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diff --git a/old/10032-h/10032-h.htm b/old/10032-h/10032-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f5cae8c --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10032-h/10032-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3300 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> + +<html> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content= + "text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + + <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. 1, No. + 24.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> +</head> + +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 24, September 10, +1870, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 24, September 10, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: November 10, 2003 [EBook #10032] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 24 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +</pre> + + <table width="800" border="1" align="center" cellpadding="3" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">CONANT'S</span></p> + + <p>PATENT BINDERS FOR</p> + + <p> + <big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO",</b></big></big></p> + + <p>to preserve the paper for binding, will be sent + post-paid, on receipt of One Dollar,</p> + + <p> by</p> + + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,<br></b></p> + + <p><b>83 Nassau Street, New York City.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <img src="images/01a.jpg" alt= + " CARBOLIC SALVE HEALING COMPOUND C.S."> + + <p>Recommended by Physicians.</p> + + <p>The best Salve in use for all disorders of the Skin, + for Cuts, Burns, Wounds, &c.</p> + + <p>USED IN HOSPITALS</p> + + <p>SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS.</p> + + <p><b>PRICE 25 CENTS</b>.</p> + + <p>JOHN F. HENRY, Sole Proprietor, No. 8 College Place, + New York.</p> + </center> + </td> + + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HARRISON BRADFORD & + CO.'S</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>STEEL + PENS.</big></big></big></p> + + <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and + cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special + attention is called to the following grades, as being + better suited for business purposes than any Pen + manufactured. The</p> + + <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the + <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p> + + <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p> + + <p><b>D. APPLETON & CO.,</b> <b><br> + Sole Agents for United States.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table width="800" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="3" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <center> + <br> + <br> + <img src="images/01.jpg" alt=""><br> + + <h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1> + + <h2>Vol. 1. No. 24.</h2> + + <p>SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 1870.</p><br> + + <h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3><br> + + <h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3><br> + <br> + + <h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4> + </center><br> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD, By ORPHEUS C. + KERR, Continued in this Number.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><small>See 15th page for Extra Premiums.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table><br> + + <table style= + "width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td align="center" rowspan="6"> + <p><big><big><b><big>Bound Volume No. + 1.</big><br></b></big></big></p> + + <p><big><big><b><br></b></big></big></p> + + <p><big><big><b><br> + <br></b></big></big></p> + + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">The first volume of + PUNCHINELLO, ending with No. 26 September 24, + 1870.</span></p> + + <p><big><b>Bound in Fine Cloth.</b></big></p> + + <p>will be ready for delivery on Oct. 1, 1870.</p><br> + + <p>PRICE $2.50.</p> + + <p>Sent postpaid to any part of the United States on + receipt of price.</p> + + <p>A copy of the paper for one year, from October 1st, + No. 27, and the Bound Volume (the latter prepaid,) will + be sent to any subscriber for $5.50.</p> + + <p><br> + Three copies for one year, and three Bound Volumes, with + an extra copy of Bound Volume, to any person sending us + three subscriptions for $16.50.</p><br> + + <p><b>One copy of paper for one year, with a fine chromo + premium, for $4.00</b></p> + + <p><b>Single copies, mailed free .10</b></p> + + <p>Back numbers can always be supplied, as the paper is + elecrotyped.</p> + + <p>Book canvassers will find this volume a</p><br> + + <p><b>Very Saleable Book.</b></p> + + <p>Orders supplied at a very liberal discount.</p> + + <p>All remittances should be made in<br> + Post Office orders.</p> + + <p>Canvassers wanted for the paper everywhere.</p> + + <p><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">Address,<br></span></big></p> + + <p><big><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br></span> + <b>Punchinello Publishing Co.,<br></b></big></p> + + <p><big><b><br></b></big></p> + + <p><big><b>83 Nassau St., N.Y.<br></b></big></p> + + <p><big><b><br></b></big></p> + + <p><big><b>P.O. Box No. 2783</b></big></p> + </td> + + <td> + <p style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;">TO + NEWS-DEALERS.</p> + + <p style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"> + <big><big>Punchinello's Monthly.</big></big></p> + + <p style="text-align: center;">The Weekly Numbers for + July.<br> + <b>Bound in a Handsome Cover</b>,</p> + + <p style="text-align: center;">Is now ready. Price Fifty + Cents.</p> + + <p style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">THE TRADE</span><br> + <span style="font-weight: normal;">Supplied by + the</span><br> + <big>AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY,</big></p> + + <p style="text-align: center;">Who are now prepared to + receive Orders.</p> + </td> + + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p><b>FORST & AVERELL</b></p> + + <p><b>Steam, Lithograph, and Letter Pres</b></p> + + <p><b>PRINTERS</b>,<br> + <b>EMBOSSERS, ENGRAVERS, AND LABEL MANUFACTURERS</b>.</p> + + <p>Sketches and Estimates furnished upon + application.</p><b>23 Platt Street, and<br> + 20-22 Gold Street</b>,<br> + [P.O. Box 2845.]<br> + NEW YORK.<br> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><b>WEVILL & HAMMAR</b>,<br> + <big>Wood Engravers,</big></big><br> + <b>208 Broadway</b>,<br> + NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">FOLEY'S</span><br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>GOLD + PENS.</big></big><br> + THE BEST AND CHEAPEST.<br> + <b>256 BROADWAY</b>.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center" rowspan="2"> + <p><big>Bowling Green Savings-Bank<br></big></p> + + <p><br> + 33 BROADWAY,</p><br> + + <p><b>NEW YORK</b>.</p><br> + + <p>Open Every Day from<br> + 10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</p> + + <p><small><i>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents<br> + to Ten Thousand Dollars will be received</i>.</small></p> + + <p><b>Six per Cent interest,<br> + Free of Government Tax</b></p> + + <p><small>INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS<br> + Commences on the First of every Month.</small></p><br> + + <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President<br> + <br></i></p> + + <p>REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary</i>.</p><br> + + <p>WALTER ROCHE,<br> + EDWARD HOGAN, <i>Vice-Presidents</i>.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p><big><big><b><big><big>$2</big></big><br> + to ALBANY and TROY</b>.</big></big></p> + + <p><b>The Day Line Steamboats C. Vibbard and Daniel + Drew</b>, commencing May 31, will leave vestry st. Pier + at 8.45, and Thirty-fourth st. at 9 a.m., landing at + <b>Yonkers, (Nyack, and Tarrytown</b> by ferry-boat), + <b>Cozzens, West Point, Cornwall, Newburgh, Poughkeepsie, + Rhinebeck, Bristol, Catskill, Hudson, and + New-Baltimore.</b> A special train of broad-gauge cars in + connection with the day boats will leave on arrival at + Albany (commencing June 20) for <b>Sharon Springs</b>. + Fare <b>$4.25</b> from New York and for Cherry Valley. + The Steamboat <b>Seneca</b> will transfer passengers from + Albany to Troy.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">J.M. Sprague</p> + + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">Is the Authorized + Agent</span> of</p> + + <p> + <big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO"</b></big></big></p> + + <p><small>For the</small></p> + + <p>New England States,</p> + + <p>To Procure Subscriptions, and to Employ + Canvassors.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center" rowspan="2"> + <p><b>NEWS DEALERS</b>.<br> + <small>ON</small><br> + <b>RAILROADS,<br> + STEAMBOATS</b>,<br> + And at <b><br> + WATERING PLACES</b>,</p> + + <p>Will find the Monthly Numbers of</p> + + <p> + <big><big>"<b>PUNCHINELLO</b>"</big></big></p> + + <p><small>For April, May, June, and July, an attractive + and Saleable Work.</small></p> + + <p><small>Single Copies<br> + Price 50 cts.</small></p> + + <p><small>For trade price address American News Co., + or</small></p> + + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING & CO.,</b></p> + + <p><b>83 Nassau Street</b>.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p><b>HENRY L. STEPHENS</b>,</p> + + <p><b>ARTIST</b>,</p> + + <p><b>No. 160 FULTON STREET</b>,</p> + + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><b>GEO. B. BOWLEND</b>,</p> + + <p>Draughtsman & Designer</p> + + <p><b>No. 160 Fulton Street</b>,</p> + + <p>Room No. 11,</p> + + <p>NEW YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table width="800" align="center"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <div style="text-align: center;"> + <small><br></small> + </div> + <hr style= + "width: 45%; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"> + + <div style="text-align: center;"> + <small><br></small> + </div> + + <p style="text-align: center;"><small>Entered, according + to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the PUNCHINELLO + PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office<br> + of the District Court of the United States, for the + Southern District of New York.</small></p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD</b>.</p> + + <p>AN ADAPTATION.</p> + + <p>BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.</p> + + <p>CHAPTER XVII.</p> + + <p>INSURANCE AND ASSURANCE.</p> + + <p>Six months had come and gone and done it; the weather + was as inordinately hot as it had before been intolerably + cold; and the Reverend OCTAVIUS SIMPSON stood waiting, in + the gorgeous Office of the Boreal Life Insurance Company, + New York, for the appearance of Mr. MELANCTHON + SCHENCK.</p> + + <p>Having been directed by a superb young clerk, who + parted his hair in the middle, to "just stand out of + the passage-way and amuse yourself with one of our + Schedules for awhile," until the great life-Agent + should come in, the Gospeler read a few schedulistic + pages, proving, that if a person had his life Insured at + the age of Thirty, and paid his premiums regularly until + he was Eighty-five, the cost to him and profit to the + Company would, probably, be much more than the amount he + had insured for. It must, then, be evident to him, that, + upon his death, at Ninety, the Company would have + received, in all, sufficient funds from him to pay the + full amount of his Policy to the lady whom he had always + introduced as his wife, and still retain enough to + declare a handsome Dividend for itself. Such was the + sound business-principle upon which the Boreal was + conducted; and the merest child must perceive, that only + the extremely unlikely coincidence of at least four + insurers all dying before Eighty-five could endanger the + solvency of the beneficent institution.