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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, Some Roundabout Papers, by William Makepeace
+Thackeray
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: Some Roundabout Papers
+
+
+Author: William Makepeace Thackeray
+
+
+
+Release Date: February 24, 2013 [eBook #1462]
+[This file was first posted on July 16, 1998]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SOME ROUNDABOUT PAPERS***
+
+
+Transcribed from the 1908 T. N. Foulis edition by Stephen Rice, email
+srice01@ibm.net and David Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org
+
+
+
+
+
+ SOME ROUND-
+ ABOUT PAPERS
+
+
+ BY
+ WILLIAM MAKEPEACE
+ THACKERAY
+
+ [Picture: Decorative graphic]
+
+ T. N. FOULIS
+ 13–15 FREDERICK STREET
+ EDINBURGH: & 23 BEDFORD
+ STREET, LONDON, W.C.
+
+ 1908
+
+
+
+
+ON SOME CARP AT SANS SOUCI
+
+
+WE have lately made the acquaintance of an old lady of ninety, who has
+passed the last twenty-five years of her old life in a great metropolitan
+establishment, the workhouse, namely, of the parish of Saint Lazarus.
+Stay—twenty-three or four years ago, she came out once, and thought to
+earn a little money by hop-picking; but being overworked, and having to
+lie out at night, she got a palsy which has incapacitated her from all
+further labour, and has caused her poor old limbs to shake ever since.
+
+An illustration of that dismal proverb which tells us how poverty makes
+us acquainted with strange bed-fellows, this poor old shaking body has to
+lay herself down every night in her workhouse bed by the side of some
+other old woman with whom she may or may not agree. She herself can’t be
+a very pleasant bed-fellow, poor thing! with her shaking old limbs and
+cold feet. She lies awake a deal of the night, to be sure, not thinking
+of happy old times, for hers never were happy; but sleepless with aches,
+and agues, and rheumatism of old age. “The gentleman gave me
+brandy-and-water,” she said, her old voice shaking with rapture at the
+thought. I never had a great love for Queen Charlotte, but I like her
+better now from what this old lady told me. The Queen, who loved snuff
+herself, has left a legacy of snuff to certain poorhouses; and, in her
+watchful nights, this old woman takes a pinch of Queen Charlotte’s snuff,
+“and it do comfort me, sir, that it do!” _Pulveris exigui munus_. Here
+is a forlorn aged creature, shaking with palsy, with no soul among the
+great struggling multitude of mankind to care for her, not quite trampled
+out of life, but past and forgotten in the rush, made a little happy, and
+soothed in her hours of unrest by this penny legacy. Let me think as I
+write. (The next month’s sermon, thank goodness! is safe to press.)
+This discourse will appear at the season when I have read that
+wassail-bowls make their appearance; at the season of pantomime, turkey
+and sausages, plum-puddings, jollifications for schoolboys; Christmas
+bills, and reminiscences more or less sad and sweet for elders. If we
+oldsters are not merry, we shall be having a semblance of merriment. We
+shall see the young folks laughing round the holly-bush. We shall pass
+the bottle round cosily as we sit by the fire. That old thing will have
+a sort of festival too. Beef, beer, and pudding will be served to her
+for that day also. Christmas falls on a Thursday. Friday is the
+workhouse day for coming out. Mary, remember that old Goody Twoshoes has
+her invitation for Friday, 26th December! Ninety is she, poor old soul?
+Ah! what a bonny face to catch under a mistletoe! “Yes, ninety, sir,”
+she says, “and my mother was a hundred, and my grandmother was a hundred
+and two.”
+
+Herself ninety, her mother a hundred, her grandmother a hundred and two?
+What a queer calculation!
+
+Ninety! Very good, granny: you were born, then, in 1772.
+
+Your mother, we will say, was twenty-seven when you were born, and was
+born therefore in 1745.
+
+Your grandmother was thirty-five when her daughter was born, and was born
+therefore in 1710.
+
+We will begin with the present granny first. My good old creature, you
+can’t of course remember, but that little gentleman for whom you mother
+was laundress in the Temple was the ingenious Mr Goldsmith, author of a
+“History of England,” the “Vicar of Wakefield,” and many diverting
+pieces. You were brought almost an infant to his chambers in Brick
+Court, and he gave you some sugar-candy, for the doctor was always good
+to children. That gentleman who well-nigh smothered you by sitting down
+on you as you lay in a chair asleep was the learned Mr S. Johnson, whose
+history of “Rasselas” you have never read, my pour soul; and whose
+tragedy of “Irene” I don’t believe any man in these kingdoms ever
+perused. That tipsy Scotch gentleman who used to come to the chambers
+sometimes, and at whom everybody laughed, wrote a more amusing book than
+any of the scholars, your Mr Burke and your Mr Johnson, and your Dr
+Goldsmith. Your father often took him home in a chair to his lodgings;
+and has done as much for Parson Sterne in Bond Street, the famous wit.
+Of course, my good creature, you remember the Gordon Riots, and crying No
+Popery before Mr Langdale’s house, the Popish distiller’s, and that bonny
+fire of my Lord Mansfield’s books in Bloomsbury Square? Bless us, what a
+heap of illuminations you have seen! For the glorious victory over the
+Americans at Breed’s Hill; for the peace in 1814, and the beautiful
+Chinese bridge in St James’s Park; for the coronation of his Majesty,
+whom you recollect as Prince of Wales, Goody, don’t you? Yes; and you
+went in a procession of laundresses to pay your respects to his good
+lady, the injured Queen of England, at Brandenburg House; and you
+remember your mother told you how she was taken to see the Scotch lords
+executed at the Tower. And as for your grandmother, she was born five
+months after the battle of Malplaquet, she was; where her poor father was
+killed, fighting like a bold Briton for the Queen. With the help of a
+“Wade’s Chronology,” I can make out ever so queer a history for you, my
+poor old body, and a pedigree as authentic as many in the peerage-books.
+
+Peerage-books and pedigrees? What does she know about them? Battles and
+victories, treasons, kings, and beheadings, literary gentlemen, and the
+like, what have they ever been to her? Granny, did you ever hear of
+General Wolfe? Your mother may have seen him embark, and your father may
+have carried a musket under him. Your grandmother may have cried huzza
+for Marlborough; but what is the Prince Duke to you, and did you ever so
+much as hear tell of his name? How many hundred or thousand of years had
+that toad lived who was in the coal at the defunct exhibition?—and yet he
+was not a bit better informed than toads seven or eight hundred years
+younger.
