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authorRoger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org>2025-10-15 05:17:52 -0700
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+<title>Notes on a Journey from Cornhill to Grand Cairo | Project Gutenberg</title>
+
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+<body>
+<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 1863 ***</div>
+
+<h1>NOTES ON A JOURNEY FROM CORNHILL TO GRAND CAIRO</h1>
+
+<h2 class="no-break">By William Makepeace Thackeray</h2>
+
+<hr />
+
+<h2>Contents</h2>
+
+<table summary="" style="">
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2H_4_0001">DEDICATION</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2H_PREF">PREFACE</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0001">CHAPTER I: VIGO</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0002">CHAPTER II: LISBON—CADIZ</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0003">CHAPTER III: THE “LADY MARY WOOD”</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0004">CHAPTER IV: GIBRALTAR</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0005">CHAPTER V: ATHENS</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0006">CHAPTER VI: SMYRNA—FIRST GLIMPSES OF THE EAST</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0007">CHAPTER VII: CONSTANTINOPLE</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0008">CHAPTER VIII: RHODES</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0009">CHAPTER IX: THE WHITE SQUALL</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0010">CHAPTER X: TELMESSUS—BEYROUT</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0011">CHAPTER XI: A DAY AND NIGHT IN SYRIA</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0012">CHAPTER XII: FROM JAFFA TO JERUSALEM</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0013">CHAPTER XIII: JERUSALEM</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0014">CHAPTER XIV: FROM JAFFA TO ALEXANDRIA</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2HCH0015">CHAPTER XV: TO CAIRO</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#2H_FOOT">Footnotes:</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+</table>
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2H_4_0001"></a>
+DEDICATION</h2>
+
+<p>
+TO CAPTAIN SAMUEL LEWIS, OF THE PENINSULAR AND ORIENTAL STEAM NAVIGATION
+COMPANY’S SERVICE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My Dear Lewis,
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After a voyage, during which the captain of the ship has displayed uncommon
+courage, seamanship, affability, or other good qualities, grateful passengers
+often present him with a token of their esteem, in the shape of teapots,
+tankards, trays, &amp;c. of precious metal. Among authors, however, bullion is
+a much rarer commodity than paper, whereof I beg you to accept a little in the
+shape of this small volume. It contains a few notes of a voyage which your
+skill and kindness rendered doubly pleasant; and of which I don’t think there
+is any recollection more agreeable than that it was the occasion of making your
+friendship.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If the noble Company in whose service you command (and whose fleet alone makes
+them a third-rate maritime power in Europe) should appoint a few admirals in
+their navy, I hope to hear that your flag is hoisted on board one of the
+grandest of their steamers. But, I trust, even there you will not forget the
+“Iberia,” and the delightful Mediterranean cruise we had in her in the Autumn
+of 1844.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Most faithfully yours, My dear Lewis, W. M. THACKERAY. LONDON: December 24,
+1845.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2H_PREF"></a>
+PREFACE</h2>
+
+<p>
+On the 20th of August, 1844, the writer of this little book went to dine at
+the—Club, quite unconscious of the wonderful events which Fate had in store for
+him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. William was there, giving a farewell dinner to his friend Mr. James (now
+Sir James). These two asked Mr. Titmarsh to join company with them, and the
+conversation naturally fell upon the tour Mr. James was about to take. The
+Peninsular and Oriental Company had arranged an excursion in the Mediterranean,
+by which, in the space of a couple of months, as many men and cities were to be
+seen as Ulysses surveyed and noted in ten years. Malta, Athens, Smyrna,
+Constantinople, Jerusalem, Cairo were to be visited, and everybody was to be
+back in London by Lord Mayor’s Day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The idea of beholding these famous places inflamed Mr. Titmarsh’s mind; and the
+charms of such a journey were eloquently impressed upon him by Mr. James.
+“Come,” said that kind and hospitable gentleman, “and make one of my family
+party; in all your life you will never probably have a chance again to see so
+much in so short a time. Consider—it is as easy as a journey to Paris or to
+Baden.” Mr. Titmarsh considered all these things; but also the difficulties of
+the situation: he had but six-and-thirty hours to get ready for so portentous a
+journey—he had engagements at home— finally, could he afford it? In spite of
+these objections, however, with every glass of claret the enthusiasm somehow
+rose, and the difficulties vanished.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But when Mr. James, to crown all, said he had no doubt that his friends, the
+Directors of the Peninsular and Oriental Company, would make Mr. Titmarsh the
+present of a berth for the voyage, all objections ceased on his part: to break
+his outstanding engagements—to write letters to his amazed family, stating that
+they were not to expect him at dinner on Saturday fortnight, as he would be at
+Jerusalem on that day—to purchase eighteen shirts and lay in a sea stock of
+Russia ducks,—was the work of four-and- twenty hours; and on the 22nd of
+August, the “Lady Mary Wood” was sailing from Southampton with the “subject of
+the present memoir,” quite astonished to find himself one of the passengers on
+board.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These important statements are made partly to convince some incredulous
+friends—who insist still that the writer never went abroad at all, and wrote
+the following pages, out of pure fancy, in retirement at Putney; but mainly, to
+give him an opportunity of thanking the Directors of the Company in question
+for a delightful excursion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was one so easy, so charming, and I think profitable—it leaves such a store
+of pleasant recollections for after days—and creates so many new sources of
+interest (a newspaper letter from Beyrout, or Malta, or Algiers, has twice the
+interest now that it had formerly),—that I can’t but recommend all persons who
+have time and means to make a similar journey—vacation idlers to extend their
+travels and pursue it: above all, young well-educated men entering life, to
+take this course, we will say, after that at college; and, having their
+book-learning fresh in their minds, see the living people and their cities, and
+the actual aspect of Nature, along the famous shores of the Mediterranean.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0001"></a>
+CHAPTER I<br/>
+VIGO</h2>
+
+<p>
+The sun brought all the sick people out of their berths this morning, and the
+indescribable moans and noises which had been issuing from behind the fine
+painted doors on each side of the cabin happily ceased. Long before sunrise, I
+had the good fortune to discover that it was no longer necessary to maintain
+the horizontal posture, and, the very instant this truth was apparent, came on
+deck, at two o’clock in the morning, to see a noble full moon sinking westward,
+and millions of the most brilliant stars shining overhead. The night was so
+serenely pure, that you saw them in magnificent airy perspective; the blue sky
+around and over them, and other more distant orbs sparkling above, till they
+glittered away faintly into the immeasurable distance. The ship went rolling
+over a heavy, sweltering, calm sea. The breeze was a warm and soft one; quite
+different to the rigid air we had left behind us, two days since, off the Isle
+of Wight. The bell kept tolling its half-hours, and the mate explained the
+mystery of watch and dog-watch.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The sight of that noble scene cured all the woes and discomfitures of
+sea-sickness at once, and if there were any need to communicate such secrets to
+the public, one might tell of much more good that the pleasant morning-watch
+effected; but there are a set of emotions about which a man had best be shy of
+talking lightly,—and the feelings excited by contemplating this vast,
+magnificent, harmonious Nature are among these. The view of it inspires a
+delight and ecstasy which is not only hard to describe, but which has something
+secret in it that a man should not utter loudly. Hope, memory, humility, tender
+yearnings towards dear friends, and inexpressible love and reverence towards
+the Power which created the infinite universe blazing above eternally, and the
+vast ocean shining and rolling around—fill the heart with a solemn humble
+happiness, that a person dwelling in a city has rarely occasion to enjoy. They
+are coming away from London parties at this time: the dear little eyes are
+closed in sleep under mother’s wing. How far off city cares and pleasures
+appear to be! how small and mean they seem, dwindling out of sight before this
+magnificent brightness of Nature! But the best thoughts only grow and
+strengthen under it. Heaven shines above, and the humble spirit looks up
+reverently towards that boundless aspect of wisdom and beauty. You are at home,
+and with all at rest there, however far away they may be; and through the
+distance the heart broods over them, bright and wakeful like yonder peaceful
+stars overhead.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The day was as fine and calm as the night; at seven bells, suddenly a bell
+began to toll very much like that of a country church, and on going on deck we
+found an awning raised, a desk with a flag flung over it close to the compass,
+and the ship’s company and passengers assembled there to hear the Captain read
+the Service in a manly respectful voice. This, too, was a novel and touching
+sight to me. Peaked ridges of purple mountains rose to the left of the
+ship,—Finisterre and the coast of Galicia. The sky above was cloudless and
+shining; the vast dark ocean smiled peacefully round about, and the ship went
+rolling over it, as the people within were praising the Maker of all.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In honour of the day, it was announced that the passengers would be regaled
+with champagne at dinner; and accordingly that exhilarating liquor was served
+out in decent profusion, the company drinking the Captain’s health with the
+customary orations of compliment and acknowledgment. This feast was scarcely
+ended, when we found ourselves rounding the headland into Vigo Bay, passing a
+grim and tall island of rocky mountains which lies in the centre of the bay.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Whether it is that the sight of land is always welcome to weary mariners, after
+the perils and annoyances of a voyage of three days, or whether the place is in
+itself extraordinarily beautiful, need not be argued; but I have seldom seen
+anything more charming than the amphitheatre of noble hills into which the ship
+now came— all the features of the landscape being lighted up with a wonderful
+clearness of air, which rarely adorns a view in our country. The sun had not
+yet set, but over the town and lofty rocky castle of Vigo a great ghost of a
+moon was faintly visible, which blazed out brighter and brighter as the
+superior luminary retired behind the purple mountains of the headland to rest.
+Before the general background of waving heights which encompassed the bay, rose
+a second semicircle of undulating hills, as cheerful and green as the mountains
+behind them were grey and solemn. Farms and gardens, convent towers, white
+villages and churches, and buildings that no doubt were hermitages once, upon
+the sharp peaks of the hills, shone brightly in the sun. The sight was
+delightfully cheerful, animated, and pleasing.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Presently the Captain roared out the magic words, “Stop her!” and the obedient
+vessel came to a stand-still, at some three hundred yards from the little town,
+with its white houses clambering up a rock, defended by the superior mountain
+whereon the castle stands. Numbers of people, arrayed in various brilliant
+colours of red, were standing on the sand close by the tumbling, shining,
+purple waves: and there we beheld, for the first time, the Royal red and yellow
+standard of Spain floating on its own ground, under the guardianship of a light
+blue sentinel, whose musket glittered in the sun. Numerous boats were seen,
+incontinently, to put off from the little shore.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And now our attention was withdrawn from the land to a sight of great splendour
+on board. This was Lieutenant Bundy, the guardian of Her Majesty’s mails, who
+issued from his cabin in his long swallow-tailed coat with anchor buttons; his
+sabre clattering between his legs; a magnificent shirt-collar, of several
+inches in height, rising round his good-humoured sallow face; and above it a
+cocked hat, that shone so, I thought it was made of polished tin (it may have
+been that or oilskin), handsomely laced with black worsted, and ornamented with
+a shining gold cord. A little squat boat, rowed by three ragged gallegos, came
+bouncing up to the ship. Into this Mr. Bundy and Her Majesty’s Royal mail
+embarked with much majesty; and in the twinkling of an eye, the Royal standard
+of England, about the size of a pocket-handkerchief,—and at the bows of the
+boat, the man-of-war’s pennant, being a strip of bunting considerably under the
+value of a farthing,—streamed out.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“They know that flag, sir,” said the good-natured old tar, quite solemnly, in
+the evening afterwards: “they respect it, sir.” The authority of Her Majesty’s
+lieutenant on board the steamer is stated to be so tremendous, that he may
+order it to stop, to move, to go larboard, starboard, or what you will; and the
+captain dare only disobey him suo periculo.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was agreed that a party of us should land for half-an-hour, and taste real
+Spanish chocolate on Spanish ground. We followed Lieutenant Bundy, but humbly
+in the providor’s boat; that officer going on shore to purchase fresh eggs,
+milk for tea (in place of the slimy substitute of whipped yolk of egg which we
+had been using for our morning and evening meals), and, if possible, oysters,
+for which it is said the rocks of Vigo are famous.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was low tide, and the boat could not get up to the dry shore. Hence it was
+necessary to take advantage of the offers of sundry gallegos, who rushed
+barelegged into the water, to land on their shoulders. The approved method
+seems to be, to sit upon one shoulder only, holding on by the porter’s
+whiskers; and though some of our party were of the tallest and fattest men
+whereof our race is composed, and their living sedans exceedingly meagre and
+small, yet all were landed without accident upon the juicy sand, and forthwith
+surrounded by a host of mendicants, screaming, “I say, sir! penny, sir! I say,
+English! tam your ays! penny!” in all voices, from extreme youth to the most
+lousy and venerable old age. When it is said that these beggars were as ragged
+as those of Ireland, and still more voluble, the Irish traveller will be able
+to form an opinion of their capabilities.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Through this crowd we passed up some steep rocky steps, through a little low
+gate, where, in a little guard-house and barrack, a few dirty little sentinels
+were keeping a dirty little guard; and by low-roofed whitewashed houses, with
+balconies, and women in them,— the very same women, with the very same
+head-clothes, and yellow fans and eyes, at once sly and solemn, which Murillo
+painted,—by a neat church into which we took a peep, and, finally, into the
+Plaza del Constitucion, or grand place of the town, which may be about as big
+as that pleasing square, Pump Court, Temple. We were taken to an inn, of which
+I forget the name, and were shown from one chamber and storey to another, till
+we arrived at that apartment where the real Spanish chocolate was finally to be
+served out. All these rooms were as clean as scrubbing and whitewash could make
+them; with simple French prints (with Spanish titles) on the walls; a few
+rickety half-finished articles of furniture; and, finally, an air of extremely
+respectable poverty. A jolly, black-eyed, yellow- shawled Dulcinea conducted us
+through the apartment, and provided us with the desired refreshment.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sounds of clarions drew our eyes to the Place of the Constitution; and, indeed,
+I had forgotten to say, that that majestic square was filled with military,
+with exceedingly small firelocks, the men ludicrously young and diminutive for
+the most part, in a uniform at once cheap and tawdry,—like those supplied to
+the warriors at Astley’s, or from still humbler theatrical wardrobes: indeed,
+the whole scene was just like that of a little theatre; the houses curiously
+small, with arcades and balconies, out of which looked women apparently a great
+deal too big for the chambers they inhabited; the warriors were in ginghams,
+cottons, and tinsel; the officers had huge epaulets of sham silver lace
+drooping over their bosoms, and looked as if they were attired at a very small
+expense. Only the general—the captain-general (Pooch, they told us, was his
+name: I know not how ’tis written in Spanish)—was well got up, with a smart
+hat, a real feather, huge stars glittering on his portly chest, and tights and
+boots of the first order. Presently, after a good deal of trumpeting, the
+little men marched off the place, Pooch and his staff coming into the very inn
+in which we were awaiting our chocolate.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then we had an opportunity of seeing some of the civilians of the town. Three
+or four ladies passed, with fan and mantle; to them came three or four dandies,
+dressed smartly in the French fashion, with strong Jewish physiognomies. There
+was one, a solemn lean fellow in black, with his collars extremely turned over,
+and holding before him a long ivory-tipped ebony cane, who tripped along the
+little place with a solemn smirk, which gave one an indescribable feeling of
+the truth of “Gil Blas,” and of those delightful bachelors and licentiates who
+have appeared to us all in our dreams.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In fact we were but half-an-hour in this little queer Spanish town; and it
+appeared like a dream, too, or a little show got up to amuse us. Boom! the gun
+fired at the end of the funny little entertainment. The women and the
+balconies, the beggars and the walking Murillos, Pooch and the little soldiers
+in tinsel, disappeared, and were shut up in their box again. Once more we were
+carried on the beggars’ shoulders out off the shore, and we found ourselves
+again in the great stalwart roast-beef world; the stout British steamer bearing
+out of the bay, whose purple waters had grown more purple. The sun had set by
+this time, and the moon above was twice as big and bright as our degenerate
+moons are.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The providor had already returned with his fresh stores, and Bundy’s tin hat
+was popped into its case, and he walking the deck of the packet denuded of
+tails. As we went out of the bay, occurred a little incident with which the
+great incidents of the day may be said to wind up. We saw before us a little
+vessel, tumbling and plunging about in the dark waters of the bay, with a
+bright light beaming from the mast. It made for us at about a couple of miles
+from the town, and came close up, flouncing and bobbing in the very jaws of the
+paddle, which looked as if it would have seized and twirled round that little
+boat and its light, and destroyed them for ever and ever. All the passengers,
+of course, came crowding to the ship’s side to look at the bold little boat.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“I SAY!” howled a man; “I say!—a word!—I say! Pasagero! Pasagero!
+Pasage-e-ero!” We were two hundred yards ahead by this time.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“Go on,” says the captain.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“You may stop if you like,” says Lieutenant Bundy, exerting his tremendous
+responsibility. It is evident that the lieutenant has a soft heart, and felt
+for the poor devil in the boat who was howling so piteously “Pasagero!”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But the captain was resolute. His duty was NOT to take the man up. He was
+evidently an irregular customer—someone trying to escape, possibly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The lieutenant turned away, but did not make any further hints. The captain was
+right; but we all felt somehow disappointed, and looked back wistfully at the
+little boat, jumping up and down far astern now; the poor little light shining
+in vain, and the poor wretch within screaming out in the most heartrending
+accents a last faint desperate “I say! Pasagero-o!”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We all went down to tea rather melancholy; but the new milk, in the place of
+that abominable whipped egg, revived us again; and so ended the great events on
+board the “Lady Mary Wood” steamer, on the 25th August, 1844.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0002"></a>
+CHAPTER II<br/>
+LISBON—CADIZ</h2>
+
+<p>
+A great misfortune which befalls a man who has but a single day to stay in a
+town, is that fatal duty which superstition entails upon him of visiting the
+chief lions of the city in which he may happen to be. You must go through the
+ceremony, however much you may sigh to avoid it; and however much you know that
+the lions in one capital roar very much like the lions in another; that the
+churches are more or less large and splendid, the palaces pretty spacious, all
+the world over; and that there is scarcely a capital city in this Europe but
+has its pompous bronze statue or two of some periwigged, hook-nosed emperor, in
+a Roman habit, waving his bronze baton on his broad-flanked brazen charger. We
+only saw these state old lions in Lisbon, whose roar has long since ceased to
+frighten one. First we went to the Church of St. Roch, to see a famous piece of
+mosaic-work there. It is a famous work of art, and was bought by I don’t know
+what king for I don’t know how much money. All this information may be
+perfectly relied on, though the fact is, we did not see the mosaic-work: the
+sacristan, who guards it, was yet in bed; and it was veiled from our eyes in a
+side-chapel by great dirty damask curtains, which could not be removed, except
+when the sacristan’s toilette was done, and at the price of a dollar. So we
+were spared this mosaic exhibition; and I think I always feel relieved when
+such an event occurs. I feel I have done my duty in coming to see the enormous
+animal: if he is not at home, virtute mea me, &amp;c.—we have done our best,
+and mortal can do no more.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In order to reach that church of the forbidden mosaic, we had sweated up
+several most steep and dusty streets—hot and dusty, although it was but nine
+o’clock in the morning. Thence the guide conducted us into some little
+dust-powdered gardens, in which the people make believe to enjoy the verdure,
+and whence you look over a great part of the arid, dreary, stony city. There
+was no smoke, as in honest London, only dust—dust over the gaunt houses and the
+dismal yellow strips of gardens. Many churches were there, and tall
+half-baked-looking public edifices, that had a dry, uncomfortable, earth-quaky
+look, to my idea. The ground-floors of the spacious houses by which we passed
+seemed the coolest and pleasantest portions of the mansion. They were cellars
+or warehouses, for the most part, in which white-jacketed clerks sat smoking
+easy cigars. The streets were plastered with placards of a bull-fight, to take
+place the next evening (there was no opera that season); but it was not a real
+Spanish tauromachy—only a theatrical combat, as you could see by the picture in
+which the horseman was cantering off at three miles an hour, the bull tripping
+after him with tips to his gentle horns. Mules interminable, and almost all
+excellently sleek and handsome, were pacing down every street: here and there,
+but later in the day, came clattering along a smart rider on a prancing Spanish
+horse; and in the afternoon a few families might be seen in the queerest
+old-fashioned little carriages, drawn by their jolly mules and swinging
+between, or rather before, enormous wheels.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The churches I saw were of the florid periwig architecture—I mean of that
+pompous cauliflower kind of ornament which was the fashion in Louis the
+Fifteenth’s time, at which unlucky period a building mania seems to have seized
+upon many of the monarchs of Europe, and innumerable public edifices were
+erected. It seems to me to have been the period in all history when society was
+the least natural, and perhaps the most dissolute; and I have always fancied
+that the bloated artificial forms of the architecture partake of the social
+disorganisation of the time. Who can respect a simpering ninny, grinning in a
+Roman dress and a full-bottomed wig, who is made to pass off for a hero? or a
+fat woman in a hoop, and of a most doubtful virtue, who leers at you as a
+goddess? In the palaces which we saw, several Court allegories were
+represented, which, atrocious as they were in point of art, might yet serve to
+attract the regard of the moraliser. There were Faith, Hope, and Charity
+restoring Don John to the arms of his happy Portugal: there were Virtue,
+Valour, and Victory saluting Don Emanuel: Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic (for
+what I know, or some mythologic nymphs) dancing before Don Miguel—the picture
+is there still, at the Ajuda; and ah me! where is poor Mig? Well, it is these
+State lies and ceremonies that we persist in going to see; whereas a man would
+have a much better insight into Portuguese manners, by planting himself at a
+corner, like yonder beggar, and watching the real transactions of the day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A drive to Belem is the regular route practised by the traveller who has to
+make only a short stay, and accordingly a couple of carriages were provided for
+our party, and we were driven through the long merry street of Belem, peopled
+by endless strings of mules,—by thousands of gallegos, with water-barrels on
+their shoulders, or lounging by the fountains to hire,—by the Lisbon and Belem
+omnibuses, with four mules, jingling along at a good pace; and it seemed to me
+to present a far more lively and cheerful, though not so regular, an appearance
+as the stately quarters of the city we had left behind us. The little shops
+were at full work— the men brown, well-dressed, manly, and handsome: so much
+cannot, I am sorry to say, be said for the ladies, of whom, with every anxiety
+to do so, our party could not perceive a single good- looking specimen all day.
+The noble blue Tagus accompanies you all along these three miles of busy
+pleasant street, whereof the chief charm, as I thought, was its look of genuine
+business—that appearance of comfort which the cleverest Court-architect never
+knows how to give.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The carriages (the canvas one with four seats and the chaise in which I drove)
+were brought suddenly up to a gate with the Royal arms over it; and here we
+were introduced to as queer an exhibition as the eye has often looked on. This
+was the state-carriage house, where there is a museum of huge old tumble-down
+gilded coaches of the last century, lying here, mouldy and dark, in a sort of
+limbo. The gold has vanished from the great lumbering old wheels and panels;
+the velvets are wofully tarnished. When one thinks of the patches and powder
+that have simpered out of those plate-glass windows—the mitred bishops, the
+big-wigged marshals, the shovel- hatted abbes which they have borne in their
+time—the human mind becomes affected in no ordinary degree. Some human minds
+heave a sigh for the glories of bygone days; while others, considering rather
+the lies and humbug, the vice and servility, which went framed and glazed and
+enshrined, creaking along in those old Juggernaut cars, with fools worshipping
+under the wheels, console themselves for the decay of institutions that may
+have been splendid and costly, but were ponderous, clumsy, slow, and unfit for
+daily wear. The guardian of these defunct old carriages tells some prodigious
+fibs concerning them: he pointed out one carriage that was six hundred years
+old in his calendar; but any connoisseur in bric-a-brac can see it was built at
+Paris in the Regent Orleans’ time.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Hence it is but a step to an institution in full life and vigour,— a noble
+orphan-school for one thousand boys and girls, founded by Don Pedro, who gave
+up to its use the superb convent of Belem, with its splendid cloisters, vast
+airy dormitories, and magnificent church. Some Oxford gentlemen would have wept
+to see the desecrated edifice,—to think that the shaven polls and white gowns
+were banished from it to give place to a thousand children, who have not even
+the clergy to instruct them. “Every lad here may choose his trade,” our little
+informant said, who addressed us in better French than any of our party spoke,
+whose manners were perfectly gentlemanlike and respectful, and whose clothes,
+though of a common cotton stuff, were cut and worn with a military neatness and
+precision. All the children whom we remarked were dressed with similar
+neatness, and it was a pleasure to go through their various rooms for study,
+where some were busy at mathematics, some at drawing, some attending a lecture
+on tailoring, while others were sitting at the feet of a professor of the
+science of shoemaking. All the garments of the establishment were made by the
+pupils; even the deaf and dumb were drawing and reading, and the blind were,
+for the most part, set to perform on musical instruments, and got up a concert
+for the visitors. It was then we wished ourselves of the numbers of the deaf
+and dumb, for the poor fellows made noises so horrible, that even as blind
+beggars they could hardly get a livelihood in the musical way.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Hence we were driven to the huge palace of Necessidades, which is but a wing of
+a building that no King of Portugal ought ever to be rich enough to complete,
+and which, if perfect, might outvie the Tower of Babel. The mines of Brazil
+must have been productive of gold and silver indeed when the founder imagined
+this enormous edifice. From the elevation on which it stands it commands the
+noblest views,—the city is spread before it, with its many churches and towers,
+and for many miles you see the magnificent Tagus, rolling by banks crowned with
+trees and towers. But to arrive at this enormous building you have to climb a
+steep suburb of wretched huts, many of them with dismal gardens of dry cracked
+earth, where a few reedy sprouts of Indian corn seemed to be the chief
+cultivation, and which were guarded by huge plants of spiky aloes, on which the
+rags of the proprietors of the huts were sunning themselves. The terrace before
+the palace was similarly encroached upon by these wretched habitations. A few
+millions judiciously expended might make of this arid hill one of the most
+magnificent gardens in the world; and the palace seems to me to excel for
+situation any Royal edifice I have ever seen. But the huts of these swarming
+poor have crawled up close to its gates,— the superb walls of hewn stone stop
+all of a sudden with a lath- and-plaster hitch; and capitals, and hewn stones
+for columns, still lying about on the deserted terrace, may lie there for ages
+to come, probably, and never take their places by the side of their brethren in
+yonder tall bankrupt galleries. The air of this pure sky has little effect upon
+the edifices,—the edges of the stone look as sharp as if the builders had just
+left their work; and close to the grand entrance stands an outbuilding, part of
+which may have been burnt fifty years ago, but is in such cheerful preservation
+that you might fancy the fire had occurred yesterday. It must have been an
+awful sight from this hill to have looked at the city spread before it, and
+seen it reeling and swaying in the time of the earthquake. I thought it looked
+so hot and shaky, that one might fancy a return of the fit. In several places
+still remain gaps and chasms, and ruins lie here and there as they cracked and
+fell.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Although the palace has not attained anything like its full growth, yet what
+exists is quite big enough for the monarch of such a little country; and
+Versailles or Windsor has not apartments more nobly proportioned. The Queen
+resides in the Ajuda, a building of much less pretensions, of which the yellow
+walls and beautiful gardens are seen between Belem and the city. The
+Necessidades are only used for grand galas, receptions of ambassadors, and
+ceremonies of state. In the throne-room is a huge throne, surmounted by an
+enormous gilt crown, than which I have never seen anything larger in the finest
+pantomime at Drury Lane; but the effect of this splendid piece is lessened by a
+shabby old Brussels carpet, almost the only other article of furniture in the
+apartment, and not quite large enough to cover its spacious floor. The looms of
+Kidderminster have supplied the web which ornaments the “Ambassadors’
+Waiting-Room,” and the ceilings are painted with huge allegories in distemper,
+which pretty well correspond with the other furniture. Of all the undignified
+objects in the world, a palace out at elbows is surely the meanest. Such places
+ought not to be seen in adversity,—splendour is their decency,—and when no
+longer able to maintain it, they should sink to the level of their means,
+calmly subside into manufactories, or go shabby in seclusion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There is a picture-gallery belonging to the palace that is quite of a piece
+with the furniture, where are the mythological pieces relative to the kings
+before alluded to, and where the English visitor will see some astonishing
+pictures of the Duke of Wellington, done in a very characteristic style of
+Portuguese art. There is also a chapel, which has been decorated with much care
+and sumptuousness of ornament—the altar surmounted by a ghastly and horrible
+carved figure in the taste of the time when faith was strengthened by the
+shrieks of Jews on the rack, and enlivened by the roasting of heretics. Other
+such frightful images may be seen in the churches of the city; those which we
+saw were still rich, tawdry, and splendid to outward show, although the French,
+as usual, had robbed their shrines of their gold and silver, and the statues of
+their jewels and crowns. But brass and tinsel look to the visitor full as well
+at a little distance,—as doubtless Soult and Junot thought, when they despoiled
+these places of worship, like French philosophers as they were.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A friend, with a classical turn of mind, was bent upon seeing the aqueduct,
+whither we went on a dismal excursion of three hours, in the worst carriages,
+over the most diabolical clattering roads, up and down dreary parched hills, on
+which grew a few grey olive-trees and many aloes. When we arrived, the gate
+leading to the aqueduct was closed, and we were entertained with a legend of
+some respectable character who had made a good livelihood there for some time
+past lately, having a private key to this very aqueduct, and lying in wait
+there for unwary travellers like ourselves, whom he pitched down the arches
+into the ravines below, and there robbed them at leisure. So that all we saw
+was the door and the tall arches of the aqueduct, and by the time we returned
+to town it was time to go on board the ship again. If the inn at which we had
+sojourned was not of the best quality, the bill, at least, would have done
+honour to the first establishment in London. We all left the house of
+entertainment joyfully, glad to get out of the sun- burnt city and go HOME.