—Having + mastered this convincing argument, and become greatly + confused by its plausibility, Mr. SIMPSON next gave some + attention to what was going on around him in the Office, + and allowed his overwrought mind to relax cheerfully in + contemplation thereof. One of human nature's + peculiarities was quite amusingly exemplified in the + different treatment accorded to callers who were + "safe risks," and to those who were not. Thus, + the whisper of "Here comes old Tubercles, + again!" was prevalent amongst the clerks upon the + entrance of a very thin, narrow-chested old gentleman, + whom they informed, with considerable humor, that he was + only wasting hours which should be spent with a spiritual + adviser, in his useless attempts to take out a Policy in + <i>that</i> office. The Boreal couldn't insure men + who ought to be upon their dying beds instead of coughing + around Insurance offices. Ha, ha, ha! Another gentleman, + florid of countenance and absolutely without neck, was + quickly checked in the act of giving his name at one of + the desks; one clerk desiring another clerk to look, + under the head of "A.," in his book, for + "<i>Apoplexy</i>," and let this man see that we + can't take such a risk as he is on any terms. A third + caller, who really looked quite healthy except around the + eyes, was also assured that he need not call + again—"Because, you see," explained the + clerkly wag, "it's no go for you to try to play + your BRIGHT'S Disease on <i>us!</i>" When, + however, the applicant was a robustious, long-necked, + fresh individual, he was almost lifted from his feet in + the rush of obliging young Boreals to show him into the + room of the Medical Examiner; and when, now and then, an + agent, or an insurance-broker, came dragging in, by the + collar, some Safe Risk, just captured, there was an + actual contest to see who should be most polite to the + panting but healthy stranger, and obtain his private + biography for the consideration of the Company.</p> + + <p>The Reverend OCTAVIUS studied these sprightly little + scenes with unspeakable interest until the arrival of Mr. + SCHENCK, and then followed that popular benefactor into + his private office with the air of a man who had gained a + heightened admiration for his species.</p> + + <p>"So you have come to your senses at last!" + said Mr. SCHENCK, hastily drawing his visitor toward a + window in the side-room to which they had retired. + "Let me look at your tongue, sir."</p> + + <p>"What do you mean?" asked the Gospeler, + endeavoring to draw back.</p> + + <p>"I mean what I say. + Let—me—see—your—tongue.—Or, + stop!" said Mr. SCHENCK, seized with a new thought, + "I may as well examine your general organization + first." And, flying at the astounded Ritualistic + clergyman, he had sounded his lungs, caused a sharp pain + in his liver, and felt his pulse, before the latter could + phrase an intelligent protest.</p> + + <p>"You may die at any moment, and probably + will," concluded Mr. SCHENCK, thoughtfully; + "but still, on the score of friendship, we'll + give you a Policy for a reasonable amount, and take the + chance of being able to compromise with your mother on a + certain per centage after the funeral."</p> + + <p>"I don't want any of your plagued + policies!" exclaimed the irritated Gospeler, pushing + away the hand striving to feel his pulse again.</p> + + <p>"As you have expressed a desire to resign the + guardianship of your wards, Mr. and Miss PENDRAGON, and I + have agreed to accept it, my purpose in calling here is + to obtain such statement of your account with those young + people as you may be disposed to render."</p> + + <p>"Ah!" returned the other, in sullen + disappointment. "That is all, eh? Allow me to inform + you, then, that I have cancelled the Boreal policies + which have been granted to the Murderer and his sister; + and allow me also to remark, that a dying clergyman like + yourself might employ his last moments better than + encouraging a Southern destroyer of human life."</p> + + <p>"I do not, cannot believe that MONTGOMERY + PENDRAGON is guilty," said Mr. SIMPSON, firmly. + "Having his full confidence, and thoroughly knowing + his nature, I am sure of his innocence, let appearances + be what they may. Consequently, it is my determination to + befriend him."</p> + + <p>"And you will not have your life + insured?"</p> + + <p>"I will not, sir. Please stop bothering + me."</p> + + <p>"And you call yourself a clergyman!" cried + Mr. SCHENCK, with intense scorn. "You pretend to be + a Ritualistic spiritual guide; you champion people who + slay the innocent and steal devout men's umbrellas; + and yet you do not scruple to leave your own high-church + Mother entirely without provision at your death.—In + such a case," continued the speaker, rising, while + his manner grew ferocious with + determination—"in such a case, all other + arguments having failed, my duty is plain. Yon shall not + leave this room, sir, until you have promised to take out + a Boreal Policy."</p> + + <p>He started, as he spoke, for the door of the + private-office, intending to lock it and remove the key; + but the unhappy Ritualist, fathoming his design, was + there before him, and tore open the door for his own + speedy egress.</p> + + <p>"Mr. SCHENCK," observed the Gospeler, + turning and pausing in the doorway, "you allow your + business-energy to violate all the most delicate + amenities of private life, and will yet drive some + maddened mortal to such resentful use of pistol, knife, + or poker, as your mourning family shall sincerely + deplore. The articles on Free Trade and Protection in the + daily papers have hitherto been regarded as the climax of + all that utterly wearies the long-suffering human soul; + but I tell you, as a candid friend, that they are but + little more depressing and jading to the vital powers + than your unceasing mention of life-insurance."</p> + + <p>"These are strong words, sir," answered Mr. + SCHENCK, incredulously. "The editorial articles to + which you refer are considered the very drought of + journalism; those by Mr. GREELEY, especially, being so + dry that they are positively dangerous reading without a + tumbler of water."</p> + + <p>"Yon brought the comparison upon yourself, Mr. + SCHENCK. Good day."</p> + + <p>Thus speaking, the Reverend OCTAVIUS SIMPSON hurried + nervously from the Boreal temple; not fairly satisfied + that he had escaped a Policy until he found himself + safely emerged on Broadway and turning a corner toward + Nassau Street. Beaching the latter bye-way, after a brief + interval of sharp walking, he entered a building nearly + opposite that in which was the office of Mr. DIBBLE; and, + having ascended numerous flights of twilight stairs to + the lofty floor immediately over the saddened rooms + occupied by a great American Comic Paper, came into a + spidery garret where lurked MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON,</p> + + <p>"Hard at it?" he asked, approaching a + ricketty table at which sat the persecuted Southerner, + reading a volume of HOYLE'S Games.</p> + + <p>"My only friend!" ejaculated the lonely + reader, hurriedly covering the book with an arm. "I + am, as you see, studying law here, all alone with these + silent friends."</p> + + <p>He waved his thin hand toward a rude shelf on which + were several well-worn City Directories of remote dates, + volumes of Patent Office Reports for the years '57 + and '59, a copy of Mr. GREELEY'S Essays on + Political Economy, an edition of the Corporation Manual, + the Coast Survey for 1850, and other inflaming + statistical works, which had been sent to him in his + exile by thoughtful friends who had no place to keep + them.</p> + + <p>"Cheer up, brother!" exhorted the good + Gospeler, "I'll send you some nice theological + volumes to add to your library, which will then be + complete. Be not despondent. All will come right + yet."</p> + + <p>"I reckon it will, in time," returned the + youth, moodily. "I suppose you know that my sister + is determined to come here and stay with me?"</p> + + <p>"Yes, MONTGOMERY, I have heard of her noble + resolution. May her conversation prove sustaining to + you."</p> + + <p>"There will be enough of it, I reckon, to sustain + half a dozen people," was the despondent answer. + "This is a gloomy place for her, Mr. SIMPSON, + situated, as it is, immediately over the offices of a + Comic Paper."</p> + + <p>"And do you think she would care for cheerful + accessories while you are in sorrow?" asked the + Gospeler, reproachfully.</p> + + <p>"But it is so mournful—that floor + below," persisted the brother, doubtfully. "If + there were only something the least bit more lively down + there—say an Undertaker's."</p> + + <p>"A Sister's Love can lessen the most crushing + gloom, MONTGOMERY."</p> + + <p>A silent pressure of the hand rewarded this + encouraging reminder of sanguine friendship; and, after + the depressed law-student had promised the Reverend + OCTAVIUS to walk with him as far as the ferry in a few + moments, the said Reverend departed for a hasty call upon + the old lawyer across the street.</p> + + <p>Benignant Mr. DIBBLE sat near a front window of his + office, and received the visitor with legal serenity.</p> + + <p>"And how does our young friend enjoy himself, Mr. + SIMPSON, in the retreat which I had the honor of + commending to you for him?"</p> + + <p>The visitor replied, that his young friend's + retreat, by its very loftiness, was calculated to inspire + any occupant with a room-attic affection.</p> + + <p>"And how, and when, and where did you leave Mr. + BUMSTEAD?" inquired Mr. DIBBLE.</p> + + <p>"As well as could be expected; this morning, at + Bumsteadville," said the Gospeler, with answer as + terse and comprehensive as the question.</p> + + <p>"—Because," added the lawyer, quickly, + "there he is, now, coming out of a refreshment + saloon immediately under the building in which our young + friend takes refuge."</p> + + <p>"So he is!" exclaimed the surprised Mr. + SIMPSON, staring through the window.</p> + + <p>There, indeed, as indicated, was the Ritualistic + organist; apparently eating cloves from the palm of his + right hand as he emerged from the place of refreshment, + and wearing a linen coat so long and a straw hat of such + vast brim that his sex was not obvious at first glance. + While the two beholders gazed, in unspeakable + fascination, Mr. BUMSTEAD suddenly made a wild dart at a + passing elderly man with a dark sun-umbrella, + ecstatically tore the latter from his grasp, and + passionately tapped him on the head with it. Then, before + the astounded elderly man could recover from his + amazement, or regain the gold spectacles which had been + knocked from his nose, the umbrella, after an instant of + keen examination, was restored to him with a humble, + almost abjectly apologetic, air, and Mr. BUMSTEAD hurried + back, evidently crushed, into the refreshment saloon.</p> + + <p>"His brain must be turned by the loss of his + relative," murmured the Gospeler, pitifully.</p> + + <p>"His umbrellative, you mean," said Mr. + DIBBLE.</p> + + <p>When these two gentlemen had parted, and the Reverend + OCTAVIUS SIMPSON had been escorted to the ferry, as + promised, by MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON, the latter, after a + long, insane walk about the city, with the thermometer at + 98 degrees, returned to his attic in time to surprise a + stranger climbing in through one of the back windows.</p> + + <p>"Who are you?" exclaimed the Southern youth, + much struck by the funereal aspect, sexton-like dress, + and inordinately long countenance of the pallid, + light-haired intruder.</p> + + <p>"Pardon! pardon!" answered he at the window, + with much solemnity. "I am a proprietor of the Comic + Paper down below, and am eluding the man who comes every + day to tell me how such a paper <i>should</i> be + conducted. He is now talking to the young man writing the + mail-wrappers, who, being of iron constitution and + unmarried, can bear more than I. There was just time for + me to glide out of the window at sound of that fearful + voice, and I climbed the iron shutter and found myself at + your casement.—Hark! Do you hear the buzz down + there? He's now telling the young man writing the + mail-wrappers what kind of Cartoons should be got-up for + <i>this</i> country.—Hark, again! and the young man + writing the mail-wrappers have clinched and are rolling + about the floor.—Hark, once more! The young man + writing the mail-wrappers has put him out."</p> + + <p>"Won't you come in?" asked MONTGOMERY, + sincerely sorry for the agitated being.</p> + + <p>"Alas, no!" responded the fugitive, in the + tone of a cathedral bell.</p> + + <p>"I must go back to my lower deep once more. My + name is JEREMY BENTHAM; I am very unhappy in my mind; + and, with your permission, will often escape this way + from him who is the bane of my existence."</p> + + <p>Being assured of welcome on all occasions, he of the + long countenance went clanging down the iron shutter + again; and the lonely law-student, burying his face in + his hands, prayed Providence to forgive him for having + esteemed his own lot so hopelessly gloomy when there were + Comic Paper men on the very next floor.</p> + + <p>That night, before going home to Gowanus, the old + lawyer across the way glanced up toward MONTGOMERY'S + retreat, and shook his head as though he couldn't + make something out. Whether he had a difficult idea in + his brain, or only a fly on his nose, was for the + observer to discover for himself.