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diff --git a/old/vanof10.txt b/old/vanof10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..155089d --- /dev/null +++ b/old/vanof10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3390 @@ +****The Project Gutenberg Etext of Ivanoff, by Anton Checkov**** +#4 in our series by Anton Checkhov [Chekov, Tchekhov, Tchekoff] + +[If you have trouble searching, you might try using his first and +middle names "Anton Pavlovich" with or without a last name. mh] + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. 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Nee Sarah Abramson + +MATTHEW SHABELSKI, a count, uncle of Ivanoff + +PAUL LEBEDIEFF, President of the Board of the Zemstvo + +ZINAIDA, his wife + +SASHA, their daughter, twenty years old + +LVOFF, a young government doctor + +MARTHA BABAKINA, a young widow, owner of an estate and daughter +of a rich merchant + +KOSICH, an exciseman + +MICHAEL BORKIN, a distant relative of Ivanoff, and manager of his +estate + +AVDOTIA NAZAROVNA, an old woman + +GEORGE, lives with the Lebedieffs + +FIRST GUEST + +SECOND GUEST + +THIRD GUEST + +FOURTH GUEST + +PETER, a servant of Ivanoff + +GABRIEL, a servant of Lebedieff + +GUESTS OF BOTH SEXES + +The play takes place in one of the provinces of central Russia + +IVANOFF + +ACT I + +The garden of IVANOFF'S country place. On the left is a terrace +and the facade of the house. One window is open. Below the +terrace is a broad semicircular lawn, from which paths lead to +right and left into a garden. On the right are several garden +benches and tables. A lamp is burning on one of the tables. It is +evening. As the curtain rises sounds of the piano and violoncello +are heard. + +IVANOFF is sitting at a table reading. + +BORKIN, in top-boots and carrying a gun, comes in from the rear +of the garden. He is a little tipsy. As he sees IVANOFF he comes +toward him on tiptoe, and when he comes opposite him he stops and +points the gun at his face. + +IVANOFF. [Catches sight of BORKIN. Shudders and jumps to his +feet] Misha! What are you doing? You frightened me! I can't stand +your stupid jokes when I am so nervous as this. And having +frightened me, you laugh! [He sits down.] + +BORKIN. [Laughing loudly] There, I am sorry, really. I won't do +it again. Indeed I won't. [Take off his cap] How hot it is! Just +think, my dear boy, I have covered twelve miles in the last three +hours. I am worn out. Just feel how my heart is beating. + + +IVANOFF. [Goes on reading] Oh, very well. I shall feel it later! + +BORKIN. No, feel it now. [He takes IVANOFF'S hand and presses it +against his breast] Can you feel it thumping? That means that it +is weak and that I may die suddenly at any moment. Would you be +sorry if I died? + +IVANOFF. I am reading now. I shall attend to you later. + +BORKIN. No, seriously, would you be sorry if I died? Nicholas, +would you be sorry if I died? + +IVANOFF. Leave me alone! + +BORKIN. Come, tell me if you would be sorry or not. + +IVANOFF. I am sorry that you smell so of vodka, Misha, it is +disgusting. + +BORKIN. Do I smell of vodka? How strange! And yet, it is not so +strange after all. I met the magistrate on the road, and I must +admit that we did drink about eight glasses together. Strictly +speaking, of course, drinking is very harmful. Listen, it is +harmful, isn't it? Is it? Is it? + +IVANOFF. This is unendurable! Let me warn you, Misha, that you +are going too far. + +BORKIN. Well, well, excuse me. Sit here by yourself then, for +heaven's sake, if it amuses you. [Gets up and goes away] What +extraordinary people one meets in the world. They won't even +allow themselves to be spoken to. [He comes back] Oh, yes, I +nearly forgot. Please let me have eighty-two roubles. + +IVANOFF. Why do you want eighty-two roubles? + +BORKIN. To pay the workmen to-morrow. + +IVANOFF. I haven't the money. + +BORKIN. Many thanks. [Angrily] So you haven't the money! And yet +the workmen must be paid, mustn't they? + +IVANOFF. I don't know. Wait till my salary comes in on the first +of the month. + +BORKIN. How is it possible to discuss anything with a man like +you? Can't you understand that the workmen are coming to-morrow +morning and not on the first of the month? + +IVANOFF. How can I help it? I'll be hanged if I can do anything +about it now. And what do you mean by this irritating way you +have of pestering me whenever I am trying to read or write or--- + +BORKIN. Must the workmen be paid or not, I ask you? But, good +gracious! What is the use of talking to you! [Waves his hand] Do +you think because you own an estate you can command the whole +world? With your two thousand acres and your empty pockets you +are like a man who has a cellar full of wine and no corkscrew. I +have sold the oats as they stand in the field. Yes, sir! And +to-morrow I shall sell the rye and the carriage horses. [He +stamps up and down] Do you think I am going to stand upon +ceremony with you? Certainly not! I am not that kind of a man! + +ANNA appears at the open window. + +ANNA. Whose voice did I hear just now? Was it yours, Misha? Why +are you stamping up and down? + +BORKIN. Anybody who had anything to do with your Nicholas would +stamp up and down. + +ANNA. Listen, Misha! Please have some hay carried onto the +croquet lawn. + +BORKIN. [Waves his hand] Leave me alone, please! + +ANNA. Oh, what manners! They are not becoming to you at all. If +you want to be liked by women you must never let them see you +when you are angry or obstinate. [To her husband] Nicholas, let +us go and play on the lawn in the hay! + +IVANOFF. Don't you know it is bad for you to stand at the open +window, Annie? [Calls] Shut the window, Uncle! + +[The window is shut from the inside.] + +BORKIN. Don't forget that the interest on the money you owe +Lebedieff must be paid in two days. + +IVANOFF. I haven't forgotten it. I am going over to see Lebedieff +today and shall ask him to wait + +[He looks at his watch.] + +BORKIN. When are you going? + +IVANOFF. At once. + +BORKIN. Wait! Wait! Isn't this Sasha's birthday? So it is! The +idea of my forgetting it. What a memory I have. [Jumps about] I +shall go with you! [Sings] I shall go, I shall go! Nicholas, old +man, you are the joy of my life. If you were not always so +nervous and cross and gloomy, you and I could do great things +together. I would do anything for you. Shall I marry Martha +Babakina and give you half her fortune? That is, not half, +either, but all--take it all! + +IVANOFF. Enough of this nonsense! + +BORKIN. No, seriously, shan't I marry Martha and halve the money +with you? But no, why should I propose it? How can you +understand? [Angrily] You say to me: "Stop talking nonsense!" You +are a good man and a clever one, but you haven't any red blood in +your veins or any--well, enthusiasm. Why, if you wanted to, you +and I could cut a dash together that would shame the devil +himself. If you were a normal man instead of a morbid +hypochondriac we would have a million in a year. For instance, if +I had twenty-three hundred roubles now I could make twenty +thousand in two weeks. You don't believe me? You think it is all +nonsense? No, it isn't nonsense. Give me twenty-three hundred +roubles and let me try. Ofsianoff is selling a strip of land +across the river for that price. If we buy this, both banks will +be ours, and we shall have the right to build a dam across the +river. Isn't that so? We can say that we intend to build a mill, +and when the people on the river below us hear that we mean to +dam the river they will, of course, object violently and we shall +say: If you don't want a dam here you will have to pay to get us +away. Do you see the result? The factory would give us five +thousand roubles, Korolkoff three thousand, the monastery five +thousand more-- + +IVANOFF. All that is simply idiotic, Misha. If you don't want me +to lose my temper you must keep your schemes to yourself. + +BORKIN. [Sits down at the table] Of course! I knew how it would +be! You never will act for yourself, and you tie my hands so that +I am helpless. + +Enter SHABELSKI and LVOFF. + +SHABELSKI. The only difference between lawyers and doctors is +that lawyers simply rob you, whereas doctors both rob you and +kill you. I am not referring to any one present. [Sits down on +the bench] They are all frauds and swindlers. Perhaps in Arcadia +you might find an exception to the general rule and yet--I have +treated thousands of sick people myself in my life, and I have +never met a doctor who did not seem to me to be an unmistakable +scoundrel. + +BORKIN. [To IVANOFF] Yes, you tie my hands and never do anything +for yourself, and that is why you have no money. + +SHABELSKI. As I said before, I am not referring to any one here +at present; there may be exceptions though, after all-- [He +yawns.] + +IVANOFF. [Shuts his book] What have you to tell me, doctor? + +LVOFF. [Looks toward the window] Exactly what I said this +morning: she must go to the Crimea at once. [Walks up and down.] + +SHABELSKI. [Bursts out laughing] To the Crimea! Why don't you and +I set up as doctors, Misha? Then, if some Madame Angot or Ophelia +finds the world tiresome and begins to cough and be consumptive, +all we shall have to do will be to write out a prescription +according to the laws of medicine: that is, first, we shall order +her a young doctor, and then a journey to the Crimea. There some +fascinating young Tartar--- + +IVANOFF. [Interrupting] Oh, don't be coarse! [To LVOFF] It takes +money to go to the Crimea, and even if I could afford it, you +know she has refused to go. + +LVOFF. Yes, she has. [A pause.] + +BORKIN. Look here, doctor, is Anna really so ill that she +absolutely must go to the Crimea? + +LVOFF. [Looking toward the window] Yes, she has consumption. + +BORKIN. Whew! How sad! I have seen in her face for some time that +she could not last much longer. + +LVOFF. Can't you speak quietly? She can hear everything you say. +[A pause.] + +BORKIN. [Sighing] The life of man is like a flower, blooming so +gaily in a field. Then, along comes a goat, he eats it, and the +flower is gone! + +SHABELSKI. Oh, nonsense, nonsense. [Yawning] Everything is a +fraud and a swindle. [A pause.] + +BORKIN. Gentlemen, I have been trying to tell Nicholas how he can +make some money, and have submitted a brilliant plan to him, but +my seed, as usual, has fallen on barren soil. Look what a sight +he is now: dull, cross, bored, peevish--- + +SHABELSKI. [Gets up and stretches himself] You are always +inventing schemes for everybody, you clever fellow, and telling +them how to live; can't you tell me something? Give me some good +advice, you ingenious young man. Show me a good move to make. + +BORKIN. [Getting up] I am going to have a swim. Goodbye, +gentlemen. [To Shabelski] There are at least twenty good moves +you could make. If I were you I should have twenty thousand +roubles in a week. + +[He goes out; SHABELSKI follows him.] + +SHABELSKI. How would you do it? Come, explain. + +BORKIN. There is nothing to explain, it is so simple. [Coming +back] Nicholas, give me a rouble. + +IVANOFF silently hands him the money + +BORKIN. Thanks. Shabelski, you still hold some trump cards. + +SHABELSKI follows him out. + +SHABELSKI. Well, what are they? + +BORKIN. If I were you I should have thirty thousand roubles and +more in a week. [They go out together.] + +IVANOFF. [After a pause] Useless people, useless talk, and the +necessity of answering stupid questions, have wearied me so, +doctor, that I am ill. I have become so irritable and bitter that +I don't know myself. My head aches for days at a time. I hear a +ringing in my ears, I can't sleep, and yet there is no escape +from it all, absolutely none. + +LVOFF. Ivanoff, I have something serious to speak to you about. + +IVANOFF. What is it ? + +LVOFF. It is about your wife. She refuses to go to the Crimea +alone, but she would go with you. + +IVANOFF. [Thoughtfully] It would cost a great deal for us both to +go, and besides, I could not get leave to be away for so long. I +have had one holiday already this year. + +LVOFF. Very well, let us admit that. Now to proceed. The best +cure for consumption is absolute peace of mind, and your wife has +none whatever. She is forever excited by your behaviour to her. +Forgive me, I am excited and am going to speak frankly. Your +treatment of her is killing her. [A pause] Ivanoff, let me +believe better things of you. + +IVANOFF. What you say is true, true. I must be terribly guilty, +but my mind is confused. My will seems to be paralysed by a kind +of stupor; I can't understand myself or any one else. [Looks +toward the window] Come, let us take a walk, we might be +overheard here. [They get up] My dear friend, you should hear the +whole story from the beginning if it were not so long and +complicated that to tell it would take all night. [They walk up +and down] Anna is a splendid, an exceptional woman. She has left +her faith, her parents and her fortune for my sake. If I should +demand a hundred other sacrifices, she would consent to every one +without the quiver of an eyelid. Well, I am not a remarkable man +in any way, and have sacrificed nothing. However, the story is a +long one. In short, the whole point is, my dear doctor-- +[Confused] that I married her for love and promised to love her +forever, and now after five years she loves me still and I-- [He +waves his hand] Now, when you tell me she is dying, I feel +neither love nor pity, only a sort of loneliness and weariness. +To all appearances this must seem horrible, and I cannot +understand myself what is happening to me. [They go out.] + +SHABELSKI comes in. + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing] Upon my word, that man is no scoundrel, but +a great thinker, a master-mind. He deserves a memorial. He is the +essence of modern ingenuity, and combines in himself alone the +genius of the lawyer, the doctor, and the financier. [He sits +down on the lowest step of the terrace] And yet he has never +finished a course of studies in any college; that is so +surprising. What an ideal scoundrel he would have made if he had +acquired a little culture and mastered the sciences! "You could +make twenty thousand roubles in a week," he said. "You still hold +the ace of trumps: it is your title." [Laughing] He said I might +get a rich girl to marry me for it! [ANNA opens the window and +looks down] "Let me make a match between you and Martha," says +he. Who is this Martha? It must be that Balabalkina--Babakalkina +woman, the one that looks like a laundress. + +ANNA. Is that you, Count? + +SHABELSKI. What do you want? + +ANNA laughs. + +SHABELSKI. [With a Jewish accent] Vy do you laugh? + +ANNA. I was thinking of something you said at dinner, do you +remember? How was it--a forgiven thief, a doctored horse. + +SHABELSKI. A forgiven thief, a doctored horse, and a +Christianised Jew are all worth the same price. + +ANNA. [Laughing] You can't even repeat the simplest saying +without ill-nature. You are a most malicious old man. [Seriously] +Seriously, Count you are extremely disagreeable, and very +tiresome and painful to live with. You are always grumbling and +growling, and everybody to you is a blackguard and a scoundrel. +Tell me honestly, Count, have you ever spoken well of any one? + +SHABELSKI. Is this an inquisition? + +ANNA. We have lived under this same roof now for five years, and +I have never heard you speak kindly of people, or without +bitterness and derision. What harm has the world done to you? Is +it possible that you consider yourself better than any one else? + +SHABELSKI. Not at all. I think we are all of us scoundrels and +hypocrites. I myself am a degraded old man, and as useless as a +cast-off shoe. I abuse myself as much as any one else. I was rich +once, and free, and happy at times, but now I am a dependent, an +object of charity, a joke to the world. When I am at last +exasperated and defy them, they answer me with a laugh. When I +laugh, they shake their heads sadly and say, "The old man has +gone mad." But oftenest of all I am unheard and unnoticed by +every one. + +ANNA. [Quietly] Screaming again. + +SHABELSKI. Who is screaming? + +ANNA. The owl. It screams every evening. + +SHABELSKI. Let it scream. Things are as bad as they can be +already. [Stretches himself] Alas, my dear Sarah! If I could only +win a thousand or two roubles, I should soon show you what I +could do. I wish you could see me! I should get away out of this +hole, and leave the bread of charity, and should not show my nose +here again until the last judgment day. + +ANNA. What would you do if you were to win so much money? + +SHABELSKI. [Thoughtfully] First I would go to Moscow to hear the +Gipsies play, and then--then I should fly to Paris and take an +apartment and go to the Russian Church. + +ANNA. And what else? + +SHABELSKI. I would go and sit on my wife's grave for days and +days and think. I would sit there until I died. My wife is buried +in Paris. [A pause.] + +ANNA. How terribly dull this is! Shall we play a duet? + +SHABELSKI. As you like. Go and get the music ready. [ANNA goes +out.] + +IVANOFF and LVOFF appear in one of the paths. + +IVANOFF. My dear friend, you left college last year, and you are +still young and brave. Being thirty-five years old I have the +right to advise you. Don't marry a Jewess or a bluestocking or a +woman who is queer in any way. Choose some nice, common-place +girl without any strange and startling points in her character. +Plan your life for quiet; the greyer and more monotonous you can +make the background, the better. My dear boy, do not try to fight +alone against thousands; do not tilt with windmills; do not dash +yourself against the rocks. And, above all, may you be spared the +so-called rational life, all wild theories and impassioned talk. +Everything is in the hands of God, so shut yourself up in your +shell and do your best. That is the pleasant, honest, healthy way +to live. But the life I have chosen has been so tiring, oh, so +tiring! So full of mistakes, of injustice and stupidity! [Catches +sight of SHABELSKI, and speaks angrily] There you are again, +Uncle, always under foot, never letting one have a moment's quiet +talk! + +SHABELSKI. [In a tearful voice] Is there no refuge anywhere for a +poor old devil like me? [He jumps up and runs into the house.] + +IVANOFF. Now I have offended him! Yes, my nerves have certainly +gone to pieces. I must do something about it, I must--- + +LVOFF. [Excitedly] Ivanoff, I have heard all you have to say +and--and--I am going to speak frankly. You have shown me in your +voice and manner, as well as in your words, the most heartless +egotism and pitiless cruelty. Your nearest friend is dying simply +because she is near you, her days are numbered, and you can feel +such indifference that you go about giving advice and analysing +your feelings. I cannot say all I should like to; I have not the +gift of words, but--but I can at least say that you are deeply +antipathetic to me. + +IVANOFF. I suppose I am. As an onlooker, of course you see me +more clearly than I see myself, and your judgment of me is +probably right. No doubt I + am terribly guilty. [Listens] I think I hear the carriage +coming. I must get ready to go. [He goes toward the house and +then stops] You dislike me, doctor, and you don't conceal it. +Your sincerity does you credit. [He goes into the house.] + +LVOFF. [Alone] What a confoundedly disagreeable character! I have +let another opportunity slip without speaking to him as I meant +to, but I simply cannot talk calmly to that man. The moment I +open my mouth to speak I feel such a commotion and suffocation +here [He puts his hand on his breast] that my tongue sticks to +the roof of my mouth. Oh, I loathe that Tartuffe, that +unmitigated rascal, with all my heart! There he is, preparing to +go driving in spite of the entreaties of his unfortunate wife, +who adores him and whose only happiness is his presence. She +implores him to spend at least one evening with her, and he +cannot even do that. Why, he might shoot himself in despair if he +had to stay at home! Poor fellow, what he wants are new fields +for his villainous schemes. Oh, I know why you go to Lebedieff's +every evening, Ivanoff! I know. + +Enter IVANOFF, in hat and coat, ANNA and SHABELSKI + +SHABELSKI. Look here, Nicholas, this is simply barbarous You go +away every evening and leave us here alone, and we get so bored +that we have to go to bed at eight o'clock. It is a scandal, and +no decent way of living. Why can you go driving if we can't? Why? + +ANNA. Leave him alone, Count. Let him go if he wants to. + +IVANOFF. How can a sick woman like you go anywhere? You know you +have a cough and must not go out after sunset. Ask the doctor +here. You are no child, Annie, you must be reasonable. And as for +you, what would you do with yourself over there? + +SHABELSKI. I am ready to go anywhere: into the jaws of a +crocodile, or even into the jaws of hell, so long as I don't have +to stay here. I am horribly bored. I am stupefied by this +dullness. Every one here is tired of me. You leave me at home to +entertain Anna, but I feel more like scratching and biting her. + +ANNA. Leave him alone, Count. Leave him alone. Let him go if he +enjoys himself there. + +IVANOFF. What does this mean, Annie? You know I am not going for +pleasure. I must see Lebedieff about the money I owe him. + +ANNA. I don't see why you need justify yourself to me. Go ahead! +Who is keeping you? + +IVANOFF. Heavens! Don't let us bite one another's heads off. Is +that really unavoidable? + +SHABELSKI. [Tearfully] Nicholas, my dear boy, do please take me +with you. I might possibly be amused a little by the sight of all +the fools and scoundrels I should see there. You know I haven't +been off this place since Easter. + +IVANOFF. [Exasperated] Oh, very well! Come along then! How +tiresome you all are! + +SHABELSKI. I may go? Oh, thank you! [Takes him gaily by the arm +and leads him aside] May I wear your straw hat? + +IVANOFF. You may, only hurry, please. + +SHABELSKI runs into the house. + +IVANOFF. How tired I am of you all! But no, what am I saying? +Annie, my manner to you is insufferable, and it never used to be. +Well, good-bye, Annie. I shall be back by one. + +ANNA. Nicholas! My dear husband, stay at home to-night! + +IVANOFF. [Excitedly] Darling, sweetheart, my dear, unhappy one, I +implore you to let me leave home in the evenings. I know it is +cruel and unjust to ask this, but let me do you this injustice. +It is such torture for me to stay. As soon as the sun goes down +my soul is overwhelmed by the most horrible despair. Don't ask me +why; I don't know; I swear I don't. This dreadful melancholy +torments me here, it drives me to the Lebedieff's and there it +grows worse than ever. I rush home; it still pursues me; and so I +am tortured all through the night. It is breaking my heart. + +ANNA. Nicholas, won't you stay? We will talk together as we used +to. We will have supper together and read afterward. The old +grumbler and I have learned so many duets to play to you. [She +kisses him. Then, after a pause] I can't understand you any more. +This has been going on for a year now. What has changed you so? + +IVANOFF. I don't know. + +ANNA. And why don't you want me to go driving with you in the +evening? + +IVANOFF. As you insist on knowing, I shall have to tell you. It +is a little cruel, but you had best understand. When this +melancholy fit is on me I begin to dislike you, Annie, and at +such times I must escape from you. In short, I simply have to +leave this house. + +ANNA. Oh, you are sad, are you? I can understand that! Nicholas, +let me tell you something: won't you try to sing and laugh and +scold as you used to? Stay here, and we will drink some liqueur +together. and laugh, and chase away this sadness of yours in no +time. Shall I sing to you? Or shall we sit in your study in the +twilight as we used to, while you tell me about your sadness? I +can read such suffering in your eyes! Let me look into them and +weep, and our hearts will both be lighter. [She laughs and cries +at once] Or is it really true that the flowers return with every +spring, but lost happiness never returns? Oh, is it? Well, go +then, go! + +IVANOFF. Pray for me, Annie! [He goes; then stops and thinks for +a moment] No, I can't do it. [IVANOFF goes out.] + +ANNA. Yes, go, go-- [Sits down at the table.] + +LVOFF. [Walking up and down] Make this a rule, Madam: as soon as +the sun goes down you must go indoors and not come out again +until morning. The damp evening air is bad for you. + +ANNA. Yes, sir! + +LVOFF. What do you mean by "Yes, sir"? I am speaking seriously. + +ANNA. But I don't want to be serious. [She coughs.] + +LVOFF. There now, you see, you are coughing already. + +SHABELSKI comes out of the house in his hat and coat. + +SHABELSKI. Where is Nicholas? Is the carriage here yet? [Goes +quickly to ANNA and kisses her hand] Good-night, my darling! +[Makes a face and speaks with a Jewish accent] I beg your bardon! +[He goes quickly out.] + +LVOFF. Idiot! + +A pause; the sounds of a concertina are heard in the distance. + +ANNA. Oh, how lonely it is! The coachman and the cook are having +a little ball in there by themselves, and I--I am, as it were, +abandoned. Why are you walking about, Doctor? Come and sit down +here. + +LVOFF. I can't sit down. + +[A pause.] + +ANNA. They are playing "The Sparrow" in the kitchen. [She sings] + + "Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you? + On the mountain drinking dew." + +[A pause] Are your father and mother living, Doctor? + +LVOFF. My mother is living; my father is dead. + +ANNA. Do you miss your mother very much? + +LVOFF. I am too busy to miss any one. + +ANNA. [Laughing] The flowers return with every spring, but lost +happiness never returns. I wonder who taught me that? I think it +was Nicholas himself. [Listens] The owl is hooting again. + +LVOFF. Well, let it hoot. + +ANNA. I have begun to think, Doctor, that fate has cheated me. +Other people who, perhaps, are no better than I am are happy and +have not had to pay for their happiness. But I have paid for it +all, every moment of it, and such a price! Why should I have to +pay so terribly? Dear friend, you are all too considerate and +gentle with me to tell me the truth; but do you think I don't +know what is the matter with me? I know perfectly well. However, +this isn't a pleasant subject-- [With a Jewish accent] "I beg +your bardon!" Can you tell funny stories? + +LVOFF. No, I can't. + +ANNA. Nicholas can. I am beginning to be surprised, too, at the +injustice of people. Why do they return hatred for love, and +answer truth with lies? Can you tell me how much longer I shall +be hated by my mother and father? They live fifty miles away, and +yet I can feel their hatred day and night, even in my sleep. And +how do you account for the sadness of Nicholas? He says that he +only dislikes me in the evening, when the fit is on him. I +understand that, and can tolerate it, but what if he should come +to dislike me altogether? Of course that is impossible, and +yet--no, no, I mustn't even imagine such a thing. [Sings] + + "Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you?" + +[She shudders] What fearful thoughts I have! You are not married, +Doctor; there are many things that you cannot understand. + +LVOFF. You say you are surprised, but--but it is you who surprise +me. Tell me, explain to me how you, an honest and intelligent +woman, almost a + saint, could allow yourself to be so basely deceived and dragged +into this den of bears? Why are you here? What have you in common +with such a cold and heartless--but enough of your husband! What +have you in common with these wicked and vulgar surroundings? +With that eternal grumbler, the crazy and decrepit Count? With +that swindler, that prince of rascals, Misha, with his fool's +face? Tell me, I say, how did you get here? + +ANNA. [laughing] That is what he used to say, long ago, oh, +exactly! Only his eyes are larger than yours, and when he was +excited they used to shine like coals--go on, go on! + +LVOFF. [Gets up and waves his hand] There is nothing more to say. +Go into the house. + +ANNA. You say that Nicholas is not what he should be, that his +faults are so and so. How can you possibly understand him? How +can you learn to know any one in six months? He is a wonderful +man, Doctor, and I am sorry you could not have known him as he +was two or three years ago. He is depressed and silent now, and +broods all day without doing anything, but he was splendid then. +I fell in love with him at first sight. [Laughing] I gave one +look and was caught like a mouse in a trap! So when he asked me +to go with him I cut every tie that bound me to my old life as +one snips the withered leaves from a plant. But things are +different now. Now he goes to the Lebedieff's to amuse himself +with other women, and I sit here in the garden and listen to the +owls. [The WATCHMAN'S rattle is heard] Tell me, Doctor, have you +any brothers and sisters? + +LVOFF. No. + +ANNA sobs. + +LVOFF. What is it? What is the matter? + +ANNA. I can't stand it, Doctor, I must go. + +LVOFF. Where? + +ANNA. To him. I am going. Have the horses harnessed. [She runs +into the house.] + +LVOFF. No, I certainly cannot go on treating any one under these +conditions. I not only have to do it for nothing, but I am forced +to endure this agony of mind besides. No, no, I can't stand it. I +have had enough of it. [He goes into the house.] + +The curtain falls. + +ACT II + +The drawing-room of LEBEDIEFFÕS house. In the centre is a door +leading into a garden. Doors open out of the room to the right +and left. The room is furnished with valuable old furniture, +which is carefully protected by linen covers. The walls are hung +with pictures. The room is lighted by candelabra. ZINAIDA is +sitting on a sofa; the elderly guests are sitting in arm-chairs +on either hand. The young guests are sitting about the room on +small chairs. KOSICH, AVDOTIA NAZAROVNA, GEORGE, and others are +playing cards in the background. GABRIEL is standing near the +door on the right. The maid is passing sweetmeats about on a +tray. During the entire act guests come and go from the garden, +through the room, out of the door on the left, and back again. +Enter MARTHA through the door on the right. She goes toward +ZINAIDA. + +ZINAIDA. [Gaily] My dearest Martha! + +MARTHA. How do you do, Zinaida? Let me congratulate you on your +daughter's birthday. + +ZINAIDA. Thank you, my dear; I am delighted to see you. How are +you? + +MARTHA. Very well indeed, thank you. [She sits down on the sofa] +Good evening, young people! + +The younger guests get up and bow. + +FIRST GUEST. [Laughing] Young people indeed! Do you call yourself +an old person? + +MARTHA. [Sighing] How can I make any pretense to youth now? + +FIRST GUEST. What nonsense! The fact that you are a widow means +nothing. You could beat any pretty girl you chose at a canter. + +GABRIEL brings MARTHA some tea. + +ZINAIDA. Why do you bring the tea in like that? Go and fetch some +jam to eat with it! + +MARTHA. No thank you; none for me, don't trouble yourself. [A +pause.] + +FIRST GUEST. [To MARTHA] Did you come through Mushkine on your +way here? + +MARTHA. No, I came by way of Spassk. The road is better that way. + +FIRST GUEST. Yes, so it is. + +KOSICH. Two in spades. + +GEORGE. Pass. + +AVDOTIA. Pass. + +SECOND GUEST. Pass. + +MARTHA. The price of lottery tickets has gone up again, my dear. +I have never known such a state of affairs. The first issue is +already worth two hundred and seventy and the second nearly two +hundred and fifty. This has never happened before. + +ZINAIDA. How fortunate for those who have a great many tickets! + +MARTHA. Don't say that, dear; even when the price of tickets is +high it does not pay to put one's capital into them. + +ZINAIDA. Quite true, and yet, my dear, one never can tell what +may happen. Providence is sometimes kind. + +THIRD GUEST. My impression is, ladies, that at present capital is +exceedingly unproductive. Shares pay very small dividends, and +speculating is exceedingly dangerous. As I understand