initial commit of ebook 809HEADmain

9 files changed, 6111 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6833f05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.gitattributes
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+* text=auto
+*.txt text
+*.md text
diff --git a/809-0.txt b/809-0.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..eca8c40
--- /dev/null
+++ b/809-0.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,2004 @@
+The Project Gutenberg eBook of Holiday Romance, by Charles Dickens
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
+most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
+of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
+www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
+will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
+using this eBook.
+
+Title: Holiday Romance
+       In Four Parts
+
+Author: Charles Dickens
+
+Release Date: February 7, 1997 [eBook #809]
+[Most recently updated: June 8, 2021]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+Produced by: David Price
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOLIDAY ROMANCE ***
+
+
+
+
+                             HOLIDAY ROMANCE
+                              In Four Parts
+
+
+PART I.
+INTRODUCTORY ROMANCE PROM THE PEN OF WILLIAM TINKLING, ESQ. {251}
+
+
+THIS beginning-part is not made out of anybody’s head, you know.  It’s
+real.  You must believe this beginning-part more than what comes after,
+else you won’t understand how what comes after came to be written.  You
+must believe it all; but you must believe this most, please.  I am the
+editor of it.  Bob Redforth (he’s my cousin, and shaking the table on
+purpose) wanted to be the editor of it; but I said he shouldn’t because
+he couldn’t.  _He_ has no idea of being an editor.
+
+Nettie Ashford is my bride.  We were married in the right-hand closet in
+the corner of the dancing-school, where first we met, with a ring (a
+green one) from Wilkingwater’s toy-shop.  _I_ owed for it out of my
+pocket-money.  When the rapturous ceremony was over, we all four went up
+the lane and let off a cannon (brought loaded in Bob Redforth’s
+waistcoat-pocket) to announce our nuptials.  It flew right up when it
+went off, and turned over.  Next day, Lieut.-Col. Robin Redforth was
+united, with similar ceremonies, to Alice Rainbird.  This time the cannon
+burst with a most terrific explosion, and made a puppy bark.
+
+My peerless bride was, at the period of which we now treat, in captivity
+at Miss Grimmer’s.  Drowvey and Grimmer is the partnership, and opinion
+is divided which is the greatest beast.  The lovely bride of the colonel
+was also immured in the dungeons of the same establishment.  A vow was
+entered into, between the colonel and myself, that we would cut them out
+on the following Wednesday when walking two and two.
+
+Under the desperate circumstances of the case, the active brain of the
+colonel, combining with his lawless pursuit (he is a pirate), suggested
+an attack with fireworks.  This, however, from motives of humanity, was
+abandoned as too expensive.
+
+Lightly armed with a paper-knife buttoned up under his jacket, and waving
+the dreaded black flag at the end of a cane, the colonel took command of
+me at two P.M. on the eventful and appointed day.  He had drawn out the
+plan of attack on a piece of paper, which was rolled up round a
+hoop-stick.  He showed it to me.  My position and my full-length portrait
+(but my real ears don’t stick out horizontal) was behind a corner
+lamp-post, with written orders to remain there till I should see Miss
+Drowvey fall.  The Drowvey who was to fall was the one in spectacles, not
+the one with the large lavender bonnet.  At that signal I was to rush
+forth, seize my bride, and fight my way to the lane.  There a junction
+would be effected between myself and the colonel; and putting our brides
+behind us, between ourselves and the palings, we were to conquer or die.
+
+The enemy appeared,—approached.  Waving his black flag, the colonel
+attacked.  Confusion ensued.  Anxiously I awaited my signal; but my
+signal came not.  So far from falling, the hated Drowvey in spectacles
+appeared to me to have muffled the colonel’s head in his outlawed banner,
+and to be pitching into him with a parasol.  The one in the lavender
+bonnet also performed prodigies of valour with her fists on his back.
+Seeing that all was for the moment lost, I fought my desperate way hand
+to hand to the lane.  Through taking the back road, I was so fortunate as
+to meet nobody, and arrived there uninterrupted.
+
+It seemed an age ere the colonel joined me.  He had been to the jobbing
+tailor’s to be sewn up in several places, and attributed our defeat to
+the refusal of the detested Drowvey to fall.  Finding her so obstinate,
+he had said to her, ‘Die, recreant!’ but had found her no more open to
+reason on that point than the other.
+
+My blooming bride appeared, accompanied by the colonel’s bride, at the
+dancing-school next day.  What?  Was her face averted from me?  Hah?
+Even so.  With a look of scorn, she put into my hand a bit of paper, and
+took another partner.  On the paper was pencilled, ‘Heavens!  Can I write
+the word?  Is my husband a cow?’
+
+In the first bewilderment of my heated brain, I tried to think what
+slanderer could have traced my family to the ignoble animal mentioned
+above.  Vain were my endeavours.  At the end of that dance I whispered
+the colonel to come into the cloak-room, and I showed him the note.
+
+‘There is a syllable wanting,’ said he, with a gloomy brow.
+
+‘Hah!  What syllable?’ was my inquiry.
+
+‘She asks, can she write the word?  And no; you see she couldn’t,’ said
+the colonel, pointing out the passage.
+
+‘And the word was?’ said I.
+
+‘Cow—cow—coward,’ hissed the pirate-colonel in my ear, and gave me back
+the note.
+
+Feeling that I must for ever tread the earth a branded boy,—person I
+mean,—or that I must clear up my honour, I demanded to be tried by a
+court-martial.  The colonel admitted my right to be tried.  Some
+difficulty was found in composing the court, on account of the Emperor of
+France’s aunt refusing to let him come out.  He was to be the president.
+Ere yet we had appointed a substitute, he made his escape over the
+back-wall, and stood among us, a free monarch.
+
+The court was held on the grass by the pond.  I recognised, in a certain
+admiral among my judges, my deadliest foe.  A cocoa-nut had given rise to
+language that I could not brook; but confiding in my innocence, and also
+in the knowledge that the President of the United States (who sat next
+him) owed me a knife, I braced myself for the ordeal.
+
+It was a solemn spectacle, that court.  Two executioners with pinafores
+reversed led me in.  Under the shade of an umbrella I perceived my bride,
+supported by the bride of the pirate-colonel.  The president, having
+reproved a little female ensign for tittering, on a matter of life or
+death, called upon me to plead, ‘Coward or no coward, guilty or not
+guilty?’  I pleaded in a firm tone, ‘No coward and not guilty.’  (The
+little female ensign being again reproved by the president for
+misconduct, mutinied, left the court, and threw stones.)
+
+My implacable enemy, the admiral, conducted the case against me.  The
+colonel’s bride was called to prove that I had remained behind the corner
+lamp-post during the engagement.  I might have been spared the anguish of
+my own bride’s being also made a witness to the same point, but the
+admiral knew where to wound me.  Be still, my soul, no matter.  The
+colonel was then brought forward with his evidence.
+
+It was for this point that I had saved myself up, as the turning-point of
+my case.  Shaking myself free of my guards,—who had no business to hold
+me, the stupids, unless I was found guilty,—I asked the colonel what he
+considered the first duty of a soldier?  Ere he could reply, the
+President of the United States rose and informed the court, that my foe,
+the admiral, had suggested ‘Bravery,’ and that prompting a witness wasn’t
+fair.  The president of the court immediately ordered the admiral’s mouth
+to be filled with leaves, and tied up with string.  I had the
+satisfaction of seeing the sentence carried into effect before the
+proceedings went further.
+
+I then took a paper from my trousers-pocket, and asked, ‘What do you
+consider, Col.  Redford, the first duty of a soldier?  Is it obedience?’
+
+‘It is,’ said the colonel.
+
+‘Is that paper—please to look at it—in your hand?’
+
+‘It is,’ said the colonel.
+
+‘Is it a military sketch?’
+
+‘It is,’ said the colonel.
+
+‘Of an engagement?’
+
+‘Quite so,’ said the colonel.
+
+‘Of the late engagement?’
+
+‘Of the late engagement.’
+
+‘Please to describe it, and then hand it to the president of the court.’
+
+From that triumphant moment my sufferings and my dangers were at an end.
+The court rose up and jumped, on discovering that I had strictly obeyed
+orders.  My foe, the admiral, who though muzzled was malignant yet,
+contrived to suggest that I was dishonoured by having quitted the field.
+But the colonel himself had done as much, and gave his opinion, upon his
+word and honour as a pirate, that when all was lost the field might be
+quitted without disgrace.  I was going to be found ‘No coward and not
+guilty,’ and my blooming bride was going to be publicly restored to my
+arms in a procession, when an unlooked-for event disturbed the general
+rejoicing.  This was no other than the Emperor of France’s aunt catching
+hold of his hair.  The proceedings abruptly terminated, and the court
+tumultuously dissolved.
+
+It was when the shades of the next evening but one were beginning to
+fall, ere yet the silver beams of Luna touched the earth, that four forms
+might have been descried slowly advancing towards the weeping willow on
+the borders of the pond, the now deserted scene of the day before
+yesterday’s agonies and triumphs.  On a nearer approach, and by a
+practised eye, these might have been identified as the forms of the
+pirate-colonel with his bride, and of the day before yesterday’s gallant
+prisoner with his bride.
+
+On the beauteous faces of the Nymphs dejection sat enthroned.  All four
+reclined under the willow for some minutes without speaking, till at
+length the bride of the colonel poutingly observed, ‘It’s of no use
+pretending any more, and we had better give it up.’
+
+‘Hah!’ exclaimed the pirate.  ‘Pretending?’
+
+‘Don’t go on like that; you worry me,’ returned his bride.
+
+The lovely bride of Tinkling echoed the incredible declaration.  The two
+warriors exchanged stony glances.
+
+‘If,’ said the bride of the pirate-colonel, ‘grown-up people WON’T do
+what they ought to do, and WILL put us out, what comes of our
+pretending?’
+
+‘We only get into scrapes,’ said the bride of Tinkling.
+
+‘You know very well,’ pursued the colonel’s bride, ‘that Miss Drowvey
+wouldn’t fall.  You complained of it yourself.  And you know how
+disgracefully the court-martial ended.  As to our marriage; would my
+people acknowledge it at home?’
+
+‘Or would my people acknowledge ours?’ said the bride of Tinkling.
+
+Again the two warriors exchanged stony glances.
+
+‘If you knocked at the door and claimed me, after you were told to go
+away,’ said the colonel’s bride, ‘you would only have your hair pulled,
+or your ears, or your nose.’
+
+‘If you persisted in ringing at the bell and claiming me,’ said the bride
+of Tinkling to that gentleman, ‘you would have things dropped on your
+head from the window over the handle, or you would be played upon by the
+garden-engine.’
+
+‘And at your own homes,’ resumed the bride of the colonel, ‘it would be
+just as bad.  You would be sent to bed, or something equally undignified.
+Again, how would you support us?’
+
+The pirate-colonel replied in a courageous voice, ‘By rapine!’  But his
+bride retorted, ‘Suppose the grown-up people wouldn’t be rapined?’
+‘Then,’ said the colonel, ‘they should pay the penalty in blood.’—‘But
+suppose they should object,’ retorted his bride, ‘and wouldn’t pay the
+penalty in blood or anything else?’
+
+A mournful silence ensued.
+
+‘Then do you no longer love me, Alice?’ asked the colonel.
+
+‘Redforth!  I am ever thine,’ returned his bride.
+
+‘Then do you no longer love me, Nettie?’ asked the present writer.
+
+‘Tinkling!  I am ever thine,’ returned my bride.
+
+We all four embraced.  Let me not be misunderstood by the giddy.  The
+colonel embraced his own bride, and I embraced mine.  But two times two
+make four.
+
+‘Nettie and I,’ said Alice mournfully, ‘have been considering our
+position.  The grown-up people are too strong for us.  They make us
+ridiculous.  Besides, they have changed the times.  William Tinkling’s
+baby brother was christened yesterday.  What took place?  Was any king
+present?  Answer, William.’
+
+I said No, unless disguised as Great-uncle Chopper.
+
+‘Any queen?’
+
+There had been no queen that I knew of at our house.  There might have
+been one in the kitchen: but I didn’t think so, or the servants would
+have mentioned it.
+
+‘Any fairies?’
+
+None that were visible.
+
+‘We had an idea among us, I think,’ said Alice, with a melancholy smile,
+‘we four, that Miss Grimmer would prove to be the wicked fairy, and would
+come in at the christening with her crutch-stick, and give the child a
+bad gift.  Was there anything of that sort?  Answer, William.’
+
+I said that ma had said afterwards (and so she had), that Great-uncle
+Chopper’s gift was a shabby one; but she hadn’t said a bad one.  She had
+called it shabby, electrotyped, second-hand, and below his income.
+
+‘It must be the grown-up people who have changed all this,’ said Alice.
+‘_We_ couldn’t have changed it, if we had been so inclined, and we never
+should have been.  Or perhaps Miss Grimmer _is_ a wicked fairy after all,
+and won’t act up to it because the grown-up people have persuaded her not
+to.  Either way, they would make us ridiculous if we told them what we
+expected.’
+
+‘Tyrants!’ muttered the pirate-colonel.
+
+‘Nay, my Redforth,’ said Alice, ‘say not so.  Call not names, my
+Redforth, or they will apply to pa.’
+
+‘Let ’em,’ said the colonel.  ‘I do not care.  Who’s he?’
+
+Tinkling here undertook the perilous task of remonstrating with his
+lawless friend, who consented to withdraw the moody expressions above
+quoted.
+
+‘What remains for us to do?’ Alice went on in her mild, wise way.  ‘We
+must educate, we must pretend in a new manner, we must wait.’
+
+The colonel clenched his teeth,—four out in front, and a piece of
+another, and he had been twice dragged to the door of a dentist-despot,
+but had escaped from his guards.  ‘How educate?  How pretend in a new
+manner?  How wait?’
+
+‘Educate the grown-up people,’ replied Alice.  ‘We part to-night.  Yes,
+Redforth,’—for the colonel tucked up his cuffs,—‘part to-night!  Let us
+in these next holidays, now going to begin, throw our thoughts into
+something educational for the grown-up people, hinting to them how things
+ought to be.  Let us veil our meaning under a mask of romance; you, I,
+and Nettie.  William Tinkling being the plainest and quickest writer,
+shall copy out.  Is it agreed?’
+
+The colonel answered sulkily, ‘I don’t mind.’  He then asked, ‘How about
+pretending?’
+
+‘We will pretend,’ said Alice, ‘that we are children; not that we are
+those grown-up people who won’t help us out as they ought, and who
+understand us so badly.’
+
+The colonel, still much dissatisfied, growled, ‘How about waiting?’
+
+‘We will wait,’ answered little Alice, taking Nettie’s hand in hers, and
+looking up to the sky, ‘we will wait—ever constant and true—till the
+times have got so changed as that everything helps us out, and nothing
+makes us ridiculous, and the fairies have come back.  We will wait—ever
+constant and true—till we are eighty, ninety, or one hundred.  And then
+the fairies will send _us_ children, and we will help them out, poor
+pretty little creatures, if they pretend ever so much.’
+
+‘So we will, dear,’ said Nettie Ashford, taking her round the waist with
+both arms and kissing her.  ‘And now if my husband will go and buy some
+cherries for us, I have got some money.’
+
+In the friendliest manner I invited the colonel to go with me; but he so
+far forgot himself as to acknowledge the invitation by kicking out
+behind, and then lying down on his stomach on the grass, pulling it up
+and chewing it.  When I came back, however, Alice had nearly brought him
+out of his vexation, and was soothing him by telling him how soon we
+should all be ninety.
+
+As we sat under the willow-tree and ate the cherries (fair, for Alice
+shared them out), we played at being ninety.  Nettie complained that she
+had a bone in her old back, and it made her hobble; and Alice sang a song
+in an old woman’s way, but it was very pretty, and we were all merry.  At
+least, I don’t know about merry exactly, but all comfortable.
+
+There was a most tremendous lot of cherries; and Alice always had with
+her some neat little bag or box or case, to hold things.  In it that
+night was a tiny wine-glass.  So Alice and Nettie said they would make
+some cherry-wine to drink our love at parting.
+
+Each of us had a glassful, and it was delicious; and each of us drank the
+toast, ‘Our love at parting.’  The colonel drank his wine last; and it
+got into my head directly that it got into his directly.  Anyhow, his
+eyes rolled immediately after he had turned the glass upside down; and he
+took me on one side and proposed in a hoarse whisper, that we should ‘Cut
+‘em out still.’
+
+‘How did he mean?’ I asked my lawless friend.
+
+‘Cut our brides out,’ said the colonel, ‘and then cut our way, without
+going down a single turning, bang to the Spanish main!’
+
+We might have tried it, though I didn’t think it would answer; only we
+looked round and saw that there was nothing but moon-light under the
+willow-tree, and that our pretty, pretty wives were gone.  We burst out
+crying.  The colonel gave in second, and came to first; but he gave in
+strong.
+
+We were ashamed of our red eyes, and hung about for half-an-hour to
+whiten them.  Likewise a piece of chalk round the rims, I doing the
+colonel’s, and he mine, but afterwards found in the bedroom looking-glass
+not natural, besides inflammation.  Our conversation turned on being
+ninety.  The colonel told me he had a pair of boots that wanted soling
+and heeling; but he thought it hardly worth while to mention it to his
+father, as he himself should so soon be ninety, when he thought shoes
+would be more convenient.  The colonel also told me, with his hand upon
+his hip, that he felt himself already getting on in life, and turning
+rheumatic.  And I told him the same.  And when they said at our house at
+supper (they are always bothering about something) that I stooped, I felt
+so glad!
+
+This is the end of the beginning-part that you were to believe most.
+
+
+
+
+PART II.
+ROMANCE.  FROM THE PEN OF MISS ALICE RAINBIRD {258}
+
+
+THERE was once a king, and he had a queen; and he was the manliest of his
+sex, and she was the loveliest of hers.  The king was, in his private
+profession, under government.  The queen’s father had been a medical man
+out of town.
+
+They had nineteen children, and were always having more.  Seventeen of
+these children took care of the baby; and Alicia, the eldest, took care
+of them all.  Their ages varied from seven years to seven months.
+
+Let us now resume our story.
+
+One day the king was going to the office, when he stopped at the
+fishmonger’s to buy a pound and a half of salmon not too near the tail,
+which the queen (who was a careful housekeeper) had requested him to send
+home.  Mr. Pickles, the fishmonger, said, ‘Certainly, sir; is there any
+other article?  Good-morning.’
+
+The king went on towards the office in a melancholy mood; for quarter-day
+was such a long way off, and several of the dear children were growing
+out of their clothes.  He had not proceeded far, when Mr. Pickles’s
+errand-boy came running after him, and said, ‘Sir, you didn’t notice the
+old lady in our shop.’
+
+‘What old lady?’ inquired the king.  ‘I saw none.’
+
+Now the king had not seen any old lady, because this old lady had been
+invisible to him, though visible to Mr. Pickles’s boy.  Probably because
+he messed and splashed the water about to that degree, and flopped the
+pairs of soles down in that violent manner, that, if she had not been
+visible to him, he would have spoilt her clothes.
+
+Just then the old lady came trotting up.  She was dressed in shot-silk of
+the richest quality, smelling of dried lavender.
+
+‘King Watkins the First, I believe?’ said the old lady.
+
+‘Watkins,’ replied the king, ‘is my name.’
+
+‘Papa, if I am not mistaken, of the beautiful Princess Alicia?’ said the
+old lady.
+
+‘And of eighteen other darlings,’ replied the king.
+
+‘Listen.  You are going to the office,’ said the old lady.
+
+It instantly flashed upon the king that she must be a fairy, or how could
+she know that?
+
+‘You are right,’ said the old lady, answering his thoughts.  ‘I am the
+good Fairy Grandmarina.  Attend!  When you return home to dinner,
+politely invite the Princess Alicia to have some of the salmon you bought
+just now.’
+
+‘It may disagree with her,’ said the king.
+
+The old lady became so very angry at this absurd idea, that the king was
+quite alarmed, and humbly begged her pardon.
+
+‘We hear a great deal too much about this thing disagreeing, and that
+thing disagreeing,’ said the old lady, with the greatest contempt it was
+possible to express.  ‘Don’t be greedy.  I think you want it all
+yourself.’
+
+The king hung his head under this reproof, and said he wouldn’t talk
+about things disagreeing any more.
+
+‘Be good, then,’ said the Fairy Grandmarina, ‘and don’t.  When the
+beautiful Princess Alicia consents to partake of the salmon,—as I think
+she will,—you will find she will leave a fish-bone on her plate.  Tell
+her to dry it, and to rub it, and to polish it till it shines like
+mother-of-pearl, and to take care of it as a present from me.’
+
+‘Is that all?’ asked the king.
+
+‘Don’t be impatient, sir,’ returned the Fairy Grandmarina, scolding him
+severely.  ‘Don’t catch people short, before they have done speaking.
+Just the way with you grown-up persons.  You are always doing it.’
+
+The king again hung his head, and said he wouldn’t do so any more.
+
+‘Be good, then,’ said the Fairy Grandmarina, ‘and don’t!  Tell the
+Princess Alicia, with my love, that the fish-bone is a magic present
+which can only be used once; but that it will bring her, that once,
+whatever she wishes for, PROVIDED SHE WISHES FOR IT AT THE RIGHT TIME.
+That is the message.  Take care of it.’
+
+The king was beginning, ‘Might I ask the reason?’ when the fairy became
+absolutely furious.
+
+‘_Will_ you be good, sir?’ she exclaimed, stamping her foot on the
+ground.  ‘The reason for this, and the reason for that, indeed!  You are
+always wanting the reason.  No reason.  There!  Hoity toity me!  I am
+sick of your grown-up reasons.’
+
+The king was extremely frightened by the old lady’s flying into such a
+passion, and said he was very sorry to have offended her, and he wouldn’t
+ask for reasons any more.
+
+‘Be good, then,’ said the old lady, ‘and don’t!’
+
+With those words, Grandmarina vanished, and the king went on and on and
+on, till he came to the office.  There he wrote and wrote and wrote, till
+it was time to go home again.  Then he politely invited the Princess
+Alicia, as the fairy had directed him, to partake of the salmon.  And
+when she had enjoyed it very much, he saw the fish-bone on her plate, as
+the fairy had told him he would, and he delivered the fairy’s message,
+and the Princess Alicia took care to dry the bone, and to rub it, and to
+polish it, till it shone like mother-of-pearl.
+
+And so, when the queen was going to get up in the morning, she said, ‘O,
+dear me, dear me; my head, my head!’ and then she fainted away.
+
+The Princess Alicia, who happened to be looking in at the chamber-door,
+asking about breakfast, was very much alarmed when she saw her royal
+mamma in this state, and she rang the bell for Peggy, which was the name
+of the lord chamberlain.  But remembering where the smelling-bottle was,
+she climbed on a chair and got it; and after that she climbed on another
+chair by the bedside, and held the smelling-bottle to the queen’s nose;
+and after that she jumped down and got some water; and after that she
+jumped up again and wetted the queen’s forehead; and, in short, when the
+lord chamberlain came in, that dear old woman said to the little
+princess, ‘What a trot you are!  I couldn’t have done it better myself!’
+
+But that was not the worst of the good queen’s illness.  O, no!  She was
+very ill indeed, for a long time.  The Princess Alicia kept the seventeen
+young princes and princesses quiet, and dressed and undressed and danced
+the baby, and made the kettle boil, and heated the soup, and swept the
+hearth, and poured out the medicine, and nursed the queen, and did all
+that ever she could, and was as busy, busy, busy as busy could be; for
+there were not many servants at that palace for three reasons: because
+the king was short of money, because a rise in his office never seemed to
+come, and because quarter-day was so far off that it looked almost as far
+off and as little as one of the stars.
+
+But on the morning when the queen fainted away, where was the magic
+fish-bone?  Why, there it was in the Princess Alicia’s pocket!  She had
+almost taken it out to bring the queen to life again, when she put it
+back, and looked for the smelling-bottle.
+
+After the queen had come out of her swoon that morning, and was dozing,
+the Princess Alicia hurried up-stairs to tell a most particular secret to
+a most particularly confidential friend of hers, who was a duchess.
+People did suppose her to be a doll; but she was really a duchess, though
+nobody knew it except the princess.
+
+This most particular secret was the secret about the magic fish-bone, the
+history of which was well known to the duchess, because the princess told
+her everything.  The princess kneeled down by the bed on which the
+duchess was lying, full-dressed and wide awake, and whispered the secret
+to her.  The duchess smiled and nodded.  People might have supposed that
+she never smiled and nodded; but she often did, though nobody knew it
+except the princess.
+
+Then the Princess Alicia hurried down-stairs again, to keep watch in the
+queen’s room.  She often kept watch by herself in the queen’s room; but
+every evening, while the illness lasted, she sat there watching with the
+king.  And every evening the king sat looking at her with a cross look,
+wondering why she never brought out the magic fish-bone.  As often as she
+noticed this, she ran up-stairs, whispered the secret to the duchess over
+again, and said to the duchess besides, ‘They think we children never
+have a reason or a meaning!’  And the duchess, though the most
+fashionable duchess that ever was heard of, winked her eye.
+
+‘Alicia,’ said the king, one evening, when she wished him good-night.
+
+‘Yes, papa.’
+
+‘What is become of the magic fish-bone?’
+
+‘In my pocket, papa!’
+
+‘I thought you had lost it?’
+
+‘O, no, papa!’
+
+‘Or forgotten it?’
+
+‘No, indeed, papa.’
+
+And so another time the dreadful little snapping pug-dog, next door, made
+a rush at one of the young princes as he stood on the steps coming home
+from school, and terrified him out of his wits; and he put his hand
+through a pane of glass, and bled, bled, bled.  When the seventeen other
+young princes and princesses saw him bleed, bleed, bleed, they were
+terrified out of their wits too, and screamed themselves black in their
+seventeen faces all at once.  But the Princess Alicia put her hands over
+all their seventeen mouths, one after another, and persuaded them to be
+quiet because of the sick queen.  And then she put the wounded prince’s
+hand in a basin of fresh cold water, while they stared with their twice
+seventeen are thirty-four, put down four and carry three, eyes, and then
+she looked in the hand for bits of glass, and there were fortunately no
+bits of glass there.  And then she said to two chubby-legged princes, who
+were sturdy though small, ‘Bring me in the royal rag-bag: I must snip and
+stitch and cut and contrive.’  So these two young princes tugged at the
+royal rag-bag, and lugged it in; and the Princess Alicia sat down on the
+floor, with a large pair of scissors and a needle and thread, and snipped
+and stitched and cut and contrived, and made a bandage, and put it on,
+and it fitted beautifully; and so when it was all done, she saw the king
+her papa looking on by the door.
+
+‘Alicia.’
+
+‘Yes, papa.’
+
+‘What have you been doing?’
+
+‘Snipping, stitching, cutting, and contriving, papa.’
+
+‘Where is the magic fish-bone?’
+
+‘In my pocket, papa.’
+
+‘I thought you had lost it?’
+
+‘O, no, papa.’
+
+‘Or forgotten it?’
+
+‘No, indeed, papa.’
+
+After that, she ran up-stairs to the duchess, and told her what had
+passed, and told her the secret over again; and the duchess shook her
+flaxen curls, and laughed with her rosy lips.
+
+Well! and so another time the baby fell under the grate.  The seventeen
+young princes and princesses were used to it; for they were almost always
+falling under the grate or down the stairs; but the baby was not used to
+it yet, and it gave him a swelled face and a black eye.  The way the poor
+little darling came to tumble was, that he was out of the Princess
+Alicia’s lap just as she was sitting, in a great coarse apron that quite
+smothered her, in front of the kitchen-fire, beginning to peel the
+turnips for the broth for dinner; and the way she came to be doing that
+was, that the king’s cook had run away that morning with her own true
+love, who was a very tall but very tipsy soldier.  Then the seventeen
+young princes and princesses, who cried at everything that happened,
+cried and roared.  But the Princess Alicia (who couldn’t help crying a
+little herself) quietly called to them to be still, on account of not
+throwing back the queen up-stairs, who was fast getting well, and said,
+‘Hold your tongues, you wicked little monkeys, every one of you, while I
+examine baby!’  Then she examined baby, and found that he hadn’t broken
+anything; and she held cold iron to his poor dear eye, and smoothed his
+poor dear face, and he presently fell asleep in her arms.  Then she said
+to the seventeen princes and princesses, ‘I am afraid to let him down
+yet, lest he should wake and feel pain; be good, and you shall all be
+cooks.’  They jumped for joy when they heard that, and began making
+themselves cooks’ caps out of old newspapers.  So to one she gave the
+salt-box, and to one she gave the barley, and to one she gave the herbs,
+and to one she gave the turnips, and to one she gave the carrots, and to
+one she gave the onions, and to one she gave the spice-box, till they
+were all cooks, and all running about at work, she sitting in the middle,
+smothered in the great coarse apron, nursing baby.  By and by the broth
+was done; and the baby woke up, smiling, like an angel, and was trusted
+to the sedatest princess to hold, while the other princes and princesses
+were squeezed into a far-off corner to look at the Princess Alicia
+turning out the saucepanful of broth, for fear (as they were always
+getting into trouble) they should get splashed and scalded.  When the
+broth came tumbling out, steaming beautifully, and smelling like a
+nosegay good to eat, they clapped their hands.  That made the baby clap
+his hands; and that, and his looking as if he had a comic toothache, made
+all the princes and princesses laugh.  So the Princess Alicia said,
+‘Laugh and be good; and after dinner we will make him a nest on the floor
+in a corner, and he shall sit in his nest and see a dance of eighteen
+cooks.’  That delighted the young princes and princesses, and they ate up
+all the broth, and washed up all the plates and dishes, and cleared away,
+and pushed the table into a corner; and then they in their cooks’ caps,
+and the Princess Alicia in the smothering coarse apron that belonged to
+the cook that had run away with her own true love that was the very tall
+but very tipsy soldier, danced a dance of eighteen cooks before the
+angelic baby, who forgot his swelled face and his black eye, and crowed
+with joy.
+
+And so then, once more the Princess Alicia saw King Watkins the First,
+her father, standing in the doorway looking on, and he said, ‘What have
+you been doing, Alicia?’
+
+‘Cooking and contriving, papa.’
+
+‘What else have you been doing, Alicia?’
+
+‘Keeping the children light-hearted, papa.’
+
+‘Where is the magic fish-bone, Alicia?
