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diff --git a/old/10899-8.txt b/old/10899-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e34cd38 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10899-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5633 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Olivia in India, by O. Douglas + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Olivia in India + +Author: O. Douglas + +Release Date: February 1, 2004 [EBook #10899] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLIVIA IN INDIA *** + + + + +Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +OLIVIA IN INDIA + + +O. DOUGLAS + +"_When one discovers a happy look it is one's duty to tell one's +friends about it_." + +JAMES DOUGLAS in _The Star_. + + + + +OLIVIA IN INDIA. By O. DOUGLAS + + +"Happy books are not very plentiful, and when one discovers a happy +book it is one's duty to tell one's friends about it, so that it makes +them happy too. My happy book is called 'Olivia.' It is by a certain +young woman who calls herself O. Douglas, though I suspect that it's +a pen-name.... Olivia can write the most fascinating letters you ever +read."--JAMES DOUGLAS in the _Star_. "Extremely interesting. To have +read this book is to have met an extremely likeable personality in the +author."--_Glasgow Herald_. + + +PENNY PLAIN. By O. DOUGLAS + +"Penny Plain" is a story of life in a little town on the banks of the +Tweed. Jean Jardine, the heroine--who looks after her brothers in +their queer old house, "The Rigs," and is in turn looked after by +the old servant, Mrs. McCosh (from Glasgow), and Peter, the +fox-terrier--describes herself and her life as "penny plain," but with +the coming of Pamela Reston and her brother (who was what Mrs. McCosh +called "a Lord--no less"), everything is changed. There is love in the +book and laughter. "A very able and delightful book."--_The Times_. +"A delicious novel ... a triumphant success."--"A MAN OF KENT" in the +_British Weekly_. + + +THE SETONS. By O. DOUGLAS + +"Portrayed with the humour and insight of a deep affection."--_The +Times_. "Elizabeth is a delightful creature who radiates the +pages."--_Glasgow Herald_. "To the reading public at large it +will prove a sheer delight."--_Glasgow Times_. "Full of +charm."--_Spectator_. "A delightful romance."--_Aberdeen Journal_. + + + + +OLIVIA IN INDIA + +BY + +O. DOUGLAS + +AUTHOR OF "THE SETONS" "PENNY PLAIN" ETC. + +1912 + + + + +CONTENTS + +PART I +THROUGH THE GATES OF THE EAST + +PART II +FLESHPOTS OF CALCUTTA + +PART III +THE SUNBURNED EARTH + +PART IV +THE LAND OF REGRETS + + + + +THROUGH THE GATES OF THE EAST + + + + +_S.S. Scotia, Oct_. 19, 19--. + +... This is a line to send off with the pilot. There is nothing to say +except "Good-bye" again. + +We have had luncheon, and I have been poking things out of my cabin +trunk, and furtively surveying one--there are two, but the other seems +to be lost at present--of my cabin companions. She has fair hair and a +blue motor-veil, and looks quiet and subdued, but then, I dare say, so +do I. + +I hope you are thinking of your friend going down to the sea in a +ship. + +I feel, somehow, very small and lonely. + +OLIVIA. + + +_S.S. Scotia, Oct_. 21. (_In pencil_.) + +... Whatever you do, whatever folly you commit, never, never be +tempted to take a sea voyage. It is quite the nastiest thing you can +take--I have had three days of it now, so I know. + +When I wrote to you on Saturday I had an uneasy feeling that in the +near future all would not be well with me, but I went in to dinner and +afterwards walked up and down the deck trying to feel brave. Sunday +morning dawned rain-washed and tempestuous, and the way the ship +heaved was not encouraging, but I rose, or rather I descended from +my perch--did I tell you I had an upper berth?--and walked with an +undulating motion towards my bath. Some people would have remained in +bed, or at least gone unbathed, but, as I say, I rose--mark, please, +the rugged grandeur of the Scots character--and such is the force of +example the fair-haired girl rose also. Before I go any further I must +tell you about this girl. Her name is Hilton, Geraldine Hilton, but as +that is too long a name and already we are great friends, I call her +G. She is very pretty, with the kind of prettiness that becomes more +so the more you look--and if you don't know what I mean I can't stop +to explain--with masses of yellow hair, such blue eyes and pink cheeks +and white teeth that I am convinced I am sharing a cabin with the +original Hans Andersen's Snow Queen. She is very big and most healthy, +and delightful to look at; even sea-sickness does not make her look +plain, and that, you will admit, is a severe test; and what is more, +her nature is as healthy and sweet as her face. You will laugh and say +it is like me to know all about anyone in three days, but two sea-sick +and home-sick people shut up in a tiny cabin can exhibit quite a lot +of traits, pleasant and otherwise, in three days. + +Well, we dressed, and reaching the saloon, sank into our seats only to +leave again hurriedly when a steward approached to know if we would +have porridge or kippered herring! I know you are never sea-sick, +unlovable creature that you are, so you won't sympathize with us as +we lay limp and wretched in our deck-chairs on the damp and draughty +deck. Even the fact that our deck-chairs were brand-new, and had our +names boldly painted in handsome black letters across the back, +failed to give us a thrill of pleasure. At last it became too utterly +miserable to be borne. The sight of the deck-steward bringing round +cups of half-cold beef-tea with grease spots floating on the top +proved the last straw, so, with a graceful, wavering flight like a +woodcock, we zigzagged to our bunks, where we have remained ever +since. + +I don't know where we are. I expect Ushant has slammed the door on us +long ago. Our little world is bounded by the four walls of the cabin. +All day we lie and listen to the swish of the waves as they tumble +past, and watch our dressing-gowns hanging on the door swing backwards +and forwards with the motion. At intervals the stewardess comes in, a +nice Scotswoman,--Corrie, she tells me, is her home-place,--and brings +the menu of breakfast--luncheon--dinner, and we turn away our heads +and say, "Nothing--nothing!" Our steward is a funny little man, very +small and thin, with pale yellow hair; he reminds me of a moulting +canary, and his voice cheeps and is rather canary-like too. He is +really a very kind little steward and trots about most diligently on +our errands, and tries to cheer us by tales of the people he has known +who have died of sea-sickness: "Strained their 'earts, Miss, that's +wot they done!" It isn't very cheerful lying here, looking out through +the port-hole, now at the sky, next at the sea, but what it would have +been without G. I dare not think. We have certainly helped each other +through this time of trial. It is a wonderful blessing, a companion in +misfortune. + +But where, you may ask, is the third occupant of the cabin? Would it +not have been fearful if she, too, had been stretched on a couch of +languishing? Happily she is a good sailor, though she doesn't look it. +She is a little woman with a pale green complexion and a lot of sleek +black hair, and somehow gives one the impression of having a great +many more teeth than is usual. Her name is Mrs. Murray, and she is +going to India to rejoin her husband, who rejoices in the name of +Albert. Sometimes I feel a little sorry for Albert, but perhaps, after +all, he deserves what he has got. She has very assertive manners. I +think she regards G. and me as two young women who want keeping in +their places, though I am sure we are humble enough now whatever we +may be in a state of rude health. Happily she has friends on board, +so she rarely comes to the cabin except to tidy up before meals, and +afterwards to tell us exactly everything she has eaten. She seems to +have a good appetite and to choose the things that sound nastiest when +one is seedy. + +No--I don't like Mrs. Murray much; but I dislike her hat-box more. It +is large and square and black, and it has no business in the cabin, +it ought to be in the baggage-room. Lying up here I am freed from its +tyranny, but on Saturday, when I was unpacking, it made my life a +burden. It blocks up the floor under my hooks, and when I hang things +up I fall over it backwards, when I sit on the floor, which I have to +do every time I pull out my trunk, it hits me savagely on the spine, +and once, when I tried balancing it on a small chest of drawers, it +promptly fell down on my head and I have still a large and painful +bump as a memento. + +I wonder if you will be able to make this letter out? I am writing it +a little bit at a time, to keep myself from getting too dreadfully +down-hearted. G. and I have both very damp handkerchiefs under our +pillows to testify to the depressed state of our minds. "When I was at +home I was in a better place, but travellers must be content." + +I don't even care to read any of the books I brought with me, except +now and then a page or two of _Memories and Portraits_. It comforts me +to read of such steady, quiet places as the Pentland Hills and of the +decent men who do their herding there. + +Is it really only three days since I left you all, and you envied me +going out into the sunshine? Oh! you warm, comfortable people, how I, +in this heaving uncertain horror of a ship, envy you! + + +_25th_. + +(_Still in pencil_.) + +You mustn't think I have been lying here all the time. On Tuesday we +managed to get on deck, and on Wednesday it was warm and sunny, and we +began to enjoy life again and to congratulate ourselves on having got +our sea-legs. But we got them only to lose them, for yesterday the +wind got up, the ship rolled, we became every minute more thoughtful, +until about tea-time we retired in disorder. It didn't need the little +steward's shocked remark, "Oh my! You never 'ave gone back to bed +again!" to make us feel ashamed. + +However, we reach Marseilles to-day at noon, and, glorious thought, +the ship will stand still for twenty-four hours. Also there will be +letters! + +This isn't a letter so much as a wail. + +Don't scoff. I know I'm a coward. + + +_S.S.Scotia, Oct. 27_. + +... A fountain-pen is really a great comfort. I am writing with my new +one, so this letter won't, I hope, be such a puzzle to decipher as my +pencil scrawl. + +We are off again, but now the sun shines from a cloudless sky on a sea +of sapphire, and the passengers are sunning themselves on deck like +snails after a shower. I'm glad, after all, I didn't go back from +Marseilles by train. + +When we reached Marseilles the rain was pouring, but that didn't +prevent us ("us" means G. and myself) from bounding on shore. We found +a dilapidated _fiacre_ driven by a still more dilapidated _cocher_, +who, for the sum of six francs, drove us to the town. I don't know +whether, ordinarily, Marseilles is a beautiful town or an ugly one. +Few people, I expect, would have seen anything attractive in it this +dark, rainy October afternoon, but to us it was a sort of Paradise +regained. We had tea at a café, real French tea tasting of hay-seed +and lukewarm water, and real French cakes; we wandered through the +streets, stopping to stare in at every shop window; we bought violets +to adorn ourselves, and picture-postcards, and sheets of foreign +stamps for Peter, and all the time the rain poured and the street +lamps were cheerily reflected in the wet pavements, and it was so +damp, and dark, and dirty, and home-like, we sloppered joyfully +through the mud and were happy for the first time for a whole week. +The thought of letters was the only thing that tempted us back to the +ship. + +I heard from all the home people, even Peter wrote, a most +characteristic epistle with only about half the words wrongly spelt, +and finishing with a spirited drawing of the _Scotia_ attacked by +pirates, an abject figure crouching in the bows being labelled "You!" +How I miss that young brother of mine! I ache to see his nubbly +features ("nubbly" is a portmanteau word and exactly describes them) +and the hair that no brush can persuade to lie straight, and to hear +the broad accent--a legacy from a nurse who hailed from a mining +village in Lithgow--which is such a trial to his relatives I have no +illusions about Peter's looks any more than he has himself. A too +candid relative commenting once on his excessive plainness in his +presence, he replied, "Yes, I know, but I've a nice good face." I +sometimes feel that if Peter turns out badly it will be greatly my +fault. Mother was so busy with many things that I naturally, as the +big sister, did most of the training, and it wasn't easy. When I read +to him on Sunday _Tales of the Covenanters_, he at once made up his +mind that he much preferred Claverhouse to John Brown of Priesthill, +an unheard-of heresy, and yawning vigorously, announced that he was as +dull as a bull and as sick as a daisy. One night when I went to hear +him say his prayers, he said: + +"I'm not going to say any prayers," + +"Oh, Peter," I said, "why?" + +"'Cos I've prayed for a whole year it would be snow on Christmas and +it wasn't--just rain." + +"Then," I said very gravely, "God won't take care of you through the +night." + +"Put me in my bed," said the little ruffian, "and I'll see;" and I was +awakened at break of day by a small figure in pyjamas dancing at my +bedside, shouting with unholy joy, "I'm here, you see, I'm here," and +it was weeks before I could bring him to a better state of mind. + +So much younger than any of us--the other boys were at Oxford when he +was in his first knickerbockers--he was a lonely little soul and lived +in a world of his own, peopled by the creatures of his own imaginings. +His great friend was Mr. Bathboth of Bathboth--don't you like the +name?--and he would come in from a walk with his nurse, fling down his +cap and remark, "I've been seeing Mr. Bathboth in his own house--oh! a +lovely house. It's a _public-house_!" + +I'm afraid he was a very low character this Mr. Bathboth. According to +Peter, "he smoked, and he swored, and he put his fingers to his nose +when his mother said he wasn't to," so we weren't surprised to hear of +his end. He was pulled up to heaven by a crane for bathing in the sea +on Sunday. Another of Peter's creatures was a bogle called "Windy +Wallops" who lived in the garrets and could only be repulsed with +hairbrushes. "Whippetie Stoowrie," on the other hand, was a kindly +creature inhabiting the nursery chimney, and given to laying small +offerings such as a pistol and caps or a sugar mouse on the fender. A +strange fancy once took Peter to dig graves for us all in the garden. +It wasn't that he disliked us; on the contrary, he considered he was +doing us an honour. My grave was suggestively near the rubbish-heap, +but he pointed out that it was because the lily-of-the-valley grew +there. One day he came in earthy but determined-looking. "Dodo didn't +send me anything for my birthday," he announced, "so I've _filled up +his grave_." + +Now Peter has gone to school and has put away childish things, and the +desire to be a knight like Launcelot. He no longer babbles to himself +in such a way as to make strangers doubt of his sanity; and he +confided to me lately that when he grew up he hoped to lead a Double +Life. He who was brought up in Camelot, he who wept when Roland +at Roncesvalles blew his horn for the last time, now devours +blood-curdling detective stories, vile things in paper covers, which +he keeps concealed about his person, and whips out at odd moments. +What he hates is a book with the slightest hint of a love affair. I +found him disgustedly punching a book with his fist and muttering +(evidently to the hero), "I know you, I know you, you're in love with +her," in tones of bitter scorn. When I begin to speak about Peter I +can't stop, and forget how tiresome it must be for people to listen. I +apologize, but please bear with me when I enlarge upon this brother of +mine; I simply must, sometimes. + +How good of you to write such a long letter! Of course I shall write +often and at length, but you must promise not to be bored, or expect +too much. I fear you won't get anything very wise or witty from +me. You know how limited I am. The fairies, when they came to my +christening, might have come better provided with gifts. But then, I +expect they have only a certain number of gifts for each family, so +I don't in the least blame them for giving the boys the brains and +giving me--what? At the moment I can't think of anything they did give +me except a heart that keeps on the windy side of care, as Beatrice +puts it; and hair that curls naturally. I have no grudge against the +fairies. If they had given me straight hair and brains I might have +been a Suffragist and shamed my kin by biting a policeman; and _that_ +would have been a pity. + + +_Later_. + +G. and I are crouched in a corner, very awed and sad. A poor man died +suddenly yesterday from heart failure, and the funeral is just over. I +do hope I shall never again see a burial at sea. It was terrible. The +bell tolled and the ship slowed down and almost stopped, while the +body, wrapped in a Union Jack, was slipped into the water, committed +to the deep in sure and certain hope of a blessed resurrection. In a +minute it was all over. + +The people are laughing and talking again; the dressing-bugle has +sounded; things go on as if nothing had happened. We are steaming +ahead, leaving the body--such a little speck it looked on the great +water--far behind. + +It is the utter loneliness of it that makes me cry! + + +_S.S. Scotia, Oct. 29_. + +... This won't be a tidy letter, for I am sitting close beside the +rail--has it a nautical name? I don't know--and every few minutes the +spray comes over and wets the paper and incidentally myself. _And_ +the fountain-pen! I greatly fear it leaks, for my middle finger is +blackened beyond hope of cleansing, and though not ten minutes ago Mr. +Brand inked himself very comprehensively filling it for me, already it +requires frequent shakings to make it write at all. I thought it would +be a blessing, it threatens to become a curse. I foresee that very +shortly I shall descend again to a pencil, or write my letters with +the aid of scratchy pens and fat, respectable ink-pots in the stuffy +music-room. + +You will have two letters from Port Said. The one I wrote you two days +ago finished in deep melancholy, but to-day it is so good to be alive +I could shout with joy. I woke this morning with a jump of delight, +and even Mrs. Albert Murray--she of the hat-box and the many +teeth--could not irritate me, and you can't think how many irritating +ways the woman has. It is 10 a.m. and we have just come up from +breakfast, and have got our deck-chairs placed where they will catch +every breeze (and some salt water), and, with a pile of books and two +boxes of chocolate, are comfortably settled for the day. + +You ask about the passengers. + +We have all sorts and conditions. Quiet people who read and work +all day; rowdy people who never seem happy unless they are throwing +cushions or pulling one another downstairs by the feet; painfully +enterprising people who get up sports, sweeps, concerts, and dances, +and are full of a tiresome, misplaced energy; bridge-loving people who +play from morning till night; flirtatious people who frequent dark +corners; happy people who laugh; sad people who sniff; and one man who +can't be classed with anyone else, a sad gentleman, his hair standing +fiercely on end, a Greek Testament his constant and only companion. +We pine to know who and what he is and where he is going. Yesterday I +found myself beside him at tea. I might not have existed for all the +notice he took of me. "Speak to him," said G. in my ear. "You don't +dare!" + +Of course after that I had to, so pinching G's arm to give myself +courage, I said in a small voice, "Are you enjoying the voyage?" + +He turned, regarded me with his sad prominent eyes. "Do I look as if +I enjoyed it?" asked this Monsieur Melancholy, and went back to his +bread-and-butter. G. choked, and I finished my tea hurriedly and in +silence. + +Nearly everyone on board seems nice and willing to be pleasant. I +am on smiling terms with most and speaking terms with many, but one +really sees very little of the people outside one's own little set. It +is odd how people drift together and make cliques. There are eight in +our particular set. Colonel and Mrs. Crawley, Major and Mrs. Wilmot; +Captain Gordon, Mr. Brand, G., and myself. The Crawleys, the Wilmots, +and Captain Gordon are going back after furlough; Mr. Brand and G. and +I are going only for pleasure and the cold weather. Our table is much +the merriest in the saloon. Mrs. Crawley is a fascinating woman; I +never tire watching her. Very pretty, very smart with a pretty wit, +she has the most delightfully gay, infectious laugh, which contrasts +oddly with her curiously sad, unsmiling eyes, Mrs. Wilmot has a +Madonna face. I don't mean one of those silly, fat-faced Madonnas one +sees in the Louvre and elsewhere, but one's own idea of the Madonna; +the kind of face, as someone puts it, that God must love. + +She isn't pretty and she isn't in the least smart, but she is just a +kind, sweet, wise woman. Her husband is a cheery soul, very big and +boyish and always in uproarious spirits. Captain Gordon makes a good +listener. Mr. Brand, although he must have left school quite ten years +ago, is still very reminiscent of Eton and has a school-boyish taste +in silly rhymes and riddles. Colonel Crawley, a stern and somewhat +awe-inspiring man, a distinguished soldier, I am told, hates +_passionately_ being asked riddles, and we make him frantic at table +repeating Mr. Brand's witticisms. He sits with a patient, disgusted +face while we repeat, + + "Owen More had run away + Owin' more than he could pay; + Owen More came back one day + Owin' more"; + +and when he can bear it no longer leaves the table remarking +_Titbits_. He had his revenge the other day, when the ship was rolling +more than a little. We had ventured to the saloon for tea and were +surveying uncertainly some dry toast, when Colonel Crawley came in. +"Ah!" he said, "Steward! Pork chops for these ladies." The mere +thought proved the thing too much, we fled to the fresh air--tealess. + +I meant this to be a very long letter, but this pen, faint yet +pursuing, shows signs of giving out. I have to shake it every second +word now. + +The bugle has gone for lunch, and G. who has been sound asleep for the +last hour, is uncoiling herself preparatory to going down. + +So good-bye. + + +_S.S. Scotia, Nov. 1_. + +... All day we have glided through the Canal. Imagine a shining band +of silver water, a band of deepest blue sky, and in between a bar of +fine gold which is the desert--and you have some idea of what I am +looking at. Sometimes an Arab passes riding on a camel, and I can't +get away from the feeling that I am a child again looking at a highly +coloured Bible picture-book on Sabbath afternoons. + +We landed at Port Said yesterday morning. People told us it was a +dirty place, an uninteresting place, a horribly dull place, not worth +leaving the ship to see, but it was our first glimpse of the East and +we were enchanted. The narrow streets, the white domes and minarets +against the blue sky, the flat roofs of the houses, the queer shops +with the Arabs shouting to draw attention to their wares, and, above +all, the new strange smell of the East, were, to us, wonderful and +fascinating. + +When we got ashore the sun was shining with a directness hitherto +unknown to us, making the backs of our unprotected heads feel somewhat +insecure, so we went first to a shop where we spied exposed to sale a +rich profusion of topis. In case you don't know, a topi is a sun-hat, +a white thing, large and saucer-like, lined with green, with cork +about it somewhere, rather suggestive of a lifebelt; horribly +unbecoming but quite necessary. + +A very polite man bowed us inside, and we proceeded on our quixotic +search for a topi not entirely hideous. Half an hour later we came out +of the shop, the shopman more obsequious than ever, not only wearing +topis, but laden with boxes of Turkish Delight, ostrich-feather fans, +tinsel scarves, and a string of pink beads which he swore were coral, +but I greatly doubt it. We had an uneasy feeling as we bought the +things that perhaps we were foolish virgins, but before the afternoon +was very old we were sure of it. You wouldn't believe how heavy +Turkish Delight becomes when you carry half a dozen boxes for some +hours under a blazing sun, and I had a carved book-rest under one arm, +and G. had four parcels and a green umbrella. To complete our disgust, +after weltering under our purchases for some time we saw in a shop +exactly the same things much cheaper. G. pointed a wrathful finger, +letting two parcels fall to do it. "Look at that," she said. "I'm +going straight back to tell the man he's cheated us." With difficulty +I persuaded her it wasn't worth while, and tired and dusty we +sank--no, we didn't sink, they were iron chairs--we sat down hard on +chairs outside a big hotel and demanded tea immediately. Some of the +ship people were also having tea at little tables, and a party of +evil-looking Frenchmen were twanging guitars and singing sentimental +songs for pennies. While we were waiting a man--an Arab, I +think--crouched beside us and begged us to let him read our hands +for half a crown, and we were weak enough to permit it. You may be +interested to know that I am to be married "soon already" to a high +official with gold in his teeth. It sounds ideal. G. was rather awed +by the varied career he sketched for her. After tea, which was long in +coming and when it came disappointing, we had still some time, so we +hailed a man driving a depressed-looking horse attached to a carriage +of sorts, and told him to drive us all round. He looked a very wicked +man, but it may have been the effect of his only having one eye, for +he certainly had a refined taste in sights. When we suggested that we +would like to see the Arab bazaar he shook his head violently, and +instead drove us along dull roads, stopping now and again to wave a +vague whip towards some building, remarking in most melancholy tones +as he did so, "The English Church"--"The American Mission." + +Back on the ship again, sitting on deck in the soft darkness, watching +the lights of the town and hearing a faint echo of the life there, I +realized with something of a shock that it was Hallow-e'en. Does that +convey nothing to your mind? To me it brings back memories of +cold, fast-shortening days, and myself jumping long-legged over +cabbage-stalks in the kitchen-garden, chanting-- + + "This is the nicht o' Hallow-e'en + When a' the witches will be seen--" + +in fearful hope of seeing a witch, not mounted on a broomstick, but on +the respectable household cat, changed for that night into a flying +fury; finally, along with my brothers, being captured, washed, and +dressed, to join with other spirits worse than ourselves in "dooking" +for apples and eating mashed potatoes in momentary expectation of +swallowing a threepenny-bit or a thimble. To-night, far from the other +spirits, far from the chill winds and the cabbage-stalks, I have been +watching the sunset on the desert making the world a glory of rose and +gold and amethyst. Now it is dark; the lights are lit all over the +ship; the floor of heaven is thick inlaid with patines of bright gold... + + "In such a night did young Lorenzo ..." + + +_Nov. 2, 11.30 a.m_. + +Our fellow-passengers derive much amusement from the way we sit and +scribble, and one man asked me if I were writing a book! All this time +I haven't mentioned the Port Said letters. We got them before we left +the ship, and, determined for once to show myself a well-balanced, +sensible young person, I took mine to the cabin and locked them firmly +in a trunk, telling myself how nice it would be to read them in peace +on my return. The spirit was willing, but--I found I must rush down to +take just a peep to see if everyone was well, and the game ended with +me sitting uncomfortably on the knobby edge of Mrs. Albert Murray's +bunk, breathlessly tearing open envelopes. + +They were all delightful, and I have read them many times. I have +yours beside me now, and to make it like a real talk I shall answer +each point as it comes. + +You say the sun hasn't shone since I left. + +Are you by any chance paying me a compliment? Or are you merely +stating a fact? As Pet Marjorie would say, I am primmed up with +majestic pride because of the compliments I receive. One lady, whose +baby I held for a little this morning, told me I had such a sweet, +unspoiled disposition! But what really pleased me and made me feel +inches taller was that Captain Gordon told someone who told me that he +thought I had great stability of character. It is odd how one loves +to be told one has what one hasn't! I, who have no more stability of +character than a pussy-cat, felt warm with gratitude. Only--I should +like to make my exit now before he discovers how mistaken he is! + +Yes, I wish you were sitting by my side racing through the waves. +Indeed, I wish all my dear people were here. + +Are you really feeling lonely, you popular young man of many +engagements? Lonely and dissatisfied are your words. But why? Why? +Surely no one ever had less reason to feel dissatisfied. There are +very many people, my friend, who wouldn't mind being you. And yet you +aren't thankful! Not thankful for the interesting life you have, the +plays you see, the dinners you eat, the charming women you talk to, +the balls you dance at, the clubs you frequent--though what a man does +at his clubs beyond escaping for a brief season from his womenkind +I never quite know. Think how nice to be a man and not have to look +pleased when one is really bored to extinction! If you are bored you +have only to slip away to your most comfortable rooms. Did I tell you +how much I liked your rooms that day Margie and I went to tea with +you? or were we too busy talking about other things? Now don't be like +Peter. He was grumbling about something and I told him to go away and +count his blessings. He went obediently, and returned triumphant. +"I've done it!" he said, "and I've six things to be thankful for and +nine to be unthankful for--" + +One thing for which I think you might feel "unthankful" is your +lamentable lack of near relations. It is hard to be quite alone in +the world; for, I agree, aunts don't count for much. Weighed in the +balance they are generally found woefully wanting. + +I remember once, when we were laughing over some escapade of our +childhood you said you had no very pleasant recollection of your +childish days, that you didn't look forward to holidays and that your +happiest time was at school, because then you had companions. + +I feel quite sad when I think what you missed. We were very lucky, +four of us growing up together, and I sometimes wonder if other +children had the same full, splendid time we had, and if they employed +it getting into as many scrapes. The village people, shaking their +heads over us and our probable end, used to say, "They're a' bad, but +the lassie (meaning me) is the verra deil." We were bad, but we were +also extraordinarily happy. I treasure up all sorts of memories, some +of them very trivial and absurd, store them away in lavender, and +when I feel dreary I take them out and refresh myself with them. One +episode I specially remember, though why I should tell you about it I +don't quite know, for it is a small thing and "silly sooth." We were +staying at the time with our grandmother, the grandmother I am called +for, a very stern and stately lady--the only person I have ever really +stood in awe of. We had been wandering all day, led by John, searching +for hidden treasure at the rainbow's foot, climbing high hills to +see if the world came to an end at the other side, or some equally +fantastic quest. It was dark and almost supper-time and we had +committed the heinous crime of not appearing for tea, so, when we were +told to go at once to see our grandmother, and stumbled just as we +were, tired and dusty, hair on end and stockings at our ankles into +the quiet room where she sat knitting fleecy white things by the table +with the lamp, we expected nothing better than to be sent straight to +bed, probably supperless. Our grandmother laid down her knitting, took +off her spectacles, and instead of the rebuke we expected and deserved +said, "Bairns, come away in. I'm sure you must be tired." It had been +an unsuccessful day; we had found no treasure, not even the World's +End; the night had fallen damp, with an eerily sighing wind which +depressed us vaguely as we trudged homewards; but now, the black night +shut out, there was the fire-light and the lamp-light, the kind old +voice, and the delicious sense of having come home. + +All things considered, you are a young man greatly to be envied, +also at the present moment to be scolded. How can you possibly allow +yourself to think such silly things? You must have a most exaggerated +idea of my charms if you think every man on board must be in love with +me. Men aren't so impressionable. Did you think that when my well-nigh +unearthly beauty burst on them they would fall on their knees and +with one voice exclaim, "Be mine!" I assure you no one has ever even +thought of doing anything of the kind, and if they had _I wouldn't +tell you_. I know you are only chaffing, but I do so hate all that +sort of thing, and to hear people talk of their "conquests" is +revolting. One of the nicest things about G. is that she doesn't care +a bit to philander about with men. She and I are much happier talking +to each other, a fact which people seem to find hard to believe. + +My attention is being diverted from my writing by a lady sitting a few +yards away--the Candle we call her because so many silly young moths +hover round. She is a buxom person, with very golden hair growing +darker towards the roots, hard blue eyes, and a powdery white face. G. +and I are intensely interested to know what is the attraction about +her, for no one can deny there is one. She isn't young; the gods have +not made her fair, and I doubt of her honesty; yet from the first she +has been surrounded by men--most of them, I grant you, unfinished +youths bound to offices in Calcutta, but still men. I thought it might +be her brilliant conversation, but for the last half-hour I have +listened,--indeed we have no choice but to listen, the voices are so +strident,--and it can't be that, because it isn't brilliant or even +amusing, unless to call men names like Pyjamas, or Fatty, or Tubby, +and slap them playfully at intervals is amusing. A few minutes ago +Mrs. Crawley came to sit with us looking so fresh in a white linen +dress. I don't know why it is--she wears the simplest clothes, and yet +she manages to make all the other women look dowdy. She has the gift, +too, of knowing the right thing to wear on every occasion. At Port +Said, for instance, the costumes were varied. The Candle flopped on +shore in a trailing white lace dress and an enormous hat; some broiled +in serge coats and skirts; Mrs. Crawley in a soft green muslin and +rose-wreathed hat was a cool and dainty vision. Well, to return. As +Mrs. Crawley shook up her chintz cushions, she looked across at the +Candle--a long look that took in the elaborate golden hair, the much +too smart blouse, the abbreviated skirt showing the high-heeled +slippers, the crowd of callow youths--and then, smiling slightly +to herself, settled down in her chair. I grew hot all over for the +Candle. I don't suppose I need trouble myself. I expect she is used to +having women look at her like that, and doesn't mind. Does she really +like silly boys so much and other women so little, I wonder! There is +generally something rather nasty about a woman who declares she can't +get on with other women and whom other women don't like. Men have an +absurd notion that we can't admire another woman or admit her good +points. It isn't so. We admire a pretty woman just as much as you do. +The only difference is you men think that if a woman has a lovely +face it follows, as the night the day, that she must have a lovely +disposition. We know better that's all. + +The poor Candle! I feel so mean and guilty writing about her under her +very eyes, so to speak. She looked at me just now quite kindly. I have +a good mind to tear this up, but after all what does it matter? My +silly little observations won't make any impression on your masculine +mind. Only don't say "Spiteful little cat," because I don't mean to +be, really. + +This is much the longest letter I ever wrote. You will have to read a +page at a time and then take a long breath and try again. + +Mr. Brand has just come up to ask us why a sculptor dies a horrible +death? Do you know? + + +_S.S. Scotia, Nov. 6_. + +No one unendowed with the temper of an angel and the patience of a Job +should attempt the voyage to India. Mrs. Albert Murray has neither of +these qualifications any more than I have, and for two days she hasn't +deigned to address a remark to G. or me, all because of a lost pair of +stockings; a loss which we treated with unseemly levity. However, the +chill haughtiness of our cabin companion is something of a relief in +this terrible heat. For it _is_ hot. I am writing in the cabin, and in +spite of the fact that there are two electric fans buzzing on either +side of me, I am hotter than I can say, and deplorably ill-tempered. +Four times this morning, trying to keep out of Mrs. Albert Murray's +way, I have fallen over that wretched hat-box, still here despite our +hints about the baggage-room, and now in revenge I am sitting on it, +though what the owner would say, if she came in suddenly and found to +what base uses I had put her treasure, I dare not let myself think. G. +has a bad headache, and it is dull for her to be alone, so that is +the reason why I am in the cabin at all. To be honest, it is most +unpleasant on deck, rainy with a damp, hot wind blowing, and the +music-room is crowded and stuffy beyond words, or I might not be +unselfish enough to remain with G. I did go up, and a fat person, +whose nurse was ill, gave me her baby to hold, a poor white-faced, +fretful baby, who pulled down all my hair, and I have had the +unpleasant task of doing it up again. If you have ever stood in a very +hot greenhouse with the door shut, and wrestled with something above +your head, you will know what I felt. + +We passed Aden yesterday and stopped for a few hours to coal. That +was the limit. The sun beating down on the deck, the absence of the +slightest breeze, coal-dust sifting into everything--ouf! Aden's +barren rocks reminded me rather of the Skye Coolin. I wonder if they +are climbable. I haven't troubled you much, have I, with accounts +of the entertainments on board? but I think I must tell you about a +whistling competition we had the other day. You must know that we had +each a partner, and the women sat at one end of the deck and the men +stood at the other and were told the tune they had to whistle, when +they rushed to us and each whistled his tune to his partner, who had +to write the name on a piece of paper and hand it back, and the man +who got back to the umpire first won--at least his partner did. Do you +understand? Well, as you know, I haven't much ear for music, and I +hoped I would get an easy tune; but when my partner, a long, thin, +earnest man, with a stutter, burst on me and whistled wildly in my +face, I had the hopeless feeling that I had never heard the tune +before. In his earnestness he came nearer and nearer, his contortions +every moment becoming more extraordinary, his whistling more piercing; +and I, by this time convulsed by awful, helpless laughter, could only +shrink farther back in my seat and gasp feebly, "Please don't." + +Mrs. Crawley was not much better. In my own misery I was aware of +her voice saying politely, "I have no idea what the tune is, but you +whistle beautifully--quite like a gramophone." + +When my disgusted and exhausted partner ceased trying to emulate a +steam-engine and began to look human again, I timidly inquired what he +had been whistling. "The tune," he replied very stiffly, "was 'Rule, +Britannia!'" + +"Dear me," I replied meekly, "I thought at least it was something +from _Die Meistersinger_;" but he deigned no reply and walked away, +evidently hating me quite bitterly. I shan't play that game again, and +I can't believe the silly man really whistled "Rule, Britannia," +for it is a simple tune and one with which I am entirely at home, +whereas--but no matter! + +G. won by guessing "Annie Laurie." She is splendid at all games, and +did I tell you how well she sings? In the cabin, when we are alone, +she sings to me snatches of all sorts of songs, grave and gay, but she +won't sing in the saloon, where every other woman on board with +the smallest pretensions to a voice carols nightly. She is a most +attractive person this G., with quaint little whimsical ways that make +her very lovable. We are together every minute of the day, and yet we +never tire of one another's company. I rather think I do most of the +talking. If it is true that to be slow in words is a woman's only +virtue, then, indeed, is my state pitiable, for talk I must, and G. is +a delightful person to talk to. She listens to my tales of Peter +and the others, and asks for more, and shouts with laughter at the +smallest joke. I pass as a wit with G., and have a great success. She +is going to stay with a married sister for the cold weather. Quite +like me, only I'm going to an unmarried brother. I think we are both +getting slightly impertinent to our elders. They tease us so at meals +in the saloon we have to answer back in self-defence, and it is very +difficult to help trying to be smart; sometimes, at least with me, +it degenerates into rudeness. I told you about all the people at our +table, but I forgot one--a very aged man with a long white beard, +rather like the evil magician in the fairy tales, but most harmless. +"Old Sir Thomas Erpingham," I call him, for I am sure a good soft +pillow for that good grey head were better than the churlish turf of +India. He is very kind, and calls us Sunshine and Brightness, and pays +us the most involved Early Victorian compliments, which we, talking +and laughing all the time, seldom ever hear, and it is left to kind +Mrs. Wilmot to respond. + + +_Nov. 7_. + +Last night we had an excitement. We got into a thick fog and had to +stand still and hoot, while something--a homeward-bound steamer, they +say--nearly ran us down. The people sleeping on deck said it was +most awesome, but I slept peacefully through it until awakened by an +American female running down the corridor and remarking at the top of +a singularly piercing voice, "Wal, I am scared!" + +To-day it is beautifully calm and bright; the nasty, hot, damp wind +has gone; and we are sitting in our own little corner of the deck, +Mrs. Crawley, Mrs. Wilmot, G., and I, sometimes reading, sometimes +writing, very often talking. It is luck for us to have two such +charming women to talk to. Mrs. Crawley is supposed to be my chaperon, +I believe I forgot to tell you that. Boggley, who is a great friend of +hers, wrote and asked her to look after me. How clever of him to fix +on one in every way so desirable! Suppose he had asked the Candle! + +We have such splendid talks about books. Mrs. Wilmot has, I think, +read everything that has been written, also she is very keen about +poetry and has my gift--or is it a vice?--of being able to say great +pieces by heart, so between us G. is sometimes just a little bored. +You see, G. hasn't been brought up in a bookish atmosphere and that +makes such a difference. The other night she was brushing her hair, +unusually silent and evidently thinking deeply. At last she looked up +at me in my bunk, with the brush in her hand and all her hair swept +over one shoulder, and said in the most puzzled way, "What was that +nasty thing Mrs. Wilmot was saying all about dead women?" and do you +know what she objected to? + + "Dear dead women, with such hair, too-- + What's become of all the gold + Used to hang and brush their bosoms? I + Feel chilly and grown old." + +We are very much worried by people planting themselves beside us and +favouring us with their views on life in general. One woman--rather a +tiresome person, a spinster with a curiously horse-like face and large +teeth--sometimes stays for hours at a time and leaves us limp. Even +gentle Mrs. Wilmot approaches, as nearly as it is possible for her to +approach, unkindness in her comments on her. She has such playful, +girlish manners, and an irritating way of giving vent to the most +utter platitudes with the air of having just discovered a new truth. +She has been with us this morning and mentioned that her father was +four times removed from a peerage. I stifled a childish desire to ask +who had removed him, while Mrs. Wilmot murmured, "How interesting!" As +she minced away Mrs. Crawley said meditatively, "The Rocking Horse +Fly," and with a squeal of delight I realized that that was what she +had always vaguely reminded me of. You remember the insect, don't you, +in _Through the Looking-Glass_? It lived on sawdust. One lesson one +has every opportunity of learning on board ship is to suffer fools, +if not gladly, at least with patience. The curious people who stray +across one's path! One woman came on at Port Said--a globe-trotter, +globe-trotting alone. Can you imagine anything more ghastly? She is +very tall, dark and mysterious-looking, and last night when G. and I +were in the music saloon before dinner, she sat down beside us and +began to talk of spiritualism and other weird things. To bring her to +homelier subjects I asked if she liked games. "Games" she said, "what +sort of games? I can ride anything that has four legs and I can hold +my own with a sword." She looked so fierce that if the bugle hadn't +sounded at that moment I think I should have crept under a table. + +"Quite mad," said G. placidly as we left her. + +We are going to have a dance to-night. + + +_S.S. Scotia, Nov. 11_. + +... Now we approach a conclusion. We have passed Colombo, and in three +or four days ought to reach Calcutta. + +Colombo was rather nice, warm and green and moist; but I failed to +detect the spicy breeze blowing soft o'er Ceylon's isle, that the hymn +led me to expect. The shops are good and full of interesting things, +like small ivory elephants, silver ornaments, bangles, kimonos, and +moonstones. We bought various things, and as we staggered with our +purchases into the cabin, which now resembles nothing so much as an +overcrowded pawnshop, Mrs. Murray remarked (we are on speaking terms +again) "I suppose you thought the cabin looked rather empty that you +bought so much rubbish to fill it up." + +We were dumb under the deserved rebuke. We had bought her a fan as a +peace-offering, rather a pretty one too, but she thanked us with no +enthusiasm. + +In Colombo we got rickshaws and drove out to the Galle Face Hotel, a +beautiful place with the surf thundering on the beach outside. If I +were rich I would always ride in a rickshaw. It is a delightful way of +getting about, and as we were trotted along a fine broad road, small +brown boys ran alongside and pelted us with big waxy, sweet-smelling +blossoms. We did enjoy it so. At the Galle Face, in a cool and lofty +dining-hall, we had an excellent and varied breakfast, and ate real +proper Eastern curry for the first time. Another new experience! I +don't like curry at home, curry as English cooks know it--a greasy +make-up of cold joint served with sodden rice; but this was different. +First, rice was handed round, every particle firm and separate and +white, and then a rich brown mixture with prawns and other interesting +ingredients, which was the curry. You mix the curry with the rice, +when a whole trayful of condiments is offered to eat with it, things +like very thin water biscuits, Bombay duck--all sorts of chutney, and +when you have mixed everything up together the result is one of the +nicest dishes it has been my lot to taste. Note also, you eat it with +a fork and spoon, not with a fork alone as mere provincials do! + +I begin to feel so excited about seeing Boggley. It is two years since +he was home last. Will he have changed much, I wonder? There was a +letter from him at Colombo, and he hadn't left Darjeeling and had no +house to take me to in Calcutta, so it would appear that when I do +land my lodging will be the cold ground. It sounds as if he were still +the same casual old Boggley. Who began that name? John, I think. He +had two names for him--"Lo-the-poor-Indian" and "Boggley-Wallah"--and +in time we all slipped into calling him Boggley. I like to think you +two men were such friends at Oxford. Long before I knew you I had +heard many tales of your doings, and I think that was one reason why, +when we did meet, we liked each other and became friends, because we +were both so fond of Boggley. I am filled with qualms as to whether he +will be glad to see me. It must be rather a nuisance in lots of ways +to have a sister to look after, but he was so keen that I should come +that surely he won't think me a bother. Besides, when you think of it, +it was really very good of me to leave my home and all my friends and +brave the perils of the deep, to visit a brother in exile. + +I wish I knew exactly when we shall arrive; this suspense is wearing. +One man told me we would be in on Wednesday, another said we would +miss the tide and not be in till Saturday. I asked the captain, but he +directed me to the barber, who, he said, knew everything--and indeed +there are very few things he doesn't know. He is a dignified figure +with a shiny curl on his forehead, and a rich Cockney accent, full +of information, generally, I must admit, strikingly inaccurate, but +bestowed with such an air. "I do believe him though I know he lies." + + +_13th_. + +We are in the Hooghly and shall be in Kidderpore Dock to-morrow +morning early. Actually the voyage is at an end. I may as well finish +this letter and send it with the mail which leaves Calcutta to-morrow. +We can't pack, because Mrs. Albert Murray is occupying all the cabin +and most of the passage. We shall creep down when she is quite done +and put our belongings together. + +Everyone is flying about writing luggage labels, and getting their +boxes up from the hold, and counting things. Curiously enough, I +am feeling rather depressed; the end of anything is horrid, even a +loathed sea-voyage. After all, it isn't a bad old ship, and the people +have been nice. To-night I am filled with kindness to everyone. Even +Mrs. Albert Murray seems to swim in a rosy and golden haze, and I am +conscious of quite an affection for her, though I expect, when in a +little I go down to the cabin and find her fussing and accusing us of +losing her things, I shall dislike her again with some intensity. We +have all laughed and played and groaned together, and now we part. No, +I _shan't_ say "Ships that pass in the night." Several people--mothers +whose babies I have held and others--have given me their cards and a +cordial invitation to go and stay with them for as long as I like. +They mean it now, I know, but in a month's time shall we even remember +each other's names? + +It will be a real grief to part to-morrow from Mrs. Crawley and +Mrs. Wilmot. The dear women! I wish they had been going to stay in +Calcutta, but they go straight away up country. Are there, I wonder, +many such charming women in India? It seems improbable. I shall miss +all the people at our table: we have been such a gay company. Major +Wilmot says G. and I have kept them all amused and made the voyage +pleasant, but that is only his kind way. It is quite true, though, +what Mrs. Crawley says of G. She is like a great rosy apple, +refreshing and sweet and wholesome. + +What is really depressing me is the thought that wherever I am +to-morrow night there will be no G. to say: + +"Good-night, my dear. Sleep well." + +And I shan't be able to drop my head over my bunk and reply: + +"Good-night, my dear old G." + +It will seem so odd and lonely without her. + +The ship has stopped--we are to anchor here till daylight. + + + + +FLESHPOTS OF CALCUTTA + + + + +_Calcutta, Nov. 18_. + +_In India_. I don't think I have quite realized myself or my +surroundings yet, but one thing I know. Boggley has been better than +his word, for we are not camping in a corner of the Maidan, but have a +decent roof to cover us. + +But I shall go back to where I left off on Wednesday night. + +We spent a hot, breathless night in the river. Towards morning I fell +asleep and dreamed that the ship was sinking in a quicksand and that +I, in trying to save myself, had stuck fast in the port-hole. I +wakened cold with fright, to find it was grey dawn and they were +getting up the anchor. + +Of course we were up at an unearthly hour, all our belongings +carefully packed and labelled, ourselves clad in clean white dresses +and topis to face the burning, shining face of India. There was little +to see and nothing to do, and we walked about getting hungrier and +hungrier, and yet when breakfast-time did come we found we were too +excited to eat. + +When we got into the dock we saw all the people who had come to meet +us penned like sheep into enclosures, and we leaned over the side +trying to make out the faces of friends. Presently they were allowed +to come on board, and I, eagerly watching, spied Boggley bounding up +the ladder, and the next moment we were clutching each other wildly. +But our greeting--what it is to be Scots!--was merely "Hallo! there +you are!" I need not have worried about what I would say when I met +him--yes, I was silly enough to do that--for he is just the same dear +old Boggley, hair as red, eyes as blue and as short-sighted, mouth as +wide as ever. I think his legs are even longer. The first thing he did +when he came on board was to fall over someone's dressing-bag, and +that made us both laugh helplessly like silly children. I introduced +him to G. and the others, and by this time G. had found her sister, +and soon they were all talking together, so G. and I slipped away to +look out for people in whom we were interested. Very specially did we +want, to see Mr. Albert Murray, and when we did see him he was almost +exactly what we had expected--small, sandy-haired, his topi making +his head look out of all proportion, and with a trodden-on look. We +noticed the little man wandering aimlessly about, when a voice from +the music-room door saying "Albert" made him start visibly, and +turning, he sidled up to our cabin companion, who kissed him severely, +while he murmured, "Well, m' dear, how are you?" Seeing us standing +near she said, "Well, good-bye, girls. I hope you'll have a good time +and behave yourselves;" and then, turning to her husband, by way of an +introduction, she added, "These are the girls who shared my cabin." +Mr. Albert shuffled his topi and looked at us with kind, blinking +eyes, but attempted no remark. The last we saw of him he was tugging +the hat-box in the wake of his managing wife. G. looked at me +solemnly. "We had little to complain of," she said; "we weren't +married to her." + +The husband of the Candle was the greatest surprise. I had +imagined--why, I don't know--that that lady's husband would be tall +and red-faced, with a large moustache and loud voice and manner, +someone who would match well with the Candle. Instead, we beheld a +dark, thin-faced man with a stoop, a man who looked like a scholar and +spoke with a delightful, quiet voice. He addressed the Candle as Jane. +_Jane!_ If it had been Fluffy, or Trixie, or Chippy, or even Dolly, +but, with that hair, that complexion, that voice, that troop of +attendant swains, to be called Jane! The thing was out of all reason. +I wonder all the widespread family of Janes, with their meek eyes +and smoothly braided hair, don't rise up and call her anything but +blessed. Oh, I know there was no thought of pleasing me when she was +christened, but still--Jane! + +It was rather sweet to watch the little family groups, the mother +assuring a bored, indifferent infant that this was its own daddy, and +the proud father beaming on both. + +The self-conscious bridegrooms sidling up to their blushing brides +afforded us much amusement. Some had not seen each other for five +years. I wonder if one or two didn't rue their bargains! It seems to +me a terrible risk! + +I could have gone on watching the people for a long time, but Boggley +was anxious to be off; so after tearful farewells and many promises to +write had been exchanged, we departed. + +The special Providence that looks after casual people has guided +Boggley to quite a nice house in a nice part of the town. Many +Government people who are in Calcutta only for the cold weather--I +mean those of them who are burdened not with wealth but +women-folk--find it cheaper and more convenient to live in a +boarding-house. Does that conjure up to you a vision of Bloomsbury, +and tall grey houses, and dirty maid-servants, and the Passing of +Third Floor Backs? It isn't one bit like that. This boarding-house +consists, oddly enough, of four big houses all standing a little +distance apart in a compound. They are let out in suites of rooms, and +the occupants can either all feed together in the public dining-room +or in lonely splendour in their own apartments. We have five rooms on +the ground floor. Of the two sitting-rooms one is almost quite dark, +and is inhabited by a suite of furniture, three marble-topped tables +on which Boggley had set out the few photographs and trifles which he +hasn't yet lost, and a sad-looking cabinet; the other opens into +the garden, and is a nice cheerful room. The dark room we have made +Boggley's study; as he only uses it at night, it doesn't matter about +the want of light, and there is a fine large writing-table which holds +stacks of papers. We got the marble-topped tables carried into the +cheery room and covered them with tablecloths from a shop in Park +Street, bought rugs for the floor and hangings for the doors, and with +a few cushions and palms and flowers the room is quite pretty and +home-like. I like the chairs, enormous cane things with long wooden +arms which Boggley says are meant for putting one's feet on, and most +comfortable. + +Boggley's bedroom is next his study, but I have to take a walk before +I come to mine, out of the window,--or door, I'm never sure which it +is,--down some steps, then along a garden-walk, round a corner, and +up some more steps, where I reach first a small ante-room and then my +bedroom. Like the other rooms, it is whitewashed and has a very high +ceiling. Some confiding sparrows have built a nest in a hole in the +wall, and--and this is really upsetting--there are _ten_ different +ways of entering the room, doors and windows, and half of them I can't +lock or bar or fasten up in any way. What I should do if a Mutiny +occurred I can't think! My bed with its mosquito-curtains stands like +a little island in a vast sea of matting, and there are two large +wardrobes, what they call _almirahs_, a dressing-table, and two +chairs. It is empty and airy, and that is all that is required of a +bedroom. + +The four houses, as I told you, stand in a compound. It isn't exactly +a garden, for there are lots of things in it that we would consider +quite superfluous in a self-respecting garden. There is a good tennis +lawn, plots of flowers, trimly-kept walks bordered with poinsettias, +and trees with white, heavily-scented flowers, and opposite my bedroom +is a little stone-paved enclosure where two cows and two calves lead +a calm and meditative existence! And further, there are funny little +huts scattered about where one catches glimpses of natives at their +devotions or slumbering peacefully. Imagine in the middle of a garden +at home coming on a cowhouse or a shanty! But this is India. + +Boggley conducted me round, both of us talking hard all the time. He +had so many questions to ask and I had so much to tell: all the home +news and silly little home jokes--Peter's latest sayings--things that +are so amusing to tell and to hear but lose all their flavour written. +You remember Boggley's wild bursts of laughter? He laughs just the +same now, throws his head back and shouts in the most whole-hearted +way. We talked from 11 a.m. till tea-time without a break--talked +ourselves hoarse and thirsty. After tea we drove on the Maidan, up +and down the Red Road in an unending stream of carriages and motors, +shabby _tikka-gharries_ and smart little dogcarts (called here +tum-tums)--all Calcutta taking the air. One might almost have imagined +oneself in the Park, if it had not been that now and again a strange +equipage would pass filled with natives, men and boys gorgeous in +purple and scarlet and gold, or closed carriages like boxes on wheels, +in which sat dark-skinned women demurely veiled. From the Red Road we +drove to the Strand, a carriage-way by the river where the great +ships lie, and watched the sun set and the spars and masts become +silhouetted against the red sky. Then darkness fell almost at once. + +My mind was a chaos when I went to bed after my first day in India, +and I slept so soundly that when I woke I had no idea where I was. All +re-collections of the voyage and arrival were wiped from my memory and +I was filled first with vague astonishment and then with horror to +find myself surrounded by filmy white stuff through which peered a +black face. It was only my _ayah_, a quaint, small person, wrapped +in a white _sari_, with demure, sly eyes and teeth stained red with +chewing betel-nut, looking through the mosquito-curtains to see if the +Miss Sahib was awake and would like _chota-hazri_. She embarrasses +me greatly slipping about with her bare feet, appearing when I least +expect her or squatting on the floor staring at me fixedly. I know +no Hindustani and she knows perhaps three English words, so our +conversation is limited. The silence gets so on my nerves that I drop +hairbrushes and things to make a little disturbance, and it gives her +something to do to pick them up. I must at once learn some Hindustani +words such as pink, blue, and green, and then I shall be able to tell +Bella what dress to lay out, and her place won't be such a sinecure. I +call her Bella because it is the nearest I can get to her name and it +has a homely sound. + +The rest of my impressions I shall keep for my next letter. I have +written this much to give you an idea of my surroundings, and you see +I have taken your interest for granted. Are you bored? Of course you +will say you are not, but if I could see your face I should know. + +The home mail arrives here on Sunday, when people are having what +they call a "Europe morning," and have time to read and enjoy their +letters. When you wrote you had just had my mail from Marseilles. +How far behind you are! It was too bad of me to write such pitiful +letters, but I think I was too miserable to pretend. Now I am very +well off, and no one could be more utterly thoughtful and kind than +old Boggley. I am sure I shall never regret coming to India, and +it will be something to dream about when I am a douce +Olivia-sit-by-the-fire. + +You speak of rain and mud and fog, and it all seems very far away from +this afternoon land. The winter will soon pass, and, as you nicely put +it, I shall return with the spring. + + +_Calcutta, Nov. 21_. + +It is the witching hour of 10 a.m. and I am sitting in my little +ante-room--boudoir, call it what you will--immersed in correspondence, +Boggley, hard-worked man that he is, has departed for his office +followed by a _kitmutgar_ carrying some sandwiches and a bottle of +soda-water, which is his modest lunch. Really a Government servant's +life is no easy one. He is up every morning by six o'clock, and gets a +couple of hours' work done before breakfast. His office receives him +at ten and keeps him till four, when he comes home and has tea, after +which we ride or drive or play tennis somewhere. A look in at the Club +for a game of billiards, more work, dinner, and, if we are not going +to a dance or any frivolity, a quiet talk, a smoke, a few more +papers gone through, bed, and the long Indian day is over. All day +_chuprassis_, like attendant angels, flit in and out bearing piles of +documents marked Urgent, which they heap on his writing-table. I begin +greatly to dislike the sight of them. + +So you see I have of necessity many hours alone, at least I have some, +and I would have more if G. didn't live within a few minutes' walk, +and every morning, armed with a large green-lined parasol and +protected by her faithful topi, come round to pass the time of day +with me. Her sister, Mrs. Townley, is a very nice woman and kindness +itself to me. I can say, like the Psalmist, that goodness and mercy +follow me. I started from London knowing no one, yet in twenty-four +hours I was fast friends with G. and afterwards with quite a lot of +people on board. I thought when I landed in Calcutta I would be a +stranger in a strange land and have no one but Boggley, "instead of +which" I have G. quite near, and Mrs. Townley says I must come to them +any minute of the day I want to; and there are others equally kind. +You don't want me to give you a detailed account of Calcutta, do +you? It wouldn't interest you to read it, and it certainly wouldn't +interest me to write it. When my friends go wandering and write me +home long descriptions of the places of interest (falsely so called) +which they visit, I read them--oh! I read them faithfully--but I am +sadly bored. Somehow people interest me more than places. That being +so, I shall only inflict on you a little of Calcutta. I like it +immensely. They laugh at me for saying it is pretty, but I do think it +is quite beautiful. It is so much greener than I expected, and I like +the broad streets of pillared houses standing in their palm-shaded +compounds. The principal street is called Chowringhee, and it has some +fine buildings and really excellent shops, where one can buy quite as +pretty things as in London, only, of course, they are of necessity +more expensive; it costs a lot to bring them out. The Clubs are in +this street, the Bengal Club, and the United Service where my brother +would even now be leading a comfortable bachelor existence if he +hadn't had a bothering sister to provide a habitation for. + +Chowringhee faces the Maidan, a very large park containing among other +things a race-course, and cricket and football grounds. The word +Maidan is Arabic and Persian and Hindustani for an open space, and I +hope you like the superior way I explain things to you. You, who +can be silent in so many languages, will probably know what Maidan +means--but no matter. + +This, then, is the European Calcutta, clean and spacious and pleasant, +but not nearly so interesting as the native part. Turn down a side +street, walk a little way and you are in a nest of mean streets, +unpaved, dirty, smelling vilely, lined with open booths, where squat +half-naked men selling lumps of sticky sweetmeats and piles of things +that look like unbaked scones and other strange eatables; and little +naked babies tumble in the dust with goats and puppies. It seems to +me that I go about asking "Why?" all day and no one gives me a +satisfactory answer to anything. Why, for example, should we require a +troop of servants living, as we do, in a kind of hotel? And yet there +they are--Boggley's bearer and my _ayah_--I can see some reason for +their presence--a _kitmutgar_ to wait on us at table and bring tea in +the afternoon, another young assistant _kitmutgar_ who scurries like a +frightened rabbit at my approach, a delightful small boy who rejoices +in the name of _pani-wallah_, whose sole duty is to carry water for +the baths, the _dhobi_ who washes our clothes by beating them between +two large--and I should say, judging by the state of the clothes, +sharp--stones, losing most of them in the process, and a _syce_ or +groom for each pony. Seated, as one sometimes sees them, in rows on +the steps, augmented by a _chuprassi_ or two, brilliant in uniform +they make a sufficiently imposing spectacle. I have few words, but I +look at them in as pleasant a way as I know how, partly because I like +to be friends with servants, and partly because I'm rather afraid of +them and don't want to rouse them to Mutiny or do anything desperate, +but Boggley discouraged me at the outset. "You needn't grin at them +so affably," he remarked, "they will only think you are weak in the +head." They quite evidently regard me as a poor creature, even Bella, +though she humours me and condescends to say "pretty pretty," or +"nicey nicey" when I am dressed in the evening. I think she must once +have nursed children, for the words she knows are baby words; she +always calls me "poor Missy baba" and strokes me! The _pani-wallah_ +finds amusement in practising his English on me. When he sees G. come +through the compound, he bounds to my room, holds up the _chick_ and +announcing "Mees come," retires, stiff with pride at his knowledge of +the language. + +I have learned a few useful Hindustani words. _Qui hai_ means roughly, +"Is anyone there?" and you cry that instead of ringing a bell, and it +brings the instant response "_Huzoor_," and a servant springs from +nowhere to do your bidding. _Lao_ means "bring" and _jao_ "go." You +never say "please," and you learn the words in a cross tone--that is, +if you want to be really Anglo-Indian. Radical M.P.s of course will +learn "please" at once, if there is such a word in the language, +which I doubt. One nice globe-trotting old lady, anxious, like me, to +conciliate the natives, was having a cup of chocolate at Peliti's, and +she insisted on sending out to see if the _tikka-gharry wallah_ would +like a cup! + +A _tikka-gharry_ is a thing like a victoria, hired by the hour. There +are first, second, and third class _tikka-gharries_. The first class +have two horses, the second one horse, and the third is closed, and, +having no springs, is a terrible vehicle indeed. The drivers of these +carriages have, as a rule, long whiskers, and are dressed in khaki. +They have bags of provender for the horses tied behind the conveyance, +where also precariously hangs another man who might be the +twin-brother of the driver. I don't know why he is there, but there he +is. + +G. and I love to set out in a _tikka-gharry_ and practise our +Hindustani. Starting early when it is fairly cool--Indian cold weather +mornings are the most wonderful things, so fresh and so bright and so +blue--G. starts us off at a mad gallop by shouting _Juldi jao_, which +I have to calm down with _Asti asti_ (slower). When we reach Peliti's +we cry _Roko_ (stop), and get out to buy caramels, chocolates, and +cakes for tea. Peliti has a peculiarly delicious kind of chocolate +cake, the recipe for which I wish he would confide to Fuller or +Buszard. But it isn't the European shops, good as they are, that +occupy our mornings. Much more fascinating haunts await us, the New +Market and the China Bazaar. The former is a kind of arcade which +contains everything that any reasonable person could require; fragrant +fruit and flowers, fresh-smelling vegetables, and the wares of butcher +and baker and candlestick-maker, all laid out on booths and stalls for +the world to choose from. + +There, very early in the morning, come the _khansamahs_ of the +various Mem-sahibs and buy all that is needed for the day, while +the Mem-sahibs are cosy in bed, needing not to worry about house, +visitors, or forthcoming dinner-parties. Housekeeping is easy in +India. Boggley thought we had better ask some people to dinner, so we +did, though I pointed out that we had no silver or anything to make +the table decent; and the boarding-house things are none too dainty. +"It'll be all right," said Boggley, "leave it to the servants;" so I +engaged the private dining-room--and left it. I rather trembled when +the evening came and our party walked in, but I needn't have. The +servants were worthy of their trust. The table looked charming, and, +as I had never seen any of the things before, I had a more interesting +time than usually falls to the hostess. What I sincerely hoped was +that none of the guests had seen any of the things before either, but +if they had they possessed great control of their countenances. + +Eatables, however, are by no means the only things to be found in +the New Market. Silks, muslins, chicon-work, silver ornaments, +and jewellery keep us breathless, while the pleasant shopman in a +frock-coat and turban offers them at what he calls "killin'" prices. + +The China Bazaar is much farther into the city, quite in the native +quarter. It is a real adventure to make an expedition there, and the +owners allow us to poke in back rooms from which we unearth wondrous +treasures in the way of old brass vases; queer, slender-necked +scent-bottles still faintly smelling of roses; old lacquer boxes, and +bits of rich embroidery. I am becoming a Shylock in the way I beat +down prices. I shouldn't wonder a bit when I go home and am ruffling +it once more in Bond Street if, when told the price of a thing is a +guinea, I laugh in a jocular way and say, "Oh! come now, I'll give you +ten shillings." + +But to return to Hindustani. I haven't told you all I know. I can ask +for _tunda_ beef, which is cold beef, just as _tunda pani_ is cold +water, _gurrum pani_ being hot! I can order what I want at meals. At +first when I wanted boiled eggs and heard Boggley order _unda bile_, I +remonstrated, "Not under-boiled, hard-boiled," until it was explained +to me that _unda_ meant egg. The native can't say any word beginning +with s without putting a _y_ before it, thus--y-spice beef, y-street. +When men come to see us I cry, "_Qui hai?