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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Chequers, by James Runciman
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Chequers
+       Being the Natural History of a Public-House, Set Forth in
+       a Loafer's Diary
+
+Author: James Runciman
+
+Release Date: June 5, 2006 [EBook #18510]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CHEQUERS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Steven Gibbs, LN Yaddanapudi and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE CHEQUERS:
+BEING THE
+
+Natural History of a Public-house,
+
+SET FORTH IN
+
+_A LOAFER'S DIARY_.
+
+
+EDITED BY
+
+JAMES RUNCIMAN,
+AUTHOR OF "SKIPPERS AND SHELLBACKS," ETC.
+
+
+London:
+WARD AND DOWNEY,
+12, YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN, W.C.
+
+
+[ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.]
+
+
+
+
+Dedication.
+
+
+TO
+PHILIP WOOD AND JOHN WOOD,
+OF
+SOUTH SHIELDS.
+
+GENTLEMEN,--This record of ruined lives is inscribed to you, for it is
+mainly owing to you that I have gained such gruesome experience. From
+the day when, as a boy of seventeen, I formed my connection with your
+honourable house, I have owed my professional success to your culture,
+your generosity, and your admirable relations with the police force. My
+Sovereign and many other people have been pleased to approve my strange
+labours; but my chief distinction in life arises from my being your
+relative. With feelings which I cannot describe,
+
+I remain,
+
+Your obliged and grateful,
+
+JAMES RUNCIMAN.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+                                      PAGE
+INTRODUCTION                          1
+THE WANDERER                          6
+THE PINK TOM CAT                      23
+TEDDY                                 46
+THE WANDERER AGAIN                    64
+THE ROBBERY                           77
+ONE OF OUR ENTERTAINMENTS             92
+MERRY JERRY AND HIS FRIENDS           108
+THE GENTLEMAN, THE DOCTOR, AND DICKY  123
+POACHERS AND NIGHTBIRDS               140
+JIM BILLINGS                          155
+OUR PARLOUR COMPANY                   175
+A QUEER CHRISTMAS                     192
+JACK BROWN                            215
+
+
+
+
+THE CHEQUERS.
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+It is risky to go home with some of the company from the Chequers, for
+good-fellowship is by no means fostered in the atmosphere of a
+public-house. The creatures who write about the cheerful glass, and the
+jovial evening, and the drink that mellows the heart, know nothing of
+the sad work that goes on in a boozing-place, while the persons who draw
+wild pictures of impossible horrors are worse than the hired men who
+write in publican's papers. It is the plain truth that is wanted, and
+one year of life in a public-house teaches a man more than all the
+strained lectures and colourless statistics. I am going to give a series
+of pictures that will set forth every phase of public-house life. It is
+useless to step casually into a bar, and then turn out a flashy
+article. If you want to know how Drink really acts on the inner life of
+this nation you must actually live among the forlorn folk who drink
+Circe's draught, and you must live as their equal, their friend, their
+confidant. I am a Loafer, and not one of the gang at The Chequers would
+ever dream of regarding me as anything but an equal. My friend Donkey
+Perkins, the fighting man, curses me with perfect affability and I am on
+easy terms with about one hundred costermongers. If a "gentleman" went
+among them he could learn nothing. Observe the hush that falls on the
+babble of a tap-room if any well-dressed person goes in; listen to the
+hum of warning, and then notice the laboured hypocrisy of the talk that
+goes on so long as the stranger is there. I have seen that odd change
+scores of times, and I know that nothing can be more curious than the
+contrast between the scrappy, harmless chat that goes on while the
+representative of respectability is there, and the stupid, frank
+brutalities which the advent of the visitor silenced.
+
+At nights I go home with one after another of my set, and at merry
+seasons we stay together till early morning. They throw off all disguise
+before me, and even the thieves are not afraid. When once you are on
+level terms with the community you begin to see what is the true result
+of drink. The clergyman, the district visitor, the professional
+slummer--all the people who "patronise"--never learn the truth, and they
+positively invite the wastrel classes to lie.
+
+Some time ago I read some "revelations" which made a great stir in the
+country. The writer was accused of publishing obscenities, but what
+struck me most in his work was its absolute display of ignorance. The
+poor, innocent man had listened to stories which were told in the
+dialect that is used to impress outsiders, and I laughed as I seemed to
+hear the very tones of some shady gentry of my own acquaintance. The
+unhappy vendor of revelations went among his subjects of study for six
+weeks, and then set up as an authority. Of course, the acute, sleazy
+dogs whom he questioned kept back everything that was essential, and
+filled their victim's mind with concoctions which amused professional
+blackguards for a month. Could that literary adventurer only have heard
+the criticism which daily met my ear, he would have found that many
+eager souls were longing for a chance to plunder such an obvious "mug."
+Another writer, whose works appear in a morning journal, professes to
+make flying visits to various queer places, and his articles are
+published as facts; but I had the chance of testing the truth of two
+tales which dealt with official business, and I found that these two
+were false from end to end. Not only were they false, but they
+illustrate nothing, for the writer did not know the conditions of the
+life which he pretended to describe, and his fiction misled many
+thousands. Experience, then--sordid, miserable, long experience--is
+needed before anyone can speak the truth concerning the life of what
+Carlyle called "the scoundrel classes." The same experience only can
+teach you anything about the poor. The scoundrels do not actually
+confide in anybody, and I never yet knew one of them who would not turn
+on a confederate; but they exhibit themselves freely before people to
+whom they have become used. It unfortunately happens that the
+scoundrels and the dissolute poor are much thrown together. A man may
+be a hopeless drunkard without being a rascal, but the rascals and the
+boozers are generally taken in the lump by persons of a descriptive turn
+of mind. That is faulty natural history. The chances are always ten to
+one in favour of the boozer's becoming a criminal; but we must
+distinguish between those who have taken the last bad step and those who
+are merely qualifying. And now for our history.
+
+
+
+
+THE WANDERER.
+
+
+The bar was very much crowded last night, and the air was impregnated to
+choking point with smoke and evil exhalations. The noisy times on
+Saturdays come at 2 p.m., and from ten till closing time. In the
+afternoon a few labourers fuddle themselves before they go home to
+dinner, and there is a good deal of slavering incoherence to be heard.
+From seven to eight in the evening the men drop in, and a vague murmur
+begins; the murmur grows louder and more confused as time passes, and by
+ten o'clock our company are in full cry, and all the pipes are in full
+blast. When I stole quietly in, I thought the scene was hideous enough
+in its dull way. The gas flared with drowsy refulgence through the reek,
+and the low masks of the roaring crew somehow left on me an impression
+that I was gazing on _one_ bestial, distorted face. A man who is a
+racecourse thief and "ramper" hailed me affably. A beast of prey he is,
+if ever there was one. His hatchet face with its piggish eyes, his thin,
+cruel lips, his square jaw, are all murderous, and, indeed, I cannot
+help thinking that he will commit a murder some day. When he is in his
+affable mood he is very loathsome, but I cannot afford to loathe anyone,
+and we smile and smile, though we dislike each other, and though the
+Ramper hardly knows what to make of me. When I first made his
+acquaintance we were on our way to a race meeting, and he proposed to
+give me his company. Like all of his class, he knew many "certainties,"
+and he offered, with engaging frankness, to put me in the way of
+"gittin' a bit." The racing blackguard never talks of money; indeed, his
+obliquity of mind prevents him from calling anything by its right name.
+For him the world is divided between those who "have got it"--_it_ being
+money--and those who mean to "get a bit" by any means, fair or foul. On
+that day, long ago, this creature fancied that I had some money, and he
+was determined, to rob me somehow. I let him imagine that he was
+leading me on, for there is no luxury that I enjoy more than watching a
+low, cunning rogue when he thinks he is arranging a successful swindle.
+I was introduced to a thoroughly safe man. The safe man's face was
+almost as villanous as that of my mentor, and his manners were, perhaps,
+a little more offensive. Our first bet closed all transactions between
+us; as I fully expected, I obtained a ridiculously liberal price, and I
+_won_. On my proposing a settlement, the capitalist glared virtuously
+and yelled with passion--which was also what I expected. Then came my
+mentor, and softly remarked, "Don't go and queer his pitch. Here's a lot
+on 'em a-comin', and they'll be all over you if you say a word. Wait
+till he gits a bit and he'll pay." This was also what I expected. We
+happened to be in an enclosed ground, so I managed to keep my eye on the
+capitalist, and the unhappy being vainly strove to dodge away. Catching
+him in the act of sneaking through the turnstile, I touched him gently,
+and then beckoned to a policeman. No welsher can hope for admission to
+one of the enclosed courses after he is once fairly caught, and my
+victim whimpered, "Come in yere and 'ave a drink." Then he said, "Look
+yere, I ain't got a bloomin' 'alf dollar but what I 'ad off o' you. I
+walked down this mornin', and hadn't only the gate-money, and your pal
+laid me on to you. Say nothin' this time. I ain't had no grub to-day.
+Give us a chance. 'Twas your pal as put me on, mind. Brandy cold, if you
+don't mind."
+
+The ineffable impudence of the capitalist's request made it hard for me
+to keep from laughing; I let him go, and I fear that he and the Ramper
+made further attempts on the idiots who throng the Silver Ring.
+
+That same evening Mr. Ramper made his last effort to practise on me. We
+were straddling among a sporting group in The Chequers bar, when he
+said, "Better settle over Dexter." "Dexter? What about Dexter?" "Didn't
+you take Dexter agin' Folly?" "Not such a mug." Then the hound raised
+his voice in the fashion of his tribe. "You goin' to welsh me, are you?
+You don't mean to pay that ten bob? I'll 'ave it out of your bloomin'
+liver!" All this was uttered in a yell which was intended to draw
+attention, and the creak of the brute's voice made me inclined to dash
+my fist in his vile face. But I only grinned and said "What a poor liar
+you are."
+
+The more the Ramper screeched, the more I laughed; he durst not strike,
+and at last, when I reminded him that he had already divided a little
+plunder with the capitalist, he grumbled a curse or two and lapsed into
+affability. You cannot shame one of these beings, and the Ramper is now
+on the most confidential terms with me. I am very glad we did not fight,
+because he introduced me to one of the most interesting and estimable of
+all my acquaintances. Said the Ramper, blowing his sickly breath into my
+very ear, "There's a bloke yere as knows suthin' good for Lincoln. Up in
+the corner there. Let's sit down." Within a minute I found myself
+talking to a queer, battered man, who bent moodily over his glass of
+gin and stole furtive glances at me with bleared, sullen eyes. His blood
+was charged with bile, and he could not prevent the sudden muscular
+twitchings of his hands. His knuckles were swollen, and his fingers were
+twisted slightly. Evidently he was diseased to the very bone through
+alcoholic excesses. He was dressed in a shiny overcoat, and his bony
+shanks threatened to pierce his trousers. When he pushed back his rakish
+greasy hat, he showed a remarkably fine forehead--well filled, strong,
+square--but he had the weakest and most sensual mouth I ever saw. There
+was scarcely a sign of a lower jaw, and the chin retreated sharply from
+the lip to the emaciated neck.
+
+My man spoke with a deep voice that contrasted oddly with his air of
+debility, and I noticed that he not only had a good accent, but his
+words were uttered with a deliberate attempt at formal and polished
+elocution. We talked of horse-racing, and he mouthed out one speech
+after another with a balanced kind of see-saw, which again and again ran
+into blank verse. I said, "You have something good for Lincoln, I hear.
+Any chance of being on?" He replied, "I heed no fairy tales or boasting
+yarns. When a man says he has a certainty, I tell him to his face that
+he's a liar. The ways of chance are far beyond our ken, and I can but
+say that I try. Information I have. From Newmarket I receive daily
+messages, and I have as much chance of being right as other men have;
+but you know what the Bard says. Ah! what a student of human nature
+that man was! What an intellect! In apprehension how like a god! You
+know what he says of prophecy and chance? I only fire a bolt at a
+venture, and if my venture don't come off, then I say, 'Pay up and look
+pleasant.'"
+
+The majestic roll of his speech was very funny, and he poured forth his
+resonant periods as though I had been standing at a distance of twenty
+yards. As the gin stirred his sluggish blood he became more and more
+declamatory, and when at last he fairly yelled, "I am a gambler. I could
+not brook life if I had no excitement. It is my very blood. Yet, think
+not my words are false as dicers' oaths," and waved his right hand with
+a lordly gesture, I thought, "An old actor, for certain." So long as his
+senses remained he talked shrewdly about betting, and his remarks were
+free from the mingled superstition and rascality which make ordinary
+racing talk so odious; but when he began to drink rapidly he soon became
+violent, and finished by carrying on like a madman. He shouted passages
+from "Hamlet" and "Coriolanus" with ear-splitting fervour, and at last
+he drew a universal protest from the rest of our crew, who are
+certainly not sensitive. Then his yell grew maudlin. "Why did God make
+me thus? Why do I grunt and sweat under the burden of a weary life? Give
+me, ah, give me the days that are gone!" Then he fell alongside of the
+bench, and presently his long, gurgling snore sounded fitfully. "Let him
+sweat there till closing time; he'll be quiet enough," said Mr.
+Landlord; and sure enough the orator lay until the hour had struck. He
+shivered when he rose, and his knees were like to fail him. "Heavens!
+what a mouth I've got!" he moaned, and I could see that the deadly,
+bitter fur had already covered his palate. "Take a flask home, Billy,
+and pull yourself together when you turn in." Billy grabbed fiercely at
+the air. "These infernal flies have started early." The specks were
+dancing before his eyes, and I fancy he had an ugly night before him;
+but I didn't see him home.
+
+THURSDAY.--I have found out a good deal about my stagy friend, and we
+are quite confidential, especially late at night. He weeps plenteously
+and recalls his own sins, but I think he is fairly truthful. A moving,
+sordid history is his. Moralising is waste of time, but one might
+almost moralise to the extent of boredom concerning the life of Billy
+Devine, boozer, actor, betting-man.
+
+Devine's peculiarly grandiose mode of telling his story was rather
+effective at first hearing, but it would read like a burlesque, so I
+translate his narrative into my own dialect. He was a quick, clever lad,
+and the culture bestowed in a genteel academy was too narrow for him. He
+read a great deal of romance, and still more poetry. He neglected his
+school lessons, and he was dismissed after a few years as an incurable
+scamp.
+
+No sort of steady work suited Devine; his fatal lack of will was
+supplemented by an eager vanity, and he was only happy when he was
+attracting notice. Now that he is matured, he is gratified if he can
+make drunken costermongers stare, so he must have been a very forward
+creature when his conceit was in full blossom. He began by spouting
+little recitations, and gradually practised until he could take his part
+in amateur stage performances. As he put it, "I found that the majesty
+of Coriolanus and the humour of Paul Pry were alike within my compass,
+and I impartially included both these celebrated parts in my
+_répertoire_." Nothing ever diverts a stage-struck youth from his fell
+purpose unless he is absolutely pelted off the boards. Devine loathed
+his office; he hated the sight of a business letter, and he finally
+appeared in a wretched provincial booth, where he earned seven shillings
+per week in good times: the restraints of respectability were to hamper
+him no more. Through all his miserable wanderings I tracked him, for he
+kept playbills, and each bill suggested some quaint or sordid memory. I
+felt something like a lump in my throat when he said, "Now, dear friend,
+at this place I played once the 'The Stranger' and 'The Idiot Witness,'
+and for two days my comrade and I had nothing to eat. On one eventful
+night we saw some refuse fish being wheeled off in a barrow, and we
+begged leave to abstract a fish, which was--I say it without fear of
+contradiction--the knobbiest and scaliest member of the finny tribe.
+Sir, we tried to skin this animal and failed. Then we scraped him, and
+the moving question arose, What about fire? Luckily the landlady had
+left a lamp on the stairs. My inventive faculties were bestirred. The
+LAMP! No sooner said than the fish was placed on the fire-shovel, and we
+then took turns to move the shovel backwards and forwards over the lamp.
+Regardless of that woman's loud inquiries about the smell, which was in
+truth, sir, very overpowering, we pursued our joint labours until two in
+the morning, and then the brute was only _half_ raw. One penknife was
+our sole cutlery; but we managed to cut through the skin, and we
+devoured the oily stuff like famished hounds, sir. We were ashamed; but,
+as the poet truly observes, 'Necessity knows no law,' and we endured the
+scurrilous language of the woman when, on the morrow, she found the
+bottom of the shovel encrusted with dirt and the top thickly coated with
+grease. That fish saved us, sir."
+
+Little by little Devine worked his way towards London, and at length he
+appeared in a West-end theatre. His reminiscences of the stars are
+impressive, but we need not deal with them; it is enough to say that he
+was successful--and in light comedy no less. About this time he began to
+have his photograph taken very frequently, and the portraits made me
+feel sad. This dull, sodden man was once a handsome fellow, alert, well
+poised, brave and cheerful. The profile which I saw in the photographs
+somehow made me think of an arrow-head on the upward flight; that, lower
+jaw, which is now so flabby and slobbery was once well rounded, and the
+weakness was not unpleasantly evident. I often wonder that human vanity
+has not done away with alcoholism. Men are vain animals, yet a
+good-looking fellow, who could never pass a mirror without stealing a
+quiet look, will cheerfully go on drugging himself until every feature
+is transformed. I have seen the process of facial degradation carried
+through in so many cases that I can tell within a little how long a man
+has been a drinker, and that with no other guide than the standard of
+graduated depravity which is in my mind, and which I instinctively
+consult. Devine must have been attractive to women, for they certainly
+did their best to spoil him, if one may judge by the collection of faded
+notes which he retains. He met his fate at last. A pretty, sentimental
+girl fell in love with him, and pressed him to make an appointment with
+her, so the dashing young actor arranged to meet the love-stricken
+damsel at Hampton Court. The flowers of the chestnuts were splendid,
+and the spirit of May was in the air. "I seem to see the same sunshine
+and the same flowers very often, even when I'm too jumpy to know what is
+going on all round," said the poor, battered man. The girl sobbed and
+trembled. "I couldn't help it; I had to meet you, and, Oh, if father
+knew, I believe he'd beat me." Devine found out that the lady was the
+daughter of a very rich tradesman, and he was not by any means
+displeased, for romantic actors have just as keen an eye to business as
+other folk. Before the pleasant afternoon closed, he had gained
+permission to call the truant Letty, and she primmed her rosy lips as he
+taught her to say Will. Decidedly Mr. Devine was no laggard in love.
+
+Indiscreet little Letty found means to steal away from home time after
+time, and her stock of fibs must have been varied and extensive, for
+three months passed before the inevitable catastrophe came.
+
+"This is Aunt Lizer, is it?"
+
+Devine and Miss Letty were walking in a secluded corner of Wimbledon
+Common when a loud voice spoke thus. Letty screamed, and turned to face
+a stout, red-faced man who stood glaring ominously.
+
+Devine, after the approved stage fashion, said "May I ask the meaning of
+this intrusion?"
+
+"Meanin'! You talk about meanin' to John Billiter? See this stick? I'll
+meanin' you! This is my daughter, and I'll thank you to tell me who
+_you_ are." Need I say that Devine rose to the occasion? He recited to
+me a portion of the reply which he made to the aggrieved parent, and I
+can fully believe that that worthy man was surprised. "The Rivals," "The
+Hunchback," "Romeo and Juliet," and other dramatic works were ransacked
+for phrases, and the stately periods flowed on until Mr. Billiter
+gasped, "Damn it, gal!--do you mean to say you've deceived your father
+so you might git out along of a blanked lunatic?" This was too much.
+Devine observed with majesty, "Sir, I can pardon much to the father of
+the lady whom I love; but there are limits, sir. Beware!"
+
+"You come along to the trap, you hussy; and as for you mister, let me
+ketch you anywhere near our place and I'll turn the yard dog out on
+you!"
+
+Poor Letty was severely shut up at home. Her father questioned her much,
+and when he heard at length that the flashy young man was an actor, he
+gave one choking yell, and sat down in limp fashion. All the rest of the
+day he muttered at intervals, "A hactor!" and pressed his hand to his
+forehead with many groans. At night he went into Letty's room, and as he
+gazed on the girl's worn face he said, "A hactor! The Billiters is done
+for. Their goose is cooked!"
+
+Devine fairly luxuriated in his desolation. I could tell from his mode
+of dwelling on his woes that he had keenly enjoyed playing the forlorn
+lover. As he told me of those sleepless nights spent long ago, and
+rolled out his sonorous record of suffering, his watering eye gleamed
+with pleasure, and I can well imagine how sorely he bored his friends
+when he was young and his grief was at its most enjoyable height. But he
+was no milksop, and he resolved that Mr. Billiter should not baulk him.
+Where is the actor who does not delight in stratagems and mysteries?
+Bless their honest hearts, they could not endure life without an
+occasional plot or mystification! Two months after Letty's
+incarceration, a decently-dressed man called at Mr. Billiter's with a
+parcel. The visitor was clad in tweed; his smart whiskers were
+dexterously trained and he looked like a natty draper's assistant.
+"These things were ordered by post, and I wish Miss Billiter to select
+her own patterns."
+
+"Miss Billiter's with her aunt, and she don't see anyone at present."
+
+"Then kindly hand in the parcel, and I will call in an hour."
+
+That night Letty was restless. The sly little thing had managed to
+deceive her aunt; but the problem of how to elude father was
+troublesome.
+
+William had an American engagement; he would have a fast horse ready
+next evening at eight; Mr. Billiter would be summoned by a telegram;
+then train to Southampton--licence--the mail to New York, and bliss for
+ever! Letty must rush out like a truant schoolgirl--never mind about hat
+or cloak; the escape _must_ be made, and then let those catch who can.
+
+This was Devine's plan, and he carried it out with perfect nerve. A
+fortnight afterwards the mail steamer was surging along in
+mid-Atlantic, and the plucky actor was passing happy, idle days with his
+wife.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Billy had the nerve of a man once, but he utters a kind of strangled
+shriek now if a dog barks close to him, and he cannot lift his glass in
+the mornings--he stoops to the counter and sucks his first mouthfuls
+like a horse drinking, or he passes his handkerchief round his neck, and
+draws his liquor gently up with the handkerchief to steady him. A long
+way has Billy travelled since he was a merry young player. I shall say
+more about him presently.
+
+
+
+
+THE PINK TOM CAT.
+
+
+My friend the publisher calls the Loafer's narratives "thrilling," but
+I, as editor of the Diaries, would prefer another adjective. The Loafer
+was a man who only cared for gloom and squalor after he had given up the
+world of gaiety and refinement. Men of his stamp, when they receive a
+crushing mental blow, always shrink away like wounded animals and
+forsake their companions. A very distinguished man, who is now living,
+disappeared for fifteen years, and chose on his return to be regarded as
+an utter stranger. His former self had died, and he was strengthened and
+embittered by suffering. The Loafer was of that breed.
+
+Two locked volumes of the Loafer's Diary were delivered to me, and I
+found that the man had once been joyous to the last degree, ambitious,
+successful, and full of generous thoughts and fine aspirations. Some of
+his songs breathe the very spirit of delight, and he wrote his glad
+thoughts at night when he could not sleep for the keen pleasure of
+living. Then comes a sudden cloud, and from that time onward the Diary
+is bitter, brutal, and baldly descriptive of life's abominations. It
+would not become me to speak with certainty, but I fancy that a woman
+had something to do with the Loafer's wild and reckless change. He is
+reticent, but his poems all point in one direction. Here is a grave note
+of passion:--
+
+    The sombre heather framed you round,
+      The starlight touched your pallid face,
+    You moved across the silvered ground--
+      The night was happy with your grace.
+
+    The air was steeped in silver fire,
+      The gorse was touched with silvern sheen;
+    The nightingales--the holy choir--
+      Sang bridal songs for you, my queen.
+
+    But songs and starfire, pomp of night,
+      Murmur of trees and Ocean's roll,
+    Were poor beside the blind delight--
+      The Love that quivered in my soul.
+
+Further on there is a single brief verse like a cry of rage and
+despair:--
+
+    And is it then the End of all?
+      O, Father! What a doom is mine--
+    An unreturning prodigal,
+      Who feeds on husks and herds with swine!
+
+After many ravings the torn soul seems to grow calm, and we have this
+pensive and tender fragment of music:--
+
+    The dreams that fill the thoughtful night,
+      All holy dreams are in the sky,
+    They stoop to me with viewless flight,
+      And bid me wave my care good-bye.
+
+    Spread your dim wings, O sacred friends,
+      Fleet softly to your starry place;
+    I'll meet you as my journey ends,
+      When I shall crave our Master's grace.
+
+    Till I may join your shadowy band
+      I'll think of things that are to be--
+    The far-off joy, the Unseen Land,
+      The Lover I shall never see.
+
+After this our man plunges into the slums, and we have no more poetry.
+One who loved him asked me to go through his journals, and nearly all I
+know of him is derived from them. By chance I have heard that he was
+passionately fond of children, but avoided women. One who knew him said
+that he was witty, and often strung off epigrams by the hour together,
+but he was always subject to fits of blind frenzy, during which his wit
+and his genuine sagacity left him. No one followed him to his grave; but
+he was visited in hospital by a tall, fair lady, who gazed on him with
+stern composure. He sneered even while dying. "I'm a pretty object, am I
+not? I was going to shake the world. Will you kiss me once?"
+
+The tall lady stooped and kissed him; he gasped, "Thank you. It was more
+than I deserved. And now for the Dark."
+
+The lady sighed a little and went away, and I think that a bunch of
+heather which lay on the coffin must have come from her. Anyway, that is
+all I know about the Loafer, and he may now tell his story of the Pink
+Tom Cat in his own way. You observe how drily circumstantial he is.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I shall not be able to go on with Billy Devine's story for some time. We
+have had an ugly business here, and it is now two months since I wrote a
+line. It was only by making special inquiry that I found how time had
+gone, for I have been living in a nightmare.
+
+One fine morning I put on smart flannels and went for a scull on the
+river. If ever you drink too much it is best to force yourself into
+violent exercise at any cost, and for that reason I determined to row
+until the effects of a very bad night had worn off. Usually I keep
+myself clear of after consequences, but I had been with a keen set, and
+we did not go to bed at all. When we contrived to separate at 7 a.m.,
+some of my companions began on a fresh day's drinking, but I chose to
+take a rest.
+
+It was a lovely morning, and I felt like a bad sort of criminal amid the
+clear, splendid beauty. When the light wind struck across the surface of
+the river it seemed as if the water were pelted with falling jewels; the
+osiers bowed and sighed as the breeze ran along their tops; and, here
+and there, a spirt of shaken dewdrops described a flashing arc, and fell
+poppling into the stream. Ah! how solemnly glad and pure and radiant the
+great trees looked! The larks had gone wild with the joy of living, and
+their delicious rivalry, their ceaseless gurgle of liquid melody, seemed
+somehow to match the multitudinous glitter of the mighty clouds of
+foliage. For a man with pure palate and healthy eye the sights and
+sounds would have made a heaven; but my mouth was like a furnace, and
+my eye was fevered. Nevertheless, I managed to enjoy the sweet panorama
+more and more as my muscles grew tense, and I pulled on doggedly for
+full three hours, until I had not a dry stitch on me; then a funny
+little waterside inn drew my eye, and I went ashore. Bob Darbishire met
+me with a shout of welcome, and I wondered what brought him there. Bob
+did not often visit The Chequers, for he was a wealthy fellow, and he
+liked best to fool his time away in flash billiard-rooms; but he knew me
+well enough, and I was on as easy terms with him as with the costers and
+Rommany chals. I say _was_ when I speak of him. Ah me!
+
+Bob succeeded to a great deal of ready money and a good business when he
+was barely twenty-one, and he broke out into a rackety life at once, for
+he had been hard held in by his father and mother, and his mad
+activities craved for some vent. Had he been well guided he would have
+become a useful citizen, but he was driven with a cruel bit, and the
+reins were savagely jerked whenever he seemed restive. When he once was
+free, he set off at a wild rate down the steep that leads to perdition,
+and plenty of people cheered him as he flew on. It vexed me often to see
+a fine, generous lad surrounded by spongers who rooked him at every
+turn; but what could one do? The sponger has no mercy and no manliness;
+he is always a person with violent appetites, and he will procure
+excitement at the cost of his manliness and even of his honesty.
+Bob had an open hand, and thought nothing of paying for twenty
+brandies-and-sodas in the course of a morning. Twenty times eightpence
+does not seem much, but if you keep up that average daily for a year you
+have spent a fair income. No one ever tried to stay this prodigal with a
+word of advice; indeed, in such cases advice is always useless, for the
+very man whom you may seek to save is exceedingly likely to swear, or
+even to strike at you. He thinks you impugn his wisdom and sharpness,
+and he loves, above all things, to be regarded as an acute fellow. A few
+favoured gentry almost lived on Bob, and scores of outsiders had pretty
+pickings when he was in a lavish humour, which was nearly every day. He
+betted on races, and lost; he played billiards, and lost; he ran fox
+terriers, and lost; he played Nap for hours at a stretch, and generally
+lost. He was only successful in games that required strength and daring.
+Then, of course, he must needs emulate the true sporting men in amorous
+achievements, and thus his income bore the drain of some two or three
+little establishments. Bob would always try to drink twice as much as
+any other man, and he treated himself with the same liberality in the
+matter of ex-barmaids and chorus girls. The Wicked Nobleman was a
+somewhat reckless character in his way, but his feats would not bear
+comparison with those performed by many and many a young fellow who
+belongs to the wealthy middle class. Alas! for that splendid middle
+class which once represented all that was sober and steady and
+trustworthy in Britain! Go into any smart billiard-room nowadays, or
+make a round of the various race meetings, and you will see something to
+make you sad. You see one vast precession of Rakes making their mad
+Progress.
+
+Bob was always kindly with me, as, indeed, he was with everybody. The
+very bookmakers scarcely had the heart to offer him false prices, and
+only the public-house spongers gave him no law. But, then the sponger
+spares nobody. On this memorable morning the lad was rigged in orthodox
+flannels, and he looked ruddy and well, but the ruddiness was not quite
+of the right sort. He had begun drinking early, and his eye had that
+incipient gloss which always appears about the time when the one
+pleasurable moment of drunkenness has come. There is but one pleasant
+moment in a drinking bout, and men make themselves stupid by trying to
+make that fleeting moment permanent. Bob cried, "Come on, sonny. Oh!
+what would I give for your thirst! Mine's gone! I'm three parts copped
+already. Come on. Soda, is it?"
+
+Then, with the usual crass idiocy of our tribe, we proceeded to swallow
+oblivion by the tumbler until the afternoon was nearly gone. I felt damp
+and cold and sticky, so I said I should scull home and change my
+clothes. Then Darbishire yelled with spluttering cordiality, "Home! Not
+if I know it! My togs just fit you. Go and have a bath, and we'll shove
+you in the next room to mine. I'm on the rampage, and Joe Coney's coming
+to-night. You've got nothing to do. Have it out with us. Blow me! we'll
+have a week--we'll have a fortnight--we'll have a month."
+
+I wish I had never taken part in that rampage.
+
+Towards eight o'clock we both felt the false craving for food which is
+produced by alcohol, and we clamoured for dinner. Dinner under such
+circumstances produces a delusive feeling of sobriety, and men think
+that they have killed the alcohol; but the stuff is still there, and
+every molecule of it is ready, as it were, to explode and fly through
+the blood when a fresh draught is added. At eleven o'clock we were at
+cards with Mr. Coney. At one we went out to admire the moon, and though
+one of us saw two moons, he felt a dull pain at the heart as he
+remembered days long ago, when the pale splendour brought gladness. When
+we had solemnly decided that it was a fine night, we went back to our
+reeking room again, and pursued our conversation on the principle that
+each man should select his own subject and try to howl down the other
+two. This exercise soon palled on us, and one by one we sank to sleep.
+The clear light was pouring in when I woke, but the very sight of the
+straight beams made me doleful. When a man is in training, that gush of
+brightness makes him joyous; but a night with the fiend poisons the
+light, the air, the soul. Bob lay on the floor under the full glare of
+the window. What a fine fellow he was! His chest bulged strongly under
+his fleecy sweater; his neck was round and muscular, and every limb of
+him seemed compact and hard. His curls were all dishevelled, and his
+face was miserably puffy, but he had not had time to become bloated. No
+wonder that girls liked him.
+
+Presently we were all awake, and a more wretched company could not very
+well be found. Novelists talk about "a debauch" in a way that makes
+novices think debauchery has something grand and mysterious about it.
+"We must have orgies; it's the proper thing," says Tom Sawyer the
+delightful. The raw lad finds "debauches" mentioned with majestic
+melancholy, and he naturally fancies that, although a debauch may be
+wicked, it is neither nasty nor contemptible. Why cannot some good man
+tell the sordid truth? I suppose he would be accused of Zolaism, but he
+would frighten away many a nice lad from the wrong road. Let any
+youngster who reads this try to remember his worst sick headache; let
+him (if he has been to sea) remember that moment when he longed for
+someone to come and throw him overboard; let him then imagine that he
+has committed a deadly crime; let him also fancy what he would feel if
+he knew that some awful irreparable calamity must inevitably fall on him
+within an hour. Then he will understand that state of mind and body
+which makes men loathe beauty, loathe goodness, loathe life; then he
+will understand what jolly fellows endure.
+
+We glowered glassily on each other, and we were quite ready either to
+quarrel or to shed tears on the faintest provocation. Presently Bob
+laughed in a forced way, and said, "God, what a head! Let's come out.
+Those yellow shades make me bilious." The glory of full day flooded the
+lovely banks, but the light pained our eyes, and we sought refuge in the
+cool, dim shades of the parlour. Our conversation was exactly like that
+of passengers on board ship when they are just about to collapse. The
+minutes seemed like hours; our limbs were listless, as if we had been
+beaten into helplessness. So passed one doleful hour. I mentioned
+breakfast, and Bob shuddered, while Coney rushed from the room. What a
+pleasant thing is a jovial night!
+
+"Let's see if we can manage some champagne," said Darbishire, and the
+"merry" three were soon mournfully gazing on a costly magnum. Sip by sip
+we contrived to drink a glass each; then the false thirst woke, the
+nausea departed, and we were started again for the day.
+
+I persisted in taking violent exercise, but Darbishire seemed to have
+lost all his muscular aptitudes, and although I implored him to exert
+himself, he sank into a lethargy that was only varied by mad fits,
+during which he performed the freaks of a lunatic. After the sixth day's
+drinking I proposed to go away. Bob looked queerly at me, and said in a
+whisper, "Don't you try it on! See that!" and he showed me a little
+Derringer. I laughed; but I was not really amused. You always notice
+that, when a man is about to go wrong, he thinks of killing those whom
+he likes best. That night Bob's hands flew asunder with a jerk while we
+were playing cards; the cards flew about; then he flung a decanter
+violently into the fireplace, and sat down trembling and glaring. I
+sprang to his side, and found that the sweat was running down his neck.
+I pulled off his shoes--his socks were drenched! I said, "I thought
+you'd get them, old fellow. Now, have some beef-tea, and I'll send right
+away for a sleeping draught." Bob trembled still more.
+
+"No beef-tea. I've had nothing these three days, as you know. It would
+kill me to swallow." Then he said, in a horrible whisper, "The brute's
+coming down the chimney again. There's a paw! Now his head! Now's a
+chance! Yah! you pink devil, that's got you! Three days you've been
+coming, and now you're cheeky. Yeo, ho! That's done him." Then he flung
+a second decanter, and sank down once more with a shriek.
+
+"I'll have a drink on that!" he screamed; and I let him take a full
+glass of spirits, for I wanted to secure the Derringer. The drink
+appeared to paralyse him, and I slipped down to the landlord's room. The
+worthy man took things very coolly; none of his trade ever like to see a
+man drunk, but they become hardened to it in time, and talk about
+delirium tremens as if it were measles. Here is the dialogue.
+
+"Bob's queer."
+
+"I thought so. He's had 'em once before. He must be careful, but you
+can't stop him."
+
+"I must have help. I could drown myself when I think that I've perhaps
+encouraged him."
+
+"Don't you worry yourself. He'd have been a million times worse if you'd
+not been about. He sits with the watchmen and all sorts of tow-rags
+then."
+
+"We must get him home somehow."
+
+The landlord fairly shouted: "Home! anything but that! Not that I want
+to keep him, but we must have him right first. There's his mother, what
+could she do?" Then, dropping his voice, the shrewd fellow said, "You
+see, it would nearly pay me to be without his custom, for I'm in the old
+lady's hands. Fact is, they've engaged him to a swell girl, and she's
+awful spoons on him, for there ain't nobody so nice and hearty as he is
+when he's square. He's fond of her, too, but she wants to _reclaim_ him,
+don't you know, and he kinder kicks. So he says when he came, "I'm going
+to be out of apron-strings for a bit," and I don't want him to go near
+home till he's fit to meet the lady. She's a screamer, she is--a real
+swell; and she'd go off her head if she saw him with 'em on. I'll tell
+you what we'll do. I've got one bromide of potass draught. We'll get
+that into him somehow, and in the morning we may manage to feed him.
+During the day we'll get some more stuff from the doctor, and patch him
+up ready for home I don't care to see him again, for there's no stopping
+him."
+
+When I went up to our room, Bob was lying on the floor, and breathing
+heavily. He opened his eyes, rose, and staggered a little; then he said,
+"B'lieve I can walk a bit; come out for a stroll on the tow-path." The
+moon was charging through wild clouds, and the river was flecked
+alternately by strong lights and broad swathes of shadow. Bob muttered
+as he walked; so, to give him an excuse for conversation, I said, "Why
+were you chucking the hardware so gay and free, Robert?" He put his lips
+to my ear, and said, "That pink tom cat has followed me for ever so
+long, and I can't do for him anyhow. By God, he's everywhere! A pink
+cat, you know, with eyes made of red fire. He's on to me just when I
+don't expect him. Take me for a row. The brute can't come on the water."
+
+"You'll never go out to-night!"
+
+"Won't I? And so will you, or I'll know the reason why!"
+
+I had not secured that Derringer.
+
+I picked a big, broad boat at the inn stairs, and we were soon dropping
+gently over the tide, but I would not row hard, as I wanted to be near
+assistance. To my astonishment Darbishire began to talk quite lucidly,
+and went on for a few minutes with all the charm that distinguished him
+when he was sober. By some strange process the blood had begun to
+circulate with regularity in the vessels of the impoverished brain, and
+the man was sane. I was overjoyed, and in the fulness of my heart I
+said, "We'll drive home, or row there to-morrow. My dear fellow, I
+thought you were going dotty." His jaw fell; he yelled, "Stop him--stop
+him! He's coming with his mouth open! Oh! red-hot teeth and his belly
+full of flames--the cat! Oh, I'll stand this no more--you brute, you
+shall drown!" In an instant he sprang overboard; the clouds came over
+the moon, and I could only tell Bob's whereabouts by hearing him
+wallowing and snarling like a dog. I backed up to him, leaned over, and
+passed one of the rudder-lines under his arm-pits; his struggling ceased
+and I shouted for help. Lights moved on the bank, and presently a boat
+shot towards us. The landlord said, "Mercy on us! Excuse me, sir, but
+you did ought to be careful. You ought to be shot for risking that man's
+life; I see as how it is." I was only too glad to have missed seeing a
+tragedy, and I let Boniface talk on.
+
+It was agreed that Bob should have his draught, and that I should sit up
+by his bedside till four next morning. We wrapped him in warm blankets,
+and coaxed him into taking the medicine. He started and twitched for
+some time, and at last sank into sleep. He moaned again and again, but
+showed no signs of waking, and I sat quietly smoking and framing good
+resolutions. My eyeballs were irritable, and I found that I could only
+obtain ease by closing my eyes. Once I started up and walked to and fro;
+then it struck me I ought to throw the Derringer out of the window, and
+I did so; then I sat down. The clock struck two; my tired eyes closed,
+but I was sure I could keep awake, and I began to repeat old songs
+merely to test my memory and keep the brain active.
+
+Crash! I was sitting on the floor. The clock struck one, two, three! Bob
+was gone. I had fallen asleep and betrayed my trust. I could have cried,
+but that would do little good. The door opened, and Darbishire
+appeared--prowling stealthily and glaring. A long glitter met my eye,
+and I saw that Bob had taken down an old Yeomanry sabre from the wall of
+the next room. He came on, and I shrank under the shadow of my
+arm-chair. He heaved up the sabre, and shouted, "Now, you beast, I've
+got you on the hop!" and hacked at the bed with wild fury. As he turned
+his back on me, I prepared to lay hold on him; he whirled round swiftly,
+and my heart came into my mouth. I cried out, "Bob, old man!" He started
+furiously for a second, and then made a pass at me, sending the steel
+through my clothes on the right side. I felt a slight sting, but did not
+mind, and by wrenching myself half round I tore the sabre from his
+hand. Then I closed, and held him, in spite of his struggles and
+frothing curses, until the landlord and ostler burst in and helped me.
+
+The cut on my side only needed sticking-plaister, but I was completely
+exhausted, and I resolved not to risk such another experience for any
+price. I said to the landlord, "He must be taken to the town, where we
+can have a doctor and attendants handy."
+
+"But you won't drive that poor lady out of her senses, will you?"
+
+"No, I'll take him to The Chequers, and smuggle him in at night. They
+know me there, and not a soul but the doctor and the men will be able to
+tell where he is."
+
+Boniface was not quite satisfied, but he agreed to lend me two men, and
+at dusk I drove round to the back gate of The Chequers, and smuggled Bob
+through the stables.
+
+He was very well behaved when the doctor came, and even thanked him for
+providing two careful attendants. The doctor's directions were very
+simple. "I'll give him some strong meat essence at once; then he must
+have the draught that I will send. No alcohol on any consideration, no
+matter if he goes on his knees to you. Let him have milk and beef-tea as
+often as you can, and never leave him for an instant."
+
+Our landlord of The Chequers was very funny about the jim-jams, and
+funnier still about my suddenly taking to swell company; but I let him
+talk on, and he certainly kept unusually quiet, though no more
+inveterate gossip ever lived.
+
+At a very late hour I was strolling homeward, long after the last
+reeling coster had swayed and howled towards his slum, when two women
+stopped me Then a man came from the shadow of the wall, and I thought I
+had fallen across some strange night-birds; but one of the women spoke,
+and I knew she was a lady. "You have my boy in that horrid place. Tell
+me, is he well? I must see him; I'll tear the doors down with my nails."
+Then the man said, "I drove the keb, sir. I knows Mr. Robert, and I
+thought I'd better tell his mother." I eagerly said, "Madam, you shall
+see him, but, pray, not to-night. The shock might kill him. On my honour
+he is in good hands, and I promise to come to you on the instant when it
+is safe for you to meet him." The lady moaned, "Oh, my boy--my
+darling--my own! Oh! the curse!"--and then she went away.
+
+In two days Bob was quite calm and rational. He craved for food, and
+seemed so well that I thought I might manage him single-handed. So the
+attendants were dismissed, with the doctor's permission, and Bob and I
+settled down for a quiet chat. I shall never forget that talk. The lad
+was not maudlin, and he utterly refused to whimper, but he seemed
+suddenly to have seen the horror of the past. "You can stop in time, old
+man," he said, "but I can't. When I'm well, I'll turn to work, and I'll
+try to keep other chaps from getting into the mud. It would be funny to
+see me preaching to the boys up river, wouldn't it?" For a moment I
+thought, "I'll turn teetotal as well," but I did not say it. I bent
+towards Bob and asked, "Would you care to see your mother, old man?" He
+smiled beautifully, and eagerly answered, "Go for her now."
+
+I was away about two hours, and returned with Mrs. Darbishire. The
+landlord met us, and gravely said "I've been away, but the potman tells
+me a queer yarn. Mr. Darbishire made queer signs out of window to the
+man you call the Ramper, and Mr. Ramper goes to the pub over the way and
+then up to the room. And now Mr. Robert's been locked in for a hour and
+a half." My heart gave one leap, and then I felt cold. We hurried up
+stairs, and we heard a long shrill snarl--not like a human voice.
+
+"Locked! Fetch a crowbar, and call up one of the lads to help."
+
+We burst open the door, and there on the bed lay Bob. He was chattering,
+as it were, in his sleep, and a brandy bottle lay on the floor. He had
+swallowed nearly the whole of the poison raw, and his limbs were
+paralyzed. Suddenly he opened his eyes; then he writhed and yelled,
+"Mother!--the beast! the beast!" The lady threw herself down on her
+knees with a pitiful cry, but Bob did not speak to her. He never spoke
+any more.
+
+
+
+
+TEDDY.
+
+
+I was so weak and nervous after Bob Darbishire's death that I did not go
+much to The Chequers; I hid myself most in my own rooms. The funeral was
+attended by all the well-to-do folks in the district; but I was not
+there, because I did not care to pass by The Chequers in the procession.
+Most people had a good word for poor Bob, and many kind fellows could
+not mention him without the tears coming into their eyes. Only the
+spongers were indifferent; but they had, of course, to look around for
+another liberal spendthrift. Bob was so young, and bright, and brave; I
+never knew a straighter or a kinder man, and I have seen few who had so
+much ability. He drifted into drunkenness by accident, and the vice had
+him hard by the throat before he found out that he was really a
+prisoner. He struggled for awhile, and repented again and again; but
+his will was captured, and when once a man's will is enslaved, vices
+seem to come easy to him. I am not fit to moralise about his relations
+with women; I only know that he was a sinner, and I think of his
+temptations. Like so many splendid young Englishmen, he was conquered by
+drink. The vice seizes on some of the best in all classes, and the
+finest flowers soon become as worthless as weeds when the blight has
+caught them. It is nearly always the bright lad of a family, the most
+promising, the mother's darling, that goes wrong; it is the brilliant
+students, the men of whom one says, "Ah, what could he not do if he
+would only try!" is those who trip, and quench their brilliance in the
+mud. A little rift in the fabric of the will, a little instability of
+temper, an unlucky week of idleness--these are the things that start a
+man towards the very gulf of doom. Bob Darbishire, the athlete, the
+delightful and exhilarating companion, was set gliding on the slope, and
+now he and his hopes and his unknown capabilities have passed away,
+deeper than ever plummet sounded. It is a big puzzle. I am a loafer, and
+I suppose I shall never be anything else, so it is not for me to solve
+the ugly problem.
+
+The Ramper fawned on me, and asked me if I had heard of "that there pore
+young bloke wot kicked the bucket upstairs."
+
+I said, "Yes; I fancy he was murdered. Do you know who took the brandy
+up to him?"
+
+The Ramper looked very wicked, but merely answered, "'Ow should I know?
+He arst me, and I goes and says, 'No, sir; not for a thick 'un.' I see
+'ow he was. I've 'ad 'em on myself, and I knowed as 'ow he wasn't up
+there for nothing."
+
+The Ramper is undoubtedly a liar.
+
+The Wanderer often asked me to call, for he knows that I have a stiff
+flask in my pocket every night. I have pieced out the rest of his story,
+and I shall put it into my book when I am less glum. At present I swear
+every day that I shall turn temperance lecturer, and spend my money on
+the Cause; but, somehow, habit, and my roving blood, are too much for
+me. Like all men of my sort, from Burns downward, I can see evils
+clearly, and state their nature plainly enough; but when it comes to
+keeping clear of them, I resemble my tribe in being rather unhandy at
+judicious strategy. _Vogue la galére!_
+
+Three months more have gone and my journals have never been written up,
+save in chance scraps. The Wanderer is quite as interesting as ever! I
+took the odds to £2 with him over a race run at Newmarket, and he paid
+promptly. He puts out little signs of improvement--sprouts of
+gentility--at times: but one heavy spell of gin and Shakespeare takes
+him back to the old level again. Still, he is more amusing than the
+dandies; in fact, I do not think I shall go amongst the respectable
+division again. I make no pretence of immolating myself: I go among the
+blackguards and wastrels because I am fascinated; I tell exactly what I
+see, and leave other people to make practical use of my words. During
+the last three months I have been, as usual, hard hit. It seems as
+though any creature that I am fond of must soon be lost to me, and the
+pages of my journal are like rows of tombstones.
+
+We were making a great noise in the bar one night, for a cornet and
+fiddle were playing, and a few couples were moved by the music and the
+beer to begin dancing. A good many women come in at one time or other,
+and their shrill laughter forms the treble of our crashing chorus. One
+tall, broad-shouldered dame, who boasts of having six sons serving in
+the Guards, made a great commotion. Her weight is considerable. She had
+been drinking for four hours, and, when she attempted to illustrate her
+theory of the waltz, she sent drinkers and drink flying as though her
+offspring's battalion had charged. She had disabled one sporting coster
+who tried to guide her, and the landlord was preparing for practical
+remonstrance, when she sailed down upon me, yawing all the way as though
+she were running before a hard breeze. I prepared for the shock, but I
+was not destined to receive it. A tiny little lad had just received some
+beer in a bottle from the counter, and he was making for home, when the
+tall woman plumped upon him. The bottle was broken, the beer ran among
+the dirt and sawdust, and the little lad was almost smothered before the
+landlord (who impolitely addressed the waltzer as a cow) had managed to
+haul the ponderous woman to her feet. The boy was a good deal hurt
+physically, but his mental distress at sight of the lost beer prevented
+him from noticing his bruises. When he fully grasped the extent of the
+calamity he actually became pale, and I do not think I ever saw such a
+piteous little face in my life. I asked "How much was it, little 'un?"
+His lips trembled, and he said, "I dunno. I put a-money down, and her
+knows what to put in a-bottle. Father got to 'ave his beer, else he not
+have good supper." I thought, "This youngster isn't ill-used, or he
+wouldn't be anxious for his father to have a good supper." Then I
+ordered a pint can of ale, and offered it to the youth. He hesitated,
+and said, "It's dark. I slip on a stone, and then more beer gone," so I
+took his hand, and marched off with the can, notwithstanding the fact
+that my friend the cornet player struck up "See the conquering hero" in
+a most humorous and embarrassing manner.
+
+It was very quiet and fresh outside, after the hoarse wrangling and the
+dreadful air, and I liked to have the boy's soft hand in mine. He said,
+"Missa Benjo's cellar open. Two mens fall down a-night; you keep a-hold
+o' my hand." I went very warily down the alley, and found that Mr. Benjo
+had assuredly left an awkward trap for the people from The Chequers. My
+young man seemed very smart and careful, and he soon led to a lone door
+which opened into a den that was half kitchen, half cellar.
+
+"Who a-you got long o' you, Teddy?" inquired a gruff man who was
+crouched on a stool by the side of the empty grate.
+
+"It's a man, father, wot give me the beer."
+
+"Come in, mate, if you've a mind."
+
+I accepted the invitation, prompted by my usual curiosity, and found
+myself in a stinking little box, which was lit by a guttering dip. Some
+clothes hung on a line, and these offended more senses than one. No
+breath of pure air seemed to have blown through that gruesome dwelling
+for many a day, but I am seasoned, and nothing puts me out much.
+
+"Ain't got another seat, mate. Take the bed."
+
+The bed was not suggestive of sleep, and I was a trifle uneasy as I sat
+down; yet I knew it would never do to hesitate, so down I sat.
+
+"Wot's this about givin' Teddy the beer?"
+
+I made answer.
+
+"Ain't got no more 'n two bloomin' dee, but you can have 'em, and thank
+ye for your trouble."
+
+"I have money enough, thanks. A pint isn't much."
+
+"Oh, now I knows you. A bloke was a-tellin' me they had a broken-down
+toff round at The Chequers, and some on 'em says you ain't no more
+broken down 'n the Lord Mayor. Allus got enough for a 'eavy booze.
+Anyway, you talks like a toff. I used to git round to the bar, but it
+don't run to it now. Two kids; and Teddy's clothes there ain't not so
+easy to buy now. Missus is out charin'. She'll fetch us a bit o' supper,
+and I makes out middlin' well along o' my pint and bit o' bacca. How's
+things, mate?"
+
+I said that things were flourishing fairly.
+
+"You ain't never done much blank work, _you_ ain't. Your dukes is same
+as silk. Bin a tailor?"
+
+"No, I have other work to do."
+
+"All square, mate; 'tain't no business o' mine. Things is bad 'ere. The
+blank, blank swine of a blank landlord, he takes pooty well 'alf of
+every tanner I can make, and d----d if he'll do anything to the place."
+
+"Smells are queer down here."
+
+"Smell! Lord love you, come down yere to-morrer, and you'll git to know
+wot stinks is. Let Teddy show you that 'ere bloomin' ditch at the back.
+They calls it a stream, but I dussn't say wot I thinks it is afore the
+nipper. All the dead cats and muck in the bloomin' crehation gits dumped
+in there. On 'ot days you wants a nosebag on, I tell you, and no error."
+
+"Does Teddy go to school?"
+
+"No fear; not yet. But he's fly as they makes 'em, he is. Useful he is,
+too. 'Andy as makes no matter, and he ain't no more 'n seven."
+
+"Well, I'm coming to see Teddy and the ditch to-morrow. Will you have
+another pint?"
+
+"Right, matey; that'll do for to-morrow. Ain't you got no less 'n a
+tanner? Never mind, I'll square when I'm flush."
+
+Next day I visited the alley, and went to the gap where it opened on to
+the ditch. There was an admirably efficient hotbed for rearing diseases
+there. A solid bed of sewage of about two feet deep seemed to fill the
+hollow, and a thin sheet of filthy water covered this bed--with sickly
+breaks here and there. Ordure palpable and abominable was plentiful,
+and the swollen carcasses of small animals exhaled their biting wafts.
+Poor little Teddy! I said, "Come home with me, will you? Mind, you
+mustn't tell anyone where I live;" and the amiable little dot set off at
+my side. He could not walk very well, for he had one shoe minus a sole,
+and his toes stuck through the other. When we reached my room I sent out
+for a pair of boots and two pairs of socks; then I pitched Teddy's away,
+and presently to his terror, and my own amusement, I found myself
+engaged in washing his feet. Nice little feet they were when they came
+clean, and their owner pattered about with perfect satisfaction on my
+carpet. I pulled out some cakes, and Teddy accepted a few, turning away
+his head as he took them. He had the exact look of a dog that is being
+reproved, and I had some trouble in persuading him to begin. When he had
+finished one sponge-cake he grinned and enigmatically observed, "Teddy's
+belly." I said, "That's baby talk. You talked all right last night.
+Finish your cakes and you'll have some more for tea. Trot about as you
+like till it's ready." He went gaily about, touching some articles, and
+even sniffing at others; he dived into my bedroom, and I heard him cry
+"Ooh!" Then there was a scraping sound, and Teddy appeared lugging a
+small looking-glass and smiling broadly. "Ooh! This is what there is
+when a lady gives you a beer." I understood that he referred to the
+bleared glass behind the bar of the Chequers, and I appreciated Teddy's
+powers of comparison; but I explained to him that mirrors cannot be
+safely hauled about by little boys, and he kindly assented to this
+proposition.
+
+We had tea, and Teddy so far improved on his bashfulness that he made
+grabs at several things which would have disagreed with him if I had let
+him follow his inclinations. He affably received my hints on table
+etiquette, and smiled with gentleness when I told him he had eaten
+enough. The little creature's ideas were like those of a dog. He had
+been taught to follow and to come home to his kennel; he was ready to be
+gracious toward those who fed him, and he had the true canine glance
+which expresses gratitude and expectancy at once. But he was only a
+rudimentary human being, and his brain power had slept so far. I showed
+him Caldecott's wonderful "House that Jack Built," and he gloated over
+that delightful villain of a dog; the cat and the rat he understood, but
+he knew nothing of the cow. I let him stare at the dog as long as he
+chose, and he chuckled like a magpie all the time. He proposed to remove
+the picture-book, and it was only with difficulty that I persuaded him
+to let me keep it. Knowing the street arab class very well, I did not
+try to talk with him, for I have always found that an arab's curiosity
+when he finds himself in a new place renders him incapable of attending
+to anything that is said to him until he has learned the appearance of
+every object in the room. The little chap is a barbarian, and you must
+treat him exactly as you would treat an adult member of a friendly
+savage tribe.
+
+Before Teddy went home I rigged him up in his new boots and stockings,
+and he was amusingly proud. When we parted at the alley he said, "You
+let me go you house again, and have some nice things and see the dog?"
+Of course I invited him, and henceforth he waylaid me in the afternoons
+as I went home. At first he was not polite, and his mode of calling,
+"Hoy, man! wait for me!" drew marked attention from the public. But he
+soon learned to lift his hat and to shake hands. At intervals I gave him
+set lessons on manners, and, if he behaved nicely, we had a game at
+cricket in my queer old garden. It was almost impossible to make Teddy
+understand the morality of any game at first. When he learned that the
+ball must not touch his wicket, his treatment of my slow bowling was
+positively immoral. I did not mind his kicking the ball out of the way,
+nor did I object to his using his bat like a scoop; but when he lay down
+in front of the wicket, and sweetly smiled as the ball touched his
+stomach, I had to insist on severe cricketing etiquette. As the nights
+darkened in I took to amusing myself more and more with Teddy, and
+sometimes I did not go out to the Chequers at all. The boy was a severe
+trial to me when he learned to play draughts. When once the fundamental
+laws of the game dawned on his mind, and he understood that he must try
+to reduce the number of my pieces, he thought that any means were
+justified if he could be successful. Once I left the room for a minute
+while we were playing, and on my return found four of my men had
+disappeared. I said, "Where are those men?" Teddy smiled courteously; "I
+taken 'em. I go hop, hop, hop, over a lot. All fair." "But where have
+you put them?" "In a pocket. All fair." But he gradually grew out of his
+habits of picking and stealing, and he behaved much like a well-trained
+dog. It is plain to me that he regarded me as a sort of deity; but his
+love was quite unalloyed by fear. He would stroke my beard, and say,
+"You very nice," when I had been specially good-humoured, and, as his
+stock of words increased, he prattled on by the hour. One must love
+something, and I got into the habit of loving this pale little urchin,
+so that at length I fitted up a crib for him, and asked his mother to
+let him stay with me. This made a great change in my habits. Teddy
+seemed to wake as by magic, if I rose to go out after he was in bed,
+and, although he never cried, his way of saying, "You won't let me stop
+by myself--perhaps the black man might come," always settled me. By
+degrees I fell into the habit of reading at nights, and the steady life
+made my brain clear. Books that had been dim memories to me for years
+became vivid, and the power of sustained thinking came back. In those
+long, calm evenings, I went through my Gibbon again, and the awful
+pageant that rolls past our view under the direction of the aristocrat
+of literature made my late life seem poor and mean. How low we were! The
+darkened costers are interesting as studies in animal life; but the more
+pretentious persons whose humour reaches its highest flight in an
+indecent story, and whose wit consists in calling someone else a
+liar--how petty they are, and how fruitless is their friendship! I began
+to feel like a patrician who surveys the mob from his lordly dais, and I
+almost resolved to go back to the clubs and theatres once more.
+
+Teddy increased so much in mental power that he took interest in fairy
+tales, and he was a rigorous taskmaster. I was obliged to illustrate the
+stories in varied ways. Once I was asked, "What's a gian'?" I said, "A
+very, very big man." "Big as you?" "Far bigger." "How bigger? Has he got
+legs, and heads, and--and things like that?" "We'll see. When I stand on
+this chair I'm as big as a giant," but it was all of no avail, and only
+after Teddy had seen a huge, knock-kneed being in a penny show did he
+understand what a giant could be like. Then he asked for giant stories
+on all occasions.
+
+It struck me that I was neglecting Teddy's religious education. Hundreds
+and thousands of such little fellows in and about London have no notion
+of a God, or any ruling power save the policeman. I had a dark mind to
+deal with, and Teddy's questions fairly beat me. Of course I took the
+old orthodox ideas, and tried to make them simple, but Teddy posed me
+like this:
+
+"Do God live in a sky?"
+
+"Far away. Yes; well, say in the sky."
+
+"Where does he hang up his coat when he goes to his bed?"
+
+What on earth was a poor, distracted loafer to say? I could not deal
+with Jesus, for I saw that Teddy did not understand goodness. He knew
+that I was kind, and he liked to kiss my hand slily, and rub his cheek
+on my knee; but abstract goodness and gentle words like those of Jesus
+did not appeal to him. I was satisfied to have a queer creature that
+followed me like a dog, and I am afraid that if he had lived I should
+have made him a kind of heathen; but the luck was against me. Teddy's
+father came on a Sunday morning, and said, "If you don't mind, his
+mother'd like to 'ave him along to dinner to-morrow. We got a bit o'
+pork and a horrange spesshal for him." So Teddy went home when the ditch
+was in worse order than usual. He had been kept amid good air, and he
+was clean--I washed him myself--and I fancy that the stenches poisoned
+him simply because he could not become acclimatised to the alley again.
+Anyway, he was heavy and listless when he came back, and in two days I
+had to send for his father and mother. I am not going into any pathetic
+details, for that is not my line. Night after night I walked the floor
+with the youngster, and when the doctor said I should catch diphtheria
+if I kissed him, I said I didn't care a damn, for I was wild. Then my
+boy went away.
+
+One night I was walking about the park in mad fashion while a hoarse
+gale roused a deep chorus among the trees. I could have sworn that my
+lad called to me. Then I went back and dropped into The Chequers. The
+Ramper said, "Wot cher, yer old bugaboo?" The Wanderer shouted, "Now
+let the trumpet to the kettle speak; the kettle to the cannoneer
+without. He comes! He comes!"
+
+And I went home and stayed till dawn with the Wanderer. That is the way
+we live.
+
+
+
+
+THE WANDERER AGAIN.
+
+
+Several racing men have warned me against the Wanderer, in their
+peculiarly friendly way. They want me to bet with _them_. But I like the
+Bohemian, the blackleg, better than I do better men. Moreover, though I
+am carefully informed that he is a blackleg, I find him honest. His
+story has long been hanging in my mind, and we may as well take it at
+once.
+
+Devine's runaway match turned out well for a time. When old Mr. Billiter
+came home and heard what had happened he fell in a fit, and, on his
+recovery, he went about for a long time moaning, "We'll never hold up
+our heads no more." His friends thought he would lose his reason, for he
+would stop people in the street, and say, "Have you a daughter? Kill
+her, if you care for her. Mine's gone off with a hactor." But the young
+couple were happy enough in reality, and Devine took the fancy of the
+New Yorkers to such a degree that his engagement was extended over three
+years. Letty Devine led a gay, careless life; her husband had plenty of
+money, and she was introduced to pleasures that made the frowsy life of
+home seem very repulsive. Devine was kind to her, and continued to play
+the lover in his pompous style. She was proud of her man, too. He played
+Claude Melnotte for his benefit once, and she longed to say to the
+ladies in the theatre, "He belongs to me. How could she help being
+fascinated with him? Where could you find such another princely being?"
+She felt a lump in her throat when the great house rose at her William,
+and the more so since she knew that her praise was more to him than all
+the clamour of the theatre. Devine had begun by fortune-hunting, and
+ended by loving his wife, though she did not bring him a penny.
+
+Those were merry days in New York. Champagne was plentiful as water, and
+William Devine often came home in a very lively condition, but his wife
+did not mind, for she thought that a man must have his glass. Women of
+the lower and middle classes have a great deal to do with supplying
+customers to the public-house. Some of them drive their men there by
+nagging, but more of them lead a man on to drink by sheer indulgence.
+They encourage him to enjoy himself without thinking of the day when
+enjoyment will be impossible, and when they and their children will
+reach the lowermost rung of the ladder of shame and penury. The Wanderer
+went merrily on his way, but his vice was steadily gaining on him, and
+his nerve was going. He took a long engagement for an Australian tour,
+and carried on very loosely all the while; but Letty saw no change.
+Women never do until the very worst has happened. When Devine came to
+England he was eagerly looked after, and he should have fared well. For
+a time he had engagements and money in plenty, but a subtle change was
+taking place in him, and managers and audiences saw it, though they
+could not say precisely where the deterioration had taken place.
+
+There is a certain sporting set of theatrical men who are very dangerous
+companions. Their daily work is exciting, and when they want change
+they often gamble, because that is the only form of excitement which is
+keener than the stir and tumult of the theatre. When Devine won three
+hundred pounds on one Derby he was a lost man. He pitted his wits
+against the bookmakers'; he took to loafing about with those flash,
+cunning fellows who appear to spend their mornings in bars and their
+evenings in music-halls; he lost his ambition, and he began to lead a
+double life. In the end he took to presenting himself at the theatre in
+various stages of drunkenness, and on one unlucky night he practically
+settled his own fate by falling down on the stage after he had blundered
+over his lines a dozen times. The public saw little of him after that,
+for he had not the power of Kean, or Cooke, or Brooke.
+
+They all go the same way when they slip as Devine did. You can meet them
+on the roads, in common lodging-houses, in the workhouse. The residuum
+is constantly recruited from the "comfortable" classes, and, out of
+thousands of cases, I never knew half-a-dozen in which the cause was not
+drink. I blame nobody. A drunkard is always selfish--the most selfish of
+created beings--and his flashes of generosity are symptoms of disease.
+If he lives to be cured of his vice his selfishness disappears, and he
+is another man; but so long as he is mastered by the craving, all things
+on earth are blotted out for him saving his own miserable personality.
+So far does the disease of egotism go, that it is impossible to find a
+drunkard who can so much as listen to another person; he is inexorably
+impelled to utter forth _his_ views with more or less incoherence.
+
+Devine, the tender husband, the kind father, became a mere slinker, a
+haunter of tap-rooms, a weed. Sometimes he was lucky enough to win a
+pound or two on a race, and that was his only means of support. The
+children were ragged; Letty tried to live on tea and bread, but the lack
+of food soon brought her low, and from sheer weakness she became a
+pitiful slattern.
+
+Mr. Billiter was informed that a woman "like a beggar" wanted to see him
+particularly. He was about to order her off at first, but he finished by
+going to the door, and the beggar-woman went on her knees to him. He
+trembled; then he fairly lifted the poor soul up in his arms and sobbed
+hard. "My gal, my pooty as was. My little gal. To think as you never
+come before you was like this. I've bin dead since you was away. My 'art
+was dead, my little gal. And you're goin' away no more, never no more,
+with no hactors. Sit down. Give me that shawl. Lord bless me, it's a
+dish clout! And your neck's like a chicken's, and your breasts is all
+flat, as was round as could be. O me!"
+
+But the good fellow's moanings soon fell on deaf ears, for Letty
+fainted. When she came round, the servants fed her, and she began to cry
+for the children. "Children if you like, but never him," said Billiter;
+and he at once drove off to bring his darling's ragged little ones home.
+
+Devine was snoring on the floor when the old tradesman entered the
+lodging. There was no fire, no furniture, no food, and the half-naked
+children were huddled together for warmth. The youngest two screamed
+when a rough man came in, for they thought it was the brokers once more.
+Billiter sent the eldest out for a candle, which he stuck in an empty
+gin-bottle. He looked at the snoring drunkard, and gave him a
+contemptuous push with his foot; but the one little boy screamed, "You
+not touch my dada, you bad man!" and the old fellow was instantly
+ashamed. He said, "Now, my little dears, I want you to come to your
+mamma. She sent me for you. We'll all go away in a warm carriage, and
+you'll have something warm and nice to eat. Put the youngsters' clothes
+on, my gal."
+
+"We've none of us got any clothes, sir."
+
+"My God! Here, you sir--wake up. Sit against the wall. Do you see me?
+I've got your wife at home, and I'm going to take these kids. You'll
+hear from me to-morrow."
+
+"Devine finally woke just before the public-houses closed. He staggered
+out, and, after his first drink, the memory of what had passed flashed
+back on him. He felt in his pockets. Yes! He had some money--a good deal
+as it happened, for he had put five shillings on a horse at 33 to 1.
+"Pull yourself together, Billy," he muttered. "You must have a warm bed
+to-night, and face it out to-morrow. One more drink, and I'll have my
+bed here."
+
+In the morning he felt wretched, but when he had regained his nerve by
+the usual method he acted like a man. First he wrote a letter to his
+wife. (I saw the yellow old copy of it.)
+
+"Dearest,--I had a bit of luck yesterday, and took too much on the
+strength of it. I was carried home from this house, and I could not
+speak to Lily or any of them. I deserve to lose you, and I will never
+ask you to come back unless there is no fear of more misery. But this I
+will do. I intend to maintain my own children, if I go and sell matches.
+I won eight pounds odd yesterday. I squandered one pound, I keep two to
+make a fresh start, and you have the rest. While this heart shall
+beat--yes, while memory holds her seat, as the poet says, you are dear
+to me. Once more, in the poet's words, I grapple you to my soul with
+hoops of steel. What has come over me I do not know, and when I wake to
+the fact of my degradation I go madly to the drink again. But I will
+try, and I implore your forgiveness. I cannot hope to see you often, and
+it is better that I should not, for I am worthless. But think of me,
+and, if I fall again and again, believe me that I shall go on striving
+to do better.--Until death, I am your loving, W. DEVINE."
+
+"We don't want none of his 'oss-racin' money. Send it back, my gal,"
+growled old Billiter when he saw this letter. But the poor woman would
+not hurt her husband.
+
+Devine found all respectable employments closed to him, and he was often
+in desperate straits; but he would always contrive to send something, if
+it were only a half-crown, toward the support of his children. When he
+reached the Nadir of shabbiness, he touted in Piccadilly among the cabs,
+and picked up a few coppers in that way. For days he could abstain from
+drink, but that curse never left him, and he broke down again and again,
+only to repent and strive more fervently than ever. Alas! how weak we
+are. Surely we should help each other. I am often tempted to forget
+there is evil in the world. There are moments when I can almost pardon
+myself, but that is too hard. Devine said he could not see Letty often.
+He only saw her once more. She was ailing and weakly, and one day she
+put her arms round her father's neck, and whispered to him. He started,
+and growled, "All right, my gal; I deny you nothin'. Only I'll go out of
+the 'ouse before he comes."
+
+So William Devine was summoned, and he found his wife propped up in bed.
+Her hands were frail, and the bones of her arms stood out sharply. The
+man was choking, Letty made an effort, lifted her arms, and drew him
+down to her with an ineffable gesture of tenderness. "Oh, Will, I'm glad
+you've come. How happy we were--how happy! I forget everything but
+that." Devine could not speak for a while. Letty said:
+
+"You'll always be near the children, won't you?"
+
+"So help me God! I'll give up my life to them."
+
+Then the doctor came, and the Wanderer saw his stricken wife no more.
+
+Devine bore many hardships before he was able to claim his children, and
+even when he had rigged up a house fit to shelter them he was vigorously
+opposed by old Billiter. But he got his own way, and Letty's children
+joined their father.
+
+And now I must speak of a strange thing. The room which the Wanderer
+occupies is bare of every comfort. When we sit together we rest our
+glasses on the mantelpiece (for there is no table), and our feet are on
+the boards. But one night Devine said, "Come up and see my pets in
+bed." The young people were disposed in two absolutely comfortable
+rooms. Everything was neat and clean, and there were signs even of
+luxury. "How is this? Squalor below, comfort here," I thought. A little
+girl who was awake said, "Kiss me, papa, dear." Her nightgown was white
+and pretty. All the clothes that lay around were good. "Now, see the
+children's room," said my seedy host. "They live _there_." And, behold!
+a perfectly comfortable place, fitted up with strong, good furniture.
+
+When we went down, the Wanderer helped himself from my flask. Then, with
+majesty, he observed, "You marvel to see me so shabby? Sir, you must
+know that I wear my clothes till they are falling to pieces. I deny
+myself everything but the booze, and I never start on that till I've
+handed my daughter--bless her!--the best part of the money. I made a
+promise to a saint, sir. I couldn't drop the liquor. It's my master, so
+I fight as long as I can and get better as soon as possible after it's
+over. I'm wrong to give way and spend money on it. I can't help myself.
+But I give all but my drink-money to them. Sir, I am content to meet
+the scoffs of respectability; I think only of my children in my sober
+moments. On the racecourse I'm a gambler, I'm a blackleg (if you believe
+all you hear); but when the horses are passing the post and all the
+people are mad, I am quite quiet. I pray sir, to win; but I only pray
+because my children's faces are before me. Yes, sir, take away the drink
+and give me a chance of honest work and I might nearly be a good man."
+
+The fellow's face grew almost youthful as he spouted, and I thought,
+"That little girl upstairs is very young. Her father is not an old man
+after all." Old he looks--battered, scared, frail; but he has a young
+heart. What a compound! The more I meditate, the more I am convinced
+that we shall have to invent a new morality. The standards whereby we
+judge men are far too rigid. Who shall say that Devine is bad? He is a
+victim to the disease of alcoholism, and his disease brings with it fits
+of selfishness. But there is another Devine--the real man--who is
+neither diseased nor selfish; and both are labelled as disreputable.
+When next I see poor Billy on the floor after his yelling fit I shall
+think of him in a friendly way. More than ever I am convinced by his
+fate that all the high-flying legislation, all the preaching of
+morality, all pulpit abstractions count for nothing. The best men must
+try by strenuous individual exertions to combat the subtle curse which
+has converted the good, generous Billy Devine into a mean debauché. I am
+out of it. I smoke with Billy, I clink glasses with Billy, I laugh at
+Billy's declamations, and I am often muddled when I leave Billy in the
+morning. He illustrates sordidly a chapter of England's history. I wish
+he didn't.
+
+
+
+
+THE ROBBERY.
+
+
+I was robbed last night, and it served me right for being a fool. A
+seedy, down-looking man hangs about The Chequers all day, and he never
+does any work except stick up the pins in the skittle alley. He has a
+sly, secret look, and I fancy he is one of the stupid class of
+criminals. We often talk together, but there is not much to be got out
+of him; he usually keeps his eye on someone else's pewter, and he is
+catholic in his taste for drinks. Of late he has been accompanied by
+three other persons--a stout, slatternly woman, whom he named as his
+wife; a rather pretty, snub-nosed girl, who dresses in tawdry prints;
+and a red-faced, thick-set, dark fellow, who grins perpetually and shows
+a nice set of teeth. The elder man confidentially informed me that the
+stout young man was his son-in-law.
+
+We had been a long time acquainted before I learned anything definite
+about these four. The girl usually arrives about half-past ten; she
+spends money freely, and the four always take home a huge can of beer.
+Some while ago the young man--Blackey he is nicknamed--went out, and I
+followed him quietly. He had been affable with me all the evening, and
+went so far as to offer me a drink. It struck me that he was indirectly
+trying to pump me, for he said, "You don't talk like none of us. I
+reckon you've been on the road." Moreover, when we met he had saluted me
+thus, "Sarishan Pala. Kushto Bak," and this salutation happens to be
+Rommany. As we pursued our talk, he inquired, "You rakker Rommanis?"
+(You speak the gipsy tongue?) and I answered, "Avo." I could see that he
+wanted to establish some bond of communication between us, and that was
+why I followed him. As I quietly came up behind him he said, "That's
+tacho like my dad. I dicked a bar and a pash-crooner." (That's as true
+as can be. I saw a sovereign and a half-crown.) He was not comfortable
+when he saw me, and I knew I had been a fool to let him know that I
+spoke Rommany. However, I passed on as if I had not heard a word. The
+fellow had no doubt been told that I was a tramp, and he put a feeler to
+find out whether I knew the language of the road. Next day we met very
+early. I had stayed out all night with some poachers, and I was in The
+Chequers by half-past seven in the morning. Master Blackey was there
+also, and we exchanged greetings. He was blotchy and his eyes seemed
+heavy; moreover, he was without a drink, and I correctly guessed that he
+had no money. My evil genius prompted me to ask for brandy-and-soda,
+which was the last thing I should have done, and Blackey said, "Us
+blokes can't go for sixpenny drinks. Let me 'ave a drappie levinor." The
+gipsy word for ale was quietly dropped in, and I ordered the right stuff
+as if nothing unusual had been said. Then it flashed on me. "This beauty
+has heard of me from the Suffolk gipsies; he knows that I carry money
+sometimes, and he wants to find out if I am really the laulo Rye." (The
+Surrey Roms call me the Boro Rye; the Suffolk Roms call me laulo Rye.)
+
+For a good while after this the times seemed to be rather bad for the
+four companions. Several times I saw Blackey mutter savagely when the
+girl came in, and it was easy to see that he was not a full-blood gipsy,
+or he would never have threatened to strike her in a public bar. Then it
+happened that I heard a yell one night as I was stealing around the
+by-streets after most of the drunken people had gone home. A man's voice
+growled harshly--it was like the snarl of a wild beast,--"Three nights
+you done no good. Blarst yer slobberin'! you ain't got no more savvey
+than a blank blank cow. I'd put a new head on yer for tuppence."
+
+A woman answered, "You've struck me, you swine; and if I've got a black
+eye I'll quod you, sure as I'm yere. Ain't I lushed you, and fed you,
+and found your clobber long enough?"
+
+"Garn, you farthin' face! Shet your neck."
+
+"All very fine, Mister Blackey, but how would you like a smack in the
+bloomin' eye? I done the best as I knew for you, and there ain't a bloke
+round as has a judy wot'll go where I goes and hand over the wongur."
+
+"Never mind, I was waxy when I done it. Maybe we'll 'ave some luck to
+morrow'."
+
+I was hidden all this time, and I kept very quiet until the pair moved
+away. Over my last pipe I had many meditations, and formed my own
+conclusions about Master Blackey.
+
+There are, as I have said, thousands of fellows who have never done any
+work, and never mean to do any; they are born in various grades of life;
+the public-house is their temple; they live well and lie warm, and you
+can see a fine set of them in the full flush of their hoggish jollity at
+any suburban race meeting. Blackey was a fair specimen of his tribe;
+they are often pleasant and plausible in a certain way, and it is really
+a pity that they cannot be forcibly drafted into the army, for they are
+always men of fine physique. They are vermin, if you like, but how
+admirably we protect them, and how convenient are the houses of call
+which we provide for them.
+
+I went warily to work with Blackey, but I was resolved all the same to
+see him in his home. It happens that even Blackey's household has a
+hanger-on, who also happens to be a parasite of mine. He is a lanky,
+weedy lad, with a foxy face. His dark, oblique-set eyes, his high
+cheek-bones, his sharp chin, are vulpine to the last degree, and, as he
+slouches along with his shoulders rucked up and his knees bent, he
+looks like the Representative Thief. He is called Patsey, and I
+frequently spare him a copper; but his chief patron is Blackey, who
+often hands him the dregs of a pot of beer.
+
+Yesterday morning Patsey waylaid me, but I waved him off. At night he
+caught me going in at the back gate of The Chequers; his hand trembled
+as he clutched my arm, and he said with chattering teeth, "Give me a
+dollar, and I'll tell you somethin'."
+
+"Tell me the something first, and then we'll see about the dollar."
+
+"Don't you go near Blackey's place to-night. They're a goin' to ast you
+if they kin. Blackey's found out as you've got respectable relations as
+wouldn't like to see your name in the papers, and he's goin' to 'ave a
+new lay on. 'Taint no bloomin' error neither. The gal--Tilley,
+don't-cherknow--she'll say, 'I'll walk home with you a bit,' when
+Blackey's out. He meets you, and he says, 'Wot 'cher doin' 'long o' my
+wife? Didn't I trust you at home? I'll expose you.' _She ain't no more
+his wife than I am_, so you look out."
+
+"That's worth a dollar, Patsey. Now sneak you into the stables, and
+don't come near me all night."
+
+I was quite at ease, and became convivial with Blackey and his worthy
+father-in-law. The only thing that worried me was the knowledge that I
+had one note in my watch-pocket besides my loose spending money. Still I
+felt sure of dodging the gang, and I tried to appear innocent as
+possible while the artless Blackey offered me liquor after liquor; and
+he remarked at about ten, "My missus orfen says to me, 'Why don't you
+fetch him home?' she says. If he brings a bottle we'll find our lot, and
+he'll be just as jolly as he is at Billy Devine's. What say to come down
+to-night?"
+
+"All right, only not too late."
+
+At twelve we departed, and I was taken to a row of low cottages, which,
+however, were fairly solid and neat. At first we sat in a kitchen, and I
+was accommodated with a tub for a seat. Our light came from the fire and
+a dull lamp, which only made a reddened twilight in the air. The fat
+woman watched me like a cat, and I fancied that her mouth was like that
+of a carnivorous beast. The sly old man looked on the ground, but his
+stealthy eye--like the eye of a cunning magpie--glittered sometimes as
+he turned it on me. Blackey was most cordial, and soon proposed a song.
+He obliged first, and warbled some ghastly affair which aimed at being
+nautical in sentiment. The chorus contained some observations like
+"Hilley-hiley-Hilley-ho," and it also gave us the information that
+gentleman named Jack would shortly come home from the sea. The thing was
+a silly Cockney travesty of a sailor's song, but we were all pleased
+with it, and it led the way nicely to the girl's ditty, which stated
+that somebody was going sailing, sailing, over the bounding main
+(sailors always mention the sea as the bounding main), and by easy steps
+we got to the fat woman's "Banks of Hallan Worrrtter." We were a jovial
+company: four of us were wondering how they could rob the fifth, and
+that fifth resolved, quite early in this sèance, to use his
+knuckle-duster promptly, and to prevent either of the male warblers from
+getting behind him, at any risk. About three o'clock the junior lady
+placed herself on my knee, and her husband approvingly described her as
+a bloomin' baggage. I did not like the special perfume which my friend
+employed for her hair, and I also disliked the evidences which went to
+prove that the bath was not her favourite luxury; but we did not fall
+out, and, after a spell of sprightly song, we all indulged in a dance of
+the most spirited description. Drink was plentiful, and, as I saw I was
+being plied very freely, I pretended to be eager for more. This modified
+the strategy of my friends, for they were reasonably anxious to secure a
+skinful, and they feared lest my powers might prove to be abnormal. Four
+watching like wild beasts! One waiting, and calculating chances! The
+sullen, grey-eyed old man had taken on the aspect of a ferret; the fat
+woman was like that awful wretch who meets the pale girl in Hogarth's
+"Marriage à la Mode;" the bastard gipsy smiled in "leary" fashion, as if
+he were coming up for the second round of a fight, and knew that he had
+it all own way. I pumped up jokes, and my snub-nosed charmer pretended
+to laugh. Ah! what a laugh.
+
+This was the position when Blackey declared that he must go. "Got to
+shunt, old man? You squat still, now, and git through that there lotion.
+I got to go to market, and we ain't no bloomin' moke. I'm on on my
+stand ten o'clock--no later--and that wants doin'. The missus'll fetch
+me some corrfee, and, hear you, put a nip o' that booze in. It warms yer
+liver up. By-by. Mind you stay, now, and no faint hearts. Mother, up
+with your heavy wet, and try suthin' short. I'm off!"
+
+With an ostentatious farewell, the excellent Blackey stumped off, and
+the four remaining revellers became staid.
+
+"'Ard times," said the ferret-faced man; "but we've 'ad _one_ good night
+out on it anyways."
+
+"How do you make your living, may I ask, if that's a fair question,
+mate?" This question was addressed by _me_ to the sly man, and he was
+embarrassed.
+
+"Livin'! 'Taint no livin'. It's lingerin'. Leastways it would be if it
+wasn't for my gell, Tilley, there. 'Er and 'er 'usban' gives us a 'and;
+an' if you've got a bit about you you might 'elp us put our copper to
+rights. Got a thick 'un? I'll pay it back, s'elp me Gord, if the missus
+can start laundryin' agin'."
+
+I saw that this meant "Show us which pocket you keep your money in," so
+I shamelessly said, "I'll put that square in the morning, governor."
+Then some silly small-talk--petty as children's babble, low as the
+cackle of the bar--went on, and I found myself somehow left alone with
+the snub-nosed young person. She was evidently in some trouble, and I
+was the more interested about her in that I chanced to look at a side
+window, and found the fat, carnivorous woman and the down-looking man
+surveying us with interest, under the impression that they were
+invisible.
+
+Now, I have never cared for talking to girls of her class, for I do not
+like them. All talk about soiled doves and the rest is mere nauseous
+twaddle, arising from ignorance. The creatures take to their rackety
+life because they like it, and, though I have met some good and kind
+members of their class, I have observed that the majority are rapacious,
+cruel, and devoid of every human sentiment that does not hinge on hunger
+or vanity. You may treat a man as an equal in spite of his vices, and do
+no harm, but to treat a woman as an equal _because_ of her vices is
+worse than folly. This silly creature proposed to brush my hair. I had
+encouraged her to familiarity, so I did not object to the toilet
+process, but I did most strongly object to sniffing at a bottle which
+she said would "freshen me up amazing." She withdrew the cork, and
+memories of the college laboratory struck at my brain with
+sudden violence on the instant. The unforgettable odour of ethyllic
+chloride caught at my nerves, and I politely rose.
+
+"Pardon me, I must go. It will be daylight in half an hour," I said, for
+I saw that merry Miss Tilley had been ready to supplement Blackey's
+device by a second trick.
+
+"I'll come with you a little way. You're dotty a bit."
+
+I reached the fresh air and quietly said, "No, you mustn't. The men are
+going to factory up by the Fawcett-road, and every second man we meet
+will know us."
+
+Miss Tilley muttered something, but she preserved her smile and only
+said, "I tell my husband as you took care of us."
+
+As I stole through the heavy fog I thought, "Now, what business had I
+there? If my mother had seen that wretched servant girl brushing my hair
+the old lady would have died--I, the child of many prayers, the hope of
+a house, and stumping home on a foggy morning after sitting among the
+scum of earth all night. I mean to be a philosopher, but what a beastly,
+silly school to cultivate political philosophy in! What do I know more
+than I knew before?--that one vulgar girl maintains three vulgar
+criminals, and that all the four will come whining to the workhouse when
+the game is played out and they can rob no one else. They are creatures
+whose vices and idleness and general villany are engendered amid drink.
+They are the foul fungi that fatten on the walls of the public-house;
+that is all. And I have given them more drink only to see them plan a
+robbery. Seventy thousand of them in London? Yes. But supposing a few
+thousands of _us_, instead of being indifferent, instead of 'exploring'
+in my harum-scarum way, go to work and try to give these creatures a
+chance of living human lives? What then? Would Blackey or the girl or
+the wicked old folk have gone to the bar and eaten away their morality
+with alcohol if they had not been driven out by the stinking dulness of
+that kitchen? I don't know. I only know that when this spell is over I
+shall have some corrections to address to the people who stick up
+institutes, and organise charitable funds. I can offer myself as the
+horrid example, if they like, and that should impress them."