+
+“Don’t talk to me your nonsense about Exhibitions, and Prince Dukes, and
+toads in coals, or coals in toads, or what is it?” says granny. “I know
+there was a good Queen Charlotte, for she left me snuff; and it comforts
+me of a night when I lie awake.”
+
+To me there is something very touching in the notion of that little pinch
+of comfort doled out to granny, and gratefully inhaled by her in the
+darkness. Don’t you remember what traditions there used to be of chests
+of plate, bulses of diamonds, laces of inestimable value, sent out of the
+country privately by the old Queen, to enrich certain relatives in
+M-ckl-nb-rg Str-l-tz? Not all the treasure went. _Non omnis moritur_.
+A poor old palsied thing at midnight is made happy sometimes as she lifts
+her shaking old hand to her nose. Gliding noiselessly among the beds
+where lie the poor creatures huddled in their cheerless dormitory, I
+fancy an old ghost with a snuff-box that does not creak. “There, Goody,
+take of my rappee. You will not sneeze, and I shall not say ‘God bless
+you.’ But you will think kindly of old Queen Charlotte, won’t you? Ah!
+I had a many troubles, a many troubles. I was a prisoner almost so much
+as you are. I had to eat boiled mutton every day: _entre nous_, I
+abominated it. But I never complained. I swallowed it. I made the best
+of a hard life. We have all our burdens to bear. But hark! I hear the
+cock-crow, and snuff the morning air.” And with this the royal ghost
+vanishes up the chimney—if there be a chimney in that dismal harem, where
+poor old Twoshoes and her companions pass their nights—their dreary
+nights, their restless nights, their cold long nights, shared in what
+glum companionship, illumined by what a feeble taper!
+
+“Did I understand you, my good Twoshoes, to say that your mother was
+seven-and-twenty years old when you were born, and that she married your
+esteemed father when she herself was twenty-five? 1745, then, was the
+date of your dear mother’s birth. I daresay her father was absent in the
+Low Countries, with his Royal Highness the Duke of Cumberland, under whom
+he had the honour of carrying a halberd at the famous engagement of
+Fontenoy—or if not there, he may have been at Preston Pans, under General
+Sir John Cope, when the wild Highlanders broke through all the laws of
+discipline and the English lines; and, being on the spot, did he see the
+famous ghost which didn’t appear to Colonel Gardner of the Dragoons? My
+good creature, is it possible you don’t remember that Doctor Swift, Sir
+Robert Walpole (my Lord Orford, as you justly say), old Sarah
+Marlborough, and little Mr Pope, of Twitnam, died in the year of your
+birth? What a wretched memory you have! What? haven’t they a library,
+and the commonest books of reference at the old convent of Saint Lazarus,
+where you dwell?”
+
+“Convent of Saint Lazarus, Prince William, Dr Swift, Atossa, and Mr Pope,
+of Twitnam! What is the gentleman talking about?” says old goody, with a
+“Ho! ho!” and a laugh like a old parrot—you know they live to be as old
+as Methuselah, parrots do, and a parrot of a hundred is comparatively
+young (ho! ho! ho!). Yes, and likewise carps live to an immense old age.
+Some which Frederick the Great fed at Sans Souci are there now, with
+great humps of blue mould on their old backs; and they could tell all
+sorts of queer stories, if they chose to speak—but they are very silent,
+carps are—of their nature _peu communicatives_. Oh! what has been thy
+long life, old goody, but a dole of bread and water and a perch on a
+cage; a dreary swim round and round a Lethe of a pond? What are Rossbach
+or Jena to those mouldy ones, and do they know it is a grandchild of
+England who brings bread to feed them?
+
+No! Those Sans Souci carps may live to be a thousand years old and have
+nothing to tell but that one day is like another; and the history of
+friend Goody Twoshoes has not much more variety than theirs. Hard
+labour, hard fare, hard bed, numbing cold all night, and gnawing hunger
+most days. That is her lot. Is it lawful in my prayers to say, “Thank
+heaven, I am not as one of these”? If I were eighty, would I like to
+feel the hunger always gnawing, gnawing? to have to get up and make a bow
+when Mr Bumble the beadle entered the common room? to have to listen to
+Miss Prim, who came to give me her ideas of the next world? If I were
+eighty, I own I should not like to have to sleep with another gentleman
+of my own age, gouty, a bad sleeper, kicking in his old dreams, and
+snoring; to march down my vale of years at word of command, accommodating
+my tottering old steps to those of the other prisoners in my dingy,
+hopeless old gang; to hold out a trembling hand for a sickly pittance of
+gruel, and say, “Thank you, ma’am,” to Miss Prim, when she has done
+reading her sermon. John! when Goody Twoshoes comes next Friday, I
+desire she may not be disturbed by theological controversies. You have a
+fair voice, and I heard you and the maids singing a hymn very sweetly the
+other night, and was thankful that our humble household should be in such
+harmony. Poor old Twoshoes is so old and toothless and quaky, that she
+can’t sing a bit; but don’t be giving yourself airs over her, because she
+can’t sing and you can. Make her comfortable at our kitchen hearth. Set
+that old kettle to sing by our hob. Warm her old stomach with nut-brown
+ale and a toast laid in the fire. Be kind to the poor old school-girl of
+ninety, who has had leave to come out for a day of Christmas holiday.
+Shall there be many more Christmases for thee? Think of the ninety she
+has seen already; the four-score and ten cold, cheerless, nipping New
+Years!
+
+If you were in her place, would you like to have a remembrance of better
+early days, when you were young and happy, and loving, perhaps; or would
+you prefer to have no past on which your mind could rest? About the year
+1788, Goody, were your cheeks rosy, and your eyes bright, and did some
+young fellow in powder and a pigtail look in them? We may grow old, but
+to us some stories never are old. On a sudden they rise up, not dead,
+but living—not forgotten, but freshly remembered. The eyes gleam on us
+as they used to do. The dear voice thrills in our hearts. The rapture
+of the meeting, the terrible, terrible parting, again and again the
+tragedy is acted over. Yesterday, in the street, I saw a pair of eyes so
+like two which used to brighten at my coming once, that the whole past
+came back as I walked lonely, in the rush of the Strand, and I was young
+again in the midst of joys and sorrows, alike sweet and sad, alike sacred
+and fondly remembered.
+
+If I tell a tale out of school, will any harm come to my old school-girl?
+Once, a lady gave her a half-sovereign, which was a source of great pain
+and anxiety to Goody Twoshoes. She sewed it away in her old stays
+somewhere, thinking here at least was a safe investment—(vestis—a vest—an
+investment,—pardon me, thou poor old thing, but I cannot help the
+pleasantry). And what do you think? Another pensionnaire of the
+establishment cut the coin out of Goody’s stays—_an old woman who went
+upon two crutches_! Faugh, the old witch! What? Violence amongst these
+toothless, tottering, trembling, feeble ones? Robbery amongst the
+penniless? Dogs coming and snatching Lazarus’s crumbs out of his lap?
