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diff --git a/18510.txt b/18510.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..be3f7a3 --- /dev/null +++ b/18510.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4934 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Chequers, by James Runciman + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Chequers + Being the Natural History of a Public-House, Set Forth in + a Loafer's Diary + +Author: James Runciman + +Release Date: June 5, 2006 [EBook #18510] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CHEQUERS *** + + + + +Produced by Steven Gibbs, LN Yaddanapudi and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + +THE CHEQUERS: +BEING THE + +Natural History of a Public-house, + +SET FORTH IN + +_A LOAFER'S DIARY_. + + +EDITED BY + +JAMES RUNCIMAN, +AUTHOR OF "SKIPPERS AND SHELLBACKS," ETC. + + +London: +WARD AND DOWNEY, +12, YORK STREET, COVENT GARDEN, W.C. + + +[ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.] + + + + +Dedication. + + +TO +PHILIP WOOD AND JOHN WOOD, +OF +SOUTH SHIELDS. + +GENTLEMEN,--This record of ruined lives is inscribed to you, for it is +mainly owing to you that I have gained such gruesome experience. From +the day when, as a boy of seventeen, I formed my connection with your +honourable house, I have owed my professional success to your culture, +your generosity, and your admirable relations with the police force. My +Sovereign and many other people have been pleased to approve my strange +labours; but my chief distinction in life arises from my being your +relative. With feelings which I cannot describe, + +I remain, + +Your obliged and grateful, + +JAMES RUNCIMAN. + + + + +CONTENTS. + + PAGE +INTRODUCTION 1 +THE WANDERER 6 +THE PINK TOM CAT 23 +TEDDY 46 +THE WANDERER AGAIN 64 +THE ROBBERY 77 +ONE OF OUR ENTERTAINMENTS 92 +MERRY JERRY AND HIS FRIENDS 108 +THE GENTLEMAN, THE DOCTOR, AND DICKY 123 +POACHERS AND NIGHTBIRDS 140 +JIM BILLINGS 155 +OUR PARLOUR COMPANY 175 +A QUEER CHRISTMAS 192 +JACK BROWN 215 + + + + +THE CHEQUERS. + +INTRODUCTION. + + +It is risky to go home with some of the company from the Chequers, for +good-fellowship is by no means fostered in the atmosphere of a +public-house. The creatures who write about the cheerful glass, and the +jovial evening, and the drink that mellows the heart, know nothing of +the sad work that goes on in a boozing-place, while the persons who draw +wild pictures of impossible horrors are worse than the hired men who +write in publican's papers. It is the plain truth that is wanted, and +one year of life in a public-house teaches a man more than all the +strained lectures and colourless statistics. I am going to give a series +of pictures that will set forth every phase of public-house life. It is +useless to step casually into a bar, and then turn out a flashy +article. If you want to know how Drink really acts on the inner life of +this nation you must actually live among the forlorn folk who drink +Circe's draught, and you must live as their equal, their friend, their +confidant. I am a Loafer, and not one of the gang at The Chequers would +ever dream of regarding me as anything but an equal. My friend Donkey +Perkins, the fighting man, curses me with perfect affability and I am on +easy terms with about one hundred costermongers. If a "gentleman" went +among them he could learn nothing. Observe the hush that falls on the +babble of a tap-room if any well-dressed person goes in; listen to the +hum of warning, and then notice the laboured hypocrisy of the talk that +goes on so long as the stranger is there. I have seen that odd change +scores of times, and I know that nothing can be more curious than the +contrast between the scrappy, harmless chat that goes on while the +representative of respectability is there, and the stupid, frank +brutalities which the advent of the visitor silenced. + +At nights I go home with one after another of my set, and at merry +seasons we stay together till early morning. They throw off all disguise +before me, and even the thieves are not afraid. When once you are on +level terms with the community you begin to see what is the true result +of drink. The clergyman, the district visitor, the professional +slummer--all the people who "patronise"--never learn the truth, and they +positively invite the wastrel classes to lie. + +Some time ago I read some "revelations" which made a great stir in the +country. The writer was accused of publishing obscenities, but what +struck me most in his work was its absolute display of ignorance. The +poor, innocent man had listened to stories which were told in the +dialect that is used to impress outsiders, and I laughed as I seemed to +hear the very tones of some shady gentry of my own acquaintance. The +unhappy vendor of revelations went among his subjects of study for six +weeks, and then set up as an authority. Of course, the acute, sleazy +dogs whom he questioned kept back everything that was essential, and +filled their victim's mind with concoctions which amused professional +blackguards for a month. Could that literary adventurer only have heard +the criticism which daily met my ear, he would have found that many +eager souls were longing for a chance to plunder such an obvious "mug." +Another writer, whose works appear in a morning journal, professes to +make flying visits to various queer places, and his articles are +published as facts; but I had the chance of testing the truth of two +tales which dealt with official business, and I found that these two +were false from end to end. Not only were they false, but they +illustrate nothing, for the writer did not know the conditions of the +life which he pretended to describe, and his fiction misled many +thousands. Experience, then--sordid, miserable, long experience--is +needed before anyone can speak the truth concerning the life of what +Carlyle called "the scoundrel classes." The same experience only can +teach you anything about the poor. The scoundrels do not actually +confide in anybody, and I never yet knew one of them who would not turn +on a confederate; but they exhibit themselves freely before people to +whom they have become used. It unfortunately happens that the +scoundrels and the dissolute poor are much thrown together. A man may +be a hopeless drunkard without being a rascal, but the rascals and the +boozers are generally taken in the lump by persons of a descriptive turn +of mind. That is faulty natural history. The chances are always ten to +one in favour of the boozer's becoming a criminal; but we must +distinguish between those who have taken the last bad step and those who +are merely qualifying. And now for our history. + + + + +THE WANDERER. + + +The bar was very much crowded last night, and the air was impregnated to +choking point with smoke and evil exhalations. The noisy times on +Saturdays come at 2 p.m., and from ten till closing time. In the +afternoon a few labourers fuddle themselves before they go home to +dinner, and there is a good deal of slavering incoherence to be heard. +From seven to eight in the evening the men drop in, and a vague murmur +begins; the murmur grows louder and more confused as time passes, and by +ten o'clock our company are in full cry, and all the pipes are in full +blast. When I stole quietly in, I thought the scene was hideous enough +in its dull way. The gas flared with drowsy refulgence through the reek, +and the low masks of the roaring crew somehow left on me an impression +that I was gazing on _one_ bestial, distorted face. A man who is a +racecourse thief and "ramper" hailed me affably. A beast of prey he is, +if ever there was one. His hatchet face with its piggish eyes, his thin, +cruel lips, his square jaw, are all murderous, and, indeed, I cannot +help thinking that he will commit a murder some day. When he is in his +affable mood he is very loathsome, but I cannot afford to loathe anyone, +and we smile and smile, though we dislike each other, and though the +Ramper hardly knows what to make of me. When I first made his +acquaintance we were on our way to a race meeting, and he proposed to +give me his company. Like all of his class, he knew many "certainties," +and he offered, with engaging frankness, to put me in the way of +"gittin' a bit." The racing blackguard never talks of money; indeed, his +obliquity of mind prevents him from calling anything by its right name. +For him the world is divided between those who "have got it"--_it_ being +money--and those who mean to "get a bit" by any means, fair or foul. On +that day, long ago, this creature fancied that I had some money, and he +was determined, to rob me somehow. I let him imagine that he was +leading me on, for there is no luxury that I enjoy more than watching a +low, cunning rogue when he thinks he is arranging a successful swindle. +I was introduced to a thoroughly safe man. The safe man's face was +almost as villanous as that of my mentor, and his manners were, perhaps, +a little more offensive. Our first bet closed all transactions between +us; as I fully expected, I obtained a ridiculously liberal price, and I +_won_. On my proposing a settlement, the capitalist glared virtuously +and yelled with passion--which was also what I expected. Then came my +mentor, and softly remarked, "Don't go and queer his pitch. Here's a lot +on 'em a-comin', and they'll be all over you if you say a word. Wait +till he gits a bit and he'll pay." This was also what I expected. We +happened to be in an enclosed ground, so I managed to keep my eye on the +capitalist, and the unhappy being vainly strove to dodge away. Catching +him in the act of sneaking through the turnstile, I touched him gently, +and then beckoned to a policeman. No welsher can hope for admission to +one of the enclosed courses after he is once fairly caught, and my +victim whimpered, "Come in yere and 'ave a drink." Then he said, "Look +yere, I ain't got a bloomin' 'alf dollar but what I 'ad off o' you. I +walked down this mornin', and hadn't only the gate-money, and your pal +laid me on to you. Say nothin' this time. I ain't had no grub to-day. +Give us a chance. 'Twas your pal as put me on, mind. Brandy cold, if you +don't mind." + +The ineffable impudence of the capitalist's request made it hard for me +to keep from laughing; I let him go, and I fear that he and the Ramper +made further attempts on the idiots who throng the Silver Ring. + +That same evening Mr. Ramper made his last effort to practise on me. We +were straddling among a sporting group in The Chequers bar, when he +said, "Better settle over Dexter." "Dexter? What about Dexter?" "Didn't +you take Dexter agin' Folly?" "Not such a mug." Then the hound raised +his voice in the fashion of his tribe. "You goin' to welsh me, are you? +You don't mean to pay that ten bob? I'll 'ave it out of your bloomin' +liver!" All this was uttered in a yell which was intended to draw +attention, and the creak of the brute's voice made me inclined to dash +my fist in his vile face. But I only grinned and said "What a poor liar +you are." + +The more the Ramper screeched, the more I laughed; he durst not strike, +and at last, when I reminded him that he had already divided a little +plunder with the capitalist, he grumbled a curse or two and lapsed into +affability. You cannot shame one of these beings, and the Ramper is now +on the most confidential terms with me. I am very glad we did not fight, +because he introduced me to one of the most interesting and estimable of +all my acquaintances. Said the Ramper, blowing his sickly breath into my +very ear, "There's a bloke yere as knows suthin' good for Lincoln. Up in +the corner there. Let's sit down." Within a minute I found myself +talking to a queer, battered man, who bent moodily over his glass of +gin and stole furtive glances at me with bleared, sullen eyes. His blood +was charged with bile, and he could not prevent the sudden muscular +twitchings of his hands. His knuckles were swollen, and his fingers were +twisted slightly. Evidently he was diseased to the very bone through +alcoholic excesses. He was dressed in a shiny overcoat, and his bony +shanks threatened to pierce his trousers. When he pushed back his rakish +greasy hat, he showed a remarkably fine forehead--well filled, strong, +square--but he had the weakest and most sensual mouth I ever saw. There +was scarcely a sign of a lower jaw, and the chin retreated sharply from +the lip to the emaciated neck. + +My man spoke with a deep voice that contrasted oddly with his air of +debility, and I noticed that he not only had a good accent, but his +words were uttered with a deliberate attempt at formal and polished +elocution. We talked of horse-racing, and he mouthed out one speech +after another with a balanced kind of see-saw, which again and again ran +into blank verse. I said, "You have something good for Lincoln, I hear. +Any chance of being on?" He replied, "I heed no fairy tales or boasting +yarns. When a man says he has a certainty, I tell him to his face that +he's a liar. The ways of chance are far beyond our ken, and I can but +say that I try. Information I have. From Newmarket I receive daily +messages, and I have as much chance of being right as other men have; +but you know what the Bard says. Ah! what a student of human nature +that man was! What an intellect! In apprehension how like a god! You +know what he says of prophecy and chance? I only fire a bolt at a +venture, and if my venture don't come off, then I say, 'Pay up and look +pleasant.'" + +The majestic roll of his speech was very funny, and he poured forth his +resonant periods as though I had been standing at a distance of twenty +yards. As the gin stirred his sluggish blood he became more and more +declamatory, and when at last he fairly yelled, "I am a gambler. I could +not brook life if I had no excitement. It is my very blood. Yet, think +not my words are false as dicers' oaths," and waved his right hand with +a lordly gesture, I thought, "An old actor, for certain." So long as his +senses remained he talked shrewdly about betting, and his remarks were +free from the mingled superstition and rascality which make ordinary +racing talk so odious; but when he began to drink rapidly he soon became +violent, and finished by carrying on like a madman. He shouted passages +from "Hamlet" and "Coriolanus" with ear-splitting fervour, and at last +he drew a universal protest from the rest of our crew, who are +certainly not sensitive. Then his yell grew maudlin. "Why did God make +me thus? Why do I grunt and sweat under the burden of a weary life? Give +me, ah, give me the days that are gone!" Then he fell alongside of the +bench, and presently his long, gurgling snore sounded fitfully. "Let him +sweat there till closing time; he'll be quiet enough," said Mr. +Landlord; and sure enough the orator lay until the hour had struck. He +shivered when he rose, and his knees were like to fail him. "Heavens! +what a mouth I've got!" he moaned, and I could see that the deadly, +bitter fur had already covered his palate. "Take a flask home, Billy, +and pull yourself together when you turn in." Billy grabbed fiercely at +the air. "These infernal flies have started early." The specks were +dancing before his eyes, and I fancy he had an ugly night before him; +but I didn't see him home. + +THURSDAY.--I have found out a good deal about my stagy friend, and we +are quite confidential, especially late at night. He weeps plenteously +and recalls his own sins, but I think he is fairly truthful. A moving, +sordid history is his. Moralising is waste of time, but one might +almost moralise to the extent of boredom concerning the life of Billy +Devine, boozer, actor, betting-man. + +Devine's peculiarly grandiose mode of telling his story was rather +effective at first hearing, but it would read like a burlesque, so I +translate his narrative into my own dialect. He was a quick, clever lad, +and the culture bestowed in a genteel academy was too narrow for him. He +read a great deal of romance, and still more poetry. He neglected his +school lessons, and he was dismissed after a few years as an incurable +scamp. + +No sort of steady work suited Devine; his fatal lack of will was +supplemented by an eager vanity, and he was only happy when he was +attracting notice. Now that he is matured, he is gratified if he can +make drunken costermongers stare, so he must have been a very forward +creature when his conceit was in full blossom. He began by spouting +little recitations, and gradually practised until he could take his part +in amateur stage performances. As he put it, "I found that the majesty +of Coriolanus and the humour of Paul Pry were alike within my compass, +and I impartially included both these celebrated parts in my +_repertoire_." Nothing ever diverts a stage-struck youth from his fell +purpose unless he is absolutely pelted off the boards. Devine loathed +his office; he hated the sight of a business letter, and he finally +appeared in a wretched provincial booth, where he earned seven shillings +per week in good times: the restraints of respectability were to hamper +him no more. Through all his miserable wanderings I tracked him, for he +kept playbills, and each bill suggested some quaint or sordid memory. I +felt something like a lump in my throat when he said, "Now, dear friend, +at this place I played once the 'The Stranger' and 'The Idiot Witness,' +and for two days my comrade and I had nothing to eat. On one eventful +night we saw some refuse fish being wheeled off in a barrow, and we +begged leave to abstract a fish, which was--I say it without fear of +contradiction--the knobbiest and scaliest member of the finny tribe. +Sir, we tried to skin this animal and failed. Then we scraped him, and +the moving question arose, What about fire? Luckily the landlady had +left a lamp on the stairs. My inventive faculties were bestirred. The +LAMP! No sooner said than the fish was placed on the fire-shovel, and we +then took turns to move the shovel backwards and forwards over the lamp. +Regardless of that woman's loud inquiries about the smell, which was in +truth, sir, very overpowering, we pursued our joint labours until two in +the morning, and then the brute was only _half_ raw. One penknife was +our sole cutlery; but we managed to cut through the skin, and we +devoured the oily stuff like famished hounds, sir. We were ashamed; but, +as the poet truly observes, 'Necessity knows no law,' and we endured the +scurrilous language of the woman when, on the morrow, she found the +bottom of the shovel encrusted with dirt and the top thickly coated with +grease. That fish saved us, sir." + +Little by little Devine worked his way towards London, and at length he +appeared in a West-end theatre. His reminiscences of the stars are +impressive, but we need not deal with them; it is enough to say that he +was successful--and in light comedy no less. About this time he began to +have his photograph taken very frequently, and the portraits made me +feel sad. This dull, sodden man was once a handsome fellow, alert, well +poised, brave and cheerful. The profile which I saw in the photographs +somehow made me think of an arrow-head on the upward flight; that, lower +jaw, which is now so flabby and slobbery was once well rounded, and the +weakness was not unpleasantly evident. I often wonder that human vanity +has not done away with alcoholism. Men are vain animals, yet a +good-looking fellow, who could never pass a mirror without stealing a +quiet look, will cheerfully go on drugging himself until every feature +is transformed. I have seen the process of facial degradation carried +through in so many cases that I can tell within a little how long a man +has been a drinker, and that with no other guide than the standard of +graduated depravity which is in my mind, and which I instinctively +consult. Devine must have been attractive to women, for they certainly +did their best to spoil him, if one may judge by the collection of faded +notes which he retains. He met his fate at last. A pretty, sentimental +girl fell in love with him, and pressed him to make an appointment with +her, so the dashing young actor arranged to meet the love-stricken +damsel at Hampton Court. The flowers of the chestnuts were splendid, +and the spirit of May was in the air. "I seem to see the same sunshine +and the same flowers very often, even when I'm too jumpy to know what is +going on all round," said the poor, battered man. The girl sobbed and +trembled. "I couldn't help it; I had to meet you, and, Oh, if father +knew, I believe he'd beat me." Devine found out that the lady was the +daughter of a very rich tradesman, and he was not by any means +displeased, for romantic actors have just as keen an eye to business as +other folk. Before the pleasant afternoon closed, he had gained +permission to call the truant Letty, and she primmed her rosy lips as he +taught her to say Will. Decidedly Mr. Devine was no laggard in love. + +Indiscreet little Letty found means to steal away from home time after +time, and her stock of fibs must have been varied and extensive, for +three months passed before the inevitable catastrophe came. + +"This is Aunt Lizer, is it?" + +Devine and Miss Letty were walking in a secluded corner of Wimbledon +Common when a loud voice spoke thus. Letty screamed, and turned to face +a stout, red-faced man who stood glaring ominously. + +Devine, after the approved stage fashion, said "May I ask the meaning of +this intrusion?" + +"Meanin'! You talk about meanin' to John Billiter? See this stick? I'll +meanin' you! This is my daughter, and I'll thank you to tell me who +_you_ are." Need I say that Devine rose to the occasion? He recited to +me a portion of the reply which he made to the aggrieved parent, and I +can fully believe that that worthy man was surprised. "The Rivals," "The +Hunchback," "Romeo and Juliet," and other dramatic works were ransacked +for phrases, and the stately periods flowed on until Mr. Billiter +gasped, "Damn it, gal!--do you mean to say you've deceived your father +so you might git out along of a blanked lunatic?" This was too much. +Devine observed with majesty, "Sir, I can pardon much to the father of +the lady whom I love; but there are limits, sir. Beware!" + +"You come along to the trap, you hussy; and as for you mister, let me +ketch you anywhere near our place and I'll turn the yard dog out on +you!" + +Poor Letty was severely shut up at home. Her father questioned her much, +and when he heard at length that the flashy young man was an actor, he +gave one choking yell, and sat down in limp fashion. All the rest of the +day he muttered at intervals, "A hactor!" and pressed his hand to his +forehead with many groans. At night he went into Letty's room, and as he +gazed on the girl's worn face he said, "A hactor! The Billiters is done +for. Their goose is cooked!" + +Devine fairly luxuriated in his desolation. I could tell from his mode +of dwelling on his woes that he had keenly enjoyed playing the forlorn +lover. As he told me of those sleepless nights spent long ago, and +rolled out his sonorous record of suffering, his watering eye gleamed +with pleasure, and I can well imagine how sorely he bored his friends +when he was young and his grief was at its most enjoyable height. But he +was no milksop, and he resolved that Mr. Billiter should not baulk him. +Where is the actor who does not delight in stratagems and mysteries? +Bless their honest hearts, they could not endure life without an +occasional plot or mystification! Two months after Letty's +incarceration, a decently-dressed man called at Mr. Billiter's with a +parcel. The visitor was clad in tweed; his smart whiskers were +dexterously trained and he looked like a natty draper's assistant. +"These things were ordered by post, and I wish Miss Billiter to select +her own patterns." + +"Miss Billiter's with her aunt, and she don't see anyone at present." + +"Then kindly hand in the parcel, and I will call in an hour." + +That night Letty was restless. The sly little thing had managed to +deceive her aunt; but the problem of how to elude father was +troublesome. + +William had an American engagement; he would have a fast horse ready +next evening at eight; Mr. Billiter would be summoned by a telegram; +then train to Southampton--licence--the mail to New York, and bliss for +ever! Letty must rush out like a truant schoolgirl--never mind about hat +or cloak; the escape _must_ be made, and then let those catch who can. + +This was Devine's plan, and he carried it out with perfect nerve. A +fortnight afterwards the mail steamer was surging along in +mid-Atlantic, and the plucky actor was passing happy, idle days with his +wife. + + * * * * * + +Billy had the nerve of a man once, but he utters a kind of strangled +shriek now if a dog barks close to him, and he cannot lift his glass in +the mornings--he stoops to the counter and sucks his first mouthfuls +like a horse drinking, or he passes his handkerchief round his neck, and +draws his liquor gently up with the handkerchief to steady him. A long +way has Billy travelled since he was a merry young player. I shall say +more about him presently. + + + + +THE PINK TOM CAT. + + +My friend the publisher calls the Loafer's narratives "thrilling," but +I, as editor of the Diaries, would prefer another adjective. The Loafer +was a man who only cared for gloom and squalor after he had given up the +world of gaiety and refinement. Men of his stamp, when they receive a +crushing mental blow, always shrink away like wounded animals and +forsake their companions. A very distinguished man, who is now living, +disappeared for fifteen years, and chose on his return to be regarded as +an utter stranger. His former self had died, and he was strengthened and +embittered by suffering. The Loafer was of that breed. + +Two locked volumes of the Loafer's Diary were delivered to me, and I +found that the man had once been joyous to the last degree, ambitious, +successful, and full of generous thoughts and fine aspirations. Some of +his songs breathe the very spirit of delight, and he wrote his glad +thoughts at night when he could not sleep for the keen pleasure of +living. Then comes a sudden cloud, and from that time onward the Diary +is bitter, brutal, and baldly descriptive of life's abominations. It +would not become me to speak with certainty, but I fancy that a woman +had something to do with the Loafer's wild and reckless change. He is +reticent, but his poems all point in one direction. Here is a grave note +of passion:-- + + The sombre heather framed you round, + The starlight touched your pallid face, + You moved across the silvered ground-- + The night was happy with your grace. + + The air was steeped in silver fire, + The gorse was touched with silvern sheen; + The nightingales--the holy choir-- + Sang bridal songs for you, my queen. + + But songs and starfire, pomp of night, + Murmur of trees and Ocean's roll, + Were poor beside the blind delight-- + The Love that quivered in my soul. + +Further on there is a single brief verse like a cry of rage and +despair:-- + + And is it then the End of all? + O, Father! What a doom is mine-- + An unreturning prodigal, + Who feeds on husks and herds with swine! + +After many ravings the torn soul seems to grow calm, and we have this +pensive and tender fragment of music:-- + + The dreams that fill the thoughtful night, + All holy dreams are in the sky, + They stoop to me with viewless flight, + And bid me wave my care good-bye. + + Spread your dim wings, O sacred friends, + Fleet softly to your starry place; + I'll meet you as my journey ends, + When I shall crave our Master's grace. + + Till I may join your shadowy band + I'll think of things that are to be-- + The far-off joy, the Unseen Land, + The Lover I shall never see. + +After this our man plunges into the slums, and we have no more poetry. +One who loved him asked me to go through his journals, and nearly all I +know of him is derived from them. By chance I have heard that he was +passionately fond of children, but avoided women. One who knew him said +that he was witty, and often strung off epigrams by the hour together, +but he was always subject to fits of blind frenzy, during which his wit +and his genuine sagacity left him. No one followed him to his grave; but +he was visited in hospital by a tall, fair lady, who gazed on him with +stern composure. He sneered even while dying. "I'm a pretty object, am I +not? I was going to shake the world. Will you kiss me once?" + +The tall lady stooped and kissed him; he gasped, "Thank you. It was more +than I deserved. And now for the Dark." + +The lady sighed a little and went away, and I think that a bunch of +heather which lay on the coffin must have come from her. Anyway, that is +all I know about the Loafer, and he may now tell his story of the Pink +Tom Cat in his own way. You observe how drily circumstantial he is. + + * * * * * + +I shall not be able to go on with Billy Devine's story for some time. We +have had an ugly business here, and it is now two months since I wrote a +line. It was only by making special inquiry that I found how time had +gone, for I have been living in a nightmare. + +One fine morning I put on smart flannels and went for a scull on the +river. If ever you drink too much it is best to force yourself into +violent exercise at any cost, and for that reason I determined to row +until the effects of a very bad night had worn off. Usually I keep +myself clear of after consequences, but I had been with a keen set, and +we did not go to bed at all. When we contrived to separate at 7 a.m., +some of my companions began on a fresh day's drinking, but I chose to +take a rest. + +It was a lovely morning, and I felt like a bad sort of criminal amid the +clear, splendid beauty. When the light wind struck across the surface of +the river it seemed as if the water were pelted with falling jewels; the +osiers bowed and sighed as the breeze ran along their tops; and, here +and there, a spirt of shaken dewdrops described a flashing arc, and fell +poppling into the stream. Ah! how solemnly glad and pure and radiant the +great trees looked! The larks had gone wild with the joy of living, and +their delicious rivalry, their ceaseless gurgle of liquid melody, seemed +somehow to match the multitudinous glitter of the mighty clouds of +foliage. For a man with pure palate and healthy eye the sights and +sounds would have made a heaven; but my mouth was like a furnace, and +my eye was fevered. Nevertheless, I managed to enjoy the sweet panorama +more and more as my muscles grew tense, and I pulled on doggedly for +full three hours, until I had not a dry stitch on me; then a funny +little waterside inn drew my eye, and I went ashore. Bob Darbishire met +me with a shout of welcome, and I wondered what brought him there. Bob +did not often visit The Chequers, for he was a wealthy fellow, and he +liked best to fool his time away in flash billiard-rooms; but he knew me +well enough, and I was on as easy terms with him as with the costers and +Rommany chals. I say _was_ when I speak of him. Ah me! + +Bob succeeded to a great deal of ready money and a good business when he +was barely twenty-one, and he broke out into a rackety life at once, for +he had been hard held in by his father and mother, and his mad +activities craved for some vent. Had he been well guided he would have +become a useful citizen, but he was driven with a cruel bit, and the +reins were savagely jerked whenever he seemed restive. When he once was +free, he set off at a wild rate down the steep that leads to perdition, +and plenty of people cheered him as he flew