+
+‘In my pocket, papa.’
+
+‘I thought you had lost it?’
+
+‘O, no, papa!’
+
+‘Or forgotten it?’
+
+‘No, indeed, papa.’
+
+The king then sighed so heavily, and seemed so low-spirited, and sat down
+so miserably, leaning his head upon his hand, and his elbow upon the
+kitchen-table pushed away in the corner, that the seventeen princes and
+princesses crept softly out of the kitchen, and left him alone with the
+Princess Alicia and the angelic baby.
+
+‘What is the matter, papa?’
+
+‘I am dreadfully poor, my child.’
+
+‘Have you no money at all, papa?’
+
+‘None, my child.’
+
+‘Is there no way of getting any, papa?’
+
+‘No way,’ said the king.  ‘I have tried very hard, and I have tried all
+ways.’
+
+When she heard those last words, the Princess Alicia began to put her
+hand into the pocket where she kept the magic fish-bone.
+
+‘Papa,’ said she, ‘when we have tried very hard, and tried all ways, we
+must have done our very, very best?’
+
+‘No doubt, Alicia.’
+
+‘When we have done our very, very best, papa, and that is not enough,
+then I think the right time must have come for asking help of others.’
+This was the very secret connected with the magic fish-bone, which she
+had found out for herself from the good Fairy Grandmarina’s words, and
+which she had so often whispered to her beautiful and fashionable friend,
+the duchess.
+
+So she took out of her pocket the magic fish-bone, that had been dried
+and rubbed and polished till it shone like mother-of-pearl; and she gave
+it one little kiss, and wished it was quarter-day.  And immediately it
+_was_ quarter-day; and the king’s quarter’s salary came rattling down the
+chimney, and bounced into the middle of the floor.
+
+But this was not half of what happened,—no, not a quarter; for
+immediately afterwards the good Fairy Grandmarina came riding in, in a
+carriage and four (peacocks), with Mr. Pickles’s boy up behind, dressed
+in silver and gold, with a cocked-hat, powdered-hair, pink silk
+stockings, a jewelled cane, and a nosegay.  Down jumped Mr. Pickles’s
+boy, with his cocked-hat in his hand, and wonderfully polite (being
+entirely changed by enchantment), and handed Grandmarina out; and there
+she stood, in her rich shot-silk smelling of dried lavender, fanning
+herself with a sparkling fan.
+
+‘Alicia, my dear,’ said this charming old fairy, ‘how do you do?  I hope
+I see you pretty well?  Give me a kiss.’
+
+The Princess Alicia embraced her; and then Grandmarina turned to the
+king, and said rather sharply, ‘Are you good?’  The king said he hoped
+so.
+
+‘I suppose you know the reason _now_, why my god-daughter here,’ kissing
+the princess again, ‘did not apply to the fish-bone sooner?’ said the
+fairy.
+
+The king made a shy bow.
+
+‘Ah! but you didn’t _then_?’ said the fairy.
+
+The king made a shyer bow.
+
+‘Any more reasons to ask for?’ said the fairy.
+
+The king said, No, and he was very sorry.
+
+‘Be good, then,’ said the fairy, ‘and live happy ever afterwards.’
+
+Then Grandmarina waved her fan, and the queen came in most splendidly
+dressed; and the seventeen young princes and princesses, no longer grown
+out of their clothes, came in, newly fitted out from top to toe, with
+tucks in everything to admit of its being let out.  After that, the fairy
+tapped the Princess Alicia with her fan; and the smothering coarse apron
+flew away, and she appeared exquisitely dressed, like a little bride,
+with a wreath of orange-flowers and a silver veil.  After that, the
+kitchen dresser changed of itself into a wardrobe, made of beautiful
+woods and gold and looking glass, which was full of dresses of all sorts,
+all for her and all exactly fitting her.  After that, the angelic baby
+came in, running alone, with his face and eye not a bit the worse, but
+much the better.  Then Grandmarina begged to be introduced to the
+duchess; and, when the duchess was brought down, many compliments passed
+between them.
+
+A little whispering took place between the fairy and the duchess; and
+then the fairy said out loud, ‘Yes, I thought she would have told you.’
+Grandmarina then turned to the king and queen, and said, ‘We are going in
+search of Prince Certainpersonio.  The pleasure of your company is
+requested at church in half an hour precisely.’  So she and the Princess
+Alicia got into the carriage; and Mr. Pickles’s boy handed in the
+duchess, who sat by herself on the opposite seat; and then Mr. Pickles’s
+boy put up the steps and got up behind, and the peacocks flew away with
+their tails behind.
+
+Prince Certainpersonio was sitting by himself, eating barley-sugar, and
+waiting to be ninety.  When he saw the peacocks, followed by the
+carriage, coming in at the window it immediately occurred to him that
+something uncommon was going to happen.
+
+‘Prince,’ said Grandmarina, ‘I bring you your bride.’  The moment the
+fairy said those words, Prince Certainpersonio’s face left off being
+sticky, and his jacket and corduroys changed to peach-bloom velvet, and
+his hair curled, and a cap and feather flew in like a bird and settled on
+his head.  He got into the carriage by the fairy’s invitation; and there
+he renewed his acquaintance with the duchess, whom he had seen before.
+
+In the church were the prince’s relations and friends, and the Princess
+Alicia’s relations and friends, and the seventeen princes and princesses,
+and the baby, and a crowd of the neighbours.  The marriage was beautiful
+beyond expression.  The duchess was bridesmaid, and beheld the ceremony
+from the pulpit, where she was supported by the cushion of the desk.
+
+Grandmarina gave a magnificent wedding-feast afterwards, in which there
+was everything and more to eat, and everything and more to drink.  The
+wedding-cake was delicately ornamented with white satin ribbons, frosted
+silver, and white lilies, and was forty-two yards round.
+
+When Grandmarina had drunk her love to the young couple, and Prince
+Certainpersonio had made a speech, and everybody had cried, Hip, hip,
+hip, hurrah! Grandmarina announced to the king and queen that in future
+there would be eight quarter-days in every year, except in leap-year,
+when there would be ten.  She then turned to Certainpersonio and Alicia,
+and said, ‘My dears, you will have thirty-five children, and they will
+all be good and beautiful.  Seventeen of your children will be boys, and
+eighteen will be girls.  The hair of the whole of your children will curl
+naturally.  They will never have the measles, and will have recovered
+from the whooping-cough before being born.’
+
+On hearing such good news, everybody cried out ‘Hip, hip, hip, hurrah!’
+again.
+
+‘It only remains,’ said Grandmarina in conclusion, ‘to make an end of the
+fish-bone.’
+
+So she took it from the hand of the Princess Alicia, and it instantly
+flew down the throat of the dreadful little snapping pug-dog, next door,
+and choked him, and he expired in convulsions.
+
+
+
+
+PART III.
+ROMANCE.  FROM THE PEN OF LIEUT.-COL. ROBIN REDFORTH {266}
+
+
+THE subject of our present narrative would appear to have devoted himself
+to the pirate profession at a comparatively early age.  We find him in
+command of a splendid schooner of one hundred guns loaded to the muzzle,
+ere yet he had had a party in honour of his tenth birthday.
+
+It seems that our hero, considering himself spited by a Latin-grammar
+master, demanded the satisfaction due from one man of honour to
+another.—Not getting it, he privately withdrew his haughty spirit from
+such low company, bought a second-hand pocket-pistol, folded up some
+sandwiches in a paper bag, made a bottle of Spanish liquorice-water, and
+entered on a career of valour.
+
+It were tedious to follow Boldheart (for such was his name) through the
+commencing stages of his story.  Suffice it, that we find him bearing the
+rank of Capt. Boldheart, reclining in full uniform on a crimson
+hearth-rug spread out upon the quarter-deck of his schooner ‘The Beauty,’
+in the China seas.  It was a lovely evening; and, as his crew lay grouped
+about him, he favoured them with the following melody:
+
+    O landsmen are folly!
+    O pirates are jolly!
+    O diddleum Dolly,
+                   Di!
+
+             _Chorus_.—Heave yo.
+
+The soothing effect of these animated sounds floating over the waters, as
+the common sailors united their rough voices to take up the rich tones of
+Boldheart, may be more easily conceived than described.
+
+It was under these circumstances that the look-out at the masthead gave
+the word, ‘Whales!’
+
+All was now activity.
+
+‘Where away?’ cried Capt. Boldheart, starting up.
+
+‘On the larboard bow, sir,’ replied the fellow at the masthead, touching
+his hat.  For such was the height of discipline on board of ‘The Beauty,’
+that, even at that height, he was obliged to mind it, or be shot through
+the head.
+
+‘This adventure belongs to me,’ said Boldheart.  ‘Boy, my harpoon.  Let
+no man follow;’ and leaping alone into his boat, the captain rowed with
+admirable dexterity in the direction of the monster.
+
+All was now excitement.
+
+‘He nears him!’ said an elderly seaman, following the captain through his
+spy-glass.
+
+‘He strikes him!’ said another seaman, a mere stripling, but also with a
+spy-glass.
+
+‘He tows him towards us!’ said another seaman, a man in the full vigour
+of life, but also with a spy-glass.
+
+In fact, the captain was seen approaching, with the huge bulk following.
+We will not dwell on the deafening cries of ‘Boldheart! Boldheart!’ with
+which he was received, when, carelessly leaping on the quarter-deck, he
+presented his prize to his men.  They afterwards made two thousand four
+hundred and seventeen pound ten and sixpence by it.
+
+Ordering the sail to be braced up, the captain now stood W.N.W.  ‘The
+Beauty’ flew rather than floated over the dark blue waters.  Nothing
+particular occurred for a fortnight, except taking, with considerable
+slaughter, four Spanish galleons, and a snow from South America, all
+richly laden.  Inaction began to tell upon the spirits of the men.  Capt.
+Boldheart called all hands aft, and said, ‘My lads, I hear there are
+discontented ones among ye.  Let any such stand forth.’
+
+After some murmuring, in which the expressions, ‘Ay, ay, sir!’  ‘Union
+Jack,’ ‘Avast,’ ‘Starboard,’ ‘Port,’ ‘Bowsprit,’ and similar indications
+of a mutinous undercurrent, though subdued, were audible, Bill Boozey,
+captain of the foretop, came out from the rest.  His form was that of a
+giant, but he quailed under the captain’s eye.
+
+‘What are your wrongs?’ said the captain.
+
+‘Why, d’ye see, Capt. Boldheart,’ replied the towering manner, ‘I’ve
+sailed, man and boy, for many a year, but I never yet know’d the milk
+served out for the ship’s company’s teas to be so sour as ‘tis aboard
+this craft.’
+
+At this moment the thrilling cry, ‘Man overboard!’ announced to the
+astonished crew that Boozey, in stepping back, as the captain (in mere
+thoughtfulness) laid his hand upon the faithful pocket-pistol which he
+wore in his belt, had lost his balance, and was struggling with the
+foaming tide.
+
+All was now stupefaction.
+
+But with Capt. Boldheart, to throw off his uniform coat, regardless of
+the various rich orders with which it was decorated, and to plunge into
+the sea after the drowning giant, was the work of a moment.  Maddening
+was the excitement when boats were lowered; intense the joy when the
+captain was seen holding up the drowning man with his teeth; deafening
+the cheering when both were restored to the main deck of ‘The Beauty.’
+And, from the instant of his changing his wet clothes for dry ones, Capt.
+Boldheart had no such devoted though humble friend as William Boozey.
+
+Boldheart now pointed to the horizon, and called the attention of his
+crew to the taper spars of a ship lying snug in harbour under the guns of
+a fort.
+
+‘She shall be ours at sunrise,’ said he.  ‘Serve out a double allowance
+of grog, and prepare for action.’
+
+All was now preparation.
+
+When morning dawned, after a sleepless night, it was seen that the
+stranger was crowding on all sail to come out of the harbour and offer
+battle.  As the two ships came nearer to each other, the stranger fired a
+gun and hoisted Roman colours.  Boldheart then perceived her to be the
+Latin-grammar master’s bark.  Such indeed she was, and had been tacking
+about the world in unavailing pursuit, from the time of his first taking
+to a roving life.
+
+Boldheart now addressed his men, promising to blow them up if he should
+feel convinced that their reputation required it, and giving orders that
+the Latin-grammar master should be taken alive.  He then dismissed them
+to their quarters, and the fight began with a broadside from ‘The
+Beauty.’  She then veered around, and poured in another.  ‘The Scorpion’
+(so was the bark of the Latin-grammar master appropriately called) was
+not slow to return her fire; and a terrific cannonading ensued, in which
+the guns of ‘The Beauty’ did tremendous execution.
+
+The Latin-grammar master was seen upon the poop, in the midst of the
+smoke and fire, encouraging his men.  To do him justice, he was no
+craven, though his white hat, his short gray trousers, and his long
+snuff-coloured surtout reaching to his heels (the self-same coat in which
+he had spited Boldheart), contrasted most unfavourably with the brilliant
+uniform of the latter.  At this moment, Boldheart, seizing a pike and
+putting himself at the head of his men, gave the word to board.
+
+A desperate conflict ensued in the hammock-nettings,—or somewhere in
+about that direction,—until the Latin-grammar master, having all his
+masts gone, his hull and rigging shot through, and seeing Boldheart
+slashing a path towards him, hauled down his flag himself, gave up his
+sword to Boldheart, and asked for quarter.  Scarce had he been put into
+the captain’s boat, ere ‘The Scorpion’ went down with all on board.
+
+On Capt. Boldheart’s now assembling his men, a circumstance occurred.  He
+found it necessary with one blow of his cutlass to kill the cook, who,
+having lost his brother in the late action, was making at the
+Latin-grammar master in an infuriated state, intent on his destruction
+with a carving-knife.
+
+Capt. Boldheart then turned to the Latin-grammar master, severely
+reproaching him with his perfidy, and put it to his crew what they
+considered that a master who spited a boy deserved.
+
+They answered with one voice, ‘Death.’
+
+‘It may be so,’ said the captain; ‘but it shall never be said that
+Boldheart stained his hour of triumph with the blood of his enemy.
+Prepare the cutter.’
+
+The cutter was immediately prepared.
+
+‘Without taking your life,’ said the captain, ‘I must yet for ever
+deprive you of the power of spiting other boys.  I shall turn you adrift
+in this boat.  You will find in her two oars, a compass, a bottle of rum,
+a small cask of water, a piece of pork, a bag of biscuit, and my Latin
+grammar.  Go! and spite the natives, if you can find any.’
+
+Deeply conscious of this bitter sarcasm, the unhappy wretch was put into
+the cutter, and was soon left far behind.  He made no effort to row, but
+was seen lying on his back with his legs up, when last made out by the
+ship’s telescopes.
+
+A stiff breeze now beginning to blow, Capt. Boldheart gave orders to keep
+her S.S.W., easing her a little during the night by falling off a point
+or two W. by W., or even by W.S., if she complained much.  He then
+retired for the night, having in truth much need of repose.  In addition
+to the fatigues he had undergone, this brave officer had received sixteen
+wounds in the engagement, but had not mentioned it.
+
+In the morning a white squall came on, and was succeeded by other squalls
+of various colours.  It thundered and lightened heavily for six weeks.
+Hurricanes then set in for two months.  Waterspouts and tornadoes
+followed.  The oldest sailor on board—and he was a very old one—had never
+seen such weather.  ‘The Beauty’ lost all idea where she was, and the
+carpenter reported six feet two of water in the hold.  Everybody fell
+senseless at the pumps every day.
+
+Provisions now ran very low.  Our hero put the crew on short allowance,
+and put himself on shorter allowance than any man in the ship.  But his
+spirit kept him fat.  In this extremity, the gratitude of Boozey, the
+captain of the foretop, whom our readers may remember, was truly
+affecting.  The loving though lowly William repeatedly requested to be
+killed, and preserved for the captain’s table.
+
+We now approach a change of affairs.  One day during a gleam of sunshine,
+and when the weather had moderated, the man at the masthead—too weak now
+to touch his hat, besides its having been blown away—called out,
+
+‘Savages!’
+
+All was now expectation.
+
+Presently fifteen hundred canoes, each paddled by twenty savages, were
+seen advancing in excellent order.  They were of a light green colour
+(the savages were), and sang, with great energy, the following strain:
+
+    Choo a choo a choo tooth.
+       Muntch, muntch.  Nycey!
+    Choo a choo a choo tooth.
+       Muntch, muntch.  Nycey!
+
+As the shades of night were by this time closing in, these expressions
+were supposed to embody this simple people’s views of the evening hymn.
+But it too soon appeared that the song was a translation of ‘For what we
+are going to receive,’ &c.
+
+The chief, imposingly decorated with feathers of lively colours, and
+having the majestic appearance of a fighting parrot, no sooner understood
+(he understood English perfectly) that the ship was ‘The Beauty,’ Capt.
+Boldheart, than he fell upon his face on the deck, and could not be
+persuaded to rise until the captain had lifted him up, and told him he
+wouldn’t hurt him.  All the rest of the savages also fell on their faces
+with marks of terror, and had also to be lifted up one by one.  Thus the
+fame of the great Boldheart had gone before him, even among these
+children of Nature.
+
+Turtles and oysters were now produced in astonishing numbers; and on
+these and yams the people made a hearty meal.  After dinner the chief
+told Capt. Boldheart that there was better feeding up at the village, and
+that he would be glad to take him and his officers there.  Apprehensive
+of treachery, Boldheart ordered his boat’s crew to attend him completely
+armed.  And well were it for other commanders if their precautions—but
+let us not anticipate.
+
+When the canoes arrived at the beach, the darkness of the night was
+illumined by the light of an immense fire.  Ordering his boat’s crew
+(with the intrepid though illiterate William at their head) to keep close
+and be upon their guard, Boldheart bravely went on, arm in arm with the
+chief.
+
+But how to depict the captain’s surprise when he found a ring of savages
+singing in chorus that barbarous translation of ‘For what we are going to
+receive,’ &c., which has been given above, and dancing hand in hand round
+the Latin-grammar master, in a hamper with his head shaved, while two
+savages floured him, before putting him to the fire to be cooked!
+
+Boldheart now took counsel with his officers on the course to be adopted.
+In the mean time, the miserable captive never ceased begging pardon and
+imploring to be delivered.  On the generous Boldheart’s proposal, it was
+at length resolved that he should not be cooked, but should be allowed to
+remain raw, on two conditions, namely:
+
+1. That he should never, under any circumstances, presume to teach any
+boy anything any more.
+
+2. That, if taken back to England, he should pass his life in travelling
+to find out boys who wanted their exercises done, and should do their
+exercises for those boys for nothing, and never say a word about it.
+
+Drawing the sword from its sheath, Boldheart swore him to these
+conditions on its shining blade.  The prisoner wept bitterly, and
+appeared acutely to feel the errors of his past career.
+
+The captain then ordered his boat’s crew to make ready for a volley, and
+after firing to re-load quickly.  ‘And expect a score or two on ye to go
+head over heels,’ murmured William Boozey; ‘for I’m a-looking at ye.’
+With those words, the derisive though deadly William took a good aim.
+
+‘Fire!’
+
+The ringing voice of Boldheart was lost in the report of the guns and the
+screeching of the savages.  Volley after volley awakened the numerous
+echoes.  Hundreds of savages were killed, hundreds wounded, and thousands
+ran howling into the woods.  The Latin-grammar master had a spare
+night-cap lent him, and a long-tail coat, which he wore hind side before.
+He presented a ludicrous though pitiable appearance, and serve him right.
+
+We now find Capt. Boldheart, with this rescued wretch on board, standing
+off for other islands.  At one of these, not a cannibal island, but a
+pork and vegetable one, he married (only in fun on his part) the king’s
+daughter.  Here he rested some time, receiving from the natives great
+quantities of precious stones, gold dust, elephants’ teeth, and sandal
+wood, and getting very rich.  This, too, though he almost every day made
+presents of enormous value to his men.
+
+The ship being at length as full as she could hold of all sorts of
+valuable things, Boldheart gave orders to weigh the anchor, and turn ‘The
+Beauty’s’ head towards England.  These orders were obeyed with three
+cheers; and ere the sun went down full many a hornpipe had been danced on
+deck by the uncouth though agile William.
+
+We next find Capt. Boldheart about three leagues off Madeira, surveying
+through his spy-glass a stranger of suspicious appearance making sail
+towards him.  On his firing a gun ahead of her to bring her to, she ran
+up a flag, which he instantly recognised as the flag from the mast in the
+back-garden at home.
+
+Inferring from this, that his father had put to sea to seek his long-lost
+son, the captain sent his own boat on board the stranger to inquire if
+this was so, and, if so, whether his father’s intentions were strictly
+honourable.  The boat came back with a present of greens and fresh meat,
+and reported that the stranger was ‘The Family,’ of twelve hundred tons,
+and had not only the captain’s father on board, but also his mother, with
+the majority of his aunts and uncles, and all his cousins.  It was
+further reported to Boldheart that the whole of these relations had
+expressed themselves in a becoming manner, and were anxious to embrace
+him and thank him for the glorious credit he had done them.  Boldheart at
+once invited them to breakfast next morning on board ‘The Beauty,’ and
+gave orders for a brilliant ball that should last all day.
+
+It was in the course of the night that the captain discovered the
+hopelessness of reclaiming the Latin-grammar master.  That thankless
+traitor was found out, as the two ships lay near each other,
+communicating with ‘The Family’ by signals, and offering to give up
+Boldheart.  He was hanged at the yard-arm the first thing in the morning,
+after having it impressively pointed out to him by Boldheart that this
+was what spiters came to.
+
+The meeting between the captain and his parents was attended with tears.
+His uncles and aunts would have attended their meeting with tears too,
+but he wasn’t going to stand that.  His cousins were very much astonished
+by the size of his ship and the discipline of his men, and were greatly
+overcome by the splendour of his uniform.  He kindly conducted them round
+the vessel, and pointed out everything worthy of notice.  He also fired
+his hundred guns, and found it amusing to witness their alarm.
+
+The entertainment surpassed everything ever seen on board ship, and
+lasted from ten in the morning until seven the next morning.  Only one
+disagreeable incident occurred.  Capt. Boldheart found himself obliged to
+put his cousin Tom in irons, for being disrespectful.  On the boy’s
+promising amendment, however, he was humanely released after a few hours’
+close confinement.
+
+Boldheart now took his mother down into the great cabin, and asked after
+the young lady with whom, it was well known to the world, he was in love.
+His mother replied that the object of his affections was then at school
+at Margate, for the benefit of sea-bathing (it was the month of
+September), but that she feared the young lady’s friends were still
+opposed to the union.  Boldheart at once resolved, if necessary, to
+bombard the town.
+
+Taking the command of his ship with this intention, and putting all but
+fighting men on board ‘The Family,’ with orders to that vessel to keep in
+company, Boldheart soon anchored in Margate Roads.  Here he went ashore
+well-armed, and attended by his boat’s crew (at their head the faithful
+though ferocious William), and demanded to see the mayor, who came out of
+his office.
+
+‘Dost know the name of yon ship, mayor?’ asked Boldheart fiercely.
+
+‘No,’ said the mayor, rubbing his eyes, which he could scarce believe,
+when he saw the goodly vessel riding at anchor.
+
+‘She is named “The Beauty,”’ said the captain.
+
+‘Hah!’ exclaimed the mayor, with a start.  ‘And you, then, are Capt.
+Boldheart?’
+
+‘The same.’
+
+A pause ensued.  The mayor trembled.
+
+‘Now, mayor,’ said the captain, ‘choose!  Help me to my bride, or be
+bombarded.’
+
+The mayor begged for two hours’ grace, in which to make inquiries
+respecting the young lady.  Boldheart accorded him but one; and during
+that one placed William Boozey sentry over him, with a drawn sword, and
+instructions to accompany him wherever he went, and to run him through
+the body if he showed a sign of playing false.
+
+At the end of the hour the mayor re-appeared more dead than alive,
+closely waited on by Boozey more alive than dead.
+
+‘Captain,’ said the mayor, ‘I have ascertained that the young lady is
+going to bathe.  Even now she waits her turn for a machine.  The tide is
+low, though rising.  I, in one of our town-boats, shall not be suspected.
+When she comes forth in her bathing-dress into the shallow water from
+behind the hood of the machine, my boat shall intercept her and prevent
+her return.  Do you the rest.’
+
+‘Mayor,’ returned Capt. Boldheart, ‘thou hast saved thy town.’
+
+The captain then signalled his boat to take him off, and, steering her
+himself, ordered her crew to row towards the bathing-ground, and there to
+rest upon their oars.  All happened as had been arranged.  His lovely
+bride came forth, the mayor glided in behind her, she became confused,
+and had floated out of her depth, when, with one skilful touch of the
+rudder and one quivering stroke from the boat’s crew, her adoring
+Boldheart held her in his strong arms.  There her shrieks of terror were
+changed to cries of joy.
+
+Before ‘The Beauty’ could get under way, the hoisting of all the flags in
+the town and harbour, and the ringing of all the bells, announced to the
+brave Boldheart that he had nothing to fear.  He therefore determined to
+be married on the spot, and signalled for a clergyman and clerk, who came
+off promptly in a sailing-boat named ‘The Skylark.’  Another great
+entertainment was then given on board ‘The Beauty,’ in the midst of which
+the mayor was called out by a messenger.  He returned with the news that
+government had sent down to know whether Capt. Boldheart, in
+acknowledgment of the great services he had done his country by being a
+pirate, would consent to be made a lieutenant-colonel.  For himself he
+would have spurned the worthless boon; but his bride wished it, and he
+consented.
+
+Only one thing further happened before the good ship ‘Family’ was
+dismissed, with rich presents to all on board.  It is painful to record
+(but such is human nature in some cousins) that Capt. Boldheart’s
+unmannerly Cousin Tom was actually tied up to receive three dozen with a
+rope’s end ‘for cheekiness and making game,’ when Capt. Boldheart’s lady
+begged for him, and he was spared.  ‘The Beauty’ then refitted, and the
+captain and his bride departed for the Indian Ocean to enjoy themselves
+for evermore.
+
+
+
+
+PART IV.
+ROMANCE FROM THE PEN OF MISS NETTIE ASHFORD {274}
+
+
+THERE is a country, which I will show you when I get into maps, where the
+children have everything their own way.  It is a most delightful country
+to live in.  The grown-up people are obliged to obey the children, and
+are never allowed to sit up to supper, except on their birthdays.  The
+children order them to make jam and jelly and marmalade, and tarts and
+pies and puddings, and all manner of pastry.  If they say they won’t,
+they are put in the corner till they do.  They are sometimes allowed to
+have some; but when they have some, they generally have powders given
+them afterwards.
+
+One of the inhabitants of this country, a truly sweet young creature of
+the name of Mrs. Orange, had the misfortune to be sadly plagued by her
+numerous family.  Her parents required a great deal of looking after, and
+they had connections and companions who were scarcely ever out of
+mischief.  So Mrs. Orange said to herself, ‘I really cannot be troubled
+with these torments any longer: I must put them all to school.’
+
+Mrs. Orange took off her pinafore, and dressed herself very nicely, and
+took up her baby, and went out to call upon another lady of the name of
+Mrs. Lemon, who kept a preparatory establishment.  Mrs. Orange stood upon
+the scraper to pull at the bell, and give a ring-ting-ting.
+
+Mrs. Lemon’s neat little housemaid, pulling up her socks as she came
+along the passage, answered the ring-ting-ting.
+
+‘Good-morning,’ said Mrs. Orange.  ‘Fine day.  How do you do?  Mrs. Lemon
+at home!’
+
+‘Yes, ma’am.’
+
+‘Will you say Mrs. Orange and baby?’
+
+‘Yes, ma’am.  Walk in.’
+
+Mrs. Orange’s baby was a very fine one, and real wax all over.  Mrs.
+Lemon’s baby was leather and bran.  However, when Mrs. Lemon came into
+the drawing-room with her baby in her arms, Mrs. Orange said politely,
+‘Good-morning.  Fine day.  How do you do?  And how is little
+Tootleumboots?’
+
+‘Well, she is but poorly.  Cutting her teeth, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Lemon.
+
+‘O, indeed, ma’am!’ said Mrs. Orange.  ‘No fits, I hope?’
+
+‘No, ma’am.’
+
+‘How many teeth has she, ma’am?’
+
+‘Five, ma’am.’
+
+‘My Emilia, ma’am, has eight,’ said Mrs. Orange.  ‘Shall we lay them on
+the mantelpiece side by side, while we converse?’
+
+‘By all means, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Lemon.  ‘Hem!’
+
+‘The first question is, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Orange, ‘I don’t bore you?’
+
+‘Not in the least, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Lemon.  ‘Far from it, I assure you.’
+
+‘Then pray _have_ you,’ said Mrs. Orange,—‘_have_ you any vacancies?’
+
+‘Yes, ma’am.  How many might you require?’
+
+‘Why, the truth is, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Orange, ‘I have come to the
+conclusion that my children,’—O, I forgot to say that they call the
+grown-up people children in that country!—‘that my children are getting
+positively too much for me.  Let me see.  Two parents, two intimate
+friends of theirs, one godfather, two godmothers, and an aunt.  _Have_
+you as many as eight vacancies?’
+
+‘I have just eight, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Lemon.
+
+‘Most fortunate!  Terms moderate, I think?’
+
+‘Very moderate, ma’am.’
+
+‘Diet good, I believe?’
+
+‘Excellent, ma’am.’
+
+‘Unlimited?’
+
+‘Unlimited.’
+
+‘Most satisfactory!  Corporal punishment dispensed with?’
+
+‘Why, we do occasionally shake,’ said Mrs. Lemon, ‘and we have slapped.
+But only in extreme cases.’
+
+‘_Could_ I, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Orange,—‘_could_ I see the establishment?’
+
+‘With the greatest of pleasure, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Lemon.
+
+Mrs. Lemon took Mrs. Orange into the schoolroom, where there were a
+number of pupils.  ‘Stand up, children,’ said Mrs. Lemon; and they all
+stood up.
+
+Mrs. Orange whispered to Mrs. Lemon, ‘There is a pale, bald child, with
+red whiskers, in disgrace.  Might I ask what he has done?’
+
+‘Come here, White,’ said Mrs. Lemon, ‘and tell this lady what you have
+been doing.’
+
+‘Betting on horses,’ said White sulkily.
+
+‘Are you sorry for it, you naughty child?’ said Mrs. Lemon.