+Ah, how indignant Goody was as she told the story! To that pond at
+Potsdam where the carps live for hundreds of hundreds of years, with
+hunches of blue mould on their back, I daresay the little Prince and
+Princess of Preussen-Britannien come sometimes with crumbs and cakes to
+feed the mouldy ones. Those eyes may have goggled from beneath the weeds
+at Napoleon’s jack-boots: they have seen Frederick’s lean shanks
+reflected in their pool; and perhaps Monsieur de Voltaire has fed them,
+and now for a crumb of biscuit they will fight, push, hustle, rob,
+squabble, gobble, relapsing into their tranquillity when the ignoble
+struggle is over. Sans souci, indeed! It is mighty well writing “Sans
+souci” over the gate; but where is the gate through which Care has not
+slipped? She perches on the shoulders of the sentry in the sentry-box:
+she whispers the porter sleeping in his arm-chair: she glides up the
+staircase, and lies down between the king and queen in their bed-royal:
+this very night I daresay she will perch upon poor old Goody Twoshoes’
+meagre bolster, and whisper, “Will the gentleman and those ladies ask me
+again! No, no; they will forget poor old Twoshoes.” Goody! For shame of
+yourself! Do not be cynical. Do not mistrust your fellow-creatures.
+What? Has the Christmas morning dawned upon thee ninety times? For
+four-score and ten years has it been thy lot to totter on this earth,
+hungry and obscure? Peace and goodwill to thee, let us say at this
+Christmas season. Come, drink, eat, rest awhile at our hearth, thou poor
+old pilgrim! And of the bread which God’s bounty gives us, I pray,
+brother reader, we may not forget to set aside a part for those noble and
+silent poor, from whose innocent hands war has torn the means of labour.
+Enough! As I hope for beef at Christmas, I vow a note shall be sent to
+Saint Lazarus Union House, in which Mr Roundabout requests the honour of
+Mrs Twoshoes’ company on Friday, 26th December.
+
+
+
+
+DE JUVENTUTE
+
+
+WE who lived before railways, and survive out of the ancient world, are
+like Father Noah and his family out of the Ark. The children will gather
+round and say to us patriarchs, “Tell us, grandpapa, about the old
+world.” And we shall mumble our old stories; and we shall drop off one
+by one; and there will be fewer and fewer of us, and these very old and
+feeble. There will be but ten præ-railroadites left: then three—then
+two—then one—then 0! If the hippopotamus had the least sensibility (of
+which I cannot trace any signs either in his hide or his face), I think
+he would go down to the bottom of his tank, and never come up again.
+Does he not see that he belongs to bygone ages, and that his great
+hulking barrel of a body is out of place in these times? What has he in
+common with the brisk young life surrounding him? In the watches of the
+night, when the keepers are asleep, when the birds are on one leg, when
+even the little armadillo is quiet, and the monkeys have ceased their
+chatter, he—I mean the hippopotamus—and the elephant, and the long-necked
+giraffe, perhaps may lay their heads together and have a colloquy about
+the great silent antediluvian world which they remember, where mighty
+monsters floundered through the ooze, crocodiles basked on the banks, and
+dragons darted out of the caves and waters before men were made to slay
+them. We who lived before railways are antediluvians—we must pass away.
+We are growing scarcer every day; and old—old—very old relicts of the
+times when George was still fighting the Dragon.
+
+Not long since, a company of horseriders paid a visit to our
+watering-place. We went to see them, and I bethought me that young
+Walter Juvenis, who was in the place, might like also to witness the
+performance. A pantomime is not always amusing to persons who have
+attained a certain age; but a boy at a pantomime is always amused and
+amusing, and to see his pleasure is good for most hypochondriacs.
+
+We sent to Walter’s mother, requesting that he might join us, and the
+kind lady replied that the boy had already been at the morning
+performance of the equestrians, but was most eager to go in the evening
+likewise. And go he did; and laughed at all Mr Merryman’s remarks,
+though he remembered them with remarkable accuracy, and insisted upon
+waiting to the very end of the fun, and was only induced to retire just
+before its conclusion by representations that the ladies of the party
+would be incommoded if they were to wait and undergo the rush and trample
+of the crowd round about. When this fact was pointed out to him, he
+yielded at once, though with a heavy heart, his eyes looking longingly
+towards the ring as we retreated out of the booth. We were scarcely
+clear of the place, when we heard “God save the Queen,” played by the
+equestrian band, the signal that all was over. Our companion entertained
+us with scraps of the dialogue on our way home—precious crumbs of wit
+which he had brought away from that feast. He laughed over them again as
+he walked under the stars. He has them now, and takes them out of the
+pocket of his memory, and crunches a bit, and relishes it with a
+sentimental tenderness, too, for he is, no doubt, back at school by this
+time; the holidays are over; and Doctor Birch’s young friends have
+reassembled.
+
+Queer jokes, which caused a thousand simple mouths to grin! As the jaded
+Merryman uttered them to the old gentleman with the whip, some of the old
+folks in the audience, I daresay, indulged in reflections of their own.
+There was one joke—I utterly forget it—but it began with Merryman saying
+what he had for dinner. He had mutton for dinner, at one o’clock, after
+which “he had to _come to business_.” And then came the point. Walter
+Juvenis, Esq., Rev. Doctor Birch’s, Market Rodborough, if you read this,
+will you please send me a line, and let me know what was the joke Mr
+Merryman made about having his dinner? _You_ remember well enough. But
+do I want to know? Suppose a boy takes a favourite, long-cherished lump
+of cake out of his pocket, and offers you a bit? _Merci_! The fact is,
+I _don’t_ care much about knowing that joke of Mr Merryman’s.
+
+But whilst he was talking about his dinner, and his mutton, and his
+landlord, and his business, I felt a great interest about Mr M. in
+private life—about his wife, lodgings, earnings, and general history, and
+I daresay was forming a picture of those in my mind:—wife cooking the
+mutton; children waiting for it; Merryman in his plain clothes, and so
+forth; during which contemplation the joke was uttered and laughed at,
+and Mr M., resuming his professional duties, was tumbling over head and
+heels. Do not suppose I am going, _sicut est mos_, to indulge in
+moralities about buffoons, paint, motley, and mountebanking. Nay, Prime
+Ministers rehearse their jokes; Opposition leaders prepare and polish
+them: Tabernacle preachers must arrange them in their minds before they
+utter them. All I mean is, that I would like to know any one of these
+performers thoroughly, and out of his uniform: that preacher, and why in
+his travels this and that point struck him; wherein lies his power of
+pathos, humour, eloquence;—that Minister of State, and what moves him,
+and how his private heart is working;—I would only say that, at a certain
+time of life certain things cease to interest: but about _some_ things
+when we cease to care, what will be the use of life, sight, hearing?
