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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:16:31 -0700 |
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| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 05:16:31 -0700 |
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diff --git a/1090-h/1090-h.htm b/1090-h/1090-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f25d926 --- /dev/null +++ b/1090-h/1090-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1597 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Bickerstaff-Partridge Papers, by Jonathan Swift + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 1090 ***</div> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE BICKERSTAFF-PARTRIDGE PAPERS + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + by Jonathan Swift + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + Jonathan Swift, et al. The Bickerstaff-Partridge Papers, etc.<br /> Annus + Mirabilis + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> Predictions For The Year 1708 </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> The Accomplishment of the First of Mr + Bickerstaff's Predictions; </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> An Elegy on the supposed Death of + Partridge, the Almanack-Maker. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> An Epitaph on Partridge. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> Partridge's reply </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> A vindication of Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq; + </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> A famous prediction of Merlin, the British + wizard. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> Dr. John Arbuthnot and Alexander Pope </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + Predictions For The Year 1708 + </h2> + <p> + Wherein the month, and day of the month are set down, the persons named, + and the great actions and events of next year particularly related, as + will come to pass. + </p> + <p> + Written to prevent the people of England from being farther imposed on by + vulgar almanack-makers. + </p> + <p> + By Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq. + </p> + <p> + I have long consider'd the gross abuse of astrology in this kingdom, and + upon debating the matter with myself, I could not possibly lay the fault + upon the art, but upon those gross impostors, who set up to be the + artists. I know several learned men have contended that the whole is a + cheat; that it is absurd and ridiculous to imagine, the stars can have any + influence at all upon human actions, thoughts, or inclinations: And + whoever has not bent his studies that way, may be excused for thinking so, + when he sees in how wretched a manner that noble art is treated by a few + mean illiterate traders between us and the stars; who import a yearly + stock of nonsense, lyes, folly, and impertinence, which they offer to the + world as genuine from the planets, tho' they descend from no greater a + height than their own brains. + </p> + <p> + I intend in a short time to publish a large and rational defence of this + art, and therefore shall say no more in its justification at present, than + that it hath been in all ages defended by many learned men, and among the + rest by Socrates himself, whom I look upon as undoubtedly the wisest of + uninspir'd mortals: To which if we add, that those who have condemned this + art, though otherwise learned, having been such as either did not apply + their studies this way, or at least did not succeed in their applications; + their testimony will not be of much weight to its disadvantage, since they + are liable to the common objection of condemning what they did not + understand. + </p> + <p> + Nor am I at all offended, or think it an injury to the art, when I see the + common dealers in it, the students in astrology, the philomaths, and the + rest of that tribe, treated by wise men with the utmost scorn and + contempt; but rather wonder, when I observe gentlemen in the country, rich + enough to serve the nation in parliament, poring in Partridge's almanack, + to find out the events of the year at home and abroad; not daring to + propose a hunting-match, till Gadbury or he have fixed the weather. + </p> + <p> + I will allow either of the two I have mentioned, or any other of the + fraternity, to be not only astrologers, but conjurers too, if I do not + produce a hundred instances in all their almanacks, to convince any + reasonable man, that they do not so much as understand common grammar and + syntax; that they are not able to spell any word out of the usual road, + nor even in their prefaces write common sense or intelligible English. + Then for their observations and predictions, they are such as will equally + suit any age or country in the world. "This month a certain great person + will be threatened with death or sickness." This the news-papers will tell + them; for there we find at the end of the year, that no month passes + without the death of some person of note; and it would be hard if it + should be otherwise, when there are at least two thousand persons of not + in this kingdom, many of them old, and the almanack-maker has the liberty + of chusing the sickliest season of the year where he may fix his + prediction. Again, "This month an eminent clergyman will be preferr'd;" of + which there may be some hundreds half of them with one foot in the grave. + Then "such a planet in such a house shews great machinations, plots and + conspiracies, that may in time be brought to light:" After which, if we + hear of any discovery, the astrologer gets the honour; if not, his + prediction still stands good. And at last, "God preserve King William from + all his open and secret enemies, Amen." When if the King should happen to + have died, the astrologer plainly foretold it; otherwise it passes but for + the pious ejaculation of a loyal subject: Though it unluckily happen'd in + some of their almanacks, that poor King William was pray'd for many months + after he was dead, because it fell out that he died about the beginning of + the year. + </p> + <p> + To mention no more of their impertinent predictions: What have we to do + with their advertisements about pills and drink for the venereal disease? + Or their mutual quarrels in verse and prose of Whig and Tory, wherewith + the stars have little to do? + </p> + <p> + Having long observed and lamented these, and a hundred other abuses of + this art, too tedious to repeat, I resolved to proceed in a new way, which + I doubt not will be to the general satisfaction of the kingdom: I can this + year produce but a specimen of what I design for the future; having + employ'd most part of my time in adjusting and correcting the calculations + I made some years past, because I would offer nothing to the world of + which I am not as fully satisfied, as that I am now alive. For these two + last years I have not failed in above one or two particulars, and those of + no very great moment. I exactly foretold the miscarriage at Toulon, with + all its particulars; and the loss of Admiral Shovel, tho' I was mistaken + as to the day, placing that accident about thirty-six hours sooner than it + happen'd; but upon reviewing my schemes, I quickly found the cause of that + error. I likewise foretold the Battle of Almanza to the very day and hour, + with the loss on both sides, and the consequences thereof. All which I + shewed to some friends many months before they happened, that is, I gave + them papers sealed up, to open at such a time, after which they were at + liberty to read them; and there they found my predictions true in every + article, except one or two, very minute. + </p> + <p> + As for the few following predictions I now offer the world, I forbore to + publish them till I had perused the several almanacks for the year we are + now enter'd on. I find them in all the usual strain, and I beg the reader + will compare their manner with mine: And here I make bold to tell the + world, that I lay the whole credit of my art upon the truth of these + predictions; and I will be content, that Partridge, and the rest of his + clan, may hoot me for a cheat and impostor, if I fail in any singular + particular of moment. I believe, any man who reads this paper, will look + upon me to be at least a person of as much honesty and understanding, as a + common maker of almanacks. I do not lurk in the dark; I am not wholly + unknown in the world; I have set my name at length, to be a mark of infamy + to mankind, if they shall find I deceive them. + </p> + <p> + In one thing I must desire to be forgiven, that I talk more sparingly of + home-affairs: As it will be imprudence to discover secrets of state, so it + would be dangerous to my person; but in smaller matters, and that are not + of publick consequence, I shall be very free; and the truth of my + conjectures will as much appear from those as the other. As for the most + signal events abroad in France, Flanders, Italy and Spain, I shall make no + scruple to predict them in plain terms: Some of them are of importance, + and I hope I shall seldom mistake the day they will happen; therefore, I + think good to inform the reader, that I all along make use of the Old + Style observed in England, which I desire he will compare with that of the + news-papers, at the time they relate the actions I mention. + </p> + <p> + I must add one word more: I know it hath been the opinion of several of + the learned, who think well enough of the true art of astrology, That the + stars do only incline, and not force the actions or wills of men: And + therefore, however I may proceed by right rules, yet I cannot in prudence + so confidently assure the events will follow exactly as I predict them. + </p> + <p> + I hope I have maturely considered this