+
+Then my musings were checked, for I had to cross a wooden bridge over
+the odious stream that poisoned Teddy, and the fog was like flying
+gruel. Carefully I picked my way over the bridge, and aimed for the
+dark, narrow lane that led towards my abode. I remember thinking, "What
+a place this would be if we were troubled with footpads!" Then came a
+pause. Now you know how sound travels in a fog? I saw two posts standing
+shadowily before me; then the posts appeared to fade away, or to be
+closed up in the brown haze; then I distinctly heard a whisper, "He
+ain't got her with him. You come after me." I was stooping, and peering
+to find out who whispered. Wrench! I grasped at my neck. Crack! A sound
+like the clanking of chains rattled in my head; a flash of many coloured
+flame shot before my eyes; a hundred memories came vividly to me, and I
+thought I was a boy again, and then I remember no more, until some voice
+said, "Feelin' better?"
+
+I was a little sick, and my head was bleeding, but otherwise I had
+suffered no harm, and I could walk. It was as though I had received a
+knock-down blow in a fight, and that does not hurt one for long. But how
+lucky that the water was out of the mill stream! I had been pitched into
+about six inches of water, and a policeman who heard the splash jumped
+over some rails, and cut across a private paddock in time to save me
+from being smothered in the mud. It is now midnight; I have a man with
+me, and I am not quite so vigorous as I could wish, but my head is
+clear, and to-morrow there will only be the criss-cross mass of
+sticking-plaster to tell that I have been felled and robbed. I shall try
+to pay Mr. Blackey out. Meantime the police and public should remember
+that many men in London pick up a living by arranging humorous little
+midnight interviews like that which I went through. Only the
+professionals work on the Thames Embankment, and the "bashed" man,
+instead of going into six inches of mud, never is heard of again till
+his carcass is brought before the coroner.
+
+
+
+
+ONE OF OUR ENTERTAINMENTS.
+
+
+We have lately had "sport" brought to our very doors, and a pretty crew
+offered themselves for my study. In the diseased life of the city many
+odious human types are developed, but none are so horrible as those that
+crop up at sporting gatherings of various sorts. I have never doubted
+the existence of an impartial, beneficent Ruling Power save when I have
+been among the scum of the sporting meetings. At those times I often
+failed to understand why a good God could permit beings to remain on
+earth whose very presence seems at once to insult the pure sky and the
+memory of Christ. If you go away for a few weeks and live among simple
+fishermen or hinds you become proud of your countrymen. On wild nights,
+when the black waves galloped down on our vessel and crashed along our
+decks, I have felt my heart glow as I watched the cool seamen picking
+up their ropes and working deftly on amid the roaring darkness. The
+fishers are sober, splendid men, who face death with never a tremor, and
+toil on usefully day after day. Come away from their broad, sane
+simplicity and courage, and look upon the infamous hounds who are bred
+in the congested regions--you are sickened and depressed.
+
+I notice that the sporting gang talk only of betting, thieving,
+whoremongering, or fighting. With regard to the latter pursuit, their
+views are distinctly peculiar. A sudden, murderous rush in a crowded
+bar, a quick, sly blow, and a run away--that is their notion of a manly
+combat. In the days of the Tipton Slasher two Englishmen would fight
+fairly like bulldogs for an hour at a stretch; no man thought of crowing
+about a chance bit of bloodshed, or even a knock-down, for it was
+understood that the combatants should fight on until one could not rise;
+then they shook hands, and were friends. But the brutes whom I now see
+are transformed Englishmen; they know that a fair upstanding contest
+would not suit them, and their object is to land one cunning blow, then
+to make as much noise as possible so as to attract attention. It is
+cruelly funny to see a gaping blackguard, who has chanced to give
+someone a black eye or a swollen nose, swaggering round like an absurd
+bantam, and posing as a sort of athletic champion. The gang are nearly
+always full of stories about their miserable scrambling fights, and
+anyone might fancy he had got among a regular corps of paladins to hear
+them vapour. One marvellously vile betting person haunts me like a
+disease. The animal has a head like a sea-urchin, his lips are blubbery,
+his tongue is too big for his mouth, and his face is like one that you
+see in a nightmare. The ugly head is stuck on a body which resembles a
+sack of rancid engine grease. This beauty is a fairly representative
+specimen of our bold sportsmen. He is a deft swindler, and I have gazed
+with blank innocence while he rooked some courageous simpleton at
+tossing. The fat, rancid man can do almost as he chooses with a handful
+of coins, and the marvellous celerity with which sovereigns or halfpence
+glide between his podgy fingers is quite fascinating. On the subjects of
+adultery and fighting this object is great, and his foul voice resounds
+greasily amid our meetings of brave sportsmen. He is accompanied by a
+choice selection of gay spirits, and I take leave to say that the
+popular conception of hell is quite barren and poor compared with the
+howling reality that we can show on any day when a little "sport" is to
+the fore. I am tolerant enough, but I do seriously think that there are
+certain assemblies which might be wiped out with advantage to the world
+by means of a judicious distribution of prussic acid.
+
+Among my weaknesses must be numbered a strong fancy for keeping dogs of
+various breeds. When you come to understand the animals you can make
+friends of them, and I have lived in perfect contentment for months at a
+stretch with no company but my terriers. A favourite terrier often goes
+about with me now, and the other day Mr. Landlord said, with insinuating
+softness, "We must have your pup entered for our coursing meeting." It
+mattered little to me one way or the other, so I paid the entrance fee,
+and forgot all about the engagement. Coursing with terriers is a very
+popular "sport" in the south country, and the squat little white-and-tan
+dogs are bred with all the care that used to be bestowed on fine strains
+of greyhounds. I cannot quite see where the sport comes in, but many
+men of all classes enjoy it, and I have no mind to find fault with a
+remarkable institution which has taken fast root in England. All
+coursing is cruel; a hare suffers the extremity of agony from the moment
+when she hears the thud of the dogs' feet until she is whirled round and
+shaken in those deadly jaws. I lay once amongst straggling furze while a
+hare and two greyhounds rushed down towards me. Puss had travelled a
+mile on a Suffolk marsh, and she was failing fast. As she neared me the
+greyhounds made a violent effort, and the foremost one struck just
+opposite my hiding-place. Never in my life have I seen such a picture of
+agony; the poor little beast wrung herself sharp round with a
+scream--such a scream!--and the dog only succeeded in snatching a
+mouthful of fur. He lay down, and the hare hobbled into the cover. I
+could see her tremble. The same sort of torture is inflicted when hares
+are bundled out of an enclosure with the rapidity and precision of
+machinery. There is a wild flurry, an agony of one minute or so, and all
+is over.
+
+The mystery of man's cruelty is inexplicable to me; I feel the mad
+blood pouring hard when the quarry rushes away, and the snaky dogs dash
+from the slips; no thought of pity enters my mind for a time because the
+mysterious wild-man instinct possesses me, and so I suppose that the
+primeval hunter is ignobly represented by the people who go to see
+rabbit coursing. We have been refining and refining, and educating the
+people for a good while; yet our popular sports seems to grow more and
+more cruel. We do not bait bulls now, but we worry hares and rabbits by
+the gross, we massacre scores of pretty pigeons--sweet little birds that
+are slaughtered without a sign of fair play.
+
+Decidedly the Briton likes the savour of blood to mingle with his
+pleasures. A thousand of ordinary men will gather at Gateshead or Hanley
+and howl with delight when two wiry whippets worry a stupefied rabbit.
+They are decent fellows in their way, and they generally have a rigid
+idea of fairness; but they fail to see the unfairness of hooking a
+rabbit out of a sack and setting him to run for his life in an enclosure
+from which he cannot possibly escape. Pastimes that do not involve the
+death of something or the wagering of money are accounted tame. It is
+one of the riddles that make me wish I could not think at all. I give it
+up, for I am only a Loafer, and the dark problems of existence are
+beyond me.
+
+Perhaps they are beyond Mr. Herbert Spencer.
+
+Our ragged regiment met in a wide, quiet field. Nearly all my costers
+were about, and they cried "Wayo!" with cordiality. Half the company on
+the field could not muster threepence in the world; many of them were
+probably hungry; many were far gone in drink; but all were eager for
+"sport." We shall have some talk presently about the bitter ennui of the
+poor man's life. The existence of that deadly ennui never was brought
+before me so vividly as it was when I saw that queer multitude,
+forgetting hunger, cold, poverty, pain--and forgetting because they were
+about to see some rabbits worried!
+
+On a low stand stood a broad pair of scales and an immense hamper. The
+stand was watched by a red-faced merryandrew, who gibbered and yelled in
+a vigorous manner. A funny reprobate is that old person. Every hour of
+his life is given over to the search for excitement; he is never dull;
+he has a cheery word for all whom he meets; he will drink, fight, and
+even make love, with all the ardour of youth. When there is nothing more
+exciting to do, he will drive a trotter for twenty miles at break-neck
+pace. When he dies, his life's work may be easily summed up:--He drank
+so many quarts of ale; he killed so many pigeons and rabbits. Nothing
+more.
+
+My terrier made a ferocious dash at the big hamper, and I knew that our
+victims were there. Presently the dogs began to arrive, and I was amazed
+and amused to see some of the little brutes. They could no more catch a
+rabbit on fair ground than they could pull down a locomotive; but the
+long railway journey, the strange field, and the clamorous mob render
+poor Bunny almost helpless, and he gives up his life only too easily.
+The best of the terriers were beautiful wretches with iron muscles and a
+general air of courageous wickedness. Their bloodthirstiness was
+appalling; they knew exactly what was to happen, and their sharp yells
+of rapture made a din that set my head swimming. Each of them writhed
+and strained at the collar, and I caught myself wondering what the poor
+rabbits thought (can they think?) as they heard the wild chiming of
+that demon pack. In the country, when a dog gives tongue Bunny sits up
+and twirls his ears uneasily; then, even if the bark is heard from afar
+off, the little brown beast darts underground. Alas! there is no
+friendly burrow in this bleak field, and there is no chance of escape;
+for the merry roughs will soon finish any rabbit that shows the dogs a
+clean pair of heels.
+
+The ceremony of weighing was completed in a dignified way, and the first
+brace of dogs went to the slipper. One was a sprightly smooth terrier,
+with a long, richly-marked head; he was quivering with anticipation, and
+his demeanour offered a marked contrast to that of the dour, composed
+brute pitted against him. The rabbit was lifted out of the hamper by one
+of those greasy nondescript males, who are always to be seen when pigeon
+shooting or coursing is going on. The greasy being held the rabbit by
+the ears, and put it temptingly near the dogs. The sprightly terrier
+went clean demented; the sullen one stood with thoughtful earnestness
+waiting for a chance to catch the start. When the rabbit was put down it
+cowered low and seemed trying to shrink into the ground; its ears were
+pressed hard back, its head was pressed closely to the grass, and it was
+huddled in an ecstasy of terror. Of course that is quite usual, but we
+practical sportsmen cannot waste time over the sentimental terrors of a
+rabbit. The greasy man uttered a howl, and Bunny started up, ran in a
+circle, and then set off for the fence. I was struck by the animal's
+mode of running. For hours I have watched them feeding, at early morning
+or sundown, and I have noticed that as they shifted from place to place
+they moved with a slow kind of hop, gathering their hind legs under them
+at each stride. When Bunny is on his own ground he is one of the fastest
+of four-footed things. He lays himself down to the ground, and travels
+at such a terrific pace for about forty yards that he looks like a mere
+streak on the ground. I never yet saw a terrier that could turn a rabbit
+unless Bunny was imprudent enough to wander more than one hundred yards
+from home. But this wretched brute in our field was moving at the pace
+proper to feeding time, and, judging by its deliberate sluggishness, it
+seemed to be inviting death. When the short pitter-patter of the
+terriers' feet sounded on the grass, Bunny made a clumsy attempt to
+quicken his pace; the leading dog plunged at him, and by a convulsive
+effort the rabbit managed to swirl round and get clear. Then the second
+dog shot in; then came one or two quick, nervous jerks from side to
+side; then the beaten creature faltered, and was instantly seized and
+swung into the air. A good wild rabbit would have been half-way across
+the next field, but that unhappy invalid had no chance.
+
+The other courses were of much the same character, for the rabbit, being
+used to run on a beaten path, has not the resource and dexterity of the
+hare. One strong specimen distanced the pair of tiny weeds that were set
+after him, but the pack of roughs were whooping at the border of the
+field, and the doomed rabbit was soon clutched and pocketed.
+
+The betting was furious; a few hard-faced, well-dressed men did their
+wagering quietly and to heavy amounts, but the mob yelled and squabbled
+and cursed after their usual manner, and they were all ready to drink
+when we returned. This is a fair description of rabbit coursing, and I
+leave influential persons to decide as to whether or no it is a useful
+or improving form of entertainment. I have my doubts, but must be
+severely impartial. I will say this, however, that if any one of us had
+spent the afternoon over a good novel, or something of that kind, he
+would have been taken out of himself, and, when he rose, his mind would
+have been filled with quiet and gracious thoughts. Our gang were
+suffering from a form of the lust for blood; they were thirsty, and they
+were possessed by that species of excitement which makes a man ready to
+turn savage on any, or no, provocation.
+
+The bar was like the place of damned souls until eight o'clock:
+everybody roared at the top of his voice; nobody listened to anybody
+else, and everybody drank more or less feverishly. We had a supper to
+celebrate the destruction of the rabbits, and afterwards the truculent
+gentlemen, who had bellowed so vigorously in the field, sang sentimental
+songs about "Mother, dear mother," "Stay with me, my darling, stay," or
+patriotic songs referring to an article of drapery known as "The Flag of
+Old Hengland."
+
+For half-an-hour our intricate choruses resounded as we went in groups
+deviously homeward, and a few members of our sporting flock dotted the
+paths at wide intervals.
+
+That kind of thing goes on all over the country in the winter time. It
+is not for me to preach, but I must say that it seems to be a barren
+kind of game. Can any man of the crowd think kindly or clearly about any
+subject under the sun? I fancy not. My own real idea of the character of
+the various mobs that see the rabbits die is such that I could not
+venture to frame it in words. The sport is so mean, so trivial, so
+purposeless, that I should go a long way to avoid seeing it now that I
+know the subject well.
+
+And that unspeakably atrocious pettiness forms the only relaxation of a
+very considerable number of Englishmen. If any member of a corporation
+were to propose that a great hall should be opened free, and that good
+music should be provided at the expense of the community, I suppose
+there would be a deal of grumbling; but I am ready to prove that
+expenses indirectly caused by our mad "sporting" would more than cover
+the cost of a rational spell of pleasure.
+
+Honourable gentlemen and worthy aldermen are allowing a great mass of
+people to remain in a brutalised condition; those people only derive
+pleasure from the suffering of dumb creatures.
+
+How will it be if the callous crew take it into their heads at some or
+other to show restiveness? Will they deal gently or thoughtfully with
+those against whom their enmity is turned? Certainly their education by
+no means tends to foster gentleness and thoughtfulness. If I were a
+statesman instead of a Loafer, I reckon I should try might and main to
+humanise those neglected folk--and they _are_ neglected--before they
+teach some of us a terrific lesson.
+
+I see that one "Walter Besant" has some capital notions concerning the
+subject which I have ventured to touch on. If he were a rough--as I am
+during much of my time--he would be able to talk more to the purpose.
+Still, I deliberately say that that novelist, who is often treated as a
+moony creature, is a very wise and practical statesman, and he has used
+his opportunities well. If powerful people do not very soon pay heed to
+his message, they will have reason for regret.
+
+The worst of it is that one is constantly being forced to wonder whether
+culture is of any use. For instance, on the day after the coursing, I
+fell in with a smart lad who loafs about race meetings, and who
+sometimes visits the landlord's parlour at the Chequers. He has been a
+year out of Oxford, and he is rather a pretty hand at classics; yet he
+tries to look and talk like a jockey, and his mother has to keep him
+because he won't do any work. A shrewd little thing he is, and this is
+how we talked:--
+
+"Shall I drive you over to the meeting to-morrow?"
+
+"If you like."
+
+"We can do a bit together if you'll dress yourself decently. Barrett
+says there's a new hunter coming out. It could win the Cesarewitch with
+8st. 4lb., but they mean keeping his hunter's certificate. Put a bit
+on."
+
+"Wait till we see."
+
+"Lord! If I could get the mater to part--only a pony--I'd buy a satchel
+and start bookmaking in the half-crown ring myself. It's Tom Tiddler's
+ground if you've got a nut on you."
+
+"Queer work for a 'Varsity man?"
+
+"Deed sight better than bear-leading, or going usher in a school. Fun!
+Change! Fly about! What more do you want?"
+
+"Do you like to hear the ring curse? Dick and Alf often make me
+goose-skinned."
+
+"What matter, so you cop the ready?"
+
+"Do you read now?"
+
+"Not such a Juggins. I think my Oxford time was all wasted. Of course, I
+liked to hear Jowett palaver, and it was quiet and nice enough; but give
+me life. Bet all day; dinner at the Rainbow, Pav., or Trocadéro, and
+Globe to finish up. That's life!"
+
+If anyone had chances this youth had them, and now his ambition is to
+bet half-crowns with the riddlings of Creation. This universe is getting
+to be a little too much for me. Come down, pipe; I shall go in the
+Chequers parlour to-night, and play the settled citizen.
+
+
+
+
+MERRY JERRY AND HIS FRIENDS.
+
+
+I never saw such a cheerful face as Jerry's. Master Blackey can smile
+and smile; he can smile on me even now, though I know almost to a
+certainty that it was he who left that discoloured ring round my throat
+not long ago. But Blackey can scowl also, whereas Jerry never ceases to
+look benignant and jolly. He is a fine young fellow is Jerry, six feet
+high, straight as a lance, ruddy, clear-skinned, and with the bluest,
+brightest eye you can see. When he walks he is upright and stately as
+the best of Guardsmen, without any military stiffness; when he spars he
+is active as a leopard, and his mode of landing with his left is at once
+terrible and artistic. Sometimes he drinks a little too much, and then
+his sweet smile becomes fatuous, but he never is unpleasant. The girls
+from the factory admire him sincerely; they call him Merry Jerry, and
+he accepts their homage with serenity. He never takes the trouble to
+show any deference towards his admirers; their amorous glances and
+giggling are inevitable tributes to his fascinations, and he takes it
+all as a matter of course. Like Blackey and the Ramper, Jerry never does
+any work, and he is supposed to have private means. His speech is quite
+correct, and even elegant, and although he does not converse on exalted
+topics, he is a singularly pleasant companion in his way. Most of his
+talk is about horse-racing, and he never reads anything but the sporting
+papers. In that taste he resembles most of those who go to The Chequers.
+The wrangling, the cursing, the whispered confidences that make up the
+nightly volume of noise nearly all have reference to racing subjects.
+The raggedest wretch at the bar puts on horsey airs when any great race
+is to be decided; he may not know a horse from a mule, but he invariably
+volunteers his opinion, and if he can raise a shilling he backs his
+fancy. Polite gentlemen in Parliament and elsewhere do not appear to
+know that there are something like one million British adults whose
+chief interest in life (apart from their necessary daily work) is
+centred on racing. I think I know almost every town in England, and I
+never yet in all my wanderings settled at an inn without finding that
+betting of some sort or other formed the main subject of conversation.
+Hundreds of times--literally hundreds--I have known whole evenings
+devoted to discussing the odds. The gamblers were usually men who did
+not care to see horses gallop; they chatted about names, and that
+satisfied them. A clerk, a mechanic, a tradesman, a traveller, a
+publican asks his friend what he has done over such and such a race,
+just as he asks after the friend's health. It is taken for granted that
+everybody bets, and really intelligent fellows will stare at you in
+astonishment if you say that you are not interested in the result of a
+race. If I chose to make a book--only dealing in small sums--I could
+contrive to win a fair amount every week by merely "betting to figures."
+The bookmaker does not need to visit a racecourse; he is required to
+work out a sort of algebraical problem on each race, and, by exercising
+a little shrewdness, he may leave himself a small balance on every
+event. Small sums in silver are always forthcoming to almost any
+extent, and a clever man who has no more than £100 capital to start with
+may pitch his tent almost anywhere, and make sure of getting plenty of
+custom. People speak of the Italians as gamblers, but in Italy gambling
+is not nearly so prevalent as in England. In Manchester alone one
+sporting journal has a morning and evening edition, and there are daily
+papers in most of the large Yorkshire towns. In the North-country I have
+often watched the workmen during the breakfast half-hour, and found that
+they did not care a rush for anything in the paper save the sporting
+news. In London two great journals are published daily, and twice a week
+each of them issues a double number. Every line of these papers is
+devoted to sport, and each of them is a rich estate to the proprietor.
+
+The mania for betting grows more acute every day, the number of wealthy
+bookmakers increases, and the national demoralisation has reached a
+depth which would seem inconceivable to anyone who has not lived with
+all sorts and conditions of men. A racing man is apt to become incapable
+of concentrating his mind on anything except his one pursuit. Hundreds
+of thoughtful and cultured people race a little and bet a little by way
+of relaxation; but these take no harm. It is the ignorant, ill-balanced
+folk, without higher interests, who suffer.
+
+Well-meaning persons spend money on respectable institutes for working
+men, but the men do not care for staid, dull proceedings after their
+work is over; they want excitement. A moderately heavy bet supplies them
+with a topic for conversation; it gives them all the keen pleasures of
+anticipation as the day of the race draws near, and when they open the
+paper to see the final result they are thrilled just as a gambler is
+thrilled when he throws the dice. No wonder that the mild and moral
+places of recreation are left empty; no wonder that the public-houses
+are well filled. If I were asked to name two things which interest the
+English nation to the supreme degree, I should say--first, Sport;
+second, Drink. If the strongest Ministry that ever took office attempted
+to make betting a criminal offence, they would be turned out in a month.
+Betting is now not a casual amusement, but a serious national pursuit.
+The perfect honesty with which payments are made by agents is amazing.
+A man who bets on commission for others may have £100,000 to lay out on
+a race; every farthing is accounted for, and dishonesty among the higher
+grades of the betting brotherhood is practically unknown. It is this
+rigid observance of the point of honour that tempts people like our gang
+in The Chequers bar to risk their shillings; they know that if they make
+a right guess their payment is safe. The statesman who called the turf
+"a vast instrument of national demoralization" was quite right, and if
+he could have lived to take a tour round the country in this year of
+grace he would have seen the flower of his nation given over to mean
+frivolity.
+
+Jerry has tutored me in racing matters. He has not a thought that is not
+derived from the columns of the sporting prints, and his life is passed
+mainly in searching like a staunch terrier for "certainties." When he is
+disposed to be communicative, he soon gathers quite an audience in The
+Chequers, and should he drop a phrase like "George Robinson said to me,
+'I've made my own book for Highflyer,'" or "Charley White, the Duke's
+Motto, wouldn't lay Mountebank any more," the awe-stricken costers
+stare. Here is a man, a regular toff, and no error--a man who knows
+such Ringmen as Robinson and White--and yet he will speak to ordinary
+coves without exhibiting the least pride!
+
+Jerry has taken me round to the best haunts where gallant sportsmen
+assemble, and for some mysterious reason, his escort has secured for me
+the most flattering deference. Queer holes he knows by the score. I
+thought I had seen most things; but I find I am a babe compared with
+Jerry. He once said to me, "Would you like to see a couple of lads
+set-to? Real good 'uns." I had seen a great number of encounters; but my
+two pounds handed over to Jerry procured me a sight of a battle which
+was the most desperate affair I ever witnessed. But for the close,
+oppressive atmosphere of the room where the fight took place, the whole
+business would have been interesting. The spectators were well dressed
+and well behaved, the boxers were beautiful athletes, and there was
+nothing repulsive about the swift exchange of lightning blows until the
+baking heat began to tell on the men; then it was disagreeable to see
+two gallant fellows panting and labouring for breath. We often hear
+that boxing is discredited. Rubbish! Ask Jerry about that, and you will
+learn that any company of men who care to subscribe £25 may see a combat
+wherein science, courage, and endurance are all displayed lavishly.
+
+Jerry was much interested in dog fighting, which latter pleasing pastime
+is enjoyed quite freely in London to an extent that would amaze the
+gentlemen who rejoice over the decline of brutality in Britain.
+
+The competitive instinct which once found vent in fighting and conquest
+now works on other lines. The Englishman must be engaged in a contest,
+or he is unhappy, and, since he cannot now compete sword to sword with
+his fellow-creatures, he fights purse to purse instead. All these things
+I knew in a vague way, but Jerry has made my knowledge definite and
+secure.
+
+As for the man himself, I soon found that his "private means" were taken
+in various ways from other people's pockets. During a chat, he said,
+"You know you're not what you pretend to be. You hang about there, and
+you bet, but you never bet enough to make anything at it. You must have
+the coins, for I've seen you spend a quid in two hours in the
+skittle-alley. But you don't seem to best anybody. What _is_ your game?
+You may as well tell me."
+
+"I amuse myself in my own way, and I don't care to let the school know
+much about me."
+
+"Well, my game's very simple. Only a juggins or a horse ever works, and
+I don't intend to do any. It's just as easy to be idle as not. You take
+the fellows in town that make their living after dark, and you always
+see them having good times. There's some red-hot ones up--you know
+where--in Piccadilly; they never get about till close on dinner time,
+but they make up for lost time when they _are_ about. I should like to
+work with you. If you were to come out a bit flash like me, why, with
+your looks and your talk and that _educated_ kind of way you've got, you
+might coin money."
+
+"But you wouldn't care to work the Embankment and run the risk of the
+cat, as those Piccadilly chaps do?"
+
+"No fear. But you could do better than that. When you're boozed you're
+not in it--you lose your head; but when you're right you make fellows
+wonder what you are. Sink me! A flat would pal on to you in half an hour
+if you coaxed him, as you can do it."
+
+Jerry is an amusing philosopher, who could only have been developed in
+the rottenness of a decadence. Fancy an able-bodied, attractive fellow
+living with ease from day to day without doing a stroke of honest
+labour. He keeps clear of the police; he gratifies every want, yet he
+has the intellect of a flash potman and the manners of a valet. The
+tribe swarm in this city, and I reckon that they will teach us something
+when the overturn comes. They are strong and cunning predatory animals,
+who will direct weak and stupid predatory animals, and when the entire
+predatory tribe smash the flimsy bonds with which society holds them in
+check for the present, then stand by for ugly times.
+
+I hate the revolver, but I am glad that I took to carrying one in time.
+Jerry and I grew so intimate, and I saw so much of his inner mind, that
+I judged it better to make no midnight excursions in his company without
+being ready for accidents. He is most humorous when he has wine in him,
+and his humour is a shade too grim for my taste.
+
+We came home lately in a cab, after seeing a pretty little light-weight
+from Birmingham receive a severe dressing at the hands of a pocket
+Hercules from Bethnal Green. Jerry was in wild spirits, and his usual
+charming smile had broadened into a grin. Nothing would suit him but
+that I should go to his rooms.
+
+"My aunt keeps house for me, and she's sure to be up, and my sister's
+there as well."
+
+The notion of Jerry's dwelling calmly with his aunt and his sister was
+very touching, and my curiosity was roused. The aunt turned out to be a
+placid woman with a low voice; the sister was too florid and loud for my
+fancy. We played at whist, and in the intervals between the games we
+tested Jerry's wine. He has a singularly good selection. The florid
+nymph was reserved and coy at first, but as the wine mounted she rather
+astonished me by her choice of expletives. The merry one had become
+business-like, and that sweet smile was gone. As I looked at him I
+gradually understood that I had once more made a fool of myself, and I
+vowed that if I got out safely I would go to The Chequers no more.
+Over-confidence is a bad fault in a prize-fighter: it is worse than that
+in the case of a man who wishes to hold his own among London sharps.
+Blackey had the best of me, and now I was in for a much worse business,
+Jerry the Amiable drank ostentatiously, and he was evidently priming
+himself; the sister waxed effusive, and the aunt took care that the
+points were steadily increased. In the early morning the Amiable
+suggested that I should stay, but I would not have slept under the same
+roof with him for gold. He then ordered his relatives off to bed, and
+they slunk away rather like dogs than ladies. Jerry was a masterful man.
+When all was quiet I rose to take my hat, whereupon Jerry remarked,
+"You're not going that way, are you?"
+
+"Must go home before it's too light."
+
+"You'll have another drink?"
+
+"No."
+
+"But you will!"
+
+The Amiable was really extremely exacting.
+
+"Thanks. Good morning."
+
+Jerry locked the door, and put his back to it. Then he softly said,
+"You've come home and taken my liquor; you flirt with my sister, and
+you're going away without leaving so much as a bit of gold. I'm not such
+a fool as Blackey. I know your aunt. I can send a newspaper to her
+address, and cook _your_ goose. Suppose I make a row. I can do that, and
+we'll both be taken up for brawling outside a house of ill-fame. It
+won't matter to me; I'm used to it. But you'll be spoofed. Now, share up
+with an old pal, and I'll keep dark."
+
+I had contrived to edge away from him, and I had time to produce the
+detestable firearm in a leisurely way.
+
+"You're very kind, Jerry, my lad. I'll stay at this side of the room,
+and I shan't fire so long as you keep still. If you try to strike or put
+your hand in your pocket I shall pull on you; If you care to raise your
+arms over your head and move to the right-hand corner of the room I'll
+go quietly."
+
+Jerry reckoned up all the chances and finally edged away from the door.
+
+"Hands up, Jerry."
+
+He obeyed, and I escaped into the street. Jerry is a coward at bottom,
+or he might have known that I dare not fire.
+
+He met me the very next day, and he wore the usual free, gay smile. He
+held out his hand and flashed his teeth: "Forget that nonsense last
+night, old pal. When the booze is in--you know the rest. I was only
+having a lark. What'll you have? We shall be glad to see you round
+again."
+
+But Mr. Landlord had dropped a word to me only half an hour before. Said
+Mr. Landlord, in answer to a little careless pumping, "Oh, Jerry? Well,
+it ain't no business of mine, but if it wasn't for the girls he'd have
+mighty few flash top-coats, nor beefsteaks neither for that matter."
+
+Alas! Jerry, the smiling, delightful youth, is one of those odious pests
+who hang about in sporting company, and who are contemned and shunned by
+respectable racing men. Said a grave turfite to me last week, "Call
+_those_ sportsmen! I'd--I'd--" but he could not invent a doom horrid
+enough for them, so he changed the subject with a mighty snort.
+
+There is no knowing what gentlemen like Jerry will do. To call them
+scoundrels is to flatter them: they are brigands, and the knifing,
+lounging rascals of Sicily and Calabria are mere children in villany
+compared with their English imitators. Places like The Chequers are the
+hunting-grounds of creatures like Jerry, and the bait of drink draws the
+victims thither ready to be sacrificed. A month ago four of Jerry's gang
+most heartlessly robbed a publican who had sold his business. He had the
+purchase-money in his pocket, and the fellows drugged him. He ought to
+have known better, seeing how often he had watched the brigands
+operating on other people; but as he lost £700, and as his assailants
+are still at large with their shares of the spoil, we must not reproach
+him or add to his misery.
+
+I picked out Jerry for portraiture because he is a fairly typical
+specimen of a bad--a very bad--set. When the history of our decline and
+fall comes to be Written by some Australian Gibbon, the historian may
+choose the British bully and turfite to set alongside of the awful
+creatures who preyed on the rich fools of wicked old Rome.
+
+
+
+
+THE GENTLEMAN, THE DOCTOR, AND DICKY.
+
+
+We have had enough of the roughs for a time, and I want now to deal with
+a few of the wrecks that I see--wrecks that started their voyage with
+every promise of prosperity. Let no young fellow who reads what follows
+fancy that he is safe. He may be laborious; an unguarded moment after a
+spell of severe work may see him take the first step to ruin. He may be
+brilliant: his brilliancy of intellect, by causing him to be courted,
+may lead him into idleness, and idleness is the bed whereon parasitic
+vices flourish rankly. Take warning.
+
+I was invited to go for a drive, but I had letters to write, and said
+so. A quiet old man who was sitting in the darkest corner of the bar
+spoke to me softly, "If your letters are merely about ordinary
+business, you may dictate them to me here, and I will transcribe them
+and send them off." I replied that I could do them as quickly myself.
+The old man smiled. "You do not send letters in shorthand. I can take a
+hundred and forty words a minute, and you can do your correspondence and
+go away." The oddity of the proposal attracted me. I agreed to dictate.
+The old man took out his notebook, and in ten minutes the work was done.
+We came back in an hour, and by that time each letter was transcribed in
+a beautiful, delicate longhand. I handed the scribe a shilling, and he
+was satisfied. The Gentleman, as we called him, writes letters for
+anyone who can spare him a glass of liquor or a few coppers; but I had
+never tested his skill before. There was no one in the bar, so I sat
+down beside the old man, and we talked.
+
+"You seem wonderfully clever at shorthand. I am surprised that you
+haven't permanent work."
+
+"It would do me little good. I can go on for a long time, but when my
+fit comes on me I am not long in losing any job. They won't have me,
+friend--they won't have me."
+
+"You've been well employed, then, in your time?"
+
+"No one better. If I had command of myself, I might have done as well in
+my way as my brother has in his. I could beat him once, and I was quite
+as industrious as he was; but, when I came to the crossroads, I took the
+wrong turning, and here I am."
+
+"May I ask how your brother succeeded? I mean--what is he?"
+
+"He is Chief Justice ----."
+
+I found that this was quite true; indeed, the Gentleman was one of the
+most veracious men I have known.
+
+"Does your brother know how you are faring?"
+
+"He did know, but I never trouble him. He was a good fellow to me, and I
+have never worried him for years. I prefer to be dead to the world. I
+have haunted this place, as you know, for six months; to-morrow I may
+make a change, and live in another sty."
+
+"But surely you could get chance work that would keep you in decent
+clothes and food."
+
+"I do get many chance jobs; but if the money amounts to much I am apt to
+be taken up as drunk and incapable."
+
+The sweet, quiet smile which accompanied this amazing statement was
+touching. The old man had a fine, thoughtful face, and only a slight
+bulbousness of the nose gave sign of his failing. Properly dressed, he
+would have looked like a professor, or doctor, or something of that
+kind. As it was, his air of good breeding and culture quite accounted
+for the name the people gave him. I should have found it impossible to
+imagine him in a police-cell had I not been a midnight wanderer for
+long.
+
+"How did you come to learn shorthand?"
+
+"My father was a solicitor in large practice, and I found I could assist
+him with the confidential correspondence, so I took lessons in White's
+system for a year. My father said I was his right hand. Ah! He gave me
+ten pounds and two days' holiday at Brighton when I took down his first
+letter."
+
+"Have you been a solicitor?"
+
+"No. I had an idea of putting my name down at one of the Inns, but I
+went wrong before anything came of the affair."
+
+"You say you have had good employment. But how did you contrive to
+separate from your father?"
+
+"Oh! I wore out his patience. I was so successful that I thought it safe
+to toast my success. We were in a south-country town--Sussex, you
+know--and I began by hanging about the hotel in the market-place. Then I
+played cards at night with some of the fast hands, and was useless and
+shaky in the mornings. Then I began to have periodical fits of
+drunkenness; then I became quite untrustworthy, and last of all I robbed
+my father during a bad fit, and we parted."
+
+"And then?"
+
+"I picked up odd jobs for newspapers, or sponged on my brother. At last
+I was sent to the House as reporter, and did very well until one night
+when Palmerston was expected to make an important speech. My turn came,
+and I was blind and helpless. Since then I have been in place after
+place, but the end was always the same, and I have learned that I am a
+hopeless, worthless wretch."
+
+"But couldn't your brother, for his own credit's sake, keep you in his
+house and put you under treatment?"
+
+"My good friend, I should die under it. I revel in degradation. I
+luxuriate in self-contempt. My time is short, and I want to pass it away
+speedily. This life suits me, for I seldom have my senses, and there is
+only the early morning to dread. I think then--think, think, think.
+Until I can scrape together my first liquor I see ugly things. I should
+be in my own town with my grandchildren round me. I might have been on
+the Bench, like my brother, and all men would have respected me as they
+do him. Sons and daughters would have gathered round me when I came to
+my last hour. I gave it all up in order to sluice my throat with brandy
+and gin. That is the way I think in the morning. Then I take a glass, or
+beg one, as I shall from you presently, and then I forget. Once I went
+out to commit suicide, and took three whiskies to string my nerve up. In
+two minutes I was laughing at a Punch and Judy show. If you'll kindly
+order a quartern of gin in a pint glass for me, I'll fill it up and be
+quite content all the evening. No one ill-uses me. I'm a soft, harmless,
+disreputable old ne'er-do-well. That is all."
+
+We drank, and then the Gentleman said, "You come here a good deal too
+much. Your hand was not quite right yesterday morning. Usually you keep
+right, and I really don't know how far you are touched. If I had your
+youth and your appearance, I think I should save myself in time by a
+bold step. Join the temperance people and work publicly; then you are
+committed, and you can't step back."
+
+"But you don't think that I am likely to go to the dogs? I loaf around
+here because I have no ambition, and my life was settled for me; but I
+have command over myself."
+
+"You _had_ command over yourself, you mean. I think you are in great
+danger--very great indeed. My good friend, there are _no_ exceptions.
+Meet me to-night, or say to-morrow, as I am to be drunk to-night; go to
+the beer-house at the end of my street, and I'll show you something."
+
+Just then the Ramper came up and hailed the Gentleman. "Here you old
+swine! Are you sober enough to scratch off a letter?"
+
+"I'm all right."
+
+"Well, then, write to the usual, and tell him to put me on half-a-quid
+Sunshine, and half-a-quid Dartmoor a shop--s.p. both."
+
+Thus our conversation was stopped, and the brother of a judge earned
+twopence by writing a letter for a racecourse thief.
+
+Next night I went to a very shady public-house, and the Gentleman led me
+into a dirty room, where a little old man was sitting alone. The man was
+crooked, wizened, weak, and his bare toes stuck out of both shoes; his
+half-rotten frock coat gaped at the breast and showed that he had no
+shirt on; his hat must have been picked up from a dustheap, for it was
+filthy, and broken in three or four places.
+
+"For mercy's sake, give me a mouthful of something!" said this object,
+turning the face of a mummy towards me. His dim eyes were rheumy, and
+his chin trembled. An awful sight!
+
+In a flash I remembered him, and cried, "What, Doctor!"
+
+He said, "I don't know you; my memory's gone. Send for twopenn'orth or a
+penn'orth of beer. Pray do."
+
+My young friends, that man who begged for a pennyworth of muddy ale was
+first of all a brilliant soldier, then a brilliant lawyer, then a
+brilliant historian. His doctor's degree--he was Doctor of Laws--was
+gained by fair hard work. Think of that, and then look at my picture of
+the sodden, filthy scarecrow! Yes; that man began my education, and had
+I only gone straight on I should not be loafing about The Chequers. You
+ask how he could have anything to do with my education? Well, long ago I
+was a little bookworm, living in a lonely country house, and I had the
+run of some good shelves. I was only nine years old, but a huge history
+in two volumes attracted me most. I read and read that book until I
+could repeat whole pages easily, and even now I can go off at score if
+you give me a start.
+
+The Scarecrow wrote that history!
+
+Years afterwards I was fighting my way in London, and had charge of a
+journal which made a name in its day. Sometimes I had to deal with a
+message from a Minister of State, sometimes with a petition from a
+starving penny-a-liner. One day a little man was shown into my room,
+which room was instantly scented with whisky. He was well introduced,
+and I said, "Are you the Doctor ---- who wrote the 'History of ----'?"
+
+"I am, sir, and proud I shall be to write for you."
+
+"What can you do?"
+
+"Here's a specimen."
+
+The MS. was a bundle of bills from a public-house, and the blank side
+was utilised. The Doctor never wasted money on paper when he could avoid
+it. The stuff was feeble, involved, useless. My face must have fallen,
+for the piteous Scarecrow said, "I have not your approval."
+
+"We cannot use this."
+
+Bending forward and clasping his hands, he said, "Could you not give me
+two shillings for it? There are two columns good. A shilling a column;
+surely that can't hurt you."
+
+"I'll give you two shillings, and you can come back again if you are
+needy, but the MS. is of no use to us."
+
+He took the money, and returned again and again for more. I found that
+he used to put fourpence in one pocket to meet the expense of his
+lodging-house bed, and he bought ten two-pennyworths of gin with the
+rest of the money. He always asked for two shillings, and always got
+it. I was not responsible for his mode of spending it.
+
+And now the Doctor had turned up in the region of The Chequers. He was
+piteously, doggishly thankful for his drink, and he cried as he bleated
+out his prayers for my good health. Men cry readily when they come to be
+in the Doctor's condition. I asked him to take some soup. "I'm no great
+eater," he said; "but I'd like just one more with you--only one."
+
+"Where do you lodge, Doctor?"
+
+"To tell you the truth, I'm forced to put up with a berth in the old
+fowl-house at the bottom of the garden here. They let me stay there, but
+'tis cold--cold."
+
+"Do you work at all now?"
+
+"Sometimes. But there is little doing--very little."
+
+"How did you come to cease practising at the Bar, Doctor?"
+
+"How do I come to be here? 'Tis the old thing--the old thing--and has
+been all along."
+
+This poor wretch could not be allowed to go about half-naked, so I let
+the potman run out and get him a slop suit. (The Doctor sold the
+clothes next day for half-a-crown, and was speechless when I went to see
+him.) A hopeless, helpless wretch was the Doctor--the most hopeless I
+ever knew. He entered the army, early in life, and for a time he was
+petted and courted in Dublin society. The man was handsome,
+accomplished, and brilliantly clever, and success seemed to follow him.
+He sold out of the army and went to the Bar, where he succeeded during
+many years. No one could have lived a happier, fuller, or more fruitful
+life than he did before he slid into loose habits. His only pastime was
+the pursuit of literature, and he finished his big history of a certain
+great war while he was in full practice at the Chancery Bar. Power
+seemed to reside in him; fortune poured gifts on him; and he lost all.
+In an incredibly short space of time he drank away his practice, his
+reputation, his hopes of high honour, his last penny.
+
+Thus it was that my historian came to beg of me for that muddy
+penn'orth.
+
+I may as well finish the Doctor's story. If I were writing fiction the
+tale would be scouted as improbable, yet I am going to state plain
+facts. A firm of lawyers hunted up the Doctor, and informed him that he
+had succeeded to the sum of £30,000. There was no mistake about the
+matter; the long years of vile degradation, the rags, the squalor, the
+scorn, of men were all to disappear. The solicitors dressed the Doctor
+properly and advanced him money; he set off for Ireland to make some
+necessary arrangements, and he solemnly swore that he would become a
+total abstainer. At Swindon he chose to break his journey, took to
+drinking, and kept on for many hours. It was long since he had had such
+a chance of unlimited drink, and he greedily seized it. When he went to
+bed he took a bottle with him, and in the morning he was dead.
+Suffocated by alcohol, they said. He had no living soul related to him,
+and I believe his money went to the Crown.
+
+I have written this last fragment on separate sheets, and my journal is
+interleaved for the first time.
+
+The Gentleman and I became very friendly. I never tried to keep him from
+drinking: it was useless. When he was sober his company was pleasant,
+and I was very sorry when he mysteriously migrated, and many of our crew
+missed his help badly.
+
+Some time after the Gentleman's flight, I was in a common lodging-house
+in Holborn, and in the kitchen I met a delightful vagabond of a
+Frenchman with whom I had a long talk. He happened to say, "One of our
+old friends died last week. He was a good man, and very well bred.
+Figure it to yourself, he was brother of one of your judges!" Then I
+knew that the Gentleman had gone. I wish I could have seen him again. As
+I look back at the old leaves of my journal I seem to see that sweet,
+patient smile which he wore as he told the story of his fall. There are
+some things almost too sad to bear thinking about. This is one.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Our friend Dicky had a bad misfortune lately. I should say that Dicky is
+an oldish man, who drifted into this ugly quarter some time ago, and
+took his place in the parlour, which is a room that I now prefer to the
+bar. I was holding a friendly discussion with a butcher when a strident
+voice said, "You are absolutely and irredeemably ignorant of the
+rudiments of your subject." I started. Where had I heard that voice
+before? The man was clad in an old shooting-jacket; his trousers were
+out at the knee, and his linen was very dirty; yet there was a something
+about him--a kind of distinction--which was impressive. After launching
+his expression of contempt at us, he buried his face in his pot and took
+a mighty drink. Slowly my memory aided me, and under that knobby,
+pustuled skin I traced the features of Dicky Nash, the most dreaded
+political journalist of my time. Often I had heard that voice roaring
+blasphemies with a vigour that no other man could equal; often had I
+seen that sturdy form extended beside the editorial chair, while the
+fumes in the office told tales as to the cause of the fall. And now here
+was Dicky--ragged, dirty, and evidently down on his luck. I soon made
+friends with him by owning his superior authority, and he kindly took a
+quart of ale at my expense. This was a man who used to earn £2,000 a
+year after he resigned his University fellowship. He was the friend and
+adviser of statesmen; he might have ended as a Cabinet Minister, for no
+man ever succeeded in gauging the extent of his miraculous ability; he
+seemed to be the most powerful, as well as the most dreaded man in
+England. Woe is me! We had to carry him up to bed; and he stayed on
+until he spent a three-guinea cheque, which Mr. Landlord cashed for him.
+
+I knew no good would come of his Fleet-street games, though he used to
+laugh things off himself. He would come in about seven in the evening,
+and seat himself at his table. Then he would hiccup, "Can't write
+politics; no good. Give us a nice light subject."
+
+"Try an article on the country at this season of the year."
+
+"Good. I can't hold the damned pen. You sit down, I'll dictate: In this
+refulgent season, when the barred clouds bloom the soft dying day, it is
+pleasant to wander by the purple hedgerows where the stars of the (What
+damned flower is it that twinkles now? What do you say? Ragged Robin?
+Not poetic enough. Clematis? That'll do. Damn it, ride on!)--the stars
+of the clematis modestly twinkle, and the trailing--(What the h---- is
+it that trails? Honeysuckle? Good. Weigh in!)--trailing honeysuckle
+flings down that rich scent that falls like sweet music on the
+nerves.'"
+
+And so on. He managed in this way to turn out the regulation column of
+flummery, but I knew it could not last. And now he had come to be a sot
+and an outcast. Worse has befallen him. He screwed up his nerve to write
+an article in the old style, and I helped him by acting as amanuensis.
+He violently attacked an editor who had persistently befriended him;
+then he wrote a London Letter for that editor's paper; then he sent the
+violent attack away in the envelope intended for the letter. There was a
+terrible quarrel.
+
+So far did the Gentleman, the Doctor, and Dicky come down. I may say
+that Dicky, the companion of statesmen, the pride of his university,
+died of cold and hunger in a cellar in the Borough. Oh, young man, boast
+not of thy strength!
+
+
+
+
+POACHERS AND NIGHTBIRDS.
+
+
+The Chequers stands in a very nasty place, yet we are within easy
+distance of a park which swarms with game. This game is preserved for
+the amusement of a royal duke, who is kind enough to draw about twelve
+thousand a year from the admiring taxpayer. He has not rendered any very
+brilliant service to his adopted country, unless we reckon his nearly
+causing the loss of the battle of Alma as a national benefit. He wept
+piteously during the battle of Inkerman when the Guards got into a warm
+corner, but, although he is pleasingly merciful towards Russians, he is
+most courageous in his assaults on pheasants and rabbits, and the
+country provides him with the finest sporting ground in England. I
+should not like to say how many men make money by poaching in the park,
+but we have a regular school of them at The Chequers, and they seem to
+pick up a fair amount of drink money. The temptation is great. Every one
+of these poaching fellows has the hunter's instinct strongly developed,
+and neither fines nor gaol can frighten them. The keepers catch one
+after another, but the work goes on all the same. You cannot stop men
+from poaching, and there is an end of the matter. You may shout yourself
+hoarse in trying to bring a greyhound to heel after he sights a hare;
+but the dog _cannot_ obey you, for he is an automaton. The human
+predatory animal has his share of reason, but he also is automatic to
+some degree, and he will hunt in spite of all perils and all punishments
+when he sights his prey. One comic old rascal whom I know well has been
+caught thirty times and imprisoned eight times. While he is in gaol he
+always occupies himself in composing songs in praise of poaching, and on
+the evening of his release he is invariably called on to furnish the
+company in the tap-room with his new composition. He cannot read or
+write, but he learns his songs by heart, and I have taken down a large
+number of them from his own lips. The things are much like Jemmy
+Catnach's stuff, so far as rhyme and rhythm are concerned, but they are
+interesting on account of the sly exultation that runs through them.
+
+In one poem the lawless bard gives an account of a day's life in gaol,
+and his coarse phrases make you almost feel the cold and hunger. Here
+are some scraps from this descriptive work:--
+
+    "Till seven we walk around the yard,
+    There is a man all to you guard.
+    If you put your hand out so,
+    Untoe the guv'nor you must go;
+    Eight o'clock is our breakfast hour,
+    Those wittles they do soon devour;
+    Oh! dear me, how they eat and stuff,
+    Lave off with less than half enough.
+    Nine o'clock you mount the mill,
+    That you mayn't cramp from settin' still.
+    If that be ever so against your will,
+    You must mount on the traädin' mill.
+    There is a turnkey that you'll find
+    He is a raskill most unkind.
+    To rob poor prisoners he is that man,
+    To chaäte poor prisoners where he can.
+    At eleven o'clock we march upstairs
+    To hear the parson read the prayers.
+    Then we are locked into a pen--
+    It's almost like a lion's den.
+    There's iron bars big round as your thigh,
+    To make you of a prison shy.
+    At twelve o'clock the turnkey come;
+    The locks and bolts sound like a drum.
+    If you be ever so full of game,
+    The traädin' mill it will you tame.
+    At one you mount the mill again,
+    That is labour all in vain
+    If that be ever so wrong or right,
+    You must traäde till six at night.
+    Thursdays we have a jubal fraä
+    Wi' bread and cheese for all the day.
+    I'll tell you raälly, without consate,
+    For a hungry pig 'tis a charmin' bait.
+    At six you're locked into your cell,
+    There until the mornin' dwell;
+    There's a bed o' straw all to lay on,
+    There's Hobson's choice, there's that or none."
+
+That is a bleak picture; but the old man winds up by bidding all his
+mates "go it again, my merry boys, and never mind if they you taäke." He
+told me that on several occasions he was out ferreting, or with his
+lurcher, on the next night after coming out of prison. Can you keep such
+a fellow out of a well-stocked park? He likes the money that he gets for
+game, but what he likes far better is the wild pleasure of seeing the
+deadly dogs wind on the trail of the doomed quarry; he likes the danger,
+the strategy, the gambling chances.
+
+One night I got this old man to drive me about for some hours. He is a
+smart hand with horses, and when I said, "Can you manage without lamps
+in this dark?"--he answered, "I could find my way for twenty miles round
+here if you tie my eyes up. There's nary gate that my nets hasn't been
+under; there's hardly a field that I haven't been chased on." As our
+trotter swung on, I found that the poacher associated almost every gate
+and outhouse and copse with some wild story. For example, we passed a
+clump of farm-buildings, and the poacher said; "I had a queer job in
+there. Three of us had had a good night--a dozen hares--and we got
+half-a-crown apiece for them, so we drank all day, and came out on the
+game again at night. We put down a master lot o' wires about eleven, and
+then we takes a bottle o' rum and goes to lie down on a load of hay.
+Well, we all takes too much, and sleeps on and on. When I wakes, Lord,
+we was covered with snow, and a marcy we was alive. We dursn't go for
+our wires in the daylight, and there we has to stand and see a keeper go
+and take out three hares, one after another. It was a fortnight before I
+had a chance of picking up the wires again, and we was about perished."
+Cold, wet, and all other inconveniences are nothing to the poacher.
+
+Presently my man chuckled grimly. "Had a near shave over there where you
+see them ar' trees. I had my old dorg out one night, and two commarades
+along with me. We did werra well at that gate we just passed, so we
+tries another field. Do you think that there owd dorg 'ud go in? Not he.
+There never was such a one for 'cuteness. We was all in our poachin'
+clothes, faces blacked, women's nightcaps on, and shirts on over our
+coats. Well, the light come in the sky, and I separates from my mates,
+for I sees the owd dorg put up a hare and coorse her. I follows him, and
+he gits up for first turn; then puss begins to turn very quick to throw
+the dorg out before she made her last run to cover. He was on the scut,
+the old rip--catch him leave her--and I gits excited, and, like a fool,
+I chevies him on. In a minute I sees a man running at me, and off I goes
+for the gate. Now, I could run any man round here from 300 yards up to a
+mile; but I knew I must be took at the gate, unless I could stop the
+keeper. I had a big stick with me--about six foot long it was--and did
+sometimes to beat fuzz with; so I takes the stick by one end. He come up
+very sharp, and I made up my mind to let him gain on me. As soon as I
+_feels_ him on me, I swings round, and the stick got him on the side of
+the head. He went flat down, and I got on to the road. I picked up my
+mates, and we washes our faces in a pond; then we leaves our clothes
+with one of the school, and walks off to the pub. Half an hour after, in
+comes the keeper and says, 'See what some of you blackguards has done
+for me?' I stands him a drink and says how sorry, and we parted. Ah!
+Years after that I was at a harvest supper with that keeper, and we
+talks of that affair. I says, 'I'll tell you now, I was the man as
+knocked you over,' and he says, 'Shake hands, Tom. It was the cleanest
+thing I ever saw done.'
+
+"Do you really like the game, then?"
+
+"Like it! I'd die at it. If it wasn't for my crippled foot I'd be out
+every night now."
+
+Old Tom, the much-imprisoned man, never goes out with a gang now, but
+his influence is potent. He is the romantic poacher, and many a man has
+been set on by him. Observe that the best of these night thieves are on
+perfectly friendly terms with the keepers. If they are taken, they
+resign themselves to fate, and bear no ill-will. It is a game, and if
+the keeper makes a good move he is admired--and forgiven.
+
+Six regular poachers come daily to The Chequers, but there are many
+others hanging around who are merely amateurs. One queer customer with
+whom I have stayed out many nights is the despair of the keepers. His
+resource is inexhaustible, and his courage is almost admirable. Let me
+say--with a blush if you like--that I am a skilful poacher, and my
+generalship has met with approval from gentlemen who have often seen the
+inside of Her Majesty's prisons. Alas!
+
+One day I was much taken with the appearance of a beautiful fawn bitch,
+which lay on the seat in the room which is used by the most shady men in
+the district. Her owner was a tall, thin man, with sly grey eyes, set
+very near together, and a lean, resolute face. Doggy men are freemasons,
+and I soon opened the conversation by speaking of the pretty fawn. She
+pricked her ears, and to my amazement, they stood up like those of a
+rabbit. Such a weird, out-of-the-way head I never saw, though the dog
+looked a nice, well-trained greyhound when she had her ears laid back.
+
+I said, "Why, she's a lurcher."
+
+"She ain't all greyhound; but the best man as ever I knew always said
+there never was a prick-eared one a bad 'un."
+
+"Is she for sale?"
+
+"There ain't enough money to buy her."
+
+"She's so very good?"
+
+"Never was one like her!"
+
+I found out, when we became fast friends, that the man's statement was
+quite correct. The dog's intelligence was supernatural. For the benefit
+of innocents who do not know what poaching is like, I will give an idea
+of this one dog's depredations. The owner--the Consumptive, I call him,
+as his night work has damaged his lungs--grew very friendly one day, and
+confidential. He winked and remarked, "Now, how many do you think I've
+had this month?"
+
+"How many what?"
+
+"You know. Rabbits. Guess."
+
+I tried, and failed. The Consumptive whispered, "Well, I keeps count,
+just the same as a shopkeeper, and as true as I'm a living man I've
+taken two hundred and fifty out of that park, and averaged tenpence for
+'em."
+
+"With the one bitch?"
+
+"No. I've got a pup from her--such a pup. The old 'un's taught the baby,
+and I swear I'll never let that pup come out in daylight. They work
+together, and nothing can get away."
+
+This astounding statement was true to the letter. The dogs were like
+imps for cunning; they would hide skilfully at the very sound of a
+strange footstep, and they would retrieve for miles if necessary. I may
+say that I have seen them at work, and I earnestly wish that Frank
+Buckland could have been there.
+
+The Consumptive is a dissolute, drunken fellow, whose life is certainly
+not noble. Fancy being maintained in idleness by a couple of dogs! But
+the park is there, and the man cannot help stealing. I have seen his
+puppy, and I wish the royal duke could see her. She is a cross between
+lurcher and greyhound; her cunning head resembles that of a terrier, and
+her long, slim limbs are hard as steel. Her precious owner spends his
+days in tippling; he never reads, and, I fancy, never thinks; he goes
+forth at dusk, and his faithful dogs proceed to work for his livelihood.
+
+The Consumptive is, as I have said, a man of great resource; but he has
+for once been within a hair's breadth of disaster. When he walks across
+the park at dusk, he likes to take his wife with him, and on such
+occasions he looks like a quiet workman out for a stroll with the
+missus. He sometimes puts his arm round the lady's waist, and the couple
+look so very loving and tender. It would never do to take the raking,
+great deerhound; but the innocent little fawn dog naturally follows her
+master, and looks, oh! so demure.
+
+The lady wears a wide loose cloak, which comes to her feet, for you must
+know that the mists rise very coldly from the hollows. Then these two
+sentimentalists wend their way to a secluded quarter of the vast park,
+and presently the faithful fawn mysteriously disappears. She moves slyly
+among the bracken, and her exquisite scent serves to guide her
+unerringly as she works up wind. Presently she steadies herself, takes
+aim, and rushes! The rabbit only has time to turn once or twice before
+the savage jaws close on him, and then the fawn makes her way carefully
+towards Darby and Joan. She takes advantage of every shadow; she never
+thinks of rashly crossing open ground, and Darby has only got to stamp
+twice to make her lie down. She sneaks up, and, horror! she gives the
+rabbit to Joan. Now under that cloak there is a useful little apparatus.
+A strong strap is fastened under Joan's armpits and over her breasts.
+This strap has on it a dozen strong hooks. Joan slits away the tendons
+of the rabbit's hind legs from the bone, hangs the game on one of the
+hooks, and the lovers wend their way peacefully, while the family
+provider glides off on another murderous errand. When four or five hooks
+are occupied, the lady walks homeward with the demure dog, Darby goes
+and drinks at The Chequers till about eleven, and then the
+mouse-coloured deerhound is taken out to do her share.
+
+The fond couple were sitting on a bench under a tree, for Joan had
+fairly tired under the weight of no less than nine rabbits which were
+slung on her belt. The lurcher stole up, and quietly laid a rabbit down
+at Joan's feet; then a soft-spoken man came from behind the tree, and
+observed--
+
+"I am a policeman in plain clothes, and you must go with me to the
+keeper's cottage."
+
+But Darby, the wily one, rose to the occasion. The dog is trained to
+repudiate his acquaintance at a word, and when he said, "That's not my
+dog; get off, you brute!" the accomplished lurcher picked up the rabbit
+and vanished like lightning. Nevertheless the policeman led off Darby,
+and Joan followed. The keeper was out, but the policeman searched the
+Consumptive and found nothing.
+
+The keeper said to me--even me, "My wife tells me they brought up a man
+the other night, but he had no game on him. He had a woman with him that
+fairly made the missus tremble. She was like a bloomin' giant out of a
+show." I smiled, for the Consumptive had told me the whole tale. "My
+'art was in my mouth," he remarked, and I do not wonder. Considering
+that Joan was padded with the carcases of _nine_ rabbits under that
+enormous cloak, it was quite natural for her bulk to seem abnormal. Ah!
+if that intelligent policeman had probed the mysteries that underlay
+the cloak! I am glad he did not, for the Consumptive is a most
+entertaining beast of prey.
+
+Another of our poaching men was obliged to borrow from me the money for
+his dog licences, and in gratitude he allowed me to see his brace of
+greyhounds work at midnight. People think that greyhounds cannot hunt by
+scent, but this man has a tiny black and a large brindle that work like
+basset-hounds. They are partners, and they have apparently a great
+contempt for the rules of coursing. One waits at the bottom of a field,
+while his partner quarters the ground with the arrowy fleetness of a
+swallow. When a hare is put up by the beating dog she goes straight to
+her doom.
+
+It seems marvellous that such lawless desperadoes should be hanging
+about London; but there they are, and they will have successors so long
+as there is a head of game on the ground. The men are disreputable
+loafers; they care only for drink and the pleasures of idleness. I grant
+that. My only business is to show what a strange secret life, what a
+strange secret society, may be studied almost within sight of St.
+Paul's.
+
+The very best and most daring poacher I know lives within
+five-and-twenty minutes' journey from Waterloo. You may keep on framing
+stringent game laws as long as you choose, but you cannot kill an
+overmastering instinct.
+
+I am not prepared to say, "Abolish the Game Laws;" but I do say that
+those laws cause wild, worthless fellows to be regarded as heroes. No
+stigma whatever attaches to a man who has been imprisoned for poaching;
+he has won his Victoria Cross, and he is admired henceforth. You inflict
+a punishment which confers honour on the culprit in the eyes of the only
+persons for whose opinion he cares. Even the better sort of men who
+haunt our public-houses are glad to meet and talk with the poachers. The
+punishment gives a man a few weeks of privation and months of adulation.
+He bears no malice; he simply goes and poaches again. No burglar ever
+brags of his exploits; the poacher always boasts, and always receives
+applause.
+
+
+
+
+JIM BILLINGS.
+
+
+Few people know that large numbers of the splendid seamen who man our
+North Sea fishing fleets are arrant Cockneys. In the North-country and
+in Scotland the proud natives are accustomed to regard the Cockney as a
+being who can only be reckoned as human by very charitable persons. To
+hear a Scotch fisherman mention a "Kokenee" is an experience which lets
+you know how far scorn may really be cherished by an earnest man. The
+Northerners believe that all the manliness and hardiness in the country
+reside in their persons; but I take leave to dispute that pleasing
+article of faith, for I have seen hundreds of Londoners who were quite
+as brave and skilful sailors as any born north of the Tees. The Cockney
+is a little given to talking, but he is a good man all the same.
+
+In the smacks many lads from the workhouse schools are apprenticed, and
+some of the smartest skippers in England come originally from Mitcham or
+Sutton. Jim Billings was a workhouse boy when he first went to sea, and
+he sometimes ran up to London after his eight weeks' trips were over.
+When I first cast eyes on Jim I said quite involuntarily, "Bob Travers,
+by the living man!" The famous coloured boxer is still alive and hearty,
+and it would be hard to tell the difference between him and Jim Billings
+were it not that the prize-fighter dresses smartly. Jim doesn't; his
+huge chest is set off by a coarse white jumper; his corded arms are
+usually bared nearly to the elbow, and his vast shock of twining curls
+relieves him generally from the trouble of wearing headgear. On Sundays
+he sometimes puts on a most comfortless felt hat, but that is merely a
+chance tribute to social usage, and the ugly excrescence does not
+disfigure Jim's shaggy head for very long. Billings's father was a
+mulatto prize-fighter, who perished early from the effects of those
+raging excesses in which all men of his class indulged when they came
+out of training. The mulatto was as powerful and game a man as ever
+stripped in a twenty-four-foot ring; but he ruined his constitution with
+alcohol, and he left his children penniless. The little bullet-headed
+Jim was drafted off to the workhouse school, and from thence to a small
+fishing-smack.
+
+Does anyone ever think nowadays of the horrors that were to be seen
+among the fleets not so very long ago? It is not a wonder that any of
+the fishers had a glimmer of human feeling in them when they reached
+manhood, for no brute beast--not even a cabhorse in an Italian town--was
+ever treated as an apprentice on a smack was treated. Some of the
+sea-ruffians carried their cruelty to insane extremes, for the lust of
+blood seemed to grow upon them. It is a naked truth that there was no
+law for boys who lived on the high seas until very recent years. One
+fine, hardy seadog (that is the correct and robust way of talking) used
+to strip his apprentice, and make him go out to the bowsprit end when
+the vessel was dipping her stem in winter time. He was such a merry
+fellow, was this bold seadog, and I could make breezy, "robust" Britons
+laugh for hours by my narratives of his drolleries. He would not let
+this poor boy eat a morsel of anything until he had mixed the dish with
+excrements, and when the lad puked at the food the hardy mariner cut his
+head open with a belaying-pin or flung him down the hatchway. Sometimes
+the hardy one and the mate lashed the apprentice up in the fore-rigging,
+and they had rare sport while he squealed under the sting of the knotted
+rope's end. On one night the watch on deck saw a figure dart forward and
+spring on the rail; the contumacious boy had stripped himself, and he
+was barely saved from throwing his skinny, lacerated carcass into the
+sea. Shortly after this the youngest apprentice went below, and found
+the ill-used lad standing on a locker, and gibbering fearfully. The tiny
+boy said:
+
+"Oh! Jim, Jim, what's come to you?" but James never uttered a rational
+word more. He was sent to his mother's house at Deptford, and he went to
+bed with four other children. In the early morning the youngsters
+noticed that Jim seemed rather stiff, and he had exceedingly good
+reasons, for he was stone-dead, and doubled up. The coroner's jury
+thought that death resulted from a stoppage of the intestines. That was
+very funny indeed, for Jim's shipmates observed that as he was bruised
+and rope's-ended more and more he lost all power of retaining his food,
+and everything he swallowed passed from him undigested. Jim succumbed to
+the wholesome, manly, hardening, maritime discipline of the good old
+times, and no one was hanged for murdering him.
+
+The mind of the kindly, shoregoing man cannot rightly conceive the
+monstrosities of cruelty which were perpetrated. Fancy a boy bending
+over a line and baiting hooks for dear life while the blood from a
+fearful scalp wound drained his veins till he fainted. The lad came to
+in four hours; had he died he would have been quietly reported as washed
+overboard. If you can stand a few hours of talk from an old smacksman
+you may hear a sombre litany of horror. Those fishers are, physically,
+the flower of our race, and many of them have the noblest moral
+qualities. Knowing what I do of the old days, I wonder that the men are
+any better than desperate savages.
+
+Jim Billings endured the bitterest hardships that could befall an
+apprentice. For six years he was not allowed to have a bed, for that
+luxury was generally denied to boys. He secured a piece of old netting,
+and he used to sleep on that until it became rotten by reason of the
+salt water which drained from his clothes. On mad winter nights, when
+the sea came hurling along, and crashed thunderously on the decks, the
+smack tugged and lunged at her trawl. All round her the dark water
+boiled and roared, and the blast shrieked through the cordage with
+hollow tremors. That One who rideth on the wings of the wind lashed the
+dark sea into aimless fury, and the men on deck clung where they could
+as the smothering waves broke and seethed in wild eddies over the
+reeling vessel. At midnight the sleepers below heard the cry, "Haul, O!
+haul, haul, haul!" and they staggered to their feet in the reeking den
+of a cabin.
+
+"Does it rain?"
+
+"No, it snows."
+
+That was the fragment of dialogue which passed pretty often. Then the
+skipper inquired, "Do you want any cinder ashes?" The ashes were spread
+on the treacherous deck; the bars were fixed in the capstan, and the
+crew tramped on their chill round. Men often fell asleep at their dreary
+work, and walked on mechanically; sometimes the struggle lasted for an
+hour or two, until strong fellows were ready to lie down, and over the
+straining gang the icy wind roared and the piercing drift flew in
+vicious streams. When the big beam and the slimy net came to hand the
+worst of the work began; it often happened that a man who ran against a
+shipmate was obliged to say, "Who's that?" so dense was the darkness;
+and yet amid that impenetrable gloom the intricate gear had to be
+handled with certainty, and when the living avalanche of fish flowed
+from the great bag, it was necessary to kill, clean, and sort them in
+the dark. When the toil was over Jim Billings went below with his mates,
+and their dripping clothes soon covered the cabin floor with slush.
+
+"Surely they changed their clothes?" I fancy I hear some innocent asking
+that question. Ah! No. The smacksmen have no time for changes of
+raiment. Jim huddled himself up like the rest: the crew turned in
+soaking, and woke up steaming, just as the men do even nowadays.
+
+Week in, week out, Jim Billings led that hard life, and he grew up
+brawny and sound in spite of all his troubles. His frame was a mass of
+bone and wire, and no man could accurately measure his strength. His
+mind was left vacant of all good impressions; every purely animal
+faculty was abnormally developed, and Jim's one notion of relaxation was
+to get beastly drunk whenever he had the chance. Like too many more of
+those grand seamen, he came to regard himself as an outcast, for he was
+cut off from the world during about forty-six weeks of every year, and
+he thought that no creature on earth cared for him. If he broke a finger
+or strained a tendon, he must bear his suffering, and labour on until
+his eight weeks were up; books, newspapers, rational amusements were
+unknown to him; he lived on amid cursing, fighting, fierce toil, and
+general bestiality.
+
+Pray, what were Jim's recreations? When he ran up to London he remained
+violently, aggressively drunk while his money lasted, and at such times
+he was as dangerous as a Cape buffalo in a rage. With all his weight he
+was as active as a leopard, and his hitting was as quick as Ned
+Donnelly's. He enjoyed a fight, but no one who faced him shared his
+enjoyment long; for he generally settled his man with one rush. He used
+both hands with awful severity; and in short, he was one of the most
+fearsome wild beasts ever allowed to remain at large. I have known him
+to take four men at once, with disastrous results to the four, and, when
+he had to be conveyed to the police-station (which was rather
+frequently), fresh men were always brought round to handle him. Speaking
+personally, I may say that I would rather enter a cage of performing
+lions than stand up for two rounds with Mr. Billings. He only once was
+near The Chequers, and I fear I entertained an unholy desire to see some
+of our peculiar and eloquent pugilists raise his ire. Here was a pretty
+mass of blackguard manhood for you! Everyone who knew him felt certain
+that Jim would be sent to penal servitude in the end for killing some
+antagonist with an unlucky blow; no human power seemed capable of
+restraining him, and of superhuman powers he only knew one thing--he
+knew that you use certain words for cursing purposes.
+
+Over the grey desolation of that cruel North Sea no humanising agency
+ever travelled to soften Jim Billings and his like; but there were many
+agencies at work to convert the men into brutes.
+
+On calm days there came sinister vessels that sneaked furtively among
+the fleet. A little black flag flew from the foretopmast stay of these
+ugly visitors, and that was a sign that tobacco and spirits were on sale
+aboard. The smacksmen went for tobacco, which is a necessity of life to
+them; but the clever Dutchmen soon contrived to introduce other wares.
+Vile aniseed brandy--liquid fire--was sold cheap, and many a man who
+began the day cool and sober ended it as a raving madman. Mr. Coper, the
+Dutch trader, did not care a rush for ready money; ropes, nets, sails
+were quite as much in his line, and a continual temptation was held out
+to men who wanted to rob their owners. Jim Billings used to get drunk as
+often as possible, and he himself told me of one ghastly expedient to
+which he was reduced when he and his shipmates were parched and craving
+for more poison. A dead man came past their vessel; they lowered the
+boat, and proceeded to haul the clothes off the corpse. The putrid flesh
+came away with the garments, but the drunkards never heeded. They
+scrubbed the clothes, dried them in the rigging, and coped them away for
+brandy.
+
+Mr. Coper had other attractions for young and lusty fishermen. There are
+certain hounds in France, Holland, and even in our own virtuous
+country, who pick up a living by selling beastly pictures. In the North
+Sea fleets there are 12,000 powerful fellows who are practically
+condemned to celibacy, and the human apes who sold the bawdy pictures
+drove a rare trade among the swarming vessels.
+
+Jim Billings was a capital customer to the Copers, for his animalism ran
+riot, and he was more like a tremendous automaton than like a man.
+
+So this mighty creature lived his life, drinking, fighting, toiling,
+blaspheming, and dwelling in rank darkness. He often spoke of "Gord,"
+and his burly childishness tickled me infinitely. I liked Jim; he was
+such a Man when one compared him with our sharps and noodles; but I
+never expected to see him fairly distance me in the race towards
+respectability. I am still a Loafer; Jim is a most estimable member of
+the gentlest society; and this is how it all came about.
+
+On one grey Sunday morning a pretty smack came creeping through the
+fleet. Far and near the dark trawlers heaved to the soft swell, and they
+looked picturesque enough; but the strange vessel was handsomer than
+any of the fishing-boats, and Jim's curiosity was roused. The new smack
+was flying a flag at her masthead, but Jim could not read well enough to
+make out the inscription on the flag. He said, "Who's he?" and his mate
+answered, "A blank mission ship. Lot o' blokes come round preachin' and
+prayin'."
+
+"What? To our blank chaps? How is it I've never seen his blank flag
+afore?"
+
+"Ain't been werry long started. I heerd about 'em at Gorleston. Fat Dan
+got converted board o' one on 'em."
+
+Just then the smart smack shoved her foresail a-weather and hove-to;
+then a small boat put out, and a stout grizzled man hailed Jim.
+
+"What cheer, old lad, what cheer? Come and give us a look. Service in an
+hour's time. Come and have a pot o' tea and a pipe."
+
+I am grieved to say that Mr. Billings remarked, "Let's go aboard the
+blank, and capsize the whole blank trunk."
+
+Certainly he jumped up the side of the mission ship with very evil
+intentions. Boat after boat came up and made fast astern of the dandy
+vessel, and soon the decks were crowded with merry groups. Jim couldn't
+make it out for the life of him. These fellows had their pipes and
+cigars going; they were full of fun, and yet Jim could not hear an oath
+or a lewd word. Gradually he began to feel a little sheepish, but
+nevertheless he did not relinquish his desire to break up the service.
+The skipper of the smack invited Jim to go below, and handed him a
+steaming mug of tea.
+
+"Where's your 'bacca?" said the skipper.
+
+"Left him aboard."
+
+"Never mind. Take half a pound and pay for it to-morrow. We sell the
+best at a shilling a pound."
+
+Jim gaped. Here was a decidedly practical religious agency. A shilling a
+pound! Cheaper than the Copers' rubbish. Jim took a few pulls at the
+strong, black tobacco, and began to reconsider his notion about smashing
+up the service. He found the religious skipper was as good a fisherman
+as anyone in the fleet; the talk was free from that horrible cant which
+scares wild and manly men so easily, and the copper-coloured rowdy
+almost enjoyed himself.
+
+Presently the lively company filed into the hold, squatted on fish
+boxes, and proceeded to make themselves comfortable. Two speakers from
+London were to address the meeting, and Jim gazed very critically on
+both.
+
+A hymn was sung, and the crash of the hoarse voices sounded weirdly over
+the moan of the wind. Jim felt something catch at his throat, and yet he
+was unable to tell what strange new feeling thrilled him. His comrades
+sang as if their lives depended on their efforts. Jim sat on, half
+pleased, half sulky, wholly puzzled. Then one of the speakers rose. At
+first sight the preacher looked like anything but an apostle; his plump,
+rounded body gave no hint of asceticism, and his merry, pure eye
+twinkled from the midst of a most rubicund expanse of countenance. He
+looked like one who had found the world a pleasant place, and Jim
+gruffly described him as a "jolly old bloke." But the voice of this
+comfortable, suave-looking missionary by no means matched his
+appearance. He spoke with a grave and silvery pitch that made his words
+seem to soar lightly over his audience. His accent was that of the
+genuine society man, but a delicate touch--a mere suspicion--of Scotch
+gave the cultured tones a certain odd piquancy. A solemn note of deep
+passion trembled, as it were, amid the floating music, and every word
+went home. This jolly, rosy missionary is one of the best of living
+popular speakers, and his passionate simplicity fairly conquers the very
+rudest of audiences. The man believes every word he says, and his power
+of rousing strong emotion has seldom been equalled.
+
+Jim Billings sat and glowered; he understood every simply lucid sentence
+that the orator uttered, and he was charmed in spite of himself.
+
+"This is the blankest, rummiest blank go ever I was in," muttered the
+would-be iconoclast.
+
+His visions of a merry riot were all fled, and he was listening with the
+eagerness of a decorous Sunday-school child.
+
+Speaker Number Two arose, and Jim's bleared eyes were riveted on him.
+The rough saw before him a pallid, worn man, whose beautiful face seemed
+drawn by suffering. Long, exquisite artist hands, silky beard, kindly,
+humorous mouth, marked by stern lines; these were the things that Jim
+dimly saw. But the dusky blackguard was really daunted and mastered by
+the preacher's eye. The wonderful eye was like Napoleon's and Mary
+Stuart's in colour; but the Emperor's lordly look hinted of earthly
+ambition: the missionary's wide, flashing gaze seemed to be turned on
+some solemn vision. Twice in my life have I seen such an eye--once in
+the flesh when I met General Gordon, once in a portrait of Columbus.
+Poor Jim was fascinated; he was in presence of the hero-martyr who has
+revolutionised the life of a great population by the sheer force of his
+own unconquerable will. Jim did not know that the slim man with the
+royal eye must endure acute agony as he travels from one squalid vessel
+to another; he did not know that the sublime modern Reformer has
+overcome colossal difficulties while enduring tortures which would make
+even brave men pray for death. Jim was in the dark. He only knew that
+the saintly man talked like a "toff," and said strange things. After a
+little the "toff" dropped the accent of the Belgravian and began to
+speak in low, impassioned tones; he told one little story, and Jim found
+that he must cry or swear. With sorrow I must say that he did the
+latter, in order to bully the lump out of his bull throat. Then the
+"toff" broke into a cry of infinite tenderness and pity; he implored the
+men to come, and some sturdy fellows sobbed; but Jim did not understand
+where they were wanted to go, and he growled another oath.
+
+After this some of the fishermen spoke, and Jim heard how drunkards,
+fighting men, and spendthrifts had become peaceable and prosperous
+citizens.
+
+Puzzles were heaped on the poor man's brain. He could have broken that
+pale man in halves with one hand; yet the pale man mastered him. He knew
+some of the burly seamen as old ruffians; yet here they were--talking
+gently, and boasting about their happiness and prosperity. When the last
+crashing chorus had been sung, the two swells went round and chatted
+freely with all comers.
+
+"No ---- 'toffs' never treated me like that afore."
+
+All that day, until the trawl went down, Jim sat growling and brooding.
+He was inarticulate, and the crowding thoughts that surged in his dim
+soul were chaotic.
+
+Next day he inquired, "Do you know anything 'bout this yere Jesus as
+they yarns about?"
+
+"Devil a bit! Get the bloke on the Mission ship to tell you."
+
+"See him and you damned fust!"
+
+Thus spoke the impolite James. But on the ninth day the Mission smack
+ran into the Blue fleet again, and Jim took a desperate resolution. His
+boat was astern, so he jumped over the counter and sculled himself
+straight to the Mission smack.
+
+"Got them gents aboard?"
+
+The skipper was wild with delight at seeing the most notorious ruffian
+on the coast come voluntarily, and Mr. Billings was soon below in the
+after cabin. Poor Jim stuttered and haggled while trying to explain what
+was the matter with him.
+
+"I tell you, guvnor, I've got a something that must come out, or I shall
+choke straight off. I want to speak, and I can't get no words."
+
+I shall say nothing of the long talk that went on. I know something
+about it, but the subject is too sacred for a Loafer to touch. I shall
+only say that Jim Billings got release, as the fishers say, and his
+wild, infantine outburst made powerful men cry like children.
+
+He is now a very quiet soul, and he neither visits The Chequers nor any
+other hostelry. There was great fun among the Gorleston men when Jim
+turned serious, and one merry smacksman actually struck at the quadroon.
+Jim bit his lip, and said,
+
+"Bill, old lad, I'd have killed you for that a year ago. Shake hands;
+God bless you!"
+
+Which was rather a plucky thing to do.
+
+Some blathering parsons say that this blessed Mission is teaching men to
+talk cant and Puritanism. Speaking as a very cynical Loafer, I can only
+say that if Puritanism turns fishing fleets and fishing towns from being
+hells on earth into being decent places; if Puritanism heals the sick,
+comforts the sufferers, carries joy and refinement and culture into
+places that were once homes of horror, and renders the police force
+almost a superfluity in two great towns--then I think we can put up with
+Puritanism.
+
+I know that Jim Billings was a dangerous untamed animal; he is now a
+jolly, but quiet fellow. I was always rather afraid of him; but now I
+should not mind sailing in his vessel. The Puritan Mission has civilised
+him and hundreds on hundreds more, and I wish the parsons had done just
+half as much.
+
+For my own part, I think that when I am clear of The Chequers I shall go
+clean away into the North Sea. If on some mad night the last sea heaves
+us down, and the Loafer is found on some wind-swept beach, that will be
+as good an end as a burnt-out, careless being can ask. Perhaps Jim
+Billings, the rough, and I, the broken gentleman, may go triumphantly
+together. Who knows? I should like to take the last flight with the
+fighting nigger.
+
+
+
+
+OUR PARLOUR COMPANY.
+
+
+We have one room where high prices are charged. This place is kept very
+select indeed, and the vulgar are excluded. I was not received very well
+at first, and some of the assembly talked at me in a way which was
+intended to be highly droll; but I never lost temper, and I fairly
+established my position by dint of good humour. Moreover, I found out
+who was the most unpopular man in the room, and earned much goodwill by
+slyly administering the kind of strokes which a fairly educated man can
+always play off on a dullard. I hate the parlour, and if I were to let
+out according to my fancy I should use violent language. In that dull,
+stupid place one learns to appraise the talk about sociality and
+joviality at its correct value. I am afraid I must utter a heresy. I
+have heard that George Eliot's chapter about the Raveloe Inn is
+considered as equal to Shakespeare's work. Now I can only see in it the
+imaginative writing of a clever woman who tried to dramatise a scene
+without having any data to guide her. In all my life I never heard a
+conversation resembling that of the farrier and the rest in the remotest
+degree. In the first place, one element of public-house talk--the overt
+or sly indecency--is left out. In an actual public-house parlour the man
+who can bring in a totally new tale of a dirty nature is the hero of the
+evening. Then the element of scandal is missing. When men of vulgar mind
+meet together, you only need to wait a few minutes before you hear
+someone's character pulled to pieces, and the scandal is usually of the
+clumsiest sort. Again, it is easy to represent the landlord as a pliable
+person who agrees with everybody; but the landlord of real life is a
+person who is treated with deference, and who asserts his position in
+the most pronounced fashion. If he has a good customer he is courteous
+and obliging, but he keeps a strict hand on his company, and lets them
+know who is master. Nearly all the landlords I have known since I became
+a Loafer have been good fellows. They find it in their interest to be
+generous, obliging, and friendly; but to represent them as timorous
+sycophants is absurd. They are ordinary tradesmen; they have a good
+opinion of themselves, and they hold their own with all classes of men.
+The women are sometimes insolent, overdressed creatures, who heartily
+despise their customers; but very often a landlord marries a lady who is
+as far as possible from being like the hostess of fiction.
+
+The temperance orators destroy their main chance of gaining a success by
+their senseless attempts to be funny at the expense of the licensed
+victuallers. Any spouter who chooses to rant about the landlady's gold
+chain and silk dress can make sure of a laugh, and anyone who talks
+about "prosperous Mr. Bung" is approved. For the sake of a good cause I
+beg the abstainers to tell the plain, brutal truth as I do, and refrain
+from scandalising a decent class of citizens. Why on earth should the
+landlord be named as a pariah among the virtuous classes? He is a
+capitalist who is tempted to invest money in a trade which is the
+mainstay of our revenue; he is hedged in with restrictions, and the
+faintest slip ruins him for ever. The very nature of his business
+compels him to be smart, obliging, ostentatiously friendly; yet with all
+this the Government treat him as if he were by nature a thief, while
+thousands of earnest but ignorant and foolish people reckon him an enemy
+of society.
+
+Pray who is forced or solicited to buy the landlord's wares? Your
+butcher cries "Buy, buy, buy!" your draper sends out bills and
+sandwich-men; but the publican would be scouted if he went out touting
+for custom. If a man asks for drink he knows quite well what he is
+doing, and if he takes too much it is because of some morbid taint or
+unlucky weakness.
+
+Take away the taint, and strengthen the weakness; but do not pour
+blackguard and unfair abuse on business men who are in no way answerable
+for human frailty.
+
+When I hear (as I often do) some flabby boozer whining and ascribing his
+trouble to the drinkshop, I despise him. Who took him to the drinkshop?
+Was it not to please himself that he went? Did he care for any other
+being's gratification but his own when he slipped the alcohol down his
+throat? Yet he appeals for pity. I reckon that I know England and
+Scotland as well as most commercial travellers, and I have been
+compelled to depend for my comfort and well-being on the men whom some
+of the Alliance folk call pariahs. In all my experience I have come
+across less than a dozen men whom I should imagine to rank among the
+shady division. I should be a liar if I said that many public-houses are
+highly moral and useful institutions; but the abuses are due to the rank
+faults of human nature, and not to the class of traders who are
+alternately described as venal sycophants or robbers. Let us be fair.
+The Devil has enough to bear, and for any harm which we bring to
+ourselves we should not lay the blame on him or fate.
+
+The whole Raveloe scene is full of typical errors. It is too pretty, too
+decent, too neat, too humourous. There is very little fun to be got out
+of public-house humours, because the vanity of the various talkers is
+offensive, and their stupidity has not the charm of simplicity. If such
+a man as, say, Mr. Matthew Arnold wanted to test the accuracy of the
+"Silas Marner" chapter for critical purposes, he would scarcely recover
+the ordeal of a night spent in a haunt of the hardened toper. If the
+company happened to be unembarrassed, their ribaldry would sicken the
+philosopher; their coarse manners would revolt him; their political
+talk--well, that would probably stupefy him and cause him to flee.
+
+Here are my notes of one specimen conversation, given without any
+dramatic nonsense or idealisation. My memory can be trusted absolutely,
+and I have often reported a long interview in such a way that the person
+interviewed saw nothing to alter.
