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diff --git a/old/10018-h/10018-h.htm b/old/10018-h/10018-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..db4d6ab --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/10018-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3177 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. 1, No. 5.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 5, April 30, 1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 5, April 30, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 8, 2003 [EBook #10018] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 5 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +</pre> + + <table width="800" border="1" align="center" cellpadding="3" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p>"The Printing House of the United States."</p> + + <p><big><b>GEO. F. NESBITT & CO</b>.,</big></p> + + <p>General <b>JOB PRINTERS</b>,<br> + BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,<br> + STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,<br> + LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers,<br> + COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,<br> + CARD Manufacturers,<br> + ENVELOPE Manufacturers,<br> + FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.</p> + + <p><b>163,165,167,</b> and <b>169 PEARL ST.,</b></p> + + <p><b>73, 75, 77,</b> and <b>79 PINE ST.,</b> + New-York.</p> + + <p><small><small>ADVANTAGES—All on the same + premises, and under the immediate supervision of the + proprietors.</small></small></p> + </center> + </td> + + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">TO NEWS-DEALERS.</p> + + <p><big><b>PUNCHINELLO'S MONTHLY</b></big>.</p> + + <p><small>THE FIVE NUMBERS FOR APRIL,</small></p> + + <p>Bound in a Handsome Cover,</p> + + <p>Will be ready May 2d. Price, Fifty Cents.</p> + + <p><b>THE TRADE</b></p> + + <p>SUPPLIED BY THE</p> + + <p><big>AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY,</big></p> + + <p><small>Who are now prepared to receive + Orders.</small></p> + </center> + </td> + + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HARRISON BRADFORD & + CO.'S</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>STEEL + PENS.</big></big></big></p> + + <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and + cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special + attention is called to the following grades, as being + better suited for business purposes than any Pen + manufactured. The</p> + + <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the + <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p> + + <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p> + + <p><b>D. APPLETON & CO.,</b> <b><br> + Sole Agents for United States.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table width="800" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="3" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <center> + <br> + <br> + <img src="images/01.jpg" alt=""><br> + + <h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1> + + <h2>Vol. I. No. 5.</h2> + + <p>SATURDAY, APRIL 30, 1870.</p><br> + + <h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3><br> + + <h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3><br> + <br> + + <h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4> + </center><br> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><small><i>CONANT'S PATENT BINDERS for "Punchinello," + to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent, + post-paid<br> + on receipt of One Dollar, by "Punchinello Publishing + Company," 83 Nassau Street, New-York + City.</i></small></p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + <small>PRANG'S CHROMOS are celebrated for their close + resemblance to Oil Paintings. Sold in All Stores through + out the World<br> + <br></small> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <small><br> + PRANG'S WEEKLY BULLETIN OF CHROMOS.—"Easter + Morning" "Family Scene in Pompeii"<br> + "Whittier's Birthplace," Illustrated Catalogue sent, on + receipt of stamp, by L. PRANG & CO., Boston<br> + <br></small> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table width="800" align="center"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/03.jpg" alt=""> + </center> + + <p><b>THE WARNING OF THE BELLE</b></p> + + <p>LOOK OUT FOR THE TRAIN.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>PATRIOTIC ADORATION.</b></p> + + <p>A TALE OF PHILADELPHIA.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">People of the Quaker City,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">How the world must + stand aghast</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">At your wondrous + veneration</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For those relics of the + past,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Kept in such precise + condition,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Fostered with such + tender care—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Don't, oh! don't the + Philadelphians</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Love old Independence + Square?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Splendid are its walks + and grass-plots</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Where the bootblacks + base-ball play,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And its seats resembling + toad-stools,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">On which loafers lounge + all day,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Waiting for their luck, + or gazing</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">At the office of the + Mayor—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Don't, oh! don't the + Philadelphians</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Love old Independence + Square?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Then, behold the fine old + State-house</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Cleanly kept inside and + out,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Where the faithful + office-holders</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Squirt tobacco-juice + about:</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Placards highly + ornamental</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Decorate its outward + wall—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Don't, oh! don't the + Philadelphians</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Love old Independence + Hall?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">O! ye gods and little + fishes!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Could bill-sticker be + so vile</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">As to paste up nasty + posters</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">On the sacred classic + pile?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Greece and Rome yet have + their relics,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But what are they? very + small.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Never half so + venerated</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">As old Independence + Hall.</span><br> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>PERIODICAL LITERATURE.</b></p> + + <p>PUNCHINELLO has hitherto refrained from criticising + the periodicals of the day, from the mistaken idea that + superlative excellence was not expected in every number + of every daily or weekly journal in the land. He did not + know that, if every such journal was not edited so as to + suit the comprehension of all classes of cursory critics, + it should be unqualifiedly condemned. Supposing that a + painter should not condemn a paper for publishing a + musical article beyond his comprehension, and that an + architect ought not to get in a rage because he finds in + his favorite journal a paper on beavers which makes him + feel insignificant, PUNCHINELLO has generally looked + around upon his fellow-journalists, and thought them very + good fellows, who generally published very good papers. + He did not find superlative excellence in any of their + issues, but then he did not look for it. He might as well + pretend to look for that in the journalists themselves, + or in society at large. But he has lately learned, from + the critics of the period, that he ought to look for it, + and that it is the proper thing nowadays to pitch into + every journal which does not, in every part, please every + body, whether they be smart or dull; those quick of + appreciation, or those slow gentlemen who always come in + with their congratulations upon the birth of a joke at + the time its funeral is taking place. And so, PUNCHINELLO + will do as others do, and will occasionally view, from + the loop-hole in his curtain, the successes and failures + of his neighbors, and will give his patrons the benefit + of his observations.</p> + + <p>The first thing he notices to-day is, that the + <i>Evening Snail</i> of last night is not so good as it + was a fortnight ago; or, let us think a bit—it + may have been a good number at the beginning of last + month that he was thinking of; at all events, this last + issue is inferior. The matter on the first page is not + printed in nearly as good type as the original + periodicals had it, and while the letters in the heading + are quite fair, it is very noticeable that the I's are + very defective, and there is no C in it. The "Gleanings" + are excellent, and it would be advisable to have more of + them—if indeed such a thing were possible in + this case. The spider-work inside shows no acquaintance + with the writings of BACH or GLIDDON, and there is + nothing about the Spectrum Analysis in any part of the + paper. Besides, the paper is too stiff and rattles too + much, and PUNCHINELLO could never abide the color of the + editor's pantaloons. Why will not people dress and write + so that every body can admire and understand them. + Especially in regard to witty things and breastpins They + ought to be loud, overpowering, and so glaring that + people could not help seeing them. And they ought to be a + little cheap, too, or average people won't comprehend + them. In both cases paste (and scissors) pays better than + diamonds. The reports of private parties in the + <i>Snail</i> are, however, very good, and if it would + confine its original matter to such subjects, it could + not fail to succeed.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Query for Physicians.</b></p> + + <p>Are people's tastes apt to become Vichy-ated by the + excessive use of certain mineral waters?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>"Behold, how Pleasant a Thing 't is," etc.</b></p> + + <p>Boston has a couple of clergymen who have fallen out + upon matters not precisely theological. In the summer, + the Rev. Mr. MURRAY leaves his sheep, to shoot deer by + torchlight in the Adirondacks. This the Rev. Mr. ALGER, + in addressing the Suppression of Cruelty to Animals + Society, denounces as extremely wicked. From all which Mr + PUNCHINELLO, taking up his discourse, infers,</p> + + <p><i>First</i>. That it is a great deal more wicked to + shoot deer by torchlight than by daylight.</p> + + <p><i>Secondly</i>. That the Rev. MURRAY and the Rev. + ALGER are of different religious persuasions.</p> + + <p><i>Thirdly and lastly</i>. That the Rev. Mr. ALGER + doesn't love venison.</p> + + <p>P. S. Persons desiring to present Mr. PUNCHINELLO with + a fine haunch, (in the season,) may shoot it by daylight, + moonlight, torchlight, or by a Drummond light, as most + convenient.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p>We are indebted to Mr. SARONY for a number of + brilliant photographs of celebrities of the day. Lovely + woman is well represented the batch, with all the + characters of which PUNCHINELLO hopes to present his + readers, from time to time.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="text-align: center;"><small>Entered, according + to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the PUNCHINELLO + PUBLISHING COMPANY,<br> + in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United + States, for the Southern District of + New-York.