objection, which in some cases is + of no little weight. For example: A man may, by the influence of an + over-ruling planet, be disposed or inclined to lust, rage, or avarice, and + yet by the force of reason overcome that bad influence; and this was the + case of Socrates: But as the great events of the world usually depend upon + numbers of men, it cannot be expected they should all unite to cross their + inclinations, from pursuing a general design, wherein they unanimously + agree. Besides the influence of the stars reaches to many actions and + events which are not any way in the power of reason; as sickness, death, + and what we commonly call accidents, with many more, needless to repeat. + </p> + <p> + But now it is time to proceed to my predictions, which I have begun to + calculate from the time that the Sun enters into Aries. And this I take to + be properly the beginning of the natural year. I pursue them to the time + that he enters Libra, or somewhat more, which is the busy period of the + year. The remainder I have not yet adjusted, upon account of several + impediments needless here to mention: Besides, I must remind the reader + again, that this is but a specimen of what I design in succeeding years to + treat more at large, if I may have liberty and encouragement. + </p> + <p> + My first prediction is but a trifle, yet I will mention it, to show how + ignorant those sottish pretenders to astrology are in their own concerns: + It relates to Partridge the almanack-maker; I have consulted the stars of + his nativity by my own rules, and find he will infallibly die upon the + 29th of March next, about eleven at night, of a raging fever; therefore I + advise him to consider of it, and settle his affairs in time. + </p> + <p> + The month of April will be observable for the death of many great persons. + On the 4th will die the Cardinal de Noailles, Archbishop of Paris: On the + 11th the young Prince of Asturias, son to the Duke of Anjou: On the 14th a + great peer of this realm will die at his country-house: On the 19th an old + layman of great fame for learning: and on the 23rd an eminent goldsmith in + Lombard-Street. I could mention others, both at home and abroad, if I did + not consider it is of very little use or instruction to the reader, or to + the world. + </p> + <p> + As to publick affairs: On the 7th of this month there will be an + insurrection in Dauphine, occasion'd by the oppressions of the people, + which will not be quieted in some months. + </p> + <p> + On the 15th will be a violent storm on the south-east coast of France, + which will destroy many of their ships, and some in the very harbour. + </p> + <p> + The 19th will be famous for the revolt of a whole province or kingdom, + excepting one city, by which the affairs of a certain prince in the + alliance will take a better face. + </p> + <p> + May, against common conjectures, will be no very busy month in Europe, but + very signal for the death of the Dauphin, which will happen on the 7th, + after a short fit of sickness, and grievous torments with the strangury. + He dies less lamented by the court than the kingdom. + </p> + <p> + On the 9th a Mareschal of France will break his leg by a fall from his + horse. I have not been able to discover whether he will then die or not. + </p> + <p> + On the 11th will begin a most important siege, which the eyes of all + Europe will be upon: I cannot be more particular: for in relating affairs + that so nearly concern the Confederates, and consequently this Kingdom, I + am forced to confine myself, for several reasons very obvious to the + reader. + </p> + <p> + On the 15th news will arrive of a very surprizing event, than which + nothing could be more unexpected. + </p> + <p> + On the 19th three noble ladies of this Kingdom will, against all + expectation, prove with child, to the great joy of their husbands. + </p> + <p> + On the 23rd a famous buffoon of the play-house will die a ridiculous + death, suitable to his vocation. + </p> + <p> + June. This month will be distinguish'd at home, by the utter dispersing of + those ridiculous deluded enthusiasts, commonly call'd the Prophets; + occasion'd chiefly by seeing the time come that many of their prophecies + should be fulfill'd, and then finding themselves deceiv'd by contrary + events. It is indeed to be admir'd how any deceiver can be so weak, to + foretel things near at hand, when a very few months must of necessity + discover the impostor to all the world; in this point less prudent than + common almanack-makers, who are so wise to wonder in generals, and talk + dubiously, and leave to the reader the business of interpreting. + </p> + <p> + On the 1st of this month a French general will be killed by a random shot + of a cannon-ball. + </p> + <p> + On the 6th a fire will break out in the suburbs of Paris, which will + destroy above a thousand houses; and seems to be the foreboding of what + will happen, to the surprize of all Europe, about the end of the following + month. + </p> + <p> + On the 10th a great battle will be fought, which will begin at four of the + clock in the afternoon; and last till nine at night with great obstinacy, + but no very decisive event. I shall not name the place, for the reasons + aforesaid; but the commanders on each left wing will be killed.—I + see bonfires, and hear the noise of guns for a victory. + </p> + <p> + On the 14th there will be a false report of the French king's death. + </p> + <p> + On the 20th Cardinal Portocarero will die of a dysentery, with great + suspicion of poison; but the report of his intention to revolt to King + Charles, will prove false. + </p> + <p> + July. The 6th of this month a certain general will, by a glorious action, + recover the reputation he lost by former misfortunes. + </p> + <p> + On the 12th a great commander will die a prisoner in the hands of his + enemies. + </p> + <p> + On the 14th a shameful discovery will be made of a French Jesuit, giving + poison to a great foreign general; and when he is put to the torture, will + make wonderful discoveries. + </p> + <p> + In short this will prove a month of great action, if I might have liberty + to relate the particulars. + </p> + <p> + At home, the death of an old famous senator will happen on the 15th at his + country-house, worn with age and diseases. + </p> + <p> + But that which will make this month memorable to all posterity, is the + death of the French King, Lewis the fourteenth, after a week's sickness at + Marli, which will happen on the 29th, about six o'clock in the evening. It + seems to be an effect of the gout in his stomach, followed by a flux. And + in three days after Monsieur Chamillard will follow his master, dying + suddenly of an appoplexy. + </p> + <p> + In this month likewise an ambassador will die in London; but I cannot + assign the day. + </p> + <p> + August. The affairs of France will seem to suffer no change for a while + under the Duke of Burgundy's administration; but the genius that animated + the whole machine being gone, will be the cause of mighty turns and + revolutions in the following year. The new King makes yet little change + either in the army or the ministry; but the libels against his + grandfather, that fly about his very court, give him uneasiness. + </p> + <p> + I see an express in mighty haste, with joy and wonder in his looks, + arriving by break of day on the 26th of this month, having travell'd in + three days a prodigious journey by land and sea. In the evening I hear + bells and guns, and see the blazing of a thousand bonfires. + </p> + <p> + A young admiral of noble birth, does likewise this month gain immortal + honour by a great achievement. + </p> + <p> + The affairs of Poland are this month entirely settled: Augustus resigns + his pretensions which he had again taken up for some time: Stanislaus is + peaceably possess'd of the throne; and the King of Sweden declares for the + Emperor. + </p> + <p> + I cannot omit one particular accident here at home; that near the end of + this month much mischief will be done at Bartholomew Fair, by the fall of + a booth. + </p> + <p> + September. This month begins with a very surprizing fit of frosty weather, + which will last near twelve days. + </p> + <p> + The Pope having long languish'd last month, the swellings in his legs + breaking, and the flesh mortifying, will die on the 11th instant; and in + three weeks time, after a mighty contest, be succeeded by a cardinal of + the imperial faction, but native of Tuscany, who is now about sixty-one + years old. + </p> + <p> + The French army acts now wholly on the defensive, strongly fortify'd in + their trenches; and the young French King sends overtures for a treaty of + peace by the Duke of Mantua; which, because it is a matter of state that + concerns us here at home, I shall speak no farther of it. + </p> + <p> + I shall add but one prediction more, and that in mystical terms, which + shall be included in a verse out of Virgil, + </p> + <p> + Alter erit jam Tethys, & altera quae vehat Argo. Delectos heroas. + </p> + <p> + Upon the 25th day of this month, the fulfilling of this prediction will be + manifest to every body. + </p> + <p> + This is the farthest I have proceeded in my calculations for the present + year. I do not pretend, that these are all the great events which will + happen in this period, but that those I have set down will infallibly come + to pass. It will perhaps still be objected, why I have not spoke more + particularly of affairs at home, or of the success of our armies abroad, + which I might, and could very largely have done; but those in power have + wisely discouraged men from meddling in publick concerns, and I was + resolv'd by no means to give the least offence. This I will venture to + say, That it will be a glorious campaign for the allies, wherein the + English forces, both by sea and land, will have