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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Personal Recollections, by Charlotte Elizabeth
+
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+**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
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+*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****
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+
+Title: Personal Recollections
+       Abridged, Chiefly in Parts Pertaining to Political and Other
+       Controversies Prevalent at the Time in Great Britain
+
+Author: Charlotte Elizabeth
+
+Release Date: May, 2005 [EBook #8114]
+[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on June 15, 2003]
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-Latin-1
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PERSONAL RECOLLECTIONS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Charles Aldarondo, Tiffany Vergon, Tonya Allen,
+Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+PERSONAL RECOLLECTIONS
+
+BY CHARLOTTE ELIZABETH.
+
+ABRIDGED, CHIEFLY IN PARTS PERTAINING TO POLITICAL AND OTHER
+CONTROVERSIES PREVALENT AT THE TIME IN GREAT BRITAIN.
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+
+LETTER I.
+
+CHILDHOOD.--Reasons--Design--Martyrs' prison--Palace garden--Scenery--
+Music--Study--Politics--A brother--Protestantism--The Bible--Judicious
+plan
+
+LETTER II.
+
+YOUTH.--Private journals--Romance--The drama--Poetical taste--Loss of
+hearing--Books--A change--Rural life--Stays--Tight-lacing--Ruinous
+custom--The country
+
+LETTER III.
+
+EARLY DAYS.--Idling--Convictions--Anticipating evil--Mischievous errors
+--Unreal estimates--Fake views--A parting--Fraternal love
+
+LETTER IV.
+
+YOUTH.--A grandmother--Unfashionable taste--A bereavement--Changes--
+Travels--Punctuality--Ocean scenery--False confidence--A storm--Wonders
+of the deep--Recklessness--An Arab steed--A fragment--Escapes--
+Housewifery--Nova Scotia--Indians--Cosmopolitanism--Home
+
+LETTER V.
+
+IRELAND.--Oxford--Irishmen--The journey--The arrival--An escape--Dublin
+--St. John's eve--The dance--Paganism--Trials--Levying distress--
+Convictions--Terrors--Awakened conscience--God's teaching--Joy and peace
+
+LETTER VI.
+
+RELIGIOUS PROGRESS.--The church--Socinianism--Temptation--Metaphysics--
+Athanasian creed--An epoch--My first tract--A new friend--"Hail Mary"--
+Christian communion
+
+LETTER VII.
+
+KILKENNY.--A new residence--Another snare--Compromise--An apostate--"End
+of controversy"--The snare broken--Another attack--An argument--
+Discussion--The result
+
+LETTER VIII.
+
+The dumb boy.--A pupil--Jack's commencement--Inquiry--A dilemma--Dawning
+light--Seasonings--A sunbeam--A soul born--A protester--Idolatry--
+Faithfulness--Summons--Superstition--National character--Confession--
+Infernal machinery
+
+LETTER IX.
+
+England.--The dumb boy--Jack's adventure--Departure from Ireland--Hannah
+More--A carnal politician--Treachery--Afflictions--Jack's progress--
+Prayer--Mercies--A soldier--A home--False judgment--Tranquillity
+
+LETTER X.
+
+Sandhurst.--A proposal--A snare--An incident--Papal fulmination--Jack's
+petition--Happy caution--Perseverance--Zeal--Testimonies--A contrast
+
+LETTER XI.
+
+Separation.--Prejudices--Home--Forebodings--Danger--Trying scenes--
+Queries--Awful contrast--Cadets--Retrospections--A visitation--Sympathy
+--True feeling
+
+LETTER XII.
+
+Employment.--Sabbath meetings--Boys--An event--Forgiveness--Prejudices--
+The Irish language--St. Giles's--A project--The Irish church
+
+LETTER XIII.
+
+A sunset.--A termination--A sunset--Resignation--The red hand--Joy and
+peace--True wisdom--Sympathy--Earnestness--A dying protest--Sleeping in
+Jesus
+
+LETTER XIV.
+
+A removal.--An appeal--Irish schools--Literary labors--Antinomianism--
+Conclusion
+
+SUBSEQUENT LIFE AND DEATH OF THE AUTHOR
+
+
+
+
+
+PERSONAL RECOLLECTIONS
+
+
+
+
+LETTER I.
+
+CHILDHOOD.
+
+
+I have given my best consideration to the arguments by which you support
+the demand for a few notices of events connected with my personal
+recollections of the past. That which has chiefly influenced me is the
+consideration, urged on what I know to be just and reasonable grounds,
+that when it has pleased God to bring any one before the public in the
+capacity of an author, that person becomes in some sense public
+property; having abandoned the privacy from which no one ought to be
+forced, but which any body may relinquish; and courted the observation
+of the world at large. Such individuals are talked of during life, and
+after death become the subject, I may say the prey, of that spirit which
+reigned in Athens of old, and from which no child of Adam is wholly
+free--the desire to hear and to tell some new thing. No sooner has the
+person withdrawn from this mortal stage, than the pen of biography is
+prepared to record, and a host of curious expectants are marshalled to
+receive, some fragments at least of private history. I wish I could
+dissent from your remark, that even godliness itself is too often sought
+to be made a gain of in such cases. Writers who are themselves wholly
+unenlightened by spiritual knowledge, and uninfluenced by spiritual
+feeling, will take up as a good speculation what must to them be a
+mystery, and wrong the subject of their memorial while they injure the
+cause in which he labored. Even among those of better understanding in
+the ways of truth, we do not often meet sound judgment, calm discretion,
+and refined delicacy, combined with affection for the departed and zeal
+for the gospel. Private journals are sought out, confidential letters
+raked together, and a most unseemly exposure made alike of the dead and
+the living.
+
+This I have always seen and lamented; and being aware that my turn would
+probably come to be thus exhibited, I have abstained from preserving
+even the slightest memoranda of events, thoughts, or feelings, that
+could be laid hold on as a private journal: and I have most distinctly
+intimated to all those friends who possess any letters of mine, that I
+shall regard it as a gross breach of confidence, a dishonorable, base,
+and mercenary proceeding on their part, if ever they permit a sentence
+addressed by me to them to pass into other hands. Indeed, to such an
+extent have I felt this, that for many years past I have kept some
+friends under a solemn pledge, that immediately after my death, they
+will proclaim my having so guarded my correspondence, in order, if
+possible, to shame the individuals from a course with regard to me which
+I have never been inveigled into with regard to others. Looking on
+epistolary communications as a trust not to be betrayed, I have
+invariably refused to deliver to the biographers of my departed friends
+any letters of theirs that I might possess: the first application for
+them has always been the signal for committing the whole budget to the
+flames.
+
+This you know; and you say that the very precautions I have used will
+leave my memory more completely at the mercy of ill-judging or ill-
+informed survivors, who, in the absence of more authentic information,
+may draw on their own invention, and do me injustice. This is the plea
+that has prevailed with me now: the uncertainty of mortal life, with the
+apprehension that if suddenly removed I shall become the heroine of some
+strange romance, founded probably on the facts of a life by no means
+deficient in remarkable incidents, but mixed up with a great deal of
+fiction; and the consciousness that others may be thereby wounded, whom
+I would not wish to wound--have decided me to act upon your suggestion,
+and to draw out a little sketch of such matters as can alone concern the
+public in any way. Into private domestic History no person possessed of
+a particle of delicacy can wish to intrude. It is melancholy to witness
+the prying spirit that some are but too ready to cater to, for filthy
+lucre's sake: and grievous to reflect that the boasted immunity which
+makes the cottage of the English peasant, no less than the palace of the
+English noble, a castle--which so fences his domestic hearth that no man
+may set foot within his door without his consent, or proclaim an untruth
+concerning him without being legally compelled to render compensation,
+should be withdrawn from his grave. I cannot tell you how I have blushed
+for the living, and kindled with resentment on behalf of the dead, when
+contemplating the merciless desecration of what may truly be called the
+sacredness of home, in some biographical notices.
+
+You may therefore expect to find in these sheets a record of that mental
+and spiritual discipline by which it has pleased the Lord to prepare me
+for the very humble, yet not very narrow, sphere of literary usefulness
+in which it was his good purpose to bid me move; with whatever of
+outward things, passing events, and individual personal adventure, as it
+is called, may be needful to illustrate the progress. Of living
+contemporaries I shall of course not speak: of the dead no further than
+as I would myself be spoken of by them, had I gone first. Public events
+I shall freely discuss, and hold back nothing that bears on spiritual
+subjects. Nobody shall ever need to be at the trouble of posthumously
+searching out and proclaiming my opinions on any topic whatever, apart
+from personalities. I will not withhold, nor disguise, nor soften them
+down; and if the charge of egotism be brought, let the accusers lay
+their hands upon their hearts, and declare that they would not have
+sanctioned another in performing for me, as a defunct writer, the office
+which nobody can fulfil half so well, because nobody can do it half so
+correctly, as myself.
+
+To commence the task, in which I earnestly implore the Father of all
+mercies and Teacher of all truth to guide me, to guard me from
+misstatement, to preserve me from self-seeking, and to overrule it to
+the glory of his great name, I must remind you that my birthplace was
+Norwich; a fine old town, distinguished for its many antiquities, the
+beauty of its situation on a rising ground, interspersed with a
+profusion of rich gardens, and studded with churches to the number of
+thirty-five, including a majestic cathedral. Many years have elapsed
+since I last beheld it, and perhaps the march of modern improvement has
+so changed its features, that were I now to dwell upon my recollections
+of that cherished home, they would not be recognized. But I cannot
+forget the early impressions produced on my mind by the peculiarities of
+the place; nor must they be omitted here. The sphere in which it is my
+dearest privilege to labor, is the cause of Protestantism; and sometimes
+when God has blessed my poor efforts to the deliverance of some captive
+out of the chains of Popish delusion, I have recalled the fact of being
+born just opposite the dark old gateway of that strong building where
+the noble martyrs of Mary's day were imprisoned. I have recollected that
+the house wherein I drew my first breath was visible through the grated
+window of their prison, and a conspicuous object when its gates unfolded
+to deliver them to unjust judgment and a cruel death. Are any of the
+prayers of those glorified saints fulfilled in the poor child who was
+brought into the world on that particular spot, though at the distance
+of some ages? The query could not be answered, but the thought has
+frequently cheered me on. The stern-looking gateway opening on St.
+Martin's plain, was probably one of the very first objects traced on the
+retina of my infant eye, when it ranged beyond the inner walls of the
+nursery; and often, with tottering step, I passed beneath that arch into
+the splendid garden of our noble episcopal palace; and certainly, if my
+Protestantism may not be traced to that locality, my taste may; for from
+all the elaborate display of modern architecture, all the profuse
+luxuriance and endless variety of modern horticulture, I now turn away,
+to feast in thought on the recollection of that venerable scene. The
+palace itself is a fine specimen of the chaste old English style; but
+the most conspicuous, the most unfading feature, was the cathedral
+itself, which formed the boundary of one-half of the garden; a mass of
+sober magnificence, rising in calm repose against the sky, which, to my
+awe-struck gaze and childish imagination, seemed to rest upon its
+exquisitely formed spire. Seated on the grass, busying my fingers with
+the daisies that were permitted to spring around, I have been lost in
+such imaginings as I suppose not many little children indulge in, while
+permitting my eyes to rove over the seemingly interminable mass of old
+grey stone, and then to fall upon the pleasant flowers around me. I
+loved silence, for nothing that fell on the ear seemed in accordance
+with what so charmed the eye; and thus a positive evil found entrance in
+the midst of much enjoyment. I acquired that habit of dreamy
+excursiveness into imaginary scenes, and among unreal personages, which
+is alike inimical to rational pursuits and opposed to spiritual-
+mindedness. To a period so early as the middle of my fourth year I can
+revert with the most perfect, most vivid recollection of my habitual
+thoughts and feelings; and at that age, I can unhesitatingly declare, my
+mind was deeply tinctured with a romance not derived from books, nor
+from conversation, but arising, as I verily believe, out of the singular
+adaptation to each other of my natural taste and the scenery amidst
+which it began to develop itself. Our abode was changed to another part
+of the city before this period arrived; but the bishop's garden was
+still our haunt, and my supreme delight.
+
+An immense orchard, shrubbery, and flower-garden were attached to my
+father's new residence, to which he had removed on account of its
+proximity to the church of which he was rector. This, too, was an old-
+fashioned house, mantled with a vine, and straggling out, in irregular
+buildings, along the slope of the garden. The centre of an immense
+grass-plot, studded with apple, pear, and plum trees, was occupied by
+the most gigantic mulberry I ever beheld, the thick trunk of which
+resembled that of a knotted oak, while in its forest of dark branches
+nestled a number of owls and hats. Oh, how I loved to lurk beneath its
+shadow on a summer evening, and await the twilight gloom, that the large
+owl might come forth and wheel around the tree, and call out his
+companions with a melancholy hoot; while the smaller bat, dipping lower
+in his flight, brushed by me, accustomed to my presence. I had entered
+betimes upon the pernicious study of nursery tales, as they then were,
+and without having the smallest actual belief in the existence of
+fairies, goblins, or any such things, I took unutterable delight in
+surrounding myself with hosts of them, decked out in colors of my own
+supplying, gorgeous or terrible beyond the conception of my classic
+authorities. The faculty of realizing whatever I pictured to myself was
+astonishingly great; and you must admit that the localities in which I
+was placed were but too favorable to the formation of a character which
+I have no doubt the enemy was secretly constructing within me, to
+mislead, by wild, unholy fiction, such as should come within the range
+of its, influence. To God be all the glory that I am not now pandering
+with this pen to the most grovelling or the most impious of man's
+perverted feelings.
+
+But above all other tastes, all other cravings, one passion reigned
+supreme, and that acme of enjoyment to me was music. This also was met
+by indulgence as unlimited as its cravings; for not only did my father
+possess one of the finest voices in the world, and the very highest
+degree of scientific knowledge, taste, and skill in the management of
+it, but our house was seldom without an inmate in the person of his most
+intimate friend and brother clergyman, a son of the celebrated composer
+Mr. Linley, who was as highly gifted in instrumental as my father was in
+vocal music. The rich tones of his old harpsichord seem at this moment
+to fill my ear and swell my heart; while my father's deep, clear, mellow
+voice breaks in, with some noble recitative or elaborate air of Handel,
+Haydn, and the rest of a school that may be superseded, but never, never
+can be equalled by modern composers. Or the harpsichord was
+relinquished to another hand, and the breath of our friend came forth
+through the reed of his hautboy in strains of such overpowering melody,
+that I have hid my face on my mother's lap to weep the feelings that
+absolutely wrung my little heart with excess of enjoyment. This was not
+a snare; or, if it might have been made one, the Lord broke it in time,
+by taking away my hearing. I would not that it had been otherwise, for
+while a vain imagination was fostered by the habit I have before
+adverted to, this taste for music and its high gratification most
+certainly elevated the mind. I do firmly believe that it is a gift from
+God to man, to be prized, cherished, cultivated. I believe that the man
+whose bosom yields no response to the concord of sweet sounds, falls
+short of the standard to which man should aspire as an intellectual
+being; and though Satan does fearfully pervert this solace of the mind
+to most vile purposes, still I heartily agree with Martin Luther, that,
+in the abstract, "the devil hates music."
+
+Before I had completed my sixth year, I came under the rod of discipline
+which was to fall so long and so perseveringly upon me ere I should
+"hear the rod and who had appointed it." Enthusiastic in every thing,
+and already passionately fond of reading, I had eagerly accepted the
+offer of a dear uncle, a young physician, to teach me French. I loved
+him, for he was gentle and kind, and very fond of me; and it was a great
+happiness to trip through the long winding street that separated us, to
+turn down by the old Bridewell, so celebrated as an architectural
+curiosity, being built of dark flint stones, exquisitely chiselled into
+the form of bricks, and which even then I could greatly admire, and to
+take my seat on my young uncle's knee, in the large hall of his house,
+where stood a very large and deep-toned organ, some sublime strain from
+which was to reward my diligence, if I repeated accurately the lesson he
+had appointed. Thus between love for my uncle, delight in his organ, and
+a natural inclination to acquire learning, I was stimulated to
+extraordinary efforts, and met the demand on my energies in a very
+unsafe way. I placed my French book under my pillow every night, and
+starting from repose at the earliest break of dawn, strained my sleepy
+eyes over the page, until, very suddenly, I became totally blind.
+
+This was a grievous blow to my tender parents: the eclipse was so
+complete that I could not tell whether it was midnight or midnoon, so
+far as perception of light was concerned, and the case seemed hopeless.
+It was, however, among the "all things" that God causes to work together
+for good, while Satan eagerly seeks to use them for evil. It checked my
+inordinate desire for mere acquirements, which I believe to be a bad
+tendency, particularly in a female, while it threw me more upon my own
+resources, such as they were, and gave me a keen relish for the highly
+intellectual conversation that always prevailed in our home. My father
+delighted in the society of literary men; and he was himself of a turn
+so argumentative, so overflowing with rich conversation, so decided in
+his political views, so alive to passing events, so devotedly and so
+proudly the Englishman, that with such associates as he gathered about
+him at his own fireside, I don't see how the little blind girl, whose
+face was ever turned up towards the unseen speaker, and whose mind
+opened to every passing remark, could avoid becoming a thinker, a
+reasoner, a tory, and a patriot. Sometimes a tough disputant crossed our
+threshold; one of these was Dr. Parr, and brilliant were the flashes
+resulting from such occasional collision with antagonists of that
+calibre. I am often charged with the offence of being too political in
+my writings: the fact is, I write as I think and feel; and what else can
+you expect from a child reared in such a nursery?
+
+But another consequence of this temporary visitation was an increased
+passion for music. The severe remedies used for my blindness frequently
+laid me on the sofa for days together, and then my fond father would
+bring home with him, after the afternoon service of the cathedral, of
+which he was also a canon, a party of the young choristers. My godfather
+would seat himself at the harpsichord; the boys, led by my father,
+performed the vocal parts; and such feasts of sacred music were served
+up to me, that I have breathed to my brother in an ecstatic whisper the
+confession, "I don't want to see; I like music better than seeing."
+
+That brother I have not before named; but that only brother was a second
+self. Not that he resembled me in any respect, for he was beautiful to a
+prodigy, and I an ordinary child; he was wholly free from any
+predilection for learning, being mirthful and volatile in the highest
+degree; and though he listened when I read to him the mysterious marvels
+of my favorite nursery books, I doubt whether he ever bestowed an after-
+thought on any thing therein contained. The brightest, the sweetest, the
+most sparkling creature that ever lived, he was all joy, all love. I do
+not remember to have seen him for one moment out of temper or out of
+spirits for the first sixteen years of his life; and he was to me what
+the natural sun is to the system. We were never separated; our studies,
+our plays, our walks, our plans, our hearts were always one. That holy
+band which the Lord has woven, that inestimable blessing of fraternal
+love and confidence, was never broken, never loosened between us, from
+the cradle to his grave; and God forbid that I should say or think that
+the grave has broken it. If I have not from the outset included that
+precious brother in my sketch, it was because I should almost as soon
+have deemed it necessary to include by name my own head or my own heart.
+He too was musical, and sang sweetly, and I cannot look back on my
+childhood without confessing that its cup ran over with the profusion of
+delights that my God poured into it.
+
+About this time, when my sight, after a few months' privation, was fully
+restored, I first imbibed the strength of Protestantism as deeply as it
+can be imbibed apart from spiritual understanding, Norwich was
+infamously conspicuous in persecuting unto death the saints of the Most
+High, under the sanguinary despotism of popish Mary; and the spot where
+they suffered, called the Lollard's pit, lies just outside the town,
+over Bishop's bridge, having a circular excavation against the side of
+Moushold-hill. This, at least to within a year or two ago, was kept
+distinct, an opening by the road-side. My father often took us to walk
+in that direction, and pointed out the pit, and told us that there Mary
+burnt good people alive for refusing to worship wooden images. I was
+horror-stricken, and asked many questions, to which he did not always
+reply so fully as I wished; and one day, having to go out while I was
+inquiring, he said, "I don't think you can read a word of this book, but
+you may look at the pictures: it is all about the martyrs." So saying,
+he placed on a chair the old folio of Foxe's Acts and Monuments, in
+venerable black-letter, and left me to examine it.
+
+Hours passed and still found me bending over, or rather leaning against
+that magic book. I could not, it is true, decipher the black-letter, but
+I found some explanations in Roman type, and devoured them; while every
+wood-cut was examined with aching eyes and a palpitating heart.
+Assuredly I took in more of the spirit of John Foxe, even by that
+imperfect mode of acquaintance, than many do by reading his book
+through; and when my father next found me at what became my darling
+study, I looked up at him with burning cheeks and asked, "Papa, may I be
+a martyr?"
+
+"What do you mean, child?"
+
+"I mean, papa, may I be burned to death for my religion, as these were?
+I want to be a martyr."
+
+He smiled, and made me this answer, which I have never forgotten: "Why,
+Charlotte, if the government ever gives power to the Papists again, as
+they talk of doing, you may probably live to be a martyr."
+
+I remember the stern pleasure that this reply afforded me; of spiritual
+knowledge not the least glimmer had ever reached me in any form, yet I
+knew the Bible most intimately, and loved it with all my heart as the
+most sacred, the most beautiful of earthly things. Already had its
+sublimity caught my adoration; and when listening to the lofty language
+of Isaiah, as read from his stall in the cathedral by my father in
+Advent, and the early Sundays of the year, while his magnificent voice
+sent the prophetic denunciations pealing through those vaulted aisles, I
+had received into my mind, and I think into my heart, that scorn of
+idolatry which breathes so thrillingly in his inspired page. This I
+know, that at six years old the foundation of a truly scriptural protest
+was laid in my character; and to this hour it is my prayer that whenever
+the Lord calls me hence, he may find his servant not only watching but
+working against the diabolical iniquity that filled the Lollard's pit
+with the ashes of his saints.
+
+And now upon that all-important topic the Bible I would remark, that
+among the most invaluable blessings of my life I remember the judicious
+conduct of my parents in regard to it. We generally find that precious
+volume made a book of tasks; sometimes even a book of penalties: the
+consequence of so doing cannot but be evil. With us it was emphatically
+a reward book. That identical book is now before me, in its rich red
+cover, elegantly emblazoned with the royal arms; for it is the very
+Bible that was placed before queen Charlotte at her coronation in 1761;
+and which, becoming the perquisite of a prebendary of Westminster, was
+by his wife presented to my mother, to whom she stood sponser. This
+royal Bible was highly prized; and it was with special favor that it was
+opened for us when we had been good, and were deemed worthy of some mark
+of approval. My father, then, whose voice made music of every thing,
+would read to us the history of Abel, of Noah, of Moses, of Gideon, or
+some other of the exquisite narratives of the Old Testament. I do not
+say that they were made the medium of conveying spiritual instruction;
+they were unaccompanied by note or comment, written or oral, and merely
+read as histories, the fact being carefully impressed on our minds that
+God was the author, and that it would be highly criminal to doubt the
+truth of any word in that book. * * * The consequences of this early
+instruction, imparted as an indulgence, I have reason daily to rejoice
+in: it led me to search for myself the inspired pages; it taught me to
+expect beauties, and excellences, and high intellectual gratification
+where God has indeed caused them to abound. As in the natural world we
+find the nutritious fruit not lying like pebbles on the ground, but hung
+on graceful trees and shrubs, heralded by fair and fragrant blossoms,
+embowered in verdant foliage, and itself beautifully shaped and tinted;
+so has the Lord arranged that the garden where grows the fruit of the
+tree of life, should abound in all that is most lovely to man's natural
+perception; and do we not slight this bounteous care for our mind's
+enjoyment while he makes provision for our soul's sustenance, when we
+neglect to point these things out to the notice of our children? The
+word was my delight many a year before it became my counsellor; and when
+at last the veil was withdrawn from my heart, and Jesus stood revealed
+as the Alpha and Omega of that blessed book, it was not like gradually
+furnishing a vacant place with valuable goods, but like letting a flood
+of day into one already most-richly stored with all that was precious;
+though, for lack of light whereby to discern their real nature, the gems
+had been regarded but as common things. My memory was plentifully stored
+with what it had been, my free choice to study; and when in the progress
+of this little narrative you learn how mercifully I have been preserved
+from doctrinal error in its various forms, through that full
+acquaintance with God's word, you will trace his marvellous workings in
+thus furnishing my mind, as it were, with an armory of ready weapons,
+and will be ready to echo with increased earnestness that emphatic
+declaration, "The Bible, the Bible alone, is the religion of
+Protestants;" and not only to echo, but also to act upon it.
+
+Religion, however, did at this early period of my life become a very
+important concern in my eyes; our mother had taken infinite pains to
+assure us of one great truth--the omniscience of an omnipresent God--and
+this I never could for a moment shake off. It influenced us both in a
+powerful manner, so that if either committed a fault, we never rested
+until, through mutual exhortation on the ground that God certainly knew
+it, and would be angry if we added deceit to another error, we had
+encouraged each other to confession. We then went, hand in hand, to our
+mother, and the one who stood clear of the offence acknowledged it in
+the name of the transgressor, while both asked pardon. Never did
+children more abhor a lie: we spurned its meanness, while trembling at
+its guilt; and nothing bound us more closely and exclusively together
+than, the discoveries we were always making of a laxity among other
+children in this respect. On such occasions we would shrink into a
+corner by ourselves and whisper, "Do they think God does not hear that?"
+Self-righteousness, no doubt, existed in a high degree; we were baby
+Pharisees, rejoicing in the external cleanliness of cup and platter; but
+I look back with great thankfulness on the mercy that so far restrained
+us: an habitual regard to truth has carried me safely through many a
+trial, and, as a means, guarded me from many a snare. It cannot be too
+early or too strongly inculcated; nor should any effort be considered
+too great, any difficulty too discouraging, any reprobation too strong,
+or, I will add, any punishment too severe, when the object in view is to
+overcome this infamous vice in a child. Once I remember having been led
+into a lie at the instigation, and through the contrivance of a servant-
+girl, for whose benefit it was told. Suspicion instantly arose, from my
+dreadful embarrassment of manner; a strict investigation commenced; the
+girl told me to face it out, for that nobody else knew of it, and she
+would not flinch. But my terrors of conscience were insupportable; I
+could ill bear my father's steady eye fixed on mine, still less the
+anxious, wondering, incredulous expression of my brother's innocent
+face, who could not for a moment fancy me guilty. I confessed at once;
+and with a heavy sigh my father sent to borrow from a neighbor an
+instrument of chastisement never before needed in his own house. He took
+me to another room, and said, "Child, it will pain me more to punish you
+thus, than any blows I can inflict will pain you; but I must do it; you
+have told a lie--a dreadful sin, and a base, mean, cowardly action. If I
+let you grow up a liar, you will reproach me for it one day; if I now
+spared the rod, I should hate the child." I took the punishment in a
+most extraordinary spirit: I wished every stroke had been a stab; I wept
+because the pain was not great enough; and I loved my father at that
+moment better than even I, who almost idolized him, had ever loved him
+before. I thanked him, and I thank him still; for I never transgressed
+in that way again. The servant was called, received her wages and a most
+awful lecture, and was discharged the same hour. Yet, of all these
+things what sunk deepest into my very soul were the sobs and cries of my
+fond little brother, and the lamentable tones of his soft voice,
+pleading through the closed door, "O, papa, don't whip Charlotte. O
+forgive poor Charlotte."
+
+It is sweet to know we have a Brother indeed who always pleads, and
+never pleads in vain for the offending child; a Father whose
+chastisements are not withheld, but administered in tender love;
+judgment being his strange work, and mercy that wherein he delights, and
+the peaceable fruits of righteousness the end of his corrections. The
+event to which I have referred may appear too trivial a thing to record;
+but it is by neglecting trivial things that we ruin ourselves and our
+children. The usual mode of training these immortal beings, the plan of
+leaving them to servants and to themselves, the blind indulgence that
+passes by, with a slight reprimand only, a wilful offence, and the
+mischievous misapplication of doctrine that induces some to let nature
+do her worst, because nothing but grace can effectually suppress her
+evil workings; all these are faulty in the extreme, and no less
+presumptuous than foolish: this has produced that "spirit of the age"
+which, operating in a "pressure from without," is daily forcing us
+further from the good old paths in which we ought to walk, and in which
+our forefathers did walk, when they gave better heed than we do to the
+inspired word, which tells us, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of
+a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
+
+Affectionately yours,
+
+C. E.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER II.
+
+YOUTH.
+
+
+I have long been persuaded that there is no such thing as an honest
+private journal, even where the entries are punctually made under
+present impressions. There is so much of positive, active evil always at
+work in the mind, that to give a fair transcript of idle unprofitable
+thoughts and corrupt imaginings, is out of the question: evil is dealt
+with in generals, good in particulars, and the balance cannot be fairly
+struck. Those confessions of indwelling sin that remorse will wring from
+us, and which perhaps are penned at the moment in perfect sincerity,
+being unaccompanied with, the specifications that would invest them in
+their naturally hideous colors, beneath the searching light of God's
+holy and spiritual law, wear the lovely garb of unfeigned humility. The
+reader, coming to such self-condemnatory clauses, is struck with
+admiration at the saintly writer's marvellous self-abasement, only
+lamenting that he should, in the excess of his lowly-mindedness, have
+written such, bitter things against himself, at a time when he was
+grieving, resisting, almost quenching the Holy Spirit within by
+obstinate transgression.
+
+And if the present, how much more is the past liable to be glossed over?
+To be faithful here is next to impossible, for Satan helps us to deceive
+ourselves and instructs us to carry out the deception to others. This
+consideration might well cause the pen of autobiography to drop from a
+Christian's hand, did not an earnest desire to glorify God in his
+merciful dealings, together with the consciousness that to no other
+could the task he safely delegated, act as a counterpoise to the
+discouragement. I do desire to magnify the exceeding riches of God's
+grace to me, if I may do so without increasing the charge of arrogant
+assumption. I know that among the diversity of gifts which he bestows on
+his creatures, he granted me a portion of mental energy, a quickness of
+perception, a liveliness of imagination, an aptitude for expressing the
+thoughts that were perpetually revolving in my mind, such as to fit me
+for literary occupation. I know that Satan, to whom such instruments are
+exceedingly valuable, marked me as one who would, if properly trained to
+it, do his work effectually within his own sphere; and I am not more
+sure of my present existence than I am of the fact that he strove to
+secure me for that purpose, from the first expanding of those faculties
+which evidently lie exposed to his observation and open to his attacks,
+as far as God permits him to work. Can I feel all this, and not bless
+the Lord, who so far baffled these designs, and deigned to appoint my
+field of labor within the sacred confines of his own vineyard?
+
+The visitation of which I have spoken had a powerful influence on my
+after-life; it rendered the preservation of my newly-restored sight an
+object of paramount importance, to which the regular routine of
+education must needs be sacrificed. A boarding-school had never been
+thought of for me. My parents loved their children too well to meditate
+their expulsion from the paternal roof; and the children so well loved
+their parents and each other that such a separation would have been
+insupportable to them. Masters we had in the necessary branches of
+education, and we studied together so far as I was permitted to study;
+but before it was deemed safe to exercise my eyes with writing
+apparatus, I had stealthily possessed myself of a patent copy-book, by
+means of which, tracing the characters as they shone through the paper,
+I was able to write with tolerable freedom before any one knew that I
+could join two letters; and I well remember my father's surprise, not
+unmixed with annoyance, when he accidentally took up a letter which I
+had been writing to a distant relation, giving a circumstantial account
+of some domestic calamity which had no existence but in my brain;
+related with so much pathos too, that my tears had fallen over the slate
+whereon this my first literary attempt was very neatly traced. He could
+not forbear laughing; but ended with a grave shake of the head, and a
+remark to the effect that I was making more haste than good speed.
+
+At this time, seven years of age, I became entangled in a net of
+dangerous fascination. One evening my brother was taken to the theatre,
+while I, on account of a cold, had to stay at home. To compensate for
+this, I was permitted to read the play to him; and that play was, "The
+Merchant of Venice." I will not dwell upon the effect. I had already
+become fond of such theatrical spectacles as were considered suitable
+for children--pantomime and broad farce--and like a child I gazed upon the
+glitter, and enjoyed the bustle; but now, seated in a corner, all quiet
+about me, and nothing to interfere with the mental world, I drank a cup
+of intoxication under which my brain reeled for many a year. The
+character of Shylock burst upon me, even as Shakspeare had conceived it.
+I revelled in the terrible excitement that it gave rise to; page after
+page was stereotyped upon a most retentive memory without an effort, and
+during a sleepless night I feasted on the pernicious sweets thus hoarded
+in my brain.
+
+Pernicious indeed they were; for from that hour my diligence in study,
+my docility of conduct, every thing that is usually regarded as
+praiseworthy in a child, sprung from a new motive. I wanted to earn a
+reward, and that was no longer a sweet story from the Bible, but
+permission to carry into my retreat a volume of Shakspeare. A taste so
+unusual at my age was hailed with applause; visitors questioned me on
+the different plays, to ascertain my intimate acquaintance with the
+characters; but no one, not even my father, could persuade me to recite
+a line, or to listen when another attempted it, or to witness the
+representation of any play of Shakspeare. This I mention to prove what a
+powerful hold the enemy of all godliness must have expected to take on a
+spirit so attuned to romance. Reality became insipid, almost hateful to
+me; conversation, except that of the literary men to whom I have
+alluded, a burden. I imbibed a thorough contempt for women, children,
+and household affairs, intrenching myself behind invisible barriers that
+few, very few, could pass. Oh how many wasted hours, how much of
+unprofitable labor, what wrong to my fellow-creatures, what robbery of
+God, must I refer to this ensnaring book. My mind became unnerved, my
+judgment perverted, my estimate of people and things wholly falsified,
+and my soul wrapped in the vain solace of unsubstantial enjoyments
+during years of after sorrow, when but for this I might have early
+sought the consolations of the gospel. Parents know not what they do,
+when from vanity, thoughtlessness, or overindulgence, they foster in a
+young girl what is called a poetical taste. Those things highly esteemed
+among men are held in abomination with God; they thrust him from his
+creatures' thoughts, and enshrine a host of polluting idols in his
+place.
+
+My father, I am sure, wished to check the evil which, as a sensible man,
+he could not but foresee; my state of health, however, won a larger
+portion of indulgence than was good for me. The doctors into whose hands
+I had fallen, were of the school now happily very much exploded: they
+had one panacea for almost every ill, and that was the perilous drug
+mercury. With it, they rather fed than physicked me; and its deleterious
+effects on the nervous system were doubly injurious to me, as increasing
+tenfold the excitability that required every curb. Among all the marvels
+of my life, the greatest is that of my having grown up to be one of the
+healthiest of human beings, and with an inexhaustible flow of even
+mirthful spirits; for certainly I was long kept hovering on the verge of
+the grave by the barbarous excess to which medical experiments were
+carried; and I never entertained a doubt that the total loss of my
+hearing before I was ten years old, was owing to a paralysis induced by
+such severe treatment. God, however, had his own purposes to work out,
+which neither Satan nor man could hinder. He overruled all for the
+furtherance of his own gracious designs.
+
+Shut out by this last dispensation from my two delightful resources,
+music and conversation, I took refuge in books with tenfold avidity. By
+this time I had added the British poets generally to my original stock,
+together with such reading as is usually prescribed for young ladies;
+and I underwent the infliction of reading aloud to my mother the seven
+mortal volumes of Sir Charles Grandison. It was in the fulfilment of
+this awful task that I acquired a habit particularly mischievous and
+ensnaring--that of reading mechanically, with a total abstraction of
+mind from what I was about. This became the easier to me from the
+absence of all external sound; and its consequences are exceedingly
+distressing to this day, as experienced in a long-indulged, and
+afterwards most bitterly lamented wandering of the mind in prayer and in
+reading the Scriptures. In fact, through the prevalence of this habit,
+my devotions, always very punctually performed, became such an utter
+lip-service, as frequently to startle and terrify my conscience, when I
+found myself saying prayers and thinking idle songs or scraps of plays;
+but I regarded such transient pangs of remorse as a satisfaction for the
+sin, and never dreamed of resisting the general habit.