</small></p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/04.jpg" alt=""> + </center> + + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">ALL ABOARD FOR + HOLLAND</span></p> + + <p>PUNCHINELLO understands that a performance is soon to + take place at the Academy of Music, for the benefit of + GEORGE HOLLAND, the well-known and ever-green "veteran" + of "the stage." It pleases PUNCHINELLO to know that a + combination of talent and beauty is to be brought + together for so worthy a purpose. Seventy-four years ago, + when GEORGE HOLLAND was a small child, PUNCHINELLO used + to dandle him upon his knee. Hardly four years have + passed since PUNCHINELLO was convulsed by the <i>Tony + Lumpkin</i> of HOLLAND. He distinctly remembers, too, + administering hot whiskey punch to little boy HOLLAND + with a tea-spoon, which may in some measure account for + the Spirit subsequently infused by the capital comedian + into the numerous bits of character presented by him. + Considering these facts, it is manifestly an incumbent + duty on the part of PUNCHINELLO to request the earnest + attention of his readers to the subject of GEORGE + HOLLAND'S benefit, all particulars concerning which will + be given due time through the public press. It used to be + said, long ago, that "the Dutch have taken Holland," + Well, let our own modern Knickerbockers improve upon that + notion, by taking HOLLAND'S tickets. Remember how, in the + early settlement of the country, it was Holland that made + New-York, and see that New-York now returns the + compliment, and makes HOLLAND. Convivial songsters + frequently remind us that—</p><span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">—"a Hollander's draught + should potent be,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And deep as the rolling + Zuyder Zee."</span><br> + + <p>Mind this, all ye Hollanders who would give your + support to our HOLLAND. Let your drafts be potent, your + cheeks heavy, your attendance punctual. Make the affair + complete; so that when, here-after, a comparison is + sought for something that has been a sued people will say + of it—"As big as that Bumper of + HOLLAND'S."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>ASTRONOMICAL CONVERSATIONS.</b></p> + + <p>(BY A FATHER AND DAUGHTER RESIDING ON THE PLANET + VENUS.)</p> + + <p><b>No. I.</b></p> + + <p>FATHER (<i>to</i> DAUGHTER, <i>who is looking through a + telescope</i>.) Yes HELENE, that is the Planet Tellus, or + Earth. The darker streaks are land; the bright spots, + water. We begin with a low power, which shows only the + masses; presently you will have the pleasure of + discriminating not only rivers and chains of mountains, + but cities—single houses—even Human + Beings! Yes, you shall this very night read page of + PUNCHINELLO, a paper so bright that every word appears + surrounded by a halo!</p> + + <p>DAUGHTER. O father! do that <i>now</i>. How + delightful, to actually read the works of these singular + creature's, and become familiar with their extraordinary + ideas! Were the scintillations you spoke of the other + night, that were seen all over the Western Continent, the + result of the flashing of these radiant pages?</p> + + <p>F. Undoubtedly, my child; they began with the first + issue of the paper, and have since regularly increased in + brightness, just as It has.</p> + + <p>D. It really seems as though Earth would answer for a + Moon, by and by, at this rate!</p> + + <p>F. You are quite right, HELENE; it will. Or say, + rather, a Sun. For you will observe that it is a + <i>warm</i> light; not cool, as reflected light always + is. It is Original.</p> + + <p>D. Well, this shows that PUNCHINELLO must have some + Heart, as well as Head. Come, put on your highest power + now, and let us seem to pay good old Tellus a visit!</p> + + <p>[<i>The indulgent Father complies, and, is at some + pains to adjust the focus</i>.]</p> + + <p>F. Now, dear! take a good look.</p> + + <p>D. (<i>Looking intently</i>.) Oh! how splendid—how + splendid! <i>Do</i> see the beautiful things in those + Shop Windows! It must be the Spring Season there! + <i>Do</i> see those lovely lumps on the backs of those + creatures' heads! What place is it, Father?</p> + + <p>F. That? It's New-York; and the street is the famous + Broadway.</p> + + <p>D. O dear! how I <i>would</i> like to go shopping + there, this minute!—for I see it is afternoon + in that quarter. Is there no way of getting there?(!!!)</p> + + <p>F. (<i>Laughing heartily</i>.) Well, well, HELENE! + That's pretty good, for the daughter of an astronomer! Do + you know that at this precise moment you are Forty-five + Million, Six Hundred and Fifty-four Thousand, Four + Hundred and Ninety-one Miles and a half from those + Muslins! I'll tell you, Sis, what <i>could</i> be done: + Drop a line to the Editor of PUNCHINELLO, and tell him + what you want. He'll get it, some way.</p> + + <p>D. That I will, instantly! [<i>Turns to her portfolio, + while her father turns to the telescope</i>.]</p> + + <p>"DEAR MR. EDITOR: Pardon the seeming <i>boldness</i> of a + <i>stranger:</i> you are no <i>stranger to me!</i> Long, + <i>long</i> have I deceived that <i>good man</i>, my + father, by <i>pretending</i> to know <i>nothing</i> of + the Earth, or of his <i>instrument!</i> Many and + <i>many</i> a night, <i>unknown to him</i>, have I gone + to the <i>Telescope</i>, to satisfy the <i>restless + craving</i> I feel to know more of <i>your Planet</i>, + and of a <i>person of your sex</i> whom I have + <i>often</i> beheld, and watched with <i>eagerness</i> as + he came and went. How <i>thrilling</i> the thought, that + he cannot even <i>know of my existence</i>, and that we + are <i>forever separated!</i> This, good and <i>dear</i> + Editor, is my one Thought, my one great Agony.</p> + + <p>"It has occurred to me that, in this <i>dreadful</i> + situation—my Passion being sufficiently + Hopeless, as any one may see—you might at least + afford me some slight <i>alleviation</i>, by undertaking + to let Him know of the <i>interest</i> he excites in this + far-off star! Let me describe my charmer, so that you + will be able to identify him. He is of fair size, with a + rolling gait and a smiling countenance, has light hair + and complexion, wears often a White Hat, (on the back of + his head—where Thoughtful men always place the + hat, I've been told by observers,) and now and then + carelessly leaves one leg of his trowsers at the top of + his boot. I have often seen him, with a bundle of papers in + his pocket, entering a large building with the words + "<i>Tribune</i> Office" over the door—and I <i>adore</i> + him! O excellent Editor! tell him this, I <i>implore</i> + you! Be kind to your distant and <i>love-lorn</i> friend, + HELENE."</p> + + <p>F. What did you say, Helene?</p> + + <p>D. I was saying that I wished to look a little longer + at the fashions in Broadway.</p> + + <p>F. Well, well—I believe the Fashions are all + that these women think of! There—look away! I + presume they have changed considerably since you looked + before! When do you wish to begin your lessons in + Astronomy?</p> + + <p>D. Next week. Father; let me see: we will say, next + week—Thursday.</p> + + <p>F. Very well; I shall remind you.</p> + + <p>D. (<i>who is determined to have the last word, any + way</i>.) Very well.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Beach's Soliloquy on + entering his Pneumatic Chamber.</p> + + <p>"TU-BE or not tu-be."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Reflection by a + Tallow-chandler.</p> + + <p>Though a man be the Mould of fashion, yet he cannot + light himself to bed by the Dip in his back.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>PLAYS AND SHOWS.</b></p> + + <p><i><img src="images/05.jpg" align="left" alt="M">EN + AND ACRES,</i> the new comedy at WALLACK'S, is one of the + best of TAYLOR'S pieces, and a decided improvement upon + the carpenter work of BOUCICAULT. It has been + rechristened by Mr. WALLACK, and its former name—<i>Old + Men and New Acres, or New Aches and Old Manors,</i> or + something else of that sort—has been + conveniently shortened. If it does not convince us that + the author has improved since he first began to write + plays, it certainly reminds us that there is such a thing + as <i>Progress</i>. In the latter play, Mr. J.W. WALLACK + was a civil engineer. In the present drama, he is an + uncivil tradesman. Both appeal to the levelling + tendencies of the age; and in each, the author has done + his "level best"—as Mr. GRANT WHITE would + say—to flatter the Family Circle at the expense + of the Boxes.</p> + + <p>The cast includes a Vague Baronet and his Managing + Wife, their Slangy Daughter, their Unpleasant Neighbor + and his wife and daughter, an Unintelligible Dutchman, an + Innocuous Youth, a Disagreeable Lawyer, and the Merchant + Prince. This is the sort of way in which they conduct + themselves,</p> + + <p><i>Act</i> 1. <i>Disagreeable Lawyer to Vague + Baronet:</i> "You are ruined, and your estate is + mortgaged to a Merchant Prince. What do you intend to + do?"</p> + + <p><i>Vague Baronet.</i> "I will ask my wife what I think + about it."</p> + + <p><i>Enter Managing Wife.</i> "Ruined, are we? Allow me + to remark, Fiddlesticks! Get the Merchant to take our + third-story hall-bedroom for a week, and I'll soon clear + off the mortgage."</p> + + <p><i>Enter Slangy Daughter.</i> "O ma! there was such a + precious guy at the ball last night, and I had no end of + a lark with him. Good gracious! here comes the duffer + himself."</p> + + <p><i>Enter Merchant Prince. (Aside.)</i> "So here's the + Vague Baronet and his wife. And there's the slangy girl I + fell in love with. Nice lot they are!" (<i>To Managing + Wife.</i>) "Madam, there is nothing, so grand as the + majesty of trade. Your rank and blood are all gammon. We + Merchant Princes are the only people fit to live. + However, I'll condescend to speak to you."</p> + + <p><i>Managing Wife. (Aside.)</i> "How noble! What a + gentlemanly person he really is!" <i>(To Merchant + Prince.)</i> "Sir, I bid you welcome. Here is my + daughter, who was just praising your beauty and + accomplishments. I leave you to entertain her." + (<i>Exeunt Baronet, Wife, and Lawyer</i>.)</p> + + <p><i>Merchant Prince (placing his chair next to Slangy + Daughter's, and leaning his elbow on her.)</i> "There is + nothing like trade. We tradesmen alone are great. We + despise the whole lot of clean and idle aristocrats. I + keep a Gin Palace in Liverpool. Does your bloated + aristocracy do half as much for suffering humanity?"</p> + + <p><i>Slangy Daughter.</i> "Speak on, speak ever thus, O + Noble Being! It's awfully jolly!"</p> + + <p><i>Curtain falls, and Baker wakes up to lead his + orchestra through the mazes of "Shoo Fly."</i></p> + <hr style="height: 2px; width: 10%;"> + + <p><i>Appreciative Lady.</i> "Isn't it nice? Miss + HENRIQUES'S dress is perfectly beautiful, and it sounds + so cunning to hear her talk slang."</p> + + <p><i>Second Appreciative Lady.</i> "How handsome + ROCKWELL looks! Just like a real baronet, my dear!"</p> + + <p><i>Other Appreciative Ladies.</i> "The dresses at + WALLACK'S are always perfectly exquisite. I mean to have + my next dress made with a green silk fichu, a moire + antique bertha, and little point lace peplums and + gussets, just like Miss MESTAYER'S. Won't it be + sweet?"</p> + + <p><i>All the Counter-Jumpers in the Theatre.</i> "JIM + WALLACK'S the boy! Don't he talk up to those aristocratic + snobs, though?"</p> + <hr style="height: 2px; width: 10%;"> + + <p><i>Act 2. Enter Unpleasant Neighbor and Unintelligible + German. The former says,</i> "You're sure there's an iron + mine on the Baronet's land?"</p> + + <p><i>Unintelligible German.</i> "Ya! Das ist + um-um-um."</p> + + <p><i>Enter Merchant Prince and Slangy Daughter. Exeunt + the other fellows.</i></p> + + <p><i>Merchant Prince.</i> "There is nothing like the + grandeur of trade; and yet we tradesmen are not proud. + See! I offer to marry you."</p> + + <p><i>Slangy daughter.</i> "I love you wildly! + <i>(Aside.)</i> I do hope he won't rumple my hair."</p> + + <p><i>Merchant Prince.</i> "Come to my arrums! The + majesty of trade is so infinitely above any thing + else"—<i>and so forth.</i></p> + + <p><i>Enter Managing Wife.</i> "Take her, noble Merchant, + and be happy <i>(Aside.)</i> This settles the affair of + the mortgage." <i>(To Daughter)</i> "Come, darling, we'll + go and tell your father." <i>(They go.)</i></p> + + <p><i>Enter Unpleasant Neighbor.</i> "Here's a telegram + for you. No bad news, I hope?"</p> + + <p><i>Merchant Prince.</i> "I am ruined unless you lend + me £40,000. Do it, and I will assign to you the + mortgage on the baronet's property. The majesty of trade + is something which"—</p> + + <p><i>Unpleasant Neighbor.</i> "Here it is." + <i>(Aside.)</i> "Now I'll get possession of the estate + and the iron-mine."</p> + + <p><i>Enter Managing Wife.</i> "Ruined, are you? Of + course you can't have my daughter now."</p> + + <p><i>Merchant Prince.</i> "I resign her. We tradesmen + are infinitely greater than you aristocrats."</p> + + <p><i>Curtain falls, Baker wakes up. "Shoo Fly" by the + Orchestra, and remarks on dress by the ladies as before. + Counter-jumpers go out to drink to the majesty of trade, + having grown perceptibly taller since the play + began.</i></p> + <hr style="height: 2px; width: 10%;"> + + <p><i>Act 3. Unprincipled Neighbor to Unintelligible + Dutchman.</i> "Have you got the analysis of the iron + ore?"</p> + + <p><i>Unintelligible Dutchman.</i> "Ya! Das its + um-um-um."</p> + + <p><i>Unprincipled Neighbor.</i> "All right! Now I'll + foreclose the mortgage, and will be richer than + ever."</p> + + <p><i>Enter Vague Baronet, and Wife and Daughter, and + Lawyer. To them collectively remarks the Unprincipled + Neighbor,</i> "The mortgage is due. As you can't pay, + you've got to move out."</p> + + <p><i>Disagreeable Lawyer.