diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:44:16 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 04:44:16 -0700 |
| commit | b12e3d34f6bf6716ff532b98b30639dd98b5ed82 (patch) | |
| tree | 5c342b1f4a89249fd1e5865cda2035c751556c9f /old/14344-h | |
Diffstat (limited to 'old/14344-h')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/14344-h.htm | 2001 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/100.png | bin | 0 -> 121500 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/101-1.png | bin | 0 -> 119197 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/101-2.png | bin | 0 -> 21899 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/102.png | bin | 0 -> 157160 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/103.png | bin | 0 -> 263208 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/105.png | bin | 0 -> 92310 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/106-1.png | bin | 0 -> 90365 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/106-2.png | bin | 0 -> 9217 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/107.png | bin | 0 -> 291688 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/108.png | bin | 0 -> 44601 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/97.png | bin | 0 -> 50523 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/98.png | bin | 0 -> 207444 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/14344-h/images/99.png | bin | 0 -> 175551 bytes |
14 files changed, 2001 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/14344-h/14344-h.htm b/old/14344-h/14344-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2891c31 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/14344-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2001 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" /> + + <title>Punch, February 27, 1892.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + /*<![CDATA[*/ + + <!-- + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + p {text-align: justify;} + blockquote {text-align: justify;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {text-align: center;} + pre {font-size: 0.7em;} + + hr {text-align: center; width: 50%;} + html>body hr {margin-right: 25%; margin-left: 25%; width: 50%;} + hr.full {width: 100%;} + html>body hr.full {margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 0%; width: 100%;} + hr.short {text-align: center; width: 20%;} + html>body hr.short {margin-right: 40%; margin-left: 40%; width: 20%;} + + .note, .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + + span.pagenum + {position: absolute; left: 1%; right: 91%; font-size: 8pt;} + + .poem + {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem p {margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem p.i2 {margin-left: 1em;} + .poem p.i4 {margin-left: 2em;} + .poem p.i6 {margin-left: 3em;} + .poem p.i8 {margin-left: 4em;} + .poem p.i10 {margin-left: 5em;} + + .figure, .figcenter, .figright, .figleft + {padding: 1em; margin: 0; text-align: center; font-size: 0.8em;} + .figure img, .figcenter img, .figright img, .figleft img + {border: none;} + .figure p, .figcenter p, .figright p, .figleft p + {margin: 0; text-indent: 1em;} + .figcenter {margin: auto;} + .figright {float: right;} + .figleft {float: left;} + + p.author {text-align: right;} + --> + /*]]>*/ + </style> +</head> + +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 102, +February 27, 1892, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 102, February 27, 1892 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: December 13, 2004 [EBook #14344] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + + + + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the PG Online +Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + +</pre> + + <h1>PUNCH,<br /> + OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.</h1> + + <h2>Vol. 102.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + + <h2>February 27, 1892.</h2> + <hr class="full" /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page97" + id="page97"></a>[pg 97]</span> + + <h2>CONFESSIONS OF A DUFFER.</h2> + + <h3>V.—THE DUFFER AT CRICKET.</h3> + + <p>To hear my remarks on the Cricket, in the Pavilion, you + might think that I had been a great player entirely, in my day. + "Who is that fine old English sportsman," you might ask, "who + seems to have been so intimate with MYNN, and FULLER PILCH, and + CARPENTER, and HAYWARD and TARRANT and JACKSON and C.D. + MARSHAM? No doubt we see in him the remains of a sterling + Cricketer of the old school." And then when I lay down the law + on the iniquity of boundary hits, "always ran them out in + <i>my</i> time," and on the tame stupidity of letting balls to + the off go unpunished, and the wickedness of dispensing with a + long stop, you would be more and more pursuaded that I had at + least, played for my county. Well, I <i>have</i> played for my + county, but as the county I played for was Berwickshire, there + is perhaps nothing to be so very proud of in that distinction. + But this I will say for the Cricketing Duffer; he is your true + enthusiast. When I go to Lord's on a summer day, which of my + contemporaries do I meet there? Not the men who played for the + University, not the KENNYS and MITCHELLS and BUTLERS, but the + surviving members of College Second Elevens in the old days of + Cowley Marsh, when every man brought his own bottle of Oxford + wine for luncheon. These are the veterans who contribute most + to the crowd of lookers-on. They never were of any use as + players, but their hearts were in the game, and from the game + they will never be divorced. It is an ill thing for an outsider + to drop a remark about Cricket among us, at about eleven + o'clock in a country house smoking-room. After that the time + flies in a paradise of reminiscences, till about 4 A.M. or some + such "wee, short hour ayont the Twal'," if one may quote BURNS + without being insulted by all the numerous and capable wits of + Glasgow. Why is it that the Duffer keeps up his interest in + Cricket, while the good players cease to care much about it? + Perhaps <i>their</i> interest was selfish; his is purely ideal, + and consequently immortal. To him Cricket was ever an + unembodied joy of which he could make nothing palpable; nothing + subject to the cold law of averages. Mine was 0.3.</p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/97.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/97.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <p>My own introduction to Cricket, as to Golf, was peculiarly + poignant. I and my brother, aged more or less about six or + seven, were invited to play by the local Club, and we each + received exactly one very slow and considerate lob. But his lob + took him on the eye, and mine, kicking on a bad wicket, had me + on the knee-pan. The subsequent proceedings did not interest us + very much, but there is nothing like entering children early at + a manly pastime.</p> + + <p>Intellectual application will, to some extent, overcome + physical difficulties. By working at least five hours a day, + and by reading the <i>Cricket Field</i> daily and nightly, I + did learn to bowl a little, with a kind of twist. This, while + it lasted, in a bowlerless country, was a delightful + accomplishment. You got into much better sporting society than + you deserved, and, in remote parts of the pastoral districts + you were looked up to as one whose name had been in <i>Bell's + Life</i>; we still had <i>Bell's Life</i> then. It was no very + difficult matter to bowl a rustic team for a score of runs or + so, and all went merry as a wedding bell. But, alas, when + Drumthwacket played Tullochgorum, there was a young Cambridge + man staying with the latter chieftain. I began, as I usually + did, by "yorking" Tullochgorum's Piper and his chief Butler, + and his head Stalker, and then SMITH of King's came in. The + ground, as usual, had four sides. He hit me over the enclosure + at each of the four sides, for I changed my end after being + knocked for five fours in his first over. After that, my + prestige was gone. The rustics, instead of crawling about their + wickets, took to walking in and smacking me. This would not + have mattered, if any of the Drumthwacket team could have held + a catch, and if the wicket-keeper had not let SMITH off four + times in one over. My character was lost, and all was ended + with me north of the Grampians, where the wickets are + peculiarly suitable to my style of delivery.