+Poems are written, and we cease to admire. Lady Jones invites us, and we
+yawn; she ceases to invite us, and we are resigned. The last time I saw
+a ballet at the opera—oh! it is many years ago—I fell asleep in the
+stalls, wagging my head in insane dreams, and I hope affording amusement
+to the company, while the feet of five hundred nymphs were cutting
+flicflacs on the stage at a few paces distant. Ah, I remember a
+different state of things! _Credite posteri_. To see these
+nymphs—gracious powers, how beautiful they were! That leering, painted,
+shrivelled, thin-armed, thick-ankled old thing, cutting dreary capers,
+coming thumping down on her board out of time—_that_ an opera-dancer?
+Pooh! My dear Walter, the great difference between my time and yours,
+who will enter life some two or three years hence, is that, now, the
+dancing women and singing women are ludicrously old, out of time, and out
+of tune; the paint is so visible, and the dinge and wrinkles of their
+wretched old cotton stockings, that I am surprised how anybody can like
+to look at them. And as for laughing at me for falling asleep, I can’t
+understand a man of sense doing otherwise. In my time, _à la bonne
+heure_. In the reign of George IV., I give you my honour, all the
+dancers at the opera were as beautiful as Houris. Even in William IV.’s
+time, when I think of Duvernay prancing in as the Bayadère,—I say it was
+a vision of loveliness such as mortal eyes can’t see nowadays. How well
+I remember the tune to which she used to appear! Kaled used to say to
+the Sultan, “My lord, a troop of those dancing and singing gurls called
+Bayaderes approaches,” and, to the clash of cymbals, and the thumping of
+my heart, in she used to dance! There has never been anything like
+it—never. There never will be—I laugh to scorn old people who tell me
+about your Noblet, your Montessu, your Vistris, your Parisot—pshaw, the
+senile twaddlers! And the impudence of the young men, with their music
+and their dancers of to-day! I tell you the women are dreary old
+creatures. I tell you one air in an opera is just like another, and they
+send all rational creatures to sleep. Ah, Ronzi de Begnis, thou lovely
+one! Ah, Caradori, thou smiling angel! Ah, Malibran! Nay, I will come
+to modern times, and acknowledge that Lablache was a very good singer
+thirty years ago (though Porto was the boy for me): and they we had
+Ambrogetti, and Curioni, and Donzelli, a rising young singer.
+
+But what is most certain and lamentable is the decay of stage beauty
+since the days of George IV. Think of Sontag! I remember her in
+_Otello_ and the _Donna del Lago_ in ’28. I remember being behind the
+scenes at the opera (where numbers of us young fellows of fashion used to
+go), and seeing Sontag let her hair fall down over her shoulders previous
+to her murder by Donzelli. Young fellows have never seen beauty like
+_that_, heard such a voice, seen such hair, such eyes. Don’t tell _me_!
+A man who has been about town since the reign of George IV., ought he not
+to know better than you young lads who have seen nothing? The
+deterioration of women is lamentable; and the conceit of the young
+fellows more lamentable still, that they won’t see this fact, but persist
+in thinking their time as good as ours.
+
+Bless me! when I was a lad, the stage was covered with angels, who sang,
+acted, and danced. When I remember the Adelphi, and the actresses there:
+when I think of Miss Chester, and Miss Love, and Mrs Serle at Sadler’s
+Wells, and her forty glorious pupils—of the Opera and Noblet, and the
+exquisite young Taglioni, and Pauline Leroux, and a host more! One
+much-admired being of those days I confess I never cared for, and that
+was the chief _male_ dancer—a very important personage then, with a bare
+neck, bare arms, a tunic, and a hat and feathers, who used to divide the
+applause with the ladies, and who has now sunk down a trap-door for ever.
+And this frank admission ought to show that I am not your mere twaddling
+_laudator temporis acti_—your old fogey who can see no good except in his
+own time.
+
+They say that claret is better nowadays, and cookery much improved since
+the days of _my_ monarch—of George IV. _Pastry Cookery_ is certainly not
+so good. I have often eaten half-a-crown’s worth (including, I trust,
+ginger-beer) at our school pastrycook’s, and that is a proof that the
+pastry must have been very good, for could I do as much now? I passed by
+the pastrycook’s shop lately, having occasion to visit my old school. It
+looked a very dingy old baker’s; misfortunes may have come over him—those
+penny tarts certainly did not look so nice as I remember them: but he may
+have grown careless as he has grown old (I should judge him to be now
+about ninety-six years of age), and his hand may have lost its cunning.
+
+Not that we were not great epicures. I remember how we constantly
+grumbled at the quantity of the food in our master’s house—which on my
+conscience I believe was excellent and plentiful—and how we tried once or
+twice to eat him out of house and home. At the pastrycook’s we may have
+over-eaten ourselves (I have admitted half-a-crown’s worth for my own
+part, but I don’t like to mention the _real_ figure for fear of
+perverting the present generation of boys by my monstrous confession)—we
+may have eaten too much, I say. We did; but what then? The school
+apothecary was sent for: a couple of small globules at night, a trifling
+preparation of senna in the morning, and we had not to go to school, so
+that the draught was an actual pleasure.