+Yonder in the steamer was home, with its black funnel and gilt portraiture of
+“Lady Mary Wood” at the bows; and every soul on board felt glad to return to
+the friendly little vessel. But the authorities of Lisbon, however, are very
+suspicious of the departing stranger, and we were made to lie an hour in the
+river before the Sanita boat, where a passport is necessary to be procured
+before the traveller can quit the country. Boat after boat laden with priests
+and peasantry, with handsome red-sashed gallegos clad in brown, and
+ill-favoured women, came and got their permits, and were off, as we lay bumping
+up against the old hull of the Sanita boat; but the officers seemed to take a
+delight in keeping us there bumping, looked at us quite calmly over the ship’s
+sides, and smoked their cigars without the least attention to the prayers which
+we shrieked out for release.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If we were glad to get away from Lisbon, we were quite as sorry to be obliged
+to quit Cadiz, which we reached the next night, and where we were allowed a
+couple of hours’ leave to land and look about. It seemed as handsome within as
+it is stately without; the long narrow streets of an admirable cleanliness,
+many of the tall houses of rich and noble decorations, and all looking as if
+the city were in full prosperity. I have seen no more cheerful and animated
+sight than the long street leading from the quay where we were landed, and the
+market blazing in sunshine, piled with fruit, fish, and poultry, under
+many-coloured awnings; the tall white houses with their balconies and galleries
+shining round about, and the sky above so blue that the best cobalt in all the
+paint-box looks muddy and dim in comparison to it. There were pictures for a
+year in that market-place—from the copper-coloured old hags and beggars who
+roared to you for the love of Heaven to give money, to the swaggering dandies
+of the market, with red sashes and tight clothes, looking on superbly, with a
+hand on the hip and a cigar in the mouth. These must be the chief critics at
+the great bull-fight house yonder by the Alameda, with its scanty trees, and
+cool breezes facing the water. Nor are there any corks to the bulls’ horns
+here, as at Lisbon. A small old English guide who seized upon me the moment my
+foot was on shore, had a store of agreeable legends regarding the bulls, men,
+and horses that had been killed with unbounded profusion in the late
+entertainments which have taken place.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was so early an hour in the morning that the shops were scarcely opened as
+yet; the churches, however, stood open for the faithful, and we met scores of
+women tripping towards them with pretty feet, and smart black mantillas, from
+which looked out fine dark eyes and handsome pale faces, very different from
+the coarse brown countenances we had seen at Lisbon. A very handsome modern
+cathedral, built by the present bishop at his own charges, was the finest of
+the public edifices we saw; it was not, however, nearly so much frequented as
+another little church, crowded with altars and fantastic ornaments, and lights
+and gilding, where we were told to look behind a huge iron grille, and beheld a
+bevy of black nuns kneeling. Most of the good ladies in the front ranks stopped
+their devotions, and looked at the strangers with as much curiosity as we
+directed at them through the gloomy bars of their chapel. The men’s convents
+are closed; that which contains the famous Murillos has been turned into an
+academy of the fine arts; but the English guide did not think the pictures were
+of sufficient interest to detain strangers, and so hurried us back to the
+shore, and grumbled at only getting three shillings at parting for his trouble
+and his information. And so our residence in Andalusia began and ended before
+breakfast, and we went on board and steamed for Gibraltar, looking, as we
+passed, at Joinville’s black squadron, and the white houses of St. Mary’s
+across the bay, with the hills of Medina Sidonia and Granada lying purple
+beyond them. There’s something even in those names which is pleasant to write
+down; to have passed only two hours in Cadiz is something—to have seen real
+donnas with comb and mantle—real caballeros with cloak and cigar—real Spanish
+barbers lathering out of brass basins—and to have heard guitars under the
+balconies: there was one that an old beggar was jangling in the market, whilst
+a huge leering fellow in bushy whiskers and a faded velvet dress came singing
+and jumping after our party,—not singing to a guitar, it is true, but imitating
+one capitally with his voice, and cracking his fingers by way of castanets, and
+performing a dance such as Figaro or Lablache might envy. How clear that
+fellow’s voice thrums on the ear even now; and how bright and pleasant remains
+the recollection of the fine city and the blue sea, and the Spanish flags
+floating on the boats that danced over it, and Joinville’s band beginning to
+play stirring marches as we puffed out of the bay.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The next stage was Gibraltar, where we were to change horses. Before sunset we
+skirted along the dark savage mountains of the African coast, and came to the
+Rock just before gun-fire. It is the very image of an enormous lion, crouched
+between the Atlantic and the Mediterranean, and set there to guard the passage
+for its British mistress. The next British lion is Malta, four days further on
+in the Midland Sea, and ready to spring upon Egypt or pounce upon Syria, or
+roar so as to be heard at Marseilles in case of need.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To the eyes of the civilian the first-named of these famous fortifications is
+by far the most imposing. The Rock looks so tremendous, that to ascend it, even
+without the compliment of shells or shot, seems a dreadful task—what would it
+be when all those mysterious lines of batteries were vomiting fire and
+brimstone; when all those dark guns that you see poking their grim heads out of
+every imaginable cleft and zigzag should salute you with shot, both hot and
+cold; and when, after tugging up the hideous perpendicular place, you were to
+find regiments of British grenadiers ready to plunge bayonets into your poor
+panting stomach, and let out artificially the little breath left there? It is a
+marvel to think that soldiers will mount such places for a shilling—ensigns for
+five and ninepence—a day: a cabman would ask double the money to go half way!
+One meekly reflects upon the above strange truths, leaning over the ship’s
+side, and looking up the huge mountain, from the tower nestled at the foot of
+it to the thin flagstaff at the summit, up to which have been piled the most
+ingenious edifices for murder Christian science ever adopted. My hobby-horse is
+a quiet beast, suited for Park riding, or a gentle trot to Putney and back to a
+snug stable, and plenty of feeds of corn:- it can’t abide climbing hills, and
+is not at all used to gunpowder. Some men’s animals are so spirited that the
+very appearance of a stone-wall sets them jumping at it: regular chargers of
+hobbies, which snort and say “Ha, ha!” at the mere notion of a battle.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0003"></a>
+CHAPTER III<br/>
+THE “LADY MARY WOOD”</h2>
+
+<p>
+Our week’s voyage is now drawing to a close. We have just been to look at Cape
+Trafalgar, shining white over the finest blue sea. (We, who were looking at
+Trafalgar Square only the other day!) The sight of that cape must have
+disgusted Joinville and his fleet of steamers, as they passed yesterday into
+Cadiz bay, and to-morrow will give them a sight of St. Vincent.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One of their steam-vessels has been lost off the coast of Africa; they were
+obliged to burn her, lest the Moors should take possession of her. She was a
+virgin vessel, just out of Brest. Poor innocent! to die in the very first month
+of her union with the noble whiskered god of war!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We Britons on board the English boat received the news of the “Groenenland’s”
+abrupt demise with grins of satisfaction. It was a sort of national compliment,
+and cause of agreeable congratulation. “The lubbers!” we said; “the clumsy
+humbugs! there’s none but Britons to rule the waves!” and we gave ourselves
+piratical airs, and went down presently and were sick in our little buggy
+berths. It was pleasant, certainly, to laugh at Joinville’s admiral’s flag
+floating at his foremast, in yonder black ship, with its two thundering great
+guns at the bows and stern, its busy crew swarming on the deck, and a crowd of
+obsequious shore-boats bustling round the vessel—and to sneer at the Mogador
+warrior, and vow that we English, had we been inclined to do the business,
+would have performed it a great deal better.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Now yesterday at Lisbon we saw H.M.S. “Caledonia.” THIS, on the contrary,
+inspired us with feelings of respect and awful pleasure. There she lay—the huge
+sea-castle—bearing the unconquerable flag of our country. She had but to open
+her jaws, as it were, and she might bring a second earthquake on the
+city—batter it into kingdom-come—with the Ajuda palace and the Necessidades,
+the churches, and the lean, dry, empty streets, and Don John, tremendous on
+horseback, in the midst of Black Horse Square. Wherever we looked we could see
+that enormous “Caledonia,” with her flashing three lines of guns. We looked at
+the little boats which ever and anon came out of this monster, with humble
+wonder. There was the lieutenant who boarded us at midnight before we dropped
+anchor in the river: ten white-jacketed men pulling as one, swept along with
+the barge, gig, boat, curricle, or coach-and-six, with which he came up to us.
+We examined him—his red whiskers—his collars turned down—his duck trousers, his
+bullion epaulets—with awe. With the same reverential feeling we examined the
+seamen—the young gentleman in the bows of the boat—the handsome young officers
+of marines we met sauntering in the town next day—the Scotch surgeon who
+boarded us as we weighed anchor—every man, down to the broken-nosed mariner who
+was drunk in a wine-house, and had “Caledonia” written on his hat. Whereas at
+the Frenchmen we looked with undisguised contempt. We were ready to burst with
+laughter as we passed the Prince’s vessel—there was a little French boy in a
+French boat alongside cleaning it, and twirling about a little French mop—we
+thought it the most comical, contemptible French boy, mop, boat, steamer,
+prince—Psha! it is of this wretched vapouring stuff that false patriotism is
+made. I write this as a sort of homily à propos of the day, and Cape Trafalgar,
+off which we lie. What business have I to strut the deck, and clap my wings,
+and cry “Cock-a-doodle-doo” over it? Some compatriots are at that work even
+now.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We have lost one by one all our jovial company. There were the five Oporto
+wine-merchants—all hearty English gentlemen—gone to their wine-butts, and their
+red-legged partridges, and their duels at Oporto. It appears that these gallant
+Britons fight every morning among themselves, and give the benighted people
+among whom they live an opportunity to admire the spirit national. There is the
+brave honest major, with his wooden leg—the kindest and simplest of Irishmen:
+he has embraced his children, and reviewed his little invalid garrison of
+fifteen men, in the fort which he commands at Belem, by this time, and, I have
+no doubt, played to every soul of them the twelve tunes of his musical-box. It
+was pleasant to see him with that musical-box—how pleased he wound it up after
+dinner—how happily he listened to the little clinking tunes as they galloped,
+ding-dong, after each other! A man who carries a musical-box is always a
+good-natured man.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then there was his Grace, or his Grandeur, the Archbishop of Beyrouth (in the
+parts of the infidels), His Holiness’s Nuncio to the Court of Her Most Faithful
+Majesty, and who mingled among us like any simple mortal,—except that he had an
+extra smiling courtesy, which simple mortals do not always possess; and when
+you passed him as such, and puffed your cigar in his face, took off his hat
+with a grin of such prodigious rapture, as to lead you to suppose that the most
+delicious privilege of his whole life was that permission to look at the tip of
+your nose or of your cigar. With this most reverend prelate was his Grace’s
+brother and chaplain—a very greasy and good-natured ecclesiastic, who, from his
+physiognomy, I would have imagined to be a dignitary of the Israelitish rather
+than the Romish Church—as profuse in smiling courtesy as his Lordship of
+Beyrouth. These two had a meek little secretary between them, and a tall French
+cook and valet, who, at meal times, might be seen busy about the cabin where
+their reverences lay. They were on their backs for the greater part of the
+voyage; their yellow countenances were not only unshaven, but, to judge from
+appearances, unwashed. They ate in private; and it was only of evenings, as the
+sun was setting over the western wave, and, comforted by the dinner, the
+cabin-passengers assembled on the quarter-deck, that we saw the dark faces of
+the reverend gentlemen among us for a while. They sank darkly into their berths
+when the steward’s bell tolled for tea.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At Lisbon, where we came to anchor at midnight, a special boat came off,
+whereof the crew exhibited every token of reverence for the ambassador of the
+ambassador of Heaven, and carried him off from our company. This abrupt
+departure in the darkness disappointed some of us, who had promised ourselves
+the pleasure of seeing his Grandeur depart in state in the morning, shaved,
+clean, and in full pontificals, the tripping little secretary swinging an
+incense-pot before him, and the greasy chaplain bearing his crosier.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Next day we had another bishop, who occupied the very same berth his Grace of
+Beyrouth had quitted—was sick in the very same way— so much so that this cabin
+of the “Lady Mary Wood” is to be christened “the bishop’s berth” henceforth;
+and a handsome mitre is to be painted on the basin.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Bishop No. 2 was a very stout, soft, kind-looking old gentleman, in a square
+cap, with a handsome tassel of green and gold round his portly breast and back.
+He was dressed in black robes and tight purple stockings: and we carried him
+from Lisbon to the little flat coast of Faro, of which the meek old gentleman
+was the chief pastor.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had not been half-an-hour from our anchorage in the Tagus, when his Lordship
+dived down into the episcopal berth. All that night there was a good smart
+breeze; it blew fresh all the next day, as we went jumping over the blue bright
+sea; and there was no sign of his Lordship the bishop until we were opposite
+the purple hills of Algarve, which lay some ten miles distant,—a yellow sunny
+shore stretching flat before them, whose long sandy flats and villages we could
+see with our telescope from the steamer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Presently a little vessel, with a huge shining lateen sail, and bearing the
+blue and white Portuguese flag, was seen playing a sort of leap-frog on the
+jolly waves, jumping over them, and ducking down as merry as could be. This
+little boat came towards the steamer as quick as ever she could jump; and
+Captain Cooper roaring out, “Stop her!” to “Lady Mary Wood,” her Ladyship’s
+paddles suddenly ceased twirling, and news was carried to the good bishop that
+his boat was almost alongside, and that his hour was come.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was rather an affecting sight to see the poor old fat gentleman, looking
+wistfully over the water as the boat now came up, and her eight seamen, with
+great noise, energy, and gesticulation laid her by the steamer. The steamer
+steps were let down; his Lordship’s servant, in blue and yellow livery (like
+the Edinburgh Review), cast over the episcopal luggage into the boat, along
+with his own bundle and the jack-boots with which he rides postilion on one of
+the bishop’s fat mules at Faro. The blue and yellow domestic went down the
+steps into the boat. Then came the bishop’s turn; but he couldn’t do it for a
+long while. He went from one passenger to another, sadly shaking them by the
+hand, often taking leave and seeming loth to depart, until Captain Cooper, in a
+stern but respectful tone, touched him on the shoulder, and said, I know not
+with what correctness, being ignorant of the Spanish language, “Senor ’Bispo!
+Senor ’Bispo!” on which summons the poor old man, looking ruefully round him
+once more, put his square cap under his arm, tucked up his long black
+petticoats, so as to show his purple stockings and jolly fat calves, and went
+trembling down the steps towards the boat. The good old man! I wish I had had a
+shake of that trembling podgy hand somehow before he went upon his sea
+martyrdom. I felt a love for that soft-hearted old Christian. Ah! let us hope
+his governante tucked him comfortably in bed when he got to Faro that night,
+and made him a warm gruel and put his feet in warm water. The men clung around
+him, and almost kissed him as they popped him into the boat, but he did not
+heed their caresses. Away went the boat scudding madly before the wind. Bang!
+another lateen-sailed boat in the distance fired a gun in his honour; but the
+wind was blowing away from the shore, and who knows when that meek bishop got
+home to his gruel?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I think these were the notables of our party. I will not mention the laughing
+ogling lady of Cadiz, whose manners, I very much regret to say, were a great
+deal too lively for my sense of propriety; nor those fair sufferers, her
+companions, who lay on the deck with sickly, smiling female resignation: nor
+the heroic children, who no sooner ate biscuit than they were ill, and no
+sooner were ill than they began eating biscuit again: but just allude to one
+other martyr, the kind lieutenant in charge of the mails, and who bore his
+cross with what I can’t but think a very touching and noble resignation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There’s a certain sort of man whose doom in the world is disappointment,—who
+excels in it,—and whose luckless triumphs in his meek career of life, I have
+often thought, must be regarded by the kind eyes above with as much favour as
+the splendid successes and achievements of coarser and more prosperous men. As
+I sat with the lieutenant upon deck, his telescope laid over his lean legs, and
+he looking at the sunset with a pleased, withered old face, he gave me a little
+account of his history. I take it he is in nowise disinclined to talk about it,
+simple as it is: he has been seven- and-thirty years in the navy, being
+somewhat more mature in the service than Lieutenant Peel, Rear-Admiral Prince
+de Joinville, and other commanders who need not be mentioned. He is a very
+well- educated man, and reads prodigiously,—travels, histories, lives of
+eminent worthies and heroes, in his simple way. He is not in the least angry at
+his want of luck in the profession. “Were I a boy to-morrow,” he said, “I would
+begin it again; and when I see my schoolfellows, and how they have got on in
+life, if some are better off than I am, I find many are worse, and have no call
+to be discontented.” So he carries Her Majesty’s mails meekly through this
+world, waits upon port-admirals and captains in his old glazed hat, and is as
+proud of the pennon at the bow of his little boat, as if it were flying from
+the mainmast of a thundering man-of-war. He gets two hundred a year for his
+services, and has an old mother and a sister living in England somewhere, who I
+will wager (though he never, I swear, said a word about it) have a good portion
+of this princely income.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Is it breaking a confidence to tell Lieutenant Bundy’s history? Let the motive
+excuse the deed. It is a good, kind, wholesome, and noble character. Why should
+we keep all our admiration for those who win in this world, as we do,
+sycophants as we are? When we write a novel, our great stupid imaginations can
+go no further than to marry the hero to a fortune at the end, and to find out
+that he is a lord by right. O blundering lickspittle morality! And yet I would
+like to fancy some happy retributive Utopia in the peaceful cloud-land, where
+my friend the meek lieutenant should find the yards of his ship manned as he
+went on board, all the guns firing an enormous salute (only without the least
+noise or vile smell of powder), and he be saluted on the deck as Admiral Sir
+James, or Sir Joseph—ay, or Lord Viscount Bundy, knight of all the orders above
+the sun.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I think this is a sufficient, if not a complete catalogue of the worthies on
+board the “Lady Mary Wood.” In the week we were on board—it seemed a year, by
+the way—we came to regard the ship quite as a home. We felt for the captain—the
+most good-humoured, active, careful, ready of captains—a filial, a fraternal
+regard; for the providor, who provided for us with admirable comfort and
+generosity, a genial gratitude; and for the brisk steward’s lads— brisk in
+serving the banquet, sympathising in handing the basin— every possible
+sentiment of regard and good-will. What winds blew, and how many knots we ran,
+are all noted down, no doubt, in the ship’s log: and as for what ships we
+saw—every one of them with their gunnage, tonnage, their nation, their
+direction whither they were bound—were not these all noted down with surprising
+ingenuity and precision by the lieutenant, at a family desk at which he sat
+every night, before a great paper elegantly and mysteriously ruled off with his
+large ruler? I have a regard for every man on board that ship, from the captain
+down to the crew—down even to the cook, with tattooed arms, sweating among the
+saucepans in the galley, who used (with a touching affection) to send us locks
+of his hair in the soup. And so, while our feelings and recollections are warm,
+let us shake hands with this knot of good fellows, comfortably floating about
+in their little box of wood and iron, across Channel, Biscay Bay, and the
+Atlantic, from Southampton Water to Gibraltar Straits.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0004"></a>
+CHAPTER IV<br/>
+GIBRALTAR</h2>
+
+<p>
+Suppose all the nations of the earth to send fitting ambassadors to represent
+them at Wapping or Portsmouth Point, with each, under its own national
+signboard and language, its appropriate house of call, and your imagination may
+figure the Main Street of Gibraltar: almost the only part of the town, I
+believe, which boasts of the name of street at all, the remaining houserows
+being modestly called lanes, such as Bomb Lane, Battery Lane, Fusee Lane, and
+so on. In Main Street the Jews predominate, the Moors abound; and from the
+“Jolly Sailor,” or the brave “Horse Marine,” where the people of our nation are
+drinking British beer and gin, you hear choruses of “Garryowen” or “The Lass I
+left behind me;” while through the flaring lattices of the Spanish ventas come
+the clatter of castanets and the jingle and moan of Spanish guitars and
+ditties. It is a curious sight at evening this thronged street, with the
+people, in a hundred different costumes, bustling to and fro under the coarse
+flare of the lamps; swarthy Moors, in white or crimson robes; dark Spanish
+smugglers in tufted hats, with gay silk handkerchiefs round their heads;
+fuddled seamen from men-of-war, or merchantmen; porters, Galician or Genoese;
+and at every few minutes’ interval, little squads of soldiers tramping to
+relieve guard at some one of the innumerable posts in the town.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Some of our party went to a Spanish venta, as a more convenient or romantic
+place of residence than an English house; others made choice of the club-house
+in Commercial Square, of which I formed an agreeable picture in my imagination;
+rather, perhaps, resembling the Junior United Service Club in Charles Street,
+by which every Londoner has passed ere this with respectful pleasure, catching
+glimpses of magnificent blazing candelabras, under which sit neat half-pay
+officers, drinking half-pints of port. The club-house of Gibraltar is not,
+however, of the Charles Street sort: it may have been cheerful once, and there
+are yet relics of splendour about it. When officers wore pigtails, and in the
+time of Governor O’Hara, it may have been a handsome place; but it is mouldy
+and decrepit now; and though his Excellency, Mr. Bulwer, was living there, and
+made no complaints that I heard of, other less distinguished persons thought
+they had reason to grumble. Indeed, what is travelling made of? At least half
+its pleasures and incidents come out of inns; and of them the tourist can speak
+with much more truth and vivacity than of historical recollections compiled out
+of histories, or filched out of handbooks. But to speak of the best inn in a
+place needs no apology: that, at least, is useful information. As every person
+intending to visit Gibraltar cannot have seen the flea-bitten countenances of
+our companions, who fled from their Spanish venta to take refuge at the club
+the morning after our arrival, they may surely be thankful for being directed
+to the best house of accommodation in one of the most unromantic,
+uncomfortable, and prosaic of towns.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If one had a right to break the sacred confidence of the mahogany, I could
+entertain you with many queer stories of Gibraltar life, gathered from the lips
+of the gentlemen who enjoyed themselves round the dingy tablecloth of the
+club-house coffee-room, richly decorated with cold gravy and spilt beer. I
+heard there the very names of the gentlemen who wrote the famous letters from
+the “Warspite” regarding the French proceedings at Mogador; and met several
+refugee Jews from that place, who said that they were much more afraid of the
+Kabyles without the city than of the guns of the French squadron, of which they
+seemed to make rather light. I heard the last odds on the ensuing match between
+Captain Smith’s b. g. Bolter, and Captain Brown’s ch. c. Roarer: how the
+gun-room of Her Majesty’s ship “Purgatory” had “cobbed” a tradesman of the
+town, and of the row in consequence. I heard capital stories of the way in
+which Wilkins had escaped the guard, and Thompson had been locked up among the
+mosquitoes for being out after ten without the lantern. I heard how the
+governor was an old -, but to say what, would be breaking a confidence: only
+this may be divulged, that the epithet was exceedingly complimentary to Sir
+Robert Wilson. All the while these conversations were going on, a strange scene
+of noise and bustle was passing in the market-place, in front of the window,
+where Moors, Jews, Spaniards, soldiers were thronging in the sun; and a ragged
+fat fellow, mounted on a tobacco-barrel, with his hat cocked on his ear, was
+holding an auction, and roaring with an energy and impudence that would have
+done credit to Covent Garden.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Moorish castle is the only building about the Rock which has an air at all
+picturesque or romantic; there is a plain Roman Catholic cathedral, a hideous
+new Protestant church of the cigar-divan architecture, and a Court-house with a
+portico which is said to be an imitation of the Parthenon: the ancient
+religions houses of the Spanish town are gone, or turned into military
+residences, and masked so that you would never know their former pious
+destination. You walk through narrow whitewashed lanes, bearing such martial
+names as are before mentioned, and by-streets with barracks on either side:
+small Newgate-like looking buildings, at the doors of which you may see the
+sergeants’ ladies conversing; or at the open windows of the officers’ quarters,
+Ensign Fipps lying on his sofa and smoking his cigar, or Lieutenant Simson
+practising the flute to while away the weary hours of garrison dulness. I was
+surprised not to find more persons in the garrison library, where is a
+magnificent reading-room, and an admirable collection of books.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In spite of the scanty herbage and the dust on the trees, the Alameda is a
+beautiful walk; of which the vegetation has been as laboriously cared for as
+the tremendous fortifications which flank it on either side. The vast Rock
+rises on one side with its interminable works of defence, and Gibraltar Bay is
+shining on the other, out on which from the terraces immense cannon are
+perpetually looking, surrounded by plantations of cannon-balls and beds of
+bomb-shells, sufficient, one would think, to blow away the whole peninsula. The
+horticultural and military mixture is indeed very queer: here and there
+temples, rustic summer-seats, &amp;c. have been erected in the garden, but you
+are sure to see a great squat mortar look up from among the flower-pots: and
+amidst the aloes and geraniums sprouts the green petticoat and scarlet coat of
+a Highlander. Fatigue-parties are seen winding up the hill, and busy about the
+endless cannon-ball plantations; awkward squads are drilling in the open
+spaces: sentries marching everywhere, and (this is a caution to artists) I am
+told have orders to run any man through who is discovered making a sketch of
+the place. It is always beautiful, especially at evening, when the people are
+sauntering along the walks, and the moon is shining on the waters of the bay
+and the hills and twinkling white houses of the opposite shore. Then the place
+becomes quite romantic: it is too dark to see the dust on the dried leaves; the
+cannon-balls do not intrude too much, but have subsided into the shade; the
+awkward squads are in bed; even the loungers are gone, the fan-flirting Spanish
+ladies, the sallow black-eyed children, and the trim white-jacketed dandies. A
+fife is heard from some craft at roost on the quiet waters somewhere; or a
+faint cheer from yonder black steamer at the Mole, which is about to set out on
+some night expedition. You forget that the town is at all like Wapping, and
+deliver yourself up entirely to romance; the sentries look noble pacing there,
+silent in the moonlight, and Sandy’s voice is quite musical as he challenges
+with a “Who goes there?”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“All’s Well” is very pleasant when sung decently in tune, and inspires noble
+and poetic ideas of duty, courage, and danger: but when you hear it shouted all
+the night through, accompanied by a clapping of muskets in a time of profound
+peace, the sentinel’s cry becomes no more romantic to the hearer than it is to
+the sandy Connaught-man or the bare-legged Highlander who delivers it. It is
+best to read about wars comfortably in Harry Lorrequer or Scott’s novels, in
+which knights shout their war-cries, and jovial Irish bayoneteers hurrah,
+without depriving you of any blessed rest. Men of a different way of thinking,
+however, can suit themselves perfectly at Gibraltar; where there is marching
+and counter- marching, challenging and relieving guard all the night through.
+And not here in Commercial Square alone, but all over the huge Rock in the
+darkness—all through the mysterious zig-zags, and round the dark cannon-ball
+pyramids, and along the vast rock-galleries, and up to the topmost flagstaff,
+where the sentry can look out over two seas, poor fellows are marching and
+clapping muskets, and crying “All’s Well,” dressed in cap and feather, in place
+of honest nightcaps best befitting the decent hours of sleep.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All these martial noises three of us heard to the utmost advantage, lying on
+iron bedsteads at the time in a cracked old room on the ground-floor, the open
+windows of which looked into the square. No spot could be more favourably
+selected for watching the humours of a garrison town by night. About midnight,
+the door hard by us was visited by a party of young officers, who having had
+quite as much drink as was good for them, were naturally inclined for more; and
+when we remonstrated through the windows, one of them in a young tipsy voice
+asked after our mothers, and finally reeled away. How charming is the
+conversation of high-spirited youth! I don’t know whether the guard got hold of
+them: but certainly if a civilian had been hiccuping through the streets at
+that hour, he would have been carried off to the guard-house, and left to the
+mercy of the mosquitoes there, and had up before the Governor in the morning.
+The young man in the coffee-room tells me he goes to sleep every night with the
+keys of Gibraltar under his pillow. It is an awful image, and somehow completes
+the notion of the slumbering fortress. Fancy Sir Robert Wilson, his nose just
+visible over the sheets, his night-cap and the huge key (you see the very
+identical one in Reynolds’s portrait of Lord Heathfield) peeping out from under
+the bolster!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If I entertain you with accounts of inns and nightcaps it is because I am more
+familiar with these subjects than with history and fortifications: as far as I
+can understand the former, Gibraltar is the great British depot for smuggling
+goods into the Peninsula. You see vessels lying in the harbour, and are told in
+so many words they are smugglers: all those smart Spaniards with cigar and
+mantles are smugglers, and run tobaccos and cotton into Catalonia; all the
+respected merchants of the place are smugglers. The other day a Spanish revenue
+vessel was shot to death under the thundering great guns of the fort, for
+neglecting to bring to, but it so happened that it was in chase of a smuggler:
+in this little corner of her dominions Britain proclaims war to custom-houses,
+and protection to free trade. Perhaps ere a very long day, England may be
+acting that part towards the world, which Gibraltar performs towards Spain now;
+and the last war in which we shall ever engage may be a custom-house war. For
+once establish railroads and abolish preventive duties through Europe, and what
+is there left to fight for? It will matter very little then under what flag
+people live, and foreign ministers and ambassadors may enjoy a dignified
+sinecure; the army will rise to the rank of peaceful constables, not having any
+more use for their bayonets than those worthy people have for their weapons now
+who accompany the law at assizes under the name of javelin-men. The apparatus
+of bombs and eighty-four- pounders may disappear from the Alameda, and the
+crops of cannon- balls which now grow there may give place to other plants more
+pleasant to the eye; and the great key of Gibraltar may be left in the gate for
+anybody to turn at will, and Sir Robert Wilson may sleep in quiet.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am afraid I thought it was rather a release, when, having made up our minds
+to examine the Rock in detail and view the magnificent excavations and
+galleries, the admiration of all military men, and the terror of any enemies
+who may attack the fortress, we received orders to embark forthwith in the
+“Tagus,” which was to early us to Malta and Constantinople. So we took leave of
+this famous Rock— this great blunderbuss—which we seized out of the hands of
+the natural owners a hundred and forty years ago, and which we have kept ever
+since tremendously loaded and cleaned and ready for use. To seize and have it
+is doubtless a gallant thing; it is like one of those tests of courage which
+one reads of in the chivalrous romances, when, for instance, Sir Huon of
+Bordeaux is called upon to prove his knighthood by going to Babylon and pulling
+out the Sultan’s beard and front teeth in the midst of his Court there. But,
+after all, justice must confess it was rather hard on the poor Sultan. If we
+had the Spaniards established at Land’s End, with impregnable Spanish
+fortifications on St. Michael’s Mount, we should perhaps come to the same
+conclusion. Meanwhile let us hope, during this long period of deprivation, the
+Sultan of Spain is reconciled to the loss of his front teeth and bristling
+whiskers— let us even try to think that he is better without them. At all
+events, right or wrong, whatever may be our title to the property, there is no
+Englishman but must think with pride of the manner in which his countrymen have
+kept it, and of the courage, endurance, and sense of duty with which stout old
+Eliott and his companions resisted Crillon and the Spanish battering ships and
+his fifty thousand men. There seems to be something more noble in the success
+of a gallant resistance than of an attack, however brave. After failing in his
+attack on the fort, the French General visited the English Commander who had
+foiled him, and parted from him and his garrison in perfect politeness and
+good-humour. The English troops, Drinkwater says, gave him thundering cheers as
+he went away, and the French in return complimented us on our gallantry, and
+lauded the humanity of our people. If we are to go on murdering each other in
+the old-fashioned way, what a pity it is that our battles cannot end in the
+old-fashioned way too!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One of our fellow-travellers, who had written a book, and had suffered
+considerably from sea-sickness during our passage along the coasts of France
+and Spain, consoled us all by saying that the very minute we got into the
+Mediterranean we might consider ourselves entirely free from illness; and, in
+fact, that it was unheard of in the Inland Sea. Even in the Bay of Gibraltar
+the water looked bluer than anything I have ever seen—except Miss Smith’s eyes.
+I thought, somehow, the delicious faultless azure never could look angry—just
+like the eyes before alluded to—and under this assurance we passed the Strait,
+and began coasting the African shore calmly and without the least apprehension,
+as if we were as much used to the tempest as Mr. T. P. Cooke.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But when, in spite of the promise of the man who had written the book, we found
+ourselves worse than in the worst part of the Bay of Biscay, or off the
+storm-lashed rocks of Finisterre, we set down the author in question as a gross
+impostor, and had a mind to quarrel with him for leading us into this cruel
+error. The most provoking part of the matter, too, was, that the sky was
+deliciously clear and cloudless, the air balmy, the sea so insultingly blue
+that it seemed as if we had no right to be ill at all, and that the innumerable
+little waves that frisked round about our keel were enjoying an anerithmon
+gelasma (this is one of my four Greek quotations: depend on it I will manage to
+introduce the other three before the tour is done)—seemed to be enjoying, I
+say, the above-named Greek quotation at our expense. Here is the dismal log of
+Wednesday, 4th of September: —“All attempts at dining very fruitless. Basins in
+requisition. Wind hard ahead. Que diable allais-je faire dans cette galere?
+Writing or thinking impossible: so read ‘Letters from the AEgean.’” These brief
+words give, I think, a complete idea of wretchedness, despair, remorse, and
+prostration of soul and body. Two days previously we passed the forts and moles
+and yellow buildings of Algiers, rising very stately from the sea, and skirted
+by gloomy purple lines of African shore, with fires smoking in the mountains,
+and lonely settlements here and there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On the 5th, to the inexpressible joy of all, we reached Valetta, the entrance
+to the harbour of which is one of the most stately and agreeable scenes ever
+admired by sea-sick traveller. The small basin was busy with a hundred ships,
+from the huge guard-ship, which lies there a city in itself;—merchantmen
+loading and crews cheering, under all the flags of the world flaunting in the
+sunshine; a half-score of busy black steamers perpetually coming and going,
+coaling and painting, and puffing and hissing in and out of harbour; slim
+men-of-war’s barges shooting to and fro, with long shining oars flashing like
+wings over the water; hundreds of painted town-boats, with high heads and white
+awnings,—down to the little tubs in which some naked, tawny young beggars came
+paddling up to the steamer, entreating us to let them dive for halfpence. Round
+this busy blue water rise rocks, blazing in sunshine, and covered with every
+imaginable device of fortification; to the right, St. Elmo, with flag and
+lighthouse; and opposite, the Military Hospital, looking like a palace; and all
+round, the houses of the city, for its size the handsomest and most stately in
+the world.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Nor does it disappoint you on a closer inspection, as many a foreign town does.
