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+Project Gutenberg's The Book of Three Hundred Anecdotes, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Book of Three Hundred Anecdotes
+       Historical, Literary, and Humorous--A New Selection
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: March 19, 2005 [EBook #15413]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THREE HUNDRED ANECDOTES ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Elaine Walker and the PG Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+
+
+THE BOOK OF THREE HUNDRED ANECDOTES.
+
+
+HISTORICAL, LITERARY, AND HUMOROUS.
+
+A NEW SELECTION.
+
+BURNS & OATES.
+LONDON: GRANVILLE MANSIONS.
+NEW YORK: BARCLAY STREET.
+
+
+
+
+INDEX.
+
+
+Abernethy, 26
+
+Abon Hannifah, 39
+
+ACTORS, 27-33
+
+Adam, Dr., and the Schoolboy, 106
+
+AFFECTION, 1-5
+
+Aguesseau, D', Chancellor of France, 115
+
+Alban's, Duchess of, and the Sailor, 28
+
+Algerine Captain, 119
+
+Alphonsus, King of Naples, 39
+
+American Heroines, 135
+
+Amour, St., General, 1
+
+Andre, St., Marquis de, 90
+
+ARTISTS, 5-9
+
+Astley Cooper, 26
+
+Atterbury, in the House of Peers, 113
+
+
+Bakers, The, of Lyons, 18
+
+Bailly, Miss--Escape of the Pretender, 94
+
+Bannister, 19
+
+Bautru and the Spanish Librarian, 77
+
+Bayard, The Chevalier, 80
+
+Beauvais, Ladies of, 118
+
+BEGGING, 10
+
+Belmont, Countess de, 45
+
+Benbow and the Wounded Sailor, 101
+
+BENEVOLENCE, 11-13
+
+Ben Jonson at Dinner, 21
+
+Bernard, Father, 88
+
+Bishop and Clerks, 104
+
+BOOKS, 13-16
+
+Boufflers, Marshal, 120
+
+Bouille, Marquis de, 121
+
+Boutteville, Count de, and the Soldier, 81
+
+Boutibonne, M., Imaginary Accident, 58
+
+Breton Peasants, 48
+
+Brougham, Lord--Examination of a Witness, 70
+
+Budaeus, 76
+
+Buffon and his Servant, 115
+
+Busby, Dr., and the Scholar, 106
+
+
+Cajeta, Siege of, 51
+
+Camden, Lord, in the Stocks, 73
+
+Camerons and Christians, 117
+
+Campo, Marquess del, and George III., 93
+
+Candle Light, War by, 120
+
+Canning and the Preacher, 125
+
+Carteret, Lady, and Dean Swift, 132
+
+Carving Accident, 90
+
+Catalogue Making, 15
+
+Chamillart the French Lawyer, 70
+
+Chantrey--First sculpture, 9
+
+CHARITY, 18
+
+Charles II. and Killigrew, 63
+
+Charles V. of France, 64
+
+Charles VI. of Austria, 122
+
+Charles XII. and his Secretary, 119
+
+Charlotte, Princess, 54
+
+Chatillon, Admiral, and the Beggar, 10
+
+Cherin, General, 109
+
+Child and Goat, 103
+
+China Ware, 129
+
+Christmas Pudding Extraordinary, 20
+
+Clerambault and La Fontaine, 126
+
+Cobbler of Leyden, The, 114
+
+Cochrane, Sir John, 46
+
+Cochrane, Lord, 56
+
+Coleridge's "Watchman", 107
+
+Coleridge and his Dinner Companion, 126
+
+Conjugal Affection--French Troops in Italy, 4
+
+Cornwallis, Admiral, and the Mutineers, 105
+
+Crimean Captain, 111
+
+Curran
+  and Dr. Boyse, 40
+  and the Jockey, 67
+  and the Farmer, 69
+  his Witty Replies, 70
+
+Cuvier and his Visitors, 116
+
+
+Day, Thomas, and Sir W. Jones, 72
+
+Deaf and Dumb Mother, 1
+
+Denon and Defoe, 16
+
+Dey of Algiers and Admiral Keppel, 104
+
+Dickens--Origin of "Boz", 15
+
+Dictionaries, 14
+
+Dieppe Pilot, 43
+
+DINNERS, 19-22
+
+DOCTORS, 22-27
+
+Domat, Judge, and the Poor Widow, 11
+
+Douglas, The, 47
+
+DRAMA, The, 27-33
+
+Dreaming, 129
+
+Drummond, Provost, 52
+
+Duke of Newcastle and Mr. Pitt--a Dispute in Bed, 86
+
+Duncan, Admiral, 121
+
+DUTY, 34
+
+Duval, the Librarian, 77
+
+
+Edinburgh--Spoiled Street, 130
+
+Erskine and Lord Kellie, 126
+
+Erskine, Legal Anecdotes of, 67-68
+
+Eveillan, Archdeacon of Angers, 57
+
+
+Faithful Depositary, 37
+
+Faithful Domestic, 36
+
+Falkland, Lord, and the House of Commons, 86
+
+Family Sacrifice--French Revolution, 4
+
+Fear of Death, 58
+
+Fenelon, Archbishop--his Humanity, 56
+
+FIDELITY, 35-37
+
+Fielding, Sir J., and the Irishman, 71
+
+Filial Affection--French Boy, 2
+
+Fletcher, of Saltown, and his Footman, 113
+
+Fontenelle, 37, 38
+
+Fools, 38
+
+Foote, the Actor, 33
+
+FORGIVENESS, 39
+
+Fouche and Napoleon, 91
+
+Francis I. and his Fool, 38
+
+Frederick the Great
+  and the Page, 61
+  and the Soldier, 62
+  and the Deserter, 62
+  his Arguments, 62
+
+French
+  Curate--Forgiveness, 39
+  Peasant Girl, 45
+  Officer in Flanders, 77
+  Officer in Spain, 77
+  Servant
+    at Noyon, 95
+    of La Vendee, 91
+
+FRIENDS, 40
+
+
+Gainsborough--Picture of the Pigs, 6
+
+Garrick and Rich, 33
+
+Garrick and Sir J. Reynolds, 115
+
+Gendarmes and Priest, 91
+
+George
+  I. and the Lieutenant, 121
+  II.
+    and the Dutch-Innkeeper, 64
+    and the Court Martial, 122
+  III.
+    --Punctuality, 64
+    Carbonel the Wine Merchant, 65
+    The Horse Dealer, 66
+    Memorial to a Servant, 66
+    Treatment of a Caricature, 66
+    and Lord Lothian, 102
+
+Ghosts, 42
+
+Gibbet, Sight of a, 117
+
+Gin _versus_ Drugs, 25
+
+Glynn, Dr., and the Magpie, 12
+
+Gonsalvo de Cordova, 119
+
+Goldsmith's Marlow, 32
+
+Gooch, Sir W., and the Negro, 90
+
+GRATITUDE, 40
+
+Gregory, Dr., a Militiaman, 38
+
+Granby, Marquis of, and the Lord-in-Waiting, 108
+
+Grance, Count de, and the Cannon Ball, 112
+
+Grenadier, French, 121
+
+Grog, 103
+
+Guise, Colonel, 24
+
+
+H., Letter, Use of, 14
+
+Haddock, Admiral, 102
+
+Handel, 82
+
+Hanging Judge, The, 73
+
+Hanway, Jonas, and the Coachman, 107
+
+Hawker, Colonel, and the French Officer, 77
+
+Haydn, 84
+
+Heavy Play, A, 28
+
+Heber's Palestine, 14
+
+Henderson and the Actor, 113
+
+Henri IV. and D'Aubigne,  40
+
+HEROISM, 43
+
+Hill,
+  Sergeant, 75
+  Rowland, 101
+
+Hogarth--Picture of the Red Sea, 9
+
+Hood, Sir S., 57
+
+HOSPITALITY, 48
+
+Hough, Dr., and the Barometer, 114
+
+Housemaid, Presence of mind of a, 92
+
+Hulet, the Comedian, 31
+
+HUMANITY, 51-57
+
+Hume's Speeches, 86
+
+Huntly, Marquis of, and James VI., 95
+
+Ice, Custom-house doubt, 70
+
+IMAGINATION, 58
+
+
+James I.
+  and the Courtier, 38
+  in Westminster Hall, 60
+  and the Earl of Scarborough, 96
+
+James IV. of Scotland and the Robbers, 92
+
+John Gilpin, Origin of, 14
+
+Johnson, Dr.,
+  and the Hare, 49
+  and Wilkes, 60
+  and Lord Elibank, 60
+  reply to Miller, 60
+
+Judge, A Benevolent, 11
+
+
+Kaimes, Lord, and the Sheepstealer, 75
+
+Kean, Charles, 29
+
+Kennedies, The, 36
+
+Keppel, Admiral, at Algiers, 104
+
+KINGS, 60
+
+Kirwan, Dr., 20
+
+Kosciusko, 19
+
+
+Labat, Mons. of Bayonne, 47
+
+Lady and Highwayman, 100
+
+Lamb, Counsellor, 72
+
+Lamb, Charles, and the Farmer, 116
+
+LAW AND LAWYERS, 66-75
+
+Lely the Painter, and the Alderman, 6
+
+Lessing, 130
+
+Lettsom, Dr., and the Highwayman, 101
+
+LIBRARIANS, 76
+
+Lisieux, Bishop of, 53
+
+Liston, 27
+
+Long and Short Barristers, 74
+
+Longueville, Duke of, 40
+
+Louis,
+  St., 78
+  XII. and the Composer, 63
+  XIV. and the Comte de Grammont, 62
+  and Lord Stair, 63
+  and the Eddystone Workmen, 63
+
+Lyndhurst, Lord,--Retirement from Office, 87
+
+
+Mackenzie, General, 34
+
+Maclaurin and his Pupils, 130
+
+MAGNANIMITY, 77-81
+
+Marie Antoinette, 40
+
+Maximilian I. and the Beggar, 11
+
+Mayor,
+  An English, 89
+  A French, 89
+
+Memory, Artificial, 127
+
+Mimicry, 30
+
+Miner, Swedish, 3
+
+Moliere and the Doctors, 23
+
+Monkey, A Grenadier, 123
+
+Montaigne on Doctors, 23
+
+Montesquieu, M. de, 55
+
+Morand and the Critics, 33
+
+Morland the Painter, 6
+
+Morvilliers and Charles IX., 34
+
+Motte, M. de la, and the Critics, 28
+
+Mozart, 84
+
+Mungo Park and the African Woman, 50
+
+MUSICIANS, 82-85
+
+Mysterious Benefactor, 19
+
+
+Napoleon Bonaparte, 17, 18, 91, 110
+
+Nash and the Doctor, 25
+
+Navy Chaplains, 104
+
+Neckar and the Corporation of Paris, 51
+
+Nelson, Lord--Punctuality, 98
+
+Nena Sahib and the Devil, 107
+
+Nevailles, Marshal de, 48
+
+Norton, Sir F. and Lord Mansfield, 72
+
+
+O'Brien, Lieutenant, 102
+
+Old Age secured--the Irish Beggar, 11
+
+Old Ambrose, 35
+
+O'Neil, Sir Phelim, 78
+
+Orkney, Countess of, 1
+
+Orleans, Duke of, 39
+
+Ossuna, Duke of, and the Felon, 100
+
+
+Parisian Stockbroker, 128
+
+Parisian Ragman, 127
+
+PARLIAMENT, 86-88
+
+PATIENCE, 88
+
+Pepusch, Dr., 116
+
+Peterborough, Lord, and the Mob, 91
+
+Peter the Great, 71, 113
+
+Philadelphian Lady, 128
+
+Philip II. of Spain, 88
+
+Physicians in China, 23
+
+Pitt, and the Duke of Newcastle, 86
+
+Pius IX., and the Attorney, 12
+
+POETS, 89
+
+Polignac, Compte de, 17
+
+Politeness, 89
+
+Poor-man-of-mutton, 21
+
+Pope the Poet, 125
+
+Presence of Mind, 90-95
+
+Prideaux--Life of Mahomet, 13
+
+PUNCTUALITY, 98
+
+
+Quartering upon the Enemy, 111
+
+Quick the Actor, 32
+
+
+Racine and his Family, 3
+
+Ragged Regiment, 118
+
+RANK AND ANCESTRY, 95
+
+Reclaimed Robbers, 101
+
+Rejected Addresses, The, 125
+
+Reynolds, Sir Joshua, 5
+
+Richardson--opinion of a Picture, 5
+
+Rivardes and the Wooden Leg, 111
+
+ROBBERS, 100
+
+Robert, King of France, 114
+
+Ross, Lord, 124
+
+
+SAILORS, 101-105
+
+Savage Dr., and the Pope, 132
+
+Savoie, Magdeline De, 110
+
+Schaumbourg, Count, 117
+
+SCHOOLS, 105
+
+Scott, Sir W.
+  --Punctuality, 99
+  and the Beggar, 11
+  and the Inn-keeper, 109
+
+Scott, Mr., of Exeter, 98
+
+Selwyn, G., and the Traveller, 116
+
+Senesino and Farinelli, 30
+
+Sentinel on the Stage, 31
+
+SERVANTS, 107
+
+Shaving a Queen, 27
+
+Sheridan, Dr., and the Scholar, 105
+
+Sheridan, 88, 132, 133
+
+Sidney, Sir Philip, 53
+
+Signboards, 109
+
+Sion College, and George III., 131
+
+Sir and Sire, 17
+
+Sisters of Charity, 129
+
+Smith, Sydney, Charity Sermon, 125
+
+Smiths, The Two, 126
+
+SOLDIERS, 109-112
+
+Sporting, 134
+
+Stackelberg, Baron Von, 54
+
+Steele and Addison, 124
+
+Sterne and the Old Woman, 134
+
+Strasburgh Lawyer, A, 68
+
+Suwarrow, Marshall, 110
+
+Swift, Dean, 10, 21, 22, 109, 131
+
+
+Talleyrand, Madame de, 16
+
+Tantara, and the Landscape, 9
+
+TEMPER, 113
+
+Tenterden, Lord, 74
+
+Thelwall and Erskine, 71
+
+"They're all Out", 87
+
+Thomson the Poet, and Quin, 15
+
+Thurot, Admiral, 79
+
+TIME, Value of, 115
+
+TRAVELLING, 116
+
+Turenne, Marshal, 112
+
+Turner, The Painter, 6
+
+Tyrolese Heroine, 136
+
+
+Van Dyke, 40
+
+Vendean Servant, 91
+
+Vernet--Picture of St. Jerome, 8
+
+Villars, Marshal, 110
+
+Villecerf, Madame de, 22
+
+Voisin, Chancellor of Louis XIX., 34
+
+
+Wager, Sir C., and the Doctors, 25
+
+WAR, 117-124
+
+Wardlaw, Archbishop of St. Andrew's, 49
+
+Weeping at a Play, 31
+
+Welch Dispute, A, 97
+
+West, the Painter, 7
+
+William III., and St. Evremond, 131
+
+Willie Law, 22
+
+Wise, Dr., and the Parliament, 131
+
+
+Ximenes, Cardinal, 123
+
+
+"Yellow Cabriolet," The, 28
+
+York, Duke of, and the Housekeeper, 108
+
+
+Zimmerman, 23
+
+
+
+
+ANECDOTES.
+
+
+
+
+AFFECTION.
+
+
+General St. Amour.--This officer, who distinguished himself in the Imperial
+service, was the son of a poor Piedmontese peasant, but he never forgot his
+humble extraction. While the army was in Piedmont, he invited his principal
+officers to an entertainment, when his father happened to arrive just as
+they were sitting down to table. This being announced to the general, he
+immediately rose, and stated to his guests his father's arrival. He said he
+knew the respect he owed to them, but at the same time he hoped they would
+excuse him if he withdrew, and dined with his father in another room. The
+guests begged that the father might be introduced, assuring him that they
+should be happy to see one so nearly related to him; but he replied, "Ah,
+no, gentlemen; my father would find himself so embarrassed in company so
+unsuited to his rank, that it would deprive us both of the only pleasure of
+the interview--the unrestrained intercourse of a parent and his son." He
+then retired, and passed the evening with his father.
+
+
+The Deaf and Dumb Mother.--The late Countess of Orkney, who died at an
+advanced age, was deaf and dumb, and was married in 1753 by signs. She
+resided with her husband at his seat, Rostellan, near Cork. Shortly after
+the birth of her first child, the nurse saw the mother cautiously approach
+the cradle in which the infant lay asleep, evidently full of some deep
+design. The Countess, having first assured herself that her babe was fast
+asleep, took from under her shawl a large stone, which had purposely been
+concealed there, and, to the utter horror of the nurse, who largely shared
+the popular notion that all dumb persons are possessed of peculiar cunning
+and malignity, raised it up, as if to enable her to dash it down with
+greater force. Before the nurse could interpose to prevent what she
+believed would bring certain death to the sleeping and unconscious child,
+the dreadful stone was flung, not at the cradle, however, but upon the
+ground, and fell with great violence. The noise awakened the child. The
+Countess was overjoyed, and, in the fulness of a mother's heart, she fell
+upon her knees to express her thankfulness that her beloved infant
+possessed a blessing denied to herself--the sense of hearing. This lady
+often gave similar indications of superior intelligence, though we can
+believe that few of them equalled the present in interest.
+
+
+Filial Affection.--A veteran, worn out in the service of France, was left
+without a pension, although he had a wife and three children to share his
+wretchedness. His son was placed at _L'Ecole militaire_, where he might
+have enjoyed every comfort, but the strongest persuasion could not induce
+him to taste anything but coarse bread and water. The Duke de Choiseul
+being informed of the circumstance, ordered the boy before him, and
+enquired the reason of his abstemiousness. The boy, with a manly fortitude,
+replied, "Sir, when I had the honour of being admitted to this royal
+foundation, my father conducted me hither. We came on foot: on our journey
+the demands of nature were relieved by bread and water. I was received. My
+father blessed me, and returned to the protection of a helpless wife and
+family. As long as I can remember, bread of the blackest kind, with water,
+has been their daily subsistence, and even that is earned by every species
+of labour that honour does not forbid. To this fare, sir, my father is
+reduced; and while he, my mother, and my sisters, are compelled to endure
+such wretchedness, is it possible that I can enjoy the plenty which my
+sovereign has provided for me?" The duke felt this tale of nature, gave the
+boy three louis d'ors for pocket-money, and promised to procure the father
+a pension. The boy begged the louis d'ors might be sent to his father,
+which, with the patent of his pension, was immediately done. The boy was
+patronised by the duke, and became one of the best officers in the service
+of France.
+
+
+Racine.--The celebrated French poet, Racine, having one day returned from
+Versailles, where he had been on a visit, was waited upon by a gentleman
+with an invitation to dine at the Hotel de Conde. "I cannot possibly do
+myself that honour," said the poet; "it is some time since I have been with
+my family; they are overjoyed to see me again, and have provided a fine
+carp; so that I must dine with my dear wife and children." "But my good
+sir," replied the gentleman, "several of the most distinguished characters
+in the kingdom expect your company, and will be anxious to see you." On
+this, Racine brought out the carp and showed it to his visitor, saying,
+"Here, sir, is our little meal; then say, having provided such a treat for
+me, what apology could I make for not dining with my poor children? Neither
+they nor my wife could have any pleasure in eating a bit of it without me;
+then pray be so obliging as to mention my excuse to the Prince of Conde and
+my other illustrious friends." The gentleman did so; and not only His
+Serene Highness, but all the company present, professed themselves
+infinitely more charmed with this proof of the poet's affection as a
+husband and a father, than they possibly could have been with his
+delightful conversation.
+
+
+Touching Recognition.--Some years ago, in making a new communication
+between two shafts of a mine at Fahkin, the capital of Delecarlia, the body
+of a miner was discovered by the workmen in a state of perfect
+preservation, and impregnated with vitriolic water. It was quite soft, but
+hardened on being exposed to the air. No one could identify the body: it
+was merely remembered that the accident, by which he had thus been buried
+in the bosom of the earth, had taken place above fifty years ago. All
+enquiries about the name of the sufferer had already ceased, when a
+decrepid old woman, supported on crutches, slowly advanced towards the
+corpse, and knew it to be that of a young man to whom she had been
+promised in marriage more than half a century ago. She threw herself on the
+corpse, which had all the appearance of a bronze statue, bathed it with her
+tears, and fainted with joy at having once more beheld the object of her
+affections. One can with difficulty realize the singular contrast afforded
+by that couple--the one buried above fifty years ago, still retaining the
+appearance of youth; while the other, weighed down by age, evinced all the
+fervency of youthful affections.
+
+
+Family Sacrifice.--During the French revolution, Madame Saintmaraule, with
+her daughter, and a youth, her son, not yet of age, were confined in prison
+and brought to trial. The mother and daughter behaved with resolution, and
+were sentenced to die; but of the youth no notice was taken, and he was
+remanded to prison. "What!" exclaimed the boy, "am I then to be separated
+from my mother? It cannot be!" and immediately he cried out, "_Vive le
+Roi!_" In consequence of this, he was condemned to death, and, with his
+mother and his sister, was led out to execution.
+
+
+Expedient of Conjugal Affection.--Napoleon used to relate an anecdote
+shewing the conjugal affection of some women who accompanied his troops
+when he was at Col de Tende. To enter this mountainous and difficult
+country, it was necessary for the soldiers to pass over a narrow bridge,
+and, as the enterprise was a hazardous one, Napoleon had given orders that
+no women should be permitted to cross it with them. To enforce this order,
+two captains were stationed on the bridge with instructions, on pain of
+death, not to suffer a woman to pass. The passage was effected, and the
+troops continued their march. When some miles beyond the bridge, the
+Emperor was greatly astonished at the appearance of a considerable number
+of women with the soldiers. He immediately ordered the two captains to be
+put under arrest, intending to have them tried for a breach of duty. The
+prisoners protested their innocence, and stoutly asserted that no women had
+crossed the bridge. Napoleon, on hearing this, commanded that some of the
+women should be brought before him, when he interrogated them on the
+subject. To his utter surprise they readily acknowledged that the captains
+had not betrayed their trust, but that a contrivance of their own had
+brought them into their present situation. They informed Napoleon, that
+having taken the provisions, which had been prepared for the support of the
+army, out of some of the casks, they had concealed themselves in them, and
+by this stratagem succeeded in passing the bridge without discovery.
+
+
+
+
+ARTISTS.
+
+
+Sir Joshua Reynolds.--"What do you ask for this sketch?" said Sir Joshua to
+an old picture-dealer, whose portfolio he was looking over. "Twenty
+guineas, your honour." "Twenty pence, I suppose you mean?" "No, sir; it is
+true I would have taken twenty pence for it this morning, but if _you_
+think it worth looking at, all the world will think it worth buying." Sir
+Joshua ordered him to send the sketch home, and gave him the money.
+
+
+Ditto.--Two gentlemen were at a coffee-house, when the discourse fell upon
+Sir Joshua Reynold's painting; one of them said that "his tints were
+admirable, but the colours _flew_." It happened that Sir Joshua was in the
+next box, who taking up his hat, accosted them thus, with a low
+bow--"Gentlemen, I return you many thanks for bringing me off with _flying
+colours_."
+
+
+Richardson, in his anecdotes of painting, says, a gentleman came to me to
+invite me to his house: "I have," says he, "a picture of Rubens, and it is
+a rare good one. There is little H. the other day came to see it, and says
+it is _a copy_. If any one says so again, I'll _break his head_. Pray, Mr.
+Richardson, will you do me the favour to come, and give me _your real
+opinion of it?_"
+
+
+Gainsborough.--A countryman was shown Gainsborough's celebrated picture of
+"The Pigs." "To be sure," said he, "they be deadly like pigs; but there is
+one fault; nobody ever saw three pigs feeding together but what one on 'em
+had a foot in the trough."
+
+
+Turner.--Once, at a dinner, where several artists, amateurs and literary
+men were convened, a poet, by way of being facetious, proposed as a toast
+the health of the _painters and glaziers_ of Great Britain. The toast was
+drunk, and Turner, after returning thanks for it, proposed the health of
+the British _paper-stainers_.
+
+
+Lely and the Alderman.--Sir Peter Lely, a famous painter in the reign of
+Charles I., agreed for the price of a full-length, which he was to draw for
+a rich alderman of London, who was not indebted to nature either for shape
+or face. When the picture was finished, the alderman endeavoured to beat
+down the price; alleging that if he did not purchase it, it would lie on
+the painter's hands. "That's a mistake," replied Sir Peter, "for I can sell
+it at double the price I demand."--"How can that be?" says the alderman;
+"for it is like nobody but myself."--"But I will draw a tail to it, and
+then it will be an excellent monkey." The alderman, to prevent exposure,
+paid the sum agreed for, and carried off the picture.
+
+
+Morland.--It is well known that Morland the painter used to go on an
+expedition with a companion sometimes without a guinea, or perhaps scarcely
+a shilling, to defray the expenses of their journey; and thus they were
+often reduced to an unpleasant and ludicrous dilemma. On one occasion the
+painter was travelling in Kent, in company with a relative, and finding
+their cash exhausted, while at a distance from their destination, they were
+compelled to exert their wits, for the purpose of recruiting themselves
+after a long and fatiguing march. As they approached Canterbury, a homely
+village ale-house caught their eye; and the itinerant artists hailed, with
+delight, the sign of the Black Bull, which indicated abundance of home-made
+bread and generous ale. They entered, and soon made considerable havoc
+among the good things of mine host, who, on reckoning up, found that they
+had consumed as much bread, cheese and ale, as amounted to _12s. 6d._
+Morland now candidly informed his host that they were two poor painters
+going in search of employment, and that they had spent all their money. He,
+however, added that, as the sign of the Bull was a disgraceful daub for so
+respectable a house, he would have no objection to repaint it, as a set-off
+for what he and his companion had received. The landlord, who had long been
+wishing for a new sign (the one in question having passed through two
+generations), gladly accepted his terms, and Morland immediately went to
+work. The next day the Bull was sketched in such a masterly manner that the
+landlord was enraptured; he supplied his guests with more provisions, and
+generously gave them money for their subsequent expenses. About three
+months after a gentleman well acquainted with Morland's works, accidentally
+passing through the village, recognised it instantly to be the production
+of that inimitable painter: he stopped, and was confirmed in his opinion,
+by the history which the landlord gave of the transaction. In short, he
+purchased the sign of him for twenty pounds; the landlord was struck with
+admiration at his liberality; but this identical painting was some time
+afterwards sold at a public auction for the sum of _one hundred guineas!_
+
+
+When Benjamin West was seven years old, he was left, one summer day, with
+the charge of an infant niece. As it lay in the cradle and he was engaged
+in fanning away the flies, the motion of the fan pleased the child, and
+caused it to smile. Attracted by the charms thus created, young West felt
+his instinctive passion aroused; and seeing paper, pen and some red and
+black ink on a table, he eagerly seized them and made his first attempt at
+portrait painting. Just as he had finished his maiden task, his mother and
+sister entered. He tried to conceal what he had done, but his confusion
+arrested his mother's attention, and she asked him what he had been doing.
+With reluctance and timidity, he handed her the paper, begging, at the same
+time, that she would not be offended. Examining the drawing for a short
+time, she turned to her daughter, and, with a smile, said, "I declare he
+has made a likeness of Sally." She then gave him a fond kiss, which so
+encouraged him that he promised her some drawings of the flowers which she
+was then holding, if she wished to have them. The next year a cousin sent
+him a box of colours and pencils, with large quantities of canvas prepared
+for the easel, and half a dozen engravings. Early the next morning he took
+his materials into the garret, and for several days forgot all about
+school. His mother suspected that the box was the cause of his neglect of
+his books, and going into the garret and finding him busy at a picture, she
+was about to reprimand him; but her eye fell on some of his compositions,
+and her anger cooled at once. She was so pleased with them that she loaded
+him with kisses, and promised to secure his father's pardon for his neglect
+of school. The world is much indebted to Mrs. West for her early and
+constant encouragement of the talent of her son. He often used to say,
+after his reputation was established, "_My mothers kiss made me a
+painter!_"
+
+
+Vernet relates, that he was once employed to paint a landscape, with a
+cave, and St. Jerome in it; he accordingly painted the landscape with St.
+Jerome at the entrance of the cave. When he delivered the picture, the
+purchaser, who understood nothing of perspective, said, "the landscape and
+the cave are well made, but St. Jerome is not _in_ the cave."--"I
+understand you, sir," replied Vernet, "I will alter it." He therefore took
+the painting, and made the shade darker, so that the saint seemed to sit
+farther in. The gentleman took the painting; but it again appeared to him
+that the saint was not actually in the cave. Vernet then wiped out the
+figure, and gave it to the gentleman, who seemed perfectly satisfied.
+Whenever he saw strangers to whom he showed the picture, he said, "Here you
+see a picture by Vernet, with St. Jerome in the cave." "But we cannot see
+the saint," replied the visitors. "Excuse me, gentlemen," answered the
+possessor, "he is there; for I saw him standing at the entrance, and
+afterwards farther back; and am therefore quite sure that he is in it."
+
+
+Hogarth.--A nobleman, not remarkable for generosity, sent for Hogarth and
+desired that he would represent on one of the compartments of his
+staircase, Pharoah and his host drowned in the Red Sea. At the same time he
+hinted that no great price would be given for the performance. Hogarth
+however agreed. Soon afterwards he applied for payment to his employer, who
+seeing that the space allotted for the picture had only been daubed over
+with red, declared he had no idea of paying a painter when he had proceeded
+no farther than to lay his ground. "Ground!" exclaimed Hogarth, "there is
+no _ground_ in the case, my lord, it is all sea. The red you perceive is
+the Red Sea. Pharoah and his host are drowned as you desired, and cannot be
+made objects of sight, for the sea covers them all."
+
+
+Tantara, the celebrated landscape painter, was a man of ready wit, but he
+once met his match. An amateur had ordered a landscape for his gallery, in
+which there was to be a church. Our painter did not know how to draw
+figures well, so he put none in the landscape. The amateur was astonished
+at the truthfulness and colouring of the picture, but he missed the
+figures. "You have forgotten to put in any figures," said he, laughingly.
+"Sir," replied the painter, "_the people are gone to mass_." "Oh, well,"
+replied the amateur, "I will wait and take your picture _when they come
+out_."
+
+
+Chantrey's First Sculpture.--Chantrey, when a boy, used to take milk to
+Sheffield on an ass. To those not used to seeing and observing such things,
+it may be necessary to state that the boys generally carry a good thick
+stick, with a hooked or knobbed end, with which they belabour their asses
+sometimes unmercifully. On a certain day, when returning home, riding on
+his ass, Chantrey was observed by a gentleman to be intently engaged in
+cutting a stick with his penknife, and, excited by curiosity, he asked the
+lad what he was doing, when, with great simplicity of manner, but with
+courtesy, he replied, "I am cutting _old Fox's head_." Fox was the
+schoolmaster of the village. On this, the gentleman asked to see what he
+had done, pronounced it to be an excellent likeness, and presented the
+youth with _sixpence_. This may, perhaps, be reckoned the first money
+Chantry ever obtained in the way of his _art_.
+
+
+
+
+BEGGING.
+
+
+Admiral Chatillon had gone one day to hear mass in the Dominican Friars'
+chapel; a poor fellow came and begged his charity. He was at the moment
+occupied with his devotions, and he gave him several pieces of gold from
+his pocket, without counting them, or thinking what they were. The large
+amount astonished the beggar, and as M. Chatillon was going out of the
+church-door, the poor man waited for him: "Sir," said he, showing him what
+he had given him, "I cannot think that you intended to give me so large a
+sum, and am very ready to return it." The admiral, admiring the honesty of
+the man, said, "I did not, indeed, my good man, intend to have given you so
+much; but, since you have the generosity to offer to return it, I will have
+the generosity to desire you to keep it; and here are five pieces more for
+you."
+
+
+A Beggar's Wedding.--Dean Swift being in the country, on a visit to Dr.