</p> + + <p>As to batting, there is little that is pleasant to confess. + As soon as I got a distant view of a ball, I was ever tempted + to whack wildly in its direction. There was no use in waiting + for it, the more I looked at it the less I liked it. So I + whacked, and, if you always do this, a ball will sometimes land + on the driving part of the bat, and then it usually happened + that my companion, striving for a five or a six, ran me out. If + he did not, I did not stay long. The wicket-keeper was a person + whose existence I always treated as <i>une quantité + négligeable</i>, and sometimes the ball would bound off his + pads into the stumps. The fielders would occasionally hold a + catch, anything <i>may</i> happen. On the other hand there was + this to be said for my style of batting, that the most + experienced Cricketer could not tell where or in what direction + I would hit any given ball. If it was on the off, that was no + reason why I should not bang it to square-leg, a stroke which + has become fashionable since my time, but in those old days, + you did not often see it in first-class Cricket. It was rather + regarded as "an agrarian outrage." Foreigners and ladies would + find Cricket a more buoyant diversion if all the world, and + especially LEWIS HALL and SHREWSBURY, played on my principles. + Innings would not last so long. Not so many matches would be + drawn. The fielders would not catch cold.</p> + + <p>To speak of fielding is to revive unspeakable sorrows. For a + short-sighted man, whose fingers are thumbs, no post in the + field is exactly grateful. I have been at long-leg, and, + watching the game intently, have perceived the batters running, + and have heard cries of "well fielded!" These cries were + ironical. The ball had been hit past me, but I was not + fortunate enough to observe the circumstance. A fielder of this + <i>calibre</i> always ends by finding his way to short-leg. A + prudent man can do a good deal here by watching the umpire, + dodging when he dodges, and getting behind him on occasion. But + I was not prudent. I observed that a certain player hit very + much behind the leg, so there, "in the mad pride of + intellectuality," I privily stationed myself. He <i>did</i> it + very fine, very fine indeed, into my eye. The same misfortune + has attended me at short-slip; it should have been a wicket, it + was a black eye, or the loss of a tooth or two, as might + happen. In fact, I sometimes wonder myself at the contemptuous + frankness of my own remarks on the fielding at Lord's. For if a + catch could be missed (and most catches can), I was the man to + miss it. Swift ones used to hit me and hurt me, long ones I + always misjudged, little simple poppy ones spun out of my + fingers. Now the unlucky thing about Cricket, for a Duffer, is + that your misfortunes do not hurt yourself alone. It is not as + in a single at Golf, it is not as in fishing, or riding, or + wherever you have no partner. To drop catches is to madden the + bowler not unnaturally, and to lengthen the period of + leather-hunting. Cricket is a social game, and its proficients + soon give the cold shoulder to the Duffer. He has his place, + however, in the nature of things. It is he who keeps up the + enthusiasm, who remembers every run that anybody I made in any + given match. In fact, at Cricket, the Duffer's mission is to be + a "judge of the game;" I don't mean an Umpire, very far from + that. If you once let the Duffer umpire he could ruin the + stoutest side, and secure victory to the feeblest. I may say + that, at least in this capacity, I have proved really useful to + my party in country matches. But, in the long run, my capacity + even for umpiring came to be doubted, and now I am only a + critic of Cricket. There is none more relentless, not one with + a higher standard, at least where no personal feelings are + concerned. For I have remarked that, if a Cambridge man writes + about an Oxford victory (which he seldom has to do), or if an + Oxford man writes on a Cambridge victory (a frequent + affliction), he always leaves you with the impression that, in + spite of figures, his side had at least a moral triumph. These + admirable writers have all been Duffers.</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page98" + id="page98"></a>[pg 98]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/98.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/98.png" + alt="TIMES CHANGE." /></a> + + <h3>TIMES CHANGE.</h3> + + <p><i>Shade of William the Conqueror.</i> "WHAT! THE PEOPLE + OBJECT TO ENCLOSING A FEW ACRES OF THIS OPEN SPACE FOR + STATE PURPOSES—FOR THEIR OWN BENEFIT? BY THE + SPLENDOUR OF HEAVEN! I SHOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE HEARD THE + VARLETS OBJECT TO MY MAKING MILES OF IT SUCH—FOR + <i>MINE</i>!"</p> + + <p><i>Secretary for War.</i> "AH, YOUR MAJESTY HAD IN + <i>YOUR</i> TIMES NO <i>TIMES</i> TO RECKON WITH!"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page99" + id="page99"></a>[pg 99]</span> + + <h2>TIMES CHANGE.</h2> + + <blockquote class="note"> + <p>["The 'Ranges Act' constitutes ... a standing menace to + rights of common wherever commons and open spaces + exist."—<i>The Times</i>.]</p> + </blockquote> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"The old order changes, yielding place to new."</p> + + <p class="i2">By Phoebus, you are right, mellifluous + TENNYSON!</p> + + <p>Could Norman WILLIAM this conjuncture view,</p> + + <p class="i2">He'd greet our Progress with—well, + scarce a benison;</p> + + <p>He, though ranked high 'midst monarchs and + commanders,</p> + + <p>Had the same weakness as our troops in Flanders.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>ROBERT the Devil's ruthless son would clear</p> + + <p class="i2">A county to make coverts, deer-runs, + chaces.</p> + + <p>What had he thought of modern notions queer</p> + + <p class="i2">Concerning Common Rights and Open + Spaces?</p> + + <p>"The People—who are varlets!—still + oppose them,</p> + + <p>Whether the Powers that be make or enclose + them!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>"The People <i>versus</i> Powers that Be!" Ah, + yes!</p> + + <p class="i2">Imperious Norman, that's a modern + trial</p> + + <p>That's always being argued more or less;</p> + + <p class="i2">The Press keeps now such vigilant + espial</p> + + <p>On every grasping would-be public plunderer.</p> + + <p>You, Sire, had not to reckon with "The + Thunderer!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Times change, stark soldier, and we have the + <i>Times</i></p> + + <p class="i2">Premier to check and snub Chief + Secretaries.</p> + + <p>Counting land-grabbing high among earth's crimes</p> + + <p class="i2">Would have amazed you! Public judgment + varies.</p> + + <p>You and your wolf-hound, WILLIAM, would not now</p> + + <p>Try a "clean sweep,"—without a general + row.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Ask OTTO! He is somewhat in your style,</p> + + <p class="i2">But he could tell you what new risks + environ</p> + + <p>The ancient art of Ruling. You may smile</p> + + <p class="i2">At Print and Paper <i>versus</i> Blood + and Iron,</p> + + <p>But Sovereign and Crown, though loved by many,</p> + + <p>Stand now no chance against the Popular Penny.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Ask Malwood's Squire again! He knows right well</p> + + <p class="i2">The New Democracy,—and the New + Forest;</p> + + <p><i>Our</i> great Plantagenet, a true blue + "Swell,"</p> + + <p class="i2">Fights for the People when their need is + sorest.</p> + + <p>In Norman BILLY he'd own small belief;</p> + + <p>The People's WILLIAM is <i>his</i> favourite + chief.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Your ghostly presence in these verdant glades</p> + + <p class="i2">Might startle STANHOPE, musing on his + Ranges,</p> + + <p>But not the angriest of Royal Shades</p> + + <p class="i2">May now arrest the progress of Time's + changes.</p> + + <p>True, much is yielded yet to Swelldom's "Sport,"</p> + + <p>But some aver that even <i>its</i> time is + short.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>No, Clearances and Rights of Common, now</p> + + <p class="i2">Own not the sway of autocrats + capricious.</p> + + <p>Small use, great Shade, to knit that haughty + brow,</p> + + <p class="i2">And swear <i>your</i> action would be + expeditious.</p> + + <p>The days of Curfew and of Forest Law</p> + + <p>Are passed. <i>We</i>'re swayed by Justice—and + Free Jaw!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>"FOR VALUE RECEIVED."—Aldgate Ward changed Alderman + LUSK for one POUND.