</p> + + <p>(<i>To be Continued</i>.)</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">UNIVERSOCKDOLOGY.</p> + + <p>Mr. PUNCHINELLO: It afflicts me, one of your most + assiduous readers, to notice that you cast not even so + much as a lack-lustre glance at the brilliant gems that + STEPHEN PEARL ANDREWS scatters periodically through the + columns of the <i>Evening Mail</i> and WOODHULL & + CLAFLIN'S <i>Weekly</i>. Are the times out of joint; + or is it your Italian nose? Do you fear to quote the + sublimated utterances of the perspicacious, although + pleonastic philosopher? Does he lead you in thought, or + the expression thereof? Then, wherefore? And if not, + wherever may the just reason be found for your + indifference?</p> + + <p>The science of Universology, as so delightfully + unfolded by Mr. ANDREWS, is one that must ere long + overtop and engulf all others, seeing that it is, of + itself, the science which embodies and contains all. It + teaches that the universe exists in time and + space—a fact never discovered till now—or + that, rather, it exists in space and time, as the two + negative containers of its <i>statism</i> or existence, + and of its <i>motism</i> or eventuation, (its chain of + events.) It shows that statism, or + world-existence-at-rest, in space, is analogous with the + cardinal series of numeration; and motism or + world-existence-in-motion, in time, analogous with the + ordinal series of numbers; and that, finally, statism and + cardinism, (as of the four cardinal points in the + orientation of space,) are analogous with spiritualities + and the spirit world; and that motism and ordinism + (succession by steps) are analogous with temporalities, + (transitory things) and so with the mundane or transitory + sphere.</p> + + <p>Now this is the whole subject in a nutshell—a + subject it behooves you and all other deep thinkers to + grapple withal. Through your efforts to spread the + glorious truths thus ingeniously set forth, how much good + might be done! Think of the unravelling of the + complications surrounding the Germano-Gallic war; the + light that might be thrown upon the sources of HORACE + GREELEY'S agricultural information; the settlement of + the Coolie question. Then, see what effect a clear and + candid discussion of the topic would have on the public + morality, security, and peace! How often it appears that, + in spite of the normal equanimity observable in + circumstantial evidence, hereditary disciplinarisms are + totally devoid of potential abstemiousness. This may be + owing to the fact that at ebb and neap tides the + obliquity of vision (duism) remarked by most invalid + veterans in their occasional <i>adversaria</i>, is + unconscious of their parental dignity, and by no means to + be confounded with the referees in astronomical or + pharmaceutical cases, or with ordinary omphalopsychites. + Whatever be or not be the result of these investigations + and calculations, it is consolatory to the student of + proportional hemispheres to remark that, whichever way + the sophist may turn, he <i>must</i> invariably rely on + the softer impeachments of a hireling crowd, with</p> + + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">"Water, water, + everywhere,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">And not a drop to + drink,"</span> + </div> + + <p>and give up all personal interest in the homogeneous + relations arising from too precipitate a ratiocination of + events, urging, at the same time, the positive + proportions exercised in the administration of a not over + particular dormitory, and the replication of + chameleonizing—constantly chameleonizing, + odoriferosities.</p> + + <p>Yours, PATHIST.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>About Face</b>!</p> + + <p>Recent London advices briefly state that EDMUND ABOUT, + the missing correspondent of the <i>Soir</i>, has turned + up somewhere. Our Cockney informant imagines that M. + ABOUT, like his distinguished ancestor, (ABOU, B.A.,) + found his "sweet dream of peace" too rudely + disturbed by the howlings of the Prussian dogs of war, + and decided to 'ead About for Paris, simply in order + to avoid being 'eaded off by the enemy.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/05.jpg" alt=""> + + <p>"WHEN YOU GO TO LONG BRANCH, DO NOT TAKE A + NEWFOUNDLAND DOG WITH YOU. I BROUGHT ONE DOWN WITH ME + HERE, AND WHENEVER I GO OUT TO TAKE A LITTLE DIP, THE + FAITHFUL CREATURE WILL INSIST ON DRAGGING ME + ASHORE."—<i>Letter from a Friend</i>.</p> + </center> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>SUMMER AT SANDY POINT.</b></p> + + <p><i>Sandy Point, August 18, 1870</i>.</p> + + <p>PRELIMINARY FLOURISHES.</p> + + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO:<a name="FNanchor1"></a><a href= + "#Footnote_1"><sup>[1]</sup></a> Nature demands a change + of air. Man needs rest. Invigoration is necessary to + health. The throbbing brain must shut down on its + throbbing.</p> + + <p>Hence second-class hotels, with first-class prices; + hence hard beds, no gas, and many flies. I + say—"Hence—flies," but as a general + thing I notice they will not hence.</p> + + <p>WHERE TO GO.</p> + + <p>Those who are fond of flees may flee to the mountains. + I know when I've got enough, and I prefer to surf it + on the sea shore. Take the 3-1/2 A.M. train, and come + to</p> + + <p>SANDY POINT.</p> + + <p>Everything here is sand as far as the eye can reach, + or a horse and wagon, with a profane driver, can travel. + The ocean laves the beach. The sea also is here. The tide + comes in twice a day. This alone gives Sandy Point a + great advantage over all other points on the coast.</p> + + <p>I rode up in the regular conveyance, and soon after my + arrival found myself standing on the spacious and elegant + piazza of</p> + + <p>THE CHARNEL HOUSE,</p> + + <p>a palatial structure erected by the late Mr. CHARNEL, + who is said to have lavished an immense fortune upon it. + Strictly speaking, he didn't lavish quite so much + paint on the front as an advanced civilization had a + right to expect; but within, everything, (including the + clerk,) appears to have been furnished with an eye to</p> + + <p>LUXURIOUS COMFORT,</p> + + <p>Mr. SOAPINGTON, the genial landlord, Mr. RICHARD + SOAPINGTON, Jr., the gentlemanly clerk, Mrs. SOAPINGTON, + the accomplished hostess, and the lovely Miss CLARA + SOAPINGTON, all greeted me with that hearty welcome, so + dear to the traveller. SOAPINGTON said he was glad to see + me, and, seeing that it was me, he would be willing to + infringe on his inflexible rule, and would allow me to + pay</p> + + <p>CASH IN ADVANCE.</p> + + <p>Madame S. was sorry she couldn't set me up a cot + in the wash-room, but would be compelled to let me have a + double front-room over the bar. I told her if the + apartment had a practicable trap door I thought I could + get along.</p> + + <p>RICHARD S., Jr., was sure he had met me before; and, + as a friend, he would say the establishment was not + responsible for valuables unless deposited in the safe. + He would take my watch and jewelry to wear while I was + there, inasmuch as</p> + + <p>HE WAS THE SAFE HIMSELF.</p> + + <p>The charming Miss S. didn't say anything, but she + smiled, and looked such unutterable things from behind + the blinds, that I expect to find it all in the bill.</p> + + <p>Everybody that can get a railroad pass should come to + Sandy Point</p> + + <p>WHAT TO DO.</p> + + <p>Sit in the reading-room and look over the torn files + of two daily papers a week and a half old; or study a + hotel advertiser.</p> + + <p>THE SURF BATHING</p> + + <p>is magnificent. The prevalence of an unmitigated + undertow renders it quite exhilarating for old ladies and + invalids. Any one who is drowned will have every + attention paid to his remains,—by the sharks.</p> + + <p>BOATING.</p> + + <p>Everybody boats. The ROWE Brothers are here, and sing + on the water by moonlight. You can blister your bands at + an oar, or bale out the boat, just as your taste + inclines. As the life-preserver is a little out of + repair, I stay on shore.</p> + + <p>FISHING.</p> + + <p>Everybody fishes. There are all varieties, from + speckled trout and mackerel, up to conger eels, horse + mackerel, and porpoises. Parties frequently come back + with all the fishing they want. If absent a week on a + trip, they can make arrangements to have their board run + on just the same.</p> + + <p>DRIVING.</p> + + <p>Everybody drives. The roads are of unsurpassing + loveliness. They drive every day. If the waiters would + drive a few flies out of the dining-room, we wouldn't + sit down quite so many at table.</p> + + <p>WHO ARE HERE.</p> + + <p>Sandy Point, with all its native attractions, would be + nothing were it not for the beauty and fashion that + throng its halls. There are men here who can draw their + note for any amount. Here is an ex-member of Congress; + there a double X brewer, both immensely wealthy. Diamonds + abound. There is a hop in the parlor every evening and + preaching on Sundays.</p> + + <p>I should not forget a paralytic washwoman in my + section of the house, who has a prevailing idea, when she + brings home my clothes, that eleven pieces make a + dozen.</p> + + <p>Reader, if you seek</p> + + <p>THE FLUSH OF HEALTH,</p> + + <p>come down here! I wasn't very flush when I got + here, but I don't intend to go away till I've put + myself into thorough repair.</p> + + <p>Yours, SARSFIELD YOUNG.</p> + + <p><a name="Footnote_1"></a><a href= + "#FNanchor1">[1]</a></p> + + <blockquote> + SOAPINGTON, of the hotel here, and I, have been + skirmishing over a board bill for a couple of weeks, + and he has finally outflanked me to the amount of about + $40. I think if you will insert this correspondence it + will be all right. S. will succumb. + </blockquote> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A War Conundrum.</b></p> + + <p>When are soldiers like writers for the press? When + they charge by the column.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A well-tilled Soil.</b></p> + + <p>The article on DICKENS, in the August number of the + <i>Atlantic Monthly</i>, is certainly suggestive of fresh + Fields, if not of pastures new.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>THE WATERING PLACES.</b></p> + + <p>Punchinello's Vacations.</p> + + <p>Sometimes Mr. PUNCHINELLO is very busy. Not only has + he upon his shoulders the ordinary labors of conductor of + a great journal, but he has much to do for other people. + His editors, his printers, his binders, his artists, his + engravers, his corps of clerks, his office and errand + boys, and all connected with his extensive establishment, + come to him from time to time for advice in regard to the + investment of their surplus earnings, and between + assisting in the purchase of a farm for this one, a house + for the other, and all sorts of stocks and bonds for the + rest, he is often terribly pressed for time.</p><img src= + "images/06a.jpg" align="left" alt=""> + + <p>No one who is not looked up to by a crowd of grateful + dependents, all fattening in the shadow of his + prosperity, as it were, can understand Mr. P's. + feelings of responsibility at such times.</p> + + <p>Such an unusual demand upon his time occurred last + week, and Mr. P. found that he would not be able to spend + a few days as usual at some fashionable watering place. + But be must have some recreation, so he determined to + have a day's fishing among the celebrated Thousand + Islands of the St. Lawrence. He put some luncheon in a + basket, and set off quite early in the morning. Finding + that some twenty hours were consumed in the transit, Mr. + P. thought that, considering his hurry, he had better, + perhaps, have gone to Newark for a day's fishing off + the piers. But he was at the St. Lawrence now, and it + would not do to complain. He hired a boat, lines, bait + and two navigators, and set out bravely.</p><img src= + "images/06b.jpg" align="right" alt=""> + + <p>He sailed among a crowd of islands where either the + bowsprit or the boom was continually getting caught in + the shrubbery and rocks, until he came to island No. 18. + Here was a picnic party.</p> + + <p>For reasons which the accompanying view may render + obvious, Mr. P. and his men declined the invitation of + the picnickers to stop and join them. The boat continued + on until it reached the channel between islands No. 87 + and No. 88, and there Mr. P. got out his lines and + commenced to fish, trolling his bait behind as the boat + slowly sailed, under the hot sun, among those lovely + isles, where, to be sure, burning's half o' the + sport, but where "burning SAPPHO" would have + lost herself utterly, and probably have tumbled into some + of the watery intricacies and have put herself out.