+
+‘No,’ said White.  ‘Sorry to lose, but shouldn’t be sorry to win.’
+
+‘There’s a vicious boy for you, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Lemon.  ‘Go along with
+you, sir.  This is Brown, Mrs. Orange.  O, a sad case, Brown’s!  Never
+knows when he has had enough.  Greedy.  How is your gout, sir?’
+
+‘Bad,’ said Brown.
+
+‘What else can you expect?’ said Mrs. Lemon.  ‘Your stomach is the size
+of two.  Go and take exercise directly.  Mrs. Black, come here to me.
+Now, here is a child, Mrs. Orange, ma’am, who is always at play.  She
+can’t be kept at home a single day together; always gadding about and
+spoiling her clothes.  Play, play, play, play, from morning to night, and
+to morning again.  How can she expect to improve?’
+
+‘Don’t expect to improve,’ sulked Mrs. Black.  ‘Don’t want to.’
+
+‘There is a specimen of her temper, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Lemon.  ‘To see her
+when she is tearing about, neglecting everything else, you would suppose
+her to be at least good-humoured.  But bless you! ma’am, she is as pert
+and flouncing a minx as ever you met with in all your days!’
+
+‘You must have a great deal of trouble with them, ma’am,’ said Mrs.
+Orange.
+
+‘Ah, I have, indeed, ma’am!’ said Mrs. Lemon.  ‘What with their tempers,
+what with their quarrels, what with their never knowing what’s good for
+them, and what with their always wanting to domineer, deliver me from
+these unreasonable children!’
+
+‘Well, I wish you good-morning, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Orange.
+
+‘Well, I wish you good-morning, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Lemon.
+
+So Mrs. Orange took up her baby and went home, and told the family that
+plagued her so that they were all going to be sent to school.  They said
+they didn’t want to go to school; but she packed up their boxes, and
+packed them off.
+
+‘O dear me, dear me!  Rest and be thankful!’ said Mrs. Orange, throwing
+herself back in her little arm-chair.  ‘Those troublesome troubles are
+got rid of, please the pigs!’
+
+Just then another lady, named Mrs. Alicumpaine, came calling at the
+street-door with a ring-ting-ting.
+
+‘My dear Mrs. Alicumpaine,’ said Mrs. Orange, ‘how do you do?  Pray stay
+to dinner.  We have but a simple joint of sweet-stuff, followed by a
+plain dish of bread and treacle; but, if you will take us as you find us,
+it will be _so_ kind!’
+
+‘Don’t mention it,’ said Mrs. Alicumpaine.  ‘I shall be too glad.  But
+what do you think I have come for, ma’am?  Guess, ma’am.’
+
+‘I really cannot guess, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Orange.
+
+‘Why, I am going to have a small juvenile party to-night,’ said Mrs.
+Alicumpaine; ‘and if you and Mr. Orange and baby would but join us, we
+should be complete.’
+
+‘More than charmed, I am sure!’ said Mrs. Orange.
+
+‘So kind of you!’ said Mrs. Alicumpaine.  ‘But I hope the children won’t
+bore you?’
+
+‘Dear things!  Not at all,’ said Mrs. Orange.  ‘I dote upon them.’
+
+Mr. Orange here came home from the city; and he came, too, with a
+ring-ting-ting.
+
+‘James love,’ said Mrs. Orange, ‘you look tired.  What has been doing in
+the city to-day?’
+
+‘Trap, bat, and ball, my dear,’ said Mr. Orange, ‘and it knocks a man
+up.’
+
+‘That dreadfully anxious city, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Orange to Mrs.
+Alicumpaine; ‘so wearing, is it not?’
+
+‘O, so trying!’ said Mrs. Alicumpaine.  ‘John has lately been speculating
+in the peg-top ring; and I often say to him at night, “John, _is_ the
+result worth the wear and tear?”’
+
+Dinner was ready by this time: so they sat down to dinner; and while Mr.
+Orange carved the joint of sweet-stuff, he said, ‘It’s a poor heart that
+never rejoices.  Jane, go down to the cellar, and fetch a bottle of the
+Upest ginger-beer.’
+
+At tea-time, Mr. and Mrs. Orange, and baby, and Mrs. Alicumpaine went off
+to Mrs. Alicumpaine’s house.  The children had not come yet; but the
+ball-room was ready for them, decorated with paper flowers.
+
+‘How very sweet!’ said Mrs. Orange.  ‘The dear things!  How pleased they
+will be!’
+
+‘I don’t care for children myself,’ said Mr. Orange, gaping.
+
+‘Not for girls?’ said Mrs. Alicumpaine.  ‘Come! you care for girls?’
+
+Mr. Orange shook his head, and gaped again.  ‘Frivolous and vain, ma’am.’
+
+‘My dear James,’ cried Mrs. Orange, who had been peeping about, ‘do look
+here.  Here’s the supper for the darlings, ready laid in the room behind
+the folding-doors.  Here’s their little pickled salmon, I do declare!
+And here’s their little salad, and their little roast beef and fowls, and
+their little pastry, and their wee, wee, wee champagne!’
+
+‘Yes, I thought it best, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Alicumpaine, ‘that they should
+have their supper by themselves.  Our table is in the corner here, where
+the gentlemen can have their wineglass of negus, and their egg-sandwich,
+and their quiet game at beggar-my-neighbour, and look on.  As for us,
+ma’am, we shall have quite enough to do to manage the company.’
+
+‘O, indeed, you may say so!  Quite enough, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Orange.
+
+The company began to come.  The first of them was a stout boy, with a
+white top-knot and spectacles.  The housemaid brought him in and said,
+‘Compliments, and at what time was he to be fetched!’  Mrs. Alicumpaine
+said, ‘Not a moment later than ten.  How do you do, sir?  Go and sit
+down.’  Then a number of other children came; boys by themselves, and
+girls by themselves, and boys and girls together.  They didn’t behave at
+all well.  Some of them looked through quizzing-glasses at others, and
+said, ‘Who are those?  Don’t know them.’  Some of them looked through
+quizzing-glasses at others, and said, ‘How do?’  Some of them had cups of
+tea or coffee handed to them by others, and said, ‘Thanks; much!’  A good
+many boys stood about, and felt their shirt-collars.  Four tiresome fat
+boys _would_ stand in the doorway, and talk about the newspapers, till
+Mrs. Alicumpaine went to them and said, ‘My dears, I really cannot allow
+you to prevent people from coming in.  I shall be truly sorry to do it;
+but, if you put yourself in everybody’s way, I must positively send you
+home.’  One boy, with a beard and a large white waistcoat, who stood
+straddling on the hearth-rug warming his coat-tails, _was_ sent home.
+‘Highly incorrect, my dear,’ said Mrs. Alicumpaine, handing him out of
+the room, ‘and I cannot permit it.’
+
+There was a children’s band,—harp, cornet, and piano,—and Mrs.
+Alicumpaine and Mrs. Orange bustled among the children to persuade them
+to take partners and dance.  But they were so obstinate!  For quite a
+long time they would not be persuaded to take partners and dance.  Most
+of the boys said, ‘Thanks; much!  But not at present.’  And most of the
+rest of the boys said, ‘Thanks; much!  But never do.’
+
+‘O, these children are very wearing!’ said Mrs. Alicumpaine to Mrs.
+Orange.
+
+‘Dear things!  I dote upon them; but they ARE wearing,’ said Mrs. Orange
+to Mrs. Alicumpaine.
+
+At last they did begin in a slow and melancholy way to slide about to the
+music; though even then they wouldn’t mind what they were told, but would
+have this partner, and wouldn’t have that partner, and showed temper
+about it.  And they wouldn’t smile,—no, not on any account they wouldn’t;
+but, when the music stopped, went round and round the room in dismal
+twos, as if everybody else was dead.
+
+‘O, it’s very hard indeed to get these vexing children to be
+entertained!’ said Mrs. Alicumpaine to Mrs. Orange.
+
+‘I dote upon the darlings; but it is hard,’ said Mrs. Orange to Mrs.
+Alicumpaine.
+
+They were trying children, that’s the truth.  First, they wouldn’t sing
+when they were asked; and then, when everybody fully believed they
+wouldn’t, they would.  ‘If you serve us so any more, my love,’ said Mrs.
+Alicumpaine to a tall child, with a good deal of white back, in mauve
+silk trimmed with lace, ‘it will be my painful privilege to offer you a
+bed, and to send you to it immediately.’
+
+The girls were so ridiculously dressed, too, that they were in rags
+before supper.  How could the boys help treading on their trains?  And
+yet when their trains were trodden on, they often showed temper again,
+and looked as black, they did!  However, they all seemed to be pleased
+when Mrs. Alicumpaine said, ‘Supper is ready, children!’  And they went
+crowding and pushing in, as if they had had dry bread for dinner.
+
+‘How are the children getting on?’ said Mr. Orange to Mrs. Orange, when
+Mrs. Orange came to look after baby.  Mrs. Orange had left baby on a
+shelf near Mr. Orange while he played at beggar-my-neighbour, and had
+asked him to keep his eye upon her now and then.
+
+‘Most charmingly, my dear!’ said Mrs. Orange.  ‘So droll to see their
+little flirtations and jealousies!  Do come and look!’
+
+‘Much obliged to you, my dear,’ said Mr. Orange; ‘but I don’t care about
+children myself.’
+
+So Mrs. Orange, having seen that baby was safe, went back without Mr.
+Orange to the room where the children were having supper.
+
+‘What are they doing now?’ said Mrs. Orange to Mrs. Alicumpaine.
+
+‘They are making speeches, and playing at parliament,’ said Mrs.
+Alicumpaine to Mrs. Orange.
+
+On hearing this, Mrs. Orange set off once more back again to Mr. Orange,
+and said, ‘James dear, do come.  The children are playing at parliament.’
+
+‘Thank you, my dear,’ said Mr. Orange, ‘but I don’t care about parliament
+myself.’
+
+So Mrs. Orange went once again without Mr. Orange to the room where the
+children were having supper, to see them playing at parliament.  And she
+found some of the boys crying, ‘Hear, hear, hear!’ while other boys cried
+‘No, no!’ and others, ‘Question!’ ‘Spoke!’ and all sorts of nonsense that
+ever you heard.  Then one of those tiresome fat boys who had stopped the
+doorway told them he was on his legs (as if they couldn’t see that he
+wasn’t on his head, or on his anything else) to explain, and that, with
+the permission of his honourable friend, if he would allow him to call
+him so (another tiresome boy bowed), he would proceed to explain.  Then
+he went on for a long time in a sing-song (whatever he meant), did this
+troublesome fat boy, about that he held in his hand a glass; and about
+that he had come down to that house that night to discharge what he would
+call a public duty; and about that, on the present occasion, he would lay
+his hand (his other hand) upon his heart, and would tell honourable
+gentlemen that he was about to open the door to general approval.  Then
+he opened the door by saying, ‘To our hostess!’ and everybody else said
+‘To our hostess!’ and then there were cheers.  Then another tiresome boy
+started up in sing-song, and then half a dozen noisy and nonsensical boys
+at once.  But at last Mrs. Alicumpaine said, ‘I cannot have this din.
+Now, children, you have played at parliament very nicely; but parliament
+gets tiresome after a little while, and it’s time you left off, for you
+will soon be fetched.’
+
+After another dance (with more tearing to rags than before supper), they
+began to be fetched; and you will be very glad to be told that the
+tiresome fat boy who had been on his legs was walked off first without
+any ceremony.  When they were all gone, poor Mrs. Alicumpaine dropped
+upon a sofa, and said to Mrs. Orange, ‘These children will be the death
+of me at last, ma’am,—they will indeed!’
+
+‘I quite adore them, ma’am,’ said Mrs. Orange; ‘but they DO want
+variety.’
+
+Mr. Orange got his hat, and Mrs. Orange got her bonnet and her baby, and
+they set out to walk home.  They had to pass Mrs. Lemon’s preparatory
+establishment on their way.
+
+‘I wonder, James dear,’ said Mrs. Orange, looking up at the window,
+‘whether the precious children are asleep!’
+
+‘I don’t care much whether they are or not, myself,’ said Mr. Orange.
+
+‘James dear!’
+
+‘You dote upon them, you know,’ said Mr. Orange.  ‘That’s another thing.’
+
+‘I do,’ said Mrs. Orange rapturously.  ‘O, I DO!’
+
+‘I don’t,’ said Mr. Orange.
+
+‘But I was thinking, James love,’ said Mrs. Orange, pressing his arm,
+‘whether our dear, good, kind Mrs. Lemon would like them to stay the
+holidays with her.’
+
+‘If she was paid for it, I daresay she would,’ said Mr. Orange.
+
+‘I adore them, James,’ said Mrs. Orange, ‘but SUPPOSE we pay her, then!’
+
+This was what brought that country to such perfection, and made it such a
+delightful place to live in.  The grown-up people (that would be in other
+countries) soon left off being allowed any holidays after Mr. and Mrs.
+Orange tried the experiment; and the children (that would be in other
+countries) kept them at school as long as ever they lived, and made them
+do whatever they were told.
+
+
+
+
+FOOTNOTES
+
+
+{251}  Aged eight.
+
+{258}  Aged seven.
+
+{266}  Aged nine.
+
+{274}  Aged half-past six.
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOLIDAY ROMANCE ***
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will
+be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright
+law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works,
+so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the
+United States without permission and without paying copyright
+royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part
+of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm
+concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark,
+and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following
+the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use
+of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for
+copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very
+easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation
+of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project
+Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away--you may
+do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected
+by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark
+license, especially commercial redistribution.
+
+START: FULL LICENSE
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full
+Project Gutenberg-tm License available with this file or online at
+www.gutenberg.org/license.
+
+Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+
+1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or
+destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your
+possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a
+Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound
+by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the
+person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph
+1.E.8.
+
+1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
+paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this
+agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the
+Foundation" or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection
+of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual
+works in the collection are in the public domain in the United
+States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the
+United States and you are located in the United States, we do not
+claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing,
+displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as
+all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope
+that you will support the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting
+free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm
+works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the
+Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with the work. You can easily
+comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the
+same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg-tm License when
+you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are
+in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States,
+check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this
+agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing,
+distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any
+other Project Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no
+representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any
+country other than the United States.
+
+1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other
+immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear
+prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work
+on which the phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed,
+performed, viewed, copied or distributed:
+
+  This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
+  most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no
+  restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it
+  under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this
+  eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the
+  United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where
+  you are located before using this eBook.
+
+1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is
+derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not
+contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the
+copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in
+the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are
+redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply
+either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or
+obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg-tm
+trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any
+additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms
+will be linked to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works
+posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the
+beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including
+any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access
+to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format
+other than "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official
+version posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm website
+(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense
+to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means
+of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original "Plain
+Vanilla ASCII" or other form. Any alternate format must include the
+full Project Gutenberg-tm License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+provided that:
+
+* You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+  the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+  you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed
+  to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he has
+  agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project
+  Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid
+  within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are
+  legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty
+  payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project
+  Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in
+  Section 4, "Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg
+  Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+* You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+  you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+  does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+  License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all
+  copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue
+  all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg-tm
+  works.
+
+* You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of
+  any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+  electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of
+  receipt of the work.
+
+* You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+  distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work or group of works on different terms than
+are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing
+from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of
+the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the Foundation as set
+forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project
+Gutenberg-tm collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may
+contain "Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate
+or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
+intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or
+other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or
+cannot be read by your equipment.
+
+1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium
+with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you
+with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in
+lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person
+or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second
+opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If
+the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing
+without further opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO
+OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT
+LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of
+damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement
+violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the
+agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or
+limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or
+unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the
+remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in
+accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the
+production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses,
+including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of
+the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this
+or any Project Gutenberg-tm work, (b) alteration, modification, or
+additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any
+Defect you cause.
+
+Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of
+computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It
+exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations
+from people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future
+generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see
+Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at
+www.gutenberg.org
+
+Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by
+U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's business office is located at 809 North 1500 West,
+Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up
+to date contact information can be found at the Foundation's website
+and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
+
+Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without
+widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND
+DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular
+state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To
+donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate
+
+Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm concept of a library of electronic works that could be
+freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and
+distributed Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of
+volunteer support.
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in
+the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not
+necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper
+edition.
+
+Most people start at our website which has the main PG search
+facility: www.gutenberg.org
+
+This website includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
+
diff --git a/809-0.zip b/809-0.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6e99e24
--- /dev/null
+++ b/809-0.zip
diff --git a/809-h.zip b/809-h.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b17a831
--- /dev/null
+++ b/809-h.zip
diff --git a/809-h/809-h.htm b/809-h/809-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e25eedf
--- /dev/null
+++ b/809-h/809-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,2106 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en">
+<head>
+<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=utf-8" />
+<meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" />
+<title>The Project Gutenberg Book of Holiday Romance, by Charles Dickens</title>
+
+<style type="text/css">
+
+    P {  margin-top: .75em;
+         margin-bottom: .75em;
+         }
+    P.gutsumm { margin-left: 5%;}
+    P.poetry {margin-left: 3%; }
+    .GutSmall { font-size: 0.7em; }
+    H1, H2 {
+         text-align: center;
+		margin-top: 2em;
+		margin-bottom: 2em;
+         }
+    H3, H4, H5 {
+	text-align: center;
+	margin-top: 1em;
+	margin-bottom: 1em;
+	}
+    BODY{margin-left: 10%;
+         margin-right: 10%;
+        }
+ table { border-collapse: collapse; }
+table {margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto;}
+    td { vertical-align: top; border: 1px solid black;}
+    td p { margin: 0.2em; }
+    .blkquot  {margin-left: 4em; margin-right: 4em;} /* block indent */
+
+    .smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
+
+    .pagenum {position: absolute;
+               left: 92%;
+               font-size: small;
+               text-align: right;
+		font-weight: normal;
+               color: gray;
+               }
+    img { border: none; }
+    img.dc { float: left; width: 50px; height: 50px; }
+    p.gutindent { margin-left: 2em; }
+    div.gapspace { height: 0.8em; }
+    div.gapline { height: 0.8em; width: 100%; border-top: 1px solid;} 
+    div.gapmediumline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%;
+                  border-top: 1px solid; }
+    div.gapmediumdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%;
+		  border-top: 1px solid; border-bottom: 1px solid;}
+     div.gapshortdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%;
+                  margin-left: 40%; border-top: 1px solid;
+                  border-bottom: 1px solid; }
+    div.gapdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 50%;
+                  margin-left: 25%; border-top: 1px solid;
+                  border-bottom: 1px solid;}
+    div.gapshortline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%; margin-left:40%;
+		  border-top: 1px solid; }
+    .citation {vertical-align: super;
+               font-size: .8em;
+               text-decoration: none;}
+    img.floatleft { float: left;
+			margin-right: 1em;
+			margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; }
+    img.floatright { float: right;
+			margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0.5em;
+			margin-bottom: 0.5em; }
+    img.clearcenter {display: block;
+			margin-left: auto;
+			margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0.5em;
+			margin-bottom: 0.5em}
+
+    </style>
+</head>
+<body>
+
+<div style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Holiday Romance, by Charles Dickens</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
+most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
+of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
+at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you
+are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the
+country where you are located before using this eBook.
+</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Holiday Romance<br />
+In Four Parts</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Charles Dickens</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: February 7, 1997 [eBook #809]<br />
+[Most recently updated: June 8, 2021]</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: David Price</div>
+<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOLIDAY ROMANCE ***</div>
+
+<h1>HOLIDAY ROMANCE<br />
+In Four Parts</h1>
+
+<h2>PART I.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">INTRODUCTORY ROMANCE PROM THE PEN OF
+WILLIAM TINKLING, ESQ.</span> <a name="citation251"></a><a
+href="#footnote251" class="citation">[251]</a></h2>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">This</span> beginning-part is not made out
+of anybody&rsquo;s head, you know. It&rsquo;s real.
+You must believe this beginning-part more than what comes after,
+else you won&rsquo;t understand how what comes after came to be
+written. You must believe it all; but you must believe this
+most, please. I am the editor of it. Bob Redforth
+(he&rsquo;s my cousin, and shaking the table on purpose) wanted
+to be the editor of it; but I said he shouldn&rsquo;t because he
+couldn&rsquo;t. <i>He</i> has no idea of being an
+editor.</p>
+<p>Nettie Ashford is my bride. We were married in the
+right-hand closet in the corner of the dancing-school, where
+first we met, with a ring (a green one) from Wilkingwater&rsquo;s
+toy-shop. <i>I</i> owed for it out of my
+pocket-money. When the rapturous ceremony was over, we all
+four went up the lane and let off a cannon (brought loaded in Bob
+Redforth&rsquo;s waistcoat-pocket) to announce our
+nuptials. It flew right up when it went off, and turned
+over. Next day, Lieut.-Col. Robin Redforth was united, with
+similar ceremonies, to Alice Rainbird. This time the cannon
+burst with a most terrific explosion, and made a puppy bark.</p>
+<p>My peerless bride was, at the period of which we now treat, in
+captivity at Miss Grimmer&rsquo;s. Drowvey and Grimmer is
+the partnership, and opinion is divided which is the greatest
+beast. The lovely bride of the colonel was also immured in
+the dungeons of the same establishment. A vow was entered
+into, between the colonel and myself, that we would cut them out
+on the following Wednesday when walking two and two.</p>
+<p>Under the desperate circumstances of the case, the active
+brain of the colonel, combining with his lawless pursuit (he is a
+pirate), suggested an attack with fireworks. This, however,
+from motives of humanity, was abandoned as too expensive.</p>
+<p>Lightly armed with a paper-knife buttoned up under his jacket,
+and waving the dreaded black flag at the end of a cane, the
+colonel took command of me at two <span
+class="GutSmall">P.M.</span> on the eventful and appointed
+day. He had drawn out the plan of attack on a piece of
+paper, which was rolled up round a hoop-stick. He showed it
+to me. My position and my full-length portrait (but my real
+ears don&rsquo;t stick out horizontal) was behind a corner
+lamp-post, with written orders to remain there till I should see
+Miss Drowvey fall. The Drowvey who was to fall was the one
+in spectacles, not the one with the large lavender bonnet.
+At that signal I was to rush forth, seize my bride, and fight my
+way to the lane. There a junction would be effected between
+myself and the colonel; and putting our brides behind us, between
+ourselves and the palings, we were to conquer or die.</p>
+<p>The enemy appeared,&mdash;approached. Waving his black
+flag, the colonel attacked. Confusion ensued.
+Anxiously I awaited my signal; but my signal came not. So
+far from falling, the hated Drowvey in spectacles appeared to me
+to have muffled the colonel&rsquo;s head in his outlawed banner,
+and to be pitching into him with a parasol. The one in the
+lavender bonnet also performed prodigies of valour with her fists
+on his back. Seeing that all was for the moment lost, I
+fought my desperate way hand to hand to the lane. Through
+taking the back road, I was so fortunate as to meet nobody, and
+arrived there uninterrupted.</p>
+<p>It seemed an age ere the colonel joined me. He had been
+to the jobbing tailor&rsquo;s to be sewn up in several places,
+and attributed our defeat to the refusal of the detested Drowvey
+to fall. Finding her so obstinate, he had said to her,
+&lsquo;Die, recreant!&rsquo; but had found her no more open to
+reason on that point than the other.</p>
+<p>My blooming bride appeared, accompanied by the colonel&rsquo;s
+bride, at the dancing-school next day. What? Was her
+face averted from me? Hah? Even so. With a look
+of scorn, she put into my hand a bit of paper, and took another
+partner. On the paper was pencilled, &lsquo;Heavens!
+Can I write the word? Is my husband a cow?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>In the first bewilderment of my heated brain, I tried to think
+what slanderer could have traced my family to the ignoble animal
+mentioned above. Vain were my endeavours. At the end
+of that dance I whispered the colonel to come into the
+cloak-room, and I showed him the note.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;There is a syllable wanting,&rsquo; said he, with a
+gloomy brow.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Hah! What syllable?&rsquo; was my inquiry.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;She asks, can she write the word? And no; you see
+she couldn&rsquo;t,&rsquo; said the colonel, pointing out the
+passage.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;And the word was?&rsquo; said I.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Cow&mdash;cow&mdash;coward,&rsquo; hissed the
+pirate-colonel in my ear, and gave me back the note.</p>
+<p>Feeling that I must for ever tread the earth a branded
+boy,&mdash;person I mean,&mdash;or that I must clear up my
+honour, I demanded to be tried by a court-martial. The
+colonel admitted my right to be tried. Some difficulty was
+found in composing the court, on account of the Emperor of
+France&rsquo;s aunt refusing to let him come out. He was to
+be the president. Ere yet we had appointed a substitute, he
+made his escape over the back-wall, and stood among us, a free
+monarch.</p>
+<p>The court was held on the grass by the pond. I
+recognised, in a certain admiral among my judges, my deadliest
+foe. A cocoa-nut had given rise to language that I could
+not brook; but confiding in my innocence, and also in the
+knowledge that the President of the United States (who sat next
+him) owed me a knife, I braced myself for the ordeal.</p>
+<p>It was a solemn spectacle, that court. Two executioners
+with pinafores reversed led me in. Under the shade of an
+umbrella I perceived my bride, supported by the bride of the
+pirate-colonel. The president, having reproved a little
+female ensign for tittering, on a matter of life or death, called
+upon me to plead, &lsquo;Coward or no coward, guilty or not
+guilty?&rsquo; I pleaded in a firm tone, &lsquo;No coward
+and not guilty.&rsquo; (The little female ensign being
+again reproved by the president for misconduct, mutinied, left
+the court, and threw stones.)</p>
+<p>My implacable enemy, the admiral, conducted the case against
+me. The colonel&rsquo;s bride was called to prove that I
+had remained behind the corner lamp-post during the
+engagement. I might have been spared the anguish of my own
+bride&rsquo;s being also made a witness to the same point, but
+the admiral knew where to wound me. Be still, my soul, no
+matter. The colonel was then brought forward with his
+evidence.</p>
+<p>It was for this point that I had saved myself up, as the
+turning-point of my case. Shaking myself free of my
+guards,&mdash;who had no business to hold me, the stupids, unless
+I was found guilty,&mdash;I asked the colonel what he considered
+the first duty of a soldier? Ere he could reply, the
+President of the United States rose and informed the court, that
+my foe, the admiral, had suggested &lsquo;Bravery,&rsquo; and
+that prompting a witness wasn&rsquo;t fair. The president
+of the court immediately ordered the admiral&rsquo;s mouth to be
+filled with leaves, and tied up with string. I had the
+satisfaction of seeing the sentence carried into effect before
+the proceedings went further.</p>
+<p>I then took a paper from my trousers-pocket, and asked,
+&lsquo;What do you consider, Col. Redford, the first duty
+of a soldier? Is it obedience?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;It is,&rsquo; said the colonel.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Is that paper&mdash;please to look at it&mdash;in your
+hand?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;It is,&rsquo; said the colonel.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Is it a military sketch?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;It is,&rsquo; said the colonel.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Of an engagement?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Quite so,&rsquo; said the colonel.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Of the late engagement?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Of the late engagement.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Please to describe it, and then hand it to the
+president of the court.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>From that triumphant moment my sufferings and my dangers were
+at an end. The court rose up and jumped, on discovering
+that I had strictly obeyed orders. My foe, the admiral, who
+though muzzled was malignant yet, contrived to suggest that I was
+dishonoured by having quitted the field. But the colonel
+himself had done as much, and gave his opinion, upon his word and
+honour as a pirate, that when all was lost the field might be
+quitted without disgrace. I was going to be found &lsquo;No
+coward and not guilty,&rsquo; and my blooming bride was going to
+be publicly restored to my arms in a procession, when an
+unlooked-for event disturbed the general rejoicing. This
+was no other than the Emperor of France&rsquo;s aunt catching
+hold of his hair. The proceedings abruptly terminated, and
+the court tumultuously dissolved.</p>
+<p>It was when the shades of the next evening but one were
+beginning to fall, ere yet the silver beams of Luna touched the
+earth, that four forms might have been descried slowly advancing
+towards the weeping willow on the borders of the pond, the now
+deserted scene of the day before yesterday&rsquo;s agonies and
+triumphs. On a nearer approach, and by a practised eye,
+these might have been identified as the forms of the
+pirate-colonel with his bride, and of the day before
+yesterday&rsquo;s gallant prisoner with his bride.</p>
+<p>On the beauteous faces of the Nymphs dejection sat
+enthroned. All four reclined under the willow for some
+minutes without speaking, till at length the bride of the colonel
+poutingly observed, &lsquo;It&rsquo;s of no use pretending any
+more, and we had better give it up.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Hah!&rsquo; exclaimed the pirate.
+&lsquo;Pretending?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Don&rsquo;t go on like that; you worry me,&rsquo;
+returned his bride.</p>
+<p>The lovely bride of Tinkling echoed the incredible
+declaration. The two warriors exchanged stony glances.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;If,&rsquo; said the bride of the pirate-colonel,
+&lsquo;grown-up people WON&rsquo;T do what they ought to do, and
+WILL put us out, what comes of our pretending?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;We only get into scrapes,&rsquo; said the bride of
+Tinkling.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;You know very well,&rsquo; pursued the colonel&rsquo;s
+bride, &lsquo;that Miss Drowvey wouldn&rsquo;t fall. You
+complained of it yourself. And you know how disgracefully
+the court-martial ended. As to our marriage; would my
+people acknowledge it at home?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Or would my people acknowledge ours?&rsquo; said the
+bride of Tinkling.</p>
+<p>Again the two warriors exchanged stony glances.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;If you knocked at the door and claimed me, after you
+were told to go away,&rsquo; said the colonel&rsquo;s bride,
+&lsquo;you would only have your hair pulled, or your ears, or
+your nose.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;If you persisted in ringing at the bell and claiming
+me,&rsquo; said the bride of Tinkling to that gentleman,
+&lsquo;you would have things dropped on your head from the window
+over the handle, or you would be played upon by the
+garden-engine.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;And at your own homes,&rsquo; resumed the bride of the
+colonel, &lsquo;it would be just as bad. You would be sent
+to bed, or something equally undignified. Again, how would
+you support us?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The pirate-colonel replied in a courageous voice, &lsquo;By
+rapine!&rsquo; But his bride retorted, &lsquo;Suppose the
+grown-up people wouldn&rsquo;t be rapined?&rsquo;
+&lsquo;Then,&rsquo; said the colonel, &lsquo;they should pay the
+penalty in blood.&rsquo;&mdash;&lsquo;But suppose they should
+object,&rsquo; retorted his bride, &lsquo;and wouldn&rsquo;t pay
+the penalty in blood or anything else?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>A mournful silence ensued.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Then do you no longer love me, Alice?&rsquo; asked the
+colonel.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Redforth! I am ever thine,&rsquo; returned his
+bride.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Then do you no longer love me, Nettie?&rsquo; asked the
+present writer.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Tinkling! I am ever thine,&rsquo; returned my
+bride.</p>
+<p>We all four embraced. Let me not be misunderstood by the
+giddy. The colonel embraced his own bride, and I embraced
+mine. But two times two make four.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Nettie and I,&rsquo; said Alice mournfully, &lsquo;have
+been considering our position. The grown-up people are too
+strong for us. They make us ridiculous. Besides, they
+have changed the times. William Tinkling&rsquo;s baby
+brother was christened yesterday. What took place?