it, the +capitalist now finds himself in a more critical position than the +man who--- + +MARTHA. Quite right. + +FIRST GUEST yawns. + +MARTHA. How dare you yawn in the presence of ladies? + +FIRST GUEST. I beg your pardon! It was quite an accident. + +ZINAIDA gets up and goes out through the door on the right. + +GEORGE. Two in hearts. + +SECOND GUEST. Pass. + +KOSICH. Pass. + +MARTHA. [Aside] Heavens! This is deadly! I shall die of ennui. + +Enter ZINAIDA and LEBEDIEFF through the door on the right. + +ZINAIDA. Why do you go off by yourself like a prima donna? Come +and sit with our guests! + +[She sits down in her former place.] + +LEBEDIEFF. [Yawning] Oh, dear, our sins are heavy! [He catches +sight of MARTHA] Why, there is my little sugar-plum! How is your +most esteemed highness? + +MARTHA. Very well, thank you. + +LEBEDIEFF. Splendid, splendid! [He sits down in an armchair] +Quite right--Oh, Gabriel! + +GABRIEL brings him a glass of vodka and a tumbler of water. He +empties the glass of vodka and sips the water. + +FIRST GUEST. Good health to you! + +LEBEDIEFF. Good health is too much to ask. I am content to keep +death from the door. [To his wife] Where is the heroine of this +occasion, Zuzu? + +KOSICH. [In a plaintive voice] Look here, why haven't we taken +any tricks yet? [He jumps up] Yes, why have we lost this game +entirely, confound it? + +AVDOTIA. [Jumps up angrily] Because, friend, you don't know how +to play it, and have no right to be sitting here at all. What +right had you to lead from another suit? Haven't you the ace +left? [They both leave the table and run forward.] + +KOSICH. [In a tearful voice] Ladies and gentlemen, let me +explain! I had the ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds, the +ace of spades and one, just one, little heart, do you understand? +Well, she, bad luck to her, she couldn't make a little slam. I +said one in no-trumps--- * + +*The game played is vint, the national card-game of Russia and +the direct ancestor of auction bridge, with which it is almost +identical. [translator's note] + +AVDOTIA. [Interrupting him] No, I said one in no-trumps; you said +two in no-trumps--- + +KOSICH. This is unbearable! Allow me--you had--I had--you had-- +[To LEBEDIEFF] But you shall decide it, Paul: I had the ace, +king, queen, and eight of diamonds--- + +LEBEDIEFF. [Puts his fingers into his ears] Stop, for heaven's +sake, stop! + +AVDOTIA. [Yelling] I said no-trumps, and not he! + +KOSICH. [Furiously] I'll be damned if I ever sit down to another +game of cards with that old cat! + +He rushes into the garden. The SECOND GUEST follows him. GEORGE +is left alone at the table. + +AVDOTIA. Whew! He makes my blood boil! Old cat, indeed! You're an +old cat yourself! + +MARTHA. How angry you are, aunty! + +AVDOTIA. [Sees MARTHA and claps her hands] Are you here, my +darling? My beauty! And was I blind as a bat, and didn't see you? +Darling child! [She kisses her and sits down beside her] How +happy this makes me! Let me feast my eyes on you, my milk-white +swan! Oh, oh, you have bewitched me! + +LEBEDIEFF. Why don't you find her a husband instead of singing +her praises? + +AVDOTIA. He shall be found. I shall not go to my grave before I +have found a husband for her, and one for Sasha too. I shall not +go to my grave-- [She sighs] But where to find these husbands +nowadays? There sit some possible bridegrooms now, huddled +together like a lot of half-drowned rats! + +THIRD GUEST. A most unfortunate comparison! It is my belief, +ladies, that if the young men of our day prefer to remain single, +the fault lies not with them, but with the existing, social +conditions! + +LEBEDIEFF. Come, enough of that! Don't give us any mo re +philosophy; I don't like it! + +Enter SASHA. She goes up to her father. + +SASHA. How can you endure the stuffy air of this room when the +weather is so beautiful? + +ZINAIDA. My dear Sasha, don't you see that Martha is here? + +SASHA. I beg your pardon. + +[She goes up to MARTHA and shakes hands.] + +MARTHA. Yes, here I am, my dear little Sasha, and proud to +congratulate you. [They kiss each other] Many happy returns of +the day, dear! + +SASHA. Thank you! [She goes and sits down by her father.] + +LEBEDIEFF. As you were saying, Avdotia Nazarovna, husbands are +hard to find. I don't want to be rude, but I must say that the +young men of the present are a dull and poky lot, poor fellows! +They can't dance or talk or drink as they should do. + +AVDOTIA. Oh, as far as drinking goes, they are all experts. Just +give them--give them--- + +LEBEDIEFF. Simply to drink is no art. A horse can drink. No, it +must be done in the right way. In my young days we used to sit +and cudgel our brains all day over our lessons, but as soon as +evening came we would fly off on some spree and keep it up till +dawn. How we used to dance and flirt, and drink, too! Or +sometimes we would sit and chatter and discuss everything under +the sun until we almost wagged our tongues off. But now-- [He +waves his hand] Boys are a puzzle to me. They are not willing +either to give a candle to God or a pitchfork to the devil! There +is only one young fellow in the country who is worth a penny, and +he is married. [Sighs] They say, too, that he is going crazy. + +MARTHA. Who is he? + +LEBEDIEFF. Nicholas Ivanoff. + +MARTHA. Yes, he is a fine fellow, only [Makes a face] he is very +unhappy. + +ZINAIDA. How could he be otherwise, poor boy! [She sighs] He made +such a bad mistake. When he married that Jewess of his he thought +of course that her parents would give away whole mountains of +gold with her, but, on the contrary, on the day she became a +Christian they disowned her, and Ivanoff has never seen a penny +of the money. He has repented of his folly now, but it is too +late. + +SASHA. Mother, that is not true! + +MARTHA. How can you say it is not true, Sasha, when we all know +it to be a fact? Why did he have to marry a Jewess? He must have +had some reason for doing it. Are Russian girls so scarce? No, he +made a mistake, poor fellow, a sad mistake. [Excitedly] And what +on earth can he do with her now? Where could she go if he were to +come home some day and say: "Your parents have deceived me; leave +my house at once!" Her parents wouldn't take her back. She might +find a place as a house-maid if she had ever learned to work, +which she hasn't. He worries and worries her now, but the Count +interferes. If it had not been for the Count, he would have +worried her to death long ago. + +AVDOTIA. They say he shuts her up in a cellar and stuffs her with +garlic, and she eats and eats until her very soul reeks of it. +[Laughter.] + +SASHA. But, father, you know that isn't true! + +LEBEDIEFF. What if it isn't, Sasha? Let them spin yarns if it +amuses them. [He calls] Gabriel! + +GABRIEL brings him another glass of vodka and a glass of water. + +ZINAIDA. His misfortunes have almost ruined him, poor man. His +affairs are in a frightful condition. If Borkin did not take such +good charge of his estate he and his Jewess would soon be +starving to death. [She sighs] And what anxiety he has caused us! +Heaven only knows how we have suffered. Do you realise, my dear, +that for three years he has owed us nine thousand roubles? + +MARTHA. [Horrified] Nine thousand! + +ZINAIDA. Yes, that is the sum that my dear Paul has undertaken to +lend him. He never knows to whom it is safe to lend money and to +whom it is not. I don't worry about the principal, but he ought +to pay the interest on his debt. + +SASHA. [Hotly] Mamma, you have already discussed this subject at +least a thousand times! + +ZINAIDA. What difference does it make to you? Why should you +interfere? + +SASHA. What is this mania you all have for gossiping about a man +who has never done any of you any harm? Tell me, what harm has he +done you? + +THIRD GUEST. Let me say two words, Miss Sasha. I esteem Ivanoff, +and have always found him an honourable man, but, between +ourselves, I also consider him an adventurer. + +SASHA. I congratulate you on your opinion! + +THIRD GUEST. In proof of its truth, permit me to present to you +the following facts, as they were communicated to me by his +secretary, or shall I say rather, by his factotum, Borkin. Two +years ago, at the time of the cattle plague, he bought some +cattle and had them insured-- + +ZINAIDA. Yes, I remember hearing' of that. + +THIRD GUEST. He had them insured, as you understand, and then +inoculated them with the disease and claimed the insurance. + +SASHA. Oh, what nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! No one bought or +inoculated any cattle! The story was invented by Borkin, who then +went about boasting of his clever plan. Ivanoff would not forgive +Borkin for two weeks after he heard of it. He is only guilty of a +weak character and too great faith in humanity. He can't make up +his mind to get rid of that Borkin, and so all his possessions +have been tricked and stolen from him. Every one who has had +anything to do with Ivanoff has taken advantage of his generosity +to grow rich. + +LEBEDIEFF. Sasha, you little firebrand, that will do! + +SASHA. Why do you all talk like this? This eternal subject of +Ivanoff, Ivanoff, and always Ivanoff has grown insufferable, and +yet you never speak of anything else. [She goes toward the door, +then stops and comes back] I am surprised, [To the young men] and +utterly astonished at your patience, young men! How can you sit +there like that? Aren't you bored? Why, the very air is as dull +as ditchwater! Do, for heaven's sake say something; try to amuse +the girls a little, move about! Or if you can't talk of anything +except Ivanoff, you might laugh or sing or dance--- + +LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] That's right, Sasha! Give them a good +scolding. + +SASHA. Look here, will you do me a favour? If you refuse to dance +or sing or laugh, if all that is tedious, then let me beg you, +implore you, to summon all your powers, if only for this once, +and make one witty or clever remark. Let it be as impertinent and +malicious as you like, so long as it is funny and original. Won't +you perform this miracle, just once, to surprise us and make us +laugh? Or else you might think of some little thing which you +could all do together, something to make you stir about. Let the +girls admire you for once in their lives! Listen to me! I suppose +you want them to like you? Then why don't try to make them do it? +Oh, dear! There is something wrong with you all! You are a lot of +sleepy stick-in-the-muds! I have told you so a thousand times and +shall always go on repeating it; there is something wrong with +every one of you; something wrong, wrong, wrong! + +Enter IVANOFF and SHABELSKI through the door on the right. + +SHABELSKI. Who is making a speech here? Is it you, Sasha? [He +laughs and shakes hands with her] Many happy returns of the day, +my dear child. May you live as long as possible in this life, but +never be born again! + +ZINAIDA. [Joyfully] My dear Count! + +LEBEDIEFF. Who can this be? Not you, Count? + +SHABELSKI. [Sees ZINAIDA and MARTHA sitting side by side] Two +gold mines side by side! What a pleasant picture it makes! [He +shakes hands with ZINAIDA] Good evening, Zuzu! [Shakes hands with +MARTHA] Good evening, Birdie! + +ZINAIDA. I am charmed to see you, Count. You are a rare visitor +here now. [Calls] Gabriel, bring some tea! Please sit down. + +She gets up and goes to the door and back, evidently much +preoccupied. SASHA sits down in her former place. IVANOFF +silently shakes hands with every one. + +LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] What miracle has brought you here? You +have given us a great surprise. Why, Count, you're a rascal, you +haven't been treating us right at all. [Leads him forward by the +hand] Tell me, why don't you ever come to see us now? Are you +offended? + +SHABELSKI. How can I get here to see you? Astride a broomstick? I +have no horses of my own, and Nicholas won't take me with him +when he goes out. He says I must stay at home to amuse Sarah. +Send your horses for me and I shall come with pleasure. + +LEBE DIEFF. [With a wave of the hand] Oh, that is easy to say! +But Zuzu would rather have a fit than lend the horses to any one. +My dear, dear old friend, you are more to me than any one I know! +You and I are survivors of those good old days that are gone +forever, and you alone bring back to my mind the love and +longings of my lost youth. Of course I am only joking, and yet, +do you know, I am almost in tears? + +SHABELSKI. Stop, stop! You smell like the air of a wine cellar. + +LEBEDIEFF. Dear friend, you cannot imagine how lonely I am +without my old companions! I could hang myself! [Whispers] Zuzu +has frightened all the decent men away with her stingy ways, and +now we have only this riff-raff, as you see: Tom, Dick, and +Harry. However, drink your tea. + +ZINAIDA. [Anxiously, to GABRIEL] Don't bring it in like that! Go +fetch some jam to eat with it! + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Didn't I tell you so ? +[To LEBEDIEFF] I bet him driving over, that as soon as we arrived +Zuzu would want to feed us with jam! + +ZINAIDA. Still joking, Count! [She sits down.] + +LEBEDIEFF. She made twenty jars of it this year, and how else do +you expect her to get rid of it? + +SHABELSKI. [Sits down near the table] Are you still adding to the +hoard, Zuzu? You will soon have a million, eh? + +ZINAIDA. [Sighing] I know it seems as if no one could be richer +than we, but where do they think the money comes from? It is all +gossip. + +SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, we all know that! We know how badly you play +your cards! Tell me, Paul, honestly, have you saved up a million +yet? + +LEBEDIEFF. I don't know. Ask Zuzu. + +SHABELSKI. [To MARTHA] And my plump little Birdie here will soon +have a million too! She is getting prettier and plumper not only +every day, but every hour. That means she has a nice little +fortune. + +MARTHA. Thank you very much, your highness, but I don't like such +jokes. + +SHABELSKI. My dear little gold mine, do you call that a joke? It +was a wail of the soul, a cry from the heart, that burst through +my lips. My love for you and Zuzu is immense. [Gaily] Oh, +rapture! Oh, bliss! I cannot look at you two without a madly +beating heart! + +ZINAIDA. You are still the same, Count. [To GEORGE] Put out the +candles please, George. [GEORGE gives a start. He puts out the +candles and sits down again] How is your wife, Nicholas? + +IVANOFF. She is very ill. The doctor said to-day that she +certainly had consumption. + +ZINAIDA. Really? Oh, how sad! [She sighs] And we are all so fond +of her! + +SHABELSKI. What trash you all talk! That story was invented by +that sham doctor, and is nothing but a trick of his. He wants to +masquerade as an Aesculapius, and so has started this consumption +theory. Fortunately her husband isn't jealous. [IVANOFF makes an +inpatient gesture] As for Sarah, I wouldn't trust a word or an +action of hers. I have made a point all my life of mistrusting +all doctors, lawyers, and women. They are shammers and deceivers. + +LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] You are an extraordinary person, +Matthew! You have mounted this misanthropic hobby of yours, and +you ride it through thick and thin like a lunatic You are a man +like any other, and yet, from the way you talk one would imagine +that you had the pip, or a cold in the head. + +SHABELSKI. Would you have me go about kissing every rascal and +scoundrel I meet? + +LEBEDIEFF. Where do you find all these rascals and scoundrels? + +SHABELSKI. Of course I am not talking of any one here present, +nevertheless---- + +LEBEDIEFF. There you are again with your "nevertheless." All this +is simply a fancy of yours. + +SHABELSKI. A fancy? It is lucky for you that you have no +knowledge of the world! + +LEBEDIEFF. My knowledge of the world is this: I must sit here +prepared at any moment to have death come knocking at the door. +That is my knowledge of the world. At our age, brother, you and I +can't afford to worry about knowledge