diff options
Diffstat (limited to '12177-h')
| -rw-r--r-- | 12177-h/12177-h.htm | 10032 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 12177-h/images/001.png | bin | 0 -> 6899 bytes |
2 files changed, 10032 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/12177-h/12177-h.htm b/12177-h/12177-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..afb4804 --- /dev/null +++ b/12177-h/12177-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,10032 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta name="generator" content= +"HTML Tidy for Windows (vers 1st February 2004), see www.w3.org"> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content= +"text/html; charset=UTF-8"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Precipice, by Elia W. +Peattie.</title> + +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + P { margin-top: .75em; + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + font-size: 14pt; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + blockquote {text-align: justify; + margin-left: 15%; + margin-right: 15%;} + IMG { + BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; + BORDER-TOP: 0px; + BORDER-LEFT: 0px; + BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px } + .ctr { TEXT-ALIGN: center } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> +</style> +</head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12177 ***</div> + +<h1>THE PRECIPICE</h1> +<h2><i>A Novel</i></h2> +<h4>BY</h4> +<h3>ELIA W. PEATTIE</h3> +<p class="ctr"><img src="images/001.png" width="15%" alt=""></p> +<h5>1914</h5> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<blockquote><i>A fanfare of trumpets is blowing to which women the +world over are listening. They listen even against their wills, and +not all of them answer, though all are disturbed. Shut their ears +to it as they will, they cannot wholly keep out the clamor of those +trumpets, but whether in thrall to love or to religion, to custom +or to old ideals of self-obliterating duty, they are stirred. They +move in their sleep, or spring to action, and they present to the +world a new problem, a new force--or a new +menace</i>....</blockquote> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2>THE PRECIPICE</h2> +<center>[<a href="#I">1</a>] [<a href="#II">2</a>] [<a href= +"#III">3</a>] [<a href="#IV">4</a>] [<a href="#V">5</a>] [<a href= +"#VI">6</a>] [<a href="#VII">7</a>] [<a href="#VIII">8</a>] +[<a href="#IX">9</a>] [<a href="#X">10</a>]<br> +[<a href="#XI">11</a>] [<a href="#XII">12</a>] [<a href= +"#XIII">13</a>] [<a href="#XIV">14</a>] [<a href="#XV">15</a>] +[<a href="#XVI">16</a>] [<a href="#XVII">17</a>] [<a href= +"#XVIII">18</a>] [<a href="#XIX">19</a>] [<a href="#XX">20</a>]<br> +[<a href="#XXI">21</a>] [<a href="#XXII">22</a>] [<a href= +"#XXIII">23</a>] [<a href="#XXIV">24</a>] [<a href="#XXV">25</a>] +[<a href="#XXVI">26</a>] [<a href="#XXVII">27</a>] [<a href= +"#XXVIII">28</a>] [<a href="#XXIX">29</a>] [<a href= +"#XXX">30</a>]<br> +[<a href="#XXXI">31</a>] [<a href="#XXXII">32</a>] [<a href= +"#XXXIII">33</a>] [<a href="#XXIV">34</a>] [<a href= +"#XXXV">35</a>]</center> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="I"></a>I</h2> +<br> +<p>It was all over. Kate Barrington had her degree and her +graduating honors; the banquets and breakfasts, the little intimate +farewell gatherings, and the stirring convocation were through +with. So now she was going home.</p> +<p>With such reluctance had the Chicago spring drawn to a close +that, even in June, the campus looked poorly equipped for summer, +and it was a pleasure, as she told her friend Lena Vroom, who had +come with her to the station to see her off, to think how much +further everything would be advanced "down-state."</p> +<p>"To-morrow morning, the first thing," she declared, "I shall go +in the side entry and take down the garden shears and cut the roses +to put in the Dresden vases on the marble mantelshelf in the front +room."</p> +<p>"Don't try to make me think you're domestic," said Miss Vroom +with unwonted raillery.</p> +<p>"Domestic, do you call it?" cried Kate. "It isn't being +domestic; it's turning in to make up to lady mother for the four +years she's been deprived of my society. You may not believe it, +but that's been a hardship for her. I say, Lena, you'll be coming +to see me one of these days?"</p> +<p>Miss Vroom shook her head.</p> +<p>"I haven't much feeling for a vacation," she said. "I don't seem +to fit in anywhere except here at the University."</p> +<p>"I've no patience with you," cried Kate. "Why you should hang +around here doing graduate work year after year passes my +understanding. I declare I believe you stay here because it's cheap +and passes the time; but really, you know, it's a makeshift."</p> +<p>"It's all very well to talk, Kate, when you have a home waiting +for you. You're the kind that always has a place. If it wasn't your +father's house it would be some other man's--Ray McCrea's, for +example. As for me, I'm lucky to have acquired even a habit--and +that's what college <i>is</i> with me--since I've no home."</p> +<p>Kate Barrington turned understanding and compassionate eyes upon +her friend. She had seen her growing a little thinner and more +tense everyday; had seen her putting on spectacles, and fighting +anaemia with tonics, and yielding unresistingly to shabbiness. +Would she always be speeding breathlessly from one classroom to +another, palpitantly yet sadly seeking for the knowledge with which +she knew so little what to do?</p> +<p>The train came thundering in--they were waiting for it at one of +the suburban stations--and there was only a second in which to say +good-bye. Lena, however, failed to say even that much. She pecked +at Kate's cheek with her nervous, thin lips, and Kate could only +guess how much anguish was concealed beneath this aridity of +manner. Some sense of it made Kate fling her arms about the girl +and hold her in a warm embrace.</p> +<p>"Oh, Lena," she cried, "I'll never forget you--never!"</p> +<p>Lena did not stop to watch the train pull out. She marched away +on her heelless shoes, her eyes downcast, and Kate, straining her +eyes after her friend, smiled to think there had been only Lena to +speed her drearily on her way. Ray McCrea had, of course, taken it +for granted that he would be informed of the hour of her departure, +but if she had allowed him to come she might have committed herself +in some absurd way--said something she could not have lived up +to.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>As it was, she felt quite peaceful and more at leisure than she +had for months. She was even at liberty to indulge in memories and +it suited her mood deliberately to do so. She went back to the day +when she had persuaded her father and mother to let her leave the +Silvertree Academy for Young Ladies and go up to the University of +Chicago. She had been but eighteen then, but if she lived to be a +hundred she never could forget the hour she streamed with five +thousand others through Hull Gate and on to Cobb Hall to register +as a student in that young, aggressive seat of learning.</p> +<p>She had tried to hold herself in; not to be too "heady"; and she +hoped the lank girl beside her--it had been Lena Vroom, delegated +by the League of the Young Women's Christian Association--did not +find her rawly enthusiastic. Lena conducted her from chapel to +hall, from office to woman's building, from registrar to dean, till +at length Kate stood before the door of Cobb once more, fagged but +not fretted, and able to look about her with appraising eyes.</p> +<p>Around her and beneath her were swarms, literally, of +fresh-faced, purposeful youths and maidens, an astonishingly large +number of whom were meeting after the manner of friends long +separated. Later Kate discovered how great a proportion of that +enthusiasm took itself out in mere gesture and vociferation; but it +all seemed completely genuine to her that first day and she thought +with almost ecstatic anticipation of the relationships which soon +would be hers. Almost she looked then to see the +friend-who-was-to-be coming toward her with miraculous recognition +in her eyes.</p> +<p>But she was none the less interested in those who for one reason +or another were alien to her--in the Japanese boy, concealing his +wistfulness beneath his rigid breeding; in the Armenian girl with +the sad, beautiful eyes; in the Yiddish youth with his bashful +earnestness. Then there were the women past their first youth, +abstracted, and obviously disdainful of their personal appearance; +and the girls with heels too high and coiffures too elaborate, who +laid themselves open to the suspicion of having come to college for +social reasons. But all appealed to Kate. She delighted in their +variety--yes, and in all these forms of aspiration. The vital +essence of their spirits seemed to materialize into visible ether, +rose-red or violet-hued, and to rise about them in evanishing +clouds.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>She was recalled to the present by a brisk conductor who asked +for her ticket. Kate hunted it up in a little flurry. The man had +broken into the choicest of her memories, and when he was gone and +she returned to her retrospective occupation, she chanced upon the +most irritating of her recollections. It concerned an episode of +that same first day in Chicago. She had grown weary with the +standing and waiting, and when Miss Vroom left her for a moment to +speak to a friend, Kate had taken a seat upon a great, unoccupied +stone bench which stood near Cobb door. Still under the influence +of her high idealization of the scene she lost herself in happy +reverie. Then a widening ripple of laughter told her that something +amusing was happening. What it was she failed to imagine, but it +dawned upon her gradually that people were looking her way. Knots +of the older students were watching her; bewildered newcomers were +trying, like herself, to discover the cause of mirth. At first she +smiled sympathetically; then suddenly, with a thrill of +mortification, she perceived that she was the object of +derision.</p> +<p>What was it? What had she done?</p> +<p>She knew that she was growing pale and she could feel her heart +pounding at her side, but she managed to rise, and, turning, faced +a blond young man near at hand, who had protruding teeth and +grinned at her like a sardonic rabbit.</p> +<p>"Oh, what is it, please?" she asked.</p> +<p>"That bench isn't for freshmen," he said briefly.</p> +<p>Scarlet submerged the pallor in Kate's face.</p> +<p>"Oh, I didn't know," she gasped. "Excuse me."</p> +<p>She moved away quickly, dropping her handbag and having to stoop +for it. Then she saw that she had left her gloves on the bench and +she had to turn back for those. At that moment Lena hastened to +her.</p> +<p>"I'm so sorry," she cried. "I ought to have warned you about +that old senior bench."</p> +<p>Kate, disdaining a reply, strode on unheeding. Her whole body +was running fire, and she was furious with herself to think that +she could suffer such an agony of embarrassment over a blunder +which, after all, was trifling. Struggling valiantly for +self-command, she plunged toward another bench and dropped on it +with the determination to look her world in the face and give it a +fair chance to stare back.</p> +<p>Then she heard Lena give a throaty little squeak.</p> +<p>"Oh, my!" she said.</p> +<p>Something apparently was very wrong this time, and Kate was not +to remain in ignorance of what it was. The bench on which she was +now sitting had its custodian in the person of a tall youth, who +lifted his hat and smiled upon her with commingled amusement and +commiseration.</p> +<p>"Pardon," he said, "but--"</p> +<p>Kate already was on her feet and the little gusts of laughter +that came from the onlookers hit her like so many stones.</p> +<p>"Isn't this seat for freshmen either?" she broke in, trying not +to let her lips quiver and determined to show them all that she +was, at any rate, no coward.</p> +<p>The student, still holding his hat, smiled languidly as he shook +his head.</p> +<p>"I'm new, you see," she urged, begging him with her smile to be +on her side,--"dreadfully new! Must I wait three years before I sit +here?"</p> +<p>"I'm afraid you'll not want to do it even then," he said +pleasantly. "You understand this bench--the C bench we call it--is +for men; any man above a freshman."</p> +<p>Kate gathered the hardihood to ask:--</p> +<p>"But why is it for men, please?"</p> +<p>"I don't know why. We men took it, I suppose." He wasn't +inclined to apologize apparently; he seemed to think that if the +men wanted it they had a right to it.</p> +<p>"This bench was given to the men, perhaps?" she persisted, not +knowing how to move away.</p> +<p>"No," admitted the young man; "I don't believe it was. It was +presented to the University by a senior class."</p> +<p>"A class of men?"</p> +<p>"Naturally not. A graduating class is composed of men and women. +C bench," he explained, "is the center of activities. It's where +the drum is beaten to call a mass meeting, and the boys gather here +when they've anything to talk over. There's no law against women +sitting here, you know. Only they never do. It isn't--oh, I hardly +know how to put it--it isn't just the thing--"</p> +<p>"Can't you break away, McCrea?" some one called.</p> +<p>The youth threw a withering glance in the direction of the +speaker.</p> +<p>"I can conduct my own affairs," he said coldly.</p> +<p>But Kate had at last found a way to bring the interview to an +end.</p> +<p>"I said I was new," she concluded, flinging a barbed shaft. "I +thought it was share and share alike here--that no difference was +made between men and women. You see--I didn't understand."</p> +<p>The C bench came to be a sort of symbol to her from then on. It +was the seat of privilege if not of honor, and the women were not +to sit on it.</p> +<p>Not that she fretted about it. There was no time for that. She +settled in Foster Hall, which was devoted to the women, and where +she expected to make many friends. But she had been rather +unfortunate in that. The women were not as coöperative as she +had expected them to be. At table, for example, the conversation +dragged heavily. She had expected to find it liberal, spirited, +even gay, but the girls had a way of holding back. Kate had to +confess that she didn't think men would be like that. They +would--most of them--have understood that the chief reason a man +went to a university was to learn to get along with his fellow men +and to hold his own in the world. The girls labored under the idea +that one went to a university for the exclusive purpose of making +high marks in their studies. They put in stolid hours of study and +were quietly glad at their high averages; but it actually seemed as +if many of them used college as a sort of shelter rather than an +opportunity for the exercise of personality.</p> +<p>However, there were plenty of the other sort--gallant, excursive +spirits, and as soon as Kate became acquainted she had pleasure in +picking and choosing. She nibbled at this person and that like a +cautious and discriminating mouse, venturing on a full taste if she +liked the flavor, scampering if she didn't.</p> +<p>Of course she had her furores. Now it was for settlement work, +now for dramatics, now for dancing. Subconsciously she was always +looking about for some one who "needed" her, but there were few +such. Patronage would have been resented hotly, and Kate learned by +a series of discountenancing experiences that friendship would not +come--any more than love--at beck and call.</p> +<p>Love!</p> +<p>That gave her pause. Love had not come her way. Of course there +was Ray McCrea. But he was only a possibility. She wondered if she +would turn to him in trouble. Of that she was not yet certain. It +was pleasant to be with him, but even for a gala occasion she was +not sure but that she was happier with Honora Daley than with him. +Honora Daley was Honora Fulham now--married to a "dark man" as the +gypsy fortune-tellers would have called him. He seemed very dark to +Kate, menacing even; but Honora found it worth her while to shed +her brightness on his tenebrosity, so that was, of course, Honora's +affair.</p> +<p>Kate smiled to think of how her mother would be questioning her +about her "admirers," as she would phrase it in her mid-Victorian +parlance. There was really only Ray to report upon. He would be the +beau ideal "young gentleman,"--to recur again to her mother's +phraseology,--the son of a member of a great State Street dry-goods +firm, an excellently mannered, ingratiating, traveled person with +the most desirable social connections. Kate would be able to tell +of the two mansions, one on the Lake Shore Drive, the other at Lake +Forest, where Ray lived with his parents. He had not gone to an +Eastern college because his father wished him to understand the +city and the people among whom his life was to be spent. Indeed, +his father, Richard McCrea, had made something of a concession to +custom in giving his son four years of academic life. Ray was now +to be trained in every department of that vast departmental +concern, the Store, and was soon to go abroad as the promising +cadet of a famous commercial establishment, to make the +acquaintance of the foreign importers and agents of the house. Oh, +her mother would quite like all that, though she would be +disappointed to learn that there had thus far been no rejected +suitors. In her mother's day every fair damsel carried scalps at +her belt, figuratively speaking--and after marriage, became herself +a trophy of victory. Dear "mummy" was that, Kate thought +tenderly--a willing and reverential parasite, "ladylike" at all +costs, contented to have her husband provide for her, her pastor +think for her, and Martha Underwood, the domineering "help" in the +house at Silvertree, do the rest. Kate knew "mummy's" mind very +well--knew how she looked on herself as sacred because she had been +the mother to one child and a good wife to one husband. She was all +swathed around in the chiffon-sentiment of good Victoria's day. She +didn't worry about being a "consumer" merely. None of the +disturbing problems that were shaking femininity disturbed her +calm. She was "a lady," the "wife of a professional man." It was +proper that she should "be well cared for." She moved by her +well-chosen phrases; they were like rules set in a copybook for her +guidance.</p> +<p>Kate seemed to see a moving-picture show of her mother's days. +Now she was pouring the coffee from the urn, seasoning it +scrupulously to suit her lord and master, now arranging the +flowers, now feeding the goldfish; now polishing the glass with +tissue paper. Then she answered the telephone for her husband, the +doctor,--answered the door, too, sometimes. She received calls and +paid them, read the ladies' magazines, and knew all about what was +"fitting for a lady." Of course, she had her prejudices. She +couldn't endure Oriental rugs, and didn't believe that smuggling +was wrong; at least, not when done by the people one knew and when +the things smuggled were pretty.</p> +<p>Kate, who had the spirit of the liberal comedian, smiled many +times remembering these things. Then she sighed, for she realized +that her ability to see these whimsicalities meant that she and her +mother were, after all, creatures of diverse training and +thought.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="II"></a>II</h2> +<br> +<p>What! Silver tree? She hadn't realized how the time had been +flying. But there was the sawmill. She could hear the whir and +buzz! And there was the old livery-stable, and the place where farm +implements were sold, and the little harness shop jammed in +between;--and there, to convince her no mistake had been made, was +the lozenge of grass with "Silvertree" on it in white stones. Then, +in a second, the station appeared with the busses backed up against +it, and beyond them the familiar surrey with a woman in it with +yearning eyes.</p> +<p>Kate, the specialized student of psychology, the graduate with +honors, who had learned to note contrasts and weigh values, forgot +everything (even her umbrella) and leaped from the train while it +was still in motion. Forgotten the honors and degrees; the majors +were mere minor affairs; and there remained only the things which +were from the beginning.</p> +<p>She and her mother sat very close together as they drove through +the familiar village streets. When they did speak, it was +incoherently. There was an odor of brier roses in the air and the +sun was setting in a "bed of daffodil sky." Kate felt waves of +beauty and tenderness breaking over her and wanted to cry. Her +mother wanted to and did. Neither trusted herself to speak, but +when they were in the house Mrs. Barrington pulled the pins out of +Kate's hat and then Kate took the faded, gentle woman in her strong +arms and crushed her to her.</p> +<p>"Your father was afraid he wouldn't be home in time to meet +you," said Mrs. Barrington when they were in the parlor, where the +Dresden vases stood on the marble mantel and the rose-jar decorated +the three-sided table in the corner. "It was just his luck to be +called into the country. If it had been a really sick person who +wanted him, I wouldn't have minded, but it was only Venie +Sampson."</p> +<p>"Still having fits?" asked Kate cheerfully, as one glad to +recognize even the chronic ailments of a familiar community.</p> +<p>"Well, she thinks she has them," said Mrs. Barrington in an +easy, gossiping tone; "but my opinion is that she wouldn't be +troubled with them if only there were some other way in which she +could call attention to herself. You see, Venie was a very pretty +girl."</p> +<p>"Has that made her an invalid, mummy?"</p> +<p>"Well, it's had something to do with it. When she was young she +received no end of attention, but some way she went through the +woods and didn't even pick up a crooked stick. But she got so used +to being the center of interest that when she found herself growing +old and plain, she couldn't think of any way to keep attention +fixed on her except by having these collapses. You know you mustn't +call the attacks 'fits.' Venie's far too refined for that."</p> +<p>Kate smiled broadly at her mother's distinctive brand of humor. +She loved it all--Miss Sampson's fits, her mother's jokes; even the +fact that when they went out to supper she sat where she used in +the old days when she had worn a bib beneath her chin.</p> +<p>"Oh, the plates, the cups, the everything!" cried Kate, +ridiculously lifting a piece of the "best china" to her lips and +kissing it.</p> +<p>"Absurdity!" reproved her mother, but she adored the girl's +extravagances just the same.</p> +<p>"Everything's glorious," Kate insisted. "Cream cheese and +parsley! Did you make it, mummy? Currant rolls--oh, the wonders! +Martha Underwood, don't dare to die without showing me how to make +those currant rolls. Veal loaf--now, what do you think of that? +Why, at Foster we went hungry sometimes--not for lack of quantity, +of course, but because of the quality. I used to be dreadfully +ashamed of the fact that there we were, dozens of us women in that +fine hall, and not one of us with enough domestic initiative to +secure a really good table. I tried to head an insurrection and to +have now one girl and now another supervise the table, but the +girls said they hadn't come to college to keep house."</p> +<p>"Yes, yes," chimed in her mother excitedly; "that's where the +whole trouble with college for women comes in. They not only don't +go to college to keep house, but most of them mean not to keep it +when they come out. We allowed you to go merely because you +overbore us. You used to be a terrible little tyrant, +Katie,--almost as bad as--"</p> +<p>She brought herself up suddenly.</p> +<p>"As bad as whom, mummy?"</p> +<p>There was a step on the front porch and Mrs. Barrington was +spared the need for answering.</p> +<p>"There's your father," she said, signaling Kate to meet him.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Dr. Barrington was tall, spare, and grizzled. The torpor of the +little town had taken the light from his eyes and reduced the tempo +of his movements, but, in spite of all, he had preserved certain +vivid features of his personality. He had the long, educated hands +of the surgeon and the tyrannical aspect of the physician who has +struggled all his life with disobedience and perversity. He +returned Kate's ardent little storm of kisses with some +embarrassment, but he was unfeignedly pleased at her appearance, +and as the three of them sat about the table in their old +juxtaposition, his face relaxed. However, Kate had seen her mother +look up wistfully as her husband passed her, as if she longed for +some affectionate recognition of the occasion, but the man missed +his opportunity and let it sink into the limbo of unimproved +moments.</p> +<p>"Well, father, we have our girl home again," Mrs. Barrington +said with pardonable sentiment.</p> +<p>"Well, we've been expecting her, haven't we?" Dr. Barrington +replied, not ill-naturedly but with a marked determination to make +the episode matter-of-fact.</p> +<p>"Indeed we have," smiled Mrs. Barrington. "But of course it +couldn't mean to you, Frederick, what it does to me. A +mother's--"</p> +<p>Dr. Barrington raised his hand.</p> +<p>"Never mind about a mother's love," he said decisively. "If you +had seen it fail as often as I have, you'd think the less said on +the subject the better. Women are mammal, I admit; maternal they +are not, save in a proportion of cases. Did you have a pleasant +journey down, Kate?"</p> +<p>He had the effect of shutting his wife out of the conversation; +of definitely snubbing and discountenancing her. Kate knew it had +always been like that, though when she had been young and more +passionately determined to believe her home the best and dearest in +the world, as children will, she had overlooked the fact--had +pretended that what was a habit was only a mood, and that if +"father was cross" to-day, he would be pleasant to-morrow. Now he +began questioning Kate about college, her instructors and her +friends. There was conversation enough, but the man's wife sat +silent, and she knew that Kate knew that he expected her to do +so.</p> +<p>Custard was brought on and Mrs. Barrington diffidently served +it. Her husband gave one glance at it.</p> +<p>"Curdled!" he said succinctly, pushing his plate from him. "It's +a pity it couldn't have been right Kate's first night home."</p> +<p>Kate thought there had been so much that was not right her first +night home, that a spoiled confection was hardly worth comment.</p> +<p>"I'm dreadfully sorry," Mrs. Barrington said. "I suppose I +should have made it myself, but I went down to the train--"</p> +<p>"That didn't take all the afternoon, did it?" the doctor +asked.</p> +<p>"I was doing things around the house--"</p> +<p>"Putting flowers in my room, I know, mummy," broke in Kate, "and +polishing up the silver toilet bottles, the beauties. You're one of +those women who pet a home, and it shows, I can tell you. You don't +see many homes like this, do you, dad,--so ladylike and +brier-rosy?"</p> +<p>She leaned smilingly across the table as she addressed her +father, offering him not the ingratiating and seductive smile which +he was accustomed to see women--his wife among the rest--employ +when they wished to placate him. Kate's was the bright smile of a +comradely fellow creature who asked him to play a straight game. It +made him take fresh stock of his girl. He noted her high oval brow +around which the dark hair clustered engagingly; her flexible, +rather large mouth, with lips well but not seductively arched, and +her clear skin with its uniform tinting. Such beauty as she had, +and it was far from negligible, would endure. She was quite five +feet ten inches, he estimated, with a good chest development and +capable shoulders. Her gestures were free and suggestive of +strength, and her long body had the grace of flexibility and +perfect unconsciousness. All of this was good; but what of the +spirit that looked out of her eyes? It was a glance to which the +man was not accustomed--feminine yet unafraid, beautiful but not +related to sex. The physician was not able to analyze it, though +where women were concerned he was a merciless analyst. Gratified, +yet unaccountably disturbed, he turned to his wife.</p> +<p>"Martha has forgotten to light up the parlor," he said testily. +"Can't you impress on her that she's to have the room ready for us +when we've finished inhere?"</p> +<p>"She's so excited over Kate's coming home," said Mrs. Barrington +with a placatory smile. "Perhaps you'll light up to-night, +Frederick."</p> +<p>"No, I won't. I began work at five this morning and I've been +going all day. It's up to you and Martha to run the house."</p> +<p>"The truth is," said Mrs. Barrington, "neither Martha nor I can +reach the gasolier."</p> +<p>Dr. Barrington had the effect of pouncing on this statement.</p> +<p>"That's what's the matter, then," he said. "You forgot to get +the tapers. I heard Martha telling you last night that they were +out."</p> +<p>A flush spread over Mrs. Barrington's delicate face as she cast +about her for the usual subterfuge and failed to find it. In that +moment Kate realized that it had been a long programme of +subterfuges with her mother--subterfuges designed to protect her +from the onslaughts of the irritable man who dominated her.</p> +<p>"I'll light the gas, mummy," she said gently. "Let that be one +of my fixed duties from now on."</p> +<p>"You'll spoil your mother, Kate," said the doctor with a +whimsical intonation.</p> +<p>His jesting about what had so marred the hour of reunion brought +a surge of anger to Kate's brain.</p> +<p>"That's precisely what I came home to do, sir," she said +significantly. "What other reason could I have for coming back to +Silvertree? The town certainly isn't enticing. You've been +doctoring here for forty years, but you havn't been able to cure +the local sleeping-sickness yet."</p> +<p>It stung and she had meant it to. To insult Silvertree was to +hurt the doctor in his most tender vanity. It was one of his most +fervid beliefs that he had selected a growing town, conspicuous for +its enterprise. In his young manhood he had meant to do fine +things. He was public-spirited, charitable, a death-fighter of +courage and persistence. Though not a religious man, he had one +holy passion, that of the physician. He respected himself and loved +his wife, but he had from boyhood confused the ideas of masculinity +and tyranny. He believed that women needed discipline, and he had +little by little destroyed the integrity of the woman he would have +most wished to venerate. That she could, in spite of her manifest +cowardice and moral circumventions, still pray nightly and read the +book that had been the light to countless faltering feet, furnished +him with food for acrid sarcasm. He saw in this only the essential +furtiveness, inconsistency, and superstition of the female.</p> +<p>The evening dragged. The neighbors who would have liked to visit +them refrained from doing so because they thought the reunited +family would prefer to be alone that first evening. Kate did her +best to preserve some tattered fragments of the amenities. She told +college stories, talked of Lena Vroom and of beautiful Honora +Fulham,--hinted even at Ray McCrea,--and by dint of much ingenuity +wore the evening away.</p> +<p>"In the morning," she said to her father as she bade him +good-night, "we'll both be rested." She had meant it for an +apology, not for herself any more than for him, but he assumed no +share in it.</p> +<p>Up in her room her mother saw her bedded, and in kissing her +whispered,--</p> +<p>"Don't oppose your father, Kate. You'll only make me unhappy. +Anything for peace, that's what I say."</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="III"></a>III</h2> +<br> +<p>It was sweet to awaken in the old room. Through the open window +she could see the fork in the linden tree and the squirrels making +free in the branches. The birds were at their opera, and now and +then the shape of one outlined itself against the holland shade. +Kate had been commanded to take her breakfast in bed and she was +more than willing to do so. The after-college lassitude was upon +her and her thoughts moved drowsily through her weary brain.</p> +<p>Her mother, by an unwonted exercise of self-control, kept from +the room that morning, stopping only now and then at the door for a +question or a look. That was sweet, too. Kate loved to have her +hovering about like that, and yet the sight of her, so fragile, so +fluttering, added to the sense of sadness that was creeping over +her. After a time it began to rain softly, the drops slipping down +into the shrubbery and falling like silver beads from the +window-hood. At that Kate began to weep, too, just as quietly, and +then she slept again. Her mother coming in on tiptoe saw tears on +the girl's cheek, but she did not marvel. Though her experience had +been narrow she was blessed with certain perceptions. She knew that +even women who called themselves happy sometimes had need to +weep.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>The little pensive pause was soon over. There was no use, as all +the sturdier part of Kate knew, in holding back from the future. +That very afternoon the new life began forcing itself on her. The +neighbors called, eager to meet this adventurous one who had turned +her back on the pleasant conventions and had refused to content +herself with the Silvertree Seminary for Young Ladies. They wanted +to see what the new brand of young woman was like. Moreover, there +was no one who was not under obligations to be kind to her mother's +daughter. So, presently the whole social life of Silvertree, +aroused from its midsummer torpor by this exciting event, was in +full swing.</p> +<p>Kate wrote to Honora a fortnight later:--</p> +<blockquote>I am trying to be the perfect young lady according to +dear mummy's definition. You should see me running baby ribbon in +my <i>lingerie</i> and combing out the fringe on tea-napkins. Every +afternoon we are 'entertained' or give an entertainment. Of course +we meet the same people over and over, but truly I like the +cordiality. Even the inquisitiveness has an affectionate quality to +it. I'm determined to enjoy my village and I do appreciate the +homely niceties of the life here. Of course I have to 'pretend' +rather hard at times--pretend, for example, that I care about +certain things which are really of no moment to me whatever. To +illustrate, mother and I have some recipes which nobody else has +and it's our rôle to be secretive about them! And we have +invented a new sort of 'ribbon sandwich.' Did you ever hear of a +ribbon sandwich? If not, you must be told that it consists of +layers and layers of thin slices of bread all pressed down +together, with ground nuts or dressed lettuce in between. Each +entertainer astonishes her guests with a new variety. That +furnishes conversation for several minutes.<br> +<br> +"How long can I stand it, Honora, my dear old defender of freedom? +The classrooms are mine no more; the campus is a departed glory; I +shall no longer sing the 'Alma Mater' with you when the chimes ring +at ten. The whole challenge of the city is missing. Nothing opposes +me, there is no task for me to do. I must be supine, acquiescent, +smiling, non-essential. I am like a runner who has trained for a +race, and, ready for the speeding, finds that no race is on. But +I've no business to be surprised. I knew it would be like this, +didn't I? the one thing is to make and keep mummy happy. She needs +me <i>so</i> much. And I am happy to be with her. Write me +often--write me everything. Gods, how I'd like a walk and talk with +you!"</blockquote> +<p>Mrs. Barrington did not attempt to conceal her interest in the +letters which Ray McCrea wrote her daughter. She was one of those +women who thrill at a masculine superscription on a letter. Perhaps +she got more satisfaction out of these not too frequent missives +than Kate did herself. While the writer didn't precisely say that +he counted on Kate to supply the woof of the fabric of life, that +expectation made itself evident between the lines to Mrs. +Barrington's sentimental perspicacity.</p> +<p>Kate answered his letters, for it was pleasant to have a +masculine correspondent. It provided a needed stimulation. +Moreover, in the back of her mind she knew that he presented an +avenue of escape if Silvertree and home became unendurable. It +seemed piteous enough that her life with her parents should so soon +have become a mere matter of duty and endurance, but there was a +feeling of perpetually treading on eggs in the Barrington house. +Kate could have screamed with exasperation as one eventless day +after another dawned and the blight of caution and apprehension was +never lifted from her mother and Martha. She writhed with shame at +the sight of her mother's cajolery of the tyrant she served--and +loved. To have spoken out once, recklessly, to have entered a wordy +combat without rancor and for the mere zest of tournament, to have +let the winnowing winds of satire blow through the house with its +stale sentimentalities and mental attitudes, would have reconciled +her to any amount of difference in the point of view. But the +hushed voice and covertly held position afflicted her like +shame.</p> +<p>Were all women who became good wives asked to falsify +themselves? Was furtive diplomacy, or, at least, spiritual +compromise, the miserable duty of woman? Was it her business to +placate her mate, and, by exercising the cunning of the weak, to +keep out from under his heel?</p> +<p>There was no one in all Silvertree whom the discriminating would +so quickly have mentioned as the ideal wife as Mrs. Barrington. She +herself, no doubt, so Kate concluded with her merciless young +psychology, regarded herself as noble. But the people in Silvertree +had a passion for thinking of themselves as noble. They had, Kate +said to herself bitterly, so few charms that they had to fall back +on their virtues. In the face of all this it became increasingly +difficult to think of marriage as a goal for herself, and her +letters to McCrea were further and further apart as the slow weeks +passed. She had once read the expression, "the authentic voice of +happiness," and it had lived hauntingly in her memory. Could Ray +speak that? Would she, reading his summons from across half the +world, hasten to him, choose him from the millions, face any future +with him? She knew she would not. No, no; union with the man of +average congeniality was not her goal. There must be something more +shining than that for her to speed toward it.</p> +<p>However, one day she caught, opportunely, a hint of the further +meanings of a woman's life. Honora provided a great piece of news, +and illuminated with a new understanding, Kate wrote:--</p> +<blockquote>"MY DEAR, DEAR GIRL:--<br> +<br> +"You write me that something beautiful is going to happen to you. I +can guess what it is and I agree that it is glorious, though it +does take my breath¸ away. Now there are two of you--and by +and by there will be three, and the third will be part you and part +David and all a miracle. I can see how it makes life worth living, +Honora, as nothing else could--nothing else!<br> +<br> +"Mummy wouldn't like me to write like this. She doesn't approve of +women whose understanding jumps ahead of their experiences. But +what is the use of pretending that I don't encompass your miracle? +I knew all about it from the beginning of the earth.<br> +<br> +"This will mean that you will have to give up your laboratory work +with David, I suppose. Will that be a hardship? Or are you glad of +the old womanly excuse for passing by the outside things, and will +you now settle down to be as fine a mother as you were a chemist? +Will you go further, my dear, and make a fuss about your house and +go all delicately bedizened after the manner of the professors' +nice little wives--go in, I mean, for all the departments of the +feminine profession?<br> +<br> +"I do hope you'll have a little son, Honora, not so much on your +account as on his. During childhood a girl's feet are as light as a +boy's bounding over the earth; but when once childhood is over, a +man's life seems so much more coherent than a woman's, though it is +not really so important. But it takes precisely the experience you +are going through to give it its great significance, doesn't +it?<br> +<br> +"What other career is there for real women, I wonder? What, for +example, am I to do, Honora?¸ There at the University I +prepared myself for fine work, but I'm trapped here in this silly +Silvertree cage. If I had a talent I could make out very well, but +I am talentless, and all I do now is to answer the telephone for +father and help mummy embroider the towels. They won't let me do +anything else. Some one asked me the other day what colors I +intended wearing this autumn. I wanted to tell them +smoke-of-disappointment, ashes-of-dreams, and dull-as-wash-Monday. +But I only said ashes-of-roses.<br> +<br> +"'Not all of your frocks, surely, Kate,' one of the girls cried. +'All,' I declared; 'street frocks, evening gowns, all.' 'But you +mustn't be odd,' my little friend warned. 'Especially as people are +a little suspicious that you will be because of your going to a +co-educational college.'<br> +<br> +"I thought it would be so restful here, but it doesn't offer peace +so much as shrinkage. Silvertree isn't pastoral--it's merely small +town. Of course it is possible to imagine a small town that would +be ideal--a community of quiet souls leading the simple life. But +we aren't great or quiet souls here, and are just as far from +simple as our purses and experience will let us be.<br> +<br> +"I dare say that you'll be advising me, as a student of psychology, +to stop criticizing and to try to do something for the neighbors +here--go in search of their submerged selves. But, honestly, it +would require too much paraphernalia in the way of diving-bells and +air-pumps.<br> +<br> +"I have, however, a reasonable cause of worry. Dear little mummy +isn't well. At first we thought her indisposition of little +account, but she seems run down. She has been flurried and nervous +ever since I came home; indeed, I may say she has been so for +years. Now she seems suddenly to have broken down. But I'm going to +do everything I can for her, and I know father will, too; for he +can't endure to have any one sick. It arouses his great virtue, his +physicianship."</blockquote> +<p>A week later Kate mailed this:--</p> +<blockquote>"I am turning to you in my terrible fear. Mummy won't +answer our questions and seems lost in a world of thought. Father +has called in other physicians to help him. I can't tell you how +like a frightened child I feel. Oh, my poor little bewildered +mummy! What do you suppose she is thinking about?"</blockquote> +<p>Then, a week afterward, this--on black-bordered paper:--</p> +<blockquote>"SISTER HONORA:--<br> +<br> +"She's been gone three days. To the last we couldn't tell why she +fell ill. We only knew she made no effort to get well. I am +tormented by the fear that I had something to do with her breaking +like that. She was appalled--shattered--at the idea of any friction +between father and me. When I stood up for my own ideas against +his, it was to her as sacrilegious as if I had lifted my hand +against a king. I might have capitulated--ought, I suppose, to have +foregone everything!<br> +<br> +"There is one thing, however, that gives me strange comfort. At the +last she had such dignity! Her silence seemed fine and brave. She +looked at us from a deep still peace as if, after all her losing of +the way, she had at last found it and Herself. The search has +carried her beyond our sight.<br> +<br> +"Oh, we are so lonely, father and I. We silently accuse each other. +He thinks my reckless truth-telling destroyed her timid spirit; I +think his twenty-five years of tyranny did it. We both know how she +hated our rasping, and we hate it ourselves. Yet, even at that hour +when we stood beside her bed and knew the end was coming, he and I +were at sword's points. What a hackneyed expression, but how +terrible! Yes, the hateful swords of our spirits, my point toward +his breast and his toward mine, gleamed there almost visibly above +that little tired creature. He wanted her for himself even to the +last: I wanted her for Truth--wanted her to walk up to God dressed +in her own soul-garments, not decked out in the rags and tags of +those father had tossed to her.<br> +<br> +"She spoke only once. She had been dreaming, I suppose, and a +wonderful illuminated smile broke over her face. In the midst of +what seemed a sort of ecstasy, she looked up and saw father +watching her. She shivered away from him with one of those +apologetic gestures she so often used. 'It wasn't a heavenly +vision,' she said--she knew he wouldn't have believed in that--'it +was only that I thought my little brown baby was in my arms.' She +meant me, Honora,--think of it. She had gone back to those tender +days when I had been dependent on her for all my well-being. My +mummy! I gathered her close and held her till she was gone, my +little, strange, frightened love.<br> +<br> +"Now father and I hide our thoughts from each other. He wanted to +know if I was going to keep house for him. I said I'd try, for six +months. He flew in one of his rages because I admitted that it +would be an experiment. He wanted to know what kind of a daughter I +was, and I told him the kind he had made me. Isn't that +hideous?<br> +<br> +"I've no right to trouble you, but I must confide in some one or my +heart will break. There's no one here I can talk to, though many +are kind. And Ray--perhaps you think I should have written all this +to him. But I wasn't moved to do so, Honora. Try to forgive me for +telling you these troubles now in the last few days before your +baby comes. I suppose I turn to you because you are one of the +blessed corporation of mothers--part and parcel of the mother-fact. +It's like being a part of the good rolling earth, just as familiar +and comforting. Thinking of you mysteriously makes me good. I'm +going to forget myself, the way you do, and 'make a home' for +father.<br> +<br> +"Your own<br> +<br> +KATE."</blockquote> +<p>In September she sent Honora a letter of congratulation.</p> +<blockquote>"So it's twins! Girls! Were you transported or amused? +Patience and Patricia--very pretty. You'll stay at home with the +treasures, won't you? You see, there's something about you I can't +quite understand, if you'll forgive me for saying it. You were an +exuberant girl, but after marriage you grew austere--put your lips +together in a line that discouraged kissing. So I'm not sure of you +even now that the babies have come. Some day you'll have to explain +yourself to me.<br> +<br> +"I'm one who needs explanations all along the road. Why? Why? Why? +That is what my soul keeps demanding. Why couldn't I go back to +Chicago with Ray McCrea? He was down here the other day, but I +wouldn't let him say the things he obviously had come to say, and +now he's on his way abroad and very likely we shall not meet again. +I feel so numb since mummy died that I can't care about Ray. I keep +crying 'Why?' about Death among other things. And about that horrid +gulf between father and me. If we try to get across we only fall +in. He has me here ready to his need. He neither knows nor cares +what my thoughts are. So long as I answer the telephone faithfully, +sterilize the drinking-water, and see that he gets his favorite +dishes, he is content. I have no liberty to leave the house and my +restlessness is torture. The neighbors no longer flutter in as they +used when mummy was here. They have given me over to my year of +mourning--which means vacuity.<br> +<br> +"Partly for lack of something better to do I have cleaned the old +house from attic to cellar, and have been glad to creep to bed lame +and sore from work, because then I could sleep. Father won't let me +read at night--watches for signs of the light under my door and +calls out to me if it shows. It is golden weather without, dear +friend, and within is order and system. But what good? I am +stagnating, perishing. I can see no release--cannot even imagine in +what form I would like it to come. In your great happiness remember +my sorrow. And with your wonderful sweetness forgive my bitter +egotism. But truly, Honora, I die daily."</blockquote> +<p>The first letter Honora Fulham wrote after she was able to sit +at her desk was to Kate. No answer came. In November Mrs. Fulham +telephoned to Lena Vroom to ask if she had heard, but Lena had +received no word.</p> +<p>"Go down to Silvertree, Lena, there's a dear," begged her old +schoolmate. But Lena was working for her doctor's degree and could +not spare the time. The holidays came on, and Mrs. Fulham tried to +imagine her friend as being at last broken to her galling harness. +Surely there must be compensations for any father and daughter who +can dwell together. Her own Christmas was a very happy one, and she +was annoyed with herself that her thoughts so continually turned to +Kate. She had an uneasy sense of apprehension in spite of all her +verbal assurances to Lena that Kate could master any situation.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>What really happened in Silvertree that day changed, as it +happened, the course of Kate's life. Sorrow came to her afterward, +disappointment, struggle, but never so heavy and dragging a pain as +she knew that Christmas Day.</p> +<p>She had been trying in many unsuspected ways to relieve her +father's grim misery,--a misery of which his gaunt face told the +tale,--and although he had said that he wished for "no flubdub +about Christmas," she really could not resist making some +recognition of a day which found all other homes happy. When the +doctor came in for his midday meal, Kate had a fire leaping in the +old grate with the marble mantel and a turkey smoking on a table +which was set forth with her choicest china and silver. She had +even gone so far as to bring out a dish distinctly reminiscent of +her mother,--the delicious preserved peaches, which had awaked +unavailing envy in the breasts of good cooks in the village. There +was pudding, too, and brandy sauce, and holly for decorations. It +represented a very mild excursion into the land of festival, but it +was too much for Dr. Barrington.</p> +<p>He had come in cold, tired, hungry, and, no doubt, bitterly +sorrowful at the bottom of his perverse heart. He discerned Kate in +white--it was the first time she had laid off her mourning--and +with a chain of her mother's about her neck. Beyond, he saw the +little Christmas feast and the old silver vase on the table, red +with berries.</p> +<p>"You didn't choose to obey my orders," he said coldly, turning +his unhappy blue eyes on her.</p> +<p>"Your orders?" she faltered.</p> +<p>"There was to be no fuss and feathers of any sort," he said. +"Christmas doesn't represent anything recognized in my philosophy, +and you know it. We've had enough of pretense in this house. I've +been working to get things on a sane basis and I believed you were +sensible enough to help me. But you're just like the rest of +them--you're like all of your sex. You've got to have your silly +play-time. I may as well tell you now that you don't give me any +treat when you give me turkey, for I don't like it."</p> +<p>"Oh, dad!" cried Kate; "you do! I've seen you eat it many times! +Come, really it's a fine dinner. I helped to get it. Let's have a +good time for once."</p> +<p>"I have plenty of good times, but I have them in my own +way."</p> +<p>"They don't include me!" cried Kate, her lips quivering. "You're +too hard on me, dad,--much too hard. I can't stand it, really."</p> +<p>He sat down to the table and ran his finger over the edge of the +carving-knife.</p> +<p>"It wouldn't cut butter," he declared. "Martha, bring me the +steel!"</p> +<p>"I sharpened it, sir," protested Martha.</p> +<p>"Sharpened it, did you? I never saw a woman yet who could +sharpen a knife."</p> +<p>He began flashing the bright steel, and the women, their day +already in ashes, watched him fascinatedly. He was waiting to +pounce on them. They knew that well enough. The spirit of +perversity had him by the throat and held him, writhing. He carved +and served, and then turned again to his daughter.</p> +<p>"So I'm too hard on you, am I?" he said, looking at her with a +cold glint in his eye. "I provide you with a first-class education, +I house you, clothe you, keep you in idleness, and I'm too hard on +you. What do you expect?"</p> +<p>"Why, I want you to like me," cried Kate, her face flushing. "I +simply want to be your daughter. I want you to take me out with +you, to give me things. I wanted you to give me a Christmas +present. I want other things, too,--things that are not +favors."</p> +<p>She paused and he looked at her with a tightening of the +lips.</p> +<p>"Go on," he said.</p> +<p>"I am not being kept in idleness, as I think you know very well. +My time and energies are given to helping you. I look after your +office and your house. My time is not my own. I devote it to you. I +want some recognition of my services--I want some money."</p> +<p>She leaned back in her chair, answering his exasperated frown +with a straight look, which was, though he did not see it, only a +different sort of anger from his own.</p> +<p>"Well, you won't get it," he said. "You won't get it. When you +need things you can tell me and I'll get them for you. But there's +been altogether too much money spent in this house in years gone by +for trumpery. You know that well enough. What's in that chest out +there in the hall? Trumpery! What's in those bureau drawers +upstairs? Truck! Hundreds of dollars, that might have been put out +where it would be earning something, gone into mere flubdub."</p> +<p>He paused to note the effect of his words and saw that he had +scored. Poor Mrs. Barrington, struggling vaguely and darkly in her +own feminine way for some form of self-expression, had spent her +household allowance many a time on futile odds and ends. She had +haunted the bargain counter, and had found herself unable to get +over the idea that a thing cheaply purchased was an economic +triumph. So in drawers and chests and boxes she had packed her +pathetic loot--odds and ends of embroidery, of dress goods, of +passementerie, of chair coverings; dozens of spools of thread and +crochet cotton; odd dishes; jars of cold cream; flotsam and jetsam +of the shops, a mere wreckage of material. Kate remembered it with +vicarious shame and the blood that flowed to her face swept on into +her brain. She flamed with loyalty to that little dead, bewildered +woman, whose feet had walked so falteringly in her search for the +roses of life. And she said--</p> +<p>But what matter what she said?</p> +<p>Her father and herself were at the antipodes, and they were +separated no less by their similarities than by their differences. +Their wistful and inexpressive love for each other was as much of a +blight upon them as their inherent antagonism. The sun went down +that bleak Christmas night on a house divided openly against +itself.</p> +<p>The next day Kate told her father he might look for some one +else to run his house for him. He said he had already done so. He +made no inquiry where she was going. He would not offer her money, +though he secretly wanted her to ask for it. But it was past that +with her. The miserable, bitter drama--the tawdry tragedy, whose +most desperate accent was its shameful approach to farce--wore +itself to an end.</p> +<p>Kate took her mother's jewelry, which had been left to her, and +sold it at the local jeweler's. All Silvertree knew that Kate +Barrington had left her home in anger and that her father had shown +her the back of his hand.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="IV"></a>IV</h2> +<br> +<p>Honora Fulham, sitting in her upper room and jealously guarding +the slumbers of Patience and Patricia, her tiny but already +remarkable twin daughters, heard a familiar voice in the lower +hallway. She dropped her book, "The Psychological Significance of +the Family Group," and ran to the chamber door. A second later she +was hanging over the banisters.</p> +<p>"Kate!" she called with a penetrating whisper. "You!"</p> +<p>"Yes, Honora, it's bad Kate. She's come to you--a penny nobody +else wanted."</p> +<p>Honora Fulham sailed down the stairs with the generous bearing +of a ship answering a signal of distress. The women fell into each +other's arms, and in that moment of communion dismissed all those +little alien half-feelings which grow up between friends when their +enlarging experience has driven them along different roads. Honora +led the way to her austere drawing-room, from which, with a +rigorous desire to economize labor, she had excluded all that was +superfluous, and there, in the bare, orderly room, the two +women--their girlhood definitely behind them--faced each other. +Kate noted a curious retraction in Honora, an indescribable +retrenchment of her old-time self, as if her florescence had been +clipped by trained hands, so that the bloom should not be too +exuberant; and Honora swiftly appraised Kate's suggestion of +freedom and force.</p> +<p>"Kate," she announced, "you look like a kind eagle."</p> +<p>"A wounded one, then, Honora."</p> +<p>"You've a story for me, I see. Sit down and tell it."</p> +<p>So Kate told it, compelling the history of her humiliating +failure to stand out before the calm, adjudging mind of her +friend.</p> +<p>"But oughtn't we to forgive everything to the old?" cried Honora +at the conclusion of the recital.</p> +<p>"Oh, is father old?" responded Kate in anguish. "He doesn't seem +old--only formidable. If I'd thought I'd been wrong I never would +have come up here to ask you to sustain me in my obstinacy. Truly, +Honora, it isn't a question of age. He's hardly beyond his prime, +and he has been using all of his will, which has grown strong with +having his own way, to break me down the way most of the men in +Silvertree have broken their women down. I was getting to be just +like the others, and to start when I heard him coming in at the +door, and to hide things from him so that he wouldn't rage. I'd +have been lying next."</p> +<p>"Kate!"</p> +<p>"Oh, you think it isn't decent for me to speak that way of my +father! You can't think how it seems to me--how--how irreligious! +But let me save my soul, Honora! Let me do that!"</p> +<p>The girl's pallid face, sharpened and intensified, bore the +imprint of genuine misery. Honora Fulham, strong of nerve and quick +of understanding, embraced her with a full sisterly glance.</p> +<p>"I always liked and trusted you, Kate," she said. "I was sorry +when our ways parted, and I'd be happy to have them joined again. I +see it's to be a hazard of new fortune for you, and David and I +will stand by. I don't know, of course, precisely what that may +mean, but we're yours to command."</p> +<p>A key turned in the front door.</p> +<p>"There's David now," said his wife, her voice vibrating, and she +summoned him.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>David Fulham entered with something almost like violence, +although the violence did not lie in his gestures. It was rather in +the manner in which his personality assailed those within the room. +Dark, with an attractive ugliness, arrogant, with restive and +fathomless eyes, he seemed to unite the East and the West in his +being. Had his mother been a Jewess of pride and intellect, and his +father an adventurous American of the superman type? Kate, looking +at him with fresh interest, found her thoughts leaping to the +surmise. She knew that he was, in a way, a great man--a man with a +growing greatness. He had promulgated ideas so daring that his +brother scientists were embarrassed to know where to place him. +There were those who thought of him as a brilliant charlatan; but +the convincing intelligence and self-control of his glance +repudiated that idea. The Faust-like aspect of the man might lay +him open to the suspicion of having too experimental and +inquisitive a mind. But he had, it would seem, no need for +charlatanism.</p> +<p>He came forward swiftly and grasped Kate's hand.</p> +<p>"I remember you quite well," he said in his deep, vibratory +tones. "Are you here for graduate work?"</p> +<p>"No," said Kate; "I'm not so humble."</p> +<p>"Not so humble?" He showed his magnificent teeth in a flashing +but somewhat satiric smile.</p> +<p>"I'm here for Life--not for study."</p> +<p>"Not 'in for life,' but 'out' for it," he supplemented. "That's +interesting. What is Honora suggesting to you? She's sure to have a +theory of what will be best. Honora knows what will be best for +almost everybody, but she sometimes has trouble in making others +see it the same way."</p> +<p>Honora seemed not to mind his chaffing.</p> +<p>"Yes," she agreed, "I've already thought, but I haven't had time +to tell Kate. Do you remember that Mrs. Goodrich said last night at +dinner that her friend Miss Addams was looking about for some one +to take the place of a young woman who was married the other day? +She was an officer of the Children's Protective League, you +remember."</p> +<p>"Oh, that--" broke in Fulham. He turned toward Kate and looked +her over from head to foot, till the girl felt a hot wave of +indignation sweep over her. But his glance was impersonal, +apparently. He paid no attention to her embarrassment. He seemed +merely to be getting at her qualities by the swiftest method. +"Well," he said finally, "I dare say you're right. But--" he +hesitated.</p> +<p>"Well?" prompted his wife.</p> +<p>"But won't it be rather a--a waste?" he asked. And again he +smiled, this time with some hidden meaning.</p> +<p>"Of course it won't be a waste," declared Honora. "Aren't women +to serve their city as well as men? It's a practical form of +patriotism, according to my mind."</p> +<p>Kate broke into a nervous laugh.</p> +<p>"I hope I'm to be of some use," she said. "Work can't come a +moment too soon for me. I was beginning to think--"</p> +<p>She paused.</p> +<p>"Well?" supplied Fulham, still with that watchful regard of +her.</p> +<p>"Oh, that I had made a mistake about myself--that I wasn't going +to be anything in particular, after all."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>They were interrupted. A man sprang up the outside steps and +rang the doorbell imperatively.</p> +<p>"It's Karl Wander," announced Fulham, who had glanced through +the window. "It's your cousin, Honora."</p> +<p>He went to the door, and Kate heard an emphatic and hearty voice +making hurried greetings.</p> +<p>"Stopped between trains," it was saying. "Can stay ten minutes +precisely--not a second longer. Came to see the babies."</p> +<p>Honora had arisen with a little cry and gone to the door. Now +she returned, hanging on to the arm of a weather-tanned man.</p> +<p>"Miss Barrington," she said, "my cousin, Mr. Wander. Oh, Karl, +you're not serious? You don't really mean that you can't stay--not +even over night?"</p> +<p>The man turned his warm brown eyes on Kate and she looked at him +expectantly, because he was Honora's cousin. For the time it takes +to draw a breath, they gazed at each other. Oddly enough, Kate +thought of Ray McCrea, who was across the water, and whose absence +she had not regretted. She could not tell why her thoughts turned +to him. This man was totally unlike Ray. He was, indeed, unlike any +one she ever had known. There was that about him which held her. It +was not quite assertion; perhaps it was competence. But it was +competence that seemed to go without tyranny, and that was +something new in her experience of men. He looked at her on a +level, spiritually, querying as to who she might be.</p> +<p>The magical moment passed. Honora and David were talking. They +ran away up the stairs with their guest, inviting Kate to +follow.</p> +<p>"I'll only be in the way now," she called. "By and by I'll have +the babies all to myself."</p> +<p>Yet after she had said this, she followed, and looked into the +nursery, which was at the rear of the house. Honora had thrust the +two children into her cousin's big arms and she and David stood +laughing at him. Another man might have appeared ridiculous in this +position; but it did not, apparently, occur to Karl Wander to be +self-conscious. He was wrapped in contemplation of the babies, and +when he peered over their heads at Kate, he was quite grave and at +ease.</p> +<p>Then, before it could be realized, he was off again. He had +kissed Honora and congratulated her, and he and Kate had again +clasped hands.</p> +<p>"Sorry," he said, in his explosive way, "that we part so soon." +He held her hand a second longer, gave it a sudden pressure, and +was gone.</p> +<p>Honora shut the door behind him reluctantly.</p> +<p>"So like Karl!" she laughed. "It's the second time he's been in +my house since I was married."</p> +<p>"You'd think we had the plague, the way he runs from us," said +David.</p> +<p>"Oh," responded Honora, not at all disturbed, "Karl is forever +on important business. He's probably been to New York to some +directors' meeting. Now he's on his way to Denver, he says--'men +waiting.' That's Karl's way. To think of his dashing up here +between trains to see my babies!" The tears came to her eyes. +"Don't you think he's fine, Kate?"</p> +<p>The truth was, there seemed to be a sort of vacuum in the air +since he had left--as if he had taken the vitality of it with +him.</p> +<p>"But where does he live?" she asked Honora.</p> +<p>"Address him beyond the Second Divide, and he'll be reached. +Everybody knows him there. His post-office bears his own +name--Wander."</p> +<p>"He's a miner?"</p> +<p>"How did you know?"</p> +<p>"Oh, by process of elimination. What else could he be?"</p> +<p>"Nothing else in all the world," agreed David Fulham. "I tell +Honora he's a bit mad."</p> +<p>"No, no," Honora laughed; "he's not mad; he's merely Western. +How startled you look, Kate--as if you had seen an apparition."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>It was decided that Kate was to stay there at the Fulhams', and +to use one of their several unoccupied rooms. Kate chose one that +looked over the Midway, and her young strength made nothing of the +two flights of stairs which she had to climb to get to it. At first +the severity of the apartment repelled her, but she had no money +with which to make it more to her taste, and after a few hours its +very barrenness made an appeal to her. It seemed to be like her own +life, in need of decoration, and she was content to let things take +their course. It seemed probable that roses would bloom in their +time.</p> +<p>No one, it transpired, ate in the house.</p> +<p>"I found out," explained Honora, "that I couldn't be elaborately +domestic and have a career, too, so I went, with some others of +similar convictions and circumstances, into a coöperative +dining-room scheme."</p> +<p>Kate gave an involuntary shrug of her shoulders.</p> +<p>"You think that sounds desolate? Wait till you see us all +together. This talk about 'home' is all very well, but I happen to +know--and I fancy you do, too--that home can be a particularly +stultifying place. When people work as hard as we do, a little +contact with outsiders is stimulating. But you'll see for yourself. +Mrs. Dennison, a very fine woman, a widow, looks after things for +us. Dr. von Shierbrand, one of our number, got to calling the place +'The Caravansary,' and now we've all fallen into the way of +it."</p> +<p>The Caravansary was but a few doors from the Fulhams'; an +old-fashioned, hospitable affair, with high ceilings, white marble +mantels, and narrow windows. Mrs. Dennison, the house-mother, +suited the place well. Her widow's cap and bands seemed to go with +the grave pretentiousness of the rooms, to which she had succeeded +in giving almost a personal atmosphere. There was room for her +goldfish and her half-dozen canary cages as well as for her +"coöperators"--no one there would permit himself to be called +a boarder.</p> +<p>Kate, sensitive from her isolation and sore from her sorrows, +had imagined that she would resent the familiarities of those she +would be forced to meet on table terms. But what was the use in +trying, to resent Marna Cartan, the young Irish girl who meant to +make a great singer of herself, and who evidently looked upon the +world as a place of rare and radiant entertainment? As for Mrs. +Barsaloux, Marna's patron and benefactor, with her world-weary eyes +and benevolent smile, who could turn a cold shoulder to her +solicitudes? Then there were Wickersham and Von Shierbrand, +members, like Fulham, of the faculty of the University. The +Applegates and the Goodriches were pleasant folk, rather settled in +their aspect, and all of literary leanings. The Applegates were +identified--both husband and wife--with a magazine of literary +criticism; Mr. Goodrich ran a denominational paper with an academic +flavor; Mrs. Goodrich was president of an orphan asylum and spent +her days in good works. Then, intermittently, the company was +joined by George Fitzgerald, a preoccupied young physician, the +nephew of Mrs. Dennison.</p> +<p>They all greeted Kate with potential friendship in their faces, +and she could not keep back her feeling of involuntary surprise at +the absence of anything like suspicion. Down in Silvertree if a new +woman had come into a boarding-house, they would have wondered why. +Here they seemed tacitly to say, "Why not?"</p> +<p>Mrs. Dennison seated Kate between Dr. von Shierbrand and Marna +Cartan. Opposite to her sat Mrs. Goodrich with her quiet smile. +Everyone had something pleasant to say; when Kate spoke, all were +inclined to listen. The atmosphere was quiet, urbane, gracious. +Even David Fulham's exotic personality seemed to soften under the +regard of Mrs. Dennison's gray eyes.</p> +<p>"Really," Kate concluded, "I believe I can be happy here. All I +need is a chance to earn my bread and butter."</p> +<p>And what with the intervention of the Goodriches and the +recommendation of the Fulhams, that opportunity soon came.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="V"></a>V</h2> +<br> +<p>A fortnight later she was established as an officer of the +Children's Protective Association, an organization with a +self-explanatory name, instituted by women, and chiefly supported +by them. She was given an inexhaustible task, police powers, +headquarters at Hull House, and a vocation demanding enough to +satisfy even her desire for spiritual adventure.</p> +<p>It was her business to adjust the lives of children--which meant +that she adjusted their parents' lives also. She arranged the +disarranged; played the providential part, exercising the powers of +intervention which in past times belonged to the priest, but which, +in the days of commercial feudalism, devolve upon the social +workers.