on. It vexed me often to see +a fine, generous lad surrounded by spongers who rooked him at every +turn; but what could one do? The sponger has no mercy and no manliness; +he is always a person with violent appetites, and he will procure +excitement at the cost of his manliness and even of his honesty. +Bob had an open hand, and thought nothing of paying for twenty +brandies-and-sodas in the course of a morning. Twenty times eightpence +does not seem much, but if you keep up that average daily for a year you +have spent a fair income. No one ever tried to stay this prodigal with a +word of advice; indeed, in such cases advice is always useless, for the +very man whom you may seek to save is exceedingly likely to swear, or +even to strike at you. He thinks you impugn his wisdom and sharpness, +and he loves, above all things, to be regarded as an acute fellow. A few +favoured gentry almost lived on Bob, and scores of outsiders had pretty +pickings when he was in a lavish humour, which was nearly every day. He +betted on races, and lost; he played billiards, and lost; he ran fox +terriers, and lost; he played Nap for hours at a stretch, and generally +lost. He was only successful in games that required strength and daring. +Then, of course, he must needs emulate the true sporting men in amorous +achievements, and thus his income bore the drain of some two or three +little establishments. Bob would always try to drink twice as much as +any other man, and he treated himself with the same liberality in the +matter of ex-barmaids and chorus girls. The Wicked Nobleman was a +somewhat reckless character in his way, but his feats would not bear +comparison with those performed by many and many a young fellow who +belongs to the wealthy middle class. Alas! for that splendid middle +class which once represented all that was sober and steady and +trustworthy in Britain! Go into any smart billiard-room nowadays, or +make a round of the various race meetings, and you will see something to +make you sad. You see one vast precession of Rakes making their mad +Progress. + +Bob was always kindly with me, as, indeed, he was with everybody. The +very bookmakers scarcely had the heart to offer him false prices, and +only the public-house spongers gave him no law. But, then the sponger +spares nobody. On this memorable morning the lad was rigged in orthodox +flannels, and he looked ruddy and well, but the ruddiness was not quite +of the right sort. He had begun drinking early, and his eye had that +incipient gloss which always appears about the time when the one +pleasurable moment of drunkenness has come. There is but one pleasant +moment in a drinking bout, and men make themselves stupid by trying to +make that fleeting moment permanent. Bob cried, "Come on, sonny. Oh! +what would I give for your thirst! Mine's gone! I'm three parts copped +already. Come on. Soda, is it?" + +Then, with the usual crass idiocy of our tribe, we proceeded to swallow +oblivion by the tumbler until the afternoon was nearly gone. I felt damp +and cold and sticky, so I said I should scull home and change my +clothes. Then Darbishire yelled with spluttering cordiality, "Home! Not +if I know it! My togs just fit you. Go and have a bath, and we'll shove +you in the next room to mine. I'm on the rampage, and Joe Coney's coming +to-night. You've got nothing to do. Have it out with us. Blow me! we'll +have a week--we'll have a fortnight--we'll have a month." + +I wish I had never taken part in that rampage. + +Towards eight o'clock we both felt the false craving for food which is +produced by alcohol, and we clamoured for dinner. Dinner under such +circumstances produces a delusive feeling of sobriety, and men think +that they have killed the alcohol; but the stuff is still there, and +every molecule of it is ready, as it were, to explode and fly through +the blood when a fresh draught is added. At eleven o'clock we were at +cards with Mr. Coney. At one we went out to admire the moon, and though +one of us saw two moons, he felt a dull pain at the heart as he +remembered days long ago, when the pale splendour brought gladness. When +we had solemnly decided that it was a fine night, we went back to our +reeking room again, and pursued our conversation on the principle that +each man should select his own subject and try to howl down the other +two. This exercise soon palled on us, and one by one we sank to sleep. +The clear light was pouring in when I woke, but the very sight of the +straight beams made me doleful. When a man is in training, that gush of +brightness makes him joyous; but a night with the fiend poisons the +light, the air, the soul. Bob lay on the floor under the full glare of +the window. What a fine fellow he was! His chest bulged strongly under +his fleecy sweater; his neck was round and muscular, and every limb of +him seemed compact and hard. His curls were all dishevelled, and his +face was miserably puffy, but he had not had time to become bloated. No +wonder that girls liked him. + +Presently we were all awake, and a more wretched company could not very +well be found. Novelists talk about "a debauch" in a way that makes +novices think debauchery has something grand and mysterious about it. +"We must have orgies; it's the proper thing," says Tom Sawyer the +delightful. The raw lad finds "debauches" mentioned with majestic +melancholy, and he naturally fancies that, although a debauch may be +wicked, it is neither nasty nor contemptible. Why cannot some good man +tell the sordid truth? I suppose he would be accused of Zolaism, but he +would frighten away many a nice lad from the wrong road. Let any +youngster who reads this try to remember his worst sick headache; let +him (if he has been to sea) remember that moment when he longed for +someone to come and throw him overboard; let him then imagine that he +has committed a deadly crime; let him also fancy what he would feel if +he knew that some awful irreparable calamity must inevitably fall on him +within an hour. Then he will understand that state of mind and body +which makes men loathe beauty, loathe goodness, loathe life; then he +will understand what jolly fellows endure. + +We glowered glassily on each other, and we were quite ready either to +quarrel or to shed tears on the faintest provocation. Presently Bob +laughed in a forced way, and said, "God, what a head! Let's come out. +Those yellow shades make me bilious." The glory of full day flooded the +lovely banks, but the light pained our eyes, and we sought refuge in the +cool, dim shades of the parlour. Our conversation was exactly like that +of passengers on board ship when they are just about to collapse. The +minutes seemed like hours; our limbs were listless, as if we had been +beaten into helplessness. So passed one doleful hour. I mentioned +breakfast, and Bob shuddered, while Coney rushed from the room. What a +pleasant thing is a jovial night! + +"Let's see if we can manage some champagne," said Darbishire, and the +"merry" three were soon mournfully gazing on a costly magnum. Sip by sip +we contrived to drink a glass each; then the false thirst woke, the +nausea departed, and we were started again for the day. + +I persisted in taking violent exercise, but Darbishire seemed to have +lost all his muscular aptitudes, and although I implored him to exert +himself, he sank into a lethargy that was only varied by mad fits, +during which he performed the freaks of a lunatic. After the sixth day's +drinking I proposed to go away. Bob looked queerly at me, and said in a +whisper, "Don't you try it on! See that!" and he showed me a little +Derringer. I laughed; but I was not really amused. You always notice +that, when a man is about to go wrong, he thinks of killing those whom +he likes best. That night Bob's hands flew asunder with a jerk while we +were playing cards; the cards flew about; then he flung a decanter +violently into the fireplace, and sat down trembling and glaring. I +sprang to his side, and found that the sweat was running down his neck. +I pulled off his shoes--his socks were drenched! I said, "I thought +you'd get them, old fellow. Now, have some beef-tea, and I'll send right +away for a sleeping draught." Bob trembled still more. + +"No beef-tea. I've had nothing these three days, as you know. It would +kill me to swallow." Then he said, in a horrible whisper, "The brute's +coming down the chimney again. There's a paw! Now his head! Now's a +chance! Yah! you pink devil, that's got you! Three days you've been +coming, and now you're cheeky. Yeo, ho! That's done him." Then he flung +a second decanter, and sank down once more with a shriek. + +"I'll have a drink on that!" he screamed; and I let him take a full +glass of spirits, for I wanted to secure the Derringer. The drink +appeared to paralyse him, and I slipped down to the landlord's room. The +worthy man took things very coolly; none of his trade ever like to see a +man drunk, but they become hardened to it in time, and talk about +delirium tremens as if it were measles. Here is the dialogue. + +"Bob's queer." + +"I thought so. He's had 'em once before. He must be careful, but you +can't stop him." + +"I must have help. I could drown myself when I think that I've perhaps +encouraged him." + +"Don't you worry yourself. He'd have been a million times worse if you'd +not been about. He sits with the watchmen and all sorts of tow-rags +then." + +"We must get him home somehow." + +The landlord fairly shouted: "Home! anything but that! Not that I want +to keep him, but we must have him right first. There's his mother, what +could she do?" Then, dropping his voice, the shrewd fellow said, "You +see, it would nearly pay me to be without his custom, for I'm in the old +lady's hands. Fact is, they've engaged him to a swell girl, and she's +awful spoons on him, for there ain't nobody so nice and hearty as he is +when he's square. He's fond of her, too, but she wants to _reclaim_ him, +don't you know, and he kinder kicks. So he says when he came, "I'm going +to be out of apron-strings for a bit," and I don't want him to go near +home till he's fit to meet the lady. She's a screamer, she is--a real +swell; and she'd go off her head if she saw him with 'em on. I'll tell +you what we'll do. I've got one bromide of potass draught. We'll get +that into him somehow, and in the morning we may manage to feed him. +During the day we'll get some more stuff from the doctor, and patch him +up ready for home I don't care to see him again, for there's no stopping +him." + +When I went up to our room, Bob was lying on the floor, and breathing +heavily. He opened his eyes, rose, and staggered a little; then he said, +"B'lieve I can walk a bit; come out for a stroll on the tow-path." The +moon was charging through wild clouds, and the river was flecked +alternately by strong lights and broad swathes of shadow. Bob muttered +as he walked; so, to give him an excuse for conversation, I said, "Why +were you chucking the hardware so gay and free, Robert?" He put his lips +to my ear, and said, "That pink tom cat has followed me for ever so +long, and I can't do for him anyhow. By God, he's everywhere! A pink +cat, you know, with eyes made of red fire. He's on to me just when I +don't expect him. Take me for a row. The brute can't come on the water." + +"You'll never go out to-night!" + +"Won't I? And so will you, or I'll know the reason why!" + +I had not secured that Derringer. + +I picked a big, broad boat at the inn stairs, and we were soon dropping +gently over the tide, but I would not row hard, as I wanted to be near +assistance. To my astonishment Darbishire began to talk quite lucidly, +and went on for a few minutes with all the charm that distinguished him +when he was sober. By some strange process the blood had begun to +circulate with regularity in the vessels of the impoverished brain, and +the man was sane. I was overjoyed, and in the fulness of my heart I +said, "We'll drive home, or row there to-morrow. My dear fellow, I +thought you were going dotty." His jaw fell; he yelled, "Stop him--stop +him! He's coming with his mouth open! Oh! red-hot teeth and his belly +full of flames--the cat! Oh, I'll stand this no more--you brute, you +shall drown!" In an instant he sprang overboard; the clouds came over +the moon, and I could only tell Bob's whereabouts by hearing him +wallowing and snarling like a dog. I backed up to him, leaned over, and +passed one of the rudder-lines under his arm-pits; his struggling ceased +and I shouted for help. Lights moved on the bank, and presently a boat +shot towards us. The landlord said, "Mercy on us! Excuse me, sir, but +you did ought to be careful. You ought to be shot for risking that man's +life; I see as how it is." I was only too glad to have missed seeing a +tragedy, and I let Boniface talk on. + +It was agreed that Bob should have his draught, and that I should sit up +by his bedside till four next morning. We wrapped him in warm blankets, +and coaxed him into taking the medicine. He started and twitched for +some time, and at last sank into sleep. He moaned again and again, but +showed no signs of waking, and I sat quietly smoking and framing good +resolutions. My eyeballs were irritable, and I found that I could only +obtain ease by closing my eyes. Once I started up and walked to and fro; +then it struck me I ought to throw the Derringer out of the window, and +I did so; then I sat down. The clock struck two; my tired eyes closed, +but I was sure I could keep awake, and I began to repeat old songs +merely to test my memory and keep the brain active. + +Crash! I was sitting on the floor. The clock struck one, two, three! Bob +was gone. I had fallen asleep and betrayed my trust. I could have cried, +but that would do little good. The door opened, and Darbishire +appeared--prowling stealthily and glaring. A long glitter met my eye, +and I saw that Bob had taken down an old Yeomanry sabre from the wall of +the next room. He came on, and I shrank under the shadow of my +arm-chair. He heaved up the sabre, and shouted, "Now, you beast, I've +got you on the hop!" and hacked at the bed with wild fury. As he turned +his back on me, I prepared to lay hold on him; he whirled round swiftly, +and my heart came into my mouth. I cried out, "Bob, old man!" He started +furiously for a second, and then made a pass at me, sending the steel +through my clothes on the right side. I felt a slight sting, but did not +mind, and by wrenching myself half round I tore the sabre from his +hand. Then I closed, and held him, in spite of his struggles and +frothing curses, until the landlord and ostler burst in and helped me. + +The cut on my side only needed sticking-plaister, but I was completely +exhausted, and I resolved not to risk such another experience for any +price. I said to the landlord, "He must be taken to the town, where we +can have a doctor and attendants handy." + +"But you won't drive that poor lady out of her senses, will you?" + +"No, I'll take him to The Chequers, and smuggle him in at night. They +know me there, and not a soul but the doctor and the men will be able to +tell where he is." + +Boniface was not quite satisfied, but he agreed to lend me two men, and +at dusk I drove round to the back gate of The Chequers, and smuggled Bob +through the stables. + +He was very well behaved when the doctor came, and even thanked him for +providing two careful attendants. The doctor's directions were very +simple. "I'll give him some strong meat essence at once; then he must +have the draught that I will send. No alcohol on any consideration, no +matter if he goes on his knees to you. Let him have milk and beef-tea as +often as you can, and never leave him for an instant." + +Our landlord of The Chequers was very funny about the jim-jams, and +funnier still about my suddenly taking to swell company; but I let him +talk on, and he certainly kept unusually quiet, though no more +inveterate gossip ever lived. + +At a very late hour I was strolling homeward, long after the last +reeling coster had swayed and howled towards his slum, when two women +stopped me Then a man came from the shadow of the wall, and I thought I +had fallen across some strange night-birds; but one of the women spoke, +and I knew she was a lady. "You have my boy in that horrid place. Tell +me, is he well? I must see him; I'll tear the doors down with my nails." +Then the man said, "I drove the keb, sir. I knows Mr. Robert, and I +thought I'd better tell his mother." I eagerly said, "Madam, you shall +see him, but, pray, not to-night. The shock might kill him. On my honour +he is in good hands, and I promise to come to you on the instant when it +is safe for you to meet him." The lady moaned, "Oh, my boy--my +darling--my own! Oh! the curse!"--and then she went away. + +In two days Bob was quite calm and rational. He craved for food, and +seemed so well that I thought I might manage him single-handed. So the +attendants were dismissed, with the doctor's permission, and Bob and I +settled down for a quiet chat. I shall never forget that talk. The lad +was not maudlin, and he utterly refused to whimper, but he seemed +suddenly to have seen the horror of the past. "You can stop in time, old +man," he said, "but I can't. When I'm well, I'll turn to work, and I'll +try to keep other chaps from getting into the mud. It would be funny to +see me preaching to the boys up river, wouldn't it?" For a moment I +thought, "I'll turn teetotal as well," but I did not say it. I bent +towards Bob and asked, "Would you care to see your mother, old man?" He +smiled beautifully, and eagerly answered, "Go for her now." + +I was away about two hours, and returned with Mrs. Darbishire. The +landlord met us, and gravely said "I've been away, but the potman tells +me a queer yarn. Mr. Darbishire made queer signs out of window to the +man you call the Ramper, and Mr. Ramper goes to the pub over the way and +then up to the room. And now Mr. Robert's been locked in for a hour and +a half." My heart gave one leap, and then I felt cold. We hurried up +stairs, and we heard a long shrill snarl--not like a human voice. + +"Locked! Fetch a crowbar, and call up one of the lads to help." + +We burst open the door, and there on the bed lay Bob. He was chattering, +as it were, in his sleep, and a brandy bottle lay on the floor. He had +swallowed nearly the whole of the poison raw, and his limbs were +paralyzed. Suddenly he opened his eyes; then he writhed and yelled, +"Mother!--the beast! the beast!" The lady threw herself down on her +knees with a pitiful cry, but Bob did not speak to her. He never spoke +any more. + + + + +TEDDY. + + +I was so weak and nervous after Bob Darbishire's death that I did not go +much to The Chequers; I hid myself most in my own rooms. The funeral was +attended by all the well-to-do folks in the district; but I was not +there, because I did not care to pass by The Chequers in the procession. +Most people had a good word for poor Bob, and many kind fellows could +not mention him without the tears coming into their eyes. Only the +spongers were indifferent; but they had, of course, to look around for +another liberal spendthrift. Bob was so young, and bright, and brave; I +never knew a straighter or a kinder man, and I have seen few who had so +much ability. He drifted into drunkenness by accident, and the vice had +him hard by the throat before he found out that he was really a +prisoner. He struggled for awhile, and repented again and again; but +his will was captured, and when once a man's will is enslaved, vices +seem to come easy to him. I am not fit to moralise about his relations +with women; I only know that he was a sinner, and I think of his +temptations. Like so many splendid young Englishmen, he was conquered by +drink. The vice seizes on some of the best in all classes, and the +finest flowers soon become as worthless as weeds when the blight has +caught them. It is nearly always the bright lad of a family, the most +promising, the mother's darling, that goes wrong; it is the brilliant +students, the men of whom one says, "Ah, what could he not do if he +would only try!" is those who trip, and quench their brilliance in the +mud. A little rift in the fabric of the will, a little instability of +temper, an unlucky week of idleness--these are the things that start a +man towards the very gulf of doom. Bob Darbishire, the athlete, the +delightful and exhilarating companion, was set gliding on the slope, and +now he and his hopes and his unknown capabilities have passed away, +deeper than ever plummet sounded. It is a big puzzle. I am a loafer, and +I suppose I shall never be anything else, so it is not for me to solve +the ugly problem. + +The Ramper fawned on me, and asked me if I had heard of "that there pore +young bloke wot kicked the bucket upstairs." + +I said, "Yes; I fancy he was murdered. Do you know who took the brandy +up to him?" + +The Ramper looked very wicked, but merely answered, "'Ow should I know? +He arst me, and I goes and says, 'No, sir; not for a thick 'un.' I see +'ow he was. I've 'ad 'em on myself, and I knowed as 'ow he wasn't up +there for nothing." + +The Ramper is undoubtedly a liar. + +The Wanderer often asked me to call, for he knows that I have a stiff +flask in my pocket every night. I have pieced out the rest of his story, +and I shall put it into my book when I am less glum. At present I swear +every day that I shall turn temperance lecturer, and spend my money on +the Cause; but, somehow, habit, and my roving blood, are too much for +me. Like all men of my sort, from Burns downward, I can see evils +clearly, and state their nature plainly enough; but when it comes to +keeping clear of them, I resemble my tribe in being rather unhandy at +judicious strategy. _Vogue la galere!_ + +Three months more have gone and my journals have never been written up, +save in chance scraps. The Wanderer is quite as interesting as ever! I +took the odds to L2 with him over a race run at Newmarket, and he paid +promptly. He puts out little signs of improvement--sprouts of +gentility--at times: but one heavy spell of gin and Shakespeare takes +him back to the old level again. Still, he is more amusing than the +dandies; in fact, I do not think I shall go amongst the respectable +division again. I make no pretence of immolating myself: I go among the +blackguards and wastrels because I am fascinated; I tell exactly what I +see, and leave other people to make practical use of my words. During +the last three months I have been, as usual, hard hit. It seems as +though any creature that I am fond of must soon be lost to me, and the +pages of my journal are like rows of tombstones. + +We were making a great noise in the bar one night, for a cornet and +fiddle were playing, and a few couples were moved by the music and the +beer to begin dancing. A good many women come in at one time or other, +and their shrill laughter forms the treble of our crashing chorus. One +tall, broad-shouldered dame, who boasts of having six sons serving in +the Guards, made a great commotion. Her weight is considerable. She had +been drinking for four hours, and, when she attempted to illustrate her +theory of the waltz, she sent drinkers and drink flying as though her +offspring's battalion had charged. She had disabled one sporting coster +who tried to guide her, and the landlord was preparing for practical +remonstrance, when she sailed down upon me, yawing all the way as though +she were running before a hard breeze. I prepared for the shock, but I +was not destined to receive it. A tiny little lad had just received some +beer in a bottle from the counter, and he was making for home, when the +tall woman plumped upon him. The bottle was broken, the beer ran among +the dirt and sawdust, and the little lad was almost smothered before the +landlord (who impolitely addressed the waltzer as a cow) had managed to +haul the ponderous woman to her feet. The boy was a good deal hurt +physically, but his mental distress at sight of the lost beer prevented +him from noticing his bruises. When he fully grasped the extent of the +calamity he actually became pale, and I do not think I ever saw such a +piteous little face in my life. I asked "How much was it, little 'un?" +His lips trembled, and he said, "I dunno. I put a-money down, and her +knows what to put in a-bottle. Father got to 'ave his beer, else he not +have good supper." I thought, "This youngster isn't ill-used, or he +wouldn't be anxious for his father to have a good supper." Then I +ordered a pint can of ale, and offered it to the youth. He hesitated, +and said, "It's dark. I slip on a stone, and then more beer gone," so I +took his hand, and marched off with the can, notwithstanding the fact +that my friend the cornet player struck up "See the conquering hero" in +a most humorous and embarrassing manner. + +It was very quiet and fresh outside, after the hoarse wrangling and the +dreadful air, and I liked to have the boy's soft hand in mine. He said, +"Missa Benjo's cellar open. Two mens fall down a-night; you keep a-hold +o' my hand." I went very warily down the alley, and found that Mr. Benjo +had assuredly left an awkward trap for the people from The Chequers. My +young man seemed very smart and careful, and he soon led to a lone door +which opened into a den that was half kitchen, half cellar. + +"Who a-you got long o' you, Teddy?" inquired a gruff man who was +crouched on a stool by the side of the empty grate. + +"It's a man, father, wot give me the beer." + +"Come in, mate, if you've a mind." + +I accepted the invitation, prompted by my usual curiosity, and found +myself in a stinking little box, which was lit by a guttering dip. Some +clothes hung on a line, and these offended more senses than one. No +breath of pure air seemed to have blown through that gruesome dwelling +for many a day, but I am seasoned, and nothing puts me out much. + +"Ain't got another seat, mate. Take the bed." + +The bed was not suggestive of sleep, and I was a trifle uneasy as I sat +down; yet I knew it would never do to hesitate, so down I sat. + +"Wot's this about givin' Teddy the beer?" + +I made answer. + +"Ain't got no more 'n two bloomin' dee, but you can have 'em, and thank +ye for your trouble." + +"I have money enough, thanks. A pint isn't much." + +"Oh, now I knows you. A bloke was a-tellin' me they had a broken-down +toff round at The Chequers, and some on 'em says you ain't no more +broken down 'n the Lord Mayor. Allus got enough for a 'eavy booze. +Anyway, you talks like a toff. I used to git round to the bar, but it +don't run to it now. Two kids; and Teddy's clothes there ain't not so +easy to buy now. Missus is out charin'. She'll fetch us a bit o' supper, +and I makes out middlin' well along o' my pint and bit o' bacca. How's +things, mate?" + +I said that things were flourishing fairly. + +"You ain't never done much blank work, _you_ ain't. Your dukes is same +as silk. Bin a tailor?" + +"No, I have other work to do." + +"All square, mate; 'tain't no business o' mine. Things is bad 'ere. The +blank, blank swine of a blank landlord, he takes pooty well 'alf of +every tanner I can make, and d----d if he'll do anything to the place." + +"Smells are queer down here." + +"Smell! Lord love you, come down yere to-morrer, and you'll git to know +wot stinks is. Let Teddy show you that 'ere bloomin' ditch at the back. +They calls it a stream, but I dussn't say wot I thinks it is afore the +nipper. All the dead cats and muck in the bloomin' crehation gits dumped +in there. On 'ot days you wants a nosebag on, I tell you, and no error." + +"Does Teddy go to school?" + +"No fear; not yet. But he's fly as they makes 'em, he is. Useful he is, +too. 