of the world. So then-- [He +calls] Oh, Gabriel! + +SHABELSKI. You have had quite enough already. Look at your nose. + +LEBEDIEFF. No matter, old boy. I am not going to be married +to-day. + +ZINAIDA. Doctor Lvoff has not been here for a long time. He seems +to have forgotten us. + +SASHA. That man is one of my aversions. I can't stand his icy +sense of honour. He can't ask for a glass of water or smoke a +cigarette without making a display of his remarkable honesty. +Walking and talking, it is written on his brow: "I am an honest +man." He is a great bore. + +SHABELSKI. He is a narrow-minded, conceited medico. [Angrily] He +shrieks like a parrot at every step: "Make way for honest +endeavour!" and thinks himself another St. Francis. Everybody is +a rascal who doesn't make as much noise as he does. As for his +penetration, it is simply remarkable! If a peasant is well off +and lives decently, he sees at once that he must be a thief and a +scoundrel. If I wear a velvet coat and am dressed by my valet, I +am a rascal and the valet is my slave. There is no place in this +world for a man like him. I am actually afraid of him. Yes, +indeed, he is likely, out of a sense of duty, to insult a man at +any moment and to call him a knave. + +IVANOFF. I am dreadfully tired of him, but I can't help liking +him, too, he is so sincere. + +SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, his sincerity is beautiful! He came up to me +yesterday evening and remarked absolutely apropos of nothing: +"Count, I have a deep aversion to you!" It isn't as if he said +such things simply, but they are extremely pointed. His voice +trembles, his eyes flash, his veins swell. Confound his infernal +honesty! Supposing I am disgusting and odious to him? What is +more natural? I know that I am, but I don't like to be told so to +my face. I am a worthless old man, but he might have the decency +to respect my grey hairs. Oh, what stupid, heartless honesty! + +LEBEDIEFF. Come, come, you have been young yourself, and should +make allowances for him. + +SHABELSKI. Yes, I have been young and reckless; I have played the +fool in my day and have seen plenty of knaves and scamps, but I +have never called a thief a thief to his face, or talked of ropes +in the house of a man who had been hung. I knew how to behave, +but this idiotic doctor of yours would think himself in the +seventh heaven of happiness if fate would allow him to pull my +nose in public in the name of morality and human ideals. + +LEBEDIEFF. Young men are all stubborn and restive. I had an uncle +once who thought himself a philosopher. He would fill his house +with guests, and after he had had a drink he would get up on a +chair, like this, and begin: "You ignoramuses! You powers of +darkness! This is the dawn of a new life!" And so on and so on; +he would preach and preach--- + +SASHA. And the guests? + +LEBEDIEFF. They would just sit and listen and go on drinking. +Once, though, I challenged him to a duel, challenged my own +uncle! It came out of a discussion about Sir Francis Bacon. I was +sitting, I remember, where Matthew is, and my uncle and the late +Gerasim Nilitch were standing over there, about where Nicholas is +now. Well, Gerasim Nilitch propounded this question--- + +Enter BORKIN. He is dressed like a dandy and carries a parcel +under his arm. He comes in singing and skipping through the door +on the right. A murmur of approval is heard. + +THE GIRLS. Oh, Michael Borkin! + +LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Misha! + +SHABELSKI. The soul of the company! + +BORKIN. Here we are! [He runs up to SASHA] Most noble Signorina, +let me be so bold as to wish to the whole world many happy +returns of the birthday of such an exquisite flower as you! As a +token of my enthusiasm let me presume to present you with these +fireworks and this Bengal fire of my own manufacture. [He hands +her the parcel] May they illuminate the night as brightly as you +illuminate the shadows of this dark world. [He spreads them out +theatrically before her.] + +SASHA. Thank you. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Why don't you send this +Judas packing? + +BORKIN. [To LEBEDIEFF] My compliments to you, sir. [To IVANOFF] +How are you, my patron? [Sings] Nicholas voila, hey ho hey! [He +greets everybody in turn] Most highly honoured Zinaida! Oh, +glorious Martha! Most ancient Avdotia! Noblest of Counts! + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing] The life of the company! The moment he +comes in the air fe els livelier. Have you noticed it? + +BORKIN. Whew! I am tired! I believe I have shaken hands with +everybody. Well, ladies and gentlemen, haven't you some little +tidbit to tell me; something spicy? [Speaking quickly to ZINAIDA] +Oh, aunty! I have something to tell you. As I was on my way +here-- [To GABRIEL] Some tea, please Gabriel, but without jam--as +I was on my way here I saw some peasants down on the river-bank +pulling the bark off the trees. Why don't you lease that meadow? + +LEBEDIEFF. [To IVANOFF] Why don't you send that Judas away? + +ZINAIDA. [Startled] Why, that is quite true! I never thought of +it. + +BORKIN. [Swinging his arms] I can't sit still! What tricks shall +we be up to next, aunty? I am all on edge, Martha, absolutely +exalted. [He sings] + + "Once more I stand before thee!" + +ZINAIDA. Think of something to amuse us, Misha, we are all bored. + +BORKIN. Yes, you look so. What is the matter with you all? Why +are you sitting there as solemn as a jury? Come, let us play +something; what shall it be? Forfeits? Hide-and-seek? Tag? Shall +we dance, or have the fireworks? + +THE GIRLS. [Clapping their hands] The fireworks! The fireworks! +[They run into the garden.] + +SASHA. [ To IVANOFF] What makes you so depressed today? + +IVANOFF. My head aches, little Sasha, and then I feel bored. + +SASHA. Come into the sitting-room with me. + +They go out through the door on the right. All the guests go into +the garden and ZINAIDA and LEBEDIEFF are left alone. + +ZINAIDA. That is what I like to see! A young man like Misha comes +into the room and in a minute he has everybody laughing. [She +puts out the large lamp] There is no reason the candles should +burn for nothing so long as they are all in the garden. [She +blows out the candles.] + +LEBEDIEFF. [Following her] We really ought to give our guests +something to eat, Zuzu! + +ZINAIDA. What crowds of candles; no wonder we are thought rich. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Still following her] Do let them have something to +eat, Zuzu; they are young and must be hungry by now, poor +things--Zuzu! + +ZINAIDA. The Count did not finish his tea, and all that sugar has +been wasted. [Goes out through the door on the left.] + +LEBEDIEFF. Bah! [Goes out into the garden.] + +Enter IVANOFF and SASHA through the door on the right. + +IVANOFF. This is how it is, Sasha: I used to work hard and think +hard, and never tire; now, I neither do anything nor think +anything, and I am weary, body and soul. I feel I am terribly to +blame, my conscience leaves me no peace day or night, and yet I +can't see clearly exactly what my mistakes are. And now comes my +wife's illness, our poverty, this eternal backbiting, gossiping, +chattering, that foolish Borkin--My home has become unendurable +to me, and to live there is worse than torture. Frankly, Sasha, +the presence of my wife, who loves me, has become unbearable. You +are an old friend, little Sasha, you will not be angry with me +for speaking so openly. I came to you to be cheered, but I am +bored here too, something urges me home again. Forgive me, I +shall slip away at once. + +SASHA. I can understand your trouble, Nicholas. You are unhappy +because you are lonely. You need some one at your side whom you +can love, someone who understands you. + +IVANOFF. What an idea, Sasha! Fancy a crusty old badger like +myself starting a love affair! Heaven preserve me from such +misfortune! No, my little sage, this is not a case for romance. +The fact is, I can endure all I have to suffer: sadness, sickness +of mind, ruin, the loss of my wife, and my lonely, broken old +age, but I cannot, I will not, endure the contempt I have for +myself! I am nearly killed by shame when I think that a strong, +healthy man like myself has become--oh, heaven only knows +what--by no means a Manfred or a Hamlet! There are some +unfortunates who feel flattered when people call them Hamlets and +cynics, but to me it is an insult. It wounds my pride and I am +tortured by shame and suffer agony. + +SASHA. [Laughing through her tears] Nicholas, let us run away to +America together! + +IVANOFF. I haven't the energy to take such a step as that, and +besides, in America you-- [They go toward the door into the +garden] As a matter of fact, Sasha, this is not a good place for +you to live. When I look about at the men who surround you I am +terrified for you; whom is there you could marry? Your only +chance will be if some passing lieutenant or student steals your +heart and carries you away. + +Enter ZINAIDA through the door on the right with a jar of jam. + +IVANOFF. Excuse me, Sasha, I shall join you in a minute. + +SASHA goes out into the garden. + +IVANOFF. [To ZINAIDA] Zinaida, may I ask you a favour? + +ZINAIDA. What is it? + +IVANOFF. The fact is, you know, that the interest on my note is +due day after to-morrow, but I should be more than obliged to you +if you will let me postpone the payment of it, or would let me +add the interest to the capital. I simply cannot pay it now; I +haven't the money. + +ZINAIDA. Oh, Ivanoff, how could I do such a thing? Would it be +business-like? No, no, don't ask it, don't torment an unfortunate +old woman. + +IVANOFF. I beg your pardon. [He goes out into the garden.] + +ZINAIDA. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! What a fright he gave me! I am +trembling all over. [Goes out through the door on the right.] + +Enter KOSICH through the door on the left. He walks across the +stage. + +KOSICH. I had the ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds, the +ace of spades, and one, just one little heart, and she--may the +foul fiend fly away with her,--she couldn't make a little slam! + +Goes out through the door on the right. Enter from the garden +AVDOTIA and FIRST GUEST. + +AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her, the +miserable old miser! How I should like it! Does she think it a +joke to leave us sitting here since five o'clock without even +offering us a crust to eat? What a house! What management! + +FIRST GUEST. I am so bored that I feel like beating my head +against the wall. Lord, what a queer lot of people! I shall soon +be howling like a wolf and snapping at them from hunger and +weariness. + +AVDOTIA. How I should like to get my claws into her, the old +sinner! + +FIRST GUEST. I shall get a drink, old lady, and then home I go! I +won't have anything to do with these belles of yours. How the +devil can a man think of love who hasn't had a drop to drink +since dinner? + +AVDOTIA. Come on, we will go and find something. + +FIRST GUEST. Sh! Softly! I think the brandy is in the sideboard +in the dining-room. We will find George! Sh! + +They go out through the door on the left. Enter ANNA and LVOFF +through the door on the right. + +ANNA. No, they will be glad to see us. Is no one here? Then they +must be in the garden. + +LVOFF. I should like to know why you have brought me into this +den of wolves. This is no place for you and me; honourable people +should not be subjected to such influences as these. + +ANNA. Listen to me, Mr. Honourable Man. When you are escorting a +lady it is very bad manners to talk to her the whole way about +nothing but your own honesty. Such behaviour may be perfectly +honest, but it is also tedious, to say the least. Never tell a +woman how good you are; let her find it out herself. My Nicholas +used only to sing and tell stories when he was young as you are, +and yet every woman knew at once what kind of a man he was. + +LVOFF. Don't talk to me of your Nicholas; I know all about him! + +ANNA. You are a very worthy man, but you don't know anything at +all. Come into the garden. He never said: "I am an honest man; +these surroundings are too narrow for me." He never spoke of +wolves' dens, called people bears or vultures. He left the animal +kingdom alone, and the most I have ever heard him say when he was +excited was: "Oh, how unjust I have been to-day!" or "Annie, I am +sorry for that man." That's what he would say, but you-- + +ANNA and LVOFF go out. Enter AVDOTIA and FIRST GUEST through the +door on the left. + +FIRST GUEST. There isn't any in the dining-room, so it must be +somewhere in the pantry. We must find George. Come this way, +through the sitting-room. + +AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her! + +They go out through the door on the right. MARTHA and BORKIN run +in laughing from the garden. SHABELSK I comes mincing behind +them, laughing and rubbing his hands. + +MARTHA. Oh, I am so bored! [Laughs loudly] This is deadly! Every +one looks as if he had swallowed a poker. I am frozen to the +marrow by this icy dullness. [She skips about] Let us do +something! + +BORKIN catches her by the waist and kisses her cheek. + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing and snapping his fingers] Well, I'll be +hanged! [Cackling] Really, you know! + +MARTHA. Let go! Let go, you wretch! What will the Count think? +Stop, I say! + +BORKIN. Angel! Jewel! Lend me twenty-three hundred roubles. + +MARTHA. Most certainly not! Do what you please, but I'll thank +you to leave my money alone. No, no, no! Oh, let go, will you? + +SHABELSKI. [Mincing around them] The little birdie has its +charms! [Seriously] Come, that will do! + +BORKIN. Let us come to the point, and consider my proposition +frankly as a business arrangement. Answer me honestly, without +tricks and equivocations, do you agree to do it or not? Listen to +me; [Pointing to Shabelski] he needs money to the amount of at +least three thousand a year; you need a husband. Do you want to +be a Countess? + +SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly] Oh, the cynic! + +BORKIN. Do you want to be a Countess or not? + +MARTHA. [Excitedly] Wait a minute; really, Misha, these things +aren't done in a second like this. If the Count wants to marry +me, let him ask me himself, and--and--I don't see, I don't +understand--all this is so sudden--- + +BORKIN. Come, don't let us beat about the bush; this is a +business arrangement. Do you agree or not? + +SHABELSKI. [Chuckling and rubbing his hands] Supposing I do marry +her, eh? Hang it, why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? +What do you say, little puss? [He kisses her cheek] Dearest +chick-a-biddy! + +MARTHA. Stop! Stop! I hardly know what I am doing. Go away! +No--don't go! + +BORKIN. Answer at once: is it yes or no? We can't stand here +forever. + +MARTHA. Look here, Count, come and visit me for three or four +days. It is gay at my house, not like this place. Come to-morrow. +[To BORKIN] Or is this all a joke? + +BORKIN. [Angrily] How could I joke on such a serious subject? + +MARTHA. Wait! Stop! Oh, I feel faint! A Countess! I am fainting, +I am falling! + +BORKIN and SHABELSKI laugh and catch her by the arms. They kiss +her cheeks and lead her out through the door on the right. +IVANOFF and SASHA run in from the garden. + +IVANOFF. [Desperately clutching his head] It can't be true! Don't +Sasha, don't! Oh, I implore you not to! + +SASHA. I love you madly. Without you my life can have no meaning, +no happiness, no hope. + +IVANOFF. Why, why do you say that? What do you mean? Little +Sasha, don't say it! + +SASHA. You were the only joy of my childhood; I loved you body +and soul then, as myself, but now--Oh, I love you, Nicholas! Take +me with you to the ends of the earth, wherever you wish; but for +heaven's sake let us go at once, or I shall die. + +IVANOFF. [Shaking with wild laughter] What is this? Is it the +beginning for me of a new life? Is it, Sasha? Oh, my happiness, +my joy! [He draws her to him] My freshness, my youth! + +Enter ANNA from the garden. She sees her husband and SASHA, and +stops as if petrified. + +IVANOFF. Oh, then I shall live once more? And work? + +IVANOFF and SASHA kiss each other. After the kiss they look +around and see ANNA. + +IVANOFF. [With horror] Sarah! + +The curtain falls. + +ACT III + +Library in IVANOFF'S house. On the walls hang maps, pictures, +guns, pistols, sickles, whips, etc. A writing-table. On it lie in +disorder knick-knacks, papers, books, parcels, and several +revolvers. Near the papers stand a lamp, a decanter of vodka, and +a plate of salted herrings. Pieces of bread and cucumber are +scattered about. SHABELSKI and LEBEDIEFF are sitting at the +writing-table. BORKIN is sitting astride a chair in the middle of +the room. PETER is standing near the door. + +LEBEDIEFF. The policy of France is clear and definite; the French +know what they want: it is to skin those German sausages, but the +Germans must sing another song; France is not the only thorn in +their flesh. + +SHABELSKI. Nonsense! In my opinion the Germans are cowards and +the French are the same. They are showing their teeth at one +another, but you can take my word for it, they will not do more +than that; they'll never fight! + +BORKIN. Why should they fight? Why all these congresses, this +arming and expense? Do you know what I would do in their place? I +would catch all the dogs in the kingdom and inoculate them with +Pasteur's serum, then I would let them loose in the enemy's +country, and the enemies would all go mad in a month. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] His head is small, but the great ideas are +hidden away in it like fish in the sea! + +SHABELSKI. Oh, he is a genius. + +LEBEDIEFF. Heaven help you, Misha, you are a funny chap. [He +stops laughing] But how is this, gentlemen? Here we are talking +Germany, Germany, and never a word about vodka! Repetatur! [He +fills three glasses] Here's to you all! [He drinks and eats] This +herring is the best of all relishes. + +SHABELSKI. No, no, these cucumbers are better; every wise man +since the creation of the world has been trying to invent +something better than a salted cucumber, and not one has +succeeded. [To PETER] Peter, go and fetch some more cucumbers. +And Peter, tell the cook to make four little onion pasties, and +see that we get them hot. + +PETER goes out. + +LEBEDIEFF. Caviar is good with vodka, but it must be prepared +with skill. Take a quarter of a pound of pressed caviar, two +little onions, and a little olive oil; mix them together and put +a slice of lemon on top--so! Lord! The very perfume would drive +you crazy! + +BORKIN. Roast snipe are good too, but they must be cooked right. +They should first be cleaned, then sprinkled with bread crumbs, +and roasted until they will crackle between the teeth--crunch, +crunch! + +SHABELSKI. We had something good at Martha's yesterday: white +mushrooms. + +LEBEDIEFF. You don't say so! + +SHABELSKI. And they were especially well prepared, too, with +onions and bay-leaves and spices, you know. When the dish was +opened, the odour that floated out was simply intoxicating! + +LEBEDIEFF. What do you say, gentlemen? Repetatur! [He drinks] +Good health to you! [He looks at his watch] I must be going. I +can't wait for Nicholas. So you say Martha gave you mushrooms? We +haven't seen one at home. Will you please tell me, Count, what +plot you are hatching that takes you to Martha's so often? + +SHABELSKI. [Nodding at BORKIN] He wants me to marry her. + +LEBEDIEFF. Wants you to marry her! How old are you? + +SHABELSKI. Sixty-two. + +LEBEDIEFF. Really, you are just the age to marry, aren't you? And +Martha is just suited to you! + +BORKIN. This is not a question of Martha, but of Martha's money. + +LEBEDIEFF. Aren't you moonstruck, and don't you want the moon +too? + +SHABELSKI. Borkin here is quite in earnest about it; the clever +fellow is sure I shall obey orders, and marry Martha. + +BORKIN. What do you mean? Aren't you sure yourself? + +SHABELSKI. Are you mad? I never was sure of anything. Bah! + +BORKIN. Many thanks! I am much obliged to you for the +information. So you are trying to fool me, are you? First you say +you will marry Martha and then you say you won't; the devil only +knows which you really mean, but I have given her my word of +honour that you will. So you have changed your mind, have you? + +SHABELSKI. He is actually in earnest; what an extraordinary man! + +BORKIN. [losing his temper] If that is how you feel about it, why +have you turned an honest woman's head? Her heart is set on your +title, and she can neither eat nor sleep for thinking of it. How +can you make a jest of such things? Do you think such behaviour +is honourable? + +SHABELSKI. [Snapping his fingers] Well, why not play her this +shabby trick, after all? Eh? Just out of spite? I shall certainly +do it, upon my word I shall! What a joke it will be! + +Enter LVOFF. + +LEBEDIEFF. We bow before you, Aesculapius! [He shakes hands with +LVOFF and sings] + + "Doctor, doctor, save, oh, save me, + I am scared to death of dying!" + +LVOFF. Hasn't Ivanoff come home yet? + +LEBEDIEFF. Not yet. I have been waiting for him myself for over +an hour. + +LVOFF walks impatiently up and down. + +LEBEDIEFF. How is Anna to-day? + +LVO FF. Very ill. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Sighing] May one go and pay one's respects to her? + +LVOFF. No, please don't. She is asleep, I believe. + +LEBEDIEFF. She is a lovely, charming woman. [Sighing] The day she +fainted at our house, on Sasha's birthday, I saw that she had not +much longer to live, poor thing. Let me see, why did she faint? +When I ran up, she was lying on the floor, ashy white, with +Nicholas on his knees beside her, and Sasha was standing by them +in tears. Sasha and I went about almost crazy for a week after +that. + +SHABELSKI. [To LVOFF] Tell me, most honoured disciple of science, +what scholar discovered that the frequent visits of a young +doctor were beneficial to ladies suffering from affections of the +chest? It is a remarkable discovery, remarkable! Would you call +such treatment Allopathic or Homeopathic? + +LVOFF tries to answer, but makes an impatient gesture instead, +and walks out of the room. + +SHABELSKI. What a withering look he gave me! + +LEBEDIEFF. Some fiend must prompt you to say such things! Why did +you offend him? + +SHABELSKI. [Angrily] Why does he tell such lies? Consumption! No +hope! She is dying! It is nonsense, I can't abide him! + +LEBEDIEFF. What makes you think he is lying? + +SHABELSKI. [Gets up and walks up and down] I can't bear to think +that a living person could die like that, suddenly, without any +reason at all. Don't let us talk about it! + +KOSICH runs in panting. + +KOSICH. Is Ivanoff at home? How do you do? [He shakes hands +quickly all round] Is he at home? + +BORKIN. No, he isn't. + +KOSICH. [Sits down and jumps up again] In that case I must say +goodbye; I must be going. Business, you know. I am absolutely +exhausted; run off my feet! + +LEBEDIEFF. Where did you blow in from? + +KOSICH. From Barabanoff's. He and I have been playing cards all +night; we have only just stopped. I have been absolutely fleeced; +that Barabanoff is a demon at cards. [In a tearful voice] Just +listen to this: I had a heart and he [He turns to BORKIN, who +jumps away from him] led a diamond, and I led a heart, and he led +another diamond. Well, he didn't take the trick. [To LEBEDIEFF] +We were playing three in clubs. I had the ace and queen, and the +ace and ten of spades-- + +LEBEDIEFF. [Stopping up his ears] Spare me, for heaven's sake, +spare me! + +KOSICH. [To SHABELSKI] Do you understand? I had the ace and queen +of clubs, the ace and ten of spades + +SHABELSKI. [Pushes him away] Go away, I don't want to listen to +you! + +KOSICH. When suddenly misfortune overtook me. My ace of spades +took the first trick-- + +SHABELSKI. [Snatching up a revolver] Leave the room, or I shall +shoot! + +KOSICH. [Waving his hands] What does this mean? Is this the +Australian bush, where no one has any interests in common? Where +there is no public spirit, and each man lives for himself alone? +However, I must be off. My time is precious. [He shakes hands +with LEBEDIEFF] Pass! + +General laughter. KOSICH goes out. In the doorway he runs into +AVDOTIA. + +AVDOTIA. [Shrieks] Bad luck to you, you nearly knocked me down. + +ALL. Oh, she is always everywhere at once! + +AVDOTIA. So this is where you all are? I have been looking for +you all over the house. Good-day to you, boys! + +[She shakes hands with everybody.] + +LEBEDIEFF. What brings you here? + +AVDOTIA. Business, my son. [To SHABELSKI] Business connected with +your highness. She commanded me to bow. [She bows] And to inquire +after your health. She told me to say, the little birdie, that if +you did not come to see her this evening she would cry her eyes +out. Take him aside, she said, and whisper in his ear. But why +should I make a secret of her message? We are not stealing +chickens, but arranging an affair of lawful love by mutual +consent of both parties. And now, although I never drink, I shall +take a drop under these circumstances. + +LEBEDIEFF. So shall I. [He pours out the vodka] You must be +immortal, you old magpie! You were an old woman when I first knew +you, thirty years ago. + +AVDOTIA. I have lost count of the years. I have buried three +husbands, and would have married a fourth if any one had wanted a +woman without a dowry. I have had eight children. [She takes up +the glass] Well, we have begun a good work, may it come to a good +end! They will live happily ever after, and we shall enjoy their +happiness. Love and good luck to them both! [She drinks] This is +strong vodka! + +SHABELSKI. [laughing loudly, to LEBEDIEFF] The funny thing is, +they actually think I am in earnest. How strange! [He gets up] +And yet, Paul, why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? Just +out of spite? To give the devil something to do, eh, Paul? + +LEBEDIEFF. You are talking nonsense, Count. You and I must fix +our thoughts on dying now; we have left Martha's money far behind +us; our day is over. + +SHABELSKI. No, I shall certainly marry her; upon my word, I +shall! + +Enter IVANOFF and LVOFF. + +LVOFF. Will you please spare me five minutes of your time? + +LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Nicholas! [He goes to meet IVANOFF] How are +you, old friend? I have been waiting an hour for you. + +AVDOTIA. [Bows] How do you do, my son? + +IVANOFF. [Bitterly] So you have turned my library into a bar-room +again, have you? And yet I have begged you all a thousand times +not to do so! [He goes up to the table] There, you see, you have +spilt vodka all over my papers and scattered crumbs and cucumbers +everywhere! It is disgusting! + +LEBEDIEFF. I beg your pardon, Nicholas. Please forgive me. I have +something very important to speak to you about. + +BORKIN. So have I. + +LVOFF. May I have a word with you? + +IVANOFF. [Pointing to LEBEDIEFF] He wants to speak to me; wait a +minute. [To LEBEDIEFF] Well, what is it? + +LEBEDIEFF. [To the others] Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I +want to speak to him in private. + +SHABELSKI goes out, followed by AVDOTIA, BORKIN, and LVOFF. + +IVANOFF. Paul, you may drink yourself as much as you choose, it +is your weakness, but I must ask you not to make my uncle tipsy. +He never used to drink at all; it is bad for him. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Startled] My dear boy, I didn't know that! I wasn't +thinking of him at all. + +IVANOFF. If this old baby should die on my hands the blame would +be mine, not yours. Now, what do you want? [A pause.] + +LEBEDIEFF. The fact is, Nicholas--I really don't know how I can +put it to make it seem less brutal--Nicholas, I am ashamed of +myself, I am blushing, my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. +My dear boy, put yourself in my place; remember that I am not a +free man, I am as putty in the hands of my wife, a slave--forgive +me! + +IVANOFF. What does this mean? + +LEBEDIEFF. My wife has sent me to you; do me a favour, be a +friend to me, pay her the interest on the money you owe her. +Believe me, she has been tormenting me and going for me tooth and +nail. For heaven's sake, free yourself from her clutches! + +IVANOFF. You know, Paul, that I have no money now. + +LEBEDIEFF. I know, I know, but what can I do? She won't wait. If +she should sue you for the money, how could Sasha and I ever look +you in the face again? + +IVANOFF. I am ready to sink through the floor with shame, Paul, +but where, where shall I get the money? Tell me, where? There is +nothing I can do but to wait until I sell my wheat in the autumn. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Shrieks] But she won't wait! [A pause.] + +IVANOFF. Your position is very delicate and unpleasant, but mine +is even worse. [He walks up and down in deep thought] I am at my +wit's end, there is nothing I can sell now. + +LEBEDIEFF. You might go to Mulbach and get some money from him; +doesn't he owe you sixty thousand roubles? + +IVANOFF makes a despairing gesture. + +LEBEDIEFF. Listen to me, Nicholas, I know you will be angry, but +you must forgive an old drunkard like me. This is between +friends; remember I am your friend. We were students together, +both Liberals; we had the same interests and ideals; we studied +together at the University of Moscow. It is our Alma Mater. [He +takes out his purse] I have a private fund here; not a soul at +home knows of its existence. Let me lend it to you. [He takes out +the money and lays it on the table] Forget your pride; this is +between friends! I should take it from you, indeed I should! [A +pause] There is the money, one hundred thousand roubles. Take +it; +go to her y ourself and say: "Take the money, Zinaida, and may +you choke on it." Only, for heaven's sake, don't let her see by +your manner that you got it from me, or she would certainly go +for me, with her old jam! [He looks intently into IVANOFF'S face] +There, there, no matter. [He quickly takes up the money and +stuffs it back into his pocket] Don't take it, I was only joking. +Forgive me! Are you hurt? + +IVANOFF waves his hand. + +LEBEDIEFF. Yes, the truth is-- [He sighs] This is a time of +sorrow and pain for you. A man, brother, is like a samovar; he +cannot always stand coolly on a shelf; hot coals will be dropped +into him some day, and then--fizz! The comparison is idiotic, but +it is the best I can think of. [Sighing] Misfortunes wring the +soul, and yet I am not worried about you, brother. Wheat goes +through the mill, and comes out as flour, and you will come +safely through your troubles; but I am annoyed, Nicholas, and +angry with the people around you. The whole countryside is +buzzing with gossip; where does it all start? They say you will +be soon arrested for your debts, that you are a bloodthirsty +murderer, a monster of cruelty, a robber. + +IVANOFF. All that is nothing to me; my head is aching. + +LEBEDIEFF. Because you think so much. + +IVANOFF. I never think. + +LEBEDIEFF. Come, Nicholas, snap your fingers at the whole thing, +and drive over to visit us. Sasha loves and understands you. She +is a sweet, honest, lovely girl; too good to be the child of her +mother and me! Sometimes, when I look at her, I cannot believe +that such a treasure could belong to a fat old drunkard like me. +Go to her, talk to her, and let her cheer you. She is a good, +true-hearted girl. + +IVANOFF. Paul, my dear friend, please go, and leave me alone. + +LEBEDIEFF. I understand, I understand! [He glances at his watch] +Yes, I understand. [He kisses IVANOFF] Good-bye, I must go to the +blessing of the school now. [He goes as far as the door, then +stops] She is so clever! Sasha and I were talking about gossiping +yesterday, and she flashed out this epigram: "Father," she said, +"fire-flies shine at night so that the night-birds may make them +their prey, and good people are made to be preyed upon by gossips +and slanderers." What do you think of that? She is a genius, +another George