</p> +<p>Her work carried her into the lowest strata of society, and her +compassion, her efficiency, and her courage were daily called upon. +Perhaps she might have found herself lacking in the required +measure of these qualities, being so young and inexperienced, had +it not been that she was in a position to concentrate completely +upon her task. She knew how to listen and to learn; she knew how to +read and apply. She went into her new work with a humble spirit, +and this humility offset whatever was aggressive and militant in +her. The death of her mother and the aloofness of her father had +turned all her ardors back upon herself. They found vent now in her +new work, and she was not long in perceiving that she needed those +whom she was called upon to serve quite as much as they needed +her.</p> +<p>Mrs. Barsaloux and Marna Carton, who had been shopping, met Kate +one day crossing the city with a baby in her arms and two miserable +little children clinging to her skirts. Hunger and neglect had +given these poor small derelicts that indescribable appearance of +depletion and shame which, once seen, is never to be confused with +anything else.</p> +<p>"My goodness!" cried Mrs. Barsaloux, glowering at Kate through +her veil; "what sort of work is this you are doing, Miss +Barrington? Aren't you afraid of becoming infected with some +dreadful disease? Wherever do you find the fortitude to be seen in +the company of such wretched little creatures? I would like to help +them myself, but I'd never be willing to carry such filthy little +bags of misery around with me."</p> +<p>Kate smiled cheerfully.</p> +<p>"We've just put their mother in the Bridewell," she said, "and +their father is in the police station awaiting trial. The poor +dears are going to be clean for once in their lives and have a good +supper in the bargain. Maybe they'll be taken into good homes +eventually. They're lovely children, really. You haven't looked at +them closely enough, Mrs. Barsaloux."</p> +<p>"I'm just as close to them as I want to be, thank you," said the +lady, drawing back involuntarily. But she reached for her purse and +gave Kate a bill.</p> +<p>"Would this help toward getting them something?" she asked.</p> +<p>Marna laughed delightedly.</p> +<p>"I'm sure they're treasures," she said. "Mayn't I help Miss +Barrington take them to wherever they're going, <i>tante</i>? I +shan't catch a thing, and I love to know what becomes of homeless +children."</p> +<p>Kate saw a look of acute distress on Mrs. Barsaloux's face.</p> +<p>"This isn't your game just now, Miss Cartan," Kate said in her +downright manner. "It's mine. I'm moving my pawns here and there, +trying to find the best places for them. It's quite +exhilarating."</p> +<p>Her arms were aching and she moved the heavy baby from one +shoulder to the other.</p> +<p>"A game, is it?" asked the Irish girl. "And who wins?"</p> +<p>"The children, I hope. I'm on the side of the children first and +last."</p> +<p>"Oh, so am I. I think it's just magnificent of you to help +them."</p> +<p>Kate disclaimed the magnificence.</p> +<p>"You mustn't forget that I'm doing it for money," she said. +"It's my job. I hope I'll do it well enough to win the reputation +of being honest, but you mustn't think there's anything saintly +about me, because there isn't. Good-bye. Hold on tight, +children!"</p> +<p>She nodded cheerfully and moved on, fresh, strong, determined, +along the crowded thoroughfare, the people making way for her +smilingly. She saw nothing of the attention paid her. She was +wondering if her arms would hold out or if, in some unguarded +moment, the baby would slip from them. Perhaps the baby was +fearful, too, for it reached up its little clawlike hands and +clasped her tight about the neck. Kate liked the feeling of those +little hands, and was sorry when they relaxed and the weary little +one fell asleep.</p> +<p>Each day brought new problems. If she could have decided these +by mere rule of common sense, her new vocation might not have +puzzled her as much as it did. But it was uncommon, superfine, +intuitive sense that was required. She discovered, for example, +that not only was sin a virtue in disguise, but that a virtue might +be degraded into a sin.</p> +<p>She put this case to Honora and David one evening as the three +of them sat in Honora's drawing-room.</p> +<p>"It's the case of Peggy Dunn," she explained. "Peggy likes life. +She has brighter eyes than she knows what to do with and more +smiles than she has a chance to distribute. She has finished her +course at the parochial school and she's clerking in a downtown +store. That is slow going for Peggy, so she evens things up by +attending the Saturday night dances. When she's whirling around the +hall on the tips of her toes, she really feels like herself. She +gets home about two in the morning on these occasions and finds her +mother waiting up for her and kneeling before a little statue of +the Virgin that stands in the corner of the sitting-room. As soon +as the mother sees Peggy, she pounces on her and weeps on her +shoulder, and after Peggy's in bed and dead with the tire in her +legs, her mother gets down beside the bed and prays some more. +'What would you do, please,' says Peggy to me, 'if you had a mother +that kept crying and praying every time you had a bit of fun? +Wouldn't you run away from home and get where they took things +aisier?'"</p> +<p>David threw back his head and roared in sympathetic commendation +of Peggy's point of view.</p> +<p>"Poor little mother," sighed Honora. "I suppose she'll send her +girl straight on the road to perdition and never know what did +it."</p> +<p>"Not if I can help it," said Kate. "I don't believe in letting +her go to perdition at all. I went around to see the mother and I +put the responsibility on her. 'Every time you make Peggy laugh,' I +said, 'you can count it for glory. Every time you make her +swear,--for she does swear,--you can know you've blundered. Why +don't you give her some parties if you don't want her to be going +out to them?'"</p> +<p>"How did she take that?" asked Honora.</p> +<p>"It bothered her a good deal at first, but when I went down to +meet Peggy the other day as she came out of the store, she told me +her mother had had the little bisque Virgin moved into her own +bedroom and that she had put a talking-machine in the place where +it had stood. I told Peggy the talking-machine was just a new kind +of prayer, meant to make her happy, and that it wouldn't do for her +to let her mother's prayers go unanswered. 'Any one with eyes like +yours,' I said to her, 'is bound to have beaux in plenty, but +you've only one mother and you'd better hang on to her.'"</p> +<p>"Then what did she say?" demanded the interested Honora.</p> +<p>"She's an impudent little piece. She said, 'You've some eyes +yourself, Miss Barrington, but I suppose you know how to make them +behave."</p> +<p>"Better marry that girl as soon as you can, Miss Barrington," +counseled David; "that is, if any hymeneal authority is vested in +you."</p> +<p>"That's what Peggy wanted to know," admitted Kate. "She said to +me the other day: 'Ain't you Cupid, Miss Barrington? I heard about +a match you made up, and it was all right--the real thing, sure +enough.' 'Have you a job for me--supposing I was Cupid?' I asked. +That set her off in a gale. So I suppose there's something up +Peggy's very short sleeves."</p> +<p>The Fulhams liked to hear her stories, particularly as she kept +the amusing or the merely pathetic ones for them, refraining from +telling them of the unspeakable, obscene tragedies which daily came +to her notice. It might have been supposed that scenes such as +these would so have revolted her that she could not endure to deal +with them; but this was far from being the case. The greater the +need for her help, the more determined was she to meet the demand. +She had plenty of superiors whom she could consult, and she +suffered less from disgust or timidity than any one could have +supposed possible.</p> +<p>The truth was, she was grateful for whatever absorbed her and +kept her from dwelling upon that dehumanized house at Silvertree. +Her busy days enabled her to fight her sorrow very well, but in the +night, like a wailing child, her longing for her mother awoke, and +she nursed it, treasuring it as those freshly bereaved often do. +The memory of that little frustrated soul made her tender of all +women, and too prone, perhaps, to lay to some man the blame of +their shortcomings. She had no realization that she had set herself +in this subtle and subconscious way against men. But whether she +admitted it or not, the fact remained that she stood with her +sisters, whatever their estate, leagued secretly against the other +sex.</p> +<p>By way of emphasizing her devotion to her work, she ceased +answering Ray McCrea's letters. She studiously avoided the +attentions of the men she met at the Settlement House and at Mrs. +Dennison's Caravansary. Sometimes, without her realizing it, her +thoughts took on an almost morbid hue, so that, looking at Honora +with her chaste, kind, uplifted face, she resented her close +association with her husband. It seemed offensive that he, with his +curious, half-restrained excesses of temperament, should have +domination over her friend who stood so obviously for abnegation. +David manifestly was averse to bounds and limits. All that was wild +and desirous of adventure, in Kate informed her of like qualities +in this man. But she held--and meant always to hold--the restless +falcons of her spirit in leash. Would David Fulham do as much? She +could not be quite sure, and instinctively she avoided anything +approaching intimacy with him.</p> +<p>He was her friend's husband. "Friend's husband" was a sort of +limbo into which men were dropped by scrupulous ladies; so Kate +decided, with a frown at herself for having even thought that David +could wish to emerge from that nondescript place of spiritual +residence. Anyway, she did not completely like him, though she +thought him extraordinary and stimulating, and when Honora told her +something of the great discovery which the two of them appeared to +be upon the verge of making concerning the germination of life +without parental interposition, she had little doubt that David was +wizard enough to carry it through. He would have the daring, and +Honora the industry, and--she reflected--if renown came, that would +be David's beyond all peradventure.</p> +<p>No question about it, Kate's thoughts were satiric these days. +She was still bleeding from the wound which her father had +inflicted, and she did not suspect that it was wounded affection +rather than hurt self-respect which was tormenting her. She only +knew that she shrank from men, and that at times she liked to +imagine what sort of a world it would be if there were no men in it +at all.</p> +<p>Meantime she met men every day, and whether she was willing to +admit it or not, the facts were that they helped her on her way +with brotherly good will, and as they saw her going about her +singular and heavy tasks, they gave her their silent good wishes, +and hoped that the world of pain and shame would not too soon +destroy what was gallant and trustful in her.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>But here has been much anticipation. To go back to the +beginning, at the end of her first week in the city she had a +friend. It was Marna Cartan. They had fallen into the way of +talking together a few minutes before or after dinner, and Kate +would hasten her modest dinner toilet in order to have these few +marginal moments with this palpitating young creature who moved to +unheard rhythms, and whose laughter was the sweetest thing she had +yet heard in a city of infinite dissonances.</p> +<p>"You don't know how to account for me very well, do you?" +taunted Marna daringly, when they had indulged their inclination +for each other's society for a few days. "You wonder about me +because I'm so streaked. I suppose you see vestiges of the farm +girl peeping through the operatic student. Wouldn't you like me to +explain myself?"</p> +<p>She had an iridescent personality, made up of sudden shynesses, +of bright flashes of bravado, of tenderness and hauteur, and she +contrived to be fascinating in all of them. She held Kate as the +Ancient Mariner held the wedding-guest.</p> +<p>"Of course I'd love to know all about you," answered Kate. +"Inquisitiveness is the most marked of my characteristics. But I +don't want you to tell me any more than I deserve to hear."</p> +<p>"You deserve everything," cried Marna, seizing Kate's firm hand +in her own soft one, "because you understand friendship. Why, I +always said it could be as swift and surprising as love, and just +as mysterious. You take it that way, too, so you deserve a great +deal. Well, to begin with, I'm Irish."</p> +<p>Kate's laugh could be heard as far as the kitchen, where Mrs. +Dennison was wishing the people would come so that she could dish +up the soup. Marna laughed, too.</p> +<p>"You guessed it?" she cried. She didn't seem to think it so +obvious as Kate's laugh indicated.</p> +<p>"You don't leave a thing to the imagination in that direction," +Kate cried. "Irish? As Irish as the shamrock! Go on."</p> +<p>"Dear me, I want to begin so far back! You see, I don't merely +belong to modern Ireland. I'm--well, I'm traditional. At least, +Great-Grandfather Cartan, who came over to Wisconsin with a company +of immigrants, could tell you things about our ancestors that would +make you feel as if we came up out of the Irish hills. And +great-grandfather, he actually looked legendary himself. Why, do +you know, he came over with these people to be their +story-teller!"</p> +<p>"Their story-teller?"</p> +<p>"Yes, just that--their minstrel, you understand. And that's what +my people were, 'way back, minstrels. All the way over on the ship, +when the people were weeping for homesickness, or sitting dreaming +about the new land, or falling sick, or getting wild and vicious, +it was great-granddaddy's place to bring them to themselves with +his stories. Then when they all went on to Wisconsin and took up +their land, they selected a small beautiful piece for +great-grandfather, and built him a log house, and helped him with +his crops. He, for his part, went over the countryside and was +welcomed everywhere, and carried all the friendly news and gossip +he could gather, and sat about the fire nights, telling tales of +the old times, and keeping the ancient stories and the ancient +tongue alive for them."</p> +<p>"You mean he used the Gaelic?"</p> +<p>"What else would he be using, and himself the descendant of +minstrels? But after a time he learned the English, too, and he +used that in his latter years because the understanding of the +Gaelic began to die out."</p> +<p>"How wonderful he must have been!"</p> +<p>"Wonderful? For eighty years he held sway over the hearts of +them, and was known as the best story-teller of them all. This was +the more interesting, you see, because every year they gathered at +a certain place to have a story-telling contest; and +great-grandfather was voted the master of them until--"</p> +<p>Marna hesitated, and a flush spread over her face.</p> +<p>"Until--" urged Kate.</p> +<p>"Until a young man came along. Finnegan, his name was. He was no +more than a commercial traveler who heard of the gathering and came +up there, and he capped stories with great-grandfather, and it went +on till all the people were thick about them like bees around a +flower-pot. Four days it lasted, and away into the night; and in +the end they took the prize from great-grandfather and gave it to +Gerlie Finnegan. And that broke great-granddad's heart."</p> +<p>"He died?"</p> +<p>"Yes, he died. A hundred and ten he was, and for eighty years +had been the king of them. When he was gone, it left me without +anybody at all, you see. So that was how I happened to go down to +Baraboo to earn my living."</p> +<p>"What were you doing?"</p> +<p>Marna looked at the tip of her slipper for a moment, +reflectively. Then she glanced up at Kate, throwing a supplicating +glance from the blue eyes which looked as if they were snared +behind their long dark lashes.</p> +<p>"I wouldn't be telling everybody that asked me," she said. "But +I was singing at the moving-picture show, and Mrs. Barsaloux came +in there and heard me. Then she asked me to live with her and go to +Europe, and I did, and she paid for the best music lessons for me +everywhere, and now--"</p> +<p>She hesitated, drawing in a long breath; then she arose and +stood before Kate, breathing deep, and looking like a shining +butterfly free of its chrysalis and ready to spread its emblazoned +wings.</p> +<p>"Yes, bright one!" cried Kate, glowing with admiration. "What +now?"</p> +<p>"Why, now, you know, I'm to go in opera. The manager of the +Chicago Opera Company has been Mrs. Barsaloux's friend these many +years, and she has had him try out my voice. And he likes it. He +says he doesn't care if I haven't had the usual amount of training, +because I'm really born to sing, you see. Perhaps that's my +inheritance from the old minstrels--for they chanted their ballads +and epics, didn't they? Anyway, I really can sing. And I'm to make +my debut this winter in 'Madame Butterfly.' Just think of that! Oh, +I love Puccini! I can understand a musician like that--a man who +makes music move like thoughts, flurrying this way and blowing +that. It's to be very soon--my debut. And then I can make up to +Mrs. Barsaloux for all she's done for me. Oh, there come all the +people! You mustn't let Mrs. Fulham know how I've chattered. I +wouldn't dare talk about myself like that before her. This is just +for you--I <i>knew</i> you wanted to know about me. I want to know +all about you, too."</p> +<p>"Oh," said Kate, "you mustn't expect me to tell my story. I'm +different from you. I'm not born for anything in particular--I've +no talents to point out my destiny. I keep being surprised and +frustrated. It looks to me as if I were bound to make mistakes. +There's something wrong with me. Sometimes I think that I'm not +womanly enough--that there's too much of the man in my disposition, +and that the two parts of me are always going to struggle and +clash."</p> +<p>Chairs were being drawn up to the table.</p> +<p>"Come!" called Dr. von Shierbrand. "Can't you young ladies take +time enough off to eat?"</p> +<p>He looked ready for conversation, and Kate went smilingly to sit +beside him. She knew he expected women to be amusing, and she found +it agreeable to divert him. She understood the classroom fag from +which he was suffering; and, moreover, after all those austere +meals with her father, it really was an excitement and a pleasure +to talk with an amiable and complimentary man.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="VI"></a>VI</h2> +<br> +<p>"We're to have a new member in the family, Kate," Honora said +one morning, as she and Kate made their way together to the +Caravansary. "It's my cousin, Mary Morrison. She's a Californian, +and very charming, I understand."</p> +<p>"She's to attend the University?"</p> +<p>"I don't quite know as to that," admitted Honora, frowning +slightly. "Her father and mother have been dead for several years, +and she has been living with her brother in Santa Barbara. But he +is to go to the Philippines on some legal work, and he's taking his +family with him. Mary begs to stay here with me during his +absence."</p> +<p>"Is she the sort of a person who will need a chaperon? Because I +don't seem to see you in that capacity, Honora."</p> +<p>"No, I don't know that I should care to sit against the wall +smiling complacently while other people were up and doing. I've +always felt I wouldn't mind being a chaperon if they'd let me set +up some sort of a workshop in the ballroom, or even if I could take +my mending, or a book to read. But slow, long hours of vacuous +smiling certainly would wear me out. However, I don't imagine that +Mary will call upon me for any such service."</p> +<p>"But if your cousin isn't going to college, and doesn't intend +to go into society, how will she amuse herself?"</p> +<p>"I haven't an idea--not an idea. But I couldn't say no to her, +could I? I've so few people belonging to me in this world that I +can't, for merely selfish reasons, bear to turn one of my blood +away. Mary's mother and my mother were sisters, and I think we +should be fond of each other. Of course she is younger than I, but +that is immaterial."</p> +<p>"And David--does he like the idea? She may be rather a fixture, +mayn't she? Haven't you to think about that?"</p> +<p>"Oh, David probably won't notice her particularly. People come +and go and it's all the same to him. He sees only his great +problems." Honora choked a sigh.</p> +<p>"Who wants him to do anything else!" defended Kate quickly. "Not +you, surely! Why, you're so proud of him that you're positively +offensive! And to think that you are working beside him every day, +and helping him--you know it's all just the way you would have it, +Honora."</p> +<p>"Yes, it is," agreed Honora contritely, "and you should see him +in the laboratory when we two are alone there, Kate! He's a changed +man. It almost seems as if he grew in stature. When he bends over +those tanks where he is making his great experiments, all of my +scientific training fails to keep me from seeing him as one with +supernatural powers. And that wonderful idea of his, the finding +out of the secret of life, the prying into this last hidden place +of Nature, almost overwhelms me. I can work at it with a +matter-of-fact countenance, but when we begin to approach the +results, I almost shudder away from it. But you must never let +David know I said so. That's only my foolish, feminine, reverent +mind. All the trained and scientific part of me repudiates such +nonsense."</p> +<p>They turned in at the door of the Caravansary.</p> +<p>"I don't want to see you repudiating any part of yourself," +cried Kate with sudden ardor. "It's so sweet of you, Honora, to be +a mere woman in spite of all your learning and your power."</p> +<p>Honora stopped and grasped Kate's wrist in her strong hand.</p> +<p>"But am I that?" she queried, searching her friend's face with +her intense gaze. "You see, I've tried--I've tried--"</p> +<p>She choked on the words.</p> +<p>"I've tried not to be a woman!" she declared, drawing her breath +sharply between her teeth. "It's a strange, strange story, +Kate."</p> +<p>"I don't understand at all," Kate declared.</p> +<p>"I've tried not to be a woman because David is so completely and +triumphantly a man."</p> +<p>"Still I don't understand."</p> +<p>"No, I suppose not. It's a hidden history. Sometimes I can't +believe it myself. But let me ask you, am I the woman you thought I +would be?"</p> +<p>Kate smiled slowly, as her vision of Honora as she first saw her +came back to her.</p> +<p>"How soft and rosy you were!" she cried. "I believe I actually +began my acquaintance with you by hugging you. At any rate, I +wanted to. No, no; I never should have thought of you in a +scientific career, wearing Moshier gowns and having curtain-less +windows. Never!"</p> +<p>Honora stood a moment there in the dim hall, thinking. In her +eyes brooded a curiously patient light.</p> +<p>"Do you remember all the trumpery I used to have on my +toilet-table?" she demanded. "I sent it to Mary Morrison. They say +she looks like me."</p> +<p>She put her hand on the dining-room door and they entered. The +others were there before them. There were growing primroses on the +table, and the sunlight streamed in at the window. A fire crackled +on the hearth; and Mrs. Dennison, in her old-fashioned widow's cap, +sat smiling at the head of her table.</p> +<p>Kate knew it was not really home, but she had to admit that +these busy undomestic moderns had found a good substitute for it: +or, at least, that, taking their domesticity through the mediumship +of Mrs. Dennison, they contrived to absorb enough of it to keep +them going. But, no, it was not really home. Kate could not feel +that she, personally, ever had been "home." She thought of that +song of songs, "The Wanderer."</p> +<blockquote>"Where art thou? Where art thou, O home so +dear?"</blockquote> +<p>She was thinking of this still as, her salutation over, she +seated herself in the chair Dr. von Shierbrand placed for her.</p> +<p>"Busy thinking this morning, Miss Barrington?" Mrs. Dennison +asked gently. "That tells me you're meaning to do some good thing +to-day. I can't say how splendid you social workers seem to us +common folks."</p> +<p>"Oh, my dear Mrs. Dennison!" Kate protested. "You and your kind +are the true social workers. If only women--all women--understood +how to make true homes, there wouldn't be any need for people like +us. We're only well-intentioned fools who go around putting +plasters over the sores. We don't even reach down as far as the +disease--though I suppose we think we do when we get a lot of +statistics together. But the men and women who go about their +business, doing their work well all of the time, are the preventers +of social trouble. Isn't that so, Dr. von Shierbrand?"</p> +<p>That amiable German readjusted his glasses upon his handsome +nose and began to talk about the Second Part of "Faust." The +provocation, though slight, had seemed to him sufficient.</p> +<p>"My husband has already eaten and gone!" observed Honora with +some chagrin. "Can't you use your influence, Mrs. Dennison, to make +him spend a proper amount of time at the table?"</p> +<p>"Oh, he doesn't need to eat except once in a great while. He has +the ways of genius, Mrs. Fulham. Geniuses like to eat at odd times, +and my own feeling is that they should be allowed to do as they +please. It is very bad for geniuses to make them follow a set +plan," said Mrs. Dennison earnestly.</p> +<p>"That woman," observed Dr. von Shierbrand under his breath to +Kate, "has the true feminine wisdom. She should have been the wife +of a great man. It was such qualities which Goethe meant to +indicate in his Marguerite."</p> +<p>Honora, who had overheard, lifted her pensive gray eyes and +interchanged a long look with Dr. von Shierbrand. Each seemed to be +upon the verge of some remark.</p> +<p>"Well," said Kate briskly, "if you want to speak, why don't you? +Are your thoughts too deep for words?"</p> +<p>Von Shierbrand achieved a laugh, but Honora was silent. She +seemed to want to say that there was more than one variety of +feminine wisdom; while Von Shierbrand, Kate felt quite sure, would +have maintained that there was but one--the instinctive sort which +"Marguerite knew."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>The day that Mary Morrison was to arrive conflicted with the +visit of a very great Frenchman to Professor Fulham's +laboratory.</p> +<p>"I really don't see how I'm to meet the child, Kate," Honora +said anxiously to her friend. "Do you think you could manage to get +down to the station?"</p> +<p>Kate could and did go. This girl, like herself, was very much on +her own resources, she imagined. She was coming, as Kate had come +only the other day, to a new and forbidding city, and Kate's heart +warmed to her. It seemed rather a tragedy, at best, to leave the +bland Californian skies and to readjust life amid the iron +compulsion of Chicago. Kate pictured her as a little thing, +depressed, weary with her long journey, and already homesick.</p> +<p>The reality was therefore somewhat of a surprise. As Kate stood +waiting by the iron gate watching the outflowing stream of people +with anxious eyes, she saw a little furore centered about the +person of an opulent young woman who had, it appeared, many +elaborate farewells to make to her fellow-passengers. Two porters +accompanied her, carrying her smart bags, and, even with so much +assistance, she was draped with extra garments, which hung from her +arms in varying and seductive shades of green. She herself was in +green of a subtle olive shade, and her plumes and boa, her chains +and chatelaine, her hand-bags and camera, marked her as the +traveler triumphant and expectant. Like an Arabian princess, borne +across the desert to the home of her future lord, she came +panoplied with splendor. The consciousness of being a personage, by +the mere right conferred by regal womanhood-in-flower, emanated +from her. And the world accepted her smilingly at her own estimate. +She wished to play at being queen. What more simple? Let her have +her game. On every hand she found those who were--or who +delightedly pretended to be--her subjects.</p> +<p>Once beyond the gateway, this exuberant creature paused. "And +now," she said to a gentleman more assiduous than the rest, who +waited upon her and who was laden with her paraphernalia, "you must +help me to identify my cousin. That will be easy enough, too, for +they say we resemble each other."</p> +<p>That gave Kate her cue. She went forward with outstretched +hand.</p> +<p>"I am your cousin's emissary, Miss Morrison," she said. "I am +Kate Barrington, and I came to greet you because your cousin was +unable to get here, and is very, very sorry about it."</p> +<p>Miss Morrison revealed two deep dimples when she smiled, and +held out so much of a hand as she could disengage from her +draperies. She presented her fellow-traveler; she sent a porter for +a taxi. All was exhilaratingly in commotion about her; and Kate +found herself apportioning the camera and some of the other things +to herself.</p> +<p>They had quite a royal setting-forth. Every one helped who could +find any excuse for doing so; others looked on. Miss Morrison +nodded and smiled; the chauffeur wheeled his machine splendidly, +making dramatic gestures which had the effect of causing commerce +to pause till the princess was under way.</p> +<p>"Be sure," warned Miss Morrison, "to drive through the +pleasantest streets."</p> +<p>Then she turned to Kate with a deliciously reproachful +expression on her face.</p> +<p>"Why didn't you order blue skies for me?" she demanded.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Kate never forgot the expression of Miss Morrison's face when +she was ushered into Honora's "sanitary drawing-room," as Dr. von +Shierbrand had dubbed it. True, the towers of Harper Memorial +Library showed across the Plaisance through the undraped windows, +mitigating the gravity of the outlook, and the innumerable lights +of the Midway already began to render less austere the January +twilight. But the brown walls, the brown rug, the Mission furniture +in weathered oak, the corner clock,--an excellent time-piece,--the +fireplace with its bronze vases, the etchings of foreign +architecture, and the bookcase with Ruskin, Eliot, Dickens, and all +the Mid-Victorian celebrities in sets, produced but a grave and +unillumined interior.</p> +<p>"Oh!" cried Miss Morrison with ill-concealed dismay. And then, +after a silence: "But where do you sit when you're sociable?"</p> +<p>"Here," said Kate. She wasn't going to apologize for Honora to a +pair of exclamatory dimples!</p> +<p>"But you can be intimate here?" Miss Morrison inquired.</p> +<p>"We're not intimate," flashed Kate. "We're too busy--and we +respect each other too much."</p> +<p>Miss Morrison sank into a chair and revealed the tint of her +lettuce-green petticoat beneath her olive-green frock.</p> +<p>"I'm making you cross with me," she said regretfully. "Please +don't dislike me at the outset. You see, out in California we're +not so up and down as you are here. If you were used to spending +your days in the shade of yellow walls, with your choice of +hammocks, and with nothing to do but feed the parrot and play the +piano, why, I guess you'd--"</p> +<p>She broke off and stared about her.</p> +<p>"Why, there isn't any piano!" she cried. "Do you mean Honora has +no piano?"</p> +<p>"What would be the use? She doesn't play."</p> +<p>"I must order one in the morning, then. Honora wouldn't care, +would she? Oh, when do you suppose she'll be home? Does she like to +stay over in that queer place you told me of, fussing around with +those frogs?"</p> +<p>Kate had been rash enough to endeavor to explain something of +the Fulhams' theories regarding the mechanistic conception of life. +There was nothing to do but accord Miss Morrison the laugh which +she appeared to think was coming to her.</p> +<p>"I can see that I shouldn't have told you about anything like +that," Kate said. "I see how mussy you would think any scientific +experiment to be. And, really, matters of greater importance engage +your attention."</p> +<p>She was quite serious. She had swiftly made up her mind that +Mary Morrison, with her conscious seductions, was a much more +important factor in the race than austere Honora Fulham. But Miss +Morrison was suspicious of satire.</p> +<p>"Oh, I think science important!" she protested.</p> +<p>"No, you don't," declared Kate; "you only wish you did. Come, +we'll go to your room."</p> +<p>It was the rear room on the second floor, and it presented a +stern parallelogram occupied by the bare necessaries of a +sleeping-apartment. The walls and rug were gray, the furniture of +mahogany. Mary Morrison looked at it a moment with a slow smile. +Then she tossed her green coat and her hat with its sweeping veil +upon the bed. She flung her camera and her magazines upon the +table. She opened her traveling-bag, and, with hands that almost +quivered with impatience, placed upon the toilet-table the silver +implements that Honora had sent her and scattered broadcast among +them her necklaces and bracelets.</p> +<p>"I'll have some flowering plants to-morrow," she told Kate. "And +when my trunks and boxes come, I'll make the wilderness blossom +like a rose. How have you decorated your room?"</p> +<p>"I haven't much money," said Kate bluntly; "but I've--well, I've +ventured on my own interpretations of what a bed-sitting-room +should be."</p> +<p>Miss Morrison threw her a bright glance.</p> +<p>"I'll warrant you have," she said. "I should think you'd +contrive a very original sort of a place. Thank you so much for +looking after me. I brought along a gown for dinner. Naturally, I +didn't want to make a dull impression at the outset. Haven't I +heard that you dine out at some sort of a place where geniuses +congregate?"</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Years afterward, Kate used to think about the moment when Honora +and her cousin met. Honora had come home, breathless from the +laboratory. It had been a stirring afternoon for her. She had heard +words of significant appreciation spoken to David by the men whom, +out of all the world, she would have chosen to have praise him. She +looked at Miss Morrison, who had come trailing down in a cerise +evening gown as if she were a bright creature of another species, +somewhat, Kate could not help whimsically thinking, as a +philosophic beaver might have looked at a bird of paradise. Then +Honora had kissed her cousin.</p> +<p>"Dear blue-eyed Mary!" she had cried. "Welcome to a dull and +busy home."</p> +<p>"How good of you to take me in," sighed Miss Morrison. "I hated +to bother you, Honora, but I thought you might keep me out of +mischief."</p> +<p>"Have you been getting into mischief?" Honora asked, still +laughing.</p> +<p>"Not quite," answered her cousin, blushing bewitchingly. "But +I'm always on the verge of it. It's the Californian climate, I +think."</p> +<p>"So exuberant!" cried Honora.</p> +<p>"That's it!" agreed "Blue-eyed Mary." "I thought you'd +understand. Here, I'm sure, you're all busy and good."</p> +<p>"Some of us are," agreed Honora. "There's my Kate, for example. +She's one of the most useful persons in town, and she's just as +interesting as she is useful."</p> +<p>Miss Morrison turned her smiling regard on Kate. "But, Honora, +she's been quite abrupt with me. She doesn't approve of me. I +suppose she discovered at once that I <i>wasn't</i> useful."</p> +<p>"I didn't," protested Kate. "I think decorative things are of +the utmost use."</p> +<p>"There!" cried Miss Morrison; "you can see for yourself that she +doesn't like me!"</p> +<p>"Nonsense," said Kate, really irritated. "I shall like you if +Honora does. Let me help you dress, Honora dear. Are you tired or +happy that your cheeks are so flushed?"</p> +<p>"I'm both tired and happy, Kate. Excuse me, Mary, won't you? If +David comes in you'll know him by instinct. Believe me, you are +very welcome."</p> +<p>Up in Honora's bedroom, Kate asked, as she helped her friend +into the tidy neutral silk she wore to dinner: "Is the blue-eyed +one going to be a drain on you, girl? You oughtn't to carry any +more burdens. Are you disturbed? Is she more of a proposition than +you counted on?"</p> +<p>Honora turned her kind but troubled eyes on Kate.</p> +<p>"I can't explain," she said in <i>so</i> low a voice that Kate +could hardly catch the words. "She's like me, isn't she? I seemed +to see--"</p> +<p>"What?"</p> +<p>"Ghosts--bright ghosts. Never mind."</p> +<p>"You're not thinking that you are old, are you?" cried Kate. +"Because that's absurd. You're wonderful--wonderful."</p> +<p>Laughter arose to them--the mingled voices of David Fulham and +his newfound cousin by marriage.</p> +<p>"Good!" cried Honora with evident relief. "They seem to be +taking to each other. I didn't know how David would like her."</p> +<p>He liked her very well, it transpired, and when the +introductions had been made at the Caravansary, it appeared that +every one was delighted with her. If their reception of her +differed from that they had given to Kate, it was nevertheless +kindly--almost gay. They leaped to the conclusion that Miss +Morrison was designed to enliven them. And so it proved. She threw +even the blithe Marna Cartan temporarily into the shade; and Dr. +von Shierbrand, who was accustomed to talking with Kate upon such +matters as the national trait of incompetence, or the reprehensible +modern tendency of coddling the unfit, turned his attention to Miss +Morrison and to lighter subjects.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Two days later a piano stood in Honora's drawing-room, and Miss +Morrison sat before it in what may be termed occult draperies, +making lovely music. Technically, perhaps, the music left something +to be desired. Mrs. Barsaloux and Marna Cartan thought so, at any +rate. But the habitués of Mrs. Dennison's near-home soon +fell into the way of trailing over to the Fulhams' in Mary +Morrison's wake, and as they grouped themselves about on the ugly +Mission furniture, in a soft light produced by many candles, and an +atmosphere drugged with highly scented flowers, they fell under the +spell of many woven melodies.</p> +<p>When Mary Morrison's tapering fingers touched the keys they +brought forth a liquid and caressing sound like falling water in a +fountain, and when she leaned over them as if to solicit them to +yield their kind responses, her attitude, her subtle garments, the +swift interrogative turns of her head, brought visions to those who +watched and listened. Kate dreamed of Italian gardens--the gardens +she never had seen; Von Shierbrand thought of dark German forests; +Honora, of a moonlit glade. These three confessed so much. The +others did not tell their visions, but obviously they had them. +Blue-eyed Mary was one of those women who inspire others. She was +the quintessence of femininity, and she distilled upon the air +something delicately intoxicating, like the odor of +lotus-blossoms.</p> +<p>It was significant that the Fulhams' was no longer a house of +suburban habits. Ten o'clock and lights out had ceased to be the +rule. After music there frequently was a little supper, and every +one was pressed into service in the preparation of it. Something a +trifle fagged and hectic began to show in the faces of Mrs. +Dennison's family, and that good woman ventured to offer some +reproof.</p> +<p>"You all are hard workers," she said, "and you ought to be hard +resters, too. You're not acting sensibly. Any one would think you +were the idle rich."</p> +<p>"Well, we're entitled to all the pleasure we can get," Mary +Morrison had retorted. "There are people who think that pleasure +isn't for them. But I am just the other way--I take it for granted +that pleasure is my right. I always take everything in the way of +happiness that I can get my hands on."</p> +<p>"You mean, of course, my dear child," said the gentle Mrs. +Goodrich, "all that you can get which does not belong to some one +else."</p> +<p>Blue-eyed Mary laughed throatily.</p> +<p>"Fortunately," she said, "there's pleasure enough to go around. +It's like air, every one can breathe it in."</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="VII"></a>VII</h2> +<br> +<p>But though Miss Morrison had made herself so brightly, so almost +universally at home, there was one place into which she did not +venture to intrude. This was Kate's room. Mary had felt from the +first a lack of encouragement there, and although she liked to talk +to Kate, and received answers in which there appeared to be no lack +of zest and response, yet it seemed to be agreed that when Miss +Barrington came tramping home from her hard day's work, she was to +enjoy the solitude of her chamber.</p> +<p>Mary used to wonder what went on there. Miss Barrington could be +very still. The hours would pass and not a sound would issue from +that high upper room which looked across the Midway and included +the satisfactory sight of the Harper Memorial and the massed +University buildings. Kate would, indeed, have had difficulty in +explaining that she was engaged in the mere operation of living. +Her life, though lonely, and to an extent undirected, seemed +abundant. Restless she undoubtedly was, but it was a restlessness +which she succeeded in holding in restraint. At first when she came +up to the city the daze of sorrow was upon her. But this was +passing. A keen awareness of life suffused her now and made her +observant of everything about her. She felt the tremendous +incongruities of city life, and back of these incongruities, the +great, hidden, passionate purpose which, ultimately, meant a city +of immeasurable power. She rejoiced, as the young and gallant dare +to do, that she was laboring in behalf of that city. Not one +bewildered, wavering, piteous life was adjusted through her efforts +that she did not feel that her personal sum of happiness had +received an addition. That deep and burning need for religion, or +for love, or for some splendid and irresistible impetus, was +satisfied in part by her present work.</p> +<p>To start out each morning to answer the cry of distress, to +understand the intricate yet effective machinery of benevolent +organizations, so that she could call for aid here and there, and +have instant and intelligent coöperation, to see broken lives +mended, the friendless befriended, the tempted lifted up, the +evil-doer set on safe paths, warmed and sustained her. That +inquisitive nature of hers was now so occupied with the answering +of practical and immediate questions that it had ceased to beat +upon the hollow doors of the Unknown with unavailing inquiries.</p> +<p>So far as her own life was concerned, she seemed to have found, +not a haven, but a broad sea upon which she could triumphantly +sail. That shame at being merely a woman, with no task, no utility, +no independence, had been lifted from her. So, in gratitude, +everywhere, at all times, she essayed to help other women to a +similar independence. She did not go so far as to say that it was +the panacea for all ills, but she was convinced that more than half +of the incoherent pain of women's lives could be avoided by the +mere fact of financial independence. It became a religion with her +to help the women with whom she came in contact, to find some +unguessed ability or applicability which would enable them to put +money in their purses. With liberty to leave a miserable condition, +one often summoned courage to remain and face it. She pointed that +out to her wistful constituents, the poor little wives who had +found in marriage only a state of supine drudgery, and of +unexpectant, monotonous days. She was trying to give them some game +to play. That was the way she put it to them. If one had a game to +play, there was use in living. If one had only to run after the +balls of the players, there was not zest enough to carry one +along.</p> +<p>She began talking now and then at women's clubs and at meetings +of welfare workers. Her abrupt, picturesque way of saying things +"carried," as an actor would put it. Her sweet, clear contralto +held the ear; her aquiline comeliness pleased the eye without +enticing it; her capable, fit-looking clothes were so happily +secondary to her personality that even the women could not tell how +she was dressed. She was the least seductive person imaginable; and +she looked so self-sufficient that it seldom occurred to any one to +offer her help. Yet she was in no sense bold or aggressive. No one +ever thought of accusing her of being any of those things. Many +loved her--loved her wholesomely, with a love in which trust was a +large element. Children loved her, and the sick, and the bad. They +looked to her to help them out of their helplessness. She was very +young, but, after all, she was maternal. A psychologist would have +said that there was much of the man about her, and her love of the +fair chance, her appetite for freedom, her passion for using her +own capabilities might, indeed, have seemed to be of the masculine +variety of qualities; but all this was more than offset by this +inherent impulse for maternity. She was born, apparently, to care +for others, but she had to serve them freely. She had to be the +dispenser of good. She was unconsciously on the outlook against +those innumerable forms of slavishness which affection or religion +gilded and made to seem like noble service.</p> +<p>Among those who loved her was August von Shierbrand. He loved +her apparently in spite of himself. She did not in the least accord +with his romantic ideas of what a woman should be. He was something +of a poet, and a specialized judge of poetry, and he liked women of +the sort who inspired a man to write lyrics. He had tried +unavailingly to write lyrics about Kate, but they never would "go." +He confessed his fiascoes to her.</p> +<p>"Nothing short of martial measures seems to suit you," he said +laughingly.</p> +<p>"But why write about me at all, Dr. von Shierbrand?" she +inquired. "I don't want any one writing about me. What I want to do +is to learn how to write myself--not because I feel impelled to be +an author, but because I come across things almost every day which +ought to be explained."</p> +<p>"You are completely absorbed in this extraordinary life of +yours!" he complained.</p> +<p>"Why not!" demanded Kate. "Aren't you completely absorbed in +your life?"</p> +<p>"Of course I am. But teaching is my chosen profession."</p> +<p>"Well, life is my chosen profession. I want to see, feel, know, +breathe, Life. I thought I'd never be able to get at it. I used to +feel like a person walking in a mist. But it's different now. +Everything has taken on a clear reality to me. I'm even beginning +to understand that I myself am a reality and that my thoughts as +well as my acts are entities. I'm getting so that I can define my +own opinions. I don't believe there's anybody in the city who would +so violently object to dying as I would, Dr. von Shierbrand."</p> +<p>The sabre cut on Von Shierbrand's face gleamed.</p> +<p>"You certainly seem at the antipodes of death, Miss Barrington," +he said with a certain thickness in his utterance. "And I, +personally, can think of nothing more exhilarating than in living +beside you. I meant to wait--to wait a long time before asking you. +But what is the use of waiting? I want you to marry me. I feel as +if it must be--as if I couldn't get along without you to help me +enjoy things."</p> +<p>Kate looked at him wonderingly. It was before the afternoon +concert and they were sitting in Honora's rejuvenated drawing-room +while they waited for the others to come downstairs.</p> +<p>"But, Dr. von Shierbrand!" she cried, "I don't like a city +without suburbs!"</p> +<p>"I beg your pardon!"</p> +<p>"I like to see signs of my City of Happiness as I +approach--outlying villas, and gardens, and then straggling, +pleasant neighborhoods, and finally Town."</p> +<p>"Oh, I see. You mean I've been too unexpected. Can't you +overlook that? You're an abrupt person yourself, you know. I'm +persuaded that we could be happy together."</p> +<p>"But I'm not in love, Dr. von Shierbrand. I'm sorry. Frankly, +I'd like to be."</p> +<p>"And have you never been? Aren't you nursing a dream of--"</p> +<p>"No, no; I haven't had a hopeless love if that's what you mean. +I'm all lucid and clear and comfortable nowadays--partly because +I've stopped thinking about some of the things to which I couldn't +find answers, and partly because Life is answering some of my +questions."</p> +<p>"How to be happy without being in love, perhaps."</p> +<p>"Well, I am happy--temperately so. Perhaps that's the only +degree of happiness I shall ever know. Of course, when I was +younger I thought I should get to some sort of a place where I +could stand in swimming glory and rejoice forever, but I see now +how stupid I was to think anything of the sort. I hoped to escape +the commonplace by reaching some beatitude, but now I have found +that nothing really is commonplace. It only seems so when you +aren't understanding enough to get at the essential truth of +things."</p> +<p>"Oh, that's true! That's true!" cried Von Shierbrand.</p> +<p>"Oh, Kate, I do love you. You seem to complete me. When I'm with +you I understand myself. Please try to love me, dear. We'll get a +little home and have a garden and a library--think how restful it +will be. I can't tell you how I want a place I can call home."</p> +<p>"There they come," warned Kate as she heard footsteps on the +stairs. "You must take 'no' for your answer, dear man. I feel just +like a mother to you."</p> +<p>Dr. von Shierbrand arose, obviously offended, and he allied +himself with Mary Morrison on the way to the concert. Kate walked +with Honora and David until they met with Professor Wickersham, who +was also bound for Mandel Hall and the somewhat tempered classicism +which the Theodore Thomas Orchestra offered to "the University +crowd."</p> +<p>"Please walk with me, Miss Barrington," said Wickersham. "I want +you to explain the universe to me."</p> +<p>"I can do that nicely," retorted Kate, "because Dr. von +Shierbrand has already explained it to me."</p> +<p>Blue-eyed Mary was pouting. She never liked any variety of +amusement, conversational or otherwise, in which she was not the +center.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>So Kate's life sped along. It was not very significant, perhaps, +or it would not have seemed so to the casual onlooker, but life is +measured by its inward rather than its outward processes, and Kate +felt herself being enriched by her experiences.</p> +<p>She enjoyed being brought into contact with the people she met +in her work--not alone the beneficiaries of her ministrations, but +the policemen and the police matrons and the judges of the police +court. She joined a society of "welfare workers," and attended +their suppers and meetings, and tried to learn by their experience +and to keep her own ideas in abeyance.</p> +<p>She could not help noticing that she differed in some +particulars from most of these laborers in behalf of the +unfortunate. They brought practical, unimaginative, and direct +minds to bear upon the problems before them, while she never could +escape her theories or deny herself the pleasure of looking beyond +the events to the causes which underlay them. This led her to jot +down her impressions in a notebook, and to venture on comments +concerning her experiences.</p> +<p>Moreover, not only was she deeply moved by the disarrangement +and bewilderment which she saw around her, but she began to awaken +to certain great events and developing powers in the world. She +read the sardonic commentators upon modern life--Ibsen, Strindberg, +and many others; and if she sometimes passionately repudiated them, +at other times she listened as if she were finding the answers to +her own inquiries. It moved her to discover that men, more often +than women, had been the interpreters of women's hidden meanings, +and that they had been the setters-forth of new visions of +sacredness and fresh definitions of liberty.</p> +<p>It was these men--these aloof and unsentimental ones--who had +pointed out that the sin of sins committed by women had been the +indifference to their own personalities. They had been echoers, +conformers, imitators; even, in their own way, cowards. They had +feared the conventions, and had been held in thrall by their own +carefully nursed ideals of themselves. They had lacked the ability +to utilize their powers of efficiency; had paid but feeble respect +to their own ideals; had altogether measured themselves by too +limited a standard. Failing wifely joy, they had too often regarded +themselves as unsuccessful, and had apologized tacitly to the world +for using their abilities in any direction save one. They had not +permitted themselves that strong, clean, robust joy of developing +their own powers for mere delight in the exercise of power.</p> +<p>But now, so Kate believed,--so her great instructors informed +her,--they were awakening to their privileges. An intenser +awareness of life, of the right to expression, and of satisfaction +in constructive performances was stirring in them. If they desired +enfranchisement, they wanted it chiefly for spiritual reasons. This +was a fact which the opponents of the advancing movement did not +generally recognize. Kate shrank from those fruitless arguments at +the Caravansary with the excellent men who gravely and kindly +rejected suffrage for women upon the ground that they were +protecting them by doing so. They did not seem to understand that +women desired the ballot because it was a symbol as well as because +it was an instrument and an argument. If it was to benefit the +working woman in the same way in which it benefited the working +man, by making individuality a thing to be considered; if it was to +give the woman taxpayer certain rights which would put her on a par +with the man taxpayer, a thousand times more it was to benefit all +women by removing them from the class of the unconsidered, the +superfluous, and the negligible.</p> +<p>Yes, women were wanting the ballot because it included +potentiality, and in potentiality is happiness. No field seems fair +if there is no gateway to it--no farther field toward which the +steps may be turned. Kate was getting hold of certain significant +similes. She saw that it was past the time of walls and limits. +Walled cities were no longer endurable, and walled and limited +possibilities were equally obsolete. If the departure of the +"captains and the kings" was at hand, if the new forces of +democracy had routed them, if liberty for all men was now an ethic +need of civilization, so political recognition was necessary for +women. Women required the ballot because the need was upon them to +perform great labors. Their unutilized benevolence, their +disregarded powers of organization, their instinctive sense of +economy, their maternal-oversoul, all demanded exercise. Women were +the possessors of certain qualities so abundant, so ever-renewing, +that the ordinary requirements of life did not give them adequate +employment. With a divine instinct of high selfishness, of +compassion, of realization, they were seeking the opportunity to +exercise these powers.</p> +<p>"The restlessness of women," "the unquiet sex," were terms which +were becoming glorious in Kate's ears. She saw no reason why women +as well as men should not be allowed to "dance upon the floor of +chance." All about her were women working for the advancement of +their city, their country, and their race. They gave of their +fortunes, of their time, of all the powers of their spirit. They +warred with political machines, with base politicians, with public +contumely, with custom. What would have crushed women of equally +gentle birth a generation before, seemed now of little account to +these workers. They looked beyond and above the irritation of the +moment, holding to the realization that their labors were of vital +worth. Under their administration communities passed from shameless +misery to self-respect; as the result of their generosity, courts +were sustained in which little children could make their plea and +wretched wives could have justice. Servants, wantons, outcasts, the +insane, the morally ill, all were given consideration in this new +religion of compassion. It was amazing to Kate to see light come to +dull eyes--eyes which had hitherto been lit only with the fires of +hate. As she walked the gray streets in the performance of her +tasks, weary and bewildered though she often was, she was sustained +by the new discovery of that ancient truth that nothing human can +be foreign to the person of good will. Neither dirt nor hate, +distrust, fear, nor deceit should be permitted to blind her to the +essential similarity of all who were "bound together in the bundle +of life."</p> +<p>It was not surprising that at this time she should begin writing +short articles for the women's magazines on the subjects which +presented themselves to her in her daily work. Her brief, +spontaneous, friendly articles, full of meat and free from the +taint of bookishness, won favor from the first. She soon found her +evenings occupied with her somewhat matter-of-fact literary labors. +But this work was of such a different character from that which +occupied her in the daytime that so far from fatiguing her it gave +an added zest to her days.</p> +<p>She was not fond of idle evenings. Sitting alone meant thinking, +and thought meant an unconquerable homesickness for that lonely man +back in Silvertree from whom she had parted peremptorily, and +toward whom she dared not make any overtures. Sometimes she sent +him an article clipped from the magazines or newspapers dealing +with some scientific subject, and once she mailed him a number of +little photographs which she had taken with her own camera and +which might reveal to him, if he were inclined to follow their +suggestions, something of the life in which she was engaged. But no +recognition of these wordless messages came from him. He had been +unable to forgive her, and she beat down the question that would +arise as to whether she also had been at fault. She was under the +necessity of justifying herself if she would be happy. It was only +after many months had passed that she learned how a heavy burden +may become light by the confession of a fault.</p> +<p>Meantime, she was up early each morning; she breakfasted with +the most alert residents of the Caravansary; then she took the +street-car to South Chicago and reported at a dismal office. Here +the telephone served to put her into communication with her +superior at Settlement House. She reported what she had done the +day before (though, to be sure, a written report was already on its +way), she asked advice, she talked over ways and means. Then she +started upon her daily rounds. These might carry her to any one of +half a dozen suburbs or to the Court of Domestic Relations, or over +on the West Side of the city to the Juvenile Court. She appeared +almost daily before some police magistrate, and not long after her +position was assumed, she was called upon to give evidence before +the grand jury.</p> +<p>"However do you manage it all?" Honora asked one evening when +Kate had been telling a tale of psychically sinister import. "How +can you bring yourself to talk over such terrible and revolting +subjects as you have to, before strange men in open court?"</p> +<p>"A nice old man asked me that very question to-day as I was +coming out of the courtroom," said Kate. "He said he didn't like to +see young women doing such work as I was doing. 'Who will do it, +then?' I asked. 'The men,' said he. 'Do you think we can leave it +to them?' I asked. 'Perhaps not,' he admitted. 'But at least it +could be left to older women.' 'They haven't the strength for it,' +I told him, and then I gave him a notion of the number of miles I +had ridden the day before in the street-car-it was nearly sixty, I +believe. 'Are you sure it's worth it?' he asked. He had been +listening to the complaint I was making against a young man who +has, to my knowledge, completely destroyed the self-respect of five +girls--and I've known him but a short time. You can make an +estimate of the probable number of crimes of his if it amuses you. +'Don't you think it's worth while if that man is shut up where he +can't do any more mischief?' I asked him. Of course he thought it +was; but he was still shaking his head over me when I left him. He +still thought I ought to be at home making tidies. I can't imagine +that it ever occurred to him that I was a disinterested economist +in trying to save myself from waste."</p> +<p>She laughed lightly in spite of her serious words.</p> +<p>"Anyway," she said, "I find this kind of life too amusing to +resign. One of the settlement workers was complaining to me this +morning about the inherent lack of morals among some of our +children. It appears that the Harrigans--there are seven of +them--commandeered some old clothes that had been sent in for +charitable distribution. They poked around in the trunks when no +one was watching and helped themselves to what they wanted. The +next day they came to a party at the Settlement House togged up in +their plunder. My friend reproved them, but they seemed to be +impervious to her moral comments, so she went to the mother. +'Faith,' said Mrs. Harrigan, 'I tould them not to be bringing home +trash like that. "It ain't worth carryin' away," says I to +them.'"</p> +<p>About this time Kate was invited to become a resident of Hull +House. She was touched and complimented, but, with a loyalty for +which there was, perhaps, no demand, she remained faithful to her +friends at the Caravansary. She was loath to take up her residence +with a group which would have too much community of interest. The +ladies at Mrs. Dennison's offered variety. Life was dramatizing +itself for her there. In Honora and Marna and Mrs. Barsaloux and +those quiet yet intelligent gentlewomen, Mrs. Goodrich and Mrs. +Applegate, in the very servants whose pert individualism distressed +the mid-Victorian Mrs. Dennison, Kate saw working those mysterious +world forces concerning which she was so curious. The frequent +futility of Nature's effort to throw to the top this hitherto +unutilized feminine force was no less absorbing than the success +which sometimes attended the impulsion. To the general and +widespread convulsion, the observer could no more be oblivious than +to an earthquake or a tidal wave.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="VIII"></a>VIII</h2> +<br> +<p>Kate had not seen Lena Vroom for a long time, and she had +indefinitely missed her without realizing it until one afternoon, +as she was searching for something in her trunk, she came across a +package of Lena's letters written to her while she was at +Silvertree. That night at the table she asked if any one had seen +Lena recently.</p> +<p>"Seen her?" echoed David Fulham. "I've seen the shadow of her +blowing across the campus. She's working for her doctor's degree, +like a lot of other silly women. She's living by herself somewhere, +on crackers and cheese, no doubt."</p> +<p>"Would she really be so foolish?" cried Kate. "I know she's +devoted to her work, but surely she has some sense of +moderation."</p> +<p>"Not a bit of it," protested the scientist. "A person of +mediocre attainments who gets the Ph.D. bee in her bonnet has no +sense of any sort. I see them daily, men and women,--but women +particularly,--stalking about the grounds and in and out of +classes, like grotesque ghosts. They're staggering under a mental +load too heavy for them, and actually it might be a physical load +from its effects. They get lop-sided, I swear they do, and they +acquire all sorts of miserable little personal habits that make +them both pitiable and ridiculous. For my part, I believe the day +will come when no woman will be permitted to try for the higher +degrees till her brain has been scientifically tested and found to +be adequate for the work."</p> +<p>"But as for Lena," said Kate, "I thought she was quite a wonder +at her lessons."</p> +<p>"Up to a certain point," admitted Fulham, "I've no doubt she +does very well. But she hasn't the capacity for higher work, and +she'll be the last one to realize it. My advice to you, Miss +Barrington, is to look up your friend and see what she is doing +with herself. You haven't any of you an idea of the tragedies of +the classroom, and I'll not tell them to you. But they're serious +enough, take my word for it."</p> +<p>"Yes, do look her up, Kate," urged Honora.</p> +<p>"It's hard to manage anything extra during the day," said Kate. +"I must go some evening."</p> +<p>"Perhaps Cousin Mary could go with you," suggested Honora. +Honora threw a glance of affectionate admiration at her young +cousin, who had blossomed out in a bewitching little frock of baby +blue, and whose eyes reflected the color.</p> +<p>She was, indeed, an entrancing thing, was "Blue-eyed Mary." The +tenderness of her lips, the softness of her complexion, the glamour +of her glance increased day by day, and without apparent reason. +She seemed to be more eloquent, with the sheer eloquence of womanly +emotion. Everything that made her winning was intensified, as if +Love, the Master, had touched to vividness what hitherto had been +no more than a mere promise.</p> +<p>What was the secret of this exotic florescence? She went out +only to University affairs with Honora or Kate, or to the city with +Marna Cartan. Her interests appeared to be few; and she was neither +a writer nor a receiver of letters. Altogether, the sources of that +hidden joy which threw its enchantment over her were not to be +guessed.</p> +<p>But what did it all matter? She was an exhilarating +companion--and what a contrast to poor Lena! That night, lying in +bed, Kate reproached herself for her neglect of her once so +faithful friend. Lena might be going through some severe +experience, alone and unaided. Kate determined to find out the +truth, and as she had a half-holiday on Saturday, she started on +her quest.</p> +<p>Lena, it transpired, had moved twice during the term and had +neglected to register her latest address. So she was found only +after much searching, and twilight was already gathering when Kate +reached the dingy apartment in which Lena had secreted herself. It +was a rear room up three flights of stairs, approached by a long, +narrow corridor which the economical proprietor had left in +darkness. Kate rapped softly at first; then, as no one answered, +most sharply. She was on the point of going away when the door was +opened a bare crack and the white, pinched face of Lena Vroom +peered out.</p> +<p>"It's only Kate, Lena!" Then, as there was no response: "Aren't +you going to let me in?"</p> +<p>Still Lena did not fling wide the door.</p> +<p>"Oh, Kate!" she said vaguely, in a voice that seemed to drift +from a Maeterlinckian mist. "How are you?"</p> +<p>"Pretty sulky, thank you. Why don't you open the door, +girl?"</p> +<p>At that Lena drew back; but she was obviously annoyed. Kate +stepped into the bare, unkempt room. Remnants of a miserable +makeshift meal were to be seen on a rickety cutting-table; the bed +was unmade; and on the desk, in the center of the room, a drop-lamp +with a leaking tube polluted the air. There was a formidable litter +of papers on a great table, and before it stood a swivel chair +where Lena Vroom had been sitting preparing for her degree.</p> +<p>Kate deliberately took this all in and then turned her gaze on +her friend.</p> +<p>"What's the use, girl?" she demanded with more than her usual +abruptness. "What are you doing it all for?"</p> +<p>Lena threw a haggard glance at her.</p> +<p>"We won't talk about that," she said in that remote, sunken +voice. "I haven't the strength to discuss it. To be perfectly +frank, Kate, you mustn't visit me now. You see, I'm studying night +and day for the inquisition."</p> +<p>"The--"</p> +<p>"Yes, inquisition. You see, it isn't enough that my thesis +should be finished. I can't get my degree without a last, terrible +ordeal. Oh, Kate, you can't imagine what it is like! Girls who have +been through it have told me. You are asked into a room where the +most important members of the faculty are gathered. They sit about +you in a semicircle and for hours they hurl questions at you, not +necessarily questions relating to anything you have studied, but +inquiries to test your general intelligence. It's a fearful +experience."</p> +<p>She sank on her unmade cot, drawing a ragged sweater about her +shoulders, and looked up at Kate with an almost furtive gaze. She +always had been a small, meagre creature, but now she seemed +positively shriveled. The pride and plenitude of womanhood were as +far from her realization as they could be from a daughter of Eve. +Sexless, stranded, broken before an undertaking too great for her, +she sat there in the throes of a sudden, nervous chill. Then, after +a moment or two, she began to weep and was rent and torn with long, +shuddering sobs.</p> +<p>"I'm so afraid," she moaned. "Oh, Kate, I'm so terribly, +terribly afraid! I know I'll fail."</p> +<p>Kate strangled down, "The best thing that could happen to you"; +and said instead, "You aren't going about the thing in the best way +to succeed."</p> +<p>"I've done all I could," moaned her friend. "I've only allowed +myself four hours a night for sleep; and have hardly taken out time +for meals. I've concentrated as it seems to me no one ever +concentrated before."</p> +<p>"Oh, Lena, Lena!" Kate cried compassionately. "Can it really be +that you have so little sense, after all? Oh, you poor little +drowned rat, you." She bent over her, pulled the worn slippers from +her feet, and thrust her beneath the covers.</p> +<p>"No, no!" protested Lena. "You mustn't, Kate! I've got to get at +my books."</p> +<p>"Say another word and I'll throw them out of the window," cried +Kate, really aroused. "Lie down there."</p> +<p>Lena began again to sob, but this time with helpless anger, for +Kate looked like a grenadier as she towered there in the small room +and it was easy to see that she meant to be obeyed. She explored +Lena's cupboard for supplies, and found, after some searching, a +can of soup and the inevitable crackers. She heated the soup, +toasted the crackers, and forced Lena to eat. Then she extinguished +the lamp, with its poisonous odor, and, wrapping herself in her +cloak threw open the window and sat in the gloom, softly chatting +about this and that. Lena made no coherent answers. She lay in +sullen torment, casting tearful glances at her benevolent +oppressor.</p> +<p>But Kate had set her will to conquer that of her friend and +Lena's hysteric opposition was no match for it. Little by little +the tense form beneath the blankets relaxed. Her stormily drawn +breath became more even. At last she slept, which gave Kate an +opportunity to slip out to buy a new tube for the lamp and adjust +it properly. She felt quite safe in lighting it, for Lena lay in +complete exhaustion, and she took the liberty of looking over the +clothes which were bundled into an improvised closet on the back of +the door. Everything was in wretched condition. Buttons and hooks +were lacking; a heap of darning lay untouched; Lena's veil, with +which she attempted to hide the ruin of her hat, was crumpled into +the semblance of a rain-soaked cobweb; and her shoes had gone long +without the reassurance of a good blacking.