+
+Bowman guffawed, and his purple face swelled with merriment, for he had
+been hearing a whispered story told by Bill Preston, an elderly retired
+tradesman. Bill is a most respectable man whose daughters hold quite a
+leading position in the society of our district. He is great on church
+business, and he is the vicar's right-hand man. It is a noble sight to
+see him on Sundays when he stalks down the aisle, nattily dressed in
+black, and wearing a devotional air; but in our parlour his sole aim is
+to tell the queerest stories in the greatest possible number, and his
+collection--amassed by years of loving industry--is large and various.
+He cannot hear the simplest speech without trying to extract some bawdy
+significance from it, and when he has scored a thoroughly indecent
+success, his clean, rosy, jolly face is lit up by a fascinating smile.
+Ah! if ladies only heard these sober fathers of families when
+conversational high jinks are in progress, they would be decidedly
+enlightened.
+
+When Bowman ended his guffaw he said, with admiration, "You naughty old
+man! How dare you go for to corrupt my morals?" And Bill received the
+tribute with modest gratification. Then a loud voice silenced us all,
+and Joe Pidgeon, our great logician, began to hold forth.
+
+"Wot did old Disraely do? Why, they was all frightened of him. He was a
+masterpiece, I tell you. What was that there heppigram as he
+made?--'Inebriated with the hexuberance of his own verbosity.' There's
+langwidge for you! And he kep' it up, too, he did. He was the brightest
+diadem in England's crown, he was. But this Gladstone!--wot's he? Show
+me any trade as he's benefited! Ain't he taken the British Flag to the
+bloomin' pawnshop? Gord love me, he oughter be 'ung, he did! I tell you
+he ought to be 'ung. If you was to say to me to-morrow 'Will you 'ang
+old Gladstone?' I'd 'andle the rope. He's a blank robber and a
+scoundrel, he is.
+
+"What's this new man, Lord Churchill, goin' to do? He's a red-hot 'un.
+He does slip into 'em, and no mistake. He's a coming man, I reckon. I
+never see such a flow of language as that bit where he called old Gommy
+a superannuated Pharisee. That was up against him, wasn't it?"
+
+An old man spoke. He is feeble, but he is regarded as an authority on
+literature, politics, and other matters. "There's never been a good day
+for anybody since the old-fashioned elections was done away with. All
+the houses was open, fun going on for days, and the candidates was free
+as free could be. Your vote was worth something then. I remember when
+Horsley put up against Palmer. A rare man was Palmer! Why, that Palmer
+drove down with a coach-and-four and postilions, and he kept us all
+alive for a week. He'd kiss the children in the streets, and he'd set
+all the taps free in any inn that he went into. It's all purity and
+that sort of thing now.
+
+"I don't see no good in talking politics. One of the jiggers says one
+thing, and one of them says another thing. I think the first one's
+right, then I think the other one's right, and then I think nothing at
+all. I say, give us something good for trade, and let us have a fair
+chance of making money. That's my motto.
+
+"And, I say, let's have a law to turn those d----d Germans out of the
+country. They come over here--the hungry, poverty-stricken brutes--and
+they take the bread out of Englishmen's mouths, and they talk about
+education. Education! who cares for education? I never could read a book
+in my life without falling asleep, and I can give some of the educated
+ones a start in my small way. Why, I've got a tenant--a literary
+man--and he has about six pound of meat sent home in a week. There's
+education for you. I say, out with the Germans!"
+
+Rullock, the cultured man, was hurt when he heard education mentioned
+lightly. He said, "Excuse _me_, friend Bowler, but I think we must
+reckonise the claims of edgication. We all know you; we all respect
+you, and we know you'll cut up well at the finish; but I must disagree
+with you on that one subject. I'm a edgicated man--I may say that much.
+My father paid sixty pound a year at boarding-school for me.
+Sixty--pounds--a--year; so if I'm not edgicated, I should like to know
+who is. It's a great advantage to you. Look at the position you take
+when you go into a public room, and talk about any subject that comes
+up. Suppose you're ignorant; well, there you sit; and what are you?
+You're nobody. No, I approve of edgication--it improves the mind. It
+does undoubtedly improve the mind. Look now at this Randolph Churchill
+that's come to the front. What is it but edgication that brought him
+forward? I should venture to say he's a learned man, and knows lots of
+languages and sciences, else how'd he shut up such a wonderful orator as
+Gladstone? We all know as old Beaky was edgicated. Look at his books.
+How'd he write a book without it? I began "Cohningsby," and, I tell you,
+it's grand--sublime. No, friend B., I think you must give in I'm
+right."
+
+"And I think you're a lot of ---- fools."
+
+This interruption came from the devout Billy--Billy Preston. That pious
+man liked to have the talk mainly to himself, and he thought that
+anything not obscene was tame. By the way, these abrupt and insolent
+remarks are characteristic of public-house wit. A favourite joke is to
+ask a friend a serious question. When he fails to answer, then the joker
+shouts some totally irrelevant and indecent word, and the questioned man
+is regarded as "sold." I cannot repeat the interlude with which Billy
+Preston favoured us, but it was very spicy indeed, and referred to some
+of those sacred secrets which are known to all. For a pillar of the
+Church, Billy displayed rather amazing tastes and abilities. Then the
+talk fell into decency after the regulation merriment had greeted Mr.
+Preston's closing effort.
+
+"How long will you give Jobson to hold out?"
+
+"I don't know. He's into everybody's books all round. I should like to
+pick up that pony if he does smash."
+
+"I heard Charley Dunn say that Mrs. Jobson was round at old Burdett's
+asking for time. Jimmy Burdett's got a lot of Jobson's paper, and I
+shouldn't wonder if he stole a march on the other creditors."
+
+"Well, Jobson's a good sort, but he couldn't last. He's too free with
+his money. I never wanted his champagne and his suppers, but you had to
+drop in like the others, and there you are."
+
+A strident voice drowned the scandal, and an admiring group ceased
+smoking and listened spellbound to a characteristic anecdote. I cannot
+put in all the expletives, but I may say that the speaker modelled his
+style on that of the more eloquent betting men whom he knew.
+
+"I says to him, you'll trot me, will you? Why, go on with you, run and
+see your grandmother, and get her to wipe your nose for you. Strike me,
+I could sweep the blank chimney with you! You want to get on to me, and
+you know my cob can't go more than eleven at the outside. I was kiddin'
+him on, do you see? Then I winks at old Sammy, and he says, very solemn,
+'It's absurd for you, sir, to talk of trotting this gentleman. The cob's
+out of condition, and rough as a badger.' You see I let the cob keep his
+winter coat, and he was an object and no error. So this bloke was a fly
+flat, don't you know, and I could see he bit. He says, 'I'd like to have
+a match with you.' So I tips the office to Sammy, and blanked if he
+didn't go and knock in a slice of bloomin' flint a little way between
+the shoe and the near fore foot. I says very timid, 'Well, sir, I don't
+mind having a try just for a bit of sport, if you'll lay £30 to £20.' He
+says, 'Done with you,' and we staked. When I sees my pony walking
+gingerly, I made as if I was took aback. He saw the same thing, and
+says, 'Pony's wrong.' 'Yes,' says I, 'worse luck.' He says, 'I lay you
+£50 to £30 I beat you.' I says, 'You have me at a disadvantage, sir, but
+I'm on,' and I pulls out my three tenners. Then Sammy got the flint out,
+and we went into the road. I let him go away, and after we'd done five
+mile he waves and cries good-bye. I never hustled my cob, for I found I
+could go by when I liked. Two mile from Dorking I gives the cob his
+head. Lord love you, he can do seventeen inside the hour, and he left
+that juggins as if he was standing still. When he drove up at Dorking,
+he says, 'You're a red-hot member!' and, by God, I think I am!"
+
+This interesting yarn was received with rapture, and a remarkably strong
+anecdote of a lady and her footman fell flat, much to Mr. Preston's
+disgust. Then came the hour for personalities. As the drink takes effect
+our parlour customers attempt satire, and their efforts are always of a
+strongly personal nature.
+
+"If I'd a boiled beetroot face like you, I'd never show my 'ed in a
+public room again."
+
+"What's your wrong end like, you bloomin' Dutchman?"
+
+"You shouldn't kiss and tell." (Rapturous applause.)
+
+"Get away. You're too mean and miserable to do anything but count your
+dibs. He's so mean, gentlemen, that when he dropped a sixpence into the
+plate at church instead of a fourpenny-piece, he stopped his wife's
+cat's-meat allowance for a week to make up."
+
+"If I had a voice like you I'd have it stuffed."
+
+"If I had a nose like you I'd pay no more gas bills. You know your wife
+emptied the water-jug on you that night when you were lying boozed,
+because she thought it was a red-hot cinder on the floor."
+
+And so on. The company part without any goodwill, and a night of odious
+stupidity is over. Personally, I regard every hour I have spent in this
+public-house as wasted. I never in my life heard a word of real fun, or
+real sense, excepting from men who were merely casual visitors. The
+person whose mind is satisfied by the parlour dullness of that nightly
+foolery only becomes animated when he is indecent. In tracing the
+natural history of a public-house I have found the respectable dullards
+the most revolting of my subjects.
+
+But the mere fact that our one wretched hole is stupid and sometimes
+revolting by no means proves that all other places are of the same sort.
+I know one quiet, cleanly room where many smart young fellows go; their
+trade compels them to be decorous, and you see nothing but courtesy, and
+hear much good-natured and sensible chat.
+
+The riverside 'Arry is always an awful being, but the gentle, respectful
+lad who takes his lemonade and enjoys himself in German fashion is nice
+company. I have seen all sorts, and, while I would gladly burst a
+13-inch shell in such a cankered doghole as The Chequers, I am bound to
+say that there are a few cosy, harmless places whereof the loss would be
+a calamity.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I grow weary now, and often at nights, when the vast shadow of the lamp
+shudders on the ceiling and the wind moans hoarsely outside, I fall back
+in sheer luxury on the fine, straight, cut-and-thrust of old Boswell's
+conversations as a relief from the slavering babble which I often hear.
+Being a Loafer is all very good so far; but some of the men (and women)
+who address me use a kind of familiarity that makes me long to lie down
+and die. A man never loses the dandy instinct, and when you come to be
+actually addressed in familiar, or even impudent, terms by a sort of
+promoted housemaid, it makes you long for the soft-voiced, quiet ladies
+to whom a false accent or a shrill word would be a horror.
+
+So long as you are a Loafer you must be prepared to put up with much.
+The better-class artisan is always a gentleman who never offers nor
+endures a liberty; but some of the flash sort are unendurable, and their
+womenkind are worse. With costers and bargemen one can always get on
+familiarly: it is the pretentious, vulgar men and females who are
+horrible.
+
+Often and often I am tempted to creep back among the lights again, and
+feel the old delicate joy from cultured talk, lovely music, steady
+refinement, and beauty. Then comes the reckless fit, and I am off to The
+Chequers. Here is a rhyme which takes my fancy. I suppose it is my own,
+but have quite forgotten:--
+
+    This is the skull of a man,
+      Soon shall your head be as empty:
+    Laugh and be glad while you can.
+
+           *       *       *       *       *
+
+      Where, from the silver that rims it,
+        Glows the red spirit of wine,
+      Once there was longing and passion,
+        Finding a woman divine;
+        Blurred is the finished design,
+      This was the scope of the plan:
+        Death, the dry Jester's old bauble--
+      Drink and be glad while you can.
+      Sorry and cynical symbol,
+        Ghastly old caricature,
+      We, too, must walk in thy footsteps,
+        We but a little endure.
+        Bah! since the end is so sure,
+      Let us out-frolic our span,
+        Death is a hush and a darkness--
+      Drink and be glad while you can.
+
+
+
+
+A QUEER CHRISTMAS.
+
+
+The Loafer seems to have fancied the company of seamen a great deal. At
+The Chequers few of the saltwater fellows fore-gathered, but when they
+did our Loafer was never long in picking them up. Here is one of the
+yarns which he heard. It is stuck in the Diary without reference to
+date, place of hearing, or anything else.
+
+Joe Glenn used to say that the queerest Christmas Day he ever spent fell
+in 1883, the year of the great gale. In that year there was cruel
+trouble, and the number of folks wearing mourning that one met in Hull
+and Yarmouth, and the other places, was enough to make the most
+light-hearted man feel miserable. Black everywhere--nothing but black at
+every turn; and then the women's faces looked so wistful, and the
+children seemed so quiet, that I couldn't bear to walk the streets. The
+women would question any stranger that came from the quays, and they
+scorned to think that there was not always a chance for their men; but
+the dead seamen were swinging about in the ooze far down under the grey
+waves, and the poor souls who went gaping and gazing day after day had
+all their trouble for nothing.
+
+Glenn towed out on the 20th of October, and he cried, "Good-bye, Sal;
+back for Christmas!" as they surged away toward Gorleston. Joe was mate
+of the Esperanza, and he was a very promising chap. He knew his way
+about the North Sea blindfold, and all he didn't know about his trade
+wasn't worth knowing. If you had asked him who Mr. Gladstone was he
+would probably have said, "I've heerd on him," but he could not have
+told you anything about Mr. Gladstone or any other statesman. So far as
+the world ashore went, Joe was as ignorant as a five-year-old child, and
+you would have laughed till you cried had you seen his delight when the
+pictures in a nursery-book were explained to him. It is hardly possible
+to imagine the existence of a grown man who is ignorant of things that
+are known to a child in the infant school; but there are many such
+knocking about at sea. What can you expect? They live amid the moaning
+desolation of that sad sea all the year round; they never used to have
+any schooling, and their world even now is limited by the blank horizon,
+with the rail of their boat for inner barrier. Glenn could very nearly
+read Moore's Almanac, and, as that great work was the only literature on
+board, he often interpreted it, and he was counted a great scholar.
+Then, he could actually use a sextant, and his way of working out his
+latitude was chaste and picturesque. Supposing he made the sun 29 deg.
+18 min., and the declination for the day was 6 deg. 34 min. 22 sec., then
+he put down his figures this way:--
+
+    8948
+    2918
+    6300
+     634
+    5356
+
+and when his chums saw him working out this profound calculation on the
+side of a bucket or on the companion hatch, they would say, "He's a
+wonnerful masterpiece. Yea, but he is, and nothin' but that."
+
+Glenn was daring--but that is nothing to say, for all the fishermen seem
+insensible to fear. He was only once scared, and that was when he found
+a man leaning against the boat one pitch-dark night, just after the
+fishers had hauled. Joe thought the fellow was loafing, so he hit him a
+clout on the head, and made very uncomplimentary remarks. The victim of
+the assault took it very coolly, and one of the crew shouted--
+
+"Don't touch that theer! He come up in the net while you was below."
+
+Then Joe looked at the face, and when he found he had been punching a
+dead man he was sick.
+
+But under any ordinary circumstances you couldn't shake the man's nerve,
+and he was fit to go anywhere, and do anything so far as the sea was
+concerned.
+
+The Esperanza got up to her consorts, and then the usual toilsome
+monotony of the fisherman's life began. At the end of a month Joe looked
+a pretty object, for he had not washed himself all the time, and his
+hair and beard were like rough felt matting. There isn't much time for
+washing in the winter, and the fellows often go for a couple of months
+without feeling any water, except from the seas that are shipped. After
+the month was over the men began to pick up heart, and they notched off
+the days on the beams with much enjoyment.
+
+Joe was like most of the fishermen: he liked to talk to the gulls. You
+see, when you are knocking around for a couple of months, you soon tire
+of your own shipmates, and there is no one else to talk with. The sea
+mostly makes it awkward to put out a boat except for purely business
+purposes, and you gradually get into the way of taking delight in small
+things. Joe would go aft, and call, "Kittee, Kittee--come, Kittee!" Then
+with superb curves the lovely gulls swept round, and remained delicately
+poised over the stern. Joe flung pieces of fish into the air, and kept
+chatting volubly as his pets swooped and squabbled. "Go and tell them
+we're coming, Kittee, my prittee. Only twenty days more and round she
+goes. Tell them we're all well, you sluts, and you'll have plenty of
+fish when we run out again." The gulls are the fisherman's friends, and
+the men insist on crediting the beautiful, rapacious birds with an
+accurate knowledge of human affairs.
+
+So the days flew by, and the time came when sugar--the seaman's luxury
+in winter--began to run short. That was enough to make the fellows sick
+for home, and they were ready to dance for joy when the gay flag was
+hoisted at last. Gaily the Esperanza rattled through the fleet, and
+envious men cried "What cheer!" in a doleful manner. After a twelve
+hours' run the wind fell away, and the sky began to look funny. Hoarse
+vague noises came over the sea, and it seemed as if certain sounds were
+growing weary and swooning away. Little breaths of air came softly--oh,
+so softly, and so deadly cold!--but the tiny puffs were hardly enough to
+send a feather far. The birds wailed a good deal, and when the ducks
+began to cry "Karm, kah-ah-arm," the men shouted, "Billee, run, Billee;
+or I'll bring the policeman!" for all the chaps hate to hear the ducks
+yawping.
+
+Clouds of haze moved around, and when the moon came up she seemed to be
+glowering from her shroud. Joe was anxious to take in something, but the
+skipper said, "Don't think there'll be much of it. We can reef her when
+it comes away. I want to be home." All the night it seemed as though
+something evil were in the air, and even the men below were depressed.
+Sometimes it happens that if you work long in a lonely house, you find
+yourself at night living in dread of some vague ill, and every crack of
+the woodwork is like an ominous message. It is just that way at sea
+before a bad gale.
+
+When Joe saw the moon beginning to paint the clouds with leprous hues,
+and the great ring grew wider and wider, he looked at the mainsail, and
+wished the trouble over. At midnight there came a sigh; then a rattle of
+blocks, and then a big, silent wave came pouring along. Something was
+astir somewhere, and before long the Esperanza's crew knew what was the
+matter. The last glare of wild-fire flushed the sky, and then down came
+the breeze. The Esperanza was as stiff as a house, but it made her lie
+over a little, and she roared along in fine style. In two hours the
+vessel was putting her lee rail nearly under, and a single sharp squall
+would have hove her down, so the hands were called up to reef her. Joe
+was out on the boom, getting the reef-earrings adrift, when the first of
+the chapter of accidents came. A man sang out, "Look out for a drop o'
+water!" and a black mountain smashed over the Esperanza in an instant
+after. Joe saw the third hand slip, and the next second the man was
+whisked overboard. The Esperanza was still smothered, and a stab of pity
+went through Joe's heart as he saw his shipmate wallowing. But he had no
+time for sentiment; he grabbed the reef-earring with his left hand, and
+clutched at the man with his right. When the vessel shook herself, both
+good fellows came inboard, and hung on panting. "No time to lose," said
+Joe; and indeed there wasn't. The spoondrift began to fly so that you
+could not see the moon, and the wind was enough to choke you if you
+faced it. I have heard Joe say that small shot couldn't have hit you
+very much harder than the drift when you looked to windward. Then the
+sea was growing worse every minute, until at last every man on board
+except the skipper wanted to let her ride. But the worthy captain said,
+"If she's got to be smothered, she'll be smothered moving. The nearer to
+home the nearer to help, and she shall go." So the Esperanza tore on
+throughout the awful night with all four of her reefs in, and it was a
+mercy, that she was never badly hit. At dawn the rushing hills of water
+were travelling like lightning. It was just as though some mighty power
+had set an Alpine district moving, and when a vessel soared over the
+crown of a grey mountain she looked like a mere seabird. In the valleys
+of this mad, winding mountain range the whistling hurricane raved and
+whirled, and the drift that was plucked looked like smoke from some
+hellish cauldron. And still the grizzled old skipper would go on, though
+it was touch-and-go every time a sequence of strong seas came howling
+down. The foresail went, and that was bad; but those fine seamen do not
+ever come to the end of their resources so long as life lasts, and they
+got ready to set another as soon as the wind showed the least sign of
+fining off. The Esperanza tore onward, lunging violently, and shaking as
+though she dreaded the grip of some savage pursuer. No wonder the seamen
+speak of a vessel as if she had intelligence; there is something so
+strangely vivid in the expression of a ship that it cannot be expressed
+in words, and I shall not try.
+
+At length Joe sang out, "I reckon that's the Galloper, skipper."
+
+"Right you are, chap! And what's that by the edge of the broken water?
+Wessel, I fancy."
+
+"'Tis a barque, skipper, and he's got 'em flyin'."
+
+The two men watched the vessel a long time, and they determined to run
+down on her as near as might be safe. As they drew on her it appeared
+that she was not actually hard-and-fast, but she was bumping apparently,
+and they guessed she had her anchors out. There is nothing in the way of
+close shaves that a smacksman will not venture, and the Esperanza was
+soon within speaking distance.
+
+"We have a pilot aboard!" sang out someone on deck.
+
+"A lightning sort of pilot to ram her nose on the Galloper!" growled the
+old skipper. "Do you want any assistance?"
+
+"Stand by for a bit and we'll see."
+
+So the Esperanza went to leeward of the shoal and hove-to. Presently the
+stranger signalled, "Come on board of us."
+
+Then Joe said, "That fellow's in a frap before his time, skipper. I
+believe she'll come off when the tide turns. If she does, and we have
+her in charge, that's a nice lump of money for all of us."
+
+"But how are we going to get to him?"
+
+"I'll go," said Joe. "Give me old Bill, and we'll take the boat down on
+him. You get the trawl warp ready, and we'll either tow him or steer
+him."
+
+"Right, chap; over with your boat, lads!"
+
+Then Bill lay down in the boat, Joe put an oar in the sculling-notch,
+and the little thing flew before wind and sea, while the smack drew off
+a little. Presently the bulge of the boat's bow glanced along the ship's
+side, and Joe flung his painter. Then a man clambered on to the rail,
+and Joe roared, "Where are you coming to?"
+
+"I'm the pilot, and I'm coming aboard of you."
+
+"That you're not, you blasted coward! Stay where you are, and we'll see
+if we can't save the wessel."
+
+But the pilot had lost his head. He got ready for a jump; the boat
+lifted, and he sprang; the backwash pushed her out, and the man's left
+foot only just touched the gunwale. He screamed like a woman, gripped
+vainly at the air, and rolled under. A sea drove his head against the
+ship's side; the boat swung with tremendous force. Scraunch! and the
+poor fellow was gone, with his head crushed like a walnut. Joe tried to
+grab him with the boathook, but it was useless, and the unhappy
+poltroon's body was whirled away.
+
+"Here's a nice go for a start! Up with you, Billy!"
+
+Then the two fishermen gained the deck, and found not a soul to meet
+them. "Where the devil are they all?" Joe ran forward, and went below.
+In the dim light he could see little, but he heard a sound as of men
+moaning, and as his sight became accustomed to the dusk he saw several
+swarthy fellows kneeling. They were kissing their crucifixes and making
+a woeful noise. Joe yelled, "Where's your skipper?" but no one heeded
+him, and the moaning prayers went on. With a curse Joe rushed aft. On
+his way he saw the sounding rod, and he shouted, "See how much she's got
+in her, Bill. There's a set of mounseers forrad there, no more good than
+kittens."
+
+Then the mate entered the after-cabin, and found a man on the floor.
+"What cheer, O, what cheer! Tumble up, my daisy!"
+
+The man glared glassily, and muttered, "I speak him Ingleese very
+good."
+
+"Never mind your Ingleese; come on, and make your fellows help to pump."
+The captain rose, reeled, and fell. He was mortal drunk.
+
+"You been do you dam please," he hiccupped; and Joe retired with a
+shrug.
+
+It was clear that the English pilot had run a Spanish ship aground, as
+nearly as possible, and only the two anchors kept her from going hard
+on. The two Englishmen found that the vessel had five feet of water in
+her, and, in their plain, matter-of-fact way, they set to work. Ugly
+washes were coming over, but they lashed themselves to the pump and set
+to work like the indomitable seadogs that they were. They could not make
+her suck, but before they were utterly exhausted they reduced the water
+much, and then they cast themselves clear and began to prepare for the
+tide. They put the fore topsail on her, and then signalled for their own
+vessel. With a last effort they got one anchor, but, when Joe proposed
+trying the other, poor Billy groaned, "That's a pill enough for me, Joe;
+I shall die if we stand to it any more. Slip the other cable, boy." Joe
+agreed; the anchor was lost, and the men prepared for the first creak
+that would show that the tide was coming. The sea seemed to be fining
+off a bit, so they looked round, and found to their horror that the
+rudder was gone. She wallowed. "There she goes, Bill. But Lord, what a
+job! Tell you, the smack must go under bare poles; we'll make her fast
+aft, and she'll steer us."
+
+This was a genuine seamanlike idea, for, of course, the drag of the
+smack would steady the barque, and the two vessels could crawl along
+with some approach to surety. Another roll and groaning of timbers, then
+came a lull and a flaw of wind; the topsail pulled, and, with a long
+grind, the barque rolled off into deep water.
+
+"Hooray! Let her drift as she likes till the skipper gets to us."
+
+Bill jumped into the boat and guided her down wind to the Esperanza. The
+smack came close round, another hand joined Bill, and in half an hour a
+couple of warps were made fast to the Spaniard, and the two vessels went
+on in procession. They could not do so much as a knot per hour, but, at
+all events, they were drawing into open water, and the smack steered the
+barque quite true.
+
+It was a pity that a second hand did not remain with Joe, but no one
+foresaw what would happen. The good mate went below forward, and found
+the men worse than ever from drink, panic, and religion. He tried all he
+knew to fetch them on deck, but nothing would serve. He tried the
+captain, but that worthy seaman was sleeping like a hog, and the cognac
+was running in slavers from his mouth.
+
+"Shouldn't wonder if he has 'em on when he starts on the beer again,"
+muttered Joe. He saw a large sheath-knife, and secured that in his own
+belt; then he took a mouthful of wine, and went to his post.
+
+There was plenty of sea, but the prize was far too valuable to be left,
+and Glenn determined to make a bold bid for fortune. Not a single vessel
+passed them all night, and they were lonely at dawn next day. The
+sailors crept up one by one, but they only gathered in a jabbering knot,
+and scowled at the Englishman heavily. Joe made signs for them to
+turn-to at the pumps, but they scowled still more. Then he signed that
+he wanted something to eat, but the fellows only looked venomous, and
+poor Joe groaned, "To-morrow's Christmas Day, and no tommy to eat--let
+be the pudden!"
+
+It was indeed heartrending; but the skipper was a thoughtful man, and
+when he found that his mate was famine-struck, he risked swamping the
+boat, and sent some beef and biscuit. The shameless Spaniards had plenty
+below, but they were enraged for some reason or other, and they would
+have let their deliverer hunger himself to the bone.
+
+That evening, while Joe was easing the warps by shoving pieces of coir
+where the bite came, he felt a grip on his neck. Like a flash he
+thought, "Now, the knife." He wrenched himself round, and there was the
+Spanish captain, glaring, trembling, and breathing hard.
+
+"See, see! You been help, Ingleese!" and he pointed to the dusk as he
+shrieked.
+
+Joe saw at once that the man was wild with drink, and he put on a smile,
+with a notion of coaxing the captain over. In a little while he managed
+to get him below, and, foolishly, filled him some more cognac. Joe
+thought it best to stupefy the fellow, and the brandy certainly did send
+him to sleep.
+
+That was a bad night, for the wind rose again, and such a sea ran that
+Glenn gave up hope at midnight, and got ready for the worst. At the dawn
+of Christmas Day the skipper offered to relieve him, but the risk would
+have been too much, and the dogged East Coaster stuck to his work,
+though he was aching, drenched, and so sleepy that he did not know how
+to keep his eyes open.
+
+A queer Christmas? Yes, but not much more queer than the Christmas
+passed by thousands of good fellows on that treacherous great channel.
+The warps both parted with an awful jerk at noon, just as Joe was about
+to drink a dismal health to Sal with some of the captain's cognac. He
+took a look round, and, though I cannot say that his courage went, I am
+bound to tell you that a kind of ferocious despair seized on him when he
+found the bargue yawing away from the Esperanza. She might broach-to any
+time, and then all would be over. Poor Joe! Not a soul was there to
+comfort him. The Spanish sluggards came up sometimes and scowled, then
+they went below again. It was cruel work. The skipper of the Esperanza
+made desperate efforts to get up, but dusk fell before he came near,
+and then it was too late to try anything especially as the barque was
+going yard-arm under. Dark fell, and Joe heard moaning and gibbering
+once more. The captain was creeping along the deck, "saying something
+about Madd-ray," as Joe put it. "It was him as was mad," the smacksman
+said, with an attempt at humour. "He made a try to stick me, and I felt
+something sting my arm like a pin going in."
+
+That was true. The maddened drunkard made a staggering attempt to stab
+Glenn, and then, with a yell, he poised on the rail and jumped into the
+sea.
+
+That was really about enough for one Christmas Day, and Joe's nerve was
+all gone.
+
+The cold seemed to grip his blood, for he had taken little good
+nourishment; the vessel was helpless, and there was no shelter from the
+flying rivers of water that came over. Joe felt that strange, hard pain
+across the brows that seizes a man who has been long sleepless, and he
+could have dozed off had it not been for the continual breaking of the
+seas. He saw the Esperanza's lights, and he wished that the boat could
+have been sent, if it were only to give him a little company. The
+rolling of the barque was awful at two in the morning, and, at last, one
+violent kick parted the mizen rigging on the starboard side. Then came
+one vast roll, and a ponderous rush of water, and with a tearing crash,
+the mast went over the side.
+
+Joe edged his way forward, and once more spoke to the gang in the
+forecastle. By dint of signs he made them understand that he wanted a
+hatchet, and he also contrived to let them know that they must go down
+unless the port rigging was severed. For a wonder he got what he wanted,
+and he laboured until his elbows were numbed before the bumping, rolling
+mast was clear.
+
+Four hours till daylight, and wind and sea getting worse. Something must
+be done, or the strained ship would go for a certainty; it only wanted
+one unlucky sea to settle her. But what could one man do? If two of the
+sodden ruffians forrad would only come up, then something might be done;
+but one tired sailor was of little use. Glenn resolved to make one more
+appeal to the Spaniards, for he had a bright plan in his head, and he
+needed no more than the aid of two men to carry it out. A spare mainyard
+was lashed out on deck, and Joe had noticed it with the seaman's quick
+eye when he came on board. If he could only get hold of a spare topsail
+he could save the vessel, and he was ready to go on his knees to the men
+if they would show him a sail locker. After imploring, cursing
+threatening, for five minutes, Joe at last got the mate to lug out a
+sail; then he persuaded a lad who was more sober than the rest to come
+on deck with a lantern. Now, it will be noticed that foreign seamen in
+general are dreadfully afraid of taking to the boat. During this present
+winter our fellows have saved four or five foreign crews, and in every
+case the vessels had their own boats undamaged, but the men dursn't risk
+the trip themselves, so our fishermen had to peril their lives. The
+Spaniard's boat was lashed so that no mortal could get her clear, and
+the little craft was used as a sort of lumber-closet. Glenn had noticed
+some steel rails in the boat, and he guessed that these specimens of
+railway plant were accidentally left out until the hatches had been
+battened down.
+
+He thanked God for the negligence.
+
+Working with desperate speed, he rudely bent the spare sail to the spar;
+then to the lower cloth of the sail he managed to fix two of the weighty
+rails, and then commenced to lug the yard past the vessel's foremast. It
+takes a long time to tell all this, but Joe was not long, though every
+movement was made at the risk of his life. He hacked away two lengths of
+rope measuring each about eighty feet; he made these into bridles,
+knotting one end of each piece to the end of the spar, and taking the
+other ends round the timber-heads. Two pieces of thin rope, hauled out
+of the hamper aft, were made fast to the ends of the steel rails, and
+then Joe made a frantic effort to get his apparatus over the side. No
+good; he must humiliate himself again before those unspeakable aliens.
+Drenched, agonised for lack of sleep, weak with exertion, and bleeding
+from the hustling blows that he had received, the poor soul besought the
+men to lend him a hand, and swore to save them. They understood him fast
+enough, and one peculiarly drunken individual blundered up and obeyed
+Glenn's signs. With a violent effort the spar was hoisted and dropped;
+the steel rails sank, and there was an apparatus like an enormous
+window-blind hanging in the water. The barque soon felt the pull of this
+novel anchor; she swung round, with her head to the sea, and to Joe's
+passionate delight she rode more softly, for the big spar broke every
+sea, and very little water came on board afterwards. The vessel was
+securely moored, for she could not drag that great expanse of canvas
+through the seas.
+
+When the grey light rose, there was quite plenty of sea, but the barque
+was all right, and so was Joe, for he had coolly gone below, and he fell
+asleep, with a thankful heart, on the cabin bench. The ship was quiet as
+a cradle, and the smack's boat got up to her easily. The warps were made
+fast again, and the two vessels once more went away in procession.
+
+This time Joe had English company, and the two men had a good time until
+the tug picked them up off Lowestoft. Joe Glenn had not changed a stitch
+for eleven days, but he did not mind the discomfort the lump of salvage
+made up for much pain and striving.
+
+Joe bought a good cottage with his share, and he was satisfied; but I
+quite agreed with him when he said that his money was hard earned. No
+man ever spent a much queerer Christmas.
+
+
+
+
+JACK BROWN.
+
+
+When I first saw Jack, he had left his vessel at Barking Creek, and he
+was enjoying a very vigorous spree; but he never lost temper or became
+stupefied, and his loud merriment was rather pleasant than otherwise.
+Jack did not look by any means like a rough, for his face had a kind of
+girlish beauty. His dark cheeks were richly flushed, his throat was
+round and white, and his blue eyes twinkled with fun. He stood about six
+feet in height, and he would have made a fine guardsman, for he looked
+as if he had been carefully drilled all his life long. Men who
+habitually exercise every muscle and tendon acquire that graceful
+carriage which belongs to the military gymnast. This fine young fellow
+was full of high spirits and bodily power; courage was so natural to him
+that I do not think such a word as "brave" ever entered his vocabulary.
+He had never been afraid of anything in his life, and it did not occur
+to him to think of danger. When Jack was a little child he was taken out
+to sea in his father's vessel, and henceforth a ship was his only home
+from year's end to year's end. The boy was so daring that he made some
+of the old hands nervous very often, and there were many doleful
+prophecies made regarding the ultimate fate of his carcase. On one blowy
+day when the ships were pitching freely, it happened that Jack's father
+went with fish to the steam cutter, leaving the urchin on deck. As the
+old man drew back within a quarter-mile of his smack, he saw a black
+figure clambering along the gaff, and he knew that it was Jack. Young
+Hopeful crawled from the throat of the gaff to the very end of the spar,
+and then proceeded to swarm up the gaff halyards--a most perilous
+proceeding. The father was aghast; he whispered hurriedly, "Pull, for
+God's sake; she'll roll him overboard before we get up." But the young
+monkey did not part with his hold so easily, and he came down by the
+rings of the mainsail without so much as grazing his shins.
+
+In every vessel the men must have a plaything, and Jack served his
+bigger comrades admirably in that capacity. Had not his father been on
+board, the lad might have been ill-used in the horrible way so common in
+the old days; but the stern skipper allowed no rough play, and the boy
+was merely set on to perform harmless tricks. Once the men dared him to
+climb down the bobstay, and he instantly tried; but he gave the crew a
+scare, for he could not climb back after the vessel had dipped him a few
+times, and, last of all, the boat was towered to rescue him. In hard
+weather and amid hard work, Jack grew steadily in strength and skill. I
+have seen him at work and he made me shudder, although the sight of his
+amazing agility might have given anybody confidence. On wet nights when
+the deck was like a rink, he would make a rush as the boat pitched; then
+he would pick up his rope unerringly in the dark and, in another second,
+you would see him over the side with one foot on the trawl-beam in an
+attitude risky enough to make you want to close your eyes.
+
+It was nothing much to see him take a flying spring on to the main boom
+in the dark, and hang there reefing while the vessel jerked so that you
+might have fancied she must send his ribs through the skin. I say it was
+nothing, because he performed this feat nearly every winter night, after
+the midnight haul, and the spectacle grew common. I never knew him
+bungle over a rope or make a bad slip, and it was simply a pleasure to
+see him steer. He never threw away an inch, and his way of stealing foot
+by foot was worthy of any jockey. Sometimes when I was at the wheel and
+running a little to leeward of another vessel, he would say, "I reckon I
+can weather him, sir, if you let me have her a bit;" and then, with
+delicate touches and catlike watching of every puff and every send of
+the sea, he would edge his way up, and pass his opponent neatly.
+
+Most wonderful of all it was to see Jack handling the small boat in
+heavy weather. While the wee cockle-shell was rolling and bungling under
+our quarter, he would jump on the rail, measure his distance perfectly,
+spring on to the boat's gunwale and fend her off before she made the
+return roll. A marvellous performance that was, and the marvel only
+increased when you saw the young fellow pitching heavy boxes of fish on
+to the deck of the great steam cutter.
+
+With a roar, and a savage sweep the big seas came; on their mountainous
+sides the shrill eddies of wind played, and the lines of foam twined in
+wavering mazes. Hill on hill gathered, and the seas looked like swelling
+Downs piled heap on heap, while the sonorous crests roared on hoarsely,
+and sometimes the face of the wild water was obscured in the white smoke
+plucked off by the gusts.
+
+Jack did not mind weather; the steamer hurled herself up on the bulge of
+a sea, and then you could get a glimpse of a tall, lithe figure,
+straining in the small boat alongside the rearing iron hulk. That
+splendid, lithe young lad performed prodigies of strength and courage;
+the hulk and the little boat sank down,--down until the steamer's
+mast-head disappeared; then with a rush the wave slid away, and the
+craft came toppling down the hither side of the mountain, and still that
+lithe figure was there, toiling fiercely and cleverly. Soon with a bound
+and a loud laugh, he was on board of us again, and no one could tell
+from one tremor of his merry, tawny face that he had been, of a truth,
+looking into the very jaws of death.
+
+This splendid man was innocent as a child of all worldly affairs
+unconnected with the sea. He once told me, "I can make a shift to get
+along with an easy book; but if I come to a hard word, I cry
+'Wheelbarrows,' and skip him." On his own topics he was very sensible,
+and no owner could have found fault with him had he not been just a
+little racketty on shore. In my refined days I remember reading in one
+of Thackeray's books about a young lord who was much loved by one Henry
+Esmond: My friend Jack was very like that young man, and you could not
+get vexed with him,--or, at any rate, you could not keep vexed very
+long.
+
+We soon made friends in The Chequers, and before midnight we were
+confidential. On my expressing wonder at seeing a Barking lad among us,
+Jack winked with profound meaning, and said, "I ain't Barking at all,
+only for this trip. My gal's a Lowestoft gal, and she've come up here,
+so I'm ready for her Sunday out to-morrow. See?"
+
+Our second interview took place next day, and I saw the sweetheart. She
+was an ordinary pretty servant-girl, such as most of the fishermen pick
+up when they marry out of their own class; but I could see that she was
+likely to make some difference in John's rather convivial habits. She
+spoke like an ignorant woman with strong natural sense, and when Jack
+proposed having some beer, she said, "Ay, so! That's the way you fare to
+go. I've seen them, as soon as ever they leaves the pay-office, turning
+into the public-house. And a master lot o' good that do, doan't it now?
+Men workin' like beasts for two months, and then dropping all their
+money into the till in a week, and then off to sea short of clothes,
+besides very likely getting into trouble. Nay! Have yow a glass of ale
+if yow care, but no good never come on it, what I know. Leastways, not
+for men that goes to the sea."
+
+So Jack and I deferred to Sally's opinion--until nine o'clock in the
+evening, and then we made up for lost time. It was amusing to see the
+cool way in which the handsome lad parted from his sweetheart. They had
+not met for two months, and yet I do not believe that they exchanged
+kisses either at meeting or parting.
+
+These folk are strangely undemonstrative. They are fond of each other,
+and most faithful, but they show nothing. On a grim morning after a
+gale, when the vessels are towing up with flags half-mast high, the
+women will gather on the tow-path and by the quays; you see white, drawn
+faces, but rarely a tear. The bleak, perilous life of the men seems to
+be known intimately to the women, and they accept the worst fortune with
+a dry pathos that is heartbreaking. Jack and his sweetheart were in the
+flush of youth--nay, of physical beauty; they were passionately fond of
+each other; and they parted like casual strangers. When Jack went again
+below to the filthy, frowsy cabin of the smack, and thought over the
+months of cold, toil, drenching weather, and hard fare, I have no doubt
+but that he thought of the pretty girl, but he said very little, and
+larked on as usual as soon as he got over his parting carouse.
+
+For several trips after this, my handsome fellow was wild and careless;
+his splendid constitution enabled him to drink with impunity the
+abominable stuff sold by the Copers, and he was merely merry when older
+soakers were delirious. His father and he parted, and the old man
+stayed at home as ship's husband to a firm of smack owners, and the lad
+had his head free. He was as desperately brave as ever, for the subtle
+poison was long in attacking his nerve; but many of his ways were queer,
+and the men who went home in the returning smacks carried unpleasant
+reports about him. At times, like Robert Burns, George Morland, and men
+of that kidney, he would give way to a passionate burst of repentance;
+but in his case the repentance always departed with the return of health
+and buoyancy.
+
+One night he stayed on board a coper until a breeze came away; he then
+insisted on straddling across the bow of the boat on the return journey,
+and he lost his grip for once in his life and went overboard. A dip of
+that sort, with heavy sea-boots on, is rather dangerous, and Master Jack
+felt as though all the water in the North Sea was dragging at his legs;
+but he was hauled in at last. Even that experience only cured him for a
+week, and then his resorts to the brandy-bottle began again.
+
+At last, when he was putting fish aboard the carrier, a letter was
+handed to him; he looked at it with rough tenderness, and crammed it,
+all greasy and gruesome, under his jumper. On getting aboard, he went to
+a quiet corner where the men could not tease, and he read,
+
+"Dear John,--I write these few lines hoping you are quite well as this
+leaves me at present, but i don't think as you can be well if all is
+trew as we hear you are very wild and you ont have no money to come home
+if you doant watshe it. You must either stop the beer or stop goin with
+me and then my heart would be broak, every girl I see which married a
+drinking man has supped sorrow for sertain, and the man the same, and
+you will be just the same. Pray, my dear, do take the right tirning, or
+I must keap my word. So no more at present from your loveing SARAH
+KERRISON."
+
+Jack cursed once, and then muttered "Werra well, let her. Let her go and
+take on some one better;" but he was amazingly unhappy despite his
+defiance, and his unhappiness drove him to frantic excesses. He used to
+scare his companions by saying, "If God takes my girl, they can talk
+about Him as they like, but He shan't take my soul, not if I damn for
+it." Then when the shuddering men said, "For mercy's sake, shut up.
+It's enough to sink the wessel," he would make answer, "Werra good, let
+her sink; and the sooner the better."
+
+The days wore away, and the time came for Jack to run home. The smack
+was well clear of the fleets and spinning along nicely to southward on a
+dark night, and Jack was at the wheel. His nerve was just a little
+touched, and he muttered, "This is a devil of a night. I wish we were
+well home."
+
+It was indeed a weird night; the wind thrummed on the cordage; the gaff
+whistled with tremulous sounds, as though some frightened soul were
+shivering at the mast-head; and when the inky waves rolled out of the
+gloom, they showed no definite shape--only a sliding dark cloud fringed
+with white flame. There is always a steady roar from the sails, and one
+hears it better at night; Jack had often heard the roar rise to a howl,
+but no noise that ever he knew had such effect on him as the rushing
+moan from the sails that night.
+
+There are only two men in a watch on board a smack, and it often happens
+that one will go below to fetch some of the tea which the seamen drink
+so insatiably. Jack's mate was below, but the helmsman had no fear, as
+all was clear. He mused on, always peering sharply round for a few
+minutes when suddenly, over the haze which was rising, he saw a white
+light, and then the loom of a green. "All right; well clear," he
+muttered. "Glad the fog's no higher. Why doesn't he use his whistle?"
+Then, with the suddenness of lightning, he found the red light opened on
+him, and, with a chill at his heart, he discovered that he could not get
+his own vessel out of the road. Once he sang out, and then came the
+looming of a black mountain over him. Until the monster's stem took him
+on the quarter and the smack hurled over--hustled into the sea by the
+impetus of the steamer--Jack never left go of his wheel; he had a few
+seconds, and, with his nimble spring, he rushed to the mizen rigging,
+nicked the strings of one lifebuoy; lifted another from forward of the
+companion, and then made his rush for the forehatch.
+
+"All out. No time for the boats!"
+
+One man sprang up panting and Jack said, "Here you are, Harry. Shove
+that on, and jump. Jump to windward." The smack reared up; there was a
+long crashing rush of the swift water; then Jack saw the liquid darkness
+over him, and he was just beginning to hear that awful buzzing in the
+ears when, with a roar, he felt the upper air swoop round him.
+
+He could just see a coil of foam on the blackness to mark where the
+smack had gone down, and, as he cleared his eyes, he saw the cloudy
+shape of the steamer far away. "Harry, boy!" he sang out, but Harry must
+have been hit by a spar, and Jack Brown was left alone on that bleak,
+black waste of wandering water.
+
+"A lingering death," he murmured, as he felt the spray cut round his
+head; but he struggled resolutely to keep his face front the set of the
+sea, and the buoy supported him bravely. His thoughts ran on things
+past; he had spoken unkindly of Sally, behind her back; he had been
+tipsy--Ah! how often! Then he thought, "Shall I pray and repent?" All
+the dare-devil in the deluded lad's soul arose at this question, and he
+snarled "No. Blowed if I snivel just yet, only because I'm in a bad
+way." Oh, Jack, Jack! And the deep grave weltering below you, and only a
+ring of cork and oilskin to keep you out of that cold home. Was there
+never a shudder as you thought of the crowding fishes? Their merciless
+cold eyes! Their grey, slimy skin! But Jack was at that day a reckless
+fellow, and he lived to be passionately sorry for his splenetic madness.
+
+The cold grew worse and worse, and it seemed to creep toward Jack's
+heart. He gave one cry, and instantly he heard a faint answer. Could it
+be the scream of a gull? Nay, they rest at night. He called again, and
+the voice of his agony was answered by a loud hail; then a flare was
+lit, and Jack knew that the steamer's boat had been searching for him.
+
+"Easy. Shove the painter under his arms, and then two of you haul."
+
+So Jack was plumped into the boat, and lay limp and sick. In an hour he
+was warm asleep in his berth on board the steamer, and, I am afraid to
+say that he begged hard for a pipe before he dozed over.
+
+The steamer took him home, and he was received in a matter-of-fact way
+by his people. He had had a dousing! Yes, but it was all in the day's
+work. That is the way in which the good folk talk.
+
+Jack was never the same again, and some of the old men said "he looked
+as if he had seen something." Yes, he had seen something, and he said to
+Sally, "All right about that letter of yours. Let it stick to the wall."
+The man was very grave and kind, and he spoke freely to those of his
+cronies who were on shore; but he would not go near his old haunts, and
+some people thought he must have got religious. Perhaps he had. At any
+rate something that happened not long afterwards made the supposition
+probable. Jack was on the Ter Schelling bank when his turn came to go
+home again, and he was moodily wondering whether any such ordeal would
+ever be put on him as that which he endured when the steamer sank his
+vessel.
+
+The weather looked ugly; the glass went fast down, and a wild and
+leprous-looking moon shone lividly through a shifting mask of troubled
+clouds. A sullen calm fell, and the smack rolled with clashing blocks
+and groaning spars, making night hideous. In the morning a gale broke
+and soon came a blinding fall of snow. It was impossible to see many
+yards through the rushing drift of murky yellow, but Jack took in all
+four reefs, and ran on with a rag of sail and a three-cloth jib.
+
+It was not a sea that came away; it was a mere enormous cataract that
+poured on irresistibly. Jack knew that so long as he could keep the boat
+moving, he might escape having his decks stove in, so he determined to
+try it--neck or nothing. No man on board knew when the sea might come
+which would heave her down, and they watched grimly as the gallant craft
+tore on. Some wanted to heave-to, but the skipper knew that he would
+stand a good chance of being smothered that way, and he resolved to get
+as near home as possible, in case the hurricane grew worse. After boring
+for ten hours in the worst of the tremendous sea, he saw a vessel to
+leeward of him, flying signals of distress. She was sinking, and her
+boat was smashed. The mate said, "That poor chap on't see land." Jack
+thought a little, and then he said, "I'm going to try. Out with your
+boat." Discipline on board the smacks is not very strict, and the men
+were inclined to question the wisdom of Jack's proposal; but Englishmen
+always lean to humanity, and with a little persuasion, all hands
+volunteered. Jack took one unmarried man, and then coolly proceeded to
+make his wild attempt. It was a forlorn kind of chance for everybody,
+but as Jack said, "I was saved once, and I know what them poor bloods
+feel like."
+
+The little boat had first of all to run down on the sinking smack, and
+then, at the risk of capsizing, Jack's vessel ran to leeward and came
+round, sending everything shaking as she came up. Only desperately brave
+and supremely kindly people would have dared such a thing, and even the
+skipper of the foundering vessel said, "Well, chaps, I thought no one
+but a mad one would a-tried it on; but Gord bless you all the same."
+
+After that, Jack was obliged to let go his anchor within sound of
+breakers, and his fight with death lasted all night. The lifeboats could
+not get out to him, and he could only pray that the snow-curtain might
+lift. In the morning a slant of wind came which enabled him to get away
+from the gnashing breakers, and he got in with the loss of his gaff.
+Sally was home for Christmas-time, and she was mighty proud when no less
+a person than the Mayor presented Jack with a town's subscription, which
+was quite enough to fit up a house.
+
+Jack is my favourite of all the loose fish I have known, and if ever I
+take up my place again--alas!--I shall have him with me, and make him
+live ashore.
+
+
+SWIFT & Co., Printers, 2, Newton Street, High Holborn, W.C.
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's note
+
+The following typos have been corrected in the text:
+
+Page Problem                     Correction
+
+10   to a a queer                to a queer
+14   found       the             found that the
+16   the nthe                    then the
+21   had manage                  had managed
+30   everybody, The              everybody. The
+74   How is this?                "How is this?
+79   laulo Rye.                  laulo Rye."
+79   Rye.                        Rye.)
+95   We must have                "We must have
+95   enagagement                 engagement
+125  No one better               "No one better
+129  you are touched             you are touched.
+130  convervation                conversation
+137  fraced                      traced
+141  youself                     yourself
+143  six at night                six at night.
+143  all the day                 all the day.
+162  Ned Donnelly's?             Ned Donnelly's.
+200  ower                        power
+201  Do you want                 "Do you want
+208  bargue                      barque
+
+The following words with and without hyphenation were left as in the text:
+
+arm-pits    armpits
+mast-head   masthead
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Chequers, by James Runciman
+
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Chequers, by James Runciman
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+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Chequers
+       Being the Natural History of a Public-House, Set Forth in
+              a Loafer's Diary
+
+Author: James Runciman
+
+Release Date: June 5, 2006 [EBook #18510]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CHEQUERS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Steven Gibbs, LN Yaddanapudi and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<h1>THE CHEQUERS:<br />
+<span class="sf">BEING THE</span></h1>
+<h2>Natural History of a Public-house,<br /><br />
+<span class="sf">SET FORTH IN</span><br /><br />
+<i>A LOAFER'S DIARY</i>.</h2>
+
+<h3 class="sf">EDITED BY</h3>
+
+<h2>JAMES RUNCIMAN,<br />
+<span class="sf">AUTHOR OF "SKIPPERS AND SHELLBACKS," ETC.</span><br /><br /></h2>
+
+<h3>London:<br />
+
+WARD AND DOWNEY,<br />
+
+12, YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN, W.C.<br />
+
+<span class="sf">[ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.]</span></h3>
+
+<hr />
+<h2>Dedication.</h2>
+
+<h3><span class="sf">TO</span><br />
+PHILIP WOOD AND JOHN WOOD,<br />
+<span class="sf">OF</span><br />
+SOUTH SHIELDS.</h3>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Gentlemen</span>,&mdash;This record of ruined lives is inscribed
+to you, for it is mainly owing to you that I have gained
+such gruesome experience. From the day when, as a
+boy of seventeen, I formed my connection with your
+honourable house, I have owed my professional success
+to your culture, your generosity, and your admirable
+relations with the police force. My Sovereign and many
+other people have been pleased to approve my strange
+labours; but my chief distinction in life arises from my
+being your relative. With feelings which I cannot
+describe,</p>
+
+<p style="margin-left: 40%;">I remain,</p>
+<p style="margin-left: 50%;">Your obliged and grateful,</p>
+<p class="ralign">JAMES RUNCIMAN.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%; margin-top: 4em" />
+<h2><a name="CONTENTS" id="CONTENTS"></a>CONTENTS.</h2>
+
+
+<ul><li><span class="ralign smcap">Page</span><br /></li>
+
+<li><a href="#INTRODUCTION">INTRODUCTION</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_1">1</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#THE_WANDERER">THE WANDERER</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_6">6</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#THE_PINK_TOM_CAT">THE PINK TOM CAT</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_23">23</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#TEDDY">TEDDY</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_46">46</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#THE_WANDERER_AGAIN">THE WANDERER AGAIN</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_64">64</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#THE_ROBBERY">THE ROBBERY</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_77">77</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#ONE_OF_OUR_ENTERTAINMENTS">ONE OF OUR ENTERTAINMENTS</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_92">92</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#MERRY_JERRY_AND_HIS_FRIENDS">MERRY JERRY AND HIS FRIENDS</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_108">108</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#THE_GENTLEMAN_THE_DOCTOR_AND_DICKY">THE GENTLEMAN, THE DOCTOR, AND DICKY</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_123">123</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#POACHERS_AND_NIGHTBIRDS">POACHERS AND NIGHTBIRDS</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_140">140</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#JIM_BILLINGS">JIM BILLINGS</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_155">155</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#OUR_PARLOUR_COMPANY">OUR PARLOUR COMPANY</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_175">175</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#A_QUEER_CHRISTMAS">A QUEER CHRISTMAS</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_192">192</a></span></li>
+
+<li><a href="#JACK_BROWN">JACK BROWN</a><span class="ralign"><a href="#Page_215">215</a></span></li>
+</ul>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+<h1>THE CHEQUERS.</h1>
+
+<h2><a name="INTRODUCTION" id="INTRODUCTION"></a>INTRODUCTION.</h2>
+
+<p>It is risky to go home with some of the company
+from the Chequers, for good-fellowship is by no
+means fostered in the atmosphere of a public-house.
+The creatures who write about the cheerful glass,
+and the jovial evening, and the drink that mellows
+the heart, know nothing of the sad work that goes
+on in a boozing-place, while the persons who draw
+wild pictures of impossible horrors are worse than
+the hired men who write in publican's papers. It
+is the plain truth that is wanted, and one year of
+life in a public-house teaches a man more than all
+the strained lectures and colourless statistics. I
+am going to give a series of pictures that will set
+forth every phase of public-house life. It is useless
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span>to step casually into a bar, and then turn out a flashy
+article. If you want to know how Drink really acts
+on the inner life of this nation you must actually
+live among the forlorn folk who drink Circe's draught,
+and you must live as their equal, their friend, their
+confidant. I am a Loafer, and not one of the gang
+at The Chequers would ever dream of regarding me
+as anything but an equal. My friend Donkey Perkins,
+the fighting man, curses me with perfect affability
+and I am on easy terms with about one hundred
+costermongers. If a "gentleman" went among them
+he could learn nothing. Observe the hush that falls
+on the babble of a tap-room if any well-dressed
+person goes in; listen to the hum of warning, and
+then notice the laboured hypocrisy of the talk that
+goes on so long as the stranger is there. I have
+seen that odd change scores of times, and I know
+that nothing can be more curious than the contrast
+between the scrappy, harmless chat that goes on
+while the representative of respectability is there,
+and the stupid, frank brutalities which the advent
+of the visitor silenced.</p>
+
+<p>At nights I go home with one after another of
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span>my set, and at merry seasons we stay together till
+early morning. They throw off all disguise before
+me, and even the thieves are not afraid. When once
+you are on level terms with the community you begin
+to see what is the true result of drink. The clergyman,
+the district visitor, the professional slummer&mdash;all
+the people who "patronise"&mdash;never learn the truth,
+and they positively invite the wastrel classes to
+lie.</p>
+
+<p>Some time ago I read some "revelations" which
+made a great stir in the country. The writer was
+accused of publishing obscenities, but what struck me
+most in his work was its absolute display of ignorance.
+The poor, innocent man had listened to stories which
+were told in the dialect that is used to impress outsiders,
+and I laughed as I seemed to hear the very
+tones of some shady gentry of my own acquaintance.
+The unhappy vendor of revelations went among
+his subjects of study for six weeks, and then set
+up as an authority. Of course, the acute, sleazy dogs
+whom he questioned kept back everything that was
+essential, and filled their victim's mind with concoctions
+which amused professional blackguards for a
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span>month. Could that literary adventurer only have
+heard the criticism which daily met my ear, he would
+have found that many eager souls were longing for a
+chance to plunder such an obvious "mug." Another
+writer, whose works appear in a morning journal,
+professes to make flying visits to various queer
+places, and his articles are published as facts; but I
+had the chance of testing the truth of two tales
+which dealt with official business, and I found that
+these two were false from end to end. Not only
+were they false, but they illustrate nothing, for
+the writer did not know the conditions of the life
+which he pretended to describe, and his fiction
+misled many thousands. Experience, then&mdash;sordid,
+miserable, long experience&mdash;is needed before anyone
+can speak the truth concerning the life of what
+Carlyle called "the scoundrel classes." The same
+experience only can teach you anything about the
+poor. The scoundrels do not actually confide in
+anybody, and I never yet knew one of them who
+would not turn on a confederate; but they exhibit
+themselves freely before people to whom they have
+become used. It unfortunately happens that the
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span>scoundrels and the dissolute poor are much thrown
+together. A man may be a hopeless drunkard without
+being a rascal, but the rascals and the boozers
+are generally taken in the lump by persons of a
+descriptive turn of mind. That is faulty natural history.
+The chances are always ten to one in favour
+of the boozer's becoming a criminal; but we must
+distinguish between those who have taken the last
+bad step and those who are merely qualifying. And
+now for our history.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_WANDERER" id="THE_WANDERER"></a>THE WANDERER.</h2>
+
+<p>The bar was very much crowded last night, and
+the air was impregnated to choking point with
+smoke and evil exhalations. The noisy times on
+Saturdays come at 2 p.m., and from ten till closing
+time. In the afternoon a few labourers fuddle
+themselves before they go home to dinner, and there
+is a good deal of slavering incoherence to be heard.
+From seven to eight in the evening the men drop in,
+and a vague murmur begins; the murmur grows
+louder and more confused as time passes, and by ten
+o'clock our company are in full cry, and all the pipes
+are in full blast. When I stole quietly in, I thought
+the scene was hideous enough in its dull way. The
+gas flared with drowsy refulgence through the reek,
+and the low masks of the roaring crew somehow left
+on me an impression that I was gazing on <i>one</i>
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span>bestial, distorted face. A man who is a racecourse
+thief and "ramper" hailed me affably. A beast of
+prey he is, if ever there was one. His hatchet face
+with its piggish eyes, his thin, cruel lips, his square
+jaw, are all murderous, and, indeed, I cannot help
+thinking that he will commit a murder some day.
+When he is in his affable mood he is very loathsome,
+but I cannot afford to loathe anyone, and we smile
+and smile, though we dislike each other, and though
+the Ramper hardly knows what to make of me.
+When I first made his acquaintance we were on our
+way to a race meeting, and he proposed to give me
+his company. Like all of his class, he knew many
+"certainties," and he offered, with engaging frankness,
+to put me in the way of "gittin' a bit." The
+racing blackguard never talks of money; indeed, his
+obliquity of mind prevents him from calling anything
+by its right name. For him the world is divided
+between those who "have got it"&mdash;<i>it</i> being money&mdash;and
+those who mean to "get a bit" by any means,
+fair or foul. On that day, long ago, this creature
+fancied that I had some money, and he was determined,
+to rob me somehow. I let him imagine that
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>he was leading me on, for there is no luxury that I
+enjoy more than watching a low, cunning rogue when
+he thinks he is arranging a successful swindle. I was
+introduced to a thoroughly safe man. The safe man's
+face was almost as villanous as that of my mentor,
+and his manners were, perhaps, a little more offensive.
+Our first bet closed all transactions between us; as I
+fully expected, I obtained a ridiculously liberal price,
+and I <i>won</i>. On my proposing a settlement, the
+capitalist glared virtuously and yelled with passion&mdash;which
+was also what I expected. Then came my
+mentor, and softly remarked, "Don't go and queer
+his pitch. Here's a lot on 'em a-comin', and they'll
+be all over you if you say a word. Wait till he gits a
+bit and he'll pay." This was also what I expected.
+We happened to be in an enclosed ground, so I
+managed to keep my eye on the capitalist, and the
+unhappy being vainly strove to dodge away. Catching
+him in the act of sneaking through the turnstile, I
+touched him gently, and then beckoned to a
+policeman. No welsher can hope for admission to
+one of the enclosed courses after he is once fairly
+caught, and my victim whimpered, "Come in yere
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>and 'ave a drink." Then he said, "Look yere, I
+ain't got a bloomin' 'alf dollar but what I 'ad off o'
+you. I walked down this mornin', and hadn't only
+the gate-money, and your pal laid me on to you.
+Say nothin' this time. I ain't had no grub to-day.
+Give us a chance. 'Twas your pal as put me on,
+mind. Brandy cold, if you don't mind."</p>
+
+<p>The ineffable impudence of the capitalist's request
+made it hard for me to keep from laughing; I let him
+go, and I fear that he and the Ramper made further
+attempts on the idiots who throng the Silver
+Ring.</p>
+
+<p>That same evening Mr. Ramper made his last effort
+to practise on me. We were straddling among a
+sporting group in The Chequers bar, when he said,
+"Better settle over Dexter." "Dexter? What
+about Dexter?" "Didn't you take Dexter agin'
+Folly?" "Not such a mug." Then the hound raised
+his voice in the fashion of his tribe. "You goin' to
+welsh me, are you? You don't mean to pay that ten
+bob? I'll 'ave it out of your bloomin' liver!" All
+this was uttered in a yell which was intended to draw
+attention, and the creak of the brute's voice made me
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span>inclined to dash my fist in his vile face. But I only
+grinned and said "What a poor liar you are."</p>
+
+<p>The more the Ramper screeched, the more I
+laughed; he durst not strike, and at last, when I
+reminded him that he had already divided a little
+plunder with the capitalist, he grumbled a curse or
+two and lapsed into affability. You cannot shame one
+of these beings, and the Ramper is now on the most
+confidential terms with me. I am very glad we did
+not fight, because he introduced me to one of the most
+interesting and estimable of all my acquaintances.
+Said the Ramper, blowing his sickly breath into my
+very ear, "There's a bloke yere as knows suthin' good
+for Lincoln. Up in the corner there. Let's sit
+down." Within a minute I found myself talking to
+<ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Image has 'a a'">a</ins> queer, battered man, who bent moodily over his
+glass of gin and stole furtive glances at me with
+bleared, sullen eyes. His blood was charged with
+bile, and he could not prevent the sudden muscular
+twitchings of his hands. His knuckles were swollen,
+and his fingers were twisted slightly. Evidently he
+was diseased to the very bone through alcoholic
+excesses. He was dressed in a shiny overcoat, and
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span>his bony shanks threatened to pierce his trousers.
+When he pushed back his rakish greasy hat, he
+showed a remarkably fine forehead&mdash;well filled, strong,
+square&mdash;but he had the weakest and most sensual
+mouth I ever saw. There was scarcely a sign of a
+lower jaw, and the chin retreated sharply from the lip
+to the emaciated neck.</p>
+
+<p>My man spoke with a deep voice that contrasted
+oddly with his air of debility, and I noticed that he
+not only had a good accent, but his words were uttered
+with a deliberate attempt at formal and polished
+elocution. We talked of horse-racing, and he
+mouthed out one speech after another with a balanced
+kind of see-saw, which again and again ran into blank
+verse. I said, "You have something good for
+Lincoln, I hear. Any chance of being on?" He
+replied, "I heed no fairy tales or boasting yarns.
+When a man says he has a certainty, I tell him to his
+face that he's a liar. The ways of chance are far
+beyond our ken, and I can but say that I try. Information
+I have. From Newmarket I receive daily
+messages, and I have as much chance of being right
+as other men have; but you know what the Bard
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>says. Ah! what a student of human nature that man
+was! What an intellect! In apprehension how like
+a god! You know what he says of prophecy and
+chance? I only fire a bolt at a venture, and if my
+venture don't come off, then I say, 'Pay up and look
+pleasant.'"</p>
+
+<p>The majestic roll of his speech was very funny, and
+he poured forth his resonant periods as though I had
+been standing at a distance of twenty yards. As the
+gin stirred his sluggish blood he became more and more
+declamatory, and when at last he fairly yelled, "I am
+a gambler. I could not brook life if I had no excitement.
+It is my very blood. Yet, think not my
+words are false as dicers' oaths," and waved his right
+hand with a lordly gesture, I thought, "An old actor,
+for certain." So long as his senses remained he talked
+shrewdly about betting, and his remarks were free
+from the mingled superstition and rascality which
+make ordinary racing talk so odious; but when he
+began to drink rapidly he soon became violent, and
+finished by carrying on like a madman. He shouted
+passages from "Hamlet" and "Coriolanus" with
+ear-splitting fervour, and at last he drew a universal
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>protest from the rest of our crew, who are certainly
+not sensitive. Then his yell grew maudlin. "Why
+did God make me thus? Why do I grunt and sweat
+under the burden of a weary life? Give me, ah, give
+me the days that are gone!" Then he fell alongside of
+the bench, and presently his long, gurgling snore
+sounded fitfully. "Let him sweat there till closing
+time; he'll be quiet enough," said Mr. Landlord;
+and sure enough the orator lay until the hour had
+struck. He shivered when he rose, and his knees
+were like to fail him. "Heavens! what a mouth I've
+got!" he moaned, and I could see that the deadly,
+bitter fur had already covered his palate. "Take a
+flask home, Billy, and pull yourself together when you
+turn in." Billy grabbed fiercely at the air. "These
+infernal flies have started early." The specks were
+dancing before his eyes, and I fancy he had an
+ugly night before him; but I didn't see him
+home.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Thursday</span>.&mdash;I have found out a good deal about my
+stagy friend, and we are quite confidential, especially
+late at night. He weeps plenteously and recalls his
+own sins, but I think he is fairly truthful. A moving,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>sordid history is his. Moralising is waste of time,
+but one might almost moralise to the extent of boredom
+concerning the life of Billy Devine, boozer, actor,
+betting-man.</p>
+
+<p>Devine's peculiarly grandiose mode of telling his
+story was rather effective at first hearing, but it would
+read like a burlesque, so I translate his narrative into
+my own dialect. He was a quick, clever lad, and the
+culture bestowed in a genteel academy was too narrow
+for him. He read a great deal of romance, and still
+more poetry. He neglected his school lessons, and
+he was dismissed after a few years as an incurable
+scamp.</p>
+
+<p>No sort of steady work suited Devine; his fatal
+lack of will was supplemented by an eager vanity, and
+he was only happy when he was attracting notice.
+Now that he is matured, he is gratified if he can make
+drunken costermongers stare, so he must have been
+a very forward creature when his conceit was in full
+blossom. He began by spouting little recitations, and
+gradually practised until he could take his part in
+amateur stage performances. As he put it, "I <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Image has 'found     the'">found
+that the</ins> majesty of Coriolanus and the humour of
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>Paul Pry were alike within my compass, and I impartially
+included both these celebrated parts in my
+<i>r&eacute;pertoire</i>." Nothing ever diverts a stage-struck
+youth from his fell purpose unless he is absolutely
+pelted off the boards. Devine loathed his office; he
+hated the sight of a business letter, and he finally
+appeared in a wretched provincial booth, where he
+earned seven shillings per week in good times: the
+restraints of respectability were to hamper him no
+more. Through all his miserable wanderings I
+tracked him, for he kept playbills, and each bill suggested
+some quaint or sordid memory. I felt
+something like a lump in my throat when he said,
+"Now, dear friend, at this place I played once the
+'The Stranger' and 'The Idiot Witness,' and for two
+days my comrade and I had nothing to eat. On one
+eventful night we saw some refuse fish being wheeled
+off in a barrow, and we begged leave to abstract a fish,
+which was&mdash;I say it without fear of contradiction&mdash;the
+knobbiest and scaliest member of the finny tribe.
+Sir, we tried to skin this animal and failed. Then we
+scraped him, and the moving question arose, What
+about fire? Luckily the landlady had left a lamp on
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>the stairs. My inventive faculties were bestirred.
+The <span class="smcap">Lamp</span>! No sooner said than the fish was placed
+on the fire-shovel, and we then took turns to move the
+shovel backwards and forwards over the lamp. Regardless
+of that woman's loud inquiries about the
+smell, which was in truth, sir, very overpowering,
+we pursued our joint labours until two in the morning,
+and <ins class="correction" title="Original has: 'the nthe'">then the</ins> brute was only <i>half</i> raw. One
+penknife was our sole cutlery; but we managed
+to cut through the skin, and we devoured the oily stuff
+like famished hounds, sir. We were ashamed; but,
+as the poet truly observes, 'Necessity knows no law,'
+and we endured the scurrilous language of the woman
+when, on the morrow, she found the bottom of the
+shovel encrusted with dirt and the top thickly coated
+with grease. That fish saved us, sir."</p>
+
+<p>Little by little Devine worked his way towards
+London, and at length he appeared in a West-end
+theatre. His reminiscences of the stars are impressive,
+but we need not deal with them; it is enough
+to say that he was successful&mdash;and in light comedy no
+less. About this time he began to have his photograph
+taken very frequently, and the portraits made
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>me feel sad. This dull, sodden man was once a
+handsome fellow, alert, well poised, brave and cheerful.
+The profile which I saw in the photographs somehow
+made me think of an arrow-head on the upward flight;
+that, lower jaw, which is now so flabby and slobbery
+was once well rounded, and the weakness was not unpleasantly
+evident. I often wonder that human vanity
+has not done away with alcoholism. Men are vain
+animals, yet a good-looking fellow, who could never
+pass a mirror without stealing a quiet look, will cheerfully
+go on drugging himself until every feature is
+transformed. I have seen the process of facial degradation
+carried through in so many cases that I can tell
+within a little how long a man has been a drinker, and
+that with no other guide than the standard of graduated
+depravity which is in my mind, and which I instinctively
+consult. Devine must have been attractive
+to women, for they certainly did their best to spoil
+him, if one may judge by the collection of faded notes
+which he retains. He met his fate at last. A pretty,
+sentimental girl fell in love with him, and pressed
+him to make an appointment with her, so the dashing
+young actor arranged to meet the love-stricken damsel
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>at Hampton Court. The flowers of the chestnuts
+were splendid, and the spirit of May was in the air.
+"I seem to see the same sunshine and the same
+flowers very often, even when I'm too jumpy to know
+what is going on all round," said the poor, battered
+man. The girl sobbed and trembled. "I couldn't
+help it; I had to meet you, and, Oh, if father knew,
+I believe he'd beat me." Devine found out that
+the lady was the daughter of a very rich tradesman,
+and he was not by any means displeased, for
+romantic actors have just as keen an eye to business
+as other folk. Before the pleasant afternoon closed,
+he had gained permission to call the truant Letty, and
+she primmed her rosy lips as he taught her to say
+Will. Decidedly Mr. Devine was no laggard in
+love.</p>
+
+<p>Indiscreet little Letty found means to steal away
+from home time after time, and her stock of fibs must
+have been varied and extensive, for three months
+passed before the inevitable catastrophe came.</p>
+
+<p>"This is Aunt Lizer, is it?"</p>
+
+<p>Devine and Miss Letty were walking in a secluded
+corner of Wimbledon Common when a loud voice
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>spoke thus. Letty screamed, and turned to face a
+stout, red-faced man who stood glaring ominously.</p>
+
+<p>Devine, after the approved stage fashion, said
+"May I ask the meaning of this intrusion?"</p>
+
+<p>"Meanin'! You talk about meanin' to John
+Billiter? See this stick? I'll meanin' you! This is
+my daughter, and I'll thank you to tell me who <i>you</i>
+are." Need I say that Devine rose to the occasion?
+He recited to me a portion of the reply which he
+made to the aggrieved parent, and I can fully believe
+that that worthy man was surprised. "The Rivals,"
+"The Hunchback," "Romeo and Juliet," and other
+dramatic works were ransacked for phrases, and the
+stately periods flowed on until Mr. Billiter gasped,
+"Damn it, gal!&mdash;do you mean to say you've deceived
+your father so you might git out along of a blanked
+lunatic?" This was too much. Devine observed
+with majesty, "Sir, I can pardon much to the father
+of the lady whom I love; but there are limits, sir.
+Beware!"</p>
+
+<p>"You come along to the trap, you hussy; and as for
+you mister, let me ketch you anywhere near our place
+and I'll turn the yard dog out on you!"</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p>
+<p>Poor Letty was severely shut up at home. Her
+father questioned her much, and when he heard at
+length that the flashy young man was an actor, he
+gave one choking yell, and sat down in limp fashion.
+All the rest of the day he muttered at intervals, "A
+hactor!" and pressed his hand to his forehead with
+many groans. At night he went into Letty's room,
+and as he gazed on the girl's worn face he said, "A
+hactor! The Billiters is done for. Their goose is
+cooked!"</p>
+
+<p>Devine fairly luxuriated in his desolation. I could
+tell from his mode of dwelling on his woes that he had
+keenly enjoyed playing the forlorn lover. As he told
+me of those sleepless nights spent long ago, and rolled
+out his sonorous record of suffering, his watering eye
+gleamed with pleasure, and I can well imagine how
+sorely he bored his friends when he was young and
+his grief was at its most enjoyable height. But he
+was no milksop, and he resolved that Mr. Billiter
+should not baulk him. Where is the actor who does
+not delight in stratagems and mysteries? Bless their
+honest hearts, they could not endure life without an
+occasional plot or mystification! Two months after
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>Letty's incarceration, a decently-dressed man called
+at Mr. Billiter's with a parcel. The visitor was clad
+in tweed; his smart whiskers were dexterously trained
+and he looked like a natty draper's assistant. "These
+things were ordered by post, and I wish Miss Billiter
+to select her own patterns."</p>
+
+<p>"Miss Billiter's with her aunt, and she don't see
+anyone at present."</p>
+
+<p>"Then kindly hand in the parcel, and I will call
+in an hour."</p>
+
+<p>That night Letty was restless. The sly little thing
+had <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original has 'manage'">managed</ins> to deceive her aunt; but the problem of
+how to elude father was troublesome.</p>
+
+<p>William had an American engagement; he would
+have a fast horse ready next evening at eight; Mr.
+Billiter would be summoned by a telegram; then
+train to Southampton&mdash;licence&mdash;the mail to New
+York, and bliss for ever! Letty must rush out like a
+truant schoolgirl&mdash;never mind about hat or cloak; the
+escape <i>must</i> be made, and then let those catch who
+can.</p>
+
+<p>This was Devine's plan, and he carried it out with
+perfect nerve. A fortnight afterwards the mail steamer
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>was surging along in mid-Atlantic, and the plucky
+actor was passing happy, idle days with his wife.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>Billy had the nerve of a man once, but he utters a
+kind of strangled shriek now if a dog barks close to
+him, and he cannot lift his glass in the mornings&mdash;he
+stoops to the counter and sucks his first mouthfuls like a
+horse drinking, or he passes his handkerchief round his
+neck, and draws his liquor gently up with the handkerchief
+to steady him. A long way has Billy travelled
+since he was a merry young player. I shall
+say more about him presently.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_PINK_TOM_CAT" id="THE_PINK_TOM_CAT"></a>THE PINK TOM CAT.</h2>
+
+<p>My friend the publisher calls the Loafer's narratives
+"thrilling," but I, as editor of the Diaries,
+would prefer another adjective. The Loafer was a
+man who only cared for gloom and squalor after he
+had given up the world of gaiety and refinement.
+Men of his stamp, when they receive a crushing
+mental blow, always shrink away like wounded
+animals and forsake their companions. A very distinguished
+man, who is now living, disappeared for
+fifteen years, and chose on his return to be regarded
+as an utter stranger. His former self had died, and
+he was strengthened and embittered by suffering.
+The Loafer was of that breed.</p>
+
+<p>Two locked volumes of the Loafer's Diary were
+delivered to me, and I found that the man had once
+been joyous to the last degree, ambitious, successful,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>and full of generous thoughts and fine aspirations.
+Some of his songs breathe the very spirit of delight,
+and he wrote his glad thoughts at night when he
+could not sleep for the keen pleasure of living. Then
+comes a sudden cloud, and from that time onward the
+Diary is bitter, brutal, and baldly descriptive of life's
+abominations. It would not become me to speak with
+certainty, but I fancy that a woman had something to
+do with the Loafer's wild and reckless change. He is
+reticent, but his poems all point in one direction.
+Here is a grave note of passion:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The sombre heather framed you round,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The starlight touched your pallid face,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You moved across the silvered ground&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The night was happy with your grace.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The air was steeped in silver fire,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The gorse was touched with silvern sheen;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The nightingales&mdash;the holy choir&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Sang bridal songs for you, my queen.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">But songs and starfire, pomp of night,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Murmur of trees and Ocean's roll,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Were poor beside the blind delight&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The Love that quivered in my soul.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Further on there is a single brief verse like a cry of
+rage and despair:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span></p>
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">And is it then the End of all?<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">O, Father! What a doom is mine&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">An unreturning prodigal,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Who feeds on husks and herds with swine!<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>After many ravings the torn soul seems to grow
+calm, and we have this pensive and tender fragment
+of music:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The dreams that fill the thoughtful night,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">All holy dreams are in the sky,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">They stoop to me with viewless flight,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">And bid me wave my care good-bye.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Spread your dim wings, O sacred friends,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Fleet softly to your starry place;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I'll meet you as my journey ends,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">When I shall crave our Master's grace.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Till I may join your shadowy band<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">I'll think of things that are to be&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The far-off joy, the Unseen Land,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">The Lover I shall never see.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>After this our man plunges into the slums, and we
+have no more poetry. One who loved him asked me
+to go through his journals, and nearly all I know of
+him is derived from them. By chance I have heard
+that he was passionately fond of children, but avoided
+women. One who knew him said that he was witty,
+and often strung off epigrams by the hour together,
+but he was always subject to fits of blind frenzy,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>during which his wit and his genuine sagacity left
+him. No one followed him to his grave; but he was
+visited in hospital by a tall, fair lady, who gazed on
+him with stern composure. He sneered even while
+dying. "I'm a pretty object, am I not? I was
+going to shake the world. Will you kiss me once?"</p>
+
+<p>The tall lady stooped and kissed him; he gasped,
+"Thank you. It was more than I deserved. And
+now for the Dark."</p>
+
+<p>The lady sighed a little and went away, and I think
+that a bunch of heather which lay on the coffin must
+have come from her. Anyway, that is all I know
+about the Loafer, and he may now tell his story of the
+Pink Tom Cat in his own way. You observe how
+drily circumstantial he is.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>I shall not be able to go on with Billy Devine's
+story for some time. We have had an ugly business
+here, and it is now two months since I wrote a line.
+It was only by making special inquiry that I found
+how time had gone, for I have been living in a nightmare.</p>
+
+<p>One fine morning I put on smart flannels and went
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>for a scull on the river. If ever you drink too much
+it is best to force yourself into violent exercise at any
+cost, and for that reason I determined to row until the
+effects of a very bad night had worn off. Usually I
+keep myself clear of after consequences, but I had
+been with a keen set, and we did not go to bed at all.
+When we contrived to separate at 7 a.m., some of my
+companions began on a fresh day's drinking, but I
+chose to take a rest.</p>
+
+<p>It was a lovely morning, and I felt like a bad sort
+of criminal amid the clear, splendid beauty. When
+the light wind struck across the surface of the river it
+seemed as if the water were pelted with falling jewels;
+the osiers bowed and sighed as the breeze ran along
+their tops; and, here and there, a spirt of shaken
+dewdrops described a flashing arc, and fell poppling
+into the stream. Ah! how solemnly glad and pure
+and radiant the great trees looked! The larks had
+gone wild with the joy of living, and their delicious
+rivalry, their ceaseless gurgle of liquid melody, seemed
+somehow to match the multitudinous glitter of the
+mighty clouds of foliage. For a man with pure palate
+and healthy eye the sights and sounds would have
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>made a heaven; but my mouth was like a furnace,
+and my eye was fevered. Nevertheless, I managed to
+enjoy the sweet panorama more and more as my
+muscles grew tense, and I pulled on doggedly for full
+three hours, until I had not a dry stitch on me; then
+a funny little waterside inn drew my eye, and I went
+ashore. Bob Darbishire met me with a shout of
+welcome, and I wondered what brought him there.
+Bob did not often visit The Chequers, for he was a
+wealthy fellow, and he liked best to fool his time away
+in flash billiard-rooms; but he knew me well enough,
+and I was on as easy terms with him as with the
+costers and Rommany chals. I say <i>was</i> when I speak
+of him. Ah me!</p>
+
+<p>Bob succeeded to a great deal of ready money and
+a good business when he was barely twenty-one, and
+he broke out into a rackety life at once, for he had
+been hard held in by his father and mother, and his
+mad activities craved for some vent. Had he been
+well guided he would have become a useful citizen,
+but he was driven with a cruel bit, and the reins were
+savagely jerked whenever he seemed restive. When
+he once was free, he set off at a wild rate down the
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>steep that leads to perdition, and plenty of people
+cheered him as he flew on. It vexed me often to see
+a fine, generous lad surrounded by spongers who
+rooked him at every turn; but what could one do?
+The sponger has no mercy and no manliness; he is
+always a person with violent appetites, and he will
+procure excitement at the cost of his manliness and
+even of his honesty. Bob had an open hand, and
+thought nothing of paying for twenty brandies-and-sodas
+in the course of a morning. Twenty times
+eightpence does not seem much, but if you keep up
+that average daily for a year you have spent a fair
+income. No one ever tried to stay this prodigal with
+a word of advice; indeed, in such cases advice is
+always useless, for the very man whom you may seek
+to save is exceedingly likely to swear, or even to
+strike at you. He thinks you impugn his wisdom and
+sharpness, and he loves, above all things, to be
+regarded as an acute fellow. A few favoured gentry
+almost lived on Bob, and scores of outsiders had
+pretty pickings when he was in a lavish humour,
+which was nearly every day. He betted on races, and
+lost; he played billiards, and lost; he ran fox terriers,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>and lost; he played Nap for hours at a stretch, and
+generally lost. He was only successful in games that
+required strength and daring. Then, of course, he
+must needs emulate the true sporting men in amorous
+achievements, and thus his income bore the drain of
+some two or three little establishments. Bob would
+always try to drink twice as much as any other man,
+and he treated himself with the same liberality in the
+matter of ex-barmaids and chorus girls. The Wicked
+Nobleman was a somewhat reckless character in his
+way, but his feats would not bear comparison with
+those performed by many and many a young fellow
+who belongs to the wealthy middle class. Alas! for
+that splendid middle class which once represented all
+that was sober and steady and trustworthy in Britain!
+Go into any smart billiard-room nowadays, or make
+a round of the various race meetings, and you
+will see something to make you sad. You see
+one vast precession of Rakes making their mad
+Progress.</p>
+
+<p>Bob was always kindly with me, as, indeed, he was
+with everybody<ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Image has ','">.</ins> The very bookmakers scarcely had
+the heart to offer him false prices, and only the
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span>public-house spongers gave him no law. But, then
+the sponger spares nobody. On this memorable
+morning the lad was rigged in orthodox flannels, and
+he looked ruddy and well, but the ruddiness was not
+quite of the right sort. He had begun drinking
+early, and his eye had that incipient gloss which
+always appears about the time when the one pleasurable
+moment of drunkenness has come. There is
+but one pleasant moment in a drinking bout, and
+men make themselves stupid by trying to make that
+fleeting moment permanent. Bob cried, "Come on,
+sonny. Oh! what would I give for your thirst!
+Mine's gone! I'm three parts copped already. Come
+on. Soda, is it?"</p>
+
+<p>Then, with the usual crass idiocy of our tribe, we
+proceeded to swallow oblivion by the tumbler until
+the afternoon was nearly gone. I felt damp and cold
+and sticky, so I said I should scull home and change
+my clothes. Then Darbishire yelled with spluttering
+cordiality, "Home! Not if I know it! My togs
+just fit you. Go and have a bath, and we'll shove
+you in the next room to mine. I'm on the rampage,
+and Joe Coney's coming to-night. You've got nothing
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>to do. Have it out with us. Blow me! we'll have a
+week&mdash;we'll have a fortnight&mdash;we'll have a month."</p>
+
+<p>I wish I had never taken part in that rampage.</p>
+
+<p>Towards eight o'clock we both felt the false
+craving for food which is produced by alcohol, and we
+clamoured for dinner. Dinner under such circumstances
+produces a delusive feeling of sobriety, and
+men think that they have killed the alcohol; but the
+stuff is still there, and every molecule of it is ready,
+as it were, to explode and fly through the blood when
+a fresh draught is added. At eleven o'clock we were
+at cards with Mr. Coney. At one we went out to
+admire the moon, and though one of us saw two
+moons, he felt a dull pain at the heart as he remembered
+days long ago, when the pale splendour brought
+gladness. When we had solemnly decided that it
+was a fine night, we went back to our reeking room
+again, and pursued our conversation on the principle
+that each man should select his own subject and try
+to howl down the other two. This exercise soon
+palled on us, and one by one we sank to sleep. The
+clear light was pouring in when I woke, but the very
+sight of the straight beams made me doleful. When<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>
+a man is in training, that gush of brightness makes
+him joyous; but a night with the fiend poisons the
+light, the air, the soul. Bob lay on the floor under
+the full glare of the window. What a fine fellow he
+was! His chest bulged strongly under his fleecy
+sweater; his neck was round and muscular, and every
+limb of him seemed compact and hard. His curls
+were all dishevelled, and his face was miserably puffy,
+but he had not had time to become bloated. No
+wonder that girls liked him.</p>
+
+<p>Presently we were all awake, and a more wretched
+company could not very well be found. Novelists
+talk about "a debauch" in a way that makes novices
+think debauchery has something grand and mysterious
+about it. "We must have orgies; it's the proper
+thing," says Tom Sawyer the delightful. The raw lad
+finds "debauches" mentioned with majestic melancholy,
+and he naturally fancies that, although a
+debauch may be wicked, it is neither nasty nor contemptible.