</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:67%;"> + <a href="images/99.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/99.png" + alt="WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH, BEFORE HE TURNS LIKE A CRUSHED WORM." /> + </a> + + <h3>WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH, BEFORE HE TURNS + LIKE A CRUSHED WORM.</h3> + + <p><i>Our Art Critic</i> (<i>patronisingly</i>). + "HA—HUM! WELL, YOUR COLOUR IS FAIRLY DECENT, AND YOU + HAVE NICISH FEELING FOR LIGHT AND SHADE, AND + <i>CHIAROSCURO</i>. BUT WHERE YOB ALWAYS FAIL TO PLEASE, + SOMEHOW, IS IN YOUR <i>EXECUTION</i>!"</p> + + <p><i>Our Artist</i>. "MY <i>EXECUTION</i>? AH! JUST SO. + I'VE NO DOUBT THAT <i>YOURS</i>, NOW WOULD BE MORE + GENERALLY POPULAR!"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h3>From Parliamentary Examination Paper.</h3> + + <p><i>Question</i>.—Explain the term "Standing + Orders."</p> + + <p><i>Answer</i> 1.—It means that when a visitor to the + House has an order for the Speaker's Gallery, and can't find a + seat, he then becomes one of the Standing Orders.—SISTE + VIATOR.</p> + + <p><i>Answer</i> 2.—When a friendly M.P. sees three of us + waiting for him, takes us to the bar of the House, and orders + drinks all round, which we take standing.—BIBENDUM + EST.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>INDIA FOR THE IRISH!—"An amended estimate of the + present Paddy Crop has been published by the Local Government." + (<i>Vide Times</i> for Feb. 15.) What more can the most + thorough Home-Rulers want, if they would only be content to + make their home in Burmah instead of Ireland? "Local + Government" can soon be developed, for 'tis but Home Rule in + the bud, and the "Paddy Crop" is already there.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>MOTTO FOR THE NEW RECORDER OF THE CITY OF + LONDON.—"HALL There!"</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page100" + id="page100"></a>[pg 100]</span> + + <h2>"COMBINING AMUSEMENT WITH INSTRUCTION."</h2> + + <h4>(<i>A Sketch at the Collection of Instruments of + Torture.</i>)</h4> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>The Maddox Street Galleries. A large and + appropriately lighted room. Upon walls of a sombre crimson, + various Implements of Torture are arranged with + considerable taste, and an eye for decorative effect, the + central space being reserved for more elaborate + contrivances in wood and iron. Visitors discovered + inspecting the Exhibition by the aid of the excellent + Catalogues, with the subdued appreciation of persons + conscious that they are spending a very pleasant and + profitable afternoon.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Mr. Charnelhouse Goole</i> (<i>as he enters, to</i> Mrs. + C.G.). Now, my dear, the first thing I want to see is that Iron + Maiden there's so much talk about. I wonder whereabouts it + is!</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. C.G.</i> I think <i>that</i> must be it, up at the + other end of the room. But don't you <i>think</i>, dear, it + would be nicer to see the <i>other</i> things first, and keep + that for the <i>last</i>?</p> + + <p><i>Mr. C.G.</i> (<i>struck by the refinement of this + suggestion</i>). Well, upon, my word, AMINA, I almost think it + would!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Frederic Frivell</i> (<i>to his wife, whom he takes a + marital pleasure in shocking</i>). What fun those old fellows + must have had in those days, mustn't they?</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. Frivell</i> (<i>a serious lady</i>). I don't think + fun is at <i>all</i> the right word, FREDERIC. I do <i>wish</i> + you wouldn't take these things so lightly. I'm sure it's + melancholy enough to look at all these horrid machines, and + think—</p> + + <p><i>Mr. F.</i> That Torture is a lost art? Isn't that what + you were going to say? But it's <i>not</i>, you know; we've + refined it—that's all. Look at the Photographer, and the + Interviewer, and the Pathetic Reciter, and the—</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Mrs. F. endeavours to convince him that she didn't + mean that at all, and that he is comparing totally + different things.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>An Aphoristic Uncle</i> (<i>to an irreverent Nephew</i>). + No. 89. "A Long-spiked Wooden Roller, known as a 'Spiked + Hare.'" You see, TOM, my boy, the victim + was—(<i>Describes the process.</i>) "Some of the old + writers describe this torture as being most fearful," so the + Catalogue tells us.</p> + + <p><i>Tom-my-boy</i> (<i>after inspecting the spikes</i>). + Well, do you know, Uncle, I shouldn't be at all surprised if + the old Johnnies weren't so far out.</p> + + <p><i>The Aph. Uncle.</i> Another illustration, my boy, of + "Man's inhumanity to Man"!</p> + + <p><i>Tom-my-boy.</i> Not bad for you, Uncle—only you + cribbed it out of the Catalogue, you know! [<i>The A.U. gives + him up.</i></p> + + <blockquote> + <p><i>An</i> Indulgent Parent <i>enters, leading a small + boy in a tall hat, and is presently recognised by the</i> + A.U.</p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>The A.U.</i> So you've brought your son to see this + collection, hey? Well, it's of the greatest educational value + to a thoughtful youth—rich in moral and historical + instruction!</p> + + <p><i>The I.P.</i> Well, it was like this, you see. I had to + take him to the dentist's, and, finding we should have + half-an-hour or so to spare before he could attend to him, I + thought we'd just drop in here and amuse ourselves—eh, + BOBBY? Wonderfully ingenious, you know, in their way, some of + these things! Now, <i>here's</i> a thing—"A Spanish + mouth-pear, made of iron." You see, BOBBY, they forced it into + the mouth and touched a screw, and it sprang open, preventing + the victim from screaming.</p> + + <p><i>Bobby</i>. Y-yes, father. Should you think Mr. Fawcepps + will have one of those?</p> + + <p><i>The I.P.</i> (<i>annoyed</i>). Now, what <i>is</i> the + use of my taking you to a place of this sort to divert your + thoughts, if your mind is running on something else all the + time? I won't have it, do you hear. Enjoy yourself like a + sensible boy!</p> + + <p><i>Bobby</i>. Y-yes, Father, I am. It—it's quite cured + my toothache already—<i>really</i> it has!</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. Frivell</i> (<i>reading from Catalogue</i>). "A + Penitent's Girdle, made of barbed wire, which, when worn next + to the flesh, caused the most unpleasant and uncomfortable + irritation." Oh, FREDERIC, just fancy that!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. F.</i> My dear CECILIA, I can <i>quite</i> fancy + it!</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. F.</i> But I thought these tortures were only for + <i>Malefactors</i>. Why do they call it a <i>Penitent's</i> + Girdle?</p> + + <p><i>Mr. F.</i> Can't say,—unless because he generally + repented having put it on.</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. F.</i> I don't think that <i>can</i> be the real + reason.</p> + + <p><i>Two English House-maids</i> (<i>to a small German + Page-Boy who is escorting them</i>). Here, JOHNNIE, what's + <i>this</i> mean? (<i>Reads from Catalogue the motto on an + Executioner's Sword.</i>) "Di Herrin' sturin dem Unheel ick + exequire ir End Urthile." Come, <i>you</i> ought to know!</p> + + <p><i>Johnnie</i> (<i>not unnaturally at a loss</i>). It + means—it means—somding I do not understandt.</p> + + <p><i>The Housemaids</i> (<i>disappointed in him</i>). Well, + you <i>are</i> a boy! I <i>did</i> think, bein' German + yourself, you'd be quite at <i>'ome</i> 'ere!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Ernest Stodgely</i> (<i>impressively, to</i> Miss + FEATHERHEAD, <i>his fiancée</i>). Just look at this, FLOSSIE. + (<i>Reading.</i>) "Executioner's Cloak, very long, of red + woollen material; presumably red so as not to show blood-spots + or stains." Hideously suggestive that, is it not?</p> + + <p><i>Miss Flossie.</i> I shouldn't call it exactly + <i>hideous</i>, ERNEST. Do you know, I was just thinking that, + with a high Astrachan collar, you know, and old silver + fastenings, it would make rather a nice winter cloak. So + deliciously warm! [ERNEST <i>avails himself of a lover's + privileges to lecture her severely.</i></p> + + <blockquote> + <p>IN FRONT OF THE IRON MAIDEN.</p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Mr. Ch. Goole.</i> So <i>this</i> is the Iron Maiden! + Well, I expected something rather more dreadful-looking. The + face has really quite a pleasant expression. + [<i>Disappointedly.