</p> +<p>Kate put some irons over the stove which served Lena as a +cooking-range, and proceeded on a campaign of reconstruction. It +was midnight when she finished, and she was weary and heartsick. +The little, strained face on the pillow seemed to belong to one +whom the furies were pursuing. Yet nothing was pursuing her save +her own fanatical desire for a thing which, once obtained, would +avail her nothing. She had not personality enough to meet life on +terms which would allow her one iota of leadership. She was +discountenanced by her inherent drabness: beaten by the limits of +her capacity. When Kate had ordered the room,--scrupulously +refraining from touching any of Lena's papers,--she opened the +window and, putting the catch on the door, closed it softly behind +her.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Kate's frequent visits to Lena, though brief, were none too +welcome. Even the food she brought with her might better, in Lena's +estimation, be dispensed with than that the all-absorbing reading +and research should be interrupted. Finally Kate called one night +to find Lena gone. She had taken her trunk and oil-stove and the +overworked gas-lamp and had stolen away. To ferret her out would +have been inexcusable.</p> +<p>"It shows how changed she is," Kate said to Honora. "Fancy the +old-time Lena hiding from me!"</p> +<p>"You must think of her as having a run of fever, Kate. Whatever +she does must be regarded as simply symptomatic," said Honora, +understandingly. "She's really half-mad. David says the graduates +are often like that--the feminine ones."</p> +<p>Kate tried to look at it in a philosophic way, but her heart +yearned and ached over the poor, infatuated fugitive. The February +convocation was drawing near, and with it Lena's dreaded day of +examination. The night before its occurrence, the conversation at +the Caravansary turned to the candidates for the honors.</p> +<p>"There are some who meet the quiz gallantly enough," David +Fulham remarked. "But the majority certainly come like galley +slaves scourged to their dungeon. Some of them would move a heart +of stone with their sufferings. Honora, why don't you and Miss +Barrington look up your friend Miss Vroom once more? She's probably +needing you pretty badly."</p> +<p>"I don't mind being a special officer, Mr. Fulham," said Kate, +"and it's my pride and pleasure to make child-beaters tremble and +to arrest brawny fathers,--I make rather a specialty of six-foot +ones,--but really I'm timid about going to Lena's again. She has +given me to understand that she doesn't want me around, and I'm not +enough of a pachyderm to get in the way of her arrows again."</p> +<p>But David Fulham couldn't take that view of it.</p> +<p>"She's not sane," he declared. "Couldn't be after such a course +as she's been putting herself through. She needs help."</p> +<p>However, neither Kate nor Honora ventured to offer it. They +spent the evening together in Honora's drawing-room. The hours +passed more rapidly than they realized, and at midnight David came +stamping in. His face was white.</p> +<p>"You haven't been to the laboratory, David?" reproached his +wife. "Really, you mustn't. I thought it was agreed between us that +we'd act like civilized householders in the evening." She was +regarding him with an expression of affectionate reproof.</p> +<p>"I've been doing laboratory work," he said shortly, "but it +wasn't in the chemical laboratory. Wickersham and I hunted up your +friend--and we found her in a state of collapse."</p> +<p>"No!" cried Kate, starting to her feet.</p> +<p>"I told you, didn't I?" returned David. "Don't I know them, the +geese? We had to break in her door, and there she was sitting at +her study-table, staring at her books and seeing nothing. She +couldn't talk to us--had a temporary attack of severe aphasia, I +suppose. Wickersham said he'd been anxious about her for +weeks--she's been specializing with him, you know."</p> +<p>"What did you do with her?" demanded Honora.</p> +<p>"Bundled her up in her outside garments and dragged her out of +doors between us and made her walk. She could hardly stand at +first. We had to hold her up. But we kept right on hustling her +along, and after a time when the fresh air and exercise had got in +their work, she could find the right word when she tried to speak +to us. Then we took her to a restaurant and ordered a beefsteak and +some other things. She wanted to go back to her room--said she had +more studying to do; but we made it clear to her at last that it +wasn't any use,--that she'd have to stand or fall on what she had. +She promised us she wouldn't look at a book, but would go to bed +and sleep, and anybody who has the hardihood to wish that she wins +her degree may pray for a good night for her."</p> +<p>Honora was looking at her husband with a wide, shining gaze.</p> +<p>"How did you come to go to her, David?" she asked admiringly. +"She wasn't in any of your classes."</p> +<p>"Now, don't try to make out that I'm benevolent, Honora," Fulham +said petulantly. "I went because I happened to meet Wickersham on +the Midway. She's been hiding, but he had searched her out and +appealed to me to go with him. What I did was at his request."</p> +<p>"But she'll be refreshed in the morning," said Honora. "She'll +come out all right, won't she?"</p> +<p>"How do I know?" demanded Fulham. "I suppose she'll feel like a +man going to execution when she enters that council-room. Maybe +she'll stand up to it and maybe she'll not. She'll spend as much +nervous energy on the experience as would carry her through months +of sane, reasonable living in the place she ought to be in--that is +to say, in a millinery store or some plain man's kitchen."</p> +<p>"Oh, David!" said Honora with gentle wifely reproach.</p> +<p>But Fulham was making no apologies.</p> +<p>"If we men ill-treated women as they ill-treat themselves," he +said, "we'd be called brutes of the worst sort."</p> +<p>"Of course!" cried Kate. "A person may have some right to +ill-treat himself, but he never has any right to ill-treat +another."</p> +<p>"If we hitched her up to a plough," went on Fulham, not heeding, +"we shouldn't be overtaxing her physical strength any more than she +overtaxes her mental strength when she tries--the ordinary woman, I +mean, like Miss Vroom--to keep up to the pace set by men of +first-rate caliber."</p> +<p>He went up to bed on this, still disturbed, and Honora and Kate, +much depressed, talked the matter over. But they reached no +conclusion. They wanted to go around the next morning and help +Lena,--get her breakfast and see that she was properly +dressed,--but they knew they would be unwelcome. Later they heard +that she had come through the ordeal after a fashion. She had given +indications of tremendous research. But her eyes, Wickersham told +Kate privately, looked like diseased oysters, and it was easy to +see that she was on the point of collapse.</p> +<p>Kate saw nothing of her until the day of convocation, though she +tried several times to get into communication with her. There must +have been quite two hundred figures in the line that wound before +the President and the other dignitaries to receive their diplomas; +and the great hall was thronged with interested spectators. Kate +could have thrilled with pride of her <i>alma mater</i> had not her +heart been torn with sympathy for her friend whose emaciated figure +looked more pathetic than ever before. Now and then a spasmodic +movement shook her, causing her head to quiver like one with the +palsy and her hands to make futile gestures. And although she was +the most touching and the least joyous of those who went forward to +victory, she was not, after all, so very exceptional.</p> +<p>Kate could not help noticing how jaded and how spent were many +of the candidates for the higher degrees. They seemed to move in a +tense dream, their eyes turning neither to right nor left, and the +whole of them bent on the one idea of their dear achievement. +Although there were some stirring figures among them,--men and +women who seemed to have come into the noble heritage which had +been awaiting them,--there were more who looked depleted and unfit. +It grew on Kate, how superfluous scholarship was when superimposed +on a feeble personality. The colleges could not make a man, try as +they might. They could add to the capacity of an endowed and +adventurous individual, but for the inept, the diffident, their +learning availed nothing. They could cram bewildered heads with +facts and theories, but they could not hold the mediocre back from +their inevitable anticlimax.</p> +<p>"A learned derelict is no better than any other kind," mused +Kate compassionately. She resolved that now, at last, she would +command Lena's obedience. She would compel her to take a +vacation,--would find out what kind of a future she had planned. +She would surround her with small, friendly offices; would help her +to fit herself out in new garments, and would talk over ways and +means with her.</p> +<p>She went the next day to the room where Lena's compassionate +professors had found her that night of dread and terror before her +examination. But she had disappeared again, and the landlady could +give no information concerning her.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="IX"></a>IX</h2> +<br> +<p>The day was set. Marna was to sing. It seemed to the little +group of friends as if the whole city palpitated with the fact. At +any rate, the Caravansary did so. They talked of little else, and +Mary Morrison wept for envy. Not that it was mean envy. Her weeping +was a sort of tribute, and Marna felt it to be so.</p> +<p>"You're going to be wonderful," Mary sobbed. "The rest of us are +merely young, or just women, or men. We can't be anything more no +matter how hard we try, though we keep feeling as if we were +something more. But you're going to SING! Oh, Marna!"</p> +<p>Time wore on, and Marna grew hectic with anticipation. Her lips +were too red, her breath came too quickly; she intensified herself; +and she practiced her quivering, fitful, passionate songs with +religious devotion. So many things centered around the girl that it +was no wonder that she began to feel a disproportionate sense of +responsibility. All of her friends were taking it for granted that +she would make a success.</p> +<p>Mrs. Barsaloux was giving a supper at the Blackstone after the +performance. The opera people were coming and a number of other +distinguished ones; and Marna was having a frock made of the color +of a gold-of-Ophir rose satin which was to clothe her like +sunshine. Honora brought out a necklace of yellow opals whimsically +fashioned.</p> +<p>"I no longer use such things, child," she said with a touch of +emotion. "And I want you to wear them with your yellow dress."</p> +<p>"Why, they're like drops of water with the sun in them!" cried +Marna. "How good you all are to me! I can't imagine why."</p> +<p>When the great night came, the audience left something to be +desired, both as to numbers and fashion. Although Marna's +appearance had been well advertised, it was evident that the public +preferred to listen to the great stars. But the house was full +enough and enthusiastic enough to awaken in the little Irish girl's +breast that form of elation which masks as self-obliteration, and +which is the fuel that feeds the fires of art.</p> +<p>Kate had gone with the Fulhams and they, with Blue-eyed Mary and +Dr. von Shierbrand, sat together in the box which Mrs. Barsaloux +had given them, and where, from time to time, she joined them. But +chiefly she hovered around Marna in that dim vast world back of the +curtain.</p> +<p>They said of Marna afterward that she was like a spirit. She +seemed less and more than a woman, an evanescent essence of +feminine delight. Her laughter, her tears, her swift emotions were +all as something held for a moment before the eye and snatched +away, to leave but the wavering eidolon of their loveliness. She +sang with a young Italian who responded exquisitely to the swift, +bright, unsubstantial beauty of her acting, and whom she seemed +fairly to bathe in the amber loveliness of her voice.</p> +<p>Kate, quivering for her, seeming indefinably to be a part of +her, suffering at the hesitancies of the audience and shaken with +their approval, was glad when it was all over. She hastened out to +be with the crowd and to hear what they were saying. They were warm +in their praise, but Kate was dissatisfied. She longed for +something more emphatic--some excess of acclaim. She wondered if +they were waiting for more authoritative audiences to set the stamp +of approval on Marna. It did not occur to her that they had found +the performance too opalescent and elusive.</p> +<p>Kate wondered if the girl would feel that anything had been +missing, but Marna seemed to be basking in the happiness of the +hour. The great German prima donna had kissed her with tears in her +eyes; the French baritone had spoken his compliments with +convincing ardor; dozens had crowded about her with +congratulations; and now, at the head of the glittering table in an +opulent room, the little descendant of minstrels sat and smiled +upon her friends. A gilded crown of laurel leaves rested on her +dark hair; her white neck arose delicately from the yellowed lace +and the shining silk; the sunny opals rested upon her +shoulders.</p> +<p>"I drink," cried the French baritone, "to a voice of honey and +an ivory throat."</p> +<p>"To a great career," supplemented David Fulham.</p> +<p>"And happiness," Kate broke in, standing with the others and +forgetting to be abashed by the presence of so many. Then she +called to Marna:--</p> +<p>"I was afraid they would leave out happiness."</p> +<p>Kate might have been the belated fairy godmother who brought +this gift in the nick of time. Those at the table smiled at her +indulgently,--she was so eager, so young, so almost fierce. She had +dressed herself in white without frill or decoration, and the +clinging folds of her gown draped her like a slender, chaste +statue. She wore no jewels,--she had none, indeed,--and her dark +coiled hair in no way disguised the shape of her fine head. The +elaborate Polish contralto across from her, splendid as a mediaeval +queen, threw Kate's simplicity into sharp contrast. Marna turned +adoring eyes upon her; Mrs. Barsaloux, that inveterate encourager +of genius, grieved that the girl had no specialty for her to +foster; the foreigners paid her frank tribute, and there was no +question but that the appraisement upon her that night was +high.</p> +<p>As for Mama's happiness, for which Kate had put in her +stipulation, it was coming post-haste, though by a circuitous +road.</p> +<p>Mrs. Dennison, who had received tickets from Marna, and who had +begged her nephew, George Fitzgerald, to act as her escort, was, in +her fashion, too, wondering about the question of happiness for the +girl. She was an old-fashioned creature, mid-Victorian in her +sincerity. She had kissed one man and one only, and him had she +married, and sorrowing over her childless estate she had become, +when she laid her husband in his grave, "a widow indeed." Her +abundant affection, disused by this accident of fate, had spent +itself in warm friendships, and in her devotion to her dead +sister's child. She had worked for him till the silver came into +her hair; had sent him through his classical course and through the +medical college, and the day when she saw him win his title of +doctor of medicine was the richest one of her middle life.</p> +<p>He sat beside her now, strangely pale and disturbed. The opera, +she was sorry to note, had not interested him as she had expected +it would. He had, oddly enough, been reluctant to accompany her, +and, as she was accustomed to his quick devotion, this distressed +her not a little. Was he growing tired of her? Was he ashamed to be +seen at the opera with a quiet woman in widow's dress, a touch +shabby? Was her much-tired heart to have a last cruel blow dealt +it? Accustomed to rather somber pathways of thought, she could not +escape this one; yet she loyally endeavored to turn from it, and +from time to time she stole a look at the stern, pale face beside +her to discover, if she could, what had robbed him of his good +cheer.</p> +<p>For he had been a happy boy. His high spirits had constituted a +large part of his attraction for her. When he had come to her +orphaned, it had been with warm gratitude in his heart, and with +the expectation of being loved. As he grew older, that policy of +life had become accentuated. He was expectant in all that he did. +His temperamental friendliness had carried him through college, +winning for him a warm group of friends and the genuine regard of +his professors. It was helping him to make his way in the place he +had chosen for his field of action. He had not gone into the more +fashionable part of town, but far over on the West Side, where the +slovenliness of the central part of the city shambles into a +community of parks and boulevards, crude among their young trees +surrounded by neat, self-respecting apartment houses. Such +communities are to be found in all American cities; communities +which set little store by fashion, which prize education (always +providing it does not prove exotic and breed genius or any form of +disturbing beauty), live within their incomes and cultivate the +manifest virtues. The environment suited George Fitzgerald. He had +an honest soul without a bohemian impulse in him. He recognized +himself as being middle-class, and he was proud and glad of it. He +liked to be among people who kept their feet on the earth--people +whose yea was yea and whose nay was nay. What was Celtic in him +could do no more for him than lend a touch of almost flaring +optimism to the Puritan integrity of his character.</p> +<p>Sundays, as a matter of habit, and occasionally on other days, +he was his aunt's guest at the Caravansary. The intellectual +coöperatives there liked him, as indeed everybody did, +everywhere. Invariably Mrs. Dennison was told after his departure +that she was a fortunate woman to have such an adopted son. Yet +Fitzgerald knew very well that he was unable to be completely +himself among his aunt's patrons. Their conversation was too +glancing; they too often said what they did not mean, for mere +conversation's sake; they played with ideas, tossing them about +like juggler's balls; and they attached importance to matters which +seemed to him of little account.</p> +<p>Of late he had been going to his aunt's but seldom, and he had +stayed away because he wanted, above all things in the world, to +go. It had become an agony to go--an anguish to absent himself. +Which being interpreted, means that he was in love. And whom should +he love but Marna? Why should any man trouble himself to love +another woman when this glancing, flashing, singing bird was +winging it through the blue? Were any other lips so tender, so +tremulous, so arched, so sweet? The breath that came between them +was perfumed with health; the little rows of gleaming teeth were +indescribably provocative. Actually, the little red tongue itself +seemed to fold itself upward, at the edges, like a tender leaf. As +for her nostrils, they were delicately flaring like those of some +wood creature, and fashioned for the enjoyment of odorous banquets +undreamed of by duller beings. Her eyes, like pools in shade, +breathing mystery and dreams, got between him and his sleep and +held him intoxicated in his bed.</p> +<p>Yes, that was Marna as she looked to the eye of love. She was +made for one man's love and nothing else, yet she was about to +become the well-loved of the great world! She was not for him--was +not made for a man of his mould. She had flashed from obscurity to +something rich and plenteous, obviously the child of Destiny--a +little princess waiting for her crown. He had not even talked to +her many times, and she had no notion that when she entered the +room he trembled; and that when she spoke to him and turned the +swimming loveliness of her eyes upon him, he had trouble to keep +his own from filling with tears.</p> +<p>And this was the night of her dedication to the world; the world +was seating her upon her throne, acclaiming her coronation. There +was nothing for him but to go on through an interminably long life, +bearing a brave front and hiding his wound.</p> +<p>He loathed the incoherent music; detested the conductor; +despised the orchestra; felt murderous toward the Italian tenor; +and could have slain the man who wrote the opera, since it made his +bright girl a target for praise and blame. He feared his aunt's +scrutiny, for she had sharp perceptions, and he could have endured +anything better than that she should spy upon his sacred pain. So +he sat by her side, passionately solitary amid a crowd and longing +to hide himself from the society of all men.</p> +<p>But he must be distrait, indeed, if he could forget the claim +his good aunt had upon him. He knew how she loved gayety; and her +daily life offered her little save labor and monotony.</p> +<p>"Supper next," he said with forced cheerfulness as they came out +of the opera-house together. "I'll do the ordering. You'll enjoy a +meal for once which is served independently of you."</p> +<p>He tried to talk about this and that as they made their way on +to a glaring below-stairs restaurant, where after-theater folk +gathered. The showy company jarred hideously on Fitzgerald, yet +gave him a chance to save his face by pretending to watch it. He +could tell his aunt who some of the people were, and she would +transfer her curiosity from him to them.</p> +<p>"They'll be having a glorious time at Miss Cartan's supper," +mused Mrs. Dennison. "How she shines, doesn't she, George? And when +you think of her beginnings there on that Wisconsin farm, isn't it +astonishing?"</p> +<p>"Those weren't her beginnings, I fancy," George said, venturing +to taste of discussion concerning her as a brandy-lover may smell a +glass he swears he will not drink. "Her beginnings were very long +ago. She's a Celt, and she has the witchery of the Celts. How I'd +love to hear her recite some of the new Irish poems!"</p> +<p>"She'd do it beautifully, George. She does everything +beautifully. If I'd had a daughter like that, boy, what a different +thing my life would be! Or if you were to give me--"</p> +<p>George clicked his ice sharply in his glass. "See," he said, +"there's Hackett coming in--Hackett the actor. Handsome devil, +isn't he?"</p> +<p>"Don't use that tone, George," said his aunt reprovingly. +"Handsome devil, indeed! He's a good-looking man. Can't you say +that in a proper way? I don't want you to be sporty in your talk, +George. I always tried when you were a little boy to keep you from +talking foolishly."</p> +<p>"Oh, there's no danger of my being foolish," he said. "I'm as +staid and dull as ever you could wish me to be!"</p> +<p>For the first time in her life she found him bitter, but she had +the sense at last to keep silent. His eyes were full of pain, and +as he looked about the crowded room with its suggestions of +indulgent living, she saw something in his face leap to meet +it--something that seemed to repudiate the ideals she had passed on +to him. Involuntarily, Anne Dennison reached out her firm warm hand +and laid it on the quivering one of her boy.</p> +<p>"A new thought has just come to you!" she said softly. "Before +you were through with your boast, lad, your temptation came. I saw +it. Are you lonely, George? Are you wanting something that Aunt +Anne can give you? Won't you speak out to me?"</p> +<p>He drew his hand away from hers.</p> +<p>"No one in the world can give me what I want," he said +painfully. "Forgive me, auntie; and let's talk of other +things."</p> +<p>He had pushed her back into that lonely place where the old +often must stand, and she shivered a little as if a cold wind blew +over her. He saw it and bent toward her contritely.</p> +<p>"You must help me," he said. "I am very unhappy. I suppose +almost everybody has been unhappy like this sometime. Just bear +with me, Aunt Anne, dear, and help me to forget for an hour or +two."</p> +<p>Anne Dennison regarded him understandingly.</p> +<p>"Here comes our lobster," she said, "and while we eat it, I'll +tell you the story of the first time I ever ate at a +restaurant."</p> +<p>He nodded gratefully. After all, while she lived, he could not +be utterly bereft.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="X"></a>X</h2> +<br> +<p>He had taken her home and was leaving, when a carriage passed +him. He could hear the voices of the occupants--the brisk accents +of Mrs. Barsaloux, and the slow, honey-rich tones of Marna. He had +never dreamed that he could do such a thing, but he ran forward +with an almost frantic desire to rest his eyes upon the girl's +face, and he was beside the curb when the carriage drew up at the +door of the house where Mrs. Barsaloux and Marna lodged. He flung +open the door in spite of the protests of the driver, who was not +sure of his right to offer such a service, and held out his hand to +Mrs. Barsaloux. That lady accepted his politeness graciously, and, +weary and abstracted, moved at once toward the house-steps, +searching meantime for her key. Fitzgerald had fifteen seconds +alone with Marna. She stood half-poised upon the carriage-steps, +her hand in his, their eyes almost on a level. Then he said an +impossible and insane thing. It was wrung out of his misery, out of +his knowledge of her loveliness.</p> +<p>"I've lost you!" he whispered. "Do you know that to-night ended +my happiness?"</p> +<p>Mama's lips parted delicately; her eyes widened; her swift +Celtic spirit encompassed his grief.</p> +<p>"Oh!" she breathed. "Don't speak so! Don't spoil my beautiful +time!"</p> +<p>"Not I," he retorted sharply, speaking aloud this time. "Far be +it from me! Good-bye."</p> +<p>Mrs. Barsaloux heard him vaguely above the jangling of coins and +keys and the rushing of a distant train.</p> +<p>"You're not going to leave town, are you, Dr. Fitzgerald?" she +inquired casually. "I thought your good-bye had a final accent to +it."</p> +<p>She was laughing in her easy way, quite unconscious of what was +taking place. She had made an art of laughing, and it carried her +and others over many difficult places. But for once it was +powerless to lessen the emotional strain. Mysteriously, Fitzgerald +and Marna were experiencing a sweet torment in their parting. It +was not that she loved him or had thought of him in that way at +all. She had seen him often and had liked his hearty ways, his gay +spirits, and his fine upstanding figure, but he had been as one who +passed by with salutations. Now, suddenly, she was conscious that +he was a man to be desired. She saw his wistful eyes, his avid +lips, his great shoulders. The woman in her awoke to a knowledge of +her needs. Upon such a shoulder might a woman weep, from such eyes +might a woman gather dreams; to allay such torment as his might a +woman give all she had to give. It was incoherent, mad, but not +unmeaning. It had, indeed, the ultimate meaning.</p> +<p>He said nothing more; she spoke no word. Each knew they would +meet on the morrow.</p> +<p>The next night, Kate Barrington, making her way swiftly down the +Midway in a misty gloom, saw the little figure of Marna Cartan +fluttering before her. It was too early for dinner, and Kate +guessed that Marna was on her way to pay her a visit--a not rare +occurrence these last few weeks. She called to her, and Marna +waited, turning her face for a moment to the mist-bearing wind.</p> +<p>"I was going to you," she said breathlessly.</p> +<p>"So I imagined, bright one."</p> +<p>"Are you tired, Kate, mavourneen?"</p> +<p>"A little. It's been a hard day. I don't see why my heart isn't +broken, considering the things I see and hear, Marna! I don't so +much mind about the grown-ups. If they succeed in making a mess of +things, why, they can take the consequences. But the +kiddies--they're the ones that torment me. Try as I can to harden +myself, and to say that after I've done my utmost my responsibility +ends, I can't get them off my mind. But what's on <i>your</i> mind, +bright one?"</p> +<p>"Oh, Kate, so much! But wait till we get to the house. It's not +a thing to shriek out here on the street."</p> +<p>The wind swept around the corner, buffeting them, and Kate drew +Marna's arm in her own and fairly bore the little creature along +with her. They entered the silent house, groped through the +darkened hall and up the stairs to Kate's own room.</p> +<p>"Honora isn't home, I fancy," she said, in apology for the +pervading desolation. "She stays late at the laboratory these +nights. She says she's on the verge of a wonderful discovery. It's +something she and David have been working out together, but she's +been making some experiments in secret, with which she means to +surprise David. Of course she'll give all the credit to him--that's +her policy. She's his helpmate, she says, nothing more."</p> +<p>"But the babies?" asked Marna with that naïveté +characteristic of her. "Where are they?"</p> +<p>"Up in the nursery at the top of the house. It will be light and +warm there, I think. Honora had a fireplace put in so that it would +be cheerful. I always feel sure it's pleasant up there, however +forbidding the rest of the house may look."</p> +<p>"Mary has made a great difference with it since she came, hasn't +she? Of course Honora couldn't do the wonderful things she's doing +and be fussing around the house all the time. Still, she might +train her servants, mightn't she?"</p> +<p>"Well, there aren't really any to train," said Kate. "There's +Mrs. Hays, the nurse, a very good woman, but as we take our meals +out, and are all so independent, there's no one else required, +except occasionally. Honora wouldn't think of such an extravagance +as a parlor maid. We're a community of working folk, you see."</p> +<p>Marna had been lighting the candles which Kate usually kept for +company; and, moreover, since there was kindling at hand, she laid +a fire and touched a match to it.</p> +<p>"I must have it look homey, Kate--for reasons."</p> +<p>"Do whatever it suits you to do, child."</p> +<p>"But can I tell you what it suits me to do, Kate?"</p> +<p>"How do I know? Are you referring to visible things or talking +in parables? There's something very eerie about you to-night, +Marna. Your eyes look phosphorescent. What's been happening to you? +Is it the glory of last night that's over you yet?"</p> +<p>"No, not that. It's--it's a new glory, Kate."</p> +<p>"A new glory, is it? Since last night? Tell me, then."</p> +<p>Kate flung her long body into a Morris chair and prepared to +listen. Marna looked about her as if seeking a chair to satisfy her +whim, and, finding none, sank upon the floor before the blaze. She +leaned back, resting on one slight arm, and turned her +dream-haunted face glowing amid its dark maze of hair, till her +eyes could hold those of her friend.</p> +<p>"Oh, Kate!" she breathed, and made her great confession in those +two words.</p> +<p>"A man!" cried Kate, alarmed. "Now!"</p> +<p>"Now! Last night. And to-day. It was like lightning out of a +clear sky. I've seen him often, and now I remember it always warmed +me to see him, and made me feel that I wasn't alone. For a long +time, I believe, I've been counting him in, and being happier +because he was near. But I didn't realize it at all--till last +night."</p> +<p>"You saw him after the opera?"</p> +<p>"Only for half a minute, at the door of my house. We only said a +word or two. He whispered he had lost me--that I had killed him. +Oh, I don't remember what he said. But we looked straight at each +other. I didn't sleep all night, and when I lay awake I tried to +think of the wonderful fact that I had made my debut, and that it +wasn't a failure, at any rate. But I couldn't think about that, or +about my career. I couldn't hold to anything but the look in his +eyes and the fact that I was to see him to-day. Not that he said +so. But we both knew. Why, we couldn't have lived if we hadn't seen +each other to-day."</p> +<p>"And you did?"</p> +<p>"Oh, we did. He called me up on the telephone about two o'clock, +and said he had waited as long as he could, and that he'd been +walking the floor, not daring to ring till he was sure that I'd +rested enough after last night. So I told him to come, and he must +have been just around the corner, for he was there in a minute. I +wanted him to come in and sit down, but he said he didn't believe a +house could hold such audacity as his. So we went out on the +street. It was cold and bleak. The Midway was a long, gray +blankness. I felt afraid of it, actually. All the world looked +forbidding to me--except just the little place where I walked with +him. It was as if there were a little warm beautiful radius in +which we could keep together, and live for each other, and comfort +each other, and keep harm away."</p> +<p>"Oh, Marna! And you, with a career before you! What do you mean +to do?"</p> +<p>"I don't know what to do. We don't either of us know what to do. +He says he'll go mad with me on the stage, wearing myself out, the +object of the jealousy of other women and of love-making from the +men. He--says it's a profanation. I tried to tell him it couldn't +be a profanation to serve art; but, Kate, he didn't seem to know +what I meant. He has such different standards. He wanted to know +what I was going to do when I was old. He said I'd have no real +home, and no haven of love; and that I'd better be the queen of his +home as long as I lived than to rule it a little while there on the +stage and then--be forgotten. Oh, it isn't what he said that +counts. All that sounds flat enough as I repeat it. It's the wonder +of being with some one that loves you like that and of feeling that +there are two of you who belong--"</p> +<p>"How do you know you belong?" asked Kate with sharp good sense. +"Why, bright one, you've been swept off your feet by mere--forgive +me--by mere sex."</p> +<p>That glint of the eyes which Kate called Celtic flashed from +Marna.</p> +<p>"Mere sex!" she repeated. "Mere sex! You're not trying to +belittle that, are you? Why, Kate, that's the beginning and the end +of things. What I've always liked about you is that you look big +facts in the face and aren't afraid of truth. Sex! Why, that's home +and happiness and all a woman really cares for, isn't it?"</p> +<p>"No, it isn't all she cares for," declared Kate valiantly. "She +cares for a great many other things. And when I said mere sex I was +trying to put it politely. Is it really home and lifelong devotion +that you two are thinking about, or are you just drunk with youth +and--well, with infatuation?"</p> +<p>Marna turned from her to the fire.</p> +<p>"Kate," she said, "I don't know what you call it, but when I +looked in his eyes I felt as if I had just seen the world for the +first time. I have liked to live, of course, and to study, and it +was tremendously stirring, singing there before all those people. +But, honestly, I can see it would lead nowhere. A few years of +faint celebrity, an empty heart, a homeless life--then weariness. +Oh, I know it. I have a trick of seeing things. Oh, he's the man +for me, Kate. I realized it the moment he pointed it out. We could +not be mistaken. I shall love him forever and he'll love me just as +I love him."</p> +<p>"By the way," said Kate, "who is he? Someone from the opera +company?"</p> +<p>"Who is he? Why, he's George Fitzgerald, of course."</p> +<p>"Mrs. Dennison's nephew?"</p> +<p>"Certainly. Who else should it be?"</p> +<p>"Why, he's a pleasant enough young man--very cheerful and quite +intelligent--but, Marna--"</p> +<p>Marna leaped to her feet.</p> +<p>"You're not in a position to pass judgment upon him, Kate. How +can you know what a wonderful soul he has? Why, there's no one so +brave, or so humble, or so sweet, or with such a worship for +women--"</p> +<p>"For you, you mean."</p> +<p>"Of course I mean for me. You don't suppose I'd endure it to +have him worshiping anybody else, do you? Oh, it's no use +protesting. I only hope that Mrs. Barsaloux won't."</p> +<p>"Yes, doesn't that give you pause? Think of all Mrs. Barsaloux +has done for you; and she did it with the understanding that you +were to go on the stage. She was going to get her reward in the +contribution you made to art."</p> +<p>Marna burst into rippling laughter.</p> +<p>"I'll give her something better than art, Kate Crosspatch. I'll +give her a home--and I'll name my first girl after her."</p> +<p>"Marna!" gasped Kate. "You do go pretty fast for a little +thing."</p> +<p>"Oh, I'm Irish," laughed Marna. "We Irish are a very old people. +We always knew that if you loved a man, you had to have him or die, +and that if you had him, you'd love to see the look of him coming +out in your sons and daughters."</p> +<p>Suddenly the look of almost infantile blitheness left her face. +The sadness which is inherent in the Irish countenance spread over +it, like sudden mist over a landscape. The ancient brooding aspect +of the Celts was upon her.</p> +<p>"Yes," she repeated, "we Irish are very old, and there is +nothing about life--or death--that we do not know."</p> +<p>Kate was not quite sure what she meant, but with a sudden +impulse she held out her arms to the girl, who, with a low cry, +fled to them. Then her bright bravery melted in a torrent of +tears.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XI"></a>XI</h2> +<br> +<p>They had met like flame and wind. It was irrational and +wonderful and conclusive. But after all, it might not have come to +quite so swift a climax if Marna, following Kate's advice, had not +confided the whole thing to Mrs. Barsaloux.</p> +<p>Now, Mrs. Barsaloux was a kind woman, and one with plenty of +sentiment in her composition. But she believed that there were +times when Love should not be given the lead. Naturally, it seemed +to her that this was one of them. She had spent much money upon the +education of this girl whom she had "assumed," as Marna sometimes +playfully put it. Nothing but her large, active, and perhaps +interfering benevolence and Mama's winning and inexplicable charm +held the two together, and the very slightness of their +relationship placed them under peculiar obligations to each +other.</p> +<p>"It's ungrateful of you," Mrs. Barsaloux explained, "manifestly +ungrateful! It's your rôle to love nothing but your career." +She was not stern, merely argumentative.</p> +<p>"But didn't you expect me ever to love any one?" queried +Marna.</p> +<p>Mrs. Barsaloux contemplated a face and figure made for love from +the beginning, and delicately ripened for it, like a peach in the +sun.</p> +<p>"But you could have waited, my dear girl. There's time for both +the love and the career."</p> +<p>Marna shook her head slowly.</p> +<p>"George says there isn't," she answered with an irritating +sweetness. "He says I'm not to go on the stage at all. He +says--"</p> +<p>"Don't 'he says' me like that, Marna," cried her friend. "It +sounds too unutterably silly. Here you are with a beautiful +talent--every one agrees about that--and a chance to develop it. +I've made many sacrifices to give you that chance. Very well; +you've had your trial before the public. You've made good. You +could repay yourself and me for all that has been involved in your +development, and you meet a man and come smiling to me and say that +we're to throw the whole thing over because 'he says' to."</p> +<p>Marna made no answer at all, but Mrs. Barsaloux saw her settle +down in the deep chair in which she was sitting as if to huddle +away from the storm about to break over her.</p> +<p>"She isn't going to offer any resistance," thought the +distressed patron with dismay. "Her mind is completely made up and +she's just crouching down to wait till I'm through with my private +little hurricane."</p> +<p>So, indeed, it proved. Mrs. Barsaloux felt she had the right to +say much, and she said it. Marna may or may not have listened. She +sat shivering and smiling in her chair, and when it was fit for her +to excuse herself, she did, and walked out bravely; but Mrs. +Barsaloux noticed that she tottered a little as she reached the +door. She did not go to her aid, however.</p> +<p>"It's an infatuation," she concluded. "I must treat her as if +she had a violent disease and take care of her. When people are +delirious they must be protected against themselves. It's a +delirium with her, and the best thing I can do is to run off to New +York with her. She can make her next appearance when the opera +company gets there. I'll arrange it this afternoon."</p> +<p>She refrained from telling Marna of her plans, but she went +straight to the city and talked over the situation with her friend +the impresario. He seemed anything but depressed. On the contrary, +he was excited--even exalted.</p> +<p>"Spirit her away, madam," he advised. "Of course she will miss +her lover horribly, and that will be the best thing that can happen +to her. Why did not the public rise to her the other night? Not +because she could not sing: far from it. If a nightingale sings, +then Miss Cartan does. But she left her audience a little cold. Let +us face the facts. You saw it. We all saw it. And why? Because she +was too happy, madam; too complaisant; too uninstructed in the +emotions. Now it will be different. We will take her away; we will +be patient with her while she suffers; afterward she will bless us, +for she will have discovered the secret of the artist, and then +when she opens her little silver throat we shall have SONG."</p> +<p>Mrs. Barsaloux, with many compunctions, and with some pangs of +pure motherly sympathy, nevertheless agreed.</p> +<p>"If only he had been a man above the average," she said, as she +tearfully parted from the great man, "perhaps it would not have +mattered so much."</p> +<p>The impresario lifted his eyebrows and his mustaches at the same +time and assumed the aspect of a benevolent Mephistopheles.</p> +<p>"The variety of man, madam," he said sententiously, "makes no +manner of difference. It is the tumult in Miss Marna's soul which I +hope we shall be able to utilize"--he interrupted himself with a +smile and a bow as he opened the door for his departing +friend--"for the purposes of art."</p> +<p>Mrs. Barsaloux sat in the middle of her taxi seat all the way +home, and saw neither street, edifice, nor human being. She was +looking back into her own busy, confused, and frustrated life, and +was remembering certain things which she had believed were buried +deep. Her heart misgave her horribly. Yet to hand over this bright +singing bird, so exquisite, so rare, so fitted for purposes of +exposition, to the keeping of a mere male being of unfortunate +contiguity, to permit him to carry her into the seclusion of an +ordinary home to wait on him and regulate her life according to his +whim, was really too fantastic for consideration. So she put her +memories and her tendernesses out of sight and walked up the stairs +with purpose in her tread.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>She meant to "have it out" with the girl, who was, she believed, +reasonable enough after all.</p> +<p>"She's been without her mother for so long," she mused, "that +it's no wonder she's lacking in self-control. I must have the +firmness that a mother would have toward her. It would be the +height of cruelty to let her have her own way in this."</p> +<p>If the two could have met at that moment, it would have changed +the course of both their lives. But a trifle had intervened. Marna +Cartan had gone walking; and she never came back. Only, the next +day, radiantly beautiful, with fresh flowers in her hands, Marna +Fitzgerald came running in begging to be forgiven. She tried to +carry the situation with her impetuosity. She was laughing, crying, +pleading. She got close to her old friend as if she would enwrap +her in her influence. She had the veritable aspect of the bride. +Whatever others might think regarding her lost career, it was +evident that she believed the great hour had just struck for her. +Her husband was with her.</p> +<p>"Haven't you any apology to make, sir?" poor Mrs. Barsaloux +cried to him. He looked matter-of-fact, she thought, and as if he +ought to be able to take a reasonable view of things. But she had +misjudged. Perhaps it was his plain, everyday, commercial garments +which deceived her and made her think him open to week-day +arguments; for at that moment he was really a knight of romance, +and at Mrs. Barsaloux's question his eyes gleamed with unsuspected +fires.</p> +<p>"Who could be so foolish as to apologize for happiness like +ours?" he demanded.</p> +<p>"Aren't you going to forgive us, dear?" pleaded Marna.</p> +<p>But Mrs. Barsaloux couldn't quite stand that.</p> +<p>"You sound like an old English comedy, Marna," she said +impatiently. "You're of age; I'm no relation to you; you've a +perfect right to be married. Better take advantage of being here to +pack your things. You'll need them."</p> +<p>"You mean that I'm not expected to come here again, +<i>tante</i>?"</p> +<p>"I shall sail for France in a week," said Mrs. Barsaloux +wearily.</p> +<p>"For France, <i>tante</i>? When did you decide?"</p> +<p>"This minute," said the lady, and gave the married lovers to +understand that the interview was at an end.</p> +<p>Marna went weeping down the street, holding on to her George's +arm.</p> +<p>"If she'd been Irish, she'd have cursed me," she sobbed, "and +then I'd have had something to go on, so to speak. Perhaps I could +have got her to take it off me in time. But what are you going to +do with a snubbing like that?"</p> +<p>"Oh, leave it for the Arctic explorers to explain. They're used +to being in below-zero temperature," George said with a troubled +laugh. "I'm sure I can't waste any time thinking about a woman who +could stand out against you, Marna, the way you are this day, and +the way you're looking."</p> +<p>"But, George, she thinks I'm a monster."</p> +<p>"Then there's something wrong with her zoology. You're an--"</p> +<p>"Don't call me an angel, dear, whatever you do! There are some +things I hate to be called--they're so insipid. If any one called +me an angel I'd know he didn't appreciate me. Come, let's go to +Kate's. She's my court of last appeal. If Kate can't forgive me, +I'll know I've done wrong."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Kate was never to forget that night. She had come in from a day +of difficult and sordid work. For once, the purpose back of all her +toil among the people there in the great mill town was lost sight +of in the sheer repulsiveness of the tasks she had had to perform. +The pathos of their temptations, the terrific disadvantages under +which they labored, their gray tragedies, had some way lost their +import. She was merely a dreadfully fagged woman, disgusted with +evil, with dirt and poverty. She was at outs with her world and +impatient with the suffering involved in the mere living of +life.</p> +<p>Moreover, when she had come into the house, she had found it +dark as usual. The furnace was down, and her own room was cold. But +she had set her teeth together, determined not to give way to +depression, and had made her rather severe toilet for dinner when +word was brought to her by the children's nurse that Dr. and Mrs. +Fitzgerald desired to see her. For a moment she could not +comprehend what that might mean; then the truth assailed her, took +her by the hand, and ran her down the stairs into Mama's arms.</p> +<p>"But it's outrageous," she cried, hugging Marna to her. "How +could you be so willful?"</p> +<p>"It's glorious," retorted Marna. "And if I ever was going to be +willful, now's the time."</p> +<p>"Right you are," broke in George. "What does Stevenson say about +that? 'Youth is the time to be up and doing.' You're not going to +be severe with us, Miss Barrington? We've been counting on +you."</p> +<p>"Have you?" inquired Kate, putting Marna aside and taking her +husband by the hand. "Well, you are your own justification, you +two. But haven't you been ungrateful?"</p> +<p>Marna startled her by a bit of Dionysian philosophy.</p> +<p>"Is it ungrateful to be happy?" she demanded. "Would anybody +have been in the right who asked us to be unhappy? Why don't you +call us brave? Do you imagine it isn't difficult to have people we +love disapproving of us? But you know yourself, Kate, if we'd +waited forty-eight hours, I'd have been dragged off to live with my +career."</p> +<p>She laughed brightly, sinking back in her chair and throwing +wide her coat. Kate looked at her appraisingly, and warmed in the +doing of it.</p> +<p>"You don't look as if you were devoted to a career, she +admitted.</p> +<p>"Oh," sighed Fitzgerald, "I only just barely got her in +time!"</p> +<p>"And now what do you propose doing?"</p> +<p>"Why, to-morrow we shall look for a place to live--for a +home."</p> +<p>"Do you mean a flat?" asked Kate with a flick of satire.</p> +<p>"A flat, or anything. It doesn't matter much what."</p> +<p>"Or where?"</p> +<p>"It will be on the West Side," said the matter-of-fact +Fitzgerald.</p> +<p>"And who'll keep house for you? Must you find servants?"</p> +<p>"Why, Kate, we're dreadfully poor," cried Marna excitedly, as if +poverty were a mere adventure. "Didn't you know that? I shall do my +own work."</p> +<p>"Oh, we've both got to work," added Fitzgerald.</p> +<p>He didn't say he was sorry Marna had to slave with her little +white hands, or that he realized that he was doing a bold--perhaps +an impious--thing in snatching a woman from her service to art to +go into service for him. Evidently he didn't think that way. +Neither minded any sacrifice apparently. The whole of it was, they +were together. Suddenly, they seemed to forget Kate. They stood +gazing at each other as if their sense of possession overwhelmed +them. Kate felt something like angry resentment stir in her. How +dared they, when she was so alone, so weary, so homeless?</p> +<p>"Will you stay to dinner with me?" she asked with something like +asperity.</p> +<p>"To dinner?" they murmured in vague chorus. "No, thanks."</p> +<p>"But where do you intend to have dinner?"</p> +<p>"We--we haven't thought," confessed Marna.</p> +<p>"Oh, anywhere," declared Fitzgerald.</p> +<p>Marna rose and her husband buttoned her coat about her.</p> +<p>They smiled at Kate seraphically, and she saw that they wanted +to be alone, and that it made little difference to them whether +they were sitting in a warm room or walking the windy streets. She +kissed them both, with tears, and said:--</p> +<p>"God bless you."</p> +<p>That seemed to be what they wanted. They longed to be +blessed.</p> +<p>"That's what Aunt Dennison said," smiled Fitzgerald.</p> +<p>Then Kate realized that now the exotic Marna would be calling +the completely domesticated Mrs. Dennison "aunt." But Marna looked +as if she liked that, too. It was their hour for liking everything. +As Kate opened the outer door for them, the blast struck through +her, but the lovers, laughing, ran down the stairs together. They +were, in their way, outcasts; they were poor; the future might hold +bitter disillusion. But now, borne by the sharp wind, their +laughter drifted back like a song.</p> +<p>Kate wrapped her old coat about her and made her solitary way to +Mrs. Dennison's depressed Caravansary.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XII"></a>XII</h2> +<br> +<p>There was no question about it. Life was supplying Kate +Barrington with a valuable amount of "data." On every hand the +emergent or the reactionary woman offered herself for observation, +although to say that Kate was able to take a detached and objective +view of it would be going altogether too far. The truth was, she +threw herself into every friend's trouble, and she counted as +friends all who turned to her, or all whom she was called upon to +serve.</p> +<p>A fortnight after Mama's marriage, an interesting episode came +Kate's way. Mrs. Barsaloux had introduced to the Caravansary a Mrs. +Leger whom she had once met on the steamer on her way to Brindisi, +and she had invited her to join her during a stay in Chicago. Mrs. +Barsaloux, however, having gone off to France in a hot fit of +indignation, Mrs. Leger presented herself with a letter from Mrs. +Barsaloux to Mrs. Dennison. That hospitable woman consented to take +in the somewhat enigmatic stranger.</p> +<p>That she was enigmatic all were quick to perceive. She was +beautiful, with a delicate, high-bred grace, and she had the manner +of a woman who had been courted and flattered. As consciously +beautiful as Mary Morrison, she bore herself with more discretion. +Taste governed all that she said and did. Her gowns, her jewels, +her speech were distinguished. She seemed by all tokens an +accomplished worldling; yet it was not long before Kate discovered +that it was anything but worldly matters which were consuming her +attention.</p> +<p>She had come to Chicago for the purpose of adjusting her +fortune,--a large one, it appeared,--and of concluding her +relations with the world. She had decided to go into a convent, and +had chosen one of those numerous sisterhoods which pass their +devotional days upon the bright hill-slopes without Naples. She +refrained from designating the particular sisterhood, and she +permitted no discussion of her motives. She only said that she had +not been born a Catholic, but had turned to Mother Church when the +other details of life ceased to interest her. She was a widow, but +she seemed to regard her estate with quiet regret merely. If +tragedy had entered her life, it must have been subsequent to +widowhood. She had a son, but it appeared that he had no great need +of her. He was in the care of his paternal grandparents, who were +giving him an education. He was soon to enter Oxford, and she felt +confident that his life would be happy. She was leaving him an +abundance; she had halved her fortune and was giving her share to +the convent.</p> +<p>If she had not been so exquisite, so skilled in the nuances of +life, so swift and elusive in conversation, so well fitted for the +finest forms of enjoyment, her renunciation of liberty would not +have proved so exasperating to Kate. A youthful enthusiasm for +religion might have made her step understandable. But enthusiasm +and she seemed far apart. Intelligent as she unquestionably was, +she nevertheless seemed to have given herself over supinely to a +current of emotions which was sweeping her along. She looked both +pious and piteous, for all of her sophisticated manner and her +accomplishments and graces, and Kate felt like throwing a rope to +her. But Mrs. Leger was not in a mood to seize the rope. She had +her curiously gentle mind quite made up. Though she was still +young,--not quite eighteen years older than her son,--she appeared +to have no further concern for life. To the last, she was indulging +in her delicate vanities--wore her pearls, walked in charming +foot-gear, trailed after her the fascinating gowns of the initiate, +and viewed with delight the portfolios of etchings which Dr. von +Shierbrand chanced to be purchasing.</p> +<p>She was glad, she said, to be at the Caravansary, quite on a +different side of the city from her friends. She made no attempt to +renew old acquaintances or to say farewell to her former +associates. Her extravagant home on the Lake Shore Drive was passed +over to a self-congratulatory purchaser; the furnishings were sold +at auction; and her other properties were disposed of in such a +manner as to make the transfer of her wealth convenient for the +recipients.</p> +<p>She asked Kate to go to the station with her.</p> +<p>"I've given you my one last friendship," she said. "I shall +speak with no one on the steamer. My journey must be spent in +preparation for my great change. But it seems human and warm to +have you see me off."</p> +<p>"It seems inhuman to me, Mrs. Leger," Kate cried explosively. +"Something terrible has happened to you, I suppose, and you're +hiding away from it. You think you're going to drug yourself with +prayer. But can you? It doesn't seem at all probable to me. Dear +Mrs. Leger, be brave and stay out in the world with the other +living people."</p> +<p>"You are talking of something which you do not understand," said +Mrs. Leger gently. "There is a secret manna for the soul of which +the chosen may eat."</p> +<p>"Oh!" cried Kate, almost angrily. "Are these your own words? I +cannot understand a prepossession like this on your part. It +doesn't seem to set well on you. Isn't there some hideous mistake? +Aren't you under the influence of some emotional episode? Might it +not be that you were ill without realizing it? Perhaps you are +suffering from some hidden melancholy, and it is impelling you to +do something out of keeping with the time and with your own +disposition."</p> +<p>"I can see how it might appear that way to you, Miss Barrington. +But I am not ill, except in my soul, which I expect to be healed in +the place to which I am going. Try to understand that among the +many kinds of human beings in this world there are the mystics. +They have a right to their being and to their belief. Their joys +and sorrows are different from those of others, but they are just +as existent. Please do not worry about me."</p> +<p>"But you understand so well how to handle the material things in +the world," protested Kate. "You seem so appreciative and so +competent. If you have learned so much, what is the sense of +shutting it all up in a cell?"</p> +<p>"Did you never read of Purun Bhagat," asked Mrs. Leger +smilingly, "who was rich with the riches of a king; who was wise +with the learning of Calcutta and of Oxford; who could have held as +high an office as any that the Government of England could have +given him in India, and who took his beggar's bowl and sat upon a +cavern's rim and contemplated the secret soul of things? You know +your Kipling. I have not such riches or such wisdom, but I have the +longing upon me to go into silence."</p> +<p>The lips from which these words fell were both tender and +ardent; the little gesticulating hands were clad in modish, +mouse-colored suede; orris root mixed with some faint, haunting +odor, barely caressed the air with perfume. Kate looked at her +companion in despair.</p> +<p>"I must be an outer barbarian!" she cried. "I can imagine +religious ecstasy, but you are not ecstatic. I can imagine turning +to a convent as a place of hiding from shame or despair. But you +are not going into it that way. As for wishing to worship, I +understand that perfectly. Prayer is a sort of instinct with me, +and all the reasoning in the world couldn't make me cast myself out +of communion with the unknown something roundabout me that seems to +answer me. But what you are doing seems, as I said, so +obsolete."</p> +<p>"I am looking forward to it," said Mrs. Leger, "as eagerly as a +girl looks forward to her marriage. It is a beautiful romance to +me. It is the completely beautiful thing that is going to make up +to me for all the ugliness I have encountered in life."</p> +<p>For the first time a look of passion disturbed the serenity of +the high-bred, conventional face.</p> +<p>Kate threw out her hands with a repudiating gesture.</p> +<p>"Well," she said, "in the midst of my freedom I shall think of +you often and wonder if you have found something that I have +missed. You are leaving the world, and books, and friends, and your +son for some pale white idea. It seems to me you are going to the +embrace of a wraith."</p> +<p>Mrs. Leger smiled slowly, and it was as if a lamp showed for a +moment in a darkened house and then mysteriously vanished.</p> +<p>"Believe me," she reiterated, "you do not understand."</p> +<p>Kate helped her on the train, and left her surrounded by her +fashionable bags, her flowers, fruit, and literature. She took +these things as a matter of course. She had looked at her smart +little boots as she adjusted them on a hassock and had smiled at +Kate almost teasingly.</p> +<p>"In a month," she said, "I shall be walking with bared feet, or, +if the weather demands, in sandals. I shall wear a rope about my +waist over my brown robe. My hair will be cut, my head coiffed. +When you are thinking of me, think of me as I really shall be."</p> +<p>"So many things are going to happen that you will not see!" +cried Kate. "Why, maybe in a little while we shall all be going up +in flying-machines! You wouldn't like to miss that, would you? Or +your son will be growing into a fine man and you'll not see +him--nor the woman he marries--nor his children." She stopped, +breathing hard.</p> +<p>"It is like the sound of the surf on a distant shore," smiled +Mrs. Leger. "Good-bye, Miss Barrington. Don't grieve about me. I +shall be happier than you can know or dream."</p> +<p>The conductor swung Kate off the train after it was in +motion.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>So, among other things, she had that to think of. She could +explain it all merely upon the hypothesis that the sound of the +awakening trumpets--the trumpets which were arousing woman from her +long torpor--had not reached the place where this wistful woman +dwelt, with her tender remorses, her delicate aversions, her hunger +for the indefinite consolations of religion.</p> +<p>Moreover, she was beginning to understand that not all women +were maternal. She had, indeed, come across many incidents in her +work which emphasized this. Good mothers were quite as rare as good +fathers; and it was her growing belief that more than half of the +parents in the world were undeserving of the children born to them. +Also, she realized that a child might be born of the body and not +of the spirit, and a mother might minister well to a child's +corporeal part without once ministering to its soul. It was +possible that there never had been any bond save a physical one +between Mrs. Leger and her son. Perhaps they looked at each other +with strange, uncomprehending eyes. That, she could imagine, would +be a tantalization from which a sensitive woman might well wish to +escape. It was within the realm of possibility that he was happier +with his grandmother than with his mother. There might be +temperamental as well as physical "throwbacks."</p> +<p>Kate remembered a scene she once had witnessed at a railway +station. Two meagre, hard-faced, work-worn women were +superintending the removal of a pine-covered coffin from one train +to another, and as the grim box was wheeled the length of a long +platform, a little boy, wild-eyed, gold-haired, and set apart from +all the throng by a tragic misery, ran after the truck calling in +anguish:--</p> +<p>"Grandmother! Grandmother! Don't leave me! I'm so lonesome, +grandmother! I'm so afraid!"</p> +<p>"Stop your noise," commanded the woman who must have been his +mother. "Don't you know she can't hear you?"</p> +<p>"Oh, maybe she can! Maybe she can," sobbed the boy. "Oh, +grandmother, don't you hear me calling? There's nobody left for me +now."</p> +<p>The woman caught him sharply by the arm.</p> +<p>"I'm left, Jimmy. What makes you say such a thing as that? Stay +with mother, that's a good boy."</p> +<p>They were lifting the box into the baggage-car. The boy saw it. +He straightened himself in the manner of one who tries to endure a +mortal wound.</p> +<p>"She's gone," he said. He looked at his mother once, as if +measuring her value to him. Then he turned away. There was no +comfort for him there.</p> +<p>Often, since, Kate had wondered concerning the child. She had +imagined his grim home, his barren days; the plain food; the +compulsory task; the kind, yet heavy-handed, coarse-voiced mother. +She was convinced that the grandmother had been different. In the +corner where she had sat, there must have been warmth and welcome +for the child. Perhaps there were mellow old tales, sweet old +songs, soft strokings of the head, smuggled sweets--all the +beautiful grandmotherly delights.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XIII"></a>XIII</h2> +<br> +<p>Since Kate had begun to write, a hundred--a +thousand--half-forgotten experiences had come back to her. As they +returned to her memory, they acquired significance. They related +themselves with other incidents or with opinions. They illustrated +life, and however negligible in themselves, they attained a value +because of their relation to the whole.</p> +<p>It was seldom that she felt lonely now. Her newly acquired power +of self-expression seemed to extend and supplement her personality. +August von Shierbrand had said that he wished to marry her because +she completed him. It had occurred to her at the time--though she +suppressed her inclination to say so--that she was born for other +purposes than completing him, or indeed anybody. She wished to +think of herself as an individual, not as an addendum. But, after +all, she had sympathized with the man. She was beginning to +understand that that "solitude of the soul," which one of her +acquaintances, a sculptor, had put into passionate marble, was +caused from that sense of incompletion. It was not alone that +others failed one--it was self-failure, secret shame, all the +inevitable reticences, which contributed most to that.</p> +<p>She fell into the way of examining the men and women about her +and of asking:--</p> +<p>"Is he satisfied? Is she companioned? Has this one realized +himself? Is that one really living?"</p> +<p>She remembered one person--one only--who had given her the +impression of abounding physical, mental, and spiritual life. True, +she had seen him but a moment--one swift, absurd, curiously +haunting moment. That was Karl Wander, Honora's cousin, and the +cousin of Mary Morrison. They were the children of three sisters, +and from what Kate knew of their descendants' natures, she felt +these sisters must have been palpitating creatures.</p> +<p>Yes, Karl Wander had seemed complete--a happy man, seething with +plans, a wise man who took life as it came; a man of local +qualities yet of cosmopolitan spirit--one who would not have +fretted at his environment or counted it of much consequence, +whatever it might have been.</p> +<p>If she could have known him--</p> +<p>But Honora seldom spoke of him. Only sometimes she read a brief +note from him, and added:--</p> +<p>"He wishes to be remembered to you, Kate."</p> +<p>She did not hint: "He saw you only a second." Honora was not one +of those persons who take pleasure in pricking bubbles. She +perceived the beauty of iridescence. If her odd friend and her +inexplicable cousin had any satisfaction in remembering a passing +encounter, they could have their pleasure of it.</p> +<p>Kate, for her part, would not have confessed that she thought of +him. But, curiously, she sometimes dreamed of him.</p> +<p>At last Ray McCrea was coming home. His frequent letters, full +of good comment, announced the fact.</p> +<p>"I've been winning my spurs, commercially speaking," he wrote. +"The old department heads, whom my father taught me to respect, +seem pleased with what I have done. I believe that when I come back +they will have ceased to look on me as a cadet. And if they think +I'm fit for responsibilities, perhaps you will think so, too, Kate. +At any rate, I know you'll let me say that I am horribly homesick. +This being in a foreign land is all very well, but give me the good +old American ways, crude though they may be. I want a +straightforward confab with some one of my own sort; I want the +feeling that I can move around without treading on somebody's toes. +I want, above all, to have a comfortable entertaining evening with +a nice American girl--a girl that takes herself and me for granted, +and isn't shying off all the time as if I were a sort of bandit. +What a relief to think that you'll not be accompanied by a +chaperon! I shall get back my self-respect once I'm home again with +you nice, self-confident young American women."</p> +<p>"It will be good to see him, I believe," mused Kate. "After all, +he always looked after me. I can't seem to remember just how much +pleasure I had in his society. At any rate, we'll have plenty of +things to talk about. He'll tell me about Europe, and I'll tell him +about my work. That ought to carry us along quite a while."</p> +<p>She set about making preparations for him. She induced Honora to +let her have an extra room, and she made her fine front chamber +into a sitting-room, with a knocker on the door, and some cheerful +brasses and old prints within. She came across oddities of this +sort in her Russian and Italian neighborhoods, but until now she +had not taken very much interest in what she was inclined to term +"sublimated junk."</p> +<p>Mary Morrison took an almost vicious amusement in Kate's sudden +efforts at aesthetic domestication, and Marna Fitzgerald--who was +delighted--considered it as a frank confession of sentiment. Kate +let them think what they pleased. She presented to their +inspection--even Mary was invited up for the occasion--a cheerful +room with a cream paper, a tawny-colored rug, some comfortable +wicker chairs, an interesting plaster cast or two, and the +previously mentioned "loot." Mary, in a fit of friendliness, +contributed a Japanese wall-basket dripping with vines; Honora +proffered a lamp with a soft shade; and Marna took pride in +bestowing some delicately embroidered cushions, white, and +beautiful with the beauty of Belfast linen.</p> +<p>It did not appear to occur to Kate, however, that personal +adornment would be desirable, and it took the united efforts of +Marna and Mary to persuade her that a new frock or two might be +needed. Kate had a way of avoiding shabbiness, but of late her +interest in decoration had been anything but keen. However, she +ventured now on a rather beguiling dress for evening--a Japanese +crêpe which a returned missionary sold her for something more +than a song. Dr. von Shierbrand said it was the color of rust, but +Marna affirmed that it had the hue of copper--copper that was not +too bright. It was embroidered gloriously with chrysanthemums, and +she had great pleasure in it. Mary Morrison drew from her rainbow +collection a scarf which accentuated the charm of the frock, and +when Kate had contrived a monk's cape of brown, she was ready for +possible entertainments--panoplied for sentiment. She would make no +further concessions. Her practical street clothes and her home-made +frocks of white linen, with which she made herself dainty for +dinner at Mrs. Dennison's, had to serve her.</p> +<p>"I'm so poor," she said to Marna, "that I feel like apologizing +for my inefficiency. I'm getting something now for my talks at the +clubs, and I'm paid for my writing, too. Now that it's begun to be +published, I ought to be opulent presently."</p> +<p>"You're no poorer than we," Marna said. "But of course there are +two of us to be poor together; and that makes it more +interesting."</p> +<p>"Love doesn't seem to be flying out of your window," smiled +Kate.</p> +<p>"We've bars on the windows," laughed Marna. "Some former +occupant of the flat put them on to keep the babies from dashing +their brains out on the pavement below, and we haven't taken them +off." She blushed. "No," responded Kate with a <i>moue</i>; "what +was the use?"