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diff --git a/11689-0.txt b/11689-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1772a55 --- /dev/null +++ b/11689-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1787 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11689 *** + +ARE WOMEN PEOPLE? + +A BOOK OF RHYMES FOR SUFFRAGE TIMES + +By + +ALICE DUER MILLER + +AUTHOR OF "BLUE ARCH," "THE MODERN OBSTACLE." ETC. + + + + + + + +TO V.B.W. SLAVE-DRIVER AND FRIEND + + + + +Introduction + + +Father, what is a Legislature? + +A representative body elected by the people of the state. + +Are women people? + +No, my son, criminals, lunatics and women are not people. + +Do legislators legislate for nothing? + +Oh, no; they are paid a salary. + +By whom? + +By the people. + +Are women people? + +Of course, my son, just as much as men are. + +To the New York Tribune, in whose generous columns many of these +verses first appeared, the author here wishes to express her gratitude. + + + + +CONTENTS + + +TREACHEROUS TEXTS + +CAMPAIGN MATERIAL (For Both Sides) + +WOMEN'S SPHERE + +A MASQUE OF TEACHERS: THE IDEAL CANDIDATES + +THE UNCONSCIOUS SUFFRAGISTS + + + + +TREACHEROUS TEXTS + + + + +ARE WOMEN PEOPLE? + + +A Consistent Anti to Her Son + +("Look at the hazards, the risks, the physical dangers that ladies would +be exposed to at the polls."--_Anti-suffrage speech_.) + + + You're twenty-one to-day, Willie, + And a danger lurks at the door, + I've known about it always, + But I never spoke before; + When you were only a baby + It seemed so very remote, + But you're twenty-one to-day, Willie, + And old enough to vote. + + You must not go to the polls, Willie, + Never go to the polls, + They're dark and dreadful places + Where many lose their souls; + They smirch, degrade and coarsen, + Terrible things they do + To quiet, elderly women-- + What would they do to you! + + If you've a boyish fancy + For any measure or man, + Tell me, and I'll tell Father, + He'll vote for it, if he can. + He casts my vote, and Louisa's, + And Sarah, and dear Aunt Clo; + Wouldn't you let him vote for you? + Father, who loves you so? + + I've guarded you always, Willie, + Body and soul from harm; + I'll guard your faith and honor, + Your innocence and charm + From the polls and their evil spirits, + Politics, rum and pelf; + Do you think I'd send my only son + Where I would not go myself? + + + + +Our Idea of Nothing at All + + +("I am opposed to woman suffrage, but I am not opposed to +woman."--_Anti-suffrage speech of Mr. Webb of North Carolina_.) + + + O women, have you heard the news + Of charity and grace? + Look, look, how joy and gratitude + Are beaming in my face! + For Mr. Webb is not opposed + To woman in her place! + + O Mr. Webb, how kind you are + To let us live at all, + To let us light the kitchen range + And tidy up the hall; + To tolerate the female sex + In spite of Adam's fall. + + O girls, suppose that Mr. Webb + Should alter his decree! + Suppose he were opposed to us-- + Opposed to you and me. + What would be left for us to do-- + Except to cease to be? + + + + +Lines to Mr. Bowdle of Ohio + + +("The women of this smart capital are beautiful. Their beauty is +disturbing to business; their feet are beautiful, their ankles are +beautiful, but here I must pause."--_Mr. Bowdle's anti-suffrage speech +in Congress, January 12, 1915_.) + + + You, who despise the so-called fairer sex, + Be brave. There really isn't any reason + You should not, if you wish, oppose and vex + And scold us in, and even out of season; + But don't regard it as your bounden duty + To open with a tribute to our beauty. + + Say if you like that women have no sense, + No self-control, no power of concentration; + Say that hysterics is our one defence + Our virtue but an absence of temptation; + These I can bear, but, oh, I own it rankles + To hear you maundering on about our ankles. + + Tell those old stories, which have now and then + Been from the Record thoughtfully deleted, + Repeat that favorite one about the hen, + Repeat the ones that cannot be repeated; + But in the midst of such enjoyments, smother + The impulse to extol your "sainted mother." + + + + +On Not Believing All You Hear + + +("Women are angels, they are jewels, they are queens and princesses of +our hearts."--_Anti-suffrage speech of Mr. Carter of Oklahoma_.) + + + "Angel, or jewel, or princess, or queen, + Tell me immediately, where have you been?" + + "I've been to ask all my slaves so devoted + Why they against my enfranchisement voted." + + "Angel and princess, that action was wrong. + Back to the kitchen, where angels belong." + + + + +The Revolt of Mother + + +("Every true woman feels----"--_Speech of almost any Congressman_.) + + + I am old-fashioned, and I think it right + That man should know, by Nature's laws eternal, + The proper way to rule, to earn, to fight, + And exercise those functions called paternal; + But even I a little bit rebel + At finding that he knows my job as well. + + At least he's always ready to expound it, + Especially in legislative hall, + The joys, the cares, the halos that surround it, + "How women feel"--he knows that best of all. + In fact his thesis is that no one can + Know what is womanly except a man. + + I am old-fashioned, and I am content + When he explains the world of art and science + And government--to him divinely sent-- + I drink it in with ladylike compliance. + But cannot listen--no, I'm only human-- + While he instructs me how to be a woman. + + + + +The Gallant Sex + + +(A woman engineer has been dismissed by the Board of Education, under +their new rule that women shall not attend high pressure boilers, +although her work has been satisfactory and she holds a license to +attend such boilers from the Police Department.) + + + Lady, dangers lurk in boilers, + Risks I could not let you face. + Men were meant to be the toilers, + Home, you know, is woman's place. + Have no home? Well, is that so? + Still, it's not my fault, you know. + + Charming lady, work no more; + Fair you are and sweet as honey; + Work might make your fingers sore, + And, besides, I need the money. + Prithee rest,--or starve or rob-- + Only let me have your job! + + + + +Representation + + +("My wife is against suffrage, and that settles me."