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diff --git a/15441.txt b/15441.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bffdd3b --- /dev/null +++ b/15441.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1661 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 103, +October 8, 1892, by Various + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 103, October 8, 1892 + +Author: Various + +Editor: Francis Burnand + + +Release Date: March 23, 2005 [EBook #15441] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + + + + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +PUNCH, + +OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. + +VOL. 103. + + + +October 10, 1892. + + + + +AT A HYPNOTIC SEANCE. + + SCENE--_A Public Hall in a provincial town. The Hypnotist--a + tall, graceful, and handsome young man, in well-fitting + evening clothes--has already succeeded in putting most of + his subjects to sleep, and is going round and inspecting them + critically, as they droop limply on a semicircle of chairs, + in a variety of unpicturesque attitudes. The only Lady on + the platform is evidently as yet in full possession of her + senses._ + +_First Female Spectator_ (_to Second_). MARIA MANGLES do take a time +sending off, don't she? + +_Second F.S._ (_also a friend of Miss MANGLES_). Yes, that she do--it +gives her such a silly look, sitting there, the on'y one with her +senses about her! + +_First F.S._ It's all affectation--she could shut her eyes fast enough +if she _liked_! + +_Second F.S._ The 'Ipnotiser's coming round to her now--she'll _have_ +to go off now. (_With a not unpleasurable anticipation_.) I expect +he'll make her do all manner o' ridic'lous things! + +_First F.S._ Well, it will be a lesson, to her against making' herself +so conspicuous another time. I shan't pity her. + +_The Hyp._ (_after a brief colloquy with Miss MANGLES_). I see I am +not likely to succeed with this Lady; so, with many thanks to her on +behalf of myself and the audience for coming forward, I will detain +her no longer. + +[Illustration: "I do. Lovely creature!"] + + [_Applause, amidst which Miss M. descends to her seat in the + body of the hall, with a smile of conscious triumph._ + +_First F.S._ (_disappointed_). I don't see what she's done to clap +their hands about, myself! + +_Second F.S._ Nor I neither--taking up his time all for +nothing--depend upon it she wouldn't have gone up if he hadn't been so +nice-looking! + +_First F.S._ I wouldn't like to think _that_ of her myself; but, +anyhow, she didn't get much by it, did she? He soon sent _her_ +packing! + +_Male Spectator_ (_to a Woman in front of him_). Evening, Mrs. +MIDGELLY--I see they've got your good man up on the platform. + +_Mrs. M._ He _will_ go, Mr. BUDKIN! He's gone up every night the +'Ipnotiser's been here, and says he feels it's going to do him good. +So this evening I said I'd come in too, and judge for myself. What +good he expects to get, laying there like a damp dishclout, _I_ don't +know! + + [_Meanwhile the Hypnotist has borrowed a silver-handled + umbrella from the audience, and thrust it before the faces of + one or two loutish-looking youths, who immediately begin to + squint horribly and follow the silver-top with their noses, + till they knock their heads together._ + +_Mr. Budkin_ (_to Mrs. MIDGELLY_). He's going to give your husband a +turn of it now. + + [_The umbrella-handle is applied to Mr. M., a feeble-looking + little man with a sandy top-knot; he grovels after the + silver-top when it is depressed, and makes futile attempts to + clamber up the umbrella after it when it is held aloft._ + +_Mrs. M._ (_severely_). I haven't patience to look at him. A _Kitten_ +'ud have had more sense! + +_The Hyp._ (_calling up one of the heavy youths_). Can you whistle, +Sir? Yes? Then whistle something. (_The Youth whistles a popular air +in a lugubrious tone._) Now you _can't_ whistle--try. (_The Youth +tries--and produces nothing but a close imitation of an air-cushion +that is being unscrewed._) Now, if I were not to wake him up, this +young gentleman's friends would never enjoy the benefit of his whistle +again! + +_Voice from a Back Row_. _Don't_ wake him, Guv'nor, we can _bear_ it! + +_Hyp._ (_after restoring the lost talent, and calling up another +Youth, somewhat smartly attired_). Now, Sir, what do you drink? + +_The Youth_ (_with a sleepy candour_). Beer when I can get 'old of it. + +_A Friend of his in Audience_. JIM's 'aving a lark with him--he said +as 'ow he meant to kid him like--_he_ ain't 'ipnotised, bless yer! + +_Hyp._ But you like water, too, don't you? (_JIM admits this--in +moderation._) Try this. (_He gives him a tumbler of water._) Is that +good water? + +_Jim_ (_smacking his lips_). That's good water enough, Sir. + +_Hyp._ It's bad water--taste it again. + + [_JIM tastes, and ejects it with every symptom of extreme + disapproval._ + +_Jim's Friend_. Try him with a drop o' Scotch in it--_'e'll_ get it +down! + +_Hyp._ (_to JIM_). There is _no_ water in that glass--it's full of +sovereigns, don't you see? (_JIM agrees that this is so, and testifies +to his conviction by promptly emptying the contents of the glass into +his trousers' pocket_) What have you got in your pocket? + +_Jim_ (_chuckling with satisfaction_). Quids--golden sovereigns! + +_Hyp._ Wake up! _Now_ what do you find in your pocket--any sovereigns? + +_Jim_ (_surprised_). Sovereigns? No, Sir! (_After putting his hand +in his pocket, bringing it out dripping, and dolefully regarding the +stream of water issuing from his leg_.) More like water, Sir. + + [_He makes dismal efforts to dry himself, amidst roars of + laughter._ + +_His Friend_. Old JIM didn't come best out o' that! + +_Hyp._ (_to JIM_). You don't feel comfortable? (_Emphatic assent from_ +JIM.) Yes, you do, you feel no discomfort whatever. + + [_JIM resumes his seat with a satisfied expression._ + +_An Open-minded Spect._ Mind yer, if this yere 'Ipnotism can prevent +water from being wet, there must be _something_ in it! + +_Hyp._ I will now give you an illustration of the manner in which, +by hypnotic influence, a subject can_ be affected with an entirely +imaginary pain. Take this gentleman. (_Indicating the unfortunate +Mr. MIDGELLY, who is slumbering peacefully._) Now, what pain shall we +give him? + +_A Voice_. Stomach-ache! + + [_This suggestion, however, is so coyly advanced that it + fortunately escapes notice._ + +_Hyp._ Tooth-ache? Very good--we will give him tooth-ache. + + [_The Audience receive this with enthusiasm, which increases + to rapturous delight when Mr. MIDGELLY's cheek begins to + twitch