their full share of + honour: That her Majesty Queen Anne will continue in health and + prosperity: And that no ill accident will arrive to any of the chief + ministry. + </p> + <p> + As to the particular events I have mention'd, the readers may judge by the + fulfilling of 'em, whether I am on the level with common astrologers; who, + with an old paultry cant, and a few pothook for planets, to amuse the + vulgar, have, in my opinion, too long been suffer'd to abuse the world: + But an honest physician ought not to be despis'd, because there are such + things as mountebanks. I hope I have some share of reputation, which I + would not willingly forfeit for a frolick or humour: And I believe no + gentleman, who reads this paper, will look upon it to be of the same cast + or mould with the common scribblers that are every day hawk'd about. My + fortune has placed me above the little regard of scribbling for a few + pence, which I neither value or want: Therefore let no wise men too + hastily condemn this essay, intended for a good design, to cultivate and + improve an ancient art, long in disgrace, by having fallen into mean and + unskilful hands. A little time will determine whether I have deceived + others or myself: and I think it is no very unreasonable request, that men + would please to suspend their judgments till then. I was once of the + opinion with those who despise all predictions from the stars, till the + year 1686, a man of quality shew'd me, written in his album, That the most + learned astronomer, Captain H. assured him, he would never believe any + thing of the stars' influence, if there were not a great revolution in + England in the year 1688. Since that time I began to have other thoughts, + and after eighteen years diligent study and application, I think I have no + reason to repent of my pains. I shall detain the reader no longer, than to + let him know, that the account I design to give of next year's events, + shall take in the principal affairs that happen in Europe; and if I be + denied the liberty of offering it to my own country, I shall appeal to the + learned world, by publishing it in Latin, and giving order to have it + printed in Holland. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + The Accomplishment of the First of Mr Bickerstaff's Predictions; + </h2> + <p> + being an account of the death of Mr Partridge, the almanack-maker, upon + the 29th instant. + </p> + <p> + In a letter to a person of honour Written in the year 1708 + </p> + <p> + My Lord, + </p> + <p> + In obedience to your Lordship's commands, as well as to satisfy my own + curiosity, I have for some days past enquired constantly after Partridge + the almanack-maker, of whom it was foretold in Mr. Bickerstaff's + predictions, publish'd about a month ago, that he should die on the 29th + instant about eleven at night of a raging fever. I had some sort of + knowledge of him when I was employ'd in the Revenue, because he used every + year to present me with his almanack, as he did other gentlemen, upon the + score of some little gratuity we gave him. I saw him accidentally once or + twice about ten days before he died, and observed he began very much to + droop and languish, tho' I hear his friends did not seem to apprehend him + in any danger. About two or three days ago he grew ill, and was confin'd + first to his chamber, and in a few hours after to his bed, where Dr. Case + and Mrs. Kirleus were sent for to visit, and to prescribe to him. Upon + this intelligence I sent thrice every day one servant or other to enquire + after his health; and yesterday, about four in the afternoon, word was + brought me that he was past hopes: Upon which, I prevailed with myself to + go and see him, partly out of commiseration, and I confess, partly out of + curiosity. He knew me very well, seem'd surpriz'd at my condescension, and + made me compliments upon it as well as he could, in the condition he was. + The people about him said, he had been for some time delirious; but when I + saw him, he had his understanding as well as ever I knew, and spake strong + and hearty, without any seeming uneasiness or constraint. After I told him + how sorry I was to see him in those melancholy circumstances, and said + some other civilities, suitable to the occasion, I desired him to tell me + freely and ingeniously, whether the predictions Mr. Bickerstaff had + publish'd relating to his death, had not too much affected and worked on + his imagination. He confess'd he had often had it in his head, but never + with much apprehension, till about a fortnight before; since which time it + had the perpetual possession of his mind and thoughts, and he did verily + believe was the true natural cause of his present distemper: For, said he, + I am thoroughly persuaded, and I think I have very good reasons, that Mr. + Bickerstaff spoke altogether by guess, and knew no more what will happen + this year than I did myself. I told him his discourse surprized me; and I + would be glad he were in a state of health to be able to tell me what + reason he had to be convinc'd of Mr. Bickerstaff's ignorance. He reply'd, + I am a poor ignorant fellow, bred to a mean trade, yet I have sense enough + to know that all pretences of foretelling by astrology are deceits, for + this manifest reason, because the wise and the learned, who can only know + whether there be any truth in this science, do all unanimously agree to + laugh at and despise it; and none but the poor ignorant vulgar give it any + credit, and that only upon the word of such silly wretches as I and my + fellows, who can hardly write or read. I then asked him why he had not + calculated his own nativity, to see whether it agreed with Bickerstaff's + prediction? at which he shook his head, and said, Oh! sir, this is no time + for jesting, but for repenting those fooleries, as I do now from the very + bottom of my heart. By what I can gather from you, said I, the + observations and predictions you printed, with your almanacks, were mere + impositions on the people. He reply'd, if it were otherwise I should have + the less to answer for. We have a common form for all those things, as to + foretelling the weather, we never meddle with that, but leave it to the + printer, who takes it out of any old almanack, as he thinks fit; the rest + was my own invention, to make my almanack sell, having a wife to maintain, + and no other way to get my bread; for mending old shoes is a poor + livelihood; and, (added he, sighing) I wish I may not have done more + mischief by my physick than my astrology; tho' I had some good receipts + from my grandmother, and my own compositions were such as I thought could + at least do no hurt. + </p> + <p> + I had some other discourse with him, which now I cannot call to mind; and + I fear I have already tired your Lordship. I shall only add one + circumstance, That on his death-bed he declared himself a Nonconformist, + and had a fanatick preacher to be his spiritual guide. After half an + hour's conversation I took my leave, being half stifled by the closeness + of the room. I imagine he could not hold out long, and therefore withdrew + to a little coffee-house hard by, leaving a servant at the house with + orders to come immediately, and tell me, as near as he could, the minute + when Partridge should expire, which was not above two hours after; when, + looking upon my watch, I found it to be above five minutes after seven; by + which it is clear that Mr. Bickerstaff was mistaken almost four hours in + his calculation. In the other circumstances he was exact enough. But + whether he has not been the cause of this poor man's death, as well as the + predictor, may be very reasonably disputed. However, it must be confess'd + the matter is odd enough, whether we should endeavour to account for it by + chance, or the effect of imagination: For my own part, tho' I believe no + man has less faith in these matters, yet I shall wait with some + impatience, and not without some expectation, the fulfilling of Mr. + Bickerstaff's second prediction, that the Cardinal de Noailles is to die + upon the fourth of April, and if that should be verified as exactly as + this of poor Partridge, I must own I should be wholly surprized, and at a + loss, and should infallibly expect the accomplishment of all the rest. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + An Elegy on the supposed Death of Partridge, the Almanack-Maker. + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Well, 'tis as Bickerstaff has guess'd, + Tho' we all took it for a jest; + Partridge is dead, nay more, he dy'd + E're he could prove the good 'Squire ly'd. + Strange, an Astrologer shou'd die, + Without one Wonder in the Sky! + Not one of all his Crony Stars + To pay their Duty at his Herse? + No Meteor, no Eclipse appear'd? + No Comet with a flaming Beard? + The Sun has rose, and gone to Bed, + Just as if partridge were not dead: + Nor hid himself behind the Moon, + To make a dreadful Night at Noon. + He at fit Periods walks through Aries, + Howe'er our earthly Motion varies; + And twice a Year he'll cut th' Equator, + As if there had been no such Matter. + + Some Wits have wonder'd what Analogy + There is 'twixt Cobbling* and Astrology: + How Partridge made his Optics rise, + From a Shoe-Sole, to reach the Skies. + + A List of Coblers Temples Ties, + To keep the Hair out of their Eyes; + From whence 'tis plain the Diadem + That Princes wear, derives from them. + And therefore Crowns are now-a-days + Adorn'd with Golden Stars and Rays, + Which plainly shews the near Alliance + 'Twixt cobling and the Planets Science. + + Besides, that slow-pac'd Sign Bootes, + As 'tis miscall'd, we know not who 'tis? + But Partridge ended all Disputes, + He knew his Trade, and call'd it **Boots. + + The Horned Moon, which heretofore + Upon their Shoes the Romans wore, + Whose Wideness kept