--_Vice-President +Marshall_.) + + +I + + My wife dislikes the income tax, + And so I cannot pay it; + She thinks that golf all interest lacks, + So now I never play it; + She is opposed to tolls repeal + (Though why I cannot say), + But woman's duty is to feel, + And man's is to obey. + +II + + I'm in a hard position for a perfect gentleman, + I want to please the ladies, but I don't see how I can, + My present wife's a suffragist, and counts on my support, + But my mother is an anti, of a rather biting sort; + One grandmother is on the fence, the other much opposed, + And my sister lives in Oregon, and thinks the question's closed; + Each one is counting on my vote to represent her view. + Now what should you think proper for a gentleman to do? + + + + +Sonnet + + +("Three bills known as the Thompson-Bewley cannery bills have been +advanced to third reading in the Senate and Assembly at Albany. One +permits the canners to work their employés seven days a week, a second +allows them to work women after 9 p.m. and a third removes every +restriction upon the hours of labor of women and minors."--_Zenas L. +Potter, former chief cannery investigator for New York State Factory +Investigating Commission_.) + + + Let us not to an unrestricted day + Impediments admit. Work is not work + To our employés, but a merry play; + They do not ask the law's excuse to shirk. + Ah, no, the canning season is at hand, + When summer scents are on the air distilled, + When golden fruits are ripening in the land, + And silvery tins are gaping to be filled. + Now to the cannery with jocund mien + Before the dawn come women, girls and boys, + Whose weekly hours (a hundred and nineteen) + Seem all too short for their industrious joys. + If this be error and be proved, alas + The Thompson-Bewley bills may fail to pass! + + + + +To President Wilson + + +("I hold it as a fundamental principle and so do you, that every people +has the right to determine its own form of government. And until +recently 50 per cent. of the people of Mexico have not had a look-in in +determining who should be their governors, or what their government +should be."--_Speech of President Wilson_.) + + + Wise and just man--for such I think you are-- + How can you see so burningly and clear + Injustices and tyrannies afar, + Yet blind your eyes to one that lies so near? + How can you plead so earnestly for men + Who fight their own fight with a bloody hand; + How hold their cause so wildly dear, and then + Forget the women of your native land? + With your stern ardor and your scholar's word + You speak to us of human liberty; + Can you believe that women are not stirred + By this same human longing to be free? + He who for liberty would strike a blow + Need not take arms, or fly to Mexico. + + + + +Home and Where It Is + + +(An Indiana judge has recently ruled: As to the right of the husband to +decide the location of the home that "home is where the husband is.") + + + Home is where the husband is, + Be it near or be it far, + Office, theatre, Pullman car, + Poolroom, polls, or corner bar-- + All good wives remember this-- + Home is where the husband is. + + Woman's place is home, I wis. + Leave your family bacon frying, + Leave your wash and dishes drying, + Leave your little children crying; + Join your husband, near or far, + At the club or corner bar, + For the court has taught us this: + "Home is where the husband is." + + + + +The Maiden's Vow + + +(A speaker at the National Education Association advised girls not to +study algebra. Many girls, he said, had lost their souls through this +study. The idea has been taken up with enthusiasm.) + + + I will avoid equations, + And shun the naughty surd, + I must beware the perfect square, + Through it young girls have erred: + And when men mention Rule of Three + Pretend I have not heard. + + Through Sturm's delightful theorems + Illicit joys assure, + Though permutations and combinations + My woman's heart allure, + I'll never study algebra, + But keep my spirit pure. + + + + +Such Nonsense + + +("Where on earth did the idea come from that the ballot is a boon, a +privilege and an honor? From men."--_Mrs. Prestonia Mann Martin_.) + + + Who is it thinks the vote some use? + Man. (Man is often such a goose!) + Indeed it makes me laugh to see + How men have struggled to be free. + + Poor Washington, who meant so well, + And Nathan Hale and William Tell, + Hampden and Bolivar and Pym, + And L'Ouverture--remember him? + + And Garibaldi and Kossuth, + And some who threw away their youth, + All bitten by the stupid notion + That liberty was worth emotion. + + They could not get it through their heads + That if they stayed tucked up in beds, + Avoiding politics and strife, + They'd lead a pleasant, peaceful life. + + Let us, dear sisters, never make + Such a ridiculous mistake; + But teach our children o'er and o'er + That liberty is just a chore. + + + + +A Suggested Campaign Song + + +("No brass bands. No speeches. Instead a still, silent, effective +influence."--_Anti-suffrage speech_.) + + + We are waging--can you doubt it? + A campaign so calm and still + No one knows a thing about it, + And we hope they never will. + No one knows + What we oppose, + And we hope they never will. + + We are ladylike and quiet, + Here a whisper--there a hint; + Never speeches, bands or riot, + Nothing suitable for print. + No one knows + What we oppose, + For we never speak for print. + + Sometimes in profound seclusion, + In some far (but homelike) spot, + We will make a dark allusion: + "We're opposed to you-know-what." + No one knows + What we oppose, + For we call it "You-Know-What." + + + + +The Woman of Charm + + +("I hate a woman who is not a mystery to herself, as well as to +me."