violently, and he nurses his jaw in acute agony; the + tooth-ache is then transferred to another victim, who writhes + in an even more entertaining manner, until the unhappy couple + are finally relieved from torment._ + +_A Spect._ Well, it's better nor any play, this is--but he ought to +ha' passed the toothache round the lot of 'em, just for the fun o' the +thing! + +_Mrs. Midgelly_. I should ha' thought there was toothache enough +without coming here to get more of it, but so long as MIDGELLY's +enjoyin' himself, _I_ shan't interfere! + + [_The Hypnot. has impressed his subjects with the idea that + there is an Angel at the other end of the hall, and they are + variously affected by the celestial apparition, some gazing + with a rapt grin, while others invoke her stiffly, or hail her + like a cab. Mr. MIDGELLY alone exhibits no interest._ + +_Mr. Budkin_ (_to Mrs. M._). Your 'usband don't seem to be putting +himself out, Angel or no Angel. + +_Mrs. M._ (_complacently_). He knows too well what's due to _me_, Mr. +BUDKIN. _I'm_ Angel enough for him! + +_Hyp._ I shall now persuade this Gentleman that there is a beautiful +young lady in green at the door of this hall. (_To Mr. M._) Do you see +her, Sir? + +_Mr. M._ (_rising with alacrity_). I do. Lovely creature! + + [_He suddenly snatches up a decanter of water, and invites + his invisible charmer, in passionate pantomime, to come up and + share it with him--to the infinite delight of the Audience, + and disgust of his Wife._ + +AFTER THE PERFORMANCE. + +_Mr. Midgelly_ (_as he rejoins his Wife_). I felt the influence more +strongly to-night than what I have yet; and the Professor says, if I +only keep on coming up every night while he's here, I shall soon be +completely susceptible to--Why, whatever's the matter, my dear? + +_Mrs. M._ Matter! You're quite susceptible enough as it is; and, now +I know how you can go on, you don't catch me letting _you_ get +'ipnotised again. You and your young lady in green indeed! + +_Mr. M._ (_utterly mystified_). Me and my--I don't know what you're +alluding to. It's the first _I've_ heard of it! + +_Mrs. M._ (_grimly_). Well, it won't be the last by a long way. Oh, +the insight I've had into your character this evening, MIDGELLY! + + [_Mr. M. is taken home, to realise that Hypnotism is not + altogether without its dangers._ + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THUNDERS FROM SNOWDON. + + "Nothing could have served my purpose better, than to have + drawn this illuminating flash out of the thunders," &c., + &c.--_Vide Duke of Argyll's Letter to The Times, and his + Letter to Somebody who had drawn his Grace's attention to Mr. + Gladstone's Snowdon Speech._ + + * * * * * + +MEM. FROM WHITBREADFORDSHIRE.--Sir BLUNDELL MAPLE is reported to +have said, "I'll give you a good tip. Back _Duke_--and my horses for +the Cambridgeshire." New Carpet Knight not successful as a sporting +tipster, seeing that Colonel DUKE, though he fought well, was beaten. +Perhaps Sir BLUNDELL meant _the Duke_, who races every night at Drury +Lane. That's a very good tip, as safe as houses--Drury Lane houses, of +course. + + * * * * * + +A CITY PARADOX. + + Our City Aldermanic lights + Who talk (and live) a trifle high, + In stern defence of civic rights + Profess themselves prepared to die. + And yet the Aldermanic crowd-- + It's amply true, say what you will-- + With open eyes have just allowed + The Mayoralty to come to KNILL! + + * * * * * + +"HABITUAL DRUNKARDS COMMITTEE."--An awful-looking heading to a +paragraph! What a picture the imagination may conjure up of a +Committee of Habitual Drunkards! There would be the Honble. TOM TOPER, +Lord SOTT, SAM SOKER, Marquis of MOPPS and BROOMS, Captain FUDDLE, +DICK SWIZZLER, R.N., FRANK FARGONE (of the _Daily Booze_), with TITE +ASA DRUMM in the Chair, or if not, under the table with the others. + + * * * * * + +CONVERSATIONAL HINTS FOR YOUNG SHOOTERS. + +(_BY MR. PUNCH'S OWN GROUSE IN THE GUN-ROOM._) + +Many manuals have been published for the edification of beginners in +the art of shooting. If that art can indeed be acquired by reading, +there is no reason why any youth, whose education has been properly +attended to, should not be perfectly proficient in it without having +fired a single shot. But, _Mr. Punch_ has noticed in all these volumes +a grave defect. In none of them is any instruction given which shall +enable a man to obtain a conversational as well as a merely shooting +success. Every pursuit has its proper conversational complement. The +Farmer must know how to speak of crops and the weather in picturesque +and inflammatory language; the Barrister must note, for use at the +dinner-table, the subtle jests of his colleagues, the perplexity +of stumbling witnesses, and the soul-stirring jokes of Judges; +the Clergyman must babble of Sunday-schools and Choir-practices. +Similarly, a Shooter must be able to speak of his sport and its varied +incidents. To be merely a good shot is nothing. Many dull men can +be that. The great thing, surely, is to be both a good shot and a +cheerful light-hearted companion, with a fund of anecdotes and a rich +store of allusions appropriate to every phase of shooting. _Mr. Punch_ +ventures to hope that the hints he has here put together, may be of +value to all who propose to go out and "kill something" with a gun. + +THE GUN. + +No subject offers a greater variety of conversation than this. But, +of course, the occasion counts for a good deal. It would be foolish to +discharge it (metaphorically speaking) at the head of the first comer. +You must watch for your opportunity. For instance, guns ought not +to be talked about directly after breakfast, before a shot has been +fired. Better wait till after the shooting-lunch, when a fresh start +is being made, say for the High Covert half a mile away. You can then +begin after this fashion to your host:--"That's a nice gun of yours, +CHALMERS. I saw you doing rare work with it at the corner of the new +plantation this morning." CHALMERS is sure to be pleased. You not only +call attention to his skill, but you praise his gun, and a man's gun +is, as a rule, as sacred to him as his pipe, his political prejudices, +his taste in wine, or his wife's jewels. Therefore, CHALMERS is +pleased. He smiles in a deprecating way, and says, "Yes, it's not a +bad gun, one of a pair I bought last year." + +"Would you mind letting me feel it?" + +"Certainly not, my dear fellow here you are." + +You then interchange guns, having, of course, assured one another that +they are not loaded. Having received CHALMERS's gun, you first appear +to weigh it