their Toes from Corns, + And whence we claim our Shooing-Horns; + Shows how the Art of Cobling bears + A near Resemblance to the Spheres. + + A Scrap of Parchment hung by Geometry + (A great Refinement in Barometry) + Can, like the Stars, foretel the Weather; + And what is Parchment else but Leather? + Which an Astrologer might use, + Either for Almanacks or Shoes. + + Thus Partridge, by his Wit and Parts, + At once did practise both these Arts; + And as the boading Owl (or rather + The Bat, because her Wings are Leather) + Steals from her private Cell by Night, + And flies about the Candle-Light; + So learned Partridge could as well + Creep in the Dark from Leathern Cell, + And, in his Fancy, fly as fair, + To peep upon a twinkling Star. + + Besides, he could confound the Spheres, + And set the Planets by the Ears; + To shew his Skill, he Mars could join + To Venus in Aspect Mali'n; + Then call in Mercury for Aid, + And cure the Wounds that Venus made. + + Great Scholars have in Lucian read, + When Philip, King of Greece was dead, + His Soul and Spirit did divide, + And each Part took a diff'rent Side; + One rose a Star, the other fell + Beneath, and mended Shoes in Hell. + + Thus Partridge still shines in each Art, + The Cobling and Star-gazing Part, + And is install'd as good a Star + As any of the Caesars are. + + Triumphant Star! some Pity shew + On Coblers militant below, + Whom roguish Boys in stormy Nights + Torment, by pissing out their Lights; + Or thro' a Chink convey their Smoke; + Inclos'd Artificers to choke. + + Thou, high exalted in thy Sphere, + May'st follow still thy Calling there. + To thee the Bull will lend his hide, + By Phoebus newly tann'd and dry'd. + For thee they Argo's Hulk will tax, + And scrape her pitchy Sides for Wax. + Then Ariadne kindly lends + Her braided Hair to make thee Ends. + The Point of Sagittarius' Dart + Turns to an awl, by heav'nly Art; + And Vulcan, wheedled by his Wife, + Will forge for thee a Paring-Knife. + For want of Room, by Virgo's Side, + She'll strain a Point, and sit astride***, + To take thee kindly in between, + And then the Signs will be Thirteen. + + *Partridge was a Cobler. + + ** See his Almanack + + ***Tibi brachia contrahet ingens Scorpius, etc. +</pre> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + An Epitaph on Partridge. + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Here, five Foot deep, lies on his Back, + A Cobler, Starmonger, and Quack; + Who to the Stars in pure Good-will, + Does to his best look upward still. + Weep all you Customers that use + His Pills, his Almanacks, or Shoes; + And you that did your Fortunes seek, + Step to his Grave but once a Week: + This Earth which bears his Body's Print, + You'll find has so much Vertue in't, + That I durst pawn my Ears 'twill tell + Whate'er concerns you full as well, + In Physick, Stolen Goods, or Love, + As he himself could, when above. +</pre> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Partridge's reply + </h2> + <h3> + 'Squire Bickerstaff detected; or, the astrological impostor convicted; + </h3> + <p> + by John Partridge, student in physick and astrology. + </p> + <p> + It is hard, my dear countrymen of these united nations, it is very hard + that a Briton born, a Protestant astrologer, a man of revolution + principles, an assertor of the liberty and property of the people, should + cry out, in vain, for justice against a Frenchman, a Papist, an illiterate + pretender to science; that would blast my reputation, most inhumanly bury + me alive, and defraud my native country of those services, that, in my + double capacity, I daily offer to the publick. + </p> + <p> + What great provocations I have receiv'd, let the impartial reader judge, + and how unwillingly, even in my own defence, I now enter the lists against + falsehood, ignorance and envy: But I am exasperated, at length, to drag + out this cacus from the den of obscurity where he lurks, detect him by the + light of those stars he has so impudently traduced, and shew there's not a + monster in the skies so pernicious and malevolent to mankind, as an + ignorant pretender to physick and astrology. I shall not directly fall on + the many gross errors, nor expose the notorious absurdities of this + prostituted libeller, till I have let the learned world fairly into the + controversy depending, and then leave the unprejudiced to judge of the + merits and justice of the cause. + </p> + <p> + It was towards the conclusion of the year 1707, when an impudent pamphlet + crept into the world, intituled, 'Predictions, etc.' by Isaac Bickerstaff, + Esq;—Amongst the many arrogant assertions laid down by that lying + spirit of divination, he was pleas'd to pitch on the Cardinal de Noailles + and myself, among many other eminent and illustrious persons, that were to + die within the compass of the ensuing year; and peremptorily fixes the + month, day, and hour of our deaths: This, I think, is sporting with great + men, and publick spirits, to the scandal of religion, and reproach of + power; and if sovereign princes and astrologers must make diversion for + the vulgar—— why then farewel, say I, to all governments, + ecclesiastical and civil. But, I thank my better stars, I am alive to + confront this false and audacious predictor, and to make him rue the hour + he ever affronted a man of science and resentment. The Cardinal may take + what measures he pleases with him; as his excellency is a foreigner, and a + papist, he has no reason to rely on me for his justification; I shall only + assure the world he is alive—— but as he was bred to letters, + and is master of a pen, let him use it in his own defence. In the mean + time I shall present the publick with a faithful narrative of the + ungenerous treatment and hard usage I have received from the virulent + papers and malicious practices of this pretended astrologer. + </p> + <p> + A true and impartial account of the proceedings of Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq; + against me—— + </p> + <p> + The 28th of March, Anno Dom. 1708, being the night this sham-prophet had + so impudently fix'd for my last, which made little impression on myself; + but I cannot answer for my whole family; for my wife, with a concern more + than usual, prevailed on me to take somewhat to sweat for a cold; and, + between the hours of eight and nine, to go to bed: The maid, as she was + warming my bed, with a curiosity natural to young wenches, runs to the + window, and asks of one passing the street, who the bell toll'd for? Dr. + Partridge, says he, that famous almanack-maker, who died suddenly this + evening: The poor girl provoked, told him he ly'd like a rascal; the other + very sedately reply'd, the sexton had so informed him, and if false, he + was to blame for imposing upon a stranger. She asked a second, and a + third, as they passed, and every one was in the same tone. Now I don't say + these are accomplices to a certain astrological 'squire, and that one + Bickerstaff might be sauntring thereabouts; because I will assert nothing + here but what I dare attest, and plain matter of fact. My wife at this + fell into a violent disorder; and I must own I was a little discomposed at + the oddness of the accident. In the mean time one knocks at my door, Betty + runs down, and opening, finds a sober grave person, who modestly enquires + if this was Dr. Partridge's? She taking him for some cautious + city-patient, that came at that time for privacy, shews him into the + dining room. As soon as I could compose myself, I went to him, and was + surprized to find my gentleman mounted on a table with a two-foot rule in + his hand, measuring my walls, and taking the dimensions of the room. Pray + sir, says I, not to interrupt you, have you any business with me? Only, + sir, replies he, order the girl to bring me a better light, for this is + but a very dim one. Sir, says I, my name is Partridge: Oh! the Doctor's + brother, belike, cries he; the stair-case, I believe, and these two + apartments hung in close mourning, will be sufficient, and only a strip of + bays round the other rooms. The Doctor must needs die rich, he had great + dealings in his way for many years; if he had no family coat, you had as + good use the escutcheons of the company, they are as showish, and will + look as magnificent as if he was descended from the blood royal. With that + I assumed a great air of authority, and demanded who employ'd him, or how + he came there? Why, I was sent, sir, by the Company of Undertakers, says + he, and they were employed by the honest gentleman, who is executor to the + good Doctor departed; and our rascally porter, I believe, is fallen fast + asleep with the black cloth and sconces, or he had been here, and we might + have been tacking up by this time. Sir, says I, pray be advis'd by a + friend, and make the best of your speed out of my doors, for I hear my + wife's voice, (which by the by, is pretty distinguishable) and in that + corner of the room stands a good cudgel, which somebody has felt e're now; + if that light in her hands, and she know the business you come about, + without consulting the stars, I can assure you it will be employed very + much to the detriment of your person. Sir, cries he, bowing with great + civility, I perceive extreme grief for the loss of the Doctor disorders + you a little at present, but early in the morning I'll wait on you with + all necessary materials. Now I mention no Mr. Bickerstaff, nor do I say, + that a certain star-gazing 'squire has been playing my executor before his + time; but I leave the world to judge, and if he puts things and things + fairly together, it won't be much wide of the mark. + </p> + <p> + Well, once more I got my doors clos'd, and prepar'd for bed, in hopes of a + little repose after so many ruffling adventures; just as I was putting out + my light in order to it, another