</i></p> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:60%;"> + <a href="images/100.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/100.png" + alt="'Oh, but I think that makes it so much <i>more</i> horrible, don't you?'" /> + </a>"Oh, but I think that makes it so much <i>more</i> + horrible, don't you?" + </div> + + <p><i>Mrs. Ch. G.</i> (<i>with subtler appreciation</i>). Oh, + but I think that makes it so much <i>more</i> horrible, don't + <i>you</i>?</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Ch. G.</i> Well, I don't know—perhaps. But + there ought to be a wax figure inside it. They ought to have + wax figures on most of these things—make it much more + interesting!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Frivell</i> (<i>who is close by</i>). I quite agree + with you, Sir—indeed, I would go farther. I think there + should be competent persons engaged to provide practical + illustrations of all the more amusing tortures—say from + three to five every afternoon. Draw all London!</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. F.</i> (<i>horrified</i>). FRED, you <i>know</i> you + don't mean it! And besides, you would <i>never</i> get people + willing to be shut up inside that thing!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. F.</i> My dear, I'm perfectly serious, as I always + am. And as to not getting subjects, why—(<i>He beckons to + one of the</i> Boy-Messengers <i>in waiting, who advances</i>). + Look here, my lad, you seem a bright intelligent youth. Would + you mind just stepping inside and allowing us to close the + door? We won't detain you an + instant.</p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page101" + id="page101"></a>[pg 101]</span> + + <p><i>Mrs. F.</i> What a shame, FRED! Don't <i>think</i> of + such a thing, there's a good boy! Say no—and I'll give + you sixpence!</p> + + <p><i>The Boy</i> (<i>grinning</i>). Well, Lady, make it a + shillin', and I'll stay outside—to oblige you!</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. F.</i> (<i>giving him a shilling</i>). There's a + good sensible boy! FREDERIC, have you gone <i>quite</i> mad? + You know you wouldn't hurt a fly?</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>The</i> GOOLES <i>move away, feeling that they have + been trifled with.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Mr. F.</i> A fly? Not for the world!—but this is + only a boy. I want to know what they're here <i>for</i>. Now, + my lad, you're not engaged to be <i>idle</i>, you know. Just + think of the amount of innocent pleasure you would afford by + getting into this spiked cradle and letting me rock you. You + won't? Well, will you sit on the Spanish Donkey? come! I'll + give you a leg up and fasten the weights on your legs for you. + You aren't afraid of a donkey?</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Bystanders collect in hope of amusement.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>The Boy</i> (<i>sulkily</i>). Not of <i>some</i> Donkeys, + Sir, as ain't quite so sharp as that one, whatever they think + theirselves!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Titters</i>. Mr. F.F. <i>feels that he has got + rather the worst of it, and collapses, with the dismal + completeness of a Funny Man</i>; Mrs. F. <i>remains behind + to bribe the boy with another shilling to promise her + solemnly never on any account to play with any of the + tortures.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Mrs. F.</i> (<i>rejoining her husband</i>). FREDERIC, how + <i>can</i> you? You make me feel perfectly <i>faint</i> when + you act like this!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. F.</i> (<i>recovering</i>). Faint, CECILIA? Well, I + daresay they won't mind if you sit down in one of these spiked + chairs for a minute or two.</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. F.</i> (<i>angrily</i>). I shall do no such thing, + FREDERIC! And you ought to be <i>ashamed</i> to suggest it!</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. Borrodale</i> (<i>choosing photographs of + Nuremberg</i>). Look, JOHN, what a lovely large one of the + <i>Sebald's Kirche</i>! I really <i>must</i> have this. Oh, and + the <i>Insel Schutt</i>—and this of the <i>Schöne + Brunnen</i>—and the view from the <i>Burg</i>—that + makes the half-dozen. They will be joys for <i>ever</i>, JOHN! + And <i>only</i> three shillings each! Will you pay the boy for + them, JOHN, please—it's just eighteen shillings.</p> + + <p><i>John</i>. Can't, my dear. Only half-a-crown in my pocket. + Don't you remember, I lent you my last sov. not five minutes + ago?</p> + + <p><i>Mrs. B.</i> Oh, so you did. Well, on second thoughts, + perhaps this size is rather—I think I'll take five of the + sixpenny ones instead—they're every bit as good. You can + spare me that half-crown, JOHN!</p> + + <p><i>A Patriot</i> (<i>coming out</i>). Well, it's just the + same 'ere as everywhere else. All the things "made in Germany"! + Sickenin' <i>I</i> call it!</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/101-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/101-1.png" + alt="A MEETING OF THE 'BANDY' ASSOCIATION" /></a> + + <h3>A MEETING OF THE "BANDY" ASSOCIATION</h3>FOR THE + PROMOTION OF "HOCKEY ON THE ICE." + </div> + <hr /> + + <h3>RICE AND PRUNES.</h3> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:35%;"> + <a href="images/101-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/101-2.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Rice and prunes a household journal</p> + + <p class="i2">Called the chief of household boons:</p> + + <p>Hence my mother cooks diurnal</p> + + <p class="i2">Rice and prunes.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Therefore on successive noons,</p> + + <p class="i2">Sombre fruit and snowy kernel</p> + + <p>Woo reluctant forks and spoons.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>As the ear, when leaves are vernal,</p> + + <p class="i2">Wearies of the blackbird's tunes,</p> + + <p>So we weary of eternal</p> + + <p class="i2">Rice and prunes.</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>AN OLD FRIEND AT THE CRITERION.—Time flies, and + <i>Fourteen Days</i>, occupying only a couple of hours or so at + the Criterion, goes wonderfully. CHARLES WYNDHAM is the life + and soul of the piece, and the giddy GIDDENS is another life + and soul. Miss MARY MOORE, charming as ever, with a clearness + of "dictation," as Mrs. MALAPROP would say, that is in itself a + delight to the ear. Every word she speaks is distinct, and, + which is more to the purpose, every telling word tells. + <i>Fourteen Days</i> is a survival and revival of one of H.J. + BYRON's fittest. If it "catches on" once more, as it ought to + do, it might run fourteen weeks, and then,—"Next + please!"</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page102" + id="page102"></a>[pg 102]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/102.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/102.png" + alt="Q.E.D." /></a> + + <h3>Q.E.D.</h3> + + <p>"<i>MAY</i> I ASK YOU HOW YOU MANAGE TO KEEP YOUR LITTLE + PET SO SLEEK AND THIN?"</p> + + <p>"I DON'T KNOW. IT HAS ITS LUNCH AND DINNER WITH ME EVERY + DAY."</p> + + <p>"WELL, SO DOES MINE!"</p> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h2>ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.</h2> + + <h4>EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.</h4> + + <p><i>House of Commons, Monday, February 15.</i>—A lively + sitting, with an unexpected ending. Debate on Address resumed + by SEXTON in excellent speech, an effect largely contributed to + by comparative brevity. Only an hour long; remarkable + compression. Would have been better still had it been reduced + by the twenty minutes occupied in preliminary observations. At + twenty-five minutes past four he rose to move Amendment + condemnatory of Land Purchase Act of last year. Precisely at a + quarter to five came to his amendment, and began to recommend + it to House. But mustn't complain. An excellent beginning for + new Session that may further develop.</p> + + <p>"An oratorical eel," SAUNDERSON, later in sitting, likened + Member for West Belfast to; charming simile, with just that + mixture of graphicness and incongruity that only Irish wit + could flash upon. Not meant to be uncomplimentary, for + SAUNDERSON, like the rest, acknowledges capacity of SEXTON in + debate; his clear insight, his capacity for grasping a subject, + his aptness of illustration, his quickness of retort, and, + alack! the embarrassment of the wealth of language. If he could + only economise that, and guard against the fatal fluency that + besets him, converting what might be a sharp direct speech of + twenty minutes into a windy weariness of hour-and-a-half or two + hours, he would take high rank among Parliamentary + debaters.