+Sheridan, they were informed that a beggar's wedding was about to be
+celebrated. Sheridan played well upon the violin; Swift therefore proposed
+that he should go to the place where the ceremony was to be performed,
+disguised as a blind fiddler, while he attended him as his man. Thus
+accoutred they set out, and were received by the jovial crew with great
+acclamation. They had plenty of good cheer, and never was a more joyous
+wedding seen. All was mirth and frolic; the beggars told stories, played
+tricks, cracked jokes, sung and danced, in a manner which afforded high
+amusement to the fiddler and his man, who were well rewarded when they
+departed, which was not till late in the evening. The next day the Dean and
+Sheridan walked out in their usual dress, and found many of their late
+companions, hopping about upon crutches, or pretending to be blind, pouring
+forth melancholy complaints and supplications for charity. Sheridan
+distributed among them the money he had received; but the Dean, who hated
+all mendicants, fell into a violent passion, telling them of his adventure
+of the preceding day, and threatening to send every one of them to prison.
+This had such an effect, that the blind opened their eyes, and the lame
+threw away their crutches, running away as fast as their legs could carry
+them.
+
+
+Old Age Secured.--As Sir Walter Scott was riding once with a friend in the
+neighbourhood of Abbotsford, he came to a field gate, which an Irish beggar
+who happened to be near hastened to open for him. Sir Walter was desirous
+of rewarding his civility by the present of sixpence, but found that he had
+not so small a coin in his purse. "Here, my good fellow," said the baronet,
+"here is a shilling for you; but mind, you owe me sixpence." "God bless
+your honour!" exclaimed Pat: "may your honour live till I pay you."
+
+
+Maximilian I.--A beggar once asked alms of the Emperor Maximilian I., who
+bestowed upon him a small coin. The beggar appeared dissatisfied with the
+smallness of the gift, and on being asked why, he replied that it was a
+very little sum for an emperor, and that his highness should remember that
+we were all descended from one father, and were therefore all _brothers_.
+Maximilian smiled good-humouredly, and replied: "Go--go, my good man: if
+each of your brothers gives you as much as I have done, you will very soon
+be far richer than me."
+
+
+
+
+BENEVOLENCE.
+
+
+A Benevolent Judge.--The celebrated Anthony Domat, author of a treatise on
+the civil laws, was promoted to the office of judge of the provincial court
+of Clermont, in the territory of Auvergne, in the south of France. In this
+court he presided, with general applause, for twenty-four years. One day a
+poor widow brought an action against the Baron de Nairac, her landlord,
+for turning her out of her mill, which was the poor creature's sole
+dependence. M. Domat heard the cause, and finding by the evidence that she
+had ignorantly broken a covenant in the lease which gave her landlord the
+power of re-entry, he recommended mercy to the baron for a poor but honest
+tenant, who had not wilfully transgressed, or done him any material injury.
+Nairac being inexorable, the judge was compelled to pronounce an ejectment,
+with the penalty mentioned in the lease and costs of suit; but he could not
+pronounce the decree without tears. When an order of seizure, both of
+person and effects was added, the poor widow exclaimed, "O merciful and
+righteous God, be thou a friend to the widow and her helpless orphans!" and
+immediately fainted away. The compassionate judge assisted in raising the
+unfortunate woman, and after enquiring into her character, number of
+children, and other circumstances, generously presented her with one
+hundred louis d'ors, the amount of the damages and costs, which he
+prevailed upon the baron to accept as a full compensation, and to let the
+widow again enter upon her mill. The poor widow anxiously enquired of M.
+Domat when he would require payment, that she might lay up accordingly.
+"When my conscience (he replied) shall tell me that I have done an improper
+act."
+
+
+Pope Pius IX.--An advocate, the father of a large family, fell into ill
+health, and soon afterwards into want. Pius IX., hearing of this, sent a
+messenger with a letter to the advocate, but he was at first refused
+admittance, on the ground that the physician had enjoined the utmost quiet.
+On the messenger explaining from whom he came he was admitted, and, on the
+letter being opened, what was the surprise of the family on finding within
+300 scudi (L62), with the words, "For the advocate ...--Pius IX.," in the
+pontiff's own handwriting.
+
+
+Dr. Glynn was remarkable for many acts of kindness to poor persons. He had
+attended a sick family in the fens near Cambridge for a considerable time,
+and had never thought of any recompense for his skill and trouble but the
+satisfaction of being able to do good. One day he heard a noise on the
+college staircase, and his servant brought him word that the poor woman
+from the fens waited upon him with a _magpie_, of which she begged his
+acceptance. This at first a little discomposed the doctor. Of all presents,
+a magpie was the least acceptable to him, as he had a hundred loose things
+about his rooms, which the bird, if admitted, was likely to make free with.
+However, his good nature soon returned: he considered the woman's
+intention, and ordered her to be shown in. "I am obliged to you for
+thinking of me, good woman," said he, "but you must excuse my not taking
+your bird, as it would occasion me a great deal of trouble." "Pray,
+doctor," answered the woman, "do, pray, be pleased to have it. My husband,
+my son, and myself have been long consulting together in what way we could
+show our thankfulness to you, and we could think of nothing better than to
+give you our favourite bird. We would not part with it to any other person
+upon earth. We shall be sadly hurt if you refuse our present." "Well, well,
+my good woman," said Dr. Glynn, "if that is the case, I must have the bird;
+but do you, as you say you are so fond of it, take it back again, and keep
+it for me, and I will allow you eighteenpence a week for the care of it. I
+shall have the pleasure of seeing it every time I come." This allowance Dr.
+G. punctually paid as long as the bird lived.
+
+
+
+
+BOOKS.
+
+
+An Odd Fault.--It is said that when the learned Humphrey Prideaux offered
+his Life of Mahomet to the bookseller, he was desired to leave the copy
+with him for a few days, for his perusal. The bookseller said to the doctor
+at his return, "Well, Mr. What's your Name, I have perused your manuscript;
+I don't know what to say of it; I believe I shall venture to print it; the
+thing is well enough; but I could wish there were a little more _humour_ in
+it." This story is otherwise told in a note in Swift's works, where the
+book is said to have been Prideaux's "Connexion of the History of the Old
+and New Testament," in which, it must be confessed, the difficulty of
+introducing _humour_ is more striking.
+
+
+Dictionaries.--Dr. Johnson, while compiling his dictionary, sent a note to
+the _Gentleman's Magazine_, to inquire the etymology of the word
+CURMUDGEON. Having obtained the desired information, he thus recorded in
+his work his obligation to an anonymous writer: "CURMUDGEON, _s._ a vicious
+way of pronouncing _coeur mechant_. An unknown correspondent." Ash copied
+the word into his dictionary, in the following manner: CURMUDGEON, from the
+French, _coeur_, "unknown," and _mechant_, "correspondent!"
+
+
+Heber's Palestine.--When Reginald Heber read his prize poem, "Palestine,"
+to Sir Walter Scott, the latter observed that, in the verses on Solomon's
+Temple, one striking circumstance had escaped him, namely, that no tools
+were used in its erection. Reginald retired for a few minutes to the corner
+of the room, and returned with the beautiful lines:--
+
+    "No hammer fell, no ponderous axes rung;
+      Like some tall palm, the mystic fabric sprung.
+    Majestic silence," &c.
+
+
+Use of H.--"What has become of your famous General _Eel?_" said the Count
+d'Erleon to Mr. Campbell. "Eel," said a bystander, "that is a military fish
+I never heard of;" but another at once enlightened his mind by saying to
+the count, "General Lord _Hill_ is now Commander-in-Chief of the British
+forces!"
+
+
+Cowper's "John Gilpin."--It happened one afternoon, in those years when
+Cowper's accomplished friend, Lady Austen, made a part of his little
+evening circle, that she observed him sinking into increased dejection. It
+was her custom, on these occasions, to try all the resources of her
+sprightly powers for his immediate relief, and at this time it occurred to
+her to tell him the story of John Gilpin, (which had been treasured in her
+memory from her childhood), in order to dissipate the gloom of the passing
+hour. Its effects on the fancy of Cowper had the air of enchantment. He
+informed her the next morning that convulsions of laughter, brought on by
+his recollection of her story, had kept him waking during the greatest part
+of the night! and that he had turned it into a ballad. So arose the
+pleasant poem of "John Gilpin."
+
+
+Catalogue Making.--Mr. Nichols, in the fourth vol. of his _Literary
+Anecdotes_, mentions that Dr. Taylor, who was librarian at Cambridge, about
+the year 1732, used to relate of himself that one day throwing books in
+heaps for the purpose of classing and arranging them, he put one among
+works on _Mensuration_, because his eye caught the word _height_ in the
+title-page; and another which had the word _salt_ conspicuous, he threw
+among books on Chemistry or Cookery. But when he began a regular
+classification, it appeared that the former was "Longinus on the Sublime,"
+and the other a "Theological Discourse on the _Salt_ of the World, that
+good Christians ought to be seasoned with." Thus, too, in a catalogue
+published about twenty years ago, the "Flowers of Ancient Literature" are
+found among books on Gardening and Botany, and "Burton's Anatomy of
+Melancholy" is placed among works on Medicine and Surgery.
+
+
+Dickens' Origin of "Boz."--A fellow passenger with Mr. Dickens, in the
+_Britannia_ steam-ship, across the Atlantic, inquired of the author the
+origin of his signature "Boz." Mr. Dickens replied that he had a little
+brother who resembled so much the Moses in the _Vicar of Wakefield_, that
+he used to call him Moses also; but a younger girl, who could not then
+articulate plainly, was in the habit of calling him Bozie or Boz. This
+simple circumstance made him assume that name in the first article he
+risked before the public, and as the first effort was approved of he
+continued the name.
+
+
+Thomson and Quin.--Thomson the poet, when he first came to London, was in
+very narrow circumstances, and was many times put to shifts even for a
+dinner. Upon the publication of his Seasons one of his creditors arrested
+him, thinking that a proper opportunity to get his money. The report of
+this misfortune reached the ears of Quin, who had read the Seasons, but
+never seen their author; and he was told that Thompson was in a
+spunging-house in Holborn. Thither Quin went, and being admitted into his
+chamber, "Sir," said he, "you don't know me, but my name is Quin." Thomson
+said, "That, though he could not boast of the honour of a personal
+acquaintance, he was no stranger either to his name or his merit;" and
+invited him to sit down. Quin then told him he was come to sup with him,
+and that he had already ordered the cook to provide supper, which he hoped
+he would excuse. When supper was over, and the glass had gone briskly
+about, Mr. Quin told him, "It was now time to enter upon business." Thomson
+declared he was ready to serve him as far as his capacity would reach, in
+anything he should command, (thinking he was come about some affair
+relating to the drama). "Sir," says Quin, "you mistake me. I am in your
+debt. I owe you a hundred pounds, and I am come to pay you." Thomson, with
+a disconsolate air, replied, that, as he was a gentleman whom he had never
+offended, he wondered he should seek an opportunity to jest with his
+misfortunes. "No," said Quin, raising his voice, "I say I owe you a hundred
+pounds, and there it is," (laying a bank note of that value before him).
+Thomson, astonished, begged he would explain himself. "Why," says Quin,
+"I'll tell you; soon after I had read your Seasons, I took it into my head,
+that as I had something to leave behind me when I died, I would make my
+will; and among the rest of my legatees I set down the author of the
+Seasons for a hundred pounds; and, this day hearing that you were in this
+house, I thought I might as well have the pleasure of paying the money
+myself, as order my executors to pay it, when, perhaps, you might have less
+need of it; and this, Mr. Thomson, is my business." Of course Thomson left
+the house in company with his benefactor.
+
+
+Denon and De Foe.--M. de Talleyrand, having one day invited M. Denon, the
+celebrated traveller, to dine with him, told his wife to read the work of
+his guest, which she would find in the library, in order that she might be
+the better able to converse with him. Madame Talleyrand, unluckily, got
+hold, by mistake, of the "Adventures of Robinson Crusoe," by De Foe, which
+she ran over in great haste; and, at dinner, she began to question Denon
+about his shipwreck, his island, &c., and, finally, about his man Friday!
+
+
+
+
+BONAPARTE.
+
+
+Possibility.--Bonaparte was passing along the dreadful road across the
+Echelles de Savoie, with his engineer, when he stopped, and pointing to the
+mountain, said, "Is it not possible to cut a tunnel through yonder rock,
+and to form a more safe and commodious route beneath it?" "It is
+_possible_, certainly, sire," replied his scientific companion, "but"--"No
+buts;--let it be done, and immediately," replied the Emperor.
+
+
+Sir and Sire.--A petition from the English _detenus_ at Valenciennes was
+left for signature at the house of the colonel of gendarmerie, addressed in
+a fulsome manner to Bonaparte, under his title of Emperor of the French,
+and beginning with "_Sire_." Some unlucky wag took an opportunity of
+altering this word into "_Dear Sir_," and nearly caused the whole party to
+be imprisoned.
+
+
+Polignac.--Monsieur le Compte de Polignac had been raised to honour by
+Bonaparte; but, from some unaccountable motive, betrayed the trust his
+patron reposed in him. As soon as Bonaparte discovered the perfidy, he
+ordered Polignac to be put under arrest. Next day he was to have been
+tried, and in all probability would have been condemned, as his guilt was
+undoubted. In the meantime, Madame Polignac solicited and obtained an
+audience of the Emperor. "I am sorry, madam, for your sake," said he, "that
+your husband has been implicated in an affair which is marked throughout
+with such deep ingratitude." "He may not have been so guilty as your
+majesty supposes," said the countess. "Do you know your husband's
+signature?" asked the Emperor, as he took a letter from his pocket and
+presented it to her. Madame de Polignac hastily glanced over the letter,
+recognised the writing, and fainted. As soon as she recovered, Bonaparte,
+offering her the letter, said, "Take it; it is the only legal evidence
+against your husband: there is a fire beside you." Madame de P. eagerly
+seized the important document, and in an instant committed it to the
+flames. The life of Polignac was saved: his honour it was beyond the power
+even of the generosity of an emperor to redeem.
+
+
+
+
+CHARITY.
+
+
+The Price of Bread.--Some years ago, the bakers of Lyons thought they could
+prevail on M. Dugas, the provost of the merchants in that city, to befriend
+them at the expense of the public. They waited upon him in a body, and
+begged leave to raise the price of bread, which could not be done without
+the sanction of the chief magistrate. M. Dugas told them that he would
+examine their petition, and give them an early answer. The bakers retired,
+having first left upon the table a purse of two hundred louis d'ors. In a
+few days the bakers called upon the magistrate for an answer, not in the
+least doubting but that the money had effectually pleaded their cause.
+"Gentlemen," said M. Dugas, "I have weighed your reasons in the balance of
+justice, and I find them light. I do not think that the people ought to
+suffer under a pretence of the dearness of corn, which I know to be
+unfounded; and as to the purse of money that you left with me, I am sure
+that I have made such a generous and noble use of it as you yourself
+intended. I have distributed it among the poor objects of charity in our
+two hospitals. As you are opulent enough to make such large donations, I
+cannot possibly think that you can incur any loss in your business; and I
+shall, therefore, continue the price of bread as it was."
+
+
+Kosciusko.--The hero of Poland once wished to send some bottles of good
+wine to a clergyman at Solothurn; and as he hesitated to trust them by his
+servant, lest he should smuggle a part, he gave the commission to a young
+man of the name of Zeltner, and desired him to take the horse which he
+himself usually rode. On his return, young Zeltner said that he never would
+ride his horse again unless he gave him his purse at the same time.
+Kosciusko enquiring what he meant, he answered, "As soon as a poor man on
+the road takes off his hat and asks charity, the horse immediately stands
+still, and will not stir till something is given to the petitioner; and as
+I had no money about me, I was obliged to feign giving something, in order
+to satisfy the horse."
+
+
+Mysterious Benefactor.--In the year 1720, celebrated for the bursting of
+the South Sea Bubble, a gentleman called late in the evening at the banking
+house of Messrs. Hankey and Co. He was in a coach, but refused to get out,
+and desired that one of the partners of the house would come to him, into
+whose hands, when he appeared, he put a parcel, very carefully sealed up,
+and desired that it might be taken care of till he should call again. A few
+days passed away--a few weeks--a few months--but the stranger never
+returned. At the end of the second or third year the partners agreed to
+open this mysterious parcel, when they found it to contain L30,000, with a
+letter, stating that it had been obtained by the South Sea speculation, and
+directing that it should be vested in the hands of three trustees, whose
+names were mentioned, and the interest appropriated to the relief of the
+poor.
+
+
+
+
+DINNERS.
+
+
+Bannister.--Charles Bannister dining one day at the Turk's Head Tavern, was
+much annoyed by a gentleman in the adjoining box, who had just ordered fish
+for dinner, and was calling on the waiter for every species of fish sauce
+known to the most refined epicure. "Waiter," said he, "bring me anchovy
+sauce, and soy; and have you got Harvey's? and be sure you bring me
+Burgess's;--and waiter--do you hear?--don't omit the sauce _epicurienne_."
+How many more he would have enumerated it is difficult to say, had not
+Bannister stepped up to him, and bowing very politely, said, "Sir, I beg
+your pardon for thus interrupting you, but I see you are advertised for in
+the newspaper of this morning." "Me, sir, advertised for!" exclaimed the
+gentleman, half petrified with surprise; "pray, sir, what do you mean?"
+Bannister, taking the paper, pointed to an advertisement addressed to "The
+Curious in Fish Sauces." The gentleman felt the rebuke, sat down, and ate
+his dinner without further ceremony.
+
+
+A Christmas Pudding Extraordinary.--When the late Lord Paget was ambassador
+at Constantinople, he, with the rest of the gentlemen who were in a public
+capacity at the same court, determined one day when there was to be a grand
+banquet, to have each of them a dish dressed after the manner of their
+respective countries; and Lord Paget, for the honour of England, ordered a
+piece of _roast beef and a plum pudding_. The beef was easily cooked, but
+the court cooks not knowing how to make a plum pudding, he gave them a
+receipt:--"So many eggs, so much milk, so much flour, and a given quantity
+of raisins; to be beaten up together, and boiled so many hours in so many
+gallons of water." When dinner was served up, first came the French
+ambassador's dish--then that of the Spanish ambassador--and next, two
+fellows bearing an immense pan, and bawling, "_Room for the English
+ambassador's dish!_" "Confound my stupidity!" cried his lordship; "I forgot
+to tell them of the bag, and these stupid scoundrels have boiled it without
+one; and in five gallons of water too. It will be good plum broth,
+however!"
+
+
+Dr. Kirwan, the celebrated Irish chemist, having one day at dinner with him
+a party of friends, was descanting upon the antiseptic qualities of
+charcoal, and added, that if a quantity of pulverised charcoal were boiled
+together with tainted meat, it would remove all symptoms of putrescence,
+and render it perfectly sweet. Shortly afterwards, the doctor helped a
+gentleman to a slice of boiled leg of mutton, which was so far gone as to
+shed an odour not very agreeable to the noses of the company. The gentleman
+repeatedly turned it upon his plate, without venturing to taste it; and the
+doctor observing him, said, "Sir, perhaps you don't like mutton?" "Oh, yes,
+doctor," he replied, "I am very fond of mutton, but I do not think the cook
+has boiled charcoal enough with it."
+
+
+When the Archbishop of York sent Ben Jonson an excellent dish of fish from
+his dinner table, but without drink, he said,--
+
+    "In a dish came fish
+    From the arch-bis-
+    Hop was not there,
+    Because there was no _beer_."
+
+
+Poor-Man-of-Mutton is a term applied to a shoulder of mutton in Scotland
+after it has been served as a roast at dinner, and appears as a broiled
+bone at supper, or at the dinner next day. The late Earl of B., popularly
+known as "Old Rag," being indisposed at a hotel in London, one morning the
+landlord came to enumerate the good things in his larder, in order to
+prevail on his guest to eat something, when his lordship replied,
+"Landlord, I think I _could_ eat a morsel of a poor man;" which, with the
+extreme ugliness of his lordship's countenance, so terrified the landlord,
+that he fled from the room and tumbled down stairs, supposing the earl,
+when at home, was in the habit of eating a joint of a vassal, or tenant
+when his appetite was dainty.
+
+
+Swift.--A gentleman, at whose house Swift was dining in Ireland, after
+dinner introduced remarkably small hock glasses, and at length, turning to
+Swift, addressed him,--"Mr. Dean, I shall be happy to take a glass of hic,
+haec, hoc, with you." "Sir," rejoined the doctor, "I shall be happy to
+comply, but it must be out of a _hujus_ glass."
+
+
+Swift, having a shoulder of mutton too much done brought up for his dinner,
+sent for the cook, and told her to take the mutton down, and do it less.
+"Please your honour, I cannot do it less." "But," said the dean, "if it had
+not been done enough, you could have done it more, could you not?" "Oh,
+yes, sir, very easily." "Why, then," said the dean, "for the future, when
+you commit a fault, let it be such a one as can be mended."
+
+
+
+
+DOCTORS.
+
+
+Making Things Better.--A rich man sent to call a physician for a slight
+disorder. The physician felt his pulse, and said, "Do you eat well?" "Yes,"
+said the patient. "Do you sleep well?" "I do." "Oh, then," said the
+physician, "I must give you something to take away all that."
+
+
+Madame de Villecerf, who was brought to death in the flower of her age by
+the unskilfulness of her surgeon, comforted him thus: "I do not look upon
+you," she said, in dying, "as a person whose error has cost me my life, but
+as a benefactor, who hastens my entry into a happy immortality. As the
+world may judge otherwise, I have put you in a situation, by my will, to
+quit your profession."
+
+
+Willie Law, a half-witted man, was the descendant of an ancient family,
+nearly related to the famous John Law, of Lauriston, the celebrated
+financier of France. Willie on that account was often spoken to and taken
+notice of by gentlemen of distinction. Posting one day through Kirkaldy,
+with more than ordinary speed, he was met by Mr. Oswald, of Dunnikier, who
+asked him where he was going in such a hurry. "Going!" says Willie, with
+apparent surprise, "I'm gaen to my cousin Lord Elgin's burial." "Your
+cousin Lord Elgin's burial, you fool! Lord Elgin's not dead," replied Mr.
+Oswald. "Oh, never mind," quoth Willie; "there's six doctors out o'
+Edinbro' at him, and they'll hae him dead afore I get there."
+
+
+Physicians in China.--Caleb Colton, nephew of the late Sir George Staunton,
+gives in a recent publication the following anecdote:--"My late uncle, Sir
+G. Staunton, related to me a curious anecdote of old Kien Long, Emperor of
+China. He was inquiring of Sir George the manner in which physicians were
+paid in England. When, after some difficulty, his majesty was made to
+comprehend the system, he exclaimed, 'Is any man well in England that can
+afford to be ill? Now, I will inform you,' said he, 'how I manage my
+physicians. I have four, to whom the care of my health is committed: a
+certain weekly salary is allowed them; but the moment I am ill the salary
+stops till I am well again. I need not tell you that my illnesses are
+usually short.'"
+
+
+Zimmerman, who was very eminent as a physician, went from Hanover to attend
+Frederick the Great in his last illness. One day the king said to him, "You
+have, I presume, sir, helped many a man into another world?" This was
+rather a bitter pill for the doctor; but the dose he gave the king in
+return was a judicious mixture of truth and flattery: "Not so many as your
+majesty, nor with so much honour to myself."
+
+
+Montaigne, who is great upon doctors, used to beseech his friends that if
+he felt ill they would let him get a little stronger before sending for the
+doctor.
+
+
+Moliere, when once travelling through Auvergne, was taken very ill at a
+distance from any place where he could procure respectable medical aid. It
+was proposed to him to send for a celebrated physician at Clermont. "No,
+no," said he, "he is too great a man for me: go and bring me the village
+surgeon; he will not, perhaps, have the hardihood to kill me so soon."
+
+
+Louis XIV., who was a slave to his physicians, asked Moliere one day what
+he did with his doctor. "Oh, sire," said he, "when I am ill I send for him.
+He comes; we have a chat, and enjoy ourselves. He prescribes;--I don't take
+it, and I am cured."
+
+
+General Guise going over one campaign to Flanders, observed a raw young
+officer, who was in the same vessel with him, and with his usual humanity
+told him that he would take care of him, and conduct him to Antwerp, where
+they were both going, which he accordingly did, and then took leave of him.
+The young fellow was soon told by some arch rogues, whom he happened to
+fall in with, that he must signalise himself by fighting some man of known
+courage, or else he would soon be despised in the regiment. The young man
+said he knew no one but Colonel Guise, and he had received great
+obligations from him. "It is all one for that," said they, "in these cases.
+The Colonel is the fittest man in the world, as everybody knows his
+bravery." Soon afterwards the young officer accosted Colonel Guise, as he
+was walking up and down the coffee room, and began, in a hesitating manner,
+to tell him how much obliged he had been to him, and how sensible he was of
+his obligations. "Sir," replied Colonel Guise, "I have done my duty by you,
+and no more." "But Colonel," added the young officer, faltering, "I am told
+that I must fight some gentleman of known courage, and who has killed
+several persons, and that nobody"--"Oh, sir," interrupted the Colonel,
+"your friends do me too much honour; but there is a gentleman (pointing to
+a fierce-looking black fellow that was sitting at one of the tables) who
+has killed half the regiment, and who will suit you much better." The
+officer went up to him, and told him he had heard of his bravery, and that
+for that reason he must fight him. "Who?--I, sir?" said the gentleman;
+"why, I am the _apothecary_."
+
+
+Dr. Moore, author of "Zeluco," used to say that at least two-thirds of a
+physician's fees were for imaginary complaints. Among several instances of
+this nature, he mentions one of a clothier, who, after drinking the Bath
+waters, took it into his head to try Bristol hot wells. Previous, however,
+to his setting off, he requested his physician to favour him with a letter,
+stating his case to any brother doctor. This done, the patient got into a
+chaise and started. After proceeding half way, he felt curious to see the
+contents of the letter, and on opening it, read as follows:--"Dear
+Sir,--The bearer is a fat Wiltshire clothier: _make the most of him_." It
+is almost unnecessary to add that his cure was from that moment effected,
+as he ordered the chaise to turn, and immediately proceeded _home_.
+
+
+Sir Charles Wager had a sovereign contempt for physicians, though he
+believed a surgeon, in some cases, _might_ be of service. It happened that
+Sir Charles was seized with a fever while he was out upon a cruise, and the
+surgeon, without much difficulty, prevailed upon him to lose a little
+blood, and suffer a blister to be laid on his back. By-and-bye it was
+thought necessary to lay on another blister, and repeat the bleeding, to
+which Sir Charles also consented. The symptoms then abated, and the surgeon
+told him that he must now swallow a few bolusses, and take a draught. "No,
+no, doctor," says Sir Charles, "you shall batter my hulk as long as you
+will, but depend on it, you shan't _board_ me."
+
+
+Nash and the Doctor.--When the celebrated Beau Nash was ill, Dr. Cheyne
+wrote a prescription for him. The next day, the doctor coming to see his
+patient, inquired if he had followed his prescription? "No, truly, doctor,"
+said Nash; "if I had, I should have broken my neck, for I threw it out of a
+two-pair-of-stairs window."
+
+
+Gin _versus_ Medicine.--The celebrated Dr. Ward was not more remarkable for
+humanity and skill than for wit and humour. An old woman, to whom he had
+administered some medicines proper for a disorder under which she laboured,
+applied to him, with a complaint that she had not experienced any kind of
+effect from taking them. "No effect at all?" said the doctor. "None in the
+least," replied the woman. "Why, then you should have taken a bumping glass
+of gin." "So I did, sir." "Well, but when you found that did not succeed,
+you should have taken another." "So I did, sir; and another after that."
+"Oh, you did?" said the doctor; "aye, aye, it is just as I imagined: you
+complain that you found no effect from my prescription, and you confess
+yourself that you swallowed gin enough to counteract any medicine in the
+whole system of physic."
+
+
+Abernethy.--A Chancery barrister having been for a long while annoyed by an
+irritable ulcer on one of his legs, called upon Mr. Abernethy for the
+purpose of obtaining that gentleman's advice. The counsellor judging of an
+ulcer as of a brief, that it must be seen before its nature could be
+understood, was busily employed in removing his stocking and bandages, when
+Mr. Abernethy abruptly advanced towards him, and exclaimed in a stentorian
+voice, "Halloo! what are you about there? Put out your tongue, man! Aye,
+there 'tis--I see it--I'm satisfied. Quite enough;--shut up your leg,
+man--shut it up--shut it up! Go home and read my book, p.--, and take one
+of the pills there mentioned every night on going to bed." The lawyer
+handed over the fee, and was about to leave the room, when Mr. A. thus
+accosted him: "Why, look here;--this is but a shilling!" The barrister
+sarcastically replied, "Aye, there 'tis--I see it--I'm satisfied. Quite
+enough, man;--shut it up--shut it up!" and hastily decamped from the room.
+
+
+A lady, who had received a severe bite in her arm from a dog, went to Mr.
+Abernethy, but knowing his aversion to hearing any statement of
+particulars, she merely uncovered the injured part, and held it before him
+in silence. After looking at it an instant, he said in an inquiring tone,
+"Scratch?" "Bite," replied the lady. "Cat?" asked the doctor. "Dog,"
+rejoined the patient. So delighted was Mr. A. with the brevity and
+promptness of her answers, that he exclaimed, "Zounds, madam! you are the
+most sensible woman I ever met with in my life."
+
+
+Astley Cooper.--Probably no surgeon of ancient or modern times enjoyed a
+greater share of reputation during his life than fell to the lot of Sir
+Astley, and that in all parts of the world. We cannot give a better example
+of this than the fact of his signature being received as a passport among
+the mountains of Biscay by the wild followers of Don Carlos. A young
+English surgeon, seeking for employment, was carried as a prisoner before
+Zumalacarrequi, who demanded what testimonials he had of his calling or his
+qualifications. Our countryman presented his diploma of the College of
+Surgeons, and the name of Astley Paston Cooper, which was attached to it,
+no sooner struck the eye of the Carlist leader, than he at once received
+his prisoner with friendship, and appointed him a surgeon in his army.
+
+
+
+
+THE DRAMA--ACTORS, ETC.
+
+
+Shaving a Queen.--For some time after the restoration of Charles the
+Second, young smooth-faced men performed the women's parts on the stage.
+That monarch, coming before his usual time to hear Shakspeare's Hamlet,
+sent the Earl of Rochester to know the reason of the delay; who brought
+word back, that the queen was not quite shaved. "Ods fish" (his usual
+expression), "I beg her majesty's pardon! we will wait till her barber is
+done with her."
+
+
+Liston, in his early career, was a favourite at Newcastle-upon-Tyne, and
+having applied to the manager for a remuneration equal to the increased
+value of his services, he refused the request, adding, "If you are
+dissatisfied you are welcome to leave me; such actors as you, sir, are to
+be found in every bush." On the evening of the day when this colloquy
+occurred, the manager was driving to another town, where he intended "to
+carry on the war," when he perceived Liston standing in the middle of a
+hedge by the road-side. "Good heavens! Liston," cried the manager, "what
+are you doing there?" "Only looking for some of the actors you told me of
+this morning," was the reply.
+
+
+Good-natured Author.--The late M. Segur, among other literary productions,
+supplied the French theatres with a number of pleasing trifles. If he was
+not always successful, he was at least always gay in his reverses. When his
+works were ill received by the public, he consoled himself for a failure by
+a bon-mot; he made even a point of consoling his companions in misfortune.
+A piece of his was once brought forward called the _Yellow Cabriolet_,
+which happened to be condemned on the first representation. Some days
+afterwards a piece, by another author, was presented, which was equally
+unfortunate. The author, petrified at his failure, stood for a moment
+immoveable. "Come, come, my dear sir," said M. Segur, "don't be cast down,
+I will give you a seat in my _Yellow Cabriolet_."