+Why cannot some good man tell the
+sordid truth? I suppose he would be accused of
+Zolaism, but he would frighten away many a nice lad
+from the wrong road. Let any youngster who reads<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>
+this try to remember his worst sick headache; let
+him (if he has been to sea) remember that moment
+when he longed for someone to come and throw him
+overboard; let him then imagine that he has committed
+a deadly crime; let him also fancy what he
+would feel if he knew that some awful irreparable
+calamity must inevitably fall on him within an hour.
+Then he will understand that state of mind and body
+which makes men loathe beauty, loathe goodness,
+loathe life; then he will understand what jolly fellows
+endure.</p>
+
+<p>We glowered glassily on each other, and we were
+quite ready either to quarrel or to shed tears on the
+faintest provocation. Presently Bob laughed in a
+forced way, and said, "God, what a head! Let's
+come out. Those yellow shades make me bilious."
+The glory of full day flooded the lovely banks, but the
+light pained our eyes, and we sought refuge in the
+cool, dim shades of the parlour. Our conversation
+was exactly like that of passengers on board ship
+when they are just about to collapse. The minutes
+seemed like hours; our limbs were listless, as if we
+had been beaten into helplessness. So passed one<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>
+doleful hour. I mentioned breakfast, and Bob shuddered,
+while Coney rushed from the room. What a
+pleasant thing is a jovial night!</p>
+
+<p>"Let's see if we can manage some champagne,"
+said Darbishire, and the "merry" three were soon
+mournfully gazing on a costly magnum. Sip by sip
+we contrived to drink a glass each; then the false
+thirst woke, the nausea departed, and we were started
+again for the day.</p>
+
+<p>I persisted in taking violent exercise, but Darbishire
+seemed to have lost all his muscular aptitudes, and
+although I implored him to exert himself, he sank
+into a lethargy that was only varied by mad fits,
+during which he performed the freaks of a lunatic.
+After the sixth day's drinking I proposed to go away.
+Bob looked queerly at me, and said in a whisper,
+"Don't you try it on! See that!" and he showed
+me a little Derringer. I laughed; but I was not
+really amused. You always notice that, when a man
+is about to go wrong, he thinks of killing those whom
+he likes best. That night Bob's hands flew asunder
+with a jerk while we were playing cards; the cards
+flew about; then he flung a decanter violently into<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>
+the fireplace, and sat down trembling and glaring.
+I sprang to his side, and found that the sweat was
+running down his neck. I pulled off his shoes&mdash;his
+socks were drenched! I said, "I thought you'd get
+them, old fellow. Now, have some beef-tea, and I'll
+send right away for a sleeping draught." Bob
+trembled still more.</p>
+
+<p>"No beef-tea. I've had nothing these three days,
+as you know. It would kill me to swallow." Then
+he said, in a horrible whisper, "The brute's coming
+down the chimney again. There's a paw! Now his
+head! Now's a chance! Yah! you pink devil, that's
+got you! Three days you've been coming, and now
+you're cheeky. Yeo, ho! That's done him." Then
+he flung a second decanter, and sank down once more
+with a shriek.</p>
+
+<p>"I'll have a drink on that!" he screamed; and I
+let him take a full glass of spirits, for I wanted to
+secure the Derringer. The drink appeared to paralyse
+him, and I slipped down to the landlord's room. The
+worthy man took things very coolly; none of his
+trade ever like to see a man drunk, but they
+become hardened to it in time, and talk about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>
+delirium tremens as if it were measles. Here is the
+dialogue.</p>
+
+<p>"Bob's queer."</p>
+
+<p>"I thought so. He's had 'em once before. He
+must be careful, but you can't stop him."</p>
+
+<p>"I must have help. I could drown myself when I
+think that I've perhaps encouraged him."</p>
+
+<p>"Don't you worry yourself. He'd have been a
+million times worse if you'd not been about. He sits
+with the watchmen and all sorts of tow-rags then."</p>
+
+<p>"We must get him home somehow."</p>
+
+<p>The landlord fairly shouted: "Home! anything
+but that! Not that I want to keep him, but we must
+have him right first. There's his mother, what could
+she do?" Then, dropping his voice, the shrewd
+fellow said, "You see, it would nearly pay me to be
+without his custom, for I'm in the old lady's hands.
+Fact is, they've engaged him to a swell girl, and she's
+awful spoons on him, for there ain't nobody so nice
+and hearty as he is when he's square. He's fond of
+her, too, but she wants to <i>reclaim</i> him, don't you
+know, and he kinder kicks. So he says when he
+came, "I'm going to be out of apron-strings for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span>
+a bit," and I don't want him to go near home till he's
+fit to meet the lady. She's a screamer, she is&mdash;a
+real swell; and she'd go off her head if she saw him
+with 'em on. I'll tell you what we'll do. I've got
+one bromide of potass draught. We'll get that into
+him somehow, and in the morning we may manage to
+feed him. During the day we'll get some more stuff
+from the doctor, and patch him up ready for home
+I don't care to see him again, for there's no stopping
+him."</p>
+
+<p>When I went up to our room, Bob was lying on the
+floor, and breathing heavily. He opened his eyes,
+rose, and staggered a little; then he said, "B'lieve I
+can walk a bit; come out for a stroll on the
+tow-path." The moon was charging through wild
+clouds, and the river was flecked alternately by strong
+lights and broad swathes of shadow. Bob muttered
+as he walked; so, to give him an excuse for conversation,
+I said, "Why were you chucking the hardware
+so gay and free, Robert?" He put his lips to
+my ear, and said, "That pink tom cat has followed
+me for ever so long, and I can't do for him anyhow.
+By God, he's everywhere! A pink cat, you know,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span>
+with eyes made of red fire. He's on to me just when
+I don't expect him. Take me for a row. The brute
+can't come on the water."</p>
+
+<p>"You'll never go out to-night!"</p>
+
+<p>"Won't I? And so will you, or I'll know the
+reason why!"</p>
+
+<p>I had not secured that Derringer.</p>
+
+<p>I picked a big, broad boat at the inn stairs, and we
+were soon dropping gently over the tide, but I would
+not row hard, as I wanted to be near assistance. To
+my astonishment Darbishire began to talk quite
+lucidly, and went on for a few minutes with all the
+charm that distinguished him when he was sober.
+By some strange process the blood had begun to circulate
+with regularity in the vessels of the impoverished
+brain, and the man was sane. I was overjoyed,
+and in the fulness of my heart I said, "We'll
+drive home, or row there to-morrow. My dear fellow,
+I thought you were going dotty." His jaw fell; he
+yelled, "Stop him&mdash;stop him! He's coming with
+his mouth open! Oh! red-hot teeth and his belly
+full of flames&mdash;the cat! Oh, I'll stand this no
+more&mdash;you brute, you shall drown!" In an instant<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>
+he sprang overboard; the clouds came over the moon,
+and I could only tell Bob's whereabouts by hearing
+him wallowing and snarling like a dog. I backed up
+to him, leaned over, and passed one of the rudder-lines
+under his arm-pits; his struggling ceased and I
+shouted for help. Lights moved on the bank, and
+presently a boat shot towards us. The landlord said,
+"Mercy on us! Excuse me, sir, but you did ought
+to be careful. You ought to be shot for risking that
+man's life; I see as how it is." I was only too glad
+to have missed seeing a tragedy, and I let Boniface
+talk on.</p>
+
+<p>It was agreed that Bob should have his draught,
+and that I should sit up by his bedside till four next
+morning. We wrapped him in warm blankets, and
+coaxed him into taking the medicine. He started
+and twitched for some time, and at last sank into
+sleep. He moaned again and again, but showed no
+signs of waking, and I sat quietly smoking and
+framing good resolutions. My eyeballs were irritable,
+and I found that I could only obtain ease by closing
+my eyes. Once I started up and walked to and fro;
+then it struck me I ought to throw the Derringer out<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>
+of the window, and I did so; then I sat down. The
+clock struck two; my tired eyes closed, but I was
+sure I could keep awake, and I began to repeat old
+songs merely to test my memory and keep the brain
+active.</p>
+
+<p>Crash! I was sitting on the floor. The clock
+struck one, two, three! Bob was gone. I had fallen
+asleep and betrayed my trust. I could have cried,
+but that would do little good. The door opened, and
+Darbishire appeared&mdash;prowling stealthily and glaring.
+A long glitter met my eye, and I saw that Bob had
+taken down an old Yeomanry sabre from the wall of
+the next room. He came on, and I shrank under the
+shadow of my arm-chair. He heaved up the sabre,
+and shouted, "Now, you beast, I've got you on the
+hop!" and hacked at the bed with wild fury. As he
+turned his back on me, I prepared to lay hold on him;
+he whirled round swiftly, and my heart came into my
+mouth. I cried out, "Bob, old man!" He started
+furiously for a second, and then made a pass at me,
+sending the steel through my clothes on the right side.
+I felt a slight sting, but did not mind, and by
+wrenching myself half round I tore the sabre from his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>
+hand. Then I closed, and held him, in spite of his
+struggles and frothing curses, until the landlord and
+ostler burst in and helped me.</p>
+
+<p>The cut on my side only needed sticking-plaister,
+but I was completely exhausted, and I resolved not to
+risk such another experience for any price. I said to
+the landlord, "He must be taken to the town, where
+we can have a doctor and attendants handy."</p>
+
+<p>"But you won't drive that poor lady out of her
+senses, will you?"</p>
+
+<p>"No, I'll take him to The Chequers, and smuggle
+him in at night. They know me there, and not a
+soul but the doctor and the men will be able to tell
+where he is."</p>
+
+<p>Boniface was not quite satisfied, but he agreed to
+lend me two men, and at dusk I drove round to the
+back gate of The Chequers, and smuggled Bob through
+the stables.</p>
+
+<p>He was very well behaved when the doctor came,
+and even thanked him for providing two careful attendants.
+The doctor's directions were very simple.
+"I'll give him some strong meat essence at once;
+then he must have the draught that I will send. No<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>
+alcohol on any consideration, no matter if he goes on
+his knees to you. Let him have milk and beef-tea as
+often as you can, and never leave him for an instant."</p>
+
+<p>Our landlord of The Chequers was very funny about
+the jim-jams, and funnier still about my suddenly
+taking to swell company; but I let him talk on, and
+he certainly kept unusually quiet, though no more inveterate
+gossip ever lived.</p>
+
+<p>At a very late hour I was strolling homeward, long
+after the last reeling coster had swayed and howled
+towards his slum, when two women stopped me
+Then a man came from the shadow of the wall, and I
+thought I had fallen across some strange night-birds;
+but one of the women spoke, and I knew she was a
+lady. "You have my boy in that horrid place. Tell
+me, is he well? I must see him; I'll tear the doors
+down with my nails." Then the man said, "I drove
+the keb, sir. I knows Mr. Robert, and I thought I'd
+better tell his mother." I eagerly said, "Madam,
+you shall see him, but, pray, not to-night. The
+shock might kill him. On my honour he is in good
+hands, and I promise to come to you on the instant
+when it is safe for you to meet him." The lady<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>
+moaned, "Oh, my boy&mdash;my darling&mdash;my own! Oh!
+the curse!"&mdash;and then she went away.</p>
+
+<p>In two days Bob was quite calm and rational. He
+craved for food, and seemed so well that I thought I
+might manage him single-handed. So the attendants
+were dismissed, with the doctor's permission, and Bob
+and I settled down for a quiet chat. I shall never
+forget that talk. The lad was not maudlin, and he
+utterly refused to whimper, but he seemed suddenly
+to have seen the horror of the past. "You can stop
+in time, old man," he said, "but I can't. When I'm
+well, I'll turn to work, and I'll try to keep other chaps
+from getting into the mud. It would be funny to see
+me preaching to the boys up river, wouldn't it?"
+For a moment I thought, "I'll turn teetotal as well,"
+but I did not say it. I bent towards Bob and asked,
+"Would you care to see your mother, old man?"
+He smiled beautifully, and eagerly answered, "Go
+for her now."</p>
+
+<p>I was away about two hours, and returned with
+Mrs. Darbishire. The landlord met us, and gravely
+said "I've been away, but the potman tells me a
+queer yarn. Mr. Darbishire made queer signs out of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>
+window to the man you call the Ramper, and Mr.
+Ramper goes to the pub over the way and then up to
+the room. And now Mr. Robert's been locked in for a
+hour and a half." My heart gave one leap, and then
+I felt cold. We hurried up stairs, and we heard a
+long shrill snarl&mdash;not like a human voice.</p>
+
+<p>"Locked! Fetch a crowbar, and call up one of
+the lads to help."</p>
+
+<p>We burst open the door, and there on the bed lay
+Bob. He was chattering, as it were, in his sleep, and
+a brandy bottle lay on the floor. He had swallowed
+nearly the whole of the poison raw, and his limbs
+were paralyzed. Suddenly he opened his eyes; then
+he writhed and yelled, "Mother!&mdash;the beast! the
+beast!" The lady threw herself down on her knees
+with a pitiful cry, but Bob did not speak to her. He
+never spoke any more.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="TEDDY" id="TEDDY"></a>TEDDY.</h2>
+
+<p>I was so weak and nervous after Bob Darbishire's
+death that I did not go much to The Chequers;
+I hid myself most in my own rooms. The funeral
+was attended by all the well-to-do folks in the district;
+but I was not there, because I did not care to pass by
+The Chequers in the procession. Most people had a
+good word for poor Bob, and many kind fellows could
+not mention him without the tears coming into their
+eyes. Only the spongers were indifferent; but they had,
+of course, to look around for another liberal spendthrift.
+Bob was so young, and bright, and brave; I never
+knew a straighter or a kinder man, and I have seen few
+who had so much ability. He drifted into drunkenness
+by accident, and the vice had him hard by the
+throat before he found out that he was really a prisoner.
+He struggled for awhile, and repented again and again;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>
+but his will was captured, and when once a man's
+will is enslaved, vices seem to come easy to him. I
+am not fit to moralise about his relations with women;
+I only know that he was a sinner, and I think of his
+temptations. Like so many splendid young Englishmen,
+he was conquered by drink. The vice seizes on
+some of the best in all classes, and the finest flowers
+soon become as worthless as weeds when the blight has
+caught them. It is nearly always the bright lad of a
+family, the most promising, the mother's darling, that
+goes wrong; it is the brilliant students, the men of
+whom one says, "Ah, what could he not do if he
+would only try!" is those who trip, and quench their
+brilliance in the mud. A little rift in the fabric of
+the will, a little instability of temper, an unlucky week
+of idleness&mdash;these are the things that start a man
+towards the very gulf of doom. Bob Darbishire, the
+athlete, the delightful and exhilarating companion,
+was set gliding on the slope, and now he and his
+hopes and his unknown capabilities have passed away,
+deeper than ever plummet sounded. It is a big puzzle.
+I am a loafer, and I suppose I shall never be anything
+else, so it is not for me to solve the ugly problem.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The Ramper fawned on me, and asked me if I had
+heard of "that there pore young bloke wot kicked the
+bucket upstairs."</p>
+
+<p>I said, "Yes; I fancy he was murdered. Do you
+know who took the brandy up to him?"</p>
+
+<p>The Ramper looked very wicked, but merely
+answered, "'Ow should I know? He arst me, and
+I goes and says, 'No, sir; not for a thick 'un.' I see
+'ow he was. I've 'ad 'em on myself, and I knowed
+as 'ow he wasn't up there for nothing."</p>
+
+<p>The Ramper is undoubtedly a liar.</p>
+
+<p>The Wanderer often asked me to call, for he knows
+that I have a stiff flask in my pocket every night. I
+have pieced out the rest of his story, and I shall put
+it into my book when I am less glum. At present I
+swear every day that I shall turn temperance lecturer,
+and spend my money on the Cause; but, somehow,
+habit, and my roving blood, are too much for me.
+Like all men of my sort, from Burns downward, I can
+see evils clearly, and state their nature plainly enough;
+but when it comes to keeping clear of them, I resemble
+my tribe in being rather unhandy at judicious strategy.
+<i>Vogue la gal&eacute;re!</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Three months more have gone and my journals have
+never been written up, save in chance scraps. The
+Wanderer is quite as interesting as ever! I took the
+odds to &pound;2 with him over a race run at Newmarket,
+and he paid promptly. He puts out little signs of
+improvement&mdash;sprouts of gentility&mdash;at times: but one
+heavy spell of gin and Shakespeare takes him back to
+the old level again. Still, he is more amusing than the
+dandies; in fact, I do not think I shall go amongst
+the respectable division again. I make no pretence of
+immolating myself: I go among the blackguards and
+wastrels because I am fascinated; I tell exactly what
+I see, and leave other people to make practical use of
+my words. During the last three months I have been,
+as usual, hard hit. It seems as though any creature
+that I am fond of must soon be lost to me, and
+the pages of my journal are like rows of tombstones.</p>
+
+<p>We were making a great noise in the bar one
+night, for a cornet and fiddle were playing, and a few
+couples were moved by the music and the beer to
+begin dancing. A good many women come in at one
+time or other, and their shrill laughter forms the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>
+treble of our crashing chorus. One tall, broad-shouldered
+dame, who boasts of having six sons
+serving in the Guards, made a great commotion.
+Her weight is considerable. She had been drinking
+for four hours, and, when she attempted to illustrate
+her theory of the waltz, she sent drinkers and drink
+flying as though her offspring's battalion had charged.
+She had disabled one sporting coster who tried to
+guide her, and the landlord was preparing for practical
+remonstrance, when she sailed down upon me, yawing
+all the way as though she were running before a hard
+breeze. I prepared for the shock, but I was not
+destined to receive it. A tiny little lad had just
+received some beer in a bottle from the counter,
+and he was making for home, when the tall woman
+plumped upon him. The bottle was broken, the
+beer ran among the dirt and sawdust, and the
+little lad was almost smothered before the landlord
+(who impolitely addressed the waltzer as a cow)
+had managed to haul the ponderous woman to her
+feet. The boy was a good deal hurt physically,
+but his mental distress at sight of the lost beer
+prevented him from noticing his bruises. When he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span>
+fully grasped the extent of the calamity he actually
+became pale, and I do not think I ever saw such a
+piteous little face in my life. I asked "How much
+was it, little 'un?" His lips trembled, and he said,
+"I dunno. I put a-money down, and her knows what
+to put in a-bottle. Father got to 'ave his beer, else
+he not have good supper." I thought, "This youngster
+isn't ill-used, or he wouldn't be anxious for his father
+to have a good supper." Then I ordered a pint can
+of ale, and offered it to the youth. He hesitated, and
+said, "It's dark. I slip on a stone, and then more
+beer gone," so I took his hand, and marched off with
+the can, notwithstanding the fact that my friend the
+cornet player struck up "See the conquering hero" in
+a most humorous and embarrassing manner.</p>
+
+<p>It was very quiet and fresh outside, after the hoarse
+wrangling and the dreadful air, and I liked to have
+the boy's soft hand in mine. He said, "Missa
+Benjo's cellar open. Two mens fall down a-night;
+you keep a-hold o' my hand." I went very warily
+down the alley, and found that Mr. Benjo had
+assuredly left an awkward trap for the people from
+The Chequers. My young man seemed very smart<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>
+and careful, and he soon led to a lone door which
+opened into a den that was half kitchen, half
+cellar.</p>
+
+<p>"Who a-you got long o' you, Teddy?" inquired a
+gruff man who was crouched on a stool by the side of
+the empty grate.</p>
+
+<p>"It's a man, father, wot give me the beer."</p>
+
+<p>"Come in, mate, if you've a mind."</p>
+
+<p>I accepted the invitation, prompted by my usual
+curiosity, and found myself in a stinking little box,
+which was lit by a guttering dip. Some clothes hung
+on a line, and these offended more senses than one.
+No breath of pure air seemed to have blown through
+that gruesome dwelling for many a day, but I am
+seasoned, and nothing puts me out much.</p>
+
+<p>"Ain't got another seat, mate. Take the bed."</p>
+
+<p>The bed was not suggestive of sleep, and I was a
+trifle uneasy as I sat down; yet I knew it would
+never do to hesitate, so down I sat.</p>
+
+<p>"Wot's this about givin' Teddy the beer?"</p>
+
+<p>I made answer.</p>
+
+<p>"Ain't got no more 'n two bloomin' dee, but you
+can have 'em, and thank ye for your trouble."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"I have money enough, thanks. A pint isn't
+much."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, now I knows you. A bloke was a-tellin' me
+they had a broken-down toff round at The Chequers,
+and some on 'em says you ain't no more broken down
+'n the Lord Mayor. Allus got enough for a 'eavy
+booze. Anyway, you talks like a toff. I used to git
+round to the bar, but it don't run to it now. Two
+kids; and Teddy's clothes there ain't not so easy to
+buy now. Missus is out charin'. She'll fetch us
+a bit o' supper, and I makes out middlin' well
+along o' my pint and bit o' bacca. How's things,
+mate?"</p>
+
+<p>I said that things were flourishing fairly.</p>
+
+<p>"You ain't never done much blank work, <i>you</i> ain't.
+Your dukes is same as silk. Bin a tailor?"</p>
+
+<p>"No, I have other work to do."</p>
+
+<p>"All square, mate; 'tain't no business o' mine.
+Things is bad 'ere. The blank, blank swine of a
+blank landlord, he takes pooty well 'alf of every
+tanner I can make, and d&mdash;&mdash;d if he'll do anything to
+the place."</p>
+
+<p>"Smells are queer down here."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Smell! Lord love you, come down yere to-morrer,
+and you'll git to know wot stinks is. Let
+Teddy show you that 'ere bloomin' ditch at the back.
+They calls it a stream, but I dussn't say wot I thinks
+it is afore the nipper. All the dead cats and muck in
+the bloomin' crehation gits dumped in there. On 'ot
+days you wants a nosebag on, I tell you, and no
+error."</p>
+
+<p>"Does Teddy go to school?"</p>
+
+<p>"No fear; not yet. But he's fly as they makes
+'em, he is. Useful he is, too. 'Andy as makes no
+matter, and he ain't no more 'n seven."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I'm coming to see Teddy and the ditch to-morrow.
+Will you have another pint?"</p>
+
+<p>"Right, matey; that'll do for to-morrow. Ain't
+you got no less 'n a tanner? Never mind, I'll square
+when I'm flush."</p>
+
+<p>Next day I visited the alley, and went to the gap
+where it opened on to the ditch. There was an
+admirably efficient hotbed for rearing diseases there.
+A solid bed of sewage of about two feet deep seemed
+to fill the hollow, and a thin sheet of filthy water
+covered this bed&mdash;with sickly breaks here and there.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span>
+Ordure palpable and abominable was plentiful, and
+the swollen carcasses of small animals exhaled their
+biting wafts. Poor little Teddy! I said, "Come
+home with me, will you? Mind, you mustn't tell
+anyone where I live;" and the amiable little dot set
+off at my side. He could not walk very well, for he
+had one shoe minus a sole, and his toes stuck through
+the other. When we reached my room I sent out for
+a pair of boots and two pairs of socks; then I pitched
+Teddy's away, and presently to his terror, and my
+own amusement, I found myself engaged in washing
+his feet. Nice little feet they were when they came
+clean, and their owner pattered about with perfect
+satisfaction on my carpet. I pulled out some cakes,
+and Teddy accepted a few, turning away his head as
+he took them. He had the exact look of a dog that is
+being reproved, and I had some trouble in persuading
+him to begin. When he had finished one sponge-cake
+he grinned and enigmatically observed, "Teddy's
+belly." I said, "That's baby talk. You talked all
+right last night. Finish your cakes and you'll have
+some more for tea. Trot about as you like till it's
+ready." He went gaily about, touching some articles,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>
+and even sniffing at others; he dived into my bedroom,
+and I heard him cry "Ooh!" Then there was
+a scraping sound, and Teddy appeared lugging a small
+looking-glass and smiling broadly. "Ooh! This is
+what there is when a lady gives you a beer." I
+understood that he referred to the bleared glass
+behind the bar of the Chequers, and I appreciated
+Teddy's powers of comparison; but I explained
+to him that mirrors cannot be safely hauled about
+by little boys, and he kindly assented to this
+proposition.</p>
+
+<p>We had tea, and Teddy so far improved on his
+bashfulness that he made grabs at several things which
+would have disagreed with him if I had let him follow
+his inclinations. He affably received my hints on
+table etiquette, and smiled with gentleness when I
+told him he had eaten enough. The little creature's
+ideas were like those of a dog. He had been taught
+to follow and to come home to his kennel; he was
+ready to be gracious toward those who fed him, and he
+had the true canine glance which expresses gratitude
+and expectancy at once. But he was only a rudimentary
+human being, and his brain power had slept<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>
+so far. I showed him Caldecott's wonderful "House
+that Jack Built," and he gloated over that delightful
+villain of a dog; the cat and the rat he understood,
+but he knew nothing of the cow. I let him stare at
+the dog as long as he chose, and he chuckled like a
+magpie all the time. He proposed to remove the
+picture-book, and it was only with difficulty that I
+persuaded him to let me keep it. Knowing the street
+arab class very well, I did not try to talk with him,
+for I have always found that an arab's curiosity when
+he finds himself in a new place renders him incapable
+of attending to anything that is said to him until he
+has learned the appearance of every object in the room.
+The little chap is a barbarian, and you must treat him
+exactly as you would treat an adult member of a
+friendly savage tribe.</p>
+
+<p>Before Teddy went home I rigged him up in his
+new boots and stockings, and he was amusingly proud.
+When we parted at the alley he said, "You let me go
+you house again, and have some nice things and see
+the dog?" Of course I invited him, and henceforth
+he waylaid me in the afternoons as I went home. At
+first he was not polite, and his mode of calling, "Hoy,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>
+man! wait for me!" drew marked attention from the
+public. But he soon learned to lift his hat and to
+shake hands. At intervals I gave him set lessons on
+manners, and, if he behaved nicely, we had a game at
+cricket in my queer old garden. It was almost impossible
+to make Teddy understand the morality of
+any game at first. When he learned that the ball
+must not touch his wicket, his treatment of my slow
+bowling was positively immoral. I did not mind his
+kicking the ball out of the way, nor did I object to his
+using his bat like a scoop; but when he lay down in
+front of the wicket, and sweetly smiled as the ball
+touched his stomach, I had to insist on severe cricketing
+etiquette. As the nights darkened in I took to
+amusing myself more and more with Teddy, and sometimes
+I did not go out to the Chequers at all. The
+boy was a severe trial to me when he learned to play
+draughts. When once the fundamental laws of the
+game dawned on his mind, and he understood that he
+must try to reduce the number of my pieces, he
+thought that any means were justified if he could be
+successful. Once I left the room for a minute while
+we were playing, and on my return found four of my<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>
+men had disappeared. I said, "Where are those
+men?" Teddy smiled courteously; "I taken 'em.
+I go hop, hop, hop, over a lot. All fair." "But
+where have you put them?" "In a pocket. All
+fair." But he gradually grew out of his habits of
+picking and stealing, and he behaved much like a well-trained
+dog. It is plain to me that he regarded me as
+a sort of deity; but his love was quite unalloyed by fear.
+He would stroke my beard, and say, "You very nice,"
+when I had been specially good-humoured, and, as his
+stock of words increased, he prattled on by the hour.
+One must love something, and I got into the habit of
+loving this pale little urchin, so that at length I fitted
+up a crib for him, and asked his mother to let him
+stay with me. This made a great change in my habits.
+Teddy seemed to wake as by magic, if I rose to go
+out after he was in bed, and, although he never cried,
+his way of saying, "You won't let me stop by myself&mdash;perhaps
+the black man might come," always settled
+me. By degrees I fell into the habit of reading at
+nights, and the steady life made my brain clear.
+Books that had been dim memories to me for years
+became vivid, and the power of sustained thinking<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>
+came back. In those long, calm evenings, I went
+through my Gibbon again, and the awful pageant that
+rolls past our view under the direction of the aristocrat
+of literature made my late life seem poor and mean.
+How low we were! The darkened costers are interesting
+as studies in animal life; but the more pretentious
+persons whose humour reaches its highest
+flight in an indecent story, and whose wit consists in
+calling someone else a liar&mdash;how petty they are, and
+how fruitless is their friendship! I began to feel like
+a patrician who surveys the mob from his lordly dais,
+and I almost resolved to go back to the clubs and
+theatres once more.</p>
+
+<p>Teddy increased so much in mental power that he
+took interest in fairy tales, and he was a rigorous
+taskmaster. I was obliged to illustrate the stories in
+varied ways. Once I was asked, "What's a gian'?"
+I said, "A very, very big man." "Big as you?"
+"Far bigger." "How bigger? Has he got legs,
+and heads, and&mdash;and things like that?" "We'll see.
+When I stand on this chair I'm as big as a giant,"
+but it was all of no avail, and only after Teddy had
+seen a huge, knock-kneed being in a penny show did<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>
+he understand what a giant could be like. Then he
+asked for giant stories on all occasions.</p>
+
+<p>It struck me that I was neglecting Teddy's religious
+education. Hundreds and thousands of such little
+fellows in and about London have no notion of a God,
+or any ruling power save the policeman. I had a dark
+mind to deal with, and Teddy's questions fairly beat
+me. Of course I took the old orthodox ideas, and
+tried to make them simple, but Teddy posed me like
+this:</p>
+
+<p>"Do God live in a sky?"</p>
+
+<p>"Far away. Yes; well, say in the sky."</p>
+
+<p>"Where does he hang up his coat when he goes to
+his bed?"</p>
+
+<p>What on earth was a poor, distracted loafer to
+say? I could not deal with Jesus, for I saw that
+Teddy did not understand goodness. He knew that
+I was kind, and he liked to kiss my hand slily,
+and rub his cheek on my knee; but abstract goodness
+and gentle words like those of Jesus did not appeal
+to him. I was satisfied to have a queer creature
+that followed me like a dog, and I am afraid that
+if he had lived I should have made him a kind<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span>
+of heathen; but the luck was against me. Teddy's
+father came on a Sunday morning, and said, "If
+you don't mind, his mother'd like to 'ave him
+along to dinner to-morrow. We got a bit o' pork and
+a horrange spesshal for him." So Teddy went home
+when the ditch was in worse order than usual. He
+had been kept amid good air, and he was clean&mdash;I
+washed him myself&mdash;and I fancy that the stenches
+poisoned him simply because he could not become
+acclimatised to the alley again. Anyway, he was
+heavy and listless when he came back, and in two days
+I had to send for his father and mother. I am not
+going into any pathetic details, for that is not
+my line. Night after night I walked the floor
+with the youngster, and when the doctor said I
+should catch diphtheria if I kissed him, I said I
+didn't care a damn, for I was wild. Then my boy
+went away.</p>
+
+<p>One night I was walking about the park in mad
+fashion while a hoarse gale roused a deep chorus
+among the trees. I could have sworn that my lad
+called to me. Then I went back and dropped into
+The Chequers. The Ramper said, "Wot cher,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>
+yer old bugaboo?" The Wanderer shouted,
+"Now let the trumpet to the kettle speak; the
+kettle to the cannoneer without. He comes! He
+comes!"</p>
+
+<p>And I went home and stayed till dawn with the
+Wanderer. That is the way we live.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_WANDERER_AGAIN" id="THE_WANDERER_AGAIN"></a>THE WANDERER AGAIN.</h2>
+
+<p>Several racing men have warned me against
+the Wanderer, in their peculiarly friendly way.
+They want me to bet with <i>them</i>. But I like the
+Bohemian, the blackleg, better than I do better men.
+Moreover, though I am carefully informed that he is
+a blackleg, I find him honest. His story has long
+been hanging in my mind, and we may as well take
+it at once.</p>
+
+<p>Devine's runaway match turned out well for a time.
+When old Mr. Billiter came home and heard what
+had happened he fell in a fit, and, on his recovery, he
+went about for a long time moaning, "We'll never
+hold up our heads no more." His friends thought he
+would lose his reason, for he would stop people in the
+street, and say, "Have you a daughter? Kill her, if
+you care for her. Mine's gone off with a hactor."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span>
+But the young couple were happy enough in reality,
+and Devine took the fancy of the New Yorkers to
+such a degree that his engagement was extended over
+three years. Letty Devine led a gay, careless life;
+her husband had plenty of money, and she was introduced
+to pleasures that made the frowsy life of home
+seem very repulsive. Devine was kind to her, and
+continued to play the lover in his pompous style.
+She was proud of her man, too. He played Claude
+Melnotte for his benefit once, and she longed to say
+to the ladies in the theatre, "He belongs to me.
+How could she help being fascinated with him?
+Where could you find such another princely being?"
+She felt a lump in her throat when the great house
+rose at her William, and the more so since she knew
+that her praise was more to him than all the clamour
+of the theatre. Devine had begun by fortune-hunting,
+and ended by loving his wife, though she did not
+bring him a penny.</p>
+
+<p>Those were merry days in New York. Champagne
+was plentiful as water, and William Devine often
+came home in a very lively condition, but his wife did
+not mind, for she thought that a man must have his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span>
+glass. Women of the lower and middle classes have
+a great deal to do with supplying customers to the
+public-house. Some of them drive their men there
+by nagging, but more of them lead a man on to drink
+by sheer indulgence. They encourage him to enjoy
+himself without thinking of the day when enjoyment
+will be impossible, and when they and their children
+will reach the lowermost rung of the ladder of shame
+and penury. The Wanderer went merrily on his way,
+but his vice was steadily gaining on him, and his
+nerve was going. He took a long engagement for an
+Australian tour, and carried on very loosely all the
+while; but Letty saw no change. Women never do
+until the very worst has happened. When Devine
+came to England he was eagerly looked after, and he
+should have fared well. For a time he had engagements
+and money in plenty, but a subtle change was
+taking place in him, and managers and audiences saw
+it, though they could not say precisely where the
+deterioration had taken place.</p>
+
+<p>There is a certain sporting set of theatrical men
+who are very dangerous companions. Their daily
+work is exciting, and when they want change they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>
+often gamble, because that is the only form of excitement
+which is keener than the stir and tumult of the
+theatre. When Devine won three hundred pounds
+on one Derby he was a lost man. He pitted his wits
+against the bookmakers'; he took to loafing about
+with those flash, cunning fellows who appear to spend
+their mornings in bars and their evenings in music-halls;
+he lost his ambition, and he began to lead a
+double life. In the end he took to presenting himself
+at the theatre in various stages of drunkenness, and
+on one unlucky night he practically settled his own
+fate by falling down on the stage after he had
+blundered over his lines a dozen times. The public
+saw little of him after that, for he had not the power
+of Kean, or Cooke, or Brooke.</p>
+
+<p>They all go the same way when they slip as Devine
+did. You can meet them on the roads, in common
+lodging-houses, in the workhouse. The residuum is
+constantly recruited from the "comfortable" classes,
+and, out of thousands of cases, I never knew half-a-dozen
+in which the cause was not drink. I blame
+nobody. A drunkard is always selfish&mdash;the most
+selfish of created beings&mdash;and his flashes of generosity<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>
+are symptoms of disease. If he lives to be cured of
+his vice his selfishness disappears, and he is another
+man; but so long as he is mastered by the craving,
+all things on earth are blotted out for him saving his
+own miserable personality. So far does the disease
+of egotism go, that it is impossible to find a drunkard
+who can so much as listen to another person; he is
+inexorably impelled to utter forth <i>his</i> views with more
+or less incoherence.</p>
+
+<p>Devine, the tender husband, the kind father,
+became a mere slinker, a haunter of tap-rooms, a
+weed. Sometimes he was lucky enough to win a
+pound or two on a race, and that was his only means
+of support. The children were ragged; Letty tried
+to live on tea and bread, but the lack of food soon
+brought her low, and from sheer weakness she became
+a pitiful slattern.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Billiter was informed that a woman "like a
+beggar" wanted to see him particularly. He was
+about to order her off at first, but he finished by
+going to the door, and the beggar-woman went on her
+knees to him. He trembled; then he fairly lifted the
+poor soul up in his arms and sobbed hard. "My gal,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>
+my pooty as was. My little gal. To think as you
+never come before you was like this. I've bin dead
+since you was away. My 'art was dead, my little gal.
+And you're goin' away no more, never no more, with
+no hactors. Sit down. Give me that shawl. Lord
+bless me, it's a dish clout! And your neck's like a
+chicken's, and your breasts is all flat, as was round
+as could be. O me!"</p>
+
+<p>But the good fellow's moanings soon fell on deaf
+ears, for Letty fainted. When she came round, the servants
+fed her, and she began to cry for the children.
+"Children if you like, but never him," said Billiter;
+and he at once drove off to bring his darling's
+ragged little ones home.</p>
+
+<p>Devine was snoring on the floor when the old
+tradesman entered the lodging. There was no fire,
+no furniture, no food, and the half-naked children
+were huddled together for warmth. The youngest
+two screamed when a rough man came in, for they
+thought it was the brokers once more. Billiter sent
+the eldest out for a candle, which he stuck in an
+empty gin-bottle. He looked at the snoring drunkard,
+and gave him a contemptuous push with his foot; but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>
+the one little boy screamed, "You not touch my dada,
+you bad man!" and the old fellow was instantly
+ashamed. He said, "Now, my little dears, I want
+you to come to your mamma. She sent me for you.
+We'll all go away in a warm carriage, and you'll have
+something warm and nice to eat. Put the youngsters'
+clothes on, my gal."</p>
+
+<p>"We've none of us got any clothes, sir."</p>
+
+<p>"My God! Here, you sir&mdash;wake up. Sit against
+the wall. Do you see me? I've got your wife at
+home, and I'm going to take these kids. You'll hear
+from me to-morrow."</p>
+
+<p>"Devine finally woke just before the public-houses
+closed. He staggered out, and, after his first drink,
+the memory of what had passed flashed back on him.
+He felt in his pockets. Yes! He had some money&mdash;a
+good deal as it happened, for he had put five
+shillings on a horse at 33 to 1. "Pull yourself
+together, Billy," he muttered. "You must have a
+warm bed to-night, and face it out to-morrow. One
+more drink, and I'll have my bed here."</p>
+
+<p>In the morning he felt wretched, but when he had
+regained his nerve by the usual method he acted like<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span>
+a man. First he wrote a letter to his wife. (I saw
+the yellow old copy of it.)</p>
+
+<p>"Dearest,&mdash;I had a bit of luck yesterday, and took
+too much on the strength of it. I was carried home
+from this house, and I could not speak to Lily or any
+of them. I deserve to lose you, and I will never ask
+you to come back unless there is no fear of more
+misery. But this I will do. I intend to maintain
+my own children, if I go and sell matches. I won
+eight pounds odd yesterday. I squandered one
+pound, I keep two to make a fresh start, and you
+have the rest. While this heart shall beat&mdash;yes,
+while memory holds her seat, as the poet says, you
+are dear to me. Once more, in the poet's words, I
+grapple you to my soul with hoops of steel. What
+has come over me I do not know, and when I wake to
+the fact of my degradation I go madly to the drink
+again. But I will try, and I implore your forgiveness.
+I cannot hope to see you often, and it is better that I
+should not, for I am worthless. But think of me,
+and, if I fall again and again, believe me that I shall
+go on striving to do better.&mdash;Until death, I am your
+loving, <span class="smcap">W. Devine.</span>"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"We don't want none of his 'oss-racin' money.
+Send it back, my gal," growled old Billiter when he
+saw this letter. But the poor woman would not hurt
+her husband.</p>
+
+<p>Devine found all respectable employments closed to
+him, and he was often in desperate straits; but he
+would always contrive to send something, if it were
+only a half-crown, toward the support of his children.
+When he reached the Nadir of shabbiness, he touted
+in Piccadilly among the cabs, and picked up a few
+coppers in that way. For days he could abstain from
+drink, but that curse never left him, and he broke
+down again and again, only to repent and strive more
+fervently than ever. Alas! how weak we are.
+Surely we should help each other. I am often tempted
+to forget there is evil in the world. There are
+moments when I can almost pardon myself, but that
+is too hard. Devine said he could not see Letty
+often. He only saw her once more. She was ailing
+and weakly, and one day she put her arms round her
+father's neck, and whispered to him. He started, and
+growled, "All right, my gal; I deny you nothin'.
+Only I'll go out of the 'ouse before he comes."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>So William Devine was summoned, and he found
+his wife propped up in bed. Her hands were frail,
+and the bones of her arms stood out sharply. The
+man was choking, Letty made an effort, lifted her
+arms, and drew him down to her with an ineffable
+gesture of tenderness. "Oh, Will, I'm glad you've
+come. How happy we were&mdash;how happy! I forget
+everything but that." Devine could not speak for a
+while. Letty said:</p>
+
+<p>"You'll always be near the children, won't you?"</p>
+
+<p>"So help me God! I'll give up my life to them."</p>
+
+<p>Then the doctor came, and the Wanderer saw his
+stricken wife no more.</p>
+
+<p>Devine bore many hardships before he was able to
+claim his children, and even when he had rigged up a
+house fit to shelter them he was vigorously opposed
+by old Billiter. But he got his own way, and Letty's
+children joined their father.</p>
+
+<p>And now I must speak of a strange thing. The
+room which the Wanderer occupies is bare of every
+comfort. When we sit together we rest our glasses
+on the mantelpiece (for there is no table), and our feet
+are on the boards. But one night Devine said,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>
+"Come up and see my pets in bed." The young
+people were disposed in two absolutely comfortable
+rooms. Everything was neat and clean, and there
+were signs even of luxury. <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original didn't have the opening double quote.">"How</ins> is this? Squalor
+below, comfort here," I thought. A little girl who
+was awake said, "Kiss me, papa, dear." Her nightgown
+was white and pretty. All the clothes that lay
+around were good. "Now, see the children's room,"
+said my seedy host. "They live <i>there</i>." And,
+behold! a perfectly comfortable place, fitted up with
+strong, good furniture.</p>
+
+<p>When we went down, the Wanderer helped himself
+from my flask. Then, with majesty, he observed,
+"You marvel to see me so shabby? Sir, you must
+know that I wear my clothes till they are falling to
+pieces. I deny myself everything but the booze, and
+I never start on that till I've handed my daughter&mdash;bless
+her!&mdash;the best part of the money. I made a
+promise to a saint, sir. I couldn't drop the liquor.
+It's my master, so I fight as long as I can and get
+better as soon as possible after it's over. I'm wrong
+to give way and spend money on it. I can't help
+myself. But I give all but my drink-money to them.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>
+Sir, I am content to meet the scoffs of respectability;
+I think only of my children in my sober moments.
+On the racecourse I'm a gambler, I'm a blackleg (if
+you believe all you hear); but when the horses are
+passing the post and all the people are mad, I am
+quite quiet. I pray sir, to win; but I only pray
+because my children's faces are before me. Yes, sir,
+take away the drink and give me a chance of honest
+work and I might nearly be a good man."</p>
+
+<p>The fellow's face grew almost youthful as he
+spouted, and I thought, "That little girl upstairs is
+very young. Her father is not an old man after all."
+Old he looks&mdash;battered, scared, frail; but he has a
+young heart. What a compound! The more I
+meditate, the more I am convinced that we shall have
+to invent a new morality. The standards whereby
+we judge men are far too rigid. Who shall say that
+Devine is bad? He is a victim to the disease of
+alcoholism, and his disease brings with it fits of selfishness.
+But there is another Devine&mdash;the real man&mdash;who
+is neither diseased nor selfish; and both are
+labelled as disreputable. When next I see poor Billy
+on the floor after his yelling fit I shall think of him in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>
+a friendly way. More than ever I am convinced by
+his fate that all the high-flying legislation, all the
+preaching of morality, all pulpit abstractions count for
+nothing. The best men must try by strenuous individual
+exertions to combat the subtle curse which has
+converted the good, generous Billy Devine into a mean
+debauch&eacute;. I am out of it. I smoke with Billy, I
+clink glasses with Billy, I laugh at Billy's declamations,
+and I am often muddled when I leave Billy
+in the morning. He illustrates sordidly a chapter of
+England's history. I wish he didn't.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_ROBBERY" id="THE_ROBBERY"></a>THE ROBBERY.</h2>
+
+<p>I was robbed last night, and it served me right for
+being a fool. A seedy, down-looking man hangs
+about The Chequers all day, and he never does any
+work except stick up the pins in the skittle alley.
+He has a sly, secret look, and I fancy he is one of
+the stupid class of criminals. We often talk together,
+but there is not much to be got out of him; he usually
+keeps his eye on someone else's pewter, and he is
+catholic in his taste for drinks. Of late he has been
+accompanied by three other persons&mdash;a stout, slatternly
+woman, whom he named as his wife; a rather
+pretty, snub-nosed girl, who dresses in tawdry prints;
+and a red-faced, thick-set, dark fellow, who grins perpetually
+and shows a nice set of teeth. The elder
+man confidentially informed me that the stout young
+man was his son-in-law.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>We had been a long time acquainted before I learned
+anything definite about these four. The girl usually
+arrives about half-past ten; she spends money freely,
+and the four always take home a huge can of beer.
+Some while ago the young man&mdash;Blackey he is nicknamed&mdash;went
+out, and I followed him quietly. He
+had been affable with me all the evening, and went so
+far as to offer me a drink. It struck me that he was
+indirectly trying to pump me, for he said, "You don't
+talk like none of us. I reckon you've been on the
+road." Moreover, when we met he had saluted me
+thus, "Sarishan Pala. Kushto Bak," and this salutation
+happens to be Rommany. As we pursued our
+talk, he inquired, "You rakker Rommanis?" (You
+speak the gipsy tongue?) and I answered, "Avo." I
+could see that he wanted to establish some bond of
+communication between us, and that was why I followed
+him. As I quietly came up behind him he said,
+"That's tacho like my dad. I dicked a bar and a
+pash-crooner." (That's as true as can be. I saw a
+sovereign and a half-crown.) He was not comfortable
+when he saw me, and I knew I had been a fool to let
+him know that I spoke Rommany. However, I passed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span>
+on as if I had not heard a word. The fellow had no
+doubt been told that I was a tramp, and he put a feeler
+to find out whether I knew the language of the road.
+Next day we met very early. I had stayed out all
+night with some poachers, and I was in The Chequers
+by half-past seven in the morning. Master Blackey
+was there also, and we exchanged greetings. He was
+blotchy and his eyes seemed heavy; moreover, he was
+without a drink, and I correctly guessed that he had
+no money. My evil genius prompted me to ask for
+brandy-and-soda, which was the last thing I should
+have done, and Blackey said, "Us blokes can't go for
+sixpenny drinks. Let me 'ave a drappie levinor." The
+gipsy word for ale was quietly dropped in, and I
+ordered the right stuff as if nothing unusual had been
+said. Then it flashed on me. "This beauty has
+heard of me from the Suffolk gipsies; he knows that
+I carry money sometimes, and he wants to find out
+if I am really the laulo <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original didn't have the closing double quote.">Rye."</ins> (The Surrey Roms call
+me the Boro Rye; the Suffolk Roms call me laulo
+<ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original didn't have the closing parenthesis.">Rye.)</ins></p>
+
+<p>For a good while after this the times seemed to be
+rather bad for the four companions. Several times I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>
+saw Blackey mutter savagely when the girl came in,
+and it was easy to see that he was not a full-blood
+gipsy, or he would never have threatened to strike her
+in a public bar. Then it happened that I heard a yell
+one night as I was stealing around the by-streets after
+most of the drunken people had gone home. A man's
+voice growled harshly&mdash;it was like the snarl of a wild
+beast,&mdash;"Three nights you done no good. Blarst yer
+slobberin'! you ain't got no more savvey than a blank
+blank cow. I'd put a new head on yer for tuppence."</p>
+
+<p>A woman answered, "You've struck me, you swine;
+and if I've got a black eye I'll quod you, sure as I'm
+yere. Ain't I lushed you, and fed you, and found
+your clobber long enough?"</p>
+
+<p>"Garn, you farthin' face! Shet your neck."</p>
+
+<p>"All very fine, Mister Blackey, but how would you
+like a smack in the bloomin' eye? I done the best as
+I knew for you, and there ain't a bloke round as has a
+judy wot'll go where I goes and hand over the
+wongur."</p>
+
+<p>"Never mind, I was waxy when I done it. Maybe
+we'll 'ave some luck to morrow'."</p>
+
+<p>I was hidden all this time, and I kept very quiet<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>
+until the pair moved away. Over my last pipe I had
+many meditations, and formed my own conclusions
+about Master Blackey.</p>
+
+<p>There are, as I have said, thousands of fellows who
+have never done any work, and never mean to do any;
+they are born in various grades of life; the public-house
+is their temple; they live well and lie warm,
+and you can see a fine set of them in the full flush of
+their hoggish jollity at any suburban race meeting.
+Blackey was a fair specimen of his tribe; they are
+often pleasant and plausible in a certain way, and it is
+really a pity that they cannot be forcibly drafted into
+the army, for they are always men of fine physique.
+They are vermin, if you like, but how admirably we
+protect them, and how convenient are the houses of
+call which we provide for them.</p>
+
+<p>I went warily to work with Blackey, but I was resolved
+all the same to see him in his home. It happens
+that even Blackey's household has a hanger-on,
+who also happens to be a parasite of mine. He is a
+lanky, weedy lad, with a foxy face. His dark,
+oblique-set eyes, his high cheek-bones, his sharp chin,
+are vulpine to the last degree, and, as he slouches<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>
+along with his shoulders rucked up and his knees bent,
+he looks like the Representative Thief. He is called
+Patsey, and I frequently spare him a copper; but his
+chief patron is Blackey, who often hands him the dregs
+of a pot of beer.</p>
+
+<p>Yesterday morning Patsey waylaid me, but I waved
+him off. At night he caught me going in at the back
+gate of The Chequers; his hand trembled as he
+clutched my arm, and he said with chattering teeth,
+"Give me a dollar, and I'll tell you somethin'."</p>
+
+<p>"Tell me the something first, and then we'll see
+about the dollar."</p>
+
+<p>"Don't you go near Blackey's place to-night.
+They're a goin' to ast you if they kin. Blackey's
+found out as you've got respectable relations as
+wouldn't like to see your name in the papers, and he's
+goin' to 'ave a new lay on. 'Taint no bloomin' error
+neither. The gal&mdash;Tilley, don't-cherknow&mdash;she'll
+say, 'I'll walk home with you a bit,' when Blackey's
+out. He meets you, and he says, 'Wot 'cher doin'
+'long o' my wife? Didn't I trust you at home? I'll
+expose you.' <i>She ain't no more his wife than I am</i>,
+so you look out."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"That's worth a dollar, Patsey. Now sneak you
+into the stables, and don't come near me all night."</p>
+
+<p>I was quite at ease, and became convivial with
+Blackey and his worthy father-in-law. The only thing
+that worried me was the knowledge that I had one
+note in my watch-pocket besides my loose spending
+money. Still I felt sure of dodging the gang, and I
+tried to appear innocent as possible while the artless
+Blackey offered me liquor after liquor; and he
+remarked at about ten, "My missus orfen says to me,
+'Why don't you fetch him home?' she says. If he
+brings a bottle we'll find our lot, and he'll be just as
+jolly as he is at Billy Devine's. What say to come
+down to-night?"</p>
+
+<p>"All right, only not too late."</p>
+
+<p>At twelve we departed, and I was taken to a row of
+low cottages, which, however, were fairly solid and
+neat. At first we sat in a kitchen, and I was accommodated
+with a tub for a seat. Our light came from
+the fire and a dull lamp, which only made a reddened
+twilight in the air. The fat woman watched me like
+a cat, and I fancied that her mouth was like that of a
+carnivorous beast. The sly old man looked on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>
+ground, but his stealthy eye&mdash;like the eye of a
+cunning magpie&mdash;glittered sometimes as he turned it
+on me. Blackey was most cordial, and soon proposed
+a song. He obliged first, and warbled some ghastly
+affair which aimed at being nautical in sentiment.
+The chorus contained some observations like "Hilley-hiley-Hilley-ho,"
+and it also gave us the information
+that gentleman named Jack would shortly come home
+from the sea. The thing was a silly Cockney travesty
+of a sailor's song, but we were all pleased with it, and
+it led the way nicely to the girl's ditty, which stated
+that somebody was going sailing, sailing, over the
+bounding main (sailors always mention the sea as the
+bounding main), and by easy steps we got to the fat
+woman's "Banks of Hallan Worrrtter." We were a
+jovial company: four of us were wondering how they
+could rob the fifth, and that fifth resolved, quite early
+in this s&egrave;ance, to use his knuckle-duster promptly,
+and to prevent either of the male warblers from getting
+behind him, at any risk. About three o'clock the
+junior lady placed herself on my knee, and her
+husband approvingly described her as a bloomin'
+baggage. I did not like the special perfume which my<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span>
+friend employed for her hair, and I also disliked the
+evidences which went to prove that the bath was not
+her favourite luxury; but we did not fall out, and,
+after a spell of sprightly song, we all indulged in a
+dance of the most spirited description. Drink was
+plentiful, and, as I saw I was being plied very freely,
+I pretended to be eager for more. This modified the
+strategy of my friends, for they were reasonably
+anxious to secure a skinful, and they feared lest my
+powers might prove to be abnormal. Four watching
+like wild beasts! One waiting, and calculating
+chances! The sullen, grey-eyed old man had taken
+on the aspect of a ferret; the fat woman was like that
+awful wretch who meets the pale girl in Hogarth's
+"Marriage &agrave; la Mode;" the bastard gipsy smiled in
+"leary" fashion, as if he were coming up for the
+second round of a fight, and knew that he had it all
+own way. I pumped up jokes, and my snub-nosed
+charmer pretended to laugh. Ah! what a laugh.</p>
+
+<p>This was the position when Blackey declared that
+he must go. "Got to shunt, old man? You squat
+still, now, and git through that there lotion. I got to
+go to market, and we ain't no bloomin' moke. I'm on<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>
+on my stand ten o'clock&mdash;no later&mdash;and that wants
+doin'. The missus'll fetch me some corrfee, and,
+hear you, put a nip o' that booze in. It warms yer
+liver up. By-by. Mind you stay, now, and no faint
+hearts. Mother, up with your heavy wet, and try
+suthin' short. I'm off!"</p>
+
+<p>With an ostentatious farewell, the excellent Blackey
+stumped off, and the four remaining revellers became
+staid.</p>
+
+<p>"'Ard times," said the ferret-faced man; "but
+we've 'ad <i>one</i> good night out on it anyways."</p>
+
+<p>"How do you make your living, may I ask, if that's
+a fair question, mate?" This question was addressed
+by <i>me</i> to the sly man, and he was embarrassed.</p>
+
+<p>"Livin'! 'Taint no livin'. It's lingerin'. Leastways
+it would be if it wasn't for my gell, Tilley, there.
+'Er and 'er 'usban' gives us a 'and; an' if you've got
+a bit about you you might 'elp us put our copper to
+rights. Got a thick 'un? I'll pay it back, s'elp me
+Gord, if the missus can start laundryin' agin'."</p>
+
+<p>I saw that this meant "Show us which pocket you
+keep your money in," so I shamelessly said, "I'll put
+that square in the morning, governor." Then some<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>
+silly small-talk&mdash;petty as children's babble, low as the
+cackle of the bar&mdash;went on, and I found myself somehow
+left alone with the snub-nosed young person.
+She was evidently in some trouble, and I was the
+more interested about her in that I chanced to look at
+a side window, and found the fat, carnivorous woman
+and the down-looking man surveying us with interest,
+under the impression that they were invisible.</p>
+
+<p>Now, I have never cared for talking to girls of
+her class, for I do not like them. All talk about
+soiled doves and the rest is mere nauseous twaddle,
+arising from ignorance. The creatures take to their
+rackety life because they like it, and, though I have
+met some good and kind members of their class, I
+have observed that the majority are rapacious, cruel,
+and devoid of every human sentiment that does not
+hinge on hunger or vanity. You may treat a man as
+an equal in spite of his vices, and do no harm, but to
+treat a woman as an equal <i>because</i> of her vices is worse
+than folly. This silly creature proposed to brush my
+hair. I had encouraged her to familiarity, so I did
+not object to the toilet process, but I did most strongly
+object to sniffing at a bottle which she said would<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span>
+"freshen me up amazing." She withdrew the cork,
+and memories of the college laboratory struck at my
+brain with sudden violence on the instant. The
+unforgettable odour of ethyllic chloride caught at my
+nerves, and I politely rose.</p>
+
+<p>"Pardon me, I must go. It will be daylight in
+half an hour," I said, for I saw that merry Miss
+Tilley had been ready to supplement Blackey's device
+by a second trick.</p>
+
+<p>"I'll come with you a little way. You're dotty a
+bit."</p>
+
+<p>I reached the fresh air and quietly said, "No, you
+mustn't. The men are going to factory up by the
+Fawcett-road, and every second man we meet will
+know us."</p>
+
+<p>Miss Tilley muttered something, but she preserved
+her smile and only said, "I tell my husband as you
+took care of us."</p>
+
+<p>As I stole through the heavy fog I thought, "Now,
+what business had I there? If my mother had
+seen that wretched servant girl brushing my hair the
+old lady would have died&mdash;I, the child of many
+prayers, the hope of a house, and stumping home on a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>
+foggy morning after sitting among the scum of earth
+all night. I mean to be a philosopher, but what
+a beastly, silly school to cultivate political philosophy
+in! What do I know more than I knew before?&mdash;that
+one vulgar girl maintains three vulgar criminals,
+and that all the four will come whining to the workhouse
+when the game is played out and they can rob
+no one else. They are creatures whose vices and
+idleness and general villany are engendered amid
+drink. They are the foul fungi that fatten on the
+walls of the public-house; that is all. And I have
+given them more drink only to see them plan a robbery.
+Seventy thousand of them in London? Yes. But
+supposing a few thousands of <i>us</i>, instead of being
+indifferent, instead of 'exploring' in my harum-scarum
+way, go to work and try to give these creatures a
+chance of living human lives? What then? Would
+Blackey or the girl or the wicked old folk have gone
+to the bar and eaten away their morality with alcohol
+if they had not been driven out by the stinking
+dulness of that kitchen? I don't know. I only
+know that when this spell is over I shall have some
+corrections to address to the people who stick up<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>
+institutes, and organise charitable funds. I can offer
+myself as the horrid example, if they like, and that
+should impress them."</p>
+
+<p>Then my musings were checked, for I had to cross
+a wooden bridge over the odious stream that poisoned
+Teddy, and the fog was like flying gruel. Carefully I
+picked my way over the bridge, and aimed for the
+dark, narrow lane that led towards my abode. I
+remember thinking, "What a place this would be if
+we were troubled with footpads!" Then came a pause.
+Now you know how sound travels in a fog? I saw
+two posts standing shadowily before me; then the
+posts appeared to fade away, or to be closed up in the
+brown haze; then I distinctly heard a whisper, "He
+ain't got her with him. You come after me." I was
+stooping, and peering to find out who whispered.
+Wrench! I grasped at my neck. Crack! A sound
+like the clanking of chains rattled in my head; a flash
+of many coloured flame shot before my eyes; a
+hundred memories came vividly to me, and I thought I
+was a boy again, and then I remember no more, until
+some voice said, "Feelin' better?"</p>
+
+<p>I was a little sick, and my head was bleeding, but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>
+otherwise I had suffered no harm, and I could walk.
+It was as though I had received a knock-down blow in
+a fight, and that does not hurt one for long. But
+how lucky that the water was out of the mill stream!
+I had been pitched into about six inches of water, and
+a policeman who heard the splash jumped over some
+rails, and cut across a private paddock in time to save
+me from being smothered in the mud. It is now
+midnight; I have a man with me, and I am not quite
+so vigorous as I could wish, but my head is clear, and
+to-morrow there will only be the criss-cross mass of
+sticking-plaster to tell that I have been felled and
+robbed. I shall try to pay Mr. Blackey out. Meantime
+the police and public should remember that many
+men in London pick up a living by arranging humorous
+little midnight interviews like that which I went
+through. Only the professionals work on the Thames
+Embankment, and the "bashed" man, instead of
+going into six inches of mud, never is heard of again
+till his carcass is brought before the coroner.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="ONE_OF_OUR_ENTERTAINMENTS" id="ONE_OF_OUR_ENTERTAINMENTS"></a>ONE OF OUR ENTERTAINMENTS.</h2>
+
+<p>We have lately had "sport" brought to our very
+doors, and a pretty crew offered themselves for
+my study. In the diseased life of the city many
+odious human types are developed, but none are so
+horrible as those that crop up at sporting gatherings
+of various sorts. I have never doubted the existence
+of an impartial, beneficent Ruling Power save when
+I have been among the scum of the sporting meetings.
+At those times I often failed to understand why a good
+God could permit beings to remain on earth whose
+very presence seems at once to insult the pure sky
+and the memory of Christ. If you go away for a few
+weeks and live among simple fishermen or hinds you
+become proud of your countrymen. On wild nights,
+when the black waves galloped down on our vessel and
+crashed along our decks, I have felt my heart glow as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>
+I watched the cool seamen picking up their ropes
+and working deftly on amid the roaring darkness.
+The fishers are sober, splendid men, who face death
+with never a tremor, and toil on usefully day after
+day. Come away from their broad, sane simplicity
+and courage, and look upon the infamous hounds who
+are bred in the congested regions&mdash;you are sickened
+and depressed.</p>
+
+<p>I notice that the sporting gang talk only of betting,
+thieving, whoremongering, or fighting. With regard
+to the latter pursuit, their views are distinctly peculiar.
+A sudden, murderous rush in a crowded bar, a quick, sly
+blow, and a run away&mdash;that is their notion of a manly
+combat. In the days of the Tipton Slasher two
+Englishmen would fight fairly like bulldogs for an hour
+at a stretch; no man thought of crowing about a
+chance bit of bloodshed, or even a knock-down, for it
+was understood that the combatants should fight on
+until one could not rise; then they shook hands, and
+were friends. But the brutes whom I now see are
+transformed Englishmen; they know that a fair upstanding
+contest would not suit them, and their object
+is to land one cunning blow, then to make as much<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span>
+noise as possible so as to attract attention. It is
+cruelly funny to see a gaping blackguard, who has
+chanced to give someone a black eye or a swollen nose,
+swaggering round like an absurd bantam, and posing
+as a sort of athletic champion. The gang are nearly
+always full of stories about their miserable scrambling
+fights, and anyone might fancy he had got among a
+regular corps of paladins to hear them vapour. One
+marvellously vile betting person haunts me like a
+disease. The animal has a head like a sea-urchin, his
+lips are blubbery, his tongue is too big for his mouth,
+and his face is like one that you see in a nightmare.
+The ugly head is stuck on a body which resembles a
+sack of rancid engine grease. This beauty is a fairly
+representative specimen of our bold sportsmen. He
+is a deft swindler, and I have gazed with blank
+innocence while he rooked some courageous simpleton
+at tossing. The fat, rancid man can do almost as he
+chooses with a handful of coins, and the marvellous
+celerity with which sovereigns or halfpence glide
+between his podgy fingers is quite fascinating. On the
+subjects of adultery and fighting this object is great,
+and his foul voice resounds greasily amid our meetings<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>
+of brave sportsmen. He is accompanied by a choice
+selection of gay spirits, and I take leave to say that
+the popular conception of hell is quite barren and poor
+compared with the howling reality that we can show
+on any day when a little "sport" is to the fore. I
+am tolerant enough, but I do seriously think that
+there are certain assemblies which might be wiped out
+with advantage to the world by means of a judicious
+distribution of prussic acid.</p>
+
+<p>Among my weaknesses must be numbered a strong
+fancy for keeping dogs of various breeds. When you
+come to understand the animals you can make friends
+of them, and I have lived in perfect contentment for
+months at a stretch with no company but my terriers.
+A favourite terrier often goes about with me now, and
+the other day Mr. Landlord said, with insinuating
+softness, <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original lacked the opening double quote.">"We</ins> must have your pup entered for our
+coursing meeting." It mattered little to me one way
+or the other, so I paid the entrance fee, and forgot all
+about the <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original has 'enagagement'.">engagement</ins>. Coursing with terriers is a
+very popular "sport" in the south country, and the
+squat little white-and-tan dogs are bred with all the
+care that used to be bestowed on fine strains of greyhounds.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span>
+I cannot quite see where the sport comes
+in, but many men of all classes enjoy it, and I have
+no mind to find fault with a remarkable institution
+which has taken fast root in England. All coursing
+is cruel; a hare suffers the extremity of agony from
+the moment when she hears the thud of the dogs' feet
+until she is whirled round and shaken in those deadly
+jaws. I lay once amongst straggling furze while a
+hare and two greyhounds rushed down towards me.
+Puss had travelled a mile on a Suffolk marsh, and
+she was failing fast. As she neared me the greyhounds
+made a violent effort, and the foremost one
+struck just opposite my hiding-place. Never in my
+life have I seen such a picture of agony; the poor
+little beast wrung herself sharp round with a scream&mdash;such
+a scream!&mdash;and the dog only succeeded in
+snatching a mouthful of fur. He lay down, and the
+hare hobbled into the cover. I could see her tremble.
+The same sort of torture is inflicted when hares are
+bundled out of an enclosure with the rapidity and
+precision of machinery. There is a wild flurry, an
+agony of one minute or so, and all is over.</p>
+
+<p>The mystery of man's cruelty is inexplicable to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span>
+me; I feel the mad blood pouring hard when the
+quarry rushes away, and the snaky dogs dash from the
+slips; no thought of pity enters my mind for a time
+because the mysterious wild-man instinct possesses
+me, and so I suppose that the primeval hunter is
+ignobly represented by the people who go to see
+rabbit coursing. We have been refining and refining,
+and educating the people for a good while; yet our
+popular sports seems to grow more and more cruel.
+We do not bait bulls now, but we worry hares and
+rabbits by the gross, we massacre scores of pretty
+pigeons&mdash;sweet little birds that are slaughtered
+without a sign of fair play.</p>
+
+<p>Decidedly the Briton likes the savour of blood to
+mingle with his pleasures. A thousand of ordinary
+men will gather at Gateshead or Hanley and howl
+with delight when two wiry whippets worry a stupefied
+rabbit. They are decent fellows in their way, and
+they generally have a rigid idea of fairness; but they
+fail to see the unfairness of hooking a rabbit out of a
+sack and setting him to run for his life in an enclosure
+from which he cannot possibly escape. Pastimes
+that do not involve the death of something or the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>
+wagering of money are accounted tame. It is one of
+the riddles that make me wish I could not think at all.
+I give it up, for I am only a Loafer, and the dark
+problems of existence are beyond me.</p>
+
+<p>Perhaps they are beyond Mr. Herbert Spencer.</p>
+
+<p>Our ragged regiment met in a wide, quiet field.
+Nearly all my costers were about, and they cried
+"Wayo!" with cordiality. Half the company on the
+field could not muster threepence in the world; many
+of them were probably hungry; many were far gone
+in drink; but all were eager for "sport." We shall
+have some talk presently about the bitter ennui of
+the poor man's life. The existence of that deadly
+ennui never was brought before me so vividly as it was
+when I saw that queer multitude, forgetting hunger,
+cold, poverty, pain&mdash;and forgetting because they were
+about to see some rabbits worried!</p>
+
+<p>On a low stand stood a broad pair of scales and an
+immense hamper. The stand was watched by a red-faced
+merryandrew, who gibbered and yelled in a
+vigorous manner. A funny reprobate is that old
+person. Every hour of his life is given over to the
+search for excitement; he is never dull; he has a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>
+cheery word for all whom he meets; he will drink,
+fight, and even make love, with all the ardour of
+youth. When there is nothing more exciting to do,
+he will drive a trotter for twenty miles at break-neck
+pace. When he dies, his life's work may be easily
+summed up:&mdash;He drank so many quarts of ale; he
+killed so many pigeons and rabbits. Nothing more.</p>
+
+<p>My terrier made a ferocious dash at the big
+hamper, and I knew that our victims were there.
+Presently the dogs began to arrive, and I was amazed
+and amused to see some of the little brutes. They
+could no more catch a rabbit on fair ground than they
+could pull down a locomotive; but the long railway
+journey, the strange field, and the clamorous mob
+render poor Bunny almost helpless, and he gives up
+his life only too easily. The best of the terriers were
+beautiful wretches with iron muscles and a general air
+of courageous wickedness. Their bloodthirstiness was
+appalling; they knew exactly what was to happen,
+and their sharp yells of rapture made a din that set
+my head swimming. Each of them writhed and
+strained at the collar, and I caught myself wondering
+what the poor rabbits thought (can they think?) as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>
+they heard the wild chiming of that demon pack. In
+the country, when a dog gives tongue Bunny sits up
+and twirls his ears uneasily; then, even if the bark is
+heard from afar off, the little brown beast darts underground.
+Alas! there is no friendly burrow in this
+bleak field, and there is no chance of escape; for the
+merry roughs will soon finish any rabbit that shows
+the dogs a clean pair of heels.</p>
+
+<p>The ceremony of weighing was completed in a
+dignified way, and the first brace of dogs went to the
+slipper. One was a sprightly smooth terrier, with a
+long, richly-marked head; he was quivering with
+anticipation, and his demeanour offered a marked
+contrast to that of the dour, composed brute pitted
+against him. The rabbit was lifted out of the hamper
+by one of those greasy nondescript males, who are
+always to be seen when pigeon shooting or coursing
+is going on. The greasy being held the rabbit by the
+ears, and put it temptingly near the dogs. The
+sprightly terrier went clean demented; the sullen one
+stood with thoughtful earnestness waiting for a chance
+to catch the start. When the rabbit was put down it
+cowered low and seemed trying to shrink into the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>
+ground; its ears were pressed hard back, its head was
+pressed closely to the grass, and it was huddled in an
+ecstasy of terror. Of course that is quite usual, but
+we practical sportsmen cannot waste time over the
+sentimental terrors of a rabbit. The greasy man
+uttered a howl, and Bunny started up, ran in a circle,
+and then set off for the fence. I was struck by the
+animal's mode of running. For hours I have watched
+them feeding, at early morning or sundown, and I
+have noticed that as they shifted from place to place
+they moved with a slow kind of hop, gathering their
+hind legs under them at each stride. When Bunny is
+on his own ground he is one of the fastest of four-footed
+things. He lays himself down to the ground,
+and travels at such a terrific pace for about forty
+yards that he looks like a mere streak on the ground.
+I never yet saw a terrier that could turn a rabbit unless
+Bunny was imprudent enough to wander more than
+one hundred yards from home. But this wretched
+brute in our field was moving at the pace proper to
+feeding time, and, judging by its deliberate sluggishness,
+it seemed to be inviting death. When the
+short pitter-patter of the terriers' feet sounded on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>
+grass, Bunny made a clumsy attempt to quicken his
+pace; the leading dog plunged at him, and by a convulsive
+effort the rabbit managed to swirl round and
+get clear. Then the second dog shot in; then came
+one or two quick, nervous jerks from side to side;
+then the beaten creature faltered, and was instantly
+seized and swung into the air. A good wild rabbit
+would have been half-way across the next field, but
+that unhappy invalid had no chance.</p>
+
+<p>The other courses were of much the same character,
+for the rabbit, being used to run on a beaten
+path, has not the resource and dexterity of the hare.
+One strong specimen distanced the pair of tiny weeds
+that were set after him, but the pack of roughs were
+whooping at the border of the field, and the doomed
+rabbit was soon clutched and pocketed.</p>
+
+<p>The betting was furious; a few hard-faced, well-dressed
+men did their wagering quietly and to heavy
+amounts, but the mob yelled and squabbled and cursed
+after their usual manner, and they were all ready to
+drink when we returned. This is a fair description
+of rabbit coursing, and I leave influential persons to
+decide as to whether or no it is a useful or improving<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>
+form of entertainment. I have my doubts, but must
+be severely impartial. I will say this, however, that
+if any one of us had spent the afternoon over a good
+novel, or something of that kind, he would have been
+taken out of himself, and, when he rose, his mind
+would have been filled with quiet and gracious
+thoughts. Our gang were suffering from a form of
+the lust for blood; they were thirsty, and they were
+possessed by that species of excitement which
+makes a man ready to turn savage on any, or no,
+provocation.</p>
+
+<p>The bar was like the place of damned souls until
+eight o'clock: everybody roared at the top of his
+voice; nobody listened to anybody else, and everybody
+drank more or less feverishly. We had a supper to
+celebrate the destruction of the rabbits, and afterwards
+the truculent gentlemen, who had bellowed so
+vigorously in the field, sang sentimental songs about
+"Mother, dear mother," "Stay with me, my darling,
+stay," or patriotic songs referring to an article of
+drapery known as "The Flag of Old Hengland."</p>
+
+<p>For half-an-hour our intricate choruses resounded
+as we went in groups deviously homeward, and a few<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>
+members of our sporting flock dotted the paths at
+wide intervals.</p>
+
+<p>That kind of thing goes on all over the country in
+the winter time. It is not for me to preach, but I
+must say that it seems to be a barren kind of game.
+Can any man of the crowd think kindly or clearly
+about any subject under the sun? I fancy not. My
+own real idea of the character of the various mobs
+that see the rabbits die is such that I could not
+venture to frame it in words. The sport is so mean,
+so trivial, so purposeless, that I should go a long way
+to avoid seeing it now that I know the subject
+well.</p>
+
+<p>And that unspeakably atrocious pettiness forms the
+only relaxation of a very considerable number of
+Englishmen. If any member of a corporation were
+to propose that a great hall should be opened free,
+and that good music should be provided at the
+expense of the community, I suppose there would be
+a deal of grumbling; but I am ready to prove that
+expenses indirectly caused by our mad "sporting"
+would more than cover the cost of a rational spell of
+pleasure.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Honourable gentlemen and worthy aldermen are
+allowing a great mass of people to remain in a
+brutalised condition; those people only derive pleasure
+from the suffering of dumb creatures.</p>
+
+<p>How will it be if the callous crew take it into their
+heads at some or other to show restiveness? Will they
+deal gently or thoughtfully with those against whom
+their enmity is turned? Certainly their education by
+no means tends to foster gentleness and thoughtfulness.
+If I were a statesman instead of a Loafer, I
+reckon I should try might and main to humanise
+those neglected folk&mdash;and they <i>are</i> neglected&mdash;before
+they teach some of us a terrific lesson.</p>
+
+<p>I see that one "Walter Besant" has some capital
+notions concerning the subject which I have ventured
+to touch on. If he were a rough&mdash;as I am during
+much of my time&mdash;he would be able to talk more
+to the purpose. Still, I deliberately say that that
+novelist, who is often treated as a moony creature, is
+a very wise and practical statesman, and he has used
+his opportunities well. If powerful people do not very
+soon pay heed to his message, they will have reason
+for regret.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The worst of it is that one is constantly being
+forced to wonder whether culture is of any use. For
+instance, on the day after the coursing, I fell in with
+a smart lad who loafs about race meetings, and who
+sometimes visits the landlord's parlour at the
+Chequers. He has been a year out of Oxford, and
+he is rather a pretty hand at classics; yet he tries to
+look and talk like a jockey, and his mother has to
+keep him because he won't do any work. A shrewd
+little thing he is, and this is how we talked:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Shall I drive you over to the meeting to-morrow?"</p>
+
+<p>"If you like."</p>
+
+<p>"We can do a bit together if you'll dress yourself
+decently. Barrett says there's a new hunter coming
+out. It could win the Cesarewitch with 8st. 4lb., but
+they mean keeping his hunter's certificate. Put a bit
+on."</p>
+
+<p>"Wait till we see."</p>
+
+<p>"Lord! If I could get the mater to part&mdash;only a
+pony&mdash;I'd buy a satchel and start bookmaking in the
+half-crown ring myself. It's Tom Tiddler's ground if
+you've got a nut on you."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Queer work for a 'Varsity man?"</p>
+
+<p>"Deed sight better than bear-leading, or going
+usher in a school. Fun! Change! Fly about!
+What more do you want?"</p>
+
+<p>"Do you like to hear the ring curse? Dick and
+Alf often make me goose-skinned."</p>
+
+<p>"What matter, so you cop the ready?"</p>
+
+<p>"Do you read now?"</p>
+
+<p>"Not such a Juggins. I think my Oxford time
+was all wasted. Of course, I liked to hear Jowett
+palaver, and it was quiet and nice enough; but give
+me life. Bet all day; dinner at the Rainbow, Pav.,
+or Trocad&eacute;ro, and Globe to finish up. That's life!"</p>
+
+<p>If anyone had chances this youth had them, and
+now his ambition is to bet half-crowns with the riddlings
+of Creation. This universe is getting to be a
+little too much for me. Come down, pipe; I shall go
+in the Chequers parlour to-night, and play the settled
+citizen.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="MERRY_JERRY_AND_HIS_FRIENDS" id="MERRY_JERRY_AND_HIS_FRIENDS"></a>MERRY JERRY AND HIS FRIENDS.</h2>
+
+
+<p>I never saw such a cheerful face as Jerry's.
+Master Blackey can smile and smile; he can
+smile on me even now, though I know almost to a
+certainty that it was he who left that discoloured ring
+round my throat not long ago. But Blackey can
+scowl also, whereas Jerry never ceases to look
+benignant and jolly. He is a fine young fellow is
+Jerry, six feet high, straight as a lance, ruddy, clear-skinned,
+and with the bluest, brightest eye you can
+see. When he walks he is upright and stately as the
+best of Guardsmen, without any military stiffness;
+when he spars he is active as a leopard, and his mode
+of landing with his left is at once terrible and artistic.
+Sometimes he drinks a little too much, and then his
+sweet smile becomes fatuous, but he never is unpleasant.
+The girls from the factory admire him<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>
+sincerely; they call him Merry Jerry, and he accepts
+their homage with serenity. He never takes the
+trouble to show any deference towards his admirers;
+their amorous glances and giggling are inevitable
+tributes to his fascinations, and he takes it all as a
+matter of course. Like Blackey and the Ramper,
+Jerry never does any work, and he is supposed to have
+private means. His speech is quite correct, and even
+elegant, and although he does not converse on exalted
+topics, he is a singularly pleasant companion in his
+way. Most of his talk is about horse-racing, and he
+never reads anything but the sporting papers. In that
+taste he resembles most of those who go to The
+Chequers. The wrangling, the cursing, the whispered
+confidences that make up the nightly volume of noise
+nearly all have reference to racing subjects. The
+raggedest wretch at the bar puts on horsey airs when
+any great race is to be decided; he may not know a
+horse from a mule, but he invariably volunteers his
+opinion, and if he can raise a shilling he backs his
+fancy. Polite gentlemen in Parliament and elsewhere
+do not appear to know that there are something like
+one million British adults whose chief interest in life<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span>
+(apart from their necessary daily work) is centred on
+racing. I think I know almost every town in England,
+and I never yet in all my wanderings settled at an inn
+without finding that betting of some sort or other
+formed the main subject of conversation. Hundreds
+of times&mdash;literally hundreds&mdash;I have known whole
+evenings devoted to discussing the odds. The
+gamblers were usually men who did not care to see
+horses gallop; they chatted about names, and that
+satisfied them. A clerk, a mechanic, a tradesman, a
+traveller, a publican asks his friend what he has done
+over such and such a race, just as he asks after the
+friend's health. It is taken for granted that everybody
+bets, and really intelligent fellows will stare at
+you in astonishment if you say that you are not
+interested in the result of a race. If I chose to make
+a book&mdash;only dealing in small sums&mdash;I could contrive
+to win a fair amount every week by merely "betting
+to figures." The bookmaker does not need to visit a
+racecourse; he is required to work out a sort of
+algebraical problem on each race, and, by exercising a
+little shrewdness, he may leave himself a small balance
+on every event. Small sums in silver are always<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span>
+forthcoming to almost any extent, and a clever man
+who has no more than &pound;100 capital to start with may
+pitch his tent almost anywhere, and make sure of
+getting plenty of custom. People speak of the Italians
+as gamblers, but in Italy gambling is not nearly so
+prevalent as in England. In Manchester alone one
+sporting journal has a morning and evening edition,
+and there are daily papers in most of the large Yorkshire
+towns. In the North-country I have often
+watched the workmen during the breakfast half-hour,
+and found that they did not care a rush for anything
+in the paper save the sporting news. In London
+two great journals are published daily, and twice a
+week each of them issues a double number. Every
+line of these papers is devoted to sport, and each of
+them is a rich estate to the proprietor.</p>
+
+<p>The mania for betting grows more acute every day,
+the number of wealthy bookmakers increases, and the
+national demoralisation has reached a depth which
+would seem inconceivable to anyone who has not
+lived with all sorts and conditions of men. A racing
+man is apt to become incapable of concentrating his
+mind on anything except his one pursuit. Hundreds<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>
+of thoughtful and cultured people race a little and bet
+a little by way of relaxation; but these take no harm.
+It is the ignorant, ill-balanced folk, without higher
+interests, who suffer.</p>
+
+<p>Well-meaning persons spend money on respectable
+institutes for working men, but the men do not care
+for staid, dull proceedings after their work is over;
+they want excitement. A moderately heavy bet
+supplies them with a topic for conversation; it gives
+them all the keen pleasures of anticipation as the day
+of the race draws near, and when they open the paper
+to see the final result they are thrilled just as a
+gambler is thrilled when he throws the dice. No
+wonder that the mild and moral places of recreation
+are left empty; no wonder that the public-houses are
+well filled. If I were asked to name two things which
+interest the English nation to the supreme degree, I
+should say&mdash;first, Sport; second, Drink. If the
+strongest Ministry that ever took office attempted to
+make betting a criminal offence, they would be turned
+out in a month. Betting is now not a casual amusement,
+but a serious national pursuit. The perfect
+honesty with which payments are made by agents is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span>
+amazing. A man who bets on commission for others
+may have &pound;100,000 to lay out on a race; every
+farthing is accounted for, and dishonesty among the
+higher grades of the betting brotherhood is practically
+unknown. It is this rigid observance of the point of
+honour that tempts people like our gang in The
+Chequers bar to risk their shillings; they know that if
+they make a right guess their payment is safe. The
+statesman who called the turf "a vast instrument of
+national demoralization" was quite right, and if he
+could have lived to take a tour round the country in
+this year of grace he would have seen the flower of
+his nation given over to mean frivolity.</p>
+
+<p>Jerry has tutored me in racing matters. He has
+not a thought that is not derived from the columns of
+the sporting prints, and his life is passed mainly in
+searching like a staunch terrier for "certainties."
+When he is disposed to be communicative, he soon
+gathers quite an audience in The Chequers, and should
+he drop a phrase like "George Robinson said to me,
+'I've made my own book for Highflyer,'" or "Charley
+White, the Duke's Motto, wouldn't lay Mountebank
+any more," the awe-stricken costers stare. Here is a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span>
+man, a regular toff, and no error&mdash;a man who knows
+such Ringmen as Robinson and White&mdash;and yet he
+will speak to ordinary coves without exhibiting the
+least pride!</p>
+
+<p>Jerry has taken me round to the best haunts where
+gallant sportsmen assemble, and for some mysterious
+reason, his escort has secured for me the most
+flattering deference. Queer holes he knows by the
+score. I thought I had seen most things; but I find
+I am a babe compared with Jerry. He once said to
+me, "Would you like to see a couple of lads set-to?
+Real good 'uns." I had seen a great number of
+encounters; but my two pounds handed over to Jerry
+procured me a sight of a battle which was the most
+desperate affair I ever witnessed. But for the close,
+oppressive atmosphere of the room where the fight
+took place, the whole business would have been
+interesting. The spectators were well dressed and
+well behaved, the boxers were beautiful athletes, and
+there was nothing repulsive about the swift exchange
+of lightning blows until the baking heat began to tell
+on the men; then it was disagreeable to see two
+gallant fellows panting and labouring for breath. We<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span>
+often hear that boxing is discredited. Rubbish! Ask
+Jerry about that, and you will learn that any company
+of men who care to subscribe &pound;25 may see a combat
+wherein science, courage, and endurance are all
+displayed lavishly.</p>
+
+<p>Jerry was much interested in dog fighting, which
+latter pleasing pastime is enjoyed quite freely in
+London to an extent that would amaze the gentlemen
+who rejoice over the decline of brutality in Britain.</p>
+
+<p>The competitive instinct which once found vent in
+fighting and conquest now works on other lines. The
+Englishman must be engaged in a contest, or he is
+unhappy, and, since he cannot now compete sword to
+sword with his fellow-creatures, he fights purse to
+purse instead. All these things I knew in a vague
+way, but Jerry has made my knowledge definite and
+secure.</p>
+
+<p>As for the man himself, I soon found that his
+"private means" were taken in various ways from
+other people's pockets. During a chat, he said,
+"You know you're not what you pretend to be. You
+hang about there, and you bet, but you never bet
+enough to make anything at it. You must have the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span>
+coins, for I've seen you spend a quid in two hours in
+the skittle-alley. But you don't seem to best anybody.
+What <i>is</i> your game? You may as well tell
+me."</p>
+
+<p>"I amuse myself in my own way, and I don't care
+to let the school know much about me."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, my game's very simple. Only a juggins or
+a horse ever works, and I don't intend to do any.
+It's just as easy to be idle as not. You take the
+fellows in town that make their living after dark, and
+you always see them having good times. There's
+some red-hot ones up&mdash;you know where&mdash;in Piccadilly;
+they never get about till close on dinner time, but they
+make up for lost time when they <i>are</i> about. I should
+like to work with you. If you were to come out a bit
+flash like me, why, with your looks and your talk and
+that <i>educated</i> kind of way you've got, you might coin
+money."</p>
+
+<p>"But you wouldn't care to work the Embankment
+and run the risk of the cat, as those Piccadilly chaps
+do?"</p>
+
+<p>"No fear. But you could do better than that.
