glass window of our
+log cabin. Baby as I was, I had ached in the agonizing cold of a
+pioneer winter. Lying there, warmed by that blessed sunshine, I was
+suddenly aware of wonder and joy and gratitude. It was gratitude for
+glass, which could keep out the biting cold and let in the warm sun.
+
+To this day windows give me pleasure. My father was a school-teacher
+from New England, where his family had taught the three R's and the
+American Constitution since the days of Ben Franklin's study club. My
+mother was the daughter of a hardworking Scotch immigrant. Father's
+family set store on ancestry. Mother's side was more practical.
+
+
+The year before my birth these two young people started West in a
+prairie schooner to stake a homestead claim. Father's sea-man's chest
+held a dictionary, Bancroft's History of the United States, several
+books of mathematics, Plutarch's Lives, a history of Massachusetts,
+a leather-bound file of Civil War records, Thackeray's "Vanity Fair",
+Shakespeare in two volumes, and the "Legend of Sleepy Hollow." My mother
+took a Bible.
+
+I can still quote pages from every one of those books. Until I was
+fourteen I saw no others, except a primer, homemade, to teach me my
+letters. Because "Vanity Fair" contained simpler words than the others,
+it was given me first; so at the age of seven I was spelling out pages
+of the immortal Becky.
+
+My mother did not approve, but father laughed and protested that the
+child might as well begin with good things.
+
+After mother's eighth and last baby, she lay ill for a year. The care
+of the children fell principally on my young shoulders. One day I found
+her crying.
+
+"Mary," she said, with a tenderness that was rare, "if I die, you must
+take care of all your brothers and sisters. You will be the only woman
+within eighteen miles."
+
+I was ten years old.
+
+That night and many other nights I lay awake, trembling at the
+possibility of being left the only woman within eighteen miles.
+
+But mother did not die. I must have been a sturdy child; for, with the
+little help father and his homestead partner could spare, I kept that
+home going until she was strong again.
+
+Every fall the shoemaker made his rounds through the country, reaching
+our place last, for beyond us lay only virgin forest and wild beasts.
+His visit thrilled us more than the arrival of any king to-day. We had
+been cut off from the world for months. The shoemaker brought news from
+neighbors eighteen, forty, sixty, even a hundred and fifty miles away.
+Usually he brought a few newspapers too, treasured afterward for months.
+He remained, a royal guest, for many days, until all the family was
+shod.
+
+Up to my tenth birthday we could not afford the newspaper subscription.
+But after that times were a little better, and the Boston Transcript
+began to come at irregular intervals. It formed our only tie with
+civilization, except for the occasional purely personal letter from
+"back home."
+
+
+When I was fourteen three tremendous events had marked my life: sunlight
+through a window-pane; the logrolling on the river when father added two
+rooms to our cabin; and the night I thought mother would die and leave
+me the only woman in eighteen miles.
+
+But the fourth event was the most tremendous. One night father hurried
+in without even waiting to unload or water his team. He seemed excited,
+and handed my mother a letter. Our Great-Aunt Martha had willed father
+her household goods and personal belongings and a modest sum that to us
+was a fortune. Some one back East "awaited his instructions." Followed
+many discussions, but in the end my mother gained her way. Great-Aunt
+Martha's house goods were sold at auction. Father, however, insisted
+that her "personal belongings" be shipped to Wisconsin.
+
+
+After a long, long wait, one day father and I rose at daybreak and rode
+thirty-six miles in a springless wagon, over ranchmen's roads ("the
+giant's vertebrae," Jim Hill's men called it) to the nearest express
+station, returning with a trunk and two packing cases. It was a solemn
+moment when the first box was opened. Then mother gave a cry of
+delight. Sheets and bedspreads edged with lace! Real linen pillowcases
+with crocheted edgings. Soft woolen blankets and bright handmade
+quilts. Two heavy, lustrous table-cloths and two dozen napkins, one
+white set hemmed, and one red-and-white, bordered with a soft fringe.
+
+What the world calls wealth has come to me in after years. Nothing ever
+equaled in my eyes the priceless value of Great-Aunt Martha's "personal
+belongings."
+
+I was in a seventh heaven of delight. My father picked up the books
+and began to read, paying no attention to our ecstasies over dresses and
+ribbons, the boxful of laces, or the little shell-covered case holding a
+few ornaments in gold and silver and jet.
+
+We women did not stop until we had explored every corner of that trunk
+and the two packing boxes. Then I picked up a napkin.
+
+"What are these for?" I asked curiously.
+
+My father slammed his book shut. I had never seen such a look on his
+face.
+
+"How old are you, Mary?" he demanded suddenly.
+
+I told him that I was going on fifteen.
+
+"And you never saw a table napkin?"
+
+His tone was bitter and accusing. I did n't understand--how could I?
+Father began to talk, his words growing more and more bitter. Mother
+defended herself hotly. To-day I know that justice was on her side.
+But in that first adolescent self-consciousness my sympathies were all
+with father. Mother had neglected us--she had not taught us to use
+table napkins! Becky Sharp used them. People in history used them.
+I felt sure that Great-Aunt Martha would have been horrified, even in
+heaven, to learn I had never even seen a table napkin.
+
+Our parents' quarrel dimmed the ecstasy of the "personal belongings."
+From that time we used napkins and a table-cloth on Sundays--that is,
+when any one remembered it was Sunday.
+
+Great-Aunt Martha's napkins opened up a new world for me, and they
+strengthened father's determination to give his children an education.
+The September before I reached seventeen, we persuaded mother to let me
+go to Madison and study for a half year.
+
+So great was my eagerness to learn from books, that I had given no
+thought to people. Madison, my first town, showed me that my clothes
+were homemade and tacky. Other girls wore store shoes and what seemed
+to me beautifully made dresses. I was a backwoods gawk. I hated myself
+and our home.
+
+With many cautions, father had intrusted eighty dollars to me for the
+half year's expenses. I took the money and bought my first pair of
+buttoned shoes and a store dress with nine gores and stylish mutton-leg
+sleeves! It was poor stuff, not warm enough for winter, and, together
+with a new coat and hat, made a large hole in my funds.
+
+I found work in a kindly family, where, in return for taking care of an
+old lady, I received room and board and two dollars a week. Four hours
+of my day were left for school.
+
+The following February brought me an appointment as teacher in a
+district school, at eighteen dollars a month and "turnabout" boarding in
+farmers' families.
+
+The next two years were spent teaching and attending school in Madison.
+When I was twenty, a gift from father added to my savings and made
+possible the realization of one of my dreams. I went East for a special
+summer course.
+
+No tubes shuttled under the Hudson in those days. From the ferry-boat
+I was suddenly dazzled with the vision of a towering gold dome rising
+above the four and five-story structures. The New York World building
+was then the tallest in the world. To me it was also the most
+stupendous.
+
+Impulsively I turned to a man leaning on the ferry-boat railing beside
+me. "Is n't that the most wonderful thing in the world?" I gasped.
+
+"Not quite," he answered, and looked at me. His look made me
+uncomfortable. I could have spoken to any stranger in Madison without
+embarrassment. It took me about twenty years to understand why a plain,
+middle-aged woman may chat with a strange man anywhere on earth, while
+the same conversation cheapens a good-looking young girl.
+
+That summer I met my future husband. He was doing research work at
+Columbia, and we ran across each other constantly in the library. I
+fairly lived there, for I found myself, for the first time, among a
+wealth of books, and I read everything--autobiographies, histories, and
+novels good and bad.
+
+Tom's family and most of his friends were out of town for July and
+August. I had never met any one like him, and he had never dreamed of
+any one like me. We were friends in a week and sweethearts in a month.
+
+Instead of joining his family, Tom stayed in New York and showed me the
+town. He took me to my first plays. Even now I know that "If I Were
+King" and "The Idol's Eye", with Frank Daniels, were good.
+
+One day we went driving in an open carriage--his. It was upholstered in
+soft fawn color, the coachman wore fawn-colored livery, and the horses
+were beautiful. I was very happy. When we reached my boarding house
+again, I jumped out. I was used to hopping from spring wagons.
+
+"Please don't do that again, Mary," reproved Tom, very gently. "You
+might hurt yourself." That amused me, until a look from the coachman
+suddenly conveyed to me that I had made a _faux pas_. Not long after I
+hurried off a street car ahead of Tom. This time he said nothing, but I
+have not forgotten the look on his face.
+
+Over our marvelous meals in marvelous restaurants Tom delighted to get
+me started about home. Great-Aunt Martha's "personal belongings" amused
+him hugely. He never tired of the visiting shoemaker, nor of the
+carpenter who declared indignantly that if we wore decent clothes we
+wouldn't need our bench seats planed smooth. But some things I never
+told--about the table napkins, for instance.
+
+
+We were married in September. Our honeymoon we spent fishing and
+"roughing it" in the Canadian wilds. I felt at home and blissful.
+I could cook and fish and make a bed in the open as well as any man.
+It was heaven; but it left me entirely unprepared for the world I was
+about to enter.
+
+Not once did Tom say: "Mary, we do this [or that] in our family." He
+was too happy, and I suppose he never thought of it. As for me, I
+wasted no worry on his family. They would be kind and sympathetic and
+simple, like Tom. They would love me and I would love them.
+
+The day after we returned from Canada to New York I spent looking over
+Tom's "personal belongings"--as great a revelation as Aunt
+Martha's. His richly bound books, his beautiful furniture, his
+pictures--everything was perfect. That night Tom made an announcement:
+"The family gets home to-night, and they will come to call to-morrow."
+
+"Why don't we go to the station to meet them?" I suggested.
+
+To-day I appreciate better than I could then the gentle tact with which
+Tom told me his family was strong on "good form", and that the husband's
+family calls on the bride first. My husband's family came, and I
+realized that I was a mere baby in a new world--a complicated and not
+very friendly world, at that. Though they never put it into words, they
+made me understand, in their cruel, polite way, that Tom was the hope of
+the family, and his sudden marriage to a stranger had been a great
+shock, if not more.
+
+The beautiful ease of my husband's women-folk filled me with admiration
+and despair. I felt guilty of something. I was queer. Their voices,
+the intonation, even the tilt of their chins, seemed to stamp these new
+"in-laws" as aristocrats of another race. Yet the same old New England
+stock that sired their ancestors produced my father's fathers.
+
+Theirs had stayed in Boston, and had had time to teach their children
+grace and refinement and subtleties. Mine fought for their existence in
+a new country. And when men and women fight for existence life becomes
+very simple.
+
+
+I felt only my own misery that day. Now I realize that the meeting
+between Tom's mother and his wife was a mutual misery. I was crude. No
+doubt, to her, I seemed even common. With every one except Tom I seemed
+awkward and stupid. Poor mother-in-law!
+
+When she rose to go, I saw her to her carriage. She was extremely
+insistent that I should not. But this was Tom's mother, and I was
+determined to leave no friendly act undone. At home it would have been
+an offense not to see the company to their wagon. Even in Madison we
+would have escorted a caller to his carriage.
+
+Again it was the coachman who with one chill look warned me that I had
+sinned.
+
+Before Tom came home that afternoon he called on his mother, so no
+explanations from me were necessary. He knew it all, and doubtless much
+more than had escaped me. Like the princely gentleman he always was,
+the poor boy tried to soften that after-noon's blows by saying social
+customs were stupid and artificial and I knew all the important things
+in life. The other few little things and habits of his world he could
+easily tell me.
+
+Few--and little! There were thousands, and they loomed bigger each day.
+Moreover, Tom did not tell me. Either, manlike, he forgot, or he was
+afraid of hurting my feelings.
+
+One of the few things Tom did tell me I was forever forgetting. Napkins
+belonged to Sundays at home, and they were not washed often. It was a
+long-standing habit, to save back-breaking work for mother, to fold my
+napkin neatly after meals. Unlearning that and acquiring the custom of
+mussing up one's napkin and leaving it carelessly on the table was the
+meanest work of my life.
+
+Interesting guests came to Tom's house, and I would grow absorbed in
+their talk. Not until we were leaving the table would I realize that my
+napkin lay neatly folded and squared in the midst of casually rumpled
+heaps.
+
+One night, years later, I sat between Jim Hill and Senator Bailey of
+Texas at a dinner. Both men folded their napkins. I loved them for it.
+
+
+During that first year Tom made up a little theater party for a
+classmate who had just married a Philadelphia girl. With memories of
+Ben Franklin, William Penn, Liberty Bell, and all the grand old
+characters of the City of brotherly Love, I looked forward eagerly to
+making a new friend.
+
+The Philadelphian was even more languid than Tom's mother. She chopped
+her words and there were no r's in her English. I tried to break the
+ice by talking of the traditions of her city. She was bored. She knew
+only Philadelphia's social register. Just to play tit for tat, twice
+during the evening I quoted from "Julius Caesar"--and scored!
+
+We had just settled down in old Martin's Restaurant for after-theater
+supper when two tall gentlemen entered the room.
+
+"There's Tom Platt and Chauncey Depew," remarked Tom's friend casually.
+
+United States senators are important people in Wisconsin--at least, they
+were when I was young. If a senator visited our community, everybody
+turned out. I knew much of both these men, and Tom had often spoken
+warmly of Depew. As they approached our table, Tom and his friend both
+stood up. Thrilled, I rose hastily. My eyes were too busy to see Tom's
+face, and I did not realize until afterward that the only other woman
+had remained coolly seated.
+
+On our way home, Tom told me, in his gentle way, never to rise from a
+dining table to acknowledge an introduction even to a woman--or a
+senator. That night a tormenting devil with the face of the other woman
+kept me awake. For the first time since my marriage I felt homesick for
+the prairies.
+
+
+And then we were invited to visit Tom's Aunt Elizabeth in Boston and
+meet the whole family. I was sick with dread. I begged Tom to tell me
+some of the things I should and should not do.
+
+"Be your own sweet self and they 'll love you," he promised, kissing me.
+He meant it, dear soul; but I knew better.
+
+From the very first minute, Tom's Aunt Elizabeth made me conscious of
+her disapproval. In after years I won the old lady's affection and real
+respect, but I never spent a completely happy hour in her presence.
+
+The night we arrived she gave me a formal dinner. Some dozen additional
+guests dropped in later, and I was bewildered by new faces and strange
+names. Later in the evening I noticed a distinguished-looking
+middle-aged gentleman standing alone just outside the drawing-room door.
+Hurrying out, I invited him to come in. He inquired courteously if
+there was anything he could do for me.
+
+"Yes, indeed," I assured him. "Come in and talk to me." He looked shy
+and surprised. I insisted. Then Tom's aunt called me and, drawing me
+hastily into a corner, demanded why I was inviting a servant into her
+drawing-room.
+
+"Servant! He looks like a senator," I protested. "He's dressed exactly
+like every other man at the party and he looks twice as important as
+most of them."
+
+"Didn't you notice he addressed you as 'Madam'?" pursued Aunt Elizabeth.
+
+"But it 's perfectly proper to call a married woman 'Madam.'
+Foreigners always do," I defended.
+
+"Can't you tell a servant when you see one?" inquired the old lady
+icily.
+
+I begged to know how one could. All Boston was summed up in her answer:
+"You are supposed to know the other people."
+
+Tom's wife could have drowned in a thimble.
+
+
+The third day of our visit, we were at the dinner table, when I saw Aunt
+Elizabeth's face change--for the worse. Her head went up higher and her
+upper lip drew longer. Finally she turned to me.
+
+"Why do you cut your meat like a dog's dinner?" she snapped.
+
+Tom's protesting exclamation did not stop her.
+
+I laid my knife and fork on my plate and folded my hands in my lap to
+hide their trembling.
+
+Time may dim many hurts, but with the last flicker of intelligence I
+shall remember that scene. Even then, in a flash, I saw the symbolism
+of it.
+
+On one side--rare mahogany, shining silver, deft servants, napkins to
+rumple, leisure for the niceties of life. On the other hand--a log
+cabin, my tired mother with new babies always coming, father slaving to
+homestead a claim and push civilization a little farther over our
+American continent.
+
+A great tenderness for my parents filled my heart and overflowed in my
+eyes. I have, I confess, had moments of bitterness toward them. But
+that was not one of them.
+
+"I think I can tell you," I answered, as quietly as I could. "It 's
+very simple. I was the first baby, and mother cut up my food for me.
+After a while she cut up food for two babies. By the time the third
+came, I had to do my own cutting. Naturally, I did it just as mother
+had. Then I began to help cut up food for the other babies. It 's a
+baby habit. And I must now learn to cut one bite at a time like a
+civilized grown person."
+
+Even Aunt Elizabeth was silenced. But Tom rose from the table,
+swearing. My father would not have permitted a cowpuncher to use such
+language before my mother. But I loved Tom for it.
+
+However, I did not sleep that night. Next morning Tom's Aunt Elizabeth
+apologized, and for Back Bay was really unbending.
+
+Some days later we returned to New York, and I thought my troubles were
+over for a time. But the first night Tom came home full of excitement.
+He had been appointed to the diplomatic corps, and we were to sail for
+England within a month!
+
+The news struck chill terror to my heart. With so much still to learn
+in my native America, what on earth should I do in English society?
+
+
+
+
+II.
+
+More than two months passed after the night my husband announced his
+foreign appointment before we sailed for England.
+
+I planned to study and to have long talks with him about the customs of
+fashionable and diplomatic Europe, but alas! I reckoned without the
+friends and pretended friends who claim the time of a man of Tom's
+importance. Besides, he and I had so many other things to discuss.
+
+So the sailing time approached, and then he announced that we were to be
+presented at court! I was thrilled half with fear and half with joy.
+
+I remembered from my reading of history that some of England's kings had
+not spoken English and that French had been the court language. I
+visited a bookstore and purchased what was recommended as an easy road
+to French, and spent all morning learning to say, "l'orange est un
+fruit." I read the instructions for placing the tongue and puckering
+the lips and repeated les and las until I was dizzy. Then I looked
+through our bookcases for a life of Benjamin Franklin. I knew he had
+gone to court and "played with queens."
+
+But the great statesman-author-orator gave me no guide to correct form
+or English social customs. Instead I grew so interested in the history
+of his work in England and France and in his inspiring achievement in
+obtaining recognition and credit for the United States that dinner time
+arrived before I realized I had not discovered what language was spoken
+at court, nor what one talked about, nor if one talked at all.
+
+Tom roared when I made my confession. With his boyish good humor he
+promised to answer all my questions on board ship.
+
+So, without a care in those delicious days that followed, I wandered
+down Sixth Avenue to New York's then most correct shops, buying clothes
+and clothes and clothes. I bought practical and impractical gifts for
+the twins back in Wisconsin and for all the family and those good
+friends who had helped me through Madison.
+
+The week before we sailed my husband said, out of a clear sky: "Be sure
+you have the right clothes, Mary. The English are a conservative lot."
+Suddenly I was conscious again that I did not know the essential things
+the wife of a diplomat ought to know--what to wear and when, a million
+and one tremendous social trifles.
+
+The moment our magnificent liner left the dock I heaved a sigh of
+relief. Tom would be mine for two whole weeks, and all the questions I
+had saved up would be answered. That evening he announced: "We don't
+dress for dinner the first night out."
+
+"Dress for dinner?" I asked. "What do you mean?"