+
+
+A Heavy Play.--When Sir Charles Sedley's comedy of "Bellamira" was
+performed, the roof of the theatre fell down, by which, however, few people
+were hurt except the author. This occasioned Sir Fleetwood Shepherd to say,
+"There was so much fire in his play, that it blew up the poet, house and
+all." "No," replied the good-natured author, "the play was so heavy, that
+it broke down the house, and buried the poor poet in his own rubbish."
+
+
+Monsieur de la Motte, soon after the representation of his "Ines de
+Castro," which was very successful, although much censured by the press,
+was sitting one day in a coffee-house, when he heard several of the critics
+abusing his play. Finding that he was unknown to them, he joined heartily
+in abusing it himself. At length, after a great many sarcastic remarks, one
+of them, yawning, said, "Well, what shall we do with ourselves this
+evening?" "Why, suppose," said de la Motte, "we go to the _seventy-second_
+representation of this bad play."
+
+
+The Sailor and the Actress.--"When I was a poor girl," said the Duchess of
+St. Albans, "working very hard for my thirty shillings a week, I went down
+to Liverpool during the holidays, where I was always kindly received. I was
+to perform in a new piece, something like those pretty little dramas they
+get up now at our minor theatres; and in my character I represented a poor,
+friendless orphan girl, reduced to the most wretched poverty. A heartless
+tradesman prosecutes the sad heroine for a heavy debt, and insists on
+putting her in prison unless some one will be bail for her. The girl
+replies, 'Then I have no hope, I have not a friend in the world.' 'What?
+will no one be bail for you, to save you from prison?' asks the stern
+creditor. 'I have told you I have not a friend on earth,' is the reply. But
+just as I was uttering the words, I saw a sailor in the upper gallery
+springing over the railing, letting himself down from one tier to another,
+until he bounded clear over the orchestra and footlights, and placed
+himself beside me in a moment.' Yes, you shall have _one_ friend at least,
+my poor young woman,' said he, with the greatest expression in his honest,
+sunburnt countenance; 'I will go bail for you to any amount. And as for
+_you_ (turning to the frightened actor), if you don't bear a hand, and
+shift your moorings, you lubber, it will be worse for you when I come
+athwart your bows.' Every creature in the house rose; the uproar was
+perfectly indescribable; peals of laughter, screams of terror, cheers from
+his tawny messmates in the gallery, preparatory scrapings of violins from
+the orchestra, were mingled together; and amidst the universal din there
+stood the unconscious cause of it, sheltering me, 'the poor, distressed
+young woman,' and breathing defiance and destruction against my mimic
+persecutor. He was only persuaded to relinquish his care of me by the
+manager pretending to arrive and rescue me, with a profusion of theatrical
+banknotes."
+
+
+Kean.--In the second year of Kean's London triumph, an elderly lady, whose
+sympathy had been excited by his forlorn condition in boyhood, but who had
+lost sight of him in his wanderings till his sudden starting into fame
+astonished the world, was induced, on renewing their acquaintance, to pay a
+visit of some days to him and Mrs. Kean, at their residence in
+Clarges-street. She made no secret of her intention to evince the interest
+she felt in his welfare by a considerable bequest in her will; but, on
+accompanying Mrs. K. to the theatre to see Kean perform _Luke_, she was so
+appalled by the cold-blooded villany of the character, that, attributing
+the skill of the actor to the actual possession of the fiendlike
+attributes, her regard was turned into suspicion and distrust. She left
+London the next day, and dying soon afterwards, it appeared that she had
+altered her testamentary disposition of her property, which had once been
+made in Kean's favour, and bequeathed the sum originally destined for him
+to a distant relative, of whom she knew nothing but by name.
+
+
+Mimic Reclaimed.--In the beginning of the last century, a comedian of the
+name of Griffin, celebrated for his talents as a mimic, was employed by a
+comic author to imitate the personal peculiarities of the celebrated Dr.
+Woodward, whom he intended to be introduced in a comedy as _Dr. Fossil_.
+The mimic, dressed as a countryman, waited on the doctor with a long
+catalogue of complaints with which he said his wife was afflicted. The
+physician heard with amazement diseases and pains of the most opposite
+nature, repeated and redoubled on the wretched patient. The actor having
+thus detained the doctor until he thought himself completely master of his
+errand, presented him with a guinea as his fee. "Put up thy money, poor
+fellow," cried the doctor, "thou hast need of all thy cash, and all thy
+patience, too, with such a bundle of diseases tied to thy back." The mimic
+returned to his employer, who was in raptures at his success, until he told
+him that he would sooner die than prostitute his talents to render such
+genuine humanity food for diversion.
+
+
+Senesino and Farinelli, when in England together, being engaged at
+different theatres on the same night, had not an opportunity of hearing
+each other, till, by one of those sudden revolutions which frequently
+happen, yet are always unexpected, they were both employed to sing on the
+same stage. Senesino had the part of a furious tyrant to represent and
+Farinelli that of an unfortunate hero in chains; but in the course of the
+very first song, the latter so softened the heart of the enraged tyrant,
+that Senesino, forgetting his assumed character, ran to Farinelli and
+embraced him.
+
+
+Weeping at a Play.--It is a prevailing folly to be ashamed to shed a tear
+at any part of a tragedy, however affecting. "The reason," says the
+Spectator, "is, that persons think it makes them look ridiculous, by
+betraying the weakness of their nature. But why may not nature show itself
+in tragedy, as well as in comedy or farce? We see persons not ashamed to
+laugh loudly at the humour of a Falstaff,--or the tricks of a harlequin;
+and why should not the tear be equally allowed to flow for the misfortunes
+of a Juliet, or the forlornness of an Ophelia?" Sir Richard Steele records
+on this subject a saying of Mr. Wilks the actor, as just as it was polite.
+Being told in the green-room that there was a general in the boxes weeping
+for Juliana, he observed with a smile, "_And I warrant you, sir, he'll
+fight ne'er the worse for that_."
+
+
+Dramatic Effect.--It is related in the annals of the stage, as a remarkable
+instance of the force of imagination, that when Banks's play of the _Earl
+of Essex_ was performed, a soldier, who stood sentinel on the stage,
+entered so deeply into the distress of the scene, that in the delusion of
+his imagination, upon the Countess of Nottingham's denying the receipt of
+the ring which Essex had sent by her to the queen to claim a promise of
+favour, he exclaimed, "'Tis false! she has it in her bosom;" and
+immediately seized the mock countess to make her deliver it up.
+
+
+Charles Hulet, a comedian of some celebrity in the early part of the last
+century, was an apprentice to a bookseller. After reading plays in his
+master's shop, he used to repeat the speeches in the kitchen, in the
+evening, to the destruction of many a chair, which he substituted in the
+room of the real persons in the drama. One night, as he was repeating the
+part of Alexander, with his wooden representative of Clitus, (an elbow
+chair), and coming to the speech where the old general is to be killed,
+this young mock Alexander snatched a poker, instead of a javelin, and threw
+it with such strength, against poor Clitus, that the chair was killed upon
+the spot, and lay mangled on the floor. The death of Clitus made a
+monstrous noise, which disturbed the master in the parlour, who called out
+to know the reason; and was answered by the cook below, "Nothing, sir, but
+that Alexander has killed Clitus."
+
+
+Goldsmith's Marlow.--Mr. Lewis Grummit, an eminent grazier of Lincolnshire,
+met late one night a commercial traveller who had mistaken his road, and
+inquired the way to the nearest inn or public house. Mr. G. replied, that
+as he was a stranger, he would show him the way to a quiet respectable
+house of public entertainment for man and horse; and took him to his own
+residence. The traveller, by the perfect ease and confidence of his manner,
+shewed the success of his host's stratagem; and every thing that he called
+for, was instantly provided for himself and his horse. In the morning he
+called, in an authoritative tone, for his bill, and the hospitable landlord
+had all the recompense he desired in the surprise and altered manners of
+his guest. It was from this incident that Dr. Goldsmith took the hint of
+Marlow mistaking the house of Mr. Hardcastle for an inn, in the comedy of
+"_She Stoops to Conquer_."
+
+
+Mr. Quick, while performing the part of Romeo, was seized with an
+involuntary fit of laughter, which subjected him to the severe rebuke of
+his auditors. It happened in the scene of Romeo and the apothecary, who,
+going for the phial of poison, found it broken; not to detain the scene, he
+snatched, in a hurry, a pot of soft pomatum. Quick was no sooner presented
+with it, than he fell into a convulsive fit of laughter. But, being soon
+recalled to a sense of his duty by the reproofs of the audience, he came
+forward and made the following whimsical apology:--"Ladies and gentlemen, I
+could not resist the idea that struck me when the pot of pomatum, instead
+of the phial of poison, was presented. Had he at the same time given me a
+tea-spoon, it would not have been so improper; for the poison might have
+been made up as a lenitive electuary. But, if you please, ladies and
+gentlemen, we will begin the scene again without laughing."
+
+
+Garrick and Rich.--Soon after the appearance of Garrick at the theatre of
+Drury Lane, to which he, by his astonishing powers, brought all the world,
+while Mr. Rich was playing his pantomimes at Covent Garden to empty
+benches, he and Mr. Garrick happened to meet one morning at the Bedford
+coffee-house. Having fallen into conversation, Garrick asked the Covent
+Garden manager, how much his house would hold, when crowded with company.
+"Why, master," said Rich, "I cannot well tell; but if you will come and
+play Richard for one night, I shall be able to give an account."
+
+
+Morand, author of _Le Capricieuse_, was in a box of the theatre during the
+first representation of that comedy; the pit loudly expressing
+disapprobation at the extravagance and improbability of some traits in this
+character, the author became impatient; he put his head out of the box, and
+called, "Know, gentlemen, that this is the very picture of my
+mother-in-law. What do you say now?"
+
+
+Foote, on his last journey to France for the recovery of his health, while
+waiting for the packet, entered the kitchen of the Ship tavern at Dover,
+and, addressing the cook, who prided herself in never having been ten miles
+out of town, exclaimed, "Why, cookee, I understand you have been a great
+traveller." She denying the charge, Foote replied, "Why, they tell me up
+stairs that you have been all over _Grease_, and I am sure I have seen you
+myself at _Spithead_."
+
+
+A person talking to Foote of an acquaintance of his, who was so avaricious
+as even to lament the prospect of his funeral expences, though a short time
+before he had been censuring one of his own relations for his parsimonious
+temper--"Now is it not strange," continued he, "that this man would not
+remove the beam from his own eye, before he attempted to take the mote out
+of other peoples?" "Why, so I dare say he would," cried Foote, "if he were
+sure of selling the timber."
+
+
+
+
+DUTY.
+
+
+General Mackenzie, when commander-in-chief of the Chatham division of
+marines, during the late war, was very rigid as to duty; and, among other
+regulations, would suffer no officer to be saluted on guard if out of his
+uniform. It one day happened that the general observed a lieutenant of
+marines in a plain dress, and, though he knew the young officer quite
+intimately, he called to the sentinel to turn him out. The officer appealed
+to the general, saying who he was; "I know you not," said the general;
+"turn him out." A short time after, the general had been at a small
+distance from Chatham, to pay a visit, and returning in the evening in a
+blue coat, claimed entrance at the yard gate. The sentinel demanded the
+countersign, which the general not knowing, desired the officer of the
+guard to be sent for, who proved to be the lieutenant whom the general had
+treated so cavalierly.--"Who are you?" inquired the officer.--"I am General
+Mackenzie," was the reply.--"What, without an uniform?" rejoined the
+lieutenant; "oh, get back, get back, impostor; the general would break your
+bones if he knew you assumed his name." The general on this made his
+retreat; and the next day, inviting the young officer to breakfast, told
+him--"He had done his duty with very commendable exactness."
+
+
+Morvilliers, keeper of the seals to Charles the Ninth of France, was one
+day ordered by his sovereign to put the seals to the pardon of a nobleman
+who had committed murder. He refused. The king then took the seals out of
+his hands, and having put them himself to the instrument of remission,
+returned them immediately to Morvilliers, who refused to take them again,
+saying, "The seals have twice put me in a situation of great honour: once
+when I received them, and again when I resigned them."
+
+
+Louis the Fourteenth had granted a pardon to a nobleman who had committed
+some very great crime. M. Voisin, the chancellor, ran to him in his
+closet, and exclaimed, "Sire, you cannot pardon a person in the situation
+of Mr. ----." "I have promised him," replied the king, who was always
+impatient of contradiction; "go and fetch the great seal." "But sire--."
+"Pray, sir, do as I order you." The chancellor returned with the seals;
+Louis applied them himself to the instrument containing the pardon, and
+gives them again to the chancellor. "They are polluted, now, sire,"
+exclaimed the intrepid and excellent magistrate, pushing them from him on
+the table, "I cannot take them again." "What an impracticable man!" cried
+the monarch, and threw the pardon into the fire. "I will now, sire, take
+them again," said the chancellor; "fire purifies all things."
+
+
+
+
+FIDELITY.
+
+
+Old Ambrose.--Among the few individuals who accompanied James II. to
+France, when he was dethroned, was Madame de Varonne, a lady of good
+family, but of ruined fortune. She was compelled to part with all her
+servants successively, until she came to her footman, Ambrose, who had
+lived with her twenty years; and who, although of an austere deportment,
+was a faithful and valuable servant. At length her resources would not
+permit her to retain even Ambrose, and she told him he must seek another
+place. "Another place!" exclaimed the astonished servant; "No; I will never
+quit you, let what will happen; I will live and die in your service." In
+vain was Ambrose told by his mistress that she was totally ruined; that she
+had sold every thing she had, and that she had no other means of
+subsistence than by seeking some employment for herself. Ambrose protested
+he would not quit his mistress; he brought her his scanty savings of twenty
+years, and engaged himself to a brazier for tenpence a day and his board.
+The money he brought every evening to his mistress, whom he thus supported
+for four years; at the end of which time she received a pension from the
+French king, which enabled her to reward the remarkable fidelity of her old
+servant.
+
+
+The Kennedies.--Mr. Pennant, in his Tour in Scotland, relates the following
+circumstance, which shows that a sense of honour may prevail in those who
+have little regard to moral obligation:--After the battle of Culloden, in
+the year 1745, a reward of thirty thousand pounds was offered to any one
+who should discover or deliver up the young Pretender. He had taken refuge
+with the Kennedies, two common thieves, who protected him with the greatest
+fidelity, robbed for his support, and often went in disguise to Inverness
+to purchase provisions for him. A considerable time afterwards one of these
+men, who had resisted the temptation of thirty thousand pounds from a
+regard to his honour, was hanged for stealing a cow of the value of thirty
+shillings.
+
+
+A young woman, named La Blonde, was in the service of M. Migeon, a furrier,
+in the Rue St. Honore, in Paris; this tradesman, though embarrassed in his
+affairs, was not deserted by his faithful domestic, who remained at his
+house without receiving any salary. Migeon, some years afterwards died,
+leaving a wife and two young children without the means of support. The
+cares of La Blonde were now transferred to the assistance of the distressed
+family of her deceased master, for whose support she expended fifteen
+hundred francs, the fruit of her labour, as well as the produce of rent
+from her small patrimony. From time to time this worthy servant was offered
+other situations, but to all such offers she replied by the inquiry, "Who
+will take care of this family if I desert them?" At length the widow
+Migeon, overcome with grief, became seriously ill. La Blonde passed her
+days in comforting her dying mistress, and at night went to take care of
+the sick, in order to have the means of relieving her wants. The widow
+Migeon died on the 28th of April, 1787. Some persons then proposed to La
+Blonde to send the two little orphans to the poor house; but the generous
+girl, indignant at this proposition, replied, "that at Ruel, her native
+country, her two hundred livres of rent would suffice for their subsistence
+and her own."
+
+
+A Faithful Depositary.--Under the ministry of Neckar in France, the
+receiver of taxes at Roye, in Picardy, had the misfortune to have his
+premises burnt,--cattle, furniture, and every thing became the prey of the
+flames, except two thousand livres of the king's money, the produce of the
+taxes which he had collected. These the courageous man rescued from the
+flames, and the next day lodged them in the hands of the provincial
+director. When Neckar was apprised of the fact, he laid it before the king,
+and afterwards wrote to the receiver with his own hand as follows: "His
+Majesty having been informed of the circumstance of your loss, and being
+pleased with the conduct you have displayed, returns you the 2000 livres,
+which he desires you will keep as a testimony of his esteem."
+
+
+
+
+FONTENELLE.
+
+
+A Reproof.--Two youngsters once asked Fontenelle whether it was more
+correct to say, _donnez-nous a boire_, (give us to drink), or
+_apportez-nous a boire_, (bring us drink). The academician replied, "That
+both were unappropriate in their mouths; and that the proper term for such
+fellows as they was _menez-nous a boire_, lead us to drink."
+
+
+Fontenelle was once staying with his nephew, M. Aube, and had the
+misfortune to let a spark fall upon his clothes, which set fire to the bed,
+and eventually to the room. M. Aube was extremely angry with his uncle, and
+shewed him what precautions he ought to have taken to prevent such an
+accident. "My dear nephew," replied Fontenelle, calmly, "when I set fire to
+your house again, depend upon it I will act differently."
+
+
+Fontenelle, being praised for the clearness of his style on the deepest
+subjects, said, "If I have any merit, it is that I have always endeavoured
+to understand myself."
+
+
+The conversation turning one day, in the presence of Fontenelle, on the
+marks of originality in the works of Father Castel, well known to the
+scientific world for his "Vrai Systeme de Physique generale de Newton;"
+some person observed, "but he is mad." "I know it," returned Fontenelle,
+"and I am very sorry for it, for it is a great pity. But I like him better
+for being original and a little mad, than I should if he were in his senses
+without being original."
+
+
+
+
+FOOLS.
+
+
+Triboulet, the fool of Francis the First, was threatened with death by a
+man in power, of whom he had been speaking disrespectfully; and he applied
+to the king for protection. "Be satisfied," said the king: "if any man
+should put you to death, I will order him to be hanged a quarter of an hour
+after." "Ah, sir!" replied Triboulet, "I should be much obliged if your
+majesty would order him to be hanged a quarter of an hour before!"
+
+
+Dr. Gregory, professor of the practice of physic at Edinburgh, was one of
+the first to enrol himself in the Royal Edinburgh Volunteers, when that
+corps was raised. So anxious was he to make himself master of military
+tactics, that he not only paid the most punctual attendance on all the
+regimental field-days, but studied at home for several hours a day, under
+the serjeant-major of the regiment. On one of these occasions the serjeant,
+out of all temper at the awkwardness of his learned pupil, exclaimed in a
+rage, "Why, sir, I would rather teach ten fools than one philosopher."
+
+
+James I. gave all manner of liberty and encouragement to the exercise of
+buffoonery, and took great delight in it himself. Happening once to bear
+somewhat hard on one of his Scotch courtiers, "By my saul," returns the
+peer, "he that made your majesty a king, spoiled the best fool in
+Christendom."
+
+
+
+
+FORGIVENESS.
+
+
+French Curate.--During the French revolution, the inhabitants of a village
+in Dauphine had determined on sacrificing their lord to their revenge, and
+were only dissuaded from it by the eloquence of the cure, who thus
+addressed them:--"My friends," said he, "the day of vengeance is arrived;
+the individual who has so long tyrannized over you must now suffer his
+merited punishment. As the care of this flock has been entrusted to me, it
+behoves me to watch over their best interests, nor will I forsake their
+righteous cause. Suffer me only to be your leader, and swear to me that in
+all circumstances you will follow my example." All the villagers swore they
+would. "And," continues he, "you will further solemnly promise to enter
+into any engagement which I may now make, and to remain faithful to this
+your oath." All the villagers exclaimed, "We do." "Well then," said he,
+solemnly taking the oath, "I swear to forgive our lord." Unexpected as this
+was, the villagers kept their word and forgave him.
+
+
+The Duke of Orleans, on being appointed Regent of France, insisted on
+possessing the power of pardoning. "I have no objection," said he, "to have
+my hands tied from doing harm, but I will have them left free to do good."
+
+
+Abon Hannifah, chief of a Turkish sect, once received a blow in the face
+from a ruffian, and rebuked him in these terms, not unworthy of Christian
+imitation: "If I were vindictive, I should return you outrage for outrage;
+if I were an informer, I should accuse you before the caliph: but I prefer
+putting up a prayer to God, that in the day of judgment he will cause me to
+enter paradise with you."
+
+
+Alphonsus, King of Naples and Sicily, so celebrated in history for his
+clemency, was once asked why he was so forgiving to all men, even to those
+most notoriously wicked? "Because," answered he, "good men are won by
+justice; the bad by clemency." When some of his ministers complained to him
+on another occasion of his lenity, which they were pleased to say was more
+than became a prince: "What, then," exclaimed he, "would you have lions and
+tigers to reign over you? It is for wild beasts to scourge; but for man to
+forgive."
+
+
+Van Dyke.--"When any one commits an offence against me," this painter used
+to say, "I try to raise my soul so high that the offence shall not be able
+to reach up to it."
+
+
+Marie Antoinette.--On the elevation of this princess to the throne after
+the death of Louis XV., an officer of the body-guard, who had given her
+offence on some former occasion, expressed his intention of resigning his
+commission; but the queen forbade him. "Remain," said she, "forget the past
+as I forgive it. Far be it from the Queen of France to revenge the injuries
+of the Dauphiness."
+
+
+
+
+FRIENDS.
+
+
+Friends and Hares.--The Duke of Longueville's reply, when it was observed
+to him that the gentlemen bordering on his estates were continually hunting
+upon them, and that he ought not to suffer it, is worthy of imitation: "I
+had much rather," answered the duke, "have friends than hares."
+
+
+Henri IV. once reproached M. d'Aubigne for continuing his friendship for M.
+de la Tremouille, who had recently been banished from court. D'Aubigne
+replied--"As M. de la Tremouille is so unfortunate as to have lost the
+confidence of his master, he may well be allowed to retain that of his
+friend."
+
+
+
+
+GRATITUDE.
+
+
+Curran says, "when a boy, I was one morning playing at marbles in the
+village ball alley, with a light heart and lighter pocket. The gibe and
+the jest went gaily round, when suddenly there appeared amongst us a
+stranger, of a very remarkable and very cheerful aspect; his intrusion was
+not the least restraint upon our merry little assemblage, on the contrary,
+he seemed pleased, and even delighted; he was a benevolent creature, and
+the days of infancy (after all the happiest we shall ever see), perhaps
+rose upon his memory. God bless him! I see his fine form, at the distance
+of half a century, just as he stood before me in the little ball-alley in
+the days of my childhood. His name was Dr. Boyse. He took a particular
+fancy to me. I was winning, and was full of waggery, thinking every thing
+that was eccentric, and by no means a miser of my eccentricities; every one
+was welcome to a share of them, and I had plenty to spare after having
+freighted the company. Some sweetmeats easily bribed me home with him. I
+learned from poor Boyse my alphabet and my grammar, and the rudiments of
+the classics. He taught me all he could, and then sent me to the school at
+Middleton. In short, he made a man of me. I recollect it was about five and
+thirty years afterwards, when I had risen to some eminence at the bar, and
+when I had a seat in parliament, on my return one day from court, I found
+an old gentleman seated alone in my drawing-room, his feet familiarly
+placed, on each side of the Italian marble chimney-piece, and his whole air
+bespeaking the consciousness of one quite at home. He turned round--_it was
+my friend of the ball-alley_. I rushed instinctively into his arms, and
+burst into tears. Words cannot describe the scene which followed:--"You are
+right, sir; you are right. The chimney-piece is your's--the pictures are
+your's--the house is your's. You gave me all I have--my friend--my
+father--my benefactor!" He dined with me; and in the evening I caught the
+tear glistening in his fine blue eye, when he saw poor little Jack, the
+creature of his bounty, rising in the House of Commons, to reply to a
+_Right_ Honourable. Poor Boyse! he is now gone; and no suitor had a larger
+deposit of practical benevolence in the Court above. This is his wine--let
+us drink to his memory."
+
+
+
+
+GHOSTS.
+
+
+Bishop Fowler, of Gloucester, and Justice Powell, had frequent altercations
+on the subject of ghosts. The bishop was a zealous defender of the reality
+of them; the justice was somewhat sceptical. The bishop one day met his
+friend, and the justice told him that since their last conference on the
+subject, he had had ocular demonstration, which had convinced him of the
+existence of ghosts. "I rejoice at your conversion," replied the bishop;
+"give me the circumstance which produced it, with all the particulars:--
+ocular demonstration, you say?"--"Yes, my lord; as I lay last night in my
+bed, about the twelfth hour, I was awakened by an extraordinary noise, and
+heard something coming up stairs!"--"Go on, sir."--"Fearfully alarmed at
+the noise, I drew my curtain--." "Proceed."--"And saw a faint glimmering
+light enter my chamber."--"Of a blue colour, was it not?" interrogated the
+doctor.--"Of a pale blue! and this pale blue light was followed by a tall,
+meagre, stern figure, who appeared as an old man of seventy years of age,
+arrayed in a long light coloured rug gown, bound with a leathern girdle:
+his beard thick and grisly; his hair scant and straight; his face of a dark
+sable hue; upon his head a large fur cap; and in his hand a long staff.
+Terror seized my whole frame. I trembled till the bed shook, and cold drops
+hung upon every limb. The figure advanced with a slow and solemn
+step."--"Did you not speak to it? there was money hid, or murder committed,
+without doubt," said the bishop.--"My lord, I did speak to it; I adjured it
+by all that was holy to tell me whence, and for what purpose it thus
+appeared."--"And in heaven's name what was the reply?"--"Before he deigned
+to speak, he lifted up his staff three several times, my lord, and smote
+the floor, even so loudly that verily the strokes caused the room to
+reverberate the thundering sound. He then waved the pale blue light which
+he bore in what is called a lantern, he waved it even to my eyes; and he
+told me, my lord, he told me that he was--yes, my lord--that he was--not
+more nor less than--_the watchman!_ who had come to give me notice that my
+street-door was open, and that unless I rose and shut it, I might be robbed
+before morning." The justice had no sooner concluded, than the bishop
+disappeared.
+
+
+
+
+HEROISM.
+
+
+A Dieppe Pilot.--In August, 1777, a vessel from Rochelle, laden with salt,
+and manned by eight hands, with two passengers on board, was discovered
+making for the pier of Dieppe. The wind was at the time so high, and the
+sea so boisterous, that a coasting pilot made four fruitless attempts to
+get out, and conduct the vessel into port. Boussard, a bold and intrepid
+pilot, perceiving that the helmsman was ignorant of his dangerous position,
+endeavoured to direct him by a speaking trumpet and signals; but the
+captain could neither see nor hear, on account of the darkness of the
+night, the roaring of the winds, and the tremendous swell of the sea. The
+vessel in the meantime grounded on a flinty bottom, at a short distance
+from the advanced jetty. Boussard, touched with the cries of the
+unfortunate crew, resolved to spring to their assistance, in spite of every
+remonstrance, and the apparent impossibility of success. Having tied one
+end of a rope round his waist, and fastened the other to the jetty, he
+plunged headlong into the raging deep. When he had got very near the ship,
+a wave carried him off, and dashed him on shore. Several times was he thus
+repulsed, rolled upon flinty stones, and covered with the wreck of the
+vessel, which the fury of the waves was tearing rapidly to pieces. He did
+not however give up his attempt. A wave now threw him under the vessel, and
+he was given up for lost, but he quickly emerged, holding in his arms a
+sailor, who had been washed overboard. He brought him on shore motionless
+and just expiring. In short, after an infinity of efforts and struggles, he
+reached the wreck, and threw the rope on board. All who had strength enough
+to avail themselves of this assistance, were successively dragged to land.
+Boussard, who imagined he had now saved all the crew, worn down by
+fatigue, and smarting from his wounds and bruises, walked with great
+difficulty to the light-house, where he fainted through exhaustion.
+Assistance being procured, he quickly recovered. On hearing that cries
+still issued from the wreck, he once more collected the little strength he
+had left, rushed from the arms of his friends, plunged again into the sea,
+and had the good fortune to save the life of one of the passengers, who was
+lashed to the wreck, and who had been unable before to profit by the means
+of escape.
+
+Mons. de Crosne, the Intendant of Rouen, having stated these circumstances
+to M. Neckar, then director-general of the finances, he immediately
+addressed the following letter to Boussard, in his own hand-writing:--
+"Brave man, I was not apprized by the Intendant till the day before
+yesterday, of the gallant deed achieved by you on the 31st of August.
+Yesterday I reported it to his majesty, who was pleased to enjoin me to
+communicate to you his satisfaction, and to acquaint you, that he presents
+you with one thousand livres, by way of present, and an annual pension of
+three hundred livres. Continue to succour others when you have it in your
+power; and pray for your king, who loves and recompenses the brave."
+
+
+Italian Peasant.--A great inundation having taken place in the north of
+Italy, owing to an excessive fall of snow in the Alps, followed by a speedy
+thaw, the river Adige carried off a bridge near Verona, all except the
+middle part, on which was the house of the toll-gatherer, who thus, with
+his whole family, remained imprisoned by the waves, and in momentary danger
+of destruction. They were discovered from the bank, stretching forth their
+hands, screaming, and imploring succour, while fragments of the only
+remaining arch were continually dropping into the water. In this extreme
+danger, a nobleman who was present, a Count of Pulverino, held out a purse
+of a hundred sequins, as a reward to any adventurer who would take a boat
+and deliver this unhappy family. But the danger of being borne down by the
+rapidity of the current, or of being dashed against a fragment of the
+bridge, was so great, that no one in the vast number of spectators had
+courage enough to attempt the exploit. A peasant passing along enquired
+what was going on, and was informed of the circumstances. Immediately
+jumping into a boat, he, by strength of oars, gained the middle of the
+river, brought his boat under the pile, and the whole family safely
+descended by means of a rope. By a still more strenuous effort, and great
+strength of arm, he brought the boat and family to shore. "Brave fellow!"
+exclaimed the count, handing the purse to him, "here is your recompense."
+"I shall never expose my life for money," answered the peasant; "my labour
+is a sufficient livelihood for myself, my wife, and children. Give the
+purse to this poor family, who have lost their all."
+
+This incident has been admirably worked up in a German ballad by Buerger
+(see the "Song of the Brave Man," in "Popular Ballads.")
+
+
+Countess de St. Belmont.--When M. de St. Belmont, who defended a feeble
+fortress against the arms of Louis XIV., was taken prisoner, his wife, the
+Comtesse de St. Belmont, who was of a most heroic disposition, still
+remained upon the estates to take care of them. An officer of cavalry
+having taken up his quarters there without invitation, Madame de St.
+Belmont sent him a very civil letter of complaint on his ill behaviour,
+which he treated with contempt. Piqued at this, she resolved he should give
+her satisfaction, and sent him a challenge, which she signed "Le Chevalier
+de St. Belmont." The officer accepted it, and repaired to the place
+appointed. Madame de St. Belmont met him, dressed in men's clothes. They
+immediately drew their swords, and the heroine had the advantage of him;
+when, after disarming him, she said, with a gracious smile, "You thought,
+sir, I doubt not, that you were fighting with the Chevalier de St. Belmont;
+it is, however, Madame de St. Belmont, who returns you your sword, and begs
+you in future to pay more regard to the requests of ladies." She then left
+him, covered with shame and confusion.
+
+
+French Peasant Girl.--One evening early in 1858, Melanie Robert, daughter
+of a small farmer, near Corbeil, was proceeding to Essonnes, when a man
+armed with a stout stick suddenly presented himself, and summoned her to
+give up her money. Pretending to be greatly alarmed, she hastily searched
+her pocket, and collecting some small pieces of coin held them out to the
+man, who without distrust approached to take them. But the moment he took
+the money, Melanie made a sudden snatch at the stick, and wresting it from
+his hand, dealt him so violent a blow with it across the head that she
+felled him to the ground. She then gave him a sound thrashing, and, in
+spite of his resistance, forced him to accompany her to the office of the
+commissary of police, by whom he was committed for trial.