</p> + + <p>Mr. P. did not have much luck at first. He caught one + muskallonge, after a period of patient waiting which he + feels he also must call long, and once, when he thought + he was hauling in a fine bass, he turned very red when + the boatmen laughed at seeing him "cotch an + eel." But after a while he got a royal bite. He + hauled in manfully, and although, owing to the + intricacies of the channel, he could not see what he had + caught, he knew it was a fine fellow from its weight. At + last, after tremendous tugging, he got it in over the + stem.</p><img src="images/06c.jpg" align="left" alt=""> + + <p>It was one of the thousand islands!</p> + + <p>What could be done now?</p> + + <p>The steersman, who had slipped under a seat when he + saw the great mass above him, and the man who managed the + sails, were both Canadians, and after a great deal of + excited talk, they agreed if Mr. P. would make it worth + their while, they would endeavor to put the island back + in its place and make no remarks in public which would + tend to produce a misunderstanding between the + governments of Great Britain and the United States, on + the ground of undue acquisition of territory. By the + payment of a sum, which it will require a club of thirty + subscribers to make good to him, Mr. P. concluded the + arrangement, and they sailed back to replace the island. + But what was the horror of the party, when they perceived + on the unfortunate bit of British territory, a plate, + which had stuck fast by reason of a covering of the juice + of plum-pie, and a fork which was rammed firmly into the + earth!</p> + + <p>It needed but few collateral evidences to convince Mr. + P. and his men that this was the island where they had + seen the picnic.</p> + + <p>And where were the picnickers?</p> + + <p>If any of Mr. P's. subscribers in Prince EDWARD + Island, Costa Rica, the Gallipagoes, or other outstanding + places, receive their paper rather late this week, they + are informed that, in consequence of his having spent + three entire days exploring the labyrinth of these + islands in order to find the bodies of the unfortunate + party of pleasure, (which bodies he did not find,) Mr. P. + was very much delayed in his office business. His near + patrons received their papers in due time, but those at a + distance will excuse him, he feels sure, when they + consider what his feelings must have been, while + grappling for an entire picnic.</p> + + <p>The island was dumped down anywhere, without reference + to its former place. When the Alabama claims are settled, + Mr. P. will go back and adjust it properly.</p> + + <p>Mr. P. gained nothing by this trip but the knowledge + that there are but 980 of these islands, which an + unscrupulous monarchy imposes upon a credulous people as + a full thousand, and the gloom which would naturally + pervade a man, after an occurrence of the kind just + narrated.</p> + + <p>On his way home, he stopped for supper at Albany, and + there he met CYRUS W. FIELD and Commodore VANDERBILT. One + of these gentlemen was looking very happy and the other + very doleful.</p> + + <center> + <img src="images/06d.jpg" alt=""> + </center> + + <p>(The tall gentleman in the picture is Mr. + FIELD—not that he is really so very tall—but + he is elevated. The short one is the Commodore—so + drawn, not because he is short, but because he is + depressed.)</p> + + <p>After the compliments of the season, (warm ones,) Mr. + P. asked his friends how the war in Europe affected + them.</p> + + <p>"Gloriously!" cried Mr. FIELD. "Nothing + could be better. The messages fly over our cables + like—like—like lightning. Why, sir, I wish + they would keep up the war for ten years."</p> + + <p>"And you, sir?" said Mr. P. to the + Commodore.</p> + + <p>"Oh, I hate it!" said VANDERBILT. "They + send neither men nor munitions by our road. It is an + absolute dead loss of hundreds of thousands of dollars to + me that my railroad is on this side of the ocean. I shall + never cease to deplore it."</p> + + <p>"But sir," said Mr. P. "the war may + cause a great exportation of grain from the West, and + then your road will profit."</p> + + <p>"Don't believe it," said the Commodore. + "The war will stop exportation."</p> + + <p>"It goes against the grain with him, any way you + fix it," said Mr. FIELD, with a festive air. + "He can't carry any messages."</p> + + <p>"On a cabalistic cable," remarked Mr. P.</p> + + <p>CYRUS smiled.</p> + + <p>"No, air," said the Commodore, reverting to + his grievances. "Never has such a loss happened to + me, since I went into New York Centrals."</p> + + <p>"Well, I tell you, VANDY," said Mr. FIELD, + "if you and other grasping creatures had kept away + from New York's entrails it would have been much + better for the body corporate of the State."</p> + + <p>"Look here!" cried the Commodore, in a + rage.</p> + + <p>Mr. FIELD looked there, but Mr. P. didn't. He + thought it was time to go for his train, and he went.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>SEVERAL UNSAVORY RENDERINGS.</b></p> + + <p><img src="images/07a.jpg" align="left" alt="W">hy + there should be such a thing as a New York Rendering + Company is a puzzle to thoughtful minds. Persons resident + in certain districts of the city, that border on the + North River, though, are cognizant of that Company. The + North River nose knows the Co., and would close itself to + it, only that it is too close upon it to close + effectually.</p> + + <p>And what are the New York Rendering Company, and to + whom do they render, and what? Lard bless you! sir, or + madam, they comprise a thing that lives, if not by the + sweat of its brow, at least by the suet of its boilers. + The dead horses of the city car companies are the + creature's normal food. Nor does it despise smaller + venison, for it can batten upon dead kittens, too, and + fatten upon asphyxiated pup. Carnivorous, decidedly, is + the creature concreted by the New York Rendering Company, + converting all that it touches into fat, and so, living + literally upon the fat of the land. That the Company + render other things besides fat, however, has been for + some time past a subject of complaint against their + management, and here are a few details of their + renderings.</p> + + <p>Once the atmosphere of the bays and rivers of New York + was a source of health to the excursionists who, in + summer time, seek relaxation by inexpensive voyages upon + the waters adjacent to the city. By casting the refuse of + their carrion into these waters, the New York Rendering + Company have rendered foul and noxious the once healthful + atmosphere of our aquarian outlets, rendering themselves + a nuisance, at the same time.</p> + + <p>Thus, anything like a "pleasure" excursion + by water, in the neighborhood of New York, has been + rendered impossible during the present season, by the New + York Rendering Company.</p> + + <p>Off all the shores of our bays Offal has accumulated, + and that during the hottest summer on record for these + latitudes. The waters have thus been rendered unfit for + bathing in, as the air has been rendered pernicious to + breathe—another rendering by the New York Rendering + Company, whose manifest mission is to offalize the + world.</p> + + <p>It is pleasant to know, then, that the renderings of + the New York Rendering Company are likely to be + reactionary as well as suicidal, (perhaps suetcidal might + be a better word here,) in their results. Their + "offence is rank," and has reached the nose of + authority, for we find it stated that "Mayor HALL + has already made complaint against the New York Rendering + Company, and that they will he indicted at the next + sitting of the Grand Jury."</p> + + <p>And when their boiling nuisances come to be seized, as + we trust they will be, how jolly to see them + "rendering to Seizer" all that has rendered + them the nuisance they are! Then let them render up the + ghost, and go out spluttering, like a dip candle from one + of their own rancid renderings—and so an end of + them.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A CARD OF THANKS.</b></p> + + <p>PUNCHINELLO is extremely indebted to <i>The Sun</i> + for the association of the names of several worthy + gentlemen with the ownership of the only first-class + Illustrated Humorous and Satirical paper published in + America: (Subscription price, for one year, $4.00. Single + copies 10 cents. Office, 83 Nassau St., New York.)</p> + + <p>Well, it is something to be credited with having + decent men about you; perhaps if <i>The Sun</i> would try + the experiment it would be found more purifying than even + the sermons of O. DYER.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>WHY IT IS SO DRY.</b></p> + + <p>We <i>thought</i> it had something to do with a lack + of moisture in the air; and now, along comes Monsieur + PROU, another philosopher, and merely says what we had + thought. He declares that there was so much ice last + winter (come now, gentlemen of the Ice Companies, what + have you to say to that?) it couldn't melt in time to + evaporate in time to supply moisture in time for the + necessary showers. (Somehow, there's an eternity of + "time" in that sentence; but <i>n'importe: + allons!</i>) We think PROU has proved his case. And, + although we can't quite sympathise with his + suggestion that detachments of sappers and miners be + employed in the spring-time, in Arctic (and doubtless + also Antarctic) regions, in blowing up icebergs and + otherwise facilitating the operations of old Sol, we give + the ingenious Frenchman credit for at least as much + philosophic acumen as we ourselves possess: and Heaven + only knows how superb a compliment we thus convey!</p> + + <p>Couldn't our friend Capt. HALL be requested to + watch the Pole a little next winter, and look into this + idea of ours and PROU'S?</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/07b.jpg" alt=""> + + <p>CIRCUMSTANCES WILL COMPEL THE STATELIEST OF MEN TO + STOOP, SOMETIMES.<br> + GETTING A LIGHT FROM THE STUMP OF A NEWSBOY'S CIGAR + IS ONE OF THEM.</p> + </center> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/08.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>A SCENE FROM OLD NICK-OLOS NICK-OLBY.</b></p> + + <p>THE EMPEROR DE MANTALINI GOING TO THE + "DEMNITION BOW-WOWS."</p> + </center> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>OUR POLICE REPORT.</b></p> + + <p>On Tuesday last a suspicious looking man was arrested + by the police, and taken to the One Hundred and Fourth + Precinct Station House, on several charges of disorderly + acts perpetrated by him in various parts of the city. He + gave his name as CHARLES A. DANA, and was locked up for + the night.</p> + + <p>Yesterday morning, prisoner was brought before Justice + DOWNY, at the Jephson Market Police Court.</p> + + <p>Officer LOCUST, being called to testify, stated that + his attention was directed to the prisoner, on Tuesday + afternoon last, by some boys in Fourteenth Street. + Prisoner was standing on the side-walk, on the side of + the street opposite Tammany Hall. He was armed with a + small pewter squirt, with which he was trying to smear + the front of that building by drawing up dirty water from + the gutter. The range of the squirt did not appear to + reach more than half-way across the street. The water + used was very foul, leaving stains upon a dirt-cart that + was passing. While witness was watching the prisoner, the + Hon. WM. M. TWEED came down the steps from Tammany Hall, + and, upon seeing him, prisoner ran away, but was seized + by witness, before he could make his escape.</p> + + <p>On being interrogated by the magistrate, prisoner said + that he hardly knew what he was doing when arrested. The + <i>Sun</i> was in his eyes at the time. If it hadn't + been so, he would not have missed his shot. He must do + something for a living, and he thought that throwing + dirty water was as good an occupation as any other. Had + made money out of it by threatening respectable people + with his pewter squirt, and they would give him money + rather than have their clothes soiled. He would do + anything to make money; and he didn't in the least + mind dirtying his hands in the making of it.</p> + + <p>To a question by the magistrate, as to whether he had + had anything to do with casting offal into the bay, + prisoner laughed in a wild manner, and said that he, for + one, could never be accused of wasting good, honest dirt + in that way. All the offal in the world, said prisoner, + wasn't too much for him to use in bespattering the + objects of his attention, friends as well as foes. He had + heaved tons of offal, already, at Mr. A. OAKEY HALL, + (whom he evidently imagined to be an Irishman, and called + O'HALL,) He didn't care whom he hit, in fact, so + long as he could make it pay.