</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Unfortunately McCrea, the much-expected, had not made it quite +plain when he was to land in New York. To be sure, Kate might have +consulted the steamer arrivals, but she forgot to do that. So it +happened that when a wire came from Ray saying that he would be in +Chicago on a certain Saturday night in mid-May, Kate found herself +under compulsion to march in a suffrage procession.</p> +<p>David Fulham thought the circumstance uproariously funny, and he +told them about it at the Caravansary. They made rather an annoying +jest of it, but Kate held to her promise.</p> +<p>"It's an historic event to my mind," she said with all the +dignity she could summon. "I wouldn't excuse myself if I could. And +I can't. I've promised to march at the head of a division. We hope +there'll be twenty thousand of us."</p> +<p>Perhaps there were. Nobody knew. But all the city did know that +down the broad boulevard, in the mild, damp air of the May night, +regiment upon regiment of women marched to bear witness to their +conviction and their hope. Bands played, choruses sang, +transparencies proclaimed watchwords, and every woman in the +seemingly endless procession swung a yellow lantern. The onlookers +crowded the sidewalks and hung from the towering office buildings, +to watch that string of glowing amber beads reaching away to north +and to south. College girls, working-girls, home-women, fine +ladies, efficient business women, vague, non-producing, +half-awakened women,--all sorts, all conditions, black, white, +Latin, Slav, Germanic, English, American, American, American,--they +came marching on. They were proud and they were diffident; they +were sad and they were merry; they were faltering and they were +enthusiastic. Some were there freely, splendidly, exultantly; more +were there because some force greater than themselves impelled +them. Through bewilderment and hesitancy and doubt, they saw the +lights of the future shining, and they fixed their eyes upon the +amber lanterns as upon the visible symbols of their faith; they +marched and marched. They were the members of a new revolution, +and, as always, only a portion of the revolutionists knew +completely what they desired.</p> +<p>At the Caravansary there had been sharp disapproval of the whole +thing. The men had brought forth arguments to show Kate her folly. +Mrs. Dennison, Mrs. Goodrich, and Mrs. Applegate had spoken gentle +words of warning; Honora had vaguely suggested that the matter was +immaterial; Mary Morrison had smiled as one who avoided ugliness; +and Kate had laughingly defied them.</p> +<p>"I march!" she had declared. "And I'm not ashamed of my +company."</p> +<p>It was, indeed, a company of which she was proud. It included +the names of the most distinguished, the most useful, the most +talented, the most exclusive, and the most triumphantly inclusive +women in the city.</p> +<p>"Poor McCrea," put in Fulham. "Aren't you making him ridiculous? +He'll come dashing up here the moment he gets off the train. As a +matter of fact, he'll be half expecting you to meet him. You're +making a mistake, Miss Barrington, if you'll let a well-meaning +fellow-being say so. You're leaving the substance for the +shadow."</p> +<p>"I've misled you about Ray, I'm afraid," Kate said with +unexpected patience. "He hasn't really any right to expect me to be +waiting, and I don't believe he will. Come to think of it, I don't +know that I want to be found waiting."</p> +<p>"Oh, well, of course--" said Fulham with a shrug, leaving his +sentence unfinished.</p> +<p>"Anyway," said Kate flushing, "I march!"</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>They told her afterward how McCrea had come toof-toofing up to +the door in a taxi, and how he had taken the steps two at a +time.</p> +<p>"He wrung my hand," said Honora, "and got through the +preliminary amenities with a dispatch I never have seen excelled. +Then he demanded you. 'Is she upstairs?' he asked. 'May I go right +up? She wrote me she had a parlor of her own.' 'She has a parlor,' +I said, 'but she isn't in it.' He balanced on the end of a toe. +'Where is she?' I thought he was going to fly. 'She's out with the +suffragists,' I said. I didn't try to excuse you. I thought you +deserved something pretty bad. But I did tell him you'd promised to +go and that you hadn't known he was coming that day. 'She's in that +mess?' he cried. 'I saw the Amazon march as I came along. You don't +mean Kate's tramping the streets with those women!' 'Yes, she is,' +I said, 'and she's proud to do it. But she was sorry not to be here +to welcome you.' 'Sorry!' he said; 'why, Mrs. Fulham, I've been +dreaming of this meeting for months.' Honestly, Kate, I was ashamed +for you. I asked him in. I told him you'd be home before long. But +he would not come in. 'Tell her I--I came,' he said. Then he +went."</p> +<p>It was late at night, and Kate was both worn and exhilarated +with her marching. Honora's words let her down considerably. She +sat with tears in her eyes staring at her friend.</p> +<p>"But couldn't he see," she pleaded, "that I had to keep my word? +Didn't he understand how important it was? I can see him to-morrow +just as well."</p> +<p>"Then you'll have to send for him," said Honora decisively. +"He'll not come without urging."</p> +<p>She went up to bed with a stern aspect, and left Kate sitting +staring before her by the light of one of Mary's foolish +candles.</p> +<p>"They seem to think I'm a very unnatural woman," said Kate to +herself. "But can't they see how much more important it was that +the demonstration should be a success than that two lovers should +meet at a certain hour?"</p> +<p>The word "lovers" had slipped inadvertently into her mind; and +no sooner had she really recognized it, looked at it, so to speak, +fairly in the face, than she rejected it with scorn.</p> +<p>"We're just friends," she protested. "One has many friends."</p> +<p>But her little drawing-room, all gay and fresh, accused her of +deceiving herself; and a glimpse of the embroidered frock reminded +her that she was contemptibly shirking the truth. One did not make +such preparations for a mere "friend." She sat down and wrote a +note, put stamps on it to insure its immediate delivery, and ran +out to the corner to mail it. Then she fell asleep arguing with +herself that she had been right, and that he ought to understand +what it meant to give one's word, and that it could make no +difference that they were to meet a few hours later instead of at +the impetuous moment of his arrival.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>She spent the next day at the Juvenile Court, and came home with +the conviction that there ought to be no more children until all +those now wandering the hard ways of the world were cared for. She +was in no mood for sweethearting, yet she looked with some covert +anxiety at the mail-box. There was an envelope addressed to her, +but the superscription was not in Ray's handwriting. The Colorado +stamp gave her a hint of whom it might have come from, and +ridiculously she felt her heart quickening. Yet why should Karl +Wander write to her? She made herself walk slowly up the stairs, +and insisted that her hat and gloves and jacket should be put +scrupulously in their places before she opened her letter. It +proved not to be a letter, after all, but only a number of +photographs, taken evidently by the sender, who gave no word of +himself. He let the snow-capped solitary peaks utter his meanings +for him. The pictures were beautiful and, in some indescribable +way, sad--cold and isolate. Kate ran her fingers into the envelope +again and again, but she could discover no note there. Neither was +there any name, save her own on the cover.</p> +<p>"At least," said Kate testily, "I might have been told whom to +thank."</p> +<p>But she knew whom to thank--and she knew with equal positiveness +that she would send no thanks. For the gift had been a challenge. +It seemed to say: "I dare you to open communication with me. I dare +you to break the conscious silence between us!"</p> +<p>Kate did not lift the glove that had been thrown down. She hid +the photographs in her clock and told no one about them.</p> +<p>At the close of the third day a note came from Ray. Her line, he +said, had followed him to Lake Forest and he had only then found +time to answer it. He was seeing old friends and was very much +occupied with business and with pleasure, but he hoped to see her +before long. Kate laughed aloud at the rebuff. It was, she thought, +a sort of Silvertree method of putting her in her place. But she +was sorry, too,--sorry for his hurt; sorry, indefinitely and +indescribably, for something missed. If it had been Karl Wander +whom she had treated like that he would have waited on her doorstep +till she came, and if he had felt himself entitled to a quarrel, he +would have "had it out" before men and the high gods.</p> +<p>At least, so she imagined he would have done; but upon +consideration there were few persons in the world about whom she +knew less than about Karl Wander. It seemed as if Honora were +actually perverse in the way she avoided his name.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XIV"></a>XIV</h2> +<br> +<p>The spring was coming. Signs of it showed at the park edges, +where the high willow hedges began to give forth shoots of +yellowish-green; at times the lake was opalescent and the sky had +moments of tenderness and warmth. Even through the pavement one +seemed to scent the earth; and the flower shops set up their +out-of-door booths and solicited the passer-by with blossoms.</p> +<p>When Kate could spare the money, she bought flowers for +Marna--for it was flower-time with Marna, and she had seen the +Angel of the Annunciation. All that was Celtic in her was coming +uppermost. She dreamed and brooded and heard voices. Kate liked to +sit in the little West-Side flat and be comforted of the happiness +there. She was feeling very absurd herself, and she was ashamed of +her excursion into the realms of feminine folly. That was the way +she put her defection from "common sense," and her little flare of +sentiment for Ray, and all her breathless, ridiculous preparation +for him. She had never worn the chrysanthemum dress, and she so +loathed the sight of it that she boxed it and put it in the bottom +of her trunk.</p> +<p>No word came from Ray. "Sometime" had not materialized and he +had failed to call. His name was much in the papers as "best man" +or cotillion leader or host at club dinners. He moved in a world of +which Kate saw nothing--a rather competitive world, where money +counted and where there was a brisk exchange of social amenities. +Kate's festivities consisted of settlement dinners and tea here and +there, at odd, interesting places with fellow "welfare workers"; +and now and then she went with Honora to some University affair. A +great many ladies sent her cards to their "afternoons"--ladies whom +she met at the home of the President of the University, or with +whom she came in contact at Hull House or some of the other +settlements. But such diversions she was obliged to deny herself. +They would have taken time from her too-busy hours; and she had not +the strength to do her work according to her conscience, and then +to drag herself halfway across town, merely for the amiability of +making her bow and eating an ice in a charming house. Not but that +she enjoyed the atmosphere of luxury--the elusive sense of opulence +given her by the flowers, the distant music, the smiling, +luxurious, complimentary women, the contrast between the glow +within and the chill of twilight without--twilight sparkling with +the lights of the waiting motors, and the glittering procession on +the Drive. But, after all, while others rode, she walked, and +sometimes she was very weary. To be sure, she was too gallant, too +much at ease in her entertaining world, too expectant of the +future, to fret even for a moment about the fact that she was +walking while others rode. She hardly gave it a thought. But her +disadvantages made her unable to cope with other women socially. +She was, as she often said, fond of playing a game; but the social +game pushed the point of achievement a trifle too far.</p> +<p>Moreover, there was the mere bother of "dressing the part." Her +handsome heavy shoes, her strong, fashionable street gloves, her +well-cared-for street frock, and becoming, practical hat she could +obtain and maintain in freshness. She was "well-groomed" and made a +sort of point of looking competent, as if she felt mistress of +herself and her circumstances; she could even make herself dainty +for a little dinner, but the silks and furs, the prodigality of +yard-long gloves, the fetching boots and whimsical jewels of the +ladies who made a fine art of feminine entertainments, were quite +beyond her. So, sensibly, she counted it all out.</p> +<p>That Ray was at home in such surroundings, and that, had she +been willing to give him the welcome he expected, she might have +had a welcome at these as yet unopened doors through which he +passed with conscious suavity, sometimes occurred to her. She was +but human--and but woman--and she could not be completely oblivious +to such things. But they did not, after all, wear a very alluring +aspect.</p> +<p>When she dreamed of being happy, as she often did, it was not +amid such scenes. Sometimes, when she was half-sleeping, and vague +visions of joy haunted the farther chambers of her brain, she saw +herself walking among mountains. The setting sun glittered on +distant, splendid snows; the torrent rushed by her, filling the +world with its clamor; beneath lay the valley, and through the +gathering gloom she could see the light of homes. Then, as sleep +drew nearer and the actual world slipped farther away, she seemed +to be treading the path--homeward--with some companion. Which of +those lights spelled home for her she did not know, and whenever +she tried to see the face of her companion, the shadows grew +deeper,--as deep as oblivion,--and she slept.</p> +<p>She was lonely. She felt she had missed much in missing Ray. She +knew her friends disapproved of her; and she was profoundly ashamed +that they should have seen her in that light, expectant hour in +which she awaited this lover who appeared to be no lover, after +all. But she deserved her humiliation. She had conducted herself +like the expectant bride, and she had no right to any such attitude +because her feelings were not those of a bride.</p> +<p>The thing that she did desperately care about just now was the +fitting-up of a home for mothers and babes in the Wisconsin woods. +It was to be a place where the young Polish mothers of a part of +her district could go and forget the belching horror of the steel +mills, and the sultry nights in the crowded, vermin-haunted homes. +She hoped for much from it--much more than the physical +recuperation, though that was not to be belittled. There was some +hitch, at the last, about the endowment. A benevolent spinster had +promised to remember the prospective home in her will and neglected +to do so and now there were several thousands to be collected from +some unknown source. Kate was absorbed with that when she was not +engaged with her regular work. Moreover, she made a point of being +absorbed. She could not endure the thought that she might be going +about with a love-lorn, he-cometh-not expression.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Life has a way of ambling withal for a certain time, and then of +breaking into a headlong gallop--bolting free--plunging to +catastrophe or liberty. Kate went her busy ways for a fortnight, +somewhat chastened in spirit, secretly a little ashamed, and +altogether very determined to make such a useful person of herself +that she could forget her apparent lack of attractions (for she +told herself mercilessly that if she had been very much desired by +Ray he would not have been able to leave her upon so slight a +provocation). Then, one day,--it was the last day of May and the +world had rejuvenated itself,--she came across him.</p> +<p>A more unlikely place hardly could have been chosen for their +meeting than an "isle of safety" in mid-street, with motors hissing +and toof-toofing round about, policemen gesticulating, and the +crowd ceaselessly surging. The two were marooned with twenty +others, and met face to face, squarely, like foes who set +themselves to combat. At first he tried not to see her, and she, +noting his impulse, thought it would be the part of propriety not +to see him. Then that struck her as so futile, so childish, so +altogether a libel on the good-fellowship which they had enjoyed in +the old days, that she held out her hand.</p> +<p>He swept his hat from his head and grasped the extended hand in +a violent yet tremulous clutch.</p> +<p>"We seem to be going in opposite directions," she said. There +was just a hint of a rising inflection in the accent.</p> +<p>He laughed with nervous delight.</p> +<p>"We are going the same way," he declared. "That's a +well-established fact."</p> +<p>An irritable policeman broke in on them with:--</p> +<p>"Do you people want to get across the street or not?"</p> +<p>"Personally," said McCrea, smiling at him, "I'm not +particular."</p> +<p>The policeman was Irish and he liked lovers. He thought he was +looking at a pair of them.</p> +<p>"Well, it's not the place I'd be choosing for conversation, +sir," he said.</p> +<p>"Right you are," agreed Ray. "I suppose you'd prefer a lane in +Ballamacree?"</p> +<p>"Yes, sir. Good luck to you, sir."</p> +<p>"Same to you," called back Ray.</p> +<p>He and Kate swung into the procession on the boulevard. Kate was +smiling happily.</p> +<p>"You haven't changed a bit!" she cried. "You keep right on +enjoying yourself, don't you?"</p> +<p>"Not a bit of it," retorted Ray indignantly. "I've been +miserable! You know I have. The only satisfaction I got at all was +in hoping I was making you miserable, too. Was I?"</p> +<p>"I wouldn't own to it if you had," said Kate. "Shall we forgive +each other?"</p> +<p>"Do you want it to be as easy as that--after all we've been +through? Wouldn't it be more satisfactory to quarrel?"</p> +<p>"You can if you want, of course," Kate laughed. "But hadn't it +better be with some other person? Really, I wanted to see you +dreadfully--or, at least, I wanted to see you pleasantly. I had +made preparations. You didn't let me know when to expect you, and I +had an engagement when you did come. Weren't you foolish to get in +a rage?"</p> +<p>"But I was so frightfully disappointed. I expected so much and I +had expected it so long."</p> +<p>"Ray!" Her voice was almost stern, and he turned to look at her +half with amusement, half with apprehension. "Expect nothing. Enjoy +yourself to-day."</p> +<p>"But how can I enjoy myself to-day unless I am made to +understand that there is something I may expect from you? +Circumstances have kept us playing fast and loose long enough. +Can't we come to an understanding, Kate?"</p> +<p>Kate stopped to look in a florist's window and fixed her eyes +upon a vast bouquet of pale pink roses.</p> +<p>"Do say something," he said after a time. "Shall I speak from +the heart?"</p> +<p>"Oh, yes, please." He drew his breath in sharply between his +teeth.</p> +<p>"Well, then, I'm not ready to give up my free life, Ray. I can't +seem to see my way to relinquishing any part of my liberty. I think +you know why. I've told you everything in my letters. I feel too +experimental to settle down."</p> +<p>"You don't love me!"</p> +<p>"Did I ever say I did?"</p> +<p>"You gave me to understand that you might."</p> +<p>"You wanted me to try."</p> +<p>"But you haven't succeeded? Then, for heaven's sake, let me go +and make out some other programme for myself. I've come back to you +because I couldn't be satisfied away from you. I've seen women, if +it comes to that,--cities of women. But there's no one like you, +Kate, to my mind; no one who so makes me enjoy the hour, or so plan +for the future. Ever since that day when you stood up by the C +Bench and fought for the right of women to sit on it,--that silly +old C Bench,--I've liked your warring spirit. And I come back, by +Jove, to find you marching with the militant women! Well, I didn't +know whether to laugh or swear! Anyway, you do beat the world."</p> +<p>"A pretty sweetheart I'd make," cried Kate, disgusted with +herself. "I'm only good to provide you with amusement, it +seems."</p> +<p>"You provide me with the breath of life! Heavens, what a spring +you have when you walk! And you 're as straight as a grenadier. I'm +so sick of seeing slouching, die-away women! It's only you American +women who know how to carry yourselves. Oh, Kate, if you can't +answer me, don't, but let me see you once in a while. I'm a weak +character, and I've got to enjoy your society a little longer."</p> +<p>"You can enjoy as much of it as you please, only you mustn't be +holding me up to some tremendous responsibility, and blaming me by +and by for things I can't help."</p> +<p>"I give you my word I'll not. Oh, Kate, is this a busy day with +you? Can't you come out into the country somewhere? We could take +the electric and in an hour we'd be out where we could see orchards +in bloom."</p> +<p>"I <i>could</i> go," mused Kate. "I've a half-holiday coming to +me, and really, if I were to take it to-day, no one would +care."</p> +<p>"The ayes have it! Let us go to the station-I'll buy plenty of +tickets and we can get off at any place where the climate seems +mild and the natives kind."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>It proved to be a day of encounters.</p> +<p>They had traveled well beyond the city, past the straggling +suburbs and the comfortable, friendly old villages, some of which +antedated the city of which they were now the fringe, and had +reached the wider sweeps of the prairie, with the fine country +homes of those who sought privacy. At length they came to a +junction of the road.</p> +<p>"All out here for--"</p> +<p>They could not catch the name.</p> +<p>"Isn't that where we're going?" laughed Kate.</p> +<p>"Of course it is," Ray responded.</p> +<p>They hastened out and looked about them for the train they had +supposed would be in waiting. It was not yet in, however, but was +showing its dark nose a mile or two down the track.</p> +<p>"I must see about our tickets," said Ray. "Perhaps we'll have to +buy others."</p> +<p>Kate had been standing with her back to the ticket station +window, but now she turned, and through the ticker-seller's window +envisaged the pale, bitterly sullen face of Lena Vroom. It looked +sunken and curiously alien, as if its possessor felt herself +unfriended of all the world.</p> +<p>"Lena!" cried Kate, too startled to use tact or to wait for Lena +to give the first sign of recognition.</p> +<p>Lena nodded coolly.</p> +<p>"Oh, is this where you are?" cried Kate. "We've looked +everywhere for you."</p> +<p>"If I'd wanted to be found, I could have been, you know." The +tone was muffled and pitifully insolent.</p> +<p>"You are living out here?"</p> +<p>"I live a few miles from here."</p> +<p>"And you like the work? Is it--is it well with you, Lena?"</p> +<p>"It will never be well with me, and you know it. I broke down, +that's all. I can't stand anything now that takes thought. This +just suits me--a little mechanical work like this. I'm not fit to +talk, Kate. You'll have to excuse me. It upsets me. I'm ordered to +keep very quiet. If I get upset, I'll not be fit even for +this."</p> +<p>"I'll go," said Kate contritely. "And I'll tell no one." She +battled to keep the tears from her eyes. "Only tell me, need you +work at all? I thought you had enough to get along on, Lena. You +often told me so--forgive me, but we've <i>been</i> close friends, +you know, even if we aren't now."</p> +<p>"My money's gone," said Lena in a dead voice. "I used up my +principal. It wasn't much. I'm in debt, too, and I've got to get +that paid off. But I've a comfortable place to live, Kate, with a +good motherly German woman. I tell you for your peace of mind, +because I know you--you always think you have to be affectionate +and to care about what people are doing. But you'll serve me best +by leaving me alone. Understand?"</p> +<p>"Oh, Lena, yes! I'll not come near you, but I can't help +thinking about you. And I beg and pray you to write me if you need +me at any time."</p> +<p>"I can't talk about anything any more. It tires me. There's your +train."</p> +<p>Ray bought his tickets to nowhere in particular. The little +train came on like a shuttle through the blue loom of the air; they +got on, and were shot forward through bright green fields, past +expectant groves and flowering orchards, cheered by the elate +singing of innumerable birds.</p> +<p>Ray had recognized Lena, but Kate refused to discuss her.</p> +<p>"Life has hurt her," she said, "and she's in hiding like a +wounded animal. I couldn't talk about her. I--I love her. It's like +that with me. Once I've loved a person, I can't get it out of my +system."</p> +<p>She was staring from the window, trying to get back her +happiness. Ray snatched her hand and held it in a crushing +grip.</p> +<p>"For God's sake, Kate, try to love me, then!" he whispered.</p> +<p>It was spring all about them,--"the pretty ring-time,"--and she +had just seen what it was to be a defeated and unloved woman. She +felt a thrill go through her, and she turned an indiscreetly bright +face upon her companion.</p> +<p>"Don't expect too much," she whispered back, "but I <i>will</i> +try."</p> +<p>They went on, almost with the feeling that they were in Arcadia, +and drew up at a platform in the midst of woods, through which they +could see a crooked trail winding.</p> +<p>"Here's our place!" cried Ray. "Don't you recognize it? Not that +you've ever seen it before."</p> +<p>They dashed, laughing, from the train, and found themselves a +minute later in a bird-haunted solitude, among flowers, at the +beginning of the woodland walk. There seemed to be no need to +comment upon the beauty of things. It was quite enough that the +bland, caressing air beat upon their cheeks in playful gusts, that +the robins gave no heed to them, and that "the little gray leaves +were kind" to them.</p> +<p>Never was there a more capricious trail than the one they set +themselves to follow. It skirted the edge of a little morass where +the young flags were coming up; it followed the windings of a brook +where the wild forget-me-not threw up its little azure buds; it +crossed the stream a dozen times by means of shaking bridges, or +fallen trees; it had magnificent gateways between twin +oaks--gateways to yet pleasanter reaches of leaving woodland.</p> +<p>"Whatever can it lead to?" wondered Kate.</p> +<p>"To some new kind of Paradise, perhaps," answered Ray. "And see, +some one has been before us! Hush--"</p> +<p>He drew her back into the bushes at the side, beneath a +low-hanging willow. A man and a woman were coming toward them. The +woman was walking first, treading proudly, her head thrown back, +her body in splendid motion, like that of an advancing Victory. The +man, taller than she, was resting one hand upon her shoulder. He, +too, looked like one who had mastered the elements and who felt the +pangs of translation into some more ethereal and liberating world. +As they came on, proud as Adam and Eve in the first days of their +existence, Kate had a blinding recognition of them. They were David +Fulham and Mary Morrison.</p> +<p>She looked once, saw their faces shining with pagan joy, and, +turning her gaze from them, sank on the earth behind the screen of +bushes. Ray perceived her desire to remain unseen, and stepped +behind the wide-girthed oak. The two passed them, still treading +that proud step. When they were gone, Kate arose and led the way on +along the path. She wished to turn back, but she dared not, fearing +to meet the others on the station platform. Ray had recognized +Fulham, but he did not know his companion, and Kate would not tell +him.</p> +<p>"What a fool!" he said. "I thought he loved his wife. She's a +fine woman."</p> +<p>"He loves his wife," affirmed Kate stalwartly. "But there's a +hedonistic fervor in him. He's--"</p> +<p>"He's a fool!" reaffirmed Ray. "Shall we talk of something +else?"</p> +<p>"By all means," agreed Kate.</p> +<p>They tried, but the glory of the day was slain. They had seen +the serpent in their Eden--and where there is one reptile there may +always be another.</p> +<p>When they thought it discreet, they went back to the junction. +Lena Vroom was still there. She was nibbling at some dry-looking +sandwiches. Her glance forbade them to say anything personal to +her, and Kate, with a clutch at the heart, passed her by as if she +had been any ticket-seller.</p> +<p>She wondered if any one, seeing that gray-faced, heavy-eyed +woman, would dream of her so dearly won Ph.D. or of the Phi Beta +Kappa key which she had won but not claimed! She had not even dared +to converse, lest Lena's fragile self-possession should break. She +evidently was in the clutches of nervous fatigue and was fighting +it with her last remnant of courage. Even the veriest layman could +guess as much.</p> +<p>Kate hastened home, and as she opened the door she heard the +voice of Honora mingled with the happy cries of the twins. They +were down in the drawing-room, and Honora had bought some colored +balloons for them, and was running to and fro with them in her +hand, while Patience and Patricia shrieked with delight.</p> +<p>"What a lovely day it's been, hasn't it?" Honora queried, +pausing in her play. "I've so longed to be in the country, but +matters had reached such a critical point at the laboratory that I +couldn't get away. Do you know, Kate, the great experiment that +David and I are making is much further along than he surmises! I'm +going to have a glorious surprise for him one of these days. +Business took him over to the Academy of Science to-day and I was +so glad of it. It gave me the laboratory quite to myself. But +really, I've got to get out into the country. I'm going to ask +David if he won't take me next Sunday."</p> +<p>Kate felt herself growing giddy. She dared not venture to reply. +She kissed the babies and sped up to her room. But Honora's happy +laughter followed her even there. Then suddenly there was a +scurrying. Kate guessed that David was coming. The babies were +being carried up to the nursery lest they should annoy him.</p> +<p>Kate beat the wall with her fists.</p> +<p>"Fool! Fool!" she cried. "Why didn't she let him see her +laughing and dancing like that? Why didn't she? She'll come down +all prim and staid for him and he'll never dream what she really is +like. Oh, how can she be so blind? I don't know how to stand it! +And I don't know what to do! Why isn't there some one to tell me +what I ought to do?"</p> +<p>Mary Morrison was late to dinner. She said she had run across an +old Californian friend and they had been having tea together and +seeing the shops. She had no appetite for dinner, which seemed to +carry out her story. Her eyes were as brilliant as stars, and a +magnetic atmosphere seemed to emanate from her. The men all talked +to her. They seemed disturbed--not themselves. There was something +in her glowing lips, in her swimming glance, in the slow beauty of +her motions, that called to them like the pipes o' Pan. She was as +pagan and as beautiful as the spring, and she brought to them +thoughts of elemental joys. It was as if, sailing a gray sea, they +had come upon a palm-shaded isle, and glimpsed Calypso lying on the +sun-dappled grass.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XV"></a>XV</h2> +<br> +<p>That night Kate said she would warn Honora; but in the morning +she found herself doubtful of the wisdom of such a course. Or +perhaps she really lacked the courage for it. At any rate, she put +it off. She contemplated talking to Mary Morrison, and of appealing +to her honor, or her compassion, and of advising her to go away. +But Mary was much from home nowadays, and Kate, who had discouraged +an intimacy, did not know how to cultivate it at this late hour. +Several days went by with Kate in a tumult of indecision. Sometimes +she decided that the romance between Mary and David was a mere +spring madness, which would wear itself out and do little damage. +At other moments she felt it was laid upon her to speak and avert a +catastrophe.</p> +<p>Then, in the midst of her indecision, she was commanded to go to +Washington to attend a national convention of social workers. She +was to represent the Children's Protective Agency, and to give an +account of the method of its support and of its system of +operation. She was surprised and gratified at this invitation, for +she had had no idea that her club and settlement-house addresses +had attracted attention to that extent. She made so little effort +when she spoke that she could not feel much respect for her +achievement. It was as if she were talking to a friend, and the +size of her audience in no way affected her neighborly accent.</p> +<p>She did not see that it was precisely this thing which was +winning favor for her. Her lack of self-consciousness, her way of +telling people precisely what they wished to know about the subject +in hand, her sense of values, which enabled her to see that a human +fact is the most interesting thing in the world, were what counted +for her. If she had been "better trained," and more skilled in the +dreary and often meaningless science of statistics, or had become +addicted to the benevolent jargon talked by many welfare workers, +her array of facts would have fallen on more or less indifferent +ears. But she offered not vital statistics, but vital documents. +She talked in personalities--in personalities so full of meaning +that, concrete as they were, they took on general +significance--they had the effect of symbols. She furnished +watchwords for her listeners, and she did it unconsciously. She +would have been indignant if she had been told how large a part her +education in Silvertree played in her present aptitude. She had +grown up in a town which feasted on dramatic gossip, and which +thrived upon the specific personal episode. To the vast and +terrific city, and to her portion of the huge task of mitigating +the woe of its unfit, Kate brought the quality which, undeveloped, +would have made of her no more than an entertaining village +gossip.</p> +<p>What stories there were to tell! What stories of bravery in +defeat, of faith in the midst of disaster, of family devotion in +spite of squalor and subterfuges and all imaginable shiftlessness +and shiftiness.</p> +<p>Kate had got hold of the idea of the universality of life--the +universality of joy and pain and hope. She was finding it easy now +to forgive "the little brothers" for all possible perversity, all +defects, all ingratitude. Wayward children they might be,--children +uninstructed in the cult of goodness, happiness, serenity,--but +outside the pale of human consideration they could not be. The +greater their fault the greater their need. Kate was learning, in +spite of her native impatience and impulsiveness, to be very +patient. She was becoming the defender of those who stumbled, the +explainer of those who themselves lacked explanations or who were +too defiant to give them.</p> +<p>So she was going to Washington. She was to talk on a proposed +school for the instruction of mothers. She often had heard her +father say that a good mother was an exception. She had not +believed him--had taken it for granted that this idea of his was a +part of his habitual pessimism. But since she had come up to the +city and become an officer of the Children's Protective +Association, she had changed her mind, and a number of times she +had been on the point of writing to her father to tell him that she +was beginning to understand his point of view.</p> +<p>This idea of a school for mothers had been her own, originally, +and a development of the little summer home for Polish mothers +which she had helped to establish. She had proposed it, half in +earnest, merely, at Hull House on a certain occasion when there +were a number of influential persons present. It had appealed to +them, however, as a practical means of remedying certain +difficulties daily encountered.</p> +<p>Just how large a part Jane Addams had played in the +enlightenment of Kate's mind and the dissolution of her inherent +exclusiveness, Kate could not say. Sometimes she gave the whole +credit to her. For here was a woman with a genius for +inclusiveness. She was the sister of all men. If a youth sinned, +she asked herself if she could have played any part in the +prevention of that sin had she had more awareness, more solicitude. +It was she who had, more than others,--though there was a great +army of men and women of good will to sustain her,--promulgated +this idea of responsibility. A city, she maintained, was a great +home. She demanded, then, to know if the house was made attractive, +instructive, protective. Was it so conducted that the wayward sons +and daughters, as well as the obedient ones, could find safety and +happiness within it? Were the privileges only for the rich, the +effective, and the out-reaching? Or were they for those who lacked +the courage to put out their hands for joy and knowledge? Were they +for those who had not yet learned the tongue of the family into +which they had newly entered? Were they for those who fought the +rules and shirked the cares and dug for themselves a pit of sorrow? +She believed they were for all. She could not countenance +disinheritance. Yes, always, in high places and low, among friends +and enemies, this sad, kind, patient, quiet woman, Jane Addams, of +Hull House, had preached the indissolubility of the civic family. +Kate had listened and learned. Nay, more, she had added her own +interpretations. She was young, strong, brave, untaught by rebuff, +and she had the happy and beautiful insolence of those who have not +known defeat. She said things Jane Addams would have hesitated to +say. She lacked the fine courtesy of the elder woman; but she made, +for that very reason, a more dramatic propaganda.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Kate had known what it was to tramp the streets in rain and +wind; she had known what it was to face infection and drunken rage; +she had looked on sights both piteous and obscene; but she had now +begun--and much, much sooner than was usual with workers in her +field--to reap some of the rewards of toil.</p> +<p>Soon or late things in this life resolve themselves into a +question of personality. History and art, success and splendor, +plenitude and power, righteousness and immortal martyrdom, are all, +in the last resolve, personality and nothing more. Kate was having +her swift rewards because of that same indescribable, incontestable +thing. The friendship of remarkable women and men--women, +particularly--was coming to her. Fine things were being expected of +her. She had a vitality which indicated genius--that is, if genius +is intensity, as some hold. At any rate, she was vividly alert, +naturally eloquent, physically capable of impressing her +personality upon others.</p> +<p>She thought little of this, however. She merely enjoyed the +rewards as they came, and she was unfeignedly surprised when, on +her way to Washington, whither she traveled with many others, her +society was sought by those whom she had long regarded with +something akin to awe. She did not guess how her enthusiasm and +fresh originality stimulated persons of lower vitality and more +timid imagination.</p> +<p>At Washington she had a signal triumph. The day of her speech +found the hall in which the convention was held crowded with a +company including many distinguished persons--among them, the +President of the United States. Kate had expected to suffer rather +badly from stage fright, but a sense of her opportunity gave her +courage. She talked, in her direct "Silvertree method," as Marna +called it, of the ignorance of mothers, the waste of children, the +vast economic blunder which for one reason and another even the +most progressive of States had been so slow to perceive. She said +that if the commercial and agricultural interests of the country +were fostered and protected, why should not the most valuable +product of all interests, human creatures, be given at least an +equal amount of consideration. In her own way, which by a happy +instinct never included what was hackneyed, she drew a picture of +the potentialities of the child considered merely from an economic +point of view, and in impulsive words she made plain the need for a +bureau, which she suggested should be virtually a part of the +governmental structure, in which should be vested authority for the +care of children,--the Bureau of Children, she denominated it,--a +scientific extension of motherhood!</p> +<p>It seemed a part of the whole stirring experience that she +should be asked with several others to lunch at the White House +with the President and his wife. The President, it appeared, was +profoundly interested. A quiet man, with a judicial mind, he +perceived the essential truth of Kate's propaganda. He had, indeed, +thought of something similar himself, though he had not formulated +it. He went so far as to express a desire that this useful +institution might attain realization while he was yet in the +presidential chair.</p> +<p>"I would like to ask you unofficially, Miss Barrington," he said +at parting, "if you are one to whom responsibility is +agreeable?"</p> +<p>"Oh," cried Kate, taken aback, "how do I know? I am so young, +Mr. President, and so inexperienced!"</p> +<p>"We must all be that at some time or other," smiled the +President. "But it is in youth that the ideas come; and enthusiasm +has a value which is often as great as experience."</p> +<p>"Ideas are accidents, Mr. President," answered Kate. "It doesn't +follow that one can carry out a plan because she has seen a +vision."</p> +<p>"No," admitted the President, shaking hands with her. "But you +don't look to me like a woman who would let a vision go to waste. +You will follow it up with all the power that is in you."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>It happened that Kate's propaganda appealed to the popular +imagination. The papers took it up; they made much of the +President's interest in it; they wrote articles concerning the +country girl who had come up to town, and who, with a simple faith +and courage, had worked among the unfortunate and the delinquent, +and whose native eloquence had made her a favorite with critical +audiences. They printed her picture and idealized her in the +interests of news.</p> +<p>A lonely, gruff old man in Silvertree read of it, and when the +drawn curtains had shut him away from the scrutiny of his +neighbors, he walked the floor, back and forth, following the worn +track in the dingy carpet, thinking.</p> +<p>They talked of it at the Caravansary, and were proud; and many +men and women who had met her by chance, or had watched her with +interest, openly rejoiced.</p> +<p>"They're coming on, the Addams breed of citizens," said they. +"Here's a new one with the trick--whatever it is--of making us +think and care and listen. She's getting at the roots of our +disease, and it's partly because she's a woman. She sees that it +has to be right with the children if it's to be right with the +family. Long live the Addams breed!"</p> +<p>Friends wired their congratulations, and their comments were +none the less acceptable because they were premature. Many wrote +her; Ray McCrea, alone, of her intimate associates, was silent. +Kate guessed why, but she lacked time to worry. She only knew that +her great scheme was afoot--that it went. But she would have been +less than mortal if she had not felt a thrill of commingled +apprehension and satisfaction at the fact that Kate Barrington, +late of Silvertree and its gossiping, hectoring, wistful circles, +was in the foreground. She had had an Idea which could be utilized +in the high service of the world, and the most utilitarian and +idealistic public in the world had seized upon it.</p> +<p>So, naturally enough, the affairs of Honora Fulham became +somewhat blurred to Kate's perception. Besides, she was unable to +decide what to do. She had heard that one should never interfere +between husband and wife. Moreover, she was very young, and she +believed in her friends. Others might do wrong, but not one's +chosen. People of her own sort had temptations, doubtless, but they +overcame them. That was their business--that was their obligation. +She might proclaim herself a democrat, but she was a moral +aristocrat, at any rate. She depended upon those in her class to do +right.</p> +<p>She was a trifle chilled when she returned to find how little +time Honora had to give to her unfolding of the great new scheme. +Honora had her own excitement. Her wonderful experiment was drawing +to a culmination. Honora could talk of nothing else. If Kate wanted +to promulgate a scheme for the caring for the Born, very well. +Honora had a tremendous business with the Unborn. So she talked +Kate down.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XVI"></a>XVI</h2> +<br> +<p>Then came the day of Honora's victory!</p> +<p>It had been long expected, yet when it came it had the effect of +a miracle. It was, however, a miracle which she realized. She was +burningly aware that her great moment had come.</p> +<p>She left the lights flaring in the laboratory, and, merely +stopping to put the catch on the door, ran down the steps, +fastening her linen coat over her working dress as she went. David +would be at home. He would be resting, perhaps,--she hoped so. For +days he had been feverish and strange, and she had wondered if he +were tormented by that sense of world-stress which was forever +driving him. Was there no achievement that would satisfy him, she +wondered. Yes, yes, he must be satisfied now! Moreover, he should +have all the credit. To have found the origin of life, though only +in a voiceless creature,--a reptile,--was not that an unheard-of +victory? She would claim no credit; for without him and his daring +to inspire her she would not have dreamed of such an +experiment.</p> +<p>Of course, she might have telephoned to him, but it never so +much as occurred to her to do that. She wanted to cry the words +into his ear:--</p> +<p>"We have it! The secret is ours! There <i>is</i> a hidden door +into the house of life--and we've opened it!"</p> +<p>Oh, what treasured, ancient ideas fell with the development of +this new fact! She did not want to think of that, because of those +who, in the rearrangement of understanding, must suffer. But as for +her, she would be bold to face it, as the mate and helper of a +great scientist should be. She would set her face toward the sun +and be unafraid of any glory. Her thoughts spun in her head, her +pulses throbbed. She did not know that she was thinking it, but +really she was feeling that in a moment more she would be in +David's arms. Only some such gesture would serve to mark the climax +of this great moment. Though they so seldom caressed, though they +had indulged so little in emotion, surely now, after their long and +heavy task, they could have the sweet human comforts. They could be +lovers because they were happy.</p> +<p>Perhaps, after all, she would only cry out to him:--"It will be +yours, David--the Norden prize!" That would tell the whole +thing.</p> +<p>People looked after her as she sped down the street. At first +they thought she was in distress, but a glance at her shining face, +its nobility accentuated by her elation, made that idea untenable. +She was obviously the bearer of good tidings.</p> +<p>Dr. von Shierbrand, passing on the other side of the street, +called out:--</p> +<p>"Carrying the good news from Ghent to Aix?"</p> +<p>An old German woman, with a laden basket on her arm nodded +cheerfully.</p> +<p>"It's a baby," she said aloud to whoever might care to +corroborate.</p> +<p>But Honora carried happiness greater than any dreamed,--a secret +of the ages,--and the prize was her man's fame.</p> +<p>She reached her own door, and with sure, swift hands, fitted the +key in the lock. The house wore a welcoming aspect. The +drawing-room was filled with blossoming plants, and the diaphanous +curtains which Blue-eyed Mary had hung at the windows blew softly +in the breeze. The piano, with its suggestive litter of music, +stood open, and across the bench trailed one of Mary's flowered +chiffon scarfs.</p> +<p>"David!" called Honora. "David!"</p> +<p>Two blithe baby voices answered her from the rear porch. The +little ones were there with Mrs. Hays, and they excitedly welcomed +this variation in their day's programme.</p> +<p>"In a minute, babies," called Honora. "Mamma will come in a +minute."</p> +<p>Yes, she and David would go together to the babies, and they +would "tell them," the way people "told the bees."</p> +<p>"David!" she kept calling. "David!"</p> +<p>She looked in the doors of the rooms she passed, and presently +reached her own. As she entered, a large envelope addressed in +David's writing, conspicuously placed before the face of her +desk-clock, caught her eye. She imagined that it contained some +bills or memoranda, and did not stop for it, but ran on.</p> +<p>"Oh, he's gone to town," she cried with exasperation, "and I +haven't an idea where to reach him!"</p> +<p>Closing her ears to the calls of the little girls, she returned +to her own room and shut herself in. She was completely exasperated +with the need for patience. Never had she so wanted David, and he +was not there--he was not there to hear that the moment of triumph +had come for both of them and that they were justified before their +world.</p> +<p>Petulantly she snatched the envelope from the desk and opened +it. It was neither bills nor memoranda which fell out, but a +letter. Surprised, she unfolded it.</p> +<p>Her eyes swept it, not gathering its meaning. It might have been +written in some foreign language, so incomprehensible did it seem. +But something deep down in her being trembled as if at approaching +dissolution and sent up its wild messages of alarm. Vaguely, afar +off, like the shouts of a distant enemy on the hills, the import +besieged her spirit.</p> +<p>"I must read it again," she said simply.</p> +<p>She went over it slowly, like one deciphering an ancient +hieroglyph.</p> +<blockquote>"My DEAR HONORA:--" (it ran.)<br> +<br> +"I am off and away with Mary Morrison. Will this come to you as a +complete surprise? I hardly think so. You have been my good comrade +and assistant; but Mary Morrison is my woman. I once thought you +were, but there was a mistake somewhere. Either I misjudged, or you +changed. I hope you'll come across happiness, too, sometime. I +never knew the meaning of the word till I met Mary. You and I +haven't been able to make each other out. You thought I was bound +up heart and soul in the laboratory. I may as well tell you that +only a fractional part of my nature was concerned with it. Mary is +an unlearned person compared with you, but she knew that, and it is +the great fact for both of us.<br> +<br> +"It is too bad about the babies. We ought never to have had them. +See that they have a good education and count on me to help you. +You'll find an account at the bank in your name. There'll be more +there for you when that is gone.<br> +<br> +"DAVID."</blockquote> +<p>The old German woman was returning, her basket emptied of its +load, when Honora came down the steps and crossed the +Plaisance.</p> +<p>"My God," said the old woman in her own tongue, "the child did +not live!"</p> +<p>Honora walked as somnambulists walk, seeing nothing. But she +found her way to the door of the laboratory. The white glare of the +chemical lights was over everything--over all the significant, +familiar litter of the place. The workmanlike room was alive and +palpitating with the personality which had gone out from it--the +flaming personality of David Fulham.</p> +<p>The woman who had sold her birthright of charm and seduction for +his sake sat down to eat her mess of pottage. Not that she thought +even as far as that. Thought appeared to be suspended. As a typhoon +has its calm center, so the mad tumult of her spirit held a false +peace. She rested there in it, torpid as to emotion, in a curious +coma.</p> +<p>Yet she retained her powers of observation. She took her seat +before the tanks in which she had demonstrated the correctness of +David's amazing scientific assumption. Yet now the creatures that +he had burgeoned by his skill, usurping, as it might seem to a +timid mind, the very function of the Creator, looked absurd and +futile--hateful even. For these things, bearing, as it was +possible, after all, no relation to actual life, had she spent her +days in desperate service. Then, suddenly, it swept over her, like +a blasting wave of ignited gas, that she never had had the pure +scientific flame! She had not worked for Truth, but that David +might reap great rewards. With her as with the cave woman, the +man's favor was the thing! If the cave woman won his approval with +base service, she, the aspiring creature of modern times, was no +less the slave of her own subservient instincts! And she had failed +as the cave woman failed--as all women seemed eventually to fail. +The ever-repeated tragedy of woman had merely been enacted once +more, with herself for the sorry heroine.</p> +<p>Yet none of these thoughts was distinct. They passed from her +mind like the spume puffed from the wave's crest. She knew nothing +of time. Around her blazed and sputtered the terrible white lights. +The day waned; the darkness fell; and when night had long passed +its dark meridian and the anticipatory cocks began to scent the +dawn and to make their discovery known, there came a sharp knocking +at the door.</p> +<p>It shattered Honora's horrible reverie as if it had been an +explosion. The chambers of her ears quaked with the reverberations. +She sprang to her feet with a scream which rang through the silent +building.</p> +<p>"Let me in! Let me in!" called a voice. "It's only Kate. Let me +in, Honora, or I'll call some one to break down the door."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Kate had mercy on that distorted face which confronted her. It +was not the part of loyalty or friendship to look at it. She turned +out the spluttering, glaring lights, and quiet and shadow stole +over the room.</p> +<p>"Well, Honora, I found the note and I know the whole of your +trouble. Remember," she said quietly, "it's your great hour. You +have a chance to show what you're made of now."</p> +<p>"What I'm made of!" said Honora brokenly. "I'm like all the +women. I'm dying of jealousy, Kate,--dying of it."</p> +<p>"Jealousy--you?" cried Kate. "Why, Honora--"</p> +<p>"You thought I couldn't feel it, I suppose,--thought I was above +it? I'm not above anything--not anything--" Her voice straggled off +into a curious, shameless sob with a sound in it like the bleating +of a lamb.</p> +<p>"Stop that!" said Kate, sharply. "Pull yourself together, woman. +Don't be a fool."</p> +<p>"Go away," sobbed Honora. "Don't stay here to watch me. My heart +is broken, that's all. Can't you let me alone?"</p> +<p>"No, I can't--I won't. Stand up and fight, woman. You can be +magnificent, if you want to. It can't be that you'd grovel, +Honora."</p> +<p>"You know very little of what you're talking about," cried +Honora, whipped into wholesome anger at last. "I've been a fool +from the beginning. The whole thing's my fault."</p> +<p>"I don't see how."</p> +<p>Kate was getting her to talk; was pulling her up out of the pit +of shame and anguish into which she had fallen. She sat down in a +deal chair which stood by the window, and Honora, without realizing +it, dropped into a chair, too. The neutral morning sky was +beginning to flush and the rosiness reached across the lead-gray +lake, illuminated the windows of the sleeping houses, and tinted +even the haggard monochrome of the laboratory with a promise of +day.</p> +<p>"Why, it's my fault because I wouldn't take what was coming to +me. I wouldn't even be what I was born to be!"</p> +<p>"I know," said Kate, "that you underwent some sort of a +transformation. What was it?"</p> +<p>She hardly expected an answer, but Honora developed a perfervid +lucidity.</p> +<p>"Oh, Kate, you've said yourself that I was a very different girl +when you knew me first. I was a student then, and an ambitious one, +too; but there wasn't a girl in this city more ready for a woman's +rôle than I. I longed to be loved--I lived in the idea of it. +No matter how hard I tried to devote myself to the notion of a +career, I really was dreaming of the happiness that was going to +come to me when--when Life had done its duty by me."</p> +<p>She spoke the words with a dramatic clearness. The terrific +excitement she had undergone, and which she now held in hand, +sharpened her faculties. The powers of memory and of expression +were intensified. She fairly burned upon Kate there in the +beautiful, disguising light of the morning. Her weary face was +flushed; her eyes were luminous. Her terrific sorrow put on the +mask of joy.</p> +<p>"You see, I loved David almost from the first--I mean from the +beginning of my University work. The first time I saw him crossing +the campus he held my attention. There was no one else in the least +like him, so vivid, so exotic, so almost fierce. When I found out +who he was, I confess that I directed my studies so that I should +work with him. Not that I really expected to know him personally, +but I wanted to be near him and have him enlarge life for me. I +felt that it would take on new meanings if I could only hear his +interpretations of it."</p> +<p>Kate shivered with sympathy at the woman's passion, and +something like envy stirred in her. Here was a world of delight and +torment of which she knew nothing, and beside it her own existence, +restless and eager though it had been, seemed a meager affair.</p> +<p>"Well, the idea burned in me for months and years. But I hid it. +No one guessed anything about it. Certainly David knew nothing of +it. Then, when I was beginning on my graduate work, I was with him +daily. But he never seemed to see me--he saw only my work, and he +seldom praised that. He expected it to be well done. As for me, I +was satisfied. The mere fact that we were comrades, forced to think +of the same matters several hours of each day, contented me. I +couldn't imagine what life would be away from him; and I was afraid +to think of him in relation to myself."</p> +<p>"Afraid?"</p> +<p>"Afraid--I mean just that. I knew others thought him a genius in +relation to his work. But I knew he was a genius in regard to life. +I felt sure that, if he turned that intensity of his upon life +instead of upon science, he would be a destructive force--a high +explosive. This idea of mine was confirmed in time. It happened one +evening when a number of us were over in the Scammon Garden +listening to the out-of-door players. I grew tired of sitting and +slipped from my seat to wander about a little in the darkness. I +had reached the very outer edge of seats and was standing there +enjoying the garden, when I overheard two persons talking together. +A man said: 'Fulham will go far if he doesn't meet a woman.' +'Nonsense,' the woman said; 'he's an anchorite.' 'An inflammatory +one,' the man returned. 'Mind, I don't say he knows it. Probably he +thinks he's cast for the scientific rôle to the end of his +days, but I know the fellow better than he does himself. I tell +you, if a woman of power gets hold of him, he'll be as drunk as +Abélard with the madness of it. Over in Europe they allow +for that sort of thing. They let a man make an art of loving. Here +they insist that it shall be incidental. But Fulham won't care +about conventionalities if the idea ever grips him. He's born for +love, and it's a lucky thing for the University that he hasn't +found it out.' 'We ought to plan a sane and reasonable marriage for +him,' said the woman. 'Wouldn't that be a good compromise?' 'It +would be his salvation,' the man said."</p> +<p>Honora poured the words out with such rapidity that Kate hardly +could follow her.</p> +<p>"How you remember it all!" broke in Kate.</p> +<p>"If I remember anything, wouldn't it be that? As I say, it +confirmed me in what I already had guessed. I felt fierce to +protect him. My jealousy was awake in me. I watched him more +closely than ever. His daring in the laboratory grew daily. He +talked openly about matters that other men were hardly daring to +dream of, and his brain seemed to expand every day like some +strange plant under calcium rays. I thought what a frightful loss +to science it would be if the wilder qualities of his nature got +the upper hand, and I wondered how I could endure it if--"</p> +<p>She drew herself up with a horror of realization. The thing that +so long ago she had thought she could not endure was at last upon +her! Her teeth began to chatter again, and her hands, which had +been clasped, to twist themselves with the writhing motion of the +mentally distraught.</p> +<p>"Go on!" commanded Kate. "What happened next?"</p> +<p>"I let him love me!"</p> +<p>"I thought you said he hadn't noticed you."</p> +<p>"He hadn't; and I didn't talk with him more than usual or +coquette with him. But I let down the barriers in my mind. I never +had been ashamed of loving him, but now I willed my love to stream +out toward him like--like banners of light. If I had called him +aloud, he couldn't have answered more quickly. He turned toward me, +and I saw all his being set my way. Oh, it was like a +transfiguration! Then, as soon as ever I saw that, I began holding +him steady. I let him feel that we were to keep on working side by +side, quietly using and increasing our knowledge. I made him +scourge his love back; I made him keep his mind uppermost; I saved +him from himself."</p> +<p>"Oh, Honora! And then you were married?"</p> +<p>"And then we were married. You remember how sudden it was, and +how wonderful; but not wonderful in the way it might have been. I +kept guard over myself. I wouldn't wear becoming dresses; I +wouldn't even let him dream what I really was like--wouldn't let +him see me with my hair down because I knew it was beautiful. I +combed it plainly and dressed like a nurse or a nun, and every day +I went to the laboratory with him and kept him at his work. He had +got hold of this dazzling idea of the extraneous development of +life, and he set himself to prove it. I worked early and late to +help him. I let him go out and meet people and reap honors, and I +stayed and did the drudgery. But don't imagine I was a martyr. I +liked it. I belonged to him. It was my honor and delight to work +for him. I wanted him to have all of the credit. The more important +the result, the more satisfaction I should have in proclaiming him +the victor. I was really at the old business of woman, +subordinating myself to a man I loved. But I was doing it in a new +way, do you see? I was setting aside the privilege of my womanhood +for him, refraining from making any merely feminine appeal. You +remember hearing Dr. von Shierbrand say there was but one way woman +should serve man--the way in which Marguerite served Faust? It made +me laugh. I knew a harder road than that to walk--a road of more +complete abnegation."</p> +<p>"But the babies came."</p> +<p>"Yes, the babies came. I was afraid even to let him be as happy +in them as he wanted to be. I held him away. I wouldn't let him +dwell on the thought of me as the mother of those darlings. I dared +not even be as happy myself as I wished, but I had secret joys that +I told him nothing about, because I was saving him for himself and +his work. But at what a cost, Kate!"</p> +<p>"Honora, it was sacrilegious!"</p> +<p>Honora leaped to her feet again.</p> +<p>"Yes, yes," she cried, "it was. And now all has happened +according to prophecy, and he's gone with this woman! He thinks +she's his mate, but, I--I was his mate. And I defrauded him. So now +he's taken her because she was kind, because she loved him, +because--she was beautiful!"</p> +<p>"She looks like you."</p> +<p>"Don't I know it? It's my beauty that he's gone away with--the +beauty I wouldn't let him see. Of course, he doesn't realize it. He +only knows life cheated him, and now he's trying to make up to +himself for what he's lost."</p> +<p>"Oh, can you excuse him like that?"</p> +<p>The daylight was hardening, and it threw Honora's drawn face +into repellent relief.</p> +<p>"I don't excuse him at all!" she said. "I condemn him! I condemn +him! With all his intellect, to be such a fool! And to be so +cruel--so hideously cruel!"</p> +<p>But she checked herself sharply. She looked around her with eyes +that seemed to take in things visible and invisible--all that had +been enacted in that curious room, all the paraphernalia, all the +significance of those uncompleted, important experiments. Then +suddenly her face paled and yet burned with light.</p> +<p>"But I know a great revenge," she said. "I know a revenge that +will break his heart!"</p> +<p>"Don't say things like that," begged Kate. "I don't recognize +you when you're like that."</p> +<p>"When you hear what the revenge is, you will," said Honora +proudly.</p> +<p>"We're going now," Kate told her with maternal decision. "Here's +your coat."</p> +<p>"Home?" She began trembling again and the haunted look crept +back into her eyes.</p> +<p>Kate paid no heed. She marched Honora swiftly along the awakened +streets and into the bereaved house, past the desecrated chamber +where David's bed stood beside his wife's, up to Kate's quiet +chamber. Honora stretched herself out with an almost moribund +gesture. Then the weight of her sorrow covered her like a blanket. +She slept the strange deep sleep of those who dare not face the +waking truth.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XVII"></a>XVII</h2> +<br> +<p>Kate, who <i>was</i> facing it, telegraphed to Karl Wander. It +was all she could think of to do.</p> +<p>"Can you come?" she asked. "David Fulham has gone away with Mary +Morrison. Honora needs you. You are the cousin of both women. +Thought I had better turn to you." She was brutally frank, but it +never occurred to her to mince matters there. However, where the +public was concerned, her policy was one of secrecy. She called, +for example, on the President of the University, who already knew +the whole story.</p> +<p>"Can't we keep it from being blazoned abroad?" she appealed to +him. "Mrs. Fulham will suffer more if he has to undergo public +shame than she possibly could suffer from her own desertion. She's +tragically angry, but that wouldn't keep her from wanting to +protect him. We must try to prevent public exposure. It will save +her the worst of torments." She brooded sadly over the idea, her +aspect broken and pathetic.</p> +<p>The President looked at her kindly.</p> +<p>"Did she say so?"</p> +<p>"Oh, she didn't need to say so!" cried Kate. "Any one would know +that."</p> +<p>"You mean, any good woman would know that. Of course, I can give +it out that Fulham has been called abroad suddenly, but it places +me in a bad position. I don't feel very much like lying for him, +and I shan't be thought any too well of if I'm found out. I should +like to place myself on record as befriending Mrs. Fulham, not her +husband."</p> +<p>"But don't you see that you are befriending her when you shield +him?"</p> +<p>"Woman's logic," said the President. "It has too many turnings +for my feeble masculine intellect. But I've great confidence in +you, Miss Barrington. You seem to be rather a specialist in +domestic relations. If you say Mrs. Fulham will be happier for +having me bathe neck-deep in lies, I suppose I shall have to oblige +you. Shall it be the lie circumstantial? Do you wish to specify the +laboratory to which he has gone?"</p> +<p>Kate blushed with sudden contrition.</p> +<p>"Oh, I'll not ask you to do it!" she cried. "Truth is best, of +course. I'm not naturally a trimmer and a compromiser--but, poor +Honora! I pity her so!"</p> +<p>Her lips quivered like a child's and the tears stood in her +eyes. She had arisen to go and the President shook hands with her +without making any promise. However the next day a paragraph +appeared in the University Daily to the effect that Professor +Fulham had been called to France upon important laboratory +matters.</p> +<p>At the Caravansary they had scented tragedy, and Kate faced them +with the paragraph. She laid a marked copy of the paper at each +place, and when all were assembled, she called attention to it. +They looked at her with questioning eyes.</p> +<p>"Of course," said Dr. von Shierbrand, flicking his mustache, +"this isn't true, Miss Barrington."</p> +<p>"No," said Kate, and faced them with her chin tilted high.</p> +<p>"But you wish us to pretend to believe it?"</p> +<p>"If you please, dear friends," Kate pleaded.</p> +<p>"We shall say that Fulham is in France! And what are we to say +about Miss Morrison?"</p> +<p>"Who will inquire? If any one should, say that a friend desired +her as a traveling companion."</p> +<p>"Nothing," said Von Shierbrand, "is easier for me than +truth."</p> +<p>"Please don't be witty," cried Kate testily, "and don't sneer. +Remember that nothing is so terrible as temptation. I'm sure I see +proof of that every day among my poor people. After all, doesn't +the real surprise lie in the number that resist it?"</p> +<p>"I beg your pardon," said the young German gently. "I shall not +sneer. I shall not even be witty. I'm on your side,--that is to +say, on Mrs. Fulham's side,--and I'll say anything you want me to +say."</p> +<p>"I beg you all," replied Kate, sweeping the table with an +imploring glance, "to say as little as possible. Be matter-of-fact +if any one questions you. And, whatever you do, shield Honora."</p> +<p>They gave their affirmation solemnly, and the next day Honora +appeared among them, pallid and courageous. They were simple folk +for all of their learning. Sorrow was sorrow to them. Honora was +widowed by an accident more terrible than death. No mockery, no +affected solicitude detracted from the efficacy of their sympathy. +If they saw torments of jealousy in this betrayed woman's eyes, +they averted their gaze; if they saw shame, they gave it other +interpretations. Moreover, Kate was constantly beside her, +eagle-keen for slight or neglect. Her fierce fealty guarded the +stricken woman on every side. She had the imposing piano which Mary +had rented carted back to the warehouse to lie in deserved silence +with Mary's seductive harmonies choked in its recording fibre; she +stripped from their poles the curtains Mary had hung at the +drawing-room windows and burned them in the furnace; the +miniatures, the plaster casts, all the artistic rubbish which +Mary's exuberance had impelled her to collect, were tossed out for +the waste wagons to cart away. The coquetry of the room gave way to +its old-time austerity; once more Honora's room possessed +itself.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>A wire came from Karl Wander addressed to Kate.</p> +<p>"Fractured leg. Can't go to you. Honora and the children must +come here at once. Have written."</p> +<p>That seemed to give Honora a certain repose--it was at least a +spar to which to cling. With Kate's help she got over to the +laboratory and put the finishing touches on things there. The +President detailed two of Fulham's most devoted disciples to make a +record of their professor's experiments.