_" and, when the servant +appears, order "_Peg lao--cheroot lao_," and feel intensely +Anglo-Indian and rather fast. One trait the language has which appeals +greatly to me is that one can spell it almost any way one likes, but +that is enough about Hindustani for one letter. + + +_23rd_. + +I have come in from a ride with Boggley. The proper time to ride is +early morning, but I am too lazy and too timid to go when the place is +crowded, and so we ride in the cool of the evening, when we have the +race-course almost to ourselves. I ride one of Boggley's polo ponies, +Solomon by name. Boggley says he is as quiet as a lamb, but I am not +sure that he is speaking the strict truth; he has some nasty little +ways, it seems to me. He bites for one thing. We were riding with a +man the other night and quite suddenly his pony got up in the air and +nearly threw him. _Solomon had bitten him_. The man looked at me as +if it were my fault, and I regret to say I laughed. He has also an +ungentlemanly way of trying to rub me off against the railings, and +then again, for no apparent reason, he suddenly scurries wildly across +the Maidan while I pull desperately, but impotently, with fingers weak +from fright. Boggley coming behind convulsed with laughter, merely +remarks that I am a _funk-stick_--which, I take it, means the worst +kind of coward. + + +_29th_. + +Think where I have been for the last three days! + +Down the river in a launch. That kind Mrs. Townley was taking G. and +asked Boggley if I might go. We had to leave on Saturday morning +before seven to catch the tide, so I warned Bella that she must bring +my _chota-hazri_ before six; but I woke and found it was after six, +and there were no signs of the perfidious little black Bella. I wasn't +nearly ready when G. rushed in, but I threw on garments and we +fled, while Boggley, in his dressing-gown, followed with a parting +benediction of Peliti's cake as a substitute for tea and toast. We +found the launch delightfully comfortable, not to say luxurious. It +had been done up for some of the royalties who were out here. There +were only we three on board and three young sailor men, so it was a +blessedly peaceful three days. We lay on deck and watched the life +of the river, all the ships a-sailing, big ships from Dundee and +Greenock, German ships, French ships, every kind and nationality of +ships down to the curious native craft. Sometimes we passed a little +village on the river-bank with a temple and an idol on a mound. When +we anchored in the afternoon two of the officers went on shore to +shoot, and the sailors let down a net and caught delicious fish for +dinner. I did wish Peter had been there. He would have felt like +Robinson Crusoe and rejoiced in it all. At dinner the young men told +us wonderful stories of their adventures with snakes and tigers. One +man said that he was having his bath one morning when a snake came +up the pipe. When it saw him it went down again, but as it was +disappearing he pulled it back by its tail. Again it tried to go down +and again he pulled it back, and then the snake took a look at him and +went down tail first. + +I believed every word, but when I came home and related the amazing +tales to Boggley he received them with derisive shouts of laughter, +and said they had been spinning us sailors' yarns. + +The mail was waiting here when I came back yesterday. Thanks so much +for your letter. I am immensely interested in all your news, but I +have left myself no time to answer you properly, as this must be +posted to-day. + +_N.B_.--The two queerest things I have noticed in Calcutta up to now +are: + +(_a_) That when a man goes out to tennis and stays to dinner his +bearer carries his dress-clothes _wrapped in a towel_. + +(_b_) Kippered herrings come to the table _rolled up in paper_. + + +_Calcutta, Dec. 2_. + +I don't think I like this casting of bread upon the water; I never +know which loaf it is I am receiving again. You reply to things I had +forgotten I had written, and it is rather bewildering. + +When you get this you will be settled down in Germany. I am sorry you +have left London for one reason, and that a purely selfish one. I +shan't be able to imagine you in your new surroundings, and in London +I knew pretty well what you would be doing every minute of the day. +Knowing, as we do, many of the same people, when you wrote "I have +been dining with the Maxwell-Tempests to meet the So-and-sos," I could +picture it all even to little Mrs. Maxwell-Tempest's attitudes. I +was only in Germany once for three days, and I came away with an +impression of a country weird as to food, feathery as to beds, and +crammed full of soldiers; but I dare say it is a very good place to +write a book. And now--my heartiest congratulations on having a book +to write. It sounds--pardon me for saying it--a very dull subject, but +if I were a little wiser I expect I should see how important it +is, and anyway I have enough sense to perceive that it is a great +compliment to be asked to write it. What fun to be a man and have a +career! In my more exalted moments it is sometimes borne in on me that +I should have been a man and a diplomatist. I feel, though I admit +with no grounds to speak of, that I might have been a great success in +that most interesting profession. One never knows, and by putting my +foot in it very conscientiously all round, I might have earned for +myself a reputation of Machiavellian cunning! + +What do you think I met at dinner last night? A Travelling Radical +Member of Parliament! + +Of course I had read of them--often--and knew exactly what sort of +creatures they are--fearful wild fowl who come to India for six +weeks-- + + "Comprehend in half a mo' + What it takes a man ten years or so + To know that he will never know," + +tell the native they want to be a brother to him, and go home to write +a book about the way India is misgoverned. + +I was delighted at the prospect of seeing one quite close at hand. I +pictured a strong still man with a beard, soft fat hands, and a sob +in his voice that, at election times, would touch the great, deep +throbbing Heart of the People. Instead, I beheld a small, thin man, +with eyes as tired as any of the poor sun-dried bureaucrats, and a +wide mouth with a humorous twitch at the corners; a man one couldn't +imagine wanting to touch anything so silly as the Heart of the People. +He talked, I noticed, very little during dinner, but the men were +unusually long in joining us afterwards, and as Boggley clambered +after me into the _tikka-gharry_ that was to take us home: "That's a +ripping fellow!" said Boggley. + +Another illusion shattered! + +I hasten to set your mind at rest on one point. I have a chaperon, and +a very nice, though entirely unnecessary, one. Her name is Mrs. Victor +Ormonde, and she knows my people at home; that is why she bothers with +me. She is a most attractive woman to look at, tall, dark and slender, +with the dearest little turned-up nose, which makes her look rather +impertinent, and she is a little inclined to be sniffy to some people; +she considers Calcutta women suburban! Her husband is quite different, +friends with everyone, a cheerful soul and as Irish as he can be. He +is very fond of chaffing his exclusive wife. "Now do be affable," he +implored her the other night, before they went to a large and somewhat +mixed gathering. "And was she affable?" I asked next morning. "Oh! +rollin' about on the floor," was the obviously untrue reply. + +You ask how I like the Anglo-Indian women, and I don't know quite what +to say. It is the old story. When they are nice they are very, very +nice, but when they are nasty they are _horrid_. Some of them I simply +hate. They give me such nasty little stabs the while they smile and +pretend to be pleasant! + +I am quite capable of giving back as good as I get, but it isn't worth +while, because if one does yield to the temptation, afterwards one +feels such a worm. There is no doubt it is more difficult in India +than at home to obey the command of one's childhood: "to behave pretty +and be a lady." What is a lady exactly? I used to be told that a +lady was one who always said "please" when asking for more +bread-and-butter, and who never bit the fingers of her gloves. That +was simple. "And what'll I be if I'm not a lady?" I asked. "You'll be +common," said the nurse severely, and then and there, because snatched +bread-and-butter was sweet and gloves chewed in secret pleasant, I +registered a vow that common I would be. A dear little lady I met +the other day, talking about her sister Mem-sahibs, said airily, "Of +course we very soon lose complexions, manners, and morals." She could +afford to say so, it being so obviously untrue in her case. I think it +is just this, that the women who are pure gold grow more charming, but +the pinch-beck wears off very soon. The Eastern sun reveals blemishes, +moral and physical, that would pass unnoticed in the murkier +atmosphere of England. The wonder to me is that anyone keeps nice when +one thinks of the provocation there is to deteriorate. The climate, +the lack of any serious occupation to take up their days, the constant +round of gaieties indulged in partly, I believe, to keep themselves +from thinking, the ever-present anxiety about the children at +home--oh! there is much one could say if one held a brief for the +Anglo-Indian women. + +Calcutta society is made up of Government people, Army people, +and business people who are called, for some unknown reason, +_box-wallahs_. It seems very strange that there should be such a +desire to go one better than one's neighbour, to have better horses, a +smarter carriage, a larger house, smarter gowns, because, at least in +the case of the Civil Service people, their income is known down to +the last rupee. + +Everybody in India is, more or less, somebody. It must be a very sad +change to go home to England and be (comparatively) poor and shabby, +and certainly obscure, to have people remark vaguely they suppose +you are "something in India." I suppose we are all snobs at heart. +Snobbery, sir, doth walk about the orb like the sun, it shines +everywhere. A good lady talked to me quite seriously lately about what +the Best People in Calcutta did. It has become a light table joke with +us, and when I plant my elbows on the table and hum a tune while we +are waiting for the next course at dinner, Boggley mildly inquires, +"Do the Best People do that?" + +It is a subject I never gave much attention to, but now awful doubts +assail me. Am I the Best People? One thing is certain: I am of very +little importance. I am only a _chota_ Miss Sahib and my _chota_-ness +is my great protection. No one is going to bother much what I do, or +trouble to pull my clothes and my conduct to pieces, and I can creep +along unnoticed to a great extent; I watch the game and find it vastly +entertaining. + +It grieves me to say that I am one of the class who ought to remain +in England. There I am quite a nice person up to my lights, fairly +unselfish, loving my neighbour as myself. But I have proved myself +pinchbeck. No, you needn't say I'm sweet, I'm not. I find myself +saying the most detestable things about people. Oblivious of the beam +in my own eye, I stare fixedly and reprovingly at the mote in my +neighbour's. Could anything be more unlovable? + +I get no encouragement to be a cat from Boggley. Everyone is his very +good friend. + +"Mrs. Wright called to-day," I remark at tea. + +"Did she?" says Boggley. "She's a nice little woman; you'll like her." + +"She makes up," I say, "and she had on a most ridiculous hat. Mrs. +Brodie says she's a dreadful flirt." + +"Rubbish!" says Boggley; "she's a very good sort and devoted to her +husband." + +"Mrs. Brodie says," I continue, "that she is horrid to other women and +tries to take away their husbands. It _is_ odd how fond Anglo-Indian +women are of other people's husbands." + +"Much odder," Boggley retorts, "that you should have become such a +little backbiting cat! You'll soon be as bad as old Mother Brodie, and +_she's_ the worst in Calcutta." + +This is the Christmas mail, and I have written sixteen letters, but +I can't send presents except to Mother and some girls, for I haven't +seen a single thing suitable for a man. Poor Peter wailed for a monkey +or a mongoose, but I told him to wait till I came home and I would do +my best to bring one or both. + +I can only send you greetings from a far country. + +You know you will never be better than I wish you. + + +_Calcutta, Dec. 10_. + +Dear Mr. Oliver Twist,--I really don't think I can write longer +letters. They seem to me very long indeed. I am not ashamed of their +length, but I am ashamed, especially when I read yours, of their +dullness and of the poverty-stricken attempt at description. How is it +that you can make your little German town fascinating, when I can only +make this vast, stupefying India sound dull? It wouldn't sound dull if +I were telling you about it by word of mouth. I could make you see it +then; but what can a poor uninspired one do with a pen, some ink, and +a sheet of paper? + +I have been employing a shining hour by paying calls. You must know +that in India the new arrival does not sit and wait to be called +on, she up and calls first. It is quite simple. You call your +carriage--or, if you haven't aspired to a carriage, the humble, useful +_tikka-gharry_--and drive away to the first house on the list, where +you ask the _durwan_ at the gate for _bokkus_. If the lady is not +receiving, he brings out a wooden box with the inscription "Mrs. +What's-her-name Not at home," you drop in your cards, and drive on to +the next. If the box is not out, then the _durwan_, taking the cards, +goes in to ask if his mistress is receiving, and comes back with her +salaams, and that means that one has to go in for a few minutes, but +it doesn't often happen. The funny part of it is one may have hundreds +of people on one's visiting list and not know half of them by sight, +because of the convenient system of the "Not-at-home" box. + +The men's calling-time is Sunday between twelve and two. Such a +ridiculous time! One is certainly not at one's best at that hour. +Isn't it the Irish R.M. who talks of that blank time of day when +breakfast has died within one and lunch is not yet? I find it, on the +whole, entertaining, though somewhat trying; for Boggley, you see, has +to be out paying calls on his own account, and so I have to receive my +visitors alone. It is quite like a game. + +A servant comes in and presents me with a card inscribed with a name +unfamiliar, and I, saying something that sounds like "Salaam do," wait +breathless for what may appear. A man comes in. We converse. + +I begin: "Where will you sit?" (As there are only four chairs in the +room, the choice is not extensive.) + +THE MAN _(seated and twirling his hat)_: "You have just come out?" + +MYSELF: "Yes, in the _Scotia_." Remarks follow about the voyage. + +THE MAN: "What do you think of India?" + +MYSELF: "Oh, rather nice, don't you think?" + +THE MAN: "Oh, quite a decent place--what?" + +Again the servant appears, this time with two cards. Again I murmur +the Open Sesame, and two more men appear. No. 1 gets up to go, +shakes hands with me in a detached way, and departs, and the same +conversation begins again with the new-comers, until they, in their +turn, leave when someone else comes in. It seems to be etiquette to go +away whenever another visitor arrives. I didn't understand this, and +when a man came whom I knew well in my childhood's days and, after a +few minutes' stay, got up to depart, I grabbed his hand and said, "Oh, +won't you stay and have a talk?" He, very nicely, stayed on, and we +did have a delightful talk; but Victor Ormonde, who happened to be +present, has never ceased to chaff me about it. When we dine with +them and get up to go he says in thrilling accents, with an absurdly +sentimental air, "Oh! _won't_ you stay and have a talk?" + +I do think India makes very nice men. Almost every man I have met +has been delightful in his own way.... I had just written that last +sentence when a servant brought in a card inscribed "Colonel Simpson." +I got my sunshade and walked round to my sitting-room, where I found a +tall, pensive-looking man. Thinking he must be a friend of Boggley's, +I held out my hand frankly, and having shaken it, the man went on +holding it. + +Like Captain Hook, I murmured to myself, "This is unusual," but I +tried to conceal my astonishment, and we sat down together on the +sofa. Then he began to _feel my pulse_. By this time I had made up my +mind he must be a lunatic, and I had a wild idea of snatching away my +hand and making a bound for the window; but feeling that my legs were +too weak with fright to be of any real use to me, I remained seated. + +"Are you sick?" he asked. + +"Not in the least, thank you," I stammered. + +A doubtful look flickered over his pensive countenance. + +"Are you not my patient?" he asked. + +"No," I answered truthfully. + +"But--I was sent for to a Mrs. Woodward; this was the address, and I +was shown in here." + +He was so upset that I hastened to assure him it did not matter in the +least; that Mrs. Woodward lived above us, and it was quite, quite all +right. But my comforting protestations profited nothing, and the poor +man retired in great confusion, murmuring incoherently. If I had seen +"doctor" on his card I might have been prepared, but who would expect +a Colonel to be a doctor? This confusing India! + + +_Later_, + +This has been a queer day! Nothing but alarums and excursions. G. came +to tea and suggested that afterwards we should go for a drive in a +_tikka-gharry_, it being a more amusing mode of conveyance in G's eyes +than her sister's elegant carriage. So we drove up and down the Red +Road and along the Strand until the darkness came. It rained this +morning--the first rain I have seen in this dusty land--making the +roads quite muddy and the air damp and cold. + +"It's like an evening in England," said G. "Let's get out and walk +home." So we told the driver to _roko_, and G., who had the money to +pay him in her hand, got out first; at least I thought she was out, +but she had paused, balanced on the step, and my slight push knocked +her headlong. How she did it I don't know, but her feet remained in +the _gharry_, while her head was in close conjunction to the horses' +hoofs. I suppose astonishment at this feat must have numbed my finer +feelings, for G. insists I bounded over her prostrate form, grabbed +the money from her hand, and paid the man before I even inquired if +she were killed. When I had time to look at her I was glad it was +getting dark, and that we were in an unfrequented road. Her white +serge costume was mud from head to foot, her hat was squashed out of +shape, and even her poor face bore traces of contact with the Red +Road. At first she couldn't rise, not because she was hurt, but +because she was helpless with laughter. When I did get her on her +feet, I found the only injury was a slight cut on the wrist, and great +was my relief. + +It was a blessing that no native reporters were near, or to-morrow +morning we would see in large letters: SHOCKING AFFAIR IN THE RED +ROAD. ONE EUROPEAN LADY ATTACKS ANOTHER. + +My only fear was tetanus. We have been told such tales of a slight cut +causing death that I hurried G. along until we burst breathless into +a chemist's shop in Park Street and demanded "something to keep away +tetanus!" + +The chemist gave us some permanganate of potash, and for the last hour +I have been bathing the wrist, assisted by Bella, who has ruined two +of my best handkerchiefs in the process. The damaged G. has just +departed, and I do hope won't be much the worse. Such awful things +happen here. You meet people well and strong one day and hear of their +death the next. Death seems appallingly near. One isn't given time to +be ill. Either you are quite well or else you are dead. + +Now I must stop and go and dress, I see Bella fidgeting. When this +reaches you the Old Year will be very near its end. I hate to let +it go: it has been such a good old year. Is it that I forget the +unpleasant parts? Perhaps, but in looking back I seem to remember only +sunny days and pleasant things. + +To you, my friend, I send every possible good wish for the New Year. +May it be the best you have ever had. May it bring you health, wealth, +and, above all, happiness. + + "The world is so full of a number of things, + I am sure we should all be as happy as kings." + +Isn't that a lovable sentiment? + + +_Dec. 19_. + +I am trying to take an interest in Germany and the Germans for your +sake, but, as I told you before, Germany is a place I know little or +nothing about. France--that noble, fine land--I know and love well. +Italy I should like better if there were not so many Madonnas and +Children (or ought I to say Madonnas and Childs?) to look at; +Switzerland is my darling own place, but Germany I have hitherto only +associated with Goethe whom as a poet I dislike, large sausages, and +theological doubts. Your description makes me feel that I may have +misjudged the country and the people; in fact, your little town sounds +a most attractive place to live in. No, I don't think I would expect +you to make friends easily. I think you are the sort of man to have +hosts of acquaintances and only one or two real friends. You know, you +rather scare people. I think it is partly your manner and greatly your +monocle; you have such a detached air, and often I have noticed you +very unresponsive when people were trying to be amusing. Oh, I don't +mean you are ever rude, but you are sometimes chilling. If I hadn't +known from Boggley that you were, as he puts it, a perfect jewel, I +think I should have shrunk away from before you that first day we met +and sat next each other at lunch. I remember I talked a great deal of +nonsense, partly, I think, because I was rather afraid of you; and +somehow or other we have always gone on talking nonsense to each other +since. It has become a habit. + +But you don't really want to have a great crowd of friends, do you? It +is only weak-minded people like myself who flop on any stranger's neck +with protestations of undying affection. It is the easiest thing in +the world for any Douglas that ever was to make friends: I think +because we are always willing to laugh at the feeblest jest. Nothing +endears one so quickly to one's fellow-beings as laughing at their +jokes. We have a way, too, of making friends with any casual stranger +we may meet in trains, or coach, or steamer. You superior people, +who, ignoring your fellow-passengers, sit in a corner and read _The +Spectator_, don't know what you miss. The thrilling stories I have +listened to! Once I heard a circumstantial story of a wreck in the +South Seas told by the plucky little wife of the captain, who had +stayed by her husband's side--"Papa" she called him--while the ship +slowly sank on a coral reef, and then drifted about in an open boat +for days before they were rescued. + +It is Mother, however, who meets with the oddest adventures +travelling. One day last summer I saw her off in the Scotch Express +from Euston, comfortably seated in a corner with books and papers, +expecting she would have a nice quiet day. The occupant of the other +corner was a Russian lady, and the friend who saw her off asked Mother +if she would see she had lunch all right, for she knew no English. +This Mother readily promised, and the train started. Mother tried +once or twice to speak to the creature, but, receiving only grunts in +reply, began a book. She hadn't read the first chapter when the old +gentleman opposite said sternly, "Your friend is fainting," and +turning, Mother was just in time to catch the Russian as she slid +to the floor. She wrestled with her for an hour, reviving her with +smelling-salts, and making her comfortable with her air-cushion and +rug, distracted all the time by the yelling of young infants somewhere +near. As soon as she could leave her she went to see what was wrong, +and found twin-babies making day hideous with their din, while their +poor mother lay stretched on a seat, too ill to cope with them. + +She was a missionary's wife, it turned out, on her way home, with no +nurse and much malaria, so, of course, Mother had to stay and nurse +the twins until luncheon was ready, when another Good Samaritan came +and took a turn. While having luncheon she was hailed by a friend, +lately left a widow, who insisted on Mother accompanying her to her +compartment, where she wept on her shoulder while telling her all the +details of her husband's last illness; then back again to nurse the +Russian and the babies until the journey's end, when she emerged +almost as hot, and crumpled, and exhausted as if she had run behind +all the way. + +How heartily, my friend, I agree with you about the tiresomeness of +balls. I think it must be old age approaching, but I can't see any use +in going off at the hour when, under happier circumstances, I would +be thinking of bed, to a hot, crowded ballroom; and just at present +Calcutta is simply congested with balls. I don't like things that cost +a lot; simple little pleasures please me much more. To drive out to +Tollygunge of an afternoon, have tea and a game of croquet, look at +the picture papers, and come quietly home again, is to me the height +of bliss. + +Tollygunge is a club, some miles out of Calcutta, with a race-course, +golf-links, croquet-lawns--a very delectable spot. The correct thing +is to drive out on Sunday morning and have breakfast out in the open +air. Then one sees everyone one knows, and it is very gay; but I think +it is much pleasanter to drive out quietly in the afternoon. + +The road to Tollygunge lies partly through the jungle, past clusters +of native huts where little chocolate-coloured babies roll and chatter +in the sunlit dust. You know, the jungle is quite near Calcutta. +When I lie at nights and listen to the jackals howling, I remember +Kipling's story, and wonder if we were driven out and the jungle were +let in, how long it would be before Calcutta became a habitation for +the beasts of the field. + +Yesterday I drove out with Mrs. Townley and G., and three tired people +we were, too tired even to play the gentle game of croquet; glad to +sit still in comfortable chairs on the greensward and steep ourselves +in the peace and quietness. + +At tea, Chil the kite, hovering in mid-air, watched us jealously. +Suddenly there was a swoop, a dark flutter of wings, a startled squeak +from G., and our cake was gone. That's India! + +Tea finished, while we still sat loath to leave, a curious odour +forced itself upon our attention. G. sniffed. _I_ sniffed. "Whatever +is it?" asked G. Mrs. Townley pointed riverwards to where a thin +column of blue-grey smoke rose and hung like a cloud in the hot, still +air. + +"It's a burning ghat," she said. "They are burning a body." + +And _that_ is India! + +When one is feeling fairly peaceful and secure, something ghastly, +like the smell of burning Hindoo, recalls to one the uncertainty of +all things. We rose to go home, feeling depressed, the smell pursuing +us. + +I have two pieces of news for this letter. + +First, Boggley can take a few days' holiday at Christmas, so he means +to take me to Darjeeling to see if we can catch a glimpse of the +snows. We shall only be there from Saturday afternoon till Monday at +noon, and Boggley says that Kangchenjunga is often cloud-covered for +weeks, so it is a mere chance whether we shall see it. But surely, +surely Kangchenjunga won't be coy with me. I came to India, of course, +in the first place to see Boggley, but in the second place to see the +snows, and I can't believe that the gods will be so unkind as to deny +a humble worshipper of great mountains a sight of the vision glorious. + +The other piece of news is quite important. + +Boggley has got a new billet. What it is I shan't try to explain, +for I don't understand the game of General Post which is played so +frequently among Government officials, but it means that he will have +to go on a tour of inspection all over everywhere, and, what is more, +I shall go too. Isn't it fine? + +Boggley actually hesitated about accepting, because he thought I +should so hate to leave Calcutta and its gaieties to wander in the +jungle. It isn't that I don't enjoy Calcutta; I do, and I am most +grateful to the people who have given me such a good time; but I pine +to see something of the real India. Calcutta might be a suburb of +London. I want to see the native of India, not the fat babu; I want to +live in tents and be a gipsy; I want to have Boggley all to myself. We +have hardly time at present to pass the time of day with each other. + +Boggley tries to frighten me with tales of dâk-bungalows and jungly +cooking, but I won't be frightened; I am looking forward to it all too +much. + +We don't go till the beginning of January, so I shall be able to +attend the Drawing-Room and a few other _tamashas_ before we depart. + +This will have to do for a letter this week. I must clean some gloves +now. That is the only useful thing I do, clean G.'s gloves and my own. +We dirty so many pairs of long white gloves, and it is cheaper to +clean them at home. You do it with petrol and a small piece of +flannel, and the result isn't bad, though somewhat streaky. G's part +is to sit on my bed and watch me do it, assisted by Bella on the +floor. It reminds me of the inhabitants of the Scilly Islands, who, +it is said, earn a precarious livelihood by taking in each other's +washings! + + +_Calcutta, Dec. 26_. + +When Kipling wrote his _Christmas in India_ I think he must have been +in a dâk-bungalow down with fever, otherwise he would hardly have +painted such a very gloomy picture. I, at least, didn't find it a +mocking Christmas--but then India isn't my grim stepmother, as +Victor Ormonde pointed out to me the other night, I can afford to be +home-sick, can afford to let myself think of the "black dividing sea +and alien plain," because here I have no continuing city. It is the +real exiles, "shackled in a lifelong tether," who may not think, but +must go doggedly through their day's darg. + +I found it an agreeable day, from the morning when I got my presents +and various offerings of flowers, to the evening, when we dined with +some very kind people, and had an amusing time playing childish games. + +I have often seen pictures headed "Christmas in the Tropics," and +looked with sentimental eyes at the people grouped among palm-trees on +a verandah, while the girl at the piano sang what was evidently a song +about "the dear homeland," to judge from the far-away look in the eyes +of all present. It seems a pity to disillusion you, but it isn't at +all like that. To begin with, it was quite chilly, and we were very +glad of the big fire burning in the grate, and we did not look pensive +or far-away, but ate our dinner with great content. I think, perhaps, +Christmas fare is even more uninteresting in India than at home; +turkey tastes more like white flannel, and plum-pudding is stodgier, +and there are no white and scarlet berries or robins; but otherwise it +is really a nicer day than in England. + +Of course I thought a lot about the home people. I imagined Peter +waking and groping for his stocking. Oh, _have_ you forgotten what +it felt like to waken up and remember it was Christmas morning? I +sometimes wish I could still hang up my stocking. There is nothing in +Grown-up Land that equals the thrill the delicious bulginess of the +stocking, gripped in the darkness, gave one. + +I think they would miss me a little at home. I know Mother would often +say, "I wonder what Olivia is doing now!" + +And what kind of Christmas had you? A very festive one, I hope. + +Very many thanks for the book you sent me. You couldn't possibly have +given me anything I like better. Somehow, I have never possessed a +copy of _A Child's Garden of Verses_, and this one, so exquisitely, +specially bound, will be a great treasure. I like, too, your reason +for choosing it. It is nice of you to like my childish reminiscences, +but it is rash to say you wish you had known us then. Looking at us +now, so quiet, so well-behaved, _such_ ornaments to society, you would +be surprised what villains we once were--at least on week-days! We had +what R.L.S. calls a "covenanting childhood." Looking back, it seems +to me that our childhood was a queer mixture of Calvinism and fairy +tales. Calvinism, even now, I associate with ham and eggs--I suppose +because Sabbath morning was the only time we ever tasted that +delicacy. Between bustling Saturday night, when we wistfully watched +our toys being locked away, and cheery Monday morning, when things +began again, there was a great gulf fixed, and that was the Sabbath +Day. What strenuous Sabbath Days we had! First there was worship and +the Catechism. (The only time I ever wished to be English was when +I thought I might have dallied with "What is your name?" instead of +wrestling with such deep things as "What is man's chief end?") After +worship was over we were allowed to walk in the garden till it was +time for the morning service. That was the Forenoon Diet of Worship, +then came the Afternoon Diet of Worship. Having sat like rocks through +them both, we proceeded to the Sabbath School, and then went home to +tea, and cake, and jam, and an evening filled with bound volumes of +_The Christian Treasury_, where we wrestled with tales of religious +bigotry and persecution until we seemed to breathe the very atmosphere +of dark and mouldy cells; and became daringly familiar with the +thumb-screw and the rack, the Inquisition and other devildoms of +Spain. I used to wonder pitifully why it had never occurred to the +poor victims to say their prayers in bed, and thus save themselves +such fiery trials. + +I wonder why I pretend we found our Sundays a trial. Looking back, I +love every minute of them. Father could make any day delightful; and +what a through-the-week Father he was! Sometimes he came to tea with +us in the nursery and made believe there was a fairy called Annabel +Lee in the teapot, carrying on conversations with her that sent eerie +thrills down our several spines. Afterwards he would read out of a +little green and gold book that contained for us all the romance of +the ages between its elegant covers. From Father we heard of Angus the +Subtle, Morag of the Misty Way, and the King of Errin, who rides and +rides and whose road is to the End of Days. Sometimes, laying books +aside, he told us old tales that he had heard from his mother, who in +turn had heard them from hers--of the Red Etain of Ireland who lived +in Belligand, and who stole the King's daughter, the King of fair +Scotland; and the pathetic tale of the bannock that went to see the +world, with its cynical end: "Ah, well! We'll all be in the tod's hole +in less than a hunner years." + +It was Father who gave us first a love for books, and taught us the +magic of lovely words. And it was Father who tried to place our +stumbling little childish feet in the Narrow Way, and to turn our eyes +ever towards a better country--"that is an heavenly!" I suppose it +was the dimly-understood talk of the better country that gave John and +me the idea of our Kingdom. + +It was a great secret once, but now I may tell without breaking faith. +Boggley and the Bird were prosaic people, caring more for bird-nesting +and Red Indian hunting than games of make-believe, so they never knew. +It was part of the sunny old garden, our Kingdom, and was called +Nontland because it was ruled by one Nont. He had once been a common +ninepin, but having had a hole bored through his middle with a red-hot +wire he became possessed of a mystic power and personality. Even +we--his creators, so to speak--stood somewhat in awe of him. + +The River Beulah flowed through Nontland, and it was bounded on the +north by the Celestial Mountains; on the south by the red brick wall, +where the big pears grew; on the west by the Rose of Sharon tree; and +on the east by the pig-sty. That last sounds something of a descent, +but it wasn't really a pig-sty, and I can't think why it was called +so, for, to my knowledge, it had never harboured anything but two +innocent white Russian rabbits with pink eyes. It was situated at the +foot of the kitchen-garden, next door to the hen-houses; the roof, +made of pavement flags, was easy to climb, and, sloping as it did to +the top of the wall overlooking the high-road, was greatly prized by +us as a watch-tower from which we could see the world go by. + +To get into our Kingdom we knocked at the Wicket Gate, murmuring as we +did so: + + "El Dorado + Yo he trovado," + +and it opened--with a push. We hadn't an idea then, nor have I now, +what the words meant. We got them out of a book called _The Spanish +Brothers_, and thought them splendidly mysterious. + +Besides ourselves, and Nont, and the Russian rabbits, there was only +one other denizen of our Kingdom--a turkey with a broken leg, a +lonely, lovable fowl which John, out of pity, raised to the peerage +and the office of Prime Minister. I have a vivid recollection of +riding in hot haste on a rake to tell the King--not in proper fairy +fashion that the skies were fallen, but that Lord Turkey of Henhouse +was dead. + +John, I remember, always carried some fern seed in his trouser-pocket. +He said it made him invisible--a delusion I loyally supported. It +seems to me the sun always shone in those days, the time was ever +three o'clock in the afternoon, and faery lay just adown the road! + +It has just occurred to me, and it is an awesome thought, that you +must converse every day, and all day, in the German language. I +believe I have forgotten all I ever knew of German, though it isn't so +very long ago since I wrestled in tears and confused darkness of mind +with that uncouth tongue. Don't forget your native tongue, and +don't dare write me a letter in German, or, like the Editor of _The +Spectator_, I shall say, "This correspondence must now cease!" + +Since last I wrote life has been one long changing of garments and +moving from one show to another. Tuesday was Viceroy's Cup Day at the +races, a very pretty sight. One side of the ground was crowded by +pretty women in lovely gowns, and on the other side the natives sat in +their hundreds and chattered, not the drab-coloured crowd we produce, +but gay and striking as a bed of tulips. + +There are three stands--one for the members of the Turf Club, one for +the ordinary public, and one for the natives who can afford a seat. +The members of the Turf Club may be said to be the sheep; the others +the goats. It is more comfortable in every way to be a sheep. You get +a better seat and a comfortable tea in an enclosure, with the sight +of the goats scrambling wildly for a little refreshment to keep you +thankful, for in the heat and dust and glare even a sheep is apt to +lose sight of its mercies. I thought G. was the prettiest girl there. +She is always such a refreshing sight, pink and white and golden like +a morning in May, and tall--"like a king's own daughter." + +I was with the Ormondes and, of course, Boggley. Mrs. Ormonde is so +charming, she is a great favourite with men, and is always surrounded +when she goes anywhere by about half a dozen eager for her smiles. She +has the quaintest way of handing her surplus cavaliers on to me, but I +really much prefer Victor and Boggley as companions. They don't need +to be amused like other men, and are always good-natured and funny. + +I am feeling a little pale with all the excitement, and shall be glad +of the change to Darjeeling to-morrow. Next mail you shall hear all +about it--that is to say, if no person, seditiously inclined, derails +the train or does anything horrid. Some very dreadful things have been +happening lately, but I don't think there is much danger so long as we +keep far from the vicinity of dignitaries. + + +_Calcutta, New Year's Day_. + +Wednesday already, the mail goes to-morrow, and I with so much to +write about. + +To begin--we left Calcutta on Friday afternoon and got to the Ganges +about eight, when we embarked in a ferry-boat to cross the river. +It was quite a big steamer, with dinner-tables laid out on deck, +decorated for Christmas with palm-branches, Chinese lanterns, and +large, deadly-looking iced cakes. + +On the other side, the train was waiting that was to take us to +Siliguri, and we lost no time in looking for places. Indian trains are +rather different from our trains. Each carriage has two broad seats +running lengthways, which pull out for sleeping berths, and two other +berths that let down from the roof. I found I had to share a carriage +with two other females, and an upper berth fell to my share. + +The bearer arranged my bed, and Boggley took a glance round, asked if +I were all right, and departed to his own place. Isn't it a queer idea +to carry one's bedding about with one? Pillows, blankets, and a quilt, +all done up in a canvas hold-all, accompany people wherever they +travel--in trains, hotels, even when staying with friends. + +Well, there was I shut up for the night with two strange women, mother +and daughter evidently, American certainly; and the horror of an upper +berth staring me in the face! It is quite an experience to sleep in +the upper berth of an Indian train. To begin with, it takes an acrobat +of no mean order to reach it at all, and once you are in your nose +almost touches the roof of the carriage. As I climbed to my lofty +perch one of the American ladies remarked, "I guess, child, you ain't +going to have the time of your life up there to-night." And I hadn't. +Every time the train gave a jolt--which it did every few seconds--I +clung wildly to the straps to keep myself from descending suddenly and +violently to the floor; and in less than an hour every bone in my body +was crying out against the inhuman hardness of my couch. In spite +of everything, I fell asleep, and awoke feeling colder than I ever +remember feeling before. I started up, banging my head on the roof as +I did so, to find that the carriage door was swinging wide open. What +was to be done? I carefully felt the bumps beginning to rise on my +forehead, and considered. It was, humanly speaking, impossible that +I could descend and shut that door, and yet, could I endure lying +inadequately covered and exposed to all the winds of heaven? There +remained my fellow-travellers--they at least were on the first floor, +so to speak; but as I wavered a striking apparition rose, stalked down +the carriage, and, leaning far out into the night, seized the door and +shut it with a bang. Then arose a shrill protest from beneath me: "Oh, +Mommer, how could you be so careless! You might have fallen out, and I +should have been left quite alone in this awful heathen country!" + +After that there was no more sleep, and when daylight came filtering +through the shutters I slid warily to the floor, and having washed +and dressed, sat on my dressing-bag and conversed amiably with the +Americans. I found them charming and most entertaining, simple, quiet +people; not the shrill-voiced tourist _jât_ at all. They had been +travelling, so they told me, with a sort of dreary satisfaction, for +two years, and they had still about a year to do. It sounded like hard +labour! The poor dears! I can't think why they did it. They would have +been so much happier at home in their own little corner of the world. +I can picture them attending sewing bees, and other quaint things +people do attend in old-fashioned New England storybooks. They had a +servant with them whom they addressed as Ali, a bearded rascal who +evidently cheated them at every turn, and who actually came into their +presence with his shoes on! + +I didn't know till I met these Americans that I was such a wit--or +perhaps wag is a better word. I didn't try to be funny, I didn't even +know I was being funny, but every word I said convulsed them. + +The "Mommer" said to me: + +"Child, are you married?" + +"No," I said, surprised. "Why?" + +"I was just thinking what a good time your husband must have!" + +When we reached Siliguri I was surprised to find everything glistening +with frost, and the few natives who were about had their heads wrapped +up in shawls as if they were suffering from toothache. We got some +breakfast in the waiting-room, and then took our places in the +funniest little toy train. This is the Darjeeling-Himalaya Railway. It +was all very primitive. A man banged with a stick on a piece of metal +by way of a starting-bell, and we set off on our journey to cloudland. + +Eagerly looked for, Darjeeling came at last, but alack! no mountains, +only piled-up banks of white clouds. It was bitterly cold, and we were +glad to get out and stamp up to the hotel, where we found great fires +burning in our rooms. + +There wasn't much to do in the hotel beyond reading back numbers of +_The Lady's Pictorial_, and I went to bed on Saturday night rather low +in my mind, fearing, after all, I was not to be accounted worthy to +behold the mountains. + +Some of the people in the hotel were getting up at 3.30 to go to Tiger +Hill to see the sun rise on Everest. Boggley, the lazy one, wouldn't +hear of going, and when I awoke in the grey dawning stiff with cold, +in spite of a fire and heaps of blankets and rugs, I felt thankful +that I hadn't a strenuous brother. If it had been John, I dare not +think where he would have made me accompany him to in his efforts to +get as near as possible to his beloved mountains. Never shall I forget +the first time he took me to Switzerland to climb. I had never climbed +before--unless you call scrambling on the hills at home climbing--and +I was all eagerness to try till John gave me Whymper's book on Zermatt +to amuse me in the train, and I read of the first ascent of the +Matterhorn and its tragic sequel. It had the effect of reducing me +to a state of abject terror. All through that journey, from Paris to +Lausanne, from Lausanne to Visp, from Visp to Zermatt, horror of the +Matterhorn hung over me like a pall. I even found something sinister +in little Zermatt when we got there--Zermatt that now I love so, with +the rushing, icy river, the cheerful smell of wood smoke, the goats +that in the early morning wake one with the tinkle-tinkle of the bells +through the street, and the quiet-eyed guides that sit on the wall in +the twilight and smoke the pipe of peace. + +After dinner, that first night, we walked through the village and +along the winding path that leads up to the Schwarzsee, and gazed at +the mighty peak, so wild, so savage in the pale purple light that +follows the sunset glow--gazed at it in silence, John wrapped in +adoration, I thinking of the men who had gone up this road to their +death. + +"Yes," said John, as we turned back, "some very scared men have come +down this road." + +If he had known what an exceedingly scared girl was at his side he +wouldn't, I think, have chosen that moment to turn into the little +graveyard that surrounds the village chapel, to look at the graves +of the victims--the graves of Croz the guide, of Hudson, and the boy +Hadow. The text on one stone caught my eye--"_Be ye therefore also +ready..._" It was too much; I fled back to the hotel, locked the door +of my room, shuttered the windows so that I should not see the vestige +of a mountain--and wept. + +It is odd to think how I hated it all that night, how to myself +I maligned all climbers, calling them in my haste +foolhardy--senseless--imbecile, when I had only to go up my first easy +mountain to become as keen as the worst--or the best. + +Sometimes in those mountaineering excursions with John to Zermatt, +to Chamonix, to Grindelwald, I have found it in my heart to envy the +unaspiring people who spend long days pottering about on level ground. +But looking back it isn't the quiet, lazy days one likes to think +about. No--rather it is the mornings when one rose at 2 a.m. and, +thrusting aching feet into nailed boots, tiptoed noisily into the +deserted dining-room to be supplied with coffee and rolls by a +pitifully sleepy waiter. + +Outside the guides wait, Joseph and Aloys, and away we tramp in single +file along the little path that runs through fields full of wild +flowers, drenched with dew, into a fairy-tale wood of tall, straight +pine-trees. We follow the steady, slow footsteps of Joseph, the chief +guide, up the winding path that turns and twists, and turns again, but +rises, always rises, until we are clear of the wood, past the rough, +stony ground, and on to the snow, firm and hard to the feet before the +sun has melted the night's frost. When we reach the rocks, and before +we rope, Aloys removes his rücksack and proceeds to lay out our +luncheon; for if one breakfasts at two one is ready for the next meal +at nine. Crouched in strange attitudes, we munch cold chicken, rolls +and hard-boiled eggs, sweet biscuits and apples, with great content. +Joseph has buried a bottle of white wine in the snow, and now pours +some into a horn tumbler, which he hands to Mademoiselle with an +air--a draught of nectar. It is John's turn for the tumbler next, and +as he emerges from the long, ice-cold, satisfying drink he declares +his firm intention, his unalterable resolve, never to drink anything +but white wine again in this world. But doubtless as you know, the +white wine of the Lowlands is not the white wine of the mountains. +It needs to be buried in the snow by Joseph, and drunk out of a horn +tumbler, at the foot of an aiguille, after a six hours' climb, to be +at its best. After refreshment comes the hard work. To look at the +face of the rock up which Joseph has swarmed; to say hopelessly, "I +can't do it, I can't," and then gradually to find here a niche for one +hand, here a foothold; to learn to cling to the rock, to use every bit +of oneself, to work one's way up delicately as a cat so as not to send +loose stones down on the climber below, until, panting, one lands +on the ledge appointed by Joseph, there to rest while the next man +climbs, it is the best of sports. And at the top to stand in the +"stainless eminence of air," to look down eight--ten--a thousand feet +to the toy village at the foot while John names all the other angel +peaks that soar round us, tell me, you who are also a climber, is it +not very good? + +But the coming down! Stumbling wearily down the steep paths of the +pine-woods with the skin rubbed off one's toes, and giving at the +knees like an old and feeble horse, that is not so good. And yet--I +don't know. For as we near the valley, puffs of hot, scented air come +up to meet us, the tinkle of the cow-bell greets our ears, and we +realize that it is only given to those who have braved the perils, who +have searched for the deep things of the ancient mountains and found +out the precious things of the lasting hills, to thoroughly appreciate +the pleasant, homely quietness of the meadow-lands. + +But I have wandered miles away from Sunday morning in Darjeeling. + +It was still misty when we went out after breakfast, but not so +solidly misty, so Boggley held out hopes it would clear. + +Darjeeling is a pretty place tucked into the mountain-side. In the +middle is the bazaar, and it happened to be market day, which made it +more interesting. The village street was lined on both sides with open +booths, some piled with fruit and vegetables, others, oddly enough, +with lamps and mirrors and other cheap rubbish which bore the legend +"Made in Germany," others with all sorts of curios. The place was +thronged with people. A few plainsmen and Tibetans Boggley pointed +out, but most of the crowd were hill-people, jolly little squat +men and women hung with silver chains and heavy ear-rings set with +turquoises. Their eyes are very black and all puckered with laughing, +and they have actually rosy cheeks. + +They crowded round, trying to sell us curios and lumps of rough +turquoise. When we asked the price of anything, they replied promptly, +"Twenty rupees." We would offer two rupees, and, after a few minutes' +bargaining, they took it quite cheerfully, the thing probably not +being worth eight annas. I bought a prayer-wheel. It is a round silver +thing with a handle rather like a child's rattle, and inside are slips +of paper covered with writing. These are the prayers, and at intervals +you twirl the wheel round, and the oftener you turn it the more devout +you are. + +I also purchased some lumps of rough turquoise, though Boggley said +they were not a good blue,--too pale,--and was tying them up in my +handkerchief when Boggley gripped my arm. "Look!" he said. I looked +straight across the valley, "Higher," said Boggley, and I lifted +my eyes literally to the skies; and +there--"suddenly--behold--beyond"--were the everlasting snows. + +All day they stayed with us, and as the sun was setting we climbed to +a point of vantage to see the last of them. It has been said they are +a snow-white wall barring the whole horizon. They are like a city +carved by giants out of eternal ice, a city which lieth four-square. +We watched while peak after peak faded into cold greyness; until +Kangchenjunga towered, alone, rose-red into the heavens, sublime in +its "valorous isolation." Then the light left it too, and we turned +and came down from the Hill of God. + +We left for Calcutta at noon on Monday, and I had a thoroughly +over-eaten, uncomfortable day, all owing to Boggley's forethought. +He said as we began breakfast about nine o'clock: "Now eat a good +breakfast, for we shall have to leave before lunch, and no man knows +when we shall get another meal." + +It seemed good common-sense, so I ate an egg and two pieces of toast +after I had really finished. That was all very well, but the hotel +people thoughtfully provided us with a substantial luncheon before we +left. Even then Boggley kept on looking to the future. + +"Oh, tuck in," he said. "We shan't get anything more till eight +o'clock." + +I didn't feel as if I wanted anything ever again, but I hurriedly +gobbled some food, and we raced to the station, then sat in the train +half an hour before it started. + +At the first station we stopped at, the bearer appeared at +the carriage window with a breakfast cup of tea and a large +"y-sponge-cake," ferreted from no man knows where. He was so pleased +with himself that I hadn't the heart to refuse it--so there were three +meals that ought to have been spread over the greater part of the day +crowded into one morning. I sympathized with the vulture, who + + "Eats between his meals, + And that's the reason why + He very, very rarely feels + As well as you and I." + +It is never pleasant to come down from the heights, and we had rather +a dreary journey to Siliguri. + +Boggley had taken care to wire for a lower berth in the train for me, +but it seems ordained that I shall ascend in Indian trains. I again +found myself in a carriage with my Americans, and the daughter had +such bad toothache, and seemed so much to dread the prospect of +mounting to the eyrie, that I had to say that I would rather like it +for myself. + +Toothache kept Miss America awake and made her talkative, which was +unfortunate for me. She wanted to know all about the manners and +customs of the British. She only knew us from the outside, so to +speak. Incidentally she shed a lurid light on the habits of the +American male. It seems that young men in America are expected to +carry offerings of fruit and flowers and candy to young women--not +when they are engaged, mark you; what is expected of them then I +daren't think--but to quite irrelevant young women. "Don't young +gentlemen do so in England?" asked Miss America. "No," I said, feeling +that I was making out my countrymen poor, mean creatures indeed, but +feeling also how much more complicated life would become for these +"gentlemen of England now abed" if they had to carry crates of +oranges, drums of figs, and pounds of candies to every casual young +woman whose acquaintance they enjoyed. + +"You don't say!" said Miss America. "And don't they take you out +driving in their buggies?" + +"_Never_," I replied firmly. "They haven't got them." + +"You don't say! And how does a young gentleman show he admires you?" + +"Well, he doesn't as a rule," I murmured feebly. + +"I guess," she said, "we manage things better in America." And, +indeed, perhaps they do. + +This conversation so exhausted us that we fell very sound asleep, and +knew nothing till we arrived at the station where we had to get out +and change into the ferry-boat. Then there was a terrible scurry. The +servants waiting to pack up the bedding and strap bags--they said they +had wakened us at the previous station, but they must have wakened +someone else instead--while we threw on various articles of clothing, +stuck hats on undone hair, and feet into unlaced shoes, all the while, +like a Greek chorus, the "Mommer" moaning reproachfully, "Oh, Ali, you +might have woke us," while outside on the platform bounded the irate +Boggley speaking wingéd words. + +We did get on to the boat, so after all there was no harm done. + +I was quite sorry to part with my Americans when we reached Calcutta. +They and their Ali were going on to Benares that night, tired and +spiritless. They shook us both violently by the hand, vowing we were +just "lovely people" and that I was a "real little John Bull!" + +The home mail was waiting us when we got back, and I read my letters, +slept for an hour or two, and then got up and went to a big New Year's +dinner-party, where we had fireworks in our crackers, and sang what G. +calls "Oldlangzine." + +Thanks so much for your delightfully long letter. + +My wrist aches so I can't write another word. + + +_Calcutta, Jan. 8_. + +One more week and we start for the Mofussil and the Simple Life. The +Mofussil, I may remark in passing, is not, as at first I thought, some +sort of prophet, but means simply the country districts. + +I have been standing over Bella while she laid out all my dresses, +telling her which are to be packed carefully and left in Calcutta, and +which are to accompany me. I don't want to take any more luggage than +I can help; as it is, I foresee we shall have a mountain. Boggley has +been begging everyone for the loan of books, as he does not see how +I am to be kept in reading matter when there are no libraries within +reach. He accuses me of being capable of finishing two fat volumes in +a day, but I shan't have time to read much if I carry out my great +project. _I am going to write a book_. You are surprised? But why? +Other members of the family can write, why not I? I read in a review +lately that John has great distinction of style, so perhaps I have +too. Anyway, I have bought a pile of essay-paper and sixpenny-worth of +J nibs, and I mean to find out. It is to be a book about the Mutiny, +the information to be derived from Trevelyan's book on Cawnpore. There +is room, don't you think, for a really good book on the Mutiny? + +Last night the Drawing-Room was held by the Vicereine, a function that +everyone, more or less, is expected to attend. I went with G. and her +sister (one needn't go with the lady who presents one), and found it +most entertaining. Not being the wives or daughters of Members of +Council or anything _burra_, we hadn't the private entrée, and had to +wait our turn in pens, like dumb driven cattle. + +It is a much simpler affair than a presentation at home; one need not +even wear veils and feathers, and the trains of our white satin gowns +were modest as to length. It was silly to be nervous about such a +little thing, but I quite shook with terror. I think it was the being +passed along by A.D.C.'s that unnerved me, but when I reached the last +and heard "To be presented," and my name shouted out, I stotted +(do you know the Scots word to stot? It means to walk blindly--to +stumble--that and much more; oh! a very expressive word) over a length +of red carpet that seemed to stretch for miles, feeling exactly as a +Dutch wooden doll looks; saw, as in a glass darkly, familiar faces +that smiled jeeringly, or encouragingly, I could not be sure which; +ducked feebly and uncertainly before the two centre figures; and, +gasping relief, found myself going out of the doorway walking on G.'s +train. + +Afterwards, when we were all gathered upstairs, the many pretty gowns +and uniforms made a gay sight. I saw the dearest little Maharanee +blazing in magnificent jewels and looking so scared, and shy, and +sweet. There was a supper-room, and lots to eat if one could have got +at it, or had had room to eat it after it had been got. I don't like +champagne--"simpkin" they call it here--much to drink, but I like it +less when it is shot down my back by a careless man. + +There is a fancy-dress ball to-night at Government House, and that is +the last of my dissipations for some time to come. + +I go on writing, writing all the time about my own affairs and never +even mention your letters, and nothing makes me so cross as to have +people do that to me. I like my friends to make interested comments on +everything I tell them. + +I am glad you are so happy in your work and enjoy life. Is the book +nearly finished yet? It is nice that you have found such charming +friends. Is the Fräulein person you talk about pretty? I can imagine +how you enjoy hearing her play and singing to her accompaniment. I +always think of you when I hear good music, and of your face when I +told you that the only music I really liked was Scots songs played +on the pianola! But you know that is really true. I simply hate good +music. + +Once, in Paris, I went with some people to hear _Samson et Delilah_, +and while everyone sat rapt, enchanted by the sweet sounds, I waited +with what patience I could till the stage temple fell, in the vain +hope that some part would hit the tenor. What would your Fräulein say +to such blasphemy? + +Forgive me maligning the gods of your idolatry. I think I had better +finish this letter before I go on from bad to worse, because I am in +an unaccountably perverse and impertinent frame of mind to-day, and +there is no saying what I shall say next. + + +_Calcutta, Jan. 8_. + +Such a scene of confusion! Everything I possess is lying on the floor. +All the things I have accumulated on my way out and since I came to +Calcutta lie in one heap waiting to be packed; shoes, dresses, hats, +books, photographs are scattered madly about, and in the middle, +almost reduced to idiocy, and making no effort to reduce chaos to +order, sits Bella. I can't help her, for I must get my home letters +written and posted before we leave Calcutta, for before I reach my +first halting-place the mail will be gone. + +Boggley has been in the Mofussil for three days, and I have been +staying with the Townleys. I came back last night. It was nice being +with G. again, and her sister is extraordinarily kind. We had rather +an interesting day on Friday. I have always been asking where are the +Missionaries, but I suppose I must have asked the wrong people, for +they didn't seem to know. However, the other day I met a lady,--Mrs. +Gardner,--the wife of a missionary, who asked us to go to lunch with +her, and promised she would show us something of the work among the +women. So on Friday we set off in a _tikka-gharry_. + +We left the Calcutta we knew--the European shops, the big, cool +houses, the Maidan--and drove through native streets, airless, +treeless, drab-coloured places, until we despaired of ever reaching +anywhere. When at last our man did stop, we found Mrs. Gardner's cool, +English-looking drawing-room a welcome refuge from the glare and the +dust; and she was kindness itself. She made a delightful cicerone, for +she has a keen sense of humour and a wide knowledge of native life. + +We went first to see the girls' school--a quaint sight. All the funny +little women with their hair well oiled and plastered down, with iron +bangles on their wrists to show that they were married, wrapped in +their _saris_, so demurely chanting their lessons! When we went in +they all stood up and, touching their foreheads, said in a queer +sing-song drawl, "Salaam, Mees Sahib, salaam!" The teachers were +native Bible-women. The schoolrooms opened on to a court with a well +like a village pump in the middle. One small girl was brought out to +tell us the story of the Prodigal Son in Bengali, which she did at +great length with dramatic gestures; but our attention was somewhat +diverted from her by a small boy who ran in from the street, hot and +dusty, sluiced himself unconcernedly all over at the pump, and raced +out again dripping. It did look so inviting. + +When we left the school Mrs. Gardner said she would take us to see +some _purdah nashin_ women--that is, women who never go out with their +faces uncovered, and who never see any men but their own husbands. + +I don't quite know what we expected to see--something very Oriental +and luxurious anyhow; marble halls and women with veils and scarlet +satin trousers dotted about on cushions--and the reality was +disappointing. No marble halls, no divans and richly carved tables, +no hookahs and languid odours of rich perfumes, but a room with cheap +modern furniture, china ornaments, and a round table in the middle +of the floor, for all the world like the best parlour of the working +classes. Two women lived there with their husbands and families, and +they came in and looked G. and me all over, fingered our dresses, +examined our hats, and then asked why we weren't married! I could see +they didn't like the look of us at all. They said we were like the +dolls their little girls got at the fęte, and produced two glassy-eyed +atrocities with flaxen hair and vivid pink cheeks, and asked if we saw +the resemblance. We didn't. They told Mrs. Gardner--who has been +many years in India, and looks it--that they thought she was much +nicer-looking than we were, her face was all one colour! (They spoke, +of course, in Bengali, but Mrs. Gardner translated.) Poor women! what +a pitifully dull life is theirs! G. was disappointed to hear they +hadn't become Christians. She had an idea that the Missionary had only +to appear with the Gospel story and the deed was done. I'm afraid it +isn't as easy as that by a long way. + +Mrs. Gardner read a chapter from the Bible while we were there, and +these women argued with her most intelligently. They are by no means +stupid. Before we left G. sang to them, with no accompaniment but a +cold stare. When she finished they said they preferred Bengali music, +it had more tune. We left, feeling we had been no success. + +Having seen a comparatively well-to-do household, Mrs. Gardner said +she would show us a really poor one. We followed her through a network +of lanes more evil-smelling than anything I ever imagined--London +can't compete with Calcutta in the way of odours--until we reached a +little hovel with nothing in it but a string-bed, a few cooking-pots, +and two women. Caste, it seems, has nothing to do with money, and +these women, though as poor as it is possible to be, were thrice-born +Brahmins, and received us with the most gracious, charming manners, +inviting us to sit on the string-bed while they stood before us with +meekly folded hands. The dim interior of the hut with its sun-bleached +mud floor, the two gentle brown-eyed women with their _saris_ and +silver anklets, looking wonderingly at G. in her white dress sitting +enthroned, with her blue eyes shining and her hair a halo, made an +unforgettable picture of the East and the West. + +We had tea at the Mission House and met several missionary ladies who +told us much that was interesting about their work, which they seem to +love whole-heartedly. I asked one girl how it compared with work among +the poor at home, and she said, "Well, perhaps it is the sunshine, but +here it is never sordid." I can't agree. To me the eternal sunshine +makes it worse. At home, although the poverty and misery are terrible, +still, I comfort myself, the poor have their cosy moments. In winter +sometimes, when funds run to a decent fire and a kippered herring +to make a savoury smell, a brown teapot on the hob and the children +gathered in, they are as happy as possible for the time being; I have +seen them. I can't imagine any brightness in the lives of the women we +saw. + +To be a missionary in Calcutta, I think one would require to have an +acute sense of humour and no sense of smell. Am I flippant? I don't +mean to be, because I feel I can't sufficiently admire the men and +women who are bearing the heat and burden of the day. And now that +sounds patronizing, and Heaven knows I don't mean to be that. + +Anyway, G. and I were never intended to be missionaries. We drove +home very silent, in the only vehicle procurable, a third-class +_tikka-gharry_, feeling as if all the varied smells of the East were +lying heavy on our chests. Once G. said gloomily, "How long does +typhoid fever take to come out?" which made me laugh weakly most of +the way home. + + +_13th_. + +The day of our departure has come, and Boggley is behaving dreadfully. +Having taken time by the forelock, I am packed and ready, but Boggley +has done nothing. He remarked airily that I must go to the Stores and +get some sheets, a new mosquito-net, and a supply of pots and pans, +and then went off to lunch with someone at the Club, leaving me +speechless with rage. How can I possibly know what sort of pots and +pans are wanted? I never camped out before. I shall calmly finish this +letter and pay no attention to his order. + +We had a farewell dinner last night, the Ormondes and one or two +others. We came into this dismantled room afterwards and talked till +midnight, and amused ourselves vastly. I happened to say that I was +rather scared at the thought of the wild beasts I might encounter, +probably under my camp-bed, in the jungle; so a man, Captain Rawson, +drew out a table for me to take with me into camp. One heave and a +wriggle means a boa-constrictor, two heaves and a growl a tiger--and +so on. So you can imagine me in a tent, in the dead of night, sitting +up, anxiously striking matches and consulting my table as to what is +attacking me. + +Mrs. Ormonde, who is so nervous that if a cracker goes off in her +hearing she thinks it is another Mutiny, is anxious that we should +take guns with us into the Mofussil in case we are attacked. Picture +to yourself Boggley and me setting out "with a little hoard of +Maxims." Armed, I should be a menace alike to friend and foe! + +My first stopping-place is Takai. Boggley is going to some very +far-away place where it wouldn't be convenient to take a female, so +when Dr. and Mrs. Russel asked me to come to them while he is there +I very gladly accepted the invitation. Dr. Russel is a medical +missionary. I don't know him, but his wife, a very clever, interesting +woman, I met when she was last home, and she told me about her home in +the jungle until I longed to see it. Boggley will come for me in about +ten days. Bella I shall leave in Calcutta. It would be a nuisance +carting her about from place to place, and I am not so helpless that I +can't manage for myself. + +Expect next mail to receive a budget of prodigious size. + + + + +THE SUNBURNED EARTH + + + + +_Takai, Jan. 19_. + +There is no doubt this is the ideal place for letter-writing. I sit +here, in the verandah, with long, quiet hours stretching out before me +and nothing to do but write and write, and I suppose that is why for +the last thirty minutes I have sat nibbling the end of my pen and +dreaming--without putting pen to paper. + +Where did I leave off? The Monday we left Calcutta, wasn't it? To +continue. The said Monday was a strenuous day. Boggley absented +himself till late afternoon, while I wrestled with wild beasts at +Ephesus in the shape of bearers and coolies, my Hindustani deserting +me utterly, as it always does at a crisis. G., desolated at the +thought of the coming separation, hovered round all day and did her +best to help. + +About tea-time Boggley walked in, serenely regardless of the fact that +we were still devoid of bed and table linen, crockery and cooking +utensils. In the end the bearer was dispatched to the Stores with a +list, but the result of his shopping I haven't yet seen. G. stayed +till nearly dinner-time, and sang to us for a last time. It was horrid +parting from her, my dear old G. Do I write too much about her? I +thought from something you said in a letter that perhaps I rather +bored you talking of her. You see, I like her so much, and you can +hardly understand how much she has meant to me since we left England +together that showery October day. + +After dinner we said good-bye to our friends in what Boggley +irreverently calls "the hash-house," and at nine o'clock departed +to the station. The bearer was there with all the luggage, and the +_syces_ with the ponies, for we are taking the ponies in case there +is a chance of polo. In the end we nearly missed the train. At the +booking-office, when we tried to book the ponies, the babu in charge +lost his presence of mind and turned round and round like a teetotum. +I was amazed at Boggley's patience. For myself, I was conscious of an +intense, and most unladylike, desire to slap the poor babu. I, who +have constantly protested against any want of consideration in the +treatment of natives! + +As I was the only lady travelling, the guard was much against giving +me a carriage to myself, but a man who spoke with authority, hearing +us argue, came up and told him to put a "Ladies Only" placard on my +carriage, so I travelled in lonely splendour. + +At Assansol, which we reached at 5 a.m., we had _chota-hazri_. Tea and +toast, and most diminutive eggs, which we had to hold in our fingers +as there were no egg-cups. + +Simultala was my destination, and about eleven o'clock we reached it. +Underneath the trees a few yards away from the little station we found +a bullock-cart, which the Russels had sent for my luggage, and a +doolie for myself. A doolie is a kind of string-bed hung on a pole, +with a covering to keep off the sun. It is carried by four men, and +two others run alongside to relieve their companions at intervals. I +had sixteen miles to travel in this thing. I looked at Boggley very +doubtfully, and he tried to encourage me. + +"It is really quite comfortable," he said (and when he said so he +lied), "and the men go very fast. You will be there in no time." So +I bundled in somehow, said a wistful good-bye to Boggley, and we +started. I can't honestly say I like a doolie. I would rather have +been my luggage and gone in the bullock-cart. Whichever way I lay I +very soon got an ache in my back. The conduct, too, of the coolies +filled me with uneasiness. They kept up a continued groaning. One +said, "Oh--oh--oh!" and the other replied, "Oo--oo--oo!" and you can't +think what a depressing sound it was. (I know now that doolie-coolies +always make that noise when on duty. It seems to keep up their hearts, +so to speak, and cheer them on.) Feeling guiltily that it was my +weight that made them groan, I lay perfectly still, and was even +holding my breath in an effort to make myself lighter, when, for no +apparent reason, we left the road, such as it was, and started across +the trackless plain. There was nothing to be seen except an infrequent +bush, no trace of a human habitation--nothing but the wind blowing and +the grass growing. Awful thoughts began to come into my head. I was +all alone in India, indeed worse than alone, I was in the company of +six natives most inadequately clothed: of their language I knew not +one single word; I didn't even know if they were carrying me in the +direction I wanted to go. Suddenly the groaning ceased, and I found +myself and the doolie planted on the ground. _Was_ my bright young +life to be ended? Cold with terror, I shut my eyes tight, and when I +opened them I found all the six coolies squatted round, all talking +at once, all presumably addressing me. I made out one word which +was repeated often, _baksheesh_. Reminding myself that I was of the +Dominant Race, I sat up and waving a hand towards the horizon said +sternly, "Jao!" I do think I must have intimidated them, for they +meekly picked me up again and we resumed our journey. The longest lane +turns, the darkest night wears on to dawn, the weariest river winds +at last to the sea; and about tea-time, aching, dishevelled, hungry +(having had nothing but a few chocolates since _chota-hazri_ at 5 +a.m.), I was deposited before the verandah of the Russels' bungalow. + +I don't suppose you know anything about mission work? Neither do I, +which is very shocking, as I have had every opportunity of acquiring +information. Perhaps, as a child, I was taken to too many missionary +meetings, with their atmosphere of hot tea and sentiment, and heard +too much of "my dear brothers and sisters in the mission field," for +I grieve to say, before I came to India, I quite actively disliked +missionaries and thought them a feeble folk. Mother was the only kind +of missionary I liked. She has a mission--so we tell her--to the +dreary people of this world. Not the very poor--they are vastly +entertaining--but the not-very-rich, highly respectable, deadly dull +people, with awkward, unlovable manners, whom no one cares very much +to visit or to ask to things, and who must often feel very lonely and +neglected. While others are taken up with more entertaining company +Mother has time to trot to these people with a new book or magazine, +or merely to talk for half an hour in the funny bright way which is +like no one else's way; has them to the house to meet interesting +people (in spite of the remonstrant groans of the family), and having +brought them does not neglect them, but draws them out till they seem +quite brilliant, and they go away warmed and enlivened by their social +success. + +Even the most determined distruster of missions couldn't stay long at +Takai without being converted. Dr. Russel, very far from being feeble, +is a most able man, who would have made his mark in his profession at +home; but he prefers healing the bodies and saving the souls of the +Santals in the jungle, to building up a lucrative practice, and even +attaining the dizzy height of a knighthood. + +To heal their poor neglected bodies; to be the first to tell them of +Jesus--how did Festus put it?