--_The Phoenix_.) + + + If you want a receipt for that popular mystery + Known to the world as a Woman of Charm, + Take all the conspicuous ladies of history, + Mix them all up without doing them harm. + The beauty of Helen, the warmth of Cleopatra, + Salome's notorious skill in the dance, + The dusky allure of the belles of Sumatra, + The fashion and finish of ladies from France. + The youth of Susanna, beloved by an elder, + The wit of a Chambers' incomparable minx, + The conjugal views of the patient Griselda, + The fire of Sappho, the calm of the Sphinx, + The eyes of La Vallière, the voice of Cordelia, + The musical gifts of the sainted Cecelia, + Trilby and Carmen and Ruth and Ophelia, + Madame de Staël and the matron Cornelia, + Iseult, Hypatia and naughty Nell Gwynn, + Una, Titania and Elinor Glyn. + Take of these elements all that is fusible, + Melt 'em all down in a pipkin or crucible, + Set 'em to simmer and take off the scum, + And a Woman of Charm is the residuum! + (Slightly adapted from W.S. Gilbert.) + + + + +A Modern Proposal + + +(It has been said that the feminist movement is the true solution of the +mother-in-law problem.) + + + Sylvia, my dear, I would be yours with pleasure, + All that you are seems excellent to me, + Except your mother, who's much more at leisure + Than mothers ought to be. + + Find her a fad, a job, an occupation, + Eugenics, dancing, uplift, yes, or crime, + Set her to work for her Emancipation-- + That takes a lot of time. + + Or, if the suffrage doctrine fails to charm her, + There are the Antis--rather in her line-- + Guarding the Home from Maine to Alabama + Would keep her out of mine. + + + + +The Newer Lullaby + + +("Good heavens, when I think what the young boy of to-day is growing up +to I gasp. He has too many women around him all the time. He has his +mother when he is a baby."--_Bernard Fagin, Probation Officer_.) + + + Hush-a-bye, baby, + Feel no alarm, + Gunmen shall guard you, + Lest Mother should harm. + Wake in your cradle, + Hear father curse! + Isn't that better + Than Mother or Nurse? + + + + +The Protected Sex + +_With apologies to James Whitcomb Riley_. + + +("The result of taking second place to girls at school is that the boy +feels a sense of inferiority that he is never afterward able entirely to +shake off."--_Editorial in London Globe against co-education_.) + + + There, little girl, don't read, + You're fond of your books, I know, + But Brother might mope + If he had no hope + Of getting ahead of you. + It's dull for a boy who cannot lead. + There, little girl, don't read. + + + +Warning to Suffragists + + +("The Latin man believes that giving woman the vote will make her less +attractive."--_Anna H. Shaw_.) + + + They must sacrifice their beauty + Who would do their civic duty, + Who the polling booth would enter, + Who the ballot box would use; + As they drop their ballots in it + Men and women in a minute, + Lose their charm, the antis tell us, + But--the men have less to lose. + + + + +Partners + + +("Our laws have not yet reached the point of holding that property which +is the result of the husband's earnings and the wife's savings becomes +their joint property.... In this most important of all partnerships +there is no partnership property."--_Recent decision of the New York +Supreme Court_.) + + + Lady, lovely lady, come and share + All my care; + Oh how gladly I will hurry + To confide my every worry + (And they're very dark and drear) + In your ear. + + Lady, share the praise I obtain + Now and again; + Though I'm shy, it doesn't matter, + I will tell you how they flatter: + Every compliment I'll share + Fair and square. + + Lady, I my toil will divide + At your side; + I outside the home, you within; + You shall wash and cook and spin, + I'll provide the flax and food, + If you're good. + + Partners, lady, we shall be, + You and me, + Partners in the highest sense + Looking for no recompense, + For, the savings that we make, + I shall take. + + + + +What Governments Say to Women + + +(The law compels a married woman to take the nationality of her +husband.) + + +I + +_In Time of War_ + + Help us. Your country needs you; + Show that you love her, + Give her your men to fight, + Ay, even to fall; + The fair, free land of your birth, + Set nothing above her, + Not husband nor son, + She must come first of all. + +II + +_In Time of Peace_ + + What's this? You've wed an alien, + Yet you ask for legislation + To guard your nationality? + We're shocked at your demand. + A woman when she marries + Takes her husband's name and nation: + She should love her husband only. + What's a woman's native land? + + + + +"Oh, That 'Twere Possible!" + +_With apologies to Lord Tennyson._ + + +("The grant of suffrage to women is repugnant to instincts that strike +their roots deep in the order of nature. It runs counter to human +reason, it flouts the teachings of experience and the admonitions of +common sense."