</p> +<p>"Fulham shall have full credit," the President assured Honora, +calling on her and comforting her in the way in which he perceived +she needed comfort. "He shall have credit for everything."</p> +<p>"He should have the Norden prize," Honora cried, her hot eyes +blazing above her hectic cheeks. "I want him to have the prize, and +I want to be the means of getting it for him. I told Miss +Barrington I meant to have my revenge, and that's it. How can he +stand it to know he ruined my life and that I got the prize for +him? A generous man would find that torture! You understand, I'm +willing to torture him--in that way. He's subtle enough to feel the +sting of it."</p> +<p>The President looked at her compassionately.</p> +<p>"It's a noble revenge--and a poignant one," he agreed.</p> +<p>"It's not noble," repudiated Honora. "It's terrible. For he'll +remember who did the work."</p> +<p>But shame overtook her and she sobbed deeply and rendingly. And +the President, who had thought of himself as a mild man, left the +house regretting that duels were out of fashion.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Then the letter came from the West. Kate carried it up to +Honora, who was in her room crouched before the window, peering out +at the early summer cityscape with eyes which tried in vain to +observe the passing motors, and the people hastening along the +Plaisance, but which registered little.</p> +<p>"Your cousin's letter, woman, dear," announced Kate.</p> +<p>Honora looked up quickly, her vagueness momentarily dissipated. +Kate always had noticed that Wander's name had power to claim +Honora's interest. He could make folk listen, even though he spoke +by letter. She felt, herself, that whatever he said, she would +listen to.</p> +<p>Honora tore open the envelope with untidy eagerness, and after +she had read the letter she handed it silently to Kate. It ran +thus:--</p> +<blockquote>"COUSIN HONORA, MY DEAR AND PRIZED:--<br> +<br> +"Rather a knock-out blow, eh? I shan't waste my time in telling you +how I feel about it. If you want me to follow David and kill him, I +will--as soon as this damned leg gets well. Not that the job +appeals to me. I'm sensitive about family honor, but killing D. +won't mend things. As I spell the matter out, there was a blunder +somewhere. <i>Perhaps you know where it was</i>.<br> +<br> +"Of course you feel as if you'd gone into bankruptcy. Women invest +in happiness as men do in property, and to 'go broke' the way you +have is disconcerting. It would overwhelm some women; but it won't +you--not if you're the same Honora I played with when I was a boy. +You had pluck for two of us trousered animals--were the best of the +lot. I want you to come here and stake out a new claim. You may get +to be a millionaire yet--in good luck and happiness, I mean.<br> +<br> +"I'm taking it for granted that you and the babies will soon be on +your way to me, and I'm putting everything in readiness. The fire +is laid, the cupboard stored, the latchstring is hanging where +you'll see it as you cross the state line.<br> +<br> +"You understand I'm being selfish in this. I not only want, but I +need, you. You always seemed more like a sister than a cousin to +me, and to have you come here and make a home out of my house seems +too good to be true.<br> +<br> +"There are a lot of things to be learned out here, but I'll not +give them a name. All I can say is, living with these mountains +makes you different. They're like men and women, I take it. (The +mountains, I mean.) The more they are ravaged by internal fires and +scoured by snow-slides, the more interesting they become.<br> +<br> +"Then it's so still it gives you a chance to think, and by the time +you've had a good bout of it, you find out what is really important +and what isn't. You'll understand after you've been here +awhile.<br> +<br> +"I mean what I say, Honora. I want you and the babies. Come ahead. +Don't think. Work--pack--and get out here where Time can have a +chance at your wounds.<br> +<br> +"Am I making you understand how I feel for you? I guess you know +your old playmate and coz,<br> +<br> +"KARL WANDER.<br> +<br> +"P.S. My dried-up old bach heart jumps at the thought of having the +kiddies in the house. I'll bet they're wonders."</blockquote> +<p>There was an inclosure for Kate. It read:--</p> +<blockquote>"MY DEAR MISS BARRINGTON:--<br> +<br> +"I see that you're one of the folk who can be counted on. You help +Honora out of this and then tell me what I can do for you. I'd get +to her some way even with this miserable plaster-of-Paris leg of +mine if you weren't there. But I know you'll play the cards right. +Can't you come with her and stay with her awhile till she's more +used to the change? You'd be as welcome as sunlight. But I don't +even need to say that. I saw you only a moment, yet I think you +know that I'd count it a rich day if I could see you again. You are +one of those who understand a thing without having it bellowed by +megaphone.<br> +<br> +"Don't mind my emphatic English. I'm upset. I feel like murdering a +man, and the sensation isn't pleasant. Using language is too common +out here to attract attention--even on the part of the man who uses +it. Oh, my poor Honora! Look after her, Miss Barrington, and add +all my pity and love to your own. It will make quite a sum. Yours +faithfully,<br> +<br> +"KARL WANDER."</blockquote> +<p>"He wrote to you, too?" inquired Honora when Kate had perused +her note.</p> +<p>"Yes, begging me to hasten you on your way."</p> +<p>"Shall I go?"</p> +<p>"What else offers?"</p> +<p>"Nothing," said Honora in her dead voice. "If I kept a diary, I +would be like that sad king of France who recorded '<i>Rien</i>' +each day."</p> +<p>Kate made a practical answer.</p> +<p>"We must pack," she said.</p> +<p>"But the house--"</p> +<p>"Let it stand empty if the owner can't find a tenant. Pay your +rent till he does, if that's in the contract. What difference does +all that make? Get out where you'll have a chance to +recuperate."</p> +<p>"Oh, Kate, do you think I ever shall? How does a person +recuperate from shame?"</p> +<p>"There isn't really any shame to you in what others do," Kate +said.</p> +<p>"But you--you'll have to go somewhere."</p> +<p>"So I shall. Don't worry about me. I shall take good care of +myself."</p> +<p>Honora looked about her with the face of a spent runner.</p> +<p>"I don't see how I'm going to go through with it all," she said, +shuddering.</p> +<p>So Kate found packers and movers and the breaking-up of the home +was begun. It was an ordeal--even a greater ordeal than they had +thought it would be. Every one who knew Honora had supposed that +she cared more for the laboratory than for her home, but when the +packers came and tore the pictures from the walls, it might have +been her heart-strings that were severed.</p> +<p>Just before the last things were taken out, Kate found her in an +agony of weeping on David's bed, which stood with an appalling +emptiness beside Honora's. Honora always had wakened first in the +morning, Kate knew, and now she guessed at the memories that wrung +that great, self-obliterating creature, writhing there under her +torment. How often she must have raised herself on her arm and +looked over at her man, so handsome, so strong, so completely, as +she supposed, her own, and called to him, summoning him to another +day's work at the great task they had undertaken for themselves. +She had planned to be a wife upon an heroic model, and he had +wanted mere blitheness, mere feminine allure. Then, after all, as +it turned out, here at hand were all the little qualities, he had +desired, like violets hidden beneath their foliage.</p> +<p>Kate thought she never had seen anything more feminine than +Honora, shivering over the breaking-tip of the linen-closet, where +her housewifely stores were kept.</p> +<p>"I don't suppose you can understand, dear," she moaned to Kate. +"But it's a sort of symbol--a linen-closet is. See, I hemmed all +these things with my own hands before I was married, and +embroidered the initials!"</p> +<p>How could any one have imagined that the masculine traits in her +were getting the upper hand! She grew more feminine every hour. +There was an increasing rhythm in her movements--a certain rich +solemnity like that of Niobe or Hermione. Her red-brown hair +tumbled about her face and festooned her statuesque shoulders. The +severity of her usual attire gave place to a negligence which +enhanced her picturesqueness, and the heaving of her troubled +bosom, the lifting of her wistful eyes gave her a tenderer beauty +than she ever had had before. She was passionate enough now to have +suited even that avid man who had proved himself so delinquent.</p> +<p>"If only David could have seen her like this!" mused Kate. "His +'Blue-eyed One' would have seemed tepid in comparison. To think she +submerged her splendor to so little purpose!"</p> +<p>She wondered if Honora knew how right Karl Wander had been in +saying that some one had blundered, and if she had gained so much +enlightenment that she could see that it was herself who had done +so. She had renounced the mistress qualities which the successful +wife requires to supplement her wifely character, and she had +learned too late that love must have other elements than the +rigidly sensible ones.</p> +<p>Honora was turning to the little girls now with a fierce sense +of maternal possession. She performed personal services for them. +She held them in her arms at twilight and breathed in their +personality as if it were the one anaesthetic that could make her +oblivious to her pain.</p> +<p>Kate hardly could keep from crying out:--</p> +<p>"Too late! Too late!"</p> +<p>There was a bleak, attic-like room at the Caravansary, airy +enough, and glimpsing the lake from its eastern window, which Kate +took temporarily for her abiding-place. She had her things moved +over there and camped amid the chaos till Honora should be +gone.</p> +<p>The day came when the two women, with the little girls, stood on +the porch of the house which had proved so ineffective a home. Kate +turned the key.</p> +<p>"I hope never to come back to Chicago, Kate," Honora said, +lifting her ravaged face toward the staring blankness of the +windows. "I'm not brave enough."</p> +<p>"Not foolish enough, you mean," corrected Kate. "Hold tight to +the girlies, Honora, and you'll come out all right."</p> +<p>Honora refrained from answering. Her woe was epic, and she let +her sunken eyes and haggard countenance speak for her.</p> +<p>Kate saw David Fulham's deserted family off on the train. Mrs. +Hays, the children's nurse, accompanied them. Honora moved with a +slow hauteur in her black gown, looking like a disenthroned queen, +and as she walked down the train aisle Kate thought of Marie +Antoinette. There were plenty of friends, as both women knew, who +would have been glad to give any encouragement their presence could +have contributed, but it was generally understood that the truth of +the situation was not to be recognized.</p> +<p>When Kate got back on the platform, Honora became just Honora +again, thinking of and planning for others. She thrust her head +from the window.</p> +<p>"Oh, Kate," she said, "I do hope you'll get well settled +somewhere and feel at home. Don't stay in that attic, dear. It +would make me feel as if I had put you into it."</p> +<p>"Trust me!" Kate reassured her. She waved her hand with specious +gayety. "Give my love to Mr. Wander," she laughed.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XVIII"></a>XVIII</h2> +<br> +<p>Kate was alone at last. She had time to think. There were still +three days left of the vacation for which she had begged when she +perceived Honora's need of her, and these she spent in settling her +room. It would not accommodate all of the furniture she had +accumulated during those days of enthusiasm over Ray McCrea's +return, so she sold the superfluous things. Truth to tell, however, +she kept the more decorative ones. Honora's fate had taught her an +indelible lesson. She saw clearly that happiness for women did not +lie along the road of austerity.</p> +<p>Was it humiliating to have to acknowledge that women were +desired for their beauty, their charm, for the air of opulence +which they gave to an otherwise barren world? Her mind cast back +over the ages--over the innumerable forms of seduction and +subserviency which the instinct of women had induced them to +assume, and she reddened to flame sitting alone in the twilight. +Yet, an hour later, still thinking of the subject, she realized +that it was for men rather than for women that she had to blush. +Woman was what man had made her, she concluded.</p> +<p>Yet man was often better than woman--more generous, more just, +more high-minded, possessed of a deeper faith.</p> +<p>Well, well, it was at best a confusing world! She seemed to be +like a ship without a chart or a port of destination. But at least +she could accept things as they were--even the fact that she +herself was not "in commission," and was, philosophically speaking, +a derelict.</p> +<p>"Other women seem to do things by instinct," she mused, "but I +have, apparently, to do them from conviction. It must be the +masculine traits in me. They say all women have masculine traits, +that if they were purely feminine, they would be monstrous; and +that all civilized men have much of the feminine in them or they +would not be civilized. I suppose there's rather more of the +masculine in me than in the majority of women."</p> +<p>Now Mary Morrison, she concluded, was almost pure feminine--she +was the triumphant exposition of the feminine principle.</p> +<p>Some lines of Arthur Symons came to her notice--lines which she +tried in vain not to memorize.</p> +<blockquote>"'I am the torch,' she saith; 'and what to me<br> + If the moth die of me? I am the flame<br> +Of Beauty, and I burn that all may see<br> + Beauty, and I have neither joy nor shame,<br> +But live with that clear light of perfect fire<br> +Which is to men the death of their desire.<br> +<br> +'"I am Yseult and Helen, I have seen<br> + Troy burn, and the most loving knight lies dead.<br> +The world has been my mirror, time has been<br> + My breath upon the glass; and men have said,<br> +Age after age, in rapture and despair,<br> +Love's few poor words before my mirror there.<br> +<br> +"'I live and am immortal; in my eyes<br> + The sorrow of the world, and on my lips<br> +The joy of life, mingle to make me wise!'"...</blockquote> +<p>Was it wisdom, then, that Mary Morrison possessed--the +immemorial wisdom of women?</p> +<p>Oh, the shame of it! The shame of being a woman!</p> +<p>Kate denied herself to McCrea when he called. She plunged into +the development of her scheme for an extension of motherhood. State +motherhood it would be. Should the movement become national, as she +hoped, perhaps it had best be called the Bureau of Children.</p> +<p>It was midsummer by now and there was some surcease of activity +even in "welfare" circles. Many of the social workers, having +grubbed in unspeakable slums all winter, were now abroad among +palaces and cathedrals, drinking their fill of beauty. Many were in +the country near at hand. For the most part, neophytes were in +charge at the settlement houses. Kate was again urged to +domesticate herself with Jane Addams's corps of workers, but she +had an aversion to being shut between walls. She had been trapped +once,--back at the place she called home,--and she had not liked +it. There was something free and adventurous in going from house to +house, authoritatively rearranging the affairs of the disarranged. +It suited her to be "a traveling bishop." Moreover, it left her +time for the development of her great Idea. In a neighborhood house +privacy and leisure were the two unattainable luxuries.</p> +<p>She was still writing at odd times'; and now her articles were +appearing. They were keen, simple, full of meat, and the public +liked them. As Kate read them over, she smiled to find them so +emphatic. She was far from <i>feeling</i> emphatic, but she seemed +to have a trick of expressing herself in that way. She was still in +need of great economy. Her growing influence brought little to her +in the way of monetary rewards, and it was hard for her to live +within her income because she had a scattering hand. She liked to +dispense good things and she liked to have them. A liberal +programme suited her best--whatever gave free play to life. She was +a wild creature in that she hated bars. Of all the prison houses of +life, poverty seemed one of the most hectoring.</p> +<p>But poverty, to be completely itself, must exclude opportunity. +Kate had the key to opportunity, and she realized it. In the +letters she received and wrote bringing her into association with +men and women of force and aspiration, she had a privilege to +which, for all of her youth, she could not be indifferent. She +liked the way these purposeful persons put things, and felt a +distinct pleasure in matching their ideas with her own. As the +summer wore on, she was asked to country homes of charm and +taste--homes where wealth, though great, was subordinated to more +essential things. There she met those who could further her +purposes--who could lend their influence to aid her Idea, now +shaping itself excellently. At the suggestion of Miss Addams, she +prepared an article in which her plan unfolded itself in all its +benevolent length and breadth--an article which it was suggested +might yet form a portion of a speech made before a congressional +committee. There was even talk of having Kate deliver this address, +but she had not yet reached the point where she could contemplate +such an adventure with calmness.</p> +<p>However, she was having training in her suffrage work, which was +now assuming greater importance in her eyes. She addressed women +audiences in various parts of the city, and had even gone on a few +flying motor excursions with leading suffragists, speaking to the +people in villages and at country schoolhouses.</p> +<p>There was an ever-increasing conviction in this department of +her work. She had learned to count the ballot as the best bulwark +of liberty, and she could find no logic to inform her why, if it +was a protection for man,--for the least and most insignificant of +men,--it was not equally a weapon which women, searching now as +never before for defined and enduring forms of liberty, should be +permitted to use. She not only desired it for other women,--women +who were supposed to "need it" more,--but she wished it for +herself. She felt it to be merely consistent that she, in whom +service to her community was becoming a necessity, should have this +privilege. It never would be possible for her to exercise murderous +powers of destruction in behalf of her country. She would not be +allowed to shoot down innocent men whose opinions were opposed to +her own, or to make widows and orphans. She would be forbidden to +stand behind cannon or to sink submarine torpedoes. But it was +within her reach to add to the sum total of peace and happiness. +She would, if she could get her Bureau of Children established, +exercise a constructive influence completely in accord with the +spirit of the time. This being the case, she thought she ought to +have the ballot. It would make her stand up straighter, spiritually +speaking. It would give her the authority which would point her +arguments; put a cap on the sheaf of her endeavors. She wanted it +precisely as a writer wants a period to complete a sentence. It had +a structural value, to use the term of an architect. Without it her +sentence was foolish, her building insecure.</p> +<p>"Why is it," she demanded of the women of Lake Geneva when, in +company with a veteran suffragist, she addressed them there, "that +you grow weary in working for your town? It is because you cannot +demonstrate your meaning nor secure the continuation of your works +by the ballot. Your efforts are like pieces of metal which you +cannot weld into useful form. You toil for deserted children, +indigent mothers, for hospitals and asylums, starting movements +which, when perfected, are absorbed by the city. What happens then +to these benevolent enterprises? They are placed in the hands of +politicians and perfunctorily administered. Your disinterested +services are lost sight of; the politicians smile at the manner in +which you have toiled and they have reaped. You see sink into +uselessness, institutions, which, in the compassionate hands of +women, would be the promoters of good through the generations. The +people you would benefit are treated with that insolent arrogance +which only a cheap man in office can assume. Causes you have +labored to establish, and which no one denies are benefits, are +capriciously overthrown. And there is one remedy and one only: for +you to cast your vote--for you to have your say as you sit in your +city council, on your county board, or in your state legislature +and national congress.</p> +<p>"You may shrink from it; you may dread these new +responsibilities; but strength and courage will come with your +need. You dare not turn aside from the road which opens before you, +for to tread it is now the test of integrity."</p> +<p>"Ought you to have said that?" inquired the older suffragist, +afterward looking at Kate with earnest and burning eyes from her +white spiritual face. "I dare say I care much more about suffrage +than you. I have been interested in it since I was a child, and I +am now no longer a young woman. Yet I feel that integrity is not +allied to this or that opinion. It is a question of sincerity--of +steadfastness of purpose."</p> +<p>"There, there," said Kate, "don't expect me to be too moderate. +How can I care about anything just now if I have to be moderate? I +love suffrage because it gives me something to care about and to +work for. The last generation has destroyed pretty much all of the +theology, hasn't it? Service of man is all there is +left--particularly that branch of it known as the service of woman. +Isn't that what all of the poets and playwrights and novelists are +writing about? Isn't that the most interesting thing in the world +at present? You've all urged me to go into it, haven't you? Very +well, I have. But I can't stay in it if I'm to be tepid. You +mustn't expect me to modify my utterance and cut down my climaxes. +I've got to make a hot propaganda of the thing. I want the +exhilaration of martyrdom--though I'm not keen for the discomforts +of it. In other words, dear lady, because you are judicious, don't +expect me to be. I don't want to be judicious--yet. I want to be +fervid."</p> +<p>"You are a dear girl," said the elder woman, "but you are an +egotist, as of course you know."</p> +<p>"If I had been a modest violet by a mossy stone," laughed Kate, +"should I have taken up this work?"</p> +<p>"I'm free to confess that you would not," said the other, +checking a sigh as if she despaired of bringing this excited girl +down to the earth. "Yet I am bound to say--" She hesitated and Kate +took up the word.</p> +<p>"I <i>do</i> know--I really understand," she cried contritely. +"You are not an egotist at all, dear lady. Though you have held +many positions of honor, you have never thought of yourself. Your +sacrifices have been <i>bona fide</i>. You who are so delicate and +tender have done things which men might have shrunk from. I know +what you mean by sincerity, and I am aware that you have it +completely and steadily, whereas I have more enthusiasm than is +good either for myself or the cause. But you wouldn't want me to +form myself on you, would you now? Temperament is just as much a +fact as physique. I've got to dramatize woman's disadvantages if I +am to preach on the subject. Though I really think there are +tragedies of womanhood which none could exaggerate."</p> +<p>"Oh, there are, there are, Miss Barrington."</p> +<p>"How shall I make you understand that I am to be trusted!" Kate +cried. "I know I'm avid. I want both pain and joy. I want to suffer +with the others and enjoy with the others. I want my cup of life +full and running over with a brew of a thousand flavors, and I +actually believe I want to taste of the cup each neighbor holds. I +have to know how others feel and it's my nature to feel for them +and with them. When I see this great wave of aspiration sweeping +over women,--Chinese and Persian women as well as English and +American,--I feel magnificent. I, too, am standing where the stream +of influence blows over me. It thrills me magnificently, and I am +meaning it when I say that I think the women who do not feel it are +torpid or cowardly."</p> +<p>The elder woman smiled patiently. After all, who was she that +she should check her flaming disciple?</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XIX"></a>XIX</h2> +<br> +<p>Whenever Kate had a free Sunday, she and Mrs. Dennison, the +mistress of the Caravansary, would go together to the West Side to +visit George and Marna Fitzgerald. It amused and enchanted Kate to +think that in the midst of so much that was commonplace, with dull +apartment buildings stretching around for miles, such an Arcadia +should have located itself. It opened her eyes to the fact that +there might be innumerable Arcadians concealed in those monotonous +rows of three-and four-story flat buildings, if only one had the +wisdom and wit to find them. Marna seemed to know of some. She had +become acquainted with a number of these happy unknown little folk, +to whom it never had occurred that celebrity was an essential of +joy, and she liked them mightily. Marna, indeed, liked high and +low--always providing she didn't dislike them. If they were Irish, +her inclination toward them was accelerated. There were certain +wonders of Marna's ardent soul which were for "Irish faces +only"--Irish eyes were the eyes she liked best to have upon her. +But she forgave Kate her Anglo-Saxon ancestry because of her talent +for appreciating the Irish character.</p> +<p>Time was passing beautifully with Marna, and her Bird of Hope +was fluttering nearer. She told Kate that now she could see some +sense in being a woman.</p> +<p>"If you'd ask me," she said with childish audacity, "if such a +foolish little thing as I could actually have a wonderful, dear +little baby, I'd have said 'no' right at the start. I'm as +flattered as I can be. And what pleases me so is that I don't have +to be at all different from what I naturally am. I don't have to be +learned or tremendously good; it isn't a question of deserts. It +has just come to me--who never did deserve any such good!"</p> +<p>Next door to Marna there was a young Irishwoman of whom the +Fitzgeralds saw a good deal, the mother of five little children, +with not more than sixteen months between the ages of any of them. +Mary Finn had been beautiful--so much was evident at a glance. But +she already wore a dragged expression; and work, far beyond her +powers to accomplish, was making a sloven of her. She was petulant +with the children, though she adored them--at least, sporadically. +But her burden tired her patience out. Timothy Finn's income had +not increased in proportion to his family. He was now in his young +manhood, at the height of his earning capacity, and early +middle-age might see him suffering a reduction.</p> +<p>Mrs. Finn dropped in Sunday afternoon to share the cup of tea +which Marna was offering her guests, and as she looked wistfully +out of her tangle of dark hair,--in which lines of silver already +were beginning to appear,--she impressed herself upon Kate's mind +as one of the innumerable army of martyrs to the fetish of +fecundity which had borne down men and women through the +centuries.</p> +<p>She had her youngest child with her.</p> +<p>"It was a terrible time before I could get up from the last +one," she said, "me that was around as smart as could be with the +first. I'm in living terror all the time for fear of what's coming +to me. A mother has no business to die, that's what I tell Tim. +Who'd look to the ones I have, with me taken? I'm sharp with them +at times, but God knows I'd die for 'em. Blessed be, they +understand my scolding, the dears. It's a cuff and a kiss with me, +and I declare I don't know which they like best. They may howl when +I hurt them, but they know it's their own mother doing the cuffing, +and in their hearts they don't care. It's that way with cubs, ye +see. Mother bear knows how hard to box the ears of 'em. But it's +truth I'm saying, Mrs. Fitzgerald; there's little peace for women. +They don't seem to belong to themselves at all, once they're +married. It's very happy you are, looking forward to your first, +and you have my good wishes. More than that, I'll be proud to be of +any service to you I can when your time comes--it's myself has had +experience enough! But, I tell you, the joy runs out when you're +slaving from morning to night, and then never getting the half done +that you ought; and when you don't know what it is to have two +hours straight sleep at night; and maybe your husband scolding at +the noise the young ones make. Love 'em? Of course, you love 'em. +But you can stand only so much. After that, you're done for. And +the agony of passing and leaving the children motherless is +something I don't like to think about."</p> +<p>She bared her thin breast to her nursing babe, rocking slowly, +her blue eyes straining into the future with its menace.</p> +<p>"But," said Marna, blushing with embarrassment, "need there be +such--such a burden? Don't you think it right to--to--"</p> +<p>"Neither God nor man seems to have any mercy on me," cried the +little woman passionately. "I say I'm in a trap--that's the truth +of it. If I was a selfish, bad mother, I could get out of it; if I +was a mean wife, I could, too, I suppose. I've tried to do what was +right,--what other people told me was right,--and I pray it won't +kill me--for I ought to live for the children's sake."</p> +<p>The child was whining because of lack of nourishment, and Mrs. +Finn put it to the other breast, but it fared little better there. +Mrs. Dennison was looking on with her mild, benevolent aspect.</p> +<p>"My dear," she said at last with an air of gentle authority, +"I'm going out to get a bottle and good reliable infant food for +that child. You haven't strength enough to more than keep yourself +going, not to say anything about the baby."</p> +<p>She took the child out of the woman's arms and gave it to +Kate.</p> +<p>"But I don't think I ought to wean it when it's so young," cried +Mrs. Finn, breaking down and wringing her thin hands with an +immemorial Hibernian gesture. "Tim wouldn't like it, and his mother +would rage at me."</p> +<p>"They'll like it when they see the baby getting some flesh on +its bones," insisted Mrs. Dennison. "There's more than one kind of +a fight a mother has to put up for her children. They used to think +it fine for a woman to kill herself for her children, but I don't +think it's so much the fashion now. As you say, a mother has no +business to die; it's the part of intelligence to live. So you just +have a set-to with your old-fashioned mother-in-law if it's +necessary."</p> +<p>"Yes," put in Kate, "the new generation always has to fight the +old in the interests of progress."</p> +<p>Marna broke into a rippling laugh.</p> +<p>"That's her best platform manner," she cried. "Just think, Mrs. +Finn, my friend talks on suffrage."</p> +<p>"Oh!" gasped the little Irishwoman, involuntarily putting out +her hands as if she would snatch her infant from such a +contaminating hold.</p> +<p>But Kate drew back smilingly.</p> +<p>"Yes," she said significantly, "I believe in woman's +rights."</p> +<p>She held on to the baby, and Mrs. Dennison, putting on her hat +and coat, went in search of a nursing-bottle.</p> +<p>On the way home, Mrs. Dennison, who was of the last generation, +and Kate, who was of the present one, talked the matter over.</p> +<p>"She didn't seem to understand that she had been talking +'woman's rights,'" mused Kate, referring to Mrs. Finn. "The word +frightened the poor dear. She didn't see that fatal last word of +her 'love, honor, and obey' had her where she might even have to +give her life in keeping her word."</p> +<p>"Well, for my part," said Mrs. Dennison, in her mellow, flowing +tones, "I always found it a pleasure to obey my husband. But, then, +to be sure, I don't know that he ever asked anything inconsiderate +of me."</p> +<p>"You were a well-shielded woman, weren't you?" asked Kate.</p> +<p>"I didn't need to lift my hand unless I wished," said Mrs. +Dennison in reminiscence.</p> +<p>"And you had no children--"</p> +<p>"But that was a great sorrow."</p> +<p>"Yes, but it wasn't a living vexation and drain. It didn't use +up your vitality and suck up your brain power and make a slattern +and a drudge of you as having five children in seven years has of +little Mrs. Finn. It's all very well to talk of obeying when you +aren't asked to obey--or, at least, when you aren't required to do +anything difficult. But good Tim Finn, I'll warrant, tells his Mary +when she may go and where, and he'd be in a fury if she went +somewhere against his desire. Oh, she's playing the old medieval +game, you can see that!"</p> +<p>"Dear Kate," sighed Mrs. Dennison, "sometimes your expressions +seem to me quite out of taste. I do hope you won't mind my saying +so. You're so very emphatic."</p> +<p>"I don't mind a bit, Mrs. Dennison. I dare say I am getting to +be rather violent and careless in my way of talking. It's a +reaction from the vagueness and prettiness of speech I used to hear +down in Silvertree, where they begin their remarks with an 'I'm not +sure, but I think,' et cetera. But, really, you must overlook my +vehemence. If I could spend my time with sweet souls like you, I'd +be a different sort of woman."</p> +<p>"I can't help looking forward, Kate, to the time when you'll be +in your own home. You think you're all bound up in this public +work, but I can tell by the looks of you that you're just the one +to make a good wife for some fine man. I hope you don't think it +impertinent of me, but I can't make out why you haven't taken one +or the other of the men who want you."</p> +<p>"You think some one wants me?" asked Kate provokingly.</p> +<p>"Oh, we all know that Dr. von Shierbrand would rather be taking +you home to see his old German mother than to be made President of +the University of Chicago; and that nice Mr. McCrea is nearly crazy +over the way you treat him."</p> +<p>"But it would seem so stale--life in a home with either of them! +Should I just have to sit at the window and watch for them to come +home?"</p> +<p>"You know you wouldn't," said Mrs. Dennison, almost crossly. +"Why do you tease me? What's good enough for other women ought to +be good enough for you."</p> +<p>"Oh, what a bad one I am!" cried Kate. "Of course what is good +enough for better women than I ought to be good enough for me. But +yet--shall I tell the truth about myself?"</p> +<p>"Do," said Mrs. Dennison, placated. "I want you to confide in +me, Kate."</p> +<p>"Well, you see, dear lady, suppose that I marry one of the +gentlemen of whom you have spoken. Suppose I make a pleasant home +for my husband, have two or three nice children, and live a happy +and--well, a good life. Then I die and there's the end."</p> +<p>"Well, of course I don't think that's the end," broke in Mrs. +Dennison.</p> +<p>Kate evaded the point.</p> +<p>"I mean, there's an end of my earthly existence. Now, on the +other hand, suppose I get this Bureau for Children through. Suppose +it becomes a fact. Let us play that I am asked to become the head +of it, or, if not that, at least to assist in carrying on its work. +Then, suppose that, as a result of my work, the unprotected +children have protection; the education of all the children in the +country is assured--even of the half-witted, and the blind and the +deaf and the vicious. Suppose that the care and development of +children becomes a great and generally comprehended science, like +sanitation, so that the men and women of future generations are +more fitted to live than those we now see about us. Don't you think +that will be better worth while than my individual happiness? They +think a woman heroic when she sacrifices herself for her children, +but shouldn't I be much more heroic if I worked all my life for +other people's children? For children yet to be born? I ask you +that calmly. I don't wish you to answer me to-day. I'm in earnest +now, dear Mrs. Dennison, and I'd like you to give me a true +answer."</p> +<p>There was a little pause. Mrs. Dennison was trifling nervously +with the frogs on her black silk jacket. When she spoke, it was +rather diffidently.</p> +<p>"I could answer you so much better, my dear Kate," she said at +length, "if I only knew how much or how little vanity you +have."</p> +<p>"Oh!" gasped Kate.</p> +<p>"Or whether you are really an egotist--as some think."</p> +<p>"Oh!" breathed Kate again.</p> +<p>"As for me, I always say that a person can't get anywhere +without egotism. The word never did scare me. Egotism is a kind of +yeast that makes the human bread rise. I don't see how we could get +along without it. As you say, I'd better wait before answering you. +You've asked me an important question, and I'd like to give it +thought. I can see that you'd be a good and useful woman whichever +thing you did. But the question is, would you be a happy one in a +home? You've got the idea of a public life in your head, and very +likely that influences you without your realizing it."</p> +<p>"I don't say I'm not ambitious," cried Kate, really stirred. +"But that ought to be a credit to me! It's ridiculous using the +word 'ambitious' as a credit to a man, and making it seem like a +shame to a woman. Ambition is personal force. Why shouldn't I have +force?"</p> +<p>"There are things I can't put into words," said Mrs. Dennison, +taking a folded handkerchief from her bead bag and delicately +wiping her face, "and one of them is what I think about women. I'm +a woman myself, and it doesn't seem becoming to me to say that I +think they're sacred."</p> +<p>"No more sacred than men!" interrupted Kate hotly. "Life is +sacred--if it's good. I can't say I think it sacred when it's +deleterious. It's that pale, twilight sort of a theory which has +kept women from doing the things they were capable of doing. Men +kept thinking of them as sacred, and then they were miserably +disappointed when they found they weren't. They talk about women's +dreams, but I think men dream just as much as women, or more, and +that they moon around with ideas about angel wives, and then are +horribly shocked when they find they've married limited, +commonplace, selfish creatures like themselves. I say let us train +them both, make them comrades, give them a chance to share the +burdens and the rewards, and see if we can't reduce the number of +broken hearts in the world."</p> +<p>"There are some burdens," put in Mrs. Dennison, "which men and +women cannot share. The burden of child-bearing, which is the most +important one there is, has to be borne by women alone. You +yourself were talking about that only a little while ago. It's such +a strange sort of a thing,--so sweet and <i>so</i> terrible,--and +it so often takes a woman to the verge of the grave, or over it, +that I suppose it is that which gives a sacredness to women. Then, +too, they'll work all their lives long for some one they love with +no thought of any return except love. That makes them sacred, too. +Most of them believe in God, even when they're bad, and they +believe in those they love even when they ought not. Maybe they're +right in this and maybe they're not. Perhaps you'll say that shows +their lack of sense. But I say it helps the world on, just the +same. It may not be sensible--but it makes them sacred."</p> +<p>Mrs. Dennison's face was shining. She had pulled the gloves from +her warm hands, and Kate, looking down at them, saw how work-worn +they now were, though they were softly rounded and delicate. She +knew this woman might have married a second time; but she was +toiling that she might keep faith with the man she had laid in his +grave. She was expecting a reunion with him. Her hope warmed her +and kept her redolent of youth. She was still a bride, though she +was a widow. She was of those who understood the things of the +spirit. The essence of womanhood was in her--the elusive poetry of +womanhood. To such implications of mystic beauty there was no +retort. Kate saw in that moment that when women got as far as +emancipation they were going to lose something infinitely precious. +The real question was, should not these beautiful, these evanishing +joys be permitted to depart in the interests of progress? Would not +new, more robust satisfactions come to take the place of them?</p> +<p>They rode on in silence, and Kate's mind darted here and +there--darted to Lena Vroom, that piteous little sister of Icarus, +with her scorched wings; darted to Honora Fulham with her shattered +faith; to Mary Morrison with her wanton's wisdom; to Mary Finn, +whose womanhood was her undoing; to Marna, who had given fame for +love and found the bargain good; to Mrs. Leger, who had turned to +God; to her mother, the cringing wife, who could not keep faith +with herself and her vows of obedience, and who had perished of the +conflict; to Mrs. Dennison, happy in her mid-Victorian creed. Then +from these, whom she knew, her mind swept on to the others--to all +the restless, disturbed, questioning women the world over, who, +clinging to beautiful old myths, yet reached out diffident hands to +grasp new guidance. The violence and nurtured hatred of some of +them offended her deeply; the egregious selfishness of others +seemed to her as a flaming sin. Militant, unrestrained, avid of +coarse and obvious things, they presented a shameful contrast to +this little, gentle, dreaming keeper of a boarding-house who sat +beside her, her dove's eyes filled with the mist of memories.</p> +<p>And yet--and yet--</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XX"></a>XX</h2> +<br> +<p>The next day, as it happened, she was invited to Lake Forest to +attend a "suffrage tea." A distinguished English suffragette was to +be present, and the more fashionable group of Chicago suffragists +were gathering to pay her honor.</p> +<p>It was a torrid day with a promise of storm, and Kate would have +preferred to go to the Settlement House to do her usual work, which +chanced just now to be chiefly clerical. But she was urged to meet +the Englishwoman and to discuss with her the matter of the +Children's Bureau, in which the Settlement House people were now +taking the keenest interest. Kate went, gowned in fresh linen, and +well pleased, after all, to be with a holiday crowd riding through +the summer woods. Tea was being served on the lawn. It overlooked +the lake, and here were gathered both men and women. It was a +company of rather notable persons, as Kate saw at a glance. Almost +every one there was distinguished for some social achievement, or +as the advocate of some reform or theory, or perhaps as an opulent +and fashionable patron. It was at once interesting and amusing.</p> +<p>Kate greeted her hostess, and looked about her for the guest of +honor. It transpired that the affair was quite informal, after all. +The Englishwoman was sitting in a tea-tent discoursing with a +number of gentlemen who hung over her with polite attentions. They +were well-known bachelors of advanced ideas--men with honorary +titles and personal ambitions. The great suffragist was very much +at home with them. Her deep, musical voice resounded like a bell as +she uttered her dicta and her witticisms. She--like the men--was +smoking a cigarette, a feat which she performed without coquetry or +consciousness. She was smoking because she liked to smoke. It took +no more than a glance to reveal the fact that she was further along +in her pregnancy than Marna--Marna who started back from the door +when a stranger appeared at it lest she should seem immodest. But +the suffragette, having acquired an applauding and excellent +husband, saw no reason why she should apologize to the world for +the processes of nature. Quite as unconscious of her condition as +of her unconventionality in smoking, she discoursed with these +diverted men, her transparent frock revealing the full beauties of +her neck and bust, her handsome arms well displayed--frankly and +insistently feminine, yet possessing herself without hesitation of +what may be termed the masculine attitude toward life.</p> +<p>For some reason which Kate did not attempt to define, she +refrained from discussing the Bureau of Children with the +celebrated suffragette, although she did not doubt that the +Englishwoman would have been capable of keen and valuable +criticism. Instead, she returned to the city, sent a box of violets +to Marna, and then went on to her attic room.</p> +<p>A letter was awaiting her from the West. It read:</p> +<blockquote>"MY DEAR MISS BARRINGTON:--<br> +<br> +"Honora and the kiddies are here. I have given my cousin a room +where she can see the mountains on two sides, and I hope it will +help. I've known the hills to help, even with pretty rough +customers. It won't take a creature like Honora long to get hold of +the secret, will it? You know what I mean, I guess.<br> +<br> +"I wish you had come. I watched the turn in the drive to see if you +wouldn't be in the station wagon. There were two women's heads. I +recognized Honora's, and I tried to think the second one was yours, +but I really knew it wasn't. It was a low head--one of that patient +sort of heads--and a flat, lid-like hat. The nurse's, of course! I +suppose you wear helmet-shaped hats with wings on them--something +like Mercury's or Diana's. Or don't they sell that kind of +millinery nowadays?<br> +<br> +"Honora tells me you're trying to run the world and that you make +up to all kinds of people--hold-up men as well as preachers. Do you +know, I'm something like that myself? I can't help it, but I do +seem to enjoy folks. One of the pleasantest nights I ever spent was +with a lot of bandits in a cave. I was their prisoner, too, which +complicated matters. But we had such a bully time that they asked +me to join them. I told them I'd like the life in some respects. I +could see it was a sort of game not unlike some I'd played when I +was a boy. But it would have made me nervous, so I had to refuse +them.<br> +<br> +"Well, I'm talking nonsense. What if you should think I counted it +sense! That would be bad for me. I only thought you'd be having so +may pious and proper letters that I'd have to give you a jog if I +got you to answer this. And I do wish you would answer it. I'm a +lonely man, though a busy one. Of course it's going to be a +tremendous comfort having Honora here when once she gets to be +herself. She's wild with pain now, and nothing she says means +anything. We play chess a good deal, after a fashion. Honora thinks +she's amusing me, but as I like 'the rigor of the game,' I can't +say that I'm amused at her plays. The first time she thinks before +she moves I'll know she's over the worst of her trouble. She seems +very weak, but I'm feeding her on cream and eggs. The kiddies are +dears--just as cute as young owls. They're not afraid of me even +when I pretend I'm a coyote and howl.<br> +<br> +"Do write to me, Miss Barrington. I'm as crude as a cabbage, but +when I say I'd rather have you write me than have any piece of good +fortune befall me which your wildest imagination could depict, I +mean it. Perhaps that will scare you off. Anyway, you can't say I +didn't play fair.<br> +<br> +"I'm worn out sitting around with this fractured leg of mine in its +miserable cast. (I know stronger words than 'miserable,' but I use +it because I'm determined to behave myself.) Honora says she thinks +it would be all right for you to correspond with me. I asked +her.<br> +<br> +"Yours faithfully,<br> +<br> +"KARL WANDER."</blockquote> +<p>"What a ridiculous boy," said Kate to herself. She laughed aloud +with a rippling merriment; and then, after a little silence, she +laughed again.</p> +<p>"The man certainly is naïf," she said. "Can he really +expect me to answer a letter like that?"</p> +<p>She awoke several times that night, and each time she gave a +fleeting thought to the letter. She seemed to see it before her +eyes--a purple eidolon, a parallelogram in shape. It flickered up +and down like an electric sign. When morning came she was quite +surprised to find the letter was existent and stationary. She read +it again, and she wished tremendously that she might answer it. It +occurred to her that in a way she never had had any fun. She had +been persistently earnest, passionately honest, absurdly grim. Now +to answer that letter would come under the head of mere frolic! Yet +would it? Was not this curious, outspoken man--this gigantic, +good-hearted, absurd boy--giving her notice that he was ready to +turn into her lover at the slightest gesture of acquiescence on her +part? No, the frolic would soon end. It would be another of those +appalling games-for-life, those woman-trap affairs. And she liked +freedom better than anything.</p> +<p>She went off to her work in a defiant frame of mind, carrying, +however, the letter with her in her handbag.</p> +<p>What she did write--after several days' delay--was this:--</p> +<blockquote>"MY DEAR MR. WANDER:--<br> +<br> +"I can see that Honora is in the best place in the world for her. +You must let me know when she has checkmated you. I quite agree +that that will show the beginning of her recovery. She has had a +terrible misfortune, and it was the outcome of a disease from which +all of us 'advanced' women are suffering. Her convictions and her +instincts were at war. I can't imagine what is going to happen to +us. We all feel very unsettled, and Honora's tragedy is only one of +several sorts which may come to any of us. But an instinct deeper +than instinct, a conviction beyond conviction, tells me that we are +right--that we must go on, studying, working, developing. We may +have to pay a fearful price for our advancement, but I do not +suppose we could turn back now if we would.<br> +<br> +"You ask if I will correspond with you. Well, do you suppose we +really have anything to say? What, for example, have you to tell me +about? Honora says you own a mine, or two or three; that you have a +city of workmen; that you are a father to them. Are they Italians? +I think she said so. They're grateful folk, the Italians. I hope +they like you. They are so sweet when they do, and so--sudden--when +they don't.<br> +<br> +"I have had something to do with them, and they are very dear to +me. They ask me to their christenings and to other festivals. I +like their gayety because it contrasts with my own disposition, +which is gloomy.<br> +<br> +"Upon reflection, I think we'd better not write to each other. You +were too explicit in your letter--too precautionary. You'd make me +have a conscience about it, and I'd be watching myself. That's too +much trouble. My business is to watch others, not myself. But I do +thank you for giving such a welcome to Honora and the babies. I +hope you will soon be about again. I find it so much easier to +imagine you riding over a mountain pass than sitting in the house +with a leg in plaster.<br> +<br> +"Yours sincerely,<br> +<br> +"KATE BARRINGTON."</blockquote> +<p>He wrote back:--</p> +<blockquote>"MY DEAR MISS BARRINGTON:--<br> +<br> +"I admire your idea of gloom! Not the spirit of gloom but of +adventure moves you. I saw it in your eye. When I buy a horse, I +always look at his eye. It's not so much viciousness that I'm +afraid of as stupidity. I like a horse that is always pressing +forward to see what is around the next turn. Now, we humans are a +good deal like horses. Women are, anyway. And I saw your eye. My +own opinion is that you are having the finest time of anybody I +know. You're shaping your own life, at least,--and that's the best +fun there is,--the best kind of good fortune. Of course you'll get +tired of it after a while. I don't say that because you are a +woman, but I've seen it happen over and over again both with men +and women. After a little while they get tired of roving and come +home.<br> +<br> +"You may not believe it, but, after all, that's the great moment in +their lives--you just take it from me who have seen more than you +might think and who have had a good deal of time to think things +out. I do wish you had seen your way to come out here. There are +any number of matters I would like to talk over with you.<br> +<br> +"You mustn't think me impudent for writing in this familiar way. I +write frankly because I'm sure you'll understand, and the +conventionalities have been cast aside because in this case they +seem so immaterial. I can assure you that I'm not impudent--not +where women are concerned, at any rate. I'm a born lover of women, +though I have been no woman's lover. I haven't seen much of them. +Sometimes I've gone a year without seeing one, not even a squaw. +But I judge them by my mother, who made every one happy who came +near her, and by some others I have known; I judge them by you, +though I saw you only a minute. I suppose you will think me crazy +or insincere in saying that. I'm both sane and honest--ask +Honora.<br> +<br> +"You speak of my Italians. They are making me trouble. We have been +good friends and they have been happy here. I gave them lots to +build on if they would put up homes; and I advanced the capital for +the cottages and let them pay me four per cent--the lowest possible +interest. I got a school for their children and good teachers, and +I interested the church down in Denver to send a priest out here +and establish a mission. I thought we understood each other, and +that they comprehended that their prosperity and mine were bound up +together. But an agitator came here the other day,--sent by the +unions, of course,--and there's discontent. They have lost the +friendly look from their eyes, and the men turn out of their way to +avoid speaking to me. Since I've been laid up here, things have +been going badly. There have been meetings and a good deal of hard +talk. I suppose I'm in for a fight, and I tell you it hurts. I feel +like a man at war with his children. As I feel just now, I'd throw +up the whole thing rather than row with them, but the money of +other men is invested in these mines and I'm the custodian of it. +So I've no choice in the matter. Perhaps, too, it's for their own +good that they should be made to see reason. What do you say?<br> +<br> +"Faithfully,<br> +<br> +"WANDER."</blockquote> +<p>Honora wrote the same day and to her quiet report of improved +nights and endurable days she added:--</p> +<blockquote>"I hope you will answer my cousin's letter. I can't +tell you what a good man he is, and so boyish, in spite of his +being strong and perfectly brave--oh, brave to the death! He's very +lonely. He always has been. You'll have to make allowances for his +being so Western and going right to the point in such a reckless +way. He hasn't told me what he's written you, but I know if he +wants to be friends with you he'll say so without any +preliminaries. He's very eager to have me talk of you, so I do. I'm +eager to talk, too. I always loved you, Kate, but now I put you and +Karl in a class by yourselves as the completely dependable +ones.<br> +<br> +"The babies send kisses. Don't worry about me. I'm beginning to see +that it's not extraordinary for trouble to have come to me. Why not +to me as well as to another? I'm one of the great company of sad +ones now. But I'm not going to be melancholy. I know how +disappointed you'd be if I were. I'm beginning to sleep better, and +for all of this still, dark cavern in my heart, so filled with +voices of the past and with the horrible chill of the present, I am +able to laugh a little at passing things. I find myself doing it +involuntarily. So at least I've got where I can hear what the +people about me are saying, and can make a fitting reply. Yes, do +write Karl. For my sake."</blockquote> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXI"></a>XXI</h2> +<br> +<p>Meantime, Ray McCrea had neglected to take his summer vacation. +He was staying in the city, and twice a week he called on Kate. +Kate liked him neither more nor less than at the beginning. He was +clever and he was kind, and it was his delight to make her happy. +But it was with the surface of her understanding that she listened +to him and the skimmings of her thoughts that she passed to him. He +had that light, acrid accent of well-to-do American men. Reasonably +contented himself, he failed to see why every one else should not +be so, too. He was not religious for the same reason that he was +not irreligious--because it seemed to him useless to think about +such matters. Public affairs and politics failed to interest him +because he believed that the country was in the hands of a mob and +that the "grafters would run things anyway." He called eloquence +spell-binding, and sentiment slush,--sentiment, that is, in books +and on the stage,--and he was indulgently inclined to suspect that +there was something "in it" for whoever appeared to be essaying a +benevolent enterprise. Respectable, liberal-handed, habitually +amused, slightly caustic, he looked out for the good of himself and +those related to him and considered that he was justified in +closing his corporate regards at that point. He had no cant and no +hypocrisy, no pose and no fads. A sane, aggressive, self-centered, +rational materialist of the American brand, it was not only his +friends who thought him a fine fellow. He himself would have +admitted so much and have been perfectly justified in so doing.</p> +<p>Kate received flowers, books, and sweets from him, and now and +then he asked her why he had lost ground with her. Sometimes he +would say:--</p> +<p>"I can see a conservative policy is the one for me, Kate, where +you're concerned. I'm going to lie low so as not to give you a +chance to send me whistling."</p> +<p>Once, when he grew picturesquely melancholy, she refused to +receive his offerings. She told him he was making a villainess out +of her, and that she'd end their meetings. But at that he promised +so ardently not to be ardent that she forgave him and continued to +read the novels and to tend the flowers he brought her. They went +for walks together; sometimes she lunched with him in the city, and +on pleasant evenings they attended open-air concerts. He tried to +be discreet, but in August, with the full moon, he had a relapse. +Kate gave him warning; he persisted,--the moon really was quite +wonderful that August,--and then, to his chagrin, he received a +postcard from Silvertree. Kate had gone to see her father.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>She would not have gone but for a chance word in one of Wander's +letters.</p> +<p>"I hear your father is still living," he wrote. "That is so +good! I have no parents now, but I like to remember how happy I was +when I had them. I was young when my mother died, but father lived +to a good age, and as long as he was alive I had some one to do +things for. He always liked to hear of my exploits. I was a hero to +him, if I never was to any one else. It kept my heart warmed up, +and when he went he left me very lonely, indeed."</p> +<p>Kate reddened with shame when she read these words. Had Honora +told him how she had deserted her father--how she had run from him +and his tyranny to live her own life, and was he, Wander, meaning +this for a rebuke? But she knew that could not be. Honora would +have kept her counsel; she was not a tattler. Karl was merely +congratulating her on a piece of good fortune, apparently. It threw +a new light on the declaration of independence that had seemed to +her to be so fine. Was old-time sentiment right, after all? The +ancient law, "Honor thy father and thy mother," did not put in the +proviso, "if they are according to thy notion of what they should +be."</p> +<p>So Kate was again at Silvertree and in the old, familiar and now +lifeless house. It was not now a caressed and pampered home; there +was no longer any one there to trick it out in foolish affectionate +adornments. In the first half-hour, while Kate roamed from room to +room, she could hardly endure the appalling blankness of the place. +No stranger could have felt so unwelcomed as she did--so alien, so +inconsolably homeless.</p> +<p>She was waiting for her father when he came home, and she hoped +to warm him a little by the surprise of her arrival. But it was his +cue to be deeply offended with her.</p> +<p>"Hullo, Kate," he said, nodding and holding out his hand with a +deliberately indifferent gesture.</p> +<p>"Oh, see here, dad, you know you've got to kiss me!" she +cried.</p> +<p>So he did, rather shamefacedly, and they sat together on the +dusty veranda and talked. He had been well, he said, but he was far +from looking so. His face was gray and drawn, his lips were pale, +and his long skillful surgeon's hands looked inert and weary. When +he walked, he had the effect of dragging his feet after him.</p> +<p>"Aren't you going to take a vacation, dad?" Kate demanded. "If +ever a man appeared to be in need of it, you do."</p> +<p>"What would I do with a vacation? And where could I go? I'd look +fine at a summer resort, wouldn't I, sitting around with idle +fools? If I could only go somewhere to get rid of this damned +neurasthenia that all the fool women think they've got, I'd go; but +I don't suppose there's such a place this side of the Arctic +Circle."</p> +<p>Kate regarded him for a moment without answering. She saw he was +almost at the end of his strength and a victim of the very malady +against which he was railing. The constant wear and tear of country +practice, year in and year out, had depleted him of a magnificent +stock of energy and endurance. Perhaps, too, she had had her share +of responsibility in his decline, for she had been severe with him; +had defied him when she might have comforted him. She forgot his +insolence, his meanness, his conscienceless hectoring, as she saw +how his temples seemed fallen in and how his gray hair straggled +over his brow. It was she who assumed the voice of authority +now.</p> +<p>"There's going to be a vacation," she announced, "and it will be +quite a long one. Put your practice in the hands of some one else, +let your housekeeper take a rest, and then you come away with me. +I'll give you three days to get ready."</p> +<p>He cast at her the old sharp, lance-like look of opposition, but +she stood before him so strong, so kind, so daughterly (so +motherly, too), that, for one of the few times in his life of +senseless domination and obstinacy, he yielded. The tears came to +his eyes.</p> +<p>"All right, Kate," he said with an accent of capitulation. He +really was a broken old man.</p> +<p>She passed a happy evening with him looking over advertisements +of forest inns and fishing resorts, and though no decision was +reached, both of them went to bed in a state of pleasant +anticipation. The following day she took his affairs in hand. The +housekeeper was delighted at her release; a young physician was +pleased to take charge of Dr. Barrington's patients.</p> +<p>Kate made him buy new clothes,--he had been wearing winter +ones,--and she set him out in picturesque gear suiting his lank +length and old-time manner. Then she induced him to select a place +far north in the Wisconsin woods, and the third day they were +journeying there together.</p> +<p>It seemed quite incredible that the dependent and affectionate +man opposite her was the one who had filled her with fear and +resentment such a short time ago. She found herself actually +laughing aloud once at the absurdity of it all. Had her dread of +him been fortuitous, his tyranny a mere sham? Had he really liked +her all the time, and had she been a sensitive fool? She would have +thought so, indeed, but for the memory of the perplexed and +distracted face of her mother, the cringing and broken spirit of +her who missed truth through an obsession of love. No, no, a tyrant +he had been, one of a countless army of them!</p> +<p>But now he leaned back on his seat very sad of eye, inert of +gesture, without curiosity or much expectancy. He let her do +everything for him. She felt her heart warming as she served him. +She could hardly keep herself from stooping to kiss his great brow; +the hollows of his eyes when he was sleeping moved her to a passion +of pity. After all, he was her own; and now she had him again. The +bitterness of years began to die, and with it much of that secret, +instinctive aversion to men--that terror of being trapped and held +to some uninspiring association or dragging task.</p> +<p>For now, when her father awoke from one of his many naps, he +would turn to her with: "Have I slept long, Kate?" or "We'll be +going in to lunch soon, I suppose, daughter?" or "Will it be very +long now before we reach our destination?"</p> +<p>It was reached at dawn of an early autumn day, and they drove +ten miles into the pine woods. The scented silence took them. They +were at "God's green caravansarie," and the rancor that had +poisoned their hearts was gone. They turned toward each other in +common trust, father and daughter, forgiving, if not all +forgetting, the hurt and angry years.</p> +<p>"It really was your cousin who brought it about," Kate wrote +Honora. "He reminded me that I was fortunate to have a father. You +see, I hadn't realized it! Oh, Honora, what a queer girl I +am--always having to think things out! Always making myself +miserable in trying to be happy! Always going wrong in striving to +be right! I should think the gods would make Olympus ring laughing +at me! I once wrote your cousin that women of my sort were worn out +with their struggle to reconcile their convictions and their +instincts. And that's true. That's what is making them so restless +and so strange and tumultuous. But of course I can't think it their +fault--merely their destiny. Something is happening to them, but +neither they nor any one else can quite tell what it is."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Dr. Barrington was broken, no question about that. Even the +stimulation of the incomparable air of those Northern woods could +not charge him with vitality. He lay wrapped in blankets, on the +bed improvised for him beneath the trees, or before the leaping +fire in the inn, with the odors of the burning pine about him, and +he let time slip by as it would.</p> +<p>The people at the inn thought they never had seen a more devoted +daughter than his. She sat beside him while he slept; she read or +talked to him softly when he awakened; she was at hand with some +light but sustaining refreshment whenever he seemed depressed or +too relaxed. But there were certain things which the inn people +could not make out. The sick man had the air of having forgiven +this fine girl for something. He received her service like one who +had the right to expect it. He was tender and he was happy, but he +was, after all, the dominator. Nor could they quite make out the +girl, who smiled at his demands,--which were sometimes +incessant,--and who obeyed with the perfect patience of the strong. +They did not know that if he had once been an active tyrant, he was +now a supine one. As he had been unable, for all of his +intelligence, to perceive the meaning of justice from the old +angle, so he was equally unable to get it from his present point of +view. He had been harsh with his daughter in the old days; so much +he would have admitted. That he would have frustrated her +completely, absorbed and wasted her power, he could not perceive. +He did not surmise that he was now doing in an amiable fashion what +he hitherto had tried to do in a masterful and insolent one. He did +not realize that the tyranny of the weak is a more destructive +thing when levelled at the generous than the tyranny of the +strong.</p> +<p>Had he been interrupted in mid-career--in those days when his +surgery was sure and bold--to care for a feeble and complaining +wife, he would have thought himself egregiously abused. That Kate, +whose mail each day exceeded by many times that which he had +received in his most influential years, whose correspondence was +with persons with whom he could not at any time have held +communication, should be taken from her active duties appeared to +him as nothing. He was a sick father. His daughter attended him in +love and dutifulness. He was at peace--and he knew she was doing +her duty. It really did not occur to him that she or any one else +could have looked at the matter in a different light, or that any +loving expression of regret was due her. Such sacrifices were +expected of women. They were not expected of men, although men +sometimes magnificently performed them.</p> +<p>To tell the truth, no such idea occurred to Kate either. She was +as happy as her father. At last, in circumstances sad enough, she +had reached a degree of understanding with him. She had no thought +for the inconvenience under which she worked. She was more than +willing to sit till past the middle of the night answering her +letters, postponing her engagements, sustaining her humbler and +more unhappy friends--those who were under practical parole to +her--with her encouragement, and always, day by day, extending the +idea of the Bureau of Children. For daily it took shape; daily the +system of organization became more apparent to her. She wrote to +Ray McCrea about it; she wrote to Karl Wander on the same subject. +It seemed to suffice or almost to suffice her. It kept her from +anticipating the details of the melancholy drama which was now +being enacted before her eyes.</p> +<p>For her father was passing. His weakness increased, and his +attitude toward life became one of gentle indifference. He was +homesick for his wife, too. Though he had seemed to take so little +satisfaction in her society, and had not scrupled when she was +alive to show the contempt he felt for her opinions, now he liked +to talk of her. He had made a great outcry against sentiment all of +his life, but in his weakness he found his chief consolation in it. +He had been a materialist, denying immortality for the soul, but +now he reverted to the phrases of pious men of the past +generation.</p> +<p>"I shall be seeing your mother soon, Kate," he would say +wistfully, holding his daughter's hand. Kate was involuntarily +touched by such words, but she was ashamed for him, too. Where was +all his hard-won, bravely flaunted infidelity? Where his scientific +outlook?</p> +<p>It was only slowly, and as the result of her daily and nightly +association with him, that she began to see how his acquired +convictions were slipping away from him, leaving the sentiments and +predilections which had been his when he was a boy. Had he never +been a strong man, really, and had his violence of opinion and his +arrogance of demeanor been the defences erected by a man of +spiritual timidity and restless, excitable brain? Had his +assertiveness, like his compliance, been part and parcel of a mind +not at peace, not grounded in a definite faith? Perhaps he had been +afraid of the domination of his gentle wife with her soft +insistence, and had girded at her throughout the years because of +mere fanatic self-esteem. But now that she had so long been beyond +the reach of his whimsical commands, he turned to the thought of +her like a yearning child to its mother.