</i> "Not much! Here's an + analysis of iron ore found on our land. We raised money + on the mine, and are ready to pay off the mortgage."</p> + + <p><i>Enter Merchant Prince.</i> "Here's an analysis of + the iron ore. I told them all about it. We tradesmen are + great, but we will sometimes help even a wretched + aristocrat."</p> + + <p><i>Slangy Daughter.</i> "Here's an analysis of the + iron ore. Now I will marry my noble Merchant, and make + him rich again; for there's dead loads of iron on the + Governor's land, you bet!"</p> + + <p><i>They all produce analyses of the ore, and the play + itself being o'er, the curtain falls.</i></p> + <hr style="height: 2px; width: 10%;"> + + <p><i>Exasperated critic, who has sent for twelve seats, + and has been politely refused.</i> "I'd like to abuse it, + if there was a chance; but there isn't. The play is + really good, and I can't find much fault with the acting. + However, I'll pitch into STODDARD for swearing, which his + 'Unprincipled Neighbor' does to an unnecessary extent, + and I'll say that JIM WALLACK is too old and gouty to + play the 'Merchant Prince,' and doesn't quite forget that + he used to play in the Bowery."</p> + + <p><i>Every body else.</i> "Did you ever see a play + better acted? And did you ever see actresses better + dressed?"</p> + + <p>And PUNCHINELLO is constrained to answer the latter + question with an emphatic No! As to the acting, it might + be improved were Mr. STODDARD to play the character for + which he is cast, instead of insisting upon playing + nothing but STODDARD. But to all the rest of the actors, + not forgetting Mr. RINGGOLD, who plays the insignificant + part of the "Innocuous Youth," PUNCHINELLO is pleased to + accord his gracious approval.</p> + + <p>MATADOR.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Balmy Idea.</b></p> + + <p>According to Miss ANTHONY, the crying evil with women + is that they will blubber; but it must be remembered that + out of this blubber they make oil to pour into our + conjugal wounds.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Suit for Damages.</b></p> + + <p>Any clothes in a storm.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/06.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>THE POLITICAL MILL-ENNIUM.</b></p> + </center><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HINTS UPON HIGH ART.</p> + + <p>Observant visitors to the National Academy of Design + will allow that a tendency to greatness is beginning to + develop itself in certain directions among our artists. + In landscape some of them are almost immense. The works + of PORPHYRO warm the walls with rays of splendor, or cool + the lampooned sight-line with pearly gradations, as the + case may be. MANDRAKE renders feelingly the summer + uplands and groves, and SILVERBARK the melancholy + autumnal woods. BYTHESEA infuses with sentiment even the + blue wreaths of smoke that curl up from the distant ridge + against which loom the concentrated lovers that he + selects for his idyllic romances. Gushingly he does his + work, but thoroughly; and there are other flowers than + lackadaisies to be discerned in his herbage. GUSTIBUS + blows gently the foliage aside, and gives us glimpses + through it of rural contentment in connection with a + mill, or some other interesting object beyond. The pencil + of SAGEGREEN imbues canvases, both large and small, with + infinite variety and force; and it is to SKETCHMORE that + the great lakes owe their remarkable reputation as pieces + of water with poems growing out of their broad lily-pads. + Very tender are the pastoral banks and brooksides of + LEAFHOPPER. ELFINLOCKS takes up his pencil, and lo! a + hazy, mazy, lazy, dreamy vista where it has touched. But + hold! Our critical Incubus has taken the bit between her + teeth, and is beginning to run away with us. Stop that; + and let our readers enumerate the other first American + landscape painters for themselves.</p> + + <p>Not so strong are our artists in domestic incidents + and compositions of life and character. We have + STUNNINGTON, to be sure, whose traits of American + expression, whether white or colored, are most true to + the life; and there's BARLEYMOW, who will twist you an + eclogue from the tail of his foreground pig. Others there + be; but space has its limits, and we forbear.</p> + + <p>As for our portrait limners, their name is Legion, and + that comprehensive name must go for all. Like BENVENUTO + CELLINI they shall be known for their jugs; and their + transmission to posterity on the heads of families is a + thing to be reckoned on as sure.</p> + + <p>For the higher flights of art the American painter is + by no manner of means endowed with the wings of his + native eagle—wings that agitate the cerulean + vault, spattering it with splashes of creamy cloud-spray, + and churning into butter the stretches of the Milky Way. + History has indeed been illustrated by American art, but + has it been enriched? The WASHINGTONS and the WEBSTERS, + the CLAYS and the LINCOLNS, have had their memories + dreadfully lampooned on canvas. Allegory does not inspire + the great American pencil. Tall art there is, and enough + of it "at that;" but of high art we have none to speak + of, except the canvases that are placed over doorways in + the galleries of the Academy, and, in the sense of + elevation, may consequently be spoken of as high. All + this is wrong. Alas! that we should write it. Would that + we could right it! And to think of the musty subjects + that our historical and allegorical men select. Ho! young + men—away with your CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS; + relegate your METAMORA to his proper limbo; let + WASHINGTON alone; and LINCOLN; and OSCEOLA the Savage; + and POCAHONTAS, and all the rest. Leave them alone; and, + taking fresh subjects, dip your brushes in brains, as old + OPIE or somebody else said, and go to work with a will. + No fresh subjects to be had, you say? Bosh! absurd + interlocutor that you are. Here's a bundle of 'em ready + cut to hand. We charge you no money for them, and you may + take your choice.</p> + + <p>SUBJECTS FOR WORKS OF HIGH ART.</p> + + <p>PROVIDENCE tempering the wind to the shorn lamb.</p> + + <p>ABSENCE OF MIND marking a box of paper shirt-collars + with indelible ink.</p> + + <p>MILTON "going it blind."</p> + + <p>The late Mr. WILLIAM COBBETT teaching his sons to + shave with cold water.</p> + + <p>ST. PATRICK emptying the snakes out of his boots.</p> + + <p>TRUE LOVE never running smooth.</p> + + <p>NO MAN acting <i>Hero</i> to his <i>valet de + chambre</i>.</p> + + <p>ROBERT BONNER taking DEXTER by the forelock with one + hand, and TIME with the other.</p> + + <p>Subjects like these might be worked out to advantage. + The field in which they are to be found is almost + unlimited; and they possess abundantly the two grand + essentials to success in art at the present time, as well + as in literature—novelty and sensation.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>H.G. and Terpsichore.</b></p> + + <p>AMONG the strange revelations about <i>Tribune</i> + people elicited during the MCFARLAND trial, was the bit + of gossip about Mr. GREELEY going to Saratoga to "trip + the light fantastic toe." That Mr. GREELEY'S toe is + "fantastic," every body who has ever inspected his + "Congress gaiters" must know, but as to its lightness we + have our doubts. "What I know about dancing" would be a + capital subject for H.G. to handle, and we hope that he + will take Steps for doing it.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Sweeny's New + Charter.</p><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">How doth + the busy Peter B.,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.75em;">Improve each + shining hour!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">From nettled young + Democracy,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.75em;">He plucks the + safety-flower.</span><br> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>From Rome.</b></p> + + <p>The POPE is said to be "out of Spirits." Why doesn't + he come to New-York, where he can get plenty of the + article, either in the sense of the Tap or in that of the + Rap?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>"He who was Born to be Hanged," etc.</b></p> + + <p>On one of the mornings of the MCFARLAND trial, a very + importunate person attempted to force his way into the + court-room, which, as he was told, was already crowded + "to suffocation." To this he retorted that he "wasn't + born to be suffocated." That's in substance what the late + JACK REYNOLDS said, and <i>he</i> was mistaken.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>The Difference.</b></p> + + <p>Rice riots are reported as raging in all the ports of + Japan. Rye was the principal mover in the famous + conscription riots of New-York.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Celestial Idea</b>.</p> + + <p>No wonder the Chinese theatre in San Francisco is a + success, considering how skilful the actors must be in + catching the Cue.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>JUMBLES</b>.</p> + + <p>Did you ever hear of my friend BOOTSBY? "No." That's + rather queer. I see—you've been out of town. + BOOTSBY is a man of standing—of decided + standing, I may say. He stands, in fact, a great deal. + The heavy standing round he does is enormous when the + limited capacity of a single mortal is taken in view. + BOOTSBY stands round among every class of people, and + especially of politicians and potationers. He stands + round to talk, to hear, and especially to drink. The + power of the man in this last matter is wonderful, and + the puzzle is, that his standing (and perpendicularity) + is not perceptibly affected. Of course there are times + when BOOTSBY'S standing is not so good. In so slippery a + place as Wall Street, it is found to be less certain; + while in a crowd on Broadway, waiting for a bus, it + cannot be said to maintain a very remarkable firmness. + But as a whole, and as the world goes, BOOTSBY is a man + of standing. In the altitude of six feet ten, he may be + called a man of high standing. He feels proud of the + fact. "Is it not better to be a mountain than a mole?" he + often asks in a proudly sneering manner of his neighbor + PUGGS, who is about as far up in the world as the top of + a yard-stick. It is very true that size is not quality, + and a seven-footer may be no better than a three-footer; + but it is observed that a Short Man is rarely any thing + else. His stature is his measure throughout. My own + impression of myself is, that I don't care to be short; + but if the alternative were forced upon me, I should + choose that of person rather than of purse. BOOTSBY does + not care much about money, and he carries very little. + Some people are like BOOTSBY, but most people are not. + The ladies, it is true, never, or rarely, want money. + Like newspapers and club-houses, they are + self-supporting. In fact they surround themselves with + supporters which stay tightly. Mrs. TODD is peculiar in + her wants pecuniary. She, good soul, never wants (or + keeps) money long, but she doesn't want it <i>little</i>. + She prefers it like onions, in a large bunch, and strong. + The reason why most women do not want money is because + they have no use for it. They never dress; they never + wear jewelry; silks and satins have no charms in their + eyes; laces, ribbons, shawls never tempt. To exist and + walk upright in simpleness and quiet is the sum of their + desires. Dear creatures! how is it that they never + want?</p> + + <p>My neighbor, Mr. DROWSE, desires to know where you get + all your funny things for PUNCHINELLO? He knows they are + there, does Mr. DROWSE; for he gets my copy of the penny + postman, and he keeps it, too. It is the only good taste + my neighbor has displayed of late years. I tell Mr. + DROWSE that you make your fun. He further asks, Where? I + tell him in the attic—up there where they keep + the salt. He desires to know the size of attic. Of course + he has never seen your noble, capacious, alabaster + forehead, else he would perceive the source of those + scintillations of light and warmth which radiate + throughout the universe every Saturday for only ten + cents. He is curious also to know about the salt, and + doesn't comprehend how or where you use it. He used to + use it when a boy in catching birds by putting the briny + compound on the tails of the same, and <i>that</i> he + used to call "fun alive;" but he don't see + it—the salt—about PUNCHINELLO. I + suspect Mr. DROWSE doesn't see the sellers, (certainly he + avoids them when PUNCHINELLO is offered, much to my + mortification, and one dime to my cost,) and so is not + likely to discern the source of the fun. I merely + informed Mr. DROWSE that the editor was very tall, very + handsome, with very black skin and rosy hair, (at which + he opened his eyes with astonishment, and asked if I + meant so; at which I said, "Yes, I guess so,") and that + he laughed out of his nose, eyes, head, and hands, as + well as his mouth. DROWSE wants to see the editor very + much. He has seen men with black skins and hearts, (for + he used to know lots of politicians;) but wants to put + his vision on some "rosy hair"—and when he + does, no doubt his gaze will be fixed. It is healthy + sometimes to have the gaze fixed; and often, like + sauce-pans and sermons, it has to be fixed. When Mr. + DROWSE calls at 83, please show him in Parlor 6 with the + Brussels, fresco-work, and lace curtains.