critically. Then, with an air of great resolution, you +bring it to your shoulder two or three times in rapid succession, and +fire imaginary shots at a cloud, or a tuft of grass. You now hand +it back to CHALMERS, observing, "By Jove, old chap, it's beautifully +balanced! It comes up splendidly. Suits me better than my own." +CHALMERS, who will have been going through a similar pantomime with +your gun, will make some decently complimentary remark about it, and +each of you will think the other a devilish knowing and agreeable +fellow. + +From this point you can diverge into a discussion of the latest +improvements, as, e.g., "Are ejectors really valuable?" This is sure +to bring out the man who has tried ejectors, and has given them up, +because last year, at one of the hottest corners he ever knew, when +the sky was simply black with pheasants, the ejectors of both his guns +got stuck. He will talk of this incident as another man might talk of +the loss of a friend or a fortune. Here you may say,--"By gad, what +frightful luck! What did you do?" He will then narrate his comminatory +interview with his gun-maker; others will burst in, and defend +ejectors, or praise their own gun-makers, and the ball, once set +rolling, will not be stopped until you take your places for the +first beat of the afternoon, just as MARKHAM is telling you that his +old Governor never shoots with anything but an old muzzle-loader by +MANTON, and makes deuced good practice with it too. + +"Choke" is not a very good topic; it doesn't last long. After you have +asked your neighbour if his gun is choked, and told him that your left +barrel has a modified choke, the subject is pretty well exhausted. + +"Cast-off." Not to be recommended. There is very little to be made of +it. + +Something may be done with the price of guns. There's sure to be +someone who has done all his best and straightest shooting with a gun +that cost him only L15. Everybody else will say, "It's perfect rot +giving such high prices for guns. You only pay for the name. Mere +robbery." But there isn't one of them who would consent not to be +robbed. + +It sometimes creates a pretty effect to call your gun "My old +fire-iron," or "my bundook," or "this old gas-pipe of mine." + +"Bore." Never pun on this word. It is never done in really good +sporting society. But you can make a few remarks, here and there, +about the comparative merits of twelve-bore and sixteen-bore. Choose +a good opening for telling your story of the man who shot with a +fourteen-bore gun, ran short of cartridges on a big day, and was, of +course, unable to borrow from anyone else. Hence you can deduce the +superiority of twelve-bores, as being the more common size. + +All these subjects, like all others connected with shooting, can be +resumed and continued after dinner, and in the smoking-room. Talk of +the staleness of smoke! It's nothing to the staleness of the stories +to which four self-respecting smoking-room walls have to listen in the +course of an evening. + +(_To be continued._) + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A PIS-ALLER. + +"ARE THERE ANY NIGGERS ON THE BEACH THIS MORNING, MAMMIE?" + +"NO, DEAR; IT'S SUNDAY MORNING." + +"OH, THEN I MAY AS WELL GO TO CHURCH WITH YOU!"] + + * * * * * + +BY-AND-BY LAWS FOR TRAFALGAR SQUARE. + +(_WHEN MEETINGS ARE HELD IN "TIMES OF POLITICAL OR SOCIAL CRISES_.") + +1. Cabs, omnibuses, carriages, and pedestrians will be expected to +keep clear of the space occupied by the Demonstrators. + +2. To prevent destruction of glass and removal of property from shop +windows, tradesmen will be expected to put up their shutters several +hours before the holding of the meeting. + +3. No particular notice will be paid to the transference of property +from one leader of labour to another. If done by stealth, it will be +accepted as a proof of secret Socialism. + +4. No objection will be raised to combats amongst the Demonstrators, +with the restriction that no Government property is injured. + +5. As the maintaining of the road is a matter of contract, +Demonstrators wishing to emphasise their opinions, must bring their +own stones. + +6. As a good deal of property is expected to change hands during the +various proceedings, an application with a description of lost goods, +and photograph of supposed thief, can be addressed to the Chief +Inspector of Police, Scotland Yard. + +7. These regulations (which are tentative) will be in force until +after the next General Election, when a fresh series will be +published, to be followed by others as occasion may require. + + * * * * * + +A POOR ROAD TO LEARNING. + + SCENE--_Interior of a School Board Office. Official discovered + hard at work, doing single-handed in London what is done by + nearly a thousand officials combined in "Bonnie Scotland." + Enter Female Applicant, with infant._ + +_Applicant_. Please, Sir, here's my boy. Can you take him? + +_Official_. Certainly. Has he had any education? + +_App._ Well, as he's rising five, not much. + +_Off._ But does he know anything? For instance, has he learned any +English history? + +_App._ Not that I know of. + +_Off._ Has he dipped into geography? + +_App._ Well, I don't think he has. + +_Off._ Can he cipher at all? + +_App._ Not very well. + +_Off._ Does he know what two and two make? + +_App._ Well, he has never said he does. + +_Off._ Can he write? + +_App._ Well, no, he doesn't write. + +_Off._ But I suppose he can read? Come, he at least can read? + +_App._ Well, no, Sir, I am afraid he's not much of a scholar. I don't +think he can read. + +_Off._ Then he is absolutely ignorant--miserably ignorant. + +_App._ Very likely, Sir,--you know best. + +_Off._ Well, now, my good woman, I will tell you what we will do with +him. We will teach him to read, write, and cipher, and give him an +excellent education. + +_App._ And you will take care of him, Sir? + +_Off._ Of course we will take care of him; and as for his education, +we will-- + +_App._ Oh, Sir, so long as you looks after him, never you mind about +his education! + + [_Exit infantless._ + + * * * * * + +TO MAUD. + +_A PENITENT ROUNDEL._ + + I called you MAUDE. I only meant to tease, + But somehow, ere I ended, came to laud + Your charms in my poor verses. So in these + I called you MAUDE. + + "My name is _MAUD_." + And I am overawed, + Forgive the indiscretion if you please. + The spirit Truth, they tell me, is abroad, + And since she sojourns still across the seas, + I swear I knew the final _e_ a fraud-- + So that you suffered from no lack of _e_'s + I called you MAUDE! + + * * * * * + +KNILL NISI BOIMUM. + +[Illustration: Lord Mayor