--_N.Y. Times, Feb. 7, 1915_.) + + + Oh, that 'twere possible + After those words inane + For me to read _The Times_ + Ever again! + + When I was wont to read it + In the early morning hours, + In a mood 'twixt wrath and mirth, + I exclaimed: "Alas, Ye Powers, + These ideas are fainter, quainter + Than anything on earth!" + + A paper's laid before me. + Not thou, not like to thee. + Dear me, if it were possible + _The Times_ should ever see + How very far the times have moved + (Spelt with a little "t"). + + + + +_The Times_ Editorials + + + Lovely Antiques, breathing in every line + The perfume of an age long passed away, + Wafting us back to 1829, + Museum pieces of a by-gone day, + You should not languish in the public press + Where modern thought might reach and do you harm, + And vulgar youth insult your hoariness, + Missing the flavor of your old world charm; + You should be locked, where rust cannot corrode + In some old rosewood cabinet, dimmed by age, + With silver-lustre, tortoise shell and Spode; + And all would cry, who read your yellowing page: + "Yes, that's the sort of thing that men believed + Before the First Reform Bill was conceived!" + + + + +CAMPAIGN MATERIAL + +(_For Both Sides_) + + + + +Our Own Twelve Anti-suffragist Reasons + + +1. Because no woman will leave her domestic duties to vote. + +2. Because no woman who may vote will attend to her domestic duties. + +3. Because it will make dissension between husband and wife. + +4. Because every woman will vote as her husband tells her to. + +5. Because bad women will corrupt politics. + +6. Because bad politics will corrupt women. + +7. Because women have no power of organization. + +8. Because women will form a solid party and outvote men. + +9. Because men and women are so different that they must stick to +different duties. + +10. Because men and women are so much alike that men, with one vote +each, can represent their own views and ours too. + +11. Because women cannot use force. + +12. Because the militants did use force. + + + + +Why We Oppose Pockets for Women + + +1. Because pockets are not a natural right. + +2. Because the great majority of women do not want pockets. If they did +they would have them. + +3. Because whenever women have had pockets they have not used them. + +4. Because women are required to carry enough things as it is, without +the additional burden of pockets. + +5. Because it would make dissension between husband and wife as to whose +pockets were to be filled. + +6. Because it would destroy man's chivalry toward woman, if he did not +have to carry all her things in his pockets. + +7. Because men are men, and women are women. We must not fly in the face +of nature. + +8. Because pockets have been used by men to carry tobacco, pipes, +whiskey flasks, chewing gum and compromising letters. We see no reason +to suppose that women would use them more wisely. + + + + +Fashion Notes: Past and Present + + +1880--Anti-suffrage arguments are being worn long, calm and flowing this +year, with the dominant note that of woman's intellectual inferiority. + +1890--Violence is very evident in this season's modes, and our more +conservative thinkers are saying that woman suffrage threatens the home, +the Church and the Republic. + +1900--A complete change of style has taken place. Everything is being +worn _a l'aristocrate_, with the repeated assertion that too many people +are voting already. + +1915--The best line of goods shown by the leading anti-suffrage houses +this spring is the statement that woman suffrage is the same thing as +free love. The effect is extremely piquant and surprising. + + + + +Why We Oppose Women Travelling in Railway Trains + + +1. Because travelling in trains is not a natural right. + +2. Because our great-grandmothers never asked to travel in trains. + +3. Because woman's place is the home, not the train. + +4. Because it is unnecessary; there is no point reached by a train that +cannot be reached on foot. + +5. Because it will double the work of conductors, engineers and brakemen +who are already overburdened. + +6. Because men smoke and play cards in trains. Is there any reason to +believe that women will behave better? + + + + +Why We Oppose Schools for Children + + +(_By the Children's Anti-School League_.) + +1. Because education is a burden, not a right. + +2. Because not one-tenth of one per cent. of the children of this +country have demanded education. + +3. Because if we are educated we should have to behave as if we were and +we don't want to. + +4. Because it is essentially against the nature of a child to be +educated. + +5. Because we can't see that it has done so much for grown-ups, and +there is no reason for thinking it will make children perfect. + +6. Because the time of children is already sufficiently occupied without +going to school. + +7. Because it would make dissension between parent and child. Imagine +the home life of a parent who turned out to be more ignorant than his +(or her) child? + +8. Because we believe in the indirect education of the theatre, the +baseball field and the moving picture. We believe that schools would in +a great measure deprive us of this. + +9. Because our parents went to school. They love us, they take care of +us, they tell us what to do. We are content that they should be educated +for us. + + + + +But Then Who Cares for Figures + + +An argument sometimes used against paying women as highly as men for the +same work is that women are only temporarily in industry. + +Forty-four per cent of the women teachers in the public schools of New +York have been more than ten years in the service, while only twenty-six +per cent of the men teachers have served as long. + + * * * * * + +The Bundesrath of Germany has decided to furnish medical and financial +assistance to women at the time of childbirth, in order "to alleviate +the anxiety of husbands at the front." + +How strange this would sound: "The Bundesrath has decided to furnish +medical assistance to the wounded at the front, in order to alleviate +the anxiety of wives and mothers at home." + +When a benefit is suggested for men, the question asked is: "Will it +benefit men?" + +When a benefit is suggested for women, the question is: "Will it benefit +men?" + + + + +Why We Oppose Votes for Men + + +1. Because man's place is the armory. + +2. Because no really manly man wants to settle any question otherwise +than by fighting about it. + +3. Because if men should adopt peaceable methods women will no longer +look up to them. + +4. Because men will lose their