bounces as hard as he can knock; I open + the window, and ask who's there, and what he wants? I am Ned the sexton, + replies he, and come to know whether the Doctor left any orders for a + funeral sermon, and where he is to be laid, and whether his grave is to be + plain or bricked? Why, sirrah, says I, you know me well enough; you know I + am not dead, and how dare you affront me in this manner? Alack-a-day, + replies the fellow, why 'tis in print, and the whole town knows you are + dead; why, there's Mr. White the joiner is but fitting screws to your + coffin, he'll be here with it in an instant: he was afraid you would have + wanted it before this time. Sirrah, Sirrah, says I, you shall know + tomorrow to your cost, that I am alive, and alive like to be. Why, 'tis + strange, sir, says he, you should make such a secret of your death to us + that are your neighbours; it looks as if you had a design to defraud the + church of its dues; and let me tell you, for one that has lived so long by + the heavens, that's unhandsomely done. Hist, Hist, says another rogue that + stood by him, away Doctor, in your flannel gear as fast as you can, for + here's a whole pack of dismals coming to you with their black equipage, + and how indecent will it look for you to stand fright'ning folks at your + window, when you should have been in your coffin this three hours? In + short, what with undertakers, imbalmers, joiners, sextons, and your damn'd + elegy hawkers, upon a late practitioner in physick and astrology, I got + not one wink of sleep that night, nor scarce a moment's rest ever since. + Now I doubt not but this villainous 'squire has the impudence to assert, + that these are entirely strangers to him; he, good man, knows nothing of + the matter, and honest Isaac Bickerstaff, I warrant you, is more a man of + honour, than to be an accomplice with a pack of rascals, that walk the + streets on nights, and disturb good people in their beds; but he is out, + if he thinks the whole world is blind; for there is one John Partridge can + smell a knave as far as Grubstreet,—tho' he lies in the most exalted + garret, and writes himself 'Squire:— + </p> + <p> + But I'll keep my temper, and proceed in the narration. + </p> + <p> + I could not stir out of doors for the space of three months after this, + but presently one comes up to me in the street; Mr Partridge, that coffin + you was last buried in I have not been yet paid for: Doctor, cries another + dog, How d'ye think people can live by making of graves for nothing? Next + time you die, you may e'en toll out the bell yourself for Ned. A third + rogue tips me by the elbow, and wonders how I have the conscience to sneak + abroad without paying my funeral expences. Lord, says one, I durst have + swore that was honest Dr. Partridge, my old friend; but poor man, he is + gone. I beg your pardon, says another, you look so like my old + acquaintance that I used to consult on some private occasions; but, alack, + he's gone the way of all flesh—— Look, look, look, cries a + third, after a competent space of staring at me, would not one think our + neighbour the almanack-maker, was crept out of his grave to take t'other + peep at the stars in this world, and shew how much he is improv'd in + fortune-telling by having taken a journey to the other? + </p> + <p> + Nay, the very reader, of our parish, a good sober, discreet person, has + sent two or three times for me to come and be buried decently, or send him + sufficient reasons to the contrary, if I have been interr'd in any other + parish, to produce my certificate, as the act requires. My poor wife is + almost run distracted with being called Widow Partridge, when she knows + its false; and once a term she is cited into the court, to take out + letters of administration. But the greatest grievance is, a paultry quack, + that takes up my calling just under my nose, and in his printed directions + with N.B. says, He lives in the house of the late ingenious Mr. John + Partridge, an eminent practitioner in leather, physick and astrology. + </p> + <p> + But to show how far the wicked spirit of envy, malice and resentment can + hurry some men, my nameless old persecutor had provided me a monument at + the stone-cutter's and would have erected it in the parish-church; and + this piece of notorious and expensive villany had actually succeeded, had + I not used my utmost interest with the vestry, where it was carried at + last but by two voices, that I am still alive. That stratagem failing, out + comes a long sable elegy, bedeck'd with hour-glasses, mattocks, sculls, + spades, and skeletons, with an epitaph as confidently written to abuse me, + and my profession, as if I had been under ground these twenty years. + </p> + <p> + And, after such barbarous treatment as this, can the world blame me, when + I ask, What is become of the freedom of an Englishman? And where is the + liberty and property that my old glorious friend came over to assert? We + have drove popery out of the nation, and sent slavery to foreign climes. + The arts only remain in bondage, when a man of science and character shall + be openly insulted in the midst of the many useful services he is daily + paying to the publick. Was it ever heard, even in Turkey or Algiers, that + a state-astrologer was banter'd out of his life by an ignorant impostor, + or bawl'd out of the world by a pack of villanous, deep-mouth'd hawkers? + Though I print almanacks, and publish advertisements; though I produce + certificates under the ministers and church-wardens hands I am alive, and + attest the same on oath at quarter-sessions, out comes a full and true + relation of the death and interment of John Partridge; Truth is bore down, + attestations neglected, the testimony of sober persons despised, and a man + is looked upon by his neighbours as if he had been seven years dead, and + is buried alive in the midst of his friends and acquaintance. + </p> + <p> + Now can any man of common sense think it consistent with the honour of my + profession, and not much beneath the dignity of a philosopher, to stand + bawling before his own door?—— Alive! Alive ho! The famous Dr. + Partridge! No counterfeit, but all alive!—— As if I had the + twelve celestial monsters of the zodiac to shew within, or was forced for + a livelihood to turn retailer to May and Bartholomew Fairs. Therefore, if + Her Majesty would but graciously be pleased to think a hardship of this + nature worthy her royal consideration, and the next parliament, in their + great wisdom cast but an eye towards the deplorable case of their old + philomath, that annually bestows his poetical good wishes on them, I am + sure there is one Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq; would soon be truss'd up for his + bloody predictions, and putting good subjects in terror of their lives: + And that henceforward to murder a man by way of prophecy, and bury him in + a printed letter, either to a lord or commoner, shall as legally entitle + him to the present possession of Tyburn, as if he robb'd on the highway, + or cut your throat in bed. + </p> + <p> + I shall demonstrate to the judicious, that France and Rome are at the + bottom of this horrid conspiracy against me; and that culprit aforesaid is + a popish emissary, has paid his visits to St. Germains, and is now in the + measures of Lewis XIV. That in attempting my reputation, there is a + general massacre of learning designed in these realms; and through my + sides there is a wound given to all the Protestant almanack-makers in the + universe. + </p> + <p> + Vivat Regina. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + A vindication of Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq; + </h2> + <p> + against what is objected to him by Mr. Partridge in his almanack for the + present year 1709. + </p> + <p> + By the said Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq; + </p> + <p> + Written in the year 1709. + </p> + <p> + Mr. Partridge hath been lately pleased to treat me after a very rough + manner, in that which is called, his almanack for the present year: Such + usage is very undecent from one gentleman to another, and does not at all + contribute to the discovery of truth, which ought to be the great end in + all disputes of the learned. To call a man fool and villain, and impudent + fellow, only for differing from him in a point meer speculative, is, in my + humble opinion, a very improper style for a person of his education. I + appeal to the learned world, whether in my last year's predictions I gave + him the least provocation for such unworthy treatment. Philosophers have + differed in all ages; but the discreetest among them have always differed + as became philosophers. Scurrility and passion, in a controversy among + scholars, is just so much of nothing to the purpose, and at best, a tacit + confession of a weak cause: My concern is not so much for my own + reputation, as that of the Republick of Letters, which Mr. Partridge hath + endeavoured to wound through my sides. If men of publick spirit must be + superciliously treated for their ingenious attempts, how will true useful + knowledge be ever advanced? I wish Mr. Partridge knew the thoughts which + foreign universities have conceived of his ungenerous proceedings with me; + but I am too tender of his reputation to publish them to the world. That + spirit of envy and pride, which blasts so many rising genius's in our + nation, is yet unknown among professors abroad: The necessity of + justifying myself will excuse my vanity, when I tell the reader that I + have near a hundred honorary letters from several parts of Europe (some as + far as Muscovy) in praise of my performance. Besides several others, + which, as I have been credibly informed, were open'd in the post-office + and never sent me. 