+
+Thus far I had led a town life, residing in the heart of a populous
+city, enjoying indeed that noble garden, but daily more and more
+absorbed in books of fancy. Happily, my health became so affected that a
+removal into the country was judged necessary, and I forgave the doctors
+all their past persecution of me, in consideration of their parting
+injunctions, which were, that I was to have unbounded liberty; to live
+entirely in the open air, save when the weather forbade; to be amused
+with all rural occupations; and especially to frequent farm-yards, for
+the purpose of inhaling the breath of cows. My father exchanged
+parochial duty with a friend, taking his village congregation, and
+engaging a house very near the church.
+
+That tall white house, what a place it holds in my fond recollection. It
+was perfectly an old parsonage, and behind it lay a garden larger than
+our city orchard, sloping gently down, with a profusion of fruit and
+flowers, bounded by high walls, and the central walk terminating in a
+door, beyond which lay the scene of our greatest enjoyment. A narrow
+slip of grass, fringed with osiers and alders and willows, alone
+separated the wall from a very clear, lovely stream, which winding half
+round an extensive common, turned a mill. This small river abounded with
+fish, and we soon became expert anglers; besides which, on creeping to
+some distance by a path of our own discovery, we could cross the stream
+on a movable plank, and take a wide range through, the country. This
+removal was a double resource: it invigorated my bodily frame, until I
+outgrew and out-bloomed every girl of my age in the neighborhood, while
+really laying a foundation for many years of uninterrupted health, and a
+constitution to defy the change of climate for which I was destined;
+while it won me from the sickening, enervating habit of sedentary
+enjoyment over the pages of a book, which, added to the necessary
+studies and occupations, was relaxing alike the tone of the bodily and
+mental frame. From the polluted works of man, I was drawn to the
+glorious works of God; and never did bird of the air or beast of the
+field more luxuriate in the pure bright elements of nature than I did.
+All the poetical visions of liberty that had floated in my brain seemed
+now realized; all pastoral descriptions faded before the actual
+enjoyment of rural life. Sometimes wreathing garlands of, wild flowers,
+reclined on a sunny bank, while a flock of sheep strolled around, and
+the bold little lambs came to peep in our faces, and then gallop away in
+pretended alarm; sometimes tearing our clothes to tatters in an ardent
+hunt for the sweet filberts that hung high above our heads, on trees
+well fortified behind breastworks of bramble and thorn; sometimes
+cultivating the friendship while we quaffed the milk of the good-natured
+cows under the dairymaid's operation: all was freedom, mirth, and peace.
+Often would my father take his noble pointers preparatory to the
+shooting season, at once to try their powers and to ascertain what
+promise of future sport the fields presented. These were destructive
+expeditions in one sense. I remember the following dialogue, repeated to
+me by my brother, when we made our appearance at home after a day's
+demolition of wearing apparel.
+
+"Mr. B. this will never do; that girl cannot wear a frock twice without
+soiling it; nor keep it whole for a week: the expense will ruin us."
+
+"Well, my dear, if I am to be ruined by expense, let it come in the
+shape of the washerwoman's and linen-draper's bills, not in those of the
+apothecary and undertaker."
+
+My dear father was right; and it would be a happy thing for girls in
+general, if somewhat of appearance, and of acquirement too, was
+sacrificed to what God has so liberally provided, and to the enjoyment
+of which a blessing is undoubtedly annexed. Where, among females, do we
+find the stamina of constitution and the elasticity of spirit which
+exist in those of our rural population who follow outdoor employment? It
+positively pains me to see a party of girls, a bonneted and tippeted
+double-file of humanity,
+
+    "That like a wounded snake drags its slow length along,"
+
+under the keen surveillance of a governess, whose nerves would never be
+able to endure the shock of seeing them bound over a stream and scramble
+through a fence, or even toss their heads and throw out their limbs as
+all young animals, except that oppressed class called young ladies, are
+privileged to do. Having ventured, in a fit of my country daring, to
+break the ice of this very rigid and frigid subject, I will recount
+another instance of the paternal good sense to which I owe, under God,
+the physical powers without which my little talent might have been laid
+by in a napkin all my days.
+
+One morning, when his daughter was about eight years old, my father came
+in, and found sundry preparations going on, the chief materials for
+which were buckram, whalebone, and other stiff articles, while the young
+lady was under measurement by the hands of a female friend.
+
+"Pray, what are you going to do to the child?"
+
+"Going to fit her with a pair of stays."
+
+"For what purpose?"
+
+"To improve her figure; no young lady can grow up properly without
+them."
+
+"I beg your pardon; young gentlemen grow up very well without them, and
+so may young ladies."
+
+"O, you are mistaken. See what a stoop she has already; depend on it
+this girl will be both a dwarf and a cripple if we don't put her into
+stays."
+
+"My child may be a cripple, ma'am, if such is God's will; but she shall
+be one of his making, not ours."
+
+All remonstrance was vain; stays and every species of tight dress were
+strictly prohibited by the authority of one whose will was, as every
+man's ought to be, absolute in his own household. He also carefully
+watched against any evasion of the rule: a ribbon drawn tightly round my
+waist would have been cut without hesitation by his determined hand;
+while the little girl of the anxious friend whose operations he had
+interrupted, enjoyed all the advantages of that system from which I was
+preserved. She grew up a wandlike figure, graceful and interesting, and
+died of decline at nineteen; while I, though not able to compare shapes
+with a wasp or an hour-glass, yet passed muster very fairly among mere
+human forms of God's moulding; and I have enjoyed to this hour a rare
+exemption from headaches, and other ladylike maladies, that appear the
+almost exclusive privilege of women in the higher classes.
+
+This is no trivial matter, believe me; it has frequently been the
+subject of conversation with professional men of high attainment, and I
+never met with one among them who did not, on hearing that I never but
+once, and then only for a few hours, submitted to the restraint of these
+unnatural machines, refer to that exemption, as a means, the free
+respiration, circulation, and powers both of exertion and endurance with
+which the Lord has most mercifully gifted me. There can be no doubt that
+the hand which first encloses the waist of a girl in these cruel
+contrivances, supplying her with a fictitious support, where the hand of
+God has placed bones and muscles that ought to be brought into vigorous
+action, that hand lays the foundation of bitter sufferings; at the price
+of which, and probably of a premature death, the advantage must be
+purchased of rendering her figure as unlike as possible to all the
+models of female beauty, universally admitted to be such, because they
+are chiselled after nature itself. I have seen pictures, and I have read
+harrowing descriptions, of the murderous consequences of thus flying in
+the face of the Creator's skill, and presuming to mend, to improve, his
+perfect work; but my own experience is worth a thousand treatises and
+ten thousand illustrations, in bringing conviction to my mind. Once,
+when introduced, as it is called, to the public, through the medium of a
+ballroom, I did join in persuading my father to allow of a fashionable
+lacing-up, though by no means a tight one. I felt much as, I suppose, a
+frolicksome young colt feels when first subjected to the goading
+apparatus that fetters his wild freedom. I danced, but it was with a
+heavy heart and laboring breath; I talked, under the influence of a
+stupefying headache, and on my return home flew to my apartment and cut
+the goodly fabric in pieces; nor was I ever afterwards tempted so to
+tempt my all-wise Maker by saying to the frame that he had fashioned and
+supplied with means of healthful growth, "Hitherto shalt thou go and no
+further."
+
+Compressure of the feet was with equal strictness forbidden by my
+judicious father. This vain custom is perhaps not so fatal as the other,
+but it produces many evils. Coldness of the extremities may certainly
+exist where nothing of the kind has been practised; but while rejoicing
+that I, experimentally, know nothing of it, I cannot help recollecting
+that the bounding pulse which plays so joyously through my veins was
+never impeded in any part; and feeling this, I would no more expose a
+girl to one infliction than I would to the other. Do Christian mothers
+take a sufficiently serious and prayerful view of this subject, as
+regards their children? Do they weigh, in a balance of God's providing,
+this necessary provision of clothing, to separate not only what is
+unseemly for the woman professing godly simplicity, but what is
+enervating to those physical powers which she is bound to devote to the
+Lord, and the weakening of which is actual robbery of him? I fear we
+females are more ready to ask counsel one of another in this matter than
+of the Lord; or even of our husbands, who, in nine cases out of ten, no
+doubt would decide against the foolish and pernicious custom. At least,
+in all my arguments with my own sex, I have found the men invariably
+siding with me upon this topic.
+
+You will be tired of these digressions, my dear friend, but I set out by
+forewarning you that my opinions would be freely stated; and while
+touching on a period of mortal life, where the body no less than the
+mind usually takes its direction for the rest of our pilgrimage, I
+cannot pass by any thing that appears to me of real importance to
+either. We will now return to what poets have sung and citizens sighed
+for, time out of mind--the delights of rural life.
+
+All cramping is decidedly bad: wholesome restraints there are, which
+parents are bound to lay upon their children, and the latter to submit
+to; and among other things, I am sure a defined method and regular
+habits in education, work, and play, together, with a most strict
+attention to scrupulous punctuality, are not only valuable but
+indispensable to a right government of the mind and conduct in after-
+life. I have daily cause to lament the unavoidable neglect of such a
+system in my own case, during three important years; but unavoidable it
+was, unless my life had been sacrificed to the maintenance of such
+order. Accordingly, mine was the life of a butterfly; and whatever of
+the busy bee has since appeared in my proceedings must be ascribed to
+divine grace alone. I often recall those days of summer sunshine to
+which I have alluded; and the scarcely less joyous winter season, when,
+ploughing the light snow, we raced with our inseparable companion, the
+favorite pointer, or built up a brittle giant for the glory of
+demolishing him with balls of his own substance, or directed the soft
+missiles against each other. Accompanied by our father, but never alone,
+we made excursions upon our frozen stream; and very sweet it was to the
+fond hearts of my tender parents to watch the mantling glow of health,
+the elastic vigor of increasing stature, and the unbounded play of most
+exuberant spirits, in the poor child whom they had expected to enclose
+in an early grave. How often, seated on the low wide brick-work corner
+of the immense fireplace in a neighboring farm-house, have I been smoked
+among hams and tongues, while watching the progress of baking a homely
+cake upon those glowing wood-embers, or keeping guard over a treasury of
+apples, nuts, and elderberry wine, all streaming together in the
+lusciousness of a promised feast? Patriotism is with me no inert
+principle; it verily lives and acts and pervades my whole spirit; and I
+believe its energetic character, except as God deigns to work by his
+especial influence, is traceable to that early acquaintance with what is
+most purely English among us--the homes and the habits of our own bold
+yeomanry.
+
+Cities may resemble one another, and the aping propensities of their
+inhabitants produce among them a rapid approximation of appearance and
+manners; but where shall we look for the counterpart of a rural English
+HOME? The thing is as untransferable as the word is untranslatable. The
+antique village church, with its broad square tower or low spire, its
+stone porch and oak seats, its narrow casements and the many vestiges of
+those abominations which the besom of the blessed Reformation swept from
+our services, though it could not, without demolishing the building,
+efface their relics from its walls; the churchyard surrounding its base,
+with undulating hillocks of mortality clad in long, rich grass, where
+lie, half hidden, the old grey monumental stones that can no longer tell
+the tale of bygone generations; the more modern sculpture, and the
+homely grave-rail standing sentry over the last resting-place of the
+poor, while some venerable tree overshadows the ground, where it has
+probably stood since the first stone of that modest temple was laid by
+our forefathers--all these are so endearingly English. The broad, rich
+fields, the hedgerow boundaries and stately lines of vigorous trees
+guarding their native soil; and above all, the manly bearing of a bold,
+an independent, and a peaceful peasantry, the humblest of whom knows
+that his cottage is a chartered sanctuary, protected alike from the
+aggressions of civil and of ecclesiastical tyranny--these, too, are
+English, sacredly English; and they leave upon the heart that has once
+expanded among them, an impress never to be effaced. Among national
+reformers, what a noble position would he occupy who should prevail upon
+our monied countrymen to exchange their habits of periodical vagrancy
+into popish lands, for a sojourn in the moral districts of their own
+Protestant England, in the confidence that the climate which agreed with
+their fathers from generation to generation--as the dates and ages
+decipherable on our monuments will testify--would not annihilate them;
+and that the sphere in which God had seen good to place them was that
+wherein he purposed them to move, to exert their influence, and to
+occupy for his glory, with the talents committed to their charge.
+
+I have told you how books of imagination had supplanted the Bible in my
+esteem; those books now, in a measure, yielded to the irresistible
+attraction of outdoor amusement; but my mind was so abundantly stored
+with the glittering tinsel of unsanctified genius, as it shone forth in
+the pages of my beloved poets, that no room was left for a craving after
+better studies. Yet the turn of my mind was devotional in the extreme;
+so much so, that had the Lord permitted me at that time to come in
+contact with the wily fascinations of popery, I am sure I should have
+fallen, for a season at least, into the snare. God was really in all my
+thoughts; not as the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ--not as a
+being of purer eyes than to behold iniquity--not as He whom I was
+required to glorify in my body and in my spirit, being bought with a
+price, to be no longer my own but his; no, my religion was a very
+attractive sort of Deism, which recognized the Creator of all those
+things wherein I delighted, and thought to render him great honor by
+such recognition. Thomson's "Hymn on the Seasons" was my body of
+divinity; and Pope's atrocious "Universal Prayer" would have become my
+manual of devotion, had not my father denounced it as a most blasphemous
+outrage upon revelation, and charged me never to repeat what he deeply
+regretted that I had committed to memory. I hated profanity, and would
+not have omitted the private repetition of a form of prayer, morning or
+evening, on any account, nor absented myself from public worship. A
+slighting expression applied to the Bible would kindle me into glowing
+resentment, expressed with no less sincerity than earnestness, and as a
+matter of duty I devoted some time every Sabbath-day to the perusal of
+God's word, with which I had become more extensively acquainted by
+reading it during sermon-time at church. I well know that even then, and
+at a much earlier period too, conviction of my own sinfulness was
+working very deeply, though not permanently, in my mind: it was not an
+abiding impression, but a thing of fits and starts, overwhelming me
+while it lasted, but soon shaken off by diverting my thoughts to
+something else. These convictions were unquestionably the result of my
+occasional readings in God's book: they always occurred during or
+immediately after such perusal, or when some passage was suddenly
+brought to my recollection.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER III.
+
+EARLY DAYS.
+
+
+I grew up a healthy, active, light-hearted girl, wholly devoted to
+reading and to rural occupations. The latter, particularly gardening,
+served as a counterpoise to the sedentary temptation that would have
+proved physically injurious; but laying in, as I daily did, a plentiful
+store of romantic adventure or fascinating poetry for rumination when
+abroad, my mind was unprofitably occupied at all times, to the exclusion
+of better things. On Sundays, indeed, I made it a point of conscience to
+abstain from light reading; and, as far as I could, to banish from my
+thoughts the week's acquisition of folly. I went to church, and read the
+Bible at home with a sermon of Blair's, or some similar writer wholly
+destitute of gospel light; and I generally had a short fit of
+compunction, on that day, for having been so wholly absorbed in worldly
+things during the preceding six; for even then God was striving with me
+to bring me unto himself, and many a strong conviction did I forcibly
+stifle. The warmth of my natural feelings, the ardor with which I
+entered into every thing that interested them, and a sort of energy that
+always longed to be doing where any cause that I considered good was to
+be promoted--all these would have rendered me a working character, had I
+obeyed the gracious call to go into the Lord's vineyard. I say a call,
+because though as yet I know nothing whatever of the gospel, I could not
+overlook or misunderstand the reiterated injunctions of Scripture to
+seek spiritual wisdom, to ask for guidance, and to occupy with the
+talent committed to my charge. I knew the promise, "They that seek me
+early shall find me," and more than once I trembled under such
+scriptures as the latter part of Proverbs 1; but my Sunday resolutions
+vanished before the Monday's dawning light, and I rushed again with a
+redoubled zest into the seductive regions of my imaginary world. Oh, how
+greatly do they err who think that such studies may be safely engaged in
+by the young and excitable mind. Some indeed there are so phlegmatic as
+to be proof against all the charms of poesy, insensible to the highest
+illusions of romance; but their number is small, and the individuals
+hard to identify, because a very cold exterior is often like the snow-
+capped heights of Etna, overspreading a hoard of volcanic elements of
+which the burst and blaze will some day be terrific. Such seem imbued
+with the spirit of indifference, because they are abstracted and silent
+when the laugh and merry jest go round among their companions; whereas
+this abstraction, from outward things results not from deadness of
+feeling, but from the intensity with which the mind is brooding over
+some phantom known only to itself. Nor do this class of dreamers always
+appear devoted to Books: a little reading goes far with them; and the
+quality rather than the quantity of their selections is to be looked to.
+
+I have known many parents and teachers argue that it is better to bring
+the young acquainted with our standard poets and prose authors of a
+worldly cast, while they are yet under careful superintendence, so as to
+neutralize what may be unprofitable by judicious remark, and to avert
+the dangers attendant on such fascinating introductions at a riper age,
+when the restraints of authority are removed. Against this, two reasons
+have prevailed with me to exclude from my book-shelves all the furniture
+of a worldly library, and to watch against its introduction from other
+quarters. One is; the consideration that we are not authorized to
+calculate on the continuance of any creature's mortal existence; nor can
+we ever know that the being whom we are training for eternity will not
+be called into it before such period of life as is here anticipated. In
+such a case, how sad to feel that we have needlessly forestalled an evil
+day, and even momentarily diverted the young spirit from a sacred path.
+The other consideration is this: that as the flesh and the devil will
+assuredly do their parts without help from me, and the children of this
+world, who are wiser in their generation than the children of light,
+will certainly do the same; I may take a lesson of policy from them,
+using my best endeavors to preoccupy the field with what is decidedly
+good, and humbly hoping that the seed so sown may, through the operation
+of the Holy Spirit, take root before the tares are introduced, leaving
+little room for them to grow.
+
+Of all the errors into which the world has fallen, none is more fatally
+mischievous than the habit of overlooking the personality, the energy,
+the power, the watchfulness, the deep cunning of the devil. By a
+conventional system, no doubt of his own suggesting, he is never to be
+named but in the act of worshipping God, or that of spiritual
+instruction. Any other robber and murderer, who was known to be on the
+watch to attack our houses, would be the subject of free discourse: his
+habits, his haunts, his usual plans, his successful and his baffled
+assaults in former cases, would be talked over, and thus a salutary fear
+would be kept alive, influencing us to bolt and bar, and watch and ward
+with unfailing vigilance, to avert a surprise. But Satan seems to be a
+privileged person: we learn, in the nursery, to fancy him a hideous
+caricature of human nature, with horns, hoof, and a tail, inspiring
+disgust, and a childish fear that wears off as we advance into youth,
+leaving an impression rather ludicrous than alarming of the ugly phantom
+that, nevertheless, continues identified with him of whom we read in the
+Bible. We then perhaps take up Milton, engrafting his poetical
+conception upon the original nursery stock, and make a devil half
+monster, half archangel, invested with the ugliness of the first and the
+sublimity of the second, but still far removed from the scripture
+character of that roaring lion who "goeth about seeking whom he may
+devour." We do not realize his existence, his presence, his devices;
+and so we often do his work from sheer ignorance or inexcusable
+thoughtlessness about it.
+
+With me, as I have told you, the Bible did its work and conscience did
+hers; but a passion for the unreal proved too strong for both.
+Undoubtedly God could have wrought, as afterwards he did, to the casting
+down of imaginations and every thing that exalteth itself against
+Christ. But how many years of sorrow might have been averted, or how
+greatly at least might those sorrows have been mitigated, had not the
+inveteracy of a long-cherished disease required such sharp discipline to
+bring it under. Pride was the master-sin of my corrupt nature, a pride
+that every child of Adam inherits, but which peculiarly beset me. It was
+not what usually goes by that name: no one ever accused me of an
+approach to haughtiness, neither was I boastful or forward, as far as I
+know; but I delighted to model my own character according to the
+standard set forth in my foolish books, and by the contemplation of them
+I hoped to succeed. I loved to mark in others a mean, ungenerous,
+selfish, or malicious trait, and to contrast with it my own high-flown
+notions of the opposite qualities. My memory was well stored with fine
+sentiments concerning human dignity, honor, virtue, and so forth; and
+while secretly applying them--for I was not inclined to make ill-natured
+remarks--in contrast to the failings of those around me, I naturally
+learned to identify myself with the aforesaid sentiments, and to take it
+for granted it was I who shone so brightly at other people's expense.
+This is the inevitable consequence of measuring ourselves by ourselves,
+as all will do who are not led betimes to the standard appointed of God.
+
+And now, the chambers of imagery being well furnished, I became in
+thought the heroine of all the foolish, improbable adventures I met
+with. Shakspeare and others having furnished me with dresses and
+decorations, every day of my life had its drama. Adventures the most
+improbable, situations the most trying, and conversation the most
+nonsensical among a visionary acquaintance of my own creating, became
+the constant amusement of my mind; or if I took a fancy to any new
+companion, that individual was metamorphosed into something equally
+unreal, and was soon looked upon in the light, not of sober reality, but
+of fanciful extravagance. Of course my estimate alike of persons and of
+things was egregiously false; and with a fair portion of common-sense
+naturally belonging to me, I became most emphatically a fool. Even when
+employed at the pencil, which I dearly loved, I could not trace a figure
+on the paper or a landscape on the canvas, that did not presently become
+the subject of a separate romance; and it never occurred to me that
+there was danger, much less sin, in this. I loved dancing to excess, and
+took much delight in all that was brilliant and beautiful; but upon the
+whole I preferred the uninterrupted course of my own vain thoughts, and
+then admired myself for being of a less dissipated turn than my young
+friends. Of course, I am now speaking of the time when, according to the
+world's usage, and rather earlier than usual, that is to say, at
+sixteen, I was introduced into society, by making my appearance at a
+grand election ball; and moreover, publicly receiving the compliments of
+the most polished and distinguished of our successful candidates, for
+sundry political squibs, said to be full of drollery and point, which
+had been traced home to me. Alas for the girl who makes such a debut! We
+were now again resident in the town, or rather within the precincts, as
+they are called, surrounding that venerable cathedral which had been the
+object of my babyish contemplations, and which is endeared to me beyond
+any other spot in my native place.
+
+My beloved companion, my brother, had always manifested the most decided
+predilection for a military life. Often had he, in earliest childhood,
+toddled away from the gate after the fife and drum of a recruiting
+party; and often did he march and countermarch me, till I could not
+stand for fatigue, with a grenadier's cap, alias a muff, on my head, and
+my father's large cane shouldered by way of a firelock. The menaced
+invasion had added fuel to his martial fire, and when any other line of
+life was pointed out to him, his high spirits would droop, and the
+desire of his heart show itself with increasing decision. Our parents
+were very anxious to settle him at home for my sake, who seemed unable
+to live without him; and I am sure that my influence would have
+prevailed even over his long-cherished inclination, so dearly did he
+love me, but here the effect of that pernicious reading showed itself
+and forged the first link in a long chain of sorrows. I viewed the
+matter through the lying medium of romance: glory, fame, a conqueror's
+wreath or a hero's grave, with all the vain merit of such a sacrifice as
+I must myself make in sending him to the field--these wrought on me to
+stifle in my aching bosom the cry of natural affection, and I encouraged
+the boy in his choice, and helped him to urge on our parents this
+offering up of their only son, the darling of all our hearts, to the
+Moloch of war.
+
+Finding that he could not be dissuaded, my father gave a reluctant
+consent; and let me here record an instance of generous kindness on the
+part of the bishop. He went to London, and by dint of personal,
+persevering importunity, obtained in a few days a commission in the
+army, at a time when seven hundred applicants, many of them backed by
+strong interest, were waiting for the same boon. The suddenness of the
+thing was quite stunning; we calculated on a delay of this sore trial;
+but it was done, and he was ordered to repair immediately, not to the
+dépôt, but to his regiment, then hotly engaged in the Peninsula. The
+bishop's kindness did not end here; he carried his generosity further in
+other ways, and likewise gave him introductions of great value. I love
+to record it of one whose public conduct as a Protestant prelate I am
+compelled to lament, but whose private character was most lovely.
+
+Upheld by the intoxicating power of senseless romance, not by confidence
+in God, nor even by the reality of the patriotism that I persuaded
+myself was at the root of it all, I bore to see that beloved companion
+of my life depart for the scene of most bloody conflict. He was not
+nearly full grown; a blooming beautiful boy, reared, and up to that time
+tenderly guarded under the parental roof, in almost exclusive
+companionship with me. There was indeed but one heart between us, and
+neither could fancy what it would be to rejoice or to suffer alone. Of
+this I had given a proof in the preceding year. He took the measles and
+was exceedingly ill, and great precautions were used to preserve me from
+the infection; but, unable to brook a separation from him, I baffled
+their vigilance, burst into his apartment, and laying my cheek to his,
+resisted for a while all efforts to remove me. To my infinite delight I
+sickened immediately, and considered it an ample compensation for all
+attendant suffering, that I was allowed to sit constantly in the same
+room with him.
+
+How strong, how sweet, how sacred is the tie that binds an only sister
+to an only brother, when they have been permitted to grow up together
+untrammelled by the heartless forms of fashion; unrivalled by alien
+claimants in their confiding affection; undivided in study, in sport,
+and in interest. Some object, that such union renders the boy too
+effeminate and the girl too masculine. In our case it did neither. He
+was the manliest, the hardiest, most decided, most intrepid character
+imaginable; but in manners sweet, gentle, and courteous, as they will be
+who are accustomed to look with protecting tenderness on an associate
+weaker than themselves. And as for me, though I must plead guilty to the
+charge of being more healthy, more active, and perhaps more energetic,
+than young ladies are usually expected to be, still I never was
+considered unfeminine; and the only peculiarity resulting from this
+constant companionship with one of the superior sex, was to give me a
+high sense of that superiority, with a habit of deference to man's
+judgment and submission to man's authority, which I am quite sure God
+intended the woman to yield. Every way has this fraternal tie been a
+rich blessing to me. The love that grew with us from our cradles never
+knew diminution from time or distance. Other ties were formed, but they
+did not supersede or weaken this. Death tore away all that was mortal
+and perishable, but this tie he could not sunder. As I loved him while
+he was on earth, so do I love him now that he is in heaven; and while I
+cherish in his sons the living likeness of what he was, my heart
+evermore yearns towards him where he is.
+
+Parents are wrong to check as they do the outgoings of fraternal
+affection, by separating those whom God has especially joined as the
+offspring of one father and one mother. God has beautifully mingled
+them, by sending now a babe of one sex, now of the other, and suiting,
+as any careful observer may discern, their various characters to form a
+domestic whole. The parents interpose, packing off the boys to some
+school where no softer influence exists to round off, as it were, the
+rugged points of the masculine disposition, and where they soon lose all
+the delicacy of feeling peculiar to a brother's regard, and learn to
+look on the female character in a light wholly subversive of the
+frankness, the purity, the generous care for which earth can yield no
+substitute, and the loss of which only transforms him who ought to be
+the tender preserver of woman into her heartless destroyer. The girls
+are either grouped at home, with the blessed privilege of a father's eye
+still upon them, or sent away in a different direction from their
+brothers, exposed through unnatural and unpalatable restraints, to evils
+not perhaps so great, but every whit as wantonly incurred as the others.
+The shyness, miscalled retiring modesty, with which one young lady
+shrinks from the notice of a gentleman as though there were danger in
+his approach, and the conscious coquettish air, miscalled ease, with
+which another invites his notice, are alike removed from the reality of
+either modesty or ease. Both result from a fictitious mode of education
+--both are the consequences of nipping in the bud those sisterly feelings
+that lay a fair foundation for the right use of those privileges to
+which she looks forward as a member of society; and if the subject be
+viewed through the clear medium of Christian principle, its lights will
+become more brilliant, its shadows more dark, the longer and the closer
+we contemplate it.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER IV.
+
+YOUTH.
+
+
+Hitherto you have not heard of any spiritually minded person connected
+with my early life; yet there was one, I feel sure, though my
+recollections are confused and imperfect on that point; and one to whose
+prayers, if not to her teaching, I surely owe something.
+
+My father's mother was a fine, sprightly, robust old lady, rather small
+in stature, and already bending a little under the burden of years at
+the time when I first recollect her as mingling in the visions of my
+childhood, though I know that even from infancy I was the delight of her
+warm honest heart. She was simplicity itself in manners, her blunt
+speeches sometimes clashing a little with her son's notions of polish
+and refinement, as also did her inveterate antipathy to the reigning
+fashion, whatever that might be. I remember her reading me a lecture
+upon something novel in the cut of a sleeve, ending by this remark: "I
+never wore a gown but of one shape; and because I don't follow the
+fashion, the fashion is forced to come to me sometimes by way of a
+change. I can't help that, you know, my dear; but I never was
+fashionable on purpose." She added some pious remarks on vanity and
+folly, which I soon forgot; but the other dwelt on my mind because it
+chimed in with my own love of independence--a prominent characteristic
+with me; too often carried to the excess of self-willed obstinacy.
+However, I dearly loved and exceedingly respected my grand mother, and
+used in my heart to glory in her smooth clean locks, half brown, half
+grey, combed down from under a snowy cap of homely make, when she had
+successfully resisted alike the entreaties and examples of contemporary
+dames, who submitted their heads to the curling-irons and powder-puff of
+a _frizeur_, preparatory to an evening party. I used to stand
+proudly at her knee, admiring the high color of her cheek, and uncommon
+brilliancy of her fine dark hazle eye, while her voice, remarkably rich
+and clear, involuntarily swelled the chorus parts of our magnificent
+music.
+
+She was a Percy, not by name, for that had been lost in the female line
+some generations before, but the pedigree in my possession shows how
+just was her vaunt in that respect. For vaunt it she did, to us at
+least, often bringing it forward to check any tendency to behavior
+unbefitting those who claimed descent from
+
+    "The stout earl of Northumberland,"
+
+with whom I ought to be well acquainted, for the singing of Chevy Chace
+in proper time and tune with her, was the only secular accomplishment in
+which my dear grandmother personally labored to perfect me, except
+knitting and curious old-fashioned needlework. The pride of ancestry
+took strong hold of my mind, and such an ancestry accorded but too well
+with my romance, innate and acquired. It stood me, many a time, in the
+stead of better things, when nerving myself to endure affliction and
+wrong; and therefore I notice it, to warn you against exposing your own
+children to the same snare.
+
+Next to the fashion, if not in an equal or superior degree, I think my
+grandmother most abhorred the French. Indeed her strongest denunciations
+against the reigning modes were usually clinched with the triumphant
+assertion that they were "French fashions." No marvel if her spirit was
+stirred within her by the horrors of revolutionary France, and her
+Protestantism strengthened by the butcheries of "Ninety-eight." I knew
+that she was a protester and a tory of no common stamp; and I knew that
+she brought her Bible forward in support of every opinion that she
+uttered. Rarely did I visit her without finding her buried in the study
+of that blessed book; and I know that she strove to teach me much of its
+meaning; but our change of residence proved a great bar to personal
+intercourse, and she never wrote letters. I sometimes trace impressions
+on my mind, made in early life, which I am sure must have been through
+her means, and though the good seed died on the ground, while the weeds
+took root and flourished, still, here and there a grain might sink below
+the surface, to spring up after many days.
+
+And now I must record my first sorrow, although I cannot dwell upon it
+as on some other things. My brother had been nearly two years absent, on
+service in the Peninsula, when an apoplectic attack arrested my lather
+in the midst of life and health and vigor, and every promise of
+lengthened years. The premonitory visitations of repeated strokes were
+disregarded, for we could not, would not, realize the approach of such
+an event, and persisted in believing them nervous; but just when all
+cause for alarm seemed at an end, and I was rejoicing in the assurance
+of its being so, I was called from my pillow at midnight to see that
+tender and beloved parent die. The bereavement was terrible to me: I had
+always been his principal companion, because no one else in the family
+had a taste for those things in which he delighted--literature and
+politics especially--and since my brother's departure, instead of
+seeking to replace him by friends of my own age, I had turned wholly to
+my father, never desiring to pass an hour out of his society, and
+striving to be to him both daughter and son. My mother was a perfect
+devotee to household affairs, every thought occupied in seeking to
+promote the domestic comforts of her family; while I, indulging a
+natural antipathy to all that did not engage the intellectual powers,
+gave her no help there, I was truly cumbering the ground, seeking only
+my own gratification, and dignifying my selfishness with many fine
+names, only because it was best indulged in my own dear home. From the
+period of my loss of hearing, music had been wholly banished; my father
+seemed to lose all relish for what could no longer minister enjoyment to
+me, and deeply I felt the force of that affection which could so
+instantly and wholly overcome the ruling passion of his mind,
+accompanied as it was with such exquisite skill in that delightful
+science as rendered him the admiration of all who came within its
+influence. It redoubled my devotion to him, and most bitter was the
+anguish of my heart when I beheld him taken away at a stroke.
+
+Was this affliction sanctified to me? Not in the least. I found a luxury
+in grieving alone, brooding on the past, and painting the probable
+future in any colors but those of reality. My father had enjoyed two
+livings with a minor canonry in the cathedral, but the emolument was
+very small, and his income had not allowed him, as yet, to make any
+provision for us. A small annuity was all that my mother could depend
+on, and I resolved to become a novel-writer, for which I was just
+qualified, both by nature and habits of thinking, and in which I should
+probably have succeeded very well, but it pleased God to save me from
+this snare. My brother's unexpected return on leave, with our subsequent
+changes of abode, paying visits among friends, and keeping my thoughts
+constantly unsettled, hindered the execution of the project; and when my
+brother returned to Portugal, we repaired to London, to make a long stay
+with some near relations. It was there that I met with the gentleman, an
+officer on leave of absence, whose wife, at the end of six months, I
+became.
+
+I am longing to arrive at that period when the light of the glorious
+gospel of Christ first shone upon me through the darkness of many trying
+dispensations; therefore I pass by much that intervened, including my
+dear brother's marriage, who returned again to London with his bride and
+his mother, to resume his staff situation there; and shall only take you
+with me across the Atlantic, for a few Nova Scotian reminiscences,
+before proceeding to the scene of my most precious recollections, dear
+Ireland. My husband had joined his regiment in Halifax, and sent me a
+summons to follow him out without delay; in order to which I was obliged
+to embark in a large vessel taken up partially by government for the
+conveyance of troops, but in which there was a select party, occupying
+the state cabin, and making their own terms with the captain for the
+best possible accommodation and provision on the passage. Of this number
+was I; and certainly a more select, polished and agreeable party of
+highly bred gentlemen could not have been found. I went under the kind
+care of one of these, with his wife, who had invited me to travel with
+them.
+
+Have you ever been at sea? It is a question the answer to which will
+throw very little light on the matter, unless you also state how it
+agreed with you: no two races on the earth can be more distinct than
+those two are upon the water--the people who are sea-sick and the people
+who are not. It was my happy privilege to belong to the latter class; I
+never for a moment experienced even an unpleasant sensation from any
+marine cause, but on the contrary enjoyed exemption from all physical
+annoyances during a five weeks' voyage, excepting that of hunger. An
+abundant supply of every thing that was nourishing, in the most
+palatable form, left no excuse for remaining hungry; nevertheless the
+demand was incessantly kept up; and I appeal to all who have been
+similarly affected, whether the munching of hard sea-bread from morning
+to night under the pressure of a real sea appetite, is not a greater
+luxury than the choicest viands on shore. To me it certainly was; and
+surely I had reason to be deeply thankful to the Lord, who, by means of
+that delicious voyage, and its bracing exhilarating effects, prepared me
+for a trying winter in the singular climate for which I was bound.
+
+Every day, and all day long, be the weather what it might, I was
+stationed on deck, generally seated on the highest point of the ship's
+stern, directly over the rudder, to enjoy a full view of that most
+graceful and exquisite spectacle, a large vessel's course through the
+mighty deep. Ours was a splendid one, a West Indiaman, almost rivalling
+the sea-palaces of the East India Company, and manned in the first
+style. The troops on board, under the command of a field officer,
+greatly added to the effect and comfort of the thing, for nothing is so
+conducive to the latter as military discipline, well and mildly
+maintained. Although our party was perfectly distinct from those who
+went out entirely at the charge of government, consisting of several
+officers and their wives, yet we too were nearly all military, including
+the commandant, and were strictly amenable to martial law. Of course
+that soul of domestic and social comfort, punctuality, reigned
+paramount; every meal was regulated by beat of drum, subordination
+carefully preserved, and decorum, to the most minute particular,
+insisted on. No dishabille could appear, in the cabin or on deck; no
+litter, not an article of luggage visible. All the sick people, all the
+cross people, and all the whimsical people were stowed away in their
+respective berths, and such drawing-room elegance, combined with the
+utmost freedom of good-humor and the unrestrained frankness that results
+from a consciousness of proper restraint, pervaded our little select
+coterie, amounting to seventeen gentlemen and two ladies, that it did
+not need the miserable contrast which I afterwards experienced on the
+homeward passage, to assure me we were among the most favored of ocean
+travellers.