+The streets are thronged with a lively comfortable-looking population; the poor
+seem to inhabit handsome stone palaces, with balconies and projecting windows
+of heavy carved stone. The lights and shadows, the cries and stenches, the
+fruit-shops and fish-stalls, the dresses and chatter of all nations; the
+soldiers in scarlet, and women in black mantillas; the beggars, boat-men,
+barrels of pickled herrings and macaroni; the shovel-hatted priests and bearded
+capuchins; the tobacco, grapes, onions, and sunshine; the signboards,
+bottled-porter stores, the statues of saints and little chapels which jostle
+the stranger’s eyes as he goes up the famous stairs from the Water-gate, make a
+scene of such pleasant confusion and liveliness as I have never witnessed
+before. And the effect of the groups of multitudinous actors in this busy
+cheerful drama is heightened, as it were, by the decorations of the stage. The
+sky is delightfully brilliant; all the houses and ornaments are stately; castle
+and palaces are rising all around; and the flag, towers, and walls of Fort St.
+Elmo look as fresh and magnificent as if they had been erected only yesterday.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Strada Reale has a much more courtly appearance than that one described.
+Here are palaces, churches, court-houses and libraries, the genteel London
+shops, and the latest articles of perfumery. Gay young officers are strolling
+about in shell-jackets much too small for them: midshipmen are clattering by on
+hired horses; squads of priests, habited after the fashion of Don Basilio in
+the opera, are demurely pacing to and fro; professional beggars run shrieking
+after the stranger; and agents for horses, for inns, and for worse places
+still, follow him and insinuate the excellence of their goods. The houses where
+they are selling carpet-bags and pomatum were the palaces of the successors of
+the goodliest company of gallant knights the world ever heard tell of. It seems
+unromantic; but THESE were not the romantic Knights of St. John. The heroic
+days of the Order ended as the last Turkish galley lifted anchor after the
+memorable siege. The present stately houses were built in times of peace and
+splendour and decay. I doubt whether the Auberge de Provence, where the “Union
+Club” flourishes now, has ever seen anything more romantic than the pleasant
+balls held in the great room there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Church of St. John, not a handsome structure without, is magnificent
+within: a noble hall covered with a rich embroidery of gilded carving, the
+chapels of the different nations on either side, but not interfering with the
+main structure, of which the whole is simple, and the details only splendid; it
+seemed to me a fitting place for this wealthy body of aristocratic soldiers,
+who made their devotions as it were on parade, and, though on their knees,
+never forgot their epaulets or their quarters of nobility. This mixture of
+religion and worldly pride seems incongruous at first; but have we not at
+church at home similar relics of feudal ceremony?—the verger with the silver
+mace who precedes the vicar to the desk; the two chaplains of my Lord
+Archbishop, who bow over his Grace as he enters the communion-table gate; even
+poor John, who follows my Lady with a coroneted prayer-book, and makes his
+conge as he hands it into the pew. What a chivalrous absurdity is the banner of
+some high and mighty prince, hanging over his stall in Windsor Chapel, when you
+think of the purpose for which men are supposed to assemble there! The Church
+of the Knights of St. John is paved over with sprawling heraldic devices of the
+dead gentlemen of the dead Order; as if, in the next world, they expected to
+take rank in conformity with their pedigrees, and would be marshalled into
+heaven according to the orders of precedence. Cumbrous handsome paintings adorn
+the walls and chapels, decorated with pompous monuments of Grand Masters.
+Beneath is a crypt, where more of these honourable and reverend warriors lie,
+in a state that a Simpson would admire. In the altar are said to lie three of
+the most gallant relics in the world: the keys of Acre, Rhodes, and Jerusalem.
+What blood was shed in defending these emblems! What faith, endurance, genius,
+and generosity; what pride, hatred, ambition, and savage lust of blood were
+roused together for their guardianship!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the lofty halls and corridors of the Governor’s house, some portraits of the
+late Grand Masters still remain: a very fine one, by Caravaggio, of a knight in
+gilt armour, hangs in the dining- room, near a full-length of poor Louis XVI.,
+in Royal robes, the very picture of uneasy impotency. But the portrait of De
+Vignacourt is the only one which has a respectable air; the other chiefs of the
+famous Society are pompous old gentlemen in black, with huge periwigs, and
+crowns round their hats, and a couple of melancholy pages in yellow and red.
+But pages and wigs and Grand Masters have almost faded out of the canvas, and
+are vanishing into Hades with a most melancholy indistinctness. The names of
+most of these gentlemen, however, live as yet in the forts of the place, which
+all seem to have been eager to build and christen: so that it seems as if, in
+the Malta mythology, they had been turned into freestone.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the armoury is the very suit painted by Caravaggio, by the side of the
+armour of the noble old La Valette, whose heroism saved his island from the
+efforts of Mustapha and Dragut, and an army quite as fierce and numerous as
+that which was baffled before Gibraltar, by similar courage and resolution. The
+sword of the last-named famous corsair (a most truculent little scimitar),
+thousands of pikes and halberts, little old cannons and wall-pieces, helmets
+and cuirasses, which the knights or their people wore, are trimly arranged
+against the wall, and, instead of spiking Turks or arming warriors, now serve
+to point morals and adorn tales. And here likewise are kept many thousand
+muskets, swords, and boarding-pikes for daily use, and a couple of ragged old
+standards of one of the English regiments, who pursued and conquered in Egypt
+the remains of the haughty and famous French republican army, at whose
+appearance the last knights of Malta flung open the gates of all their
+fortresses, and consented to be extinguished without so much as a remonstrance,
+or a kick, or a struggle.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We took a drive into what may be called the country; where the fields are
+rocks, and the hedges are stones—passing by the stone gardens of the Florian,
+and wondering at the number and handsomeness of the stone villages and churches
+rising everywhere among the stony hills. Handsome villas were passed
+everywhere, and we drove for a long distance along the sides of an aqueduct,
+quite a Royal work of the Caravaggio in gold armour, the Grand Master De
+Vignacourt. A most agreeable contrast to the arid rocks of the general scenery
+was the garden at the Governor’s country-house; with the orange-trees and
+water, its beautiful golden grapes, luxuriant flowers, and thick cool
+shrubberies. The eye longs for this sort of refreshment, after being seared
+with the hot glare of the general country; and St. Antonio was as pleasant
+after Malta as Malta was after the sea.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We paid the island a subsequent visit in November, passing seventeen days at an
+establishment called Fort Manuel there, and by punsters the Manuel des
+Voyageurs; where Government accommodates you with quarters; where the
+authorities are so attentive as to scent your letters with aromatic vinegar
+before you receive them, and so careful of your health as to lock you up in
+your room every night lest you should walk in your sleep, and so over the
+battlements into the sea—if you escaped drowning in the sea, the sentries on
+the opposite shore would fire at you, hence the nature of the precaution. To
+drop, however, this satirical strain: those who know what quarantine is, may
+fancy that the place somehow becomes unbearable in which it has been endured.
+And though the November climate of Malta is like the most delicious May in
+England, and though there is every gaiety and amusement in the town, a
+comfortable little opera, a good old library filled full of good old books
+(none of your works of modern science, travel, and history, but good old
+USELESS books of the last two centuries), and nobody to trouble you in reading
+them, and though the society of Valetta is most hospitable, varied, and
+agreeable, yet somehow one did not feel SAFE in the island, with perpetual
+glimpses of Fort Manuel from the opposite shore; and, lest the quarantine
+authorities should have a fancy to fetch one back again, on a pretext of
+posthumous plague, we made our way to Naples by the very first
+opportunity—those who remained, that is, of the little Eastern Expedition. They
+were not all there. The Giver of life and death had removed two of our company:
+one was left behind to die in Egypt, with a mother to bewail his loss, another
+we buried in the dismal lazaretto cemetery.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+* * *
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One is bound to look at this, too, as a part of our journey. Disease and death
+are knocking perhaps at your next cabin door. Your kind and cheery companion
+has ridden his last ride and emptied his last glass beside you. And while fond
+hearts are yearning for him far away, and his own mind, if conscious, is
+turning eagerly towards the spot of the world whither affection or interest
+calls it—the Great Father summons the anxious spirit from earth to himself, and
+ordains that the nearest and dearest shall meet here no more.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Such an occurrence as a death in a lazaretto, mere selfishness renders
+striking. We were walking with him but two days ago on deck. One has a sketch
+of him, another his card, with the address written yesterday, and given with an
+invitation to come and see him at home in the country, where his children are
+looking for him. He is dead in a day, and buried in the walls of the prison. A
+doctor felt his pulse by deputy—a clergyman comes from the town to read the
+last service over him—and the friends, who attend his funeral, are marshalled
+by lazaretto-guardians, so as not to touch each other. Every man goes back to
+his room and applies the lesson to himself. One would not so depart without
+seeing again the dear dear faces. We reckon up those we love: they are but very
+few, but I think one loves them better than ever now. Should it be your turn
+next?—and why not? Is it pity or comfort to think of that affection which
+watches and survives you?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Maker has linked together the whole race of man with this chain of love. I
+like to think that there is no man but has had kindly feelings for some other,
+and he for his neighbour, until we bind together the whole family of Adam. Nor
+does it end here. It joins heaven and earth together. For my friend or my child
+of past days is still my friend or my child to me here, or in the home prepared
+for us by the Father of all. If identity survives the grave, as our faith tells
+us, is it not a consolation to think that there may be one or two souls among
+the purified and just, whose affection watches us invisible, and follows the
+poor sinner on earth?
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0005"></a>
+CHAPTER V<br/>
+ATHENS</h2>
+
+<p>
+Not feeling any enthusiasm myself about Athens, my bounden duty of course is
+clear, to sneer and laugh heartily at all who have. In fact, what business has
+a lawyer, who was in Pump Court this day three weeks, and whose common reading
+is law reports or the newspaper, to pretend to fall in love for the long
+vacation with mere poetry, of which I swear a great deal is very doubtful, and
+to get up an enthusiasm quite foreign to his nature and usual calling in life?
+What call have ladies to consider Greece “romantic,” they who get their notions
+of mythology from the well-known pages of “Tooke’s Pantheon”? What is the
+reason that blundering Yorkshire squires, young dandies from Corfu regiments,
+jolly sailors from ships in the harbour, and yellow old Indians returning from
+Bundelcund, should think proper to be enthusiastic about a country of which
+they know nothing; the mere physical beauty of which they cannot, for the most
+part, comprehend; and because certain characters lived in it two thousand four
+hundred years ago? What have these people in common with Pericles, what have
+these ladies in common with Aspasia (O fie)? Of the race of Englishmen who come
+wandering about the tomb of Socrates, do you think the majority would not have
+voted to hemlock him? Yes: for the very same superstition which leads men by
+the nose now, drove them onward in the days when the lowly husband of Xantippe
+died for daring to think simply and to speak the truth. I know of no quality
+more magnificent in fools than their faith: that perfect consciousness they
+have, that they are doing virtuous and meritorious actions, when they are
+performing acts of folly, murdering Socrates, or pelting Aristides with holy
+oyster-shells—all for Virtue’s sake; and a “History of Dulness in all Ages of
+the World,” is a book which a philosopher would surely be hanged, but as
+certainly blessed, for writing.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If papa and mamma (honour be to them!) had not followed the faith of their
+fathers, and thought proper to send away their only beloved son (afterwards to
+be celebrated under the name of Titmarsh) into ten years’ banishment of
+infernal misery, tyranny, annoyance; to give over the fresh feelings of the
+heart of the little Michael Angelo to the discipline of vulgar bullies, who, in
+order to lead tender young children to the Temple of Learning (as they do in
+the spelling-books), drive them on with clenched fists and low abuse; if they
+fainted, revive them with a thump, or assailed them with a curse; if they were
+miserable, consoled them with a brutal jeer—if, I say, my dear parents, instead
+of giving me the inestimable benefit of a ten years’ classical education, had
+kept me at home with my dear thirteen sisters, it is probable I should have
+liked this country of Attica, in sight of the blue shores of which the present
+pathetic letter is written; but I was made so miserable in youth by a classical
+education, that all connected with it is disagreeable in my eyes; and I have
+the same recollection of Greek in youth that I have of castor-oil.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So in coming in sight of the promontory of Sunium, where the Greek Muse, in an
+awful vision, came to me, and said in a patronising way, “Why, my dear” (she
+always, the old spinster, adopts this high and mighty tone)—“Why, my dear, are
+you not charmed to be in this famous neighbourhood, in this land of poets and
+heroes, of whose history your classical education ought to have made you a
+master? if it did not, you have wofully neglected your opportunities, and your
+dear parents have wasted their money in sending you to school.” I replied,
+“Madam, your company in youth was made so laboriously disagreeable to me, that
+I can’t at present reconcile myself to you in age. I read your poets, but it
+was in fear and trembling; and a cold sweat is but an ill accompaniment to
+poetry. I blundered through your histories; but history is so dull (saving your
+presence) of herself, that when the brutal dulness of a schoolmaster is
+superadded to her own slow conversation, the union becomes intolerable: hence I
+have not the slightest pleasure in renewing my acquaintance with a lady who has
+been the source of so much bodily and mental discomfort to me.” To make a long
+story short, I am anxious to apologise for a want of enthusiasm in the
+classical line, and to excuse an ignorance which is of the most undeniable
+sort.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This is an improper frame of mind for a person visiting the land of AEschylus
+and Euripides; add to which, we have been abominably overcharged at the inn:
+and what are the blue hills of Attica, the silver calm basin of Piraeus, the
+heathery heights of Pentelicus, and yonder rocks crowned by the Doric columns
+of the Parthenon, and the thin Ionic shafts of the Erechtheum, to a man who has
+had little rest, and is bitten all over by bugs? Was Alcibiades bitten by bugs,
+I wonder; and did the brutes crawl over him as he lay in the rosy arms of
+Phryne? I wished all night for Socrates’s hammock or basket, as it is described
+in the “Clouds;” in which resting- place, no doubt, the abominable animals kept
+perforce clear of him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A French man-of-war, lying in the silvery little harbour, sternly eyeing out of
+its stern portholes a saucy little English corvette beside, began playing
+sounding marches as a crowd of boats came paddling up to the steamer’s side to
+convey us travellers to shore. There were Russian schooners and Greek brigs
+lying in this little bay; dumpy little windmills whirling round on the sunburnt
+heights round about it; an improvised town of quays and marine taverns has
+sprung up on the shore; a host of jingling barouches, more miserable than any
+to be seen even in Germany, were collected at the landing-place; and the Greek
+drivers (how queer they looked in skull-caps, shabby jackets with profuse
+embroidery of worsted, and endless petticoats of dirty calico!) began, in a
+generous ardour for securing passengers, to abuse each other’s horses and
+carriages in the regular London fashion. Satire could certainly hardly
+caricature the vehicle in which we were made to journey to Athens; and it was
+only by thinking that, bad as they were, these coaches were much more
+comfortable contrivances than any Alcibiades or Cimon ever had, that we
+consoled ourselves along the road. It was flat for six miles along the plain to
+the city: and you see for the greater part of the way the purple mount on which
+the Acropolis rises, and the gleaming houses of the town spread beneath. Round
+this wide, yellow, barren plain,—a stunted district of olive-trees is almost
+the only vegetation visible—there rises, as it were, a sort of chorus of the
+most beautiful mountains; the most elegant, gracious, and noble the eye ever
+looked on. These hills did not appear at all lofty or terrible, but superbly
+rich and aristocratic. The clouds were dancing round about them; you could see
+their rosy purple shadows sweeping round the clear serene summits of the hill.
+To call a hill aristocratic seems affected or absurd; but the difference
+between these hills and the others, is the difference between Newgate Prison
+and the Travellers’ Club, for instance: both are buildings; but the one stern,
+dark, and coarse; the other rich, elegant, and festive. At least, so I thought.
+With such a stately palace as munificent Nature had built for these people,
+what could they be themselves but lordly, beautiful, brilliant, brave, and
+wise? We saw four Greeks on donkeys on the road (which is a dust-whirlwind
+where it is not a puddle); and other four were playing with a dirty pack of
+cards, at a barrack that English poets have christened the “Half-way House.”
+Does external nature and beauty influence the soul to good? You go about
+Warwickshire, and fancy that from merely being born and wandering in those
+sweet sunny plains and fresh woodlands Shakspeare must have drunk in a portion
+of that frank artless sense of beauty which lies about his works like a bloom
+or dew; but a Coventry ribbon-maker, or a slang Leamington squire, are looking
+on those very same landscapes too, and what do they profit? You theorise about
+the influence which the climate and appearance of Attica must have had in
+ennobling those who were born there: yonder dirty, swindling, ragged
+blackguards, lolling over greasy cards three hours before noon, quarrelling and
+shrieking, armed to the teeth and afraid to fight, are bred out of the same
+land which begot the philosophers and heroes. But the “Half-way House” is
+passed by this time, and behold! we are in the capital of King Otho.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I swear solemnly that I would rather have two hundred a year in Fleet Street,
+than be King of the Greeks, with Basileus written before my name round their
+beggarly coin; with the bother of perpetual revolutions in my huge
+plaster-of-Paris palace, with no amusement but a drive in the afternoon over a
+wretched arid country, where roads are not made, with ambassadors (the deuce
+knows why, for what good can the English, or the French, or the Russian party
+get out of such a bankrupt alliance as this?) perpetually pulling and tugging
+at me, away from honest Germany, where there is beer and aesthetic
+conversation, and operas at a small cost. The shabbiness of this place actually
+beats Ireland, and that is a strong word. The palace of the Basileus is an
+enormous edifice of plaster, in a square containing six houses, three donkeys,
+no roads, no fountains (except in the picture of the inn); backwards it seems
+to look straight to the mountain—on one side is a beggarly garden—the King goes
+out to drive (revolutions permitting) at five—some four-and-twenty blackguards
+saunter up to the huge sandhill of a terrace, as His Majesty passes by in a
+gilt barouche and an absurd fancy dress; the gilt barouche goes plunging down
+the sandhills; the two dozen soldiers, who have been presenting arms, slouch
+off to their quarters; the vast barrack of a palace remains entirely white,
+ghastly, and lonely; and, save the braying of a donkey now and then (which
+long-eared minstrels are more active and sonorous in Athens than in any place I
+know), all is entirely silent round Basileus’s palace. How could people who
+knew Leopold fancy he would be so “jolly green” as to take such a berth? It was
+only a gobemouche of a Bavarian that could ever have been induced to accept it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I beseech you to believe that it was not the bill and the bugs at the inn which
+induced the writer hereof to speak so slightingly of the residence of Basileus.
+These evils are now cured and forgotten. This is written off the leaden flats
+and mounds which they call the Troad. It is stern justice alone which
+pronounces this excruciating sentence. It was a farce to make this place into a
+kingly capital; and I make no manner of doubt that King Otho, the very day he
+can get away unperceived, and get together the passage- money, will be off for
+dear old Deutschland, Fatherland, Beerland!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have never seen a town in England which may be compared to this; for though
+Herne Bay is a ruin now, money was once spent upon it and houses built; here,
+beyond a few score of mansions comfortably laid out, the town is little better
+than a rickety agglomeration of larger and smaller huts, tricked out here and
+there with the most absurd cracked ornaments and cheap attempts at elegance.
+But neatness is the elegance of poverty, and these people despise such a homely
+ornament. I have got a map with squares, fountains, theatres, public gardens,
+and Places d’Othon marked out; but they only exist in the paper capital—the
+wretched tumble-down wooden one boasts of none.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One is obliged to come back to the old disagreeable comparison of Ireland.
+Athens may be about as wealthy a place as Carlow or Killarney—the streets swarm
+with idle crowds, the innumerable little lanes flow over with dirty little
+children, they are playing and puddling about in the dirt everywhere, with
+great big eyes, yellow faces, and the queerest little gowns and skull-caps. But
+in the outer man, the Greek has far the advantage of the Irishman: most of them
+are well and decently dressed (if five-and-twenty yards of petticoat may not be
+called decent, what may?), they swagger to and fro with huge knives in their
+girdles. Almost all the men are handsome, but live hard, it is said, in order
+to decorate their backs with those fine clothes of theirs. I have seen but two
+or three handsome women, and these had the great drawback which is common to
+the race—I mean, a sallow, greasy, coarse complexion, at which it was not
+advisable to look too closely.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And on this score I think we English may pride ourselves on possessing an
+advantage (by WE, I mean the lovely ladies to whom this is addressed with the
+most respectful compliments) over the most classical country in the world. I
+don’t care for beauty which will only bear to be looked at from a distance,
+like a scene in a theatre. What is the most beautiful nose in the world, if it
+be covered with a skin of the texture and colour of coarse whitey- brown paper;
+and if Nature has made it as slippery and shining as though it had been
+anointed with pomatum? They may talk about beauty, but would you wear a flower
+that had been dipped in a grease-pot? No; give me a fresh, dewy, healthy rose
+out of Somersetshire; not one of those superb, tawdry, unwholesome exotics,
+which are only good to make poems about. Lord Byron wrote more cant of this
+sort than any poet I know of. Think of “the peasant girls with dark blue eyes”
+of the Rhine—the brown-faced, flat-nosed, thick-lipped, dirty wenches! Think of
+“filling high a cup of Samian wine;” small beer is nectar compared to it, and
+Byron himself always drank gin. That man never wrote from his heart. He got up
+rapture and enthusiasm with an eye to the public; but this is dangerous ground,
+even more dangerous than to look Athens full in the face, and say that your
+eyes are not dazzled by its beauty. The Great Public admires Greece and Byron:
+the public knows best. Murray’s “Guide-book” calls the latter “our native
+bard.” Our native bard! Mon Dieu! HE Shakspeare’s, Milton’s, Keats’s, Scott’s
+native bard! Well, woe be to the man who denies the public gods!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The truth is, then, that Athens is a disappointment; and I am angry that it
+should be so. To a skilled antiquarian, or an enthusiastic Greek scholar, the
+feelings created by a sight of the place of course will be different; but you
+who would be inspired by it must undergo a long preparation of reading, and
+possess, too, a particular feeling; both of which, I suspect, are uncommon in
+our busy commercial newspaper-reading country. Men only say they are
+enthusiastic about the Greek and Roman authors and history, because it is
+considered proper and respectable. And we know how gentlemen in Baker Street
+have editions of the classics handsomely bound in the library, and how they use
+them. Of course they don’t retire to read the newspaper; it is to look over a
+favourite ode of Pindar, or to discuss an obscure passage in Athenaeus! Of
+course country magistrates and Members of Parliament are always studying
+Demosthenes and Cicero; we know it from their continual habit of quoting the
+Latin grammar in Parliament. But it is agreed that the classics are
+respectable; therefore we are to be enthusiastic about them. Also let us admit
+that Byron is to be held up as “our native bard.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am not so entire a heathen as to be insensible to the beauty of those relics
+of Greek art, of which men much more learned and enthusiastic have written such
+piles of descriptions. I thought I could recognise the towering beauty of the
+prodigious columns of the Temple of Jupiter; and admire the astonishing grace,
+severity, elegance, completeness of the Parthenon. The little Temple of
+Victory, with its fluted Corinthian shafts, blazed under the sun almost as
+fresh as it must have appeared to the eyes of its founders; I saw nothing more
+charming and brilliant, more graceful, festive, and aristocratic than this
+sumptuous little building. The Roman remains which lie in the town below look
+like the works of barbarians beside these perfect structures. They jar
+strangely on the eye, after it has been accustoming itself to perfect harmony
+and proportions. If, as the schoolmaster tells us, the Greek writing is as
+complete as the Greek art; if an ode of Pindar is as glittering and pure as the
+Temple of Victory; or a discourse of Plato as polished and calm as yonder
+mystical portico of the Erechtheum: what treasures of the senses and delights
+of the imagination have those lost to whom the Greek books are as good as
+sealed!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And yet one meets with very dull first-class men. Genius won’t transplant from
+one brain to another, or is ruined in the carriage, like fine Burgundy. Sir
+Robert Peel and Sir John Hobhouse are both good scholars; but their poetry in
+Parliament does not strike one as fine. Muzzle, the schoolmaster, who is
+bullying poor trembling little boys, was a fine scholar when he was a sizar,
+and a ruffian then and ever since. Where is the great poet, since the days of
+Milton, who has improved the natural offshoots of his brain by grafting it from
+the Athenian tree?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had a volume of Tennyson in my pocket, which somehow settled that question,
+and ended the querulous dispute between me and Conscience, under the shape of
+the neglected and irritated Greek muse, which had been going on ever since I
+had commenced my walk about Athens. The old spinster saw me wince at the idea
+of the author of Dora and Ulysses, and tried to follow up her advantage by
+farther hints of time lost, and precious opportunities thrown away. “You might
+have written poems like them,” said she; “or, no, not like them perhaps, but
+you might have done a neat prize poem, and pleased your papa and mamma. You
+might have translated Jack and Jill into Greek iambics, and been a credit to
+your college.” I turned testily away from her. “Madam,” says I, “because an
+eagle houses on a mountain, or soars to the sun, don’t you be angry with a
+sparrow that perches on a garret window, or twitters on a twig. Leave me to
+myself: look, my beak is not aquiline by any means.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And so, my dear friend, you who have been reading this last page in wonder, and
+who, instead of a description of Athens, have been accommodated with a lament
+on the part of the writer, that he was idle at school, and does not know Greek,
+excuse this momentary outbreak of egotistic despondency. To say truth, dear
+Jones, when one walks among the nests of the eagles, and sees the prodigious
+eggs they laid, a certain feeling of discomfiture must come over us smaller
+birds. You and I could not invent—it even stretches our minds painfully to try
+and comprehend part of the beauty of the Parthenon—ever so little of it,—the
+beauty of a single column,—a fragment of a broken shaft lying under the
+astonishing blue sky there, in the midst of that unrivalled landscape. There
+may be grander aspects of nature, but none more deliciously beautiful. The
+hills rise in perfect harmony, and fall in the most exquisite cadences—the sea
+seems brighter, the islands more purple, the clouds more light and rosy than
+elsewhere. As you look up through the open roof, you are almost oppressed by
+the serene depth of the blue overhead. Look even at the fragments of the
+marble, how soft and pure it is, glittering and white like fresh snow! “I was
+all beautiful,” it seems to say: “even the hidden parts of me were spotless,
+precious, and fair”—and so, musing over this wonderful scene, perhaps I get
+some feeble glimpse or idea of that ancient Greek spirit which peopled it with
+sublime races of heroes and gods; {1} and which I never could get out of a
+Greek book,—no, not though Muzzle flung it at my head.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0006"></a>
+CHAPTER VI<br/>
+SMYRNA—FIRST GLIMPSES OF THE EAST</h2>
+
+<p>
+I am glad that the Turkish part of Athens was extinct, so that I should not be
+baulked of the pleasure of entering an Eastern town by an introduction to any
+garbled or incomplete specimen of one. Smyrna seems to me the most Eastern of
+all I have seen; as Calais will probably remain to the Englishman the most
+French town in the world. The jack-boots of the postilions don’t seem so huge
+elsewhere, or the tight stockings of the maid-servants so Gallic. The churches
+and the ramparts, and the little soldiers on them, remain for ever impressed
+upon your memory; from which larger temples and buildings, and whole armies
+have subsequently disappeared: and the first words of actual French heard
+spoken, and the first dinner at “Quillacq’s,” remain after twenty years as
+clear as on the first day. Dear Jones, can’t you remember the exact smack of
+the white hermitage, and the toothless old fellow singing “Largo al factotum”?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The first day in the East is like that. After that there is nothing. The wonder
+is gone, and the thrill of that delightful shock, which so seldom touches the
+nerves of plain men of the world, though they seek for it everywhere. One such
+looked out at Smyrna from our steamer, and yawned without the least excitement,
+and did not betray the slightest emotion, as boats with real Turks on board
+came up to the ship. There lay the town with minarets and cypresses, domes and
+castles; great guns were firing off, and the blood-red flag of the Sultan
+flaring over the fort ever since sunrise; woods and mountains came down to the
+gulf’s edge, and as you looked at them with the telescope, there peeped out of
+the general mass a score of pleasant episodes of Eastern life—there were
+cottages with quaint roofs; silent cool kiosks, where the chief of the eunuchs
+brings down the ladies of the harem. I saw Hassan, the fisherman, getting his
+nets; and Ali Baba going off with his donkey to the great forest for wood.
+Smith looked at these wonders quite unmoved; and I was surprised at his apathy;
+but he had been at Smyrna before. A man only sees the miracle once; though you
+yearn over it ever so, it won’t come again. I saw nothing of Ali Baba and
+Hassan the next time we came to Smyrna, and had some doubts (recollecting the
+badness of the inn) about landing at all. A person who wishes to understand
+France or the East should come in a yacht to Calais or Smyrna, land for two
+hours, and never afterwards go back again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But those two hours are beyond measure delightful. Some of us were querulous up
+to that time, and doubted of the wisdom of making the voyage. Lisbon, we owned,
+was a failure; Athens a dead failure; Malta very well, but not worth the
+trouble and sea-sickness: in fact, Baden-Baden or Devonshire would be a better
+move than this; when Smyrna came, and rebuked all mutinous Cockneys into
+silence. Some men may read this who are in want of a sensation. If they love
+the odd and picturesque, if they loved the “Arabian Nights” in their youth, let
+them book themselves on board one of the Peninsular and Oriental vessels, and
+try one DIP into Constantinople or Smyrna. Walk into the bazaar, and the East
+is unveiled to you: how often and often have you tried to fancy this, lying out
+on a summer holiday at school! It is wonderful, too, how LIKE it is: you may
+imagine that you have been in the place before, you seem to know it so well!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The beauty of that poetry is, to me, that it was never too handsome; there is
+no fatigue of sublimity about it. Shacabac and the little Barber play as great
+a part in it as the heroes; there are no uncomfortable sensations of terror;
+you may be familiar with the great Afreet, who was going to execute the
+travellers for killing his son with a date-stone. Morgiana, when she kills the
+forty robbers with boiling oil, does not seem to hurt them in the least; and
+though King Schahriar makes a practice of cutting off his wives’ heads, yet you
+fancy they have got them on again in some of the back rooms of the palace,
+where they are dancing and playing on dulcimers. How fresh, easy, good-natured,
+is all this! How delightful is that notion of the pleasant Eastern people about
+knowledge, where the height of science is made to consist in the answering of
+riddles! and all the mathematicians and magicians bring their great beards to
+bear on a conundrum!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When I got into the bazaar among this race, somehow I felt as if they were all
+friends. There sat the merchants in their little shops, quiet and solemn, but
+with friendly looks. There was no smoking, it was the Ramazan; no eating, the
+fish and meat fizzing in the enormous pots of the cook-shops are only for the
+Christians. The children abounded; the law is not so stringent upon them, and
+many wandering merchants were there selling figs (in the name of the Prophet,
+doubtless) for their benefit, and elbowing onwards with baskets of grapes and
+cucumbers. Countrymen passed bristling over with arms, each with a huge
+bellyful of pistols and daggers in his girdle; fierce, but not the least
+dangerous. Wild swarthy Arabs, who had come in with the caravans, walked
+solemnly about, very different in look and demeanour from the sleek inhabitants
+of the town. Greeks and Jews squatted and smoked, their shops tended by
+sallow-faced boys, with large eyes, who smiled and welcomed you in; negroes
+bustled about in gaudy colours; and women, with black nose-bags and shuffling
+yellow slippers, chattered and bargained at the doors of the little shops.