+
+For our amusements, besides the games in vogue, which were pretty much in
+old times as they are now (except cricket _par exemple_—and I wish the
+present youth joy of their bowling, and suppose Armstrong and Whitworth
+will bowl at them with light field-pieces next), there were novels—ah! I
+trouble you to find such novels in the present day! O Scottish Chiefs,
+didn’t we weep over you! O Mysteries of Udolpho, didn’t I and Briggs
+Minor draw pictures out of you, as I have said? Efforts, feeble indeed,
+but still giving pleasure to us and our friends. “I say, old boy, draw
+us Vivaldi tortured in the Inquisition,” or, “Draw us Don Quixote and the
+windmills, you know,” amateurs would say, to boys who had a love of
+drawing. “Peregrine Pickle” we liked, our fathers admiring it, and
+telling us (the sly old boys) it was capital fun; but I think I was
+rather bewildered by it, though “Roderick Random” was and remains
+delightful. I don’t remember having Sterne in the school library, no
+doubt because the works of that divine were not considered decent for
+young people. Ah! not against thy genius, O father of Uncle Toby and
+Trim, would I say a word in disrespect. But I am thankful to live in
+times when men no longer have the temptation to write so as to call
+blushes on women’s cheeks, and would shame to whisper wicked allusions to
+honest boys. Then, above all, we had WALTER SCOTT, the kindly, the
+generous, the pure—the companion of what countless delightful hours; the
+purveyor of how much happiness; the friend whom we recall as the constant
+benefactor of our youth! How well I remember the type and the brownish
+paper of the old duodecimo “Tales of My Landlord!” I have never dared to
+read the “Pirate,” and the “Bride of Lammermoor,” or “Kenilworth,” from
+that day to this, because the finale is unhappy, and people die, and are
+murdered at the end. But “Ivanhoe,” and “Quentin Durward”! Oh! for a
+half-holiday, and a quiet corner, and one of those books again! Those
+books, and perhaps those eyes with which we read them; and, it may be,
+the brains behind the eyes! It may be the tart was good; but how fresh
+the appetite was! If the gods would give me the desire of my heart, I
+should be able to write a story which boys would relish for the next few
+dozen of centuries. The boy-critic loves the story: grown up, he loves
+the author who wrote the story. Hence the kindly tie is established
+between writer and reader, and lasts pretty nearly for life. I meet
+people now who don’t care of Walter Scott, or the “Arabian Nights”; I am
+sorry for them, unless they in their time have found _their_
+romancer—their charming Scheherazade. By the way, Walter, when you are
+writing, tell me who is the favourite novelist in the fourth form now?
+Have you got anything so good and kindly as dear Miss Edgeworth’s
+_Frank_? It used to belong to a fellow’s sisters generally; but though
+he pretended to despise it, and said, “Oh, stuff for girls!” he read it;
+and I think there were one or two passages which would try my eyes now,
+were I to meet with the little book.
+
+As for Thomas and Jeremiah (it is only my witty way of calling Tom and
+Jerry), I went to the British Museum the other day on purpose to get it;
+but somehow, if you will press the question so closely, on reperusal, Tom
+and Jerry is not so brilliant as I had supposed it to be. The pictures
+are just as fine as ever; and I shook hands with broad-backed Jerry
+Hawthorn and Corinthian Tom with delight, after many year’s absence. But
+the style of the writing, I own, was not pleasing to me; I even thought
+it a little vulgar—well! well! other writers have been considered
+vulgar—and as a description of the sports and amusements of London in the
+ancient times, more curious than amusing.
+
+But the pictures!—oh! the pictures are noble still! First, there is
+Jerry arriving from the country, in a green coat and leather gaiters, and
+being measured for a fashionable suit at Corinthian House, by Corinthian
+Tom’s tailor. Then away for the career of pleasure and fashion. The
+park! delicious excitement! The theatre! the saloon!! the green-room!!!
+Rapturous bliss—the opera itself! and then perhaps to Temple Bar, to
+_knock down a Charley_ there! There are Jerry and Tom, with their tights
+and little cocked hats, coming from the opera—very much as gentlemen in
+waiting on royalty are habited now. There they are at Almack’s itself,
+amidst a crowd of high-bred personages, with the Duke of Clarence himself
+looking at them dancing. Now, strange change, they are in Tom Cribb’s
+parlour, where they don’t seem to be a whit less at home than in
+fashion’s gilded halls; and now they are at Newgate, seeing the irons
+knocked off the malefactors’ legs previous to execution. What hardened
+ferocity in the countenance of the desperado in yellow breeches! What
+compunction in the face of the gentleman in black (who, I suppose, has
+been forging), and who clasps his hands, and listens to the chaplain!
+Now we haste away to merrier scenes: to Tattersall’s (ah gracious powers!
+what a funny fellow that actor was who performed Dicky Green in that
+scene in the play!); and now we are at a private party, at which
+Corinthian Tom is waltzing (and very gracefully too, as you must confess)
+with Corinthian Kate, whilst Bob Logic, the Oxonian, is playing on the
+piano!
+
+“After,” the text says, “_the Oxonian_ had played several pieces of
+lively music, he requested as a favour that Kate and his friend Tom would
+perform a waltz. Kate without any hesitation immediately stood up. Tom
+offered his hand to his fascinating partner, and the dance took place.
+The plate conveys a correct representation of the ‘gay scene’ at that
+precise moment. The anxiety of the _Oxonian_ to witness the attitudes of
+the elegant pair had nearly put a stop to their movements. On turning
+round from the pianoforte and presenting his comical _mug_, Kate could
+scarcely suppress a laugh.”
+
+And no wonder; just look at it now (as I have copied it to the best of my
+humble ability), and compare Master Logic’s countenance and attitude with
+the splendid elegance of Tom! Now every London man is weary and _blasé_.
+There is an enjoyment of life in these young bucks of 1823 which
+contrasts strangely with our feelings of 1860. Here, for instance, is a
+specimen of their talk and walk, “If,’ says LOGIC—‘if _enjoyment_ is your
+_motto_, you may make the most of an evening at Vauxhall, more than at
+any other place in the metropolis. It is all free and easy. Stay as
+long as you like, and depart when you think proper.’—‘Your description is
+so flattering,’ replied JERRY, ‘that I do not care how soon the time
+arrives for us to start.’ LOGIC proposed a ‘_bit of a stroll_’ in order
+to get rid of an hour or two, which was immediately accepted by Tom and
+Jerry. A _turn_ or two in Bond Street, a _stroll_ through Piccadilly, a
+_look in_ at TATTERSALL’s, a _ramble_ through Pall Mall, and a _strut_ on
+the Corinthian path, fully occupied the time of our heroes until the hour
+for dinner arrived, when a few glasses of TOM’s rich wines soon put them
+on the _qui vive_. VAUXHALL was then the object in view, and the TRIO
+started, bent upon enjoying the pleasures which this place so amply
+affords.”
+
+How nobly those inverted commas, those italics, those capitals, bring out
+the writer’s wit and relieve the eye! They are as good as jokes, though
+you mayn’t quite preceive the point. Mark the varieties of lounge in
+which the young men indulge—now a _stroll_, then a _look in_, then a
+_ramble_, and presently a _strut_. When George, Prince of Wales, was
+twenty, I have read in an old Magazine, “the Prince’s lounge” was a
+peculiar manner of walking which the young bucks imitated. At Windsor
+George III. had a _cat’s path_—a sly early walk which the good old king
+took in the grey morning before his household was astir. What was the
+Corinthian path here recorded? Does any antiquary know? And what were
+the rich wines which our friends took, and which enable them to enjoy
+Vauxhall? Vauxhall is gone, but the wines which could occasion such a
+delightful perversion of the intellect as to enable it to enjoy ample
+pleasures there, what were they?