+When you're boozed you're not in it&mdash;you lose your<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span>
+head; but when you're right you make fellows wonder
+what you are. Sink me! A flat would pal on to you
+in half an hour if you coaxed him, as you can
+do it."</p>
+
+<p>Jerry is an amusing philosopher, who could only have
+been developed in the rottenness of a decadence.
+Fancy an able-bodied, attractive fellow living with ease
+from day to day without doing a stroke of honest
+labour. He keeps clear of the police; he gratifies
+every want, yet he has the intellect of a flash potman
+and the manners of a valet. The tribe swarm in this
+city, and I reckon that they will teach us something
+when the overturn comes. They are strong and
+cunning predatory animals, who will direct weak and
+stupid predatory animals, and when the entire predatory
+tribe smash the flimsy bonds with which
+society holds them in check for the present, then
+stand by for ugly times.</p>
+
+<p>I hate the revolver, but I am glad that I took to
+carrying one in time. Jerry and I grew so intimate,
+and I saw so much of his inner mind, that I judged it
+better to make no midnight excursions in his company
+without being ready for accidents. He is most<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span>
+humorous when he has wine in him, and his humour
+is a shade too grim for my taste.</p>
+
+<p>We came home lately in a cab, after seeing a pretty
+little light-weight from Birmingham receive a severe
+dressing at the hands of a pocket Hercules from
+Bethnal Green. Jerry was in wild spirits, and his
+usual charming smile had broadened into a grin.
+Nothing would suit him but that I should go to his
+rooms.</p>
+
+<p>"My aunt keeps house for me, and she's sure to be
+up, and my sister's there as well."</p>
+
+<p>The notion of Jerry's dwelling calmly with his aunt
+and his sister was very touching, and my curiosity was
+roused. The aunt turned out to be a placid woman
+with a low voice; the sister was too florid and loud
+for my fancy. We played at whist, and in the
+intervals between the games we tested Jerry's wine.
+He has a singularly good selection. The florid nymph
+was reserved and coy at first, but as the wine mounted
+she rather astonished me by her choice of expletives.
+The merry one had become business-like, and that
+sweet smile was gone. As I looked at him I gradually
+understood that I had once more made a fool of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span>
+myself, and I vowed that if I got out safely I would go
+to The Chequers no more. Over-confidence is a bad
+fault in a prize-fighter: it is worse than that in the
+case of a man who wishes to hold his own among
+London sharps. Blackey had the best of me, and
+now I was in for a much worse business, Jerry the
+Amiable drank ostentatiously, and he was evidently
+priming himself; the sister waxed effusive, and the
+aunt took care that the points were steadily increased.
+In the early morning the Amiable suggested that I
+should stay, but I would not have slept under the
+same roof with him for gold. He then ordered his
+relatives off to bed, and they slunk away rather like
+dogs than ladies. Jerry was a masterful man. When
+all was quiet I rose to take my hat, whereupon Jerry
+remarked, "You're not going that way, are you?"</p>
+
+<p>"Must go home before it's too light."</p>
+
+<p>"You'll have another drink?"</p>
+
+<p>"No."</p>
+
+<p>"But you will!"</p>
+
+<p>The Amiable was really extremely exacting.</p>
+
+<p>"Thanks. Good morning."</p>
+
+<p>Jerry locked the door, and put his back to it. Then<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span>
+he softly said, "You've come home and taken my
+liquor; you flirt with my sister, and you're going away
+without leaving so much as a bit of gold. I'm not
+such a fool as Blackey. I know your aunt. I can
+send a newspaper to her address, and cook <i>your</i> goose.
+Suppose I make a row. I can do that, and we'll both
+be taken up for brawling outside a house of ill-fame.
+It won't matter to me; I'm used to it. But you'll be
+spoofed. Now, share up with an old pal, and I'll keep
+dark."</p>
+
+<p>I had contrived to edge away from him, and I had
+time to produce the detestable firearm in a leisurely
+way.</p>
+
+<p>"You're very kind, Jerry, my lad. I'll stay at this
+side of the room, and I shan't fire so long as you keep
+still. If you try to strike or put your hand in your
+pocket I shall pull on you; If you care to raise your
+arms over your head and move to the right-hand
+corner of the room I'll go quietly."</p>
+
+<p>Jerry reckoned up all the chances and finally edged
+away from the door.</p>
+
+<p>"Hands up, Jerry."</p>
+
+<p>He obeyed, and I escaped into the street. Jerry is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span>
+a coward at bottom, or he might have known that I
+dare not fire.</p>
+
+<p>He met me the very next day, and he wore the
+usual free, gay smile. He held out his hand and
+flashed his teeth: "Forget that nonsense last night,
+old pal. When the booze is in&mdash;you know the rest.
+I was only having a lark. What'll you have? We
+shall be glad to see you round again."</p>
+
+<p>But Mr. Landlord had dropped a word to me only
+half an hour before. Said Mr. Landlord, in answer to
+a little careless pumping, "Oh, Jerry? Well, it ain't
+no business of mine, but if it wasn't for the girls he'd
+have mighty few flash top-coats, nor beefsteaks neither
+for that matter."</p>
+
+<p>Alas! Jerry, the smiling, delightful youth, is one
+of those odious pests who hang about in sporting
+company, and who are contemned and shunned by
+respectable racing men. Said a grave turfite to me
+last week, "Call <i>those</i> sportsmen! I'd&mdash;I'd&mdash;" but
+he could not invent a doom horrid enough for them, so
+he changed the subject with a mighty snort.</p>
+
+<p>There is no knowing what gentlemen like Jerry will
+do. To call them scoundrels is to flatter them: they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span>
+are brigands, and the knifing, lounging rascals of
+Sicily and Calabria are mere children in villany
+compared with their English imitators. Places like
+The Chequers are the hunting-grounds of creatures
+like Jerry, and the bait of drink draws the victims
+thither ready to be sacrificed. A month ago four of
+Jerry's gang most heartlessly robbed a publican who
+had sold his business. He had the purchase-money
+in his pocket, and the fellows drugged him. He ought
+to have known better, seeing how often he had watched
+the brigands operating on other people; but as he lost
+&pound;700, and as his assailants are still at large with their
+shares of the spoil, we must not reproach him or add
+to his misery.</p>
+
+<p>I picked out Jerry for portraiture because he is a
+fairly typical specimen of a bad&mdash;a very bad&mdash;set.
+When the history of our decline and fall comes to be
+Written by some Australian Gibbon, the historian may
+choose the British bully and turfite to set alongside
+of the awful creatures who preyed on the rich fools of
+wicked old Rome.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_GENTLEMAN_THE_DOCTOR_AND_DICKY" id="THE_GENTLEMAN_THE_DOCTOR_AND_DICKY"></a>THE GENTLEMAN, THE DOCTOR, AND DICKY.</h2>
+
+<p>We have had enough of the roughs for a time, and
+I want now to deal with a few of the wrecks
+that I see&mdash;wrecks that started their voyage with
+every promise of prosperity. Let no young fellow
+who reads what follows fancy that he is safe. He
+may be laborious; an unguarded moment after a spell
+of severe work may see him take the first step to ruin.
+He may be brilliant: his brilliancy of intellect, by
+causing him to be courted, may lead him into idleness,
+and idleness is the bed whereon parasitic vices
+flourish rankly. Take warning.</p>
+
+<p>I was invited to go for a drive, but I had letters to
+write, and said so. A quiet old man who was sitting
+in the darkest corner of the bar spoke to me softly,
+"If your letters are merely about ordinary business,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span>
+you may dictate them to me here, and I will transcribe
+them and send them off." I replied that I could do
+them as quickly myself. The old man smiled.
+"You do not send letters in shorthand. I can take
+a hundred and forty words a minute, and you can do
+your correspondence and go away." The oddity of
+the proposal attracted me. I agreed to dictate. The
+old man took out his notebook, and in ten minutes the
+work was done. We came back in an hour, and by
+that time each letter was transcribed in a beautiful,
+delicate longhand. I handed the scribe a shilling,
+and he was satisfied. The Gentleman, as we called
+him, writes letters for anyone who can spare him a
+glass of liquor or a few coppers; but I had never
+tested his skill before. There was no one in the bar,
+so I sat down beside the old man, and we talked.</p>
+
+<p>"You seem wonderfully clever at shorthand. I am
+surprised that you haven't permanent work."</p>
+
+<p>"It would do me little good. I can go on for a
+long time, but when my fit comes on me I am not
+long in losing any job. They won't have me, friend&mdash;they
+won't have me."</p>
+
+<p>"You've been well employed, then, in your time?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original lacked the opening double quote.">"No one better.</ins> If I had command of myself, I
+might have done as well in my way as my brother has
+in his. I could beat him once, and I was quite as
+industrious as he was; but, when I came to the crossroads,
+I took the wrong turning, and here I am."</p>
+
+<p>"May I ask how your brother succeeded? I mean&mdash;what
+is he?"</p>
+
+<p>"He is Chief Justice &mdash;&mdash;."</p>
+
+<p>I found that this was quite true; indeed, the Gentleman
+was one of the most veracious men I have
+known.</p>
+
+<p>"Does your brother know how you are faring?"</p>
+
+<p>"He did know, but I never trouble him. He was
+a good fellow to me, and I have never worried him for
+years. I prefer to be dead to the world. I have
+haunted this place, as you know, for six months; to-morrow
+I may make a change, and live in another
+sty."</p>
+
+<p>"But surely you could get chance work that would
+keep you in decent clothes and food."</p>
+
+<p>"I do get many chance jobs; but if the money
+amounts to much I am apt to be taken up as drunk
+and incapable."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The sweet, quiet smile which accompanied this
+amazing statement was touching. The old man had
+a fine, thoughtful face, and only a slight bulbousness
+of the nose gave sign of his failing. Properly dressed,
+he would have looked like a professor, or doctor, or
+something of that kind. As it was, his air of good
+breeding and culture quite accounted for the name the
+people gave him. I should have found it impossible
+to imagine him in a police-cell had I not been a midnight
+wanderer for long.</p>
+
+<p>"How did you come to learn shorthand?"</p>
+
+<p>"My father was a solicitor in large practice, and I
+found I could assist him with the confidential correspondence,
+so I took lessons in White's system for a
+year. My father said I was his right hand. Ah!
+He gave me ten pounds and two days' holiday at
+Brighton when I took down his first letter."</p>
+
+<p>"Have you been a solicitor?"</p>
+
+<p>"No. I had an idea of putting my name down at
+one of the Inns, but I went wrong before anything
+came of the affair."</p>
+
+<p>"You say you have had good employment. But
+how did you contrive to separate from your father?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Oh! I wore out his patience. I was so successful
+that I thought it safe to toast my success.
+We were in a south-country town&mdash;Sussex, you know&mdash;and
+I began by hanging about the hotel in the
+market-place. Then I played cards at night with
+some of the fast hands, and was useless and shaky in
+the mornings. Then I began to have periodical fits of
+drunkenness; then I became quite untrustworthy, and
+last of all I robbed my father during a bad fit, and we
+parted."</p>
+
+<p>"And then?"</p>
+
+<p>"I picked up odd jobs for newspapers, or sponged
+on my brother. At last I was sent to the House as
+reporter, and did very well until one night when
+Palmerston was expected to make an important
+speech. My turn came, and I was blind and helpless.
+Since then I have been in place after place, but the
+end was always the same, and I have learned that I
+am a hopeless, worthless wretch."</p>
+
+<p>"But couldn't your brother, for his own credit's
+sake, keep you in his house and put you under
+treatment?"</p>
+
+<p>"My good friend, I should die under it. I revel in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span>
+degradation. I luxuriate in self-contempt. My time
+is short, and I want to pass it away speedily. This
+life suits me, for I seldom have my senses, and there
+is only the early morning to dread. I think then&mdash;think,
+think, think. Until I can scrape together my
+first liquor I see ugly things. I should be in my own
+town with my grandchildren round me. I might have
+been on the Bench, like my brother, and all men
+would have respected me as they do him. Sons and
+daughters would have gathered round me when I came
+to my last hour. I gave it all up in order to sluice
+my throat with brandy and gin. That is the way I
+think in the morning. Then I take a glass, or beg
+one, as I shall from you presently, and then I forget.
+Once I went out to commit suicide, and took three
+whiskies to string my nerve up. In two minutes I
+was laughing at a Punch and Judy show. If you'll
+kindly order a quartern of gin in a pint glass for me,
+I'll fill it up and be quite content all the evening. No
+one ill-uses me. I'm a soft, harmless, disreputable
+old ne'er-do-well. That is all."</p>
+
+<p>We drank, and then the Gentleman said, "You
+come here a good deal too much. Your hand was not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span>
+quite right yesterday morning. Usually you keep
+right, and I really don't know how far you are <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original lacked the ending period.">touched.</ins>
+If I had your youth and your appearance, I think I
+should save myself in time by a bold step. Join the
+temperance people and work publicly; then you are
+committed, and you can't step back."</p>
+
+<p>"But you don't think that I am likely to go to the
+dogs? I loaf around here because I have no
+ambition, and my life was settled for me; but I have
+command over myself."</p>
+
+<p>"You <i>had</i> command over yourself, you mean. I
+think you are in great danger&mdash;very great indeed.
+My good friend, there are <i>no</i> exceptions. Meet me
+to-night, or say to-morrow, as I am to be drunk to-night;
+go to the beer-house at the end of my street,
+and I'll show you something."</p>
+
+<p>Just then the Ramper came up and hailed the
+Gentleman. "Here you old swine! Are you sober
+enough to scratch off a letter?"</p>
+
+<p>"I'm all right."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, then, write to the usual, and tell him to
+put me on half-a-quid Sunshine, and half-a-quid Dartmoor
+a shop&mdash;s.p. both."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Thus our <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original has 'convervation'.">conversation</ins> was stopped, and the brother
+of a judge earned twopence by writing a letter for a
+racecourse thief.</p>
+
+<p>Next night I went to a very shady public-house, and
+the Gentleman led me into a dirty room, where a little
+old man was sitting alone. The man was crooked,
+wizened, weak, and his bare toes stuck out of both
+shoes; his half-rotten frock coat gaped at the breast
+and showed that he had no shirt on; his hat must
+have been picked up from a dustheap, for it was filthy,
+and broken in three or four places.</p>
+
+<p>"For mercy's sake, give me a mouthful of something!"
+said this object, turning the face of a mummy
+towards me. His dim eyes were rheumy, and his chin
+trembled. An awful sight!</p>
+
+<p>In a flash I remembered him, and cried, "What,
+Doctor!"</p>
+
+<p>He said, "I don't know you; my memory's gone.
+Send for twopenn'orth or a penn'orth of beer. Pray do."</p>
+
+<p>My young friends, that man who begged for a
+pennyworth of muddy ale was first of all a brilliant
+soldier, then a brilliant lawyer, then a brilliant
+historian. His doctor's degree&mdash;he was Doctor of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span>
+Laws&mdash;was gained by fair hard work. Think of
+that, and then look at my picture of the sodden,
+filthy scarecrow! Yes; that man began my education,
+and had I only gone straight on I should not
+be loafing about The Chequers. You ask how he
+could have anything to do with my education? Well,
+long ago I was a little bookworm, living in a lonely
+country house, and I had the run of some good
+shelves. I was only nine years old, but a huge history
+in two volumes attracted me most. I read and
+read that book until I could repeat whole pages easily,
+and even now I can go off at score if you give me a
+start.</p>
+
+<p>The Scarecrow wrote that history!</p>
+
+<p>Years afterwards I was fighting my way in London,
+and had charge of a journal which made a name in its
+day. Sometimes I had to deal with a message from
+a Minister of State, sometimes with a petition from a
+starving penny-a-liner. One day a little man was
+shown into my room, which room was instantly scented
+with whisky. He was well introduced, and I said,
+"Are you the Doctor &mdash;&mdash; who wrote the 'History
+of &mdash;&mdash;'?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"I am, sir, and proud I shall be to write for
+you."</p>
+
+<p>"What can you do?"</p>
+
+<p>"Here's a specimen."</p>
+
+<p>The MS. was a bundle of bills from a public-house,
+and the blank side was utilised. The Doctor never
+wasted money on paper when he could avoid it. The
+stuff was feeble, involved, useless. My face must
+have fallen, for the piteous Scarecrow said, "I have
+not your approval."</p>
+
+<p>"We cannot use this."</p>
+
+<p>Bending forward and clasping his hands, he said,
+"Could you not give me two shillings for it? There
+are two columns good. A shilling a column; surely
+that can't hurt you."</p>
+
+<p>"I'll give you two shillings, and you can come
+back again if you are needy, but the MS. is of no use
+to us."</p>
+
+<p>He took the money, and returned again and again
+for more. I found that he used to put fourpence in
+one pocket to meet the expense of his lodging-house
+bed, and he bought ten two-pennyworths of gin with
+the rest of the money. He always asked for two shillings,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span>
+and always got it. I was not responsible for
+his mode of spending it.</p>
+
+<p>And now the Doctor had turned up in the region of
+The Chequers. He was piteously, doggishly thankful
+for his drink, and he cried as he bleated out his
+prayers for my good health. Men cry readily when
+they come to be in the Doctor's condition. I asked
+him to take some soup. "I'm no great eater," he
+said; "but I'd like just one more with you&mdash;only
+one."</p>
+
+<p>"Where do you lodge, Doctor?"</p>
+
+<p>"To tell you the truth, I'm forced to put up with a
+berth in the old fowl-house at the bottom of the
+garden here. They let me stay there, but 'tis cold&mdash;cold."</p>
+
+<p>"Do you work at all now?"</p>
+
+<p>"Sometimes. But there is little doing&mdash;very little."</p>
+
+<p>"How did you come to cease practising at the Bar,
+Doctor?"</p>
+
+<p>"How do I come to be here? 'Tis the old thing&mdash;the
+old thing&mdash;and has been all along."</p>
+
+<p>This poor wretch could not be allowed to go about
+half-naked, so I let the potman run out and get him a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span>
+slop suit. (The Doctor sold the clothes next day for
+half-a-crown, and was speechless when I went to see
+him.) A hopeless, helpless wretch was the Doctor&mdash;the
+most hopeless I ever knew. He entered the
+army, early in life, and for a time he was petted and
+courted in Dublin society. The man was handsome,
+accomplished, and brilliantly clever, and success
+seemed to follow him. He sold out of the army and
+went to the Bar, where he succeeded during many
+years. No one could have lived a happier, fuller, or
+more fruitful life than he did before he slid into loose
+habits. His only pastime was the pursuit of literature,
+and he finished his big history of a certain great
+war while he was in full practice at the Chancery Bar.
+Power seemed to reside in him; fortune poured gifts
+on him; and he lost all. In an incredibly short
+space of time he drank away his practice, his reputation,
+his hopes of high honour, his last penny.</p>
+
+<p>Thus it was that my historian came to beg of me
+for that muddy penn'orth.</p>
+
+<p>I may as well finish the Doctor's story. If I were
+writing fiction the tale would be scouted as improbable,
+yet I am going to state plain facts. A firm of lawyers<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>
+hunted up the Doctor, and informed him that he had
+succeeded to the sum of &pound;30,000. There was no
+mistake about the matter; the long years of vile degradation,
+the rags, the squalor, the scorn, of men were
+all to disappear. The solicitors dressed the Doctor
+properly and advanced him money; he set off for Ireland
+to make some necessary arrangements, and he
+solemnly swore that he would become a total abstainer.
+At Swindon he chose to break his journey,
+took to drinking, and kept on for many hours. It was
+long since he had had such a chance of unlimited
+drink, and he greedily seized it. When he went to
+bed he took a bottle with him, and in the morning he
+was dead. Suffocated by alcohol, they said. He had
+no living soul related to him, and I believe his money
+went to the Crown.</p>
+
+<p>I have written this last fragment on separate
+sheets, and my journal is interleaved for the first time.</p>
+
+<p>The Gentleman and I became very friendly. I
+never tried to keep him from drinking: it was useless.
+When he was sober his company was pleasant, and I
+was very sorry when he mysteriously migrated, and
+many of our crew missed his help badly.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Some time after the Gentleman's flight, I was in a
+common lodging-house in Holborn, and in the kitchen
+I met a delightful vagabond of a Frenchman with
+whom I had a long talk. He happened to say, "One
+of our old friends died last week. He was a good
+man, and very well bred. Figure it to yourself, he
+was brother of one of your judges!" Then I knew
+that the Gentleman had gone. I wish I could have
+seen him again. As I look back at the old leaves of
+my journal I seem to see that sweet, patient smile
+which he wore as he told the story of his fall. There
+are some things almost too sad to bear thinking about.
+This is one.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>Our friend Dicky had a bad misfortune lately. I
+should say that Dicky is an oldish man, who drifted
+into this ugly quarter some time ago, and took his
+place in the parlour, which is a room that I now
+prefer to the bar. I was holding a friendly discussion
+with a butcher when a strident voice said, "You are
+absolutely and irredeemably ignorant of the rudiments
+of your subject." I started. Where had I heard
+that voice before? The man was clad in an old<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>
+shooting-jacket; his trousers were out at the knee,
+and his linen was very dirty; yet there was a something
+about him&mdash;a kind of distinction&mdash;which was
+impressive. After launching his expression of contempt
+at us, he buried his face in his pot and took a
+mighty drink. Slowly my memory aided me, and
+under that knobby, pustuled skin I <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original has 'fraced'.">traced</ins> the features
+of Dicky Nash, the most dreaded political journalist of
+my time. Often I had heard that voice roaring blasphemies
+with a vigour that no other man could equal;
+often had I seen that sturdy form extended beside the
+editorial chair, while the fumes in the office told tales
+as to the cause of the fall. And now here was Dicky&mdash;ragged,
+dirty, and evidently down on his luck. I
+soon made friends with him by owning his superior
+authority, and he kindly took a quart of ale at my expense.
+This was a man who used to earn &pound;2,000 a
+year after he resigned his University fellowship. He
+was the friend and adviser of statesmen; he might
+have ended as a Cabinet Minister, for no man ever
+succeeded in gauging the extent of his miraculous
+ability; he seemed to be the most powerful, as
+well as the most dreaded man in England. Woe<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>
+is me! We had to carry him up to bed; and he
+stayed on until he spent a three-guinea cheque,
+which Mr. Landlord cashed for him.</p>
+
+<p>I knew no good would come of his Fleet-street
+games, though he used to laugh things off himself.
+He would come in about seven in the evening, and
+seat himself at his table. Then he would hiccup,
+"Can't write politics; no good. Give us a nice light
+subject."</p>
+
+<p>"Try an article on the country at this season of
+the year."</p>
+
+<p>"Good. I can't hold the damned pen. You sit
+down, I'll dictate: In this refulgent season, when the
+barred clouds bloom the soft dying day, it is pleasant
+to wander by the purple hedgerows where the stars of
+the (What damned flower is it that twinkles now?
+What do you say? Ragged Robin? Not poetic
+enough. Clematis? That'll do. Damn it, ride on!)&mdash;the
+stars of the clematis modestly twinkle, and the
+trailing&mdash;(What the h&mdash;&mdash; is it that trails? Honeysuckle?
+Good. Weigh in!)&mdash;trailing honeysuckle
+flings down that rich scent that falls like sweet music
+on the nerves.'"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>And so on. He managed in this way to turn out
+the regulation column of flummery, but I knew it
+could not last. And now he had come to be a sot and
+an outcast. Worse has befallen him. He screwed
+up his nerve to write an article in the old style, and I
+helped him by acting as amanuensis. He violently
+attacked an editor who had persistently befriended
+him; then he wrote a London Letter for that editor's
+paper; then he sent the violent attack away in the envelope
+intended for the letter. There was a terrible
+quarrel.</p>
+
+<p>So far did the Gentleman, the Doctor, and Dicky
+come down. I may say that Dicky, the companion of
+statesmen, the pride of his university, died of cold and
+hunger in a cellar in the Borough. Oh, young man,
+boast not of thy strength!</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="POACHERS_AND_NIGHTBIRDS" id="POACHERS_AND_NIGHTBIRDS"></a>POACHERS AND NIGHTBIRDS.</h2>
+
+<p>The Chequers stands in a very nasty place, yet we
+are within easy distance of a park which swarms
+with game. This game is preserved for the amusement
+of a royal duke, who is kind enough to draw
+about twelve thousand a year from the admiring taxpayer.
+He has not rendered any very brilliant service
+to his adopted country, unless we reckon his nearly
+causing the loss of the battle of Alma as a national
+benefit. He wept piteously during the battle of
+Inkerman when the Guards got into a warm corner,
+but, although he is pleasingly merciful towards Russians,
+he is most courageous in his assaults on
+pheasants and rabbits, and the country provides him
+with the finest sporting ground in England. I should not
+like to say how many men make money by poaching in
+the park, but we have a regular school of them at<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span>
+The Chequers, and they seem to pick up a fair amount
+of drink money. The temptation is great. Every one
+of these poaching fellows has the hunter's instinct
+strongly developed, and neither fines nor gaol can
+frighten them. The keepers catch one after another,
+but the work goes on all the same. You cannot stop
+men from poaching, and there is an end of the matter.
+You may shout <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original has 'youself'.">yourself</ins> hoarse in trying to bring a
+greyhound to heel after he sights a hare; but the dog
+<i>cannot</i> obey you, for he is an automaton. The human
+predatory animal has his share of reason, but he also
+is automatic to some degree, and he will hunt in spite
+of all perils and all punishments when he sights his
+prey. One comic old rascal whom I know well has
+been caught thirty times and imprisoned eight times.
+While he is in gaol he always occupies himself in
+composing songs in praise of poaching, and on the
+evening of his release he is invariably called on to
+furnish the company in the tap-room with his new
+composition. He cannot read or write, but he learns
+his songs by heart, and I have taken down a large
+number of them from his own lips. The things are
+much like Jemmy Catnach's stuff, so far as rhyme and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>
+rhythm are concerned, but they are interesting on account
+of the sly exultation that runs through them.</p>
+
+<p>In one poem the lawless bard gives an account of a
+day's life in gaol, and his coarse phrases make you
+almost feel the cold and hunger. Here are some scraps
+from this descriptive work:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Till seven we walk around the yard,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There is a man all to you guard.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">If you put your hand out so,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Untoe the guv'nor you must go;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Eight o'clock is our breakfast hour,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Those wittles they do soon devour;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Oh! dear me, how they eat and stuff,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Lave off with less than half enough.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Nine o'clock you mount the mill,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That you mayn't cramp from settin' still.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">If that be ever so against your will,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You must mount on the tra&auml;din' mill.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There is a turnkey that you'll find<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">He is a raskill most unkind.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To rob poor prisoners he is that man,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To cha&auml;te poor prisoners where he can.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">At eleven o'clock we march upstairs<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To hear the parson read the prayers.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Then we are locked into a pen&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">It's almost like a lion's den.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There's iron bars big round as your thigh,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">To make you of a prison shy.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">At twelve o'clock the turnkey come;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The locks and bolts sound like a drum.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">If you be ever so full of game,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The tra&auml;din' mill it will you tame.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">At one you mount the mill again,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">That is labour all in vain<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">If that be ever so wrong or right,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">You must tra&auml;de till six at <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original lacked the ending period.">night.</ins><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Thursdays we have a jubal fra&auml;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Wi' bread and cheese for all the <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original lacked the ending period.">day.</ins><br /></span>
+<span class="i0">I'll tell you ra&auml;lly, without consate,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">For a hungry pig 'tis a charmin' bait.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">At six you're locked into your cell,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There until the mornin' dwell;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There's a bed o' straw all to lay on,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">There's Hobson's choice, there's that or none."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>That is a bleak picture; but the old man winds up
+by bidding all his mates "go it again, my merry boys,
+and never mind if they you ta&auml;ke." He told me that
+on several occasions he was out ferreting, or with his
+lurcher, on the next night after coming out of prison.
+Can you keep such a fellow out of a well-stocked
+park? He likes the money that he gets for game,
+but what he likes far better is the wild pleasure of
+seeing the deadly dogs wind on the trail of the doomed
+quarry; he likes the danger, the strategy, the
+gambling chances.</p>
+
+<p>One night I got this old man to drive me about for
+some hours. He is a smart hand with horses, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span>
+when I said, "Can you manage without lamps in this
+dark?"&mdash;he answered, "I could find my way for
+twenty miles round here if you tie my eyes up.
+There's nary gate that my nets hasn't been under;
+there's hardly a field that I haven't been chased on."
+As our trotter swung on, I found that the poacher associated
+almost every gate and outhouse and copse
+with some wild story. For example, we passed a
+clump of farm-buildings, and the poacher said; "I
+had a queer job in there. Three of us had had a good
+night&mdash;a dozen hares&mdash;and we got half-a-crown apiece
+for them, so we drank all day, and came out on the
+game again at night. We put down a master lot o'
+wires about eleven, and then we takes a bottle o' rum
+and goes to lie down on a load of hay. Well, we all
+takes too much, and sleeps on and on. When I
+wakes, Lord, we was covered with snow, and a marcy
+we was alive. We dursn't go for our wires in the
+daylight, and there we has to stand and see a keeper
+go and take out three hares, one after another. It was
+a fortnight before I had a chance of picking up the
+wires again, and we was about perished." Cold, wet,
+and all other inconveniences are nothing to the poacher.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Presently my man chuckled grimly. "Had a near
+shave over there where you see them ar' trees. I had
+my old dorg out one night, and two commarades along
+with me. We did werra well at that gate we just
+passed, so we tries another field. Do you think that
+there owd dorg 'ud go in? Not he. There never
+was such a one for 'cuteness. We was all in our
+poachin' clothes, faces blacked, women's nightcaps on,
+and shirts on over our coats. Well, the light come in
+the sky, and I separates from my mates, for I sees the
+owd dorg put up a hare and coorse her. I follows
+him, and he gits up for first turn; then puss begins
+to turn very quick to throw the dorg out before she
+made her last run to cover. He was on the scut, the
+old rip&mdash;catch him leave her&mdash;and I gits excited, and,
+like a fool, I chevies him on. In a minute I sees a
+man running at me, and off I goes for the gate. Now,
+I could run any man round here from 300 yards up to
+a mile; but I knew I must be took at the gate, unless
+I could stop the keeper. I had a big stick with me&mdash;about
+six foot long it was&mdash;and did sometimes to beat
+fuzz with; so I takes the stick by one end. He come
+up very sharp, and I made up my mind to let him gain<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span>
+on me. As soon as I <i>feels</i> him on me, I swings
+round, and the stick got him on the side of the head.
+He went flat down, and I got on to the road. I picked
+up my mates, and we washes our faces in a pond;
+then we leaves our clothes with one of the school, and
+walks off to the pub. Half an hour after, in comes
+the keeper and says, 'See what some of you blackguards
+has done for me?' I stands him a drink and
+says how sorry, and we parted. Ah! Years after
+that I was at a harvest supper with that keeper, and
+we talks of that affair. I says, 'I'll tell you now, I
+was the man as knocked you over,' and he says,
+'Shake hands, Tom. It was the cleanest thing I
+ever saw done.'</p>
+
+<p>"Do you really like the game, then?"</p>
+
+<p>"Like it! I'd die at it. If it wasn't for my
+crippled foot I'd be out every night now."</p>
+
+<p>Old Tom, the much-imprisoned man, never goes
+out with a gang now, but his influence is potent. He
+is the romantic poacher, and many a man has been
+set on by him. Observe that the best of these night
+thieves are on perfectly friendly terms with the
+keepers. If they are taken, they resign themselves<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span>
+to fate, and bear no ill-will. It is a game, and if the
+keeper makes a good move he is admired&mdash;and
+forgiven.</p>
+
+<p>Six regular poachers come daily to The Chequers, but
+there are many others hanging around who are merely
+amateurs. One queer customer with whom I have
+stayed out many nights is the despair of the keepers.
+His resource is inexhaustible, and his courage is
+almost admirable. Let me say&mdash;with a blush if you
+like&mdash;that I am a skilful poacher, and my generalship
+has met with approval from gentlemen who have often
+seen the inside of Her Majesty's prisons. Alas!</p>
+
+<p>One day I was much taken with the appearance of
+a beautiful fawn bitch, which lay on the seat in the
+room which is used by the most shady men in the
+district. Her owner was a tall, thin man, with sly
+grey eyes, set very near together, and a lean, resolute
+face. Doggy men are freemasons, and I soon opened
+the conversation by speaking of the pretty fawn. She
+pricked her ears, and to my amazement, they stood
+up like those of a rabbit. Such a weird, out-of-the-way
+head I never saw, though the dog looked a nice,
+well-trained greyhound when she had her ears laid back.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I said, "Why, she's a lurcher."</p>
+
+<p>"She ain't all greyhound; but the best man as
+ever I knew always said there never was a prick-eared
+one a bad 'un."</p>
+
+<p>"Is she for sale?"</p>
+
+<p>"There ain't enough money to buy her."</p>
+
+<p>"She's so very good?"</p>
+
+<p>"Never was one like her!"</p>
+
+<p>I found out, when we became fast friends, that the
+man's statement was quite correct. The dog's
+intelligence was supernatural. For the benefit of
+innocents who do not know what poaching is like, I
+will give an idea of this one dog's depredations.
+The owner&mdash;the Consumptive, I call him, as his
+night work has damaged his lungs&mdash;grew very friendly
+one day, and confidential. He winked and remarked,
+"Now, how many do you think I've had this
+month?"</p>
+
+<p>"How many what?"</p>
+
+<p>"You know. Rabbits. Guess."</p>
+
+<p>I tried, and failed. The Consumptive whispered,
+"Well, I keeps count, just the same as a shopkeeper,
+and as true as I'm a living man I've taken two hundred<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span>
+and fifty out of that park, and averaged tenpence
+for 'em."</p>
+
+<p>"With the one bitch?"</p>
+
+<p>"No. I've got a pup from her&mdash;such a pup. The
+old 'un's taught the baby, and I swear I'll never let
+that pup come out in daylight. They work together,
+and nothing can get away."</p>
+
+<p>This astounding statement was true to the letter.
+The dogs were like imps for cunning; they would
+hide skilfully at the very sound of a strange footstep,
+and they would retrieve for miles if necessary. I
+may say that I have seen them at work, and I
+earnestly wish that Frank Buckland could have been
+there.</p>
+
+<p>The Consumptive is a dissolute, drunken fellow,
+whose life is certainly not noble. Fancy being maintained
+in idleness by a couple of dogs! But the park
+is there, and the man cannot help stealing. I have
+seen his puppy, and I wish the royal duke could see
+her. She is a cross between lurcher and greyhound;
+her cunning head resembles that of a terrier, and her
+long, slim limbs are hard as steel. Her precious
+owner spends his days in tippling; he never reads,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span>
+and, I fancy, never thinks; he goes forth at dusk,
+and his faithful dogs proceed to work for his livelihood.</p>
+
+<p>The Consumptive is, as I have said, a man of great
+resource; but he has for once been within a hair's
+breadth of disaster. When he walks across the park
+at dusk, he likes to take his wife with him, and on
+such occasions he looks like a quiet workman out for
+a stroll with the missus. He sometimes puts his
+arm round the lady's waist, and the couple look so
+very loving and tender. It would never do to take
+the raking, great deerhound; but the innocent little
+fawn dog naturally follows her master, and looks, oh!
+so demure.</p>
+
+<p>The lady wears a wide loose cloak, which comes to
+her feet, for you must know that the mists rise very
+coldly from the hollows. Then these two sentimentalists
+wend their way to a secluded quarter of the
+vast park, and presently the faithful fawn mysteriously
+disappears. She moves slyly among the bracken,
+and her exquisite scent serves to guide her unerringly
+as she works up wind. Presently she steadies herself,
+takes aim, and rushes! The rabbit only has<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span>
+time to turn once or twice before the savage jaws
+close on him, and then the fawn makes her way carefully
+towards Darby and Joan. She takes advantage
+of every shadow; she never thinks of rashly crossing
+open ground, and Darby has only got to stamp twice
+to make her lie down. She sneaks up, and, horror!
+she gives the rabbit to Joan. Now under that cloak
+there is a useful little apparatus. A strong strap is
+fastened under Joan's armpits and over her breasts.
+This strap has on it a dozen strong hooks. Joan
+slits away the tendons of the rabbit's hind legs from
+the bone, hangs the game on one of the hooks, and
+the lovers wend their way peacefully, while the family
+provider glides off on another murderous errand.
+When four or five hooks are occupied, the lady walks
+homeward with the demure dog, Darby goes and
+drinks at The Chequers till about eleven, and then
+the mouse-coloured deerhound is taken out to do her
+share.</p>
+
+<p>The fond couple were sitting on a bench under a
+tree, for Joan had fairly tired under the weight of no
+less than nine rabbits which were slung on her belt.
+The lurcher stole up, and quietly laid a rabbit down<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span>
+at Joan's feet; then a soft-spoken man came from
+behind the tree, and observed&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"I am a policeman in plain clothes, and you must
+go with me to the keeper's cottage."</p>
+
+<p>But Darby, the wily one, rose to the occasion.
+The dog is trained to repudiate his acquaintance at a
+word, and when he said, "That's not my dog; get
+off, you brute!" the accomplished lurcher picked up
+the rabbit and vanished like lightning. Nevertheless
+the policeman led off Darby, and Joan followed. The
+keeper was out, but the policeman searched the Consumptive
+and found nothing.</p>
+
+<p>The keeper said to me&mdash;even me, "My wife tells
+me they brought up a man the other night, but he
+had no game on him. He had a woman with him
+that fairly made the missus tremble. She was like
+a bloomin' giant out of a show." I smiled, for the
+Consumptive had told me the whole tale. "My 'art
+was in my mouth," he remarked, and I do not
+wonder. Considering that Joan was padded with the
+carcases of <i>nine</i> rabbits under that enormous cloak, it
+was quite natural for her bulk to seem abnormal.
+Ah! if that intelligent policeman had probed the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span>
+mysteries that underlay the cloak! I am glad he did not,
+for the Consumptive is a most entertaining beast of prey.</p>
+
+<p>Another of our poaching men was obliged to borrow
+from me the money for his dog licences, and in
+gratitude he allowed me to see his brace of greyhounds
+work at midnight. People think that
+greyhounds cannot hunt by scent, but this man has a
+tiny black and a large brindle that work like basset-hounds.
+They are partners, and they have apparently
+a great contempt for the rules of coursing.
+One waits at the bottom of a field, while his partner
+quarters the ground with the arrowy fleetness of a
+swallow. When a hare is put up by the beating
+dog she goes straight to her doom.</p>
+
+<p>It seems marvellous that such lawless desperadoes
+should be hanging about London; but there they are,
+and they will have successors so long as there is a
+head of game on the ground. The men are disreputable
+loafers; they care only for drink and the
+pleasures of idleness. I grant that. My only business
+is to show what a strange secret life, what a
+strange secret society, may be studied almost within
+sight of St. Paul's.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The very best and most daring poacher I know
+lives within five-and-twenty minutes' journey from
+Waterloo. You may keep on framing stringent game
+laws as long as you choose, but you cannot kill an
+overmastering instinct.</p>
+
+<p>I am not prepared to say, "Abolish the Game
+Laws;" but I do say that those laws cause wild,
+worthless fellows to be regarded as heroes. No
+stigma whatever attaches to a man who has been
+imprisoned for poaching; he has won his Victoria
+Cross, and he is admired henceforth. You inflict a
+punishment which confers honour on the culprit in
+the eyes of the only persons for whose opinion he
+cares. Even the better sort of men who haunt our
+public-houses are glad to meet and talk with the
+poachers. The punishment gives a man a few weeks
+of privation and months of adulation. He bears no
+malice; he simply goes and poaches again. No
+burglar ever brags of his exploits; the poacher
+always boasts, and always receives applause.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="JIM_BILLINGS" id="JIM_BILLINGS"></a>JIM BILLINGS.</h2>
+
+<p>Few people know that large numbers of the
+splendid seamen who man our North Sea
+fishing fleets are arrant Cockneys. In the North-country
+and in Scotland the proud natives are
+accustomed to regard the Cockney as a being who
+can only be reckoned as human by very charitable
+persons. To hear a Scotch fisherman mention a
+"Kokenee" is an experience which lets you know
+how far scorn may really be cherished by an earnest
+man. The Northerners believe that all the manliness
+and hardiness in the country reside in their persons;
+but I take leave to dispute that pleasing article of
+faith, for I have seen hundreds of Londoners who
+were quite as brave and skilful sailors as any born
+north of the Tees. The Cockney is a little given to
+talking, but he is a good man all the same.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>In the smacks many lads from the workhouse
+schools are apprenticed, and some of the smartest
+skippers in England come originally from Mitcham or
+Sutton. Jim Billings was a workhouse boy when he
+first went to sea, and he sometimes ran up to London
+after his eight weeks' trips were over. When I first
+cast eyes on Jim I said quite involuntarily, "Bob
+Travers, by the living man!" The famous coloured
+boxer is still alive and hearty, and it would be hard to
+tell the difference between him and Jim Billings were
+it not that the prize-fighter dresses smartly. Jim
+doesn't; his huge chest is set off by a coarse white
+jumper; his corded arms are usually bared nearly to the
+elbow, and his vast shock of twining curls relieves him
+generally from the trouble of wearing headgear. On
+Sundays he sometimes puts on a most comfortless
+felt hat, but that is merely a chance tribute to social
+usage, and the ugly excrescence does not disfigure
+Jim's shaggy head for very long. Billings's father
+was a mulatto prize-fighter, who perished early from
+the effects of those raging excesses in which all men
+of his class indulged when they came out of training.
+The mulatto was as powerful and game a man as ever<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span>
+stripped in a twenty-four-foot ring; but he ruined his
+constitution with alcohol, and he left his children
+penniless. The little bullet-headed Jim was drafted
+off to the workhouse school, and from thence to a
+small fishing-smack.</p>
+
+<p>Does anyone ever think nowadays of the horrors
+that were to be seen among the fleets not so very
+long ago? It is not a wonder that any of the fishers had
+a glimmer of human feeling in them when they reached
+manhood, for no brute beast&mdash;not even a cabhorse in
+an Italian town&mdash;was ever treated as an apprentice
+on a smack was treated. Some of the sea-ruffians
+carried their cruelty to insane extremes, for the lust
+of blood seemed to grow upon them. It is a naked
+truth that there was no law for boys who lived on the
+high seas until very recent years. One fine, hardy
+seadog (that is the correct and robust way of talking)
+used to strip his apprentice, and make him go out to
+the bowsprit end when the vessel was dipping her
+stem in winter time. He was such a merry fellow,
+was this bold seadog, and I could make breezy,
+"robust" Britons laugh for hours by my narratives
+of his drolleries. He would not let this poor boy eat<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span>
+a morsel of anything until he had mixed the dish with
+excrements, and when the lad puked at the food the
+hardy mariner cut his head open with a belaying-pin
+or flung him down the hatchway. Sometimes the
+hardy one and the mate lashed the apprentice up in
+the fore-rigging, and they had rare sport while he
+squealed under the sting of the knotted rope's end.
+On one night the watch on deck saw a figure dart
+forward and spring on the rail; the contumacious
+boy had stripped himself, and he was barely saved
+from throwing his skinny, lacerated carcass into the
+sea. Shortly after this the youngest apprentice went
+below, and found the ill-used lad standing on a locker,
+and gibbering fearfully. The tiny boy said:</p>
+
+<p>"Oh! Jim, Jim, what's come to you?" but James
+never uttered a rational word more. He was sent to
+his mother's house at Deptford, and he went to bed
+with four other children. In the early morning the
+youngsters noticed that Jim seemed rather stiff, and
+he had exceedingly good reasons, for he was stone-dead,
+and doubled up. The coroner's jury thought
+that death resulted from a stoppage of the intestines.
+That was very funny indeed, for Jim's shipmates<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span>
+observed that as he was bruised and rope's-ended
+more and more he lost all power of retaining his food,
+and everything he swallowed passed from him undigested.
+Jim succumbed to the wholesome, manly,
+hardening, maritime discipline of the good old times,
+and no one was hanged for murdering him.</p>
+
+<p>The mind of the kindly, shoregoing man cannot
+rightly conceive the monstrosities of cruelty which
+were perpetrated. Fancy a boy bending over a line
+and baiting hooks for dear life while the blood from a
+fearful scalp wound drained his veins till he fainted.
+The lad came to in four hours; had he died he would
+have been quietly reported as washed overboard. If
+you can stand a few hours of talk from an old smacksman
+you may hear a sombre litany of horror. Those
+fishers are, physically, the flower of our race, and
+many of them have the noblest moral qualities.
+Knowing what I do of the old days, I wonder that the
+men are any better than desperate savages.</p>
+
+<p>Jim Billings endured the bitterest hardships that
+could befall an apprentice. For six years he was not
+allowed to have a bed, for that luxury was generally
+denied to boys. He secured a piece of old netting,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span>
+and he used to sleep on that until it became rotten by
+reason of the salt water which drained from his
+clothes. On mad winter nights, when the sea came
+hurling along, and crashed thunderously on the decks,
+the smack tugged and lunged at her trawl. All round
+her the dark water boiled and roared, and the blast
+shrieked through the cordage with hollow tremors.
+That One who rideth on the wings of the wind lashed
+the dark sea into aimless fury, and the men on deck
+clung where they could as the smothering waves broke
+and seethed in wild eddies over the reeling vessel.
+At midnight the sleepers below heard the cry, "Haul,
+O! haul, haul, haul!" and they staggered to their
+feet in the reeking den of a cabin.</p>
+
+<p>"Does it rain?"</p>
+
+<p>"No, it snows."</p>
+
+<p>That was the fragment of dialogue which passed
+pretty often. Then the skipper inquired, "Do you
+want any cinder ashes?" The ashes were spread on
+the treacherous deck; the bars were fixed in the
+capstan, and the crew tramped on their chill round.
+Men often fell asleep at their dreary work, and walked
+on mechanically; sometimes the struggle lasted for an<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span>
+hour or two, until strong fellows were ready to lie
+down, and over the straining gang the icy wind roared
+and the piercing drift flew in vicious streams. When
+the big beam and the slimy net came to hand the
+worst of the work began; it often happened that a
+man who ran against a shipmate was obliged to say,
+"Who's that?" so dense was the darkness; and yet
+amid that impenetrable gloom the intricate gear had
+to be handled with certainty, and when the living
+avalanche of fish flowed from the great bag, it was
+necessary to kill, clean, and sort them in the dark.
+When the toil was over Jim Billings went below with
+his mates, and their dripping clothes soon covered
+the cabin floor with slush.</p>
+
+<p>"Surely they changed their clothes?" I fancy I
+hear some innocent asking that question. Ah! No.
+The smacksmen have no time for changes of raiment.
+Jim huddled himself up like the rest: the crew turned
+in soaking, and woke up steaming, just as the men do
+even nowadays.</p>
+
+<p>Week in, week out, Jim Billings led that hard life,
+and he grew up brawny and sound in spite of all his
+troubles. His frame was a mass of bone and wire,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span>
+and no man could accurately measure his strength.
+His mind was left vacant of all good impressions;
+every purely animal faculty was abnormally developed,
+and Jim's one notion of relaxation was to get beastly
+drunk whenever he had the chance. Like too many
+more of those grand seamen, he came to regard himself
+as an outcast, for he was cut off from the world
+during about forty-six weeks of every year, and he
+thought that no creature on earth cared for him. If
+he broke a finger or strained a tendon, he must bear
+his suffering, and labour on until his eight weeks were
+up; books, newspapers, rational amusements were
+unknown to him; he lived on amid cursing, fighting,
+fierce toil, and general bestiality.</p>
+
+<p>Pray, what were Jim's recreations? When he ran
+up to London he remained violently, aggressively drunk
+while his money lasted, and at such times he was as
+dangerous as a Cape buffalo in a rage. With all his
+weight he was as active as a leopard, and his hitting
+was as quick as Ned <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original has '?' in place of the ending period.">Donnelly's.</ins> He enjoyed a fight,
+but no one who faced him shared his enjoyment long;
+for he generally settled his man with one rush. He
+used both hands with awful severity; and in short, he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span>
+was one of the most fearsome wild beasts ever allowed
+to remain at large. I have known him to take four
+men at once, with disastrous results to the four, and,
+when he had to be conveyed to the police-station
+(which was rather frequently), fresh men were always
+brought round to handle him. Speaking personally,
+I may say that I would rather enter a cage of performing
+lions than stand up for two rounds with Mr.
+Billings. He only once was near The Chequers, and
+I fear I entertained an unholy desire to see some of
+our peculiar and eloquent pugilists raise his ire. Here
+was a pretty mass of blackguard manhood for you!
+Everyone who knew him felt certain that Jim would
+be sent to penal servitude in the end for killing some
+antagonist with an unlucky blow; no human power
+seemed capable of restraining him, and of superhuman
+powers he only knew one thing&mdash;he knew that you
+use certain words for cursing purposes.</p>
+
+<p>Over the grey desolation of that cruel North Sea no
+humanising agency ever travelled to soften Jim Billings
+and his like; but there were many agencies at work
+to convert the men into brutes.</p>
+
+<p>On calm days there came sinister vessels that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span>
+sneaked furtively among the fleet. A little black flag
+flew from the foretopmast stay of these ugly visitors,
+and that was a sign that tobacco and spirits were on
+sale aboard. The smacksmen went for tobacco, which
+is a necessity of life to them; but the clever Dutchmen
+soon contrived to introduce other wares. Vile aniseed
+brandy&mdash;liquid fire&mdash;was sold cheap, and many a man
+who began the day cool and sober ended it as a raving
+madman. Mr. Coper, the Dutch trader, did not care
+a rush for ready money; ropes, nets, sails were quite as
+much in his line, and a continual temptation was held
+out to men who wanted to rob their owners. Jim
+Billings used to get drunk as often as possible, and he
+himself told me of one ghastly expedient to which he
+was reduced when he and his shipmates were parched
+and craving for more poison. A dead man came past
+their vessel; they lowered the boat, and proceeded to
+haul the clothes off the corpse. The putrid flesh came
+away with the garments, but the drunkards never
+heeded. They scrubbed the clothes, dried them in the
+rigging, and coped them away for brandy.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Coper had other attractions for young and lusty
+fishermen. There are certain hounds in France,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span>
+Holland, and even in our own virtuous country, who
+pick up a living by selling beastly pictures. In the
+North Sea fleets there are 12,000 powerful fellows who
+are practically condemned to celibacy, and the human
+apes who sold the bawdy pictures drove a rare trade
+among the swarming vessels.</p>
+
+<p>Jim Billings was a capital customer to the Copers,
+for his animalism ran riot, and he was more like a
+tremendous automaton than like a man.</p>
+
+<p>So this mighty creature lived his life, drinking,
+fighting, toiling, blaspheming, and dwelling in rank
+darkness. He often spoke of "Gord," and his burly
+childishness tickled me infinitely. I liked Jim; he
+was such a Man when one compared him with our
+sharps and noodles; but I never expected to see him
+fairly distance me in the race towards respectability.
+I am still a Loafer; Jim is a most estimable member
+of the gentlest society; and this is how it all came
+about.</p>
+
+<p>On one grey Sunday morning a pretty smack came
+creeping through the fleet. Far and near the dark
+trawlers heaved to the soft swell, and they looked
+picturesque enough; but the strange vessel was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span>
+handsomer than any of the fishing-boats, and Jim's
+curiosity was roused. The new smack was flying a
+flag at her masthead, but Jim could not read well
+enough to make out the inscription on the flag. He
+said, "Who's he?" and his mate answered, "A blank
+mission ship. Lot o' blokes come round preachin' and
+prayin'."</p>
+
+<p>"What? To our blank chaps? How is it I've
+never seen his blank flag afore?"</p>
+
+<p>"Ain't been werry long started. I heerd about
+'em at Gorleston. Fat Dan got converted board o' one
+on 'em."</p>
+
+<p>Just then the smart smack shoved her foresail
+a-weather and hove-to; then a small boat put out, and
+a stout grizzled man hailed Jim.</p>
+
+<p>"What cheer, old lad, what cheer? Come and give
+us a look. Service in an hour's time. Come and have
+a pot o' tea and a pipe."</p>
+
+<p>I am grieved to say that Mr. Billings remarked,
+"Let's go aboard the blank, and capsize the whole
+blank trunk."</p>
+
+<p>Certainly he jumped up the side of the mission ship
+with very evil intentions. Boat after boat came up<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span>
+and made fast astern of the dandy vessel, and soon the
+decks were crowded with merry groups. Jim couldn't
+make it out for the life of him. These fellows had
+their pipes and cigars going; they were full of fun, and
+yet Jim could not hear an oath or a lewd word.
+Gradually he began to feel a little sheepish, but nevertheless
+he did not relinquish his desire to break up the
+service. The skipper of the smack invited Jim to go
+below, and handed him a steaming mug of tea.</p>
+
+<p>"Where's your 'bacca?" said the skipper.</p>
+
+<p>"Left him aboard."</p>
+
+<p>"Never mind. Take half a pound and pay for it
+to-morrow. We sell the best at a shilling a pound."</p>
+
+<p>Jim gaped. Here was a decidedly practical
+religious agency. A shilling a pound! Cheaper than
+the Copers' rubbish. Jim took a few pulls at the strong,
+black tobacco, and began to reconsider his notion about
+smashing up the service. He found the religious
+skipper was as good a fisherman as anyone in the
+fleet; the talk was free from that horrible cant which
+scares wild and manly men so easily, and the copper-coloured
+rowdy almost enjoyed himself.</p>
+
+<p>Presently the lively company filed into the hold,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span>
+squatted on fish boxes, and proceeded to make themselves
+comfortable. Two speakers from London were
+to address the meeting, and Jim gazed very critically
+on both.</p>
+
+<p>A hymn was sung, and the crash of the hoarse
+voices sounded weirdly over the moan of the wind.
+Jim felt something catch at his throat, and yet he was
+unable to tell what strange new feeling thrilled him.
+His comrades sang as if their lives depended on their
+efforts. Jim sat on, half pleased, half sulky, wholly
+puzzled. Then one of the speakers rose. At first
+sight the preacher looked like anything but an apostle;
+his plump, rounded body gave no hint of asceticism,
+and his merry, pure eye twinkled from the midst of a
+most rubicund expanse of countenance. He looked
+like one who had found the world a pleasant place,
+and Jim gruffly described him as a "jolly old bloke."
+But the voice of this comfortable, suave-looking
+missionary by no means matched his appearance. He
+spoke with a grave and silvery pitch that made his
+words seem to soar lightly over his audience. His
+accent was that of the genuine society man, but a
+delicate touch&mdash;a mere suspicion&mdash;of Scotch gave the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span>
+cultured tones a certain odd piquancy. A solemn note
+of deep passion trembled, as it were, amid the floating
+music, and every word went home. This jolly, rosy
+missionary is one of the best of living popular speakers,
+and his passionate simplicity fairly conquers the very
+rudest of audiences. The man believes every word he
+says, and his power of rousing strong emotion has
+seldom been equalled.</p>
+
+<p>Jim Billings sat and glowered; he understood every
+simply lucid sentence that the orator uttered, and he
+was charmed in spite of himself.</p>
+
+<p>"This is the blankest, rummiest blank go ever I
+was in," muttered the would-be iconoclast.</p>
+
+<p>His visions of a merry riot were all fled, and he was
+listening with the eagerness of a decorous Sunday-school
+child.</p>
+
+<p>Speaker Number Two arose, and Jim's bleared
+eyes were riveted on him. The rough saw before
+him a pallid, worn man, whose beautiful face seemed
+drawn by suffering. Long, exquisite artist hands,
+silky beard, kindly, humorous mouth, marked by
+stern lines; these were the things that Jim dimly
+saw. But the dusky blackguard was really daunted<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>
+and mastered by the preacher's eye. The wonderful
+eye was like Napoleon's and Mary Stuart's in colour;
+but the Emperor's lordly look hinted of earthly
+ambition: the missionary's wide, flashing gaze seemed
+to be turned on some solemn vision. Twice in my
+life have I seen such an eye&mdash;once in the flesh when
+I met General Gordon, once in a portrait of
+Columbus. Poor Jim was fascinated; he was in
+presence of the hero-martyr who has revolutionised
+the life of a great population by the sheer force of his
+own unconquerable will. Jim did not know that the
+slim man with the royal eye must endure acute agony
+as he travels from one squalid vessel to another; he
+did not know that the sublime modern Reformer has
+overcome colossal difficulties while enduring tortures
+which would make even brave men pray for death.
+Jim was in the dark. He only knew that the saintly
+man talked like a "toff," and said strange things.
+After a little the "toff" dropped the accent of the
+Belgravian and began to speak in low, impassioned
+tones; he told one little story, and Jim found that
+he must cry or swear. With sorrow I must say that
+he did the latter, in order to bully the lump out of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span>
+his bull throat. Then the "toff" broke into a cry of
+infinite tenderness and pity; he implored the men to
+come, and some sturdy fellows sobbed; but Jim did
+not understand where they were wanted to go, and he
+growled another oath.</p>
+
+<p>After this some of the fishermen spoke, and Jim
+heard how drunkards, fighting men, and spendthrifts
+had become peaceable and prosperous citizens.</p>
+
+<p>Puzzles were heaped on the poor man's brain. He
+could have broken that pale man in halves with one
+hand; yet the pale man mastered him. He knew
+some of the burly seamen as old ruffians; yet here
+they were&mdash;talking gently, and boasting about their
+happiness and prosperity. When the last crashing
+chorus had been sung, the two swells went round and
+chatted freely with all comers.</p>
+
+<p>"No &mdash;&mdash; 'toffs' never treated me like that afore."</p>
+
+<p>All that day, until the trawl went down, Jim sat
+growling and brooding. He was inarticulate, and the
+crowding thoughts that surged in his dim soul were
+chaotic.</p>
+
+<p>Next day he inquired, "Do you know anything
+'bout this yere Jesus as they yarns about?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Devil a bit! Get the bloke on the Mission ship
+to tell you."</p>
+
+<p>"See him and you damned fust!"</p>
+
+<p>Thus spoke the impolite James. But on the ninth
+day the Mission smack ran into the Blue fleet again,
+and Jim took a desperate resolution. His boat was
+astern, so he jumped over the counter and sculled
+himself straight to the Mission smack.</p>
+
+<p>"Got them gents aboard?"</p>
+
+<p>The skipper was wild with delight at seeing the
+most notorious ruffian on the coast come voluntarily,
+and Mr. Billings was soon below in the after cabin.
+Poor Jim stuttered and haggled while trying to
+explain what was the matter with him.</p>
+
+<p>"I tell you, guvnor, I've got a something that
+must come out, or I shall choke straight off. I want
+to speak, and I can't get no words."</p>
+
+<p>I shall say nothing of the long talk that went on.
+I know something about it, but the subject is too
+sacred for a Loafer to touch. I shall only say that
+Jim Billings got release, as the fishers say, and his
+wild, infantine outburst made powerful men cry like
+children.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He is now a very quiet soul, and he neither visits
+The Chequers nor any other hostelry. There was
+great fun among the Gorleston men when Jim turned
+serious, and one merry smacksman actually struck at
+the quadroon. Jim bit his lip, and said,</p>
+
+<p>"Bill, old lad, I'd have killed you for that a year
+ago. Shake hands; God bless you!"</p>
+
+<p>Which was rather a plucky thing to do.</p>
+
+<p>Some blathering parsons say that this blessed
+Mission is teaching men to talk cant and Puritanism.
+Speaking as a very cynical Loafer, I can only say
+that if Puritanism turns fishing fleets and fishing
+towns from being hells on earth into being decent
+places; if Puritanism heals the sick, comforts the
+sufferers, carries joy and refinement and culture into
+places that were once homes of horror, and renders
+the police force almost a superfluity in two great
+towns&mdash;then I think we can put up with Puritanism.</p>
+
+<p>I know that Jim Billings was a dangerous untamed
+animal; he is now a jolly, but quiet fellow. I was
+always rather afraid of him; but now I should not
+mind sailing in his vessel. The Puritan Mission
+has civilised him and hundreds on hundreds more,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span>
+and I wish the parsons had done just half as
+much.</p>
+
+<p>For my own part, I think that when I am clear of
+The Chequers I shall go clean away into the North
+Sea. If on some mad night the last sea heaves us
+down, and the Loafer is found on some wind-swept
+beach, that will be as good an end as a burnt-out,
+careless being can ask. Perhaps Jim Billings, the
+rough, and I, the broken gentleman, may go triumphantly
+together. Who knows? I should like to
+take the last flight with the fighting nigger.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="OUR_PARLOUR_COMPANY" id="OUR_PARLOUR_COMPANY"></a>OUR PARLOUR COMPANY.</h2>
+
+<p>We have one room where high prices are charged.
+This place is kept very select indeed, and the
+vulgar are excluded. I was not received very well at
+first, and some of the assembly talked at me in a way
+which was intended to be highly droll; but I never
+lost temper, and I fairly established my position by
+dint of good humour. Moreover, I found out who was
+the most unpopular man in the room, and earned
+much goodwill by slyly administering the kind of
+strokes which a fairly educated man can always play
+off on a dullard. I hate the parlour, and if I were to
+let out according to my fancy I should use violent
+language. In that dull, stupid place one learns to
+appraise the talk about sociality and joviality at its
+correct value. I am afraid I must utter a heresy. I
+have heard that George Eliot's chapter about the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span>
+Raveloe Inn is considered as equal to Shakespeare's
+work. Now I can only see in it the imaginative
+writing of a clever woman who tried to dramatise a
+scene without having any data to guide her. In all
+my life I never heard a conversation resembling that
+of the farrier and the rest in the remotest degree. In
+the first place, one element of public-house talk&mdash;the
+overt or sly indecency&mdash;is left out. In an actual
+public-house parlour the man who can bring in a totally
+new tale of a dirty nature is the hero of the evening.
+Then the element of scandal is missing. When men
+of vulgar mind meet together, you only need to wait a
+few minutes before you hear someone's character
+pulled to pieces, and the scandal is usually of the
+clumsiest sort. Again, it is easy to represent the
+landlord as a pliable person who agrees with everybody;
+but the landlord of real life is a person who is
+treated with deference, and who asserts his position in
+the most pronounced fashion. If he has a good
+customer he is courteous and obliging, but he
+keeps a strict hand on his company, and lets
+them know who is master. Nearly all the landlords
+I have known since I became a Loafer<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span>
+have been good fellows. They find it in their
+interest to be generous, obliging, and friendly;
+but to represent them as timorous sycophants
+is absurd. They are ordinary tradesmen; they
+have a good opinion of themselves, and they hold
+their own with all classes of men. The women are
+sometimes insolent, overdressed creatures, who
+heartily despise their customers; but very often a
+landlord marries a lady who is as far as possible from
+being like the hostess of fiction.</p>
+
+<p>The temperance orators destroy their main chance
+of gaining a success by their senseless attempts to be
+funny at the expense of the licensed victuallers. Any
+spouter who chooses to rant about the landlady's gold
+chain and silk dress can make sure of a laugh, and
+anyone who talks about "prosperous Mr. Bung" is
+approved. For the sake of a good cause I beg the
+abstainers to tell the plain, brutal truth as I do, and
+refrain from scandalising a decent class of citizens.
+Why on earth should the landlord be named as a
+pariah among the virtuous classes? He is a
+capitalist who is tempted to invest money in a trade
+which is the mainstay of our revenue; he is hedged in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span>
+with restrictions, and the faintest slip ruins him for
+ever. The very nature of his business compels him
+to be smart, obliging, ostentatiously friendly; yet
+with all this the Government treat him as if he were
+by nature a thief, while thousands of earnest but
+ignorant and foolish people reckon him an enemy of
+society.</p>
+
+<p>Pray who is forced or solicited to buy the landlord's
+wares? Your butcher cries "Buy, buy, buy!" your
+draper sends out bills and sandwich-men; but the
+publican would be scouted if he went out touting for
+custom. If a man asks for drink he knows quite well
+what he is doing, and if he takes too much it is
+because of some morbid taint or unlucky weakness.</p>
+
+<p>Take away the taint, and strengthen the weakness;
+but do not pour blackguard and unfair abuse on
+business men who are in no way answerable for
+human frailty.</p>
+
+<p>When I hear (as I often do) some flabby boozer
+whining and ascribing his trouble to the drinkshop, I
+despise him. Who took him to the drinkshop?
+Was it not to please himself that he went? Did he
+care for any other being's gratification but his own<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span>
+when he slipped the alcohol down his throat? Yet
+he appeals for pity. I reckon that I know England
+and Scotland as well as most commercial travellers,
+and I have been compelled to depend for my comfort
+and well-being on the men whom some of the Alliance
+folk call pariahs. In all my experience I have come
+across less than a dozen men whom I should imagine
+to rank among the shady division. I should be a liar
+if I said that many public-houses are highly moral and
+useful institutions; but the abuses are due to the
+rank faults of human nature, and not to the class of
+traders who are alternately described as venal
+sycophants or robbers. Let us be fair. The Devil
+has enough to bear, and for any harm which we bring
+to ourselves we should not lay the blame on him or
+fate.</p>
+
+<p>The whole Raveloe scene is full of typical errors.
+It is too pretty, too decent, too neat, too humourous.
+There is very little fun to be got out of public-house
+humours, because the vanity of the various
+talkers is offensive, and their stupidity has not the
+charm of simplicity. If such a man as, say, Mr.
+Matthew Arnold wanted to test the accuracy of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span>
+"Silas Marner" chapter for critical purposes, he
+would scarcely recover the ordeal of a night spent in a
+haunt of the hardened toper. If the company
+happened to be unembarrassed, their ribaldry
+would sicken the philosopher; their coarse manners
+would revolt him; their political talk&mdash;well, that
+would probably stupefy him and cause him to flee.</p>
+
+<p>Here are my notes of one specimen conversation,
+given without any dramatic nonsense or idealisation.
+My memory can be trusted absolutely, and I have
+often reported a long interview in such a way that the
+person interviewed saw nothing to alter.</p>
+
+<p>Bowman guffawed, and his purple face swelled with
+merriment, for he had been hearing a whispered story
+told by Bill Preston, an elderly retired tradesman.
+Bill is a most respectable man whose daughters hold
+quite a leading position in the society of our district.
+He is great on church business, and he is the vicar's
+right-hand man. It is a noble sight to see him on
+Sundays when he stalks down the aisle, nattily dressed
+in black, and wearing a devotional air; but in our
+parlour his sole aim is to tell the queerest stories in
+the greatest possible number, and his collection&mdash;amassed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span>
+by years of loving industry&mdash;is large and
+various. He cannot hear the simplest speech without
+trying to extract some bawdy significance from it,
+and when he has scored a thoroughly indecent success,
+his clean, rosy, jolly face is lit up by a fascinating
+smile. Ah! if ladies only heard these sober fathers
+of families when conversational high jinks are in
+progress, they would be decidedly enlightened.</p>
+
+<p>When Bowman ended his guffaw he said, with
+admiration, "You naughty old man! How dare you
+go for to corrupt my morals?" And Bill received the
+tribute with modest gratification. Then a loud voice
+silenced us all, and Joe Pidgeon, our great logician,
+began to hold forth.</p>
+
+<p>"Wot did old Disraely do? Why, they was all
+frightened of him. He was a masterpiece, I tell you.
+What was that there heppigram as he made?&mdash;'Inebriated
+with the hexuberance of his own
+verbosity.' There's langwidge for you! And he
+kep' it up, too, he did. He was the brightest diadem
+in England's crown, he was. But this Gladstone!&mdash;wot's
+he? Show me any trade as he's benefited!
+Ain't he taken the British Flag to the bloomin' pawnshop?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span>
+Gord love me, he oughter be 'ung, he did!
+I tell you he ought to be 'ung. If you was to say to
+me to-morrow 'Will you 'ang old Gladstone?' I'd
+'andle the rope. He's a blank robber and a scoundrel,
+he is.</p>
+
+<p>"What's this new man, Lord Churchill, goin' to
+do? He's a red-hot 'un. He does slip into 'em,
+and no mistake. He's a coming man, I reckon. I
+never see such a flow of language as that bit where he
+called old Gommy a superannuated Pharisee. That
+was up against him, wasn't it?"</p>
+
+<p>An old man spoke. He is feeble, but he is regarded
+as an authority on literature, politics, and
+other matters. "There's never been a good day for
+anybody since the old-fashioned elections was done
+away with. All the houses was open, fun going on
+for days, and the candidates was free as free could
+be. Your vote was worth something then. I remember
+when Horsley put up against Palmer. A
+rare man was Palmer! Why, that Palmer drove
+down with a coach-and-four and postilions, and he
+kept us all alive for a week. He'd kiss the children
+in the streets, and he'd set all the taps free in any<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span>
+inn that he went into. It's all purity and that sort
+of thing now.</p>
+
+<p>"I don't see no good in talking politics. One of
+the jiggers says one thing, and one of them says
+another thing. I think the first one's right, then I
+think the other one's right, and then I think nothing
+at all. I say, give us something good for trade, and
+let us have a fair chance of making money. That's
+my motto.</p>
+
+<p>"And, I say, let's have a law to turn those d&mdash;&mdash;d
+Germans out of the country. They come over here&mdash;the
+hungry, poverty-stricken brutes&mdash;and they take
+the bread out of Englishmen's mouths, and they talk
+about education. Education! who cares for education?
+I never could read a book in my life without
+falling asleep, and I can give some of the educated
+ones a start in my small way. Why, I've got a
+tenant&mdash;a literary man&mdash;and he has about six pound
+of meat sent home in a week. There's education for
+you. I say, out with the Germans!"</p>
+
+<p>Rullock, the cultured man, was hurt when he heard
+education mentioned lightly. He said, "Excuse <i>me</i>,
+friend Bowler, but I think we must reckonise the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span>
+claims of edgication. We all know you; we all
+respect you, and we know you'll cut up well at the
+finish; but I must disagree with you on that one
+subject. I'm a edgicated man&mdash;I may say that
+much. My father paid sixty pound a year at boarding-school
+for me. Sixty&mdash;pounds&mdash;a&mdash;year; so if
+I'm not edgicated, I should like to know who is.
+It's a great advantage to you. Look at the position
+you take when you go into a public room, and talk
+about any subject that comes up. Suppose you're
+ignorant; well, there you sit; and what are you?
+You're nobody. No, I approve of edgication&mdash;it
+improves the mind. It does undoubtedly improve the
+mind. Look now at this Randolph Churchill that's
+come to the front. What is it but edgication that
+brought him forward? I should venture to say he's
+a learned man, and knows lots of languages and
+sciences, else how'd he shut up such a wonderful
+orator as Gladstone? We all know as old Beaky
+was edgicated. Look at his books. How'd he write
+a book without it? I began "Cohningsby," and, I
+tell you, it's grand&mdash;sublime. No, friend B., I think
+you must give in I'm right."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"And I think you're a lot of &mdash;&mdash; fools."</p>
+
+<p>This interruption came from the devout Billy&mdash;Billy
+Preston. That pious man liked to have the
+talk mainly to himself, and he thought that anything
+not obscene was tame. By the way, these abrupt
+and insolent remarks are characteristic of public-house
+wit. A favourite joke is to ask a friend a
+serious question. When he fails to answer, then the
+joker shouts some totally irrelevant and indecent
+word, and the questioned man is regarded as "sold."
+I cannot repeat the interlude with which Billy
+Preston favoured us, but it was very spicy indeed,
+and referred to some of those sacred secrets which
+are known to all. For a pillar of the Church, Billy
+displayed rather amazing tastes and abilities. Then
+the talk fell into decency after the regulation merriment
+had greeted Mr. Preston's closing effort.</p>
+
+<p>"How long will you give Jobson to hold out?"</p>
+
+<p>"I don't know. He's into everybody's books all
+round. I should like to pick up that pony if he does
+smash."</p>
+
+<p>"I heard Charley Dunn say that Mrs. Jobson was
+round at old Burdett's asking for time. Jimmy<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>
+Burdett's got a lot of Jobson's paper, and I shouldn't
+wonder if he stole a march on the other creditors."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, Jobson's a good sort, but he couldn't last.
+He's too free with his money. I never wanted his
+champagne and his suppers, but you had to drop in
+like the others, and there you are."</p>
+
+<p>A strident voice drowned the scandal, and an
+admiring group ceased smoking and listened spellbound
+to a characteristic anecdote. I cannot put in
+all the expletives, but I may say that the speaker
+modelled his style on that of the more eloquent
+betting men whom he knew.</p>
+
+<p>"I says to him, you'll trot me, will you? Why,
+go on with you, run and see your grandmother, and
+get her to wipe your nose for you. Strike me, I
+could sweep the blank chimney with you! You want
+to get on to me, and you know my cob can't go more
+than eleven at the outside. I was kiddin' him on, do
+you see? Then I winks at old Sammy, and he says,
+very solemn, 'It's absurd for you, sir, to talk of
+trotting this gentleman. The cob's out of condition,
+and rough as a badger.' You see I let the cob keep
+his winter coat, and he was an object and no error.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span>
+So this bloke was a fly flat, don't you know, and I
+could see he bit. He says, 'I'd like to have a match
+with you.' So I tips the office to Sammy, and
+blanked if he didn't go and knock in a slice of
+bloomin' flint a little way between the shoe and the
+near fore foot. I says very timid, 'Well, sir, I don't
+mind having a try just for a bit of sport, if you'll lay
+&pound;30 to &pound;20.' He says, 'Done with you,' and we
+staked. When I sees my pony walking gingerly, I
+made as if I was took aback. He saw the same
+thing, and says, 'Pony's wrong.' 'Yes,' says I,
+'worse luck.' He says, 'I lay you &pound;50 to &pound;30 I
+beat you.' I says, 'You have me at a disadvantage,
+sir, but I'm on,' and I pulls out my three tenners.
+Then Sammy got the flint out, and we went into the
+road. I let him go away, and after we'd done five
+mile he waves and cries good-bye. I never hustled
+my cob, for I found I could go by when I liked.
+Two mile from Dorking I gives the cob his head.
+Lord love you, he can do seventeen inside the hour,
+and he left that juggins as if he was standing still.
+When he drove up at Dorking, he says, 'You're a
+red-hot member!' and, by God, I think I am!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>This interesting yarn was received with rapture,
+and a remarkably strong anecdote of a lady and her
+footman fell flat, much to Mr. Preston's disgust.
+Then came the hour for personalities. As the drink
+takes effect our parlour customers attempt satire, and
+their efforts are always of a strongly personal nature.</p>
+
+<p>"If I'd a boiled beetroot face like you, I'd never
+show my 'ed in a public room again."</p>
+
+<p>"What's your wrong end like, you bloomin'
+Dutchman?"</p>
+
+<p>"You shouldn't kiss and tell." (Rapturous applause.)</p>
+
+<p>"Get away. You're too mean and miserable to do
+anything but count your dibs. He's so mean, gentlemen,
+that when he dropped a sixpence into the
+plate at church instead of a fourpenny-piece, he
+stopped his wife's cat's-meat allowance for a week to
+make up."</p>
+
+<p>"If I had a voice like you I'd have it stuffed."</p>
+
+<p>"If I had a nose like you I'd pay no more gas
+bills. You know your wife emptied the water-jug on
+you that night when you were lying boozed, because
+she thought it was a red-hot cinder on the floor."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>And so on. The company part without any goodwill,
+and a night of odious stupidity is over. Personally,
+I regard every hour I have spent in this
+public-house as wasted. I never in my life heard a
+word of real fun, or real sense, excepting from men
+who were merely casual visitors. The person whose
+mind is satisfied by the parlour dullness of that
+nightly foolery only becomes animated when he is
+indecent. In tracing the natural history of a public-house
+I have found the respectable dullards the most
+revolting of my subjects.</p>
+
+<p>But the mere fact that our one wretched hole is
+stupid and sometimes revolting by no means proves
+that all other places are of the same sort. I know
+one quiet, cleanly room where many smart young
+fellows go; their trade compels them to be decorous,
+and you see nothing but courtesy, and hear much
+good-natured and sensible chat.</p>
+
+<p>The riverside 'Arry is always an awful being, but
+the gentle, respectful lad who takes his lemonade and
+enjoys himself in German fashion is nice company.
+I have seen all sorts, and, while I would gladly burst
+a 13-inch shell in such a cankered doghole as The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>
+Chequers, I am bound to say that there are a few
+cosy, harmless places whereof the loss would be a
+calamity.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>I grow weary now, and often at nights, when the
+vast shadow of the lamp shudders on the ceiling and
+the wind moans hoarsely outside, I fall back in sheer
+luxury on the fine, straight, cut-and-thrust of old Boswell's
+conversations as a relief from the slavering babble
+which I often hear. Being a Loafer is all very
+good so far; but some of the men (and women) who
+address me use a kind of familiarity that makes me
+long to lie down and die. A man never loses the
+dandy instinct, and when you come to be actually
+addressed in familiar, or even impudent, terms by a
+sort of promoted housemaid, it makes you long for the
+soft-voiced, quiet ladies to whom a false accent or a
+shrill word would be a horror.</p>
+
+<p>So long as you are a Loafer you must be prepared
+to put up with much. The better-class artisan is
+always a gentleman who never offers nor endures a
+liberty; but some of the flash sort are unendurable,
+and their womenkind are worse. With costers and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>
+bargemen one can always get on familiarly: it is the
+pretentious, vulgar men and females who are horrible.</p>
+
+<p>Often and often I am tempted to creep back among
+the lights again, and feel the old delicate joy from
+cultured talk, lovely music, steady refinement, and
+beauty. Then comes the reckless fit, and I am off to
+The Chequers. Here is a rhyme which takes my fancy.
+I suppose it is my own, but have quite forgotten:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">This is the skull of a man,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Soon shall your head be as empty:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Laugh and be glad while you can.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<hr style='width: 45%; margin-left: 3em;' /><br />
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">Where, from the silver that rims it,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Glows the red spirit of wine,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Once there was longing and passion,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Finding a woman divine;<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Blurred is the finished design,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">This was the scope of the plan:<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Death, the dry Jester's old bauble&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Drink and be glad while you can.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i2">Sorry and cynical symbol,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Ghastly old caricature,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">We, too, must walk in thy footsteps,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">We but a little endure.<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Bah! since the end is so sure,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Let us out-frolic our span,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Death is a hush and a darkness&mdash;<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Drink and be glad while you can.<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="A_QUEER_CHRISTMAS" id="A_QUEER_CHRISTMAS"></a>A QUEER CHRISTMAS.</h2>
+
+<p>The Loafer seems to have fancied the company of
+seamen a great deal. At The Chequers few of
+the saltwater fellows fore-gathered, but when they did
+our Loafer was never long in picking them up. Here
+is one of the yarns which he heard. It is stuck in
+the Diary without reference to date, place of hearing,
+or anything else.</p>
+
+<p>Joe Glenn used to say that the queerest Christmas
+Day he ever spent fell in 1883, the year of the
+great gale. In that year there was cruel trouble, and
+the number of folks wearing mourning that one met in
+Hull and Yarmouth, and the other places, was enough
+to make the most light-hearted man feel miserable.
+Black everywhere&mdash;nothing but black at every turn;
+and then the women's faces looked so wistful, and the
+children seemed so quiet, that I couldn't bear to walk<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span>
+the streets. The women would question any stranger
+that came from the quays, and they scorned to think
+that there was not always a chance for their men; but
+the dead seamen were swinging about in the ooze far
+down under the grey waves, and the poor souls who
+went gaping and gazing day after day had all their
+trouble for nothing.</p>
+
+<p>Glenn towed out on the 20th of October, and he
+cried, "Good-bye, Sal; back for Christmas!" as they
+surged away toward Gorleston. Joe was mate of the
+Esperanza, and he was a very promising chap. He
+knew his way about the North Sea blindfold, and
+all he didn't know about his trade wasn't worth knowing.
+If you had asked him who Mr. Gladstone was
+he would probably have said, "I've heerd on him,"
+but he could not have told you anything about Mr.
+Gladstone or any other statesman. So far as the
+world ashore went, Joe was as ignorant as a five-year-old
+child, and you would have laughed till you cried
+had you seen his delight when the pictures in a
+nursery-book were explained to him. It is hardly
+possible to imagine the existence of a grown man who
+is ignorant of things that are known to a child in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span>
+infant school; but there are many such knocking about
+at sea. What can you expect? They live amid the
+moaning desolation of that sad sea all the year round;
+they never used to have any schooling, and their world
+even now is limited by the blank horizon, with the rail
+of their boat for inner barrier. Glenn could very
+nearly read Moore's Almanac, and, as that great work
+was the only literature on board, he often interpreted
+it, and he was counted a great scholar. Then, he
+could actually use a sextant, and his way of working
+out his latitude was chaste and picturesque. Supposing
+he made the sun 29 deg. 18 min., and the declination
+for the day was 6 deg. 34 min. 22 sec., then he put
+down his figures this way:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p style="margin-right: 45%; text-align: right;">
+8948<br />
+2918<br />
+6300<br />
+634<br />
+5356<br />
+</p>
+
+<p>and when his chums saw him working out this
+profound calculation on the side of a bucket or on the
+companion hatch, they would say, "He's a wonnerful
+masterpiece. Yea, but he is, and nothin' but
+that."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Glenn was daring&mdash;but that is nothing to say, for
+all the fishermen seem insensible to fear. He was
+only once scared, and that was when he found a man
+leaning against the boat one pitch-dark night, just
+after the fishers had hauled. Joe thought the fellow
+was loafing, so he hit him a clout on the head, and
+made very uncomplimentary remarks. The victim of
+the assault took it very coolly, and one of the crew
+shouted&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"Don't touch that theer! He come up in the net
+while you was below."</p>
+
+<p>Then Joe looked at the face, and when he found he
+had been punching a dead man he was sick.</p>
+
+<p>But under any ordinary circumstances you couldn't
+shake the man's nerve, and he was fit to go anywhere,
+and do anything so far as the sea was concerned.</p>
+
+<p>The Esperanza got up to her consorts, and then the
+usual toilsome monotony of the fisherman's life began.
+At the end of a month Joe looked a pretty object, for
+he had not washed himself all the time, and his hair
+and beard were like rough felt matting. There isn't
+much time for washing in the winter, and the fellows
+often go for a couple of months without feeling any<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span>
+water, except from the seas that are shipped. After
+the month was over the men began to pick up heart,
+and they notched off the days on the beams with much
+enjoyment.</p>
+
+<p>Joe was like most of the fishermen: he liked to
+talk to the gulls. You see, when you are knocking
+around for a couple of months, you soon tire of
+your own shipmates, and there is no one else to talk
+with. The sea mostly makes it awkward to put out a
+boat except for purely business purposes, and you
+gradually get into the way of taking delight in small
+things. Joe would go aft, and call, "Kittee, Kittee&mdash;come,
+Kittee!" Then with superb curves the
+lovely gulls swept round, and remained delicately
+poised over the stern. Joe flung pieces of fish into
+the air, and kept chatting volubly as his pets swooped
+and squabbled. "Go and tell them we're coming,
+Kittee, my prittee. Only twenty days more and
+round she goes. Tell them we're all well, you sluts,
+and you'll have plenty of fish when we run out again."
+The gulls are the fisherman's friends, and the men
+insist on crediting the beautiful, rapacious birds with
+an accurate knowledge of human affairs.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>So the days flew by, and the time came when sugar&mdash;the
+seaman's luxury in winter&mdash;began to run short.
+That was enough to make the fellows sick for home,
+and they were ready to dance for joy when the gay
+flag was hoisted at last. Gaily the Esperanza rattled
+through the fleet, and envious men cried "What
+cheer!" in a doleful manner. After a twelve hours'
+run the wind fell away, and the sky began to look funny.
+Hoarse vague noises came over the sea, and it seemed
+as if certain sounds were growing weary and swooning
+away. Little breaths of air came softly&mdash;oh, so softly,
+and so deadly cold!&mdash;but the tiny puffs were hardly
+enough to send a feather far. The birds wailed a
+good deal, and when the ducks began to cry "Karm,
+kah-ah-arm," the men shouted, "Billee, run, Billee;
+or I'll bring the policeman!" for all the chaps hate to
+hear the ducks yawping.</p>
+
+<p>Clouds of haze moved around, and when the moon
+came up she seemed to be glowering from her shroud.
+Joe was anxious to take in something, but the skipper
+said, "Don't think there'll be much of it. We can
+reef her when it comes away. I want to be home."
+All the night it seemed as though something evil were<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span>
+in the air, and even the men below were depressed.
+Sometimes it happens that if you work long in a
+lonely house, you find yourself at night living in dread
+of some vague ill, and every crack of the woodwork is
+like an ominous message. It is just that way at sea
+before a bad gale.</p>
+
+<p>When Joe saw the moon beginning to paint the
+clouds with leprous hues, and the great ring grew
+wider and wider, he looked at the mainsail, and wished
+the trouble over. At midnight there came a sigh;
+then a rattle of blocks, and then a big, silent wave
+came pouring along. Something was astir somewhere,
+and before long the Esperanza's crew knew what
+was the matter. The last glare of wild-fire flushed the
+sky, and then down came the breeze. The Esperanza
+was as stiff as a house, but it made her lie over a little,
+and she roared along in fine style. In two hours the
+vessel was putting her lee rail nearly under, and a
+single sharp squall would have hove her down, so the
+hands were called up to reef her. Joe was out on the
+boom, getting the reef-earrings adrift, when the first of
+the chapter of accidents came. A man sang out,
+"Look out for a drop o' water!" and a black mountain<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span>
+smashed over the Esperanza in an instant after. Joe
+saw the third hand slip, and the next second the man
+was whisked overboard. The Esperanza was still
+smothered, and a stab of pity went through Joe's heart
+as he saw his shipmate wallowing. But he had no
+time for sentiment; he grabbed the reef-earring with
+his left hand, and clutched at the man with his right.