</p> + + <p>A gentleman connected with the velocipede interest, + whose name our reporter did not catch, here stated that + he became acquainted with prisoner nearly two years ago, + while the velocipede frenzy was at its height. He had + constructed to order for the prisoner a peculiar + velocipede called the <i>"Sun Squirt."</i> It + had a Dyer's tub attached to it, which was filled + with bilge-water. On this machine, the prisoner, armed + with a pewter squirt, used to practise for several hours + a day, careering rapidly around the rink, and taking + flying shots, as he went, at large posters attached to + the wall, having portraits on them of General GRANT, Hon. + H. GREELEY, Hon. WM. M. TWEED, The Mayor, Governor + HOFFMAN, and several other citizens of admitted position + and respectability. The bilge-water usually came back + upon him, however, and he was generally a humiliating + object on leaving the rink.</p> + + <p>Prisoner, on being asked by the magistrate whether he + had any references respecting character to give, replied + in the negative, whereupon orders were issued to lock him + up, pending the appearance of Mr. PUNCHINELLO, who will + have some statements to make about him at a future + day.</p> + + <p>A reward of $5,000 has been offered for any + information about the pewter squirt, and particularly as + to when, and by whom it was made; and, as detectives are + now engaged in working up the case, there can be but + little doubt that the vile instrument will ere long be + identified.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>DISTRESSING.</b></p> + + <p>Some awful smasher of cherished notions is trying to + make out that ROUGET DE LISLE was not the real author of + the famous <i>Marseillaise</i>, but that he stole it from + the Germans. It pains us to contemplate the possibility + of the charge being true, but, should it prove to be so, + we suggest that the name of the accepted author be + changed from ROUGET to ROGUEY DE LISLE.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/09.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>"WHAT WILL HE DO WITH IT?"</b></p> + + <p><i>Servant.</i> "MASSA FENTON AND MASSA CONKLIN + HAVE SENT DIS YERE FOUNDLIN' TO YER, TO TOOK KEER + OF FOR A FEW WEEKS."</p> + + <p><i>Matron Greeley.</i> "O: DEAR, DEAR! AND IF + IT SHOULD DIE ON MY HANDS, WHO'S TO PAY THE FUNERAL + EXPENSES?"</p> + </center> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>HIRAM GREEN AMONG THE FAT MEN.</b></p> + + <p>The "Last Gustive" attends the Annual + Clam-Bake.</p> + + <p>Empires may totter and Dienastys pass in their + checks.</p> + + <p>Politicians may steal the Goddess of Liberty poorer + than JOB'S old Maskaline Gobbler.</p> + + <p>J. FISK, Jr., may set the heel of his bute down onto + the neck of Rail Rodes—Steambotes—ballet + gals, and all that sort o' thing, and this mundane + speer will jog along, as slick as a pin, and no questions + asked.</p> + + <p>But deprive a Fat man of his little clam-bake, and it + would be full as pleasant as settin' down onto a + Hornet's nest, when the Hornet family were all to + home.</p> + + <p>That's so.</p> + + <p>Another cargo of clams has gone to that born whence no + clam returns, onless you ram your finger down your + throte, or take an Emetick.</p> + + <p>In the words of Commodore PERRY, who is, alas! no + more.</p> + + <p>"The misfortenit bivalves meet the Fat man, and + they're his'n."</p> + + <p>Altho' I'me not much on the fat order myself, + I received an invitation to attend the grate Clam-bake. + Mrs. GREEN put me up a lunch to eat on the cars, and + robin' myself in a cleen biled shirt, I sholdered my + umbreller and left Skeensboro.</p> + + <p>The seen at Union Park was sublime with plenty of Ham + fat. If all flesh is grass, thought I, when old <i>tempus + fugit</i> comes along with his mowin' masheen to cut + this crop of fat men, I reckon he will have to hire some + of his nabor's barns, to help hold all of his + hay.</p> + + <p>Great mountins of hooman flesh were bobbin' about + like kernals of corn on a red hot stove, remindin' me + of a corn field full of punkins set up on clothes + pins.</p> + + <p>The little heads on top of the great sweating bodies, + looked as if they were sleev buttons drove in the top of + the Punkins.</p> + + <p>When a fat man laffs, his little head sinks down into + his shirt collar, and disappears in the fat, like a + turtle's head when you tickle his nose with a sharp + stick.</p> + + <p>And then to see them eat clams. I've seen men + punish clams by the bushel—by the barrel—but + never did I see men shovel clams in by the cart load + before.</p> + + <p>"Gee-whitaker," said I, to a Reporter of a + N.Y. Journal, "them critters must have a dredful + elastic stomack."</p> + + <p>"Yes," said he, "when Fat-men get clam + hungry, the sea banks has to give up her clams, and the + grocery keepers furnish the seasonin'."</p> + + <p>"Wall," said I, "if the Sea has many + such runs on her clam-banks as this, she will have to put + on her shutters soon, and go into lickerdation."</p> + + <p>"In which state," said he laffin', + "it would be exceedin'ly + <i>clam</i>-etous."</p> + + <p>The members of the Fat Men's Club all went + prepared for hot weather, dressed in a linnen soot and + carryin' palm leaf fans.</p> + + <p>I also notised large fassits onto the toes of their + butes, so as to let out the grease occasionly, and keep + there butes from sloppin' over.</p> + + <p>President RANSOM told me, that a fat man's wife + invented the fassets, so as to save sope grease.</p> + + <p>"One fat man in hot weather," said Mister + RANSOM, "will furnish grease enuff, in the summer + time, to keep his family in soft sope the year around, + besides supplyin' two or three daily papers with a + lot."</p> + + <p>Between you and me, Friend PUNCHINELLO, that greasy + yarn seems rather too slipperry to swaller, but I guess + it'll wash after all.</p> + + <p>PETER REED, of New York, and Docter WHITBECK, of West + Troy, danced the hiland fling for the championship and a + barrel of clams.</p> + + <p>"While PETE was cuttin' a pigin wing, and the + Dr. was rakin' down a dubble shuffle, they made + things rattle, and naborin' towns thought it was an + airthquake, and began movin' out their feather + beds.</p> + + <p>"Go it, my fat friends," said I, to + encourage 'em, "blood will tell, and exercise + help to digest your clams."</p> + + <p>They shook their feet ontil exhausted natur, from + necessity, ceased to be virtous, when suddenly they both + tumbled over onto their backs, and blowed like + porpoises.</p> + + <p>The weather bein' hot, a shovel full of cloride of + lime was sprinkled onter them, to keep them from + gettin' fly blode.</p> + + <p>I was introjuced to a North River steembote pilot, + whose corporosity looked like the Commissary department + of a Prushion Regiment.</p> + + <p>"How are you, Paunchy Pilate," said I, + gettin' off a joak at his expense. "How many + clams have you crucifide to-day?"</p> + + <p>"Bully for you, ole man. Haw! haw! he! he! ho! + ho!" roared half a dozen fat men at my faceshusness, + and they laffed and shook their sides, ontil I thought + they'd colaps a floo and spatter me.</p> + + <p>One of them fat men approched me, and invited me to + have a game of leep frog.</p> + + <p>"Excuse me, Captin," said I, "when I + get so I can sholder an elefant, I'le come around and + accomodate you."</p> + + <p>Some was playin' tag. Some was playin' + blindman's-buff, while all was amusin' + themselves, at some innocent pastime or other.</p> + + <p>The day's performance was closed by chasin' a + greased pig.</p> + + <p>The hog was well greased and let loose, and the whole + lot of fat men started pell-mell.</p> + + <p>It was "Root hog, or die" with the odds in + favor of the Hog.</p> + + <p>All of a sudden, the hog turned back, and the fat men + coulden't stop, when down they all fell on top of + poor piggy, smashin' him flatter'n a pancake.</p> + + <p>The bystanders were startin' for derricks and + jack-screws to raise the fat men off from each other.</p> + + <p>"Hold on," says I, "I know a trick + worth 2 of that."</p> + + <p>I rusht into the house, and ceasin' the + dinner-bell, rung it as hard as I could.</p> + + <p>It delited me, in my old age, to see them chaps + scrabble when they heard that bell.</p> + + <p>In 10 seconds time, only one member of the pile + diden't git up, and rise, and that was the hog.</p> + + <p>It was a cruel deception—but I believe the mean + trick justifide the end, and saved the Bord of Helth a + big bill of expense. For sure's you're borned, it + would have been a meesely old job, cartin' of that + big pile of corrupshun.</p> + + <p>I had seen enuff for one day.</p> + + <p>My fisikle and intelectooal capacity was gorged.</p> + + <p>Foldin' my Filacteries, and pickin' up my bloo + cotton parashoot, I fled the seen, hily tickled to think + I wasen't a fat man.</p> + + <p>Virtously of thee,</p> + + <p>HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,</p> + + <p><i>Lait Gustise of the Peece.</i></p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/12.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>WOMAN ASSERTS HER RIGHTS</b></p> + </center> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>OUR FINANCIAL ARTICLE.</b></p> + + <p>WALL STREET, August 9th, 1870.</p> + + <p>SIR:—It is with feelings of indignation and + scorn that I proceed once more to pollute my pen with the + chronicles of a mercenary rabble. It <i>had</i> been + thought that the remonstrances of the pure and + high-minded among your readers would have sufficed to + overcome the resolution of an infatuated, but not + Criminal Editor. There was a time when the claims of a + <i>Certain Contributor</i> were wont to be considered. + But the passion for worldly greed has, alas! perverted a + too simple nature, and where the Muses once found a + congenial resting place, the demon Mammon now sits in + GHASTLY TRIUMPH.</p> + + <p>I will not here refer to my threat of resignation, nor + to the shouts of diabolical laughter with which it was + received by the conductor of a Comic Journal, whose name + it would not become me to mention. Suffice it to say that + those sentiments of loyalty and affection which have ever + been my glory, and a keen appreciation of the difficulty + of obtaining employment on the Press, have kept me + attached to the staff of PUNCHINELLO. The anguish which + Finance has cost an artistic soul no one may ever know. + The silent tear may fall, but it shall be buried in my + bosom. The spectacle of my hidden suffering shall stand + as a reproach to one whom I once HONORED and now + PITY.</p> + + <p>Divesting myself of that part of my nature which is + comprised in the good, the beautiful and true, I betook + myself yesterday to Wall Street and the Gold Room. At the + portals of the Financial Menagerie, a gentleman placed + his hand upon my shoulder.</p> + + <p>Was I a subscriber?</p> + + <p>No, but I was a comic writer.</p> + + <p>He said I looked as though I had seen misfortune. If I + was not a subscriber, perhaps I had been in the + Penitentiary, served out a sentence at Sing Sing, or + procured a divorce from my wife?</p> + + <p>I had done none of these things.</p> + + <p>I was not a member of the Legislature?</p> + + <p>No.</p> + + <p>A brilliant idea struck him. Perhaps I had been an + editor?</p> + + <p>I pleaded guilty.</p> + + <p>He thought that would do—I might go in.</p> + + <p>I went in, and herewith submit to you the result of my + investigations.</p> + + <p>NINE O'CLOCK.—On opening this morning, a + scarcity of money was perceptible in the market. It was + especially perceptible in the case of your contributor. + (This is <i>not</i> a hint that a week's salary in + advance would be acceptable.) Peanuts are much sought + after. (They are excellent things to pelt a fellow with.) + Apples were inquired after, but upon a rumor that they + were unripe, they declined several per cent.</p> + + <p>HALF PAST NINE.—The following telegram has just + been received here.</p> + + <p>"METZ, August 11th.</p> + + <p><i>"To His Serene Highness, the Prince of Erie, + Duke of the Grand Opera House, Admiral of Narragansett, + Commander of the Ninth, etc., etc., etc., Erie Palace, + New York City.</i></p> + + <p>"ROYAL BROTHER:—Louis has received his + baptism of fire. McMAHON wept. He is training to dispute + with Miss LOUISA MOORE, the proud title of the + 'Champion Weepist.'</p> + + <p>"Send me the Ninth, and the flower of <i>Opera + Bouffe</i>—aye, even the great + SCHNEIDER—shall be thine. 