+Was any king present? Answer, William.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>I said No, unless disguised as Great-uncle Chopper.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Any queen?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>There had been no queen that I knew of at our house.
+There might have been one in the kitchen: but I didn&rsquo;t
+think so, or the servants would have mentioned it.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Any fairies?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>None that were visible.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;We had an idea among us, I think,&rsquo; said Alice,
+with a melancholy smile, &lsquo;we four, that Miss Grimmer would
+prove to be the wicked fairy, and would come in at the
+christening with her crutch-stick, and give the child a bad
+gift. Was there anything of that sort? Answer,
+William.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>I said that ma had said afterwards (and so she had), that
+Great-uncle Chopper&rsquo;s gift was a shabby one; but she
+hadn&rsquo;t said a bad one. She had called it shabby,
+electrotyped, second-hand, and below his income.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;It must be the grown-up people who have changed all
+this,&rsquo; said Alice. &lsquo;<i>We</i> couldn&rsquo;t
+have changed it, if we had been so inclined, and we never should
+have been. Or perhaps Miss Grimmer <i>is</i> a wicked fairy
+after all, and won&rsquo;t act up to it because the grown-up
+people have persuaded her not to. Either way, they would
+make us ridiculous if we told them what we expected.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Tyrants!&rsquo; muttered the pirate-colonel.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Nay, my Redforth,&rsquo; said Alice, &lsquo;say not
+so. Call not names, my Redforth, or they will apply to
+pa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Let &rsquo;em,&rsquo; said the colonel. &lsquo;I
+do not care. Who&rsquo;s he?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Tinkling here undertook the perilous task of remonstrating
+with his lawless friend, who consented to withdraw the moody
+expressions above quoted.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;What remains for us to do?&rsquo; Alice went on in her
+mild, wise way. &lsquo;We must educate, we must pretend in
+a new manner, we must wait.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The colonel clenched his teeth,&mdash;four out in front, and a
+piece of another, and he had been twice dragged to the door of a
+dentist-despot, but had escaped from his guards. &lsquo;How
+educate? How pretend in a new manner? How
+wait?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Educate the grown-up people,&rsquo; replied
+Alice. &lsquo;We part to-night. Yes,
+Redforth,&rsquo;&mdash;for the colonel tucked up his
+cuffs,&mdash;&lsquo;part to-night! Let us in these next
+holidays, now going to begin, throw our thoughts into something
+educational for the grown-up people, hinting to them how things
+ought to be. Let us veil our meaning under a mask of
+romance; you, I, and Nettie. William Tinkling being the
+plainest and quickest writer, shall copy out. Is it
+agreed?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The colonel answered sulkily, &lsquo;I don&rsquo;t
+mind.&rsquo; He then asked, &lsquo;How about
+pretending?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;We will pretend,&rsquo; said Alice, &lsquo;that we are
+children; not that we are those grown-up people who won&rsquo;t
+help us out as they ought, and who understand us so
+badly.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The colonel, still much dissatisfied, growled, &lsquo;How
+about waiting?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;We will wait,&rsquo; answered little Alice, taking
+Nettie&rsquo;s hand in hers, and looking up to the sky, &lsquo;we
+will wait&mdash;ever constant and true&mdash;till the times have
+got so changed as that everything helps us out, and nothing makes
+us ridiculous, and the fairies have come back. We will
+wait&mdash;ever constant and true&mdash;till we are eighty,
+ninety, or one hundred. And then the fairies will send
+<i>us</i> children, and we will help them out, poor pretty little
+creatures, if they pretend ever so much.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;So we will, dear,&rsquo; said Nettie Ashford, taking
+her round the waist with both arms and kissing her.
+&lsquo;And now if my husband will go and buy some cherries for
+us, I have got some money.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>In the friendliest manner I invited the colonel to go with me;
+but he so far forgot himself as to acknowledge the invitation by
+kicking out behind, and then lying down on his stomach on the
+grass, pulling it up and chewing it. When I came back,
+however, Alice had nearly brought him out of his vexation, and
+was soothing him by telling him how soon we should all be
+ninety.</p>
+<p>As we sat under the willow-tree and ate the cherries (fair,
+for Alice shared them out), we played at being ninety.
+Nettie complained that she had a bone in her old back, and it
+made her hobble; and Alice sang a song in an old woman&rsquo;s
+way, but it was very pretty, and we were all merry. At
+least, I don&rsquo;t know about merry exactly, but all
+comfortable.</p>
+<p>There was a most tremendous lot of cherries; and Alice always
+had with her some neat little bag or box or case, to hold
+things. In it that night was a tiny wine-glass. So
+Alice and Nettie said they would make some cherry-wine to drink
+our love at parting.</p>
+<p>Each of us had a glassful, and it was delicious; and each of
+us drank the toast, &lsquo;Our love at parting.&rsquo; The
+colonel drank his wine last; and it got into my head directly
+that it got into his directly. Anyhow, his eyes rolled
+immediately after he had turned the glass upside down; and he
+took me on one side and proposed in a hoarse whisper, that we
+should &lsquo;Cut &lsquo;em out still.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;How did he mean?&rsquo; I asked my lawless friend.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Cut our brides out,&rsquo; said the colonel, &lsquo;and
+then cut our way, without going down a single turning, bang to
+the Spanish main!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>We might have tried it, though I didn&rsquo;t think it would
+answer; only we looked round and saw that there was nothing but
+moon-light under the willow-tree, and that our pretty, pretty
+wives were gone. We burst out crying. The colonel
+gave in second, and came to first; but he gave in strong.</p>
+<p>We were ashamed of our red eyes, and hung about for
+half-an-hour to whiten them. Likewise a piece of chalk
+round the rims, I doing the colonel&rsquo;s, and he mine, but
+afterwards found in the bedroom looking-glass not natural,
+besides inflammation. Our conversation turned on being
+ninety. The colonel told me he had a pair of boots that
+wanted soling and heeling; but he thought it hardly worth while
+to mention it to his father, as he himself should so soon be
+ninety, when he thought shoes would be more convenient. The
+colonel also told me, with his hand upon his hip, that he felt
+himself already getting on in life, and turning rheumatic.
+And I told him the same. And when they said at our house at
+supper (they are always bothering about something) that I
+stooped, I felt so glad!</p>
+<p>This is the end of the beginning-part that you were to believe
+most.</p>
+<h2>PART II.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">ROMANCE. FROM THE PEN OF MISS ALICE
+RAINBIRD</span> <a name="citation258"></a><a href="#footnote258"
+class="citation">[258]</a></h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">There</span> was once a king, and he had a
+queen; and he was the manliest of his sex, and she was the
+loveliest of hers. The king was, in his private profession,
+under government. The queen&rsquo;s father had been a
+medical man out of town.</p>
+<p>They had nineteen children, and were always having more.
+Seventeen of these children took care of the baby; and Alicia,
+the eldest, took care of them all. Their ages varied from
+seven years to seven months.</p>
+<p>Let us now resume our story.</p>
+<p>One day the king was going to the office, when he stopped at
+the fishmonger&rsquo;s to buy a pound and a half of salmon not
+too near the tail, which the queen (who was a careful
+housekeeper) had requested him to send home. Mr. Pickles,
+the fishmonger, said, &lsquo;Certainly, sir; is there any other
+article? Good-morning.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The king went on towards the office in a melancholy mood; for
+quarter-day was such a long way off, and several of the dear
+children were growing out of their clothes. He had not
+proceeded far, when Mr. Pickles&rsquo;s errand-boy came running
+after him, and said, &lsquo;Sir, you didn&rsquo;t notice the old
+lady in our shop.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;What old lady?&rsquo; inquired the king. &lsquo;I
+saw none.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Now the king had not seen any old lady, because this old lady
+had been invisible to him, though visible to Mr. Pickles&rsquo;s
+boy. Probably because he messed and splashed the water
+about to that degree, and flopped the pairs of soles down in that
+violent manner, that, if she had not been visible to him, he
+would have spoilt her clothes.</p>
+<p>Just then the old lady came trotting up. She was dressed
+in shot-silk of the richest quality, smelling of dried
+lavender.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;King Watkins the First, I believe?&rsquo; said the old
+lady.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Watkins,&rsquo; replied the king, &lsquo;is my
+name.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Papa, if I am not mistaken, of the beautiful Princess
+Alicia?&rsquo; said the old lady.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;And of eighteen other darlings,&rsquo; replied the
+king.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Listen. You are going to the office,&rsquo; said
+the old lady.</p>
+<p>It instantly flashed upon the king that she must be a fairy,
+or how could she know that?</p>
+<p>&lsquo;You are right,&rsquo; said the old lady, answering his
+thoughts. &lsquo;I am the good Fairy Grandmarina.
+Attend! When you return home to dinner, politely invite the
+Princess Alicia to have some of the salmon you bought just
+now.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;It may disagree with her,&rsquo; said the king.</p>
+<p>The old lady became so very angry at this absurd idea, that
+the king was quite alarmed, and humbly begged her pardon.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;We hear a great deal too much about this thing
+disagreeing, and that thing disagreeing,&rsquo; said the old
+lady, with the greatest contempt it was possible to
+express. &lsquo;Don&rsquo;t be greedy. I think you
+want it all yourself.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The king hung his head under this reproof, and said he
+wouldn&rsquo;t talk about things disagreeing any more.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Be good, then,&rsquo; said the Fairy Grandmarina,
+&lsquo;and don&rsquo;t. When the beautiful Princess Alicia
+consents to partake of the salmon,&mdash;as I think she
+will,&mdash;you will find she will leave a fish-bone on her
+plate. Tell her to dry it, and to rub it, and to polish it
+till it shines like mother-of-pearl, and to take care of it as a
+present from me.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Is that all?&rsquo; asked the king.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Don&rsquo;t be impatient, sir,&rsquo; returned the
+Fairy Grandmarina, scolding him severely.
+&lsquo;Don&rsquo;t catch people short, before they have done
+speaking. Just the way with you grown-up persons. You
+are always doing it.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The king again hung his head, and said he wouldn&rsquo;t do so
+any more.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Be good, then,&rsquo; said the Fairy Grandmarina,
+&lsquo;and don&rsquo;t! Tell the Princess Alicia, with my
+love, that the fish-bone is a magic present which can only be
+used once; but that it will bring her, that once, whatever she
+wishes for, <span class="GutSmall">PROVIDED SHE WISHES FOR IT AT
+THE RIGHT TIME</span>. That is the message. Take care
+of it.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The king was beginning, &lsquo;Might I ask the reason?&rsquo;
+when the fairy became absolutely furious.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;<i>Will</i> you be good, sir?&rsquo; she exclaimed,
+stamping her foot on the ground. &lsquo;The reason for
+this, and the reason for that, indeed! You are always
+wanting the reason. No reason. There! Hoity
+toity me! I am sick of your grown-up reasons.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The king was extremely frightened by the old lady&rsquo;s
+flying into such a passion, and said he was very sorry to have
+offended her, and he wouldn&rsquo;t ask for reasons any more.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Be good, then,&rsquo; said the old lady, &lsquo;and
+don&rsquo;t!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>With those words, Grandmarina vanished, and the king went on
+and on and on, till he came to the office. There he wrote
+and wrote and wrote, till it was time to go home again.
+Then he politely invited the Princess Alicia, as the fairy had
+directed him, to partake of the salmon. And when she had
+enjoyed it very much, he saw the fish-bone on her plate, as the
+fairy had told him he would, and he delivered the fairy&rsquo;s
+message, and the Princess Alicia took care to dry the bone, and
+to rub it, and to polish it, till it shone like
+mother-of-pearl.</p>
+<p>And so, when the queen was going to get up in the morning, she
+said, &lsquo;O, dear me, dear me; my head, my head!&rsquo; and
+then she fainted away.</p>
+<p>The Princess Alicia, who happened to be looking in at the
+chamber-door, asking about breakfast, was very much alarmed when
+she saw her royal mamma in this state, and she rang the bell for
+Peggy, which was the name of the lord chamberlain. But
+remembering where the smelling-bottle was, she climbed on a chair
+and got it; and after that she climbed on another chair by the
+bedside, and held the smelling-bottle to the queen&rsquo;s nose;
+and after that she jumped down and got some water; and after that
+she jumped up again and wetted the queen&rsquo;s forehead; and,
+in short, when the lord chamberlain came in, that dear old woman
+said to the little princess, &lsquo;What a trot you are! I
+couldn&rsquo;t have done it better myself!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>But that was not the worst of the good queen&rsquo;s
+illness. O, no! She was very ill indeed, for a long
+time. The Princess Alicia kept the seventeen young princes
+and princesses quiet, and dressed and undressed and danced the
+baby, and made the kettle boil, and heated the soup, and swept
+the hearth, and poured out the medicine, and nursed the queen,
+and did all that ever she could, and was as busy, busy, busy as
+busy could be; for there were not many servants at that palace
+for three reasons: because the king was short of money, because a
+rise in his office never seemed to come, and because quarter-day
+was so far off that it looked almost as far off and as little as
+one of the stars.</p>
+<p>But on the morning when the queen fainted away, where was the
+magic fish-bone? Why, there it was in the Princess
+Alicia&rsquo;s pocket! She had almost taken it out to bring
+the queen to life again, when she put it back, and looked for the
+smelling-bottle.</p>
+<p>After the queen had come out of her swoon that morning, and
+was dozing, the Princess Alicia hurried up-stairs to tell a most
+particular secret to a most particularly confidential friend of
+hers, who was a duchess. People did suppose her to be a
+doll; but she was really a duchess, though nobody knew it except
+the princess.</p>
+<p>This most particular secret was the secret about the magic
+fish-bone, the history of which was well known to the duchess,
+because the princess told her everything. The princess
+kneeled down by the bed on which the duchess was lying,
+full-dressed and wide awake, and whispered the secret to
+her. The duchess smiled and nodded. People might have
+supposed that she never smiled and nodded; but she often did,
+though nobody knew it except the princess.</p>
+<p>Then the Princess Alicia hurried down-stairs again, to keep
+watch in the queen&rsquo;s room. She often kept watch by
+herself in the queen&rsquo;s room; but every evening, while the
+illness lasted, she sat there watching with the king. And
+every evening the king sat looking at her with a cross look,
+wondering why she never brought out the magic fish-bone. As
+often as she noticed this, she ran up-stairs, whispered the
+secret to the duchess over again, and said to the duchess
+besides, &lsquo;They think we children never have a reason or a
+meaning!&rsquo; And the duchess, though the most
+fashionable duchess that ever was heard of, winked her eye.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Alicia,&rsquo; said the king, one evening, when she
+wished him good-night.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Yes, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;What is become of the magic fish-bone?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;In my pocket, papa!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I thought you had lost it?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;O, no, papa!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Or forgotten it?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;No, indeed, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>And so another time the dreadful little snapping pug-dog, next
+door, made a rush at one of the young princes as he stood on the
+steps coming home from school, and terrified him out of his wits;
+and he put his hand through a pane of glass, and bled, bled,
+bled. When the seventeen other young princes and princesses
+saw him bleed, bleed, bleed, they were terrified out of their
+wits too, and screamed themselves black in their seventeen faces
+all at once. But the Princess Alicia put her hands over all
+their seventeen mouths, one after another, and persuaded them to
+be quiet because of the sick queen. And then she put the
+wounded prince&rsquo;s hand in a basin of fresh cold water, while
+they stared with their twice seventeen are thirty-four, put down
+four and carry three, eyes, and then she looked in the hand for
+bits of glass, and there were fortunately no bits of glass
+there. And then she said to two chubby-legged princes, who
+were sturdy though small, &lsquo;Bring me in the royal rag-bag: I
+must snip and stitch and cut and contrive.&rsquo; So these
+two young princes tugged at the royal rag-bag, and lugged it in;
+and the Princess Alicia sat down on the floor, with a large pair
+of scissors and a needle and thread, and snipped and stitched and
+cut and contrived, and made a bandage, and put it on, and it
+fitted beautifully; and so when it was all done, she saw the king
+her papa looking on by the door.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Alicia.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Yes, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;What have you been doing?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Snipping, stitching, cutting, and contriving,
+papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Where is the magic fish-bone?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;In my pocket, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I thought you had lost it?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;O, no, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Or forgotten it?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;No, indeed, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>After that, she ran up-stairs to the duchess, and told her
+what had passed, and told her the secret over again; and the
+duchess shook her flaxen curls, and laughed with her rosy
+lips.</p>
+<p>Well! and so another time the baby fell under the grate.
+The seventeen young princes and princesses were used to it; for
+they were almost always falling under the grate or down the
+stairs; but the baby was not used to it yet, and it gave him a
+swelled face and a black eye. The way the poor little
+darling came to tumble was, that he was out of the Princess
+Alicia&rsquo;s lap just as she was sitting, in a great coarse
+apron that quite smothered her, in front of the kitchen-fire,
+beginning to peel the turnips for the broth for dinner; and the
+way she came to be doing that was, that the king&rsquo;s cook had
+run away that morning with her own true love, who was a very tall
+but very tipsy soldier. Then the seventeen young princes
+and princesses, who cried at everything that happened, cried and
+roared. But the Princess Alicia (who couldn&rsquo;t help
+crying a little herself) quietly called to them to be still, on
+account of not throwing back the queen up-stairs, who was fast
+getting well, and said, &lsquo;Hold your tongues, you wicked
+little monkeys, every one of you, while I examine
+baby!&rsquo; Then she examined baby, and found that he
+hadn&rsquo;t broken anything; and she held cold iron to his poor
+dear eye, and smoothed his poor dear face, and he presently fell
+asleep in her arms. Then she said to the seventeen princes
+and princesses, &lsquo;I am afraid to let him down yet, lest he
+should wake and feel pain; be good, and you shall all be
+cooks.&rsquo; They jumped for joy when they heard that, and
+began making themselves cooks&rsquo; caps out of old
+newspapers. So to one she gave the salt-box, and to one she
+gave the barley, and to one she gave the herbs, and to one she
+gave the turnips, and to one she gave the carrots, and to one she
+gave the onions, and to one she gave the spice-box, till they
+were all cooks, and all running about at work, she sitting in the
+middle, smothered in the great coarse apron, nursing baby.
+By and by the broth was done; and the baby woke up, smiling, like
+an angel, and was trusted to the sedatest princess to hold, while
+the other princes and princesses were squeezed into a far-off
+corner to look at the Princess Alicia turning out the saucepanful
+of broth, for fear (as they were always getting into trouble)
+they should get splashed and scalded. When the broth came
+tumbling out, steaming beautifully, and smelling like a nosegay
+good to eat, they clapped their hands. That made the baby
+clap his hands; and that, and his looking as if he had a comic
+toothache, made all the princes and princesses laugh. So
+the Princess Alicia said, &lsquo;Laugh and be good; and after
+dinner we will make him a nest on the floor in a corner, and he
+shall sit in his nest and see a dance of eighteen
+cooks.&rsquo; That delighted the young princes and
+princesses, and they ate up all the broth, and washed up all the
+plates and dishes, and cleared away, and pushed the table into a
+corner; and then they in their cooks&rsquo; caps, and the
+Princess Alicia in the smothering coarse apron that belonged to
+the cook that had run away with her own true love that was the
+very tall but very tipsy soldier, danced a dance of eighteen
+cooks before the angelic baby, who forgot his swelled face and
+his black eye, and crowed with joy.</p>
+<p>And so then, once more the Princess Alicia saw King Watkins
+the First, her father, standing in the doorway looking on, and he
+said, &lsquo;What have you been doing, Alicia?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Cooking and contriving, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;What else have you been doing, Alicia?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Keeping the children light-hearted, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Where is the magic fish-bone, Alicia?</p>
+<p>&lsquo;In my pocket, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I thought you had lost it?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;O, no, papa!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Or forgotten it?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;No, indeed, papa.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The king then sighed so heavily, and seemed so low-spirited,
+and sat down so miserably, leaning his head upon his hand, and
+his elbow upon the kitchen-table pushed away in the corner, that
+the seventeen princes and princesses crept softly out of the
+kitchen, and left him alone with the Princess Alicia and the
+angelic baby.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;What is the matter, papa?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I am dreadfully poor, my child.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Have you no money at all, papa?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;None, my child.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Is there no way of getting any, papa?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;No way,&rsquo; said the king. &lsquo;I have tried
+very hard, and I have tried all ways.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>When she heard those last words, the Princess Alicia began to
+put her hand into the pocket where she kept the magic
+fish-bone.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Papa,&rsquo; said she, &lsquo;when we have tried very
+hard, and tried all ways, we must have done our very, very
+best?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;No doubt, Alicia.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;When we have done our very, very best, papa, and that
+is not enough, then I think the right time must have come for
+asking help of others.&rsquo; This was the very secret
+connected with the magic fish-bone, which she had found out for
+herself from the good Fairy Grandmarina&rsquo;s words, and which
+she had so often whispered to her beautiful and fashionable
+friend, the duchess.</p>
+<p>So she took out of her pocket the magic fish-bone, that had
+been dried and rubbed and polished till it shone like
+mother-of-pearl; and she gave it one little kiss, and wished it
+was quarter-day. And immediately it <i>was</i> quarter-day;
+and the king&rsquo;s quarter&rsquo;s salary came rattling down
+the chimney, and bounced into the middle of the floor.</p>
+<p>But this was not half of what happened,&mdash;no, not a
+quarter; for immediately afterwards the good Fairy Grandmarina
+came riding in, in a carriage and four (peacocks), with Mr.
+Pickles&rsquo;s boy up behind, dressed in silver and gold, with a
+cocked-hat, powdered-hair, pink silk stockings, a jewelled cane,
+and a nosegay. Down jumped Mr. Pickles&rsquo;s boy, with
+his cocked-hat in his hand, and wonderfully polite (being
+entirely changed by enchantment), and handed Grandmarina out; and
+there she stood, in her rich shot-silk smelling of dried
+lavender, fanning herself with a sparkling fan.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Alicia, my dear,&rsquo; said this charming old fairy,
+&lsquo;how do you do? I hope I see you pretty well?
+Give me a kiss.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The Princess Alicia embraced her; and then Grandmarina turned
+to the king, and said rather sharply, &lsquo;Are you
+good?&rsquo; The king said he hoped so.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I suppose you know the reason <i>now</i>, why my
+god-daughter here,&rsquo; kissing the princess again, &lsquo;did
+not apply to the fish-bone sooner?&rsquo; said the fairy.</p>
+<p>The king made a shy bow.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Ah! but you didn&rsquo;t <i>then</i>?&rsquo; said the
+fairy.</p>
+<p>The king made a shyer bow.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Any more reasons to ask for?&rsquo; said the fairy.</p>
+<p>The king said, No, and he was very sorry.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Be good, then,&rsquo; said the fairy, &lsquo;and live
+happy ever afterwards.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Then Grandmarina waved her fan, and the queen came in most
+splendidly dressed; and the seventeen young princes and
+princesses, no longer grown out of their clothes, came in, newly
+fitted out from top to toe, with tucks in everything to admit of
+its being let out. After that, the fairy tapped the
+Princess Alicia with her fan; and the smothering coarse apron
+flew away, and she appeared exquisitely dressed, like a little
+bride, with a wreath of orange-flowers and a silver veil.
+After that, the kitchen dresser changed of itself into a
+wardrobe, made of beautiful woods and gold and looking glass,
+which was full of dresses of all sorts, all for her and all
+exactly fitting her. After that, the angelic baby came in,
+running alone, with his face and eye not a bit the worse, but
+much the better. Then Grandmarina begged to be introduced
+to the duchess; and, when the duchess was brought down, many
+compliments passed between them.</p>
+<p>A little whispering took place between the fairy and the
+duchess; and then the fairy said out loud, &lsquo;Yes, I thought
+she would have told you.&rsquo; Grandmarina then turned to
+the king and queen, and said, &lsquo;We are going in search of
+Prince Certainpersonio. The pleasure of your company is
+requested at church in half an hour precisely.&rsquo; So
+she and the Princess Alicia got into the carriage; and Mr.
+Pickles&rsquo;s boy handed in the duchess, who sat by herself on
+the opposite seat; and then Mr. Pickles&rsquo;s boy put up the
+steps and got up behind, and the peacocks flew away with their
+tails behind.</p>
+<p>Prince Certainpersonio was sitting by himself, eating
+barley-sugar, and waiting to be ninety. When he saw the
+peacocks, followed by the carriage, coming in at the window it
+immediately occurred to him that something uncommon was going to
+happen.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Prince,&rsquo; said Grandmarina, &lsquo;I bring you
+your bride.&rsquo; The moment the fairy said those words,
+Prince Certainpersonio&rsquo;s face left off being sticky, and
+his jacket and corduroys changed to peach-bloom velvet, and his
+hair curled, and a cap and feather flew in like a bird and
+settled on his head. He got into the carriage by the
+fairy&rsquo;s invitation; and there he renewed his acquaintance
+with the duchess, whom he had seen before.</p>
+<p>In the church were the prince&rsquo;s relations and friends,
+and the Princess Alicia&rsquo;s relations and friends, and the
+seventeen princes and princesses, and the baby, and a crowd of
+the neighbours. The marriage was beautiful beyond
+expression. The duchess was bridesmaid, and beheld the
+ceremony from the pulpit, where she was supported by the cushion
+of the desk.</p>
+<p>Grandmarina gave a magnificent wedding-feast afterwards, in
+which there was everything and more to eat, and everything and
+more to drink. The wedding-cake was delicately ornamented
+with white satin ribbons, frosted silver, and white lilies, and
+was forty-two yards round.</p>
+<p>When Grandmarina had drunk her love to the young couple, and
+Prince Certainpersonio had made a speech, and everybody had
+cried, Hip, hip, hip, hurrah! Grandmarina announced to the king
+and queen that in future there would be eight quarter-days in
+every year, except in leap-year, when there would be ten.
+She then turned to Certainpersonio and Alicia, and said,
+&lsquo;My dears, you will have thirty-five children, and they
+will all be good and beautiful. Seventeen of your children
+will be boys, and eighteen will be girls. The hair of the
+whole of your children will curl naturally. They will never
+have the measles, and will have recovered from the whooping-cough
+before being born.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>On hearing such good news, everybody cried out &lsquo;Hip,
+hip, hip, hurrah!&rsquo; again.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;It only remains,&rsquo; said Grandmarina in conclusion,
+&lsquo;to make an end of the fish-bone.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>So she took it from the hand of the Princess Alicia, and it
+instantly flew down the throat of the dreadful little snapping
+pug-dog, next door, and choked him, and he expired in
+convulsions.</p>
+<h2>PART III.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">ROMANCE. FROM THE PEN OF LIEUT.-COL.
+ROBIN REDFORTH</span> <a name="citation266"></a><a
+href="#footnote266" class="citation">[266]</a></h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">The</span> subject of our present
+narrative would appear to have devoted himself to the pirate
+profession at a comparatively early age. We find him in
+command of a splendid schooner of one hundred guns loaded to the
+muzzle, ere yet he had had a party in honour of his tenth
+birthday.</p>
+<p>It seems that our hero, considering himself spited by a
+Latin-grammar master, demanded the satisfaction due from one man
+of honour to another.&mdash;Not getting it, he privately withdrew
+his haughty spirit from such low company, bought a second-hand
+pocket-pistol, folded up some sandwiches in a paper bag, made a
+bottle of Spanish liquorice-water, and entered on a career of
+valour.</p>
+<p>It were tedious to follow Boldheart (for such was his name)
+through the commencing stages of his story. Suffice it,
+that we find him bearing the rank of Capt. Boldheart, reclining
+in full uniform on a crimson hearth-rug spread out upon the
+quarter-deck of his schooner &lsquo;The Beauty,&rsquo; in the
+China seas. It was a lovely evening; and, as his crew lay
+grouped about him, he favoured them with the following
+melody:</p>
+<blockquote><p>O landsmen are folly!<br />
+O pirates are jolly!<br />
+O diddleum Dolly,<br />
+
+&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
+Di!</p>
+
+<p>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<i>Chorus</i>.&mdash;Heave
+yo.</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>The soothing effect of these animated sounds floating over the
+waters, as the common sailors united their rough voices to take
+up the rich tones of Boldheart, may be more easily conceived than
+described.</p>
+<p>It was under these circumstances that the look-out at the
+masthead gave the word, &lsquo;Whales!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>All was now activity.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Where away?&rsquo; cried Capt. Boldheart, starting
+up.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;On the larboard bow, sir,&rsquo; replied the fellow at
+the masthead, touching his hat. For such was the height of
+discipline on board of &lsquo;The Beauty,&rsquo; that, even at
+that height, he was obliged to mind it, or be shot through the
+head.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;This adventure belongs to me,&rsquo; said
+Boldheart. &lsquo;Boy, my harpoon. Let no man
+follow;&rsquo; and leaping alone into his boat, the captain rowed
+with admirable dexterity in the direction of the monster.</p>
+<p>All was now excitement.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;He nears him!&rsquo; said an elderly seaman, following
+the captain through his spy-glass.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;He strikes him!&rsquo; said another seaman, a mere
+stripling, but also with a spy-glass.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;He tows him towards us!&rsquo; said another seaman, a
+man in the full vigour of life, but also with a spy-glass.</p>
+<p>In fact, the captain was seen approaching, with the huge bulk
+following. We will not dwell on the deafening cries of
+&lsquo;Boldheart! Boldheart!&rsquo; with which he was received,
+when, carelessly leaping on the quarter-deck, he presented his
+prize to his men. They afterwards made two thousand four
+hundred and seventeen pound ten and sixpence by it.</p>
+<p>Ordering the sail to be braced up, the captain now stood
+W.N.W. &lsquo;The Beauty&rsquo; flew rather than floated
+over the dark blue waters. Nothing particular occurred for
+a fortnight, except taking, with considerable slaughter, four
+Spanish galleons, and a snow from South America, all richly
+laden. Inaction began to tell upon the spirits of the
+men. Capt. Boldheart called all hands aft, and said,
+&lsquo;My lads, I hear there are discontented ones among
+ye. Let any such stand forth.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>After some murmuring, in which the expressions, &lsquo;Ay, ay,
+sir!&rsquo; &lsquo;Union Jack,&rsquo; &lsquo;Avast,&rsquo;
+&lsquo;Starboard,&rsquo; &lsquo;Port,&rsquo;
+&lsquo;Bowsprit,&rsquo; and similar indications of a mutinous
+undercurrent, though subdued, were audible, Bill Boozey, captain
+of the foretop, came out from the rest. His form was that
+of a giant, but he quailed under the captain&rsquo;s eye.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;What are your wrongs?&rsquo; said the captain.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Why, d&rsquo;ye see, Capt. Boldheart,&rsquo; replied
+the towering manner, &lsquo;I&rsquo;ve sailed, man and boy, for
+many a year, but I never yet know&rsquo;d the milk served out for
+the ship&rsquo;s company&rsquo;s teas to be so sour as &lsquo;tis
+aboard this craft.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>At this moment the thrilling cry, &lsquo;Man overboard!&rsquo;
+announced to the astonished crew that Boozey, in stepping back,
+as the captain (in mere thoughtfulness) laid his hand upon the
+faithful pocket-pistol which he wore in his belt, had lost his
+balance, and was struggling with the foaming tide.</p>
+<p>All was now stupefaction.</p>
+<p>But with Capt. Boldheart, to throw off his uniform coat,
+regardless of the various rich orders with which it was
+decorated, and to plunge into the sea after the drowning giant,
+was the work of a moment. Maddening was the excitement when
+boats were lowered; intense the joy when the captain was seen
+holding up the drowning man with his teeth; deafening the
+cheering when both were restored to the main deck of &lsquo;The
+Beauty.&rsquo; And, from the instant of his changing his
+wet clothes for dry ones, Capt. Boldheart had no such devoted
+though humble friend as William Boozey.</p>
+<p>Boldheart now pointed to the horizon, and called the attention
+of his crew to the taper spars of a ship lying snug in harbour
+under the guns of a fort.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;She shall be ours at sunrise,&rsquo; said he.