Elect Knill and the Livery Goose.] + +The good common sense of the Common Councilman and Liverymen of the +City,--Liverymen not to be led astray by any false lights,--coupled +with their truly English love of fairplay, prevailed, and the City +Fathers on Goose Day were prevented from following in the goose-steps +of that Uncommon Councilman who, bearing the honoured names of BEAUFOY +(a fine old Norman-Baron title!) and of MOORE (shade of Sir THOMAS!), +made so extraordinary a display of bigotry and ignorance as, it is to +be hoped, is rare, and becoming rarer every day, among our worthy JOHN +GILPINS of credit and renown East of the Griffin. + +But in spite of this nonsensical hot-gospelling rant, Alderman and +Sheriff STUART KNILL was elected Lord Mayor, while BEAUFOY MOORE +was, so to speak, no MOORE, and, in fact, very much against his will +and wish, was reduced to NIL. WILLY-KNILLY he had to cave in. _Mr. +Punch_ congratulates the Lord Mayor Elect, but still more does he +congratulate the City Fathers on rising above paltry sectarianism, so +utterly unworthy of time, place, and persons, and for standing up, +in true English fashion, for freedom of worship coupled with absolute +Liberty of Conscience. + + * * * * * + +THE PRIDE OF THE EMPIRE. + +[Illustration: "A Warde with you."] + +[Illustration: Stock Exchange Swell (Empire Period).] + +At this moment there is really a very excellent extertainment at +the Empire Theatre of Varieties, something, or rather many things +of which the Management may, and should be proud. A capital troupe +of Bicyclists, a Spanish Dancer and singer--whose gestures to the +multitude are more intelligible than her language--a graceful, +serpentine dancer, and "a very peculiar American Comedian"--all these +are a part of the programme. But the best item in this liberal bill of +fare is _Round the Town_, a characteristic Ballet, in five _tableaux_. +The composers of this pleasing piece are Madame KATTI LANNER, and Mr. +GEORGE EDWARDES. As the lady is well known for her admirable dances, +it may be safely presumed that the gentleman is solely responsible for +the plot, or rather "the argument." It runs as follows:--"_Dr. Burch_, +newly arrived in London with his pupils, wishes to show them the +sights. What better to begin with than Covent Garden Market in the +early morning?" Quite so, the more especially as the lads must be very +backward boys. There are six of them, and the youngest seems about +thirty, and the oldest about double that age. The Doctor must have +rescued them from Epsom Race Course, and apparently is attempting to +give them an education fitting them to follow what seems to be his own +calling--the profession of an undertaker. These elderly pupils follow +their kind preceptor (for, although he is called _Burch_, there is +not the slightest suggestion of the rod about him, and, moreover, his +charges are really too elderly to receive chastisement) to the Royal +Exchange, the Thames Embankment, and, lastly, to the Empire. During +their travels, they meet _Mr. Rapless_, known as "the Oofless Swell," +(a part amusingly played by Mr. W. WARDE), and _John Brough_, a +carpenter with a taste for ballet costumes and drink, the carpenter's +wife, and the carpenter's child. _Dr. Burch_, who is evidently +easy-going, but good-hearted, after flirting with a lady who has her +boots cleaned before the Royal Exchange, suddenly developes into a +philanthropist, not to say a divine. On the carpenter's wife and +child appearing on the Thames Embankment in the characters of would-be +suicides, the worthy pedagogue convinces them (to quote the programme) +"That they have no right to take away the lives which the Almighty has +placed in their hands." Mother and child are quickly convinced, and +the neat but drunken father (Signorina MALVINA CAVALAZZI) appearing +on the scene, the good man informs him that his wife and child are +dead, "driven to an untimely grave by his (the intemperate but natty +artisan's) desertion and cruelty." The effect of this inaccurate +statement is startling. To quote once more from the argument, +"incontinently the now penitent ruffian falls fainting to the ground." +But he is brought back to himself, his better self, by his child +whispering "Father!" The situation is full of pathos, even when +witnessed from the Stalls. Recovering his senses, the converted +carpenter promptly borrows money from the good old Doctor, and when +that estimable gentleman is about to enter the Empire Theatre of +Varieties (accompanied by his school), a little later he has the +"satisfaction of seeing his _protege Mortimer_ (the ex-ruffian), +returning contentedly from his work." This is the simple but pathetic +story that Mr. GEO. EDWARDES touchingly tells with the assistance of +a full _corps de ballet_, five _tableaux_, and last, but certainly not +least, the hints of Madame KATTI LANNER. + +[Illustration: Jolly Tar A.B. "Hip, Hip, Hooray!"] + +[Illustration: Dramatic Situation on the Embankment, as seen from +Empire Stalls.] + +There are many remarkable persons in _Round the Town_. Notably +an effeminate but substantial stock-broker, who looks like a +stock-jobber's maiden-aunt in disguise. Another important personage is +a representative of the Navy, whose figure suggests as an appropriate +greeting, "Hip, hip, hip, hooray!" Both these characters are +well-played, and although subordinate parts, make their mark, or +rather, we should say, score heavily. Altogether; the ballet is +excellent both in dances and plot. The first is a testimony of the +good head of Madame KATTI LANNER, and the last of the equally good +heart of Mr. GEORGE EDWARDES. There is no doubt that _Round the Town_ +will draw all London to see (in its realistic scenes) all London +drawn! + + * * * * * + +WRITTEN A HUNDRED YEARS HENCE. + +(_FROM A COLLECTION OF COMMUNICATIONS SUPPLIED BY OUR PROPHETIC +COMPILER._) + +DEAR MR. PUNCH,--Forgive me for addressing you, but the urgency of +the occasion warrants the intrusion. A hundred years since, the old +Fighting _Foudroyant_ was sold by the Admiralty to be broken up. The +moment the Public of the Period learned the cruel fact through the +customary sources of information, they flew to the rescue. Headed by +the then LORD MAYOR, they raised a fund to bring back the discarded +vessel, and yet in those distant days there were they who denied +that the _Foudroyant_ had ever done anything in particular. And now +we propose doing the same thing. On the Thames there is an ancient +steamboat called _Citizen Z_, that once belonged to the Company that +started penny river lifts. It is certainly rather out of date, but is +full of historical memories. It is said that the Cabinet travelled +to Greenwich on its venerable boards, where they feasted on the +half-forgotten Whitebait, and the entirely, superseded Champagne. It +has carried, at one time or another, all the nobility to Rosherville, +there to spend (as the old saying went) "a happy day," and yet it is +proposed to break it up! Out upon the thought! Have we no veneration +for our relics of the past? Cannot we appreciate a boat that should +have had an honoured place in the Museum at Woolwich? Do not let this +act of Vandalism be done. Save the steamer for the sake of its past. + +Yours truly, A REAR-ADMIRAL. + +_H.M.S. Electric-Balloon, Skye._ + +DEAR MR. PUNCH,--I appeal to you, and I know I shall not appeal in +vain. The picturesque Cabman's Shelter in the middle of Piccadilly is +threatened! I hope you will exert your influence to preserve it. It +absolutely teems with historical associations. Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL +is supposed to have used it for writing his famous letter on the +Poor-Laws, and to this day is shown the initials of CHARLES STUART +PARNELL which were carved by that celebrated statesman on one of its +benches about the middle of the last century--probably in 1854. And +why is it to be removed? Simply because it is said to impede the +traffic! Could anything be more absurd? Do, pray, save it from the +hand of the ruthless "improver." Yours truly, + +ONE WHO RESPECTS THE PAST. + +_Tumbledowns, West Kensington_ (_late Reading_). + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: OVERHEARD IN THE HIGHLANDS. + +_First Chieftain_. "I SAY, OLD CHAP, WHAT A DOOSE OF A BORE THESE +GAMES ARE!" + +_Second Chieftain_. "AH, BUT, MY DEAR BOY, IT IS THIS SORT OF THING +THAT HAS MADE US SCOTCHMEN _WHAT WE ARE_!!"] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A NUISANCE. + +_Miss Priscilla_. "YES; IT'S A BEAUTIFUL VIEW. BUT TOURISTS ARE IN THE +HABIT OF BATHING ON THE OPPOSITE SHORE, AND THAT'S RATHER A DRAWBACK." + +_Fair Visitor_. "DEAR ME! BUT AT SUCH A DISTANCE AS THAT--SURELY--" + +_Miss Priscilla_. "AH, BUT WITH A _TELESCOPE_, YOU KNOW!"] + + * * * * * + +AT LAST! + +(_JEREMIAD BY A MIDDLE-AGED MARTYR TO THE GREAT SEASIDE +SUPERSTITION._) + + ["To middle-aged people, at all events, nothing can be more + trying and deleterious than holidays."--_Daily News_.] + + Oh, thanks to thee, thanks to thee, sage unconventional! + Heaven be blest, the truth's out, then, at last! + Holiday woes--'twould take volumes to mention all!-- + Now, in the lump, meet a shrewd counterblast. + _Trying?_ Of course they are! _Most deleterious?_ + Scribe, let me clasp thee, in thought, to this breast! + Holiday-hunting is Man's most mysterious, + Maddening guest! + + _Quixote_, I swear, was a model of sanity, + When with the Holiday-seeker compared. + Fidgety folly, and fussy inanity. + These be the figments by which we are snared. + Soon as you're drawn from your own cosy drawing-room, + Far over flood, field, or foam--for your sins-- + Then, when your breast makes for vulturine gnawing room, + Bother begins! + + Bother, that bugbear of bufferish Middle-Age! + Swift "scurry-funging" may do for the young, + The "hey-diddle-diddle, the Cat-and-the-fiddle" age. + "Over the moon" I myself once had sprung, + Thirty years syne, in sheer fervour athletical-- + Now, like the dog, I would laugh, and look on. + Once, with sheer "drive," I'd a sense sympathetical-- + Now I have none! + + Holiday? Term, Sir, is simply a synonym + For--waste of tissue! What doctor will dare + Tell his poor patients so? _I_'ll put _my_ tin on him! + Rest? Recreation? Pick-up? Change of air? + All question-begging fudge-phrases of sophistry! + Let city-toilers who're fagged or "run down," + Autumnal _quiet_ (in home or in office), try; + _Not_ "out of town." + + Out of town? Where is the term that's claptrappier? + _Means_ out of temper, or out of your mind. + Boot-black or old crossing-sweeper's far happier, + Tied to his task in the town--as you'll find. + Picking up coppers far better than picking up + Shells by the sea, or sham friends on the snore. + Bah! What have buffers to do with such kicking-up + Heels? It's a bore! + + Who'll start a League to be called Anti-Holiday? + Bet half the middle-aged men-folk will join! + Then we _might_ get an occasional jolly day, + Free from the pests who perplex and purloin. + "Health-Resort" quackery, portmanteau-packery, + Cheat-brigade charges and chills I might miss. + Dear-bought jimcrackery, female knicknackery!-- + Oh! 'twere pure bliss! + + * * * * * + +BRAVO, BOBBY! + + ["The Brighton Police have received orders to move on all + organ-grinders."] + + Bless you, Brighton Bobby, bless you, + Boldly bringing balmy bliss! + Barrel--organ barred--I guess you + Banish blatant bands with this. + + Brazen blasts, by boobies blowing, + Bad as barrel's buzz can be. + Bid them budge! I'd vote for throwing + Beggars like these in the sea. + + Battered bands from Bremen, Berlin; + Bearded bandits, born between + Bari and Bergamo, hurl in! + Bathed--that's what they've never been! + + Britons all, oh, be not laggards, + But, like Brighton, move them on! + Bad, bacteria-hearing black-guards, + Beastly, blatant brutes, begone! + + * * * * * + +ANOTHER ABOUT THE NEW LORD MAYOR ELECT.--"It's _a Knill wind_ that +blows nobody any good." _Signed_, BOGIE MOORE. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE OLD SPIRIT. + +["_Gentlemen of the Life Guards,--Forward--March!"--_Sir WALTER SCOTT. +"_Old Mortality_."] + +L'ESPRIT DE CORPS (_loq._). "SHAME! SHAME!--IS IT THUS YOU USE YOUR +SWORDS? WHATEVER MAY HAVE HAPPENED, ARE WE NOT STILL 'GENTLEMEN OF THE +LIFE GUARDS'?" + + "It is stated that Lord METHUEN, after censuring the + conduct of the regiment, requested the men who had cut the + saddle-panels to step forward and own the act, which would in + that case be dealt with simply as a case of insubordination. + He gave them a few minutes to consider, but as none of them + made any admission, he intimated that he should have to report + the matter to the Commander-in-Chief as a mutiny."--_Daily + Paper_, 30th Sept., 1892.] + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: AN ABSENT AUDIENCE. + +_Socialist_. "Ah!--it's all very well yer looking at _Me_, with yer +Smiles AND yer Jeers...."] + + * * * * * + +DE CORONA. + + ["The shape of the hat is another token in which individuality + asserts itself, and the angle at which it is worn. There are + men who vary this angle with their different moods."