+There was the rope quarter and the sweetmeat quarter, and the pipe bazaar and
+the arm bazaar, and the little turned-up shoe quarter, and the shops where
+ready-made jackets and pelisses were swinging, and the region where, under the
+ragged awning, regiments of tailors were at work. The sun peeps through these
+awnings of mat or canvas, which are hung over the narrow lanes of the bazaar,
+and ornaments them with a thousand freaks of light and shadow. Cogia Hassan
+Alhabbal’s shop is in a blaze of light; while his neighbour, the barber and
+coffee-house keeper, has his premises, his low seats and narghiles, his queer
+pots and basins, in the shade. The cobblers are always good- natured; there was
+one who, I am sure, has been revealed to me in my dreams, in a dirty old green
+turban, with a pleasant wrinkled face like an apple, twinkling his little grey
+eyes as he held them up to talk to the gossips, and smiling under a delightful
+old grey beard, which did the heart good to see. You divine the conversation
+between him and the cucumber-man, as the Sultan used to understand the language
+of birds. Are any of those cucumbers stuffed with pearls, and is that Armenian
+with the black square turban Haroun Alraschid in disguise, standing yonder by
+the fountain where the children are drinking—the gleaming marble fountain,
+chequered all over with light and shadow, and engraved with delicate arabesques
+and sentences from the Koran?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But the greatest sensation of all is when the camels come. Whole strings of
+real camels, better even than in the procession of Blue Beard, with soft
+rolling eyes and bended necks, swaying from one side of the bazaar to the other
+to and fro, and treading gingerly with their great feet. O you fairy dreams of
+boyhood! O you sweet meditations of half-holidays, here you are realised for
+half-an- hour! The genius which presides over youth led us to do a good action
+that day. There was a man sitting in an open room, ornamented with fine
+long-tailed sentences of the Koran: some in red, some in blue; some written
+diagonally over the paper; some so shaped as to represent ships, dragons, or
+mysterious animals. The man squatted on a carpet in the middle of this room,
+with folded arms, waggling his head to and fro, swaying about, and singing
+through his nose choice phrases from the sacred work. But from the room above
+came a clear noise of many little shouting voices, much more musical than that
+of Naso in the matted parlour, and the guide told us it was a school, so we
+went upstairs to look.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I declare, on my conscience, the master was in the act of bastinadoing a little
+mulatto boy; his feet were in a bar, and the brute was laying on with a cane;
+so we witnessed the howling of the poor boy, and the confusion of the brute who
+was administering the correction. The other children were made to shout, I
+believe, to drown the noise of their little comrade’s howling; but the
+punishment was instantly discontinued as our hats came up over the stair-trap,
+and the boy cast loose, and the bamboo huddled into a corner, and the
+schoolmaster stood before us abashed. All the small scholars in red caps, and
+the little girls in gaudy handkerchiefs, turned their big wondering dark eyes
+towards us; and the caning was over for THAT time, let us trust. I don’t envy
+some schoolmasters in a future state. I pity that poor little blubbering
+Mahometan: he will never be able to relish the “Arabian Nights” in the
+original, all his life long.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+From this scene we rushed off somewhat discomposed to make a breakfast off red
+mullets and grapes, melons, pomegranates, and Smyrna wine, at a dirty little
+comfortable inn, to which we were recommended: and from the windows of which we
+had a fine cheerful view of the gulf and its busy craft, and the loungers and
+merchants along the shore. There were camels unloading at one wharf, and piles
+of melons much bigger than the Gibraltar cannon-balls at another. It was the
+fig-season, and we passed through several alleys encumbered with long rows of
+fig-dressers, children and women for the most part, who were packing the fruit
+diligently into drums, dipping them in salt-water first, and spreading them
+neatly over with leaves; while the figs and leaves are drying, large white
+worms crawl out of them, and swarm over the decks of the ships which carry them
+to Europe and to England, where small children eat them with pleasure—I mean
+the figs, not the worms—and where they are still served at wine-parties at the
+Universities. When fresh they are not better than elsewhere; but the melons are
+of admirable flavour, and so large, that Cinderella might almost be
+accommodated with a coach made of a big one, without any very great distension
+of its original proportions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our guide, an accomplished swindler, demanded two dollars as the fee for
+entering the mosque, which others of our party subsequently saw for sixpence,
+so we did not care to examine that place of worship. But there were other
+cheaper sights, which were to the full as picturesque, for which there was no
+call to pay money, or, indeed, for a day, scarcely to move at all. I doubt
+whether a man who would smoke his pipe on a bazaar counter all day, and let the
+city flow by him, would not be almost as well employed as the most active
+curiosity-hunter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To be sure he would not see the women. Those in the bazaar were shabby people
+for the most part, whose black masks nobody would feel a curiosity to remove.
+You could see no more of their figures than if they had been stuffed in
+bolsters; and even their feet were brought to a general splay uniformity by the
+double yellow slippers which the wives of true believers wear. But it is in the
+Greek and Armenian quarters, and among those poor Christians who were pulling
+figs, that you see the beauties; and a man of a generous disposition may lose
+his heart half-a-dozen times a day in Smyrna. There was the pretty maid at work
+at a tambour-frame in an open porch, with an old duenna spinning by her side,
+and a goat tied up to the railings of the little court-garden; there was the
+nymph who came down the stair with the pitcher on her head, and gazed with
+great calm eyes, as large and stately as Juno’s; there was the gentle mother,
+bending over a queer cradle, in which lay a small crying bundle of infancy. All
+these three charmers were seen in a single street in the Armenian quarter,
+where the house-doors are all open, and the women of the families sit under the
+arches in the court. There was the fig-girl, beautiful beyond all others, with
+an immense coil of deep black hair twisted round a head of which Raphael was
+worthy to draw the outline and Titian to paint the colour. I wonder the Sultan
+has not swept her off, or that the Persian merchants, who come with silks and
+sweetmeats, have not kidnapped her for the Shah of Tehran.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We went to see the Persian merchants at their khan, and purchased some silks
+there from a swarthy black-bearded man, with a conical cap of lambswool. Is it
+not hard to think that silks bought of a man in a lambswool cap, in a
+caravanserai, brought hither on the backs of camels, should have been
+manufactured after all at Lyons? Others of our party bought carpets, for which
+the town is famous; and there was one who absolutely laid in a stock of real
+Smyrna figs; and purchased three or four real Smyrna sponges for his carriage;
+so strong was his passion for the genuine article.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I wonder that no painter has given us familiar views of the East: not
+processions, grand sultans, or magnificent landscapes; but faithful transcripts
+of everyday Oriental life, such as each street will supply to him. The camels
+afford endless motives, couched in the market-places, lying by thousands in the
+camel-square, snorting and bubbling after their manner, the sun blazing down on
+their backs, their slaves and keepers lying behind them in the shade: and the
+Caravan Bridge, above all, would afford a painter subjects for a dozen of
+pictures. Over this Roman arch, which crosses the Meles river, all the caravans
+pass on their entrance to the town. On one side, as we sat and looked at it,
+was a great row of plane- trees; on the opposite bank, a deep wood of tall
+cypresses—in the midst of which rose up innumerable grey tombs, surmounted with
+the turbans of the defunct believers. Beside the stream, the view was less
+gloomy. There was under the plane-trees a little coffee- house, shaded by a
+trellis-work, covered over with a vine, and ornamented with many rows of
+shining pots and water-pipes, for which there was no use at noon-day now, in
+the time of Ramazan. Hard by the coffee-house was a garden and a bubbling
+marble fountain, and over the stream was a broken summer-house, to which
+amateurs may ascend for the purpose of examining the river; and all round the
+plane-trees plenty of stools for those who were inclined to sit and drink sweet
+thick coffee, or cool lemonade made of fresh green citrons. The master of the
+house, dressed in a white turban and light blue pelisse, lolled under the
+coffee-house awning; the slave in white with a crimson striped jacket, his face
+as black as ebony, brought us pipes and lemonade again, and returned to his
+station at the coffee-house, where he curled his black legs together, and began
+singing out of his flat nose to the thrumming of a long guitar with wire
+strings. The instrument was not bigger than a soup-ladle, with a long straight
+handle, but its music pleased the performer; for his eyes rolled shining about,
+and his head wagged, and he grinned with an innocent intensity of enjoyment
+that did one good to look at. And there was a friend to share his pleasure: a
+Turk dressed in scarlet, and covered all over with daggers and pistols, sat
+leaning forward on his little stool, rocking about, and grinning quite as
+eagerly as the black minstrel. As he sang and we listened, figures of women
+bearing pitchers went passing over the Roman bridge, which we saw between the
+large trunks of the planes; or grey forms of camels were seen stalking across
+it, the string preceded by the little donkey, who is always here their
+long-eared conductor.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These are very humble incidents of travel. Wherever the steamboat touches the
+shore adventure retreats into the interior, and what is called romance
+vanishes. It won’t bear the vulgar gaze; or rather the light of common day puts
+it out, and it is only in the dark that it shines at all. There is no cursing
+and insulting of Giaours now. If a Cockney looks or behaves in a particularly
+ridiculous way, the little Turks come out and laugh at him. A Londoner is no
+longer a spittoon for true believers: and now that dark Hassan sits in his
+divan and drinks champagne, and Selim has a French watch, and Zuleika perhaps
+takes Morison’s pills, Byronism becomes absurd instead of sublime, and is only
+a foolish expression of Cockney wonder. They still occasionally beat a man for
+going into a mosque, but this is almost the only sign of ferocious vitality
+left in the Turk of the Mediterranean coast, and strangers may enter scores of
+mosques without molestation. The paddle-wheel is the great conqueror. Wherever
+the captain cries “Stop her!” Civilisation stops, and lands in the ship’s boat,
+and makes a permanent acquaintance with the savages on shore. Whole hosts of
+crusaders have passed and died, and butchered here in vain. But to manufacture
+European iron into pikes and helmets was a waste of metal: in the shape of
+piston-rods and furnace-pokers it is irresistible; and I think an allegory
+might be made showing how much stronger commerce is than chivalry, and
+finishing with a grand image of Mahomet’s crescent being extinguished in
+Fulton’s boiler.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This I thought was the moral of the day’s sights and adventures. We pulled off
+to the steamer in the afternoon—the Inbat blowing fresh, and setting all the
+craft in the gulf dancing over its blue waters. We were presently under way
+again, the captain ordering his engines to work only at half power, so that a
+French steamer which was quitting Smyrna at the same time might come up with
+us, and fancy she could beat their irresistible, “Tagus.” Vain hope! Just as
+the Frenchman neared us, the “Tagus” shot out like an arrow, and the
+discomfited Frenchman went behind. Though we all relished the joke exceedingly,
+there was a French gentleman on board who did not seem to be by any means
+tickled with it; but he had received papers at Smyrna, containing news of
+Marshal Bugeaud’s victory at Isly, and had this land victory to set against our
+harmless little triumph at sea.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That night we rounded the island of Mitylene: and the next day the coast of
+Troy was in sight, and the tomb of Achilles—a dismal- looking mound that rises
+in a low dreary barren shore—less lively and not more picturesque than the
+Scheldt or the mouth of the Thames. Then we passed Tenedos and the forts and
+town at the mouth of the Dardanelles. The weather was not too hot, the water as
+smooth as at Putney, and everybody happy and excited at the thought of seeing
+Constantinople to-morrow. We had music on board all the way from Smyrna. A
+German commis-voyageur, with a guitar, who had passed unnoticed until that
+time, produced his instrument about mid-day, and began to whistle waltzes. He
+whistled so divinely that the ladies left their cabins, and men laid down their
+books. He whistled a polka so bewitchingly that two young Oxford men began
+whirling round the deck, and performed that popular dance with much agility
+until they sank down tired. He still continued an unabated whistling, and as
+nobody would dance, pulled off his coat, produced a pair of castanets, and
+whistling a mazurka, performed it with tremendous agility. His whistling made
+everybody gay and happy— made those acquainted who had not spoken before, and
+inspired such a feeling of hilarity in the ship, that that night, as we floated
+over the Sea of Marmora, a general vote was expressed for broiled bones and a
+regular supper-party. Punch was brewed, and speeches were made, and, after a
+lapse of fifteen years, I heard the “Old English Gentleman” and “Bright
+Chanticleer Proclaims the Morn,” sung in such style that you would almost fancy
+the proctors must hear, and send us all home.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0007"></a>
+CHAPTER VII<br/>
+CONSTANTINOPLE</h2>
+
+<p>
+When we arose at sunrise to see the famous entry to Constantinople, we found,
+in the place of the city and the sun, a bright white fog, which hid both from
+sight, and which only disappeared as the vessel advanced towards the Golden
+Horn. There the fog cleared off as it were by flakes, and as you see gauze
+curtains lifted away, one by one, before a great fairy scene at the theatre.
+This will give idea enough of the fog; the difficulty is to describe the scene
+afterwards, which was in truth the great fairy scene, than which it is
+impossible to conceive anything more brilliant and magnificent. I can’t go to
+any more romantic place than Drury Lane to draw my similes from—Drury Lane,
+such as we used to see it in our youth, when to our sight the grand last
+pictures of the melodrama or pantomime were as magnificent as any objects of
+nature we have seen with maturer eyes. Well, the view of Constantinople is as
+fine as any of Stanfield’s best theatrical pictures, seen at the best period of
+youth, when fancy had all the bloom on her—when all the heroines who danced
+before the scene appeared as ravishing beauties, when there shone an unearthly
+splendour about Baker and Diddear—and the sound of the bugles and fiddles, and
+the cheerful clang of the cymbals, as the scene unrolled, and the gorgeous
+procession meandered triumphantly through it—caused a thrill of pleasure, and
+awakened an innocent fulness of sensual enjoyment that is only given to boys.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The above sentence contains the following propositions:- The enjoyments of
+boyish fancy are the most intense and delicious in the world. Stanfield’s
+panorama used to be the realisation of the most intense youthful fancy. I
+puzzle my brains and find no better likeness for the place. The view of
+Constantinople resembles the ne plus ultra of a Stanfield diorama, with a
+glorious accompaniment of music, spangled houris, warriors, and winding
+processions, feasting the eyes and the soul with light, splendour, and harmony.
+If you were never in this way during your youth ravished at the play-house, of
+course the whole comparison is useless: and you have no idea, from this
+description, of the effect which Constantinople produces on the mind. But if
+you were never affected by a theatre, no words can work upon your fancy, and
+typographical attempts to move it are of no use. For, suppose we combine
+mosque, minaret, gold, cypress, water, blue, caiques, seventy-four, Galata,
+Tophana, Ramazan, Backallum, and so forth, together, in ever so many ways, your
+imagination will never be able to depict a city out of them. Or, suppose I say
+the Mosque of St. Sophia is four hundred and seventy-three feet in height,
+measuring from the middle nail of the gilt crescent surmounting the dome to the
+ring in the centre stone; the circle of the dome is one hundred and
+twenty-three feet in diameter, the windows ninety-seven in number—and all this
+may be true, for anything I know to the contrary: yet who is to get an idea of
+St. Sophia from dates, proper names, and calculations with a measuring-line? It
+can’t be done by giving the age and measurement of all the buildings along the
+river, the names of all the boatmen who ply on it. Has your fancy, which
+pooh-poohs a simile, faith enough to build a city with a foot-rule? Enough said
+about descriptions and similes (though whenever I am uncertain of one I am
+naturally most anxious to fight for it): it is a scene not perhaps sublime, but
+charming, magnificent, and cheerful beyond any I have ever seen—the most superb
+combination of city and gardens, domes and shipping, hills and water, with the
+healthiest breeze blowing over it, and above it the brightest and most cheerful
+sky.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is proper, they say, to be disappointed on entering the town, or any of the
+various quarters of it, because the houses are not so magnificent on inspection
+and seen singly as they are when beheld en masse from the waters. But why form
+expectations so lofty? If you see a group of peasants picturesquely disposed at
+a fair, you don’t suppose that they are all faultless beauties, or that the
+men’s coats have no rags, and the women’s gowns are made of silk and velvet:
+the wild ugliness of the interior of Constantinople or Pera has a charm of its
+own, greatly more amusing than rows of red bricks or drab stones, however
+symmetrical. With brick or stone they could never form those fantastic
+ornaments, railings, balconies, roofs, galleries, which jut in and out of the
+rugged houses of the city. As we went from Galata to Pera up a steep hill,
+which newcomers ascend with some difficulty, but which a porter, with a couple
+of hundredweight on his back, paces up without turning a hair, I thought the
+wooden houses far from being disagreeable objects, sights quite as surprising
+and striking as the grand one we had just left.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I do not know how the custom-house of His Highness is made to be a profitable
+speculation. As I left the ship, a man pulled after my boat, and asked for
+backsheesh, which was given him to the amount of about twopence. He was a
+custom-house officer, but I doubt whether this sum which he levied ever went to
+the revenue.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I can fancy the scene about the quays somewhat to resemble the river of London
+in olden times, before coal-smoke had darkened the whole city with soot, and
+when, according to the old writers, there really was bright weather. The fleets
+of caiques bustling along the shore, or scudding over the blue water, are
+beautiful to look at: in Hollar’s print London river is so studded over with
+wherry- boats, which bridges and steamers have since destroyed. Here the caique
+is still in full perfection: there are thirty thousand boats of the kind plying
+between the cities; every boat is neat, and trimly carved and painted; and I
+scarcely saw a man pulling in one of them that was not a fine specimen of his
+race, brawny and brown, with an open chest and a handsome face. They wear a
+thin shirt of exceedingly light cotton, which leaves their fine brown limbs
+full play; and with a purple sea for a background, every one of these dashing
+boats forms a brilliant and glittering picture. Passengers squat in the inside
+of the boat; so that as it passes you see little more than the heads of the
+true believers, with their red fez and blue tassel, and that placid gravity of
+expression which the sucking of a tobacco-pipe is sure to give to a man.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Bosphorus is enlivened by a multiplicity of other kinds of craft. There are
+the dirty men-of-war’s boats of the Russians, with unwashed mangy crews; the
+great ferry-boats carrying hundreds of passengers to the villages; the
+melon-boats piled up with enormous golden fruit; His Excellency the Pasha’s
+boat, with twelve men bending to their oars; and His Highness’s own caique,
+with a head like a serpent, and eight-and-twenty tugging oarsmen, that goes
+shooting by amidst the thundering of the cannon. Ships and steamers, with black
+sides and flaunting colours, are moored everywhere, showing their flags,
+Russian and English, Austrian, American, and Greek; and along the quays country
+ships from the Black Sea or the islands, with high carved poops and bows, such
+as you see in the pictures of the shipping of the seventeenth century. The vast
+groves and towers, domes and quays, tall minarets and spired spreading mosques
+of the three cities, rise all around in endless magnificence and variety, and
+render this water-street a scene of such delightful liveliness and beauty, that
+one never tires of looking at it. I lost a great number of the sights in and
+round Constantinople through the beauty of this admirable scene: but what are
+sights after all? and isn’t that the best sight which makes you most happy?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were lodged at Pera at Misseri’s Hotel, the host of which has been made
+famous ere this time by the excellent book “Eothen,”—a work for which all the
+passengers on board our ship had been battling, and which had charmed all—from
+our great statesman, our polished lawyer, our young Oxonian, who sighed over
+certain passages that he feared were wicked, down to the writer of this, who,
+after perusing it with delight, laid it down with wonder, exclaiming, “Aut
+Diabolus aut”—a book which has since (greatest miracle of all) excited a
+feeling of warmth and admiration in the bosom of the god-like, impartial, stony
+Athenaeum. Misseri, the faithful and chivalrous Tartar, is transformed into the
+most quiet and gentlemanlike of landlords, a great deal more gentlemanlike in
+manner and appearance than most of us who sat at his table, and smoked cool
+pipes on his house-top, as we looked over the hill and the Russian palace to
+the water, and the Seraglio gardens shining in the blue. We confronted Misseri,
+“Eothen” in hand, and found, on examining him, that it WAS “aut Diabolus aut
+amicus”—but the name is a secret; I will never breathe it, though I am dying to
+tell it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The last good description of a Turkish bath, I think, was Lady Mary Wortley
+Montagu’s—which voluptuous picture must have been painted at least a hundred
+and thirty years ago; so that another sketch may be attempted by a humbler
+artist in a different manner. The Turkish bath is certainly a novel sensation
+to an Englishman, and may be set down as a most queer and surprising event of
+his life. I made the valet-de-place or dragoman (it is rather a fine thing to
+have a dragoman in one’s service) conduct me forthwith to the best appointed
+hummums in the neighbourhood; and we walked to a house at Tophana, and into a
+spacious hall lighted from above, which is the cooling-room of the bath.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The spacious hall has a large fountain in the midst, a painted gallery running
+round it; and many ropes stretched from one gallery to another, ornamented with
+profuse draperies of towels and blue cloths, for the use of the frequenters of
+the place. All round the room and the galleries were matted inclosures, fitted
+with numerous neat beds and cushions for reposing on, where lay a dozen of true
+believers smoking, or sleeping, or in the happy half-dozing state. I was led up
+to one of these beds, to rather a retired corner, in consideration of my
+modesty; and to the next bed presently came a dancing dervish, who forthwith
+began to prepare for the bath.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the dancing dervish had taken off his yellow sugar-loaf cap, his gown,
+shawl, &amp;c., he was arrayed in two large blue cloths; a white one being
+thrown over his shoulders, and another in the shape of a turban plaited neatly
+round his head; the garments of which he divested himself were folded up in
+another linen, and neatly put by. I beg leave to state I was treated in
+precisely the same manner as the dancing dervish.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The reverend gentleman then put on a pair of wooden pattens, which elevated him
+about six inches from the ground; and walked down the stairs, and paddled
+across the moist marble floor of the hall, and in at a little door, by the
+which also Titmarsh entered. But I had none of the professional agility of the
+dancing dervish; I staggered about very ludicrously upon the high wooden
+pattens; and should have been down on my nose several times, had not the
+dragoman and the master of the bath supported me down the stairs and across the
+hall. Dressed in three large cotton napkins, with a white turban round my head,
+I thought of Pall Mall with a sort of despair. I passed the little door, it was
+closed behind me—I was in the dark—I couldn’t speak the language—in a white
+turban. Mon Dieu! what was going to happen?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The dark room was the tepidarium, a moist oozing arched den, with a light
+faintly streaming from an orifice in the domed ceiling. Yells of frantic
+laughter and song came booming and clanging through the echoing arches, the
+doors clapped to with loud reverberations. It was the laughter of the followers
+of Mahound, rollicking and taking their pleasure in the public bath. I could
+not go into that place: I swore I would not; they promised me a private room,
+and the dragoman left me. My agony at parting from that Christian cannot be
+described.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When you get into the sudarium, or hot room, your first sensations only occur
+about half a minute after entrance, when you feel that you are choking. I found
+myself in that state, seated on a marble slab; the bath man was gone; he had
+taken away the cotton turban and shoulder shawl: I saw I was in a narrow room
+of marble, with a vaulted roof, and a fountain of warm and cold water; the
+atmosphere was in a steam, the choking sensation went off, and I felt a sort of
+pleasure presently in a soft boiling simmer, which, no doubt, potatoes feel
+when they are steaming. You are left in this state for about ten minutes: it is
+warm certainly, but odd and pleasant, and disposes the mind to reverie.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But let any delicate mind in Baker Street fancy my horror when, on looking up
+out of this reverie, I saw a great brown wretch extended before me, only half
+dressed, standing on pattens, and exaggerated by them and the steam until he
+looked like an ogre, grinning in the most horrible way, and waving his arm, on
+which was a horsehair glove. He spoke, in his unknown nasal jargon, words which
+echoed through the arched room; his eyes seemed astonishingly large and bright,
+his ears stuck out, and his head was all shaved, except a bristling top-knot,
+which gave it a demoniac fierceness.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This description, I feel, is growing too frightful; ladies who read it will be
+going into hysterics, or saying, “Well, upon my word, this is the most
+singular, the most extraordinary kind of language. Jane, my love, you will not
+read that odious book—” and so I will be brief. This grinning man belabours the
+patient violently with the horse-brush. When he has completed the horsehair
+part, and you lie expiring under a squirting fountain of warm water, and
+fancying all is done, he reappears with a large brass basin, containing a
+quantity of lather, in the midst of which is something like old Miss
+MacWhirter’s flaxen wig that she is so proud of, and that we have all laughed
+at. Just as you are going to remonstrate, the thing like the wig is dashed into
+your face and eyes, covered over with soap, and for five minutes you are
+drowned in lather: you can’t see, the suds are frothing over your eye-balls;
+you can’t hear, the soap is whizzing into your ears; can’t gasp for breath,
+Miss MacWhirter’s wig is down your throat with half a pailful of suds in an
+instant—you are all soap. Wicked children in former days have jeered you,
+exclaiming, “How are you off for soap?” You little knew what saponacity was
+till you entered a Turkish bath.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the whole operation is concluded, you are led—with what heartfelt joy I
+need not say—softly back to the cooling-room, having been robed in shawls and
+turbans as before. You are laid gently on the reposing bed; somebody brings a
+narghile, which tastes as tobacco must taste in Mahomet’s Paradise; a cool
+sweet dreamy languor takes possession of the purified frame; and half-an- hour
+of such delicious laziness is spent over the pipe as is unknown in Europe,
+where vulgar prejudice has most shamefully maligned indolence—calls it foul
+names, such as the father of all evil, and the like; in fact, does not know how
+to educate idleness as those honest Turks do, and the fruit which, when
+properly cultivated, it bears.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The after-bath state is the most delightful condition of laziness I ever knew,
+and I tried it wherever we went afterwards on our little tour. At Smyrna the
+whole business was much inferior to the method employed in the capital. At
+Cairo, after the soap, you are plunged into a sort of stone coffin, full of
+water which is all but boiling. This has its charms; but I could not relish the
+Egyptian shampooing. A hideous old blind man (but very dexterous in his art)
+tried to break my back and dislocate my shoulders, but I could not see the
+pleasure of the practice; and another fellow began tickling the soles of my
+feet, but I rewarded him with a kick that sent him off the bench. The pure
+idleness is the best, and I shall never enjoy such in Europe again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Victor Hugo, in his famous travels on the Rhine, visiting Cologne, gives a
+learned account of what he DIDN’T see there. I have a remarkable catalogue of
+similar objects at Constantinople. I didn’t see the dancing dervishes, it was
+Ramazan; nor the howling dervishes at Scutari, it was Ramazan; nor the interior
+of St. Sophia, nor the women’s apartment of the Seraglio, nor the fashionable
+promenade at the Sweet Waters, always because it was Ramazan; during which
+period the dervishes dance and howl but rarely, their legs and lungs being
+unequal to much exertion during a fast of fifteen hours. On account of the same
+holy season, the Royal palaces and mosques are shut; and though the Valley of
+the Sweet Waters is there, no one goes to walk; the people remaining asleep all
+day, and passing the night in feasting and carousing. The minarets are
+illuminated at this season; even the humblest mosque at Jerusalem, or Jaffa,
+mounted a few circles of dingy lamps; those of the capital were handsomely
+lighted with many festoons of lamps, which had a fine effect from the water. I
+need not mention other and constant illuminations of the city, which
+innumerable travellers have described—I mean the fires. There were three in
+Pera during our eight days’ stay there; but they did not last long enough to
+bring the Sultan out of bed to come and lend his aid. Mr. Hobhouse (quoted in
+the “Guide-book”) says, if a fire lasts an hour, the Sultan is bound to attend
+it in person; and that people having petitions to present, have often set
+houses on fire for the purpose of forcing out this Royal trump. The Sultan
+can’t lead a very “jolly life,” if this rule be universal. Fancy His Highness,
+in the midst of his moon-faced beauties, handkerchief in hand, and obliged to
+tie it round his face, and go out of his warm harem at midnight at the cursed
+cry of “Yang en Var!”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We saw His Highness in the midst of his people and their petitions, when he
+came to the mosque at Tophana; not the largest, but one of the most picturesque
+of the public buildings of the city. The streets were crowded with people
+watching for the august arrival, and lined with the squat military in their
+bastard European costume; the sturdy police, with bandeliers and brown
+surtouts, keeping order, driving off the faithful from the railings of the
+Esplanade through which their Emperor was to pass, and only admitting (with a
+very unjust partiality, I thought) us Europeans into that reserved space.