+&lsquo;Serve out a double allowance of grog, and prepare for
+action.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>All was now preparation.</p>
+<p>When morning dawned, after a sleepless night, it was seen that
+the stranger was crowding on all sail to come out of the harbour
+and offer battle. As the two ships came nearer to each
+other, the stranger fired a gun and hoisted Roman colours.
+Boldheart then perceived her to be the Latin-grammar
+master&rsquo;s bark. Such indeed she was, and had been
+tacking about the world in unavailing pursuit, from the time of
+his first taking to a roving life.</p>
+<p>Boldheart now addressed his men, promising to blow them up if
+he should feel convinced that their reputation required it, and
+giving orders that the Latin-grammar master should be taken
+alive. He then dismissed them to their quarters, and the
+fight began with a broadside from &lsquo;The Beauty.&rsquo;
+She then veered around, and poured in another. &lsquo;The
+Scorpion&rsquo; (so was the bark of the Latin-grammar master
+appropriately called) was not slow to return her fire; and a
+terrific cannonading ensued, in which the guns of &lsquo;The
+Beauty&rsquo; did tremendous execution.</p>
+<p>The Latin-grammar master was seen upon the poop, in the midst
+of the smoke and fire, encouraging his men. To do him
+justice, he was no craven, though his white hat, his short gray
+trousers, and his long snuff-coloured surtout reaching to his
+heels (the self-same coat in which he had spited Boldheart),
+contrasted most unfavourably with the brilliant uniform of the
+latter. At this moment, Boldheart, seizing a pike and
+putting himself at the head of his men, gave the word to
+board.</p>
+<p>A desperate conflict ensued in the hammock-nettings,&mdash;or
+somewhere in about that direction,&mdash;until the Latin-grammar
+master, having all his masts gone, his hull and rigging shot
+through, and seeing Boldheart slashing a path towards him, hauled
+down his flag himself, gave up his sword to Boldheart, and asked
+for quarter. Scarce had he been put into the
+captain&rsquo;s boat, ere &lsquo;The Scorpion&rsquo; went down
+with all on board.</p>
+<p>On Capt. Boldheart&rsquo;s now assembling his men, a
+circumstance occurred. He found it necessary with one blow
+of his cutlass to kill the cook, who, having lost his brother in
+the late action, was making at the Latin-grammar master in an
+infuriated state, intent on his destruction with a
+carving-knife.</p>
+<p>Capt. Boldheart then turned to the Latin-grammar master,
+severely reproaching him with his perfidy, and put it to his crew
+what they considered that a master who spited a boy deserved.</p>
+<p>They answered with one voice, &lsquo;Death.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;It may be so,&rsquo; said the captain; &lsquo;but it
+shall never be said that Boldheart stained his hour of triumph
+with the blood of his enemy. Prepare the cutter.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The cutter was immediately prepared.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Without taking your life,&rsquo; said the captain,
+&lsquo;I must yet for ever deprive you of the power of spiting
+other boys. I shall turn you adrift in this boat. You
+will find in her two oars, a compass, a bottle of rum, a small
+cask of water, a piece of pork, a bag of biscuit, and my Latin
+grammar. Go! and spite the natives, if you can find
+any.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Deeply conscious of this bitter sarcasm, the unhappy wretch
+was put into the cutter, and was soon left far behind. He
+made no effort to row, but was seen lying on his back with his
+legs up, when last made out by the ship&rsquo;s telescopes.</p>
+<p>A stiff breeze now beginning to blow, Capt. Boldheart gave
+orders to keep her S.S.W., easing her a little during the night
+by falling off a point or two W. by W., or even by W.S., if she
+complained much. He then retired for the night, having in
+truth much need of repose. In addition to the fatigues he
+had undergone, this brave officer had received sixteen wounds in
+the engagement, but had not mentioned it.</p>
+<p>In the morning a white squall came on, and was succeeded by
+other squalls of various colours. It thundered and
+lightened heavily for six weeks. Hurricanes then set in for
+two months. Waterspouts and tornadoes followed. The
+oldest sailor on board&mdash;and he was a very old one&mdash;had
+never seen such weather. &lsquo;The Beauty&rsquo; lost all
+idea where she was, and the carpenter reported six feet two of
+water in the hold. Everybody fell senseless at the pumps
+every day.</p>
+<p>Provisions now ran very low. Our hero put the crew on
+short allowance, and put himself on shorter allowance than any
+man in the ship. But his spirit kept him fat. In this
+extremity, the gratitude of Boozey, the captain of the foretop,
+whom our readers may remember, was truly affecting. The
+loving though lowly William repeatedly requested to be killed,
+and preserved for the captain&rsquo;s table.</p>
+<p>We now approach a change of affairs. One day during a
+gleam of sunshine, and when the weather had moderated, the man at
+the masthead&mdash;too weak now to touch his hat, besides its
+having been blown away&mdash;called out,</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Savages!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>All was now expectation.</p>
+<p>Presently fifteen hundred canoes, each paddled by twenty
+savages, were seen advancing in excellent order. They were
+of a light green colour (the savages were), and sang, with great
+energy, the following strain:</p>
+<blockquote><p>Choo a choo a choo tooth.<br />
+&nbsp; Muntch, muntch. Nycey!<br />
+Choo a choo a choo tooth.<br />
+&nbsp; Muntch, muntch. Nycey!</p>
+</blockquote>
+<p>As the shades of night were by this time closing in, these
+expressions were supposed to embody this simple people&rsquo;s
+views of the evening hymn. But it too soon appeared that
+the song was a translation of &lsquo;For what we are going to
+receive,&rsquo; &amp;c.</p>
+<p>The chief, imposingly decorated with feathers of lively
+colours, and having the majestic appearance of a fighting parrot,
+no sooner understood (he understood English perfectly) that the
+ship was &lsquo;The Beauty,&rsquo; Capt. Boldheart, than he fell
+upon his face on the deck, and could not be persuaded to rise
+until the captain had lifted him up, and told him he
+wouldn&rsquo;t hurt him. All the rest of the savages also
+fell on their faces with marks of terror, and had also to be
+lifted up one by one. Thus the fame of the great Boldheart
+had gone before him, even among these children of Nature.</p>
+<p>Turtles and oysters were now produced in astonishing numbers;
+and on these and yams the people made a hearty meal. After
+dinner the chief told Capt. Boldheart that there was better
+feeding up at the village, and that he would be glad to take him
+and his officers there. Apprehensive of treachery,
+Boldheart ordered his boat&rsquo;s crew to attend him completely
+armed. And well were it for other commanders if their
+precautions&mdash;but let us not anticipate.</p>
+<p>When the canoes arrived at the beach, the darkness of the
+night was illumined by the light of an immense fire.
+Ordering his boat&rsquo;s crew (with the intrepid though
+illiterate William at their head) to keep close and be upon their
+guard, Boldheart bravely went on, arm in arm with the chief.</p>
+<p>But how to depict the captain&rsquo;s surprise when he found a
+ring of savages singing in chorus that barbarous translation of
+&lsquo;For what we are going to receive,&rsquo; &amp;c., which
+has been given above, and dancing hand in hand round the
+Latin-grammar master, in a hamper with his head shaved, while two
+savages floured him, before putting him to the fire to be
+cooked!</p>
+<p>Boldheart now took counsel with his officers on the course to
+be adopted. In the mean time, the miserable captive never
+ceased begging pardon and imploring to be delivered. On the
+generous Boldheart&rsquo;s proposal, it was at length resolved
+that he should not be cooked, but should be allowed to remain
+raw, on two conditions, namely:</p>
+<p>1. That he should never, under any circumstances, presume to
+teach any boy anything any more.</p>
+<p>2. That, if taken back to England, he should pass his life in
+travelling to find out boys who wanted their exercises done, and
+should do their exercises for those boys for nothing, and never
+say a word about it.</p>
+<p>Drawing the sword from its sheath, Boldheart swore him to
+these conditions on its shining blade. The prisoner wept
+bitterly, and appeared acutely to feel the errors of his past
+career.</p>
+<p>The captain then ordered his boat&rsquo;s crew to make ready
+for a volley, and after firing to re-load quickly.
+&lsquo;And expect a score or two on ye to go head over
+heels,&rsquo; murmured William Boozey; &lsquo;for I&rsquo;m
+a-looking at ye.&rsquo; With those words, the derisive
+though deadly William took a good aim.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Fire!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The ringing voice of Boldheart was lost in the report of the
+guns and the screeching of the savages. Volley after volley
+awakened the numerous echoes. Hundreds of savages were
+killed, hundreds wounded, and thousands ran howling into the
+woods. The Latin-grammar master had a spare night-cap lent
+him, and a long-tail coat, which he wore hind side before.
+He presented a ludicrous though pitiable appearance, and serve
+him right.</p>
+<p>We now find Capt. Boldheart, with this rescued wretch on
+board, standing off for other islands. At one of these, not
+a cannibal island, but a pork and vegetable one, he married (only
+in fun on his part) the king&rsquo;s daughter. Here he
+rested some time, receiving from the natives great quantities of
+precious stones, gold dust, elephants&rsquo; teeth, and sandal
+wood, and getting very rich. This, too, though he almost
+every day made presents of enormous value to his men.</p>
+<p>The ship being at length as full as she could hold of all
+sorts of valuable things, Boldheart gave orders to weigh the
+anchor, and turn &lsquo;The Beauty&rsquo;s&rsquo; head towards
+England. These orders were obeyed with three cheers; and
+ere the sun went down full many a hornpipe had been danced on
+deck by the uncouth though agile William.</p>
+<p>We next find Capt. Boldheart about three leagues off Madeira,
+surveying through his spy-glass a stranger of suspicious
+appearance making sail towards him. On his firing a gun
+ahead of her to bring her to, she ran up a flag, which he
+instantly recognised as the flag from the mast in the back-garden
+at home.</p>
+<p>Inferring from this, that his father had put to sea to seek
+his long-lost son, the captain sent his own boat on board the
+stranger to inquire if this was so, and, if so, whether his
+father&rsquo;s intentions were strictly honourable. The
+boat came back with a present of greens and fresh meat, and
+reported that the stranger was &lsquo;The Family,&rsquo; of
+twelve hundred tons, and had not only the captain&rsquo;s father
+on board, but also his mother, with the majority of his aunts and
+uncles, and all his cousins. It was further reported to
+Boldheart that the whole of these relations had expressed
+themselves in a becoming manner, and were anxious to embrace him
+and thank him for the glorious credit he had done them.
+Boldheart at once invited them to breakfast next morning on board
+&lsquo;The Beauty,&rsquo; and gave orders for a brilliant ball
+that should last all day.</p>
+<p>It was in the course of the night that the captain discovered
+the hopelessness of reclaiming the Latin-grammar master.
+That thankless traitor was found out, as the two ships lay near
+each other, communicating with &lsquo;The Family&rsquo; by
+signals, and offering to give up Boldheart. He was hanged
+at the yard-arm the first thing in the morning, after having it
+impressively pointed out to him by Boldheart that this was what
+spiters came to.</p>
+<p>The meeting between the captain and his parents was attended
+with tears. His uncles and aunts would have attended their
+meeting with tears too, but he wasn&rsquo;t going to stand
+that. His cousins were very much astonished by the size of
+his ship and the discipline of his men, and were greatly overcome
+by the splendour of his uniform. He kindly conducted them
+round the vessel, and pointed out everything worthy of
+notice. He also fired his hundred guns, and found it
+amusing to witness their alarm.</p>
+<p>The entertainment surpassed everything ever seen on board
+ship, and lasted from ten in the morning until seven the next
+morning. Only one disagreeable incident occurred.
+Capt. Boldheart found himself obliged to put his cousin Tom in
+irons, for being disrespectful. On the boy&rsquo;s
+promising amendment, however, he was humanely released after a
+few hours&rsquo; close confinement.</p>
+<p>Boldheart now took his mother down into the great cabin, and
+asked after the young lady with whom, it was well known to the
+world, he was in love. His mother replied that the object
+of his affections was then at school at Margate, for the benefit
+of sea-bathing (it was the month of September), but that she
+feared the young lady&rsquo;s friends were still opposed to the
+union. Boldheart at once resolved, if necessary, to bombard
+the town.</p>
+<p>Taking the command of his ship with this intention, and
+putting all but fighting men on board &lsquo;The Family,&rsquo;
+with orders to that vessel to keep in company, Boldheart soon
+anchored in Margate Roads. Here he went ashore well-armed,
+and attended by his boat&rsquo;s crew (at their head the faithful
+though ferocious William), and demanded to see the mayor, who
+came out of his office.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Dost know the name of yon ship, mayor?&rsquo; asked
+Boldheart fiercely.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;No,&rsquo; said the mayor, rubbing his eyes, which he
+could scarce believe, when he saw the goodly vessel riding at
+anchor.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;She is named &ldquo;The Beauty,&rdquo;&rsquo; said the
+captain.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Hah!&rsquo; exclaimed the mayor, with a start.
+&lsquo;And you, then, are Capt. Boldheart?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;The same.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>A pause ensued. The mayor trembled.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Now, mayor,&rsquo; said the captain,
+&lsquo;choose! Help me to my bride, or be
+bombarded.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The mayor begged for two hours&rsquo; grace, in which to make
+inquiries respecting the young lady. Boldheart accorded him
+but one; and during that one placed William Boozey sentry over
+him, with a drawn sword, and instructions to accompany him
+wherever he went, and to run him through the body if he showed a
+sign of playing false.</p>
+<p>At the end of the hour the mayor re-appeared more dead than
+alive, closely waited on by Boozey more alive than dead.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Captain,&rsquo; said the mayor, &lsquo;I have
+ascertained that the young lady is going to bathe. Even now
+she waits her turn for a machine. The tide is low, though
+rising. I, in one of our town-boats, shall not be
+suspected. When she comes forth in her bathing-dress into
+the shallow water from behind the hood of the machine, my boat
+shall intercept her and prevent her return. Do you the
+rest.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Mayor,&rsquo; returned Capt. Boldheart, &lsquo;thou
+hast saved thy town.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The captain then signalled his boat to take him off, and,
+steering her himself, ordered her crew to row towards the
+bathing-ground, and there to rest upon their oars. All
+happened as had been arranged. His lovely bride came forth,
+the mayor glided in behind her, she became confused, and had
+floated out of her depth, when, with one skilful touch of the
+rudder and one quivering stroke from the boat&rsquo;s crew, her
+adoring Boldheart held her in his strong arms. There her
+shrieks of terror were changed to cries of joy.</p>
+<p>Before &lsquo;The Beauty&rsquo; could get under way, the
+hoisting of all the flags in the town and harbour, and the
+ringing of all the bells, announced to the brave Boldheart that
+he had nothing to fear. He therefore determined to be
+married on the spot, and signalled for a clergyman and clerk, who
+came off promptly in a sailing-boat named &lsquo;The
+Skylark.&rsquo; Another great entertainment was then given
+on board &lsquo;The Beauty,&rsquo; in the midst of which the
+mayor was called out by a messenger. He returned with the
+news that government had sent down to know whether Capt.
+Boldheart, in acknowledgment of the great services he had done
+his country by being a pirate, would consent to be made a
+lieutenant-colonel. For himself he would have spurned the
+worthless boon; but his bride wished it, and he consented.</p>
+<p>Only one thing further happened before the good ship
+&lsquo;Family&rsquo; was dismissed, with rich presents to all on
+board. It is painful to record (but such is human nature in
+some cousins) that Capt. Boldheart&rsquo;s unmannerly Cousin Tom
+was actually tied up to receive three dozen with a rope&rsquo;s
+end &lsquo;for cheekiness and making game,&rsquo; when Capt.
+Boldheart&rsquo;s lady begged for him, and he was spared.
+&lsquo;The Beauty&rsquo; then refitted, and the captain and his
+bride departed for the Indian Ocean to enjoy themselves for
+evermore.</p>
+<h2>PART IV.<br />
+<span class="GutSmall">ROMANCE FROM THE PEN OF MISS NETTIE
+ASHFORD</span> <a name="citation274"></a><a href="#footnote274"
+class="citation">[274]</a></h2>
+<p><span class="smcap">There</span> is a country, which I will
+show you when I get into maps, where the children have everything
+their own way. It is a most delightful country to live
+in. The grown-up people are obliged to obey the children,
+and are never allowed to sit up to supper, except on their
+birthdays. The children order them to make jam and jelly
+and marmalade, and tarts and pies and puddings, and all manner of
+pastry. If they say they won&rsquo;t, they are put in the
+corner till they do. They are sometimes allowed to have
+some; but when they have some, they generally have powders given
+them afterwards.</p>
+<p>One of the inhabitants of this country, a truly sweet young
+creature of the name of Mrs. Orange, had the misfortune to be
+sadly plagued by her numerous family. Her parents required
+a great deal of looking after, and they had connections and
+companions who were scarcely ever out of mischief. So Mrs.
+Orange said to herself, &lsquo;I really cannot be troubled with
+these torments any longer: I must put them all to
+school.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Mrs. Orange took off her pinafore, and dressed herself very
+nicely, and took up her baby, and went out to call upon another
+lady of the name of Mrs. Lemon, who kept a preparatory
+establishment. Mrs. Orange stood upon the scraper to pull
+at the bell, and give a ring-ting-ting.</p>
+<p>Mrs. Lemon&rsquo;s neat little housemaid, pulling up her socks
+as she came along the passage, answered the ring-ting-ting.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Good-morning,&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange.
+&lsquo;Fine day. How do you do? Mrs. Lemon at
+home!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Yes, ma&rsquo;am.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Will you say Mrs. Orange and baby?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Yes, ma&rsquo;am. Walk in.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Mrs. Orange&rsquo;s baby was a very fine one, and real wax all
+over. Mrs. Lemon&rsquo;s baby was leather and bran.
+However, when Mrs. Lemon came into the drawing-room with her baby
+in her arms, Mrs. Orange said politely,
+&lsquo;Good-morning. Fine day. How do you do?
+And how is little Tootleumboots?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Well, she is but poorly. Cutting her teeth,
+ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs. Lemon.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;O, indeed, ma&rsquo;am!&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange.
+&lsquo;No fits, I hope?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;No, ma&rsquo;am.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;How many teeth has she, ma&rsquo;am?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Five, ma&rsquo;am.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;My Emilia, ma&rsquo;am, has eight,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange. &lsquo;Shall we lay them on the mantelpiece side by
+side, while we converse?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;By all means, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Lemon. &lsquo;Hem!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;The first question is, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange, &lsquo;I don&rsquo;t bore you?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Not in the least, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Lemon. &lsquo;Far from it, I assure you.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Then pray <i>have</i> you,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange,&mdash;&lsquo;<i>have</i> you any vacancies?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Yes, ma&rsquo;am. How many might you
+require?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Why, the truth is, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange, &lsquo;I have come to the conclusion that my
+children,&rsquo;&mdash;O, I forgot to say that they call the
+grown-up people children in that country!&mdash;&lsquo;that my
+children are getting positively too much for me. Let me
+see. Two parents, two intimate friends of theirs, one
+godfather, two godmothers, and an aunt. <i>Have</i> you as
+many as eight vacancies?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I have just eight, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Lemon.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Most fortunate! Terms moderate, I
+think?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Very moderate, ma&rsquo;am.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Diet good, I believe?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Excellent, ma&rsquo;am.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Unlimited?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Unlimited.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Most satisfactory! Corporal punishment dispensed
+with?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Why, we do occasionally shake,&rsquo; said Mrs. Lemon,
+&lsquo;and we have slapped. But only in extreme
+cases.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;<i>Could</i> I, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange,&mdash;&lsquo;<i>could</i> I see the
+establishment?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;With the greatest of pleasure, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said
+Mrs. Lemon.</p>
+<p>Mrs. Lemon took Mrs. Orange into the schoolroom, where there
+were a number of pupils. &lsquo;Stand up, children,&rsquo;
+said Mrs. Lemon; and they all stood up.</p>
+<p>Mrs. Orange whispered to Mrs. Lemon, &lsquo;There is a pale,
+bald child, with red whiskers, in disgrace. Might I ask
+what he has done?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Come here, White,&rsquo; said Mrs. Lemon, &lsquo;and
+tell this lady what you have been doing.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Betting on horses,&rsquo; said White sulkily.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Are you sorry for it, you naughty child?&rsquo; said
+Mrs. Lemon.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;No,&rsquo; said White. &lsquo;Sorry to lose, but
+shouldn&rsquo;t be sorry to win.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;There&rsquo;s a vicious boy for you,
+ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs. Lemon. &lsquo;Go along with
+you, sir. This is Brown, Mrs. Orange. O, a sad case,
+Brown&rsquo;s! Never knows when he has had enough.
+Greedy. How is your gout, sir?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Bad,&rsquo; said Brown.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;What else can you expect?&rsquo; said Mrs. Lemon.
+&lsquo;Your stomach is the size of two. Go and take
+exercise directly. Mrs. Black, come here to me. Now,
+here is a child, Mrs. Orange, ma&rsquo;am, who is always at
+play. She can&rsquo;t be kept at home a single day
+together; always gadding about and spoiling her clothes.
+Play, play, play, play, from morning to night, and to morning
+again. How can she expect to improve?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Don&rsquo;t expect to improve,&rsquo; sulked Mrs.
+Black. &lsquo;Don&rsquo;t want to.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;There is a specimen of her temper, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo;
+said Mrs. Lemon. &lsquo;To see her when she is tearing
+about, neglecting everything else, you would suppose her to be at
+least good-humoured. But bless you! ma&rsquo;am, she is as
+pert and flouncing a minx as ever you met with in all your
+days!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;You must have a great deal of trouble with them,
+ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Ah, I have, indeed, ma&rsquo;am!&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Lemon. &lsquo;What with their tempers, what with their
+quarrels, what with their never knowing what&rsquo;s good for
+them, and what with their always wanting to domineer, deliver me
+from these unreasonable children!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Well, I wish you good-morning, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said
+Mrs. Orange.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Well, I wish you good-morning, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said
+Mrs. Lemon.</p>
+<p>So Mrs. Orange took up her baby and went home, and told the
+family that plagued her so that they were all going to be sent to
+school. They said they didn&rsquo;t want to go to school;
+but she packed up their boxes, and packed them off.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;O dear me, dear me! Rest and be thankful!&rsquo;
+said Mrs. Orange, throwing herself back in her little
+arm-chair. &lsquo;Those troublesome troubles are got rid
+of, please the pigs!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Just then another lady, named Mrs. Alicumpaine, came calling
+at the street-door with a ring-ting-ting.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;My dear Mrs. Alicumpaine,&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange,
+&lsquo;how do you do? Pray stay to dinner. We have
+but a simple joint of sweet-stuff, followed by a plain dish of
+bread and treacle; but, if you will take us as you find us, it
+will be <i>so</i> kind!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Don&rsquo;t mention it,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Alicumpaine. &lsquo;I shall be too glad. But what do
+you think I have come for, ma&rsquo;am? Guess,
+ma&rsquo;am.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I really cannot guess, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Why, I am going to have a small juvenile party
+to-night,&rsquo; said Mrs. Alicumpaine; &lsquo;and if you and Mr.
+Orange and baby would but join us, we should be
+complete.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;More than charmed, I am sure!&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;So kind of you!&rsquo; said Mrs. Alicumpaine.
+&lsquo;But I hope the children won&rsquo;t bore you?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Dear things! Not at all,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange. &lsquo;I dote upon them.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Mr. Orange here came home from the city; and he came, too,
+with a ring-ting-ting.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;James love,&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange, &lsquo;you look
+tired. What has been doing in the city to-day?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Trap, bat, and ball, my dear,&rsquo; said Mr. Orange,
+&lsquo;and it knocks a man up.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;That dreadfully anxious city, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said
+Mrs. Orange to Mrs. Alicumpaine; &lsquo;so wearing, is it
+not?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;O, so trying!&rsquo; said Mrs. Alicumpaine.
+&lsquo;John has lately been speculating in the peg-top ring; and
+I often say to him at night, &ldquo;John, <i>is</i> the result
+worth the wear and tear?&rdquo;&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Dinner was ready by this time: so they sat down to dinner; and
+while Mr. Orange carved the joint of sweet-stuff, he said,
+&lsquo;It&rsquo;s a poor heart that never rejoices. Jane,
+go down to the cellar, and fetch a bottle of the Upest
+ginger-beer.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>At tea-time, Mr. and Mrs. Orange, and baby, and Mrs.
+Alicumpaine went off to Mrs. Alicumpaine&rsquo;s house. The
+children had not come yet; but the ball-room was ready for them,
+decorated with paper flowers.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;How very sweet!&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange.
+&lsquo;The dear things! How pleased they will
+be!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I don&rsquo;t care for children myself,&rsquo; said Mr.
+Orange, gaping.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Not for girls?&rsquo; said Mrs. Alicumpaine.
+&lsquo;Come! you care for girls?&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Mr. Orange shook his head, and gaped again.
+&lsquo;Frivolous and vain, ma&rsquo;am.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;My dear James,&rsquo; cried Mrs. Orange, who had been
+peeping about, &lsquo;do look here. Here&rsquo;s the supper
+for the darlings, ready laid in the room behind the
+folding-doors. Here&rsquo;s their little pickled salmon, I
+do declare! And here&rsquo;s their little salad, and their
+little roast beef and fowls, and their little pastry, and their
+wee, wee, wee champagne!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Yes, I thought it best, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Alicumpaine, &lsquo;that they should have their supper by
+themselves. Our table is in the corner here, where the
+gentlemen can have their wineglass of negus, and their
+egg-sandwich, and their quiet game at beggar-my-neighbour, and
+look on. As for us, ma&rsquo;am, we shall have quite enough
+to do to manage the company.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;O, indeed, you may say so! Quite enough,
+ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange.</p>
+<p>The company began to come. The first of them was a stout
+boy, with a white top-knot and spectacles. The housemaid
+brought him in and said, &lsquo;Compliments, and at what time was
+he to be fetched!&rsquo; Mrs. Alicumpaine said, &lsquo;Not
+a moment later than ten. How do you do, sir? Go and
+sit down.&rsquo; Then a number of other children came; boys
+by themselves, and girls by themselves, and boys and girls
+together. They didn&rsquo;t behave at all well. Some
+of them looked through quizzing-glasses at others, and said,
+&lsquo;Who are those? Don&rsquo;t know them.&rsquo;
+Some of them looked through quizzing-glasses at others, and said,
+&lsquo;How do?&rsquo; Some of them had cups of tea or
+coffee handed to them by others, and said, &lsquo;Thanks;
+much!&rsquo; A good many boys stood about, and felt their
+shirt-collars. Four tiresome fat boys <i>would</i> stand in
+the doorway, and talk about the newspapers, till Mrs. Alicumpaine
+went to them and said, &lsquo;My dears, I really cannot allow you
+to prevent people from coming in. I shall be truly sorry to
+do it; but, if you put yourself in everybody&rsquo;s way, I must
+positively send you home.&rsquo; One boy, with a beard and
+a large white waistcoat, who stood straddling on the hearth-rug
+warming his coat-tails, <i>was</i> sent home. &lsquo;Highly
+incorrect, my dear,&rsquo; said Mrs. Alicumpaine, handing him out
+of the room, &lsquo;and I cannot permit it.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>There was a children&rsquo;s band,&mdash;harp, cornet, and
+piano,&mdash;and Mrs. Alicumpaine and Mrs. Orange bustled among
+the children to persuade them to take partners and dance.