</p> + + <p>April is a model month. So serene, steady, clear, and + balmy. Nothing but blue sky, gentle zephyrs, kissing + breezes, genial suns by day and sparkling stars by night. + PUNCHINELLO no doubt likes sparkling + stars—stars of magnitude—stars that + show what they are. PUNCHINELLO perhaps goes to NIBLO'S, + and not only sees plenty stars, but plenty of them. But + of April. It is called "fickle;" but that's a slander. + "Every thing by turns and nothing long"—that is + a libel on which a suit could be hung. The same vile + falsehood is cruelly uttered of some women, when every + body knows, or should know, that these same women are + nothing of the sort. Who ever knew a fickle woman?</p> + + <p>Where in history is there record of such an + Impossibility? Fickle—that implies a change of + mind. What woman ever changed her mind any more than her + hands? Nonsense, avaunt!—banished be slander! + April is <i>not</i> fickle—woman is <i>not</i> + fickle. As one is evenly beautiful, divinely serene, + bewitchingly winning, so is the other sunny, cerulean, + balmy, paradisiacal. April for ever—after that + the rest of the calendar.</p> + + <p>Does PUNCHINELLO believe in the Woman Movement? TODD + does. He believes woman should move as much as man; and + he regards her movement in such numbers to the great West + as full of hope (and husbands) for the sex. Mrs. TODD has + not as yet been irresistibly seized by the movement; but + if TIMOTHY knows himself, he longs for the day when the + seizer may come. Although TODD—who is the + writer of this epistle—says it, who perhaps + shouldn't, lest the shaft of egotism be hurled + mercilessly at him, he does unhesitatingly say that to + aid this movement he would make the greatest of + sacrifices. He is willing to sacrifice his wife and other + female relations upon the sacred altar of the movement, + and contribute liberally to the expense thereof. He is + quite willing they should vote—early and often, + if need be; but he wishes to see the movement go westward + like the Star of Empire—westward + <i>viâ</i> cheerful Chicago. TODD trusts + PUNCHINELLO will espouse this movement; for if it does, + it—the movement, no less than + PUNCHINELLO—will go straight onward and upward; + but not by the route known as the Spout.</p> + + <p>Mucilage is a good thing. It is now extensively used + in Church, State, and Society. We use it largely at the + Veneerfront Avenue Church, of which Rev. Dr. ALEXANDER + PLASTERWELL is pastor. Of course, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, you + know that distinguished church, and have no doubt often + listened to the distinguished Dr. PLASTERWELL. He is a + kind man, has a high forehead, a Roman (Burgundy) nose, + and a sweet, soft head—I should say heart. He + has—great and good man—the largest + faith in mucilage. He often makes it a text, and he + sticks to it, he does—does Dr. PLASTERWELL. + Nothing like mucilage, PUNCHINELLO. It is the hope of the + human race, and the salvation of woman. It is the + Philosopher's Stone in solution; the essence and link + which connects and cements all that is great, good, and + lovely, in the past, present, and future. At least, such + is the humble opinion of</p> + + <p>TIMOTHY TODD.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>HINTS TO CAR CONDUCTORS.</b></p> + + <p>When standing in Printing House Square, your + destination being Grand Street Perry or Bleecker Street, + if a stranger asks whether you are going to Harlem, nod, + as it is considered improper to answer in the negative. + If he finds out the mistake, you can plead deafness.</p> + + <p>When called upon to stop, never attempt to comply. + There are several reasons why you should not. In the + first place, if you did stop, it would show that you have + no will of your own, and since the passage of the + Fifteenth Amendment, <i>all</i> men are equal in this + country.</p> + + <p>You may stop about two blocks from the place named, + just to please yourself and prove your independence; but + take particular care to start the car when the passenger + is half off the steps. If there is a young surgeon in the + neighborhood, you can enter into an arrangement to break + arms and legs in this way with impunity, have the maimed + "carried into the surgery," and share the fees with the + operator. Occasional cases of manslaughter may take + place; but don't mind that, as coroners' juries in + New-York will return verdicts of "death from natural + causes." Besides this, remember that you have a vote, and + that both coroners and judges are dependent upon the + people. When a lame old gentleman hails you, beckon him + furiously to come on, but be sure, at the same time, to + urge the driver to greater speed.</p> + + <p>It is no part of your business to have change, so + never give any, but drive on: people should provide for + and look after their own business and that is none of + yours.</p> + + <p>Always drive through the centre of a target company or + funeral procession, never minding whether you kill one or + more, and then abuse the captain or the undertaker for + his stupidity.</p> + + <p>By the adoption of these essential rules, and by + adding a good deal of incivility, you will soon reach the + top of the wheel of your profession and in due time have + a testimonial presented to you by an admiring and + grateful public.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Out in the Cold.</b></p> + + <p>Commissioner Tweed proposes a new outside Bureau of + the Department of Public Works, for late-Commissioner + MCLEAN. He is to be Superintendent of + Refrigerators.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/08.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>THE LANDING OF THE PILGRIMS.</b></p> + </center> + + <p>ENGRAVED BY SPECIAL PERMISSION FOR PUNCHINELLO, FROM + THE ORIGINAL PAINTING, BY MILES STANDISH, IN THE + COLLECTION OF METHUSELAH PILGRIM, ESQ., OF PILGRIMSVILLE, + MASS.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">TO CAPTAIN HALL.</p> + + <p>(IN ANTICIPATION OF HIS TRIP TO THE + POLE.)</p><span style="margin-left: 3em;">HALL! + HALL!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">D'ye hear our + call?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Or, do you fancy it to + be</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">A weather + sign—merely the pre-</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Monition of a + squall</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3.5em;">At sea!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 4em;">HALL!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">You pay no heed at + all.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Nevertheless, O hardy + mariner!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">(A Snow-Bird brings + this with our kindest love,)</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">We're sorry you + prefer</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Those frigid walks + (ever so far above</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">The 80th parallel, we + guess!)</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To stocks, and tariffs, + and domestic bliss;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Yes, yes,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Captain, we're sorry it + has come to this!</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Why do you madly + thirst</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">For grog that's chopped + up with a hatchet? say!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And tell us of the + first</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Strange thought which + spurred you to go up that way!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Was it the hope that on + some icy coast</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">(Frozen, yourself, + almost!)</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">You'd have the luck to + meet poor FRANKLIN'S ghost?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And has it seemed, + sometimes,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">That drowning might be + pleasanter up there</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Among the icebergs, + native to those climes,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3em;">Than where</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">The surf breaks gently on + some coral-reef,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And sirens sweetly + soothe one's slow despair?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Say, was that your + belief?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And who is BENT?<a name= + "FNanchor*"></a><a href= + "#Footnote_*"><sup>[*]</sup></a></span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Why was <i>he</i> + sent,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">With his Warm Currents + wheeling round the Pole?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">A long, long race must + his disciples run:</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3.5em;">No sun,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3.5em;">No fun,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">No chance to toss a word + to any one;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">And what a + goal?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">As hopefully you + munch</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The flinty biscuit, + watching whale or seal,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Or listening, undaunted, + to the crunch</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Of ice-floes at the + keel,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Say, Sir Intrepid! shall + you really think</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">You pioneer the navies + of the world?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Not while the + chink</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Of well-housed dollars + sounds so pleasantly,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And safer tracks map + out the treacherous sea!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">If that's your dream, oh! + let your sails be furled.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 3.5em;">But, no!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">It is not this! Your + spirit, high and bold,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Scorning all tamer joys, + will have it so!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 3.5em;">No cold</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Can chill its ardor! Such + a soul would sate</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Its deathless craving + in some lofty flight,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Some deed sublime, and + read its shining fate</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">By the Aurora's + light!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">For fruitful fellowship, + it seeks the wild,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The frozen + waste,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Where the world's + venturous heroes—reconciled</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To sunless, shuddering + gloom—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">To joyless + solitude—with ardor taste</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Their dread delights! + and so at last find room,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">'Mid nodding icebergs, + for their watery tomb!</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">For this, we spare + you,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">O dauntless HALL! Once + having breathed that air</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">So pure, so fresh, so + rare!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">And caught the wildness + of the Esquimaux,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">We declare you</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Unfit to live where + beans and lettuce grow!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Leave delving to the + little pitiful mole,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Great soul!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And now, then, for the + Pole!</span><br> + + <p><a name="Footnote_*"></a><a href= + "#FNanchor*">[*]</a> Captain BENT, of Cincinnati, + originator of the new theory of Polar Currents.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/09.