+
+And then very gently he gave me my first lesson. I had never seen
+anything bigger than a ferry-boat. How could I guess that even on an
+ocean liner we did not leave formality behind? The "party dresses",
+so carefully selected, the long, rich velvet cape I had thought
+outrageously extravagant, and the satin slippers and the suede--I had
+packed them all carefully in the trunk and sent them to the hold of the
+ship. But, with the aid of a little cash, the steward finally produced
+my treasure trunk, and thereafter I dressed for dinner.
+
+The two weeks I had expected my husband to give me held no quiet hours.
+There is no such thing, except when one is seasick, as being alone
+aboard a ship. Tom was popular, good at cards and deck games, always
+ready to play. And the fourth day out I was too ill to worry about the
+customs at the Court of St. James.
+
+It was not until just before we reached England that I began to feel
+myself again. I stood on deck, thrilled with the tall ships and the
+steamers, the fishing smacks and the smaller craft in Southampton
+harbor.
+
+"What will be the first thing you do in London?" somebody asked me.
+
+"Go to Mayfair to find the home of Becky Sharp," I answered. Becky
+Sharp was as much a part of English history to me as Henry VIII or Anne
+Boleyn or William the Conqueror. When my husband and I were alone he
+said: "I think they have picked out No. 21 Curzon Street as the house
+where Becky Sharp is supposed to have lived. But what a funny thing for
+you to want to see first!"
+
+I remembered what old Lord Steyne had said to Becky: "You poor little
+earthen pipkin. You want to swim down the stream with great copper
+kettles. All women are alike. Everybody is striving for what is not
+worth the having."
+
+I was quite sure I did not want to drift down the stream with copper
+kettles. I only wanted to be with Tom, to see England with him, to
+enjoy Dr. Johnson's haunts, to go to the "Cheddar Cheese" and the
+Strand, to Waterloo Bridge, and down the road the Romans built before
+England was England.
+
+I wanted to see the world without the world seeing me. In my heart was
+no desire to be a copper kettle. But I had been cast into the stream,
+and down it I must go, like a little fungus holding to the biggest
+copper kettle I knew.
+
+I told my husband this. It was the first time he had been really
+irritated with me. "Why do you worry about these things?" he protested.
+"You have a good head and a good education. You are the loveliest woman
+in England. Be your own natural self and the English will love you."
+But I remembered another occasion when he had told me to be my own
+natural sweet self.
+
+"How about what happened to Becky?" I asked.
+
+Tom went into a rage. "Why do you insist on comparing yourself with
+that little ------!" The word he used was an ugly one. I did not speak
+to him again until after we had passed the government inspectors.
+
+
+I shall never forget my first day in London, the old, quiet city where
+everybody seemed so comfortable and easy-going. There was no show, no
+pretense. The people in the shops and on the street bore the earmarks
+of thrift. I understood where New England got its spirit.
+
+The first morning at the Alexandra Hotel, Tom fell naturally into the
+European habit of having coffee and fruit and a roll brought to his bed.
+I wanted to go down to the dining room. My husband said it was not done
+and I would be lonesome. The days of ranch life had taught me to get up
+with the chickens. But it was not done in London. The second morning
+the early sun was too much for me. I dressed, left the hotel, and
+walked for several hours before a perfect servant brought shining plates
+and marmalade, fruit and coffee to my big husky football player's
+bedside. I have lived many years in Europe, but I have never grown used
+to having breakfast brought to my room.
+
+That second rainy morning Tom left me alone with the promise of being
+back for luncheon. I picked up a London morning paper and glanced at
+the personal column. I have read it every day since when I could get
+hold of the London Times. All of human nature and the ups and downs of
+man are there, from secondhand lace to the mortgaged jewels of
+broken-down nobility, from sporting games and tickets for sale to
+relatives wanted, and those mysterious, suggestive, unsigned messages
+from home or to home. I read the news of the war. We in America did
+not know there was a war. But Greece and Crete were at each other's
+throats, and Turkey was standing waiting to crowd the little ancient
+nation into Armenia or off the map. There was the Indian famine--We did
+not talk about it at home, but it had first place in the London paper.
+And the Queen's birthday,--it was to be celebrated by feeding the poor
+of East London and paying the debts of the hospitals. There was
+something so humane, so kindly, so civilized about it all! "I love
+England," I said, and that first impression balanced the scale many a
+time later when I did not love her.
+
+
+The third or fourth day brought an invitation to dine at a famous house
+on Grosvenor Square--with a duke!
+
+I pestered my husband with questions. What should I wear? What should
+I talk about? He just laughed.
+
+The paper had reported a "levee ordered by the queen", describing the
+gowns and jewels worn by the ladies.
+
+I had little jewelry--a diamond ring, which Tom gave me before we were
+married, a bracelet, two brooches, and a string of gold beads, which
+were fashionable in America. I put them all on with my best bib and
+tucker. When we were dressed, Tom gave me one look and said, "Why do
+you wear all that junk?" I took off one of the brooches and the string
+of gold beads.
+
+When our carriage drew up to the house on Grosvenor Square, liveried
+servants stood at each side of the door, liveried servants guided us
+inside. There was a gold carpet, paintings of ladies and gentlemen in
+gorgeous attire, and murals and tapestries in the marble halls. But I
+quickly forgot all of this grandeur listening to the names of guests
+being called off as they entered the drawing-room: Mr. Gladstone and
+Mrs. Gladstone, Lord Rosebery and the Marquis of Salisbury, Mrs. Humphry
+Ward, looking fatter and older than I had expected, officers, colonels,
+viscounts, and ladies, and then Tom and Mary--but they were not called
+off that way. I wanted to meet Mr. Gladstone, and hoped I might even be
+near him at dinner; but I sat between a colonel and a young captain of
+the Scots Greys.
+
+
+Mr. Gladstone was on the other side of the table. It was a huge table,
+more than five feet wide and very long. My husband was somewhere out of
+sight at the other end. Mr. Gladstone mentioned the fund being raised
+for the victims of the Paris Opera Comique fire. It is good form to be
+silent in the presence of death, especially when death is colossal, and
+the English never fail to follow good form. There was a sudden lull at
+our end of the table.
+
+It was I who broke that silence. I was touched by the generosity of
+England, and said so. Since my arrival I had daily noted that England
+was giving to India, sending relief to Greece and Armenia, raising a
+fund for the fire sufferers, and celebrating the Queen's Jubilee by
+feeding the poor. I addressed my look and my admiring words to Mr.
+Gladstone.
+
+Either my sincerity or the embarrassment he knew would follow my
+disregard of "the thing that is done" moved Mr. Gladstone's sympathy.
+He smiled across the table at me and answered, "I am so glad you see
+these good points of England." It was about the most gracious thing
+that was ever done to me in my life. In England it is bad form to speak
+across the table. One speaks to one's neighbor on the right or to one's
+neighbor on the left; but the line across the table is foreign soil and
+must not be shouted across.
+
+That night my husband said: "I forgot to tell you. They never talk
+across the table in England." I chided him, and with some cause. I had
+soon discovered that in England, as in America, it was not enough to be
+"my own natural self." But I came to love Mr. Gladstone. Long after
+that I told him the story of Mrs. Grant, who, when an awkward young man
+had broken one of her priceless Sevres after-dinner coffee cups, dropped
+hers on the floor to meet him on the same level. "Any woman who, to put
+any one at ease, will break a priceless Sevres cup is heroic," I said.
+His answer, though flippant, was pleasant: "Any man who would not smile
+across the table at a lovely woman is a fool."
+
+Mr. Gladstone always wore a flower in his button-hole, a big, loose
+collar that never fitted, a floppy black necktie, and trousers that
+needed a valet's attention. He was the greatest combination of
+propriety and utter disregard of conventions I had ever seen.
+
+The event next in importance to a presentation at court was a tea at
+which the tea planter Sir Thomas Lipton was one of the guests. He was
+not Sir Thomas then, but was very much in the limelight, having
+contributed twenty-five thousand pounds to the fund collected by the
+Princess of Wales to feed the poor of London in commemoration of Queen
+Victoria's Diamond Jubilee.
+
+The Earl of Lathom, then the Lord Chamberlain, who looked like Santa
+Claus and smiled like Andrew Carnegie, was among the guests; so were Mr.
+and Mrs. Gladstone. Since the night he had talked to me across the
+table I always felt that Mr. Gladstone was my best friend in England.
+He had a sense of humor, so I said: "Is there anything pointed in asking
+the tea king to a tea?" That amused Gladstone. He could not forgive
+Lipton parting his hair in the middle.
+
+That night I repeated my joke to Tom. Instead of smiling, he said:
+"That's not the way to get on in England. It 's too Becky Sharpish."
+
+
+And then came the day of the queen's salon. Victoria did not often have
+audiences, the Prince of Wales or some other member of the royal family
+usually holding levees and receiving presentations in her name.
+
+Tom had warned me that there were certain clothes to be worn at a
+presentation. I asked one of my American friends at the embassy, who
+directed me to a hairdresser--the most important thing, it seemed, being
+one's head. She told me also to wear full evening dress, with long
+white gloves, and to remove the glove of the right hand.
+
+The hairdresser asked about my jewels. Remembering what Tom had said
+about "junk", I said I would wear no jewels. She was horrified, I would
+have to wear some, she insisted, if only a necklace of pearls. She
+tactfully suggested that if my jewels had not arrived I could rent them
+from Mr. Somebody on the Strand. It was frequently done, she said, by
+foreigners.
+
+My friend at the embassy was politely surprised that Tom's wife would
+think of renting real or imitation jewels. In the end I insisted upon
+going without jewels. I had the required plumes in my hair, and the
+veil that was correct form at court, and my lovely evening gown and
+pearl-embroidered slippers, which were to me like Cinderella's at the
+ball.
+
+Before I left the hotel I asked Tom to look at me critically. I was
+still young--very young, very much in love, and unacquainted with the
+ways of the world, and so heaven came down into my heart when Tom took
+me into his arms and, kissing me, said: "There was never such a lovely
+queen."
+
+It was about three o'clock when we reached the Pimlico entrance.
+Guards were on duty, and men who looked like princes or very important
+personages in costume, white stockings, black pumps, buckles, breeches,
+and gay coats, stood at the door. Inside the hall a gold carpet
+stretched to the marble stairs. It was a wonderful place, and I wanted
+to stop and look. I was conscious of being a "rubber-neck." I might
+never see another palace again.
+
+We were guided up wonderful stairs and led into a sumptuous room, where,
+with the other guests, we waited for the arrival of the queen and the
+royal family. No one does anything or says anything at a salon. A
+"drawing-room" is a sacred rite in England. It is recorded on the first
+page of the news, taking precedence over wars, decisions of supreme
+courts, famines, and international controversies. Her Majesty receives.
+To the Englishman, to be presented at court is to be set up in England
+as class, to be worshiped by those who have not been in the presence of
+the queen, and to pay a little more to the butcher and milliner.
+
+I should have loved that "drawing-room" if I could have avoided the
+presentation. It was an impressive picture--the queen with a face like
+a royal coin, a fine, generous forehead and beautiful nose, her
+intelligent and kindly eyes, her ample figure, her dignity come from
+long, long years of rule. Back of her the Prince of Wales and the Prime
+Minister, who in later years I found myself always comparing to little
+Mr. Carnegie, the Viscount Curzon with his royal look, and in the
+foreground Sir S. Ponsonby-Fane, in white silk stockings, pumps and
+buckles, with sword and gold lace, and high-collared swallow-tailed
+coat. I admired the queen's black moire dress, her headdress of
+priceless lace, her diamonds, her high-necked dress held together with
+more diamonds, and her black gloves, in striking contrast to our own. I
+was enjoying the picture.
+
+Then my name was called.
+
+
+I had been thinking such kindly things of England--Mr. Balfour fighting
+for general education; Mr. Gladstone struggling to make England push
+Turkey back and save Greece; all England raising money for the fire
+sufferers of Paris and the Indian famine. What a humanitarian race they
+were! I felt as pro-England as any of the satellites in that room, and
+almost as much awed. But back of it all was a natural United States
+be-natural-as-you-were-born impulse. Neither Back Bay Boston nor Tom's
+Philadelphia friends had been able to repress it. When my name was
+called and I stepped up, I made the little bow I had practised for hours
+the day before and that morning; and then, as I looked into the eyes of
+the queen, I held out my hand! It was the instinctive action of a
+free-born American.
+
+I have realized in the years since what a real queen she was. Smiling,
+she extended her hand--but not to be touched. It was a little wave, a
+little imitation of my own impulsive outstretching to a friend; then her
+eyes went to the next person, and I was on my way, having been presented
+at court and done what "is not done" in England.
+
+Tom's mission in England was important. He had friends, and there were
+distinguished people in England who regarded him and his family of
+sufficient value to "take us aboard." They were most gracious and
+kindly. But Tom's eyes were not smiling.
+
+
+That night my husband said some very frank things to me. His position,
+and even the credit of our country to some extent, depended upon our
+conduct. He did not say he was ashamed of me, and in my heart I do not
+think he was; but he regretted that I had not been trained in the little
+things upon which England put so much weight. He suggested my employing
+a social secretary.
+
+"What I need, Tom," I said, "is a teacher. You have told me these
+customs are not important. They are important. I need some one to
+teach them to me, and I propose to get a teacher."
+
+In the personal columns of the Times I had read this advertisement:
+
+ 'A lady of aristocratic birth and social training
+ desires to be of service to a good-paying guest.'
+
+I swallowed my pride and answered it. I was not her paying guest, but I
+employed this Scotch lady of aristocratic birth and social experience.
+
+On the first day at luncheon, which we ate privately in my apartment,
+she said: "In England a knife is held as you hold a pen, the handle
+coming up above the thumb and between the thumb and first finger." My
+sense of humor permitted me to ask, after trying it once, "What do you
+do when the meat is tough?" The Scotch aristocrat never smiled. "It is
+n't," she answered.
+
+I was humiliated and a little soul-sick before that luncheon ended.
+I had been told to break each bite of my bread; a lady never bites a
+piece of bread. I had been told to use a knife to separate my fish,
+when I had learned, oh, so carefully, in America to eat fish with a fork
+and a piece of bread. I might have laughed about it all had not so much
+been at stake, even Tom's respect.
+
+
+
+
+III.
+
+The Scotch lady of aristocratic birth and social experience lived with
+me one terrible week. On the seventh day I came home from shopping with
+presents for the twins back in Wisconsin. A day or so earlier, while my
+mentor was out of the room, I had asked the chef waiter of our floor
+about himself and his family, and found that his family too included
+twins. So with the present for my family I also brought some for his.
+
+Mr. MacLeod, the member of Parliament from Scotland, and Lord Lansdowne
+happened to be calling when I arrived, and Tom and the Scotch lady were
+there. The chef waiter was taking the coats of the gentlemen callers.
+I received the guests, acknowledged the introductions, and then, as I
+removed my own coat, I handed him the little package.
+
+When we were alone the Scotch lady turned to me. "In England," she
+said, "ladies never converse with their servants, particularly in the
+presence of guests."
+
+Then she sealed her doom. "Ladies never make gifts to their servants,"
+she added. "Their secretaries, housekeepers, or companions disburse
+their bounty."
+
+I remembered the old U. S. A. An American chef waiter might hope to be
+the father of a President. On the ranch I had cooked for men of less
+education and much worse manners than this domestic who brought my
+athletic husband's breakfast to his bedside and who happened to be the
+proud father of twins.
+
+I would learn table manners from an English lady of aristocratic birth
+and social experience; but when it came to the human act of a little
+gift to a faithful servant, I declared my American independence.
+
+I was homesick for Wisconsin, homesick for real and simple people.
+I wanted to go home! That night Tom and I had our first real quarrel,
+and it was over my dismissal of the Scotch lady of aristocratic birth.
+Life became intolerable for a while. I dragged through days of bitter
+homesickness. Nothing seemed real. No one seemed sincere. Life was a
+stage. Everybody seemed to be acting a part and speaking their pieces
+with guttural voices. Even my husband's voice sounded different--or
+else I realized for the first time that Boston apes London English. Tom
+had learned his mother tongue in Boston, and now suddenly he seemed like
+a foreigner to me simply because he spoke like these other foreigners.
+The sun went out of my heaven. I was dumb with loneliness and sick with
+the fear of lost faith. Could it be that my husband was affecting these
+English mannerisms? Certainly he seemed at home in England, while I
+seemed to be adrift, alone in an arctic ocean.
+
+I had no friend in England, and more and more my husband's special work
+was engrossing him. When we were together I felt tongue-tied. He had
+tried to be gentle with me; but I was strange in this world of his, and
+lonely and sensitive. I had dreamed so much of this world, and now that
+I was in it, it was false and petty. I longed for the United States,
+for my Northwest, for my hills and wide, far plains. I wanted to meet
+somebody from Madison who smiled like a friend.
+
+One day Tom looked at me searchingly, and said I must be ill.
+
+I confessed to a little homesickness. Tom became very attentive.
+He took me sightseeing. We lunched at the quaint inn where Dickens
+found his inspiration for "Pickwick Papers" and where the literary
+lights of London foregathered and still foregather for luncheon. We sat
+in one of the cozy little stalls--just Tom and I.
+
+Suddenly it swept over me that life had gone all wrong. Here was a
+dream come true, and no joy in my heart. Tom asked me for my thoughts.
+I told him, quite frankly, I was thinking of home. I was thinking of
+mother in her cotton house dress with her knitted shawl around her
+shoulders, of father in his jeans and high boots tramping over the range
+with the men; I saw the cow and the pigs and the chickens, the smelly
+corral and the water hole, the twins trying to rub each other's face in
+the mud. And I was thinking--Tom would n't fit into my world, and I
+could not belong to his. That was the second time I heard Tom swear.
+He wanted to know what kind of a snob I thought he was. He'd be as much
+at home with dad on the ranch as he was in London. "The fault is with
+you," he said. "You 're not adaptable, and you don't try to be."
+
+Tom did n't understand. He never did. In all the years together, which
+he made so rich and happy, Tom never understood how hard and bitter a
+school was that first year of my married life. But Tom did try to give
+me a good time in London. He took me to interesting places and we were
+entertained by a number of people, mostly ponderous and stupid. Tom did
+not suggest that we entertain in our turn. I think he felt I was not
+ready for it, although even in after years, when we talked frankly about
+many things, he would never admit this.
+
+I shall never forget my first week-end party in England. I was not
+well, and Tom, manlike, felt sure the change, a trip down to Essex and
+new people, would do me good. The thought of the country and a visit
+with some good simple country folk appealed to me too, so I packed the
+bags and met Tom at Victoria Station at eleven o'clock. Alas! It is a
+far cry from a Montana ranch to a gentleman's estate in England! My
+vision of a quiet visit "down on a farm" vanished the minute we stepped
+off the train. Liveried coachmen collected our baggage. They seemed to
+be discussing something; then I heard Tom say: "I guess that 's all.
+I 'll wire back for the rest of it."
+
+
+We were led to a handsome cart drawn by a fine tandem team, and Tom and
+I were alone for a minute.
+
+"My God, Mary!" he burst out, "didn't you bring any clothes for us?"
+
+"I certainly have," I retorted, sure I was in the right this time.
+"Your nightshirt and my nightgown; your toilet articles and mine; a
+change of underclothes; a clean shirt and two collars for you, and my
+new striped silk waist."