+
+So the game of life proceeds, until Jerry Hawthorn, the rustic, is fairly
+knocked up by all this excitement and is forced to go home, and the last
+picture represents him getting into the coach at the “White Horse
+Cellar,” he being one of six inside; whilst his friends shake him by the
+hand; whilst the sailor mounts on the roof; whilst the Jews hang round
+with oranges, knives, and sealing-wax: whilst the guard is closing the
+door. Where are they now, those sealing-wax vendors? where are the
+guards? where are the jolly teams? where are the coaches? and where the
+youth that climbed inside and out of them; that heard the merry horn
+which sounds no more; that saw the sun rise over Stonehenge; that rubbed
+away the bitter tears at night after parting as the coach sped on the
+journey to school and London; that looked out with beating heart as the
+milestones flew by, for the welcome corner where began home and holidays.
+
+It is night now: and here is home. Gathered under the quiet roof elders
+and children lie alike at rest. In the midst of a great peace and calm,
+the stars look out from the heavens. The silence is peopled with the
+past; sorrowful remorses for sins and shortcomings—memories of passionate
+joys and griefs rise out of their graves, both now alike calm and sad.
+Eyes, as I shut mine, look at me, that have long ceased to shine. The
+town and the fair landscape sleep under the starlight, wreathed in the
+autumn mists. Twinkling among the houses a light keeps watch here and
+there, in what may be a sick chamber or two. The clock tolls sweetly in
+the silent air. Here is night and rest. An awful sense of thanks makes
+the heart swell, and the head bow, as I pass to my room through the
+sleeping house, and feel as though a hushed blessing were upon it.
+
+
+
+
+ROUND ABOUT THE CHRISTMAS TREE
+
+
+THE kindly Christmas tree, from which I trust every gentle reader has
+pulled out a bonbon or two, is yet all aflame whilst I am writing, and
+sparkles with the sweet fruits of its season. You young ladies, may you
+have plucked pretty giftlings from it; and out of the cracker sugar-plum
+which you have split with the captain or the sweet young curate may you
+have read one of those delicious conundrums which the confectioners
+introduce into the sweetmeats, and which apply to the cunning passion of
+love. Those riddles are to be read at _your_ age, when I daresay they
+are amusing. As for Dolly, Merry, and Bell, who are standing at the
+tree, they don’t care about the love-riddle part, but understand the
+sweet-almoned portion very well. They are four, five, six years old.
+Patience, little people! A dozen merry Christmases more, and you will be
+reading those wonderful love-conundrums, too. As for us elderly folks,
+we watch the babies at their sport, and the young people pulling at the
+branches: and instead of finding bonbons or sweeties in the packets which
+we pluck off the boughs, we find enclosed Mr Carnifex’s review of the
+quarter’s meat; Mr Sartor’s compliments, and little statement for self
+and the young gentlemen; and Madame de Sainte-Crinoline’s respects to the
+young ladies, who encloses her account, and will sent on Saturday,
+please; or we stretch our hand out to the educational branch of the
+Christmas tree, and there find a lively and amusing article from the Rev.
+Henry Holyshade, containing our dear Tommy’s exceedingly moderate account
+for the last term’s school expenses.
+
+The tree yet sparkles, I say. I am writing on the day before Twelfth
+Day, if you must know; but already ever so many of the fruits have been
+pulled, and the Christmas lights have gone out. Bobby Miseltow, who has
+been staying with us for a week (and who has been sleeping mysteriously
+in the bath-room), comes to say he is going away to spend the rest of the
+holidays with his grandmother—and I brush away the manly tear of regret
+as I part with the dear child. “Well, Bob, good-bye, since you _will_
+go. Compliments to grandmamma. Thank her for the turkey. Here’s —”
+(_A slight pecuniary transaction takes place at this juncture_, _and Bob
+nods and winks_, _and puts his hand in his waistcoat pocket_.) “You have
+had a pleasant week?”
+
+BOB.—“Haven’t I!” (_And exit_, _anxious to know the amount of the coin
+which has just changed hands_.)
+
+He is gone, and as the dear boy vanishes through the door (behind which I
+see him perfectly), I too cast up a little account of our past Christmas
+week. When Bob’s holidays are over, and the printer has sent me back
+this manuscript, I know Christmas will be an old story. All the fruit
+will be off the Christmas tree then; the crackers will have cracked off;
+the almonds will have been crunched; and the sweet-bitter riddles will
+have been read; the lights will have perished off the dark green boughs;
+the toys growing on them will have been distributed, fought for,
+cherished, neglected, broken. Ferdinand and Fidelia will each keep out
+of it (be still, my gushing heart!) the remembrance of a riddle read
+together, of a double almond munched together, and of the moiety of an
+exploded cracker. . . . The maids, I say, will have taken down all that
+holly stuff and nonsense about the clocks, lamps, and looking-glasses,
+the dear boys will be back at school, fondly thinking of the pantomime
+fairies whom they have seen; whose gaudy gossamer wings are battered by
+this time; and whose pink cotton (or silk is it?) lower extremities are
+all dingy and dusty. Yet but a few days, Bob, and flakes of paint will
+have cracked off the fairy flower-bowers, and the revolving temples of
+adamantine lustre will be as shabby as the city of Pekin. When you read
+this, will Clown still be going on lolling his tongue out of his mouth,
+and saying, “How are you to-morrow?” To-morrow, indeed! He must be
+almost ashamed of himself (if that cheek is still capable of the blush of
+shame) for asking the absurd question. To-morrow, indeed! To-morrow the
+diffugient snows will give place to spring; the snowdrops will lift their
+heads; Ladyday may be expected, and the pecuniary duties peculiar to that
+feast; in place of bonbons, trees will have an eruption of light green
+knobs; the whitebait season will bloom . . . as if one need go on
+describing these vernal phenomena, when Christmas is still here, though
+ending, and the subject of my discourse!
+
+We have all admired the illustrated papers, and noted how boisterously
+jolly they become at Christmas time. What wassail-bowls,
+robin-redbreasts, waits, snow landscapes, bursts of Christmas song! And
+then to think that these festivities are prepared months before—that
+these Christmas pieces are prophetic! How kind of artists and poets to
+devise the festivities beforehand, and serve them pat at the proper time!