'Andy as makes no matter, and he ain't no more 'n seven." + +"Well, I'm coming to see Teddy and the ditch to-morrow. Will you have +another pint?" + +"Right, matey; that'll do for to-morrow. Ain't you got no less 'n a +tanner? Never mind, I'll square when I'm flush." + +Next day I visited the alley, and went to the gap where it opened on to +the ditch. There was an admirably efficient hotbed for rearing diseases +there. A solid bed of sewage of about two feet deep seemed to fill the +hollow, and a thin sheet of filthy water covered this bed--with sickly +breaks here and there. Ordure palpable and abominable was plentiful, +and the swollen carcasses of small animals exhaled their biting wafts. +Poor little Teddy! I said, "Come home with me, will you? Mind, you +mustn't tell anyone where I live;" and the amiable little dot set off at +my side. He could not walk very well, for he had one shoe minus a sole, +and his toes stuck through the other. When we reached my room I sent out +for a pair of boots and two pairs of socks; then I pitched Teddy's away, +and presently to his terror, and my own amusement, I found myself +engaged in washing his feet. Nice little feet they were when they came +clean, and their owner pattered about with perfect satisfaction on my +carpet. I pulled out some cakes, and Teddy accepted a few, turning away +his head as he took them. He had the exact look of a dog that is being +reproved, and I had some trouble in persuading him to begin. When he had +finished one sponge-cake he grinned and enigmatically observed, "Teddy's +belly." I said, "That's baby talk. You talked all right last night. +Finish your cakes and you'll have some more for tea. Trot about as you +like till it's ready." He went gaily about, touching some articles, and +even sniffing at others; he dived into my bedroom, and I heard him cry +"Ooh!" Then there was a scraping sound, and Teddy appeared lugging a +small looking-glass and smiling broadly. "Ooh! This is what there is +when a lady gives you a beer." I understood that he referred to the +bleared glass behind the bar of the Chequers, and I appreciated Teddy's +powers of comparison; but I explained to him that mirrors cannot be +safely hauled about by little boys, and he kindly assented to this +proposition. + +We had tea, and Teddy so far improved on his bashfulness that he made +grabs at several things which would have disagreed with him if I had let +him follow his inclinations. He affably received my hints on table +etiquette, and smiled with gentleness when I told him he had eaten +enough. The little creature's ideas were like those of a dog. He had +been taught to follow and to come home to his kennel; he was ready to be +gracious toward those who fed him, and he had the true canine glance +which expresses gratitude and expectancy at once. But he was only a +rudimentary human being, and his brain power had slept so far. I showed +him Caldecott's wonderful "House that Jack Built," and he gloated over +that delightful villain of a dog; the cat and the rat he understood, but +he knew nothing of the cow. I let him stare at the dog as long as he +chose, and he chuckled like a magpie all the time. He proposed to remove +the picture-book, and it was only with difficulty that I persuaded him +to let me keep it. Knowing the street arab class very well, I did not +try to talk with him, for I have always found that an arab's curiosity +when he finds himself in a new place renders him incapable of attending +to anything that is said to him until he has learned the appearance of +every object in the room. The little chap is a barbarian, and you must +treat him exactly as you would treat an adult member of a friendly +savage tribe. + +Before Teddy went home I rigged him up in his new boots and stockings, +and he was amusingly proud. When we parted at the alley he said, "You +let me go you house again, and have some nice things and see the dog?" +Of course I invited him, and henceforth he waylaid me in the afternoons +as I went home. At first he was not polite, and his mode of calling, +"Hoy, man! wait for me!" drew marked attention from the public. But he +soon learned to lift his hat and to shake hands. At intervals I gave him +set lessons on manners, and, if he behaved nicely, we had a game at +cricket in my queer old garden. It was almost impossible to make Teddy +understand the morality of any game at first. When he learned that the +ball must not touch his wicket, his treatment of my slow bowling was +positively immoral. I did not mind his kicking the ball out of the way, +nor did I object to his using his bat like a scoop; but when he lay down +in front of the wicket, and sweetly smiled as the ball touched his +stomach, I had to insist on severe cricketing etiquette. As the nights +darkened in I took to amusing myself more and more with Teddy, and +sometimes I did not go out to the Chequers at all. The boy was a severe +trial to me when he learned to play draughts. When once the fundamental +laws of the game dawned on his mind, and he understood that he must try +to reduce the number of my pieces, he thought that any means were +justified if he could be successful. Once I left the room for a minute +while we were playing, and on my return found four of my men had +disappeared. I said, "Where are those men?" Teddy smiled courteously; "I +taken 'em. I go hop, hop, hop, over a lot. All fair." "But where have +you put them?" "In a pocket. All fair." But he gradually grew out of his +habits of picking and stealing, and he behaved much like a well-trained +dog. It is plain to me that he regarded me as a sort of deity; but his +love was quite unalloyed by fear. He would stroke my beard, and say, +"You very nice," when I had been specially good-humoured, and, as his +stock of words increased, he prattled on by the hour. One must love +something, and I got into the habit of loving this pale little urchin, +so that at length I fitted up a crib for him, and asked his mother to +let him stay with me. This made a great change in my habits. Teddy +seemed to wake as by magic, if I rose to go out after he was in bed, +and, although he never cried, his way of saying, "You won't let me stop +by myself--perhaps the black man might come," always settled me. By +degrees I fell into the habit of reading at nights, and the steady life +made my brain clear. Books that had been dim memories to me for years +became vivid, and the power of sustained thinking came back. In those +long, calm evenings, I went through my Gibbon again, and the awful +pageant that rolls past our view under the direction of the aristocrat +of literature made my late life seem poor and mean. How low we were! The +darkened costers are interesting as studies in animal life; but the more +pretentious persons whose humour reaches its highest flight in an +indecent story, and whose wit consists in calling someone else a +liar--how petty they are, and how fruitless is their friendship! I began +to feel like a patrician who surveys the mob from his lordly dais, and I +almost resolved to go back to the clubs and theatres once more. + +Teddy increased so much in mental power that he took interest in fairy +tales, and he was a rigorous taskmaster. I was obliged to illustrate the +stories in varied ways. Once I was asked, "What's a gian'?" I said, "A +very, very big man." "Big as you?" "Far bigger." "How bigger? Has he got +legs, and heads, and--and things like that?" "We'll see. When I stand on +this chair I'm as big as a giant," but it was all of no avail, and only +after Teddy had seen a huge, knock-kneed being in a penny show did he +understand what a giant could be like. Then he asked for giant stories +on all occasions. + +It struck me that I was neglecting Teddy's religious education. Hundreds +and thousands of such little fellows in and about London have no notion +of a God, or any ruling power save the policeman. I had a dark mind to +deal with, and Teddy's questions fairly beat me. Of course I took the +old orthodox ideas, and tried to make them simple, but Teddy posed me +like this: + +"Do God live in a sky?" + +"Far away. Yes; well, say in the sky." + +"Where does he hang up his coat when he goes to his bed?" + +What on earth was a poor, distracted loafer to say? I could not deal +with Jesus, for I saw that Teddy did not understand goodness. He knew +that I was kind, and he liked to kiss my hand slily, and rub his cheek +on my knee; but abstract goodness and gentle words like those of Jesus +did not appeal to him. I was satisfied to have a queer creature that +followed me like a dog, and I am afraid that if he had lived I should +have made him a kind of heathen; but the luck was against me. Teddy's +father came on a Sunday morning, and said, "If you don't mind, his +mother'd like to 'ave him along to dinner to-morrow. We got a bit o' +pork and a horrange spesshal for him." So Teddy went home when the ditch +was in worse order than usual. He had been kept amid good air, and he +was clean--I washed him myself--and I fancy that the stenches poisoned +him simply because he could not become acclimatised to the alley again. +Anyway, he was heavy and listless when he came back, and in two days I +had to send for his father and mother. I am not going into any pathetic +details, for that is not my line. Night after night I walked the floor +with the youngster, and when the doctor said I should catch diphtheria +if I kissed him, I said I didn't care a damn, for I was wild. Then my +boy went away. + +One night I was walking about the park in mad fashion while a hoarse +gale roused a deep chorus among the trees. I could have sworn that my +lad called to me. Then I went back and dropped into The Chequers. The +Ramper said, "Wot cher, yer old bugaboo?" The Wanderer shouted, "Now +let the trumpet to the kettle speak; the kettle to the cannoneer +without. He comes! He comes!" + +And I went home and stayed till dawn with the Wanderer. That is the way +we live. + + + + +THE WANDERER AGAIN. + + +Several racing men have warned me against the Wanderer, in their +peculiarly friendly way. They want me to bet with _them_. But I like the +Bohemian, the blackleg, better than I do better men. Moreover, though I +am carefully informed that he is a blackleg, I find him honest. His +story has long been hanging in my mind, and we may as well take it at +once. + +Devine's runaway match turned out well for a time. When old Mr. Billiter +came home and heard what had happened he fell in a fit, and, on his +recovery, he went about for a long time moaning, "We'll never hold up +our heads no more." His friends thought he would lose his reason, for he +would stop people in the street, and say, "Have you a daughter? Kill +her, if you care for her. Mine's gone off with a hactor." But the young +couple were happy enough in reality, and Devine took the fancy of the +New Yorkers to such a degree that his engagement was extended over three +years. Letty Devine led a gay, careless life; her husband had plenty of +money, and she was introduced to pleasures that made the frowsy life of +home seem very repulsive. Devine was kind to her, and continued to play +the lover in his pompous style. She was proud of her man, too. He played +Claude Melnotte for his benefit once, and she longed to say to the +ladies in the theatre, "He belongs to me. How could she help being +fascinated with him? Where could you find such another princely being?" +She felt a lump in her throat when the great house rose at her William, +and the more so since she knew that her praise was more to him than all +the clamour of the theatre. Devine had begun by fortune-hunting, and +ended by loving his wife, though she did not bring him a penny. + +Those were merry days in New York. Champagne was plentiful as water, and +William Devine often came home in a very lively condition, but his wife +did not mind, for she thought that a man must have his glass. Women of +the lower and middle classes have a great deal to do with supplying +customers to the public-house. Some of them drive their men there by +nagging, but more of them lead a man on to drink by sheer indulgence. +They encourage him to enjoy himself without thinking of the day when +enjoyment will be impossible, and when they and their children will +reach the lowermost rung of the ladder of shame and penury. The Wanderer +went merrily on his way, but his vice was steadily gaining on him, and +his nerve was going. He took a long engagement for an Australian tour, +and carried on very loosely all the while; but Letty saw no change. +Women never do until the very worst has happened. When Devine came to +England he was eagerly looked after, and he should have fared well. For +a time he had engagements and money in plenty, but a subtle change was +taking place in him, and managers and audiences saw it, though they +could not say precisely where the deterioration had taken place. + +There is a certain sporting set of theatrical men who are very dangerous +companions. Their daily work is exciting, and when they want change +they often gamble, because that is the only form of excitement which is +keener than the stir and tumult of the theatre. When Devine won three +hundred pounds on one Derby he was a lost man. He pitted his wits +against the bookmakers'; he took to loafing about with those flash, +cunning fellows who appear to spend their mornings in bars and their +evenings in music-halls; he lost his ambition, and he began to lead a +double life. In the end he took to presenting himself at the theatre in +various stages of drunkenness, and on one unlucky night he practically +settled his own fate by falling down on the stage after he had blundered +over his lines a dozen times. The public saw little of him after that, +for he had not the power of Kean, or Cooke, or Brooke. + +They all go the same way when they slip as Devine did. You can meet them +on the roads, in common lodging-houses, in the workhouse. The residuum +is constantly recruited from the "comfortable" classes, and, out of +thousands of cases, I never knew half-a-dozen in which the cause was not +drink. I blame nobody. A drunkard is always selfish--the most selfish of +created beings--and his flashes of generosity are symptoms of disease. +If he lives to be cured of his vice his selfishness disappears, and he +is another man; but so long as he is mastered by the craving, all things +on earth are blotted out for him saving his own miserable personality. +So far does the disease of egotism go, that it is impossible to find a +drunkard who can so much as listen to another person; he is inexorably +impelled to utter forth _his_ views with more or less incoherence. + +Devine, the tender husband, the kind father, became a mere slinker, a +haunter of tap-rooms, a weed. Sometimes he was lucky enough to win a +pound or two on a race, and that was his only means of support. The +children were ragged; Letty tried to live on tea and bread, but the lack +of food soon brought her low, and from sheer weakness she became a +pitiful slattern. + +Mr. Billiter was informed that a woman "like a beggar" wanted to see him +particularly. He was about to order her off at first, but he finished by +going to the door, and the beggar-woman went on her knees to him. He +trembled; then he fairly lifted the poor soul up in his arms and sobbed +hard. "My gal, my pooty as was. My little gal. To think as you never +come before you was like this. I've bin dead since you was away. My 'art +was dead, my little gal. And you're goin' away no more, never no more, +with no hactors. Sit down. Give me that shawl. Lord bless me, it's a +dish clout! And your neck's like a chicken's, and your breasts is all +flat, as was round as could be. O me!" + +But the good fellow's moanings soon fell on deaf ears, for Letty +fainted. When she came round, the servants fed her, and she began to cry +for the children. "Children if you like, but never him," said Billiter; +and he at once drove off to bring his darling's ragged little ones home. + +Devine was snoring on the floor when the old tradesman entered the +lodging. There was no fire, no furniture, no food, and the half-naked +children were huddled together for warmth. The youngest two screamed +when a rough man came in, for they thought it was the brokers once more. +Billiter sent the eldest out for a candle, which he stuck in an empty +gin-bottle. He looked at the snoring drunkard, and gave him a +contemptuous push with his foot; but the one little boy screamed, "You +not touch my dada, you bad man!" and the old fellow was instantly +ashamed. He said, "Now, my little dears, I want you to come to your +mamma. She sent me for you. We'll all go away in a warm carriage, and +you'll have something warm and nice to eat. Put the youngsters' clothes +on, my gal." + +"We've none of us got any clothes, sir." + +"My God! Here, you sir--wake up. Sit against the wall. Do you see me? +I've got your wife at home, and I'm going to take these kids. You'll +hear from me to-morrow." + +"Devine finally woke just before the public-houses closed. He staggered +out, and, after his first drink, the memory of what had passed flashed +back on him. He felt in his pockets. Yes! He had some money--a good deal +as it happened, for he had put five shillings on a horse at 33 to 1. +"Pull yourself together, Billy," he muttered. "You must have a warm bed +to-night, and face it out to-morrow. One more drink, and I'll have my +bed here." + +In the morning he felt wretched, but when he had regained his nerve by +the usual method he acted like a man. First he wrote a letter to his +wife. (I saw the yellow old copy of it.) + +"Dearest,--I had a bit of luck yesterday, and took too much on the +strength of it. I was carried home from this house, and I could not +speak to Lily or any of them. I deserve to lose you, and I will never +ask you to come back unless there is no fear of more misery. But this I +will do. I intend to maintain my own children, if I go and sell matches. +I won eight pounds odd yesterday. I squandered one pound, I keep two to +make a fresh start, and you have the rest. While this heart shall +beat--yes, while memory holds her seat, as the poet says, you are dear +to me. Once more, in the poet's words, I grapple you to my soul with +hoops of steel. What has come over me I do not know, and when I wake to +the fact of my degradation I go madly to the drink again. But I will +try, and I implore your forgiveness. I cannot hope to see you often, and +it is better that I should not, for I am worthless. But think of me, +and, if I fall again and again, believe me that I shall go on striving +to do better.--Until death, I am your loving, W. DEVINE." + +"We don't want none of his 'oss-racin' money. Send it back, my gal," +growled old Billiter when he saw this letter. But the poor woman would +not hurt her husband. + +Devine found all respectable employments closed to him, and he was often +in desperate straits; but he would always contrive to send something, if +it were only a half-crown, toward the support of his children. When he +reached the Nadir of shabbiness, he touted in Piccadilly among the cabs, +and picked up a few coppers in that way. For days he could abstain from +drink, but that curse never left him, and he broke down again and again, +only to repent and strive more fervently than ever. Alas! how weak we +are. Surely we should help each other. I am often tempted to forget +there is evil in the world. There are moments when I can almost pardon +myself, but that is too hard. Devine said he could not see Letty often. +He only saw her once more. She was ailing and weakly, and one day she +put her arms round her father's neck, and whispered to him. He started, +and growled, "All right, my gal; I deny you nothin'. Only I'll go out of +the 'ouse before he comes." + +So William Devine was summoned, and he found his wife propped up in bed. +Her hands were frail, and the bones of her arms stood out sharply. The +man was choking, Letty made an effort, lifted her arms, and drew him +down to her with an ineffable gesture of tenderness. "Oh, Will, I'm glad +you've come. How happy we were--how happy! I forget everything but +that." Devine could not speak for a while. Letty said: + +"You'll always be near the children, won't you?" + +"So help me God! I'll give up my life to them." + +Then the doctor came, and the Wanderer saw his stricken wife no more. + +Devine bore many hardships before he was able to claim his children, and +even when he had rigged up a house fit to shelter them he was vigorously +opposed by old Billiter. But he got his own way, and Letty's children +joined their father. + +And now I must speak of a strange thing. The room which the Wanderer +occupies is bare of every comfort. When we sit together we rest our +glasses on the mantelpiece (for there is no table), and our feet are on +the boards. But one night Devine said, "Come up and see my pets in +bed." The young people were disposed in two absolutely comfortable +rooms. Everything was neat and clean, and there were signs even of +luxury. "How is this? Squalor below, comfort here," I thought. A little +girl who was awake said, "Kiss me, papa, dear." Her nightgown was white +and pretty. All the clothes that lay around were good. "Now, see the +children's room," said my seedy host. "They live _there_." And, behold! +a perfectly comfortable place, fitted up with strong, good furniture. + +When we went down, the Wanderer helped himself from my flask. Then, with +majesty, he observed, "You marvel to see me so shabby? Sir, you must +know that I wear my clothes till they are falling to pieces. I deny +myself everything but the booze, and I never start on that till I've +handed my daughter--bless her!--the best part of the money. I made a +promise to a saint, sir. I couldn't drop the liquor. It's my master, so +I fight as long as I can and get better as soon as possible after it's +over. I'm wrong to give way and spend money on it. I can't help myself. +But I give all but my drink-money to them. Sir, I am content to meet +the scoffs of respectability; I think only of my children in my sober +moments. On the racecourse I'm a gambler, I'm a blackleg (if you believe +all you hear); but when the horses are passing the post and all the +people are mad, I am quite quiet. I pray sir, to win; but I only pray +because my children's faces are before me. Yes, sir, take away the drink +and give me a chance of honest work and I might nearly be a good man." + +The fellow's face grew almost youthful as he spouted, and I thought, +"That little girl upstairs is very young. Her father is not an old man +after all." Old he looks--battered, scared, frail; but he has a young +heart. What a compound! The more I meditate, the more I am convinced +that we shall have to invent a new morality. The standards whereby we +judge men are far too rigid. Who shall say that Devine is bad? He is a +victim to the disease of alcoholism, and his disease brings with it fits +of selfishness. But there is another Devine--the real man--who is +neither diseased nor selfish; and both are labelled as disreputable. +When next I see poor Billy on the floor after his yelling fit I shall +think of him in a friendly way. More than ever I am convinced by his +fate that all the high-flying legislation, all the preaching of +morality, all pulpit abstractions count for nothing. The best men must +try by strenuous individual exertions to combat the subtle curse which +has converted the good, generous Billy Devine into a mean debauche. I am +out of it. I smoke with Billy, I clink glasses with Billy, I laugh at +Billy's declamations, and I am often muddled when I leave Billy in the +morning. He illustrates sordidly a chapter of England's history. I wish +he didn't. + + + + +THE ROBBERY. + + +I was robbed last night, and it served me right for being a fool. A +seedy, down-looking man hangs about The Chequers all day, and he never +does any work except stick up the pins in the skittle alley. He has a +sly, secret look, and I fancy he is one of the stupid class of +criminals. We often talk together, but there is not much to be got out +of him; he usually keeps his eye on someone else's pewter, and he is +catholic in his taste for drinks. Of late he has been accompanied by +three other persons--a stout, slatternly woman, whom he named as his +wife; a rather pretty, snub-nosed girl, who dresses in tawdry prints; +and a red-faced, thick-set, dark fellow, who grins perpetually and shows +a nice set of teeth. The elder man confidentially informed me that the +stout young man was his son-in-law. + +We had been a long time acquainted before I learned anything definite +about these four. The girl usually arrives about half-past ten; she +spends money freely, and the four always take home a huge can of beer. +Some while ago the young man--Blackey he is nicknamed--went out, and I +followed him quietly. He had been affable with me all the evening, and +went so far as to offer me a drink. It struck me that he was indirectly +trying to pump me, for he said, "You don't talk like none of us. I +reckon you've been on the road." Moreover, when we met he had saluted me +thus, "Sarishan Pala. Kushto Bak," and this salutation happens to be +Rommany. As we pursued our talk, he inquired, "You rakker Rommanis?" +(You speak the gipsy tongue?) and I answered, "Avo." I could see that he +wanted to establish some bond of communication between us, and that was +why I followed him. As I quietly came up behind him he said, "That's +tacho like my dad. I dicked a bar and a pash-crooner." (That's as true +as can be. I saw a sovereign and a half-crown.) He was not comfortable +when he saw me, and I knew I had been a fool to let him know that I +spoke Rommany. However, I passed on as if I had not heard a word. The +fellow had no doubt been told that I was a tramp, and he put a feeler to +find out whether I knew the language of the road. Next day we met very +early. I had stayed out all night with some poachers, and I was in The +Chequers by half-past seven in the morning. Master Blackey was there +also, and we exchanged greetings. He was blotchy and his eyes seemed +heavy; moreover, he was without a drink, and I correctly guessed that he +had no money. My evil genius prompted me to ask for brandy-and-soda, +which was the last thing I should have done, and Blackey said, "Us +blokes can't go for sixpenny drinks. Let me 'ave a drappie levinor." The +gipsy word for ale was quietly dropped in, and I ordered the right stuff +as if nothing unusual had been said. Then it flashed on me. "This beauty +has heard of me from the Suffolk gipsies; he knows that I carry money +sometimes, and he wants to find out if I am really the laulo Rye." (The +Surrey Roms call me the Boro Rye; the Suffolk Roms call me laulo Rye.) + +For a good while after this the times seemed to be rather bad for the +four companions. Several times I saw Blackey mutter savagely when the +girl came in, and it was easy to see that he was not a full-blood gipsy, +or he would never have threatened to strike her in a public bar. Then it +happened that I heard a yell one night as I was stealing around the +by-streets after most of the drunken people had gone home. A man's voice +growled harshly--it was like the snarl of a wild beast,--"Three nights +you done no good. Blarst yer slobberin'! you ain't got no more savvey +than a blank blank cow. I'd put a new head on yer for tuppence." + +A woman answered, "You've struck me, you swine; and if I've got a black +eye I'll quod you, sure as I'm yere. Ain't I lushed you, and fed you, +and found your clobber long enough?" + +"Garn, you farthin' face! Shet your neck." + +"All very fine, Mister Blackey, but how would you like a smack in the +bloomin' eye? I done the best as I knew for you, and there ain't a bloke +round as has a judy wot'll go where I goes and hand over the wongur." + +"Never mind, I was waxy when I done it. Maybe we'll 'ave some luck to +morrow'." + +I was hidden all this time, and I kept very quiet until the pair moved +away. Over my last pipe I had many meditations, and formed my own +conclusions about Master Blackey. + +There are, as I have said, thousands of fellows who have never done any +work, and never mean to do any; they are born in various grades of life; +the public-house is their temple; they live well and lie warm, and you +can see a fine set of them in the full flush of their hoggish jollity at +any suburban race meeting. Blackey was a fair specimen of his tribe; +they are often pleasant and plausible in a certain way, and it is really +a pity that they cannot be forcibly drafted into the army, for they are +always men of fine physique. They are vermin, if you like, but how +admirably we protect them, and how convenient are the houses of call +which we provide for them. + +I went warily to work with Blackey, but I was resolved all the same to +see him in his home. It happens that even Blackey's household has a +hanger-on, who also happens to be a parasite of mine. He is a lanky, +weedy lad, with a foxy face. His dark, oblique-set eyes, his high +cheek-bones, his sharp chin, are vulpine to the last degree, and, as he +slouches along with his shoulders rucked up and his knees bent, he +looks like the Representative Thief. He is called Patsey, and I +frequently spare him a copper; but his chief patron is Blackey, who +often hands him the dregs of a pot of beer. + +Yesterday morning Patsey waylaid me, but I waved him off. At night he +caught me going in at the back gate of The Chequers; his hand trembled +as he clutched my arm, and he said with chattering teeth, "Give me a +dollar, and I'll tell you somethin'." + +"Tell me the something first, and then we'll see about the dollar." + +"Don't you go near Blackey's place to-night. They're a goin' to ast you +if they kin. Blackey's found out as you've got respectable relations as +wouldn't like to see your name in the papers, and he's goin' to 'ave a +new lay on. 'Taint no bloomin' error neither. The gal--Tilley, +don't-cherknow--she'll say, 'I'll walk home with you a bit,' when +Blackey's out. He meets you, and he says, 'Wot 'cher doin' 'long o' my +wife? Didn't I trust you at home? I'll expose you.' _She ain't no more +his wife than I am_, so you look out." + +"That's worth a dollar, Patsey. Now sneak you into the stables, and +don't come near me all night." + +I was quite at ease, and became convivial with Blackey and his worthy +father-in-law. The only thing that worried me was the knowledge that I +had one note in my watch-pocket besides my loose spending money. Still I +felt sure of dodging the gang, and I tried to appear innocent as +possible while the artless Blackey offered me liquor after liquor; and +he remarked at about ten, "My missus orfen says to me, 'Why don't you +fetch him home?' she says. If he brings a bottle we'll find our lot, and +he'll be just as jolly as he is at Billy Devine's. What say to come down +to-night?" + +"All right, only not too late." + +At twelve we departed, and I was taken to a row of low cottages, which, +however, were fairly solid and neat. At first we sat in a kitchen, and I +was accommodated with a tub for a seat. Our light came from the fire and +a dull lamp, which only made a reddened twilight in the air. The fat +woman watched me like a cat, and I fancied that her mouth was like that +of a carnivorous beast. The sly old man looked on the ground, but his +stealthy eye--like the eye of a cunning magpie--glittered sometimes as +he turned it on me. Blackey was most cordial, and soon proposed a song. +He obliged first, and warbled some ghastly affair which aimed at being +nautical in sentiment. The chorus contained some observations like +"Hilley-hiley-Hilley-ho," and it also gave us the information that +gentleman named Jack would shortly come home from the sea. The thing was +a silly Cockney travesty of a sailor's song, but we were all pleased +with it, and it led the way nicely to the girl's ditty, which stated +that somebody was going sailing, sailing, over the bounding main +(sailors always mention the sea as the bounding main), and by easy steps +we got to the fat woman's "Banks of Hallan Worrrtter." We were a jovial +company: four of us were wondering how they could rob the fifth, and +that fifth resolved, quite early in this seance, to use his +knuckle-duster promptly, and to prevent either of the male warblers from +getting behind him, at any risk. About three o'clock the junior lady +placed herself on my knee, and her husband approvingly described her as +a bloomin' baggage. I did not like the special perfume which my friend +employed for her hair, and I also disliked the evidences which went to +prove that the bath was not her favourite luxury; but we did not fall +out, and, after a spell of sprightly song, we all indulged in a dance of +the most spirited description. Drink was plentiful, and, as I saw I was +being plied very freely, I pretended to be eager for more. This modified +the strategy of my friends, for they were reasonably anxious to secure a +skinful, and they feared lest my powers might prove to be abnormal. Four +watching like wild beasts! One waiting, and calculating chances! The +sullen, grey-eyed old man had taken on the aspect of a ferret; the fat +woman was like that awful wretch who meets the pale girl in Hogarth's +"Marriage a la Mode;" the bastard gipsy smiled in "leary" fashion, as if +he were coming up for the second round of a fight, and knew that he had +it all own way. I pumped up jokes, and my snub-nosed charmer pretended +to laugh. Ah! what a laugh. + +This was the position when Blackey declared that he must go. "Got to +shunt, old man? You squat still, now, and git through that there lotion. +I got to go to market, and we ain't no bloomin' moke. I'm on on my +stand ten o'clock--no later--and that wants doin'. The missus'll fetch +me some corrfee, and, hear you, put a nip o' that booze in. It warms yer +liver up. By-by. Mind you stay, now, and no faint hearts. Mother, up +with your heavy wet, and try suthin' short. I'm off!" + +With an ostentatious farewell, the excellent Blackey stumped off, and +the four remaining revellers became staid. + +"'Ard times," said the ferret-faced man; "but we've 'ad _one_ good night +out on it anyways." + +"How do you make your living, may I ask, if that's a fair question, +mate?" This question was addressed by _me_ to the sly man, and he was +embarrassed. + +"Livin'! 'Taint no livin'. It's lingerin'. Leastways it would be if it +wasn't for my gell, Tilley, there. 