--"one Jesus, which is dead, whom Paul +affirmed to be alive"; to teach them, to help and raise them until +life becomes for these natives a new and undreamed-of thing--one can +see how fine it is, how soul-satisfying! + +Dr. Russel has built a hospital, and the natives come from far and +near bringing their sick. As I sit here writing, they come trooping +past, taking a short cut past the bungalow, stopping to stare at me +quite unabashed, sometimes carrying a sick child, sometimes a blind +old man or woman. They know they can come at any time and the Padre +Sahib will never tell them to go away. It is different with a +Government official. He is hedged round by _chuprassis_ who levy toll +on the poor natives before they allow them to enter the presence of +the Sahib. It is a scandal, but it seems impossible to stop it. You +may catch a _chuprassi_ in the act, you may beat him and insist on +his handing back the money, but almost before your back is turned the +annas or pice have changed hands again! It is _dustoor_! + +My first view of the hospital was rather a shock. Nothing was what I +had expected. The beds are square blocks of cement, without even a +mattress. The patients bring their own bedding and their cooking pots +and pans, and generally a friend to look after them. The said friends +camp all round the hospital, and it is pretty to see them at sunset, +each cooking his evening meal over his own little fire. This morning +being Sunday I went to a service at the hospital. The mingled smell +of carbolic, hookahs, and coco-nut oil was, I confess, rather +overpowering, but when Dr. Russel asked me, "Is this at all +interesting to you, or is it merely disgusting?" I could reply +truthfully that it was more interesting than disgusting. The patients +sat rolled up in their blankets, and listened while the tale of the +Prodigal Son was read to them, holding up their hands in horror when +they heard he herded swine: they regard that as a very low job indeed. +It is odd the way they respond: just as if during church service at +home a man were to answer each statement made by the clergyman, "Right +you are, guv'nor." + +Coming home, we saw a native cooking his dinner on a little charcoal +fire, and as I passed he threw the contents of the pot away. +Surprised, I asked why. "Because," I was told, "your shadow fell on it +and defiled it!" + +One can hardly overestimate the boon a man like Dr. Russel is to a +district. Trust is a plant of slow growth with the natives, but +they have learned to trust him entirely, and go to him in all their +troubles as children go to a father. And he has a very real helpmate +in his wife. I never saw such a busy woman. If she isn't in the +hospital helping at operations (she has a medical degree), she is +teaching girls to sew, or women to read, and yet the children are +beautifully cared for, and the house excellently managed. I suppose +most women would pity Mrs. Russel sincerely. She passes her life in a +place many miles from another European, with absolutely no society, +no gaieties, no theatres, not even shops where she can while away +the time buying things she doesn't want. Yet I never met a woman so +utterly satisfied with her lot. Honestly, I don't think she has a +single thing left to wish for: devoted to her husband, devoted to her +children, heart and soul in her work. + +"If only," she sometimes says, "it would go on! The children will have +to go home very soon--the tragedy of Anglo-Indian life." + +They are such dear children, Ronald and Robert and tiny Jean. The boys +speak Santali like little natives, and even their English has an odd +turn. When little Jean was born they were greatly interested in the +first white baby they had seen, and Ronald said rapturously: + +"Oh, Mummy, aren't ladies darlings when they are babies?" + +Their mother found them one day bending over the cradle, arguing as to +why the baby cried. + +Ronald said, "She has no teeth, for that reason she cries." + +Robert said, "She has no hair, for that reason she cries." + +And Ronald finished, "She has no English, for that reason she cries." + +I am not the only visitor at Takai. There are two missionary ladies +here, resting after a strenuous time in some famine district. One is +tall and stout, the other is short and thin; both have drab-coloured +faces and straight mouse-coloured hair; both wear eye-glasses and sort +of up and down dresses--the very best of women one feels sure, but +oh! so difficult. You know my weakness for making people like me, +but these dear ladies will have none of me, charm I never so wisely. +Everything I do meets with their disapproval--how well I see it in +their averted, spectacled eyes! I talk too much, laugh too much, tell +foolish tales, mimic my elders and betters, and--worst sin of all--I +have never read, never even heard of, the _Missionary Magazine_. + +Something you said in your last letter, some allusion to religion, I +didn't quite like, and at any other time I would have written you a +sermon on the subject. In Calcutta (where I felt so self-righteous) +nothing would have prevented me--but now I haven't the spirit. Mark, +please, how the whirligig of Time brings its revenges! In Calcutta I +thought myself a saint, in Takai I am regarded as a Brand Unplucked. +It is rather dispiriting. I am beginning to wonder if I really am as +nice as I thought I was. + + +_Takai, Jan. 22_. + +This Gorgeous East is a cold and draughty place. + +We have _chota-hazri_ in the verandah at 7.30, and at that early hour +it is so cold my blue fingers will hardly lift the cup. Now the sun +is beginning to warm things into life again, and I have been sitting +outside basking in its rays, to the anxiety of Mrs. Russel, who, like +all Anglo-Indians, has a profound respect for the power of the Eastern +sun. The children are taught that one thing they must not do is to run +out without a topi. They were looking over _The Pilgrim's Progress_ +with me, and at a picture of Christian, bareheaded, approaching the +Celestial City, with the rays of the sun very much in evidence, Robert +pointed an accusing finger, saying, "John Bunyan, you're in the sun +without your topi." + +The poor Santals must feel dreadfully cold just now, especially the +children, who have hardly anything on. Mrs. Russel has a big trunk +full of things sent out from home as presents to the Mission--pieces +of calico, and various kinds of garments--and these are given as +prizes to the children who attend the Christian schools. The pieces of +cloth which they can wind round them are the most valued prizes. +Some of the garments are too ridiculous. Shapeless sacks of pink +flannelette, intended, I suppose, for shirts; and such-like. This +morning there was a prize-giving. The big trunk was brought into the +verandah, and the children were allowed to choose. One small boy +chose a dressing-gown of a material known, I believe, as duffle, of a +striking pattern. In this he arrayed himself with enormous pride: a +wide frilled collar stood out round his little thin neck, and, to +complete the picture, he carried a bow and arrow. A quainter figure I +never saw! I only wished the well-meaning Dorcas who made the garment +could have seen him. A little missionary from somewhere in West Africa +once told me about a small orphan native she had rescued and adopted. + +"I had him christened," she said plaintively. "I had him christened +David Livingstone, and I dressed him in a blue serge man-of-war suit; +but he ran away." I murmured sympathy, but I couldn't feel surprised. +Imagine a little heathen David Livingstone, in a hot, sticky serge +suit! + +These bows and arrows, by the way, are rather interesting. The natives +make them of bamboo and strips of hide, and they are tipped with iron. +They really shoot things with them--birds and wild animals, I mean. I +bought one from the owner of the dressing-gown for four annas, to take +home to Peter. It seemed very little for a real bow and arrow, but Dr. +Russel said it was quite enough; and when one comes to think of it, it +is double a man's day's wage. I _am_ enjoying myself at Takai. As the +man said when he lost his wife, "It's verra quiet but verra peacefu'." +After Calcutta, the quiet does seem almost uncanny. + +It is a blameless existence one leads. I think I would soon grow very +good, for there is no temptation to be anything else. One can't be +very frivolous when there is no one to be frivolous with; nor can one +backbite and be unkind, for there is no provocation. As for being vain +and fond of the putting on of apparel, what is the good when one is +the Best People if one wears a garment of any description? + +Although there is nothing to do, the days never seem too long. After +_chota-hazri_ I generally go for a walk with the children. There is +one good broad road passing the bungalow which leads away to the Back +of Beyond, but we prefer the little tracks worn by the feet of the +natives, which criss-cross everywhere. Jean won't stir a step without +a horrid, dilapidated rag doll called Topsy. I do dislike the faces of +rag dolls, their lack of profile is so gruesome, and Topsy is a most +depressing specimen of her kind; but Jean lavishes affection on her. +A woman-child is an odd thing. I remember being taken into a shop to +choose a doll, and I chose a most hideous thing with curly white hair. +No one could understand why, and I was too shy to tell. It was because +the doll was so ugly; I felt sure no one would buy her, and I couldn't +bear to think of her loneliness. The boys christened her "Mrs. +Smilie," after a lady of that name whom they thought she resembled, +and the poor thing came to a tragic end. They were playing at the +execution of Mary Queen of Scots, in the shrubbery, seized on "Mrs. +Smilie" to play the title rôle, and with brutal realism chopped off +her poor ugly head. I arrived just in time to see the deed, and rushed +swiftly, with fists and feet, to avenge her fate. + +Well, we set off every morning on our pilgrimage, Jean calling herself +"Mrs. Jones," and walking primly till we reach what we pretend is the +seashore, where she forgets her dignity and rolls about in the sand. +A certain kind of tree that Dr. Russel has planted round about the +bungalow makes a noise exactly like waves, so it is easy to pretend +about the sea. We meet many pilgrims on their way to some holy place, +and we create quite a sensation in the little clusters of huts--they +could hardly be called villages--that we pass through. The inhabitants +crowd around us, saying "Johar," which I take it is Santali for +"Salaam," and we repeat "Johar" and grin broadly in reply; and the pie +dogs sniff round us in a friendly way. The other day we met a boy who, +on beholding me, stood stock still, threw back his head, and shouted +with laughter. I never heard more whole-hearted merriment. I had to +join in. Whether it was that he had never seen anyone with fair +hair before, or whether there is something particularly droll in my +appearance, I don't know, but he evidently found me the funniest thing +he had met with for a long time. It is generally Topsy who is the +centre of interest. They hustle one another to look at her and gurgle +with delight. Jean told me solemnly, "I have to leave her at home when +I go with Mummy to the villages. They won't listen about Jesus for +looking at Topsy." + +Jean's great desire is to meet "someone white." Yesterday I saw a +horseman approaching in European riding kit and a topi. "Look, Jean," +I said, "I believe that is an Englishman" but when he came up to us +and raised his topi with a flourish Jean said mournfully, "No, it's +nobody white," and I had to pick her up hurriedly in case she should +say something more to hurt the poor Eurasian. + +When we come in from our walk it is tiffin-time. After that the +children are put to bed, and I sit in the verandah and write and rest. +Did I say rest? This is what goes on: + +"O-liv-i-a!" + +I go into the nursery, and Jean, very wide awake, demands a needle and +thread, as she wants to sew a dress for Topsy. I tie a piece of thread +into a large darning-needle and supply her with my handkerchief, which +she proceeds to sew into a tight ball. I return to my writing. + +"Olivia!" + +This time it is Robert. + +"Olivia, if this bungalow fell into the tank would it splash out all +the water?" + +"Of course it would." + +"Then what would the water do when it fell back from the splash and +found the bungalow blocking up its tank?" + +Unable to think of an answer, I tell him to be a good boy and not +disturb people when they are writing. Ronald begs for a piece of paper +and a pencil, and having got it, proceeds to write down everything +beginning with G. I once told Peter to do that, and his list when I +looked at it ran: "God--Gollywog--Gordon Highlanders."... + +Immediately I resume my writing it begins again, "Olivia" in every +tone, peremptory, beseeching, coaxing--but like the deaf adder I stop +my ears and refuse to hear. I am using this opportunity to write my +great work on the Mutiny, and it isn't nearly so easy to write a book +as I thought. No matter how much I try, my sentences seem all to +stand up on end. I can't acquire any ease or grace of style. I read +somewhere lately that young writers use too many adjectives, that good +writers depend more on verbs. It has made me rather nervous and I keep +counting both, but a certain dubiety in my own mind as to which is +which greatly complicates matters. My heroine, too, is a failure, I +like her name--Belinda--but it is the only thing I like about her. +What is the good of me laboriously writing down that she is beautiful +and charming when I am convinced in my own mind she is nothing of the +kind? However, I mean to persevere.... + +We all meet at tea--the nicest time of the day I think. My friend +Katie says the world isn't properly warmed up till five o'clock, and +certainly there is a feeling of comfort all over everything at the +clink of the teacups. Mrs. Russel being Scots, knows how to give a +proper tea, with plates, and knives, and scones, and jam; and I am as +greedy as a schoolboy over it. Yesterday there was no milk--such a +blow. The cows had wandered into a man's land, and he, as the custom +is, marched them into the pound five miles away, and there we +were--milkless! + +The country round Takai is quite pretty--almost like Scots moorland. +Yesterday we went for a picnic to a river at the opening of a pass--a +most interesting place where not very long ago a native boy had been +eaten by a tiger. You see, picnics in the jungle are not quite the +insipid things they are at home! There is always the chance that the +unwary may be devoured. Actually we did see yesterday the footprints +of a tiger in the sand by the river--pugs I think is the proper +expression. I was scared, but Robert advanced boldly into the bushes. +Ronald, watching him admiringly, said, "He is very brave; he is as +brave as Daniel." + +Talking about tigers, they aren't nearly as prevalent as I thought. I +had an idea they were prowling all over India waiting to spring, but +one man told me he had been in India fifteen years and had never seen +one. Boggley came on one once and took it for a cow--short-sighted +Boggley! Dr. Russel says there was a man-eating tiger in the district +lately, and a reward was offered for its capture. A young engineer +sallied forth to slay. He directed the natives to dig a pit near where +the tiger was known to be and cover it with branches, and the next day +went and found it had walked into the trap. The natives removed the +branches, the gallant engineer approached, but they had dug the pit on +a slope, and the tiger _came walking up to meet him!_ + +I would rather like to see a wild beast from a safe distance. A native +came into hospital only yesterday with his arm all torn and mauled by +a leopard, but, though I have walked miles through the jungle, I have +seen nothing more fearsome than a black-beetle, and _that_ I might have +seen at home. The Santals are very keen _shikaris_, and go regularly +to hunt armed with bows and arrows and a few guns. + +One morning I watched them start. With them was a youth home on +holiday from a situation in Calcutta--I liked his idea of a shooting +costume. He wore a pair of bright blue socks and yellow shoes, a +pink shirt worn over a dhoti, and over that a well-cut tweed coat +(evidently an old one of his master's), a high linen collar, but no +tie, a straw hat and enormous blue spectacles. The last-named were +evidently worn more for effect than by order of the oculist, for the +youth removed them when the time came to use his gun. + + +_27th_. + +My home mail has just come in. I like to be in the verandah to see the +dâk-runner bring in the letters. I hear him long before I see him, for +he carries a stick with jingling bells at the end to frighten away +animals as he comes through the jungle. Mine was a particularly nice +mail to-day--good news from everyone. You have no idea how out here +one loves to get letters, and how one gloats over every scrap of +news. Do you really look forward to my letters? Your letters are the +greatest comfort to me; indeed, I can't imagine what it would be like +without them. + +I must finish this up, for the mail goes to-morrow. My time here is +nearly run. I hear from Boggley that he expects to arrive to-morrow, +and we depart together the next day. I shall be sorry and glad--both. +Sorry to leave Takai and the dear people, more than glad to be with +Boggley. + +Robert has just come in, excitedly clutching the tail of a lizard. He +had caught it going up the wall, and the lizard had wriggled away and +left its tail. Now I suppose it will perseveringly grow another. + +Robert is holding the tail before Jean that she may see it wriggle, +and saying, "God made it so. _Wasn't_ it clever?" The dear babies! How +I shall miss them! + + +_Circuit House, Lakserai, Jan 31_. + +This letter must begin in pencil, for Boggley has the only pen. By the +bye, would you mind keeping my letters till I get home? I think it +might be amusing to read them when my cold weather in India is a thing +of the past. + +Behold us on the first stage of our wanderings! + +We left Takai on Wednesday, I in my old friend the doolie, Boggley on +his bicycle. It is wonderful where a bicycle can go in India. + +I was much sorrier to leave Takai than I thought I should be, and +I think they were a little sorry to see me go. Even the missionary +ladies unbent so far as to say they would miss my bright face and +merry chatter. How differently people describe things! Bright and +merry are hardly the adjectives I should have applied to my soulful +countenance and brilliant conversation; but no matter. They all stood +on the verandah to watch us go. Mrs. Russel, dear woman, was obviously +sincerely sorry for anyone leaving such a delectable spot as Takai; +and indeed there are many worse places. The boys grinned benignly, +each hopping on one foot. Robert, looking rather like a toadstool with +his topi and thin legs, said, "I'm going to Scotland soon, and I'm not +coming back to India till I have a long beard." + +Just as we were starting, an object hurtled through the air and fell +at my feet, and Jean's voice explained, "It is Topsy, Olivia; you may +have her"; then, self-sacrificing but heart-broken, she buried her +head in her mother's lap. I am rather "tear-minded," as our old nurse +used to say, at any time, and I saw things through a mist for the +first mile or two. + +It didn't seem nearly such a long way going to the station as coming +from it, but Boggley on his bicycle was there long before me and my +doolie men. We got a train to wherever we were going to about five +o'clock. I had some sandwiches with me, and we got tea handed in at a +station. It tasted of musty straw, and Boggley said the milk wasn't +safe, but the cups made up for everything. Boggley's bore the legend +_Forget-me-not_, and mine _A present for a good girl_ in gilt letters. +About eight o'clock we came to another station--it is quite impossible +to remember their ridiculous names--and got out. It was quite an +important station, and the large refreshment-room had a long table set +for dinner. Lining the walls of the room were tall glass cases filled +with tinned meats, jam, biscuits, and other eatables, for in the +Mofussil provisions are bought at the railway stations. After dinner +Boggley produced a pencil and sheet of paper. "Now," he said, "we must +make a list of provisions wanted." So we sat on the table and laid our +heads together. + +"We'll begin with necessaries," said Boggley "Butter." + +"Jam," I added, "and cheese." + +These being put down, we couldn't think of another single thing. + +"Go on," said Boggley, biting his pencil "That can't be all." + +"Biscuits," I said with a flash of inspiration, and we chose three +boxes of biscuits, and stuck again. + +When the attendant produced a list of provisions kept, we got on +better, and soon had two large wooden boxes packed with things that +sounded as if they might taste good. The only thing I do feel we have +been extravagant in is mustard--it is an enormous tin, and one doesn't +really eat such a vast deal of mustard. + +The list finished and approved, I asked when our train came in. + +"About 4.30," said Boggley. This was 9 p.m. + +"What!" I cried, aghast, "Where are we going to sleep?" + +Boggley waved his hands comprehensively. "Anywhere," he said; "we'll +see what the waiting-room is like." + +The waiting-room was like nothing I had ever seen before. A large, +dirty, barn-like apartment, with some cane seats arranged round the +wall, and an attempt at a dressing-table, with a spotty looking-glass +on it, in one corner. One small lamp, smelling vilely, served to +make darkness visible, and an old hag crouching at the door was the +attendant spirit. It doesn't sound cheery, does it? The bearer, +Autolycus by name (I call him Autolycus not because he is a knave and +witty, but because he is such a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles), +made up a bed on one of the cane seats, and there, in that dreary and +far from clean apartment, with horrible insects walking up the walls +and doubtless carpeting the floor, with no lock on the door and +unknown horrors without, I slept dreamlessly. My last waking thought +was, "I wish my mother could see me now!" + +Boggley slept in the refreshment-room. Autolycus had gone to the +stationmaster and demanded a bed for "a first-class Commissioner +Sahib," and, so far does impudence carry one, got it. + +I was awakened at 3 a.m., and the aged crone helped me to pack up +my bedding. I gave her a rupee, which afterwards I regretted when +Autolycus pointed out she had stolen a sheet. + +We crossed the Ganges in the grey dawn, a clammy fog shrouding +everything. Nothing was visible but a stretch of wan water, and one or +two natives near the bank bathing in the holy river. We were the only +Europeans travelling, till at one station a nice old priest came in, +of what nationality we couldn't make out. I was pondering it when I +discovered that my bangle with the miniature, which I always wear, +wasn't on my wrist. We looked up, and down, and round about, and then +I shouted, "Why, there it is!" And there it was lying on the priest's +lap. He looked so utterly dumbfoundered, poor dear man, and blushed +all over his fat, good-natured face, and I, when I realized I had +pointed an accusing finger, was also covered with confusion. We tried +to explain that it had come off with my glove, but he merely bowed +repeatedly and made hurt ejaculations in some unknown tongue, so we +were reduced to an uneasy silence. + +About twelve o'clock we had breakfast in the refreshment-room of a +station. We had wired for it, so it was ready. First we got ham and +eggs. The ham was evidently tinned, and the eggs were quite black. I +poked my share suspiciously and asked what made it so black. "Pepper," +said Boggley, who was eating away quite placidly. + +Pepper! As if I couldn't recognize plain dirt when I saw it. Our +plates were the kind with hot water inside, and a cork, and as the +venerable man removed them for the next course I, watching, saw him +wipe them perfunctorily with the corner of his already none too clean +garment, then gravely hand them back. After that, I thought dry bread +was the safest thing to breakfast on. + +Now we are installed in Lakserai Circuit House These rest-houses +are kept up by the Government for officials on inspection duty. +Dâk-bungalows are rather different. Any traveller may stay in them by +paying so much. This house consists of one very large room, dining, +drawing, smoking room in one, and two bedrooms. It is rather damp and +dreary, but that doesn't matter, for we leave again to-morrow morning. +We have been to call this afternoon on the wife of the Collector, Mrs. +Edston, a pretty woman with nice manners and a sweet voice. We had tea +with her and saw her small son. Her bungalow interested me. It was +only the second Mofussil bungalow I had seen. The Takai drawing-room +was delightful, a big, rather empty room, with one or two good +reproductions of famous pictures on the walls, heaps of books, and an +almost entire absence of ornaments--rather an ascetic room. It +suited the simple, strenuous life there. Mrs. Edston's is quite +different--bright and pretty, full of flowers and growing plants; +tables laden with silver, and photographs of pretty women and +children; comfortable chairs, with opulent cushions, soft rugs and +hangings--altogether a very cosy room. + +Mrs. Edston has kindly asked us to dine with her to-night. + + +_Later_. + +We have just come back, and as I am not very sleepy I shall write a +bit. It was pouring rain at eight o'clock, so a trap was sent for us, +and a note asking us not to whip the horses too hard. I thought they +must be very restive animals, but it turned out to be a joke. There +were no horses in the trap, only coolies! + +We had a very pleasant dinner. Mr. Edston is out in camp, but two +young assistant officers were there. They live in tents in the +compound, as the bungalow is small, and have their meals with the +Edstons. Sitting to-night before a blazing fire, in the pretty +drawing-room, listening to Mrs. Edston singing, I reflected that +they were exceedingly fortunate young men to have such a home-like +habitation and such a charming hostess. To do them justice, I think +they quite realize their good fortune. + +We depart to-morrow morning for some quite unpronounceable place about +twenty miles from here, to stay at another rest-house till Monday. + + +_Madhabad, Sunday_. + +We have reached the unpronounceable place after much prayer and +fasting. What a day we had yesterday! We left the Lakserai Circuit +House at 10 a.m., preceded by Autolycus and a crowd of coolies bearing +luggage. Each coolie carries one thing, and as they are all paid the +same without regard to the weight carried, of course there is great +competition for the light packages. It is odd to see one man stagger +under a trunk while another trots gaily off with a cushion or a kodak. +We are allowed to take hand-luggage into the carriage, and we take +such a broad view of the word that it means with us dressing-bags, +suit-cases, tennis-rackets, gun-cases, polo-sticks, golf-clubs, and as +much more as the compartment will hold. + +The station, when we reached it yesterday, was crammed with natives +squatting so thick on the platform one could hardly move without +treading on them. A great festival is going on which only happens once +in a long time--fifty years I think--and if they bathe in the holy +Ganges while the festival lasts all their sins are washed away. They +are flocking from all parts, eagerly boarding every train that stops, +regardless of the direction it is going in. The festival ends to-day +at twelve, so I greatly fear many will be disappointed. At all times +the native loves railway travelling, and, as he has no notion of +time-tables, he often arrives at the station the night before, sleeps +peacefully on the ground, and is in comfortable time for the first +train in the morning. Also, he has no idea of fixed charges, and when +he goes to the ticket-office and asks for his "tickut," and the babu +in charge tells him the price, he offers half. When that is refused he +goes away, and returns in an hour or so and offers a little more. It +may take a whole day to convince a native that he can't beat down the +Railway Company. + +This festival had so disarranged the trains that our train which +should have left at ten didn't come in till twelve. Then we had +to change at the next station and wait for the connection, and we +actually sat there till eight in the evening, when our train sauntered +in. They say of a certain cold and draughty station in Scotland that +in it there is neither man's meat, nor dog's meat, nor a place to sit +down, and it is equally true of the Indian junction. We had nothing +to eat all day except ginger snaps, and they pall after a time, +especially in a dry and dusty land where no water is. There were two +other travellers in the same plight, a Mr. and Mrs. Blackie, and we +sat together through that long hot day, too utterly hungry and bored +even to pretend interest in each other. When the train did come in, +something had gone wrong with the engine, and they lost more time +pottering about with it--tying it up with string probably. It was then +that my temper, and I do think I behaved with great fortitude up to +that time, gave way, and I tried to bully the officials. It was +no use. They merely smiled and said, "Cer-tain-lee," and Boggley +irritated me more and more by solemnly repeating: + + "It is not good for the Christian soul to hustle the Aryan brown, + For the Christian riles and the heathen smiles + And it weareth the Christian down. + And the end of the fight is a tombstone white + With the name of the dear deceased; + And the epitaph drear--'A fool lies here + Who tried to hustle the East.'" + +We had nothing to look forward to at the end of the journey except a +dâk-bungalow's cold welcome, but the Blackies, who live at Madhabad, +insisted we should go home with them to dinner; so, instead of the +tinned ham-and-egg meal we had expected, we had a dainty, well-cooked +dinner in a cosy dining-room. Warmed and fed, we retired to our +present resting-place, and found little comfort here. Autolycus and +his coolies had only just arrived, and Autolycus was searching vainly +for a lamp--a _bati_ he called it. The floors are stone and as cold as +the tomb. Mr. Blackie begged us to go back to his place for the night, +but we wouldn't hear of it. Autolycus ran a lamp to earth; we explored +for bedrooms and found two, in which he hastily made up beds. They are +damp, and far from clean; but one learns to put up with a lot in the +Mofussil, and in a very short time we had forgotten our troubles in +sleep. + +This morning I rose betimes and went out to the verandah, and there +I found--quite suddenly--a handsome young man. It seems he too is +staying in this eligible mansion. He is an engineer--a bridge-builder, +I think--and this is convenient for his present work. He was in +bed and asleep, and didn't hear us arrive last night; so he was as +surprised to see me as I was to see him. When Boggley appeared we had +breakfast together. It was interesting hearing about the kind of life +this young man leads. He says although Madhabad is not gay, it is +Piccadilly compared to where he often is, out in camp, forty miles +from another European, with not a soul to speak to from week to +week. The evenings are the dreariest times, and he often goes to bed +immediately after dinner. He was quite cheerful, and said he liked +the life. Madhabad is a large village, but the Blackies are the only +Europeans. There are a lot of planters, however, living round about. +We had callers this morning. Mr. Royle, to whose place we go on +Monday, rode over with his two small daughters, to say they would +expect us to stay with them. We meant to camp, but it will be much +pleasanter to stay with the Royles; everyone says they are charming +people. + +Boggley and I went for a walk after tea to see the country. There +isn't much to see except a long, straight brown road and a most +insanitary-looking tank. The village is more interesting with its +queer booths. I do think it is an incongruous sight to see, as I +saw this afternoon, a native, naked but for a loin cloth, plying +a Singer's sewing-machine. The natives looked sullen and rather +suspicious, or is it only that I imagine it because they are so unlike +the broad-smiling Santals with their cheerful _johar_? There are four +trees before this bungalow, and at present two vultures are perching +on each--horrible creatures, with long, scraggy necks. I pointed them +out to Boggley, who was immediately reminded of a tale of a bumptious +young civilian, new to the country, who was told, by one who had +suffered many things at his hands, that the birds were wild turkeys, a +much-valued delicacy; hearing which the youth promptly shot some and +sent them round to the ladies of the station. Do you believe that +tale? I don't. + +... We have just finished dinner--much the most amusing dinner I ever +ate. There is an intense rivalry, it seems, between our cook and the +engineer-man's cook; and although we dined together, our bills-of-fare +were kept jealously apart. Autolycus, of course, waited on us, and +when he handed me the fish, and I helped myself to one of the four +pieces, he said sternly, "Two, please," and I meekly took the other. +The engineer had no fish, but on the other hand he had an entrée which +was denied us. Both cooks rose to a savoury. (They _will_ give you +the savoury before the sweet. If you insist on anything else, it so +demoralizes them that the dinner is a ruin.) Our savoury was rather +ambitious--stuffed eggs rolled in vermicelli. It tasted rather like a +bird's-nest, and one felt it had taken a lot of making and rolling +in brown hands. I envied the simpler poached egg on tomato of the +engineer. You can't _pat_ a poached egg! + + +_Rika, Feb. 9_. + +I have no home letters to answer this week. We forgot to give the +Calcutta people the new address, so on Monday night the dâk-runner +with his bells would jingle with my precious home mail into the Takai +verandah; Mrs. Russel, having no other address, would re-direct them +back to Calcutta, and they may reach us here about Sunday, It is +tantalizing, but I don't pine for news in Rika so much as in most +places. I am so thoroughly at home. I find the Mofussil is simply full +of nice people. When we rode out here on Monday morning, and Mrs. +Royle, with a shy small girl on either side, came down the verandah +steps to meet us, I knew I was going to love staying here. There is an +atmosphere about that makes for peace and happiness, and every day I +like the place and the people more. + +Rika was rather a revelation. The civilians' bungalows have a +here-we-have-no-continuing-city look about them; their owners are +constantly being moved, and pitching their moving tents elsewhere; +but the Royles have been at Rika for fifteen years, and have made a +delightful home. The bungalow is built on a slightly rising ground +with a verandah all round--a verandah made pleasant with comfortable +chairs, rugs, writing-tables, books, and flowers. At one end a +_dirzee_ squats with a sewing-machine, surrounded by white stuff in +various stages of progress for the Mem Sahib and the children. From +the middle of the verandah a broad flight of steps, flanked on either +side by growing plants in pots, leads down to the road, and across the +road lie the tennis-lawns and the flower-garden. I have read that one +of the most pathetic things about this Land of Exile is the useless +effort to make English flowers grow. In Rika they must feel at home, +for the whole air is scented with roses and mignonette. When +Mrs. Royle took us to see her flowers, Boggley pulled a sprig of +mignonette, sniffed it appreciatively, and handing it to me said: + +"What does that remind you of?" + +"Miss Aitken's teas!" I said promptly. Always that scent takes me +straight back to sunny summer afternoons when + + "The day was just a day to my mind, + All sunny before and sunny behind, + Over the heather," + +and myself in a stiffly starched frock, accompanied by three brothers +with polished faces and spotless collars setting out to drink tea with +our friends Miss Aitken and Miss Elspeth. There was always honey for +tea, I remember,--honey made by the bees that buzzed through laborious +days in their thatched houses in a corner of the sunny garden,--and +little round scones, and crisp shortbread; and, as we ate and +chattered, through the open windows the roses nodded in, giving +greeting to their friends, the roses of past summers dried and +entombed in great vases; and the scent of mignonette so mixed itself +with the sound of gentle old voices and childish trebles, the fragrant +tea in the fragile china cups, the prancing dragons in the cabinet, +that now, over the years, it brings them all back to me as surely, as +potently, as if it had been indeed a sprig of Oberon's wild thyme +or Ophelia's rosemary for remembrance. As I have told you, we were +naughty children, sometimes even wicked children, but our conduct at +this house was, "humanly speaking, perfect." The old ladies listened +so sympathetically to our tales of how many trout we had that day +_guddled_ in the burn; of the colt we had managed to catch and +mount--as a family--by the aid of the dyke, and of the few delirious +moments spent on its slippery back before it threw us--as a family; of +the ins and outs of why Boggley's nose was swelling visibly and his +right eye disappearing. They would look at each other, nodding wisely +at intervals while they murmured, "Interestin' bit bairnies." Boggley, +when young, was of a peculiarly fiery temper. At times one could +hardly look at him without being confronted with squared fists and +being invited to "come on"; but when Miss Elspeth, holding one of his +pugnacious paws in her kind, soft hands, assured him he was the flower +of the flock, and _her_ boy, he was a Samson shorn for mildness. + +Speaking pure Lowland Scots, which was a delight to listen to; full +of a gracious hospitality embracing everyone in the district from the +highest to the lowest; fiery politicians and ardent supporters of +their beloved Free Kirk, to the upkeep of which I believe they would +cheerfully have given their last copper, Miss Aitken and Miss Elspeth +were of a type now unhappily almost extinct. + +Miss Elspeth was the plain, clever one. "In my youth", she loved to +quote, "in my youth I wasna what you would ca' bonnie, but I was pale, +penetratin', and interestin'." + +Miss Aitken had been a beauty, and liked to tell us of the balls she +had danced at, when, dressed in white muslin with heelless slippers +and a wreath in her hair, she had been called "a sylph," Why she had +never married was a puzzle to many. I remember she used to tell us of +a wonderful visit to London, and of how she came home sick at heart +about leaving all the "ferlies," as she called them. On her first +evening at home Miss Elspeth had said, to cheer her, "Come and see the +wee pigs." "Me!" said poor Miss Aitken. "What did I care about the +wee pigs!" It was, perhaps, more than the "ferlies" she missed, but I +don't know. She was no sylph when I knew her, my dear Miss Aitken, but +she had a most comfortable lap, and a cap with cherry ribbons, and the +kindest heart in all the world. Once, John, who thirsted always for +information, and mindful of a point that had struck him in the chapter +at morning prayers, said: + +"Miss Aitken, are you any relation to Achan-in-the-Camp?" + +Miss Elspeth, looking quizzically at her sister, answered for her: +"Dod! Marget, I wouldna wonder but what ye micht hae been tempted by +the Babylonish garment!" + +They were very old when we knew them, these dear ladies, and they +have been dead many years, but their simple, kindly lives have left +a fragrance to sweeten this workaday world even as the mignonette in +bygone summers scented their old-world garden. + +How I do reminisce! It is entirely your fault for saying you liked it. +You know it is a trait in the Douglas family. Our way of entertaining +guests is to sit close together and recall happenings, and delightedly +remind each other of childish escapades, shouting hilariously, while +our guests sit in a bored and puzzled silence. Pleasant family the +Douglases! + +Well, as I said, Rika is a pleasant place and the Royles Irish, +therefore charming. Mrs. Royle is a most purpose-like person. I like +to go with her in the morning on her rounds. Through the gardens we go +to see the bananas and pine-apples and tomatoes ripening in the sun, +and make sure that the _malis_ are doing their work; then on to the +wash-house, where the _dhobi_ is finishing the weekly wash; to the +kitchens, to see that the cooking-pots are clean; finally, to stand on +the verandah while the _syces_ bring the ponies and feed them before +our suspicious eyes. I forgot the henhouse. As we live almost entirely +on fowls in the Mofussil, the _moorghy-khana_ is a most important +feature of the establishment; but just now, I regret to say, owing to +a moorghy famine in the district, the stock is at a somewhat low ebb. +Men have been scouring the country for fowls, but when we went to look +at the result this morning we found about a dozen miserable chickens, +almost featherless, standing dejectedly in corners, and Mrs. Royle +wailed, "We can't kill these: it would be a sheer slaughter of the +innocents!" It isn't easy to get beef or mutton in this part of the +world, and when a sheep is brought to Rika it has to be carefully +concealed, or Kittiwake ties a ribbon round its neck and claims it as +her own, and terrible is the outcry if anyone dares to make away with +her pet. + +There are two Royle children--Kittiwake and Hilda. Kittiwake +(christened, I believe, Kathleen Helen) is fat and broad and beaming, +and very religious. Hilda is inclined to love the gay world, and finds +Rika too quiet--the baby aged six! They are both thorough little +sportsmen and mounted on their ponies go with their father almost +everywhere. Yesterday I went for a ride with them, along dusty brown +roads between rice-fields, and they gave me a wonderful lot of +information about the place and the people. As we passed a little +village temple Kittiwake stopped. "_That_," she said solemnly, +pointing with her whip, "is where they worship false gods." + +I told Mr. Royle about Peter being so anxious for a mongoose, and +to-day when the children came running to beg me to come quickly and +see what the fisherman had caught for me, my mind leapt at once to +mongooses. When I saw, confined under a wicker basket, two animals +with yellow fur and flat heads that moved ceaselessly, my heart sank. +If they had been caught for me how could I be so ungracious as to +refuse them, and yet how was it possible for me to carry these most +terrifying creatures about with me, and perhaps, on the voyage home, +have to share my cabin with them? + +I looked round wildly. The fisherman was grinning delightedly at his +own cleverness. Our two _chuprassis_, Autolycus, and a _syce_ stood +round with the children, all waiting for my approval. + +"They're rather nice, aren't they?" I stammered feebly. + +"Oh--_sweet_!" said Hilda rapturously. + +"Sweet!" I echoed. "But aren't they big ones?" + +"Big!" cried Kittiwake. "Why, they're only _butchas_;" and she lifted +the edge of the basket to get a better view, at which one of the +_butchas_ made a rush for the opening and made straight at me. With +a yell I snatched up my skirts, knocked over Hilda, leapt "like a +haarse" on to the verandah straight into the astonished Mr. Royle, +while the weird beast disappeared like a yellow streak. + +"Whatever is the matter?" he asked as I sank to the floor. + +"Olivia's afraid of the _butcha_ otter!" squealed Hilda, while she +scampered about looking for the truant. + +"Otter?" said I. + +"Yes," said Mr. Royle; "they are baby otters that the fisherman found +at the side of the lake. I thought of sending them to the Calcutta +Zoo. They aren't very common in India." + +"I'm _so_ glad!" I gasped; and Mr. Royle looked mystified. It didn't +seem exactly a reason for fervent gladness, but suppose they _had_ +been mongooses? My life, so to speak, was ruined. + +Staying in the house with Mr. Royle is rather like being with Colonel +Newcome in the flesh. He is such a very "perfect gentil Knight"--as +courteous to a native woman as to the L.-G.'s wife. The people round +about adore him and his wife; they are a kind of father and mother to +the whole district. There would be little heard of disloyalty to the +British if all the Sahibs were like Mr. Royle, He is so good--I'd be +almost afraid to be so good in case I died--but not the least in a +sickly way. He is a teetotaller, a thing almost unheard of in India; +and he isn't ashamed to be heard singing hymns with the children +before their bed-time; yet (why yet?) he is a crack shot, a fine polo +player, an all-round sportsman. + +Both he and his wife are very fond of books. Mrs. Royle reads +everything she can lay her hands on, but her husband's special subject +is philosophy, and last night he lent me a volume of Nietzsche. +I don't think I understood a single word, but between it and the +_moorghy-khana_ I had a bad night. I thought I had to make in five +minutes a new scheme of the Universe. All the odd-shaped pieces were +lying about like a picture-puzzle, and I feverishly tried to make them +fit, in the clumsy ineffective way one does things in dreams. Just as +I had it almost finished, Mrs. Royle came with a fowl in each hand and +said sternly, "These must come into your scheme." I took the two great +clucking things and vainly tried to thrust their feet--or is it claws +hens have?--into a tiny corner, and they had just wrecked all my +efforts when I woke! + +I have taken some photographs which I shall send you. The delightful +babu buttoned tightly into the frock-coat is a clerk of Mr. Royle's, +called a "Sita-Ram--two-o'clock." The frock-coat was a legacy from a +departing Collector, and he is immensely proud of it. He is a great +delight to me, and says he will never cease to pray for my _internal_ +welfare! Talking of babus, one wrote to Mr. Royle the other day +about a pair of riding-breeches, and said, "I have your Honour's +measurements, but will be glad to know if there is any improvement in +the girth." Don't you think that was a very pretty way of asking if he +had put on weight? + +When I showed Autolycus and the _chuprassis_ the photographs I had +taken of them, the _chuprassis_ said, "_Atcha_" (very good), but +Autolycus shook his head violently, and when Boggley asked him what +was wrong, he replied in an injured tone that it made him look quite +black! + + +_Feb. 12_. + +... Deep snow, hard frost, bright sun--how gloriously sparkling it must +be! It dazzles my eyes to think of it. I don't wonder you revel in +the skating and the long sleigh rides through the silent forest. Talk +about the magic of the East--it could never appeal to me like the +magic of the North. + +Storks, snow-queens, moor-wives, ell-women--how the names thrill one! +What was your Hans Andersen like? Mine was light blue and gold with +wonderful coloured pictures, but it was the frontispiece I studied, +and which held me frightened yet fascinated. It was a picture of a +pine-wood, with a small girl in a blue frock and white pinafore and +red stockings, crying bitterly under a tree, in the branch of which a +doll hung limply, thrown there by cruel brothers. Through the trees +the sunset sky was pale green melting into rose-colour, and the wicked +little gnomes that twilight brings were tweaking the child's hair and +jeering at her misfortunes. One felt how cold it was, and how badly +the little girl wanted her hood and cloak. The darkness was very +near, and worse things than little gnomes would slip from behind the +tree-trunk trunks. It never occurred to me that the little girl +might have run home to warmth and light and safety. That was no +solution--the doll would still have been there. Your letter, with its +tale of snow and great quiet forests, and the picture you drew me of +the funny little girl with the flaxen plaits and the red stockings, +made me remember it. I don't know where my old book is--gone long +since from the nursery bookshelf to the dustbin, I expect, for it was +much-used and frail when I knew and loved it--but your word-picture +gave me the passport and enabled me to creep once again inside its +cover, so brave in blue and gold, and to greet my friend in the red +stockings, and find her as highly coloured as ever, and not a day +older. It is nice of you to say I have a courageous outlook on life, +but I wish I hadn't told you the story of the mongoose that was an +otter. Now you will say, like Boggley, _Funk-stick!_ If I stay much +longer in this frightsome land my hair will be white and my nervous +system a mere wreck. + +Yesterday we left the solitude of Rika and went to polo at a place +about seventeen miles away. It was very interesting to meet all the +neighbouring Europeans--mostly planters and their wives. There were +about twenty people, and everyone very nice. I wish I had time to tell +you about them, but I haven't. After polo, which I enjoyed watching, +we all had tea together and talked very affably. Then Mr. Royle drove +me home while Boggley went with Mrs. Royle. I heard, as we were +leaving, Mr. Royle say something to Boggley about the horse being +young and skittish, and a faint misgiving passed through me, but I +forgot it talking to Mr. Royle, and when we reached Rika I went off +to dress for dinner, taking it for granted that the others were just +behind. Letters were waiting me, and I lingered so long over them I +had to dress in a hurry, and ran to the drawing-room expecting to find +everyone waiting. But the room was empty. Hungry and puzzled, I waited +for another ten minutes, and then went along to Boggley's bedroom, to +see what _he_ meant anyway; but there was no one there. More and more +puzzled, but distinctly less hungry, I went back to the drawing-room, +looked into the dining-room, finally wandered out into the verandah, +where I found the children's old nurse Anne tidying away the +children's toys. + +I said: "Nurse, where's everybody?" + +Anne left the toys and lifted both hands to high heaven. + +"Och! Miss Douglas dear, it wasn't for nothing I dreamt last night of +water-horses. The night before ma sister Maggie's man was killed by a +kick from a wicked grey horse (Angus M'Veecar was his name, and a fine +young lad he was) I dreamt I saw one. As big as three hills it was, +with an awful starin' white face, and a tail on it near as long as +from Portree to Sligachen. It give a great screech, and a wallop in +the face of me, and jumped into the loch, and by milkin'-time next +morning--a Thursday it was--ma sister Maggie came into the door +cryin', 'Och and och, ma poor man, and him so kind and so young,' and +fell on the floor as stiff as a board." + +Anne comes from Skye, and often tells me about water-horses and +such-like odd denizens of that far island; and I find her soft +Highland speech, with its "ass" for "as" and "ch" for "j," very +diverting; but this time I wasn't amused. + +"But nothing _has_ happened, Anne. What are you talking about? Where +is my brother?" + +"Mercy on us all, how can I tell? The mistress and the young gentleman +has never come in, and the master says to me, 'Fetch me my flask, +Anne,' says he; and fetch it I did, and he drove away, an' I'm sure as +I'm sittin' here I didn't see the water-horse for nothing. What does a +flask mean but an accident? Och--och, and a nice laughin'-faced young +gentleman he was, too." + +If life is going to contain many such half-hours I don't see how I am +to get through it with any credit. I left Anne--whom at that moment +I hated--to seek information from the servants, which she did with a +valiant disregard of her entire lack of knowledge of Hindustani, a +language she stubbornly refused to learn a word of. The last I saw of +her she had seized the _khansamah's_ young assistant and was shouting +at him, "Chokra--ye impident little black deevil, will you tell this +moment, has there been an accident?" Backwards and forwards I went in +the verandah, then down the steps to the road, straining my eyes to +see and my ears to hear something--what I did not know. From the +garden the scent of the roses and mignonette came to me in the soft +Indian darkness. I ventured a little bit along the road, too anxious +to remember, or, remembering, to care, that I had no lantern, and that +at any moment I might tread on a snake. I could only think of one +thing, and how often I pictured it! Mr. Royle coming back, and the +natives carrying someone--someone who didn't laugh any more. The odd +thing was I didn't seem to mind at all what happened to kind Mrs. +Royle. It was Boggley, and only Boggley, that mattered to me. Of +course nothing did happen to anyone. It isn't when one expects and +dreads it that tragedy comes. Tragedy comes quietly, swiftly. I +remember going to see a fisherman's widow in a little village on the +stormy east coast. She told me of her husband's death. "I had his tea +a' ready an' a bit buttered toast an' a kipper, but he never cam' in." +That was all--"He never cam' in." + +When our wanderers returned they were rather amused than otherwise. +The horse had given trouble and ended by kicking the trap to pieces, +and they had to walk part of the way home. Quite simple, you see; but +the first opportunity I looked in a mirror to see if my hair had not +turned white in a single night, as men's have done through sudden +fear. It hadn't; but I did dream of a water-horse with "an awful +starin' white face." + +This morning Mrs. Royle took me to the village to get some brass to +take home. The shop was a little hut with an earthen floor, a pair of +scales, and one shelf crowded with brass things, made, not for +the European market, but for the daily use of the people, such as +drinking-vessels--_lota_ is the pretty name--and big brass plates out +of which they eat their rice and _dhalbat_. They keep them beautifully +polished with sand, and I think they ought to be rather decorative; +much more attractive certainly than the candlesticks and pots and +cheap rough silver-work which is the usual loot carried away by the +cold-weather visitor. + + +_16th_. + +Another mail-day will soon be upon us; they simply pounce on one. +We have to get letters away by Tuesday from the Mofussil instead of +Thursday as in Calcutta. I look forward with great distaste to leaving +this place next week. When with the Royles one can't imagine oneself +happy anywhere else. The days pass so quickly; breakfast seems hardly +over when it is time for luncheon, and before one has really settled +down to read or write it is four o'clock, and time to go to tea, which +is spread down by the lake among the roses, the sun having lost its +fierceness and begun to think of going to bed. We all sit at a round +table and eat brown bread and butter and jam, all home-made. The china +we use is very pretty and came from Ireland, but Mrs. Royle has been +greatly troubled by its discoloured appearance, which the servants +assured her there was no cure for. I suggested rough salt and +lemon-juice, and after tea yesterday afternoon they brought it, and +we each set to work on our own cup and saucer, and behold! in a +very short time they were like new. Boggley made his particularly +beautiful, but unfortunately broke it immediately afterwards, at which +Kittiwake laughed so immoderately she fell on her saucer and sent it +to its long home. + +I have learned to take a most intelligent interest in fowls and +Nietzsche; and more and more as the days pass do I like and admire +our host and hostess. I never met people I felt so _affectionately_ +towards. + +Here come the children flying, followed patiently by the old +_khansamah_ with a spoon in one hand and a bottle of cod-liver-oil +emulsion in the other. I had better finish this letter and get the ink +out of their reach. + + +_Baratah, Thursday, Feb. 21_. + +... Now we are really camping out, and I sit outside my tent even +as Abraham did of old. I have a whole long day before me to write. +Boggley was up and away long before I was awake, and won't be back +till evening. + +We left Rika on Monday afternoon, very sad indeed. Mrs. Royle, as is +her way, heaped us with benefits, and, mindful of our starvation +on the way to Rika, had a luncheon-basket packed with cold fowl, +home-made bread, tomatoes, and a big cake. As we drove off the +children pursued us down the drive crying, "Don't go away. Stay with +us always." + +At the station we were told that the train was two hours late, and +Boggley thought it would be an excellent plan to spend the time +calling on the Blackies, who live near; so, leaving Autolycus and +the _chuprassis_ with the luggage, we set out. We had been shown the +flower-garden and a crocodile that Mr. Blackie had shot, and were +about to drink a dish of tea in the drawing-room, when we heard the +whistle of an engine. "The train!" cried Boggley, bounding to his +feet, and spurning the cup of tea Mrs. Blackie was offering to him. It +was no moment for ceremony. With a shrieked good-bye we leapt out of +the window and across the compound, and set off on our half-mile run +to the station. There is something peculiarly nasty about the nature +of Indian trains. Simply because we left the station it chose to be up +to time. It must have been an amusing incident to the people in the +station, but I would have enjoyed it more had I been one of the +natives watching from a third-class carriage instead of, so to speak, +one of the principal actors. There was the engine shrieking in its +anxiety to start; there was our luggage neatly spread all over an +empty compartment; there was Autolycus protesting shrilly that the +train could not leave without his sahib, who was a very _burra_ sahib; +and finally there _we_ were with scarlet faces, topis on the backs of +our heads, surrounded by a thick cloud of dust, careering wildly into +the station. + +After all the fuss, we had only about thirty miles to travel, when +we got out and drove three miles in a kind of native cart to a +dâk-bungalow, a very poor and uncomfortable specimen of its kind. It +didn't uplift us to hear that plague was very bad all round, and after +a somewhat jungly dinner during which we were very thoughtful and +disinclined for conversation, we sought our mildewed couches, to rise +again at skreich of day and continue our journey, till late on Tuesday +night we got out finally at Baratah station and drove out to our +present camping-ground. The people knew we were coming, and the tents +were up; but they hadn't expected us till the next day, so nothing was +ready, not even a lamp. It was the oddest experience to stumble about +in black darkness in entirely unknown surroundings. You know how +Boggley tumbles over things in the broad light of day, so you can +imagine what tosses he took over dressing-tables and chairs in +the darkness. It didn't last long, however, for an important fat +_khansamah_ hurried in, shocked at our plight, and, explaining that +his sahib, Mr. Lister, was away for a few days, brought us a lamp +and other necessaries. Dinner was not possible under the +circumstances--the box with our forks and knives had not arrived--so +the remains of Mrs. Royle's luncheon-basket coldly furnished forth +our evening meal While we sat there, uncomfortably poised on +dressing-bags, gnawing legs of fowl and hunches of bread, I thought +of you probably dining at the Ritz or the Savoy, with soft lights and +music, and lovely food, and probably not half as merry as Boggley and +I. + +I don't know if I really like a tent to live in. The floor is covered +with straw, and then a carpet is stretched over it, which makes a +particularly bulgy, uneven surface to stand dressing-tables and things +on. The straw, too, is apt to stick out where it is least expected, +and gives one rather the feeling of being a tinker sleeping in a barn. +At night a tent is an awesome place. It is terrible to have no door +to lock, and to be entirely at the mercy of anything that creeps and +crawls; to have only a mosquito-net between you and an awful end. +I woke last night to hear something sniffing outside the tent. It +scraped and scraped, and I was sure that it was digging a hole and +creeping underneath the canvas. I sat up in bed and in a quavering +voice said "Go away," and the noise stopped, but only to begin +again--scrape, scrape, snuffle, snuffle, in the most eerie way. Then +something worse happened. At my very ear, as it seemed, the most +blood-curdling yell rent the astonished air. It was only a jackal, +Boggley says, but it sounded as if all the forces of evil had been let +loose at once. You can laugh if you like, but I think it was enough to +frighten a very Daniel. As for me, in one moment I was well under the +blankets, with fingers in both ears, and I suppose even in the midst +of my terror I must have fallen asleep, for the next thing I knew was +daylight and the cheerful sound of voices. To-night I shall have a +lamp burning and a _chokidar_ (watchman) to sleep outside my tent. + +Baratah is quite a large town, and has a Roman Catholic Mission and +two lady doctors. We are camping about a mile from the town in a +corner of Mr. Lister's compound. It is pretty, with well-kept grass +and flower-beds, and opposite is the Guest House of the Raj, where we +would be staying now were it not that its roof is not quite safe, and +it cannot be used. I went through it, and a great neglected place it +is, with tawdry Early Victorian furniture and awful oleographs. + +When the sun had gone down yesterday, we went for a walk to explore, +along an avenue of peepul trees, across a fine polo-ground, and then +we lighted on a big tank. A tiny native boy was perched on the bank +watching something in the water, so we sat down beside him and watched +too. The something was very large and black, and we were puzzled to +know what it was, till, at a word from the child, it heaved itself out +of the water and revealed itself an elephant. Up it came to where we +were, laid its trunk down so that the small boy could walk up, and off +he went proudly riding on its head. It was the nicest thing to watch I +ever saw. + +We got the home mail the night we arrived here, but couldn't see to +read it till the next morning. So you are back in London--sloppy, +muggy, February London! How you will miss the cold clear North and +all the ice-fun; but you will be so busy finishing the book that +surroundings won't matter much. It seemed quite home-like to see the +familiar address on the note-paper. + +To-day I am going to devote entirely to writing. Surely my book will +make some progress now. How many words should there be in a book? I've +got 18,000 now; "ragged incompetent words" they are, too. I wonder +what makes a writer of books! Would knowing all the words in the +dictionary help me? My statements are so bald, somehow. It doesn't +seem an interesting tale to me, so I'm afraid I can't expect an +unprejudiced reader to find it thrilling. The Mutiny is perhaps too +large a subject for me--though, mind you, there is one bit that sounds +rather well. I have taken great pains with it, and, as Viola said of +her declaration, "'tis poetical!" The worst of it is, when I write +poetically I am never quite sure that I am writing sense. I dare say +I would be wise to take the Moorwife's advice. You remember in _The +Will-o'-the Wisps are in Town_, when the man had listened to the +Moorwife's tale he said, "I might write a book about that, a novel in +twelve volumes, or better, a popular play." + +"Or better still," said the Moorwife, "you might let it alone," + +"Ah," said the man, "that would be pleasanter and easier." + +How true! + + +_Baratah, Thursday, Feb. 28_. + +We are still in Baratah, as you see, and shall be till Tuesday. It +is a very nice life this nomadic existence, and one gets nearer the +people. They come in little groups and talk to Boggley outside his +tent, and I must say he is most patient with them and tries to do +his very best for each one of them. They make my heart ache, these +natives, they are so gentle and so desperately poor. Isn't it Steevens +who says the Indian ryot has been starving for thirty centuries and +sees no reason why he should be filled? + +The Listers are home now and we have been seeing a lot of them. +They are delightful people. Mrs. Lister is quite a girl, and so +good-looking and cheery. She has the prettiest house I think I ever +saw. When we went to call the first time and were shown into the +white-panelled drawing-room with its great open blue-tiled fireplace +and cupboards of blue china, I suppose it was the contrast with our +own rather sordid surroundings, but it seemed to me like fairyland. +The hall is lovely, with a gallery all round and most exquisite +carving; rose-red velvet curtains, Persian rugs glowing with rich, +soft colours, and everywhere great silver bowls of flowers. They are +the most hospitable people, and ask us to dinner every night, and to +every other meal as well. Mr. Lister told me babu stories last night. +Here is one. The Government sent round making inquiries about some +Scandinavians. (Please don't ask why Scandinavians, because I can't +answer.) The Sub-Divisional Officer forwarded the reference to the +different police-stations for report. The babus in charge of these +stations hadn't an idea what Scandinavians were, but would have +scorned to ask. Three of the reports ran thus: + +1. "Honoured Sir, I have the honour to report that the Scandinavian +has been concluded in this district and has been removed to Lahserai." +(Survey and Settlement operations.) + +2. "Sir, I have the honour to report that there has been no +Scandinavians in the district this year, but it is raging furiously at +Rika." (Plague.) + +3. "Sir, I have the honour to report two Scandinavians were seen at +Gopalbung. One was shot by Billie Burke Sahib, the other has not since +returned." (Tigers.) + +That is a good, but somewhat involved, story. Another was about a +missionary who had been eaten by a tiger. The police wired, "A tiger +has man-eaten the Pope of Ramnugger." + +Yesterday the Listers had a duck-shoot. About twenty men came from all +round, and Mrs. Lister and I went with them. We drove two and two to +a very large lake and then set sail in queer native boats punted by +natives. Of course I wanted to go with Boggley, but was sent off with +a strange man, one Major Griffiths, who eyed me with great dislike +because he said my light dress would frighten the birds. It got +frightfully hot with the sun beating on the water, and I simply dared +not put up a sunshade in case of scaring the birds more than I was +already doing, and thereby increasing the wrath of my companion. He +shot a lot of ducks, but evidently not so many as he thought he ought +to shoot, and when he saw the birds all congregated at one corner of +the lake a thought struck him, and he told the natives to take us to +shore. He got out and beckoned me to follow, which I obediently did, +and together we crawled through the jungle, with the _bandar-log_ +chattering above us and--for all I know to the contrary--snakes +hissing beneath our feet. If I stepped, which I could hardly avoid +doing sometimes, on a fallen branch, making it crackle, the man turned +on me a glance so malignant I positively quailed. Breathlessly we +crept to the water-side and the unsuspecting ducks, and then +Major Griffiths fired into the brown,--is that the proper +expression?