'Tis France that + calls—be kind. Fraternally thine own,</p> + + <p>NAP."</p> + + <p>It was at first thought that H.S.H. would accede to + the Emperor's request, his recent treaty with the + Court of the <i>Grande Duchesse</i> and his diplomatic + relations with the Viennoise Ballet Troupe having + rendered the event far from improbable. It was also + considered that the hostility which he has openly + displayed towards the British Erie Protection Committee + would predispose him in favor of England's natural + enemy. In view of the possible departure of the Ninth, + and the consequent prolongation of the European war, gold + rose several degrees above freezing point.</p> + + <p>TEN O'CLOCK.—The Ninth, don't go to + Europe after all. Several members of Company + "K" were observed to shed tears of + vexation—or joy! Here is Col. FISK'S reply.</p> + + <p>"To NAPOLEON, <i>(not in Berlin.)</i>"</p> + + <p>"EFFETE MONARCH:—Can't spare the b-hoys + at any price. They're going into camp down at the + 'Branch.' Besides, some of them haven't paid + for their uniforms yet. With regards to + Eugenie,"</p> + + <p>"I am Right Royally Yours,"</p> + + <p>JAS. FISK, JR.</p> + + <p>"P.S.—If a large diamond, a team of six + black and white horses, a Sound steamer, or a copy of the + <i>Tribune</i>, would be of any use to you, command me. I + might also spare you GOULD and some of my relations in + case you were very short of men, and had <i>some very + perilous positions</i> to fill up. JAMES."</p> + + <p>HALF PAST TEN.—Speculators in New York Central + and Hudson River securities are much excited over a + report that Commodore VANDERBILT had been seen to + purchase a watering hose in the store of a well known + manufacturer of gardening implements, on Broadway. He + wrapped it in brown paper, placed it in his $1000 buggy, + and drove away behind Dexter at the rate of 0:01-1/4 per + minute. I have it on good authority that there is no + truth in the rumor, circulated a few days ago, that the + Commodore was engaged in negotiation with the Paid Fire + Department for the use of their engines, etc., on some + occasion not far distant.</p> + + <p>ELEVEN O'CLOCK.—It is now officially + announced that the watering hose referred to in my last + is intended for gardening purposes only.</p> + + <p>HALF PAST ELEVEN.—Great war between Erie and the + <i>Tribune</i>. <i>Tribune</i> interdicted on Erie + Railway and Boston and Long Branch steamers. Desolation + of the Hub in consequence. Panic amongst <i>Tribune</i> + stockholders.</p> + + <p>TWELVE.—FISK says that the <i>Tribune</i> is so + <i>heavy</i> that it <i>must</i> far the future be paid + for by <i>weight</i>, on his steamers. It is felt that + this course, if adopted by Mr. GREELEY, would be + financially ruinous to the interests of his paper.</p> + + <p>HALF PAST TWELVE.—It is stated here that Mr. + GREELEY, in the effectual disguise of a bran new hat and + respectable boots, succeeded in smuggling a carpet bag + filled with <i>Tribunes</i> on board the <i>Plymouth + Rock</i>. Much anxiety is felt here concerning his fate, + in case the Admiral should discover his presence on + board.</p> + + <p>ONE O'CLOCK.—In a letter just received, Mr. + GREELEY designates the above report as "a + lie—a lie—false and malicious, and uttered + with intent to malign and defame." I publish Mr. + G's correction with pleasure.</p> + + <p>HALT PAST ONE.—For some days past a steady + decline has been noticeable in Government securities; a + want of confidence in the Executive is said to be the + cause. It is reported that several of our leading + financiers have openly indicated their dissatisfaction + with the policy of those in power at Washington.</p> + + <p>Two O'CLOCK.—The leading financier referred + to in my last I find to be JAMES FISK, JR.</p> + + <p>HALF PAST TWO.—He indicated his dissatisfaction + with the policy of the Government, to the President at + Long Branch, thus: Having transferred all the jewels from + his left hand to the right, and carefully adjusted them + there, he raised the hand in question to his finely cut + Roman nose, then, extending his fingers, he twirled them + for several minutes without exhibiting any symptoms of + fatigue. GRANT is said to have allowed a prime Partaga to + drop from between his lips in his surprise.</p> + + <p>THREE O'CLOCK.—It is now rumored that Fisk + did not apply his fingers in the manner stated.</p> + + <p>HALF PAST FOUR.—Market (at Delmonico's) gone + frantic over a consignment of <i>Opera Bouffe</i> sent by + the Erie Protection Committee as a mark of confidence in + the present Erie management. Eries said to be in good + voice. Preferred stock will open in about a month with an + extensive and carefully selected ballet. <i>Premiéres + Danseuses</i> (hic) strong, with extensive sales. Scenery + (hic) quiet, (hic.) Appointments active (hic.)</p> + + <p>GREENBAGS.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Influence of Association.</b></p> + + <p>Reading on one of the bulletin boards, the other day, + the words "War to the Last!" we were + irresistibly reminded of the difficulty that lately + existed between the native and Chinese Crispins in + Massachusetts.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>THE WAY TO BECOME GREAT.</b></p> + + <p><img src="images/13.jpg" align="left" alt= + "H">alf-witted people, only, will suppose I mean + <i>grate</i>, for the most obtuse nincompoop must know + that anybody can become a grate man by going into the + stove business; but to develop yourself into a real + <i>bonâ-fide</i> great man, like GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN or + DANIEL PRATT, requires much study and a persistent + effort. I have carefully thought out this subject, and + have reduced my reflections and observations to a series + of rules, which, for the benefit of humanity, I propose + to make public.</p> + + <p>It must he premised that there are many varieties of + great men. Daddy LAMBERT was a great man, so was the + living skeleton, yet even a casual observer could + perceive the difference in their greatness. The greatness + of the fleshy world is one thing; the greatness of the + no-fleshy world is another. Also, strange as it may seem, + a man may be great and yet not be great. HOOD was a great + General, so was NAP 3, but they tell me that Nashville + and Saarbrucken are terrible commentaries on greatness. + Also a man may be great and not know it. They say that, + until he had made his grand success at Fort Fisher, you + never could persuade BUTLER that he was a great General. + TUPPER, I am informed, would never believe that he was + the most remarkable poet ever produced by England. Also a + man may be great and be perfectly aware of it. + Acquaintances of GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN, Gen. O'NEILL, + and Count JOANNES, assert that no one knows, better than + these gentlemen, that they are great men. Also a man may + die calmly in the consciousness that he is a + distinguished individual, and yet, years afterwards, some + magazine writer may cast historic doubts upon his + greatness.</p> + + <p>Of course there are several classes of great people. + There is the little great man, (for example, NAP. 3,) the + big great man, (BISMARCK,) the great little man, (NAP. + 1,) and the great big man, (the Onondaga giant.) But the + patient observer must perceive that general rules will + cover all these cases.</p> + + <p>It is to be hoped that no one, who shall become great + by means of my rules, will turn upon me and revile me, + when he finds himself interviewed incessantly, persecuted + by unearthings of his early sins, by persistent beggars, + by slanders of the envious, by libels of the press, and + by the other concomitants of greatness. You must take the + sour with the sweet. Even the sweetest orange may have an + unpleasant rind.</p> + + <p>RULES BY WHICH EVERY MAN CAN BECOME GREAT.</p> + + <p>1. Always be sure to get what belongs to you, and make + most vigorous grabs for everything that belongs to + everybody else.</p> + + <p>2. Take everything which is offered to you, if it be + on a par with what you deem the standard of your + worth.</p> + + <p>This rule requires the exercise of much wisdom in its + application. If, for example, you look upon the Custom + House as the office which is adapted to you, don't, + under any circumstances, take the appraiser's + position. But you must never let the rule work the other + way.</p> + + <p>3. Always have a policy. Talk about it much and often, + and be sure to call it "my policy."</p> + + <p>The best of rules being liable to misconstruction, + some Congressmen have acted as if this rule read, + "Always have a policy shop."</p> + + <p>4. Always have a theory. If a murder has been + committed, appear to know all about the "dog," + and to be familiar with its history from the time when it + was a pup. Be sure to fix suspicion upon some person, + even if you are compelled to eat your own words on the + following day.</p> + + <p>5. Talk much and often about protection, and give + advice to farmers, even if you don't know anything + about agriculture.</p> + + <p>6. Fill your head with classical quotations, and trot + them out on all occasions, whether discussing a bill for + the diffusion of beans among the Indians, or the Alabama + claims.</p> + + <p>7. Smoke many costly Havana cigars.</p> + + <p>This rule has been lately discovered.</p> + + <p>8. Get some one to write a history of CAESAR for you, + or an account of a tour in the Highlands, and then claim + the work as your own.</p> + + <p>There are one or two observations I would here make, + which may be useful. If you are ambitious, you had better + commence at the lower rounds of the ladder, in order that + your ascent may be safe and rapid. If you would be, for + instance, a great statesman, be first an alderman; if a + great warrior, be first—well, say a tanner. Also, + you should pay particular attention to the clothes which + you inhabit. An old white hat and a slouchy old overcoat + will insure you a nomination for the office of + Governor.</p> + + <p>If, by following these rules and heeding these + observations, you cannot become a great man, you may rest + assured that the fault is not in the rules, but in you. + What is already perfect cannot be made more perfect. If + you fail, after conscientiously following the above + advice, (though I'm not sure that the fact will not + be the same, if you succeed,) it's because you are + already great—a great fool.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>"THE COLORED TROOPS FOUGHT + NOBLY."</b></p> + + <p>So far as the Franco-Prussian war has gone, the + blackest page of its history appears to be the employment + of the Turcos, who are nearly as black as average Nubian + "niggers." The expedient of mixing black troops + with white was not very successful during our own little + war. Raids upon hen-roosts were about the most prominent + results of the experiment, though said raids were + magnified by the Rads into grand victories over Confeds. + The Turcos have done better, so far as mere fighting is + concerned; but their brutal outrages exceed so greatly + the hen-roost exploits of WENDELL PHILLIPS'S devoted + darkies, that they are certainly entitled to be organized + into battalions bearing the title of the NAPOLEON Black + Guards.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>"THE VOICE OF THE TURTLE."</b></p> + + <p>According to a newspaper paragraph, turtles are + growing used to being canned alive, now, on the Pacific + Coast. On hearing of this atrocity, the Nine Muses + repaired at once to the office of PUNCHINELLO, and here + is the result of their visit:</p> + + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> + <span style="margin-left: 1.25em;">'Tis the voice + of the Turtle</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.75em;">That's heard in + the land.</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.25em;">Crying, "Bother + your care!</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.75em;">I don't want to + be canned!<br> + <br></span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.25em;">"Pack me whole + in a tub,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.75em;">Nor be stingy of + ice,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.25em;">What I want is a + BERGH,</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 1.75em;">Nothing less will + suffice."<br> + <br></span> + </div> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.</b></p> + + <p><i>Black-eyed Susan</i> asks us whether a Pitched + battle can take place on land. <i><br> + Answer.</i>—Certainly not. When we speak of a + battle being Pitched we mean that it has been fought by + Tars.</p> + + <p><i>Fogbank.