+
+
+Gallant Daughter.--Sir John Cochrane, who was engaged in Argyle's rebellion
+against James II., was taken prisoner, after a desperate resistance, and
+condemned to be executed. His daughter, having notice that the
+death-warrant was expected from London, attired herself in men's clothes,
+and twice attacked and robbed the mails between Belford and Berwick. The
+execution was by this means delayed, till Sir John Cochrane's father, the
+Earl of Dundonald, succeeded in making interest with the king for his
+release.
+
+
+A Gamekeeper's Daughter.--The Gazette of Augsburg for January, 1820,
+contained a singular account of the heroism and presence of mind displayed
+by the daughter of a gamekeeper, residing in a solitary house near Welheim.
+Her father and the rest of the family had gone to church, when there
+appeared at the door an old man apparently half dead with cold. Feeling for
+his situation, she let him in, and went into the kitchen to prepare him
+some soup. Through a window which communicated from the kitchen to the room
+in which she had left him, she perceived that he had dropped the beard he
+wore when he entered; that he now appeared a robust man; and that he was
+pacing the chamber with a poignard in his hand. Finding no mode of escape,
+she armed herself with a chopper in one hand and the boiling soup in the
+other, and entering the room where he was, first threw the soup in his
+face, and then struck him a blow with the hatchet on his neck, which
+brought him to the ground senseless. At this moment a fresh knock at the
+door occasioned her to look out of an upper window, when she saw a strange
+hunter, who demanded admittance, and on her refusal, threatened to break
+open the door. She immediately got her father's gun, and as he was
+proceeding to put his threat in execution, she shot him through the right
+shoulder, on which he made his way back to the forest. Half an hour after a
+third person came, and asked after an old man who must have passed that
+way. She said she knew nothing of him; and after useless endeavours to make
+her open the door, he also proceeded to break it in, when she shot him dead
+on the spot. The excitement of her courage being now at an end, her spirits
+began to sink, and she fired shots, and screamed from the windows, until
+some gendarmes were attracted to the house; but nothing would induce her to
+open the door until the return of her father from church.
+
+
+Reward of Heroism.--M. Labat, a merchant of Bayonne, ill in health, had
+retired in the beginning of the winter, 1803, to a country house on the
+banks of the Adour. One morning, when promenading in his robe-de-chambre,
+on a terrace elevated a little above the river, he saw a traveller thrown
+by a furious horse, from the opposite bank, into the midst of the torrent.
+M. Labat was a good swimmer: he did not stop a moment to reflect on the
+danger of the attempt, but, ill as he was, threw off his robe-de-chambre,
+leaped into the flood, and caught the drowning stranger at the moment when,
+having lost all sensation, he must have otherwise inevitably perished. "Oh,
+God!" exclaimed M. Labat, clasping him in his arms, and recognizing with a
+transport of joy the individual he had rescued, "I have saved my son!"
+
+
+The Douglas.--When King Robert I. died he exacted a promise from Sir James
+Douglas to convey his heart to the Holy Land, where he had been on the
+point of going when death arrested him. The party had reached Sluys, so far
+on their way to Jerusalem, when Alonzo, King of Leon and Castile, at that
+time engaged in war with the Moorish governor of Granada, Osmyn, sent to
+demand the aid of Douglas; and by his oath as a knight, which forbade him
+ever to turn a deaf ear to a call in aid of the Church of Christ, he was
+obliged to attend to the summons. He fought with his usual heroism, till
+the Moslems believed he bore a charmed life when they saw him rush into the
+thickest of the fight and escape unwounded. But the Christian ranks
+nevertheless began to give way; and to stem the flight the Douglas threw
+the casket containing the king's heart into the _melee_, and rushed after
+it, exclaiming, "Now pass onward as thou wert wont, and Douglas will follow
+thee or die!" The day after the battle the body of the hero and the casket
+were found by his surviving companions; and the squire of Douglas finding
+it was impossible to convey it to Jerusalem, brought back the king's heart
+to Scotland, and it was interred in Melrose Abbey.
+
+
+Marshal de Nevailles.--At the battle of Senef, the Prince of Conde sent
+word to Marshal de Nevailles to be ready to engage the enemy. The messenger
+found him hearing mass, at which the prince being enraged, muttered
+something in abuse of over-pious persons. But the marquis having evinced
+the greatest heroism during the engagement, said after it to the prince,
+"Your highness, I fancy, now sees that those who pray to God behave as well
+in battle as their neighbours."
+
+
+
+
+HOSPITALITY.
+
+
+Breton Peasants.--At the conclusion of the war in 1814, three hundred
+British sailors, who had been prisoners, were assembled on the coast of
+Britanny to embark for England. Being severally billetted on the
+inhabitants for some days before they embarked, one of them requested
+permission to see the superintendant, Monsieur Kearnie, which being
+granted, the British tar thus addressed him: "An please your honour, I
+don't come to trouble you with any bother about ourselves: we are all as
+well treated as Christians can be; but there is one thing that makes my
+food sit heavy on my stomach, and that of my two messmates." "What is it,
+my brave fellow?" replied the superintendent;--"the persons on whom you are
+quartered don't grudge it you?" "No, your honour;--if they did, that would
+not vex us." "What, then, do you complain of?" "Only this, your
+honour--that the poor folk cheerfully lay their scanty allowance before us
+for our mess, and we have just found out that they have hardly touched a
+mouthful themselves, or their six babes, for the last two days; and this we
+take to be a greater hardship than any we found in prison." M. Kearnie told
+them that from this hardship they should all be relieved. He instantly
+ordered the billets to be withdrawn, and rewarded all parties for their
+kindness, so compassionately exercised and interchanged.
+
+
+An Archbishop.--Henry Wardlaw, Archbishop of St. Andrew's, at the beginning
+of the fifteenth century was a prelate of such unbounded liberality, that
+the masters of his household, apprehensive that his revenues might be
+exhausted by the expense of entertaining the great numbers who resorted to
+his palace, solicited him to make out a list of persons to whom the
+hospitality of his board might be confined. "Well," said the archbishop to
+his secretary, "take a pen and begin. First put down Fife and Angus"--two
+large counties, containing several hundred thousands of people. His
+servants hearing this, retired abashed; "for," says the historian, "they
+said he would have no man refused that came to his house."
+
+
+Rights of Hospitality.--Dr. Johnson, in his tour through North Wales,
+passed two days at the seat of Colonel Middleton, of Gwynnagag. While he
+remained there, the gardener found a hare amidst some potatoe plants, and
+brought it to his master, then engaged in conversation with the doctor. An
+order was given to carry it to the cook. As soon as Johnson heard this
+sentence, he begged to have the animal placed in his arms, which was no
+sooner done, than approaching the open window, he restored the hare to her
+liberty, shouting after her to accelerate her speed. "What have you done,
+doctor?" cried the colonel. "Why you have robbed my table of a
+delicacy--perhaps deprived us of a dinner." "So much the better, sir,"
+replied the humane champion of a condemned hare; "for if your table is to
+be supplied at the expense of the laws of hospitality, I envy not the
+appetite of him who eats it. This, sir, is not a hare taken in war, but one
+which had voluntarily placed itself under your protection; and savage
+indeed must be that man who does not make his hearth an asylum for the
+confiding stranger."
+
+
+Mungo Park.--While Park was waiting on the banks of the Niger for a
+passage, the king of the country was informed that a white man intended to
+visit him. On this intelligence, a messenger was instantly dispatched to
+tell the stranger that his majesty could not possibly admit him to his
+presence till he understood the cause of his arrival, and also to warn him
+not to cross the river without the royal permission. The message was
+accordingly delivered by one of the chief natives, who advised Mr. Park to
+seek a lodging in an adjacent village, and promised to give him some
+requisite instructions in the morning. Mr. Park immediately complied with
+this counsel; but on entering the village he had the mortification to find
+every door closed against him. He was, therefore, obliged to remain all the
+day without food, beneath the shade of a tree. About sunset, as he was
+turning his horse loose to graze, and expected to pass the night in this
+lonely situation, a woman returning from her employment in the fields
+stopped to gaze at him, and observing his dejected looks, enquired from
+what cause they proceeded? Mr. P. endeavoured, as well as he could, to make
+known his destitute situation. The woman immediately took up his saddle and
+bridle, and desired him to follow her to her residence, where, after
+lighting a lamp, she presented him with some broiled fish, spread a mat for
+him to lie upon, and gave him permission to continue under her roof till
+morning. Having performed this humane action, she summoned her female
+companions to their spinning, which occupied the chief part of the night,
+while their labour was beguiled by a variety of songs--one of which was
+observed by Mr. Park to be an extemporaneous effusion, created by his own
+adventure. The air was remarkably sweet and plaintive, and the words were
+literally the following:--
+
+    "The winds roared, and the rain fell.
+    The poor white man, faint and weary, came and sat under our tree.
+    He has no mother to bring him milk, no wife to grind him corn.
+
+    _Chorus._ Let us pity the white man: no mother has he to bring him
+          milk, no wife to grind his corn."
+
+
+
+
+HUMANITY.
+
+
+M. Neckar.--The six companies, or bodies corporate, of the City of Paris,
+set on foot in the month of October, 1788, a subscription for the relief of
+the sufferers by a dreadful hail-storm, which had ravaged a part of the
+country, and totally destroyed all the hopes of the husbandmen. To the
+honour of these companies, no less than 50,000 livres were collected in a
+short time, and placed in the hands of M. Neckar, in order to be applied to
+the purpose for which they were subscribed. M. Neckar, on receiving the
+money, directed it to be sent to the Treasury. "To the Treasury, my lord!"
+exclaimed the bearer. "Yes, sir," replied M. Neckar; "50,000 livres will do
+well for the Treasury, from which I drew yesterday 150,000 livres, to be
+distributed among the same husbandmen whom it is your object to relieve,
+feeling assured that the Treasury could never suffer from an advance made
+on the credit of the humanity of Frenchmen."
+
+
+Siege of Cajeta.--The City of Cajeta having rebelled against Alphonsus, was
+invested by that monarch with a powerful army. Being sorely distressed for
+want of provisions, the citizens put forth all their old men, women, and
+children, and shut the gates upon them. The king's ministers advised his
+majesty not to permit them to pass, but to force them back into the city;
+by which means he would speedily become master of it. Alphonsus, however,
+had too humane a disposition to hearken to counsel, the policy of which
+rested on driving a helpless multitude into the jaws of famine. He suffered
+them to pass unmolested; and when afterwards reproached with the delay
+which this produced in the siege, he feelingly said, "I had rather be the
+preserver of one innocent person, than be the master of a hundred Cajetas."
+
+
+Provost Drummond.--About the middle of last century, George Drummond was
+provost or chief magistrate of Edinburgh, and renowned for his humane
+disposition. He was one day coming into the town by the suburb called the
+West Port, when he saw a funeral procession leaving the door of a humble
+dwelling, and setting out for the churchyard. The only persons composing
+the funeral company were four poor-looking old men, seemingly common
+beggars, one at each end of a pole carrying the coffin, and none to relieve
+them; there was not a single attendant. The provost at once saw that it
+must be a beggar's funeral, and he went forward to the old men, saying to
+them, "Since this poor creature now deceased has no friends to follow his
+remains to the grave, I will perform that melancholy office myself." He
+then took his place at the head of the coffin. They had not gone far, till
+they met two gentlemen who were acquainted with the provost, and they asked
+him what he was doing there. He told them that he was going to the
+interment of a poor friendless mendicant, as there were none else to do it;
+so they turned and accompanied him. Others joined in the same manner, and
+at last there was a respectable company at the grave. "Now," said the
+kind-hearted provost, "I will lay the old man's head in the grave," which
+he accordingly did, and afterwards saw the burial completed in a decent
+manner. When the solemnity was over, he asked if the deceased had left a
+wife or family, and learned that he had left a wife, an old woman, in a
+state of perfect destitution. "Well, then, gentlemen," said the provost,
+addressing those around him, "we met in rather a singular manner, and we
+cannot part without doing something creditable for the benefit of the
+helpless widow; let each give a trifle, and I will take it upon me to see
+it administered to the best advantage." All immediately contributed some
+money, which made up a respectable sum, and was afterwards given in a
+fitting way to the poor woman; the provost also afterwards placed her in an
+industrious occupation, by which she was able to support herself without
+depending on public relief.
+
+
+Sir Philip Sidney was a gallant soldier, a poet, and the most accomplished
+gentleman of his time. At the battle of Zutphen, in the Netherlands, after
+having two horses killed under him, he received a wound while in the act of
+mounting a third, and was carried bleeding, faint, and thirsty to the camp.
+A small quantity of water was brought to allay the thirst of Sir Philip;
+but as he was raising it to his lips, he observed that a poor wounded
+soldier, who was carried past at the moment, looked at the cup with wistful
+eyes. The generous Sidney instantly withdrew it untasted from his mouth,
+and gave it to the soldier, saying, "Thy necessity is yet greater than
+mine." He died of his wound, aged only thirty-three; but his kindness to
+the poor soldier has caused his name to be remembered ever since with
+admiration, and it will probably never be forgotten while humane and
+generous actions are appreciated among men.
+
+
+Bishop of St. Lisieux.--The massacre of St. Bartholomew was not confined to
+Paris; orders were sent to the most distant provinces to commence the work
+of destruction. When the governor of the province brought the order to
+Hennuyer, Bishop of Lisieux, he opposed it with all his power, and caused a
+formal act of his opposition to be entered on the registers of the
+province. Charles IX., when remorse had taken place of cruelty, was so far
+from disapproving of what this excellent prelate had done, that he gave him
+the greatest praise for his humanity; and Protestants flocked in numbers to
+adjure their religion at the feet of this good and kind shepherd, whose
+gentleness affected them more than either the commands of the sovereign,
+or the violence of the soldiery.
+
+
+On the same occasion, Viscount d'Orthe had the courage to write from
+Bayonne to Charles IX., that he found many good soldiers in his garrison,
+but not one executioner; and begged him to command their lives in any
+service that was possible to men of honor.
+
+
+Baron Von Stackelberg, in going from Athens to Thessalonica in an armed
+vessel, was taken by some Albanian pirates, who immediately sent the
+captain of the vessel to the former place, demanding 60,000 piastres for
+the baron's ransom, and threatening that if it was not paid, they would
+tear his body to pieces. They obliged him, at the same time, to write to
+Baron Haller and another friend, to acquaint them with the demand. The time
+fixed by the pirates had elapsed, and Baron Stackelberg, who had become
+extremely ill, was expecting a cruel death, when the humane and generous
+Haller, who had borrowed 14,500 Turkish piastres, at 30 per cent.,
+appeared. The pirates refused to take less than the sum demanded. Haller
+offered himself as a hostage instead of his friend, if they would prolong
+his life, and suffer him to recover from his sickness. This noble deed
+contributed to convince the pirates, that no larger sum could be obtained;
+they accepted it, and Haller returned to Athens with the friend whom his
+humanity had preserved.
+
+
+The Princess Charlotte.--During the residence of Her Royal Highness at
+Bognor, where she had gone for the recovery of her health, an officer of
+long standing in the army was arrested for a small sum, and being at a
+distance from his friends, and unable to procure bail, he was on the point
+of being torn from his family to be conveyed to Arundel gaol. The
+circumstance came to the knowledge of the princess, who, in the momentary
+impulse of generous feeling, exclaimed, "I will be his bail!" Then,
+suddenly recollecting herself, she inquired the amount of the debt; which
+being told her, "There," said she, handing a purse with more than the sum,
+"take this to him; it is hard that he who has exposed his life in the
+field of battle should ever experience the rigours of a prison."--During
+the last illness of an old female attendant, formerly nurse to the Princess
+Charlotte, she visited her every day, sat by her bedside, and with her own
+hand administered the medicine prescribed. When death had closed the eyes
+of this poor woman, instead of fleeing in haste from an object so appalling
+to the young and gay in general, the princess remained and gave utterance
+to the compassion she felt on viewing the remains in that state from which
+majesty itself cannot be exempt. A friend of the deceased, seeing Her Royal
+Highness was much affected, said, "If your Royal Highness would condescend
+to touch her, perhaps you would not dream of her." "Touch her," replied the
+amiable princess, "yes, poor thing! and kiss her, too; almost the only one
+I ever kissed, except my poor mother!" Then bending her head over the
+coffin of her humble friend, she pressed her lips to the cold cheeks, while
+tears flowed from her eyes.
+
+
+M. de Montesquieu being at Marseilles, hired a boat with the intention of
+sailing for pleasure; the boat was rowed by two young men, with whom he
+entered into conversation, and learnt that they were not watermen by trade,
+but silversmiths, and that when they could be spared from their usual
+business, they employed themselves in that way to increase their earnings.
+On expressing his surprise at their conduct, and imputing it to an
+avaricious disposition; "Oh! sir," said the young men, "if you knew our
+reasons, you would ascribe it to a better motive.--Our father, anxious to
+assist his family, devoted the produce of a life of industry to the
+purchase of a vessel, for the purpose of trading to the coast of Barbary,
+but was unfortunately taken by a pirate, carried to Tripoli, and sold as a
+slave. In a letter we have received from him, he informs that he has
+luckily fallen into the hands of a master who treats him with great
+humanity; but the sum demanded for the ransom is so exorbitant, that it
+will be impossible for him ever to raise it. He adds, that we must
+therefore relinquish all hope of ever seeing him again. With the hopes of
+restoring to his family a beloved father, we are striving by every honest
+means in our power to collect the sum necessary for his ransom, and we are
+not ashamed to employ ourselves for such a purpose in the occupation of
+watermen." M. de Montesquieu was struck with this account, and on his
+departure made them a handsome present. Some months afterwards, the young
+men being at work in their shop, were greatly surprised at the sudden
+arrival of their father, who threw himself into their arms; exclaiming at
+the same time, that he feared they had taken some unjust method to raise
+the money for his ransom, for it was too great for them to have gained by
+their ordinary occupation. They professed their ignorance of the whole
+affair; and could only suspect they owed their father's release to that
+stranger to whose generosity they had before been so much obliged. Such,
+indeed, was the case; but it was not till after Montesquieu's death that
+the fact was known, when an account of the affair, with the sum remitted to
+Tripoli for the old man's ransom, was found among his papers.
+
+
+Fenelon.--The venerable Archbishop of Cambray, whose humanity was
+unbounded, was in the constant habit of visiting the cottages of the
+peasants, and administering consolation and relief in their distress. When
+they were driven from their habitations by the alarms of war, he received
+them into his house, and served them at his table. During the war, his
+house was always open to the sick and wounded, whom he lodged and provided
+with every thing necessary for their relief. Besides his constant
+hospitalities to the military, he performed a most munificent act of
+patriotism and humanity after the disastrous winter of 1709, by opening his
+granaries and distributing gratuitously corn to the value of 100,000
+livres. And when his palace at Cambray, and all his books and furniture,
+were destroyed by fire, he bore it with the utmost firmness, saying, "It is
+better all these should be burned, than the cottage of one poor family."
+
+
+Lord Cochrane.--When this gallant officer was entrusted with the perilous
+duty of conducting the fire-ships in the attack upon the French fleet in
+Basque Roads, he had lighted the fusee which was to explode one of these
+terrific engines of destruction, and had rowed off to some distance, when
+it was discovered that a dog had been left on board. Lord C. instantly
+ordered the men to row back, assuring them that there was yet time enough,
+_if they pulled hard_, to save the poor animal. They got back to the
+fire-ship just a few minutes before it would have been too late to save the
+animal; and when the dreadful explosion took place, were still so near the
+floating volcano, that the fragments fell in heaps around them.
+
+
+Sir Samuel Hood.--This gallant officer, when commanding the "Juno" on the
+Jamaica station, in 1791, exhibited a noble instance of intrepid humanity.
+The ship was lying in St. Anne's harbour, when a raft, with three persons
+upon it, was discovered at a great distance. The weather was exceedingly
+stormy; and the waves broke with such violence, as to leave little hope
+that the unfortunate men upon it could long survive. Captain Hood instantly
+ordered out one of his ship's boats to endeavour to rescue them; but the
+sea ran so high, that the crew declared the attempt impracticable, and
+refused to expose themselves to what they considered certain destruction.
+The captain immediately leaped into the boat, declaring that he would never
+order them on any service on which he would not himself venture. The effect
+was such as might be expected: there is no danger that a British sailor
+will not share with his captain; all now were eager to offer themselves.
+The boat pushed off, and reached the raft with much difficulty, and saved
+the exhausted men, who still clung to it. The House of Assembly of Jamaica,
+to testify their sense of this undaunted exertion in the cause of humanity,
+presented Captain Hood with a sword of the value of two hundred guineas.
+
+
+An Uncarpeted House.--M. Eveillan, formerly Archdeacon of Angers, was noted
+for his humane and charitable disposition towards the poor. On one
+occasion, when a friend expressed surprise that none of his rooms were
+carpeted, he replied, "When I enter my house in the winter, I do not hear
+any complaints of cold from the furniture of my rooms; but the poor who
+stand shivering at my doors tell me but too plainly that they have need of
+clothing."
+
+
+
+
+IMAGINATION AND FEAR.
+
+
+Fear of Death.--It is recorded of a person who had been sentenced to be
+bled to death, that, instead of the punishment being actually inflicted, he
+was made to believe that it was so, merely by causing water, when his eyes
+were blinded, to trickle down his arm. This mimicry, however, of an
+operation, stopped as completely the movements of the animated machine as
+if an entire exhaustion had been effected of the vivifying mud. The man
+lost his life, although not his blood, by this imaginary venesection.
+
+
+We read of another unfortunate being who had been condemned to lose his
+head, but the moment after it had been laid upon the block, a reprieve
+arrived; the victim was, however, already sacrificed. The living principle
+had been extinguished by the fear of the axe, as effectually as it would
+have been by its fall.
+
+
+The Editor of the _Philosophical Magazine_ relates a remarkable instance
+which came within his own knowledge many years ago in Scotland. Some silver
+spoons having been mislaid, were supposed to have been stolen; and an
+expression fell from one of the family, which was either intended, or was
+so understood by a young lady who acted as governess to the female
+children, that she had taken them. When the young lady rose next morning,
+her hair, which before was dark, was found to have changed to a pure white
+during the night. The spoons were afterwards found where the mistress of
+the family had herself deposited them.
+
+
+Mons. Boutibonne, a man of literary attainments, a native of Paris, served
+in Napoleon's army, and was present at a number of engagements during the
+early part of the present century. At the battle of Wagram, which resulted
+in a treaty of peace with Austria, in November 1809, Mons. Boutibonne was
+actively engaged during the whole of the fray, which lasted, if I rightly
+remember, from soon after mid-day until dark. The ranks around him had
+been terribly thinned by the enemy's shot, so that his position at sunset
+was nearly isolated; and while in the act of reloading his musket, he was
+shot down by a cannon-ball. The impression produced upon his mind was, that
+the ball had passed from left to right, through his legs below the knees,
+separating them from his thighs, as he suddenly sank down, shortened, as he
+believed, to the extent of about a foot in measurement, the trunk of the
+body falling backwards on the ground, and the senses being completely
+paralysed by the shock. In this posture he lay motionless during the
+remainder of the night, not daring to move a muscle for fear of fatal
+consequences. He experienced no severe suffering; but this immunity from
+pain he attributed to the stunning effect produced upon the brain and
+nervous system. "My wounded companions," said he, "lay groaning in agony on
+every side, but I uttered not a word, nor ventured to move, lest the torn
+vessels should be roused into action, and produce fatal haemorrhage, for I
+had been made acquainted with the fact that the blood-vessels, wounded in
+this way, did not usually bleed profusely until reaction took place. At
+early dawn, on the following morning, I was aroused from a troubled slumber
+by one of the medical staff, who came round to succour the wounded. 'What's
+the matter with you my good fellow?' said he. 'Ah! touch me softly, I
+beseech you,' I replied, 'a cannon-ball has carried off my legs.' He
+proceeded at once to examine my legs and thighs, and giving me a good
+shake, with a cry of joy he exclaimed 'Get up at once, there is nothing the
+matter with you.' Whereupon I sprung up in utter astonishment, and stood
+firmly on the legs which I believed had been lost to me for ever. I felt
+more thankful than I had ever done in the whole course of my life before. I
+had not a wound about me. I had indeed been shot down by an immense
+cannon-ball, but instead of passing through my legs, as I firmly believed
+it to have done, the ball had passed under my feet, and had ploughed away a
+cavity in the earth beneath, at least a foot in depth, into which my feet
+suddenly sank, giving me the idea that I had been thus shattered by the
+separation of my legs. Such is the power of imagination."
+
+
+
+
+JOHNSON.
+
+
+Johnson and Millar.--When Dr. Johnson had completed his Dictionary, which
+had quite exhausted the patience of Mr. Andrew Millar, his bookseller, the
+latter acknowledged the receipt of the last sheet in the following
+note:--"Andrew Millar sends his compliments to Mr. Samuel Johnson, with the
+money for the last sheet of the copy of the Dictionary, and thanks God he
+has done with him." To this rude note the doctor returned the following
+smart answer:--"Samuel Johnson returns his compliments to Mr. Andrew
+Millar, and is very glad to find (as he does by his note) that Andrew
+Millar has the grace to thank God for anything."
+
+
+Johnson and Wilkes.--In his English Grammar, prefixed to his Dictionary,
+Johnson had written--"_He_ seldom, perhaps never, begins any but the first
+syllable." Wilkes published some remarks upon this dictum, commencing: "The
+author of this observation must be a man of quick appre-_he_nsion, and of a
+most compre-_he_nsive genius."
+
+
+Johnson and Lord Elibank.--"Lord Elibank," says Sir W. Scott, "made a happy
+retort on Dr. Johnson's definition of oats, as the food of horses in
+England, and men in Scotland." "Yes," said he, "and where else will you see
+_such horses_, and _such men?_"
+
+
+
+
+KINGS.
+
+
+James the First.--Soon after that would-be _Solomon_ came to the throne of
+England, he went one day to hear the causes in Westminster Hall, in order
+to show his learning and wisdom, of which he had no mean opinion.
+Accordingly, being seated on the bench, a cause came on, which the counsel,
+learned in the law, set forth to such advantage on the part of the
+plaintiff, that the Royal Judge thought he saw the justice of it so
+clearly, that he frequently cried out, "The gude man is i' the richt! the
+gude man is i' the richt! He mun hae it! he mun hae it!" And when the
+counsel had concluded, he took it as a high affront that the judges of the
+court should presume to remonstrate to him, that it was the rule to hear
+the other side before they gave judgment. Curiosity to know what could be
+said in so clear a case, rather than any respect to their rules, made him
+defer his decision; but the defendant's counsel had scarcely begun to open
+his cause, when his majesty appeared greatly discomposed, and was so
+puzzled as they proceeded, that he had no patience to hear them out, but
+starting up in a passion, cried, "I'll hear nae mair! I'll hear nae mair!
+ye are a' knaves aleeke! Ye gi' each other the lee (lie), and neither's i'
+the richt!"
+
+
+Frederick the Great.--Frederick the Great rang the bell one day, and nobody
+answered. He opened the door, and found the page sleeping on a sofa. About
+to wake him, he perceived the end of a billet out of his pocket, and had
+the curiosity to know the contents: Frederick carefully drew it out, and
+read it; it was a letter from the mother of the young man, who thanked him
+for having sent her part of his wages, to assist her in her distress; and
+it concluded by beseeching God to bless him for his filial goodness. The
+king returned softly to his room, took a roller of ducats, and slid them,
+with the letter, into the page's pocket; and then returning to his
+apartment, rung so violently, that the page came running breathlessly to
+know what had happened. "You have slept well," said the king. The page made
+an apology, and, in his embarrassment, he happened to put his hand into his
+pocket, and felt with astonishment the roller. He drew it out, turned pale,
+and looking at the king, burst into tears, without being able to speak a
+word. "What is the matter?" said the king, "what ails you?" "Ah, sire,"
+answered the youth, throwing himself at his feet, "somebody would wish to
+ruin me; I know not how I came by this money in my pocket." "My friend,"
+said Frederick, "God often sends us good in our sleep. Send this to your
+mother. Salute her in my name, and assure her I shall take care of her and
+of you."
+
+
+Frederick, conqueror as he was, sustained a severe defeat at Coslin in the
+war of 1755. Some time after, at a review, he jocosely asked a soldier, who
+had got a deep cut in his cheek, "Friend, at what alehouse did you get that
+scratch?" "I got it," said the soldier, "at Coslin, _where your majesty
+paid the reckoning_."
+
+
+Frederick was very fond of disputation; but as he generally terminated the
+discussion by collaring his antagonist and kicking his shins, few of his
+guests were disposed to enter the arena against him. One day, when he was
+particularly disposed for an argument, he asked one of his suite why he did
+not venture to give his opinion on a particular question. "It is
+impossible, your majesty," was the reply, "to express an opinion before a
+sovereign who has such very strong convictions, and who _wears such very
+thick boots_."
+
+
+Desertion.--Frederick, in surveying one evening some of the advanced posts
+of his camp, discovered a soldier endeavouring to pass the sentinel. His
+majesty stopped him, and insisted on knowing where he was going. "To tell
+you the truth," answered the soldier, "your majesty has been so worsted in
+all your attempts, that I was going to _desert_." "Were you?" answered the
+monarch. "Remain here but one week longer, and if fortune does not mend in
+that time, I'll desert with you too."
+
+
+Louis XIV., playing at backgammon, had a doubtful throw; a dispute arose,
+and all the courtiers remained silent. The Count de Grammont came in at
+that instant. "Decide the matter," said the king to him. "Sire," said the
+count, "your Majesty is in the wrong."--"How so," replied the king; "can
+you decide without knowing the question?"--"Yes," said the count, "because,
+had the matter been doubtful, all these gentlemen present would have given
+it for your majesty."
+
+
+Louis was told that Lord Stair was the best bred man in Europe. "I shall
+soon put that to the test," said the king, and asking Lord Stair to take an
+airing with him, as soon as the door of the coach was opened he bade him
+pass and go in, the other bowed and obeyed. The king said, "The world was
+right in the character it gave of Lord Stair--another person would have
+troubled me with ceremony."
+
+
+While the Eddystone light-house was erecting, a French privateer took the
+men upon the rock, together with their tools, and carried them to France;
+and the captain was in expectation of a reward for the achievement. While
+the captives lay in prison, the transaction reached the ears of Louis XIV.,
+when he immediately ordered them to be released, and the captors put in
+their places, declaring, that "Though he was at war with England, he was
+not so with all mankind." He directed the men to be sent back to their
+work, with presents--observing, "That the Eddystone light-house was so
+situated as to be of equal service to all nations having occasion to
+navigate the channel between England and France."
+
+
+Charles II. was reputed a great connoisseur in naval architecture. Being
+once at Chatham, to view a ship just finished on the stocks, he asked the
+famous Killigrew, "If he did not think he should make an excellent
+shipwright?" He replied, "That he always thought his majesty would have
+done better at any trade than his own." No favourable compliment, but as
+true a one, perhaps, as ever was paid.
+
+
+Louis XII.--Josquin, a celebrated composer, was appointed master of the
+chapel to Louis XII. of France, who promised him a benefice, but contrary
+to his usual custom, forgot him. Josquin, after suffering great
+inconvenience from the shortness of his majesty's memory, ventured, by a
+singular expedient, publicly to remind him of his promise, without giving
+offence. Being commanded to compose a motet for the chapel royal, he chose
+the verse of the Psalm, "Oh, think of thy servant as concerning thy word,"
+&c., which he set in so supplicating and exquisite a manner, that it was
+universally admired, particularly by the king, who was not only charmed
+with the music, but felt the force of the words so effectually, that he
+soon after granted his petition, by conferring on him the promised
+appointment.