--killing I don't know how many. I don't think it was at +all a nice thing to do, but my opinion was neither asked nor desired. +Even then my friend was not satisfied, and he voyaged about until I +knew luncheon was long since a thing of the past, and I hated so the +shape of his face I could have screamed. When at last we did return, I +found my surmise as to luncheon had been only too correct, and we had +to content ourselves with scraps. The next duck-shoot I attend I shall +choose as companion a less earnest sportsman. + +The weather is beginning to stoke-up, as Boggley calls it, and during +the day the tent is insufferable. I can sit outside it in the early +morning, but as the sun gets up Autolycus summons the _chuprassis_, +and they carry my table and writing-materials to the verandah of +the Guest House, which has a cool, not to say clammy and tomb-like, +atmosphere. My chief trials are the insects. There is a land of large +black beetle with wings that has a strange habit of poising itself +just above my head and remaining there. Someone told me--who I forget; +anyway, Boggley says it isn't true, but it seems quite likely--that +if these beetles drop on you they _explode_. Did you ever hear of +anything quite so horrible? I keep a wary eye on them and shift my +seat at their approach. + +Not a hundred yards away a heathen temple stands, with its gilded roof +shining in the sun. We tried to go inside it the other day, but an +angel with a flaming sword, in the shape of a _fakir_, kept us out. It +didn't look very attractive. We saw enough when we beheld the post the +poor kids and goats are tied to, all messy and horrid from the last +sacrifice. The priest who forbade us to enter, just to show there was +no ill-feeling, hung wreaths of marigolds round our necks. Boggley, +once we were out of sight, hid his in the ditch, but I, afraid they +might find out and be offended, went about for the rest of the day +decked like any sacrificial goat. + +That we are leading the Simple Life I think you would admit if you saw +us at our meals. I find that food really matters very little. Our cook +is of the jungle jungly. Autolycus is disgusted with him, and does his +best to reform him. _Chota-hazri_ I have alone, as Boggley is away +inspecting before seven o'clock. I emerge from my tent and find a +table before Boggley's tent with a cloth on it,--not particularly +clean,--a loaf of bread (our bread is made in jail: a _chuprassi_ goes +to fetch it every second day), a tin of butter, and a tin of jam. +Autolycus appears accompanied by the jungly cook, bearing a plate of +what under happier circumstances might have been porridge. A spoonful +or two is more than enough. "No good?" demands Autolycus. "No," and +disdainfully handing the plate back to the entirely indifferent cook, +he proceeds to produce from somewhere about his person a teapot and +two tiny eggs. Luncheon is much worse, for the food that appears is +so incalculably greasy that it argues a more than bowing acquaintance +with native _ghee_. Dinner is luncheon intensified, so tea is really +the only thing we can enjoy. The fact is, if we thought about it we +would never eat at all. I happened to walk round the tent to-day, and +found the dish-washer washing our dishes in water that was positively +thick, and drying them with a cloth that had begun life polishing our +brown boots. I stormed at him in English, and later Boggley stormed +at him in Hindustani, and he vowed it would never happen again; but +I dare say if I were to look round at this minute, I should find him +doing exactly the same thing; and I don't really care so long as +neither of us perishes with cholera as a result. + +Such funny things live behind my tent! What should I find the other +day but a little native baby--about two or three years old. It seems +his mother is dead, and his father, who is our _chokidar_, has to take +him with him wherever he goes. He is the oddest little figure, clothed +in a most inadequate shirt, and a string round his neck with a shell +attached to keep away evil spirits. His hair is closely shaved except +for one upstanding tuft which is left to pull him up to heaven with; +and his face looks nothing but two great twinkling eyes. He squats +beside me nearly all day, and eagerly eats anything I give him, like a +little puppy dog. Toffee and fancy biscuits, both of which I possess +in abundance, are his favourites. An old servant of Boggley's is with +a sahib near here, and he arrived dressed in spotless white from +head to foot, bearing in one hand a large seed cake wreathed with +marigolds, and in the other a plate of toffee coloured pink, green, +and yellow, an offering to the Miss Sahib which he presented with many +salaams, and of which my little Hindoo gets the benefit. Autolycus and +the _chuprassis_ take a great interest in teaching him manners. When +I hold out a biscuit Autolycus says sternly, "Say salaam to the Miss +Sahib," and the baby puts his small hand gravely to his forehead, +bowing low with a "Talaam, Mees Tahib," then snaps up the prize. +I shall miss my little companion. I wonder what will become of +him--little brown heir of the ages. Already he can lisp to idols, but +he has never even heard of the Christ who said, "Suffer the children." + + +_March 3_. + +I shall finish this and post it to-morrow before we leave. We have +been to church to-night, the most unusual occurrence with us nowadays. +Of course it was only an English church (I remember the time when I +thought it very exciting and more than a little wicked to be present +at a Church of England service) and the padre was a very little young +padre, and rather depressing. He insisted so that we were but a +passing vapour that I began to feel it was only too horribly true, and +Boggley, who had partaken largely of tinned cheese at luncheon and was +feeling far from well, grew every moment more yellow and green. + +The Listers asked us to go back with them to dinner, but we thought it +better (Boggley especially) to seek the seclusion of our tents. + + +_Manpur, March 9_. + +Now we are in a different place. At least it has a different name and +is a day's journey from Bantale, but it looks exactly the same. We +left Baratah yesterday morning and got in and out of trains all day +until about seven in the evening we got out finally at Manpur. I had +a dreadful cold, and was sniffy and inclined to be cross; so when +Boggley suggested we should dine in the waiting-room while Autolycus +and the _chuprassis_ went on with the luggage to acquaint the +dâk-bungalow people of our arrival, I upbraided him for not making +proper arrangements, and reviled the meagre repast, and was altogether +very unpleasant. When we reached our destination we found Autolycus +prancing distractedly. "This," he said to Boggley, "is what comes of +making no bundabust." Some other people were already occupying the +bungalow, and we could only get the back rooms, small, mouldy, and +inconvenient. Poor Boggley looked so crushed I had to laugh, and we +calmed the worried Autolycus, who hates to see his Sahib shoved into +corners, and, there being no inducement to remain up--went to bed. + +Manpur is a fairly big station--the sort of place you read about in +Anglo-Indian novels. There are six households and a club. Boggley +and I called on all the six this evening, and then went to the club. +Everyone meets there in the evening to see the picture-papers and to +play tennis and bridge. + +It is rather a bored little community, Manpur. I think they are all +pretty sick of each other, and one can't wonder. Even an Archangel +would pall if one met him at tea, played tennis with him, and sat next +him at dinner almost every day of the year; how much more poor human +beings--and Anglo-Indian human beings at that. Taken separately +they are delightful, but each assures us that the others are quite +impossible. They unite in being shocked at our living in such +discomfort, and have all invited us to stay; but it isn't worth while +to change our quarters. Besides, we are going away for the week-end to +some friend of Boggley's who lives about thirty miles from here. + +A nice little young civilian is at present calling on us. He came to +pay his duty call, and he and Boggley became so deep in Oxford talk, +and found so many mutual friends, that we asked him to stay to dinner. +Autolycus told me in a stage whisper that the Sahib could easily stay +as the dâk-bungalow cook was very good, and that we would get quite a +Calcutta dinner. His pride, as he bore in the dishes, was beautiful to +see; and it was a good dinner, though rather tinny. + + +_Manpur, Thursday 12th_. + +This delayed letter must be posted before we leave by the night train +for our next trek. We came back late last night from Misanpore after a +nice but very queer time. On Saturday, when, after a long dusty +drive of eight miles from the station, we arrived at the bungalow +of Boggley's friend, there was every evidence that no visitors were +expected. Just think! Boggley had never let him know we were coming; +the poor man was ignorant of the fearful joy in store for him. + +I gripped Boggley by the arm. "Wretch," I hissed in his ear. "Why +didn't you write? What sort of man is he? Will he hate having me?" + +"_Qui hai_?" bellowed Boggley to the deserted-looking bungalow. Then, +turning to me, "Oh yes, he'll hate it," he said calmly; "but he'll be +pleased afterwards." I could have shaken him. Making me play the part +of a visit to the dentist! + +When our host appeared, very dishevelled (it turned out that he was +feeling far from well and had been lying down), and beheld me, dismay +was written large on his countenance. He glared round in a hunted +way, and it looked as if he were going to make a bolt for it; but he +remembered in time his manhood, and faced me. (His name is Ferris, and +he is tall and bald, and about forty, and so shy that when he blushes +his eyes water.) Somehow, we all got inside the house, and Boggley and +I sat in the drawing-room while Mr. Ferris rushed out to summon his +minions and make arrangements. We heard a whispered discussion going +on about sheets, and I longed to tell my distracted host that I had +all my bedding with me in a strap; but the thought that he might +consider me "ondelicate," like Mr. Glegg, deterred me. Presently I was +shown into what, only too evidently, was our host's own room, for a +servant snatched away some last remaining effects of his master--a +spatter-brush and a slipper--as I entered. I sat down on the bed and +pondered over what I would have felt had I been a man, and shy, and +seedy, and a strange female had been suddenly shot into my peaceful +home. + +It was rather a difficult week-end. I have met men who were difficult +to talk to, but never one like Mr. Ferris, who, while willing, indeed +anxious, to be agreeable, so absolutely annihilated conversation. It +wasn't till dinner on Sunday night that I discovered a subject that +really interested him--London restaurants. He grew quite animated as +we discussed the relative merits of the Ritz, the Carlton, the Savoy, +the Dieudonné. I think that long, thin, bald, gentle bachelor +spends all his spare moments--and he must have many in lonely +Misanpore--thinking about his next leave and the feasts he will then +enjoy. Yet the odd thing is he isn't greedy about food. I think it +must be more the lights and music and people that attract him. + +Mr. Ferris and Boggley were away all Sunday, and I spent the whole day +with a volume of Dana Gibson's drawings, the only book I could find. +I did go for a short walk, but the dust was nearly knee-deep, and, +except the little bungalow and outhouses, there was absolutely nothing +to see. + +Yesterday again Boggley had to go and inspect some place, so it was +decided he would bicycle there, and then pick me up at some station we +had to change at on our way to Manpur. I drove to the station in Mr. +Ferris's little dogcart--alone. Mr. Ferris said he was so sorry he had +an engagement, but I think myself it was simply that he couldn't face +the eight miles alone with me. + +The groom, instead of sitting behind, ran behind; and as the pony was +fresh he had to run pretty fast. There were two roads--a _pukka_ or +made road, and a _cutcha_ road, on which the natives walked and drove +their _ekkas_. + +Autolycus and the _chuprassis_ were waiting at the station, and put +me into a carriage. They went straight on to Manpur with the luggage +instead of waiting at the station where we changed trains. It was ten +o'clock when I got out of the train, and Boggley had said he would be +no later than half-past eleven; then we would have luncheon, and get +the one o'clock train to Manpur. I went into the refreshment-room to +ask what we could have for luncheon, + +"Ham and eggs," said the fat babu promptly. + +"Nothing else?" I asked. + +"Yes," said the babu; "mixed biscuits." + +"Oh," I said, surprised. + +"Certainlee," said the babu. + +Then I went outside to read a book and watch for Boggley. My book was +one of those American novels where every woman is--to judge from the +illustrations--of more than earthly beauty. I got so disheartened +after a little when everyone I met had a complexion of rose and snow +(besides, I didn't believe it) that I shut it up. I found it was +nearly twelve o'clock, and Boggley hadn't arrived. I waited another +quarter of an hour, and then went in and ate some ham and eggs. One +o'clock, and the train came and went, but still no trace of the +laggard. Outside the station the blinding white road lay empty. +Nothing stirred, not even a native was visible; the whole world seemed +asleep in the heat. A pile of trunks lay on the platform addressed to +somewhere in Devonshire and labelled _Not wanted on the Voyage_. Some +happy people were going home. A far cry it seemed from this dusty land +to green Devonshire. I sat on the largest trunk and thought about it. +Two o'clock, three, four--the hours went past. I felt myself becoming +exactly like a native, sitting with my hands folded, looking straight +before me. If I hadn't been so anxious I shouldn't have minded the +waiting at all. Now and again I refreshed myself with a peep at the +babu, just to assure myself that I wasn't the only person left alive +in the world. + +About five o'clock Boggley and his bicycle strolled into the station. +I had meant to be frightfully cross with him when he appeared--that is +to say, if he weren't wounded or disabled in any way--but somehow I +never can be very cross when I see him, the way he wrinkles up his +short-sighted eyes is so disarming. + +He had absolutely no excuse except that he had run across old friends, +and they had persuaded him to stay to lunch, and then they had got +talking, and so on and so on. He was very repentant, but inclined to +laugh. I expect really he had forgotten for the time he had a sister. +He confessed he hadn't mentioned my existence till he was leaving, and +then, he said, "They did seem rather surprised." I should think so +indeed! + +Our home mail was waiting us at Manpur and another "Calcutta" dinner. +Your letter, my faithful friend, was more than usually charming and +kind--a balm to my lacerated feelings! If you don't get a letter next +mail after this it will mean either that we are entirely out of the +reach of post offices, or that a tiger has eaten the dâk-runner. + + +_Chota Haganpore, March 25_. + +... a whole fortnight since I wrote last, and our tour is almost over. +On Wednesday we go back to Calcutta, and in April I sail for home. The +time has simply rushed past. This last fortnight has been a time of +pure delight; I have been too absorbed in enjoying myself to write. + +First, we stayed two days in a town where Boggley had to open some +sort of building. The natives met us with a band, and there were +decorations and mottoes and crowds. In the evening a dramatic +entertainment took place for our amusement--_Julius Caesar_ acted +by schoolboys. Mark Anthony wore a _dhoti_, a Norfolk jacket, and a +bowler hat. In the middle of "Friends, Romans, Countrymen," the bowler +fell off. Still declaiming, he picked it up with his toes, caught it +with his hand, and gravely put it on again--very much on one side. I +envied the "mob" their serene calm of countenance. Boggley and I made +horrible faces in our efforts to preserve our gravity. + +The next day Boggley played in a football match with these same boys. +One got a kick on the shin, and limping up to Boggley said, "Sir, I am +wounded; I cannot play," whereupon another ran up to the wounded +one, crying, "Courage, brother. Tis a Nelson's death." Great dears I +thought they were. + +Since then we have been through dry places, and camped in desolate +places, hardly ever seeing a European, and enjoying ourselves +extremely. One day, a red-letter day, Boggley shot two crocodiles. +One was a fish-eater, but the other was a great old _mugger_, most +loathsome to look at. Autolycus hoped for _human limbs_ inside it, and +I believe they did actually find relics of his gruesome meals in the +shape of anklets and rings and bangles. Boggley is going to have the +skins made up into things for me, but it will take about six months to +cure them. It is good to think there is one _mugger_ the less. I hate +the nasty treacherous beasts. Pretending they are logs, and then +eating the poor natives! + +One night we had a delightful camping-ground on the edge of a lochan +well stocked with duck, which Boggley set out to shoot and ended by +missing gloriously. We were much embarrassed by a fat old landowner +heaping presents on us. He nearly wept when we refused to accept a +goat! + +All the fortnight we have only met two Europeans--a couple called +Martin. I don't know quite what they were, or why they were holding up +the flag of empire in this lonely outpost, but they were the greyest +people I ever saw. + +Finding ourselves in the neighbourhood of Europeans, we called, as in +duty bound. The compound round the bungalow had a dreary look, and +when we were shown into the drawing-room I could see at a glance it +was a room that no one took any interest in. The rugs on the floor +were rumpled, the cushions soiled; photographs stood about in broken +frames, and the flowers were dying in their glasses. When Mrs. Martin +came in, I wasn't surprised at her room. A long grey face, lack-lustre +eyes, greyish hair rolled up anyhow, and greyish clothes with a hiatus +between the bodice and skirt. "This," said I to myself, "is a woman +who has lost interest in herself and her surroundings," Her husband +was small and bleached-looking and, given encouragement, inclined to +be jokesome; sometimes (by accident) he was funny. Mrs. Martin paid +very little attention to us, and none whatever to her husband's jokes. +I laughed loudly. I thought it was so persevering of him to go on +trying to be funny when he was married to such a depressing woman. As +we got up to go I noticed in a corner a child's chair with a little +chintz cover, and seated in it a smiling china doll lacking one arm +and a leg. + +I could hardly wait till I was outside to tell Boggley what I thought +of Mrs. Martin and her house. "The hopeless, untidy creature!" I +raved. "She doesn't deserve to have such a little cheery husband or +children." + +The only thing I don't like about Boggley is that he never will help +me to abuse people. + +"Poor woman," he said; "she's pretty bad." Then he told me her story +as he had heard it. + +Ten years ago, it seems, she was quite a cheery managing woman, with +two little girls whom she worshipped; she and her husband lived +for the children. They were just going to take them home when they +sickened with some ailment. Mr. Martin at the time was prostrate after +a bad attack of fever. There was no doctor within thirty miles. One +child died, and the mother started with the other on the long drive to +the nearest doctor. The last ten miles it was a dead child she held in +her arms. + +When Boggley finished I was silent, remembering the little +chintz-covered chair--empty but for a broken doll. + +Now that I have tasted the joys of solitude I don't see how I am to +enjoy living in a crowd again. I am practically alone all day, for +Boggley has long distances to ride and bicycle--and I never was so +happy in my life, I write, and I read, and I fold my hands in newly +acquired Oriental calm (which my bustling, busy little mother most +certainly won't admire), and sit looking before me for hours. + +The books lent me by various people are all read long ago, and I have +gone back to those that are always with me. + +They are all before me as I write. The little fat green one at the end +of the row is Lamb's _Essays of Elia_: he so well fits some moods, and +certain minutes of the day, that gentle writer. Next is my _Pilgrim's +Progress_, the one I have had since my tenth birthday. Father gave +each of us a copy when we reached the mature age of ten. It was only +on high days and holy-days that we were allowed to look at his +own treasured copy, which stayed behind glass doors in the corner +book-case. The illustrations, I know now, were very fine, and even +then we found them wonderful. Then comes my little old Bible. I +coveted it for years before I got it because it had pages like +five-pound notes; I value it now for other reasons. Next the Bible +is Q's _Anthology of English Verse_, its brave leather cover rather +impaired by the fact that for two mornings Boggley, having mislaid his +strop, has stropped his razor on it. Lastly comes my Shakespeare. + +Sometimes in a night-marish moment I wonder what the world would have +been like had there been no Shakespeare. Suppose we had never known +Falstaff, never heard the Clown sing "O Mistress Mine," never laughed +with Beatrice nor masqueraded with Rosalind, never thrilled when +Cleopatra "again for Cydnos to meet Mark Antony" cries "Give me my +robe, put on my crown; I have immortal longings in me." + +What would we do when surfeited with the company of those around us if +we couldn't creep away and pass for a little while into the company +of those immortals? What does it matter how tiresome and complacent +people are when I am Orsino inviting the Clown to sing words the utter +beauty of which bring the tears to my eyes: + + "O fellow, come, the song we had last night: + Mark it, Cesario; it is old and plain: + The spinsters and the knitters in the sun, + And the free maids that weave their thread with bones, + Do use to chant it; it is silly sooth, + And dallies with the innocence of love, + Like the old age." + +One never comes to the end of the beauty. Only to-day, while I was +browsing for a few minutes in a comedy I have not much acquaintance +with, I happened on these lines, which I am going to write down merely +for the pleasure of writing them: + +"I am a woodland fellow, sir, that always loved a great fire, and the +master I speak of ever keeps a good fire. I am for the house with the +narrow gate, which I take to be too little for pomp to enter: some +that humble themselves may, but the many will be too chill and tender, +and they'll be for the flowery way that leads to the broad gate and +the great fire." + +A very pleasant thing about our present solitude is that one can read +aloud or speak to oneself without risk of being thought demented. The +fact is, the inhabitants of the little village on the outskirts of +which we are camping regard us as so hopelessly and utterly mad +already that no further display of eccentricity on our part could make +any difference. + +Even in the jungle there are servant troubles. Our cook, finding, I +expect, this life too uneventful, intimated that his father was dying, +and left last night. We thought we should have to go without dinner, +but Autolycus, stepping gallantly into the breach said No, he would +cook it; he had often cooked while with Colonel-M'Greegor-Sahib. The +next we saw was a hen flying wildly, pursued by Autolycus, and in +about half an hour it appeared on the table, its legs--still rather +feathery--sticking protestingly from the dish. That was all there was +for dinner except two breakfast-cups of muddy coffee. + + +... The dâk came in a little while ago with the. English mail. I have +just finished reading your letter. I think I know what you must feel +about your book. It is sad to come to the end of a long and pleasant +task--something finished you won't do again; a page of life closed. +I know. It scares me, too, how quickly things come to an end. We are +hurrying on so, the years pass so quickly, that even a long life is a +terribly short darg. Life is such a happy thing, one would like it to +last. I was twenty-six yesterday, and if my soul were to say to me +now, "_Finish, good lady, the bright day is over_," I would be most +dreadfully sorry (and I would expect everyone else to be dreadfully +sorry too; I'm afraid I would insist on a great moaning at the bar +when I put out to sea); but I would have to admit that I have had a +good time--a good, good time. + +But I don't agree with you about the darkness of what comes after. How +can it be dark when the Sun of Righteousness has arisen? I suppose +it must be very difficult for clever people to believe, the wise and +prudent who demand a reason for everything; but Christ said that in +this the foolish things of the world would confound the wise. I am +glad He said that. I am glad that sometimes the battle is to the weak. +At the crossing, "I sink," cried Christian, the strong man, "I sink in +deep waters," but Much-Afraid went through the river singing, though +none could understand what she said. I don't know that I could give +you a reason for the hope that is in me (I speak as one of the +"foolish things"), but this I know, that if we hold fast to the +substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen, +looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, then, when +the end comes, we shall be able to lay our heads down like children +saying, _This night when I lie down to sleep_, in the sure and certain +hope that when, having done with houses made with hands, we wake up +in the House of Many Mansions, it will be what John Bunyan calls a +"sunshine morning." + +I shall have to stop writing, though lecturing you is a fascinating +pastime, for the day is almost done, and Boggley will soon be home. + +Autolycus, looking very worried, is busied with the task of preparing +the evening meal. One of the _chuprassis_, his gaudy uniform laid +aside, and clad in a fragment of cotton, is sluicing himself with +water and praying audibly. The _dhobi_ is beating our clothes white on +stones in the tank. In the village the women are grinding corn; the +oxen are drawing water from the well. The wood-smoke hangs in wisps on +the hot air, and the song of the boys bringing home the cattle comes +to me distinctly in the stillness. The sunset colours are fading into +the deep blue of the Indian night, and the faithful are being called +to prayer. + +At home they are burning the whins on the hillsides, and the Loch o' +the Lowes lies steel-grey under the March sky. + + + + +THE LAND OF REGRETS + + + + +_Calcutta, April 1 (Monday_). + +... The flesh-pots of Calcutta are wonderfully pleasant after jungly +fare, and there is something rather nice about a big airy bedroom with +a bathroom to correspond, hot water at will, and an _ayah_ to look +after one's clothes, after the cramped space of a tent, a zinc bath +wiggling on an uneven floor, and Autolycus fumbling vaguely among +one's belongings. I am staying with G. in her sister's, Mrs. +Townley's, very charming house. Boggley had to go off at once on +another short tour, and I was only too pleased to come to this most +comfortable habitation. It is nice to be with G. again, and she has +lots to tell me about her doings--dances, garden-parties, picnics--all +of which she has enjoyed thoroughly. All the same, I would rather have +had my jungle experiences. She and her sister and brother-in-law laugh +greatly at my tales. They regard me as an immense joke, I don't know +why. I think myself I am rather a sensible, serious sort of person. + +Mrs. Townley is the kindest woman. She has such a delightful way +of making you feel that you are doing her the greatest favour by +accepting her hospitality. I am not the only guest. A member of a +nursing sisterhood--Sister Anna Margaret--is resting here for a few +days. She wears clothes quite like a nun, but she is the cheeriest +soul, with such contented eyes. She might be a girl, from the interest +she takes in our doings and the way she laughs at our well-meant but +not very witty fun. + +Calcutta is very hot. The punkahs go all day--not the flapping kind of +Mofussil punkahs, but things like bits of windmills fastened to poles. +I never like to sit or sleep exactly underneath one, they look so +insecure; besides, they make one so untidy. At a dinner-party it is +really dreadful to have the things flap-flapping above one's carefully +done hair. My hair needs no encouragement to get untidy, and I have +quite an Ophelia-like air before we get to the fish. It is too hot to +go out much except very early in the morning and again after tea. We +read and write and work till luncheon, then go to bed and try to sleep +till tea-time. We waken hot and very cross, and it is the horridest +thing to get up and get into a dress that seems to fasten with +millions of hooks and buttons. My old Bella is back with me, but she +has found a mistress whose temper has shortened as the temperature has +risen. Yesterday she fumbled so fastening my dress that I jumped round +on her, stamped my foot, and said, "Bella, I shall slap you in a +minute," She replied in such a reproving tone, "Oh! Missee Baba." Tea +makes one feel better, and then there is tennis and a drive in the +cool of the evening. + +Mosquitoes are a great trial. They don't worry so much through the +day, but at night--at night, when one with infinite care has examined +the inside of the mosquito-curtains to make sure none are lurking, and +then, satisfied, has dived into bed and tucked the curtain carefully +round, and is just going off to sleep--buzz-z-z sounds the hateful +thing, and all hope of a quiet night is gone. The other night I woke +and found G. springing all over her bed like a kangaroo. At first I +thought she had gone mad, dog-like, with the heat, but it turned out +she was only stalking a mosquito. + +Yesterday we all went--Mrs. Townley, Sister Anna Margaret, G., and +I--to the Calcutta Zoo. We fed the monkeys with buns, watched the +loathly little snakes crawl among the grass in their cages, and then +G. began gratuitously to insult a large fierce tiger by poking at it +with her sunshade. + +It wasn't a kind thing to do, for it is surely bad enough to be caged +without having a sunshade poked at one, and evidently the tiger +thought so, for it lashed its tail and its roars shook the cage. We +went home, and retribution followed swift and sure. + +The first floor of the house consists of the drawing-room and two +enormous bedrooms, one opening into the other, and both opening by +several windows on to the verandah. Sister Anna Margaret is in one, +G. and I in the other. We have two beds, but they are drawn close +together and covered by a mosquito-curtain. Last night we went to bed +in our usual gay spirits and fell asleep. It seemed to me that we were +in the Zoo again and the tiger was fiercer than ever. It hit the bars +with its great paw, and to my horror I saw that the bars were giving. +I ran, but it was too late. The beast was out of the cage and coming +after me with great bounds. My legs went round in circles and made no +progress, as legs do in dreams; the tiger sprang--and I woke. At +first I lay quiet, too thankful to find myself in bed to think about +anything else; then I sniffed. + +"Olivia?" said G. "Do you notice it?" + +"What?" I asked. + +"That awful smell of Zoo." + +Of course that was it. I had been wondering what was the curious +smell. My first thought--an awful one--was that the tiger had actually +broken loose, tracked us home, and was now under the bed waiting to +devour us. There was nothing to hinder it but a mosquito-curtain! How +I accomplished it, paralysed as I was with terror, I know not, but I +took a flying leap and landed on G., hitting her nose with my head and +clutching wildly at her brawny arms, much developed with tennis, as my +only refuge. + +She was too terrified to resent my intrusion. + +"What do you think it is?" she whispered. "Hu-s-h, speak low. Perhaps +it doesn't know there's anyone in the room." + +"It's the tiger from the Zoo," I hissed with conviction. + +G. started visibly. "Rubbish," she said. "A tiger wouldn't get into a +house. Ah--oh, listen!" + +Distinctly we heard the fud of four feet going round the bed. + +"Cry for help," said G. + +"Sister!" we yelled together. + +"Sister Anna!" + +"Sister Anna Margaret!" + +No answer. Sister Anna Margaret slept well. + +"Sister!" said G, bitterly. "She's no sister in adversity." + +"Get up, G.," I said encouragingly. "Get up and turn on the light. +Perhaps it isn't a tiger, perhaps it's only a musk rat." + +G. refused with some curtness. "Get up yourself," she added. + +Again we shouted for Sister, with no result. + +You have no idea how horrible it was to lie there in the darkness and +listen to movements made by we knew not what. We felt bitterly towards +Sister Anna, never thinking of what her feelings would be if she came +confidingly to our help and was confronted by some fearsome animal. + +"If only," said G., "we knew what time it was and when it will be +light. I can't _live_ like this long. Let go my arm, can't you?" + +"I daren't," I said. "You're all I've got to hold on to." + +We lay and listened, and we lay and listened, but the padding +footsteps didn't come back; and then I suppose we must have fallen +asleep, for the next thing we knew was that the _ayahs_ were standing +beside us with tea, and the miserable night was past. + +G. and I looked at each other rather shamefacedly. + +"Did we dream it?" I asked, + +G. was rubbing her arm where I had gripped it. + +"I didn't dream this, anyway," she said; "it's black and blue." + +At breakfast we knew the bitterness of having our word doubted; no one +believed our report. They laughed at us and said we had dreamt it, or +that we had heard a mouse, and became so offensive in their unbelief +that G. and I rose from the table in a dignified way, and went out to +walk in the compound. + +We are very busy collecting things to take home with us. (Did I +tell you G.'s berth had been booked in the ship I sail in--the +_Socotra_--it sails about the 23rd?) The _chicon-wallah_ came this +morning and spread his wares on the verandah floor--white rugs from +Kashmir, embroidered gaily in red and green and blue; tinsel mats and +table centres; pieces of soft bright silk; dainty white sewed work. +We could hardly be dragged from the absorbing sight to the +luncheon-table. + +The Townleys never change their servants, and now three generations +serve together. The old _kitmutgar_ is the grandfather and trains +his grandsons in the way which they should go. To-day at luncheon +(fortunately we were alone), one of them made a mistake in handing a +dish, whereupon his grandfather gave him a resounding box on the ears, +knocking off his turban. Instead of going out of the room, the boy +went on handing me pudding, sobbing loudly the while, and with tears +running down his face. It was very embarrassing, and none of us had +enough Hindustani to rebuke the too-stern grandparent. + + +_Later_. + +This afternoon, when we were having tea in the garden and enjoying +Peliti's chocolate-cake, a great outcry arose from the house, and we +saw the servants running and looking up to the verandah. Mr. Townley +called out to know what was the matter, and received such a confused +jumble of Hindustani in reply that he went to investigate. He came +back shrugging his shoulders. "It's some nonsense about a 'spirit,' +They say it's been appearing suddenly, then disappearing for some +time. Now the _chokra_ swears he saw it go up the verandah into a +bedroom. To satisfy them, I have sent for my gun, and I'll wait below +while they drive the 'spirit' down." + +"It's our midnight visitor," G. and I cried together. + +We waited, breathless. The servants rushed on to the verandah with +sticks--a dark streak slid down the verandah pillar--Mr. Townley +fired. It wasn't a tiger, it was a civet cat--a thing rather like a +fox, with a long pointed nose and an uncommonly nasty smell. + +"Think," said G., as we looked at it lying stretched out +stiff,--"think of having that thing under our bed! A mouse indeed!" + +We didn't say "I told you so," but we looked it. + +Boggley comes back to-morrow, and I am going with him to the Grand +Hotel, so that we shall be together for the last little while. + + +_Agra, April 11_. + +... from a chapter in the _Arabian Nights_; from the middle of the +most gorgeous fairy-tale the mind of man could invent, I write to you +to-night. + +Often I have heard of the Taj Mahal, read of its beauty, dreamed of +its magic, but never in my dreams did I imagine anything so exquisite, +so perfect. + +Boggley thought I should not leave India without seeing this "miracle +of miracles--the final wonder of the world," so we left Calcutta on +Monday night by the Punjab mail and came to Agra, and we have done +it all in proper order. Yesterday, in the morning, we motored to +the deserted city, the capital of Akbar, the greatest of the Mogul +emperors, about twenty miles off. It has battlemented walls and great +gates like a fairy-tale city. The bazaar part of it is mostly in +ruins, but the royal part is perfectly preserved and could be lived in +comfortably now. There is Akbar's Council Chamber, the houses of his +wives, the courtyard where they played living chess, the stables, +waterworks, the palaces of his chief ministers, the mosque and +cloisters, the Gate of Victory. The carving in marble and red +sandstone is wonderful. Akbar must have been a broad-minded man, for +we found paintings of the Annunciation side by side with pictures of +the Hindu god Ganesh. It is intensely interesting to see the place +just as it was hundreds of years ago. In the great Mosque Quadrangle +there is a marble mausoleum, delicately carved, a priceless piece of +work in mother-of-pearl, erected to Akbar's high priest; and our guide +was his lineal descendant, glad to get five rupees for his trouble! + +We lunched in the Government bungalow, a comfortable place, not +glaringly out of keeping with the surroundings, and then motored to +Akbar's tomb--another piece of colossal magnificence. I was awed by +it. Out of the glaring sunshine we went down a long dark passage to a +great vault, where the air was cold with the coldness of death. It +was completely dark except for one ray of light falling on the plain +marble tomb. An old Mohammedan crooned eerily, impressively, a lament +which echoed round and round the vault. The Mohammedans and the Scots +have a similar passion for deaths and funerals! + +Lastly, in its fitting order, we drove to the Taj Mahal. + +You know the story? I have just been reading about it in Steevens's +book. You know how Shah Jehan, grandson of Akbar, first Mogul Emperor +of Hindustan, loved and married the beautiful Persian Arjmand +Banu,--called Mumtaz-i-Mahal,--and when she died he, in his grief, +swore that she should have the loveliest tomb the world ever beheld, +and for seventeen years he built the Taj Mahal? You know how after +thirty years his son rose up and dethroned him, and kept him a close +prisoner for seven years in the Gem Mosque, where his daughter +Jehanara attended him and would not leave him. When grown very feeble, +he begged to be laid where he could see the Taj Mahal; and, the +request being granted, you know how he died with his face towards +the tomb of the beautiful Persian, "whose palankeen followed all his +campaigns in the days when Empire was still a-winning, whose +children called him father--Arjmand Banu, silent and unseen now for +four-and-thirty years, the wife of his youth." + +Such a passionate old story! Such a marvellous love-memorial! Shah +Jehan--Mumtaz-i-Mahal--Grape Garden--Golden Pavilion--Jasmine Tower. +As G.W. Steevens says, there is dizzy-magic in the very names. I am +no more capable of describing it than I would have been capable of +building it; you must see it for yourself. It alone is worth coming to +India to see. + +Leaving the Taj Mahal dazed and dizzy with beauty, I was hailed by a +voice that sounded familiar, and turning round I saw--an incongruous +figure in that Arabian Nights garden--our old friend of the _Scotia_, +the Rocking Horse Fly. She had another female with her, and Mr. Brand, +the funny man who asked conundrums. I'm afraid my eyes had asked what +he was doing in this galley, for he hastily said that he had only +arrived in Agra that morning, and found our _Scotia_ acquaintance at +the hotel. I introduced Boggley, and we stood uncomfortably about, +while the Rocking Horse Fly waxed sentimental over our meeting. + +"Isn't it odd," she said, "that we should all meet and just part +again?" + +I thought it would have been much odder (and how infinitely horrible!) +if we had all met and never parted. As it happened, we weren't allowed +to part with her as soon as we could have wished. She discovered we +were staying at the same hotel, so we had to dine together, and she +talked the Taj all through dinner, spattering it with adjectives, +while Boggley grunted at intervals. It was refreshing to see Mr. Brand +again. He seems to be enjoying India vastly, and had three quite new +stories, though if he didn't laugh so much telling them it would be +easier to see the point. Boggley and he loved each other at once. +After dinner, when the men were smoking, the Rocking Horse Fly began +to get arch--don't you hate people when they are arch?--and said +surely I was never going home without capturing some heart. I replied +stoutly and truthfully that I was. + +"Naughty girl!" said the R.H.F. "You haven't made the most of your +opportunities. Don't you know what they call girls who come out for +the cold weather?" + +I said I didn't. + +"They are called 'The Fishing Fleet,'" she said sweetly. + +I said "Oh," because I didn't know what else to say, feeling as I did +so remiss. + +I have heard--Mr. Townley told me--that long ago when a ship from +England arrived in the Hoogly a cannon was fired, and all the gay +bachelors left their offices and went to the docks to appraise the new +arrivals. A ball was given on board on the night of arrival, and many +of the girls were engaged before they left the ship. I don't object to +that. It was a fine, sincere way of doing things; but why the subject +of marriage should be made an occasion for archness, for sly looks, +for--in extreme cases--nudgings, passes my comprehension. + +The R.H.F. has a way of making common any subject she touches--even +the Taj and marriage--so I thought I would go to bed. As I said +goodnight I regarded attentively the friend, wondering much how anyone +could, of choice, accompany the R.H.F. in her journeyings. She is a +very silent person, large and fat and about forty, and her eyes are +small out of all proportion to her face, but they twinkled at me +in such an understanding way that I, generally so chary of offering +embraces, went up to kiss her. She is kind, but so large that being +kissed by her is almost as destroying as being in a railway accident! + +Do I ignore what you say in your letter? You see, it is rather +difficult. Writing to a friend in a far country is like shouting +through a speaking-tube to the moon, and one can't shout very intimate +things, can one? + +Let us be sensible. Don't be angry, but are you quite sure you really +care, and is it wise to care? We are so very different. You are so +very English, and I, in spite of a pink and fluffy exterior, am at +heart as bitter and dour and prejudiced as any Covenanter that ever +whined a psalm. My mind could never have anything but a Scots accent. +You are reserved, and rather cold; I am expansive to a fault. You are +terrifyingly clever; my intelligence is of the feeblest. You have a +refined sense of humour; the poorest, most obvious joke is good enough +for me. But this is only talk. I don't know that I am "in love,"--I +don't like the expression anyway,--but this I know, that if you were +not in the world it would be an unpeopled waste to me. The place you +happen to be in is where all interest centres. Every minute of the +time as I go through my days, laughing, talking, enjoying myself +vastly, away at the back of my mind the thought of you lies "hidden +yet bright," making for me a new heaven and a new earth. Is this +caring? Is this what you want to hear me say? I can't write what I +would like, I can't weave pretty things, I can only speak straight on, +but oh, my dear, I am so glad that in this big, confusing world we +have found each other. Poor Rocking Horse Fly! poor fat friend! how +dull for them, how dull for all the rest of the people in the world +not to have a _you_! + +I am not going to write any more, not because I haven't lots to say, +but because writing much or talking much about a thing--being queer +and Scots, it is hard for me to say love--seems somehow to cheapen it, +profane it. + + +I have opened this just to say again, My dear, my dear! + + +_Calcutta, April 21_. + +... only three more days in India, and I don't know whether I am +horribly sorry to go or profoundly relieved to get away. There is no +doubt it is a sudden and dangerous country. Three people we knew have +died suddenly of cholera, and two others have had bombs thrown at +them. I shall be thankful to find myself safely on board the steamer, +but even if I escape I am leaving Boggley in the midst of these +perils. Not that he lets the thought of them vex his soul. You learn, +he says, to look upon death in a different way in India, but I am sure +I never could learn to regard with equanimity the thought of being +quite well one day and being hurried away to the Circular Road +Cemetery early the next. It is sad to die in a foreign land, and it is +somehow specially sad, at least I think so, for a home-loving Scot to +lie away from home. + + "Tell me not the good and wise + Care not where their dust reposes. + That to him who sleeping lies + Desert rocks shall seem as roses. + I've been happy above ground, + I could ne'er be happy under, + Out of Teviot's gentle sound. + Part us, then, not far asunder." + +Yesterday I saw a pathetic sight. A couple in a _tikka-gharry_; the +man a soldier, a Gordon Highlander, and on the front seat a tiny +coffin. The man's arm was round the woman's shoulder, and she was +crying bitterly. A bit of shabby crape was tied round her hat, and she +carried a sad little wreath. + +Since coming back from Agra we have stayed at the Grand Hotel. It is a +comfortable, airy place, wonderfully pleasant in the morning when we +sit at a little table in the verandah looking out on the Maidan, and +flat-faced hill-waiters bring us an excellent breakfast. Our own +servants are with us--Autolycus and Bella. When we arrived very early +in the morning and the coolies were carrying up our luggage, a servant +sleeping outside his master's door held up his hand for quietness, +saying something quite gently about not waking his master, "Beat him," +said Autolycus to the coolies quite without heat, as he hurried on. + +The air gets hotter, and everything looks more and more tired every +day. Even proud-pied April dressed in all its trim can't put a spirit +of youth into anything. + +But these last days in Calcutta, in spite of fears and heat, are very +pleasant. I don't know how I could have said the Calcutta women were +horrid! Now that I am going to leave them they seem so kind and +attractive. Every minute of my time is filled up with river-picnics, +garden-parties, tennis tournaments, dinners and theatre parties; and +my mornings are spent with G. raking in queer shops for curiosities. +I am insatiable for things to take home, and Autolycus has packed and +roped three large wooden boxes containing my treasures. + +I wish life weren't such a mixed thing. Just when I am tiptoeing on +the heights of joy because I am going home, I am brought to common +earth with a thud by the miserable thought that I must leave Boggley. +(How pleasant it would be to have a sort of spiritual whipping-boy +to bear the nasty things in life for one--the disappointments, the +worries, the times of illness and sorrow, the partings.) Boggley +says it will be all right once I am away. As a rule he only feels +pleasantly home-sick. Now, with the preparations for departure +constantly before him, helping to address boxes to the familiar old +places, going with me in imagination from port to port till we reach +cool Western lands, I'm afraid he has many a pang. + +I am so sorry you are so worried. You will almost have got my letter +by this time, but I wish I had cabled as you asked, only, somehow, I +didn't like the idea. I thought you knew I cared; but, after all, how +could you? I didn't know myself when I left England. Looking back I +seem always to have cared immensely. How could I help it? What I can't +understand is how every woman of your acquaintance doesn't care as I +do; you seem to me so lovable. I am so glad (though it seems an odd +thing to be glad about!) that you have no mother and no sister. I +don't feel such a marauder as I would have done if, by taking you, +I had robbed some other woman. And I am glad of your lonely life. I +shall be able to show you what a nice thing a home is. A quiet, safe +place we shall make it, where worldly cares may not enter. Boggley +says I can make an hotel room look home-like, and, indeed, it is +almost my only accomplishment, this talent for home-making. There is +one thing I want to say to you. You know what Robert Louis says about +married men?--that there is no wandering in pleasant bypaths for them, +that the road lies long and straight and dusty to the grave. It dulls +me to think of it. _Don't_ feel that. Don't let it be true. We mustn't +let our lives get dusty and straight and narrow. We shall love +whimsies and we shall laugh. So long as laughter isn't heartless and +doesn't hurt anyone it is good to laugh. Life will see to it that +there are tears--at least I'm told so. But suppose in years to come, +after we have grown used to each other (though it does amaze me that +people should talk about things losing their charm because one gets +_used_ to them. Does a child tire of its mother because it is used +to her? Is Spring any the less wonderful because we are used to +her coming? God grant we have many years to get used to each +other!)--suppose one fine morning you find that life has lost its +savour, you are tired of the accustomed round, you are tired of the +house, you are tired of the look of the furniture, you want to get +away for a time--in a word, to be free. Well, remember, you are not to +feel that the road isn't clear before you. I promise you not to feel +aggrieved. I shan't wonder how my infinite variety could have palled. +I know that all men--men who are men--at times hear the Red Gods call +them (women hear them too, you know, only they have more self-control; +they find their peace in fearful innocence and household laws), and +I shall be waiting on the doorstep when you return from climbing +Kangchenjunga, or exploring the Bramahputra Gorges, ready to say, +"Come away in, for I'm sure you must be tired." + +Arthur, dear, am I a disappointing person, do you find? Ought I to be +able to write you different sorts of letters, tenderer, more loving +letters? But, you see, it wouldn't be me if I could. My heart may be, +indeed, I think it is, full of the warmest instincts, but they have +been unwinged from birth so they can't fly to you. One of the most +talkative people living, in some ways I am strangely speechless. Why! +I haven't even told Boggley, though if he had eyes to see instead of +being the blindest of dear old bats, my shining face would betray +me. I keep on smiling in a perfectly imbecile manner, so that people +exclaim, "Well, you are indecently glad to get away," and when they +ask Why? I point them to the scene in the Old Testament where Hadad +said unto Pharaoh, "_Let me depart, that I may go to mine own +country." Then Pharaoh said unto him, "But what hast thou lacked with +me, that, behold, thou seekest to go to thine own country?" And he +answered, "Nothing: howbeit let me go in any wise_." So it is with +me. India has given me the best of good times. I have lacked for +nothing--"howbeit let me go in any wise." You needn't think I am +changed. I'm not. I'm afraid I'm not. One would think that a new +environment would make a difference, but it really does not. A person +with a suburban mind would be as suburban in the wilds of Nepal as in +the wilds of Tooting. The illuminating thought has come to me that it +isn't a man's environment that matters, it's his mind. Haven't you +often noticed in an evening in London all the City men hurrying home +like rabbits to their burrows (not the prosperous City men, but the +lesser ones, whose frock-coats are rather shiny and their silk hats +rather dull), and haven't you often thought how narrow their lives +are, how cramping their environment? But suppose one of those clerks +loves books and is something of a poet. What does it matter to him +though his rooms in Clapham or Brixton are grimy, almost squalid, and +filled with the worst kind of Victorian furniture? "Minds innocent and +quiet take such for an hermitage." Once inside, the long day at the +office over, and the door shut on the world, an arm-chair drawn up to +the fire and his books around him he is as happy as a king, for his +mind to him is a Kingdom. He may be a puny little man, in bodily +presence contemptible, but he will feel no physical disabilities as he +clambers on the wall of Jerusalem with Count Raymond, or thrills as he +sets forth with Drake to fight Spaniards one against ten. Instead of +the raucous cries of the milk or the coal man, he hears the horns of +Elfland faintly blowing, and instead of a window which can show him +nothing but a sodden plot planted with wearied-looking shrubs, he +has the key of that magic casement which opens on perilous seas in +fairylands forlorn. He will never do anything great in the world, he +will never lead a forlorn hope, or marry the Princess, or see far +lands; he will never be anything but a poor, shabby clerk, but he is +of such stuff as dreams are made of, and God has given to him His +fairyland. + +No, I don't think a new environment changes people, and it is foolish +to think it makes them forget. Sometimes in the Eden Gardens at +sunset, when we draw up to listen to the band, I watch the faces of +the youths--Scots boys come out from Glasgow and Dundee--dreaming +there in the Indian twilight while the pipers play the tunes familiar +to them since childhood. They are sahibs out here, they have a horse +to ride and a servant to look after them, things they never would have +had had they stayed in Dundee or Glasgow, but though they are proud +they are lonely. What does grandeur matter if "the Quothquan folk" +can't see it? The peepul trees rustle softly overhead, the languorous +soft air laps them round, the scent of the East is in their nostrils, +but their eyes are with their hearts, and is this what they see? A +night of drizzling rain, a street of tall, dingy, grey houses, and a +boy, his day's work done, bounding upstairs three steps at a time to +a cosy kitchen where the tea is spread, where work-roughened hands at +his coming lift the brown teapot from the hob, and a kind mother's +voice welcomes him home at the end of the day.... + +Autolycus has knocked at the door to say "Master's come" (he likes to +be very European with me so doesn't call him Sahib), and I must go to +tea. To-morrow Boggley is taking the whole day off and we have got it +all planned out, every minute of it. In the morning we shall drive in +a _tikka-gharry_ to the Stores to buy some final necessaries (such as +soap and tooth-powder), then to Peliti's to eat ices, then to the shop +in Park Street so that Boggley may get me a delayed birthday present, +then round and round the Maidan. _Then_ we shall go to luncheon at the +Townleys and go on with them to Tollygunge for golf. _Then_ we are +going to tea with some people who are taking us a motor run. _Then_ we +go to a farewell dinner at the Ormondes'. Then we shall go to bed. + +Bless you, my dear. + + +_S.S. Socotra, Homeward Bound, Somewhere in the Hoogly, April 24_. + +... This day seems to have been going on for weeks and it is only +tea-time now. Was it only this morning that we left? I can't think +it was _this_ morning that Boggley and I took our last _chota-hazri_ +together, and Boggley as he gloomily sugared his tea, said, "Now I +know what a condemned man feels like on the morning of his execution." +Then we laughed and it wasn't so bad. Autolycus, very important +because the Miss Sahib was going to cross the Black Water, bustled +about with my few packages (all the heavy baggage went away two days +ago) and, finally, bustled us into a _tikka-gharry_ in such good time +that we had to drive twice round the Maidan before we went to the +landing-stage. Dear, funny Autolycus! I shall miss his ugly, honest +face. He has added greatly to the gaiety of nations as represented by +Boggley and me. The last we saw of him was standing before the +hotel door along with Bella and the two _chuprassis_ bowing low and +murmuring, "Salaam, Miss Sahib, salaam," while I, undignified to the +last, knelt on the seat and wildly waved a handkerchief. + +The landing was crowded with people. I wondered how we were all to get +on board one ship, but found as we got on to the launch that most of +the people remained behind; they were only see-ers off. Mr. Townley +had by some means managed to get permission for himself, his wife, +and Boggley to go down the river with us in the launch to where the +_Socotra_ lay; which was a great comfort to us all. When we found our +party, poor G.'s face was much less pink than usual. The Ormondes were +there, having ridden down to see us off, and quite a lot of other +people had come for the same reason. We (the passengers) had to be +medically examined before we were allowed to leave--in case of plague, +I suppose. G. and I were rather scared at the thought--how were we to +know that we hadn't plague lurking about us? However, after a very +cursory glance we were passed on, got our good-byes said, and embarked +on the launch. At any other time I would have hated saying good-bye +to the Ormondes and the other dear people, but with the parting from +Boggley looming so near, I was absent-minded and callous, though I +hope I didn't appear so. The _Socotra_ is quite a tiny ship compared +to the _Scotia_. G. and I clambered on board, in great haste to find +our cabin. We found it already occupied by our cabin companion (she is +Scotch and has artificial teeth and a fine, rich Glasgow accent, and +(I think) is of a gentle and yielding disposition) and an enormous +hat-box. + +Boggley was with us, but when he saw we were going to be firm he fled, + +"This," said G., waving her hand towards the offending box, "must go +into the baggage-room." + +"Certainly," said the Glasgow woman. "I'm sure I don't know what it's +doing here. Ma husband wrote the labels." And she actually began to +drag it into the passage. + +Seeing her so amenable to reason, we smiled kindly and begged her +to desist. But she said, "Not at all," and smiled back in such a +delightfully Glasgow "weel-pleased" way that my heart warmed to her. I +can see she will be a constant entertainment. + +Mr. Townley introduced us to the captain, who looks kind, and who +asked us to sit at his table, and then we all went in to breakfast. In +spite of our low spirits we enjoyed the meal. G. created something of +a fracas about a kidney which she ate and then said was bad, but +she calmed down, and we enjoyed looking at the other passengers, +speculating as to who and what they were. + +Almost directly after breakfast our people had to go, and G. and I, +very stricken, watched the launch as it steamed up the river till lost +to sight behind a big vessel. Since then, except for an interval in +the cabin to get our eyes bathed into decency, we have sat on deck +with aching heads, trying to read and write. At first the heat was +terrible. We drooped like candles in the sun, we wilted like flowers, +and G. gasped, "If all the voyage is going to be as hot as this, I'm +done." Limp and wretched, I agreed with her. Then we found we had put +our chairs against the kitchen, which is up on deck in this ship. + +No wonder we were warm! We quickly found a cooler spot, and I have +been writing a long letter to Boggley to send off with the pilot. +Isn't he pure gold, my Boggley? I know that you too "think nobly of +the soul." He will be home in a year, and I am trying to tell myself +that a year isn't long. Well, the Indian trip is over, and I have a +lot, learned a few things, and made some friends--best of them my +faithful G. It is rather astonishing that I should have the joy of her +company home again. Many people, I am sure, expected she would remain +in India, but I think she took the precaution to leave her heart at +home, wise G. One thing you should be thankful for, there will be no +more letters. What a blessing people are nicer than their letters! How +good you have been about mine, how willing to take an interest in the +people I met, in the places I saw, in everything I told you about; and +when I was jocose, you pretended to be amused. Ah, well! Be cheerful, +sir, our revels now are ended! + +And so I am going home, home to my own bleak kindly land, "place of +all weathers that end in rain." I am going home to my own people +(I think I see Peter jigging up and down in expectation before my +trunks); and I am going to you. And the queer thing is, I can't feel +glad, I am so home-sick for India. All my horror of bombs and sudden +death has gone, and memory (as someone says) is making magic carpets +under my feet, so that I am back again in the white, hot sunlight, +under the dusty palm-trees, hearing the creak of the wagons, as the +patient oxen toil on the long straight roads, and the songs of the +coolies returning home at even, I see the country lying vague in the +clammy morning mist, and the great broad Ganges glimmering wanly; and +again it is a wonderful clear night of stars. I know that my own land +is the best land, that the fat babu with his carefully oiled and +parted hair and his too-apparent sock-suspenders can't be mentioned in +the same breath as the Britisher; that our daffodils and primroses +are sweeter far than the heavy-scented blossoms of the East; that the +"brain-fever" bird of India is a wretched substitute for the lark and +the thrush and others of "God's jocund little fowls"; that Abana and +Pharpar and other rivers of Damascus are better than this Jordan--all +this, I say, I know; but to-night I don't believe it. + +India has thrown golden dust in my eyes, and I am seeing things all +wrong. We have anchored for the night.... I am watching the misty +green blur, which is all that is left to me of India, grow more and +more indistinct as darkness falls. Soon it will be night. + +G., who has been absolutely silent for more than an hour, sat up +suddenly just now, and took my hand. + +"Olivia," she said. "It's a nice place, England." Her tone was the +tone of one seeking reassurance. + +"It is," I said dolefully. "_Very_." + +"And it really doesn't rain such a great deal," + +"No." + +"Anyway, it's home, and India isn't, though India _has_ been jolly." +She sighed. + +Then, "I shall enjoy a slice of good roast beef," said G. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Olivia in India, by O. 