+But they were so obstinate! For quite a long time they
+would not be persuaded to take partners and dance. Most of
+the boys said, &lsquo;Thanks; much! But not at
+present.&rsquo; And most of the rest of the boys said,
+&lsquo;Thanks; much! But never do.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;O, these children are very wearing!&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Alicumpaine to Mrs. Orange.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Dear things! I dote upon them; but they ARE
+wearing,&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange to Mrs. Alicumpaine.</p>
+<p>At last they did begin in a slow and melancholy way to slide
+about to the music; though even then they wouldn&rsquo;t mind
+what they were told, but would have this partner, and
+wouldn&rsquo;t have that partner, and showed temper about
+it. And they wouldn&rsquo;t smile,&mdash;no, not on any
+account they wouldn&rsquo;t; but, when the music stopped, went
+round and round the room in dismal twos, as if everybody else was
+dead.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;O, it&rsquo;s very hard indeed to get these vexing
+children to be entertained!&rsquo; said Mrs. Alicumpaine to Mrs.
+Orange.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I dote upon the darlings; but it is hard,&rsquo; said
+Mrs. Orange to Mrs. Alicumpaine.</p>
+<p>They were trying children, that&rsquo;s the truth.
+First, they wouldn&rsquo;t sing when they were asked; and then,
+when everybody fully believed they wouldn&rsquo;t, they
+would. &lsquo;If you serve us so any more, my love,&rsquo;
+said Mrs. Alicumpaine to a tall child, with a good deal of white
+back, in mauve silk trimmed with lace, &lsquo;it will be my
+painful privilege to offer you a bed, and to send you to it
+immediately.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>The girls were so ridiculously dressed, too, that they were in
+rags before supper. How could the boys help treading on
+their trains? And yet when their trains were trodden on,
+they often showed temper again, and looked as black, they
+did! However, they all seemed to be pleased when Mrs.
+Alicumpaine said, &lsquo;Supper is ready, children!&rsquo;
+And they went crowding and pushing in, as if they had had dry
+bread for dinner.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;How are the children getting on?&rsquo; said Mr. Orange
+to Mrs. Orange, when Mrs. Orange came to look after baby.
+Mrs. Orange had left baby on a shelf near Mr. Orange while he
+played at beggar-my-neighbour, and had asked him to keep his eye
+upon her now and then.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Most charmingly, my dear!&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange. &lsquo;So droll to see their little flirtations and
+jealousies! Do come and look!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Much obliged to you, my dear,&rsquo; said Mr. Orange;
+&lsquo;but I don&rsquo;t care about children myself.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>So Mrs. Orange, having seen that baby was safe, went back
+without Mr. Orange to the room where the children were having
+supper.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;What are they doing now?&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange to
+Mrs. Alicumpaine.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;They are making speeches, and playing at
+parliament,&rsquo; said Mrs. Alicumpaine to Mrs. Orange.</p>
+<p>On hearing this, Mrs. Orange set off once more back again to
+Mr. Orange, and said, &lsquo;James dear, do come. The
+children are playing at parliament.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;Thank you, my dear,&rsquo; said Mr. Orange, &lsquo;but
+I don&rsquo;t care about parliament myself.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>So Mrs. Orange went once again without Mr. Orange to the room
+where the children were having supper, to see them playing at
+parliament. And she found some of the boys crying,
+&lsquo;Hear, hear, hear!&rsquo; while other boys cried &lsquo;No,
+no!&rsquo; and others, &lsquo;Question!&rsquo;
+&lsquo;Spoke!&rsquo; and all sorts of nonsense that ever you
+heard. Then one of those tiresome fat boys who had stopped
+the doorway told them he was on his legs (as if they
+couldn&rsquo;t see that he wasn&rsquo;t on his head, or on his
+anything else) to explain, and that, with the permission of his
+honourable friend, if he would allow him to call him so (another
+tiresome boy bowed), he would proceed to explain. Then he
+went on for a long time in a sing-song (whatever he meant), did
+this troublesome fat boy, about that he held in his hand a glass;
+and about that he had come down to that house that night to
+discharge what he would call a public duty; and about that, on
+the present occasion, he would lay his hand (his other hand) upon
+his heart, and would tell honourable gentlemen that he was about
+to open the door to general approval. Then he opened the
+door by saying, &lsquo;To our hostess!&rsquo; and everybody else
+said &lsquo;To our hostess!&rsquo; and then there were
+cheers. Then another tiresome boy started up in sing-song,
+and then half a dozen noisy and nonsensical boys at once.
+But at last Mrs. Alicumpaine said, &lsquo;I cannot have this
+din. Now, children, you have played at parliament very
+nicely; but parliament gets tiresome after a little while, and
+it&rsquo;s time you left off, for you will soon be
+fetched.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>After another dance (with more tearing to rags than before
+supper), they began to be fetched; and you will be very glad to
+be told that the tiresome fat boy who had been on his legs was
+walked off first without any ceremony. When they were all
+gone, poor Mrs. Alicumpaine dropped upon a sofa, and said to Mrs.
+Orange, &lsquo;These children will be the death of me at last,
+ma&rsquo;am,&mdash;they will indeed!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I quite adore them, ma&rsquo;am,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange; &lsquo;but they DO want variety.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>Mr. Orange got his hat, and Mrs. Orange got her bonnet and her
+baby, and they set out to walk home. They had to pass Mrs.
+Lemon&rsquo;s preparatory establishment on their way.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I wonder, James dear,&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange, looking
+up at the window, &lsquo;whether the precious children are
+asleep!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I don&rsquo;t care much whether they are or not,
+myself,&rsquo; said Mr. Orange.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;James dear!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;You dote upon them, you know,&rsquo; said Mr.
+Orange. &lsquo;That&rsquo;s another thing.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I do,&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange rapturously.
+&lsquo;O, I <span class="GutSmall">DO</span>!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I don&rsquo;t,&rsquo; said Mr. Orange.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;But I was thinking, James love,&rsquo; said Mrs.
+Orange, pressing his arm, &lsquo;whether our dear, good, kind
+Mrs. Lemon would like them to stay the holidays with
+her.&rsquo;</p>
+<p>&lsquo;If she was paid for it, I daresay she would,&rsquo;
+said Mr. Orange.</p>
+<p>&lsquo;I adore them, James,&rsquo; said Mrs. Orange,
+&lsquo;but <span class="GutSmall">SUPPOSE</span> we pay her,
+then!&rsquo;</p>
+<p>This was what brought that country to such perfection, and
+made it such a delightful place to live in. The grown-up
+people (that would be in other countries) soon left off being
+allowed any holidays after Mr. and Mrs. Orange tried the
+experiment; and the children (that would be in other countries)
+kept them at school as long as ever they lived, and made them do
+whatever they were told.</p>
+<h2>FOOTNOTES</h2>
+<p><a name="footnote251"></a><a href="#citation251"
+class="footnote">[251]</a> Aged eight.</p>
+<p><a name="footnote258"></a><a href="#citation258"
+class="footnote">[258]</a> Aged seven.</p>
+<p><a name="footnote266"></a><a href="#citation266"
+class="footnote">[266]</a> Aged nine.</p>
+<p><a name="footnote274"></a><a href="#citation274"
+class="footnote">[274]</a> Aged half-past six.</p>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOLIDAY ROMANCE ***</div>
+<div style='text-align:left'>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+Updated editions will replace the previous one&#8212;the old editions will
+be renamed.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright
+law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works,
+so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United
+States without permission and without paying copyright
+royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part
+of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project
+Gutenberg&#8482; electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG&#8482;
+concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark,
+and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following
+the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use
+of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for
+copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very
+easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation
+of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project
+Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away--you may
+do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected
+by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark
+license, especially commercial redistribution.
+</div>
+
+<div style='margin:0.83em 0; font-size:1.1em; text-align:center'>START: FULL LICENSE<br />
+<span style='font-size:smaller'>THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE<br />
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK</span>
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+To protect the Project Gutenberg&#8482; mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase &#8220;Project
+Gutenberg&#8221;), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full
+Project Gutenberg&#8482; License available with this file or online at
+www.gutenberg.org/license.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'>
+Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic works
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or
+destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic works in your
+possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a
+Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic work and you do not agree to be bound
+by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person
+or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.B. &#8220;Project Gutenberg&#8221; is a registered trademark. It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
+paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg&#8482; electronic works if you follow the terms of this
+agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (&#8220;the
+Foundation&#8221; or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection
+of Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic works. Nearly all the individual
+works in the collection are in the public domain in the United
+States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the
+United States and you are located in the United States, we do not
+claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing,
+displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as
+all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope
+that you will support the Project Gutenberg&#8482; mission of promoting
+free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the
+Project Gutenberg&#8482; name associated with the work. You can easily
+comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the
+same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg&#8482; License when
+you share it without charge with others.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are
+in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States,
+check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this
+agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing,
+distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any
+other Project Gutenberg&#8482; work. The Foundation makes no
+representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any
+country other than the United States.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other
+immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg&#8482; License must appear
+prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg&#8482; work (any work
+on which the phrase &#8220;Project Gutenberg&#8221; appears, or with which the
+phrase &#8220;Project Gutenberg&#8221; is associated) is accessed, displayed,
+performed, viewed, copied or distributed:
+</div>
+
+<blockquote>
+  <div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+    This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
+    other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+    whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
+    of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
+    at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you
+    are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws
+    of the country where you are located before using this eBook.
+  </div>
+</blockquote>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic work is
+derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not
+contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the
+copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in
+the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are
+redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase &#8220;Project
+Gutenberg&#8221; associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply
+either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or
+obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any
+additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms
+will be linked to the Project Gutenberg&#8482; License for all works
+posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the
+beginning of this work.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg&#8482;.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg&#8482; License.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including
+any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access
+to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg&#8482; work in a format
+other than &#8220;Plain Vanilla ASCII&#8221; or other format used in the official
+version posted on the official Project Gutenberg&#8482; website
+(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense
+to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means
+of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original &#8220;Plain
+Vanilla ASCII&#8221; or other form. Any alternate format must include the
+full Project Gutenberg&#8482; License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg&#8482; works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic works
+provided that:
+</div>
+
+<div style='margin-left:0.7em;'>
+    <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'>
+        &bull; You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+        the use of Project Gutenberg&#8482; works calculated using the method
+        you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed
+        to the owner of the Project Gutenberg&#8482; trademark, but he has
+        agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project
+        Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid
+        within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are
+        legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty
+        payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project
+        Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in
+        Section 4, &#8220;Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg
+        Literary Archive Foundation.&#8221;
+    </div>
+
+    <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'>
+        &bull; You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+        you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+        does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+        License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all
+        copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue
+        all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+        works.
+    </div>
+
+    <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'>
+        &bull; You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of
+        any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+        electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of
+        receipt of the work.
+    </div>
+
+    <div style='text-indent:-0.7em'>
+        &bull; You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+        distribution of Project Gutenberg&#8482; works.
+    </div>
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project
+Gutenberg&#8482; electronic work or group of works on different terms than
+are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing
+from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of
+the Project Gutenberg&#8482; trademark. Contact the Foundation as set
+forth in Section 3 below.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.F.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project
+Gutenberg&#8482; collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may
+contain &#8220;Defects,&#8221; such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate
+or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
+intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or
+other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or
+cannot be read by your equipment.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the &#8220;Right
+of Replacement or Refund&#8221; described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg&#8482; trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg&#8482; electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium
+with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you
+with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in
+lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person
+or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second
+opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If
+the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing
+without further opportunities to fix the problem.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you &#8216;AS-IS&#8217;, WITH NO
+OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT
+LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of
+damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement
+violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the
+agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or
+limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or
+unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the
+remaining provisions.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic works in
+accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the
+production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses,
+including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of
+the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this
+or any Project Gutenberg&#8482; work, (b) alteration, modification, or
+additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg&#8482; work, and (c) any
+Defect you cause.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'>
+Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg&#8482;
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+Project Gutenberg&#8482; is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of
+computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It
+exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations
+from people in all walks of life.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg&#8482;&#8217;s
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg&#8482; collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg&#8482; and future
+generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see
+Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'>
+Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service. The Foundation&#8217;s EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by
+U.S. federal laws and your state&#8217;s laws.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+The Foundation&#8217;s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West,
+Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up
+to date contact information can be found at the Foundation&#8217;s website
+and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'>
+Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+Project Gutenberg&#8482; depends upon and cannot survive without widespread
+public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND
+DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state
+visit <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org/donate/">www.gutenberg.org/donate</a>.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To
+donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; font-size:1.1em; margin:1em 0; font-weight:bold'>
+Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg&#8482; electronic works
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project
+Gutenberg&#8482; concept of a library of electronic works that could be
+freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and
+distributed Project Gutenberg&#8482; eBooks with only a loose network of
+volunteer support.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+Project Gutenberg&#8482; eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in
+the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not
+necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper
+edition.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+Most people start at our website which has the main PG search
+facility: <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>.
+</div>
+
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+This website includes information about Project Gutenberg&#8482;,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+</div>
+
+</div>
+
+</body>
+</html>
diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6312041
--- /dev/null
+++ b/LICENSE.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..03a3d35
--- /dev/null
+++ b/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #809 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/809)
diff --git a/old/hldrm10.txt b/old/hldrm10.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0c7ec94
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/hldrm10.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,1985 @@
+Project Gutenberg's Etext of Holiday Romance, by Charles Dickens
+#17 in our series by Charles Dickens
+
+
+Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check
+the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!!
+
+Please take a look at the important information in this header.
+We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an
+electronic path open for the next readers.  Do not remove this.
+
+
+**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
+
+**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
+
+*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations*
+
+Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and
+further information is included below.  We need your donations.
+
+
+Holiday Romance
+
+by Charles Dickens
+
+February, 1997  [Etext #809]
+
+
+Project Gutenberg's Etext of Holiday Romance, by Charles Dickens
+*****This file should be named hldrm10.txt or hldrm10.zip******
+
+Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, hldrm11.txt.
+VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, hldrm10a.txt.
+
+
+Scanned and proofed by David Price
+ccx074@coventry.ac.uk
+
+
+We are now trying to release all our books one month in advance
+of the official release dates, for time for better editing.
+
+Please note:  neither this list nor its contents are final till
+midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement.
+The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at
+Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month.  A
+preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment
+and editing by those who wish to do so.  To be sure you have an
+up to date first edition [xxxxx10x.xxx] please check file sizes
+in the first week of the next month.  Since our ftp program has
+a bug in it that scrambles the date [tried to fix and failed] a
+look at the file size will have to do, but we will try to see a
+new copy has at least one byte more or less.
+
+
+Information about Project Gutenberg (one page)
+
+We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work.  The
+fifty hours is one conservative estimate for how long it we take
+to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright
+searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc.  This
+projected audience is one hundred million readers.  If our value
+per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2
+million dollars per hour this year as we release thirty-two text
+files per month:  or 400 more Etexts in 1996 for a total of 800.
+If these reach just 10% of the computerized population, then the
+total should reach 80 billion Etexts.  We will try add 800 more,
+during 1997, but it will take all the effort we can manage to do
+the doubling of our library again this year, what with the other
+massive requirements it is going to take to get incorporated and
+establish something that will have some permanence.
+
+The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext
+Files by the December 31, 2001.  [10,000 x 100,000,000=Trillion]
+This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers,
+which is only 10% of the present number of computer users.  2001
+should have at least twice as many computer users as that, so it
+will require us reaching less than 5% of the users in 2001.
+
+
+We need your donations more than ever!
+
+
+All donations should be made to "Project Gutenberg"
+
+
+For these and other matters, please mail to:
+
+Project Gutenberg
+P. O. Box  2782
+Champaign, IL 61825
+
+When all other email fails try our Executive Director:
+Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com>
+
+We would prefer to send you this information by email
+(Internet, Bitnet, Compuserve, ATTMAIL or MCImail).
+
+******
+If you have an FTP program (or emulator), please
+FTP directly to the Project Gutenberg archives:
+[Mac users, do NOT point and click. . .type]
+
+ftp uiarchive.cso.uiuc.edu
+login:  anonymous
+password:  your@login
+cd etext/etext90 through /etext97
+or cd etext/articles [get suggest gut for more information]
+dir [to see files]
+get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files]
+GET INDEX?00.GUT
+for a list of books
+and
+GET NEW GUT for general information
+and
+MGET GUT* for newsletters.
+
+**Information prepared by the Project Gutenberg legal advisor**
+(Three Pages)
+
+
+***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START***
+Why is this "Small Print!" statement here?  You know: lawyers.
+They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with
+your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from
+someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our
+fault.  So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement
+disclaims most of our liability to you.  It also tells you how
+you can distribute copies of this etext if you want to.
+
+*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT
+By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm
+etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept
+this "Small Print!" statement.  If you do not, you can receive
+a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by
+sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person
+you got it from.  If you received this etext on a physical
+medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request.
+
+ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS
+This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-
+tm etexts, is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor
+Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg (the "Project").
+Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States
+copyright on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy
+and distribute it in the United States without permission and
+without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules, set forth
+below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext
+under the Project's "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark.
+
+To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable
+efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain
+works.  Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any
+medium they may be on may contain "Defects".  Among other
+things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
+intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged
+disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer
+codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.
+
+LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES
+But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below,
+[1] the Project (and any other party you may receive this
+etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including
+legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR
+UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT,
+INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE
+OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE
+POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.
+
+If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of
+receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any)
+you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that
+time to the person you received it from.  If you received it
+on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and
+such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement
+copy.  If you received it electronically, such person may
+choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to
+receive it electronically.
+
+THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS".  NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS
+TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT
+LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A
+PARTICULAR PURPOSE.
+
+Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or
+the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the
+above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you
+may have other legal rights.
+
+INDEMNITY
+You will indemnify and hold the Project, its directors,
+officers, members and agents harmless from all liability, cost
+and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or
+indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause:
+[1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification,
+or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect.
+
+DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm"
+You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by
+disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this
+"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg,
+or:
+
+[1]  Only give exact copies of it.  Among other things, this
+     requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the
+     etext or this "small print!" statement.  You may however,
+     if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable
+     binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form,
+     including any form resulting from conversion by word pro-
+     cessing or hypertext software, but only so long as
+     *EITHER*:
+
+     [*]  The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and
+          does *not* contain characters other than those
+          intended by the author of the work, although tilde
+          (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may
+          be used to convey punctuation intended by the
+          author, and additional characters may be used to
+          indicate hypertext links; OR
+
+     [*]  The etext may be readily converted by the reader at
+          no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent
+          form by the program that displays the etext (as is
+          the case, for instance, with most word processors);
+          OR
+
+     [*]  You provide, or agree to also provide on request at
+          no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the
+          etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC
+          or other equivalent proprietary form).
+
+[2]  Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this
+     "Small Print!" statement.
+
+[3]  Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the
+     net profits you derive calculated using the method you
+     already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  If you
+     don't derive profits, no royalty is due.  Royalties are
+     payable to "Project Gutenberg Association within the 60
+     days following each date you prepare (or were legally
+     required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent periodic)
+     tax return.
+
+WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO?
+The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time,
+scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty
+free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution
+you can think of.  Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg
+Association".
+
+*END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END*
+
+
+
+
+
+Holiday Romance, by Charles Dickens
+Scanned and proofed by David Price
+ccx074@coventry.ac.uk
+
+
+
+
+
+HOLIDAY ROMANCE - IN FOUR PARTS
+
+
+
+
+PART I - INTRODUCTORY ROMANCE PROM THE PEN OF WILLIAM TINKLING,
+ESQ. (Aged eight.)
+
+
+
+THIS beginning-part is not made out of anybody's head, you know.
+It's real.  You must believe this beginning-part more than what
+comes after, else you won't understand how what comes after came to
+be written.  You must believe it all; but you must believe this
+most, please.  I am the editor of it.  Bob Redforth (he's my
+cousin, and shaking the table on purpose) wanted to be the editor
+of it; but I said he shouldn't because he couldn't.  HE has no idea
+of being an editor.
+
+Nettie Ashford is my bride.  We were married in the right-hand
+closet in the corner of the dancing-school, where first we met,
+with a ring (a green one) from Wilkingwater's toy-shop.  I owed for
+it out of my pocket-money.  When the rapturous ceremony was over,
+we all four went up the lane and let off a cannon (brought loaded
+in Bob Redforth's waistcoat-pocket) to announce our nuptials.  It
+flew right up when it went off, and turned over.  Next day, Lieut.-
+Col. Robin Redforth was united, with similar ceremonies, to Alice
+Rainbird.  This time the cannon burst with a most terrific
+explosion, and made a puppy bark.
+
+My peerless bride was, at the period of which we now treat, in
+captivity at Miss Grimmer's.  Drowvey and Grimmer is the
+partnership, and opinion is divided which is the greatest beast.
+The lovely bride of the colonel was also immured in the dungeons of
+the same establishment.  A vow was entered into, between the
+colonel and myself, that we would cut them out on the following
+Wednesday when walking two and two.
+
+Under the desperate circumstances of the case, the active brain of
+the colonel, combining with his lawless pursuit (he is a pirate),
+suggested an attack with fireworks.  This, however, from motives of
+humanity, was abandoned as too expensive.
+
+Lightly armed with a paper-knife buttoned up under his jacket, and
+waving the dreaded black flag at the end of a cane, the colonel
+took command of me at two P.M. on the eventful and appointed day.
+He had drawn out the plan of attack on a piece of paper, which was
+rolled up round a hoop-stick.  He showed it to me.  My position and
+my full-length portrait (but my real ears don't stick out
+horizontal) was behind a corner lamp-post, with written orders to
+remain there till I should see Miss Drowvey fall.  The Drowvey who
+was to fall was the one in spectacles, not the one with the large
+lavender bonnet.  At that signal I was to rush forth, seize my
+bride, and fight my way to the lane.  There a junction would be
+effected between myself and the colonel; and putting our brides
+behind us, between ourselves and the palings, we were to conquer or
+die.
+
+The enemy appeared, - approached.  Waving his black flag, the
+colonel attacked.  Confusion ensued.  Anxiously I awaited my
+signal; but my signal came not.  So far from falling, the hated
+Drowvey in spectacles appeared to me to have muffled the colonel's
+head in his outlawed banner, and to be pitching into him with a
+parasol.  The one in the lavender bonnet also performed prodigies
+of valour with her fists on his back.  Seeing that all was for the
+moment lost, I fought my desperate way hand to hand to the lane.
+Through taking the back road, I was so fortunate as to meet nobody,
+and arrived there uninterrupted.
+
+It seemed an age ere the colonel joined me.  He had been to the
+jobbing tailor's to be sewn up in several places, and attributed
+our defeat to the refusal of the detested Drowvey to fall.  Finding
+her so obstinate, he had said to her, 'Die, recreant!' but had
+found her no more open to reason on that point than the other.
+
+My blooming bride appeared, accompanied by the colonel's bride, at
+the dancing-school next day.  What?  Was her face averted from me?
+Hah?  Even so.  With a look of scorn, she put into my hand a bit of
+paper, and took another partner.  On the paper was pencilled,
+'Heavens!  Can I write the word?  Is my husband a cow?'
+
+In the first bewilderment of my heated brain, I tried to think what
+slanderer could have traced my family to the ignoble animal
+mentioned above.  Vain were my endeavours.  At the end of that
+dance I whispered the colonel to come into the cloak-room, and I
+showed him the note.
+
+'There is a syllable wanting,' said he, with a gloomy brow.
+
+'Hah!  What syllable?' was my inquiry.
+
+'She asks, can she write the word?  And no; you see she couldn't,'
+said the colonel, pointing out the passage.
+
+'And the word was?' said I.
+
+'Cow - cow - coward,' hissed the pirate-colonel in my ear, and gave
+me back the note.
+
+Feeling that I must for ever tread the earth a branded boy, -
+person I mean, - or that I must clear up my honour, I demanded to
+be tried by a court-martial.  The colonel admitted my right to be
+tried.  Some difficulty was found in composing the court, on
+account of the Emperor of France's aunt refusing to let him come
+out.  He was to be the president.  Ere yet we had appointed a
+substitute, he made his escape over the back-wall, and stood among
+us, a free monarch.
+
+The court was held on the grass by the pond.  I recognised, in a
+certain admiral among my judges, my deadliest foe.  A cocoa-nut had
+given rise to language that I could not brook; but confiding in my
+innocence, and also in the knowledge that the President of the
+United States (who sat next him) owed me a knife, I braced myself
+for the ordeal.
+
+It was a solemn spectacle, that court.  Two executioners with
+pinafores reversed led me in.  Under the shade of an umbrella I
+perceived my bride, supported by the bride of the pirate-colonel.
+The president, having reproved a little female ensign for
+tittering, on a matter of life or death, called upon me to plead,
+'Coward or no coward, guilty or not guilty?'  I pleaded in a firm
+tone, 'No coward and not guilty.'  (The little female ensign being
+again reproved by the president for misconduct, mutinied, left the
+court, and threw stones.)
+
+My implacable enemy, the admiral, conducted the case against me.
+The colonel's bride was called to prove that I had remained behind
+the corner lamp-post during the engagement.  I might have been
+spared the anguish of my own bride's being also made a witness to
+the same point, but the admiral knew where to wound me.  Be still,
+my soul, no matter.  The colonel was then brought forward with his
+evidence.
+
+It was for this point that I had saved myself up, as the turning-
+point of my case.  Shaking myself free of my guards, - who had no
+business to hold me, the stupids, unless I was found guilty, - I
+asked the colonel what he considered the first duty of a soldier?
+Ere he could reply, the President of the United States rose and
+informed the court, that my foe, the admiral, had suggested
+'Bravery,' and that prompting a witness wasn't fair.  The president
+of the court immediately ordered the admiral's mouth to be filled
+with leaves, and tied up with string.  I had the satisfaction of
+seeing the sentence carried into effect before the proceedings went
+further.
+
+I then took a paper from my trousers-pocket, and asked, 'What do
+you consider, Col.  Redford, the first duty of a soldier?  Is it
+obedience?'
+
+'It is,' said the colonel.
+
+'Is that paper - please to look at it - in your hand?'
+
+'It is,' said the colonel.
+
+'Is it a military sketch?'
+
+'It is,' said the colonel.
+
+'Of an engagement?'
+
+'Quite so,' said the colonel.
+
+'Of the late engagement?'
+
+'Of the late engagement.'
+
+'Please to describe it, and then hand it to the president of the
+court.'
+
+From that triumphant moment my sufferings and my dangers were at an
+end.  The court rose up and jumped, on discovering that I had
+strictly obeyed orders.  My foe, the admiral, who though muzzled
+was malignant yet, contrived to suggest that I was dishonoured by
+having quitted the field.  But the colonel himself had done as
+much, and gave his opinion, upon his word and honour as a pirate,
+that when all was lost the field might be quitted without disgrace.
+I was going to be found 'No coward and not guilty,' and my blooming
+bride was going to be publicly restored to my arms in a procession,
+when an unlooked-for event disturbed the general rejoicing.  This
+was no other than the Emperor of France's aunt catching hold of his
+hair.  The proceedings abruptly terminated, and the court
+tumultuously dissolved.
+
+It was when the shades of the next evening but one were beginning
+to fall, ere yet the silver beams of Luna touched the earth, that
+four forms might have been descried slowly advancing towards the
+weeping willow on the borders of the pond, the now deserted scene
+of the day before yesterday's agonies and triumphs.  On a nearer
+approach, and by a practised eye, these might have been identified
+as the forms of the pirate-colonel with his bride, and of the day
+before yesterday's gallant prisoner with his bride.
+
+On the beauteous faces of the Nymphs dejection sat enthroned.  All
+four reclined under the willow for some minutes without speaking,
+till at length the bride of the colonel poutingly observed, 'It's
+of no use pretending any more, and we had better give it up.'
+
+'Hah!' exclaimed the pirate.  'Pretending?'
+
+'Don't go on like that; you worry me,' returned his bride.
+
+The lovely bride of Tinkling echoed the incredible declaration.
+The two warriors exchanged stony glances.
+
+'If,' said the bride of the pirate-colonel, 'grown-up people WON'T
+do what they ought to do, and WILL put us out, what comes of our
+pretending?'
+
+'We only get into scrapes,' said the bride of Tinkling.
+
+'You know very well,' pursued the colonel's bride, 'that Miss
+Drowvey wouldn't fall.  You complained of it yourself.  And you
+know how disgracefully the court-martial ended.  As to our
+marriage; would my people acknowledge it at home?'
+
+'Or would my people acknowledge ours?' said the bride of Tinkling.
+
+Again the two warriors exchanged stony glances.
+
+'If you knocked at the door and claimed me, after you were told to
+go away,' said the colonel's bride, 'you would only have your hair
+pulled, or your ears, or your nose.'
+
+'If you persisted in ringing at the bell and claiming me,' said the
+bride of Tinkling to that gentleman, 'you would have things dropped
+on your head from the window over the handle, or you would be
+played upon by the garden-engine.'
+
+'And at your own homes,' resumed the bride of the colonel, 'it
+would be just as bad.  You would be sent to bed, or something
+equally undignified.  Again, how would you support us?'
+
+The pirate-colonel replied in a courageous voice, 'By rapine!'  But
+his bride retorted, 'Suppose the grown-up people wouldn't be
+rapined?'  'Then,' said the colonel, 'they should pay the penalty
+in blood.' - 'But suppose they should object,' retorted his bride,
+'and wouldn't pay the penalty in blood or anything else?'
+
+A mournful silence ensued.
+
+'Then do you no longer love me, Alice?' asked the colonel.
+
+'Redforth!  I am ever thine,' returned his bride.
+
+'Then do you no longer love me, Nettie?' asked the present writer.
+
+'Tinkling!  I am ever thine,' returned my bride.
+
+We all four embraced.  Let me not be misunderstood by the giddy.
+The colonel embraced his own bride, and I embraced mine.  But two
+times two make four.
+
+'Nettie and I,' said Alice mournfully, 'have been considering our
+position.  The grown-up people are too strong for us.  They make us
+ridiculous.  Besides, they have changed the times.  William
+Tinkling's baby brother was christened yesterday.  What took place?
+Was any king present?  Answer, William.'
+
+I said No, unless disguised as Great-uncle Chopper.
+
+'Any queen?'
+
+There had been no queen that I knew of at our house.  There might
+have been one in the kitchen: but I didn't think so, or the
+servants would have mentioned it.
+
+'Any fairies?'
+
+None that were visible.
+
+'We had an idea among us, I think,' said Alice, with a melancholy
+smile, 'we four, that Miss Grimmer would prove to be the wicked
+fairy, and would come in at the christening with her crutch-stick,
+and give the child a bad gift.  Was there anything of that sort?