+We ought to be grateful to them, as to the cook who gets up at midnight
+and sets the pudding a-boiling, which is to feast us at six o’clock. I
+often think with gratitude of the famous Mr Nelson Lee—the author of I
+don’t know how many hundred glorious pantomimes—walking by the summer
+wave at Margate, or Brighton perhaps, revolving in his mind the idea of
+some new gorgeous spectacle of faëry, which the winter shall see
+complete. He is like cook at midnight (_si parva licet_). He watches
+and thinks. He pounds the sparkling sugar of benevolence, the plums of
+fancy, the sweetmeats of fun, the figs of—well, the figs of fairy
+fiction, let us say, and pops the whole in the seething cauldron of
+imagination, and at due season serves up the PANTOMIME.
+
+Very few men in the course of nature can expect to see _all_ the
+pantomimes in one season, but I hope to the end of my life I shall never
+forego reading about them in that delicious sheet of _The Times_ which
+appears on the morning after Boxing-day. Perhaps reading is even better
+than seeing. The best way, I think, is to say you are ill, lie in bed,
+and have the paper for two hours, reading all the way down from Drury
+Lane to the Britannia at Hoxton. Bob and I went to two pantomimes. One
+was at the Theatre of Fancy, and the other at the Fairy Opera, and I
+don’t know which we liked the best.
+
+At the Fancy, we saw “Harlequin Hamlet, or Daddy’s Ghost and Nunky’s
+Pison,” which is all very well—but, gentlemen, if you don’t respect
+Shakspeare, to whom will you be civil? The palace and ramparts of
+Elsinore by moon and snowlight is one of Loutherbourg’s finest efforts.
+The banqueting hall of the palace is illuminated: the peaks and gables
+glitter with the snow: the sentinels march blowing their fingers with the
+cold—the freezing of the nose of one of them is very neatly and
+dexterously arranged: the snow storm rises: the winds howl awfully along
+the battlements: the waves come curling, leaping, foaming to shore.
+Hamlet’s umbrella is whirled away in the storm. He and his two friends
+stamp on each other’s toes to keep them warm. The storm-spirits rise in
+the air, and are whirled howling round the palace and the rocks. My
+eyes! what tiles and chimney-pots fly hurtling through the air! As the
+storm reaches its height (here the wind instruments come in with
+prodigious effect, and I compliment Mr Brumby and the violoncellos)—as
+the snow storm rises (queek, queek, queek, go the fiddles, and then
+thrumpty thrump comes a pizzicato movement in Bob Major, which sends a
+shiver into your very boot-soles), the thunder-clouds deepen (bong, bong,
+bong, from the violoncellos). The forked lightning quivers through the
+clouds in a zig-zag scream of violins—and look, look, look! as the
+frothing, roaring waves come rushing up the battlements, and over the
+reeling parapet, each hissing wave becomes a ghost, sends the
+gun-carriages rolling over the platform, and plunges into the water
+again.
+
+Hamlet’s mother comes on to the battlements to look for her son. The
+storm whips her umbrella out of her hands, and she retires screaming in
+pattens.
+
+The cabs on the stand in the great market-place at Elsinore are seen to
+drive off, and several people are drowned. The gas-lamps along the
+street are wrenched from their foundations, and shoot through the
+troubled air. Whist, rush, hish! how the rain roars and pours! The
+darkness becomes awful, always deepened by the power of the music—and
+see—in the midst of a rush, and whirl, and scream of spirits of air and
+wave—what is that ghastly figure moving hither? It becomes bigger,
+bigger, as it advances down the platform—more ghastly, more horrible,
+enormous! It is as tall as the whole stage. It seems to be advancing on
+the stalls and pit, and the whole house screams with terror, as the Ghost
+of THE LATE HAMLET comes in, and begins to speak. Several people faint,
+and the light-fingered gentry pick pockets furiously in the darkness.
+
+In the pitchy darkness, this awful figure throwing his eyes about, the
+gas in the boxes shuddering out of sight, and the wind-instruments
+bugling the most horrible wails, the boldest spectator must have felt
+frightened. But hark! what is that silver shimmer of the fiddles? Is
+it—can it be—the grey dawn peeping in the stormy east? The ghost’s eyes
+look blankly towards it, and roll a ghastly agony. Quicker, quicker ply
+the violins of Phoebus Apollo. Redder, redder grow the orient clouds.
+Cockadoodledoo! crows that great cock which has just come out on the roof
+of the palace. And now the round sun himself pops up from behind the
+waves of night. Where is the ghost? He is gone! Purple shadows of morn
+“slant o’er the snowy sward,” the city wakes up in life and sunshine, and
+we confess we are very much relieved at the disappearance of the ghost.
+We don’t like those dark scenes in pantomimes.
+
+After the usual business, that Ophelia should be turned into Columbine
+was to be expected; but I confess I was a little shocked when Hamlet’s
+mother became Pantaloon, and was instantly knocked down by Clown
+Claudius. Grimaldi is getting a little old now, but for real humour
+there are few clowns like him. Mr Shuter, as the gravedigger, was chaste
+and comic, as he always is, and the scene-painters surpassed themselves.
+
+“Harlequin Conqueror and the Field of Hastings,” at the other house, is
+very pleasant too. The irascible William is acted with great vigour by
+Snoxall, and the battle of Hastings is a good piece of burlesque. Some
+trifling liberties are taken with history, but what liberties will not
+the merry genius of pantomime permit himself? At the battle of Hastings,
+William is on the point of being defeated by the Sussex volunteers, very
+elegantly led by the always pretty Miss Waddy (as Haco Sharpshooter),
+when a shot from the Normans kills Harold. The Fairy Edith hereupon
+comes forward, and finds his body, which straightway leaps up a live
+harlequin, whilst the Conqueror makes an excellent clown, and the
+Archbishop of Bayeux a diverting pantaloon, &c. &c. &c.
+
+Perhaps these are not the pantomimes we really saw; but one description
+will do as well as another. The plots, you see, are a little intricate
+and difficult to understand in pantomimes; and I may have mixed up one
+with another. That I was at the theatre on Boxing-night is certain—but
+the pit was so full that I could only see fairy legs glittering in the
+distance, as I stood at the door. And if I was badly off, I think there
+was a young gentleman behind me worse off still. I own that he has good
+reason (though others have not) to speak ill of me behind my back, and
+hereby beg his pardon.
+
+Likewise to the gentleman who picked up a party in Piccadilly, who had
+slipped and fallen in the snow, and was there on his back, uttering
+energetic expressions: that party begs to offer thanks, and compliments
+of the season.