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For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: + https://www.gutenberg.org/GUTINDEX.ALL + + diff --git a/old/10899-8.zip b/old/10899-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..53b5186 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10899-8.zip diff --git a/old/10899.txt b/old/10899.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c13dc52 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/10899.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5633 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Olivia in India, by O. Douglas + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Olivia in India + +Author: O. Douglas + +Release Date: February 1, 2004 [EBook #10899] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLIVIA IN INDIA *** + + + + +Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + +OLIVIA IN INDIA + + +O. DOUGLAS + +"_When one discovers a happy look it is one's duty to tell one's +friends about it_." + +JAMES DOUGLAS in _The Star_. + + + + +OLIVIA IN INDIA. By O. DOUGLAS + + +"Happy books are not very plentiful, and when one discovers a happy +book it is one's duty to tell one's friends about it, so that it makes +them happy too. My happy book is called 'Olivia.' It is by a certain +young woman who calls herself O. Douglas, though I suspect that it's +a pen-name.... Olivia can write the most fascinating letters you ever +read."--JAMES DOUGLAS in the _Star_. "Extremely interesting. To have +read this book is to have met an extremely likeable personality in the +author."--_Glasgow Herald_. + + +PENNY PLAIN. By O. DOUGLAS + +"Penny Plain" is a story of life in a little town on the banks of the +Tweed. Jean Jardine, the heroine--who looks after her brothers in +their queer old house, "The Rigs," and is in turn looked after by +the old servant, Mrs. McCosh (from Glasgow), and Peter, the +fox-terrier--describes herself and her life as "penny plain," but with +the coming of Pamela Reston and her brother (who was what Mrs. McCosh +called "a Lord--no less"), everything is changed. There is love in the +book and laughter. "A very able and delightful book."--_The Times_. +"A delicious novel ... a triumphant success."--"A MAN OF KENT" in the +_British Weekly_. + + +THE SETONS. By O. DOUGLAS + +"Portrayed with the humour and insight of a deep affection."--_The +Times_. "Elizabeth is a delightful creature who radiates the +pages."--_Glasgow Herald_. "To the reading public at large it +will prove a sheer delight."--_Glasgow Times_. "Full of +charm."--_Spectator_. "A delightful romance."--_Aberdeen Journal_. + + + + +OLIVIA IN INDIA + +BY + +O. DOUGLAS + +AUTHOR OF "THE SETONS" "PENNY PLAIN" ETC. + +1912 + + + + +CONTENTS + +PART I +THROUGH THE GATES OF THE EAST + +PART II +FLESHPOTS OF CALCUTTA + +PART III +THE SUNBURNED EARTH + +PART IV +THE LAND OF REGRETS + + + + +THROUGH THE GATES OF THE EAST + + + + +_S.S. Scotia, Oct_. 19, 19--. + +... This is a line to send off with the pilot. There is nothing to say +except "Good-bye" again. + +We have had luncheon, and I have been poking things out of my cabin +trunk, and furtively surveying one--there are two, but the other seems +to be lost at present--of my cabin companions. She has fair hair and a +blue motor-veil, and looks quiet and subdued, but then, I dare say, so +do I. + +I hope you are thinking of your friend going down to the sea in a +ship. + +I feel, somehow, very small and lonely. + +OLIVIA. + + +_S.S. Scotia, Oct_. 21. (_In pencil_.) + +... Whatever you do, whatever folly you commit, never, never be +tempted to take a sea voyage. It is quite the nastiest thing you can +take--I have had three days of it now, so I know. + +When I wrote to you on Saturday I had an uneasy feeling that in the +near future all would not be well with me, but I went in to dinner and +afterwards walked up and down the deck trying to feel brave. Sunday +morning dawned rain-washed and tempestuous, and the way the ship +heaved was not encouraging, but I rose, or rather I descended from +my perch--did I tell you I had an upper berth?--and walked with an +undulating motion towards my bath. Some people would have remained in +bed, or at least gone unbathed, but, as I say, I rose--mark, please, +the rugged grandeur of the Scots character--and such is the force of +example the fair-haired girl rose also. Before I go any further I must +tell you about this girl. Her name is Hilton, Geraldine Hilton, but as +that is too long a name and already we are great friends, I call her +G. She is very pretty, with the kind of prettiness that becomes more +so the more you look--and if you don't know what I mean I can't stop +to explain--with masses of yellow hair, such blue eyes and pink cheeks +and white teeth that I am convinced I am sharing a cabin with the +original Hans Andersen's Snow Queen. She is very big and most healthy, +and delightful to look at; even sea-sickness does not make her look +plain, and that, you will admit, is a severe test; and what is more, +her nature is as healthy and sweet as her face. You will laugh and say +it is like me to know all about anyone in three days, but two sea-sick +and home-sick people shut up in a tiny cabin can exhibit quite a lot +of traits, pleasant and otherwise, in three days. + +Well, we dressed, and reaching the saloon, sank into our seats only to +leave again hurriedly when a steward approached to know if we would +have porridge or kippered herring! I know you are never sea-sick, +unlovable creature that you are, so you won't sympathize with us as +we lay limp and wretched in our deck-chairs on the damp and draughty +deck. Even the fact that our deck-chairs were brand-new, and had our +names boldly painted in handsome black letters across the back, +failed to give us a thrill of pleasure. At last it became too utterly +miserable to be borne. The sight of the deck-steward bringing round +cups of half-cold beef-tea with grease spots floating on the top +proved the last straw, so, with a graceful, wavering flight like a +woodcock, we zigzagged to our bunks, where we have remained ever +since. + +I don't know where we are. I expect Ushant has slammed the door on us +long ago. Our little world is bounded by the four walls of the cabin. +All day we lie and listen to the swish of the waves as they tumble +past, and watch our dressing-gowns hanging on the door swing backwards +and forwards with the motion. At intervals the stewardess comes in, a +nice Scotswoman,--Corrie, she tells me, is her home-place,--and brings +the menu of breakfast--luncheon--dinner, and we turn away our heads +and say, "Nothing--nothing!" Our steward is a funny little man, very +small and thin, with pale yellow hair; he reminds me of a moulting +canary, and his voice cheeps and is rather canary-like too. He is +really a very kind little steward and trots about most diligently on +our errands, and tries to cheer us by tales of the people he has known +who have died of sea-sickness: "Strained their 'earts, Miss, that's +wot they done!" It isn't very cheerful lying here, looking out through +the port-hole, now at the sky, next at the sea, but what it would have +been without G. I dare not think. We have certainly helped each other +through this time of trial. It is a wonderful blessing, a companion in +misfortune. + +But where, you may ask, is the third occupant of the cabin? Would it +not have been fearful if she, too, had been stretched on a couch of +languishing? Happily she is a good sailor, though she doesn't look it. +She is a little woman with a pale green complexion and a lot of sleek +black hair, and somehow gives one the impression of having a great +many more teeth than is usual. Her name is Mrs. Murray, and she is +going to India to rejoin her husband, who rejoices in the name of +Albert. Sometimes I feel a little sorry for Albert, but perhaps, after +all, he deserves what he has got. She has very assertive manners. I +think she regards G. and me as two young women who want keeping in +their places, though I am sure we are humble enough now whatever we +may be in a state of rude health. Happily she has friends on board, +so she rarely comes to the cabin except to tidy up before meals, and +afterwards to tell us exactly everything she has eaten. She seems to +have a good appetite and to choose the things that sound nastiest when +one is seedy. + +No--I don't like Mrs. Murray much; but I dislike her hat-box more. It +is large and square and black, and it has no business in the cabin, +it ought to be in the baggage-room. Lying up here I am freed from its +tyranny, but on Saturday, when I was unpacking, it made my life a +burden. It blocks up the floor under my hooks, and when I hang things +up I fall over it backwards, when I sit on the floor, which I have to +do every time I pull out my trunk, it hits me savagely on the spine, +and once, when I tried balancing it on a small chest of drawers, it +promptly fell down on my head and I have still a large and painful +bump as a memento. + +I wonder if you will be able to make this letter out? I am writing it +a little bit at a time, to keep myself from getting too dreadfully +down-hearted. G. and I have both very damp handkerchiefs under our +pillows to testify to the depressed state of our minds. "When I was at +home I was in a better place, but travellers must be content." + +I don't even care to read any of the books I brought with me, except +now and then a page or two of _Memories and Portraits_. It comforts me +to read of such steady, quiet places as the Pentland Hills and of the +decent men who do their herding there. + +Is it really only three days since I left you all, and you envied me +going out into the sunshine? Oh! you warm, comfortable people, how I, +in this heaving uncertain horror of a ship, envy you! + + +_25th_. + +(_Still in pencil_.) + +You mustn't think I have been lying here all the time. On Tuesday we +managed to get on deck, and on Wednesday it was warm and sunny, and we +began to enjoy life again and to congratulate ourselves on having got +our sea-legs. But we got them only to lose them, for yesterday the +wind got up, the ship rolled, we became every minute more thoughtful, +until about tea-time we retired in disorder. It didn't need the little +steward's shocked remark, "Oh my! You never 'ave gone back to bed +again!" to make us feel ashamed. + +However, we reach Marseilles to-day at noon, and, glorious thought, +the ship will stand still for twenty-four hours. Also there will be +letters! + +This isn't a letter so much as a wail. + +Don't scoff. I know I'm a coward. + + +_S.S.Scotia, Oct. 27_. + +... A fountain-pen is really a great comfort. I am writing with my new +one, so this letter won't, I hope, be such a puzzle to decipher as my +pencil scrawl. + +We are off again, but now the sun shines from a cloudless sky on a sea +of sapphire, and the passengers are sunning themselves on deck like +snails after a shower. I'm glad, after all, I didn't go back from +Marseilles by train. + +When we reached Marseilles the rain was pouring, but that didn't +prevent us ("us" means G. and myself) from bounding on shore. We found +a dilapidated _fiacre_ driven by a still more dilapidated _cocher_, +who, for the sum of six francs, drove us to the town. I don't know +whether, ordinarily, Marseilles is a beautiful town or an ugly one. +Few people, I expect, would have seen anything attractive in it this +dark, rainy October afternoon, but to us it was a sort of Paradise +regained. We had tea at a cafe, real French tea tasting of hay-seed +and lukewarm water, and real French cakes; we wandered through the +streets, stopping to stare in at every shop window; we bought violets +to adorn ourselves, and picture-postcards, and sheets of foreign +stamps for Peter, and all the time the rain poured and the street +lamps were cheerily reflected in the wet pavements, and it was so +damp, and dark, and dirty, and home-like, we sloppered joyfully +through the mud and were happy for the first time for a whole week. +The thought of letters was the only thing that tempted us back to the +ship. + +I heard from all the home people, even Peter wrote, a most +characteristic epistle with only about half the words wrongly spelt, +and finishing with a spirited drawing of the _Scotia_ attacked by +pirates, an abject figure crouching in the bows being labelled "You!" +How I miss that young brother of mine! I ache to see his nubbly +features ("nubbly" is a portmanteau word and exactly describes them) +and the hair that no brush can persuade to lie straight, and to hear +the broad accent--a legacy from a nurse who hailed from a mining +village in Lithgow--which is such a trial to his relatives I have no +illusions about Peter's looks any more than he has himself. A too +candid relative commenting once on his excessive plainness in his +presence, he replied, "Yes, I know, but I've a nice good face." I +sometimes feel that if Peter turns out badly it will be greatly my +fault. Mother was so busy with many things that I naturally, as the +big sister, did most of the training, and it wasn't easy. When I read +to him on Sunday _Tales of the Covenanters_, he at once made up his +mind that he much preferred Claverhouse to John Brown of Priesthill, +an unheard-of heresy, and yawning vigorously, announced that he was as +dull as a bull and as sick as a daisy. One night when I went to hear +him say his prayers, he said: + +"I'm not going to say any prayers," + +"Oh, Peter," I said, "why?" + +"'Cos I've prayed for a whole year it would be snow on Christmas and +it wasn't--just rain." + +"Then," I said very gravely, "God won't take care of you through the +night." + +"Put me in my bed," said the little ruffian, "and I'll see;" and I was +awakened at break of day by a small figure in pyjamas dancing at my +bedside, shouting with unholy joy, "I'm here, you see, I'm here," and +it was weeks before I could bring him to a better state of mind. + +So much younger than any of us--the other boys were at Oxford when he +was in his first knickerbockers--he was a lonely little soul and lived +in a world of his own, peopled by the creatures of his own imaginings. +His great friend was Mr. Bathboth of Bathboth--don't you like the +name?--and he would come in from a walk with his nurse, fling down his +cap and remark, "I've been seeing Mr. Bathboth in his own house--oh! a +lovely house. It's a _public-house_!" + +I'm afraid he was a very low character this Mr. Bathboth. According to +Peter, "he smoked, and he swored, and he put his fingers to his nose +when his mother said he wasn't to," so we weren't surprised to hear of +his end. He was pulled up to heaven by a crane for bathing in the sea +on Sunday. Another of Peter's creatures was a bogle called "Windy +Wallops" who lived in the garrets and could only be repulsed with +hairbrushes. "Whippetie Stoowrie," on the other hand, was a kindly +creature inhabiting the nursery chimney, and given to laying small +offerings such as a pistol and caps or a sugar mouse on the fender. A +strange fancy once took Peter to dig graves for us all in the garden. +It wasn't that he disliked us; on the contrary, he considered he was +doing us an honour. My grave was suggestively near the rubbish-heap, +but he pointed out that it was because the lily-of-the-valley grew +there. One day he came in earthy but determined-looking. "Dodo didn't +send me anything for my birthday," he announced, "so I've _filled up +his grave_." + +Now Peter has gone to school and has put away childish things, and the +desire to be a knight like Launcelot. He no longer babbles to himself +in such a way as to make strangers doubt of his sanity; and he +confided to me lately that when he grew up he hoped to lead a Double +Life. He who was brought up in Camelot, he who wept when Roland +at Roncesvalles blew his horn for the last time, now devours +blood-curdling detective stories, vile things in paper covers, which +he keeps concealed about his person, and whips out at odd moments. +What he hates is a book with the slightest hint of a love affair. I +found him disgustedly punching a book with his fist and muttering +(evidently to the hero), "I know you, I know you, you're in love with +her," in tones of bitter scorn. When I begin to speak about Peter I +can't stop, and forget how tiresome it must be for people to listen. I +apologize, but please bear with me when I enlarge upon this brother of +mine; I simply must, sometimes. + +How good of you to write such a long letter! Of course I shall write +often and at length, but you must promise not to be bored, or expect +too much. I fear you won't get anything very wise or witty from +me. You know how limited I am. The fairies, when they came to my +christening, might have come better provided with gifts. But then, I +expect they have only a certain number of gifts for each family, so +I don't in the least blame them for giving the boys the brains and +giving me--what? At the moment I can't think of anything they did give +me except a heart that keeps on the windy side of care, as Beatrice +puts it; and hair that curls naturally. I have no grudge against the +fairies. If they had given me straight hair and brains I might have +been a Suffragist and shamed my kin by biting a policeman; and _that_ +would have been a pity. + + +_Later_. + +G. and I are crouched in a corner, very awed and sad. A poor man died +suddenly yesterday from heart failure, and the funeral is just over. I +do hope I shall never again see a burial at sea. It was terrible. The +bell tolled and the ship slowed down and almost stopped, while the +body, wrapped in a Union Jack, was slipped into the water, committed +to the deep in sure and certain hope of a blessed resurrection. In a +minute it was all over. + +The people are laughing and talking again; the dressing-bugle has +sounded; things go on as if nothing had happened. We are steaming +ahead, leaving the body--such a little speck it looked on the great +water--far behind. + +It is the utter loneliness of it that makes me cry! + + +_S.S. Scotia, Oct. 29_. + +... This won't be a tidy letter, for I am sitting close beside the +rail--has it a nautical name? I don't know--and every few minutes the +spray comes over and wets the paper and incidentally myself. _And_ +the fountain-pen! I greatly fear it leaks, for my middle finger is +blackened beyond hope of cleansing, and though not ten minutes ago Mr. +Brand inked himself very comprehensively filling it for me, already it +requires frequent shakings to make it write at all. I thought it would +be a blessing, it threatens to become a curse. I foresee that very +shortly I shall descend again to a pencil, or write my letters with +the aid of scratchy pens and fat, respectable ink-pots in the stuffy +music-room. + +You will have two letters from Port Said. The one I wrote you two days +ago finished in deep melancholy, but to-day it is so good to be alive +I could shout with joy. I woke this morning with a jump of delight, +and even Mrs. Albert Murray--she of the hat-box and the many +teeth--could not irritate me, and you can't think how many irritating +ways the woman has. It is 10 a.m. and we have just come up from +breakfast, and have got our deck-chairs placed where they will catch +every breeze (and some salt water), and, with a pile of books and two +boxes of chocolate, are comfortably settled for the day. + +You ask about the passengers. + +We have all sorts and conditions. Quiet people who read and work +all day; rowdy people who never seem happy unless they are throwing +cushions or pulling one another downstairs by the feet; painfully +enterprising people who get up sports, sweeps, concerts, and dances, +and are full of a tiresome, misplaced energy; bridge-loving people who +play from morning till night; flirtatious people who frequent dark +corners; happy people who laugh; sad people who sniff; and one man who +can't be classed with anyone else, a sad gentleman, his hair standing +fiercely on end, a Greek Testament his constant and only companion. +We pine to know who and what he is and where he is going. Yesterday I +found myself beside him at tea. I might not have existed for all the +notice he took of me. "Speak to him," said G. in my ear. "You don't +dare!" + +Of course after that I had to, so pinching G's arm to give myself +courage, I said in a small voice, "Are you enjoying the voyage?" + +He turned, regarded me with his sad prominent eyes. "Do I look as if +I enjoyed it?" asked this Monsieur Melancholy, and went back to his +bread-and-butter. G. choked, and I finished my tea hurriedly and in +silence. + +Nearly everyone on board seems nice and willing to be pleasant. I +am on smiling terms with most and speaking terms with many, but one +really sees very little of the people outside one's own little set. It +is odd how people drift together and make cliques. There are eight in +our particular set. Colonel and Mrs. Crawley, Major and Mrs. Wilmot; +Captain Gordon, Mr. Brand, G., and myself. The Crawleys, the Wilmots, +and Captain Gordon are going back after furlough; Mr. Brand and G. and +I are going only for pleasure and the cold weather. Our table is much +the merriest in the saloon. Mrs. Crawley is a fascinating woman; I +never tire watching her. Very pretty, very smart with a pretty wit, +she has the most delightfully gay, infectious laugh, which contrasts +oddly with her curiously sad, unsmiling eyes, Mrs. Wilmot has a +Madonna face. I don't mean one of those silly, fat-faced Madonnas one +sees in the Louvre and elsewhere, but one's own idea of the Madonna; +the kind of face, as someone puts it, that God must love. + +She isn't pretty and she isn't in the least smart, but she is just a +kind, sweet, wise woman. Her husband is a cheery soul, very big and +boyish and always in uproarious spirits. Captain Gordon makes a good +listener. Mr. Brand, although he must have left school quite ten years +ago, is still very reminiscent of Eton and has a school-boyish taste +in silly rhymes and riddles. Colonel Crawley, a stern and somewhat +awe-inspiring man, a distinguished soldier, I am told, hates +_passionately_ being asked riddles, and we make him frantic at table +repeating Mr. Brand's witticisms. He sits with a patient, disgusted +face while we repeat, + + "Owen More had run away + Owin' more than he could pay; + Owen More came back one day + Owin' more"; + +and when he can bear it no longer leaves the table remarking +_Titbits_. He had his revenge the other day, when the ship was rolling +more than a little. We had ventured to the saloon for tea and were +surveying uncertainly some dry toast, when Colonel Crawley came in. +"Ah!" he said, "Steward! Pork chops for these ladies." The mere +thought proved the thing too much, we fled to the fresh air--tealess. + +I meant this to be a very long letter, but this pen, faint yet +pursuing, shows signs of giving out. I have to shake it every second +word now. + +The bugle has gone for lunch, and G. who has been sound asleep for the +last hour, is uncoiling herself preparatory to going down. + +So good-bye. + + +_S.S. Scotia, Nov. 1_. + +... All day we have glided through the Canal. Imagine a shining band +of silver water, a band of deepest blue sky, and in between a bar of +fine gold which is the desert--and you have some idea of what I am +looking at. Sometimes an Arab passes riding on a camel, and I can't +get away from the feeling that I am a child again looking at a highly +coloured Bible picture-book on Sabbath afternoons. + +We landed at Port Said yesterday morning. People told us it was a +dirty place, an uninteresting place, a horribly dull place, not worth +leaving the ship to see, but it was our first glimpse of the East and +we were enchanted. The narrow streets, the white domes and minarets +against the blue sky, the flat roofs of the houses, the queer shops +with the Arabs shouting to draw attention to their wares, and, above +all, the new strange smell of the East, were, to us, wonderful and +fascinating. + +When we got ashore the sun was shining with a directness hitherto +unknown to us, making the backs of our unprotected heads feel somewhat +insecure, so we went first to a shop where we spied exposed to sale a +rich profusion of topis. In case you don't know, a topi is a sun-hat, +a white thing, large and saucer-like, lined with green, with cork +about it somewhere, rather suggestive of a lifebelt; horribly +unbecoming but quite necessary. + +A very polite man bowed us inside, and we proceeded on our quixotic +search for a topi not entirely hideous. Half an hour later we came out +of the shop, the shopman more obsequious than ever, not only wearing +topis, but laden with boxes of Turkish Delight, ostrich-feather fans, +tinsel scarves, and a string of pink beads which he swore were coral, +but I greatly doubt it. We had an uneasy feeling as we bought the +things that perhaps we were foolish virgins, but before the afternoon +was very old we were sure of it. You wouldn't believe how heavy +Turkish Delight becomes when you carry half a dozen boxes for some +hours under a blazing sun, and I had a carved book-rest under one arm, +and G. had four parcels and a green umbrella. To complete our disgust, +after weltering under our purchases for some time we saw in a shop +exactly the same things much cheaper. G. pointed a wrathful finger, +letting two parcels fall to do it. "Look at that," she said. "I'm +going straight back to tell the man he's cheated us." With difficulty +I persuaded her it wasn't worth while, and tired and dusty we +sank--no, we didn't sink, they were iron chairs--we sat down hard on +chairs outside a big hotel and demanded tea immediately. Some of the +ship people were also having tea at little tables, and a party of +evil-looking Frenchmen were twanging guitars and singing sentimental +songs for pennies. While we were waiting a man--an Arab, I +think--crouched beside us and begged us to let him read our hands +for half a crown, and we were weak enough to permit it. You may be +interested to know that I am to be married "soon already" to a high +official with gold in his teeth. It sounds ideal. G. was rather awed +by the varied career he sketched for her. After tea, which was long in +coming and when it came disappointing, we had still some time, so we +hailed a man driving a depressed-looking horse attached to a carriage +of sorts, and told him to drive us all round. He looked a very wicked +man, but it may have been the effect of his only having one eye, for +he certainly had a refined taste in sights. When we suggested that we +would like to see the Arab bazaar he shook his head violently, and +instead drove us along dull roads, stopping now and again to wave a +vague whip towards some building, remarking in most melancholy tones +as he did so, "The English Church"--"The American Mission." + +Back on the ship again, sitting on deck in the soft darkness, watching +the lights of the town and hearing a faint echo of the life there, I +realized with something of a shock that it was Hallow-e'en. Does that +convey nothing to your mind? To me it brings back memories of +cold, fast-shortening days, and myself jumping long-legged over +cabbage-stalks in the kitchen-garden, chanting-- + + "This is the nicht o' Hallow-e'en + When a' the witches will be seen--" + +in fearful hope of seeing a witch, not mounted on a broomstick, but on +the respectable household cat, changed for that night into a flying +fury; finally, along with my brothers, being captured, washed, and +dressed, to join with other spirits worse than ourselves in "dooking" +for apples and eating mashed potatoes in momentary expectation of +swallowing a threepenny-bit or a thimble. To-night, far from the other +spirits, far from the chill winds and the cabbage-stalks, I have been +watching the sunset on the desert making the world a glory of rose and +gold and amethyst. Now it is dark; the lights are lit all over the +ship; the floor of heaven is thick inlaid with patines of bright gold... + + "In such a night did young Lorenzo ..." + + +_Nov. 2, 11.30 a.m_. + +Our fellow-passengers derive much amusement from the way we sit and +scribble, and one man asked me if I were writing a book! All this time +I haven't mentioned the Port Said letters. We got them before we left +the ship, and, determined for once to show myself a well-balanced, +sensible young person, I took mine to the cabin and locked them firmly +in a trunk, telling myself how nice it would be to read them in peace +on my return. The spirit was willing, but--I found I must rush down to +take just a peep to see if everyone was well, and the game ended with +me sitting uncomfortably on the knobby edge of Mrs. Albert Murray's +bunk, breathlessly tearing open envelopes. + +They were all delightful, and I have read them many times. I have +yours beside me now, and to make it like a real talk I shall answer +each point as it comes. + +You say the sun hasn't shone since I left. + +Are you by any chance paying me a compliment? Or are you merely +stating a fact? As Pet Marjorie would say, I am primmed up with +majestic pride because of the compliments I receive. One lady, whose +baby I held for a little this morning, told me I had such a sweet, +unspoiled disposition! But what really pleased me and made me feel +inches taller was that Captain Gordon told someone who told me that he +thought I had great stability of character. It is odd how one loves +to be told one has what one hasn't! I, who have no more stability of +character than a pussy-cat, felt warm with gratitude. Only--I should +like to make my exit now before he discovers how mistaken he is! + +Yes, I wish you were sitting by my side racing through the waves. +Indeed, I wish all my dear people were here. + +Are you really feeling lonely, you popular young man of many +engagements? Lonely and dissatisfied are your words. But why? Why? +Surely no one ever had less reason to feel dissatisfied. There are +very many people, my friend, who wouldn't mind being you. And yet you +aren't thankful! Not thankful for the interesting life you have, the +plays you see, the dinners you eat, the charming women you talk to, +the balls you dance at, the clubs you frequent--though what a man does +at his clubs beyond escaping for a brief season from his womenkind +I never quite know. Think how nice to be a man and not have to look +pleased when one is really bored to extinction! If you are bored you +have only to slip away to your most comfortable rooms. Did I tell you +how much I liked your rooms that day Margie and I went to tea with +you? or were we too busy talking about other things? Now don't be like +Peter. He was grumbling about something and I told him to go away and +count his blessings. He went obediently, and returned triumphant. +"I've done it!" he said, "and I've six things to be thankful for and +nine to be unthankful for--" + +One thing for which I think you might feel "unthankful" is your +lamentable lack of near relations. It is hard to be quite alone in +the world; for, I agree, aunts don't count for much. Weighed in the +balance they are generally found woefully wanting. + +I remember once, when we were laughing over some escapade of our +childhood you said you had no very pleasant recollection of your +childish days, that you didn't look forward to holidays and that your +happiest time was at school, because then you had companions. + +I feel quite sad when I think what you missed. We were very lucky, +four of us growing up together, and I sometimes wonder if other +children had the same full, splendid time we had, and if they employed +it getting into as many scrapes. The village people, shaking their +heads over us and our probable end, used to say, "They're a' bad, but +the lassie (meaning me) is the verra deil." We were bad, but we were +also extraordinarily happy. I treasure up all sorts of memories, some +of them very trivial and absurd, store them away in lavender, and +when I feel dreary I take them out and refresh myself with them. One +episode I specially remember, though why I should tell you about it I +don't quite know, for it is a small thing and "silly sooth." We were +staying at the time with our grandmother, the grandmother I am called +for, a very stern and stately lady--the only person I have ever really +stood in awe of. We had been wandering all day, led by John, searching +for hidden treasure at the rainbow's foot, climbing high hills to +see if the world came to an end at the other side, or some equally +fantastic quest. It was dark and almost supper-time and we had +committed the heinous crime of not appearing for tea, so, when we were +told to go at once to see our grandmother, and stumbled just as we +were, tired and dusty, hair on end and stockings at our ankles into +the quiet room where she sat knitting fleecy white things by the table +with the lamp, we expected nothing better than to be sent straight to +bed, probably supperless. Our grandmother laid down her knitting, took +off her spectacles, and instead of the rebuke we expected and deserved +said, "Bairns, come away in. I'm sure you must be tired." It had been +an unsuccessful day; we had found no treasure, not even the World's +End; the night had fallen damp, with an eerily sighing wind which +depressed us vaguely as we trudged homewards; but now, the black night +shut out, there was the fire-light and the lamp-light, the kind old +voice, and the delicious sense of having come home. + +All things considered, you are a young man greatly to be envied, +also at the present moment to be scolded. How can you possibly allow +yourself to think such silly things? You must have a most exaggerated +idea of my charms if you think every man on board must be in love with +me. Men aren't so impressionable. Did you think that when my well-nigh +unearthly beauty burst on them they would fall on their knees and +with one voice exclaim, "Be mine!" I assure you no one has ever even +thought of doing anything of the kind, and if they had _I wouldn't +tell you_. I know you are only chaffing, but I do so hate all that +sort of thing, and to hear people talk of their "conquests" is +revolting. One of the nicest things about G. is that she doesn't care +a bit to philander about with men. She and I are much happier talking +to each other, a fact which people seem to find hard to believe. + +My attention is being diverted from my writing by a lady sitting a few +yards away--the Candle we call her because so many silly young moths +hover round. She is a buxom person, with very golden hair growing +darker towards the roots, hard blue eyes, and a powdery white face. G. +and I are intensely interested to know what is the attraction about +her, for no one can deny there is one. She isn't young; the gods have +not made her fair, and I doubt of her honesty; yet from the first she +has been surrounded by men--most of them, I grant you, unfinished +youths bound to offices in Calcutta, but still men. I thought it might +be her brilliant conversation, but for the last half-hour I have +listened,--indeed we have no choice but to listen, the voices are so +strident,--and it can't be that, because it isn't brilliant or even +amusing, unless to call men names like Pyjamas, or Fatty, or Tubby, +and slap them playfully at intervals is amusing. A few minutes ago +Mrs. Crawley came to sit with us looking so fresh in a white linen +dress. I don't know why it is--she wears the simplest clothes, and yet +she manages to make all the other women look dowdy. She has the gift, +too, of knowing the right thing to wear on every occasion. At Port +Said, for instance, the costumes were varied. The Candle flopped on +shore in a trailing white lace dress and an enormous hat; some broiled +in serge coats and skirts; Mrs. Crawley in a soft green muslin and +rose-wreathed hat was a cool and dainty vision. Well, to return. As +Mrs. Crawley shook up her chintz cushions, she looked across at the +Candle--a long look that took in the elaborate golden hair, the much +too smart blouse, the abbreviated skirt showing the high-heeled +slippers, the crowd of callow youths--and then, smiling slightly +to herself, settled down in her chair. I grew hot all over for the +Candle. I don't suppose I need trouble myself. I expect she is used to +having women look at her like that, and doesn't mind. Does she really +like silly boys so much and other women so little, I wonder! There is +generally something rather nasty about a woman who declares she can't +get on with other women and whom other women don't like. Men have an +absurd notion that we can't admire another woman or admit her good +points. It isn't so. We admire a pretty woman just as much as you do. +The only difference is you men think that if a woman has a lovely +face it follows, as the night the day, that she must have a lovely +disposition. We know better that's all. + +The poor Candle! I feel so mean and guilty writing about her under her +very eyes, so to speak. She looked at me just now quite kindly. I have +a good mind to tear this up, but after all what does it matter? My +silly little observations won't make any impression on your masculine +mind. Only don't say "Spiteful little cat," because I don't mean to +be, really. + +This is much the longest letter I ever wrote. You will have to read a +page at a time and then take a long breath and try again. + +Mr. Brand has just come up to ask us why a sculptor dies a horrible +death? Do you know? + + +_S.S. Scotia, Nov. 6_. + +No one unendowed with the temper of an angel and the patience of a Job +should attempt the voyage to India. Mrs. Albert Murray has neither of +these qualifications any more than I have, and for two days she hasn't +deigned to address a remark to G. or me, all because of a lost pair of +stockings; a loss which we treated with unseemly levity. However, the +chill haughtiness of our cabin companion is something of a relief in +this terrible heat. For it _is_ hot. I am writing in the cabin, and in +spite of the fact that there are two electric fans buzzing on either +side of me, I am hotter than I can say, and deplorably ill-tempered. +Four times this morning, trying to keep out of Mrs. Albert Murray's +way, I have fallen over that wretched hat-box, still here despite our +hints about the baggage-room, and now in revenge I am sitting on it, +though what the owner would say, if she came in suddenly and found to +what base uses I had put her treasure, I dare not let myself think. G. +has a bad headache, and it is dull for her to be alone, so that is +the reason why I am in the cabin at all. To be honest, it is most +unpleasant on deck, rainy with a damp, hot wind blowing, and the +music-room is crowded and stuffy beyond words, or I might not be +unselfish enough to remain with G. I did go up, and a fat person, +whose nurse was ill, gave me her baby to hold, a poor white-faced, +fretful baby, who pulled down all my hair, and I have had the +unpleasant task of doing it up again. If you have ever stood in a very +hot greenhouse with the door shut, and wrestled with something above +your head, you will know what I felt. + +We passed Aden yesterday and stopped for a few hours to coal. That +was the limit. The sun beating down on the deck, the absence of the +slightest breeze, coal-dust sifting into everything--ouf! Aden's +barren rocks reminded me rather of the Skye Coolin. I wonder if they +are climbable. I haven't troubled you much, have I, with accounts +of the entertainments on board? but I think I must tell you about a +whistling competition we had the other day. You must know that we had +each a partner, and the women sat at one end of the deck and the men +stood at the other and were told the tune they had to whistle, when +they rushed to us and each whistled his tune to his partner, who had +to write the name on a piece of paper and hand it back, and the man +who got back to the umpire first won--at least his partner did. Do you +understand? Well, as you know, I haven't much ear for music, and I +hoped I would get an easy tune; but when my partner, a long, thin, +earnest man, with a stutter, burst on me and whistled wildly in my +face, I had the hopeless feeling that I had never heard the tune +before. In his earnestness he came nearer and nearer, his contortions +every moment becoming more extraordinary, his whistling more piercing; +and I, by this time convulsed by awful, helpless laughter, could only +shrink farther back in my seat and gasp feebly, "Please don't." + +Mrs. Crawley was not much better. In my own misery I was aware of +her voice saying politely, "I have no idea what the tune is, but you +whistle beautifully--quite like a gramophone." + +When my disgusted and exhausted partner ceased trying to emulate a +steam-engine and began to look human again, I timidly inquired what he +had been whistling. "The tune," he replied very stiffly, "was 'Rule, +Britannia!'" + +"Dear me," I replied meekly, "I thought at least it was something +from _Die Meistersinger_;" but he deigned no reply and walked away, +evidently hating me quite bitterly. I shan't play that game again, and +I can't believe the silly man really whistled "Rule, Britannia," +for it is a simple tune and one with which I am entirely at home, +whereas--but no matter! + +G. won by guessing "Annie Laurie." She is splendid at all games, and +did I tell you how well she sings? In the cabin, when we are alone, +she sings to me snatches of all sorts of songs, grave and gay, but she +won't sing in the saloon, where every other woman on board with +the smallest pretensions to a voice carols nightly. She is a most +attractive person this G., with quaint little whimsical ways that make +her very lovable. We are together every minute of the day, and yet we +never tire of one another's company. I rather think I do most of the +talking. If it is true that to be slow in words is a woman's only +virtue, then, indeed, is my state pitiable, for talk I must, and G. is +a delightful person to talk to. She listens to my tales of Peter +and the others, and asks for more, and shouts with laughter at the +smallest joke. I pass as a wit with G., and have a great success. She +is going to stay with a married sister for the cold weather. Quite +like me, only I'm going to an unmarried brother. I think we are both +getting slightly impertinent to our elders. They tease us so at meals +in the saloon we have to answer back in self-defence, and it is very +difficult to help trying to be smart; sometimes, at least with me, +it degenerates into rudeness. I told you about all the people at our +table, but I forgot one--a very aged man with a long white beard, +rather like the evil magician in the fairy tales, but most harmless. +"Old Sir Thomas Erpingham," I call him, for I am sure a good soft +pillow for that good grey head were better than the churlish turf of +India. He is very kind, and calls us Sunshine and Brightness, and pays +us the most involved Early Victorian compliments, which we, talking +and laughing all the time, seldom ever hear, and it is left to kind +Mrs. Wilmot to respond. + + +_Nov. 7_. + +Last night we had an excitement. We got into a thick fog and had to +stand still and hoot, while something--a homeward-bound steamer, they +say--nearly ran us down. The people sleeping on deck said it was +most awesome, but I slept peacefully through it until awakened by an +American female running down the corridor and remarking at the top of +a singularly piercing voice, "Wal, I am scared!" + +To-day it is beautifully calm and bright; the nasty, hot, damp wind +has gone; and we are sitting in our own little corner of the deck, +Mrs. Crawley, Mrs. Wilmot, G., and I, sometimes reading, sometimes +writing, very often talking. It is luck for us to have two such +charming women to talk to. Mrs. Crawley is supposed to be my chaperon, +I believe I forgot to tell you that. Boggley, who is a great friend of +hers, wrote and asked her to look after me. How clever of him to fix +on one in every way so desirable! Suppose he had asked the Candle! + +We have such splendid talks about books. Mrs. Wilmot has, I think, +read everything that has been written, also she is very keen about +poetry and has my gift--or is it a vice?--of being able to say great +pieces by heart, so between us G. is sometimes just a little bored. +You see, G. hasn't been brought up in a bookish atmosphere and that +makes such a difference. The other night she was brushing her hair, +unusually silent and evidently thinking deeply. At last she looked up +at me in my bunk, with the brush in her hand and all her hair swept +over one shoulder, and said in the most puzzled way, "What was that +nasty thing Mrs. Wilmot was saying all about dead women?" and do you +know what she objected to? + + "Dear dead women, with such hair, too-- + What's become of all the gold + Used to hang and brush their bosoms? I + Feel chilly and grown old." + +We are very much worried by people planting themselves beside us and +favouring us with their views on life in general. One woman--rather a +tiresome person, a spinster with a curiously horse-like face and large +teeth--sometimes stays for hours at a time and leaves us limp. Even +gentle Mrs. Wilmot approaches, as nearly as it is possible for her to +approach, unkindness in her comments on her. She has such playful, +girlish manners, and an irritating way of giving vent to the most +utter platitudes with the air of having just discovered a new truth. +She has been with us this morning and mentioned that her father was +four times removed from a peerage. I stifled a childish desire to ask +who had removed him, while Mrs. Wilmot murmured, "How interesting!" As +she minced away Mrs. Crawley said meditatively, "The Rocking Horse +Fly," and with a squeal of delight I realized that that was what she +had always vaguely reminded me of. You remember the insect, don't you, +in _Through the Looking-Glass_? It lived on sawdust. One lesson one +has every opportunity of learning on board ship is to suffer fools, +if not gladly, at least with patience. The curious people who stray +across one's path! One woman came on at Port Said--a globe-trotter, +globe-trotting alone. Can you imagine anything more ghastly? She is +very tall, dark and mysterious-looking, and last night when G. and I +were in the music saloon before dinner, she sat down beside us and +began to talk of spiritualism and other weird things. To bring her to +homelier subjects I asked if she liked games. "Games" she said, "what +sort of games? I can ride anything that has four legs and I can hold +my own with a sword." She looked so fierce that if the bugle hadn't +sounded at that moment I think I should have crept under a table. + +"Quite mad," said G. placidly as we left her. + +We are going to have a dance to-night. + + +_S.S. Scotia, Nov. 11_. + +... Now we approach a conclusion. We have passed Colombo, and in three +or four days ought to reach Calcutta. + +Colombo was rather nice, warm and green and moist; but I failed to +detect the spicy breeze blowing soft o'er Ceylon's isle, that the hymn +led me to expect. The shops are good and full of interesting things, +like small ivory elephants, silver ornaments, bangles, kimonos, and +moonstones. We bought various things, and as we staggered with our +purchases into the cabin, which now resembles nothing so much as an +overcrowded pawnshop, Mrs. Murray remarked (we are on speaking terms +again) "I suppose you thought the cabin looked rather empty that you +bought so much rubbish to fill it up." + +We were dumb under the deserved rebuke. We had bought her a fan as a +peace-offering, rather a pretty one too, but she thanked us with no +enthusiasm. + +In Colombo we got rickshaws and drove out to the Galle Face Hotel, a +beautiful place with the surf thundering on the beach outside. If I +were rich I would always ride in a rickshaw. It is a delightful way of +getting about, and as we were trotted along a fine broad road, small +brown boys ran alongside and pelted us with big waxy, sweet-smelling +blossoms. We did enjoy it so. At the Galle Face, in a cool and lofty +dining-hall, we had an excellent and varied breakfast, and ate real +proper Eastern curry for the first time. Another new experience! I +don't like curry at home, curry as English cooks know it--a greasy +make-up of cold joint served with sodden rice; but this was different. +First, rice was handed round, every particle firm and separate and +white, and then a rich brown mixture with prawns and other interesting +ingredients, which was the curry. You mix the curry with the rice, +when a whole trayful of condiments is offered to eat with it, things +like very thin water biscuits, Bombay duck--all sorts of chutney, and +when you have mixed everything up together the result is one of the +nicest dishes it has been my lot to taste. Note also, you eat it with +a fork and spoon, not with a fork alone as mere provincials do! + +I begin to feel so excited about seeing Boggley. It is two years since +he was home last. Will he have changed much, I wonder? There was a +letter from him at Colombo, and he hadn't left Darjeeling and had no +house to take me to in Calcutta, so it would appear that when I do +land my lodging will be the cold ground. It sounds as if he were still +the same casual old Boggley. Who began that name? John, I think. He +had two names for him--"Lo-the-poor-Indian" and "Boggley-Wallah"--and +in time we all slipped into calling him Boggley. I like to think you +two men were such friends at Oxford. Long before I knew you I had +heard many tales of your doings, and I think that was one reason why, +when we did meet, we liked each other and became friends, because we +were both so fond of Boggley. I am filled with qualms as to whether he +will be glad to see me. It must be rather a nuisance in lots of ways +to have a sister to look after, but he was so keen that I should come +that surely he won't think me a bother. Besides, when you think of it, +it was really very good of me to leave my home and all my friends and +brave the perils of the deep, to visit a brother in exile. + +I wish I knew exactly when we shall arrive; this suspense is wearing. +One man told me we would be in on Wednesday, another said we would +miss the tide and not be in till Saturday. I asked the captain, but he +directed me to the barber, who, he said, knew everything--and indeed +there are very few things he doesn't know. He is a dignified figure +with a shiny curl on his forehead, and a rich Cockney accent, full +of information, generally, I must admit, strikingly inaccurate, but +bestowed with such an air. "I do believe him though I know he lies." + + +_13th_. + +We are in the Hooghly and shall be in Kidderpore Dock to-morrow +morning early. Actually the voyage is at an end. I may as well finish +this letter and send it with the mail which leaves Calcutta to-morrow. +We can't pack, because Mrs. Albert Murray is occupying all the cabin +and most of the passage. We shall creep down when she is quite done +and put our belongings together. + +Everyone is flying about writing luggage labels, and getting their +boxes up from the hold, and counting things. Curiously enough, I +am feeling rather depressed; the end of anything is horrid, even a +loathed sea-voyage. After all, it isn't a bad old ship, and the people +have been nice. To-night I am filled with kindness to everyone. Even +Mrs. Albert Murray seems to swim in a rosy and golden haze, and I am +conscious of quite an affection for her, though I expect, when in a +little I go down to the cabin and find her fussing and accusing us of +losing her things, I shall dislike her again with some intensity. We +have all laughed and played and groaned together, and now we part. No, +I _shan't_ say "Ships that pass in the night." Several people--mothers +whose babies I have held and others--have given me their cards and a +cordial invitation to go and stay with them for as long as I like. +They mean it now, I know, but in a month's time shall we even remember +each other's names? + +It will be a real grief to part to-morrow from Mrs. Crawley and +Mrs. Wilmot. The dear women! I wish they had been going to stay in +Calcutta, but they go straight away up country. Are there, I wonder, +many such charming women in India? It seems improbable. I shall miss +all the people at our table: we have been such a gay company. Major +Wilmot says G. and I have kept them all amused and made the voyage +pleasant, but that is only his kind way. It is quite true, though, +what Mrs. Crawley says of G. She is like a great rosy apple, +refreshing and sweet and wholesome. + +What is really depressing me is the thought that wherever I am +to-morrow night there will be no G. to say: + +"Good-night, my dear. Sleep well." + +And I shan't be able to drop my head over my bunk and reply: + +"Good-night, my dear old G." + +It will seem so odd and lonely without her. + +The ship has stopped--we are to anchor here till daylight. + + + + +FLESHPOTS OF CALCUTTA + + + + +_Calcutta, Nov. 18_. + +_In India_. I don't think I have quite realized myself or my +surroundings yet, but one thing I know. Boggley has been better than +his word, for we are not camping in a corner of the Maidan, but have a +decent roof to cover us. + +But I shall go back to where I left off on Wednesday night. + +We spent a hot, breathless night in the river. Towards morning I fell +asleep and dreamed that the ship was sinking in a quicksand and that +I, in trying to save myself, had stuck fast in the port-hole. I +wakened cold with fright, to find it was grey dawn and they were +getting up the anchor. + +Of course we were up at an unearthly hour, all our belongings +carefully packed and labelled, ourselves clad in clean white dresses +and topis to face the burning, shining face of India. There was little +to see and nothing to do, and we walked about getting hungrier and +hungrier, and yet when breakfast-time did come we found we were too +excited to eat. + +When we got into the dock we saw all the people who had come to meet +us penned like sheep into enclosures, and we leaned over the side +trying to make out the faces of friends. Presently they were allowed +to come on board, and I, eagerly watching, spied Boggley bounding up +the ladder, and the next moment we were clutching each other wildly. +But our greeting--what it is to be Scots!--was merely "Hallo! there +you are!" I need not have worried about what I would say when I met +him--yes, I was silly enough to do that--for he is just the same dear +old Boggley, hair as red, eyes as blue and as short-sighted, mouth as +wide as ever. I think his legs are even longer. The first thing he did +when he came on board was to fall over someone's dressing-bag, and +that made us both laugh helplessly like silly children. I introduced +him to G. and the others, and by this time G. had found her sister, +and soon they were all talking together, so G. and I slipped away to +look out for people in whom we were interested. Very specially did we +want, to see Mr. Albert Murray, and when we did see him he was almost +exactly what we had expected--small, sandy-haired, his topi making +his head look out of all proportion, and with a trodden-on look. We +noticed the little man wandering aimlessly about, when a voice from +the music-room door saying "Albert" made him start visibly, and +turning, he sidled up to our cabin companion, who kissed him severely, +while he murmured, "Well, m' dear, how are you?" Seeing us standing +near she said, "Well, good-bye, girls. I hope you'll have a good time +and behave yourselves;" and then, turning to her husband, by way of an +introduction, she added, "These are the girls who shared my cabin." +Mr. Albert shuffled his topi and looked at us with kind, blinking +eyes, but attempted no remark. The last we saw of him he was tugging +the hat-box in the wake of his managing wife. G. looked at me +solemnly. "We had little to complain of," she said; "we weren't +married to her." + +The husband of the Candle was the greatest surprise. I had +imagined--why, I don't know--that that lady's husband would be tall +and red-faced, with a large moustache and loud voice and manner, +someone who would match well with the Candle. Instead, we beheld a +dark, thin-faced man with a stoop, a man who looked like a scholar and +spoke with a delightful, quiet voice. He addressed the Candle as Jane. +_Jane!_ If it had been Fluffy, or Trixie, or Chippy, or even Dolly, +but, with that hair, that complexion, that voice, that troop of +attendant swains, to be called Jane! The thing was out of all reason. +I wonder all the widespread family of Janes, with their meek eyes +and smoothly braided hair, don't rise up and call her anything but +blessed. Oh, I know there was no thought of pleasing me when she was +christened, but still--Jane! + +It was rather sweet to watch the little family groups, the mother +assuring a bored, indifferent infant that this was its own daddy, and +the proud father beaming on both. + +The self-conscious bridegrooms sidling up to their blushing brides +afforded us much amusement. Some had not seen each other for five +years. I wonder if one or two didn't rue their bargains! It seems to +me a terrible risk! + +I could have gone on watching the people for a long time, but Boggley +was anxious to be off; so after tearful farewells and many promises to +write had been exchanged, we departed. + +The special Providence that looks after casual people has guided +Boggley to quite a nice house in a nice part of the town. Many +Government people who are in Calcutta only for the cold weather--I +mean those of them who are burdened not with wealth but +women-folk--find it cheaper and more convenient to live in a +boarding-house. Does that conjure up to you a vision of Bloomsbury, +and tall grey houses, and dirty maid-servants, and the Passing of +Third Floor Backs? It isn't one bit like that. This boarding-house +consists, oddly enough, of four big houses all standing a little +distance apart in a compound. They are let out in suites of rooms, and +the occupants can either all feed together in the public dining-room +or in lonely splendour in their own apartments. We have five rooms on +the ground floor. Of the two sitting-rooms one is almost quite dark, +and is inhabited by a suite of furniture, three marble-topped tables +on which Boggley had set out the few photographs and trifles which he +hasn't yet lost, and a sad-looking cabinet; the other opens into +the garden, and is a nice cheerful room. The dark room we have made +Boggley's study; as he only uses it at night, it doesn't matter about +the want of light, and there is a fine large writing-table which holds +stacks of papers. We got the marble-topped tables carried into the +cheery room and covered them with tablecloths from a shop in Park +Street, bought rugs for the floor and hangings for the doors, and with +a few cushions and palms and flowers the room is quite pretty and +home-like. I like the chairs, enormous cane things with long wooden +arms which Boggley says are meant for putting one's feet on, and most +comfortable. + +Boggley's bedroom is next his study, but I have to take a walk before +I come to mine, out of the window,--or door, I'm never sure which it +is,--down some steps, then along a garden-walk, round a corner, and +up some more steps, where I reach first a small ante-room and then my +bedroom. Like the other rooms, it is whitewashed and has a very high +ceiling. Some confiding sparrows have built a nest in a hole in the +wall, and--and this is really upsetting--there are _ten_ different +ways of entering the room, doors and windows, and half of them I can't +lock or bar or fasten up in any way. What I should do if a Mutiny +occurred I can't think! My bed with its mosquito-curtains stands like +a little island in a vast sea of matting, and there are two large +wardrobes, what they call _almirahs_, a dressing-table, and two +chairs. It is empty and airy, and that is all that is required of a +bedroom. + +The four houses, as I told you, stand in a compound. It isn't exactly +a garden, for there are lots of things in it that we would consider +quite superfluous in a self-respecting garden. There is a good tennis +lawn, plots of flowers, trimly-kept walks bordered with poinsettias, +and trees with white, heavily-scented flowers, and opposite my bedroom +is a little stone-paved enclosure where two cows and two calves lead +a calm and meditative existence! And further, there are funny little +huts scattered about where one catches glimpses of natives at their +devotions or slumbering peacefully. Imagine in the middle of a garden +at home coming on a cowhouse or a shanty! But this is India. + +Boggley conducted me round, both of us talking hard all the time. He +had so many questions to ask and I had so much to tell: all the home +news and silly little home jokes--Peter's latest sayings--things that +are so amusing to tell and to hear but lose all their flavour written. +You remember Boggley's wild bursts of laughter? He laughs just the +same now, throws his head back and shouts in the most whole-hearted +way. We talked from 11 a.m. till tea-time without a break--talked +ourselves hoarse and thirsty. After tea we drove on the Maidan, up +and down the Red Road in an unending stream of carriages and motors, +shabby _tikka-gharries_ and smart little dogcarts (called here +tum-tums)--all Calcutta taking the air. One might almost have imagined +oneself in the Park, if it had not been that now and again a strange +equipage would pass filled with natives, men and boys gorgeous in +purple and scarlet and gold, or closed carriages like boxes on wheels, +in which sat dark-skinned women demurely veiled. From the Red Road we +drove to the Strand, a carriage-way by the river where the great +ships lie, and watched the sun set and the spars and masts become +silhouetted against the red sky. Then darkness fell almost at once. + +My mind was a chaos when I went to bed after my first day in India, +and I slept so soundly that when I woke I had no idea where I was. All +re-collections of the voyage and arrival were wiped from my memory and +I was filled first with vague astonishment and then with horror to +find myself surrounded by filmy white stuff through which peered a +black face. It was only my _ayah_, a quaint, small person, wrapped +in a white _sari_, with demure, sly eyes and teeth stained red with +chewing betel-nut, looking through the mosquito-curtains to see if the +Miss Sahib was awake and would like _chota-hazri_. She embarrasses +me greatly slipping about with her bare feet, appearing when I least +expect her or squatting on the floor staring at me fixedly. I know +no Hindustani and she knows perhaps three English words, so our +conversation is limited. The silence gets so on my nerves that I drop +hairbrushes and things to make a little disturbance, and it gives her +something to do to pick them up. I must at once learn some Hindustani +words such as pink, blue, and green, and then I shall be able to tell +Bella what dress to lay out, and her place won't be such a sinecure. I +call her Bella because it is the nearest I can get to her name and it +has a homely sound. + +The rest of my impressions I shall keep for my next letter. I have +written this much to give you an idea of my surroundings, and you see +I have taken your interest for granted. Are you bored? Of course you +will say you are not, but if I could see your face I should know. + +The home mail arrives here on Sunday, when people are having what +they call a "Europe morning," and have time to read and enjoy their +letters. When you wrote you had just had my mail from Marseilles. +How far behind you are! It was too bad of me to write such pitiful +letters, but I think I was too miserable to pretend. Now I am very +well off, and no one could be more utterly thoughtful and kind than +old Boggley. I am sure I shall never regret coming to India, and +it will be something to dream about when I am a douce +Olivia-sit-by-the-fire. + +You speak of rain and mud and fog, and it all seems very far away from +this afternoon land. The winter will soon pass, and, as you nicely put +it, I shall return with the spring. + + +_Calcutta, Nov. 21_. + +It is the witching hour of 10 a.m. and I am sitting in my little +ante-room--boudoir, call it what you will--immersed in correspondence, +Boggley, hard-worked man that he is, has departed for his office +followed by a _kitmutgar_ carrying some sandwiches and a bottle of +soda-water, which is his modest lunch. Really a Government servant's +life is no easy one. He is up every morning by six o'clock, and gets a +couple of hours' work done before breakfast. His office receives him +at ten and keeps him till four, when he comes home and has tea, after +which we ride or drive or play tennis somewhere. A look in at the Club +for a game of billiards, more work, dinner, and, if we are not going +to a dance or any frivolity, a quiet talk, a smoke, a few more +papers gone through, bed, and the long Indian day is over. All day +_chuprassis_, like attendant angels, flit in and out bearing piles of +documents marked Urgent, which they heap on his writing-table. I begin +greatly to dislike the sight of them. + +So you see I have of necessity many hours alone, at least I have some, +and I would have more if G. didn't live within a few minutes' walk, +and every morning, armed with a large green-lined parasol and +protected by her faithful topi, come round to pass the time of day +with me. Her sister, Mrs. Townley, is a very nice woman and kindness +itself to me. I can say, like the Psalmist, that goodness and mercy +follow me. I started from London knowing no one, yet in twenty-four +hours I was fast friends with G. and afterwards with quite a lot of +people on board. I thought when I landed in Calcutta I would be a +stranger in a strange land and have no one but Boggley, "instead of +which" I have G. quite near, and Mrs. Townley says I must come to them +any minute of the day I want to; and there are others equally kind. +You don't want me to give you a detailed account of Calcutta, do +you? It wouldn't interest you to read it, and it certainly wouldn't +interest me to write it. When my friends go wandering and write me +home long descriptions of the places of interest (falsely so called) +which they visit, I read them--oh! I read them faithfully--but I am +sadly bored. Somehow people interest me more than places. That being +so, I shall only inflict on you a little of Calcutta. I like it +immensely. They laugh at me for saying it is pretty, but I do think it +is quite beautiful. It is so much greener than I expected, and I like +the broad streets of pillared houses standing in their palm-shaded +compounds. The principal street is called Chowringhee, and it has some +fine buildings and really excellent shops, where one can buy quite as +pretty things as in London, only, of course, they are of necessity +more expensive; it costs a lot to bring them out. The Clubs are in +this street, the Bengal Club, and the United Service where my brother +would even now be leading a comfortable bachelor existence if he +hadn't had a bothering sister to provide a habitation for. + +Chowringhee faces the Maidan, a very large park containing among other +things a race-course, and cricket and football grounds. The word +Maidan is Arabic and Persian and Hindustani for an open space, and I +hope you like the superior way I explain things to you. You, who +can be silent in so many languages, will probably know what Maidan +means--but no matter. + +This, then, is the European Calcutta, clean and spacious and pleasant, +but not nearly so interesting as the native part. Turn down a side +street, walk a little way and you are in a nest of mean streets, +unpaved, dirty, smelling vilely, lined with open booths, where squat +half-naked men selling lumps of sticky sweetmeats and piles of things +that look like unbaked scones and other strange eatables; and little +naked babies tumble in the dust with goats and puppies. It seems to +me that I go about asking "Why?" all day and no one gives me a +satisfactory answer to anything. Why, for example, should we require a +troop of servants living, as we do, in a kind of hotel? And yet there +they are--Boggley's bearer and my _ayah_--I can see some reason for +their presence--a _kitmutgar_ to wait on us at table and bring tea in +the afternoon, another young assistant _kitmutgar_ who scurries like a +frightened rabbit at my approach, a delightful small boy who rejoices +in the name of _pani-wallah_, whose sole duty is to carry water for +the baths, the _dhobi_ who washes our clothes by beating them between +two large--and I should say, judging by the state of the clothes, +sharp--stones, losing most of them in the process, and a _syce_ or +groom for each pony. Seated, as one sometimes sees them, in rows on +the steps, augmented by a _chuprassi_ or two, brilliant in uniform +they make a sufficiently imposing spectacle. I have few words, but I +look at them in as pleasant a way as I know how, partly because I like +to be friends with servants, and partly because I'm rather afraid of +them and don't want to rouse them to Mutiny or do anything desperate, +but Boggley discouraged me at the outset. "You needn't grin at them +so affably," he remarked, "they will only think you are weak in the +head." They quite evidently regard me as a poor creature, even Bella, +though she humours me and condescends to say "pretty pretty," or +"nicey nicey" when I am dressed in the evening. I think she must once +have nursed children, for the words she knows are baby words; she +always calls me "poor Missy baba" and strokes me! The _pani-wallah_ +finds amusement in practising his English on me. When he sees G. come +through the compound, he bounds to my room, holds up the _chick_ and +announcing "Mees come," retires, stiff with pride at his knowledge of +the language. + +I have learned a few useful Hindustani words. _Qui hai_ means roughly, +"Is anyone there?" and you cry that instead of ringing a bell, and it +brings the instant response "_Huzoor_," and a servant springs from +nowhere to do your bidding. _Lao_ means "bring" and _jao_ "go." You +never say "please," and you learn the words in a cross tone--that is, +if you want to be really Anglo-Indian. Radical M.P.s of course will +learn "please" at once, if there is such a word in the language, +which I doubt. One nice globe-trotting old lady, anxious, like me, to +conciliate the natives, was having a cup of chocolate at Peliti's, and +she insisted on sending out to see if the _tikka-gharry wallah_ would +like a cup! + +A _tikka-gharry_ is a thing like a victoria, hired by the hour. There +are first, second, and third class _tikka-gharries_. The first class +have two horses, the second one horse, and the third is closed, and, +having no springs, is a terrible vehicle indeed. The drivers of these +carriages have, as a rule, long whiskers, and are dressed in khaki. +They have bags of provender for the horses tied behind the conveyance, +where also precariously hangs another man who might be the +twin-brother of the driver. I don't know why he is there, but there he +is. + +G. and I love to set out in a _tikka-gharry_ and practise our +Hindustani. Starting early when it is fairly cool--Indian cold weather +mornings are the most wonderful things, so fresh and so bright and so +blue--G. starts us off at a mad gallop by shouting _Juldi jao_, which +I have to calm down with _Asti asti_ (slower). When we reach Peliti's +we cry _Roko_ (stop), and get out to buy caramels, chocolates, and +cakes for tea. Peliti has a peculiarly delicious kind of chocolate +cake, the recipe for which I wish he would confide to Fuller or +Buszard. But it isn't the European shops, good as they are, that +occupy our mornings. Much more fascinating haunts await us, the New +Market and the China Bazaar. The former is a kind of arcade which +contains everything that any reasonable person could require; fragrant +fruit and flowers, fresh-smelling vegetables, and the wares of butcher +and baker and candlestick-maker, all laid out on booths and stalls for +the world to choose from. + +There, very early in the morning, come the _khansamahs_ of the +various Mem-sahibs and buy all that is needed for the day, while +the Mem-sahibs are cosy in bed, needing not to worry about house, +visitors, or forthcoming dinner-parties. Housekeeping is easy in +India. Boggley thought we had better ask some people to dinner, so we +did, though I pointed out that we had no silver or anything to make +the table decent; and the boarding-house things are none too dainty. +"It'll be all right," said Boggley, "leave it to the servants;" so I +engaged the private dining-room--and left it. I rather trembled when +the evening came and our party walked in, but I needn't have. The +servants were worthy of their trust. The table looked charming, and, +as I had never seen any of the things before, I had a more interesting +time than usually falls to the hostess. What I sincerely hoped was +that none of the guests had seen any of the things before either, but +if they had they possessed great control of their countenances. + +Eatables, however, are by no means the only things to be found in +the New Market. Silks, muslins, chicon-work, silver ornaments, +and jewellery keep us breathless, while the pleasant shopman in a +frock-coat and turban offers them at what he calls "killin'" prices. + +The China Bazaar is much farther into the city, quite in the native +quarter. It is a real adventure to make an expedition there, and the +owners allow us to poke in back rooms from which we unearth wondrous +treasures in the way of old brass vases; queer, slender-necked +scent-bottles still faintly smelling of roses; old lacquer boxes, and +bits of rich embroidery. I am becoming a Shylock in the way I beat +down prices. I shouldn't wonder a bit when I go home and am ruffling +it once more in Bond Street if, when told the price of a thing is a +guinea, I laugh in a jocular way and say, "Oh! come now, I'll give you +ten shillings." + +But to return to Hindustani. I haven't told you all I know. I can ask +for _tunda_ beef, which is cold beef, just as _tunda pani_ is cold +water, _gurrum pani_ being hot! I can order what I want at meals. At +first when I wanted boiled eggs and heard Boggley order _unda bile_, I +remonstrated, "Not under-boiled, hard-boiled," until it was explained +to me that _unda_ meant egg. The native can't say any word beginning +with s without putting a _y_ before it, thus--y-spice beef, y-street. +When men come to see us I cry, "_Qui hai?