+Before the august arrival, numerous officers collected, colonels and pashas
+went by with their attendant running footmen; the most active, insolent, and
+hideous of these great men, as I thought, being His Highness’s black eunuchs,
+who went prancing through the crowd, which separated before them with every
+sign of respect.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The common women were assembled by many hundreds: the yakmac, a muslin
+chin-cloth which they wear, makes almost every face look the same; but the eyes
+and noses of these beauties are generally visible, and, for the most part, both
+these features are good. The jolly negresses wear the same white veil, but they
+are by no means so particular about hiding the charms of their good-natured
+black faces, and they let the cloth blow about as it lists, and grin
+unconfined. Wherever we went the negroes seemed happy. They have the organ of
+child-loving: little creatures were always prattling on their shoulders, queer
+little things in night gowns of yellow dimity, with great flowers, and pink or
+red or yellow shawls, with great eyes glistening underneath. Of such the black
+women seemed always the happy guardians. I saw one at a fountain, holding one
+child in her arms, and giving another a drink—a ragged little beggar—a sweet
+and touching picture of a black charity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am almost forgetting His Highness the Sultan. About a hundred guns were fired
+off at clumsy intervals from the Esplanade facing the Bosphorus, warning us
+that the monarch had set off from his Summer Palace, and was on the way to his
+grand canoe. At last that vessel made its appearance; the band struck up his
+favourite air; his caparisoned horse was led down to the shore to receive him;
+the eunuchs, fat pashas, colonels and officers of state gathering round as the
+Commander of the Faithful mounted. I had the indescribable happiness of seeing
+him at a very short distance. The Padishah, or Father of all the Sovereigns on
+earth, has not that majestic air which some sovereigns possess, and which makes
+the beholder’s eyes wink, and his knees tremble under him: he has a black
+beard, and a handsome well-bred face, of a French cast; he looks like a young
+French roue worn out by debauch; his eyes bright, with black rings round them;
+his cheeks pale and hollow. He was lolling on his horse as if he could hardly
+hold himself on the saddle: or as if his cloak, fastened with a blazing diamond
+clasp on his breast, and falling over his horse’s tail, pulled him back. But
+the handsome sallow face of the Refuge of the World looked decidedly
+interesting and intellectual. I have seen many a young Don Juan at Paris,
+behind a counter, with such a beard and countenance; the flame of passion still
+burning in his hollow eyes, while on his damp brow was stamped the fatal mark
+of premature decay. The man we saw cannot live many summers. Women and wine are
+said to have brought the Zilullah to this state; and it is whispered by the
+dragomans, or laquais-de-place (from whom travellers at Constantinople
+generally get their political information), that the Sultan’s mother and his
+ministers conspire to keep him plunged in sensuality, that they may govern the
+kingdom according to their own fancies. Mr. Urquhart, I am sure, thinks that
+Lord Palmerston has something to do with the business, and drugs the Sultan’s
+champagne for the benefit of Russia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As the Pontiff of Mussulmans passed into the mosques a shower of petitions was
+flung from the steps where the crowd was collected, and over the heads of the
+gendarmes in brown. A general cry, as for justice, rose up; and one old ragged
+woman came forward and burst through the throng, howling, and flinging about
+her lean arms, and baring her old shrunken breast. I never saw a finer action
+of tragic woo, or heard sounds more pitiful than those old passionate groans of
+hers. What was your prayer, poor old wretched soul? The gendarmes hemmed her
+round, and hustled her away, but rather kindly. The Padishah went on quite
+impassible—the picture of debauch and ennui.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I like pointing morals, and inventing for myself cheap consolations, to
+reconcile me to that state of life into which it has pleased Heaven to call me;
+and as the Light of the World disappeared round the corner, I reasoned
+pleasantly with myself about His Highness, and enjoyed that secret selfish
+satisfaction a man has, who sees he is better off than his neighbour. “Michael
+Angelo,” I said, “you are still (by courtesy) young: if you had five hundred
+thousand a year, and were a great prince, I would lay a wager that men would
+discover in you a magnificent courtesy of demeanour, and a majestic presence
+that only belongs to the sovereigns of the world. If you had such an income,
+you think you could spend it with splendour: distributing genial hospitalities,
+kindly alms, soothing misery, bidding humility be of good heart, rewarding
+desert. If you had such means of purchasing pleasure, you think, you rogue, you
+could relish it with gusto. But fancy being brought to the condition of the
+poor Light of the Universe yonder; and reconcile yourself with the idea that
+you are only a farthing rushlight. The cries of the poor widow fall as dead
+upon him as the smiles of the brightest eyes out of Georgia. He can’t stir
+abroad but those abominable cannon begin roaring and deafening his ears. He
+can’t see the world but over the shoulders of a row of fat pashas, and eunuchs,
+with their infernal ugliness. His ears can never be regaled with a word of
+truth, or blessed with an honest laugh. The only privilege of manhood left to
+him, he enjoys but for a month in the year, at this time of Ramazan, when he is
+forced to fast for fifteen hours; and, by consequence, has the blessing of
+feeling hungry.” Sunset during Lent appears to be his single moment of
+pleasure; they say the poor fellow is ravenous by that time, and as the gun
+fires the dish-covers are taken off, so that for five minutes a day he lives
+and is happy over pillau, like another mortal.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And yet, when floating by the Summer Palace, a barbaric edifice of wood and
+marble, with gilded suns blazing over the porticoes, and all sorts of strange
+ornaments and trophies figuring on the gates and railings—when we passed a long
+row of barred and filigreed windows, looking on the water—when we were told
+that those were the apartments of His Highness’s ladies, and actually heard
+them whispering and laughing behind the bars—a strange feeling of curiosity
+came over some ill-regulated minds—just to have one peep, one look at all those
+wondrous beauties, singing to the dulcimers, paddling in the fountains, dancing
+in the marble halls, or lolling on the golden cushions, as the gaudy black
+slaves brought pipes and coffee. This tumultuous movement was calmed by
+thinking of that dreadful statement of travellers, that in one of the most
+elegant halls there is a trap-door, on peeping below which you may see the
+Bosphorus running underneath, into which some luckless beauty is plunged
+occasionally, and the trap-door is shut, and the dancing and the singing, and
+the smoking and the laughing go on as before. They say it is death to pick up
+any of the sacks thereabouts, if a stray one should float by you. There were
+none any day when I passed, AT LEAST, ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It has been rather a fashion of our travellers to apologise for Turkish life,
+of late, and paint glowing agreeable pictures of many of its institutions. The
+celebrated author of “Palm-Leaves” (his name is famous under the date-trees of
+the Nile, and uttered with respect beneath the tents of the Bedaween) has
+touchingly described Ibrahim Pasha’s paternal fondness, who cut off a black
+slave’s head for having dropped and maimed one of his children; and has penned
+a melodious panegyric of “The Harem,” and of the fond and beautiful duties of
+the inmates of that place of love, obedience, and seclusion. I saw, at the
+mausoleum of the late Sultan Mahmoud’s family, a good subject for a Ghazul, in
+the true new Oriental manner.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These Royal burial-places are the resort of the pious Moslems. Lamps are kept
+burning there; and in the antechambers, copies of the Koran are provided for
+the use of believers; and you never pass these cemeteries but you see Turks
+washing at the cisterns, previous to entering for prayer, or squatted on the
+benches, chanting passages from the sacred volume. Christians, I believe, are
+not admitted, but may look through the bars, and see the coffins of the defunct
+monarchs and children of the Royal race. Each lies in his narrow sarcophagus,
+which is commonly flanked by huge candles, and covered with a rich embroidered
+pall. At the head of each coffin rises a slab, with a gilded inscription; for
+the princesses, the slab is simple, not unlike our own monumental stones. The
+headstones of the tombs of the defunct princes are decorated with a turban, or,
+since the introduction of the latter article of dress, with the red fez. That
+of Mahmoud is decorated with the imperial aigrette.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In this dismal but splendid museum, I remarked two little tombs with little red
+fezzes, very small, and for very young heads evidently, which were lying under
+the little embroidered palls of state. I forget whether they had candles too;
+but their little flame of life was soon extinguished, and there was no need of
+many pounds of wax to typify it. These were the tombs of Mahmoud’s grandsons,
+nephews of the present Light of the Universe, and children of his sister, the
+wife of Halil Pasha. Little children die in all ways: these of the
+much-maligned Mahometan Royal race perished by the bowstring. Sultan Mahmoud
+(may he rest in glory!) strangled the one; but, having some spark of human
+feeling, was so moved by the wretchedness and agony of the poor bereaved
+mother, his daughter, that his Royal heart relented towards her, and he
+promised that, should she ever have another child, it should be allowed to
+live. He died; and Abdul Medjid (may his name be blessed!), the debauched young
+man whom we just saw riding to the mosque, succeeded. His sister, whom he is
+said to have loved, became again a mother, and had a son. But she relied upon
+her father’s word and her august brother’s love, and hoped that this little one
+should be spared. The same accursed hand tore this infant out of its mother’s
+bosom, and killed it. The poor woman’s heart broke outright at this second
+calamity, and she died. But on her death-bed she sent for her brother, rebuked
+him as a perjurer and an assassin, and expired calling down the divine justice
+on his head. She lies now by the side of the two little fezzes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Now I say this would be a fine subject for an Oriental poem. The details are
+dramatic and noble, and could be grandly touched by a fine artist. If the
+mother had borne a daughter, the child would have been safe; that perplexity
+might be pathetically depicted as agitating the bosom of the young wife about
+to become a mother. A son is born: you can see her despair and the pitiful look
+she casts on the child, and the way in which she hugs it every time the
+curtains of her door are removed. The Sultan hesitated probably; he allowed the
+infant to live for six weeks. He could not bring his Royal soul to inflict
+pain. He yields at last; he is a martyr- -to be pitied, not to be blamed. If he
+melts at his daughter’s agony, he is a man and a father. There are men and
+fathers too in the much-maligned Orient.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then comes the second act of the tragedy. The new hopes, the fond yearnings,
+the terrified misgivings, the timid belief, and weak confidence; the child that
+is born—and dies smiling prettily—and the mother’s heart is rent so, that it
+can love, or hope, or suffer no more. Allah is God! She sleeps by the little
+fezzes. Hark! the guns are booming over the water, and His Highness is coming
+from his prayers.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After the murder of that little child, it seems to me one can never look with
+anything but horror upon the butcherly Herod who ordered it. The death of the
+seventy thousand Janissaries ascends to historic dignity, and takes rank as
+war. But a great Prince and Light of the Universe, who procures abortions and
+throttles little babies, dwindles away into such a frightful insignificance of
+crime, that those may respect him who will. I pity their Excellencies the
+Ambassadors, who are obliged to smirk and cringe to such a rascal. To do the
+Turks justice—and two days’ walk in Constantinople will settle this fact as
+well as a year’s residence in the city—the people do not seem in the least
+animated by this Herodian spirit. I never saw more kindness to children than
+among all classes, more fathers walking about with little solemn Mahometans in
+red caps and big trousers, more business going on than in the toy quarter, and
+in the Atmeidan. Although you may see there the Thebaic stone set up by the
+Emperor Theodosius, and the bronze column of serpents which Murray says was
+brought from Delphi, but which my guide informed me was the very one exhibited
+by Moses in the wilderness, yet I found the examination of these antiquities
+much less pleasant than to look at the many troops of children assembled on the
+plain to play; and to watch them as they were dragged about in little queer
+arobas, or painted carriages, which are there kept for hire. I have a picture
+of one of them now in my eyes: a little green oval machine, with flowers rudely
+painted round the window, out of which two smiling heads are peeping, the
+pictures of happiness. An old, good-humoured, grey- bearded Turk is tugging the
+cart; and behind it walks a lady in a yakmac and yellow slippers, and a black
+female slave, grinning as usual, towards whom the little coach-riders are
+looking. A small sturdy barefooted Mussulman is examining the cart with some
+feelings of envy: he is too poor to purchase a ride for himself and the
+round-faced puppy-dog, which he is hugging in his arms as young ladies in our
+country do dolls.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All the neighbourhood of the Atmeidan is exceedingly picturesque— the mosque
+court and cloister, where the Persians have their stalls of sweetmeats and
+tobacco; a superb sycamore-tree grows in the middle of this, overshadowing an
+aromatic fountain; great flocks of pigeons are settling in corners of the
+cloister, and barley is sold at the gates, with which the good-natured people
+feed them. From the Atmeidan you have a fine view of St. Sophia: and here
+stands a mosque which struck me as being much more picturesque and
+sumptuous—the Mosque of Sultan Achmed, with its six gleaming white minarets and
+its beautiful courts and trees. Any infidels may enter the court without
+molestation, and, looking through the barred windows of the mosque, have a view
+of its airy and spacious interior. A small audience of women was collected
+there when I looked in, squatted on the mats, and listening to a preacher, who
+was walking among them, and speaking with great energy. My dragoman interpreted
+to me the sense of a few words of his sermon: he was warning them of the danger
+of gadding about to public places, and of the immorality of too much talking;
+and, I dare say, we might have had more valuable information from him regarding
+the follies of womankind, had not a tall Turk clapped my interpreter on the
+shoulder, and pointed him to be off.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Although the ladies are veiled, and muffled with the ugliest dresses in the
+world, yet it appears their modesty is alarmed in spite of all the coverings
+which they wear. One day, in the bazaar, a fat old body, with diamond rings on
+her fingers, that were tinged with henne of a logwood colour, came to the shop
+where I was purchasing slippers, with her son, a young Aga of six years of age,
+dressed in a braided frock-coat, with a huge tassel to his fez, exceeding fat,
+and of a most solemn demeanour. The young Aga came for a pair of shoes, and his
+contortions were so delightful as he tried them, that I remained looking on
+with great pleasure, wishing for Leech to be at hand to sketch his lordship and
+his fat mamma, who sat on the counter. That lady fancied I was looking at her,
+though, as far as I could see, she had the figure and complexion of a roly-poly
+pudding; and so, with quite a premature bashfulness, she sent me a message by
+the shoemaker, ordering me to walk away if I had made my purchases, for that
+ladies of her rank did not choose to be stared at by strangers; and I was
+obliged to take my leave, though with sincere regret, for the little lord had
+just squeezed himself into an attitude than which I never saw anything more
+ludicrous in General Tom Thumb. When the ladies of the Seraglio come to that
+bazaar with their cortege of infernal black eunuchs, strangers are told to move
+on briskly. I saw a bevy of about eight of these, with their aides-de-camp; but
+they were wrapped up, and looked just as vulgar and ugly as the other women,
+and were not, I suppose, of the most beautiful sort. The poor devils are
+allowed to come out, half-a-dozen times in the year, to spend their little
+wretched allowance of pocket-money in purchasing trinkets and tobacco; all the
+rest of the time they pursue the beautiful duties of their existence in the
+walls of the sacred harem.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Though strangers are not allowed to see the interior of the cage in which these
+birds of Paradise are confined, yet many parts of the Seraglio are free to the
+curiosity of visitors, who choose to drop a backsheesh here and there. I landed
+one morning at the Seraglio point from Galata, close by an ancient
+pleasure-house of the defunct Sultan; a vast broad-brimmed pavilion, that looks
+agreeable enough to be a dancing room for ghosts now: there is another
+summer-house, the Guide-book cheerfully says, whither the Sultan goes to sport
+with his women and mutes. A regiment of infantry, with their music at their
+head, were marching to exercise in the outer grounds of the Seraglio; and we
+followed them, and had an opportunity of seeing their evolutions, and hearing
+their bands, upon a fine green plain under the Seraglio walls, where stands one
+solitary column, erected in memory of some triumph of some Byzantian emperor.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There were three battalions of the Turkish infantry, exercising here; and they
+seemed to perform their evolutions in a very satisfactory manner: that is, they
+fired all together, and charged and halted in very straight lines, and bit off
+imaginary cartridge- tops with great fierceness and regularity, and made all
+their ramrods ring to measure, just like so many Christians. The men looked
+small, young, clumsy, and ill-built; uncomfortable in their shabby European
+clothes; and about the legs, especially, seemed exceedingly weak and
+ill-formed. Some score of military invalids were lolling in the sunshine, about
+a fountain and a marble summer- house that stand on the ground, watching their
+comrades’ manoeuvres (as if they could never have enough of that delightful
+pastime); and these sick were much better cared for than their healthy
+companions. Each man had two dressing-gowns, one of white cotton, and an outer
+wrapper of warm brown woollen. Their heads were accommodated with wadded cotton
+nightcaps; and it seemed to me, from their condition and from the excellent
+character of the military hospitals, that it would be much more wholesome to be
+ill than to be well in the Turkish service.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Facing this green esplanade, and the Bosphorus shining beyond it, rise the
+great walls of the outer Seraglio Gardens: huge masses of ancient masonry, over
+which peep the roofs of numerous kiosks and outhouses, amongst thick
+evergreens, planted so as to hide the beautiful frequenters of the place from
+the prying eyes and telescopes. We could not catch a glance of a single figure
+moving in these great pleasure-grounds. The road winds round the walls; and the
+outer park, which is likewise planted with trees, and diversified by
+garden-plots and cottages, had more the air of the outbuildings of a homely
+English park, than of a palace which we must all have imagined to be the most
+stately in the world. The most commonplace water-carts were passing here and
+there; roads were being repaired in the Macadamite manner; and carpenters were
+mending the park-palings, just as they do in Hampshire. The next thing you
+might fancy would be the Sultan walking out with a spud and a couple of dogs,
+on the way to meet the post-bag and the Saint James’s Chronicle.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The palace is no palace at all. It is a great town of pavilions, built without
+order, here and there, according to the fancy of succeeding Lights of the
+Universe, or their favourites. The only row of domes which looked particularly
+regular or stately, were the kitchens. As you examined the buildings they had a
+ruinous dilapidated look: they are not furnished, it is said, with particular
+splendour,—not a bit more elegantly than Miss Jones’s seminary for young
+ladies, which we may be sure is much more comfortable than the extensive
+establishment of His Highness Abdul Medjid.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the little stable I thought to see some marks of Royal magnificence, and
+some horses worthy of the king of all kings. But the Sultan is said to be a
+very timid horseman: the animal that is always kept saddled for him did not
+look to be worth twenty pounds; and the rest of the horses in the shabby dirty
+stalls were small, ill-kept, common-looking brutes. You might see better, it
+seemed to me, at a country inn stable on any market-day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The kitchens are the most sublime part of the Seraglio. There are nine of these
+great halls, for all ranks, from His Highness downwards, where many hecatombs
+are roasted daily, according to the accounts, and where cooking goes on with a
+savage Homeric grandeur. Chimneys are despised in these primitive halls; so
+that the roofs are black with the smoke of hundreds of furnaces, which escapes
+through apertures in the domes above. These, too, give the chief light in the
+rooms, which streams downwards, and thickens and mingles with the smoke, and so
+murkily lights up hundreds of swarthy figures busy about the spits and the
+cauldrons. Close to the door by which we entered they were making pastry for
+the sultanas; and the chief pastrycook, who knew my guide, invited us
+courteously to see the process, and partake of the delicacies prepared for
+those charming lips. How those sweet lips must shine after eating these puffs!
+First, huge sheets of dough are rolled out till the paste is about as thin as
+silver paper: then an artist forms the dough-muslin into a sort of drapery,
+curling it round and round in many fanciful and pretty shapes, until it is all
+got into the circumference of a round metal tray in which it is baked. Then the
+cake is drenched in grease most profusely; and, finally, a quantity of syrup is
+poured over it, when the delectable mixture is complete. The moon-faced ones
+are said to devour immense quantities of this wholesome food; and, in fact, are
+eating grease and sweetmeats from morning till night. I don’t like to think
+what the consequences may be, or allude to the agonies which the delicate
+creatures must inevitably suffer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The good-natured chief pastrycook filled a copper basin with greasy puffs; and,
+dipping a dubious ladle into a large cauldron, containing several gallons of
+syrup, poured a liberal portion over the cakes, and invited us to eat. One of
+the tarts was quite enough for me: and I excused myself on the plea of
+ill-health from imbibing any more grease and sugar. But my companion, the
+dragoman, finished some forty puffs in a twinkling. They slipped down his
+opened jaws as the sausages do down clowns’ throats in a pantomime. His
+moustaches shone with grease, and it dripped down his beard and fingers. We
+thanked the smiling chief pastrycook, and rewarded him handsomely for the
+tarts. It is something to have eaten of the dainties prepared for the ladies of
+the harem; but I think Mr. Cockle ought to get the names of the chief sultanas
+among the exalted patrons of his antibilious pills.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+From the kitchens we passed into the second court of the Seraglio, beyond which
+is death. The Guide-book only hints at the dangers which would befall a
+stranger caught prying in the mysterious FIRST court of the palace. I have read
+“Bluebeard,” and don’t care for peeping into forbidden doors; so that the
+second court was quite enough for me; the pleasure of beholding it being
+heightened, as it were, by the notion of the invisible danger sitting next
+door, with uplifted scimitar ready to fall on you—present though not seen.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A cloister runs along one side of this court; opposite is the hall of the
+divan, “large but low, covered with lead, and gilt, after the Moorish manner,
+plain enough.” The Grand Vizier sits in this place, and the ambassadors used to
+wait here, and be conducted hence on horseback, attired with robes of honour.
+But the ceremony is now, I believe, discontinued; the English envoy, at any
+rate, is not allowed to receive any backsheesh, and goes away as he came, in
+the habit of his own nation. On the right is a door leading into the interior
+of the Seraglio; NONE PASS THROUGH IT BUT SUCH AS ARE SENT FOR, the Guide-book
+says: it is impossible to top the terror of that description.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+About this door lads and servants were lolling, ichoglans and pages, with lazy
+looks and shabby dresses; and among them, sunning himself sulkily on a bench, a
+poor old fat, wrinkled, dismal white eunuch, with little fat white hands, and a
+great head sunk into his chest, and two sprawling little legs that seemed
+incapable to hold up his bloated old body. He squeaked out some surly reply to
+my friend the dragoman, who, softened and sweetened by the tarts he had just
+been devouring, was, no doubt, anxious to be polite: and the poor worthy fellow
+walked away rather crestfallen at this return of his salutation, and hastened
+me out of the place.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The palace of the Seraglio, the cloister with marble pillars, the hall of the
+ambassadors, the impenetrable gate guarded by eunuchs and ichoglans, have a
+romantic look in print; but not so in reality. Most of the marble is wood,
+almost all the gilding is faded, the guards are shabby, the foolish
+perspectives painted on the walls are half cracked off. The place looks like
+Vauxhall in the daytime.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We passed out of the second court under THE SUBLIME PORTE—which is like a
+fortified gate of a German town of the middle ages—into the outer court, round
+which are public offices, hospitals, and dwellings of the multifarious servants
+of the palace. This place is very wide and picturesque: there is a pretty
+church of Byzantine architecture at the further end; and in the midst of the
+court a magnificent plane-tree, of prodigious dimensions and fabulous age
+according to the guides; St. Sophia towers in the further distance: and from
+here, perhaps, is the best view of its light swelling domes and beautiful
+proportions. The Porte itself, too, forms an excellent subject for the
+sketcher, if the officers of the court will permit him to design it. I made the
+attempt, and a couple of Turkish beadles looked on very good-naturedly for some
+time at the progress of the drawing; but a good number of other spectators
+speedily joined them, and made a crowd, which is not permitted, it would seem,
+in the Seraglio; so I was told to pack up my portfolio, and remove the cause of
+the disturbance, and lost my drawing of the Ottoman Porte.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I don’t think I have anything more to say about the city which has not been
+much better told by graver travellers. I, with them, could see (perhaps it was
+the preaching of the politicians that warned me of the fact) that we are
+looking on at the last days of an empire; and heard many stories of weakness,
+disorder, and oppression. I even saw a Turkish lady drive up to Sultan Achmet’s
+mosque IN A BROUGHAM. Is not that a subject to moralise upon? And might one not
+draw endless conclusions from it, that the knell of the Turkish dominion is
+rung; that the European spirit and institutions once admitted can never be
+rooted out again; and that the scepticism prevalent amongst the higher orders
+must descend ere very long to the lower; and the cry of the muezzin from the
+mosque become a mere ceremony?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But as I only stayed eight days in this place, and knew not a syllable of the
+language, perhaps it is as well to pretermit any disquisitions about the spirit
+of the people. I can only say that they looked to be very good-natured,
+handsome, and lazy; that the women’s yellow slippers are very ugly; that the
+kabobs at the shop hard by the Rope Bazaar are very hot and good; and that at
+the Armenian cookshops they serve you delicious fish, and a stout raisin wine
+of no small merit. There came in, as we sat and dined there at sunset, a good
+old Turk, who called for a penny fish, and sat down under a tree very humbly,
+and ate it with his own bread. We made that jolly old Mussulman happy with a
+quart of the raisin wine; and his eyes twinkled with every fresh glass, and he
+wiped his old beard delighted, and talked and chirped a good deal, and, I dare
+say, told us the whole state of the empire. He was the only Mussulman with whom
+I attained any degree of intimacy during my stay in Constantinople; and you
+will see that, for obvious reasons, I cannot divulge the particulars of our
+conversation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“You have nothing to say, and you own it,” says somebody: “then why write?”
+That question perhaps (between ourselves) I have put likewise; and yet, my dear
+sir, there are SOME things worth remembering even in this brief letter: that
+woman in the brougham is an idea of significance: that comparison of the
+Seraglio to Vauxhall in the daytime is a true and real one; from both of which
+your own great soul and ingenious philosophic spirit may draw conclusions, that
+I myself have modestly forborne to press. You are too clever to require a moral
+to be tacked to all the fables you read, as is done for children in the
+spelling-books; else I would tell you that the government of the Ottoman Porte
+seems to be as rotten, as wrinkled, and as feeble as the old eunuch I saw
+crawling about it in the sun; that when the lady drove up in a brougham to
+Sultan Achmet, I felt that the schoolmaster was really abroad; and that the
+crescent will go out before that luminary, as meekly as the moon does before
+the sun.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0008"></a>
+CHAPTER VIII<br/>
+RHODES</h2>
+
+<p>
+The sailing of a vessel direct for Jaffa brought a great number of passengers
+together, and our decks were covered with Christian, Jew, and Heathen. In the
+cabin we were Poles and Russians, Frenchmen, Germans, Spaniards, and Greeks; on
+the deck were squatted several little colonies of people of different race and
+persuasion. There was a Greek Papa, a noble figure with a flowing and venerable
+white beard, who had been living on bread-and-water for I don’t know how many
+years, in order to save a little money to make the pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
+There were several families of Jewish Rabbis, who celebrated their “feast of
+tabernacles” on board; their chief men performing worship twice or thrice a
+day, dressed in their pontifical habits, and bound with phylacteries: and there
+were Turks, who had their own ceremonies and usages, and wisely kept aloof from
+their neighbours of Israel.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The dirt of these children of captivity exceeds all possibility of description;
+the profusion of stinks which they raised, the grease of their venerable
+garments and faces, the horrible messes cooked in the filthy pots, and devoured
+with the nasty fingers, the squalor of mats, pots, old bedding, and foul
+carpets of our Hebrew friends, could hardly be painted by Swift in his dirtiest
+mood, and cannot be, of course, attempted by my timid and genteel pen. What
+would they say in Baker Street to some sights with which our new friends
+favoured us? What would your ladyship have said if you had seen the interesting
+Greek nun combing her hair over the cabin— combing it with the natural fingers,
+and, averse to slaughter, flinging the delicate little intruders, which she
+found in the course of her investigation, gently into the great cabin? Our
+attention was a good deal occupied in watching the strange ways and customs of
+the various comrades of ours.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Jews were refugees from Poland, going to lay their bones to rest in the
+valley of Jehoshaphat, and performing with exceeding rigour the offices of
+their religion. At morning and evening you were sure to see the chiefs of the
+families, arrayed in white robes, bowing over their books, at prayer. Once a
+week, on the eve before the Sabbath, there was a general washing in Jewry,
+which sufficed until the ensuing Friday. The men wore long gowns and caps of
+fur, or else broad-brimmed hats, or, in service time, bound on their heads
+little iron boxes, with the sacred name engraved on them. Among the lads there
+were some beautiful faces; and among the women your humble servant discovered
+one who was a perfect rosebud of beauty when first emerging from her Friday’s
+toilet, and for a day or two afterwards, until each succeeding day’s smut
+darkened those fresh and delicate cheeks of hers. We had some very rough
+weather in the course of the passage from Constantinople to Jaffa, and the sea
+washed over and over our Israelitish friends and their baggages and bundles;
+but though they were said to be rich, they would not afford to pay for cabin
+shelter. One father of a family, finding his progeny half drowned in a squall,
+vowed he WOULD pay for a cabin; but the weather was somewhat finer the next
+day, and he could not squeeze out his dollars, and the ship’s authorities would
+not admit him except upon payment.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This unwillingness to part with money is not only found amongst the followers
+of Moses, but in those of Mahomet, and Christians too. When we went to purchase
+in the bazaars, after offering money for change, the honest fellows would
+frequently keep back several piastres, and when urged to refund, would give
+most dismally: and begin doling out penny by penny, and utter pathetic prayers
+to their customer not to take any more. I bought five or six pounds’ worth of
+Broussa silks for the womankind, in the bazaar at Constantinople, and the rich
+Armenian who sold them begged for three-halfpence to pay his boat to Galata.
+There is something naif and amusing in this exhibition of cheatery—this simple
+cringing and wheedling, and passion for twopence-halfpenny. It was pleasant to
+give a millionaire beggar an alms, and laugh in his face and say, “There,
+Dives, there’s a penny for you: be happy, you poor old swindling scoundrel, as
+far as a penny goes.” I used to watch these Jews on shore, and making bargains
+with one another as soon as they came on board; the battle between vendor and
+purchaser was an agony—they shrieked, clasped hands, appealed to one another
+passionately; their handsome noble faces assumed a look of woe— quite an heroic
+eagerness and sadness about a farthing.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Ambassadors from our Hebrews descended at Rhodes to buy provisions, and it was
+curious to see their dealings: there was our venerable Rabbi, who, robed in
+white and silver, and bending over his book at the morning service, looked like
+a patriarch, and whom I saw chaffering about a fowl with a brother Rhodian
+Israelite. How they fought over the body of that lean animal! The street
+swarmed with Jews: goggling eyes looked out from the old carved casements—
+hooked noses issued from the low antique doors—Jew boys driving donkeys, Hebrew
+mothers nursing children, dusky, tawdry, ragged young beauties and most
+venerable grey-bearded fathers were all gathered round about the affair of the
+hen! And at the same time that our Rabbi was arranging the price of it, his
+children were instructed to procure bundles of green branches to decorate the
+ship during their feast. Think of the centuries during which these wonderful
+people have remained unchanged; and how, from the days of Jacob downwards, they
+have believed and swindled!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Rhodian Jews, with their genius for filth, have made their quarter of the
+noble desolate old town the most ruinous and wretched of all. The escutcheons
+of the proud old knights are still carved over the doors, whence issue these
+miserable greasy hucksters and pedlars. The Turks respected these emblems of
+the brave enemies whom they had overcome, and left them untouched. When the
+French seized Malta they were by no means so delicate: they effaced armorial
+bearings with their usual hot-headed eagerness; and a few years after they had
+torn down the coats-of- arms of the gentry, the heroes of Malta and Egypt were
+busy devising heraldry for themselves, and were wild to be barons and counts of
+the Empire.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The chivalrous relics at Rhodes are very superb. I know of no buildings whose
+stately and picturesque aspect seems to correspond better with one’s notions of
+their proud founders. The towers and gates are warlike and strong, but
+beautiful and aristocratic: you see that they must have been high-bred
+gentlemen who built them. The edifices appear in almost as perfect a condition
+as when they were in the occupation of the noble Knights of St. John; and they
+have this advantage over modern fortifications, that they are a thousand times
+more picturesque. Ancient war condescended to ornament itself, and built fine
+carved castles and vaulted gates: whereas, to judge from Gibraltar and Malta,
+nothing can be less romantic than the modern military architecture; which
+sternly regards the fighting, without in the least heeding the war-paint. Some
+of the huge artillery with which the place was defended still lies in the
+bastions; and the touch-holes of the guns are preserved by being covered with
+rusty old corselets, worn by defenders of the fort three hundred years ago. The
+Turks, who battered down chivalry, seem to be waiting their turn of destruction
+now. In walking through Rhodes one is strangely affected by witnessing the
+signs of this double decay. For instance, in the streets of the knights, you
+see noble houses, surmounted by noble escutcheons of superb knights, who lived
+there, and prayed, and quarrelled, and murdered the Turks; and were the most
+gallant pirates of the inland seas; and made vows of chastity, and robbed and
+ravished; and, professing humility, would admit none but nobility into their
+order; and died recommending themselves to sweet St. John, and calmly hoping
+for heaven in consideration of all the heathen they had slain. When this superb
+fraternity was obliged to yield to courage as great as theirs, faith as
+sincere, and to robbers even more dexterous and audacious than the noblest
+knight who ever sang a canticle to the Virgin, these halls were filled by
+magnificent Pashas and Agas, who lived here in the intervals of war, and having
+conquered its best champions, despised Christendom and chivalry pretty much as
+an Englishman despises a Frenchman. Now the famous house is let to a shabby
+merchant, who has his little beggarly shop in the bazaar; to a small officer,
+who ekes out his wretched pension by swindling, and who gets his pay in bad
+coin. Mahometanism pays in pewter now, in place of silver and gold. The lords
+of the world have run to seed. The powerless old sword frightens nobody now—the
+steel is turned to pewter too, somehow, and will no longer shear a Christian
+head off any shoulders. In the Crusades my wicked sympathies have always been
+with the Turks. They seem to me the better Christians of the two: more humane,
+less brutally presumptuous about their own merits, and more generous in
+esteeming their neighbours. As far as I can get at the authentic story, Saladin
+is a pearl of refinement compared to the brutal beef-eating Richard—about whom
+Sir Walter Scott has led all the world astray.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When shall we have a real account of those times and heroes—no good-humoured
+pageant, like those of the Scott romances—but a real authentic story to
+instruct and frighten honest people of the present day, and make them thankful
+that the grocer governs the world now in place of the baron? Meanwhile a man of
+tender feelings may be pardoned for twaddling a little over this sad spectacle
+of the decay of two of the great institutions of the world. Knighthood is
+gone—amen; it expired with dignity, its face to the foe: and old Mahometanism
+is lingering about just ready to drop. But it is unseemly to see such a Grand
+Potentate in such a state of decay: the son of Bajazet Ilderim insolvent; the
+descendants of the Prophet bullied by Calmucs and English and whipper-snapper
+Frenchmen; the Fountain of Magnificence done up, and obliged to coin pewter!