'Er and 'er 'usban' gives us a 'and; +an' if you've got a bit about you you might 'elp us put our copper to +rights. Got a thick 'un? I'll pay it back, s'elp me Gord, if the missus +can start laundryin' agin'." + +I saw that this meant "Show us which pocket you keep your money in," so +I shamelessly said, "I'll put that square in the morning, governor." +Then some silly small-talk--petty as children's babble, low as the +cackle of the bar--went on, and I found myself somehow left alone with +the snub-nosed young person. She was evidently in some trouble, and I +was the more interested about her in that I chanced to look at a side +window, and found the fat, carnivorous woman and the down-looking man +surveying us with interest, under the impression that they were +invisible. + +Now, I have never cared for talking to girls of her class, for I do not +like them. All talk about soiled doves and the rest is mere nauseous +twaddle, arising from ignorance. The creatures take to their rackety +life because they like it, and, though I have met some good and kind +members of their class, I have observed that the majority are rapacious, +cruel, and devoid of every human sentiment that does not hinge on hunger +or vanity. You may treat a man as an equal in spite of his vices, and do +no harm, but to treat a woman as an equal _because_ of her vices is +worse than folly. This silly creature proposed to brush my hair. I had +encouraged her to familiarity, so I did not object to the toilet +process, but I did most strongly object to sniffing at a bottle which +she said would "freshen me up amazing." She withdrew the cork, and +memories of the college laboratory struck at my brain with +sudden violence on the instant. The unforgettable odour of ethyllic +chloride caught at my nerves, and I politely rose. + +"Pardon me, I must go. It will be daylight in half an hour," I said, for +I saw that merry Miss Tilley had been ready to supplement Blackey's +device by a second trick. + +"I'll come with you a little way. You're dotty a bit." + +I reached the fresh air and quietly said, "No, you mustn't. The men are +going to factory up by the Fawcett-road, and every second man we meet +will know us." + +Miss Tilley muttered something, but she preserved her smile and only +said, "I tell my husband as you took care of us." + +As I stole through the heavy fog I thought, "Now, what business had I +there? If my mother had seen that wretched servant girl brushing my hair +the old lady would have died--I, the child of many prayers, the hope of +a house, and stumping home on a foggy morning after sitting among the +scum of earth all night. I mean to be a philosopher, but what a beastly, +silly school to cultivate political philosophy in! What do I know more +than I knew before?--that one vulgar girl maintains three vulgar +criminals, and that all the four will come whining to the workhouse when +the game is played out and they can rob no one else. They are creatures +whose vices and idleness and general villany are engendered amid drink. +They are the foul fungi that fatten on the walls of the public-house; +that is all. And I have given them more drink only to see them plan a +robbery. Seventy thousand of them in London? Yes. But supposing a few +thousands of _us_, instead of being indifferent, instead of 'exploring' +in my harum-scarum way, go to work and try to give these creatures a +chance of living human lives? What then? Would Blackey or the girl or +the wicked old folk have gone to the bar and eaten away their morality +with alcohol if they had not been driven out by the stinking dulness of +that kitchen? I don't know. I only know that when this spell is over I +shall have some corrections to address to the people who stick up +institutes, and organise charitable funds. I can offer myself as the +horrid example, if they like, and that should impress them." + +Then my musings were checked, for I had to cross a wooden bridge over +the odious stream that poisoned Teddy, and the fog was like flying +gruel. Carefully I picked my way over the bridge, and aimed for the +dark, narrow lane that led towards my abode. I remember thinking, "What +a place this would be if we were troubled with footpads!" Then came a +pause. Now you know how sound travels in a fog? I saw two posts standing +shadowily before me; then the posts appeared to fade away, or to be +closed up in the brown haze; then I distinctly heard a whisper, "He +ain't got her with him. You come after me." I was stooping, and peering +to find out who whispered. Wrench! I grasped at my neck. Crack! A sound +like the clanking of chains rattled in my head; a flash of many coloured +flame shot before my eyes; a hundred memories came vividly to me, and I +thought I was a boy again, and then I remember no more, until some voice +said, "Feelin' better?" + +I was a little sick, and my head was bleeding, but otherwise I had +suffered no harm, and I could walk. It was as though I had received a +knock-down blow in a fight, and that does not hurt one for long. But how +lucky that the water was out of the mill stream! I had been pitched into +about six inches of water, and a policeman who heard the splash jumped +over some rails, and cut across a private paddock in time to save me +from being smothered in the mud. It is now midnight; I have a man with +me, and I am not quite so vigorous as I could wish, but my head is +clear, and to-morrow there will only be the criss-cross mass of +sticking-plaster to tell that I have been felled and robbed. I shall try +to pay Mr. Blackey out. Meantime the police and public should remember +that many men in London pick up a living by arranging humorous little +midnight interviews like that which I went through. Only the +professionals work on the Thames Embankment, and the "bashed" man, +instead of going into six inches of mud, never is heard of again till +his carcass is brought before the coroner. + + + + +ONE OF OUR ENTERTAINMENTS. + + +We have lately had "sport" brought to our very doors, and a pretty crew +offered themselves for my study. In the diseased life of the city many +odious human types are developed, but none are so horrible as those that +crop up at sporting gatherings of various sorts. I have never doubted +the existence of an impartial, beneficent Ruling Power save when I have +been among the scum of the sporting meetings. At those times I often +failed to understand why a good God could permit beings to remain on +earth whose very presence seems at once to insult the pure sky and the +memory of Christ. If you go away for a few weeks and live among simple +fishermen or hinds you become proud of your countrymen. On wild nights, +when the black waves galloped down on our vessel and crashed along our +decks, I have felt my heart glow as I watched the cool seamen picking +up their ropes and working deftly on amid the roaring darkness. The +fishers are sober, splendid men, who face death with never a tremor, and +toil on usefully day after day. Come away from their broad, sane +simplicity and courage, and look upon the infamous hounds who are bred +in the congested regions--you are sickened and depressed. + +I notice that the sporting gang talk only of betting, thieving, +whoremongering, or fighting. With regard to the latter pursuit, their +views are distinctly peculiar. A sudden, murderous rush in a crowded +bar, a quick, sly blow, and a run away--that is their notion of a manly +combat. In the days of the Tipton Slasher two Englishmen would fight +fairly like bulldogs for an hour at a stretch; no man thought of crowing +about a chance bit of bloodshed, or even a knock-down, for it was +understood that the combatants should fight on until one could not rise; +then they shook hands, and were friends. But the brutes whom I now see +are transformed Englishmen; they know that a fair upstanding contest +would not suit them, and their object is to land one cunning blow, then +to make as much noise as possible so as to attract attention. It is +cruelly funny to see a gaping blackguard, who has chanced to give +someone a black eye or a swollen nose, swaggering round like an absurd +bantam, and posing as a sort of athletic champion. The gang are nearly +always full of stories about their miserable scrambling fights, and +anyone might fancy he had got among a regular corps of paladins to hear +them vapour. One marvellously vile betting person haunts me like a +disease. The animal has a head like a sea-urchin, his lips are blubbery, +his tongue is too big for his mouth, and his face is like one that you +see in a nightmare. The ugly head is stuck on a body which resembles a +sack of rancid engine grease. This beauty is a fairly representative +specimen of our bold sportsmen. He is a deft swindler, and I have gazed +with blank innocence while he rooked some courageous simpleton at +tossing. The fat, rancid man can do almost as he chooses with a handful +of coins, and the marvellous celerity with which sovereigns or halfpence +glide between his podgy fingers is quite fascinating. On the subjects of +adultery and fighting this object is great, and his foul voice resounds +greasily amid our meetings of brave sportsmen. He is accompanied by a +choice selection of gay spirits, and I take leave to say that the +popular conception of hell is quite barren and poor compared with the +howling reality that we can show on any day when a little "sport" is to +the fore. I am tolerant enough, but I do seriously think that there are +certain assemblies which might be wiped out with advantage to the world +by means of a judicious distribution of prussic acid. + +Among my weaknesses must be numbered a strong fancy for keeping dogs of +various breeds. When you come to understand the animals you can make +friends of them, and I have lived in perfect contentment for months at a +stretch with no company but my terriers. A favourite terrier often goes +about with me now, and the other day Mr. Landlord said, with insinuating +softness, "We must have your pup entered for our coursing meeting." It +mattered little to me one way or the other, so I paid the entrance fee, +and forgot all about the engagement. Coursing with terriers is a very +popular "sport" in the south country, and the squat little white-and-tan +dogs are bred with all the care that used to be bestowed on fine strains +of greyhounds. I cannot quite see where the sport comes in, but many +men of all classes enjoy it, and I have no mind to find fault with a +remarkable institution which has taken fast root in England. All +coursing is cruel; a hare suffers the extremity of agony from the moment +when she hears the thud of the dogs' feet until she is whirled round and +shaken in those deadly jaws. I lay once amongst straggling furze while a +hare and two greyhounds rushed down towards me. Puss had travelled a +mile on a Suffolk marsh, and she was failing fast. As she neared me the +greyhounds made a violent effort, and the foremost one struck just +opposite my hiding-place. Never in my life have I seen such a picture of +agony; the poor little beast wrung herself sharp round with a +scream--such a scream!--and the dog only succeeded in snatching a +mouthful of fur. He lay down, and the hare hobbled into the cover. I +could see her tremble. The same sort of torture is inflicted when hares +are bundled out of an enclosure with the rapidity and precision of +machinery. There is a wild flurry, an agony of one minute or so, and all +is over. + +The mystery of man's cruelty is inexplicable to me; I feel the mad +blood pouring hard when the quarry rushes away, and the snaky dogs dash +from the slips; no thought of pity enters my mind for a time because the +mysterious wild-man instinct possesses me, and so I suppose that the +primeval hunter is ignobly represented by the people who go to see +rabbit coursing. We have been refining and refining, and educating the +people for a good while; yet our popular sports seems to grow more and +more cruel. We do not bait bulls now, but we worry hares and rabbits by +the gross, we massacre scores of pretty pigeons--sweet little birds that +are slaughtered without a sign of fair play. + +Decidedly the Briton likes the savour of blood to mingle with his +pleasures. A thousand of ordinary men will gather at Gateshead or Hanley +and howl with delight when two wiry whippets worry a stupefied rabbit. +They are decent fellows in their way, and they generally have a rigid +idea of fairness; but they fail to see the unfairness of hooking a +rabbit out of a sack and setting him to run for his life in an enclosure +from which he cannot possibly escape. Pastimes that do not involve the +death of something or the wagering of money are accounted tame. It is +one of the riddles that make me wish I could not think at all. I give it +up, for I am only a Loafer, and the dark problems of existence are +beyond me. + +Perhaps they are beyond Mr. Herbert Spencer. + +Our ragged regiment met in a wide, quiet field. Nearly all my costers +were about, and they cried "Wayo!" with cordiality. Half the company on +the field could not muster threepence in the world; many of them were +probably hungry; many were far gone in drink; but all were eager for +"sport." We shall have some talk presently about the bitter ennui of the +poor man's life. The existence of that deadly ennui never was brought +before me so vividly as it was when I saw that queer multitude, +forgetting hunger, cold, poverty, pain--and forgetting because they were +about to see some rabbits worried! + +On a low stand stood a broad pair of scales and an immense hamper. The +stand was watched by a red-faced merryandrew, who gibbered and yelled in +a vigorous manner. A funny reprobate is that old person. Every hour of +his life is given over to the search for excitement; he is never dull; +he has a cheery word for all whom he meets; he will drink, fight, and +even make love, with all the ardour of youth. When there is nothing more +exciting to do, he will drive a trotter for twenty miles at break-neck +pace. When he dies, his life's work may be easily summed up:--He drank +so many quarts of ale; he killed so many pigeons and rabbits. Nothing +more. + +My terrier made a ferocious dash at the big hamper, and I knew that our +victims were there. Presently the dogs began to arrive, and I was amazed +and amused to see some of the little brutes. They could no more catch a +rabbit on fair ground than they could pull down a locomotive; but the +long railway journey, the strange field, and the clamorous mob render +poor Bunny almost helpless, and he gives up his life only too easily. +The best of the terriers were beautiful wretches with iron muscles and a +general air of courageous wickedness. Their bloodthirstiness was +appalling; they knew exactly what was to happen, and their sharp yells +of rapture made a din that set my head swimming. Each of them writhed +and strained at the collar, and I caught myself wondering what the poor +rabbits thought (can they think?) as they heard the wild chiming of +that demon pack. In the country, when a dog gives tongue Bunny sits up +and twirls his ears uneasily; then, even if the bark is heard from afar +off, the little brown beast darts underground. Alas! there is no +friendly burrow in this bleak field, and there is no chance of escape; +for the merry roughs will soon finish any rabbit that shows the dogs a +clean pair of heels. + +The ceremony of weighing was completed in a dignified way, and the first +brace of dogs went to the slipper. One was a sprightly smooth terrier, +with a long, richly-marked head; he was quivering with anticipation, and +his demeanour offered a marked contrast to that of the dour, composed +brute pitted against him. The rabbit was lifted out of the hamper by one +of those greasy nondescript males, who are always to be seen when pigeon +shooting or coursing is going on. The greasy being held the rabbit by +the ears, and put it temptingly near the dogs. The sprightly terrier +went clean demented; the sullen one stood with thoughtful earnestness +waiting for a chance to catch the start. When the rabbit was put down it +cowered low and seemed trying to shrink into the ground; its ears were +pressed hard back, its head was pressed closely to the grass, and it was +huddled in an ecstasy of terror. Of course that is quite usual, but we +practical sportsmen cannot waste time over the sentimental terrors of a +rabbit. The greasy man uttered a howl, and Bunny started up, ran in a +circle, and then set off for the fence. I was struck by the animal's +mode of running. For hours I have watched them feeding, at early morning +or sundown, and I have noticed that as they shifted from place to place +they moved with a slow kind of hop, gathering their hind legs under them +at each stride. When Bunny is on his own ground he is one of the fastest +of four-footed things. He lays himself down to the ground, and travels +at such a terrific pace for about forty yards that he looks like a mere +streak on the ground. I never yet saw a terrier that could turn a rabbit +unless Bunny was imprudent enough to wander more than one hundred yards +from home. But this wretched brute in our field was moving at the pace +proper to feeding time, and, judging by its deliberate sluggishness, it +seemed to be inviting death. When the short pitter-patter of the +terriers' feet sounded on the grass, Bunny made a clumsy attempt to +quicken his pace; the leading dog plunged at him, and by a convulsive +effort the rabbit managed to swirl round and get clear. Then the second +dog shot in; then came one or two quick, nervous jerks from side to +side; then the beaten creature faltered, and was instantly seized and +swung into the air. A good wild rabbit would have been half-way across +the next field, but that unhappy invalid had no chance. + +The other courses were of much the same character, for the rabbit, being +used to run on a beaten path, has not the resource and dexterity of the +hare. One strong specimen distanced the pair of tiny weeds that were set +after him, but the pack of roughs were whooping at the border of the +field, and the doomed rabbit was soon clutched and pocketed. + +The betting was furious; a few hard-faced, well-dressed men did their +wagering quietly and to heavy amounts, but the mob yelled and squabbled +and cursed after their usual manner, and they were all ready to drink +when we returned. This is a fair description of rabbit coursing, and I +leave influential persons to decide as to whether or no it is a useful +or improving form of entertainment. I have my doubts, but must be +severely impartial. I will say this, however, that if any one of us had +spent the afternoon over a good novel, or something of that kind, he +would have been taken out of himself, and, when he rose, his mind would +have been filled with quiet and gracious thoughts. Our gang were +suffering from a form of the lust for blood; they were thirsty, and they +were possessed by that species of excitement which makes a man ready to +turn savage on any, or no, provocation. + +The bar was like the place of damned souls until eight o'clock: +everybody roared at the top of his voice; nobody listened to anybody +else, and everybody drank more or less feverishly. We had a supper to +celebrate the destruction of the rabbits, and afterwards the truculent +gentlemen, who had bellowed so vigorously in the field, sang sentimental +songs about "Mother, dear mother," "Stay with me, my darling, stay," or +patriotic songs referring to an article of drapery known as "The Flag of +Old Hengland." + +For half-an-hour our intricate choruses resounded as we went in groups +deviously homeward, and a few members of our sporting flock dotted the +paths at wide intervals. + +That kind of thing goes on all over the country in the winter time. It +is not for me to preach, but I must say that it seems to be a barren +kind of game. Can any man of the crowd think kindly or clearly about any +subject under the sun? I fancy not. My own real idea of the character of +the various mobs that see the rabbits die is such that I could not +venture to frame it in words. The sport is so mean, so trivial, so +purposeless, that I should go a long way to avoid seeing it now that I +know the subject well. + +And that unspeakably atrocious pettiness forms the only relaxation of a +very considerable number of Englishmen. If any member of a corporation +were to propose that a great hall should be opened free, and that good +music should be provided at the expense of the community, I suppose +there would be a deal of grumbling; but I am ready to prove that +expenses indirectly caused by our mad "sporting" would more than cover +the cost of a rational spell of pleasure. + +Honourable gentlemen and worthy aldermen are allowing a great mass of +people to remain in a brutalised condition; those people only derive +pleasure from the suffering of dumb creatures. + +How will it be if the callous crew take it into their heads at some or +other to show restiveness? Will they deal gently or thoughtfully with +those against whom their enmity is turned? Certainly their education by +no means tends to foster gentleness and thoughtfulness. If I were a +statesman instead of a Loafer, I reckon I should try might and main to +humanise those neglected folk--and they _are_ neglected--before they +teach some of us a terrific lesson. + +I see that one "Walter Besant" has some capital notions concerning the +subject which I have ventured to touch on. If he were a rough--as I am +during much of my time--he would be able to talk more to the purpose. +Still, I deliberately say that that novelist, who is often treated as a +moony creature, is a very wise and practical statesman, and he has used +his opportunities well. If powerful people do not very soon pay heed to +his message, they will have reason for regret. + +The worst of it is that one is constantly being forced to wonder whether +culture is of any use. For instance, on the day after the coursing, I +fell in with a smart lad who loafs about race meetings, and who +sometimes visits the landlord's parlour at the Chequers. He has been a +year out of Oxford, and he is rather a pretty hand at classics; yet he +tries to look and talk like a jockey, and his mother has to keep him +because he won't do any work. A shrewd little thing he is, and this is +how we talked:-- + +"Shall I drive you over to the meeting to-morrow?" + +"If you like." + +"We can do a bit together if you'll dress yourself decently. Barrett +says there's a new hunter coming out. It could win the Cesarewitch with +8st. 4lb., but they mean keeping his hunter's certificate. Put a bit +on." + +"Wait till we see." + +"Lord! If I could get the mater to part--only a pony--I'd buy a satchel +and start bookmaking in the half-crown ring myself. It's Tom Tiddler's +ground if you've got a nut on you." + +"Queer work for a 'Varsity man?" + +"Deed sight better than bear-leading, or going usher in a school. Fun! +Change! Fly about! What more do you want?" + +"Do you like to hear the ring curse? Dick and Alf often make me +goose-skinned." + +"What matter, so you cop the ready?" + +"Do you read now?" + +"Not such a Juggins. I think my Oxford time was all wasted. Of course, I +liked to hear Jowett palaver, and it was quiet and nice enough; but give +me life. Bet all day; dinner at the Rainbow, Pav., or Trocadero, and +Globe to finish up. That's life!" + +If anyone had chances this youth had them, and now his ambition is to +bet half-crowns with the riddlings of Creation. This universe is getting +to be a little too much for me. Come down, pipe; I shall go in the +Chequers parlour to-night, and play the settled citizen. + + + + +MERRY JERRY AND HIS FRIENDS. + + +I never saw such a cheerful face as Jerry's. Master Blackey can smile +and smile; he can smile on me even now, though I know almost to a +certainty that it was he who left that discoloured ring round my throat +not long ago. But Blackey can scowl also, whereas Jerry never ceases to +look benignant and jolly. He is a fine young fellow is Jerry, six feet +high, straight as a lance, ruddy, clear-skinned, and with the bluest, +brightest eye you can see. When he walks he is upright and stately as +the best of Guardsmen, without any military stiffness; when he spars he +is active as a leopard, and his mode of landing with his left is at once +terrible and artistic. Sometimes he drinks a little too much, and then +his sweet smile becomes fatuous, but he never is unpleasant. The girls +from the factory admire him sincerely; they call him Merry Jerry, and +he accepts their homage with serenity. He never takes the trouble to +show any deference towards his admirers; their amorous glances and +giggling are inevitable tributes to his fascinations, and he takes it +all as a matter of course. Like Blackey and the Ramper, Jerry never does +any work, and he is supposed to have private means. His speech is quite +correct, and even elegant, and although he does not converse on exalted +topics, he is a singularly pleasant companion in his way. Most of his +talk is about horse-racing, and he never reads anything but the sporting +papers. In that taste he resembles most of those who go to The Chequers. +The wrangling, the cursing, the whispered confidences that make up the +nightly volume of noise nearly all have reference to racing subjects. +The raggedest wretch at the bar puts on horsey airs when any great race +is to be decided; he may not know a horse from a mule, but he invariably +volunteers his opinion, and if he can raise a shilling he backs his +fancy. Polite gentlemen in Parliament and elsewhere do not appear to +know that there are something like one million British adults whose +chief interest in life (apart from their necessary daily work) is +centred on racing. I think I know almost every town in England, and I +never yet in all my wanderings settled at an inn without finding that +betting of some sort or other formed the main subject of conversation. +Hundreds of times--literally hundreds--I have known whole evenings +devoted to discussing the odds. The gamblers were usually men who did +not care to see horses gallop; they chatted about names, and that +satisfied them. A clerk, a mechanic, a tradesman, a traveller, a +publican asks his friend what he has done over such and such a race, +just as he asks after the friend's health. It is taken for granted that +everybody bets, and really intelligent fellows will stare at you in +astonishment if you say that you are not interested in the result of a +race. If I chose to make a book--only dealing in small sums--I could +contrive to win a fair amount every week by merely "betting to figures." +The bookmaker does not need to visit a racecourse; he is required to +work out a sort of algebraical problem on each race, and, by exercising +a little shrewdness, he may leave himself a small balance on every +event. Small sums in silver are always forthcoming to almost any +extent, and a clever man who has no more than L100 capital to start with +may pitch his tent almost anywhere, and make sure of getting plenty of +custom. People speak of the Italians as gamblers, but in Italy gambling +is not nearly so prevalent as in England. In Manchester alone one +sporting journal has a morning and evening edition, and there are daily +papers in most of the large Yorkshire towns. In the North-country I have +often watched the workmen during the breakfast half-hour, and found that +they did not care a rush for anything in the paper save the sporting +news. In London two great journals are published daily, and twice a week +each of them issues a double number. Every line of these papers is +devoted to sport, and each of them is a rich estate to the proprietor. + +The mania for betting grows more acute every day, the number of wealthy +bookmakers increases, and the national demoralisation has reached a +depth which would seem inconceivable to anyone who has not lived with +all sorts and conditions of men. A racing man is apt to become incapable +of concentrating his mind on anything except his one pursuit. Hundreds +of thoughtful and cultured people race a little and bet a little by way +of relaxation; but these take no harm. It is the ignorant, ill-balanced +folk, without higher interests, who suffer. + +Well-meaning persons spend money on respectable institutes for working +men, but the men do not care for staid, dull proceedings after their +work is over; they want excitement. A moderately heavy bet supplies them +with a topic for conversation; it gives them all the keen pleasures of +anticipation as the day of the race draws near, and when they open the +paper to see the final result they are thrilled just as a gambler is +thrilled when he throws the dice. No wonder that the mild and moral +places of recreation are left empty; no wonder that the public-houses +are well filled. If I were asked to name two things which interest the +English nation to the supreme degree, I should say--first, Sport; +second, Drink. If the strongest Ministry that ever took office attempted +to make betting a criminal offence, they would be turned out in a month. +Betting is now not a casual amusement, but a serious national pursuit. +The perfect honesty with which payments are made by agents is amazing. +A man who bets on commission for others may have L100,000 to lay out on +a race; every farthing is accounted for, and dishonesty among the higher +grades of the betting brotherhood is practically unknown. It is this +rigid observance of the point of honour that tempts people like our gang +in The Chequers bar to risk their shillings; they know that if they make +a right guess their payment is safe. The statesman who called the turf +"a vast instrument of national demoralization" was quite right, and if +he could have lived to take a tour round the country in this year of +grace he would have seen the flower of his nation given over to mean +frivolity. + +Jerry has tutored me in racing matters. He has not a thought that is not +derived from the columns of the sporting prints, and his life is passed +mainly in searching like a staunch terrier for "certainties." When he is +disposed to be communicative, he soon gathers quite an audience in The +Chequers, and should he drop a phrase like "George Robinson said to me, +'I've made my own book for Highflyer,'" or "Charley White, the Duke's +Motto, wouldn't lay Mountebank any more," the awe-stricken costers +stare. Here is a man, a regular toff, and no error--a man who knows +such Ringmen as Robinson and White--and yet he will speak to ordinary +coves without exhibiting the least pride! + +Jerry has taken me round to the best haunts where gallant sportsmen +assemble, and for some mysterious reason, his escort has secured for me +the most flattering deference. Queer holes he knows by the score. I +thought I had seen most things; but I find I am a babe compared with +Jerry. He once said to me, "Would you like to see a couple of lads +set-to? Real good 'uns." I had seen a great number of encounters; but my +two pounds handed over to Jerry procured me a sight of a battle which +was the most desperate affair I ever witnessed. But for the close, +oppressive atmosphere of the room where the fight took place, the whole +business would have been interesting. The spectators were well dressed +and well behaved, the boxers were beautiful athletes, and there was +nothing repulsive about the swift exchange of lightning blows until the +baking heat began to tell on the men; then it was disagreeable to see +two gallant fellows panting and labouring for breath. We often hear +that boxing is discredited. Rubbish! Ask Jerry about that, and you will +learn that any company of men who care to subscribe L25 may see a combat +wherein science, courage, and endurance are all displayed lavishly. + +Jerry was much interested in dog fighting, which latter pleasing pastime +is enjoyed quite freely in London to an extent that would amaze the +gentlemen who rejoice over the decline of brutality in Britain. + +The competitive instinct which once found vent in fighting and conquest +now works on other lines. The Englishman must be engaged in a contest, +or he is unhappy, and, since he cannot now compete sword to sword with +his fellow-creatures, he fights purse to purse instead. All these things +I knew in a vague way, but Jerry has made my knowledge definite and +secure. + +As for the man himself, I soon found that his "private means" were taken +in various ways from other people's pockets. During a chat, he said, +"You know you're not what you pretend to be. You hang about there, and +you bet, but you never bet enough to make anything at it. You must have +the coins, for I've seen you spend a quid in two hours in the +skittle-alley. But you don't seem to best anybody. What _is_ your game? +You may as well tell me." + +"I amuse myself in my own way, and