_" and, when the servant +appears, order "_Peg lao--cheroot lao_," and feel intensely +Anglo-Indian and rather fast. One trait the language has which appeals +greatly to me is that one can spell it almost any way one likes, but +that is enough about Hindustani for one letter. + + +_23rd_. + +I have come in from a ride with Boggley. The proper time to ride is +early morning, but I am too lazy and too timid to go when the place is +crowded, and so we ride in the cool of the evening, when we have the +race-course almost to ourselves. I ride one of Boggley's polo ponies, +Solomon by name. Boggley says he is as quiet as a lamb, but I am not +sure that he is speaking the strict truth; he has some nasty little +ways, it seems to me. He bites for one thing. We were riding with a +man the other night and quite suddenly his pony got up in the air and +nearly threw him. _Solomon had bitten him_. The man looked at me as +if it were my fault, and I regret to say I laughed. He has also an +ungentlemanly way of trying to rub me off against the railings, and +then again, for no apparent reason, he suddenly scurries wildly across +the Maidan while I pull desperately, but impotently, with fingers weak +from fright. Boggley coming behind convulsed with laughter, merely +remarks that I am a _funk-stick_--which, I take it, means the worst +kind of coward. + + +_29th_. + +Think where I have been for the last three days! + +Down the river in a launch. That kind Mrs. Townley was taking G. and +asked Boggley if I might go. We had to leave on Saturday morning +before seven to catch the tide, so I warned Bella that she must bring +my _chota-hazri_ before six; but I woke and found it was after six, +and there were no signs of the perfidious little black Bella. I wasn't +nearly ready when G. rushed in, but I threw on garments and we +fled, while Boggley, in his dressing-gown, followed with a parting +benediction of Peliti's cake as a substitute for tea and toast. We +found the launch delightfully comfortable, not to say luxurious. It +had been done up for some of the royalties who were out here. There +were only we three on board and three young sailor men, so it was a +blessedly peaceful three days. We lay on deck and watched the life +of the river, all the ships a-sailing, big ships from Dundee and +Greenock, German ships, French ships, every kind and nationality of +ships down to the curious native craft. Sometimes we passed a little +village on the river-bank with a temple and an idol on a mound. When +we anchored in the afternoon two of the officers went on shore to +shoot, and the sailors let down a net and caught delicious fish for +dinner. I did wish Peter had been there. He would have felt like +Robinson Crusoe and rejoiced in it all. At dinner the young men told +us wonderful stories of their adventures with snakes and tigers. One +man said that he was having his bath one morning when a snake came +up the pipe. When it saw him it went down again, but as it was +disappearing he pulled it back by its tail. Again it tried to go down +and again he pulled it back, and then the snake took a look at him and +went down tail first. + +I believed every word, but when I came home and related the amazing +tales to Boggley he received them with derisive shouts of laughter, +and said they had been spinning us sailors' yarns. + +The mail was waiting here when I came back yesterday. Thanks so much +for your letter. I am immensely interested in all your news, but I +have left myself no time to answer you properly, as this must be +posted to-day. + +_N.B_.--The two queerest things I have noticed in Calcutta up to now +are: + +(_a_) That when a man goes out to tennis and stays to dinner his +bearer carries his dress-clothes _wrapped in a towel_. + +(_b_) Kippered herrings come to the table _rolled up in paper_. + + +_Calcutta, Dec. 2_. + +I don't think I like this casting of bread upon the water; I never +know which loaf it is I am receiving again. You reply to things I had +forgotten I had written, and it is rather bewildering. + +When you get this you will be settled down in Germany. I am sorry you +have left London for one reason, and that a purely selfish one. I +shan't be able to imagine you in your new surroundings, and in London +I knew pretty well what you would be doing every minute of the day. +Knowing, as we do, many of the same people, when you wrote "I have +been dining with the Maxwell-Tempests to meet the So-and-sos," I could +picture it all even to little Mrs. Maxwell-Tempest's attitudes. I +was only in Germany once for three days, and I came away with an +impression of a country weird as to food, feathery as to beds, and +crammed full of soldiers; but I dare say it is a very good place to +write a book. And now--my heartiest congratulations on having a book +to write. It sounds--pardon me for saying it--a very dull subject, but +if I were a little wiser I expect I should see how important it +is, and anyway I have enough sense to perceive that it is a great +compliment to be asked to write it. What fun to be a man and have a +career! In my more exalted moments it is sometimes borne in on me that +I should have been a man and a diplomatist. I feel, though I admit +with no grounds to speak of, that I might have been a great success in +that most interesting profession. One never knows, and by putting my +foot in it very conscientiously all round, I might have earned for +myself a reputation of Machiavellian cunning! + +What do you think I met at dinner last night? A Travelling Radical +Member of Parliament! + +Of course I had read of them--often--and knew exactly what sort of +creatures they are--fearful wild fowl who come to India for six +weeks-- + + "Comprehend in half a mo' + What it takes a man ten years or so + To know that he will never know," + +tell the native they want to be a brother to him, and go home to write +a book about the way India is misgoverned. + +I was delighted at the prospect of seeing one quite close at hand. I +pictured a strong still man with a beard, soft fat hands, and a sob +in his voice that, at election times, would touch the great, deep +throbbing Heart of the People. Instead, I beheld a small, thin man, +with eyes as tired as any of the poor sun-dried bureaucrats, and a +wide mouth with a humorous twitch at the corners; a man one couldn't +imagine wanting to touch anything so silly as the Heart of the People. +He talked, I noticed, very little during dinner, but the men were +unusually long in joining us afterwards, and as Boggley clambered +after me into the _tikka-gharry_ that was to take us home: "That's a +ripping fellow!" said Boggley. + +Another illusion shattered! + +I hasten to set your mind at rest on one point. I have a chaperon, and +a very nice, though entirely unnecessary, one. Her name is Mrs. Victor +Ormonde, and she knows my people at home; that is why she bothers with +me. She is a most attractive woman to look at, tall, dark and slender, +with the dearest little turned-up nose, which makes her look rather +impertinent, and she is a little inclined to be sniffy to some people; +she considers Calcutta women suburban! Her husband is quite different, +friends with everyone, a cheerful soul and as Irish as he can be. He +is very fond of chaffing his exclusive wife. "Now do be affable," he +implored her the other night, before they went to a large and somewhat +mixed gathering. "And was she affable?" I asked next morning. "Oh! +rollin' about on the floor," was the obviously untrue reply. + +You ask how I like the Anglo-Indian women, and I don't know quite what +to say. It is the old story. When they are nice they are very, very +nice, but when they are nasty they are _horrid_. Some of them I simply +hate. They give me such nasty little stabs the while they smile and +pretend to be pleasant! + +I am quite capable of giving back as good as I get, but it isn't worth +while, because if one does yield to the temptation, afterwards one +feels such a worm. There is no doubt it is more difficult in India +than at home to obey the command of one's childhood: "to behave pretty +and be a lady." What is a lady exactly? I used to be told that a +lady was one who always said "please" when asking for more +bread-and-butter, and who never bit the fingers of her gloves. That +was simple. "And what'll I be if I'm not a lady?" I asked. "You'll be +common," said the nurse severely, and then and there, because snatched +bread-and-butter was sweet and gloves chewed in secret pleasant, I +registered a vow that common I would be. A dear little lady I met +the other day, talking about her sister Mem-sahibs, said airily, "Of +course we very soon lose complexions, manners, and morals." She could +afford to say so, it being so obviously untrue in her case. I think it +is just this, that the women who are pure gold grow more charming, but +the pinch-beck wears off very soon. The Eastern sun reveals blemishes, +moral and physical, that would pass unnoticed in the murkier +atmosphere of England. The wonder to me is that anyone keeps nice when +one thinks of the provocation there is to deteriorate. The climate, +the lack of any serious occupation to take up their days, the constant +round of gaieties indulged in partly, I believe, to keep themselves +from thinking, the ever-present anxiety about the children at +home--oh! there is much one could say if one held a brief for the +Anglo-Indian women. + +Calcutta society is made up of Government people, Army people, +and business people who are called, for some unknown reason, +_box-wallahs_. It seems very strange that there should be such a +desire to go one better than one's neighbour, to have better horses, a +smarter carriage, a larger house, smarter gowns, because, at least in +the case of the Civil Service people, their income is known down to +the last rupee. + +Everybody in India is, more or less, somebody. It must be a very sad +change to go home to England and be (comparatively) poor and shabby, +and certainly obscure, to have people remark vaguely they suppose +you are "something in India." I suppose we are all snobs at heart. +Snobbery, sir, doth walk about the orb like the sun, it shines +everywhere. A good lady talked to me quite seriously lately about what +the Best People in Calcutta did. It has become a light table joke with +us, and when I plant my elbows on the table and hum a tune while we +are waiting for the next course at dinner, Boggley mildly inquires, +"Do the Best People do that?" + +It is a subject I never gave much attention to, but now awful doubts +assail me. Am I the Best People? One thing is certain: I am of very +little importance. I am only a _chota_ Miss Sahib and my _chota_-ness +is my great protection. No one is going to bother much what I do, or +trouble to pull my clothes and my conduct to pieces, and I can creep +along unnoticed to a great extent; I watch the game and find it vastly +entertaining. + +It grieves me to say that I am one of the class who ought to remain +in England. There I am quite a nice person up to my lights, fairly +unselfish, loving my neighbour as myself. But I have proved myself +pinchbeck. No, you needn't say I'm sweet, I'm not. I find myself +saying the most detestable things about people. Oblivious of the beam +in my own eye, I stare fixedly and reprovingly at the mote in my +neighbour's. Could anything be more unlovable? + +I get no encouragement to be a cat from Boggley. Everyone is his very +good friend. + +"Mrs. Wright called to-day," I remark at tea. + +"Did she?" says Boggley. "She's a nice little woman; you'll like her." + +"She makes up," I say, "and she had on a most ridiculous hat. Mrs. +Brodie says she's a dreadful flirt." + +"Rubbish!" says Boggley; "she's a very good sort and devoted to her +husband." + +"Mrs. Brodie says," I continue, "that she is horrid to other women and +tries to take away their husbands. It _is_ odd how fond Anglo-Indian +women are of other people's husbands." + +"Much odder," Boggley retorts, "that you should have become such a +little backbiting cat! You'll soon be as bad as old Mother Brodie, and +_she's_ the worst in Calcutta." + +This is the Christmas mail, and I have written sixteen letters, but +I can't send presents except to Mother and some girls, for I haven't +seen a single thing suitable for a man. Poor Peter wailed for a monkey +or a mongoose, but I told him to wait till I came home and I would do +my best to bring one or both. + +I can only send you greetings from a far country. + +You know you will never be better than I wish you. + + +_Calcutta, Dec. 10_. + +Dear Mr. Oliver Twist,--I really don't think I can write longer +letters. They seem to me very long indeed. I am not ashamed of their +length, but I am ashamed, especially when I read yours, of their +dullness and of the poverty-stricken attempt at description. How is it +that you can make your little German town fascinating, when I can only +make this vast, stupefying India sound dull? It wouldn't sound dull if +I were telling you about it by word of mouth. I could make you see it +then; but what can a poor uninspired one do with a pen, some ink, and +a sheet of paper? + +I have been employing a shining hour by paying calls. You must know +that in India the new arrival does not sit and wait to be called +on, she up and calls first. It is quite simple. You call your +carriage--or, if you haven't aspired to a carriage, the humble, useful +_tikka-gharry_--and drive away to the first house on the list, where +you ask the _durwan_ at the gate for _bokkus_. If the lady is not +receiving, he brings out a wooden box with the inscription "Mrs. +What's-her-name Not at home," you drop in your cards, and drive on to +the next. If the box is not out, then the _durwan_, taking the cards, +goes in to ask if his mistress is receiving, and comes back with her +salaams, and that means that one has to go in for a few minutes, but +it doesn't often happen. The funny part of it is one may have hundreds +of people on one's visiting list and not know half of them by sight, +because of the convenient system of the "Not-at-home" box. + +The men's calling-time is Sunday between twelve and two. Such a +ridiculous time! One is certainly not at one's best at that hour. +Isn't it the Irish R.M. who talks of that blank time of day when +breakfast has died within one and lunch is not yet? I find it, on the +whole, entertaining, though somewhat trying; for Boggley, you see, has +to be out paying calls on his own account, and so I have to receive my +visitors alone. It is quite like a game. + +A servant comes in and presents me with a card inscribed with a name +unfamiliar, and I, saying something that sounds like "Salaam do," wait +breathless for what may appear. A man comes in. We converse. + +I begin: "Where will you sit?" (As there are only four chairs in the +room, the choice is not extensive.) + +THE MAN _(seated and twirling his hat)_: "You have just come out?" + +MYSELF: "Yes, in the _Scotia_." Remarks follow about the voyage. + +THE MAN: "What do you think of India?" + +MYSELF: "Oh, rather nice, don't you think?" + +THE MAN: "Oh, quite a decent place--what?" + +Again the servant appears, this time with two cards. Again I murmur +the Open Sesame, and two more men appear. No. 1 gets up to go, +shakes hands with me in a detached way, and departs, and the same +conversation begins again with the new-comers, until they, in their +turn, leave when someone else comes in. It seems to be etiquette to go +away whenever another visitor arrives. I didn't understand this, and +when a man came whom I knew well in my childhood's days and, after a +few minutes' stay, got up to depart, I grabbed his hand and said, "Oh, +won't you stay and have a talk?" He, very nicely, stayed on, and we +did have a delightful talk; but Victor Ormonde, who happened to be +present, has never ceased to chaff me about it. When we dine with +them and get up to go he says in thrilling accents, with an absurdly +sentimental air, "Oh! _won't_ you stay and have a talk?" + +I do think India makes very nice men. Almost every man I have met +has been delightful in his own way.... I had just written that last +sentence when a servant brought in a card inscribed "Colonel Simpson." +I got my sunshade and walked round to my sitting-room, where I found a +tall, pensive-looking man. Thinking he must be a friend of Boggley's, +I held out my hand frankly, and having shaken it, the man went on +holding it. + +Like Captain Hook, I murmured to myself, "This is unusual," but I +tried to conceal my astonishment, and we sat down together on the +sofa. Then he began to _feel my pulse_. By this time I had made up my +mind he must be a lunatic, and I had a wild idea of snatching away my +hand and making a bound for the window; but feeling that my legs were +too weak with fright to be of any real use to me, I remained seated. + +"Are you sick?" he asked. + +"Not in the least, thank you," I stammered. + +A doubtful look flickered over his pensive countenance. + +"Are you not my patient?" he asked. + +"No," I answered truthfully. + +"But--I was sent for to a Mrs. Woodward; this was the address, and I +was shown in here." + +He was so upset that I hastened to assure him it did not matter in the +least; that Mrs. Woodward lived above us, and it was quite, quite all +right. But my comforting protestations profited nothing, and the poor +man retired in great confusion, murmuring incoherently. If I had seen +"doctor" on his card I might have been prepared, but who would expect +a Colonel to be a doctor? This confusing India! + + +_Later_, + +This has been a queer day! Nothing but alarums and excursions. G. came +to tea and suggested that afterwards we should go for a drive in a +_tikka-gharry_, it being a more amusing mode of conveyance in G's eyes +than her sister's elegant carriage. So we drove up and down the Red +Road and along the Strand until the darkness came. It rained this +morning--the first rain I have seen in this dusty land--making the +roads quite muddy and the air damp and cold. + +"It's like an evening in England," said G. "Let's get out and walk +home." So we told the driver to _roko_, and G., who had the money to +pay him in her hand, got out first; at least I thought she was out, +but she had paused, balanced on the step, and my slight push knocked +her headlong. How she did it I don't know, but her feet remained in +the _gharry_, while her head was in close conjunction to the horses' +hoofs. I suppose astonishment at this feat must have numbed my finer +feelings, for G. insists I bounded over her prostrate form, grabbed +the money from her hand, and paid the man before I even inquired if +she were killed. When I had time to look at her I was glad it was +getting dark, and that we were in an unfrequented road. Her white +serge costume was mud from head to foot, her hat was squashed out of +shape, and even her poor face bore traces of contact with the Red +Road. At first she couldn't rise, not because she was hurt, but +because she was helpless with laughter. When I did get her on her +feet, I found the only injury was a slight cut on the wrist, and great +was my relief. + +It was a blessing that no native reporters were near, or to-morrow +morning we would see in large letters: SHOCKING AFFAIR IN THE RED +ROAD. ONE EUROPEAN LADY ATTACKS ANOTHER. + +My only fear was tetanus. We have been told such tales of a slight cut +causing death that I hurried G. along until we burst breathless into +a chemist's shop in Park Street and demanded "something to keep away +tetanus!" + +The chemist gave us some permanganate of potash, and for the last hour +I have been bathing the wrist, assisted by Bella, who has ruined two +of my best handkerchiefs in the process. The damaged G. has just +departed, and I do hope won't be much the worse. Such awful things +happen here. You meet people well and strong one day and hear of their +death the next. Death seems appallingly near. One isn't given time to +be ill. Either you are quite well or else you are dead. + +Now I must stop and go and dress, I see Bella fidgeting. When this +reaches you the Old Year will be very near its end. I hate to let +it go: it has been such a good old year. Is it that I forget the +unpleasant parts? Perhaps, but in looking back I seem to remember only +sunny days and pleasant things. + +To you, my friend, I send every possible good wish for the New Year. +May it be the best you have ever had. May it bring you health, wealth, +and, above all, happiness. + + "The world is so full of a number of things, + I am sure we should all be as happy as kings." + +Isn't that a lovable sentiment? + + +_Dec. 19_. + +I am trying to take an interest in Germany and the Germans for your +sake, but, as I told you before, Germany is a place I know little or +nothing about. France--that noble, fine land--I know and love well. +Italy I should like better if there were not so many Madonnas and +Children (or ought I to say Madonnas and Childs?) to look at; +Switzerland is my darling own place, but Germany I have hitherto only +associated with Goethe whom as a poet I dislike, large sausages, and +theological doubts. Your description makes me feel that I may have +misjudged the country and the people; in fact, your little town sounds +a most attractive place to live in. No, I don't think I would expect +you to make friends easily. I think you are the sort of man to have +hosts of acquaintances and only one or two real friends. You know, you +rather scare people. I think it is partly your manner and greatly your +monocle; you have such a detached air, and often I have noticed you +very unresponsive when people were trying to be amusing. Oh, I don't +mean you are ever rude, but you are sometimes chilling. If I hadn't +known from Boggley that you were, as he puts it, a perfect jewel, I +think I should have shrunk away from before you that first day we met +and sat next each other at lunch. I remember I talked a great deal of +nonsense, partly, I think, because I was rather afraid of you; and +somehow or other we have always gone on talking nonsense to each other +since. It has become a habit. + +But you don't really want to have a great crowd of friends, do you? It +is only weak-minded people like myself who flop on any stranger's neck +with protestations of undying affection. It is the easiest thing in +the world for any Douglas that ever was to make friends: I think +because we are always willing to laugh at the feeblest jest. Nothing +endears one so quickly to one's fellow-beings as laughing at their +jokes. We have a way, too, of making friends with any casual stranger +we may meet in trains, or coach, or steamer. You superior people, +who, ignoring your fellow-passengers, sit in a corner and read _The +Spectator_, don't know what you miss. The thrilling stories I have +listened to! Once I heard a circumstantial story of a wreck in the +South Seas told by the plucky little wife of the captain, who had +stayed by her husband's side--"Papa" she called him--while the ship +slowly sank on a coral reef, and then drifted about in an open boat +for days before they were rescued. + +It is Mother, however, who meets with the oddest adventures +travelling. One day last summer I saw her off in the Scotch Express +from Euston, comfortably seated in a corner with books and papers, +expecting she would have a nice quiet day. The occupant of the other +corner was a Russian lady, and the friend who saw her off asked Mother +if she would see she had lunch all right, for she knew no English. +This Mother readily promised, and the train started. Mother tried +once or twice to speak to the creature, but, receiving only grunts in +reply, began a book. She hadn't read the first chapter when the old +gentleman opposite said sternly, "Your friend is fainting," and +turning, Mother was just in time to catch the Russian as she slid +to the floor. She wrestled with her for an hour, reviving her with +smelling-salts, and making her comfortable with her air-cushion and +rug, distracted all the time by the yelling of young infants somewhere +near. As soon as she could leave her she went to see what was wrong, +and found twin-babies making day hideous with their din, while their +poor mother lay stretched on a seat, too ill to cope with them. + +She was a missionary's wife, it turned out, on her way home, with no +nurse and much malaria, so, of course, Mother had to stay and nurse +the twins until luncheon was ready, when another Good Samaritan came +and took a turn. While having luncheon she was hailed by a friend, +lately left a widow, who insisted on Mother accompanying her to her +compartment, where she wept on her shoulder while telling her all the +details of her husband's last illness; then back again to nurse the +Russian and the babies until the journey's end, when she emerged +almost as hot, and crumpled, and exhausted as if she had run behind +all the way. + +How heartily, my friend, I agree with you about the tiresomeness of +balls. I think it must be old age approaching, but I can't see any use +in going off at the hour when, under happier circumstances, I would +be thinking of bed, to a hot, crowded ballroom; and just at present +Calcutta is simply congested with balls. I don't like things that cost +a lot; simple little pleasures please me much more. To drive out to +Tollygunge of an afternoon, have tea and a game of croquet, look at +the picture papers, and come quietly home again, is to me the height +of bliss. + +Tollygunge is a club, some miles out of Calcutta, with a race-course, +golf-links, croquet-lawns--a very delectable spot. The correct thing +is to drive out on Sunday morning and have breakfast out in the open +air. Then one sees everyone one knows, and it is very gay; but I think +it is much pleasanter to drive out quietly in the afternoon. + +The road to Tollygunge lies partly through the jungle, past clusters +of native huts where little chocolate-coloured babies roll and chatter +in the sunlit dust. You know, the jungle is quite near Calcutta. +When I lie at nights and listen to the jackals howling, I remember +Kipling's story, and wonder if we were driven out and the jungle were +let in, how long it would be before Calcutta became a habitation for +the beasts of the field. + +Yesterday I drove out with Mrs. Townley and G., and three tired people +we were, too tired even to play the gentle game of croquet; glad to +sit still in comfortable chairs on the greensward and steep ourselves +in the peace and quietness. + +At tea, Chil the kite, hovering in mid-air, watched us jealously. +Suddenly there was a swoop, a dark flutter of wings, a startled squeak +from G., and our cake was gone. That's India! + +Tea finished, while we still sat loath to leave, a curious odour +forced itself upon our attention. G. sniffed. _I_ sniffed. "Whatever +is it?" asked G. Mrs. Townley pointed riverwards to where a thin +column of blue-grey smoke rose and hung like a cloud in the hot, still +air. + +"It's a burning ghat," she said. "They are burning a body." + +And _that_ is India! + +When one is feeling fairly peaceful and secure, something ghastly, +like the smell of burning Hindoo, recalls to one the uncertainty of +all things. We rose to go home, feeling depressed, the smell pursuing +us. + +I have two pieces of news for this letter. + +First, Boggley can take a few days' holiday at Christmas, so he means +to take me to Darjeeling to see if we can catch a glimpse of the +snows. We shall only be there from Saturday afternoon till Monday at +noon, and Boggley says that Kangchenjunga is often cloud-covered for +weeks, so it is a mere chance whether we shall see it. But surely, +surely Kangchenjunga won't be coy with me. I came to India, of course, +in the first place to see Boggley, but in the second place to see the +snows, and I can't believe that the gods will be so unkind as to deny +a humble worshipper of great mountains a sight of the vision glorious. + +The other piece of news is quite important. + +Boggley has got a new billet. What it is I shan't try to explain, +for I don't understand the game of General Post which is played so +frequently among Government officials, but it means that he will have +to go on a tour of inspection all over everywhere, and, what is more, +I shall go too. Isn't it fine? + +Boggley actually hesitated about accepting, because he thought I +should so hate to leave Calcutta and its gaieties to wander in the +jungle. It isn't that I don't enjoy Calcutta; I do, and I am most +grateful to the people who have given me such a good time; but I pine +to see something of the real India. Calcutta might be a suburb of +London. I want to see the native of India, not the fat babu; I want to +live in tents and be a gipsy; I want to have Boggley all to myself. We +have hardly time at present to pass the time of day with each other. + +Boggley tries to frighten me with tales of dak-bungalows and jungly +cooking, but I won't be frightened; I am looking forward to it all too +much. + +We don't go till the beginning of January, so I shall be able to +attend the Drawing-Room and a few other _tamashas_ before we depart. + +This will have to do for a letter this week. I must clean some gloves +now. That is the only useful thing I do, clean G.'s gloves and my own. +We dirty so many pairs of long white gloves, and it is cheaper to +clean them at home. You do it with petrol and a small piece of +flannel, and the result isn't bad, though somewhat streaky. G's part +is to sit on my bed and watch me do it, assisted by Bella on the +floor. It reminds me of the inhabitants of the Scilly Islands, who, +it is said, earn a precarious livelihood by taking in each other's +washings! + + +_Calcutta, Dec. 26_. + +When Kipling wrote his _Christmas in India_ I think he must have been +in a dak-bungalow down with fever, otherwise he would hardly have +painted such a very gloomy picture. I, at least, didn't find it a +mocking Christmas--but then India isn't my grim stepmother, as +Victor Ormonde pointed out to me the other night, I can afford to be +home-sick, can afford to let myself think of the "black dividing sea +and alien plain," because here I have no continuing city. It is the +real exiles, "shackled in a lifelong tether," who may not think, but +must go doggedly through their day's darg. + +I found it an agreeable day, from the morning when I got my presents +and various offerings of flowers, to the evening, when we dined with +some very kind people, and had an amusing time playing childish games. + +I have often seen pictures headed "Christmas in the Tropics," and +looked with sentimental eyes at the people grouped among palm-trees on +a verandah, while the girl at the piano sang what was evidently a song +about "the dear homeland," to judge from the far-away look in the eyes +of all present. It seems a pity to disillusion you, but it isn't at +all like that. To begin with, it was quite chilly, and we were very +glad of the big fire burning in the grate, and we did not look pensive +or far-away, but ate our dinner with great content. I think, perhaps, +Christmas fare is even more uninteresting in India than at home; +turkey tastes more like white flannel, and plum-pudding is stodgier, +and there are no white and scarlet berries or robins; but otherwise it +is really a nicer day than in England. + +Of course I thought a lot about the home people. I imagined Peter +waking and groping for his stocking. Oh, _have_ you forgotten what +it felt like to waken up and remember it was Christmas morning? I +sometimes wish I could still hang up my stocking. There is nothing in +Grown-up Land that equals the thrill the delicious bulginess of the +stocking, gripped in the darkness, gave one. + +I think they would miss me a little at home. I know Mother would often +say, "I wonder what Olivia is doing now!" + +And what kind of Christmas had you? A very festive one, I hope. + +Very many thanks for the book you sent me. You couldn't possibly have +given me anything I like better. Somehow, I have never possessed a +copy of _A Child's Garden of Verses_, and this one, so exquisitely, +specially bound, will be a great treasure. I like, too, your reason +for choosing it. It is nice of you to like my childish reminiscences, +but it is rash to say you wish you had known us then. Looking at us +now, so quiet, so well-behaved, _such_ ornaments to society, you would +be surprised what villains we once were--at least on week-days! We had +what R.L.S. calls a "covenanting childhood." Looking back, it seems +to me that our childhood was a queer mixture of Calvinism and fairy +tales. Calvinism, even now, I associate with ham and eggs--I suppose +because Sabbath morning was the only time we ever tasted that +delicacy. Between bustling Saturday night, when we wistfully watched +our toys being locked away, and cheery Monday morning, when things +began again, there was a great gulf fixed, and that was the Sabbath +Day. What strenuous Sabbath Days we had! First there was worship and +the Catechism. (The only time I ever wished to be English was when +I thought I might have dallied with "What is your name?" instead of +wrestling with such deep things as "What is man's chief end?") After +worship was over we were allowed to walk in the garden till it was +time for the morning service. That was the Forenoon Diet of Worship, +then came the Afternoon Diet of Worship. Having sat like rocks through +them both, we proceeded to the Sabbath School, and then went home to +tea, and cake, and jam, and an evening filled with bound volumes of +_The Christian Treasury_, where we wrestled with tales of religious +bigotry and persecution until we seemed to breathe the very atmosphere +of dark and mouldy cells; and became daringly familiar with the +thumb-screw and the rack, the Inquisition and other devildoms of +Spain. I used to wonder pitifully why it had never occurred to the +poor victims to say their prayers in bed, and thus save themselves +such fiery trials. + +I wonder why I pretend we found our Sundays a trial. Looking back, I +love every minute of them. Father could make any day delightful; and +what a through-the-week Father he was! Sometimes he came to tea with +us in the nursery and made believe there was a fairy called Annabel +Lee in the teapot, carrying on conversations with her that sent eerie +thrills down our several spines. Afterwards he would read out of a +little green and gold book that contained for us all the romance of +the ages between its elegant covers. From Father we heard of Angus the +Subtle, Morag of the Misty Way, and the King of Errin, who rides and +rides and whose road is to the End of Days. Sometimes, laying books +aside, he told us old tales that he had heard from his mother, who in +turn had heard them from hers--of the Red Etain of Ireland who lived +in Belligand, and who stole the King's daughter, the King of fair +Scotland; and the pathetic tale of the bannock that went to see the +world, with its cynical end: "Ah, well! We'll all be in the tod's hole +in less than a hunner years." + +It was Father who gave us first a love for books, and taught us the +magic of lovely words. And it was Father who tried to place our +stumbling little childish feet in the Narrow Way, and to turn our eyes +ever towards a better country--"that is an heavenly!" I suppose it +was the dimly-understood talk of the better country that gave John and +me the idea of our Kingdom. + +It was a great secret once, but now I may tell without breaking faith. +Boggley and the Bird were prosaic people, caring more for bird-nesting +and Red Indian hunting than games of make-believe, so they never knew. +It was part of the sunny old garden, our Kingdom, and was called +Nontland because it was ruled by one Nont. He had once been a common +ninepin, but having had a hole bored through his middle with a red-hot +wire he became possessed of a mystic power and personality. Even +we--his creators, so to speak--stood somewhat in awe of him. + +The River Beulah flowed through Nontland, and it was bounded on the +north by the Celestial Mountains; on the south by the red brick wall, +where the big pears grew; on the west by the Rose of Sharon tree; and +on the east by the pig-sty. That last sounds something of a descent, +but it wasn't really a pig-sty, and I can't think why it was called +so, for, to my knowledge, it had never harboured anything but two +innocent white Russian rabbits with pink eyes. It was situated at the +foot of the kitchen-garden, next door to the hen-houses; the roof, +made of pavement flags, was easy to climb, and, sloping as it did to +the top of the wall overlooking the high-road, was greatly prized by +us as a watch-tower from which we could see the world go by. + +To get into our Kingdom we knocked at the Wicket Gate, murmuring as we +did so: + + "El Dorado + Yo he trovado," + +and it opened--with a push. We hadn't an idea then, nor have I now, +what the words meant. We got them out of a book called _The Spanish +Brothers_, and thought them splendidly mysterious. + +Besides ourselves, and Nont, and the Russian rabbits, there was only +one other denizen of our Kingdom--a turkey with a broken leg, a +lonely, lovable fowl which John, out of pity, raised to the peerage +and the office of Prime Minister. I have a vivid recollection of +riding in hot haste on a rake to tell the King--not in proper fairy +fashion that the skies were fallen, but that Lord Turkey of Henhouse +was dead. + +John, I remember, always carried some fern seed in his trouser-pocket. +He said it made him invisible--a delusion I loyally supported. It +seems to me the sun always shone in those days, the time was ever +three o'clock in the afternoon, and faery lay just adown the road! + +It has just occurred to me, and it is an awesome thought, that you +must converse every day, and all day, in the German language. I +believe I have forgotten all I ever knew of German, though it isn't so +very long ago since I wrestled in tears and confused darkness of mind +with that uncouth tongue. Don't forget your native tongue, and +don't dare write me a letter in German, or, like the Editor of _The +Spectator_, I shall say, "This correspondence must now cease!" + +Since last I wrote life has been one long changing of garments and +moving from one show to another. Tuesday was Viceroy's Cup Day at the +races, a very pretty sight. One side of the ground was crowded by +pretty women in lovely gowns, and on the other side the natives sat in +their hundreds and chattered, not the drab-coloured crowd we produce, +but gay and striking as a bed of tulips. + +There are three stands--one for the members of the Turf Club, one for +the ordinary public, and one for the natives who can afford a seat. +The members of the Turf Club may be said to be the sheep; the others +the goats. It is more comfortable in every way to be a sheep. You get +a better seat and a comfortable tea in an enclosure, with the sight +of the goats scrambling wildly for a little refreshment to keep you +thankful, for in the heat and dust and glare even a sheep is apt to +lose sight of its mercies. I thought G. was the prettiest girl there. +She is always such a refreshing sight, pink and white and golden like +a morning in May, and tall--"like a king's own daughter." + +I was with the Ormondes and, of course, Boggley. Mrs. Ormonde is so +charming, she is a great favourite with men, and is always surrounded +when she goes anywhere by about half a dozen eager for her smiles. She +has the quaintest way of handing her surplus cavaliers on to me, but I +really much prefer Victor and Boggley as companions. They don't need +to be amused like other men, and are always good-natured and funny. + +I am feeling a little pale with all the excitement, and shall be glad +of the change to Darjeeling to-morrow. Next mail you shall hear all +about it--that is to say, if no person, seditiously inclined, derails +the train or does anything horrid. Some very dreadful things have been +happening lately, but I don't think there is much danger so long as we +keep far from the vicinity of dignitaries. + + +_Calcutta, New Year's Day_. + +Wednesday already, the mail goes to-morrow, and I with so much to +write about. + +To begin--we left Calcutta on Friday afternoon and got to the Ganges +about eight, when we embarked in a ferry-boat to cross the river. +It was quite a big steamer, with dinner-tables laid out on deck, +decorated for Christmas with palm-branches, Chinese lanterns, and +large, deadly-looking iced cakes. + +On the other side, the train was waiting that was to take us to +Siliguri, and we lost no time in looking for places. Indian trains are +rather different from our trains. Each carriage has two broad seats +running lengthways, which pull out for sleeping berths, and two other +berths that let down from the roof. I found I had to share a carriage +with two other females, and an upper berth fell to my share. + +The bearer arranged my bed, and Boggley took a glance round, asked if +I were all right, and departed to his own place. Isn't it a queer idea +to carry one's bedding about with one? Pillows, blankets, and a quilt, +all done up in a canvas hold-all, accompany people wherever they +travel--in trains, hotels, even when staying with friends. + +Well, there was I shut up for the night with two strange women, mother +and daughter evidently, American certainly; and the horror of an upper +berth staring me in the face! It is quite an experience to sleep in +the upper berth of an Indian train. To begin with, it takes an acrobat +of no mean order to reach it at all, and once you are in your nose +almost touches the roof of the carriage. As I climbed to my lofty +perch one of the American ladies remarked, "I guess, child, you ain't +going to have the time of your life up there to-night." And I hadn't. +Every time the train gave a jolt--which it did every few seconds--I +clung wildly to the straps to keep myself from descending suddenly and +violently to the floor; and in less than an hour every bone in my body +was crying out against the inhuman hardness of my couch. In spite +of everything, I fell asleep, and awoke feeling colder than I ever +remember feeling before. I started up, banging my head on the roof as +I did so, to find that the carriage door was swinging wide open. What +was to be done? I carefully felt the bumps beginning to rise on my +forehead, and considered. It was, humanly speaking, impossible that +I could descend and shut that door, and yet, could I endure lying +inadequately covered and exposed to all the winds of heaven? There +remained my fellow-travellers--they at least were on the first floor, +so to speak; but as I wavered a striking apparition rose, stalked down +the carriage, and, leaning far out into the night, seized the door and +shut it with a bang. Then arose a shrill protest from beneath me: "Oh, +Mommer, how could you be so careless! You might have fallen out, and I +should have been left quite alone in this awful heathen country!" + +After that there was no more sleep, and when daylight came filtering +through the shutters I slid warily to the floor, and having washed +and dressed, sat on my dressing-bag and conversed amiably with the +Americans. I found them charming and most entertaining, simple, quiet +people; not the shrill-voiced tourist _jat_ at all. They had been +travelling, so they told me, with a sort of dreary satisfaction, for +two years, and they had still about a year to do. It sounded like hard +labour! The poor dears! I can't think why they did it. They would have +been so much happier at home in their own little corner of the world. +I can picture them attending sewing bees, and other quaint things +people do attend in old-fashioned New England storybooks. They had a +servant with them whom they addressed as Ali, a bearded rascal who +evidently cheated them at every turn, and who actually came into their +presence with his shoes on! + +I didn't know till I met these Americans that I was such a wit--or +perhaps wag is a better word. I didn't try to be funny, I didn't even +know I was being funny, but every word I said convulsed them. + +The "Mommer" said to me: + +"Child, are you married?" + +"No," I said, surprised. "Why?" + +"I was just thinking what a good time your husband must have!" + +When we reached Siliguri I was surprised to find everything glistening +with frost, and the few natives who were about had their heads wrapped +up in shawls as if they were suffering from toothache. We got some +breakfast in the waiting-room, and then took our places in the +funniest little toy train. This is the Darjeeling-Himalaya Railway. It +was all very primitive. A man banged with a stick on a piece of metal +by way of a starting-bell, and we set off on our journey to cloudland. + +Eagerly looked for, Darjeeling came at last, but alack! no mountains, +only piled-up banks of white clouds. It was bitterly cold, and we were +glad to get out and stamp up to the hotel, where we found great fires +burning in our rooms. + +There wasn't much to do in the hotel beyond reading back numbers of +_The Lady's Pictorial_, and I went to bed on Saturday night rather low +in my mind, fearing, after all, I was not to be accounted worthy to +behold the mountains. + +Some of the people in the hotel were getting up at 3.30 to go to Tiger +Hill to see the sun rise on Everest. Boggley, the lazy one, wouldn't +hear of going, and when I awoke in the grey dawning stiff with cold, +in spite of a fire and heaps of blankets and rugs, I felt thankful +that I hadn't a strenuous brother. If it had been John, I dare not +think where he would have made me accompany him to in his efforts to +get as near as possible to his beloved mountains. Never shall I forget +the first time he took me to Switzerland to climb. I had never climbed +before--unless you call scrambling on the hills at home climbing--and +I was all eagerness to try till John gave me Whymper's book on Zermatt +to amuse me in the train, and I read of the first ascent of the +Matterhorn and its tragic sequel. It had the effect of reducing me +to a state of abject terror. All through that journey, from Paris to +Lausanne, from Lausanne to Visp, from Visp to Zermatt, horror of the +Matterhorn hung over me like a pall. I even found something sinister +in little Zermatt when we got there--Zermatt that now I love so, with +the rushing, icy river, the cheerful smell of wood smoke, the goats +that in the early morning wake one with the tinkle-tinkle of the bells +through the street, and the quiet-eyed guides that sit on the wall in +the twilight and smoke the pipe of peace. + +After dinner, that first night, we walked through the village and +along the winding path that leads up to the Schwarzsee, and gazed at +the mighty peak, so wild, so savage in the pale purple light that +follows the sunset glow--gazed at it in silence, John wrapped in +adoration, I thinking of the men who had gone up this road to their +death. + +"Yes," said John, as we turned back, "some very scared men have come +down this road." + +If he had known what an exceedingly scared girl was at his side he +wouldn't, I think, have chosen that moment to turn into the little +graveyard that surrounds the village chapel, to look at the graves +of the victims--the graves of Croz the guide, of Hudson, and the boy +Hadow. The text on one stone caught my eye--"_Be ye therefore also +ready..._" It was too much; I fled back to the hotel, locked the door +of my room, shuttered the windows so that I should not see the vestige +of a mountain--and wept. + +It is odd to think how I hated it all that night, how to myself +I maligned all climbers, calling them in my haste +foolhardy--senseless--imbecile, when I had only to go up my first easy +mountain to become as keen as the worst--or the best. + +Sometimes in those mountaineering excursions with John to Zermatt, +to Chamonix, to Grindelwald, I have found it in my heart to envy the +unaspiring people who spend long days pottering about on level ground. +But looking back it isn't the quiet, lazy days one likes to think +about. No--rather it is the mornings when one rose at 2 a.m. and, +thrusting aching feet into nailed boots, tiptoed noisily into the +deserted dining-room to be supplied with coffee and rolls by a +pitifully sleepy waiter. + +Outside the guides wait, Joseph and Aloys, and away we tramp in single +file along the little path that runs through fields full of wild +flowers, drenched with dew, into a fairy-tale wood of tall, straight +pine-trees. We follow the steady, slow footsteps of Joseph, the chief +guide, up the winding path that turns and twists, and turns again, but +rises, always rises, until we are clear of the wood, past the rough, +stony ground, and on to the snow, firm and hard to the feet before the +sun has melted the night's frost. When we reach the rocks, and before +we rope, Aloys removes his ruecksack and proceeds to lay out our +luncheon; for if one breakfasts at two one is ready for the next meal +at nine. Crouched in strange attitudes, we munch cold chicken, rolls +and hard-boiled eggs, sweet biscuits and apples, with great content. +Joseph has buried a bottle of white wine in the snow, and now pours +some into a horn tumbler, which he hands to Mademoiselle with an +air--a draught of nectar. It is John's turn for the tumbler next, and +as he emerges from the long, ice-cold, satisfying drink he declares +his firm intention, his unalterable resolve, never to drink anything +but white wine again in this world. But doubtless as you know, the +white wine of the Lowlands is not the white wine of the mountains. +It needs to be buried in the snow by Joseph, and drunk out of a horn +tumbler, at the foot of an aiguille, after a six hours' climb, to be +at its best. After refreshment comes the hard work. To look at the +face of the rock up which Joseph has swarmed; to say hopelessly, "I +can't do it, I can't," and then gradually to find here a niche for one +hand, here a foothold; to learn to cling to the rock, to use every bit +of oneself, to work one's way up delicately as a cat so as not to send +loose stones down on the climber below, until, panting, one lands +on the ledge appointed by Joseph, there to rest while the next man +climbs, it is the best of sports. And at the top to stand in the +"stainless eminence of air," to look down eight--ten--a thousand feet +to the toy village at the foot while John names all the other angel +peaks that soar round us, tell me, you who are also a climber, is it +not very good? + +But the coming down! Stumbling wearily down the steep paths of the +pine-woods with the skin rubbed off one's toes, and giving at the +knees like an old and feeble horse, that is not so good. And yet--I +don't know. For as we near the valley, puffs of hot, scented air come +up to meet us, the tinkle of the cow-bell greets our ears, and we +realize that it is only given to those who have braved the perils, who +have searched for the deep things of the ancient mountains and found +out the precious things of the lasting hills, to thoroughly appreciate +the pleasant, homely quietness of the meadow-lands. + +But I have wandered miles away from Sunday morning in Darjeeling. + +It was still misty when we went out after breakfast, but not so +solidly misty, so Boggley held out hopes it would clear. + +Darjeeling is a pretty place tucked into the mountain-side. In the +middle is the bazaar, and it happened to be market day, which made it +more interesting. The village street was lined on both sides with open +booths, some piled with fruit and vegetables, others, oddly enough, +with lamps and mirrors and other cheap rubbish which bore the legend +"Made in Germany," others with all sorts of curios. The place was +thronged with people. A few plainsmen and Tibetans Boggley pointed +out, but most of the crowd were hill-people, jolly little squat +men and women hung with silver chains and heavy ear-rings set with +turquoises. Their eyes are very black and all puckered with laughing, +and they have actually rosy cheeks. + +They crowded round, trying to sell us curios and lumps of rough +turquoise. When we asked the price of anything, they replied promptly, +"Twenty rupees." We would offer two rupees, and, after a few minutes' +bargaining, they took it quite cheerfully, the thing probably not +being worth eight annas. I bought a prayer-wheel. It is a round silver +thing with a handle rather like a child's rattle, and inside are slips +of paper covered with writing. These are the prayers, and at intervals +you twirl the wheel round, and the oftener you turn it the more devout +you are. + +I also purchased some lumps of rough turquoise, though Boggley said +they were not a good blue,--too pale,--and was tying them up in my +handkerchief when Boggley gripped my arm. "Look!" he said. I looked +straight across the valley, "Higher," said Boggley, and I lifted +my eyes literally to the skies; and +there--"suddenly--behold--beyond"--were the everlasting snows. + +All day they stayed with us, and as the sun was setting we climbed to +a point of vantage to see the last of them. It has been said they are +a snow-white wall barring the whole horizon. They are like a city +carved by giants out of eternal ice, a city which lieth four-square. +We watched while peak after peak faded into cold greyness; until +Kangchenjunga towered, alone, rose-red into the heavens, sublime in +its "valorous isolation." Then the light left it too, and we turned +and came down from the Hill of God. + +We left for Calcutta at noon on Monday, and I had a thoroughly +over-eaten, uncomfortable day, all owing to Boggley's forethought. +He said as we began breakfast about nine o'clock: "Now eat a good +breakfast, for we shall have to leave before lunch, and no man knows +when we shall get another meal." + +It seemed good common-sense, so I ate an egg and two pieces of toast +after I had really finished. That was all very well, but the hotel +people thoughtfully provided us with a substantial luncheon before we +left. Even then Boggley kept on looking to the future. + +"Oh, tuck in," he said. "We shan't get anything more till eight +o'clock." + +I didn't feel as if I wanted anything ever again, but I hurriedly +gobbled some food, and we raced to the station, then sat in the train +half an hour before it started. + +At the first station we stopped at, the bearer appeared at +the carriage window with a breakfast cup of tea and a large +"y-sponge-cake," ferreted from no man knows where. He was so pleased +with himself that I hadn't the heart to refuse it--so there were three +meals that ought to have been spread over the greater part of the day +crowded into one morning. I sympathized with the vulture, who + + "Eats between his meals, + And that's the reason why + He very, very rarely feels + As well as you and I." + +It is never pleasant to come down from the heights, and we had rather +a dreary journey to Siliguri. + +Boggley had taken care to wire for a lower berth in the train for me, +but it seems ordained that I shall ascend in Indian trains. I again +found myself in a carriage with my Americans, and the daughter had +such bad toothache, and seemed so much to dread the prospect of +mounting to the eyrie, that I had to say that I would rather like it +for myself. + +Toothache kept Miss America awake and made her talkative, which was +unfortunate for me. She wanted to know all about the manners and +customs of the British. She only knew us from the outside, so to +speak. Incidentally she shed a lurid light on the habits of the +American male. It seems that young men in America are expected to +carry offerings of fruit and flowers and candy to young women--not +when they are engaged, mark you; what is expected of them then I +daren't think--but to quite irrelevant young women. "Don't young +gentlemen do so in England?" asked Miss America. "No," I said, feeling +that I was making out my countrymen poor, mean creatures indeed, but +feeling also how much more complicated life would become for these +"gentlemen of England now abed" if they had to carry crates of +oranges, drums of figs, and pounds of candies to every casual young +woman whose acquaintance they enjoyed. + +"You don't say!" said Miss America. "And don't they take you out +driving in their buggies?" + +"_Never_," I replied firmly. "They haven't got them." + +"You don't say! And how does a young gentleman show he admires you?" + +"Well, he doesn't as a rule," I murmured feebly. + +"I guess," she said, "we manage things better in America." And, +indeed, perhaps they do. + +This conversation so exhausted us that we fell very sound asleep, and +knew nothing till we arrived at the station where we had to get out +and change into the ferry-boat. Then there was a terrible scurry. The +servants waiting to pack up the bedding and strap bags--they said they +had wakened us at the previous station, but they must have wakened +someone else instead--while we threw on various articles of clothing, +stuck hats on undone hair, and feet into unlaced shoes, all the while, +like a Greek chorus, the "Mommer" moaning reproachfully, "Oh, Ali, you +might have woke us," while outside on the platform bounded the irate +Boggley speaking winged words. + +We did get on to the boat, so after all there was no harm done. + +I was quite sorry to part with my Americans when we reached Calcutta. +They and their Ali were going on to Benares that night, tired and +spiritless. They shook us both violently by the hand, vowing we were +just "lovely people" and that I was a "real little John Bull!" + +The home mail was waiting us when we got back, and I read my letters, +slept for an hour or two, and then got up and went to a big New Year's +dinner-party, where we had fireworks in our crackers, and sang what G. +calls "Oldlangzine." + +Thanks so much for your delightfully long letter. + +My wrist aches so I can't write another word. + + +_Calcutta, Jan. 8_. + +One more week and we start for the Mofussil and the Simple Life. The +Mofussil, I may remark in passing, is not, as at first I thought, some +sort of prophet, but means simply the country districts. + +I have been standing over Bella while she laid out all my dresses, +telling her which are to be packed carefully and left in Calcutta, and +which are to accompany me. I don't want to take any more luggage than +I can help; as it is, I foresee we shall have a mountain. Boggley has +been begging everyone for the loan of books, as he does not see how +I am to be kept in reading matter when there are no libraries within +reach. He accuses me of being capable of finishing two fat volumes in +a day, but I shan't have time to read much if I carry out my great +project. _I am going to write a book_. You are surprised? But why? +Other members of the family can write, why not I? I read in a review +lately that John has great distinction of style, so perhaps I have +too. Anyway, I have bought a pile of essay-paper and sixpenny-worth of +J nibs, and I mean to find out. It is to be a book about the Mutiny, +the information to be derived from Trevelyan's book on Cawnpore. There +is room, don't you think, for a really good book on the Mutiny? + +Last night the Drawing-Room was held by the Vicereine, a function that +everyone, more or less, is expected to attend. I went with G. and her +sister (one needn't go with the lady who presents one), and found it +most entertaining. Not being the wives or daughters of Members of +Council or anything _burra_, we hadn't the private entree, and had to +wait our turn in pens, like dumb driven cattle. + +It is a much simpler affair than a presentation at home; one need not +even wear veils and feathers, and the trains of our white satin gowns +were modest as to length. It was silly to be nervous about such a +little thing, but I quite shook with terror. I think it was the being +passed along by A.D.C.'s that unnerved me, but when I reached the last +and heard "To be presented," and my name shouted out, I stotted +(do you know the Scots word to stot? It means to walk blindly--to +stumble--that and much more; oh! a very expressive word) over a length +of red carpet that seemed to stretch for miles, feeling exactly as a +Dutch wooden doll looks; saw, as in a glass darkly, familiar faces +that smiled jeeringly, or encouragingly, I could not be sure which; +ducked feebly and uncertainly before the two centre figures; and, +gasping relief, found myself going out of the doorway walking on G.'s +train. + +Afterwards, when we were all gathered upstairs, the many pretty gowns +and uniforms made a gay sight. I saw the dearest little Maharanee +blazing in magnificent jewels and looking so scared, and shy, and +sweet. There was a supper-room, and lots to eat if one could have got +at it, or had had room to eat it after it had been got. I don't like +champagne--"simpkin" they call it here--much to drink, but I like it +less when it is shot down my back by a careless man. + +There is a fancy-dress ball to-night at Government House, and that is +the last of my dissipations for some time to come. + +I go on writing, writing all the time about my own affairs and never +even mention your letters, and nothing makes me so cross as to have +people do that to me. I like my friends to make interested comments on +everything I tell them. + +I am glad you are so happy in your work and enjoy life. Is the book +nearly finished yet? It is nice that you have found such charming +friends. Is the Fraeulein person you talk about pretty? I can imagine +how you enjoy hearing her play and singing to her accompaniment. I +always think of you when I hear good music, and of your face when I +told you that the only music I really liked was Scots songs played +on the pianola! But you know that is really true. I simply hate good +music. + +Once, in Paris, I went with some people to hear _Samson et Delilah_, +and while everyone sat rapt, enchanted by the sweet sounds, I waited +with what patience I could till the stage temple fell, in the vain +hope that some part would hit the tenor. What would your Fraeulein say +to such blasphemy? + +Forgive me maligning the gods of your idolatry. I think I had better +finish this letter before I go on from bad to worse, because I am in +an unaccountably perverse and impertinent frame of mind to-day, and +there is no saying what I shall say next. + + +_Calcutta, Jan. 8_. + +Such a scene of confusion! Everything I possess is lying on the floor. +All the things I have accumulated on my way out and since I came to +Calcutta lie in one heap waiting to be packed; shoes, dresses, hats, +books, photographs are scattered madly about, and in the middle, +almost reduced to idiocy, and making no effort to reduce chaos to +order, sits Bella. I can't help her, for I must get my home letters +written and posted before we leave Calcutta, for before I reach my +first halting-place the mail will be gone. + +Boggley has been in the Mofussil for three days, and I have been +staying with the Townleys. I came back last night. It was nice being +with G. again, and her sister is extraordinarily kind. We had rather +an interesting day on Friday. I have always been asking where are the +Missionaries, but I suppose I must have asked the wrong people, for +they didn't seem to know. However, the other day I met a lady,--Mrs. +Gardner,--the wife of a missionary, who asked us to go to lunch with +her, and promised she would show us something of the work among the +women. So on Friday we set off in a _tikka-gharry_. + +We left the Calcutta we knew--the European shops, the big, cool +houses, the Maidan--and drove through native streets, airless, +treeless, drab-coloured places, until we despaired of ever reaching +anywhere. When at last our man did stop, we found Mrs. Gardner's cool, +English-looking drawing-room a welcome refuge from the glare and the +dust; and she was kindness itself. She made a delightful cicerone, for +she has a keen sense of humour and a wide knowledge of native life. + +We went first to see the girls' school--a quaint sight. All the funny +little women with their hair well oiled and plastered down, with iron +bangles on their wrists to show that they were married, wrapped in +their _saris_, so demurely chanting their lessons! When we went in +they all stood up and, touching their foreheads, said in a queer +sing-song drawl, "Salaam, Mees Sahib, salaam!" The teachers were +native Bible-women. The schoolrooms opened on to a court with a well +like a village pump in the middle. One small girl was brought out to +tell us the story of the Prodigal Son in Bengali, which she did at +great length with dramatic gestures; but our attention was somewhat +diverted from her by a small boy who ran in from the street, hot and +dusty, sluiced himself unconcernedly all over at the pump, and raced +out again dripping. It did look so inviting. + +When we left the school Mrs. Gardner said she would take us to see +some _purdah nashin_ women--that is, women who never go out with their +faces uncovered, and who never see any men but their own husbands. + +I don't quite know what we expected to see--something very Oriental +and luxurious anyhow; marble halls and women with veils and scarlet +satin trousers dotted about on cushions--and the reality was +disappointing. No marble halls, no divans and richly carved tables, +no hookahs and languid odours of rich perfumes, but a room with cheap +modern furniture, china ornaments, and a round table in the middle +of the floor, for all the world like the best parlour of the working +classes. Two women lived there with their husbands and families, and +they came in and looked G. and me all over, fingered our dresses, +examined our hats, and then asked why we weren't married! I could see +they didn't like the look of us at all. They said we were like the +dolls their little girls got at the fete, and produced two glassy-eyed +atrocities with flaxen hair and vivid pink cheeks, and asked if we saw +the resemblance. We didn't. They told Mrs. Gardner--who has been +many years in India, and looks it--that they thought she was much +nicer-looking than we were, her face was all one colour! (They spoke, +of course, in Bengali, but Mrs. Gardner translated.) Poor women! what +a pitifully dull life is theirs! G. was disappointed to hear they +hadn't become Christians. She had an idea that the Missionary had only +to appear with the Gospel story and the deed was done. I'm afraid it +isn't as easy as that by a long way. + +Mrs. Gardner read a chapter from the Bible while we were there, and +these women argued with her most intelligently. They are by no means +stupid. Before we left G. sang to them, with no accompaniment but a +cold stare. When she finished they said they preferred Bengali music, +it had more tune. We left, feeling we had been no success. + +Having seen a comparatively well-to-do household, Mrs. Gardner said +she would show us a really poor one. We followed her through a network +of lanes more evil-smelling than anything I ever imagined--London +can't compete with Calcutta in the way of odours--until we reached a +little hovel with nothing in it but a string-bed, a few cooking-pots, +and two women. Caste, it seems, has nothing to do with money, and +these women, though as poor as it is possible to be, were thrice-born +Brahmins, and received us with the most gracious, charming manners, +inviting us to sit on the string-bed while they stood before us with +meekly folded hands. The dim interior of the hut with its sun-bleached +mud floor, the two gentle brown-eyed women with their _saris_ and +silver anklets, looking wonderingly at G. in her white dress sitting +enthroned, with her blue eyes shining and her hair a halo, made an +unforgettable picture of the East and the West. + +We had tea at the Mission House and met several missionary ladies who +told us much that was interesting about their work, which they seem to +love whole-heartedly. I asked one girl how it compared with work among +the poor at home, and she said, "Well, perhaps it is the sunshine, but +here it is never sordid." I can't agree. To me the eternal sunshine +makes it worse. At home, although the poverty and misery are terrible, +still, I comfort myself, the poor have their cosy moments. In winter +sometimes, when funds run to a decent fire and a kippered herring +to make a savoury smell, a brown teapot on the hob and the children +gathered in, they are as happy as possible for the time being; I have +seen them. I can't imagine any brightness in the lives of the women we +saw. + +To be a missionary in Calcutta, I think one would require to have an +acute sense of humour and no sense of smell. Am I flippant? I don't +mean to be, because I feel I can't sufficiently admire the men and +women who are bearing the heat and burden of the day. And now that +sounds patronizing, and Heaven knows I don't mean to be that. + +Anyway, G. and I were never intended to be missionaries. We drove +home very silent, in the only vehicle procurable, a third-class +_tikka-gharry_, feeling as if all the varied smells of the East were +lying heavy on our chests. Once G. said gloomily, "How long does +typhoid fever take to come out?" which made me laugh weakly most of +the way home. + + +_13th_. + +The day of our departure has come, and Boggley is behaving dreadfully. +Having taken time by the forelock, I am packed and ready, but Boggley +has done nothing. He remarked airily that I must go to the Stores and +get some sheets, a new mosquito-net, and a supply of pots and pans, +and then went off to lunch with someone at the Club, leaving me +speechless with rage. How can I possibly know what sort of pots and +pans are wanted? I never camped out before. I shall calmly finish this +letter and pay no attention to his order. + +We had a farewell dinner last night, the Ormondes and one or two +others. We came into this dismantled room afterwards and talked till +midnight, and amused ourselves vastly. I happened to say that I was +rather scared at the thought of the wild beasts I might encounter, +probably under my camp-bed, in the jungle; so a man, Captain Rawson, +drew out a table for me to take with me into camp. One heave and a +wriggle means a boa-constrictor, two heaves and a growl a tiger--and +so on. So you can imagine me in a tent, in the dead of night, sitting +up, anxiously striking matches and consulting my table as to what is +attacking me. + +Mrs. Ormonde, who is so nervous that if a cracker goes off in her +hearing she thinks it is another Mutiny, is anxious that we should +take guns with us into the Mofussil in case we are attacked. Picture +to yourself Boggley and me setting out "with a little hoard of +Maxims." Armed, I should be a menace alike to friend and foe! + +My first stopping-place is Takai. Boggley is going to some very +far-away place where it wouldn't be convenient to take a female, so +when Dr. and Mrs. Russel asked me to come to them while he is there +I very gladly accepted the invitation. Dr. Russel is a medical +missionary. I don't know him, but his wife, a very clever, interesting +woman, I met when she was last home, and she told me about her home in +the jungle until I longed to see it. Boggley will come for me in about +ten days. Bella I shall leave in Calcutta. It would be a nuisance +carting her about from place to place, and I am not so helpless that I +can't manage for myself. + +Expect next mail to receive a budget of prodigious size. + + + + +THE SUNBURNED EARTH + + + + +_Takai, Jan. 19_. + +There is no doubt this is the ideal place for letter-writing. I sit +here, in the verandah, with long, quiet hours stretching out before me +and nothing to do but write and write, and I suppose that is why for +the last thirty minutes I have sat nibbling the end of my pen and +dreaming--without putting pen to paper. + +Where did I leave off? The Monday we left Calcutta, wasn't it? To +continue. The said Monday was a strenuous day. Boggley absented +himself till late afternoon, while I wrestled with wild beasts at +Ephesus in the shape of bearers and coolies, my Hindustani deserting +me utterly, as it always does at a crisis. G., desolated at the +thought of the coming separation, hovered round all day and did her +best to help. + +About tea-time Boggley walked in, serenely regardless of the fact that +we were still devoid of bed and table linen, crockery and cooking +utensils. In the end the bearer was dispatched to the Stores with a +list, but the result of his shopping I haven't yet seen. G. stayed +till nearly dinner-time, and sang to us for a last time. It was horrid +parting from her, my dear old G. Do I write too much about her? I +thought from something you said in a letter that perhaps I rather +bored you talking of her. You see, I like her so much, and you can +hardly understand how much she has meant to me since we left England +together that showery October day. + +After dinner we said good-bye to our friends in what Boggley +irreverently calls "the hash-house," and at nine o'clock departed +to the station. The bearer was there with all the luggage, and the +_syces_ with the ponies, for we are taking the ponies in case there +is a chance of polo. In the end we nearly missed the train. At the +booking-office, when we tried to book the ponies, the babu in charge +lost his presence of mind and turned round and round like a teetotum. +I was amazed at Boggley's patience. For myself, I was conscious of an +intense, and most unladylike, desire to slap the poor babu. I, who +have constantly protested against any want of consideration in the +treatment of natives! + +As I was the only lady travelling, the guard was much against giving +me a carriage to myself, but a man who spoke with authority, hearing +us argue, came up and told him to put a "Ladies Only" placard on my +carriage, so I travelled in lonely splendour. + +At Assansol, which we reached at 5 a.m., we had _chota-hazri_. Tea and +toast, and most diminutive eggs, which we had to hold in our fingers +as there were no egg-cups. + +Simultala was my destination, and about eleven o'clock we reached it. +Underneath the trees a few yards away from the little station we found +a bullock-cart, which the Russels had sent for my luggage, and a +doolie for myself. A doolie is a kind of string-bed hung on a pole, +with a covering to keep off the sun. It is carried by four men, and +two others run alongside to relieve their companions at intervals. I +had sixteen miles to travel in this thing. I looked at Boggley very +doubtfully, and he tried to encourage me. + +"It is really quite comfortable," he said (and when he said so he +lied), "and the men go very fast. You will be there in no time." So +I bundled in somehow, said a wistful good-bye to Boggley, and we +started. I can't honestly say I like a doolie. I would rather have +been my luggage and gone in the bullock-cart. Whichever way I lay I +very soon got an ache in my back. The conduct, too, of the coolies +filled me with uneasiness. They kept up a continued groaning. One +said, "Oh--oh--oh!" and the other replied, "Oo--oo--oo!" and you can't +think what a depressing sound it was. (I know now that doolie-coolies +always make that noise when on duty. It seems to keep up their hearts, +so to speak, and cheer them on.) Feeling guiltily that it was my +weight that made them groan, I lay perfectly still, and was even +holding my breath in an effort to make myself lighter, when, for no +apparent reason, we left the road, such as it was, and started across +the trackless plain. There was nothing to be seen except an infrequent +bush, no trace of a human habitation--nothing but the wind blowing and +the grass growing. Awful thoughts began to come into my head. I was +all alone in India, indeed worse than alone, I was in the company of +six natives most inadequately clothed: of their language I knew not +one single word; I didn't even know if they were carrying me in the +direction I wanted to go. Suddenly the groaning ceased, and I found +myself and the doolie planted on the ground. _Was_ my bright young +life to be ended? Cold with terror, I shut my eyes tight, and when I +opened them I found all the six coolies squatted round, all talking +at once, all presumably addressing me. I made out one word which +was repeated often, _baksheesh_. Reminding myself that I was of the +Dominant Race, I sat up and waving a hand towards the horizon said +sternly, "Jao!" I do think I must have intimidated them, for they +meekly picked me up again and we resumed our journey. The longest lane +turns, the darkest night wears on to dawn, the weariest river winds +at last to the sea; and about tea-time, aching, dishevelled, hungry +(having had nothing but a few chocolates since _chota-hazri_ at 5 +a.m.), I was deposited before the verandah of the Russels' bungalow. + +I don't suppose you know anything about mission work? Neither do I, +which is very shocking, as I have had every opportunity of acquiring +information. Perhaps, as a child, I was taken to too many missionary +meetings, with their atmosphere of hot tea and sentiment, and heard +too much of "my dear brothers and sisters in the mission field," for +I grieve to say, before I came to India, I quite actively disliked +missionaries and thought them a feeble folk. Mother was the only kind +of missionary I liked. She has a mission--so we tell her--to the +dreary people of this world. Not the very poor--they are vastly +entertaining--but the not-very-rich, highly respectable, deadly dull +people, with awkward, unlovable manners, whom no one cares very much +to visit or to ask to things, and who must often feel very lonely and +neglected. While others are taken up with more entertaining company +Mother has time to trot to these people with a new book or magazine, +or merely to talk for half an hour in the funny bright way which is +like no one else's way; has them to the house to meet interesting +people (in spite of the remonstrant groans of the family), and having +brought them does not neglect them, but draws them out till they seem +quite brilliant, and they go away warmed and enlivened by their social +success. + +Even the most determined distruster of missions couldn't stay long at +Takai without being converted. Dr. Russel, very far from being feeble, +is a most able man, who would have made his mark in his profession at +home; but he prefers healing the bodies and saving the souls of the +Santals in the jungle, to building up a lucrative practice, and even +attaining the dizzy height of a knighthood. + +To heal their poor neglected bodies; to be the first to tell them of +Jesus--how did Festus put it?