+
+I shall never forget Tom's expression.
+
+"Do you know where we are going?" he groaned. "To one of the grandest
+houses in England! Oh, Lord! I ought to have told you. You 'll need
+all the clothes you have down here. And--and a valet and maid will
+unpack the bags--oh, hell!" After more of the same kind of talk, he
+began to cook up some yarn to tell the valet.
+
+Suddenly all that is free-born in me rose to the surface. "Is it the
+thing for gentlemen to be afraid of the valet?" I asked my husband.
+"Does a servant regulate your life and set your standards?"
+
+Tom was quiet for several moments; then he took my hand and said very
+earnestly: "Mary, don't you ever lose your respect for the real things.
+It will save both of us." After a while he added: "Just the same, I 'll
+have to lie out of this baggage hole."
+
+He did, in a very casual, laughing way--such a positive set of lies that
+I marveled and began to wonder how much of Tom was acting and how much
+was real.
+
+Tom went back to London on the next train, and reached the "farm" with
+our baggage before it was time to dress for the eight-o'clock dinner.
+
+The dinner was long and stupid. After dinner the women went into the
+drawing-room and gossiped about politics and personalities until the men
+joined them, when they sat down to cards. I did not know how to play
+cards, and so was left with a garrulous old woman who had eaten and
+drunk over-much.
+
+
+It had been a long day for me. I was ill and tired. Suddenly sleep
+began to overpower me. I batted my eyes to keep them open. I tried
+looking at the crystal lights, but my leaden eyes could not face them.
+The constant drone of that old woman was putting me to sleep. I tried
+to say a few words now and then to wake myself. I felt myself slipping.
+Once my head dropped and came up with a jerk. I watched the great
+French clock. Its hands did not seem to move. I looked at Tom. He was
+absorbed in his game. I could not endure it another minute. I went
+over and said good night to my hostess who had spoken to me only once
+since my arrival.
+
+Drowsy as I was, I noticed she seemed surprised. "Oh, no," I told her;
+"I am not ill, only very sleepy."
+
+How good my pillow felt!
+
+The next morning Tom was cross. I had made a _faux pas_. I had shown I
+was bored and peeved and had gone to bed before the hostess indicated it
+was bedtime. It "was n't done" in England.
+
+"What do you do if you can't keep awake?" I asked. "You slip out
+quietly, go to your room ask a maid to call you after you have had forty
+winks, then you go back and pretend you are having a good time," said
+Tom.
+
+There were some bitter hours after we got back to London. But Tom won,
+and I promised to get a companion. Then there came into my life the
+most wonderful of friends. She was the widow of a British Army officer
+who had been killed in India, and her only child was dead. She was a
+woman of education and heart; she understood my needs, all of them, and
+I interested her. She had seen great suffering; she had a deep feeling
+for humanity and an honest desire to be of use in the world. In the
+English register my companion was listed as the Honorable Evelyn, but we
+quickly got down to Mary and Eve. We loved each other. Eve went to
+France with us a few months later. She made me talk French with her.
+My first formal dinner in France was a pleasant surprise. It was like a
+great family party--not dull and quiet like the English dinner, and ever
+so much more fun. Everybody participated. If there was one lion at the
+table, everybody shared him.
+
+[Illustration: p060.jpg MY FIRST FORMAL DINNER IN FRANCE]
+
+There is something in being born on a silken couch. Nothing surprises
+you. You are at ease anywhere in the world. Eve fitted into Paris as
+naturally as in her native London, I began to feel at home there myself.
+It was a city of happy people--care free, natural, sympathetic. There
+was a lack of restraint which, after the oppressive dignity of London,
+was a rare treat. No one was critical. Every one accepted my halting
+and faulty French without ridicule or condescension. The amiability and
+the friendliness of the French people thawed my heart and began to lift
+me out of my slough of homesickness. Happiness came back to me.
+
+There had been hours in England when only the knowledge that a woman's
+rarest gift was coming to me, and that Tom was proud and happy about it,
+kept me from running away--back to the simple life of my own United
+States.
+
+I was homesick for mother. Babies were a mystery to me, although I had
+helped mother with all of hers. We had buried three of them in homemade
+coffins--pioneering is a ruthless scythe, and only the fit survive. I
+began to understand my mother and the glory in the character which never
+faltered, although she was alone and life had been hard. How could I
+whine when I had Tom and a good friend--and life was like a playground?
+
+I loved the French. They regard life with a frankness which sometimes
+shocked my reserved Boston husband. He never accepted intimacy. The
+restraint of old England was still in his blood. The free winds of the
+prairie had swept it from mine.
+
+My new friends in Paris discovered my happy secret. It was my
+all-absorbing thought, and I was delighted to be able to discuss it
+frankly. Motherhood is the great and natural event in the life of a
+woman in France, and no one makes a secret of it. I was very happy in
+Paris. And then--Tom had to go to Vienna.
+
+Not even Tom, Eve, and the promised baby could make me happy there. In
+all the world I had seen no place where the line of class distinction
+was so closely drawn, where social customs were so rigid and court forms
+so sacred, as at the Austrian capital. Learning the social customs of
+Vienna seemed as endless as counting the pebbles on the beach--and about
+as useful. The clock regulated our habits in Vienna. Up to eleven
+o'clock certain attire was proper. If your watch stopped you were sure
+to break a social law. I once saw a distinguished diplomat in distress
+because he found himself at an official function at eleven-thirty with a
+black tie--or without one, I have forgotten which!
+
+At first it offended me to receive an invitation--or a command--to
+appear at a formal function, with an accompanying slip telling exactly
+what to wear. Then I laughed about it.
+
+Finally I rebelled. On the plea of ill health, I made Tom do the social
+honors for me, while Eve and I did the museums and the galleries and the
+music fetes. Years later I went back to Vienna, and I did not discredit
+my country. But I never loved the city. I enjoyed its art, its
+fascinating shops, its picturesque streets and people, and its beautiful
+women. But for me Vienna has the faults of France and England, the
+poverty and arrogance of London, and the frivolity of Paris, without
+their redeeming qualities.
+
+
+So I was glad to return to England. The second day in London, Tom took
+me to an exhibition important in the art world, or at least in the
+official life of London. Everybody who was somebody was there. I saw
+the Princess of Wales and the Marquis of Salisbury, who was then
+Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs. I saw Mr. Balfour, so handsome
+and gracious that I refused to believe there had ever been cause to call
+him "Bloody Balfour." There was something kingly about him--yet he was
+simply Mr. Balfour. Years afterward I realized that to know Mr. Balfour
+is either to worship him or hate him. No one takes the middle course.
+I had begun to have a beautiful time that afternoon.
+
+I felt happy, acutely conscious of my blessings and of one coming
+blessing in particular. Mr. Gladstone joined us, and Sir Henry Irving
+came over to speak to Eve. She told him I had just said that England
+had a mold for handsome men. Irving was interesting and striking,
+though certainly not handsome; but he took the compliment to himself,
+smiled, bowed his thanks, and said:
+
+"And America for beautiful women."
+
+Mr. Gladstone, too, could indulge in small talk. "You should have seen
+her rosy cheeks before she went to the Continent," he said, and added
+kindly that I looked very tired and should go down to Hawarden Castle
+and rest.
+
+"Oh," I explained happily, "it is n't that--I 'm not tired. It is such
+a happy reason!" I felt Eve gasp. Mr. Gladstone opened his kind eyes
+very wide, and his heavy chin settled down in his collar. It was the
+last bad break I made. But it was a blessing to me, for it robbed all
+social form of terror. For the first time, I realized that custom is
+merely a matter of geography. One takes off one's shoes to enter the
+presence of the ruler of Persia. One wears a black tie until eleven
+o'clock in Vienna--or does n't. One uses fish knives in England until
+he dines with royalty--then one must manage with a fork and a piece of
+bread. One dresses for dinner always, and waits for the hostess to say
+it is time, and speaks only to one's neighbor at table. In France one
+guest speaks to any or all of the others; all one's friends extend
+congratulations if a baby is coming; one shares all his joys with
+friends. But in England nobody must know, and everybody must be
+surprised. No one ever speaks of himself in England. They are
+sensitive about everything personal. But there is an underground and
+very perfect system by which everything about everybody is known and
+noised about and discussed with everybody except the person in question.
+It is a mysterious and elaborate hypocrisy.
+
+
+With the aid of Eve, I made a thorough study of the geography of social
+customs. I learned the ways of Europe, of the Orient, and of South
+America. It is easier to understand races if one understands the
+psychology of their customs. I realized that social amenities are too
+often neglected in America, and our manners sometimes truthfully called
+crude. But I told myself with pride that our truly cultivated people
+will not tolerate a social form that is not based on human, kindly
+instincts. It was not until the World War flooded Europe with American
+boys and girls that I realized the glory of our social standards and the
+great need to have our own people understand those standards.
+
+
+
+
+IV.
+
+Fear is the destroyer of peace. I knew no peace until I learned not to
+be afraid of conventions. The three most wretched years in my life
+might easily have been avoided by a little training at home or at
+school.
+
+I realize now the unhappiness of those first years of my married life.
+I was awkward and ill at ease in a world that valued social poise above
+knowledge. From my childhood I had loved honest, sincere people. After
+my marriage I met distinguished men and women, even a few who might be
+called great; but they, too, had their affectations and petty vanities.
+Being young, I judged them harshly because they set what I considered
+too much store upon absurd conventions.
+
+In the course of my travels since, I have come to realize that social
+customs are a simple matter of geography! What is proper in England is
+bad form in France, and many customs that were correct in Vienna would
+be intolerable in Spain. In the formal circles of Vienna no one spoke
+to anybody without an introduction. In Spain there was a more subtle
+and truly aristocratic standard. The assumption was that anybody one
+met in the home of one's host was desirable, and it was courtesy,
+therefore, to begin a conversation with any guest. This is the attitude
+also in parts of France.
+
+But in those first months I had not acquired my philosophy. I lived
+through homesick days, and some that were hard and bitter. I stayed
+with Tom that first year only because I was too bewildered to take any
+initiative, and because I kept hoping that things would right themselves
+and I would wake out of my nightmare. My baby came in the second year,
+and then I could not go home. The simple life of my own people slipped
+very, very far away. We made a hurried trip back to the United States
+that summer, but Tom would not consent to my going West. His own family
+wanted to see our baby, and they decided that the little fellow had
+traveled enough and should not be subjected to the hardships of a
+cross-country train trip. So Tom sent for mother and the twins to come
+to us, and they arrived at the Waldorf Hotel, where we were staying.
+Dear, simple mother, in her terrible clothes, and the twins, got up with
+more thought for economy than for beauty! I shopped extravagantly with
+them. The youngsters wanted to see everything in New York; but mother,
+despite all of those hard, lonely years in our rough country and the
+many interesting things for her to do and see in New York--mother wanted
+nothing better than to stay with the baby.
+
+
+With all the children she had brought into this world one might think
+she had seen enough of babies. But she adored my little son. How near
+she seemed to me then! How hungry I had been for her, without realizing
+it! I felt that she loved my baby boy as she had never loved me or any
+of her own children. And I understood why mother never had had time to
+love her own babies. In the struggle for existence of those hard years
+she had never had a minute to indulge in the pure joy of having her
+baby. I sat watching her with her first grandchild, so sweet in his
+exquisite hand-sewn little clothes, and suddenly I found myself crying
+hysterically.
+
+Mother was very dear to me from that day. Later in this chronicle I
+want to give a chapter to my mother and what we both suffered during
+this period of her visit to New York, for it marked the climax of my own
+development. When mother and the children started off on their return
+trip to the West, Tom sent them flowers and candy and fruit. He had
+already generously put financial worry away from my family for all time,
+but I knew that he was a little ashamed of some of mother's crudities.
+I wondered why I did not feel ashamed. I was very, very glad I did not.
+It gave me something tangible to cling to--a sure consciousness of
+power, that comes of knowing one possesses the true pride to rise above
+the opinions of other people.
+
+I would have given my life, that day, to be able to assure my family
+that material security which they owed to my husband, who neither loved
+nor understood them. I looked down the years and saw myself crushed by
+a burden of indebtedness to a man I felt I no longer loved. Only
+mother's grateful, simple happiness eased my hurt. I had never
+approached my mother, but I knew now that if her natural dignity and
+great, kind heart had been given the advantages that the women in my
+husband's family took as a matter of course, she would have been
+superior to them all. Yet they barely tolerated mother--no more.
+
+I longed to go home to my own warm, hearty, open West. I stood on the
+ferry after they had gone, thinking that, if my family were not so
+deeply indebted to my husband, I would leave him. I suppose I did not
+really mean that thought, but it made me unhappy. I felt disloyal and
+dishonest. Finally I told Tom. There was a scene; but from that day he
+began to understand me, and things were better. A few days later we
+came home from a dinner party, and, after going to the baby's room for a
+minute, Tom asked me to stay and talk. But he did not talk. For a long
+time he sat smoking and thinking. I knew he had something on his mind,
+and I waited. Finally I realized that he was embarrassed.
+
+"Can I help? Is it something I have done that has embarrassed you?" I
+asked.
+
+
+That was many years ago, but I can never forget the look Tom gave me.
+It held all the love of our courtship and something besides that I had
+never seen in his face before.
+
+"For God's sake, never say that to me again!" he cried. "Embarrassed
+me! I am proud of you--you never can know how proud. I was sitting here
+trying to think how to tell you something my mother said about you, and
+just what it means."
+
+His mother! My heart dropped. His mother had never said anything about
+me, excepting criticism. I had been a bitter disappointment to her.
+Whatever she said would be politely cruel--at best, a damning with faint
+praise.
+
+"She said," my husband went on, "that she is very happy in our marriage,
+completely satisfied, and that she has come to be proud of you. I don't
+know how to tell you just what that means."
+
+I knew. I knew his mother could have given me no higher praise. I had
+learned what to her were the essentials; I had cultivated the manner she
+placed above price. But the realization brought self-distrust. Had I
+lost my honesty and sincerity?
+
+Tom went on to tell me that his mother had particularly admired my
+attitude toward my own mother, and the manner in which I met every
+little failing of hers. She felt I had a sense of true values in
+people, and that the simplicity and sureness with which I had met this
+situation was the essence of good breeding.
+
+I had not thought it possible that Tom's mother could understand my
+feeling for my mother and my honest pride in her real worth. Perhaps,
+I reflected, I had been unjust to my mother-in-law. I knew what a shock
+I had been to her in the early days of our marriage, and I knew only too
+well that even Tom had often regretted my ignorance of social usages.
+
+They are simple customs, and should be taught in every school in
+America, but I had not learned them. I was happy that night and for
+days afterward.
+
+Then we went back to Europe. Tom knew people on the steamer to whom I
+took a dislike. They were bold and even vulgar, and Tom admitted that
+he did not admire them. I made up my mind we should avoid them. The
+next afternoon I found Tom and that group walking the deck arm in arm,
+chatting affably. When we were alone, I asked Tom how he could do it.
+I know now that a man cannot hold an official position like Tom's and
+ignore politically important people. But he only said rather
+carelessly, and with a laugh, that it was one of the prices a man pays
+for public office.
+
+
+After that I noticed that my husband was known to nearly every one. He
+had a glad hand and a smile for the public--because it was the public.
+I watched to see if he had a slightly different smile for the people of
+Back Bay and his own particular social class; sometimes I thought he
+had, and it made me a little soul-sick.
+
+I longed for a home for my baby and a few friends I could love and
+really enjoy. I was not fitted to be the wife of a public man. It was
+the poverty and crudeness of my youth that had made me intolerant. One
+of the big lessons life has taught me is that people can be amiable,
+tolerant, and even friendly, and still be sincere. The pleasantry of
+social relations among the civilized peoples of the earth is a mere
+garment we wear for our own protection and to cover our feelings. It is
+the oil of the machinery of life. I have found that men and women who
+take part in the big work of the earth wear that garment of civility and
+graciousness, and yet have their strong friendships and even their
+bitter enmities.
+
+But I did not understand this when we went back to Europe. I only knew
+that my husband was amiable to people he did not like, and I questioned
+how deep his affection for me went. How much of his kindness to me was
+just the easiest way and the manner of a gentleman?
+
+A hard and bare youth had made me supersensitive and suspicious and
+narrow. I wanted to measure other people by the standards of my own
+primitive years. Out on the frontier we had judged life in the rough.
+Courage and truth were the essentials. A man fought his enemies out in
+the open, and made no compromises. There was nothing easy in life, no
+smooth rhythm. And I tried to drag forward with me, as I went, the bold
+ethics of the frontier. I resented good manners because I believed they
+were a cloak of hypocrisy.
+
+A few months after we returned to Europe the shadow of death crossed our
+path, swiftly and terribly. My little son died. Other babies came to
+us later, but that first little boy had brought more into my life than
+all the rest of the world could ever give. He had restored my faith in
+life, my hope, and for a while was all my joy.
+
+People were kind, but I felt that many called merely because it was
+"good form"--"the thing to do." Bitterness was creeping into my heart.
+
+Yet why should it not be "the thing to do" to call on a bereaved mother?
+It is a gesture of humanity. Tom seemed very far away. I felt that his
+pride was hurt, perhaps his vanity; for he had boasted of the little
+fellow and loved to show him off. How little I understood!
+
+I bring myself to tell these intimate things because there is a lesson
+in them for other women--because I resent that any free-born American
+citizen should be handicapped by lacking so small and easily acquired a
+possession as poise, poise that comes with knowledge of the simple rules
+of the social game. It is my hope that this honest confession of my own
+feelings, due directly to lack of training, may help other women, and
+particularly other mothers whose children are now in the plastic years.
+
+It was my utter lack of appreciation of manners and customs in my
+husband's class that estranged me from Tom. I was resentful and
+antagonistic merely because I was different.
+
+
+My husband was suffering even as I was suffering; but no one realized
+it, least of all myself. Every one was especially kind to me, because I
+was a woman. People are rarely attentive and tender with men when loss
+comes. Men are supposed to be strong and self-controlled; their hearts
+are rated as a little less deep and tender than the hearts of women; yet
+when men are truly hurt they need love and care even as little children.
+
+A month after the baby's death, Tom and I were walking along the
+Embankment in London one Saturday afternoon, when we met a small girl
+carrying a little child. The baby was too tired to walk any farther; it
+was dirty, and was crying bitterly. Tom stopped, spoke to the girl, and
+offered to carry the baby, who soon quieted down on Tom's shoulder. At
+the end of that walk Tom's light summer suit was ruined. I expected him
+to turn with some trivial, jesting remark, but he said nothing. I
+looked at him and saw that his face was set and hard and his eyes wet.
+Without looking at me, he said: "Don't speak to me now."
+
+That moment of silence revealed to me my husband's character better than
+months of talking.
+
+The next day my husband came to me and said: "Mary, I have asked for a
+leave of absence. We are going back to the United States. We are going
+out West to have a visit with your family."
+
+Two years before I had believed that Tom would not fit into my
+Northwest. But in twenty-four hours Tom and my father were old pals.
+He was as much at home with mother and the children as I, and all the
+neighbors liked him. He was interested in everything on the ranch, and
+even in the small-town life of the village. He interested father in
+putting modern equipment on the ranch. He went hunting with the men,
+played games with the children, visited the little district schoolhouse,
+and found joy in buying gifts for the youngsters. When mother made a
+big platter full of taffy, he pulled as enthusiastically as a boy. As I
+stood at the corral, one day, and watched Tom with my youngest brother,
+I remembered him at the court of St. James, and I began to understand.