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>FINANCIAL RELIEF</b></p> + </center> + + <p>MR BUMBLE BOUTWELL TO MRS. CORNEY FISH. <i>(See Oliver + Twist.)</i> "THE GREAT PRINCIPLE OF FINANCIAL RELIEF IS + TO GIVE THE BUSINESS MEN EXACTLY WHAT THEY DON'T WANT: + THEN THEY GET TIRED OF COMING."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>CONDENSED CONGRESS.</b><p> + + <p><b>SENATE.</b></p> + + <p><img src="images/11.jpg" align="left" alt="">MR. + SUMNER said he was the friend of the oppressed. That, as + was well known, was his regular business. Unfortunately, + the Fifteenth Amendment had rendered the colored man + incapable of being hereafter regarded as an oppressed + creature. He was sorry, but it could not be helped. He + was therefore forced to go down the chromatic scale of + creation and find another class of clients. He found them + in cattle. HOMER had sung about the ox-eyed Juno, and + WALTER WHITMAN about bob veal. COWPER had remarked that + he would not number in his list of friends the man who + needlessly set foot upon a cow. He mentioned these things + merely to show that railway companies had no right to + starve cattle. He proposed an amendment to the + Constitution, to provide that a dinner of at least three + courses should be given to cows daily. Mr. DRAKE was + heartily in favor of the proposition. He had got his feet + in a web, so to speak, by paddling in the political + waters of Missouri, and some people had gone so far as to + call him "quack." He demanded redress.</p> + + <p>Mr. WILSON didn't see the use of all this legislation + to protect animals. Animals had no votes, although he + admitted a partial exception, in that every bull, it had + its ballot. But he had something practical. Here was a + jolly job, the Pacific Railway grant. There was a good + deal more in it than they had made out of any other + GRANT. Mr. THURMAN'S suggestion, that this land ought to + be occupied by actual settlers, he scorned. "Actual + settlers" were of a great deal more use to him in + Massachusetts, where they could vote for him, than in the + territories, where that boon would not be extended to + them. It was much better that they should be occupied by + imaginary settlers, who could pay and not vote. Actual + "settlings" were the dregs of humanity.</p> + + <p>The Georgia bill came up, as it does every day with + much more regularity than luncheon. The Senate has + succeeded in muddling it to that degree of + unintelligibility that nobody has the slightest notion + what it provides. It is, therefore, in a condition to + give rise to infinite debate. After several senators had + said enough for a foundation for thirty columns each in + the <i>Globe,</i> they let it go for the present. The + present was the one promised by Senator WILSON in return + for the Pacific Railway grab grant.</p> + + <p><b>HOUSE.</b></p> + + <p>The House is given over to the tariff. A very + indelicate discussion has been had upon corsets. Mr. + BROOKS was of opinion that the corset would tariff it + were subjected to any more strain in the way of duties. + Mr. MARSHALL remarked that the corset avoided a great + deal of Waist. It was whalebone of his bone, or something + of that sort. It was one of the main Stays of our social + system.</p> + + <p>Mr. SCHENCK made another speech. He ripped up the + foreign corset in a truculent manner. He said that + American corsets were far superior, only American women + had not the sense to see it. The effect of taking off the + duty on corsets would be to take off the corsets.</p> + + <p>Mr. BROOKS called the hooks and ayes on the corsets. + Mr. SCHENCK opposed the call. He had found a simple tape + much preferable. He wished a coffer-dam might be put upon + the roaring BROOKS.</p> + + <p>Somebody at this point brought up a contested election + case; but Mr. LOGAN objected to its being considered. + What, he asked, was the use of wasting time? There was + money in the tariff. There was no money at all in voting + a Democrat out, and a Republican in. They could do that + any day in five minutes. His friend Mr. BUTLER had + recently remarked, one Democrat more or less made no + difference. But Mr. BUTLER forgot that the larger the + majority, the larger the divisor for spoils, and + therefore the smaller the quotient and the "dividend." He + did not know much about arithmetic. He had never been at + West Point; but he believed that a million dollars, for + instance, would go further and fare worse among two + hundred men than among three. If the House were not + careful, there would be a glut of Republicans in it, and + the shares would be pitifully meagre. As for him, he had + a great mind, (derisive cheers)—he repeated, + that he had a great mind to vote for a Democrat next + time.</p> + + <p>In spite of Mr. LOGAN'S warning, the House voted in a + couple or so of Republicans, and then resumed the duty on + wool.</p> + + <p>Mr. Cox thought this wool had been pulled over the + eyes of the house often enough. It reminded him of an + expedition, of which Mr. LOGAN had never heard, in search + of a "Golden Fleece."</p> + + <p>Mr. JENCKES, and Mr. SCHENCK, and Mr. KELLEY called + him to order in behalf of their constituents, who were in + the wool business, and said that "wool" in one form or + another had always been the staple of their political + career.</p> + + <p>Mr. BUTLER said he had a little game worth two of + that. He wanted to buy San Domingo. In this there were + plenty of commissions, and hundreds of thousands of + colored votes.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FIFTEENTH AMENDMENT.</p> + + <p>ALDERMANIC RECEPTION UP-TOWN.</p><span style= + "margin-left: 2.5em;">CAESAR, walk in! Ah POMPEY! how d'e + do?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">This way, CLEM! + Gentlemen, please walk right through!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">GEORGE, how's your + mother? Fine day, PETE—fine day!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Well, how are things + down there at Oyster Bay?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Ah AUNTIE! how's your + rheumatiz, this spring?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Well, Mr. JOHNSON, did + you try that sling?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Why, this is Uncle + STEVE! How-do-you-do.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Uncle? Sit down. What + can I do for you?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Well, Mr. PRINCE! You + must be busy, now.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Whitewashing is the + best thing done, I vow!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Why, hel-lo! REGIS! + From the Cape so soon?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">When do you open, this + year—first of June?</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Come, + gentlemen—some wine? Now, don't + refuse!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">What! temperate? + teetotal? Well, that's news!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">And good news, too! + Well, coffee, then. You see,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">My friends, the + <i>sentiment's</i> the thing with me.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">The real Mocha, AUNTIE! + Simon pure!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Raised by free Arabs. + For I can't endure</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">A single thing that's + flavored with a Wrong!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Yes, AUNTIE, you are + right, I've "come out strong!"</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">So have the Colored + People, I may say!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">(One fact explains the + other, up this way!)</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">They've proved their + strength! It's settled, sure as a gun,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">That every Colored + Voter now counts One!</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Now, gentlemen, you'll + be surprised to find</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">So many people with + your turn of mind!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">But, sure as tricks! + remember what I say—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">You'll learn some + things before Election Day!</span><br> + <br> + <span style= + "margin-left: 2.5em;">POMPEY—'twon't take much + time, (and you can spare it!)</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Try this old fiddle, + picked up in the garret!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Good? It's your fiddle! + AUNTIE, here's a pound</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Of that same genuine + Mocha, ready ground!</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Say, Uncle STEVE, I've + got a fish for you,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Down at the market. + Call again, PETE; do!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">I'll have a job for you + and CAESAR soon:</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">It's only waiting for a + change of moon.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">CLEM, how'd you like a + chance to wait on table?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Or, would you rather + drive, and run my stable?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">GEORGE, in the kitchen + there's a pan of souse!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">Going? All gone? Now, + BRIDGET, air the house!</span><br> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Historic Parallel.</b></p> + + <p>THE JACK CADE movement came near destroying London. + The Ar-Cade movement threatens to destroy + Broadway.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/12.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>A CHEAP LUXURY.</b></p> + </center> + + <p>SNIFFLES LOVES THE SMELL OF ROASTED CHESTNUTS, AND + ENJOYS IT FOR HOURS EVERY DAY; BUT HE NEVER EATS + ANY—WHICH ACCOUNTS FOR THE JOYOUS EXPRESSION ON + THE FACE OF THE VENDER.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>BUSINESS.</b></p> + + <p>A CHICAGO LAY.</p><span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">I + saw her sweet lip quiver,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">As he started for the + store.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Because he hadn't + kissed her</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">"Several" times or + more.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">She cried "This horrid + business!"</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And then flew to her + glass;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">"Oh! why his cold + remissness?</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Have I grown plain, + alas?"</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">But no, that truthful + article</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Revealed her charms + intact,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">She hadn't lost one + particle,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">But had improved, in + fact.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">At nine the case was + opened,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">At ten the case was + o'er;</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">The jury brought their + virdict—</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">She was his wife no + more.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">That night the husband + started,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And—"<i>you</i> + bet"—he swore,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">To find his wife + departed,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And "<i>To Let</i>" on + the door.</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">Next day he moved and + married.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">And, that his bride might + stay,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.5em;">He kissed her every + morning</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 2em;">Before he went + away.</span><br> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Pot-umania.</b></p> + + <p>A correspondent writes that a new mania has sprung up + among the ladies of Edinburgh—a fancy for + learning to cook. There is a much older mania in some + parts of that country—a fancy for something to + cook.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>About a Foot.</b></p> + + <p>A BOOT when it's on.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>IMPORTANT TO PUBLISHERS.