+
+
+George the Second, when returning from his German dominions, on the way
+between the Brill and Helvoetsluys, was obliged to stay at an obscure
+public house on the road, while some of his servants went forward to obtain
+another carriage, that in which he had travelled having broken down. The
+king ordered refreshment, but all he could get was a pot of coffee for
+himself and Lord Delawar, and two bottles of gin made into punch for his
+footmen; however, when the bill was called for, the conscientious Dutchman,
+knowing his customer, presented it as follows: "To refreshments for His
+Sacred Majesty, King George the Second, and his household, L91." Lord
+Delawar was so provoked at this imposition, that the king overheard his
+altercation with the landlord, and demanded the cause of it. His lordship
+immediately told him; when his majesty good humouredly replied, "My lord,
+the fellow is a great knave, but pay him. Kings seldom pass this way."
+
+A similar anecdote is related of another monarch, who, passing through a
+town in Holland, was charged thirty dollars for two eggs. On this, he said,
+that "Eggs were surely scarce in that town." "No, your majesty," replied
+the landlord, "but kings are."
+
+
+Charles V. of France.--The last words of this patriotic monarch are
+memorable for the noble moral for kings which they contain. "I have aimed
+at justice," said he to those around him; "but what king can be certain
+that he has always followed it? Perhaps I have done much evil of which I am
+ignorant. Frenchmen! who now hear me, I address myself in the presence of
+the Supreme Being to you. _I find that kings are happy but in this--that
+they have the power of doing good_."
+
+
+George III. on Punctuality.--The celebrated mathematical instrument maker,
+Mr. Ramsden, was frequently deficient in punctuality, and would delay for
+months, nay, for years, the delivery of instruments bespoken from him. His
+majesty, who had more than once experienced this dilatory disposition, once
+ordered an instrument, which he made Ramsden positively promise to deliver
+on a certain day. The day, however, came, but not the instrument. At length
+Ramsden sent word to the king that it was finished; on which a message was
+sent him, desiring that he would bring it himself to the palace. He,
+however, answered, that he would not come, unless his majesty would promise
+not to be angry with him. "Well, well," said the king, "let him come: as he
+confesses his fault, it would be hard to punish him for it." On this
+assurance he went to the palace, where he was graciously received; the
+king, after expressing his entire satisfaction with the instrument, only
+adding, with a good-natured smile, "You have been uncommonly punctual this
+time, Mr. Ramsden, having brought the instrument on the very day of the
+month you promised it; you have only made a small mistake in the date of
+the year." It was, in fact, exactly a year after the stipulated time.
+
+
+Doing Homage.--Mr. Carbonel, the wine merchant who served George III., was
+a great favourite with the king, and used to be admitted to the royal
+hunts. Returning from the chase one day, his majesty entered affably into
+conversation with him, and rode with him side by side a considerable way.
+Lord Walsingham was in attendance; and watching an opportunity, took Mr.
+Carbonel aside, and whispered something to him. "What's that, what's that
+Walsingham has been saying to you?" inquired the good-humoured monarch. "I
+find, sire, I have been unintentionally guilty of disrespect; my lord
+informed me, that, I ought to have taken off my hat whenever I addressed
+your majesty; but your majesty will please to observe, that whenever I
+hunt, my hat is fastened to my wig, and my wig is fastened to my head, and
+I am on the back of a very high-spirited horse; so that if any thing _goes
+off_, we _all go off together!_" The king accepted, and laughed heartily
+at, the whimsical apology.
+
+
+The Horse Dealer.--The king having purchased a horse, the dealer put into
+his hands a large sheet of paper, completely written over. "What's this?"
+said his majesty. "The pedigree of the horse, sire, which you have just
+bought," was the answer. "Take it back, take it back," said the king,
+laughing; "it will do very well for the next horse you sell."
+
+
+The following affords a pleasing trait in the character of George the
+Third, as well as an instance of that feeling which ought to subsist
+between masters of all ranks and circumstances and their domestics:--
+
+_Inscription in the Cloisters of St. George's Chapel, Windsor._
+
+King George III.
+caused to be interred near this place the body of
+MARY GASKOIN,
+Servant to the late Princess Amelia; and this tablet to be
+erected in testimony of his grateful sense of the faithful
+services and attachment of an amiable young woman to
+his beloved daughter, whom she survived only three
+months. She died the 19th February, 1811, aged 31
+years.
+
+
+A very bold caricature was one day shown to his majesty, in which Warren
+Hastings was represented wheeling the king and the lord chancellor in a
+wheelbarrow for sale, and crying, "What a man buys, he may sell." The
+inference intended was, that his majesty and Lord Thurlow had used improper
+influence in favour of Hastings. The king smiled at the caricature, and
+observed, "Well, this is something new; I have been in all sorts of
+carriages, but was never put into a wheel-barrow before."
+
+
+
+
+LAWS AND LAWYERS.
+
+
+A Bold Trick.--The following anecdote serves to exemplify how necessary it
+is upon any important occasion to scrutinise the accuracy of a statement
+before it is taken upon trust. A fellow was tried at the Old Bailey for
+highway robbery, and the prosecutor swore positively that he had seen his
+face distinctly, for it was a bright moonlight night. The counsel for the
+prisoner cross-questioned the man so as to make him repeat that assertion,
+and insist upon it. He then affirmed that this was a most important
+circumstance, and a most fortunate one for the prisoner at the bar: because
+the night on which the alleged robbery was said to have been committed was
+one in which there had been no moon: it was then during the dark quarter!
+In proof of this he handed an almanack to the bench,--and the prisoner was
+acquitted accordingly. The prosecutor, however, had stated every thing
+truly; and it was known afterwards that the almanack with which the counsel
+came provided, had actually been prepared and printed for the occasion!
+
+
+Horse Trials.--In the art of cross-examining a witness, Curran was
+pre-eminent. A clever repartee is recorded of him in a horse cause. He had
+asked the jockey's servant his master's age, and the man had retorted, with
+ready gibe, "I never put my hand into his mouth to try!" The laugh was
+against the lawyer till he made the bitter reply,--"You did perfectly
+right, friend; for your master is said to be a great bite."
+
+
+Erskine displayed similar readiness in a case of breach of warranty. The
+horse taken on trial had become dead lame, but the witness to prove it said
+he had a cataract in his eye. "A singular proof of lameness," suggested the
+Court. "It is cause and effect," remarked Erskine; "for what is a cataract
+but a fall?"
+
+
+Erskine.--On Mr. Erskine's receiving his appointment to succeed Mr. Dundas,
+as justiciary in Scotland, he exclaimed that he must go and order his silk
+robe. "Never mind," said Mr. Dundas, "for the short time you will want it
+you had better borrow mine!"--"No!" replied Erskine, "how short a time
+soever I may need it, heaven forbid that I commence my career by adopting
+the _abandoned habits_ of my predecessor!"
+
+
+Erskine is said to have once forgotten for which party, in a particular
+cause, he had been retained; and, to the amazement of the agent who had
+retained him, and the horror of the poor client behind, he made a most
+eloquent speech in direct opposition to the interests he had been hired to
+defend. Such was the zeal of his eloquence, that no whispered remonstrance
+from the rear, no tugging at his elbow could stop him. But just as he was
+about to sit down, the trembling attorney put a slip of paper into his
+hands. "You have pleaded for the wrong party!" whereupon, with an air of
+infinite composure, he resumed the thread of his oration, saying, "Such, my
+lord, is the statement you will probably hear from my brother, on the
+opposite side of this cause. I shall now beg leave, in a very few words, to
+show your lordship how utterly untenable are the principles, and how
+distorted are the facts, upon which this very specious statement has
+proceeded." He then went once more over the same ground, and did not take
+his seat till he had most energetically refuted himself, and destroyed the
+effect of his former pleading. He gained the cause.
+
+
+A similar circumstance happened in the Rolls Court, in 1788. Mr. A., an
+eminent counsel, received a brief in court a short time before the cause
+was called on, for the purpose of opposing the prayer of a petition. Mr.
+A., conceiving himself to be the petitioner, spoke very ably in support of
+the petition, and was followed by a counsel on the same side. The Master of
+the Rolls then inquired who opposed the petition? Mr. A. having by this
+time discovered his mistake, rose in much confusion, and said, that he felt
+really much ashamed for a blunder into which he had fallen, for that,
+instead of supporting the petition, it was his business to have opposed it.
+The Master of the Rolls, with great good humour, desired him to proceed now
+on the other side, observing, that he knew no counsel who could answer his
+arguments half so well as himself.
+
+
+Fools.--A lawyer of Strasburgh being in a dying state sent for a brother
+lawyer to make his will, by which he bequeathed nearly the whole of his
+estate to the Hospital for Idiots. The other expressed his surprise at this
+bequest. "Why not bestow it upon them," said the dying man; "you know I got
+the most of my money by fools, and therefore to fools it ought to return."
+
+
+Curran.--A farmer, attending a fair with a hundred pounds in his pocket,
+took the precaution of depositing it in the hands of the landlord of the
+public-house at which he stopped. Having occasion for it shortly
+afterwards, he repaired to mine host for the amount, but the landlord, too
+deep for the countryman, wondered what hundred was meant, and was quite
+sure no such sum had ever been lodged in his hands. After many ineffectual
+appeals to the recollection, and finally to the honour of Bardolph, the
+farmer applied to Curran for advice. "Have patience, my friend," said
+Curran; "speak to the landlord civilly, and tell him you are convinced you
+must have left your money with some other person. Take a friend with you,
+and lodge with him another hundred in the presence of your friend, and then
+come to me." We may imagine the vociferations of the honest rustic at such
+advice; however, moved by the rhetoric of the worthy counsel, he followed
+it, and returned to his legal friend. "And now, sir, I don't see as I'm to
+be better off for this, if I get my second hundred again--but how is that
+to be done?" "Go and ask him for it when he is alone," said the counsel.
+"Aye, sir; but asking won't do I'm afraid, and not without my witness, at
+any rate." "Never mind, take my advice," said the counsel; "do as I bid
+you, and return to me." The farmer returned with the hundred, glad at any
+rate to find that safe again his possession. "Now I suppose I must be
+content, though I don't see as I'm much better off." "Well, then," said the
+counsel, "now take your friend with you, and ask the landlord for the
+hundred pounds your friend saw you leave with him." We need not add, that
+the wily landlord found that he had been taken off his guard, while our
+honest friend returned to thank his counsel exultingly, with both of his
+hundreds in his pocket.
+
+
+Mr. Curran was once engaged in a legal argument; behind him stood his
+colleague, a gentleman whose person was remarkably tall and slender, and
+who had originally intended to take orders. The judge observing that the
+case under discussion involved a question of ecclesiastical law; "Then,"
+said Curran, "I can refer your lordship to a _high_ authority behind me,
+who was once intended for the church, though in my opinion he was fitter
+for the steeple."
+
+
+There is a celebrated reply of Mr. Curran to a remark of Lord Clare, who
+curtly exclaimed at one of his legal positions, "O! if that be law, Mr.
+Curran, I may burn my law books!" "Better _read_ them, my lord," was the
+sarcastic and appropriate rejoinder.
+
+
+A Good Example.--Chamillart, comptroller-general of the finances in the
+reign of Louis XIV., had been a celebrated pleader. He once lost a cause in
+which he was concerned, through his excessive fondness for billiards. His
+client called on him the day after in extreme affliction, and told him
+that, if he had made use of a document which had been put into his hands,
+but which he had neglected to examine, a verdict must have been given in
+his favour. Chamillart read it, and found it of decisive importance to his
+cause. "You sued the defendant," said he, "for 20,000 livres. You have
+failed by my inadvertence. It is my duty to do you justice. Call on me in
+two days." In the meantime Chamillart procured the money, and paid it to
+his client, on no other condition than that he should keep the transaction
+secret.
+
+
+Legal Point.--A few years ago it happened that a cargo of ice was imported
+into this country from Norway. Not having such an article in the Custom
+house schedules, application was made to the Treasury and to the Board of
+Trade; and, after some little delay, it was decided that the ice should be
+entered as "_dry_ goods;" but the whole cargo had melted before the doubt
+was cleared up!
+
+
+Lord Brougham tells the following story. It is a curious instance of the
+elucidation of facts in court.--During the assizes, in a case of assault
+and battery, where a stone had been thrown by the defendant, the following
+clear and conclusive evidence was drawn out of a Yorkshireman.--"Did you
+see the defendant throw the stone?" "I saw a stone, and I'ze pretty sure
+the defendant throwed it." "Was it a large stone?" "I should say it wur a
+largeish stone." "What was its size?" "I should say a sizeable stone."
+"Can't you answer definitely how big it was?" "I should say it wur a stone
+of some bigness." "Can't you give the jury some idea of the stone?" "Why,
+as near as I recollect, it wur something of a stone." "Can't you compare it
+to some other object?" "Why, if I wur to compare it, so as to give some
+notion of the stone, I should say it wur as large as a lump of chalk!"
+
+
+Questioning.--Sir John Fielding gave a curious instance in the case of an
+Irish fellow who was brought before him when sitting as a magistrate at
+Bow-street. He was desired to give some account of himself, and where he
+came from. Wishing to pass for an Englishman, he said he came from Chester.
+This he pronounced with a very rich brogue, which caught the ears of Sir
+John. "Why, were you ever in Chester?" says he. "To be sure I was," said
+Pat, "_wasn't I born there?_" "How dare you," said Sir John Fielding, "with
+that brogue, which shows that you are an Irishman, pretend to have been
+born in Chester?" "I didn't say I was born there, sure; I only asked your
+honour whether I was or not."
+
+
+Thelwall, when on his trial at the Old Bailey for high treason, during the
+evidence for the prosecution, wrote the following note, and sent it to his
+counsel, Mr. Erskine: "I am determined to plead my cause myself." Mr.
+Erskine wrote under it: "If you do, you'll be hang'd:" to which Thelwall
+immediately returned this reply: "I'll be hang'd, then, if I do."
+
+
+Peter the Great, being at Westminster Hall in term time, and seeing
+multitudes of people swarming about the courts of law, is reported to have
+asked some about him, what all those busy people were, and what they were
+about? and being answered, "They are lawyers." "Lawyers!" returned he, with
+great vivacity, "why I have but four in my whole kingdom, and I design to
+hang two of them as soon as I get home."
+
+
+A Sheepish Lamb.--Counsellor Lamb (an old man, at the time the late Lord
+Erskine was in the height of his reputation) was a man of timid manners and
+nervous disposition, and usually prefaced his pleadings with an apology to
+that effect; and on one occasion, when opposed to Erskine, he happened to
+remark that "he felt himself growing more and more timid as he grew older."
+"No wonder," replied the witty but relentless barrister, "every one knows
+the older a _lamb_ grows the more _sheepish_ he becomes."
+
+
+A learned serjeant, since a judge, being once asked what he would do if a
+man owed him L10, and refused to pay him. "Rather than bring an action,
+with its costs and uncertainty," said he, "I would send him a receipt in
+full of all demands." "Aye," said he, recollecting himself, "and I would
+moreover send him five pounds to cover possible costs."
+
+
+Sir William Jones and Thomas Day.--One day, upon removing some books at the
+chambers of the former, a large spider dropped upon the floor, upon which
+Sir William, with some warmth, said, "Kill that spider, Day; kill that
+spider!" "No," said Mr. Day, with coolness, "I will not kill that spider,
+Jones: I do not know that I have a right to kill that spider. Suppose, when
+you are going in your coach to Westminster Hall, a superior Being, who
+perhaps may have as much power over you as you have over this insect,
+should say to his companion, 'Kill that lawyer, kill that lawyer!' how
+should you like that, Jones? and I am sure, to most people, a lawyer is a
+more noxious animal than a spider."
+
+
+Sir Fletcher Norton was noted for his want of courtesy. When pleading
+before Lord Mansfield, on some question of manorial right, he chanced
+unfortunately to say, "My lord, I can illustrate the point in an instant in
+my own person: I myself have two little manors." The judge immediately
+interposed, with one of his blandest smiles, "We all know that, Sir
+Fletcher."
+
+
+The Stocks.--Lord Camden once presided at a trial in which a charge was
+brought against a magistrate for false imprisonment, and for putting the
+plaintiff in the stocks. The counsel for the magistrate, in his reply,
+said, the charges were trifling, particularly that of putting in the
+stocks, which everybody knew was no punishment at all. The chief justice
+rose, and leaning over the bench, said, in a half whisper, "Brother, were
+you ever in the stocks?" "In the stocks, my lord! no, never." "Then I
+have," said his lordship, "and I assure you, brother, it is no such trifle
+as you represent." His lordship's knowledge of the stocks arose from the
+following circumstance. When he was on a visit to Lord Dacre, his
+brother-in-law, at Alveley in Essex, he walked out one day with a gentleman
+remarkable for his absence of mind. When they had reached a hill, at some
+distance from the house, his lordship sat down on the parish stocks, which
+stood by the road side; and after some time, asked his companion to open
+them, as he wished to know what kind of punishment it was; this being done,
+the absent gentleman took a book from his pocket, and sauntered about,
+until he forgot both the judge and his situation, and returned to Lord
+Dacre's house. When the judge was tired of the experiment he had so rashly
+made, he found himself unable to open the stocks, and asked a countryman
+who passed by to assist him. "No, no, old gentleman," replied Hodge, "you
+was not set there for nothing, I'll be bound!" Lord C. protested his
+innocence, but in vain; the countryman walked on, and left his lordship to
+meditate for some time longer in his foolish situation, until some of Lord
+Dacre's servants, chancing to pass that way, released him.
+
+
+Hanging Judge.--Counsellor Grady, in a late trial in Ireland, said, he
+recollected to have heard of a relentless judge; he was known by the name
+of the Hanging Judge, and was never seen to shed a tear but once, and that
+was during the representation of _The Beggar's Opera_, when Macheath got a
+_reprieve!_
+
+
+It was the same judge, we believe, between whom and Mr. Curran the
+following pass of wit once took place at table. "Pray, Mr. Curran," said
+the judge, "is that hung beef beside you? If it is, I will try it." "If
+_you_ try it, my lord," replied Mr. Curran, "it is sure to be hung."
+
+
+Keep to the Point.--Lord Tenterden contracted such an inveterate habit of
+keeping himself and everybody else to the precise matter in hand, that
+once, during a circuit dinner, having asked a country magistrate if he
+would take venison, and receiving what he deemed an evasive reply, "Thank
+you, my lord, I am going to take boiled chicken," his lordship sharply
+retorted, "That, sir, is no answer to my question; I ask you again if you
+will take venison, and I will trouble you to say yes or no, without further
+prevarication."
+
+
+Longs and Shorts.--There were two barristers at the Irish bar who formed a
+singular contrast in their statures. Ninian Mahaffy, Esq., was as much
+above the middle size as Mr. Collis was below it. When Lord Redesdale was
+Lord Chancellor of Ireland, these two gentlemen chanced to be retained in
+the same cause, a short time after his lordship's elevation, and before he
+was personally acquainted with the Irish bar. Mr. Collis was opening the
+motion, when the lord chancellor observed, "Mr. Collis, when a barrister
+addresses the court, he must stand." "I am standing on the bench, my lord,"
+said Collis. "I beg a thousand pardons," said his lordship, somewhat
+confused. "Sit down, Mr. Mahaffy." "I am sitting, my lord," was the reply
+to the confounded chancellor.
+
+
+The Scotch bar had once to boast in Mr. Erskine, of Cardross, of a pleader
+quite as diminutive as Mr. Collis. He had usually a stool brought to him to
+stand upon when addressing the court, which gave occasion for a witty
+rival once to observe, that "that was one way of rising at the bar."
+
+
+Lord Kaimes used to relate a story of a man who claimed the honour of his
+acquaintance on rather singular grounds. His lordship, when one of the
+justiciary judges, returning from the north circuit to Perth, happened one
+night to sleep at Dunkeld. The next morning, walking towards the ferry, but
+apprehending he had missed his way, he asked a man whom he met to conduct
+him. The other answered, with much cordiality, "That I will do with all my
+heart, my lord. Does not your lordship remember me? My name's John ----, I
+have had the _honour_ to be before your lordship for stealing sheep!" "Oh,
+John! I remember you well; and how is your wife? She had the honour to be
+before me too, for receiving them, knowing them to be stolen." "At your
+lordship's service. We were very lucky; we got off for want of evidence;
+and I am still going on in the butcher trade." "Then," replied his
+lordship, "we may have the _honour_ of meeting again."
+
+
+Sergeant Hill, who was much celebrated as a lawyer, and eminently qualified
+to find out a case in point on any disputed question, was somewhat
+remarkable for absence of mind, the result of that earnestness with which
+he devoted himself to his professional duties. On the very day when he was
+married, he had an intricate case in his mind, and forgot his engagement,
+until reminded of his waiting bride, and that the legal time of performing
+the ceremony had nearly elapsed. Being once on circuit, and having occasion
+to refer to a law authority, he had recourse as usual to his bag; but, to
+the astonishment of the court, instead of a volume of Viner's abridgment,
+he took out a specimen candlestick, the property of a Birmingham traveller,
+whose bag the learned sergeant had brought into court by mistake.
+
+
+During the long vacation, the sergeant usually retired to his country seat
+at Rowell in Northamptonshire. It happened, during one autumn, that some of
+the neighbouring sportsmen, among whom was the present Earl Spencer, being
+in pursuit of a fox, Reynard, who was hard pressed, took refuge in the
+court-yard of this venerable sage. At this moment the sergeant was reading
+a _case in point_, which decided that in a trespass of this kind the owners
+of the ground had a right to inflict the punishment of death. Mr. Hill
+accordingly gave orders for punishing the fox, as an original trespasser,
+which was done instantly. The hunters now arrived with the hounds in full
+cry, and the foremost horseman, who anticipated the glory of possessing the
+brush, was the first to behold his victim stretched lifeless on the ground,
+pinioned to the earth by plebeian pitchforks. The hunters were very anxious
+to discover the daring culprit who had presumed to deprive the field and
+the pack of their prey; when the venerable sergeant made his appearance,
+with his book in his hand, and offered to convince them that execution had
+taken place according to legal authority. The sportsmen got outrageous, but
+the learned sergeant was not intimidated; he knew the force of his
+authorities, and gravely invited the attention of his auditory to a case
+from one of the old reporters, that would have puzzled a whole bar of
+modern practitioners to controvert. The effect was ludicrous; the
+extraordinary appearance of the worthy sergeant, not in his bargown, but in
+what these adventurous mortals called a mere bedgown; the quaintness of his
+manner, the singularity of the occurrence, and the novelty of the incident,
+threw them completely out.
+
+
+
+
+LIBRARIANS.
+
+
+Budaeus, a very learned man, librarian to Francis the First of France, was
+one day engaged in deep study, when his servant came running to him in a
+great fright, to tell him that the house was on fire. "Go," said he, with
+perfect calmness, and hardly raising his eyes from his book, "and inform
+your mistress, 'tis her concern, you know I never interfere in domestic
+matters."
+
+
+Knowledge.--The famous Duval, librarian to the Emperor Francis the First,
+often used to reply to questions that were put to him, "I do not know." An
+ignoramus one day said to him, "But the emperor pays you for _knowing_."
+"The emperor," he replied, "pays me for what I know; if he were to pay me
+for what I am ignorant of, all the treasures of his empire would not be
+sufficient."
+
+
+Bautru, a celebrated French wit, being in Spain, went to visit the famous
+library of the Escurial, where he found a very ignorant librarian. The King
+of Spain asked him his opinion of it. "It is an admirable one, indeed,"
+said he; "but your majesty should give the man who has the care of it the
+administration of your finances."--"Wherefore?" asked the king. "Because,"
+replied Bautru, "the man never touches the treasure that is confided to
+him."
+
+
+
+
+MAGNANIMITY.
+
+
+At the siege of one of the strong towns in Flanders, during the wars of
+Louis XIV., it was necessary to reconnoitre the point of attack. The danger
+was great, and a hundred louis were promised to any one who would undertake
+it. Several of the bravest of the soldiers appeared indifferent to the
+offer, when a young man stepped forward to undertake the task; he left the
+detachment, and remained absent a long time; he was thought killed. While
+the officers were deploring his fate, he returned, and gained their
+admiration no less by the precision than the _sang froid_ of his recital.
+The hundred louis were immediately presented to him. "_Vous vous moquez de
+moi, mon general_," was his reply; "_va-t-on la pour de l'argent_."--[You
+are jesting with me, general; one does not perform such actions for money.]
+
+
+Colonel Hawker, who commanded the 14th Light Dragoons in most of the
+serious engagements in the Peninsula, having formerly lost an arm in
+action, was attended by an orderly man, who held a guiding rein to the
+bridle of the colonel's charger; this attendant being slain by his side,
+just as the enemy's cavalry had broken the line of the 14th, by a heavy
+charge of superior numbers, great slaughter ensued on both sides, when a
+French officer immediately opposed to Colonel Hawker, lifted up his sabre,
+and was in the act of cutting him down, but observing the loss of his arm,
+he instantly dropped the point on the colonel's shoulder, and, bending his
+head, passed on. A truly noble adversary!
+
+
+St. Louis.--Louis IX., after his captivity among the Saracens, was, with
+his queen and children, nearly shipwrecked on his return to France, some of
+the planks of the vessel having started. He was pressed to go on board
+another ship, and so escape the danger, but he refused, saying, "Those that
+are with me, most assuredly are as fond of their lives as I can be of mine.
+If I quit the ship, they will likewise quit it; and the vessel not being
+large enough to receive them, they will all perish. I had rather entrust my
+life, and the lives of my wife and children, in the hands of God, than be
+the occasion of making so many of my brave subjects suffer."
+
+
+Magnanimous Rebel.--Sir Phelim O'Neil, one of the leaders in the Irish
+rebellion of 1641, while in prison, previous to his trial, was frequently
+solicited, by promises of a free pardon, and large rewards, to bear
+testimony that the king (Charles the First) had been actively instrumental
+in stirring up that rebellion. It was one of the arts of the factions of
+that period to throw the odium of the massacre which followed the Irish
+rebellion upon Charles; but whatever may have been the political sins of
+that unhappy prince, impartial history has not ranked this among the
+number. Sir Phelim declared, that he could not, in conscience, charge the
+king with any thing of the kind. His trial was drawn out to the length of
+several days, that he might be worked upon in that time; but he persisted
+with constancy and firmness in rejecting every offer made to him by the
+commissioners. Even at the place of execution, the most splendid advantages
+were pressed upon him, upon the condition of falsely accusing King Charles
+in that point. Men saw with admiration this unfortunate chieftain under all
+the terrors of death, and the strongest temptations man could be under,
+bravely attesting the king's innocence, and sealing the truth of his
+testimony with his blood. When on the ladder, and ready to be thrown off,
+two marshals came riding in great haste, and cried aloud, "Stop a little."
+Having passed through the, crowd of spectators and guards, one of them
+whispered something into the ear of Sir Phelim, who made answer in so loud
+a voice, as to be heard by several hundreds of the people. "I thank the
+lieutenant-general for the intended mercy; but I declare, good people,
+before God and his holy angels, and all of you that hear me, that I never
+had any commission from the king for what I have done, in levying, or in
+prosecuting this war; and do heartily beg your prayers, all good Catholics
+and Christians! that God may be merciful unto me, and forgive me my sins."
+On this the guards beat off those that stood near the place of execution,
+and in a few minutes Sir Phelim was no more.
+
+
+Admiral Thurot.--It has been said of the French naval commander Thurot,
+that he was strictly honest in circumstances that made the exertion of
+common honesty an act of the highest magnanimity. When this officer
+appeared on the coast of Scotland, and landed in order to supply his three
+vessels with provisions, he paid a liberal price for every thing he wanted,
+and behaved with so much affability, that a countryman ventured to complain
+to him of an officer, who had taken 50 or 60 guineas from him. The officer,
+on being called on to vindicate himself against the charge, acknowledged
+the fact, but said, that he had divided the money among his men. Thurot
+immediately ordered the officer to give his bill for the money, which he
+said should be stopped out of his pay, if they were so fortunate as to
+return to France. On another occasion, one of Thurot's officers gave a bill
+upon a merchant in France, for some provisions that he had purchased.
+Thurot hearing of the circumstance, informed the countryman that the bill
+was of no value; and reprimanding the officer severely for the cheat,
+compelled him to give another on a merchant, whom he knew would pay the
+money. What makes this act of integrity still more striking and
+praiseworthy, is, that Thurot's men at this time were so dissatisfied, as
+to be ready to break out in open mutiny.
+
+
+The Chevalier Bayard.--The town of Bresse having revolted against the
+French, was attacked, taken, and sacked, with an almost unexampled fury.
+The chevalier Bayard, who was wounded at the beginning of the action, was
+carried to the house of a person of quality, whom he protected from the
+fury of the conquerors, by placing at the door two soldiers, whom he
+indemnified with a gift of eight hundred crowns, in lieu of the plunder
+they might have lost by their attendance at the door. The impatience of
+Bayard to join the army without considering the state of his wound, which
+was by no means well, determined him to depart. The mistress of the house
+then threw herself at his feet, saying, "The rights of war make you master
+of our lives and our possessions, and you have saved our honour. We hope,
+however, from your accustomed generosity that you will not treat us with
+severity, and that you will be pleased to content yourself with a present
+more adapted to our circumstances, than to our inclinations." At the same
+time, she presented him with a small box full of ducats.
+
+Bayard, smiling, asked her how many ducats the box contained. "Two thousand
+five hundred, my lord," answered the lady, with much emotion; "but if these
+will not satisfy you, we will employ all our means to raise more."--"No,
+madam," replied the chevalier, "I do not want money: the care you have
+taken of me more than repays the services I have done you. I ask nothing
+but your friendship; and I conjure you to accept of mine."
+
+So singular an instance of generosity gave the lady more surprise than joy.
+She again threw herself at the feet of the chevalier, and protested that
+she would never rise until he had accepted of that mark of her gratitude.
+"Since you will have it so," replied Bayard, "I will not refuse it; but may
+I not have the honour to salute your amiable daughters?" The young ladies
+soon entered, and Bayard thanked them for their kindness in enlivening him
+with their company. "I should be glad," said he, "to have it in my power
+to convince you of my gratitude; but we soldiers are seldom possessed of
+jewels worthy the acceptance of your sex. Your amiable mother has presented
+me with two thousand five hundred ducats; I make a present to each of you
+of one thousand, for a part of your marriage portion. The remaining five
+hundred I give to the poor sufferers of this town, and I beg you will take
+on yourselves the distribution."
+
+
+One of the finest actions of a soldier of which history makes mention, is
+related in the history of the Marechal de Luxemburg. The marechal, then
+Count de Boutteville, served in the army of Flanders in 1675, under the
+command of the Prince of Conde. He perceived in a march some soldiers that
+were separated from the main body, and he sent one of his aides-de-camp to
+bring them back to their colours. All obeyed, except one, who continued his
+road. The count, highly offended at such disobedience, threatened to strike
+him with his stick. "That you may do," said the soldier, with great
+coolness, "but you will repent of it." Irritated by this answer,
+Boutteville struck him, and forced him to rejoin his corps. Fifteen days
+after, the army besieged Furnes; and Boutteville commanded the colonel of a
+regiment to find a man steady and intrepid for a coup-de-main, which he
+wanted, promising a hundred pistoles as a reward. The soldier in question,
+who had the character of being the bravest man in the regiment, presented
+himself, and taking thirty of his comrades, of whom he had the choice, he
+executed his commission, which was of the most hazardous nature, with a
+courage and success beyond all praise. On his return, Boutteville, after
+having praised him highly, counted out the hundred pistoles he had
+promised. The soldier immediately distributed them to his comrades, saying,
+that he had no occasion for money; and requested that if what he had done
+merited any recompense, he might be made an officer. Then addressing
+himself to the count, he asked if he recognised him? and on Boutteville
+replying in the negative, "Well," said he, "I am the soldier whom you
+struck on our march fifteen days ago. Was I not right when I said that you
+would repent of it?" The Count de Boutteville, filled with admiration, and
+affected almost to tears, embraced the soldier, created him an officer on
+the spot, and soon made him one of his aides-de-camp.
+
+
+
+
+MUSICIANS.