+
+How very much do they err who consider the absence of order and method
+as supplying greater liberty or removing a sense of restraint. Such
+freedom is galling to me; and in my eyes, the want of punctuality is a
+want of honest principle; for however people may think themselves
+authorized to rob God and themselves of their own time, they can plead
+no right to lay a violent hand on the time and duties of their neighbor.
+I say it deliberately, that I have been defrauded of hundreds of pounds,
+and cruelly deprived of my necessary refreshment in exercise, in sleep,
+and even in seasonable food, through this disgraceful want of
+punctuality in others, more than through any cause whatsoever besides.
+It is also very irritating; for a person who would cheerfully bestow a
+piece of gold, does not like to be swindled out of a piece of copper;
+and of many an hour have I been ungenerously wronged, to the excitement
+of feelings in themselves far from right, when I would gladly have so
+arranged my work as to bestow upon the robbers thrice the time they made
+me wantonly sacrifice. To say, "I will come to you on such a day,"
+leaving the person to expect you early, and then, after wasting her day
+in that uncomfortable, unsettled state of looking out for a guest, which
+precludes all application to present duties, to come late in the
+evening--or to accept an invitation to dinner, and either break the
+engagement or throw the household into confusion by making it wait--to
+appoint a meeting, and fail of keeping your time--all these, and many
+other effects of this vile habit are exceedingly disgraceful, and wholly
+opposed to the scriptural rules laid down for the governance of our
+conduct one to another. I say nothing of the insult put upon the Most
+High, the daring presumption of breaking in upon the devotions of his
+worshippers, and involving them in the sin of abstractedness from the
+solemn work before them, by entering late into the house of prayer. Such
+persons may one day find they have a more serious account to render on
+the score of their contempt of punctuality, than they seem willing to
+believe.
+
+But I have run away from my ship--yet not so; for as every thing shines
+out most by contrast, it was natural to think on the ugly reverse when
+recalling the beautiful harmony and order of our regulations on board.
+We were favored with most delightful weather, fresh and dry and warm;
+with only one day's hard rain, during which the sea "ran mountains," as
+the sailors said. I was conducted on deck, "just for one minute, that
+you may be able to say you have seen such a sea," remarked the gentleman
+who put a military cloak over me, and led me up the stairs. But who
+could be satisfied with a momentary sight of any thing so stupendously
+grand? I resisted all efforts to persuade me into retreating again, and
+it ended in my being lashed to the mizenmast by my friendly conductor,
+who declared that his head, the best landsman's head on board, would not
+stand the giddy scene; in short, that he should be obliged to report
+himself sick, and exchange our agreeable society below for the solitude
+of his berth. Of course I dismissed him, and was left among the
+mountains, alone, save when a sailor passed me on his duties among the
+rigging, and gave me a smile of approval, while the man at the wheel
+seemed to regard me as being under his especial patronage. The tars love
+one who does not flinch from their own element.
+
+Truly, I saw that day the works of the Lord and his wonders in the great
+deep. Imagine yourself in a ship, large among vessels, but a mere cork
+upon the waters of that mighty main. On every side, turn where you
+would, a huge mountain of irregular form was rising-dark, smooth, of
+unbroken surface, but seeming about to burst from over-extension. How
+did you come into that strange valley? how should you get out of it? how
+avoid the rush of that giant billow that even now overhangs your bark?
+These questions would inevitably rush through the mind; but in a second
+of time the huge body beside you sunk, you were on its summit, and
+another came rolling on. Meanwhile the ship would reel, with a slow
+slanting movement that gradually lowered the tall masts till the yards
+almost dipped in the brine, and you were either laid back on the frame-
+work behind you, or well-nigh suspended, looking down upon the water
+over the ship's bulwarks. I soon discovered why my companion had so
+carefully buckled the leather strap that held me to the mast; certainly
+I cannot recall the scene with such steadiness of nerve as I beheld it
+with. Every now and then a small billow would burst upon the vessel's
+side, sending its liquid treasure across the deck, and more than one
+ablution of the kind was added to the fresh-water drenching bestowed by
+the clouds. Can you fancy the discomfort of such a situation? Then you
+were never at sea, or at least you left your imagination ashore; for I
+defy any person not well inured to it, to look on such a scene with so
+negative a feeling as discomfort; it will excite either terror or
+delight sufficient to engross the whole mind.
+
+I well remember that, when deeply affected by the grandeur of this and
+other aspects assumed by the majestic main, I found the highest flights
+of man's sublimity too low. They would not express, would not chime in
+with my conceptions; and I was driven to the inspired pages for a
+commentary on the glorious scene. It was then that the language of Job,
+of Isaiah, of Habakkuk, supplied me with a strain suited to the sublime
+accompaniment of God's magnificent work. Sunrise I could not witness,
+because at that hour no lady might appear on deck, and my cabin had not
+a side-window; but sunset, moonlight, starlight, with the various
+phenomena of ocean's ever-varying appearance, these furnished an endless
+contemplation with which nothing could accord but the language of Holy
+writ. I did not bring forth my Bible, well knowing the bantering remarks
+to which it would have exposed me on the score of affectation, but my
+memory served me equally well in that as in profane poetry; and many a
+precious word of warning, exhortation, and promise did I recite,
+enchanted by the sublimity of what, as to its spiritual meaning, was
+still an unknown tongue to me. Among these, the thirty-second of
+Deuteronomy, the fortieth of Isaiah, and other passages full of the
+gospel, were repeatedly called to mind; and above all, in blowing
+weather, the forty-sixth Psalm delighted me.
+
+You may suppose that I could not wholly forget the fact of being where,
+in the strictest sense, there was but a step between me and death. The
+first day of our voyage some one had quoted the expression, "There is
+but a plank between us and eternity," not with any serious application,
+but as a fine thought. I do not think that I was ever for a moment
+unmindful of this; the presence of actual danger was always felt by me:
+but concerning eternity I had no fears whatever. A general reliance on
+the boundless mercy of God, a recognition of Christ as having suffered
+for our sins, and a degree of self-righteousness that easily threw my
+sins into the shade, while magnifying my supposed merits, these formed
+the staff whereon I leaned; and when the most imminent and appalling
+peril overhung us, so that we expected to be ingulfed in the waves
+without hope of succor, I looked it boldly in the face, confident in my
+false hope. Although just then revelling in enjoyments best suited to my
+natural taste, life had in reality no charms for me. From all that had
+gilded the sonny hours of youth I was completely severed, and the world
+on which I had launched was a wilderness indeed in comparison with the
+Eden I had left. I would not have made the slightest effort to escape
+from death in any form; and though I was not senseless enough to prefer
+an eternity of untried wretchedness to the fleeting sorrows of mortal
+life, yet as my conscience was lulled to rest by the self-delusion that
+I suffered more than I deserved, and had therefore a claim on divine
+justice, and as I was willing to receive the supposed balance of such
+debtor and creditor account in the world to come, I was perfectly
+content to be summoned to my reward. Blessed be God that I was not taken
+away in that hour of blind willingness.
+
+The extreme peril to which I have alluded overtook us when within a
+short distance of our destination; we were suddenly caught by a
+tremendous wind from the south, which blew us right in the direction of
+Cape Sable, one of the most fatal headlands in those seas. Night closed
+upon us and the gale increased; sails were spread, in a desperate hope
+of shifting the vessel's course, but were instantly torn into ribbons.
+At one time, for a moment, the rudder broke loose, the tiller-rope
+giving way under the violent strain upon it; and the next minute the
+spanker-boom, an immense piece of timber, snapped like a reed. It was an
+awful scene: on the leeside the ship lay so low in the water that every
+thing was afloat in the sleeping cabins; and the poor ladies were
+screaming over their terrified children, unheeded by the gentlemen,
+every one of whom was on deck. The captain openly declared we were bound
+for the bottom, if a very sudden and unlikely change of wind did not
+take place. In the midst of all this, I was reported missing, and as I
+had the privilege of being every body's care, because, for the time
+being, I belonged to nobody, a search was commenced. A young officer
+found me, at last, so singularly situated, that he went and reported me
+to the captain. I had climbed three tiers of lockers in the state cabin,
+opened one of the large stern windows, and was leaning out, as far as I
+could reach, enraptured beyond expression with the terrific grandeur of
+the scene. The sky above was black as midnight and the storm could make
+it, overhanging us like a large pall, and rendered awfully visible by
+the brilliancy of the waters beneath. I had heard of that phosphorescent
+appearance in the sea, but never could have imagined its grandeur, nor
+can I essay to describe it. Even in perfect stillness the illuminated
+element would have looked magnificent; what, then must it have been in a
+state of excessive, tumultuous agitation, the waves swelling up to a
+fearful height and then bursting into sheets of foam; every drop
+containing some luminous animalculć sparkling with vivid, yet delicate
+lustre? We were going with headlong speed before the wind, and I hung
+right over the track of the rudder, a wild, mad eddy of silver foam,
+intermingled with fire. There was something in the scene that far
+overpassed all my extravagant imaginings of the terribly sublime. The
+hurry, the fierceness, the riot of those unfettered waters, the wild
+flash of their wondrous lights, the funereal blackness of the
+overhanging clouds, and the deep, desperate plunge of our gallant ship,
+as she seemed to rend her way through an opposing chaos--it was perfect
+delirium; and no doubt I should have appeared in keeping with the rest
+to any external observer, for I was stretching out at the window, the
+combs had fallen from my hair, which streamed as wildly as the rent
+sails; and I was frequently deluged by some bursting wave, as the dip of
+the vessel brought me down almost to the surface. The peril of an open
+window was startling to those on deck, and the captain, hearing that I
+refused to relinquish my post, sent the mate to put up the dead-lights;
+so I sat down on the floor, buried my face in my hands, and strove to
+realize the magnificence thus rent from my sight.
+
+Yes, God's works in the great deep are indeed wonders. Nothing landward
+can possibly approach them: in the rudest tempest the ground remains
+firm, and you feel that you are a spectator; but at sea you are a part
+of the storm. The plank whereon you stand refuses to support you, ever
+shifting its inclination; while the whole of your frail tenement is now
+borne aloft, now dashed into the liquid furrow beneath, now struck back
+by a head-sea with a shock that makes every timber quiver, now flung on
+one side as if about to reverse itself in the bosom of the deep. No
+doubt the sense of personal danger, the death-pang already anticipated,
+the dark abyss that yawns before the sinner, and the heaven opening on a
+believer's soul, must each and any of them deaden the sense to what I
+have vainly sought to describe; and I suppose this accounts for the
+astonishment expressed by the whole party at my singular conduct, when
+the youth who was sent to warn me of the peril, described my half-angry,
+half-reproachful pettishness at the interruption: "Can't you let me
+enjoy it in peace, Mr. J----? Shall I ever see any thing like it again?
+Do go away." "But the captain says the window _must_ be shut."
+"Then take me on deck, and you may shut it." "That is utterly
+impossible; no lady could stand for an instant on deck, your drapery
+would bear you over the ship's side." "Then I wont shut the window: so
+go and tell Captain L---- not to tease me with messages."
+
+This was downright recklessness. I wonder when recalling it to mind, and
+feel that I could not have thus sported with death after I acquired a
+good and solid hope of everlasting life. The act of dying had always
+great terrors for me, until, through adverse circumstances, I seemed to
+have nothing worth living for, and then I could laugh at it in my own
+heart. Strange to say, that fearfulness of the passage through the dark
+valley returned with double force when I had realized a personal claim
+to the guiding rod and the supporting staff, and the bright inheritance
+beyond. But before this period of blessedness, of joy and peace in
+believing arrived, I had to pass through many waters of affliction, and
+to experience remarkable interpositions at His hand who was leading me
+by a path which I knew not.
+
+Two of them I will mention. While at Annapolis and at Windsor, I had a
+horse provided for me of rare beauty and grace, but a perfect Bucephalus
+in her way. This creature was not three years old, and, to all
+appearance, unbroken. Her manners were those of a kid rather than of a
+horse; she was of a lovely dappled grey, with mane and tail of silver,
+the latter almost sweeping the ground; and in her frolicsome gambols she
+turned it over her back like a Newfoundland dog. Her slow step was a
+bound; her swift motion unlike that of any other animal I ever rode, so
+fleet, so smooth, so unruffled--I know nothing to which I can compare
+it. Well, I made this lovely creature so fond of me by constant petting,
+to which I suppose her Arab character made her peculiarly sensitive,
+that my voice had equal power over her as over my docile, faithful dog.
+No other person could in the slightest degree control her. Our corps,
+the seventh battalion of the sixtieth Rifles, was composed wholly of the
+elite of Napoleon's soldiers, taken in the Peninsula, and preferring the
+British service to a prison. They were principally conscripts, and many
+were evidently of a higher class in society than is usually found in the
+ranks. Among them were several Chasseurs and Polish Lancers, very fine
+equestrians, and as my husband had a field officer's command--on
+detachments--and allowances, our horses were well looked after. His
+groom was a Chasseur, mine a Pole; but neither could ride Fairy, unless
+she happened to be in a very gracious mood. Lord Dalhousie's English
+coachman afterwards tried his hand at taming her, but all in vain. In an
+easy quiet way, she either sent her rider over her head, or by a
+laughable manoeuvre sitting down like a dog on her haunches, slipped him
+off the other way. Her drollery made the poor men so fond of her that
+she was rarely chastised; and such a wilful, intractable wild Arab it
+would be hard to find. Upon her I was daily mounted; and surely the Lord
+watched over me then indeed. Inexperienced in riding, untaught,
+unassisted, and wholly unable to lay any check upon so powerful an
+animal, with an awkward country saddle, which by some fatality was never
+well fixed, bit and bridle to match, and the mare's natural fire
+increased by high feed, behold me bound for the wildest paths in the
+wildest regions of that wild country. But you must explore the roads
+about Annapolis, and the romantic spot called "The General's Bridge," to
+imagine either the enjoyment or the perils of that my happiest hour.
+Reckless to the last degree of desperation, I threw myself entirely on.
+the fond attachment of the noble creature; and when I saw her measuring
+with her eye some rugged fence or wild chasm, such as it was her common
+sport to leap over in her play, the soft word of remonstrance that
+checked her was uttered more from regard to her safety than my own. The
+least whisper, a pat on the neck, or a stroke down the beautiful face
+that she used to throw up towards mine, would control her: and never for
+a moment did she endanger me. This was little short of a daily miracle,
+when we consider the nature of the country, her character, and my
+unskilfulness. It can only be accounted for on the ground of that
+wondrous power which having willed me to work for a time in the vineyard
+of the Lord, rendered me immortal until the work should be done. Oh that
+my soul, and all that is within me could sufficiently bless the Lord,
+and remember all his benefits.
+
+I was then unmindful of, and unthankful for his protection; I revelled
+in the delights of a freedom that none could share but my dog, who never
+left the side of his associate. Shall I give you a sketch of the group,
+in some lines composed during one of those excursions? They may partly
+describe it. I found, them among some old papers.
+
+  "I know by the ardor thou canst not restrain,
+  By the curve of thy neck and the toss of thy mane,
+  By the foam of thy snorting which spangles my brow,
+  The fire of the Arab is hot in thee now.
+  'Twere harsh to control thee, my frolicsome steed;
+  I give thee the rein--so away at thy speed;
+  Thy rider will dare to be wilful as thee,
+  Laugh the future to scorn, and partake in thy glee.
+  Away to the mountain--what need we to fear?
+  Pursuit cannot press on my Fairy's career;
+  Full light were the heel and well-balanced the head
+  That ventured to follow the track of thy tread,
+  Where roars the loud torrent and starts the rude plank,
+  And thunders the rook-severed mass down the bank,
+  While mirrored in crystal the far-shooting glow,
+  With dazzling effulgence is sparkling below.
+  One start, and I die; yet in peace I recline,
+  My bosom can rest on the fealty of thine:
+  Thou lov'st me, my sweet one, and would'st not be free,
+  From a yoke that has never borne rudely on thee.
+  Ah, pleasant the empire of those to confess,
+  Whose wrath is a whisper, their rule a caress.
+
+  "Behold how thy playmate is stretching beside,
+  As loath to be vanquished in love or in pride,
+  While upward he glances his eyeball of jet,
+  Half dreading thy fleetness may distance him yet.
+  Ah, Marco, poor Marco--our pastime to-day
+  Were reft of one pleasure if he were away.
+
+  "How precious these moments: fair freedom expands
+  Her pinions of light o'er the desolate lands;
+  The waters are flashing as bright as thine eye,
+  Unchained as thy motion the breezes sweep by,
+  Delicious they come, o'er the flower-scented earth,
+  Like whispers of love from the isle of my birth;
+  While the white-bosomed Cistus her perfume exhales,
+  And sighs out a spicy farewell to the gales.
+  Unfeared and unfearing we'll traverse the wood,
+  Where pours the rude torrent its turbulent flood:
+  The forest's red children will smile as we scour
+  By the log-fashioned hut and the pine-woven bower;
+  Thy feathery footsteps scarce bending the grass,
+  Or denting the dew-spangled moss where we pass
+
+  "What startles thee? 'Twas but the sentinel gun
+  Flashed a vesper salute to thy rival the sun;
+  He has closed his swift progress before thee, and sweeps
+  With fetlock of gold the last verge of the steeps.
+  The fire-fly anon from his covert shall glide,
+  And dark fall the shadows of eve on the tide.
+  Tread softly--my spirit is joyous no more.
+  A northern aurora, it shone and is o'er;
+  The tears will fall fast as I gather the rein,
+  And a long look reverts to yon shadowy plain."
+
+
+      *       *       *       *       *
+
+There is more of it, but nothing to the purpose of the present history.
+It cost me something to transcribe this, so vividly is the past recalled
+by it. Would to God I might more fully devote to his service every day
+of the life so wonderfully preserved by him.
+
+In addition to this continuous preservation on horseback, I experienced
+the same interposing providence when violently upset in a gig. The road
+where it occurred was strewn with broken rocks on either side, for
+miles; and scarcely one clear spot appeared, save that on which I was
+thrown, where a carpet of the softest grass overspread a perfect level
+of about twelve feet in length, and nearly the same in width. Here I
+fell, with no other injury than a contusion on the hip. The gig was
+completely reversed, the horse dashed on till he ran one of the shafts
+into a bank, and set himself fast.
+
+My sojourn in this interesting country was of two years' duration,
+marked with many mercies, among the greatest of which was the
+uninterrupted enjoyment of perfect health, although my first winter
+there was the most severe that had been known for thirty years, and the
+following summer one of the most oppressively hot they had ever
+experienced. The gradations of spring, autumn, and twilight, are there
+scarcely known, and the sudden transition from summer to winter is as
+trying to the health of an European as that from day to night is
+uncongenial to the taste. Here, too, I repented at leisure, and amended
+with no small difficulty and labor, my neglect of those accomplishments
+to which my dear mother had so often vainly solicited my attention. The
+pencil was profitless; I had long thrown it by: books were no longer an
+adequate set-off against realities, even could I have conjured up a
+library in the wilderness of Nova Scotia's inland settlement; but the
+culinary and confectionary branches were there invaluable, and in them I
+was wofully deficient. Had I not coaxed the old French soldier who
+officiated as mess-cook to give me a few lessons, we must have lived on
+raw meal and salt rations during weeks when the roads were completely
+snowed up, and no provisions could he brought in. However, I proved an
+apt scholar to poor Sebastian, and to the kind neighbors who initiated
+me into the mysteries of preserves and pastry. Young ladies cannot tell
+into what situations events may throw them; and I would strongly
+recommend the revival of that obsolete study called good housewifery.
+The woman who cannot dispense with female servants, must not travel. I
+had none for six months, keen winter months, in Annapolis; the only
+persons who could be found disengaged being of characters wholly
+inadmissible. The straits to which I was put were any thing but
+laughable at the time, though the recollection now often excites a
+smile. Indeed no perfection in European housekeeping would avail to
+guard against the devastations that a Nova Scotian frost will make, if
+not met by tactics peculiar to that climate. How could I anticipate that
+a fine piece of beef, fresh-killed, brought in at noon still warm, would
+by two o'clock require smart blows with a hatchet to slice off a steak;
+or that half-a-dozen plates, perfectly dry, placed at a moderate
+distance from the fire preparatory to dinner, would presently separate
+into half a hundred fragments, through the action of heat on their
+frosted pores; or that milk drawn from a cow within sight of my
+breakfast-table would be sheeted with ice on its passage thither; or
+that a momentary pause, for the choice of a fitting phrase in writing a
+letter, would load the nib of my pen with a black icicle? If I did not
+cry over my numerous breakages and other disasters, it was under the
+apprehension of tears freezing on my eyelids; and truly they might have
+done so, for my fingers were once in that awful condition that must have
+ended in mortification, but for the presence of mind of a poor soldier,
+who, seeing me running to the fire in that state, drew his bayonet to
+bar my approach, and wrapping a coarse cloth round my lifeless hands,
+muff-fashion, compelled me to walk up and down the spacious hall until
+the circulation returned, which it did with a sensation of agony that
+well-nigh took away my senses. This was a most signal escape, for I was
+wholly ignorant of my danger, and not a little perplexed and annoyed at
+the insubordinate conduct of the veteran, who was a model of respectful
+humility. Had he, poor fellow, known how busy those fingers would one
+day be against his religion--for he was a French Romanist--he might have
+been tempted to sheath his bayonet and give me free access to the
+tempting fire, the immense faggots of which would have sufficed to roast
+a heretic.
+
+Nova Scotia is, I firmly believe, the most generally and devotedly loyal
+of all our colonies: the attachment of its people to the mother-country
+is beautiful, and their partisanship in all questions between us and the
+States most zealous. The only fault I had to find with them was their
+indifference towards the poor relics of the Indian race still dwelling
+in the woods, who were to me objects of the liveliest interest even
+before I had any feeling of Christian duty towards the heathen--or
+towards such as those who are worse than heathen, being numbered among
+the members of the Romish church, and utterly, wretchedly ignorant even
+of such little truth as remains buried under the mass of antichristian
+error, to make its darkness more visible. The Indians are wholly
+despised; scarcely looked on as beings of the same race, by the
+generality of the colonists. Where Christian principle prevails, they
+become of course important in the highest degree; but I speak of what I
+saw, when vital godliness was little known among them, and I can aver
+that even Lord Dalhousie scarcely could succeed in stirring up a
+momentary interest for the dispersed aborigines. That excellent nobleman
+devoted himself very warmly to the work of attempting their
+civilization; and told me that if a few would join him heartily and
+zealously in the effort, he should succeed; but that, between,
+lukewarmness on the one side and suspicion on the other, he found
+himself completely baffled. It was not to be wondered at that the
+Indians had a lurking dread of experiencing again the hardships, not to
+say the treachery and cruelty, inflicted on their fathers. I enjoyed a
+high place in the affection and confidence of those interesting people,
+the origin of which may help to prove at how light an estimate the poor
+creatures were generally rated by their white brethren. My claim on
+their attachment consisted in nothing more than the performance of a
+bounden duty in sheltering for a few weeks one of their number who had,
+in a most unprovoked and cruel manner, been wounded by a party of our
+soldiers and left to perish in the woods.
+
+How beautiful do the white cliffs of Albion appear in the eyes of the
+returning wanderer who has learned by a foreign sojourn to estimate the
+comforts, the privileges, the blessings of this island home. No place
+could be more thoroughly English in feeling, habits, and principles,
+than Nova Scotia; but it was not England. The violent transition of
+seasons, so different from the soft gradations by which, with us, winter
+brightens into summer, and summer fades into winter, marked a contrast
+far from pleasing; and the intensity of cold, the fierceness of heat,
+alike unknown in our temperate climate, forced comparisons far from
+agreeable. Thus, on the lowest ground of a wholly selfish feeling, the
+approach to nay native shore could not be otherwise than delightful; but
+viewed as the mother-land, as the great emporium of commerce, the chief
+temple of liberty, the nurse of military prowess, the unconquered
+champion of all that is nationally great throughout the world, the sight
+of our free and happy isle is indeed an inspiring one to those who can
+appreciate moral grandeur. How much more, in the eyes of the Christian,
+is she to be esteemed as the glory of all lands, as possessing the true
+knowledge of God, and laboring to spread that knowledge throughout the
+world; the land of Protestantism, the land of the Bible.
+
+I really cannot understand the meaning, nor fancy what may be the
+feeling, of those who profess to have merged their patriotism in
+something of universal good-will to the household of faith all over the
+world. It seems to me every whit as unnatural as that the member of a
+Christian family should forego all the sweets of conjugal, parental,
+filial, fraternal love, in the determination to feel an equal regard for
+his neighbor's wife, husband, etc., as for his own; and, moreover, to
+take an equal concern in the affairs of his neighbor's kitchen as in his
+own household matters. This sort of generalizing regard would throw our
+respective establishments into singular confusion, and might betray
+ourselves into sundry false positions, and very awkward predicaments.
+However, the comparative extinction of natural affection would form the
+most prominently reprehensible feature in the case; and I cannot but
+think that the boasted cosmopolitanism of some good people would wear an
+aspect not very dissimilar, if rightly and soberly viewed. Certainly I
+could no more tear the love of country from my heart, than I could the
+love of kindred; and when my step again pressed the English strand, it
+was with a sensation almost resembling the fabled invigoration of the
+Titans, who derived new life, new strength, new enterprise, from coming
+in contact with their mother earth.
+
+England, indeed, contained little that was personally endearing to me,
+except my beloved surviving parent; but it was a joyous thing to embrace
+her once more, after the deep roll of the ocean had separated us for
+nearly three years; during a portion of which she had been learning to
+prize her native land, in a disgusting region of all that is most
+directly opposed to liberty, civil or religious--to honorable feeling,
+just conduct, honest principle, or practical decency. In short, she had
+been in Portugal.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER V.
+
+IRELAND.
+
+
+I now arrive at an epoch from which I may date the commencement of all
+that deserves to be called life, inasmuch as I had hitherto been living
+without God in the world. My existence was a feverish dream of vain
+pleasure first, and then of agitations and horrors. My mind was a chaos
+of useless information, my character a mass of unapplied energies, my
+heart a waste of unclaimed affections, and my hope an enigma of confused
+speculations. I had plenty to do, yet felt that I was doing nothing; and
+there was a growing want within my bosom, a craving after I know not
+what--a restless, unsatisfied, unhappy feeling, that seemed in quest of
+some unknown good. How this was awakened, I know not; it was
+unaccompanied with any conviction of my own sinfulness, or any doubt of
+my perfect safety as a child of God. I did not anticipate any
+satisfaction from change of place; but readily prepared to obey a
+summons from my husband to follow him to Ireland, whither he had gone to
+engage in a law-suit. To be sure I hated Ireland most cordially; I had
+never seen it, and as a matter of choice would have preferred New South
+Wales, so completely was I influenced by the prevailing prejudice
+against that land of barbarism. Many people despise Ireland, who, if you
+demand a reason, will tell you it is a horrid place, and the people all
+savages; but if you press for proofs and illustrations, furthermore such
+deponents say not.
+
+On a dull day in April I took my place, a solitary traveller, in the
+Shrewsbury coach, quite ignorant as to the road I was to travel, and far
+less at home than I should have been in the wildest part of North
+America, or on the deck of a ship bound to circumnavigate the globe. We
+rattled out of London, and the first thing that at all roused my
+attention was a moonlight view of Oxford, where we stopped at midnight
+to change horses. Those old grey towers, and mighty masses of ancient
+building, on which the silvery ray fell with fine effect, awoke in my
+bosom two melancholy trains of thought; one was the recollection of my
+father, whose enthusiastic attachment to his own university had often
+provoked warm discussion with the no less attached Cantabs of our old
+social parties, and who often held out to me, as the greatest of earthly
+gratifications, a visit with him to that seat of learning which he would
+describe in glowing colors. But where was my father now? His poor girl,
+the delight of his eyes and treasure of his heart, was in Oxford, with
+none to guide, none to guard, none to speak a cheering word to her. I
+shrunk back in the coach, and grieved over this till a sudden turning
+once more threw before me the outline of some magnificent old fabric
+bathed in moonlight, and that called up a fit of patriotism, calculated
+to darken, yet more the prospect before me. This was England, my own
+proud England; and these "the cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous
+palaces," that distinguished her seats of learning above all others, I
+was bound for Ireland. What English young lady had ever studied the
+history of that remote, half-civilized settlement, called Ireland? Not
+I, certainly, nor any of my acquaintance; but I took it for granted that
+Ireland had no antiquities, nothing to distinguish her from other
+barbarous lands, except that her people ate potatoes, made blunders, and
+went to mass. I felt it a sort of degradation to have an Irish name, and
+to go there as a resident; but comforted myself by resolving never in
+one particular to give in to any Irish mode of living, speaking, or
+thinking, and to associate only with such as had been at least educated
+in England.
+
+The next day's rising sun shone upon Stratford-on-Avon; and here revived
+in some degree my Shakspearian mania, to the still higher exaltation of
+my English stilts, and the deeper debasement of all "rough Irish
+kernes." At Shrewsbury we parted with a kind old lady, who had shown me
+some good-natured attentions, and I was left with only an elderly
+gentleman, bound also for Dublin, who told me we must start at three
+o'clock the following morning for Holyhead. I was dreadfully dejected,
+and told him I hoped he would not think the worse of me for being so
+utterly alone, and that he would excuse my retiring to my own apartment
+the instant we had dined. He took pencil and paper, and with a glow of
+benevolent feeling expressed his anxious desire to take the same care of
+me that he would of his own daughter, and to look on me as his especial
+charge, until he should give me into the hands of my lawful protector. I
+thanked him with true English reserve, and a coldness that seemed rather
+to grate on his warm feelings; and having owned that his seeing my
+Newfoundland dog well fed and lodged would be a great obligation, I
+withdrew to fret alone over my exile to this foreign land. You may call
+this an exaggeration, but it is no such thing. I delight in dwelling
+upon my reluctant approach to the land that I was to love so fondly.
+
+Next day my miseries were alleviated by the enchanting beauties of the
+Welsh country through which we passed; and my regard for Mr. D----
+greatly increased by the compassionate care he took of a poor sickly
+woman and her ragged infant, whom he descried on the top of the coach,
+and first threw his large cloak to them, then, with my cordial assent,
+took them inside, and watched them most kindly until he fell asleep. I
+peeped into his kind, benevolent face, and inwardly confessed there
+might be some nice people in Ireland.
+
+At the inn where we dined, I made another acquaintance. A younger, but
+middle-aged man, whose vivacity, combined with Welch mutton and ale,
+quite raised my spirits. Hearing from Mr. D---- with what enthusiasm I
+had admired the scenery of Llangollen, he volunteered to hand me in at
+the coach window, a note of every remarkable place we should approach
+during the rest of the journey; adding, "I know the road pretty well,
+having traversed it at least twice a year for sixteen years, passing to
+and from my Irish home." He was a legal man, a finished gentleman, and
+another sad drawback on my perverse prejudices. Mr. F---- proved an
+excellent descriptive guide, punctually reaching to me from the roof of
+the coach his little memoranda, in time for me to take a survey of the
+object concerned; and also most assiduously aiding in the care of my
+luggage and dog when we were all put into the ferry-boat.
+
+There was then no bridge over the Menai, and I being in total ignorance
+of the route was not a little dismayed at the embarkation, forgetting
+that Holyhead was in Anglesea, and that Anglesea was an island. At
+last, when the boat pushed off, the opposite shore being hidden under
+the mist of deepening twilight, I addressed the ferryman in a tone of
+remonstrance that infinitely diverted the whole party, "Surely you are
+not going to take me over in this way to Ireland?"
+
+"No, no," said Mr. F----, "you shall have a good night's rest, and a
+better sea-boat, before we start for the dear green isle."
+
+Steamers were not then upon the packet station, and the wind being
+unfavorable, we had a passage of seventeen hours, not landing until two
+in the morning of Easter Sunday. Nothing could exceed my discomfort, as
+you may suppose, when I tell you that after paying my bill at Holyhead,
+I, in a fit of abstraction, deposited it very safely in my purse, and in
+its stead threw away my last bank-note. The mistake was not suspected
+until in mid-voyage I examined the state of my finances, and found the
+sum total to amount to one shilling. This was an awful discovery; my
+passage was paid, but how to reach Dublin was a mystery, and such was
+the untamed pride of my character that I would sooner have walked there
+than confessed to the fact, which might have been doubted, and laid
+myself under the obligation of a loan which I was sure of repaying in a
+few hours, even to good old Mr. D----. When I stepped from the deck of
+the packet upon the plank that rested against the pier of Howth I had
+not one single halfpenny in my pocket, and I experienced, without the
+slightest emotion, one of the most hairbreadth escapes of my life.
+
+The water was very low; the plank of course sloped greatly, and as soon
+as I set my foot on it began to slide down. In another second I should
+have been plunged between the vessel's side and the stone pier, without
+any human possibility of rescue; and already I had lost my balance, when
+a sailor, springing on the bulwarks, caught me round the knees, and at
+the same instant Mr. F----, throwing himself on the ground, seized and
+steadied the plant, until I recovered my footing and ran up. I shudder
+to recall the hardened indifference of my own spirit, while the kind,
+warm-hearted Irishmen were agitated with strong emotion, and all around
+me thanking God for my escape. Each of my friends thought I had landed
+under the care of the other; while one had my dog and the other my
+portmanteau. I received their fervent "cead-mille-failthe" with cold
+politeness, and trod with feelings of disgust on the dear little green
+shamrocks that I now prize so fondly.
+
+We went to the hotel, and Mr. D---- proposed my retiring to a chamber
+until the coach started; but my empty purse would not allow of that, so
+I said I preferred sitting where I was. Refreshments were ordered; but
+though in a state of ravenous hunger, I steadily refused to touch them,
+for I would not have allowed another person to pay for me, and was
+resolved to conceal my loss as long as I could. I was excused, on the
+presumption of a qualmishness resulting from the tossing of the ship;
+and most melancholy, most forlorn were the feelings with which I watched
+through the large window the fading moonbeams and the dawning day. To my
+unspeakable joy, the two gentlemen proposed taking a postchaise with me
+to Dublin, the expense being no more and the comfort much greater than
+going by coach; and having requested Mr. F---- to keep an exact account
+of my share in the charges, I took my seat beside them with a far
+lighter heart; my dog being on the footboard in front of the carriage.
+
+Away we drove, our horses being young, fresh, and in high condition. It
+was a glorious morning, and vainly did I strive not to admire the
+scenery, as one after another of the beautiful villas that adorn the
+Howth road gleamed out in the snowy whiteness that characterizes the
+houses there, generally embosomed in trees and surrounded by gardens on
+the rising grounds. We were descending the hilly road very rapidly, when
+by some means the horses took fright, and broke into a full-gallop,
+crossing and re-crossing the road in a fearful manner. The driver was
+thrown on the footboard, poor Tajo hung by his chain against the horses'
+legs, and our situation was most critical. I had suffered from one upset
+in America, and resolved not to encounter another; so quietly gathering
+my long riding-habit about me with one hand, and putting the other out
+at the window, I opened the door, and with one active spring flung
+myself out. You know the extreme peril, the almost certain destruction
+of such a leap from a carriage at full speed; I did not, or certainly I
+would not have taken it. However, at that very instant of time, the
+horses made a dead stop, and the chaise remained stationary only a few
+paces in advance of me.
+
+Was not the hand of God here? Oh, surely it was, in the most marked and
+wonderful manner. No cause could be assigned for the arrest of the
+animals; the driver had lost the reins, and no one was near. I had
+fallen flat on the road-side, just grazing my gloves with the gravel and
+getting a good mouthful of the soil, with which my face was brought into
+involuntary contact. In a moment I sprung to my feet, and blowing it
+out, exclaimed with a laugh, "Oh well, I suppose I am to love this
+country after all, for I have kissed it in spite of me." I then ran to
+help my dog out of his disagreeable state of suspension, and returned to
+my friends, who were frightened and angry too, and who refused to let me
+into the chaise unless I positively promised not to jump out any more.