</b></p> + + <p>One of our corps of Philosophers (a trifle visionary, + perhaps) has been speculating as to certain possible (or, + perhaps, impossible) results flowing from the practice + among publishers of ante-dating their monthly issues. + Thus, supposing that the world should be destroyed by + fire (and why not? it is bad enough) on the 15th of May, + 1870, and a cover of, say, <i>Putnam's</i> for June, + carried up by an air-current, should, after floating + about ever so long in space, finally descend on some + friendly planet—we will say, Venus. Here it + would naturally get picked up by an archaeologist, (who + would be on the spot looking out for it,) and the + interesting relic would be promptly and reverently + deposited among the other Vestiges of Creation, in the + Royal Cabinet. In the course of years, some historian + would probably have occasion to turn over these + curiosities, and would presently light on the scorched + but still legible waif. "Why," says he, in astonishment, + "I thought the earth was burnt on the 15th of May! To be + sure, it was <i>in the night</i>, and nobody saw it go, + [think of that, conceited Worldling!] but it was missed + by somebody the day after. But here we have a document + from the late unfortunate planet dated the first of + June!"</p> + + <p>Of course, upon this the History of the Universe would + have to be rewritten, or that odd fortnight would play + the mischief somewhere!</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Boston Boy.</b></p> + + <p>HUB-BUB.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>"Curses Come Home to Roost."</b></p> + + <p>They are putting the Fifth Avenue pavement in front of + the City Hall.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>To Politicians.</b></p> + + <p>Will the working of the Fifteenth Amendment oblige a + candidate to show his Color before election?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>So We Go!</b></p> + + <p>We notice, with much agitation and a reasonable amount + of grief, that somebody in Philadelphia (possibly Miss + ANNA DICKINSON) has invented a machine for the laundry + called The King Washer! A few years ago it would have + been The Queen Washer; but in these days the name seems + to indicate that to Man, unhappy Man, will speedily be + committed the destinies of the weekly washing. Oh! the + rubbing, the rinsing, the wringing. But Mr. PUNCHINELLO + has already communicated to Mrs. PUNCHINELLO his + sentiments upon this subject. Under no circumstances will + he get at the family linen. He must make a stand + somewhere, and he makes it here.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Let them Bark.</b></p> + + <p>Miss BARKALOW has been admitted to practice at the bar + in St. Louis. We have frequently before seen young ladies + at a bar, where others practiced more than they did; but + we do not see why, if Miss BARKALOW wishes to bark aloud, + she should not be allowed to bark, aloud or otherwise. + Barking may be particularly good in a cross-examination; + but we presume that a lady attorney's bark will be always + worse than her bite.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>"She Stoops to Conquer."</b></p> + + <p>The girl with the Grecian Bend.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Query.</b></p> + + <p>Is it allowable for a Temperance man to be Cordial to + his friends?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Weak as Water.</b></p> + + <p>Our cynical friend A. QUARIUS writes us from + Philadelphia, that considering the manner in which the + Sunday liquor law is enforced in that city, he thinks his + native place is still entitled—perhaps more + than ever entitled to be called the city of Rye-tangles. + This is ungrateful.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">SPIRITUAL SUSCEPTIBILITY OF + CATS.</p> + + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Our Society has been very learnedly + debating as to whether Cats are susceptible of spiritual + impressions; and, although the burden of opinion inclines + to the negative of the question, I am firmly persuaded + there is much to justify a contrary judgment.</p> + + <p>As I slept the other night, neither dreaming nor + holding psychological intercourse of any description with + outsiders, I was awakened suddenly about the first hour + of the morning by a noise. I am quite certain it was a + noise, and have therefore no hesitation in so recording + it. The new moon hung athwart the western sky, and a few + fleecy clouds were chasing each other like snow-drifts + across the blue vault of the night. I may likewise note + the fact that the stars were doing what they usually do, + notwithstanding the difference of opinion that sometimes + exists as to what that is. It was the evening after + "wash-day," and family linen, in graceful curves and + undulating outlines, everywhere met the eye as it turned + from contemplating the stars to contemplating the + clothes-lines in the gardens. But I wander. The noise? + Ah! yes. Well, it was not like the collision of two hard + substances, but rather of the heavy "thud" order of + sound, like the descent of a solid into a soft substance; + say, for instance, of a flat-iron into a jar of unrisen + buck-wheat batter. I glanced along the ghostly battalions + of family linen; along the fences traversed by feline + sentries; along the latticed arbors; but nothing to + indicate the origin of the alarm could be discovered, and + as at that moment a breeze stirred in the apartment, + producing a chilling sensation, I thought it prudent to + jump back into bed.</p> + + <p>Next morning, upon making my usual visit to note the + progress of the early bulbs in the flower-beds, I + encountered at the further end of the garden the remains + of a cat—a portly and ancient grimalkin of the + sterner sex. Close at hand was a bottle lying face + downward, and corked. I raised it—first in my + hands, and then to my lips. The cork fell out, + accidentally as it were, and, as a consequence, death. + "Poor thing!" I murmured; "poor—" and a portion + of the contents glided carelessly down my throat. I + perceived that the liquid was "Old Rye." As I stooped + down, tears would have come to my eyes; but it was + useless, seeing that the breath had left the + unfortunate's body. Nevertheless, I rested my hand a + moment upon his head, and then glided it in a + semi-professional manner along the line of dorsal + elevation, until I came to a deep depression in his + backbone, which corresponded exactly with the convexity + of the bottle. Then I saw at once how it was; this + missile, (in the heat of passion, being mistaken for an + empty one, probably,) had been hurled by some treacherous + hand upon the unsuspecting Tom, striking him midway + between the root of the tail and the base of the brain, + causing instant suspension of his vertebral + communications, "Poor thing! You were the victim of a + Catastrophe. You were also the victim of the bottle. The + 'Rye' was too heavy for you, and should have been drawn + milder." This said, I turned sadly away to find a burial + spade, and it then occurred to me that this little + incident was kindly meant to confirm my view that cats + are susceptible, even to a fatal extent, of spiritual + impressions—especially when conveyed by spirits + of "Old Rye."</p> + + <p>GOBBO.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>From the Tombs.</b></p> + + <p>When a drunken man has been locked up for beating his + wife, it is reasonable to suppose that he must feel + rather the worse for lick her.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/13.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>PERSONAL GOSSIP.</b></p> + + <p>(From the Daily Press.)</p> + + <p>"A SON OF ONE OF OUR WEALTHIEST RESIDENTS DISPLAYS + GREAT<br> + TALENTS AS A SCULPTOR. HE IS BUT NINE YEARS OLD."</p> + </center><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A BIT OF NATURAL HISTORY.</b></p> + + <p>Naturalists tell us that the <i>Aye-aye</i> is a small + animal of Madagascar, with sharp teeth, long claws, and a + tail; which eats whatever it can grab, and says nothing + day or night but <i>aye-aye</i>. Now, we find that, + AGASSIZ to the contrary notwithstanding, this strange and + not very useful animal is indigenous to the State of + Pennsylvania. It especially frequents Harrisburg; and may + be seen and heard any day there, in the Senate or House. + Being an active member of that House, your correspondent + has been present during the passage of three hundred + bills within a week or two, in about one hundred and ten + of which he had some personal interest.</p> + + <p>Lifting his eyes one day from his newspaper, when the + Speaker took the vote on an "Act to amend the + Incorporation of the City of Philadelphia," which your + correspondent happened to know included the presentation + of a three-story brownstone front to each of a committee + of six members of the House, he found there was not one + member in his seat; but, in the place of a few, there was + a company of these remarkable <i>Aye-ayes</i>, responding + duly to the call for a vote; but never a <i>no</i> among + them. No, no!</p> + + <p>Now, your correspondent holds the deliberate opinion + that, in several respects, these aforesaid small animals + of Madagascar might be an improvement upon the average + Pennsylvania legislators. And, if your correspondent had + to do with getting up the other one hundred and ninety + bills, as he did the one hundred and ten, all right: + Otherwise, <i>not</i>. How does PUNCHINELLO regard + it?</p> + + <p>Yours, LEGISLATOR.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>An Augean Job.</b></p> + + <p>PUNCHINELLO has telegraphed to Governor GEARY his + approval of the "Sewage Utilization" bill at Harrisburg, + on one condition: that the first piece of work be + finished up by the members of the Pennsylvania + Legislature with their own hands; that work to be, to + make up into <i>decent</i> manure, <i>deodorized</i> and + <i>disinfected</i>, all bills passed at the late session + of their House and Senate. Since, however, complete + deodorization is probably <i>impossible</i>, PUNCHINELLO + advises also that the said members be required to cart + all their stuff out to the Bad Lands of Nebraska, and + remain there to make the best use of it; or else make a + contract with Captain HALL to ship it and them to the + Arctic regions at once.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>On the Finances.</b></p> + + <p>Says Crispin, "Did not somebody say it was BOUTWELL in + the Treasury now? A great mistake. About well, to be + sure! When the newspaper men have 111-1/2 of gold, and I + haven't a round dollar! Where did they get it? And then + the legal tender question. I never asked but <i>one</i> + tender question in all my life, and that was to SUSAN and + she said, Yes. And then we were legally married. Nobody + ought to ask such questions <i>out loud</i>; it's not + <i>decent</i>. And <i>fine answering</i> an't much + better. Financiering, is it? Ah! well. <i>Specious + assumption</i>, too; but that requires brass, and I want + <i>gold</i>. Meantime, who's got a twenty-five cent + note?"</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Massachusetts Flats.</b></p> + + <p>Massachusetts must abound in Flats. Its Legislature is + annually agitated from the sands of Cape Cod to the hills + of Berkshire over the question. It is said to be wisdom + to set a rogue to catch a rogue. Is it equally so to set + a flat to catch one?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>NATIONAL TAXIDERMY.