--"one Jesus, which is dead, whom Paul +affirmed to be alive"; to teach them, to help and raise them until +life becomes for these natives a new and undreamed-of thing--one can +see how fine it is, how soul-satisfying! + +Dr. Russel has built a hospital, and the natives come from far and +near bringing their sick. As I sit here writing, they come trooping +past, taking a short cut past the bungalow, stopping to stare at me +quite unabashed, sometimes carrying a sick child, sometimes a blind +old man or woman. They know they can come at any time and the Padre +Sahib will never tell them to go away. It is different with a +Government official. He is hedged round by _chuprassis_ who levy toll +on the poor natives before they allow them to enter the presence of +the Sahib. It is a scandal, but it seems impossible to stop it. You +may catch a _chuprassi_ in the act, you may beat him and insist on +his handing back the money, but almost before your back is turned the +annas or pice have changed hands again! It is _dustoor_! + +My first view of the hospital was rather a shock. Nothing was what I +had expected. The beds are square blocks of cement, without even a +mattress. The patients bring their own bedding and their cooking pots +and pans, and generally a friend to look after them. The said friends +camp all round the hospital, and it is pretty to see them at sunset, +each cooking his evening meal over his own little fire. This morning +being Sunday I went to a service at the hospital. The mingled smell +of carbolic, hookahs, and coco-nut oil was, I confess, rather +overpowering, but when Dr. Russel asked me, "Is this at all +interesting to you, or is it merely disgusting?" I could reply +truthfully that it was more interesting than disgusting. The patients +sat rolled up in their blankets, and listened while the tale of the +Prodigal Son was read to them, holding up their hands in horror when +they heard he herded swine: they regard that as a very low job indeed. +It is odd the way they respond: just as if during church service at +home a man were to answer each statement made by the clergyman, "Right +you are, guv'nor." + +Coming home, we saw a native cooking his dinner on a little charcoal +fire, and as I passed he threw the contents of the pot away. +Surprised, I asked why. "Because," I was told, "your shadow fell on it +and defiled it!" + +One can hardly overestimate the boon a man like Dr. Russel is to a +district. Trust is a plant of slow growth with the natives, but +they have learned to trust him entirely, and go to him in all their +troubles as children go to a father. And he has a very real helpmate +in his wife. I never saw such a busy woman. If she isn't in the +hospital helping at operations (she has a medical degree), she is +teaching girls to sew, or women to read, and yet the children are +beautifully cared for, and the house excellently managed. I suppose +most women would pity Mrs. Russel sincerely. She passes her life in a +place many miles from another European, with absolutely no society, +no gaieties, no theatres, not even shops where she can while away +the time buying things she doesn't want. Yet I never met a woman so +utterly satisfied with her lot. Honestly, I don't think she has a +single thing left to wish for: devoted to her husband, devoted to her +children, heart and soul in her work. + +"If only," she sometimes says, "it would go on! The children will have +to go home very soon--the tragedy of Anglo-Indian life." + +They are such dear children, Ronald and Robert and tiny Jean. The boys +speak Santali like little natives, and even their English has an odd +turn. When little Jean was born they were greatly interested in the +first white baby they had seen, and Ronald said rapturously: + +"Oh, Mummy, aren't ladies darlings when they are babies?" + +Their mother found them one day bending over the cradle, arguing as to +why the baby cried. + +Ronald said, "She has no teeth, for that reason she cries." + +Robert said, "She has no hair, for that reason she cries." + +And Ronald finished, "She has no English, for that reason she cries." + +I am not the only visitor at Takai. There are two missionary ladies +here, resting after a strenuous time in some famine district. One is +tall and stout, the other is short and thin; both have drab-coloured +faces and straight mouse-coloured hair; both wear eye-glasses and sort +of up and down dresses--the very best of women one feels sure, but +oh! so difficult. You know my weakness for making people like me, +but these dear ladies will have none of me, charm I never so wisely. +Everything I do meets with their disapproval--how well I see it in +their averted, spectacled eyes! I talk too much, laugh too much, tell +foolish tales, mimic my elders and betters, and--worst sin of all--I +have never read, never even heard of, the _Missionary Magazine_. + +Something you said in your last letter, some allusion to religion, I +didn't quite like, and at any other time I would have written you a +sermon on the subject. In Calcutta (where I felt so self-righteous) +nothing would have prevented me--but now I haven't the spirit. Mark, +please, how the whirligig of Time brings its revenges! In Calcutta I +thought myself a saint, in Takai I am regarded as a Brand Unplucked. +It is rather dispiriting. I am beginning to wonder if I really am as +nice as I thought I was. + + +_Takai, Jan. 22_. + +This Gorgeous East is a cold and draughty place. + +We have _chota-hazri_ in the verandah at 7.30, and at that early hour +it is so cold my blue fingers will hardly lift the cup. Now the sun +is beginning to warm things into life again, and I have been sitting +outside basking in its rays, to the anxiety of Mrs. Russel, who, like +all Anglo-Indians, has a profound respect for the power of the Eastern +sun. The children are taught that one thing they must not do is to run +out without a topi. They were looking over _The Pilgrim's Progress_ +with me, and at a picture of Christian, bareheaded, approaching the +Celestial City, with the rays of the sun very much in evidence, Robert +pointed an accusing finger, saying, "John Bunyan, you're in the sun +without your topi." + +The poor Santals must feel dreadfully cold just now, especially the +children, who have hardly anything on. Mrs. Russel has a big trunk +full of things sent out from home as presents to the Mission--pieces +of calico, and various kinds of garments--and these are given as +prizes to the children who attend the Christian schools. The pieces of +cloth which they can wind round them are the most valued prizes. +Some of the garments are too ridiculous. Shapeless sacks of pink +flannelette, intended, I suppose, for shirts; and such-like. This +morning there was a prize-giving. The big trunk was brought into the +verandah, and the children were allowed to choose. One small boy +chose a dressing-gown of a material known, I believe, as duffle, of a +striking pattern. In this he arrayed himself with enormous pride: a +wide frilled collar stood out round his little thin neck, and, to +complete the picture, he carried a bow and arrow. A quainter figure I +never saw! I only wished the well-meaning Dorcas who made the garment +could have seen him. A little missionary from somewhere in West Africa +once told me about a small orphan native she had rescued and adopted. + +"I had him christened," she said plaintively. "I had him christened +David Livingstone, and I dressed him in a blue serge man-of-war suit; +but he ran away." I murmured sympathy, but I couldn't feel surprised. +Imagine a little heathen David Livingstone, in a hot, sticky serge +suit! + +These bows and arrows, by the way, are rather interesting. The natives +make them of bamboo and strips of hide, and they are tipped with iron. +They really shoot things with them--birds and wild animals, I mean. I +bought one from the owner of the dressing-gown for four annas, to take +home to Peter. It seemed very little for a real bow and arrow, but Dr. +Russel said it was quite enough; and when one comes to think of it, it +is double a man's day's wage. I _am_ enjoying myself at Takai. As the +man said when he lost his wife, "It's verra quiet but verra peacefu'." +After Calcutta, the quiet does seem almost uncanny. + +It is a blameless existence one leads. I think I would soon grow very +good, for there is no temptation to be anything else. One can't be +very frivolous when there is no one to be frivolous with; nor can one +backbite and be unkind, for there is no provocation. As for being vain +and fond of the putting on of apparel, what is the good when one is +the Best People if one wears a garment of any description? + +Although there is nothing to do, the days never seem too long. After +_chota-hazri_ I generally go for a walk with the children. There is +one good broad road passing the bungalow which leads away to the Back +of Beyond, but we prefer the little tracks worn by the feet of the +natives, which criss-cross everywhere. Jean won't stir a step without +a horrid, dilapidated rag doll called Topsy. I do dislike the faces of +rag dolls, their lack of profile is so gruesome, and Topsy is a most +depressing specimen of her kind; but Jean lavishes affection on her. +A woman-child is an odd thing. I remember being taken into a shop to +choose a doll, and I chose a most hideous thing with curly white hair. +No one could understand why, and I was too shy to tell. It was because +the doll was so ugly; I felt sure no one would buy her, and I couldn't +bear to think of her loneliness. The boys christened her "Mrs. +Smilie," after a lady of that name whom they thought she resembled, +and the poor thing came to a tragic end. They were playing at the +execution of Mary Queen of Scots, in the shrubbery, seized on "Mrs. +Smilie" to play the title role, and with brutal realism chopped off +her poor ugly head. I arrived just in time to see the deed, and rushed +swiftly, with fists and feet, to avenge her fate. + +Well, we set off every morning on our pilgrimage, Jean calling herself +"Mrs. Jones," and walking primly till we reach what we pretend is the +seashore, where she forgets her dignity and rolls about in the sand. +A certain kind of tree that Dr. Russel has planted round about the +bungalow makes a noise exactly like waves, so it is easy to pretend +about the sea. We meet many pilgrims on their way to some holy place, +and we create quite a sensation in the little clusters of huts--they +could hardly be called villages--that we pass through. The inhabitants +crowd around us, saying "Johar," which I take it is Santali for +"Salaam," and we repeat "Johar" and grin broadly in reply; and the pie +dogs sniff round us in a friendly way. The other day we met a boy who, +on beholding me, stood stock still, threw back his head, and shouted +with laughter. I never heard more whole-hearted merriment. I had to +join in. Whether it was that he had never seen anyone with fair +hair before, or whether there is something particularly droll in my +appearance, I don't know, but he evidently found me the funniest thing +he had met with for a long time. It is generally Topsy who is the +centre of interest. They hustle one another to look at her and gurgle +with delight. Jean told me solemnly, "I have to leave her at home when +I go with Mummy to the villages. They won't listen about Jesus for +looking at Topsy." + +Jean's great desire is to meet "someone white." Yesterday I saw a +horseman approaching in European riding kit and a topi. "Look, Jean," +I said, "I believe that is an Englishman" but when he came up to us +and raised his topi with a flourish Jean said mournfully, "No, it's +nobody white," and I had to pick her up hurriedly in case she should +say something more to hurt the poor Eurasian. + +When we come in from our walk it is tiffin-time. After that the +children are put to bed, and I sit in the verandah and write and rest. +Did I say rest? This is what goes on: + +"O-liv-i-a!" + +I go into the nursery, and Jean, very wide awake, demands a needle and +thread, as she wants to sew a dress for Topsy. I tie a piece of thread +into a large darning-needle and supply her with my handkerchief, which +she proceeds to sew into a tight ball. I return to my writing. + +"Olivia!" + +This time it is Robert. + +"Olivia, if this bungalow fell into the tank would it splash out all +the water?" + +"Of course it would." + +"Then what would the water do when it fell back from the splash and +found the bungalow blocking up its tank?" + +Unable to think of an answer, I tell him to be a good boy and not +disturb people when they are writing. Ronald begs for a piece of paper +and a pencil, and having got it, proceeds to write down everything +beginning with G. I once told Peter to do that, and his list when I +looked at it ran: "God--Gollywog--Gordon Highlanders."... + +Immediately I resume my writing it begins again, "Olivia" in every +tone, peremptory, beseeching, coaxing--but like the deaf adder I stop +my ears and refuse to hear. I am using this opportunity to write my +great work on the Mutiny, and it isn't nearly so easy to write a book +as I thought. No matter how much I try, my sentences seem all to +stand up on end. I can't acquire any ease or grace of style. I read +somewhere lately that young writers use too many adjectives, that good +writers depend more on verbs. It has made me rather nervous and I keep +counting both, but a certain dubiety in my own mind as to which is +which greatly complicates matters. My heroine, too, is a failure, I +like her name--Belinda--but it is the only thing I like about her. +What is the good of me laboriously writing down that she is beautiful +and charming when I am convinced in my own mind she is nothing of the +kind? However, I mean to persevere.... + +We all meet at tea--the nicest time of the day I think. My friend +Katie says the world isn't properly warmed up till five o'clock, and +certainly there is a feeling of comfort all over everything at the +clink of the teacups. Mrs. Russel being Scots, knows how to give a +proper tea, with plates, and knives, and scones, and jam; and I am as +greedy as a schoolboy over it. Yesterday there was no milk--such a +blow. The cows had wandered into a man's land, and he, as the custom +is, marched them into the pound five miles away, and there we +were--milkless! + +The country round Takai is quite pretty--almost like Scots moorland. +Yesterday we went for a picnic to a river at the opening of a pass--a +most interesting place where not very long ago a native boy had been +eaten by a tiger. You see, picnics in the jungle are not quite the +insipid things they are at home! There is always the chance that the +unwary may be devoured. Actually we did see yesterday the footprints +of a tiger in the sand by the river--pugs I think is the proper +expression. I was scared, but Robert advanced boldly into the bushes. +Ronald, watching him admiringly, said, "He is very brave; he is as +brave as Daniel." + +Talking about tigers, they aren't nearly as prevalent as I thought. I +had an idea they were prowling all over India waiting to spring, but +one man told me he had been in India fifteen years and had never seen +one. Boggley came on one once and took it for a cow--short-sighted +Boggley! Dr. Russel says there was a man-eating tiger in the district +lately, and a reward was offered for its capture. A young engineer +sallied forth to slay. He directed the natives to dig a pit near where +the tiger was known to be and cover it with branches, and the next day +went and found it had walked into the trap. The natives removed the +branches, the gallant engineer approached, but they had dug the pit on +a slope, and the tiger _came walking up to meet him!_ + +I would rather like to see a wild beast from a safe distance. A native +came into hospital only yesterday with his arm all torn and mauled by +a leopard, but, though I have walked miles through the jungle, I have +seen nothing more fearsome than a black-beetle, and _that_ I might have +seen at home. The Santals are very keen _shikaris_, and go regularly +to hunt armed with bows and arrows and a few guns. + +One morning I watched them start. With them was a youth home on +holiday from a situation in Calcutta--I liked his idea of a shooting +costume. He wore a pair of bright blue socks and yellow shoes, a +pink shirt worn over a dhoti, and over that a well-cut tweed coat +(evidently an old one of his master's), a high linen collar, but no +tie, a straw hat and enormous blue spectacles. The last-named were +evidently worn more for effect than by order of the oculist, for the +youth removed them when the time came to use his gun. + + +_27th_. + +My home mail has just come in. I like to be in the verandah to see the +dak-runner bring in the letters. I hear him long before I see him, for +he carries a stick with jingling bells at the end to frighten away +animals as he comes through the jungle. Mine was a particularly nice +mail to-day--good news from everyone. You have no idea how out here +one loves to get letters, and how one gloats over every scrap of +news. Do you really look forward to my letters? Your letters are the +greatest comfort to me; indeed, I can't imagine what it would be like +without them. + +I must finish this up, for the mail goes to-morrow. My time here is +nearly run. I hear from Boggley that he expects to arrive to-morrow, +and we depart together the next day. I shall be sorry and glad--both. +Sorry to leave Takai and the dear people, more than glad to be with +Boggley. + +Robert has just come in, excitedly clutching the tail of a lizard. He +had caught it going up the wall, and the lizard had wriggled away and +left its tail. Now I suppose it will perseveringly grow another. + +Robert is holding the tail before Jean that she may see it wriggle, +and saying, "God made it so. _Wasn't_ it clever?" The dear babies! How +I shall miss them! + + +_Circuit House, Lakserai, Jan 31_. + +This letter must begin in pencil, for Boggley has the only pen. By the +bye, would you mind keeping my letters till I get home? I think it +might be amusing to read them when my cold weather in India is a thing +of the past. + +Behold us on the first stage of our wanderings! + +We left Takai on Wednesday, I in my old friend the doolie, Boggley on +his bicycle. It is wonderful where a bicycle can go in India. + +I was much sorrier to leave Takai than I thought I should be, and +I think they were a little sorry to see me go. Even the missionary +ladies unbent so far as to say they would miss my bright face and +merry chatter. How differently people describe things! Bright and +merry are hardly the adjectives I should have applied to my soulful +countenance and brilliant conversation; but no matter. They all stood +on the verandah to watch us go. Mrs. Russel, dear woman, was obviously +sincerely sorry for anyone leaving such a delectable spot as Takai; +and indeed there are many worse places. The boys grinned benignly, +each hopping on one foot. Robert, looking rather like a toadstool with +his topi and thin legs, said, "I'm going to Scotland soon, and I'm not +coming back to India till I have a long beard." + +Just as we were starting, an object hurtled through the air and fell +at my feet, and Jean's voice explained, "It is Topsy, Olivia; you may +have her"; then, self-sacrificing but heart-broken, she buried her +head in her mother's lap. I am rather "tear-minded," as our old nurse +used to say, at any time, and I saw things through a mist for the +first mile or two. + +It didn't seem nearly such a long way going to the station as coming +from it, but Boggley on his bicycle was there long before me and my +doolie men. We got a train to wherever we were going to about five +o'clock. I had some sandwiches with me, and we got tea handed in at a +station. It tasted of musty straw, and Boggley said the milk wasn't +safe, but the cups made up for everything. Boggley's bore the legend +_Forget-me-not_, and mine _A present for a good girl_ in gilt letters. +About eight o'clock we came to another station--it is quite impossible +to remember their ridiculous names--and got out. It was quite an +important station, and the large refreshment-room had a long table set +for dinner. Lining the walls of the room were tall glass cases filled +with tinned meats, jam, biscuits, and other eatables, for in the +Mofussil provisions are bought at the railway stations. After dinner +Boggley produced a pencil and sheet of paper. "Now," he said, "we must +make a list of provisions wanted." So we sat on the table and laid our +heads together. + +"We'll begin with necessaries," said Boggley "Butter." + +"Jam," I added, "and cheese." + +These being put down, we couldn't think of another single thing. + +"Go on," said Boggley, biting his pencil "That can't be all." + +"Biscuits," I said with a flash of inspiration, and we chose three +boxes of biscuits, and stuck again. + +When the attendant produced a list of provisions kept, we got on +better, and soon had two large wooden boxes packed with things that +sounded as if they might taste good. The only thing I do feel we have +been extravagant in is mustard--it is an enormous tin, and one doesn't +really eat such a vast deal of mustard. + +The list finished and approved, I asked when our train came in. + +"About 4.30," said Boggley. This was 9 p.m. + +"What!" I cried, aghast, "Where are we going to sleep?" + +Boggley waved his hands comprehensively. "Anywhere," he said; "we'll +see what the waiting-room is like." + +The waiting-room was like nothing I had ever seen before. A large, +dirty, barn-like apartment, with some cane seats arranged round the +wall, and an attempt at a dressing-table, with a spotty looking-glass +on it, in one corner. One small lamp, smelling vilely, served to +make darkness visible, and an old hag crouching at the door was the +attendant spirit. It doesn't sound cheery, does it? The bearer, +Autolycus by name (I call him Autolycus not because he is a knave and +witty, but because he is such a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles), +made up a bed on one of the cane seats, and there, in that dreary and +far from clean apartment, with horrible insects walking up the walls +and doubtless carpeting the floor, with no lock on the door and +unknown horrors without, I slept dreamlessly. My last waking thought +was, "I wish my mother could see me now!" + +Boggley slept in the refreshment-room. Autolycus had gone to the +stationmaster and demanded a bed for "a first-class Commissioner +Sahib," and, so far does impudence carry one, got it. + +I was awakened at 3 a.m., and the aged crone helped me to pack up +my bedding. I gave her a rupee, which afterwards I regretted when +Autolycus pointed out she had stolen a sheet. + +We crossed the Ganges in the grey dawn, a clammy fog shrouding +everything. Nothing was visible but a stretch of wan water, and one or +two natives near the bank bathing in the holy river. We were the only +Europeans travelling, till at one station a nice old priest came in, +of what nationality we couldn't make out. I was pondering it when I +discovered that my bangle with the miniature, which I always wear, +wasn't on my wrist. We looked up, and down, and round about, and then +I shouted, "Why, there it is!" And there it was lying on the priest's +lap. He looked so utterly dumbfoundered, poor dear man, and blushed +all over his fat, good-natured face, and I, when I realized I had +pointed an accusing finger, was also covered with confusion. We tried +to explain that it had come off with my glove, but he merely bowed +repeatedly and made hurt ejaculations in some unknown tongue, so we +were reduced to an uneasy silence. + +About twelve o'clock we had breakfast in the refreshment-room of a +station. We had wired for it, so it was ready. First we got ham and +eggs. The ham was evidently tinned, and the eggs were quite black. I +poked my share suspiciously and asked what made it so black. "Pepper," +said Boggley, who was eating away quite placidly. + +Pepper! As if I couldn't recognize plain dirt when I saw it. Our +plates were the kind with hot water inside, and a cork, and as the +venerable man removed them for the next course I, watching, saw him +wipe them perfunctorily with the corner of his already none too clean +garment, then gravely hand them back. After that, I thought dry bread +was the safest thing to breakfast on. + +Now we are installed in Lakserai Circuit House These rest-houses +are kept up by the Government for officials on inspection duty. +Dak-bungalows are rather different. Any traveller may stay in them by +paying so much. This house consists of one very large room, dining, +drawing, smoking room in one, and two bedrooms. It is rather damp and +dreary, but that doesn't matter, for we leave again to-morrow morning. +We have been to call this afternoon on the wife of the Collector, Mrs. +Edston, a pretty woman with nice manners and a sweet voice. We had tea +with her and saw her small son. Her bungalow interested me. It was +only the second Mofussil bungalow I had seen. The Takai drawing-room +was delightful, a big, rather empty room, with one or two good +reproductions of famous pictures on the walls, heaps of books, and an +almost entire absence of ornaments--rather an ascetic room. It +suited the simple, strenuous life there. Mrs. Edston's is quite +different--bright and pretty, full of flowers and growing plants; +tables laden with silver, and photographs of pretty women and +children; comfortable chairs, with opulent cushions, soft rugs and +hangings--altogether a very cosy room. + +Mrs. Edston has kindly asked us to dine with her to-night. + + +_Later_. + +We have just come back, and as I am not very sleepy I shall write a +bit. It was pouring rain at eight o'clock, so a trap was sent for us, +and a note asking us not to whip the horses too hard. I thought they +must be very restive animals, but it turned out to be a joke. There +were no horses in the trap, only coolies! + +We had a very pleasant dinner. Mr. Edston is out in camp, but two +young assistant officers were there. They live in tents in the +compound, as the bungalow is small, and have their meals with the +Edstons. Sitting to-night before a blazing fire, in the pretty +drawing-room, listening to Mrs. Edston singing, I reflected that +they were exceedingly fortunate young men to have such a home-like +habitation and such a charming hostess. To do them justice, I think +they quite realize their good fortune. + +We depart to-morrow morning for some quite unpronounceable place about +twenty miles from here, to stay at another rest-house till Monday. + + +_Madhabad, Sunday_. + +We have reached the unpronounceable place after much prayer and +fasting. What a day we had yesterday! We left the Lakserai Circuit +House at 10 a.m., preceded by Autolycus and a crowd of coolies bearing +luggage. Each coolie carries one thing, and as they are all paid the +same without regard to the weight carried, of course there is great +competition for the light packages. It is odd to see one man stagger +under a trunk while another trots gaily off with a cushion or a kodak. +We are allowed to take hand-luggage into the carriage, and we take +such a broad view of the word that it means with us dressing-bags, +suit-cases, tennis-rackets, gun-cases, polo-sticks, golf-clubs, and as +much more as the compartment will hold. + +The station, when we reached it yesterday, was crammed with natives +squatting so thick on the platform one could hardly move without +treading on them. A great festival is going on which only happens once +in a long time--fifty years I think--and if they bathe in the holy +Ganges while the festival lasts all their sins are washed away. They +are flocking from all parts, eagerly boarding every train that stops, +regardless of the direction it is going in. The festival ends to-day +at twelve, so I greatly fear many will be disappointed. At all times +the native loves railway travelling, and, as he has no notion of +time-tables, he often arrives at the station the night before, sleeps +peacefully on the ground, and is in comfortable time for the first +train in the morning. Also, he has no idea of fixed charges, and when +he goes to the ticket-office and asks for his "tickut," and the babu +in charge tells him the price, he offers half. When that is refused he +goes away, and returns in an hour or so and offers a little more. It +may take a whole day to convince a native that he can't beat down the +Railway Company. + +This festival had so disarranged the trains that our train which +should have left at ten didn't come in till twelve. Then we had +to change at the next station and wait for the connection, and we +actually sat there till eight in the evening, when our train sauntered +in. They say of a certain cold and draughty station in Scotland that +in it there is neither man's meat, nor dog's meat, nor a place to sit +down, and it is equally true of the Indian junction. We had nothing +to eat all day except ginger snaps, and they pall after a time, +especially in a dry and dusty land where no water is. There were two +other travellers in the same plight, a Mr. and Mrs. Blackie, and we +sat together through that long hot day, too utterly hungry and bored +even to pretend interest in each other. When the train did come in, +something had gone wrong with the engine, and they lost more time +pottering about with it--tying it up with string probably. It was then +that my temper, and I do think I behaved with great fortitude up to +that time, gave way, and I tried to bully the officials. It was +no use. They merely smiled and said, "Cer-tain-lee," and Boggley +irritated me more and more by solemnly repeating: + + "It is not good for the Christian soul to hustle the Aryan brown, + For the Christian riles and the heathen smiles + And it weareth the Christian down. + And the end of the fight is a tombstone white + With the name of the dear deceased; + And the epitaph drear--'A fool lies here + Who tried to hustle the East.'" + +We had nothing to look forward to at the end of the journey except a +dak-bungalow's cold welcome, but the Blackies, who live at Madhabad, +insisted we should go home with them to dinner; so, instead of the +tinned ham-and-egg meal we had expected, we had a dainty, well-cooked +dinner in a cosy dining-room. Warmed and fed, we retired to our +present resting-place, and found little comfort here. Autolycus and +his coolies had only just arrived, and Autolycus was searching vainly +for a lamp--a _bati_ he called it. The floors are stone and as cold as +the tomb. Mr. Blackie begged us to go back to his place for the night, +but we wouldn't hear of it. Autolycus ran a lamp to earth; we explored +for bedrooms and found two, in which he hastily made up beds. They are +damp, and far from clean; but one learns to put up with a lot in the +Mofussil, and in a very short time we had forgotten our troubles in +sleep. + +This morning I rose betimes and went out to the verandah, and there +I found--quite suddenly--a handsome young man. It seems he too is +staying in this eligible mansion. He is an engineer--a bridge-builder, +I think--and this is convenient for his present work. He was in +bed and asleep, and didn't hear us arrive last night; so he was as +surprised to see me as I was to see him. When Boggley appeared we had +breakfast together. It was interesting hearing about the kind of life +this young man leads. He says although Madhabad is not gay, it is +Piccadilly compared to where he often is, out in camp, forty miles +from another European, with not a soul to speak to from week to +week. The evenings are the dreariest times, and he often goes to bed +immediately after dinner. He was quite cheerful, and said he liked +the life. Madhabad is a large village, but the Blackies are the only +Europeans. There are a lot of planters, however, living round about. +We had callers this morning. Mr. Royle, to whose place we go on +Monday, rode over with his two small daughters, to say they would +expect us to stay with them. We meant to camp, but it will be much +pleasanter to stay with the Royles; everyone says they are charming +people. + +Boggley and I went for a walk after tea to see the country. There +isn't much to see except a long, straight brown road and a most +insanitary-looking tank. The village is more interesting with its +queer booths. I do think it is an incongruous sight to see, as I +saw this afternoon, a native, naked but for a loin cloth, plying +a Singer's sewing-machine. The natives looked sullen and rather +suspicious, or is it only that I imagine it because they are so unlike +the broad-smiling Santals with their cheerful _johar_? There are four +trees before this bungalow, and at present two vultures are perching +on each--horrible creatures, with long, scraggy necks. I pointed them +out to Boggley, who was immediately reminded of a tale of a bumptious +young civilian, new to the country, who was told, by one who had +suffered many things at his hands, that the birds were wild turkeys, a +much-valued delicacy; hearing which the youth promptly shot some and +sent them round to the ladies of the station. Do you believe that +tale? I don't. + +... We have just finished dinner--much the most amusing dinner I ever +ate. There is an intense rivalry, it seems, between our cook and the +engineer-man's cook; and although we dined together, our bills-of-fare +were kept jealously apart. Autolycus, of course, waited on us, and +when he handed me the fish, and I helped myself to one of the four +pieces, he said sternly, "Two, please," and I meekly took the other. +The engineer had no fish, but on the other hand he had an entree which +was denied us. Both cooks rose to a savoury. (They _will_ give you +the savoury before the sweet. If you insist on anything else, it so +demoralizes them that the dinner is a ruin.) Our savoury was rather +ambitious--stuffed eggs rolled in vermicelli. It tasted rather like a +bird's-nest, and one felt it had taken a lot of making and rolling +in brown hands. I envied the simpler poached egg on tomato of the +engineer. You can't _pat_ a poached egg! + + +_Rika, Feb. 9_. + +I have no home letters to answer this week. We forgot to give the +Calcutta people the new address, so on Monday night the dak-runner +with his bells would jingle with my precious home mail into the Takai +verandah; Mrs. Russel, having no other address, would re-direct them +back to Calcutta, and they may reach us here about Sunday, It is +tantalizing, but I don't pine for news in Rika so much as in most +places. I am so thoroughly at home. I find the Mofussil is simply full +of nice people. When we rode out here on Monday morning, and Mrs. +Royle, with a shy small girl on either side, came down the verandah +steps to meet us, I knew I was going to love staying here. There is an +atmosphere about that makes for peace and happiness, and every day I +like the place and the people more. + +Rika was rather a revelation. The civilians' bungalows have a +here-we-have-no-continuing-city look about them; their owners are +constantly being moved, and pitching their moving tents elsewhere; +but the Royles have been at Rika for fifteen years, and have made a +delightful home. The bungalow is built on a slightly rising ground +with a verandah all round--a verandah made pleasant with comfortable +chairs, rugs, writing-tables, books, and flowers. At one end a +_dirzee_ squats with a sewing-machine, surrounded by white stuff in +various stages of progress for the Mem Sahib and the children. From +the middle of the verandah a broad flight of steps, flanked on either +side by growing plants in pots, leads down to the road, and across the +road lie the tennis-lawns and the flower-garden. I have read that one +of the most pathetic things about this Land of Exile is the useless +effort to make English flowers grow. In Rika they must feel at home, +for the whole air is scented with roses and mignonette. When +Mrs. Royle took us to see her flowers, Boggley pulled a sprig of +mignonette, sniffed it appreciatively, and handing it to me said: + +"What does that remind you of?" + +"Miss Aitken's teas!" I said promptly. Always that scent takes me +straight back to sunny summer afternoons when + + "The day was just a day to my mind, + All sunny before and sunny behind, + Over the heather," + +and myself in a stiffly starched frock, accompanied by three brothers +with polished faces and spotless collars setting out to drink tea with +our friends Miss Aitken and Miss Elspeth. There was always honey for +tea, I remember,--honey made by the bees that buzzed through laborious +days in their thatched houses in a corner of the sunny garden,--and +little round scones, and crisp shortbread; and, as we ate and +chattered, through the open windows the roses nodded in, giving +greeting to their friends, the roses of past summers dried and +entombed in great vases; and the scent of mignonette so mixed itself +with the sound of gentle old voices and childish trebles, the fragrant +tea in the fragile china cups, the prancing dragons in the cabinet, +that now, over the years, it brings them all back to me as surely, as +potently, as if it had been indeed a sprig of Oberon's wild thyme +or Ophelia's rosemary for remembrance. As I have told you, we were +naughty children, sometimes even wicked children, but our conduct at +this house was, "humanly speaking, perfect." The old ladies listened +so sympathetically to our tales of how many trout we had that day +_guddled_ in the burn; of the colt we had managed to catch and +mount--as a family--by the aid of the dyke, and of the few delirious +moments spent on its slippery back before it threw us--as a family; of +the ins and outs of why Boggley's nose was swelling visibly and his +right eye disappearing. They would look at each other, nodding wisely +at intervals while they murmured, "Interestin' bit bairnies." Boggley, +when young, was of a peculiarly fiery temper. At times one could +hardly look at him without being confronted with squared fists and +being invited to "come on"; but when Miss Elspeth, holding one of his +pugnacious paws in her kind, soft hands, assured him he was the flower +of the flock, and _her_ boy, he was a Samson shorn for mildness. + +Speaking pure Lowland Scots, which was a delight to listen to; full +of a gracious hospitality embracing everyone in the district from the +highest to the lowest; fiery politicians and ardent supporters of +their beloved Free Kirk, to the upkeep of which I believe they would +cheerfully have given their last copper, Miss Aitken and Miss Elspeth +were of a type now unhappily almost extinct. + +Miss Elspeth was the plain, clever one. "In my youth", she loved to +quote, "in my youth I wasna what you would ca' bonnie, but I was pale, +penetratin', and interestin'." + +Miss Aitken had been a beauty, and liked to tell us of the balls she +had danced at, when, dressed in white muslin with heelless slippers +and a wreath in her hair, she had been called "a sylph," Why she had +never married was a puzzle to many. I remember she used to tell us of +a wonderful visit to London, and of how she came home sick at heart +about leaving all the "ferlies," as she called them. On her first +evening at home Miss Elspeth had said, to cheer her, "Come and see the +wee pigs." "Me!" said poor Miss Aitken. "What did I care about the +wee pigs!" It was, perhaps, more than the "ferlies" she missed, but I +don't know. She was no sylph when I knew her, my dear Miss Aitken, but +she had a most comfortable lap, and a cap with cherry ribbons, and the +kindest heart in all the world. Once, John, who thirsted always for +information, and mindful of a point that had struck him in the chapter +at morning prayers, said: + +"Miss Aitken, are you any relation to Achan-in-the-Camp?" + +Miss Elspeth, looking quizzically at her sister, answered for her: +"Dod! Marget, I wouldna wonder but what ye micht hae been tempted by +the Babylonish garment!" + +They were very old when we knew them, these dear ladies, and they +have been dead many years, but their simple, kindly lives have left +a fragrance to sweeten this workaday world even as the mignonette in +bygone summers scented their old-world garden. + +How I do reminisce! It is entirely your fault for saying you liked it. +You know it is a trait in the Douglas family. Our way of entertaining +guests is to sit close together and recall happenings, and delightedly +remind each other of childish escapades, shouting hilariously, while +our guests sit in a bored and puzzled silence. Pleasant family the +Douglases! + +Well, as I said, Rika is a pleasant place and the Royles Irish, +therefore charming. Mrs. Royle is a most purpose-like person. I like +to go with her in the morning on her rounds. Through the gardens we go +to see the bananas and pine-apples and tomatoes ripening in the sun, +and make sure that the _malis_ are doing their work; then on to the +wash-house, where the _dhobi_ is finishing the weekly wash; to the +kitchens, to see that the cooking-pots are clean; finally, to stand on +the verandah while the _syces_ bring the ponies and feed them before +our suspicious eyes. I forgot the henhouse. As we live almost entirely +on fowls in the Mofussil, the _moorghy-khana_ is a most important +feature of the establishment; but just now, I regret to say, owing to +a moorghy famine in the district, the stock is at a somewhat low ebb. +Men have been scouring the country for fowls, but when we went to look +at the result this morning we found about a dozen miserable chickens, +almost featherless, standing dejectedly in corners, and Mrs. Royle +wailed, "We can't kill these: it would be a sheer slaughter of the +innocents!" It isn't easy to get beef or mutton in this part of the +world, and when a sheep is brought to Rika it has to be carefully +concealed, or Kittiwake ties a ribbon round its neck and claims it as +her own, and terrible is the outcry if anyone dares to make away with +her pet. + +There are two Royle children--Kittiwake and Hilda. Kittiwake +(christened, I believe, Kathleen Helen) is fat and broad and beaming, +and very religious. Hilda is inclined to love the gay world, and finds +Rika too quiet--the baby aged six! They are both thorough little +sportsmen and mounted on their ponies go with their father almost +everywhere. Yesterday I went for a ride with them, along dusty brown +roads between rice-fields, and they gave me a wonderful lot of +information about the place and the people. As we passed a little +village temple Kittiwake stopped. "_That_," she said solemnly, +pointing with her whip, "is where they worship false gods." + +I told Mr. Royle about Peter being so anxious for a mongoose, and +to-day when the children came running to beg me to come quickly and +see what the fisherman had caught for me, my mind leapt at once to +mongooses. When I saw, confined under a wicker basket, two animals +with yellow fur and flat heads that moved ceaselessly, my heart sank. +If they had been caught for me how could I be so ungracious as to +refuse them, and yet how was it possible for me to carry these most +terrifying creatures about with me, and perhaps, on the voyage home, +have to share my cabin with them? + +I looked round wildly. The fisherman was grinning delightedly at his +own cleverness. Our two _chuprassis_, Autolycus, and a _syce_ stood +round with the children, all waiting for my approval. + +"They're rather nice, aren't they?" I stammered feebly. + +"Oh--_sweet_!" said Hilda rapturously. + +"Sweet!" I echoed. "But aren't they big ones?" + +"Big!" cried Kittiwake. "Why, they're only _butchas_;" and she lifted +the edge of the basket to get a better view, at which one of the +_butchas_ made a rush for the opening and made straight at me. With +a yell I snatched up my skirts, knocked over Hilda, leapt "like a +haarse" on to the verandah straight into the astonished Mr. Royle, +while the weird beast disappeared like a yellow streak. + +"Whatever is the matter?" he asked as I sank to the floor. + +"Olivia's afraid of the _butcha_ otter!" squealed Hilda, while she +scampered about looking for the truant. + +"Otter?" said I. + +"Yes," said Mr. Royle; "they are baby otters that the fisherman found +at the side of the lake. I thought of sending them to the Calcutta +Zoo. They aren't very common in India." + +"I'm _so_ glad!" I gasped; and Mr. Royle looked mystified. It didn't +seem exactly a reason for fervent gladness, but suppose they _had_ +been mongooses? My life, so to speak, was ruined. + +Staying in the house with Mr. Royle is rather like being with Colonel +Newcome in the flesh. He is such a very "perfect gentil Knight"--as +courteous to a native woman as to the L.-G.'s wife. The people round +about adore him and his wife; they are a kind of father and mother to +the whole district. There would be little heard of disloyalty to the +British if all the Sahibs were like Mr. Royle, He is so good--I'd be +almost afraid to be so good in case I died--but not the least in a +sickly way. He is a teetotaller, a thing almost unheard of in India; +and he isn't ashamed to be heard singing hymns with the children +before their bed-time; yet (why yet?) he is a crack shot, a fine polo +player, an all-round sportsman. + +Both he and his wife are very fond of books. Mrs. Royle reads +everything she can lay her hands on, but her husband's special subject +is philosophy, and last night he lent me a volume of Nietzsche. +I don't think I understood a single word, but between it and the +_moorghy-khana_ I had a bad night. I thought I had to make in five +minutes a new scheme of the Universe. All the odd-shaped pieces were +lying about like a picture-puzzle, and I feverishly tried to make them +fit, in the clumsy ineffective way one does things in dreams. Just as +I had it almost finished, Mrs. Royle came with a fowl in each hand and +said sternly, "These must come into your scheme." I took the two great +clucking things and vainly tried to thrust their feet--or is it claws +hens have?--into a tiny corner, and they had just wrecked all my +efforts when I woke! + +I have taken some photographs which I shall send you. The delightful +babu buttoned tightly into the frock-coat is a clerk of Mr. Royle's, +called a "Sita-Ram--two-o'clock." The frock-coat was a legacy from a +departing Collector, and he is immensely proud of it. He is a great +delight to me, and says he will never cease to pray for my _internal_ +welfare! Talking of babus, one wrote to Mr. Royle the other day +about a pair of riding-breeches, and said, "I have your Honour's +measurements, but will be glad to know if there is any improvement in +the girth." Don't you think that was a very pretty way of asking if he +had put on weight? + +When I showed Autolycus and the _chuprassis_ the photographs I had +taken of them, the _chuprassis_ said, "_Atcha_" (very good), but +Autolycus shook his head violently, and when Boggley asked him what +was wrong, he replied in an injured tone that it made him look quite +black! + + +_Feb. 12_. + +... Deep snow, hard frost, bright sun--how gloriously sparkling it must +be! It dazzles my eyes to think of it. I don't wonder you revel in +the skating and the long sleigh rides through the silent forest. Talk +about the magic of the East--it could never appeal to me like the +magic of the North. + +Storks, snow-queens, moor-wives, ell-women--how the names thrill one! +What was your Hans Andersen like? Mine was light blue and gold with +wonderful coloured pictures, but it was the frontispiece I studied, +and which held me frightened yet fascinated. It was a picture of a +pine-wood, with a small girl in a blue frock and white pinafore and +red stockings, crying bitterly under a tree, in the branch of which a +doll hung limply, thrown there by cruel brothers. Through the trees +the sunset sky was pale green melting into rose-colour, and the wicked +little gnomes that twilight brings were tweaking the child's hair and +jeering at her misfortunes. One felt how cold it was, and how badly +the little girl wanted her hood and cloak. The darkness was very +near, and worse things than little gnomes would slip from behind the +tree-trunk trunks. It never occurred to me that the little girl +might have run home to warmth and light and safety. That was no +solution--the doll would still have been there. Your letter, with its +tale of snow and great quiet forests, and the picture you drew me of +the funny little girl with the flaxen plaits and the red stockings, +made me remember it. I don't know where my old book is--gone long +since from the nursery bookshelf to the dustbin, I expect, for it was +much-used and frail when I knew and loved it--but your word-picture +gave me the passport and enabled me to creep once again inside its +cover, so brave in blue and gold, and to greet my friend in the red +stockings, and find her as highly coloured as ever, and not a day +older. It is nice of you to say I have a courageous outlook on life, +but I wish I hadn't told you the story of the mongoose that was an +otter. Now you will say, like Boggley, _Funk-stick!_ If I stay much +longer in this frightsome land my hair will be white and my nervous +system a mere wreck. + +Yesterday we left the solitude of Rika and went to polo at a place +about seventeen miles away. It was very interesting to meet all the +neighbouring Europeans--mostly planters and their wives. There were +about twenty people, and everyone very nice. I wish I had time to tell +you about them, but I haven't. After polo, which I enjoyed watching, +we all had tea together and talked very affably. Then Mr. Royle drove +me home while Boggley went with Mrs. Royle. I heard, as we were +leaving, Mr. Royle say something to Boggley about the horse being +young and skittish, and a faint misgiving passed through me, but I +forgot it talking to Mr. Royle, and when we reached Rika I went off +to dress for dinner, taking it for granted that the others were just +behind. Letters were waiting me, and I lingered so long over them I +had to dress in a hurry, and ran to the drawing-room expecting to find +everyone waiting. But the room was empty. Hungry and puzzled, I waited +for another ten minutes, and then went along to Boggley's bedroom, to +see what _he_ meant anyway; but there was no one there. More and more +puzzled, but distinctly less hungry, I went back to the drawing-room, +looked into the dining-room, finally wandered out into the verandah, +where I found the children's old nurse Anne tidying away the +children's toys. + +I said: "Nurse, where's everybody?" + +Anne left the toys and lifted both hands to high heaven. + +"Och! Miss Douglas dear, it wasn't for nothing I dreamt last night of +water-horses. The night before ma sister Maggie's man was killed by a +kick from a wicked grey horse (Angus M'Veecar was his name, and a fine +young lad he was) I dreamt I saw one. As big as three hills it was, +with an awful starin' white face, and a tail on it near as long as +from Portree to Sligachen. It give a great screech, and a wallop in +the face of me, and jumped into the loch, and by milkin'-time next +morning--a Thursday it was--ma sister Maggie came into the door +cryin', 'Och and och, ma poor man, and him so kind and so young,' and +fell on the floor as stiff as a board." + +Anne comes from Skye, and often tells me about water-horses and +such-like odd denizens of that far island; and I find her soft +Highland speech, with its "ass" for "as" and "ch" for "j," very +diverting; but this time I wasn't amused. + +"But nothing _has_ happened, Anne. What are you talking about? Where +is my brother?" + +"Mercy on us all, how can I tell? The mistress and the young gentleman +has never come in, and the master says to me, 'Fetch me my flask, +Anne,' says he; and fetch it I did, and he drove away, an' I'm sure as +I'm sittin' here I didn't see the water-horse for nothing. What does a +flask mean but an accident? Och--och, and a nice laughin'-faced young +gentleman he was, too." + +If life is going to contain many such half-hours I don't see how I am +to get through it with any credit. I left Anne--whom at that moment +I hated--to seek information from the servants, which she did with a +valiant disregard of her entire lack of knowledge of Hindustani, a +language she stubbornly refused to learn a word of. The last I saw of +her she had seized the _khansamah's_ young assistant and was shouting +at him, "Chokra--ye impident little black deevil, will you tell this +moment, has there been an accident?" Backwards and forwards I went in +the verandah, then down the steps to the road, straining my eyes to +see and my ears to hear something--what I did not know. From the +garden the scent of the roses and mignonette came to me in the soft +Indian darkness. I ventured a little bit along the road, too anxious +to remember, or, remembering, to care, that I had no lantern, and that +at any moment I might tread on a snake. I could only think of one +thing, and how often I pictured it! Mr. Royle coming back, and the +natives carrying someone--someone who didn't laugh any more. The odd +thing was I didn't seem to mind at all what happened to kind Mrs. +Royle. It was Boggley, and only Boggley, that mattered to me. Of +course nothing did happen to anyone. It isn't when one expects and +dreads it that tragedy comes. Tragedy comes quietly, swiftly. I +remember going to see a fisherman's widow in a little village on the +stormy east coast. She told me of her husband's death. "I had his tea +a' ready an' a bit buttered toast an' a kipper, but he never cam' in." +That was all--"He never cam' in." + +When our wanderers returned they were rather amused than otherwise. +The horse had given trouble and ended by kicking the trap to pieces, +and they had to walk part of the way home. Quite simple, you see; but +the first opportunity I looked in a mirror to see if my hair had not +turned white in a single night, as men's have done through sudden +fear. It hadn't; but I did dream of a water-horse with "an awful +starin' white face." + +This morning Mrs. Royle took me to the village to get some brass to +take home. The shop was a little hut with an earthen floor, a pair of +scales, and one shelf crowded with brass things, made, not for +the European market, but for the daily use of the people, such as +drinking-vessels--_lota_ is the pretty name--and big brass plates out +of which they eat their rice and _dhalbat_. They keep them beautifully +polished with sand, and I think they ought to be rather decorative; +much more attractive certainly than the candlesticks and pots and +cheap rough silver-work which is the usual loot carried away by the +cold-weather visitor. + + +_16th_. + +Another mail-day will soon be upon us; they simply pounce on one. +We have to get letters away by Tuesday from the Mofussil instead of +Thursday as in Calcutta. I look forward with great distaste to leaving +this place next week. When with the Royles one can't imagine oneself +happy anywhere else. The days pass so quickly; breakfast seems hardly +over when it is time for luncheon, and before one has really settled +down to read or write it is four o'clock, and time to go to tea, which +is spread down by the lake among the roses, the sun having lost its +fierceness and begun to think of going to bed. We all sit at a round +table and eat brown bread and butter and jam, all home-made. The china +we use is very pretty and came from Ireland, but Mrs. Royle has been +greatly troubled by its discoloured appearance, which the servants +assured her there was no cure for. I suggested rough salt and +lemon-juice, and after tea yesterday afternoon they brought it, and +we each set to work on our own cup and saucer, and behold! in a +very short time they were like new. Boggley made his particularly +beautiful, but unfortunately broke it immediately afterwards, at which +Kittiwake laughed so immoderately she fell on her saucer and sent it +to its long home. + +I have learned to take a most intelligent interest in fowls and +Nietzsche; and more and more as the days pass do I like and admire +our host and hostess. I never met people I felt so _affectionately_ +towards. + +Here come the children flying, followed patiently by the old +_khansamah_ with a spoon in one hand and a bottle of cod-liver-oil +emulsion in the other. I had better finish this letter and get the ink +out of their reach. + + +_Baratah, Thursday, Feb. 21_. + +... Now we are really camping out, and I sit outside my tent even +as Abraham did of old. I have a whole long day before me to write. +Boggley was up and away long before I was awake, and won't be back +till evening. + +We left Rika on Monday afternoon, very sad indeed. Mrs. Royle, as is +her way, heaped us with benefits, and, mindful of our starvation +on the way to Rika, had a luncheon-basket packed with cold fowl, +home-made bread, tomatoes, and a big cake. As we drove off the +children pursued us down the drive crying, "Don't go away. Stay with +us always." + +At the station we were told that the train was two hours late, and +Boggley thought it would be an excellent plan to spend the time +calling on the Blackies, who live near; so, leaving Autolycus and +the _chuprassis_ with the luggage, we set out. We had been shown the +flower-garden and a crocodile that Mr. Blackie had shot, and were +about to drink a dish of tea in the drawing-room, when we heard the +whistle of an engine. "The train!" cried Boggley, bounding to his +feet, and spurning the cup of tea Mrs. Blackie was offering to him. It +was no moment for ceremony. With a shrieked good-bye we leapt out of +the window and across the compound, and set off on our half-mile run +to the station. There is something peculiarly nasty about the nature +of Indian trains. Simply because we left the station it chose to be up +to time. It must have been an amusing incident to the people in the +station, but I would have enjoyed it more had I been one of the +natives watching from a third-class carriage instead of, so to speak, +one of the principal actors. There was the engine shrieking in its +anxiety to start; there was our luggage neatly spread all over an +empty compartment; there was Autolycus protesting shrilly that the +train could not leave without his sahib, who was a very _burra_ sahib; +and finally there _we_ were with scarlet faces, topis on the backs of +our heads, surrounded by a thick cloud of dust, careering wildly into +the station. + +After all the fuss, we had only about thirty miles to travel, when +we got out and drove three miles in a kind of native cart to a +dak-bungalow, a very poor and uncomfortable specimen of its kind. It +didn't uplift us to hear that plague was very bad all round, and after +a somewhat jungly dinner during which we were very thoughtful and +disinclined for conversation, we sought our mildewed couches, to rise +again at skreich of day and continue our journey, till late on Tuesday +night we got out finally at Baratah station and drove out to our +present camping-ground. The people knew we were coming, and the tents +were up; but they hadn't expected us till the next day, so nothing was +ready, not even a lamp. It was the oddest experience to stumble about +in black darkness in entirely unknown surroundings. You know how +Boggley tumbles over things in the broad light of day, so you can +imagine what tosses he took over dressing-tables and chairs in +the darkness. It didn't last long, however, for an important fat +_khansamah_ hurried in, shocked at our plight, and, explaining that +his sahib, Mr. Lister, was away for a few days, brought us a lamp +and other necessaries. Dinner was not possible under the +circumstances--the box with our forks and knives had not arrived--so +the remains of Mrs. Royle's luncheon-basket coldly furnished forth +our evening meal While we sat there, uncomfortably poised on +dressing-bags, gnawing legs of fowl and hunches of bread, I thought +of you probably dining at the Ritz or the Savoy, with soft lights and +music, and lovely food, and probably not half as merry as Boggley and +I. + +I don't know if I really like a tent to live in. The floor is covered +with straw, and then a carpet is stretched over it, which makes a +particularly bulgy, uneven surface to stand dressing-tables and things +on. The straw, too, is apt to stick out where it is least expected, +and gives one rather the feeling of being a tinker sleeping in a barn. +At night a tent is an awesome place. It is terrible to have no door +to lock, and to be entirely at the mercy of anything that creeps and +crawls; to have only a mosquito-net between you and an awful end. +I woke last night to hear something sniffing outside the tent. It +scraped and scraped, and I was sure that it was digging a hole and +creeping underneath the canvas. I sat up in bed and in a quavering +voice said "Go away," and the noise stopped, but only to begin +again--scrape, scrape, snuffle, snuffle, in the most eerie way. Then +something worse happened. At my very ear, as it seemed, the most +blood-curdling yell rent the astonished air. It was only a jackal, +Boggley says, but it sounded as if all the forces of evil had been let +loose at once. You can laugh if you like, but I think it was enough to +frighten a very Daniel. As for me, in one moment I was well under the +blankets, with fingers in both ears, and I suppose even in the midst +of my terror I must have fallen asleep, for the next thing I knew was +daylight and the cheerful sound of voices. To-night I shall have a +lamp burning and a _chokidar_ (watchman) to sleep outside my tent. + +Baratah is quite a large town, and has a Roman Catholic Mission and +two lady doctors. We are camping about a mile from the town in a +corner of Mr. Lister's compound. It is pretty, with well-kept grass +and flower-beds, and opposite is the Guest House of the Raj, where we +would be staying now were it not that its roof is not quite safe, and +it cannot be used. I went through it, and a great neglected place it +is, with tawdry Early Victorian furniture and awful oleographs. + +When the sun had gone down yesterday, we went for a walk to explore, +along an avenue of peepul trees, across a fine polo-ground, and then +we lighted on a big tank. A tiny native boy was perched on the bank +watching something in the water, so we sat down beside him and watched +too. The something was very large and black, and we were puzzled to +know what it was, till, at a word from the child, it heaved itself out +of the water and revealed itself an elephant. Up it came to where we +were, laid its trunk down so that the small boy could walk up, and off +he went proudly riding on its head. It was the nicest thing to watch I +ever saw. + +We got the home mail the night we arrived here, but couldn't see to +read it till the next morning. So you are back in London--sloppy, +muggy, February London! How you will miss the cold clear North and +all the ice-fun; but you will be so busy finishing the book that +surroundings won't matter much. It seemed quite home-like to see the +familiar address on the note-paper. + +To-day I am going to devote entirely to writing. Surely my book will +make some progress now. How many words should there be in a book? I've +got 18,000 now; "ragged incompetent words" they are, too. I wonder +what makes a writer of books! Would knowing all the words in the +dictionary help me? My statements are so bald, somehow. It doesn't +seem an interesting tale to me, so I'm afraid I can't expect an +unprejudiced reader to find it thrilling. The Mutiny is perhaps too +large a subject for me--though, mind you, there is one bit that sounds +rather well. I have taken great pains with it, and, as Viola said of +her declaration, "'tis poetical!" The worst of it is, when I write +poetically I am never quite sure that I am writing sense. I dare say +I would be wise to take the Moorwife's advice. You remember in _The +Will-o'-the Wisps are in Town_, when the man had listened to the +Moorwife's tale he said, "I might write a book about that, a novel in +twelve volumes, or better, a popular play." + +"Or better still," said the Moorwife, "you might let it alone," + +"Ah," said the man, "that would be pleasanter and easier." + +How true! + + +_Baratah, Thursday, Feb. 28_. + +We are still in Baratah, as you see, and shall be till Tuesday. It +is a very nice life this nomadic existence, and one gets nearer the +people. They come in little groups and talk to Boggley outside his +tent, and I must say he is most patient with them and tries to do +his very best for each one of them. They make my heart ache, these +natives, they are so gentle and so desperately poor. Isn't it Steevens +who says the Indian ryot has been starving for thirty centuries and +sees no reason why he should be filled? + +The Listers are home now and we have been seeing a lot of them. +They are delightful people. Mrs. Lister is quite a girl, and so +good-looking and cheery. She has the prettiest house I think I ever +saw. When we went to call the first time and were shown into the +white-panelled drawing-room with its great open blue-tiled fireplace +and cupboards of blue china, I suppose it was the contrast with our +own rather sordid surroundings, but it seemed to me like fairyland. +The hall is lovely, with a gallery all round and most exquisite +carving; rose-red velvet curtains, Persian rugs glowing with rich, +soft colours, and everywhere great silver bowls of flowers. They are +the most hospitable people, and ask us to dinner every night, and to +every other meal as well. Mr. Lister told me babu stories last night. +Here is one. The Government sent round making inquiries about some +Scandinavians. (Please don't ask why Scandinavians, because I can't +answer.) The Sub-Divisional Officer forwarded the reference to the +different police-stations for report. The babus in charge of these +stations hadn't an idea what Scandinavians were, but would have +scorned to ask. Three of the reports ran thus: + +1. "Honoured Sir, I have the honour to report that the Scandinavian +has been concluded in this district and has been removed to Lahserai." +(Survey and Settlement operations.) + +2. "Sir, I have the honour to report that there has been no +Scandinavians in the district this year, but it is raging furiously at +Rika." (Plague.) + +3. "Sir, I have the honour to report two Scandinavians were seen at +Gopalbung. One was shot by Billie Burke Sahib, the other has not since +returned." (Tigers.) + +That is a good, but somewhat involved, story. Another was about a +missionary who had been eaten by a tiger. The police wired, "A tiger +has man-eaten the Pope of Ramnugger." + +Yesterday the Listers had a duck-shoot. About twenty men came from all +round, and Mrs. Lister and I went with them. We drove two and two to +a very large lake and then set sail in queer native boats punted by +natives. Of course I wanted to go with Boggley, but was sent off with +a strange man, one Major Griffiths, who eyed me with great dislike +because he said my light dress would frighten the birds. It got +frightfully hot with the sun beating on the water, and I simply dared +not put up a sunshade in case of scaring the birds more than I was +already doing, and thereby increasing the wrath of my companion. He +shot a lot of ducks, but evidently not so many as he thought he ought +to shoot, and when he saw the birds all congregated at one corner of +the lake a thought struck him, and he told the natives to take us to +shore. He got out and beckoned me to follow, which I obediently did, +and together we crawled through the jungle, with the _bandar-log_ +chattering above us and--for all I know to the contrary--snakes +hissing beneath our feet. If I stepped, which I could hardly avoid +doing sometimes, on a fallen branch, making it crackle, the man turned +on me a glance so malignant I positively quailed. Breathlessly we +crept to the water-side and the unsuspecting ducks, and then +Major Griffiths fired into the brown,--is that the proper +expression?