+Think of the poor dear houris in Paradise, how sad they must look as the
+arrivals of the Faithful become less and less frequent every day. I can fancy
+the place beginning to wear the fatal Vauxhall look of the Seraglio, and which
+has pursued me ever since I saw it: the fountains of eternal wine are beginning
+to run rather dry, and of a questionable liquor; the ready-roasted-meat trees
+may cry, “Come eat me,” every now and then, in a faint voice, without any gravy
+in it—but the Faithful begin to doubt about the quality of the victuals. Of
+nights you may see the houris sitting sadly under them, darning their faded
+muslins: Ali, Omar, and the Imaums are reconciled and have gloomy
+consultations: and the Chief of the Faithful himself, the awful camel-driver,
+the supernatural husband of Khadijah, sits alone in a tumbledown kiosk,
+thinking moodily of the destiny that is impending over him; and of the day when
+his gardens of bliss shall be as vacant as the bankrupt Olympus.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All the town of Rhodes has this appearance of decay and ruin, except a few
+consuls’ houses planted on the sea-side, here and there, with bright flags
+flaunting in the sun; fresh paint; English crockery; shining mahogany,
+&amp;c.,—so many emblems of the new prosperity of their trade, while the old
+inhabitants were going to rack—the fine Church of St. John, converted into a
+mosque, is a ruined church, with a ruined mosque inside; the fortifications are
+mouldering away, as much as time will let them. There was considerable bustle
+and stir about the little port; but it was the bustle of people who looked for
+the most part to be beggars; and I saw no shop in the bazaar that seemed to
+have the value of a pedlar’s pack.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I took, by way of guide, a young fellow from Berlin, a journeyman shoemaker,
+who had just been making a tour in Syria, and who professed to speak both
+Arabic and Turkish quite fluently—which I thought he might have learned when he
+was a student at college, before he began his profession of shoemaking; but I
+found he only knew about three words of Turkish, which were produced on every
+occasion, as I walked under his guidance through the desolate streets of the
+noble old town. We went out upon the lines of fortification, through an ancient
+gate and guard-house, where once a chapel probably stood, and of which the
+roofs were richly carved and gilded. A ragged squad of Turkish soldiers lolled
+about the gate now; a couple of boys on a donkey; a grinning slave on a mule; a
+pair of women flapping along in yellow papooshes; a basket-maker sitting under
+an antique carved portal, and chanting or howling as he plaited his osiers: a
+peaceful well of water, at which knights’ chargers had drunk, and at which the
+double-boyed donkey was now refreshing himself—would have made a pretty picture
+for a sentimental artist. As he sits, and endeavours to make a sketch of this
+plaintive little comedy, a shabby dignitary of the island comes clattering by
+on a thirty-shilling horse, and two or three of the ragged soldiers leave their
+pipes to salute him as he passes under the Gothic archway.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The astonishing brightness and clearness of the sky under which the island
+seemed to bask, struck me as surpassing anything I had seen- -not even at
+Cadiz, or the Piraeus, had I seen sands so yellow, or water so magnificently
+blue. The houses of the people along the shore were but poor tenements, with
+humble courtyards and gardens; but every fig-tree was gilded and bright, as if
+it were in an Hesperian orchard; the palms, planted here and there, rose with a
+sort of halo of light round about them; the creepers on the walls quite dazzled
+with the brilliancy of their flowers and leaves; the people lay in the cool
+shadows, happy and idle, with handsome solemn faces; nobody seemed to be at
+work; they only talked a very little, as if idleness and silence were a
+condition of the delightful shining atmosphere in which they lived.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We went down to an old mosque by the sea-shore, with a cluster of ancient domes
+hard by it, blazing in the sunshine, and carved all over with names of Allah,
+and titles of old pirates and generals who reposed there. The guardian of the
+mosque sat in the garden- court, upon a high wooden pulpit, lazily wagging his
+body to and fro, and singing the praises of the Prophet gently through his
+nose, as the breeze stirred through the trees overhead, and cast chequered and
+changing shadows over the paved court, and the little fountains, and the nasal
+psalmist on his perch. On one side was the mosque, into which you could see,
+with its white walls and cool-matted floor, and quaint carved pulpit and
+ornaments, and nobody at prayers. In the middle distance rose up the noble
+towers and battlements of the knightly town, with the deep sea-line behind
+them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It really seemed as if everybody was to have a sort of sober cheerfulness, and
+must yield to indolence under this charming atmosphere. I went into the
+courtyard by the sea-shore (where a few lazy ships were lying, with no one on
+board), and found it was the prison of the place. The door was as wide open as
+Westminster Hall. Some prisoners, one or two soldiers and functionaries, and
+some prisoners’ wives, were lolling under an arcade by a fountain; other
+criminals were strolling about here and there, their chains clinking quite
+cheerfully; and they and the guards and officials came up chatting quite
+friendly together, and gazed languidly over the portfolio, as I was
+endeavouring to get the likeness of one or two of these comfortable
+malefactors. One old and wrinkled she- criminal, whom I had selected on account
+of the peculiar hideousness of her countenance, covered it up with a dirty
+cloth, at which there was a general roar of laughter among this good- humoured
+auditory of cut-throats, pickpockets, and policemen. The only symptom of a
+prison about the place was a door, across which a couple of sentinels were
+stretched, yawning; while within lay three freshly-caught pirates—chained by
+the leg. They had committed some murders of a very late date, and were awaiting
+sentence; but their wives were allowed to communicate freely with them: and it
+seemed to me that if half-a-dozen friends would set them flee, and they
+themselves had energy enough to move, the sentinels would be a great deal too
+lazy to walk after them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The combined influence of Rhodes and Ramazan, I suppose, had taken possession
+of my friend the Schustergesell from Berlin. As soon as he received his fee, he
+cut me at once, and went and lay down by a fountain near the port, and ate
+grapes out of a dirty pocket- handkerchief. Other Christian idlers lay near
+him, dozing, or sprawling, in the boats, or listlessly munching water-melons.
+Along the coffee-houses of the quay sat hundreds more, with no better
+employment; and the captain of the “Iberia” and his officers, and several of
+the passengers in that famous steamship, were in this company, being idle with
+all their might. Two or three adventurous young men went off to see the valley
+where the dragon was killed; but others, more susceptible of the real influence
+of the island, I am sure would not have moved though we had been told that the
+Colossus himself was taking a walk half a mile off.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0009"></a>
+CHAPTER IX<br/>
+THE WHITE SQUALL</h2>
+
+<p>
+On deck, beneath the awning, I dozing lay and yawning; It was the grey of
+dawning, Ere yet the sun arose; And above the funnel’s roaring, And the fitful
+wind’s deploring, I heard the cabin snoring With universal nose. I could hear
+the passengers snorting, I envied their disporting: Vainly I was courting The
+pleasure of a doze.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So I lay, and wondered why light Came not, and watched the twilight And the
+glimmer of the skylight, That shot across the deck; And the binnacle pale and
+steady, And the dull glimpse of the dead-eye, And the sparks in fiery eddy,
+That whirled from the chimney neck: In our jovial floating prison There was
+sleep from fore to mizen, And never a star had risen The hazy sky to speck.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Strange company we harboured; We’d a hundred Jews to larboard, Unwashed,
+uncombed, uubarbered, Jews black, and brown, and grey; With terror it would
+seize ye, And make your souls uneasy, To see those Rabbis greasy, Who did
+nought but scratch and pray: Their dirty children pucking, Their dirty
+saucepans cooking, Their dirty fingers hooking Their swarming fleas away.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To starboard Turks and Greeks were, Whiskered, and brown their cheeks were,
+Enormous wide their breeks were, Their pipes did puff alway; Each on his mat
+allotted, In silence smoked and squatted, Whilst round their children trotted
+In pretty, pleasant play. He can’t but smile who traces The smiles on those
+brown faces, And the pretty prattling graces Of those small heathens gay.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And so the hours kept tolling, And through the ocean rolling, Went the brave
+“Iberia” bowling Before the break of day - When a SQUALL upon a sudden Came
+o’er the waters scudding; And the clouds began to gather, And the sea was
+lashed to lather, And the lowering thunder grumbled, And the lightning jumped
+and tumbled, And the ship, and all the ocean, Woke up in wild commotion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then the wind set up a howling, And the poodle-dog a yowling, And the cocks
+began a crowing, And the old cow raised a lowing, As she heard the tempest
+blowing; And fowls and geese did cackle, And the cordage and the tackle Began
+to shriek and crackle; And the spray dashed o’er the funnels, And down the deck
+in runnels; And the rushing water soaks all, From the seamen in the fo’ksal To
+the stokers, whose black faces Peer out of their bed-places; And the captain he
+was bawling, And the sailors pulling, hauling; And the quarter-deck tarpauling
+Was shivered in the squalling; And the passengers awaken, Most pitifully
+shaken; And the steward jumps up, and hastens For the necessary basins.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then the Greeks they groaned and quivered, And they knelt, and moaned, and
+shivered, As the plunging waters met them, And splashed and overset them; And
+they call in their emergence Upon countless saints and virgins; And their
+marrowbones are bended, And they think the world is ended.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And the Turkish women for’ard Were frightened and behorror’d; And, shrieking
+and bewildering, The mothers clutched their children; The men sung, “Allah
+Illah! Mashallah Bismillah!”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As the warring waters doused them, And splashed them and soused them; And they
+called upon the Prophet, And thought but little of it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then all the fleas in Jewry Jumped up and bit like fury; And the progeny of
+Jacob Did on the main-deck wake up (I wot those greasy Rabbins Would never pay
+for cabins); And each man moaned and jabbered in His filthy Jewish gaberdine,
+In woe and lamentation, And howling consternation. And the splashing water
+drenches Their dirty brats and wenches; And they crawl from bales and benches,
+In a hundred thousand stenches.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This was the White Squall famous Which latterly o’ercame us, And which all will
+well remember On the 28th September: When a Prussian Captain of Lancers (Those
+tight-laced, whiskered prancers) Came on the deck astonished, By that wild
+squall admonished, And wondering cried, “Potztausend! Wie ist der Sturm jetzt
+brausend!” And looked at Captain Lewis, Who calmly stood and blew his Cigar in
+all the bustle, And scorned the tempest’s tussle. And oft we’ve thought
+thereafter How he beat the storm to laughter; For well he knew his vessel With
+that vain wind could wrestle; And when a wreck we thought her And doomed
+ourselves to slaughter, How gaily he fought her, And through the hubbub brought
+her, And, as the tempest caught her, Cried, “GEORGE! SOME BRANDY-AND-WATER!”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And when, its force expended, The harmless storm was ended, And, as the sunrise
+splendid Came blushing o’er the sea; I thought, as day was breaking, My little
+girls were waking, And smiling, and making A prayer at home for me.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0010"></a>
+CHAPTER X<br/>
+TELMESSUS—BEYROUT</h2>
+
+<p>
+There should have been a poet in our company to describe that charming little
+bay of Glaucus, into which we entered on the 26th of September, in the first
+steam-boat that ever disturbed its beautiful waters. You can’t put down in
+prose that delicious episode of natural poetry; it ought to be done in a
+symphony, full of sweet melodies and swelling harmonies; or sung in a strain of
+clear crystal iambics, such as Milnes knows how to write. A mere map, drawn in
+words, gives the mind no notion of that exquisite nature. What do mountains
+become in type, or rivers in Mr. Vizetelly’s best brevier? Here lies the sweet
+bay, gleaming peaceful in the rosy sunshine: green islands dip here and there
+in its waters: purple mountains swell circling round it; and towards them,
+rising from the bay, stretches a rich green plain, fruitful with herbs and
+various foliage, in the midst of which the white houses twinkle. I can see a
+little minaret, and some spreading palm-trees; but, beyond these, the
+description would answer as well for Bantry Bay as for Makri. You could write
+so far, nay, much more particularly and grandly, without seeing the place at
+all, and after reading Beaufort’s “Caramania,” which gives you not the least
+notion of it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Suppose the great Hydrographer of the Admiralty himself can’t describe it, who
+surveyed the place; suppose Mr. Fellowes, who discovered it afterwards—suppose,
+I say, Sir John Fellowes, Knt., can’t do it (and I defy any man of imagination
+to got an impression of Telmessus from his book)—can you, vain man, hope to
+try? The effect of the artist, as I take it, ought to be, to produce upon his
+hearer’s mind, by his art, an effect something similar to that produced on his
+own by the sight of the natural object. Only music, or the best poetry, can do
+this. Keats’s “Ode to the Grecian Urn” is the best description I know of that
+sweet old silent ruin of Telmessus. After you have once seen it, the
+remembrance remains with you, like a tune from Mozart, which he seems to have
+caught out of heaven, and which rings sweet harmony in your ears for ever
+after! It’s a benefit for all after life! You have but to shut your eyes, and
+think, and recall it, and the delightful vision comes smiling back, to your
+order!—the divine air—the delicious little pageant, which nature set before you
+on this lucky day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here is the entry made in the note-book on the eventful day:- “In the morning
+steamed into the bay of Glaucus—landed at Makri— cheerful old desolate
+village—theatre by the beautiful sea-shore— great fertility, oleanders—a
+palm-tree in the midst of the village, spreading out like a Sultan’s
+aigrette—sculptured caverns, or tombs, up the mountain—camels over the bridge.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Perhaps it is best for a man of fancy to make his own landscape out of these
+materials: to group the couched camels under the plane- trees; the little crowd
+of wandering ragged heathens come down to the calm water, to behold the nearing
+steamer; to fancy a mountain, in the sides of which some scores of tombs are
+rudely carved; pillars and porticos, and Doric entablatures. But it is of the
+little theatre that he must make the most beautiful picture—a charming little
+place of festival, lying out on the shore, and looking over the sweet bay and
+the swelling purple islands. No theatre-goer ever looked out on a fairer scene.
+It encourages poetry, idleness, delicious sensual reverie. O Jones! friend of
+my heart! would you not like to be a white-robed Greek, lolling languidly, on
+the cool benches here, and pouring compliments (in the Ionic dialect) into the
+rosy ears of Neaera? Instead of Jones, your name should be Ionides; instead of
+a silk hat, you should wear a chaplet of roses in your hair: you would not
+listen to the choruses they were singing on the stage, for the voice of the
+fair one would be whispering a rendezvous for the mesonuktiais horais, and my
+Ionides would have no ear for aught beside. Yonder, in the mountain, they would
+carve a Doric cave temple, to receive your urn when all was done; and you would
+be accompanied thither by a dirge of the surviving Ionidae. The caves of the
+dead are empty now, however, and their place knows them not any more among the
+festal haunts of the living. But, by way of supplying the choric melodies sung
+here in old time, one of our companions mounted on the scene and spouted,
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“My name is Norval.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On the same day we lay to for a while at another ruined theatre, that of
+Antiphilos. The Oxford men, fresh with recollections of the little-go, bounded
+away up the hill on which it lies to the ruin, measured the steps of the
+theatre, and calculated the width of the scene; while others, less active,
+watched them with telescopes from the ship’s sides, as they plunged in and out
+of the stones and hollows.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Two days after the scene was quite changed. We were out of sight of the
+classical country, and lay in St. George’s Bay, behind a huge mountain, upon
+which St. George fought the dragon, and rescued the lovely Lady Sabra, the King
+of Babylon’s daughter. The Turkish fleet was lying about us, commanded by that
+Halil Pasha whose two children the two last Sultans murdered. The crimson flag,
+with the star and crescent, floated at the stern of his ship. Our diplomatist
+put on his uniform and cordons, and paid his Excellency a visit. He spoke in
+rapture, when he returned, of the beauty and order of the ship, and the
+urbanity of the infidel Admiral. He sent us bottles of ancient Cyprus wine to
+drink: and the captain of Her Majesty’s ship “Trump,” alongside which we were
+lying, confirmed that good opinion of the Capitan Pasha which the reception of
+the above present led us to entertain, by relating many instances of his
+friendliness and hospitalities. Captain G- said the Turkish ships were as well
+manned, as well kept, and as well manoeuvred, as any vessels in any service;
+and intimated a desire to command a Turkish seventy-four, and a perfect
+willingness to fight her against a French ship of the same size. But I heartily
+trust he will neither embrace the Mahometan opinions, nor be called upon to
+engage any seventy-four whatever. If he do, let us hope he will have his own
+men to fight with. If the crew of the “Trump” were all like the crew of the
+captain’s boat, they need fear no two hundred and fifty men out of any country,
+with any Joinville at their head. We were carried on shore by this boat. For
+two years, during which the “Trump” had been lying off Beyrout, none of the men
+but these eight had ever set foot on shore. Mustn’t it be a happy life? We were
+landed at the busy quay of Beyrout, flanked by the castle that the fighting old
+commodore half battered down.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Along the Beyrout quays civilisation flourishes under the flags of the consuls,
+which are streaming out over the yellow buildings in the clear air. Hither she
+brings from England her produce of marine-stores and woollens, her crockeries,
+her portable soups, and her bitter ale. Hither she has brought politeness, and
+the last modes from Paris. They were exhibited in the person of a pretty lady,
+superintending the great French store, and who, seeing a stranger sketching on
+the quay, sent forward a man with a chair to accommodate that artist, and
+greeted him with a bow and a smile, such as only can be found in France. Then
+she fell to talking with a young French officer with a beard, who was greatly
+smitten with her. They were making love just as they do on the Boulevard. An
+Arab porter left his bales, and the camel he was unloading, to come and look at
+the sketch. Two stumpy flat-faced Turkish soldiers, in red caps and white
+undresses, peered over the paper. A noble little Lebanonian girl, with a deep
+yellow face, and curly dun- coloured hair, and a blue tattooed chin, and for
+all clothing a little ragged shift of blue cloth, stood by like a little
+statue, holding her urn, and stared with wondering brown eyes. How
+magnificently blue the water was!—how bright the flags and buildings as they
+shone above it, and the lines of the rigging tossing in the bay! The white
+crests of the blue waves jumped and sparkled like quicksilver; the shadows were
+as broad and cool as the lights were brilliant and rosy; the battered old
+towers of the commodore looked quite cheerful in the delicious atmosphere; and
+the mountains beyond were of an amethyst colour. The French officer and the
+lady went on chattering quite happily about love, the last new bonnet, or the
+battle of Isly, or the “Juif Errant.” How neatly her gown and sleeves fitted
+her pretty little person! We had not seen a woman for a month, except honest
+Mrs. Flanigan, the stewardess, and the ladies of our party, and the tips of the
+noses of the Constantinople beauties as they passed by leering from their
+yakmacs, waddling and plapping in their odious yellow papooshes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And this day is to be marked with a second white stone, for having given the
+lucky writer of the present, occasion to behold a second beauty. This was a
+native Syrian damsel, who bore the sweet name of Mariam. So it was she stood as
+two of us (I mention the number for fear of scandal) took her picture.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So it was that the good-natured black cook looked behind her young mistress,
+with a benevolent grin, that only the admirable Leslie could paint.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mariam was the sister of the young guide whom we hired to show us through the
+town, and to let us be cheated in the purchase of gilt scarfs and
+handkerchiefs, which strangers think proper to buy. And before the following
+authentic drawing could be made, many were the stratagems the wily artists were
+obliged to employ, to subdue the shyness of the little Mariam. In the first
+place, she would stand behind the door (from which in the darkness her
+beautiful black eyes gleamed out like penny tapers); nor could the entreaties
+of her brother and mamma bring her from that hiding-place. In order to
+conciliate the latter, we began by making a picture of her too— that is, not of
+her, who was an enormous old fat woman in yellow, quivering all over with
+strings of pearls, and necklaces of sequins, and other ornaments, the which
+descended from her neck, and down her ample stomacher: we did not depict that
+big old woman, who would have been frightened at an accurate representation of
+her own enormity; but an ideal being, all grace and beauty, dressed in her
+costume, and still simpering before me in my sketch- book like a lady in a book
+of fashions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This portrait was shown to the old woman, who handed it over to the black cook,
+who, grinning, carried it to little Mariam—and the result was, that the young
+creature stepped forward, and submitted; and has come over to Europe as you
+see. {2}
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A very snug and happy family did this of Mariam’s appear to be. If you could
+judge by all the laughter and giggling, by the splendour of the women’s attire,
+by the neatness of the little house, prettily decorated with arabesque
+paintings, neat mats, and gay carpets, they were a family well to do in the
+Beyrout world, and lived with as much comfort as any Europeans. They had one
+book; and, on the wall of the principal apartment, a black picture of the
+Virgin, whose name is borne by pretty Mariam.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The camels and the soldiers, the bazaars and khans, the fountains and awnings,
+which chequer, with such delightful variety of light and shade, the alleys and
+markets of an Oriental town, are to be seen in Beyrout in perfection; and an
+artist might here employ himself for months with advantage and pleasure. A new
+costume was here added to the motley and picturesque assembly of dresses. This
+was the dress of the blue-veiled women from the Lebanon, stalking solemnly
+through the markets, with huge horns, near a yard high, on their foreheads. For
+thousands of years, since the time the Hebrew prophets wrote, these horns have
+so been exalted in the Lebanon.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At night Captain Lewis gave a splendid ball and supper to the “Trump.” We had
+the “Trump’s” band to perform the music; and a grand sight it was to see the
+captain himself enthusiastically leading on the drum. Blue lights and rockets
+were burned from the yards of our ship; which festive signals were answered
+presently from the “Trump,” and from another English vessel in the harbour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They must have struck the Capitan Pasha with wonder, for he sent his secretary
+on board of us to inquire what the fireworks meant. And the worthy Turk had
+scarcely put his foot on the deck, when he found himself seized round the waist
+by one of the “Trump’s” officers, and whirling round the deck in a waltz, to
+his own amazement, and the huge delight of the company. His face of wonder and
+gravity, as he went on twirling, could not have been exceeded by that of a
+dancing dervish at Scutari; and the manner in which he managed to enjamber the
+waltz excited universal applause.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I forgot whether he accommodated himself to European ways so much further as to
+drink champagne at supper-time; to say that he did would be telling tales out
+of school, and might interfere with the future advancement of that jolly
+dancing Turk.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We made acquaintance with another of the Sultan’s subjects, who, I fear, will
+have occasion to doubt of the honour of the English nation, after the foul
+treachery with which he was treated.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Among the occupiers of the little bazaar matchboxes, vendors of embroidered
+handkerchiefs and other articles of showy Eastern haberdashery, was a
+good-looking neat young fellow, who spoke English very fluently, and was
+particularly attentive to all the passengers on board our ship. This gentleman
+was not only a pocket-handkerchief merchant in the bazaar, but earned a further
+livelihood by letting out mules and donkeys; and he kept a small lodging-house,
+or inn, for travellers, as we were informed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No wonder he spoke good English, and was exceedingly polite and well-bred; for
+the worthy man had passed some time in England, and in the best society too.
+That humble haberdasher at Beyrout had been a lion here, at the very best
+houses of the great people, and had actually made his appearance at Windsor,
+where he was received as a Syrian Prince, and treated with great hospitality by
+Royalty itself.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I don’t know what waggish propensity moved one of the officers of the “Trump”
+to say that there was an equerry of His Royal Highness the Prince on board, and
+to point me out as the dignified personage in question. So the Syrian Prince
+was introduced to the Royal equerry, and a great many compliments passed
+between us. I even had the audacity to state that on my very last interview
+with my Royal master, His Royal Highness had said, “Colonel Titmarsh, when you
+go to Beyrout, you will make special inquiries regarding my interesting friend
+Cogia Hassan.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Poor Cogia Hassan (I forget whether that was his name, but it is as good as
+another) was overpowered with this Royal message; and we had an intimate
+conversation together, at which the waggish officer of the “Trump” assisted
+with the greatest glee.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But see the consequences of deceit! The next day, as we were getting under way,
+who should come on board but my friend the Syrian Prince, most eager for a last
+interview with the Windsor equerry; and he begged me to carry his protestations
+of unalterable fidelity to the gracious consort of Her Majesty. Nor was this
+all. Cogia Hassan actually produced a great box of sweetmeats, of which he
+begged my Excellency to accept, and a little figure of a doll dressed in the
+costume of Lebanon. Then the punishment of imposture began to be felt severely
+by me. How to accept the poor devil’s sweetmeats? How to refuse them? And as we
+know that one fib leads to another, so I was obliged to support the first
+falsehood by another; and putting on a dignified air—“Cogia Hassan,” says I, “I
+am surprised you don’t know the habits of the British Court better, and are not
+aware that our gracious master solemnly forbids his servants to accept any sort
+of backsheesh upon our travels.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So Prince Cogia Hassan went over the side with his chest of sweetmeats, but
+insisted on leaving the doll, which may be worth twopence-halfpenny; of which,
+and of the costume of the women of Lebanon, the following is an accurate
+likeness:-
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0011"></a>
+CHAPTER XI<br/>
+A DAY AND NIGHT IN SYRIA</h2>
+
+<p>
+When, after being for five whole weeks at sea, with a general belief that at
+the end of a few days the marine malady leaves you for good, you find that a
+brisk wind and a heavy rolling swell create exactly the same inward effects
+which they occasioned at the very commencement of the voyage—you begin to fancy
+that you are unfairly dealt with: and I, for my part, had thought of
+complaining to the Company of this atrocious violation of the rules of their
+prospectus; but we were perpetually coming to anchor in various ports, at which
+intervals of peace and good-humour were restored to us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On the 3rd of October our cable rushed with a huge rattle into the blue sea
+before Jaffa, at a distance of considerably more than a mile off the town,
+which lay before us very clear, with the flags of the consuls flaring in the
+bright sky and making a cheerful and hospitable show. The houses a great heap
+of sun-baked stones, surmounted here and there by minarets and countless little
+whitewashed domes; a few date-trees spread out their fan-like heads over these
+dull-looking buildings; long sands stretched away on either side, with low
+purple hills behind them; we could see specks of camels crawling over these
+yellow plains; and those persons who were about to land had the leisure to
+behold the sea-spray flashing over the sands, and over a heap of black rocks
+which lie before the entry to the town. The swell is very great, the passage
+between the rocks narrow, and the danger sometimes considerable. So the guide
+began to entertain the ladies and other passengers in the huge country boat
+which brought us from the steamer with an agreeable story of a lieutenant and
+eight seamen of one of Her Majesty’s ships, who were upset, dashed to pieces,
+and drowned upon these rocks, through which two men and two boys, with a very
+moderate portion of clothing, each standing and pulling half an oar—there were
+but two oars between them, and another by way of rudder—were endeavouring to
+guide us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the danger of the rocks and surf was passed, came another danger of the
+hideous brutes in brown skins and the briefest shirts, who came towards the
+boat, straddling through the water with outstretched arms, grinning and yelling
+their Arab invitations to mount their shoulders. I think these fellows
+frightened the ladies still more than the rocks and the surf; but the poor
+creatures were obliged to submit; and, trembling, were accommodated somehow
+upon the mahogany backs of these ruffians, carried through the shallows, and
+flung up to a ledge before the city gate, where crowds more of dark people were
+swarming, howling after their fashion. The gentlemen, meanwhile, were having
+arguments about the eternal backsheesh with the roaring Arab boatmen; and I
+recall with wonder and delight especially, the curses and screams of one small
+and extremely loud-lunged fellow, who expressed discontent at receiving a five,
+instead of a six-piastre piece. But how is one to know, without possessing the
+language? Both coins are made of a greasy pewtery sort of tin; and I thought
+the biggest was the most valuable: but the fellow showed a sense of their
+value, and a disposition seemingly to cut any man’s throat who did not
+understand it. Men’s throats have been cut for a less difference before now.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Being cast upon the ledge, the first care of our gallantry was to look after
+the ladies, who were scared and astonished by the naked savage brutes, who were
+shouldering the poor things to and fro; and bearing them through these and a
+dark archway, we came into a street crammed with donkeys and their packs and
+drivers, and towering camels with leering eyes looking into the second-floor
+rooms, and huge splay feet, through which mesdames et mesdemoiselles were to be
+conducted. We made a rush at the first open door, and passed comfortably under
+the heels of some horses gathered under the arched court, and up a stone
+staircase, which turned out to be that of the Russian consul’s house. His
+people welcomed us most cordially to his abode, and the ladies and the luggage
+(objects of our solicitude) were led up many stairs and across several terraces
+to a most comfortable little room, under a dome of its own, where the
+representative of Russia sat. Women with brown faces and draggle-tailed coats
+and turbans, and wondering eyes, and no stays, and blue beads and gold coins
+hanging round their necks, came to gaze, as they passed, upon the fair neat
+Englishwomen. Blowsy black cooks puffing over fires and the strangest pots and
+pans on the terraces, children paddling about in long striped robes,
+interrupted their sports or labours to come and stare; and the consul, in his
+cool domed chamber, with a lattice overlooking the sea, with clean mats, and
+pictures of the Emperor, the Virgin, and St. George, received the strangers
+with smiling courtesies, regaling the ladies with pomegranates and sugar, the
+gentlemen with pipes of tobacco, whereof the fragrant tubes were three yards
+long.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Russian amenities concluded, we left the ladies still under the comfortable
+cool dome of the Russian consulate, and went to see our own representative. The
+streets of the little town are neither agreeable to horse nor foot travellers.
+Many of the streets are mere flights of rough steps, leading abruptly into
+private houses: you pass under archways and passages numberless; a steep dirty
+labyrinth of stone-vaulted stables and sheds occupies the ground- floor of the
+habitations; and you pass from flat to flat of the terraces; at various
+irregular corners of which, little chambers, with little private domes, are
+erected, and the people live seemingly as much upon the terrace as in the room.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We found the English consul in a queer little arched chamber, with a strange
+old picture of the King’s arms to decorate one side of it: and here the consul,
+a demure old man, dressed in red flowing robes, with a feeble janissary bearing
+a shabby tin-mounted staff, or mace, to denote his office, received such of our
+nation as came to him for hospitality. He distributed pipes and coffee to all
+and every one; he made us a present of his house and all his beds for the
+night, and went himself to lie quietly on the terrace; and for all this
+hospitality he declined to receive any reward from us, and said he was but
+doing his duty in taking us in. This worthy man, I thought, must doubtless be
+very well paid by our Government for making such sacrifices; but it appears
+that he does not get one single farthing, and that the greater number of our
+Levant consuls are paid at a similar rate of easy remuneration. If we have bad
+consular agents, have we a right to complain? If the worthy gentlemen cheat
+occasionally, can we reasonably be angry? But in travelling through these
+countries, English people, who don’t take into consideration the miserable
+poverty and scanty resources of their country, and are apt to brag and be proud
+of it, have their vanity hurt by seeing the representatives of every nation but
+their own well and decently maintained, and feel ashamed at sitting down under
+the shabby protection of our mean consular flag.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The active young men of our party had been on shore long before us, and seized
+upon all the available horses in the town; but we relied upon a letter from
+Halil Pasha, enjoining all governors and pashas to help us in all ways: and
+hearing we were the bearers of this document, the cadi and vice-governor of
+Jaffa came to wait upon the head of our party; declared that it was his delight
+and honour to set eyes upon us; that he would do everything in the world to
+serve us; that there were no horses, unluckily, but he would send and get some
+in three hours; and so left us with a world of grinning bows and many choice
+compliments from one side to the other, which came to each filtered through an
+obsequious interpreter. But hours passed, and the clatter of horses’ hoofs was
+not heard. We had our dinner of eggs and flaps of bread, and the sunset gun
+fired: we had our pipes and coffee again, and the night fell. Is this man
+throwing dirt upon us? we began to think. Is he laughing at our beards, and are
+our mothers’ graves ill-treated by this smiling swindling cadi? We determined
+to go and seek in his own den this shuffling dispenser of infidel justice. This
+time we would be no more bamboozled by compliments; but we would use the
+language of stern expostulation, and, being roused, would let the rascal hear
+the roar of the indignant British lion; so we rose up in our wrath. The poor
+consul got a lamp for us with a bit of wax-candle, such as I wonder his means
+could afford; the shabby janissary marched ahead with his tin mace; the two
+laquais-de-place, that two of our company had hired, stepped forward, each with
+an old sabre, and we went clattering and stumbling down the streets of the
+town, in order to seize upon this cadi in his own divan. I was glad, for my
+part (though outwardly majestic and indignant in demeanour), that the horses
+had not come, and that we had a chance of seeing this little queer glimpse of
+Oriental life, which the magistrate’s faithlessness procured for us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As piety forbids the Turks to eat during the weary daylight hours of the
+Ramazan, they spend their time profitably in sleeping until the welcome sunset,
+when the town wakens: all the lanterns are lighted up; all the pipes begin to
+puff, and the narghiles to bubble; all the sour-milk-and-sherbet-men begin to
+yell out the excellence of their wares; all the frying-pans in the little dirty
+cookshops begin to friz, and the pots to send forth a steam: and through this
+dingy, ragged, bustling, beggarly, cheerful scene, we began now to march
+towards the Bow Street of Jaffa. We bustled through a crowded narrow archway
+which led to the cadi’s police- office, entered the little room, atrociously
+perfumed with musk, and passing by the rail-board, where the common sort stood,
+mounted the stage upon which his worship and friends sat, and squatted down on
+the divans in stern and silent dignity. His honour ordered us coffee, his
+countenance evidently showing considerable alarm. A black slave, whose duty
+seemed to be to prepare this beverage in a side-room with a furnace, prepared
+for each of us about a teaspoonful of the liquor: his worship’s clerk, I
+presume, a tall Turk of a noble aspect, presented it to us; and having lapped
+up the little modicum of drink, the British lion began to speak.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All the other travellers (said the lion with perfect reason) have good horses
+and are gone; the Russians have got horses, the Spaniards have horses, the
+English have horses, but we, we vizirs in our country, coming with letters of
+Halil Pasha, are laughed at, spit upon! Are Halil Pasha’s letters dirt, that
+you attend to them in this way? Are British lions dogs that you treat them
+so?—and so on. This speech with many variations was made on our side for a
+quarter of an hour; and we finally swore that unless the horses were
+forthcoming we would write to Halil Pasha the next morning, and to His
+Excellency the English Minister at the Sublime Porte. Then you should have
+heard the chorus of Turks in reply: a dozen voices rose up from the divan,
+shouting, screaming, ejaculating, expectorating (the Arabic spoken language
+seems to require a great employment of the two latter oratorical methods), and
+uttering what the meek interpreter did not translate to us, but what I dare say
+were by no means complimentary phrases towards us and our nation. Finally, the
+palaver concluded by the cadi declaring that by the will of Heaven horses
+should be forthcoming at three o’clock in the morning; and that if not, why,
+then, we might write to Halil Pasha.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This posed us, and we rose up and haughtily took leave. I should like to know
+that fellow’s real opinion of us lions very much: and especially to have had
+the translation of the speeches of a huge- breeched turbaned roaring infidel,
+who looked and spoke as if he would have liked to fling us all into the sea,
+which was hoarsely murmuring under our windows an accompaniment to the concert
+within.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We then marched through the bazaars, that were lofty and grim, and pretty full
+of people. In a desolate broken building, some hundreds of children were
+playing and singing; in many corners sat parties over their water-pipes, one of
+whom every now and then would begin twanging out a most queer chant; others
+there were playing at casino—a crowd squatted around the squalling gamblers,
+and talking and looking on with eager interest. In one place of the bazaar we
+found a hundred people at least listening to a story- teller who delivered his
+tale with excellent action, voice, and volubility: in another they were playing
+a sort of thimble-rig with coffee-cups, all intent upon the game, and the
+player himself very wild lest one of our party, who had discovered where the
+pea lay, should tell the company. The devotion and energy with which all these
+pastimes were pursued, struck me as much as anything. These people have been
+playing thimble-rig and casino; that story- teller has been shouting his tale
+of Antar for forty years; and they are just as happy with this amusement now as
+when first they tried it. Is there no ennui in the Eastern countries, and are
+blue-devils not allowed to go abroad there?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+From the bazaars we went to see the house of Mustapha, said to be the best
+house and the greatest man of Jaffa. But the great man had absconded suddenly,
+and had fled into Egypt. The Sultan had made a demand upon him for sixteen
+thousand purses, 80,000l.— Mustapha retired—the Sultan pounced down upon his
+house, and his goods, his horses and his mules. His harem was desolate. Mr.