I don't care to let the school know +much about me." + +"Well, my game's very simple. Only a juggins or a horse ever works, and +I don't intend to do any. It's just as easy to be idle as not. You take +the fellows in town that make their living after dark, and you always +see them having good times. There's some red-hot ones up--you know +where--in Piccadilly; they never get about till close on dinner time, +but they make up for lost time when they _are_ about. I should like to +work with you. If you were to come out a bit flash like me, why, with +your looks and your talk and that _educated_ kind of way you've got, you +might coin money." + +"But you wouldn't care to work the Embankment and run the risk of the +cat, as those Piccadilly chaps do?" + +"No fear. But you could do better than that. When you're boozed you're +not in it--you lose your head; but when you're right you make fellows +wonder what you are. Sink me! A flat would pal on to you in half an hour +if you coaxed him, as you can do it." + +Jerry is an amusing philosopher, who could only have been developed in +the rottenness of a decadence. Fancy an able-bodied, attractive fellow +living with ease from day to day without doing a stroke of honest +labour. He keeps clear of the police; he gratifies every want, yet he +has the intellect of a flash potman and the manners of a valet. The +tribe swarm in this city, and I reckon that they will teach us something +when the overturn comes. They are strong and cunning predatory animals, +who will direct weak and stupid predatory animals, and when the entire +predatory tribe smash the flimsy bonds with which society holds them in +check for the present, then stand by for ugly times. + +I hate the revolver, but I am glad that I took to carrying one in time. +Jerry and I grew so intimate, and I saw so much of his inner mind, that +I judged it better to make no midnight excursions in his company without +being ready for accidents. He is most humorous when he has wine in him, +and his humour is a shade too grim for my taste. + +We came home lately in a cab, after seeing a pretty little light-weight +from Birmingham receive a severe dressing at the hands of a pocket +Hercules from Bethnal Green. Jerry was in wild spirits, and his usual +charming smile had broadened into a grin. Nothing would suit him but +that I should go to his rooms. + +"My aunt keeps house for me, and she's sure to be up, and my sister's +there as well." + +The notion of Jerry's dwelling calmly with his aunt and his sister was +very touching, and my curiosity was roused. The aunt turned out to be a +placid woman with a low voice; the sister was too florid and loud for my +fancy. We played at whist, and in the intervals between the games we +tested Jerry's wine. He has a singularly good selection. The florid +nymph was reserved and coy at first, but as the wine mounted she rather +astonished me by her choice of expletives. The merry one had become +business-like, and that sweet smile was gone. As I looked at him I +gradually understood that I had once more made a fool of myself, and I +vowed that if I got out safely I would go to The Chequers no more. +Over-confidence is a bad fault in a prize-fighter: it is worse than that +in the case of a man who wishes to hold his own among London sharps. +Blackey had the best of me, and now I was in for a much worse business, +Jerry the Amiable drank ostentatiously, and he was evidently priming +himself; the sister waxed effusive, and the aunt took care that the +points were steadily increased. In the early morning the Amiable +suggested that I should stay, but I would not have slept under the same +roof with him for gold. He then ordered his relatives off to bed, and +they slunk away rather like dogs than ladies. Jerry was a masterful man. +When all was quiet I rose to take my hat, whereupon Jerry remarked, +"You're not going that way, are you?" + +"Must go home before it's too light." + +"You'll have another drink?" + +"No." + +"But you will!" + +The Amiable was really extremely exacting. + +"Thanks. Good morning." + +Jerry locked the door, and put his back to it. Then he softly said, +"You've come home and taken my liquor; you flirt with my sister, and +you're going away without leaving so much as a bit of gold. I'm not such +a fool as Blackey. I know your aunt. I can send a newspaper to her +address, and cook _your_ goose. Suppose I make a row. I can do that, and +we'll both be taken up for brawling outside a house of ill-fame. It +won't matter to me; I'm used to it. But you'll be spoofed. Now, share up +with an old pal, and I'll keep dark." + +I had contrived to edge away from him, and I had time to produce the +detestable firearm in a leisurely way. + +"You're very kind, Jerry, my lad. I'll stay at this side of the room, +and I shan't fire so long as you keep still. If you try to strike or put +your hand in your pocket I shall pull on you; If you care to raise your +arms over your head and move to the right-hand corner of the room I'll +go quietly." + +Jerry reckoned up all the chances and finally edged away from the door. + +"Hands up, Jerry." + +He obeyed, and I escaped into the street. Jerry is a coward at bottom, +or he might have known that I dare not fire. + +He met me the very next day, and he wore the usual free, gay smile. He +held out his hand and flashed his teeth: "Forget that nonsense last +night, old pal. When the booze is in--you know the rest. I was only +having a lark. What'll you have? We shall be glad to see you round +again." + +But Mr. Landlord had dropped a word to me only half an hour before. Said +Mr. Landlord, in answer to a little careless pumping, "Oh, Jerry? Well, +it ain't no business of mine, but if it wasn't for the girls he'd have +mighty few flash top-coats, nor beefsteaks neither for that matter." + +Alas! Jerry, the smiling, delightful youth, is one of those odious pests +who hang about in sporting company, and who are contemned and shunned by +respectable racing men. Said a grave turfite to me last week, "Call +_those_ sportsmen! I'd--I'd--" but he could not invent a doom horrid +enough for them, so he changed the subject with a mighty snort. + +There is no knowing what gentlemen like Jerry will do. To call them +scoundrels is to flatter them: they are brigands, and the knifing, +lounging rascals of Sicily and Calabria are mere children in villany +compared with their English imitators. Places like The Chequers are the +hunting-grounds of creatures like Jerry, and the bait of drink draws the +victims thither ready to be sacrificed. A month ago four of Jerry's gang +most heartlessly robbed a publican who had sold his business. He had the +purchase-money in his pocket, and the fellows drugged him. He ought to +have known better, seeing how often he had watched the brigands +operating on other people; but as he lost L700, and as his assailants +are still at large with their shares of the spoil, we must not reproach +him or add to his misery. + +I picked out Jerry for portraiture because he is a fairly typical +specimen of a bad--a very bad--set. When the history of our decline and +fall comes to be Written by some Australian Gibbon, the historian may +choose the British bully and turfite to set alongside of the awful +creatures who preyed on the rich fools of wicked old Rome. + + + + +THE GENTLEMAN, THE DOCTOR, AND DICKY. + + +We have had enough of the roughs for a time, and I want now to deal with +a few of the wrecks that I see--wrecks that started their voyage with +every promise of prosperity. Let no young fellow who reads what follows +fancy that he is safe. He may be laborious; an unguarded moment after a +spell of severe work may see him take the first step to ruin. He may be +brilliant: his brilliancy of intellect, by causing him to be courted, +may lead him into idleness, and idleness is the bed whereon parasitic +vices flourish rankly. Take warning. + +I was invited to go for a drive, but I had letters to write, and said +so. A quiet old man who was sitting in the darkest corner of the bar +spoke to me softly, "If your letters are merely about ordinary +business, you may dictate them to me here, and I will transcribe them +and send them off." I replied that I could do them as quickly myself. +The old man smiled. "You do not send letters in shorthand. I can take a +hundred and forty words a minute, and you can do your correspondence and +go away." The oddity of the proposal attracted me. I agreed to dictate. +The old man took out his notebook, and in ten minutes the work was done. +We came back in an hour, and by that time each letter was transcribed in +a beautiful, delicate longhand. I handed the scribe a shilling, and he +was satisfied. The Gentleman, as we called him, writes letters for +anyone who can spare him a glass of liquor or a few coppers; but I had +never tested his skill before. There was no one in the bar, so I sat +down beside the old man, and we talked. + +"You seem wonderfully clever at shorthand. I am surprised that you +haven't permanent work." + +"It would do me little good. I can go on for a long time, but when my +fit comes on me I am not long in losing any job. They won't have me, +friend--they won't have me." + +"You've been well employed, then, in your time?" + +"No one better. If I had command of myself, I might have done as well in +my way as my brother has in his. I could beat him once, and I was quite +as industrious as he was; but, when I came to the crossroads, I took the +wrong turning, and here I am." + +"May I ask how your brother succeeded? I mean--what is he?" + +"He is Chief Justice ----." + +I found that this was quite true; indeed, the Gentleman was one of the +most veracious men I have known. + +"Does your brother know how you are faring?" + +"He did know, but I never trouble him. He was a good fellow to me, and I +have never worried him for years. I prefer to be dead to the world. I +have haunted this place, as you know, for six months; to-morrow I may +make a change, and live in another sty." + +"But surely you could get chance work that would keep you in decent +clothes and food." + +"I do get many chance jobs; but if the money amounts to much I am apt to +be taken up as drunk and incapable." + +The sweet, quiet smile which accompanied this amazing statement was +touching. The old man had a fine, thoughtful face, and only a slight +bulbousness of the nose gave sign of his failing. Properly dressed, he +would have looked like a professor, or doctor, or something of that +kind. As it was, his air of good breeding and culture quite accounted +for the name the people gave him. I should have found it impossible to +imagine him in a police-cell had I not been a midnight wanderer for +long. + +"How did you come to learn shorthand?" + +"My father was a solicitor in large practice, and I found I could assist +him with the confidential correspondence, so I took lessons in White's +system for a year. My father said I was his right hand. Ah! He gave me +ten pounds and two days' holiday at Brighton when I took down his first +letter." + +"Have you been a solicitor?" + +"No. I had an idea of putting my name down at one of the Inns, but I +went wrong before anything came of the affair." + +"You say you have had good employment. But how did you contrive to +separate from your father?" + +"Oh! I wore out his patience. I was so successful that I thought it safe +to toast my success. We were in a south-country town--Sussex, you +know--and I began by hanging about the hotel in the market-place. Then I +played cards at night with some of the fast hands, and was useless and +shaky in the mornings. Then I began to have periodical fits of +drunkenness; then I became quite untrustworthy, and last of all I robbed +my father during a bad fit, and we parted." + +"And then?" + +"I picked up odd jobs for newspapers, or sponged on my brother. At last +I was sent to the House as reporter, and did very well until one night +when Palmerston was expected to make an important speech. My turn came, +and I was blind and helpless. Since then I have been in place after +place, but the end was always the same, and I have learned that I am a +hopeless, worthless wretch." + +"But couldn't your brother, for his own credit's sake, keep you in his +house and put you under treatment?" + +"My good friend, I should die under it. I revel in degradation. I +luxuriate in self-contempt. My time is short, and I want to pass it away +speedily. This life suits me, for I seldom have my senses, and there is +only the early morning to dread. I think then--think, think, think. +Until I can scrape together my first liquor I see ugly things. I should +be in my own town with my grandchildren round me. I might have been on +the Bench, like my brother, and all men would have respected me as they +do him. Sons and daughters would have gathered round me when I came to +my last hour. I gave it all up in order to sluice my throat with brandy +and gin. That is the way I think in the morning. Then I take a glass, or +beg one, as I shall from you presently, and then I forget. Once I went +out to commit suicide, and took three whiskies to string my nerve up. In +two minutes I was laughing at a Punch and Judy show. If you'll kindly +order a quartern of gin in a pint glass for me, I'll fill it up and be +quite content all the evening. No one ill-uses me. I'm a soft, harmless, +disreputable old ne'er-do-well. That is all." + +We drank, and then the Gentleman said, "You come here a good deal too +much. Your hand was not quite right yesterday morning. Usually you keep +right, and I really don't know how far you are touched. If I had your +youth and your appearance, I think I should save myself in time by a +bold step. Join the temperance people and work publicly; then you are +committed, and you can't step back." + +"But you don't think that I am likely to go to the dogs? I loaf around +here because I have no ambition, and my life was settled for me; but I +have command over myself." + +"You _had_ command over yourself, you mean. I think you are in great +danger--very great indeed. My good friend, there are _no_ exceptions. +Meet me to-night, or say to-morrow, as I am to be drunk to-night; go to +the beer-house at the end of my street, and I'll show you something." + +Just then the Ramper came up and hailed the Gentleman. "Here you old +swine! Are you sober enough to scratch off a letter?" + +"I'm all right." + +"Well, then, write to the usual, and tell him to put me on half-a-quid +Sunshine, and half-a-quid Dartmoor a shop--s.p. both." + +Thus our conversation was stopped, and the brother of a judge earned +twopence by writing a letter for a racecourse thief. + +Next night I went to a very shady public-house, and the Gentleman led me +into a dirty room, where a little old man was sitting alone. The man was +crooked, wizened, weak, and his bare toes stuck out of both shoes; his +half-rotten frock coat gaped at the breast and showed that he had no +shirt on; his hat must have been picked up from a dustheap, for it was +filthy, and broken in three or four places. + +"For mercy's sake, give me a mouthful of something!" said this object, +turning the face of a mummy towards me. His dim eyes were rheumy, and +his chin trembled. An awful sight! + +In a flash I remembered him, and cried, "What, Doctor!" + +He said, "I don't know you; my memory's gone. Send for twopenn'orth or a +penn'orth of beer. Pray do." + +My young friends, that man who begged for a pennyworth of muddy ale was +first of all a brilliant soldier, then a brilliant lawyer, then a +brilliant historian. His doctor's degree--he was Doctor of Laws--was +gained by fair hard work. Think of that, and then look at my picture of +the sodden, filthy scarecrow! Yes; that man began my education, and had +I only gone straight on I should not be loafing about The Chequers. You +ask how he could have anything to do with my education? Well, long ago I +was a little bookworm, living in a lonely country house, and I had the +run of some good shelves. I was only nine years old, but a huge history +in two volumes attracted me most. I read and read that book until I +could repeat whole pages easily, and even now I can go off at score if +you give me a start. + +The Scarecrow wrote that history! + +Years afterwards I was fighting my way in London, and had charge of a +journal which made a name in its day. Sometimes I had to deal with a +message from a Minister of State, sometimes with a petition from a +starving penny-a-liner. One day a little man was shown into my room, +which room was instantly scented with whisky. He was well introduced, +and I said, "Are you the Doctor ---- who wrote the 'History of ----'?" + +"I am, sir, and proud I shall be to write for you." + +"What can you do?" + +"Here's a specimen." + +The MS. was a bundle of bills from a public-house, and the blank side +was utilised. The Doctor never wasted money on paper when he could avoid +it. The stuff was feeble, involved, useless. My face must have fallen, +for the piteous Scarecrow said, "I have not your approval." + +"We cannot use this." + +Bending forward and clasping his hands, he said, "Could you not give me +two shillings for it? There are two columns good. A shilling a column; +surely that can't hurt you." + +"I'll give you two shillings, and you can come back again if you are +needy, but the MS. is of no use to us." + +He took the money, and returned again and again for more. I found that +he used to put fourpence in one pocket to meet the expense of his +lodging-house bed, and he bought ten two-pennyworths of gin with the +rest of the money. He always asked for two shillings, and always got +it. I was not responsible for his mode of spending it. + +And now the Doctor had turned up in the region of The Chequers. He was +piteously, doggishly thankful for his drink, and he cried as he bleated +out his prayers for my good health. Men cry readily when they come to be +in the Doctor's condition. I asked him to take some soup. "I'm no great +eater," he said; "but I'd like just one more with you--only one." + +"Where do you lodge, Doctor?" + +"To tell you the truth, I'm forced to put up with a berth in the old +fowl-house at the bottom of the garden here. They let me stay there, but +'tis cold--cold." + +"Do you work at all now?" + +"Sometimes. But there is little doing--very little." + +"How did you come to cease practising at the Bar, Doctor?" + +"How do I come to be here? 'Tis the old thing--the old thing--and has +been all along." + +This poor wretch could not be allowed to go about half-naked, so I let +the potman run out and get him a slop suit. (The Doctor sold the +clothes next day for half-a-crown, and was speechless when I went to see +him.) A hopeless, helpless wretch was the Doctor--the most hopeless I +ever knew. He entered the army, early in life, and for a time he was +petted and courted in Dublin society. The man was handsome, +accomplished, and brilliantly clever, and success seemed to follow him. +He sold out of the army and went to the Bar, where he succeeded during +many years. No one could have lived a happier, fuller, or more fruitful +life than he did before he slid into loose habits. His only pastime was +the pursuit of literature, and he finished his big history of a certain +great war while he was in full practice at the Chancery Bar. Power +seemed to reside in him; fortune poured gifts on him; and he lost all. +In an incredibly short space of time he drank away his practice, his +reputation, his hopes of high honour, his last penny. + +Thus it was that my historian came to beg of me for that muddy +penn'orth. + +I may as well finish the Doctor's story. If I were writing fiction the +tale would be scouted as improbable, yet I am going to state plain +facts. A firm of lawyers hunted up the Doctor, and informed him that he +had succeeded to the sum of L30,000. There was no mistake about the +matter; the long years of vile degradation, the rags, the squalor, the +scorn, of men were all to disappear. The solicitors dressed the Doctor +properly and advanced him money; he set off for Ireland to make some +necessary arrangements, and he solemnly swore that he would become a +total abstainer. At Swindon he chose to break his journey, took to +drinking, and kept on for many hours. It was long since he had had such +a chance of unlimited drink, and he greedily seized it. When he went to +bed he took a bottle with him, and in the morning he was dead. +Suffocated by alcohol, they said. He had no living soul related to him, +and I believe his money went to the Crown. + +I have written this last fragment on separate sheets, and my journal is +interleaved for the first time. + +The Gentleman and I became very friendly. I never tried to keep him from +drinking: it was useless. When he was sober his company was pleasant, +and I was very sorry when he mysteriously migrated, and many of our crew +missed his help badly. + +Some time after the Gentleman's flight, I was in a common lodging-house +in Holborn, and in the kitchen I met a delightful vagabond of a +Frenchman with whom I had a long talk. He happened to say, "One of our +old friends died last week. He was a good man, and very well bred. +Figure it to yourself, he was brother of one of your judges!" Then I +knew that the Gentleman had gone. I wish I could have seen him again. As +I look back at the old leaves of my journal I seem to see that sweet, +patient smile which he wore as he told the story of his fall. There are +some things almost too sad to bear thinking about. This is one. + + * * * * * + +Our friend Dicky had a bad misfortune lately. I should say that Dicky is +an oldish man, who drifted into this ugly quarter some time ago, and +took his place in the parlour, which is a room that I now prefer to the +bar. I was holding a friendly discussion with a butcher when a strident +voice said, "You are absolutely and irredeemably ignorant of the +rudiments of your subject." I started. Where had I heard that voice +before? The man was clad in an old shooting-jacket; his trousers were +out at the knee, and his linen was very dirty; yet there was a something +about him--a kind of distinction--which was impressive. After launching +his expression of contempt at us, he buried his face in his pot and took +a mighty drink. Slowly my memory aided me, and under that knobby, +pustuled skin I traced the features of Dicky Nash, the most dreaded +political journalist of my time. Often I had heard that voice roaring +blasphemies with a vigour that no other man could equal; often had I +seen that sturdy form extended beside the editorial chair, while the +fumes in the office told tales as to the cause of the fall. And now here +was Dicky--ragged, dirty, and evidently down on his luck. I soon made +friends with him by owning his superior authority, and he kindly took a +quart of ale at my expense. This was a man who used to earn L2,000 a +year after he resigned his University fellowship. He was the friend and +adviser of statesmen; he might have ended as a Cabinet Minister, for no +man ever succeeded in gauging the extent of his miraculous ability; he +seemed to be the most powerful, as well as the most dreaded man in +England. Woe is me! We had to carry him up to bed; and he stayed on +until he spent a three-guinea cheque, which Mr. Landlord cashed for him. + +I knew no good would come of his Fleet-street games, though he used to +laugh things off himself. He would come in about seven in the evening, +and seat himself at his table. Then he would hiccup, "Can't write +politics; no good. Give us a nice light subject." + +"Try an article on the country at this season of the year." + +"Good. I can't hold the damned pen. You sit down, I'll dictate: In this +refulgent season, when the barred clouds bloom the soft dying day, it is +pleasant to wander by the purple hedgerows where the stars of the (What +damned flower is it that twinkles now? What do you say? Ragged Robin? +Not poetic enough. Clematis? That'll do. Damn it, ride on!)--the stars +of the clematis modestly twinkle, and the trailing--(What the h---- is +it that trails? Honeysuckle? Good. Weigh in!)--trailing honeysuckle +flings down that rich scent that falls like sweet music on the +nerves.'" + +And so on. He managed in this way to turn out the regulation column of +flummery, but I knew it could not last. And now he had come to be a sot +and an outcast. Worse has befallen him. He screwed up his nerve to write +an article in the old style, and I helped him by acting as amanuensis. +He violently attacked an editor who had persistently befriended him; +then he wrote a London Letter for that editor's paper; then he sent the +violent attack away in the envelope intended for the letter. There was a +terrible quarrel. + +So far did the Gentleman, the Doctor, and Dicky come down. I may say +that Dicky, the companion of statesmen, the pride of his university, +died of cold and hunger in a cellar in the Borough. Oh, young man, boast +not of thy strength! + + + + +POACHERS AND NIGHTBIRDS. + + +The Chequers stands in a very nasty place, yet we are within easy +distance of a park which swarms with game. This game is preserved for +the amusement of a royal duke, who is kind enough to draw about twelve +thousand a year from the admiring taxpayer. He has not rendered any very +brilliant service to his adopted country, unless we reckon his nearly +causing the loss of the battle of Alma as a national benefit. He wept +piteously during the battle of Inkerman when the Guards got into a warm +corner, but, although he is pleasingly merciful towards Russians, he is +most courageous in his assaults on pheasants and rabbits, and the +country provides him with the finest sporting ground in England. I +should not like to say how many men make money by poaching in the park, +but we have a regular school of them at The Chequers, and they seem to +pick up a fair amount of drink money. The temptation is great. Every one +of these poaching fellows has the hunter's instinct strongly developed, +and neither fines nor gaol can frighten them. The keepers catch one +after another, but the work goes on all the same. You cannot stop men +from poaching, and there is an end of the matter. You may shout yourself +hoarse in trying to bring a greyhound to heel after he sights a hare; +but the dog _cannot_ obey you, for he is an automaton. The human +predatory animal has his share of reason, but he also is automatic to +some degree, and he will hunt in spite of all perils and all punishments +when he sights his prey. One comic old rascal whom I know well has been +caught thirty times and imprisoned eight times. While he is in gaol he +always occupies himself in composing songs in praise of poaching, and on +the evening of his release he is invariably called on to furnish the +company in the tap-room with his new composition. He cannot read or +write, but he learns his songs by heart, and I have taken down a large +number of them from his own lips. The things are much like Jemmy +Catnach's stuff, so far as rhyme and rhythm are concerned, but they are +interesting on account of the sly exultation that runs through them. + +In one poem the lawless bard gives an account of a day's life in gaol, +and his coarse phrases make you almost feel the cold and hunger. Here +are some scraps from this descriptive work:-- + + "Till seven we walk around the yard, + There is a man all to you guard. + If you put your hand out so, + Untoe the guv'nor you must go; + Eight o'clock is our breakfast hour, + Those wittles they do soon devour; + Oh! dear me, how they eat and stuff, + Lave off with less than half enough. + Nine o'clock you mount the mill, + That you mayn't cramp from settin' still. + If that be ever so against your will, + You must mount on the traaedin' mill. + There is a turnkey that you'll find + He is a raskill most unkind. + To rob poor prisoners he is that man, + To chaaete poor prisoners where he can. + At eleven o'clock we march upstairs + To hear the parson read the prayers. + Then we are locked into a pen-- + It's almost like a lion's den. + There's iron bars big round as your thigh, + To make you of a prison shy. + At twelve o'clock the turnkey come; + The locks and bolts sound like a drum. + If you be ever so full of game, + The traaedin' mill it will you tame. + At one you mount the mill again, + That is labour all in vain + If that be ever so wrong or right, + You must traaede till six at night. + Thursdays we have a jubal fraae + Wi' bread and cheese for all the day. + I'll tell you raaelly, without consate, + For a hungry pig 'tis a charmin' bait. + At six you're locked into your cell, + There until the mornin' dwell; + There's a bed o' straw all to lay on, + There's Hobson's choice, there's that or none." + +That is a bleak picture; but the old man winds up by bidding all his +mates "go it again, my merry boys, and never mind if they you taaeke." He +told me that on several occasions he was out ferreting, or with his +lurcher, on the next night after coming out of prison. Can you keep such +a fellow out of a well-stocked park? He likes the money that he gets for +game, but what he likes far better is the wild pleasure of seeing the +deadly dogs wind on the trail of the doomed quarry; he likes the danger, +the strategy, the gambling chances. + +One night I got this old man to drive me about for some hours. He is a +smart hand with horses, and when I said, "Can you manage without lamps +in this dark?"