+
+Tom was natural. It was just a part of him to be kindly and gracious to
+everybody. I had never seen him angry with men of his own type, but I
+saw him furious enough to commit murder when a man on the ranch tied up
+a dog and beat her for running away. In after years I saw Tom angry
+with men of his own class; I saw him waging long, bitter fights against
+public men who had betrayed public trust. Something barbaric in me was
+satisfied that my kind, gently bred man was one with the men of my own
+tribe, who fought man and beast and the elements to take civilization
+farther west.
+
+Almost a generation slipped by between that visit to the West and the
+next scene in my life of which I shall write. Many things of personal
+and of national importance happened meantime, but they have nothing to
+do with this message to women. I was in France when the World War
+began. I had been in Vienna again, and in England at regular intervals.
+I had learned to accept life as I found it, and to get much joy out of
+living. Sometimes I chafed a little under the demands of social life
+and needless formalities, but I accepted them as inevitable.
+
+
+Then the world was torn in two. The earth dripped in blood and sorrow.
+Life became more difficult than on the frontier, and more elemental. I
+was present, in the first year of the war, in a house where the King and
+Queen of the Belgians were guests, where great generals and great
+statesmen had gathered on great and earnest and desperate business. I
+was only an onlooker, and I noticed what every one else was too absorbed
+to see. As the evening progressed, I realized that pomp and ceremony
+had died with the youth of France. King, generals, statesmen met as
+human men pitting their wits against one another, desperately struggling
+to find a way out of the hell into which they were falling.
+
+Twice the king rose to his feet, and no one else stood. They were all
+too deep in the terrible question of war.
+
+When the meeting was over and the guests of the house ready to retire,
+the little queen said very quietly: "Madam, may not my husband and I
+occupy this room together? It is very kind of you to arrange two suites
+for us, but I am sure there are many guests here to-night--and, anyway,
+I prefer to be near him."
+
+The war had done that. Who would expect a queen to think of the
+problems of housing guests, even a great queen? And the war had made
+the king not the king, but her man, very near and very dear.
+
+Many other conventions I saw die by the way as the war progressed. Then
+America came in.
+
+There is a temptation to talk about America in the war, but, after all,
+that has no bearing on my story. Soon after the United States entered,
+American men and women began to arrive in Europe in great numbers.
+I met them everywhere; sight-seeing, in offices, at universities, at
+embassies and consulates. I met them and loved them and suffered for
+them.
+
+I was proud of something they brought to France that France needed, and
+I have no doubt that many of them took back to America something from
+France that we need.
+
+For pure mental quality and courage, no people on earth could match what
+the American girls took to France. It was the finest stuff in the
+world. They knew how to meet hardship without grumbling. They knew how
+to run a kitchen and see that hungry men were fed. They knew how to
+nurse, to run telephones, automobiles--anything that needed to be done.
+Some failed and fell by the wayside, but they were the smallest possible
+percentage.
+
+Those American girls knew how to do everything--almost everything.
+
+Two wonderful girls, one who ran a telephone for the army and another in
+the "Y," both from the Middle West, were at headquarters the day the
+King and Queen of the Belgians arrived. With others they were sent to
+serve tea, and they served it. The "Y" girl, taking a young captain
+whose presence made her eyes glisten to her Majesty, said:
+
+"Captain Blank, meet the queen."
+
+And the queen, holding out her hand, and never batting an eye to show
+that all the conventions had been thrown to the winds, said:
+
+"Captain, I am very happy to meet you."
+
+They served tea--served it to the king, the queen, the general of the
+American army, and other important people. There was cake besides tea,
+and it was not easy to drink tea and eat cake standing. The telephone
+girl insisted that General Pershing must sit down. The king was
+standing, and of course, General Pershing continued to do the same.
+
+"Will you sit down?" said another girl to the king. "There are plenty
+of chairs."
+
+That girl had done her job in France--a job of which many a man might
+have been proud--and on her left breast she wore a military medal for
+valor. The king touched the medal, smiled at her, and said he was glad
+there were plenty of chairs, for he knew places where there were not.
+
+But General Pershing and his cake still bothered the little Illinois
+girl, who went back at him again and asked him to sit down and enjoy his
+cake. The king indicated to the general to be seated.
+
+No one but General Pershing would have known what to do between the rule
+to stand when a king stands and the rule to obey the order of the king.
+He gracefully placed his plate on the side of a table, half seated
+himself on it, which was a compromise, and went on enjoying himself.
+The king sat down.
+
+If any one had told that girl the sacredness of the convention she had
+ignored, she would have suffered as keenly as I had suffered in my
+youth. It was such a simple thing to learn; yet who in the middle of a
+war would think of stopping to run a class in etiquette? The point is
+that any girl capable of crossing half the world to do a big job and a
+hard one in a foreign land should have been given the opportunity to
+learn the rules of social intercourse.
+
+
+I saw some American girls and men on official occasions at private
+houses and at official functions. They were clever, attractive,
+fascinating; but when they came to the end of their visit, they rose to
+go, and then stood talking, talking, talking. They did not know exactly
+how to get away. They did not want to be abrupt nor appear to be glad
+to leave.
+
+It would have been so simple for some one to say to them: "One of the
+first rules in social life is to get up and go when you are at the end
+of your visit."
+
+I was in Paris when Marshal Joffre gave the American Ambassador, Mr.
+Sharp, the gold oak leaves as a token of France's veneration for
+America. There were young girls around us who did not hesitate to
+comment on everybody there. One little New Jersey girl insisted rather
+audibly that Clemenceau looked like the old watchman on their block;
+and a boy, a young officer, complained that General Foch "had not won
+as many decorations as General Bliss and General Pershing." Some
+youngsters asked high officers for souvenirs. Many French people
+perhaps did worse, but it hurt me to see even a few of our own splendid
+young people guilty of such crudities, because our American youth is so
+fine at heart.
+
+When the great artist Rodin died, I went to the public ceremony held in
+his memory. Suddenly I realized that America and France each had
+something left that war had not destroyed. A young American art
+student, who had given up his career for his uniform, and was invalided
+back in Paris minus an arm, stood very near me. As he turned to Colonel
+House I heard him say:
+
+"Rodin's going is another battle lost."
+
+It was typical of the American quality of which we have cause to
+boast--the fineness of heart that is in our young people.
+
+
+The day of the armistice in France, those of us who are older stood
+looking on and realizing that all class distinctions, all race, age, and
+pursuits, had been wiped off the map. People were just people. There
+was a complete abandon. I am not a young woman, but I was caught up by
+the fury of the crowd, and swept along singing, laughing, weeping.
+Young soldiers passing would reach out to touch my hand, sometimes to
+kiss me.
+
+That night I believed that the war had broken down many of our barriers;
+that all foolish customs had died; that the terrific price paid in human
+blood and human suffering had at least left a world honest with itself,
+simple and ready for good comradeship; that men were measured by
+manliness and women by ideals. It was a part of the armistice day
+fervor, but I believed it.
+
+And then I came home and went to Newport.
+
+
+
+
+V.
+
+Just before I came home to America in the Spring of 1919, I went to
+Essex for a week-end in one of those splendid old estates which are the
+pride of England.
+
+It was not my first visit, but I was awed anew by the immensity of the
+place, its culture and wealth which seemed to have existed always, its
+aged power and pride. Whole lives had been woven into its window
+curtains and priceless rugs; centuries of art lived in the great
+tapestries; successive generations of great artists had painted the
+ancestors of the present owner.
+
+All three sons of that house went into the war. One never returned from
+Egypt, another is buried in Flanders. Only the youngest returned.
+
+At first glance the smooth life seemed unchanged in the proud old house.
+But before sundown of my first day there, I knew that life had put its
+acid test to the shield and proved it pure gold.
+
+War taxes had fallen heavily on the estate and it was to be leased to an
+American. Until then, the castle was a home to less fortunate buddies
+of the owner's sons.
+
+But these were not the tests I mean, neither these nor the courage and
+the poise of that family in the face of their terrible loss, nor their
+effort to make every one happy and comfortable.
+
+It was an incident at tea time that opened my eyes. The youngest son,
+now the only son, came in from a cross-country tramp and brought with
+him a pleasant faced young woman whom he introduced as "one of my pals
+in the war."
+
+
+That was enough. Lady R. greeted her as one of the royal blood. The
+girl was the daughter of a Manchester plumber. She had done her bit,
+and it had been a hard bit, in the war, and now she was stenographer in
+a near-by village. Later in the afternoon the story came out. She had
+been clerk in the Q. M. corps and after her brother's death she asked
+for service near the front, something hard. She got it. The mules in
+the supply and ammunition trains must be fed and it was her job to get
+hay to a certain division. The girl had ten motor trucks to handle and
+twenty men, three of them noncommissioned officers.
+
+After four days, during which trucks had disappeared and mules gone
+unfed, she asked the colonel for the rank of first sergeant, with only
+enlisted men under her.
+
+Her first official orders were: All trucks must stay together. If one
+breaks down, the others will stop and help.
+
+The second day of her new command, she met our young host, who needed a
+truck to move supplies and tried to commandeer one of hers. When she
+refused, he ordered her. He was a captain.
+
+"I am under orders to get those ten loads of hay to the mules," was her
+reply.
+
+"What will you do if I just take one of them?" asked the captain.
+
+"You won't," said the girl confidently.
+
+"I must get a truck," he insisted. "What can you do about it if I take
+one of yours?"
+
+"England needs men," she answered. "But if you made it necessary I'd
+have to shoot you. If the mules are n't fed, you and other men can't
+fight. If you were fit to be a captain, you'd know that."
+
+
+The young captain told the story himself and his family enjoyed it,
+evidently admiring the Manchester lassie, who sat there as red as a
+poppy. They did not bend to the plumber's daughter, nor seem to try to
+lift her to the altars of their ancient hall.
+
+Every one met on new ground, a ground where human beings had faced death
+together. It was sign of a new fellowship, too deep and fine for even a
+fish knife to sever. There was no consciousness of ancient class.
+There was only to-day and to-morrow.
+
+It was the America I love--that spirit. The best America--valuing a
+human being for personal worth. Then I sailed for home. I went to
+Newport, to the Atlantic coast resorts. They were all the same.
+
+The world had changed but not my own country.
+
+I saw more show of wealth, more extravagance, more carelessness,
+more reckless morals than ever before, and--horrible to
+contemplate--springing up in the new world, the narrow social standards
+which war had torn from the old.
+
+Social lines tightened. Men who had been overwhelmingly welcome while
+they wore shoulder straps were now rated according to bank accounts or
+"family." The "doughboy shavetail", a hero before the armistice, or the
+aviator who held the stage until November eleventh, once he put on his
+serge suit and went back to selling insurance or keeping books, became a
+nodding acquaintance, sometimes not even that.
+
+I was heartsick. I thought often of those splendid men I had met in
+France and of the girls who poured tea for the King of the Belgians.
+I wondered if any one back home was "just nodding" to them.
+
+Everywhere was the blatant show of new wealth.
+
+New money always glitters. I saw it in cars with aluminum hoods and
+gold fittings, diamonds big as birds' eggs, ermine coats in the
+daytime--jeweled heels at night.
+
+Bad breeding plus new money shouted from every street corner. At
+private dinners, I ate foods that I knew were served merely because they
+were expensive, glutton feasts with twice as much as any one could eat
+with comfort.
+
+One day I went to market--the kind of a market to which my mother would
+have gone--and I saw women whose husbands labored hard, scorning to buy
+any but porterhouse steaks--merely because porterhouse steak stood for
+prosperity.
+
+In Washington I met a new kind of American, a type that has sprung up
+suddenly like an evil toadstool. It is a fungous disease that spreads.
+Some hangs from old American stock, some dangles from recent plantings,
+all of it is snobbish and offensive. It wears foreign clothes and
+affects foreign ways, sometimes even foreign accents. It chops and
+mumbles its words like English servants who speak their language badly.
+Some of this is acquired at fashionable finishing schools or from
+foreign secretaries and servants. These new Americans try to appear
+superior and distinctive by scorning all things American. They want
+English chintzes in their homes, French brocades and Italian silks and
+do not even know that some of these very textiles from America have won
+prizes in Europe since 1912. An American manufacturer told me he has to
+stamp his cretonne "English style print" to sell it in this country.
+
+
+This new species of American apes royalty. It goes in for crests. It
+may have made its money in gum shoes or chewing tobacco, but it hires a
+genealogist to dig up a shield. Fine, if you are entitled to a crest.
+But fake genealogists will cook up a coat for the price.
+
+There are crests on the motor-cars, crests on the stationery, on the
+silver, the toilet articles--there are sometimes even crests on the
+servants' buttons and on linen and underclothes!
+
+Fake crests are the first step down, and like all lies they lead to
+other lies. The next step is ancestors.
+
+Selling and painting ancestors is another business which thrives around
+New York, Philadelphia, and Washington. And the public swallows it.
+They swallow each other's ancestors. Even old families take these new
+descendants as a matter of course.
+
+One of these new Americans recently gave a large feast in Washington
+with every out-of-season delicacy in profusion. The only simple thing
+in the house was the mind of the hostess. That night it was a tangled
+skein.
+
+I saw she was worried. Her house was full of potentates, the wives of
+two cabinet officers, and Mrs. Coolidge. She left the room twice after
+the dinner hour had arrived, and it was late when dinner was finally
+announced.
+
+Later in the evening one of the servants whispered to the hostess that
+she was wanted on the telephone--the State Department.
+
+She returned to the drawing-room looking as if she had just heard of a
+death in the family. The guests began considerately to leave.
+
+Her expensive party was a dismal failure. As I have known her husband
+for years, I asked if I could be of any use.
+
+[Illustration: p104.jpg HER EXPENSIVE PARTY WAS A DISMAL FAILURE]
+
+"It 's too late, now," he said. "She had the Princess Bibesco and the
+Princess Lubomirska here and the wife of the Vice President, and she
+didn't know the precedence they took. She held up dinner half an hour
+trying to get the State Department and now they tell her she guessed
+wrong. It 's a tragedy to her."
+
+I confess I did not feel very sorry for that woman. I remembered my
+little Indiana girl who introduced the captain to the Queen of Belgium.
+
+I began to feel as if all America were like the De Morgan jingle:
+
+ "Great fleas have little fleas
+ On their backs to bite 'em,
+ And little fleas have lesser fleas
+ And so ad infinitum."
+
+Then I took a trip across the continent, stopping off in Indiana to see
+my little Y friends. It was like a bath for my soul. Brains count out
+West. Anybody who tries to show off is snubbed.
+
+You must do something to be anything in the Middle West; just to have
+something doesn't count. You don't list your ancestors as you must in
+Virginia or the Carolinas, but to feel self-respecting you must do
+something.
+
+I was happy to renew my wartime friendships. Those who have not shared
+a great work or a greater tragedy will not understand these bonds.
+
+The same young friend who served tea to the king took me to a musicale.
+She wore her war medal. One of the guests, a lady from Virginia who
+claims four coats of arms, was impressed by the girl's medal and the
+fact that she had entertained the king.
+
+The girl had married since the war, a fine young Irish lawyer, with a
+family name which once belonged to a king but which, since hard times
+hit the old sod, has been a butt for song and jest.
+
+The name did not impress the lady from Virginia. "You have such an
+interesting face," she said. "What was your name before your marriage?"
+
+"Oh, it was much less interesting than my husband's," answered my young
+Y friend, and lifting the conversation out of the personal she asked,
+"Have you read Mr. Keynes' 'The Economic Consequences of the Peace?'"
+
+"I had n't read it myself," she confided to me later, "but it was the
+first new book I could think of!"
+
+That is good American manners and what the French call savoir faire.
+
+The Far West still keeps the American inheritance of open hearted
+hospitality and its provincialism. The West has inherited some of the
+finest virtues of our country, and if it is not bitten by Back Bay,
+Philadelphia, Virginia, or Charleston, it will grow up into its mother's
+finest child.
+
+"No church west of Chicago, no God west of Denver," we used to hear when
+I was a child. But to-day, the churches are part of the community and
+even men go. People in the West do not seem to go to church merely out
+of respect for the devil and a conscience complex, but because they like
+to. Churches and schools are important places in the West.
+
+President Harding has said that he hopes more and more people will learn
+to want to pray in a closet alone with God. There are many people like
+that in our Middle West. I say this, because I hope it may help other
+American women who love their country to fight for honesty and purpose
+in our national life, and for tolerance and respect for the simple
+things in our private lives.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Log-Cabin Lady, An Anonymous
+Autobiography, by Unknown
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOG-CABIN LADY ***
+
+***** This file should be named 6500.txt or 6500.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+ http://www.gutenberg.org/6/5/0/6500/
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook The Log-Cabin Lady, Author Unknown
+
+Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the
+copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing
+this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook.
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+**EBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
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+*****These EBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers*****
+
+
+Title: The Log-Cabin Lady, An Anonymous Autobiography
+
+Author: Unknown
+
+Release Date: September 2004 [EBook #6500]
+[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on December 23, 2003]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
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+
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LOG-CABIN LADY, ANONYMOUS ***
+
+
+
+This eBook was produced by David Widger, widger@cecomet.net
+
+
+
+
+
+ THE LOG-CABIN LADY
+
+ An Anonymous Autobiography
+
+
+
+ PREFACE
+
+The story of The Log-Cabin Lady is one of the annals of America. It is
+a moving record of the conquest of self-consciousness and fear through
+mastery of manners and customs. It has been written by one who has not
+sacrificed the strength and honesty of her pioneer girlhood, but who
+added to these qualities that graciousness and charm which have given
+her distinction on two continents.
+
+I have been asked to tell how the story of The Log-Cabin Lady came to be
+written. At a luncheon given at the Colony Club in 1920, I was invited
+to talk about Madame Curie. There were, at that table, a group of
+important women.
+
+When I had finished the story of the great scientist, whose service to
+humanity was halted by lack of laboratory equipment, and of the very
+radium which she had herself discovered, one guest asked: "Why do you
+spend your life with a woman's magazine when you could do big work like
+serving Madame Curie?" "I believe," I replied, "that a woman's magazine
+is one of the biggest services that can be rendered in this country."
+
+My challenge was met with scorn by one of the women upon whose education
+and accomplishments a fortune had been spent. "It is stupid," she said,
+"to print articles about bringing up children and furnishing houses,
+setting tables and feeding families--or whether it is good form for the
+host to suggest another service at the dinner table."
+
+"There are twenty million homes in America," I answered. "Only eight
+per cent of these have servants in them. In the other ninety-two per
+cent the women do their own housework; bring up their own children, and
+take an active part in the life and growth of America. They are the
+people who help make this country the great nation that it is."
+
+After luncheon one of the guests, a woman of great social prominence,
+distinguished both in her own country and abroad, asked me to drive
+downtown with her. When we entered her car she said, with much
+feeling--"You must go on with the thing you are doing."
+
+Believing she referred to the Curie campaign, I replied that I had
+committed myself to the work and could not abandon it. "I was not
+referring to the Curie campaign," she replied, "but to the Delineator.