+Milnes could have written six affecting poems, had he been with us, on the dark
+loneliness of that violated sanctuary. We passed from hall to hall, terrace to
+terrace—a few fellows were slumbering on the naked floors, and scarce turned as
+we went by them. We entered Mustapha’s particular divan—there was the raised
+floor, but no bearded friends squatting away the night of Ramazan; there was
+the little coffee furnace, but where was the slave and the coffee and the
+glowing embers of the pipes? Mustapha’s favourite passages from the Koran were
+still painted up on the walls, but nobody was the wiser for them. We walked
+over a sleeping negro, and opened the windows which looked into his gardens.
+The horses and donkeys, the camels and mules were picketed there below, but
+where is the said Mustapha? From the frying-pan of the Porte, has he not fallen
+into the fire of Mehemet Ali? And which is best, to broil or to fry? If it be
+but to read the “Arabian Nights” again on getting home, it is good to have made
+this little voyage and seen these strange places and faces.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then we went out through the arched lowering gateway of the town into the plain
+beyond, and that was another famous and brilliant scene of the “Arabian
+Nights.” The heaven shone with a marvellous brilliancy—the plain disappeared
+far in the haze—the towers and battlements of the town rose black against the
+sky—old outlandish trees rose up here and there—clumps of camels were couched
+in the rare herbage—dogs were baying about—groups of men lay sleeping under
+their haicks round about—round about the tall gates many lights were
+twinkling—and they brought us water-pipes and sherbet- -and we wondered to
+think that London was only three weeks off.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then came the night at the consul’s. The poor demure old gentleman brought out
+his mattresses; and the ladies sleeping round on the divans, we lay down quite
+happy; and I for my part intended to make as delightful dreams as Alnaschar;
+but—lo, the delicate mosquito sounded his horn: the active flea jumped up, and
+came to feast on Christian flesh (the Eastern flea bites more bitterly than the
+most savage bug in Christendom), and the bug—oh, the accursed! Why was he made?
+What duty has that infamous ruffian to perform in the world, save to make
+people wretched? Only Bulwer in his most pathetic style could describe the
+miseries of that night—the moaning, the groaning, the cursing, the tumbling,
+the blistering, the infamous despair and degradation! I heard all the cocks in
+Jaffa crow; the children crying, and the mothers hushing them; the donkeys
+braying fitfully in the moonlight; at last I heard the clatter of hoofs below,
+and the hailing of men. It was three o’clock, the horses were actually come;
+nay, there were camels likewise; asses and mules, pack-saddles and drivers, all
+bustling together under the moonlight in the cheerful street—and the first
+night in Syria was over.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0012"></a>
+CHAPTER XII<br/>
+FROM JAFFA TO JERUSALEM</h2>
+
+<p>
+It took an hour or more to get our little caravan into marching order, to
+accommodate all the packs to the horses, the horses to the riders; to see the
+ladies comfortably placed in their litter, with a sleek and large black mule
+fore and aft, a groom to each mule, and a tall and exceedingly good-natured and
+mahogany-coloured infidel to walk by the side of the carriage, to balance it as
+it swayed to and fro, and to offer his back as a step to the inmates whenever
+they were minded to ascend or alight. These three fellows, fasting through the
+Ramazan, and over as rough a road, for the greater part, as ever shook mortal
+bones, performed their fourteen hours’ walk of near forty miles with the most
+admirable courage, alacrity, and good-humour. They once or twice drank water on
+the march, and so far infringed the rule; but they refused all bread or edible
+refreshment offered to them, and tugged on with an energy that the best camel,
+and I am sure the best Christian, might envy. What a lesson of good-humoured
+endurance it was to certain Pall Mall Sardanapaluses, who grumble if club sofa
+cushions are not soft enough!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If I could write sonnets at leisure, I would like to chronicle in fourteen
+lines my sensations on finding myself on a high Turkish saddle, with a pair of
+fire-shovel stirrups and worsted reins, red padded saddle-cloth, and
+innumerable tags, fringes, glass-beads, ends of rope, to decorate the harness
+of the horse, the gallant steed on which I was about to gallop into Syrian
+life. What a figure we cut in the moonlight, and how they would have stared in
+the Strand! Ay, or in Leicestershire, where I warrant such a horse and rider
+are not often visible! The shovel stirrups are deucedly short; the clumsy
+leathers cut the shins of some equestrians abominably; you sit over your horse
+as it were on a tower, from which the descent would be very easy, but for the
+big peak of the saddle. A good way for the inexperienced is to put a stick or
+umbrella across the saddle peak again, so that it is next to impossible to go
+over your horse’s neck. I found this a vast comfort in going down the hills,
+and recommend it conscientiously to other dear simple brethren of the city.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Peaceful men, we did not ornament our girdles with pistols, yataghans, &amp;c.,
+such as some pilgrims appeared to bristle all over with; and as a lesson to
+such rash people, a story may be told which was narrated to us at Jerusalem,
+and carries a wholesome moral. The Honourable Hoggin Armer, who was lately
+travelling in the East, wore about his stomach two brace of pistols, of such
+exquisite finish and make, that a Sheikh, in the Jericho country, robbed him
+merely for the sake of the pistols. I don’t know whether he has told the story
+to his friends at home.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Another story about Sheikhs may here be told a propos. That celebrated Irish
+Peer, Lord Oldgent (who was distinguished in the Buckinghamshire Dragoons),
+having paid a sort of black mail to the Sheikh of Jericho country, was suddenly
+set upon by another Sheikh, who claimed to be the real Jerichonian governor;
+and these twins quarrelled over the body of Lord Oldgent, as the widows for the
+innocent baby before Solomon. There was enough for both—but these digressions
+are interminable.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The party got under way at near four o’clock: the ladies in the litter, the
+French femme-de-chambre manfully caracoling on a grey horse; the cavaliers,
+like your humble servant, on their high saddles; the domestics, flunkeys,
+guides, and grooms, on all sorts of animals,—some fourteen in all. Add to
+these, two most grave and stately Arabs in white beards, white turbans, white
+haicks and raiments; sabres curling round their military thighs, and immense
+long guns at their backs. More venerable warriors I never saw; they went by the
+side of the litter soberly prancing. When we emerged from the steep clattering
+streets of the city into the grey plains, lighted by the moon and starlight,
+these militaries rode onward, leading the way through the huge avenues of
+strange diabolical-looking prickly pears (plants that look as if they had grown
+in Tartarus), by which the first mile or two of route from the city is bounded;
+and as the dawn arose before us, exhibiting first a streak of grey, then of
+green, then of red in the sky, it was fine to see these martial figures defined
+against the rising light. The sight of that little cavalcade, and of the nature
+around it, will always remain with me, I think, as one of the freshest and most
+delightful sensations I have enjoyed since the day I first saw Calais pier. It
+was full day when they gave their horses a drink at a large pretty Oriental
+fountain, and then presently we entered the open plain—the famous plain of
+Sharon—so fruitful in roses once, now hardly cultivated, but always beautiful
+and noble.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here presently, in the distance, we saw another cavalcade pricking over the
+plain. Our two white warriors spread to the right and left, and galloped to
+reconnoitre. We, too, put our steeds to the canter, and handling our umbrellas
+as Richard did his lance against Saladin, went undaunted to challenge this
+caravan. The fact is, we could distinguish that it was formed of the party of
+our pious friends the Poles, and we hailed them with cheerful shouting, and
+presently the two caravans joined company, and scoured the plain at the rate of
+near four miles per hour. The horse-master, a courier of this company, rode
+three miles for our one. He was a broken- nosed Arab, with pistols, a sabre, a
+fusee, a yellow Damascus cloth flapping over his head, and his nose ornamented
+with diachylon. He rode a hog-necked grey Arab, bristling over with harness,
+and jumped, and whirled, and reared, and halted, to the admiration of all.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Scarce had the diachylonian Arab finished his evolutions, when lo! yet another
+cloud of dust was seen, and another party of armed and glittering horsemen
+appeared. They, too, were led by an Arab, who was followed by two janissaries,
+with silver maces shining in the sun. ’Twas the party of the new American
+Consul-General of Syria and Jerusalem, hastening to that city, with the
+inferior consuls of Ramleh and Jaffa to escort him. He expects to see the
+Millennium in three years, and has accepted the office of consul at Jerusalem,
+so as to be on the spot in readiness.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the diachylon Arab saw the American Arab, he straightway galloped his
+steed towards him, took his pipe, which he delivered at his adversary in guise
+of a jereed, and galloped round and round, and in and out, and there and back
+again, as in a play of war. The American replied in a similar playful
+ferocity—the two warriors made a little tournament for us there on the plains
+before Jaffa, in the which diachylon, being a little worsted, challenged his
+adversary to a race, and fled away on his grey, the American following on his
+bay. Here poor sticking-plaster was again worsted, the Yankee contemptuously
+riding round him, and then declining further exercise.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+What more could mortal man want? A troop of knights and paladins could have
+done no more. In no page of Walter Scott have I read a scene more fair and
+sparkling. The sober warriors of our escort did not join in the gambols of the
+young men. There they rode soberly, in their white turbans, by their ladies’
+litter, their long guns rising up behind them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was no lack of company along the road: donkeys numberless, camels by twos
+and threes; now a mule-driver, trudging along the road, chanting a most queer
+melody; now a lady, in white veil, black mask, and yellow papooshes, bestriding
+her ass, and followed by her husband,—met us on the way; and most people gave a
+salutation. Presently we saw Ramleh, in a smoking mist, on the plain before us,
+flanked to the right by a tall lonely tower, that might have held the bells of
+some moutier of Caen or Evreux. As we entered, about three hours and a half
+after starting, among the white domes and stone houses of the little town, we
+passed the place of tombs. Two women were sitting on one of them,—the one
+bending her head towards the stone, and rocking to and fro, and moaning out a
+very sweet pitiful lamentation. The American consul invited us to breakfast at
+the house of his subaltern, the hospitable one-eyed Armenian, who represents
+the United States at Jaffa. The stars and stripes were flaunting over his
+terraces, to which we ascended, leaving our horses to the care of a multitude
+of roaring ragged Arabs beneath, who took charge of and fed the animals, though
+I can’t say in the least why; but, in the same way as getting off my horse on
+entering Jerusalem, I gave the rein into the hand of the first person near me,
+and have never heard of the worthy brute since. At the American consul’s we
+were served first with rice soup in pishpash, flavoured with cinnamon and
+spice; then with boiled mutton, then with stewed ditto and tomatoes; then with
+fowls swimming in grease; then with brown ragouts belaboured with onions; then
+with a smoking pilaff of rice: several of which dishes I can pronounce to be of
+excellent material and flavour. When the gentry had concluded this repast, it
+was handed to a side table, where the commonalty speedily discussed it. We left
+them licking their fingers as we hastened away upon the second part of the
+ride.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And as we quitted Ramleh, the scenery lost that sweet and peaceful look which
+characterises the pretty plain we had traversed; and the sun, too, rising in
+the heaven, dissipated all those fresh beautiful tints in which God’s world is
+clothed of early morning, and which city people have so seldom the chance of
+beholding. The plain over which we rode looked yellow and gloomy; the
+cultivation little or none; the land across the roadside fringed, for the most
+part, with straggling wild-carrot plants; a patch of green only here and there.
+We passed several herds of lean, small, well- conditioned cattle: many flocks
+of black goats, tended now and then by a ragged negro shepherd, his long gun
+slung over his back, his hand over his eyes to shade them as he stared at our
+little cavalcade. Most of the half-naked countryfolks we met had this dismal
+appendage to Eastern rustic life; and the weapon could hardly be one of mere
+defence, for, beyond the faded skull-cap, or tattered coat of blue or dirty
+white, the brawny, brown-chested, solemn-looking fellows had nothing seemingly
+to guard. As before, there was no lack of travellers on the road: more donkeys
+trotted by, looking sleek and strong; camels singly and by pairs, laden with a
+little humble ragged merchandise, on their way between the two towns. About
+noon we halted eagerly at a short distance from an Arab village and well, where
+all were glad of a drink of fresh water. A village of beavers, or a colony of
+ants, make habitations not unlike these dismal huts piled together on the plain
+here. There were no single huts along the whole line of road; poor and wretched
+as they are, the Fellahs huddle all together for protection from the other
+thieves their neighbours. The government (which we restored to them) has no
+power to protect them, and is only strong enough to rob them. The women, with
+their long blue gowns and ragged veils, came to and fro with pitchers on their
+heads. Rebecca had such an one when she brought drink to the lieutenant of
+Abraham. The boys came staring round, bawling after us with their fathers for
+the inevitable backsheesh. The village dogs barked round the flocks, as they
+were driven to water or pasture.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We saw a gloomy, not very lofty-looking ridge of hills in front of us; the
+highest of which the guide pointing out to us, told us that from it we should
+see Jerusalem. It looked very near, and we all set up a trot of enthusiasm to
+get into this hill country.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But that burst of enthusiasm (it may have carried us nearly a quarter of a mile
+in three minutes) was soon destined to be checked by the disagreeable nature of
+the country we had to traverse. Before we got to the real mountain district, we
+were in a manner prepared for it, by the mounting and descent of several lonely
+outlying hills, up and down which our rough stony track wound. Then we entered
+the hill district, and our path lay through the clattering bed of an ancient
+stream, whose brawling waters have rolled away into the past, along with the
+fierce and turbulent race who once inhabited these savage hills. There may have
+been cultivation here two thousand years ago. The mountains, or huge stony
+mounds environing this rough path, have level ridges all the way up to their
+summits; on these parallel ledges there is still some verdure and soil: when
+water flowed here, and the country was thronged with that extraordinary
+population, which, according to the Sacred Histories, was crowded into the
+region, these mountain steps may have been gardens and vineyards, such as we
+see now thriving along the hills of the Rhine. Now the district is quite
+deserted, and you ride among what seem to be so many petrified waterfalls. We
+saw no animals moving among the stony brakes; scarcely even a dozen little
+birds in the whole course of the ride. The sparrows are all at Jerusalem, among
+the housetops, where their ceaseless chirping and twittering forms the most
+cheerful sound of the place.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The company of Poles, the company of Oxford men, and the little American army,
+travelled too quick for our caravan, which was made to follow the slow progress
+of the ladies’ litter, and we had to make the journey through the mountains in
+a very small number. Not one of our party had a single weapon more dreadful
+than an umbrella: and a couple of Arabs, wickedly inclined, might have brought
+us all to the halt, and rifled every carpet-bag and pocket belonging to us. Nor
+can I say that we journeyed without certain qualms of fear. When swarthy
+fellows, with girdles full of pistols and yataghans, passed us without
+unslinging their long guns—when scowling camel-riders, with awful long bending
+lances, decorated with tufts of rags, or savage plumes of scarlet feathers,
+went by without molestation—I think we were rather glad that they did not stop
+and parley: for, after all, a British lion with an umbrella is no match for an
+Arab with his infernal long gun. What, too, would have become of our women? So
+we tried to think that it was entirely out of anxiety for them that we were
+inclined to push on.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There is a shady resting-place and village in the midst of the mountain
+district where the travellers are accustomed to halt for an hour’s repose and
+refreshment; and the other caravans were just quitting this spot, having
+enjoyed its cool shades and waters, when we came up. Should we stop? Regard for
+the ladies (of course no other earthly consideration) made us say, “No!” What
+admirable self-denial and chivalrous devotion! So our poor devils of mules and
+horses got no rest and no water, our panting litter-men no breathing time, and
+we staggered desperately after the procession ahead of us. It wound up the
+mountain in front of us: the Poles with their guns and attendants, the American
+with his janissaries; fifty or sixty all riding slowly like the procession in
+“Bluebeard.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But alas, they headed us very soon; when we got up the weary hill they were all
+out of sight. Perhaps thoughts of Fleet Street did cross the minds of some of
+us then, and a vague desire to see a few policemen. The district now seemed
+peopled, and with an ugly race. Savage personages peered at us out of huts, and
+grim holes in the rocks. The mules began to loiter most abominably—water the
+muleteers must have—and, behold, we came to a pleasant-looking village of trees
+standing on a hill; children were shaking figs from the trees—women were going
+about—before us was the mosque of a holy man—the village, looking like a
+collection of little forts, rose up on the hill to our right, with a long view
+of the fields and gardens stretching from it, and camels arriving with their
+burdens. Here we must stop; Paolo, the chief servant, knew the Sheikh of the
+village—he very good man—give him water and supper- -water very good here—in
+fact we began to think of the propriety of halting here for the night, and
+making our entry into Jerusalem on the next day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A man on a handsome horse dressed in red came prancing up to us, looking hard
+at the ladies in the litter, and passed away. Then two others sauntered up, one
+handsome, and dressed in red too, and he stared into the litter without
+ceremony, began to play with a little dog that lay there, asked if we were
+Inglees, and was answered by me in the affirmative. Paolo had brought the
+water, the most delicious draught in the world. The gentlefolks had had some,
+the poor muleteers were longing for it. The French maid, the courageous
+Victoire (never since the days of Joan of Arc has there surely been a more
+gallant and virtuous female of France) refused the drink; when suddenly a
+servant of the party scampers up to his master and says: “Abou Gosh says the
+ladies must get out and show themselves to the women of the village!”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was Abou Gosh himself, the redoubted robber Sheikh about whom we had been
+laughing and crying “Wolf!” all day. Never was seen such a skurry! “March!” was
+the instant order given. When Victoire heard who it was and the message, you
+should have seen how she changed countenance; trembling for her virtue in the
+ferocious clutches of a Gosh. “Un verre d’eau pour l’amour de Dieu!” gasped
+she, and was ready to faint on her saddle. “Ne buvez plus, Victoire!” screamed
+a little fellow of our party. “Push on, push on!” cried one and all. “What’s
+the matter?” exclaimed the ladies in the litter, as they saw themselves
+suddenly jogging on again. But we took care not to tell them what had been the
+designs of the redoubtable Abou Gosh. Away then we went—Victoire was saved—and
+her mistresses rescued from dangers they knew not of, until they were a long
+way out of the village.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Did he intend insult or good will? Did Victoire escape the odious chance of
+becoming Madame Abou Gosh? Or did the mountain chief simply propose to be
+hospitable after his fashion? I think the latter was his desire; if the former
+had been his wish, a half- dozen of his long guns could have been up with us in
+a minute, and had all our party at their mercy. But now, for the sake of the
+mere excitement, the incident was, I am sorry to say, rather a pleasant one
+than otherwise: especially for a traveller who is in the happy condition of
+being able to sing before robbers, as is the case with the writer of the
+present.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A little way out of the land of Goshen we came upon a long stretch of gardens
+and vineyards, slanting towards the setting sun, which illuminated numberless
+golden clusters of the most delicious grapes, of which we stopped and partook.
+Such grapes were never before tasted; water so fresh as that which a countryman
+fetched for us from a well never sluiced parched throats before. It was the
+ride, the sun, and above all Abou Gosh, who made that refreshment so sweet, and
+hereby I offer him my best thanks. Presently, in the midst of a most diabolical
+ravine, down which our horses went sliding, we heard the evening gun: it was
+fired from Jerusalem. The twilight is brief in this country, and in a few
+minutes the landscape was grey round about us, and the sky lighted up by a
+hundred thousand stars, which made the night beautiful.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Under this superb canopy we rode for a couple of hours to our journey’s end.
+The mountains round about us dark, lonely, and sad; the landscape as we saw it
+at night (it is not more cheerful in the daytime), the most solemn and forlorn
+I have ever seen. The feelings of almost terror with which, riding through the
+night, we approached this awful place, the centre of the world’s past and
+future history, have no need to be noted down here. The recollection of those
+sensations must remain with a man as long as his memory lasts; and he should
+think of them as often, perhaps, as he should talk of them little.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0013"></a>
+CHAPTER XIII<br/>
+JERUSALEM</h2>
+
+<p>
+The ladies of our party found excellent quarters in readiness for them at the
+Greek convent in the city; where airy rooms, and plentiful meals, and wines and
+sweet-meats delicate and abundant, were provided to cheer them after the
+fatigues of their journey. I don’t know whether the worthy fathers of the
+convent share in the good things which they lavish on their guests; but they
+look as if they do. Those whom we saw bore every sign of easy conscience and
+good living; there were a pair of strong, rosy, greasy, lazy lay- brothers,
+dawdling in the sun on the convent terrace, or peering over the parapet into
+the street below, whose looks gave one a notion of anything but asceticism.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the principal room of the strangers’ house (the lay traveller is not
+admitted to dwell in the sacred interior of the convent), and over the
+building, the Russian double-headed eagle is displayed. The place is under the
+patronage of the Emperor Nicholas; an Imperial Prince has stayed in these
+rooms; the Russian consul performs a great part in the city; and a considerable
+annual stipend is given by the Emperor towards the maintenance of the great
+establishment in Jerusalem. The Great Chapel of the Church of the Holy
+Sepulchre is by far the richest, in point of furniture, of all the places of
+worship under that roof. We were in Russia, when we came to visit our friends
+here; under the protection of the Father of the Church and the Imperial Eagle!
+This butcher and tyrant, who sits on his throne only through the crime of those
+who held it before him—every step in whose pedigree is stained by some horrible
+mark of murder, parricide, adultery—this padded and whiskered pontiff—who rules
+in his jack-boots over a system of spies and soldiers, of deceit, ignorance,
+dissoluteness, and brute force, such as surely the history of the world never
+told of before—has a tender interest in the welfare of his spiritual children:
+in the Eastern Church ranks after Divinity, and is worshipped by millions of
+men. A pious exemplar of Christianity truly! and of the condition to which its
+union with politics has brought it! Think of the rank to which he pretends, and
+gravely believes that he possesses, no doubt!—think of those who assumed the
+same ultra-sacred character before him!—and then of the Bible and the Founder
+of the Religion, of which the Emperor assumes to be the chief priest and
+defender!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had some Poles of our party; but these poor fellows went to the Latin
+convent, declining to worship after the Emperor’s fashion. The next night after
+our arrival, two of them passed in the Sepulchre. There we saw them, more than
+once on subsequent visits, kneeling in the Latin Church before the pictures, or
+marching solemnly with candles in processions, or lying flat on the stones, or
+passionately kissing the spots which their traditions have consecrated as the
+authentic places of the Saviour’s sufferings. More honest or more civilised, or
+from opposition, the Latin fathers have long given up and disowned the
+disgusting mummery of the Eastern Fire—which lie the Greeks continue annually
+to tell.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Their travellers’ house and convent, though large and commodious, are of a much
+poorer and shabbier condition than those of the Greeks. Both make believe not
+to take money; but the traveller is expected to pay in each. The Latin fathers
+enlarge their means by a little harmless trade in beads and crosses, and
+mother-of-pearl shells, on which figures of saints are engraved; and which they
+purchase from the manufacturers, and vend at a small profit. The English, until
+of late, used to be quartered in these sham inns; but last year two or three
+Maltese took houses for the reception of tourists, who can now be accommodated
+with cleanly and comfortable board, at a rate not too heavy for most pockets.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To one of these we went very gladly; giving our horses the bridle at the door,
+which went off of their own will to their stables, through the dark
+inextricable labyrinths of streets, archways, and alleys, which we had threaded
+after leaving the main street from the Jaffa Gate. There, there was still some
+life. Numbers of persons were collected at their doors, or smoking before the
+dingy coffee-houses, where singing and story-telling were going on; but out of
+this great street everything was silent, and no sign of a light from the
+windows of the low houses which we passed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We ascended from a lower floor up to a terrace, on which were several little
+domed chambers, or pavilions. From this terrace, whence we looked in the
+morning, a great part of the city spread before us:- white domes upon domes,
+and terraces of the same character as our own. Here and there, from among these
+whitewashed mounds round about, a minaret rose, or a rare date-tree; but the
+chief part of the vegetation near was that odious tree the prickly pear,—one
+huge green wart growing out of another, armed with spikes, as inhospitable as
+the aloe, without shelter or beauty. To the right the Mosque of Omar rose; the
+rising sun behind it. Yonder steep tortuous lane before us, flanked by ruined
+walls on either side, has borne, time out of mind, the title of Via Dolorosa;
+and tradition has fixed the spots where the Saviour rested, bearing his cross
+to Calvary. But of the mountain, rising immediately in front of us, a few grey
+olive-trees speckling the yellow side here and there, there can be no question.
+That is the Mount of Olives. Bethany lies beyond it. The most sacred eyes that
+ever looked on this world have gazed on those ridges: it was there He used to
+walk and teach. With shame and humility one looks towards the spot where that
+inexpressible Love and Benevolence lived and breathed; where the great yearning
+heart of the Saviour interceded for all our race; and whence the bigots and
+traitors of his day led Him away to kill Him!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That company of Jews whom we had brought with us from Constantinople, and who
+had cursed every delay on the route, not from impatience to view the Holy City,
+but from rage at being obliged to purchase dear provisions for their
+maintenance on ship- board, made what bargains they best could at Jaffa, and
+journeyed to the Valley of Jehoshaphat at the cheapest rate. We saw the tall
+form of the old Polish Patriarch, venerable in filth, stalking among the
+stinking ruins of the Jewish quarter. The sly old Rabbi, in the greasy folding
+hat, who would not pay to shelter his children from the storm off Beyrout,
+greeted us in the bazaars; the younger Rabbis were furbished up with some
+smartness. We met them on Sunday at the kind of promenade by the walls of the
+Bethlehem Gate; they were in company of some red-bearded co-religionists,
+smartly attired in Eastern raiment; but their voice was the voice of the Jews
+of Berlin, and of course as we passed they were talking about so many hundert
+thaler. You may track one of the people, and be sure to hear mention of that
+silver calf that they worship.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The English mission has been very unsuccessful with these religionists. I don’t
+believe the Episcopal apparatus—the chaplains, and the colleges, and the
+beadles—have succeeded in converting a dozen of them; and a sort of martyrdom
+is in store for the luckless Hebrews at Jerusalem who shall secede from their
+faith. Their old community spurn them with horror; and I heard of the case of
+one unfortunate man, whose wife, in spite of her husband’s change of creed,
+being resolved, like a true woman, to cleave to him, was spirited away from him
+in his absence; was kept in privacy in the city, in spite of all exertions of
+the mission, of the consul and the bishop, and the chaplains and the beadles;
+was passed away from Jerusalem to Beyrout, and thence to Constantinople; and
+from Constantinople was whisked off into the Russian territories, where she
+still pines after her husband. May that unhappy convert find consolation away
+from her. I could not help thinking, as my informant, an excellent and
+accomplished gentleman of the mission, told me the story, that the Jews had
+done only what the Christians do under the same circumstances. The woman was
+the daughter of a most learned Rabbi, as I gathered. Suppose the daughter of
+the Rabbi of Exeter, or Canterbury, were to marry a man who turned Jew, would
+not her Right Reverend Father be justified in taking her out of the power of a
+person likely to hurl her soul to perdition? These poor converts should surely
+be sent away to England out of the way of persecution. We could not but feel a
+pity for them, as they sat there on their benches in the church conspicuous;
+and thought of the scorn and contumely which attended them without, as they
+passed, in their European dresses and shaven beards, among their grisly,
+scowling, long-robed countrymen.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As elsewhere in the towns I have seen, the Ghetto of Jerusalem is pre-eminent
+in filth. The people are gathered round about the dung-gate of the city. Of a
+Friday you may hear their wailings and lamentations for the lost glories of
+their city. I think the Valley of Jehoshaphat is the most ghastly sight I have
+seen in the world. From all quarters they come hither to bury their dead. When
+his time is come yonder hoary old miser, with whom we made our voyage, will lay
+his carcase to rest here. To do that, and to claw together money, has been the
+purpose of that strange long life.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We brought with us one of the gentlemen of the mission, a Hebrew convert, the
+Rev. Mr. E-; and lest I should be supposed to speak with disrespect above of
+any of the converts of the Hebrew faith, let me mention this gentleman as the
+only one whom I had the fortune to meet on terms of intimacy. I never saw a man
+whose outward conduct was more touching, whose sincerity was more evident, and
+whose religious feeling seemed more deep, real, and reasonable.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Only a few feet off, the walls of the Anglican Church of Jerusalem rise up from
+their foundations on a picturesque open spot, in front of the Bethlehem Gate.