+To shorten the tale, I reached the Hibernian hotel, where my husband
+was, seized some money, and paid my expenses without any one having
+discovered that I was a complete bankrupt up to that minute.
+
+I have been very prolix here; for I cannot overlook a single incident
+connected with this eventful journey. Never did any one less anticipate
+a blessing or look for happiness than I in visiting Ireland. I cannot
+enter into more particulars, because it would involve the names of
+friends who might not wish to figure in print; but if these pages ever
+meet the eyes of any who gave me the first day's welcome in Dublin, let
+them be assured that the remembrance of their tender kindness, the
+glowing warmth of their open hospitality, and their solicitude to make
+the poor stranger happy among them, broke through the ice of a heart
+that had frozen itself up in most unnatural reserve, and gave life to
+the first pulse that played within it of the love that soon pervaded its
+every vein--the love of dear, generous Ireland.
+
+My first journey into the interior was to the King's county, where I
+passed some weeks in a house most curiously situated, with an open
+prospect of ten miles pure bog in front of it. Being newly built,
+nothing had yet had time to grow; but its owner, one of the most
+delightful old gentlemen I ever met with, had spared no cost to render
+it commodious and handsome. He was a fine specimen of the hospitable
+Irish gentleman, and took great pleasure in bringing me acquainted with
+the customs of a people and the features of a place so new to me. Indeed
+it was my first introduction to what was really Irish, for Dublin is too
+much of a capital to afford many specimens of distinct nationality. On
+that great festival of the peasantry, St. John's eve, Mr. C---- resolved
+on giving his tenants and neighbors a treat that should also enlighten
+me on one of their most singular relics of paganism. It is the custom at
+sunset on that evening to kindle numerous immense fires throughout the
+country, built like our bonfires to a great height, the pile being
+composed of turf, bog-wood, and such other combustibles as they can
+gather. The turf yields a steady, substantial body of fire, the bog-wood
+a most brilliant flame; and the effect of these great beacons blazing on
+every hill, sending up volumes of smoke from every point of the horizon,
+is very remarkable. Ours was a magnificent one, being provided by the
+landlord as a compliment to his people, and was built on the lawn, as
+close beside the house as safety would admit. Early in the evening the
+peasants began to assemble, all habited in their best array, glowing
+with health, every countenance full of that sparkling animation and
+excess of enjoyment that characterizes the enthusiastic people of the
+land. I had never seen anything resembling it, and was exceedingly
+delighted with their handsome, intelligent, merry faces; the bold
+bearing of the men, and the playful but really modest deportment of the
+maidens; the vivacity of the aged people, and the wild glee of the
+children. The fire being kindled, a splendid blaze shot up, and for a
+while they stood contemplating it, with faces strangely disfigured by
+the peculiar light first emitted when bog-wood is thrown on; after a
+short pause, the ground was cleared in front of an old blind piper, the
+very beau ideal of energy, drollery, and shrewdness, who, seated on a
+low chair, with a well-replenished jug within his reach, screwed his
+pipes to the liveliest tunes, and the endless jig began.
+
+An Irish jig is interminable, so long as the party holds together; for
+when one of the dancers becomes fatigued, a fresh individual is ready to
+step into the vacated place quick as thought, so that the other does not
+pause, until in like manner obliged to give place to a successor. They
+continue footing it, and setting to one another, occasionally moving in
+a figure, and changing places with extraordinary rapidity, spirit, and
+grace. Few indeed among even the very lowest of the most impoverished
+class have grown into youth without obtaining some lessons in dancing
+from the travelling dancing-masters of their district; and certainly, in
+the way they use it, many would be disposed to grant a dispensation to
+the young peasant, which they would withhold from the young peer. It is,
+however, sadly abused among them, to Sabbath-breakings, revellings, and
+the most immoral scenes, where they are congregated and kept together
+under its influence; and the same scene enacted a year afterwards would
+have awoke in my mind very different feelings from those with which I
+regarded this first spectacle of Irish hilarity, when I could hardly be
+restrained by the laughing remonstrances of "the quality" from throwing
+myself into the midst of the joyous group and dancing with them.
+
+But something was to follow that puzzled me not a little; when the fire
+had burned for some hours and got low, an indispensable part of the
+ceremony commenced. Every one present of the peasantry passed through
+it, and several children were thrown across the sparkling embers; while
+a wooden frame of some eight feet long, with a horse's head fixed to one
+end and a large white sheet thrown over it, concealing the wood and the
+man on whose head it was carried, made its appearance. This was greeted
+with load shouts as the "white horse;" and having been safely carried by
+the skill of its bearer several times through the fire with a bold leap,
+it pursued the people, who ran screaming and laughing in every
+direction. I asked what the horse was meant for, and was told it
+represented all cattle. Here was the old pagan worship of Baal, if not
+of Moloch too, carried on openly and universally in the heart of a
+nominally Christian country, and by millions professing the Christian
+name. I was confounded, for I did not then know that Popery is only a
+crafty adaptation of pagan idolatries to its own scheme; and while I
+looked upon the now wildly excited people with their children, and in a
+figure all their cattle, passing again and again through the fire, I
+almost questioned in my own mind the lawfulness of the spectacle,
+considered in the light that the Bible must, even to the natural heart,
+exhibit it in to those who confess the true God. There was no one to
+whom I could breathe such thoughts, and they soon faded from my mind:
+not so the impression made on it by this fair specimen of a population
+whom I had long classed with the savage inhabitants of barbarous lands,
+picturing them to myself as dark, ferocious, discontented, and
+malignant. That such was the reverse of their natural character I now
+began to feel convinced; and from that evening my heart gradually warmed
+towards a race whom I found to be frank, warm, and affectionate, beyond
+any I had ever met with.
+
+My interest in them, however, was soon to be placed on another and a
+firmer basis. I took up my permanent abode in a neighboring county; and
+within six months after that celebration of St. John's eve, I
+experienced the mighty power of God in a way truly marvellous. Great and
+marvellous are _all_ his works, in creating, in sustaining, in
+governing this world of wonderful creatures; but Oh, how surpassingly
+marvellous and great in redeeming lost sinners, in taking away the heart
+of stone and giving a heart of flesh, and making his people willing in
+the day of his power! I have carefully abstained from any particulars
+respecting myself that could either cast a reproach on the dead or give
+pain to the living; I shall do so still, and merely remark, that as far
+as this world was concerned, my lot had no happiness mingled in it, and
+that my only solace under many grievous trials consisted in two things:
+one was a careful concealment of whatever might subject my proud spirit
+to the mortification of being pitied when I desired rather to be envied;
+and the other a confident assurance, that in suffering afflictions
+silently, unresistingly, and uncomplainingly, I was making God my debtor
+to a large amount. What desperate wickedness of a deceived and deceitful
+heart was this! The very thing in which I so arrogantly vaunted myself
+before God was the direct result of personal pride, in itself a great
+sin; and thus I truly gloried in my shame. I never looked beyond the rod
+to Him who had appointed it; but satisfying myself that I had not
+merited from man any severity, my demerits at the hand of the Most High
+were wholly put out of the calculation. Thus, of course, every stroke
+drove me further from the only Rock of refuge, and deeper into the
+fastness of my own vain conceits. Added to this, I was wholly shut out
+from all the ordinary means by which the Lord usually calls sinners to
+himself. There was no gospel ministry then within my reach; nor could I,
+if it were provided, have profited by it, owing to my infirmity,
+(deafness.) Into Christian society I had never entered, nor had the
+least glimmer of spiritual light shone into my mind. My religion was
+that of the Pharisee, and my addresses to God included, like his, an
+acknowledgment that it was by divine favor I was so much better than my
+neighbors. Reality had so far chased away romance, that my old favorite
+authors had little power to charm me; and the hollowness of my affected
+gayety and ease made society a very sickening thing. * * *
+
+At the time I am now to speak of, I was living in perfect seclusion, and
+uninterrupted solitude. Captain ---- was always in Dublin, and my chief
+occupation was in hunting out, and transcribing and arranging matter for
+the professional gentlemen conducting the lawsuit, from a mass of
+confused family papers and documents. Our property consisted of a large
+number of poor cabins with their adjoining land, forming a complete
+street on the outskirts of the town, which was greatly in arrear to the
+head landlords, and a periodical "distress" took place. On these
+occasions a keeper was set over the property, some legal papers were
+served, and the household goods--consisting of iron kettles, wooden
+stools, broken tables, a ragged blanket or two, and the little store of
+potatoes, the sole support of the wretched inhabitants--were brought
+out, piled in a long row down the street, and "canted," that is, put up
+to sale, for the payment of perhaps one or two per cent. of the arrears.
+This horrified me beyond measure: I was ashamed to be seen among the
+people who were called our tenants, though this proceeding did not
+emanate from their immediate landlord; and every thing combined to
+render the seclusion of my own garden more congenial to me than any
+wider range.
+
+It was then that I came to the resolution of being a perfect devotee in
+religion: I thought myself marvellously good; but something of monastic
+mania seized me. I determined to emulate the recluses of whom I had
+often read; to become a sort of Protestant nun; and to fancy my garden,
+with its high stone-walls and little thicket of apple-trees, a convent
+enclosure. I also settled it with myself to pray three or four times
+every day, instead of twice; and with great alacrity entered upon this
+new routine of devotion.
+
+Here God met and arrested me. When I kneeled down to pray, the strangest
+alarms took hold of my mind. He to whom I had been accustomed to prate
+with flippant volubility in a set form of heartless words, seemed to my
+startled mind so exceedingly terrible in unapproachable majesty, and so
+very angry with me in particular, that I became paralyzed with fear. I
+strove against this with characteristic pertinacity; I called to mind
+all the commonplace assurances respecting the sufficiency of a good
+intention, and magnified alike my doings and my sufferings. I persuaded
+myself it was only a holy awe, the effect of distinguished piety and
+rare humility, and that I was really an object of the divine complacency
+in no ordinary degree. Again I essayed to pray, but in vain; I dared
+not. Then I attributed it to a nervous state of feeling that would wear
+away by a little abstraction from the subject; but this would not do. To
+leave off praying was impossible, yet to pray seemed equally so. I well
+remember that the character in which I chiefly viewed the Lord God was
+that of an Avenger, going forth to smite the first-born of Egypt; and I
+somehow identified myself with the condemned number. Often, after
+kneeling a long time, I have laid my face upon my arms, and wept most
+bitterly, because I could not, dared not pray.
+
+It was not in my nature to be driven back easily from any path I had
+entered on; and here the Lord wrought on me to persevere resolutely. I
+began to examine myself, in order to discover _why_ I was afraid;
+and taking as my rule the ten commandments, I found myself sadly
+deficient on some points. The tenth affected me as it never had done
+before. "I had not known lust," because I had not understood the law
+when it said, "Thou shalt not covet." A casual glance at the declaration
+of St. James, "Whosoever shall keep the whole law, yet offend in one
+point, he is guilty of all," alarmed me exceedingly; and on a sudden it
+occurred to me that not only the ten commandments, but all the precepts
+of the New Testament, were binding on a Christian; and I trembled more
+than ever.
+
+What was to be done? To reform myself, certainly, and become obedient to
+the whole law. Accordingly I went to work, transcribed all the commands
+that I felt myself most in the habit of neglecting, and pinned up a
+dozen or two texts around my room. It required no small effort to enter
+this apartment and walk round it, reading my mementos. That active
+schoolmaster, the law, had got me fairly under his rod, and dreadful
+were the writhings of the convicted culprit, I soon, however, took down
+my texts, fearing lest some one else might see them, and not knowing
+they were for myself, be exasperated. I then made a little hook, wrote
+down a list of offences, and commenced making a dot over against each,
+whenever I detected myself in the commission of one. I had become very
+watchful over my thoughts, and was honest in recording all evil; so my
+book became a mass of black dots; and the reflection that occurred to me
+of omissions being sins too, completed the panic of my mind. I flung
+away my book into the fire, and myself into an abyss of gloomy despair.
+
+How long this miserable state of mind lasted, I do not exactly remember;
+I think about two weeks. I could not pray. I dared not read the Bible,
+it bore so very hard upon me. Outwardly, I was calm and even cheerful,
+but within reigned the very blackness of darkness. Death, with which I
+had so often sported, appeared in my eyes so terrible, that the
+slightest feeling of illness filled my soul with dismay. I saw no way of
+escape: I had God's perfect law before my eyes, and a full conviction of
+my own past sinfulness and present helplessness, leaving me wholly
+without hope. Hitherto I had never known a day's illness for years; one
+of God's rich mercies to me consisted in uninterrupted health, and a
+wonderful freedom from all nervous affections. I knew almost as little
+of the sensation of a headache as I did of that of tight-lacing; and now
+a violent cold, with sore throat, aggravated into fever by the state of
+my mind, completely prostrated me. I laid myself down on the sofa one
+morning and waited to see how my earthly miseries would terminate; too
+well knowing what must follow the close of a sinner's life.
+
+I had not lain long, when a neighbor hearing I was ill, sent me some
+books just received from Dublin, as a loan, hoping I might find some
+amusement in them. Listlessly, wretchedly, mechanically, I opened one;
+it was the memoir of a departed son, written by his father. I read a
+page describing the approach of death, and was arrested by the youth's
+expressions of self-condemnation, his humble acknowledgment of having
+deserved at the Lord's hand nothing but eternal death. "Ah, poor
+fellow," said I, "he was like me. How dreadful his end must have been; I
+will see what he said at last, when on the very brink of the bottomless
+pit." I resumed the book, and found him in continuation glorifying God
+that though _he_ was so guilty and so vile, there was ONE able to
+save to the uttermost, who had borne his sins, satisfied divine justice
+for him, opened the gates of heaven, and now waited to receive his
+ransomed soul.
+
+The book dropped from my hands. "O, what is this? This is what I want:
+this would save me. Who did this for him? Jesus Christ, certainly; and
+it must be written in the New Testament." I tried to jump up and reach my
+Bible, but was overpowered by the emotion of my mind. I clasped my hands
+over my eyes, and then the blessed effects of having even a literal
+knowledge of scripture were apparent. Memory brought before me, as the
+Holy Spirit directed it, not here and there a detached text, but whole
+chapters, as they had long been committed to its safe but hitherto
+unprofitable keeping. The veil was removed from my heart, and Jesus
+Christ, as the Alpha and Omega, the sum and substance of every thing,
+shone out upon me just as he is set forth in the everlasting gospel. It
+was the same as if I had been reading, because I knew it so well by
+rote, only much more rapid, as thought always is. In this there was
+nothing uncommon; but in the _opening of the understanding, that I
+might_ UNDERSTAND _the scriptures_, was the mighty miracle of
+grace and truth. There I lay, still as death, my hands still folded over
+nay eyes, my very soul basking in the pure, calm, holy light, that
+streamed into it through the appointed channel of God's word. Rapture
+was not what I felt; excitement, enthusiasm, agitation, there was none.
+I was like a person long enclosed in a dark dungeon, the walls of which
+had now fallen down, and I looked round on a sunny landscape of calm and
+glorious beauty. I well remember that the Lord Jesus, in the character
+of a shepherd, of a star, and above all, as the pearl of great price,
+seemed revealed to me most beautifully: that he could save every body I
+at once saw; that he would save me, never even took the form of a
+question. Those who have received the gospel by man's preaching may
+doubt and cavil; I took it simply from the Bible, in the words that
+God's wisdom teacheth, and thus I argued: "Jesus Christ came into the
+world to save sinners: I am a sinner; I want to be saved: he will save
+me." There is no presumption in taking God at his word: not to do so is
+very impertinent: I did it, and I was happy.
+
+After some time I rose from the sofa, and walked about. My feelings were
+delicious. I had found HIM of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets
+did write; I had found the very Paschal Lamb whose blood would be my
+safeguard from the destroying angel. Oh, how delicious was that
+particular thought to me. It was one of the first that occurred, and I
+laughed with gladness. Indeed my feeling was very joyous, and I only
+wanted somebody to tell it to. I had two servants, one a young woman,
+the other a little girl, both papists, both loving me with Irish warmth.
+They were delighted to see me so well and happy on a sudden; and in the
+evening I bade them come to my room, for I was going to read a beautiful
+book, and would read it aloud. I began the gospel of St. Matthew, and
+read nine chapters to them, their wonder and delight increasing my joy.
+Whenever I proposed leaving off, they begged for more; and only for my
+poor throat, I think we should have gone on till day. I prayed with
+them, and what a night's rest I had! Sleep so sweet, a waking so happy,
+and a joy so unclouded through the day, what but the gospel could
+bestow? Few, very few, have been so left alone as I was with the
+infallible teaching of God the Holy Ghost by means of the written word,
+for many weeks, and so to get a thorough knowledge of the great
+doctrines of salvation, unclouded by man's vain wisdom. I knew not that
+in the world there were any who had made the same discovery with myself.
+Of all schemes of doctrine I was wholly ignorant, and the only system of
+theology open to me was God's own. All the faculties of my mind were
+roused and brightened for the work. I prayed, without ceasing, for
+divine instruction; and took, without cavilling, what was vouchsafed. On
+this subject I must enter more largely, for it is one of immense
+importance.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER VI.
+
+RELIGIOUS PROGRESS.
+
+
+I am standing before you now in the character of one who, having been
+brought under conviction of sin into utter self-despair, had found in
+Christ Jesus a refuge from the storm of God's anger. I felt myself safe
+in him; but as the revelation which God had made to man was not confined
+to the sole point of a _satisfaction_ for the sins of men, I felt
+it my bounden duty to search for all that the Most High had seen good to
+acquaint his people with. At the same time I found myself a member of a
+church calling itself Christian; but I too had called myself a
+Christian, while as yet wholly ignorant of Christ, therefore I could not
+depend upon a name. I knew that there were other churches, each putting
+in a claim to a higher and purer standard than its neighbors, and it
+behooved me to know which of them all was in the right, I had no books
+of a religious character--not one; no clergyman among my acquaintance,
+no means of inquiry, save as regarded my own church, whose Liturgy and
+Articles lay before me. I resolved to bring them first to the test of
+scripture, and if they failed, to look out for a better.
+
+How I commenced the work and pursued it, I need not state. I tried every
+thing, as well as I could, by the Bible; and my satisfaction was great
+to find the purest, clearest strain of evangelical truth breathing
+through the book which I had used all my life long, as I did the Bible,
+without entering into its real meaning. How I could possibly escape
+seeing the doctrines of faith, regeneration, and the rest of God's
+revelation in them both, was strange to me; but I understood that the
+natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God, and mourned
+over the darkness that I supposed universal.
+
+I found it distinctly stated by our Lord, that "except a man be _born
+again_, he cannot see the kingdom of God;" and this served as a key
+to many passages in the epistles and other parts of scripture
+illustrative of the same solemn truth. I had never understood, never
+thought of this. Did my church hold it? Yes; it was not only laid down
+as a fundamental doctrine in her Articles, but constantly put into the
+mouths of her congregation, either expressed or clearly implied. Again,
+I found that _not by works but by faith_ I was to be justified
+before God; and this also ran through the prayer-book, with unvarying
+distinctness; though with that book in my hand and its contents on my
+lips I had been hitherto attempting to scale heaven by a ladder of my
+own forming.
+
+
+      *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Athanasian creed brought to my recollection a circumstance that had
+occurred a few years before, the importance of which had never been
+known to me until I was brought acquainted with the saving truths of the
+gospel. I now looked back upon it with trembling joy and gratitude to
+him who had preserved me from a snare into which the pride of intellect,
+joined to spiritual ignorance, would have been sure to lead me, but for
+the watchful care of my heavenly Father, still working by means of my
+blind but sincere reverence for his word. In my native town, Socinianism
+flourished to a fearful extent; it has long been a very hotbed of that
+fatal heresy, the holders of which are found among many leading
+characters of wealth, influence, and high attainments. I knew no more of
+it than that it was one of the many forms of dissent with which I had
+nothing to do. I was acquainted with several of its disciples; but as
+religion formed no part of our social intercourse, its peculiarities
+were wholly unknown to me.
+
+Not long before my trip to America I had been staying in Norwich, in the
+same house with a most clever, intelligent, and amiable woman, of whom I
+was very fond. I knew her to be a dissenter, and that was all. One
+evening she drew me into a conversation, the commencement of which I
+forget, but it soon arrived at a denial, on her part, of the Godhead of
+Christ, which exceedingly astonished me, for I never supposed that could
+be called in question. I ran for the Bible, saying, I would soon show
+her it was not to be disputed; and she in return asserted that I could
+not prove it out of the _inspired scriptures_. After pondering for
+a while, I recollected the first chapter of Revelation, which, for its
+sublimity, I ranked among the highest of my poetical gems, and that it
+unequivocally proclaimed the divinity of our glorious Lord. I opened at
+it, on which she burst into a laugh, saying, "You are not so weak as to
+fancy that book of riddles any part of God's word!" "Why it is in the
+Bible, you see," replied I, half indignantly. "And who put it there?
+Come, you are a person of too much sense to believe that the binding up
+of certain leaves between the two covers of the Bible makes them a part
+of it. You must exercise the reason that God has given you, and in so
+doing you will discover so many interpolations and deceptions in that
+version of yours, that you will be glad to find a more accurate one."
+
+She continued in the same strain for some time. I was greatly agitated;
+I closed the great Bible, and leaning on it with folded arms, my heart
+beating violently against the bright red cover, I gave heed to all she
+said. My love of novelty, passion for investigation, and the
+metaphysical turn that had sometimes made my father quite uneasy about
+me, when he saw me at eight years old poring over abstruse reasonings
+with the zest of an old philosopher, were all in her favor. I felt as if
+the foundation of my faith was giving way, and I was being launched on a
+sea of strange uncertainty. When she concluded, I laid my forehead on
+the book in most deep and anxious thought. I did not pray: God was found
+of one who sought him not, for surely he alone dictated my answer. I
+started up, and with the greatest vivacity said, "Mrs. ----, if you can
+persuade me that the book of Revelation is not inspired, another person
+may do the same with regard to the book of Genesis, and so of all that
+lie between them, till the whole Bible is taken away from me. That will
+never do; I cannot part with my dear Bible. I believe it all, every word
+of it, and I am sure I should be miserable if I did not." Then, kissing
+the precious volume with the affection one feels for what is in danger
+of being lost to us, I carried it back to its shelf, and declined any
+further discussion on the subject. She told some one else she was sure
+of having me yet; but the good providence of God interposed to remove me
+from the scene of danger.
+
+That metaphysical turn I omitted to mention among my early snares; my
+father checked it, although it was a great hobby of his own. He had seen
+its fearful abuse in the origin of the French revolution, and regarded
+it as one of the evil spirits of the age. I recollect the mixture of
+mirth and vexation depicted in his face one morning, when on his
+remarking that I did not look well and inquiring if any thing ailed me,
+I replied, "No, but I could not get any sleep."
+
+"What prevented your sleeping?"
+
+"I was thinking, papa, of '_Cogito, ergo sum_'--'I think,
+therefore I exist'--and I lay awake, trying to find out all about it."
+
+"'_Cogito, ergo sum!'_" repeated my father, laughing and frowning
+at the same time; "what will you be at twenty, if you dabble in
+metaphysics before you are ten? Come, I must set you to study Euclid;
+that will sober your wild head a little." I took the book with great
+glee, delighted to have a new field of inquiry, but soon threw it aside.
+Mathematics and I could never agree. Speculative and imaginative in an
+extraordinary degree, carrying much sail with scarcely any ballast, what
+but the ever watchful care of Him who sitteth upon the circle of the
+earth could have preserved from fatal wrecking a vessel so frail, while
+yet without pilot, helm, or chart?
+
+It was the recollection of my short encounter with the Socinian that
+satisfied me respecting the Athanasian creed. I felt that had I taken up
+its bold assertions and established every one of them, as now I did, by
+scripture, no sophistry could have staggered my faith, though it had
+been but a reasoning, not a saving faith, in that high doctrine of the
+coexistent, coequal Trinity. I did not then know--for of all church
+history I was ignorant--that its original object was not so much to
+establish a truth, as to detect and defeat a falsehood. The damnatory
+clauses, as they are called, did not startle me. I saw clearly the fact
+that God had made a revelation of himself to man, which revelation man
+was not at liberty to receive or to reject, and as without faith it is
+impossible to please God, and that alone is faith which implicitly
+believes the record that he hath given of his Son, the deductions in
+question were perfectly fair and orthodox. I frequently wondered, when
+subsequently brought into the arena of various controversies, at the
+ease with which, aided by the Bible alone, I settled so many disputed
+points; and as it really was by the Bible I settled them, man's teaching
+has never yet on any subject altered my views. * * *
+
+Whether it be regarded as presumptuous or not, I must thankfully avow
+that during the weeks when I was left alone with my Bible, I obtained a
+view of the whole scheme of redemption and God's dealings with man,
+which to this hour I have never found reason to alter in any one
+respect, save as greater light has continually broken in on each branch
+of the subject, strengthening, not changing those views. You will see in
+the progress of my sketch, how complete a bulwark against error in
+numberless shapes I have found in this simple adherence to the plain
+word of truth--this habit of bringing every proposition "to the law and
+to the testimony;" fully persuaded that "if they speak not according to
+this word, it is because there is no light in them."
+
+I now proceed to an interesting epoch in my life: the commencement of my
+literary labors in the Lord's cause. It marks very strongly the
+overruling hand of Him who was working all things after the counsel of
+his own will; and I will give it you without curtailment, together with
+my introduction, through it to the Christian community of the land.
+
+My life, as I told you, was solitary and retired; my time chiefly passed
+in writing out documentary matters for the lawyers. The circumstance of
+my using the pen so incessantly became known, and I was looked on as a
+literary recluse. One day a lady personally unknown to me, but whose
+indefatigable zeal was always seeking the good of others, sent me a
+parcel of tracts. With equal wonder and delight I opened one of them, a
+simple, spiritual little production; and the next that I took up was an
+inducement to distribute tracts among the poor. From this I learned that
+some excellent people were engaged in a work quite new to me; and, with
+a sigh, I wished I had the means of contributing to their funds.
+Presently the thought flashed upon me, "Since I cannot give them money,
+may I not write something to be useful in the same way?" I had just then
+no work before me, and a long winter evening at command. I ordered large
+candles, told the servants not to interrupt me, and sat down to my novel
+task. I began about seven o'clock, and wrote till three in the morning;
+when I found I had produced a complete little story, in the progress of
+which I had been enabled so to set forth the truth as it is in Jesus,
+that on reading it over I was amazed at the statement I had made of
+scriptural truth, and sunk on my knees in thankfulness to God. Next
+morning I awoke full of joy, but much puzzled as to what I should do
+with my tract. At length, in the simplicity of my heart, I resolved to
+send it to the bishop of Norwich, and busied myself at the breakfast-
+table in computing how many franks it would fill. While thus employed, a
+note was put into my hands from Miss D----, apologizing for the liberty
+taken, saying she had sent me, the day before, some tracts, and as she
+heard I was much occupied with the pen, it had occurred to her that I
+might be led to write something myself; in the possibility of which she
+now enclosed the address of the secretary to the Dublin Tract Society,
+to whom such aid would be most welcome.
+
+I was absolutely awe-struck by this very striking incident. I saw in it
+a gracious acceptance of my freewill offering at His hands to whom it
+had been prayerfully dedicated; and in two hours the manuscript was on
+its way to Dublin, with a very simple letter to the secretary. A cordial
+answer, commendatory of my tract and earnestly entreating a continuance
+of such aid, soon reached me, with some remarks and questions that
+required a fuller communication of my circumstances and feelings. He had
+recommended frequent intercourse with the peasantry, of whose habits and
+modes of expression I was evidently ignorant, and I then mentioned my
+loss of hearing as a bar to this branch of usefulness, His rejoinder was
+the overflowing of a truly Christian heart, very much touched by an
+artless account of the Lord's dealings with me; and greatly did my
+spirit rejoice at having found a brother in the faith thus to cheer and
+strengthen me.
+
+But alas, a few days afterwards, Miss D----, whom I had still never
+seen, wrote to apprize me that this excellent man had ruptured a blood-
+vessel and was dying. Still he did not forget me, but after lingering
+for some weeks, on his death-bed commended me to the friendship of his
+brother, who from that period proved a true and valuable helper to me.
+
+Meanwhile I was beginning to take a view of popery, under the light of
+the gospel. As yet, I knew nothing of it spiritually; and my retired
+life kept me from observing how it worked among the poor people around.
+My attention was first directed to it by a conversation with the younger
+of my two servants; she slept in my apartment, and I remarked that while
+kneeling at her devotions she not only uttered them with amazing
+rapidity, but carried on all the while the operation of undressing, with
+perfect inattention to what she was saying. I asked her the purport of
+her prayers; she told me she said the "Our Father," and then the "Hail
+Mary:" at my request she repeated the latter, and I gave her a gentle
+lecture on the irreverence of chattering to God so volubly, and of
+employing herself about her clothes at the same time; adding that she
+should be devout, deliberate, and quiet while speaking to God; but as
+for the Virgin Mary it was no matter how she addressed her, if address
+her she would, for being only a dead woman she could know nothing about
+it. This, I am ashamed to say, was the extent of my actual protest at
+that time. The girl took it all very readily, and ever after, during her
+address to God, she knelt with her hands joined, repeating the words
+slowly and seriously; but the moment she commenced the "Hail Mary," to
+make up for lost time she prattled it so rapidly, and tore open the
+fastenings of her dress with such bustling speed, that I could scarcely
+refrain from laughing. A little reflection, however, convinced me it was
+an act of idolatry, and no laughing matter; and from that time I
+inquired as deeply as I could into their faith and practice; constantly
+showing them from the scriptures how contrary their religion was to that
+of the gospel. Still it was but a very partial and superficial view that
+I could as yet obtain of the great mystery of iniquity through these
+ignorant and thoughtless girls; and to this must be attributed my sad
+failure in not warning them more distinctly to come out of Babylon. I
+rather tried to patch up the old, decayed, tattered garment with the new
+piece of the gospel, as many more have done; and so made the rent worse,
+instead of replacing the vile article with one of God's providing.
+
+
+      *       *       *       *       *
+
+When that excellent man, Mr. D----, was committed to the grave, his
+younger brother visited me on his way back to Dublin. That interview I
+shall never forget; he talked to me out of the overflowings of a heart
+devoted to Christ, and left me pining for more extended enjoyment of
+Christian society. I was not long ungratified; within three days an
+unexpected summons took me to Dublin, and on the very evening of my
+arrival Mr. D---- introduced me to a party of about thirty pious
+friends, assembled to meet a missionary just returned from Russia.
+Remember these were the frank, unrestrained, warmhearted Irish, of all
+people the most ready at expressing their zealous and generous feelings;
+and imagine, if you can, my enjoyment, after such a long season of
+comparative loneliness, when they came about me with the affectionate
+welcome that none can utter and look so eloquently as they can. I
+thought it a foretaste of heavenly blessedness; and yet I often longed
+for those seasons when I had none but my God to commune with, and poured
+out to him all that now I found it delightful to utter to my fellow-
+creatures. Then, my tabernacle was indeed pitched in the wilderness, and
+the candle of the Lord shone brightly upon it; now, the blending of many
+inferior lights distracted my mind from its one object of contemplation,
+and broke the harmony that was so sweet in its singleness.
+
+A few months after this, the lawsuit being ended, my husband was ordered
+abroad. I declined to cross the Atlantic a second time, and from this
+period I became chiefly dependent on my own exertions. My mother had
+joined me in Ireland, having been made a partaker in the like precious
+faith and hope with myself. * * *
+
+
+
+
+LETTER VII.
+
+KILKENNY.
+
+
+We took up our abode in the town of Kilkenny, so richly blessed with
+gospel privileges, and so far removed from the annoyances to which I was
+exposed while trying to fulfil the landlord's part over a property
+inextricably involved, and now also placed in the hands of trustees. I
+had sought the maintenance of that character for the sake of the poor
+tenants, whose affection, for me was very great, and among whom I had of
+late been frequently allowed to read the scriptures. The necessity,
+however, of providing for myself, and the hopeless perplexities of my
+nominal office, between head-landlords, under-tenants, trustees, a
+receiver, and all the endless machinery of an embarrassed little Irish
+estate, compelled me to seek a more quiet sphere; and in Kilkenny I
+found all that could combine to encourage me in the pursuit of honest
+independence in the way of usefulness. I finished "Osric," which formed
+a good-sized volume, and commenced the pleasant task of writing penny
+and twopenny books for the Dublin Tract Society, who paid me liberally,
+and cheered me on my path with all the warmth of Christian affection. It
+was indeed a delightful task, and God had raised up to me also a friend
+to whose truly paternal kindness I owe more than ever can be told, Mr.
+George Sandford, now Lord Mountsandford, who, from our first
+acquaintance, entered with a father's interest into all that concerned
+me. Thus encouraged, I held on my way, and tasted the sweets that I hope
+to enjoy to the end of my days--those of the original curse brightened
+by the irreversible blessing: "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat
+bread;" "Be ye steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the
+Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labor shall not be in vain in the
+Lord."
+
+I have already told you my escape from the snare of Socinianism; and now
+I am to narrate a trial of faith and doctrine which by the mercy of God
+produced effects just the reverse of what was intended. This was no less
+than a vigorous attempt to convert me to Popery. I had not yet bestowed
+any great attention on the details of that abominable device, but was
+most fully persuaded of its being a system of idolatrous delusion, the
+working of which was strikingly manifested in the wretchedness, the
+immorality, the turbulence and degrading superstitions of the poor
+creatures around me. It never had been my practice to tamper with or to
+compromise what I knew to be wrong; therefore I had not suffered
+curiosity to lead me within the walls of a mass-house, nor in any way to
+put on the semblance of an agreement which cannot really exist between
+the temple of God and idols. I believed Popery to be the Babylon of the
+Apocalypse, and I longed for resolution to proclaim to the deluded
+victims, "Come out of her, my people," This I had never done, but on the
+contrary fell cheerfully in with the then cautious policy of my friends,
+and so framed my little books and tracts as to leave it doubtful whether
+they were written by a Protestant or not. Paul to the Jews became as a
+Jew, that he might gain the Jews: I, by a false process of reason,
+thought it allowable to become as an idolater to the idolaters, that I
+might gain the idolaters. An awful, presumptuous sin! The Jew possesses
+the fair blossom of gospel truth, which by kindly fostering is to be
+expanded and ripened into the rich fruit: the Papist holds in his hand
+an apple of Sodom, beneath the painted rind of which is a mass of ashes
+and corruption. He must be induced to fling it away, and to pluck from
+the tree of life a wholly different thing.
+
+My Protestant principles, such as they were, withheld me from visiting
+the convent which formed a principal attraction to the military and
+other strangers in Kilkenny. Many sought to draw me thither, adducing
+the examples of Christian ministers and other spiritual people, who did
+not scruple to go; but in vain. At length a lady came to me with an
+earnest request from "the most interesting nun in the establishment," to
+give her some information on the best mode of conveying instruction to a
+poor little girl in their school, deaf and dumb. Here was a call of
+duty: I knew it could not be effectually done unless in person; and to
+the surprise of my friend, I volunteered to accompany her to the
+convent.