</p> + + <p>DIZZY once said the occasions when a man addressing House of + Commons need exceed twenty minutes, come to him only twice or + thrice in a lifetime. He did more than preach; he carried into + practice his own principle with success. Very rarely in later + years, even when Leader of House of Commons, did he exceed + twenty minutes, and all his most successful interpositions in + debate were on that plan. When, occasionally, he felt that + circumstances demanded a long and laboured address, his labour + was in vain.</p> + + <p>Capital speech, too, of quite another kind, from DUNBAR + BARTON. Most promising maiden speech delivered in present + Parliament; of good omen that best parts were not those + prepared in leisure of study, put the earlier passages evoked + by preceding debate, and necessarily impromptu. As for + SAUNDERSON, he was in his best form.</p> + + <p>"SAUNDERSON," said the SQUIRE OF MALWOOD, recognising a + kindred spirit, "always reminds me of those Lifeguardsmen you + see at the Military Festival, riding round Agricultural Hall + slashing off heads. The heads are dummies, and no harm is done; + but it's a pretty sight."</p> + + <p>The Colonel rides well, and is a skilful swordsman.</p> + + <p>Delight of audience crowding in after dinner completed by + TIM HEALY dashing in with intent to trip up Colonel. Domestic + difficulties in the Party have not smoothed down TIM's natural + truculence. With JOHN REDMOND sitting behind him and SAUNDERSON + in front, a porcupine in fretful mood is a ball of spun silk + compared with TIM.</p> + + <p>After this RADCLIFFE COOKE and collapse, with the prospect + of proceedings droning on till midnight, then adjournment, and + begin again to-morrow. Suddenly, on stroke of twelve, Closure + moved. House completely taken aback. Whilst it sat gasping + under shock SPEAKER declared Closure carried; bells rang + through all the corridors; Members trooped in to find Division + imminent. When figures declared, showing Government had been + surprised into narrow majority of 21, fresh wave of excitement + welled forth, amid which Address was, somehow, agreed to. + Members went off into snowstorm, cheering and laughing as if + there had never before been such larks.</p> + + <p><i>Business done</i>.—Address agreed to.</p> + + <p><i>Tuesday Night</i>.—GRANDOLPH turned up to-day; took + his familiar corner seat; tugged at his old moustache; caressed + his new beard, and listened to SEALE HAYNE recklessly attacking + the sacred institution of Justiciary of the Peace.</p> + + <p>"Nothing changed, TOBY, dear boy," he said; "not even the + Ministry. When I came back from Mashonaland I was told we were + on the eve of political earthquake. The House of Commons was to + be transformed into a cockpit; the Benches steepled in the gore + of an iniquitous Ministry. But, except for some vacant places + and some further advancement of privates in the little band I + once officered, it's all the same, only a little drearier. The + same throng in the Lobby, the same rows of Members sitting on + the Benches, the same Mace on the Table, the same stately + figure in the Chair, and the same Sergeants-at-Arms relieving + guard at the Cross Benches. There are not quite the same two + Irish Leaders, for BRER FOX has 'gone away.' BRER RABBIT I see + sitting over there with his kindly face and his friendly smile, + perhaps the only Irishman in the House who, if a coat were + trailed before him, would turn away from temptation. It's only + Irishmen, with their inexhaustible fund of humour, who would + have put JUSTIN MCCARTHY in his present place. Doesn't much + matter so long as TIM HEALY's around. I'll bet my gold mine at + Mashonaland against the Kennel, Barks, that TIM will make up + the average of fighting even when BRER RABBIT in the + scale."</p><span class="pagenum"><a name="page103" + id="page103"></a>[pg 103]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/103.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/103.png" + alt="A GIFT FROM THE GREEKS." /></a> + + <h3>A GIFT FROM THE GREEKS.</h3>RIGHT HON. ARTHUR. "IF I + CAN ONLY GET THIS THROUGH, IT OUGHT TO SETTLE 'EM!" + </div><span class="pagenum"><a name="page105" + id="page105"></a>[pg 105]</span> + + <p>There's one thing changed GRANDOLPH did not allude to; + perhaps unconscious of it. 'Tis his own appearance. In addition + to the beard, he has put on ruddy tint that speaks well for + Mashonaland as a health resort compared with Westminster. + Amongst the pale-faced legislators his visage shines like the + morning sun. "Quite a Colonial look about him," says ALGERNON + BORTHWICK, fretfully. "But, after a few dinners at the + Amphitryon and a few nights at the House and elsewhere, he'll + get over it."</p> + + <p>Members from all parts crowd round GRANDOLPH to shake the + horny hand of the intrepid explorer, the dauntless lion + <i>dompter</i>. A cold air whistles along the row of Ministers + as he sits behind.</p> + + <p>"What's he up to?" JOKIM hoarsely whispered, all his native + gaiety eclipsed.</p> + + <p>"Come down, I suppose," said Prince ARTHUR, smiling, "to + congratulate us on our great victory last night, whereby we + escaped defeat in Debate on Address by triumphant majority of + 21."</p> + + <p>"Quite a stormy petrel don't you think?" JOKIM said, + nervously rubbing his hands.</p> + + <p>"Not exactly," said Prince ARTHUR; "that usually comes + before the storm you know. If you must be personal and + ornithological, I should say GRANDOLPH's appearance on the + scene is more reminiscent of the vulture; a little hasty in his + appearance perhaps, but that is none the less significant."</p> + + <p><i>Business done.</i>—Practically none, and so home to + dinner at twenty minutes to eight.</p> + + <p><i>Thursday Night.</i>—Prince ARTHUR explained + provisions of long-looked-for Local Government scheme. A + remarkable, unexampled, scene. House crowded on every Bench, + with Duke of DEVONSHIRE looking down from Peers' Gallery, + thanking Heaven he is out of it. Prince ARTHUR's manner in + introducing the measure in keeping with the strange + surroundings. Might reasonably have been expected that he would + have been at pains to recommend the Bill to acceptance of + House. Not a bit of it. If people insisted upon regarding it as + the most important business of Session, Prince ARTHUR couldn't + help it. But he certainly would not foster the delusion. In its + potentiality of beneficent effect, the Bill nothing in + comparison with the Coercion Act or the Light Railways Act.</p> + + <p>"A poor thing," he said, in effect, and did not add, "but + mine own."</p> + + <p>If it was not his, certainly no one else would own it. Irish + Members received it with jeers. JOHN MORLEY denounced it as a + monstrous imposture. SQUIRE OF MALWOOD benignantly affected to + regard it as a little joke with which Ministers designed to + vary a dull Session. But a joke may be carried too far; better + drop this now, and go to business.</p> + + <p>Oddly enough, the storm of contumely had effect of inspiring + Prince ARTHUR with new affection for his unwelcomed offspring, + adding to the strength of his evidently new conviction that the + proposed expedient was sound, and, if accepted, would prove + efficacious.</p> + + <p>"And what do <i>you</i> think of the Tory scheme of Home + Rule," I asked JUSTIN MCCARTHY, when it was all over.</p> + + <p>"<i>Timeo Danaos, et dona ferentes</i>," he said, dropping + into his native Celtic speech. "But in this case there is no + room for apprehension. BALFOUR may leave this wooden horse + outside the gates for a month, and the Trojans wouldn't touch + it with a pair of tongs."</p> + + <p>Prince ARTHUR grew more confident as the clouds + gathered.</p> + + <p>"I see very well," he said, "if I'm to stable this horse in + the Home Rule Troy, I must drag it all the way myself. I shall + get no help from either section of the garrison. But it's got + to be done, and I'll buckle-to. Once through, it will settle + the more than ten years' siege."</p> + + <p><i>Business done.</i>—Prince ARTHUR left tugging away + at his wooden horse.</p> + + <p><i>Friday Night.