+You are right; it is of vital importance to serve the great masses of
+people. I know. It will probably surprise you to learn that when I was
+fourteen years old I had never seen a table napkin. My family were
+pioneers in the Northwest and were struggling for mere existence. There
+was no time for the niceties of life. And yet, people like my family
+and myself are worth serving and saving. I have known what it means to
+lie awake all night, suffering with shame because of some stupid social
+blunder which had made me appear ridiculous before my husband's family
+or his friends."
+
+This was a most amazing statement from a woman known socially on two
+continents, and famed for her savoir faire. There were tears in her
+eyes when she made her confession. She was stirred by a very real and
+deep emotion. It had been years, she said, since the old recollections
+had come back to her, but she had been moved by my plea for service to
+home women and to the great mass of ordinary American people.
+
+She told me that while living abroad she had often met American girls--
+intelligent women, well bred, the finest stuff in the world--who
+suffered under a disadvantage, because they lacked a little training in
+the social amenities.
+
+"It has been a satisfaction and a compensation to me," she added, "to be
+able sometimes to serve these fellow country-women of mine."
+
+And right there was born the idea which culminated in the writing of
+this little book. I suggested that a million women could be helped by
+the publishing of her own story.
+
+The thought was abhorrent to her. Her experience was something she had
+never voiced in words. It would be too intimate a discussion of herself
+and her family. She was sure her relatives would bitterly oppose such a
+confession.
+
+It took nearly a year to persuade this remarkable woman to put down on
+paper, from her recollections and from her old letters home, this simple
+story of a fine American life. She consented finally to write fragments
+of her life, anonymously. We were pledged not to reveal her identity.
+A few changes in geography and time were made in her manuscript, but
+otherwise the story is true to life, laden with adventure, spirit and
+the American philosophy. She has refused to accept any remuneration for
+the magazine publication or for royalties on the book rights. The money
+accruing from her labor is being set aside in The Central Union Trust
+Company of New York City as a trust fund to be used in some charitable
+work. She has given her book to the public solely because she believes
+that it contains a helpful message for other women, It is the gracious
+gift of a woman who has a deep and passionate love for her country, and
+a tender responsiveness to the needs of her own sex.
+ MARIE M. MELONEY.
+September 1, 1922.
+
+
+
+
+ THE LOG-CABIN LADY
+
+I. I
+
+I was born in a log cabin. I came to my pioneer mother in one of
+Wisconsin's bitterest winters.
+
+Twenty-one years later I was sailing for England, the wife of a diplomat
+who was one of Boston's wealthy and aristocratic sons.
+
+The road between--well, let it speak for itself. Merely to set this
+story on paper opens old wounds, deep, but mercifully healed these many
+years. Yet, if other women may find here comfort and illumination and a
+certain philosophy, I am glad, and I shall feel repaid.
+
+The first thing I remember is being grateful for windows. I was three
+years old. My mother had set me to play on a mattress carefully placed
+in the one ray of sunlight streaming through the one glass window of our
+log cabin. Baby as I was, I had ached in the agonizing cold of a
+pioneer winter. Lying there, warmed by that blessed sunshine, I was
+suddenly aware of wonder and joy and gratitude. It was gratitude for
+glass, which could keep out the biting cold and let in the warm sun.
+
+To this day windows give me pleasure. My father was a school-teacher
+from New England, where his family had taught the three R's and the
+American Constitution since the days of Ben Franklin's study club. My
+mother was the daughter of a hardworking Scotch immigrant. Father's
+family set store on ancestry. Mother's side was more practical.
+
+
+The year before my birth these two young people started West in a
+prairie schooner to stake a homestead claim. Father's sea-man's chest
+held a dictionary, Bancroft's History of the United States, several
+books of mathematics, Plutarch's Lives, a history of Massachusetts,
+a leather-bound file of Civil War records, Thackeray's "Vanity Fair",
+Shakespeare in two volumes, and the "Legend of Sleepy Hollow." My mother
+took a Bible.
+
+I can still quote pages from every one of those books. Until I was
+fourteen I saw no others, except a primer, homemade, to teach me my
+letters. Because "Vanity Fair" contained simpler words than the others,
+it was given me first; so at the age of seven I was spelling out pages
+of the immortal Becky.
+
+My mother did not approve, but father laughed and protested that the
+child might as well begin with good things.
+
+After mother's eighth and last baby, she lay ill for a year. The care
+of the children fell principally on my young shoulders. One day I found
+her crying.
+
+"Mary," she said, with a tenderness that was rare, "if I die, you must
+take care of all your brothers and sisters. You will be the only woman
+within eighteen miles."
+
+I was ten years old.
+
+That night and many other nights I lay awake, trembling at the
+possibility of being left the only woman within eighteen miles.
+
+But mother did not die. I must have been a sturdy child; for, with the
+little help father and his homestead partner could spare, I kept that
+home going until she was strong again.
+
+Every fall the shoemaker made his rounds through the country, reaching
+our place last, for beyond us lay only virgin forest and wild beasts.
+His visit thrilled us more than the arrival of any king to-day. We had
+been cut off from the world for months. The shoemaker brought news from
+neighbors eighteen, forty, sixty, even a hundred and fifty miles away.
+Usually he brought a few newspapers too, treasured afterward for months.
+He remained, a royal guest, for many days, until all the family was
+shod.
+
+Up to my tenth birthday we could not afford the newspaper subscription.
+But after that times were a little better, and the Boston Transcript
+began to come at irregular intervals. It formed our only tie with
+civilization, except for the occasional purely personal letter from
+"back home."
+
+
+When I was fourteen three tremendous events had marked my life: sunlight
+through a window-pane; the logrolling on the river when father added two
+rooms to our cabin; and the night I thought mother would die and leave
+me the only woman in eighteen miles.
+
+But the fourth event was the most tremendous. One night father hurried
+in without even waiting to unload or water his team. He seemed excited,
+and handed my mother a letter. Our Great-Aunt Martha had willed father
+her household goods and personal belongings and a modest sum that to us
+was a fortune. Some one back East "awaited his instructions." Followed
+many discussions, but in the end my mother gained her way. Great-Aunt
+Martha's house goods were sold at auction. Father, however, insisted
+that her "personal belongings" be shipped to Wisconsin.
+
+
+After a long, long wait, one day father and I rose at daybreak and rode
+thirty-six miles in a springless wagon, over ranchmen's roads ("the
+giant's vertebrae," Jim Hill's men called it) to the nearest express
+station, returning with a trunk and two packing cases. It was a solemn
+moment when the first box was opened. Then mother gave a cry of
+delight. Sheets and bedspreads edged with lace! Real linen pillowcases
+with crocheted edgings. Soft woolen blankets and bright handmade
+quilts. Two heavy, lustrous table-cloths and two dozen napkins, one
+white set hemmed, and one red-and-white, bordered with a soft fringe.
+
+What the world calls wealth has come to me in after years. Nothing ever
+equaled in my eyes the priceless value of Great-Aunt Martha's "personal
+belongings."
+
+I was in a seventh heaven of delight. My father picked up the books
+and began to read, paying no attention to our ecstasies over dresses and
+ribbons, the boxful of laces, or the little shell-covered case holding a
+few ornaments in gold and silver and jet.
+
+We women did not stop until we had explored every corner of that trunk
+and the two packing boxes. Then I picked up a napkin.
+
+"What are these for?" I asked curiously.
+
+My father slammed his book shut. I had never seen such a look on his
+face.
+
+"How old are you, Mary?" he demanded suddenly.
+
+I told him that I was going on fifteen.
+
+"And you never saw a table napkin?"
+
+His tone was bitter and accusing. I did n't understand--how could I?
+Father began to talk, his words growing more and more bitter. Mother
+defended herself hotly. To-day I know that justice was on her side.
+But in that first adolescent self-consciousness my sympathies were all
+with father. Mother had neglected us--she had not taught us to use
+table napkins! Becky Sharp used them. People in history used them.
+I felt sure that Great-Aunt Martha would have been horrified, even in
+heaven, to learn I had never even seen a table napkin.
+
+Our parents' quarrel dimmed the ecstasy of the "personal belongings."
+From that time we used napkins and a table-cloth on Sundays--that is,
+when any one remembered it was Sunday.
+
+Great-Aunt Martha's napkins opened up a new world for me, and they
+strengthened father's determination to give his children an education.
+The September before I reached seventeen, we persuaded mother to let me
+go to Madison and study for a half year.
+
+So great was my eagerness to learn from books, that I had given no
+thought to people. Madison, my first town, showed me that my clothes
+were homemade and tacky. Other girls wore store shoes and what seemed
+to me beautifully made dresses. I was a backwoods gawk. I hated myself
+and our home.
+
+With many cautions, father had intrusted eighty dollars to me for the
+half year's expenses. I took the money and bought my first pair of
+buttoned shoes and a store dress with nine gores and stylish mutton-leg
+sleeves! It was poor stuff, not warm enough for winter, and, together
+with a new coat and hat, made a large hole in my funds.
+
+I found work in a kindly family, where, in return for taking care of an
+old lady, I received room and board and two dollars a week. Four hours
+of my day were left for school.
+
+The following February brought me an appointment as teacher in a
+district school, at eighteen dollars a month and "turnabout" boarding in
+farmers' families.
+
+The next two years were spent teaching and attending school in Madison.
+When I was twenty, a gift from father added to my savings and made
+possible the realization of one of my dreams. I went East for a special
+summer course.
+
+No tubes shuttled under the Hudson in those days. From the ferry-boat
+I was suddenly dazzled with the vision of a towering gold dome rising
+above the four and five-story structures. The New York World building
+was then the tallest in the world. To me it was also the most
+stupendous.
+
+Impulsively I turned to a man leaning on the ferry-boat railing beside
+me. "Is n't that the most wonderful thing in the world?" I gasped.
+
+"Not quite," he answered, and looked at me. His look made me
+uncomfortable. I could have spoken to any stranger in Madison without
+embarrassment. It took me about twenty years to understand why a plain,
+middle-aged woman may chat with a strange man anywhere on earth, while
+the same conversation cheapens a good-looking young girl.
+
+That summer I met my future husband. He was doing research work at
+Columbia, and we ran across each other constantly in the library. I
+fairly lived there, for I found myself, for the first time, among a
+wealth of books, and I read everything--autobiographies, histories, and
+novels good and bad.
+
+Tom's family and most of his friends were out of town for July and
+August. I had never met any one like him, and he had never dreamed of
+any one like me. We were friends in a week and sweethearts in a month.
+
+Instead of joining his family, Tom stayed in New York and showed me the
+town. He took me to my first plays. Even now I know that "If I Were
+King" and "The Idol's Eye", with Frank Daniels, were good.
+
+One day we went driving in an open carriage--his. It was upholstered in
+soft fawn color, the coachman wore fawn-colored livery, and the horses
+were beautiful. I was very happy. When we reached my boarding house
+again, I jumped out. I was used to hopping from spring wagons.
+
+"Please don't do that again, Mary," reproved Tom, very gently. "You
+might hurt yourself." That amused me, until a look from the coachman
+suddenly conveyed to me that I had made a /faux pas/. Not long after I
+hurried off a street car ahead of Tom. This time he said nothing, but I
+have not forgotten the look on his face.
+
+Over our marvelous meals in marvelous restaurants Tom delighted to get
+me started about home. Great-Aunt Martha's "personal belongings" amused
+him hugely. He never tired of the visiting shoemaker, nor of the
+carpenter who declared indignantly that if we wore decent clothes we
+wouldn't need our bench seats planed smooth. But some things I never
+told--about the table napkins, for instance.
+
+
+We were married in September. Our honeymoon we spent fishing and
+"roughing it" in the Canadian wilds. I felt at home and blissful.
+I could cook and fish and make a bed in the open as well as any man.
+It was heaven; but it left me entirely unprepared for the world I was
+about to enter.
+
+Not once did Tom say: "Mary, we do this [or that] in our family." He
+was too happy, and I suppose he never thought of it. As for me, I
+wasted no worry on his family. They would be kind and sympathetic and
+simple, like Tom. They would love me and I would love them.
+
+The day after we returned from Canada to New York I spent looking over
+Tom's "personal belongings"--as great a revelation as Aunt Martha's.
+His richly bound books, his beautiful furniture, his pictures--
+everything was perfect. That night Tom made an announcement: "The
+family gets home to-night, and they will come to call to-morrow."
+
+"Why don't we go to the station to meet them?" I suggested.
+
+To-day I appreciate better than I could then the gentle tact with which
+Tom told me his family was strong on "good form", and that the husband's
+family calls on the bride first. My husband's family came, and I
+realized that I was a mere baby in a new world--a complicated and not
+very friendly world, at that. Though they never put it into words, they
+made me understand, in their cruel, polite way, that Tom was the hope of
+the family, and his sudden marriage to a stranger had been a great
+shock, if not more.
+
+The beautiful ease of my husband's women-folk filled me with admiration
+and despair. I felt guilty of something. I was queer. Their voices,
+the intonation, even the tilt of their chins, seemed to stamp these new
+"in-laws" as aristocrats of another race. Yet the same old New England
+stock that sired their ancestors produced my father's fathers.
+
+Theirs had stayed in Boston, and had had time to teach their children
+grace and refinement and subtleties. Mine fought for their existence in
+a new country. And when men and women fight for existence life becomes
+very simple.
+
+
+I felt only my own misery that day. Now I realize that the meeting
+between Tom's mother and his wife was a mutual misery. I was crude. No
+doubt, to her, I seemed even common. With every one except Tom I seemed
+awkward and stupid. Poor mother-in-law!
+
+When she rose to go, I saw her to her carriage. She was extremely
+insistent that I should not. But this was Tom's mother, and I was
+determined to leave no friendly act undone. At home it would have been
+an offense not to see the company to their wagon. Even in Madison we
+would have escorted a caller to his carriage.
+
+Again it was the coachman who with one chill look warned me that I had
+sinned.
+
+Before Tom came home that afternoon he called on his mother, so no
+explanations from me were necessary. He knew it all, and doubtless much
+more than had escaped me. Like the princely gentleman he always was,
+the poor boy tried to soften that after-noon's blows by saying social
+customs were stupid and artificial and I knew all the important things
+in life. The other few little things and habits of his world he could
+easily tell me.
+
+Few--and little! There were thousands, and they loomed bigger each day.
+Moreover, Tom did not tell me. Either, manlike, he forgot, or he was
+afraid of hurting my feelings.
+
+One of the few things Tom did tell me I was forever forgetting. Napkins
+belonged to Sundays at home, and they were not washed often. It was a
+long-standing habit, to save back-breaking work for mother, to fold my
+napkin neatly after meals. Unlearning that and acquiring the custom of
+mussing up one's napkin and leaving it carelessly on the table was the
+meanest work of my life.
+
+Interesting guests came to Tom's house, and I would grow absorbed in
+their talk. Not until we were leaving the table would I realize that my
+napkin lay neatly folded and squared in the midst of casually rumpled
+heaps.
+
+One night, years later, I sat between Jim Hill and Senator Bailey of
+Texas at a dinner. Both men folded their napkins. I loved them for it.
+
+
+During that first year Tom made up a little theater party for a
+classmate who had just married a Philadelphia girl. With memories of
+Ben Franklin, William Penn, Liberty Bell, and all the grand old
+characters of the City of brotherly Love, I looked forward eagerly to
+making a new friend.
+
+The Philadelphian was even more languid than Tom's mother. She chopped
+her words and there were no r's in her English. I tried to break the
+ice by talking of the traditions of her city. She was bored. She knew
+only Philadelphia's social register. Just to play tit for tat, twice
+during the evening I quoted from "Julius Caesar"--and scored!
+
+We had just settled down in old Martin's Restaurant for after-theater
+supper when two tall gentlemen entered the room.
+
+"There's Tom Platt and Chauncey Depew," remarked Tom's friend casually.
+
+United States senators are important people in Wisconsin--at least, they
+were when I was young. If a senator visited our community, everybody
+turned out. I knew much of both these men, and Tom had often spoken
+warmly of Depew. As they approached our table, Tom and his friend both
+stood up. Thrilled, I rose hastily. My eyes were too busy to see Tom's
+face, and I did not realize until afterward that the only other woman
+had remained coolly seated.
+
+On our way home, Tom told me, in his gentle way, never to rise from a
+dining table to acknowledge an introduction even to a woman--or a
+senator. That night a tormenting devil with the face of the other woman
+kept me awake. For the first time since my marriage I felt homesick for
+the prairies.
+
+
+And then we were invited to visit Tom's Aunt Elizabeth in Boston and
+meet the whole family. I was sick with dread. I begged Tom to tell me
+some of the things I should and should not do.
+
+"Be your own sweet self and they 'll love you," he promised, kissing me.
+He meant it, dear soul; but I knew better.
+
+From the very first minute, Tom's Aunt Elizabeth made me conscious of
+her disapproval. In after years I won the old lady's affection and real
+respect, but I never spent a completely happy hour in her presence.
+
+The night we arrived she gave me a formal dinner. Some dozen additional
+guests dropped in later, and I was bewildered by new faces and strange
+names. Later in the evening I noticed a distinguished-looking
+middle-aged gentleman standing alone just outside the drawing-room door.
+Hurrying out, I invited him to come in. He inquired courteously if
+there was anything he could do for me.
+
+"Yes, indeed," I assured him. "Come in and talk to me." He looked shy
+and surprised. I insisted. Then Tom's aunt called me and, drawing me
+hastily into a corner, demanded why I was inviting a servant into her
+drawing-room.
+
+"Servant! He looks like a senator," I protested. "He's dressed exactly
+like every other man at the party and he looks twice as important as
+most of them."
+
+"Didn't you notice he addressed you as 'Madam'?" pursued Aunt Elizabeth.
+
+"But it 's perfectly proper to call a married woman 'Madam.'
+Foreigners always do," I defended.
+
+"Can't you tell a servant when you see one?" inquired the old lady
+icily.
+
+I begged to know how one could. All Boston was summed up in her answer:
+"You are supposed to know the other people."
+
+Tom's wife could have drowned in a thimble.
+
+
+The third day of our visit, we were at the dinner table, when I saw Aunt
+Elizabeth's face change--for the worse. Her head went up higher and her
+upper lip drew longer. Finally she turned to me.
+
+"Why do you cut your meat like a dog's dinner?" she snapped.
+
+Tom's protesting exclamation did not stop her.
+
+I laid my knife and fork on my plate and folded my hands in my lap to
+hide their trembling.
+
+Time may dim many hurts, but with the last flicker of intelligence I
+shall remember that scene. Even then, in a flash, I saw the symbolism
+of it.
+
+On one side--rare mahogany, shining silver, deft servants, napkins to
+rumple, leisure for the niceties of life. On the other hand--a log
+cabin, my tired mother with new babies always coming, father slaving to
+homestead a claim and push civilization a little farther over our
+American continent.
+
+A great tenderness for my parents filled my heart and overflowed in my
+eyes. I have, I confess, had moments of bitterness toward them. But
+that was not one of them.
+
+"I think I can tell you," I answered, as quietly as I could. "It 's
+very simple. I was the first baby, and mother cut up my food for me.
+After a while she cut up food for two babies. By the time the third
+came, I had to do my own cutting. Naturally, I did it just as mother
+had. Then I began to help cut up food for the other babies. It 's a
+baby habit. And I must now learn to cut one bite at a time like a
+civilized grown person."
