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diff --git a/16639.txt b/16639.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a0d551d --- /dev/null +++ b/16639.txt @@ -0,0 +1,891 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Fotygraft Album, by Frank Wing + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Fotygraft Album + Shown to the New Neighbor by Rebecca Sparks Peters Aged Eleven + +Author: Frank Wing + +Illustrator: Frank Wing + +Release Date: September 4, 2005 [EBook #16639] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FOTYGRAFT ALBUM *** + + + + +Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Melissa Er-Raqabi and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net. + + + + + +"The Fotygraft Album" + +Shown to the New Neighbor by +Rebecca Sparks Peters +Aged Eleven + +[Illustration] + +Drawings and Text by +Frank Wing + + +Chicago +The Reilly & Britton Co. + + + + +Copyright, 1915 +by +The Reilly & Britton Co. + +First Edition Published May 7, 1915 +Second Edition Published Aug. 23, 1915 +Third Edition Published Nov. 10, 1915 +Fourth Edition Published Dec. 15, 1915 +Fifth Edition Published Jan. 5, 1916 +Sixth Edition Published May 1, 1916 +Seventh Edition Published Sept. 1, 1916 + + + + +[Illustration: "TURN OVER"] + + + + +"Why, how d'do, Mrs. Miggs? Come right on in. Ma's jist run over t' +Smith's a minute t' borruh some thread and some m'lasses and a couple uh +aigs. Aw! yes, come on--she'll be right back. Let's see: S'pose we set on +th' sofa and I'll show yuh th' album, so's yuh'll kinda begin t' know some +of our folks. We like t' be real neighborly and make new folks feel t' +home. There! now we're fixed. + +"This here first one's ma when she was little. Ain't she cute? Her Uncle +Seth kep' a store up t' Davenport and he give her them furs. Real mink, I +think it was. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Aunt Mary Jane Darnell. Her jimpson-weed salve and peach +perserves was th' best he ever see, pa says. She couldn't abide a man that +primped." + +[Illustration] + +"Them's grampa and gramma Sparks, ma's pa and ma. Grampa liked bees and +made lots of money off'm honey. He was awful good t' gramma. + +"Ma says you kin allus trust a bee man." + +[Illustration] + +"Here's Ferdinand Ashur Peebles, a favorite cousin of ma's. He ain't got +much time fer them 't ain't so good as what he is, so pa don't like him so +very well. Says he's a hippercrit. One time ma was showin' this pitchure +t' somebody and she says, 'This is a boy we're proud of: Cousin Ferd, full +of good works--' 'and prunes,' pa puts in, and it made ma awful mad. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"Them's pa's pa and ma, grampa 'n' gramma Peters. Jist look at her feet! +All her folks toes in--even pa, some, but he denies it. Grampa's got a +turribul temper. Onct he was up in a tree a-sawin' out limbs and a little +branch scratched him onto his head and he turned round quick's a wink, +a-snarlin', and bit it right smack off. Fact!" + +[Illustration] + +"That's Sophrony Ann Gowdey, kind of a distant cousin of ma's. She's +gifted weth th' secont sight. Onct when grampa lost his false teeth they +called her in and she set right here in this room and tranced and after a +bit she woke up suddent and says, wild like, 'Seek ye within th' well!' +she says; so they done it, but they didn't find 'm. But only a week +afterwards, when they cleaned th' cistern, there them teeth was. Pa says, +'Well, anyhow, Phrony knowed they was in th' damp,' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Uncle Mel Burgstresser. Don't he look like Charles Dickens, th' +great Scotch poet, though? I think he does, exactly. He's ma's uncle, but +he's sich a nice man that even pa likes him. They can't nobody help likin' +him, he's so nice; but ever'body laughs at him, he says sich blunderin' +things sometimes. Onct when Aunt Alviny (that's his wife) was a-makin' +oyster soup, Uncle Mel he come and looked over her shoulder and says, 'Put +lots o' water in it, mother, 'cause I'm hungry,' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's my cousin, Willie Sparks, same age as me--but not when that +pitchure was took. He wasn't only 9 then. Don't he look awful meek? But +mebbe you think he ain't got a temper! One time when his pa come home from +work after dark and Willie ain't got his chores done, he scolded him, and +when Willie brung in th' coal fer th' kitchen stove he was cryin' and he +jist hauls off, he's s' mad, and kicks th' stove an awful welt, and says, +'Yuh will burn coal, will yuh!' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's ma's cousin, Rebecca, and her man, took th' day they was married. +Him and her quarreled somethin' awful, she gener'ly havin' th' upper hand. +I was named after her." + +[Illustration] + +"That there's Peletiah Parrett, a friend of pa's since they was boys. +He's a singin' school teacher and he's been to our house lots of times, +but he lives at Ohio. He kin sing awful good. You'd jist ort t' hear him +sing--well, I fergit what th' name of th' piece is but it goes like this: + + "'Three dretful groans he heered + And then her ghost appeared + From head t' foot besmeared + Weth purple gore.'" + +[Illustration] + +"Pa's cousin Stella, dressed up in some of her ma's old clothes fer a +mask ball. Pa drawed in that streak and that printin'. He's a reg'lar +artist and he ain't never had a lesson in his life, neither. + +"He calls this pitchure 'Stella as Ajax defyin' th' lightnin'!'" + +[Illustration] + +"Here's Deacon Samuel Phillips. He married ma's greatuncle Myron's widow, +but I don't know what relation that makes him t' us. He's an awful good +man, but clost. Pa says onct he got an awful jolt t' Chicago, where him +and some other men went t' sell their stock. It seems that after they got +their tradin' done they went down town t' one of them stylish hotels fer +dinner. Deacon hadn't never been in one of them places before and didn't +know nothin' 'bout 'm. There was breaded veal cutlets on th' bill-of-fare +and Deacon liked 'm, so he ordered 'm, along with a lot of other stuff, +without noticin' th' price. Bimeby th' bill come, and it was fer +two-fifty. 'Two-fifty!' the deacon hollers. 'Why Heck! man, I kin buy a +calf fer that money!' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"Ma's cousins, Delmer and Beezum Morse. 'Th' Sausage Brothers,' pa calls +'m, 'count of their shape. But they're awful stout, and good rasslers, +both of 'm, 'specially th' littlest one, Delmer. Onct him and Beezum got +t' rasslin' in th' parlor and Delmer throwed Beezum in th' coal box and +broke his rib." + +[Illustration] + +"That's pa's Aunt Amanda Merritt Burrows. Me and my brother Frank allus +run and hide when we see her comin', 'cause she allus kisses a feller and +wants 'm t' pick her some berries, or somethin'. That's her long suit, +though, as pa says--berries. Pa says she won't be happy in parrydise +without they've got berries there; says he bets there'll be a great old +scramblin' amongst th' angels, too, t' keep from gittin' kissed. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"Ed and Charley Peters, pa's cousins down t' Peory. They're th' +stylishest relations we got." + +[Illustration] + +"Wilbur Peebles, that is. He's ma's cousin. Ain't he got funny hair? One +time he went t' sleep in meetin' and pa took and done up his hair weth +yalluh ribbons off'm cigars. Pa says Wilbur looked awful comical--jist +like a horse's mane at th' fair. And Wilbur's awful absent minded. Onct he +was t' our house alone and he decided he'd go down town, so he left a note +t' let ma know. It said, 'Gone down town. Will be back at five. Have hid +key under mat.' Wasn't that silly? + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's my little cousin, Johnnie Aiken, down t' Brimfield. Ain't he +cute? He's jist th' worst little feller t' ast questions yuh ever see. And +th' funniest ones! Onct th' persidin' elder was t' their house and he +hadn't no more'n said th' blessin' till Johnnie ups and says, 'Say, pa, +how fur kin a cat spit?' he says." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Aunt Minervy Hopkins, pa's aunt. She believed in sperrits. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"Uncle Jed Doty and his wife, Aunt Phoebe. He's ma's half-brother and +he's an awful good singer. Ust t' travel weth Doc Lighthall. He's +handsome, too, I think; but Aunt Phoebe ain't very. Ma says she ust t' be +awful purty till after she had th' rheumatism s' bad, but pa says he +guesses she must a-had it before ever he see her." + +[Illustration] + +"Cousin Willie Peebles, a nice little feller, but funny. That there jaw +ain't swelled. Jist nacherul. Pa says Willie's th' mumpiest lookin' boy he +ever see." + +[Illustration] + +"Uncle Charley Sparks, that is. He's awfully witty. Onct when Aunt Kate +said she liked a clock fer company, its tick was s' comfortin', and gramma +said she liked a dog better, Uncle Charley he ups and says, 'Would yuh +want th' dog t' have ticks, ma?' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Uncle Abner Sedley. He's th' most stubborn person in our fambly, +even if he is a preacher. One time last winter he got awful mad at a +church meetin' 'cause things didn't go his way and stomped out, yellin', +'My hands is clear; I wash my skirts of th' whole matter!' he says. Then +he found he'd fergot his specs and he had t' sneak back in and git 'm, +weth ever'body snickerin'. I guess he felt purty cheap. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's my cousin, Edna Sparks. She ain't very smart and she's got a +voice that's a terror to snakes, but her ma thinks she kin sing and's +allus sickin' her on t' do it. Pa says onct th' silly thing says when her +ma was urgin' her before comp'ny, 'Aw, ma, I can't sing, my hands is +chapped.' I don't believe she ever done it, though. Jist another of pa's +jokes, I bet. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's ma's brother, Uncle Billy Sparks. Ain't he handsome? Jist take a +look at them eyes. And he's smart, too--smart as Uncle Charlie, purty +nigh. Onct his mother-in-law come t' see 'em and staid a long time and was +awful cross and Uncle Billy got tired of it and took and put a wad of +cotton in her ear trumpet so she couldn't hear a thing, and she thought +she was goin' plumb deef and left that day fer home to see her doctor. +Wasn't that cute of him?" + +[Illustration] + +"That there's ma's greatuncle Peter. He was awful well off, and proud of +it. Onct when th' minister was raisin' money t' pay fer th' new church he +preached and he preached, right at Uncle Pete, purty nigh, and bimeby +Uncle Pete he got up from his front corner seat and turned round toward +th' people and hollered, 'I'll give another hunderd dollars t' th' Lord, +and yuh all know I kin pay it!' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Uncle Jerry Sparks, ma's brother. He was a lieutenant of +artil'ry. Pa says ef he was a rebel and seen Uncle Jerry comin' weth that +'spression onto his mug he wouldn't only hit th' high places." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Evans Billhorn, a cousin of ma's by his first wife. He ust t' +keep a butcher shop down t' Peory and he was so strong he could throw down +a steer. Onct pa made a mistake talkin' t' Evans. Evans was a-braggin' +'bout how he could rassle, and pa ups and says, 'Huh! you couldn't throw +nothin' but a fit,' he says. Say! it never took less 'n two doctors t' fix +all th' things about pa that was broke." + +"Still, Evans is most awful clumsy, too. One time when he was t' our house +he knocked off a real cluny vase of ma's and broke it and his wife says, +'Evans Billhorn, th' next time I take you anywheres I'll crate yuh!' she +says. Pa kep' a piece of that vase fer a long time. 'Pore feller +suff'rer,' he called it. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Perfessor Tweedie. He teaches penmanship and he knows Shakespeare +better 'n, old Mahomet knowed th' Koran, pa says. Ain't he a hairy feller, +though? Onct him 'n Frank Mendenhall was a-doin' Brutus and Cassius +wrapped up in sheets in Liberty Hall and when Prof says, 'Here is muh +dagger and here muh naked breast,' pa hollers out, 'Git a shave, Prof!' +Well, sir, it purty nigh busted up th' show." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Cousin Flora Burgstresser. She's th' belle of Beardstown. Her +hair's so long she kin set on it. Onct a hair tonic company offered her a +pile of money--most a hunderd dollars--fer her pitchure fer their +adver-tise-ment, but she wouldn't. + +"Them society ladies don't like notority." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Winfield Scott Zachary Taylor Peebles, ma's cousin. He was named +fer two heroes of th' rev-lutionary war, I think it was; anyway, he could +allus think of th' noblest things t' say! Onct when he was in th' war an +officer died and they put Cousin Win in his place, so that's how he got t' +be a corporal. First thing he says was, after th' president or whoever it +was give him th' place, 'Boys,' he says, 'if I fall in this day's battle, +march over muh dead corpse as you would that of a common private!' he +says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"Uncle Adoniram Burgstresser, ma's uncle. He was a farmer and hardshell +preacher. Onct when ma says, 'Uncle Ad was a power!' pa says, 'Git out! +You don't mean power, you mean pow-wower.' That made ma purty mad, I tell +you. Uncle Ad was awful clost. One time he went into a hardware store t' +git a tin cup and after he'd looked careful at sev'ral he says, 'How much +is this one?' 'Nickel,' says th' storekeeper. Then Uncle Ad says, 'I +s'pose yuh make th' usual reduction t' th' clergy?' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That there's Emma Beale. She's an awful nice, refined lady. Why, one +time when her pa was a-runnin' a tailor shop and Emma was workin' there, +pa took a pair of pants t' have 'm pressed fer a weddin' and when he went +t' git 'm Emma says, 'Mr. Peters,' she says, 'did you know there was a +hole in one of th' limbs of yer trousers?' she says. And pa, he jist +haw-hawed right in her face, th' old coarse thing!" + +[Illustration] + +"I don't know who them fellers are, 'cept that big one in front there. +That's Ole Ensgaard. Ust t' be my Uncle Joe's hired man. Afterwards he +went up t' Dakota and got 'lected t' th' legislature. Pa says he was awful +green and they told him all he'd need t' do was t' write Mr. Jim Hill t' +let him know he was there and he'd git a railroad pass. So Ole writes, +'Mester Yim Hill, Sen-ta Pole: Ay ban har--Ole Ensgaard,' and Mr. Hill +writes right back: 'Ay ban har, too.--Yim Hill.' Uncle Charley Sparks, he +says that there's a stock story. Says he's heard it told about a thousand +differ'nt fellers. Ma calls pa and Uncle Charley 'th' arrival wits.' Says +they're kinda jealous of each other. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That there's my cousin, Alvy Burgstresser, weth his cornet. He plays in +th' choir. First time pa heard 'm he says when he come home, 'That choir +'ll never succeed till they dehorn Alvy,' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's ma's brother-in-law, Livingston Burney, out t' Kansas. He's a +doctor, when he ain't out talkin' politics, which ain't often. He don't +half pervide fer his fambly and onct his boy run away and went clean t' +Chicago to my Aunt Sarah's and when she wrote Burney about it he sent back +a sassy letter, sayin', 'I'll have you know, madam, that I'm th' father of +th' pop'list party in Kansas.' Aunt Sade set right down and wrote him +back, 'If you ain't a better father t' th' party,' she says, 'than you've +been t' this boy, the party's in a bad way,' she says." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Mrs. Bemrose and her daughter, Lucreshy. They ust t' live +neighbors t' us, but now they've moved t' Yates City. Mrs. Bemrose is a +daisy musician. You'd jist ort t' hear her sing, + + "'Oh, th' dirty little coward + That shot Doctor Howard + And laid Jesse James in his grave.'" + +[Illustration] + +"Them's Willie and Freddie Sparks. They was cute little fellers but it's +awful t' think th' way they turned out, pa says. Willie's an editor and +Freddie's a lawyer, and they work together jist fine. Willie gits into +trouble, and Freddie, he gits him out." + +[Illustration] + +"Perfessor Leander Crabb, that is. He's principal of th' Ellumwood high +school and he's a tumble coffee drinker--two quart a day when he was +writin' his book, 'Tokens of Hope, or Is This, Then, All?' Pa, he read +th' book through, then he says, 'Well, I hope it is,' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"Them's ma's cousin Peter and his wife and baby, down t' Beardstown. He +ain't handsome but he's an awful good man. Pa says onct Cousin Pete was to +a party where there was a game t' give a prize t' th' one what'd make th' +homeliest face, and th' judge walked right over t' Pete and give him th' +prize, and Pete says, supprised like, 'Why, I ain't begun yit,' he says. I +reckon it never reely happened; jist one of pa's jokes, I guess. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Cousin Charlie Freemantle--pa's cousin, he is. He's a rollin' +stone--first one place, then another; never satisfied and never gittin' +nothin' ahead. He ust t' be allus comin' 'round tellin' where he was goin' +next and what big things he was goin' t' do when he got there, till ma got +most awful tired of it and says t' him, 'Charlie,' she says, 'did yuh ever +reflect that wherever yuh go yuh take yerself weth yuh?' she says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Mr. and Mrs. Bundy. He was a nice man but she's quarrelsomer 'n +all git out. Don't she look jist like a settin' hen? Onct when Mr. Bundy +died why Mrs. Prescott that moved t' Peory she wrote Mrs. Bundy a real +nice letter of consolence, I guess it is yuh call it--anyway, Mrs. Bundy +fired up, quicker 'n a wink, and says, 'Uh-huh!' she says, 'well, that's +all very nice but it don't pay fer that there spade and waterin' pot them +Prescotts borruhed off 'm us and never brung back. I'll learn that tribe +they can't soft-soap me!' she says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Bige Turner. He ust t' work in th' print shop fer pa and he +certainly was a bad aig, I want yuh t' know. Onct he slep' out on th' +sidewalk in front of th' shop all night and pa took and tacked his clothes +down all around and when Bige woke up next day he tried t' git up and +couldn't and it scairt him most t' death and he hollered, 'Gosh! help! I'm +paralyzed,' he says. 'Oh, no yuh ain't, Bige,' pa says, 'but you was +yisteddy.' + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"That's Aunt Min, pa's sister, when she was a girl. She was awful good +lookin'--is yet, fer that matter. But she ain't never been no housekeeper. +Onct pa picked up a shirt she'd been mendin' and took a look at it and +says, 'I'd hate like thunder t' have t' reap as Min sews,' he says. + +"Turn over." + +[Illustration] + +"And that's pa, put in last fer 'a Garrison finish,' as he says, whatever +that means. Honest, now, he don't look a bit like you thought he would, +does he? But you could tell he was a wit, though, couldn't yuh? Jist look +at them little, shrewd eyes! This pitchure was took when he was editor of +th' Argus, before he made his money out of land and insurance. One time, +while he was editin', a publisher sent him an adver-tise-ment of a book +that told all about how t' run a newspaper and pa he set right down and +wrote 'm back they might as well try t' sell a book of travels t' th' +Wanderin' Jew. + +"That's all--and there's ma a-comin' up th' walk. We got a bigger album 'n +this 'n upstairs, som'ers, though. Come over some time and I'll show yuh +that 'n. + +"Tah-tah! See yuh later." + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Fotygraft Album, by Frank Wing + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FOTYGRAFT ALBUM *** + +***** This file should be named 16639.txt or 16639.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/6/6/3/16639/ + +Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Melissa Er-Raqabi and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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