</i>—"Is DANA, of <i>The + Sun</i>, any relation to "Truthful JAMES," of + whom the <i>Overland Monthy</i> has written?" + <i>Answer.</i>—Distantly related, through + intermarriage with the LONGBOWS.</p> + + <p><i>Moses.</i>—We do not suppose that the person + referred to by you as a Dyer and Scourer is in any way + related to OLIVER DYER, although the latter person + scoured Water Street some time since, and very + effectually, in pursuit of a "sensation." The + word "Scourer," nevertheless, might be an + allowable corruption of "Esquire," when applied + to any of the proprietors of that mephitic daily, <i>The + Sun</i>.</p> + + <p><i>Pickerel.</i>—Will Mr. GREELEY be obliged to + dress in court costume if he accepts the mission to the + Court of St. JAMES? <i>Answer.</i>—No. It would be + contrary to Mr. GREELEY'S well-known principles to + get on "tights."</p> + + <p><i>Flagroot.</i>—Is it correct to say the + "balance" of an army, meaning the rest of + it?<br> + <i>Answer.</i>—Not always. When an army has turned + the Scale of battle, however, the word Balance may be + used.</p> + + <p><i>Mary Jane.</i>—I have embroidered a flag for + the Prussian army, and am at a loss for a motto. How + would "Bear and Forbear" do? + <i>Answer.</i>—"Beer and for Beer" would + be better.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <img src="images/14.jpg" alt=""> + + <p><b>"THERE!—I SHOULD LIKE TO SEE THE + UNDERTOW THAT WOULD RUN AWAY WITH ME!"</b></p> + </center> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A ROAR FROM NIAGARA</b>.</p> + + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO:—Having been reminded, by your + recent notes on Niagara, that there is a cataract of that + name, possessed of height and depth and breadth and + volume and other well-known characteristics of a genuine + Waterfall, I thought I would go and see it for myself. + Not that I doubted your statements—which, indeed, + are handsomely supported by familiar + statistics,—but certainly there is a charm in + treading the ground once trod by Greatness, + breathing—well not the same air, I hope, but some + of the same kind,—viewing the identical scenes, and + being swindled by the self-same parties, that had just + occasioned your animated comments.</p> + + <p>I don't know a charm at all comparable with that + of being swindled in the midst of fine scenery, when the + funds and enthusiasm still hold out, and the sense of + actually getting the worth of one's money is not yet + so blunted by transactions calculated to awaken Thought, + as to have lost the power of increasing one's + felicity. That the intelligent lad who drove me was in + league with every one of the parties who were stationed + here and there with the sole apparent purpose of + receiving fifty cents from visitors, I was loth to + believe, though nothing could have been plainer, if one + had happened to think of it from the start.</p> + + <p>Is it not funny, the way they serve their Congress + Water at the Cataract House? They put a big lump of ice + in a tumbler, take a bottle from a shelf, pour the warm, + stale fluid, (tasting like <i>perspiration</i>, as one + might fancy,) into this glass, and expect you to wait + till it has grown cool enough to be palatable. Well, if + you wait, you lose what little life there is left in the + stuff; and if you don't, you'll be sorry you + hadn't done so.</p> + + <p>One may say, "You needn't have ordered any + Congress Water." Very well, but why not, provided I + liked it? The clerk said they kept Vichy, also, but I + learned they were "out." I wish they had been + out of Congress too. "All right!" said I, + "I shall enjoy my breakfast all the more, for I know + <i>that</i> will make amends!" And it did. The + "salmon trout" was dry, as usual, but that + breakfast was a good thing. I enjoyed it, and my two + niggers and my New York paper of day before, (for which I + paid a cute looking boy in the hall ten cents, on my way + to breakfast,) and was happy.</p> + + <p>Not, my dear P., till I reached the "other + side," and had been inveigled into the Museum Hotel, + and persuaded into those vile wrappings of oil-cloth, + with the ponderous rubbers over my thick boots, and had + stood around for some time, awaiting the pleasure of the + very leisurely guide, sweating at every pore, (or + <i>nearly</i> every one, for there are several millions, + I believe, and I so hate exaggeration,) and trying to + evade the glances of the amused bystanders, did I begin + to realize the enormity of the imposition that had been + practised on me. Just fancy <i>yourself</i>, Mr + PUNCHINELLO, in such a costume, taking a seemingly + interminable walk in a hot sun, down ever so many steps, + encased in those nasty articles of gear, in the company + of several other helpless unfortunates, wishing with all + your might yon were already there!"</p> + + <p>"But the grandeur and glory of the adventure will + console me!" I murmured. Grandeur be hanged! A fig + for the "glory!" What! do you call this + "going under the Falls,"—that renowned + journey, so full of peril? Pooh! merely standing in a + bath-tub and letting somebody pull the string! You + don't get quite so wet; that's all. Where's + the "danger," where's the + "glory," of merely stepping under a little + spirt from one end of the Falls, with plenty of room to + stand, and no darkness, no mystery, no nothing. Nothing + but an overwhelming sense of being a cussed fool, and a + simpleton, and a stupid, <i>and</i> a dunce!</p> + + <p>Oh, the going back, after that! in the same loathed + costume, inwardly justifying the laughter of the knowing + loungers as you ascend among them, and cursing yourself + as the chief among ten thousand (ninnies,)—the one + altogether idiotic.</p> + + <p>Except for this enormous swindle, dear P., I should + have enjoyed Niagara, and Niagara would doubtless have + enjoyed me. But this preposterous, disgusting, + outrageous, ridiculous, contemptible, disgraceful, + <i>unsurpassable</i> swindle prevented anything like a + mutual understanding. I saw green in the Falls, the Falls + saw green in me. The Falls kept coming down; I had + already come down, (with my dollars,) and, in fact, was + perpetually descending, with sums varying from + twenty-five cents to four dollars and a half.</p> + + <p>My sole object, friend PUNCHINELLO, in addressing you + on this subject, is to beg and beseech that you will warn + the too-credulous and too-generous public against this + unmatchably atrocious swindle of Going Under the Falls. + It is too much for proud Humanity, Mr. P.! It is + crushing! It is withering! It is annihilating! What! + "Annex" this fraud? Never!—NEVER!</p> + + <p>TUPMAN.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>THE POSSIBLE "WHY?" OF IT.</b></p> + + <p>The personal feeling against the French Emperor, so + often displayed in the columns of the <i>Tribune</i>, has + frequently been a subject of comment. Nevertheless it is + easily accounted for. As Louis NAPOLEON is said to detest + <i>ham</i>, ever since he was incarcerated in the + fortress of that name, so does the Hon. HORACE GREELEY + detest <i>him</i>, ever since he (H. G.) was arrested in + France for some offence, real or imaginary, which we + cannot now recall to mind, and thrown into prison at + Clichy. And to this, also, may be traced the celebrated + <i>bon mot of</i> Mr. GREELEY, who once remarked, on a + festive occasion, that "Ham was afflicted with + <i>trichinosis</i> when it had Louis NAPOLEON in + it."</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A HINT FOR EXCURSIONISTS.</b></p> + + <p>On account of the present nauseating condition of New + York Bay, owing to the offal nuisance, no prudent voyager + should seek to stem its feculent tide unless provided + with "something to take." An intelligent + correspondent suggests that brandy would be about the + thing, but that it should be labelled "Bay + Bum."</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Military Opinion.</b></p> + + <p>The "Prussian centre," of which we hear so + much just now, ought to be permanently established at + Cologne, which place has been, in feet, the Scenter of + the world for generations past.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>BOOK NOTICE.</b></p> + + <p>LIFE OF CHARLES DICKENS.<br> + By E. SHELTON MACKENZIE, LL.D, Philadelphia: T. B. + PETERSON AND BROTHERS.</p> + + <p>In this volume of 484 pages, Dr. MACKENZIE brings + before his readers a very full and interesting + compilation of facts relating to the career of the great + novelist. Besides these, the volume contains a number of + characteristic articles from the pen of DICKENS, + published, originally, in <i>All the Year Round</i>, some + of which are of recent date. The book is embellished with + a portrait and autograph of DICKENS.</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table style= + "width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="text-align: center; width: 30%;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Extraordinary Bargains.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart + & Co.</big></big></p> + + <p><small>Respectfully call the attention of their + Customers and Strangers to their attractive + Stock</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>OF</small></p> + + <p>SUMMER AND FALL</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>DRESS + SILKS,</big></big></p> + + <p><small>At popular prices.</small></p> + + <p>Striped, Checked and Chine</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"> + <big><big><big>SILKS,</big></big></big></p> + + <p><small>In great variety, $1 to $2 per yard;<br> + value $1.50 to $3</small></p> + + <p><big>PLAIN FOULARD,</big></p> + + <p><small>$1.50, value $2 per yard. 24 inch Black and + White Striped $1.75; value $2.50.</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>STRIPED + SATINS,</big></p> + + <p>$1.25; value $2.</p> + + <p>Plain and Striped Japanese,</p> + + <p>75c. and $1 per yard.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Rich White and Colored + Dress Satins,</p> + + <p>Extra Quality.</p> + + <p>A CHOICE LINE OF</p> + + <p>PLAIN GRAINS,</p> + + <p><small>for Evening and Street, $2.50 to $3;<br> + value $3 to $3.50 per yard.</small></p> + + <p>A FEW EXTRA RICH</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>SATIN BROCADE SILKS, + AMERICAN SILKS,</big></p> + + <p><small>Black and Colored, $2.</small></p> + + <p><small>JOB LOT OF MEDIUM AND RICH</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"> + <big><big>SILKS.</big></big></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">GREAT BARGAINS.</p> + + <p><small>A COMPLETE STOCK</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>BLACK + SILKS,</big></big></p> + + <p><small>At popular prices.</small></p> + + <p><small>PLAIN AND STRIPED</small></p> + + <p>GAZE DE CHAMBREY,</p> + + <p>Alexandre Best Kid Gloves, &c., &c.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4th Avenue, 9th and 10th + Streets.</p> + </td> + + <td style="text-align: left;" rowspan="2"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> + <big><big><big><big>PUNCHINELLO.<br> + <br></big></big></big></big><br> + The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and + Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April + 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and + Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of + the kind ever published in America. + </div><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">CONTENTS ENTIRELY + ORIGINAL.</span><br> + <br> + Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) + ............... $4.00<br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " six + months, (without premium,) + ..................................... 2.00</span><br> + <br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.25em;">" " three + months, + " ............................................. 1.00</span><br> + + <br> + Single copies mailed free, for + ............................................... .10<br> + <br> + We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & + CO'S<br> + CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows:<br> + <br> + A copy of paper for one year, and<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">"</span><b style= + "font-weight: bold;">The Awakening</b><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">,"</span></big></big> (a Litter + of Puppies.) Half chromo.<br> + Size 8-3/8 by 11-1/8 ($2.00 picture,) for + ...................... $4.00<br> + <br> + <br> + A copy of paper for one year and either of the following + $3.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wild + Roses.</span></big></big> 12-1/8 x 9.<br> + <big><big><b>Dead Game</b>.</big></big> 11-1/8 x + 8-3/8.