Sand! + +IVANOFF. [Stopping him as he goes out] Paul, what is the matter +with me? + +LEBEDIEFF. I have wanted to ask you that myself, but I must +confess I was ashamed to. I don't know, old chap. Sometimes I +think your troubles have been too heavy for you, and yet I know +you are not the kind to give in to them; you would not be +overcome by misfortune. It must be something else, Nicholas, but +what it may be I can't imagine. + +IVANOFF. I can't imagine either what the matter is, unless--and +yet no-- [A pause] Well, do you see, this is what I wanted to +say. I used to have a workman called Simon, you remember him. +Once, at threshing-time, to show the girls how strong he was, he +loaded himself with two sacks of rye, and broke his back. He died +soon after. I think I have broken my back also. First I went to +school, then to the university, then came the cares of this +estate, all my plans--I did not believe what others did; did not +marry as others did; I worked passionately, risked everything; no +one else, as you know, threw their money away to right and left +as I did. So I heaped the burdens on my back, and it broke. We +are all heroes at twenty, ready to attack anything, to do +everything, and at thirty are worn-out, useless men. How, oh, how +do you account for this weariness? However, I may be quite wrong; +go away, Paul, I am boring you. + +LEBEDIEFF. I know what is the matter with you, old man: you got +out of bed on the wrong side this morning. + +IVANOFF. That is stupid, Paul, and stale. Go away! + +LEBEDIEFF. It is stupid, certainly. I see that myself now. I am +going at once. [LEBEDIEFF goes out. + +IVANOFF. [Alone] I am a worthless, miserable, useless man. Only a +man equally miserable and suffering, as Paul is, could love or +esteem me now. Good God! How I loathe myself! How bitterly I hate +my voice, my hands, my thoughts, these clothes, each step I take! +How ridiculous it is, how disgusting! Less than a year ago I was +healthy and strong, full of pride and energy and enthusiasm. I +worked with these hands here, and my words could move the dullest +man to tears. I could weep with sorrow, and grow indignant at the +sight of wrong. I could feel the glow of inspiration, and +understand the beauty and romance of the silent nights which I +used to watch through from evening until dawn, sitting at my +worktable, and giving up my soul to dreams. I believed in a +bright future then, and looked into it as trustfully as a child +looks into its mother's eyes. And now, oh, it is terrible! I am +tired and without hope; I spend my days and nights in idleness; I +have no control over my feet or brain. My estate is ruined, my +woods are falling under the blows of the axe. [He weeps] My +neglected land looks up at me as reproachfully as an orphan. I +expect nothing, am sorry for nothing; my whole soul trembles at +the thought of each new day. And what can I think of my treatment +of Sarah? I promised her love and happiness forever; I opened her +eyes to the promise of a future such as she had never even +dreamed of. She believed me, and though for five years I have +seen her sinking under the weight of her sacrifices to me, and +losing her strength in her struggles with her conscience, God +knows she has never given me one angry look, or uttered one word +of reproach. What is the result? That I don't love her! Why? Is +it possible? Can it be true? I can't understand. She is +suffering; her days are numbered; yet I fly like a contemptible +coward from her white face, her sunken chest, her pleading eyes. +Oh, I am ashamed, ashamed! [A pause] Sasha, a young girl, is +sorry for me in my misery. She confesses to me that she loves me; +me, almost an old man! Whereupon I lose my head, and exalted as +if by music, I yell: "Hurrah for a new life and new happiness!" +Next day I believe in this new life and happiness as little as I +believe in my happiness at home. What is the matter with me? What +is this pit I am wallowing in? What is the cause of this +weakness? What does this nervousness come from? If my sick wife +wounds my pride, if a servant makes a mistake, if my gun misses +fire, I lose my temper and get violent and altogether unlike +myself. I can't, I can't understand it; the easiest way out would +be a bullet through the head! + +Enter LVOFF. + +LVOFF. I must have an explanation with you, Ivanoff. + +IVANOFF. If we are going to have an explanation every day, +doctor, we shall neither of us have the strength to stand it. + +LVOFF. Will you be good enough to hear me? + +IVANOFF. I have heard all you have told me every day, and have +failed to discover yet what you want me to do. + +LVOFF. I have always spoken plainly enough, and only an utterly +heartless and cruel man could fail to understand me. + +IVANOFF. I know that my wife is dying; I know that I have sinned +irreparably; I know that you are an honest man. What more can you +tell me? + +LVOFF. The sight of human cruelty maddens me. The woman is dying +and she has a mother and father whom she loves, and longs to see +once more before she dies. They know that she is dying and that +she loves them still, but with diabolical cruelty, as if to +flaunt their religious zeal, they refuse to see her and forgive +her. You are the man for whom she has sacrificed her home, her +peace of mind, everything. Yet you unblushingly go gadding to the +Lebedieffs' every evening, for reasons that are absolutely +unmistakable! + +IVANOFF. Ah me, it is two weeks since I was there! + +LVOFF. [Not listening to him] To men like yourself one must speak +plainly, and if you don't want to hear what I have to say, you +need not listen. I always call a spade a spade; the truth is, you +want her to die so that the way may be cleared for your other +schemes. Be it so; but can't you wait? If, instead of crushing +the life out of your wife by your heartless egoism, you let her +die naturally, do you think you would lose Sasha and Sasha's +money? Such an absolute Tartuffe as you are could turn the girl's + head and get her money a year from now as easily as you can +to-day. Why are you in such a hurry? Why do you want your wife to +die now, instead of in a month's time, or a year's? + +IVANOFF. This is torture! You are a very bad doctor if you think +a man can control himself forever. It is all I can do not to +answer your insults. + +LVOFF. Look here, whom are you trying to deceive? Throw off this +disguise! + +IVANOFF. You who are so clever, you think that nothing in the +world is easier than to understand me, do you? I married Annie +for her money, did I? And when her parents wouldn't give it to +me, I changed my plans, and am now hustling her out of the world +so that I may marry another woman, who will bring me what I want? +You think so, do you? Oh, how easy and simple it all is! But you +are mistaken, doctor; in each one of us there are too many +springs, too many wheels and cogs for us to judge each other by +first impressions or by two or three external indications. I can +not understand you, you cannot understand me, and neither of us +can understand himself. A man may be a splendid doctor, and at +the same time a very bad judge of human nature; you will admit +that, unless you are too self-confident. + +LVOFF. Do you really think that your character is so mysterious, +and that I am too stupid to tell vice from virtue? + +IVANOFF. It is clear that we shall never agree, so let me beg you +to answer me now without any more preamble: exactly what do you +want me to do? [Angrily] What are you after anyway? And with whom +have I the honour of speaking? With my lawyer, or with my wife's +doctor? + +LVOFF. I am a doctor, and as such I demand that you change your +conduct toward your wife; it is killing her. + +IVANOFF. What shall I do? Tell me! If you understand me so much +better than I understand myself, for heaven's sake tell me +exactly what to do! + +LVOFF. In the first place, don't be so unguarded in your +behaviour. + +IVANOFF. Heaven help me, do you mean to say that you understand +yourself? [He drinks some water] Now go away; I am guilty a +thousand times over; I shall answer for my sins before God; but +nothing has given you the right to torture me daily as you do. + +LVOFF. Who has given you the right to insult my sense of honour? +You have maddened and poisoned my soul. Before I came to this +place I knew that stupid, crazy, deluded people existed, but I +never imagined that any one could be so criminal as to turn his +mind deliberately in the direction of wickedness. I loved and +esteemed humanity then, but since I have known you-- + +IVANOFF. I have heard all that before. + +LVOFF. You have, have you? + +He goes out, shrugging his shoulders. He sees SASHA, who comes in +at this moment dressed for riding. + +LVOFF. Now, however, I hope that we can understand one another! + +IVANOFF. [Startled] Oh, Sasha, is that you? + +SASHA. Yes, it is I. How are you? You didn't expect me, did you? +Why haven't you been to see us? + +IVANOFF. Sasha, this is really imprudent of you! Your coming will +have a terrible effect on my wife! + +SASHA. She won't see me; I came in by the back entrance; I shall +go in a minute. I am so anxious about you. Tell me, are you well? +Why haven't you been to see us for such a long time? + +IVANOFF. My wife is offended already, and almost dying, and now +you come here; Sasha, Sasha, this is thoughtless and unkind of +you. + +SASHA. How could I help coming? It is two weeks since you were at +our house, and you have not answered my letters. I imagined you +suffering dreadfully, or ill, or dead. I have not slept for +nights. I am going now, but first tell me that you are well. + +IVANOFF. No, I am not well. I am a torment to myself, and every +one torments me without end. I can't stand it! And now you come +here. How morbid and unnatural it all is, Sasha. I am terribly +guilty. + +SASHA. What dreadful, pitiful speeches you make! So you are +guilty, are you? Tell me, then, what is it you have done? + +IVANOFF I don't know; I don't know! + +SASHA. That is no answer. Every sinner should know what he is +guilty of. Perhaps you have been forging money? + +IVANOFF. That is stupid. + +SASHA. Or are you guilty because you no longer love your wife? +Perhaps you are, but no one is master of his feelings, and you +did not mean to stop loving her. Do you feel guilty because she +saw me telling you that I love you? No, that cannot be, because +you did not want her to see it-- + +IVANOFF. [Interrupting her] And so on, and so on! First you say I +love, and then you say I don't; that I am not master of my +feelings. All these are commonplace, worn-out sentiments, with +which you cannot help me. + +SASHA. It is impossible to talk to you. [She looks at a picture +on the wall] How well those dogs are drawn! Were they done from +life? + +IVANOFF. Yes, from life. And this whole romance of ours is a +tedious old story; a man loses heart and begins to go down in the +world; a girl appears, brave and strong of heart, and gives him a +hand to help him to rise again. Such situations are pretty, but +they are only found in novels and not in real life. + +SASHA. No, they are found in real life too. + +IVANOFF. Now I see how well you understand real life! My +sufferings seem noble to you; you imagine you have discovered in +me a second Hamlet; but my state of mind in all its phases is +only fit to furnish food for contempt and derision. My +contortions are ridiculous enough to make any one die of +laughter, and you want to play the guardian angel; you want to do +a noble deed and save me. Oh, how I hate myself to-day! I feel +that this tension must soon be relieved in some way. Either I +shall break something, or else-- + +SASHA. That is exactly what you need. Let yourself go! Smash +something; break it to pieces; give a yell! You are angry with +me, it was foolish of me to come here. Very well, then, get +excited about it; storm at me; stamp your feet! Well, aren't you +getting angry? + +IVANOFF. You ridiculous girl! + +SASHA. Splendid! So we are smiling at last! Be kind, do me the +favour of smiling once more! + +IVANOFF. [Laughing] I have noticed that whenever you start +reforming me and saving my soul, and teaching me how to be good, +your face grows naive, oh so naive, and your eyes grow as wide as +if you were looking at a comet. Wait a moment; your shoulder is +covered with dust. [He brushes her shoulder] A naive man is +nothing better than a fool, but you women contrive to be naive in +such a way that in you it seems sweet, and gentle, and proper, +and not as silly as it really is. What a strange way you have, +though, of ignoring a man as long as he is well and happy, and +fastening yourselves to him as soon as he begins to whine and go +down-hill! Do you actually think it is worse to be the wife of a +strong man than to nurse some whimpering invalid? + +SASHA. Yes, it is worse. + +IVANOFF. Why do you think so? [Laughing loudly] It is a good +thing Darwin can't hear what you are saying! He would be furious +with you for degrading the human race. Soon, thanks to your +kindness, only invalids and hypochondriacs will be born into the +world. + +SASHA. There are a great many things a man cannot understand. Any +girl would rather love an unfortunate man than a fortunate one, +because every girl would like to do something by loving. A man +has his work to do, and so for him love is kept in the +background. To talk to his wife, to walk with her in the garden, +to pass the time pleasantly with her, that is all that love means +to a man. But for us, love means life. I love you; that means +that I dream only of how I shall cure you of your sadness, how I +shall go with you to the ends of the earth. If you are in heaven, +I am in heaven; if you are in the pit, I am in the pit. For +instance, it would be the greatest happiness for me to write all +night for you, or to watch all night that no one should wake you. +I remember that three years ago, at threshing time, you came to +us all dusty and sunburnt and tired, and asked for a drink. When +I brought you a glass of water you were already lying on the sofa +and sleeping like a dead man. You slept there for half a day, and +all that time I watched by the door that no one should disturb +you. How happy I was! The more a girl can do, the greater her +love will be; that is, + I mean, the more she feels it + +IVANOFF. The love that accomplishes things--hm--that is a fairy +tale, a girl's dream; and yet, perhaps it is as it should be. [He +shrugs his shoulders] How can I tell? [Gaily] On my honour, +Sasha, I really am quite a respectable man. Judge for yourself: I +have always liked to discuss things, but I have never in my life +said that our women were corrupt, or that such and such a woman +was on the down-hill path. I have always been grateful, and +nothing more. No, nothing more. Dear child, how comical you are! +And what a ridiculous old stupid I am! I shock all good Christian +folk, and go about complaining from morning to night. [He laughs +and then leaves her suddenly] But you must go, Sasha; we have +forgotten ourselves. + +SASHA. Yes, it is time to go. Good-bye. I am afraid that that +honest doctor of yours will have told Anna out of a sense of duty +that I am here. Take my advice: go at once to your wife and stay +with her. Stay, and stay, and stay, and if it should be for a +year, you must still stay, or for ten years. It is your duty. You +must repent, and ask her forgiveness, and weep. That is what you +ought to do, and the great thing is not to forget to do right. + +IVANOFF. Again I feel as if I were going crazy; again! + +SASHA. Well, heaven help you! You must forget me entirely. In two +weeks you must send me a line and I shall be content with that. +But I shall write to you-- + +BORKIN looks in at the door. + +BORKIN. Ivanoff, may I come in? [He sees SASHA] I beg your +pardon, I did not see you. Bonjour! [He bows.] + +SASHA. [Embarrassed] How do you do? + +BORKIN. You are plumper and prettier than ever. + +SASHA. [To IVANOFF] I must go, Nicholas, I must go. [She goes +out.] + +BORKIN. What a beautiful apparition! I came expecting prose and +found poetry instead. [Sings] + +"You showed yourself to the world as a bird---" + +IVANOFF walks excitedly up and down. + +BORKIN. [Sits down] There is something in her, Nicholas, that one +doesn't find in other women, isn't there? An elfin strangeness. +[He sighs] Although she is without doubt the richest girl in the +country, her mother is so stingy that no one will have her. After +her mother's death Sasha will have the whole fortune, but until +then she will only give her ten thousand roubles and an old +flat-iron, and to get that she will have to humble herself to the +ground. [He feels in his pockets] Will you have a smoke? [He +offers IVANOFF his cigarette case] These are very good. + +IVANOFF. [Comes toward BORKIN stifled with rage] Leave my house +this instant, and don't you ever dare to set foot in it again! Go +this instant! + +BORKIN gets up and drops his cigarette. + +IVANOFF. Go at once! + +BORKIN. Nicholas, what do you mean? Why are you so angry? + +IVANOFF. Why! Where did you get those cigarettes? Where? You +think perhaps that I don't know where you take the old man every +day, and for what purpose? + +BORKIN. [Shrugs his shoulders] What business is it of yours? + +IVANOFF. You blackguard, you! The disgraceful rumours that you +have been spreading about me have made me disreputable in the +eyes of the whole countryside. You and I have nothing in common, +and I ask you to leave my house this instant. + +BORKIN. I know that you are saying all this in a moment of +irritation, and so I am not angry with you. Insult me as much as +you please. [He picks up his cigarette] It is time though, to +shake off this melancholy of yours; you're not a schoolboy. + +IVANOFF. What did I tell you? [Shuddering] Are you making fun of +me? + +Enter ANNA. + +BORKIN. There now, there comes Anna! I shall go. + +IVANOFF stops near the table and stands with his head bowed. + +ANNA. [After a pause] What did she come here for? What did she +come here for, I ask you? + +IVANOFF. Don't ask me, Annie. [A pause] I am terribly guilty. +Think of any punishment you want to inflict on me; I can stand +anything, but don't, oh, don't ask questions! + +ANNA. [Angrily] So that is the sort of man you are? Now I +understand you, and can see how degraded, how dishonourable you +are! Do you remember that you came to me once and lied to me +about your love? I believed you, and left my mother, my father, +and my faith to follow you. Yes, you lied to me of goodness and +honour, of your noble aspirations and I believed every word--- + +IVANOFF. I have never lied to you, Annie. + +ANNA. I have lived with you five years now, and I am tired and +ill, but I have always loved you and have never left you for a +moment. You have been my idol, and what have you done? All this +time you have been deceiving me in the most dastardly way--- + +IVANOFF. Annie, don't say what isn't so. I have made mistakes, +but I have never told a lie in my life. You dare not accuse me of +that! + +ANNA. It is all clear to me now. You married me because you +expected my mother and father to forgive me and give you my +money; that is what you expected. + +IVANOFF. Good Lord, Annie! If I must suffer like this, I must +have the patience to bear it. [He begins to weep.] + +ANNA. Be quiet! When you found that I wasn't bringing you any +money, you tried another game. Now I remember and understand +everything. [She begins to cry] You have never loved me or been +faithful to me--never! + +IVANOFF. Sarah! That is a lie! Say what you want, but don't +insult me with a lie! + +ANNA. You dishonest, degraded man! You owe money to Lebedieff, +and now, to escape paying your debts, you are trying to turn the +head of his daughter and betray her as you have betrayed me. Can +you deny it? + +IVANOFF. [Stifled with rage] For heaven's sake, be quiet! I can't +answer for what I may do! I am choking with rage and I--I might +insult you! + +ANNA. I am not the only one whom you have basely deceived. You +have always blamed Borkin for all your dishonest tricks, but now +I know whose they are. + +IVANOFF. Sarah, stop at once and go away, or else I shall say +something terrible. I long to say a dreadful, cruel thing [He +shrieks] Hold your tongue, Jewess! + +ANNA. I won't hold my tongue! You have deceived me too long for +me to be silent now. + +IVANOFF. So you won't be quiet? [He struggles with himself] Go, +for heaven's sake! + +ANNA. Go now, and betray Sasha! + +IVANOFF. Know then that you--are dying! The doctor told me that +you are dying. + +ANNA. [Sits down and speaks in a low voice] When did he + +IVANOFF. [Clutches his head with both hands] Oh, how guilty I +am--how guilty! [He sobs.] + +The curtain falls. + +About a year passes between the third and fourth acts. + +ACT IV + +A sitting-room in LEBEDIEFF'S house. In the middle of the wall at +the back of the room is an arch dividing the sitting-room from +the ballroom. To the right and left are doors. Some old bronzes +are placed about the room; family portraits are hanging on the +walls. Everything is arranged as if for some festivity. On the +piano lies a violin; near it stands a violoncello. During the +entire act guests, dressed as for a ball, are seen walking about +in the ball-room. + +Enter LVOFF, looking at his watch. + +LVOFF. It is five o'clock. The ceremony must have begun. First +the priest will bless them, and then they will be led to the +church to be married. Is this how virtue and justice triumph? Not +being able to rob Sarah, he has tortured her to death; and now he +has found another victim whom he will deceive until he has robbed +her, and then he will get rid of her as he got rid of poor Sarah. +It is the same old sordid story. [A pause] He will live to a fine +old age in the seventh heaven of happiness, and will die with a +clear conscience. No, Ivanoff, it shall not be! I shall drag your +villainy to light! And when I tear off that accursed mask of +yours and show you to the world as the blackguard you are, you +shall come plunging down headfirst from your seventh heaven, into +a pit so deep that the devil himself will not be able to drag you +out of it! I am a man of honour; it is my duty to interfere in +such cases as yours, and to open the eyes of the blind. I shall +fulfil my mission, and to-morrow will find me far away from this +accursed place. [Thoughtfully] But what shall I do? To have an +explanation with Lebedieff would be a hopeless task. Shall I make +a scandal, and challenge Ivanoff to a duel? I am as excited as a +child, and have entirely lost th e power of planning anything. +What shall I do? Shall I fight a duel? + +Enter KOSICH. He goes gaily up to LVOFF. + +KOSICH. I declared a little slam in clubs yesterday, and made a +grand slam! Only that man Barabanoff spoilt the whole game for me +again. We were playing--well, I said "No trumps" and he said +"Pass." "Two in clubs," he passed again. I made it two in hearts. +He said "Three in clubs," and just imagine, can you, what +happened? I declared a little slam and he never showed his ace! +If he had showed his ace, the villain, I should have declared a +grand slam in no trumps! + +LVOFF. Excuse me, I don't play cards, and so it is impossible for +me to share your enthusiasm. When does the ceremony begin? + +KOSICH. At once, I think. They are now bringing Zuzu to herself +again. She is bellowing like a bull; she can't bear to see the +money go. + +LVOFF. And what about the daughter? + +KOSICH. No, it is the money. She doesn't like this affair anyway. +He is marrying her daughter, and that means he won't pay his +debts for a long time. One can't sue one's son-in-law. + +MARTHA, very much dressed up, struts across the stage past LVOFF +and KOSICH. The latter bursts out laughing behind his hand. +MARTHA looks around. + +MARTHA. Idiot! + +KOSICH digs her in the ribs and laughs loudly. + +MARTHA. Boor! + +KOSICH. [Laughing] The woman's head has been turned. Before she +fixed her eye on a title she was like any other woman, but there +is no coming near her now! [Angrily] A boor, indeed! + +LVOFF. [Excitedly] Listen to me; tell me honestly, what do you +think of Ivanoff? + +KOSICH. He's no good at all. He plays cards like a lunatic. This +is what happened last year during Lent: I, the Count, Borkin and +he, sat down to a game of cards. I led a--- + +LVOFF [Interrupting him] Is he a good man? + +KOSICH. He? Yes, he's a good one! He and the Count are a pair of +trumps. They have keen noses for a good game. First, Ivanoff set +his heart on the Jewess, then, when his schemes failed in that +quarter, he turned his thoughts toward Zuzu's money-bags. I'll +wager you he'll ruin Zuzu in a year. He will ruin Zuzu, and the +Count will ruin Martha. They will gather up all the money they +can lay hands on, and live happily ever after! But, doctor, why +are you so pale to-day? You look like a ghost. + +LVOFF. Oh, it's nothing. I drank a little too much yesterday. + +Enter LEBEDIEFF with SASHA. + +LEBEDIEFF. We can have our talk here. [To LVOFF and KOSICH] Go +into the ball-room, you two old fogies, and talk to the girls. +Sasha and I want to talk alone here. + +KOSICH. [Snapping his fingers enthusiastically as he goes by +SASHA] What a picture! A queen of trumps! + +LEBEDIEFF. Go along, you old cave-dweller; go along. + +KOSICH and LVOFF go out. + +LEBEDIEFF. Sit down, Sasha, there-- [He sits down and looks about +him] Listen to me attentively and with proper respect. The fact +is, your mother has asked me to say this, do you understand? I am +not speaking for myself. Your mother told me to speak to you. + +SASHA. Papa, do say it briefly! + +LEBEDIEFF. When you are married we mean to give you fifteen +thousand roubles. Please don't let us have any discussion about +it afterward. Wait, now! Be quiet! That is only the beginning. +The best is yet to come. We have allotted you fifteen thousand +roubles, but in consideration of the fact that Nicholas owes your +mother nine thousand, that sum will have to be deducted from the +amount we mean to give you. Very well. Now, beside that--- + +SASHA. Why do you tell me all this? + +LEBEDIEFF. Your mother told me to. + +SASHA. Leave me in peace! If you had any respect for yourself or +me you could not permit yourself to speak to me in this way. I +don't want your money! I have not asked for it, and never shall. + +LEBEDIEFF. What are you attacking me for? The two rats in Gogol's +fable sniffed first and then ran away, but you attack without +even sniffing. + +SASHA. Leave me in peace, and do not offend my ears with your +two-penny calculations. + +LEBEDIEFF. [Losing his temper] Bah! You all, every one of you, do +all you can to make me cut my throat or kill somebody. One of you +screeches and fusses all day and counts every penny, and the +other is so clever and humane and emancipated that she cannot +understand her own father! I offend your ears, do I? Don't you +realise that before I came here to offend your ears I was being +torn to pieces over there, [He points to the door] literally +drawn and quartered? So you cannot understand? You two have +addled my brain till I am utterly at my wits' end; indeed I am! +[He goes toward the door, and stops] I don't like this business +at all; I don't like any thing about you-- + +SASHA. What is it, especially, that you don't like? + +LEBEDIEFF. Everything, everything! + +SASHA. What do you mean by everything? + +LEBEDIEFF. Let me explain exactly what I mean. Everything +displeases me. As for your marriage, I simply can't abide it. [He +goes up to SASHA and speaks caressingly] Forgive me, little +Sasha, this marriage may be a wise one; it may be honest and not +misguided, nevertheless, there is something about the whole +affair that is not right; no, not right! You are not marrying as +other girls do; you are young and fresh and pure as a drop of +water, and he is a widower, battered and worn. Heaven help him. I +don't understand him at all. [He kisses his daughter] Forgive me +for saying so, Sasha, but I am sure there is something crooked +about this affair; it is making a great deal of talk. It seems +people are saying that first Sarah died, and then suddenly +Ivanoff wanted to marry you. [Quickly] But, no, I am like an old +woman; I am gossiping like a magpie. You must not listen to me or +any one, only to your own heart. + +SASHA. Papa, I feel myself that there is something wrong about my +marriage. Something wrong, yes, wrong! Oh, if you only knew how +heavy my heart is; this is unbearable! I am frightened and +ashamed to confess this; Papa darling, you must help me, for +heaven's sake. Oh, can't you tell me what I should do? + +LEBEDIEFF. What is the matter, Sasha, what is it? + +SASHA. I am so frightened, more frightened than I have ever been +before. [She glances around her] I cannot understand him now, and +I never shall. He has not smiled or looked straight into my eyes +once since we have been engaged. He is forever complaining and +apologising for something; hinting at some crime he is guilty of, +and trembling. I am so tired! There are even moments when I +think--I think--that I do not love him as I should, and when he +comes to see us, or talks to me, I get so tired! What does it +mean, dear father? I am afraid. + +LEBEDIEFF. My darling, my only child, do as your old father +advises you; give him up! + +SASHA. [Frightened] Oh! How can you say that? + +LEBEDIEFF. Yes, do it, little Sasha! It will make a scandal, all +the tongues in the country will be wagging about it, but it is +better to live down a scandal than to ruin one's life. + +SASHA. Don't say that, father. Oh, don't. I refuse to listen! I +must crush such gloomy thoughts. He is good and unhappy and +misunderstood. I shall love him and learn to understand him. I +shall set him on his feet again. I shall do my duty. That is +settled. + +LEBEDIEFF. This is not your duty, but a delusion-- + +SASHA. We have said enough. I have confessed things to you that I +have not dared to admit even to myself. Don't speak about this to +any one. Let us forget it. + +LEBEDIEFF. I am hopelessly puzzled, and either my mind is going +from old age or else you have all grown very clever, but I'll be +hanged if I understand this business at all. + +Enter SHABELSKI. + +SHABELSKI. Confound you all and myself, too! This is maddening! + +LEBEDIEFF. What do you want? + +SHABELSKI Seriously, I must really do something horrid and +rascally, so that not only I but everybody else will be disgusted +by it. I certainly shall find something to do, upon my word I +shall! I have already told Borkin to announce that I am to be +married. [He laughs] Everybody is a scoundrel and I must be one +too! + +LEBEDIEFF. I am tired of you, Matthew. Look here, man you talk in +such a way that, excuse my saying so, you will soon find yourself +in a lunatic asylum! + +SHABELSKI. Could a lunatic asylum possibly be worse than this +house, or any othe r? Kindly take me there at once. Please do! +Everybody is wicked and futile and worthless and stupid; I am an +object of disgust to myself, I don't believe a word I say---- + +LEBEDIEFF. Let me give you a piece of advice, old man; fill your +mouth full of tow, light it, and blow at everybody. Or, better +still, take your hat and go home. This is a wedding, we all want +to enjoy ourselves and you are croaking like a raven. Yes, +really. + +SHABELSKI leans on the piano and begins to sob. + +LEBEDIEFF. Good gracious, Matthew, Count! What is it, dear +Matthew, old friend? Have I offended you? There, forgive me; I +didn't mean to hurt you. Come, drink some water. + +SHABELSKI. I don't want any water. [Raises his head.] + +LEBEDIEFF. What are you crying about? + +SHABELSKI. Nothing in particular; I was just crying. + +LEBEDIEFF. Matthew, tell me the truth, what is it? What has +happened? + +SHABELSKI. I caught sight of that violoncello, and--and--I +remembered the Jewess. + +LEBEDIEFF. What an unfortunate moment you have chosen to remember +her. Peace be with her! But don't think of her now. + +SHABELSKI. We used to play duets together. She was a beautiful, a +glorious woman. + +SASHA sobs. + +LEBEDIEFF. What, are you crying too? Stop, Sasha! Dear me, they +are both howling now, and I--and I-- Do go away; the guests will +see you! + +SHABELSKI. Paul, when the sun is shining, it is gay even in a +cemetery. One can be cheerful even in old age if it is lighted by +hope; but I have nothing to hope for--not a thing! + +LEBEDIEFF. Yes, it is rather sad for you. You have no children, +no money, no occupation. Well, but what is there to be done about +it? [To SASHA] What is the matter with you, Sasha? + +SHABELSKI. Paul, give me some money. I will repay you in the next +world. I would go to Paris and see my wife's grave. I have given +away a great deal of money in my life, half my fortune indeed, +and I have a right to ask for some now. Besides, I am asking a +friend + +LEBEDIEFF. [Embarrassed] My dear boy, I haven't a penny. All +right though. That is to say, I can't promise anything, but you +understand--very well, very well. [Aside] This is agony! + +Enter MARTHA. + +MARTHA. Where is my partner? Count, how dare you leave me alone? +You are horrid! [She taps SHABELSKI on the arm with her fan] + +SHABELSKI. [Impatiently] Leave me alone! I can't abide you! + +MARTHA. [Frightened] How? What? + +SHABELSKI. Go away! + +MARTHA. [Sinks into an arm-chair] Oh! Oh! Oh! [She bursts into +tears.] + +Enter ZINAIDA crying. + +ZINAIDA. Some one has just arrived; it must be one of the ushers. +It is time for the ceremony to begin. + +SASHA. [Imploringly] Mother! + +LEBEDIEFF. Well, now you are all bawling. What a quartette! Come, +come, don't let us have any more of this dampness! Matthew! +Martha! If you go on like this, I--I--shall cry too. [Bursts into +tears] Heavens! + +ZINAIDA. If you don't need your mother any more, if you are +determined not to obey her, I shall have to do as you want, and +you have my blessing. + +Enter IVANOFF, dressed in a long coat, with gloves on. + +LEBEDIEFF This is the finishing touch! What do you want? + +SHABELSKI. Why are you here? + +IVANOFF. I beg your pardon, you must allow me to speak to Sasha +alone. + +LEBEDIEFF. The bridegroom must not come to see the bride before +the wedding. It is time for you to go to the church. + +IVANOFF. Paul, I implore you. + +LEBEDIEFF shrugs his shoulders. LEBEDIEFF, ZINAIDA, SHABELSKI, +and MARTHA go out. + +SASHA. [Sternly] What do you want? + +IVANOFF. I am choking with anger; I cannot speak calmly. Listen +to me; as I was dressing just now for the wedding, I looked in +the glass and saw how grey my temples were. Sasha, this must not +be! Let us end this senseless comedy before it is too late. You +are young and pure; you have all your life before you, but I--- + +SASHA. The same old story; I have heard it a thousand times and I +am tired of it. Go quickly to the church and don't keep everybody +waiting! + +IVANOFF. I shall go straight home, and you must explain to your +family somehow that there is to be no wedding. Explain it as you +please. It is time we came to our senses. I have been playing the +part of Hamlet and you have been playing the part of a noble and +devoted girl. We have kept up the farce long enough. + +SASHA. [Losing her temper] How can you speak to me like this? I +won't have it. + +IVANOFF. But I am speaking, and will continue to speak. + +SASHA. What do you mean by coming to me like this? Your +melancholy has become absolutely ridiculous! + +IVANOFF. No, this is not melancholy. It is ridiculous, is it? +Yes, I am laughing, and if it were possible for me to laugh at +myself a thousand times more bitterly I should do so and set the +whole world laughing, too, in derision. A fierce light has +suddenly broken over my soul; as I looked into the glass just +now, I laughed at myself, and nearly went mad with shame. [He +laughs] Melancholy indeed! Noble grief! Uncontrollable sorrow! It +only remains for me now to begin to write verses! Shall I mope +and complain, sadden everybody I meet, confess that my manhood +has gone forever, that I have decayed, outlived my purpose, that +I have given myself up to cowardice and am bound hand and foot by +this loathsome melancholy? Shall I confess all this when the sun +is shining so brightly and when even the ants are carrying their +little burdens in peaceful self-content? No, thanks. Can I endure +the knowledge that one will look upon me as a fraud, while +another pities me, a third lends me a helping hand, or worst of +all, a fourth listens reverently to my sighs, looks upon me as a +new Mahomet, and expects me to expound a new religion every +moment? No, thank God for the pride and conscience he has left me +still. On my way here I laughed at myself, and it seemed to me +that the flowers and birds were laughing mockingly too. + +SASHA. This is not anger, but madness! + +IVANOFF. You think so, do you? No, I am not mad. I see things in +their right light now, and my mind is as clear as your +conscience. We love each other, but we shall never be married. It +makes no difference how I rave and grow bitter by myself, but I +have no right to drag another down with me. My melancholy robbed +my wife of the last year of her life. Since you have been engaged +to me you have forgotten how to laugh and have aged five years. +Your father, to whom life was always simple and clear, thanks to +me, is now unable to understand anybody. Wherever I go, whether +hunting or visiting, it makes no difference, I carry depression, +dulness, and discontent along with me. Wait! Don't interrupt me! +I am bitter and harsh, I know, but I am stifled with rage. I +cannot speak otherwise. I have never lied, and I never used to +find fault with my lot, but since I have begun to complain of +everything, I find fault with it involuntarily, and against my +will. When I murmur at my fate every one who hears me is seized +with the same disgust of life and begins to grumble too. And what +a strange way I have of looking at things! Exactly as if I were +doing the world a favour by living in it. Oh, I am contemptible. + +SASHA. Wait a moment. From what you have just said, it is obvious +that you are tired of your melancholy mood, and that the time has +come for you to begin life afresh. How splendid! + +IVANOFF. I don't see anything splendid about it. How can I lead a +new life? I am lost forever. It is time we both understood that. +A new life indeed! + +SASHA. Nicholas, come to your senses. How can you say you are +lost? What do you mean by such cynicism? No, I won't listen to +you or talk with you. Go to the church! + +IVANOFF. I am lost! + +SASHA. Don't talk so loud; our guests will hear you! + +IVANOFF. If an intelligent, educated, and healthy man begins to +complain of his lot and go down-hill, there is nothing for him to +do but to go on down until he reaches the bottom--there is no +hope for him. Where could my salvation come from? How can I save +myself? I cannot drink, because it makes my head ache. I never +could write bad poetry. I cannot pray for strength and see +anything lofty in the languor of my soul. Laziness is laziness +and weakness weakness. I can find no other names for them. I am +lost, I am lost; there is no doubt of that. [Looking around] Some +one might come in; listen, Sasha, if you love me you must help +me. Renounce me this minute; quickly! + +SASHA. Oh, Nicholas! If you only knew how you are torturing me; +what agony I have to endure for your sake! Good thoughtful +friend, judge for yourself; can I possibly solve such a problem? +Each day you put some horrible problem before me, each one more +difficult than the last. I wanted to help you with my love, but +this is martyrdom! + +IVANOFF. And when you are my wife the problems will be harder +than ever. Understand this: it is not love that is urging you to +take this step, but the obstinacy of an honest nature. You have +undertaken to reawaken the man in me and to save me in the face +of every difficulty, and you are flattered by the hope of +achieving your object. You are willing to give up now, but you +are prevented from doing it by a feeling that is a false one. +Understand yourself! + +SASHA. What strange, wild reasoning! How can I give you up now? +How can I? You have no mother, or sister, or friends. You are +ruined; your estate has been destroyed; every one is speaking ill +of you-- + +IVANOFF. It was foolish of me to come here; I should have done as +I wanted to-- + +Enter LEBEDIEFF. + +SASHA. [Running to her father] Father! He has rushed over here +like a madman, and is torturing me! He insists that I should +refuse to marry him; he says he doesn't want to drag me down with +him. Tell him that I won't accept his generosity. I know what I +am doing! + +LEBEDIEFF. I can't understand a word of what you are saying. What +generosity? + +IVANOFF. This marriage is not going to take place. + +SASHA. It is going to take place. Papa, tell him that it is going +to take place. + +LEBEDIEFF. Wait! Wait! What objection have you to the marriage? + +IVANOFF. I have explained it all to her, but she refuses to +understand me. + +LEBEDIEFF. Don't explain it to her, but to me, and explain it so +that I may understand. God forgive you, Nicholas, you have +brought a great deal of darkness into our lives. I feel as if I +were living in a museum; I look about me and don't understand +anything I see. This is torture. What on earth can an old man +like me do with you? Shall I challenge you to a duel? + +IVANOFF. There is no need of a duel. All you need is a head on +your shoulders and a knowledge of the Russian language. + +SASHA. [Walks up and down in great excitement] This is dreadful, +dreadful! Absolutely childish. + +LEBEDIEFF. Listen to me, Nicholas; from your point of view what +you are doing is quite right and proper, according to the rules +of psychology, but I think this affair is a scandal and a great +misfortune. I am an old man; hear me out for the last time. This +is what I want to say to you: calm yourself; look at things +simply, as every one else does; this is a simple world. The +ceiling is white; your boots are black; sugar is sweet. You love +Sasha and she loves you. If you love her, stay with her; if you +don't, leave her. We shan't blame you. It is all perfectly +simple. You are two healthy, intelligent, moral young people; +thank God, you both have food and clothing--what more do you +want? What if you have no money? That is no great +misfortune--happiness is not bought with wealth. Of course your +estate is mortgaged, Nicholas, as I know, and you have no money +to pay the interest on the debt, but I am Sasha's father. I +understand. Her mother can do as she likes--if she won't give any +money, why, confound her, then she needn't, that's all! Sasha has +just said that she does not want her part of it. As for your +principles, Schopenhauer and all that, it is all folly. I have +one hundred thousand roubles in the bank. [Looking around him] +Not a soul in the house knows it; it was my grandmother's money. +That shall be for you both. Take it, give Matthew two thousand-- + +[The guests begin to collect in the ball-room]. + +IVANOFF. It is no use discussing it any more, I must act as my +conscience bids me. + +SASHA. And I shall act as my conscience bids me--you may say what +you please; I refuse to let you go! I am going to call my mother. + +LEBEDIEFF. I am utterly puzzled. + +IVANOFF. Listen to me, poor old friend. I shall not try to +explain myself to you. I shall not tell you whether I am honest +or a rascal, healthy or mad; you wouldn't understand me. I was +young once; I have been eager and sincere and intelligent. I have +loved and hated and believed as no one else has. I have worked +and hoped and tilted against windmills with the strength of +ten--not sparing my strength, not knowing what life was. I +shouldered a load that broke my back. I drank, I worked, I +excited myself, my energy knew no bounds. Tell me, could I have +done otherwise? There are so few of us and so much to do, so much +to do! And see how cruelly fate has revenged herself on me, who +fought with her so bravely! I am a broken man. I am old at +thirty. I have submitted myself to old age. With a heavy head and +a sluggish mind, weary, used up, discouraged, without faith or +love or an object in life, I wander like a shadow among other +men, not knowing why I am alive or what it is that I want. Love +seems to me to be folly, caresses false. I see no sense in +working or playing, and all passionate speeches seem insipid and +tiresome. So I carry my sadness with me wherever I go; a cold +weariness, a discontent, a horror of life. Yes, I am lost for +ever and ever. Before you stands a man who at thirty-five is +disillusioned, wearied by fruitless efforts, burning with shame, +and mocking at his own weakness. Oh, how my pride rebels against +it all! What mad fury chokes me! [He staggers] I am +staggering--my strength is failing me. Where is Matthew? Let him +take me home. + +[Voices from the ball-room] The best man has arrived! + +Enter SHABELSKI. + +SHABELSKI. In an old worn-out coat--without gloves! How many +scornful glances I get for it! Such silly jokes and vulgar grins! +Disgusting people. + +Enter BORKIN quickly. He is carrying a bunch of flowers and is in +a dress-coat. He wears a flower in his buttonhole. + +BORKIN. This is dreadful! Where is he? [To IVANOFF] They have +been waiting for you for a long time in the church, and here you +are talking philosophy! What a funny chap you are. Don't you know +you must not go to church with the bride, but alone, with me? I +shall then come back for her. Is it possible you have not +understood that? You certainly are an extraordinary man! + +Enter LVOFF. + +LVOFF. [To IVANOFF] Ah! So you are here? [Loudly] Nicholas +Ivanoff, I denounce you to the world as a scoundrel! + +IVANOFF. [Coldly] Many thanks! + +BORKIN. [To LVOFF] Sir, this is dastardly! I challenge you to a +duel! + +LVOFF. Monsieur Borkin, I count it a disgrace not only to fight +with you, but even to talk to you! Monsieur Ivanoff, however, can +receive satisfaction from me whenever he chooses! + +SHABELSKI. Sir, I shall fight you! + +SASHA. [To LVOFF] Why, oh why, have you insulted him? Gentlemen, +I beg you, let him tell me why he has insulted him. + +LVOFF. Miss Sasha, I have not insulted him without cause. I came +here as a man of honour, to open your eyes, and I beg you to +listen to what I have to tell you. + +SASHA. What can you possibly have to tell me? That you are a man +of honour? The whole world knows it. You had better tell me on +your honour whether you understand what you have done or not. You +have come in here as a man of honour and have insulted him so +terribly that you have nearly killed me. When you used to follow +him like a shadow and almost keep him from living, you were +convinced that you were doing your duty and that you were acting +like a man of honour. When you interfered in his private affairs, +maligned him and criticised him; when you sent me and whomever +else you could, anonymous letters, you imagined yourself to be an +honourable man! And, thinking that that too was honourable, you, +a doctor, did not even spare his dying wife or give her a +moment's peace from your suspicions. And no matter what violence, +what cruel wrong you committed, you still imagined yourself to be +an unusually honourable and clear-sighted man. + +IVANOFF. [Laughing] This is not a wedding, but a parliament! +Bravo! Bravo! + +SASHA. [To LVOFF] Now, think it over! Do you see what sort of a +man you are, or not? Oh, + the stupid, heartless people! [Takes IVANOFF by the hand] Come +away from here Nicholas! Come, father, let us go! + +IVANOFF. Where shall we go? Wait a moment. I shall soon put an +end to the whole thing. My youth is awake in me again; the former +Ivanoff is here once more. + +[He takes out a revolver.] + +SASHA. [Shrieking] I know what he wants to do! Nicholas, for +God's sake! + +IVANOFF. I have been slipping down-hill long enough. Now, halt! +It is time to know what honour is. Out of the way! Thank you, +Sasha! + +SASHA. [Shrieking] Nicholas! For God's sake hold him! + +IVANOFF. Let go! [He rushes aside, and shoots himself.] + +The curtain falls. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Ivanoff, by Anton Checkov + |