</i>—House of Lords almost deserted. + HALSBURY punctual in his place, making most of opportunities on + Woolsack whilst they yet remain.</p> + + <p>"Here to-day and gone to-morrow, TOBY," he remarked, with + forced gaiety; "but, when I hand in the Seals of Office, I + shall at least have the serene assurance to cheer me in my + retirement that the whole of my family, including collateral + branches, have been provided for."</p> + + <p>Amongst the prevailing dolour, the MARKISS in high + spirits.</p> + + <p>"Things not looking well in the Commons or the country, I + admit," he says; "but all is not lost yet. I have still a card + to play, and I believe it will score the trick. We shall + presently have to go to the country, and fight a confident + Opposition. Successful Foreign Policy is played out. Free + Education has brought us no support; trifling with Home Rule in + Ireland will bring us enemies. Am convinced that the thing to + go to the country on is the fog. MIDDLETON's our man. Been + thinking over it for a week. See it now; shall take up question + of London fog; devise some means of battling with it; and then + let the worst come. A Government that has fought the fog will + at least carry London, and, London ours, we shall be able to + stem the tide of anarchy."</p> + + <p><i>Business done</i>.—The MARKISS takes a great + resolution.</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/105.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/105.png" + alt="'THE HUNTING OF THE HARCOURT.'" /></a> + + <h3>"THE HUNTING OF THE HARCOURT."</h3><i>(According to + Fancy Sketch by "Observer" in the "Times.") "O where and O + where is our Harcourt Laddie gone?"</i> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>PADDYWHACK AND DR. BIRCH.—Everyone knows what "the + Assisted Education (Ireland) Bill" is. Why should not an + Assisted Education (England) Bill be brought in to enable + public school-boys to secure, without payment of any additional + fee beyond that included for "swishing" in the Bill sent home + to the parents, the specimen of the legal instrument with which + their education may have been most helpfully assisted?</p> + <hr /> + + <p>"BECKY THE SECOND."—Those comparatively few who + answered our query as to where "the good <i>Becky</i>, the very + opposite of <i>Becky</i> in <i>Vanity Fair</i>, was to be found + in THACKERAY's works," and have referred us to <i>A Shabby + Genteel Story</i>, are right. The many who hit upon + <i>Rebecca</i> in the burlesque of <i>Ivanhoe</i> mistook the + question.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>A CORRESPONDENT, signing himself "IGNORAMUS," writes to + inquire "The address of a Society called 'The London French + Polishers.'" He says, "I want my French polished up a bit + before going to Paris."</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page106" + id="page106"></a>[pg 106]</span> + + <h2>"VIVE LA LIBERTÉ!"</h2> + + <p>The <i>Era</i> at one time used to enjoy a monopoly of + strangely, but purely professionally-worded advertisements; but + now the <i>Daily Telegraph</i> is creeping up and commencing to + occupy the <i>Era's</i> special domain. One day last week in + the <i>D.T.</i> the following notice appeared:—"Mr. + CHARLES SUGDEN at liberty.—Address, &c." "At + Liberty!" How will this sound to the uninitiated millions? + Taking for granted that the readers, whose name is Legion, know + perfectly well who and what Mr. CHARLES SUGDEN is, having a + lively recollection of this talented actor as among the best + representatives of bad characters (excepting perhaps that of + <i>William of Orange</i>, which was Mr. SUGDEN's <i>chef + d'oeuvre</i>, and about whose character there are strong + differences of opinion), will they not unnaturally be led to + inquire how, why, when and wherefore Mr. SUGDEN ever came to be + deprived of his liberty, and under what circumstances he has + been restored to it, or it to him? "At Liberty!" It has a grand + and glorious sound! This distinguished Thespian was never an + "hereditary bondsman," then why not always "at liberty"? But, + be this as it may, once more "the Rover is free!" SUGDEN is a + name honourable behind and before the foot-lights. In the + Courts of Law it is a Legal Light, and among Gas Companies the + Sugden Burner is, we believe, justly famous. Whatever the + announcement may or may not mean, all sons of Liberty will + rejoice that this eccentric comedian is once more free, and on + the stage he will be again most welcome.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>"Are you staying in town?" "No," answered Mrs. R.; "I'm + going <i>au contraire</i>." Which, she subsequently explained, + was French for going into the country.</p> + <hr /> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/106-1.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/106-1.png" + alt="FANCY PORTRAIT." /></a> + + <h3>FANCY PORTRAIT.</h3> + + <h4>GENERAL <i>BOOM</i>BASTES.</h4> + + <center> + <i>Solo and Chorus.</i> + </center>AIR—"<i>Piff! Paff! Pouf!" from "La Grande + Duchosse."</i> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p class="i6">"ET PUFF! PUFF! PUFF!</p> + + <p class="i6">ET TARA PARA POUM!</p> + + <p>JE SUIS, MOI, LE GÉNÉRAL BOOM! BOOM!"</p> + </div> + </div> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Repeats it ad lib.</i>]</p> + </blockquote> + </div> + <hr /> + + <h3>ON RELIGIOUS CYMBALISM.</h3> + + <p>The Salvationist Bands which perform in and out of + London—(would that they were restricted as the Moore and + Burgess Minstrels restrict themselves to one hall, never or + "hardly ever," performing out of London!)—everywhere and + anywhere without respecting illness, or the hours of public + worship in our Churches and Chapels, or the necessities of + repose, show thereby a distinct want of that consideration for + the feelings of their fellow-citizens which simple Christian + folk call Charity. These Booth performers—which + designation savours suggestively of Mountebanks—would do + well to play their peculiar music and sing their peculiar hymns + within the four walls of their own places of worship, employing + the intervals essential for gaining of wind and for rest of + muscle in meditating, perhaps breathlessly, on the inspired + Pauline teaching which will inform them that even the works of + an Apostle, if he have not charity, will be as "sounding brass + and tinkling cymbals," making indeed a great noise in the + world, but as one WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE has said, being mere + "sound and fury signifying nothing." "Liberty of Worship" by + all means, but not such Liberty for any one particular form of + worship which, interfering with the freedom of others, speedily + degenerates into fanatical licence, and so becomes a nuisance + as intolerant as it is intolerable.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>ANGLO-AMERICAN FRENCH.—A new word must be added to our + French dictionaries. In <i>Le Figaro</i> for Feb. 15, in an + article on HECTOR MALOT, occurs this expression, "<i>en ce + temps de puffisme littéraire</i>." In English we have had the + word and the thing too, since the time of SHERIDAN's + <i>Critic</i>, but is any student of French journalism familiar + with it in the Parisian newspapers?</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>THE FANCY BALL.</h2> + + <div class="figright" + style="width:15%;"> + <a href="images/106-2.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/106-2.png" + alt="" /></a> + </div> + + <div class="poem"> + <div class="stanza"> + <p>You came as GRETCHEN, hair of gold</p> + + <p class="i2">And face so exquisitely sweet,</p> + + <p>That I, like FAUST, had <i>certes</i> sold</p> + + <p class="i2">Myself, to win you, MARGUERITE.</p> + + <p>Each plait enmeshed my struggling heart,</p> + + <p class="i2">That wildly beat against my will;</p> + + <p>And though at last we had to part,</p> + + <p class="i2">In Dreamland I could see you still.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Another night, with tresses dark,</p> + + <p class="i2">And kirtle strewn with + <i>fleurs-de-lys</i>,</p> + + <p>You came a flashing JOAN OF ARC,</p> + + <p class="i2">Destructive of my bosom's peace.</p> + + <p>The sword was girt upon your hip,</p> + + <p class="i2">And thine the Maid's heroic glance;</p> + + <p>I seemed to hear upon your lip,</p> + + <p class="i2">The watchword of her life, "For + France!"</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>Anon I saw thee as the Queen</p> + + <p class="i2">Who held so many hearts in fee;</p> + + <p>But MARY STUART scarce had been,</p> + + <p class="i2">Methinks, so beautiful as thee.