--he answered, "I could find my way for twenty miles round +here if you tie my eyes up. There's nary gate that my nets hasn't been +under; there's hardly a field that I haven't been chased on." As our +trotter swung on, I found that the poacher associated almost every gate +and outhouse and copse with some wild story. For example, we passed a +clump of farm-buildings, and the poacher said; "I had a queer job in +there. Three of us had had a good night--a dozen hares--and we got +half-a-crown apiece for them, so we drank all day, and came out on the +game again at night. We put down a master lot o' wires about eleven, and +then we takes a bottle o' rum and goes to lie down on a load of hay. +Well, we all takes too much, and sleeps on and on. When I wakes, Lord, +we was covered with snow, and a marcy we was alive. We dursn't go for +our wires in the daylight, and there we has to stand and see a keeper go +and take out three hares, one after another. It was a fortnight before I +had a chance of picking up the wires again, and we was about perished." +Cold, wet, and all other inconveniences are nothing to the poacher. + +Presently my man chuckled grimly. "Had a near shave over there where you +see them ar' trees. I had my old dorg out one night, and two commarades +along with me. We did werra well at that gate we just passed, so we +tries another field. Do you think that there owd dorg 'ud go in? Not he. +There never was such a one for 'cuteness. We was all in our poachin' +clothes, faces blacked, women's nightcaps on, and shirts on over our +coats. Well, the light come in the sky, and I separates from my mates, +for I sees the owd dorg put up a hare and coorse her. I follows him, and +he gits up for first turn; then puss begins to turn very quick to throw +the dorg out before she made her last run to cover. He was on the scut, +the old rip--catch him leave her--and I gits excited, and, like a fool, +I chevies him on. In a minute I sees a man running at me, and off I goes +for the gate. Now, I could run any man round here from 300 yards up to a +mile; but I knew I must be took at the gate, unless I could stop the +keeper. I had a big stick with me--about six foot long it was--and did +sometimes to beat fuzz with; so I takes the stick by one end. He come up +very sharp, and I made up my mind to let him gain on me. As soon as I +_feels_ him on me, I swings round, and the stick got him on the side of +the head. He went flat down, and I got on to the road. I picked up my +mates, and we washes our faces in a pond; then we leaves our clothes +with one of the school, and walks off to the pub. Half an hour after, in +comes the keeper and says, 'See what some of you blackguards has done +for me?' I stands him a drink and says how sorry, and we parted. Ah! +Years after that I was at a harvest supper with that keeper, and we +talks of that affair. I says, 'I'll tell you now, I was the man as +knocked you over,' and he says, 'Shake hands, Tom. It was the cleanest +thing I ever saw done.' + +"Do you really like the game, then?" + +"Like it! I'd die at it. If it wasn't for my crippled foot I'd be out +every night now." + +Old Tom, the much-imprisoned man, never goes out with a gang now, but +his influence is potent. He is the romantic poacher, and many a man has +been set on by him. Observe that the best of these night thieves are on +perfectly friendly terms with the keepers. If they are taken, they +resign themselves to fate, and bear no ill-will. It is a game, and if +the keeper makes a good move he is admired--and forgiven. + +Six regular poachers come daily to The Chequers, but there are many +others hanging around who are merely amateurs. One queer customer with +whom I have stayed out many nights is the despair of the keepers. His +resource is inexhaustible, and his courage is almost admirable. Let me +say--with a blush if you like--that I am a skilful poacher, and my +generalship has met with approval from gentlemen who have often seen the +inside of Her Majesty's prisons. Alas! + +One day I was much taken with the appearance of a beautiful fawn bitch, +which lay on the seat in the room which is used by the most shady men in +the district. Her owner was a tall, thin man, with sly grey eyes, set +very near together, and a lean, resolute face. Doggy men are freemasons, +and I soon opened the conversation by speaking of the pretty fawn. She +pricked her ears, and to my amazement, they stood up like those of a +rabbit. Such a weird, out-of-the-way head I never saw, though the dog +looked a nice, well-trained greyhound when she had her ears laid back. + +I said, "Why, she's a lurcher." + +"She ain't all greyhound; but the best man as ever I knew always said +there never was a prick-eared one a bad 'un." + +"Is she for sale?" + +"There ain't enough money to buy her." + +"She's so very good?" + +"Never was one like her!" + +I found out, when we became fast friends, that the man's statement was +quite correct. The dog's intelligence was supernatural. For the benefit +of innocents who do not know what poaching is like, I will give an idea +of this one dog's depredations. The owner--the Consumptive, I call him, +as his night work has damaged his lungs--grew very friendly one day, and +confidential. He winked and remarked, "Now, how many do you think I've +had this month?" + +"How many what?" + +"You know. Rabbits. Guess." + +I tried, and failed. The Consumptive whispered, "Well, I keeps count, +just the same as a shopkeeper, and as true as I'm a living man I've +taken two hundred and fifty out of that park, and averaged tenpence for +'em." + +"With the one bitch?" + +"No. I've got a pup from her--such a pup. The old 'un's taught the baby, +and I swear I'll never let that pup come out in daylight. They work +together, and nothing can get away." + +This astounding statement was true to the letter. The dogs were like +imps for cunning; they would hide skilfully at the very sound of a +strange footstep, and they would retrieve for miles if necessary. I may +say that I have seen them at work, and I earnestly wish that Frank +Buckland could have been there. + +The Consumptive is a dissolute, drunken fellow, whose life is certainly +not noble. Fancy being maintained in idleness by a couple of dogs! But +the park is there, and the man cannot help stealing. I have seen his +puppy, and I wish the royal duke could see her. She is a cross between +lurcher and greyhound; her cunning head resembles that of a terrier, and +her long, slim limbs are hard as steel. Her precious owner spends his +days in tippling; he never reads, and, I fancy, never thinks; he goes +forth at dusk, and his faithful dogs proceed to work for his livelihood. + +The Consumptive is, as I have said, a man of great resource; but he has +for once been within a hair's breadth of disaster. When he walks across +the park at dusk, he likes to take his wife with him, and on such +occasions he looks like a quiet workman out for a stroll with the +missus. He sometimes puts his arm round the lady's waist, and the couple +look so very loving and tender. It would never do to take the raking, +great deerhound; but the innocent little fawn dog naturally follows her +master, and looks, oh! so demure. + +The lady wears a wide loose cloak, which comes to her feet, for you must +know that the mists rise very coldly from the hollows. Then these two +sentimentalists wend their way to a secluded quarter of the vast park, +and presently the faithful fawn mysteriously disappears. She moves slyly +among the bracken, and her exquisite scent serves to guide her +unerringly as she works up wind. Presently she steadies herself, takes +aim, and rushes! The rabbit only has time to turn once or twice before +the savage jaws close on him, and then the fawn makes her way carefully +towards Darby and Joan. She takes advantage of every shadow; she never +thinks of rashly crossing open ground, and Darby has only got to stamp +twice to make her lie down. She sneaks up, and, horror! she gives the +rabbit to Joan. Now under that cloak there is a useful little apparatus. +A strong strap is fastened under Joan's armpits and over her breasts. +This strap has on it a dozen strong hooks. Joan slits away the tendons +of the rabbit's hind legs from the bone, hangs the game on one of the +hooks, and the lovers wend their way peacefully, while the family +provider glides off on another murderous errand. When four or five hooks +are occupied, the lady walks homeward with the demure dog, Darby goes +and drinks at The Chequers till about eleven, and then the +mouse-coloured deerhound is taken out to do her share. + +The fond couple were sitting on a bench under a tree, for Joan had +fairly tired under the weight of no less than nine rabbits which were +slung on her belt. The lurcher stole up, and quietly laid a rabbit down +at Joan's feet; then a soft-spoken man came from behind the tree, and +observed-- + +"I am a policeman in plain clothes, and you must go with me to the +keeper's cottage." + +But Darby, the wily one, rose to the occasion. The dog is trained to +repudiate his acquaintance at a word, and when he said, "That's not my +dog; get off, you brute!" the accomplished lurcher picked up the rabbit +and vanished like lightning. Nevertheless the policeman led off Darby, +and Joan followed. The keeper was out, but the policeman searched the +Consumptive and found nothing. + +The keeper said to me--even me, "My wife tells me they brought up a man +the other night, but he had no game on him. He had a woman with him that +fairly made the missus tremble. She was like a bloomin' giant out of a +show." I smiled, for the Consumptive had told me the whole tale. "My +'art was in my mouth," he remarked, and I do not wonder. Considering +that Joan was padded with the carcases of _nine_ rabbits under that +enormous cloak, it was quite natural for her bulk to seem abnormal. Ah! +if that intelligent policeman had probed the mysteries that underlay +the cloak! I am glad he did not, for the Consumptive is a most +entertaining beast of prey. + +Another of our poaching men was obliged to borrow from me the money for +his dog licences, and in gratitude he allowed me to see his brace of +greyhounds work at midnight. People think that greyhounds cannot hunt by +scent, but this man has a tiny black and a large brindle that work like +basset-hounds. They are partners, and they have apparently a great +contempt for the rules of coursing. One waits at the bottom of a field, +while his partner quarters the ground with the arrowy fleetness of a +swallow. When a hare is put up by the beating dog she goes straight to +her doom. + +It seems marvellous that such lawless desperadoes should be hanging +about London; but there they are, and they will have successors so long +as there is a head of game on the ground. The men are disreputable +loafers; they care only for drink and the pleasures of idleness. I grant +that. My only business is to show what a strange secret life, what a +strange secret society, may be studied almost within sight of St. +Paul's. + +The very best and most daring poacher I know lives within +five-and-twenty minutes' journey from Waterloo. You may keep on framing +stringent game laws as long as you choose, but you cannot kill an +overmastering instinct. + +I am not prepared to say, "Abolish the Game Laws;" but I do say that +those laws cause wild, worthless fellows to be regarded as heroes. No +stigma whatever attaches to a man who has been imprisoned for poaching; +he has won his Victoria Cross, and he is admired henceforth. You inflict +a punishment which confers honour on the culprit in the eyes of the only +persons for whose opinion he cares. Even the better sort of men who +haunt our public-houses are glad to meet and talk with the poachers. The +punishment gives a man a few weeks of privation and months of adulation. +He bears no malice; he simply goes and poaches again. No burglar ever +brags of his exploits; the poacher always boasts, and always receives +applause. + + + + +JIM BILLINGS. + + +Few people know that large numbers of the splendid seamen who man our +North Sea fishing fleets are arrant Cockneys. In the North-country and +in Scotland the proud natives are accustomed to regard the Cockney as a +being who can only be reckoned as human by very charitable persons. To +hear a Scotch fisherman mention a "Kokenee" is an experience which lets +you know how far scorn may really be cherished by an earnest man. The +Northerners believe that all the manliness and hardiness in the country +reside in their persons; but I take leave to dispute that pleasing +article of faith, for I have seen hundreds of Londoners who were quite +as brave and skilful sailors as any born north of the Tees. The Cockney +is a little given to talking, but he is a good man all the same. + +In the smacks many lads from the workhouse schools are apprenticed, and +some of the smartest skippers in England come originally from Mitcham or +Sutton. Jim Billings was a workhouse boy when he first went to sea, and +he sometimes ran up to London after his eight weeks' trips were over. +When I first cast eyes on Jim I said quite involuntarily, "Bob Travers, +by the living man!" The famous coloured boxer is still alive and hearty, +and it would be hard to tell the difference between him and Jim Billings +were it not that the prize-fighter dresses smartly. Jim doesn't; his +huge chest is set off by a coarse white jumper; his corded arms are +usually bared nearly to the elbow, and his vast shock of twining curls +relieves him generally from the trouble of wearing headgear. On Sundays +he sometimes puts on a most comfortless felt hat, but that is merely a +chance tribute to social usage, and the ugly excrescence does not +disfigure Jim's shaggy head for very long. Billings's father was a +mulatto prize-fighter, who perished early from the effects of those +raging excesses in which all men of his class indulged when they came +out of training. The mulatto was as powerful and game a man as ever +stripped in a twenty-four-foot ring; but he ruined his constitution with +alcohol, and he left his children penniless. The little bullet-headed +Jim was drafted off to the workhouse school, and from thence to a small +fishing-smack. + +Does anyone ever think nowadays of the horrors that were to be seen +among the fleets not so very long ago? It is not a wonder that any of +the fishers had a glimmer of human feeling in them when they reached +manhood, for no brute beast--not even a cabhorse in an Italian town--was +ever treated as an apprentice on a smack was treated. Some of the +sea-ruffians carried their cruelty to insane extremes, for the lust of +blood seemed to grow upon them. It is a naked truth that there was no +law for boys who lived on the high seas until very recent years. One +fine, hardy seadog (that is the correct and robust way of talking) used +to strip his apprentice, and make him go out to the bowsprit end when +the vessel was dipping her stem in winter time. He was such a merry +fellow, was this bold seadog, and I could make breezy, "robust" Britons +laugh for hours by my narratives of his drolleries. He would not let +this poor boy eat a morsel of anything until he had mixed the dish with +excrements, and when the lad puked at the food the hardy mariner cut his +head open with a belaying-pin or flung him down the hatchway. Sometimes +the hardy one and the mate lashed the apprentice up in the fore-rigging, +and they had rare sport while he squealed under the sting of the knotted +rope's end. On one night the watch on deck saw a figure dart forward and +spring on the rail; the contumacious boy had stripped himself, and he +was barely saved from throwing his skinny, lacerated carcass into the +sea. Shortly after this the youngest apprentice went below, and found +the ill-used lad standing on a locker, and gibbering fearfully. The tiny +boy said: + +"Oh! Jim, Jim, what's come to you?" but James never uttered a rational +word more. He was sent to his mother's house at Deptford, and he went to +bed with four other children. In the early morning the youngsters +noticed that Jim seemed rather stiff, and he had exceedingly good +reasons, for he was stone-dead, and doubled up. The coroner's jury +thought that death resulted from a stoppage of the intestines. That was +very funny indeed, for Jim's shipmates observed that as he was bruised +and rope's-ended more and more he lost all power of retaining his food, +and everything he swallowed passed from him undigested. Jim succumbed to +the wholesome, manly, hardening, maritime discipline of the good old +times, and no one was hanged for murdering him. + +The mind of the kindly, shoregoing man cannot rightly conceive the +monstrosities of cruelty which were perpetrated. Fancy a boy bending +over a line and baiting hooks for dear life while the blood from a +fearful scalp wound drained his veins till he fainted. The lad came to +in four hours; had he died he would have been quietly reported as washed +overboard. If you can stand a few hours of talk from an old smacksman +you may hear a sombre litany of horror. Those fishers are, physically, +the flower of our race, and many of them have the noblest moral +qualities. Knowing what I do of the old days, I wonder that the men are +any better than desperate savages. + +Jim Billings endured the bitterest hardships that could befall an +apprentice. For six years he was not allowed to have a bed, for that +luxury was generally denied to boys. He secured a piece of old netting, +and he used to sleep on that until it became rotten by reason of the +salt water which drained from his clothes. On mad winter nights, when +the sea came hurling along, and crashed thunderously on the decks, the +smack tugged and lunged at her trawl. All round her the dark water +boiled and roared, and the blast shrieked through the cordage with +hollow tremors. That One who rideth on the wings of the wind lashed the +dark sea into aimless fury, and the men on deck clung where they could +as the smothering waves broke and seethed in wild eddies over the +reeling vessel. At midnight the sleepers below heard the cry, "Haul, O! +haul, haul, haul!" and they staggered to their feet in the reeking den +of a cabin. + +"Does it rain?" + +"No, it snows." + +That was the fragment of dialogue which passed pretty often. Then the +skipper inquired, "Do you want any cinder ashes?" The ashes were spread +on the treacherous deck; the bars were fixed in the capstan, and the +crew tramped on their chill round. Men often fell asleep at their dreary +work, and walked on mechanically; sometimes the struggle lasted for an +hour or two, until strong fellows were ready to lie down, and over the +straining gang the icy wind roared and the piercing drift flew in +vicious streams. When the big beam and the slimy net came to hand the +worst of the work began; it often happened that a man who ran against a +shipmate was obliged to say, "Who's that?" so dense was the darkness; +and yet amid that impenetrable gloom the intricate gear had to be +handled with certainty, and when the living avalanche of fish flowed +from the great bag, it was necessary to kill, clean, and sort them in +the dark. When the toil was over Jim Billings went below with his mates, +and their dripping clothes soon covered the cabin floor with slush. + +"Surely they changed their clothes?" I fancy I hear some innocent asking +that question. Ah! No. The smacksmen have no time for changes of +raiment. Jim huddled himself up like the rest: the crew turned in +soaking, and woke up steaming, just as the men do even nowadays. + +Week in, week out, Jim Billings led that hard life, and he grew up +brawny and sound in spite of all his troubles. His frame was a mass of +bone and wire, and no man could accurately measure his strength. His +mind was left vacant of all good impressions; every purely animal +faculty was abnormally developed, and Jim's one notion of relaxation was +to get beastly drunk whenever he had the chance. Like too many more of +those grand seamen, he came to regard himself as an outcast, for he was +cut off from the world during about forty-six weeks of every year, and +he thought that no creature on earth cared for him. If he broke a finger +or strained a tendon, he must bear his suffering, and labour on until +his eight weeks were up; books, newspapers, rational amusements were +unknown to him; he lived on amid cursing, fighting, fierce toil, and +general bestiality. + +Pray, what were Jim's recreations? When he ran up to London he remained +violently, aggressively drunk while his money lasted, and at such times +he was as dangerous as a Cape buffalo in a rage. With all his weight he +was as active as a leopard, and his hitting was as quick as Ned +Donnelly's. He enjoyed a fight, but no one who faced him shared his +enjoyment long; for he generally settled his man with one rush. He used +both hands with awful severity; and in short, he was one of the most +fearsome wild beasts ever allowed to remain at large. I have known him +to take four men at once, with disastrous results to the four, and, when +he had to be conveyed to the police-station (which was rather +frequently), fresh men were always brought round to handle him. Speaking +personally, I may say that I would rather enter a cage of performing +lions than stand up for two rounds with Mr. Billings. He only once was +near The Chequers, and I fear I entertained an unholy desire to see some +of our peculiar and eloquent pugilists raise his ire. Here was a pretty +mass of blackguard manhood for you! Everyone who knew him felt certain +that Jim would be sent to penal servitude in the end for killing some +antagonist with an unlucky blow; no human power seemed capable of +restraining him, and of superhuman powers he only knew one thing--he +knew that you use certain words for cursing purposes. + +Over the grey desolation of that cruel North Sea no humanising agency +ever travelled to soften Jim Billings and his like; but there were many +agencies at work to convert the men into brutes. + +On calm days there came sinister vessels that sneaked furtively among +the fleet. A little black flag flew from the foretopmast stay of these +ugly visitors, and that was a sign that tobacco and spirits were on sale +aboard. The smacksmen went for tobacco, which is a necessity of life to +them; but the clever Dutchmen soon contrived to introduce other wares. +Vile aniseed brandy--liquid fire--was sold cheap, and many a man who +began the day cool and sober ended it as a raving madman. Mr. Coper, the +Dutch trader, did not care a rush for ready money; ropes, nets, sails +were quite as much in his line, and a continual temptation was held out +to men who wanted to rob their owners. Jim Billings used to get drunk as +often as possible, and he himself told me of one ghastly expedient to +which he was reduced when he and his shipmates were parched and craving +for more poison. A dead man came past their vessel; they lowered the +boat, and proceeded to haul the clothes off the corpse. The putrid flesh +came away with the garments, but the drunkards never heeded. They +scrubbed the clothes, dried them in the rigging, and coped them away for +brandy. + +Mr. Coper had other attractions for young and lusty fishermen. There are +certain hounds in France, Holland, and even in our own virtuous +country, who pick up a living by selling beastly pictures. In the North +Sea fleets there are 12,000 powerful fellows who are practically +condemned to celibacy, and the human apes who sold the bawdy pictures +drove a rare trade among the swarming vessels. + +Jim Billings was a capital customer to the Copers, for his animalism ran +riot, and he was more like a tremendous automaton than like a man. + +So this mighty creature lived his life, drinking, fighting, toiling, +blaspheming, and dwelling in rank darkness. He often spoke of "Gord," +and his burly childishness tickled me infinitely. I liked Jim; he was +such a Man when one compared him with our sharps and noodles; but I +never expected to see him fairly distance me in the race towards +respectability. I am still a Loafer; Jim is a most estimable member of +the gentlest society; and this is how it all came about. + +On one grey Sunday morning a pretty smack came creeping through the +fleet. Far and near the dark trawlers heaved to the soft swell, and they +looked picturesque enough; but the strange vessel was handsomer than +any of the fishing-boats, and Jim's curiosity was roused. The new smack +was flying a flag at her masthead, but Jim could not read well enough to +make out the inscription on the flag. He said, "Who's he?" and his mate +answered, "A blank mission ship. Lot o' blokes come round preachin' and +prayin'." + +"What? To our blank chaps? How is it I've never seen his blank flag +afore?" + +"Ain't been werry long started. I heerd about 'em at Gorleston. Fat Dan +got converted board o' one on 'em." + +Just then the smart smack shoved her foresail a-weather and hove-to; +then a small boat put out, and a stout grizzled man hailed Jim. + +"What cheer, old lad, what cheer? Come and give us a look. Service in an +hour's time. Come and have a pot o' tea and a pipe." + +I am grieved to say that Mr. Billings remarked, "Let's go aboard the +blank, and capsize the whole blank trunk." + +Certainly he jumped up the side of the mission ship with very evil +intentions. Boat after boat came up and made fast astern of the dandy +vessel, and soon the decks were crowded with merry groups. Jim couldn't +make it out for the life of him. These fellows had their pipes and +cigars going; they were full of fun, and yet Jim could not hear an oath +or a lewd word. Gradually he began to feel a little sheepish, but +nevertheless he did not relinquish his desire to break up the service. +The skipper of the smack invited Jim to go below, and handed him a +steaming mug of tea. + +"Where's your 'bacca?" said the skipper. + +"Left him aboard." + +"Never mind. Take half a pound and pay for it to-morrow. We sell the +best at a shilling a pound." + +Jim gaped. Here was a decidedly practical religious agency. A shilling a +pound! Cheaper than the Copers' rubbish. Jim took a few pulls at the +strong, black tobacco, and began to reconsider his notion about smashing +up the service. He found the religious skipper was as good a fisherman +as anyone in the fleet; the talk was free from that horrible cant which +scares wild and manly men so easily, and the copper-coloured rowdy +almost enjoyed himself. + +Presently the lively company filed into the hold, squatted on fish +boxes, and proceeded to make themselves comfortable. Two speakers from +London were to address the meeting, and Jim gazed very critically on +both. + +A hymn was sung, and the crash of the hoarse voices sounded weirdly over +the moan of the wind. Jim felt something catch at his throat, and yet he +was unable to tell what strange new feeling thrilled him. His comrades +sang as if their lives depended on their efforts. Jim sat on, half +pleased, half sulky, wholly puzzled. Then one of the speakers rose. At +first sight the preacher looked like anything but an apostle; his plump, +rounded body gave no hint of asceticism, and his merry, pure eye +twinkled from the midst of a most rubicund expanse of countenance. He +looked like one who had found the world a pleasant place, and Jim +gruffly described him as a "jolly old bloke." But the voice of this +comfortable, suave-looking missionary by no means matched his +appearance. He spoke with a grave and silvery pitch that made his words +seem to soar lightly over his audience. His accent was that of the +genuine society man, but a delicate touch--a mere suspicion--of Scotch +gave the cultured tones a certain odd piquancy. A solemn note of deep +passion trembled, as it were, amid the floating music, and every word +went home. This jolly, rosy missionary is one of the best of living +popular speakers, and his passionate simplicity fairly conquers the very +rudest of audiences. The man believes every word he says, and his power +of rousing strong emotion has seldom been equalled. + +Jim Billings sat and glowered; he understood every simply lucid sentence +that the orator uttered, and he was charmed in spite of himself. + +"This is the blankest, rummiest blank go ever I was in," muttered the +would-be iconoclast. + +His visions of a merry riot were all fled, and he was listening with the +eagerness of a decorous Sunday-school child. + +Speaker Number Two arose, and Jim's bleared eyes were riveted on him. +The rough saw before him a pallid, worn man, whose beautiful face seemed +drawn by suffering. Long, exquisite artist hands, silky beard, kindly, +humorous mouth, marked by stern lines; these were the things that Jim +dimly saw. But the dusky blackguard was really daunted and mastered by +the preacher's eye. The wonderful eye was like Napoleon's and Mary +Stuart's in colour; but the Emperor's lordly look hinted of earthly +ambition: the missionary's wide, flashing gaze seemed to be turned on +some solemn vision. Twice in my life have I seen such an eye--once in +the flesh when I met General Gordon, once in a portrait of Columbus. +Poor Jim was fascinated; he was in presence of the hero-martyr who has +revolutionised the life of a great population by the sheer force of his +own unconquerable will. Jim did not know that the slim man with the +royal eye must endure acute agony as he travels from one squalid vessel +to another; he did not know that the sublime modern Reformer has +overcome colossal difficulties while enduring tortures which would make +even brave men pray for death. Jim was in the dark. He only knew that +the saintly man talked like a "toff," and said strange things. After a +little the "toff" dropped the accent of the Belgravian and began to +speak in low, impassioned tones; he told one little story, and Jim found +that he must cry or swear. With sorrow I must say that he did the +latter, in order to bully the lump out of his bull throat. Then the +"toff" broke into a cry of infinite tenderness and pity; he implored the +men to come, and some sturdy fellows sobbed; but Jim did not understand +where they were wanted to go, and he growled another oath. + +After this some of the fishermen spoke, and Jim heard how drunkards, +fighting men, and spendthrifts had become peaceable and prosperous +citizens. + +Puzzles were heaped on the poor man's brain. He could have broken that +pale man in halves with one hand; yet the pale man mastered him. He knew +some of the burly seamen as old ruffians; yet here they were--talking +gently, and boasting about their happiness and prosperity. When the last +crashing chorus had been sung, the two swells went round and chatted +freely with all comers. + +"No ---- 'toffs' never treated me like that afore." + +All that day, until the trawl went down, Jim sat growling and brooding. +He was inarticulate, and the crowding thoughts that surged in his dim +soul were chaotic. + +Next day he inquired, "Do you know anything 'bout this yere Jesus as +they yarns about?" + +"Devil a bit! Get the bloke on the Mission ship to tell you." + +"See him and you damned fust!" + +Thus spoke the impolite James. But on the ninth day the Mission smack +ran into the Blue fleet again, and Jim took a desperate resolution. His +boat was astern, so he jumped over the counter and sculled himself +straight to the Mission smack. + +"Got them gents aboard?" + +The skipper was wild with delight at seeing the most notorious ruffian +on the coast come voluntarily, and Mr. Billings was soon below in the +after cabin. Poor Jim stuttered and haggled while trying to explain what +was the matter with him. + +"I tell you, guvnor, I've got a something that must come out, or I shall +choke straight off. I want to speak, and I can't get no words." + +I shall say nothing of the long talk that went on. I know something +about it, but the subject is too sacred for a Loafer to touch. I shall +only say that Jim Billings got release, as the fishers say, and his +wild, infantine outburst made powerful men cry like children. + +He is now a very quiet soul, and he neither visits The Chequers nor any +other hostelry. There was great fun among the Gorleston men when Jim +turned serious, and one merry smacksman actually struck at the quadroon. +Jim bit his lip, and said, + +"Bill, old lad, I'd have killed you for that a year ago. Shake hands; +God bless you!" + +Which was rather a plucky thing to do. + +Some blathering parsons say that this blessed Mission is teaching men to +talk cant and Puritanism. Speaking as a very cynical Loafer, I can only +say that if Puritanism turns fishing fleets and fishing towns from being +hells on earth into being decent places; if Puritanism heals the sick, +comforts the sufferers, carries joy and refinement and culture into +places that were once homes of horror, and renders the police force +almost a superfluity in two great towns--then I think we can put up with +Puritanism. + +I know that Jim Billings was a dangerous untamed animal; he is now a +jolly, but quiet fellow. I was always rather afraid of him; but now I +should not mind sailing in his vessel. The Puritan Mission has civilised +him and hundreds on hundreds more, and I wish the parsons had done just +half as much. + +For my own part, I think that when I am clear of The Chequers I shall go +clean away into the North Sea. If on some mad night the last sea heaves +us down, and the Loafer is found on some wind-swept beach, that will be +as good an end as a burnt-out, careless being can ask. Perhaps Jim +Billings, the rough, and I, the broken gentleman, may go triumphantly +together. Who knows? I should like to take the last flight with the +fighting nigger. + + + + +OUR PARLOUR COMPANY. + + +We have one room where high prices are charged. This place is kept very +select indeed, and the vulgar are excluded. I was not received very well +at first, and some of the assembly talked at me in a