+When the vessel shook herself, both good fellows came
+inboard, and hung on panting. "No time to lose,"
+said Joe; and indeed there wasn't. The spoondrift
+began to fly so that you could not see the moon, and
+the wind was enough to choke you if you faced it. I
+have heard Joe say that small shot couldn't have hit
+you very much harder than the drift when you looked
+to windward. Then the sea was growing worse every
+minute, until at last every man on board except the
+skipper wanted to let her ride. But the worthy
+captain said, "If she's got to be smothered, she'll be
+smothered moving. The nearer to home the nearer to
+help, and she shall go." So the Esperanza tore on
+throughout the awful night with all four of her reefs in,
+and it was a mercy, that she was never badly hit. At
+dawn the rushing hills of water were travelling like<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span>
+lightning. It was just as though some mighty <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original has 'ower'.">power</ins>
+had set an Alpine district moving, and when a vessel
+soared over the crown of a grey mountain she looked
+like a mere seabird. In the valleys of this mad, winding
+mountain range the whistling hurricane raved and
+whirled, and the drift that was plucked looked like
+smoke from some hellish cauldron. And still the
+grizzled old skipper would go on, though it was touch-and-go
+every time a sequence of strong seas came
+howling down. The foresail went, and that was bad;
+but those fine seamen do not ever come to the end of
+their resources so long as life lasts, and they got ready
+to set another as soon as the wind showed the least
+sign of fining off. The Esperanza tore onward, lunging
+violently, and shaking as though she dreaded the
+grip of some savage pursuer. No wonder the seamen
+speak of a vessel as if she had intelligence; there is
+something so strangely vivid in the expression of a ship
+that it cannot be expressed in words, and I shall not try.</p>
+
+<p>At length Joe sang out, "I reckon that's the
+Galloper, skipper."</p>
+
+<p>"Right you are, chap! And what's that by the
+edge of the broken water? Wessel, I fancy."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"'Tis a barque, skipper, and he's got 'em flyin'."</p>
+
+<p>The two men watched the vessel a long time, and
+they determined to run down on her as near as might
+be safe. As they drew on her it appeared that she
+was not actually hard-and-fast, but she was bumping
+apparently, and they guessed she had her anchors out.
+There is nothing in the way of close shaves that a
+smacksman will not venture, and the Esperanza was
+soon within speaking distance.</p>
+
+<p>"We have a pilot aboard!" sang out someone on
+deck.</p>
+
+<p>"A lightning sort of pilot to ram her nose on the
+Galloper!" growled the old skipper. <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original lacked the opening double quote.">"Do you</ins> want
+any assistance?"</p>
+
+<p>"Stand by for a bit and we'll see."</p>
+
+<p>So the Esperanza went to leeward of the shoal and
+hove-to. Presently the stranger signalled, "Come on
+board of us."</p>
+
+<p>Then Joe said, "That fellow's in a frap before his
+time, skipper. I believe she'll come off when the tide
+turns. If she does, and we have her in charge, that's
+a nice lump of money for all of us."</p>
+
+<p>"But how are we going to get to him?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"I'll go," said Joe. "Give me old Bill, and we'll
+take the boat down on him. You get the trawl warp
+ready, and we'll either tow him or steer him."</p>
+
+<p>"Right, chap; over with your boat, lads!"</p>
+
+<p>Then Bill lay down in the boat, Joe put an oar in
+the sculling-notch, and the little thing flew before
+wind and sea, while the smack drew off a little.
+Presently the bulge of the boat's bow glanced along
+the ship's side, and Joe flung his painter. Then a
+man clambered on to the rail, and Joe roared,
+"Where are you coming to?"</p>
+
+<p>"I'm the pilot, and I'm coming aboard of you."</p>
+
+<p>"That you're not, you blasted coward! Stay
+where you are, and we'll see if we can't save the
+wessel."</p>
+
+<p>But the pilot had lost his head. He got ready for
+a jump; the boat lifted, and he sprang; the backwash
+pushed her out, and the man's left foot only just
+touched the gunwale. He screamed like a woman,
+gripped vainly at the air, and rolled under. A sea
+drove his head against the ship's side; the boat
+swung with tremendous force. Scraunch! and the
+poor fellow was gone, with his head crushed like a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span>
+walnut. Joe tried to grab him with the boathook,
+but it was useless, and the unhappy poltroon's body
+was whirled away.</p>
+
+<p>"Here's a nice go for a start! Up with you,
+Billy!"</p>
+
+<p>Then the two fishermen gained the deck, and found
+not a soul to meet them. "Where the devil are they
+all?" Joe ran forward, and went below. In the dim
+light he could see little, but he heard a sound as of
+men moaning, and as his sight became accustomed to
+the dusk he saw several swarthy fellows kneeling.
+They were kissing their crucifixes and making a
+woeful noise. Joe yelled, "Where's your skipper?"
+but no one heeded him, and the moaning prayers went
+on. With a curse Joe rushed aft. On his way he
+saw the sounding rod, and he shouted, "See how
+much she's got in her, Bill. There's a set of mounseers
+forrad there, no more good than kittens."</p>
+
+<p>Then the mate entered the after-cabin, and found a
+man on the floor. "What cheer, O, what cheer!
+Tumble up, my daisy!"</p>
+
+<p>The man glared glassily, and muttered, "I speak
+him Ingleese very good."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Never mind your Ingleese; come on, and make
+your fellows help to pump." The captain rose,
+reeled, and fell. He was mortal drunk.</p>
+
+<p>"You been do you dam please," he hiccupped; and
+Joe retired with a shrug.</p>
+
+<p>It was clear that the English pilot had run a
+Spanish ship aground, as nearly as possible, and only
+the two anchors kept her from going hard on. The
+two Englishmen found that the vessel had five feet of
+water in her, and, in their plain, matter-of-fact way,
+they set to work. Ugly washes were coming over,
+but they lashed themselves to the pump and set to
+work like the indomitable seadogs that they were.
+They could not make her suck, but before they were
+utterly exhausted they reduced the water much, and
+then they cast themselves clear and began to prepare
+for the tide. They put the fore topsail on her, and
+then signalled for their own vessel. With a last
+effort they got one anchor, but, when Joe proposed
+trying the other, poor Billy groaned, "That's a pill
+enough for me, Joe; I shall die if we stand to it any
+more. Slip the other cable, boy." Joe agreed; the
+anchor was lost, and the men prepared for the first<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span>
+creak that would show that the tide was coming. The
+sea seemed to be fining off a bit, so they looked round,
+and found to their horror that the rudder was gone.
+She wallowed. "There she goes, Bill. But Lord,
+what a job! Tell you, the smack must go under bare
+poles; we'll make her fast aft, and she'll steer us."</p>
+
+<p>This was a genuine seamanlike idea, for, of course,
+the drag of the smack would steady the barque, and
+the two vessels could crawl along with some approach
+to surety. Another roll and groaning of timbers, then
+came a lull and a flaw of wind; the topsail pulled,
+and, with a long grind, the barque rolled off into deep
+water.</p>
+
+<p>"Hooray! Let her drift as she likes till the skipper
+gets to us."</p>
+
+<p>Bill jumped into the boat and guided her down
+wind to the Esperanza. The smack came close
+round, another hand joined Bill, and in half an hour a
+couple of warps were made fast to the Spaniard, and
+the two vessels went on in procession. They could
+not do so much as a knot per hour, but, at all events,
+they were drawing into open water, and the smack
+steered the barque quite true.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>It was a pity that a second hand did not remain
+with Joe, but no one foresaw what would happen.
+The good mate went below forward, and found the
+men worse than ever from drink, panic, and religion.
+He tried all he knew to fetch them on deck, but
+nothing would serve. He tried the captain, but that
+worthy seaman was sleeping like a hog, and the
+cognac was running in slavers from his mouth.</p>
+
+<p>"Shouldn't wonder if he has 'em on when he starts
+on the beer again," muttered Joe. He saw a large
+sheath-knife, and secured that in his own belt;
+then he took a mouthful of wine, and went to his
+post.</p>
+
+<p>There was plenty of sea, but the prize was far too
+valuable to be left, and Glenn determined to make a
+bold bid for fortune. Not a single vessel passed
+them all night, and they were lonely at dawn next
+day. The sailors crept up one by one, but they only
+gathered in a jabbering knot, and scowled at the
+Englishman heavily. Joe made signs for them to
+turn-to at the pumps, but they scowled still more.
+Then he signed that he wanted something to eat, but
+the fellows only looked venomous, and poor Joe<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span>
+groaned, "To-morrow's Christmas Day, and no
+tommy to eat&mdash;let be the pudden!"</p>
+
+<p>It was indeed heartrending; but the skipper was a
+thoughtful man, and when he found that his mate was
+famine-struck, he risked swamping the boat, and sent
+some beef and biscuit. The shameless Spaniards had
+plenty below, but they were enraged for some reason
+or other, and they would have let their deliverer
+hunger himself to the bone.</p>
+
+<p>That evening, while Joe was easing the warps by
+shoving pieces of coir where the bite came, he felt a
+grip on his neck. Like a flash he thought, "Now, the
+knife." He wrenched himself round, and there was
+the Spanish captain, glaring, trembling, and
+breathing hard.</p>
+
+<p>"See, see! You been help, Ingleese!" and he
+pointed to the dusk as he shrieked.</p>
+
+<p>Joe saw at once that the man was wild with drink,
+and he put on a smile, with a notion of coaxing the
+captain over. In a little while he managed to get
+him below, and, foolishly, filled him some more
+cognac. Joe thought it best to stupefy the fellow,
+and the brandy certainly did send him to sleep.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>That was a bad night, for the wind rose again,
+and such a sea ran that Glenn gave up hope at midnight,
+and got ready for the worst. At the dawn of
+Christmas Day the skipper offered to relieve him, but
+the risk would have been too much, and the dogged
+East Coaster stuck to his work, though he was
+aching, drenched, and so sleepy that he did not know
+how to keep his eyes open.</p>
+
+<p>A queer Christmas? Yes, but not much more
+queer than the Christmas passed by thousands of good
+fellows on that treacherous great channel. The
+warps both parted with an awful jerk at noon, just as
+Joe was about to drink a dismal health to Sal with
+some of the captain's cognac. He took a look round,
+and, though I cannot say that his courage went, I am
+bound to tell you that a kind of ferocious despair
+seized on him when he found the <ins class="correction" title="Transcriber's Note: Original has 'bargue'.">barque</ins> yawing away
+from the Esperanza. She might broach-to any time,
+and then all would be over. Poor Joe! Not a soul
+was there to comfort him. The Spanish sluggards
+came up sometimes and scowled, then they went
+below again. It was cruel work. The skipper of the
+Esperanza made desperate efforts to get up, but dusk<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span>
+fell before he came near, and then it was too late to
+try anything especially as the barque was going yard-arm
+under. Dark fell, and Joe heard moaning and
+gibbering once more. The captain was creeping
+along the deck, "saying something about Madd-ray,"
+as Joe put it. "It was him as was mad," the
+smacksman said, with an attempt at humour. "He
+made a try to stick me, and I felt something sting
+my arm like a pin going in."</p>
+
+<p>That was true. The maddened drunkard made
+a staggering attempt to stab Glenn, and then, with
+a yell, he poised on the rail and jumped into the
+sea.</p>
+
+<p>That was really about enough for one Christmas
+Day, and Joe's nerve was all gone.</p>
+
+<p>The cold seemed to grip his blood, for he had taken
+little good nourishment; the vessel was helpless, and
+there was no shelter from the flying rivers of water
+that came over. Joe felt that strange, hard pain
+across the brows that seizes a man who has been long
+sleepless, and he could have dozed off had it not been
+for the continual breaking of the seas. He saw the
+Esperanza's lights, and he wished that the boat could<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span>
+have been sent, if it were only to give him a little
+company. The rolling of the barque was awful at two
+in the morning, and, at last, one violent kick parted
+the mizen rigging on the starboard side. Then
+came one vast roll, and a ponderous rush of water,
+and with a tearing crash, the mast went over the
+side.</p>
+
+<p>Joe edged his way forward, and once more spoke to
+the gang in the forecastle. By dint of signs he made
+them understand that he wanted a hatchet, and he
+also contrived to let them know that they must go
+down unless the port rigging was severed. For a
+wonder he got what he wanted, and he laboured until
+his elbows were numbed before the bumping, rolling
+mast was clear.</p>
+
+<p>Four hours till daylight, and wind and sea getting
+worse. Something must be done, or the strained ship
+would go for a certainty; it only wanted one unlucky
+sea to settle her. But what could one man do? If
+two of the sodden ruffians forrad would only come up,
+then something might be done; but one tired sailor
+was of little use. Glenn resolved to make one more
+appeal to the Spaniards, for he had a bright plan in his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span>
+head, and he needed no more than the aid of two men
+to carry it out. A spare mainyard was lashed out on
+deck, and Joe had noticed it with the seaman's quick
+eye when he came on board. If he could only get hold
+of a spare topsail he could save the vessel, and he was
+ready to go on his knees to the men if they would
+show him a sail locker. After imploring, cursing
+threatening, for five minutes, Joe at last got the mate
+to lug out a sail; then he persuaded a lad who was
+more sober than the rest to come on deck with a
+lantern. Now, it will be noticed that foreign seamen
+in general are dreadfully afraid of taking to the boat.
+During this present winter our fellows have saved four
+or five foreign crews, and in every case the vessels had
+their own boats undamaged, but the men dursn't risk
+the trip themselves, so our fishermen had to peril
+their lives. The Spaniard's boat was lashed so
+that no mortal could get her clear, and the little
+craft was used as a sort of lumber-closet. Glenn
+had noticed some steel rails in the boat, and he
+guessed that these specimens of railway plant were
+accidentally left out until the hatches had been
+battened down.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>He thanked God for the negligence.</p>
+
+<p>Working with desperate speed, he rudely bent the
+spare sail to the spar; then to the lower cloth of the
+sail he managed to fix two of the weighty rails, and
+then commenced to lug the yard past the vessel's
+foremast. It takes a long time to tell all this, but Joe
+was not long, though every movement was made at the
+risk of his life. He hacked away two lengths of rope
+measuring each about eighty feet; he made these into
+bridles, knotting one end of each piece to the end of
+the spar, and taking the other ends round the timber-heads.
+Two pieces of thin rope, hauled out of the
+hamper aft, were made fast to the ends of the steel rails,
+and then Joe made a frantic effort to get his apparatus
+over the side. No good; he must humiliate himself
+again before those unspeakable aliens. Drenched,
+agonised for lack of sleep, weak with exertion, and
+bleeding from the hustling blows that he had received,
+the poor soul besought the men to lend him a hand,
+and swore to save them. They understood him fast
+enough, and one peculiarly drunken individual blundered
+up and obeyed Glenn's signs. With a violent effort
+the spar was hoisted and dropped; the steel rails sank,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span>
+and there was an apparatus like an enormous window-blind
+hanging in the water. The barque soon felt the
+pull of this novel anchor; she swung round, with her
+head to the sea, and to Joe's passionate delight she
+rode more softly, for the big spar broke every sea,
+and very little water came on board afterwards.
+The vessel was securely moored, for she could
+not drag that great expanse of canvas through the
+seas.</p>
+
+<p>When the grey light rose, there was quite plenty of
+sea, but the barque was all right, and so was Joe, for
+he had coolly gone below, and he fell asleep, with a
+thankful heart, on the cabin bench. The ship was
+quiet as a cradle, and the smack's boat got up to
+her easily. The warps were made fast again,
+and the two vessels once more went away in
+procession.</p>
+
+<p>This time Joe had English company, and the two
+men had a good time until the tug picked them up
+off Lowestoft. Joe Glenn had not changed a stitch
+for eleven days, but he did not mind the discomfort
+the lump of salvage made up for much pain
+and striving.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Joe bought a good cottage with his share, and he
+was satisfied; but I quite agreed with him when he
+said that his money was hard earned. No man ever
+spent a much queerer Christmas.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="JACK_BROWN" id="JACK_BROWN"></a>JACK BROWN.</h2>
+
+<p>When I first saw Jack, he had left his vessel at
+Barking Creek, and he was enjoying a very
+vigorous spree; but he never lost temper or became
+stupefied, and his loud merriment was rather pleasant
+than otherwise. Jack did not look by any means
+like a rough, for his face had a kind of girlish beauty.
+His dark cheeks were richly flushed, his throat was
+round and white, and his blue eyes twinkled with fun.
+He stood about six feet in height, and he would have
+made a fine guardsman, for he looked as if he had
+been carefully drilled all his life long. Men who
+habitually exercise every muscle and tendon acquire
+that graceful carriage which belongs to the military
+gymnast. This fine young fellow was full of high
+spirits and bodily power; courage was so natural to
+him that I do not think such a word as "brave"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span>
+ever entered his vocabulary. He had never been
+afraid of anything in his life, and it did not occur to
+him to think of danger. When Jack was a little
+child he was taken out to sea in his father's vessel, and
+henceforth a ship was his only home from year's end
+to year's end. The boy was so daring that he made
+some of the old hands nervous very often, and there
+were many doleful prophecies made regarding the
+ultimate fate of his carcase. On one blowy day when
+the ships were pitching freely, it happened that
+Jack's father went with fish to the steam cutter,
+leaving the urchin on deck. As the old man drew
+back within a quarter-mile of his smack, he saw a
+black figure clambering along the gaff, and he knew
+that it was Jack. Young Hopeful crawled from the
+throat of the gaff to the very end of the spar, and
+then proceeded to swarm up the gaff halyards&mdash;a
+most perilous proceeding. The father was aghast;
+he whispered hurriedly, "Pull, for God's sake; she'll
+roll him overboard before we get up." But the young
+monkey did not part with his hold so easily, and he
+came down by the rings of the mainsail without so
+much as grazing his shins.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>In every vessel the men must have a plaything,
+and Jack served his bigger comrades admirably in
+that capacity. Had not his father been on board, the
+lad might have been ill-used in the horrible way so
+common in the old days; but the stern skipper
+allowed no rough play, and the boy was merely set
+on to perform harmless tricks. Once the men dared
+him to climb down the bobstay, and he instantly
+tried; but he gave the crew a scare, for he could not
+climb back after the vessel had dipped him a few
+times, and, last of all, the boat was towered to rescue
+him. In hard weather and amid hard work, Jack
+grew steadily in strength and skill. I have seen him
+at work and he made me shudder, although the sight
+of his amazing agility might have given anybody
+confidence. On wet nights when the deck was like a
+rink, he would make a rush as the boat pitched; then
+he would pick up his rope unerringly in the dark and,
+in another second, you would see him over the side
+with one foot on the trawl-beam in an attitude risky
+enough to make you want to close your eyes.</p>
+
+<p>It was nothing much to see him take a flying
+spring on to the main boom in the dark, and hang<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span>
+there reefing while the vessel jerked so that you
+might have fancied she must send his ribs through
+the skin. I say it was nothing, because he performed
+this feat nearly every winter night, after the midnight
+haul, and the spectacle grew common. I never knew
+him bungle over a rope or make a bad slip, and it was
+simply a pleasure to see him steer. He never threw
+away an inch, and his way of stealing foot by foot
+was worthy of any jockey. Sometimes when I was
+at the wheel and running a little to leeward of another
+vessel, he would say, "I reckon I can weather him,
+sir, if you let me have her a bit;" and then, with
+delicate touches and catlike watching of every puff
+and every send of the sea, he would edge his way up,
+and pass his opponent neatly.</p>
+
+<p>Most wonderful of all it was to see Jack handling
+the small boat in heavy weather. While the wee
+cockle-shell was rolling and bungling under our
+quarter, he would jump on the rail, measure his
+distance perfectly, spring on to the boat's gunwale
+and fend her off before she made the return roll. A
+marvellous performance that was, and the marvel only
+increased when you saw the young fellow pitching<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span>
+heavy boxes of fish on to the deck of the great steam
+cutter.</p>
+
+<p>With a roar, and a savage sweep the big seas
+came; on their mountainous sides the shrill eddies of
+wind played, and the lines of foam twined in wavering
+mazes. Hill on hill gathered, and the seas looked
+like swelling Downs piled heap on heap, while the
+sonorous crests roared on hoarsely, and sometimes
+the face of the wild water was obscured in the white
+smoke plucked off by the gusts.</p>
+
+<p>Jack did not mind weather; the steamer hurled
+herself up on the bulge of a sea, and then you could
+get a glimpse of a tall, lithe figure, straining in the
+small boat alongside the rearing iron hulk. That
+splendid, lithe young lad performed prodigies of
+strength and courage; the hulk and the little boat
+sank down,&mdash;down until the steamer's mast-head
+disappeared; then with a rush the wave slid away,
+and the craft came toppling down the hither side of
+the mountain, and still that lithe figure was there,
+toiling fiercely and cleverly. Soon with a bound and
+a loud laugh, he was on board of us again, and no one
+could tell from one tremor of his merry, tawny face<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span>
+that he had been, of a truth, looking into the very
+jaws of death.</p>
+
+<p>This splendid man was innocent as a child of all
+worldly affairs unconnected with the sea. He once
+told me, "I can make a shift to get along with an
+easy book; but if I come to a hard word, I cry
+'Wheelbarrows,' and skip him." On his own topics
+he was very sensible, and no owner could have found
+fault with him had he not been just a little racketty
+on shore. In my refined days I remember reading in
+one of Thackeray's books about a young lord who was
+much loved by one Henry Esmond: My friend Jack
+was very like that young man, and you could not get
+vexed with him,&mdash;or, at any rate, you could not keep
+vexed very long.</p>
+
+<p>We soon made friends in The Chequers, and before
+midnight we were confidential. On my expressing
+wonder at seeing a Barking lad among us, Jack
+winked with profound meaning, and said, "I ain't
+Barking at all, only for this trip. My gal's a Lowestoft
+gal, and she've come up here, so I'm ready for
+her Sunday out to-morrow. See?"</p>
+
+<p>Our second interview took place next day, and I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span>
+saw the sweetheart. She was an ordinary pretty
+servant-girl, such as most of the fishermen pick up
+when they marry out of their own class; but I could
+see that she was likely to make some difference in
+John's rather convivial habits. She spoke like an
+ignorant woman with strong natural sense, and when
+Jack proposed having some beer, she said, "Ay, so!
+That's the way you fare to go. I've seen them, as
+soon as ever they leaves the pay-office, turning into
+the public-house. And a master lot o' good that do,
+doan't it now? Men workin' like beasts for two
+months, and then dropping all their money into the
+till in a week, and then off to sea short of clothes,
+besides very likely getting into trouble. Nay! Have
+yow a glass of ale if yow care, but no good never
+come on it, what I know. Leastways, not for men
+that goes to the sea."</p>
+
+<p>So Jack and I deferred to Sally's opinion&mdash;until
+nine o'clock in the evening, and then we made up for
+lost time. It was amusing to see the cool way in which
+the handsome lad parted from his sweetheart. They
+had not met for two months, and yet I do not believe
+that they exchanged kisses either at meeting or parting.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>These folk are strangely undemonstrative. They
+are fond of each other, and most faithful, but they
+show nothing. On a grim morning after a gale, when
+the vessels are towing up with flags half-mast high,
+the women will gather on the tow-path and by the
+quays; you see white, drawn faces, but rarely a tear.
+The bleak, perilous life of the men seems to be
+known intimately to the women, and they accept the
+worst fortune with a dry pathos that is heartbreaking.
+Jack and his sweetheart were in the flush of youth&mdash;nay,
+of physical beauty; they were passionately fond
+of each other; and they parted like casual strangers.
+When Jack went again below to the filthy, frowsy
+cabin of the smack, and thought over the months of
+cold, toil, drenching weather, and hard fare, I have no
+doubt but that he thought of the pretty girl, but he
+said very little, and larked on as usual as soon as
+he got over his parting carouse.</p>
+
+<p>For several trips after this, my handsome fellow
+was wild and careless; his splendid constitution
+enabled him to drink with impunity the abominable
+stuff sold by the Copers, and he was merely merry
+when older soakers were delirious. His father and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span>
+he parted, and the old man stayed at home as ship's
+husband to a firm of smack owners, and the lad had
+his head free. He was as desperately brave as ever,
+for the subtle poison was long in attacking his nerve;
+but many of his ways were queer, and the men
+who went home in the returning smacks carried
+unpleasant reports about him. At times, like Robert
+Burns, George Morland, and men of that kidney, he
+would give way to a passionate burst of repentance;
+but in his case the repentance always departed with
+the return of health and buoyancy.</p>
+
+<p>One night he stayed on board a coper until a
+breeze came away; he then insisted on straddling
+across the bow of the boat on the return journey, and
+he lost his grip for once in his life and went overboard.
+A dip of that sort, with heavy sea-boots on,
+is rather dangerous, and Master Jack felt as though
+all the water in the North Sea was dragging at his
+legs; but he was hauled in at last. Even that
+experience only cured him for a week, and then his
+resorts to the brandy-bottle began again.</p>
+
+<p>At last, when he was putting fish aboard the
+carrier, a letter was handed to him; he looked at it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span>
+with rough tenderness, and crammed it, all greasy
+and gruesome, under his jumper. On getting aboard,
+he went to a quiet corner where the men could not
+tease, and he read,</p>
+
+<p>"Dear John,&mdash;I write these few lines hoping you
+are quite well as this leaves me at present, but i don't
+think as you can be well if all is trew as we hear you
+are very wild and you ont have no money to come
+home if you doant watshe it. You must either stop
+the beer or stop goin with me and then my heart
+would be broak, every girl I see which married a
+drinking man has supped sorrow for sertain, and the
+man the same, and you will be just the same. Pray,
+my dear, do take the right tirning, or I must keap
+my word. So no more at present from your loveing
+<span class="smcap">Sarah Kerrison</span>."</p>
+
+<p>Jack cursed once, and then muttered "Werra well,
+let her. Let her go and take on some one better;"
+but he was amazingly unhappy despite his defiance,
+and his unhappiness drove him to frantic excesses.
+He used to scare his companions by saying, "If God
+takes my girl, they can talk about Him as they like,
+but He shan't take my soul, not if I damn for it."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span>
+Then when the shuddering men said, "For mercy's
+sake, shut up. It's enough to sink the wessel," he
+would make answer, "Werra good, let her sink; and
+the sooner the better."</p>
+
+<p>The days wore away, and the time came for Jack
+to run home. The smack was well clear of the fleets
+and spinning along nicely to southward on a dark
+night, and Jack was at the wheel. His nerve was
+just a little touched, and he muttered, "This is a
+devil of a night. I wish we were well home."</p>
+
+<p>It was indeed a weird night; the wind thrummed
+on the cordage; the gaff whistled with tremulous
+sounds, as though some frightened soul were shivering
+at the mast-head; and when the inky waves
+rolled out of the gloom, they showed no definite
+shape&mdash;only a sliding dark cloud fringed with white
+flame. There is always a steady roar from the sails,
+and one hears it better at night; Jack had often
+heard the roar rise to a howl, but no noise that ever
+he knew had such effect on him as the rushing moan
+from the sails that night.</p>
+
+<p>There are only two men in a watch on board a
+smack, and it often happens that one will go below to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span>
+fetch some of the tea which the seamen drink so
+insatiably. Jack's mate was below, but the helmsman
+had no fear, as all was clear. He mused on,
+always peering sharply round for a few minutes when
+suddenly, over the haze which was rising, he saw a
+white light, and then the loom of a green. "All
+right; well clear," he muttered. "Glad the fog's
+no higher. Why doesn't he use his whistle?"
+Then, with the suddenness of lightning, he found
+the red light opened on him, and, with a chill at his
+heart, he discovered that he could not get his own
+vessel out of the road. Once he sang out, and then
+came the looming of a black mountain over him.
+Until the monster's stem took him on the quarter
+and the smack hurled over&mdash;hustled into the sea by
+the impetus of the steamer&mdash;Jack never left go of his
+wheel; he had a few seconds, and, with his nimble
+spring, he rushed to the mizen rigging, nicked the
+strings of one lifebuoy; lifted another from forward
+of the companion, and then made his rush for the
+forehatch.</p>
+
+<p>"All out. No time for the boats!"</p>
+
+<p>One man sprang up panting and Jack said, "Here<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span>
+you are, Harry. Shove that on, and jump. Jump
+to windward." The smack reared up; there was a
+long crashing rush of the swift water; then Jack saw
+the liquid darkness over him, and he was just
+beginning to hear that awful buzzing in the ears
+when, with a roar, he felt the upper air swoop round
+him.</p>
+
+<p>He could just see a coil of foam on the blackness
+to mark where the smack had gone down, and, as he
+cleared his eyes, he saw the cloudy shape of the
+steamer far away. "Harry, boy!" he sang out, but
+Harry must have been hit by a spar, and Jack Brown
+was left alone on that bleak, black waste of wandering
+water.</p>
+
+<p>"A lingering death," he murmured, as he felt the
+spray cut round his head; but he struggled resolutely
+to keep his face front the set of the sea, and the buoy
+supported him bravely. His thoughts ran on things
+past; he had spoken unkindly of Sally, behind her
+back; he had been tipsy&mdash;Ah! how often! Then
+he thought, "Shall I pray and repent?" All the
+dare-devil in the deluded lad's soul arose at this
+question, and he snarled "No. Blowed if I snivel<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span>
+just yet, only because I'm in a bad way." Oh, Jack,
+Jack! And the deep grave weltering below you, and
+only a ring of cork and oilskin to keep you out of that
+cold home. Was there never a shudder as you
+thought of the crowding fishes? Their merciless
+cold eyes! Their grey, slimy skin! But Jack was
+at that day a reckless fellow, and he lived to be
+passionately sorry for his splenetic madness.</p>
+
+<p>The cold grew worse and worse, and it seemed to
+creep toward Jack's heart. He gave one cry, and
+instantly he heard a faint answer. Could it be the
+scream of a gull? Nay, they rest at night. He
+called again, and the voice of his agony was answered
+by a loud hail; then a flare was lit, and Jack knew
+that the steamer's boat had been searching for him.</p>
+
+<p>"Easy. Shove the painter under his arms, and
+then two of you haul."</p>
+
+<p>So Jack was plumped into the boat, and lay limp
+and sick. In an hour he was warm asleep in his
+berth on board the steamer, and, I am afraid to say
+that he begged hard for a pipe before he dozed
+over.</p>
+
+<p>The steamer took him home, and he was received<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span>
+in a matter-of-fact way by his people. He had had a
+dousing! Yes, but it was all in the day's work.
+That is the way in which the good folk talk.</p>
+
+<p>Jack was never the same again, and some of the
+old men said "he looked as if he had seen something."
+Yes, he had seen something, and he said to
+Sally, "All right about that letter of yours. Let it
+stick to the wall." The man was very grave and
+kind, and he spoke freely to those of his cronies who
+were on shore; but he would not go near his old
+haunts, and some people thought he must have got
+religious. Perhaps he had. At any rate something
+that happened not long afterwards made the supposition
+probable. Jack was on the Ter Schelling bank
+when his turn came to go home again, and he was
+moodily wondering whether any such ordeal would
+ever be put on him as that which he endured when
+the steamer sank his vessel.</p>
+
+<p>The weather looked ugly; the glass went fast
+down, and a wild and leprous-looking moon shone
+lividly through a shifting mask of troubled clouds. A
+sullen calm fell, and the smack rolled with clashing
+blocks and groaning spars, making night hideous. In<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span>
+the morning a gale broke and soon came a blinding
+fall of snow. It was impossible to see many yards
+through the rushing drift of murky yellow, but Jack
+took in all four reefs, and ran on with a rag of sail
+and a three-cloth jib.</p>
+
+<p>It was not a sea that came away; it was a mere
+enormous cataract that poured on irresistibly. Jack
+knew that so long as he could keep the boat moving,
+he might escape having his decks stove in, so he
+determined to try it&mdash;neck or nothing. No man on
+board knew when the sea might come which would
+heave her down, and they watched grimly as the
+gallant craft tore on. Some wanted to heave-to, but
+the skipper knew that he would stand a good chance
+of being smothered that way, and he resolved to get
+as near home as possible, in case the hurricane grew
+worse. After boring for ten hours in the worst of the
+tremendous sea, he saw a vessel to leeward of him,
+flying signals of distress. She was sinking, and her
+boat was smashed. The mate said, "That poor chap
+on't see land." Jack thought a little, and then he
+said, "I'm going to try. Out with your boat." Discipline
+on board the smacks is not very strict, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span>
+the men were inclined to question the wisdom of
+Jack's proposal; but Englishmen always lean to
+humanity, and with a little persuasion, all hands
+volunteered. Jack took one unmarried man, and
+then coolly proceeded to make his wild attempt. It
+was a forlorn kind of chance for everybody, but as
+Jack said, "I was saved once, and I know what them
+poor bloods feel like."</p>
+
+<p>The little boat had first of all to run down on the
+sinking smack, and then, at the risk of capsizing,
+Jack's vessel ran to leeward and came round, sending
+everything shaking as she came up. Only desperately
+brave and supremely kindly people would have dared
+such a thing, and even the skipper of the foundering
+vessel said, "Well, chaps, I thought no one but a
+mad one would a-tried it on; but Gord bless you all
+the same."</p>
+
+<p>After that, Jack was obliged to let go his anchor
+within sound of breakers, and his fight with death
+lasted all night. The lifeboats could not get out to
+him, and he could only pray that the snow-curtain
+might lift. In the morning a slant of wind came
+which enabled him to get away from the gnashing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span>
+breakers, and he got in with the loss of his gaff.
+Sally was home for Christmas-time, and she was
+mighty proud when no less a person than the Mayor
+presented Jack with a town's subscription, which was
+quite enough to fit up a house.</p>
+
+<p>Jack is my favourite of all the loose fish I have
+known, and if ever I take up my place again&mdash;alas!&mdash;I
+shall have him with me, and make him live
+ashore.</p>
+
+<p class="center" style="margin-top: 4em;"><span class="smcap">Swift</span> &amp; Co., Printers, 2, Newton Street, High Holborn, W.C.</p>
+
+<hr />
+<h3>Transcriber's note</h3>
+
+<p>The following corrections were made to the text:</p>
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+<tr><td align='left'>Page</td><td align='left'>Problem</td><td align='left'>Correction</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>14</td><td align='left'>found &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; the</td><td align='left'>found that the</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>16</td><td align='left'>the nthe</td><td align='left'>then the</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>21</td><td align='left'>had manage</td><td align='left'>had managed</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>74</td><td align='left'>How is this?</td><td align='left'>"How is this?</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>79</td><td align='left'>laulo Rye.</td><td align='left'>laulo Rye."</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>79</td><td align='left'>Rye.</td><td align='left'>Rye.)</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>95</td><td align='left'>We must have</td><td align='left'>"We must have</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>95</td><td align='left'>enagagement</td><td align='left'>engagement</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>125</td><td align='left'>No one better</td><td align='left'>"No one better</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>129</td><td align='left'>you are touched</td><td align='left'>you are touched.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>130</td><td align='left'>convervation</td><td align='left'>conversation</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>137</td><td align='left'>fraced</td><td align='left'>traced</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>141</td><td align='left'>youself</td><td align='left'>yourself</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>143</td><td align='left'>six at night</td><td align='left'>six at night.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>143</td><td align='left'>all the day</td><td align='left'>all the day.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>162</td><td align='left'>Ned Donnelly's?</td><td align='left'>Ned Donnelly's.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>200</td><td align='left'>ower</td><td align='left'>power</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>201</td><td align='left'>Do you want</td><td align='left'>"Do you want</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+<p>The following variations in hyphenations have been left unchanged.</p>
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+<tr><td align='left'>arm-pits</td><td align='left'>armpits</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>mast-head</td><td align='left'>masthead</td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+<hr />
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Chequers, by James Runciman
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Chequers, by James Runciman
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Chequers
+       Being the Natural History of a Public-House, Set Forth in
+       a Loafer's Diary
+
+Author: James Runciman
+
+Release Date: June 5, 2006 [EBook #18510]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CHEQUERS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Steven Gibbs, LN Yaddanapudi and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE CHEQUERS:
+BEING THE
+
+Natural History of a Public-house,
+
+SET FORTH IN
+
+_A LOAFER'S DIARY_.
+
+
+EDITED BY
+
+JAMES RUNCIMAN,
+AUTHOR OF "SKIPPERS AND SHELLBACKS," ETC.
+
+
+London:
+WARD AND DOWNEY,
+12, YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN, W.C.
+
+
+[ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.]
+
+
+
+
+Dedication.
+
+
+TO
+PHILIP WOOD AND JOHN WOOD,
+OF
+SOUTH SHIELDS.
+
+GENTLEMEN,--This record of ruined lives is inscribed to you, for it is
+mainly owing to you that I have gained such gruesome experience. From
+the day when, as a boy of seventeen, I formed my connection with your
+honourable house, I have owed my professional success to your culture,
+your generosity, and your admirable relations with the police force. My
+Sovereign and many other people have been pleased to approve my strange
+labours; but my chief distinction in life arises from my being your
+relative. With feelings which I cannot describe,
+
+I remain,
+
+Your obliged and grateful,
+
+JAMES RUNCIMAN.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS.
+
+                                      PAGE
+INTRODUCTION                          1
+THE WANDERER                          6
+THE PINK TOM CAT                      23
+TEDDY                                 46
+THE WANDERER AGAIN                    64
+THE ROBBERY                           77
+ONE OF OUR ENTERTAINMENTS             92
+MERRY JERRY AND HIS FRIENDS           108
+THE GENTLEMAN, THE DOCTOR, AND DICKY  123
+POACHERS AND NIGHTBIRDS               140
+JIM BILLINGS                          155
+OUR PARLOUR COMPANY                   175
+A QUEER CHRISTMAS                     192
+JACK BROWN                            215
+
+
+
+
+THE CHEQUERS.
+
+INTRODUCTION.
+
+
+It is risky to go home with some of the company from the Chequers, for
+good-fellowship is by no means fostered in the atmosphere of a
+public-house. The creatures who write about the cheerful glass, and the
+jovial evening, and the drink that mellows the heart, know nothing of
+the sad work that goes on in a boozing-place, while the persons who draw
+wild pictures of impossible horrors are worse than the hired men who
+write in publican's papers. It is the plain truth that is wanted, and
+one year of life in a public-house teaches a man more than all the
+strained lectures and colourless statistics. I am going to give a series
+of pictures that will set forth every phase of public-house life. It is
+useless to step casually into a bar, and then turn out a flashy
+article. If you want to know how Drink really acts on the inner life of
+this nation you must actually live among the forlorn folk who drink
+Circe's draught, and you must live as their equal, their friend, their
+confidant. I am a Loafer, and not one of the gang at The Chequers would
+ever dream of regarding me as anything but an equal. My friend Donkey
+Perkins, the fighting man, curses me with perfect affability and I am on
+easy terms with about one hundred costermongers. If a "gentleman" went
+among them he could learn nothing. Observe the hush that falls on the
+babble of a tap-room if any well-dressed person goes in; listen to the
+hum of warning, and then notice the laboured hypocrisy of the talk that
+goes on so long as the stranger is there. I have seen that odd change
+scores of times, and I know that nothing can be more curious than the
+contrast between the scrappy, harmless chat that goes on while the
+representative of respectability is there, and the stupid, frank
+brutalities which the advent of the visitor silenced.
+
+At nights I go home with one after another of my set, and at merry
+seasons we stay together till early morning. They throw off all disguise
+before me, and even the thieves are not afraid. When once you are on
+level terms with the community you begin to see what is the true result
+of drink. The clergyman, the district visitor, the professional
+slummer--all the people who "patronise"--never learn the truth, and they
+positively invite the wastrel classes to lie.
+
+Some time ago I read some "revelations" which made a great stir in the
+country. The writer was accused of publishing obscenities, but what
+struck me most in his work was its absolute display of ignorance. The
+poor, innocent man had listened to stories which were told in the
+dialect that is used to impress outsiders, and I laughed as I seemed to
+hear the very tones of some shady gentry of my own acquaintance. The
+unhappy vendor of revelations went among his subjects of study for six
+weeks, and then set up as an authority. Of course, the acute, sleazy
+dogs whom he questioned kept back everything that was essential, and
+filled their victim's mind with concoctions which amused professional
+blackguards for a month. Could that literary adventurer only have heard
+the criticism which daily met my ear, he would have found that many
+eager souls were longing for a chance to plunder such an obvious "mug."
+Another writer, whose works appear in a morning journal, professes to
+make flying visits to various queer places, and his articles are
+published as facts; but I had the chance of testing the truth of two
+tales which dealt with official business, and I found that these two
+were false from end to end. Not only were they false, but they
+illustrate nothing, for the writer did not know the conditions of the
+life which he pretended to describe, and his fiction misled many
+thousands. Experience, then--sordid, miserable, long experience--is
+needed before anyone can speak the truth concerning the life of what
+Carlyle called "the scoundrel classes." The same experience only can
+teach you anything about the poor. The scoundrels do not actually
+confide in anybody, and I never yet knew one of them who would not turn
+on a confederate; but they exhibit themselves freely before people to
+whom they have become used. It unfortunately happens that the
+scoundrels and the dissolute poor are much thrown together. A man may
+be a hopeless drunkard without being a rascal, but the rascals and the
+boozers are generally taken in the lump by persons of a descriptive turn
+of mind. That is faulty natural history. The chances are always ten to
+one in favour of the boozer's becoming a criminal; but we must
+distinguish between those who have taken the last bad step and those who
+are merely qualifying. And now for our history.
+
+
+
+
+THE WANDERER.
+
+
+The bar was very much crowded last night, and the air was impregnated to
+choking point with smoke and evil exhalations. The noisy times on
+Saturdays come at 2 p.m., and from ten till closing time. In the
+afternoon a few labourers fuddle themselves before they go home to
+dinner, and there is a good deal of slavering incoherence to be heard.
+From seven to eight in the evening the men drop in, and a vague murmur
+begins; the murmur grows louder and more confused as time passes, and by
+ten o'clock our company are in full cry, and all the pipes are in full
+blast. When I stole quietly in, I thought the scene was hideous enough
+in its dull way. The gas flared with drowsy refulgence through the reek,
+and the low masks of the roaring crew somehow left on me an impression
+that I was gazing on _one_ bestial, distorted face. A man who is a
+racecourse thief and "ramper" hailed me affably. A beast of prey he is,
+if ever there was one. His hatchet face with its piggish eyes, his thin,
+cruel lips, his square jaw, are all murderous, and, indeed, I cannot
+help thinking that he will commit a murder some day. When he is in his
+affable mood he is very loathsome, but I cannot afford to loathe anyone,
+and we smile and smile, though we dislike each other, and though the
+Ramper hardly knows what to make of me. When I first made his
+acquaintance we were on our way to a race meeting, and he proposed to
+give me his company. Like all of his class, he knew many "certainties,"
+and he offered, with engaging frankness, to put me in the way of
+"gittin' a bit." The racing blackguard never talks of money; indeed, his
+obliquity of mind prevents him from calling anything by its right name.
+For him the world is divided between those who "have got it"--_it_ being
+money--and those who mean to "get a bit" by any means, fair or foul. On
+that day, long ago, this creature fancied that I had some money, and he
+was determined, to rob me somehow. I let him imagine that he was
+leading me on, for there is no luxury that I enjoy more than watching a
+low, cunning rogue when he thinks he is arranging a successful swindle.
+I was introduced to a thoroughly safe man. The safe man's face was
+almost as villanous as that of my mentor, and his manners were, perhaps,
+a little more offensive. Our first bet closed all transactions between
+us; as I fully expected, I obtained a ridiculously liberal price, and I
+_won_. On my proposing a settlement, the capitalist glared virtuously
+and yelled with passion--which was also what I expected. Then came my
+mentor, and softly remarked, "Don't go and queer his pitch. Here's a lot
+on 'em a-comin', and they'll be all over you if you say a word. Wait
+till he gits a bit and he'll pay." This was also what I expected. We
+happened to be in an enclosed ground, so I managed to keep my eye on the
+capitalist, and the unhappy being vainly strove to dodge away. Catching
+him in the act of sneaking through the turnstile, I touched him gently,
+and then beckoned to a policeman. No welsher can hope for admission to
+one of the enclosed courses after he is once fairly caught, and my
+victim whimpered, "Come in yere and 'ave a drink." Then he said, "Look
+yere, I ain't got a bloomin' 'alf dollar but what I 'ad off o' you. I
+walked down this mornin', and hadn't only the gate-money, and your pal
+laid me on to you. Say nothin' this time. I ain't had no grub to-day.
+Give us a chance. 'Twas your pal as put me on, mind. Brandy cold, if you
+don't mind."
+
+The ineffable impudence of the capitalist's request made it hard for me
+to keep from laughing; I let him go, and I fear that he and the Ramper
+made further attempts on the idiots who throng the Silver Ring.
+
+That same evening Mr. Ramper made his last effort to practise on me. We
+were straddling among a sporting group in The Chequers bar, when he
+said, "Better settle over Dexter." "Dexter? What about Dexter?" "Didn't
+you take Dexter agin' Folly?" "Not such a mug." Then the hound raised
+his voice in the fashion of his tribe. "You goin' to welsh me, are you?
+You don't mean to pay that ten bob? I'll 'ave it out of your bloomin'
+liver!" All this was uttered in a yell which was intended to draw
+attention, and the creak of the brute's voice made me inclined to dash
+my fist in his vile face. But I only grinned and said "What a poor liar
+you are."
+
+The more the Ramper screeched, the more I laughed; he durst not strike,
+and at last, when I reminded him that he had already divided a little
+plunder with the capitalist, he grumbled a curse or two and lapsed into
+affability. You cannot shame one of these beings, and the Ramper is now
+on the most confidential terms with me. I am very glad we did not fight,
+because he introduced me to one of the most interesting and estimable of
+all my acquaintances. Said the Ramper, blowing his sickly breath into my
+very ear, "There's a bloke yere as knows suthin' good for Lincoln. Up in
+the corner there. Let's sit down." Within a minute I found myself
+talking to a queer, battered man, who bent moodily over his glass of
+gin and stole furtive glances at me with bleared, sullen eyes. His blood
+was charged with bile, and he could not prevent the sudden muscular
+twitchings of his hands. His knuckles were swollen, and his fingers were
+twisted slightly. Evidently he was diseased to the very bone through
+alcoholic excesses. He was dressed in a shiny overcoat, and his bony
+shanks threatened to pierce his trousers. When he pushed back his rakish
+greasy hat, he showed a remarkably fine forehead--well filled, strong,
+square--but he had the weakest and most sensual mouth I ever saw. There
+was scarcely a sign of a lower jaw, and the chin retreated sharply from
+the lip to the emaciated neck.
+
+My man spoke with a deep voice that contrasted oddly with his air of
+debility, and I noticed that he not only had a good accent, but his
+words were uttered with a deliberate attempt at formal and polished
+elocution. We talked of horse-racing, and he mouthed out one speech
+after another with a balanced kind of see-saw, which again and again ran
+into blank verse. I said, "You have something good for Lincoln, I hear.
+Any chance of being on?" He replied, "I heed no fairy tales or boasting
+yarns. When a man says he has a certainty, I tell him to his face that
+he's a liar. The ways of chance are far beyond our ken, and I can but
+say that I try. Information I have. From Newmarket I receive daily
+messages, and I have as much chance of being right as other men have;
+but you know what the Bard says. Ah! what a student of human nature
+that man was! What an intellect! In apprehension how like a god! You
+know what he says of prophecy and chance? I only fire a bolt at a
+venture, and if my venture don't come off, then I say, 'Pay up and look
+pleasant.'"
+
+The majestic roll of his speech was very funny, and he poured forth his
+resonant periods as though I had been standing at a distance of twenty
+yards. As the gin stirred his sluggish blood he became more and more
+declamatory, and when at last he fairly yelled, "I am a gambler. I could
+not brook life if I had no excitement. It is my very blood. Yet, think
+not my words are false as dicers' oaths," and waved his right hand with
+a lordly gesture, I thought, "An old actor, for certain." So long as his
+senses remained he talked shrewdly about betting, and his remarks were
+free from the mingled superstition and rascality which make ordinary
+racing talk so odious; but when he began to drink rapidly he soon became
+violent, and finished by carrying on like a madman. He shouted passages
+from "Hamlet" and "Coriolanus" with ear-splitting fervour, and at last
+he drew a universal protest from the rest of our crew, who are
+certainly not sensitive. Then his yell grew maudlin. "Why did God make
+me thus? Why do I grunt and sweat under the burden of a weary life? Give
+me, ah, give me the days that are gone!" Then he fell alongside of the
+bench, and presently his long, gurgling snore sounded fitfully. "Let him
+sweat there till closing time; he'll be quiet enough," said Mr.
+Landlord; and sure enough the orator lay until the hour had struck. He
+shivered when he rose, and his knees were like to fail him. "Heavens!
+what a mouth I've got!" he moaned, and I could see that the deadly,
+bitter fur had already covered his palate. "Take a flask home, Billy,
+and pull yourself together when you turn in." Billy grabbed fiercely at
+the air. "These infernal flies have started early." The specks were
+dancing before his eyes, and I fancy he had an ugly night before him;
+but I didn't see him home.
+
+THURSDAY.--I have found out a good deal about my stagy friend, and we
+are quite confidential, especially late at night. He weeps plenteously
+and recalls his own sins, but I think he is fairly truthful. A moving,
+sordid history is his. Moralising is waste of time, but one might
+almost moralise to the extent of boredom concerning the life of Billy
+Devine, boozer, actor, betting-man.
+
+Devine's peculiarly grandiose mode of telling his story was rather
+effective at first hearing, but it would read like a burlesque, so I
+translate his narrative into my own dialect. He was a quick, clever lad,
+and the culture bestowed in a genteel academy was too narrow for him. He
+read a great deal of romance, and still more poetry. He neglected his
+school lessons, and he was dismissed after a few years as an incurable
+scamp.
+
+No sort of steady work suited Devine; his fatal lack of will was
+supplemented by an eager vanity, and he was only happy when he was
+attracting notice. Now that he is matured, he is gratified if he can
+make drunken costermongers stare, so he must have been a very forward
+creature when his conceit was in full blossom. He began by spouting
+little recitations, and gradually practised until he could take his part
+in amateur stage performances. As he put it, "I found that the majesty
+of Coriolanus and the humour of Paul Pry were alike within my compass,
+and I impartially included both these celebrated parts in my
+_repertoire_." Nothing ever diverts a stage-struck youth from his fell
+purpose unless he is absolutely pelted off the boards. Devine loathed
+his office; he hated the sight of a business letter, and he finally
+appeared in a wretched provincial booth, where he earned seven shillings
+per week in good times: the restraints of respectability were to hamper
+him no more. Through all his miserable wanderings I tracked him, for he
+kept playbills, and each bill suggested some quaint or sordid memory. I
+felt something like a lump in my throat when he said, "Now, dear friend,
+at this place I played once the 'The Stranger' and 'The Idiot Witness,'
+and for two days my comrade and I had nothing to eat. On one eventful
+night we saw some refuse fish being wheeled off in a barrow, and we
+begged leave to abstract a fish, which was--I say it without fear of
+contradiction--the knobbiest and scaliest member of the finny tribe.
+Sir, we tried to skin this animal and failed. Then we scraped him, and
+the moving question arose, What about fire? Luckily the landlady had
+left a lamp on the stairs. My inventive faculties were bestirred. The
+LAMP! No sooner said than the fish was placed on the fire-shovel, and we
+then took turns to move the shovel backwards and forwards over the lamp.
+Regardless of that woman's loud inquiries about the smell, which was in
+truth, sir, very overpowering, we pursued our joint labours until two in
+the morning, and then the brute was only _half_ raw. One penknife was
+our sole cutlery; but we managed to cut through the skin, and we
+devoured the oily stuff like famished hounds, sir. We were ashamed; but,
+as the poet truly observes, 'Necessity knows no law,' and we endured the
+scurrilous language of the woman when, on the morrow, she found the
+bottom of the shovel encrusted with dirt and the top thickly coated with
+grease. That fish saved us, sir."
+
+Little by little Devine worked his way towards London, and at length he
+appeared in a West-end theatre. His reminiscences of the stars are
+impressive, but we need not deal with them; it is enough to say that he
+was successful--and in light comedy no less. About this time he began to
+have his photograph taken very frequently, and the portraits made me
+feel sad. This dull, sodden man was once a handsome fellow, alert, well
+poised, brave and cheerful. The profile which I saw in the photographs
+somehow made me think of an arrow-head on the upward flight; that, lower
+jaw, which is now so flabby and slobbery was once well rounded, and the
+weakness was not unpleasantly evident. I often wonder that human vanity
+has not done away with alcoholism. Men are vain animals, yet a
+good-looking fellow, who could never pass a mirror without stealing a
+quiet look, will cheerfully go on drugging himself until every feature
+is transformed. I have seen the process of facial degradation carried
+through in so many cases that I can tell within a little how long a man
+has been a drinker, and that with no other guide than the standard of
+graduated depravity which is in my mind, and which I instinctively
+consult. Devine must have been attractive to women, for they certainly
+did their best to spoil him, if one may judge by the collection of faded
+notes which he retains. He met his fate at last. A pretty, sentimental
+girl fell in love with him, and pressed him to make an appointment with
+her, so the dashing young actor arranged to meet the love-stricken
+damsel at Hampton Court. The flowers of the chestnuts were splendid,
+and the spirit of May was in the air. "I seem to see the same sunshine
+and the same flowers very often, even when I'm too jumpy to know what is
+going on all round," said the poor, battered man. The girl sobbed and
+trembled. "I couldn't help it; I had to meet you, and, Oh, if father
+knew, I believe he'd beat me." Devine found out that the lady was the
+daughter of a very rich tradesman, and he was not by any means
+displeased, for romantic actors have just as keen an eye to business as
+other folk. Before the pleasant afternoon closed, he had gained
+permission to call the truant Letty, and she primmed her rosy lips as he
+taught her to say Will. Decidedly Mr. Devine was no laggard in love.
+
+Indiscreet little Letty found means to steal away from home time after
+time, and her stock of fibs must have been varied and extensive, for
+three months passed before the inevitable catastrophe came.
+
+"This is Aunt Lizer, is it?"
+
+Devine and Miss Letty were walking in a secluded corner of Wimbledon
+Common when a loud voice spoke thus. Letty screamed, and turned to face
+a stout, red-faced man who stood glaring ominously.
+
+Devine, after the approved stage fashion, said "May I ask the meaning of
+this intrusion?"
+
+"Meanin'! You talk about meanin' to John Billiter? See this stick? I'll
+meanin' you! This is my daughter, and I'll thank you to tell me who
+_you_ are." Need I say that Devine rose to the occasion? He recited to
+me a portion of the reply which he made to the aggrieved parent, and I
+can fully believe that that worthy man was surprised. "The Rivals," "The
+Hunchback," "Romeo and Juliet," and other dramatic works were ransacked
+for phrases, and the stately periods flowed on until Mr. Billiter
+gasped, "Damn it, gal!--do you mean to say you've deceived your father
+so you might git out along of a blanked lunatic?" This was too much.
+Devine observed with majesty, "Sir, I can pardon much to the father of
+the lady whom I love; but there are limits, sir. Beware!"
+
+"You come along to the trap, you hussy; and as for you mister, let me
+ketch you anywhere near our place and I'll turn the yard dog out on
+you!"
+
+Poor Letty was severely shut up at home. Her father questioned her much,
+and when he heard at length that the flashy young man was an actor, he
+gave one choking yell, and sat down in limp fashion. All the rest of the
+day he muttered at intervals, "A hactor!" and pressed his hand to his
+forehead with many groans. At night he went into Letty's room, and as he
+gazed on the girl's worn face he said, "A hactor! The Billiters is done
+for. Their goose is cooked!"
+
+Devine fairly luxuriated in his desolation. I could tell from his mode
+of dwelling on his woes that he had keenly enjoyed playing the forlorn
+lover. As he told me of those sleepless nights spent long ago, and
+rolled out his sonorous record of suffering, his watering eye gleamed
+with pleasure, and I can well imagine how sorely he bored his friends
+when he was young and his grief was at its most enjoyable height. But he
+was no milksop, and he resolved that Mr. Billiter should not baulk him.
+Where is the actor who does not delight in stratagems and mysteries?
+Bless their honest hearts, they could not endure life without an
+occasional plot or mystification! Two months after Letty's
+incarceration, a decently-dressed man called at Mr. Billiter's with a
+parcel. The visitor was clad in tweed; his smart whiskers were
+dexterously trained and he looked like a natty draper's assistant.
+"These things were ordered by post, and I wish Miss Billiter to select
+her own patterns."
+
+"Miss Billiter's with her aunt, and she don't see anyone at present."
+
+"Then kindly hand in the parcel, and I will call in an hour."
+
+That night Letty was restless. The sly little thing had managed to
+deceive her aunt; but the problem of how to elude father was
+troublesome.
+
+William had an American engagement; he would have a fast horse ready
+next evening at eight; Mr. Billiter would be summoned by a telegram;
+then train to Southampton--licence--the mail to New York, and bliss for
+ever! Letty must rush out like a truant schoolgirl--never mind about hat
+or cloak; the escape _must_ be made, and then let those catch who can.
+
+This was Devine's plan, and he carried it out with perfect nerve. A
+fortnight afterwards the mail steamer was surging along in
+mid-Atlantic, and the plucky actor was passing happy, idle days with his
+wife.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Billy had the nerve of a man once, but he utters a kind of strangled
+shriek now if a dog barks close to him, and he cannot lift his glass in
+the mornings--he stoops to the counter and sucks his first mouthfuls
+like a horse drinking, or he passes his handkerchief round his neck, and
+draws his liquor gently up with the handkerchief to steady him. A long
+way has Billy travelled since he was a merry young player. I shall say
+more about him presently.
+
+
+
+
+THE PINK TOM CAT.
+
+
+My friend the publisher calls the Loafer's narratives "thrilling," but
+I, as editor of the Diaries, would prefer another adjective. The Loafer
+was a man who only cared for gloom and squalor after he had given up the
+world of gaiety and refinement. Men of his stamp, when they receive a
+crushing mental blow, always shrink away like wounded animals and
+forsake their companions. A very distinguished man, who is now living,
+disappeared for fifteen years, and chose on his return to be regarded as
+an utter stranger. His former self had died, and he was strengthened and
+embittered by suffering. The Loafer was of that breed.
+
+Two locked volumes of the Loafer's Diary were delivered to me, and I
+found that the man had once been joyous to the last degree, ambitious,
+successful, and full of generous thoughts and fine aspirations. Some of
+his songs breathe the very spirit of delight, and he wrote his glad
+thoughts at night when he could not sleep for the keen pleasure of
+living. Then comes a sudden cloud, and from that time onward the Diary
+is bitter, brutal, and baldly descriptive of life's abominations. It
+would not become me to speak with certainty, but I fancy that a woman
+had something to do with the Loafer's wild and reckless change. He is
+reticent, but his poems all point in one direction. Here is a grave note
+of passion:--
+
+    The sombre heather framed you round,
+      The starlight touched your pallid face,
+    You moved across the silvered ground--
+      The night was happy with your grace.
+
+    The air was steeped in silver fire,
+      The gorse was touched with silvern sheen;
+    The nightingales--the holy choir--
+      Sang bridal songs for you, my queen.
+
+    But songs and starfire, pomp of night,
+      Murmur of trees and Ocean's roll,
+    Were poor beside the blind delight--
+      The Love that quivered in my soul.
+
+Further on there is a single brief verse like a cry of rage and
+despair:--
+
+    And is it then the End of all?
+      O, Father! What a doom is mine--
+    An unreturning prodigal,
+      Who feeds on husks and herds with swine!
+
+After many ravings the torn soul seems to grow calm, and we have this
+pensive and tender fragment of music:--
+
+    The dreams that fill the thoughtful night,
+      All holy dreams are in the sky,
+    They stoop to me with viewless flight,
+      And bid me wave my care good-bye.
+
+    Spread your dim wings, O sacred friends,
+      Fleet softly to your starry place;
+    I'll meet you as my journey ends,
+      When I shall crave our Master's grace.
+
+    Till I may join your shadowy band
+      I'll think of things that are to be--
+    The far-off joy, the Unseen Land,
+      The Lover I shall never see.
+
+After this our man plunges into the slums, and we have no more poetry.
+One who loved him asked me to go through his journals, and nearly all I
+know of him is derived from them. By chance I have heard that he was
+passionately fond of children, but avoided women. One who knew him said
+that he was witty, and often strung off epigrams by the hour together,
+but he was always subject to fits of blind frenzy, during which his wit
+and his genuine sagacity left him. No one followed him to his grave; but
+he was visited in hospital by a tall, fair lady, who gazed on him with
+stern composure. He sneered even while dying. "I'm a pretty object, am I
+not? I was going to shake the world. Will you kiss me once?"
+
+The tall lady stooped and kissed him; he gasped, "Thank you. It was more
+than I deserved. And now for the Dark."
+
+The lady sighed a little and went away, and I think that a bunch of
+heather which lay on the coffin must have come from her. Anyway, that is
+all I know about the Loafer, and he may now tell his story of the Pink
+Tom Cat in his own way. You observe how drily circumstantial he is.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I shall not be able to go on with Billy Devine's story for some time. We
+have had an ugly business here, and it is now two months since I wrote a
+line. It was only by making special inquiry that I found how time had
+gone, for I have been living in a nightmare.
+
+One fine morning I put on smart flannels and went for a scull on the
+river. If ever you drink too much it is best to force yourself into
+violent exercise at any cost, and for that reason I determined to row
+until the effects of a very bad night had worn off. Usually I keep
+myself clear of after consequences, but I had been with a keen set, and
+we did not go to bed at all. When we contrived to separate at 7 a.m.,
+some of my companions began on a fresh day's drinking, but I chose to
+take a rest.
+
+It was a lovely morning, and I felt like a bad sort of criminal amid the
+clear, splendid beauty. When the light wind struck across the surface of
+the river it seemed as if the water were pelted with falling jewels; the
+osiers bowed and sighed as the breeze ran along their tops; and, here
+and there, a spirt of shaken dewdrops described a flashing arc, and fell
+poppling into the stream. Ah! how solemnly glad and pure and radiant the
+great trees looked! The larks had gone wild with the joy of living, and
+their delicious rivalry, their ceaseless gurgle of liquid melody, seemed
+somehow to match the multitudinous glitter of the mighty clouds of
+foliage. For a man with pure palate and healthy eye the sights and
+sounds would have made a heaven; but my mouth was like a furnace, and
+my eye was fevered. Nevertheless, I managed to enjoy the sweet panorama
+more and more as my muscles grew tense, and I pulled on doggedly for
+full three hours, until I had not a dry stitch on me; then a funny
+little waterside inn drew my eye, and I went ashore. Bob Darbishire met
+me with a shout of welcome, and I wondered what brought him there. Bob
+did not often visit The Chequers, for he was a wealthy fellow, and he
+liked best to fool his time away in flash billiard-rooms; but he knew me
+well enough, and I was on as easy terms with him as with the costers and
+Rommany chals. I say _was_ when I speak of him. Ah me!
+
+Bob succeeded to a great deal of ready money and a good business when he
+was barely twenty-one, and he broke out into a rackety life at once, for
+he had been hard held in by his father and mother, and his mad
+activities craved for some vent. Had he been well guided he would have
+become a useful citizen, but he was driven with a cruel bit, and the
+reins were savagely jerked whenever he seemed restive. When he once was
+free, he set off at a wild rate down the steep that leads to perdition,
+and plenty of people cheered him as he flew on. It vexed me often to see
+a fine, generous lad surrounded by spongers who rooked him at every
+turn; but what could one do? The sponger has no mercy and no manliness;
+he is always a person with violent appetites, and he will procure
+excitement at the cost of his manliness and even of his honesty.
+Bob had an open hand, and thought nothing of paying for twenty
+brandies-and-sodas in the course of a morning. Twenty times eightpence
+does not seem much, but if you keep up that average daily for a year you
+have spent a fair income. No one ever tried to stay this prodigal with a
+word of advice; indeed, in such cases advice is always useless, for the
+very man whom you may seek to save is exceedingly likely to swear, or
+even to strike at you. He thinks you impugn his wisdom and sharpness,
+and he loves, above all things, to be regarded as an acute fellow. A few
+favoured gentry almost lived on Bob, and scores of outsiders had pretty
+pickings when he was in a lavish humour, which was nearly every day. He
+betted on races, and lost; he played billiards, and lost; he ran fox
+terriers, and lost; he played Nap for hours at a stretch, and generally
+lost. He was only successful in games that required strength and daring.
+Then, of course, he must needs emulate the true sporting men in amorous
+achievements, and thus his income bore the drain of some two or three
+little establishments. Bob would always try to drink twice as much as
+any other man, and he treated himself with the same liberality in the
+matter of ex-barmaids and chorus girls. The Wicked Nobleman was a
+somewhat reckless character in his way, but his feats would not bear
+comparison with those performed by many and many a young fellow who
+belongs to the wealthy middle class. Alas! for that splendid middle
+class which once represented all that was sober and steady and
+trustworthy in Britain! Go into any smart billiard-room nowadays, or
+make a round of the various race meetings, and you will see something to
+make you sad. You see one vast precession of Rakes making their mad
+Progress.
+
+Bob was always kindly with me, as, indeed, he was with everybody. The
+very bookmakers scarcely had the heart to offer him false prices, and
+only the public-house spongers gave him no law. But, then the sponger
+spares nobody. On this memorable morning the lad was rigged in orthodox
+flannels, and he looked ruddy and well, but the ruddiness was not quite
+of the right sort. He had begun drinking early, and his eye had that
+incipient gloss which always appears about the time when the one
+pleasurable moment of drunkenness has come. There is but one pleasant
+moment in a drinking bout, and men make themselves stupid by trying to
+make that fleeting moment permanent. Bob cried, "Come on, sonny. Oh!
+what would I give for your thirst! Mine's gone! I'm three parts copped
+already. Come on. Soda, is it?"
+
+Then, with the usual crass idiocy of our tribe, we proceeded to swallow
+oblivion by the tumbler until the afternoon was nearly gone. I felt damp
+and cold and sticky, so I said I should scull home and change my
+clothes. Then Darbishire yelled with spluttering cordiality, "Home! Not
+if I know it! My togs just fit you. Go and have a bath, and we'll shove
+you in the next room to mine. I'm on the rampage, and Joe Coney's coming
+to-night. You've got nothing to do. Have it out with us. Blow me! we'll
+have a week--we'll have a fortnight--we'll have a month."
+
+I wish I had never taken part in that rampage.
+
+Towards eight o'clock we both felt the false craving for food which is
+produced by alcohol, and we clamoured for dinner. Dinner under such
+circumstances produces a delusive feeling of sobriety, and men think
+that they have killed the alcohol; but the stuff is still there, and
+every molecule of it is ready, as it were, to explode and fly through
+the blood when a fresh draught is added. At eleven o'clock we were at
+cards with Mr. Coney. At one we went out to admire the moon, and though
+one of us saw two moons, he felt a dull pain at the heart as he
+remembered days long ago, when the pale splendour brought gladness. When
+we had solemnly decided that it was a fine night, we went back to our
+reeking room again, and pursued our conversation on the principle that
+each man should select his own subject and try to howl down the other
+two. This exercise soon palled on us, and one by one we sank to sleep.
+The clear light was pouring in when I woke, but the very sight of the
+straight beams made me doleful. When a man is in training, that gush of
+brightness makes him joyous; but a night with the fiend poisons the
+light, the air, the soul. Bob lay on the floor under the full glare of
+the window. What a fine fellow he was! His chest bulged strongly under
+his fleecy sweater; his neck was round and muscular, and every limb of
+him seemed compact and hard. His curls were all dishevelled, and his
+face was miserably puffy, but he had not had time to become bloated. No
+wonder that girls liked him.
+
+Presently we were all awake, and a more wretched company could not very
+well be found. Novelists talk about "a debauch" in a way that makes
+novices think debauchery has something grand and mysterious about it.
+"We must have orgies; it's the proper thing," says Tom Sawyer the
+delightful. The raw lad finds "debauches" mentioned with majestic
+melancholy, and he naturally fancies that, although a debauch may be
+wicked, it is neither nasty nor contemptible. Why cannot some good man
+tell the sordid truth? I suppose he would be accused of Zolaism, but he
+would frighten away many a nice lad from the wrong road. Let any
+youngster who reads this try to remember his worst sick headache; let
+him (if he has been to sea) remember that moment when he longed for
+someone to come and throw him overboard; let him then imagine that he
+has committed a deadly crime; let him also fancy what he would feel if
+he knew that some awful irreparable calamity must inevitably fall on him
+within an hour. Then he will understand that state of mind and body
+which makes men loathe beauty, loathe goodness, loathe life; then he
+will understand what jolly fellows endure.
+
+We glowered glassily on each other, and we were quite ready either to
+quarrel or to shed tears on the faintest provocation. Presently Bob
+laughed in a forced way, and said, "God, what a head! Let's come out.
+Those yellow shades make me bilious." The glory of full day flooded the
+lovely banks, but the light pained our eyes, and we sought refuge in the
+cool, dim shades of the parlour. Our conversation was exactly like that
+of passengers on board ship when they are just about to collapse. The
+minutes seemed like hours; our limbs were listless, as if we had been
+beaten into helplessness. So passed one doleful hour. I mentioned
+breakfast, and Bob shuddered, while Coney rushed from the room. What a
+pleasant thing is a jovial night!
+
+"Let's see if we can manage some champagne," said Darbishire, and the
+"merry" three were soon mournfully gazing on a costly magnum. Sip by sip
+we contrived to drink a glass each; then the false thirst woke, the
+nausea departed, and we were started again for the day.
+
+I persisted in taking violent exercise, but Darbishire seemed to have
+lost all his muscular aptitudes, and although I implored him to exert
+himself, he sank into a lethargy that was only varied by mad fits,
+during which he performed the freaks of a lunatic. After the sixth day's
+drinking I proposed to go away. Bob looked queerly at me, and said in a
+whisper, "Don't you try it on! See that!" and he showed me a little
+Derringer. I laughed; but I was not really amused. You always notice
+that, when a man is about to go wrong, he thinks of killing those whom
+he likes best. That night Bob's hands flew asunder with a jerk while we
+were playing cards; the cards flew about; then he flung a decanter
+violently into the fireplace, and sat down trembling and glaring. I
+sprang to his side, and found that the sweat was running down his neck.
+I pulled off his shoes--his socks were drenched! I said, "I thought
+you'd get them, old fellow. Now, have some beef-tea, and I'll send right
+away for a sleeping draught." Bob trembled still more.
+
+"No beef-tea. I've had nothing these three days, as you know. It would
+kill me to swallow." Then he said, in a horrible whisper, "The brute's
+coming down the chimney again. There's a paw! Now his head! Now's a
+chance! Yah! you pink devil, that's got you! Three days you've been
+coming, and now you're cheeky. Yeo, ho! That's done him." Then he flung
+a second decanter, and sank down once more with a shriek.
+
+"I'll have a drink on that!" he screamed; and I let him take a full
+glass of spirits, for I wanted to secure the Derringer. The drink
+appeared to paralyse him, and I slipped down to the landlord's room. The
+worthy man took things very coolly; none of his trade ever like to see a
+man drunk, but they become hardened to it in time, and talk about
+delirium tremens as if it were measles. Here is the dialogue.
+
+"Bob's queer."
+
+"I thought so. He's had 'em once before. He must be careful, but you
+can't stop him."
+
+"I must have help. I could drown myself when I think that I've perhaps
+encouraged him."
+
+"Don't you worry yourself. He'd have been a million times worse if you'd
+not been about. He sits with the watchmen and all sorts of tow-rags
+then."
+
+"We must get him home somehow."
+
+The landlord fairly shouted: "Home! anything but that! Not that I want
+to keep him, but we must have him right first. There's his mother, what
+could she do?" Then, dropping his voice, the shrewd fellow said, "You
+see, it would nearly pay me to be without his custom, for I'm in the old
+lady's hands. Fact is, they've engaged him to a swell girl, and she's
+awful spoons on him, for there ain't nobody so nice and hearty as he is
+when he's square. He's fond of her, too, but she wants to _reclaim_ him,
+don't you know, and he kinder kicks. So he says when he came, "I'm going
+to be out of apron-strings for a bit," and I don't want him to go near
+home till he's fit to meet the lady. She's a screamer, she is--a real
+swell; and she'd go off her head if she saw him with 'em on. I'll tell
+you what we'll do. I've got one bromide of potass draught. We'll get
+that into him somehow, and in the morning we may manage to feed him.
+During the day we'll get some more stuff from the doctor, and patch him
+up ready for home I don't care to see him again, for there's no stopping
+him."
+
+When I went up to our room, Bob was lying on the floor, and breathing
+heavily. He opened his eyes, rose, and staggered a little; then he said,
+"B'lieve I can walk a bit; come out for a stroll on the tow-path." The
+moon was charging through wild clouds, and the river was flecked
+alternately by strong lights and broad swathes of shadow. Bob muttered
+as he walked; so, to give him an excuse for conversation, I said, "Why
+were you chucking the hardware so gay and free, Robert?" He put his lips
+to my ear, and said, "That pink tom cat has followed me for ever so
+long, and I can't do for him anyhow. By God, he's everywhere! A pink
+cat, you know, with eyes made of red fire. He's on to me just when I
+don't expect him. Take me for a row. The brute can't come on the water."
+
+"You'll never go out to-night!"
+
+"Won't I? And so will you, or I'll know the reason why!"
+
+I had not secured that Derringer.
+
+I picked a big, broad boat at the inn stairs, and we were soon dropping
+gently over the tide, but I would not row hard, as I wanted to be near
+assistance. To my astonishment Darbishire began to talk quite lucidly,
+and went on for a few minutes with all the charm that distinguished him
+when he was sober. By some strange process the blood had begun to
+circulate with regularity in the vessels of the impoverished brain, and
+the man was sane. I was overjoyed, and in the fulness of my heart I
+said, "We'll drive home, or row there to-morrow. My dear fellow, I
+thought you were going dotty." His jaw fell; he yelled, "Stop him--stop
+him! He's coming with his mouth open! Oh! red-hot teeth and his belly
+full of flames--the cat! Oh, I'll stand this no more--you brute, you
+shall drown!" In an instant he sprang overboard; the clouds came over
+the moon, and I could only tell Bob's whereabouts by hearing him
+wallowing and snarling like a dog. I backed up to him, leaned over, and
+passed one of the rudder-lines under his arm-pits; his struggling ceased
+and I shouted for help. Lights moved on the bank, and presently a boat
+shot towards us. The landlord said, "Mercy on us! Excuse me, sir, but
+you did ought to be careful. You ought to be shot for risking that man's
+life; I see as how it is." I was only too glad to have missed seeing a
+tragedy, and I let Boniface talk on.
+
+It was agreed that Bob should have his draught, and that I should sit up
+by his bedside till four next morning. We wrapped him in warm blankets,
+and coaxed him into taking the medicine. He started and twitched for
+some time, and at last sank into sleep. He moaned again and again, but
+showed no signs of waking, and I sat quietly smoking and framing good
+resolutions. My eyeballs were irritable, and I found that I could only
+obtain ease by closing my eyes. Once I started up and walked to and fro;
+then it struck me I ought to throw the Derringer out of the window, and
+I did so; then I sat down. The clock struck two; my tired eyes closed,
+but I was sure I could keep awake, and I began to repeat old songs
+merely to test my memory and keep the brain active.
+
+Crash! I was sitting on the floor. The clock struck one, two, three! Bob
+was gone. I had fallen asleep and betrayed my trust. I could have cried,
+but that would do little good. The door opened, and Darbishire
+appeared--prowling stealthily and glaring. A long glitter met my eye,
+and I saw that Bob had taken down an old Yeomanry sabre from the wall of
+the next room. He came on, and I shrank under the shadow of my
+arm-chair. He heaved up the sabre, and shouted, "Now, you beast, I've
+got you on the hop!" and hacked at the bed with wild fury. As he turned
+his back on me, I prepared to lay hold on him; he whirled round swiftly,
+and my heart came into my mouth. I cried out, "Bob, old man!" He started
+furiously for a second, and then made a pass at me, sending the steel
+through my clothes on the right side. I felt a slight sting, but did not
+mind, and by wrenching myself half round I tore the sabre from his
+hand. Then I closed, and held him, in spite of his struggles and
+frothing curses, until the landlord and ostler burst in and helped me.
+
+The cut on my side only needed sticking-plaister, but I was completely
+exhausted, and I resolved not to risk such another experience for any
+price. I said to the landlord, "He must be taken to the town, where we
+can have a doctor and attendants handy."
+
+"But you won't drive that poor lady out of her senses, will you?"
+
+"No, I'll take him to The Chequers, and smuggle him in at night. They
+know me there, and not a soul but the doctor and the men will be able to
+tell where he is."
+
+Boniface was not quite satisfied, but he agreed to lend me two men, and
+at dusk I drove round to the back gate of The Chequers, and smuggled Bob
+through the stables.
+
+He was very well behaved when the doctor came, and even thanked him for
+providing two careful attendants. The doctor's directions were very
+simple. "I'll give him some strong meat essence at once; then he must
+have the draught that I will send. No alcohol on any consideration, no
+matter if he goes on his knees to you. Let him have milk and beef-tea as
+often as you can, and never leave him for an instant."
+
+Our landlord of The Chequers was very funny about the jim-jams, and
+funnier still about my suddenly taking to swell company; but I let him
+talk on, and he certainly kept unusually quiet, though no more
+inveterate gossip ever lived.
+
+At a very late hour I was strolling homeward, long after the last
+reeling coster had swayed and howled towards his slum, when two women
+stopped me Then a man came from the shadow of the wall, and I thought I
+had fallen across some strange night-birds; but one of the women spoke,
+and I knew she was a lady. "You have my boy in that horrid place. Tell
+me, is he well? I must see him; I'll tear the doors down with my nails."
+Then the man said, "I drove the keb, sir. I knows Mr. Robert, and I
+thought I'd better tell his mother." I eagerly said, "Madam, you shall
+see him, but, pray, not to-night. The shock might kill him. On my honour
+he is in good hands, and I promise to come to you on the instant when it
+is safe for you to meet him." The lady moaned, "Oh, my boy--my
+darling--my own! Oh! the curse!"--and then she went away.
+
+In two days Bob was quite calm and rational. He craved for food, and
+seemed so well that I thought I might manage him single-handed. So the
+attendants were dismissed, with the doctor's permission, and Bob and I
+settled down for a quiet chat. I shall never forget that talk. The lad
+was not maudlin, and he utterly refused to whimper, but he seemed
+suddenly to have seen the horror of the past. "You can stop in time, old
+man," he said, "but I can't. When I'm well, I'll turn to work, and I'll
+try to keep other chaps from getting into the mud. It would be funny to
+see me preaching to the boys up river, wouldn't it?" For a moment I
+thought, "I'll turn teetotal as well," but I did not say it. I bent
+towards Bob and asked, "Would you care to see your mother, old man?" He
+smiled beautifully, and eagerly answered, "Go for her now."
+
+I was away about two hours, and returned with Mrs. Darbishire. The
+landlord met us, and gravely said "I've been away, but the potman tells
+me a queer yarn. Mr. Darbishire made queer signs out of window to the
+man you call the Ramper, and Mr. Ramper goes to the pub over the way and
+then up to the room. And now Mr. Robert's been locked in for a hour and
+a half." My heart gave one leap, and then I felt cold. We hurried up
+stairs, and we heard a long shrill snarl--not like a human voice.
+
+"Locked! Fetch a crowbar, and call up one of the lads to help."
+
+We burst open the door, and there on the bed lay Bob. He was chattering,
+as it were, in his sleep, and a brandy bottle lay on the floor. He had
+swallowed nearly the whole of the poison raw, and his limbs were
+paralyzed. Suddenly he opened his eyes; then he writhed and yelled,
+"Mother!--the beast! the beast!" The lady threw herself down on her
+knees with a pitiful cry, but Bob did not speak to her. He never spoke
+any more.
+
+
+
+
+TEDDY.
+
+
+I was so weak and nervous after Bob Darbishire's death that I did not go
+much to The Chequers; I hid myself most in my own rooms. The funeral was
+attended by all the well-to-do folks in the district; but I was not
+there, because I did not care to pass by The Chequers in the procession.
+Most people had a good word for poor Bob, and many kind fellows could
+not mention him without the tears coming into their eyes. Only the
+spongers were indifferent; but they had, of course, to look around for
+another liberal spendthrift. Bob was so young, and bright, and brave; I
+never knew a straighter or a kinder man, and I have seen few who had so
+much ability. He drifted into drunkenness by accident, and the vice had
+him hard by the throat before he found out that he was really a
+prisoner. He struggled for awhile, and repented again and again; but
+his will was captured, and when once a man's will is enslaved, vices
+seem to come easy to him. I am not fit to moralise about his relations
+with women; I only know that he was a sinner, and I think of his
+temptations. Like so many splendid young Englishmen, he was conquered by
+drink. The vice seizes on some of the best in all classes, and the
+finest flowers soon become as worthless as weeds when the blight has
+caught them. It is nearly always the bright lad of a family, the most
+promising, the mother's darling, that goes wrong; it is the brilliant
+students, the men of whom one says, "Ah, what could he not do if he
+would only try!" is those who trip, and quench their brilliance in the
+mud. A little rift in the fabric of the will, a little instability of
+temper, an unlucky week of idleness--these are the things that start a
+man towards the very gulf of doom. Bob Darbishire, the athlete, the
+delightful and exhilarating companion, was set gliding on the slope, and
+now he and his hopes and his unknown capabilities have passed away,
+deeper than ever plummet sounded. It is a big puzzle. I am a loafer, and
+I suppose I shall never be anything else, so it is not for me to solve
+the ugly problem.
+
+The Ramper fawned on me, and asked me if I had heard of "that there pore
+young bloke wot kicked the bucket upstairs."
+
+I said, "Yes; I fancy he was murdered. Do you know who took the brandy
+up to him?"
+
+The Ramper looked very wicked, but merely answered, "'Ow should I know?
+He arst me, and I goes and says, 'No, sir; not for a thick 'un.' I see
+'ow he was. I've 'ad 'em on myself, and I knowed as 'ow he wasn't up
+there for nothing."
+
+The Ramper is undoubtedly a liar.
+
+The Wanderer often asked me to call, for he knows that I have a stiff
+flask in my pocket every night. I have pieced out the rest of his story,
+and I shall put it into my book when I am less glum. At present I swear
+every day that I shall turn temperance lecturer, and spend my money on
+the Cause; but, somehow, habit, and my roving blood, are too much for
+me. Like all men of my sort, from Burns downward, I can see evils
+clearly, and state their nature plainly enough; but when it comes to
+keeping clear of them, I resemble my tribe in being rather unhandy at
+judicious strategy. _Vogue la galere!_
+
+Three months more have gone and my journals have never been written up,
+save in chance scraps. The Wanderer is quite as interesting as ever! I
+took the odds to L2 with him over a race run at Newmarket, and he paid
+promptly. He puts out little signs of improvement--sprouts of
+gentility--at times: but one heavy spell of gin and Shakespeare takes
+him back to the old level again. Still, he is more amusing than the
+dandies; in fact, I do not think I shall go amongst the respectable
+division again. I make no pretence of immolating myself: I go among the
+blackguards and wastrels because I am fascinated; I tell exactly what I
+see, and leave other people to make practical use of my words. During
+the last three months I have been, as usual, hard hit. It seems as
+though any creature that I am fond of must soon be lost to me, and the
+pages of my journal are like rows of tombstones.
+
+We were making a great noise in the bar one night, for a cornet and
+fiddle were playing, and a few couples were moved by the music and the
+beer to begin dancing. A good many women come in at one time or other,
+and their shrill laughter forms the treble of our crashing chorus. One
+tall, broad-shouldered dame, who boasts of having six sons serving in
+the Guards, made a great commotion. Her weight is considerable. She had
+been drinking for four hours, and, when she attempted to illustrate her
+theory of the waltz, she sent drinkers and drink flying as though her
+offspring's battalion had charged. She had disabled one sporting coster
+who tried to guide her, and the landlord was preparing for practical
+remonstrance, when she sailed down upon me, yawing all the way as though
+she were running before a hard breeze. I prepared for the shock, but I
+was not destined to receive it. A tiny little lad had just received some
+beer in a bottle from the counter, and he was making for home, when the
+tall woman plumped upon him. The bottle was broken, the beer ran among
+the dirt and sawdust, and the little lad was almost smothered before the
+landlord (who impolitely addressed the waltzer as a cow) had managed to
+haul the ponderous woman to her feet. The boy was a good deal hurt
+physically, but his mental distress at sight of the lost beer prevented
+him from noticing his bruises. When he fully grasped the extent of the
+calamity he actually became pale, and I do not think I ever saw such a
+piteous little face in my life. I asked "How much was it, little 'un?"
+His lips trembled, and he said, "I dunno. I put a-money down, and her
+knows what to put in a-bottle. Father got to 'ave his beer, else he not
+have good supper." I thought, "This youngster isn't ill-used, or he
+wouldn't be anxious for his father to have a good supper." Then I
+ordered a pint can of ale, and offered it to the youth. He hesitated,
+and said, "It's dark. I slip on a stone, and then more beer gone," so I
+took his hand, and marched off with the can, notwithstanding the fact
+that my friend the cornet player struck up "See the conquering hero" in
+a most humorous and embarrassing manner.
+
+It was very quiet and fresh outside, after the hoarse wrangling and the
+dreadful air, and I liked to have the boy's soft hand in mine. He said,
+"Missa Benjo's cellar open. Two mens fall down a-night; you keep a-hold
+o' my hand." I went very warily down the alley, and found that Mr. Benjo
+had assuredly left an awkward trap for the people from The Chequers. My
+young man seemed very smart and careful, and he soon led to a lone door
+which opened into a den that was half kitchen, half cellar.
+
+"Who a-you got long o' you, Teddy?" inquired a gruff man who was
+crouched on a stool by the side of the empty grate.
+
+"It's a man, father, wot give me the beer."
+
+"Come in, mate, if you've a mind."
+
+I accepted the invitation, prompted by my usual curiosity, and found
+myself in a stinking little box, which was lit by a guttering dip. Some
+clothes hung on a line, and these offended more senses than one. No
+breath of pure air seemed to have blown through that gruesome dwelling
+for many a day, but I am seasoned, and nothing puts me out much.