--killing I don't know how many. I don't think it was at +all a nice thing to do, but my opinion was neither asked nor desired. +Even then my friend was not satisfied, and he voyaged about until I +knew luncheon was long since a thing of the past, and I hated so the +shape of his face I could have screamed. When at last we did return, I +found my surmise as to luncheon had been only too correct, and we had +to content ourselves with scraps. The next duck-shoot I attend I shall +choose as companion a less earnest sportsman. + +The weather is beginning to stoke-up, as Boggley calls it, and during +the day the tent is insufferable. I can sit outside it in the early +morning, but as the sun gets up Autolycus summons the _chuprassis_, +and they carry my table and writing-materials to the verandah of +the Guest House, which has a cool, not to say clammy and tomb-like, +atmosphere. My chief trials are the insects. There is a land of large +black beetle with wings that has a strange habit of poising itself +just above my head and remaining there. Someone told me--who I forget; +anyway, Boggley says it isn't true, but it seems quite likely--that +if these beetles drop on you they _explode_. Did you ever hear of +anything quite so horrible? I keep a wary eye on them and shift my +seat at their approach. + +Not a hundred yards away a heathen temple stands, with its gilded roof +shining in the sun. We tried to go inside it the other day, but an +angel with a flaming sword, in the shape of a _fakir_, kept us out. It +didn't look very attractive. We saw enough when we beheld the post the +poor kids and goats are tied to, all messy and horrid from the last +sacrifice. The priest who forbade us to enter, just to show there was +no ill-feeling, hung wreaths of marigolds round our necks. Boggley, +once we were out of sight, hid his in the ditch, but I, afraid they +might find out and be offended, went about for the rest of the day +decked like any sacrificial goat. + +That we are leading the Simple Life I think you would admit if you saw +us at our meals. I find that food really matters very little. Our cook +is of the jungle jungly. Autolycus is disgusted with him, and does his +best to reform him. _Chota-hazri_ I have alone, as Boggley is away +inspecting before seven o'clock. I emerge from my tent and find a +table before Boggley's tent with a cloth on it,--not particularly +clean,--a loaf of bread (our bread is made in jail: a _chuprassi_ goes +to fetch it every second day), a tin of butter, and a tin of jam. +Autolycus appears accompanied by the jungly cook, bearing a plate of +what under happier circumstances might have been porridge. A spoonful +or two is more than enough. "No good?" demands Autolycus. "No," and +disdainfully handing the plate back to the entirely indifferent cook, +he proceeds to produce from somewhere about his person a teapot and +two tiny eggs. Luncheon is much worse, for the food that appears is +so incalculably greasy that it argues a more than bowing acquaintance +with native _ghee_. Dinner is luncheon intensified, so tea is really +the only thing we can enjoy. The fact is, if we thought about it we +would never eat at all. I happened to walk round the tent to-day, and +found the dish-washer washing our dishes in water that was positively +thick, and drying them with a cloth that had begun life polishing our +brown boots. I stormed at him in English, and later Boggley stormed +at him in Hindustani, and he vowed it would never happen again; but +I dare say if I were to look round at this minute, I should find him +doing exactly the same thing; and I don't really care so long as +neither of us perishes with cholera as a result. + +Such funny things live behind my tent! What should I find the other +day but a little native baby--about two or three years old. It seems +his mother is dead, and his father, who is our _chokidar_, has to take +him with him wherever he goes. He is the oddest little figure, clothed +in a most inadequate shirt, and a string round his neck with a shell +attached to keep away evil spirits. His hair is closely shaved except +for one upstanding tuft which is left to pull him up to heaven with; +and his face looks nothing but two great twinkling eyes. He squats +beside me nearly all day, and eagerly eats anything I give him, like a +little puppy dog. Toffee and fancy biscuits, both of which I possess +in abundance, are his favourites. An old servant of Boggley's is with +a sahib near here, and he arrived dressed in spotless white from +head to foot, bearing in one hand a large seed cake wreathed with +marigolds, and in the other a plate of toffee coloured pink, green, +and yellow, an offering to the Miss Sahib which he presented with many +salaams, and of which my little Hindoo gets the benefit. Autolycus and +the _chuprassis_ take a great interest in teaching him manners. When +I hold out a biscuit Autolycus says sternly, "Say salaam to the Miss +Sahib," and the baby puts his small hand gravely to his forehead, +bowing low with a "Talaam, Mees Tahib," then snaps up the prize. +I shall miss my little companion. I wonder what will become of +him--little brown heir of the ages. Already he can lisp to idols, but +he has never even heard of the Christ who said, "Suffer the children." + + +_March 3_. + +I shall finish this and post it to-morrow before we leave. We have +been to church to-night, the most unusual occurrence with us nowadays. +Of course it was only an English church (I remember the time when I +thought it very exciting and more than a little wicked to be present +at a Church of England service) and the padre was a very little young +padre, and rather depressing. He insisted so that we were but a +passing vapour that I began to feel it was only too horribly true, and +Boggley, who had partaken largely of tinned cheese at luncheon and was +feeling far from well, grew every moment more yellow and green. + +The Listers asked us to go back with them to dinner, but we thought it +better (Boggley especially) to seek the seclusion of our tents. + + +_Manpur, March 9_. + +Now we are in a different place. At least it has a different name and +is a day's journey from Bantale, but it looks exactly the same. We +left Baratah yesterday morning and got in and out of trains all day +until about seven in the evening we got out finally at Manpur. I had +a dreadful cold, and was sniffy and inclined to be cross; so when +Boggley suggested we should dine in the waiting-room while Autolycus +and the _chuprassis_ went on with the luggage to acquaint the +dak-bungalow people of our arrival, I upbraided him for not making +proper arrangements, and reviled the meagre repast, and was altogether +very unpleasant. When we reached our destination we found Autolycus +prancing distractedly. "This," he said to Boggley, "is what comes of +making no bundabust." Some other people were already occupying the +bungalow, and we could only get the back rooms, small, mouldy, and +inconvenient. Poor Boggley looked so crushed I had to laugh, and we +calmed the worried Autolycus, who hates to see his Sahib shoved into +corners, and, there being no inducement to remain up--went to bed. + +Manpur is a fairly big station--the sort of place you read about in +Anglo-Indian novels. There are six households and a club. Boggley +and I called on all the six this evening, and then went to the club. +Everyone meets there in the evening to see the picture-papers and to +play tennis and bridge. + +It is rather a bored little community, Manpur. I think they are all +pretty sick of each other, and one can't wonder. Even an Archangel +would pall if one met him at tea, played tennis with him, and sat next +him at dinner almost every day of the year; how much more poor human +beings--and Anglo-Indian human beings at that. Taken separately +they are delightful, but each assures us that the others are quite +impossible. They unite in being shocked at our living in such +discomfort, and have all invited us to stay; but it isn't worth while +to change our quarters. Besides, we are going away for the week-end to +some friend of Boggley's who lives about thirty miles from here. + +A nice little young civilian is at present calling on us. He came to +pay his duty call, and he and Boggley became so deep in Oxford talk, +and found so many mutual friends, that we asked him to stay to dinner. +Autolycus told me in a stage whisper that the Sahib could easily stay +as the dak-bungalow cook was very good, and that we would get quite a +Calcutta dinner. His pride, as he bore in the dishes, was beautiful to +see; and it was a good dinner, though rather tinny. + + +_Manpur, Thursday 12th_. + +This delayed letter must be posted before we leave by the night train +for our next trek. We came back late last night from Misanpore after a +nice but very queer time. On Saturday, when, after a long dusty +drive of eight miles from the station, we arrived at the bungalow +of Boggley's friend, there was every evidence that no visitors were +expected. Just think! Boggley had never let him know we were coming; +the poor man was ignorant of the fearful joy in store for him. + +I gripped Boggley by the arm. "Wretch," I hissed in his ear. "Why +didn't you write? What sort of man is he? Will he hate having me?" + +"_Qui hai_?" bellowed Boggley to the deserted-looking bungalow. Then, +turning to me, "Oh yes, he'll hate it," he said calmly; "but he'll be +pleased afterwards." I could have shaken him. Making me play the part +of a visit to the dentist! + +When our host appeared, very dishevelled (it turned out that he was +feeling far from well and had been lying down), and beheld me, dismay +was written large on his countenance. He glared round in a hunted +way, and it looked as if he were going to make a bolt for it; but he +remembered in time his manhood, and faced me. (His name is Ferris, and +he is tall and bald, and about forty, and so shy that when he blushes +his eyes water.) Somehow, we all got inside the house, and Boggley and +I sat in the drawing-room while Mr. Ferris rushed out to summon his +minions and make arrangements. We heard a whispered discussion going +on about sheets, and I longed to tell my distracted host that I had +all my bedding with me in a strap; but the thought that he might +consider me "ondelicate," like Mr. Glegg, deterred me. Presently I was +shown into what, only too evidently, was our host's own room, for a +servant snatched away some last remaining effects of his master--a +spatter-brush and a slipper--as I entered. I sat down on the bed and +pondered over what I would have felt had I been a man, and shy, and +seedy, and a strange female had been suddenly shot into my peaceful +home. + +It was rather a difficult week-end. I have met men who were difficult +to talk to, but never one like Mr. Ferris, who, while willing, indeed +anxious, to be agreeable, so absolutely annihilated conversation. It +wasn't till dinner on Sunday night that I discovered a subject that +really interested him--London restaurants. He grew quite animated as +we discussed the relative merits of the Ritz, the Carlton, the Savoy, +the Dieudonne. I think that long, thin, bald, gentle bachelor +spends all his spare moments--and he must have many in lonely +Misanpore--thinking about his next leave and the feasts he will then +enjoy. Yet the odd thing is he isn't greedy about food. I think it +must be more the lights and music and people that attract him. + +Mr. Ferris and Boggley were away all Sunday, and I spent the whole day +with a volume of Dana Gibson's drawings, the only book I could find. +I did go for a short walk, but the dust was nearly knee-deep, and, +except the little bungalow and outhouses, there was absolutely nothing +to see. + +Yesterday again Boggley had to go and inspect some place, so it was +decided he would bicycle there, and then pick me up at some station we +had to change at on our way to Manpur. I drove to the station in Mr. +Ferris's little dogcart--alone. Mr. Ferris said he was so sorry he had +an engagement, but I think myself it was simply that he couldn't face +the eight miles alone with me. + +The groom, instead of sitting behind, ran behind; and as the pony was +fresh he had to run pretty fast. There were two roads--a _pukka_ or +made road, and a _cutcha_ road, on which the natives walked and drove +their _ekkas_. + +Autolycus and the _chuprassis_ were waiting at the station, and put +me into a carriage. They went straight on to Manpur with the luggage +instead of waiting at the station where we changed trains. It was ten +o'clock when I got out of the train, and Boggley had said he would be +no later than half-past eleven; then we would have luncheon, and get +the one o'clock train to Manpur. I went into the refreshment-room to +ask what we could have for luncheon, + +"Ham and eggs," said the fat babu promptly. + +"Nothing else?" I asked. + +"Yes," said the babu; "mixed biscuits." + +"Oh," I said, surprised. + +"Certainlee," said the babu. + +Then I went outside to read a book and watch for Boggley. My book was +one of those American novels where every woman is--to judge from the +illustrations--of more than earthly beauty. I got so disheartened +after a little when everyone I met had a complexion of rose and snow +(besides, I didn't believe it) that I shut it up. I found it was +nearly twelve o'clock, and Boggley hadn't arrived. I waited another +quarter of an hour, and then went in and ate some ham and eggs. One +o'clock, and the train came and went, but still no trace of the +laggard. Outside the station the blinding white road lay empty. +Nothing stirred, not even a native was visible; the whole world seemed +asleep in the heat. A pile of trunks lay on the platform addressed to +somewhere in Devonshire and labelled _Not wanted on the Voyage_. Some +happy people were going home. A far cry it seemed from this dusty land +to green Devonshire. I sat on the largest trunk and thought about it. +Two o'clock, three, four--the hours went past. I felt myself becoming +exactly like a native, sitting with my hands folded, looking straight +before me. If I hadn't been so anxious I shouldn't have minded the +waiting at all. Now and again I refreshed myself with a peep at the +babu, just to assure myself that I wasn't the only person left alive +in the world. + +About five o'clock Boggley and his bicycle strolled into the station. +I had meant to be frightfully cross with him when he appeared--that is +to say, if he weren't wounded or disabled in any way--but somehow I +never can be very cross when I see him, the way he wrinkles up his +short-sighted eyes is so disarming. + +He had absolutely no excuse except that he had run across old friends, +and they had persuaded him to stay to lunch, and then they had got +talking, and so on and so on. He was very repentant, but inclined to +laugh. I expect really he had forgotten for the time he had a sister. +He confessed he hadn't mentioned my existence till he was leaving, and +then, he said, "They did seem rather surprised." I should think so +indeed! + +Our home mail was waiting us at Manpur and another "Calcutta" dinner. +Your letter, my faithful friend, was more than usually charming and +kind--a balm to my lacerated feelings! If you don't get a letter next +mail after this it will mean either that we are entirely out of the +reach of post offices, or that a tiger has eaten the dak-runner. + + +_Chota Haganpore, March 25_. + +... a whole fortnight since I wrote last, and our tour is almost over. +On Wednesday we go back to Calcutta, and in April I sail for home. The +time has simply rushed past. This last fortnight has been a time of +pure delight; I have been too absorbed in enjoying myself to write. + +First, we stayed two days in a town where Boggley had to open some +sort of building. The natives met us with a band, and there were +decorations and mottoes and crowds. In the evening a dramatic +entertainment took place for our amusement--_Julius Caesar_ acted +by schoolboys. Mark Anthony wore a _dhoti_, a Norfolk jacket, and a +bowler hat. In the middle of "Friends, Romans, Countrymen," the bowler +fell off. Still declaiming, he picked it up with his toes, caught it +with his hand, and gravely put it on again--very much on one side. I +envied the "mob" their serene calm of countenance. Boggley and I made +horrible faces in our efforts to preserve our gravity. + +The next day Boggley played in a football match with these same boys. +One got a kick on the shin, and limping up to Boggley said, "Sir, I am +wounded; I cannot play," whereupon another ran up to the wounded +one, crying, "Courage, brother. Tis a Nelson's death." Great dears I +thought they were. + +Since then we have been through dry places, and camped in desolate +places, hardly ever seeing a European, and enjoying ourselves +extremely. One day, a red-letter day, Boggley shot two crocodiles. +One was a fish-eater, but the other was a great old _mugger_, most +loathsome to look at. Autolycus hoped for _human limbs_ inside it, and +I believe they did actually find relics of his gruesome meals in the +shape of anklets and rings and bangles. Boggley is going to have the +skins made up into things for me, but it will take about six months to +cure them. It is good to think there is one _mugger_ the less. I hate +the nasty treacherous beasts. Pretending they are logs, and then +eating the poor natives! + +One night we had a delightful camping-ground on the edge of a lochan +well stocked with duck, which Boggley set out to shoot and ended by +missing gloriously. We were much embarrassed by a fat old landowner +heaping presents on us. He nearly wept when we refused to accept a +goat! + +All the fortnight we have only met two Europeans--a couple called +Martin. I don't know quite what they were, or why they were holding up +the flag of empire in this lonely outpost, but they were the greyest +people I ever saw. + +Finding ourselves in the neighbourhood of Europeans, we called, as in +duty bound. The compound round the bungalow had a dreary look, and +when we were shown into the drawing-room I could see at a glance it +was a room that no one took any interest in. The rugs on the floor +were rumpled, the cushions soiled; photographs stood about in broken +frames, and the flowers were dying in their glasses. When Mrs. Martin +came in, I wasn't surprised at her room. A long grey face, lack-lustre +eyes, greyish hair rolled up anyhow, and greyish clothes with a hiatus +between the bodice and skirt. "This," said I to myself, "is a woman +who has lost interest in herself and her surroundings," Her husband +was small and bleached-looking and, given encouragement, inclined to +be jokesome; sometimes (by accident) he was funny. Mrs. Martin paid +very little attention to us, and none whatever to her husband's jokes. +I laughed loudly. I thought it was so persevering of him to go on +trying to be funny when he was married to such a depressing woman. As +we got up to go I noticed in a corner a child's chair with a little +chintz cover, and seated in it a smiling china doll lacking one arm +and a leg. + +I could hardly wait till I was outside to tell Boggley what I thought +of Mrs. Martin and her house. "The hopeless, untidy creature!" I +raved. "She doesn't deserve to have such a little cheery husband or +children." + +The only thing I don't like about Boggley is that he never will help +me to abuse people. + +"Poor woman," he said; "she's pretty bad." Then he told me her story +as he had heard it. + +Ten years ago, it seems, she was quite a cheery managing woman, with +two little girls whom she worshipped; she and her husband lived +for the children. They were just going to take them home when they +sickened with some ailment. Mr. Martin at the time was prostrate after +a bad attack of fever. There was no doctor within thirty miles. One +child died, and the mother started with the other on the long drive to +the nearest doctor. The last ten miles it was a dead child she held in +her arms. + +When Boggley finished I was silent, remembering the little +chintz-covered chair--empty but for a broken doll. + +Now that I have tasted the joys of solitude I don't see how I am to +enjoy living in a crowd again. I am practically alone all day, for +Boggley has long distances to ride and bicycle--and I never was so +happy in my life, I write, and I read, and I fold my hands in newly +acquired Oriental calm (which my bustling, busy little mother most +certainly won't admire), and sit looking before me for hours. + +The books lent me by various people are all read long ago, and I have +gone back to those that are always with me. + +They are all before me as I write. The little fat green one at the end +of the row is Lamb's _Essays of Elia_: he so well fits some moods, and +certain minutes of the day, that gentle writer. Next is my _Pilgrim's +Progress_, the one I have had since my tenth birthday. Father gave +each of us a copy when we reached the mature age of ten. It was only +on high days and holy-days that we were allowed to look at his +own treasured copy, which stayed behind glass doors in the corner +book-case. The illustrations, I know now, were very fine, and even +then we found them wonderful. Then comes my little old Bible. I +coveted it for years before I got it because it had pages like +five-pound notes; I value it now for other reasons. Next the Bible +is Q's _Anthology of English Verse_, its brave leather cover rather +impaired by the fact that for two mornings Boggley, having mislaid his +strop, has stropped his razor on it. Lastly comes my Shakespeare. + +Sometimes in a night-marish moment I wonder what the world would have +been like had there been no Shakespeare. Suppose we had never known +Falstaff, never heard the Clown sing "O Mistress Mine," never laughed +with Beatrice nor masqueraded with Rosalind, never thrilled when +Cleopatra "again for Cydnos to meet Mark Antony" cries "Give me my +robe, put on my crown; I have immortal longings in me." + +What would we do when surfeited with the company of those around us if +we couldn't creep away and pass for a little while into the company +of those immortals? What does it matter how tiresome and complacent +people are when I am Orsino inviting the Clown to sing words the utter +beauty of which bring the tears to my eyes: + + "O fellow, come, the song we had last night: + Mark it, Cesario; it is old and plain: + The spinsters and the knitters in the sun, + And the free maids that weave their thread with bones, + Do use to chant it; it is silly sooth, + And dallies with the innocence of love, + Like the old age." + +One never comes to the end of the beauty. Only to-day, while I was +browsing for a few minutes in a comedy I have not much acquaintance +with, I happened on these lines, which I am going to write down merely +for the pleasure of writing them: + +"I am a woodland fellow, sir, that always loved a great fire, and the +master I speak of ever keeps a good fire. I am for the house with the +narrow gate, which I take to be too little for pomp to enter: some +that humble themselves may, but the many will be too chill and tender, +and they'll be for the flowery way that leads to the broad gate and +the great fire." + +A very pleasant thing about our present solitude is that one can read +aloud or speak to oneself without risk of being thought demented. The +fact is, the inhabitants of the little village on the outskirts of +which we are camping regard us as so hopelessly and utterly mad +already that no further display of eccentricity on our part could make +any difference. + +Even in the jungle there are servant troubles. Our cook, finding, I +expect, this life too uneventful, intimated that his father was dying, +and left last night. We thought we should have to go without dinner, +but Autolycus, stepping gallantly into the breach said No, he would +cook it; he had often cooked while with Colonel-M'Greegor-Sahib. The +next we saw was a hen flying wildly, pursued by Autolycus, and in +about half an hour it appeared on the table, its legs--still rather +feathery--sticking protestingly from the dish. That was all there was +for dinner except two breakfast-cups of muddy coffee. + + +... The dak came in a little while ago with the. English mail. I have +just finished reading your letter. I think I know what you must feel +about your book. It is sad to come to the end of a long and pleasant +task--something finished you won't do again; a page of life closed. +I know. It scares me, too, how quickly things come to an end. We are +hurrying on so, the years pass so quickly, that even a long life is a +terribly short darg. Life is such a happy thing, one would like it to +last. I was twenty-six yesterday, and if my soul were to say to me +now, "_Finish, good lady, the bright day is over_," I would be most +dreadfully sorry (and I would expect everyone else to be dreadfully +sorry too; I'm afraid I would insist on a great moaning at the bar +when I put out to sea); but I would have to admit that I have had a +good time--a good, good time. + +But I don't agree with you about the darkness of what comes after. How +can it be dark when the Sun of Righteousness has arisen? I suppose +it must be very difficult for clever people to believe, the wise and +prudent who demand a reason for everything; but Christ said that in +this the foolish things of the world would confound the wise. I am +glad He said that. I am glad that sometimes the battle is to the weak. +At the crossing, "I sink," cried Christian, the strong man, "I sink in +deep waters," but Much-Afraid went through the river singing, though +none could understand what she said. I don't know that I could give +you a reason for the hope that is in me (I speak as one of the +"foolish things"), but this I know, that if we hold fast to the +substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen, +looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, then, when +the end comes, we shall be able to lay our heads down like children +saying, _This night when I lie down to sleep_, in the sure and certain +hope that when, having done with houses made with hands, we wake up +in the House of Many Mansions, it will be what John Bunyan calls a +"sunshine morning." + +I shall have to stop writing, though lecturing you is a fascinating +pastime, for the day is almost done, and Boggley will soon be home. + +Autolycus, looking very worried, is busied with the task of preparing +the evening meal. One of the _chuprassis_, his gaudy uniform laid +aside, and clad in a fragment of cotton, is sluicing himself with +water and praying audibly. The _dhobi_ is beating our clothes white on +stones in the tank. In the village the women are grinding corn; the +oxen are drawing water from the well. The wood-smoke hangs in wisps on +the hot air, and the song of the boys bringing home the cattle comes +to me distinctly in the stillness. The sunset colours are fading into +the deep blue of the Indian night, and the faithful are being called +to prayer. + +At home they are burning the whins on the hillsides, and the Loch o' +the Lowes lies steel-grey under the March sky. + + + + +THE LAND OF REGRETS + + + + +_Calcutta, April 1 (Monday_). + +... The flesh-pots of Calcutta are wonderfully pleasant after jungly +fare, and there is something rather nice about a big airy bedroom with +a bathroom to correspond, hot water at will, and an _ayah_ to look +after one's clothes, after the cramped space of a tent, a zinc bath +wiggling on an uneven floor, and Autolycus fumbling vaguely among +one's belongings. I am staying with G. in her sister's, Mrs. +Townley's, very charming house. Boggley had to go off at once on +another short tour, and I was only too pleased to come to this most +comfortable habitation. It is nice to be with G. again, and she has +lots to tell me about her doings--dances, garden-parties, picnics--all +of which she has enjoyed thoroughly. All the same, I would rather have +had my jungle experiences. She and her sister and brother-in-law laugh +greatly at my tales. They regard me as an immense joke, I don't know +why. I think myself I am rather a sensible, serious sort of person. + +Mrs. Townley is the kindest woman. She has such a delightful way +of making you feel that you are doing her the greatest favour by +accepting her hospitality. I am not the only guest. A member of a +nursing sisterhood--Sister Anna Margaret--is resting here for a few +days. She wears clothes quite like a nun, but she is the cheeriest +soul, with such contented eyes. She might be a girl, from the interest +she takes in our doings and the way she laughs at our well-meant but +not very witty fun. + +Calcutta is very hot. The punkahs go all day--not the flapping kind of +Mofussil punkahs, but things like bits of windmills fastened to poles. +I never like to sit or sleep exactly underneath one, they look so +insecure; besides, they make one so untidy. At a dinner-party it is +really dreadful to have the things flap-flapping above one's carefully +done hair. My hair needs no encouragement to get untidy, and I have +quite an Ophelia-like air before we get to the fish. It is too hot to +go out much except very early in the morning and again after tea. We +read and write and work till luncheon, then go to bed and try to sleep +till tea-time. We waken hot and very cross, and it is the horridest +thing to get up and get into a dress that seems to fasten with +millions of hooks and buttons. My old Bella is back with me, but she +has found a mistress whose temper has shortened as the temperature has +risen. Yesterday she fumbled so fastening my dress that I jumped round +on her, stamped my foot, and said, "Bella, I shall slap you in a +minute," She replied in such a reproving tone, "Oh! Missee Baba." Tea +makes one feel better, and then there is tennis and a drive in the +cool of the evening. + +Mosquitoes are a great trial. They don't worry so much through the +day, but at night--at night, when one with infinite care has examined +the inside of the mosquito-curtains to make sure none are lurking, and +then, satisfied, has dived into bed and tucked the curtain carefully +round, and is just going off to sleep--buzz-z-z sounds the hateful +thing, and all hope of a quiet night is gone. The other night I woke +and found G. springing all over her bed like a kangaroo. At first I +thought she had gone mad, dog-like, with the heat, but it turned out +she was only stalking a mosquito. + +Yesterday we all went--Mrs. Townley, Sister Anna Margaret, G., and +I--to the Calcutta Zoo. We fed the monkeys with buns, watched the +loathly little snakes crawl among the grass in their cages, and then +G. began gratuitously to insult a large fierce tiger by poking at it +with her sunshade. + +It wasn't a kind thing to do, for it is surely bad enough to be caged +without having a sunshade poked at one, and evidently the tiger +thought so, for it lashed its tail and its roars shook the cage. We +went home, and retribution followed swift and sure. + +The first floor of the house consists of the drawing-room and two +enormous bedrooms, one opening into the other, and both opening by +several windows on to the verandah. Sister Anna Margaret is in one, +G. and I in the other. We have two beds, but they are drawn close +together and covered by a mosquito-curtain. Last night we went to bed +in our usual gay spirits and fell asleep. It seemed to me that we were +in the Zoo again and the tiger was fiercer than ever. It hit the bars +with its great paw, and to my horror I saw that the bars were giving. +I ran, but it was too late. The beast was out of the cage and coming +after me with great bounds. My legs went round in circles and made no +progress, as legs do in dreams; the tiger sprang--and I woke. At +first I lay quiet, too thankful to find myself in bed to think about +anything else; then I sniffed. + +"Olivia?" said G. "Do you notice it?" + +"What?" I asked. + +"That awful smell of Zoo." + +Of course that was it. I had been wondering what was the curious +smell. My first thought--an awful one--was that the tiger had actually +broken loose, tracked us home, and was now under the bed waiting to +devour us. There was nothing to hinder it but a mosquito-curtain! How +I accomplished it, paralysed as I was with terror, I know not, but I +took a flying leap and landed on G., hitting her nose with my head and +clutching wildly at her brawny arms, much developed with tennis, as my +only refuge. + +She was too terrified to resent my intrusion. + +"What do you think it is?" she whispered. "Hu-s-h, speak low. Perhaps +it doesn't know there's anyone in the room." + +"It's the tiger from the Zoo," I hissed with conviction. + +G. started visibly. "Rubbish," she said. "A tiger wouldn't get into a +house. Ah--oh, listen!" + +Distinctly we heard the fud of four feet going round the bed. + +"Cry for help," said G. + +"Sister!" we yelled together. + +"Sister Anna!" + +"Sister Anna Margaret!" + +No answer. Sister Anna Margaret slept well. + +"Sister!" said G, bitterly. "She's no sister in adversity." + +"Get up, G.," I said encouragingly. "Get up and turn on the light. +Perhaps it isn't a tiger, perhaps it's only a musk rat." + +G. refused with some curtness. "Get up yourself," she added. + +Again we shouted for Sister, with no result. + +You have no idea how horrible it was to lie there in the darkness and +listen to movements made by we knew not what. We felt bitterly towards +Sister Anna, never thinking of what her feelings would be if she came +confidingly to our help and was confronted by some fearsome animal. + +"If only," said G., "we knew what time it was and when it will be +light. I can't _live_ like this long. Let go my arm, can't you?" + +"I daren't," I said. "You're all I've got to hold on to." + +We lay and listened, and we lay and listened, but the padding +footsteps didn't come back; and then I suppose we must have fallen +asleep, for the next thing we knew was that the _ayahs_ were standing +beside us with tea, and the miserable night was past. + +G. and I looked at each other rather shamefacedly. + +"Did we dream it?" I asked, + +G. was rubbing her arm where I had gripped it. + +"I didn't dream this, anyway," she said; "it's black and blue." + +At breakfast we knew the bitterness of having our word doubted; no one +believed our report. They laughed at us and said we had dreamt it, or +that we had heard a mouse, and became so offensive in their unbelief +that G. and I rose from the table in a dignified way, and went out to +walk in the compound. + +We are very busy collecting things to take home with us. (Did I +tell you G.'s berth had been booked in the ship I sail in--the +_Socotra_--it sails about the 23rd?) The _chicon-wallah_ came this +morning and spread his wares on the verandah floor--white rugs from +Kashmir, embroidered gaily in red and green and blue; tinsel mats and +table centres; pieces of soft bright silk; dainty white sewed work. +We could hardly be dragged from the absorbing sight to the +luncheon-table. + +The Townleys never change their servants, and now three generations +serve together. The old _kitmutgar_ is the grandfather and trains +his grandsons in the way which they should go. To-day at luncheon +(fortunately we were alone), one of them made a mistake in handing a +dish, whereupon his grandfather gave him a resounding box on the ears, +knocking off his turban. Instead of going out of the room, the boy +went on handing me pudding, sobbing loudly the while, and with tears +running down his face. It was very embarrassing, and none of us had +enough Hindustani to rebuke the too-stern grandparent. + + +_Later_. + +This afternoon, when we were having tea in the garden and enjoying +Peliti's chocolate-cake, a great outcry arose from the house, and we +saw the servants running and looking up to the verandah. Mr. Townley +called out to know what was the matter, and received such a confused +jumble of Hindustani in reply that he went to investigate. He came +back shrugging his shoulders. "It's some nonsense about a 'spirit,' +They say it's been appearing suddenly, then disappearing for some +time. Now the _chokra_ swears he saw it go up the verandah into a +bedroom. To satisfy them, I have sent for my gun, and I'll wait below +while they drive the 'spirit' down." + +"It's our midnight visitor," G. and I cried together. + +We waited, breathless. The servants rushed on to the verandah with +sticks--a dark streak slid down the verandah pillar--Mr. Townley +fired. It wasn't a tiger, it was a civet cat--a thing rather like a +fox, with a long pointed nose and an uncommonly nasty smell. + +"Think," said G., as we looked at it lying stretched out +stiff,--"think of having that thing under our bed! A mouse indeed!" + +We didn't say "I told you so," but we looked it. + +Boggley comes back to-morrow, and I am going with him to the Grand +Hotel, so that we shall be together for the last little while. + + +_Agra, April 11_. + +... from a chapter in the _Arabian Nights_; from the middle of the +most gorgeous fairy-tale the mind of man could invent, I write to you +to-night. + +Often I have heard of the Taj Mahal, read of its beauty, dreamed of +its magic, but never in my dreams did I imagine anything so exquisite, +so perfect. + +Boggley thought I should not leave India without seeing this "miracle +of miracles--the final wonder of the world," so we left Calcutta on +Monday night by the Punjab mail and came to Agra, and we have done +it all in proper order. Yesterday, in the morning, we motored to +the deserted city, the capital of Akbar, the greatest of the Mogul +emperors, about twenty miles off. It has battlemented walls and great +gates like a fairy-tale city. The bazaar part of it is mostly in +ruins, but the royal part is perfectly preserved and could be lived in +comfortably now. There is Akbar's Council Chamber, the houses of his +wives, the courtyard where they played living chess, the stables, +waterworks, the palaces of his chief ministers, the mosque and +cloisters, the Gate of Victory. The carving in marble and red +sandstone is wonderful. Akbar must have been a broad-minded man, for +we found paintings of the Annunciation side by side with pictures of +the Hindu god Ganesh. It is intensely interesting to see the place +just as it was hundreds of years ago. In the great Mosque Quadrangle +there is a marble mausoleum, delicately carved, a priceless piece of +work in mother-of-pearl, erected to Akbar's high priest; and our guide +was his lineal descendant, glad to get five rupees for his trouble! + +We lunched in the Government bungalow, a comfortable place, not +glaringly out of keeping with the surroundings, and then motored to +Akbar's tomb--another piece of colossal magnificence. I was awed by +it. Out of the glaring sunshine we went down a long dark passage to a +great vault, where the air was cold with the coldness of death. It +was completely dark except for one ray of light falling on the plain +marble tomb. An old Mohammedan crooned eerily, impressively, a lament +which echoed round and round the vault. The Mohammedans and the Scots +have a similar passion for deaths and funerals! + +Lastly, in its fitting order, we drove to the Taj Mahal. + +You know the story? I have just been reading about it in Steevens's +book. You know how Shah Jehan, grandson of Akbar, first Mogul Emperor +of Hindustan, loved and married the beautiful Persian Arjmand +Banu,--called Mumtaz-i-Mahal,--and when she died he, in his grief, +swore that she should have the loveliest tomb the world ever beheld, +and for seventeen years he built the Taj Mahal? You know how after +thirty years his son rose up and dethroned him, and kept him a close +prisoner for seven years in the Gem Mosque, where his daughter +Jehanara attended him and would not leave him. When grown very feeble, +he begged to be laid where he could see the Taj Mahal; and, the +request being granted, you know how he died with his face towards +the tomb of the beautiful Persian, "whose palankeen followed all his +campaigns in the days when Empire was still a-winning, whose +children called him father--Arjmand Banu, silent and unseen now for +four-and-thirty years, the wife of his youth." + +Such a passionate old story! Such a marvellous love-memorial! Shah +Jehan--Mumtaz-i-Mahal--Grape Garden--Golden Pavilion--Jasmine Tower. +As G.W. Steevens says, there is dizzy-magic in the very names. I am +no more capable of describing it than I would have been capable of +building it; you must see it for yourself. It alone is worth coming to +India to see. + +Leaving the Taj Mahal dazed and dizzy with beauty, I was hailed by a +voice that sounded familiar, and turning round I saw--an incongruous +figure in that Arabian Nights garden--our old friend of the _Scotia_, +the Rocking Horse Fly. She had another female with her, and Mr. Brand, +the funny man who asked conundrums. I'm afraid my eyes had asked what +he was doing in this galley, for he hastily said that he had only +arrived in Agra that morning, and found our _Scotia_ acquaintance at +the hotel. I introduced Boggley, and we stood uncomfortably about, +while the Rocking Horse Fly waxed sentimental over our meeting. + +"Isn't it odd," she said, "that we should all meet and just part +again?" + +I thought it would have been much odder (and how infinitely horrible!) +if we had all met and never parted. As it happened, we weren't allowed +to part with her as soon as we could have wished. She discovered we +were staying at the same hotel, so we had to dine together, and she +talked the Taj all through dinner, spattering it with adjectives, +while Boggley grunted at intervals. It was refreshing to see Mr. Brand +again. He seems to be enjoying India vastly, and had three quite new +stories, though if he didn't laugh so much telling them it would be +easier to see the point. Boggley and he loved each other at once. +After dinner, when the men were smoking, the Rocking Horse Fly began +to get arch--don't you hate people when they are arch?--and said +surely I was never going home without capturing some heart. I replied +stoutly and truthfully that I was. + +"Naughty girl!" said the R.H.F. "You haven't made the most of your +opportunities. Don't you know what they call girls who come out for +the cold weather?" + +I said I didn't. + +"They are called 'The Fishing Fleet,'" she said sweetly. + +I said "Oh," because I didn't know what else to say, feeling as I did +so remiss. + +I have heard--Mr. Townley told me--that long ago when a ship from +England arrived in the Hoogly a cannon was fired, and all the gay +bachelors left their offices and went to the docks to appraise the new +arrivals. A ball was given on board on the night of arrival, and many +of the girls were engaged before they left the ship. I don't object to +that. It was a fine, sincere way of doing things; but why the subject +of marriage should be made an occasion for archness, for sly looks, +for--in extreme cases--nudgings, passes my comprehension. + +The R.H.F. has a way of making common any subject she touches--even +the Taj and marriage--so I thought I would go to bed. As I said +goodnight I regarded attentively the friend, wondering much how anyone +could, of choice, accompany the R.H.F. in her journeyings. She is a +very silent person, large and fat and about forty, and her eyes are +small out of all proportion to her face, but they twinkled at me +in such an understanding way that I, generally so chary of offering +embraces, went up to kiss her. She is kind, but so large that being +kissed by her is almost as destroying as being in a railway accident! + +Do I ignore what you say in your letter? You see, it is rather +difficult. Writing to a friend in a far country is like shouting +through a speaking-tube to the moon, and one can't shout very intimate +things, can one? + +Let us be sensible. Don't be angry, but are you quite sure you really +care, and is it wise to care? We are so very different. You are so +very English, and I, in spite of a pink and fluffy exterior, am at +heart as bitter and dour and prejudiced as any Covenanter that ever +whined a psalm. My mind could never have anything but a Scots accent. +You are reserved, and rather cold; I am expansive to a fault. You are +terrifyingly clever; my intelligence is of the feeblest. You have a +refined sense of humour; the poorest, most obvious joke is good enough +for me. But this is only talk. I don't know that I am "in love,"--I +don't like the expression anyway,--but this I know, that if you were +not in the world it would be an unpeopled waste to me. The place you +happen to be in is where all interest centres. Every minute of the +time as I go through my days, laughing, talking, enjoying myself +vastly, away at the back of my mind the thought of you lies "hidden +yet bright," making for me a new heaven and a new earth. Is this +caring? Is this what you want to hear me say? I can't write what I +would like, I can't weave pretty things, I can only speak straight on, +but oh, my dear, I am so glad that in this big, confusing world we +have found each other. Poor Rocking Horse Fly! poor fat friend! how +dull for them, how dull for all the rest of the people in the world +not to have a _you_! + +I am not going to write any more, not because I haven't lots to say, +but because writing much or talking much about a thing--being queer +and Scots, it is hard for me to say love--seems somehow to cheapen it, +profane it. + + +I have opened this just to say again, My dear, my dear! + + +_Calcutta, April 21_. + +... only three more days in India, and I don't know whether I am +horribly sorry to go or profoundly relieved to get away. There is no +doubt it is a sudden and dangerous country. Three people we knew have +died suddenly of cholera, and two others have had bombs thrown at +them. I shall be thankful to find myself safely on board the steamer, +but even if I escape I am leaving Boggley in the midst of these +perils. Not that he lets the thought of them vex his soul. You learn, +he says, to look upon death in a different way in India, but I am sure +I never could learn to regard with equanimity the thought of being +quite well one day and being hurried away to the Circular Road +Cemetery early the next. It is sad to die in a foreign land, and it is +somehow specially sad, at least I think so, for a home-loving Scot to +lie away from home. + + "Tell me not the good and wise + Care not where their dust reposes. + That to him who sleeping lies + Desert rocks shall seem as roses. + I've been happy above ground, + I could ne'er be happy under, + Out of Teviot's gentle sound. + Part us, then, not far asunder." + +Yesterday I saw a pathetic sight. A couple in a _tikka-gharry_; the +man a soldier, a Gordon Highlander, and on the front seat a tiny +coffin. The man's arm was round the woman's shoulder, and she was +crying bitterly. A bit of shabby crape was tied round her hat, and she +carried a sad little wreath. + +Since coming back from Agra we have stayed at the Grand Hotel. It is a +comfortable, airy place, wonderfully pleasant in the morning when we +sit at a little table in the verandah looking out on the Maidan, and +flat-faced hill-waiters bring us an excellent breakfast. Our own +servants are with us--Autolycus and Bella. When we arrived very early +in the morning and the coolies were carrying up our luggage, a servant +sleeping outside his master's door held up his hand for quietness, +saying something quite gently about not waking his master, "Beat him," +said Autolycus to the coolies quite without heat, as he hurried on. + +The air gets hotter, and everything looks more and more tired every +day. Even proud-pied April dressed in all its trim can't put a spirit +of youth into anything. + +But these last days in Calcutta, in spite of fears and heat, are very +pleasant. I don't know how I could have said the Calcutta women were +horrid! Now that I am going to leave them they seem so kind and +attractive. Every minute of my time is filled up with river-picnics, +garden-parties, tennis tournaments, dinners and theatre parties; and +my mornings are spent with G. raking in queer shops for curiosities. +I am insatiable for things to take home, and Autolycus has packed and +roped three large wooden boxes containing my treasures. + +I wish life weren't such a mixed thing. Just when I am tiptoeing on +the heights of joy because I am going home, I am brought to common +earth with a thud by the miserable thought that I must leave Boggley. +(How pleasant it would be to have a sort of spiritual whipping-boy +to bear the nasty things in life for one--the disappointments, the +worries, the times of illness and sorrow, the partings.) Boggley +says it will be all right once I am away. As a rule he only feels +pleasantly home-sick. Now, with the preparations for departure +constantly before him, helping to address boxes to the familiar old +places, going with me in imagination from port to port till we reach +cool Western lands, I'm afraid he has many a pang. + +I am so sorry you are so worried. You will almost have got my letter +by this time, but I wish I had cabled as you asked, only, somehow, I +didn't like the idea. I thought you knew I cared; but, after all, how +could you? I didn't know myself when I left England. Looking back I +seem always to have cared immensely. How could I help it? What I can't +understand is how every woman of your acquaintance doesn't care as I +do; you seem to me so lovable. I am so glad (though it seems an odd +thing to be glad about!) that you have no mother and no sister. I +don't feel such a marauder as I would have done if, by taking you, +I had robbed some other woman. And I am glad of your lonely life. I +shall be able to show you what a nice thing a home is. A quiet, safe +place we shall make it, where worldly cares may not enter. Boggley +says I can make an hotel room look home-like, and, indeed, it is +almost my only accomplishment, this talent for home-making. There is +one thing I want to say to you. You know what Robert Louis says about +married men?--that there is no wandering in pleasant bypaths for them, +that the road lies long and straight and dusty to the grave. It dulls +me to think of it. _Don't_ feel that. Don't let it be true. We mustn't +let our lives get dusty and straight and narrow. We shall love +whimsies and we shall laugh. So long as laughter isn't heartless and +doesn't hurt anyone it is good to laugh. Life will see to it that +there are tears--at least I'm told so. But suppose in years to come, +after we have grown used to each other (though it does amaze me that +people should talk about things losing their charm because one gets +_used_ to them. Does a child tire of its mother because it is used +to her? Is Spring any the less wonderful because we are used to +her coming? God grant we have many years to get used to each +other!)--suppose one fine morning you find that life has lost its +savour, you are tired of the accustomed round, you are tired of the +house, you are tired of the look of the furniture, you want to get +away for a time--in a word, to be free. Well, remember, you are not to +feel that the road isn't clear before you. I promise you not to feel +aggrieved. I shan't wonder how my infinite variety could have palled. +I know that all men--men who are men--at times hear the Red Gods call +them (women hear them too, you know, only they have more self-control; +they find their peace in fearful innocence and household laws), and +I shall be waiting on the doorstep when you return from climbing +Kangchenjunga, or exploring the Bramahputra Gorges, ready to say, +"Come away in, for I'm sure you must be tired." + +Arthur, dear, am I a disappointing person, do you find? Ought I to be +able to write you different sorts of letters, tenderer, more loving +letters? But, you see, it wouldn't be me if I could. My heart may be, +indeed, I think it is, full of the warmest instincts, but they have +been unwinged from birth so they can't fly to you. One of the most +talkative people living, in some ways I am strangely speechless. Why! +I haven't even told Boggley, though if he had eyes to see instead of +being the blindest of dear old bats, my shining face would betray +me. I keep on smiling in a perfectly imbecile manner, so that people +exclaim, "Well, you are indecently glad to get away," and when they +ask Why? I point them to the scene in the Old Testament where Hadad +said unto Pharaoh, "_Let me depart, that I may go to mine own +country." Then Pharaoh said unto him, "But what hast thou lacked with +me, that, behold, thou seekest to go to thine own country?" And he +answered, "Nothing: howbeit let me go in any wise_." So it is with +me. India has given me the best of good times. I have lacked for +nothing--"howbeit let me go in any wise." You needn't think I am +changed. I'm not. I'm afraid I'm not. One would think that a new +environment would make a difference, but it really does not. A person +with a suburban mind would be as suburban in the wilds of Nepal as in +the wilds of Tooting. The illuminating thought has come to me that it +isn't a man's environment that matters, it's his mind. Haven't you +often noticed in an evening in London all the City men hurrying home +like rabbits to their burrows (not the prosperous City men, but the +lesser ones, whose frock-coats are rather shiny and their silk hats +rather dull), and haven't you often thought how narrow their lives +are, how cramping their environment? But suppose one of those clerks +loves books and is something of a poet. What does it matter to him +though his rooms in Clapham or Brixton are grimy, almost squalid, and +filled with the worst kind of Victorian furniture? "Minds innocent and +quiet take such for an hermitage." Once inside, the long day at the +office over, and the door shut on the world, an arm-chair drawn up to +the fire and his books around him he is as happy as a king, for his +mind to him is a Kingdom. He may be a puny little man, in bodily +presence contemptible, but he will feel no physical disabilities as he +clambers on the wall of Jerusalem with Count Raymond, or thrills as he +sets forth with Drake to fight Spaniards one against ten. Instead of +the raucous cries of the milk or the coal man, he hears the horns of +Elfland faintly blowing, and instead of a window which can show him +nothing but a sodden plot planted with wearied-looking shrubs, he +has the key of that magic casement which opens on perilous seas in +fairylands forlorn. He will never do anything great in the world, he +will never lead a forlorn hope, or marry the Princess, or see far +lands; he will never be anything but a poor, shabby clerk, but he is +of such stuff as dreams are made of, and God has given to him His +fairyland. + +No, I don't think a new environment changes people, and it is foolish +to think it makes them forget. Sometimes in the Eden Gardens at +sunset, when we draw up to listen to the band, I watch the faces of +the youths--Scots boys come out from Glasgow and Dundee--dreaming +there in the Indian twilight while the pipers play the tunes familiar +to them since childhood. They are sahibs out here, they have a horse +to ride and a servant to look after them, things they never would have +had had they stayed in Dundee or Glasgow, but though they are proud +they are lonely. What does grandeur matter if "the Quothquan folk" +can't see it? The peepul trees rustle softly overhead, the languorous +soft air laps them round, the scent of the East is in their nostrils, +but their eyes are with their hearts, and is this what they see? A +night of drizzling rain, a street of tall, dingy, grey houses, and a +boy, his day's work done, bounding upstairs three steps at a time to +a cosy kitchen where the tea is spread, where work-roughened hands at +his coming lift the brown teapot from the hob, and a kind mother's +voice welcomes him home at the end of the day.... + +Autolycus has knocked at the door to say "Master's come" (he likes to +be very European with me so doesn't call him Sahib), and I must go to +tea. To-morrow Boggley is taking the whole day off and we have got it +all planned out, every minute of it. In the morning we shall drive in +a _tikka-gharry_ to the Stores to buy some final necessaries (such as +soap and tooth-powder), then to Peliti's to eat ices, then to the shop +in Park Street so that Boggley may get me a delayed birthday present, +then round and round the Maidan. _Then_ we shall go to luncheon at the +Townleys and go on with them to Tollygunge for golf. _Then_ we are +going to tea with some people who are taking us a motor run. _Then_ we +go to a farewell dinner at the Ormondes'. Then we shall go to bed. + +Bless you, my dear. + + +_S.S. Socotra, Homeward Bound, Somewhere in the Hoogly, April 24_. + +... This day seems to have been going on for weeks and it is only +tea-time now. Was it only this morning that we left? I can't think +it was _this_ morning that Boggley and I took our last _chota-hazri_ +together, and Boggley as he gloomily sugared his tea, said, "Now I +know what a condemned man feels like on the morning of his execution." +Then we laughed and it wasn't so bad. Autolycus, very important +because the Miss Sahib was going to cross the Black Water, bustled +about with my few packages (all the heavy baggage went away two days +ago) and, finally, bustled us into a _tikka-gharry_ in such good time +that we had to drive twice round the Maidan before we went to the +landing-stage. Dear, funny Autolycus! I shall miss his ugly, honest +face. He has added greatly to the gaiety of nations as represented by +Boggley and me. The last we saw of him was standing before the +hotel door along with Bella and the two _chuprassis_ bowing low and +murmuring, "Salaam, Miss Sahib, salaam," while I, undignified to the +last, knelt on the seat and wildly waved a handkerchief. + +The landing was crowded with people. I wondered how we were all to get +on board one ship, but found as we got on to the launch that most of +the people remained behind; they were only see-ers off. Mr. Townley +had by some means managed to get permission for himself, his wife, +and Boggley to go down the river with us in the launch to where the +_Socotra_ lay; which was a great comfort to us all. When we found our +party, poor G.'s face was much less pink than usual. The Ormondes were +there, having ridden down to see us off, and quite a lot of other +people had come for the same reason. We (the passengers) had to be +medically examined before we were allowed to leave--in case of plague, +I suppose. G. and I were rather scared at the thought--how were we to +know that we hadn't plague lurking about us? However, after a very +cursory glance we were passed on, got our good-byes said, and embarked +on the launch. At any other time I would have hated saying good-bye +to the Ormondes and the other dear people, but with the parting from +Boggley looming so near, I was absent-minded and callous, though I +hope I didn't appear so. The _Socotra_ is quite a tiny ship compared +to the _Scotia_. G. and I clambered on board, in great haste to find +our cabin. We found it already occupied by our cabin companion (she is +Scotch and has artificial teeth and a fine, rich Glasgow accent, and +(I think) is of a gentle and yielding disposition) and an enormous +hat-box. + +Boggley was with us, but when he saw we were going to be firm he fled, + +"This," said G., waving her hand towards the offending box, "must go +into the baggage-room." + +"Certainly," said the Glasgow woman. "I'm sure I don't know what it's +doing here. Ma husband wrote the labels." And she actually began to +drag it into the passage. + +Seeing her so amenable to reason, we smiled kindly and begged her +to desist. But she said, "Not at all," and smiled back in such a +delightfully Glasgow "weel-pleased" way that my heart warmed to her. I +can see she will be a constant entertainment. + +Mr. Townley introduced us to the captain, who looks kind, and who +asked us to sit at his table, and then we all went in to breakfast. In +spite of our low spirits we enjoyed the meal. G. created something of +a fracas about a kidney which she ate and then said was bad, but +she calmed down, and we enjoyed looking at the other passengers, +speculating as to who and what they were. + +Almost directly after breakfast our people had to go, and G. and I, +very stricken, watched the launch as it steamed up the river till lost +to sight behind a big vessel. Since then, except for an interval in +the cabin to get our eyes bathed into decency, we have sat on deck +with aching heads, trying to read and write. At first the heat was +terrible. We drooped like candles in the sun, we wilted like flowers, +and G. gasped, "If all the voyage is going to be as hot as this, I'm +done." Limp and wretched, I agreed with her. Then we found we had put +our chairs against the kitchen, which is up on deck in this ship. + +No wonder we were warm! We quickly found a cooler spot, and I have +been writing a long letter to Boggley to send off with the pilot. +Isn't he pure gold, my Boggley? I know that you too "think nobly of +the soul." He will be home in a year, and I am trying to tell myself +that a year isn't long. Well, the Indian trip is over, and I have a +lot, learned a few things, and made some friends--best of them my +faithful G. It is rather astonishing that I should have the joy of her +company home again. Many people, I am sure, expected she would remain +in India, but I think she took the precaution to leave her heart at +home, wise G. One thing you should be thankful for, there will be no +more letters. What a blessing people are nicer than their letters! How +good you have been about mine, how willing to take an interest in the +people I met, in the places I saw, in everything I told you about; and +when I was jocose, you pretended to be amused. Ah, well! Be cheerful, +sir, our revels now are ended! + +And so I am going home, home to my own bleak kindly land, "place of +all weathers that end in rain." I am going home to my own people +(I think I see Peter jigging up and down in expectation before my +trunks); and I am going to you. And the queer thing is, I can't feel +glad, I am so home-sick for India. All my horror of bombs and sudden +death has gone, and memory (as someone says) is making magic carpets +under my feet, so that I am back again in the white, hot sunlight, +under the dusty palm-trees, hearing the creak of the wagons, as the +patient oxen toil on the long straight roads, and the songs of the +coolies returning home at even, I see the country lying vague in the +clammy morning mist, and the great broad Ganges glimmering wanly; and +again it is a wonderful clear night of stars. I know that my own land +is the best land, that the fat babu with his carefully oiled and +parted hair and his too-apparent sock-suspenders can't be mentioned in +the same breath as the Britisher; that our daffodils and primroses +are sweeter far than the heavy-scented blossoms of the East; that the +"brain-fever" bird of India is a wretched substitute for the lark and +the thrush and others of "God's jocund little fowls"; that Abana and +Pharpar and other rivers of Damascus are better than this Jordan--all +this, I say, I know; but to-night I don't believe it. + +India has thrown golden dust in my eyes, and I am seeing things all +wrong. We have anchored for the night.... I am watching the misty +green blur, which is all that is left to me of India, grow more and +more indistinct as darkness falls. Soon it will be night. + +G., who has been absolutely silent for more than an hour, sat up +suddenly just now, and took my hand. + +"Olivia," she said. "It's a nice place, England." Her tone was the +tone of one seeking reassurance. + +"It is," I said dolefully. "_Very_." + +"And it really doesn't rain such a great deal," + +"No." + +"Anyway, it's home, and India isn't, though India _has_ been jolly." +She sighed. + +Then, "I shall enjoy a slice of good roast beef," said G. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Olivia in India, by O. 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