way which was +intended to be highly droll; but I never lost temper, and I fairly +established my position by dint of good humour. Moreover, I found out +who was the most unpopular man in the room, and earned much goodwill by +slyly administering the kind of strokes which a fairly educated man can +always play off on a dullard. I hate the parlour, and if I were to let +out according to my fancy I should use violent language. In that dull, +stupid place one learns to appraise the talk about sociality and +joviality at its correct value. I am afraid I must utter a heresy. I +have heard that George Eliot's chapter about the Raveloe Inn is +considered as equal to Shakespeare's work. Now I can only see in it the +imaginative writing of a clever woman who tried to dramatise a scene +without having any data to guide her. In all my life I never heard a +conversation resembling that of the farrier and the rest in the remotest +degree. In the first place, one element of public-house talk--the overt +or sly indecency--is left out. In an actual public-house parlour the man +who can bring in a totally new tale of a dirty nature is the hero of the +evening. Then the element of scandal is missing. When men of vulgar mind +meet together, you only need to wait a few minutes before you hear +someone's character pulled to pieces, and the scandal is usually of the +clumsiest sort. Again, it is easy to represent the landlord as a pliable +person who agrees with everybody; but the landlord of real life is a +person who is treated with deference, and who asserts his position in +the most pronounced fashion. If he has a good customer he is courteous +and obliging, but he keeps a strict hand on his company, and lets them +know who is master. Nearly all the landlords I have known since I became +a Loafer have been good fellows. They find it in their interest to be +generous, obliging, and friendly; but to represent them as timorous +sycophants is absurd. They are ordinary tradesmen; they have a good +opinion of themselves, and they hold their own with all classes of men. +The women are sometimes insolent, overdressed creatures, who heartily +despise their customers; but very often a landlord marries a lady who is +as far as possible from being like the hostess of fiction. + +The temperance orators destroy their main chance of gaining a success by +their senseless attempts to be funny at the expense of the licensed +victuallers. Any spouter who chooses to rant about the landlady's gold +chain and silk dress can make sure of a laugh, and anyone who talks +about "prosperous Mr. Bung" is approved. For the sake of a good cause I +beg the abstainers to tell the plain, brutal truth as I do, and refrain +from scandalising a decent class of citizens. Why on earth should the +landlord be named as a pariah among the virtuous classes? He is a +capitalist who is tempted to invest money in a trade which is the +mainstay of our revenue; he is hedged in with restrictions, and the +faintest slip ruins him for ever. The very nature of his business +compels him to be smart, obliging, ostentatiously friendly; yet with all +this the Government treat him as if he were by nature a thief, while +thousands of earnest but ignorant and foolish people reckon him an enemy +of society. + +Pray who is forced or solicited to buy the landlord's wares? Your +butcher cries "Buy, buy, buy!" your draper sends out bills and +sandwich-men; but the publican would be scouted if he went out touting +for custom. If a man asks for drink he knows quite well what he is +doing, and if he takes too much it is because of some morbid taint or +unlucky weakness. + +Take away the taint, and strengthen the weakness; but do not pour +blackguard and unfair abuse on business men who are in no way answerable +for human frailty. + +When I hear (as I often do) some flabby boozer whining and ascribing his +trouble to the drinkshop, I despise him. Who took him to the drinkshop? +Was it not to please himself that he went? Did he care for any other +being's gratification but his own when he slipped the alcohol down his +throat? Yet he appeals for pity. I reckon that I know England and +Scotland as well as most commercial travellers, and I have been +compelled to depend for my comfort and well-being on the men whom some +of the Alliance folk call pariahs. In all my experience I have come +across less than a dozen men whom I should imagine to rank among the +shady division. I should be a liar if I said that many public-houses are +highly moral and useful institutions; but the abuses are due to the rank +faults of human nature, and not to the class of traders who are +alternately described as venal sycophants or robbers. Let us be fair. +The Devil has enough to bear, and for any harm which we bring to +ourselves we should not lay the blame on him or fate. + +The whole Raveloe scene is full of typical errors. It is too pretty, too +decent, too neat, too humourous. There is very little fun to be got out +of public-house humours, because the vanity of the various talkers is +offensive, and their stupidity has not the charm of simplicity. If such +a man as, say, Mr. Matthew Arnold wanted to test the accuracy of the +"Silas Marner" chapter for critical purposes, he would scarcely recover +the ordeal of a night spent in a haunt of the hardened toper. If the +company happened to be unembarrassed, their ribaldry would sicken the +philosopher; their coarse manners would revolt him; their political +talk--well, that would probably stupefy him and cause him to flee. + +Here are my notes of one specimen conversation, given without any +dramatic nonsense or idealisation. My memory can be trusted absolutely, +and I have often reported a long interview in such a way that the person +interviewed saw nothing to alter. + +Bowman guffawed, and his purple face swelled with merriment, for he had +been hearing a whispered story told by Bill Preston, an elderly retired +tradesman. Bill is a most respectable man whose daughters hold quite a +leading position in the society of our district. He is great on church +business, and he is the vicar's right-hand man. It is a noble sight to +see him on Sundays when he stalks down the aisle, nattily dressed in +black, and wearing a devotional air; but in our parlour his sole aim is +to tell the queerest stories in the greatest possible number, and his +collection--amassed by years of loving industry--is large and various. +He cannot hear the simplest speech without trying to extract some bawdy +significance from it, and when he has scored a thoroughly indecent +success, his clean, rosy, jolly face is lit up by a fascinating smile. +Ah! if ladies only heard these sober fathers of families when +conversational high jinks are in progress, they would be decidedly +enlightened. + +When Bowman ended his guffaw he said, with admiration, "You naughty old +man! How dare you go for to corrupt my morals?" And Bill received the +tribute with modest gratification. Then a loud voice silenced us all, +and Joe Pidgeon, our great logician, began to hold forth. + +"Wot did old Disraely do? Why, they was all frightened of him. He was a +masterpiece, I tell you. What was that there heppigram as he +made?--'Inebriated with the hexuberance of his own verbosity.' There's +langwidge for you! And he kep' it up, too, he did. He was the brightest +diadem in England's crown, he was. But this Gladstone!--wot's he? Show +me any trade as he's benefited! Ain't he taken the British Flag to the +bloomin' pawnshop? Gord love me, he oughter be 'ung, he did! I tell you +he ought to be 'ung. If you was to say to me to-morrow 'Will you 'ang +old Gladstone?' I'd 'andle the rope. He's a blank robber and a +scoundrel, he is. + +"What's this new man, Lord Churchill, goin' to do? He's a red-hot 'un. +He does slip into 'em, and no mistake. He's a coming man, I reckon. I +never see such a flow of language as that bit where he called old Gommy +a superannuated Pharisee. That was up against him, wasn't it?" + +An old man spoke. He is feeble, but he is regarded as an authority on +literature, politics, and other matters. "There's never been a good day +for anybody since the old-fashioned elections was done away with. All +the houses was open, fun going on for days, and the candidates was free +as free could be. Your vote was worth something then. I remember when +Horsley put up against Palmer. A rare man was Palmer! Why, that Palmer +drove down with a coach-and-four and postilions, and he kept us all +alive for a week. He'd kiss the children in the streets, and he'd set +all the taps free in any inn that he went into. It's all purity and +that sort of thing now. + +"I don't see no good in talking politics. One of the jiggers says one +thing, and one of them says another thing. I think the first one's +right, then I think the other one's right, and then I think nothing at +all. I say, give us something good for trade, and let us have a fair +chance of making money. That's my motto. + +"And, I say, let's have a law to turn those d----d Germans out of the +country. They come over here--the hungry, poverty-stricken brutes--and +they take the bread out of Englishmen's mouths, and they talk about +education. Education! who cares for education? I never could read a book +in my life without falling asleep, and I can give some of the educated +ones a start in my small way. Why, I've got a tenant--a literary +man--and he has about six pound of meat sent home in a week. There's +education for you. I say, out with the Germans!" + +Rullock, the cultured man, was hurt when he heard education mentioned +lightly. He said, "Excuse _me_, friend Bowler, but I think we must +reckonise the claims of edgication. We all know you; we all respect +you, and we know you'll cut up well at the finish; but I must disagree +with you on that one subject. I'm a edgicated man--I may say that much. +My father paid sixty pound a year at boarding-school for me. +Sixty--pounds--a--year; so if I'm not edgicated, I should like to know +who is. It's a great advantage to you. Look at the position you take +when you go into a public room, and talk about any subject that comes +up. Suppose you're ignorant; well, there you sit; and what are you? +You're nobody. No, I approve of edgication--it improves the mind. It +does undoubtedly improve the mind. Look now at this Randolph Churchill +that's come to the front. What is it but edgication that brought him +forward? I should venture to say he's a learned man, and knows lots of +languages and sciences, else how'd he shut up such a wonderful orator as +Gladstone? We all know as old Beaky was edgicated. Look at his books. +How'd he write a book without it? I began "Cohningsby," and, I tell you, +it's grand--sublime. No, friend B., I think you must give in I'm +right." + +"And I think you're a lot of ---- fools." + +This interruption came from the devout Billy--Billy Preston. That pious +man liked to have the talk mainly to himself, and he thought that +anything not obscene was tame. By the way, these abrupt and insolent +remarks are characteristic of public-house wit. A favourite joke is to +ask a friend a serious question. When he fails to answer, then the joker +shouts some totally irrelevant and indecent word, and the questioned man +is regarded as "sold." I cannot repeat the interlude with which Billy +Preston favoured us, but it was very spicy indeed, and referred to some +of those sacred secrets which are known to all. For a pillar of the +Church, Billy displayed rather amazing tastes and abilities. Then the +talk fell into decency after the regulation merriment had greeted Mr. +Preston's closing effort. + +"How long will you give Jobson to hold out?" + +"I don't know. He's into everybody's books all round. I should like to +pick up that pony if he does smash." + +"I heard Charley Dunn say that Mrs. Jobson was round at old Burdett's +asking for time. Jimmy Burdett's got a lot of Jobson's paper, and I +shouldn't wonder if he stole a march on the other creditors." + +"Well, Jobson's a good sort, but he couldn't last. He's too free with +his money. I never wanted his champagne and his suppers, but you had to +drop in like the others, and there you are." + +A strident voice drowned the scandal, and an admiring group ceased +smoking and listened spellbound to a characteristic anecdote. I cannot +put in all the expletives, but I may say that the speaker modelled his +style on that of the more eloquent betting men whom he knew. + +"I says to him, you'll trot me, will you? Why, go on with you, run and +see your grandmother, and get her to wipe your nose for you. Strike me, +I could sweep the blank chimney with you! You want to get on to me, and +you know my cob can't go more than eleven at the outside. I was kiddin' +him on, do you see? Then I winks at old Sammy, and he says, very solemn, +'It's absurd for you, sir, to talk of trotting this gentleman. The cob's +out of condition, and rough as a badger.' You see I let the cob keep his +winter coat, and he was an object and no error. So this bloke was a fly +flat, don't you know, and I could see he bit. He says, 'I'd like to have +a match with you.' So I tips the office to Sammy, and blanked if he +didn't go and knock in a slice of bloomin' flint a little way between +the shoe and the near fore foot. I says very timid, 'Well, sir, I don't +mind having a try just for a bit of sport, if you'll lay L30 to L20.' He +says, 'Done with you,' and we staked. When I sees my pony walking +gingerly, I made as if I was took aback. He saw the same thing, and +says, 'Pony's wrong.' 'Yes,' says I, 'worse luck.' He says, 'I lay you +L50 to L30 I beat you.' I says, 'You have me at a disadvantage, sir, but +I'm on,' and I pulls out my three tenners. Then Sammy got the flint out, +and we went into the road. I let him go away, and after we'd done five +mile he waves and cries good-bye. I never hustled my cob, for I found I +could go by when I liked. Two mile from Dorking I gives the cob his +head. Lord love you, he can do seventeen inside the hour, and he left +that juggins as if he was standing still. When he drove up at Dorking, +he says, 'You're a red-hot member!' and, by God, I think I am!" + +This interesting yarn was received with rapture, and a remarkably strong +anecdote of a lady and her footman fell flat, much to Mr. Preston's +disgust. Then came the hour for personalities. As the drink takes effect +our parlour customers attempt satire, and their efforts are always of a +strongly personal nature. + +"If I'd a boiled beetroot face like you, I'd never show my 'ed in a +public room again." + +"What's your wrong end like, you bloomin' Dutchman?" + +"You shouldn't kiss and tell." (Rapturous applause.) + +"Get away. You're too mean and miserable to do anything but count your +dibs. He's so mean, gentlemen, that when he dropped a sixpence into the +plate at church instead of a fourpenny-piece, he stopped his wife's +cat's-meat allowance for a week to make up." + +"If I had a voice like you I'd have it stuffed." + +"If I had a nose like you I'd pay no more gas bills. You know your wife +emptied the water-jug on you that night when you were lying boozed, +because she thought it was a red-hot cinder on the floor." + +And so on. The company part without any goodwill, and a night of odious +stupidity is over. Personally, I regard every hour I have spent in this +public-house as wasted. I never in my life heard a word of real fun, or +real sense, excepting from men who were merely casual visitors. The +person whose mind is satisfied by the parlour dullness of that nightly +foolery only becomes animated when he is indecent. In tracing the +natural history of a public-house I have found the respectable dullards +the most revolting of my subjects. + +But the mere fact that our one wretched hole is stupid and sometimes +revolting by no means proves that all other places are of the same sort. +I know one quiet, cleanly room where many smart young fellows go; their +trade compels them to be decorous, and you see nothing but courtesy, and +hear much good-natured and sensible chat. + +The riverside 'Arry is always an awful being, but the gentle, respectful +lad who takes his lemonade and enjoys himself in German fashion is nice +company. I have seen all sorts, and, while I would gladly burst a +13-inch shell in such a cankered doghole as The Chequers, I am bound to +say that there are a few cosy, harmless places whereof the loss would be +a calamity. + + * * * * * + +I grow weary now, and often at nights, when the vast shadow of the lamp +shudders on the ceiling and the wind moans hoarsely outside, I fall back +in sheer luxury on the fine, straight, cut-and-thrust of old Boswell's +conversations as a relief from the slavering babble which I often hear. +Being a Loafer is all very good so far; but some of the men (and women) +who address me use a kind of familiarity that makes me long to lie down +and die. A man never loses the dandy instinct, and when you come to be +actually addressed in familiar, or even impudent, terms by a sort of +promoted housemaid, it makes you long for the soft-voiced, quiet ladies +to whom a false accent or a shrill word would be a horror. + +So long as you are a Loafer you must be prepared to put up with much. +The better-class artisan is always a gentleman who never offers nor +endures a liberty; but some of the flash sort are unendurable, and their +womenkind are worse. With costers and bargemen one can always get on +familiarly: it is the pretentious, vulgar men and females who are +horrible. + +Often and often I am tempted to creep back among the lights again, and +feel the old delicate joy from cultured talk, lovely music, steady +refinement, and beauty. Then comes the reckless fit, and I am off to The +Chequers. Here is a rhyme which takes my fancy. I suppose it is my own, +but have quite forgotten:-- + + This is the skull of a man, + Soon shall your head be as empty: + Laugh and be glad while you can. + + * * * * * + + Where, from the silver that rims it, + Glows the red spirit of wine, + Once there was longing and passion, + Finding a woman divine; + Blurred is the finished design, + This was the scope of the plan: + Death, the dry Jester's old bauble-- + Drink and be glad while you can. + Sorry and cynical symbol, + Ghastly old caricature, + We, too, must walk in thy footsteps, + We but a little endure. + Bah! since the end is so sure, + Let us out-frolic our span, + Death is a hush and a darkness-- + Drink and be glad while you can. + + + + +A QUEER CHRISTMAS. + + +The Loafer seems to have fancied the company of seamen a great deal. At +The Chequers few of the saltwater fellows fore-gathered, but when they +did our Loafer was never long in picking them up. Here is one of the +yarns which he heard. It is stuck in the Diary without reference to +date, place of hearing, or anything else. + +Joe Glenn used to say that the queerest Christmas Day he ever spent fell +in 1883, the year of the great gale. In that year there was cruel +trouble, and the number of folks wearing mourning that one met in Hull +and Yarmouth, and the other places, was enough to make the most +light-hearted man feel miserable. Black everywhere--nothing but black at +every turn; and then the women's faces looked so wistful, and the +children seemed so quiet, that I couldn't bear to walk the streets. The +women would question any stranger that came from the quays, and they +scorned to think that there was not always a chance for their men; but +the dead seamen were swinging about in the ooze far down under the grey +waves, and the poor souls who went gaping and gazing day after day had +all their trouble for nothing. + +Glenn towed out on the 20th of October, and he cried, "Good-bye, Sal; +back for Christmas!" as they surged away toward Gorleston. Joe was mate +of the Esperanza, and he was a very promising chap. He knew his way +about the North Sea blindfold, and all he didn't know about his trade +wasn't worth knowing. If you had asked him who Mr. Gladstone was he +would probably have said, "I've heerd on him," but he could not have +told you anything about Mr. Gladstone or any other statesman. So far as +the world ashore went, Joe was as ignorant as a five-year-old child, and +you would have laughed till you cried had you seen his delight when the +pictures in a nursery-book were explained to him. It is hardly possible +to imagine the existence of a grown man who is ignorant of things that +are known to a child in the infant school; but there are many such +knocking about at sea. What can you expect? They live amid the moaning +desolation of that sad sea all the year round; they never used to have +any schooling, and their world even now is limited by the blank horizon, +with the rail of their boat for inner barrier. Glenn could very nearly +read Moore's Almanac, and, as that great work was the only literature on +board, he often interpreted it, and he was counted a great scholar. +Then, he could actually use a sextant, and his way of working out his +latitude was chaste and picturesque. Supposing he made the sun 29 deg. +18 min., and the declination for the day was 6 deg. 34 min. 22 sec., then +he put down his figures this way:-- + + 8948 + 2918 + 6300 + 634 + 5356 + +and when his chums saw him working out this profound calculation on the +side of a bucket or on the companion hatch, they would say, "He's a +wonnerful masterpiece. Yea, but he is, and nothin' but that." + +Glenn was daring--but that is nothing to say, for all the fishermen seem +insensible to fear. He was only once scared, and that was when he found +a man leaning against the boat one pitch-dark night, just after the +fishers had hauled. Joe thought the fellow was loafing, so he hit him a +clout on the head, and made very uncomplimentary remarks. The victim of +the assault took it very coolly, and one of the crew shouted-- + +"Don't touch that theer! He come up in the net while you was below." + +Then Joe looked at the face, and when he found he had been punching a +dead man he was sick. + +But under any ordinary circumstances you couldn't shake the man's nerve, +and he was fit to go anywhere, and do anything so far as the sea was +concerned. + +The Esperanza got up to her consorts, and then the usual toilsome +monotony of the fisherman's life began. At the end of a month Joe looked +a pretty object, for he had not washed himself all the time, and his +hair and beard were like rough felt matting. There isn't much time for +washing in the winter, and the fellows often go for a couple of months +without feeling any water, except from the seas that are shipped. After +the month was over the men began to pick up heart, and they notched off +the days on the beams with much enjoyment. + +Joe was like most of the fishermen: he liked to talk to the gulls. You +see, when you are knocking around for a couple of months, you soon tire +of your own shipmates, and there is no one else to talk with. The sea +mostly makes it awkward to put out a boat except for purely business +purposes, and you gradually get into the way of taking delight in small +things. Joe would go aft, and call, "Kittee, Kittee--come, Kittee!" Then +with superb curves the lovely gulls swept round, and remained delicately +poised over the stern. Joe flung pieces of fish into the air, and kept +chatting volubly as his pets swooped and squabbled. "Go and tell them +we're coming, Kittee, my prittee. Only twenty days more and round she +goes. Tell them we're all well, you sluts, and you'll have plenty of +fish when we run out again." The gulls are the fisherman's friends, and +the men insist on crediting the beautiful, rapacious birds with an +accurate knowledge of human affairs. + +So the days flew by, and the time came when sugar--the seaman's luxury +in winter--began to run short. That was enough to make the fellows sick +for home, and they were ready to dance for joy when the gay flag was +hoisted at last. Gaily the Esperanza rattled through the fleet, and +envious men cried "What cheer!" in a doleful manner. After a twelve +hours' run the wind fell away, and the sky began to look funny. Hoarse +vague noises came over the sea, and it seemed as if certain sounds were +growing weary and swooning away. Little breaths of air came softly--oh, +so softly, and so deadly cold!--but the tiny puffs were hardly enough to +send a feather far. The birds wailed a good deal, and when the ducks +began to cry "Karm, kah-ah-arm," the men shouted, "Billee, run, Billee; +or I'll bring the policeman!" for all the chaps hate to hear the ducks +yawping. + +Clouds of haze moved around, and when the moon came up she seemed to be +glowering from her shroud. Joe was anxious to take in something, but the +skipper said, "Don't think there'll be much of it. We can reef her when +it comes away. I want to be home." All the night it seemed as though +something evil were in the air, and even the men below were depressed. +Sometimes it happens that if you work long in a lonely house, you find +yourself at night living in dread of some vague ill, and every crack of +the woodwork is like an ominous message. It is just that way at sea +before a bad gale. + +When Joe saw the moon beginning to paint the clouds with leprous hues, +and the great ring grew wider and wider, he looked at the mainsail, and +wished the trouble over. At midnight there came a sigh; then a rattle of +blocks, and then a big, silent wave came pouring along. Something was +astir somewhere, and before long the Esperanza's crew knew what was the +matter. The last glare of wild-fire flushed the sky, and then down came +the breeze. The Esperanza was as stiff as a house, but it made her lie +over a little, and she roared along in fine style. In two hours the +vessel was putting her lee rail nearly under, and a single sharp squall +would have hove her down, so the hands were called up to reef her. Joe +was out on the boom, getting the reef-earrings adrift, when the first of +the chapter of accidents came. A man sang out, "Look out for a drop o' +water!" and a black mountain smashed over the Esperanza in an instant +after. Joe saw the third hand slip, and the next second the man was +whisked overboard. The Esperanza was still smothered, and a stab of pity +went through Joe's heart as he saw his shipmate wallowing. But he had no +time for sentiment; he grabbed the reef-earring with his left hand, and +clutched at the man with his right. When the vessel shook herself, both +good fellows came inboard, and hung on panting. "No time to lose," said +Joe; and indeed there wasn't. The spoondrift began to fly so that you +could not see the moon, and the wind was enough to choke you if you +faced it. I have heard Joe say that small shot couldn't have hit you +very much harder than the drift when you looked to windward. Then the +sea was growing worse every minute, until at last every man on board +except the skipper wanted to let her ride. But the worthy captain said, +"If she's got to be smothered, she'll be smothered moving. The nearer to +home the nearer to help, and she shall go." So the Esperanza tore on +throughout the awful night with all four of her reefs in, and it was a +mercy, that she was never badly hit. At dawn the rushing hills of water +were travelling like lightning. It was just as though some mighty power +had set an Alpine district moving, and when a vessel soared over the +crown of a grey mountain she looked like a mere seabird. In the valleys +of this mad, winding mountain range the whistling hurricane raved and +whirled, and the drift that was plucked looked like smoke from some +hellish cauldron. And still the grizzled old skipper would go on, though +it was touch-and-go every time a sequence of strong seas came howling +down. The foresail went, and that was bad; but those fine seamen do not +ever come to the end of their resources so long as life lasts, and they +got ready to set another as soon as the wind showed the least sign of +fining off. The Esperanza tore onward, lunging violently, and shaking as +though she dreaded the grip of some savage pursuer. No wonder the seamen +speak of a vessel as if she had intelligence; there is something so +strangely vivid in the expression of a ship that it cannot be expressed +in words, and I shall not try. + +At length Joe sang out, "I reckon that's the Galloper, skipper." + +"Right you are, chap! And what's that by the edge of the broken water? +Wessel, I fancy." + +"'Tis a barque, skipper, and he's got 'em flyin'." + +The two men watched the vessel a long time, and they determined to run +down on her as near as might be safe. As they drew on her it appeared +that she was not actually hard-and-fast, but she was bumping apparently, +and they guessed she had her anchors out. There is nothing in the way of +close shaves that a smacksman will not venture, and the Esperanza was +soon within speaking distance. + +"We have a pilot aboard!" sang out someone on deck. + +"A lightning sort of pilot to ram her nose on the Galloper!" growled the +old skipper. "Do you want any assistance?" + +"Stand by for a bit and we'll see." + +So the Esperanza went to leeward of the shoal and hove-to. Presently the +stranger signalled, "Come on board of us." + +Then Joe said, "That fellow's in a frap before his time, skipper. I +believe she'll come off when the tide turns. If she does, and we have +her in charge, that's a nice lump of money for all of us." + +"But how are we going to get to him?" + +"I'll go," said Joe. "Give me old Bill, and we'll take the boat down on +him. You get the trawl warp ready, and we'll either tow him or steer +him." + +"Right, chap; over with your boat, lads!" + +Then Bill lay down in the boat, Joe put an oar in the sculling-notch, +and the little thing flew before wind and sea, while the smack drew off +a little. Presently the bulge of the boat's bow glanced along the ship's +side, and Joe flung his painter. Then a man clambered on to the rail, +and Joe roared, "Where are you coming to?" + +"I'm the pilot, and I'm coming aboard of you." + +"That you're not, you blasted coward! Stay where you are, and we'll see +if we can't save the wessel." + +But the pilot had lost his head. He got ready for a jump; the boat +lifted, and he sprang; the backwash pushed her out, and the man's left +foot only just touched the gunwale. He screamed like a woman, gripped +vainly at the air, and rolled under. A sea drove his head against the +ship's side; the boat swung with tremendous force. Scraunch! and the +poor fellow was gone, with his head crushed like a walnut. Joe tried to +grab him with the boathook, but it was useless, and the unhappy +poltroon's body was whirled away. + +"Here's a nice go for a start! Up with you, Billy!" + +Then the two fishermen gained the deck, and found not a soul to meet +them. "Where the devil are they all?" Joe ran forward, and went below. +In the dim light he could see little, but he heard a sound as of men +moaning, and as his sight became accustomed to the dusk he saw several +swarthy fellows kneeling. They were kissing their crucifixes and making +a woeful noise. Joe yelled, "Where's your skipper?" but no one heeded +him, and the moaning prayers went on. With a curse Joe rushed aft. On +his way he saw the sounding rod, and he shouted, "See how much she's got +in her, Bill. There's a set of mounseers forrad there, no more good than +kittens." + +Then the mate entered the after-cabin, and found a man on the floor. +"What cheer, O, what cheer! Tumble up, my daisy!" + +The man glared glassily, and muttered, "I speak him Ingleese very +good." + +"Never mind your Ingleese; come on, and make your fellows help to pump." +The captain rose, reeled, and fell. He was mortal drunk. + +"You been do you dam please," he hiccupped; and