+
+The nun was indeed a most engaging young lady; in personal appearance,
+in manner, in feeling, realizing the visions of my girlish romance, when
+reading idle stories in novels on such topics. She had, moreover, all
+the animated warmth of a genuine Irishwoman, and her fine countenance
+beaming with benevolent joy at our successful beginning, and with
+affectionate gratitude for my services, quite won my heart. I promised
+to repeat the visit shortly, and on doing so accompanied her to walk
+round the garden, at the other extremity of which stood a building which
+I took for their school, and unhesitatingly mounted the stairs with my
+sweet conductor. Judge what was my dismay when, on passing the folding
+doors, I found myself in a splendid Popish chapel, opposite the altar,
+over which shone a richly gilt cross, while my poor nun was prostrated
+in the lowliest adoration, touching the ground with her forehead before
+the senseless idol. I was confounded, and unable to say any thing; but
+after a hasty glance at the fine trappings, left the place secretly
+praying for grace and strength to protest openly against the abomination
+from which my soul revolted with unspeakable horror from the moment of
+my witnessing the act of idolatrous homage rendered to a thing of wood
+and stone. On leaving the convent, I met a person who informed me that
+my poor nun was a Protestant lady of high respectability, sprung from
+one of those iniquitous mixed marriages, her mother belonging to the
+established church, her father a Romanist, who, however, honestly
+adhered to the terms of the wicked covenant by which the sons were to be
+educated in his, the daughters in her persuasion. A family of daughters
+were born to them, who, with their mother, continued nominally
+Protestant; but after his death, when the house was filled with Romish
+priests, performing for a week together their mummeries over the corpse,
+these poor females had become a prey to the subtle perversions of the
+ecclesiastics, and had openly apostatized, all save my new friend, who
+with a better informed mind and more scriptural knowledge withstood
+their sophistries, until sundry mock miracles performed by means of
+saintly relics and a well-contrived nocturnal visitation from the ghost
+of her father whom she fondly loved, had so unnerved and frightened her
+that she too fell a prey to the delusion. They ended by admitting her
+into the sisterhood of this convent, excusing the payment of the large
+sum usually demanded; and as her darkness was now great in proportion to
+the measure of light against which she had sinned, they found her a
+valuable decoy-bird to draw others into the snare. I did not learn all
+these particulars at the time, nor until after her decease, when I met
+with a near family connection of hers who told them to me. I simply
+gleaned the fact of her apostasy, with that of her abounding zeal in the
+antichristian cause.
+
+With all my heart I loved the gentle, affectionate, elegant nun, and
+earnestly did I pray for help in bringing her back, as I was resolved to
+do, from the path of destruction; and while I deliberated on the best
+means of commencing the work, the difficulty was removed by her openly
+attempting to convert me. To this end she urged on me a strict inquiry
+into the real doctrines and tenets of her church, for myself and by
+myself, promising to lend me books of the most candid character, if I
+would engage to read them. I agreed, stipulating that I was freely to
+write out my remarks on them for her consideration; and with this mutual
+understanding, I brought home from the convent as a loan Dr. Milner's
+"End of Controversy," furnished for my especial benefit by a seminary of
+Jesuit priests, located near the town: and thus was I become the object
+of a combined attack from the forces of great Babylon.
+
+True to what I considered a tacit engagement to study the matter alone,
+I read the book. Never shall I forget the effect it produced on me. I
+seemed to be holding communion with Satan himself, robed as an angel of
+light, the transparent drapery revealing his hideous form but baffling
+my endeavors to rend it away. Such sophistry, such impudence of
+unsupported assertion, such distortion of truth and gilding of gross
+falsehood, I never met with. I tried in vain to find an answer to things
+that I saw and felt to be antiscriptural and destructive; but this "End"
+was the beginning of my controversy, for I was wholly new to it, and
+ignorant of the historical and other facts necessary to disprove the
+reverend author's bold assumptions. At last I burst into tears, and
+kneeling down, exclaimed, "O Lord, I cannot unravel this web of
+iniquity: enable me to cut it in twain." I was answered; for after a
+little more thought, a broad view of the whole scheme of man's salvation
+as revealed in the holy Scriptures appeared to me the best antidote for
+this insidious poison. I read through the New Testament with increased
+enjoyment, and casting from me the wretched fabric of lies, with all its
+flimsy pretences, I resolved, instead of attempting a reply to what I
+saw to be falsehood, to set forth a plain statement of what I knew to be
+truth. Indeed it is indescribable how disgusting the painted face, the
+gaudy trappings, and the arrogant assumptions of the great harlot
+appeared in my eyes, when thus contrasted with the sublime simplicity,
+purity, and modesty of the chaste spouse of Christ.
+
+I wrote; and in reply got another and a smaller book, containing the
+pretended reasons of a Protestant for embracing Popery. They were of
+course artfully put, and made a formidable exhibition of the peril of
+heresy. I thought I could not do better in return, while writing my
+dissent, than to enclose some small books of my own to the nun, inviting
+her comments thereon. This brought a letter which was probably written
+by stealth, though so cautiously worded as to be safe if intercepted.
+She said she did not wish to leave me under a wrong impression, and
+therefore told me that she was not permitted to read any of my letters,
+or the little books I had sent, as those who watched over her spiritual
+interests and whom she was bound to obey, thought it wrong to unsettle
+her mind by reading any thing contrary to the true faith which she held.
+Here was a pretty exposure of one-sided honesty. I thanked God for the
+further insight given me into the mystery of iniquity, and from that day
+devoted all my powers to the investigation of that against which I had
+become a stanch protester.
+
+In the midst of our proceedings, a nun had taken the veil at the
+convent. Every body almost, to their shame be it spoken, was trying for
+tickets to the unhallowed show. My poor friend sent us two, informed me
+that two of the best front seats would be reserved for us, and
+accompanied her kind note with a programme of the ceremony and a
+translation or transcription of the service, all in her own handwriting.
+I felt deeply the pain of hurting her, and perhaps for a moment the
+workings of natural curiosity, but the hesitation was short. I sent back
+both books and tickets, with a grateful but decided refusal to be
+present. In all Kilkenny I did not find a person who could go along with
+me in my objections; but it is a matter of great joy to me to this hour,
+that I kept myself wholly unpolluted by any participation in these
+idolatrous doings; and I do believe that a double blessing has attended
+my efforts against Popery in consequence of it.
+
+The affair of the little deaf mute at the convent led me to turn my
+attention to some poor children similarly circumstanced in the streets
+of Kilkenny; and while prosecuting that work the Lord brought to me that
+dear dumb boy whom you well remember as the brightest, most lovely of
+Christian characters. He was then very little, and had a brother of
+sixteen, one of the most genuine paddies I ever beheld. This lad was
+living very idly; a fine, sensible, shrewd fellow, who could read and
+write, and very soon made great proficiency in the finger language by
+helping me to instruct Jack. No one above Pat's own rank had ever taken
+any interest in him; I did, a strong one, and as he was much with me,
+and of a character most intensely Irish, he became attached to my with a
+warmth of devotion rarely met with among any other people.
+
+One day Pat made his appearance with an important look, his brogues
+stamping the carpet with unwonted energy, his fine bare throat stiffened
+into a sort of dignified hauteur, and his very keen hazel eyes sparkling
+under the bushy luxuriance of chestnut curls that clustered about his
+face and fell on his neck. The very beau ideal of a wild Irish youth was
+my friend Pat. Seating himself as usual, he began--and here I must
+observe that my chief knowledge of the phraseology and turn of thought
+so peculiar to the Irish peasant was derived from this source. Whenever
+Pat came "to discourse me," I got rich lessons in the very brogue
+itself, from the fidelity with which his spelling followed the
+pronunciation of his words--"I wouldn't like," said he, "that you would
+go to hell."
+
+"Nor I either, Pat."
+
+"But you are out of the thrue church, and you wont be saved, and I must
+convart ye."
+
+"That is very kind of you, my good lad. If I am wrong, you cannot do
+better than set me right."
+
+"Sure and I will."
+
+"But how?"
+
+"With this," said he, pulling out a small pamphlet nothing the cleaner
+for wear. "You must learn my catechism, and it's you that will be the
+good Catholic."
+
+Delighted with the boy's honest zeal, I asked him where I should begin;
+and he no less pleased at my docility, desired me to read it all, and
+then get it all by heart. I promised to do the first at any rate; and Oh
+what a tissue of falsehood and blasphemy that "Butler's Catechism" was.
+Next morning my teacher came early: "Well, Pat, I have found out what
+makes you anxious about me: here it is said that none can be saved out
+of the true church."
+
+"That's it, sure enough."
+
+"But I do belong to the true church, and I'll show you what it is;" so I
+pointed out to him two passages, and added, "Now, I do love our Lord
+Jesus Christ in sincerity, and therefore I am one of those to whom St.
+Paul wishes grace and peace; and do you think an apostle would send his
+blessing to any body who was not of the true church?"
+
+Pat shook his head: "That's _your_ catechism, not mine."
+
+"Very true. Dr. Butler wrote yours, and God wrote mine," holding up the
+Bible; "which is best?"
+
+"That is not the real Bible," persisted Pat; "my priest has the true
+Bible."
+
+"Then ask him to lend you his."
+
+"I wouldn't get my ears pulled, would I?" said he, smiling: "but if he
+lent me his Bible he must lend me a car to bring it home in, for it's as
+big as this table. Yours is too little, and doesn't hold half the truth.
+That is why you are so ignorant."
+
+I soon proved, by showing him Matthew. Henry's Commentary, that the word
+of God would lie in a very small compass, the great bulk of the book
+being man's work. I also urged on him the absolute necessity of reading
+what God had given for our learning, and the danger of resting on man's
+assertion.
+
+Pat stood his ground most manfully, astonishing me by the adroitness
+with which he parried my attacks, while pursuing, as he hoped, the good
+work of my conversion. For many a day was the controversy carried on,
+Butler _versus_ the Bible, without any other effect than that of
+bringing Pat to read the sacred book for himself; but it opened to me
+the awful wiles of darkness by which the poor and ignorant are blinded,
+while for the more educated class such polished sophistry as Milner's is
+carefully prepared. I reaped the fruit, however, six years afterwards,
+when, in a little English church, Pat kneeled beside me and his brother,
+a thankful communicant, at the Lord's table.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER VIII.
+
+THE DUMB BOY.
+
+
+I turned my attention to the deaf and dumb children, whose situation was
+deplorable indeed: I took four out of the streets to instruct them, of
+whom one proved irreclaimably wild and vicious; two were removed by a
+priest's order, lest I should infect them with heresy: the fourth was to
+me a crown of rejoicing, and will be so yet more at "that day." * * *
+
+John, or Jack as we always called him, was a puny little fellow, of
+heavy aspect, and wholly destitute of the life and animation that
+generally characterize that class, who are obliged to use looks and
+gestures as a substitute for words. He seemed for a long while unable to
+comprehend my object in placing before him a dissected alphabet, and
+forming the letters into words significant of dog, man, hat, and other
+short monosyllables; and when I guided his little hard hand to trace
+corresponding characters on the slate, it was indeed a work of time and
+patience to make him draw a single stroke correctly. His unmeaning grin
+of good-natured acquiescence in whatever I bade him do, was more
+provoking than downright rebellion could have been; and I secretly
+agreed with my friends that the attempt would prove a complete failure,
+while impelled, I hardly could tell how, to persevere with redoubled
+efforts. Jack's uncouth bristly hair fell in a straight mass over one of
+the finest foreheads ever seen, and concealed it. I happened one day to
+put aside this mass, for the benefit of his sight, and was so struck
+with the nobly expansive brow, that I exclaimed to a friend then in the
+act of dissuading me from the work, "No; with such a forehead as this, I
+can never despair of success."
+
+
+      *       *       *       *       *
+
+It was by a sudden burst that the boy's mind broke its prison and looked
+around on every object as though never before beheld. All seemed to
+appear in so new a light to him; curiosity, in which he had been
+strangely deficient, became an eagerly active principle, and nothing
+that was portable did he fail to bring to me, with an inquiring shake of
+the head, and the word "what?" spelled by the fingers. It was no easy
+matter, before we had mastered a dozen common substantives and no other
+parts of speech, to satisfy his inquisitiveness, which I always
+endeavored to do, because it is wrong to repress that indication of
+dawning reason in a child, and Jack at eleven years old was in the
+predicament of a mere infant. More especially was I puzzled when his
+"what?" was accompanied by a motion pointing first at the dog, then to
+himself, to learn wherein consisted the difference between two
+creatures, both of whom, as he intimated, could eat, drink, sleep, and
+walk about, could be merry or angry, sick or well; neither of whom could
+talk; and yet, that there was a very great difference, he felt. The
+noble nature of man, was struggling to assert its preeminence over the
+irrational brute, which he, nevertheless, loved and feared too; for
+Barrow was a splendid dog, and used to assist me very cleverly in
+keeping my little wild Irish crew in order. Oh what a magnificent wreck
+is man! I do love to watch the rapid approach of that glorious time
+when, the six thousand years of his degradation beneath the reign of
+Satan being fulfilled, he shall rise above the usurper's power, and
+resume his high station among the brightest works of God.
+
+I do not remember exactly how long after his first coming to me it was
+that Jack began to inquire so diligently about God. He seemed full of
+grave but restless thought, and then approaching me, pointed towards the
+sun, and by a movement of the hands as if kneading something, asked me
+whether I made it. I shook my head. Did my mother? No. Did Mr. Roe, or
+Mr. Shaw--two Protestant clergymen--or the priest? He had a sign to
+express each of these. No. Then "What? what?" with a frown and a stamp
+of fretful impatience. I pointed upwards, with a look of reverential
+solemnity, and spelled the word "God." He seemed struck, and asked no
+more at that time, but next day he overwhelmed me with "whats," and
+seemed determined to know more about it. I told him as well as I could,
+that He of whom I spoke was great, powerful, and kind; and that he was
+always looking at us. He smiled, and informed me he did not know how the
+sun was made, for he could not keep his eyes on it; but the moon he
+thought was like a dumpling, and sent rolling over the tops of the
+trees, as he sent a marble across the table. As for the stars, they were
+cut out with a large pair of scissors, and stuck into the sky with the
+end of the thumb. Having thus settled his system of astronomy, he looked
+very happy, and patted his chest with evident self-applause.
+
+I was amused, but of course not satisfied: my charge was necessarily an
+Atheist, and what I had told him was a very bare sort of Deism indeed.
+To communicate more, however, seemed utterly impossible, until we should
+have accomplished considerable things in the way of education. We had
+not above a dozen of the commonest words--all names of things--to which
+he could attach a meaning; and our signs were all of his own contriving,
+which I had to catch and follow as I might. So said reason, but reason
+is a fool. "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that
+proceedeth out of the mouth of God." "For my ways are not your ways,
+neither are your thoughts my thoughts, saith the Lord." It pleased him
+to enlighten the mind of the boy; and instead of that work being
+dependent on human wisdom, all that human wisdom could do was to creep
+after it at a modest distance.
+
+Next day, Jack came to me in great wrath, intimating that my tongue
+ought to be pulled out. This was his usual mode of accusation where a
+lie had been told. So I looked innocent and said, "What?" He reminded me
+of yesterday's conversation, telling me he had looked everywhere for
+God: he had been down the street, over the bridge, into the churchyard,
+through the fields, had peeped into the grounds of the castle, walked
+past the barrack-yard, and got up in the night to look out at the
+window. All in vain; he could not find God. _He saw nobody big enough
+to put up his hand and stick the stars into the sky_. I was "bad," my
+tongue must be pulled out; for there was "God, NO." And he repeated
+"God, no," so often that it went to my heart.
+
+I considered, prayerfully. My view of the scriptures told me that
+without divine help none could really seek after God: and also that when
+he vouchsafed to give the desire, he would surely increase knowledge.
+Here was a poor afflicted boy getting out of his bed to look by night
+for one whom he had vainly sought all the day: here was Satan at work to
+strengthen unbelief: I was commanded to resist the devil, and surely
+there must be some way of resisting him. I sat silent on the opposite
+side of the fire, and a plan having struck me, I looked at Jack,
+shrugged my shoulders and seemed convicted of a deception. He shook his
+head at me, frowned, and appeared very much offended at my delinquency.
+Presently I seized a small pair of bellows, and after puffing at the
+fire for a while, suddenly directed a rough blast at his little red
+hand, which hung very near it. He snatched it back, scowled at me, and
+when again I repeated the operation, expressed great displeasure,
+shivering, and letting me know he did not like it.
+
+I renewed the puff, saying, "What?" and looking most unconscious of
+having done any thing; he blew hard, and repeated that it made his hands
+cold; that I was very bad, and he was very angry. I puffed in all
+directions, looked very eagerly at the pipe of the bellows, peering on
+every side, and then, explaining that I could see nothing, imitated his
+manner, saying, "Wind? no!" shaking my head at him, and telling him his
+tongue must come out, mimicking his looks of rebuke and offended virtue.
+He opened his eyes very wide, stared at me and panted; a deep crimson
+suffused his whole face, and a soul, a real soul shone in his strangely
+altered countenance, while he triumphantly repeated, "God like wind! God
+like wind!" He had no word for "like;" it was signified by holding the
+two forefingers out, side by side, as a symbol of perfect resemblance.
+
+Here was a step, a glorious step, out of absolute atheism into a perfect
+recognition of the invisible God. An idea, to call it nothing more, new,
+grand, and absorbing, took possession of his mind. I numbered seven
+years of incessant care over him from that day; and I will fearlessly
+assert that in his head and in his heart God reigned unrivalled. Even
+before he knew him as God in Christ, the Creator and Preserver were
+enthroned in his bosom; and every event of the day, every object that
+met his view, gave rise to some touchingly simple question or remark
+concerning God. He made me observe that when trying to look at the sun
+he was forced to shut his eyes, adding, "God like sun." An analogy not
+very traceable, though strictly just; for the glory that dazzled his
+mind was not visible. He was perpetually engaged in some process of
+abstract reasoning on every subject, and amazed me by explaining its
+results; but how he carried it on without the intervention of words, was
+and is a puzzle to me.
+
+Previously he had been rather teasing to the dog and other inferior
+creatures, and had a great desire to fish; but now he became most
+exquisitely tender towards every living thing, moving his hand over them
+in a caressing way, and saying, "God made." At first he excepted the
+worms from this privilege, remarking that they came up through holes
+from beneath the earth, while God was above, over the sky; therefore
+they were not made by him; but I set him right, and he agreed that they
+might be rolled up in the world, like meat in a pudding, and bite their
+way out. Thenceforth, woe to the angler whom Jack detected looking for
+live bait!
+
+When my first pupil from being irregular in his attendance fell off more
+and more, until he wholly discontinued coming, and the others were
+withdrawn for fear of heretical infection, I became more anxious lest
+this dear boy might also leave me before he had received the knowledge
+of Jesus Christ. I had, at his earnest entreaty, taken him into the
+house altogether, his home being at some distance; but I knew not how
+long he might be permitted to stay. The ravages of a dreadful fever
+among the poor, increased my solicitude to see my devout little Deist a
+Christian. I have, in a small memoir of this "Happy Mute," related the
+manner of his receiving the gospel, but I must not pass it over here. To
+the glory of God's rich grace it shall be recorded, as one of the most
+signal mercies ever vouchsafed to me. As before, the boy was led to open
+the way, and in the faith of the Lord's willingness to reveal himself to
+an inquiring soul, I followed it up.
+
+Jack had noticed the number of funerals passing; he had occasionally
+seen dead bodies placed in their coffins, and one evening he alluded to
+it, asking me by significant gestures if they would ever open their eyes
+again. Considering that he had often been present at the interment of
+the dead, and had also witnessed the decay of animals cast out to
+perish, it struck me as a singular question, plainly indicating that the
+consciousness of immortality is natural to man, and unbelief in a future
+state foreign to his untaught feelings. On the present occasion, my
+heart being then lifted up in prayer for divine assistance on this very
+point, I caught at the encouragement, and instantly proceeded to improve
+the opportunity, I sketched on paper a crowd of persons, old and young;
+near them a pit with flames issuing from it, and told him all those
+people, among whom were we, had been "bad" and God would throw us into
+the fire. When his alarm was greatly excited, I introduced into the
+picture another individual, who I told him was God's Son; that he came
+out of heaven; that he had not been bad, and was not to go in the pit;
+but that he allowed himself to be killed; and when he died, God shut up
+the pit; so the people were spared. This seemed to myself too strange,
+vague, meagre, to convey any definite idea to the boy's mind; but how
+effectual does the Lord make our poorest efforts when HE wills to work!
+After a few moments' deep thought, Jack astonished me by an objection
+that proved he saw the grand doctrine of a substitute for sinners, which
+I was so hopeless of bringing before him. He told me the rescued people
+were many; he who died was one, and his earnest "What?" with the
+eloquent look that now peculiarly belonged to his once stupid
+countenance, showed his anxiety for a solution of this difficulty.
+
+With unutterable joy in my heart, but great composure of manner, I rose,
+and taking from a vase a bunch of dead flowers, inadvertently left
+there, I cut them into small bits, laid them in a heap on the table, and
+beside them my gold ring: then pointing to each, with the words "many-
+one," I asked which he would rather have? He struck his hand suddenly to
+his forehead, then clapped both hands, gave a jump as he sat, and with
+the most rapturous expression of countenance intimated that the one
+piece of gold was better than the room full of dead flowers With great
+rapidity he applied the symbol, pointing to the picture, to the ring, to
+himself, to me, and finally to heaven. In the last position he stood up
+and paused for some time, and what a picture he would have made! A smile
+perfectly angelic beaming on his face, his eyes sparkling and dancing
+with delight, until, with a rush of tears that quite suffused them, he
+gazed at me, then again raised them to the ceiling, his look softened
+into an expression of deep awe and unbounded love, while he gently
+spelled on his fingers, "Good ONE, good ONE!" and ended by asking me his
+name.
+
+"How sweet the name of Jesus sounds In a believer's ear!"
+
+Jack was not to hear that name with his bodily ears until the voice of
+the archangel and the trump of God should call him from sleeping in the
+dust of the earth; but he received it into his mind, and the gospel, the
+glorious, everlasting gospel, into his soul, and the Holy Spirit into
+his heart, without the intervention of that sense. In that hour it was
+given unto him to believe, and from that hour all things were his--the
+world, life, death, and a bright immortality. Never but once before had
+I laid my head on the pillow with such an overwhelming sense of perfect
+happiness. The Lord had indeed shown me his glory, by causing his
+goodness to pass before me.
+
+Henceforth I had a Christian brother in my little dumb charge: his love
+to Jesus Christ was fervent and full; his thoughts about him most
+beautiful. By degrees, I gave him some knowledge of our Lord's mortal
+birth, his infancy, work, death, resurrection, and ascension; together
+with his coming to final judgment at the end of the world. * * *
+
+Very great indeed was Jack's emotion when he discovered that the Saviour
+in whom he was rejoicing was the object represented by the image he had
+been taught to bow down before. He resented it deeply: I was quite
+alarmed at the sudden and violent turn his feelings took against Popery.
+* * * He spurned the whole system from him, as soon as the light of the
+gospel fell upon its deformities.
+
+Returning from the chapel one day, soon after this, he came up to me
+under great excitement: he took up a clothes-brush, set it on one end,
+and with a ludicrous grimace bowed down before it, joining his hands in
+the attitude of prayer and chattering after his fashion; then asking the
+brush if it could hear him, waiting in an attitude of attention for its
+reply, and finally knocking it over and kicking it round the room,
+saying, "Bad god, bad god!" I guessed pretty well what it was all about;
+but as he concluded by snapping his fingers exultingly and seating
+himself without further remark, I spoke on other subjects.
+
+Next morning, Jack was very animated, and came to me with an evident
+budget of new thoughts. He told me something very small came out of the
+ground, pointing in opposite directions; it grew: and then two more
+points appeared. I found he was describing the growth of a plant, and
+expecting some question, was all attention; but Jack was come to teach,
+not to learn. He soon showed that his tree had reached a great height
+and size; then he made as if shouldering a hatchet, advanced to the tree
+and cut it down. Next came a great deal of sawing, chopping, planing,
+and shaping, until he made me understand he had cut out a crucifix,
+which he laid by, and proceeded to make a stool, a box, and other small
+articles; after which he gathered up the chips, flung them on the fire,
+and seemed to be cheering himself in the blaze. I actually trembled at
+the proceeding; for where had he, who could not form or understand half
+a sentence, where had _he_ learned the Holy Spirit's testimony as
+recorded by Isaiah?
+
+The sequel was what I anticipated: he feigned to set up the imaginary
+crucifix, and preparing to pray before it, checked himself, saying,
+"No;" then with animated seriousness reverted to the springing up of the
+little seedling, saying, "God made;" and as it grew, he described the
+fashioning of the trunk and branches and leaves most gracefully, still
+saying "God made;" he seemed to dip a pencil in color, to paint the
+leaves, repeating, "God made beautiful!" Then, that God made his hands
+too; and he came to the conclusion that the tree which God made, cut out
+by his hands which God made, could not be God who made them. Then he got
+very angry, and not satisfied with an unsubstantial object for his holy
+indignation to vent itself upon, he ran for the clothes-brush, and gave
+it a worse cuffing and kicking than before; ending with a solemn inquiry
+whether I worshipped crosses, etc., when I went to church.
+
+I trembled to give the encouragement I longed to bestow. However, I
+distinctly intimated my detestation of idolatry, and confirmed his
+strong repudiation of it. He told me he would not go any more to chapel,
+but I told him, as well as I _could_, the almost certain
+consequences, and he then remembered that other boys had told him those
+who ate meat on Fridays would go to hell. He became greatly distressed
+as the next Sabbath approached, but contrary to all my expectations
+returned from mass in excellent spirits. Pat told me, laughing, that
+Jack was become so musical he insisted on going to sit by the organ,
+that he might feel the vibration; and when alone with me, Jack joyfully
+told me that he had run up the stairs from the outer door to the organ-
+loft, and so escaped even the necessity of bowing down to the cross.
+This plan he persisted in from that day. Some years afterwards I asked
+his brother if he had any suspicion at the time of the boy's object in
+so doing: he answered, None at all; and that if he had, he would have
+forced him into the body of the mass-house, and compelled him to
+prostrate himself.
+
+
+      *       *       *       *       *
+
+Early in the summer of 1824, I received a summons to return to England.
+It was most unwelcome, for my heart was knit to Ireland, and to share
+the lot of her devoted people was its earnest desire. At home I had many
+old friends; but what were they to the beloved brethren and sisters in
+Christ, who had been my fellow-helpers for the last four years in the
+work of the Lord? All ties were weak to that, save one, the tie that
+bound me to my beloved brother. Him I had not seen for nine years: he
+had continued on the staff of the Portuguese army until the
+establishment of the Cortes, who dismissed all British officers; and
+then he settled in the interior of that country, cultivating some of the
+land which he had gallantly fought to rescue. It was a subject of
+continual sorrow to me that he was residing in the heart of an
+exclusively Popish country, far from every means of grace; not even a
+place of worship within many leagues, and wholly shut out from Christian
+intercourse. I knew that he had been equally dark with myself on the
+subject of religion; and truly can I say, that from the very hour of my
+being enabled to see the truth as it is in Jesus, my life had been a
+constant prayer for him, that God would make him a partaker in the like
+precious faith. There was now a prospect of his returning, and this
+added to the summons I have mentioned, made my way plain. The state of
+Jack's mind, too, on the subject of Popery, helped to reconcile me,
+since I had made up my mind to take him with me if his parents would
+agree to it. There was no difficulty in bringing them to do so; they
+gave a willing, a grateful consent. His mother's words, while tears
+rolled down her cheeks, were, "Take him; he is more your child than
+ours." His father remarked, "Why shouldn't we let him go with you,
+seeing he would grieve to death if you left him behind?" When I began to
+state that I could not promise he would not openly embrace my religion,
+they interrupted me, repeating that he was my child more than theirs,
+and could never come to any harm under my care. Coward as I was, I did
+not use the opportunity then given to set before them their own danger,
+and commend the pure faith that I knew their child held. I had
+occasionally talked in a general way, and once very strongly, when the
+mother told me of the dreadful penances she had done, walking on her
+bare knees over a road strewed with pebbles, glass, and quicklime, to
+make her sufferings greater, in order to obtain from God and the saints
+the restoration of the boy's hearing and speech. She was then pleading
+the power and holiness of her clergy, and their superiority to all the
+rest of the world. I looked from the window, and said, "See, there goes
+your bishop; now do you think this bright sun warms him more than it
+does any Protestant walking beside him?" "Troth, and I am sure it does,"
+answered she. "What, do you think he has any particular advantage over
+other men in things that are common to all?" "That he has, being a holy
+bishop." "Well, now, if I call him up, and we all put our fingers
+together between these bars, do you think the fire would burn him less
+than us?" She hesitated; her husband burst into a laugh, and archly
+said, "I'll engage his reverence wouldn't try that same."
+
+I was now to bid adieu to my pleasant haunts, chief among which was the
+lordly castle of Kilkenny, where I had passed so very many delightful
+hours. Its noble owners were abroad, but by their favor I had a key to
+the private door beside the river, and full access to every part of the
+castle and its beautiful grounds. It was there I used to muse on days of
+Ireland's bygone greatness, though not then well read in her peculiar
+history, and gradually I had become as Irish as any of her own children.
+How could it be otherwise? I was not naturally cold-hearted, though
+circumstances had, indeed, greatly frozen the current of my warm
+affections, and I had learned to look with comparative indifference on
+whatever crossed my changeful path; but no one with a latent spark of
+kindly feeling can long repress it among the Irish. There is an ardor of
+character, an earnestness in their good will, a habit of assimilating
+themselves to the tastes and habits of those whom they desire to please
+--and that desire is very general--that wins on the affections of those
+who possess any, a grateful regard, and leaving on the scenes that have
+witnessed such intercourse, a sunshine peculiar to themselves. Reserve
+of manner cannot long exist in Irish society. I have met with some among
+the people of the land, who were cold and forbidding, insensible and
+unkind, but these were exceptions, establishing the rule by the very
+disagreeable contrast in which they stood out from all around them; and
+I never found these persons in the humbler classes, where the unmixed
+Irish prevails. Hospitality is indeed the polestar of Ireland; go where
+you will, it is always visible; but it shines the brightest in the poor
+man's cabin, because the potato that he so frankly, so heartily, so
+gracefully presses upon your acceptance is selected from a scanty heap,
+barely sufficient to allay the cravings of hunger in himself and his
+half-clad little ones. In this, as in all other particulars, a change
+for the worse has come over the people of late; priestly authority has
+interposed to check the outgoings of kindness from a warm-hearted people
+to those who are indeed their friends, and a painful, reluctant
+restraint is laid upon them; but the evil had not become evident at the
+time of my sojourn there, and I can only speak of them as the most
+respectful, most courteous and hospitable peasantry in the world.
+
+At the same time they were in many respects the most degraded. Nothing
+could equal the depth of their abasement before an insolent priesthood,
+except the unblushing effrontery with which the latter lorded it over
+them. For any infraction of their arbitrary rules, the most cruel and
+humiliating penances were imposed. I knew an instance of a young woman,
+a Romanist, who engaged in the service of a Protestant family, and went
+out with them to America. While there, she was led to join in family
+worship, but without any intention of forsaking her own creed; neither
+had they attempted to draw her out of the net. On her return to Kilkenny
+she went to confession, and among other things divulged the fact of
+having heard the Bible read, and prayed in company with heretics. This
+was an enormity too great for the priest to deal with alone; so he
+ordered the girl off, fasting, to her original confessor, who then
+officiated in a chapel seven good Irish miles distant. On hearing the
+case, he ordered her to go thrice round the chapel on her bare knees,
+and then to set off, still fasting, and walk back to Kilkenny, there to
+undergo such additional penance as his reverend brother should see good
+to impose. The poor creature scarcely reached the town alive, through
+fatigue, exhaustion, and terror; she was ill for some time, and on her
+recovery subjected to further discipline. These particulars I had from
+one of her own friends and a bigoted Papist to boot, who told it in
+order to convince me that the girl had committed a very great sin.
+
+I once asked a young man how he got on at confession--whether he told
+all his sins. He replied, "Sometimes I disremember a few, and if the
+priest, suspects it, he pulls my hair and boxes my ears, to help my
+memory." "And how do you feel when you have got absolution?" "I feel all
+right; and I go out and begin again." "And how do you know that God has
+really pardoned you?" "He doesn't pardon me directly; only the priest
+does. He, the priest, confesses my sins to the bishop, and the bishop
+confesses them to the pope, and the pope sees the Virgin Mary every
+Saturday night, and tells her to speak to God about it." "And you really
+believe this monstrous story?" "Why shouldn't I? But it is no affair of
+mine, for, once I have confessed, all my sins are laid on the priest,
+and he must do the best he can to get rid of them. I am safe." Of such
+materials is the net composed that holds these people in bondage; and
+who can marvel that such prostration of mind before a fellow-mortal
+should lead to an abject slavery of the whole man, body, conscience, and
+understanding? We see the effects, and abhor them; but we do not go to
+the root of the matter.
+
+The priest himself is equally enslaved; his oath binds him to an
+implicit blind reception of tenets which he is not permitted to
+investigate, and which make him the pliant tool of a higher department
+of this detestable machinery. He receives his cue from the bishops, and
+they are wholly governed by the Propaganda at Rome, whither each of them
+is bound periodically to appear for personal examination and fresh
+instructions. The Propaganda is, of course, the _primum mobile_ of
+the system, set agoing by Satan himself. Hence the mischief that is
+perpetrated by the unhappy beings who form the operative section of this
+cunning concern--the handicraft men of blood. It is an awful spectacle,
+and one that we cannot long avert our eyes from contemplating with the
+deep interest that personal peril excites. All is preparing for a burst
+of persecution against the people of the Lord, and happy is he who shall
+be found armed with watching.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER IX.
+
+ENGLAND.
+
+
+We started for Dublin with sorrowing hearts, for it was likely to be a
+long, if not a last farewell to friends who were endeared as well by a
+participation in danger as in feeling. * * *
+
+Jack had never before been beyond the environs of his native town, and I
+expected to see him much astonished by the splendid buildings of Dublin.
+He regarded them however with indifference, because, as he said, they
+were not "God-mades;" while the scenery through which we had travelled,
+particularly the noble oaks on Colonel Bruen's fine demesne, and the
+groups of deer reclining beneath their broad shadow, roused him to
+enthusiasm. It was wonderful to trace the exquisite perception of beauty
+as developed in that boy, who had never even been in a furnished room
+until he came to me. His taste was refined, and his mind delicate beyond
+belief: I never saw such sensitive modesty as he manifested to the last
+day of his life. Rudeness of any kind was hateful to him; he not only
+yielded respect to all, but required it towards himself, and really
+commanded it by his striking propriety of manner. He was, as a dear
+friend once remarked, a "God-made" gentleman, untainted with the
+slightest approach to any thing like affectation or coxcombry: indeed he
+ridiculed the latter with much comic effect: and the words "Dandy Jack,"
+would put him out of conceit with any article of apparel that drew forth
+the remark. He would answer the taunt with a face of grave rebuke,
+saying, "Bad Mam, bold Mam; Jack dandy? no; Jack poor boy." He had not,
+indeed, arrived at so copious a vocabulary when we left his home; but he
+was rapidly acquiring new words.
+
+It was beautiful to see him at prayer. He had never kneeled down with us
+at Kilkenny; for any Romanist who had detected him doing so must have
+informed, and the priest would have commanded his removal. In Dublin he
+volunteered to join us, and as he kneeled with clasped hands, looking up
+towards heaven, the expression of his countenance was most lovely. A
+smile of childlike confidence and reverential love played over his
+features, now becoming most eloquent; his bristly hair had begun to
+assume a silky appearance, and was combed aside from a magnificent brow,
+while a fine color perpetually mantled his cheeks and changed with every
+emotion; his dark hazel eyes, large, and very bright, always speaking
+some thought that occupied his mind. He was rather more than twelve
+years old. In profile, he much resembled Kirke White when older; but the
+strongest likeness I ever saw of him is an original portrait of Edward
+VI., by Holbein, in my possession.
+
+It was taken after consumption had set its seal on the countenance of
+that blessed young king, as it did on that of my dear dumb boy.
+
+In Dublin, he had one adventure that afforded him much enjoyment. I went
+into an extensive toy-shop to make some purchase, and Jack, enchanted
+with the wonders around him, strolled to the further end, and into a
+little adjoining recess, well filled with toys. A great uproar in that
+direction made us all run to inquire the cause, and there was Jack,
+mounted on a first-rate rocking-horse, tearing away full gallop, and
+absolutely roaring out in the maddest paroxysm of delight, his hat
+fallen off, his arm raised, his eyes and mouth wide open, and the
+surrounding valuables in imminent peril of a general crash. The mistress
+of the shop was so convulsed with laughter that she could render no
+assistance, and it was with some difficulty I checked his triumphant
+career, and dismounted him. He gave me afterwards a diverting account of
+his cautious approach to the "good horse;" how he ascertained it was
+"bite, no; kick, no:" and gradually got resolution to mount it. He
+wanted to know how far he had rode, and also if he was a God-made? I
+told him it was wood, but I doubt whether he believed me. Thenceforth
+Dublin was associated in his mind with nothing else; even at nineteen
+years of age he would say, if he met with the name, "Good Dublin, good
+horse; small Jack love good Dublin horse." The shipping pleased him
+greatly, and many of his beautiful drawings were representations of
+sailing vessels.