charm if they step out of their natural +sphere and interest themselves in other matters than feats of arms, +uniforms and drums. + +5. Because men are too emotional to vote. Their conduct at baseball +games and political conventions shows this, while their innate tendency +to appeal to force renders them peculiarly unfit for the task of +government. + + + + +The Logic of the Law + + +In 1875 the Supreme Court of Wisconsin in denying the petition of women +to practise before it said: + +"It would be shocking to man's reverence for womanhood and faith in +woman ... that woman should be permitted to mix professionally in all +the nastiness which finds its way into courts of justice." + +It then names thirteen subjects as unfit for the attention of +women--three of them are crimes committed against women. + + + + +Consistency + + +("Vile insults, lewd talk and brutal conduct were used by the indicted +men to frighten respectable women who went to the polls in Terre Haute +at the last election, asserted District Attorney Dailey."--_Press +Dispatch_.) + +Are the polls unfit for decent women? + +No, sir, they are perfectly orderly. + +Tut, tut! Go there at once and swear and be brutal, or what will become +of our anti-suffrage argument? + + + + +Sometimes We're Ivy, and Sometimes We're Oak + + +Is it true that the English government is calling on women to do work +abandoned by men? + +Yes, it is true. + +Is not woman's place the home? + +No, not when men need her services outside the home. + +Will she never be told again that her place is the home? + +Oh, yes, indeed. + +When? + +As soon as men want their jobs back again. + + + + +Do You Know + + +That in 1869 Miss Jex-Blake and four other women entered for a medical +degree at the University of Edinburgh? + +That the president of the College of Physicians refused to give the +women the prizes they had won? + +That the undergraduates insulted any professor who allowed women to +compete for prizes? + +That the women were stoned in the streets, and finally excluded from +the medical school? + +That in 1877 the British Medical Association declared women ineligible +for membership? + +That in 1881 the International Medical Congress excluded women from all +but its "social and ceremonial meetings"? + +That the Obstetrical Society refused to allow a woman's name to appear +on the title page of a pamphlet which she had written with her husband? + +That according to a recent dispatch from London, many hospitals, since +the outbreak of hostilities, have asked women to become resident +physicians, and public authorities are daily endeavoring to obtain women +as assistant medical officers and as school doctors? + + + + +Interviews With Celebrated Anti-Suffragists + + +"Woman's place is in my home."--Appius Claudius. + +"I have never felt the need of the ballot."--Cleopatra. + +"Magna Charta merely fashionable fad of ye Barons."--King John. + +"Boston Tea Party shows American colonists to be hysterical and utterly +incapable of self-government."--George III. + +"Know of no really good slaves who desire emancipation."--President of +the United Slaveholders' Protective Association. + + + + +Another of Those Curious Coincidences + + +On February 15, the House of Representatives passed a bill making it +unlawful to ship in interstate commerce the products of a mill, cannery +or factory which have been produced by the labor of children under +fourteen years. + +Forty-three gentlemen voted against it. + +Forty-one of those forty-three had also voted against the woman suffrage +bill. + +Not one single vote was cast against it by a representative from any +state where women vote for Congressmen. + + + + +The New Freedom + + +"The Michigan commission on industrial relations has discovered," says +"The Detroit Journal," "that thousands of wives support their husbands." + +Woman's place is the home, but under a special privilege she is +sometimes allowed to send her wages as a substitute. + + + + +To the Great Dining Out Majority + + +The New York State Association Opposed to Woman Suffrage is sending out +leaflets to its members urging them to "tell every man you meet, your +tailor, your postman, your grocer, as well as your _dinner partner_, +that you are opposed to woman suffrage." + +We hope that the 90,000 sewing machine operatives, the 40,000 +saleswomen, the 32,000 laundry operatives, the 20,000 knitting and silk +mill girls, the 17,000 women janitors and cleaners, the 12,000 +cigar-makers, to say nothing of the 700,000 other women and girls in +industry in New York State, will remember when they have drawn off their +long gloves and tasted their oysters to tell their dinner partners that +they are opposed to woman suffrage because they fear it might take women +out of the home. + + + + +WOMEN'S SPHERE + + + + +Many Men to Any Woman + + + If you have beauty, charm, refinement, tact, + If you can prove that should I set you free, + You would not contemplate the smallest act + That might annoy or interfere with me. + If you can show that women will abide + By the best standards of their womanhood-- + (And I must be the person to decide + What in a woman is the highest good); + If you display efficiency supreme + In philanthropic work devoid of pay; + If you can show a clearly thought-out scheme + For bringing the millennium in a day: + Why, then, dear lady, at some time remote, + I might consider giving you the vote. + + + + +A Sex Difference + + + When men in Congress come to blows at something someone said, + I always notice that it shows their blood is quick and red; + But if two women disagree, with very little noise, + It proves, and this seems strange to me, that women have no poise. + + + + +Advice to Heroines + + +I + + A heroine must shrink and cling + When heroes are about, + And thus the watching world will think: + "How brave his heart and stout!" + But if he chance