+
+
+Handel had such a remarkable irritation of nerves, that he could not bear
+to hear the tuning of instruments, and therefore at a performance this was
+always done before he arrived. A musical wag, who knew how to extract some
+mirth from Handel's irascibility of temper, stole into the orchestra, on a
+night when the Prince of Wales was to be present, and untuned all the
+instruments. As soon as the prince arrived, Handel gave the signal for
+beginning, _con spirito;_ but such was the horrible discord, that the
+enraged musician started up from his seat, and having overturned a double
+bass, which stood in his way, he seized a kettle-drum, which he threw with
+such violence at the leader of the band, that he lost his full-bottomed wig
+in the effort. Without waiting to replace it, he advanced bare-headed to
+the front of the orchestra, breathing vengeance, but so much choked with
+passion, that utterance was denied him. In this ridiculous attitude he
+stood staring and stamping for some moments, amidst a convulsion of
+laughter; nor could he be prevailed upon to resume his seat, until the
+prince went in person, and with much difficulty appeased his wrath.
+
+Handel being only a musician, was obliged to employ some person to write
+his operas and oratorios, which accounts for their being so very defective
+as poetical compositions. One of those versifiers employed by him, once
+ventured to suggest, in the most respectful manner, that the music he had
+composed to some lines of his, was quite contrary to the sense of the
+passage. Instead of taking this friendly hint as he ought to have done,
+from one who (although not a Pindar) was at least a better judge of poetry
+than himself, he looked upon the advice as injurious to his talents, and
+cried out, with all the violence of affronted pride, "What! you teach me
+music? The music is good music: confound your words! Here," said he,
+thrumming his harpsichord, "are my ideas; go and make words to them."
+
+Handel became afterwards the proprietor of the Opera House, London; and
+presided at the harpsichord in the orchestra (piano-fortes not being then
+known). His embellishments were so masterly, that the attention of the
+audience was frequently diverted from the singing to the accompaniment, to
+the frequent mortification of the vocal professors. A pompous Italian
+singer was, on a certain occasion, so chagrined at the marked attention
+paid to the harpsichord, in preference to his own singing, that he swore,
+that if ever Handel played him a similar trick, he would jump down upon his
+instrument, and put a stop to the interruption. Handel, who had a
+considerable turn for humour, replied: "Oh! oh! you vill jump, vill you?
+very vell, sare; be so kind, and tell me de night ven you vill jump, and I
+vill advertishe it in de bills; and I shall get grate dale more money by
+your jumping, than I shall get by your singing."
+
+Although he lived much with the great, Handel was no flatterer. He once
+told a member of the royal family, who asked him how he liked his playing
+on the violoncello? "Vy, sir, your highness _plays like a prince_." When
+the same prince had prevailed on him to hear a minuet of his own
+composition, which he played himself on the violoncello, Handel heard him
+out very quietly; but when the prince told him, that he would call in his
+band to play it to him, that he might hear the full effect of his
+composition, Handel could contain himself no longer, and ran out of the
+room, crying, "Worsher and worsher, upon mine honour."
+
+One Sunday, having attended divine worship at a country church, Handel
+asked the organist to permit him to play the people out; to which, with a
+politeness characteristic of the profession, the organist consented. Handel
+accordingly sat down to the organ, and began to play in such a masterly
+manner, as instantly to attract the attention of the whole congregation,
+who, instead of vacating their seats as usual, remained for a considerable
+space of time, fixed in silent admiration. The organist began to be
+impatient (perhaps his wife was waiting dinner); and at length addressing
+the performer, told him that he was convinced that _he_ could not play the
+people out, and advised him to relinquish the attempt; which being done,
+they were played out in the usual manner.
+
+
+In 1741, Handel, who was then proceeding to Ireland, was detained for some
+days at Chester, in consequence of the weather. During this time he applied
+to Mr. Baker, the organist, to know whether there were any choir men in the
+cathedral who could sing _at sight_, as he wished to prove some books that
+had been hastily transcribed, by trying the choruses. Mr. Baker mentioned
+some of the best singers in Chester, and among the rest, a printer of the
+name of Janson, who had a good bass voice, and was one of the best
+musicians in the choir. A time was fixed for this private rehearsal at the
+Golden Falcon, where Handel had taken up his residence; when, on trial of a
+chorus in the Messiah, poor Janson, after repeated attempts, failed
+completely, Handel got enraged, and after abusing him in five or six
+different languages, exclaimed in broken English, "You schauntrel, tit not
+you dell me dat you could sing at soite?" "Yes sir," said the printer, "so
+I can, but not at _first sight_."
+
+
+Mozart, walking in the suburbs of Vienna, was accosted by a mendicant of a
+very prepossessing appearance and manner, who told his tale of woe with
+such effect, as to interest the musician strongly in his favour; but the
+state of his purse not corresponding with the impulse of his humanity, he
+desired the applicant to follow him to a coffee-house. Here Mozart, drawing
+some paper from his pocket, in a few minutes composed a minuet, which with
+a letter he gave to the distressed man, desiring him to take it to his
+publisher. A composition from Mozart was a bill payable at sight; and to
+his great surprise the now happy mendicant was immediately presented with
+five double ducats.
+
+
+When Haydn was in England, one of the princes commissioned Sir Joshua
+Reynolds to take his portrait. Haydn went to the painter's house, and sat
+to him, but soon grew tired. Sir Joshua, careful of his reputation, would
+not paint a man of acknowledged genius, with a stupid countenance; and
+deferred the sitting till another day. The same weariness and want of
+expression occurring at the next attempt, Reynolds went and communicated
+the circumstance to his royal highness, who contrived the following
+stratagem. He sent to the painter's house a German girl, in the service of
+the queen. Haydn took his seat for the third time, and as soon as the
+conversation began to flag, a curtain rose, and the fair German addressed
+him in his native language, with a most elegant compliment. Haydn,
+delighted, overwhelmed the enchantress with questions; his countenance
+recovered its animation, and Sir Joshua rapidly seized its traits.
+
+
+Haydn could be comic as well as serious; and he has left a remarkable
+instance of the former, in the well known symphony, during which all the
+instruments disappear, one after the other, so that, at the conclusion, the
+first violin is left playing by himself. The origin of this singular piece
+is thus accounted for. It is said that Haydn, perceiving his innovations
+were ill received by the performers of Prince Esterhazy, determined to play
+a joke upon them. He caused his symphony to be performed, without a
+previous rehearsal, before his highness, who was in the secret. The
+embarrassment of the performers, who all thought they had made a mistake,
+and especially the confusion of the first violin, when, at the end, he
+found he was playing alone, diverted the court of Eisenstadt. Others
+assert, that the prince having determined to dismiss all his band, except
+Haydn, the latter imagined this ingenious way of representing the general
+departure, and the dejection of spirits consequently upon it. Each
+performer left the concert room as soon as his part was finished.
+
+
+
+
+PARLIAMENT.
+
+
+Hume.--At a parliamentary dinner, Mr. Plunkett was asked if Mr. Hume did
+not annoy him by his broad speeches. "No," replied he, "it is the _length_
+of the speeches, not their _breadth_, that we complain of in the House."
+
+
+Henry Lord Falkland having been brought into the House of Commons at a very
+early age, a grave senator objected to his youth, remarked that "he did not
+look as if he had sown his wild oats." His lordship replied with great
+quickness, "Then I am come to the fittest place, where there are so many
+old geese to gobble them up."
+
+
+The Duke of Newcastle, who was at the head of the Treasury, frequently
+differed with his colleague in office, Mr. Pitt, the first Earl of Chatham,
+though the latter, by his firmness, usually prevailed. A curious scene
+occurred at one of their interviews. It had been proposed to send Admiral
+Hawke to sea, in pursuit of M. Conflans. The season was unfavourable, and
+almost dangerous for a fleet to sail, being the end of the month of
+November, and very stormy. Mr. Pitt was at that time confined to his bed by
+gout, and was obliged to receive visitors in his chamber, in which he could
+not bear to have a fire. The Duke of Newcastle waited upon him one very raw
+day, to discuss the affair of the fleet, but scarcely had he entered the
+chamber, when shivering with cold, he said, "What, have you no fire?" "No,"
+replied Mr. Pitt, "I can never bear a fire when I have the gout." The duke
+sat down by the side of the invalid, wrapt up in his cloak, and began to
+enter upon the subject of his visit. There was a second bed in the room,
+and the duke, unable longer to endure the cold, said, "With your leave,
+I'll warm myself in this other bed;" and without taking off his cloak, he
+actually got into the bed, and resumed the debate. The duke began to argue
+against exposing the fleet to hazard in such weather, and Mr. Pitt was as
+determined it should put to sea. "The fleet must absolutely sail," said Mr.
+Pitt, accompanying his words with the most expressive gesture. "It is
+impossible," said the duke, with equal animation, "it will certainly be
+lost." Sir Charles Frederick, of the ordnance department, arrived just at
+this time, and finding them both in this laughable posture, had the
+greatest difficulty to preserve his gravity, at seeing two ministers of
+state deliberating on the affairs of the country in so ludicrous a
+situation.
+
+
+"They're all Out."--At the time when the unfortunate ministry, known as
+"All the Talents," was ousted in 1807, there stood upon the Earthen Mound
+in Edinburgh many caravans of wild beasts belonging to the famous Mr.
+Wombwell, around which there clustered a large crowd of idle folks
+listening to the dulcet strains of his most harmonious brass band. The news
+of the Tory victory was first made known in the parliament house, and, as
+can well be believed, the excitement that ensued was intense. Under its
+influence that eager and eccentric judge, Lord Hermand, making for his
+home, espied a friend among the Wombwell crowd, and shouted aloud in his
+glee across the street, "They're out! they're out! they're all out!" In
+half a second there was the wildest distribution of the mob--down to
+Prince's-street, up the Castle-hill, into the gardens, and up the vennels.
+The people picturing the horrors of a tiger-chase did not stop to hear
+more, and Hermand found himself, to his amazement, monarch of all he
+surveyed, and sole auditor of the last terrified shriek of the band.
+
+
+Lord Lyndhurst, it is said, tells this story of his surrender of the great
+seal in 1846. "When I went to the palace," says his lordship, "I alighted
+at the grand staircase; I was received by the sticks gold and silver, and
+other officers of the household, who called in sonorous tones from landing
+to landing, and apartment to apartment, 'Room for the Lord High Chancellor
+of England.' I entered the presence chamber; I gave the seals to her
+Majesty; I had the honour of kissing her hand; I left the apartment by
+another door and found myself on a back staircase, down which I descended
+without any one taking any notice of me, until, as I was looking for my
+carriage at the outer door, a lackey bustled up, and with a patronising
+air, said, 'Lord Lyndhurst, can I do anything for you?'"
+
+
+The Slave Trade.--In one of the last discussions on the slave trade, Sir
+Charles Pole said, "while he deprecated the motion (for the abolition), he
+rejoiced that it had been brought forward thus early, because it showed the
+cloven foot which had been attempted to be concealed." To this remark Mr.
+Sheridan very spiritedly replied, "An honourable baronet," said he, "has
+talked of a cloven foot; I plead guilty to that cloven foot; but this I
+will say, that the man who expresses pleasure at the hope of seeing so
+large a portion of the human race freed from the shackles of tyranny rather
+displays the pinions of an angel than the cloven foot of a demon."
+
+
+
+
+PATIENCE.
+
+
+Father Bernard.--His patience was such as no circumstances, however
+offensive, could subdue. One day he presented a petition in favour of an
+unfortunate person, to a nobleman in place; the latter being of a hasty
+temper, flew into a violent passion, said many injurious things of the
+person for whom the priest interested himself. Father Bernard, however,
+still persisted in his request; and the nobleman was at last so irritated,
+that he gave him a box on the ear. Bernard immediately fell at his feet,
+and presenting the other, said, "Give me a blow on this also, my lord, and
+grant me my petition." The nobleman was so affected by this humility, that
+he granted his request.
+
+
+Philip, the second King of Spain, had once spent several hours of the night
+in writing a long letter to the Pope, and having finished it, gave it to
+his secretary to fold it up and seal it. The secretary was half asleep, and
+instead of shaking the sand-bottle over it in order to dry it, he emptied
+that which contained the ink by mistake, so that all the ink ran out upon
+the letter and completely spoiled it; perceiving the accident, he was
+ready to drop with confusion, upon which the King quietly said: "Well,
+give me another sheet of paper;" and then began to write the letter over
+again with great tranquillity.
+
+
+
+
+POETS.
+
+
+An Italian poet presented some verses to the Pope, who had not gone far
+before he met with a line too short in quantity, which he remarked upon.
+The poet submissively entreated his holiness to read on, and he would
+probably meet with a line that was a syllable too long, so that the account
+would soon be balanced!
+
+
+A certain Italian having written a book on the Art of making gold,
+dedicated it to Pope Leo X., in hopes of a good reward. His holiness
+finding the man constantly followed him, at length gave him a large empty
+purse, saying, "Sir, since you know how to make gold, you can have no need
+of anything but a purse to put it in."
+
+
+
+
+POLITENESS.
+
+
+A Polite Mayor.--At the time when Queen Elizabeth was making one of her
+progresses through the kingdom, a mayor of Coventry, attended by a large
+cavalcade, went out to meet her Majesty, and usher her into the city with
+due formality. On their return they passed through a wide brook, when Mr.
+Mayor's horse several times attempted to drink, and each time his worship
+checked him; which the Queen observing, called out to him, "Mr. Mayor, let
+your horse drink, Mr. Mayor;" but the magistrate, bowing very low, modestly
+answered, "Nay, nay, may it please your Majesty's horse to drink first."
+
+
+A French Mayor.--A mayor of a small village in France, having occasion to
+give a passport to a distinguished personage in his neighbourhood who was
+blind of one eye, was in great embarrassment on coming to the description
+of his person. Fearful of offending the great man, he adopted the following
+ingenious expedient of avoiding the mention of his deformity, and wrote
+"Black eyes--one of which is absent."
+
+
+Sir Wm. Gooch being engaged in conversation with a gentleman in a street of
+the city of Williamsburgh, returned the salute of a negro, who was passing
+by about his master's business. "Sir William," said the gentleman, "do you
+descend so far as to salute a slave?"--"Why, yes," replied the governor; "I
+cannot suffer a man of his condition to exceed me in good manners."
+
+
+
+
+PRESENCE OF MIND.
+
+
+The Marquis St. Andre applied to Louvois, the war-minister of Louis XIV.,
+for a place then vacant. Louvois having received some complaints against
+the marquis, refused to comply. The nobleman, somewhat nettled, said,
+rather hastily, "If I were to enter again into the service, I know what I
+would do."--"And pray what would you do?" inquired the minister in a
+furious tone. St. Andre recollected himself, and had the presence of mind
+to say, "I would take care to behave in such a manner, that your excellency
+should have nothing to reproach me with." Louvois, agreeably surprised at
+this reply, immediately granted his request.
+
+
+Carving.--An accomplished gentleman, when carving a tough goose, had the
+misfortune to send it entirely out of the dish, and into the lap of the
+lady next to him; on which he very coolly looked her full in the face, and
+with admirable gravity and calmness, said, "Madam, may I trouble you for
+that goose." In a case like this, a person must, necessarily, suffer so
+much, and be such an object of compassion to the company, that the kindest
+thing he can do is to appear as unmoved as possible.
+
+
+Lord Peterborough was once taken by the mob for the duke of Marlborough
+(who was then in disgrace with them), and being about to be roughly treated
+by these friends to summary justice, he told them, "Gentlemen, I can
+convince you, by two reasons, that I am not the duke of Marlborough. In the
+first place, I have only five guineas in my pocket; and, in the second,
+they are heartily at your service." So throwing his purse amongst them, he
+got out of their hands, with loud huzzas and acclamations.
+
+
+Fouche.--Napoleon sent for Fouche one day, in a great rage, told him that
+he was a fool, and not fit to be at the head of the police, as he was quite
+ignorant of what was passing. "Pardon me, Sire," said Fouche; "I know that
+your Majesty has my dismissal ready signed in your pocket." Napoleon
+changed his mind, and kept his Minister.
+
+
+Vendean Servant.--An unexampled instance of self-devotion and presence of
+mind was manifested by a maidservant, during the war in La Vendee. "The
+wife of Lepinai, a general in the Vendean army, was imprisoned at Nantes,
+and attended by a young girl, a native of Chatellerault, so faithfully
+attached to the service of her mistress that she had followed her to
+prison. One day the soldiers arrived to summon the prisoners who were
+destined to death: this faithful girl heard Madame Lepinai called, who had
+but an instant before retired to her chamber. Glad of the opportunity of
+saving the life of her beloved mistress, she presented herself, and
+answered to the name. The affectionate creature was instantly led away with
+the other prisoners, and precipitated among the waves of the Loire, in
+place of Madame Lepinai."
+
+
+The Gendarmes and the Priest.--During the Revolution a priest took refuge
+in the house of a farmer. Some gendarmes having heard of it came one
+evening to the house. The whole family were gathered round the hearth, and
+among them was the priest, disguised as a servant. When the soldiers
+entered every one grew pale; they asked the farmer if there was not a
+priest concealed in the house. "Gentlemen," returned he, without losing his
+presence of mind, "you see very well there is no priest here; but one might
+conceal himself in the house without my knowledge; so I will not prevent
+you from doing your duty; search the house from cellar to garret." Then he
+said to the priest, "I say, Jacques, take your lantern and show these
+gentlemen everywhere; let them see every corner of the farm." The gendarmes
+made a minute inspection of the house, uttering many imprecations and many
+menaces against the priest, promising themselves to pay him well for the
+trouble he had cost them, if they succeeded in discovering him. Seeing
+their search was useless, they prepared to leave. As they were going the
+farmer said, "Pray gentlemen, remember the boy." They gave the disguised
+priest a small coin, and thanking him for his civility took their leave.
+
+
+A housemaid in Upper Grosvenor Street, London, going to the cellar for a
+draught of ale, after the family had retired to bed, glided silently in
+without a candle. As she was feeling about for the cask, she put her hand
+upon something which she immediately perceived to be the head of a man. The
+girl, with great fortitude and presence of mind, forebore to cry out, but
+said, in a tone of impatience, "That stupid creature, Betty, is always
+putting the mops in the way." She then went on to the cask, quietly drew
+her beer, retired from the cellar, fastened the door, and then alarmed the
+house. The man was taken; and afterwards declared, that the maid was
+entirely indebted to her presence of mind for her life, for had she cried
+out, he would instantly have murdered her: but as he firmly believed she
+mistook his head for a mop, particularly as she had drawn the beer after
+she had felt it, he let her go without injury.
+
+
+King James the Fourth of Scotland, who used often to amuse himself in
+wandering about the country in different disguises, was once overtaken by a
+violent storm in a dark night, and obliged to take shelter in a cavern near
+Wemys. Having advanced some way in it, the king discovered a number of men
+and women ready to begin to roast a sheep, by way of supper. From their
+appearance, he began to suspect that he had not fallen into the best of
+company; but, as it was too late to retreat, he asked hospitality from them
+till the tempest was over. They granted it, and invited the king, whom they
+did not know, to sit down, and take part with them. They were a band of
+robbers and cut-throats. As soon as they had finished their supper, one of
+them presented a plate, upon which two daggers were laid in form of a St.
+Andrew's cross, telling the king, at the same time, that this was the
+dessert which they always served to strangers; that he must choose one of
+the daggers, and fight him whom the company should appoint to attack him.
+The king did not lose his presence of mind, but instantly seized the two
+daggers, one in each hand, and plunged them into the hearts of the two
+robbers who were next him; and running full speed to the mouth of the
+cavern, he escaped from their pursuit, through the obscurity of the night.
+The rest of the band were seized next morning and hanged.
+
+
+The Marquess del Campo.--When the attempt was made upon the life of George
+III., by Margaret Nicholson, who attempted to stab him as he was going to
+St. James's to hold a levee, a council was ordered to be held as soon as
+the levee was over. The Marquess del Campo, the Spanish ambassador, being
+apprised of that circumstance, and knowing that the council would detain
+the king in town three or four hours beyond the usual time, took post
+horses, and set off for Windsor. Alighting at the castle, he called upon a
+lady there with whom he was acquainted. The queen, finding that the king
+did not return at the usual time, and understanding that the marquess was
+in the palace, sent to ask him if he had been at the levee. He replied that
+he had, and that he had left his majesty in perfect health, going to
+council. When the king arrived, he, of course, told her majesty the
+extraordinary occurrence of the morning. The queen expressed great surprise
+that the Marquess del Campo, who had been nearly three hours in the palace,
+had not mentioned the subject to her; he was then sent for, when he told
+their majesties, that finding upon his arrival at the castle, that no
+rumour of the attempt upon the life of his majesty had reached the queen,
+he did not think it expedient to apprise her of it till his majesty's
+arrival gave full assurance of his safety; but, at the same time, fearing
+that some incorrect and alarming reports might be brought down, he deemed
+it right to remain in the palace, in order in that case, to be able to
+remove all apprehensions from her majesty's mind, by acquainting her with
+the real facts. The king, taking the ambassador graciously by the hand,
+complimented him on his presence of mind, and assured him, that he scarcely
+knew a man in the world to whom he was so much obliged.
+
+
+Miss Bailly.--A few days before the battle of Falkirk, so disastrous to the
+English army, Lord Loudon made a bold attempt to seize the Pretender at
+Moy, a castle belonging to the chief of the clan of Mackintosh, about six
+miles from Inverness, where he was then staying, and where he conceived
+himself in perfect security. His lordship would probably have succeeded in
+this design, but for the singular courage and presence of mind of a young
+girl. While some English officers were drinking in the house of Mrs.
+Bailly, an innkeeper in Inverness, and passing the time till the hour of
+setting out for the intended capture, her daughter, a girl of about
+thirteen or fourteen years of age, who happened to wait on them, paid great
+attention to their conversation, and from certain expressions which they
+dropped she discovered their design. As soon as she could do so unobserved,
+she left the house, escaped from the town, notwithstanding the vigilance of
+the sentinels, and took the road to Moy, running as fast as she was able,
+without shoes or stockings, which to accelerate her progress she had taken
+off, in order to inform the Prince of the danger which menaced him. She
+reached Moy, quite out of breath, before Lord Loudon and his troops; and
+the Prince had just time to escape, in his robe-de-chambre, nightcap, and
+slippers, to the neighbouring mountains, where he passed the night in
+concealment. This girl, to whom the Prince owed his life, was in great
+danger of losing her own, from the excessive fatigue and excitement; but by
+care and attention she eventually recovered.
+
+
+Servant at Noyon.--Some years ago, an instance of humanity and presence of
+mind occurred at a place called Noyon, in France, which well deserves to be
+commemorated. Four men, who were employed in cleansing a sewer, were so
+affected by the foetid vapours, that they were unable to ascend. The
+lateness of the hour (for it was eleven at night) rendered it difficult to
+procure assistance, and the delay must have been fatal, had not a young
+girl, a servant in the family, at the hazard of her own life, attempted
+their deliverance. This generous girl, who was only seventeen years of age,
+was, at her own request, let down several times to the poor men by a rope:
+she was so fortunate as to save two of them, but, in tying the third to the
+cord, which was let down to her for that purpose, she found her breath
+failing, and was so much affected by the vapour as to be in danger of
+suffocation. In this dreadful situation, she had the presence of mind to
+tie herself by her hair to the rope, and was drawn up almost expiring, with
+the poor man in whose behalf she had so humanely exerted herself. The
+corporation of the town of Noyon, as a small token of their approbation,
+presented the generous girl with six hundred livres, and conferred on her
+the civic crown, with a medal engraved with the arms of the town, her name,
+and a narrative of the action. The Duke of Orleans also sent her five
+hundred livres, and settled two hundred yearly on her for life.
+
+
+
+
+PRIDE OF RANK AND ANCESTRY.
+
+
+The anecdote is well known of the celebrated Dr. Busby keeping on his hat
+when visited by King Charles II., and apologizing for his apparent want of
+respect, by saying, that he should never be able to keep his scholars in
+subjection, if they thought that there was a greater man in the world than
+himself. The same feeling seems to have actuated the Gaelic chiefs, who
+were excessively proud of their rank and prerogatives. When the first
+Marquess of Huntly, then the chief of the clan Gordon, was presented at the
+court of James VI., he did not so much as incline his head before his
+sovereign. Being asked why he failed in this point of etiquette? he
+replied, that he had no intention whatever of showing any disrespect to his
+king, but that he came from a country where all the world were accustomed
+to bow down before him. A similar instance occurred with the head of
+another family. When George II. offered a patent of nobility to the chief
+of the Grants, the proud Celt refused it, saying, "Wha would then be Laird
+of Grant?"
+
+
+James I. in his progress into England, was entertained at Lumley Castle,
+the seat of the Earl of Scarborough. A relation of the noble earl was very
+proud in showing and explaining to his majesty an immense genealogical
+chart of the family, the pedigree of which he carried back rather farther
+than the greatest strength of credulity would allow. "I gude faith, man,"
+says the king, "it may be they are very true, but I did na ken before that
+Adam's name was Lumley."
+
+
+An anecdote is told of a gentleman in Monmouthshire, which exhibits the
+pride of ancestry in a curious point of view. His house was in such a state
+of dilapidation that the proprietor was in danger of perishing under the
+ruins of the ancient mansion, which he venerated even in decay. A stranger,
+whom he accidentally met at the foot of the Skyrrid, made various enquiries
+respecting the country, the prospects, and the neighbouring houses, and,
+among others, asked--"Whose is this antique mansion before us?" "That, sir,
+is Werndee, a very ancient house; for out of it came the Earls of Pembroke
+of the first line, and the Earls of Pembroke of the second line; the Lord
+Herberts of Cherbury, the Herberts of Coldbrook, Ramsay, Cardiff, and York;
+the Morgans of Acton; the Earl of Hunsdon; the houses of Ircowm and
+Lanarth, and all the Powells. Out of this house also, by the female line,
+came the Duke of Beaufort." "And pray, sir, who lives there now?" "I do,
+sir." "Then pardon me, and accept a piece of advice; come out of it
+yourself, or you'll soon be buried in the ruins of it."
+
+
+A curious anecdote is related respecting a contest for precedence, between
+the rival Welch Houses of Perthir and Werndee, which, though less bloody,
+was not less obstinate than that between the Houses of York and Lancaster.
+Mr. Proger, of Werndee, dining with a friend at Monmouth, proposed riding
+home in the evening; but his friend objecting because it was late and
+likely to rain, Mr. Proger replied, "With regard to the lateness of the
+hour, we shall have moonlight; and should it happen to rain, Perthir is not
+far from the road, and my cousin Powell will, I am sure, give us a night's
+lodging." They accordingly mounted their horses; but being soon overtaken
+by a violent shower, rode to Perthir, and found all the family retired to
+rest. Mr. Proger, however, calling to his cousin, Mr. Powell opened the
+window, and looking out, asked, "In the name of wonder, what means all this
+noise? Who is there?" "It is only I, your cousin Proger of Werndee, who am
+come to your hospitable door for shelter from the inclemency of the
+weather, and hope you will be so kind as to give my friend and me a
+lodging." "What! Is it you, cousin Proger? You and your friend shall be
+instantly admitted, but upon one condition, that you will allow, and never
+hereafter dispute, that I am the head of the family." "What did you say?"
+returned Mr. Proger. "Why, I say, if you expect to pass the night in my
+house, you must allow that I am the head of the family." "No, sir, I never
+will admit that; were it to rain swords and daggers, I would ride this
+night to Werndee, rather than lower the consequence of my family. Come up,
+Bold, come up." "Stop a moment, cousin Proger; have you not often confessed
+that the first Earl of Pembroke (of the name of Herbert) was the youngest
+son of Perthir; and will you set yourself above the Earls of Pembroke?"
+"True, I must give place to the Earl of Pembroke, because he is a peer of
+the realm; but still, though a peer, he is of the youngest branch of my
+family, being descended from the fourth son of Werndee, who was your
+ancestor, and settled at Perthir; whereas I am descended from the eldest
+son. Indeed, my cousin Jones of Lanarth is of an older branch than you, and
+yet he never disputes that I am the head of the family." "Why, cousin
+Proger, I have nothing more to say; so, good night to you." "Stop a moment,
+Mr. Powell," said the stranger, "you see how it pours; do admit me at
+least; I will not dispute with you about our families." "Pray, sir, what is
+your name, and where do you come from?" "My name is * * *, and I come from
+the county of * * *." "A Saxon of course; it would be very curious indeed,
+sir, should I dispute with a Saxon about families; no, sir, you must suffer
+for the obstinacy of your friend, and so a pleasant ride to you both."
+
+
+
+
+PUNCTUALITY.
+
+
+A Quarter of an Hour.--When Lord Nelson was leaving London, on his last,
+but glorious, expedition against the enemy, a quantity of cabin furniture
+was ordered to be sent on board his ship. He had a farewell dinner party at
+his house; and the upholsterer having waited upon his lordship, with an
+account of the completion of the goods, was brought into the dining-room,
+in a corner of which his lordship spoke with him. The upholsterer stated to
+his employer, that everything was finished, and packed, and would go in the
+wagon, from a certain inn, at _six o'clock_. "And you go to the inn, Mr.
+A., and see them off?" "I shall, my lord; I shall be there _punctually at
+six_." "_A quarter before six_, Mr. A.," returned Lord Nelson, "be there _a
+quarter before six_. To that _quarter of an hour_ I owe everything in
+life."
+
+
+Mr. Scott, of Exeter, travelled on business till about eighty years of age.
+He was one of the most celebrated characters in the kingdom for
+punctuality, and by his methodical conduct, joined to uniform diligence, he
+gradually amassed a fortune. For a long series of years, the proprietor of
+every inn he frequented in Devon and Cornwall knew the day, and the very
+hour, he would arrive. A short time before he died, a gentleman on a
+journey in Cornwall stopped at a small inn at Port Isaac to dine. The
+waiter presented him with a bill of fare, which he did not approve of; but
+observing a fine duck roasting, "I'll have that," said the traveller. "You
+cannot, sir," said the landlord; "it is for Mr. Scott of Exeter." "I know
+Mr. Scott very well," rejoined the gentlemen; "he is not in your house."
+"True, sir," said the landlord, "but _six months ago, when he was here
+last, he ordered a duck to be ready for him this day, precisely at two
+o'clock;_" and, to the astonishment of the traveller, he saw the old
+gentleman, on his Rosinante, jogging into the inn-yard about five minutes
+before the appointed time.
+
+
+Sir W. Scott.--A gentleman who, in the year 1826, travelled with Sir Walter
+Scott in the coach from Edinburgh to Jedburgh, relates the following
+anecdote illustrative of his regard for punctuality, and his willingness to
+serve all who placed confidence in him, particularly those engaged in
+literary pursuits.--"We had performed half the journey," writes our
+informant, "when Sir Walter started as from a dream, exclaiming: 'Oh, my
+friend G----, I have forgotten you till this moment!' A short mile brought
+us to a small town, where Sir Walter ordered a post-chaise, in which he
+deposited his luggage, consisting of a well-worn short hazel stick, and a
+paper parcel containing a few books; then, much to my regret, he changed
+his route, and returned to the Scottish capital. The following month I was
+again in Edinburgh, and curiosity induced me to wait on the friend G----
+apostrophised by Sir Walter, and whose friendship I had the honour to
+possess. The cause of Sir Walter's return, I was informed, was this:--He
+had engaged to furnish an article for a periodical conducted by my friend,
+but the promise had slipped from his memory--a most uncommon occurrence,
+for Sir Walter was gifted with the best of memories--until the moment of
+his exclamation. His instant return was the only means of retrieving the
+error. Retrieved, however, it was; and the following morning Mr. G----
+received several sheets of closely-written manuscript, the transcribing of
+which alone must have occupied half the night."
+
+
+
+
+ROBBERS.