</b></p> + + <p><img src="images/14.jpg" align="left" alt= + "P">UNCHINELLO has for some time past carefully + considered the subject of our national tariff of imposts, + (<i>that is to say, he happened to see, in a Tribune, the + other day, that lucifer matches were now to be stamped + separately, and not by the box, as heretofore</i>) and he + has come to the conclusion, after duly weighing in his + mind all the arguments for and against the present system + of taxation, (<i>that is to say, he made up his mind the + minute he read the article</i>,) that what the present + tariff needs, is a more thorough application and a better + classification; or, what the technologists call Taxonomy, + which term is suggested to him by a work on the subject + which he has been recently studying. (<i>That is to say, + he looked in the dictionary to find out what Taxidermy + meant, and seeing Taxonomy there, snapped it up for a + sort of collateral pun</i>.) As an illustration of what + our impost legislators (or imposters) ought to be, let us + take the Taxidermist. He is one who takes from an animal + every thing but his skin and bones, and stuffs him up + afterward with all sorts of nonsense. Now, our National + Taxidermists ought to take a lesson from their original. + Many of the good people of the United States have much + more left them than their skin and bones. Why is not all + that taken? The condition of the ordinary stuffed animal + of the shops is strikingly significant of what should be + expected of loyal communities. (<i>That is to say, + communities which vote a certain ticket which need not be + named here</i>.) It is often said that there are things + which flesh and blood will not bear. Now, a thorough + system of Taxidermy remedies all this. A stuffed 'possum, + for instance, having no flesh or blood, will bear any + thing. When the people of this country are thoroughly + cleaned out, they will be just as docile. Among the + things which PUNCHINELLO would recommend as fit subjects + of taxation, is a man's expenses. They have not been + taxed yet. If he pays for his income, why not for his + outgoes? The immense sums that are annually expended in + this country for this, that, and the other thing ought + certainly to yield a revenue to the government. (<i>That + is to say, there ought to be a new army of collectors and + assessors appointed. P. knows lots of good men out of + office</i>.) And then there's a man's time. Why not tax + that? Nearly every man spends a lot of time, and he ought + to pay for it. As it would be our tax, it could not be a + very minute tax, although it is only the second tax which + we have suggested. (<i>That is to say—something + pun-ny</i>.) And besides these things, there's energy. We + often hear of a man's energies being taxed; but, so far + as the matter is apparent to the naked eye, it is + difficult to see whose energies are taxed for the good of + the government at the present day. This subject should + certainly be investigated. (<i>That is to say, a + committee of Congressmen should be appointed, with power + to send for persons, papers, and extra compensation</i>.) + Politics, too. Every man has his politics, (<i>that is to + say, every man except Bennett</i>,) and they ought to be + taxed, if for no other reason than the great impetus the + measure would give to the erection of fences throughout + the land. And letters, too. If every one sent by the mail + should yield one cent to the Treasury, how the currency + would be inflated in that locality! (<i>That is to say, + in the locality to which the collectors would + abscond</i>.) But it is impossible, with the limited time + at his disposal, for PUNCHINELLO to enter into a full + examination and elucidation of this subject. (<i>That is + to say, he can't think of any more illustrations just + now, and the printer wouldn't stand any more, if he + could</i>.) But it must be admitted that the great task + of opening up the country, of which we hear so much, will + never be complete until the Washington skinners and + stuffers get us all into the prepared specimen condition. + (<i>That is to say, when the people are all willing + to</i> "<i>dry up</i>.")</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">JOHN CHINAMAN'S + BILLING AND COOING.</span>—Pigeon + English.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>CABLE NEWS.</b></p> + + <p>(EXCLUSIVELY FOR PUNCHINELLO.)</p> + + <p>QUEEN ISABELLA has sent her compliments to + Señor CASTELAR, as well as to General PRIM, + informing them that, on the whole, she thinks she will + <i>not</i> return to the throne of Spain. It does not + agree with her quiet and refined tastes and habits to + live so much in public. All she wants now is a little + <i>château en Espagne</i>. She proposes to send + her son, Prince of ASTURIAS, to Professor CASTELAR, to + study modern history. Is it not odd, by the way, that a + country so long <i>Mad-rid-den</i> as Spain, should have + now a governor with such a name as PRIM? But, what's in a + name? BOURBON, by any other name, would smell as sweet. + Some, however, prefer Old Rye. I prefer <i>water</i> to + both; <i>especially</i> to BOURBON.</p> + + <p>It's an old story that <i>two positives make a + negative</i>. Paris news tells us that a late will case + has exemplified this. COMTE, you know, was a + <i>positive</i> philosopher. He had a positive wife. She + had a will of her own. He wrote a will of his own. + Consequently, it got into court. Mme. COMTE it seems, who + did not agree with the philosophy while the philosopher + lived, wanted his MSS. after his death. Positively, the + court did not see it in that light; and so the negative + came out. It was a case of no go, or <i>non-ego</i>, as + HEGEL might have called it. Did you ever read HEGEL? I + didn't; and I advise you not to begin. It won't pay. I am + told that he divided all things into Egos, She goes, and + Non-egos, or No-goes. The latter particularly; So do + I.</p> + + <p>But to return to Spain; or rather to Paris. Don + FRANÇOIS D'ASSISSI has, it appears, suddenly + discovered that his wife is not Queen of Spain so much as + she was. Much less so. So, he has found her company + rather expensive than agreeable; and proposes to abdicate + it. Not so <i>very</i> much of an ass, is he? Bravo for + Don FRANÇOIS!</p> + + <p>In London, <i>to-morrow</i> will be made famous in + literature by <i>the</i> great dinner in honor of the + advent of PUNCHINELLO. Mr. PUNCH is talked of to preside. + An unprecedented rush for tickets has begun. More about + it in my next.</p> + + <p>PRIME.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Cutting.</b></p> + + <p>We see extensively advertised the "Saxon Razor;" but + have not yet summoned up sufficient courage to try this + article, which "no gentleman's dressing-case should be + without." We cannot dispossess our minds of the + apprehension of cutting ourselves, remembering that line + descriptive of the combat between FITZ-JAMES and RODERICK + DHU, in which it is said, that,</p><span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">"----thrice the Saxon blade + drank blood."</span><br> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Musical.</b></p> + + <p>The vocal abilities of hens are admitted; but they + rarely attempt the Chro-matic scale.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>De Jure.</b></p> + + <p>No man can now be a juror who knows any thing about + the case which he is to try. Thus a juryman was + challenged in the MCFARLAND case merely because he + belonged to Dr. BELLOWS's church. It was held that he + might possibly have got Wind of the matter while + listening to the Doctor's discourse.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>BOOK NOTICES.</b></p> + + <p>AN OLD-FASHIONED GIRL. By LOUISA M. ALCOTT. Boston: + ROBERTS BROTHERS. New-York: D. APPLETON & Co.</p> + + <p>The author of "Little Women" seeks, and not without + success, to draw from her "Old-Fashioned Girl" a contrast + and a moral. She presents to our view two young ladies of + opposite "styles." One is fresh and rural: the other + isn't. The difference between country and city + bringing-up is the point aimed at; and the difference is + about as great as that between the warbling of woodside + birds and the jingle of one of OFFENBACH'S tunes on a + corner barrel-organ. The book is neatly set forth, with + illustrations by Messrs. ROBERTS, BROTHERS, of + Boston.</p> + + <p>RED AS A ROSE IS SHE. By the author of "Cometh up as a + Flower," etc. New-York: D. APPLETON & Co.</p> + + <p>A readable book, notwithstanding that there are + several naughty characters in it, or perhaps + <i>because</i> there are. Probably it depicts with truth + the kind of society presented. If so, all the worse for + society. Shall we never again have healthful, virtuous + novels of the old school, such as "Tom Jones?" The book + is published in tasteful form by Messrs. D. APPLETON + & Co.</p><br> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table style= + "width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center;" rowspan="2"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. STEWART + & CO.<br> + <br></big></big></p> + + <p><small>ARE OFFERING</small></p> + + <p><big>Extraordinary Inducements,</big></p> + + <p><small>IN PRICE, STYLE, AND QUALITY,</small></p> + + <p>TO HOUSEKEEPERS</p> + + <p><small><small>IN</small></small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Linens, + Sheetings,</big></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">DAMASKS,<br> + NAPKINS, TOWELLINGS,</p> + + <p><b>DRESS LINENS, PRINTED LINENS,</b></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FLANNELS, BLANKETS,<br> + QUILTS,</p> + + <p><big>COUNTERPANES, SHEETINGS,</big></p> + + <p>Bleached and Brown Cottons,</p> + + <p>Standard American Prints, etc., etc.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Ave., 9th and 10th + Sts.</p> + </td> + + <td style="text-align: center;" rowspan="2"> + <p><i>The two great objects of a learner's ambition ought + to be to speak a foreign language idiomatically, and to + pronounce it correctly; and these are the objects which + are most carefully provided for in the</i> MASTERY + SYSTEM.</p> + + <p><big><big><b>The Mastery of + Languages;</b></big></big></p> + + <p>OR,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">THE ART OF SPEAKING + LANGUAGES IDIOMATICALLY.</p> + + <p>BY THOMAS PRENDERGAST.</p><i style= + "font-weight: bold;">I. Hand-Book of the Mastery + Series.<br> + II. The Mastery Series. French.<br> + III. The Mastery Series. German.<br> + IV. The Mastery Series. Spanish.</i><br> + + <p>PRICE 50 CENTS EACH.</p> + + <p><i>From Professor E. M. Gallaudet,<br> + of the National Deaf Mute College.</i></p> + + <p>"The results which crowned the labor of the first week + were so astonishing that he fears to detail them fully, + lest doubts should be raised as to his credibility. But + this much he does not hesitate to claim, that, after a + study of less than two weeks, he was able to sustain + conversation in the newly-acquired language on a great + variety of subjects."</p> + + <p><b>FROM THE ENGLISH PRESS.</b></p> + + <p>"The principle may be explained in a line—it + is first learning the language, and then studying the + grammar, and then learning (or trying to learn) the + language."—<i>Morning Star</i>.</p> + + <p>"We know that there are some who have given Mr. + Prendergast's plan a trial, and discovered that in a few + weeks its results had surpassed all their + expectations."—<i>Record</i>.</p> + + <p>"A week's patient trial of the French Manual has + convinced me that the method is + sound."—<i>Papers for the Schoolmaster</i>.</p> + + <p>"The simplicity and naturalness of the system are + obvious."—<i>Herald</i> (Birmingham.)</p> + + <p>"We know of no other plan which will infallibly lead + to the result in a reasonable time."—<i>Norfolk + News</i>.</p> + + <p><b>FROM THE AMERICAN PRESS.</b></p> + + <p>"The system is as near as can be to the one in which a + child to talk."—<i>Troy Whig</i>.</p> + + <p>"We would advise all who are about to begin the study + of languages to give it a trial."—<i>Rochester + Democrat</i>.</p> + + <p>"For European travellers this volume is + invaluable."—<i>Worcester Spy</i>.</p> + + <p>Either of the above volumes sent by mail free to any + part of the United States on receipt of price.</p> + + <p>D. APPLETON & CO., Publishers,</p> + + <p>90, 92, and 94 Grand Street, New York.</p> + </td> + + <td style="text-align: center;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BURCH'S</p> + + <p><big><big><big><b>Merchant's + Restaurant</b></big></big></big></p> + + <p>AND</p> + + <p><big><b>DINING-ROOM,</b></big></p> + + <p>310 BROADWAY,</p> + + <p>BETWEEN PEARL AND<br> + DUANE STREETS.</p> + + <p><i>Breakfast from 7 to 10 A.M.<br></i></p> + + <p><i>Lunch and Dinner from 12 to 3 P.M<br></i></p> + + <p><i>Supper from 4 to 7 P.M.</i></p> + + <p>M. C. BURCH, of New-York.</p> + + <p>A. STOW, of Alabama.</p> + + <p>H. A. CARTER, of Massachusetts.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big>HENRY L. STEPHENS</big></p> + + <p><big>ARTIST</big>,</p> + + <p>No. 160 Fulton Street,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center" rowspan="2"> + <p><big><big><big><b>A. T. Stewart & + Co.</b></big></big></big></p> + + <p><small>HAVE OPENED A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">LADIES' PARIS MADE + DRESSES</p> + + <p><small>AND</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">WALKING SUITS,</p> + + <p><small>In Silk, Poplin, and Linen,</small></p> + + <p>ENTIRE NEW DESIGNS.</p> + + <p><big><big><b>FRENCH SILK CLOAKS,</b></big></big></p> + + <p><small>AND</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">SHORT STREET SACQUES.</p> + + <p>Children's Cloaks, Ladies' Breakfast Jackets,</p> + + <p><small>Ladies' Pique, Swiss, and Cambric</small></p> + + <p><b>Morning Robes and Walking Suits,</b></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>LADIES' + UNDERGARMENTS</small></p> + + <p><small>Of every description.</small></p> + + <p>French, German, and Domestic Corsets,</p> + + <p><small>Woven and hand-made.</small></p> + + <p>JUST RECEIVED.</p> + + <p>AT EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE PRICES,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Fourth Ave., Ninth and + Tenth Sts.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center" rowspan="2"> + <p><big><big><b>RED AS A ROSE IS SHE.</b></big></big></p> + + <p><i>Third Edition.</i></p> + + <p>D. APPLETON & CO.,</p> + + <p>90, 92, and 94 Grand Street,</p> + + <p>Have now ready the Third Edition of</p> + + <p><big><big><b>RED AS A ROSE IS SHE.</b></big></big></p> + + <p>By the Author of "Cometh up as a Flower."</p> + + <p>1 vol. 8vo. Paper Covers, 60 cents.</p> + + <p>From the New York <i>Evening Express</i>.