Joe retired with a +shrug. + +It was clear that the English pilot had run a Spanish ship aground, as +nearly as possible, and only the two anchors kept her from going hard +on. The two Englishmen found that the vessel had five feet of water in +her, and, in their plain, matter-of-fact way, they set to work. Ugly +washes were coming over, but they lashed themselves to the pump and set +to work like the indomitable seadogs that they were. They could not make +her suck, but before they were utterly exhausted they reduced the water +much, and then they cast themselves clear and began to prepare for the +tide. They put the fore topsail on her, and then signalled for their own +vessel. With a last effort they got one anchor, but, when Joe proposed +trying the other, poor Billy groaned, "That's a pill enough for me, Joe; +I shall die if we stand to it any more. Slip the other cable, boy." Joe +agreed; the anchor was lost, and the men prepared for the first creak +that would show that the tide was coming. The sea seemed to be fining +off a bit, so they looked round, and found to their horror that the +rudder was gone. She wallowed. "There she goes, Bill. But Lord, what a +job! Tell you, the smack must go under bare poles; we'll make her fast +aft, and she'll steer us." + +This was a genuine seamanlike idea, for, of course, the drag of the +smack would steady the barque, and the two vessels could crawl along +with some approach to surety. Another roll and groaning of timbers, then +came a lull and a flaw of wind; the topsail pulled, and, with a long +grind, the barque rolled off into deep water. + +"Hooray! Let her drift as she likes till the skipper gets to us." + +Bill jumped into the boat and guided her down wind to the Esperanza. The +smack came close round, another hand joined Bill, and in half an hour a +couple of warps were made fast to the Spaniard, and the two vessels went +on in procession. They could not do so much as a knot per hour, but, at +all events, they were drawing into open water, and the smack steered the +barque quite true. + +It was a pity that a second hand did not remain with Joe, but no one +foresaw what would happen. The good mate went below forward, and found +the men worse than ever from drink, panic, and religion. He tried all he +knew to fetch them on deck, but nothing would serve. He tried the +captain, but that worthy seaman was sleeping like a hog, and the cognac +was running in slavers from his mouth. + +"Shouldn't wonder if he has 'em on when he starts on the beer again," +muttered Joe. He saw a large sheath-knife, and secured that in his own +belt; then he took a mouthful of wine, and went to his post. + +There was plenty of sea, but the prize was far too valuable to be left, +and Glenn determined to make a bold bid for fortune. Not a single vessel +passed them all night, and they were lonely at dawn next day. The +sailors crept up one by one, but they only gathered in a jabbering knot, +and scowled at the Englishman heavily. Joe made signs for them to +turn-to at the pumps, but they scowled still more. Then he signed that +he wanted something to eat, but the fellows only looked venomous, and +poor Joe groaned, "To-morrow's Christmas Day, and no tommy to eat--let +be the pudden!" + +It was indeed heartrending; but the skipper was a thoughtful man, and +when he found that his mate was famine-struck, he risked swamping the +boat, and sent some beef and biscuit. The shameless Spaniards had plenty +below, but they were enraged for some reason or other, and they would +have let their deliverer hunger himself to the bone. + +That evening, while Joe was easing the warps by shoving pieces of coir +where the bite came, he felt a grip on his neck. Like a flash he +thought, "Now, the knife." He wrenched himself round, and there was the +Spanish captain, glaring, trembling, and breathing hard. + +"See, see! You been help, Ingleese!" and he pointed to the dusk as he +shrieked. + +Joe saw at once that the man was wild with drink, and he put on a smile, +with a notion of coaxing the captain over. In a little while he managed +to get him below, and, foolishly, filled him some more cognac. Joe +thought it best to stupefy the fellow, and the brandy certainly did send +him to sleep. + +That was a bad night, for the wind rose again, and such a sea ran that +Glenn gave up hope at midnight, and got ready for the worst. At the dawn +of Christmas Day the skipper offered to relieve him, but the risk would +have been too much, and the dogged East Coaster stuck to his work, +though he was aching, drenched, and so sleepy that he did not know how +to keep his eyes open. + +A queer Christmas? Yes, but not much more queer than the Christmas +passed by thousands of good fellows on that treacherous great channel. +The warps both parted with an awful jerk at noon, just as Joe was about +to drink a dismal health to Sal with some of the captain's cognac. He +took a look round, and, though I cannot say that his courage went, I am +bound to tell you that a kind of ferocious despair seized on him when he +found the bargue yawing away from the Esperanza. She might broach-to any +time, and then all would be over. Poor Joe! Not a soul was there to +comfort him. The Spanish sluggards came up sometimes and scowled, then +they went below again. It was cruel work. The skipper of the Esperanza +made desperate efforts to get up, but dusk fell before he came near, +and then it was too late to try anything especially as the barque was +going yard-arm under. Dark fell, and Joe heard moaning and gibbering +once more. The captain was creeping along the deck, "saying something +about Madd-ray," as Joe put it. "It was him as was mad," the smacksman +said, with an attempt at humour. "He made a try to stick me, and I felt +something sting my arm like a pin going in." + +That was true. The maddened drunkard made a staggering attempt to stab +Glenn, and then, with a yell, he poised on the rail and jumped into the +sea. + +That was really about enough for one Christmas Day, and Joe's nerve was +all gone. + +The cold seemed to grip his blood, for he had taken little good +nourishment; the vessel was helpless, and there was no shelter from the +flying rivers of water that came over. Joe felt that strange, hard pain +across the brows that seizes a man who has been long sleepless, and he +could have dozed off had it not been for the continual breaking of the +seas. He saw the Esperanza's lights, and he wished that the boat could +have been sent, if it were only to give him a little company. The +rolling of the barque was awful at two in the morning, and, at last, one +violent kick parted the mizen rigging on the starboard side. Then came +one vast roll, and a ponderous rush of water, and with a tearing crash, +the mast went over the side. + +Joe edged his way forward, and once more spoke to the gang in the +forecastle. By dint of signs he made them understand that he wanted a +hatchet, and he also contrived to let them know that they must go down +unless the port rigging was severed. For a wonder he got what he wanted, +and he laboured until his elbows were numbed before the bumping, rolling +mast was clear. + +Four hours till daylight, and wind and sea getting worse. Something must +be done, or the strained ship would go for a certainty; it only wanted +one unlucky sea to settle her. But what could one man do? If two of the +sodden ruffians forrad would only come up, then something might be done; +but one tired sailor was of little use. Glenn resolved to make one more +appeal to the Spaniards, for he had a bright plan in his head, and he +needed no more than the aid of two men to carry it out. A spare mainyard +was lashed out on deck, and Joe had noticed it with the seaman's quick +eye when he came on board. If he could only get hold of a spare topsail +he could save the vessel, and he was ready to go on his knees to the men +if they would show him a sail locker. After imploring, cursing +threatening, for five minutes, Joe at last got the mate to lug out a +sail; then he persuaded a lad who was more sober than the rest to come +on deck with a lantern. Now, it will be noticed that foreign seamen in +general are dreadfully afraid of taking to the boat. During this present +winter our fellows have saved four or five foreign crews, and in every +case the vessels had their own boats undamaged, but the men dursn't risk +the trip themselves, so our fishermen had to peril their lives. The +Spaniard's boat was lashed so that no mortal could get her clear, and +the little craft was used as a sort of lumber-closet. Glenn had noticed +some steel rails in the boat, and he guessed that these specimens of +railway plant were accidentally left out until the hatches had been +battened down. + +He thanked God for the negligence. + +Working with desperate speed, he rudely bent the spare sail to the spar; +then to the lower cloth of the sail he managed to fix two of the weighty +rails, and then commenced to lug the yard past the vessel's foremast. It +takes a long time to tell all this, but Joe was not long, though every +movement was made at the risk of his life. He hacked away two lengths of +rope measuring each about eighty feet; he made these into bridles, +knotting one end of each piece to the end of the spar, and taking the +other ends round the timber-heads. Two pieces of thin rope, hauled out +of the hamper aft, were made fast to the ends of the steel rails, and +then Joe made a frantic effort to get his apparatus over the side. No +good; he must humiliate himself again before those unspeakable aliens. +Drenched, agonised for lack of sleep, weak with exertion, and bleeding +from the hustling blows that he had received, the poor soul besought the +men to lend him a hand, and swore to save them. They understood him fast +enough, and one peculiarly drunken individual blundered up and obeyed +Glenn's signs. With a violent effort the spar was hoisted and dropped; +the steel rails sank, and there was an apparatus like an enormous +window-blind hanging in the water. The barque soon felt the pull of this +novel anchor; she swung round, with her head to the sea, and to Joe's +passionate delight she rode more softly, for the big spar broke every +sea, and very little water came on board afterwards. The vessel was +securely moored, for she could not drag that great expanse of canvas +through the seas. + +When the grey light rose, there was quite plenty of sea, but the barque +was all right, and so was Joe, for he had coolly gone below, and he fell +asleep, with a thankful heart, on the cabin bench. The ship was quiet as +a cradle, and the smack's boat got up to her easily. The warps were made +fast again, and the two vessels once more went away in procession. + +This time Joe had English company, and the two men had a good time until +the tug picked them up off Lowestoft. Joe Glenn had not changed a stitch +for eleven days, but he did not mind the discomfort the lump of salvage +made up for much pain and striving. + +Joe bought a good cottage with his share, and he was satisfied; but I +quite agreed with him when he said that his money was hard earned. No +man ever spent a much queerer Christmas. + + + + +JACK BROWN. + + +When I first saw Jack, he had left his vessel at Barking Creek, and he +was enjoying a very vigorous spree; but he never lost temper or became +stupefied, and his loud merriment was rather pleasant than otherwise. +Jack did not look by any means like a rough, for his face had a kind of +girlish beauty. His dark cheeks were richly flushed, his throat was +round and white, and his blue eyes twinkled with fun. He stood about six +feet in height, and he would have made a fine guardsman, for he looked +as if he had been carefully drilled all his life long. Men who +habitually exercise every muscle and tendon acquire that graceful +carriage which belongs to the military gymnast. This fine young fellow +was full of high spirits and bodily power; courage was so natural to him +that I do not think such a word as "brave" ever entered his vocabulary. +He had never been afraid of anything in his life, and it did not occur +to him to think of danger. When Jack was a little child he was taken out +to sea in his father's vessel, and henceforth a ship was his only home +from year's end to year's end. The boy was so daring that he made some +of the old hands nervous very often, and there were many doleful +prophecies made regarding the ultimate fate of his carcase. On one blowy +day when the ships were pitching freely, it happened that Jack's father +went with fish to the steam cutter, leaving the urchin on deck. As the +old man drew back within a quarter-mile of his smack, he saw a black +figure clambering along the gaff, and he knew that it was Jack. Young +Hopeful crawled from the throat of the gaff to the very end of the spar, +and then proceeded to swarm up the gaff halyards--a most perilous +proceeding. The father was aghast; he whispered hurriedly, "Pull, for +God's sake; she'll roll him overboard before we get up." But the young +monkey did not part with his hold so easily, and he came down by the +rings of the mainsail without so much as grazing his shins. + +In every vessel the men must have a plaything, and Jack served his +bigger comrades admirably in that capacity. Had not his father been on +board, the lad might have been ill-used in the horrible way so common in +the old days; but the stern skipper allowed no rough play, and the boy +was merely set on to perform harmless tricks. Once the men dared him to +climb down the bobstay, and he instantly tried; but he gave the crew a +scare, for he could not climb back after the vessel had dipped him a few +times, and, last of all, the boat was towered to rescue him. In hard +weather and amid hard work, Jack grew steadily in strength and skill. I +have seen him at work and he made me shudder, although the sight of his +amazing agility might have given anybody confidence. On wet nights when +the deck was like a rink, he would make a rush as the boat pitched; then +he would pick up his rope unerringly in the dark and, in another second, +you would see him over the side with one foot on the trawl-beam in an +attitude risky enough to make you want to close your eyes. + +It was nothing much to see him take a flying spring on to the main boom +in the dark, and hang there reefing while the vessel jerked so that you +might have fancied she must send his ribs through the skin. I say it was +nothing, because he performed this feat nearly every winter night, after +the midnight haul, and the spectacle grew common. I never knew him +bungle over a rope or make a bad slip, and it was simply a pleasure to +see him steer. He never threw away an inch, and his way of stealing foot +by foot was worthy of any jockey. Sometimes when I was at the wheel and +running a little to leeward of another vessel, he would say, "I reckon I +can weather him, sir, if you let me have her a bit;" and then, with +delicate touches and catlike watching of every puff and every send of +the sea, he would edge his way up, and pass his opponent neatly. + +Most wonderful of all it was to see Jack handling the small boat in +heavy weather. While the wee cockle-shell was rolling and bungling under +our quarter, he would jump on the rail, measure his distance perfectly, +spring on to the boat's gunwale and fend her off before she made the +return roll. A marvellous performance that was, and the marvel only +increased when you saw the young fellow pitching heavy boxes of fish on +to the deck of the great steam cutter. + +With a roar, and a savage sweep the big seas came; on their mountainous +sides the shrill eddies of wind played, and the lines of foam twined in +wavering mazes. Hill on hill gathered, and the seas looked like swelling +Downs piled heap on heap, while the sonorous crests roared on hoarsely, +and sometimes the face of the wild water was obscured in the white smoke +plucked off by the gusts. + +Jack did not mind weather; the steamer hurled herself up on the bulge of +a sea, and then you could get a glimpse of a tall, lithe figure, +straining in the small boat alongside the rearing iron hulk. That +splendid, lithe young lad performed prodigies of strength and courage; +the hulk and the little boat sank down,--down until the steamer's +mast-head disappeared; then with a rush the wave slid away, and the +craft came toppling down the hither side of the mountain, and still that +lithe figure was there, toiling fiercely and cleverly. Soon with a bound +and a loud laugh, he was on board of us again, and no one could tell +from one tremor of his merry, tawny face that he had been, of a truth, +looking into the very jaws of death. + +This splendid man was innocent as a child of all worldly affairs +unconnected with the sea. He once told me, "I can make a shift to get +along with an easy book; but if I come to a hard word, I cry +'Wheelbarrows,' and skip him." On his own topics he was very sensible, +and no owner could have found fault with him had he not been just a +little racketty on shore. In my refined days I remember reading in one +of Thackeray's books about a young lord who was much loved by one Henry +Esmond: My friend Jack was very like that young man, and you could not +get vexed with him,--or, at any rate, you could not keep vexed very +long. + +We soon made friends in The Chequers, and before midnight we were +confidential. On my expressing wonder at seeing a Barking lad among us, +Jack winked with profound meaning, and said, "I ain't Barking at all, +only for this trip. My gal's a Lowestoft gal, and she've come up here, +so I'm ready for her Sunday out to-morrow. See?" + +Our second interview took place next day, and I saw the sweetheart. She +was an ordinary pretty servant-girl, such as most of the fishermen pick +up when they marry out of their own class; but I could see that she was +likely to make some difference in John's rather convivial habits. She +spoke like an ignorant woman with strong natural sense, and when Jack +proposed having some beer, she said, "Ay, so! That's the way you fare to +go. I've seen them, as soon as ever they leaves the pay-office, turning +into the public-house. And a master lot o' good that do, doan't it now? +Men workin' like beasts for two months, and then dropping all their +money into the till in a week, and then off to sea short of clothes, +besides very likely getting into trouble. Nay! Have yow a glass of ale +if yow care, but no good never come on it, what I know. Leastways, not +for men that goes to the sea." + +So Jack and I deferred to Sally's opinion--until nine o'clock in the +evening, and then we made up for lost time. It was amusing to see the +cool way in which the handsome lad parted from his sweetheart. They had +not met for two months, and yet I do not believe that they exchanged +kisses either at meeting or parting. + +These folk are strangely undemonstrative. They are fond of each other, +and most faithful, but they show nothing. On a grim morning after a +gale, when the vessels are towing up with flags half-mast high, the +women will gather on the tow-path and by the quays; you see white, drawn +faces, but rarely a tear. The bleak, perilous life of the men seems to +be known intimately to the women, and they accept the worst fortune with +a dry pathos that is heartbreaking. Jack and his sweetheart were in the +flush of youth--nay, of physical beauty; they were passionately fond of +each other; and they parted like casual strangers. When Jack went again +below to the filthy, frowsy cabin of the smack, and thought over the +months of cold, toil, drenching weather, and hard fare, I have no doubt +but that he thought of the pretty girl, but he said very little, and +larked on as usual as soon as he got over his parting carouse. + +For several trips after this, my handsome fellow was wild and careless; +his splendid constitution enabled him to drink with impunity the +abominable stuff sold by the Copers, and he was merely merry when older +soakers were delirious. His father and he parted, and the old man +stayed at home as ship's husband to a firm of smack owners, and the lad +had his head free. He was as desperately brave as ever, for the subtle +poison was long in attacking his nerve; but many of his ways were queer, +and the men who went home in the returning smacks carried unpleasant +reports about him. At times, like Robert Burns, George Morland, and men +of that kidney, he would give way to a passionate burst of repentance; +but in his case the repentance always departed with the return of health +and buoyancy. + +One night he stayed on board a coper until a breeze came away; he then +insisted on straddling across the bow of the boat on the return journey, +and he lost his grip for once in his life and went overboard. A dip of +that sort, with heavy sea-boots on, is rather dangerous, and Master Jack +felt as though all the water in the North Sea was dragging at his legs; +but he was hauled in at last. Even that experience only cured him for a +week, and then his resorts to the brandy-bottle began again. + +At last, when he was putting fish aboard the carrier, a letter was +handed to him; he looked at it with rough tenderness, and crammed it, +all greasy and gruesome, under his jumper. On getting aboard, he went to +a quiet corner where the men could not tease, and he read, + +"Dear John,--I write these few lines hoping you are quite well as this +leaves me at present, but i don't think as you can be well if all is +trew as we hear you are very wild and you ont have no money to come home +if you doant watshe it. You must either stop the beer or stop goin with +me and then my heart would be broak, every girl I see which married a +drinking man has supped sorrow for sertain, and the man the same, and +you will be just the same. Pray, my dear, do take the right tirning, or +I must keap my word. So no more at present from your loveing SARAH +KERRISON." + +Jack cursed once, and then muttered "Werra well, let her. Let her go and +take on some one better;" but he was amazingly unhappy despite his +defiance, and his unhappiness drove him to frantic excesses. He used to +scare his companions by saying, "If God takes my girl, they can talk +about Him as they like, but He shan't take my soul, not if I damn for +it." Then when the shuddering men said, "For mercy's sake, shut up. +It's enough to sink the wessel," he would make answer, "Werra good, let +her sink; and the sooner the better." + +The days wore away, and the time came for Jack to run home. The smack +was well clear of the fleets and spinning along nicely to southward on a +dark night, and Jack was at the wheel. His nerve was just a little +touched, and he muttered, "This is a devil of a night. I wish we were +well home." + +It was indeed a weird night; the wind thrummed on the cordage; the gaff +whistled with tremulous sounds, as though some frightened soul were +shivering at the mast-head; and when the inky waves rolled out of the +gloom, they showed no definite shape--only a sliding dark cloud fringed +with white flame. There is always a steady roar from the sails, and one +hears it better at night; Jack had often heard the roar rise to a howl, +but no noise that ever he knew had such effect on him as the rushing +moan from the sails that night. + +There are only two men in a watch on board a smack, and it often happens +that one will go below to fetch some of the tea which the seamen drink +so insatiably. Jack's mate was below, but the helmsman had no fear, as +all was clear. He mused on, always peering sharply round for a few +minutes when suddenly, over the haze which was rising, he saw a white +light, and then the loom of a green. "All right; well clear," he +muttered. "Glad the fog's no higher. Why doesn't he use his whistle?" +Then, with the suddenness of lightning, he found the red light opened on +him, and, with a chill at his heart, he discovered that he could not get +his own vessel out of the road. Once he sang out, and then came the +looming of a black mountain over him. Until the monster's stem took him +on the quarter and the smack hurled over--hustled into the sea by the +impetus of the steamer--Jack never left go of his wheel; he had a few +seconds, and, with his nimble spring, he rushed to the mizen rigging, +nicked the strings of one lifebuoy; lifted another from forward of the +companion, and then made his rush for the forehatch. + +"All out. No time for the boats!" + +One man sprang up panting and Jack said, "Here you are, Harry. Shove +that on, and jump. Jump to windward." The smack reared up; there was a +long crashing rush of the swift water; then Jack saw the liquid darkness +over him, and he was just beginning to hear that awful buzzing in the +ears when, with a roar, he felt the upper air swoop round him. + +He could just see a coil of foam on the blackness to mark where the +smack had gone down, and, as he cleared his eyes, he saw the cloudy +shape of the steamer far away. "Harry, boy!" he sang out, but Harry must +have been hit by a spar, and Jack Brown was left alone on that bleak, +black waste of wandering water. + +"A lingering death," he murmured, as he felt the spray cut round his +head; but he struggled resolutely to keep his face front the set of the +sea, and the buoy supported him bravely. His thoughts ran on things +past; he had spoken unkindly of Sally, behind her back; he had been +tipsy--Ah! how often! Then he thought, "Shall I pray and repent?" All +the dare-devil in the deluded lad's soul arose at this question, and he +snarled "No. Blowed if I snivel just yet, only because I'm in a bad +way." Oh, Jack, Jack! And the deep grave weltering below you, and only a +ring of cork and oilskin to keep you out of that cold home. Was there +never a shudder as you thought of the crowding fishes? Their merciless +cold eyes! Their grey, slimy skin! But Jack was at that day a reckless +fellow, and he lived to be passionately sorry for his splenetic madness. + +The cold grew worse and worse, and it seemed to creep toward Jack's +heart. He gave one cry, and instantly he heard a faint answer. Could it +be the scream of a gull? Nay, they rest at night. He called again, and +the voice of his agony was answered by a loud hail; then a flare was +lit, and Jack knew that the steamer's boat had been searching for him. + +"Easy. Shove the painter under his arms, and then two of you haul." + +So Jack was plumped into the boat, and lay limp and sick. In an hour he +was warm asleep in his berth on board the steamer, and, I am afraid to +say that he begged hard for a pipe before he dozed over. + +The steamer took him home, and he was received in a matter-of-fact way +by his people. He had had a dousing! Yes, but it was all in the day's +work. That is the way in which the good folk talk. + +Jack was never the same again, and some of the old men said "he looked +as if he had seen something." Yes, he had seen something, and he said to +Sally, "All right about that letter of yours. Let it stick to the wall." +The man was very grave and kind, and he spoke freely to those of his +cronies who were on shore; but he would not go near his old haunts, and +some people thought he must have got religious. Perhaps he had. At any +rate something that happened not long afterwards made the supposition +probable. Jack was on the Ter Schelling bank when his turn came to go +home again, and he was moodily wondering whether any such ordeal would +ever be put on him as that which he endured when the steamer sank his +vessel. + +The weather looked ugly; the glass went fast down, and a wild and +leprous-looking moon shone lividly through a shifting mask of troubled +clouds. A sullen calm fell, and the smack rolled with clashing blocks +and groaning spars, making night hideous. In the morning a gale broke +and soon came a blinding fall of snow. It was impossible to see many +yards through the rushing drift of murky yellow, but Jack took in all +four reefs, and ran on with a rag of sail and a three-cloth jib. + +It was not a sea that came away; it was a mere enormous cataract that +poured on irresistibly. Jack knew that so long as he could keep the boat +moving, he might escape having his decks stove in, so he determined to +try it--neck or nothing. No man on board knew when the sea might come +which would heave her down, and they watched grimly as the gallant craft +tore on. Some wanted to heave-to, but the skipper knew that he would +stand a good chance of being smothered that way, and he resolved to get +as near home as possible, in case the hurricane grew worse. After boring +for ten hours in the worst of the tremendous sea, he saw a vessel to +leeward of him, flying signals of distress. She was sinking, and her +boat was smashed. The mate said, "That poor chap on't see land." Jack +thought a little, and then he said, "I'm going to try. Out with your +boat." Discipline on board the smacks is not very strict, and the men +were inclined to question the wisdom of Jack's proposal; but Englishmen +always lean to humanity, and with a little persuasion, all hands +volunteered. Jack took one unmarried man, and then coolly proceeded to +make his wild attempt. It was a forlorn kind of chance for everybody, +but as Jack said, "I was saved once, and I know what them poor bloods +feel like." + +The little boat had first of all to run down on the sinking smack, and +then, at the risk of capsizing, Jack's vessel ran to leeward and came +round, sending everything shaking as she came up. Only desperately brave +and supremely kindly people would have dared such a thing, and even the +skipper of the foundering vessel said, "Well, chaps, I thought no one +but a mad one would a-tried it on; but Gord bless you all the same." + +After that, Jack was obliged to let go his anchor within sound of +breakers, and his fight with death lasted all night. The lifeboats could +not get out to him, and he could only pray that the snow-curtain might +lift. In the morning a slant of wind came which enabled him to get away +from the gnashing breakers, and he got in with the loss of his gaff. +Sally was home for Christmas-time, and she was mighty proud when no less +a person than the Mayor presented Jack with a town's subscription, which +was quite enough to fit up a house. + +Jack is my favourite of all the loose fish I have known, and if ever I +take up my place again--alas!--I shall have him with me, and make him +live ashore. + + +SWIFT & Co., Printers, 2, Newton Street, High Holborn, W.C. + + + + +Transcriber's note + +The following typos have been corrected in the text: + +Page Problem Correction + +10 to a a queer to a queer +14 found the found that the +16 the nthe then the +21 had manage had managed +30 everybody, The everybody. The +74 How is this? "How is this? +79 laulo Rye. laulo Rye." +79 Rye. Rye.) +95 We must have "We must have +95 enagagement engagement +125 No one better "No one better +129 you are touched you are touched. +130 convervation conversation +137 fraced traced +141 youself yourself +143 six at night six at night. +143 all the day all the day. +162 Ned Donnelly's? Ned Donnelly's. +200 ower power +201 Do you want "Do you want +208 bargue barque + +The following words with and without hyphenation were left as in the text: + +arm-pits armpits +mast-head masthead + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Chequers, by James Runciman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CHEQUERS *** + +***** This file should be named 18510.txt or 18510.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/8/5/1/18510/ + +Produced by Steven Gibbs, LN Yaddanapudi and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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