to be away + When bright-faced dangers shine, + It will be best for her to play + The oak-tree, not the vine. + In fact the most important thing + Is knowing when it's time to cling. + + +II + +_With apologies to R.L.S._ + + A heroine must be polite + And do what others say is right, + And think men wise and formidable-- + At least as far as she is able. + + + + +Mutual Vows + + + "My dear," he said, "observe this frightful bill, + Run up, I think you'll own, against my will. + If you will recollect our wedding day + You vowed on that occasion to obey." + "I do recall the day," said she, "and how + Me with your worldly goods you did endow." + "That," he replied, "is palpably absurd----" + "You mean you did not mean to keep your word?" + "O, yes," he answered, "in a general way." + "And that," said she, "is how I meant obey." + + + + +If They Meant All They Said + + + Charm is a woman's strongest arm; + My charwoman is full of charm; + I chose her, not for strength of arm + But for her strange elusive charm. + + And how tears heighten woman's powers! + My typist weeps for hours and hours: + I took her for her weeping powers-- + They so delight my business hours. + + A woman lives by intuition. + Though my accountant shuns addition + She has the rarest intuition. + (And I myself can do addition.) + + Timidity in girls is nice. + My cook is so afraid of mice. + Now you'll admit it's very nice + To feel your cook's afraid of mice. + + + + +Democracy + + + Democracy is this--to hold + That all who wander down the pike + In cart or car, on foot or bike, + Or male or female, young or old, + Are much alike--are much alike. + + + + + +Feminism + + + "Mother, what is a Feminist?" + "A Feminist, my daughter, + Is any woman now who cares + To think about her own affairs + As men don't think she oughter." + + + + +The Warning + + + No, it isn't home neglecting + If you spend your time selecting + Seven blouses and a jacket and a hat; + Or to give your day to paying + Needless visits, or to playing + Auction bridge. What critic could object to that? + But to spend two precious hours + At a lecture! Oh, my powers, + The home is all a woman needs to learn. + And an hour, or a quarter, + Spent in voting! Why, my daughter, + You could not find your home on your return. + + + + +Evolution + + + Said Mr. Jones in 1910: + "Women, subject yourselves to men." + Nineteen-Eleven heard him quote: + "They rule the world without the vote." + By Nineteen-Twelve, he would submit + "When all the women wanted it." + By Nineteen-Thirteen, looking glum, + He said that it was bound to come. + This year I heard him say with pride: + "No reasons on the other side!" + By Nineteen-Fifteen, he'll insist + He's always been a suffragist. + And what is really stranger, too, + He'll think that what he says is true. + + + + +Intercepted + + + "Only the worst of them vote." + "Are not the suffragists frights?" + "Nietzsche's the person to quote." + "I prefer love to my rights." + + "Are not the suffragists frights?" + "Sex is their only appeal." + "I prefer love to my rights." + "No, we don't think, but we feel." + + "Sex is their only appeal." + "Woman belongs at the loom." + "No, we don't think, but we feel." + "Doesn't it rub off the bloom?" + + "Woman belongs at the loom." + "Isn't the speaker a bore!" + "Doesn't it rub off the bloom?" + "Oh, it's a fad--nothing more." + + "Isn't the speaker a bore!" + "Nietzsche's the person to quote." + "Oh, it's a fad--nothing more." + "Only the worst of them vote." + + + + +The Universal Answer + + + Oh, there you go again, + Invading man's domain! + It's Nature's laws, you know, you are defying. + Don't fancy that you can + Be really like a man, + So what's the use of all this fuss and trying? + It seems to me so clear, + That women's highest sphere + Is being loving wives and patient mothers. + Oh, can't you be content + To be as you were meant? + {souls + For {books belong to husbands and to brothers. + {votes + + + + +Candor + + +(_By an admirer of the late H.C. Bunner_.) + + + "I know what you're going to say," she said, + And she stood up, causing him some alarm; + "You're going to tell me I'll lose my charm, + And what is a woman when charm has fled? + And you're going to say that you greatly fear + I don't understand a woman's sphere; + Now aren't you honestly?" "Yes," he said. + + "I know what you're going to say," she said, + "You're going to ask what I hope to gain + By stepping down to the dusty plain, + By seeking a stone when I might have bread; + You're going to say: 'Can a vote replace + The tender force of a woman's grace?' + Now, aren't you honestly?" "Yes," he said. + + "I know what you're going to do," he said, + "You're going to talk to me all day long + Trying to make me see I'm wrong; + And other men who are less misled + Will pale with jealousy when they see + The time you give to converting me; + Now, aren't you honestly?" "Ye-es," she said. + + + + +What Every Woman Must Not Say + + + "I don't pretend I'm clever," he remarked, "or very wise," + And at this she murmured, "Really," with the right polite surprise. + "But women," he continued, "I must own I understand; + Women are a contradiction--honorable and underhand-- + Constant as the star Polaris, yet as changeable as Fate, + Always flying what they long for, always seeking what they hate." + "Don't you think," began the lady, but he cut her short: "I see + That you take it personally--women always do," said he. + "You will pardon me for saying every woman is the same, + Always greedy for approval, always sensitive to blame; + Sweet and passionate are women; weak in mind, though strong in soul; + Even you admit, I fancy, that they have no self-control?" + "No, I don't admit they haven't," said the patient lady then, + "Or they could not sit and listen to the nonsense talked by men." + + + + +Chivalry + + + It's treating a woman