'Tis true the Inquisition in Portugal was pleased to + burn my predictions, and condem the author and readers of them; but I hope + at the same time, it will be consider'd in how deplorable a state learning + lies at present in that kingdom: And with the profoundest veneration for + crown'd heads, I will presume to add, that it a little concerned His + Majesty of Portugal, to interpose his authority in behalf of a scholar and + a gentleman, the subject of a nation with which he is now in so strict an + alliance. But the other kingdoms and states of Europe have treated me with + more candor and generosity. If I had leave to print the Latin letters + transmitted to me from foreign parts, they would fill a volume, and be a + full defence against all that Mr. Partridge, or his accomplices of the + Portugal Inquisition, will be able to object; who, by the way, are the + only enemies my predictions have ever met with at home or abroad. But I + hope I know better what is due to the honour of a learned correspondence + in so tender a point. Yet some of those illustrious persons will perhaps + excuse me from transcribing a passage or two in my own vindication. The + most learned Monsieur Leibnits thus addresses to me his third letter: + Illustrissimo Bickerstaffio Astrologiae instauratori, etc. Monsieur le + Clerc, quoting my predictions in a treatise he published last year, is + pleased to say, Ita nuperrime Bickerstaffius magnum illud Angliae fidus. + Another great professor writing of me, has these words: Bickerstaffius, + nobilis Anglus, Astrologorum hujusce Saeculi facile Princeps. Signior + Magliabecchi, the Great Duke's famous library-keeper, spends almost his + whole letter in compliments and praises. 'Tis true, the renowned Professor + of Astronomy at Utrecht, seems to differ from me in one article; but it is + in a modest manner, that becomes a philosopher; as, Pace tanti viri + dixerim: And pag.55, he seems to lay the error upon the printer (as indeed + it ought) and says, vel forsan error typographi, cum alioquin + Bickerstaffius ver doctissimus, etc. + </p> + <p> + If Mr. Partridge had followed this example in the controversy between us, + he might have spared me the trouble of justifying myself in so publick a + manner. I believe few men are readier to own their errors than I, or more + thankful to those who will please to inform me of them. But it seems this + gentleman, instead of encouraging the progress of his own art, is pleased + to look upon all attempts of that kind as an invasion of his province. He + has been indeed so wise to make no objection against the truth of my + predictions, except in one single point, relating to himself: And to + demonstrate how much men are blinded by their own partiality, I do + solemnly assure the reader, that he is the only person from whom I ever + heard that objection offered; which consideration alone, I think, will + take off all its weight. + </p> + <p> + With my utmost endeavours, I have not been able to trace above two + objections ever made against the truth of my last year's prophecies: The + first was of a French man, who was pleased to publish to the world, that + the Cardinal de Noailles was still alive, notwithstanding the pretended + prophecy of Monsieur Biquerstaffe: But how far a Frenchman, a papist, and + an enemy is to be believed in his own case against an English Protestant, + who is true to his government, I shall leave to the candid and impartial + reader. + </p> + <p> + The other objection is the unhappy occasion of this discourse, and relates + to an article in my predictions, which foretold the death of Mr. + Partridge, to happen on March 29, 1708. This he is pleased to contradict + absolutely in the almanack he has published for the present year, and in + that ungentlemanly manner (pardon the expression) as I have above related. + In that work he very roundly asserts, That he is not only now alive, but + was likewise alive upon that very 29th of March, when I had foretold he + should die. This is the subject of the present controversy between us; + which I design to handle with all brevity, perspicuity, and calmness: In + this dispute, I am sensible the eyes not only of England, but of all + Europe, will be upon us; and the learned in every country will, I doubt + not, take part on that side, where they find most appearance of reason and + truth. + </p> + <p> + Without entering into criticisms of chronology about the hour of his + death, I shall only prove that Mr. Partridge is not alive. And my first + argument is thus: Above a thousand gentelmen having bought his almanacks + for this year, merely to find what he said against me; at every line they + read, they would lift up their eyes, and cry out, betwixt rage and + laughter, "They were sure no man alive ever writ such damn'd stuff as + this." Neither did I ever hear that opinion disputed: So that Mr. + Partridge lies under a dilemma, either of disowning his almanack, or + allowing himself to be "no man alive". But now if an uninformed carcase + walks still about, and is pleased to call itself Partridge, Mr. + Bickerstaff does not think himself any way answerable for that. Neither + had the said carcase any right to beat the poor boy who happen'd to pass + by it in the street, crying, "A full and true account of Dr. Partridge's + death, etc." + </p> + <p> + Secondly, Mr. Partridge pretends to tell fortunes, and recover stolen + goods; which all the parish says he must do by conversing with the devil + and other evil spirits: And no wise man will ever allow he could converse + personally with either, till after he was dead. + </p> + <p> + Thirdly, I will plainly prove him to be dead out of his own almanack for + this year, and from the very passage which he produces to make us think + him alive. He there says, "He is not only now alive, but was also alive on + the very 29th of March, which I foretold he should die on": By this, he + declares his opinion, that a man may be alive now, who was not alive a + twelvemonth ago. And indeed, there lies the sophistry of this argument. He + dares not assert, he was alive ever since that 29th of March, but that he + is now alive, and was so on that day: I grant the latter; for he did not + die till night, as appears by the printed account of his death, in a + letter to a lord; and whether he is since revived I leave the world to + judge. This indeed is perfect cavilling, and I am ashamed to dwell any + longer upon it. + </p> + <p> + Fourthly, I will appeal to Mr. Partridge himself, whether it be probable I + could have been so indiscreet, to begin my predictions with the only + falsehood that ever was pretended to be in them; and this in an affair at + home, where I had so many opportunities to be exact; and must have given + such advantages against me to a person of Mr. Partridge's wit and + learning, who, if he could possibly have raised one single objection more + against the truth of my prophecies, would hardly have spared me. + </p> + <p> + And here I must take occasion to reprove the above mention'd writer of the + relation of Mr. Partridge's death, in a letter to a lord; who was pleased + to tax me with a mistake of four whole hours in my calculation of that + event. I must confess, this censure pronounced with an air of certainty, + in a matter that so nearly concerned me, and by a grave judicious author, + moved me not a little. But tho' I was at that time out of town, yet + several of my friends, whose curiosity had led them to be exactly informed + (for as to my own part, having no doubt at all in the matter, I never once + thought of it) assured me, I computed to something under half an hour: + which (I speak my private opinion) is an error of no very great magnitude, + that men should raise a clamour about it. I shall only say, it would not + be amiss, if that author would henceforth be more tender of other men's + reputations as well as his own. It is well there were no more mistakes of + that kind; if there had, I presume he would have told me of them with as + little ceremony. + </p> + <p> + There is one objection against Mr. Partridge's death, which I have + sometimes met with, though indeed very slightly offered, That he still + continues to write almanacks. But this is no more than what is common to + all that profession; Gadbury, Poor Robin, Dove, Wing, and several others, + do yearly publish their almanacks, though several of them have been dead + since before the Revolution. Now the natural reason of this I take to be, + that whereas it is the privilege of other authors to live after their + deaths; almanack-makers are alone excluded, because their dissertations + treating only upon the minutes as they pass, become useless as those go + off. In consideration of which, Time, whose registers they are, gives them + a lease in reversion, to continue their works after their death. + </p> + <p> + I should not have given the publick or myself the trouble of this + vindication, if my name had not been made use of by several persons, to + whom I never lent it; one of which, a few days ago, was pleased to father + on me a new sett of predictions. But I think those are things too serious + to be trifled with. It grieved me to the heart, when I saw my labours, + which had cost me so much thought and watching, bawl'd about by common + hawkers, which I only intended for the weighty consideration of the + gravest persons. This prejudiced the world so much at first, that several + of my friends had the assurance to ask me whether I were in jest? To which + I only answered coldly, that the event would shew. But it is the talent of + our age and nation, to turn things of the greatest importance into + ridicule. When the end of the year had verified all my predictions, out + comes Mr. Partridge's almanack, disputing the point of his death; so that + I am employed, like the general who was forced to kill his enemies twice + over, whom a necromancer had raised to life. If Mr. Partridge has + practised the same experiment upon himself, and be again alive, long may + he continue so; that does not in the least contradict my veracity: But I + think I have clearly proved, by invincible demonstration, that he died at + farthest within half an hour of the time I foretold, and not four hours + sooner, as the above-mentioned author, in his letter to a lord, hath + maliciously suggested, with design to blast my credit, by charging me with + so gross a mistake. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + A famous prediction of Merlin, the British wizard. + </h2> + <p> + Written above a thousand years ago, and relating to the year 1709, with + explanatory notes. + </p> + <p> + Last year was publish'd a paper of predictions, pretended to be written by + one Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq; but the true design of it was to ridicule the + art of astrology, and expose its professors as ignorant or impostors. + Against this imputation, Dr. Partridge hath vindicated himself in his + almanack for that year. + </p> + <p> + For a farther vindication of this famous art, I have thought fit to + present the world with the following prophecy. The original is said to be + of the famous Merlin, who lived about a thousand years ago; and the + following translation is two hundred years old, for it seems to be written + near the end of Henry the Seventh's reign. I found it in an old edition of + Merlin's Prophecies, imprinted at London by John Hawkins in the year 1530, + page 39. I set it down word for word in the old orthography, and shall + take leave to subjoin a few explanatory notes. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Seven and Ten addyd to Nyne, + Of Fraunce her Woe this is the Sygne, + Tamys Rivere twys y-frozen, + Walke sans wetyng Shoes ne Hozen. + Then comyth foorthe, ich understonde, + From Town of Stoffe to farryn Londe, + An herdye Chyftan, woe the Morne + To Fraunce, that evere he was born. + Than shall the fyshe beweyle his Bosse; + Nor shall grin Berrys make up the Losse. + Yonge Symnele shall again miscarrye: + And Norways Pryd again shall marrye. + And from the tree where Blosums feele, + Ripe Fruit shall come, and all is wele, + Reaums shall daunce Honde in Honde, + And it shall be merrye in old Inglonde, + Then old Inglonde shall be no more, + And no man shall be sorre therefore. + Geryon shall have three Hedes agayne, + Till Hapsburge makyth them but twayne. +</pre> + <p> + Explanatory notes. + </p> + <p> + Seven and Ten. This line describes the year when these events shall + happen. Seven and ten makes seventeen, which I explain seventeen hundred, + and this number added to nine, makes the year we are now in; for it must + be understood of the natural year, which begins the first of January. + </p> + <p> + Tamys Rivere twys, etc. The River Thames, frozen twice in one year, so as + men to walk on it, is a very signal accident, which perhaps hath not + fallen out for several hundred years before, and is the reason why some + astrologers have thought that this prophecy could never be fulfilled, + because they imagine such a thing would never happen in our climate. + </p> + <p> + From Town of Stoffe, etc. This is a plain designation of the Duke of + Marlborough: One kind of stuff used to fatten land is called marle, and + every body knows that borough is a name for a town; and this way of + expression is after the usual dark manner of old astrological predictions. + </p> + <p> + Then shall the Fyshe, etc. By the fish, is understood the Dauphin of + France, as their kings eldest sons are called: 'Tis here said, he shall + lament the loss of the Duke of Burgundy, called the Bosse, which is an old + English word for hump-shoulder, or crook-back, as that Duke is known to + be; and the prophecy seems to mean, that he should be overcome or slain. + By the green berrys, in the next line, is meant the young Duke of Berry, + the Dauphin's third son, who shall not have valour or fortune enough to + supply the loss of his eldest brother. + </p> + <p> + Yonge Symnele, etc. By Symnele is meant the pretended Prince of Wales, + who, if he offers to attempt anything against England, shall miscarry as + he did before. Lambert Symnele is the name of a young man, noted in our + histories for personating the son (as I remember) of Edward the fourth. + </p> + <p> + And Norway's Pryd, etc. I cannot guess who is meant by Norway's Pride, + perhaps the reader may, as well as the sense of the two following lines. + </p> + <p> + Reaums shall, etc. Reums, or, as the word is now, realms, is the old name + for kingdoms: And this is a very plain prediction of our happy Union, with + the felicities that shall attend it. It is added that Old England shall be + no more, and yet no man shall be sorry for it. And indeed, properly + speaking, England is now no more, for the whole island is one Kingdom, + under the name of Britain. + </p> + <p> + Geryon shall, etc. This prediction, tho' somewhat obscure, is wonderfully + adapt. Geryon is said to have been a king of Spain, whom Hercules slew. It + was a fiction of the poets, that he had three heads, which the author says + he shall have again: That is, Spain shall have three kings; which is now + wonderfully verified; for besides the King of Portugal, which properly is + part of Spain, there are now two rivals for Spain, Charles and Philip: But + Charles being descended fro the Count of Hapsburgh, founder of the + Austrian family, shall soon make those heads but two; by overturning + Philip, and driving him out of Spain. + </p> + <p> + Some of these predictions are already fulfilled; and it is highly probable + the rest may be in due time; and, I think, I have not forced the words, by + my explication, into any other sense than what they will naturally bear. + If this be granted, I am sure it must be also allow'd, that the author + (whoever he were) was a person of extraordinary sagacity; and that + astrology brought to such perfection as this, is by no means an art to be + despised, whatever Mr. Bickerstaff, or other merry gentlemen are pleased + to think. As to the tradition of these lines having been writ in the + original by Merlin, I confess I lay not much weight upon it: But it is + enough to justify their authority, that the book from whence I have + transcrib'd them, was printed 170 years ago, as appears by the title-page. + For the satisfaction of any gentleman, who may be either doubtful of the + truth, or curious to be inform'd; I shall give order to have the very book + sent to the printer of this paper, with directions to let anybody see it + that pleases, because I believe it is pretty scarce. + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + Dr. John Arbuthnot and Alexander Pope + </h2> + <p> + Annus Mirabilis: or, The wonderful effects of the approaching conjunction + of the planets Jupiter, Mars, and Saturn. + </p> + <p> + By Mart. Scriblerus, Philomath. + </p> + <p> + In nova fert animus mutatas dicere formas corpora..... + </p> + <p> + I suppose every body is sufficiently appriz'd of, and duly prepar'd for, + the famous conjunction to be celebrated the 29th of this instant December, + 1722, foretold by all the sages of antiquity, under the name of the Annus + Mirabilis, or the metamorphostical conjunction: a word which denotes the + mutual transformation of sexes, (the effect of that configuration of the + celestial bodies) the human males being turn'd into females, and the human + females into males. + </p> + <p> + The Egyptians have represented this great transformation by several + significant hieroglyphicks, particularly one very remarkable. There are + carv'd upon an obelisk, a barber and a midwife; the barber delivers his + razor to the midwife, and she her swadling-cloaths to the barber. + Accordingly Thales Milesius (who like the rest of his countrymen, borrow'd + his learning from the Egyptians) after having computed the time of this + famous conjunction, "Then," says he, "shall men and women mutually + exchange the pangs of shaving and child-bearing." + </p> + <p> + Anaximander modestly describes this metamorphosis in mathematical terms: + "Then," says he, "shall the negative quantity of the women be turn'd into + positive, their - into +;" (i.e.) their minus into plus. + </p> + <p> + Plato not only speaks of this great change, but describes all the + preparations towards it. "Long before the bodily transformation, (says he) + nature shall begin the most difficult part of her work, by changing the + ideas and inclinations of the two sexes: Men shall turn effeminate, and + women manly; wives shall domineer, and husbands obey; ladies shall ride a + horseback, dress'd like cavaliers; princes and nobles appear in + night-rails and petticoats; men shall squeak upon theatres with female + voices, and women corrupt virgins; lords shall knot and cut paper; and + even the northern people.........:" A Greek phrase (which for modesty's + sake I forbear to translate) which denotes a vice too frequent amongst us. + </p> + <p> + That the Ministry foresaw this great change, is plain from the + Callico-Act; whereby it is now become the occupation of women all over + England, to convert their useless female habits into beds, + window-curtains, chairs, and joint-stools; undressing themselves (as it + were) before their transformation. + </p> + <p> + The philosophy of this transformation will not seem surprizing to people + who search into the bottom of things. Madam Bourignon, a devout French + lady, has shewn us, how man was at first created male and female in one + individual, having the faculty of propagation within himself: A + circumstance necessary to the state of innocence, wherein a man's + happiness was not to depend upon the caprice of another. It was not till + after he had made a faux pas, that he had his female mate. Many such + transformations