+Answer, William.'
+
+I said that ma had said afterwards (and so she had), that Great-
+uncle Chopper's gift was a shabby one; but she hadn't said a bad
+one.  She had called it shabby, electrotyped, second-hand, and
+below his income.
+
+'It must be the grown-up people who have changed all this,' said
+Alice.  'WE couldn't have changed it, if we had been so inclined,
+and we never should have been.  Or perhaps Miss Grimmer IS a wicked
+fairy after all, and won't act up to it because the grown-up people
+have persuaded her not to.  Either way, they would make us
+ridiculous if we told them what we expected.'
+
+'Tyrants!' muttered the pirate-colonel.
+
+'Nay, my Redforth,' said Alice, 'say not so.  Call not names, my
+Redforth, or they will apply to pa.'
+
+'Let 'em,' said the colonel.  'I do not care.  Who's he?'
+
+Tinkling here undertook the perilous task of remonstrating with his
+lawless friend, who consented to withdraw the moody expressions
+above quoted.
+
+'What remains for us to do?' Alice went on in her mild, wise way.
+'We must educate, we must pretend in a new manner, we must wait.'
+
+The colonel clenched his teeth, - four out in front, and a piece of
+another, and he had been twice dragged to the door of a dentist-
+despot, but had escaped from his guards.  'How educate?  How
+pretend in a new manner?  How wait?'
+
+'Educate the grown-up people,' replied Alice.  'We part to-night.
+Yes, Redforth,' - for the colonel tucked up his cuffs, - 'part to-
+night!  Let us in these next holidays, now going to begin, throw
+our thoughts into something educational for the grown-up people,
+hinting to them how things ought to be.  Let us veil our meaning
+under a mask of romance; you, I, and Nettie.  William Tinkling
+being the plainest and quickest writer, shall copy out.  Is it
+agreed?'
+
+The colonel answered sulkily, 'I don't mind.'  He then asked, 'How
+about pretending?'
+
+'We will pretend,' said Alice, 'that we are children; not that we
+are those grown-up people who won't help us out as they ought, and
+who understand us so badly.'
+
+The colonel, still much dissatisfied, growled, 'How about waiting?'
+
+'We will wait,' answered little Alice, taking Nettie's hand in
+hers, and looking up to the sky, 'we will wait - ever constant and
+true - till the times have got so changed as that everything helps
+us out, and nothing makes us ridiculous, and the fairies have come
+back.  We will wait - ever constant and true - till we are eighty,
+ninety, or one hundred.  And then the fairies will send US
+children, and we will help them out, poor pretty little creatures,
+if they pretend ever so much.'
+
+'So we will, dear,' said Nettie Ashford, taking her round the waist
+with both arms and kissing her.  'And now if my husband will go and
+buy some cherries for us, I have got some money.'
+
+In the friendliest manner I invited the colonel to go with me; but
+he so far forgot himself as to acknowledge the invitation by
+kicking out behind, and then lying down on his stomach on the
+grass, pulling it up and chewing it.  When I came back, however,
+Alice had nearly brought him out of his vexation, and was soothing
+him by telling him how soon we should all be ninety.
+
+As we sat under the willow-tree and ate the cherries (fair, for
+Alice shared them out), we played at being ninety.  Nettie
+complained that she had a bone in her old back, and it made her
+hobble; and Alice sang a song in an old woman's way, but it was
+very pretty, and we were all merry.  At least, I don't know about
+merry exactly, but all comfortable.
+
+There was a most tremendous lot of cherries; and Alice always had
+with her some neat little bag or box or case, to hold things.  In
+it that night was a tiny wine-glass.  So Alice and Nettie said they
+would make some cherry-wine to drink our love at parting.
+
+Each of us had a glassful, and it was delicious; and each of us
+drank the toast, 'Our love at parting.'  The colonel drank his wine
+last; and it got into my head directly that it got into his
+directly.  Anyhow, his eyes rolled immediately after he had turned
+the glass upside down; and he took me on one side and proposed in a
+hoarse whisper, that we should 'Cut 'em out still.'
+
+'How did he mean?' I asked my lawless friend.
+
+'Cut our brides out,' said the colonel, 'and then cut our way,
+without going down a single turning, bang to the Spanish main!'
+
+We might have tried it, though I didn't think it would answer; only
+we looked round and saw that there was nothing but moon-light under
+the willow-tree, and that our pretty, pretty wives were gone.  We
+burst out crying.  The colonel gave in second, and came to first;
+but he gave in strong.
+
+We were ashamed of our red eyes, and hung about for half-an-hour to
+whiten them.  Likewise a piece of chalk round the rims, I doing the
+colonel's, and he mine, but afterwards found in the bedroom
+looking-glass not natural, besides inflammation.  Our conversation
+turned on being ninety.  The colonel told me he had a pair of boots
+that wanted soling and heeling; but he thought it hardly worth
+while to mention it to his father, as he himself should so soon be
+ninety, when he thought shoes would be more convenient.  The
+colonel also told me, with his hand upon his hip, that he felt
+himself already getting on in life, and turning rheumatic.  And I
+told him the same.  And when they said at our house at supper (they
+are always bothering about something) that I stooped, I felt so
+glad!
+
+This is the end of the beginning-part that you were to believe
+most.
+
+
+
+PART II. -  ROMANCE.  FROM THE PEN OF MISS ALICE RAINBIRD (Aged
+seven.)
+
+
+
+THERE was once a king, and he had a queen; and he was the manliest
+of his sex, and she was the loveliest of hers.  The king was, in
+his private profession, under government.  The queen's father had
+been a medical man out of town.
+
+They had nineteen children, and were always having more.  Seventeen
+of these children took care of the baby; and Alicia, the eldest,
+took care of them all.  Their ages varied from seven years to seven
+months.
+
+Let us now resume our story.
+
+One day the king was going to the office, when he stopped at the
+fishmonger's to buy a pound and a half of salmon not too near the
+tail, which the queen (who was a careful housekeeper) had requested
+him to send home.  Mr. Pickles, the fishmonger, said, 'Certainly,
+sir; is there any other article?  Good-morning.'
+
+The king went on towards the office in a melancholy mood; for
+quarter-day was such a long way off, and several of the dear
+children were growing out of their clothes.  He had not proceeded
+far, when Mr. Pickles's errand-boy came running after him, and
+said, 'Sir, you didn't notice the old lady in our shop.'
+
+'What old lady?' inquired the king.  'I saw none.'
+
+Now the king had not seen any old lady, because this old lady had
+been invisible to him, though visible to Mr. Pickles's boy.
+Probably because he messed and splashed the water about to that
+degree, and flopped the pairs of soles down in that violent manner,
+that, if she had not been visible to him, he would have spoilt her
+clothes.
+
+Just then the old lady came trotting up.  She was dressed in shot-
+silk of the richest quality, smelling of dried lavender.
+
+'King Watkins the First, I believe?' said the old lady.
+
+'Watkins,' replied the king, 'is my name.'
+
+'Papa, if I am not mistaken, of the beautiful Princess Alicia?'
+said the old lady.
+
+'And of eighteen other darlings,' replied the king.
+
+'Listen.  You are going to the office,' said the old lady.
+
+It instantly flashed upon the king that she must be a fairy, or how
+could she know that?
+
+'You are right,' said the old lady, answering his thoughts.  'I am
+the good Fairy Grandmarina.  Attend!  When you return home to
+dinner, politely invite the Princess Alicia to have some of the
+salmon you bought just now.'
+
+'It may disagree with her,' said the king.
+
+The old lady became so very angry at this absurd idea, that the
+king was quite alarmed, and humbly begged her pardon.
+
+'We hear a great deal too much about this thing disagreeing, and
+that thing disagreeing,' said the old lady, with the greatest
+contempt it was possible to express.  'Don't be greedy.  I think
+you want it all yourself.'
+
+The king hung his head under this reproof, and said he wouldn't
+talk about things disagreeing any more.
+
+'Be good, then,' said the Fairy Grandmarina, 'and don't.  When the
+beautiful Princess Alicia consents to partake of the salmon, - as I
+think she will, - you will find she will leave a fish-bone on her
+plate.  Tell her to dry it, and to rub it, and to polish it till it
+shines like mother-of-pearl, and to take care of it as a present
+from me.'
+
+'Is that all?' asked the king.
+
+'Don't be impatient, sir,' returned the Fairy Grandmarina, scolding
+him severely.  'Don't catch people short, before they have done
+speaking.  Just the way with you grown-up persons.  You are always
+doing it.'
+
+The king again hung his head, and said he wouldn't do so any more.
+
+'Be good, then,' said the Fairy Grandmarina, 'and don't!  Tell the
+Princess Alicia, with my love, that the fish-bone is a magic
+present which can only be used once; but that it will bring her,
+that once, whatever she wishes for, PROVIDED SHE WISHES FOR IT AT
+THE RIGHT TIME.  That is the message.  Take care of it.'
+
+The king was beginning, 'Might I ask the reason?' when the fairy
+became absolutely furious.
+
+'WILL you be good, sir?' she exclaimed, stamping her foot on the
+ground.  'The reason for this, and the reason for that, indeed!
+You are always wanting the reason.  No reason.  There!  Hoity toity
+me!  I am sick of your grown-up reasons.'
+
+The king was extremely frightened by the old lady's flying into
+such a passion, and said he was very sorry to have offended her,
+and he wouldn't ask for reasons any more.
+
+'Be good, then,' said the old lady, 'and don't!'
+
+With those words, Grandmarina vanished, and the king went on and on
+and on, till he came to the office.  There he wrote and wrote and
+wrote, till it was time to go home again.  Then he politely invited
+the Princess Alicia, as the fairy had directed him, to partake of
+the salmon.  And when she had enjoyed it very much, he saw the
+fish-bone on her plate, as the fairy had told him he would, and he
+delivered the fairy's message, and the Princess Alicia took care to
+dry the bone, and to rub it, and to polish it, till it shone like
+mother-of-pearl.
+
+And so, when the queen was going to get up in the morning, she
+said, 'O, dear me, dear me; my head, my head!' and then she fainted
+away.
+
+The Princess Alicia, who happened to be looking in at the chamber-
+door, asking about breakfast, was very much alarmed when she saw
+her royal mamma in this state, and she rang the bell for Peggy,
+which was the name of the lord chamberlain.  But remembering where
+the smelling-bottle was, she climbed on a chair and got it; and
+after that she climbed on another chair by the bedside, and held
+the smelling-bottle to the queen's nose; and after that she jumped
+down and got some water; and after that she jumped up again and
+wetted the queen's forehead; and, in short, when the lord
+chamberlain came in, that dear old woman said to the little
+princess, 'What a trot you are!  I couldn't have done it better
+myself!'
+
+But that was not the worst of the good queen's illness.  O, no!
+She was very ill indeed, for a long time.  The Princess Alicia kept
+the seventeen young princes and princesses quiet, and dressed and
+undressed and danced the baby, and made the kettle boil, and heated
+the soup, and swept the hearth, and poured out the medicine, and
+nursed the queen, and did all that ever she could, and was as busy,
+busy, busy as busy could be; for there were not many servants at
+that palace for three reasons: because the king was short of money,
+because a rise in his office never seemed to come, and because
+quarter-day was so far off that it looked almost as far off and as
+little as one of the stars.
+
+But on the morning when the queen fainted away, where was the magic
+fish-bone?  Why, there it was in the Princess Alicia's pocket!  She
+had almost taken it out to bring the queen to life again, when she
+put it back, and looked for the smelling-bottle.
+
+After the queen had come out of her swoon that morning, and was
+dozing, the Princess Alicia hurried up-stairs to tell a most
+particular secret to a most particularly confidential friend of
+hers, who was a duchess.  People did suppose her to be a doll; but
+she was really a duchess, though nobody knew it except the
+princess.
+
+This most particular secret was the secret about the magic fish-
+bone, the history of which was well known to the duchess, because
+the princess told her everything.  The princess kneeled down by the
+bed on which the duchess was lying, full-dressed and wide awake,
+and whispered the secret to her.  The duchess smiled and nodded.
+People might have supposed that she never smiled and nodded; but
+she often did, though nobody knew it except the princess.
+
+Then the Princess Alicia hurried down-stairs again, to keep watch
+in the queen's room.  She often kept watch by herself in the
+queen's room; but every evening, while the illness lasted, she sat
+there watching with the king.  And every evening the king sat
+looking at her with a cross look, wondering why she never brought
+out the magic fish-bone.  As often as she noticed this, she ran up-
+stairs, whispered the secret to the duchess over again, and said to
+the duchess besides, 'They think we children never have a reason or
+a meaning!'  And the duchess, though the most fashionable duchess
+that ever was heard of, winked her eye.
+
+'Alicia,' said the king, one evening, when she wished him good-
+night.
+
+'Yes, papa.'
+
+'What is become of the magic fish-bone?'
+
+'In my pocket, papa!'
+
+'I thought you had lost it?'
+
+'O, no, papa!'
+
+'Or forgotten it?'
+
+'No, indeed, papa.'
+
+And so another time the dreadful little snapping pug-dog, next
+door, made a rush at one of the young princes as he stood on the
+steps coming home from school, and terrified him out of his wits;
+and he put his hand through a pane of glass, and bled, bled, bled.
+When the seventeen other young princes and princesses saw him
+bleed, bleed, bleed, they were terrified out of their wits too, and
+screamed themselves black in their seventeen faces all at once.
+But the Princess Alicia put her hands over all their seventeen
+mouths, one after another, and persuaded them to be quiet because
+of the sick queen.  And then she put the wounded prince's hand in a
+basin of fresh cold water, while they stared with their twice
+seventeen are thirty-four, put down four and carry three, eyes, and
+then she looked in the hand for bits of glass, and there were
+fortunately no bits of glass there.  And then she said to two
+chubby-legged princes, who were sturdy though small, 'Bring me in
+the royal rag-bag: I must snip and stitch and cut and contrive.'
+So these two young princes tugged at the royal rag-bag, and lugged
+it in; and the Princess Alicia sat down on the floor, with a large
+pair of scissors and a needle and thread, and snipped and stitched
+and cut and contrived, and made a bandage, and put it on, and it
+fitted beautifully; and so when it was all done, she saw the king
+her papa looking on by the door.
+
+'Alicia.'
+
+'Yes, papa.'
+
+'What have you been doing?'
+
+'Snipping, stitching, cutting, and contriving, papa.'
+
+'Where is the magic fish-bone?'
+
+'In my pocket, papa.'
+
+'I thought you had lost it?'
+
+'O, no, papa.'
+
+'Or forgotten it?'
+
+'No, indeed, papa.'
+
+After that, she ran up-stairs to the duchess, and told her what had
+passed, and told her the secret over again; and the duchess shook
+her flaxen curls, and laughed with her rosy lips.
+
+Well! and so another time the baby fell under the grate.  The
+seventeen young princes and princesses were used to it; for they
+were almost always falling under the grate or down the stairs; but
+the baby was not used to it yet, and it gave him a swelled face and
+a black eye.  The way the poor little darling came to tumble was,
+that he was out of the Princess Alicia's lap just as she was
+sitting, in a great coarse apron that quite smothered her, in front
+of the kitchen-fire, beginning to peel the turnips for the broth
+for dinner; and the way she came to be doing that was, that the
+king's cook had run away that morning with her own true love, who
+was a very tall but very tipsy soldier.  Then the seventeen young
+princes and princesses, who cried at everything that happened,
+cried and roared.  But the Princess Alicia (who couldn't help
+crying a little herself) quietly called to them to be still, on
+account of not throwing back the queen up-stairs, who was fast
+getting well, and said, 'Hold your tongues, you wicked little
+monkeys, every one of you, while I examine baby!'  Then she
+examined baby, and found that he hadn't broken anything; and she
+held cold iron to his poor dear eye, and smoothed his poor dear
+face, and he presently fell asleep in her arms.  Then she said to
+the seventeen princes and princesses, 'I am afraid to let him down
+yet, lest he should wake and feel pain; be good, and you shall all
+be cooks.'  They jumped for joy when they heard that, and began
+making themselves cooks' caps out of old newspapers.  So to one she
+gave the salt-box, and to one she gave the barley, and to one she
+gave the herbs, and to one she gave the turnips, and to one she
+gave the carrots, and to one she gave the onions, and to one she
+gave the spice-box, till they were all cooks, and all running about
+at work, she sitting in the middle, smothered in the great coarse
+apron, nursing baby.  By and by the broth was done; and the baby
+woke up, smiling, like an angel, and was trusted to the sedatest
+princess to hold, while the other princes and princesses were
+squeezed into a far-off corner to look at the Princess Alicia
+turning out the saucepanful of broth, for fear (as they were always
+getting into trouble) they should get splashed and scalded.  When
+the broth came tumbling out, steaming beautifully, and smelling
+like a nosegay good to eat, they clapped their hands.  That made
+the baby clap his hands; and that, and his looking as if he had a
+comic toothache, made all the princes and princesses laugh.  So the
+Princess Alicia said, 'Laugh and be good; and after dinner we will
+make him a nest on the floor in a corner, and he shall sit in his
+nest and see a dance of eighteen cooks.'  That delighted the young
+princes and princesses, and they ate up all the broth, and washed
+up all the plates and dishes, and cleared away, and pushed the
+table into a corner; and then they in their cooks' caps, and the
+Princess Alicia in the smothering coarse apron that belonged to the
+cook that had run away with her own true love that was the very
+tall but very tipsy soldier, danced a dance of eighteen cooks
+before the angelic baby, who forgot his swelled face and his black
+eye, and crowed with joy.
+
+And so then, once more the Princess Alicia saw King Watkins the
+First, her father, standing in the doorway looking on, and he said,
+'What have you been doing, Alicia?'
+
+'Cooking and contriving, papa.'
+
+'What else have you been doing, Alicia?'
+
+'Keeping the children light-hearted, papa.'
+
+'Where is the magic fish-bone, Alicia?
+
+'In my pocket, papa.'
+
+'I thought you had lost it?'
+
+'O, no, papa!'
+
+'Or forgotten it?'
+
+'No, indeed, papa.'
+
+The king then sighed so heavily, and seemed so low-spirited, and
+sat down so miserably, leaning his head upon his hand, and his
+elbow upon the kitchen-table pushed away in the corner, that the
+seventeen princes and princesses crept softly out of the kitchen,
+and left him alone with the Princess Alicia and the angelic baby.
+
+'What is the matter, papa?'
+
+'I am dreadfully poor, my child.'
+
+'Have you no money at all, papa?'
+
+'None, my child.'
+
+'Is there no way of getting any, papa?'
+
+'No way,' said the king.  'I have tried very hard, and I have tried
+all ways.'
+
+When she heard those last words, the Princess Alicia began to put
+her hand into the pocket where she kept the magic fish-bone.
+
+'Papa,' said she, 'when we have tried very hard, and tried all
+ways, we must have done our very, very best?'
+
+'No doubt, Alicia.'
+
+'When we have done our very, very best, papa, and that is not
+enough, then I think the right time must have come for asking help
+of others.'  This was the very secret connected with the magic
+fish-bone, which she had found out for herself from the good Fairy
+Grandmarina's words, and which she had so often whispered to her
+beautiful and fashionable friend, the duchess.
+
+So she took out of her pocket the magic fish-bone, that had been
+dried and rubbed and polished till it shone like mother-of-pearl;
+and she gave it one little kiss, and wished it was quarter-day.
+And immediately it WAS quarter-day; and the king's quarter's salary
+came rattling down the chimney, and bounced into the middle of the
+floor.
+
+But this was not half of what happened, - no, not a quarter; for
+immediately afterwards the good Fairy Grandmarina came riding in,
+in a carriage and four (peacocks), with Mr. Pickles's boy up
+behind, dressed in silver and gold, with a cocked-hat, powdered-
+hair, pink silk stockings, a jewelled cane, and a nosegay.  Down
+jumped Mr. Pickles's boy, with his cocked-hat in his hand, and
+wonderfully polite (being entirely changed by enchantment), and
+handed Grandmarina out; and there she stood, in her rich shot-silk
+smelling of dried lavender, fanning herself with a sparkling fan.
+
+'Alicia, my dear,' said this charming old fairy, 'how do you do?  I
+hope I see you pretty well?  Give me a kiss.'
+
+The Princess Alicia embraced her; and then Grandmarina turned to
+the king, and said rather sharply, 'Are you good?'  The king said
+he hoped so.
+
+'I suppose you know the reason NOW, why my god-daughter here,'
+kissing the princess again, 'did not apply to the fish-bone
+sooner?' said the fairy.
+
+The king made a shy bow.
+
+'Ah! but you didn't THEN?' said the fairy.
+
+The king made a shyer bow.
+
+'Any more reasons to ask for?' said the fairy.
+
+The king said, No, and he was very sorry.
+
+'Be good, then,' said the fairy, 'and live happy ever afterwards.'
+
+Then Grandmarina waved her fan, and the queen came in most
+splendidly dressed; and the seventeen young princes and princesses,
+no longer grown out of their clothes, came in, newly fitted out
+from top to toe, with tucks in everything to admit of its being let
+out.  After that, the fairy tapped the Princess Alicia with her
+fan; and the smothering coarse apron flew away, and she appeared
+exquisitely dressed, like a little bride, with a wreath of orange-
+flowers and a silver veil.  After that, the kitchen dresser changed
+of itself into a wardrobe, made of beautiful woods and gold and
+looking glass, which was full of dresses of all sorts, all for her
+and all exactly fitting her.  After that, the angelic baby came in,
+running alone, with his face and eye not a bit the worse, but much
+the better.  Then Grandmarina begged to be introduced to the
+duchess; and, when the duchess was brought down, many compliments
+passed between them.
+
+A little whispering took place between the fairy and the duchess;
+and then the fairy said out loud, 'Yes, I thought she would have
+told you.'  Grandmarina then turned to the king and queen, and
+said, 'We are going in search of Prince Certainpersonio.  The
+pleasure of your company is requested at church in half an hour
+precisely.'  So she and the Princess Alicia got into the carriage;
+and Mr. Pickles's boy handed in the duchess, who sat by herself on
+the opposite seat; and then Mr. Pickles's boy put up the steps and
+got up behind, and the peacocks flew away with their tails behind.
+
+Prince Certainpersonio was sitting by himself, eating barley-sugar,
+and waiting to be ninety.  When he saw the peacocks, followed by
+the carriage, coming in at the window it immediately occurred to
+him that something uncommon was going to happen.
+
+'Prince,' said Grandmarina, 'I bring you your bride.'  The moment
+the fairy said those words, Prince Certainpersonio's face left off
+being sticky, and his jacket and corduroys changed to peach-bloom
+velvet, and his hair curled, and a cap and feather flew in like a
+bird and settled on his head.  He got into the carriage by the
+fairy's invitation; and there he renewed his acquaintance with the
+duchess, whom he had seen before.
+
+In the church were the prince's relations and friends, and the
+Princess Alicia's relations and friends, and the seventeen princes
+and princesses, and the baby, and a crowd of the neighbours.  The
+marriage was beautiful beyond expression.  The duchess was
+bridesmaid, and beheld the ceremony from the pulpit, where she was
+supported by the cushion of the desk.
+
+Grandmarina gave a magnificent wedding-feast afterwards, in which
+there was everything and more to eat, and everything and more to
+drink.  The wedding-cake was delicately ornamented with white satin
+ribbons, frosted silver, and white lilies, and was forty-two yards
+round.
+
+When Grandmarina had drunk her love to the young couple, and Prince
+Certainpersonio had made a speech, and everybody had cried, Hip,
+hip, hip, hurrah! Grandmarina announced to the king and queen that
+in future there would be eight quarter-days in every year, except
+in leap-year, when there would be ten.  She then turned to
+Certainpersonio and Alicia, and said, 'My dears, you will have
+thirty-five children, and they will all be good and beautiful.
+Seventeen of your children will be boys, and eighteen will be
+girls.  The hair of the whole of your children will curl naturally.
+They will never have the measles, and will have recovered from the
+whooping-cough before being born.'
+
+On hearing such good news, everybody cried out 'Hip, hip, hip,
+hurrah!' again.
+
+'It only remains,' said Grandmarina in conclusion, 'to make an end
+of the fish-bone.'
+
+So she took it from the hand of the Princess Alicia, and it
+instantly flew down the throat of the dreadful little snapping pug-
+dog, next door, and choked him, and he expired in convulsions.
+
+
+
+PART III. - ROMANCE.  FROM THE PEN OF LIEUT.-COL. ROBIN REDFORTH
+(Aged nine.)
+
+
+
+THE subject of our present narrative would appear to have devoted
+himself to the pirate profession at a comparatively early age.  We
+find him in command of a splendid schooner of one hundred guns
+loaded to the muzzle, ere yet he had had a party in honour of his
+tenth birthday.
+
+It seems that our hero, considering himself spited by a Latin-
+grammar master, demanded the satisfaction due from one man of
+honour to another. - Not getting it, he privately withdrew his
+haughty spirit from such low company, bought a second-hand pocket-
+pistol, folded up some sandwiches in a paper bag, made a bottle of
+Spanish liquorice-water, and entered on a career of valour.
+
+It were tedious to follow Boldheart (for such was his name) through
+the commencing stages of his story.  Suffice it, that we find him
+bearing the rank of Capt. Boldheart, reclining in full uniform on a
+crimson hearth-rug spread out upon the quarter-deck of his schooner
+'The Beauty,' in the China seas.  It was a lovely evening; and, as
+his crew lay grouped about him, he favoured them with the following
+melody:
+
+
+O landsmen are folly!
+O pirates are jolly!
+O diddleum Dolly,
+Di!
+CHORUS. - Heave yo.
+
+
+The soothing effect of these animated sounds floating over the
+waters, as the common sailors united their rough voices to take up
+the rich tones of Boldheart, may be more easily conceived than
+described.
+
+It was under these circumstances that the look-out at the masthead
+gave the word, 'Whales!'
+
+All was now activity.
+
+'Where away?' cried Capt. Boldheart, starting up.
+
+'On the larboard bow, sir,' replied the fellow at the masthead,
+touching his hat.  For such was the height of discipline on board
+of 'The Beauty,' that, even at that height, he was obliged to mind
+it, or be shot through the head.
+
+'This adventure belongs to me,' said Boldheart.  'Boy, my harpoon.
+Let no man follow;' and leaping alone into his boat, the captain
+rowed with admirable dexterity in the direction of the monster.
+
+All was now excitement.
+
+'He nears him!' said an elderly seaman, following the captain
+through his spy-glass.
+
+'He strikes him!' said another seaman, a mere stripling, but also
+with a spy-glass.
+
+'He tows him towards us!' said another seaman, a man in the full
+vigour of life, but also with a spy-glass.
+
+In fact, the captain was seen approaching, with the huge bulk
+following.  We will not dwell on the deafening cries of 'Boldheart!
+Boldheart!' with which he was received, when, carelessly leaping on
+the quarter-deck, he presented his prize to his men.  They
+afterwards made two thousand four hundred and seventeen pound ten
+and sixpence by it.
+
+Ordering the sail to be braced up, the captain now stood W.N.W.
+'The Beauty' flew rather than floated over the dark blue waters.
+Nothing particular occurred for a fortnight, except taking, with
+considerable slaughter, four Spanish galleons, and a snow from
+South America, all richly laden.  Inaction began to tell upon the
+spirits of the men.  Capt. Boldheart called all hands aft, and
+said, 'My lads, I hear there are discontented ones among ye.  Let
+any such stand forth.'
+
+After some murmuring, in which the expressions, 'Ay, ay, sir!'
+'Union Jack,' 'Avast,' 'Starboard,' 'Port,' 'Bowsprit,' and similar
+indications of a mutinous undercurrent, though subdued, were
+audible, Bill Boozey, captain of the foretop, came out from the
+rest.  His form was that of a giant, but he quailed under the
+captain's eye.
+
+'What are your wrongs?' said the captain.
+
+'Why, d'ye see, Capt. Boldheart,' replied the towering manner,
+'I've sailed, man and boy, for many a year, but I never yet know'd
+the milk served out for the ship's company's teas to be so sour as
+'tis aboard this craft.'
+
+At this moment the thrilling cry, 'Man overboard!' announced to the
+astonished crew that Boozey, in stepping back, as the captain (in
+mere thoughtfulness) laid his hand upon the faithful pocket-pistol
+which he wore in his belt, had lost his balance, and was struggling
+with the foaming tide.
+
+All was now stupefaction.
+
+But with Capt. Boldheart, to throw off his uniform coat, regardless
+of the various rich orders with which it was decorated, and to
+plunge into the sea after the drowning giant, was the work of a
+moment.  Maddening was the excitement when boats were lowered;
+intense the joy when the captain was seen holding up the drowning
+man with his teeth; deafening the cheering when both were restored
+to the main deck of 'The Beauty.'  And, from the instant of his
+changing his wet clothes for dry ones, Capt. Boldheart had no such
+devoted though humble friend as William Boozey.
+
+Boldheart now pointed to the horizon, and called the attention of
+his crew to the taper spars of a ship lying snug in harbour under
+the guns of a fort.
+
+'She shall be ours at sunrise,' said he.  'Serve out a double
+allowance of grog, and prepare for action.'
+
+All was now preparation.
+
+When morning dawned, after a sleepless night, it was seen that the
+stranger was crowding on all sail to come out of the harbour and
+offer battle.  As the two ships came nearer to each other, the
+stranger fired a gun and hoisted Roman colours.  Boldheart then
+perceived her to be the Latin-grammar master's bark.  Such indeed
+she was, and had been tacking about the world in unavailing
+pursuit, from the time of his first taking to a roving life.
+
+Boldheart now addressed his men, promising to blow them up if he
+should feel convinced that their reputation required it, and giving
+orders that the Latin-grammar master should be taken alive.  He
+then dismissed them to their quarters, and the fight began with a
+broadside from 'The Beauty.'  She then veered around, and poured in
+another.  'The Scorpion' (so was the bark of the Latin-grammar
+master appropriately called) was not slow to return her fire; and a
+terrific cannonading ensued, in which the guns of 'The Beauty' did
+tremendous execution.
+
+The Latin-grammar master was seen upon the poop, in the midst of
+the smoke and fire, encouraging his men.  To do him justice, he was
+no craven, though his white hat, his short gray trousers, and his
+long snuff-coloured surtout reaching to his heels (the self-same
+coat in which he had spited Boldheart), contrasted most
+unfavourably with the brilliant uniform of the latter.  At this
+moment, Boldheart, seizing a pike and putting himself at the head
+of his men, gave the word to board.