</p> +<p>"If you hadn't come when you did, Kate," he would say, weeping +with self-pity, "I should have died alone. I wouldn't own to any +one how sick I was. Why, one night I was so weak, after being out +thirty-six hours with a sick woman, that I had to creep upstairs on +my hands and knees." He sobbed for a moment piteously, his nerves +too tattered to permit him to retain any semblance of self-control. +Kate tried in vain to soothe him. "What would your mother have +thought if you had let me die alone?" he demanded of her.</p> +<p>It was useless for her to say that he had not told her he was +ill. He was in no condition to face the truth. He was completely +shattered--the victim of a country physician's practice and of an +unrestrained irritability. Her commiseration had been all that was +needed to have him yield himself unreservedly to her care.</p> +<p>It had been her intention to stay in the woods with him for a +fortnight, but the end of that time found his lassitude increasing +and his need for her greater than ever. She was obliged to ask for +indefinite leave of absence. A physician came from Milwaukee once a +week to see him; and meantime quiet and comfort were his best +medicines.</p> +<p>The autumn began to deepen. The pines accentuated their +solemnity, and out on the roadways the hazel bushes and the sumac +changed to canary, to russet, and to crimson. For days together the +sky would be cloudless, and even in the dead of night the vault +seemed to retain its splendor. There are curious cloths woven on +Persian and on Turkish looms which appear to the casual eye to be +merely black, but which held in sunlight show green and blue, +purple and bronze, like the shifting colors on a duck's back. Kate, +pacing back and forth in the night after hours of concentrated +labor,--labor which could be performed only when her father was +resting,--noted such mysterious and evasive hues in her Northern +sky. Never had she seen heavens so triumphant. True, the stars +shone with a remote glory, but she was more inspired by their +enduring, their impersonal magnificence, than she could have been +by anything relative to herself.</p> +<p>A year ago, had she been so isolated, she might have found +herself lonely, but it was quite different now. She possessed links +with the active world. There were many who wanted her--some for +small and some for great things. She felt herself in the stream of +life; it poured about her, an invisible thing, but strong and deep. +Sympathy, understanding, encouragement, reached her even there in +her solitude and heartened her. Weary as she often was physically, +drained as she could not but be mentally, her heart was warm and +full.</p> +<p>October came and went bringing little change in Dr. Barrington's +condition. It did not seem advisable to move him. Rest and care +were the things required; and the constant ministrations of a +physician would have been of little benefit. Kate prayed for a +change; and it came, but not as she had hoped. One morning she went +to her father to find him terribly altered. It was as if some +blight had fallen upon him in the night. His face was gray in hue, +his pulse barely fluttering, though his eyes were keener than they +had been, as if a sudden danger had brought back his old force and +comprehension. Even the tone in which he addressed her had more of +its old-time quality. It was the accent of command, the voice he +had used as a physician in the sick-room, though it was faint.</p> +<p>"Send for Hudson," he said. "We'll be needing him, Kate. The +fight's on. Don't feel badly if we fail. You've done your +best."</p> +<p>It was six hours before the physician arrived from +Milwaukee.</p> +<p>"I couldn't have looked for anything like this," he said to +Kate. "I thought he was safe--that six months' rest would see him +getting about again."</p> +<p>They had a week's conflict with the last dread enemy of man, and +they lost. Dr. Barrington was quite as much aware of the +significance of his steady decline as any one. He had practical, +quiet, encouraging talks with his daughter. He sent for an attorney +and secured his property to her. Once more, as in his brighter +days, he talked of important matters, though no longer with his old +arrogance. He seemed to comprehend at last, fully and proudly, that +she was the inheritor of the best part of him. Her excursive +spirit, her inquisitive mind, were, after all, in spite of all +differences, his gift to her. He gave her his good wishes and +begged her to follow whatever forces had been leading her. It was +as if, in his weakness, he had sunk for a period into something +resembling childhood and had emerged from it into a newer, finer +manhood.</p> +<p>"I kept abreast of things in my profession," he said, "but in +other matters I was obstinate. I liked the old way--a man at the +helm, and the crew answering his commands. No matter how big a fool +the man was, I still wanted him at the helm." He smiled at her +brightly. There was, indeed, a sort of terrible brilliancy about +him, the result, perhaps, of heroic artificial stimulation. But +these false fires soon burned themselves out. One beautiful Sunday +morning they found him sinking. He himself informed his physician +that it was his day of transition.</p> +<p>"I've only an hour or two more, Hudson," he whispered +cheerfully. "Feel that pulse!"</p> +<p>"Oh, we may manage to keep you with us some time yet, Dr. +Barrington," said the other with a professional attempt at +optimism.</p> +<p>But the older man shook his head.</p> +<p>"Let's not bother with the stock phrases," he said. "Ask my +daughter to come. I'd like to look at her till the last."</p> +<p>So Kate sat where he could see her, and they coaxed the +fluttering heart to yet a little further effort. Dr. Barrington +supervised everything; counted his own pulse; noted its decline +with his accustomed accuracy.</p> +<p>The sunlight streamed into the room through the tall shafts of +trees; outside the sighing of the pines was heard, rising now and +then to a noble requiem. It lifted Kate's soul on its deep +harmonies, and she was able to bear herself with fortitude.</p> +<p>"It's been so sweet to be with you, dear," she murmured in the +ears which were growing dull to earthly sounds. "Say that I've made +up to you a little for my willfulness. I've always loved +you--always."</p> +<p>"I know," he whispered. "I understand--everything--now!"</p> +<p>In fact, his glance answered hers with full comprehension.</p> +<p>"The beat is getting very low now, Doctor," he murmured, the +fingers of his right hand on his left wrist; "very +infrequent--fifteen minutes more--"</p> +<p>Dr. Hudson tried to restrain him from his grim task of noting +his own sinking vitality, but the old physician waved him off.</p> +<p>"It's very interesting," he said. It seemed so, indeed. Suddenly +he said quite clearly and in a louder voice than he had used that +day: "It has stopped. It is the end!"</p> +<p>Kate sprang to her feet incredulously. There was a moment of +waiting so tense that the very trees seemed to cease their moaning +to listen. In all the room there was no sound. The struggling +breath had ceased. The old physician had been correct--he had +achieved the thing he had set himself to do. He had announced his +own demise.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXII"></a>XXII</h2> +<p>Kate had him buried beside the wife for whom he had so +inconsistently longed. She sold the old house, selected a few +keepsakes from it, disposed of all else, and came, late in +November, back to the city. Marna's baby had been born--a little +bright boy, named for his father. Mrs. Barsaloux, relenting, had +sent a layette of French workmanship, and Marna was radiantly +happy.</p> +<p>"If only <i>tante</i> will come over for Christmas," Marna +lilted to Kate, "I shall be almost too happy to live. How good she +was to me, and how ungrateful I seemed to her! Write her to come, +Kate, mavourneen. Tell her the baby won't seem quite complete till +she's kissed it."</p> +<p>So Kate wrote Mrs. Barsaloux, adding her solicitation to +Marna's. Human love and sympathy were coming to seem to her of more +value than anything else in the world. To be loved--to be +companioned--to have the vast loneliness of life mitigated by +fealty and laughter and tenderness--what was there to take the +place of it?</p> +<p>Her heart swelled with a desire to lessen the pain of the world. +All her egotism, her self-assertion, her formless ambitions had got +up, or down, to that,--to comfort the comfortless, to keep evil +away from little children, to let those who were in any sort of a +prison go free. Yet she knew very well that all of this would lack +its perfect meaning unless there was some one to say to her--to her +and to none other: "I understand."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Mrs. Barsaloux did not come to America at Christmas time. Karl +Wander did not--as he had thought he might--visit Chicago. The +holiday season seemed to bring little to Kate except a press of +duties. She aspired to go to bed Christmas night with the +conviction that not a child in her large territory had spent a +neglected Christmas. This meant a skilled coöperation with +other societies, with the benevolently inclined newspapers, and +with generous patrons. The correspondence involved was necessarily +large, and the amount of detail to be attended to more than she +should have undertaken, unaided, but she was spurred on by an +almost consuming passion of pity and sisterliness. That sensible +detachment which had marked her work at the outset had gradually +and perhaps regrettably disappeared. So far from having outgrown +emotional struggle, she seemed now, because of something that was +taking place in her inner life, to be increasingly susceptible to +it.</p> +<p>Her father's death had taken from her the last vestige of a +home. She had now no place which she could call her own, or to +which she would instinctively turn at Christmas time. To be sure, +there were many who bade her to their firesides, and some of these +invitations she accepted with gratitude and joy. But she could, of +course, only pause at the hearthstones of others. Her thoughts +winged on to other things--to the little poor homes where her +wistful children dwelt, to the great scheme for their care and +oversight which daily came nearer to realization.</p> +<p>A number of benevolent women--rich in purse and in a passion for +public service--desired her to lecture. She was to explain the +meaning of the Bureau of Children at the state federations of +women's clubs, in lyceum courses, and wherever receptive audiences +could be found. They advised, among other things, her attendance at +the biennial meeting of the General Federation of Women's Clubs +which was meeting that coming spring in Southern California.</p> +<p>The time had been not so far distant when she would have had +difficulty in seeing herself in the rôle of a public +lecturer, but now that she had something imperative to say, she did +not see herself in any "rôle" at all. She ceased to think +about herself save as the carrier of a message.</p> +<p>Her Christmas letter from Wander was at once a disappointment +and a shock.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<blockquote>"I've made a mess of things," he wrote, "and do not +intend to intrude on you until I have shown myself more worthy of +consideration. I try to tell myself that my present fiasco is not +my fault, but I've more than a suspicion that I'm playing the +coward's part when I think that. You can be disappointed in me if +you like. <i>I'm</i> outrageously disappointed. I thought I was +made of better stuff.<br> +<br> +"I don't know when I'll have time for writing again, for I shall be +very busy. I suppose I'll think about you more than is good for me. +But maybe not. Maybe the thoughts of you will be crowded out. I'm +rather curious to see. It would be better for me if they would, for +I've come to a bad turn in the road, and when I get around it, +maybe all of the old familiar scenes--the window out of which your +face looked, for example--will be lost to me. I send my good wishes +to you all the same. I shall do that as long as I have a brain and +a heart.<br> +<br> +"Faithfully,<br> +<br> +"WANDER."</blockquote> +<p>"That means trouble," reflected Kate, and had a wild desire to +rush to his aid.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>That she did not was owing partly--only partly--to another +letter which, bearing an English postmark, indicated that Ray +McCrea, who had been abroad for a month on business, was turning +his face toward home. What he had to say was this:--</p> +<blockquote>"DEAREST KATE:--<br> +<br> +"I'm sending you a warning. In a few days I'll be tossing on that +black sea of which I have, in the last few days, caught some +discouraging glimpses. It doesn't look as if it meant to let me see +the Statue of Liberty again, but as surely as I do, I'm going to go +into council with you.<br> +<br> +"I imagine you know mighty well what I'm going to say. For years +you've kept me at your call--or, rather, for years I have kept +myself there. You've discouraged me often, in a tolerant fashion, +as if you thought me too young to be dangerous, or yourself too +high up to be called to account. I've been patient, chiefly because +I found your society, as a mere recipient of my awkward attentions, +too satisfactory to be able to run the risk of foregoing it. But if +I were to sit in the outer court any longer I would be +pusillanimous. I'm coming home to force you to make up that strange +mind of yours, which seems to be forever occupying itself with the +thing far-off and to-be-hoped-for, rather than with what is near at +hand.<br> +<br> +"You'll have time to think it over. You can't say I've been +precipitate.<br> +<br> +"Yours--always,<br> +<br> +"RAY."</blockquote> +<p>At that she flashed a letter to Colorado.</p> +<p>"What is your cousin's trouble?" she asked Honora. "Is it at the +mines?"</p> +<p>"It's at the mines," Honora replied. "Karl's life has been and +is in danger. Friends have warned me of that again and again. +There's no holding these people--these several hundred Italians +that poor Karl insisted upon regarding as his wards, his 'adopted +children.' They're preparing to leave their half-paid-for homes and +their steady work, and to go threshing off across the country in +the wave of a hard-drinking, hysterical labor leader. He has them +inflamed to the explosive point. When they've done their worst, +Karl may be a poor man. Not that he worries about that; but he's +likely to carry down with him friends and business associates. Of +course this is not final. He may win out, but such a catastrophe +threatens him.</p> +<p>"But understand, all this is not what is tormenting him and +turning him gaunt and haggard. No, as usual, the last twist of the +knife is given by a woman. In this case it is an Italian girl, +Elena Cimiotti, the daughter of one of the strikers and of the +woman who does our washing for us. She's a beautiful, wild +creature, something as you might suppose the daughter of Jorio to +be. She has come for the washing and has brought it home again for +months past, and Karl, who is thoughtful of everybody, has assisted +her with her burden when she was lifting it from her burro's back +or packing it on the little beast. Sometimes he would fetch her a +glass of water, or give her a cup of tea, or put some fruit in her +saddle-bags. You know what a way he has with all women! I suppose +it would turn any foolish creature's head. And he has such an +impressive way of saying things! What would be a casual speech on +the tongue of another becomes significant, when he has given one of +his original twists to it. I think, too, that in utter disregard of +Italian etiquette he has sometimes walked on the street with this +girl for a few steps. He is like a child in some ways,--as trusting +and unconventional,--and he wants to be friends with everybody. I +can't tell whether it is because he is such an aristocrat that it +doesn't occur to him that any one can suspect him of losing caste, +or because he is such a democrat that he doesn't know it +exists.</p> +<p>"However that may be, the girl is in love with him. These +Italian girls are modest and well-behaved ordinarily, but when once +their imagination is aroused they are like flaming meteors. They +have no shame because they can't see why any one should be ashamed +of love (and, to tell the truth, I can't either). But this girl +believes Karl has encouraged her. I suppose she honestly believed +that he was sweethearting. He is astounded and dismayed. At first +both he and I thought she would get over it, but she has twice been +barely prevented from killing herself. Of course her countrymen +think her desperately ill-treated. She is the handsomest girl in +the settlement, and she has a number of ardent admirers. To the +hatred which they have come to bear Karl as members of a strike +directed against him, they now add the element of personal +jealousy.</p> +<p>"So you see what kind of a Christmas we are having! I have had +Mrs. Hays take the babies to Colorado Springs, and if anything +happens to us here, I'll trust to you to see to them. You, who mean +to look after little children, look after mine above all others, +for their mother gave you, long since, her loving friendship. I +would rather have you mother my babies, maiden though you are, than +any woman I know, for I feel a great force in you, Kate, and +believe you are going on until you get an answer to some of the +questions which the rest of us have found unanswerable.</p> +<p>"Karl wants me to leave, for there is danger that the ranch +house may be blown up almost any time. These men play with dynamite +as if it were wood, anyway, and they make fiery enemies. Every act +of ours is spied upon. Our servants have left us, and Karl and I, +obstinate as mules and as proud as sheiks, after the fashion of our +family, hold the fort. He wants me to go, but I tell him I am more +interested in life than I ever dared hope I would be again. I have +been bayoneted into a fighting mood, and I find it magnificent to +really feel alive again, after crawling in the dust so long, with +the taste of it in my mouth. So don't pity me. As for Karl--he +looks wild and strange, like the Flying Dutchman with his spectral +hand on the helm. But I don't know that I want you to pity him +either. He is a curious man, with a passionate soul, and if he +flares out like a torch in the wind, it will be fitting enough. No, +don't pity us. Congratulate us rather."</p> +<p>"Now what," said Kate aloud, "may that mean?"</p> +<p>"Congratulate us!"</p> +<p>The letter had a note of reckless gayety. Had Honora and Karl, +though cousins, been finding a shining compensation there in the +midst of many troubles? It sounded so, indeed. Elena Cimiotti might +swing down the mountain roads wearing mountain flowers in her hair +if she pleased, and Kate would not have thought her dangerous to +the peace of Karl Wander. If the wind were wild and the leaves +driving, he might have kissed her in some mad mood. So much might +be granted--and none, not even Elena, be the worse for it. But to +live side by side with Honora Fulham, to face danger with her, to +have the exhilaration of conflict, they two together, the mountains +above them, the treacherous foe below, a fortune lost or gained in +a day, all the elements of Colorado's gambling chances of life and +fortune at hand, might mean--anything.</p> +<p>Well, she would congratulate them! If Honora could forget a +shattered heart so soon, if Wander could take it on such easy +terms, they were entitled to congratulations of a sort. And if they +were killed some frantic night,--were blown to pieces with their +ruined home, and so reached together whatever lies beyond this +life,--why, then, they were to be congratulated, indeed! Or if they +evaded their enemies and swung their endangered craft into the +smooth stream of life, still congratulations were to be theirs.</p> +<p>She confessed to herself that she would rather be in that lonely +beleaguered house facing death with Karl Wander than be the +recipient of the greatest honor or the participant in the utmost +gayety that life could offer.</p> +<p>That the fact was fantastic made it none the less a fact.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Should she write to Honora: "I congratulate you?"</p> +<p>Or should she wire Karl?</p> +<p>She got out his letters, and his words were as a fresh wind +blowing over her spirit. She realized afresh how this man, seen but +once, known only through the medium of infrequent letters, had +invigorated her. What had he not taught her of compassion, of "the +glory of the commonplace," of duty eagerly fulfilled, of the +abounding joy of life--even in life shadowed by care or sickness or +poverty?</p> +<p>No, she would write them nothing. They were her friends in +fullness of sympathy. They, like herself, were of those to whom +each day and night is a privilege, to whom sorrow is an enrichment, +delight an unfoldment, opposition a spur. They were of the company +of those who dared to speak the truth, who breathed deep, who +partook of the banquet of life without fear.</p> +<p>She had seen Honora in the worst hour of tribulation that can +come to a good woman, and she knew she had arisen from her +overthrow, stronger for the trial; now Karl was battling, and he +had cried out to her in his pain--his shame of defeat. But it would +not be his extinction. She was sure of that. They might, among +them, slay his body, but she could not read his letters, so full of +valiant contrasts, and doubt that his spirit must withstand all +adversaries.</p> +<p>No, sardonic with these two she could never be. Like that poor +Elena, she might have mistaken Wander's meanings. He was a man of +too elaborate gestures; something grandiose, inherently his, made +him enact the drama of life with too much fervor. It was easy, +Honora had insinuated, for a woman to mistake him!</p> +<p>Kate gripped her two strong hands together and clasped them +about her head in the first attitude of despair in which she ever +had indulged in her life. She was ashamed! Honora had said there +was nothing to be ashamed of in love. But Kate would not call this +meeting of her spirit with Karl's by that name. She had no idea +whether it was love or not. On the whole, she preferred to think +that it was not. But when they faced each other, their glances had +met. When they had parted, their thoughts had bridged the space. +When she dreamed, she fancied that she was mounting great solitary +peaks with him to look at sunsets that blazed like the end of the +world; or that he and she were strong-winged birds seeking the +crags of the Andes. What girl's folly! The time had come to put +such vagrant dreams from her and to become a woman, indeed.</p> +<p>Ray telephoned that he was home.</p> +<p>"Come up this evening, then," commanded Kate.</p> +<p>Then, not being as courageous as her word, she wept brokenly for +her mother--the mother who could, at best, have given her but such +indeterminate advice.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXIII"></a>XXIII</h2> +<br> +<p>As she heard Ray coming up the stairs, she tossed some more wood +on the fire and lighted the candles in her Russian +candlesticks.</p> +<p>"It's what any silly girl would do!" she admitted to herself +disgustedly.</p> +<p>Well, there was his rap on the foolish imitation Warwick +knocker. Kate flung wide the door. He stood in the dim light of the +hall, hesitating, it would seem, to enter upon the evening's drama. +Tall, graceful as always, with a magnetic force behind his languor, +he impressed Kate as a man whom few women would be able to resist; +whom, indeed, it was a sort of folly, perhaps even an impiety, to +cast out of one's life.</p> +<p>"Kate!" he said, "Kate!" The whole challenge of love was in the +accent.</p> +<p>But she held him off with the first method of opposition she +could devise.</p> +<p>"My name!" she admitted gayly. "I used to think I didn't like +it, but I do."</p> +<p>He came in and swung to the door behind him, flinging his coat +and hat upon a chair.</p> +<p>"Do you mean you like to hear me say it?" he demanded. He stood +by the fire which had begun to leap and crackle, drawing off his +gloves with a decisive gesture.</p> +<p>She saw that she was not going to be able to put him off. The +hour had struck. So she faced him bravely.</p> +<p>"Sit down, Ray," she said.</p> +<p>He looked at her a moment as if measuring the value of this +courtesy.</p> +<p>"Thank you," he said, almost resentfully, as he sank into the +chair she placed for him.</p> +<p>So they sat together before the fire gravely, like old married +people, as Kate could not help noticing. Yet they were combatants; +not as a married couple might have been, furtively and miserably, +but with a frank, almost an exhilarating, sense of equally matched +strength, and of their chance to conduct their struggle in the +open.</p> +<p>"It's come to this, Kate," he said at length. "Either I must +have your promise or I stay away entirely."</p> +<p>"I don't believe you need to do either," she retorted with the +exasperating manner of an elder sister. "It's an obsession with +you, that's all."</p> +<p>"What man thinks he needs, he does need," Ray responded +sententiously. "It appears to me that without you I shall be a lost +man. I mean precisely what I say. You wouldn't like me to give out +that fact in an hysterical manner, and I don't see that I need to. +I make the statement as I would make any other, and I expect to be +believed, because I'm a truth-telling person. The fairest scene in +the world or the most interesting circumstance becomes meaningless +to me if you are not included in it. It isn't alone that you are my +sweetheart--the lady of my dreams. It's much more than that. +Sometimes when I'm with you I feel like a boy with his mother, safe +from all the dreadful things that might happen to a child. +Sometimes you seem like a sister, so really kind and so outwardly +provoking. Often you are my comrade, and we are completely +congenial, neuter entities. The thing is we have a satisfaction +when we are together that we never could apart. There it is, Kate, +the fact we can't get around. We're happier together than we are +apart!"</p> +<p>He seemed to hold the theory up in the air as if it were a +shining jewel, and to expect her to look at it till it dazzled her. +But her voice was dull as she said: "I know, Ray. I know--now--but +shall we stay so?"</p> +<p>"Why shouldn't we, woman? There's every reason to suppose that +we'd grow happier. We want each other. More than that, we need each +other. With me, it's such a deep need that it reaches to the very +roots of my being. It's my groundwork, my foundation stone. I don't +know how to put it to make you realize--"</p> +<p>He caught a quizzical smile on her face, and after a moment of +bewilderment he leaped from his chair and came toward her.</p> +<p>"God!" he half breathed, "why do I waste time talking?"</p> +<p>He had done what her look challenged him to do,--had substituted +action for words,--yet now, as he stretched out his arms to her, +she held him off, fearful that she would find herself weeping on +his breast. It would be sweet to do it--like getting home after a +long voyage. But dizzily, with a stark clinging to a rock of +integrity in herself, she fought him off, more with her militant +spirit than with her outspread, protesting hands.</p> +<p>"No, no," she cried. "Don't hypnotize me, Ray! Leave me my +judgment, leave me my reason. If it's a partnership we're to enter +into, I ought to know the terms."</p> +<p>"The terms, Kate? Why, I'll love you as long as I live; I'll +treasure you as the most precious thing in all the world."</p> +<p>"And the winds of heaven shall not be allowed to visit my cheek +too roughly," she managed to say tantalizingly.</p> +<p>He paused, perplexed.</p> +<p>"I know I bewilder you, dear man," she said. "But this is the +point: I don't want to be protected. I mean I don't want to be made +dependent; I don't want my interpretations of life at second-hand. +I object to having life filter through anybody else to me; I want +it, you see, on my own account."</p> +<p>"Why, Kate!" It wasn't precisely a protest. He seemed rather to +reproach her for hindering the onward sweep of their happiness--for +opposing him with her ideas when they might together have attained +a beautiful emotional climax.</p> +<p>"I couldn't stand it," she went on, lifting her eyes to his, "to +be given permission to do this, that, or the other thing; or to be +put on an allowance; or made to ask a favor--"</p> +<p>He sank down in his chair and folded across his breast the arms +whose embrace she had not claimed.</p> +<p>"You seem to mean," he said, "that you don't want to be a wife. +You prefer your independence to love."</p> +<p>"I want both," Kate declared, rising and standing before him. "I +want the most glorious and abounding love woman ever had. I want so +much of it that it never could be computed or measured--so much it +will lift me up above anything that I now am or that I know, and +make me stronger and freer and braver."</p> +<p>"Well, that's what your love would do for me," broke in McCrea. +"That's what the love of a good woman is expected to do for a +man."</p> +<p>"Of course," cried Kate; "but is that what the love of a good +man is expected to do for a woman? Or is it expected to reconcile +her to obscurity, to the dimming of her personality, and to the +endless petty sacrifices that ought to shame her--and don't--those +immoral sacrifices about which she has contrived to throw so many +deceiving, iridescent mists of religion? Oh, yes, we are hypnotized +into our foolish state of dependence easily enough! I know that. +The mating instinct drugs us. I suppose the unborn generations +reach out their shadowy multitudinous hands and drag us to our +destiny!"</p> +<p>"What a woman you are! How you put things!" He tried but failed +to keep the offended look from his face, and Kate knew perfectly +well how hard he was striving not to think her indelicate. But she +went on regardlessly.</p> +<p>"You think that's the very thing I ought to want to be my +destiny? Well, perhaps I do. I want children--of course, I want +them."</p> +<p>She stopped for a moment because she saw him flushing with +embarrassment. Yet she couldn't apologize, and, anyway, an apology +would avail nothing. If he thought her unwomanly because she talked +about her woman's life,--the very life to which he was inviting +her,--nothing she could say would change his mind. It wasn't a case +for argument. She walked over to the fire and warmed her nervous +hands at it.</p> +<p>"I'm sorry, Ray," she said finally.</p> +<p>"Sorry?"</p> +<p>"Sorry that I'm not the tender, trusting, maiden-creature who +could fall trembling in your arms and love you forever, no matter +what you did, and lie to you and for you the way good wives do. But +I'm not--and, oh, I wish I were--or else--"</p> +<p>"Yes, Kate--what?"</p> +<p>"Or else that you were the kind of a man I need, the mate I'm +looking for!"</p> +<p>"But, Kate, I protest that I am. I love you. Isn't that enough? +I'm not worthy of you, maybe. Yet if trying to earn you by being +loyal makes me worthy, then I am. Don't say no to me, Kate. It will +shatter me--like an earthquake. And I believe you'll regret it, +too. We can make each other happy. I feel it! I'd stake my life on +it. Wait--"</p> +<p>He arose and paced the floor back and forth.</p> +<p>"Do you remember the lines from Tennyson's 'Princess' where the +Prince pleads with Ida? I thought I could repeat them, but I'm +afraid I'll mar them. I don't want to do that; they're too +applicable to my case."</p> +<p>He knew where she kept her Tennyson, and he found the volume and +the page, and when he had handed the book to her, he snatched his +coat and hat.</p> +<p>"I'm coming for my answer a week from to-night," he said. "For +God's sake, girl, don't make a mistake. Life's so short that it +ought to be happy. At best I'll only be able to live with you a few +decades, and I'd like it to be centuries."</p> +<p>He had not meant to do it, she could see, but suddenly he came +to her, and leaning above her burned his kisses upon her eyes. Then +he flung himself out of the room, and by the light of her guttering +candles she read:--</p> +<blockquote>"Come down, O maid, from yonder mountain height.<br> +What pleasure lives in height (the shepherd sang).<br> +In height and cold, the splendor of the hills?<br> +But cease to move so near the Heavens, and cease<br> +To glide a sunbeam by the blasted pine,<br> +To sit a star upon the sparkling spire;<br> +And come, for Love is of the valley, come thou down<br> +And find him; by the happy threshold, he<br> +Or hand in hand with Plenty in the maize,<br> +Or red with spirted purple of the vats,<br> +Or foxlike in the vine; nor cares to walk<br> +With Death and Morning on the Silver Horns,<br> +Nor wilt thou snare him in the white ravine,<br> +Nor find him dropped upon the firths of ice,<br> +That huddling slant in furrow-cloven falls<br> +To roll the torrent out of dusky doors;<br> +But follow; let the torrent dance thee down<br> +To find him in the valley; let the wild<br> +Lean-headed eagles yelp alone, and leave<br> +The monstrous ledges there to slope, and spill<br> +Their thousand wreaths of dangling water-smoke,<br> +That like a broken purpose waste in air;<br> +So waste not thou; but come; for all the vales<br> +Await thee; azure pillars of the hearth<br> +Arise to thee; the children call, and I<br> +Thy shepherd pipe, and sweet is every sound,<br> +Sweeter thy voice, but every sound is sweet;<br> +Myriads of rivulets hurrying thro' the lawn,<br> +The moan of doves in immemorial elms,<br> +And murmuring of innumerable bees."</blockquote> +<p>She read it twice, soothed by its vague loveliness. She could +hear, however, only the sound of the suburban trains crashing by in +the distance, and the honking of the machines in the Plaisance. +None of those spirit sounds of which Ray had dreamed penetrated +through her vigorous materialism. But still, she knew that she was +lonely; she knew Ray's going left a gray vacancy.</p> +<p>"I can't think it out," she said at last. "I'll go to sleep. +Perhaps there--"</p> +<p>But neither voices nor visions came to her in sleep. She awoke +the next morning as unillumined as when she went to her bed. And as +she dressed and thought of the full day before her, she was +indefinably glad that she was under no obligations to consult any +one about her programme, either of work or play.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXIV"></a>XXIV</h2> +<br> +<p>Kate had dreaded the expected solitude of the next night, and it +was a relief to her when Marna Fitzgerald telephoned that she had +been sent opera-tickets by one of her old friends in the opera +company, and that she wanted Kate to go with her.</p> +<p>"George offers to stay home with the baby," she said. "So come +over, dear, and have dinner with us; that will give you a chance to +see George. Then you and I will go to the opera by our two +independent selves. I know you don't mind going home alone. +'Butterfly' is on, you know--Farrar sings."</p> +<p>She said it without faltering, Kate noticed, as she gave her +enthusiastic acceptance, and when she had put down the telephone, +she actually clapped her hands at the fortitude of the little woman +she had once thought such a hummingbird--and a hummingbird with +that one last added glory, a voice. Marna had been able to put her +dreams behind her; why should not her example be cheerfully +followed?</p> +<p>When Kate reached the little apartment looking on Garfield Park, +she entered an atmosphere in which, as she had long since proved, +there appeared to be no room for regret. Marna had, of course, +prepared the dinner with her own hands.</p> +<p>"I whipped up some mayonnaise," she said. "You remember how +Schumann-Heink used to like my mayonnaise? And she knows good +cooking when she tastes it, doesn't she? I've trifle for desert, +too."</p> +<p>"But it must have taken you all day, dear, to get up a dinner +like that," protested Kate, kissing the flushed face of her +friend.</p> +<p>"It took up the intervals," smiled Marna. "You see, my days are +made up of taking care of baby, <i>and</i> of intervals. How +fetching that black velvet bodice is, Kate. I didn't know you had a +low one."</p> +<p>"Low <i>and</i> high," said Kate. "That's the way we fool +'em--make 'em think we have a wardrobe. Me--I'm glad I'm going to +the opera. How good of you to think of me! So few do--at least in +the way I want them to."</p> +<p>Marna threw her a quick glance.</p> +<p>"Ray?" she asked with a world of insinuation.</p> +<p>To Kate's disgust, her eyes flushed with hot tears.</p> +<p>"He's waiting to know," she answered. "But I--I don't think I'm +going to be able--"</p> +<p>"Oh, Kate!" cried Marna in despair. "How can you feel that way? +Just think--just think--" she didn't finish her sentence.</p> +<p>Instead, she seized little George and began undressing him, her +hands lingering over the firm roundness of his body. He seemed to +be anything but sleepy, and when his mother passed him over to her +guest, Kate let him clutch her fingers with those tenacious little +hands which looked like rose-leaves and clung like briers. Marna +went out of the room to prepare his bedtime bottle, and Kate took +advantage of being alone with him to experiment in those joys which +his mother had with difficulty refrained from descanting upon. She +kissed him in the back of the neck, and again where his golden +curls met his brow--a brow the color of a rose crystal. A +delicious, indescribable baby odor came up from him, composed of +perfumed breath, of clean flannels, and of general adorability. +Suddenly, not knowing she was going to do it, Kate snatched him to +her breast, and held him strained to her while he nestled there, +eager and completely happy, and over the woman who could not make +up her mind about life and her part in it, there swept, in wave +after wave, like the south wind blowing over the bleak hills, +billows of warm emotion. Her very finger-tips tingled; soft, +wistful, delightful tears flooded her eyes. Her bosom seemed to +lift as the tide lifts to the moon. She found herself murmuring +inarticulate, melodious nothings. It was a moment of realization. +She was learning what joys could be hers if only--</p> +<p>Marna came back into the room and took the baby from Kate's +trembling hands.</p> +<p>"Why, dear, you're not afraid of him, are you?" his mother asked +reproachfully.</p> +<p>Kate made no answer, but, dropping a farewell kiss in the +crinkly palm of one dimpled hand, she went out to the kitchen, +found an apron, and began drawing the water for dinner and dropping +Marna's mayonnaise on the salad. She must, however, have been +sitting for several minutes in the baby's high chair, staring +unseeingly at the wall, when the buzzing of the indicator brought +her to her feet.</p> +<p>"It's George!" cried Marna; and tossing baby and bottle into the +cradle, she ran to the door.</p> +<p>Kate hit the kitchen table sharply with a clenched hand. What +was there in the return of a perfectly ordinary man to his home +that should cause such excitement in a creature of flame and dew +like Marna?</p> +<blockquote>"Marna with the trees' life<br> + In her veins a-stir!<br> +Marna of the aspen heart--"</blockquote> +<p>George came into the kitchen with both hands outstretched.</p> +<p>"Well, it's good to see you here," he declared. "Why don't you +come oftener? You make Marna so happy."</p> +<p>That proved her worthy; she made Marna happy! Of what greater +use could any person be in this world? George retired to prepare +for dinner, and Marna to settle the baby for the night, and Kate +went on with the preparations for the meal, while her thoughts +revolved like a Catherine wheel.</p> +<p>There were the chops yet to cook, for George liked them blazing +from the broiler, and there was the black coffee to set over. This +latter was to fortify George at his post, for it was agreed that he +was not to sleep lest he should fail to awaken at the need and +demand of the beloved potentate in the cradle; and Marna now needed +a little stimulant if she was to keep comfortably awake during a +long evening--she who used to light the little lamps in the windows +of her mind sometime after midnight.</p> +<p>They had one of those exclamatory dinners where every one talked +about the incomparable quality of the cooking. The potatoes were +after a new recipe,--something Spanish,--and they tasted +deliciously and smelled as if assailing an Andalusian heaven. The +salad was <i>piquante</i>; the trifle vivacious; Kate's bonbons +were regarded as unique, and as for the coffee, it provoked Marna +to quote the appreciative Talleyrand:--</p> +<blockquote>"Noir comme le diable,<br> +Chaud comme l'enfer,<br> +Pur comme un ange,<br> +Doux comme l'amour."</blockquote> +<p>Other folk might think that Marna had "dropped out," but Kate +could see it written across the heavens in letters of fire that +neither George nor Marna thought so. They regarded their table as +witty, as blessed in such a guest as Kate, as abounding in +desirable food, as being, indeed, all that a dinner-table should +be. They had the effect of shutting out a world which clamored to +participate in their pleasures, and looked on themselves as being +not forgotten, but too selfish in keeping to themselves. It kept +little streams of mirth purling through Kate's soul, and at each +jest or supposed brilliancy she laughed twice--once with them and +once at them. But they were unsuspicious--her friends. They were +secretly sorry for her, that was all.</p> +<p>After dinner there was Marna to dress.</p> +<p>"Naturally I haven't thought much about evening clothes since I +was married," she said to Kate. "I don't see what I'm to put on +unless it's my immemorial gold-of-ophir satin." She looked rather +dubious, and Kate couldn't help wondering why she hadn't made a +decision before this. Marna caught the expression in her eyes.</p> +<p>"Oh, yes, I know I ought to have seen to things, but you don't +know what it is, mavourneen, to do all your own work and care for a +baby. It makes everything you do so staccato! And, oh, Kate, I do +get so tired! My feet ache as if they'd come off, and sometimes my +back aches so I just lie on the floor and roll and groan. Of +course, George doesn't know. He'd insist on our having a servant, +and we can't begin to afford that. It isn't the wages alone; it's +the waste and breakage and all."</p> +<p>She said this solemnly, and Kate could not conceal a smile at +her "daughter of the air" using these time-worn domestic +plaints.</p> +<p>"You ought to lie down and sleep every day, Marna. Wouldn't that +help?"</p> +<p>"That's what George is always saying. He thinks I ought to sleep +while the baby is taking his nap. But, mercy me, I just look +forward to that time to get my work done."</p> +<p>She turned her eager, weary face toward Kate, and her friend +marked the delicacy in it which comes with maternity. It was pallid +and rather pinched; the lips hung a trifle too loosely; the veins +at the temples showed blue and full. Kate couldn't beat down the +vision that would rise before her eyes of the Marna she had known +in the old days, who had arisen at noon, coming forth from her +chamber like Deirdre, fresh with the freshness of pagan delight. +She remembered the crowd that had followed in her train, the manner +in which people had looked after her on the street, and the little +furore she had invariably awakened when she entered a shop or +tea-room. As Marna shook out the gold-of-ophir satin, dimmed now +and definitely out of date, there surged up in her friend a +rebellion against Marna's complete acquiescence in the present +scheme of things. But Marna slipped cheerfully into her gown.</p> +<p>"I shall keep my cloak on while we go down the aisle," she +declared. "Nobody notices what one has on when one is safely +seated. Particularly," she added, with one of her old-time flashes, +"if one's neck is not half bad. Now I'm ready to be fastened, +mavourneen. Dear me, it <i>is</i> rather tight, isn't it? But never +mind that. Get the hooks together somehow. I'll hold my breath. +Now, see, with this scarf about me, I shan't look such a terrible +dowd, shall I? Only my gloves are unmistakably shabby and not any +too clean, either. George won't let me use gasoline, you know, and +it takes both money and thought to get them to the cleaners. Do you +remember the boxes of long white gloves I used to have in the days +when <i>tante</i> Barsaloux was my fairy godmother? Gloves were an +immaterial incident then. 'Nevermore, nevermore,' as our friend the +raven remarked. Come, we'll go. I won't wear my old opera cloak in +the street-car; that would be too absurd, especially now that the +bullion on it has tarnished. That long black coat of mine is just +the thing--equally appropriate for market, mass, or levee. Oh, +George, dear, good-bye! Good-bye, you sweetheart. I hate to leave +you, truly I do. And I do hope and pray the baby won't wake. If he +does--"</p> +<p>"Come along, Marna," commanded Kate. "We mustn't miss that next +car."</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>They barely were in their seats when the lights went up, and +before them glittered the Auditorium, that vast and noble audience +chamber identified with innumerable hours of artistic satisfaction. +The receding arches of the ceiling glittered like incandescent +nebulae; the pictured procession upon the proscenium arch spoke of +the march of ideas--of the passionate onflow of man's dreams--of +whatever he has held beautiful and good.</p> +<p>Kate yielded herself over to the deep and happy sense of +completion which this vast chamber always gave her, and while she +and Marna sat there, silent, friendly, receptive, she felt her +cares and frets slipping from her, and guessed that the drag of +Mama's innumerable petty responsibilities was disappearing, too. +For here was the pride of life--the power of man expressed in +architecture, and in the high entrancement of music. The rich folds +of the great curtain satisfied her, the innumerable lights +enchanted her, and the loveliness of the women in their fairest +gowns and their jewels added one more element to that indescribable +thing, compacted of so many elements,--all artificial, all +curiously and brightly related,--which the civilized world calls +opera, and in which man rejoices with an inconsistent and more or +less indefensible joy.</p> +<p>The lights dimmed; the curtain parted; the heights above +Nagasaki were revealed. Below lay the city in purple haze; beyond +dreamed the harbor where the battleships, the merchantmen and the +little fishing-boats rode. The impossible, absurd, exquisite +music-play of "Madame Butterfly" had begun.</p> +<p>Oh, the music that went whither it would, like wind or woman's +hopes; that lifted like the song of a bird and sank like the +whisper of waves. Vague as reverie, fitful as thought, yearning as +frustrate love, it fluttered about them.</p> +<p>"The new music," whispered Marna.</p> +<p>"Like flame leaping and dying," responded Kate.</p> +<p>They did not realize the passage of time. They passed from +chamber to chamber in that gleaming house of song.</p> +<p>"This was the best of all to me," breathed Marna, as Farrar's +voice took up the first notes of that incomparable song of woven +hopes and fears, "Some Day He'll Come." The wild cadences of the +singer's voice, inarticulate, of universal appeal, like the cry of +a lost child or the bleating of a lamb on a windy hill,--were they +mere singing? Or were they singing at all? Yes, the new singing, +where music and drama insistently meet.</p> +<p>The tale, heart-breaking for beauty and for pathos, neared its +close. Oh, the little heart of flame expiring at its loveliest! Oh, +the loyal feet that waited--eager to run on love's errands--till +dawn brought the sight of faded flowers, the suddenly bleak +apartment, the unpressed couch! Then the brave, swift flight of the +spirit's wings to other altitudes, above pain and shame! And like +love and sorrow, refined to a poignant essence, still the music +brooded and cried and aspired.</p> +<p>What visions arose in Marna's brain, Kate wondered, quivering +with vicarious anguish. Glancing down at her companion's small, +close-clasped hands, she thought of their almost ceaseless toil in +those commonplace rooms which she called home, and for the two in +it--the ordinary man, the usual baby. And she might have had all +this brightness, this celebrity, this splendid reward for high +labor!</p> +<p>The curtain closed on the last act,--on the little dead +Cio-Cio-San,--and the people stood on their feet to call Farrar, +giving her unstintedly of their <i>bravas</i>. Kate and Marna stood +with the others, but they were silent. There were large, glistening +tears on Marna's cheeks, and Kate refrained from adding to her +silent singing-bird's distress by one word of appreciation of the +evening's pleasure; but as they moved down the thronged aisle +together, she caught Marna's hand in her own, and felt her fingers +close about it tenaciously.</p> +<p>Outside a bitter wind was blowing, and with such purpose that it +had cleared the sky of the day's murk so that countless stars +glittered with unwonted brilliancy from a purple-black heaven. +Crowded before the entrance were the motors, pouring on in a steady +stream, their lamps half dazzling the pedestrians as they struggled +against the wind that roared between the high buildings.</p> +<p>Though Marna was to take the Madison Street car, they could not +resist the temptation to turn upon the boulevard where the scene +was even more exhilarating. The high standing lights that guarded +the great drive offered a long and dazzling vista, and between +them, sweeping steadily on, were the motor-cars. Laughing, talking, +shivering, the people hastened along--the men of fashion stimulated +and alert, their women splendid in furs and cloaks of velvet while +they waited for their conveyances; by them tripped the music +students, who had been incomparably happy in the highest balcony, +and who now cringed before the penetrating cold; among them marched +sedately the phalanx of middle-class people who permitted +themselves an opera or two a year, and who walked sedately, +carrying their musical feast with a certain sense of +indigestion;--all moved along together, thronging the wide +pavement. The restaurants were awaiting those who had the courage +for further dissipation; the suburban trains had arranged their +schedules to convenience the crowd; and the lights burned low in +the hallways of mansions, or apartments, or neat outlying houses, +awaiting the return of these adventurers into another world--the +world of music. All would talk of Farrar. Not alone that night, nor +that week, but always, as long as they lived, at intervals, when +they were happy, when their thoughts were uplifted, they would talk +of her. And it might have been Marna Cartan instead of Geraldine +Farrar of whom they spoke!</p> +<p>"Marna of the far quest" might have made this "flight +unhazarded"; might have been the core of all this fine excitement. +But she had put herself out of it. She had sold herself for a +price--the usual price. Kate would not go so far as to say that a +birthright had been sold for a mess of pottage, but Ray McCrea's +stock was far below par at that moment. Yet Ray, as she admitted, +would not doom her to a life of monotony and heavy toil. With him +she would have the free and useful, the amusing and excursive life +of an American woman married to a man of wealth. No, her programme +would not be a petty one--and yet--</p> +<p>"Do take a cab, Marna," she urged. "My treat! Please."</p> +<p>"No, no," said Marna in a strained voice. "I'll not do that. A +five-cent ride in the car will take me almost to my door; and +besides the cars are warm, which is an advantage."</p> +<p>It was understood tacitly that Kate was the protector, and the +one who wouldn't mind being on the street alone. They had but a +moment to wait for Marna's car, but in that moment Kate was +thinking how terrible it would be for Marna, in her worn evening +gown, to be crowded into that common conveyance and tormented with +those futile regrets which must be her so numerous companions.</p> +<p>She was not surprised when Marna snatched her hand, +crying:--</p> +<p>"Oh, Kate!"</p> +<p>"Yes, yes, I know," murmured Kate soothingly.</p> +<p>"No, you don't," retorted Marna. "How can you? It's--it's the +milk."</p> +<p>There was a catch in her voice.</p> +<p>"The milk!" echoed Kate blankly. "What milk? I thought--"</p> +<p>"Oh, I know," Marna cried impatiently. "You thought I was +worrying about that old opera, and that I wanted to be up there +behind that screen stabbing myself. Well, of course, knowing the +score so well, and having hoped once to do so much with it, the +notes did rather try to jump out of my throat. But, goodness, what +does all that matter? It's the baby's milk that I'm carrying on +about. I don't believe I told George to warm it." Her voice ceased +in a wail.</p> +<p>The car swung around the corner, and Kate half lifted Marna up +the huge step, and saw her go reeling down the aisle as the +cumbersome vehicle lurched forward. Then she turned her own steps +toward the stairs of the elevated station.</p> +<p>"The milk!" she ejaculated with commingled tenderness and +impatience. "Then that's why she didn't say anything about going +behind the scenes. I thought it was because she couldn't endure the +old surroundings and the pity of her associates of the opera-days. +The milk! I wonder--"</p> +<p>What she wondered she did not precisely say; but more than one +person on the crowded elevated train noticed that the handsome +woman in black velvet (it really was velveteen, purchased at a +bargain) had something on her mind.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXV"></a>XXV</h2> +<br> +<p>Kate slept lightly that night. She had gone to bed with a sense +of gentle happiness, which arose from the furtive conviction that +she was going to surrender to Ray and to his point of view. He +could take all the responsibility if he liked and she would follow +the old instincts of woman and let the Causes of Righteousness with +which she had allied herself contrive to get along without her. It +was nothing, she told herself, but sheer egotism for her to suppose +that she was necessary to their prosperity.</p> +<p>She half awoke many times, and each time she had a vague, sweet +longing which refused to resolve itself into definite shape. But +when the full morning came she knew it was Ray she wanted. She +couldn't wait out the long week he had prescribed as a season of +fasting and prayer before she gave her answer, and she was +shamelessly glad when her superior, over there at the Settlement +House, informed her that she would be required to go to a +dance-hall at South Chicago that night--a terrible place, which +might well have been called "The Girl Trap." This gave Kate a +legitimate excuse to ask for Ray's company, because he had besought +her not to go to such places at night without his escort.</p> +<p>"But ought I to be seeing you?" he asked over the telephone in +answer to her request. "Wouldn't it be better for my cause if I +stayed away?"</p> +<p>In spite of the fact that he laughed, she knew he was quite in +earnest, and she wondered why he hadn't discerned her compliant +mood from her intonations.</p> +<p>"But I had to mind you, hadn't I?" she sent back. "You said I +mustn't go to such places without you."</p> +<p>From her tone she might have been the most betendriled feminine +vine that ever wrapped a self-satisfied masculine oak.</p> +<p>"Oh, I'll come," he answered. "Of course I'll come. You knew you +had only to give me the chance."</p> +<p>He was on time, impeccable, as always, in appearance. Kate was +glad that he was as tall as she. She knew, down in her inner +consciousness, that they made a fine appearance together, that they +stepped off gallantly. It came to her that perhaps they were to be +envied, and that they weren't--or at least that she wasn't--giving +their good fortune its full valuation.</p> +<p>She told him about her dinner with the Fitzgeralds and about the +opera, but she held back her discovery, so to speak, of the baby, +and the episode of Marna's wistful tears when she heard the music, +and her amazing <i>volte-face</i> at remembering the baby's +feeding-time. She would have loved to spin out the story to +him--she could have deepened the colors just enough to make it all +very telling. But she wasn't willing to give away the reason for +her changed mood. It was enough, after all, that he was aware of +it, and that when he drew her hand within his arm he held it in a +clasp that asserted his right to keep it.</p> +<p>They were happy to be in each other's company again. Kate had to +admit it. For the moment it seemed to both of them that it didn't +matter much where they went so long as they could go together. They +rode out to South Chicago on the ill-smelling South Deering cars, +crowded with men and women with foreign faces. One of the men trod +on Kate's foot with his hobnailed shoe and gave an inarticulate +grunt by way of apology.</p> +<p>"He's crushed it, hasn't he?" asked Ray anxiously, seeing the +tears spring to her eyes. "What a brute!"</p> +<p>"Oh, it was an accident," Kate protested. "Any one might have +done it."</p> +<p>"But anyone except that unspeakable Huniack would have done more +than grunt!"</p> +<p>"I dare say he doesn't know English," Kate insisted. "He'll +probably remember the incident longer and be sorrier about it than +some who would have been able to make graceful apologies."</p> +<p>"Not he," declared Ray. "Don't you think it! Bless me, Kate, why +you prefer these people to any others passes my comprehension. +Can't you leave these people to work out their own salvation--which +to my notion is the only way they ever can get it--and content +yourself with your own kind and class?"</p> +<p>"Not variety enough," retorted Kate, feeling her tenderness +evaporate and her tantalizing mood--her usual one when she was with +Ray--come back. "Don't I know just what you, for example, are going +to think and say about any given circumstances? Don't I know your +enthusiasms and reactions as if I'd invented 'em?"</p> +<p>"Well, I know yours, too, but that's because I love you, not +because you're like everybody else. I wish you were rather more +like other women, Kate. I'd have an easier time."</p> +<p>"If we were married," said Kate, with that cheerful directness +which showed how her sentimentality had taken flight, "you'd never +give up till you'd made me precisely like Mrs. Brown, Mrs. Smith, +and Mrs. Johnson. Men fall in love with women because they're +different from other women, and then put in the first years of +their married life trying to make them like everybody else. I've +noticed, however, that when they've finished the job, they're so +bored with the result that they go and look up another 'different' +woman. Oh, I know!"</p> +<p>He couldn't say what he wished in reply because the car filled +up just then with a party of young people bound for a dance in +Russell Square. It always made Kate's heart glow to think of things +like that--of what the city was trying to do for its people. These +young people came from small, comfortable homes, quite capacious +enough for happiness and self-respect, but not large enough for a +dance. Very well; all that was needed was a simple request for the +use of the field-house and they could have at their disposal a +fine, airy hall, well-warmed and lighted, with an excellent floor, +charming decorations, and a room where they might prepare their +refreshments. All they had to pay for was the music. Proper +chaperonage was required and the hall closed at midnight. Kate +descanted on the beauties of the system till Ray yawned.</p> +<p>"Think how different it is at the dance-hall where we are +going," she went on, not heeding his disinclination for the +subject. "They'll keep it up till dawn and drink between every +dance. There's not a party of the kind the whole winter through +that doesn't see the steps of some young girl set toward +destruction. Oh, I can't see why it isn't stopped! If women had the +management of things, it would be, I can tell you. It would take +about one day to do it."</p> +<p>"That's one of the reasons why the liquor men combine to kill +suffrage," said Ray. "They know it will be a sorry day for them +when the women get in. Positively, the women seem to think that's +all there is to politics--some moral question; and the whole truth +is they'd do a lot of damage to business with their slap-dash +methods, as they'd learn to their cost. When they found their +pin-money being cut down, they'd sing another tune, for they're the +most reckless spenders in the world, American women are."</p> +<p>"They're the purchasing agents for the most extravagant nation +in the world, if you like," Kate replied. "Men seem to think that +shopping is a mere feminine diversion. They forget that it's what +supports their business and supplies their homes. Not to speak of +any place beyond our own town, think of the labor involved in +buying food and clothing for the two million and a half human +beings here in Chicago. It's no joke, I assure you."</p> +<p>"Joke!" echoed Ray. "A good deal of the shopping I've seen at my +father's store seems to me to come under the head of vice. The look +I've seen on some of those faces! It was ravaging greed, nothing +less. Why, we had a sale the other day of cheap jewelry, salesmen's +samples, and the women swarmed and snatched and glared like +savages. I declare, when I saw them like that, so indecently eager +for their trumpery ornaments, I said to myself that you'd only to +scratch the civilized woman to get at the squaw any day."</p> +<p>Kate kept a leash on her tongue. She supposed it was inevitable +that they should get back to the old quarrel. Deep down in Ray, she +felt, was an unconquerable contempt for women. He made an exception +of her because he loved her; because she drew him with the +mysterious sex attraction. It was that, and not any sense of +spiritual or intellectual approval of her, which made him set her +apart as worthy of admiration and of his devoted service. If ever +their lives were joined, she would be his treasure to be kept close +in his personal casket,--with the key to the golden padlock in his +pocket,--and he would all but say his prayers to her. But all that +would not keep him from openly discountenancing her judgment before +people. She could imagine him putting off a suggestion of hers with +that patient married tone which husbands assume when they discover +too much independent cerebration on the part of their wives.</p> +<p>"I couldn't stand that," she inwardly declared, as she let him +think that he was assisting her from the car. "If any man ever used +that patient tone to me, I'd murder him!"</p> +<p>She couldn't keep back her sardonic chuckle.</p> +<p>"What are you laughing at?" he asked irritatedly.</p> +<p>"At the mad world, master," she answered.</p> +<p>"Where is this dance-hall?" he demanded, as if he suspected her +of concealing it.</p> +<p>The tone was precisely the "married" one she had been imagining, +and she burst out with a laugh that made him stop and visibly wrap +his dignity about him. Nothing was more evident than that he +thought her silly. But as she paused, too, standing beneath the +street-lamp, and he saw her with her nonchalant tilt of her +head,--that handsome head poised on her strong, erect body,--her +force and value were so impressed upon him that he had to retract. +But she was provoking, no getting around that.</p> +<p>At that moment another sound than laughter cut the air--a +terrible sound--the shriek of a tortured child. It rang out three +times in quick succession, and Kate's blood curdled.</p> +<p>"Oh, oh," she gasped; "she's being beaten! Come, Ray."</p> +<p>"Mix up in some family mess and get slugged for my pains? Not I! +But I'll call a policeman if you say."</p> +<p>"Oh, it might be too late! I'm a policeman, you know. Get the +patrol wagon if you like. But I can't stand that--"</p> +<p>Once more that agonized scream! Kate flashed from him into the +mesh of mean homes, standing three deep in each yard, flanking each +other with only a narrow passage between, and was lost to him. He +couldn't see where she had gone, but he knew that he must follow. +He fell down a short flight of steps that led from the street to +the lower level of the yard, and groped forward. He could hear +people running, and when a large woman, draping her wrapper about +her, floundered out of a basement door near him, he followed her. +She seemed to know where to go. The squalid drama with the same +actors evidently had been played before.</p> +<p>Mid-length of the building the woman turned up some stairs and +came to a long hall which divided the front and rear stairs. At the +end of it a light was burning, and Kate's voice was ringing out +like that of an officer excoriating his delinquent troops.</p> +<p>"I'm glad you can't speak English," he heard her say, "for if +you could I'd say things I'd be sorry for. I'd shrivel you up, you +great brute. If you've got the devil in you, can't you take it out +on some one else beside a little child? You're her father, are you? +She has no mother, I suppose. Well, you 're under arrest, do you +understand? Tell him, some of you who can talk English. He's to sit +in that chair and never move from it till the patrol wagon comes. I +shall care for the child myself, and she'll be placed where he +can't treat her like that again. Poor little thing! Thank you, +that's a good woman. Just hold her awhile and comfort her. I can +see you've children of your own."</p> +<p>Ray found the courage at length to peer above the heads of the +others in that miserable, crowded room. The dark faces of weary men +and women, heavy with Old-World, inherited woe, showed in the +gloom. The short, shaking man on the chair, dully contrite for his +spasm of rage, was cringing before Kate, who stood there, amazingly +tall among these low-statured beings. Never had she looked to Ray +so like an eagle, so keen, so fierce, so fit for braving either sun +or tenebrous cavern. She dominated them all; had them, who only +partly understood what she said, at her command. She had thrown +back her cloak, and the star of the Juvenile Court officer which +she wore carried meaning to them. Though perhaps it had not needed +that. Ray tried to think her theatrical, to be angry at her, but +the chagrin of knowing that she had forgotten him, and was not +caring about his opinion, scourged his criticisms back. She had +lifted from the floor the stick with its leathern thong with which +the man had castigated the tender body of his motherless child. She +held it in her hand, looking at it with the angry aversion that she +might have turned upon a venomous serpent. Then slowly, with +unspeakable rebuke, she swung her gaze upon the wretch in the +chair. For a moment she silently accused him. Then he dropped his +head in his hands and sobbed. He seemed in his voiceless way to say +that he, too, had been castigated by a million invisible thongs +held in dead men's hands, and that his soul, like his child's body, +was hideous with welts.</p> +<p>Kate turned to Ray.</p> +<p>"Is the patrol wagon on its way?" she inquired.</p> +<p>"I--I--didn't call it," he stammered.</p> +<p>"Please do," she said simply.</p> +<p>He went out of the room, silently raging, and was grateful that +one of the men followed to show him the patrol box. He waited +outside for the wagon to come, and when the officers brought out +the shaking prisoner, he saw Kate with them carrying the child in +her arms.</p> +<p>"I must go to the station," she said to Ray, in a matter-of-fact +tone that put him far away from her. "So I'll say good-night. It +wouldn't be pleasant for you to ride in the wagon, you know. I'll +be quite all right. One of the officers will see me safe home. +Anyway, I shall have to go to the dance-hall before the evening's +over."</p> +<p>"Kate!" he protested.</p> +<p>"Oh, I know," she said to him apart softly while the others +concerned themselves with assisting the blubbering Huniack into the +wagon, "you think it isn't nice of me to be going around like this, +saving babies from beatings and young girls from much worse. You +think it isn't ladylike. But it's what the coming lady is either +going to do or see done. It's a new idea, you understand, Ray. +Quite different from the squaw idea, isn't it? Good-night!"</p> +<p>An officer stood at the door of the wagon waiting for her. He +touched his hat and smiled at her in a comradely fashion, and she +responded with as courteous a bow as she ever had made to Ray.</p> +<p>The wagon drove off.</p> +<p>"I've been given my answer," said Ray aloud. He wondered if he +were more relieved or disappointed at the outcome. But really he +could neither feel nor think reasonably. He went home in a tumult, +dismayed at his own sufferings, and in no condition to realize that +the old ideas and the new were at death grips in his +consciousness.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXVI"></a>XXVI</h2> +<br> +<p>Karl Wander rode wearily up the hill on his black mare. Honora +saw him coming and waved to him from the window. There was no one +to put up his horse, and he drove her into the stables and fed her +and spread her bed while Honora watched what he and she had +laughingly termed "the outposts." For she believed she had need to +be on guard, and she thanked heaven that all of the approaches to +the house were in the open and that there was nothing nearer than +the rather remote grove of piñon trees which could shelter +any creeping enemy.</p> +<p>Wander came on at last to the house, making his way deliberately +and scorning, it would seem, all chance of attack. But Honora's +ears fairly reverberated with the pistol shot which did not come; +the explosion which was now so long delayed. She ran to open the +door for him and to drag him into the friendly kitchen, where, in +the absence of any domestic help, she had spread their evening +meal.</p> +<p>There was a look in his face which she had not seen there +before--a look of quietude, of finality.</p> +<p>"Well?" she asked.</p> +<p>He flung his hat on a settle and sat down to loosen his +leggings.</p> +<p>"They've gone," he said, "bag and baggage."</p> +<p>"The miners?"</p> +<p>"Yes, left this afternoon--confiscated some trains and made the +crews haul them out of town. They shook their fists at the mines +and the works as if they had been the haunt of the devil. I +couldn't bring myself to skulk. I rode Nell right down to the +station and sat there till the last carload pulled out with the men +and women standing together on the platform to curse me."</p> +<p>"Karl! How could you? It's a marvel you weren't shot."</p> +<p>"Too easy a mark, I reckon."</p> +<p>"And Elena?"</p> +<p>"Lifted on board by two rival suitors. She didn't even look at +me." He drew a long breath. "I was guiltless in that, Honora. +You've stood by through everything, and you've made a cult of +believing in me, and I want you to know that, so far as Elena was +concerned, you were right to do it. I may have been a fool--but not +consciously--not consciously."