--_Article + on "Men's Dress," Daily News, Sept. 10._] + + You ask why I gaze with devotion + At ALGERNON's features, my love? + Nay, you are astray in your notion, + My glance is directed above; + His hair may be yellow or ruddy, + No longer I'm anxious for that, + But now I incessantly study + The tilt of his hat. + + At times it will carelessly dangle + With an air of aesthetic repose, + At others will point to an angle + Inclined to the tip of his nose; + When it rests on the side of his head, he + Will smile at whatever befalls, + When pushed o'er his brow, we make ready + For numerous squalls! + + When he starts for his train to the City + It is put on exactly upright, + And who would not view it with pity + Return, mud-bespattered, at night? + When early, so polished and glowing, + Jammed on at haphazard when late; + It forms a barometer, showing + His mood up to date. + + And you, who are young and unmarried, + Give heed to my counsel, I pray; + Do not, I entreat you, be carried + By wealth or affection away; + The heroine, novelists mention, + "Eyes fondly his features." Instead, + Observe, for _your_ part, with attention, + The hat on his head! + + * * * * * + +A NEW COLLECTION OF _HIMS_, ANCIENT AND MODERN.--The Church Congress +at Folkestone. + + * * * * * + +LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS. + +_Mount Street, Grosvenor Square._ + +DEAR MR. PUNCH, + +We were not overcrowded last week at Newmarket, and really the more +one takes racing from a business point of view, the more attractive it +becomes!--at least, I have found it so myself ever since it has been +my duty to acquire information for the benefit of my readers. + +There was only one thing that annoyed me during the week, and that +was the inconsiderate behaviour of _Windgall_ in winning the October +Handicap, although it was a most extraordinary confirmation of my +remarks anent his performance in the Leicester Handicap, in my last +letter; but it _is_ annoying that, when you select a horse to win a +race, he runs _second_, and directly after wins a race for which he is +_not_ selected, beating the horse chosen by a length!--it puzzles me +completely, as it is impossible in this case to put it down to want +of good breeding! We were sorry not to have the _Buccaneer-Orvieto_ +match decided, as it would have been the event of the meeting; but, +as the old proverb runs, "a wise owner is merciful to his beast," so +_Orvieto_ had an afternoon's rest at the price of L100!--rather more +than some people might be inclined to pay for a game of forfeits! + +The time is not yet ripe--(has anyone _ever_ seen time get ripe, I +wonder?)--for disclosing what I know about the Cesarewitch--(I never +know whether I've spelt that correctly or not!--and the more you look +at it the "wronger" it seems!)--but I may mention that I've heard +great accounts of _Kingkneel_, who was bought the other day for Sir +GREENASH BURNLEY (the latest favourite of fortune, and beloved of +the ring)--and had he not earned a penalty--(this expression ought +to be changed, as it implies, to my mind, which is an _excellent_ +average sample; a misdemeanor)--by winning a paltry thousand pounds +race somewhere; I really believe the Cesare--no!--not again!--was +at his mercy--but now, as the turf-writer puts it--"I shall look +elsewhere!"--as if _that_ would make any difference!--but of this +race, more anon, and meantime, those who are fond of the "good things" +of this life must not miss my selection for the big race of next week +at Kempton--on the Jubilee Course, which said course, I am told, is by +no means a Jubilee for the jockeys, owing to the danger in "racing for +the bend." + +There are several horses entered who seem to have great chances, +making the race as difficult as a problem in _Euclid_--but my +selection will most certainly be "there, or thereabouts," which is a +comforting, if somewhat vague reflection. + +Yours truly, LADY GAY. + +DUKE OF YORK STAKES SELECTION. + + The muse is dull!--the day is dead! + And vain is all endeavour + To light afresh the poet's spark-- + I _can't_ find a rhyme for the winner, + _Iddesleigh_, + +P.S.--Really it's most thoughtless of owners to harass one with such +names! + + * * * * * + +"IN THIS STYLE, TWO-AND-SIX." + +(IN THE POUND). + +SIR,--I have been much struck with the suggestion to do without hats, +and have made trial of the system. It has also made trial of _me_, +in the way of colds in the head, bronchial catarrh, &c., but I still +persevere. _It's so much cheaper!_ I have sold my stock of old +hats for half-a-crown, and calculate that I shall save _quite three +shillings per annum_ by not buying new ones. Surely anybody can see +that this is well worth doing! I am now seriously contemplating the +possibility of _doing without boots_! + +Yours truly, SAVE THE SAXPENCES. + +SIR,--Talk about hair growing if you leave off hats! My hair +was falling off in handfuls a little time ago. Did I abjure hats +altogether? Not being a born idiot, I did not. But I saw that what was +needed was proper ventilation aloft. So I had a specially-constructed +top-hat made, with holes all round it. In fact there were more holes +than hat, and the hatter scornfully referred to it as a "sieve." The +invention answered splendidly. There was a thorough draught constantly +rushing across the top of my head, with the speed and violence of a +first-class tornado. My locks, before so scanty, at once began to grow +in such profusion that it now seems impossible to stop them, except +by liberal applications of "Crinificatrix," the Patent Hair Restorer. +_That_ checks the growth effectually. My general name among chance +acquaintances is "Old Doormat." You can judge how thick my hair must +be and I ascribe it entirely to the beneficent action of the draught, +as before, + +Yours, WELL-COVERED. + +DEAR SIR,--Why would it be a mistake to say that a Negro was "as +black as my hat?" _Because I never wear one._ The only inconvenience +resulting is in wet weather--but, even then, I am prepared for all +emergencies. I keep in my pocket a little square of black waterproof, +to cover my head when it rains. In an Assize town, the other day, I +was followed by an angry crowd, who imagined that I was one of the +Judges, and that I had gone mad, and was walking about the streets +with the black cap on! But all true reformers are treated in this way, +even in England, the land of Liberty. + +Yours, HATZOFF. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE JERRY-BUILDING JABBERWOCK.] + + "Beware the Jabberwock, my son! + The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!"