+
+I had now been in Ireland five years and three months; and with what
+different feelings did I prepare to leave its green shores from those
+with which I first pressed them. Unfounded prejudice was succeeded by an
+attachment founded on close acquaintance with those among whom I had
+dwelt, contempt by respect, and dislike by the warmest, most grateful
+affection. I had scorned her poverty, and hated her turbulence. The
+first I now knew to be no poverty of soil, of natural resources, of
+mind, talent, or energy, but the effect of a blight, permitted to rest
+alike on the land and people, through the selfishness of an unjust,
+crooked policy, that made their welfare of no account in its
+calculations, nor would stretch forth a hand to deliver them from the
+dark dominion of Popery. Their turbulence was the natural fruit of such
+poverty, and of their being wholly under the influence of a party
+necessarily hostile to the interests of a Protestant state, and bent on
+subverting its ascendency. What Ireland was, I too plainly saw: what she
+might be, I clearly understood; and the guilt of my country's
+responsibility lay heavy on my heart as I watched the outline of her
+receding coast.
+
+Bristol was our destination; and for the ensuing year, Clifton became
+our abode. This period of my life was one of severe trial, which it is
+not necessary to particularize. Incipient derangement, which afterwards
+became developed, in a quarter where, if I did not find comfort and
+protection, I might expect their opposites, occasioned me much alarm and
+distress, while my brother's protracted absence increased the trial.
+Much secluded, I pursued my literary avocations, and watched the
+progress of Jack's growth in knowledge and in grace. * * *
+
+My sojourn at Clifton brought me into personal acquaintance with that
+venerable servant of God, Hannah More. We had for some time
+corresponded, and she had afforded me great encouragement in my humble
+labors, taking an especial interest in my attempts to instruct the deaf
+and dumb children. I had now the pleasure of showing her the progress
+made with Jack, who delighted her greatly, and who, to the last day of
+his mortal existence, most fondly cherished the memory of that sweet old
+lady. She was, indeed, one of the excellent of the earth, permitted long
+to beautify the church which she had so mainly helped to strengthen and
+advance, and to be an honor to the land where she had nobly stood forth
+to repel the assaults of revolutionizing impiety. I often wonder that so
+little stress is laid upon this branch of Mrs. More's extensive labors.
+We hear much of her schools, her charities, her letters, her devotional
+and educational publications, and all of these deserve the full
+celebrity that they have attained. But England should especially bear in
+mind her effective championship of the good cause, by means most
+admirably adapted to its furtherance among the most dangerous, and
+generally speaking the most unapproachable class--a class who
+congregated in ale-houses to hear the inflammatory harangues of
+seditious traitors, while as yet Bibles were scarce, religious tracts
+not in existence, and district visiting unthought of. In a lady of
+refined taste, and rare accomplishments in the higher style of writing,
+to volunteer in a work so new, and to furnish the press with a series of
+plain truths dressed in a most homely phrase, rendered attractive by
+lively narrative and even drollery, and the whole brought down to the
+level of coarse, uninformed minds, while circulated in a form to come
+within the narrow means of the lowest mechanics--this was an enterprise
+worthy especial note, even had not God openly blessed it to the turning
+of that formidable tide. When I looked upon the placid but animated
+countenance of the aged saint, as she sat in her bow-window looking out
+upon the fair fields, the still inviolate shores of her beloved country,
+I thought more of her "Cheap Repository Tracts" than of all her other
+works combined. There lay the Bristol Channel, that noble inlet to our
+isle, by which the commerce of the world was even then finding its
+peaceful way to the great mart of Bristol; and there sat the aged lady,
+so long the presiding spirit of the place, with one hand, as it were,
+gathering the lambs of the flock into green pastures among the distant
+hills, that formed a beautiful feature in the landscape; with the other
+vigorously repulsing the wolf from the field. If I could have
+discovered, which I could not, a single trait of consciousness that she
+was a distinguished being, exalted into eminence by public acclaim, I
+must have conceived her to be dwelling upon this branch of her many
+privileges, that she had been a Deborah where many a Barak shrunk from
+the post of honor and skulked behind a woman. She took that lively
+interest in the public, secular affairs of her country that Jeremiah and
+Ezekiel did of old; and on the same plain ground--that where the state
+professes to be modelled and the executive to act on principles of God's
+instilling, with a view that peace and happiness, truth and justice,
+religion and piety, may be established among us, nothing done by the
+state can be indifferent to the church, or unworthy the anxious watchful
+regard of Christians. To be called a carnal politician by those whose
+minds, at least on religious subjects, could contain, but one idea, was
+certainly a light affliction to balance against the joyous consciousness
+of having materially aided in preserving those cavillers' homes from the
+hand of the spoiler, and their Bibles from that of the Atheist.
+
+When I saw Hannah More, she was really at ease in her possessions; and
+none who loved her less than the Lord himself did, would have laid a
+sorrow upon her grey hairs. Man would have decreed that such a full-ripe
+shock of corn should be brought into the garner without further ruffling
+or shaking. She had suffered exceedingly from rheumatism and other
+ailments, and yet more from the tongue of calumny and the hand of
+ingratitude. She was an illustration of that striking couplet,
+
+  "Envy will merit as its shade pursue,
+  And, like the shadow, prove the substance true."
+
+She had, however, triumphed over all by meekly committing her cause to
+Him who judgeth righteously; and now she seemed to be placed beyond the
+reach of further molestation, and about to end her useful life in peace.
+But she had another lesson to give to the people of God, another fire in
+which to glorify him: and not long after I saw her reclining in that
+lovely retreat which had grown up about her, a perfect bower from slips
+and seeds of her own planting, as she delighted to tell us, she was
+actually driven out of her little paradise, compelled to leave the
+shadow of her nursling trees, and to cast a tearful farewell look on the
+smiling flowers, and to turn away from the bright sea and the waving
+line of her Cheddar hills, to find a lodging in the neighboring town;
+and all through treachery, domestic treachery against her whose whole
+life had been a course of unsparing beneficence towards others. Hannah
+More perhaps needed to be again reminded, that she must do all her works
+"as to the Lord," looking to him alone for acceptance of them; or if she
+needed it not, others did; and often since she entered into her
+Saviour's presence, "to go no more out," has the scene of the last trial
+to which her generous, confiding, affectionate spirit was subjected,
+been blessed to the consolation of others. God's children find that it
+is good for themselves that they should be afflicted; but they do not
+always remember how good it is for the church, that they should be so.
+They look within, and seeing so much there daily, "justly deserving
+God's wrath and condemnation," they lie still in his hand, willing and
+thankful to have the dross purged out, and the tin taken away. Their
+fellows look on, and not seeing the desperate wickedness of their
+hearts, but fondly believing them to be as near perfection as human
+frailty will permit, they argue, "If such a saint as ---- be thus
+chastened and corrected, what must a sinner like me expect?" So they
+learn watchfulness and fear in the day of prosperity; and when adversity
+comes, they are enabled more lovingly to kiss the rod. Oh, if we could
+see but a little of the Lord's dealings, in all their bearings, how
+should we praise him for his goodness and the wonders that he doeth unto
+the children of men. What profit, what pleasure has he in afflicting us?
+Surely it is, so to speak, more trouble to correct than to leave us
+alone; and he would not twine the small cords into a scourge, unless to
+cleanse and sanctify his temple.
+
+I have said that my brother's return home was delayed. A hurt received
+in shooting, with its consequences, detained him in Lisbon nearly a
+year; but his family came over, and I had a new delicious employment, a
+solace under many sorrows, an unfailing source of interest and delight,
+in teaching his eldest surviving boy the accomplishments of walking and
+talking. I almost expected Jack to be jealous of such a rival, but I
+wronged him: nothing could exceed his fondness for "baby boy," or the
+zeal of his Irish devotion to the little gentleman. Knowing that in the
+event of my removal, Jack must earn his bread by some laborious or
+servile occupation, I had kept him humble. He ate in the same room with
+us, because I never suffered him to associate with servants; but at a
+side-table; and he was expected to do every little household work that
+befitted his age and strength. A kind shake of the hand, morning and
+evening, was his peculiar privilege; and the omission a punishment too
+severe to be inflicted, except on occasions of most flagrant
+delinquency, such as rebelling against orders, or expressing any angry
+emotion, to which he was constitutionally liable, by yells and howls
+that almost frightened our hosts from their propriety. He had, of
+course, no idea of the strength of his own lungs, nor of the effect
+produced by giving them full play in a fit of passion; but the commotion
+into which it threw the whole house seemed to flatter his vanity, and he
+became a vocalist on very trifling occasions. This neither agreed with
+our dear invalid landlady, nor was a fitting example for "baby boy," who
+speedily tried his own little treble in admiring imitation of Jack's
+deafening bass; and recourse was at last had to the aid of a young
+friend, who bestowed a few gentle raps on his head with the bent end of
+a hooked cane, and then locked him up in a dark kitchen for half an
+hour, saying to me, rather regretfully, "I suppose my popularity is at
+an end now. Poor fellow, I shall be sorry to lose his affection." But
+this was so far from being the case, that to his closing scene Jack
+retained a grateful remembrance of the proceeding. He used to say, "Good
+Mr. W----; good little stick beat Jack's head; made bad Jack good. Jack
+love good Mr. W----." At the very time, as soon as he saw his kind
+corrector after the business, he very gracefully and cordially thanked
+him, kissing his hand, with a bow, and saying, "Jack no more cry;" and
+as he really was hardly touched, and full well knew we had not the heart
+to be severe, it was a proof of that openness to rebuke which is a
+lovely mark of true Christianity.
+
+Montgomery beautifully says,
+
+  "Prayer is the Christian's vital breath,
+  The Christian's native air."
+
+And so it eminently was with the dumb boy. Under every form of condition
+and circumstance, in health and sickness, in joy, in grief, in danger,
+in perplexity--over his food, his studies, his work, his amusements, he
+was ever turning a look of peculiar sweetness on me, with the two words,
+"Jack pray." He always smiled when so engaged, and a look of
+inexpressible eagerness, mingled with satisfaction and the triumph of
+one who feels that he has taken a secure stand, told me when he was
+praying, without any change of position, or looking up. There was always
+a mixture of anxiety in his aspect when he tried to make himself
+understood by his fellow-creatures; this gave place to something the
+reverse of anxiety when he was "talking to God," as he sometimes
+expressed it. He oftener looked down than up; and very often did I see
+his eye fixed upon the "baby boy," when, as his looks bespoke, and as he
+afterwards told me, he was "tell God" about him, and that he was too
+little to know about Jesus Christ yet. Many a prayer of that grateful
+dumb boy even now descends in blessings on the head of my brother's
+"baby," and long may the hallowed stream continue to flow down, until
+they rejoice together before the throne of the Lamb.
+
+One of Jack's lovely thoughts was this: he told me that when little
+children began to walk, Jesus Christ held them by the hand to teach
+them; and that if they fell, he put his hand between their heads and the
+ground to prevent their being hurt. Then, as if he saw this proceeding,
+he would look up, and with the fondest expression say, "_Good_
+Jesus Christ, Jack very much loves Jesus Christ." I hope you are not
+tired of Jack; I have much to tell about him. God made me the humble
+means of plucking this precious brand from the burning; and I owe it to
+the Lord to show what a tenfold blessing I reaped in it. Jack was not
+the only one of whom He has, in the dispensations of his providence,
+said to me, "Nurse this child for me, and I will give thee thy wages." I
+have found him a noble Paymaster.
+
+And now I come to a period of my life that I have scarcely courage to go
+over. Many and sharp and bitter were the trials left unrecorded here;
+and shame be to the hand that shall ever DARE to lift the veil that
+tender charity would cast over what was God's doing, let the instruments
+be what and who they might. It is enough to say, that even now I know
+there was not one superfluous stroke of the rod, nor one drop of bitter
+that could have been spared from the wholesome cup. Besides, he dealt
+most mercifully with me; those two rich blessings, health and
+cheerfulness, were never withdrawn. I had not a day's illness through
+years of tribulation; and though my spirits would now and then fail, it
+was but a momentary depression; light and buoyant, they soon danced on
+the crest of the wave that had for an instant ingulfed them.
+
+It is of joy I have to tell: safety, peace, prosperity, under the
+restored sunshine that had made my early career so bright. Never did a
+sister more fondly love a brother; never was a brother more formed to be
+the delight, the pride, the blessing of a sister. He was of most rare
+beauty from the cradle, increasing in loveliness as he grew up, and
+becoming the very model of a splendid man; very tall, large, commanding,
+with a face of perfect beauty, glowing, animated, mirthful--a gait so
+essentially military, that it was once remarked by an officer, "If B----
+were disguised as a washerwoman, any soldier would give him the salute."
+He had also served in the Peninsula with the highest possible credit,
+regarded by those in command as one of the best officers in the service,
+and most ardently loved by the men under him. Many a bloody battle-field
+had he seen; but never did a wound reach him. On one occasion--at
+Albuhera--his gallant regiment went into action 800 strong, and on the
+following day only 96 men were able to draw rations. He became on the
+field a lieutenant, from being the youngest ensign; and alike in all
+circumstances he shone out as an honor to his profession. He had also
+been an especial favorite with John VI. of Portugal, and the high polish
+of a court was superadded to all the rest, without in the smallest
+degree changing the exceedingly playful, unaffected joyousness of the
+most sunshiny character I ever met with.
+
+Ten years' absence had produced the effect on my sisterly love that
+Burns describes:
+
+  "Time but th' impression stronger makes,
+  As streams their channels deeper wear."
+
+I had also many personal reasons for looking forward to his return with
+peculiar anxiety; and its uncertainty increased the feeling. I had been
+spending the day with a sick friend, and ran home at night to the
+lodging occupied by my mother and myself, and there I found my brother.
+What a dream those ten years' trials appeared!
+
+We remained but a short time in Clifton, and soon bent our way towards
+the metropolis, where he expected, as is usual, to dance a long and
+wearisome attendance on the Horse Guards, for a regimental appointment.
+He had refused that of aid-de-camp to king John, with any military rank
+and title that he might desire; preferring a half-pay unattached company
+in the British, to any thing that a foreign service could offer; but he
+was mistaken: his merits were well known to the Duke of York, and before
+he could well state to Sir Herbert Taylor his wishes, that estimable man
+told him he had only to select out of two or three regiments lately
+returned from foreign service, and he would be gazetted on the following
+Tuesday. He chose the 75th, and was immediately appointed to it, with
+leave to study for two years in the senior department of the Military
+college at Sandhurst, the better to qualify himself for a future staff
+situation.
+
+A sweet cottage, standing isolated on the verge of Bagshot-heath,
+sheltered by tall trees and opening on a beautiful lawn, with a distant
+but full view of the college, became our abode. A delightful room was
+selected for me, with an injunction to sit down and make the most of my
+time while he was in the halls of study, that I might be at leisure to
+walk, to ride, to garden, to farm with him--my brother--my restored
+brother, whose eye beamed protection, and whose smile diffused gladness,
+and whose society was what in our happy childhood it had ever been, just
+instead of all the world to me. If one thing was wanting, and wanting it
+was, to knit us in a tie more enduring than any of this world's bonds
+could possibly be, that very sense of want furnished a stimulus to more
+importunate prayer on his behalf. Some of the good people who for lack
+of a relay of ideas borrow one of their neighbors and ride it to death,
+treated me to a leaf from the book of Job's comforters, when the
+calamity fell on me of that precious brother's death, by telling me I
+had made an idol of him. It was equally false and foolish. An idol is
+something that either usurps God's place, or withdraws our thoughts and
+devotions from him. The very reverse of this was my case. I had an
+additional motive for continually seeking the Lord, not only in prayer
+for the enlightening influences of the Holy Spirit on behalf of one so
+dear, but also for grace to walk most circumspectly myself, lest I
+should cast any stumbling-block in his way, or give him occasion to
+suspect that my religious profession was a name, and not a reality. That
+was surely a profitable idol which kept me always prayerful before God,
+watchful over myself, diligent in the discharge of duties, and in
+continual thanksgiving for the mercies I had received. Do I repent
+loving my brother so well? I wish it had been possible to love him
+better. These warm affections of the heart are among the sweetest relics
+of a lost Eden, and I would sooner tear up the flowers that God has left
+to smile in our daily path through a sin-blighted wilderness, far sooner
+than I would cease to cherish, to foster, to delight in the brighter,
+sweeter flowers of domestic love, carried to the full extent of all its
+endearing capabilities.
+
+The Lord knoweth our frame; he deals with us not according to what we
+are not, but according to what we are. He sets before us various duties,
+and to the end that we may the better fulfil them, he gives us aids not
+contrary to, but accordant with our natural feelings. Men set up a
+standard, often a just and scriptural one, to which they sorrowfully
+confess that because of the weakness of their nature they cannot
+themselves attain; but according to which they sternly judge their
+neighbors. A person has a path assigned to him, a steep ascent strewed
+with thorns and crowded with obstacles, before which he often pauses and
+waxes faint. God gives him a companion for his way, even as he sent
+forth the disciples two and two, and the pilgrim is cheered. He quickens
+his pace; another besides himself will be benefited by his progress, and
+if he fails, another will suffer in his loss. So he goes on thankful,
+rejoicing, and endued with double energy for the toilsome achievement.
+But he sees a neighbor to whom the Lord has also granted help through
+human means, perhaps not exactly similar to that which he has received;
+he sees his neighbor likewise openly rejoicing in the possession of such
+a staff; and bringing him to the tests of that perfect law which
+requires an entire devotedness to and dependence on the Lord, he raises
+a cry of "mixed motives," "the arm of flesh," "idolatry," and so forth.
+No doubt he is so far right, that perverse humanity will ever abuse
+God's gifts, and often make them occasions of sin; but this outcry of
+the beam against the mote, which is so grievously prevalent in the
+religious world, is very unseemly. Oh, how infinitely more tender is the
+Lord to us than we to one another.
+
+Hitherto, many impediments had been thrown in the way of my literary
+labors. Anxiety, apprehension, and the restlessness of feeling resulting
+from a continual change of abode, had broken the train of thought, and
+rendered my work very uncertain. Indeed, it would often have been wholly
+inadequate to my support, but for the watchful kindness of friends whom
+the Lord raised up to me, foremost among whom always stood the estimable
+Mr. Sandford, who never ceased to regard me with paternal affection and
+care. To he wholly independent was the first earthly wish of my heart;
+and now a fair opportunity was given of testing my willingness to labor
+diligently. The result was so far, satisfactory, that in the course of
+the two years and two months of my residence under my brother's roof, I
+wrote the Rockite, the System, Izram, Consistency, Perseverance, Allen
+McLeod, Zadoc, and upwards of thirty little books and tracts, besides
+contributions to various periodicals. I was going on most prosperously,
+when an attempt was suddenly made from another quarter to establish a
+claim to the profits of my pen. The demand was probably legal, according
+to the strict letter of existing statutes, though circumstances would
+have weighed strongly in my favor. But it greatly reduced the value of
+my copyrights for the time being, and I found myself checked in my
+career at a juncture when it was especially my desire to go on steadily.
+This brought upon me two temptations, the force of which was greatly
+increased by the circumstances under which they found me.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER X.
+
+SANDHURST.
+
+
+When I first began to write, it was with a simple desire to instruct the
+poor in the blessed truths of the gospel. My own situation soon rendered
+it needful to turn the little talent I possessed to account. This I did,
+still keeping in view the grand object of promoting God's glory; and my
+attempts having been well received, I found a ready market for whatever
+I wrote, so that the name was considered a sufficient guarantee for the
+book. Now, I could no longer safely use that name, and anonymous writing
+became the only feasible plan. A friend, who did not look upon the main
+subject in the light that I did, made, through my brother, a proposal
+that I should become a contributor to the most popular magazine of the
+day, supplying tales, etc., the purport of which was to be as moral as I
+pleased, but with no direct mention of religion. The terms offered were
+very high: the strict _incognito_ to be preserved would secure me
+from any charge of inconsistency, and coming as it did when my regular
+source of income was suddenly closed, and when the idea of being
+burdensome to my generous brother with his increasing family was hardly
+supportable, it was thought I could not demur.
+
+Nevertheless, I did; the Lord in his gracious providence had said to me,
+"Go work to-day In my vineyard," and I had for upwards of four years
+enjoyed that blessed privilege. It was now withdrawn, certainly not
+without his permission; and how did I know that it was not to try my
+faith? The idea of hiring myself out to another master--to engage in the
+service of that world the friendship of which is enmity with God--to
+cause the Holy One of Israel to cease from before those whom by the pen
+I addressed--to refrain from setting forth Jesus Christ and him
+crucified to a perishing world, and give the reins to an imagination
+ever prone to wander after folly and romance, but now subdued to a
+better rule--all this was so contrary to my views of Christian
+principle, that, after much earnest prayer to God, I decided rather to
+work gratuitously in the good cause, trusting to Him who knew all my
+necessity, than to entangle myself with things on which I could not ask
+a blessing. The conflict was indeed severe; no one attempted to oppose
+my resolve; but as yet no one could at all understand its real ground;
+and it was a very trying position in which I stood, thus seemingly
+spurning an honorable means of independence and leaving myself
+destitute. But the trial was short: my first friends, the Christian
+"Dublin Tract Society," exercising that faith which has distinguished
+all their acts, determined to brave the consequences, and still publish
+my little books. This, though, the profit was not then very good, I
+hailed as a gracious intimation of the Lord's purpose still to continue
+me in his service; and I was the more strengthened to meet the second
+trial, which coming at a time when the sum proffered would he doubly
+acceptable, and the refusal involving the loss of a very old and kind
+friend, was rather a sharp one; more especially as the offence given
+would and did alienate him from others who had no share in the
+proceeding, and whose interests were far dearer to me than my own.
+
+Many years before, that friend had published a novel: not a flimsy love-
+story, but of a class above the common run. I had, as a girl, been very
+fond of it, and often delighted the amiable author by expressing an
+admiration that was not general; for the work had failed, and was
+unsold. Now, finding I had been myself successful with the pen, and
+full, even, in old age, of natural love for his literary offspring, he
+had formed a plan, in which he never dreamed of encountering opposition.
+He wished me to rewrite it, to cast the characters anew, enliven the
+style, add variety to the incidents, and, in short, make a new work out
+of his materials. Still it was to be a novel; and as it had been
+originally published in his name, it was to be so now. My share in the
+work would never be known; and as he was abundantly wealthy, and equally
+generous, a _carte blanche_ as to terms was before me.
+
+On the former occasion I had paused, and thought much: on this I did
+not. The path was plain before me, but dreadfully painful to pursue. A
+hundred pounds just then would have been more to me than a thousand at
+another time; and private feeling was most distressingly involved, both
+as regarded myself and others. It was in an agony of prayer, and after
+many bitter tears, that I brought myself to do what, nevertheless, I had
+not a wish to leave undone. I wrote a faithful letter to the friend in
+question, most unequivocally stating the ground of my refusal--the
+responsibility under which I conceived we all lay before God for the
+application of talents committed by him; the evils of novel-reading;
+and, as far as I could, I declared the whole gospel of Christ to one
+whom I had no reason to consider as taking any thought whatever for his
+soul. I heard no more from him to the day of his death, which took place
+ten years after. I had reason to believe that his intentions towards me
+were very liberal in the final distribution of his property; for he had
+known and loved me from my cradle, and he had no family; but my
+conscience bore a happy testimony in the matter; and I am fully
+persuaded that the whole was a snare of Satan to betray me into an
+acceptance of unhallowed gains, by catering to the worldly tastes of
+those who forget God. No doubt, the business would have been a
+profitable one, and the inducement to persevere made strong in
+proportion as I sacrificed principle to lucre. "All these things will I
+give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me." I should neither do
+justice to the Lord's rich goodness nor to the honored instrument of his
+bounty if I omitted to add, that, shortly after, my munificent friend
+Mr. Sandford sent me a gift that left me no loser by having done my
+duty.
+
+While on the subject of my books, I will record an incident that
+occurred about the same time, and on which I always look with feelings
+of indescribable delight. I did not know it until, some years
+afterwards, the story was related to me by the principal actor in it--
+the abetter of my heretical pravity. Little did I dream, when writing my
+humble penny books, that they would be advanced to the high honor of a
+place in the Papal Index Expurgatorius.
+
+The lady in question took to the continent a sweet, only daughter: a
+lovely little girl of ten years old, the joy of her widowed bosom, who
+was fast sinking in decline. I was exceedingly fond of that child, who
+returned my affection from the depths of an Irish heart; and who, out of
+love for its author, selected one of my small penny books to translate
+into Italian during her last stage of suffering. She did not live to
+complete it; but with her dying breath requested her mother to do so, in
+the earnest hope of its being made useful to the ignorant people around
+them. Bessie was a lamb of the Lord's fold; and to lead other children
+into the same blessed shelter was her heart's desire. As soon as the
+bereaved mother could make any exertion, she betook herself to the task
+assigned by her departed darling, and found such satisfaction in it that
+she extended her labors, and translated several more. Being a lady of
+rank and affluence, she was enabled to carry it on to publication, and
+to insure the circulation of the little books among many. One of them,
+"The Simple Flower," a sixpenny book, thus translated, fell into the
+hands of an Italian physician, a man of highly cultivated mind;
+nominally a Romanist; and like all thinking Romanists, in reality an
+infidel. The book contains not a word on controversy; not an allusion to
+Popery--it is plain gospel truth, conveyed in a very simple narrative.
+God blessed it to this gentleman, and he became a Christian. The
+circumstance excited much remark: curiosity led many to read that and
+others of the series, and a great number were circulated in the
+neighboring districts. This was actually within the papal states, under
+the jurisdiction of the archbishop of Sienna, to whose knowledge came
+the astounding fact that pennyworths of heresy were circulated within
+the range of his pastoral charge: the matter was reported at head-
+quarters, taken up with due seriousness, and a Sunday appointed, on
+which, no doubt, I was quietly worshipping in the college chapel at
+Sandhurst, wholly unconscious that my name was then being proclaimed at
+a hundred Italian altars, with a denunciation against all who should
+read, circulate, or possess any book, tract, or treatise penned by me.
+One instance was particularized: a poor priest had himself given numbers
+of these translations to his flock; and after mass, he stood before them
+deeply moved, telling them he had a painful duty to perform. That he had
+received from the highest authority a command to proclaim what he held
+in his hand, and which he proceeded to read to them--a copy of the
+fulmination above-mentioned. Having done so he folded the paper, and
+resumed, saying he had given and recommended the little books to them,
+because he had read them himself and found nothing but what was good in
+them: however, the church, which they were all bound to obey, judged
+otherwise; "and now." he added, "you must bring them back to me, or burn
+them, or in some other way destroy them wholly: nevertheless, I declare
+in the sight of God I found no evil in those dear little books, but the
+contrary--they are full of good." He burst into tears, and many wept
+with him; and not a few of the proscribed productions were wrapped up
+and buried in the earth, or otherwise put away till the search should be
+over. Who knows but that very priest was led to the Bible and to Christ
+through such humble means? I would not exchange for the value of the ten
+kingdoms ten times trebled, the joy that I feel in this high honor put
+upon me--this rich blessing of being under the papal curse. * * *
+
+With what fondness does memory linger over those delightful days of
+sojourn under the sheltering roof of my brother, so soon, to be for ever
+parted in this world. Another boy had been added to our happy little
+circle, and Jack's warm heart seemed to receive an accession of love,
+that he might have it to bestow on the "beautiful baby small," which
+claimed so much of his thoughts and prayers. Indeed, his thoughts were
+always prayers, for God was in all. He made but little progress in
+language, having a great dislike to learning beyond what was needful for
+communicating his thoughts to me, and as he was then obliged to be more
+with servants than I liked, I was not anxious to extend his facilities
+of communicating with them; nor did he at all desire their society. He
+had a little room of his own, to his great delight, over the coach-
+house; and when not employed in his work, or talking with me, he was
+most happy with the pencil. He gave a strong and beautiful proof of the
+dread with which God inspired him as to ensnaring company; and I cannot
+pass it over.
+
+My brother declared his intention of keeping a horse, and of course a
+groom. Jack came to me with an earnest entreaty that he might be the
+groom, saying he could do it so well. The reason he gave to me,
+confidentially, was, that men were very wicked; that the man-servant
+would often shake hands with the devil--his usual mode of expressing
+wilful sin--and that if Jack shook hands with him, he would some day
+draw his hand till he got it into the devil's; meaning, that an evil
+companion would by degrees induce him to become evil too. He also said,
+Captain B---- was very kind to Mam, and that a servant would cost him
+money, and eat a great deal; but Jack would take no money, and only eat
+"small potato, small meat," because he loved Captain B----. When I
+communicated the request to my brother he laughed, saying such a boy
+could never groom a horse; but Jack had been privately to a kind friend
+of his, a retired non-commissioned officer of cavalry, who had the care
+of some horses, and got him to give him instruction, succeeding so well
+in his attempt that the serjeant told my brother he really thought him
+competent to the office. He consented to try; and having purchased his
+horse, tied him up at the stable-door for Jack to commence operations,
+while we all assembled to see him. I was apprehensive of a total
+failure, but he did it admirably, and my brother declared he only wanted
+a few inches in height to be one of the best grooms in the kingdom.
+Jack's exultation was very great. When we were alone, he went up to the
+horse, kissed it, and after telling me how pleased he saw his master
+look, he added, "No man; all one Jack. Devil cry--go, devil!" and
+snapped his fingers at the invisible enemy.
+
+His greatest security next to his love of God was his constant fear of
+Satan. Yet it was rather a fear of himself, lest he should yield to his
+temptations, for he was perfectly aware Satan would not force him to do
+any thing. Hence his extreme caution as to what associates he had, and a
+reserve with those whom he did not know to be Christians, which was
+sometimes mistaken for pride. He invariably asked me, of every person
+who came to the house, whether that person loved Jesus Christ; and if I
+could not give a positive answer in the affirmative, he stood aloof,
+always most courteous, but perfectly cold, and even dignified in
+repelling any advance to sociability beyond common politeness. He did
+not know the meaning of a single bad word, and God kept him so that the
+wicked one touched him not. I used every means, of course, to this end.
+I watched him most narrowly, and always interposed if he was required to
+do any thing, or to go to any place, in which I apprehended danger. My
+vigilance extorted smiles from those who considered it must all be in
+vain when he grew a little older; but no obstacle was placed in my way;
+and I bless God I never relaxed that care, nor did the boy ever depart
+from his holy caution; and he died at the age of nineteen, a very tall
+and fine-looking young man, with the mind of a little babe as regards
+the evil that is in the world. Oh that parents knew the importance of
+thus watching over their boys.
+
+Soon after the first horse was established in his stall, my brother
+purchased a second for my riding, saying he should now, of course, get
+an assistant in the stable; but Jack burst into tears, and himself
+pleaded with him for leave to do all. My brother greatly delighted in
+his broken language, and caught exactly his phraseology, so that they
+conversed together as well as with me; and he told me he could not stand
+Jack's entreaties. "He is a fine little fellow," said he, "and if you
+will watch and see that he is not overexerting himself, he may try for a
+while: he will soon be tired." But far from it; Jack was proud of his
+two horses; and none in the place were better kept. When a cow was
+added, a young person came to milk her; but Jack was outrageous, talked
+of his mother's "Kilkenny cows," and "cow's baby," and expressed such
+sovereign contempt for the stranger's performance, and such downright
+hostility against the intruder, that we had no peace till he got the cow
+also under his especial care. Often afterwards did he talk of that time,
+saying he was "well Jack," when he had two horses and a cow, and almost
+crying over his loss. He grew rapidly, and the doctors told me that such
+a life would have kept him strong to any age.
+
+One day he came and asked me to let him have a large hoop, to make him
+go faster on messages. I thought it childish, and did not regard it; so
+he went to my brother with the same request, who inquired his reason.
+Jack told him the stage-coaches that passed our gate went very fast,
+because the four horses had four large hoops, meaning the wheels, and if
+he had a large hoop he could go as fast as the horses. Diverted beyond
+measure at such an original idea, my brother sent to Reading for the
+largest and best hoop that could be got; and many a laugh we had at
+seeing Jack racing beside the London coaches with his wheel, nodding
+defiance at the horses, and shouting aloud with glee. He often went six
+miles with his wheel, to bear messages and notes to our valued and much-
+loved friend General Orde, whom he idolized almost, and who looked on
+him as one of the most lovely instances of divine grace he had ever met
+with. On the first formation of the British Reformation Society, General
+Orde wrote to me, with a prospectus of the intended work. I told it to
+Jack, who in rapturous delight gave me his whole worldly fortune of two
+shillings, bidding me give it to put it in their pockets, and to bid
+good General Orde tell gentlemen to send much Bibles to Kilkenny, that
+his father and mother and all the poor people might learn to break the
+crucifixes, and love Jesus Christ. I wrote this to the general, who sent
+to me for the identical two shillings, which Mr. Noel produced on the
+platform, with the dumb boy's message, and I believe it drew many a
+piece of gold from the purses of those who saw the gift, which stands
+enrolled the very first in the accounts of that noble society's
+receipts. Jack often prayed for the Reformation Society, and I believe
+his blessing helped them not a little; there was so much faith in all
+that he did, such as God alone could give, and he never seemed to
+entertain a doubt of obtaining what he asked. Many a sweet instance of
+his childlike confidence in the Lord is engraven on my memory, at once
+to stimulate and to shame me. His whole experience seemed to be an
+illustration of the word of promise, "Ask, and ye shall receive."
+
+One of the things that struck me as being referable to nothing but the
+teaching of the Holy Spirit, was the interest manifested by this boy for
+the Jews. His active Protestantism was easily accounted for; but to give
+him an idea of Judaism would have been impossible. He could not read.
+His knowledge of language did not go far enough to enable him to
+understand the construction of a sentence; and though he spelled
+correctly, and wrote readily whatever he wished to say, and his mode of
+expression was generally quite intelligible to others, he did not
+comprehend what was spoken or written in the ordinary way. Accustomed to
+attach a distinct meaning to every word, and acquainted with very few
+besides nouns and a few verbs, which he only used in the present tense,
+independent of the pronouns, and without reference to number, he was
+quite lost among the other parts of speech. For instance, if I had
+wanted to say, "You must go to the village and buy me a small loaf of
+bread," I should have expressed it thus: "Jack, go village, money, bread
+small, one." Grammatically expressed, the order would have been
+unintelligible to him: but few would have misunderstood it in the
+uncouth phrase last instanced. He would have gone to the shop, and
+writing down, "Bread small, one," would have held out the money, and
+made a sign to express what size he wanted. It was this very fact of the
+impossibility of conveying to his mind any clear notion of things
+invisible and spiritual, that so gloriously manifested the power and
+goodness of God in causing the light to shine into his heart. To a
+reader who never witnessed the attempts of an intelligent, half-taught
+deaf mute to express his meaning and to catch that of others, much of
+what I state respecting Jack may and must appear, if not incredible, at
+least unintelligible; yet none who ever saw and conversed with him would
+fail to substantiate it, and they were very many. That zealous
+missionary, Dr. Wolff, visited my brother's cottage when he and I were
+both absent, and no one could assist Jack in conversing with him; yet so
+great was his delight, that he wanted to take him to Palestine, to
+instruct the deaf and dumb in the doctrine of Christ. The Rev. H. H.
+Beamish is another who cannot, without emotion, recall his intercourse
+with that dying Christian. General Orde, who saw him very frequently,
+regarded him as a wonder of divine grace; and the Rev. W. Hancock, his
+beloved pastor, who for four years observed him closely, often said he
+derived greater encouragement from the experience and the prayers of
+that poor boy, than from almost any other earthly source. Unbelievers
+will doubt; but those who know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ will
+adore.