</p> +<p>"I know it. I believe you."</p> +<p>A silence fell between them while Honora set the hot supper on +the table and put the tea to draw.</p> +<p>"It's very still," he said finally. "But the stillness here is +nothing to what it is down where my village stood. I've made a +frightful mess of things, Honora."</p> +<p>"No," she said, "you built up; another has torn down. You must +get more workmen. There may be a year or two of depression, but +you're going to win out, Karl."</p> +<p>"I've fought a good many fights first and last, Honora,--fights +you know nothing about. Some of them have been with men, some with +ideas, some of the worst ones with myself. It would be a long story +and a strange one if I were to tell it all."</p> +<p>"I dare say it would."</p> +<p>"I suppose I must seem very strange to a civilized woman like +you, or--or your friend, Kate Barrington."</p> +<p>"You seem very like a brave man, Karl, and an interesting +one."</p> +<p>"But I'm tired, Honora,--extraordinarily tired. I don't feel +like fighting. Quiet and rest are what I'm longing for, and I'm to +begin all over again, it appears. I've got to struggle up again +almost from the bottom."</p> +<p>"Come to supper, Karl. Never mind all that. We have food and we +have shelter. No doubt we shall sleep. Things like that deserve our +gratitude. Accept these blessings. There are many who lack +them."</p> +<p>Suddenly he threw up his arms with a despairing gesture.</p> +<p>"Oh, it isn't myself, Honora, that I'm grieving for! It's those +hot-headed, misguided, wayward fellows of mine! They've left the +homes I tried to help them win, they've followed a self-seeking, +half-mad, wholly vicious agitator, and their lives, that I meant to +have flow on so smoothly, will be troubled and wasted. I know so +well what will happen! And then, their hate! It hangs over me like +a cloud! I'm not supposed to be sensitive. I'm looked on as a +swaggering, reckless, devil-may-care fellow with a pretty good +heart and a mighty sure aim; but I tell you, cousin, among them, +they've taken the life out of me."</p> +<p>"It's your dark hour, Karl. You're standing the worst of it +right now. To-morrow things will look better."</p> +<p>"I couldn't ask a woman to come out here and stand amid this +ruin with me, Honora. You know I couldn't. The only person who +would be willing to share my present life with me would be some +poor, devil-driven creature like Elena--come to think of it, even +she wouldn't! She's off and away with a lover at each elbow!"</p> +<p>"Here!" said Honora imperatively. She held a plate toward him +laden with steaming food.</p> +<p>He arose, took it, seated himself, and tried a mouthful, but he +had to wash it down with water.</p> +<p>"I'm too tired," he said. "Really, Honora, you'll have to +forgive me."</p> +<p>She got up then and lighted the lamp in his bedroom.</p> +<p>"Thank you," he said. "Rest is what I need. It was odd they +didn't shoot, wasn't it? I thought every moment that they +would."</p> +<p>"You surely didn't wish that they would, Karl?"</p> +<p>"No." He paused for a moment at the door. "No--only everything +appeared to be so futile. My bad deeds never turned on me as my +good ones have done. It makes everything seem incoherent. +What--what would a woman like Miss Barrington make of all that--of +harm coming from good?"</p> +<p>"I don't know," said Honora, rather sharply. "She hasn't +written. I told her all the trouble we were in,--the danger and the +distress,--but she hasn't written a word."</p> +<p>"Why should she?" demanded Wander. "It's none of her concern. I +suppose she thinks a fool is best left with his folly. Good-night, +cousin. You're a good woman if ever there was one. What should I +have done without you?"</p> +<p>Honora smiled wanly. He seemed to have forgotten that it was she +who would have fared poorly without him.</p> +<p>She closed up the house for the night, looking out in the bright +moonlight to see that all was quiet. For many days and nights she +had been continually on the outlook for lurking figures, but now +she was inclined to believe that she had overestimated the +animosity of the strikers. After all, try as they might, they could +bring no accusations against the man who, hurt to the soul by their +misunderstanding of him, was now laying his tired head upon his +pillow.</p> +<p>All was very still. The moonlight touched to silver the snow +upon the mountains; the sound of the leaping river was like a +distant flute; the wind was rising with long, wavelike sounds. +Honora lingered in the doorway, looking and listening. Her heart +was big with pity--pity for that disheartened man whose buoyancy +and self-love had been so deeply wounded, pity for those wandering, +angry, aimless men and women who might have rested secure in his +guardianship; pity for all the hot, misguided hearts of men and +women. Pity, too, for the man with the most impetuous heart of them +all, who wandered in some foreign land with a woman whose beauty +had been his lure and his undoing. Yes, she had been given grace in +those days, when she seemed to stand face to face with death, to +pity even David and Mary!</p> +<p>She walked with a slow firm step up to her room, holding her +head high. She had learned trust as well as compassion. She trusted +Karl and the issue of his sorrow. She even trusted the issue of her +own sorrow, which, a short time before, had seemed so shameful. She +threw wide her great windows, and the wind and the moonlight filled +her chamber.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Two days later Karl Wander and Honora Fulham rode together to +the village, now dismantled and desolate.</p> +<p>"I remember," said Karl, "what a boyish pride I took in the +little town at first, Honora, to have built it, and had it called +after me and all. Such silly fools as men are, trying to perpetuate +themselves by such childish methods."</p> +<p>"Perpetuation is an instinct with us," said Honora calmly, +"Immortality is our greatest hope. I'm so thankful I have my +children, Karl. They seem to carry one's personality on, you know, +no matter how different they actually may be from one's self."</p> +<p>"Oh, yes," said Karl, with a short sigh, "you're right there. +You've a beautiful brace of babies, Honora. I believe I'll have to +ask you to appoint me their guardian. I must have some share in +them. It will give me a fresh reason for going on."</p> +<p>"Are you a trifle short of reasons for going on, Karl?" Honora +asked gently, averting her look so that she might not seem to be +watching him.</p> +<p>"Yes, I am," he admitted frankly. "Although, now that the worst +of my chagrin is over at having failed so completely in the pet +scheme of my life, I can feel my fighting blood getting up again. +I'm going to make a success of the town of Wander yet, my cousin, +and those three mines that lie there so silently are going to hum +in the old way. You'll see a string of men pouring in and out of +those gates yet, take my word for it. But as for me, I proceed +henceforth on a humbler policy."</p> +<p>"Humbler? Isn't it humble to be kind, Karl? That's what you were +first and last--kind. You were forever thinking of the good of your +people."</p> +<p>"It was outrageously insolent of me to do it, my cousin. Who am +I that I should try to run another man's affairs? How should I know +what is best for him--isn't he the one to be the judge of that? +patronage, patronage, that's what they can't stand--that's what +natural overmen like myself with amiable dispositions try to impose +on those we think inferior to ourselves. We can't seem to +comprehend that the way to make them grow is to leave them +alone."</p> +<p>"Don't be bitter, Karl."</p> +<p>"I'm not bitter, Honora. I'm rebuked. I'm literal. I'm +instructed. I have brought you down here to talk the situation over +with me. I can get men in plenty to advise me, but I want to know +what you think about a number of things. Moreover, I want you to +tell me what you imagine Miss Barrington would think about +them."</p> +<p>"Why don't you write and ask her?" asked Honora. She herself was +hurt at not having heard from Kate.</p> +<p>"I gave her notice that I wasn't going to write any more," said +Karl sharply. "I couldn't have her counting on me when I wasn't +sure that I was a man to be counted on."</p> +<p>"Oh," cried Honora, enlightened. "That's the trouble, is it? But +still, I should think she'd write to me. I told her of all you and +I were going through together--" she broke off suddenly. Her words +presented to her for the first time some hint of the idea she might +have conveyed to Kate. She smiled upon her cousin beautifully, +while he stared at her, puzzled at her unexpected radiance.</p> +<p>"Kate loves him," she decided, looking at the man beside her +with fresh appreciation of his power. She was the more conscious of +it that she saw him now in his hour of defeat and perceived his +hope and ingenuity, his courage and determination gathering +together slowly but steadily for a fresh effort.</p> +<p>"Dear old Kate," she mused. "Karl rebuffed her in his misery, +and I misled her. If she hadn't cared she'd have written anyway. As +it is--"</p> +<p>But Karl was talking.</p> +<p>"Now there's the matter of the company store," he was saying. +"What would Miss Barrington think about the ethical objections to +that?"</p> +<p>Honora turned her attention to the matter in hand, and when, +late that afternoon, the two rode their jaded horses home, a new +campaign had been planned. Within a week Wander left for Denver. +Honora heard nothing from him for a fortnight. Then a wire came. He +was returning to Wander with five hundred men.</p> +<p>"They're hoboes--pick-ups," he told Honora that night as the two +sat together at supper. "Long-stake and short-stake +men--down-and-outs--vagrants--drunkards, God knows what. I +advertised for them. 'Previous character not called into question,' +was what I said. 'Must open up my mines. Come and work as long as +you feel like it.' I haven't promised them anything and they +haven't promised me anything, except that I give them wages for +work. A few of them have women with them, but not more than one in +twenty. I don't know what kind of a mess the town of Wander will be +now, but at any rate, it's sticking to its old programme of 'open +shop.' Any one who wants to take these fellows away from me is +quite welcome to do it. No affection shall exist between them and +me. There are no obligations on either side. But they seem a +hearty, good-natured lot, and they said they liked my grit."</p> +<p>Something that was wild and reckless in all of the Wanders +flashed in Honora's usually quiet eyes.</p> +<p>"A band of brigands," she laughed. "Really, Karl, I think you'll +make a good chief for them. There's one thing certain, they'll +never let you patronize them."</p> +<p>"I shan't try," declared Karl. "They needn't look to me for +benefits of any sort. I want miners."</p> +<p>Honora chuckled pleasantly and looked at her cousin from the +corner of her eye. She had her own ideas about his ability to +maintain such detachment.</p> +<p>He amused her a little later by telling her how he had formed a +town government and he described the men he had appointed to +office.</p> +<p>"They take it seriously, too," he declared. "We have a +ragamuffin government and regulations that would commend themselves +to the most judicious. 'Pon my soul, Honora, though it's only play, +I swear some of these fellows begin to take on little affectations +of self-respect. We're going to have a council meeting to-morrow. +You ought to come down."</p> +<p>That gave Honora a cue. She was wanting something more to do +than to look after the house, now that servants had again been +secured. It occurred to her that it might be a good idea to call on +the women down at Wander. She was under no error as to their +character. Broken-down followers of weak men's fortunes,--some with +the wedding ring and some without,--they nevertheless were there, +flesh and blood, and possibly heart and soul. Not the ideal but the +actual commended itself to her these days. Kate had taught her that +lesson. So, quite simply, she went among them.</p> +<p>"Call on me when you want anything," she said to them. "I'm a +woman who has seen trouble, and I'd like to be of use to any of you +if trouble should come your way. Anyhow, trouble or no trouble, let +us be friends."</p> +<p>In her simple dress, with her quiet, sad face and her deep eyes, +she convinced them of sincerity as few women could have done. They +bade her enter their doors and sit in their sloven homes amid the +broken things the Italians had left behind them.</p> +<p>"Why not start a furniture shop?" asked Honora. "We could find +some men here who could make plain furniture. I'll see Mr. Wander +about it."</p> +<p>That was a simple enough plan, and she had no trouble in +carrying it out. She got the women to cooperate with her in other +ways. Among them they cleaned up the town, set out some gardens, +and began spending their men's money for necessaries.</p> +<p>"Do watch out," warned Karl; "you'll get to be a Lady +Bountiful--"</p> +<p>"And you a benevolent magnate--"</p> +<p>"Damned if I will! Well, play with your hobo brides if you like, +Honora, but don't look for gratitude or rectitude or any +beatitude."</p> +<p>"Not I," declared Honora. "I'm only amusing myself."</p> +<p>They kept insisting to each other that they had no higher +intention. They were hilarious over their failures and they +persisted in taking even their successes humorously. At first the +"short-stake men" drifted away, but presently they began to drift +back again. They liked it at Wander,--liked being mildly and +tolerantly controlled by men of their own sort,--men with some +vested authority, however, and a reawakened perception of +responsibility. Wander was their town--the hoboes' own city. It was +one of the few places where something was expected of the hobo. +Well, a hobo was a man, wasn't he? The point was provable. A number +of Karl Wander's vagrants chose to prove that they were not +reprobates. Those who had been "down and out" by their own will, or +lack of it, as well as those whom misfortune had dogged, began to +see in this wild village, in the heart of these rich and terrific +mountains, that wonderful thing, "another chance."</p> +<p>"Would Miss Barrington approve of us now?" Karl would sometimes +ask Honora.</p> +<p>"Why should she?" Honora would retort. "We're not in earnest. +We're only fighting bankruptcy and ennui."</p> +<p>"That's it," declared Karl. "By the way, I must scrape up some +more capital somewhere, Honora. I've borrowed everything I could +lay my hands on in Denver. Now I've written to some Chicago +capitalists about my affairs and they show a disposition to help me +out. They'll meet in Denver next week. Perhaps I shall bring them +here. I've told them frankly what my position was. You see, if I +can swing things for six months more, the tide will turn. Do you +think my interesting rabble will stick to me?"</p> +<p>"Don't count on them," said Honora. "Don't count on anybody or +anything. But if you like to take your chance, do it. It's no more +of a gamble than anything else a Colorado man is likely to invest +in."</p> +<p>"You don't think much of us Colorado men, do you, my +cousin?"</p> +<p>"I don't think you are quite civilized," she said. Then a twinge +of memory twisted her face. "But I don't care for civilized men. I +like glorious barbarians like you, Karl."</p> +<p>"Men who are shot at from behind bushes, eh? If I ever have to +hide in a cave, Honora, will you go with me?"</p> +<p>"Yes, and load the guns."</p> +<p>He flashed her a curious look; one which she could not quite +interpret. Was he thinking that he would like her to keep beside +him? For a second, with a thrill of something like fear, this +occurred to her. Then by some mysterious process she read his mind, +and she read it aright. He was really thinking how stirring a thing +life would seem if he could hear words like that from the lips of +Kate Barrington.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXVII"></a>XXVII</h2> +<br> +<p>It had been a busy day for Honora. She had been superintending +the house-cleaning and taking rather an aggressive part in it +herself. She rejoiced that her strength had come back to her, and +she felt a keen satisfaction in putting it forth in service of the +man who had taken her into community of interest with him when, as +he had once put it, she was bankrupted of all that had made her +think herself rich.</p> +<p>Moreover, she loved the roomy, bare house, with its uncurtained +windows facing the mountains, and revealing the spectacles of the +day and night. Because of them she had learned to make the most of +her sleepless hours. The slow, majestic procession in the heavens, +the hours of tumult when the moon struggled through the troubled +sky, the dawns with their swift, wide-spreading clarity, were the +finest diversions she ever had known.</p> +<p>She remembered how, in the old days, she and David had +patronized the unspeakably puerile musical comedies under the +impression that they "rested" them. Now, she was able to imagine +nothing more fatiguing.</p> +<p>They had an early supper, for Karl was leaving for a day or two +in Denver and had to be driven ten miles to the station. He was +unusually silent, and Honora was well pleased that he should be so, +for, though she had kept herself so busily occupied all the day, +she had not been able to rid herself of the feeling that a storm of +memories was waiting to burst upon her. The feeling had grown as +the hours of the day went on, and she at once dreaded and longed +for the solitude she should have when Karl was gone. She was +relieved to find that the little girls were weary and quite ready +for their beds. She watched Karl drive away, standing at the door +for a few moments till she heard his clear voice calling a last +good-bye as the station wagon swept around the piñon grove; +then she locked the house and went to her own room. A fire had been +laid for her, and she touched a match to the kindling, lighted her +lamp, and took up some sewing. But she found herself too weary to +sew, and, moreover, this assailant of recollection was upon her +again.</p> +<p>She had once seen the Northern lights when the many-hued glory +seemed to be poured from vast, invisible pitchers, till it spread +over the floor of heaven and spilled earthward. Her memories had +come upon her like that.</p> +<p>Then she faced the fact she had been trying all day not to +recognize.</p> +<p>It was David's birthday!</p> +<p>She admitted it now, and even had the courage to go back over +the ways they had celebrated the day in former years; at first she +held to the old idea that these recollections made her suffer, but +presently she perceived that it was not so. Had her help come from +the hills, as Karl had told her it would?</p> +<p>She sat so still that she could hear the ashes falling in the +fireplace--so still that the ticking of her watch on the +dressing-table teased her ears. She seemed to be listening for +something--for something beautiful and solemn. And by and by the +thing she had been waiting for came.</p> +<p>It swept into the house as if all the doors and windows had been +thrown wide to receive it. It was as invisible as the wind, as +scentless as a star, as complete as birth or death. It was +peace--or forgiveness--or, in a white way, perhaps it was love.</p> +<p>Suddenly she sprang to her feet.</p> +<p>"David!" she cried. "David! Oh, I <i>believe I +understand!</i>"</p> +<p>She went to her desk, and, as if she were compelled, began to +write. Afterward she found she had written this:--</p> +<blockquote>"DEAR DAVID:--<br> +<br> +"It is your birthday, and I, who am so used to sending you a +present, cannot be deterred now. Oh, David, my husband, you who +fathered my children, you, who, in spite of all, belong to me, let +me tell you how I have at last come, out of the storm of angers and +torments of the past year, into a sheltered room where you seem to +sit waiting to hear me say, 'I forgive you.'<br> +<br> +"That is my present to you--my forgiveness. Take it from me with +lifted hands as if it were a sacrament; feed on it, for it is holy +bread. Now we shall both be at peace, shall we not? You will +forgive me, too, <i>for all I did not do</i>.<br> +<br> +"We are willful children, all of us, and night over-takes us before +we have half learned our lessons.<br> +<br> +"Oh, David--"</blockquote> +<p>She broke off suddenly. Something cold seemed to envelop +her--cold as a crevasse and black as death. She gave a strangled +cry, wrenched the collar from her throat, fighting in vain against +the mounting waves that overwhelmed her.</p> +<p>Long afterward, she shuddered up out of her unconsciousness. The +fire had burned itself out; the lamp was sputtering for lack of +oil. Somewhere in the distance a coyote called. She was dripping +with cold sweat, and had hardly strength to find the thing that +would warm her and to get off her clothes and creep into bed.</p> +<p>At first she was afraid to put out the light. It seemed as if, +should she do so, the very form and substance of Terror would come +and grip her. But after a time, slowly, wave upon wave, the sea of +Peace rolled over her--submerging her. She reached out then and +extinguished the light and let herself sink down, down, through the +obliterating waters of sleep--waters as deep, as cold, as +protecting as the sea.</p> +<p>"Into the Eternal Arms," she breathed, not knowing why.</p> +<p>But when she awakened the next morning in response to the +punctual gong, she remembered that she had said that.</p> +<p>"Into the Eternal Arms."</p> +<p>She came down to breakfast with the face of one who has eaten of +the sacred bread of the spirit.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>The next two days passed vaguely. A gray veil appeared to hang +between her and the realities, and she had the effect of merely +going through the motions of life. The children caused her no +trouble. They were, indeed, the most normal of children, and Mrs. +Hays, their old-time nurse, had reduced their days to an agreeable +system. Honora derived that peculiar delight from them which a +mother may have when she is not obliged to be the bodily servitor +and constant attendant of her children. She was able to feel the +poetry of their childhood, seeing them as she did at fortunate and +picturesque moments; and though their lives were literally braided +into her own,--were the golden threads in her otherwise dun fabric +of existence,--she was thankful that she did not have the task of +caring for them. It would have been torture to have been tied to +their small needs all day and every day. She liked far better the +heavier work she did about the house, her long walks, her rides to +town, and, when Karl was away, her supervision of the ranch. Above +all, there was her work at the village. She could return from that +to the children for refreshment and for spiritual illumination. In +the purity of their eyes, in the liquid sweetness of their voices, +in their adorable grace and caprice, there was a healing force +beyond her power to compute.</p> +<p>During these days, however, her pleasure in them was dim, though +sweet. She had been through a mystic experience which left a +profound influence upon her, and she was too much under the spell +of it even to make an effort to shake it off. She slept lightly and +woke often, to peer into the velvet blackness of the night and to +listen to the deep silence. She was as one who stands apart, the +viewer of some tremendous but uncomprehended event.</p> +<p>The third day she sent the horses for Karl, and as twilight +neared, he came driving home. She heard his approach and threw open +the door for him. He saw her with a halo of light about her, +curiously enlarged and glorified, and came slowly and heavily +toward her, holding out both hands. At first she thought he was +ill, but as his hands grasped hers, she saw that he was not +bringing a personal sorrow to her but a brotherly compassion. And +then she knew that something had happened to David. She read his +mind so far, almost as if it had been a printed page, and she might +have read further, perhaps, if she had waited, but she cried +out:--</p> +<p>"What is it? You've news of David?"</p> +<p>"Yes," he said. "Come in."</p> +<p>"You've seen the papers?" he asked when they were within the +house. She shook her head.</p> +<p>"I haven't sent over for the mail since you left, Karl. I seemed +to like the silence."</p> +<p>"There's silence enough in all patience!" he cried. "Sixteen +hundred voices have ceased."</p> +<p>"I don't understand."</p> +<p>"The Cyclops has gone down--a new ship, the largest on the +sea."</p> +<p>"Why, that seems impossible."</p> +<p>"Not when there are icebergs floating off the banks and when the +bergs carry submerged knives of ice. One of them gored the ship. It +was fatal."</p> +<p>"How terrible!" For a second's space she had forgotten the +possible application to her. Then the knowledge came rushing back +upon her.</p> +<p>She put her hands over her heart with the gesture of one +wounded.</p> +<p>"David?" she gasped.</p> +<p>Karl nodded.</p> +<p>"He was on it--with Mary. They were coming back to America. He +had been given the Norden prize, as you know,--the prize you earned +for him. I think he was to take a position in some Eastern +university. He and Mary had gone to their room, the paper says, +when the shock came. They ran out together, half-dressed, and Mary +asked a steward if there was anything the matter. 'Yes, madam,' he +said quietly, just like that, 'I believe we are sinking.' You'll +read all about it there in those papers. Mary was interviewed. +Well, they lowered the boats. There were enough for about a third +of the passengers. They had made every provision for luxury, but +not nearly enough for safety. The men helped the women into the +boats and sent them away. Then they sat down together, folded their +arms, and died like gentlemen, with the good musicians heartening +them with their music to the last. The captain went down with his +ship, of course. All of the officers did that. Almost all of the +men did it, too. It was very gallant in its terrible way, and David +was among the most gallant. The papers mention him particularly. He +worked till the last helping the others off, and then he sat down +and waited for the end."</p> +<p>Honora turned on her cousin a face in which all the candles of +her soul were lit.</p> +<p>"Oh, Karl, how wonderful! How beautiful!"</p> +<p>He said nothing for amazement.</p> +<p>"In that half-hour," she went on, speaking with such swiftness +that he could hardly follow her, "all his thoughts streamed off +across the miles of sea and land to me! I felt the warmth of them +all about me. It was myself he was thinking of. He came back to me, +his wife! I was alone, waiting for something, I couldn't tell what. +Then I remembered it was his birthday, and that I should be sending +him a gift. So I sent him my forgiveness. I wrote a letter, but for +some reason I have not sent it. It is here, the letter!" She drew +it from her bosom. "See, the date and hour is upon it. Read +it."</p> +<p>Karl arose and held the letter in a shaking hand. He made a +calculation.</p> +<p>"The moments correspond," he said. "You are right; his spirit +sought yours."</p> +<p>"And then the--the drowning, Karl. I felt it all, but I could +not understand. I died and was dead for a long time, but I came up +again, to live. Only since then life has been very curious. I have +felt like a ghost that missed its grave. I've been walking around, +pretending to live, but really half hearing and half seeing, and +waiting for you to come back and explain."</p> +<p>"I have explained," said Karl with infinite gentleness. "Mary is +saved. She was taken up with others by the Urbania, and friends are +caring for her in New York. She gave a very lucid interview; a +feeling one, too. She lives, but the man she ruined went down, for +her sake."</p> +<p>"No," said Honora, "he went down for my sake. He went down for +the sake of his ideals, and his ideals were mine. Oh, how beautiful +that I have forgiven him--and how wonderful that he knew it, and +that I--" She spoke as one to whom a great happiness had come. Then +she wavered, reached out groping hands, and fell forward in Karl's +arms.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>For days she lay in her bed. She had no desire to arise. She +seemed to dread interruption to her passionate drama of emotion, in +which sorrow and joy were combined in indeterminate parts. From her +window she could see the snow-capped peaks of the Williston range, +rising with immortal and changeful beauty into the purple heavens. +As she watched them with incurious eyes, marking them in the first +light of the day, when their iridescence made them seem as +impalpable as a dream of heaven; eyeing them in the noon-height, +when their sides were the hue of ruddy granite; watching them at +sunset when they faded from swimming gold to rose, from rose to +purple, they seemed less like mountains than like those fair and +fatal bergs of the Northern Atlantic. She had read of them, though +she had not seen them. She knew how they sloughed from the +inexhaustible ice-cap of Greenland's bleak continent and marched, +stately as an army, down the mighty plain of the ocean. Fair beyond +word were they, with jeweled crevasses and mother-of-pearl +changefulness, indomitable, treacherous, menacing. Honora, closing +weary eyes, still saw them sailing, sailing, white as angels, +radiant as dawn, changing, changing, lovely and cold as death.</p> +<p>Mind and gaze were fixed upon their enchantment. She would not +think of certain other things--of that incredible catastrophe, that +rent ship, crashing to its doom, of that vast company tossed upon +the sea, of those cries in the dark. No, she shut her eyes and her +ears to those things! They seemed to be the servitors at the doors +of madness, and she let them crook their fingers at her in vain. +Now and then, when she was not on guard, they swarmed upon her, +whispering stories of black struggle, of heart-breaking separation +of mother and child, of husband and wife. Sometimes they told her +how Mary--so luxurious, so smiling, so avid of warmth and food and +kisses--had shivered in that bleak wind, as she sat coatless, torn +from David's sheltering embrace. They had given her elfish +reminders of how soft, how pink, how perfumed was that woman's +tender flesh. Then as she looked the blue eyes glazed with agony, +the supple body grew rigid with cold, and down, down, through miles +of water, sank the man they both had loved.</p> +<p>No, no, it was better to watch the bergs, those glistering, +fair, white ships of death! Yes, there from the window she seemed +to see them! How the sun glorified them! Was the sun setting, then? +Had there been another day?</p> +<p>"To-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow--"</p> +<p>Darkness was falling. But even in the darkness she saw the +ice-ships slipping down from that great frozen waste, along the +glacial rivers, past the bleak <i>lisière</i>, into the +bitter sea, and on down, down to meet that other ship--that ship +bearing its mighty burden of living men--and to break it in unequal +combat.</p> +<p>Oh, could she never sleep! Would those white ships never reach +port!</p> +<p>Did she hear Karl say he had telegraphed for Kate Barrington? +But what did it matter? Neither Kate nor Karl, strong and kind as +they were, could stem the tide that bore those ships along the +never-quiet seas.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXVIII"></a>XXVIII</h2> +<br> +<p>So Kate was coming!</p> +<p>He had cravenly rebuffed her, and she had borne the rebuff in +silence. Yet now that he needed her, she was coming. Ah, that was +what women meant to men. They were created for the comforting of +them. He always had known it, but he had impiously doubted +them--doubted Her. Because fortune had turned from him, he had +turned from Her--from Kate Barrington. He had imagined that she +wanted more than he could give; whereas, evidently, all she ever +had wanted was to be needed. He had called. She had answered. It +had been as swift as telegraphy could make it. And now he was +driving to the station to meet her.</p> +<p>Life, it appeared, was just as simple as that. A man, lost in +the darkness, could cry for a star to guide him, and it would come. +It would shine miraculously out of the heavens, and his path would +be made plain. It seemed absurd that the horses should be jogging +along at their usual pace over the familiar road. Why had they not +grown shining wings? Why was the old station wagon not transformed, +by the mere glory of its errand, into a crystal coach? But, no, the +horses went no faster because they were going on this +world-changing errand. The resuscitated village, with the American +litter heaped on the Italian dirt, looked none the less slovenly +because She was coming into it in a few minutes. The clock kept its +round; the sun showed its usual inclination toward the west. But +notwithstanding this torpidity, She was coming, and that day stood +apart from all other days.</p> +<p>That it was Honora's desperate need which she was answering, in +no way lessened the value of her response to him. His need and +Honora's were indissoluble now; it was he who had called, and it +was not to Honora alone that she was coming with healing in her +hands.</p> +<p>He saw her as she leaped from the train,--tall, alert, +green-clad,--and he ran forward, sweeping his Stetson from his +head. Their hands met--clung.</p> +<p>"You!" he said under his breath.</p> +<p>She laughed into his eyes.</p> +<p>"No, <i>you</i>!" she retorted.</p> +<p>He took her bags and they walked side by side, looking at each +other as if their eyes required the sight.</p> +<p>"How is she?" asked Kate.</p> +<p>"Very bad."</p> +<p>"What is it?"</p> +<p>"The doorway to madness."</p> +<p>"You've had a specialist?"</p> +<p>"Yes. He wanted to take her to a sanatorium. I begged him to +wait--to let you try. How could I let her go out from my door to be +cast in with the lost?"</p> +<p>"I suppose it was David's death that caused it."</p> +<p>"Oh, yes. What else could it be?"</p> +<p>"Then she loved him--to the end."</p> +<p>"And after it, I am sure."</p> +<p>He led the way to the station wagon and helped her in; then +brought her luggage on his own shoulder.</p> +<p>"Oh," she cried in distress. "Do you have to be your own +stevedore? I don't like to have you doing that for me."</p> +<p>"Out here we wait on ourselves," he replied when he had tumbled +the trunk into the wagon. He seated himself beside her as if he +were doing an accustomed thing, and she, too, felt as if she had +been there beside him many times before.</p> +<p>As they entered the village, he said:--</p> +<p>"You must note my rowdy town. Never was there such a place--such +organized success built on so much individual failure. From boss to +water-boy we were failures all; so we understood each other. We +haven't sworn brotherhood, but we're pulling together. Some of us +had known no law, and most of us had a prejudice against it, but +now we're making our own laws and we rather enjoy the process. +We've made the town and the mines our own cause, so what is the use +of playing the traitor? Some of us are short-stake men habitually +and constitutionally. Very well, say we, let us look at the facts. +Since there are short-stake men in the world, why not make +allowances for them? Use their limited powers of endurance and +concentration, then let 'em off to rest up. If there are enough +short-stake men around, some one will always be working. We find it +works well."</p> +<p>"Have you many women in your midst?"</p> +<p>"At first we had very few. Just some bedraggled wives and a few +less responsible ladies with magenta feathers in their hats. At +least, two of them had, and the magenta feather came to be a badge. +But they've disappeared--the feathers, not the ladies. Honora had a +hand in it. I think she pulled off one marriage. She seemed to +think there were arguments in favor of the wedding ceremony. But, +mind you, she didn't want any of the poor women to go because they +were bad. We are sinners all here. Stay and take a chance, that's +our motto. It isn't often you can get a good woman like Honora to +hang up a sign like that."</p> +<p>"Honora couldn't have done it once," said Kate. "But think of +all she's learned."</p> +<p>"Learned? Yes. And I, too. I've been learning my lessons, +too,--they were long and hard and I sulked at some of them, but I'm +more tractable new."</p> +<p>"I had my own hard conning," Kate said softly. "You never could +have done what I did, Mr. Wander. You couldn't have been cruel to +an old father."</p> +<p>"Honora has made all that clear to me," said Karl with +compassion. "When we are fighting for liberty we forget the +sufferings of the enemy."</p> +<p>There was a little pause. Then Karl spoke.</p> +<p>"But I forgot to begin at the beginning in telling you about my +made-over mining town. Yet you seemed to know about it."</p> +<p>"Oh, I read about it in the papers. Your experiment is famous. +All of the people I am associated with, the welfare workers and +sociologists, are immensely interested in it. That's one of the +problems now--how to use the hobo, how to get him back into an +understanding of regulated communities."</p> +<p>"Put him in charge," laughed Karl. "The answer's easy. Treat him +like a fellow-man. Don't annoy him by an exhibition of your useless +virtues."</p> +<p>"I never thought of that," said Kate.</p> +<p>They turned their backs on the straggling town and faced the +peaks. Presently they skirted the Williston River which thundered +among boulders and raged on toward the low-lying valley. From +above, the roar of the pines came to them, reverberant and +melancholy.</p> +<p>"What sounds! What sounds!" cried Kate.</p> +<p>"The mountains breathing," answered Wander.</p> +<p>He drove well, and he knew the road. It was a dangerous road, +which, ever ascending, skirted sharp declivities and rounded +buttressed rocks. Kate, prairie-reared, could not "escape the +inevitable thrill," but she showed, and perhaps felt, no fear. She +let the matter rest with him--this man with great shoulders and +firm hands, who knew the primitive art of "waiting on himself." +Their brief speech sufficed them for a time, and now they sat +silent, well content. The old, tormenting question as to his +relations with Honora did not intrude itself. It was swept out of +sight like flotsam in the plenteous stream of present content.</p> +<p>They swung upon a purple mesa, and in the distance Kate saw a +light which she felt was shining from the window of his home.</p> +<p>"It's just as I thought it would be," she said.</p> +<p>"Perhaps you are just the way it thought you would be," he +replied. "Perhaps the soul of a place waits and watches for the +right person, just as we human beings wander about searching for +the right spot."</p> +<p>"<i>I'm</i> suited," affirmed Kate. "I hope the mesa is."</p> +<p>"I know it well and I can answer for it."</p> +<p>The road continued to mount; they entered the piñon grove +and rode in aromatic dusk for a while, and when they emerged they +were at the doorway.</p> +<p>He lifted her down and held her with a gesture as if he had +something to say.</p> +<p>"It's about my letter," he ventured. "You knew very well it +wasn't that I didn't want you to write. But my life was getting +tangled--I wasn't willing to involve you in any way in the +débris. I couldn't be sure that letters sent me would always +reach my hands. Worst of all, I accused myself of unworthiness. I +do so still."</p> +<p>"I'm not one who worries much about worthiness or unworthiness," +she said. "Each of us is worthy and unworthy. But I thought--"</p> +<p>"What?"</p> +<p>"I was confused. Honora said I was to congratulate you--and her. +I didn't know--"</p> +<p>He stared incredulously.</p> +<p>"You didn't know--" He broke off, too, then laughed shortly. "I +wish you had known," he added. "I would like to think that you +never could misunderstand."</p> +<p>She felt herself rebuked. He opened the door for her and she +stepped for the first time across the threshold of his house.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Half an hour later, Wander, sitting in his study at the end of +the upper hall, saw his guest hastening toward Honora's room. She +wore a plain brown house dress and looked uniformed and ready for +service. She did not speak to him, but hastened down the corridor +and let herself into that solemn chamber where Honora Fulham lay +with wide-staring eyes gazing mountain ward. That Honora was in +some cold, still, and appalling place it took Kate but a moment to +apprehend. She could hardly keep from springing to her as if to +snatch her from impending doom, but she forced all panic from her +manner.</p> +<p>"Kate's come," she said, leaning down and kissing those chilly +lips with a passion of pity and reassurance. "She's come to stay, +sister Honora, and to drive everything bad away from you. Give her +a kiss if you are glad."</p> +<p>Did she feel an answering salute? She could not be sure. She +moved aside and watched. Those fixed, vision-seeing eyes were upon +the snow-capped peaks purpling in the decline of the day.</p> +<p>"What is it you see, sister?" she asked. "Is there something out +there that troubles you?"</p> +<p>Honora lifted a tragic hand and pointed to those darkening +snows.</p> +<p>"See how the bergs keep floating!" she whispered. "They float +slowly, but they are on their way. By and by they will meet the +ship. Then everything will be crushed or frozen. I try to make them +stay still, but they won't do it, and I'm so tired--oh, I'm so +terribly tired, Kate."</p> +<p>Kate's heart leaped. She had, at any rate, recognized her.</p> +<p>"They really are still, Honora," she cried. "Truly they are. I +am looking at them, and I can see that they are still. They are not +bergs at all, but only your good mountains, and by and by all of +that ice and snow will melt and flowers will be growing there."</p> +<p>She pulled down the high-rolled shades at the windows with a +decisive gesture.</p> +<p>"But I must have them up," cried Honora, beginning to sob. "I +have to keep watching them."</p> +<p>"It's time to have in the lamps," declared Kate; and went to the +door to ask for them.</p> +<p>"And tea, too, please, Mrs. Hays," she called; "quite hot."</p> +<p>"We've been keeping her very still," warned Wander, rejoicing in +Kate's cheerful voice, yet dreading the effect of it on his +cousin.</p> +<p>"It's been too still where her soul has been dwelling," Kate +replied in a whisper. "Can't you see she's on those bitter seas +watching for the ice to crush David's ship? It's not yet madness, +only a profound dream--a recurring hallucination. We must break it +up--oh, we must!"</p> +<p>She carried in the lamps when they came, placing them where +their glow would not trouble those burning eyes; and when Mrs. Hays +brought the tea and toast, whispering, "She'll take nothing," Kate +lifted her friend in her determined arms, and, having made her +comfortable, placed the tray before her.</p> +<p>"For old sake's sake, Honora," she said. "Come, let us play we +are girls again, back at Foster, drinking our tea!"</p> +<p>Mechanically, Honora lifted the cup and sipped it. When Kate +broke pieces of the toast and set them before her, she ate +them.</p> +<p>"You are telling me nothing about the babies," Kate reproached +her finally. "Mayn't we have them in for a moment?"</p> +<p>"I don't think they ought to come here," said Honora faintly. +"It doesn't seem as if they ought to be brought to such a place as +this."</p> +<p>But Kate commanded their presence, and, having softly fondled +them, dropped them on Honora's bed and let them crawl about there. +They swarmed up to their mother and hung upon her, patting her +cheeks, and investigating the use of eyelids and of ropes of hair. +But when they could not provoke her to play, they began to +whimper.</p> +<p>"Honora," said Kate sharply, "you must laugh at them at once! +They mustn't go away without a kiss."</p> +<p>So Honora dragged herself from those green waters beyond the +fatal Banks, half across the continent to the little children at +her side, and held them for a moment--the two of them at once--in +her embrace.</p> +<p>"But I'm so tired, Kate," she said wearily.</p> +<p>"Rest, then," said Kate. "Rest. But it wouldn't have been right +to rest without saying good-night to the kiddies, would it? A +mother has to think of that, hasn't she? They need you so +dreadfully, you see."</p> +<p>She slipped the extra pillows from beneath the heavy head, and +stood a moment by the bedside in silence as if she would impress +the fact of her protection upon that stricken heart and brain.</p> +<p>"It is safe, here, Honora," she said softly. "Love and care are +all about you. No harm shall come near you. Do you believe +that?"</p> +<p>Honora looked at her from beneath heavy lids, then slowly let +her eyes close. Kate walked to the window and waited. At first +Honora's body was convulsed with nervous spasms, but little by +little they ceased. Honora slept. Kate threw wide the windows, +extinguished the light, and crept from the room, not ill-satisfied +with her first conflict with the dread enemy.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Karl was waiting for her in the corridor when she came from +Honora's room, and he caught both of her hands in his.</p> +<p>"You're cold with horror!" he said. "What a thing that is to +see!"</p> +<p>"But it isn't going to last," protested Kate with a quivering +accent. "We can't have it last."</p> +<p>"Come into the light," he urged. "Supper is waiting."</p> +<p>He led her down the stairs and into the simple dining-room. The +table was laid for two before a leaping blaze. There was no other +light save that of two great candles in sticks of wrought bronze. +The room was bare but beautiful--so seemly were its proportions, so +fitted to its use its quiet furnishings.</p> +<p>He placed her chair where she could feel the glow and see, +through the wide window, a crescent moon mounting delicately into +the clear sky. There was game and salad, custard and coffee--a +charming feast. Mrs. Hays came and went quietly serving them. Karl +said little. He was content with the essential richness of the +moment. It was as if Destiny had distilled this hour for him, +giving it to him to quaff. He was grave, but he did not resent her +sorrowfulness. Sorrow, he observed, might have as sweet a flavor as +joy. It did not matter by what name the present hour was called. It +was there--he rested in it as in a state of being which had been +appointed--a goal toward which he had been journeying.</p> +<p>"What's to be done?" he asked.</p> +<p>"I've been thinking," said Kate, "that we had better move her +from that room. Is there none from which no mountains are visible? +She ought not to have the continual reminder of those +icebergs."</p> +<p>"Why didn't I think of that?" he cried with vexation. "That +shows how stupid a man can be. Certainly we have such a room as you +wish. It looks over the barnyard. It's cheerful but noisy. You can +hear the burros and the chickens and pigs and calves and babies all +day long."</p> +<p>"It's precisely what she needs. Her thoughts are the things to +fear, and I know of no way to break those up except by crowding +others in. Is the room pleasant--gay?"</p> +<p>"No--hardly clean, I should say. But we can work on it like +fiends."</p> +<p>"Let's do it, then,--put in chintz, pictures, flowers, books, a +jar of goldfish, a cage of finches,--anything that will make her +forget that terrible white procession of bergs."</p> +<p>"You think it isn't too late? You think we can save her?"</p> +<p>"I won't admit anything else," declared Kate.</p> +<p>The wind began to rise. It came rushing from far heights and +moaned around the house. The silence yielded to this mournful +sound, yet kept its essential quality.</p> +<p>"It's a wild place," said Kate; "wilder than any place I have +been in before. But it seems secure. I find it hard to believe that +you have been in danger here."</p> +<p>"I am in danger now," said Karl. "Much worse danger than I was +in when the poor excited dagoes were threatening me."</p> +<p>"What is your danger?" asked Kate.</p> +<p>She was incapable of coquetry after that experience in Honora's +room; nor did the noble solitude of the place permit the thought of +an excursion into the realms of any sort of dalliance. Moreover, +though Karl's words might have led her to think of him as ready to +play with a sentimental situation, the essential loftiness of his +gaze forbade her to entertain the thought.</p> +<p>"I am in danger," he said gravely, "of experiencing a happiness +so great that I shall never again be satisfied with life under less +perfect conditions. Can you imagine how the fresh air seems to a +man just released from prison? Well, life has a tang like that for +me now. I tell you, I have been a discouraged man. It looked to me +as if all of the things I had been fighting for throughout my +manhood were going to ruin. I saw my theories shattered, my fortune +disappearing, my reputation, as the successful manipulator of other +men's money, being lost. I've been looked upon as a lucky man and a +reliable one out here in Colorado. They swear by you or at you out +in this part of the country, and I've been accustomed to having +them count on me. I even had some political expectations, and was +justified in them, I imagine. I had an idea I might go to the state +legislature and then take a jump to Washington. Well, it was a +soap-bubble dream, of course. I lost out. This tatterdemalion crew +of mine is all there is left of my cohorts. I suppose I'm looked on +now as a wild experimenter."</p> +<p>"Would it seem that way to men?" asked Kate, surprised. "To take +what lies at hand and make use of it--to win with a broken +sword--that strikes me as magnificent."</p> +<p>She forgot to put a guard on herself for a moment and let her +admiration, her deep confidence in him, shine from her eyes. She +saw him whiten, saw a look of almost terrible happiness in his +eyes, and withdrew her gaze. She could hear him breathing deeply, +but he said nothing. There fell upon them a profound and wonderful +silence which held when they had arisen and were sitting before his +hearth. They were alone with elemental things--night, silence, +wind, and fire. They had the essentials, roof and food, clothing +and companionship. Back and forth between them flashed the mystic +currents of understanding. A happiness such as neither had known +suffused them.</p> +<p>When they said "good-night," each made the discovery that the +simple word has occult and beautiful meanings.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXIX"></a>XXIX</h2> +<br> +<p>At the end of a week Honora showed a decided change for the +better. The horror had gone out of her face; she ate without +persuasion; she slept briefly but often. The conclusion of a +fortnight saw her still sad, but beyond immediate danger of +melancholy. She began to assume some slight responsibility toward +the children, and she loved to have them playing about her, +although she soon wearied of them.</p> +<p>Kate had decided not to go back to Chicago until her return from +California. She was to speak to the Federation of Women's Clubs +which met at Los Angeles, and she proposed taking Honora with her. +Honora was not averse if Kate and Karl thought it best for her. The +babies were to remain safe at home.</p> +<p>"I wouldn't dare experiment with babies," said Kate. "At least, +not with other people's."</p> +<p>"You surely wouldn't experiment with your own, ma'am!" cried the +privileged Mrs. Hays.</p> +<p>"Oh, I might," Kate insisted. "If I had babies of my own, I'd +like them to be hard, brown little savages--the sort you could put +on donkey-back or camel-back and take anywhere."</p> +<p>Mrs. Hays shook her head at the idea of camels. It hardly +sounded Christian, and certainly it in no way met her notion of the +need of infants.</p> +<p>"Mrs. Browning writes about taking her baby to a mountain-top +not far from the stars," Kate went on. "They rode donkey-back, I +believe. Personally, however, I should prefer the camel. For one +thing, you could get more babies on his back."</p> +<p>Mrs. Hays threw a glance at her mistress as if to say: "Is it +proper for a young woman to talk like this?"</p> +<p>The young woman in question said many things which, according to +the always discreet and sensible Mrs. Hays, were hardly to be +commended.</p> +<p>There was, for example, the evening she had stood in the +westward end of the veranda and called:--</p> +<p>"Archangels! Come quick and see them!"</p> +<p>The summons was so stirring that they all ran,-- even Honora, +who was just beginning to move about the house,--but Wander reached +Kate's side first.</p> +<p>"She's right, Honora," he announced. "It is archangels--a whole +party of them. Come, see!"</p> +<p>But it had been nothing save a sunset rather brighter than +usual, with wing-like radiations.</p> +<p>"Pshaw!" said Mrs. Hays confidentially to the cook.</p> +<p>"Shouldn't you think they'd burn up with all that flaming +crimson on them?" Kate cried. "And, oh, their golden hair! Or does +that belong to the Damosel? Probably she is leaning over the bar of +heaven at this minute."</p> +<p>In Mrs. Hays's estimation, the one good thing about all such +talk was that Mrs. Fulham seemed to like it. Sometimes she smiled; +and she hung upon the arm of her friend and looked at her as if +wondering how one could be so young and strong and gay. Mr. Wander, +too, seemed never tired of listening; and the way that letters +trailed after this young woman showed her that a number--quite an +astonishingly large number--of persons were pleased to whet their +ideas on her. Clarinda Hays decided that she would like to try it +herself; so one morning when she sat on the veranda watching the +slumbers of the little girls in their hammocks, and Miss Barrington +sat near at hand fashioning a blouse for Honora's journey, she +ventured:--</p> +<p>"You're a suffragette, ain't you, Miss?"</p> +<p>"Why, yes," admitted Kate. "I suppose I am. I believe in +suffrage for women, at any rate."</p> +<p>"Well, what do you make of all them carryings-on over there in +England, ma'am? You don't approve of acid-throwing and +window-breaking and cutting men's faces with knives, do you?" She +looked at Kate with an almost poignant anxiety, her face twitching +a little with her excitement. "A decent woman couldn't put her +stamp on that kind o' thing."</p> +<p>"But the puzzling part of it all is, Mrs. Hays, that it appears +to be decent women who are doing it. Moreover, it's not an impulse +with them but a plan. That rather sets one thinking, doesn't it? +You see, it's a sort of revolution. Revolutions have got us almost +everything we have that is really worth while in the way of +personal liberty; but I don't suppose any of them seemed very +'decent' to the non-combatants who were looking on. Then, too, you +have to realize that women are very much handicapped in conducting +a fight."</p> +<p>"What have they got to fight against, I should like to know?" +demanded Mrs. Hays, dropping her sewing and grasping the arms of +her chair in her indignation.</p> +<p>"Well," said Kate, "I fancy we American women haven't much idea +of all that the Englishwomen are called upon to resent. I do know, +though, that an English husband of whatever station thinks that he +is the commander, and that he feels at liberty to address his wife +as few American husbands would think of doing. It's quite allowed +them to beat their wives if they are so minded. I hope that not +many of them are minded to do anything of the kind, but I feel very +sure that women are 'kept in their place' over there. So, as +they've been hectored themselves, they've taken up hectoring +tactics in retaliation. They demand a share in the government and +the lawmaking. They want to have a say about the schools and the +courts of justice. If men were fighting for some new form of +liberty, we should think them heroic. Why should we think women +silly for doing the same thing?"</p> +<p>"It won't get them anywhere," affirmed Clarinda Hays. "It won't +do for them what the old way of behaving did for them, Miss. Now, +who, I should like to know, does a young fellow, dying off in +foreign parts, turn his thoughts to in his last moments? Why, to +his good mother or his nice sweetheart! You don't suppose that men +are going to turn their dying thoughts to any such screaming, +kicking harridans as them suffragettes over there in England, do +you?"</p> +<p>Kate heard a chuckle beyond the door--the disrespectful chuckle, +as she took it, of the master of the house. It armed her for the +fray.</p> +<p>"I don't think the militant women are doing these things to +induce men to feel tenderly toward them, Mrs. Hays. I don't believe +they care just now whether the men feel tenderly toward them or +not. Women have been low-voiced and sweet and docile for a good +many centuries, but it hasn't gained them the right to claim their +own children, or to stand up beside men and share their higher +responsibilities and privileges. I don't like the manner of +warfare, myself. While I could die at the stake if it would do any +good, I couldn't break windows and throw acid. For one thing, it +doesn't seem to me quite logical, as the damage is inflicted on the +property of persons who have nothing to do with the case. But, of +course, I can't be sure that, after the fight is won, future +generations will not honor the women who forgot their personal +preferences and who made the fight in the only way they could."</p> +<p>"You're such a grand talker, Miss, that it's hard running +opposite to you, but I was brought up to think that a woman ought +to be as near an angel as she could be. I never answered my husband +back, no matter what he said to me, and I moved here and there to +suit him. I was always waiting for him at home, and when he got +there I stood ready to do for him in any way I could. We was happy +together, Miss, and when he was dying he said that I had been a +good wife. Them words repaid me, Miss, as having my own way never +could."</p> +<p>Clarinda Hays had grown fervid. There were tears in her patient +eyes, and her face was frankly broken with emotion.</p> +<p>Kate permitted a little silence to fall. Then she said +gently:--</p> +<p>"I can see it is very sweet to you--that memory--very sweet and +sacred. I don't wonder you treasure it."</p> +<p>She let the subject lie there and arose presently and, in +passing, laid her firm brown hand on Mrs. Hays's work-worn one.</p> +<p>Wander was in the sitting-room and as she entered it he motioned +her to get her hat and sweater. She did so silently and accepted +from him the alpenstock he held out to her.</p> +<p>"Is it right to leave Honora?" he asked when they were beyond +hearing. "I had little or nothing to do down in town, and it +occurred to me that we might slip away for once and go +adventuring."</p> +<p>"Oh, Honora's particularly well this morning. She's been reading +a little, and after she has rested she is going to try to sew. Not +that she can do much, but it means that she's taking an interest +again."</p> +<p>"Ah, that does me good! What a nightmare it's been! We seem to +have had one nightmare after another, Honora and I."</p> +<p>They turned their steps up the trail that mounted westward.</p> +<p>"It follows this foothill for a way," said Wander, striding +ahead, since they could not walk side by side. "Then it takes that +level up there and strikes the mountain. It goes on over the +pass."</p> +<p>"And where does it end? Why was it made?"</p> +<p>"I'm not quite sure where it ends. But it was made because men +love to climb."</p> +<p>She gave a throaty laugh, crying, "I might have known!" for +answer, and he led on, stopping to assist her when the way was +broken or unusually steep, and she, less accustomed but throbbing +with the joy of it, followed.</p> +<p>They reached an irregular "bench" of the mountain, and rested +there on a great boulder. Below them lay the ranch amid its little +hills, dust-of-gold in hue.</p> +<p>"I have dreamed countless times of trailing this path with you," +he said.</p> +<p>"Then you have exhausted the best of the experience already. +What equals a dream? Doesn't it exceed all possible fact?"</p> +<p>"I think you know very well," he answered, "that this is more to +me than any dream."</p> +<p>An eagle lifted from a tree near at hand and sailed away with +confidence, the master of the air.</p> +<p>"I don't wonder men die trying to imitate him," breathed Kate, +wrapt in the splendor of his flight. "They are the little brothers +of Icarus."</p> +<p>"I always hope," replied Wander, "when I hear of an aviator who +has been killed, that he has had at least one perfect flight, when +he soared as high as he wished and saw and felt all that a man in +his circumstances could. Since he has had to pay so great a price, +I want him to have had full value."</p> +<p>"It's a fine thing to be willing to pay the price," mused Kate. +"If you can face whatever-gods-there-be and say, 'I've had my +adventure. What's due?' you're pretty well done with fears and +flurries."</p> +<p>"Wise one!" laughed Wander. "What do you know about paying?"</p> +<p>"You think I don't know!" she cried. Then she flushed and drew +back. "The last folly of the braggart is to boast of misfortune," +she said. "But, really, I have paid, if missing some precious +things that might have been mine is a payment for pride and +wilfullness."</p> +<p>"I hope you haven't missed very much, then,--not anything that +you'll be regretting in the years to come."</p> +<p>"Oh, regret is never going to be a specialty of mine," declared +Kate. "To-morrow's the chance! I shall never be able to do much +with yesterday, no matter how wise I become."</p> +<p>"Right you are!" said Wander sharply. "The only thing is that +you don't know quite the full bearing of your remark--and I +do."</p> +<p>She laughed sympathetically.</p> +<p>"Truth is truth," she said.</p> +<p>"Yes." He hung over the obvious aphorism boyishly. "Yes, truth +is truth, no matter who utters it."</p> +<p>"Thanks, kind sir."</p> +<p>"Oh, I was thinking of the excellent Clarinda Hays. I listened +to your conversation this morning and it seemed to me that she was +giving you about all the truth you could find bins for. I couldn't +help but take it in, it was so complacently offered. But Clarinda +was getting her 'sacred feelings' mixed up with the truth. However, +I suppose there is an essential truth about sacred feelings even +when they're founded on an error. I surmised that you were holding +back vastly more than you were saying. Now that we 're pretty well +toward a mountain-top, with nobody listening, you might tell me +what you <i>were</i> thinking."</p> +<p>Kate smiled slowly. She looked at the man beside her as if +appraising him.</p> +<p>"I'm terribly afraid," she said at length, "that you are +soul-kin to Clarinda. You'll walk in a mist of sacred feelings, +too, and truth will play hide and seek with you all over the +place."</p> +<p>"Nonsense!" he cried. "Why can't I hear what you have to say? +You stand on platforms and tell it to hundreds. Why should you +grudge it to me?"</p> +<p>She swept her hand toward the landscape around them.</p> +<p>"It has to do with change," she said. "And with evolution. Look +at this scarred mountain-side, how confused and senseless the +upheavals seem which have given it its grandeur! Nor is it static +yet. It is continually wearing down. Erosion is diminishing it, +that river is denuding it. Eternal change is the only law."</p> +<p>"I understand," said Wander, his eyes glowing.</p> +<p>"In the world of thought it is the same."</p> +<p>"Verily."</p> +<p>"But I speak for women--and I am afraid that you'll not +understand."</p> +<p>"I should like to be given a chance to try," he answered.</p> +<p>"Clarinda," she said, after a moment's pause, "like the larger +part of the world, is looking at a mirage. She sees these shining +pictures on the hot sand of the world and she says: 'These are the +real things. I will fix my gaze on them. What does the hot sand and +the trackless waste matter so long as I have these beautiful +mirages to look at?' When you say that mirages are insubstantial, +evanishing, mere tricks of air and eye, the Clarindas retort, 'But +if you take away our mirages, where are we to turn? What will you +give us in the place of them?' She thinks, for example, if a dying +soldier calls on his mother or his sweetheart that they must be +good women. This is not the case. He calls on them because +confronts the great loneliness of death. He is quite as likely to +call on a wicked woman if she is the one whose name comes to his +flickering sense. But even supposing that one had to be +sacrificial, subservient, and to possess all the other Clarinda +virtues in order to have a dying man call on one, still, would that +burst of delirious wistfulness compensate one for years of +servitude?"</p> +<p>She let the statement hang in the air for a moment, while +Wander's color deepened yet more. He was being wounded in the place +of his dreams and the pang was sharp.</p> +<p>"If some one, dying, called you 'Faithful slave,'" resumed Kate, +"would that make you proud? Would it not rather be a humiliation? +Now, 'good wife' might be synonymous with 'faithful slave.' That's +what I'd have to ascertain before I could be complimented as +Clarinda was complimented by those words. I'd have to have my own +approval. No one else could comfort me with a 'well done' unless my +own conscience echoed the words. 'Good wife,' indeed!"</p> +<p>"What would reconcile you to such commendations?" asked Wander +with a reproach that was almost personal.</p> +<p>"The possession of those privileges and mediums by which liberty +is sustained."</p> +<p>"For example?"</p> +<p>"My own independent powers of thought; my own religion, +politics, taste, and direction of self-development--above all, my +own money. By that I mean money for which I did not have to ask and +which never was given to me as an indulgence. Then I should want +definite work commensurate with my powers; and the right to a voice +in all matters affecting my life or the life of my family."</p> +<p>"That is what you would take. But what would you give?"</p> +<p>"I would not 'take' these things any more than my husband would +'take' them. Nor could he bestow them upon me, for they are mine by +inherent right."</p> +<p>"Could he give you nothing, then?"</p> +<p>"Love. Yet it may not be correct to say that he could give that. +He would not love me because he chose to do so, but because he +could not help doing so. At least, that is my idea of love. He +would love me as I was, with all my faults and follies, and I +should love him the same way. I should be as proud of his +personality as I would be defensive of my own. I should not ask him +to be like me; I should only ask him to be truly himself and to let +me be truly myself. If our personalities diverged, perhaps they +would go around the circle and meet on the other side."</p> +<p>"Do you think, my dear woman, that you would be able to +recognize each other after such a long journey?"</p> +<p>"There would be distinguishing marks," laughed Kate; "birthmarks +of the soul. But I neglected to say that it would not satisfy me +merely to be given a portion of the earnings of the family--that +portion which I would require to conduct the household and which I +might claim as my share of the result of labor. I should also wish, +when there was a surplus, to be given half of it that I might make +my own experiments."</p> +<p>"A full partnership!"</p> +<p>"That's the idea, precisely: a full partnership. There is an +assumption that marriages are that now, but it is not so, as all +frank persons must concede."</p> +<p>"<i>I</i> concede it, at any rate."</p> +<p>"Now, you must understand that we women are asking these things +because we are acquiring new ideas of duty. A duty is like a +command; it must be obeyed. It has been laid upon us to demand +rights and privileges equal to those enjoyed by men, and we wish +them to be extended to us not because we are young or beautiful or +winning or chaste, but because we are members of a common humanity +with men and are entitled to the same inheritance. We want our +status established, so that when we make a marriage alliance we can +do it for love and no other reason--not for a home, or support, or +children or protection. Marriage should be a privilege and a +reward--not a necessity. It should be so that if we spinsters want +a home, we can earn one; if we desire children, we can take to +ourselves some of the motherless ones; and we should be able to +entrust society with our protection. By society I mean, of course, +the structure which civilized people have fashioned for themselves, +the portals of which are personal rights and the law."</p> +<p>"But what will all the lovers do? If everything is adjusted to +such a nicety, what will they be able to sacrifice for each +other?"</p> +<p>"Lovers," smiled Kate, "will always be able to make their own +paradise, and a jewelled sacrifice will be the keystone of each +window in their house of love. But there are only a few lovers in +the world compared with those who have come down through the realm +of little morning clouds and are bearing the heat and burden of the +day."</p> +<p>"How do you know all of these things, Wise Woman? Have you had +so much experience?"</p> +<p>"We each have all the accumulated experience of the centuries. +We don't have to keep to the limits of our own little individual +lives."</p> +<p>"I often have dreamed of bringing you up on this trail," said +Wander whimsically, "but never for the purpose of hearing you make +your declaration of independence."</p> +<p>"Why not?" demanded Kate. "In what better place could I make +it?"</p> +<p>Beside the clamorous waterfall was a huge boulder squared almost +as if the hand of a mason had shaped it. Kate stepped on it, before +Wander could prevent her, and stood laughing back at him, the wind +blowing her garments about her and lifting strands of her loosened +hair.</p> +<p>"I declare my freedom!" she cried with grandiose mockery. +"Freedom to think my own thoughts, preach my own creeds, do my own +work, and make the sacrifices of my own choosing. I declare that I +will have no master and no mistress, no slave and no neophyte, but +that I will strive to preserve my own personality and to help all +of my brothers and sisters, the world over, to preserve theirs. I +declare that I will let no superstition or prejudice set limits to +my good will, my influence, or my ambition!"</p> +<p>"You are standing on a precipice," he warned.</p> +<p>"It's glorious!"</p> +<p>"But it may be fatal."</p> +<p>"But I have the head for it," she retorted. "I shall not +fall!"</p> +<p>"Others may who try to emulate you."</p> +<p>"That's Fear--the most subtle of foes!"</p> +<p>"Oh, come back," he pleaded seriously, "I can't bear to see you +standing there!"</p> +<p>"Very well," she said, giving him her hand with a gay gesture of +capitulation. "But didn't you say that men liked to climb? Well, +women do, too."