+
+"Ain't got another seat, mate. Take the bed."
+
+The bed was not suggestive of sleep, and I was a trifle uneasy as I sat
+down; yet I knew it would never do to hesitate, so down I sat.
+
+"Wot's this about givin' Teddy the beer?"
+
+I made answer.
+
+"Ain't got no more 'n two bloomin' dee, but you can have 'em, and thank
+ye for your trouble."
+
+"I have money enough, thanks. A pint isn't much."
+
+"Oh, now I knows you. A bloke was a-tellin' me they had a broken-down
+toff round at The Chequers, and some on 'em says you ain't no more
+broken down 'n the Lord Mayor. Allus got enough for a 'eavy booze.
+Anyway, you talks like a toff. I used to git round to the bar, but it
+don't run to it now. Two kids; and Teddy's clothes there ain't not so
+easy to buy now. Missus is out charin'. She'll fetch us a bit o' supper,
+and I makes out middlin' well along o' my pint and bit o' bacca. How's
+things, mate?"
+
+I said that things were flourishing fairly.
+
+"You ain't never done much blank work, _you_ ain't. Your dukes is same
+as silk. Bin a tailor?"
+
+"No, I have other work to do."
+
+"All square, mate; 'tain't no business o' mine. Things is bad 'ere. The
+blank, blank swine of a blank landlord, he takes pooty well 'alf of
+every tanner I can make, and d----d if he'll do anything to the place."
+
+"Smells are queer down here."
+
+"Smell! Lord love you, come down yere to-morrer, and you'll git to know
+wot stinks is. Let Teddy show you that 'ere bloomin' ditch at the back.
+They calls it a stream, but I dussn't say wot I thinks it is afore the
+nipper. All the dead cats and muck in the bloomin' crehation gits dumped
+in there. On 'ot days you wants a nosebag on, I tell you, and no error."
+
+"Does Teddy go to school?"
+
+"No fear; not yet. But he's fly as they makes 'em, he is. Useful he is,
+too. 'Andy as makes no matter, and he ain't no more 'n seven."
+
+"Well, I'm coming to see Teddy and the ditch to-morrow. Will you have
+another pint?"
+
+"Right, matey; that'll do for to-morrow. Ain't you got no less 'n a
+tanner? Never mind, I'll square when I'm flush."
+
+Next day I visited the alley, and went to the gap where it opened on to
+the ditch. There was an admirably efficient hotbed for rearing diseases
+there. A solid bed of sewage of about two feet deep seemed to fill the
+hollow, and a thin sheet of filthy water covered this bed--with sickly
+breaks here and there. Ordure palpable and abominable was plentiful,
+and the swollen carcasses of small animals exhaled their biting wafts.
+Poor little Teddy! I said, "Come home with me, will you? Mind, you
+mustn't tell anyone where I live;" and the amiable little dot set off at
+my side. He could not walk very well, for he had one shoe minus a sole,
+and his toes stuck through the other. When we reached my room I sent out
+for a pair of boots and two pairs of socks; then I pitched Teddy's away,
+and presently to his terror, and my own amusement, I found myself
+engaged in washing his feet. Nice little feet they were when they came
+clean, and their owner pattered about with perfect satisfaction on my
+carpet. I pulled out some cakes, and Teddy accepted a few, turning away
+his head as he took them. He had the exact look of a dog that is being
+reproved, and I had some trouble in persuading him to begin. When he had
+finished one sponge-cake he grinned and enigmatically observed, "Teddy's
+belly." I said, "That's baby talk. You talked all right last night.
+Finish your cakes and you'll have some more for tea. Trot about as you
+like till it's ready." He went gaily about, touching some articles, and
+even sniffing at others; he dived into my bedroom, and I heard him cry
+"Ooh!" Then there was a scraping sound, and Teddy appeared lugging a
+small looking-glass and smiling broadly. "Ooh! This is what there is
+when a lady gives you a beer." I understood that he referred to the
+bleared glass behind the bar of the Chequers, and I appreciated Teddy's
+powers of comparison; but I explained to him that mirrors cannot be
+safely hauled about by little boys, and he kindly assented to this
+proposition.
+
+We had tea, and Teddy so far improved on his bashfulness that he made
+grabs at several things which would have disagreed with him if I had let
+him follow his inclinations. He affably received my hints on table
+etiquette, and smiled with gentleness when I told him he had eaten
+enough. The little creature's ideas were like those of a dog. He had
+been taught to follow and to come home to his kennel; he was ready to be
+gracious toward those who fed him, and he had the true canine glance
+which expresses gratitude and expectancy at once. But he was only a
+rudimentary human being, and his brain power had slept so far. I showed
+him Caldecott's wonderful "House that Jack Built," and he gloated over
+that delightful villain of a dog; the cat and the rat he understood, but
+he knew nothing of the cow. I let him stare at the dog as long as he
+chose, and he chuckled like a magpie all the time. He proposed to remove
+the picture-book, and it was only with difficulty that I persuaded him
+to let me keep it. Knowing the street arab class very well, I did not
+try to talk with him, for I have always found that an arab's curiosity
+when he finds himself in a new place renders him incapable of attending
+to anything that is said to him until he has learned the appearance of
+every object in the room. The little chap is a barbarian, and you must
+treat him exactly as you would treat an adult member of a friendly
+savage tribe.
+
+Before Teddy went home I rigged him up in his new boots and stockings,
+and he was amusingly proud. When we parted at the alley he said, "You
+let me go you house again, and have some nice things and see the dog?"
+Of course I invited him, and henceforth he waylaid me in the afternoons
+as I went home. At first he was not polite, and his mode of calling,
+"Hoy, man! wait for me!" drew marked attention from the public. But he
+soon learned to lift his hat and to shake hands. At intervals I gave him
+set lessons on manners, and, if he behaved nicely, we had a game at
+cricket in my queer old garden. It was almost impossible to make Teddy
+understand the morality of any game at first. When he learned that the
+ball must not touch his wicket, his treatment of my slow bowling was
+positively immoral. I did not mind his kicking the ball out of the way,
+nor did I object to his using his bat like a scoop; but when he lay down
+in front of the wicket, and sweetly smiled as the ball touched his
+stomach, I had to insist on severe cricketing etiquette. As the nights
+darkened in I took to amusing myself more and more with Teddy, and
+sometimes I did not go out to the Chequers at all. The boy was a severe
+trial to me when he learned to play draughts. When once the fundamental
+laws of the game dawned on his mind, and he understood that he must try
+to reduce the number of my pieces, he thought that any means were
+justified if he could be successful. Once I left the room for a minute
+while we were playing, and on my return found four of my men had
+disappeared. I said, "Where are those men?" Teddy smiled courteously; "I
+taken 'em. I go hop, hop, hop, over a lot. All fair." "But where have
+you put them?" "In a pocket. All fair." But he gradually grew out of his
+habits of picking and stealing, and he behaved much like a well-trained
+dog. It is plain to me that he regarded me as a sort of deity; but his
+love was quite unalloyed by fear. He would stroke my beard, and say,
+"You very nice," when I had been specially good-humoured, and, as his
+stock of words increased, he prattled on by the hour. One must love
+something, and I got into the habit of loving this pale little urchin,
+so that at length I fitted up a crib for him, and asked his mother to
+let him stay with me. This made a great change in my habits. Teddy
+seemed to wake as by magic, if I rose to go out after he was in bed,
+and, although he never cried, his way of saying, "You won't let me stop
+by myself--perhaps the black man might come," always settled me. By
+degrees I fell into the habit of reading at nights, and the steady life
+made my brain clear. Books that had been dim memories to me for years
+became vivid, and the power of sustained thinking came back. In those
+long, calm evenings, I went through my Gibbon again, and the awful
+pageant that rolls past our view under the direction of the aristocrat
+of literature made my late life seem poor and mean. How low we were! The
+darkened costers are interesting as studies in animal life; but the more
+pretentious persons whose humour reaches its highest flight in an
+indecent story, and whose wit consists in calling someone else a
+liar--how petty they are, and how fruitless is their friendship! I began
+to feel like a patrician who surveys the mob from his lordly dais, and I
+almost resolved to go back to the clubs and theatres once more.
+
+Teddy increased so much in mental power that he took interest in fairy
+tales, and he was a rigorous taskmaster. I was obliged to illustrate the
+stories in varied ways. Once I was asked, "What's a gian'?" I said, "A
+very, very big man." "Big as you?" "Far bigger." "How bigger? Has he got
+legs, and heads, and--and things like that?" "We'll see. When I stand on
+this chair I'm as big as a giant," but it was all of no avail, and only
+after Teddy had seen a huge, knock-kneed being in a penny show did he
+understand what a giant could be like. Then he asked for giant stories
+on all occasions.
+
+It struck me that I was neglecting Teddy's religious education. Hundreds
+and thousands of such little fellows in and about London have no notion
+of a God, or any ruling power save the policeman. I had a dark mind to
+deal with, and Teddy's questions fairly beat me. Of course I took the
+old orthodox ideas, and tried to make them simple, but Teddy posed me
+like this:
+
+"Do God live in a sky?"
+
+"Far away. Yes; well, say in the sky."
+
+"Where does he hang up his coat when he goes to his bed?"
+
+What on earth was a poor, distracted loafer to say? I could not deal
+with Jesus, for I saw that Teddy did not understand goodness. He knew
+that I was kind, and he liked to kiss my hand slily, and rub his cheek
+on my knee; but abstract goodness and gentle words like those of Jesus
+did not appeal to him. I was satisfied to have a queer creature that
+followed me like a dog, and I am afraid that if he had lived I should
+have made him a kind of heathen; but the luck was against me. Teddy's
+father came on a Sunday morning, and said, "If you don't mind, his
+mother'd like to 'ave him along to dinner to-morrow. We got a bit o'
+pork and a horrange spesshal for him." So Teddy went home when the ditch
+was in worse order than usual. He had been kept amid good air, and he
+was clean--I washed him myself--and I fancy that the stenches poisoned
+him simply because he could not become acclimatised to the alley again.
+Anyway, he was heavy and listless when he came back, and in two days I
+had to send for his father and mother. I am not going into any pathetic
+details, for that is not my line. Night after night I walked the floor
+with the youngster, and when the doctor said I should catch diphtheria
+if I kissed him, I said I didn't care a damn, for I was wild. Then my
+boy went away.
+
+One night I was walking about the park in mad fashion while a hoarse
+gale roused a deep chorus among the trees. I could have sworn that my
+lad called to me. Then I went back and dropped into The Chequers. The
+Ramper said, "Wot cher, yer old bugaboo?" The Wanderer shouted, "Now
+let the trumpet to the kettle speak; the kettle to the cannoneer
+without. He comes! He comes!"
+
+And I went home and stayed till dawn with the Wanderer. That is the way
+we live.
+
+
+
+
+THE WANDERER AGAIN.
+
+
+Several racing men have warned me against the Wanderer, in their
+peculiarly friendly way. They want me to bet with _them_. But I like the
+Bohemian, the blackleg, better than I do better men. Moreover, though I
+am carefully informed that he is a blackleg, I find him honest. His
+story has long been hanging in my mind, and we may as well take it at
+once.
+
+Devine's runaway match turned out well for a time. When old Mr. Billiter
+came home and heard what had happened he fell in a fit, and, on his
+recovery, he went about for a long time moaning, "We'll never hold up
+our heads no more." His friends thought he would lose his reason, for he
+would stop people in the street, and say, "Have you a daughter? Kill
+her, if you care for her. Mine's gone off with a hactor." But the young
+couple were happy enough in reality, and Devine took the fancy of the
+New Yorkers to such a degree that his engagement was extended over three
+years. Letty Devine led a gay, careless life; her husband had plenty of
+money, and she was introduced to pleasures that made the frowsy life of
+home seem very repulsive. Devine was kind to her, and continued to play
+the lover in his pompous style. She was proud of her man, too. He played
+Claude Melnotte for his benefit once, and she longed to say to the
+ladies in the theatre, "He belongs to me. How could she help being
+fascinated with him? Where could you find such another princely being?"
+She felt a lump in her throat when the great house rose at her William,
+and the more so since she knew that her praise was more to him than all
+the clamour of the theatre. Devine had begun by fortune-hunting, and
+ended by loving his wife, though she did not bring him a penny.
+
+Those were merry days in New York. Champagne was plentiful as water, and
+William Devine often came home in a very lively condition, but his wife
+did not mind, for she thought that a man must have his glass. Women of
+the lower and middle classes have a great deal to do with supplying
+customers to the public-house. Some of them drive their men there by
+nagging, but more of them lead a man on to drink by sheer indulgence.
+They encourage him to enjoy himself without thinking of the day when
+enjoyment will be impossible, and when they and their children will
+reach the lowermost rung of the ladder of shame and penury. The Wanderer
+went merrily on his way, but his vice was steadily gaining on him, and
+his nerve was going. He took a long engagement for an Australian tour,
+and carried on very loosely all the while; but Letty saw no change.
+Women never do until the very worst has happened. When Devine came to
+England he was eagerly looked after, and he should have fared well. For
+a time he had engagements and money in plenty, but a subtle change was
+taking place in him, and managers and audiences saw it, though they
+could not say precisely where the deterioration had taken place.
+
+There is a certain sporting set of theatrical men who are very dangerous
+companions. Their daily work is exciting, and when they want change
+they often gamble, because that is the only form of excitement which is
+keener than the stir and tumult of the theatre. When Devine won three
+hundred pounds on one Derby he was a lost man. He pitted his wits
+against the bookmakers'; he took to loafing about with those flash,
+cunning fellows who appear to spend their mornings in bars and their
+evenings in music-halls; he lost his ambition, and he began to lead a
+double life. In the end he took to presenting himself at the theatre in
+various stages of drunkenness, and on one unlucky night he practically
+settled his own fate by falling down on the stage after he had blundered
+over his lines a dozen times. The public saw little of him after that,
+for he had not the power of Kean, or Cooke, or Brooke.
+
+They all go the same way when they slip as Devine did. You can meet them
+on the roads, in common lodging-houses, in the workhouse. The residuum
+is constantly recruited from the "comfortable" classes, and, out of
+thousands of cases, I never knew half-a-dozen in which the cause was not
+drink. I blame nobody. A drunkard is always selfish--the most selfish of
+created beings--and his flashes of generosity are symptoms of disease.
+If he lives to be cured of his vice his selfishness disappears, and he
+is another man; but so long as he is mastered by the craving, all things
+on earth are blotted out for him saving his own miserable personality.
+So far does the disease of egotism go, that it is impossible to find a
+drunkard who can so much as listen to another person; he is inexorably
+impelled to utter forth _his_ views with more or less incoherence.
+
+Devine, the tender husband, the kind father, became a mere slinker, a
+haunter of tap-rooms, a weed. Sometimes he was lucky enough to win a
+pound or two on a race, and that was his only means of support. The
+children were ragged; Letty tried to live on tea and bread, but the lack
+of food soon brought her low, and from sheer weakness she became a
+pitiful slattern.
+
+Mr. Billiter was informed that a woman "like a beggar" wanted to see him
+particularly. He was about to order her off at first, but he finished by
+going to the door, and the beggar-woman went on her knees to him. He
+trembled; then he fairly lifted the poor soul up in his arms and sobbed
+hard. "My gal, my pooty as was. My little gal. To think as you never
+come before you was like this. I've bin dead since you was away. My 'art
+was dead, my little gal. And you're goin' away no more, never no more,
+with no hactors. Sit down. Give me that shawl. Lord bless me, it's a
+dish clout! And your neck's like a chicken's, and your breasts is all
+flat, as was round as could be. O me!"
+
+But the good fellow's moanings soon fell on deaf ears, for Letty
+fainted. When she came round, the servants fed her, and she began to cry
+for the children. "Children if you like, but never him," said Billiter;
+and he at once drove off to bring his darling's ragged little ones home.
+
+Devine was snoring on the floor when the old tradesman entered the
+lodging. There was no fire, no furniture, no food, and the half-naked
+children were huddled together for warmth. The youngest two screamed
+when a rough man came in, for they thought it was the brokers once more.
+Billiter sent the eldest out for a candle, which he stuck in an empty
+gin-bottle. He looked at the snoring drunkard, and gave him a
+contemptuous push with his foot; but the one little boy screamed, "You
+not touch my dada, you bad man!" and the old fellow was instantly
+ashamed. He said, "Now, my little dears, I want you to come to your
+mamma. She sent me for you. We'll all go away in a warm carriage, and
+you'll have something warm and nice to eat. Put the youngsters' clothes
+on, my gal."
+
+"We've none of us got any clothes, sir."
+
+"My God! Here, you sir--wake up. Sit against the wall. Do you see me?
+I've got your wife at home, and I'm going to take these kids. You'll
+hear from me to-morrow."
+
+"Devine finally woke just before the public-houses closed. He staggered
+out, and, after his first drink, the memory of what had passed flashed
+back on him. He felt in his pockets. Yes! He had some money--a good deal
+as it happened, for he had put five shillings on a horse at 33 to 1.
+"Pull yourself together, Billy," he muttered. "You must have a warm bed
+to-night, and face it out to-morrow. One more drink, and I'll have my
+bed here."
+
+In the morning he felt wretched, but when he had regained his nerve by
+the usual method he acted like a man. First he wrote a letter to his
+wife. (I saw the yellow old copy of it.)
+
+"Dearest,--I had a bit of luck yesterday, and took too much on the
+strength of it. I was carried home from this house, and I could not
+speak to Lily or any of them. I deserve to lose you, and I will never
+ask you to come back unless there is no fear of more misery. But this I
+will do. I intend to maintain my own children, if I go and sell matches.
+I won eight pounds odd yesterday. I squandered one pound, I keep two to
+make a fresh start, and you have the rest. While this heart shall
+beat--yes, while memory holds her seat, as the poet says, you are dear
+to me. Once more, in the poet's words, I grapple you to my soul with
+hoops of steel. What has come over me I do not know, and when I wake to
+the fact of my degradation I go madly to the drink again. But I will
+try, and I implore your forgiveness. I cannot hope to see you often, and
+it is better that I should not, for I am worthless. But think of me,
+and, if I fall again and again, believe me that I shall go on striving
+to do better.--Until death, I am your loving, W. DEVINE."
+
+"We don't want none of his 'oss-racin' money. Send it back, my gal,"
+growled old Billiter when he saw this letter. But the poor woman would
+not hurt her husband.
+
+Devine found all respectable employments closed to him, and he was often
+in desperate straits; but he would always contrive to send something, if
+it were only a half-crown, toward the support of his children. When he
+reached the Nadir of shabbiness, he touted in Piccadilly among the cabs,
+and picked up a few coppers in that way. For days he could abstain from
+drink, but that curse never left him, and he broke down again and again,
+only to repent and strive more fervently than ever. Alas! how weak we
+are. Surely we should help each other. I am often tempted to forget
+there is evil in the world. There are moments when I can almost pardon
+myself, but that is too hard. Devine said he could not see Letty often.
+He only saw her once more. She was ailing and weakly, and one day she
+put her arms round her father's neck, and whispered to him. He started,
+and growled, "All right, my gal; I deny you nothin'. Only I'll go out of
+the 'ouse before he comes."
+
+So William Devine was summoned, and he found his wife propped up in bed.
+Her hands were frail, and the bones of her arms stood out sharply. The
+man was choking, Letty made an effort, lifted her arms, and drew him
+down to her with an ineffable gesture of tenderness. "Oh, Will, I'm glad
+you've come. How happy we were--how happy! I forget everything but
+that." Devine could not speak for a while. Letty said:
+
+"You'll always be near the children, won't you?"
+
+"So help me God! I'll give up my life to them."
+
+Then the doctor came, and the Wanderer saw his stricken wife no more.
+
+Devine bore many hardships before he was able to claim his children, and
+even when he had rigged up a house fit to shelter them he was vigorously
+opposed by old Billiter. But he got his own way, and Letty's children
+joined their father.
+
+And now I must speak of a strange thing. The room which the Wanderer
+occupies is bare of every comfort. When we sit together we rest our
+glasses on the mantelpiece (for there is no table), and our feet are on
+the boards. But one night Devine said, "Come up and see my pets in
+bed." The young people were disposed in two absolutely comfortable
+rooms. Everything was neat and clean, and there were signs even of
+luxury. "How is this? Squalor below, comfort here," I thought. A little
+girl who was awake said, "Kiss me, papa, dear." Her nightgown was white
+and pretty. All the clothes that lay around were good. "Now, see the
+children's room," said my seedy host. "They live _there_." And, behold!
+a perfectly comfortable place, fitted up with strong, good furniture.
+
+When we went down, the Wanderer helped himself from my flask. Then, with
+majesty, he observed, "You marvel to see me so shabby? Sir, you must
+know that I wear my clothes till they are falling to pieces. I deny
+myself everything but the booze, and I never start on that till I've
+handed my daughter--bless her!--the best part of the money. I made a
+promise to a saint, sir. I couldn't drop the liquor. It's my master, so
+I fight as long as I can and get better as soon as possible after it's
+over. I'm wrong to give way and spend money on it. I can't help myself.
+But I give all but my drink-money to them. Sir, I am content to meet
+the scoffs of respectability; I think only of my children in my sober
+moments. On the racecourse I'm a gambler, I'm a blackleg (if you believe
+all you hear); but when the horses are passing the post and all the
+people are mad, I am quite quiet. I pray sir, to win; but I only pray
+because my children's faces are before me. Yes, sir, take away the drink
+and give me a chance of honest work and I might nearly be a good man."
+
+The fellow's face grew almost youthful as he spouted, and I thought,
+"That little girl upstairs is very young. Her father is not an old man
+after all." Old he looks--battered, scared, frail; but he has a young
+heart. What a compound! The more I meditate, the more I am convinced
+that we shall have to invent a new morality. The standards whereby we
+judge men are far too rigid. Who shall say that Devine is bad? He is a
+victim to the disease of alcoholism, and his disease brings with it fits
+of selfishness. But there is another Devine--the real man--who is
+neither diseased nor selfish; and both are labelled as disreputable.
+When next I see poor Billy on the floor after his yelling fit I shall
+think of him in a friendly way. More than ever I am convinced by his
+fate that all the high-flying legislation, all the preaching of
+morality, all pulpit abstractions count for nothing. The best men must
+try by strenuous individual exertions to combat the subtle curse which
+has converted the good, generous Billy Devine into a mean debauche. I am
+out of it. I smoke with Billy, I clink glasses with Billy, I laugh at
+Billy's declamations, and I am often muddled when I leave Billy in the
+morning. He illustrates sordidly a chapter of England's history. I wish
+he didn't.
+
+
+
+
+THE ROBBERY.
+
+
+I was robbed last night, and it served me right for being a fool. A
+seedy, down-looking man hangs about The Chequers all day, and he never
+does any work except stick up the pins in the skittle alley. He has a
+sly, secret look, and I fancy he is one of the stupid class of
+criminals. We often talk together, but there is not much to be got out
+of him; he usually keeps his eye on someone else's pewter, and he is
+catholic in his taste for drinks. Of late he has been accompanied by
+three other persons--a stout, slatternly woman, whom he named as his
+wife; a rather pretty, snub-nosed girl, who dresses in tawdry prints;
+and a red-faced, thick-set, dark fellow, who grins perpetually and shows
+a nice set of teeth. The elder man confidentially informed me that the
+stout young man was his son-in-law.
+
+We had been a long time acquainted before I learned anything definite
+about these four. The girl usually arrives about half-past ten; she
+spends money freely, and the four always take home a huge can of beer.
+Some while ago the young man--Blackey he is nicknamed--went out, and I
+followed him quietly. He had been affable with me all the evening, and
+went so far as to offer me a drink. It struck me that he was indirectly
+trying to pump me, for he said, "You don't talk like none of us. I
+reckon you've been on the road." Moreover, when we met he had saluted me
+thus, "Sarishan Pala. Kushto Bak," and this salutation happens to be
+Rommany. As we pursued our talk, he inquired, "You rakker Rommanis?"
+(You speak the gipsy tongue?) and I answered, "Avo." I could see that he
+wanted to establish some bond of communication between us, and that was
+why I followed him. As I quietly came up behind him he said, "That's
+tacho like my dad. I dicked a bar and a pash-crooner." (That's as true
+as can be. I saw a sovereign and a half-crown.) He was not comfortable
+when he saw me, and I knew I had been a fool to let him know that I
+spoke Rommany. However, I passed on as if I had not heard a word. The
+fellow had no doubt been told that I was a tramp, and he put a feeler to
+find out whether I knew the language of the road. Next day we met very
+early. I had stayed out all night with some poachers, and I was in The
+Chequers by half-past seven in the morning. Master Blackey was there
+also, and we exchanged greetings. He was blotchy and his eyes seemed
+heavy; moreover, he was without a drink, and I correctly guessed that he
+had no money. My evil genius prompted me to ask for brandy-and-soda,
+which was the last thing I should have done, and Blackey said, "Us
+blokes can't go for sixpenny drinks. Let me 'ave a drappie levinor." The
+gipsy word for ale was quietly dropped in, and I ordered the right stuff
+as if nothing unusual had been said. Then it flashed on me. "This beauty
+has heard of me from the Suffolk gipsies; he knows that I carry money
+sometimes, and he wants to find out if I am really the laulo Rye." (The
+Surrey Roms call me the Boro Rye; the Suffolk Roms call me laulo Rye.)
+
+For a good while after this the times seemed to be rather bad for the
+four companions. Several times I saw Blackey mutter savagely when the
+girl came in, and it was easy to see that he was not a full-blood gipsy,
+or he would never have threatened to strike her in a public bar. Then it
+happened that I heard a yell one night as I was stealing around the
+by-streets after most of the drunken people had gone home. A man's voice
+growled harshly--it was like the snarl of a wild beast,--"Three nights
+you done no good. Blarst yer slobberin'! you ain't got no more savvey
+than a blank blank cow. I'd put a new head on yer for tuppence."
+
+A woman answered, "You've struck me, you swine; and if I've got a black
+eye I'll quod you, sure as I'm yere. Ain't I lushed you, and fed you,
+and found your clobber long enough?"
+
+"Garn, you farthin' face! Shet your neck."
+
+"All very fine, Mister Blackey, but how would you like a smack in the
+bloomin' eye? I done the best as I knew for you, and there ain't a bloke
+round as has a judy wot'll go where I goes and hand over the wongur."
+
+"Never mind, I was waxy when I done it. Maybe we'll 'ave some luck to
+morrow'."
+
+I was hidden all this time, and I kept very quiet until the pair moved
+away. Over my last pipe I had many meditations, and formed my own
+conclusions about Master Blackey.
+
+There are, as I have said, thousands of fellows who have never done any
+work, and never mean to do any; they are born in various grades of life;
+the public-house is their temple; they live well and lie warm, and you
+can see a fine set of them in the full flush of their hoggish jollity at
+any suburban race meeting. Blackey was a fair specimen of his tribe;
+they are often pleasant and plausible in a certain way, and it is really
+a pity that they cannot be forcibly drafted into the army, for they are
+always men of fine physique. They are vermin, if you like, but how
+admirably we protect them, and how convenient are the houses of call
+which we provide for them.
+
+I went warily to work with Blackey, but I was resolved all the same to
+see him in his home. It happens that even Blackey's household has a
+hanger-on, who also happens to be a parasite of mine. He is a lanky,
+weedy lad, with a foxy face. His dark, oblique-set eyes, his high
+cheek-bones, his sharp chin, are vulpine to the last degree, and, as he
+slouches along with his shoulders rucked up and his knees bent, he
+looks like the Representative Thief. He is called Patsey, and I
+frequently spare him a copper; but his chief patron is Blackey, who
+often hands him the dregs of a pot of beer.
+
+Yesterday morning Patsey waylaid me, but I waved him off. At night he
+caught me going in at the back gate of The Chequers; his hand trembled
+as he clutched my arm, and he said with chattering teeth, "Give me a
+dollar, and I'll tell you somethin'."
+
+"Tell me the something first, and then we'll see about the dollar."
+
+"Don't you go near Blackey's place to-night. They're a goin' to ast you
+if they kin. Blackey's found out as you've got respectable relations as
+wouldn't like to see your name in the papers, and he's goin' to 'ave a
+new lay on. 'Taint no bloomin' error neither. The gal--Tilley,
+don't-cherknow--she'll say, 'I'll walk home with you a bit,' when
+Blackey's out. He meets you, and he says, 'Wot 'cher doin' 'long o' my
+wife? Didn't I trust you at home? I'll expose you.' _She ain't no more
+his wife than I am_, so you look out."
+
+"That's worth a dollar, Patsey. Now sneak you into the stables, and
+don't come near me all night."
+
+I was quite at ease, and became convivial with Blackey and his worthy
+father-in-law. The only thing that worried me was the knowledge that I
+had one note in my watch-pocket besides my loose spending money. Still I
+felt sure of dodging the gang, and I tried to appear innocent as
+possible while the artless Blackey offered me liquor after liquor; and
+he remarked at about ten, "My missus orfen says to me, 'Why don't you
+fetch him home?' she says. If he brings a bottle we'll find our lot, and
+he'll be just as jolly as he is at Billy Devine's. What say to come down
+to-night?"
+
+"All right, only not too late."
+
+At twelve we departed, and I was taken to a row of low cottages, which,
+however, were fairly solid and neat. At first we sat in a kitchen, and I
+was accommodated with a tub for a seat. Our light came from the fire and
+a dull lamp, which only made a reddened twilight in the air. The fat
+woman watched me like a cat, and I fancied that her mouth was like that
+of a carnivorous beast. The sly old man looked on the ground, but his
+stealthy eye--like the eye of a cunning magpie--glittered sometimes as
+he turned it on me. Blackey was most cordial, and soon proposed a song.
+He obliged first, and warbled some ghastly affair which aimed at being
+nautical in sentiment. The chorus contained some observations like
+"Hilley-hiley-Hilley-ho," and it also gave us the information that
+gentleman named Jack would shortly come home from the sea. The thing was
+a silly Cockney travesty of a sailor's song, but we were all pleased
+with it, and it led the way nicely to the girl's ditty, which stated
+that somebody was going sailing, sailing, over the bounding main
+(sailors always mention the sea as the bounding main), and by easy steps
+we got to the fat woman's "Banks of Hallan Worrrtter." We were a jovial
+company: four of us were wondering how they could rob the fifth, and
+that fifth resolved, quite early in this seance, to use his
+knuckle-duster promptly, and to prevent either of the male warblers from
+getting behind him, at any risk. About three o'clock the junior lady
+placed herself on my knee, and her husband approvingly described her as
+a bloomin' baggage. I did not like the special perfume which my friend
+employed for her hair, and I also disliked the evidences which went to
+prove that the bath was not her favourite luxury; but we did not fall
+out, and, after a spell of sprightly song, we all indulged in a dance of
+the most spirited description. Drink was plentiful, and, as I saw I was
+being plied very freely, I pretended to be eager for more. This modified
+the strategy of my friends, for they were reasonably anxious to secure a
+skinful, and they feared lest my powers might prove to be abnormal. Four
+watching like wild beasts! One waiting, and calculating chances! The
+sullen, grey-eyed old man had taken on the aspect of a ferret; the fat
+woman was like that awful wretch who meets the pale girl in Hogarth's
+"Marriage a la Mode;" the bastard gipsy smiled in "leary" fashion, as if
+he were coming up for the second round of a fight, and knew that he had
+it all own way. I pumped up jokes, and my snub-nosed charmer pretended
+to laugh. Ah! what a laugh.
+
+This was the position when Blackey declared that he must go. "Got to
+shunt, old man? You squat still, now, and git through that there lotion.
+I got to go to market, and we ain't no bloomin' moke. I'm on on my
+stand ten o'clock--no later--and that wants doin'. The missus'll fetch
+me some corrfee, and, hear you, put a nip o' that booze in. It warms yer
+liver up. By-by. Mind you stay, now, and no faint hearts. Mother, up
+with your heavy wet, and try suthin' short. I'm off!"
+
+With an ostentatious farewell, the excellent Blackey stumped off, and
+the four remaining revellers became staid.
+
+"'Ard times," said the ferret-faced man; "but we've 'ad _one_ good night
+out on it anyways."
+
+"How do you make your living, may I ask, if that's a fair question,
+mate?" This question was addressed by _me_ to the sly man, and he was
+embarrassed.
+
+"Livin'! 'Taint no livin'. It's lingerin'. Leastways it would be if it
+wasn't for my gell, Tilley, there. 'Er and 'er 'usban' gives us a 'and;
+an' if you've got a bit about you you might 'elp us put our copper to
+rights. Got a thick 'un? I'll pay it back, s'elp me Gord, if the missus
+can start laundryin' agin'."
+
+I saw that this meant "Show us which pocket you keep your money in," so
+I shamelessly said, "I'll put that square in the morning, governor."
+Then some silly small-talk--petty as children's babble, low as the
+cackle of the bar--went on, and I found myself somehow left alone with
+the snub-nosed young person. She was evidently in some trouble, and I
+was the more interested about her in that I chanced to look at a side
+window, and found the fat, carnivorous woman and the down-looking man
+surveying us with interest, under the impression that they were
+invisible.
+
+Now, I have never cared for talking to girls of her class, for I do not
+like them. All talk about soiled doves and the rest is mere nauseous
+twaddle, arising from ignorance. The creatures take to their rackety
+life because they like it, and, though I have met some good and kind
+members of their class, I have observed that the majority are rapacious,
+cruel, and devoid of every human sentiment that does not hinge on hunger
+or vanity. You may treat a man as an equal in spite of his vices, and do
+no harm, but to treat a woman as an equal _because_ of her vices is
+worse than folly. This silly creature proposed to brush my hair. I had
+encouraged her to familiarity, so I did not object to the toilet
+process, but I did most strongly object to sniffing at a bottle which
+she said would "freshen me up amazing." She withdrew the cork, and
+memories of the college laboratory struck at my brain with
+sudden violence on the instant. The unforgettable odour of ethyllic
+chloride caught at my nerves, and I politely rose.
+
+"Pardon me, I must go. It will be daylight in half an hour," I said, for
+I saw that merry Miss Tilley had been ready to supplement Blackey's
+device by a second trick.
+
+"I'll come with you a little way. You're dotty a bit."
+
+I reached the fresh air and quietly said, "No, you mustn't. The men are
+going to factory up by the Fawcett-road, and every second man we meet
+will know us."
+
+Miss Tilley muttered something, but she preserved her smile and only
+said, "I tell my husband as you took care of us."
+
+As I stole through the heavy fog I thought, "Now, what business had I
+there? If my mother had seen that wretched servant girl brushing my hair
+the old lady would have died--I, the child of many prayers, the hope of
+a house, and stumping home on a foggy morning after sitting among the
+scum of earth all night. I mean to be a philosopher, but what a beastly,
+silly school to cultivate political philosophy in! What do I know more
+than I knew before?--that one vulgar girl maintains three vulgar
+criminals, and that all the four will come whining to the workhouse when
+the game is played out and they can rob no one else. They are creatures
+whose vices and idleness and general villany are engendered amid drink.
+They are the foul fungi that fatten on the walls of the public-house;
+that is all. And I have given them more drink only to see them plan a
+robbery. Seventy thousand of them in London? Yes. But supposing a few
+thousands of _us_, instead of being indifferent, instead of 'exploring'
+in my harum-scarum way, go to work and try to give these creatures a
+chance of living human lives? What then? Would Blackey or the girl or
+the wicked old folk have gone to the bar and eaten away their morality
+with alcohol if they had not been driven out by the stinking dulness of
+that kitchen? I don't know. I only know that when this spell is over I
+shall have some corrections to address to the people who stick up
+institutes, and organise charitable funds. I can offer myself as the
+horrid example, if they like, and that should impress them."
+
+Then my musings were checked, for I had to cross a wooden bridge over
+the odious stream that poisoned Teddy, and the fog was like flying
+gruel. Carefully I picked my way over the bridge, and aimed for the
+dark, narrow lane that led towards my abode. I remember thinking, "What
+a place this would be if we were troubled with footpads!" Then came a
+pause. Now you know how sound travels in a fog? I saw two posts standing
+shadowily before me; then the posts appeared to fade away, or to be
+closed up in the brown haze; then I distinctly heard a whisper, "He
+ain't got her with him. You come after me." I was stooping, and peering
+to find out who whispered. Wrench! I grasped at my neck. Crack! A sound
+like the clanking of chains rattled in my head; a flash of many coloured
+flame shot before my eyes; a hundred memories came vividly to me, and I
+thought I was a boy again, and then I remember no more, until some voice
+said, "Feelin' better?"
+
+I was a little sick, and my head was bleeding, but otherwise I had
+suffered no harm, and I could walk. It was as though I had received a
+knock-down blow in a fight, and that does not hurt one for long. But how
+lucky that the water was out of the mill stream! I had been pitched into
+about six inches of water, and a policeman who heard the splash jumped
+over some rails, and cut across a private paddock in time to save me
+from being smothered in the mud. It is now midnight; I have a man with
+me, and I am not quite so vigorous as I could wish, but my head is
+clear, and to-morrow there will only be the criss-cross mass of
+sticking-plaster to tell that I have been felled and robbed. I shall try
+to pay Mr. Blackey out. Meantime the police and public should remember
+that many men in London pick up a living by arranging humorous little
+midnight interviews like that which I went through. Only the
+professionals work on the Thames Embankment, and the "bashed" man,
+instead of going into six inches of mud, never is heard of again till
+his carcass is brought before the coroner.
+
+
+
+
+ONE OF OUR ENTERTAINMENTS.
+
+
+We have lately had "sport" brought to our very doors, and a pretty crew
+offered themselves for my study. In the diseased life of the city many
+odious human types are developed, but none are so horrible as those that
+crop up at sporting gatherings of various sorts. I have never doubted
+the existence of an impartial, beneficent Ruling Power save when I have
+been among the scum of the sporting meetings. At those times I often
+failed to understand why a good God could permit beings to remain on
+earth whose very presence seems at once to insult the pure sky and the
+memory of Christ. If you go away for a few weeks and live among simple
+fishermen or hinds you become proud of your countrymen. On wild nights,
+when the black waves galloped down on our vessel and crashed along our
+decks, I have felt my heart glow as I watched the cool seamen picking
+up their ropes and working deftly on amid the roaring darkness. The
+fishers are sober, splendid men, who face death with never a tremor, and
+toil on usefully day after day. Come away from their broad, sane
+simplicity and courage, and look upon the infamous hounds who are bred
+in the congested regions--you are sickened and depressed.
+
+I notice that the sporting gang talk only of betting, thieving,
+whoremongering, or fighting. With regard to the latter pursuit, their
+views are distinctly peculiar. A sudden, murderous rush in a crowded
+bar, a quick, sly blow, and a run away--that is their notion of a manly
+combat. In the days of the Tipton Slasher two Englishmen would fight
+fairly like bulldogs for an hour at a stretch; no man thought of crowing
+about a chance bit of bloodshed, or even a knock-down, for it was
+understood that the combatants should fight on until one could not rise;
+then they shook hands, and were friends. But the brutes whom I now see
+are transformed Englishmen; they know that a fair upstanding contest
+would not suit them, and their object is to land one cunning blow, then
+to make as much noise as possible so as to attract attention. It is
+cruelly funny to see a gaping blackguard, who has chanced to give
+someone a black eye or a swollen nose, swaggering round like an absurd
+bantam, and posing as a sort of athletic champion. The gang are nearly
+always full of stories about their miserable scrambling fights, and
+anyone might fancy he had got among a regular corps of paladins to hear
+them vapour. One marvellously vile betting person haunts me like a
+disease. The animal has a head like a sea-urchin, his lips are blubbery,
+his tongue is too big for his mouth, and his face is like one that you
+see in a nightmare. The ugly head is stuck on a body which resembles a
+sack of rancid engine grease. This beauty is a fairly representative
+specimen of our bold sportsmen. He is a deft swindler, and I have gazed
+with blank innocence while he rooked some courageous simpleton at
+tossing. The fat, rancid man can do almost as he chooses with a handful
+of coins, and the marvellous celerity with which sovereigns or halfpence
+glide between his podgy fingers is quite fascinating. On the subjects of
+adultery and fighting this object is great, and his foul voice resounds
+greasily amid our meetings of brave sportsmen. He is accompanied by a
+choice selection of gay spirits, and I take leave to say that the
+popular conception of hell is quite barren and poor compared with the
+howling reality that we can show on any day when a little "sport" is to
+the fore. I am tolerant enough, but I do seriously think that there are
+certain assemblies which might be wiped out with advantage to the world
+by means of a judicious distribution of prussic acid.
+
+Among my weaknesses must be numbered a strong fancy for keeping dogs of
+various breeds. When you come to understand the animals you can make
+friends of them, and I have lived in perfect contentment for months at a
+stretch with no company but my terriers. A favourite terrier often goes
+about with me now, and the other day Mr. Landlord said, with insinuating
+softness, "We must have your pup entered for our coursing meeting." It
+mattered little to me one way or the other, so I paid the entrance fee,
+and forgot all about the engagement. Coursing with terriers is a very
+popular "sport" in the south country, and the squat little white-and-tan
+dogs are bred with all the care that used to be bestowed on fine strains
+of greyhounds. I cannot quite see where the sport comes in, but many
+men of all classes enjoy it, and I have no mind to find fault with a
+remarkable institution which has taken fast root in England. All
+coursing is cruel; a hare suffers the extremity of agony from the moment
+when she hears the thud of the dogs' feet until she is whirled round and
+shaken in those deadly jaws. I lay once amongst straggling furze while a
+hare and two greyhounds rushed down towards me. Puss had travelled a
+mile on a Suffolk marsh, and she was failing fast. As she neared me the
+greyhounds made a violent effort, and the foremost one struck just
+opposite my hiding-place. Never in my life have I seen such a picture of
+agony; the poor little beast wrung herself sharp round with a
+scream--such a scream!--and the dog only succeeded in snatching a
+mouthful of fur. He lay down, and the hare hobbled into the cover. I
+could see her tremble. The same sort of torture is inflicted when hares
+are bundled out of an enclosure with the rapidity and precision of
+machinery. There is a wild flurry, an agony of one minute or so, and all
+is over.
+
+The mystery of man's cruelty is inexplicable to me; I feel the mad
+blood pouring hard when the quarry rushes away, and the snaky dogs dash
+from the slips; no thought of pity enters my mind for a time because the
+mysterious wild-man instinct possesses me, and so I suppose that the
+primeval hunter is ignobly represented by the people who go to see
+rabbit coursing. We have been refining and refining, and educating the
+people for a good while; yet our popular sports seems to grow more and
+more cruel. We do not bait bulls now, but we worry hares and rabbits by
+the gross, we massacre scores of pretty pigeons--sweet little birds that
+are slaughtered without a sign of fair play.
+
+Decidedly the Briton likes the savour of blood to mingle with his
+pleasures. A thousand of ordinary men will gather at Gateshead or Hanley
+and howl with delight when two wiry whippets worry a stupefied rabbit.
+They are decent fellows in their way, and they generally have a rigid
+idea of fairness; but they fail to see the unfairness of hooking a
+rabbit out of a sack and setting him to run for his life in an enclosure
+from which he cannot possibly escape. Pastimes that do not involve the
+death of something or the wagering of money are accounted tame. It is
+one of the riddles that make me wish I could not think at all. I give it
+up, for I am only a Loafer, and the dark problems of existence are
+beyond me.
+
+Perhaps they are beyond Mr. Herbert Spencer.
+
+Our ragged regiment met in a wide, quiet field. Nearly all my costers
+were about, and they cried "Wayo!" with cordiality. Half the company on
+the field could not muster threepence in the world; many of them were
+probably hungry; many were far gone in drink; but all were eager for
+"sport." We shall have some talk presently about the bitter ennui of the
+poor man's life. The existence of that deadly ennui never was brought
+before me so vividly as it was when I saw that queer multitude,
+forgetting hunger, cold, poverty, pain--and forgetting because they were
+about to see some rabbits worried!
+
+On a low stand stood a broad pair of scales and an immense hamper. The
+stand was watched by a red-faced merryandrew, who gibbered and yelled in
+a vigorous manner. A funny reprobate is that old person. Every hour of
+his life is given over to the search for excitement; he is never dull;
+he has a cheery word for all whom he meets; he will drink, fight, and
+even make love, with all the ardour of youth. When there is nothing more
+exciting to do, he will drive a trotter for twenty miles at break-neck
+pace. When he dies, his life's work may be easily summed up:--He drank
+so many quarts of ale; he killed so many pigeons and rabbits. Nothing
+more.
+
+My terrier made a ferocious dash at the big hamper, and I knew that our
+victims were there. Presently the dogs began to arrive, and I was amazed
+and amused to see some of the little brutes. They could no more catch a
+rabbit on fair ground than they could pull down a locomotive; but the
+long railway journey, the strange field, and the clamorous mob render
+poor Bunny almost helpless, and he gives up his life only too easily.
+The best of the terriers were beautiful wretches with iron muscles and a
+general air of courageous wickedness. Their bloodthirstiness was
+appalling; they knew exactly what was to happen, and their sharp yells
+of rapture made a din that set my head swimming. Each of them writhed
+and strained at the collar, and I caught myself wondering what the poor
+rabbits thought (can they think?) as they heard the wild chiming of
+that demon pack. In the country, when a dog gives tongue Bunny sits up
+and twirls his ears uneasily; then, even if the bark is heard from afar
+off, the little brown beast darts underground. Alas! there is no
+friendly burrow in this bleak field, and there is no chance of escape;
+for the merry roughs will soon finish any rabbit that shows the dogs a
+clean pair of heels.
+
+The ceremony of weighing was completed in a dignified way, and the first
+brace of dogs went to the slipper. One was a sprightly smooth terrier,
+with a long, richly-marked head; he was quivering with anticipation, and
+his demeanour offered a marked contrast to that of the dour, composed
+brute pitted against him. The rabbit was lifted out of the hamper by one
+of those greasy nondescript males, who are always to be seen when pigeon
+shooting or coursing is going on. The greasy being held the rabbit by
+the ears, and put it temptingly near the dogs. The sprightly terrier
+went clean demented; the sullen one stood with thoughtful earnestness
+waiting for a chance to catch the start. When the rabbit was put down it
+cowered low and seemed trying to shrink into the ground; its ears were
+pressed hard back, its head was pressed closely to the grass, and it was
+huddled in an ecstasy of terror. Of course that is quite usual, but we
+practical sportsmen cannot waste time over the sentimental terrors of a
+rabbit. The greasy man uttered a howl, and Bunny started up, ran in a
+circle, and then set off for the fence. I was struck by the animal's
+mode of running. For hours I have watched them feeding, at early morning
+or sundown, and I have noticed that as they shifted from place to place
+they moved with a slow kind of hop, gathering their hind legs under them
+at each stride. When Bunny is on his own ground he is one of the fastest
+of four-footed things. He lays himself down to the ground, and travels
+at such a terrific pace for about forty yards that he looks like a mere
+streak on the ground. I never yet saw a terrier that could turn a rabbit
+unless Bunny was imprudent enough to wander more than one hundred yards
+from home. But this wretched brute in our field was moving at the pace
+proper to feeding time, and, judging by its deliberate sluggishness, it
+seemed to be inviting death. When the short pitter-patter of the
+terriers' feet sounded on the grass, Bunny made a clumsy attempt to
+quicken his pace; the leading dog plunged at him, and by a convulsive
+effort the rabbit managed to swirl round and get clear. Then the second
+dog shot in; then came one or two quick, nervous jerks from side to
+side; then the beaten creature faltered, and was instantly seized and
+swung into the air. A good wild rabbit would have been half-way across
+the next field, but that unhappy invalid had no chance.
+
+The other courses were of much the same character, for the rabbit, being
+used to run on a beaten path, has not the resource and dexterity of the
+hare. One strong specimen distanced the pair of tiny weeds that were set
+after him, but the pack of roughs were whooping at the border of the
+field, and the doomed rabbit was soon clutched and pocketed.
+
+The betting was furious; a few hard-faced, well-dressed men did their
+wagering quietly and to heavy amounts, but the mob yelled and squabbled
+and cursed after their usual manner, and they were all ready to drink
+when we returned. This is a fair description of rabbit coursing, and I
+leave influential persons to decide as to whether or no it is a useful
+or improving form of entertainment. I have my doubts, but must be
+severely impartial. I will say this, however, that if any one of us had
+spent the afternoon over a good novel, or something of that kind, he
+would have been taken out of himself, and, when he rose, his mind would
+have been filled with quiet and gracious thoughts. Our gang were
+suffering from a form of the lust for blood; they were thirsty, and they
+were possessed by that species of excitement which makes a man ready to
+turn savage on any, or no, provocation.
+
+The bar was like the place of damned souls until eight o'clock:
+everybody roared at the top of his voice; nobody listened to anybody
+else, and everybody drank more or less feverishly. We had a supper to
+celebrate the destruction of the rabbits, and afterwards the truculent
+gentlemen, who had bellowed so vigorously in the field, sang sentimental
+songs about "Mother, dear mother," "Stay with me, my darling, stay," or
+patriotic songs referring to an article of drapery known as "The Flag of
+Old Hengland."
+
+For half-an-hour our intricate choruses resounded as we went in groups
+deviously homeward, and a few members of our sporting flock dotted the
+paths at wide intervals.
+
+That kind of thing goes on all over the country in the winter time. It
+is not for me to preach, but I must say that it seems to be a barren
+kind of game. Can any man of the crowd think kindly or clearly about any
+subject under the sun? I fancy not. My own real idea of the character of
+the various mobs that see the rabbits die is such that I could not
+venture to frame it in words. The sport is so mean, so trivial, so
+purposeless, that I should go a long way to avoid seeing it now that I
+know the subject well.
+
+And that unspeakably atrocious pettiness forms the only relaxation of a
+very considerable number of Englishmen. If any member of a corporation
+were to propose that a great hall should be opened free, and that good
+music should be provided at the expense of the community, I suppose
+there would be a deal of grumbling; but I am ready to prove that
+expenses indirectly caused by our mad "sporting" would more than cover
+the cost of a rational spell of pleasure.
+
+Honourable gentlemen and worthy aldermen are allowing a great mass of
+people to remain in a brutalised condition; those people only derive
+pleasure from the suffering of dumb creatures.
+
+How will it be if the callous crew take it into their heads at some or
+other to show restiveness? Will they deal gently or thoughtfully with
+those against whom their enmity is turned? Certainly their education by
+no means tends to foster gentleness and thoughtfulness. If I were a
+statesman instead of a Loafer, I reckon I should try might and main to
+humanise those neglected folk--and they _are_ neglected--before they
+teach some of us a terrific lesson.
+
+I see that one "Walter Besant" has some capital notions concerning the
+subject which I have ventured to touch on. If he were a rough--as I am
+during much of my time--he would be able to talk more to the purpose.
+Still, I deliberately say that that novelist, who is often treated as a
+moony creature, is a very wise and practical statesman, and he has used
+his opportunities well. If powerful people do not very soon pay heed to
+his message, they will have reason for regret.
+
+The worst of it is that one is constantly being forced to wonder whether
+culture is of any use. For instance, on the day after the coursing, I
+fell in with a smart lad who loafs about race meetings, and who
+sometimes visits the landlord's parlour at the Chequers. He has been a
+year out of Oxford, and he is rather a pretty hand at classics; yet he
+tries to look and talk like a jockey, and his mother has to keep him
+because he won't do any work. A shrewd little thing he is, and this is
+how we talked:--
+
+"Shall I drive you over to the meeting to-morrow?"
+
+"If you like."
+
+"We can do a bit together if you'll dress yourself decently. Barrett
+says there's a new hunter coming out. It could win the Cesarewitch with
+8st. 4lb., but they mean keeping his hunter's certificate. Put a bit
+on."
+
+"Wait till we see."
+
+"Lord! If I could get the mater to part--only a pony--I'd buy a satchel
+and start bookmaking in the half-crown ring myself. It's Tom Tiddler's
+ground if you've got a nut on you."
+
+"Queer work for a 'Varsity man?"
+
+"Deed sight better than bear-leading, or going usher in a school. Fun!
+Change! Fly about! What more do you want?"
+
+"Do you like to hear the ring curse? Dick and Alf often make me
+goose-skinned."
+
+"What matter, so you cop the ready?"
+
+"Do you read now?"
+
+"Not such a Juggins. I think my Oxford time was all wasted. Of course, I
+liked to hear Jowett palaver, and it was quiet and nice enough; but give
+me life. Bet all day; dinner at the Rainbow, Pav., or Trocadero, and
+Globe to finish up. That's life!"
+
+If anyone had chances this youth had them, and now his ambition is to
+bet half-crowns with the riddlings of Creation. This universe is getting
+to be a little too much for me. Come down, pipe; I shall go in the
+Chequers parlour to-night, and play the settled citizen.
+
+
+
+
+MERRY JERRY AND HIS FRIENDS.
+
+
+I never saw such a cheerful face as Jerry's. Master Blackey can smile
+and smile; he can smile on me even now, though I know almost to a
+certainty that it was he who left that discoloured ring round my throat
+not long ago. But Blackey can scowl also, whereas Jerry never ceases to
+look benignant and jolly. He is a fine young fellow is Jerry, six feet
+high, straight as a lance, ruddy, clear-skinned, and with the bluest,
+brightest eye you can see. When he walks he is upright and stately as
+the best of Guardsmen, without any military stiffness; when he spars he
+is active as a leopard, and his mode of landing with his left is at once
+terrible and artistic. Sometimes he drinks a little too much, and then
+his sweet smile becomes fatuous, but he never is unpleasant. The girls
+from the factory admire him sincerely; they call him Merry Jerry, and
+he accepts their homage with serenity. He never takes the trouble to
+show any deference towards his admirers; their amorous glances and
+giggling are inevitable tributes to his fascinations, and he takes it
+all as a matter of course. Like Blackey and the Ramper, Jerry never does
+any work, and he is supposed to have private means. His speech is quite
+correct, and even elegant, and although he does not converse on exalted
+topics, he is a singularly pleasant companion in his way. Most of his
+talk is about horse-racing, and he never reads anything but the sporting
+papers. In that taste he resembles most of those who go to The Chequers.
+The wrangling, the cursing, the whispered confidences that make up the
+nightly volume of noise nearly all have reference to racing subjects.
+The raggedest wretch at the bar puts on horsey airs when any great race
+is to be decided; he may not know a horse from a mule, but he invariably
+volunteers his opinion, and if he can raise a shilling he backs his
+fancy. Polite gentlemen in Parliament and elsewhere do not appear to
+know that there are something like one million British adults whose
+chief interest in life (apart from their necessary daily work) is
+centred on racing. I think I know almost every town in England, and I
+never yet in all my wanderings settled at an inn without finding that
+betting of some sort or other formed the main subject of conversation.
+Hundreds of times--literally hundreds--I have known whole evenings
+devoted to discussing the odds. The gamblers were usually men who did
+not care to see horses gallop; they chatted about names, and that
+satisfied them. A clerk, a mechanic, a tradesman, a traveller, a
+publican asks his friend what he has done over such and such a race,
+just as he asks after the friend's health. It is taken for granted that
+everybody bets, and really intelligent fellows will stare at you in
+astonishment if you say that you are not interested in the result of a
+race. If I chose to make a book--only dealing in small sums--I could
+contrive to win a fair amount every week by merely "betting to figures."
+The bookmaker does not need to visit a racecourse; he is required to
+work out a sort of algebraical problem on each race, and, by exercising
+a little shrewdness, he may leave himself a small balance on every
+event. Small sums in silver are always forthcoming to almost any
+extent, and a clever man who has no more than L100 capital to start with
+may pitch his tent almost anywhere, and make sure of getting plenty of
+custom. People speak of the Italians as gamblers, but in Italy gambling
+is not nearly so prevalent as in England. In Manchester alone one
+sporting journal has a morning and evening edition, and there are daily
+papers in most of the large Yorkshire towns. In the North-country I have
+often watched the workmen during the breakfast half-hour, and found that
+they did not care a rush for anything in the paper save the sporting
+news. In London two great journals are published daily, and twice a week
+each of them issues a double number. Every line of these papers is
+devoted to sport, and each of them is a rich estate to the proprietor.
+
+The mania for betting grows more acute every day, the number of wealthy
+bookmakers increases, and the national demoralisation has reached a
+depth which would seem inconceivable to anyone who has not lived with
+all sorts and conditions of men. A racing man is apt to become incapable
+of concentrating his mind on anything except his one pursuit. Hundreds
+of thoughtful and cultured people race a little and bet a little by way
+of relaxation; but these take no harm. It is the ignorant, ill-balanced
+folk, without higher interests, who suffer.
+
+Well-meaning persons spend money on respectable institutes for working
+men, but the men do not care for staid, dull proceedings after their
+work is over; they want excitement. A moderately heavy bet supplies them
+with a topic for conversation; it gives them all the keen pleasures of
+anticipation as the day of the race draws near, and when they open the
+paper to see the final result they are thrilled just as a gambler is
+thrilled when he throws the dice. No wonder that the mild and moral
+places of recreation are left empty; no wonder that the public-houses
+are well filled. If I were asked to name two things which interest the
+English nation to the supreme degree, I should say--first, Sport;
+second, Drink. If the strongest Ministry that ever took office attempted
+to make betting a criminal offence, they would be turned out in a month.
+Betting is now not a casual amusement, but a serious national pursuit.
+The perfect honesty with which payments are made by agents is amazing.
+A man who bets on commission for others may have L100,000 to lay out on
+a race; every farthing is accounted for, and dishonesty among the higher
+grades of the betting brotherhood is practically unknown. It is this
+rigid observance of the point of honour that tempts people like our gang
+in The Chequers bar to risk their shillings; they know that if they make
+a right guess their payment is safe. The statesman who called the turf
+"a vast instrument of national demoralization" was quite right, and if
+he could have lived to take a tour round the country in this year of
+grace he would have seen the flower of his nation given over to mean
+frivolity.
+
+Jerry has tutored me in racing matters. He has not a thought that is not
+derived from the columns of the sporting prints, and his life is passed
+mainly in searching like a staunch terrier for "certainties." When he is
+disposed to be communicative, he soon gathers quite an audience in The
+Chequers, and should he drop a phrase like "George Robinson said to me,
+'I've made my own book for Highflyer,'" or "Charley White, the Duke's
+Motto, wouldn't lay Mountebank any more," the awe-stricken costers
+stare. Here is a man, a regular toff, and no error--a man who knows
+such Ringmen as Robinson and White--and yet he will speak to ordinary
+coves without exhibiting the least pride!
+
+Jerry has taken me round to the best haunts where gallant sportsmen
+assemble, and for some mysterious reason, his escort has secured for me
+the most flattering deference. Queer holes he knows by the score. I
+thought I had seen most things; but I find I am a babe compared with
+Jerry. He once said to me, "Would you like to see a couple of lads
+set-to? Real good 'uns." I had seen a great number of encounters; but my
+two pounds handed over to Jerry procured me a sight of a battle which
+was the most desperate affair I ever witnessed. But for the close,
+oppressive atmosphere of the room where the fight took place, the whole
+business would have been interesting. The spectators were well dressed
+and well behaved, the boxers were beautiful athletes, and there was
+nothing repulsive about the swift exchange of lightning blows until the
+baking heat began to tell on the men; then it was disagreeable to see
+two gallant fellows panting and labouring for breath. We often hear
+that boxing is discredited. Rubbish! Ask Jerry about that, and you will
+learn that any company of men who care to subscribe L25 may see a combat
+wherein science, courage, and endurance are all displayed lavishly.
+
+Jerry was much interested in dog fighting, which latter pleasing pastime
+is enjoyed quite freely in London to an extent that would amaze the
+gentlemen who rejoice over the decline of brutality in Britain.
+
+The competitive instinct which once found vent in fighting and conquest
+now works on other lines. The Englishman must be engaged in a contest,
+or he is unhappy, and, since he cannot now compete sword to sword with
+his fellow-creatures, he fights purse to purse instead. All these things
+I knew in a vague way, but Jerry has made my knowledge definite and
+secure.
+
+As for the man himself, I soon found that his "private means" were taken
+in various ways from other people's pockets. During a chat, he said,
+"You know you're not what you pretend to be. You hang about there, and
+you bet, but you never bet enough to make anything at it. You must have
+the coins, for I've seen you spend a quid in two hours in the
+skittle-alley. But you don't seem to best anybody. What _is_ your game?
+You may as well tell me."
+
+"I amuse myself in my own way, and I don't care to let the school know
+much about me."
+
+"Well, my game's very simple. Only a juggins or a horse ever works, and
+I don't intend to do any. It's just as easy to be idle as not. You take
+the fellows in town that make their living after dark, and you always
+see them having good times. There's some red-hot ones up--you know
+where--in Piccadilly; they never get about till close on dinner time,
+but they make up for lost time when they _are_ about. I should like to
+work with you. If you were to come out a bit flash like me, why, with
+your looks and your talk and that _educated_ kind of way you've got, you
+might coin money."
+
+"But you wouldn't care to work the Embankment and run the risk of the
+cat, as those Piccadilly chaps do?"
+
+"No fear. But you could do better than that. When you're boozed you're
+not in it--you lose your head; but when you're right you make fellows
+wonder what you are. Sink me! A flat would pal on to you in half an hour
+if you coaxed him, as you can do it."
+
+Jerry is an amusing philosopher, who could only have been developed in
+the rottenness of a decadence. Fancy an able-bodied, attractive fellow
+living with ease from day to day without doing a stroke of honest
+labour. He keeps clear of the police; he gratifies every want, yet he
+has the intellect of a flash potman and the manners of a valet. The
+tribe swarm in this city, and I reckon that they will teach us something
+when the overturn comes. They are strong and cunning predatory animals,
+who will direct weak and stupid predatory animals, and when the entire
+predatory tribe smash the flimsy bonds with which society holds them in
+check for the present, then stand by for ugly times.
+
+I hate the revolver, but I am glad that I took to carrying one in time.
+Jerry and I grew so intimate, and I saw so much of his inner mind, that
+I judged it better to make no midnight excursions in his company without
+being ready for accidents. He is most humorous when he has wine in him,
+and his humour is a shade too grim for my taste.
+
+We came home lately in a cab, after seeing a pretty little light-weight
+from Birmingham receive a severe dressing at the hands of a pocket
+Hercules from Bethnal Green. Jerry was in wild spirits, and his usual
+charming smile had broadened into a grin. Nothing would suit him but
+that I should go to his rooms.
+
+"My aunt keeps house for me, and she's sure to be up, and my sister's
+there as well."
+
+The notion of Jerry's dwelling calmly with his aunt and his sister was
+very touching, and my curiosity was roused. The aunt turned out to be a
+placid woman with a low voice; the sister was too florid and loud for my
+fancy. We played at whist, and in the intervals between the games we
+tested Jerry's wine. He has a singularly good selection. The florid
+nymph was reserved and coy at first, but as the wine mounted she rather
+astonished me by her choice of expletives. The merry one had become
+business-like, and that sweet smile was gone. As I looked at him I
+gradually understood that I had once more made a fool of myself, and I
+vowed that if I got out safely I would go to The Chequers no more.
+Over-confidence is a bad fault in a prize-fighter: it is worse than that
+in the case of a man who wishes to hold his own among London sharps.
+Blackey had the best of me, and now I was in for a much worse business,
+Jerry the Amiable drank ostentatiously, and he was evidently priming
+himself; the sister waxed effusive, and the aunt took care that the
+points were steadily increased. In the early morning the Amiable
+suggested that I should stay, but I would not have slept under the same
+roof with him for gold. He then ordered his relatives off to bed, and
+they slunk away rather like dogs than ladies. Jerry was a masterful man.
+When all was quiet I rose to take my hat, whereupon Jerry remarked,
+"You're not going that way, are you?"
+
+"Must go home before it's too light."
+
+"You'll have another drink?"
+
+"No."
+
+"But you will!"
+
+The Amiable was really extremely exacting.
+
+"Thanks. Good morning."
+
+Jerry locked the door, and put his back to it. Then he softly said,
+"You've come home and taken my liquor; you flirt with my sister, and
+you're going away without leaving so much as a bit of gold. I'm not such
+a fool as Blackey. I know your aunt. I can send a newspaper to her
+address, and cook _your_ goose. Suppose I make a row. I can do that, and
+we'll both be taken up for brawling outside a house of ill-fame. It
+won't matter to me; I'm used to it. But you'll be spoofed. Now, share up
+with an old pal, and I'll keep dark."
+
+I had contrived to edge away from him, and I had time to produce the
+detestable firearm in a leisurely way.
+
+"You're very kind, Jerry, my lad. I'll stay at this side of the room,
+and I shan't fire so long as you keep still. If you try to strike or put
+your hand in your pocket I shall pull on you; If you care to raise your
+arms over your head and move to the right-hand corner of the room I'll
+go quietly."
+
+Jerry reckoned up all the chances and finally edged away from the door.
+
+"Hands up, Jerry."
+
+He obeyed, and I escaped into the street. Jerry is a coward at bottom,
+or he might have known that I dare not fire.
+
+He met me the very next day, and he wore the usual free, gay smile. He
+held out his hand and flashed his teeth: "Forget that nonsense last
+night, old pal. When the booze is in--you know the rest. I was only
+having a lark. What'll you have? We shall be glad to see you round
+again."
+
+But Mr. Landlord had dropped a word to me only half an hour before. Said
+Mr. Landlord, in answer to a little careless pumping, "Oh, Jerry? Well,
+it ain't no business of mine, but if it wasn't for the girls he'd have
+mighty few flash top-coats, nor beefsteaks neither for that matter."
+
+Alas! Jerry, the smiling, delightful youth, is one of those odious pests
+who hang about in sporting company, and who are contemned and shunned by
+respectable racing men. Said a grave turfite to me last week, "Call
+_those_ sportsmen! I'd--I'd--" but he could not invent a doom horrid
+enough for them, so he changed the subject with a mighty snort.
+
+There is no knowing what gentlemen like Jerry will do. To call them
+scoundrels is to flatter them: they are brigands, and the knifing,
+lounging rascals of Sicily and Calabria are mere children in villany
+compared with their English imitators. Places like The Chequers are the
+hunting-grounds of creatures like Jerry, and the bait of drink draws the
+victims thither ready to be sacrificed. A month ago four of Jerry's gang
+most heartlessly robbed a publican who had sold his business. He had the
+purchase-money in his pocket, and the fellows drugged him. He ought to
+have known better, seeing how often he had watched the brigands
+operating on other people; but as he lost L700, and as his assailants
+are still at large with their shares of the spoil, we must not reproach
+him or add to his misery.
+
+I picked out Jerry for portraiture because he is a fairly typical
+specimen of a bad--a very bad--set. When the history of our decline and
+fall comes to be Written by some Australian Gibbon, the historian may
+choose the British bully and turfite to set alongside of the awful
+creatures who preyed on the rich fools of wicked old Rome.
+
+
+
+
+THE GENTLEMAN, THE DOCTOR, AND DICKY.
+
+
+We have had enough of the roughs for a time, and I want now to deal with
+a few of the wrecks that I see--wrecks that started their voyage with
+every promise of prosperity. Let no young fellow who reads what follows
+fancy that he is safe. He may be laborious; an unguarded moment after a
+spell of severe work may see him take the first step to ruin. He may be
+brilliant: his brilliancy of intellect, by causing him to be courted,
+may lead him into idleness, and idleness is the bed whereon parasitic
+vices flourish rankly. Take warning.
+
+I was invited to go for a drive, but I had letters to write, and said
+so. A quiet old man who was sitting in the darkest corner of the bar
+spoke to me softly, "If your letters are merely about ordinary
+business, you may dictate them to me here, and I will transcribe them
+and send them off." I replied that I could do them as quickly myself.
+The old man smiled. "You do not send letters in shorthand. I can take a
+hundred and forty words a minute, and you can do your correspondence and
+go away." The oddity of the proposal attracted me. I agreed to dictate.
+The old man took out his notebook, and in ten minutes the work was done.
+We came back in an hour, and by that time each letter was transcribed in
+a beautiful, delicate longhand. I handed the scribe a shilling, and he
+was satisfied. The Gentleman, as we called him, writes letters for
+anyone who can spare him a glass of liquor or a few coppers; but I had
+never tested his skill before. There was no one in the bar, so I sat
+down beside the old man, and we talked.
+
+"You seem wonderfully clever at shorthand. I am surprised that you
+haven't permanent work."
+
+"It would do me little good. I can go on for a long time, but when my
+fit comes on me I am not long in losing any job. They won't have me,
+friend--they won't have me."
+
+"You've been well employed, then, in your time?"
+
+"No one better. If I had command of myself, I might have done as well in
+my way as my brother has in his. I could beat him once, and I was quite
+as industrious as he was; but, when I came to the crossroads, I took the
+wrong turning, and here I am."
+
+"May I ask how your brother succeeded? I mean--what is he?"
+
+"He is Chief Justice ----."
+
+I found that this was quite true; indeed, the Gentleman was one of the
+most veracious men I have known.
+
+"Does your brother know how you are faring?"
+
+"He did know, but I never trouble him. He was a good fellow to me, and I
+have never worried him for years. I prefer to be dead to the world. I
+have haunted this place, as you know, for six months; to-morrow I may
+make a change, and live in another sty."
+
+"But surely you could get chance work that would keep you in decent
+clothes and food."
+
+"I do get many chance jobs; but if the money amounts to much I am apt to
+be taken up as drunk and incapable."
+
+The sweet, quiet smile which accompanied this amazing statement was
+touching. The old man had a fine, thoughtful face, and only a slight
+bulbousness of the nose gave sign of his failing. Properly dressed, he
+would have looked like a professor, or doctor, or something of that
+kind. As it was, his air of good breeding and culture quite accounted
+for the name the people gave him. I should have found it impossible to
+imagine him in a police-cell had I not been a midnight wanderer for
+long.
+
+"How did you come to learn shorthand?"
+
+"My father was a solicitor in large practice, and I found I could assist
+him with the confidential correspondence, so I took lessons in White's
+system for a year. My father said I was his right hand. Ah! He gave me
+ten pounds and two days' holiday at Brighton when I took down his first
+letter."
+
+"Have you been a solicitor?"
+
+"No. I had an idea of putting my name down at one of the Inns, but I
+went wrong before anything came of the affair."
+
+"You say you have had good employment. But how did you contrive to
+separate from your father?"
+
+"Oh! I wore out his patience. I was so successful that I thought it safe
+to toast my success. We were in a south-country town--Sussex, you
+know--and I began by hanging about the hotel in the market-place. Then I
+played cards at night with some of the fast hands, and was useless and
+shaky in the mornings. Then I began to have periodical fits of
+drunkenness; then I became quite untrustworthy, and last of all I robbed
+my father during a bad fit, and we parted."
+
+"And then?"
+
+"I picked up odd jobs for newspapers, or sponged on my brother. At last
+I was sent to the House as reporter, and did very well until one night
+when Palmerston was expected to make an important speech. My turn came,
+and I was blind and helpless. Since then I have been in place after
+place, but the end was always the same, and I have learned that I am a
+hopeless, worthless wretch."
+
+"But couldn't your brother, for his own credit's sake, keep you in his
+house and put you under treatment?"
+
+"My good friend, I should die under it. I revel in degradation. I
+luxuriate in self-contempt. My time is short, and I want to pass it away
+speedily. This life suits me, for I seldom have my senses, and there is
+only the early morning to dread. I think then--think, think, think.
+Until I can scrape together my first liquor I see ugly things. I should
+be in my own town with my grandchildren round me. I might have been on
+the Bench, like my brother, and all men would have respected me as they
+do him. Sons and daughters would have gathered round me when I came to
+my last hour. I gave it all up in order to sluice my throat with brandy
+and gin. That is the way I think in the morning. Then I take a glass, or
+beg one, as I shall from you presently, and then I forget. Once I went
+out to commit suicide, and took three whiskies to string my nerve up. In
+two minutes I was laughing at a Punch and Judy show. If you'll kindly
+order a quartern of gin in a pint glass for me, I'll fill it up and be
+quite content all the evening. No one ill-uses me. I'm a soft, harmless,
+disreputable old ne'er-do-well. That is all."
+
+We drank, and then the Gentleman said, "You come here a good deal too
+much. Your hand was not quite right yesterday morning. Usually you keep
+right, and I really don't know how far you are touched. If I had your
+youth and your appearance, I think I should save myself in time by a
+bold step. Join the temperance people and work publicly; then you are
+committed, and you can't step back."
+
+"But you don't think that I am likely to go to the dogs? I loaf around
+here because I have no ambition, and my life was settled for me; but I
+have command over myself."
+
+"You _had_ command over yourself, you mean. I think you are in great
+danger--very great indeed. My good friend, there are _no_ exceptions.
+Meet me to-night, or say to-morrow, as I am to be drunk to-night; go to
+the beer-house at the end of my street, and I'll show you something."
+
+Just then the Ramper came up and hailed the Gentleman. "Here you old
+swine! Are you sober enough to scratch off a letter?"
+
+"I'm all right."
+
+"Well, then, write to the usual, and tell him to put me on half-a-quid
+Sunshine, and half-a-quid Dartmoor a shop--s.p. both."
+
+Thus our conversation was stopped, and the brother of a judge earned
+twopence by writing a letter for a racecourse thief.
+
+Next night I went to a very shady public-house, and the Gentleman led me
+into a dirty room, where a little old man was sitting alone. The man was
+crooked, wizened, weak, and his bare toes stuck out of both shoes; his
+half-rotten frock coat gaped at the breast and showed that he had no
+shirt on; his hat must have been picked up from a dustheap, for it was
+filthy, and broken in three or four places.
+
+"For mercy's sake, give me a mouthful of something!" said this object,
+turning the face of a mummy towards me. His dim eyes were rheumy, and
+his chin trembled. An awful sight!
+
+In a flash I remembered him, and cried, "What, Doctor!"
+
+He said, "I don't know you; my memory's gone. Send for twopenn'orth or a
+penn'orth of beer. Pray do."
+
+My young friends, that man who begged for a pennyworth of muddy ale was
+first of all a brilliant soldier, then a brilliant lawyer, then a
+brilliant historian. His doctor's degree--he was Doctor of Laws--was
+gained by fair hard work. Think of that, and then look at my picture of
+the sodden, filthy scarecrow! Yes; that man began my education, and had
+I only gone straight on I should not be loafing about The Chequers. You
+ask how he could have anything to do with my education? Well, long ago I
+was a little bookworm, living in a lonely country house, and I had the
+run of some good shelves. I was only nine years old, but a huge history
+in two volumes attracted me most. I read and read that book until I
+could repeat whole pages easily, and even now I can go off at score if
+you give me a start.
+
+The Scarecrow wrote that history!
+
+Years afterwards I was fighting my way in London, and had charge of a
+journal which made a name in its day. Sometimes I had to deal with a
+message from a Minister of State, sometimes with a petition from a
+starving penny-a-liner. One day a little man was shown into my room,
+which room was instantly scented with whisky. He was well introduced,
+and I said, "Are you the Doctor ---- who wrote the 'History of ----'?"
+
+"I am, sir, and proud I shall be to write for you."
+
+"What can you do?"
+
+"Here's a specimen."
+
+The MS. was a bundle of bills from a public-house, and the blank side
+was utilised. The Doctor never wasted money on paper when he could avoid
+it. The stuff was feeble, involved, useless. My face must have fallen,
+for the piteous Scarecrow said, "I have not your approval."
+
+"We cannot use this."
+
+Bending forward and clasping his hands, he said, "Could you not give me
+two shillings for it? There are two columns good. A shilling a column;
+surely that can't hurt you."
+
+"I'll give you two shillings, and you can come back again if you are
+needy, but the MS. is of no use to us."
+
+He took the money, and returned again and again for more. I found that
+he used to put fourpence in one pocket to meet the expense of his
+lodging-house bed, and he bought ten two-pennyworths of gin with the
+rest of the money. He always asked for two shillings, and always got
+it. I was not responsible for his mode of spending it.
+
+And now the Doctor had turned up in the region of The Chequers. He was
+piteously, doggishly thankful for his drink, and he cried as he bleated
+out his prayers for my good health. Men cry readily when they come to be
+in the Doctor's condition. I asked him to take some soup. "I'm no great
+eater," he said; "but I'd like just one more with you--only one."
+
+"Where do you lodge, Doctor?"
+
+"To tell you the truth, I'm forced to put up with a berth in the old
+fowl-house at the bottom of the garden here. They let me stay there, but
+'tis cold--cold."
+
+"Do you work at all now?"
+
+"Sometimes. But there is little doing--very little."
+
+"How did you come to cease practising at the Bar, Doctor?"
+
+"How do I come to be here? 'Tis the old thing--the old thing--and has
+been all along."
+
+This poor wretch could not be allowed to go about half-naked, so I let
+the potman run out and get him a slop suit. (The Doctor sold the
+clothes next day for half-a-crown, and was speechless when I went to see
+him.) A hopeless, helpless wretch was the Doctor--the most hopeless I
+ever knew. He entered the army, early in life, and for a time he was
+petted and courted in Dublin society. The man was handsome,
+accomplished, and brilliantly clever, and success seemed to follow him.
+He sold out of the army and went to the Bar, where he succeeded during
+many years. No one could have lived a happier, fuller, or more fruitful
+life than he did before he slid into loose habits. His only pastime was
+the pursuit of literature, and he finished his big history of a certain
+great war while he was in full practice at the Chancery Bar. Power
+seemed to reside in him; fortune poured gifts on him; and he lost all.
+In an incredibly short space of time he drank away his practice, his
+reputation, his hopes of high honour, his last penny.
+
+Thus it was that my historian came to beg of me for that muddy
+penn'orth.
+
+I may as well finish the Doctor's story. If I were writing fiction the
+tale would be scouted as improbable, yet I am going to state plain
+facts. A firm of lawyers hunted up the Doctor, and informed him that he
+had succeeded to the sum of L30,000. There was no mistake about the
+matter; the long years of vile degradation, the rags, the squalor, the
+scorn, of men were all to disappear. The solicitors dressed the Doctor
+properly and advanced him money; he set off for Ireland to make some
+necessary arrangements, and he solemnly swore that he would become a
+total abstainer. At Swindon he chose to break his journey, took to
+drinking, and kept on for many hours. It was long since he had had such
+a chance of unlimited drink, and he greedily seized it. When he went to
+bed he took a bottle with him, and in the morning he was dead.
+Suffocated by alcohol, they said. He had no living soul related to him,
+and I believe his money went to the Crown.
+
+I have written this last fragment on separate sheets, and my journal is
+interleaved for the first time.
+
+The Gentleman and I became very friendly. I never tried to keep him from
+drinking: it was useless. When he was sober his company was pleasant,
+and I was very sorry when he mysteriously migrated, and many of our crew
+missed his help badly.
+
+Some time after the Gentleman's flight, I was in a common lodging-house
+in Holborn, and in the kitchen I met a delightful vagabond of a
+Frenchman with whom I had a long talk. He happened to say, "One of our
+old friends died last week. He was a good man, and very well bred.
+Figure it to yourself, he was brother of one of your judges!" Then I
+knew that the Gentleman had gone. I wish I could have seen him again. As
+I look back at the old leaves of my journal I seem to see that sweet,
+patient smile which he wore as he told the story of his fall. There are
+some things almost too sad to bear thinking about. This is one.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Our friend Dicky had a bad misfortune lately. I should say that Dicky is
+an oldish man, who drifted into this ugly quarter some time ago, and
+took his place in the parlour, which is a room that I now prefer to the
+bar. I was holding a friendly discussion with a butcher when a strident
+voice said, "You are absolutely and irredeemably ignorant of the
+rudiments of your subject." I started. Where had I heard that voice
+before? The man was clad in an old shooting-jacket; his trousers were
+out at the knee, and his linen was very dirty; yet there was a something
+about him--a kind of distinction--which was impressive. After launching
+his expression of contempt at us, he buried his face in his pot and took
+a mighty drink. Slowly my memory aided me, and under that knobby,
+pustuled skin I traced the features of Dicky Nash, the most dreaded
+political journalist of my time. Often I had heard that voice roaring
+blasphemies with a vigour that no other man could equal; often had I
+seen that sturdy form extended beside the editorial chair, while the
+fumes in the office told tales as to the cause of the fall. And now here
+was Dicky--ragged, dirty, and evidently down on his luck. I soon made
+friends with him by owning his superior authority, and he kindly took a
+quart of ale at my expense. This was a man who used to earn L2,000 a
+year after he resigned his University fellowship. He was the friend and
+adviser of statesmen; he might have ended as a Cabinet Minister, for no
+man ever succeeded in gauging the extent of his miraculous ability; he
+seemed to be the most powerful, as well as the most dreaded man in
+England. Woe is me! We had to carry him up to bed; and he stayed on
+until he spent a three-guinea cheque, which Mr. Landlord cashed for him.
+
+I knew no good would come of his Fleet-street games, though he used to
+laugh things off himself. He would come in about seven in the evening,
+and seat himself at his table. Then he would hiccup, "Can't write
+politics; no good. Give us a nice light subject."
+
+"Try an article on the country at this season of the year."
+
+"Good. I can't hold the damned pen. You sit down, I'll dictate: In this
+refulgent season, when the barred clouds bloom the soft dying day, it is
+pleasant to wander by the purple hedgerows where the stars of the (What
+damned flower is it that twinkles now? What do you say? Ragged Robin?
+Not poetic enough. Clematis? That'll do. Damn it, ride on!)--the stars
+of the clematis modestly twinkle, and the trailing--(What the h---- is
+it that trails? Honeysuckle? Good. Weigh in!)--trailing honeysuckle
+flings down that rich scent that falls like sweet music on the
+nerves.'"
+
+And so on. He managed in this way to turn out the regulation column of
+flummery, but I knew it could not last. And now he had come to be a sot
+and an outcast. Worse has befallen him. He screwed up his nerve to write
+an article in the old style, and I helped him by acting as amanuensis.
+He violently attacked an editor who had persistently befriended him;
+then he wrote a London Letter for that editor's paper; then he sent the
+violent attack away in the envelope intended for the letter. There was a
+terrible quarrel.
+
+So far did the Gentleman, the Doctor, and Dicky come down. I may say
+that Dicky, the companion of statesmen, the pride of his university,
+died of cold and hunger in a cellar in the Borough. Oh, young man, boast
+not of thy strength!
+
+
+
+
+POACHERS AND NIGHTBIRDS.
+
+
+The Chequers stands in a very nasty place, yet we are within easy
+distance of a park which swarms with game. This game is preserved for
+the amusement of a royal duke, who is kind enough to draw about twelve
+thousand a year from the admiring taxpayer. He has not rendered any very
+brilliant service to his adopted country, unless we reckon his nearly
+causing the loss of the battle of Alma as a national benefit. He wept
+piteously during the battle of Inkerman when the Guards got into a warm
+corner, but, although he is pleasingly merciful towards Russians, he is
+most courageous in his assaults on pheasants and rabbits, and the
+country provides him with the finest sporting ground in England. I
+should not like to say how many men make money by poaching in the park,
+but we have a regular school of them at The Chequers, and they seem to
+pick up a fair amount of drink money. The temptation is great. Every one
+of these poaching fellows has the hunter's instinct strongly developed,
+and neither fines nor gaol can frighten them. The keepers catch one
+after another, but the work goes on all the same. You cannot stop men
+from poaching, and there is an end of the matter. You may shout yourself
+hoarse in trying to bring a greyhound to heel after he sights a hare;
+but the dog _cannot_ obey you, for he is an automaton. The human
+predatory animal has his share of reason, but he also is automatic to
+some degree, and he will hunt in spite of all perils and all punishments
+when he sights his prey. One comic old rascal whom I know well has been
+caught thirty times and imprisoned eight times. While he is in gaol he
+always occupies himself in composing songs in praise of poaching, and on
+the evening of his release he is invariably called on to furnish the
+company in the tap-room with his new composition. He cannot read or
+write, but he learns his songs by heart, and I have taken down a large
+number of them from his own lips. The things are much like Jemmy
+Catnach's stuff, so far as rhyme and rhythm are concerned, but they are
+interesting on account of the sly exultation that runs through them.
+
+In one poem the lawless bard gives an account of a day's life in gaol,
+and his coarse phrases make you almost feel the cold and hunger. Here
+are some scraps from this descriptive work:--
+
+    "Till seven we walk around the yard,
+    There is a man all to you guard.
+    If you put your hand out so,
+    Untoe the guv'nor you must go;
+    Eight o'clock is our breakfast hour,
+    Those wittles they do soon devour;
+    Oh! dear me, how they eat and stuff,
+    Lave off with less than half enough.
+    Nine o'clock you mount the mill,
+    That you mayn't cramp from settin' still.
+    If that be ever so against your will,
+    You must mount on the traaedin' mill.
+    There is a turnkey that you'll find
+    He is a raskill most unkind.
+    To rob poor prisoners he is that man,
+    To chaaete poor prisoners where he can.
+    At eleven o'clock we march upstairs
+    To hear the parson read the prayers.
+    Then we are locked into a pen--
+    It's almost like a lion's den.
+    There's iron bars big round as your thigh,
+    To make you of a prison shy.
+    At twelve o'clock the turnkey come;
+    The locks and bolts sound like a drum.
+    If you be ever so full of game,
+    The traaedin' mill it will you tame.
+    At one you mount the mill again,
+    That is labour all in vain
+    If that be ever so wrong or right,
+    You must traaede till six at night.
+    Thursdays we have a jubal fraae
+    Wi' bread and cheese for all the day.
+    I'll tell you raaelly, without consate,
+    For a hungry pig 'tis a charmin' bait.
+    At six you're locked into your cell,
+    There until the mornin' dwell;
+    There's a bed o' straw all to lay on,
+    There's Hobson's choice, there's that or none."
+
+That is a bleak picture; but the old man winds up by bidding all his
+mates "go it again, my merry boys, and never mind if they you taaeke." He
+told me that on several occasions he was out ferreting, or with his
+lurcher, on the next night after coming out of prison. Can you keep such
+a fellow out of a well-stocked park? He likes the money that he gets for
+game, but what he likes far better is the wild pleasure of seeing the
+deadly dogs wind on the trail of the doomed quarry; he likes the danger,
+the strategy, the gambling chances.