+
+Even Aunt Elizabeth was silenced. But Tom rose from the table,
+swearing. My father would not have permitted a cowpuncher to use such
+language before my mother. But I loved Tom for it.
+
+However, I did not sleep that night. Next morning Tom's Aunt Elizabeth
+apologized, and for Back Bay was really unbending.
+
+Some days later we returned to New York, and I thought my troubles were
+over for a time. But the first night Tom came home full of excitement.
+He had been appointed to the diplomatic corps, and we were to sail for
+England within a month!
+
+The news struck chill terror to my heart. With so much still to learn
+in my native America, what on earth should I do in English society?
+
+
+
+
+II.
+
+More than two months passed after the night my husband announced his
+foreign appointment before we sailed for England.
+
+I planned to study and to have long talks with him about the customs of
+fashionable and diplomatic Europe, but alas! I reckoned without the
+friends and pretended friends who claim the time of a man of Tom's
+importance. Besides, he and I had so many other things to discuss.
+
+So the sailing time approached, and then he announced that we were to be
+presented at court! I was thrilled half with fear and half with joy.
+
+I remembered from my reading of history that some of England's kings had
+not spoken English and that French had been the court language. I
+visited a bookstore and purchased what was recommended as an easy road
+to French, and spent all morning learning to say, "l'orange est un
+fruit." I read the instructions for placing the tongue and puckering
+the lips and repeated les and las until I was dizzy. Then I looked
+through our bookcases for a life of Benjamin Franklin. I knew he had
+gone to court and "played with queens."
+
+But the great statesman-author-orator gave me no guide to correct form
+or English social customs. Instead I grew so interested in the history
+of his work in England and France and in his inspiring achievement in
+obtaining recognition and credit for the United States that dinner time
+arrived before I realized I had not discovered what language was spoken
+at court, nor what one talked about, nor if one talked at all.
+
+Tom roared when I made my confession. With his boyish good humor he
+promised to answer all my questions on board ship.
+
+So, without a care in those delicious days that followed, I wandered
+down Sixth Avenue to New York's then most correct shops, buying clothes
+and clothes and clothes. I bought practical and impractical gifts for
+the twins back in Wisconsin and for all the family and those good
+friends who had helped me through Madison.
+
+The week before we sailed my husband said, out of a clear sky: "Be sure
+you have the right clothes, Mary. The English are a conservative lot."
+Suddenly I was conscious again that I did not know the essential things
+the wife of a diplomat ought to know--what to wear and when, a million
+and one tremendous social trifles.
+
+The moment our magnificent liner left the dock I heaved a sigh of
+relief. Tom would be mine for two whole weeks, and all the questions I
+had saved up would be answered. That evening he announced: "We don't
+dress for dinner the first night out."
+
+"Dress for dinner?" I asked. "What do you mean?"
+
+And then very gently he gave me my first lesson. I had never seen
+anything bigger than a ferry-boat. How could I guess that even on an
+ocean liner we did not leave formality behind? The "party dresses",
+so carefully selected, the long, rich velvet cape I had thought
+outrageously extravagant, and the satin slippers and the suede--I had
+packed them all carefully in the trunk and sent them to the hold of the
+ship. But, with the aid of a little cash, the steward finally produced
+my treasure trunk, and thereafter I dressed for dinner.
+
+The two weeks I had expected my husband to give me held no quiet hours.
+There is no such thing, except when one is seasick, as being alone
+aboard a ship. Tom was popular, good at cards and deck games, always
+ready to play. And the fourth day out I was too ill to worry about the
+customs at the Court of St. James.
+
+It was not until just before we reached England that I began to feel
+myself again. I stood on deck, thrilled with the tall ships and the
+steamers, the fishing smacks and the smaller craft in Southampton
+harbor.
+
+"What will be the first thing you do in London?" somebody asked me.
+
+"Go to Mayfair to find the home of Becky Sharp," I answered. Becky
+Sharp was as much a part of English history to me as Henry VIII or Anne
+Boleyn or William the Conqueror. When my husband and I were alone he
+said: "I think they have picked out No. 21 Curzon Street as the house
+where Becky Sharp is supposed to have lived. But what a funny thing for
+you to want to see first!"
+
+I remembered what old Lord Steyne had said to Becky: "You poor little
+earthen pipkin. You want to swim down the stream with great copper
+kettles. All women are alike. Everybody is striving for what is not
+worth the having."
+
+I was quite sure I did not want to drift down the stream with copper
+kettles. I only wanted to be with Tom, to see England with him, to
+enjoy Dr. Johnson's haunts, to go to the "Cheddar Cheese" and the
+Strand, to Waterloo Bridge, and down the road the Romans built before
+England was England.
+
+I wanted to see the world without the world seeing me. In my heart was
+no desire to be a copper kettle. But I had been cast into the stream,
+and down it I must go, like a little fungus holding to the biggest
+copper kettle I knew.
+
+I told my husband this. It was the first time he had been really
+irritated with me. "Why do you worry about these things?" he protested.
+"You have a good head and a good education. You are the loveliest woman
+in England. Be your own natural self and the English will love you."
+But I remembered another occasion when he had told me to be my own
+natural sweet self.
+
+"How about what happened to Becky?" I asked.
+
+Tom went into a rage. "Why do you insist on comparing yourself with
+that little -----!" The word he used was an ugly one. I did not speak
+to him again until after we had passed the government inspectors.
+
+
+I shall never forget my first day in London, the old, quiet city where
+everybody seemed so comfortable and easy-going. There was no show, no
+pretense. The people in the shops and on the street bore the earmarks
+of thrift. I understood where New England got its spirit.
+
+The first morning at the Alexandra Hotel, Tom fell naturally into the
+European habit of having coffee and fruit and a roll brought to his bed.
+I wanted to go down to the dining room. My husband said it was not done
+and I would be lonesome. The days of ranch life had taught me to get up
+with the chickens. But it was not done in London. The second morning
+the early sun was too much for me. I dressed, left the hotel, and
+walked for several hours before a perfect servant brought shining plates
+and marmalade, fruit and coffee to my big husky football player's
+bedside. I have lived many years in Europe, but I have never grown used
+to having breakfast brought to my room.
+
+That second rainy morning Tom left me alone with the promise of being
+back for luncheon. I picked up a London morning paper and glanced at
+the personal column. I have read it every day since when I could get
+hold of the London Times. All of human nature and the ups and downs of
+man are there, from secondhand lace to the mortgaged jewels of
+broken-down nobility, from sporting games and tickets for sale to
+relatives wanted, and those mysterious, suggestive, unsigned messages
+from home or to home. I read the news of the war. We in America did
+not know there was a war. But Greece and Crete were at each other's
+throats, and Turkey was standing waiting to crowd the little ancient
+nation into Armenia or off the map. There was the Indian famine--We did
+not talk about it at home, but it had first place in the London paper.
+And the Queen's birthday,--it was to be celebrated by feeding the poor
+of East London and paying the debts of the hospitals. There was
+something so humane, so kindly, so civilized about it all! "I love
+England," I said, and that first impression balanced the scale many a
+time later when I did not love her.
+
+
+The third or fourth day brought an invitation to dine at a famous house
+on Grosvenor Square--with a duke!
+
+I pestered my husband with questions. What should I wear? What should
+I talk about? He just laughed.
+
+The paper had reported a "levee ordered by the queen", describing the
+gowns and jewels worn by the ladies.
+
+I had little jewelry--a diamond ring, which Tom gave me before we were
+married, a bracelet, two brooches, and a string of gold beads, which
+were fashionable in America. I put them all on with my best bib and
+tucker. When we were dressed, Tom gave me one look and said, "Why do
+you wear all that junk?" I took off one of the brooches and the string
+of gold beads.
+
+When our carriage drew up to the house on Grosvenor Square, liveried
+servants stood at each side of the door, liveried servants guided us
+inside. There was a gold carpet, paintings of ladies and gentlemen in
+gorgeous attire, and murals and tapestries in the marble halls. But I
+quickly forgot all of this grandeur listening to the names of guests
+being called off as they entered the drawing-room: Mr. Gladstone and
+Mrs. Gladstone, Lord Rosebery and the Marquis of Salisbury, Mrs. Humphry
+Ward, looking fatter and older than I had expected, officers, colonels,
+viscounts, and ladies, and then Tom and Mary--but they were not called
+off that way. I wanted to meet Mr. Gladstone, and hoped I might even be
+near him at dinner; but I sat between a colonel and a young captain of
+the Scots Greys.
+
+
+Mr. Gladstone was on the other side of the table. It was a huge table,
+more than five feet wide and very long. My husband was somewhere out of
+sight at the other end. Mr. Gladstone mentioned the fund being raised
+for the victims of the Paris Opera Comique fire. It is good form to be
+silent in the presence of death, especially when death is colossal, and
+the English never fail to follow good form. There was a sudden lull at
+our end of the table.
+
+It was I who broke that silence. I was touched by the generosity of
+England, and said so. Since my arrival I had daily noted that England
+was giving to India, sending relief to Greece and Armenia, raising a
+fund for the fire sufferers, and celebrating the Queen's Jubilee by
+feeding the poor. I addressed my look and my admiring words to Mr.
+Gladstone.
+
+Either my sincerity or the embarrassment he knew would follow my
+disregard of "the thing that is done" moved Mr. Gladstone's sympathy.
+He smiled across the table at me and answered, "I am so glad you see
+these good points of England." It was about the most gracious thing
+that was ever done to me in my life. In England it is bad form to speak
+across the table. One speaks to one's neighbor on the right or to one's
+neighbor on the left; but the line across the table is foreign soil and
+must not be shouted across.
+
+That night my husband said: "I forgot to tell you. They never talk
+across the table in England." I chided him, and with some cause. I had
+soon discovered that in England, as in America, it was not enough to be
+"my own natural self." But I came to love Mr. Gladstone. Long after
+that I told him the story of Mrs. Grant, who, when an awkward young man
+had broken one of her priceless Sevres after-dinner coffee cups, dropped
+hers on the floor to meet him on the same level. "Any woman who, to put
+any one at ease, will break a priceless Sevres cup is heroic," I said.
+His answer, though flippant, was pleasant: "Any man who would not smile
+across the table at a lovely woman is a fool."
+
+Mr. Gladstone always wore a flower in his button-hole, a big, loose
+collar that never fitted, a floppy black necktie, and trousers that
+needed a valet's attention. He was the greatest combination of
+propriety and utter disregard of conventions I had ever seen.
+
+The event next in importance to a presentation at court was a tea at
+which the tea planter Sir Thomas Lipton was one of the guests. He was
+not Sir Thomas then, but was very much in the limelight, having
+contributed twenty-five thousand pounds to the fund collected by the
+Princess of Wales to feed the poor of London in commemoration of Queen
+Victoria's Diamond Jubilee.
+
+The Earl of Lathom, then the Lord Chamberlain, who looked like Santa
+Claus and smiled like Andrew Carnegie, was among the guests; so were Mr.
+and Mrs. Gladstone. Since the night he had talked to me across the
+table I always felt that Mr. Gladstone was my best friend in England.
+He had a sense of humor, so I said: "Is there anything pointed in asking
+the tea king to a tea?" That amused Gladstone. He could not forgive
+Lipton parting his hair in the middle.
+
+That night I repeated my joke to Tom. Instead of smiling, he said:
+"That's not the way to get on in England. It 's too Becky Sharpish."
+
+
+And then came the day of the queen's salon. Victoria did not often have
+audiences, the Prince of Wales or some other member of the royal family
+usually holding levees and receiving presentations in her name.
+
+Tom had warned me that there were certain clothes to be worn at a
+presentation. I asked one of my American friends at the embassy, who
+directed me to a hairdresser--the most important thing, it seemed, being
+one's head. She told me also to wear full evening dress, with long
+white gloves, and to remove the glove of the right hand.
+
+The hairdresser asked about my jewels. Remembering what Tom had said
+about "junk", I said I would wear no jewels. She was horrified, I would
+have to wear some, she insisted, if only a necklace of pearls. She
+tactfully suggested that if my jewels had not arrived I could rent them
+from Mr. Somebody on the Strand. It was frequently done, she said, by
+foreigners.
+
+My friend at the embassy was politely surprised that Tom's wife would
+think of renting real or imitation jewels. In the end I insisted upon
+going without jewels. I had the required plumes in my hair, and the
+veil that was correct form at court, and my lovely evening gown and
+pearl-embroidered slippers, which were to me like Cinderella's at the
+ball.
+
+Before I left the hotel I asked Tom to look at me critically. I was
+still young--very young, very much in love, and unacquainted with the
+ways of the world, and so heaven came down into my heart when Tom took
+me into his arms and, kissing me, said: "There was never such a lovely
+queen."
+
+It was about three o'clock when we reached the Pimlico entrance.
+Guards were on duty, and men who looked like princes or very important
+personages in costume, white stockings, black pumps, buckles, breeches,
+and gay coats, stood at the door. Inside the hall a gold carpet
+stretched to the marble stairs. It was a wonderful place, and I wanted
+to stop and look. I was conscious of being a "rubber-neck." I might
+never see another palace again.
+
+We were guided up wonderful stairs and led into a sumptuous room, where,
+with the other guests, we waited for the arrival of the queen and the
+royal family. No one does anything or says anything at a salon. A
+"drawing-room" is a sacred rite in England. It is recorded on the first
+page of the news, taking precedence over wars, decisions of supreme
+courts, famines, and international controversies. Her Majesty receives.
+To the Englishman, to be presented at court is to be set up in England
+as class, to be worshiped by those who have not been in the presence of
+the queen, and to pay a little more to the butcher and milliner.
+
+I should have loved that "drawing-room" if I could have avoided the
+presentation. It was an impressive picture--the queen with a face like
+a royal coin, a fine, generous forehead and beautiful nose, her
+intelligent and kindly eyes, her ample figure, her dignity come from
+long, long years of rule. Back of her the Prince of Wales and the Prime
+Minister, who in later years I found myself always comparing to little
+Mr. Carnegie, the Viscount Curzon with his royal look, and in the
+foreground Sir S. Ponsonby-Fane, in white silk stockings, pumps and
+buckles, with sword and gold lace, and high-collared swallow-tailed
+coat. I admired the queen's black moire dress, her headdress of
+priceless lace, her diamonds, her high-necked dress held together with
+more diamonds, and her black gloves, in striking contrast to our own. I
+was enjoying the picture.
+
+Then my name was called.
+
+
+I had been thinking such kindly things of England--Mr. Balfour fighting
+for general education; Mr. Gladstone struggling to make England push
+Turkey back and save Greece; all England raising money for the fire
+sufferers of Paris and the Indian famine. What a humanitarian race they
+were! I felt as pro-England as any of the satellites in that room, and
+almost as much awed. But back of it all was a natural United States
+be-natural-as-you-were-born impulse. Neither Back Bay Boston nor Tom's
+Philadelphia friends had been able to repress it. When my name was
+called and I stepped up, I made the little bow I had practised for hours
+the day before and that morning; and then, as I looked into the eyes of
+the queen, I held out my hand! It was the instinctive action of a
+free-born American.
+
+I have realized in the years since what a real queen she was. Smiling,
+she extended her hand--but not to be touched. It was a little wave, a
+little imitation of my own impulsive outstretching to a friend; then her
+eyes went to the next person, and I was on my way, having been presented
+at court and done what "is not done" in England.
+
+Tom's mission in England was important. He had friends, and there were
+distinguished people in England who regarded him and his family of
+sufficient value to "take us aboard." They were most gracious and
+kindly. But Tom's eyes were not smiling.
+
+
+That night my husband said some very frank things to me. His position,
+and even the credit of our country to some extent, depended upon our
+conduct. He did not say he was ashamed of me, and in my heart I do not
+think he was; but he regretted that I had not been trained in the little
+things upon which England put so much weight. He suggested my employing
+a social secretary.
+
+"What I need, Tom," I said, "is a teacher. You have told me these
+customs are not important. They are important. I need some one to
+teach them to me, and I propose to get a teacher."
+
+In the personal columns of the Times I had read this advertisement:
+
+ 'A lady of aristocratic birth and social training
+ desires to be of service to a good-paying guest.'
+
+I swallowed my pride and answered it. I was not her paying guest, but I
+employed this Scotch lady of aristocratic birth and social experience.
+
+On the first day at luncheon, which we ate privately in my apartment,
+she said: "In England a knife is held as you hold a pen, the handle
+coming up above the thumb and between the thumb and first finger." My
+sense of humor permitted me to ask, after trying it once, "What do you
+do when the meat is tough?" The Scotch aristocrat never smiled. "It is
+n't," she answered.
+
+I was humiliated and a little soul-sick before that luncheon ended.
+I had been told to break each bite of my bread; a lady never bites a
+piece of bread. I had been told to use a knife to separate my fish,
+when I had learned, oh, so carefully, in America to eat fish with a fork
+and a piece of bread. I might have laughed about it all had not so much
+been at stake, even Tom's respect.
+
+
+
+
+III.
+
+The Scotch lady of aristocratic birth and social experience lived with
+me one terrible week. On the seventh day I came home from shopping with
+presents for the twins back in Wisconsin. A day or so earlier, while my
+mentor was out of the room, I had asked the chef waiter of our floor
+about himself and his family, and found that his family too included
+twins. So with the present for my family I also brought some for his.
+
+Mr. MacLeod, the member of Parliament from Scotland, and Lord Lansdowne
+happened to be calling when I arrived, and Tom and the Scotch lady were
+there. The chef waiter was taking the coats of the gentlemen callers.
+I received the guests, acknowledged the introductions, and then, as I
+removed my own coat, I handed him the little package.
+
+When we were alone the Scotch lady turned to me. "In England," she
+said, "ladies never converse with their servants, particularly in the
+presence of guests."
+
+Then she sealed her doom. "Ladies never make gifts to their servants,"
+she added. "Their secretaries, housekeepers, or companions disburse
+their bounty."
+
+I remembered the old U. S. A. An American chef waiter might hope to be
+the father of a President. On the ranch I had cooked for men of less
+education and much worse manners than this domestic who brought my
+athletic husband's breakfast to his bedside and who happened to be the
+proud father of twins.
+
+I would learn table manners from an English lady of aristocratic birth
+and social experience; but when it came to the human act of a little
+gift to a faithful servant, I declared my American independence.
+
+I was homesick for Wisconsin, homesick for real and simple people.
+I wanted to go home! That night Tom and I had our first real quarrel,
+and it was over my dismissal of the Scotch lady of aristocratic birth.
+Life became intolerable for a while. I dragged through days of bitter
+homesickness. Nothing seemed real. No one seemed sincere. Life was a
+stage. Everybody seemed to be acting a part and speaking their pieces
+with guttural voices. Even my husband's voice sounded different--or
+else I realized for the first time that Boston apes London English. Tom
+had learned his mother tongue in Boston, and now suddenly he seemed like
+a foreigner to me simply because he spoke like these other foreigners.
+The sun went out of my heaven. I was dumb with loneliness and sick with
+the fear of lost faith. Could it be that my husband was affecting these
+English mannerisms? Certainly he seemed at home in England, while I
+seemed to be adrift, alone in an arctic ocean.