</p> + + <p>I fain had gone and splintered lance,</p> + + <p class="i2">As in the old days in our realm;</p> + + <p>To win a kind approving glance,</p> + + <p class="i2">And wear your glove upon my helm.</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>What, stately EDITH! Lives there yet</p> + + <p class="i2">The lady of that royal line,</p> + + <p>The peerless proud Plantagenet,</p> + + <p class="i2">Will KENNETH's great emprise be mine?</p> + + <p>We saw how high his hopes could soar;</p> + + <p class="i2">We know the guerdon that he won.</p> + + <p>Shall I find favour, as of yore</p> + + <p class="i2">Did DAVID, Earl of Huntingdon?</p> + </div> + + <div class="stanza"> + <p>'Tis certain, in whatever guise</p> + + <p class="i2">You come, as heroine of song</p> + + <p>Or story, to my faithful eyes</p> + + <p class="i2">You shine the fairest of the throng.</p> + + <p>However fanciful you be,</p> + + <p class="i2">Whatever fancy dress befalls;</p> + + <p>My fancy paints you fancy-free,</p> + + <p class="i2">To fancy me at Fancy Balls!</p> + </div> + </div> + <hr /> + + <p>THE REAL NINE POINTS OF THE LAW.—Costs.</p> + <hr /> + + <h3>THE UNOBSERVED OF ONE "OBSERVER."</h3> + + <p>From the account given by "OBSERVER" in the <i>Times</i>, it + might be inferred that "HARCOURT! HARCOURT!" was shouted all + over the House, in the lobbies, through the smoking-room, in + the library, through the cellars, in fact, everywhere within + the sacred precincts, on one memorable night, while at that + very moment the wily Sir WILLIAM, tucked comfortably up in his + little bed, was murmuring softly to himself, "HARCOURT! indeed! + '<i>Ha! not caught</i>,' more likely!" and so sweetly fell + asleep.</p> + <hr /> + + <p>MRS. R. read aloud from the latest Report of "B. and F. + Bible Society," "One cannot help thinking of the glorious field + of labour which lies open here before the Colporteur, and of + the pleasant way in which his labours are appreciated by all." + But the worthy lady pronounced colporteur as coalporter, and so + on hearing from a friend that "the Coalporters were on strike," + Mrs. R. could not help exclaiming, "Dear! how ungrateful of + them, when they were being 'so much appreciated by all!'"</p> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page107" + id="page107"></a>[pg 107]</span> + + <div class="figcenter" + style="width:100%;"> + <a href="images/107.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/107.png" + alt="THE WESTMINSTER WAX-WORK SHOW FOR THE SESSION 1892. ROOM 2." /> + </a> + + <h3>THE WESTMINSTER WAX-WORK SHOW FOR THE SESSION 1892. + ROOM 2.</h3> + </div> + <hr /> + <span class="pagenum"><a name="page108" + id="page108"></a>[pg 108]</span> + + <h2>OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.</h2> + + <p>In <i>Tess of the D'Urbevilles</i> (published by Messrs. + OSGOOD, MCILVAINE & CO.), Mr. THOMAS HARDY has given us a + striking work of fiction, bold in design, and elaborate in + finish. The characters, with one exception, are as true to life + as are his graphic descriptions of nature's own scenery; true + that is to the types of such rural life as he professes to + represent,—the life led in our Christian country by + thousands and thousands of genuine Pagans, superstitious + Boeotians, with whom the schoolmaster can do but little, and + the parson still less. As to the clergymen who appear in this + story, two of them are priggishly academic, a third is a + comfortable antiquarian, and the fourth unacquainted with even + the A.B.C. of his own pastoral theology.</p> + + <div class="figleft" + style="width:50%;"> + <a href="images/108.png"><img width="100%" + src="images/108.png" + alt="A BRIGHT PARTICULAR STAR IN THE MILKY WAY." /> + </a> + + <h4>A BRIGHT PARTICULAR STAR IN THE MILKY WAY.</h4>Showing + how an Angel without wings played on the harp to Milkmaid + Tess of the Tubbyveals, who was so proud of her calves. + </div> + + <p>Since THACKERAY's <i>Captain Costigan</i>, and TOM + ROBERTSON's dramatic variation of him as <i>Eccles</i> in + <i>Caste</i>, no more original type of the besotted, no-working + working-man, has been given us ("at least, as far as I am + aware," interpolates the Baron, with a possible reservation) + than <i>Tess's</i> father, <i>Durbeyfield</i>. His foolish + wife, <i>Joan</i>, kindly in a way, a fair housewife and + helpmate, yet deficient in moral sense, is another + admirably-drawn character.</p> + + <p>The only blot on this otherwise excellent work is the + absurdly melodramatic character of that "villain of the deepest + dye," <i>Alec D'Urbeville</i>, who would be thoroughly in his + element in an Adelphi Drama of the most approved type, ancient + or modern. He is just the sort of stage-scoundrel who from time + to time seeks to take some mean advantage of a heroine in + distress, on which occasions said heroine (of Adelphi Drama) + will request him to "unhand her," or to "stand aside and let + her pass;" whereupon the dastardly ruffian retaliates with a + diabolical sneer of fiendish malice, his eyes ablaze with + passion, as, making his melodramatic exit at the O.P. wing, he + growls, "Aha! a day will come!" or "She must and shall be + mine!" or, if not making his exit, but remaining in centre of + stage to assist in forming a picture, he exclaims, with + fiendish glee, "Now, pretty one, you are in my power!" and so + forth. 'Tis a great pity that such a + penny-plain-and-two-pence-coloured scoundrel should have been + allowed so strong a part among Mr. HARDY's excellent and + unconventional <i>dramatis personæ</i>. Even the very, very + strong ejaculations wherein this bold bad man indulges on the + slightest provocation belong to the most antiquated vocabulary + of theatrical ruffianism. However, there he is, and all the + perfumes of the Vale of Blackmoor will not suffice for + dispelling the strong odour of the footlights which pervades + every scene where this unconscionable scoundrel makes his + appearance. That he is ultimately disposed of by being stuck to + the heart with the carving-knife that had been brought in for + cold-beef slicing at breakfast, is some satisfaction. But far + be it from the Baron to give more than this hint in + anticipation of the tragic <i>dénoûment</i>. Some might accuse + Mr. THOMAS HARDY of foolhardiness in so boldly telling ugly + truths about the Pagan Phyllises and Corydons of our dear old + Christian England; but we, his readers, have the author's word + for the truth of what he has written, as "the fortunes of + <i>Tess of the D'Urbevilles, a Pure Woman</i>," are "faithfully + presented," by THOMAS HARDY, and so his honour is pledged to + the truth of this story which his powers of narration have made + so fascinating to a host of readers besides the one who is a + host in himself, namely,</p> + + <p class="author">THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.</p> + <hr /> + + <h2>JUSTICE FOR JUSTICE!</h2> + + <blockquote> + <p>SCENE—<i>A Court of Justice.</i> Prisoner, <i>a + young man of eighteen, in the dock, weeping bitterly. His + Uncle stands before him, and occasionally offers him + smelling salts. General commiseration amongst the + spectators, many of whom are ladies armed with + opera-glasses.</i> Police Constable <i>under + cross-examination.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Counsel for the Defence.</i> And so, Constable, you had + actually the heart to read the warrant to the Prisoner?</p> + + <p><i>Witness.</i> I did, Sir, in the execution of my duty.</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for the Def.</i> (<i>scornfully</i>). Duty! and to + this he said nothing?</p> + + <p><i>Wit.</i> (<i>in a low tone</i>). Nothing, + Sir—nothing!</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for the Def.</i> And I am not surprised! He might + well say nothing to such an announcement! HE, a Gentleman by + birth—education—everything—to be accused of + forgery! It is <i>too</i> cruel!</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Justice Punch</i> (<i>courteously but firmly</i>). I + do not wish to control the management of your case, Mr. + MCSLANGER, but the time for you to address the Jury has not yet + arrived.</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for Def.</i> (<i>submissive but sulky</i>). As your + Lordship pleases.</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>Resumes his seat.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Usher</i> (<i>calling</i>). Admiral CUTTERMAN!</p> + + <p><i>Admiral</i> (<i>in a low tone</i>). Here!