+
+One night I got this old man to drive me about for some hours. He is a
+smart hand with horses, and when I said, "Can you manage without lamps
+in this dark?"--he answered, "I could find my way for twenty miles round
+here if you tie my eyes up. There's nary gate that my nets hasn't been
+under; there's hardly a field that I haven't been chased on." As our
+trotter swung on, I found that the poacher associated almost every gate
+and outhouse and copse with some wild story. For example, we passed a
+clump of farm-buildings, and the poacher said; "I had a queer job in
+there. Three of us had had a good night--a dozen hares--and we got
+half-a-crown apiece for them, so we drank all day, and came out on the
+game again at night. We put down a master lot o' wires about eleven, and
+then we takes a bottle o' rum and goes to lie down on a load of hay.
+Well, we all takes too much, and sleeps on and on. When I wakes, Lord,
+we was covered with snow, and a marcy we was alive. We dursn't go for
+our wires in the daylight, and there we has to stand and see a keeper go
+and take out three hares, one after another. It was a fortnight before I
+had a chance of picking up the wires again, and we was about perished."
+Cold, wet, and all other inconveniences are nothing to the poacher.
+
+Presently my man chuckled grimly. "Had a near shave over there where you
+see them ar' trees. I had my old dorg out one night, and two commarades
+along with me. We did werra well at that gate we just passed, so we
+tries another field. Do you think that there owd dorg 'ud go in? Not he.
+There never was such a one for 'cuteness. We was all in our poachin'
+clothes, faces blacked, women's nightcaps on, and shirts on over our
+coats. Well, the light come in the sky, and I separates from my mates,
+for I sees the owd dorg put up a hare and coorse her. I follows him, and
+he gits up for first turn; then puss begins to turn very quick to throw
+the dorg out before she made her last run to cover. He was on the scut,
+the old rip--catch him leave her--and I gits excited, and, like a fool,
+I chevies him on. In a minute I sees a man running at me, and off I goes
+for the gate. Now, I could run any man round here from 300 yards up to a
+mile; but I knew I must be took at the gate, unless I could stop the
+keeper. I had a big stick with me--about six foot long it was--and did
+sometimes to beat fuzz with; so I takes the stick by one end. He come up
+very sharp, and I made up my mind to let him gain on me. As soon as I
+_feels_ him on me, I swings round, and the stick got him on the side of
+the head. He went flat down, and I got on to the road. I picked up my
+mates, and we washes our faces in a pond; then we leaves our clothes
+with one of the school, and walks off to the pub. Half an hour after, in
+comes the keeper and says, 'See what some of you blackguards has done
+for me?' I stands him a drink and says how sorry, and we parted. Ah!
+Years after that I was at a harvest supper with that keeper, and we
+talks of that affair. I says, 'I'll tell you now, I was the man as
+knocked you over,' and he says, 'Shake hands, Tom. It was the cleanest
+thing I ever saw done.'
+
+"Do you really like the game, then?"
+
+"Like it! I'd die at it. If it wasn't for my crippled foot I'd be out
+every night now."
+
+Old Tom, the much-imprisoned man, never goes out with a gang now, but
+his influence is potent. He is the romantic poacher, and many a man has
+been set on by him. Observe that the best of these night thieves are on
+perfectly friendly terms with the keepers. If they are taken, they
+resign themselves to fate, and bear no ill-will. It is a game, and if
+the keeper makes a good move he is admired--and forgiven.
+
+Six regular poachers come daily to The Chequers, but there are many
+others hanging around who are merely amateurs. One queer customer with
+whom I have stayed out many nights is the despair of the keepers. His
+resource is inexhaustible, and his courage is almost admirable. Let me
+say--with a blush if you like--that I am a skilful poacher, and my
+generalship has met with approval from gentlemen who have often seen the
+inside of Her Majesty's prisons. Alas!
+
+One day I was much taken with the appearance of a beautiful fawn bitch,
+which lay on the seat in the room which is used by the most shady men in
+the district. Her owner was a tall, thin man, with sly grey eyes, set
+very near together, and a lean, resolute face. Doggy men are freemasons,
+and I soon opened the conversation by speaking of the pretty fawn. She
+pricked her ears, and to my amazement, they stood up like those of a
+rabbit. Such a weird, out-of-the-way head I never saw, though the dog
+looked a nice, well-trained greyhound when she had her ears laid back.
+
+I said, "Why, she's a lurcher."
+
+"She ain't all greyhound; but the best man as ever I knew always said
+there never was a prick-eared one a bad 'un."
+
+"Is she for sale?"
+
+"There ain't enough money to buy her."
+
+"She's so very good?"
+
+"Never was one like her!"
+
+I found out, when we became fast friends, that the man's statement was
+quite correct. The dog's intelligence was supernatural. For the benefit
+of innocents who do not know what poaching is like, I will give an idea
+of this one dog's depredations. The owner--the Consumptive, I call him,
+as his night work has damaged his lungs--grew very friendly one day, and
+confidential. He winked and remarked, "Now, how many do you think I've
+had this month?"
+
+"How many what?"
+
+"You know. Rabbits. Guess."
+
+I tried, and failed. The Consumptive whispered, "Well, I keeps count,
+just the same as a shopkeeper, and as true as I'm a living man I've
+taken two hundred and fifty out of that park, and averaged tenpence for
+'em."
+
+"With the one bitch?"
+
+"No. I've got a pup from her--such a pup. The old 'un's taught the baby,
+and I swear I'll never let that pup come out in daylight. They work
+together, and nothing can get away."
+
+This astounding statement was true to the letter. The dogs were like
+imps for cunning; they would hide skilfully at the very sound of a
+strange footstep, and they would retrieve for miles if necessary. I may
+say that I have seen them at work, and I earnestly wish that Frank
+Buckland could have been there.
+
+The Consumptive is a dissolute, drunken fellow, whose life is certainly
+not noble. Fancy being maintained in idleness by a couple of dogs! But
+the park is there, and the man cannot help stealing. I have seen his
+puppy, and I wish the royal duke could see her. She is a cross between
+lurcher and greyhound; her cunning head resembles that of a terrier, and
+her long, slim limbs are hard as steel. Her precious owner spends his
+days in tippling; he never reads, and, I fancy, never thinks; he goes
+forth at dusk, and his faithful dogs proceed to work for his livelihood.
+
+The Consumptive is, as I have said, a man of great resource; but he has
+for once been within a hair's breadth of disaster. When he walks across
+the park at dusk, he likes to take his wife with him, and on such
+occasions he looks like a quiet workman out for a stroll with the
+missus. He sometimes puts his arm round the lady's waist, and the couple
+look so very loving and tender. It would never do to take the raking,
+great deerhound; but the innocent little fawn dog naturally follows her
+master, and looks, oh! so demure.
+
+The lady wears a wide loose cloak, which comes to her feet, for you must
+know that the mists rise very coldly from the hollows. Then these two
+sentimentalists wend their way to a secluded quarter of the vast park,
+and presently the faithful fawn mysteriously disappears. She moves slyly
+among the bracken, and her exquisite scent serves to guide her
+unerringly as she works up wind. Presently she steadies herself, takes
+aim, and rushes! The rabbit only has time to turn once or twice before
+the savage jaws close on him, and then the fawn makes her way carefully
+towards Darby and Joan. She takes advantage of every shadow; she never
+thinks of rashly crossing open ground, and Darby has only got to stamp
+twice to make her lie down. She sneaks up, and, horror! she gives the
+rabbit to Joan. Now under that cloak there is a useful little apparatus.
+A strong strap is fastened under Joan's armpits and over her breasts.
+This strap has on it a dozen strong hooks. Joan slits away the tendons
+of the rabbit's hind legs from the bone, hangs the game on one of the
+hooks, and the lovers wend their way peacefully, while the family
+provider glides off on another murderous errand. When four or five hooks
+are occupied, the lady walks homeward with the demure dog, Darby goes
+and drinks at The Chequers till about eleven, and then the
+mouse-coloured deerhound is taken out to do her share.
+
+The fond couple were sitting on a bench under a tree, for Joan had
+fairly tired under the weight of no less than nine rabbits which were
+slung on her belt. The lurcher stole up, and quietly laid a rabbit down
+at Joan's feet; then a soft-spoken man came from behind the tree, and
+observed--
+
+"I am a policeman in plain clothes, and you must go with me to the
+keeper's cottage."
+
+But Darby, the wily one, rose to the occasion. The dog is trained to
+repudiate his acquaintance at a word, and when he said, "That's not my
+dog; get off, you brute!" the accomplished lurcher picked up the rabbit
+and vanished like lightning. Nevertheless the policeman led off Darby,
+and Joan followed. The keeper was out, but the policeman searched the
+Consumptive and found nothing.
+
+The keeper said to me--even me, "My wife tells me they brought up a man
+the other night, but he had no game on him. He had a woman with him that
+fairly made the missus tremble. She was like a bloomin' giant out of a
+show." I smiled, for the Consumptive had told me the whole tale. "My
+'art was in my mouth," he remarked, and I do not wonder. Considering
+that Joan was padded with the carcases of _nine_ rabbits under that
+enormous cloak, it was quite natural for her bulk to seem abnormal. Ah!
+if that intelligent policeman had probed the mysteries that underlay
+the cloak! I am glad he did not, for the Consumptive is a most
+entertaining beast of prey.
+
+Another of our poaching men was obliged to borrow from me the money for
+his dog licences, and in gratitude he allowed me to see his brace of
+greyhounds work at midnight. People think that greyhounds cannot hunt by
+scent, but this man has a tiny black and a large brindle that work like
+basset-hounds. They are partners, and they have apparently a great
+contempt for the rules of coursing. One waits at the bottom of a field,
+while his partner quarters the ground with the arrowy fleetness of a
+swallow. When a hare is put up by the beating dog she goes straight to
+her doom.
+
+It seems marvellous that such lawless desperadoes should be hanging
+about London; but there they are, and they will have successors so long
+as there is a head of game on the ground. The men are disreputable
+loafers; they care only for drink and the pleasures of idleness. I grant
+that. My only business is to show what a strange secret life, what a
+strange secret society, may be studied almost within sight of St.
+Paul's.
+
+The very best and most daring poacher I know lives within
+five-and-twenty minutes' journey from Waterloo. You may keep on framing
+stringent game laws as long as you choose, but you cannot kill an
+overmastering instinct.
+
+I am not prepared to say, "Abolish the Game Laws;" but I do say that
+those laws cause wild, worthless fellows to be regarded as heroes. No
+stigma whatever attaches to a man who has been imprisoned for poaching;
+he has won his Victoria Cross, and he is admired henceforth. You inflict
+a punishment which confers honour on the culprit in the eyes of the only
+persons for whose opinion he cares. Even the better sort of men who
+haunt our public-houses are glad to meet and talk with the poachers. The
+punishment gives a man a few weeks of privation and months of adulation.
+He bears no malice; he simply goes and poaches again. No burglar ever
+brags of his exploits; the poacher always boasts, and always receives
+applause.
+
+
+
+
+JIM BILLINGS.
+
+
+Few people know that large numbers of the splendid seamen who man our
+North Sea fishing fleets are arrant Cockneys. In the North-country and
+in Scotland the proud natives are accustomed to regard the Cockney as a
+being who can only be reckoned as human by very charitable persons. To
+hear a Scotch fisherman mention a "Kokenee" is an experience which lets
+you know how far scorn may really be cherished by an earnest man. The
+Northerners believe that all the manliness and hardiness in the country
+reside in their persons; but I take leave to dispute that pleasing
+article of faith, for I have seen hundreds of Londoners who were quite
+as brave and skilful sailors as any born north of the Tees. The Cockney
+is a little given to talking, but he is a good man all the same.
+
+In the smacks many lads from the workhouse schools are apprenticed, and
+some of the smartest skippers in England come originally from Mitcham or
+Sutton. Jim Billings was a workhouse boy when he first went to sea, and
+he sometimes ran up to London after his eight weeks' trips were over.
+When I first cast eyes on Jim I said quite involuntarily, "Bob Travers,
+by the living man!" The famous coloured boxer is still alive and hearty,
+and it would be hard to tell the difference between him and Jim Billings
+were it not that the prize-fighter dresses smartly. Jim doesn't; his
+huge chest is set off by a coarse white jumper; his corded arms are
+usually bared nearly to the elbow, and his vast shock of twining curls
+relieves him generally from the trouble of wearing headgear. On Sundays
+he sometimes puts on a most comfortless felt hat, but that is merely a
+chance tribute to social usage, and the ugly excrescence does not
+disfigure Jim's shaggy head for very long. Billings's father was a
+mulatto prize-fighter, who perished early from the effects of those
+raging excesses in which all men of his class indulged when they came
+out of training. The mulatto was as powerful and game a man as ever
+stripped in a twenty-four-foot ring; but he ruined his constitution with
+alcohol, and he left his children penniless. The little bullet-headed
+Jim was drafted off to the workhouse school, and from thence to a small
+fishing-smack.
+
+Does anyone ever think nowadays of the horrors that were to be seen
+among the fleets not so very long ago? It is not a wonder that any of
+the fishers had a glimmer of human feeling in them when they reached
+manhood, for no brute beast--not even a cabhorse in an Italian town--was
+ever treated as an apprentice on a smack was treated. Some of the
+sea-ruffians carried their cruelty to insane extremes, for the lust of
+blood seemed to grow upon them. It is a naked truth that there was no
+law for boys who lived on the high seas until very recent years. One
+fine, hardy seadog (that is the correct and robust way of talking) used
+to strip his apprentice, and make him go out to the bowsprit end when
+the vessel was dipping her stem in winter time. He was such a merry
+fellow, was this bold seadog, and I could make breezy, "robust" Britons
+laugh for hours by my narratives of his drolleries. He would not let
+this poor boy eat a morsel of anything until he had mixed the dish with
+excrements, and when the lad puked at the food the hardy mariner cut his
+head open with a belaying-pin or flung him down the hatchway. Sometimes
+the hardy one and the mate lashed the apprentice up in the fore-rigging,
+and they had rare sport while he squealed under the sting of the knotted
+rope's end. On one night the watch on deck saw a figure dart forward and
+spring on the rail; the contumacious boy had stripped himself, and he
+was barely saved from throwing his skinny, lacerated carcass into the
+sea. Shortly after this the youngest apprentice went below, and found
+the ill-used lad standing on a locker, and gibbering fearfully. The tiny
+boy said:
+
+"Oh! Jim, Jim, what's come to you?" but James never uttered a rational
+word more. He was sent to his mother's house at Deptford, and he went to
+bed with four other children. In the early morning the youngsters
+noticed that Jim seemed rather stiff, and he had exceedingly good
+reasons, for he was stone-dead, and doubled up. The coroner's jury
+thought that death resulted from a stoppage of the intestines. That was
+very funny indeed, for Jim's shipmates observed that as he was bruised
+and rope's-ended more and more he lost all power of retaining his food,
+and everything he swallowed passed from him undigested. Jim succumbed to
+the wholesome, manly, hardening, maritime discipline of the good old
+times, and no one was hanged for murdering him.
+
+The mind of the kindly, shoregoing man cannot rightly conceive the
+monstrosities of cruelty which were perpetrated. Fancy a boy bending
+over a line and baiting hooks for dear life while the blood from a
+fearful scalp wound drained his veins till he fainted. The lad came to
+in four hours; had he died he would have been quietly reported as washed
+overboard. If you can stand a few hours of talk from an old smacksman
+you may hear a sombre litany of horror. Those fishers are, physically,
+the flower of our race, and many of them have the noblest moral
+qualities. Knowing what I do of the old days, I wonder that the men are
+any better than desperate savages.
+
+Jim Billings endured the bitterest hardships that could befall an
+apprentice. For six years he was not allowed to have a bed, for that
+luxury was generally denied to boys. He secured a piece of old netting,
+and he used to sleep on that until it became rotten by reason of the
+salt water which drained from his clothes. On mad winter nights, when
+the sea came hurling along, and crashed thunderously on the decks, the
+smack tugged and lunged at her trawl. All round her the dark water
+boiled and roared, and the blast shrieked through the cordage with
+hollow tremors. That One who rideth on the wings of the wind lashed the
+dark sea into aimless fury, and the men on deck clung where they could
+as the smothering waves broke and seethed in wild eddies over the
+reeling vessel. At midnight the sleepers below heard the cry, "Haul, O!
+haul, haul, haul!" and they staggered to their feet in the reeking den
+of a cabin.
+
+"Does it rain?"
+
+"No, it snows."
+
+That was the fragment of dialogue which passed pretty often. Then the
+skipper inquired, "Do you want any cinder ashes?" The ashes were spread
+on the treacherous deck; the bars were fixed in the capstan, and the
+crew tramped on their chill round. Men often fell asleep at their dreary
+work, and walked on mechanically; sometimes the struggle lasted for an
+hour or two, until strong fellows were ready to lie down, and over the
+straining gang the icy wind roared and the piercing drift flew in
+vicious streams. When the big beam and the slimy net came to hand the
+worst of the work began; it often happened that a man who ran against a
+shipmate was obliged to say, "Who's that?" so dense was the darkness;
+and yet amid that impenetrable gloom the intricate gear had to be
+handled with certainty, and when the living avalanche of fish flowed
+from the great bag, it was necessary to kill, clean, and sort them in
+the dark. When the toil was over Jim Billings went below with his mates,
+and their dripping clothes soon covered the cabin floor with slush.
+
+"Surely they changed their clothes?" I fancy I hear some innocent asking
+that question. Ah! No. The smacksmen have no time for changes of
+raiment. Jim huddled himself up like the rest: the crew turned in
+soaking, and woke up steaming, just as the men do even nowadays.
+
+Week in, week out, Jim Billings led that hard life, and he grew up
+brawny and sound in spite of all his troubles. His frame was a mass of
+bone and wire, and no man could accurately measure his strength. His
+mind was left vacant of all good impressions; every purely animal
+faculty was abnormally developed, and Jim's one notion of relaxation was
+to get beastly drunk whenever he had the chance. Like too many more of
+those grand seamen, he came to regard himself as an outcast, for he was
+cut off from the world during about forty-six weeks of every year, and
+he thought that no creature on earth cared for him. If he broke a finger
+or strained a tendon, he must bear his suffering, and labour on until
+his eight weeks were up; books, newspapers, rational amusements were
+unknown to him; he lived on amid cursing, fighting, fierce toil, and
+general bestiality.
+
+Pray, what were Jim's recreations? When he ran up to London he remained
+violently, aggressively drunk while his money lasted, and at such times
+he was as dangerous as a Cape buffalo in a rage. With all his weight he
+was as active as a leopard, and his hitting was as quick as Ned
+Donnelly's. He enjoyed a fight, but no one who faced him shared his
+enjoyment long; for he generally settled his man with one rush. He used
+both hands with awful severity; and in short, he was one of the most
+fearsome wild beasts ever allowed to remain at large. I have known him
+to take four men at once, with disastrous results to the four, and, when
+he had to be conveyed to the police-station (which was rather
+frequently), fresh men were always brought round to handle him. Speaking
+personally, I may say that I would rather enter a cage of performing
+lions than stand up for two rounds with Mr. Billings. He only once was
+near The Chequers, and I fear I entertained an unholy desire to see some
+of our peculiar and eloquent pugilists raise his ire. Here was a pretty
+mass of blackguard manhood for you! Everyone who knew him felt certain
+that Jim would be sent to penal servitude in the end for killing some
+antagonist with an unlucky blow; no human power seemed capable of
+restraining him, and of superhuman powers he only knew one thing--he
+knew that you use certain words for cursing purposes.
+
+Over the grey desolation of that cruel North Sea no humanising agency
+ever travelled to soften Jim Billings and his like; but there were many
+agencies at work to convert the men into brutes.
+
+On calm days there came sinister vessels that sneaked furtively among
+the fleet. A little black flag flew from the foretopmast stay of these
+ugly visitors, and that was a sign that tobacco and spirits were on sale
+aboard. The smacksmen went for tobacco, which is a necessity of life to
+them; but the clever Dutchmen soon contrived to introduce other wares.
+Vile aniseed brandy--liquid fire--was sold cheap, and many a man who
+began the day cool and sober ended it as a raving madman. Mr. Coper, the
+Dutch trader, did not care a rush for ready money; ropes, nets, sails
+were quite as much in his line, and a continual temptation was held out
+to men who wanted to rob their owners. Jim Billings used to get drunk as
+often as possible, and he himself told me of one ghastly expedient to
+which he was reduced when he and his shipmates were parched and craving
+for more poison. A dead man came past their vessel; they lowered the
+boat, and proceeded to haul the clothes off the corpse. The putrid flesh
+came away with the garments, but the drunkards never heeded. They
+scrubbed the clothes, dried them in the rigging, and coped them away for
+brandy.
+
+Mr. Coper had other attractions for young and lusty fishermen. There are
+certain hounds in France, Holland, and even in our own virtuous
+country, who pick up a living by selling beastly pictures. In the North
+Sea fleets there are 12,000 powerful fellows who are practically
+condemned to celibacy, and the human apes who sold the bawdy pictures
+drove a rare trade among the swarming vessels.
+
+Jim Billings was a capital customer to the Copers, for his animalism ran
+riot, and he was more like a tremendous automaton than like a man.
+
+So this mighty creature lived his life, drinking, fighting, toiling,
+blaspheming, and dwelling in rank darkness. He often spoke of "Gord,"
+and his burly childishness tickled me infinitely. I liked Jim; he was
+such a Man when one compared him with our sharps and noodles; but I
+never expected to see him fairly distance me in the race towards
+respectability. I am still a Loafer; Jim is a most estimable member of
+the gentlest society; and this is how it all came about.
+
+On one grey Sunday morning a pretty smack came creeping through the
+fleet. Far and near the dark trawlers heaved to the soft swell, and they
+looked picturesque enough; but the strange vessel was handsomer than
+any of the fishing-boats, and Jim's curiosity was roused. The new smack
+was flying a flag at her masthead, but Jim could not read well enough to
+make out the inscription on the flag. He said, "Who's he?" and his mate
+answered, "A blank mission ship. Lot o' blokes come round preachin' and
+prayin'."
+
+"What? To our blank chaps? How is it I've never seen his blank flag
+afore?"
+
+"Ain't been werry long started. I heerd about 'em at Gorleston. Fat Dan
+got converted board o' one on 'em."
+
+Just then the smart smack shoved her foresail a-weather and hove-to;
+then a small boat put out, and a stout grizzled man hailed Jim.
+
+"What cheer, old lad, what cheer? Come and give us a look. Service in an
+hour's time. Come and have a pot o' tea and a pipe."
+
+I am grieved to say that Mr. Billings remarked, "Let's go aboard the
+blank, and capsize the whole blank trunk."
+
+Certainly he jumped up the side of the mission ship with very evil
+intentions. Boat after boat came up and made fast astern of the dandy
+vessel, and soon the decks were crowded with merry groups. Jim couldn't
+make it out for the life of him. These fellows had their pipes and
+cigars going; they were full of fun, and yet Jim could not hear an oath
+or a lewd word. Gradually he began to feel a little sheepish, but
+nevertheless he did not relinquish his desire to break up the service.
+The skipper of the smack invited Jim to go below, and handed him a
+steaming mug of tea.
+
+"Where's your 'bacca?" said the skipper.
+
+"Left him aboard."
+
+"Never mind. Take half a pound and pay for it to-morrow. We sell the
+best at a shilling a pound."
+
+Jim gaped. Here was a decidedly practical religious agency. A shilling a
+pound! Cheaper than the Copers' rubbish. Jim took a few pulls at the
+strong, black tobacco, and began to reconsider his notion about smashing
+up the service. He found the religious skipper was as good a fisherman
+as anyone in the fleet; the talk was free from that horrible cant which
+scares wild and manly men so easily, and the copper-coloured rowdy
+almost enjoyed himself.
+
+Presently the lively company filed into the hold, squatted on fish
+boxes, and proceeded to make themselves comfortable. Two speakers from
+London were to address the meeting, and Jim gazed very critically on
+both.
+
+A hymn was sung, and the crash of the hoarse voices sounded weirdly over
+the moan of the wind. Jim felt something catch at his throat, and yet he
+was unable to tell what strange new feeling thrilled him. His comrades
+sang as if their lives depended on their efforts. Jim sat on, half
+pleased, half sulky, wholly puzzled. Then one of the speakers rose. At
+first sight the preacher looked like anything but an apostle; his plump,
+rounded body gave no hint of asceticism, and his merry, pure eye
+twinkled from the midst of a most rubicund expanse of countenance. He
+looked like one who had found the world a pleasant place, and Jim
+gruffly described him as a "jolly old bloke." But the voice of this
+comfortable, suave-looking missionary by no means matched his
+appearance. He spoke with a grave and silvery pitch that made his words
+seem to soar lightly over his audience. His accent was that of the
+genuine society man, but a delicate touch--a mere suspicion--of Scotch
+gave the cultured tones a certain odd piquancy. A solemn note of deep
+passion trembled, as it were, amid the floating music, and every word
+went home. This jolly, rosy missionary is one of the best of living
+popular speakers, and his passionate simplicity fairly conquers the very
+rudest of audiences. The man believes every word he says, and his power
+of rousing strong emotion has seldom been equalled.
+
+Jim Billings sat and glowered; he understood every simply lucid sentence
+that the orator uttered, and he was charmed in spite of himself.
+
+"This is the blankest, rummiest blank go ever I was in," muttered the
+would-be iconoclast.
+
+His visions of a merry riot were all fled, and he was listening with the
+eagerness of a decorous Sunday-school child.
+
+Speaker Number Two arose, and Jim's bleared eyes were riveted on him.
+The rough saw before him a pallid, worn man, whose beautiful face seemed
+drawn by suffering. Long, exquisite artist hands, silky beard, kindly,
+humorous mouth, marked by stern lines; these were the things that Jim
+dimly saw. But the dusky blackguard was really daunted and mastered by
+the preacher's eye. The wonderful eye was like Napoleon's and Mary
+Stuart's in colour; but the Emperor's lordly look hinted of earthly
+ambition: the missionary's wide, flashing gaze seemed to be turned on
+some solemn vision. Twice in my life have I seen such an eye--once in
+the flesh when I met General Gordon, once in a portrait of Columbus.
+Poor Jim was fascinated; he was in presence of the hero-martyr who has
+revolutionised the life of a great population by the sheer force of his
+own unconquerable will. Jim did not know that the slim man with the
+royal eye must endure acute agony as he travels from one squalid vessel
+to another; he did not know that the sublime modern Reformer has
+overcome colossal difficulties while enduring tortures which would make
+even brave men pray for death. Jim was in the dark. He only knew that
+the saintly man talked like a "toff," and said strange things. After a
+little the "toff" dropped the accent of the Belgravian and began to
+speak in low, impassioned tones; he told one little story, and Jim found
+that he must cry or swear. With sorrow I must say that he did the
+latter, in order to bully the lump out of his bull throat. Then the
+"toff" broke into a cry of infinite tenderness and pity; he implored the
+men to come, and some sturdy fellows sobbed; but Jim did not understand
+where they were wanted to go, and he growled another oath.
+
+After this some of the fishermen spoke, and Jim heard how drunkards,
+fighting men, and spendthrifts had become peaceable and prosperous
+citizens.
+
+Puzzles were heaped on the poor man's brain. He could have broken that
+pale man in halves with one hand; yet the pale man mastered him. He knew
+some of the burly seamen as old ruffians; yet here they were--talking
+gently, and boasting about their happiness and prosperity. When the last
+crashing chorus had been sung, the two swells went round and chatted
+freely with all comers.
+
+"No ---- 'toffs' never treated me like that afore."
+
+All that day, until the trawl went down, Jim sat growling and brooding.
+He was inarticulate, and the crowding thoughts that surged in his dim
+soul were chaotic.
+
+Next day he inquired, "Do you know anything 'bout this yere Jesus as
+they yarns about?"
+
+"Devil a bit! Get the bloke on the Mission ship to tell you."
+
+"See him and you damned fust!"
+
+Thus spoke the impolite James. But on the ninth day the Mission smack
+ran into the Blue fleet again, and Jim took a desperate resolution. His
+boat was astern, so he jumped over the counter and sculled himself
+straight to the Mission smack.
+
+"Got them gents aboard?"
+
+The skipper was wild with delight at seeing the most notorious ruffian
+on the coast come voluntarily, and Mr. Billings was soon below in the
+after cabin. Poor Jim stuttered and haggled while trying to explain what
+was the matter with him.
+
+"I tell you, guvnor, I've got a something that must come out, or I shall
+choke straight off. I want to speak, and I can't get no words."
+
+I shall say nothing of the long talk that went on. I know something
+about it, but the subject is too sacred for a Loafer to touch. I shall
+only say that Jim Billings got release, as the fishers say, and his
+wild, infantine outburst made powerful men cry like children.
+
+He is now a very quiet soul, and he neither visits The Chequers nor any
+other hostelry. There was great fun among the Gorleston men when Jim
+turned serious, and one merry smacksman actually struck at the quadroon.
+Jim bit his lip, and said,
+
+"Bill, old lad, I'd have killed you for that a year ago. Shake hands;
+God bless you!"
+
+Which was rather a plucky thing to do.
+
+Some blathering parsons say that this blessed Mission is teaching men to
+talk cant and Puritanism. Speaking as a very cynical Loafer, I can only
+say that if Puritanism turns fishing fleets and fishing towns from being
+hells on earth into being decent places; if Puritanism heals the sick,
+comforts the sufferers, carries joy and refinement and culture into
+places that were once homes of horror, and renders the police force
+almost a superfluity in two great towns--then I think we can put up with
+Puritanism.
+
+I know that Jim Billings was a dangerous untamed animal; he is now a
+jolly, but quiet fellow. I was always rather afraid of him; but now I
+should not mind sailing in his vessel. The Puritan Mission has civilised
+him and hundreds on hundreds more, and I wish the parsons had done just
+half as much.
+
+For my own part, I think that when I am clear of The Chequers I shall go
+clean away into the North Sea. If on some mad night the last sea heaves
+us down, and the Loafer is found on some wind-swept beach, that will be
+as good an end as a burnt-out, careless being can ask. Perhaps Jim
+Billings, the rough, and I, the broken gentleman, may go triumphantly
+together. Who knows? I should like to take the last flight with the
+fighting nigger.
+
+
+
+
+OUR PARLOUR COMPANY.
+
+
+We have one room where high prices are charged. This place is kept very
+select indeed, and the vulgar are excluded. I was not received very well
+at first, and some of the assembly talked at me in a way which was
+intended to be highly droll; but I never lost temper, and I fairly
+established my position by dint of good humour. Moreover, I found out
+who was the most unpopular man in the room, and earned much goodwill by
+slyly administering the kind of strokes which a fairly educated man can
+always play off on a dullard. I hate the parlour, and if I were to let
+out according to my fancy I should use violent language. In that dull,
+stupid place one learns to appraise the talk about sociality and
+joviality at its correct value. I am afraid I must utter a heresy. I
+have heard that George Eliot's chapter about the Raveloe Inn is
+considered as equal to Shakespeare's work. Now I can only see in it the
+imaginative writing of a clever woman who tried to dramatise a scene
+without having any data to guide her. In all my life I never heard a
+conversation resembling that of the farrier and the rest in the remotest
+degree. In the first place, one element of public-house talk--the overt
+or sly indecency--is left out. In an actual public-house parlour the man
+who can bring in a totally new tale of a dirty nature is the hero of the
+evening. Then the element of scandal is missing. When men of vulgar mind
+meet together, you only need to wait a few minutes before you hear
+someone's character pulled to pieces, and the scandal is usually of the
+clumsiest sort. Again, it is easy to represent the landlord as a pliable
+person who agrees with everybody; but the landlord of real life is a
+person who is treated with deference, and who asserts his position in
+the most pronounced fashion. If he has a good customer he is courteous
+and obliging, but he keeps a strict hand on his company, and lets them
+know who is master. Nearly all the landlords I have known since I became
+a Loafer have been good fellows. They find it in their interest to be
+generous, obliging, and friendly; but to represent them as timorous
+sycophants is absurd. They are ordinary tradesmen; they have a good
+opinion of themselves, and they hold their own with all classes of men.
+The women are sometimes insolent, overdressed creatures, who heartily
+despise their customers; but very often a landlord marries a lady who is
+as far as possible from being like the hostess of fiction.
+
+The temperance orators destroy their main chance of gaining a success by
+their senseless attempts to be funny at the expense of the licensed
+victuallers. Any spouter who chooses to rant about the landlady's gold
+chain and silk dress can make sure of a laugh, and anyone who talks
+about "prosperous Mr. Bung" is approved. For the sake of a good cause I
+beg the abstainers to tell the plain, brutal truth as I do, and refrain
+from scandalising a decent class of citizens. Why on earth should the
+landlord be named as a pariah among the virtuous classes? He is a
+capitalist who is tempted to invest money in a trade which is the
+mainstay of our revenue; he is hedged in with restrictions, and the
+faintest slip ruins him for ever. The very nature of his business
+compels him to be smart, obliging, ostentatiously friendly; yet with all
+this the Government treat him as if he were by nature a thief, while
+thousands of earnest but ignorant and foolish people reckon him an enemy
+of society.
+
+Pray who is forced or solicited to buy the landlord's wares? Your
+butcher cries "Buy, buy, buy!" your draper sends out bills and
+sandwich-men; but the publican would be scouted if he went out touting
+for custom. If a man asks for drink he knows quite well what he is
+doing, and if he takes too much it is because of some morbid taint or
+unlucky weakness.
+
+Take away the taint, and strengthen the weakness; but do not pour
+blackguard and unfair abuse on business men who are in no way answerable
+for human frailty.
+
+When I hear (as I often do) some flabby boozer whining and ascribing his
+trouble to the drinkshop, I despise him. Who took him to the drinkshop?
+Was it not to please himself that he went? Did he care for any other
+being's gratification but his own when he slipped the alcohol down his
+throat? Yet he appeals for pity. I reckon that I know England and
+Scotland as well as most commercial travellers, and I have been
+compelled to depend for my comfort and well-being on the men whom some
+of the Alliance folk call pariahs. In all my experience I have come
+across less than a dozen men whom I should imagine to rank among the
+shady division. I should be a liar if I said that many public-houses are
+highly moral and useful institutions; but the abuses are due to the rank
+faults of human nature, and not to the class of traders who are
+alternately described as venal sycophants or robbers. Let us be fair.
+The Devil has enough to bear, and for any harm which we bring to
+ourselves we should not lay the blame on him or fate.
+
+The whole Raveloe scene is full of typical errors. It is too pretty, too
+decent, too neat, too humourous. There is very little fun to be got out
+of public-house humours, because the vanity of the various talkers is
+offensive, and their stupidity has not the charm of simplicity. If such
+a man as, say, Mr. Matthew Arnold wanted to test the accuracy of the
+"Silas Marner" chapter for critical purposes, he would scarcely recover
+the ordeal of a night spent in a haunt of the hardened toper. If the
+company happened to be unembarrassed, their ribaldry would sicken the
+philosopher; their coarse manners would revolt him; their political
+talk--well, that would probably stupefy him and cause him to flee.
+
+Here are my notes of one specimen conversation, given without any
+dramatic nonsense or idealisation. My memory can be trusted absolutely,
+and I have often reported a long interview in such a way that the person
+interviewed saw nothing to alter.
+
+Bowman guffawed, and his purple face swelled with merriment, for he had
+been hearing a whispered story told by Bill Preston, an elderly retired
+tradesman. Bill is a most respectable man whose daughters hold quite a
+leading position in the society of our district. He is great on church
+business, and he is the vicar's right-hand man. It is a noble sight to
+see him on Sundays when he stalks down the aisle, nattily dressed in
+black, and wearing a devotional air; but in our parlour his sole aim is
+to tell the queerest stories in the greatest possible number, and his
+collection--amassed by years of loving industry--is large and various.
+He cannot hear the simplest speech without trying to extract some bawdy
+significance from it, and when he has scored a thoroughly indecent
+success, his clean, rosy, jolly face is lit up by a fascinating smile.
+Ah! if ladies only heard these sober fathers of families when
+conversational high jinks are in progress, they would be decidedly
+enlightened.
+
+When Bowman ended his guffaw he said, with admiration, "You naughty old
+man! How dare you go for to corrupt my morals?" And Bill received the
+tribute with modest gratification. Then a loud voice silenced us all,
+and Joe Pidgeon, our great logician, began to hold forth.
+
+"Wot did old Disraely do? Why, they was all frightened of him. He was a
+masterpiece, I tell you. What was that there heppigram as he
+made?--'Inebriated with the hexuberance of his own verbosity.' There's
+langwidge for you! And he kep' it up, too, he did. He was the brightest
+diadem in England's crown, he was. But this Gladstone!--wot's he? Show
+me any trade as he's benefited! Ain't he taken the British Flag to the
+bloomin' pawnshop? Gord love me, he oughter be 'ung, he did! I tell you
+he ought to be 'ung. If you was to say to me to-morrow 'Will you 'ang
+old Gladstone?' I'd 'andle the rope. He's a blank robber and a
+scoundrel, he is.
+
+"What's this new man, Lord Churchill, goin' to do? He's a red-hot 'un.
+He does slip into 'em, and no mistake. He's a coming man, I reckon. I
+never see such a flow of language as that bit where he called old Gommy
+a superannuated Pharisee. That was up against him, wasn't it?"
+
+An old man spoke. He is feeble, but he is regarded as an authority on
+literature, politics, and other matters. "There's never been a good day
+for anybody since the old-fashioned elections was done away with. All
+the houses was open, fun going on for days, and the candidates was free
+as free could be. Your vote was worth something then. I remember when
+Horsley put up against Palmer. A rare man was Palmer! Why, that Palmer
+drove down with a coach-and-four and postilions, and he kept us all
+alive for a week. He'd kiss the children in the streets, and he'd set
+all the taps free in any inn that he went into. It's all purity and
+that sort of thing now.
+
+"I don't see no good in talking politics. One of the jiggers says one
+thing, and one of them says another thing. I think the first one's
+right, then I think the other one's right, and then I think nothing at
+all. I say, give us something good for trade, and let us have a fair
+chance of making money. That's my motto.
+
+"And, I say, let's have a law to turn those d----d Germans out of the
+country. They come over here--the hungry, poverty-stricken brutes--and
+they take the bread out of Englishmen's mouths, and they talk about
+education. Education! who cares for education? I never could read a book
+in my life without falling asleep, and I can give some of the educated
+ones a start in my small way. Why, I've got a tenant--a literary
+man--and he has about six pound of meat sent home in a week. There's
+education for you. I say, out with the Germans!"
+
+Rullock, the cultured man, was hurt when he heard education mentioned
+lightly. He said, "Excuse _me_, friend Bowler, but I think we must
+reckonise the claims of edgication. We all know you; we all respect
+you, and we know you'll cut up well at the finish; but I must disagree
+with you on that one subject. I'm a edgicated man--I may say that much.
+My father paid sixty pound a year at boarding-school for me.
+Sixty--pounds--a--year; so if I'm not edgicated, I should like to know
+who is. It's a great advantage to you. Look at the position you take
+when you go into a public room, and talk about any subject that comes
+up. Suppose you're ignorant; well, there you sit; and what are you?
+You're nobody. No, I approve of edgication--it improves the mind. It
+does undoubtedly improve the mind. Look now at this Randolph Churchill
+that's come to the front. What is it but edgication that brought him
+forward? I should venture to say he's a learned man, and knows lots of
+languages and sciences, else how'd he shut up such a wonderful orator as
+Gladstone? We all know as old Beaky was edgicated. Look at his books.
+How'd he write a book without it? I began "Cohningsby," and, I tell you,
+it's grand--sublime. No, friend B., I think you must give in I'm
+right."
+
+"And I think you're a lot of ---- fools."
+
+This interruption came from the devout Billy--Billy Preston. That pious
+man liked to have the talk mainly to himself, and he thought that
+anything not obscene was tame. By the way, these abrupt and insolent
+remarks are characteristic of public-house wit. A favourite joke is to
+ask a friend a serious question. When he fails to answer, then the joker
+shouts some totally irrelevant and indecent word, and the questioned man
+is regarded as "sold." I cannot repeat the interlude with which Billy
+Preston favoured us, but it was very spicy indeed, and referred to some
+of those sacred secrets which are known to all. For a pillar of the
+Church, Billy displayed rather amazing tastes and abilities. Then the
+talk fell into decency after the regulation merriment had greeted Mr.
+Preston's closing effort.
+
+"How long will you give Jobson to hold out?"
+
+"I don't know. He's into everybody's books all round. I should like to
+pick up that pony if he does smash."
+
+"I heard Charley Dunn say that Mrs. Jobson was round at old Burdett's
+asking for time. Jimmy Burdett's got a lot of Jobson's paper, and I
+shouldn't wonder if he stole a march on the other creditors."
+
+"Well, Jobson's a good sort, but he couldn't last. He's too free with
+his money. I never wanted his champagne and his suppers, but you had to
+drop in like the others, and there you are."
+
+A strident voice drowned the scandal, and an admiring group ceased
+smoking and listened spellbound to a characteristic anecdote. I cannot
+put in all the expletives, but I may say that the speaker modelled his
+style on that of the more eloquent betting men whom he knew.
+
+"I says to him, you'll trot me, will you? Why, go on with you, run and
+see your grandmother, and get her to wipe your nose for you. Strike me,
+I could sweep the blank chimney with you! You want to get on to me, and
+you know my cob can't go more than eleven at the outside. I was kiddin'
+him on, do you see? Then I winks at old Sammy, and he says, very solemn,
+'It's absurd for you, sir, to talk of trotting this gentleman. The cob's
+out of condition, and rough as a badger.' You see I let the cob keep his
+winter coat, and he was an object and no error. So this bloke was a fly
+flat, don't you know, and I could see he bit. He says, 'I'd like to have
+a match with you.' So I tips the office to Sammy, and blanked if he
+didn't go and knock in a slice of bloomin' flint a little way between
+the shoe and the near fore foot. I says very timid, 'Well, sir, I don't
+mind having a try just for a bit of sport, if you'll lay L30 to L20.' He
+says, 'Done with you,' and we staked. When I sees my pony walking
+gingerly, I made as if I was took aback. He saw the same thing, and
+says, 'Pony's wrong.' 'Yes,' says I, 'worse luck.' He says, 'I lay you
+L50 to L30 I beat you.' I says, 'You have me at a disadvantage, sir, but
+I'm on,' and I pulls out my three tenners. Then Sammy got the flint out,
+and we went into the road. I let him go away, and after we'd done five
+mile he waves and cries good-bye. I never hustled my cob, for I found I
+could go by when I liked. Two mile from Dorking I gives the cob his
+head. Lord love you, he can do seventeen inside the hour, and he left
+that juggins as if he was standing still. When he drove up at Dorking,
+he says, 'You're a red-hot member!' and, by God, I think I am!"
+
+This interesting yarn was received with rapture, and a remarkably strong
+anecdote of a lady and her footman fell flat, much to Mr. Preston's
+disgust. Then came the hour for personalities. As the drink takes effect
+our parlour customers attempt satire, and their efforts are always of a
+strongly personal nature.
+
+"If I'd a boiled beetroot face like you, I'd never show my 'ed in a
+public room again."
+
+"What's your wrong end like, you bloomin' Dutchman?"
+
+"You shouldn't kiss and tell." (Rapturous applause.)
+
+"Get away. You're too mean and miserable to do anything but count your
+dibs. He's so mean, gentlemen, that when he dropped a sixpence into the
+plate at church instead of a fourpenny-piece, he stopped his wife's
+cat's-meat allowance for a week to make up."
+
+"If I had a voice like you I'd have it stuffed."
+
+"If I had a nose like you I'd pay no more gas bills. You know your wife
+emptied the water-jug on you that night when you were lying boozed,
+because she thought it was a red-hot cinder on the floor."
+
+And so on. The company part without any goodwill, and a night of odious
+stupidity is over. Personally, I regard every hour I have spent in this
+public-house as wasted. I never in my life heard a word of real fun, or
+real sense, excepting from men who were merely casual visitors. The
+person whose mind is satisfied by the parlour dullness of that nightly
+foolery only becomes animated when he is indecent. In tracing the
+natural history of a public-house I have found the respectable dullards
+the most revolting of my subjects.
+
+But the mere fact that our one wretched hole is stupid and sometimes
+revolting by no means proves that all other places are of the same sort.
+I know one quiet, cleanly room where many smart young fellows go; their
+trade compels them to be decorous, and you see nothing but courtesy, and
+hear much good-natured and sensible chat.
+
+The riverside 'Arry is always an awful being, but the gentle, respectful
+lad who takes his lemonade and enjoys himself in German fashion is nice
+company. I have seen all sorts, and, while I would gladly burst a
+13-inch shell in such a cankered doghole as The Chequers, I am bound to
+say that there are a few cosy, harmless places whereof the loss would be
+a calamity.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I grow weary now, and often at nights, when the vast shadow of the lamp
+shudders on the ceiling and the wind moans hoarsely outside, I fall back
+in sheer luxury on the fine, straight, cut-and-thrust of old Boswell's
+conversations as a relief from the slavering babble which I often hear.
+Being a Loafer is all very good so far; but some of the men (and women)
+who address me use a kind of familiarity that makes me long to lie down
+and die. A man never loses the dandy instinct, and when you come to be
+actually addressed in familiar, or even impudent, terms by a sort of
+promoted housemaid, it makes you long for the soft-voiced, quiet ladies
+to whom a false accent or a shrill word would be a horror.
+
+So long as you are a Loafer you must be prepared to put up with much.
+The better-class artisan is always a gentleman who never offers nor
+endures a liberty; but some of the flash sort are unendurable, and their
+womenkind are worse. With costers and bargemen one can always get on
+familiarly: it is the pretentious, vulgar men and females who are
+horrible.
+
+Often and often I am tempted to creep back among the lights again, and
+feel the old delicate joy from cultured talk, lovely music, steady
+refinement, and beauty. Then comes the reckless fit, and I am off to The
+Chequers. Here is a rhyme which takes my fancy. I suppose it is my own,
+but have quite forgotten:--
+
+    This is the skull of a man,
+      Soon shall your head be as empty:
+    Laugh and be glad while you can.
+
+           *       *       *       *       *
+
+      Where, from the silver that rims it,
+        Glows the red spirit of wine,
+      Once there was longing and passion,
+        Finding a woman divine;
+        Blurred is the finished design,
+      This was the scope of the plan:
+        Death, the dry Jester's old bauble--
+      Drink and be glad while you can.
+      Sorry and cynical symbol,
+        Ghastly old caricature,
+      We, too, must walk in thy footsteps,
+        We but a little endure.
+        Bah! since the end is so sure,
+      Let us out-frolic our span,
+        Death is a hush and a darkness--
+      Drink and be glad while you can.
+
+
+
+
+A QUEER CHRISTMAS.
+
+
+The Loafer seems to have fancied the company of seamen a great deal. At
+The Chequers few of the saltwater fellows fore-gathered, but when they
+did our Loafer was never long in picking them up. Here is one of the
+yarns which he heard. It is stuck in the Diary without reference to
+date, place of hearing, or anything else.
+
+Joe Glenn used to say that the queerest Christmas Day he ever spent fell
+in 1883, the year of the great gale. In that year there was cruel
+trouble, and the number of folks wearing mourning that one met in Hull
+and Yarmouth, and the other places, was enough to make the most
+light-hearted man feel miserable. Black everywhere--nothing but black at
+every turn; and then the women's faces looked so wistful, and the
+children seemed so quiet, that I couldn't bear to walk the streets. The
+women would question any stranger that came from the quays, and they
+scorned to think that there was not always a chance for their men; but
+the dead seamen were swinging about in the ooze far down under the grey
+waves, and the poor souls who went gaping and gazing day after day had
+all their trouble for nothing.
+
+Glenn towed out on the 20th of October, and he cried, "Good-bye, Sal;
+back for Christmas!" as they surged away toward Gorleston. Joe was mate
+of the Esperanza, and he was a very promising chap. He knew his way
+about the North Sea blindfold, and all he didn't know about his trade
+wasn't worth knowing. If you had asked him who Mr. Gladstone was he
+would probably have said, "I've heerd on him," but he could not have
+told you anything about Mr. Gladstone or any other statesman. So far as
+the world ashore went, Joe was as ignorant as a five-year-old child, and
+you would have laughed till you cried had you seen his delight when the
+pictures in a nursery-book were explained to him. It is hardly possible
+to imagine the existence of a grown man who is ignorant of things that
+are known to a child in the infant school; but there are many such
+knocking about at sea. What can you expect? They live amid the moaning
+desolation of that sad sea all the year round; they never used to have
+any schooling, and their world even now is limited by the blank horizon,
+with the rail of their boat for inner barrier. Glenn could very nearly
+read Moore's Almanac, and, as that great work was the only literature on
+board, he often interpreted it, and he was counted a great scholar.
+Then, he could actually use a sextant, and his way of working out his
+latitude was chaste and picturesque. Supposing he made the sun 29 deg.
+18 min., and the declination for the day was 6 deg. 34 min. 22 sec., then
+he put down his figures this way:--
+
+    8948
+    2918
+    6300
+     634
+    5356
+
+and when his chums saw him working out this profound calculation on the
+side of a bucket or on the companion hatch, they would say, "He's a
+wonnerful masterpiece. Yea, but he is, and nothin' but that."
+
+Glenn was daring--but that is nothing to say, for all the fishermen seem
+insensible to fear. He was only once scared, and that was when he found
+a man leaning against the boat one pitch-dark night, just after the
+fishers had hauled. Joe thought the fellow was loafing, so he hit him a
+clout on the head, and made very uncomplimentary remarks. The victim of
+the assault took it very coolly, and one of the crew shouted--
+
+"Don't touch that theer! He come up in the net while you was below."
+
+Then Joe looked at the face, and when he found he had been punching a
+dead man he was sick.
+
+But under any ordinary circumstances you couldn't shake the man's nerve,
+and he was fit to go anywhere, and do anything so far as the sea was
+concerned.
+
+The Esperanza got up to her consorts, and then the usual toilsome
+monotony of the fisherman's life began. At the end of a month Joe looked
+a pretty object, for he had not washed himself all the time, and his
+hair and beard were like rough felt matting. There isn't much time for
+washing in the winter, and the fellows often go for a couple of months
+without feeling any water, except from the seas that are shipped. After
+the month was over the men began to pick up heart, and they notched off
+the days on the beams with much enjoyment.
+
+Joe was like most of the fishermen: he liked to talk to the gulls. You
+see, when you are knocking around for a couple of months, you soon tire
+of your own shipmates, and there is no one else to talk with. The sea
+mostly makes it awkward to put out a boat except for purely business
+purposes, and you gradually get into the way of taking delight in small
+things. Joe would go aft, and call, "Kittee, Kittee--come, Kittee!" Then
+with superb curves the lovely gulls swept round, and remained delicately
+poised over the stern. Joe flung pieces of fish into the air, and kept
+chatting volubly as his pets swooped and squabbled. "Go and tell them
+we're coming, Kittee, my prittee. Only twenty days more and round she
+goes. Tell them we're all well, you sluts, and you'll have plenty of
+fish when we run out again." The gulls are the fisherman's friends, and
+the men insist on crediting the beautiful, rapacious birds with an
+accurate knowledge of human affairs.
+
+So the days flew by, and the time came when sugar--the seaman's luxury
+in winter--began to run short. That was enough to make the fellows sick
+for home, and they were ready to dance for joy when the gay flag was
+hoisted at last. Gaily the Esperanza rattled through the fleet, and
+envious men cried "What cheer!" in a doleful manner. After a twelve
+hours' run the wind fell away, and the sky began to look funny. Hoarse
+vague noises came over the sea, and it seemed as if certain sounds were
+growing weary and swooning away. Little breaths of air came softly--oh,
+so softly, and so deadly cold!--but the tiny puffs were hardly enough to
+send a feather far. The birds wailed a good deal, and when the ducks
+began to cry "Karm, kah-ah-arm," the men shouted, "Billee, run, Billee;
+or I'll bring the policeman!" for all the chaps hate to hear the ducks
+yawping.
+
+Clouds of haze moved around, and when the moon came up she seemed to be
+glowering from her shroud. Joe was anxious to take in something, but the
+skipper said, "Don't think there'll be much of it. We can reef her when
+it comes away. I want to be home." All the night it seemed as though
+something evil were in the air, and even the men below were depressed.
+Sometimes it happens that if you work long in a lonely house, you find
+yourself at night living in dread of some vague ill, and every crack of
+the woodwork is like an ominous message. It is just that way at sea
+before a bad gale.
+
+When Joe saw the moon beginning to paint the clouds with leprous hues,
+and the great ring grew wider and wider, he looked at the mainsail, and
+wished the trouble over. At midnight there came a sigh; then a rattle of
+blocks, and then a big, silent wave came pouring along. Something was
+astir somewhere, and before long the Esperanza's crew knew what was the
+matter. The last glare of wild-fire flushed the sky, and then down came
+the breeze. The Esperanza was as stiff as a house, but it made her lie
+over a little, and she roared along in fine style. In two hours the
+vessel was putting her lee rail nearly under, and a single sharp squall
+would have hove her down, so the hands were called up to reef her. Joe
+was out on the boom, getting the reef-earrings adrift, when the first of
+the chapter of accidents came. A man sang out, "Look out for a drop o'
+water!" and a black mountain smashed over the Esperanza in an instant
+after. Joe saw the third hand slip, and the next second the man was
+whisked overboard. The Esperanza was still smothered, and a stab of pity
+went through Joe's heart as he saw his shipmate wallowing. But he had no
+time for sentiment; he grabbed the reef-earring with his left hand, and
+clutched at the man with his right. When the vessel shook herself, both
+good fellows came inboard, and hung on panting. "No time to lose," said
+Joe; and indeed there wasn't. The spoondrift began to fly so that you
+could not see the moon, and the wind was enough to choke you if you
+faced it. I have heard Joe say that small shot couldn't have hit you
+very much harder than the drift when you looked to windward. Then the
+sea was growing worse every minute, until at last every man on board
+except the skipper wanted to let her ride. But the worthy captain said,
+"If she's got to be smothered, she'll be smothered moving. The nearer to
+home the nearer to help, and she shall go." So the Esperanza tore on
+throughout the awful night with all four of her reefs in, and it was a
+mercy, that she was never badly hit. At dawn the rushing hills of water
+were travelling like lightning. It was just as though some mighty power
+had set an Alpine district moving, and when a vessel soared over the
+crown of a grey mountain she looked like a mere seabird. In the valleys
+of this mad, winding mountain range the whistling hurricane raved and
+whirled, and the drift that was plucked looked like smoke from some
+hellish cauldron. And still the grizzled old skipper would go on, though
+it was touch-and-go every time a sequence of strong seas came howling
+down. The foresail went, and that was bad; but those fine seamen do not
+ever come to the end of their resources so long as life lasts, and they
+got ready to set another as soon as the wind showed the least sign of
+fining off. The Esperanza tore onward, lunging violently, and shaking as
+though she dreaded the grip of some savage pursuer. No wonder the seamen
+speak of a vessel as if she had intelligence; there is something so
+strangely vivid in the expression of a ship that it cannot be expressed
+in words, and I shall not try.
+
+At length Joe sang out, "I reckon that's the Galloper, skipper."
+
+"Right you are, chap! And what's that by the edge of the broken water?
+Wessel, I fancy."
+
+"'Tis a barque, skipper, and he's got 'em flyin'."
+
+The two men watched the vessel a long time, and they determined to run
+down on her as near as might be safe. As they drew on her it appeared
+that she was not actually hard-and-fast, but she was bumping apparently,
+and they guessed she had her anchors out. There is nothing in the way of
+close shaves that a smacksman will not venture, and the Esperanza was
+soon within speaking distance.
+
+"We have a pilot aboard!" sang out someone on deck.
+
+"A lightning sort of pilot to ram her nose on the Galloper!" growled the
+old skipper. "Do you want any assistance?"
+
+"Stand by for a bit and we'll see."
+
+So the Esperanza went to leeward of the shoal and hove-to. Presently the
+stranger signalled, "Come on board of us."
+
+Then Joe said, "That fellow's in a frap before his time, skipper. I
+believe she'll come off when the tide turns. If she does, and we have
+her in charge, that's a nice lump of money for all of us."
+
+"But how are we going to get to him?"
+
+"I'll go," said Joe. "Give me old Bill, and we'll take the boat down on
+him. You get the trawl warp ready, and we'll either tow him or steer
+him."
+
+"Right, chap; over with your boat, lads!"
+
+Then Bill lay down in the boat, Joe put an oar in the sculling-notch,
+and the little thing flew before wind and sea, while the smack drew off
+a little. Presently the bulge of the boat's bow glanced along the ship's
+side, and Joe flung his painter. Then a man clambered on to the rail,
+and Joe roared, "Where are you coming to?"
+
+"I'm the pilot, and I'm coming aboard of you."
+
+"That you're not, you blasted coward! Stay where you are, and we'll see
+if we can't save the wessel."
+
+But the pilot had lost his head. He got ready for a jump; the boat
+lifted, and he sprang; the backwash pushed her out, and the man's left
+foot only just touched the gunwale. He screamed like a woman, gripped
+vainly at the air, and rolled under. A sea drove his head against the
+ship's side; the boat swung with tremendous force. Scraunch! and the
+poor fellow was gone, with his head crushed like a walnut. Joe tried to
+grab him with the boathook, but it was useless, and the unhappy
+poltroon's body was whirled away.
+
+"Here's a nice go for a start! Up with you, Billy!"
+
+Then the two fishermen gained the deck, and found not a soul to meet
+them. "Where the devil are they all?" Joe ran forward, and went below.
+In the dim light he could see little, but he heard a sound as of men
+moaning, and as his sight became accustomed to the dusk he saw several
+swarthy fellows kneeling. They were kissing their crucifixes and making
+a woeful noise. Joe yelled, "Where's your skipper?" but no one heeded
+him, and the moaning prayers went on. With a curse Joe rushed aft. On
+his way he saw the sounding rod, and he shouted, "See how much she's got
+in her, Bill. There's a set of mounseers forrad there, no more good than
+kittens."
+
+Then the mate entered the after-cabin, and found a man on the floor.
+"What cheer, O, what cheer! Tumble up, my daisy!"
+
+The man glared glassily, and muttered, "I speak him Ingleese very
+good."
+
+"Never mind your Ingleese; come on, and make your fellows help to pump."
+The captain rose, reeled, and fell. He was mortal drunk.
+
+"You been do you dam please," he hiccupped; and Joe retired with a
+shrug.
+
+It was clear that the English pilot had run a Spanish ship aground, as
+nearly as possible, and only the two anchors kept her from going hard
+on. The two Englishmen found that the vessel had five feet of water in
+her, and, in their plain, matter-of-fact way, they set to work. Ugly
+washes were coming over, but they lashed themselves to the pump and set
+to work like the indomitable seadogs that they were. They could not make
+her suck, but before they were utterly exhausted they reduced the water
+much, and then they cast themselves clear and began to prepare for the
+tide. They put the fore topsail on her, and then signalled for their own
+vessel. With a last effort they got one anchor, but, when Joe proposed
+trying the other, poor Billy groaned, "That's a pill enough for me, Joe;
+I shall die if we stand to it any more. Slip the other cable, boy." Joe
+agreed; the anchor was lost, and the men prepared for the first creak
+that would show that the tide was coming. The sea seemed to be fining
+off a bit, so they looked round, and found to their horror that the
+rudder was gone. She wallowed. "There she goes, Bill. But Lord, what a
+job! Tell you, the smack must go under bare poles; we'll make her fast
+aft, and she'll steer us."
+
+This was a genuine seamanlike idea, for, of course, the drag of the
+smack would steady the barque, and the two vessels could crawl along
+with some approach to surety. Another roll and groaning of timbers, then
+came a lull and a flaw of wind; the topsail pulled, and, with a long
+grind, the barque rolled off into deep water.
+
+"Hooray! Let her drift as she likes till the skipper gets to us."
+
+Bill jumped into the boat and guided her down wind to the Esperanza. The
+smack came close round, another hand joined Bill, and in half an hour a
+couple of warps were made fast to the Spaniard, and the two vessels went
+on in procession. They could not do so much as a knot per hour, but, at
+all events, they were drawing into open water, and the smack steered the
+barque quite true.
+
+It was a pity that a second hand did not remain with Joe, but no one
+foresaw what would happen. The good mate went below forward, and found
+the men worse than ever from drink, panic, and religion. He tried all he
+knew to fetch them on deck, but nothing would serve. He tried the
+captain, but that worthy seaman was sleeping like a hog, and the cognac
+was running in slavers from his mouth.
+
+"Shouldn't wonder if he has 'em on when he starts on the beer again,"
+muttered Joe. He saw a large sheath-knife, and secured that in his own
+belt; then he took a mouthful of wine, and went to his post.
+
+There was plenty of sea, but the prize was far too valuable to be left,
+and Glenn determined to make a bold bid for fortune. Not a single vessel
+passed them all night, and they were lonely at dawn next day. The
+sailors crept up one by one, but they only gathered in a jabbering knot,
+and scowled at the Englishman heavily. Joe made signs for them to
+turn-to at the pumps, but they scowled still more. Then he signed that
+he wanted something to eat, but the fellows only looked venomous, and
+poor Joe groaned, "To-morrow's Christmas Day, and no tommy to eat--let
+be the pudden!"
+
+It was indeed heartrending; but the skipper was a thoughtful man, and
+when he found that his mate was famine-struck, he risked swamping the
+boat, and sent some beef and biscuit. The shameless Spaniards had plenty
+below, but they were enraged for some reason or other, and they would
+have let their deliverer hunger himself to the bone.
+
+That evening, while Joe was easing the warps by shoving pieces of coir
+where the bite came, he felt a grip on his neck. Like a flash he
+thought, "Now, the knife." He wrenched himself round, and there was the
+Spanish captain, glaring, trembling, and breathing hard.
+
+"See, see! You been help, Ingleese!" and he pointed to the dusk as he
+shrieked.
+
+Joe saw at once that the man was wild with drink, and he put on a smile,
+with a notion of coaxing the captain over. In a little while he managed
+to get him below, and, foolishly, filled him some more cognac. Joe
+thought it best to stupefy the fellow, and the brandy certainly did send
+him to sleep.
+
+That was a bad night, for the wind rose again, and such a sea ran that
+Glenn gave up hope at midnight, and got ready for the worst. At the dawn
+of Christmas Day the skipper offered to relieve him, but the risk would
+have been too much, and the dogged East Coaster stuck to his work,
+though he was aching, drenched, and so sleepy that he did not know how
+to keep his eyes open.
+
+A queer Christmas? Yes, but not much more queer than the Christmas
+passed by thousands of good fellows on that treacherous great channel.
+The warps both parted with an awful jerk at noon, just as Joe was about
+to drink a dismal health to Sal with some of the captain's cognac. He
+took a look round, and, though I cannot say that his courage went, I am
+bound to tell you that a kind of ferocious despair seized on him when he
+found the bargue yawing away from the Esperanza. She might broach-to any
+time, and then all would be over. Poor Joe! Not a soul was there to
+comfort him. The Spanish sluggards came up sometimes and scowled, then
+they went below again. It was cruel work. The skipper of the Esperanza
+made desperate efforts to get up, but dusk fell before he came near,
+and then it was too late to try anything especially as the barque was
+going yard-arm under. Dark fell, and Joe heard moaning and gibbering
+once more. The captain was creeping along the deck, "saying something
+about Madd-ray," as Joe put it. "It was him as was mad," the smacksman
+said, with an attempt at humour. "He made a try to stick me, and I felt
+something sting my arm like a pin going in."
+
+That was true. The maddened drunkard made a staggering attempt to stab
+Glenn, and then, with a yell, he poised on the rail and jumped into the
+sea.
+
+That was really about enough for one Christmas Day, and Joe's nerve was
+all gone.
+
+The cold seemed to grip his blood, for he had taken little good
+nourishment; the vessel was helpless, and there was no shelter from the
+flying rivers of water that came over. Joe felt that strange, hard pain
+across the brows that seizes a man who has been long sleepless, and he
+could have dozed off had it not been for the continual breaking of the
+seas. He saw the Esperanza's lights, and he wished that the boat could
+have been sent, if it were only to give him a little company. The
+rolling of the barque was awful at two in the morning, and, at last, one
+violent kick parted the mizen rigging on the starboard side. Then came
+one vast roll, and a ponderous rush of water, and with a tearing crash,
+the mast went over the side.
+
+Joe edged his way forward, and once more spoke to the gang in the
+forecastle. By dint of signs he made them understand that he wanted a
+hatchet, and he also contrived to let them know that they must go down
+unless the port rigging was severed. For a wonder he got what he wanted,
+and he laboured until his elbows were numbed before the bumping, rolling
+mast was clear.
+
+Four hours till daylight, and wind and sea getting worse. Something must
+be done, or the strained ship would go for a certainty; it only wanted
+one unlucky sea to settle her. But what could one man do? If two of the
+sodden ruffians forrad would only come up, then something might be done;
+but one tired sailor was of little use. Glenn resolved to make one more
+appeal to the Spaniards, for he had a bright plan in his head, and he
+needed no more than the aid of two men to carry it out. A spare mainyard
+was lashed out on deck, and Joe had noticed it with the seaman's quick
+eye when he came on board. If he could only get hold of a spare topsail
+he could save the vessel, and he was ready to go on his knees to the men
+if they would show him a sail locker. After imploring, cursing
+threatening, for five minutes, Joe at last got the mate to lug out a
+sail; then he persuaded a lad who was more sober than the rest to come
+on deck with a lantern. Now, it will be noticed that foreign seamen in
+general are dreadfully afraid of taking to the boat. During this present
+winter our fellows have saved four or five foreign crews, and in every
+case the vessels had their own boats undamaged, but the men dursn't risk
+the trip themselves, so our fishermen had to peril their lives. The
+Spaniard's boat was lashed so that no mortal could get her clear, and
+the little craft was used as a sort of lumber-closet. Glenn had noticed
+some steel rails in the boat, and he guessed that these specimens of
+railway plant were accidentally left out until the hatches had been
+battened down.
+
+He thanked God for the negligence.
+
+Working with desperate speed, he rudely bent the spare sail to the spar;
+then to the lower cloth of the sail he managed to fix two of the weighty
+rails, and then commenced to lug the yard past the vessel's foremast. It
+takes a long time to tell all this, but Joe was not long, though every
+movement was made at the risk of his life. He hacked away two lengths of
+rope measuring each about eighty feet; he made these into bridles,
+knotting one end of each piece to the end of the spar, and taking the
+other ends round the timber-heads. Two pieces of thin rope, hauled out
+of the hamper aft, were made fast to the ends of the steel rails, and
+then Joe made a frantic effort to get his apparatus over the side. No
+good; he must humiliate himself again before those unspeakable aliens.
+Drenched, agonised for lack of sleep, weak with exertion, and bleeding
+from the hustling blows that he had received, the poor soul besought the
+men to lend him a hand, and swore to save them. They understood him fast
+enough, and one peculiarly drunken individual blundered up and obeyed
+Glenn's signs. With a violent effort the spar was hoisted and dropped;
+the steel rails sank, and there was an apparatus like an enormous
+window-blind hanging in the water. The barque soon felt the pull of this
+novel anchor; she swung round, with her head to the sea, and to Joe's
+passionate delight she rode more softly, for the big spar broke every
+sea, and very little water came on board afterwards. The vessel was
+securely moored, for she could not drag that great expanse of canvas
+through the seas.
+
+When the grey light rose, there was quite plenty of sea, but the barque
+was all right, and so was Joe, for he had coolly gone below, and he fell
+asleep, with a thankful heart, on the cabin bench. The ship was quiet as
+a cradle, and the smack's boat got up to her easily. The warps were made
+fast again, and the two vessels once more went away in procession.
+
+This time Joe had English company, and the two men had a good time until
+the tug picked them up off Lowestoft. Joe Glenn had not changed a stitch
+for eleven days, but he did not mind the discomfort the lump of salvage
+made up for much pain and striving.
+
+Joe bought a good cottage with his share, and he was satisfied; but I
+quite agreed with him when he said that his money was hard earned. No
+man ever spent a much queerer Christmas.
+
+
+
+
+JACK BROWN.
+
+
+When I first saw Jack, he had left his vessel at Barking Creek, and he
+was enjoying a very vigorous spree; but he never lost temper or became
+stupefied, and his loud merriment was rather pleasant than otherwise.
+Jack did not look by any means like a rough, for his face had a kind of
+girlish beauty. His dark cheeks were richly flushed, his throat was
+round and white, and his blue eyes twinkled with fun. He stood about six
+feet in height, and he would have made a fine guardsman, for he looked
+as if he had been carefully drilled all his life long. Men who
+habitually exercise every muscle and tendon acquire that graceful
+carriage which belongs to the military gymnast. This fine young fellow
+was full of high spirits and bodily power; courage was so natural to him
+that I do not think such a word as "brave" ever entered his vocabulary.
+He had never been afraid of anything in his life, and it did not occur
+to him to think of danger. When Jack was a little child he was taken out
+to sea in his father's vessel, and henceforth a ship was his only home
+from year's end to year's end. The boy was so daring that he made some
+of the old hands nervous very often, and there were many doleful
+prophecies made regarding the ultimate fate of his carcase. On one blowy
+day when the ships were pitching freely, it happened that Jack's father
+went with fish to the steam cutter, leaving the urchin on deck. As the
+old man drew back within a quarter-mile of his smack, he saw a black
+figure clambering along the gaff, and he knew that it was Jack. Young
+Hopeful crawled from the throat of the gaff to the very end of the spar,
+and then proceeded to swarm up the gaff halyards--a most perilous
+proceeding. The father was aghast; he whispered hurriedly, "Pull, for
+God's sake; she'll roll him overboard before we get up." But the young
+monkey did not part with his hold so easily, and he came down by the
+rings of the mainsail without so much as grazing his shins.
+
+In every vessel the men must have a plaything, and Jack served his
+bigger comrades admirably in that capacity. Had not his father been on
+board, the lad might have been ill-used in the horrible way so common in
+the old days; but the stern skipper allowed no rough play, and the boy
+was merely set on to perform harmless tricks. Once the men dared him to
+climb down the bobstay, and he instantly tried; but he gave the crew a
+scare, for he could not climb back after the vessel had dipped him a few
+times, and, last of all, the boat was towered to rescue him. In hard
+weather and amid hard work, Jack grew steadily in strength and skill. I
+have seen him at work and he made me shudder, although the sight of his
+amazing agility might have given anybody confidence. On wet nights when
+the deck was like a rink, he would make a rush as the boat pitched; then
+he would pick up his rope unerringly in the dark and, in another second,
+you would see him over the side with one foot on the trawl-beam in an
+attitude risky enough to make you want to close your eyes.
+
+It was nothing much to see him take a flying spring on to the main boom
+in the dark, and hang there reefing while the vessel jerked so that you
+might have fancied she must send his ribs through the skin. I say it was
+nothing, because he performed this feat nearly every winter night, after
+the midnight haul, and the spectacle grew common. I never knew him
+bungle over a rope or make a bad slip, and it was simply a pleasure to
+see him steer. He never threw away an inch, and his way of stealing foot
+by foot was worthy of any jockey. Sometimes when I was at the wheel and
+running a little to leeward of another vessel, he would say, "I reckon I
+can weather him, sir, if you let me have her a bit;" and then, with
+delicate touches and catlike watching of every puff and every send of
+the sea, he would edge his way up, and pass his opponent neatly.
+
+Most wonderful of all it was to see Jack handling the small boat in
+heavy weather. While the wee cockle-shell was rolling and bungling under
+our quarter, he would jump on the rail, measure his distance perfectly,
+spring on to the boat's gunwale and fend her off before she made the
+return roll. A marvellous performance that was, and the marvel only
+increased when you saw the young fellow pitching heavy boxes of fish on
+to the deck of the great steam cutter.
+
+With a roar, and a savage sweep the big seas came; on their mountainous
+sides the shrill eddies of wind played, and the lines of foam twined in
+wavering mazes. Hill on hill gathered, and the seas looked like swelling
+Downs piled heap on heap, while the sonorous crests roared on hoarsely,
+and sometimes the face of the wild water was obscured in the white smoke
+plucked off by the gusts.
+
+Jack did not mind weather; the steamer hurled herself up on the bulge of
+a sea, and then you could get a glimpse of a tall, lithe figure,
+straining in the small boat alongside the rearing iron hulk. That
+splendid, lithe young lad performed prodigies of strength and courage;
+the hulk and the little boat sank down,--down until the steamer's
+mast-head disappeared; then with a rush the wave slid away, and the
+craft came toppling down the hither side of the mountain, and still that
+lithe figure was there, toiling fiercely and cleverly. Soon with a bound
+and a loud laugh, he was on board of us again, and no one could tell
+from one tremor of his merry, tawny face that he had been, of a truth,
+looking into the very jaws of death.
+
+This splendid man was innocent as a child of all worldly affairs
+unconnected with the sea. He once told me, "I can make a shift to get
+along with an easy book; but if I come to a hard word, I cry
+'Wheelbarrows,' and skip him." On his own topics he was very sensible,
+and no owner could have found fault with him had he not been just a
+little racketty on shore. In my refined days I remember reading in one
+of Thackeray's books about a young lord who was much loved by one Henry
+Esmond: My friend Jack was very like that young man, and you could not
+get vexed with him,--or, at any rate, you could not keep vexed very
+long.
+
+We soon made friends in The Chequers, and before midnight we were
+confidential. On my expressing wonder at seeing a Barking lad among us,
+Jack winked with profound meaning, and said, "I ain't Barking at all,
+only for this trip. My gal's a Lowestoft gal, and she've come up here,
+so I'm ready for her Sunday out to-morrow. See?"
+
+Our second interview took place next day, and I saw the sweetheart. She
+was an ordinary pretty servant-girl, such as most of the fishermen pick
+up when they marry out of their own class; but I could see that she was
+likely to make some difference in John's rather convivial habits. She
+spoke like an ignorant woman with strong natural sense, and when Jack
+proposed having some beer, she said, "Ay, so! That's the way you fare to
+go. I've seen them, as soon as ever they leaves the pay-office, turning
+into the public-house. And a master lot o' good that do, doan't it now?
+Men workin' like beasts for two months, and then dropping all their
+money into the till in a week, and then off to sea short of clothes,
+besides very likely getting into trouble. Nay! Have yow a glass of ale
+if yow care, but no good never come on it, what I know. Leastways, not
+for men that goes to the sea."
+
+So Jack and I deferred to Sally's opinion--until nine o'clock in the
+evening, and then we made up for lost time. It was amusing to see the
+cool way in which the handsome lad parted from his sweetheart. They had
+not met for two months, and yet I do not believe that they exchanged
+kisses either at meeting or parting.
+
+These folk are strangely undemonstrative. They are fond of each other,
+and most faithful, but they show nothing. On a grim morning after a
+gale, when the vessels are towing up with flags half-mast high, the
+women will gather on the tow-path and by the quays; you see white, drawn
+faces, but rarely a tear. The bleak, perilous life of the men seems to
+be known intimately to the women, and they accept the worst fortune with
+a dry pathos that is heartbreaking. Jack and his sweetheart were in the
+flush of youth--nay, of physical beauty; they were passionately fond of
+each other; and they parted like casual strangers. When Jack went again
+below to the filthy, frowsy cabin of the smack, and thought over the
+months of cold, toil, drenching weather, and hard fare, I have no doubt
+but that he thought of the pretty girl, but he said very little, and
+larked on as usual as soon as he got over his parting carouse.
+
+For several trips after this, my handsome fellow was wild and careless;
+his splendid constitution enabled him to drink with impunity the
+abominable stuff sold by the Copers, and he was merely merry when older
+soakers were delirious. His father and he parted, and the old man
+stayed at home as ship's husband to a firm of smack owners, and the lad
+had his head free. He was as desperately brave as ever, for the subtle
+poison was long in attacking his nerve; but many of his ways were queer,
+and the men who went home in the returning smacks carried unpleasant
+reports about him. At times, like Robert Burns, George Morland, and men
+of that kidney, he would give way to a passionate burst of repentance;
+but in his case the repentance always departed with the return of health
+and buoyancy.
+
+One night he stayed on board a coper until a breeze came away; he then
+insisted on straddling across the bow of the boat on the return journey,
+and he lost his grip for once in his life and went overboard. A dip of
+that sort, with heavy sea-boots on, is rather dangerous, and Master Jack
+felt as though all the water in the North Sea was dragging at his legs;
+but he was hauled in at last. Even that experience only cured him for a
+week, and then his resorts to the brandy-bottle began again.
+
+At last, when he was putting fish aboard the carrier, a letter was
+handed to him; he looked at it with rough tenderness, and crammed it,
+all greasy and gruesome, under his jumper. On getting aboard, he went to
+a quiet corner where the men could not tease, and he read,
+
+"Dear John,--I write these few lines hoping you are quite well as this
+leaves me at present, but i don't think as you can be well if all is
+trew as we hear you are very wild and you ont have no money to come home
+if you doant watshe it. You must either stop the beer or stop goin with
+me and then my heart would be broak, every girl I see which married a
+drinking man has supped sorrow for sertain, and the man the same, and
+you will be just the same. Pray, my dear, do take the right tirning, or
+I must keap my word. So no more at present from your loveing SARAH
+KERRISON."
+
+Jack cursed once, and then muttered "Werra well, let her. Let her go and
+take on some one better;" but he was amazingly unhappy despite his
+defiance, and his unhappiness drove him to frantic excesses. He used to
+scare his companions by saying, "If God takes my girl, they can talk
+about Him as they like, but He shan't take my soul, not if I damn for
+it." Then when the shuddering men said, "For mercy's sake, shut up.
+It's enough to sink the wessel," he would make answer, "Werra good, let
+her sink; and the sooner the better."
+
+The days wore away, and the time came for Jack to run home. The smack
+was well clear of the fleets and spinning along nicely to southward on a
+dark night, and Jack was at the wheel. His nerve was just a little
+touched, and he muttered, "This is a devil of a night. I wish we were
+well home."
+
+It was indeed a weird night; the wind thrummed on the cordage; the gaff
+whistled with tremulous sounds, as though some frightened soul were
+shivering at the mast-head; and when the inky waves rolled out of the
+gloom, they showed no definite shape--only a sliding dark cloud fringed
+with white flame. There is always a steady roar from the sails, and one
+hears it better at night; Jack had often heard the roar rise to a howl,
+but no noise that ever he knew had such effect on him as the rushing
+moan from the sails that night.
+
+There are only two men in a watch on board a smack, and it often happens
+that one will go below to fetch some of the tea which the seamen drink
+so insatiably. Jack's mate was below, but the helmsman had no fear, as
+all was clear. He mused on, always peering sharply round for a few
+minutes when suddenly, over the haze which was rising, he saw a white
+light, and then the loom of a green. "All right; well clear," he
+muttered. "Glad the fog's no higher. Why doesn't he use his whistle?"
+Then, with the suddenness of lightning, he found the red light opened on
+him, and, with a chill at his heart, he discovered that he could not get
+his own vessel out of the road. Once he sang out, and then came the
+looming of a black mountain over him. Until the monster's stem took him
+on the quarter and the smack hurled over--hustled into the sea by the
+impetus of the steamer--Jack never left go of his wheel; he had a few
+seconds, and, with his nimble spring, he rushed to the mizen rigging,
+nicked the strings of one lifebuoy; lifted another from forward of the
+companion, and then made his rush for the forehatch.
+
+"All out. No time for the boats!"
+
+One man sprang up panting and Jack said, "Here you are, Harry. Shove
+that on, and jump. Jump to windward." The smack reared up; there was a
+long crashing rush of the swift water; then Jack saw the liquid darkness
+over him, and he was just beginning to hear that awful buzzing in the
+ears when, with a roar, he felt the upper air swoop round him.
+
+He could just see a coil of foam on the blackness to mark where the
+smack had gone down, and, as he cleared his eyes, he saw the cloudy
+shape of the steamer far away. "Harry, boy!" he sang out, but Harry must
+have been hit by a spar, and Jack Brown was left alone on that bleak,
+black waste of wandering water.
+
+"A lingering death," he murmured, as he felt the spray cut round his
+head; but he struggled resolutely to keep his face front the set of the
+sea, and the buoy supported him bravely. His thoughts ran on things
+past; he had spoken unkindly of Sally, behind her back; he had been
+tipsy--Ah! how often! Then he thought, "Shall I pray and repent?" All
+the dare-devil in the deluded lad's soul arose at this question, and he
+snarled "No. Blowed if I snivel just yet, only because I'm in a bad
+way." Oh, Jack, Jack! And the deep grave weltering below you, and only a
+ring of cork and oilskin to keep you out of that cold home. Was there
+never a shudder as you thought of the crowding fishes? Their merciless
+cold eyes! Their grey, slimy skin! But Jack was at that day a reckless
+fellow, and he lived to be passionately sorry for his splenetic madness.
+
+The cold grew worse and worse, and it seemed to creep toward Jack's
+heart. He gave one cry, and instantly he heard a faint answer. Could it
+be the scream of a gull? Nay, they rest at night. He called again, and
+the voice of his agony was answered by a loud hail; then a flare was
+lit, and Jack knew that the steamer's boat had been searching for him.
+
+"Easy. Shove the painter under his arms, and then two of you haul."
+
+So Jack was plumped into the boat, and lay limp and sick. In an hour he
+was warm asleep in his berth on board the steamer, and, I am afraid to
+say that he begged hard for a pipe before he dozed over.
+
+The steamer took him home, and he was received in a matter-of-fact way
+by his people. He had had a dousing! Yes, but it was all in the day's
+work. That is the way in which the good folk talk.
+
+Jack was never the same again, and some of the old men said "he looked
+as if he had seen something." Yes, he had seen something, and he said to
+Sally, "All right about that letter of yours. Let it stick to the wall."
+The man was very grave and kind, and he spoke freely to those of his
+cronies who were on shore; but he would not go near his old haunts, and
+some people thought he must have got religious. Perhaps he had. At any
+rate something that happened not long afterwards made the supposition
+probable. Jack was on the Ter Schelling bank when his turn came to go
+home again, and he was moodily wondering whether any such ordeal would
+ever be put on him as that which he endured when the steamer sank his
+vessel.
+
+The weather looked ugly; the glass went fast down, and a wild and
+leprous-looking moon shone lividly through a shifting mask of troubled
+clouds. A sullen calm fell, and the smack rolled with clashing blocks
+and groaning spars, making night hideous. In the morning a gale broke
+and soon came a blinding fall of snow. It was impossible to see many
+yards through the rushing drift of murky yellow, but Jack took in all
+four reefs, and ran on with a rag of sail and a three-cloth jib.
+
+It was not a sea that came away; it was a mere enormous cataract that
+poured on irresistibly. Jack knew that so long as he could keep the boat
+moving, he might escape having his decks stove in, so he determined to
+try it--neck or nothing. No man on board knew when the sea might come
+which would heave her down, and they watched grimly as the gallant craft
+tore on. Some wanted to heave-to, but the skipper knew that he would
+stand a good chance of being smothered that way, and he resolved to get
+as near home as possible, in case the hurricane grew worse. After boring
+for ten hours in the worst of the tremendous sea, he saw a vessel to
+leeward of him, flying signals of distress. She was sinking, and her
+boat was smashed. The mate said, "That poor chap on't see land." Jack
+thought a little, and then he said, "I'm going to try. Out with your
+boat." Discipline on board the smacks is not very strict, and the men
+were inclined to question the wisdom of Jack's proposal; but Englishmen
+always lean to humanity, and with a little persuasion, all hands
+volunteered. Jack took one unmarried man, and then coolly proceeded to
+make his wild attempt. It was a forlorn kind of chance for everybody,
+but as Jack said, "I was saved once, and I know what them poor bloods
+feel like."
+
+The little boat had first of all to run down on the sinking smack, and
+then, at the risk of capsizing, Jack's vessel ran to leeward and came
+round, sending everything shaking as she came up. Only desperately brave
+and supremely kindly people would have dared such a thing, and even the
+skipper of the foundering vessel said, "Well, chaps, I thought no one
+but a mad one would a-tried it on; but Gord bless you all the same."
+
+After that, Jack was obliged to let go his anchor within sound of
+breakers, and his fight with death lasted all night. The lifeboats could
+not get out to him, and he could only pray that the snow-curtain might
+lift. In the morning a slant of wind came which enabled him to get away
+from the gnashing breakers, and he got in with the loss of his gaff.
+Sally was home for Christmas-time, and she was mighty proud when no less
+a person than the Mayor presented Jack with a town's subscription, which
+was quite enough to fit up a house.
+
+Jack is my favourite of all the loose fish I have known, and if ever I
+take up my place again--alas!--I shall have him with me, and make him
+live ashore.
+
+
+SWIFT & Co., Printers, 2, Newton Street, High Holborn, W.C.
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's note
+
+The following typos have been corrected in the text:
+
+Page Problem                     Correction
+
+10   to a a queer                to a queer
+14   found       the             found that the
+16   the nthe                    then the
+21   had manage                  had managed
+30   everybody, The              everybody. The
+74   How is this?                "How is this?
+79   laulo Rye.                  laulo Rye."
+79   Rye.                        Rye.)
+95   We must have                "We must have
+95   enagagement                 engagement
+125  No one better               "No one better
+129  you are touched             you are touched.
+130  convervation                conversation
+137  fraced                      traced
+141  youself                     yourself
+143  six at night                six at night.
+143  all the day                 all the day.
+162  Ned Donnelly's?             Ned Donnelly's.
+200  ower                        power
+201  Do you want                 "Do you want
+208  bargue                      barque
+
+The following words with and without hyphenation were left as in the text:
+
+arm-pits    armpits
+mast-head   masthead
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Chequers, by James Runciman
+
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+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #18510 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/18510)