-- + Ah, CARROLL! it is not in fun + Your song's light lilt we snatch. + + Our Jabberwock's a _real_ brute, + With mighty maw, and ruthless hand, + Who ravage makes beyond compute + In Civic Blunderland. + + Look at the ogre's hideous mouth! + His tiger-teeth, his dragon-tail! + O'er Town, East, West, and North and South, + He leaves his slimy trail. + + And where he comes all Beauty dies, + And where he halts all Greenery fades. + Pleasantness flies where'er he plies + His gruesomest of trades. + + He blights the field, he blasts the wood, + With breath as fierce as prairie flame; + And where sweet works of Nature stood, + He leaves us--slums of shame. + + The locust and the canker-worm + Are not more ruinous than he. + "I'll take this Eden--for a term!" + He cries, and howls with glee. + + "Beauty? Mere bosh! Charm? Utter rot! + What boots your 'Earthly Paradise,' + Until 'tis made 'A Building Plot'? + Then it indeed looks nice! + + "O Jerry Street! O Jerry Park! + O Jerry Gardens, Jerry Square!-- + You won't discover--what a lark!-- + One 'touch of Nature' there! + + "'This handsome Villa Residence' + Means mud-built walls and clay-clogged walks; + And drains offensive to the sense, + And swamps whence fever stalks. + + "Beauty's best friends I drive away, + Artists who sketch, ramblers who rove, + Lovers who spoon, children who play,-- + All, all who Nature love. + + "Nor do I give them wholesome homes + For verdant meads--no, there's the fun! + Stuccodom, frail and sickly, comes + After 'Lot Twenty-One!' + + "I make a clearing, dig a trench, + Run up a shell of rotten bricks. + And thus the rule of sham and stench + Upon the 'site' I fix. + + "The ugly and unhealthy still + Associate with the name of Jerry; + And thus I work my wicked will, + And flourish, and make merry!" + + 'Twas so the Jerry-Jabberwock + Sang in a suburb, void of shame, + Blunderland's civic will to mock, + And put its sense to shame. + + This ogre of our towns to slay, + Where is the urban "Beamish Boy"? + CARROLL, when comes that "frabjous day," + _We_'ll "chortle in our joy." + + Young County Council, are _you_ one? + 'Tis said you're but a Bumble-batch! + Beware the Jobjob Bird, and shun + The Bigot-Bandersnatch! + + We'll pardon much that seems absurd, + Excuse some blunders that bewilder, + If you'll but "draw your vorpal sword" + And slay--the Jerry-Builder! + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: METAMORPHOSIS. + +("_We know what we are, but we know not what we may be._") + +_Conductor_. "TAKE YER TO THE CIRCUS, AND THERE YOU'LL CHANGE INTO A +HELEPHANT." + +_Master Kenneth_. "OH, MOTHER, WHAT A JOLLY CIRCUS! MAY WE GO AND SEE +THE OLD GENTLEMAN CHANGE INTO AN ELEPHANT?"] + + * * * * * + +THE MODERN MERCURY. + +[Illustration] + + Behold that urchin, occupied + In counting with an honest pride + The marbles he has won! + O tardy messenger of fate, + Without distinction, small and great, + Their telegrams, perforce, await + Until your game is done. + + Perchance a philosophic strain + Makes you regard as wholly vain + Our human bliss and woes; + What matters, whether State affairs, + Or news of good, or weighty carts, + Or tidings relative to shares + Within your bag repose? + + Well, not by me will you be blamed; + I like to see you not ashamed + To dawdle for awhile; + You furnish, by example sage, + A moral for our busy age; + And so, though others fume and rage, + I watch you with a smile. + + He moves at length, and now we'll see + Which way ... This telegram for me? + Oh, worst of human crimes + Is such delay!--it's monstrous quite! + I'll forward a complaint to-night! + Here, pen and paper--let me write + A letter to the _Times_! + + * * * * * + +MRS. RAM was heard to remark that she "didn't know a finer body of +men than the Yokel Loamanry." Probably the old lady meant the Local +Yeomanry. + + * * * * * + +LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS. + +NO. XVI.--TO YOUTHFULNESS. + +You are much misunderstood. For it is supposed that those who in this +world bear your stamp upon them are to be recognised without trouble +by the mere calculation of their years of life. No notion can be +further from the truth. Mere absence of wrinkles, the presence or +colour of the hair on the head, the elasticity of limbs, these do not +of themselves, I protest, testify to youthfulness. I knew a lad of +twenty, who, in the judgment of the world, was young. In mine he was +one of the hoariest as he was one of the least scrupulous of men. No +veteran that I ever met could have put him up to any trick, or added +any experience to his store. He seemed to have a marvellous and +intuitive experience of the ways of life, and of the tricks of men. +No shady society came amiss to him. He gambled, in his way, as coolly, +and with as careful a precision, as _Barry Lyndon_; he met the keen +frequenters of the betting-ring on equal terms, and contrived, amid +that vortex to keep his head above water. He had a faultless taste +in wine--he knew a good cigar by an instinct. It is hardly necessary +to add that, with all these accomplishments, he held and expressed +the meanest opinion of human nature in general. Not even Sir ROBERT +WALPOLE could have more cynically estimated the price at which men +might be bought. As for women, this precocious paragon despised them, +and women, as is their wont, repaid him by admiration, and, here +and there, by genuine affection. I shudder to think how he might +have developed in the course of years. It happened, however, that a +shipwreck--a form of disaster against which cynicism and precocity +afford no protection--removed him from the world before he had come of +age. Now, to call this infant young, would have been a mockery. To all +outward appearance, indeed, he was a boy, but his mind was that of a +selfish and used-up _roue_ of sixty, without illusions, and without +hope. + +[Illustration] + +Let me pass to a more pleasant subject, and one with which you, +my dear boy, are more closely connected. I refer to my old friend. +General VANGARD, the kindest and best-natured man that ever drew +half-pay. Seventy years have passed over his head, and turned his hair +to silver, but his heart remains pure gold without alloy. In vain do +his whiskers and moustache attempt to give a touch of fierceness to +his face. The kindly eyes smile it away in a moment. He stands six +feet and an inch, his back his broad, his step springy; he carries +his head erect on his massive shoulders with a leonine air of +good-humoured defiance. To hear him greet you, to feel his hand-shake, +is to get a lesson in geniality. I never knew a man who had so +whole-hearted a contempt for insincerity and