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>He leaves the</i> Prisoner, <i>first handing him the + smelling salts, and enters the Witness Box.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Council for the Prosecution</i> (<i>after the</i> Witness + <i>has been sworn</i>). I think you are here on subpoena served + by the Treasury.</p> + + <p><i>Witness</i> (<i>with a glance of sadness at the + Dock</i>). Had I not been summoned to be present by those in + authority, not the entreaties of magicians would have brought + me here!</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for the Pros.</i> I take it you are an unwilling + Witness?</p> + + <p><i>Witness</i> (<i>with difficulty suppressing acute + emotion</i>). A most, a very most unwilling Witness!</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for the Def.</i> (<i>scornfully</i>). + Unwilling!</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for the Pros.</i> (<i>in a tone of + remonstrance</i>). I really must beg my learned friend to + refrain from disturbing the proceedings. These constant + interruptions are most annoying.</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for the Def.</i> (<i>with force and violence</i>). + I cannot sufficiently express my indignation—</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Justice Punch</i> (<i>sharply</i>). Then do not make + the attempt.</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for the Def.</i> (<i>surlily</i>). As your Lordship + pleases. [<i>Subsides.</i></p> + + <p><i>Coun. for the Pros.</i> But, in spite of being an + unwilling Witness, you undoubtedly saw the Prisoner forge your + name?</p> + + <p><i>Witness</i> (<i>with his handkerchief to his eyes</i>). + Alas! I did!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>A pause, during which everyone regains + equanimity.</i></p> + </blockquote> + + <p><i>Coun. for Def.</i> (<i>on renewal of proceedings</i>). + And so you are the Uncle of the Prisoner?</p> + + <p><i>Witness</i> (<i>sadly</i>). Yes, I am.</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for Def.</i> Still you are here, and are pushing + that poor lad to the prison-door! (<i>Prisoner snivels.</i>) + Yes, you are dealing him (one of your own flesh and blood) a + never-to-be-recalled injury!</p> + + <p><i>Witness</i> (<i>plucking up spirit</i>). Only my duty, + Sir. I obey only my duty!</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for Def.</i> Your duty! Why, man, how can it be + your duty?</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Justice Punch</i> (<i>seriously</i>). Again I must + interpose. (<i>To</i> Counsel.) Mr. MCSLANGER, I must once more + remind you that your business at present is to ask questions, + not to make speeches.</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for Def.</i> But, my Lord, the task is a difficult + one.</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Justice Punch.</i> If you find it beyond your powers, + no doubt some of your colleagues will come willingly to your + assistance.</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for Def.</i> No, my Lord, I do not mean what your + Lordship means. I am quite capable of performing the duties it + has been my pleasure and pride to accept.</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Justice Punch</i> (<i>wearily</i>). Pray let us get + on?</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for Def.</i> Do you not think it a grossly cruel + and revolting thing that a man should give evidence against his + near relative?</p> + + <p><i>Witness</i> (<i>greatly agitated</i>). My Lord, I appeal + to you, is it fair that I should be treated in this + fashion?</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Justice Punch</i> (<i>emphatically</i>). No, it is + not! You are here, Sir, in performance of a solemn + duty—to assist the ends of justice in the punishment, and + consequently prevention, of crime. It is not right that in the + witness-box you should be badgered and insulted as if you were + worthy of the dock! One can feel some sympathy with the + relatives of the prisoner, because he appears to have had + respectable surroundings. But if he is convicted of forgery, it + will be his own fault! I shall accept the verdict as a proof + that education and birth are not safeguards to prevent crime. + And as for you, Sir (<i>turning angrily to</i> Coun. for Def.), + let me tell you that you degrade your office when you make the + wig and the gown the shield of the brute and the bully. Let us + have no more of it!</p> + + <p><i>Coun. for Def.</i> (<i>subdued but depressed</i>). As + your Lordship pleases.</p> + + <p><i>Mr. Justice Punch.</i> It does so please me, and I think + that it will equally please all my learned brothers who sit in + Royal Courts to follow my example! It is time that the Witness, + as well as the accused, received proper protection. I hope my + words will be taken to heart in another place!</p> + + <blockquote> + <p>[<i>The Scene closes in on his Lordship's + suggestion.</i></p> + </blockquote> + <hr /> + + <p>NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, + whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any + description, will in no case be returned, not even when + accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or + Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.</p> + <hr class="full" /> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. +102, February 27, 1892, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + +***** This file should be named 14344-h.htm or 14344-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/4/3/4/14344/ + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the PG Online +Distributed Proofreading Team + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +https://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including including checks, online payments and credit card +donations. To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/100.png b/old/14344-h/images/100.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8574a42 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/100.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/101-1.png b/old/14344-h/images/101-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d49526a --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/101-1.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/101-2.png b/old/14344-h/images/101-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f1a349d --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/101-2.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/102.png b/old/14344-h/images/102.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6081c51 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/102.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/103.png b/old/14344-h/images/103.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a49f8a8 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/103.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/105.png b/old/14344-h/images/105.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..421693b --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/105.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/106-1.png b/old/14344-h/images/106-1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1760a9b --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/106-1.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/106-2.png b/old/14344-h/images/106-2.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3760ee6 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/106-2.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/107.png b/old/14344-h/images/107.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e81ddce --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/107.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/108.png b/old/14344-h/images/108.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5eca2fe --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/108.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/97.png b/old/14344-h/images/97.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3e27f2d --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/97.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/98.png b/old/14344-h/images/98.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d2feb87 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/98.png diff --git a/old/14344-h/images/99.png b/old/14344-h/images/99.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2ea7d5b --- /dev/null +++ b/old/14344-h/images/99.png |