</p> +<p>They were conscious of being late for dinner and they turned +their faces toward home.</p> +<p>"How ridiculous," remarked Wander, "that we should think +ourselves obliged to return for dinner!"</p> +<p>"On the contrary," said Kate, "I think it bears witness to both +our health and our sanity. I've got over being afraid that I shall +be injured by the commonplace. When I open your door and smell the +roast or the turnips or whatever food has been provided, I shall +like it just as well as if it were flowers."</p> +<p>Wander helped her down a jagged descent and laughed up in her +face.</p> +<p>"What a materialist!" he cried. "And I thought you were +interested only in the ideal."</p> +<p>"Things aren't ideal because they have been labeled so," +declared Kate. "When people tell you they are clinging to old +ideals, it's well to find out if they aren't napping in some musty +old room beneath the cobwebs. I'm a materialist, very likely, but +that's only incidental to my realism. I like to be allowed to +realize the truth about things, and you know yourself that you +men--who really are the sentimental sex--have tried as hard as you +could not to let us."</p> +<p>"You speak as if we had deliberately fooled you."</p> +<p>"You haven't fooled us any more than we have fooled ourselves." +They had reached the lower level now, and could walk side by side. +"You've kept us supplemental, and we've thought we were noble when +we played the supplemental part. But it doesn't look so to us any +longer. We want to be ourselves and to justify ourselves. There's a +good deal of complaint about women not having enough to do--about +the factories and shops taking their work away from them and +leaving them idle and inexpressive. Well, in a way, that's true, +and I'm a strong advocate of new vocations, so that women can have +their own purses and all that. But I know in my heart all this is +incidental. What we really need is a definite set of principles; if +we can acquire an inner stability, we shall do very well whether +our hands are perpetually occupied or not. But just at present we +poor women are sitting in the ruins of our collapsed faiths, and we +haven't decided what sort of architecture to use in erecting the +new one."</p> +<p>"There doesn't seem to be much peace left in the world," mused +Wander. "Do you women think you will have peace when you get this +new faith?"</p> +<p>"Oh, dear me," retorted Kate, "what would you have us do with +peace? You can get that in any garlanded sepulcher. Peace is like +perfection, it isn't desirable. We should perish of it. As long as +there is life there is struggle and change. But when we have our +inner faith, when we can see what the thing is for which we are to +strive, then we shall cease to be so spasmodic in our efforts. +We'll not be doing such grotesque things. We'll come into new +dignity."</p> +<p>"What you're trying to say," said Wander, "is that it is +ourselves who are to be our best achievement. It's what we make of +ourselves that matters."</p> +<p>"Oh, that's it! That's it!" cried Kate, beating her gloved hands +together like a child. "You're getting it! You're getting it! It's +what we make of ourselves that matters, and we must all have the +right to find ourselves--to keep exploring till we find our highest +selves. There mustn't be such a waste of ability and power and hope +as there has been. We must all have our share in the +essentials--our own relation to reality."</p> +<p>"I see," he said, pausing at the door, and looking into her face +as if he would spell out her incommunicable self. "That's what you +mean by universal liberty."</p> +<p>"That's what I mean."</p> +<p>"And the man you marry must let you pick your own way, make your +own blunders, grow by your own experience."</p> +<p>"Yes."</p> +<p>Honora opened the door and looked at them. She was weak and she +leaned against the casing for her support, but her face was tender +and calm, and she was regnant over her own mind.</p> +<p>"What is the matter with you two?" she asked. "Aren't you coming +in to dinner? Haven't you any appetites?"</p> +<p>Kate threw her arms about her.</p> +<p>"Oh, Honora," she cried. "How lovely you look! Appetites? We're +famished."</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXX"></a>XXX</h2> +<br> +<p>Another week went by, and though it went swiftly, still at the +end of the time it seemed long, as very happy and significant times +do. Honora was still weak, but as every comfort had been provided +for her journey, it seemed more than probable that she would be +benefited in the long run by the change, however exhausting it +might be temporarily.</p> +<p>"It's the morning of the last day," said Wander at breakfast. +"Honora is to treat herself as if she were the finest and most +highly decorated bohemian glass, and save herself up for her +journey. All preparations, I am told, are completed. Very well, +then. Do you and I ride to-day, Miss Barrington?"</p> +<p>"'Here we ride,'" quoted Kate. Then she flushed, remembering the +reference.</p> +<p>Did Karl recognize it--or know it? She could not tell. He could, +at will, show a superb inscrutability.</p> +<p>Whether he knew Browning's poem or not, Kate found to her +irritation that she did. Lines she thought she had forgotten, +trooped--galloped--back into her brain. The thud of them fell like +rhythmic hoofs upon the road.</p> +<blockquote>"Then we began to ride. My soul<br> +Smoothed itself out, a long-cramped scroll<br> +Freshening and fluttering in the wind.<br> +Past hopes already lay behind.<br> +What need to strive with a life awry?<br> +Had I said that, had I done this,<br> +So might I gain, so might I miss."</blockquote> +<p>She wove her braids about her head to the measure; buckled her +boots and buttoned her habit; and then, veiled and gauntleted she +went down the stairs, still keeping time to the inaudible +tune:--</p> +<blockquote>"So might I gain, so might I miss."</blockquote> +<p>The mare Wander held for her was one which she had ridden +several times before and with which she was already on terms of +good feeling. That subtle, quick understanding which goes from +horse to rider, when all is well in their relations, and when both +are eager to face the wind, passed now from Lady Bel to Kate. She +let the creature nose her for a moment, then accepted Wander's hand +and mounted. The fine animal quivered delicately, shook herself, +pawed the dust with a motion as graceful as any lady could have +made, threw a pleasant, sociable look over her shoulder, and at +Kate's vivacious lift of the rein was off. Wander was mounted +magnificently on Nell, a mare of heavier build, a black animal, +which made a good contrast to Lady Bel's shining roan coat.</p> +<p>The animals were too fresh and impatient to permit much +conversation between their riders. They were answering to the call +of the road as much as were the humans who rode them. Kate tried to +think of the scenes which were flashing by, or of the +village,--Wander's "rowdy" village, teeming with its human stories; +but, after all, it was Browning's lines which had their way with +her. They trumpeted themselves in her ear, changing a word here and +there, impishly, to suit her case.</p> +<blockquote>"We rode; it seemed my spirit flew,<br> +Saw other regions, cities new,<br> +As the world rushed by on either side.<br> +I thought, All labor, yet no less<br> +Bear up beneath their unsuccess.<br> +Look at the end of work, contrast<br> +The petty Done, the Undone vast,<br> +This present of theirs with the hopeful past!<br> +I hoped he would love me. Here we ride."</blockquote> +<p>They were to the north of the village, heading for a +cañon. The road was good, the day not too warm, and the +passionate mountain springtime was bursting into flower and leaf. +Presently walls of rock began to rise about them. They were of +innumerable, indefinable rock colors--grayish-yellows, dull olives, +old rose, elusive purples, and browns as rich as prairie soil. +Coiling like a cobra, the Little Williston raced singing through +the midst of the chasm, sun-mottled and bright as the trout that +hid in its cold shallows. Was all the world singing? Were the +invisible stars of heaven rhyming with one another? Had a lost +rhythm been recaptured, and did she hear the pulsations of a deep +Earth-harmony--or was it, after all, only the insistent beat of the +poet's line?</p> +<blockquote>"What if we still ride on, we two,<br> +With life forever old, yet new,<br> +Changed not in kind but in degree,<br> +The instant made eternity,--<br> +And Heaven just prove that I and he<br> +Ride, ride together, forever ride?"</blockquote> +<p>What Wander said, when he spoke, was, "Walk," and the remark was +made to his horse. Lady Bel slackened, too. They were in the midst +of great beauty--complex, almost chaotic, beauty, such as the Rocky +Mountains often display.</p> +<p>Wander drew his horse nearer to Kate's, and as a turning of the +road shut them in a solitary paradise where alders and willows +fringed the way with fresh-born green, he laid his hand on her +saddle.</p> +<p>"Kate," he said, "can you make up your mind to stay here with +me?"</p> +<p>Kate drew in her breath sharply. Then she laughed.</p> +<p>"Am I to understand that you are introducing or continuing a +topic?" she asked.</p> +<p>He laughed, too. They were as willing to play with the subject +as children are to play with flowers.</p> +<p>"I am continuing it," he affirmed.</p> +<p>"Really?"</p> +<p>"And you know it."</p> +<p>"Do I?"</p> +<p>"From the first moment that I laid eyes on you, all the time +that I was writing to Honora and really was trying to snare your +interest, and after she came here,--even when I absurdly commanded +you not to write to me,--and now, every moment since you set foot +in my wild country, what have I done but say: 'Kate, will you stay +with me?'"</p> +<p>"And will I?" mused Kate. "What do you offer?"</p> +<p>She once had asked the same question of McCrea.</p> +<p>"A faulty man's unchanging love."</p> +<p>"What makes you think it will not change--especially since you +are a faulty man?"</p> +<p>"I think it will not change because I am so faulty that I must +have something perfect to which to cling."</p> +<p>"Nonsense! A Clarinda dream! There's nothing perfect about me! +The whole truth is that you don't know whether you'll change or +not!"</p> +<p>"Well, say that I change! Say that I pass from shimmering +moonlight to common sunlight love! Say that we walk a heavy road +and carry burdens and that our throats are so parched we forget to +turn our eyes toward each other. Still we shall be side by side, +and in the end the dust of us shall mingle in one earth. As for our +spirits--if they have triumphed together, where is the logic in +supposing that they will know separation?"</p> +<p>"You will give me love," said Kate, "changing, faulty, human +love! I ask no better--in the way of love. I can match you in +faultiness and in changefulness and in hope. But now what else can +you give me--what work--what chance to justify myself, what +exercise for my powers? You have your work laid out for you. Where +is mine?"</p> +<p>Wander stared at her a moment with a bewildered expression. Then +he leaped from his horse and caught Kate's bridle.</p> +<p>"Where is your work, woman?" he thundered. "Are you teasing me +still or are you in earnest? Your work is in your home! With all +your wisdom, don't you know that yet? It is in your home, bearing +and rearing your sons and your daughters, and adding to my sum of +joy and your own. It is in learning secrets of happiness which only +experience can teach. Listen to me: If my back ached and my face +dripped sweat because I was toiling for you and your children, I +would count it a privilege. It would be the crown of my life. +Justify yourself? How can you justify yourself except by being of +the Earth, learning of her; her obedient and happy child? Justify +yourself? Kate Barrington, you'll have to justify yourself to +me."</p> +<p>"How dare you?" asked Kate under her breath. "Who has given you +a right to take me to task?"</p> +<p>"Our love," he said, and looked her unflinchingly in the eye. +"My love for you and your love for me. I demand the truth of +you,--the deepest truth of your deepest soul,--because we are mates +and can never escape each other as long as we live, though half the +earth divides us and all our years. Wherever we go, our thoughts +will turn toward each other. When we meet, though we have striven +to hate each other, yet our hands will long to clasp. We may be at +war, but we will love it better than peace with others. I tell you, +I march to the tune of your piping; you keep step to my drum-beats. +What is the use of theorizing? I speak of a fact."</p> +<p>"I am going to turn my horse," she said. "Will you please stand +aside?"</p> +<p>He dropped her bridle.</p> +<p>"Is that all you have to say?"</p> +<p>She looked at him haughtily for a moment and whirled her horse. +Then she drew the mare up.</p> +<p>"Karl!" she called.</p> +<p>No answer.</p> +<p>"I say--Karl!"</p> +<p>He came to her.</p> +<p>"I am not angry. I know quite well what you mean. You were +speaking of the fundamentals."</p> +<p>"I was."</p> +<p>"But how about me? Am I to have no importance save in my +relation to you?"</p> +<p>"You cannot have your greatest importance save in your relation +to me."</p> +<p>She looked at him long. Her eyes underwent a dozen changes. They +taunted him, tempted him, comforted him, bade him hope, bade him +fear.</p> +<p>"We must ride home," she said at length.</p> +<p>"And my question? I asked you if you were willing to stay here +with me?"</p> +<p>"The question," she said with a dry little smile, "is laid very +respectfully on the knees of the gods."</p> +<p>He turned from her and swung into his saddle. They pounded home +in silence. The lines of "The Last Ride" were besetting her +still.</p> +<blockquote>"Who knows what's fit for us? Had fate<br> +Proposed bliss here should sublimate<br> +My being; had I signed the bond--<br> +Still one must lead some life beyond,--<br> +Have a bliss to die with, dim-descried.<br> +This foot once planted on the goal,<br> +This glory-garland round my soul,<br> +Could I descry such? Try and test?"</blockquote> +<p>She gave him no chance to help her dismount, but leaping to the +ground, turned the good mare's head stableward, and ran to her +room. He did not see her till dinner-time. Honora was at the table, +and occupied their care and thought.</p> +<p>Afterward there was the ten-mile ride to the station, but Kate +sat beside Honora. There was a full moon--and the world ached for +lovers. But if any touched lips, Karl Wander and Kate Barrington +knew nothing of it. At the station they shook hands.</p> +<p>"Are you coming back?" asked Wander. "Will you bring Honora back +home?"</p> +<p>In the moonlight Kate turned a sudden smile on him.</p> +<p>"Of course I'm coming back," she said. "I always put a period to +my sentences."</p> +<p>"Good!" he said. "But that's a very different matter from +writing a 'Finis' to your book."</p> +<p>"I shall conclude on an interrupted sentence," laughed Kate, +"and I'll let some one else write 'Finis.'"</p> +<p>The great train labored in, paused for no more than a moment, +and was off again. It left Wander's world well denuded. The sense +of aching loneliness was like an agony. She had evaded him. She +belonged to him, and he had somehow let her go! What had he said, +or failed to say? What had she desired that he had not given? He +tried to assure himself that he had been guiltless, but as he +passed his sleeping village and glimpsed the ever-increasing dumps +before his mines, he knew in his heart that he had been asking her +to play his game. Of course, on the other hand--</p> +<p>But what was the use of running around in a squirrel cage! She +was gone. He was alone.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXXI"></a>XXXI</h2> +<br> +<p>The Federation of Women's Clubs!</p> +<p>Two thousand women gathered in the name of--what?</p> +<p>Why, of culture, of literature, of sisterhood, of benevolence, +of music, art, town beautification, the abolition of child-labor, +the abolition of sweat-shops, the extension of peace and +opportunity.</p> +<p>And run how? By politics, sharp and keen, far-seeing and +combative.</p> +<p>The results? The coöperation of forceful women, the +encouragement of timid ones; the development of certain forms of +talent, and the destruction of some old-time virtues.</p> +<p>The balance? On the side of good, incontestably.</p> +<p>"Yes, it's on the side of good," said Honora, who was, after +all, like a nun (save that her laboratory had been her cell, and a +man's fame her passion), and who therefore brought to this vast, +highly energized, capable, various gathering a judgment +unprejudiced, unworldly, and clear. As she saw these women of many +types, from all of the States, united in great causes, united, too, +in the cultivation of things not easy of definition, she felt that, +in spite of drawbacks, it must be good. She listened to their +papers, heard their earnest propaganda. A distinguished Jewess from +New York told of the work among the immigrants and the methods by +which they were created into intelligent citizens; a beautiful +Kentuckian spoke of the work among the white mountaineers; a very +venerable gentlewoman from Chicago, exquisitely frail, talked on +behalf of the children in factories; a crisp, curt, efficient woman +from Oregon advocated the dissemination of books among the +"lumber-jacks." They were ingenious in their pursuit of +benevolences, and their annual reports were the impersonal records +of personal labors. They had started libraries, made little parks, +inaugurated playgrounds, instituted exchanges for the sale of +women's wares, secured women internes in hospitals, paid for truant +officers, founded children's protective associations, installed +branches of the Associated Charities, encouraged night schools, +circulated art exhibits and traveling libraries; they had placed +pictures in the public schools, founded kindergartens--the list +seemed inexhaustible.</p> +<p>"Oh, decidedly," Kate granted Honora, "the thing seems to be +good."</p> +<p>Moreover, there was good being done of a less assertive but +equally commendable nature. The lines of section grew vague when +the social Georgian sat side by side with the genial woman from +Michigan. Mrs. Johnson of Minnesota and Mrs. Cabot of +Massachusetts, Mrs. Hardin of Kentucky and Mrs. Garcia of +California, found no essential differences in each other. Ladies, +the world over, have a similarity of tastes. So, as they lunched, +dined, and drove together they established relationships more +intimate than their convention hall could have fostered. If they +had dissensions, these were counterbalanced by the exchange of +amenities. If their points of view diverged in lesser matters, they +converged in great ones.</p> +<p>And then the women of few opportunities--the farmers' wives +representing their earnest clubs; the village women, wistful and +rather shy; the emergent, onlooking company of few excursions, few +indulgences--what of the Federation for them? At first, perhaps, +they feared it; but cautiously, like unskilled swimmers, they took +their experimental strokes. They found themselves secure; heard +themselves applauded. They acquired boldness, and presently were +exhilarated by the consciousness of their own power. If the great +Federation could be cruel, it could be kind, too. One thing it had +stood for from the first, and by that thing it still abided--the +undeviating, disinterested determination to help women develop +themselves. So the faltering voice was listened to, and the report +of the eager, kind-eyed woman from the +little-back-water-of-the-world was heard with interest. The +Federation knew the value of this woman who said what she meant, +and did what she promised. They sent her home to her town to be an +inspiration. She was a little torch, carrying light.</p> +<p>Day succeeded day. From early morning till late at night the +great convention read its papers, ate its luncheons, held its +committee meetings--talked, aspired, lobbied, schemed, prayed, +sang, rejoiced! Culture was splendidly on its way--progress was the +watchword! It was wonderful and amusing and superb.</p> +<p>The Feminine mind, much in action, shooting back and forth like +a shuttle, was weaving a curious and admirable fabric. There might +be some trouble in discerning the design, but it was there, and if +it was not arrestingly original, at least it was interesting. In +places it was even beautiful. Now and then it gave suggestions of +the grotesque. It was shot through with the silver of talent, the +gold of genius. And with all of its defects it was splendid because +the warp thereof was purpose and the woof enthusiasm.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>Kate's day came. The great theater was packed--not a vacant seat +remained. For it was mid-afternoon, the sun was shining, and the +day was the last one of the convention.</p> +<p>The president presided with easy authority. It became her--that +seat. Her keen eyes expressed themselves as being satisfied; her +handsome head was carried proudly. Her voice, of medium pitch, had +an accent of gracious command. She presented to the eye a pleasing, +nay, an artistic, picture, and the very gown she wore was a symbol +of efficiency--sign to the initiate.</p> +<p>Kate's heart was fluttering, her mouth dry. She greeted her +chairwoman somewhat tremulously, and then faced her audience.</p> +<p>For a moment she faltered. Then a face came before her--Karl's +face. She did not so much wish to succeed for him as in despite of +him. He had said she would reach her greatest importance through +her relationship to him. At that moment she thrilled to the belief +that, independently of him, she was still important.</p> +<p>The great assemblage had ears for her. The idea of an extension +of motherhood, an organized, scientific supervision of children, +made an appeal such as nothing else could. For, after all, +persistently--almost irritatingly, at times--this great federation, +which was supposed to concern itself with many fine abstractions, +swung back to that concrete and essentially womanly idea of the +care of children. Women who had brought to it high messages of art +and education had known what it was to be exasperated into +speechlessness by what they were pleased to denominate the maternal +obsession.</p> +<p>Kate swung them back to it now, by means of impersonal rather +than personal arguments. She did not idealize paternity. She was +bitterly well aware by this time that parents were no better than +other folk, and that only a small proportion of those to whom the +blessing came were qualified or willing to bear its +responsibilities. She touched on eugenics--its advantages and its +limitations; she referred to the inadequacy of present laws and +protective measures. Then she went on to describe what a Bureau of +Children might be.</p> +<p>"The business of this bureau," she said, "will be the removal of +handicaps.</p> +<p>"Is the child blind, deaf, lame, tubercular, or possessed of any +sorry inheritance? The Bureau of Children will devise some method +of easing its way; some plan to save it from further degeneration. +Is the child talented, and in need of special training? Has it +genius, and should it, for the glory of the commonwealth and the +enrichment of life, be given the right of way? Then the Bureau of +Children will see to it that such provision is made. It will not be +the idea merely to aid the deficient and protect the vicious. Nor +shall its highest aspiration be to serve the average child, born of +average parents. It would delight to reward successful and devoted +parents by giving especial opportunity to their carefully trained +and highly developed children. As the Bureau of Agriculture labors +to propagate the best species of trees, fruit, and flowers, so we +would labor to propagate the best examples of humanity--the finest, +most sturdily reared, best intelligenced boys and girls.</p> +<p>"We would endeavor to prevent illness and loss of life among +babies and children. Our circulars would be distributed in all +languages among all of our citizens. We would employ specialists to +direct the feeding, clothing, and general rearing of the children +of all conditions. We would advocate the protection of children +until they reached the age of sixteen; and would endeavor to assist +in the supervision of these children until they were of legal age. +My idea would be to have all young people under twenty-one remain +in a sense the wards of schools. If they have had, at any early +age, to leave school and take the burdens of bread-winning upon +their young shoulders and their untried hearts, then I would advise +an extension of school authority. The schools should be provided +with assistant superintendents whose business it would be to help +these young bread-winners find positions in keeping with their +tastes and abilities, thus aiding them in the most practical and +beneficent way, to hold their places in this struggling, modern +world.</p> +<p>"It is an economic measure of the loftiest type. It will provide +against the waste of bodies and souls; it is a device for the +conservation and the scientific development of human beings. It is +part and parcel of the new, practical religion--a new prayer.</p> +<p>"'Prayer,' says the old hymn, 'is the soul's sincere +desire.'</p> +<p>"Many of us have lost our belief in the old forms of prayer. We +are beginning to realize that, to a great extent, the answer to +prayer lies in our own hands. Our answers come when we use the +powers that have been bestowed upon us. More and more each year, +those who employ their intellects for constructive purposes are +turning their energies toward the betterment of the world. They +have a new conception of 'the world to come.' It means to them our +good brown Mother Earth, warm and fecund and laden with fruits for +the consumption of her children as it may be under happier +conditions. They wish to increase the happiness of those children, +to elevate them physically and mentally, and to give their spirits, +too often imprisoned and degraded by hard circumstance, a chance to +grow.</p> +<p>"When you let the sunlight in to a stunted tree, with what +exultant gratitude it lifts itself toward the sun! How its branches +greet the wind and sing in them, how its little leaves come dancing +out to make a shelter for man and the birds and the furred brothers +of the forest! But this, wonderful and beautiful as it is, is but a +small thing compared with the way in which the soul of a stunted +child--stunted by evil or by sunless environment--leaps and grows +and sings when the great spiritual elements of love and liberty are +permitted to reach it.</p> +<p>"You have talked of the conservation of forests; and you speak +of a great need--an imperative cause. I talk of the conservation of +children--which is a greater need and a holier right.</p> +<p>"Mammalia are numerous in this world; real mothers are rare. Can +we lift the mammalia up into the high estate of motherhood? I +believe so. Can we grow superlative children, as we grow +superlative fruits and animals? Oh, a thousand times, yes. I beg +for your support of this new idea. Let the spirit of inspiration +enter into your reflections concerning it. Let that concentration +of purpose which you have learned in your clubs and federations be +your aid here.</p> +<p>"Most of you whom I see before me are no longer engaged actively +in the tasks of motherhood. The children have gone out from your +homes into homes of their own. You are left denuded and hungry for +the old sweet vocation. Your hands are too idle; your abilities lie +unutilized. But here is a task at hand. I do not say that you are +to use this extension to your motherhood for children alone, or +merely in connection with this proposed Bureau. I urge you, indeed, +to employ it in all conceivable ways. Be the mothers of men and +women as well as of little children--the mothers of +communities--the mothers of the state. And as a focus to these +energies and disinterested activities, let us pray Washington to +give us the Bureau of Children."</p> +<p>She turned from her responsive audience to the chairwoman, who +handed her a yellow envelope.</p> +<p>"A telegram, Miss Barrington. Should I have given it to you +before? I disliked interrupting."</p> +<p>Kate tore it open.</p> +<p>It was from the President of the United States. It ran:--</p> +<p>"I have the honor to inform you that the Bureau of Children will +become a feature of our government within a year. It is the desire +of those most interested, myself included, that you should accept +the superintendence of it. I hope this will reach you on the day of +your address before the Federation of Women's Clubs. Accept my +congratulations."</p> +<p>It was signed by the chief executive. Kate passed the message to +the chairwoman.</p> +<p>"May I read it?" the gratified president questioned. Kate +nodded. The gavel fell, and the vibrant, tremulous voice of the +president was heard reading the significant message. The women +listened for a moment with something like incredulity--for they +were more used to delays and frustrations than to coöperation; +then the house filled with the curious muffled sounds of gloved +hands in applause. Presently a voice shrilled out in inarticulate +acclaim. Kate could not catch its meaning, but two thousand women, +robed like flowers, swayed to their feet. Their handkerchiefs +fluttered. The lovely Californian blossoms were snatched from their +belts and their bosoms and flung upon the platform with +enthusiastic, uncertain aim.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXXII"></a>XXXII</h2> +<br> +<p>Afterward Kate took Honora down to the sea. They found a little +house that fairly bathed its feet in the surf, and here they passed +the days very quietly, at least to outward seeming. The Pacific +thundered in upon them; they could hear the winds, calling and +calling with an immemorial invitation; they knew of the little +jewelled islands that lay out in the seas and of the lands of eld +on the far, far shore; and they dreamed strange dreams.</p> +<p>Sitting in the twilight, watching the light reluctantly leave +the sea, they spoke of many things. They spoke most of all of +women, and it sometimes seemed, as they sat there,--one at the +doorway of the House of Life and one in a shaded inner chamber,--as +if the rune of women came to them from their far sisters: from +those in their harems, from others in the blare of commercial, +Occidental life; from those in chambers of pain; from those +freighted with the poignant burdens which women bear in their +bodies and in their souls.</p> +<p>As the darkness deepened, they grew unashamed and then +reticences fell from them. The eternally flowing sea, the +ever-recurrent night gave them courage, though they were women, to +speak the truth.</p> +<p>"When I found how deeply I loved David," said Honora, "and that +I could serve him, too, by marrying him, I would no more have put +the idea of marriage with him out of my mind than I would have cast +away a hope of heaven if I had seen that shining before me. I would +no more have turned from it than I would have turned from food, if +I had been starving; or water after I had been thirsting in the +desert. Why, Kate, to marry him was inevitable! The bird doesn't +think when it sings or the bud when it flowers. It does what it was +created to do. I married David the same way."</p> +<p>"I understand," said Kate.</p> +<p>They sat on their little low, sand-swept balcony, facing the +sea. The rising tide filled the world with its soft and +indescribable cadence. The stars came out into the sky according to +their rank--the greatest first, and after them the less, and the +less no more lacking in beauty than the great. All was as it should +be--all was ordered--all was fit and wonderful.</p> +<p>"So," went on Honora, after a silence which the sea filled in +with its low harmonies, "if you loved Karl--"</p> +<p>"Wait!" said Kate. So Honora waited. Another silence fell. Then +Kate spoke brokenly.</p> +<p>"If to feel when I am with him that I have reached my home; if +to suffer a strangeness even with myself, and to feel less familiar +with myself than with him, is to love, then I love him, Honora. If +to want to work with him, and to feel there could be no exultation +like overcoming difficulties with him, is love, then truly I love +him. If just to see him, at a distance, enriches the world and +makes the stream of time turn from lead to gold is anything in the +nature of love, then I am his lover. If to long to house with him, +to go by the same name that he does, to wear him, so to speak, +carved on my brow, is to love, then I do."</p> +<p>"Then I foresee that you will be one of the happiest women in +the world."</p> +<p>"No! No; you mustn't say that. Aren't there other things than +love, Honora,--better things than selfish delight?"</p> +<p>"My dear, you have no call to distress yourself about the occult +meanings of that word 'selfish.' Unselfish people--or those who +mean to be so--contrive, when they refuse to follow the instincts +of their hearts, to cause more suffering even than the out-and-out +selfish ones."</p> +<p>"But I have an opportunity to serve thousands--maybe hundreds of +thousands of human beings. I can set in motion a movement which may +have a more lasting effect upon my country than any victory ever +gained by it on a field of battle; and perhaps in time the example +set by this land will be followed by others. Dare I face that +mystic, inner ME and say: 'I choose my man, I give him all my life, +and I resign my birthright of labor. For this personal joy I refuse +to be the Sister of the World; I let the dream perish; I hinder a +great work'? Oh, Honora, I want him, I want him! But am I for that +reason to be false to my destiny?"</p> +<p>"You want celebrity!" said Honora with sudden bitterness. "You +want to go to Washington, to have your name numbered among the +leading ones of the nation; you are not willing to spend your days +in the solitude of Williston Ranch as wife to its master."</p> +<p>"I will not say that you are speaking falsely, but I think you +know you are setting out only a little part of the truth. Admit it, +Honora."</p> +<p>Honora sighed heavily.</p> +<p>"Oh, yes," she said at length, "I do admit it. You must forgive +me, Kate. It seems so easy for you two to be happy that I can't +help feeling it blasphemous for you to be anything else. If it were +an ordinary marriage or an ordinary separation, I shouldn't feel so +agonized over it. But you and Karl--such mates--the only free +spirits I know! How you would love! It would be epic. And I should +rejoice that you were living in that savage world instead of in a +city. You two would need room--like great beautiful buildings. Who +would wish to see you in the jumble of a city? With you to aid him, +Karl may become a distinguished man. Your lives would go on +together, widening, widening--"</p> +<p>"Oh!" interrupted Kate with a sharp ejaculation; "we'll not talk +of it any more, Honora. You must not think because I cannot marry +him that he will always be unhappy. In time he will find another +woman--"</p> +<p>"Kate! Will you find another man?"</p> +<p>"You know I shall not! After Wander? Any man would be an +anticlimax to me after him."</p> +<p>"Can you suspect him of a passion or a fealty less than your +own? If you refuse to marry him, I believe you will frustrate a +great purpose of Nature. Why, Kate, it will be a crime against +Love. The thought as I feel it means more--oh, infinitely +more--than I can make the words convey to you; but you must think +them over, Kate,--I beg you to think them over!"</p> +<p>In the darkness, Kate heard Honora stealing away to her +room.</p> +<p>So she was alone, and the hour had come for her decision.</p> +<p>"'Bitter, alas,'" she quoted to the rising trouble of the sea, +'"the sorrow of lonely women.'" The distillation of that strange +duplex soul, Fiona Macleod, was as a drop of poisoned truth upon +her parched tongue.</p> +<blockquote>"We who love are those who suffer;<br> +We who suffer most are those who most do love."</blockquote> +<p>She went down upon the sands. The tongues of the sea came up and +lapped her feet. The winds of the sea enfolded her in an embrace. +For the first time in her life, freely, without restraint, bravely, +as sometime she might face God, she confronted the idea of Love. +And a secret, wonderful knowledge came to her--the knowledge of +lovely spiritual ecstasies, the realization of rich human delights. +Sorrow and cruel loss might be on their way, but Joy was hers now. +She feigned that Karl was waiting for her a little way on in the +warm darkness--on, around that scimitar-shaped bend of the beach. +She chose to believe that he was running to meet her, his eyes +aflame, his great arms outstretched; she thrilled to the rain of +his kisses; she thought those stars might hear the voice with which +he shouted, "Kate!"</p> +<p>Then, calmer, yet as if she had run a race, panting, palpitant, +she seated herself on the sands. She let her imagination roam +through the years. She saw the road of life they would take +together; how they would stand on peaks of lofty desire, in +sunlight; how, unfaltering, they would pace tenebrous valleys. +Always they would be together. Their laughter would chime and their +tears would fall in unison. Where one failed, the other would +redeem; where one doubted, the other would hope. They would bear +their children to be the vehicle of their ideals--these fresh new +creatures, born of their love, would be trained to achieve what +they, their parents, had somehow missed.</p> +<p>Then her bolder thought died. She, who had forced herself so +relentlessly to face the world as a woman faces it, with the +knowledge and the courage of maturity, felt her wisdom slip from +her. She was a girl, very lonely, facing a task too large for her, +needing the comfort of her lover's word. She stretched herself upon +the sand, face downward, weeping, because she was afraid of +life--because she was wishful for the joy of woman and dared not +take it.</p> +<hr style="width: 25%;"> +<p>"Have you decided?" asked Honora in the morning.</p> +<p>"I think so," answered Kate.</p> +<p>Honora scrutinized the face of her friend.</p> +<p>"Accept," she said, "my profound commiseration." Her tone seemed +to imply that she included contempt.</p> +<p>After this, there was a change in Honora's attitude toward her. +Kate felt herself more alone than she ever had been in her life. It +was as if she had been cast out into a desert--a sandy plain +smitten with the relentless Sun of Life, and in it was no house of +refuge, no comfortable tree, no waters of healing. No, nor any +other soul. Alone she walked there, and the only figures she saw +were those of the mirage. It gave her a sort of relief to turn her +face eastward and to feel that she must traverse the actual desert, +and come at the end to literal combat.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXXIII"></a>XXXIII</h2> +<br> +<p>Two dragons, shedding fire, had paused midway of the desert. One +was the Overland Express racing from Los Angeles to Kansas City; +its fellow was headed for the west. Both had halted for fuel and +water and the refreshment of the passengers. The dusk was gathering +over the illimitable sandy plain, and the sun, setting behind +wind-blown buttes, wore a sinister glow. By its fantastic light the +men and women from the trains paced back and forth on the wide +platform, or visited the luxurious eating-house, where palms and +dripping waters, roses and inviting food bade them forget that they +were on the desert.</p> +<p>Kate and Honora had dined and were walking back and forth in the +deep amber light.</p> +<p>"Such a world to live in," cried Kate admiringly, pressing +Honora's arm to her side. "Do you know, of all the places that I +might have imagined as desirable for residence, I believe I like +our old earth the best!"</p> +<p>She was in an inconsequential mood, and Honora indulged her with +smiling silence.</p> +<p>"I couldn't have thought of a finer desert than this if I had +tried," she went on gayly. "And this wicked saffron glow is +precisely the color to throw on it. What a mistake it would have +been if some supernal electrician had dropped a green or a blue +spot-light on the scene! Now, just hear that fountain dripping and +that ground-wind whispering! Who wouldn't live in the arid lands? +It's all as it should be. So are you, too, aren't you, Honora? +You've forgiven me, too, I know you have; and you're getting +stronger every day, and making ready for happiness, aren't +you?"</p> +<p>She leaned forward to look in her companion's face.</p> +<p>"Oh, yes, Kate," said Honora. "It really is as it should be with +me. I'm looking forward, now, to what is to come. To begin with, +there are the children shining like little stars at the end of my +journey; and there's the necessity of working for them. I'm glad of +that--I'm glad I have to work for them. Perhaps I shall be offered +a place at the University of Wisconsin. I think I should be if I +gave any indication that I had such a desire. The president and I +are old friends. Oh, yes, indeed, I'm very thankful that I'm able +to look forward again with something like expectancy--"</p> +<p>The words died on her lips. She was arrested as if an angry god +had halted her. Kate, startled, looked up. Before them, +marble-faced and hideously abashed,--yet beautiful with an +insistent beauty,--stood Mary Morrison, like Honora, static with +pain.</p> +<p>It seemed as if it must be a part of that fantastic, dream-like +scene. So many visions were born of the desert that this, not +unreasonably, might be one. But, no, these two women who had played +their parts in an appalling drama, were moving, involuntarily, as +it seemed, nearer to each other. For a second Kate thought of +dragging Honora away, till it came to her by some swift message of +the spirit that Honora did not wish to avoid this encounter. +Perhaps it seemed to her like a fulfillment--the last strain of a +wild and dissonant symphony. It was the part of greater kindness to +drop her arm and stand apart.</p> +<p>"Shall we speak, Mary," said Honora at length. "Or shall we pass +on in silence?"</p> +<p>"It isn't for me to say," wavered the other. "Any way, it's too +late for words to matter."</p> +<p>"Yes," agreed Honora. "Quite too late."</p> +<p>They continued to stare at each other--so like, yet so unlike. +It was Honora's face which was ravaged, though Mary had sinned the +sin. True, pallor and pain were visible in Mary's face, even in the +disguising light of that strange hour and place, but back of it +Kate perceived her indestructible frivolity. She surmised how +rapidly the scenes of Mary's drama would succeed each other; how +remorse would yield to regret, regret to diminishing grief, grief +to hope, hope to fresh adventures with life. Here in all verity was +"the eternal feminine," fugitive, provocative, unspiritualized, and +shrinking the one quality, fecundity, which could have justified +it.</p> +<p>But Honora was speaking, and her low tones, charged with a +mortal grief, were audible above the tramping of many feet, the +throbbing of the engines, and the talking and the laughter.</p> +<p>"If you had stayed to die with him," she was saying, "I could +have forgiven you everything, because I should have known then that +you loved him as he hungered to be loved."</p> +<p>"He wouldn't let me," Mary wailed. "Honestly, Honora--"</p> +<p>"Wouldn't let you!" The scorn whipped Mary's face scarlet.</p> +<p>"Nobody wants to die, Honora!" pleaded the other. "You wouldn't +yourself, when it came to it."</p> +<p>A child might have spoken so. The puerility of the words caused +Honora to check her speech. She looked with a merciless scrutiny at +that face in which the dimples would come and go even at such a +moment as this. The long lashes curled on the cheeks with +unconscious coquetry; the eyes, that had looked on horrors, held an +intrinsic brilliance. The Earth itself, with its perpetual +renewals, was not more essentially expectant than this woman.</p> +<p>Honora's amazement at her cousin's hedonism gave way to contempt +for it.</p> +<p>"Oh," she groaned, "to have had the power to destroy a great man +and to have no knowledge of what you've done! To have lived through +all that you have, and to have got no soul, after all!"</p> +<p>She had stepped back as if to measure the luscious opulence of +Mary's form with an eye of passionate depreciation.</p> +<p>"Stop her, Miss Barrington," cried Mary, seizing Kate's arm. +"There's no use in all this, and people will overhear. Can't you +take her away?"</p> +<p>She might have gazed at the Medusa's head as she gazed at +Honora's.</p> +<p>"Come," said Kate to Honora. "As Miss Morrison says, there's no +use in all this."</p> +<p>"If David and I did wrong, it was quite as much Honora's fault +as mine, really it was," urged "Blue-eyed Mary," her childish voice +choking.</p> +<p>Kate shook her hand off and looked at her from a height.</p> +<p>"Don't dare to discuss that," she warned. "Don't dare!"</p> +<p>She threw her arm around Honora.</p> +<p>"Do come," she pleaded. "All this will make you worse +again."</p> +<p>"I don't wish you ill," continued Honora, seeming not to hear +and still addressing herself to Mary. "I know you will live on in +luxury somehow or other, and that good men will fetch and carry for +you. You exude an essence which they can no more resist than a bee +can honey. I don't blame you. That's what you were born for. But +don't think that makes a woman of you. You never can be a woman! +Women have souls; they suffer; they love and work and forget +themselves; they know how to go down to the gates of death. You +don't know how to do any of those things, now, do you?"</p> +<p>She had grown terrible, and her questions had the effect of +being spoken by some daemonic thing within her--something that made +of her mouth a medium as the priestesses did of the mouths of the +ancient oracles.</p> +<p>"Miss Barrington," shuddered Mary, "I'm trying to hold on to +myself, but I don't think I can do it much longer. Something is +hammering at my throat. I feel as if I were being strangled--" she +was choking in the grasp of hysteria.</p> +<p>Kate drew Honora away with a determined violence.</p> +<p>"She'll be screaming horribly in a minute," she said. "You don't +want to hear that, do you?"</p> +<p>Honora gave one last look at the miserable girl.</p> +<p>"Of course, you know," she said, throwing into her words an +intensity which burned like acid, "that he did not die for you, +Mary. He died to save his soul alive. He died to find himself--and +me. Just that much I have to have you know."</p> +<p>At that Kate forced her to go into the Pullman, and seated her +by the window where the rising wind, bringing its tale of eternal +solitude, eternal barrenness, could fan her cheek. A gentleman who +had been pacing the platform alone approached Mary and seemed to +offer her assistance with anxious solicitude. She drooped upon his +arm, and as she passed beneath the window the odor of her perfumes +stole to Honora's nostrils.</p> +<p>"How dare she walk beneath my window?" Honora demanded of Kate. +"Isn't she afraid I may kill her?"</p> +<p>"No, I don't think she is, Honora. Why should she suspect +anything ignoble of you?"</p> +<p>Silence fell. A dull golden star blossomed in the West.</p> +<p>"All aboard! All aboard!" called the conductors. The people +began straggling toward their trains, laughing their farewells.</p> +<p>"Hope I'll meet you again sometime!"</p> +<p>"East or West, home's the best."</p> +<p>"You're sure you're not going on my train?"</p> +<p>"Me for God's country! You'll find nothing but fleas and flubdub +on the Coast."</p> +<p>"You'll be back again next year, just the same. Everybody comes +back."</p> +<p>"All aboard! All aboard!"</p> +<p>"God willing," said Honora, "I shall never see her again."</p> +<p>Suddenly she ceased to be primitive and became a civilized woman +with a trained conscience and artificial solicitude.</p> +<p>"How do you suppose she's going to live, Kate? She had no money. +Will David have made any arrangement for her? Oughtn't I to see to +that?"</p> +<p>"You are neither to kill nor pension her," said Kate angrily. +"Keep still, Honora."</p> +<p>The fiery worms became active, and threshed their way across the +fast-chilling and silent plain. On the eastbound one two women sat +in heavy reverie. On the westbound one a group of solicitous ladies +and gentlemen gathered about a golden-haired daughter of California +offering her sal volatile, claret, brandy-and-water. She chose the +claret and sipped it tremblingly. Its deep hue answered the glow in +the great ruby in her ring. By a chance her eye caught it and she +turned the jewel toward her palm.</p> +<p>"A superb stone," commented one of the kindly group. "You +purchased it abroad?" The inquiry was meant to distract her +thoughts. It did not quite succeed. She put the wine from her and +covered her face with her hands, for suddenly she was assailed by a +memory of the burning kisses with which that gem had been placed +upon her finger by lips now many fathoms beneath the surface of the +sun-warmed world.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXXIV"></a>XXXIV</h2> +<br> +<p>Kate and Honora left the train at the station of Wander, and the +man for whom it was named was there to meet them. If it was summer +with the world, it was summer with him, too. Some new plenitude had +come to him since Kate had seen him last. His full manhood seemed +to be realized. A fine seriousness invested him--a seriousness +which included, the observer felt sure, all imaginable fit forms of +joy. Clothed in gray, save for the inevitable sombrero, +clean-shaven, bright-eyed, capable, renewed with hope, he took both +women with a protecting gesture into his embrace. The three +rejoiced together in that honest demonstration which seems +permissible in the West, where social forms and fears have not much +foothold.</p> +<p>They talked as happily of little things as if great ones were +not occupying their minds. To listen, one would have thought that +only "little joys" and small vexations had come their way. It would +be by looking into their faces that one could see the marks of +passion--the passion of sorrow, of love, of sacrifice.</p> +<p>As they came out of the piñon grove, Honora discovered +her babies. They were in white, fresh as lilies, or, perhaps, as +little angels, well beloved of heavenly mothers; and they came +running from the house, their golden hair shining like aureoles +about their eager faces. Their sandaled feet hardly touched the +ground, and, indeed, could they have been weighed at that moment, +it surely had been found that they had become almost imponderable +because of the ethereal lightness of their spirits. Their arms were +outstretched; their eyes burning like the eyes of seraphs.</p> +<p>"Stop!" cried Honora to Karl in a choking voice. He drew up his +restless, home-bound horses, and she leaped to the ground. As she +ran toward her little ones on swift feet, the two who watched her +were convinced that she had regained her old-time vigor, and had +acquired an eloquence of personality which never before had been +hers. She gathered her treasures in her arms and walked with them +to the house.</p> +<p>Kate had not many minutes to wait in the living-room before +Wander joined her. It was a long room, with triplicate, lofty +windows facing the mountains which wheeled in majestic semicircle +from north to west. At this hour the purple shadows were gathering +on them, and great peace and beauty lay over the world.</p> +<p>There was but one door to this room and Wander closed it.</p> +<p>"I may as well know my fate now," he said. "I've waited for this +from the moment I saw you last. Are you going to be my wife, +Kate?"</p> +<p>He stood facing her, breathing rather heavily, his face +commanded to a tense repose.</p> +<p>"My answer is 'no,'" cried Kate, holding out her hands to him. +"I love you as my life, and my answer is 'no.'"</p> +<p>He took the hands she had extended.</p> +<p>"Kiss me!" He gathered her into his arms, and upon her welcoming +lips he laid his own in such a kiss as a man places upon but one +woman's lips.</p> +<p>"Now, what is your answer?" he breathed after a time. "Tell me +your answer now, you much-loved woman--tell it, beloved."</p> +<p>She kissed his brow and his eyes; he felt her tears upon his +cheeks.</p> +<p>"You know all that I have thought and felt," she said; "you +know--for I have written--what my life may be. Do you ask me to let +it go and to live here in this solitude with you?"</p> +<p>"Yes, by heaven," he said, his eyes blazing, "I ask it."</p> +<p>Some influence had gone out from them which seemed to create a +palpitant atmosphere of delight in which they stood. It was as if +the spiritual essence of them, mingling, had formed the perfect +fluid of the soul, in which it was a privilege to live and breathe +and dream.</p> +<p>"I am so blessed in you," whispered Karl, "so completed by you, +that I cannot let you go, even though you go on to great usefulness +and great goodness. I tell you, your place is here in my home. It +is safe here. I have seen you standing on a precipice, Kate, up +there in the mountain. I warned you of its danger; you told me of +its glory. But I repeat my warning now, for I see you venturing on +to that precipice of loneliness and fame on which none but sad and +lonely women stand."</p> +<p>"Oh, I know what you say is true, Karl. I mean to do my work +with all the power there is in me, and I shall be rejoicing in that +and in Life--it's in me to be glad merely that I'm living. But deep +within my heart I shall, as you say, be both lonely and sad. If +there's any comfort in that for you--"</p> +<p>"No, there's no comfort at all for me in that, Kate. Stay with +me, stay with me! Be my wife. Why, it's your destiny."</p> +<p>Kate crossed the room as if she would move beyond that aura +which vibrated about him and in which she could not stand without a +too dangerous delight. She was very pale, but she carried her head +high still--almost defiantly.</p> +<p>"I mean to be the mother to many, many children, Karl," she said +in a voice which thrilled with sorrow and pride and a strange joy. +"To thousands and thousands of children. But for the Idea I +represent and the work I mean to do they would be trampled in the +dust of the world. Can't you see that I am called to this as men +are called to honorable services for their country? This is a +woman's form of patriotism. It's a higher one than the soldier's, I +think. It's come my way to be the banner-carrier, and I'm glad of +it. I take my chance and my honor just as you would take your +chance and your honor. But I could resign the glory, Karl, for your +love, and count it worth while."</p> +<p>"Kate--"</p> +<p>"But the thing to which I am faithful is my opportunity for +great service. Come with me, Karl, my dear. Think how we could work +together in Washington--think what such a brain and heart as yours +would mean to a new cause. We'd lose ourselves--and find +ourselves--laboring for one of the kindest, lovingest ideas the +hard old world has yet devised. Will you come and help me, Karl, +man?"</p> +<p>He moved toward her, his hands outspread with a protesting +gesture.</p> +<p>"You know that all my work is here, Kate. This is my home, these +mines are mine, the town is mine. It is not only my own money which +is invested, but the money of other men--friends who have trusted +me and whose prosperity depends upon me."</p> +<p>"Oh, but, Karl, aren't there ways of arranging such things? You +say I am dear to you--transfer your interests and come with +me--Karl!" Her voice was a pleader's, yet it kept its pride.</p> +<p>"Kate! How can I? Do you want me to be a supplement to you--a +hanger-on? Don't you see that you would make me ridiculous?"</p> +<p>"Would I?" said Kate. "Does it seem that way to you? Then you +haven't learned to respect me, after all."</p> +<p>"I worship you," he cried.</p> +<p>Kate smiled sadly.</p> +<p>"I know," she said, "but worship passes--"</p> +<p>"No--" he flung out, starting toward her.</p> +<p>But she held him back with a gesture.</p> +<p>"You have stolen my word," she said with an accent of finality. +"'No'" is the word you force me to speak. I am going on to +Washington in the morning, Karl.</p> +<p>They heard the children running down the hall and pounding on +the door with their soft fists. When Kate opened to them, they +clambered up her skirts. She lifted them in her arms, and Karl saw +their sunny heads nestling against her dark one. As she left the +room, moving unseeingly, she heard the hard-wrung groan that came +from his lips.</p> +<p>A moment later, as she mounted the stairs, she saw him striding +up the trail which they, together, had ascended once when the sun +of their hope was still high.</p> +<p>She did not meet him again that day. She and Honora ate their +meals in silence, Honora dark with disapproval, Kate clinging to +her spar of spiritual integrity.</p> +<p>If that "no" thundered in Karl's ears the night through while he +kept the company of his ancient comforters the mountains, no less +did it beat shatteringly in the ears of the woman who had spoken +it.</p> +<p>"No," to the deep and mystic human joys; "no" to the most holy +privilege of women; "no" to light laughter and a dancing heart; +"no" to the lowly, satisfying labor of a home. For her the steep +path, alone; for her the precipice. From it she might behold the +sunrise and all the glory of the world, but no exalted sense of +duty or of victory could blind her to its solitude and to its +danger.</p> +<p>Yet now, if ever, women must be true to the cause of liberty. +They had been, through all the ages, willing martyrs to the general +good. Now it was laid upon them to assume the responsibilities of a +new crusade, to undertake a fresh martyrdom, and this time it was +for themselves. Leagued against them was half--quite half--of their +sex. Vanity and prettiness, dalliance and dependence were their +characteristics. With a shrug of half-bared shoulders they +dismissed all those who, painfully, nobly, gravely, were fighting +to restore woman's connection with reality--to put her back, +somehow, into the procession; to make, by new methods, the "coming +lady" as essential to the commonwealth as was the old-time +châtelaine before commercialism filched her vocations and +left her the most cultivated and useless of parasites.</p> +<p>Oh, it was no little thing for which she was fighting! Kate +tried to console herself with that. If she passionately desired to +create an organization which should exercise parental powers over +orphaned or poorly guarded children, still more did she wish to set +an example of efficiency for women, illustrating to them with how +firm a step woman might tread the higher altitudes of public life, +making an achievement, not a compromise, of labor.</p> +<p>Moreover, no other woman in the country had at present had an +opportunity that equaled her own. Look at it how she would, throb +as she might with a woman's immemorial nostalgia for a true man's +love, she could not escape the relentless logic of the situation. +It was not the hour for her to choose her own pleasure. She must +march to battle leaving love behind, as the heroic had done since +love and combat were known to the world.</p> +<br> +<br> +<hr style="width: 35%;"> +<br> +<br> +<h2><a name="XXXV"></a>XXXV</h2> +<br> +<p>Morning came. She was called early that she might take the train +for the East, and arising from her sleepless bed she summoned her +courage imperatively. She determined that, however much she might +suffer from the reproaches of her inner self,--that mystic and +hidden self which so often refuses to abide by the decisions of the +brain and the conscience,--she would not betray her falterings. So +she was able to go down to the breakfast-room with an alert step +and a sufficiently gallant carriage of the head.</p> +<p>Honora was there, as pale as Kate herself, and she did not +scruple to turn upon her departing guest a glance both regretful +and forbidding. Kate looked across the breakfast-table at her +gloomy aspect.</p> +<p>"Honora," she said with some exasperation, "you've walked +<i>your</i> path, and it wasn't the usual one, now, was it? But I +stood fast for your right to be unusual, didn't I? Then, when the +whole scheme of things went to pieces and you were suffering, I +didn't lay your misfortune to the singularity of your life. I knew +that thousands and thousands of women, who had done the usual thing +and chosen the beaten way, had suffered just as much as you. I +tried to give you a hand up--blunderingly, I suppose, but I did the +best I could. Of course, I'm a beast for reminding you of it. But +what I want to know is, why you should be looking at me with the +eyes of a stony-hearted critic because I'm taking the hardest road +for myself. You don't suppose I'd do it without sufficient reason, +do you? Standing at the parting of the ways is a serious matter, +however interesting it may be at the moment."</p> +<p>Honora's face flushed and her eyes filled.</p> +<p>"Oh," she cried, "I can't bear to see you putting happiness +behind you. What's the use? Don't you realize that men and women +are little more than motes in the sunshine, here for an hour and +to-morrow--nothing! I'm pretty well through with those theories +that people call principles and convictions. Why not be obedient to +Nature? She's the great teacher. Doesn't she tell you to take love +and joy when they come your way?"</p> +<p>"We've threshed all that out, haven't we?" asked Kate +impatiently. "Why go over the ground again? But I must say, if a +woman of your intelligence--and my friend at that--can't see why +I'm taking an uphill road, alone, instead of walking in a pleasant +valley with the best of companions, then I can hardly expect any +one else to sympathize with me. However, what does it matter? I +said I was going alone so why should I complain?"</p> +<p>Her glance fell on the fireplace before which she and Karl had +sat the night when he first welcomed her beneath his roof. She +remembered the wild silence of the hour, the sense she had had of +the invisible presence of the mountains, and how Karl's love had +streamed about her like shafts of light.</p> +<p>"I've seen nothing of Karl," said Honora abruptly. "He went up +the trail yesterday morning, and hasn't been back to the house +since."</p> +<p>"He didn't come home last night? He didn't sleep in his +bed?"</p> +<p>"No, I tell you. He's had the Door of Life slammed in his face, +and I suppose he's pretty badly humiliated. Karl isn't cut out to +be a beggar hanging about the gates, is he? Pence and crumbs +wouldn't interest him. I wonder if you have any idea how a man like +that can suffer? Do you imagine he is another Ray McCrea?"</p> +<p>"Pour my coffee, please, Honora," said Kate.</p> +<p>Honora took the hint and said no more, while Kate hastily ate +her breakfast. When she had finished she said as she left the +table:--</p> +<p>"I'd be glad if you'll tell the stable-man that I'll not take +the morning train. I'm sorry to change my mind, but it's +unavoidable."</p> +<p>The smart traveling-suit she had purchased in Los Angeles was +her equipment that morning. To this she added her hat and +traveling-veil.</p> +<p>"If you're going up the mountain," said the maladroit Honora, +"better not wear those things. They'll be ruined."</p> +<p>"Oh, things!" cried Kate angrily. She stopped at the doorway. +"That wasn't decent of you, Honora. I <i>am</i> going up the +mountain--but what right had you to suppose it?"</p> +<p>The whole household knew it a moment later--the maids, the men +at the stables and the corral. They knew it, but they thought more +of her. She went so proudly, so openly. The judgment they might +have passed upon lesser folk, they set aside where Wander and his +resistant sweetheart were concerned. They did not know the theater, +these Western men and women, but they recognized drama when they +saw it. Their deep love of romance was satisfied by these lovers, +so strong, so compelling, who moved like demigods in their +unconcern for the opinions of others.</p> +<p>Kate climbed the trail which she and Wander had taken together +on the day when she had mockingly proclaimed her declaration of +independence. She smiled bitterly now to think of the futility of +it. Independence? For whom did such a thing exist? Karl Wander was +drawing her to him as that mountain of lode in the Yellowstone drew +the lightnings of heaven.</p> +<p>In time she came to the bench beside the torrent where she and +Wander had rested that other, unforgettable day. She paused there +now for a long time, for the path was steep and the altitude great. +The day had turned gray and a cold wind was arising--crying wind, +that wailed among the tumbled boulders and drove before it clouds +of somber hue.</p> +<p>After a time she went on, and as she mounted, encountering ever +a steeper and more difficult way, she tore the leather of her +shoes, rent the skirt of her traveling-frock, and ruined her gloves +with soil and rock.</p> +<p>"If I have to go back as I came, alone," she reflected, "all in +tatters like this, to find that he is at the mines or the village, +attending to his work, I shall cut a fine figure, shan't I? The +very gods will laugh at me."</p> +<p>She flamed scarlet at the thought, but she did not turn +back.</p> +<p>Presently she came to a place where the path forked. A very +narrow, appallingly deep gorge split the mountain at this point, +each path skirting a side of this crevasse.</p> +<p>"I choose the right path," said Kate aloud.</p> +<p>Her heart and lungs were again rebelling at the altitude and the +exertion, and she was forced to lie flat for a long time. She lay +with her face to the sky watching the roll of the murky clouds. +Above her towered the crest of the mountain, below her stretched +the abyss. It was a place where one might draw apart from all the +world and contemplate the little thing that men call Life. Neither +ecstasy nor despair came to her, though some such excesses might +have been expected of one whose troubled mind contemplated such +magnificence, such terrific beauty. Instead, she seemed to face the +great soul of Truth--to arrive at a conclusion of perfect sanity, +of fine reasonableness.</p> +<p>Conventions, pettiness, foolish pride, waywardness, secret +egotism, fell away from her. The customs of society, with what was +valuable in them and what was inadequate, assumed their true +proportions. It was as if her House of Life had been swept of +fallacy by the besom of the mountain wind. A feeling of strength, +courage, and clarity took possession of her. There was an +expectation, too,--nay, the conviction,--that an event was at hand +fraught for her with vast significance.</p> +<p>The trail, almost perpendicular now, led up a mighty rock. She +pulled herself up, and emerging upon the crown of the mountain, +beheld the proud peaks of the Rockies, bare or snow-capped, +dripping with purple and gray mists, sweeping majestically into the +distance. Such solemnity, such dark and passionate beauty, she +never yet had seen, though she was by this time no stranger to the +Rockies, and she had looked upon the wonders of the Sierras. She +envisaged as much of this sublimity as eye and brain might hold; +then, at a noise, glanced at that tortuous trail--yet more +difficult than the one she had taken--which skirted the other side +of the continuing crevasse.</p> +<p>On it stood Karl Wander, not as she had seen him last, +impatient, racked with mental pain, and torn with pride and eager +love. He was haggard, but he had arrived at peace. He was master +over himself and no longer the creature of futile torments. To such +a man a woman might well capitulate if capitulation was her intent. +With such a chieftain might one well treat if one had a mind to +maintain the suzerainty of one's soul.</p> +<p>The wind assailed Kate violently, and she caught at a spur of +rock and clung, while her traveling-veil, escaped from bounds, +flung out like a "home-going" pennant of a ship.</p> +<p>"A flag of truce, Kate?" thundered Wander's voice.</p> +<p>"Will you receive it?" cried Kate.</p> +<p>Now that she had sought and found him, she would not surrender +without one glad glory of the hour.</p> +<p>"Name your conditions, beloved enemy."</p> +<p>"How can we talk like this?"</p> +<p>"We're not talking. We're shouting."</p> +<p>"Is there no way across?"</p> +<p>"Only for eagles."</p> +<p>"What did you mean by staying up here? I was terrified. What if +you had been dying alone--"</p> +<p>"I came up to think things out."</p> +<p>"Have you?"</p> +<p>"Yes."</p> +<p>"Well?"</p> +<p>"Kate, we must be married."</p> +<p>"Yes," laughed Kate. "I know it."</p> +<p>"But--"</p> +<p>"Yes," called Kate, "that's it. But--"</p> +<p>"But you shall do your work: I shall do mine."</p> +<p>"I know," said Kate. "That's what I meant to say to you. There's +more than one way of being happy and good."</p> +<p>"Go your way, Kate. Go to your great undertaking. Go as my wife. +I stay with my task. It may carry me farther and bring me more +honor than we yet know. I shall go to you when I can: you must come +to me--when you will. What more exhilarating? A few years will +bring changes. I hear they may send me to Washington, after all. +But they'll not need to send me. Lead where you will, I will +follow--on condition!"</p> +<p>"The condition?"</p> +<p>She stood laughing at him, shining at him, free and proud as the +"victory" of a sculptor's dream.</p> +<p>"That you follow my leadership in turn. We'll have a Republic of +Souls, Kate, with equal opportunity--none less, none greater--with +high expediency for the watchword."</p> +<p>"Yes. Oh, Karl, I came to say all this!"</p> +<p>"Then some day we'll settle down beneath one roof--we'll have a +hearthstone."</p> +<p>"Yes," cried Kate again, this time with an accent that drowned +forever the memory of her "no."</p> +<p>"Turn about, Kate; turn about and go down the trail. You'll have +to do it alone, I'm afraid. I can't get over there to help."</p> +<p>"I don't need help," retorted Kate. "It's fine doing it +alone."</p> +<p>"Follow your path, and I will follow mine. We can keep in sight +almost all the way, I think, and, as you know, a little below this +height, the paths converge."</p> +<p>Kate stood a moment longer, looking at him, measuring him.</p> +<p>"How splendid to be a man," she called. "But I'm glad I'm a +woman," she supplemented hastily.</p> +<p>"Not half so glad as I, Kate, my mate,--not a thousandth part so +glad as I."</p> +<p>She held out her arms to him. He gave a great laugh and plunged +down the path. Kate swept her glance once more over the dark beauty +of the mountain-tops--her splendid world, wrought with illimitable +joy in achievement by the Maker of Worlds,--and turning, ran down +the great rock that led to the trail.</p> +<br> +<h3>THE END</h3> +<br> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 12177 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/12177-h/images/001.png b/12177-h/images/001.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9d80921 --- /dev/null +++ b/12177-h/images/001.png |