affectation. It was +only the other day that I saw little TOM TITTERTON, of the Diplomatic +Service, introduced to him. TOM is a devil of a fellow in Society. +He warbles little songs of his own composition at afternoon teas, +he insinuates himself into the elderly affections of stony-hearted +dowagers, he can lead a _cotillon_ to perfection, and is universally +acknowledged as an authority on gloves and handkerchiefs. It was at a +shooting-party that he and the General met. The little fellow advanced +simpering, and raised a limp and dangling hand to about the height +of his eyes. The General had extended his in his usual bluff and +unceremonious manner. Naturally enough the hands failed to meet. A +puzzled look came over the General's face. In a moment, however, +he had grasped the situation, and TITTERTON's hand, and shaken the +latter with a ferocious heartiness. "OW!" screamed TOM. It was a short +exclamation, but a world of agony was concentrated into it. "The +old bear has spoilt my shooting for the day," said TITTERTON to me +afterwards, as he missed his tenth partridge. That very evening, I +remember, there was a great discussion in the smoking-room on the +subject of wrestling. One of the party, a burly youth of twenty-six, +boasted somewhat loudly of the tricks that a Cornishman had lately +taught him. For a long time the General sat silently puffing his +cigar, but at length the would-be wrestler said something that roused +him. "Would you mind showing me how that's done?" he said; "I seem to +remember something about it, but it was done differently in my time. +No doubt your notion's an improvement." Nothing loth the burly one +stood up. I don't quite know what happened. The General seemed to +stoop with outstretched hands and then raise himself with a spring as +he met his opponent. A large body hurtled through the air, and in a +moment the younger man was lying flat on the carpet amidst the shouts +of the company. "It's the old 'flying mare' my boy," said the General +to me, "a very useful dodge. I learnt it fifty years ago." + +In the company of young men the General is at his very best. He knows +all their little weaknesses, and chaffs them with delightful point and +humour, though he would not, for all the world, give them pain. It +is a pleasant sight to see the old fellow with a party of his young +friends, poking sly fun at them, laughing with them, taking all their +jests in good part, and thoroughly enjoying himself. He can walk most +of them off their legs still, can row with them on the broad reaches +of the Thames, and keep his form with the best of them; he can hold +his gun straight at driven birds, and revel like a boy in a rattling +run to hounds across country. All the youngsters respect him by +instinct, and love the cheery old fellow, whose heart is as soft as +his muscles are hard. They talk to him as to an elder brother, come to +him for his advice, and, which is perhaps even more strange, like it, +and follow it. Withal, the General is the most modest of men. In his +youth he was a mighty man of war. It was only the other day that I +heard (not from his own lips, you may be sure) the thrilling stories +of his hand-to-hand conflict with two gigantic Russians in the fog of +Inkermann, and of his rescue of a wounded Sergeant at the attack in +the Redan. With women, old or young, the General uses an old-fashioned +and chivalrous courtesy, as far removed from latter-day smartness as +was BAYARD from BOULANGER. The younger ones adore him. They all seem +to be his nieces, for they all call him Uncle JOHN. + +A year or two ago the General fell ill, and the doctors shook their +heads. It was touching to see the concern of all his young friends. +CHARLIE CHIRPER, a gay little butterfly of a fellow, who never seemed +to treat life as anything but a huge joke, became gloomy with anxiety. +Twice every day he called to make inquiries, and, as the bulletins +got worse, CHARLIE became visibly thinner. I saw him at the Club one +evening, sitting moodily in a corner. "What's up, CHARLIE?" I said +to him. "You look as if you'd been refused by an heiress." "The Old +General's worse to-day," said CHARLIE, simply. "They're very anxious +about him. No, dash it all!" he went on, "it's too bad. I can't bear +to think of it. Such an old ripper as the General! Why must they take +him? Why can't they take a useless chap like me, who never did anyone +any good?" And the unaccustomed tears came into the lad's eyes as he +turned his head away. But the old General battled through, and, thank +Heaven, I can still write of him in the present tense. + +Yours as always, my dear boy, DIOGENES ROBINSON. + + * * * * * + +"ANECDOTAGE." + +(_COMPANION VOLUME TO OTHER WORKS OF THE SAME KIND._) + +A traveller in Italy during the middle ages knew a Chemist very well +indeed. One day a rather stylish Lady, with a shifty look about the +eyes, entered the shop and asked for some poison. "I cannot furnish +you. Madam, with what you require. I have quarrelled with the +undertaker." The Traveller subsequently ascertained that the name of +the lady was LUCREZIA BORGIA. + + * * * * * + +Just before the Battle of Waterloo, FOUCHE met BONAPARTE, who was then +in command of the French Army. He said, "You will find that, before +this campaign is over, I shall have on one foot a BLUCHER, and on +the other a WELLINGTON. It is fortunate for me I cannot find pairs +of both! This is a proof (if one is needed) of the EMPEROR's fear of +fate. + + * * * * * + +CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS was (as a lad) very fond of exploration. One day +he went over to America, and, arriving at his destination, christened +it Columbia. The land of the Yankees, even now, is occasionally known +by this appellation. + + * * * * * + +_Mr. Punch_ one day was invited to listen to Someone's Recollections +or Reminiscences. All went well for five minutes, when the +Autobiographist, looking up from his Autobiography, found that _Mr. +Punch_ was fast asleep. The Sage slumbered as the Representative of +the Public. + + * * * * * + +NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., +Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no +case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed +Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. +103, October 8, 1892, by Various + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH *** + +***** This file should be named 15441.txt or 15441.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/5/4/4/15441/ + +Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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