+
+I had no friend in England, and more and more my husband's special work
+was engrossing him. When we were together I felt tongue-tied. He had
+tried to be gentle with me; but I was strange in this world of his, and
+lonely and sensitive. I had dreamed so much of this world, and now that
+I was in it, it was false and petty. I longed for the United States,
+for my Northwest, for my hills and wide, far plains. I wanted to meet
+somebody from Madison who smiled like a friend.
+
+One day Tom looked at me searchingly, and said I must be ill.
+
+I confessed to a little homesickness. Tom became very attentive.
+He took me sightseeing. We lunched at the quaint inn where Dickens
+found his inspiration for "Pickwick Papers" and where the literary
+lights of London foregathered and still foregather for luncheon. We sat
+in one of the cozy little stalls--just Tom and I.
+
+Suddenly it swept over me that life had gone all wrong. Here was a
+dream come true, and no joy in my heart. Tom asked me for my thoughts.
+I told him, quite frankly, I was thinking of home. I was thinking of
+mother in her cotton house dress with her knitted shawl around her
+shoulders, of father in his jeans and high boots tramping over the range
+with the men; I saw the cow and the pigs and the chickens, the smelly
+corral and the water hole, the twins trying to rub each other's face in
+the mud. And I was thinking--Tom would n't fit into my world, and I
+could not belong to his. That was the second time I heard Tom swear.
+He wanted to know what kind of a snob I thought he was. He'd be as much
+at home with dad on the ranch as he was in London. "The fault is with
+you," he said. "You 're not adaptable, and you don't try to be."
+
+Tom did n't understand. He never did. In all the years together, which
+he made so rich and happy, Tom never understood how hard and bitter a
+school was that first year of my married life. But Tom did try to give
+me a good time in London. He took me to interesting places and we were
+entertained by a number of people, mostly ponderous and stupid. Tom did
+not suggest that we entertain in our turn. I think he felt I was not
+ready for it, although even in after years, when we talked frankly about
+many things, he would never admit this.
+
+I shall never forget my first week-end party in England. I was not
+well, and Tom, manlike, felt sure the change, a trip down to Essex and
+new people, would do me good. The thought of the country and a visit
+with some good simple country folk appealed to me too, so I packed the
+bags and met Tom at Victoria Station at eleven o'clock. Alas! It is a
+far cry from a Montana ranch to a gentleman's estate in England! My
+vision of a quiet visit "down on a farm" vanished the minute we stepped
+off the train. Liveried coachmen collected our baggage. They seemed to
+be discussing something; then I heard Tom say: "I guess that 's all.
+I 'll wire back for the rest of it."
+
+
+We were led to a handsome cart drawn by a fine tandem team, and Tom and
+I were alone for a minute.
+
+"My God, Mary!" he burst out, "didn't you bring any clothes for us?"
+
+"I certainly have," I retorted, sure I was in the right this time.
+"Your nightshirt and my nightgown; your toilet articles and mine; a
+change of underclothes; a clean shirt and two collars for you, and my
+new striped silk waist."
+
+I shall never forget Tom's expression.
+
+"Do you know where we are going?" he groaned. "To one of the grandest
+houses in England! Oh, Lord! I ought to have told you. You 'll need
+all the clothes you have down here. And--and a valet and maid will
+unpack the bags--oh, hell!" After more of the same kind of talk, he
+began to cook up some yarn to tell the valet.
+
+Suddenly all that is free-born in me rose to the surface. "Is it the
+thing for gentlemen to be afraid of the valet?" I asked my husband.
+"Does a servant regulate your life and set your standards?"
+
+Tom was quiet for several moments; then he took my hand and said very
+earnestly: "Mary, don't you ever lose your respect for the real things.
+It will save both of us." After a while he added: "Just the same, I 'll
+have to lie out of this baggage hole."
+
+He did, in a very casual, laughing way--such a positive set of lies that
+I marveled and began to wonder how much of Tom was acting and how much
+was real.
+
+Tom went back to London on the next train, and reached the "farm" with
+our baggage before it was time to dress for the eight-o'clock dinner.
+
+The dinner was long and stupid. After dinner the women went into the
+drawing-room and gossiped about politics and personalities until the men
+joined them, when they sat down to cards. I did not know how to play
+cards, and so was left with a garrulous old woman who had eaten and
+drunk over-much.
+
+
+It had been a long day for me. I was ill and tired. Suddenly sleep
+began to overpower me. I batted my eyes to keep them open. I tried
+looking at the crystal lights, but my leaden eyes could not face them.
+The constant drone of that old woman was putting me to sleep. I tried
+to say a few words now and then to wake myself. I felt myself slipping.
+Once my head dropped and came up with a jerk. I watched the great
+French clock. Its hands did not seem to move. I looked at Tom. He was
+absorbed in his game. I could not endure it another minute. I went
+over and said good night to my hostess who had spoken to me only once
+since my arrival.
+
+Drowsy as I was, I noticed she seemed surprised. "Oh, no," I told her;
+"I am not ill, only very sleepy."
+
+How good my pillow felt!
+
+The next morning Tom was cross. I had made a /faux pas/. I had shown I
+was bored and peeved and had gone to bed before the hostess indicated it
+was bedtime. It "was n't done" in England.
+
+"What do you do if you can't keep awake?" I asked. "You slip out
+quietly, go to your room ask a maid to call you after you have had forty
+winks, then you go back and pretend you are having a good time," said
+Tom.
+
+There were some bitter hours after we got back to London. But Tom won,
+and I promised to get a companion. Then there came into my life the
+most wonderful of friends. She was the widow of a British Army officer
+who had been killed in India, and her only child was dead. She was a
+woman of education and heart; she understood my needs, all of them, and
+I interested her. She had seen great suffering; she had a deep feeling
+for humanity and an honest desire to be of use in the world. In the
+English register my companion was listed as the Honorable Evelyn, but we
+quickly got down to Mary and Eve. We loved each other. Eve went to
+France with us a few months later. She made me talk French with her.
+My first formal dinner in France was a pleasant surprise. It was like a
+great family party--not dull and quiet like the English dinner, and ever
+so much more fun. Everybody participated. If there was one lion at the
+table, everybody shared him.
+
+
+There is something in being born on a silken couch. Nothing surprises
+you. You are at ease anywhere in the world. Eve fitted into Paris as
+naturally as in her native London, I began to feel at home there myself.
+It was a city of happy people--care free, natural, sympathetic. There
+was a lack of restraint which, after the oppressive dignity of London,
+was a rare treat. No one was critical. Every one accepted my halting
+and faulty French without ridicule or condescension. The amiability and
+the friendliness of the French people thawed my heart and began to lift
+me out of my slough of homesickness. Happiness came back to me.
+
+There had been hours in England when only the knowledge that a woman's
+rarest gift was coming to me, and that Tom was proud and happy about it,
+kept me from running away--back to the simple life of my own United
+States.
+
+I was homesick for mother. Babies were a mystery to me, although I had
+helped mother with all of hers. We had buried three of them in homemade
+coffins--pioneering is a ruthless scythe, and only the fit survive. I
+began to understand my mother and the glory in the character which never
+faltered, although she was alone and life had been hard. How could I
+whine when I had Tom and a good friend--and life was like a playground?
+
+I loved the French. They regard life with a frankness which sometimes
+shocked my reserved Boston husband. He never accepted intimacy. The
+restraint of old England was still in his blood. The free winds of the
+prairie had swept it from mine.
+
+My new friends in Paris discovered my happy secret. It was my
+all-absorbing thought, and I was delighted to be able to discuss it
+frankly. Motherhood is the great and natural event in the life of a
+woman in France, and no one makes a secret of it. I was very happy in
+Paris. And then--Tom had to go to Vienna.
+
+Not even Tom, Eve, and the promised baby could make me happy there. In
+all the world I had seen no place where the line of class distinction
+was so closely drawn, where social customs were so rigid and court forms
+so sacred, as at the Austrian capital. Learning the social customs of
+Vienna seemed as endless as counting the pebbles on the beach--and about
+as useful. The clock regulated our habits in Vienna. Up to eleven
+o'clock certain attire was proper. If your watch stopped you were sure
+to break a social law. I once saw a distinguished diplomat in distress
+because he found himself at an official function at eleven-thirty with a
+black tie--or without one, I have forgotten which!
+
+At first it offended me to receive an invitation--or a command--to
+appear at a formal function, with an accompanying slip telling exactly
+what to wear. Then I laughed about it.
+
+Finally I rebelled. On the plea of ill health, I made Tom do the social
+honors for me, while Eve and I did the museums and the galleries and the
+music fetes. Years later I went back to Vienna, and I did not discredit
+my country. But I never loved the city. I enjoyed its art, its
+fascinating shops, its picturesque streets and people, and its beautiful
+women. But for me Vienna has the faults of France and England, the
+poverty and arrogance of London, and the frivolity of Paris, without
+their redeeming qualities.
+
+
+So I was glad to return to England. The second day in London, Tom took
+me to an exhibition important in the art world, or at least in the
+official life of London. Everybody who was somebody was there. I saw
+the Princess of Wales and the Marquis of Salisbury, who was then
+Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs. I saw Mr. Balfour, so handsome
+and gracious that I refused to believe there had ever been cause to call
+him "Bloody Balfour." There was something kingly about him--yet he was
+simply Mr. Balfour. Years afterward I realized that to know Mr. Balfour
+is either to worship him or hate him. No one takes the middle course.
+I had begun to have a beautiful time that afternoon.
+
+I felt happy, acutely conscious of my blessings and of one coming
+blessing in particular. Mr. Gladstone joined us, and Sir Henry Irving
+came over to speak to Eve. She told him I had just said that England
+had a mold for handsome men. Irving was interesting and striking,
+though certainly not handsome; but he took the compliment to himself,
+smiled, bowed his thanks, and said:
+
+"And America for beautiful women."
+
+Mr. Gladstone, too, could indulge in small talk. "You should have seen
+her rosy cheeks before she went to the Continent," he said, and added
+kindly that I looked very tired and should go down to Hawarden Castle
+and rest.
+
+"Oh," I explained happily, "it is n't that--I 'm not tired. It is such
+a happy reason!" I felt Eve gasp. Mr. Gladstone opened his kind eyes
+very wide, and his heavy chin settled down in his collar. It was the
+last bad break I made. But it was a blessing to me, for it robbed all
+social form of terror. For the first time, I realized that custom is
+merely a matter of geography. One takes off one's shoes to enter the
+presence of the ruler of Persia. One wears a black tie until eleven
+o'clock in Vienna--or does n't. One uses fish knives in England until
+he dines with royalty--then one must manage with a fork and a piece of
+bread. One dresses for dinner always, and waits for the hostess to say
+it is time, and speaks only to one's neighbor at table. In France one
+guest speaks to any or all of the others; all one's friends extend
+congratulations if a baby is coming; one shares all his joys with
+friends. But in England nobody must know, and everybody must be
+surprised. No one ever speaks of himself in England. They are
+sensitive about everything personal. But there is an underground and
+very perfect system by which everything about everybody is known and
+noised about and discussed with everybody except the person in question.
+It is a mysterious and elaborate hypocrisy.
+
+
+With the aid of Eve, I made a thorough study of the geography of social
+customs. I learned the ways of Europe, of the Orient, and of South
+America. It is easier to understand races if one understands the
+psychology of their customs. I realized that social amenities are too
+often neglected in America, and our manners sometimes truthfully called
+crude. But I told myself with pride that our truly cultivated people
+will not tolerate a social form that is not based on human, kindly
+instincts. It was not until the World War flooded Europe with American
+boys and girls that I realized the glory of our social standards and the
+great need to have our own people understand those standards.
+
+
+
+
+IV.
+
+Fear is the destroyer of peace. I knew no peace until I learned not to
+be afraid of conventions. The three most wretched years in my life
+might easily have been avoided by a little training at home or at
+school.
+
+I realize now the unhappiness of those first years of my married life.
+I was awkward and ill at ease in a world that valued social poise above
+knowledge. From my childhood I had loved honest, sincere people. After
+my marriage I met distinguished men and women, even a few who might be
+called great; but they, too, had their affectations and petty vanities.
+Being young, I judged them harshly because they set what I considered
+too much store upon absurd conventions.
+
+In the course of my travels since, I have come to realize that social
+customs are a simple matter of geography! What is proper in England is
+bad form in France, and many customs that were correct in Vienna would
+be intolerable in Spain. In the formal circles of Vienna no one spoke
+to anybody without an introduction. In Spain there was a more subtle
+and truly aristocratic standard. The assumption was that anybody one
+met in the home of one's host was desirable, and it was courtesy,
+therefore, to begin a conversation with any guest. This is the attitude
+also in parts of France.
+
+But in those first months I had not acquired my philosophy. I lived
+through homesick days, and some that were hard and bitter. I stayed
+with Tom that first year only because I was too bewildered to take any
+initiative, and because I kept hoping that things would right themselves
+and I would wake out of my nightmare. My baby came in the second year,
+and then I could not go home. The simple life of my own people slipped
+very, very far away. We made a hurried trip back to the United States
+that summer, but Tom would not consent to my going West. His own family
+wanted to see our baby, and they decided that the little fellow had
+traveled enough and should not be subjected to the hardships of a
+cross-country train trip. So Tom sent for mother and the twins to come
+to us, and they arrived at the Waldorf Hotel, where we were staying.
+Dear, simple mother, in her terrible clothes, and the twins, got up with
+more thought for economy than for beauty! I shopped extravagantly with
+them. The youngsters wanted to see everything in New York; but mother,
+despite all of those hard, lonely years in our rough country and the
+many interesting things for her to do and see in New York--mother wanted
+nothing better than to stay with the baby.
+
+
+With all the children she had brought into this world one might think
+she had seen enough of babies. But she adored my little son. How near
+she seemed to me then! How hungry I had been for her, without realizing
+it! I felt that she loved my baby boy as she had never loved me or any
+of her own children. And I understood why mother never had had time to
+love her own babies. In the struggle for existence of those hard years
+she had never had a minute to indulge in the pure joy of having her
+baby. I sat watching her with her first grandchild, so sweet in his
+exquisite hand-sewn little clothes, and suddenly I found myself crying
+hysterically.
+
+Mother was very dear to me from that day. Later in this chronicle I
+want to give a chapter to my mother and what we both suffered during
+this period of her visit to New York, for it marked the climax of my own
+development. When mother and the children started off on their return
+trip to the West, Tom sent them flowers and candy and fruit. He had
+already generously put financial worry away from my family for all time,
+but I knew that he was a little ashamed of some of mother's crudities.
+I wondered why I did not feel ashamed. I was very, very glad I did not.
+It gave me something tangible to cling to--a sure consciousness of
+power, that comes of knowing one possesses the true pride to rise above
+the opinions of other people.
+
+I would have given my life, that day, to be able to assure my family
+that material security which they owed to my husband, who neither loved
+nor understood them. I looked down the years and saw myself crushed by
+a burden of indebtedness to a man I felt I no longer loved. Only
+mother's grateful, simple happiness eased my hurt. I had never
+approached my mother, but I knew now that if her natural dignity and
+great, kind heart had been given the advantages that the women in my
+husband's family took as a matter of course, she would have been
+superior to them all. Yet they barely tolerated mother--no more.
+
+I longed to go home to my own warm, hearty, open West. I stood on the
+ferry after they had gone, thinking that, if my family were not so
+deeply indebted to my husband, I would leave him. I suppose I did not
+really mean that thought, but it made me unhappy. I felt disloyal and
+dishonest. Finally I told Tom. There was a scene; but from that day he
+began to understand me, and things were better. A few days later we
+came home from a dinner party, and, after going to the baby's room for a
+minute, Tom asked me to stay and talk. But he did not talk. For a long
+time he sat smoking and thinking. I knew he had something on his mind,
+and I waited. Finally I realized that he was embarrassed.
+
+"Can I help? Is it something I have done that has embarrassed you?" I
+asked.
+
+
+That was many years ago, but I can never forget the look Tom gave me.
+It held all the love of our courtship and something besides that I had
+never seen in his face before.
+
+"For God's sake, never say that to me again!" he cried. "Embarrassed
+me! I am proud of you--you never can know how proud. I was sitting here
+trying to think how to tell you something my mother said about you, and
+just what it means."
+
+His mother! My heart dropped. His mother had never said anything about
+me, excepting criticism. I had been a bitter disappointment to her.
+Whatever she said would be politely cruel--at best, a damning with faint
+praise.
+
+"She said," my husband went on, "that she is very happy in our marriage,
+completely satisfied, and that she has come to be proud of you. I don't
+know how to tell you just what that means."
+
+I knew. I knew his mother could have given me no higher praise. I had
+learned what to her were the essentials; I had cultivated the manner she
+placed above price. But the realization brought self-distrust. Had I
+lost my honesty and sincerity?
+
+Tom went on to tell me that his mother had particularly admired my
+attitude toward my own mother, and the manner in which I met every
+little failing of hers. She felt I had a sense of true values in
+people, and that the simplicity and sureness with which I had met this
+situation was the essence of good breeding.
+
+I had not thought it possible that Tom's mother could understand my
+feeling for my mother and my honest pride in her real worth. Perhaps,
+I reflected, I had been unjust to my mother-in-law. I knew what a shock
+I had been to her in the early days of our marriage, and I knew only too
+well that even Tom had often regretted my ignorance of social usages.
+
+They are simple customs, and should be taught in every school in
+America, but I had not learned them. I was happy that night and for
+days afterward.
+
+Then we went back to Europe. Tom knew people on the steamer to whom I
+took a dislike. They were bold and even vulgar, and Tom admitted that
+he did not admire them. I made up my mind we should avoid them. The
+next afternoon I found Tom and that group walking the deck arm in arm,
+chatting affably. When we were alone, I asked Tom how he could do it.
+I know now that a man cannot hold an official position like Tom's and
+ignore politically important people. But he only said rather
+carelessly, and with a laugh, that it was one of the prices a man pays
+for public office.
+
+
+After that I noticed that my husband was known to nearly every one. He
+had a glad hand and a smile for the public--because it was the public.
+I watched to see if he had a slightly different smile for the people of
+Back Bay and his own particular social class; sometimes I thought he
+had, and it made me a little soul-sick.
+
+I longed for a home for my baby and a few friends I could love and
+really enjoy. I was not fitted to be the wife of a public man. It was
+the poverty and crudeness of my youth that had made me intolerant. One
+of the big lessons life has taught me is that people can be amiable,
+tolerant, and even friendly, and still be sincere. The pleasantry of
+social relations among the civilized peoples of the earth is a mere
+garment we wear for our own protection and to cover our feelings. It is
+the oil of the machinery of life. I have found that men and women who
+take part in the big work of the earth wear that garment of civility and
+graciousness, and yet have their strong friendships and even their
+bitter enmities.
+
+But I did not understand this when we went back to Europe. I only knew
+that my husband was amiable to people he did not like, and I questioned
+how deep his affection for me went. How much of his kindness to me was
+just the easiest way and the manner of a gentleman?
+
+A hard and bare youth had made me supersensitive and suspicious and
+narrow. I wanted to measure other people by the standards of my own
+primitive years. Out on the frontier we had judged life in the rough.
+Courage and truth were the essentials. A man fought his enemies out in
+the open, and made no compromises. There was nothing easy in life, no
+smooth rhythm. And I tried to drag forward with me, as I went, the bold
+ethics of the frontier. I resented good manners because I believed they
+were a cloak of hypocrisy.