of individuals have been well attested; particularly one + by Montaigne, and another by the late Bishop of Salisbury. From all which + it appears, that this system of male and female has already undergone and + may hereafter suffer, several alterations. Every smatterer in anatomy + knows, that a woman is but an introverted man; a new fusion and flatus + will turn the hollow bottom of a bottle into a convexity; but I forbear, + (for the sake of my modest men-readers, who are in a few days to be + virgins.) + </p> + <p> + In some subjects, the smallest alterations will do: some men are + sufficiently spread about the hips, and contriv'd with female softness, + that they want only the negative quantity to make them buxom wenches; and + there are women who are, as it were, already the ebauche of a good sturdy + man. If nature cou'd be puzzl'd, it will be how to bestow the redundant + matter of the exuberant bubbies that now appear about town, or how to roll + out the short dapper fellows into well-siz'd women. + </p> + <p> + This great conjunction will begin to operate on Saturday the 29th instant. + Accordingly, about eight at night, as Senezino shall begin at the Opera, + si videte, he shall be observ'd to make an unusual motion; upon which the + audience will be affected with a red suffusion over their countenance: And + because a strong succession of the muscles of the belly is necessary + towards performing this great operation, both sexes will be thrown into a + profuse involuntary laughter. Then (to use the modest terms of + Anaximander) shall negative quantity be turn'd into positive, etc. Time + never beheld, nor will it ever assemble, such a number of untouch'd + virgins within those walls! but alas! such will be the impatience and + curiosity of people to act in their new capacity, that many of them will + be compleated men and women that very night. To prevent the disorders that + may happen upon this occasion, is the chief design of this paper. + </p> + <p> + Gentlemen have begun already to make use of this conjunction to compass + their filthy purposes. They tell the ladies forsooth, that it is only + parting with a perishable commodity, hardly of so much value as a callico + under-petticoat; since, like its mistress, it will be useless in the form + it is now in. If the ladies have no regard to the dishonour and immorality + of the action, I desire they will consider, that nature who never destroys + her own productions, will exempt big-belly'd women till the time of their + lying-in; so that not to be transformed, will be the same as to be + pregnant. If they don't think it worth while to defend a fortress that is + to be demolish'd in a few days, let them reflect that it will be a + melancholy thing nine months hence, to be brought to bed of a bastard; a + posthumous bastard as it were, to which the quondam father can be no more + than a dry nurse. + </p> + <p> + This wonderful transformation is the instrument of nature, to balance + matters between the sexes. The cruelty of scornful mistresses shall be + return'd; the slighted maid shall grow into an imperious gallant, and + reward her undoer with a big belly, and a bastard. + </p> + <p> + It is hardly possible to imagine the revolutions that this wonderful + phaenomenon will occasion over the face of the earth. I long impatiently + to see the proceedings of the Parliament of Paris, as to the title of + succession to the crown, this being a case not provided for by the salique + law. There will be no preventing disorders amongst friars and monks; for + certainly vows of chastity do not bind but under the sex in which they + were made. The same will hold good with marriages, tho' I think it will be + a scandal amongst Protestants for husbands and wives to part, since there + remains still a possibility to perform the debitus conjugale, by the + husband being femme couverte. I submit it to the judgment of the gentlemen + of the long robe, whether this transformation does not discharge all suits + of rapes? + </p> + <p> + The Pope must undergo a new groping; but the false prophet Mahomet has + contriv'd matters well for his successors; for as the Grand Signior has + now a great many fine women, he will then have as many fine young + gentelmen, at his devotion. + </p> + <p> + These are surprizing scenes; but I beg leave to affirm, that the solemn + operations of nature are subjects of contemplation, not of ridicule. + Therefore I make it my earnest request to the merry fellows, and giggling + girls about town, that they would not put themselves in a high twitter, + when they go to visit a general lying-in of his first child; his officers + serving as midwives, nurses and rockers dispensing caudle; or if they + behold the reverend prelates dressing the heads and airing the linnen at + court, I beg they will remember that these offices must be fill'd with + people of the greatest regularity, and best characters. For the same + reason, I am sorry that a certain prelate, who notwithstanding his + confinement (in December 1723), still preserves his healthy, chearful + countenance, cannot come in time to be a nurse at court. + </p> + <p> + I likewise earnestly intreat the maids of honour, (then ensigns and + captains of the guard) that, at their first setting out, they have some + regard to their former station, and do not run wild through all the + infamous houses about town: That the present grooms of the bed-chamber + (then maids of honour) would not eat chalk and lime in their + green-sickness: And in general, that the men would remember they are + become retromingent, and not by inadvertency lift up against walls and + posts. + </p> + <p> + Petticoats will not be burdensome to the clergy; but balls and assemblies + will be indecent for some time. + </p> + <p> + As for you, coquettes, bawds, and chamber-maids, (the future ministers, + plenipotentiaries, and cabinet-counsellors to the princes of the earth,) + manage the great intrigues that will be committed to your charge, with + your usual secrecy and conduct; and the affairs of your masters will go + better than ever. + </p> + <p> + O ye exchange women! (our right worshipful representatives that are to be) + be not so griping in the sale of your ware as your predecessors, but + consider that the nation, like a spend-thrift heir, has run out: Be + likewise a little more continent in your tongues than you are at present, + else the length of debates will spoil your dinners. + </p> + <p> + You housewifely good women, who now preside over the confectionary, + (henceforth commissioners of the Treasury) be so good as to dispense the + sugar-plumbs of the Government with a more impartial and frugal hand. + </p> + <p> + Ye prudes and censorious old maids, (the hopes of the Bench) exert but + your usual talent of finding faults, and the laws will be strictly + executed; only I would not have you proceed upon such slender evidences as + you have done hitherto. + </p> + <p> + It is from you, eloquent oyster-merchants of Billingsgate, (just ready to + be called to the Bar, and quoif'd like your sister-serjants,) that we + expect the shortening the time, and lessening the expences of law-suits: + For I think you are observ'd to bring your debates to a short issue; and + even custom will restrain you from taking the oyster, and leaving only the + shell to your client. + </p> + <p> + O ye physicians, (who in the figure of old women are to clean the tripe in + the markets) scour it as effectually as you have done that of your + patients, and the town will fare most deliciously on Saturdays. + </p> + <p> + I cannot but congratulate human nature, upon this happy transformation; + the only expedient left to restore the liberties and tranquillity of + mankind. This is so evident, that it is almost an affront to common sense + to insist upon the proof: If there can be any such stupid creature as to + doubt it, I desire he will make but the following obvious reflection. + There are in Europe alone, at present, about a million of sturdy fellows, + under the denomination of standing forces, with arms in their hands: That + those are masters of the lives, liberties and fortunes of all the rest, I + believe no body will deny. It is no less true in fact, that reams of + paper, and above a square mile of skins of vellum have been employ'd to no + purpose, to settle peace among those sons of violence. Pray, who is he + that will say unto them, Go and disband yourselves? But lo! by this + transformation it is done at once, and the halcyon days of publick + tranquillity return: For neither the military temper nor discipline can + taint the soft sex for a whole age to come: Bellaque matribus invisa, War + odious to mothers, will not grow immediately palatable in their paternal + state. + </p> + <p> + Nor will the influence of this transformation be less in family + tranquillity, than it is in national. Great faults will be amended, and + frailties forgiven, on both sides. A wife who has been disturb'd with late + hours, and choak'd with the hautgout of a sot, will remember her + sufferings, and avoid the temptations; and will, for the same reason, + indulge her mate in his female capacity in some passions, which she is + sensible from experience are natural to the sex. Such as vanity of fine + cloaths, being admir'd, etc. And how tenderly must she use her mate under + the breeding qualms and labour-pains which she hath felt her self? In + short, all unreasonable demands upon husbands must cease, because they are + already satisfy'd from natural experience that they are impossible. + </p> + <p> + That the ladies may govern the affairs of the world, and the gentlemen + those of their household, better than either of them have hitherto done, + is the hearty desire of, Their most sincere well-wisher, M.S. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 1090 ***</div> +</body> +</html> |