<br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 6-3/4 x + 10-1/4—for ..................... $5.00<br> + <br> + <br> + A copy of paper for one year and either of the following + $5.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Group of Chickens;<br> + Group of Ducklings;<br> + Group of Quails</b>.</big></big><br> + Each 10 x 12-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Poultry Yard</b>.</big></big> 10-1/8 x + 14<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Barefoot Boy;<br> + Wild Fruit</b>.</big></big> Each 9-3/4 x 13.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Pointer and Quail;<br> + Spaniel and Woodcock</b>.</big></big> 10 x 12—for + ... $6.50<br> + <br> + <br> + A copy of paper for one year and either of the following + $6.00 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Baby in Trouble;<br> + The Unconscious Sleeper;<br> + The Two Friends</b>. (Dog and Child.)</big></big><br> + Each 13 x 16-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Spring;<br> + Summer;<br> + Autumn;</b><br></big></big> 12-7/8 x 16-1/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>The Kid's Play + Ground</b>.</big></big><br> + 11 x 17-1/2—for ................. $7.00<br> + <br> + <br> + A copy of paper for one year and either of the following + $7.50 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Strawberries and + Baskets</b>.</big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b style="font-weight: bold;">Cherries and + Baskets</b><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">.</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Currants</b>.</big></big> Each 13 x 18.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Horses in a Storm</b>.</big></big> 22-1/4 x + 15-1/4.<br> + <br> + <big style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Six Central Park + Views. (A set.)</big></big><br> + 9-1/8 x 4-1/2—for ........... $8.00<br> + <br> + <br> + A copy of paper for one year and<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Six American Landscapes</b>. (A + set.)</big></big><br> + 4-3/8 x 9, price $9.00—for + .............................................. $9.00<br> + <br> + <br> + A copy of paper for one year and either of the<br> + following $10 chromos:<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Sunset in California</b>.</big></big> + (Bierstadt) 18-1/2 x 12<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Easter Morning</b>.</big></big> 14 x 21.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Corregio's Magdalen</b>.</big></big> + 12-1/4 x 16-3/8.<br> + <br> + <big><big><b>Summer Fruit, and Autumn + Fruit</b>.</big></big> (Half chromos,)<br> + 15-1/2 x 10-1/2, (companions, price $10.00 for the two), + for $10.00<br> + <br> + Remittances should be made in P.O. Orders, Drafts, or + Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper + will be sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) + when not otherwise ordered.<br> + <br> + Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, + twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in + advance; the CHROMOS will be <i>mailed free</i> on + receipt of money.<br> + <br> + CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be + given. For special terms address the Company.<br> + <br> + The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of + seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A + specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or + getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp.<br> + <br> + Address,<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING + CO.,</span><br> + <br> + P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.<br> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>A. T. Stewart + & Co.</big></big></p> + + <p><small>Are offering several lots of</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>HOUSEKEEPING + GOODS</big></p> + + <p><small>MUCH BELOW<br> + COST OF IMPORTATION.</small></p> + + <p><small>5-8 and 3-4 Single and Double DAMASK NAPKINS, + from $1 to $3.50 per doz.</small></p> + + <p><small>DAMASK TABLE CLOTHS, all sizes, from $1.50 to + $2.75 each.</small></p> + + <p><small>Brown and Bleached TABLE DAMASK, all linen, + from 40 to 75c. per yard.</small></p> + + <p><small>LINEN SHEETING, from 60 to 90c. per + yard.</small></p> + + <p><small>PILLOW LINENS, from 30 to 70c. per + yard</small></p> + + <p><small>LINEN SHEETS, for Single and Double Beds, at + $2.5O and upward.</small></p> + + <p><small>Fringed HUCKABACK TOWELS, $1 per doz. and + upward.</small></p> + + <p><small>Bleached HUCKABACK TOWELS, 12 1-2 per yard and + upward.</small></p> + + <p><small>Excellent Kitchen Towelling. In 25 yard pieces, + $3.25 per piece.</small></p> + + <p><small>Several Hundred pieces Linen Nursery Diapers, + various widths, at $1 per piece below Current + prices.</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">MARSEILLES</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">QUILTS AND BLANKETS,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>AT LOW + PRICES.</small></p> + + <p><small>Attention of House and Hotel Keepers is + invited</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">BROADWAY,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH + STREETS</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table width="800" align="center" border="1" cellpadding="2" + cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td rowspan="2" width="66%"> + <center> + <img src="images/16.jpg" alt=""> + + <p>DODD'S LANDLADY IS VERY LAVISH OF + "FLY-PAPER," AND, AS DODD NEVER KNOWS WHERE + HE PUTS HIMSELF OR HIS HAT, THE RESULT IS RATHER + AMUSING.</p> + </center> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tourists and leisure + Travelers</span><br> + <small>will be glad to learn that the Erie Railway + Company has prepared</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">COMBINATION + EXCURSION</span><br> + <small><small>OR</small></small><br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Round Trip + Tickets,</span></big><br> + + <p><small>Valid during the entire season, and embracing + Ithaca— headwaters of Cayuga Lake—Niagara + Falls, Lake Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, + Quebec, Lake Champlain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White + Mountains and all principal points of interest in + Northern New York, the Canadas, and New England. Also + similar Tickets at reduced rates, through Lake Superior, + enabling travelers to visit the celebrated Iron Mountains + and Copper Mines of that region. By applying at the + Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. 241, 529 and 957 + Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich St.; cor. 125th + St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn; + Depots foot of Chambers Street, and foot of 23rd St., New + York; No. 3 Exchange Place, and Long Dock Depot, Jersey + City, and the Agents at the principal hotels, travelers + can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as well as all + the necessary information.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center">"The Printing-House of the United + States."<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">GEO.F.NESBITT + & CO.,</span></big></big><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">General JOB + PRINTERS,</span><br> + <br> + BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,<br> + STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,<br> + LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers.<br> + COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers,<br> + CARD Manufacturers,<br> + ENVELOPE Manufacturers.<br> + FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">163, 165, 167, and 169 + PEARL ST.,</span><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE + ST., New York.</span><br> + <br> + <small>ADVANTAGES. All on the same premises, and under + immediate supervision of the proprietors.</small><br></td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <center> + <p><small>PRANG'S LATEST PUBLICATIONS: "Wild + Flowers," "Water-Lilies," "Chas. + Dickens."<br> + PRANG'S CHROMOS sold in all Art and Bookstores + throughout the world.<br> + PRANG'S ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt + of stamp.</small></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table style= + "width: 800px; text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" + border="1" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td style="width: 50%;"> + <div style="text-align: center;"> + <big><big><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO.</span></big></big></big><br> + + <br> + <small>With a large and varied experience in the + management and publication of a paper of the class + herewith submitted, and with the still more positive + advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the + undertaking, the</small><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING + CO</span>.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">OF THE CITY OF NEW + YORK,</span><br> + <br> + Presents to the public for approval, the new<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS + AND SATIRICAL</span><br> + <br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">WEEKLY + PAPER,</span></small><br> + <br> + <big><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO,</span></big></big><br> + + <br> + The first number of which was issued under<br> + date of April 2.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ORIGINAL + ARTICLES,</span><br> + <br> + + <div style="text-align: center;"> + Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs,, or + suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon + the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will + be paid for liberally.<br> + <br> + Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless + postage stamps are inclosed. + </div> + </div> + + <div style="text-align: center;"> + <br> + TERMS:<br> + <br> + One copy, per year, in advance ....................... + $4.00<br> + <br> + Single copies + .......................................... .10<br> + <br> + A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of + ten cents.<br> + <br> + One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other<br> + magazine or paper, price, $2.50, for ................. + 5.50<br> + <br> + One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for.. + 7.00 + </div><br> + + <div style="text-align: center;"> + All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed + to<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING + CO.,</span><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">No 83 Nassau + Street,</span><br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <br style="font-weight: bold;"> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box, 2783. NEW + YORK.</span> + </div> + </td> + + <td style="text-align: center;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>THE MYSTERY OF + MR. E. DROOD.</big></big></p> + + <p style="font-style: italic;">The New Burlesque + Serial,</p> + + <p><big>Written expressly for PUNCHINELLO,</big></p> + + <p><small>BY</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>ORPHEUS C. + KERR,</big></p> + + <p><small>Commenced in No. 11. will be continued weekly + throughout the year.</small></p> + + <p><small>A sketch of the eminent author, written by his + bosom friend, with superb illustrations of</small></p> + + <p>1ST. THE AUTHOR'S PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT + BEGAD'S HILL, TICKNOR'S FIELDS, NEW JERSEY.</p> + + <p>2ND. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE + taken as he appears "Every Saturday." will also + be found in the same number.</p><br> + + <p>Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen,<br> + (or mailed from this office, free,) Ten Cents.</p> + + <p>Subscription for One Year, one copy,<br> + with $2 Chromo Premium. $4.</p> + + <p><small>Those desirous of receiving the paper + containing this new serial, which promises to be the best + ever written by ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to + insure its regular receipt weekly.</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>We will send the + first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to<br> + any one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, + on<br> + the receipt of SIXTY CENTS.</small></p> + + <p>Address,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING + COMPANY,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">P. O. Box 2783.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">83 Nassau St., New + York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table><br> + + <center> + GEO. 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