</p> + + <p>"This is truly a charming novel; for half its contents + breathe the very odor of the flower it takes as its + title."</p> + + <p>From the Philadelphia <i>Inquirer</i>.</p> + + <p>"The author can and does write well; the descriptions + of scenery are particularly effective, always graphic, + and never overstrained."</p> + + <p>D. A. & Co. have just published:</p> + + <p>A SEARCH FOR WINTER SUNBEAMS IN THE RIVIERA, CORSICA, + ALGIERS, AND SPAIN.</p> + + <p>By Hon. S. S. Cox. Illustrated. Price, $3.</p> + + <p>REPTILES AND BIRDS: A POPULAR ACCOUNT OF THE VARIOUS + ORDERS, WITH A DESCRIPTION OF THE HABITS AND ECONOMY OF + THE MOST INTERESTING.</p> + + <p>By Louis Figuler. Illustrated with 307 wood-cuts. 8vo, + $6.</p> + + <p>HEREDITARY GENIUS: AN INQUIRY INTO ITS LAWS AND + CONSEQUENCES.</p> + + <p>By Francis Galton. 1 vol. 8vo. $3.50.</p> + + <p>HAND-BOOK OF THE MASTERY SERIES OF LEARNING + LANGUAGES.<br> + I. THE HAND-ROOK OF THE MASTERY SERIES.<br> + II. THE MASTERY SERIES, FRENCH.<br> + III. THE MASTERY SERIES, GERMAN.<br> + IV. THE MASTERY SERIES, SPANISH.<br> + Price, 50 cents each.</p> + + <p>Either of the above sent free by mail to any address + on receipt of the price.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>Important to + Newsdealers!</small></p> + + <p>ALL ORDERS FOR</p> + + <p><big><big><b>PUNCHINELLO</b></big></big></p> + + <p>Will be supplied by</p> + + <p>OUR SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE AGENTS,</p> + + <p><b>American News Co.</b></p> + + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>J. NICKINSON</b></big></p> + + <p>BEGS TO ANNOUNCE TO THE FRIENDS OF</p> + + <p><big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO"</b></big></big></p> + + <p>RESIDING IN THE COUNTRY, THAT,</p> + + <p>FOR THEIR CONVENIENCE</p> + + <p><small>HE HAS MADE ARRANGEMENTS BY WHICH, ON RECEIPT + OF THE PRICE OF</small></p> + + <p><b>ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED,</b></p> + + <p>THE SAME WILL BE FORWARDED, POSTAGE PAID.</p> + + <p><small>Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our + Publishing Houses, can have the same forwarded by + inclosing two stamps.</small></p> + + <p>OFFICE OF</p> + + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,<br></b></p> + + <p><b>83 Nassau Street.</b></p> + + <p>[P. O. Box 2783.]</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table width="800" align="center" border="1" cellpadding="2" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td rowspan="2" width="66%"> + <center> + <img src="images/16.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>A SUCCESSFUL CATCH.</b></p> + + <p><i>John Bull.</i> "WELL, GENERAL, HOW DID YOU CATCH + YOUR FISH?"<span style= + "font-style: italic;"><br></span> <i>General Prim.</i> + "WITH A SPANISH FLY."</p> + </center> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">WALTHAM + WATCHES.</span></big></p> + + <p><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">3-4 + PLATE.</span><span style= + "font-style: italic;"><br></span></p> + + <p><i><br> + 16 and 20 Sizes.</i></p> + + <p><small>To the manufacture of these fine Watches the + Company have devoted all the science and skill in the art + at their command, and confidently claim that, for + fineness and beauty, no less than for the greater + excellence of mechanical and scientific correctness of + design and execution, these watches are unsurpassed + anywhere.</small></p> + + <p><small>In this country the manufacture of this fine + grade of Watches is not even attempted except at + Waltham.</small></p> + + <p>FOR SALE BY ALL LEADING JEWELLERS.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bowling Green + Savings-Bank,<br></span></big></p> + + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">33 + BROADWAY,<br></span></p> + + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">NEW-YORK.</span></p> + + <p><i>Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M</i>.</p> + + <p>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten Thousand + Dollars, will be received.</p> + + <p>Six Per Cent Interest,<br> + Free of Government Tax.</p> + + <p>INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS</p> + + <p>Commences on the first of every month.</p> + + <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President.</i></p> + + <p>REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary.</i></p> + + <p>WALTER ROCHE, EDWARD HOGAN, + <i>Vice-Presidents.</i></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table style= + "width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <center> + <h2>PUNCHINELLO:</h2> + + <h1><b>TERMS TO CLUBS.</b></h1> + + <p>WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS</p> + </center> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>FIRST:</small></small></p> + </center> + + <p><i>DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER,</i></p> + + <p>The most complete and desirable machine ever yet + introduced for spinning purposes.</p> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>SECOND:</small></small></p> + </center> + + <p><i>BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES.</i></p> + + <p>These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, + as well as useful; and every lady should have one, as + they can make every conceivable kind of crochet or fancy + work upon them.</p> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>THIRD:</small></small></p> + </center> + + <p><i>BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER.</i></p> + + <p>This is the most perfect and complete machine in the + world. It knits every thing.</p> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>FOURTH:</small></small></p> + </center> + + <p><i>AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND + SEWING-MACHINE.</i></p> + + <p>This great combination machine is the last and + greatest improvement on all former machines. No. 1, with + finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and Cover, complete, + price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the buttonhole + parts, etc., price, $60.</p> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small>WE WILL SEND THE</small></p> + </center> + + <table align="center" border="0" cellpadding="6" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td align="left" colspan="2">Family Spinner,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $8,</td> + + <td align="left">for 4 subscribers and $16.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left" colspan="2">No.1 Crochet,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $8,</td> + + <td align="left">for 4 subscribers and $16.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left" colspan="2">No.2 Crochet,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $15,</td> + + <td align="left">for 6 subscribers and $24.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left" colspan="2">No.1 Automatic + Knitter,<br> + 72 needles,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $30,</td> + + <td align="left">for 12 subscribers and $48.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left" colspan="2">No.2 Automatic + Knitter,<br> + 84 needles,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $33,</td> + + <td align="left">for 13 subscribers and $52.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left" colspan="2">No.3 Automatic + Knitter,<br> + 100 needles,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $37,</td> + + <td align="left">for 15 subscribers and $60.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left">No.4 Automatic Knitter,</td> + + <td align="left">2 cylinders,<br> + 72 needles<br> + 1 100 needles</td> + + <td align="left">price, $40.</td> + + <td align="left">for 16 subscribers and $64.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left" colspan="2">No. 1 American + Buttonhole<br> + and Overseaming Machine,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $75,</td> + + <td align="left">for 30 subscribers and $120.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left">No. 2 American Buttonhole<br> + and Overseaming Machine,</td> + + <td align="left">without buttonhole<br> + parts, etc.,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $60,</td> + + <td align="left">for 25 subscribers and $100.</td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Descriptive Circulars</p> + + <p>Of all these machines will be sent upon application to + this office, and full instructions for working them will + be sent to purchasers.</p> + + <p>Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, + may deduct seventy-five cents upon each full subscription + sent for four subscribers and upward, and after the first + remittance for four subscribers may send single names as + they obtain them, deducting the commission.</p> + + <p>Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank + Checks, or Drafts on New-York City; or if these can not + be obtained, then by Registered Letters, which any + post-master will furnish.</p> + + <p>Charges on money sent by express must be prepaid, or + the net amount only will be credited.</p> + + <p>Directions for shipping machines must be full and + explicit, to prevent error. In sending subscriptions give + address, with Town, County, and State.</p> + + <p>The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per + year, payable quarterly in advance, at the place where it + is received. Subscribers in the British Provinces will + remit twenty cants in addition to subscription.</p> + + <p>All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed + to P.O. Box 2783.</p><br> + + <p>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY</p> + + <p>No. 83 Nassau Street,</p> + + <p>NEW-YORK</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <p style="text-align: center;"><small>S.W. GREEN, PRINTER, CORNER + JACOB AND FRANKFORT STREETS.</small></p> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 5, April 30, +1870, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 5 *** + +***** This file should be named 10018-h.htm or 10018-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/0/1/10018/ + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> diff --git a/old/10018-h/10018-h.zip b/old/10018-h/10018-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1f1545d --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/10018-h.zip diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/01.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/01.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d14598b --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/01.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/03.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/03.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b955dcb --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/03.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/04.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/04.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d9bde00 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/04.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/05.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/05.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9eb903c --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/05.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/06.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/06.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0eff21e --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/06.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/08.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/08.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2a93273 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/08.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/09.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/09.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d548525 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/09.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/11.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/11.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9f07433 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/11.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/12.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/12.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7cc4940 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/12.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/13.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/13.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d0fc9e7 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/13.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/14.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/14.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a467110 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/14.jpg diff --git a/old/10018-h/images/16.jpg b/old/10018-h/images/16.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..68e1403 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10018-h/images/16.jpg |