+
+Still it will be evident that Jack could not read the Bible. He took
+great delight in copying it out, dwelling on such words as he knew; but
+I have seen him turn over two leaves and go on wholly unconscious, of
+any mistake: and I have found among his papers whole pages, composed of
+half sentences and single epithets from Scripture, put together in
+unbroken paragraphs, without any meaning. With all this, he was ardently
+attached to the Jewish cause, and always told me "Jesus Christ love poor
+Jew; Jew soon love Jesus Christ." When speaking of them, he would look
+very tender and sorrowful, moving his head slowly from side to side, and
+his hand as if stroking some object in a caressing way. At such times it
+was curious to mark the effect of naming a "priest Roman" to him. In a
+moment his aspect changed to something ludicrously repulsive: he stuck
+his hands in his sides, puffed out his cheeks to their full extent,
+scowled till his brows overhung his eyelids, and generally finished by
+appearing to seize a goblet and drain off the contents to the last drop,
+inflating his body, stroking it, smacking his lips, and strutting about.
+This he did, not as imputing drunkenness to the priesthood, but their
+denying the cup to the laity, and swallowing the contents themselves.
+Though his acting was laughably comic, his feeling was that of serious
+and severe indignation; and he would reprove us for the laughter it was
+utterly impossible to restrain, saying, with triumphant confidence, "God
+see." * * *
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XI.
+
+SEPARATION.
+
+
+The two shortest years of my life were now drawing to a close. My
+brother had completed his studies, passed his examination, and was under
+orders to join his regiment in Ireland. Oh how my heart rose in prayer,
+that where I had found a spiritual blessing he also might receive it. I
+could not understand the state of his mind on the most vital of all
+points: he had imbibed a prejudice so strong against the class of people
+called evangelical, that nothing but his generous affection for us would
+have induced him to receive under his roof two of that proscribed body,
+to say nothing of Jack. He confessed to me, laughing, not long after we
+became his inmates, that he supposed we should be falling on our knees
+half a dozen times a day, singing psalms all over the house, and setting
+our faces against every thing merry or cheerful. He had never been
+acquainted with any serious person before going to Portugal, nor during
+his short leaves of absence at home: none of that class ever crossed his
+path abroad, and he came home prepared to believe any thing that was
+told him of the supposed fanatics, whom he understood to be a sort of
+ranting dissenters. At Clifton, extremes then ran far; the gay people
+most violently denouncing their sober neighbors, and making up all sorts
+of scandal concerning them. Hannah More was pointed out as "queen of the
+Methodists," and a most infamous lie, wholly destructive of her moral
+character, circulated among a narrow but dissipated clique as a known
+fact; while the small fry of fanatics were disposed of by dozens in a
+similar way. The faithful clergyman, whose ministry we attended, was
+absolutely persecuted; and his congregation could expect no better at
+the same hands. I am very far from charging this upon the generality of
+even worldly people there; but it did exist, visibly and sensibly; and
+my dear brother evidently had fallen in with some of these wholesale
+calumniators, before he could possibly judge for himself. A visit to
+Barley Wood, and a very prolonged interview with the "queen," greatly
+staggered his prejudices; he was perfectly charmed with her, and
+remarked to me that if all her subjects were like her, they must be a
+very agreeable set of people. Still he apprehended an outbreak of
+extravagance when we should be fairly installed in his abode; and though
+he soon became undeceived, and learned to take the greatest delight in
+the society of General Orde, Mr. Sandford, and others equally decided;
+though he punctually attended the faithful ministry of Mr. Hancock at
+the college chapel, besides his regular appearance at the usual military
+service, and would not allow one disparaging word to be uttered in his
+presence of that zealous preacher or his deeply spiritual discourses;
+though he chose from among his brother officers a bold, uncompromising
+Christian as his most intimate associate, and gave many unconscious
+indications that he had received the doctrine of man's total corruption,
+and the nothingness of his best works; though he became the warm
+advocate of a scriptural education for the youthful poor, whom he had
+always before considered most safe and happy in total ignorance--still,
+with all this, I could not see even in his beautiful devout bearing in
+public worship where the reverse so sadly prevailed, and where every
+thing approaching to seriousness became a matter of suspicion, that he
+was really seeking God. In fact, I had been too much in the trammels of
+a system which lays down arbitrary rules, and will not admit that God is
+working unless his hand be immediately and openly apparent to all. I
+would not believe that what looked green and beautiful was a blade of
+corn, just because it had not yet grown to an ear: and I refrained from
+speaking when perhaps speech on such subjects would have been more
+welcome than he wished to acknowledge, lest the remarks that I longed to
+utter might prove unpalatable, and produce the contrary effect to what I
+desired. He was only going for a little while: an appointment on the
+home-staff was promised, and then I was to live with him again, and I
+would zealously pursue the work. Alas, what a rod was prepared for my
+unbelief and presumption! The present was slighted, in the confident
+expectation of a future that was never to arrive.
+
+We were almost always together out of his college hours. My window
+commanded a view of the distant building, and when I saw the preparatory
+movement to breaking up, I rose from my desk, tied on my bonnet, and ran
+off in sufficient time to meet him very near the college. Both let loose
+from six hours' hard work, we were like children out of school, often
+racing and laughing with all the buoyancy of our natural high spirits.
+The garden, the poultry-yard, and all the little minutiae of our nice
+farming establishment, fully occupied the afternoon, while the children
+gambolled round, and Jack looked on with smiles, often telling me how
+much he loved "beautiful Captain B----," as he constantly called him. At
+ten o'clock we parted for the night, I to resume the pen till long after
+midnight; he to rest, whence he always rose at four o'clock, devoting
+four or five hours to study before we met in the morning. We visited
+very little, domestic retirement being the free choice of every one of
+us; and nothing could have induced my brother to banish his children
+from the parlor or drawing-room. Few things excited his indignation more
+than the nursery system: his little ones were the pride of his heart,
+the delight of his eyes, the objects of his fondest care. He often said
+he intended his boys to be gentlemen, and therefore would not allow them
+to imbibe the tastes and habits of the kitchen. The consequence is that
+his boys are gentlemen.
+
+Thus dwelling in love, united in every plan and pursuit, our time fairly
+divided between diligent work and healthful recreation amid the delights
+of rural life, do you marvel that I call this period my two shortest
+years? Had no previous circumstances given tenfold brilliancy to these
+lights by casting a depth of black shadow behind them, or no menacing
+future hung over the present enjoyment, still there was enough to make
+it indeed an oasis; but it was more. I cannot doubt that the Lord
+mercifully gave me a foreboding of what was to come, in the intolerable
+anguish of what seemed to be but a very short parting, with a delightful
+prospect of renewed domestic comfort just beyond. Yet so it was: I
+almost died under the trial of that farewell; and for three weeks
+before, and as long after, I never had a night's rest. Visions of terror
+were constantly before me, among which a scene of drowning was so
+perpetually recurring that I have often started from my bed under the
+vivid impression. This was the more strange because we had always been
+so fearlessly fond of the water: in our early days we had a little boat,
+just big enough for him to row and me to steer, in which we used to take
+excursions on the river Wensum, and never thought of danger. At
+Sandhurst too we were frequently upon the lake, and had both become
+familiarized with ocean, until of all perils those of the water were
+least likely to daunt me, either for myself or him: yet in most imminent
+peril we had once been placed; and at this time it would recur to my
+memory with tormenting frequency.
+
+I was about seven years old, and he though younger was much the larger
+of the two, a stout hearty boy, and I a very frail delicate little
+creature, thanks to the doctors and their pet drug. Our parents went out
+for a day's excursion with a friend, and of course we accompanied them.
+The place was one celebrated for good fishing, and the gentlemen having
+enjoyed a long morning's sport, remained in the house with my mother,
+sending us out to play. We had strict charge not to go too near the
+water, nor on any account to get into a boat, of which there were
+several on the river. We strolled about, and at last came to the brink
+of this river, to admire a barge or wherry which lay close to the little
+pier; for it was a public ferry, and the depth very great. A small boat
+just by attracted my brother's attention, who wished to get into it,
+until I reminded him of the prohibition, when he said, "I wont get into
+it, Char., but I will sit down here and put my two feet in the little
+boat." He did so: the boat moved, and in his alarm trying to rise, he
+fell and disappeared.
+
+I perfectly remember the scene; I have also heard it described many a
+time by others, but I cannot understand how it was that I, stooping from
+the shore, with nothing to hold on by way of support, seized the little
+fellow by the collar as he rose, and firmly held him in my grasp. He did
+not struggle, but looked up in my face, and I down in his, and as I felt
+my puny strength rapidly failing, the resolution was firm on my mind to
+be drawn in and perish with him. There was not a question about it; I
+can recall the very thought, as though it was of yesterday, and I am
+positively certain that I should have tightened my hold in proportion as
+the case became more desperate. It pleased God that, just then, some men
+returning from work descried the figure of a little child stooping in a
+most dangerous position over the deep water: they ran up, and while one
+held me the other rescued the boy. My grasp was not unloosed until they
+had him safe on shore: he was then insensible, and I lost every
+recollection until I found myself still in the arms of the man who had
+carried me in, while my mother and the rest were stripping the rescued
+boy and chafing his limbs before a fire. It was much talked of, and many
+a caress I got for what they considered heroism beyond my years; but
+what heroism is like love? "Many waters cannot quench love, neither can
+the floods drown it; if a man would give all the substance of his house
+for love, it would utterly be contemned."
+
+When my brother departed for Ireland, we left that sweet cottage and
+went to reside in the village, in one better suited to the size of our
+diminished family party. I had several young friends among the cadets,
+in whom I took a warm interest, and whose occasional visits I endeavored
+to make as profitable to them as might be. It is a sad thing to see a
+boy, perhaps most carefully brought up by tender, and even Christian
+parents, watched and kept as far as possible from all evil
+communication, then thrown at once into a large public institution, and
+exposed to every danger that can assail the youthful mind. A little
+insight into human nature must show any candid person the extent of
+mischief to be expected. Rarely do we find a case of conversion, with
+establishment in grace, very early in life; and where it exists as
+remarkably as in Jack, we may learn from his excessive dread of exposure
+to temptation how vigilantly the young plant should be guarded. Let us
+just suppose, what is indeed no sketch of imagination, but a slight
+sketch of acknowledged reality--let us suppose a boy at the age when
+they are eligible for those places, acquainted with the truth,
+accustomed to Christian instruction, taught to look into the word of God
+for daily direction, and to seek in prayer the daily supply of needful
+grace: consider him as having remained under the eye of Christian
+parents, or a schoolmaster who regards those committed to his care as
+immortal beings, for whose well-doing while under his charge he is
+responsible to God, and who therefore counsels them well, and banishes
+to the utmost of his power, vice and profaneness from among them;
+affording them the usual domestic means of grace, and seeing that they
+are not neglected:--thus prepared, the lad enters upon a new scene,
+where he finds himself surrounded by a large number of youthful
+companions, all busy in qualifying themselves for a future career, we
+will say in the service of their country. The first thing done is to try
+the mettle of the new comer by putting upon him some insult, which if he
+resents and offers to fight his way, he may be looked on with some
+respect; but if he appear timid, or reluctant to retaliate, he may be
+assured of becoming the object of a most harassing persecution for the
+amusement of the thoughtless and the gratification of the cruel. In
+either case, he passes an ordeal of great severity, particularly during
+the night, when nothing is deemed too rough or alarming for the poor
+stranger to encounter. I appeal to those who have passed it, whether
+this is not enough to turn the brain of a weak-minded youth, or to
+injure severely the body of a delicate one: I have myself known an
+instance, in a great public seminary, wherein derangement and death
+followed.
+
+Supposing this well got over, the lad then finds that if there be any
+among his new comrades disposed to keep up the practice of reading the
+Scriptures and praying, they must do it as secretly as they would commit
+a murder, and find it more difficult to accomplish than any crime that
+could be named. There always will be a large proportion of ruffianly
+characters among many boys; some naturally so, others made so by
+example. These have the ascendency of course, and they will use it to
+check and to stifle whatever might shine in contrast to themselves;
+while, what with those unstable characters who always row with the
+stream, and prudent ones who will not provoke hostility, and timid ones
+who dare not, they meet with little if any opposition, but rule the
+whole mass for evil. The youth, we will believe, sincerely desires to
+preserve his integrity; but what can he do? Man in his best estate is a
+frail, inconsistent being, liable to be blown about by every breath of
+temptation, even when unfettered, and in full possession of all gospel
+privileges; and what are we to expect from a boy who has never yet been
+left to himself, or deprived of countenance and support? He sees none
+watching over him, he hears no kind admonitory voice inviting him to
+seek the way of peace and purity. His nature is corrupt, his heart is
+deceitful, his soul cleaves to the dust, and he finds that by following
+the bent of this perverse nature, by gratifying its lowest propensities,
+and revelling in unhallowed things, he shall best purchase the good-
+fellowship of those who have it in their power to make his life
+miserable if he thwarts their will. His conscience loudly protests, and
+calls on him to pray; but if he would do so, where is he to retire for
+that purpose? Alone he cannot be; he has no separate apartment, and let
+those who have tried it say what would be the consequence of his
+kneeling down publicly to worship God. He may do it silently and
+undiscovered in his bed; yes, if he can lift up his heart, and realize
+the presence of the God of heaven, while the language of hell resounds
+on every side. Even so, he has an enemy within, striving against the
+right principle, and responding to all that his better feeling
+repudiates. Then, too, wherewithal shall the young man cleanse his way,
+if not by ruling himself according to the word of God? And how is he to
+study that word? Does the parent who puts a Bible in his boy's
+portmanteau know that the most blasphemous tissue of ribaldry and all
+abomination, would be a more suitable gift, if it is intended that he
+should exhibit it? These are awful questions, to be well considered by
+those who are wavering as to the destination of a youth; and they apply
+very widely throughout the land.
+
+We all know the case of him whose heart has been swept and garnished;
+and how much the last state is worse than the first, when Satan reënters
+with his seven new companions. The very checks of conscience render the
+fretted mind more restive; and the longer restrained, the more headlong
+is the wild gallop into which the chafed spirit at last breaks. He who
+trembled at a profane word, becomes an accomplished swearer; he whose
+modesty was most retiring is foremost to glory in early depravity; he
+whose hand was ever ready to relieve the poor, while his heart
+sympathized in their sorrows, becomes the wanton spoiler and marauder
+for the sake of a bold vaunt; he who shrunk from the approach of
+profligate misleaders, now volunteers to harden new comers in the ways
+of sin. The youth who with noiseless step trod the courts of the Lord's
+house, and bent with lowly reverence in prayer, and listened with fixed
+attention to the teacher's voice, now delights in shaming others out of
+the semblance of devotion, and feigns, if he does not fall into it, the
+profound sleep of a wholly uninterested actor in the tedious show of
+public worship. Perchance some friend whose proximity to the place
+admits of it may stretch out a helping hand, or lift an admonitory
+voice, or proffer a little encouragement to strengthen the things that
+remain, and which are ready to die: if so, both the helper and the
+helped will be marked out for ridicule and reviling, if for nothing
+worse.
+
+Honorable men, after this world's course, who are themselves wholly in
+the dark, verily believing that religion would turn a youth's brain and
+unfit him for the active business of life, will feel it a part of their
+duty to oppose every possible obstacle to such attempts at reclaiming
+the young wanderers under their charge. I knew, and knew right well, an
+instance wherein a lady who strove to do good to the souls of some young
+lads whose parents she knew to be praying people, had a sort of ban put
+upon her, by the publication of an express order that they should not be
+again permitted to visit her; and when a nobleman who well knew that she
+had not done any thing to merit such public condemnation, asked the
+principal of the institution the reason for so harsh a proceeding, he
+received this answer: "My lord, I was sorry to do it; I felt it a
+painful duty, but an imperative one. The fact is, she got hold of some
+of the most promising lads under my care, and so infected them with her
+own gloomy notions that, I give you my word, they were seen walking
+alone, with Bibles in their hands." So much wiser are the children of
+this world in guarding those committed to them from the entrance of
+spiritual good, than are the children of light in protecting their
+dearest treasures from the contamination of most deadly evil.
+
+But to return to my cadets at Sandhurst. I had two young friends there,
+both Irish, who were known to me from childhood; both greatly attached
+to my brother; both loving me dearly; and many a happy hour we passed,
+strolling over the wild heath, or enjoying the cheerfulness of my
+cottage home. On those two, among many, I looked with especial
+solicitude as to their future course; and I have had to rejoice, in
+different ways, over them both. One was early taken to his rest; he died
+in the faith, looking simply to the Lord Jesus, and finding perfect
+peace in him. The other was long away on foreign service, and when next
+I saw him it was as the deliverer, under God, of a whole town, and
+probably through that of the whole kingdom, from a scene of
+revolutionary carnage. He commanded the gallant little body of troops at
+Newport who, on the 4th of November, 1839, quelled the Chartist
+insurrection, and broke the formidable power that menaced a general
+outbreak. I cannot pass over this event, it was so delightfully
+gratifying to me.
+
+A third of those in whom I took a lively interest was Alexander Count
+Calharez, the eldest son of the Duc de Palmella. He was a most elegant
+youth, of fine mind, delicate feelings, and the sweetest manners
+possible. Devotedly attached to Romanism, he constantly attended mass at
+the house of the old abbé, who added to his professorship in the Royal
+Military College the duties of a Popish priest. It was a sore grief to
+me to see Calharez pursuing his solitary way to that house, while we
+took the road to the college chapel, and met him half-way. I longed to
+enter a solemn protest against his delusion, but I never did it in
+direct terms, though very often dwelling, in his presence, on the
+peculiar truths of Christianity, opposed as they are to the lie in which
+he trusted. I hoped to have enjoyed many future opportunities of
+conversing with him, for he always sought our society in preference to
+many things that appeared more attractive, and took a lively interest in
+Jack. But the college did not suit his taste; he left it soon and
+accompanied his father to Portugal. He died at the Azores; and I have
+been told that his hope at the last was one which maketh not ashamed. He
+was the subject of many prayers; the last day will tell whether they
+were answered.
+
+But I cannot hasten through the heaviest part of my task; it is the
+rending open of a wound never to heal until the leaves of the tree of
+life shall be laid upon it; and if by any means I do attain to that
+resurrection from among the dead in which none but the Lord's children
+shall partake, surely the dear object of all this sorrow will be there
+beside me.
+
+Six months had passed since my brother's departure to Ireland, and all
+his letters were full of cheerfulness and pleasant anticipation. On the
+subject where I most wished to know his feelings, he was silent; but a
+passage in one of his letters struck me greatly. I had been suffering
+from a slight local pain, which one of my medical friends erroneously
+pronounced to be a disease of the heart; and in communicating this to
+him I had noticed, that I must live in momentary expectation of sudden
+death. His reply was very affectionate. He said it had given him a great
+shock, but on a little reflection he was convinced of its being
+altogether a nervous sensation; adding, "If not, why should you shrink
+from sudden death? For my own part, I should desire it, as a short and
+easy passage out of this life." A tremor came over me as I read these
+words; but again I thought, "Surely there is something on his mind to
+brighten that passage, or he would not so express himself;" and the
+thought of many perils surrounding him quickened me to redoubled prayer
+that God would set his feet upon the Rock of ages.
+
+It was on a bright Sabbath morning at the end of June, that having
+rather overslept myself, I found, on awaking, the letters brought by
+early post lying on my pillow. I took one: it was the Horse Guards
+envelope, in which his letters usually came; and in my eagerness to open
+one from him, I did not even put up a prayer. Full of smiling
+anticipation, I unfolded the enclosure, which was from a most dear and
+valued friend at the Horse Guards; and after some tender preparation,
+which the sudden reeling of my terrified brain prevented my
+comprehending, came the paralyzing sequel: A letter had been received
+from Mullingar--he was on the lake fishing--the boat overset. I could
+not understand the meaning of the words; but I understood the thing
+itself.
+
+I sprung to my knees to cry for mercy on him--but Oh, that dreadful,
+dreadful thought that pierced through my inmost soul--"He is beyond the
+reach of prayer." I fell back as if really shot. But what avails it to
+dwell on this? I bore it as God enabled me; I felt crushed, annihilated
+as it were, under the fierce wrath of the Lord; for to aggravate the
+blow, I had no power to believe or to hope. It was a light thing to have
+lost him, my all in this cold, dreary world, who from early infancy had
+been as the light to my eyes, and the life-blood to my heart--him who
+had so very lately been restored, as if to show that while he remained
+all I could desire of earthly happiness was within my reach--him who had
+been to me instead of every other mortal blessing, and to whom I looked
+for all that I dared hope of future comfort. It was a light thing to
+have lost him, and to look upon the anguish of his widowed mother, to
+whom he had ever been more of a ministering angel than a son, and upon
+the tears of his little daughter, who had lost a father indeed. All this
+was a small matter compared with the overwhelming horrors of that
+fearful thought, that _he_ had lost his soul.
+
+I had fallen much into the common, dangerous error of looking to my own
+faith rather than to the object of it for salvation; and I did in my
+heart, exceedingly glory in this supposed faith of mine. The dreadful
+dispensation under which I was laid showed me at once, that of faith I
+had not to the value of a grain of mustard-seed; and now I felt the
+desolation of spirit which none can know who have not been so compelled
+to make such a discovery. I did not rebel; I owned the justice of God:
+nay, the very first words I could find breath to utter broke forth in
+the confession, "Righteous art thou, O Lord; just and true are thy ways,
+O King of saints!" But it was a fearful trembling beneath the hand that
+had smote me; and as for being contented to have it so, I was not: I do
+not wish that I had been contented to believe my brother was lost; I do
+not understand that feeling, nor wish to understand it; for surely while
+we remain in the flesh, we cannot divest ourselves of what God has
+interwoven with our very nature, nor cease to feel for the spiritual,
+the eternal interests of those most fondly endeared to us--a solicitude
+as great, aye, much greater, than what we, in our unconverted state,
+once knew in regard to their temporal concerns. I speak of those
+instances where, after being ourselves brought to know the Lord, we have
+labored and prayed perseveringly for others, and then have suddenly lost
+them. I was not content to think that my prayers had been cast out: I
+wanted some token that they had been answered. Blessed be the God of all
+mercies, I was not disappointed. * * *
+
+Meanwhile, what a tenfold recompense for all the care bestowed on him
+did I reap in the beautiful sympathy of the dumb boy. When I came down
+stairs that dreadful morning, he met me with a face of such wild dismay
+as even then arrested my attention. He uttered an audible "Oh!" of most
+touching tone, and thus expressed the impossibility he felt of realizing
+the tidings: "Jack _what_? Jack asleep? Jack see, no--think, no.
+Jack afraid, very. Beautiful Captain B---- gone?--dead? _What_?"
+and he stamped with the impatience of that fearfully inquisitive
+_what_. I answered, "Captain B---- gone; water kill--dead." Tears
+stole down his loving face as he responded, "Poor mam! Mam one;" meaning
+I was now alone in the world. "God see poor mam one; Jesus Christ love
+poor mam one." With a feeling of bitter agony I asked him, "What? Jesus
+Christ love Captain B----?" "Yes," he replied, after a moment's solemn
+thought on the question, "Yes, Jack much pray; mam much pray; Jesus
+Christ see much prays." This was true comfort; all the eloquence of all
+the pulpits in England could not have gone to my heart like that
+assurance, that Jesus Christ had _seen_ his many dumb prayers on
+behalf of that lost--Oh, I could not, even in the depth of my
+unbelieving heart, say, "lost one." I again asked the boy, "Jack
+_much_ prays?" He answered with solemn fervency, "Very, very much
+prays. Jack pray morning, pray night; Jack pray church, pray bed. Yes,
+Jack many days, very, pray God make"--and he finished by signs, that
+wings should be made to grow from my brother's shoulders, for him to fly
+to heaven, adding, _Jesus Christ must make the wings;_ and then,
+with a burst of delighted animation, he told me that he was a "very tall
+angel, very beautiful."
+
+I have repeated this conversation to show the broken language carried on
+between us; and also how powerfully he expressed his thoughts. Soon
+after, when I was nearly fainting, a glass of water was held to my lips.
+I am ashamed to say, I dashed it down, exclaiming, "That murderer!" Jack
+caught my eye, and echoing my feelings, said, in a bitter way, "Bad
+water!" then with a look of exulting contempt at the remaining fluid, he
+added, "Soul gone water? No!" This idea, that the soul was not drowned,
+electrified me; so good is a word spoken in due season, however trite a
+truism that word may be.
+
+That night I pretended to go to bed, that others might do so too; and
+then I left my room, went to my little study, which was hung round with
+Jack's sweet drawings, and sat down, resting my elbows on the table, my
+face on my hands, and so remained for a couple of hours. Day had
+scarcely broken, brightly upon me, about two in the morning, when the
+door opened softly, and Jack entered, only partially dressed, his face
+deadly pale, and altogether looking most piteously wretched. He paused
+at the door, saying, "Jack sleep, no; Jack sick, head bad--no more see
+beautiful Captain B----." I could only shake my head, and soon buried my
+face in my hands again. However, I still saw him through my fingers; and
+after lifting up his clasped hands and eyes in prayer for me, he
+proceeded to execute the purpose of his visit to that room. Softly,
+stealthily, he went round, mounting a chair, and unpinned from the wall
+every drawing that contained a ship, a boat, or water under any form of
+representation. Still peeping at me, hoping he was not observed, he
+completed this work, which nothing but a mind refined to the highest
+degree of delicate tenderness could ever have prompted, and then
+stopping at the door, cast over his shoulder such a look of desolate
+sorrow at me, that its very wretchedness poured balm into my heart. Oh
+what a heavenly lesson is that, "Weep with them that do weep," and how
+we fly in its face when going to the mourner with our inhuman, cold-
+blooded exhortations to leave off grieving. Even Job's tormenting
+friends gave him seven days' true consolation while they sat silent on
+the earth weeping with him.
+
+But God put into the dumb boy's heart another mode of consolation, which
+I must recount as a specimen of his exceedingly original and beautiful
+train of thought. He used to tell his ideas to me as if they were things
+that he had seen: and now he had a tale to relate, the day after this,
+which riveted my attention. He told me my brother went on the lake in a
+little boat, and while he was going along the devil got under it, seized
+one side, pulled it over, and caught my brother, drawing him down to the
+bottom, which, as he told me, was deep, deep, and flames under it. Then
+Jesus Christ put his arm out of a cloud, reached into the water, took
+the soul out of the body, and drew it into the sky. When the devil saw
+the soul had escaped, he let the body go, and dived away, crying, Jack
+said, with rage, while the men took it to land. The soul, he continued,
+went up, up, up; it was bright, and brighter, "like sun--all light,
+beautiful light." At last he saw a gate, and inside many angels looking
+out at him; but two very small angels came running to meet the soul; and
+when he saw them, he took them up into his arms, kissed them, and
+carried them on towards the gate, still kissing and caressing them. I
+was amazed and utterly at a loss, and said, "Two angels? What? Mam not
+know; what?" He looked at me with a laugh of wonder; pointed to my head
+and the wooden table, and replied--his usual way of calling me stupid--
+"Doll mam! Two small boys, dead, Portugal." My brother had lost two
+babes in Portugal; and thus exquisitely, thus in all the beauty of true
+sublimity, had the untaught deaf and dumb boy pictured the welcome they
+had given their father on approaching the gate of heaven.
+
+A day or two after, some kind, sympathizing relations and friends being
+assembled at the dinner-table, something cheerful was said, which
+excited a general smile: Jack was in the act of handing a plate; he
+looked round him with a face of stern indignation, set down the plate,
+said, "Bad laughing!" and walked out of the room, stopping at the door
+to add to me, "Mam, come: no laughing! Gone; dead." I had not smiled;
+and this jealous tenaciousness of such a grief, on the part of an
+exceedingly cheerful boy, was the means of soothing more than any other
+means could have done it, the anguish of that wound which had pierced my
+very heart's core. These were a small part of the munificent wages that
+my Master gave me for nursing a child of his.
+
+My first act had, of course, been to adopt my brother's son--the "baby
+boy"--now five years old, who had been since he first showed his little
+round face in England, my own peculiar treasure. I begged him as a
+precious boon, and for his sake bore up against the storm of sorrow that
+was rending me within. Jack fell into a decline, through the depression
+of his spirits in seeing me suffer; for to conceal it from one who read
+every turn of my countenance was impossible; and I should have been well
+content to sink also, but for the powerful motive set before me. Under
+God, who gave him to me, you may thank your young friend for what little
+service I may have rendered in the cause you love, since 1828; for the
+prospect which by the Lord's rich mercy is so far realized, of seeing
+him grow up a useful, honorable member of society, with right
+principles, grounded on a scriptural education, was what enabled me to
+persevere against every difficulty and every discouragement that could
+cross my path. I set up a joyful Ebenezer here; and I ask your prayers
+that the blessing may be prolonged, increased, perfected, even to the
+day when we shall all meet before the throne of God. * * *
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XII.
+
+EMPLOYMENT.
+
+
+How is it that Christians so often complain they can find nothing to do
+for their Master? To hear some of them bemoaning their unprofitableness,
+we might conclude that the harvest indeed is small, and the laborers
+many. So many servants out of employ is a bad sign; and to obviate the
+difficulty complained of, I purpose showing you two or three ways in
+which those who are so inclined may bestir themselves for the good of
+others. What a blessing were a working church! and by a church I mean,
+"the company of all faithful people," whosoever and wheresoever they be.
+
+In the village where I lived, there was a very good national-school,
+well attended; also a Sunday-school; and the poorer inhabitants
+generally were of a respectable class, with many of a higher grade, such
+as small tradesmen, and the families of those in subordinate offices
+about the Military College. I always took a great interest in the young;
+and as love usually produces love, there was no lack of affectionate
+feeling on their part. It occurred to me, as the Sunday was much devoted
+by most of them to idling about, that assembling such of them as wished
+it at my cottage would afford an opportunity for scriptural instruction;
+and without any thing resembling a school, or any regular proposal, I
+found a little party of six or seven children assembled in the
+afternoon, to hear a chapter read, answer a few questions upon it, and
+join in a short prayer. Making it as cheerful and unrestrained as
+possible, I found my little guests greatly pleased; and on the next
+Sabbath my party was doubled, solely through the favorable report spread
+by them. One had asked me, "Please, ma'am, may I bring my little
+sister?" and on the reply being given, "You may bring any body and every
+body you like," a general beating up for recruits followed. In three or
+four weeks my assemblage amounted to sixty, only one half of whom could
+be crowded into the parlor of my small cottage. What was to be done? The
+work was rather arduous, but as I too had been complaining not long
+before of having little to do for the Lord, except with the pen, I
+resolved to brave a little extra labor. I desired the girls to come at
+four, the boys at six, and allowing an interval of half an hour between,
+we got through it very well. A long table was set across the room, from
+corner to corner; round this they were seated, each with a Bible, I
+being at the head of the table. I found this easy and sociable way of
+proceeding highly gratified the children: they never called, never
+thought it a school--they came bustling in with looks of great glee,
+particularly the boys, and greeted me with the affectionate freedom of
+young friends. A few words of introductory prayer were followed by the
+reading of one or more chapters, so that each had a verse or two; and
+then we talked over the portion of Scripture very closely, mutually
+questioning each other. Many of the girls were as old as sixteen or
+seventeen, beautiful creatures, and very well dressed: and what a
+privilege it was so to gather and so to arm them in a place where, alas,
+innumerable snares beset their path. We concluded with a hymn; and long
+before the half-hour had expired that preceded the boys' entrance, they
+were clustering like bees at the gate, impatient for the joyous rush;
+and to seat themselves round their dear table, with all that free
+confidence without which I never could succeed in really commanding the
+attention of boys.
+
+Our choice of chapters was peculiar. I found they wanted stirring
+subjects, and I gave them Gideon, Samson, Jonathan, Nehemiah, Boaz,
+Mordecai, Daniel, all the most manly characters of Old Testament
+history, with the rich gospel that lies wrapped in every page of that
+precious volume. Even in the New Testament I found that individualizing
+as much as possible the speaker or the narrative produced, great
+effects. Our blessed Lord himself, John the Baptist, Paul--all were
+brought before them as vividly as possible; and I can assure those who
+try to teach boys as they would teach girls, that they are pursuing a
+wrong method. Mine have often coaxed an extra hour from me; and I never
+once saw them willing to go, during the fifteen months of our happy
+meetings. If the least symptom of unruliness appeared, I had only to
+tell them they were my guests, and I appealed to their feelings of
+manliness, whether a lady had not some claim to forbearance and respect.
+Nothing rights a boy of ten or twelve years like putting him on his
+manhood; and really my little lads became gentlemen in mind and manners,
+while, blessed be God, not a few became, I trust, wise unto salvation.
+Their greatest temptation to disorderly doings was in the laughable,
+authoritative style of Jack's superintendence. He was now rapidly
+fading, but in mind brighter than ever. Seated in a large chair, a
+little to the rear of me, he kept strict watch over the party, and any
+deviation from what he considered correct conduct was noticed with a
+threat of punishment, conveyed by pinching his own ear, slapping his own
+face, kicking out his foot, and similar indications of chastisement,
+with a knowing nod at the offender. But if he saw an approach to levity
+over the word of God, his manner wholly changed. Tears filled his eyes,
+he looked all grief and entreaty, and the words, "God see," were
+earnestly spelled on his uplifted hands. No one could stand the appeal;
+and very rarely had he occasion to make it. I am sure his prayers helped
+forward the work mightily. It was wonderful to see thirty-two robust,
+boisterous fellows, from nine to seventeen years old, sitting in perfect
+delight and perfect order, for two and even three hours, on a fine
+Sunday evening, never looking dissatisfied till they were told to go.
+
+I cannot help recording an event on which I look back with great
+thankfulness, though it was a terrible trial to me at the time. Two of
+my boys had a quarrel one week-day. One of them was very teasing, the
+other very passionate. The latter ran to a butcher's window close by,
+seized the large knife, and plunged it into the left side of his
+companion. Most mercifully the wound was not dangerous: the keenness of
+the knife was in his favor; it penetrated to within a short distance of
+the heart, but separated no large vein, and within a few days the boy
+was out again. The Sunday after it occurred my party were exceedingly
+moved; they expressed great anger, and not a few threats were, uttered
+against the culprit, whose parents had locked him up. On the following
+Sabbath I resolved to make an effort to avert bad consequences, and also
+to arrest the poor boy in his dangerous course. He had rather justified
+himself than otherwise, and had shown a spirit sadly unsubdued, and
+unthankful for his escape from a deadly crime and its awful
+consequences. I sent word to him to come to my party: he replied he
+would not. I repeated the summons, saying I should be exceedingly hurt
+if he did not. No answer was returned. The place next but one to me
+belonged to the wounded boy, that below it to his assailant; and the
+former was present, pale, indeed, but well. I lost no time in announcing
+to them that I expected P----, which occasioned a burst of indignation,
+some saying they would not stay in the room with him, and the rest
+seeming to assent. "Then," said I, "you must go, for he wants
+instruction most: and the very feeling that makes you shrink from
+associating with him proves that you are better taught. So if you will
+leave me, do; I must admit him." Just then P---- was seen coming down
+the little garden: he entered, his walk very erect, his eyes
+unflinching, and his dark brows knitted. The looks of my young lads were
+very eloquent; his bold bearing exasperated them much. My heart seemed
+bursting its boundary with the violent palpitation of alarm, and other
+emotions which I could scarcely suppress; but I motioned to P---- to
+take his usual place, and instantly rising offered up the usual prayer,
+with a petition for the spirit of mutual compassion, forgiveness, and
+love. I ceased, all remained standing, and certainly it was a period of
+most fearful interest. I looked imploringly at the wounded boy; he
+hesitated a moment, then suddenly turned, and with an air of noble
+frankness, held out his hand to P----, who took it directly. I then
+offered him mine; he grasped it, and burst into tears. A delightful
+scene followed, each pressing to seal his forgiveness in the same
+manner, while Jack's countenance shone with almost heavenly beauty on a
+spectacle so congenial to his loving heart. We had a most happy
+evening, and I could not but tell my dear boys how much I rejoiced over
+them. Whatever may have been the effect on the characters of those
+concerned, I know not. I am persuaded the proceeding was a means of
+averting much mischief. Boys are noble creatures when placed on their
+right footing; but they are pugnacious animals and require prudent
+management. News was brought me one evening, while they waited for
+admission, that two of them had stripped off their jackets to fight, the
+dispute being which loved their teacher most. "Exclude them both to-
+night," said a friend, "and threaten to expel them." Instead of which, I
+sent word that the one who first put on his jacket loved me most, and
+that I was ready to begin. In they both came, smiling, and they got
+their lecture in due time, when a passage in point came before us.