+
+A desperate conflict ensued in the hammock-nettings, - or somewhere
+in about that direction, - until the Latin-grammar master, having
+all his masts gone, his hull and rigging shot through, and seeing
+Boldheart slashing a path towards him, hauled down his flag
+himself, gave up his sword to Boldheart, and asked for quarter.
+Scarce had he been put into the captain's boat, ere 'The Scorpion'
+went down with all on board.
+
+On Capt. Boldheart's now assembling his men, a circumstance
+occurred.  He found it necessary with one blow of his cutlass to
+kill the cook, who, having lost his brother in the late action, was
+making at the Latin-grammar master in an infuriated state, intent
+on his destruction with a carving-knife.
+
+Capt. Boldheart then turned to the Latin-grammar master, severely
+reproaching him with his perfidy, and put it to his crew what they
+considered that a master who spited a boy deserved.
+
+They answered with one voice, 'Death.'
+
+'It may be so,' said the captain; 'but it shall never be said that
+Boldheart stained his hour of triumph with the blood of his enemy.
+Prepare the cutter.'
+
+The cutter was immediately prepared.
+
+'Without taking your life,' said the captain, 'I must yet for ever
+deprive you of the power of spiting other boys.  I shall turn you
+adrift in this boat.  You will find in her two oars, a compass, a
+bottle of rum, a small cask of water, a piece of pork, a bag of
+biscuit, and my Latin grammar.  Go! and spite the natives, if you
+can find any.'
+
+Deeply conscious of this bitter sarcasm, the unhappy wretch was put
+into the cutter, and was soon left far behind.  He made no effort
+to row, but was seen lying on his back with his legs up, when last
+made out by the ship's telescopes.
+
+A stiff breeze now beginning to blow, Capt. Boldheart gave orders
+to keep her S.S.W., easing her a little during the night by falling
+off a point or two W. by W., or even by W.S., if she complained
+much.  He then retired for the night, having in truth much need of
+repose.  In addition to the fatigues he had undergone, this brave
+officer had received sixteen wounds in the engagement, but had not
+mentioned it.
+
+In the morning a white squall came on, and was succeeded by other
+squalls of various colours.  It thundered and lightened heavily for
+six weeks.  Hurricanes then set in for two months.  Waterspouts and
+tornadoes followed.  The oldest sailor on board - and he was a very
+old one - had never seen such weather.  'The Beauty' lost all idea
+where she was, and the carpenter reported six feet two of water in
+the hold.  Everybody fell senseless at the pumps every day.
+
+Provisions now ran very low.  Our hero put the crew on short
+allowance, and put himself on shorter allowance than any man in the
+ship.  But his spirit kept him fat.  In this extremity, the
+gratitude of Boozey, the captain of the foretop, whom our readers
+may remember, was truly affecting.  The loving though lowly William
+repeatedly requested to be killed, and preserved for the captain's
+table.
+
+We now approach a change of affairs.  One day during a gleam of
+sunshine, and when the weather had moderated, the man at the
+masthead - too weak now to touch his hat, besides its having been
+blown away - called out,
+
+'Savages!'
+
+All was now expectation.
+
+Presently fifteen hundred canoes, each paddled by twenty savages,
+were seen advancing in excellent order.  They were of a light green
+colour (the savages were), and sang, with great energy, the
+following strain:
+
+
+Choo a choo a choo tooth.
+Muntch, muntch.  Nycey!
+Choo a choo a choo tooth.
+Muntch, muntch.  Nycey!
+
+
+As the shades of night were by this time closing in, these
+expressions were supposed to embody this simple people's views of
+the evening hymn.  But it too soon appeared that the song was a
+translation of 'For what we are going to receive,' &c.
+
+The chief, imposingly decorated with feathers of lively colours,
+and having the majestic appearance of a fighting parrot, no sooner
+understood (he understood English perfectly) that the ship was 'The
+Beauty,' Capt. Boldheart, than he fell upon his face on the deck,
+and could not be persuaded to rise until the captain had lifted him
+up, and told him he wouldn't hurt him.  All the rest of the savages
+also fell on their faces with marks of terror, and had also to be
+lifted up one by one.  Thus the fame of the great Boldheart had
+gone before him, even among these children of Nature.
+
+Turtles and oysters were now produced in astonishing numbers; and
+on these and yams the people made a hearty meal.  After dinner the
+chief told Capt. Boldheart that there was better feeding up at the
+village, and that he would be glad to take him and his officers
+there.  Apprehensive of treachery, Boldheart ordered his boat's
+crew to attend him completely armed.  And well were it for other
+commanders if their precautions - but let us not anticipate.
+
+When the canoes arrived at the beach, the darkness of the night was
+illumined by the light of an immense fire.  Ordering his boat's
+crew (with the intrepid though illiterate William at their head) to
+keep close and be upon their guard, Boldheart bravely went on, arm
+in arm with the chief.
+
+But how to depict the captain's surprise when he found a ring of
+savages singing in chorus that barbarous translation of 'For what
+we are going to receive,' &c., which has been given above, and
+dancing hand in hand round the Latin-grammar master, in a hamper
+with his head shaved, while two savages floured him, before putting
+him to the fire to be cooked!
+
+Boldheart now took counsel with his officers on the course to be
+adopted.  In the mean time, the miserable captive never ceased
+begging pardon and imploring to be delivered.  On the generous
+Boldheart's proposal, it was at length resolved that he should not
+be cooked, but should be allowed to remain raw, on two conditions,
+namely:
+
+1. That he should never, under any circumstances, presume to teach
+any boy anything any more.
+
+2. That, if taken back to England, he should pass his life in
+travelling to find out boys who wanted their exercises done, and
+should do their exercises for those boys for nothing, and never say
+a word about it.
+
+Drawing the sword from its sheath, Boldheart swore him to these
+conditions on its shining blade.  The prisoner wept bitterly, and
+appeared acutely to feel the errors of his past career.
+
+The captain then ordered his boat's crew to make ready for a
+volley, and after firing to re-load quickly.  'And expect a score
+or two on ye to go head over heels,' murmured William Boozey; 'for
+I'm a-looking at ye.'  With those words, the derisive though deadly
+William took a good aim.
+
+'Fire!'
+
+The ringing voice of Boldheart was lost in the report of the guns
+and the screeching of the savages.  Volley after volley awakened
+the numerous echoes.  Hundreds of savages were killed, hundreds
+wounded, and thousands ran howling into the woods.  The Latin-
+grammar master had a spare night-cap lent him, and a long-tail
+coat, which he wore hind side before.  He presented a ludicrous
+though pitiable appearance, and serve him right.
+
+We now find Capt. Boldheart, with this rescued wretch on board,
+standing off for other islands.  At one of these, not a cannibal
+island, but a pork and vegetable one, he married (only in fun on
+his part) the king's daughter.  Here he rested some time, receiving
+from the natives great quantities of precious stones, gold dust,
+elephants' teeth, and sandal wood, and getting very rich.  This,
+too, though he almost every day made presents of enormous value to
+his men.
+
+The ship being at length as full as she could hold of all sorts of
+valuable things, Boldheart gave orders to weigh the anchor, and
+turn 'The Beauty's' head towards England.  These orders were obeyed
+with three cheers; and ere the sun went down full many a hornpipe
+had been danced on deck by the uncouth though agile William.
+
+We next find Capt. Boldheart about three leagues off Madeira,
+surveying through his spy-glass a stranger of suspicious appearance
+making sail towards him.  On his firing a gun ahead of her to bring
+her to, she ran up a flag, which he instantly recognised as the
+flag from the mast in the back-garden at home.
+
+Inferring from this, that his father had put to sea to seek his
+long-lost son, the captain sent his own boat on board the stranger
+to inquire if this was so, and, if so, whether his father's
+intentions were strictly honourable.  The boat came back with a
+present of greens and fresh meat, and reported that the stranger
+was 'The Family,' of twelve hundred tons, and had not only the
+captain's father on board, but also his mother, with the majority
+of his aunts and uncles, and all his cousins.  It was further
+reported to Boldheart that the whole of these relations had
+expressed themselves in a becoming manner, and were anxious to
+embrace him and thank him for the glorious credit he had done them.
+Boldheart at once invited them to breakfast next morning on board
+'The Beauty,' and gave orders for a brilliant ball that should last
+all day.
+
+It was in the course of the night that the captain discovered the
+hopelessness of reclaiming the Latin-grammar master.  That
+thankless traitor was found out, as the two ships lay near each
+other, communicating with 'The Family' by signals, and offering to
+give up Boldheart.  He was hanged at the yard-arm the first thing
+in the morning, after having it impressively pointed out to him by
+Boldheart that this was what spiters came to.
+
+The meeting between the captain and his parents was attended with
+tears.  His uncles and aunts would have attended their meeting with
+tears too, but he wasn't going to stand that.  His cousins were
+very much astonished by the size of his ship and the discipline of
+his men, and were greatly overcome by the splendour of his uniform.
+He kindly conducted them round the vessel, and pointed out
+everything worthy of notice.  He also fired his hundred guns, and
+found it amusing to witness their alarm.
+
+The entertainment surpassed everything ever seen on board ship, and
+lasted from ten in the morning until seven the next morning.  Only
+one disagreeable incident occurred.  Capt. Boldheart found himself
+obliged to put his cousin Tom in irons, for being disrespectful.
+On the boy's promising amendment, however, he was humanely released
+after a few hours' close confinement.
+
+Boldheart now took his mother down into the great cabin, and asked
+after the young lady with whom, it was well known to the world, he
+was in love.  His mother replied that the object of his affections
+was then at school at Margate, for the benefit of sea-bathing (it
+was the month of September), but that she feared the young lady's
+friends were still opposed to the union.  Boldheart at once
+resolved, if necessary, to bombard the town.
+
+Taking the command of his ship with this intention, and putting all
+but fighting men on board 'The Family,' with orders to that vessel
+to keep in company, Boldheart soon anchored in Margate Roads.  Here
+he went ashore well-armed, and attended by his boat's crew (at
+their head the faithful though ferocious William), and demanded to
+see the mayor, who came out of his office.
+
+'Dost know the name of yon ship, mayor?' asked Boldheart fiercely.
+
+'No,' said the mayor, rubbing his eyes, which he could scarce
+believe, when he saw the goodly vessel riding at anchor.
+
+'She is named "The Beauty,"' said the captain.
+
+'Hah!' exclaimed the mayor, with a start.  'And you, then, are
+Capt. Boldheart?'
+
+'The same.'
+
+A pause ensued.  The mayor trembled.
+
+'Now, mayor,' said the captain, 'choose!  Help me to my bride, or
+be bombarded.'
+
+The mayor begged for two hours' grace, in which to make inquiries
+respecting the young lady.  Boldheart accorded him but one; and
+during that one placed William Boozey sentry over him, with a drawn
+sword, and instructions to accompany him wherever he went, and to
+run him through the body if he showed a sign of playing false.
+
+At the end of the hour the mayor re-appeared more dead than alive,
+closely waited on by Boozey more alive than dead.
+
+'Captain,' said the mayor, 'I have ascertained that the young lady
+is going to bathe.  Even now she waits her turn for a machine.  The
+tide is low, though rising.  I, in one of our town-boats, shall not
+be suspected.  When she comes forth in her bathing-dress into the
+shallow water from behind the hood of the machine, my boat shall
+intercept her and prevent her return.  Do you the rest.'
+
+'Mayor,' returned Capt. Boldheart, 'thou hast saved thy town.'
+
+The captain then signalled his boat to take him off, and, steering
+her himself, ordered her crew to row towards the bathing-ground,
+and there to rest upon their oars.  All happened as had been
+arranged.  His lovely bride came forth, the mayor glided in behind
+her, she became confused, and had floated out of her depth, when,
+with one skilful touch of the rudder and one quivering stroke from
+the boat's crew, her adoring Boldheart held her in his strong arms.
+There her shrieks of terror were changed to cries of joy.
+
+Before 'The Beauty' could get under way, the hoisting of all the
+flags in the town and harbour, and the ringing of all the bells,
+announced to the brave Boldheart that he had nothing to fear.  He
+therefore determined to be married on the spot, and signalled for a
+clergyman and clerk, who came off promptly in a sailing-boat named
+'The Skylark.'  Another great entertainment was then given on board
+'The Beauty,' in the midst of which the mayor was called out by a
+messenger.  He returned with the news that government had sent down
+to know whether Capt. Boldheart, in acknowledgment of the great
+services he had done his country by being a pirate, would consent
+to be made a lieutenant-colonel.  For himself he would have spurned
+the worthless boon; but his bride wished it, and he consented.
+
+Only one thing further happened before the good ship 'Family' was
+dismissed, with rich presents to all on board.  It is painful to
+record (but such is human nature in some cousins) that Capt.
+Boldheart's unmannerly Cousin Tom was actually tied up to receive
+three dozen with a rope's end 'for cheekiness and making game,'
+when Capt. Boldheart's lady begged for him, and he was spared.
+'The Beauty' then refitted, and the captain and his bride departed
+for the Indian Ocean to enjoy themselves for evermore.
+
+
+
+PART IV. - ROMANCE FROM THE PEN OF MISS NETTIE ASHFORD (Aged half-
+past six.)
+
+
+
+THERE is a country, which I will show you when I get into maps,
+where the children have everything their own way.  It is a most
+delightful country to live in.  The grown-up people are obliged to
+obey the children, and are never allowed to sit up to supper,
+except on their birthdays.  The children order them to make jam and
+jelly and marmalade, and tarts and pies and puddings, and all
+manner of pastry.  If they say they won't, they are put in the
+corner till they do.  They are sometimes allowed to have some; but
+when they have some, they generally have powders given them
+afterwards.
+
+One of the inhabitants of this country, a truly sweet young
+creature of the name of Mrs. Orange, had the misfortune to be sadly
+plagued by her numerous family.  Her parents required a great deal
+of looking after, and they had connections and companions who were
+scarcely ever out of mischief.  So Mrs. Orange said to herself, 'I
+really cannot be troubled with these torments any longer: I must
+put them all to school.'
+
+Mrs. Orange took off her pinafore, and dressed herself very nicely,
+and took up her baby, and went out to call upon another lady of the
+name of Mrs. Lemon, who kept a preparatory establishment.  Mrs.
+Orange stood upon the scraper to pull at the bell, and give a ring-
+ting-ting.
+
+Mrs. Lemon's neat little housemaid, pulling up her socks as she
+came along the passage, answered the ring-ting-ting.
+
+'Good-morning,' said Mrs. Orange.  'Fine day.  How do you do?  Mrs.
+Lemon at home!'
+
+'Yes, ma'am.'
+
+'Will you say Mrs. Orange and baby?'
+
+'Yes, ma'am.  Walk in.'
+
+Mrs. Orange's baby was a very fine one, and real wax all over.
+Mrs. Lemon's baby was leather and bran.  However, when Mrs. Lemon
+came into the drawing-room with her baby in her arms, Mrs. Orange
+said politely, 'Good-morning.  Fine day.  How do you do?  And how
+is little Tootleumboots?'
+
+'Well, she is but poorly.  Cutting her teeth, ma'am,' said Mrs.
+Lemon.
+
+'O, indeed, ma'am!' said Mrs. Orange.  'No fits, I hope?'
+
+'No, ma'am.'
+
+'How many teeth has she, ma'am?'
+
+'Five, ma'am.'
+
+'My Emilia, ma'am, has eight,' said Mrs. Orange.  'Shall we lay
+them on the mantelpiece side by side, while we converse?'
+
+'By all means, ma'am,' said Mrs. Lemon.  'Hem!'
+
+'The first question is, ma'am,' said Mrs. Orange, 'I don't bore
+you?'
+
+'Not in the least, ma'am,' said Mrs. Lemon.  'Far from it, I assure
+you.'
+
+'Then pray HAVE you,' said Mrs. Orange, - 'HAVE you any vacancies?'
+
+'Yes, ma'am.  How many might you require?'
+
+'Why, the truth is, ma'am,' said Mrs. Orange, 'I have come to the
+conclusion that my children,' - O, I forgot to say that they call
+the grown-up people children in that country! - 'that my children
+are getting positively too much for me.  Let me see.  Two parents,
+two intimate friends of theirs, one godfather, two godmothers, and
+an aunt.  HAVE you as many as eight vacancies?'
+
+'I have just eight, ma'am,' said Mrs. Lemon.
+
+'Most fortunate!  Terms moderate, I think?'
+
+'Very moderate, ma'am.'
+
+'Diet good, I believe?'
+
+'Excellent, ma'am.'
+
+'Unlimited?'
+
+'Unlimited.'
+
+'Most satisfactory!  Corporal punishment dispensed with?'
+
+'Why, we do occasionally shake,' said Mrs. Lemon, 'and we have
+slapped.  But only in extreme cases.'
+
+'COULD I, ma'am,' said Mrs. Orange, - 'COULD I see the
+establishment?'
+
+'With the greatest of pleasure, ma'am,' said Mrs. Lemon.
+
+Mrs. Lemon took Mrs. Orange into the schoolroom, where there were a
+number of pupils.  'Stand up, children,' said Mrs. Lemon; and they
+all stood up.
+
+Mrs. Orange whispered to Mrs. Lemon, 'There is a pale, bald child,
+with red whiskers, in disgrace.  Might I ask what he has done?'
+
+'Come here, White,' said Mrs. Lemon, 'and tell this lady what you
+have been doing.'
+
+'Betting on horses,' said White sulkily.
+
+'Are you sorry for it, you naughty child?' said Mrs. Lemon.
+
+'No,' said White.  'Sorry to lose, but shouldn't be sorry to win.'
+
+'There's a vicious boy for you, ma'am,' said Mrs. Lemon.  'Go along
+with you, sir.  This is Brown, Mrs. Orange.  O, a sad case,
+Brown's!  Never knows when he has had enough.  Greedy.  How is your
+gout, sir?'
+
+'Bad,' said Brown.
+
+'What else can you expect?' said Mrs. Lemon.  'Your stomach is the
+size of two.  Go and take exercise directly.  Mrs. Black, come here
+to me.  Now, here is a child, Mrs. Orange, ma'am, who is always at
+play.  She can't be kept at home a single day together; always
+gadding about and spoiling her clothes.  Play, play, play, play,
+from morning to night, and to morning again.  How can she expect to
+improve?'
+
+'Don't expect to improve,' sulked Mrs. Black.  'Don't want to.'
+
+'There is a specimen of her temper, ma'am,' said Mrs. Lemon.  'To
+see her when she is tearing about, neglecting everything else, you
+would suppose her to be at least good-humoured.  But bless you!
+ma'am, she is as pert and flouncing a minx as ever you met with in
+all your days!'
+
+'You must have a great deal of trouble with them, ma'am,' said Mrs.
+Orange.
+
+'Ah, I have, indeed, ma'am!' said Mrs. Lemon.  'What with their
+tempers, what with their quarrels, what with their never knowing
+what's good for them, and what with their always wanting to
+domineer, deliver me from these unreasonable children!'
+
+'Well, I wish you good-morning, ma'am,' said Mrs. Orange.
+
+'Well, I wish you good-morning, ma'am,' said Mrs. Lemon.
+
+So Mrs. Orange took up her baby and went home, and told the family
+that plagued her so that they were all going to be sent to school.
+They said they didn't want to go to school; but she packed up their
+boxes, and packed them off.
+
+'O dear me, dear me!  Rest and be thankful!' said Mrs. Orange,
+throwing herself back in her little arm-chair.  'Those troublesome
+troubles are got rid of, please the pigs!'
+
+Just then another lady, named Mrs. Alicumpaine, came calling at the
+street-door with a ring-ting-ting.
+
+'My dear Mrs. Alicumpaine,' said Mrs. Orange, 'how do you do?  Pray
+stay to dinner.  We have but a simple joint of sweet-stuff,
+followed by a plain dish of bread and treacle; but, if you will
+take us as you find us, it will be SO kind!'
+
+'Don't mention it,' said Mrs. Alicumpaine.  'I shall be too glad.
+But what do you think I have come for, ma'am?  Guess, ma'am.'
+
+'I really cannot guess, ma'am,' said Mrs. Orange.
+
+'Why, I am going to have a small juvenile party to-night,' said
+Mrs. Alicumpaine; 'and if you and Mr. Orange and baby would but
+join us, we should be complete.'
+
+'More than charmed, I am sure!' said Mrs. Orange.
+
+'So kind of you!' said Mrs. Alicumpaine.  'But I hope the children
+won't bore you?'
+
+'Dear things!  Not at all,' said Mrs. Orange.  'I dote upon them.'
+
+Mr. Orange here came home from the city; and he came, too, with a
+ring-ting-ting.
+
+'James love,' said Mrs. Orange, 'you look tired.  What has been
+doing in the city to-day?'
+
+'Trap, bat, and ball, my dear,' said Mr. Orange, 'and it knocks a
+man up.'
+
+'That dreadfully anxious city, ma'am,' said Mrs. Orange to Mrs.
+Alicumpaine; 'so wearing, is it not?'
+
+'O, so trying!' said Mrs. Alicumpaine.  'John has lately been
+speculating in the peg-top ring; and I often say to him at night,
+"John, IS the result worth the wear and tear?"'
+
+Dinner was ready by this time: so they sat down to dinner; and
+while Mr. Orange carved the joint of sweet-stuff, he said, 'It's a
+poor heart that never rejoices.  Jane, go down to the cellar, and
+fetch a bottle of the Upest ginger-beer.'
+
+At tea-time, Mr. and Mrs. Orange, and baby, and Mrs. Alicumpaine
+went off to Mrs. Alicumpaine's house.  The children had not come
+yet; but the ball-room was ready for them, decorated with paper
+flowers.
+
+'How very sweet!' said Mrs. Orange.  'The dear things!  How pleased
+they will be!'
+
+'I don't care for children myself,' said Mr. Orange, gaping.
+
+'Not for girls?' said Mrs. Alicumpaine.  'Come! you care for
+girls?'
+
+Mr. Orange shook his head, and gaped again.  'Frivolous and vain,
+ma'am.'
+
+'My dear James,' cried Mrs. Orange, who had been peeping about, 'do
+look here.  Here's the supper for the darlings, ready laid in the
+room behind the folding-doors.  Here's their little pickled salmon,
+I do declare!  And here's their little salad, and their little
+roast beef and fowls, and their little pastry, and their wee, wee,
+wee champagne!'
+
+'Yes, I thought it best, ma'am,' said Mrs. Alicumpaine, 'that they
+should have their supper by themselves.  Our table is in the corner
+here, where the gentlemen can have their wineglass of negus, and
+their egg-sandwich, and their quiet game at beggar-my-neighbour,
+and look on.  As for us, ma'am, we shall have quite enough to do to
+manage the company.'
+
+'O, indeed, you may say so!  Quite enough, ma'am,' said Mrs.
+Orange.
+
+The company began to come.  The first of them was a stout boy, with
+a white top-knot and spectacles.  The housemaid brought him in and
+said, 'Compliments, and at what time was he to be fetched!'  Mrs.
+Alicumpaine said, 'Not a moment later than ten.  How do you do,
+sir?  Go and sit down.'  Then a number of other children came; boys
+by themselves, and girls by themselves, and boys and girls
+together.  They didn't behave at all well.  Some of them looked
+through quizzing-glasses at others, and said, 'Who are those?
+Don't know them.'  Some of them looked through quizzing-glasses at
+others, and said, 'How do?'  Some of them had cups of tea or coffee
+handed to them by others, and said, 'Thanks; much!'  A good many
+boys stood about, and felt their shirt-collars.  Four tiresome fat
+boys WOULD stand in the doorway, and talk about the newspapers,
+till Mrs. Alicumpaine went to them and said, 'My dears, I really
+cannot allow you to prevent people from coming in.  I shall be
+truly sorry to do it; but, if you put yourself in everybody's way,
+I must positively send you home.'  One boy, with a beard and a
+large white waistcoat, who stood straddling on the hearth-rug
+warming his coat-tails, WAS sent home.  'Highly incorrect, my
+dear,' said Mrs. Alicumpaine, handing him out of the room, 'and I
+cannot permit it.'
+
+There was a children's band, - harp, cornet, and piano, - and Mrs.
+Alicumpaine and Mrs. Orange bustled among the children to persuade
+them to take partners and dance.  But they were so obstinate!  For
+quite a long time they would not be persuaded to take partners and
+dance.  Most of the boys said, 'Thanks; much!  But not at present.'
+And most of the rest of the boys said, 'Thanks; much!  But never
+do.'
+
+'O, these children are very wearing!' said Mrs. Alicumpaine to Mrs.
+Orange.
+
+'Dear things!  I dote upon them; but they ARE wearing,' said Mrs.
+Orange to Mrs. Alicumpaine.
+
+At last they did begin in a slow and melancholy way to slide about
+to the music; though even then they wouldn't mind what they were
+told, but would have this partner, and wouldn't have that partner,
+and showed temper about it.  And they wouldn't smile, - no, not on
+any account they wouldn't; but, when the music stopped, went round
+and round the room in dismal twos, as if everybody else was dead.
+
+'O, it's very hard indeed to get these vexing children to be
+entertained!' said Mrs. Alicumpaine to Mrs. Orange.
+
+'I dote upon the darlings; but it is hard,' said Mrs. Orange to
+Mrs. Alicumpaine.
+
+They were trying children, that's the truth.  First, they wouldn't
+sing when they were asked; and then, when everybody fully believed
+they wouldn't, they would.  'If you serve us so any more, my love,'
+said Mrs. Alicumpaine to a tall child, with a good deal of white
+back, in mauve silk trimmed with lace, 'it will be my painful
+privilege to offer you a bed, and to send you to it immediately.'
+
+The girls were so ridiculously dressed, too, that they were in rags
+before supper.  How could the boys help treading on their trains?
+And yet when their trains were trodden on, they often showed temper
+again, and looked as black, they did!  However, they all seemed to
+be pleased when Mrs. Alicumpaine said, 'Supper is ready, children!'
+And they went crowding and pushing in, as if they had had dry bread
+for dinner.
+
+'How are the children getting on?' said Mr. Orange to Mrs. Orange,
+when Mrs. Orange came to look after baby.  Mrs. Orange had left
+baby on a shelf near Mr. Orange while he played at beggar-my-
+neighbour, and had asked him to keep his eye upon her now and then.
+
+'Most charmingly, my dear!' said Mrs. Orange.  'So droll to see
+their little flirtations and jealousies!  Do come and look!'
+
+'Much obliged to you, my dear,' said Mr. Orange; 'but I don't care
+about children myself.'
+
+So Mrs. Orange, having seen that baby was safe, went back without
+Mr. Orange to the room where the children were having supper.
+
+'What are they doing now?' said Mrs. Orange to Mrs. Alicumpaine.
+
+'They are making speeches, and playing at parliament,' said Mrs.
+Alicumpaine to Mrs. Orange.
+
+On hearing this, Mrs. Orange set off once more back again to Mr.
+Orange, and said, 'James dear, do come.  The children are playing
+at parliament.'
+
+'Thank you, my dear,' said Mr. Orange, 'but I don't care about
+parliament myself.'
+
+So Mrs. Orange went once again without Mr. Orange to the room where
+the children were having supper, to see them playing at parliament.
+And she found some of the boys crying, 'Hear, hear, hear!' while
+other boys cried 'No, no!' and others, 'Question!' 'Spoke!' and all
+sorts of nonsense that ever you heard.  Then one of those tiresome
+fat boys who had stopped the doorway told them he was on his legs
+(as if they couldn't see that he wasn't on his head, or on his
+anything else) to explain, and that, with the permission of his
+honourable friend, if he would allow him to call him so (another
+tiresome boy bowed), he would proceed to explain.  Then he went on
+for a long time in a sing-song (whatever he meant), did this
+troublesome fat boy, about that he held in his hand a glass; and
+about that he had come down to that house that night to discharge
+what he would call a public duty; and about that, on the present
+occasion, he would lay his hand (his other hand) upon his heart,
+and would tell honourable gentlemen that he was about to open the
+door to general approval.  Then he opened the door by saying, 'To
+our hostess!' and everybody else said 'To our hostess!' and then
+there were cheers.  Then another tiresome boy started up in sing-
+song, and then half a dozen noisy and nonsensical boys at once.
+But at last Mrs. Alicumpaine said, 'I cannot have this din.  Now,
+children, you have played at parliament very nicely; but parliament
+gets tiresome after a little while, and it's time you left off, for
+you will soon be fetched.'
+
+After another dance (with more tearing to rags than before supper),
+they began to be fetched; and you will be very glad to be told that
+the tiresome fat boy who had been on his legs was walked off first
+without any ceremony.  When they were all gone, poor Mrs.
+Alicumpaine dropped upon a sofa, and said to Mrs. Orange, 'These
+children will be the death of me at last, ma'am, - they will
+indeed!'
+
+'I quite adore them, ma'am,' said Mrs. Orange; 'but they DO want
+variety.'
+
+Mr. Orange got his hat, and Mrs. Orange got her bonnet and her
+baby, and they set out to walk home.  They had to pass Mrs. Lemon's
+preparatory establishment on their way.
+
+'I wonder, James dear,' said Mrs. Orange, looking up at the window,
+'whether the precious children are asleep!'
+
+'I don't care much whether they are or not, myself,' said Mr.
+Orange.
+
+'James dear!'
+
+'You dote upon them, you know,' said Mr. Orange.  'That's another
+thing.'
+
+'I do,' said Mrs. Orange rapturously.  'O, I DO!'
+
+'I don't,' said Mr. Orange.
+
+'But I was thinking, James love,' said Mrs. Orange, pressing his
+arm, 'whether our dear, good, kind Mrs. Lemon would like them to
+stay the holidays with her.'
+
+'If she was paid for it, I daresay she would,' said Mr. Orange.
+
+'I adore them, James,' said Mrs. Orange, 'but SUPPOSE we pay her, then!'
+
+This was what brought that country to such perfection, and made it
+such a delightful place to live in.  The grown-up people (that
+would be in other countries) soon left off being allowed any
+holidays after Mr. and Mrs. Orange tried the experiment; and the
+children (that would be in other countries) kept them at school as
+long as ever they lived, and made them do whatever they were told.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Etext of Holiday Romance, by Charles Dickens
+
diff --git a/old/hldrm10.zip b/old/hldrm10.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4182ace
--- /dev/null
+++ b/old/hldrm10.zip