+
+Bob’s behaviour on New Year’s day, I can assure Dr Holyshade, was highly
+creditable to the boy. He had expressed a determination to partake of
+every dish which was put on the table; but after soup, fish, roast-beef,
+and roast-goose, he retired from active business until the pudding and
+mince-pies made their appearance, of which he partook liberally, but not
+too freely. And he greatly advanced in my good opinion by praising the
+punch, which was of my own manufacture, and which some gentlemen present
+(Mr O’M—g—n, amongst others) pronounced to be too weak. Too weak! A
+bottle of rum, a bottle of Madeira, half a bottle of brandy, and two
+bottles and a half of water—_can_ this mixture be said to be too weak for
+any mortal? Our young friend amused the company during the evening, by
+exhibiting a two-shilling magic-lantern, which he had purchased, and
+likewise by singing “Sally, come up!” a quaint, but rather monotonous
+melody, which I am told is sung by the poor negro on the banks of the
+broad Mississippi.
+
+What other enjoyments did we proffer for the child’s amusement during the
+Christmas week? A great philosopher was giving a lecture to young folks
+at the British Institution. But when this diversion was proposed to our
+young friend Bob, he said, “Lecture? No, thank you. Not as I knows on,”
+and made sarcastic signals on his nose. Perhaps he is of Dr Johnson’s
+opinion about lectures: “Lectures, sir! what man would go to hear that
+imperfectly at a lecture, which he can read at leisure in a book?” _I_
+never went, of my own choice, to a lecture; that I can vow. As for
+sermons, they are different; I delight in them, and they cannot, of
+course, be too long.
+
+Well, we partook of yet other Christmas delights besides pantomime,
+pudding, and pie. One glorious, one delightful, one most unlucky and
+pleasant day, we drove in a brougham, with a famous horse, which carried
+us more quickly and briskly than any of your vulgar railways, over
+Battersea Bridge, on which the horse’s hoofs rung as if it had been iron;
+through suburban villages, plum-caked with snow; under a leaden sky, in
+which the sun hung like a red-hot warming-pan; by pond after pond, where
+not only men and boys, but scores after scores of women and girls, were
+sliding, and roaring, and clapping their lean old sides with laughter, as
+they tumbled down, and their hobnailed shoes flew up in the air; the air
+frosty with a lilac haze, through which villas, and commons, and
+churches, and plantations glimmered. We drive up the hill, Bob and I; we
+make the last two miles in eleven minutes; we pass that poor, armless man
+who sits there in the cold, following you with his eyes. I don’t give
+anything, and Bob looks disappointed. We are set down neatly at the
+gate, and a horse-holder opens the brougham door. I don’t give anything;
+again disappointment on Bob’s part. I pay a shilling apiece, and we
+enter into the glorious building, which is decorated for Christmas, and
+straightway forgetfulness on Bob’s part of everything but that
+magnificent scene. The enormous edifice is all decorated for Bob and
+Christmas. The stalls, the columns, the fountains, courts, statues,
+splendours, are all crowned for Christmas. The delicious negro is
+singing his Alabama choruses for Christmas and Bob. He has scarcely
+done, when, Tootarootatoo! Mr Punch is performing his surprising
+actions, and hanging the beadle. The stalls are decorated. The
+refreshment-tables are piled with good things; at many fountains “MULLED
+CLARET” is written up in appetizing capitals. “Mulled Claret—oh, jolly!
+How cold it is!” says Bob; I pass on. “It’s only three o’clock,” says
+Bob. “No, only three,” I say meekly. “We dine at seven,” sighs Bob,
+“and it’s so-o-o coo-old.” I still would take no hints. No claret, no
+refreshment, no sandwiches, no sausage-rolls for Bob. At last I am
+obliged to tell him all. Just before we left home, a little Christmas
+bill popped in at the door and emptied my purse at the threshold. I
+forgot all about the transaction, and had to borrow half-a-crown from
+John Coachman to pay for our entrance into the palace of delight. _Now_
+you see, Bob, why I could not treat you on that second of January when we
+drove to the palace together; when the girls and boys were sliding on the
+ponds at Dulwich; when the darkling river was full of floating ice, and
+the sun was like a warming-pan in the leaden sky.
+
+One more Christmas sight we had, of course; and that sight I think I like
+as well as Bob himself at Christmas, and at all seasons. We went to a
+certain garden of delight, where, whatever your cares are, I think you
+can manage to forget some of them, and muse, and be not unhappy; to a
+garden beginning with a Z, which is as lively as Noah’s ark; where the
+fox has brought his brush, and the cock has brought his comb, and the
+elephant has brought his trunk, and the kangaroo has brought his bag, and
+the condor his old white wig and black satin hood. On this day it was so
+cold that the white bears winked their pink eyes, as they plapped up and
+down by their pool, and seemed to say, “Aha, this weather reminds us of
+dear home!” “Cold! bah! I have got such a warm coat,” says brother
+Bruin, “I don’t mind”; and he laughs on his pole, and clucks down a bun.
+The squealing hyænas gnashed their teeth and laughed at us quite
+refreshingly at their window; and, cold as it was, Tiger, Tiger, burning
+bright, glared at us red-hot through his bars, and snorted blasts of
+hell. The woolly camel leered at us quite kindly as he paced round his
+ring on his silent pads. We went to our favourite places. Our dear
+wambat came up, and had himself scratched very affably. Our
+fellow-creatures in the monkey room held out their little black hands,
+and piteously asked us for Christmas alms. Those darling alligators on
+their rock winked at us in the most friendly way. The solemn eagles sat
+alone, and scowled at us from their peaks; whilst little Tom Ratel
+tumbled over head and heels for us in his usual diverting manner. If I
+have cares in my mind, I come to the Zoo, and fancy they don’t pass the
+gate. I recognise my friends, my enemies, in countless cages. I
+entertained the eagle, the vulture, the old billy-goat, and the
+black-pated, crimson-necked, blear-eyed, baggy, hook-beaked old marabou
+stork yesterday at dinner; and when Bob’s aunt came to tea in the
+evening, and asked him what he had seen, he stepped up to her gravely,
+and said—
+
+ “First I saw the white bear, then I saw the black,
+ Then I saw the camel with a hump upon his back.
+
+ _Chorus of Children_.
+
+ Then I saw the camel with a HUMP upon his back!
+
+ Then I saw the grey wolf, with mutton in his maw;
+ Then I saw the wambat waddle in the straw;
+ Then I saw the elephant with his waving trunk,
+ Then I saw the monkeys—mercy, how unpleasantly they—smelt!”
+
+There. No one can beat that piece of wit, can he Bob? And so it is
+over; but we had a jolly time, whilst you were with us, hadn’t we?
+Present my respects to the doctor; and I hope, my boy, we may spend
+another merry Christmas next year.
+
+
+
+
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