+
+Now, who complains of non-employment while there are so many neglected
+children, and so many who, in the dull routine of a school, get only a
+mechanical knowledge of what would deeply interest them if brought
+before them with the help of a little personal condescension and care?
+It is a branch of Christian duty for which all are competent who know
+the gospel; and two, three, or four young people invited to come in for
+an hour or so at stated times, to sit down at a table and _talk_
+over the passages of Scripture which may appear best calculated to
+engage their pleased attention, may often prove the foundation for a
+noble work. * * * Ladies do not like to instruct boys: they are very
+wrong. Female influence is a powerful thing, and freely exerted for
+evil--why not for good? We brought sin into the world, involving man in
+the ruin he was not the first to seek; and it is the least we can do to
+offer him a little good now. I never yet met with a boy--and thanks be
+to God I have taught many--who would be rude to a female earnestly and
+kindly seeking his welfare, without attempting to crush that
+independence of spirit which is man's prerogative, and which no woman
+has a right to crush.
+
+I need not say that in the foregoing, and in all similar works where the
+Lord permitted me to engage, I labored diligently to make my young
+friends something more than nominal Protestants. To omit this, in giving
+instruction, is the very madness of inconsistent folly and cruelty.
+
+A few weeks after the commencement of my weekly assemblages, I was
+called to the metropolis in search of medical aid for a dear little
+child of my brother's. I found it, and all that Christian kindness could
+add to render it doubly valuable, at the hands of an estimable
+physician, near whom I resolved to stay for a few weeks; and while
+secretly lamenting that here, at least, I should find nothing to do, an
+answer was given to my unbelief that might well shame it. To the same
+end I will record this also, the circumstances being already well known,
+but not the delightful encouragements that are afforded when a project
+is entered upon in single, simple reliance on the help of Him for whose
+glory his people desire to work. Unbelief in his willingness--for we
+dare not doubt his power to prosper our poor attempts--is the real bar
+to our success. Such mistrust is infinitely dishonoring to him.
+
+Six years had elapsed since I left Ireland, but my affection for the
+country and people was unchanged, unchangeable. The very centre of the
+isle had become the grave of my beloved brother, and this only added
+tenfold to the touching interest excited by the very mention of that
+land. Strange to say, I had never heard of the Irish Society, nor
+considered of what vast importance it would be to make the language of
+the natives a medium of conveying spiritual instruction to them. The
+annual meeting was about to be held, and among the Irish clergymen
+forming the deputation to London, was the Rev. Charles Seymour, the
+venerable and every-way estimable pastor under whose ministry my brother
+had been placed at Castlebar, and from whom I had received letters,
+fully confirmatory of my sanguine hope that he had indeed and wholly
+embraced the gospel of Christ. Longing to see Mr. Seymour, I went to him
+on the morning of the meeting; and most sweet was the testimony he had
+to give; most tender the sympathy he evinced in all my sorrow and all my
+gladness. After a conversation that left me overflowing with gratitude
+for the blessings vouchsafed to my precious brother, he asked me to
+attend the meeting, and I went prepared to take a lively interest in
+whatever might be said respecting Ireland. How great was my astonishment
+when, for the first time, I heard the story of Bishop Bedell, of the
+Irish Bible, and of the good work in rapid progress among the aborigines
+of the land. The extent and inveteracy of the disease, I well knew; but
+the suitability of the remedy had never been set before me. In fact, I
+hardly knew that the Irish was a written language; and strange it
+seemed, to have passed three years in a part of the country where it is
+extensively spoken, and in the house of one who always conversed in that
+tongue with the rustic frequenters of her shop, yet to be so grossly
+ignorant of all relating to it. I resolved to become an active partisan
+of the Irish Society in Ireland; but a different turn was soon given to
+my sympathies. Mr. Seymour spoke after the others: he said much
+calculated to prove the power of the language in preaching the gospel;
+but suddenly reverting to the state of the many thousands of his poor
+countrymen congregated in London, he drew a most affecting picture of
+their destitute, degraded condition. He appealed to us as Christians;
+and reminding us of our many privileges, bade us take care that the
+souls of his poor countrymen did not rise up in judgment to condemn us
+for allowing them to perish in the heart of our metropolis. "Open," he
+said, "a bread-shop in St. Giles's; deal forth a little of the bread of
+life to their starving souls. Ye English Christians, I appeal to you for
+them: Oh, pity my poor lost countrymen, open but a bread-shop in St.
+Giles's!" Tears ran down his venerable face, as he lifted his clasped
+hands, and bent towards us. The effect of his words on me was electric:
+I looked at him, and silently but fervently said, "So God help me as I
+will open you a bread-shop in St. Giles's, if He does but permit!" Again
+and again did I repeat the pledge; and when Lord Roden spoke--the first
+time of my seeing that noble Irishman--and heartily seconded the appeal,
+I renewed the secret promise, with such purpose of heart as rarely fails
+to accomplish its object.
+
+For some days I tried in vain to do any thing towards it; but on the
+Sunday, passing from Great Russell-street to Long-acre, through the
+worst part of St. Giles's, I saw the awful state of that district, and
+declared to my companion, himself a devoted Irishman, my fixed resolve
+to have a church there. He warmly encouraged it, extravagant as the idea
+appeared; and I began to pray earnestly for direction from above. Two
+nights after, a thought struck me; I wrote an appeal on behalf of the
+miserable Irish Papists in that place, likening their case among us to
+that of Lazarus lying at the rich man's gate, and imploring means to
+give them the gospel in their own tongue. This I had printed, and sent
+copies as I could to various friends. Some smiled at my enthusiasm;
+others pointed out the work among distant heathen as far more important.
+Many wished me success; a few rebuked me for desiring to proselytize the
+members of another church; and still fewer gave me money. At the end of
+a fortnight's hard begging, I had got just seven pounds towards building
+a church! This was slow work. One day, dining at the table of my dear
+friend Dr. P----, he heard many bantering me for being so sanguine, and
+said, "You remind me of Columbus going to the cathedral of Seville to
+ask a blessing on his romantic project of discovering a new world.
+Everybody laughed at him. Nevertheless, Columbus succeeded, _and so
+will you_." At that moment a gentleman sitting next me laid a
+sovereign on my piece of bread; and the coincidence of the gold and the
+"bread-shop," combined with the doctor's confident prediction, put new
+life into me, and I boldly said, "I WILL succeed."
+
+With the sum of seven pounds in hand, I wrote to the bishop of Lichfield
+and Coventry, begging him to ask the bishop of London if he would
+license my Irish church and an Irish clergyman, if I provided both. Lord
+Mountsandford took this letter to him, and the next day he brought me
+this rather startling message: "The bishop of London will license your
+church: Lichfield sends his love to you, and desires you will summon the
+gentlemen who are assisting you in this undertaking--half a dozen or so
+--to meet him in Sackville-street on Saturday next, and be there
+yourself. He will see what can be done to forward it." Half a dozen
+gentlemen! where was I to find them? My only helpers were Mr. Maxwell,
+Dr. Pidduck, and Lord Mountsandford himself. However, I went to work,
+praying incessantly, and solacing myself with that beautiful text, "Go
+up to the mountain, and bring wood and build the house; and I will take
+pleasure in it, and I will be glorified, saith the Lord." I suppose I
+repeated that verse a hundred times a day, in my solitude, attending the
+sick child and writing letters till I nearly fell from my seat with
+exhaustion.
+
+Saturday arrived: I had no idea how far my applications might have
+succeeded; but if I had as many gentlemen there as pounds in my
+treasury, namely, seven, it would be sufficient. I went trembling with
+hope and fear, accompanied by two warmhearted young Irish barristers
+whom my good friend Mr. Maxwell had pressed into the service. Oh what
+could I render unto the Lord for all his goodness to me, when I saw the
+glorious spectacle presented to my view at the hour appointed! There sat
+the good Bishop Ryder in the chair; beside him the bishop of Bath and
+Wells; lords Lorton, Lifford, Bexley, Mountsandford, and Carberry; and
+of other clergymen and gentlemen upwards of forty. "Let us ask a
+blessing," said the bishop of Lichfield; and when, we all kneeled down
+to commit unto the LORD a work so new, so strange, and to poor human
+reason so hopelessly wild as this had appeared two days before, I
+thought I might as well die then as not; I could never die happier.
+
+All was zeal, love, unanimity; they placed it on a good basis, and my
+seven pounds were multiplied by more than seven before we broke up. They
+did not take the work out of my hands, but formed themselves into a body
+for aiding in carrying it on: the rector of St. Giles's came forward
+voluntarily to give his hearty consent, and ten pounds; and if there was
+a pillow of roses in London that night, I surely slept on it. In six
+weeks my memorable seven pounds swelled to thirteen hundred; a church
+was bought, a pastor engaged; and a noble meeting held in Freemason's
+Hall, to incorporate the new project with the Irish Society. I went back
+to Sandhurst elated with joy, and lost no time in putting up, most
+conspicuously written out on card, over my study fireplace, the lines
+that I had so often repeated during the preceding two months:
+
+  "Victorious Faith, the promise sees,
+    And looks to God alone;
+  Laughs at impossibilities,
+    And says, 'IT SHALL BE DONE!"
+
+In the following November the Irish Episcopal church in St. Giles's was
+opened for divine service on Advent Sunday, the Rev. H.H. Beamish
+officiating. A more eloquent and fluent preacher, a more gifted and
+devoted man, the whole church of God could not have supplied. He
+preached the whole gospel in Irish to the listening, wondering people,
+who hung with delight upon accents so dear to them; and he attacked
+their pestilent heresies with the bold faithfulness of one who meant
+what he said, when vowing to drive away all erroneous and strange
+doctrines from those under his charge. God blessed most richly his
+ministry: many were awakened, several truly converted to Christ, and not
+a small number fully convinced of the falsehood of their own
+superstition, which they forsook. We had forty communicants from among
+the most wretchedly ignorant and bigoted of the Irish Romanists, before
+Mr. Beamish left his post; and one of them had even endured a cruel
+martyrdom for the truth's sake. A bread-shop in deed it was: and the old
+Christian, whose fervent appeal had given rise to its establishment,
+himself preached there in Irish to a delighted congregation, before the
+Lord took him to himself. * * *
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XIII.
+
+A SUNSET.
+
+
+I come now to the period of my delivering up a sacred trust into the
+hands of Him who committed it to me. Jack had lingered long, and sunk
+very gradually; but now he faded apace. His eldest sister, a very
+decided Romanist, came over for the purpose of seeing him, and to take
+care that he had "the rites of the church." Had the abbé remained, it is
+probable we should have soon found ourselves deep in controversy; for,
+as priest, he never should have crossed my threshold, to bring upon my
+house the curse attached to idolatrous worship: and there was happily no
+other within reach. Jack requested me to promise him in his sister's
+presence that no Romish priest should come near him: I willingly did so;
+and moreover informed her that if she was herself dying and asked for
+one, he would not be admitted under my roof. The abomination that maketh
+desolate stands in many places where it ought not, but where I have
+authority it never did, nor by God's grace ever shall. I have toleration
+full and free for every form of Christianity, but none for antichrist,
+come in what form he may.
+
+It may be possible to describe a glorious summer sunset, with all the
+softening splendor that it sheds around; but to describe the setting of
+my dumb boy's sun of mortal life is impossible. He declined like the orb
+of day, gently, silently, gradually, yet swiftly, and gathered new
+beauties as he approached the horizon. His sufferings were great, but
+far greater his patience; and nothing resembling a complaint ever
+escaped him. When appearing in the morning, with pallid, exhausted
+looks, if asked whether he had slept, he would reply, with a sweet
+smile, "No, Jack no sleep; Jack think good Jesus Christ see poor Jack.
+Night dark; heaven all light; soon see heaven. Cough much now, pain bad;
+soon no cough, no pain." This was his usual way of admitting how much he
+suffered, always placing in contrast the glory to be revealed in him,
+and which, seemed already revealed to him. Knowing that his recovery was
+impossible, I refrained, with his full concurrence, from having him
+tormented with miscalled alleviations, such as opiates, bloodletting,
+and so forth. All that kindness and skill could effect was gratuitously
+done for him, and every thing freely supplied by our medical friends;
+but they admitted that no permanent relief could be given, and I always
+hold it cruel to imbitter the dying season with applications that in the
+end increase the sufferings they temporarily subdue. This plan kept the
+boy's mind clear and calm; the ever-present Saviour being to him instead
+of all soothing drugs. Sometimes when greatly oppressed, he has had
+leeches; and I remember once half a dozen were put on his side, at his
+own request. The inflammation was very great; the torture dreadful as
+they drew it to the surface; and I was called to him, as he sat grasping
+the arm of a chair, and writhing convulsively. He said to me, "Very,
+very pain; pain bad, soon kill;" and he seemed half wild with agony.
+Looking up in my face, he saw me in tears; and instantly assumed his
+sweetest expression of countenance, saying in a calm, leisurely way,
+that his pain was much, but the pain the Lord suffered much more: his
+was only in his side; the Lord suffered in his side, his hands, his
+feet, and head. His pain would be over in half an hour, the Lord's
+lasted many hours; he was "bad Jack," the Lord was "good Jesus Christ."
+Then again he observed the leeches made very little holes in his skin,
+and drew out a little blood; but the thorns, the nails, the spear, tore
+the Lord's flesh, and all his blood gushed out--it was shed to save him;
+and he raised his eyes, lifted his clasped hands, turned his whole face
+up towards heaven, saying, "Jack loves, loves, very loves good Jesus
+Christ!" When another violent pang made him start and writhe a little,
+he recovered in a moment, nodded his head, and said, "Good pain, make
+Jack soon go heaven."
+
+His sublime idea of the "red hand" was ever present. He had told me some
+years before, that when he had lain a good while in the grave, God would
+call aloud, "Jack!" and he would start, and say, "Yes, me Jack." Then he
+would rise, and see multitudes standing together, and God sitting on a
+cloud with a very large book in his hand--he called it "Bible book"--and
+would beckon him to stand before him while he opened the book, and
+looked at the top of the pages, till he came to the name of John B----.
+In that page he told me, God had written all his "bads," every sin he
+had ever done: and the page was full. So God would look, and strive to
+read it, and hold it to the sun for light, but it was all "no, no
+nothing, none." I asked him in some alarm if he had done no bad. He said
+yes, much bads; but when he first prayed to Jesus Christ _he_ had
+taken the book out of God's hand, found that page, and pulling from his
+palm something which he described as filling up the hole made by the
+nail, had allowed the wound to bleed a little, passing his hand down the
+page so that, as he beautifully said, God could see none of Jack's bads,
+only Jesus Christ's blood. Nothing being thus found against him, God
+would shut the book, and there he would remain standing before him, till
+the Lord Jesus came, and saying to God, "My Jack," would put his arm
+around him, draw him aside, and bid him stand with the angels till the
+rest were judged.
+
+All this he told me with the placid but animated look of one who is
+relating a delightful fact: I stood amazed, for rarely had the plan of a
+sinner's ransom, appropriation, and justification, been so perspicuously
+set forth in a pulpit, as here it was by a poor deaf and dumb peasant
+boy, whose broken language was eked out by signs. He often told it to
+others, always making himself understood, and often have I seen the
+tears starting from a rough man's eye as he followed the glowing
+representation. Jack used to sit silent and thoughtful for a long time
+together in his easy-chair, when too weak to move about, and then
+catching my eye, to say with a look of infinite satisfaction, "Good red
+hand." I am persuaded that it was his sole and solid support; he never
+doubted, never feared, because his view of Christ's all-sufficiency was
+so exceedingly clear and realizing. It certainly never entered his head
+to question God's love to him. One night a servant went to his room,
+long after he had gone to bed: he was on his knees at the window, his
+hands and face held up towards a beautiful starlight sky. He did not
+perceive the servant's entrance: and next morning when I asked him about
+it, he told me that God was walking above, upon the stars; and that he
+went to the window and held up his head that God might look down into it
+and see how very much he loved Jesus Christ.
+
+All his ideas were similar--all turned on the one theme so dear to him;
+and their originality was inexhaustible. What could be finer than his
+notion of the lightning, that it was produced by a sudden opening and
+shutting of God's eye--or of the rainbow, that it was the reflection of
+God's smile? What more graphic than his representation of Satan's malice
+and impotence, when, one evening, holding his finger to a candle, he
+snatched it back, as if burnt, pretending to be in great pain, and said,
+"Devil like candle." Then with a sudden look of triumph he added, "God
+like wind," and with a most vehement puff at once extinguished the
+light. When it was rekindled he laughed and said, "God kill devil."
+
+He told me that God was always sitting still with the great book in his
+hand, and the Lord Jesus looking down for men, and crying to them,
+"Come, man; come, pray." That the devil drew them back from listening,
+and persuaded them to spit up towards him, which was his sign for
+rebellion and contempt; but if at last a man snatched his hand from
+Satan, and prayed to the Lord Jesus, he went directly, took the book,
+found the name, and passed the "red hand" over the page; on seeing which
+Satan would stamp and cry. He gave very grotesque descriptions of the
+evil spirit's mortification, and always ended by bestowing on him a
+hearty kick. From seeing the effect, in point of watchfulness, prayer,
+and zeal, produced on this young Christian by such continual realization
+of the presence of the great tempter, I have been led to question very
+much the policy, not to say the lawfulness, of excluding that terrible
+foe as we do from our general discourse. It seems to be regarded a
+manifest impropriety to name him, except with the most studied
+circumlocution, as though we were afraid of treating him irreverently;
+and he who is seldom named will not often be thought of. Assuredly it is
+a great help to him in his countless devices to be so kept out of sight.
+We are prone to speak, to think, to act, as though we had only our own
+evil natures to contend with, including perhaps a sort of general
+admission that something is at work to aid the cause of rebellion; but
+it was far otherwise with Jack. If only conscious of the inward rising
+of a sullen or angry temper, he would immediately conclude that the
+devil was trying to make him grieve the Lord; and he knelt down to pray
+that God would drive him away. The sight of a drunken man affected him
+deeply: he would remark that the devil had drawn that man to the ale-
+house, put the cup into his hand with an assurance that God did not see,
+or did not care; and was now pushing him about to show the angels he had
+made that wretched being spit at the authority of the Lord. In like
+manner with all other vices, and some seeming virtues. As an instance of
+the latter, he knew a person who was very hostile to the gospel, and to
+the best of his power hindered it, but who nevertheless paid the most
+punctual regard to all the formalities of external public worship. He
+almost frightened me by the picture he drew of that person's case,
+saying the devil walked to church with him, led him into a pew, set a
+hassock prominently forward for him to kneel on, put a handsome prayer-
+book into his hand; and while he carefully followed all the service kept
+clapping him on the shoulder, saying, "A very good pray." I told this to
+a pious minister, who declared it was the most awfully just description
+of self-deluding formality, helped on by Satan, that ever he heard of.
+When partaking of the Lord's supper, Jack told me that his feeling was
+"very, very love Jesus Christ; very, very, _very_ hate devil: go,
+devil!" and with holy indignation he motioned, as it were, the enemy
+from him. He felt that he had overcome the accuser by the blood of the
+Lamb. Oh that we all may take a lesson of wisdom from this simple child
+of God.
+
+During the winter months he sunk daily: his greatest earthly delight was
+in occasionally seeing Mr. Donald, for whom he felt the fondest love,
+and who seemed to have a presentiment of the happy union in which they
+would together soon rejoice before the Lord. Jack was courteous in
+manner, even to elegance; most graceful; and being now nineteen, tall
+and large, with the expression of infantine innocence and sweetness on a
+very fine countenance, no one could look on him without admiration, nor
+treat him with roughness or disrespect: but Donald's tenderness of
+manner was no less conspicuous than his; and I have watched that noble-
+minded Christian man waiting on the dying youth, as he sat patiently
+reclining in his chair--for he could not lie down--and the grateful
+humility with which every little kindness was received, until I almost
+forgot what the rude unfeeling world was in that beautiful
+contemplation. How much the fruit in God's garden is beautified by the
+process that ripens it.
+
+Jack labored anxiously to convert his sister; and as she could not read
+at all, the whole controversy was carried on by signs. Mary was
+excessively mirthful, Jack unboundedly earnest; and when her playful
+reproaches roused his Irish blood, the scene was often very comic. I
+remember he was once bringing a long list of accusations against her
+priest, for taking his mother's money, making the poor fast while the
+rich paid for dispensations to eat, inflicting cruel penances, drinking
+too much whiskey, and finally telling the people to worship wooden and
+breaden gods. To all this Mary attended with perfect good-humor, and
+then told him the same priest had christened him and made crosses upon
+him. Jack wrathfully intimated that he was then a baby, with a head like
+a doll's, and knew nothing; but if he had been wise he would have kicked
+his little foot into the priest's mouth. The controversy grew so warm
+that I had to part them. His horror of the priests was solely directed
+against their false religion; when I told him of one being converted, he
+leaped about for joy.
+
+At the commencement of the year 1831 he was evidently dying; and we got
+a furlough for his brother to visit him. Poor Pat never went to bed but
+twice during the fortnight he was there, so bitterly did he grieve over
+the companion of his early days; and many a sweet discourse passed
+between them on the subject of the blessed hope that sustained the dying
+Christian. He only survived Pat's departure four days. On the third of
+February the last symptoms came on; the death-damps began to ooze out,
+his legs were swelled to the size of his body, and he sat in that state,
+incapable of receiving warmth, scarcely able to swallow, yet clear,
+bright, and tranquil, for thirty hours. The morning of the last day was
+marked by such a revival of strength that he walked across the room with
+little help, and talked incessantly to me, and to all who came near him.
+He told me, among other things, that once God destroyed all men by rain,
+except those in the ark; and that he would soon do it again, not with
+water but with fire. He described the Lord as taking up the wicked by
+handfuls, breaking them, and throwing them into a fire; repeating, "All
+bads, all bads go fire." I asked if he was not bad; "Yes, Jack bad
+very." Would he be thrown into the fire? "No; Jesus Christ loves poor
+Jack." He then spoke rapturously of the "red hand," of the angels he
+should soon be singing with, of the day when Satan should be cast into
+the pit, and of the delight he should have in seeing me again. He prayed
+for his family, begged me to teach Mary to read the Bible, to warn Pat
+against bad example, to bring up my brother's boys to love Jesus Christ,
+and lastly he repeated over and over again the fervent injunction to
+love Ireland, to pray for Ireland, to write books for "Jack's poor
+Ireland," and in every way to oppose Popery. He called it "Roman,"
+always; and it was a striking sight, that youth all but dead, kindling
+into the most animated, stern, energetic warmth of manner, raising his
+cold, damp hands, and spelling with them the words, "Roman is a lie."
+"One Jesus Christ, one," meaning he was the only Saviour; "Jack's one
+Jesus Christ;" and then with a force as if he would have the characters
+impressed on his hands, he reiterated, as slowly as possible, his dying
+protest, "Roman is A LIE!" Very sweetly he thanked me for all my care;
+and now he seemed to bequeath to me his zeal against the destroyer of
+his people. The last signs of removal came on in the evening; his sight
+failed, he rubbed his eyes, shook his head, and then smiled with
+conscious pleasure. At last he asked me to let him lie down on the sofa
+where he had been sitting, and saying very calmly, "A sleep," put his
+hand into mine, closed his eyes, and breathed his spirit forth so
+gently, that it was difficult to mark the precise moment of that joyful
+change.
+
+I still hope to throw into a volume the numerous particulars that remain
+untold concerning this boy; and I will not now dwell upon the subject
+longer. God had graciously kept me faithful to my trust; and I
+surrendered it, not without most keenly feeling the loss of such a
+companion, but with a glow of adoring thankfulness that overcame all
+selfish regrets. Thenceforth my lot was to be cast among strangers, and
+sorely did I miss the comforting, sympathizing monitor who for seven
+years had been teaching me more than I could teach him; but all my
+prayers had been answered, all my labors crowned; and with other duties
+before me I was enabled to look at the past, to thank God, and to take
+courage.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XIV.
+
+A REMOVAL.
+
+
+Circumstances led me to decide on removing nearer the metropolis; and
+with reluctance I bade adieu to Sandhurst, where I had resided five
+years. Jack was buried under the east window of the Chapel of Ease at
+Bagshot, there to rest till roused by the Lord's descending shout, the
+voice of the archangel, and the trump of God. I am very certain he will
+rise to glory and immortality. It was a severe trial to part with my
+school, to dispose of the endeared relics that had furnished a home
+blessed by my brother's presence, to bid farewell to many kind friends,
+and cast myself into the great wilderness of London. The feeling that
+oppressed me was a conviction that I should there find nothing to do;
+but I prayed to be made useful, and none ever asked work of a heavenly
+Master in vain. The dreadful famine in the west of Ireland had called
+forth a stream of English liberality, and collections were made
+everywhere for relief of the suffering Irish: one was announced at Long-
+Acre chapel; but before the day arrived, the committee put forth a
+statement that they had abundant funds and required no more. I was then
+residing in Bloomsbury, daily witnessing the wretchedness of St.
+Giles's: and on learning this I wrote to Mr. Howels, begging him to say
+a word to his congregation on behalf of those Irish who were starving at
+their doors, whose miserable destitution I laid before him as well as I
+could. He returned me no answer; but on the Sunday morning read my
+letter from the pulpit, asked his flock to contribute, and collected
+upwards of fifty pounds, which he gave to me.
+
+Knowing the character of the people so well, and longing to make the
+relief of their bodily wants subservient to a higher purpose, I resolved
+to visit in person every case recommended to my notice. Many of my
+friends stood aghast at the proposal: I should be insulted, murdered, by
+the Irish savages; no lady could venture there, their language was so
+dreadful: no delicate person could survive the effects of such a noxious
+atmosphere. To this I replied that, happily, I could not hear their
+conversation; and as for the unwholesomeness, it could not be worse than
+Sierra Leone, or other missionary stations, where many ladies went.
+Insult had never yet been my lot among the Irish; and as to murder, it
+would be martyrdom in such a cause, of which I had little hope. So I
+turned my fifty pounds into bread, rice, milk, meal, coals, and soup,
+resolved to give no money, and on the very next day commenced the
+campaign against starvation and Popery in St. Giles's.
+
+For four months I persevered in the work, devoting from four to six
+hours every day to it; and though I never in the smallest degree
+concealed or compromised the truth, or failed to place in the strongest
+light its contrast with the falsehoods taught them, I never experienced
+a disrespectful or unkind look from one among the hundreds, the
+thousands who knew me as the enemy of their religion, but the loving
+friend of their country and of their souls. Often, when I went to visit
+and relieve some poor dying creature in a cellar or garret, where a
+dozen wholly unconnected with the sufferer were lodged in the same
+apartment, have I gathered them all about me by speaking of Ireland with
+the affection I really feel for it, and then shown them, from the
+Scriptures, in English, or by means of an Irish reader sometimes
+accompanying me, the only way of salvation, pointing out how very
+different was that by which they vainly sought it. My plan was to
+discover such as were too ill to go to the dispensary for relief, or to
+select the most distressed objects whom I met there, and to take the
+bread of life along with the bread that perisheth into their wretched
+abodes. I was most ably and zealously helped by that benevolent
+physician who had always been foremost in every good and compassionate
+work for the Irish poor; and to whose indefatigable zeal it is chiefly
+owing that at this day the poor lambs of that distressed flock are still
+gathered and taught in the schools which it was Donald's supreme delight
+to superintend. I cannot pass over in silence the devotion of Dr.
+Pidduck, through many years, to an office the most laborious, the most
+repulsive, and in many respects the most thankless that a professional
+man can be engaged in--that of ministering to the diseased and filthy
+population of the district. But many a soul that he has taught in the
+knowledge of Him whom to know is life eternal, will be found to rejoice
+him in the day when their poor bodies shall arise to meet the Lord.
+
+The schools in George-street, to which I have alluded, are the main
+blessing of the place: they were established long before the gospel in
+Irish was ever introduced there; and they survive the Irish ministry
+which, alas, has been withdrawn from the spot where God enabled me to
+plant it. Those schools are a bud of promise in the desolate wilderness,
+which may the Lord in his own good time cause to blossom again. * * *
+
+During a sojourn of some years a little to the north of London, I
+devoted myself more to the pen, and found less opportunity for other
+usefulness than in Sandhurst and London; yet much encouragement was
+given to labor among the poor neglected Irish, who may be found in every
+neighborhood, and to whom few think of taking the gospel in their native
+tongue--still fewer of bearing with the desperate opposition that Satan
+will ever show to the work. We make the deplorable state, morally and
+physically, of the Irish poor, an excuse first for not going among them
+at all, and then for relinquishing the work if we do venture to begin
+it. In both cases it ought to plead for tenfold readiness and
+perseverance. I always found it a perilous task to attack the enemy in
+this strong-hold: not from any opposition encountered from the people
+themselves; far otherwise; they ever received me gladly, and treated me
+with respect and grateful affection; but Satan has many ways of
+assailing those whom he desires to hinder, and sometimes his chain is
+greatly lengthened for the trial of faith, and perfecting of humility
+and patience, where they may be sadly lacking. There are spheres of
+undeniable duty where the Christian may often almost, if not altogether,
+take up the apostle's declaration, and say, "No man stood by me." This,
+to the full extent, has never yet been my experience; but I have often
+found many against me, both without and within, when earnestly bent on
+dealing a blow at the great antichrist. It is no good sign when all goes
+on too smoothly.
+
+In 1834 I was induced to undertake what seemed an arduous and alarming
+office, that of editing a periodical. I commenced it in much prayer,
+with no little trembling, and actuated by motives not selfish. That it
+was not laid down at the end of the second year, was owing to the great
+blessing just then given to my appeals on behalf of the cruelly
+oppressed and impoverished Irish clergy through its means: and
+recommencing, at the beginning of the third year, with an ardent desire
+to promote more than ever the sacred cause of Protestantism, I found the
+Lord prospering the work beyond my best hopes; and by his help I
+continue it to this day. * * *
+
+It was my blessed privilege, four years since, to abridge into two
+moderate sized volumes the English Martyrology, as recorded by Foxe. In
+the progress of this work I became better acquainted with the true
+doctrines of the Reformation than ever before: I compared them, as I am
+wont to do every thing, with what God has revealed; and I am satisfied
+that they are perfectly accordant with Scripture: if they were not so, I
+would reject them. By the same standard let us prove all things, that we
+may hold fast that which is good.
+
+I have not particularized the trial of my scriptural principles when
+exposed for a short time to the pernicious doctrines of a subtle and
+persuasive Antinomian teacher. At first he only appeared to me to insist
+very strenuously on the doctrine of free, sovereign grace; and greatly
+to magnify God in the saving of souls, wholly independent of aught that
+man can do: but a little further investigation convinced me that the
+vilest system of moral licentiousness might be built on such a
+foundation as he laid; and I found the discourses of Peter and of Paul,
+as recorded in the Acts, especially conclusive against his perverted
+notions. Antinomianism is a most deadly thing; and I believe all
+extremes in doctrines where good men have much differed to be dangerous;
+while at the same time they are very deluding, for we all love to go far
+in an argument, or under the influence of party spirit. * * *
+
+Of myself, I have now no more to say than that, "by the help of my God,
+I continue to this day" anxiously desirous to devote my little talent to
+his service, as he may graciously permit. I have coveted no man's
+silver, or gold, or apparel, but counted it a privilege to labor with my
+hands and head, for myself and for those most dear to me. Many trials,
+various and sharp, have been my portion; but they are passed away, and
+if I have not enlarged upon them it is from no reluctance to declare all
+the Lord's wonderful doings, but from a desire to avoid speaking harshly
+of those who are departed. The Lord has accepted at my hand one
+offering, in the case of the precious dumb boy, received into glory
+through his rich blessing on my efforts; and he mercifully gives me to
+see the welfare of two others, committed to me as the offspring of my
+brother, over whose early years I have been permitted to watch, and in
+whose growing prosperity my heart can rejoice. He has been a very
+gracious Master to me; he has dealt very bountifully, and given me now
+the abundance of domestic peace, with the light of his countenance to
+gladden my happy home. Yet the brightest beam that falls upon it is the
+anticipation of that burst of glory when the Lord Jesus shall be
+revealed from heaven, to reign in righteousness over the world that
+shall soon, very soon, acknowledge him the universal, eternal King: and
+the most fervent aspiration my heart desires to utter is the response to
+his promise of a speedy advent. "Even so, Lord Jesus; come quickly.
+Amen."
+
+
+      *       *       *       *       *
+
+NOTE. Charlotte Elizabeth was born in October, 1790, and wrote the
+Personal Recollections near the close of 1840, when fifty years of age.
+She continued her active Christian beneficence, and the brilliant and
+unceasing labors of her pen, in editing the Protestant Magazine, and
+other writing for the press, until the very close of life. "Immediately
+after breakfast," says a brief sketch of her remaining years, "she went
+to her desk, locking the door to exclude interruptions; and when her pen
+was laid aside, her garden afforded ever new delight; and with her,
+gardening was no light occupation. She smiled at lady gardeners who only
+enjoyed the labors of others. From the moment the gravel-walks and beds
+were formed, all was the work of her own hands; and the most laborious
+operations were to her refreshment and enjoyment. Each plant, each bed
+was familiar to her. She knew their history, their vicissitudes, and the
+growth and expansion of each became a source of lively and never-failing
+interest. The emotions produced in her mind by the brilliant tints of
+flowers, can only be compared to those of music to others, and this love
+of color was regulated by the most delicate sense of harmony in their
+disposition and arrangement. The writer wears at this moment a small
+diamond ring, which she kept in her desk, and would place on her finger
+only when engaged in writing; the occasional flashing of the brilliants
+as the light fell upon them, producing most pleasurable sensations in
+her mind, and greatly assisting the flow of her thoughts and
+imagination. Her countenance, at such moments, would light up with
+animation, and if an inquiring glance were turned to her, she would
+smile, and add, 'Oh, it was only the diamonds.'
+
+"Often would she lay down her pen in the midst of some work requiring
+the whole energy of her mind, and much concentration of thought, and go
+to her garden for half an hour; and while apparently wholly absorbed in
+pruning or transplanting, she was really engaged in her work; and the
+apparent loss of time was amply repaid by the rapidity with which she
+wrote out the ideas conceived and matured during this healthful
+recreation. A word, however, spoken to her at such times, would have
+caused a most painful interruption in the current of her thoughts--she
+compared the effect to a stone thrown into a quiet running brook--and
+would utterly disable her from writing during the rest of the day, a
+circumstance not easy to impress on the minds of servants. Even those
+who would most carefully refrain from addressing her when they knew she
+was actually writing, could hardly understand that like care was needful
+when she was thus employed over her flowers.
+
+"All communication was held with her by means of the finger alphabet,
+but so quick was her appreciation of what was thus said, and so easy was
+it for those about her to acquire great rapidity in this art, that her
+total deafness was hardly felt to be an inconvenience; sermons,
+speeches, conversations even of the most voluble speakers, were conveyed
+to her with the greatest ease, and with hardly the omission of the
+smallest word."
+
+In 1841 she married Mr. L.H.J. Tonna, who held an office in London under
+the British government, and who prepared the sketch from which the above
+passage is quoted. Having in 1836 removed from Edmonton, (page 242,) she
+resided at Blackheath till 1845, when she removed to London. About the
+end of 1844, she found that a small swelling near her left shoulder was
+indeed a cancer, which would doubtless terminate life; but she continued
+her literary labors till a vary short time before her death, which was
+one of peace and humble trust in her Redeemer, and occurred at Ramsgate
+on the sea-side. The following epitaph, dictated by herself, is
+inscribed on her tombstone:
+
+HERE
+
+LIE THE MORTAL REMAINS
+
+OF
+
+CHARLOTTE ELIZABETH,
+
+THE
+
+BELOVED WIFE
+
+OF
+
+LEWIS HYPOLYTUS JOSEPH TONNA,
+
+WHO
+
+DIED ON THE 12TH OF JULY,
+
+MDCCCXLVI,
+
+LOOKING UNTO JESUS.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Personal Recollections, by Charlotte Elizabeth
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PERSONAL RECOLLECTIONS ***
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