politely + As long as she isn't a fright: + It's guarding the girls who act rightly, + If you can be judge of what's right; + It's being--not just, but so pleasant; + It's tipping while wages are low; + It's making a beautiful present, + And failing to pay what you owe. + + + _From Our Own Nursery Rhymes_ + + "Chivalry, Chivalry, where have you been?" + "I've been out seeking a beautiful queen." + "Chivalry, Chivalry, what did you find?" + "Commonplace women, not much to my mind." + + + + +Women + +(_With rather insincere apologies to Mr. Rudyard Kipling_.) + + + I went to ask my government if they would set me free, + They gave a pardoned crook a vote, but hadn't one for me; + The men about me laughed and frowned and said: "Go home, because + We really can't be bothered when we're busy making laws." + + Oh, it's women this, and women that and women have no sense, + But it's pay your taxes promptly when it comes to the expense, + It comes to the expense, my dears, it comes to the expense, + It's pay your taxes promptly when it comes to the expense. + + I went into a factory to earn my daily bread: + Men said: "The home is woman's sphere." "I have no home," I said. + But when the men all marched to war, they cried to wife and maid, + "Oh, never mind about the home, but save the export trade." + + For it's women this and women that, and home's the place for you, + But it's patriotic angels when there's outside work to do, + There's outside work to do, my dears, there's outside work to do, + It's patriotic angels when there's outside work to do. + + We are not really senseless, and we are not angels, too, + But very human beings, human just as much as you. + It's hard upon occasions to be forceful and sublime + When you're treated as incompetents three-quarters of the time. + + But it's women this and women that, and woman's like a hen, + But it's do the country's work alone, when war takes off the men, + And it's women this and women that and everything you please, + But woman is observant, and be sure that woman sees. + + + + +Beware! + + + In the days that are gone when a statue was wanted + In park or museum where statues must be, + A chivalrous male would come forward undaunted + And say: "If you must have one, make it of me. + Bad though they be, yet I'll agree + If you must make them, why make them of me." + + But chivalry's dead, as I always expected + Since women would not let things stay as they were; + So now, I suppose, when a statue's erected + Men will say brutally: "Make it of her." + She may prefer things as they were + When they start making the statues of her. + + + + +Male Philosophy + + + Men are very brave, you know, + That was settled long ago; + Ask, however, if you doubt it, + Any man you meet about it; + He will say, I think, like me, + Men are brave as they can be. + + Women think they're brave, you say? + Do they really? Well, they may, + But such biased attestation + Is not worth consideration, + For a legal judgment shelves + What they say about themselves. + + + + +From a Man's Point of View + + + Women love self-sacrifice + Suffering and good advice; + If they don't love these sincerely + Then they're not true women really. + Oh, it shocks me so to note + Women pleading for the vote! + Saying publicly it would + Educate and do them good. + Such a selfish reason trips + Oddly from a woman's lips. + But it must not be supposed + I am in the least opposed. + If they want it let them try it. + For I think we'll profit by it. + + + + +Glory + + + I went to see old Susan Gray, + Whose soldier sons had marched away, + And this is what she had to say: + + "It isn't war I hate at all-- + 'Tis likely men must fight-- + But, oh, these flags and uniforms, + It's them that isn't right! + If war must come, and come it does + To take our boys from play, + It isn't right to make it seem + So beautiful and gay." + + I left old Susan with a sigh; + A famous band was marching by + To make men glad they had to die. + + + + +Dependence + + +(An Englishwoman whose income has stopped owing to her two sons having +joined the English army, was taken care of last night at the Florence +Crittenden Mission.--_Press Clipping_.) + + The young men said to their mother, + "Hear us, O dearest and best! + Time cannot cool or smother + The love of you in our breast; + Here is your place and no other-- + Come home and rest." + + And the mother's heart was grateful + For the love of her cherished ones, + And her labor, bitter and hateful, + She left at the word of her sons, + Till she heard far off the fateful + Voices of guns. + + Their love did more enslave her; + They did not understand + That none could guard or save her + When war was on the land, + But herself, and God, who gave her + Heart and mind and hand. + + + + +Playthings + + + Last year the shops were crowded + With soldier suits and guns-- + The presents that at Christmas time + We give our little sons; + And many a glittering trumpet + And many a sword and drum; + But as they're made in Germany + This year they will not come. + + Perhaps another season + We shall not give our boys + Such very warlike playthings, + Such military toys; + Perhaps another season + We shall not think it sweet + To watch their game of soldier men, + Who dream not of defeat. + + + + +Militants + + + Hippolta, Penthesilea, + Maria Teresa and Joan, + Agustina and Boadicea + And some militant girls of our own-- + It would take a brave man and a dull one + To say to these ladies: "Of course + We adore you while meek, + Timid, clinging and weak, + But a woman can never use force." + + + + +A Lady's Choice + + + Her old love in tears and silence had been building her a palace + Ringed by moats and flanked with towers, he had set it on a hill + "Here," he said, "will come no whisper of the world's alarms and + malice, + In these granite walls imprisoned, I will keep you safe