+
+A few months after we returned to Europe the shadow of death crossed our
+path, swiftly and terribly. My little son died. Other babies came to
+us later, but that first little boy had brought more into my life than
+all the rest of the world could ever give. He had restored my faith in
+life, my hope, and for a while was all my joy.
+
+People were kind, but I felt that many called merely because it was
+"good form"--"the thing to do." Bitterness was creeping into my heart.
+
+Yet why should it not be "the thing to do" to call on a bereaved mother?
+It is a gesture of humanity. Tom seemed very far away. I felt that his
+pride was hurt, perhaps his vanity; for he had boasted of the little
+fellow and loved to show him off. How little I understood!
+
+I bring myself to tell these intimate things because there is a lesson
+in them for other women--because I resent that any free-born American
+citizen should be handicapped by lacking so small and easily acquired a
+possession as poise, poise that comes with knowledge of the simple rules
+of the social game. It is my hope that this honest confession of my own
+feelings, due directly to lack of training, may help other women, and
+particularly other mothers whose children are now in the plastic years.
+
+It was my utter lack of appreciation of manners and customs in my
+husband's class that estranged me from Tom. I was resentful and
+antagonistic merely because I was different.
+
+
+My husband was suffering even as I was suffering; but no one realized
+it, least of all myself. Every one was especially kind to me, because I
+was a woman. People are rarely attentive and tender with men when loss
+comes. Men are supposed to be strong and self-controlled; their hearts
+are rated as a little less deep and tender than the hearts of women; yet
+when men are truly hurt they need love and care even as little children.
+
+A month after the baby's death, Tom and I were walking along the
+Embankment in London one Saturday afternoon, when we met a small girl
+carrying a little child. The baby was too tired to walk any farther; it
+was dirty, and was crying bitterly. Tom stopped, spoke to the girl, and
+offered to carry the baby, who soon quieted down on Tom's shoulder. At
+the end of that walk Tom's light summer suit was ruined. I expected him
+to turn with some trivial, jesting remark, but he said nothing. I
+looked at him and saw that his face was set and hard and his eyes wet.
+Without looking at me, he said: "Don't speak to me now."
+
+That moment of silence revealed to me my husband's character better than
+months of talking.
+
+The next day my husband came to me and said: "Mary, I have asked for a
+leave of absence. We are going back to the United States. We are going
+out West to have a visit with your family."
+
+Two years before I had believed that Tom would not fit into my
+Northwest. But in twenty-four hours Tom and my father were old pals.
+He was as much at home with mother and the children as I, and all the
+neighbors liked him. He was interested in everything on the ranch, and
+even in the small-town life of the village. He interested father in
+putting modern equipment on the ranch. He went hunting with the men,
+played games with the children, visited the little district schoolhouse,
+and found joy in buying gifts for the youngsters. When mother made a
+big platter full of taffy, he pulled as enthusiastically as a boy. As I
+stood at the corral, one day, and watched Tom with my youngest brother,
+I remembered him at the court of St. James, and I began to understand.
+
+Tom was natural. It was just a part of him to be kindly and gracious to
+everybody. I had never seen him angry with men of his own type, but I
+saw him furious enough to commit murder when a man on the ranch tied up
+a dog and beat her for running away. In after years I saw Tom angry
+with men of his own class; I saw him waging long, bitter fights against
+public men who had betrayed public trust. Something barbaric in me was
+satisfied that my kind, gently bred man was one with the men of my own
+tribe, who fought man and beast and the elements to take civilization
+farther west.
+
+Almost a generation slipped by between that visit to the West and the
+next scene in my life of which I shall write. Many things of personal
+and of national importance happened meantime, but they have nothing to
+do with this message to women. I was in France when the World War
+began. I had been in Vienna again, and in England at regular intervals.
+I had learned to accept life as I found it, and to get much joy out of
+living. Sometimes I chafed a little under the demands of social life
+and needless formalities, but I accepted them as inevitable.
+
+
+Then the world was torn in two. The earth dripped in blood and sorrow.
+Life became more difficult than on the frontier, and more elemental. I
+was present, in the first year of the war, in a house where the King and
+Queen of the Belgians were guests, where great generals and great
+statesmen had gathered on great and earnest and desperate business. I
+was only an onlooker, and I noticed what every one else was too absorbed
+to see. As the evening progressed, I realized that pomp and ceremony
+had died with the youth of France. King, generals, statesmen met as
+human men pitting their wits against one another, desperately struggling
+to find a way out of the hell into which they were falling.
+
+Twice the king rose to his feet, and no one else stood. They were all
+too deep in the terrible question of war.
+
+When the meeting was over and the guests of the house ready to retire,
+the little queen said very quietly: "Madam, may not my husband and I
+occupy this room together? It is very kind of you to arrange two suites
+for us, but I am sure there are many guests here to-night--and, anyway,
+I prefer to be near him."
+
+The war had done that. Who would expect a queen to think of the
+problems of housing guests, even a great queen? And the war had made
+the king not the king, but her man, very near and very dear.
+
+Many other conventions I saw die by the way as the war progressed. Then
+America came in.
+
+There is a temptation to talk about America in the war, but, after all,
+that has no bearing on my story. Soon after the United States entered,
+American men and women began to arrive in Europe in great numbers.
+I met them everywhere; sight-seeing, in offices, at universities, at
+embassies and consulates. I met them and loved them and suffered for
+them.
+
+I was proud of something they brought to France that France needed, and
+I have no doubt that many of them took back to America something from
+France that we need.
+
+For pure mental quality and courage, no people on earth could match what
+the American girls took to France. It was the finest stuff in the
+world. They knew how to meet hardship without grumbling. They knew how
+to run a kitchen and see that hungry men were fed. They knew how to
+nurse, to run telephones, automobiles--anything that needed to be done.
+Some failed and fell by the wayside, but they were the smallest possible
+percentage.
+
+Those American girls knew how to do everything--almost everything.
+
+Two wonderful girls, one who ran a telephone for the army and another in
+the "Y," both from the Middle West, were at headquarters the day the
+King and Queen of the Belgians arrived. With others they were sent to
+serve tea, and they served it. The "Y" girl, taking a young captain
+whose presence made her eyes glisten to her Majesty, said:
+
+"Captain Blank, meet the queen."
+
+And the queen, holding out her hand, and never batting an eye to show
+that all the conventions had been thrown to the winds, said:
+
+"Captain, I am very happy to meet you."
+
+They served tea--served it to the king, the queen, the general of the
+American army, and other important people. There was cake besides tea,
+and it was not easy to drink tea and eat cake standing. The telephone
+girl insisted that General Pershing must sit down. The king was
+standing, and of course, General Pershing continued to do the same.
+
+"Will you sit down?" said another girl to the king. "There are plenty
+of chairs."
+
+That girl had done her job in France--a job of which many a man might
+have been proud--and on her left breast she wore a military medal for
+valor. The king touched the medal, smiled at her, and said he was glad
+there were plenty of chairs, for he knew places where there were not.
+
+But General Pershing and his cake still bothered the little Illinois
+girl, who went back at him again and asked him to sit down and enjoy his
+cake. The king indicated to the general to be seated.
+
+No one but General Pershing would have known what to do between the rule
+to stand when a king stands and the rule to obey the order of the king.
+He gracefully placed his plate on the side of a table, half seated
+himself on it, which was a compromise, and went on enjoying himself.
+The king sat down.
+
+If any one had told that girl the sacredness of the convention she had
+ignored, she would have suffered as keenly as I had suffered in my
+youth. It was such a simple thing to learn; yet who in the middle of a
+war would think of stopping to run a class in etiquette? The point is
+that any girl capable of crossing half the world to do a big job and a
+hard one in a foreign land should have been given the opportunity to
+learn the rules of social intercourse.
+
+
+I saw some American girls and men on official occasions at private
+houses and at official functions. They were clever, attractive,
+fascinating; but when they came to the end of their visit, they rose to
+go, and then stood talking, talking, talking. They did not know exactly
+how to get away. They did not want to be abrupt nor appear to be glad
+to leave.
+
+It would have been so simple for some one to say to them: "One of the
+first rules in social life is to get up and go when you are at the end
+of your visit."
+
+I was in Paris when Marshal Joffre gave the American Ambassador, Mr.
+Sharp, the gold oak leaves as a token of France's veneration for
+America. There were young girls around us who did not hesitate to
+comment on everybody there. One little New Jersey girl insisted rather
+audibly that Clemenceau looked like the old watchman on their block;
+and a boy, a young officer, complained that General Foch "had not won
+as many decorations as General Bliss and General Pershing." Some
+youngsters asked high officers for souvenirs. Many French people
+perhaps did worse, but it hurt me to see even a few of our own splendid
+young people guilty of such crudities, because our American youth is so
+fine at heart.
+
+When the great artist Rodin died, I went to the public ceremony held in
+his memory. Suddenly I realized that America and France each had
+something left that war had not destroyed. A young American art
+student, who had given up his career for his uniform, and was invalided
+back in Paris minus an arm, stood very near me. As he turned to Colonel
+House I heard him say:
+
+"Rodin's going is another battle lost."
+
+It was typical of the American quality of which we have cause to
+boast--the fineness of heart that is in our young people.
+
+
+The day of the armistice in France, those of us who are older stood
+looking on and realizing that all class distinctions, all race, age, and
+pursuits, had been wiped off the map. People were just people. There
+was a complete abandon. I am not a young woman, but I was caught up by
+the fury of the crowd, and swept along singing, laughing, weeping.
+Young soldiers passing would reach out to touch my hand, sometimes to
+kiss me.
+
+That night I believed that the war had broken down many of our barriers;
+that all foolish customs had died; that the terrific price paid in human
+blood and human suffering had at least left a world honest with itself,
+simple and ready for good comradeship; that men were measured by
+manliness and women by ideals. It was a part of the armistice day
+fervor, but I believed it.
+
+And then I came home and went to Newport.
+
+
+
+
+V.
+
+Just before I came home to America in the Spring of 1919, I went to
+Essex for a week-end in one of those splendid old estates which are the
+pride of England.
+
+It was not my first visit, but I was awed anew by the immensity of the
+place, its culture and wealth which seemed to have existed always, its
+aged power and pride. Whole lives had been woven into its window
+curtains and priceless rugs; centuries of art lived in the great
+tapestries; successive generations of great artists had painted the
+ancestors of the present owner.
+
+All three sons of that house went into the war. One never returned from
+Egypt, another is buried in Flanders. Only the youngest returned.
+
+At first glance the smooth life seemed unchanged in the proud old house.
+But before sundown of my first day there, I knew that life had put its
+acid test to the shield and proved it pure gold.
+
+War taxes had fallen heavily on the estate and it was to be leased to an
+American. Until then, the castle was a home to less fortunate buddies
+of the owner's sons.
+
+But these were not the tests I mean, neither these nor the courage and
+the poise of that family in the face of their terrible loss, nor their
+effort to make every one happy and comfortable.
+
+It was an incident at tea time that opened my eyes. The youngest son,
+now the only son, came in from a cross-country tramp and brought with
+him a pleasant faced young woman whom he introduced as "one of my pals
+in the war."
+
+
+That was enough. Lady R. greeted her as one of the royal blood. The
+girl was the daughter of a Manchester plumber. She had done her bit,
+and it had been a hard bit, in the war, and now she was stenographer in
+a near-by village. Later in the afternoon the story came out. She had
+been clerk in the Q. M. corps and after her brother's death she asked
+for service near the front, something hard. She got it. The mules in
+the supply and ammunition trains must be fed and it was her job to get
+hay to a certain division. The girl had ten motor trucks to handle and
+twenty men, three of them noncommissioned officers.
+
+After four days, during which trucks had disappeared and mules gone
+unfed, she asked the colonel for the rank of first sergeant, with only
+enlisted men under her.
+
+Her first official orders were: All trucks must stay together. If one
+breaks down, the others will stop and help.
+
+The second day of her new command, she met our young host, who needed a
+truck to move supplies and tried to commandeer one of hers. When she
+refused, he ordered her. He was a captain.
+
+"I am under orders to get those ten loads of hay to the mules," was her
+reply.
+
+"What will you do if I just take one of them?" asked the captain.
+
+"You won't," said the girl confidently.
+
+"I must get a truck," he insisted. "What can you do about it if I take
+one of yours?"
+
+"England needs men," she answered. "But if you made it necessary I'd
+have to shoot you. If the mules are n't fed, you and other men can't
+fight. If you were fit to be a captain, you'd know that."
+
+
+The young captain told the story himself and his family enjoyed it,
+evidently admiring the Manchester lassie, who sat there as red as a
+poppy. They did not bend to the plumber's daughter, nor seem to try to
+lift her to the altars of their ancient hall.
+
+Every one met on new ground, a ground where human beings had faced death
+together. It was sign of a new fellowship, too deep and fine for even a
+fish knife to sever. There was no consciousness of ancient class.
+There was only to-day and to-morrow.
+
+It was the America I love--that spirit. The best America--valuing a
+human being for personal worth. Then I sailed for home. I went to
+Newport, to the Atlantic coast resorts. They were all the same.
+
+The world had changed but not my own country.
+
+I saw more show of wealth, more extravagance, more carelessness, more
+reckless morals than ever before, and--horrible to contemplate--
+springing up in the new world, the narrow social standards which war had
+torn from the old.
+
+Social lines tightened. Men who had been overwhelmingly welcome while
+they wore shoulder straps were now rated according to bank accounts or
+"family." The "doughboy shavetail", a hero before the armistice, or the
+aviator who held the stage until November eleventh, once he put on his
+serge suit and went back to selling insurance or keeping books, became a
+nodding acquaintance, sometimes not even that.
+
+I was heartsick. I thought often of those splendid men I had met in
+France and of the girls who poured tea for the King of the Belgians.
+I wondered if any one back home was "just nodding" to them.
+
+Everywhere was the blatant show of new wealth.
+
+New money always glitters. I saw it in cars with aluminum hoods and
+gold fittings, diamonds big as birds' eggs, ermine coats in the
+daytime--jeweled heels at night.
+
+Bad breeding plus new money shouted from every street corner. At
+private dinners, I ate foods that I knew were served merely because they
+were expensive, glutton feasts with twice as much as any one could eat
+with comfort.
+
+One day I went to market--the kind of a market to which my mother would
+have gone--and I saw women whose husbands labored hard, scorning to buy
+any but porterhouse steaks--merely because porterhouse steak stood for
+prosperity.
+
+In Washington I met a new kind of American, a type that has sprung up
+suddenly like an evil toadstool. It is a fungous disease that spreads.
+Some hangs from old American stock, some dangles from recent plantings,
+all of it is snobbish and offensive. It wears foreign clothes and
+affects foreign ways, sometimes even foreign accents. It chops and
+mumbles its words like English servants who speak their language badly.
+Some of this is acquired at fashionable finishing schools or from
+foreign secretaries and servants. These new Americans try to appear
+superior and distinctive by scorning all things American. They want
+English chintzes in their homes, French brocades and Italian silks and
+do not even know that some of these very textiles from America have won
+prizes in Europe since 1912. An American manufacturer told me he has to
+stamp his cretonne "English style print" to sell it in this country.
+
+
+This new species of American apes royalty. It goes in for crests. It
+may have made its money in gum shoes or chewing tobacco, but it hires a
+genealogist to dig up a shield. Fine, if you are entitled to a crest.
+But fake genealogists will cook up a coat for the price.
+
+There are crests on the motor-cars, crests on the stationery, on the
+silver, the toilet articles--there are sometimes even crests on the
+servants' buttons and on linen and underclothes!
+
+Fake crests are the first step down, and like all lies they lead to
+other lies. The next step is ancestors.
+
+Selling and painting ancestors is another business which thrives around
+New York, Philadelphia, and Washington. And the public swallows it.
+They swallow each other's ancestors. Even old families take these new
+descendants as a matter of course.
+
+One of these new Americans recently gave a large feast in Washington
+with every out-of-season delicacy in profusion. The only simple thing
+in the house was the mind of the hostess. That night it was a tangled
+skein.
+
+I saw she was worried. Her house was full of potentates, the wives of
+two cabinet officers, and Mrs. Coolidge. She left the room twice after
+the dinner hour had arrived, and it was late when dinner was finally
+announced.
+
+Later in the evening one of the servants whispered to the hostess that
+she was wanted on the telephone--the State Department.
+
+She returned to the drawing-room looking as if she had just heard of a
+death in the family. The guests began considerately to leave.
+
+Her expensive party was a dismal failure. As I have known her husband
+for years, I asked if I could be of any use.
+
+"It 's too late, now," he said. "She had the Princess Bibesco and the
+Princess Lubomirska here and the wife of the Vice President, and she
+didn't know the precedence they took. She held up dinner half an hour
+trying to get the State Department and now they tell her she guessed
+wrong. It 's a tragedy to her."
+
+I confess I did not feel very sorry for that woman. I remembered my
+little Indiana girl who introduced the captain to the Queen of Belgium.
+
+I began to feel as if all America were like the De Morgan jingle:
+
+ "Great fleas have little fleas
+ On their backs to bite 'em,
+ And little fleas have lesser fleas
+ And so ad infinitum."
+
+Then I took a trip across the continent, stopping off in Indiana to see
+my little Y friends. It was like a bath for my soul. Brains count out
+West. Anybody who tries to show off is snubbed.
+
+You must do something to be anything in the Middle West; just to have
+something doesn't count. You don't list your ancestors as you must in
+Virginia or the Carolinas, but to feel self-respecting you must do
+something.
+
+I was happy to renew my wartime friendships. Those who have not shared
+a great work or a greater tragedy will not understand these bonds.
+
+The same young friend who served tea to the king took me to a musicale.
+She wore her war medal. One of the guests, a lady from Virginia who
+claims four coats of arms, was impressed by the girl's medal and the
+fact that she had entertained the king.
+
+The girl had married since the war, a fine young Irish lawyer, with a
+family name which once belonged to a king but which, since hard times
+hit the old sod, has been a butt for song and jest.
+
+The name did not impress the lady from Virginia. "You have such an
+interesting face," she said. "What was your name before your marriage?"
+
+"Oh, it was much less interesting than my husband's," answered my young
+Y friend, and lifting the conversation out of the personal she asked,
+"Have you read Mr. Keynes' 'The Economic Consequences of the Peace?'"
+
+"I had n't read it myself," she confided to me later, "but it was the
+first new book I could think of!"
+
+That is good American manners and what the French call savoir faire.
+
+The Far West still keeps the American inheritance of open hearted
+hospitality and its provincialism. The West has inherited some of the
+finest virtues of our country, and if it is not bitten by Back Bay,
+Philadelphia, Virginia, or Charleston, it will grow up into its mother's
+finest child.
+
+"No church west of Chicago, no God west of Denver," we used to hear when
+I was a child. But to-day, the churches are part of the community and
+even men go. People in the West do not seem to go to church merely out
+of respect for the devil and a conscience complex, but because they like
+to. Churches and schools are important places in the West.
+
+President Harding has said that he hopes more and more people will learn
+to want to pray in a closet alone with God. There are many people like
+that in our Middle West. I say this, because I hope it may help other
+American women who love their country to fight for honesty and purpose
+in our national life, and for tolerance and respect for the simple
+things in our private lives.
+
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LOG-CABIN LADY, ANONYMOUS ***
+
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