+
+
+Candid Robber.--The duke of Ossuna, viceroy of Naples, once visited the
+galleys, and passing through the prisoners, he asked several of them what
+their offences were. All of them excused themselves upon various pretences;
+one said he was put in out of malice, another by bribery of the judge; but
+all of them declared they were punished unjustly. The duke came at last to
+a little black man, whom he questioned as to what he was there for. "My
+lord," said he, "I cannot deny but I am justly put in here; for I wanted
+money, and my family was starving, so I robbed a passenger near Tarragona
+of his purse." The duke, on hearing this, gave him a blow on the shoulder
+with his stick, saying, "You rogue, what are you doing here among so many
+honest, innocent men? Get you out of their company." The poor fellow was
+then set at liberty, while the rest were left to tug at the oar.
+
+
+Ingenious Contrivance.--Many years ago, when stagecoaches were not
+unfrequently attacked by highwaymen, a party was once travelling on a
+lonely road, when one of the gentlemen mentioned to the company that he had
+ten guineas with him, which he was afraid of losing. Upon this an elderly
+lady who sat next to him, advised him to take his money from his pocket,
+and slip it into his boot, which he did. Not long after the coach was
+attacked, when a highwayman rode up to the window, on the lady's side, and
+demanded her money; upon which she immediately whispered to him that if he
+would examine that gentleman's boot, he would find ten guineas. The man
+took the hint, and the gentleman was obliged to submit patiently; but when
+the robber had gone, he loaded his fellow-traveller with abuse, declaring
+her to be in confederacy with the highwayman. She replied that certainly
+appearances were against her; but if the company in the stage would sup at
+her house the following evening, she would explain a conduct which appeared
+so mysterious. After a debate among themselves, they consented to go the
+next evening according to her invitation. They were ushered into a
+magnificent room, where an elegant supper was served, after which, the lady
+taking a pocket-book from her pocket, showed that it contained various
+notes to the amount of several hundred pounds, and addressing herself to
+the gentleman who had been robbed: "I thought, sir," said she, "it was
+better to lose ten guineas, than all this valuable property, which I had
+about me last night; and I have now the pleasure of returning what you so
+kindly lent me."
+
+
+Reclaimed Felons.--The late Dr. Lettsom says, "I have been so happy as to
+reform two highwaymen who had robbed me; and from this I think that few of
+our fellow-creatures are so hardened, as to be impenetrable to repentance.
+One of these men has since been twice in the Gazette promotions, as a
+military officer. The other married, and became a respectable farmer in
+Surrey."
+
+
+A similar story is told by the celebrated Rowland Hill. He was attacked by
+a highwayman, whom he succeeded in convincing of the evil of his way of
+life, and who afterwards became a most faithful servant to him. The secret
+was never revealed by Mr. Hill until the death of the servant.
+
+
+
+
+SAILORS.
+
+
+The Wounded Sailor.--When Admiral Benbow was a common sailor, his messmate,
+who was stationed with him at the same gun, lost his leg by a cannon shot.
+The poor fellow instantly called out to his friend, who immediately took
+him up on his shoulder, and began with great care to descend with him into
+the cockpit; but it happened that just as the poor fellow's head came upon
+a level with the deck, another ball carried that off also. Benbow,
+however, knew nothing of the matter, but carried the body down to the
+surgeon, and when he came to the bottom of the ladder, called out that he
+had brought him a patient, desiring some one to bear a hand, and help him
+easily down. The surgeon turned about, but instead of giving any
+assistance, exclaimed, "You blockhead, what do you do here with a man that
+has lost his head?" "Lost his head!" says Benbow; "the lying fellow, why he
+told me it was his leg; but I never in my life believed what he said
+without being sorry for it afterwards."
+
+
+When Lieutenant O'Brien (who was called Skyrocket Jack) was blown up at
+Spithead, in the _Edgar_, he was on the carriage of a gun, and when brought
+to the admiral, all black and wet, he said with pleasantry, "I hope, sir,
+you will excuse my dirty appearance, for I came out of the ship in so great
+a hurry, that I had not time to shift myself."
+
+
+A painter was employed in painting a West India ship in the river,
+suspended on a stage under the ship's stern. The captain, who had just got
+into the boat alongside, for the purpose of going ashore, ordered the boy
+to let go the painter (the rope which makes fast the boat); the boy
+instantly went aft, and let go the rope by which the painter's stage was
+held. The captain, surprised at the boy's delay, cried out, "Heigh-ho,
+there, you lazy lubber, why don't you let go the painter?" The boy replied,
+"He's gone, sir, pots and all."
+
+
+Precedence.--At a grand review of the fleet at Portsmouth by George III.,
+in 1789, there was a boy who mounted the shrouds with so much agility, as
+to surprise every spectator. The king particularly noticed it, and said to
+Lord Lothian, "Lothian, I have heard much of your agility, let us see you
+run up after that boy." "Sire," replied Lord Lothian, "it is my duty to
+_follow your majesty_."
+
+
+Admiral Haddock, when on his death-bed, called his son, and thus addressed
+him: "Considering my rank in life, and public services for so many years,
+I shall leave you but a small fortune; but, my boy, it is honestly got, and
+will wear well; there are no seamen's wages or provisions, nor one single
+penny of dirty money, in it."
+
+
+An Odd Shot.--An English frigate was obliged to strike to a French vessel
+of superior force. The English captain, on resigning his sword, was
+reproached by the French commander for having, contrary to the usages of
+war, shot pieces of glass from his guns. The English officer, conscious
+that no such thing had been done, made inquiry into the matter among his
+men, and found the fact to be this. An Irish seaman, just before the vessel
+struck, took a parcel of shillings out of his pocket, and swearing the
+French should have none of them, wrapped them in a piece of rag, and thrust
+them into his gun, exclaiming, "Let us see what a _bribe_ can do!" These
+shillings, flying about the vessel, were mistaken by the French for glass.
+The above explanation not only satisfied them, but put them in great good
+humour with their captives.
+
+
+A Child on Board.--A child of one of the crew of His Majesty's ship
+_Peacock_, during the action with the American vessel _Hornet_, occupied
+himself in chasing a goat between decks. Not in the least terrified by the
+destruction and death which was going on all around him, he continued his
+amusement till a cannon-ball came and took off both the hind legs of the
+goat; when seeing her disabled, he jumped astride her, crying, "Now I've
+caught you." This singular anecdote is related in a work called "Visits of
+Mercy," (New York.)
+
+
+Grog.--The British sailors had always been accustomed to drink their
+allowance of brandy or rum pure, until Admiral Vernon ordered those under
+his command to mix it with water. The innovation gave great offence to the
+sailors, and, for a time, rendered the commander very unpopular among them.
+The admiral, at that time, wore a grogram coat, for which reason they
+nick-named him "Old Grog," hence, by degrees, the mixed liquor he
+introduced universally obtained the name of "_Grog_."
+
+
+Navy Chaplains.--When the Earl of Clancarty was captain of a man-of-war,
+and was cruising on the coast of Guinea, he happened to lose his chaplain
+by a fever, on which the lieutenant, who was a Scotchman, gave him notice
+of it, saying, at the same time, "that he was sorry to inform him that he
+died in the Roman Catholic religion." "Well, so much the better," said his
+lordship. "Oot, oot, my lord, how can you say so of a British clergyman?"
+"Why," said his lordship, "because I believe I am the first captain of a
+man-of-war that could boast of having a chaplain _who had any religion at
+all_."
+
+
+Bishop and his Clerks.--A fleet of merchant ships, on their return from
+Spain, about three hundred years ago, were shipwrecked on the fatal rocks
+on which Sir Cloudsley Shovel was cast away: among these unfortunate men
+none were saved but three, viz. _Miles Bishop_, and _James_ and _Henry
+Clerk_, who were miraculously preserved on a broken mast. From this
+accident the rocks took the name they bear, "The Bishop and his Clerks."
+
+
+Dey of Algiers.--When Admiral Keppel was sent to the Dey of Algiers, to
+demand restitution of two ships which the pirates had taken, he sailed with
+his squadron into the bay of Algiers, and cast anchor in front of the Dey's
+palace. He then landed, and, attended only by his captain and barge's crew,
+demanded an immediate audience of the Dey; this being granted, he claimed
+full satisfaction for the injuries done to the subjects of his Britannic
+Majesty. Surprised and enraged at the boldness of the admiral's
+remonstrance, the Dey exclaimed, "That he wondered at the king's insolence
+in sending him a foolish beardless boy." To this the admiral made a
+spirited reply, which caused the Dey to forget the laws of all nations in
+respect to ambassadors, and he ordered his mutes to attend with the
+bowstring, at the same time telling the admiral he should pay for his
+audacity with his life. Unmoved by this menace, the admiral took the Dey to
+a window facing the bay, and showed him the English fleet riding at
+anchor, and told him, that if he dared to put him to death, there were
+Englishmen enough in that fleet to make him a glorious funeral pile. The
+Dey was wise enough to take the hint. The admiral obtained ample
+restitution, and came off in safety.
+
+
+A Timely Answer.--When Admiral Cornwallis commanded the _Canada_, a mutiny
+broke out in the ship, on account of some unavoidable delay in the clerks
+paying some of the crew, in consequence of which they signed what is termed
+a round robin, in which they declared, to a man, that they would not fire a
+gun till they were paid. Cornwallis, on receiving this declaration, caused
+all hands to be called on deck, and thus addressed them: "My lads, the
+money cannot be paid till we return to port, and as to your not fighting,
+that is mere nonsense:--I'll clap you alongside the first large ship of the
+enemy I see, and I know that the devil himself will not be able to keep you
+from it." The tars were so pleased with this compliment that they all
+returned to their duty, better satisfied than if they had been paid the
+money ten times over.
+
+
+
+
+SCHOOLS.
+
+
+Dr. Sheridan had a custom of ringing his scholars to prayers, in the
+school-room, at a certain hour every day. The boys were one day very
+attentively at prayers, except one, who was stifling a laugh as well as he
+could, which arose from seeing a rat descending from the bell-rope into the
+room. The poor boy could hold out no longer, but burst into an immoderate
+fit of laughter, which set the others off as soon as he pointed out to them
+the cause. Sheridan was so provoked that he declared he would whip them all
+if the principal culprit was not pointed out to him, which was immediately
+done. When this poor boy was hoisted up, and made ready for flogging, the
+witty school-master told him that if he said any thing tolerable on the
+occasion, as he looked on him as the greatest dunce in his school, he would
+forgive him. The trembling culprit, immediately addressed his master in the
+following lines.
+
+    There was a rat, for want of stairs,
+    Came down a rope--to go to prayers.
+
+Sheridan instantly dropped the rod, and, instead of a good whipping, gave
+him half-a-crown.
+
+
+Dr. Busby.--A scholar of Dr. Busby went into a parlour where the Doctor had
+laid down a fine bunch of grapes for his own eating, took it up, and said
+aloud, "I publish the banns between these grapes and my mouth; if any one
+knows any just cause or impediment why these two should not be joined
+together, let him declare it." The Doctor, being in the next room,
+overheard all that was said, and going into the school, ordered the boy who
+had eaten his grapes to be _horsed_ on another boy's back; but, before he
+proceeded to the usual discipline, he cried out aloud, as the delinquent
+had done: "I publish the banns between my rod and this boy's back; if any
+one knows any just cause or impediment why these two should not be joined
+together, let him declare it."--"I forbid the banns." said the boy--"Why
+so?" said the Doctor. "Because the parties are not agreed," replied the
+boy. This answer so pleased the Doctor, that he ordered the offender to be
+set free.
+
+
+An Appropriate Version.--The late Dr. Adam, Rector of the Grammar School,
+Edinburgh, was supposed by his scholars to exercise a strong partiality for
+such as were of patrician descent; and on one occasion was very smartly
+reminded of it by a boy of mean parentage, whom he was reprehending rather
+severely for his ignorance--much more so than the boy thought he would have
+done, had he been the son of a _right honourable_, or even less. "You
+dunce," exclaimed the rector, "I don't think you can even translate the
+motto of your own native place, of the _gude_ town of Edinburgh. What,
+sir, does '_Nisi Dominus frustra_,' mean?" "It means, sir," rejoined the
+boy, "that unless we are lords' sons, it is in vain to come here."
+
+
+A Choice.--At a recent examination at Marlborough House Grammar School, a
+piece written for the occasion, entitled "Satan's Address to Nena Sahib,"
+was to have been recited by two pupils. Only one of the pupils came
+forward, Mr. Barrett stating that he could not prevail upon any pupil to
+take the part of Nena Sahib, they having such an abhorrence to the
+character, though several had offered to take the part of the Devil.
+
+
+
+
+SERVANTS.
+
+
+Jonas Hanway having once advertised for a coachman, he had a great number
+of applicants. One of them he approved of, and told him, if his character
+answered, he would take him on the terms agreed on: "But," said he, "my
+good fellow, as I am rather a particular man, it may be proper to inform
+you, that every evening, after the business of the stable is done, I expect
+you to come to my house for a quarter of an hour to attend family prayers.
+To this I suppose you can have no objection."--"Why as to that, sir,"
+replied the fellow, "I doesn't see much to say against it; but I hope
+you'll consider it in my wages!"
+
+
+Coleridge, among his other speculations, started a periodical, in prose and
+verse, entitled _The Watchman_, with the motto, "that all might know the
+truth, and that the truth might make us free." He watched in vain! His
+incurable want of order and punctuality, and his philosophical theories,
+tired out his readers, and the work was discontinued after the ninth
+number. Of the unsaleable nature of this publication, he himself relates an
+amusing illustration. Happening one morning to rise at an earlier hour than
+usual, he observed his servant girl putting an extravagant quantity of
+paper into the grate in order to light the fire, and mildly checked her for
+her wastefulness: "La! sir," replied Nanny; "it's only _Watchmen_."
+
+
+The Marquis of Granby having returned from the army in Germany, travelled
+with all possible expedition from the English port at which he landed to
+London, and finding on his arrival that the king was at Windsor, he
+proceeded there in his travelling-dress; where desiring to be instantly
+introduced to his majesty, a certain lord came forward, who said he hoped
+the noble marquis did not mean to go into the presence of his majesty in so
+improper a habit, adding, "'Pon my honour, my lord, you look more like a
+_groom_ than a gentleman."--"Perhaps I may," replied the marquis, "and I
+give you my word, if you do not introduce me to the king this instant, I
+will _act_ like a groom, and _curry_ you in a way you won't like."
+
+
+The Schoolmaster Abroad.--A young woman meeting her former fellow-servant,
+was asked how she liked her place. "Very well."--"Then you have nothing to
+complain of?"--"Nothing; only master and missis talk such very bad grammar,
+and don't pronounce their H's."
+
+
+A Soldier's Wife.--The late Duchess of York having desired her housekeeper
+to seek out for a new laundress, a decent-looking woman was recommended to
+the situation. "But, (said the housekeeper) I am afraid that she will not
+suit your royal highness, as she is a soldier's wife, and these people are
+generally loose characters." "What is that you say, said the duke, who had
+just entered the room. A soldier's wife! Pray, madam, _what is your
+mistress?_ If that is all her fault, I desire that the woman may be
+immediately engaged."
+
+
+
+
+SIGNS.
+
+
+A Scotch Innkeeper, who had determined on adopting the sign of Flodden
+Well, was much puzzled for a suitable inscription. At length he waited on
+Sir Walter Scott, and asked his aid, observing, that "as he had written so
+much about it in _Marmion_, he might know something that would do for an
+inscription." The poet immediately replied, "Why, man, I think ye cannot do
+better than take a verse from the poem itself." The innkeeper expressed his
+willingness to do this, when Sir Walter said to him, "Well, then, you have
+nothing to do, but just to leave out one letter from the line
+
+    'Drink, weary traveller--drink and pray;'
+
+and say instead
+
+    'Drink, weary traveller--drink and pay!'"
+
+
+Dean Swift's barber one day told him that he had taken a public-house. "And
+what's your sign?" said the dean. "Oh, the pole and bason; and if your
+worship would just write me a few lines to put upon it, by way of motto, I
+have no doubt but it would draw me plenty of customers." The dean took out
+his pencil, and wrote the following couplet, which long graced the barber's
+sign:
+
+    "Rove not from _pole_ to _pole_, but step in here,
+    Where nought excels the _shaving_, but the _beer_."
+
+
+
+
+SOLDIERS.
+
+
+Equality in Danger.--The French General, Cherin, was once conducting a
+detachment through a very difficult defile. He exhorted his soldiers to
+endure patiently the fatigues of the march. "It is easy for you to talk,"
+said one of the soldiers near him; "you who are mounted on a fine
+horse--but we poor devils!"--On hearing these words, Cherin dismounted, and
+quickly proposed to the discontented soldier to take his place. The latter
+did so; but scarcely had he mounted, when a shot from the adjoining
+heights struck and killed him. "You see," says Cherin, addressing his
+troops, "that the most elevated place is not the least dangerous." After
+which he remounted his horse, and continued the march.
+
+
+Marshal Suwarrow in his march to the attack of Ockzakow, proceeded with
+such rapidity at the head of his advanced guard, that his men began to
+murmur at the fatigues they endured. The Marshal, apprized of this
+circumstance, after a long day's march, drew his men up in a hollow square,
+and addressing them, said, "that his legs had that day discovered some
+symptoms of mutiny, as they refused to second the impulses of his mind,
+which urged him forward to the attack of the enemy's fortress." He then
+ordered his boots to be taken off, and some of the drummers to advance with
+their cats, and flog his legs, which ceremony was continued till they bled
+considerably. He put on his boots again very coolly, expressing a hope that
+his legs would in future better know how to discharge their duty. The
+soldiers after that marched on without a murmur, struck at once with the
+magnanimity of their commander, and the ingenuity of his device to remind
+them of their duty.
+
+
+Brief Explanation.--A French colonel, in taking a redoubt from the Russians
+on the Moskwa, lost twelve hundred of his men, more than one half of whom
+remained dead in the entrenchment which they had so energetically carried.
+When Bonaparte the next morning reviewed this regiment, he asked the
+colonel what he had done with one of his battalions? "Sire," replied he,
+"it is in the redoubt."
+
+
+Death of a Hero.--At the battle of Malplaquet, in 1709, Marshal Villars was
+dangerously wounded, and desired to receive the Holy Sacrament. Being
+advised to receive in private, he said, "No, if the army cannot see me die
+like a hero, they shall see me die as a Christian."
+
+
+Magdeline de Savoie.--Anne Duc de Montmorenci, who was prime minister and
+great constable of France during the reigns of Francis I., Henry II.,
+Francis II., and Charles IX., was very unwilling to take up arms against
+the Prince of Conde and the Coligny's, to whom he was endeared by the ties
+of friendship, as well as those of consanguinity. He was however induced to
+give way by the following animated and forcible speech of his wife,
+Magdeline de Savoie: "It is then in vain, sir, that you have taken as a
+motto to your escutcheon, the word of command that your ancestors always
+gave at the outset of every battle in which they were engaged (_Dieu aide
+du premier Chretien_). If you do not fight with all your energy in defence
+of that religion which is now attempted to be destroyed, who then is to
+give an example of respect and of veneration for the Holy See, if not he
+who takes his very name, his arms, his nobility, from the first baron of
+France who professed the holy religion of Christ?"
+
+
+A Relay of Legs.--Rivardes, a Piedmontese, had attached himself to the
+house of France, and was much esteemed as a soldier. He had lost one of his
+legs, and had worn a wooden one for some time, when in an engagement a ball
+carried off the latter, leaving him the other safe and sound. On being
+raised up, he exclaimed laughingly, "What fools these fellows are! They
+would have saved their shot had they known that I had two others equally
+good among my baggage."
+
+
+Present!--During the Crimean war a French captain wrote to the Cure of his
+native place in these words: "I endeavour to regulate my affairs in such
+sort, that if God should address to me the call, I may be able to answer,
+_Present!_" Not long after this the brave captain met his death under the
+walls of Sebastopol.
+
+
+Quartering.--At an election for Shrewsbury, in the reign of George I., a
+half-pay officer, who was a nonresident burgess, was, with some other
+voters, brought down from London at the expense of Mr. Kynaston, one of the
+candidates. The old campaigner regularly attended and feasted at the houses
+which were opened for the electors in Mr. Kynaston's interest until the
+last day of the polling, when, to the astonishment of the party, he gave
+his vote to his opponent. For this strange conduct he was reproached by his
+quondam companions, and asked what could have induced him to act so
+dishonourable a part as to become an apostate. "An apostate," answered the
+old soldier, "an apostate! by no means--I made up my mind about whom I
+would vote for before I set out upon this campaign, but I remembered
+Marlborough's constant advice to us when I served with the army in
+Flanders, 'Always quarter upon the enemy, my lads--always quarter upon the
+enemy.'"
+
+
+Seeking for a Ball.--The Count de Grance being wounded in the knee with a
+musket ball, the surgeons made many incisions. At last, losing patience, he
+asked them why they treated him so unmercifully? "We are seeking for the
+ball," said they. "Why then did you not speak before?" said the Count, "I
+could have saved you the trouble, for I have it in my pocket."
+
+
+Turenne.--In the year 1675, the Council of Vienna sent Montecuculi to
+oppose Turenne, as the only officer that was thought to be a match for him.
+Both generals were perfect masters of the art of war. They passed four
+months in watching each other, and in marches and counter-marches; at
+length Turenne thought he had got his rival into such a situation as he
+wanted, near Saltsbach, when, going to choose a place to erect a battery,
+he was unfortunately struck by a cannon shot, which killed him on the spot.
+The same ball having carried away the arm of St. Hilaire,
+lieutenant-general of the artillery, his son, who was near, could not
+forbear weeping. "Weep not for me," said Hilaire, "but for the brave man
+who lies there, whose loss to his country nothing can repair."
+
+
+Generosity of Turenne.--The deputies of a great metropolis in Germany, once
+offered the great Turenne one hundred thousand crowns not to pass with his
+army through their city. "Gentlemen," said he, "I cannot in conscience
+accept your money, as I had no intention to pass that way."
+
+
+
+
+TEMPER.
+
+
+Henderson, the actor, was seldom known to be in a passion. When at Oxford,
+he was one day debating with a fellow student, who, not keeping his temper,
+threw a glass of wine in the actor's face; upon which Henderson took out
+his handkerchief, wiped his face, and coolly said, "That, sir, was a
+digression; now for the argument."
+
+
+Peter the Great made a law in 1722, that if any nobleman beat or ill-treat
+his slaves he should be looked upon as insane, and a guard should be
+appointed to take care of his person and his estate. This great monarch
+once struck his gardener, who being a man of great sensibility, took to his
+bed, and died in a few days. Peter, hearing of this, exclaimed, with tears
+in his eyes, "Alas! I have civilized my own subjects; I have conquered
+other nations; yet I have not been able to civilize or conquer myself."
+
+
+Fletcher, of Saltown, is well known to have possessed a most irritable
+temper. His footman desired to be dismissed. "Why do you leave me?" said
+he. "Because, sir," to speak the truth, "I cannot bear your temper." "To be
+sure, I am passionate, but my passion is no sooner on than it is off."
+"Yes, sir," replied the servant, "but then it is no sooner off than it is
+on."
+
+
+A Neat Reply.--In certain debates in the House of Lords, in 1718, the bills
+proposed were opposed by Bishop Atterbury, who said, "he had prophesied
+last winter, that this bill would be attempted in the present session, and
+he was sorry to find he had proved a true prophet." Lord Coningsby, who
+usually spoke in a passion, rose, and remarked, that "one of the right
+reverends had set himself forth as a prophet; but for his part, he did not
+know what prophet to liken him to, unless to that famous prophet Balaam,
+who was reproved by his own ass." The bishop, in reply, with great
+readiness and temper exposed this rude attack, concluding in these words:
+"Since the noble lord hath discovered in our manners such a similitude, I
+must be content to be compared to the prophet Balaam; but, my lords, I am
+at a loss how to make out the other part of the parallel. I am sure that I
+have been reproved by nobody but his lordship." From that day forth, Lord
+Coningsby was called "Atterbury's Pad."
+
+
+Dr. Hough, of Worcester, was remarkable for evenness of temper, of which
+the following story affords a proof. A young gentleman, whose family had
+been well acquainted with the doctor, in making the tour of England before
+he went abroad, called to pay his respects to him as he passed by his seat
+in the country. It happened to be at dinner-time, and the room full of
+company. The bishop, however, received him with much familiarity; but the
+servant in reaching him a chair, threw down a curious weather-glass that
+had cost twenty guineas, and broke it. The gentleman was under infinite
+concern, and began to make an apology for being the occasion of the
+accident, when the bishop with great good nature interrupted him. "Be under
+no concern, sir," said his lordship, smiling, "for I am much beholden to
+you for it. We have had a very dry season; and now I hope we shall have
+rain. I never saw the glass so _low_ in my life." Every one was pleased
+with the humour and pleasantry of the turn; and the more so, as the Doctor
+was then more than eighty, a time of life when the infirmities of old age
+make most men peevish and hasty.
+
+
+A Test.--A cobbler at Leyden, who used to attend the public disputations
+held at the academy, was once asked if he understood Latin? "No," replied
+the mechanic, "but it is easy to know who is wrong in the argument." "How?"
+enquired his friend. "Why, by seeing who is first angry."
+
+
+Casaubon, in his "Treatise on the Passions," relates the following pleasing
+anecdote of Robert, one of the greatest monarchs that ever swayed the
+sceptre of France. Having once surprised a rogue who had cut away the half
+of his mantle, he took no other notice of the offence than by saying
+mildly to him, "Save thyself, sinner, and leave the rest for another who
+may have need of it."
+
+
+Garrick once complained to Sir Joshua Reynolds of the abuse with which he
+was loaded by Foote, when Sir Joshua answered, that Foote, in so doing,
+gave the strongest possible proof of being in the wrong; as it was always
+the man who had the worst side who became violent and abusive.
+
+
+
+
+TIME, VALUE OF.
+
+
+Spare Moments.--The great French Chancellor D'Aguesseau carefully employed
+every moment of his time. Observing that Madame D'Aguesseau always delayed
+ten or twelve minutes before she came down to dinner, he began to compose a
+work to which he intended to devote these few minutes, which would
+otherwise have been lost. The result was, at the end of fifteen years, a
+work in three large quarto volumes, which went through several editions.
+
+
+Buffon thus relates the manner in which he acquired a habit of early
+rising. "In my youth," says he, "I was excessively fond of sleep, and that
+indolence robbed me of much time. My poor Joseph (a domestic who served him
+for sixty-five years) was of the greatest benefit to me in overcoming it. I
+promised him a crown for every time he should make me get up at six
+o'clock. He failed not the next day to rouse me, but I only abused and
+threatened him. He tried the day following, and I did the same, which made
+him desist. 'Friend Joseph,' said I to him at last, 'I have lost my time
+and you have gained nothing. You do not know how to manage the matter.
+Think only of my promise, and do not regard my threatenings.' The day
+following he accomplished his point. At first I begged, then entreated and
+abused, and would have discharged him; but he disregarded me, and raised me
+up by absolute force. He had his reward every day for my ill-humour at the
+moment of waking, by thanks, and a crown an hour after. I owe to poor
+Joseph at least ten or twelve volumes of my works."
+
+
+Cuvier, the celebrated naturalist, was singularly careful of his time, and
+did not like those who entered his house to deprive him of it. "I know,"
+said he, "that Monsieur l'Abbe Hauy comes to see _me_; our conversation is
+an exchange; but I do not want a man to come and tell me whether it is hot
+or cold, raining or sunshine. My barometer and thermometer know more than
+all possible visitors; and in my studies in natural history," added he, "I
+have not found in the whole animal kingdom a species, or class, or family,
+who frighten me so much as the numerous family of _idlers_"
+
+
+Dr. Pepusch.--"In one of my visits, very early in life, to that venerable
+master, Dr. Pepusch," says Dr. Burney, "he gave me a short lesson, which
+made so deep an impression that I long endeavoured to practise it. 'When I
+was a young man,' said he, 'I determined never to go to bed at night, till
+I knew something that I did not know in the morning.'"
+
+
+
+
+TRAVELLING.
+
+
+A Tiresome Companion.--The celebrated George Selwyn was once travelling,
+and was interrupted by the frequent impertinence of a companion, who was
+constantly teasing him with questions, and asking him how he did. "How are
+you now, sir?" said the impertinent. George, in order to get rid of his
+importunity, replied, "Very well: and I intend to continue so all the rest
+of the journey."
+
+
+Charles Lamb.--A farmer, by chance a companion in a coach with Charles
+Lamb, kept boring him to death with questions, in the jargon of
+agriculturists, about crops. At length he put a poser--"And pray, sir, how
+are turnips this year?" "Why that, sir," stammered out Lamb, "will depend
+upon the boiled legs of mutton."
+
+
+Clans.--An English gentleman travelling through the Highlands, came to the
+inn of Letter Finlay, in the braes of Lochaber. He saw no person near the
+inn, and knocked at the door. No answer. He knocked repeatedly with as
+little success; he then opened the door, and walked in. On looking about,
+he saw a man lying on a bed, whom he hailed thus: "Are there any Christians
+in this house?" "No," was the reply, "we are all Camerons."
+
+
+Welcome Sight.--A writer of a modern book of travels, relating the
+particulars of his being cast away, thus concludes: "After having walked
+eleven hours without having traced the print of human foot, to my great
+comfort and delight, I saw a man hanging upon a gibbet; my pleasure at the
+cheering prospect was inexpressible; for it convinced me that I was in a
+civilized country!"
+
+
+
+
+WAR.
+
+
+Camp Dinner.--During the war, in which the eccentric Count Schaumbourg
+Lippe commanded the artillery in the army of Prince Frederick of Brunswick,
+against the French, he one day invited several Hanoverian officers to dine
+with him in his tent. When the company were in high spirits, and full of
+gaiety, several cannon balls flew in different directions about the tent.
+"The French," exclaimed the officers, "are not far off." "No, no," replied
+the Count, "the enemy, I assure you, are at a great distance; keep your
+seats." The firing soon afterwards recommenced; when one of the balls
+carrying away the top of the tent, the officers suddenly rose from their
+chairs, exclaiming, "The French are here!" "No," replied the Count, "the
+French are not here; and, therefore, gentlemen, I desire you will again sit
+down, and rely upon my word." The balls continued to fly about; the
+officers, however, continued to eat and drink without apprehension, though
+not without whispering their conjectures to each other upon the singularity
+of their entertainment. The Count, at length, rose from the table, and
+addressing himself to the company, said, "Gentlemen, I was willing to
+convince you how well I can rely upon the officers of my artillery; for I
+ordered them to fire during the time we continued at dinner, at the
+pinnacle of the tent, and they have executed my orders with great
+punctuality."
+
+
+A Ragged Regiment.--In 1690, the French attacked and defeated the Prince of
+Waldeck at Fleurus. During this action, a lieutenant-colonel of a French
+regiment was on the point of charging. Not knowing how to animate his men,
+who were discontented at having commenced the campaign without being fresh
+clothed, he said to them, "My friends, I congratulate you, that you have
+the good fortune to be in presence of a regiment newly clothed. Charge them
+vigorously, and we will clothe ourselves." This pleasantry so inspired the
+soldiers, that they rushed on, and speedily defeated the regiment.
+
+
+The Ladies of Beauvais.--Charles the Bold, Duke of Burgundy, laid siege to
+the City of Beauvais in the year 1472. After investing it closely for
+twenty-one days, his troops made a general assault, and were on the point
+of carrying the place, when a band of women, headed by a lady of the name
+of Jeanne Hachette, rushing to the walls, opposed such a resistance, with
+showers of stones, and other missiles, that the tide of fortune was
+instantaneously turned. A Burgundian officer, who attempted to plant the
+duke's standard on the walls, was fiercely attacked by Jeanne Hachette,
+who, snatching the standard from his hands, threw him headlong over the
+wall. The assailants, in short, were completely repulsed; nor was the
+distaff, once thrown aside, resumed, till the ladies of Beauvais had forced
+the Duke of Burgundy to retire in shame from their walls. In memory of this
+gallant achievement, the Municipality of Beauvais ordered a general
+procession of the inhabitants to take place every year, on the 10th of
+July, the day on which the siege was raised, in which the ladies were to
+have the privilege of preceding the men. As long as Jeanne Hachette lived,
+she marched in this annual procession, at the head of the women, bearing
+the standard which she had captured from the Burgundian officer; and at
+her death this standard was deposited in the church of the Dominicans, and
+a portrait of the heroine placed in the Town-Hall of Beauvais.