from ill." + + As he spoke along the highway there came riding by a stranger, + For an instant on her features, he a fleeting glance bestowed, + Then he said: "My heart is fickle and the world is full of danger," + And he offered her his stirrup and he pointed down the road. + + + + +The Ballad of Lost Causes + + +(_About 465 years after Villon_.) + + + Tell me in what spot remote + Do the antis dwell to-day, + Those who did not want to vote, + Feared their sex's prompt decay? + Where are those who used to say: + "Home alone is woman's sphere; + Only those should vote who slay"? + Where the snows of yester-year? + + Where are those who used to quote + Nietzsche's words in dread array? + Where the ancient crones who wrote: + "Women rule through Beauty's sway"? + And those lovers, where are they, + Who could hold no woman dear + If she had the ballot? Nay! + Where the snows of yester-year? + + Prince, inquire no more, I pray, + Whither antis disappear. + Suffrage won; they melt away, + Like the snows of yester-year. + + + + +Thoughts at an Anti Meeting + + + There are no homes in suffrage states, + There are no children, glad and good, + There, men no longer seek for mates, + And women lose their womanhood. + + This I believe without debate, + And yet I ask--and ask in vain-- + Why no one in a suffrage state + Has moved to change things back again? + + + + +A MASQUE OF TEACHERS + +AND + +THE UNCONSCIOUS SUFFRAGISTS + + + + +The Ideal Candidates + + +(A by-law of the New York Board of Education says: "No married woman +shall be appointed to any teaching or supervising position in the New +York public schools unless her husband is mentally or physically +incapacitated to earn a living or has deserted her for a period of not +less than one year.") + + +CHARACTERS + + _Board of Education_. + _Three Would-Be Teachers_. + + _Chorus by Board_: + Now please don't waste + Your time and ours + By pleas all based + On mental powers. + She seems to us + The proper stuff + Who has a hus- + Band bad enough. + All other pleas appear to us + Excessively superfluous. + + _1st Teacher_: + My husband is not really bad---- + + _Board_: + How very sad, how very sad! + + _1st Teacher_: + He's good, but hear my one excuse---- + + _Board_: + Oh, what's the use, oh, what's the use? + + _1st Teacher_: + Last winter in a railroad wreck + He lost an arm and broke his neck. + He's doomed, but lingers day by day. + + _Board_: + Her husband's doomed! Hurray! hurray! + + _2nd Teacher_: + My husband's kind and healthy, too---- + + _Board_: + Why, then, of course, you will not do. + + _2nd Teacher_: + Just hear me out. You'll find you're wrong. + It's true his body's good and strong; + But, ah, his wits are all astray. + + _Board_: + Her husband's mad. Hip, hip, hurray! + + _3rd Teacher_: + My husband's wise and well--the creature! + + _Board_: + Then you can never be a teacher. + + _3rd Teacher_: + Wait. For I led him such a life + He could not stand me as a wife; + Last Michaelmas, he ran away. + + _Board_: + Her husband hates her, Hip, hurray! + + _Chorus by Board_: + Now we have found + Without a doubt, + By process sound + And well thought out, + Each candidate + Is fit in truth + To educate + The mind of youth. + No teacher need apply to us + Whose married life's harmonious. + + (_Curtain_.) + + + + +The Unconscious Suffragists + + +"They who have no voice nor vote in the electing of representatives do +not enjoy liberty, but are absolutely enslaved to those who have +votes."--Benjamin Franklin. + +"No such phrase as virtual representation was ever known in law or +constitution."--James Otis. + +"But these great cities, says my honorable friend, are virtually, though +not directly represented. Are not the wishes of Manchester, he asks, as +much consulted as those of any other town which sends members to +Parliament? Now, sir, I do not understand how a power which is salutary +when exercised virtually can be noxious when exercised directly. If the +wishes of Manchester have as much weight with us as they would have +under a system which gives representatives to Manchester, how can there +be any danger in giving representatives to Manchester?"--Lord +Macaulay's Speech on the Reform Bill. + +"Universal suffrage prolongs in the United States the effect of +universal education: for it stimulates all citizens throughout their +lives to reflect on problems outside the narrow circle of their private +interests and occupations: to read about public questions; to discuss +public characters and to hold themselves ready in some degree to give a +rational account of their political faith."--Dr. Charles Eliot. + +"But liberty is not the chief and constant object of their (the American +people) desires: equality is their idol; they make rapid and sudden +efforts to obtain liberty and if they miss their aim, resign themselves +to their disappointment; but nothing can satisfy them without equality, +and they would rather perish than lose it."--De Tocqueville: Democracy +in America, 1835. + +"A government is for the benefit of all the people. We believe that +this benefit is best accomplished by popular government because in +the long run each class of individuals is apt to secure better +provision for themselves through their own voice in government than +through the altruistic interest of others, however intelligent or +philanthropic."--William H. Taft in Special Message. + +"I have listened to some very honest and eloquent orators whose +sentiments were noteworthy for this: that when they spoke of the people, +they were not thinking of themselves, they were thinking of somebody +whom they were commissioned to take care of. And I have seen them shiver +when it was suggested that they arrange to have something done by the +people for themselves."--The New Freedom, by Woodrow Wilson. + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 11689 *** |