+
+
+Charles XII. was dictating a letter to his secretary during the siege of
+Stralsund, when a bomb fell through the roof into the next room of the
+house where they were sitting. The terrified secretary let the pen drop
+from his hand. "What is the matter?" said Charles, calmly. The secretary
+replied, "Ah, sire, the bomb!" "But what has the bomb to do," said Charles,
+"with what I am dictating to you?--go on."
+
+
+Gonsalvo of Cordova.--In an engagement which the Spaniards fought under
+Gonsalvo of Cordova, their powder-magazine was blown up by the first
+discharge of the enemy; but so far was this from discouraging the general,
+that he immediately cried out to his soldiers, "My brave boys, the victory
+is ours! Heaven tells us by this signal that we shall have no further
+occasion for our artillery." This confidence of the general passed on to
+the soldiers; they rushed to the contest, and gained a complete victory.
+
+
+Algerine Captain.--Louis XIV., who had once bombarded Algiers, ordered the
+Marquess du Quesne to bombard it a second time, in order to punish the
+treachery and insolence of the Moors. The despair in which the Corsairs
+found themselves at not being able to beat the fleet off their coasts,
+caused them to bring all the French slaves, and fasten them to the mouths
+of their cannon, where they were blown to pieces, the different limbs of
+their bodies falling even among the French ships. An Algerine captain, who
+had been taken on a cruize, and well treated by the French while he had
+been their prisoner, one day perceived, among those unfortunate Frenchmen
+who were doomed to the cruel fate just mentioned, an officer named
+Choiseul, from whom he had received the most signal acts of kindness. The
+Algerine immediately begged, entreated, and solicited in the most pressing
+manner, to save the life of the generous Frenchman; but all in vain. At
+last, when they were going to fire the cannon to which Choiseul was fixed,
+the captain threw himself on the body of his friend, and closely embracing
+him in his arms, said to the cannonier, "Fire! since I cannot serve my
+benefactor, I shall at least have the consolation of dying with him." The
+Dey, in whose presence this scene passed, was so affected with it, that he
+commanded the French officer to be set free.
+
+
+Marshal Boufflers.--A few days previous to the battle of Malplaquet, it was
+publicly talked of at Versailles, that a very important battle would soon
+take place between the French army commanded by Marshal Villars, and the
+allied army under Prince Eugene and Marlborough. Louis XIV., who for some
+years had met with many mortifying repulses, seemed to be very uneasy about
+the event. Marshal Boufflers, in order to quiet in some degree the
+perturbation of his sovereign's mind, offered, though a senior officer to
+Villars, to go and serve under him, sacrificing all personal considerations
+to the glory of his country. His proposal was accepted, and he repaired to
+the camp. On his arrival, a very singular contest took place between the
+two commanders. Villars desired to have Boufflers for his leader; but the
+latter persisted in yielding him all the glory, while he shared the danger.
+No event in the life of Boufflers ever contributed more to render his name
+illustrious. Marshal Villars, who commanded the left wing at the battle,
+being obliged to retire on account of a wound he had received, Marshal
+Boufflers charged the enemy six times after this accident; but finding they
+had made themselves master of a wood through which they penetrated into the
+centre of the French army, he yielded them the field of battle, and made a
+retreat in such good order, that the allies declined pursuing him.
+
+
+War by Candle Light.--Shortly after the commencement of the last Peninsular
+war, a tax was laid on candles, which, as a political economist would
+prove, made them dearer. A Scotch wife, in Greenock, remarked to her
+chandler that the price was raised, and asked why. "It's a' owin' to the
+war," said he. "The war!" said the astonished matron, "gracious me! are
+they gaun to fight by candle licht?"
+
+
+Admiral Duncan's address to the officers of his fleet, when they came on
+board his ship for his final instructions, previous to the memorable
+engagement with Admiral De Winter, was couched in the following laconic and
+humorous words:--"Gentlemen of my Fleet, you see a very severe WINTER fast
+approaching; and I have only to advise you to keep up a good FIRE!"
+
+
+A Noble Enemy.--When the _Laura_ and _Andromeda_ frigates were wrecked in a
+violent hurricane in the West Indies, on the coast of the Martinique,
+thirty-five men were thrown ashore alive. The Marquess de Bouille, on
+hearing of the circumstance, took them to his house, where he treated them
+most hospitably. After he had cured them of their bruises and sickness, and
+had clothed them from head to foot, he sent them with a flag of truce to
+the commanding officer of St. Lucia, with a letter, stating that these men
+having experienced the horrors of shipwreck, he would not add those of war,
+and had therefore set them free, and at liberty again to serve their
+country.
+
+
+French Grenadier.--During the assault of Thurot on the town of
+Carrickfergus in 1760, an incident took place, reflecting at once the
+highest lustre on the soldier concerned, and evincing the union of
+consummate courage with noble humanity. Whilst the combatants were opposed
+to each other in the streets, and every inch was pertinaciously disputed by
+the British forces, a child by some accident escaped from a house in the
+midst of the scene of action, and ran, unawed by the danger, into the
+narrow interval between the hostile fronts. One of the French grenadiers
+seeing the imminent danger of the child, grounded his piece; left the ranks
+in the hottest fire; took the child in his arms, and placed it in safety in
+the house from which it had come, and then with all possible haste returned
+to resume his part in the fight.
+
+
+George I.--During the siege of Fort St. Philip, a young lieutenant of
+marines was so unfortunate as to lose both his legs by a chain-shot. In
+this miserable and helpless condition he was conveyed to England, and a
+memorial of his case presented to a board; but nothing more than half-pay
+could be obtained. Major Manson had the poor lieutenant conducted to court
+on a public day, in his uniform; where, posted in the ante-room, and
+supported by two of his brother officers, he cried out, as the king was
+passing to the drawing-room, "Behold, sire, a man who refuses to bend his
+knee to you; he has lost both in your service." The king, struck no less by
+the singularity of his address, than by the melancholy object before him,
+stopped, and hastily demanded what had been done for him. "Half-pay,"
+replied the lieutenant, "and please your majesty." "Fye, fye on't," said
+the king, shaking his head; "but let me see you again next levee-day." The
+lieutenant did not fail to appear, when he received from the immediate hand
+of royalty a present of five hundred pounds, and an annuity of two hundred
+pounds a-year for life.
+
+
+Charles VI.--At the breaking out of the war against the Turks, in the year
+1717, the Emperor Charles VI. of Austria took leave of his general, Prince
+Eugene, with the following words: "Prince, I have set over you a general,
+who is always to be called to your council, and in whose name all your
+operations are to be undertaken." With this he put into his hand a
+crucifix, richly set with diamonds, at the foot of which was the following
+inscription, 'Jesus Christus Generalissimus.'--"Forget not," added the
+Emperor, "that you are fighting his battles who shed his blood for man upon
+the Cross. Under his supreme guidance, attack and overwhelm the enemies of
+Christ and Christianity."
+
+
+George the Second.--It was once found an impracticable task to make George
+the Second acquiesce in a judgment passed by a court-martial on the conduct
+of two officers high in the army. One of the officers had made himself
+amenable to military law, by fighting in opposition to the orders of his
+commander in chief, instead of retreating; by which act of disobedience,
+the general's plans were frustrated. On these circumstances being detailed
+to the king, his majesty exclaimed, "Oh! the one fight, the other run
+away." "Your majesty will have the goodness to understand, that General
+---- did not run away; it was necessary for the accomplishment of his
+schemes, that he should cause the army to retreat at that critical moment;
+this he would have conducted with his wonted skill, but for the breach of
+duty in the officer under the sentence of the court-martial." "I
+understand," impatiently returned the king; "one fight, he was right; the
+other run away, he was wrong." It was in vain that ministers renewed their
+arguments and explanations; his majesty could not, or would not, understand
+the difference between a disgraceful flight and a politic retreat; they
+were therefore obliged to end a discussion which merely drew forth the
+repetition of the same judgment--"The one face the enemy and fight, he
+right; the other turn his back and not fight, he wrong."
+
+
+Ximenes.--At the siege of Oran, in Africa, Cardinal Ximenes led the Spanish
+troops to the breach, mounted on a charger, dressed in his pontifical
+robes, and preceded by a monk on horseback, who bore his archiepiscopal
+cross. "Go on, go on, my children," exclaimed he to the soldiers, "I am at
+your head. A priest should think it an honour to expose his life for his
+religion. I have an example in my predecessors, in the archbishopric of
+Toledo. Go on to victory." When his victorious troops took possession of
+the town, he burst into tears on seeing the number of the dead that were
+lying on the ground; and was heard to say to himself, "They were indeed
+infidels, but they might have become Christians. By their death, they have
+deprived us of the principal advantage of the victory we have gained over
+them."
+
+
+An Odd Grenadier.--During the famous siege of Gibraltar, in the absence of
+the fleet, and when an attack was daily expected, one dark night, a
+sentinel, whose post was near a tower facing the Spanish lines, was
+standing at the end of his walk, looking towards them, his head filled
+with nothing but fire and sword, miners, breaching, storming, and
+bloodshed, while by the side of his box stood a deep narrow-necked earthen
+jug, in which was the remainder of his supper, consisting of boiled pease.
+A large monkey (of which there were plenty at the top of the rock),
+encouraged by the man's absence, and allured by the smell of the pease,
+ventured to the jug; and, in endeavouring to get at its contents, thrust
+his neck so far into the jug, as to be unable to withdraw it. At this
+instant, the soldier approaching, the monkey started up to escape, with the
+jug on his head. This terrible monster no sooner saluted the eyes of the
+sentry, than his frantic imagination converted poor pug into a
+blood-thirsty Spanish grenadier, with a tremendous cap on his head. Full of
+this dreadful idea, he instantly fired his piece, roaring out that the
+enemy had scaled the walls. The guards took the alarm; the drums were beat;
+signal-guns fired; and in less than ten minutes, the governor and his whole
+garrison were under arms. The supposed grenadier, being very much
+incommoded by his cap, and almost blinded by the pease, was soon overtaken
+and seized; and by this capture, the tranquillity of the garrison was soon
+restored, without that slaughter and bloodshed which every man had
+prognosticated at the beginning of this dire alarm.
+
+
+
+
+MISCELLANEOUS.
+
+
+Dunning.--The witty Lord Ross, having spent all his money in London, set
+out for Ireland, in order to recruit his purse. On his way, he happened to
+meet with Sir Murrough O'Brien, driving for the capital in a handsome
+phaeton, with six prime dun-coloured horses. "Sir Murrough," exclaimed his
+lordship, "what a contrast there is betwixt you and me! You are driving
+your _duns_ before you, but my _duns_ are driving me before them."
+
+
+Steele & Addison.--A gentleman who was dining with another, praised the
+meat very much, and asked who was the butcher? "His name is
+Addison."--"Addison!" echoed the guest, "pray is he any relation to the
+essayist?"--"In all probability he is, for he is seldom without his steel
+(_Steele_) by his side."
+
+
+A Tedious Preacher.--Mr. Canning was once asked by an English clergyman how
+he liked the sermon he had preached before him. "Why, it was a short
+sermon," quoth Canning. "Oh yes," said the preacher; "you know I avoid
+being tedious." "Ah, but," replied Canning, "you _were_ tedious."
+
+
+Charity sermon.--Sydney Smith, preaching a charity sermon, frequently
+repeated the assertion that, of all nations, Englishmen were most
+distinguished for generosity and the love of their species. The collection
+happened to be inferior to his expectations, and he said that he had
+evidently made a great mistake, for that his expression should have been,
+that they were distinguished for the love of their _specie_.
+
+
+Pope the Poet.--This celebrated poet is said to have been once severely
+retorted upon. A question arose in company respecting the reading of a
+passage with or without a note of interrogation. Pope rather arrogantly
+asked one gentleman if he knew what a note of interrogation was. "Yes, sir:
+it is _a little crooked thing that asks questions_." Pope was little and
+deformed.
+
+
+Estimate of Greatness.--Pope was with Sir Godfrey Kneller one day, when his
+nephew, a Guinea trader, came in. "Nephew," said Sir Godfrey, "you have the
+honour of seeing the two greatest men in the world."--"I don't know how
+great you may be," said the Guinea-man, "but I don't like your looks: I
+have often bought a man much better than both of you together, all muscles
+and bones, for ten guineas."
+
+
+"Rejected Addresses."--The fame of the brothers James and Horatio Smith was
+confined to a limited circle, until the publication of "The Rejected
+Addresses." James used to dwell with much pleasure on the criticism of a
+Leicestershire clergyman: "I do not see why they ('The Addresses') should
+have been rejected: I think some of them very good." This, he would add, is
+almost as good as the avowal of the Irish Bishop, that there were some
+things in "Gulliver's Travels" which he could not believe.
+
+
+The Two Smith's.--A gentleman took lodgings in the same house with James
+Smith, one of the celebrated authors of the "Rejected Addresses." His name
+was also James Smith. The consequence was an eternal confusion of calls and
+letters, and the postman had no alternative but to share the letters
+equally between the two. "This is intolerable, sir," said our author, "you
+must quit." "Why am I to quit more than you?" "Because you came last, and
+being James the Second you must _abdicate_."
+
+
+Coleridge, the Poet, once dined in company with a person who listened to
+the conversation and said nothing for a long time; but occasionally nodded
+his head, and Coleridge concluded him a thoughtful and intelligent man. At
+length, towards the end of the dinner, some apple dumplings were placed on
+the table, and the listener had no sooner seen them than he burst forth,
+"Them's the fellows for me!" Coleridge adds: "I wish Spurzheim could have
+examined the fellow's head."
+
+
+An Appropriate Successor.--Clerambault, who was deformed, was elected to
+succeed La Fontaine in the French Academy. On that occasion it was said
+that "La Fontaine was very properly succeeded by Esop."
+
+
+Erskine.--Lord Kellie was amusing the company with an account of a sermon
+he had heard in Italy, in which the preacher related the miracle of St.
+Anthony preaching to the fishes, who, in order to listen to his pious
+discourse, held their heads out of the water. "I can credit the miracle,"
+said Erskine, "if your lordship was at church." "I certainly was there,"
+said the peer. "Then, rejoined Erskine, there was at least _one fish out of
+water_."
+
+
+Memory.--A humorous comment on this system of artificial memory was made by
+a waiter at an hotel where Feinaigle dined, after having given his lecture
+on that subject. A few minutes after the Professor left the table, the
+waiter entered, with uplifted hands and eyes, exclaiming, "Well, I declare,
+the _memory man_ has forgotten his umbrella!"
+
+
+Parisian rag-picker.--An old chiffonnier (or rag picker) died in Paris in a
+state apparently of the most abject poverty. His only relation was a niece,
+who lived as servant with a greengrocer. This girl always assisted her
+uncle as far as her slender means would permit. When she heard of his
+death, which took place suddenly, she was upon the point of marriage with a
+journeyman baker, to whom she had been long attached. The nuptial day was
+fixed, but Suzette had not yet bought her wedding clothes. She hastened to
+tell her lover that their marriage must be deferred, as she wanted the
+price of her bridal finery to lay her uncle decently in the grave. Her
+mistress ridiculed the idea, and exhorted her to leave the old man to be
+buried by charity. Suzette refused. The consequence was a quarrel, in which
+the young woman lost at once her place and her lover, who sided with her
+mistress. She hastened to the miserable garret where her uncle had expired,
+and by the sacrifice not only of her wedding attire, but of nearly all the
+rest of her slender wardrobe, she had the old man decently interred. Her
+pious task fulfilled, she sat alone in her uncle's room weeping bitterly,
+when the master of her faithless lover, a young good-looking man, entered.
+"So, my good Suzette, I find you have lost your place!" cried he, "I am
+come to offer you one for life--will you marry me?" "I, Sir? you are
+joking." "No, indeed, I want a wife, and I am sure I can't find a better."
+"But everybody will laugh at you for marrying a poor girl like me," "Oh! if
+that is your only objection we shall soon get over it; come, come along; my
+mother is prepared to receive you." Suzette hesitated no longer; but she
+wished to take with her a memorial of her deceased uncle: it was a cat
+that he had kept for many years. The old man was so fond of the animal
+that he was determined even death should not separate them, and he had
+caused her to be stuffed and placed near his bed. As Suzette took puss
+down, she uttered an exclamation of surprise at finding her so heavy. The
+lover hastened to open the animal, when out fell a shower of gold. There
+were a thousand louis concealed in the body of the cat, and this sum, which
+the old man had contrived to amass, became the just reward of the worthy
+girl and her disinterested lover.
+
+
+Integrity.--A Parisian stock-broker, just before his death, laid a wager on
+parole with a rich capitalist; and a few weeks after his death, the latter
+visited the widow and gave her to understand that her late husband had lost
+a wager of sixteen thousand francs. She went to her secretary, took out her
+pocket-book, and counted bank notes to the stated amount, when the
+capitalist thus addressed her: "Madame, as you give such convincing proof
+that you consider the wager binding, _I_ have to pay you sixteen thousand
+francs. Here is the sum, for _I_ am the loser, and not your husband."
+
+
+During the speculations of 1837-38, Mr. C., a young merchant of
+Philadelphia, possessed of a handsome fortune, caught the mania, entered
+largely into its operations, and for a time was considered immensely rich.
+But when the great revulsion occurred he was suddenly reduced to
+bankruptcy. His young wife immediately withdrew from the circles of wealth
+and fashion, and adapted her expenses, family and personal, to her altered
+circumstances. At the time of Mr. C.'s failure, his wife was in debt to
+Messrs. Stewart and Company, merchants of Philadelphia, about two hundred
+dollars for articles which she had used personally. This debt, she had no
+means of liquidating. However after the lapse of twelve years, and when the
+creditors had of course looked upon the debt as lost, Mrs. C. was able to
+take the principal, add to it twelve years' interest, enclose the whole in
+a note and address it to Messrs. Stewart and Company. Messrs. Stewart and
+Company, upon the receipt of the money, addressed a note in reply to Mrs.
+C., in which they requested her acceptance of the accompanying gift, as a
+slight testimonial of their high appreciation of an act so honourable and
+so rare as to call forth unqualified admiration. Accompanying the letter
+was sent a superb brocade silk dress, and some laces of exquisite texture
+and great value.
+
+
+Costume of the Sisters of Charity.--The Sisters of St. Vincent de Paul, at
+the time of their re-establishment in their house, in the _Rue du Vieux
+Colombier_, after the Revolution, wore black dresses and caps. On the
+fourth Sunday in Advent, 1804, Pope Pius the Seventh visited the community.
+He seemed surprised that the Sisters had not resumed the habit of their
+order; but he was told that no community had dared to show the religious
+habit abroad. He then spoke to the emperor, saying to him that the good
+daughters of charity "_looked like widows_." The emperor, at his request,
+gave authority to the Sisters to wear their habit, and they resumed it in
+the spring of 1805.
+
+
+China-ware.--An English gentleman wanting a dessert-service of porcelain
+made after a particular pattern, sent over to China a specimen dish,
+ordering that it should be exactly copied for the whole service. It
+unfortunately happened that in the dish so sent over the Chinese
+manufacturer discovered a crack; the consequence was, that the entire
+service sent over to the party ordering it had a crack in each article,
+carefully copied from the original.
+
+
+Dreaming.--It is a custom among the Canadian Indians, that when one dreams
+that another has rendered him any service, the person dreamed of thinks it
+a duty to fulfil the dream, if possible. A chief one morning came to the
+governor, Sir William Johnstone, and told him that he had last night
+dreamed that Sir William had made him a present of the suit of regimentals
+he wore. The governor readily presented them to him; but as the Indian was
+going out, "Stop," said Sir William, "I had almost forgot, but I dreamed
+about you last night; I dreamed that you gave me such a piece of land,"
+describing a large tract. "You shall have it," said he, "but if you please,
+Sir William, we will _not dream any more_."
+
+
+Lessing was remarkable for a frequent absence of mind. Having missed money
+at different times, without being able to discover who took it, he
+determined to put the honesty of his servant to a trial, and left a handful
+of gold on the table. "Of course you counted it?" said one of his friends.
+"Count it!" said Leasing, rather embarrassed; "no, I forgot that."
+
+
+At a public sale, there was a book which Lessing was very desirous of
+possessing. He gave three of his friends at different times a commission to
+buy it at any price. They accordingly bid against each other till they had
+got as far as ninety crowns, there having been no other bidder after it had
+reached ten crowns. Happily one of them thought it best to speak to the
+others; when it appeared they had all been bidding for Lessing, whose
+forgetfulness in this instance cost him eighty crowns.
+
+
+Edinburgh.--In a debate upon some projected improvement of the streets of
+Edinburgh, the Dean of Faculty wittily said that the _forwardness_ of the
+clergy, and the _backwardness_ of the medical faculty, had spoiled the
+finest street in Europe, alluding to the projection of the colonnade of St.
+Andrew's church and the recession of the Medical Hall in George's-street.
+
+
+Maclaurin.--This celebrated Professor of Mathematics in Edinburgh College,
+and the able expounder of Newton's _Principia_, always dislocated his jaw,
+and was unable to shut his mouth, when he yawned. At the same time his
+instinct of imitation was so strong, that he could not resist yawning when
+he witnessed that act in others. His pupils were not slow in discovering,
+and taking advantage of this physical weakness. When tired of his lecture,
+they either began to yawn, or open their mouths in imitation of that act,
+and the prelection was interrupted. The Professor stood before them with
+his mouth wide open, and could not proceed till he rang for his servant to
+come and shut it. In the meantime the mischievous disciples of Euclid had
+effected their escape.
+
+
+William III. and St. Evremond.--William was so little of a man of letters,
+that on the celebrated French writer, St. Evremond, being presented to him
+at St. James's, his majesty had nothing more _apropos_ to say than this,
+"You are, I believe, sir, a major-general in your master's service."
+
+
+Music and Politics.--Dr. Wise, the musician, being requested to subscribe
+his name to a petition against an expected prorogation of Parliament in the
+reign of Charles II., wittily answered, "No, gentlemen, it is not my
+business to meddle with state affairs; _but I'll set a tune to it, if you
+like_."
+
+
+Sion College.--Upon the recovery of George III. in 1789, the librarian and
+others connected with Sion College were at a loss what device or motto to
+select for the illumination of the building; when the following happy
+choice was made by a worthy divine, from the book of Psalms; "_Sion_ heard
+of it and was glad."
+
+
+Dean Swift having preached an assize sermon in Ireland, was invited to dine
+with the judges; and having in his sermon considered the use and abuse of
+the law, he pressed somewhat hard upon those counsellors, who plead causes,
+which they knew in their consciences to be wrong. When dinner was over, and
+the glass began to go round, a young barrister retorted upon the dean; and
+after several altercations, the counsellor asked him, "If the devil was to
+die, whether a _parson_ might not be found, who, for money, would preach
+his funeral?" "Yes," said Swift, "I would gladly be the man, and I would
+then give the _devil_ his due, as I have this day done his _children_."
+
+
+Swift disliked nothing so much as being troubled with applications from
+authors to correct their works. A poor poet having written a very
+indifferent tragedy, got himself introduced to the dean in order to have
+his opinion of it; and in about a fortnight after, called at the deanery.
+Swift returned the play, carefully folded up, telling him he had read it,
+and taken some pains with it, and he believed the author would not find
+above half the number of faults that it had when it came into his hands.
+The poor author, after a thousand acknowledgments, retired in company with
+the gentleman who had introduced him, and was so impatient to see the
+corrections, that he stopped under the first gateway they came to, when to
+his utter astonishment and confusion, he saw that the dean had taken the
+pains to blot out every second line throughout the whole play, so carefully
+as to render them quite illegible.
+
+
+Lady Carteret, wife of the Lord Lieutenant, said to Swift one day, "The air
+of Ireland is excellent and healthy." "For God's sake, madam," said Swift,
+falling down before her, "don't say so in England, for if you do they will
+tax it."
+
+
+Dr Savage, who died in 1747, travelled in his younger days, with the Earl
+of Salisbury, to whom he was indebted for a considerable living in
+Hertfordshire. One day at the levee, the King (George I.) asked him how
+long he had resided at Rome with Lord Salisbury. Upon his answering him how
+long,--"Why," said the king, "you staid there long enough; how is it you
+did not convert the pope?"--"Because, sir," replied the doctor, "I had
+nothing better to offer him."
+
+
+Sheridan.--This distinguished wit, upon being asked by a young member of
+parliament how he first succeeded in establishing his fame as an orator,
+replied, "Why, sir, it was easily effected. After I had been in St.
+Stephen's Chapel a few days, I found that four-fifths of the house were
+composed of country squires, and great fools; my first effort, therefore,
+was by a lively sally, or an ironical remark, to make them laugh; that
+laugh effaced from their stupid pates the recollection of what had been
+urged in opposition to my view of the subject, and then I whipped in an
+argument, and had all the way clear before me."
+
+
+Sheridan.--The father of the celebrated Sheridan was one day descanting on
+the pedigree of his family, regretting that they were no longer styled
+O'Sheridan, as they were formerly. "Indeed, father," replied Sheridan, then
+a boy, "we have more right to the O than any one else; for we _owe_
+everybody."
+
+
+Sheridan inquiring of his son what side of politics he should espouse on
+his inauguration to St. Stephen's chapel; the son replied, that he intended
+to vote for those who offered best, and that in consequence he should wear
+on his forehead a label, "To let;" to which the facetious critic rejoined,
+"I suppose, Tom, you mean to add, _unfurnished_."
+
+
+Sheridan was once travelling to town in one of the public coaches, for the
+purpose of canvassing Westminster, at the time that Mr. Paull was his
+opponent, when he found himself in company with two Westminster electors.
+In the course of conversation, one of them asked his friend to whom he
+meant to give his vote? The other replied, "to Paull, certainly; for,
+though I think him but a shabby sort of a fellow, I would vote for anyone
+rather than that rascal Sheridan!" "Do you know Sheridan?" inquired the
+stranger. "Not I, sir," was the answer, "nor should I wish to know him."
+The conversation dropped here; but when the party alighted to breakfast,
+Sheridan called aside the other gentleman and said, "Pray who is that very
+agreeable friend of your's? He is one of the pleasantest fellows I ever met
+with; I should be glad to know his name?" "His name is Mr. T.; he is an
+eminent lawyer, and resides in Lincoln's Inn Fields." Breakfast being over,
+the party resumed their seats in the coach; soon after which, Sheridan
+turned the discourse to the law. "It is," said he, "a fine profession. Men
+may rise from it to the highest eminence in the state, and it gives vast
+scope to the display of talent; many of the most virtuous and noble
+characters recorded in our history have been lawyers. I am sorry, however,
+to add, that some of the greatest rascals have also been lawyers; but of
+all the rascals of lawyers I ever heard of, the greatest is one T., who
+lives in Lincoln's Inn Fields." The gentleman fired up at the charge, and
+said very angrily, "I am Mr. T., sir." "And I am Mr. Sheridan," was the
+reply. The jest was instantly seen; they shook hands, and instead of voting
+against the facetious orator, the lawyer exerted himself warmly in
+promoting his election.
+
+
+Sterne.--Sterne used to relate a circumstance which happened to him at
+York. After preaching at the cathedral, an old woman whom he observed
+sitting on the pulpit stairs, stopped him as he came down, and begged to
+know where she should have the honour of hearing him preach the following
+Sunday. On leaving the pulpit the next Sunday he found her placed as
+before, when she put the same question to him. The following Sunday he was
+to preach four miles out of York, which he told her; and to his great
+surprise, he found her there too, and the same question was put to him as
+he descended from the pulpit. "On which," added he "I took for my text
+these words, expecting to find my old woman as before: 'I will grant the
+request of this poor widow, lest by her often coming, she weary me,'" One
+of the company immediately replied, "Why, Sterne, you omitted the most
+applicable part of the passage, which is, 'Though I neither fear God nor
+regard man.'"
+
+
+Sporting.--Burton, in his "Anatomie of Melancholy," tells us of a physician
+in Milan, who kept a house for the reception of lunatics, and by way of
+cure, used to make his patients stand for a length of time in a pit of
+water, some up to the knees, some up to the girdle, and others as high as
+the chin, according as they were more or less affected. An inmate of this
+establishment, who happened, for the time to be pretty well recovered, was
+standing at the door of the house, and seeing a gallant cavalier ride past
+with a hawk on his fist, and his spaniels after him, asked, "What all these
+preparations meant?" The cavalier answered, "To kill game." "What may the
+game be worth which you kill in the course of a year?" rejoined the
+patient. "About five or ten crowns." "And what may your horse, dogs, and
+hawks, cost you for a year?" "Four hundred crowns." On hearing this, the
+patient, with great earnestness of manner, bade the cavalier instantly
+begone, as he valued his life and welfare; "for" said he, "if our master
+come and find you here, he will put you into his pit up to the very chin."
+
+
+An American heroine.--During the summer of 1787, writes Mr. McClung, in his
+Sketches of Western Adventure, "The house of Mr. John Merrill, of Nelson
+County, Kentucky, was attacked by the Indians, and defended with singular
+address and good fortune. Merrill was alarmed by the barking of a dog about
+midnight, and on opening the door in order to ascertain the cause of the
+disturbance, he received the fire of six or seven Indians, by which one arm
+and one thigh were broken. He instantly sank upon the floor, and called
+upon his wife to close the door. This had scarcely been done when it was
+violently assailed by the tomahawks of the enemy, and a large breach soon
+effected. Mrs. Merrill, however, being a perfect amazon, both in strength
+and courage, guarded it with an axe, and successively killed or wounded
+four of the enemy as they attempted to force their way into the cabin. The
+Indians ascended the roof, and attempted to enter by way of the chimney;
+but here again they were met by the same determined enemy. Mrs. Merrill
+seized the only feather bed which the cabin afforded, and hastily ripping
+it open, poured its contents upon the fire. A furious blaze and stifling
+smoke instantly ascended the chimney, and brought down two of the enemy,
+who lay at her mercy. Seizing the axe she quickly despatched them, and was
+instantly afterwards summoned to the door, where the only remaining savage
+now appeared, endeavoring to effect an entrance. He soon received a gash in
+the cheek, which compelled him, with a loud yell, to relinquish his
+purpose, and return hastily to Chillicothe, where, he gave an exaggerated
+account of the fierceness, strength, and courage of the 'long knife
+squaw!'"
+
+
+Another.--The subject of this anecdote was a sister of General Isaac
+Worrell. She died two or three years since in Philadelphia. The following
+tribute to her patriotism and humanity, was paid by a New Jersey newspaper,
+in July, 1849.--"The deceased was one of those devoted women who aided to
+relieve the horrible sufferings of Washington's army at Valley
+Forge--cooking and carrying provisions to them alone, through the depth of
+winter, even passing through the outposts of the British army in the
+disguise of a market woman. And when Washington was compelled to retreat
+before a superior force, she concealed her brother, General Worrell--when
+the British set a price on his head--in a cider hogshead in the cellar for
+three days, and fed him through the bung-hole; the house being ransacked
+four different times by the troops in search of him, without success. She
+was above ninety years of age at the time of her death."
+
+
+Tyrolese peasant.--During a conflict at the farm of Rainerhof, in the
+Tyrolese war, in 1809, a young woman, who resided at the house, brought out
+a small cask of wine, with which to encourage and refresh the peasants: she
+had advanced to the scene of action, regardless of the tremendous fire of
+the Bavarians, carrying the wine upon her head, when a bullet struck the
+cask, and compelled her to let it go. Undaunted by this accident, she
+endeavoured to repair the mischief, by placing her thumb upon the orifice
+caused by the ball; and then encouraged those nearest her to refresh
+themselves quickly, that she might not remain in her dangerous situation,
+and suffer for her humane generosity to them.
+
+
+THE END.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Book of Three Hundred Anecdotes, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THREE HUNDRED ANECDOTES ***
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