+The English Bishop has his church hard by: and near it is the house where the
+Christians of our denomination assemble and worship.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There seem to be polyglot services here. I saw books of prayer, or Scripture,
+in Hebrew, Greek, and German: in which latter language Dr. Alexander preaches
+every Sunday. A gentleman who sat near me at church used all these books
+indifferently; reading the first lesson from the Hebrew book, and the second
+from the Greek. Here we all assembled on the Sunday after our arrival: it was
+affecting to hear the music and language of our country sounding in this
+distant place; to have the decent and manly ceremonial of our service; the
+prayers delivered in that noble language. Even that stout anti-prelatist, the
+American consul, who has left his house and fortune in America in order to
+witness the coming of the Millennium, who believes it to be so near that he has
+brought a dove with him from his native land (which bird he solemnly informed
+us was to survive the expected Advent), was affected by the good old words and
+service. He swayed about and moaned in his place at various passages; during
+the sermon he gave especial marks of sympathy and approbation. I never heard
+the service more excellently and impressively read than by the Bishop’s
+chaplain, Mr. Veitch. But it was the music that was most touching I
+thought,—the sweet old songs of home.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was a considerable company assembled: near a hundred people I should
+think. Our party made a large addition to the usual congregation. The Bishop’s
+family is proverbially numerous: the consul, and the gentlemen of the mission,
+have wives, and children, and English establishments. These, and the strangers,
+occupied places down the room, to the right and left of the desk and
+communion-table. The converts, and the members of the college, in rather a
+scanty number, faced the officiating clergyman; before whom the silver maces of
+the janissaries were set up, as they set up the beadles’ maces in England.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I made many walks round the city to Olivet and Bethany, to the tombs of the
+kings, and the fountains sacred in story. These are green and fresh, but all
+the rest of the landscape seemed to me to be FRIGHTFUL. Parched mountains, with
+a grey bleak olive-tree trembling here and there; savage ravines and valleys,
+paved with tombstones—a landscape unspeakably ghastly and desolate, meet the
+eye wherever you wander round about the city. The place seems quite adapted to
+the events which are recorded in the Hebrew histories. It and they, as it seems
+to me, can never be regarded without terror. Fear and blood, crime and
+punishment, follow from page to page in frightful succession. There is not a
+spot at which you look, but some violent deed has been done there: some
+massacre has been committed, some victim has been murdered, some idol has been
+worshipped with bloody and dreadful rites. Not far from hence is the place
+where the Jewish conqueror fought for the possession of Jerusalem. “The sun
+stood still, and hasted not to go down about a whole day;” so that the Jews
+might have daylight to destroy the Amorites, whose iniquities were full, and
+whose land they were about to occupy. The fugitive heathen king, and his
+allies, were discovered in their hiding-place, and hanged: “and the children of
+Judah smote Jerusalem with the edge of the sword, and set the city on fire; and
+they left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I went out at the Zion Gate, and looked at the so-called tomb of David. I had
+been reading all the morning in the Psalms, and his history in Samuel and
+Kings. “Bring thou down Shimei’s hoar head to the grave with blood,” are the
+last words of the dying monarch as recorded by the history. What they call the
+tomb is now a crumbling old mosque; from which Jew and Christian are excluded
+alike. As I saw it, blazing in the sunshine, with the purple sky behind it, the
+glare only served to mark the surrounding desolation more clearly. The lonely
+walls and towers of the city rose hard by. Dreary mountains, and declivities of
+naked stones, were round about: they are burrowed with holes in which Christian
+hermits lived and died. You see one green place far down in the valley: it is
+called En Rogel. Adonijah feasted there, who was killed by his brother Solomon,
+for asking for Abishag for wife. The Valley of Hinnom skirts the hill: the
+dismal ravine was a fruitful garden once. Ahaz, and the idolatrous kings,
+sacrificed to idols under the green trees there, and “caused their children to
+pass through the fire.” On the mountain opposite, Solomon, with the thousand
+women of his harem, worshipped the gods of all their nations, “Ashtoreth,” and
+“Milcom, and Molech, the abomination of the Ammonites.” An enormous
+charnel-house stands on the hill where the bodies of dead pilgrims used to be
+thrown; and common belief has fixed upon this spot as the Aceldama, which Judas
+purchased with the price of his treason. Thus you go on from one gloomy place
+to another, each seared with its bloody tradition. Yonder is the Temple, and
+you think of Titus’s soldiery storming its flaming porches, and entering the
+city, in the savage defence of which two million human souls perished. It was
+on Mount Zion that Godfrey and Tancred had their camp: when the Crusaders
+entered the mosque, they rode knee-deep in the blood of its defenders, and of
+the women and children who had fled thither for refuge: it was the victory of
+Joshua over again. Then, after three days of butchery, they purified the
+desecrated mosque and went to prayer. In the centre of this history of crime
+rises up the Great Murder of all . . .
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I need say no more about this gloomy landscape. After a man has seen it once,
+he never forgets it—the recollection of it seems to me to follow him like a
+remorse, as it were to implicate him in the awful deed which was done there.
+Oh! with what unspeakable shame and terror should one think of that crime, and
+prostrate himself before the image of that Divine Blessed Sufferer!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Of course the first visit of the traveller is to the famous Church of the
+Sepulchre.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the archway, leading from the street to the court and church, there is a
+little bazaar of Bethlehemites, who must interfere considerably with the
+commerce of the Latin fathers. These men bawl to you from their stalls, and
+hold up for your purchase their devotional baubles,—bushels of rosaries and
+scented beads, and carved mother-of-pearl shells, and rude stone salt-cellars
+and figures. Now that inns are established—envoys of these pedlars attend them
+on the arrival of strangers, squat all day on the terraces before your door,
+and patiently entreat you to buy of their goods. Some worthies there are who
+drive a good trade by tattooing pilgrims with the five crosses, the arms of
+Jerusalem; under which the name of the city is punctured in Hebrew, with the
+auspicious year of the Hadji’s visit. Several of our fellow- travellers
+submitted to this queer operation, and will carry to their grave this relic of
+their journey. Some of them had engaged as servant a man at Beyrout, who had
+served as a lad on board an English ship in the Mediterranean. Above his
+tattooage of the five crosses, the fellow had a picture of two hearts united,
+and the pathetic motto, “Betsy my dear.” He had parted with Betsy my dear five
+years before at Malta. He had known a little English there, but had forgotten
+it. Betsy my dear was forgotten too. Only her name remained engraved with a
+vain simulacrum of constancy on the faithless rogue’s skin: on which was now
+printed another token of equally effectual devotion. The beads and the
+tattooing, however, seem essential ceremonies attendant on the Christian
+pilgrim’s visit; for many hundreds of years, doubtless, the palmers have
+carried off with them these simple reminiscences of the sacred city. That
+symbol has been engraven upon the arms of how many Princes, Knights, and
+Crusaders! Don’t you see a moral as applicable to them as to the swindling
+Beyrout horseboy? I have brought you back that cheap and wholesome apologue, in
+lieu of any of the Bethlehemite shells and beads.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After passing through the porch of the pedlars, you come to the courtyard in
+front of the noble old towers of the Church of the Sepulchre, with pointed
+arches and Gothic traceries, rude, but rich and picturesque in design. Here
+crowds are waiting in the sun, until it shall please the Turkish guardians of
+the church-door to open. A swarm of beggars sit here permanently: old tattered
+hags with long veils, ragged children, blind old bearded beggars, who raise up
+a chorus of prayers for money, holding out their wooden bowls, or clattering
+with their sticks on the stones, or pulling your coat-skirts and moaning and
+whining; yonder sit a group of coal-black Coptish pilgrims, with robes and
+turbans of dark blue, fumbling their perpetual beads. A party of Arab
+Christians have come up from their tents or villages: the men half-naked,
+looking as if they were beggars, or banditti, upon occasion; the women have
+flung their head-cloths back, and are looking at the strangers under their
+tattooed eyebrows. As for the strangers, there is no need to describe THEM:
+that figure of the Englishman, with his hands in his pockets, has been seen all
+the world over: staring down the crater of Vesuvius, or into a Hottentot
+kraal—or at a pyramid, or a Parisian coffee-house, or an Esquimaux hut—with the
+same insolent calmness of demeanour. When the gates of the church are open, he
+elbows in among the first, and flings a few scornful piastres to the Turkish
+door-keeper; and gazes round easily at the place, in which people of every
+other nation in the world are in tears, or in rapture, or wonder. He has never
+seen the place until now, and looks as indifferent as the Turkish guardian who
+sits in the doorway, and swears at the people as they pour in.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Indeed, I believe it is impossible for us to comprehend the source and nature
+of the Roman Catholic devotion. I once went into a church at Rome at the
+request of a Catholic friend, who described the interior to be so beautiful and
+glorious, that he thought (he said) it must be like heaven itself. I found
+walls hung with cheap stripes of pink and white calico, altars covered with
+artificial flowers, a number of wax candles, and plenty of gilt-paper
+ornaments. The place seemed to me like a shabby theatre; and here was my friend
+on his knees at my side, plunged in a rapture of wonder and devotion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I could get no better impression out of this the most famous church in the
+world. The deceits are too open and flagrant; the inconsistencies and
+contrivances too monstrous. It is hard even to sympathise with persons who
+receive them as genuine; and though (as I know and saw in the case of my friend
+at Rome) the believer’s life may be passed in the purest exercise of faith and
+charity, it is difficult even to give him credit for honesty, so barefaced seem
+the impostures which he professes to believe and reverence. It costs one no
+small effort even to admit the possibility of a Catholic’s credulity: to share
+in his rapture and devotion is still further out of your power; and I could get
+from this church no other emotions but those of shame and pain.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The legends with which the Greeks and Latins have garnished the spot have no
+more sacredness for you than the hideous, unreal, barbaric pictures and
+ornaments which they have lavished on it. Look at the fervour with which
+pilgrims kiss and weep over a tawdry Gothic painting, scarcely better fashioned
+than an idol in a South Sea Morai. The histories which they are called upon to
+reverence are of the same period and order,—savage Gothic caricatures. In
+either a saint appears in the costume of the middle ages, and is made to
+accommodate himself to the fashion of the tenth century.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The different churches battle for the possession of the various relics. The
+Greeks show you the Tomb of Melchisedec, while the Armenians possess the Chapel
+of the Penitent Thief; the poor Copts (with their little cabin of a chapel) can
+yet boast of possessing the thicket in which Abraham caught the Ram, which was
+to serve as the vicar of Isaac; the Latins point out the Pillar to which the
+Lord was bound. The place of the Invention of the Sacred Cross, the Fissure in
+the Rock of Golgotha, the Tomb of Adam himself—are all here within a few yards’
+space. You mount a few steps, and are told it is Calvary upon which you stand.
+All this in the midst of blaring candles, reeking incense, savage pictures of
+Scripture story, or portraits of kings who have been benefactors to the various
+chapels; a din and clatter of strange people,—these weeping, bowing,
+kissing,—those utterly indifferent; and the priests clad in outlandish robes,
+snuffling and chanting incomprehensible litanies, robing, disrobing, lighting
+up candles or extinguishing them, advancing, retreating, bowing with all sorts
+of unfamiliar genuflexions. Had it pleased the inventors of the Sepulchre
+topography to have fixed on fifty more spots of ground as the places of the
+events of the sacred story, the pilgrim would have believed just as now. The
+priest’s authority has so mastered his faith, that it accommodates itself to
+any demand upon it; and the English stranger looks on the scene, for the first
+time, with a feeling of scorn, bewilderment, and shame at that grovelling
+credulity, those strange rites and ceremonies, that almost confessed imposture.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Jarred and distracted by these, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, for some
+time, seems to an Englishman the least sacred spot about Jerusalem. It is the
+lies, and the legends, and the priests, and their quarrels, and their
+ceremonies, which keep the Holy Place out of sight. A man has not leisure to
+view it, for the brawling of the guardians of the spot. The Roman conquerors,
+they say, raised up a statue of Venus in this sacred place, intending to
+destroy all memory of it. I don’t think the heathen was as criminal as the
+Christian is now. To deny and disbelieve, is not so bad as to make belief a
+ground to cheat upon. The liar Ananias perished for that; and yet out of these
+gates, where angels may have kept watch—out of the tomb of Christ—Christian
+priests issue with a lie in their hands. What a place to choose for imposture,
+good God! to sully with brutal struggles for self-aggrandisement or shameful
+schemes of gain!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The situation of the Tomb (into which, be it authentic or not, no man can enter
+without a shock of breathless fear, and deep and awful self-humiliation) must
+have struck all travellers. It stands in the centre of the arched rotunda,
+which is common to all denominations, and from which branch off the various
+chapels belonging to each particular sect. In the Coptic chapel I saw one
+coal-black Copt, in blue robes, cowering in the little cabin, surrounded by
+dingy lamps, barbarous pictures, and cheap faded trumpery. In the Latin Church
+there was no service going on, only two fathers dusting the mouldy gewgaws
+along the brown walls, and laughing to one another. The gorgeous church of the
+Fire impostors, hard by, was always more fully attended; as was that of their
+wealthy neighbours, the Armenians. These three main sects hate each other;
+their quarrels are interminable; each bribes and intrigues with the heathen
+lords of the soil, to the prejudice of his neighbour. Now it is the Latins who
+interfere, and allow the common church to go to ruin, because the Greeks
+purpose to roof it; now the Greeks demolish a monastery on Mount Olivet, and
+leave the ground to the Turks, rather than allow the Armenians to possess it.
+On another occasion, the Greeks having mended the Armenian steps which lead to
+the (so-called) Cave of the Nativity at Bethlehem, the latter asked for
+permission to destroy the work of the Greeks, and did so. And so round this
+sacred spot, the centre of Christendom, the representatives of the three great
+sects worship under one roof, and hate each other!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Above the Tomb of the Saviour, the cupola is OPEN, and you see the blue sky
+overhead. Which of the builders was it that had the grace to leave that under
+the high protection of Heaven, and not confine it under the mouldering old
+domes and roofs, which cover so much selfishness, and uncharitableness, and
+imposture?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We went to Bethlehem, too; and saw the apocryphal wonders there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Five miles’ ride brings you from Jerusalem to it, over naked wavy hills; the
+aspect of which, however, grows more cheerful as you approach the famous
+village. We passed the Convent of Mar Elyas on the road, walled and barred like
+a fort. In spite of its strength, however, it has more than once been stormed
+by the Arabs, and the luckless fathers within put to death. Hard by was
+Rebecca’s Well: a dead body was lying there, and crowds of male and female
+mourners dancing and howling round it. Now and then a little troop of savage
+scowling horsemen—a shepherd driving his black sheep, his gun over his
+shoulder—a troop of camels—or of women, with long blue robes and white veils,
+bearing pitchers, and staring at the strangers with their great solemn eyes—or
+a company of labourers, with their donkeys, bearing grain or grapes to the
+city,—met us and enlivened the little ride. It was a busy and cheerful scene.
+The Church of the Nativity, with the adjoining convents, forms a vast and noble
+Christian structure. A party of travellers were going to the Jordan that day,
+and scores of their followers—of the robbing Arabs, who profess to protect them
+(magnificent figures some of them, with flowing haicks and turbans, with long
+guns and scimitars, and wretched horses, covered with gaudy trappings), were
+standing on the broad pavement before the little convent gate. It was such a
+scene as Cattermole might paint. Knights and Crusaders may have witnessed a
+similar one. You could fancy them issuing out of the narrow little portal, and
+so greeted by the swarms of swarthy clamorous women and merchants and children.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The scene within the building was of the same Gothic character. We were
+entertained by the Superior of the Greek Convent, in a fine refectory, with
+ceremonies and hospitalities that pilgrims of the middle ages might have
+witnessed. We were shown over the magnificent Barbaric Church, visited of
+course the Grotto where the Blessed Nativity is said to have taken place, and
+the rest of the idols set up for worship by the clumsy legend. When the visit
+was concluded, the party going to the Dead Sea filed off with their armed
+attendants; each individual traveller making as brave a show as he could, and
+personally accoutred with warlike swords and pistols. The picturesque crowds,
+and the Arabs and the horsemen, in the sunshine; the noble old convent, and the
+grey-bearded priests, with their feast; and the church, and its pictures and
+columns, and incense; the wide brown hills spreading round the village; with
+the accidents of the road,—flocks and shepherds, wells and funerals, and
+camel-trains,—have left on my mind a brilliant, romantic, and cheerful picture.
+But you, dear M-, without visiting the place, have imagined one far finer; and
+Bethlehem, where the Holy Child was born, and the angels sang, “Glory to God in
+the highest, and on earth peace and goodwill towards men,” is the most sacred
+and beautiful spot in the earth to you.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By far the most comfortable quarters in Jerusalem are those of the Armenians,
+in their convent of St. James. Wherever we have been, these Eastern quakers
+look grave, and jolly, and sleek. Their convent at Mount Zion is big enough to
+contain two or three thousand of their faithful; and their church is ornamented
+by the most rich and hideous gifts ever devised by uncouth piety. Instead of a
+bell, the fat monks of the convent beat huge noises on a board, and drub the
+faithful in to prayers. I never saw men more lazy and rosy than these reverend
+fathers, kneeling in their comfortable matted church, or sitting in easy
+devotion. Pictures, images, gilding, tinsel, wax candles, twinkle all over the
+place; and ten thousand ostrichs’ eggs (or any lesser number you may allot)
+dangle from the vaulted ceiling. There were great numbers of people at worship
+in this gorgeous church: they went on their knees, kissing the walls with much
+fervour, and paying reverence to the most precious relic of the convent,—the
+chair of St. James, their patron, the first Bishop of Jerusalem.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The chair pointed out with greatest pride in the church of the Latin Convent,
+is that shabby red damask one appropriated to the French Consul,—the
+representative of the King of that nation,—and the protection which it has from
+time immemorial accorded to the Christians of the Latin rite in Syria. All
+French writers and travellers speak of this protection with delightful
+complacency. Consult the French books of travel on the subject, and any
+Frenchman whom you may meet: he says, “La France, Monsieur, de tous les temps
+protege les Chretiens d’Orient;” and the little fellow looks round the church
+with a sweep of the arm, and protects it accordingly. It is bon ton for them to
+go in processions; and you see them on such errands, marching with long
+candles, as gravely as may be. But I have never been able to edify myself with
+their devotion; and the religious outpourings of Lamartine and Chateaubriand,
+which we have all been reading a propos of the journey we are to make, have
+inspired me with an emotion anything but respectful. “Voyez comme M. de
+Chateaubriand prie Dieu,” the Viscount’s eloquence seems always to say. There
+is a sanctified grimace about the little French pilgrim which it is very
+difficult to contemplate gravely.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The pictures, images, and ornaments of the principal Latin convent are quite
+mean and poor, compared to the wealth of the Armenians. The convent is
+spacious, but squalid. Many hopping and crawling plagues are said to attack the
+skins of pilgrims who sleep there. It is laid out in courts and galleries, the
+mouldy doors of which are decorated with twopenny pictures of favourite saints
+and martyrs; and so great is the shabbiness and laziness, that you might fancy
+yourself in a convent in Italy. Brown-clad fathers, dirty, bearded, and sallow,
+go gliding about the corridors. The relic manufactory before mentioned carries
+on a considerable business, and despatches bales of shells, crosses, and beads
+to believers in Europe. These constitute the chief revenue of the convent now.
+La France is no longer the most Christian kingdom, and her protection of the
+Latins is not good for much since Charles X. was expelled; and Spain, which
+used likewise to be generous on occasions (the gifts, arms, candlesticks,
+baldaquins of the Spanish sovereigns figure pretty frequently in the various
+Latin chapels), has been stingy since the late disturbances, the spoliation of
+the clergy, &amp;c. After we had been taken to see the humble curiosities of
+the place, the Prior treated us in his wooden parlour with little glasses of
+pink Rosolio, brought with many bows and genuflexions by his reverence the
+convent butler.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After this community of holy men, the most important perhaps is the American
+Convent, a Protestant congregation of Independents chiefly, who deliver tracts,
+propose to make converts, have meetings of their own, and also swell the little
+congregation that attends the Anglican service. I have mentioned our fellow-
+traveller, the Consul-General for Syria of the United States. He was a
+tradesman, who had made a considerable fortune, and lived at a country-house in
+comfortable retirement. But his opinion is, that the prophecies of Scripture
+are about to be accomplished; that the day of the return of the Jews is at
+hand, and the glorification of the restored Jerusalem. He is to witness this—he
+and a favourite dove with which he travels; and he forsook home and comfortable
+country-house, in order to make this journey. He has no other knowledge of
+Syria but what he derives from the prophecy; and this (as he takes the office
+gratis) has been considered a sufficient reason for his appointment by the
+United States Government. As soon as he arrived, he sent and demanded an
+interview with the Pasha; explained to him his interpretation of the
+Apocalypse, in which he has discovered that the Five Powers and America are
+about to intervene in Syrian affairs, and the infallible return of the Jews to
+Palestine. The news must have astonished the Lieutenant of the Sublime Porte;
+and since the days of the Kingdom of Munster, under his Anabaptist Majesty,
+John of Leyden, I doubt whether any Government has received or appointed so
+queer an ambassador. The kind, worthy, simple man took me to his temporary
+consulate-house at the American Missionary Establishment; and, under pretence
+of treating me to white wine, expounded his ideas; talked of futurity as he
+would about an article in The Times; and had no more doubt of seeing a divine
+kingdom established in Jerusalem than you that there would be a levee next
+spring at St. James’s. The little room in which we sat was padded with
+missionary tracts, but I heard of scarce any converts—not more than are made by
+our own Episcopal establishment.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But if the latter’s religious victories are small, and very few people are
+induced by the American tracts, and the English preaching and catechising, to
+forsake their own manner of worshipping the Divine Being in order to follow
+ours; yet surely our religious colony of men and women can’t fail to do good,
+by the sheer force of good example, pure life, and kind offices. The ladies of
+the mission have numbers of clients, of all persuasions, in the town, to whom
+they extend their charities. Each of their houses is a model of neatness, and a
+dispensary of gentle kindnesses; and the ecclesiastics have formed a modest
+centre of civilisation in the place. A dreary joke was made in the House of
+Commons about Bishop Alexander and the Bishopess his lady, and the Bishoplings
+his numerous children, who were said to have scandalised the people of
+Jerusalem. That sneer evidently came from the Latins and Greeks; for what could
+the Jews and Turks care because an English clergyman had a wife and children as
+their own priests have? There was no sort of ill will exhibited towards them,
+as far as I could learn; and I saw the Bishop’s children riding about the town
+as safely as they could about Hyde Park. All Europeans, indeed, seemed to me to
+be received with forbearance, and almost courtesy, within the walls. As I was
+going about making sketches, the people would look on very good-humouredly,
+without offering the least interruption; nay, two or three were quite ready to
+stand still for such an humble portrait as my pencil could make of them; and
+the sketch done, it was passed from one person to another, each making his
+comments, and signifying a very polite approval. Here are a pair of them, {2}
+Fath Allah and Ameenut Daoodee his father, horse-dealers by trade, who came and
+sat with us at the inn, and smoked pipes (the sun being down), while the
+original of the above masterpiece was made. With the Arabs outside the walls,
+however, and the freshly arriving country people, this politeness was not so
+much exhibited. There was a certain tattooed girl, with black eyes and huge
+silver earrings, and a chin delicately picked out with blue, who formed one of
+a group of women outside the great convent, whose likeness I longed to carry
+off;— there was a woman with a little child, with wondering eyes, drawing water
+at the Pool of Siloam, in such an attitude and dress as Rebecca may have had
+when Isaac’s lieutenant asked her for drink:- both of these parties standing
+still for half a minute, at the next cried out for backsheesh: and not content
+with the five piastres which I gave them individually, screamed out for more,
+and summoned their friends, who screamed out backsheesh too. I was pursued into
+the convent by a dozen howling women calling for pay, barring the door against
+them, to the astonishment of the worthy papa who kept it; and at Miriam’s Well
+the women were joined by a man with a large stick, who backed their petition.
+But him we could afford to laugh at, for we were two and had sticks likewise.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the village of Siloam I would not recommend the artist to loiter. A colony
+of ruffians inhabit the dismal place, who have guns as well as sticks at need.
+Their dogs howl after the strangers as they pass through; and over the parapets
+of their walls you are saluted by the scowls of a villanous set of
+countenances, that it is not good to see with one pair of eyes. They shot a man
+at mid-day at a few hundred yards from the gates while we were at Jerusalem,
+and no notice was taken of the murder. Hordes of Arab robbers infest the
+neighbourhood of the city, with the Sheikhs of whom travellers make terms when
+minded to pursue their journey. I never could understand why the walls stopped
+these warriors if they had a mind to plunder the city, for there are but a
+hundred and fifty men in the garrison to man the long lonely lines of defence.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I have seen only in Titian’s pictures those magnificent purple shadows in which
+the hills round about lay, as the dawn rose faintly behind them; and we looked
+at Olivet for the last time from our terrace, where we were awaiting the
+arrival of the horses that were to carry us to Jaffa. A yellow moon was still
+blazing in the midst of countless brilliant stars overhead; the nakedness and
+misery of the surrounding city were hidden in that beautiful rosy atmosphere of
+mingling night and dawn. The city never looked so noble; the mosques, domes,
+and minarets rising up into the calm star-lit sky.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By the gate of Bethlehem there stands one palm-tree, and a house with three
+domes. Put these and the huge old Gothic gate as a background dark against the
+yellowing eastern sky: the foreground is a deep grey: as you look into it dark
+forms of horsemen come out of the twilight: now there come lanterns, more
+horsemen, a litter with mules, a crowd of Arab horseboys and dealers
+accompanying their beasts to the gate; all the members of our party come up by
+twos and threes; and, at last, the great gate opens just before sunrise, and we
+get into the grey plains.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Oh! the luxury of an English saddle! An English servant of one of the gentlemen
+of the mission procured it for me, on the back of a little mare, which (as I am
+a light weight) did not turn a hair in the course of the day’s march—and after
+we got quit of the ugly, stony, clattering, mountainous Abou Gosh district,
+into the fair undulating plain, which stretches to Ramleh, carried me into the
+town at a pleasant hand-gallop. A negro, of preternatural ugliness, in a yellow
+gown, with a crimson handkerchief streaming over his head, digging his shovel
+spurs into the lean animal he rode, and driving three others before—swaying
+backwards and forwards on his horse, now embracing his ears, and now almost
+under his belly, screaming “yallah” with the most frightful shrieks, and
+singing country songs—galloped along ahead of me. I acquired one of his poems
+pretty well, and could imitate his shriek accurately; but I shall not have the
+pleasure of singing it to you in England. I had forgotten the delightful
+dissonance two days after, both the negro’s and that of a real Arab minstrel, a
+donkey-driver accompanying our baggage, who sang and grinned with the most
+amusing good-humour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We halted, in the middle of the day, in a little wood of olive- trees, which
+forms almost the only shelter between Jaffa and Jerusalem, except that afforded
+by the orchards in the odious village of Abou Gosh, through which we went at a
+double quick pace. Under the olives, or up in the branches, some of our friends
+took a siesta. I have a sketch of four of them so employed. Two of them were
+dead within a month of the fatal Syrian fever. But we did not know how near
+fate was to us then. Fires were lighted, and fowls and eggs divided, and tea
+and coffee served round in tin panikins, and here we lighted pipes, and smoked
+and laughed at our ease. I believe everybody was happy to be out of Jerusalem.
+The impression I have of it now is of ten days passed in a fever.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We all found quarters in the Greek convent at Ramleh, where the monks served us
+a supper on a terrace, in a pleasant sunset; a beautiful and cheerful landscape
+stretching around; the land in graceful undulations, the towers and mosques
+rosy in the sunset, with no lack of verdure, especially of graceful palms.
+Jaffa was nine miles off. As we rode all the morning we had been accompanied by
+the smoke of our steamer, twenty miles off at sea.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The convent is a huge caravanserai; only three or four monks dwell in it, the
+ghostly hotel-keepers of the place. The horses were tied up and fed in the
+courtyard, into which we rode; above were the living-rooms, where there is
+accommodation, not only for an unlimited number of pilgrims, but for a vast and
+innumerable host of hopping and crawling things, who usually persist in
+partaking of the traveller’s bed. Let all thin-skinned travellers in the East
+be warned on no account to travel without the admirable invention described in
+Mr. Fellowes’s book; nay, possibly invented by that enterprising and learned
+traveller. You make a sack, of calico or linen, big enough for the body,
+appended to which is a closed chimney of muslin, stretched out by cane hoops,
+and fastened up to a beam, or against the wall. You keep a sharp eye to see
+that no flea or bug is on the look-out, and when assured of this, you pop into
+the bag, tightly closing the orifice after you. This admirable bug-disappointer
+I tried at Ramleh, and had the only undisturbed night’s rest I enjoyed in the
+East. To be sure it was a short night, for our party were stirring at one
+o’clock, and those who got up insisted on talking and keeping awake those who
+inclined to sleep. But I shall never forget the terror inspired in my mind,
+being shut up in the bug-disappointer, when a facetious lay-brother of the
+convent fell upon me and began tickling me. I never had the courage again to
+try the anti-flea contrivance, preferring the friskiness of those animals to
+the sports of such a greasy grinning wag as my friend at Ramleh.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the morning, and long before sunrise, our little caravan was in marching
+order again. We went out with lanterns and shouts of “yallah” through the
+narrow streets, and issued into the plain, where, though there was no moon,
+there were blazing stars shining steadily overhead. They become friends to a
+man who travels, especially under the clear Eastern sky; whence they look down
+as if protecting you, solemn, yellow, and refulgent. They seem nearer to you
+than in Europe; larger and more awful. So we rode on till the dawn rose, and
+Jaffa came in view. The friendly ship was lying out in waiting for us; the
+horses were given up to their owners; and in the midst of a crowd of naked
+beggars, and a perfect storm of curses and yells for backsheesh, our party got
+into their boats, and to the ship, where we were welcomed by the very best
+captain that ever sailed upon this maritime globe, namely, Captain Samuel
+Lewis, of the Peninsular and Oriental Company’s Service.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0014"></a>
+CHAPTER XIV<br/>
+FROM JAFFA TO ALEXANDRIA</h2>
+
+<p>
+[From the Providor’s Log-book.]
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Bill of Fare, October 12th.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mulligatawny Soup. Salt Fish and Egg Sauce. Roast Haunch of Mutton. Boiled
+Shoulder and Onion Sauce. Boiled Beef. Roast Fowls. Pillau ditto. Ham. Haricot
+Mutton. Curry and Rice.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cabbage. French Beans. Boiled Potatoes. Baked ditto. Damson Tart. Rice
+Puddings. Currant ditto. Currant Fritters.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were just at the port’s mouth—and could see the towers and buildings of
+Alexandria rising purple against the sunset, when the report of a gun came
+booming over the calm golden water; and we heard, with much mortification, that
+we had no chance of getting pratique that night. Already the ungrateful
+passengers had begun to tire of the ship,—though in our absence in Syria it had
+been carefully cleansed and purified; though it was cleared of the swarming
+Jews who had infested the decks all the way from Constantinople; and though we
+had been feasting and carousing in the manner described above.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But very early next morning we bore into the harbour, busy with a great
+quantity of craft. We passed huge black hulks of mouldering men-of-war, from
+the sterns of which trailed the dirty red flag, with the star and crescent;
+boats, manned with red-capped seamen, and captains and steersmen in beards and
+tarbooshes, passed continually among these old hulks, the rowers bending to
+their oars, so that at each stroke they disappeared bodily in the boat. Besides
+these, there was a large fleet of country ships, and stars and stripes, and
+tricolours, and Union Jacks; and many active steamers, of the French and
+English companies, shooting in and out of the harbour, or moored in the briny
+waters. The ship of our company, the “Oriental,” lay there—a palace upon the
+brine, and some of the Pasha’s steam-vessels likewise, looking very like
+Christian boats; but it was queer to look at some unintelligible Turkish
+flourish painted on the stern, and the long-tailed Arabian hieroglyphics gilt
+on the paddle-boxes. Our dear friend and comrade of Beyrout (if we may be
+permitted to call her so), H.M.S. “Trump,” was in the harbour; and the captain
+of that gallant ship, coming to greet us, drove some of us on shore in his gig.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had been preparing myself overnight, by the help of a cigar and a moonlight
+contemplation on deck, for sensations on landing in Egypt. I was ready to yield
+myself up with solemnity to the mystic grandeur of the scene of initiation.
+Pompey’s Pillar must stand like a mountain, in a yellow plain, surrounded by a
+grove of obelisks as tall as palm-trees. Placid sphinxes brooding o’er the
+Nile—mighty Memnonian countenances calm—had revealed Egypt to me in a sonnet of
+Tennyson’s, and I was ready to gaze on it with pyramidal wonder and
+hieroglyphic awe.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The landing quay at Alexandria is like the dockyard quay at Portsmouth: with a
+few score of brown faces scattered among the population. There are
+slop-sellers, dealers in marine-stores, bottled-porter shops, seamen lolling
+about; flys and cabs are plying for hire; and a yelling chorus of donkey-boys,
+shrieking, “Ride, sir!—Donkey, sir!—I say, sir!” in excellent English, dispel
+all romantic notions. The placid sphinxes brooding o’er the Nile disappeared
+with that shriek of the donkey-boys. You might be as well impressed with
+Wapping as with your first step on Egyptian soil.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The riding of a donkey is, after all, not a dignified occupation. A man resists
+the offer at first, somehow, as an indignity. How is that poor little,
+red-saddled, long-eared creature to carry you? Is there to be one for you, and
+another for your legs? Natives and Europeans, of all sizes, pass by, it is
+true, mounted upon the same contrivance. I waited until I got into a very
+private spot, where nobody could see me, and then ascended—why not say
+descended, at once?—on the poor little animal. Instead of being crushed at
+once, as perhaps the rider expected, it darted forward, quite briskly and
+cheerfully, at six or seven miles an hour; requiring no spur or admonitive to
+haste, except the shrieking of the little Egyptian gamin, who ran along by
+asinus’s side.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The character of the houses by which you pass is scarcely Eastern at all. The
+streets are busy with a motley population of Jews and Armenians,
+slave-driving-looking Europeans, large-breeched Greeks, and well-shaven buxom
+merchants, looking as trim and fat as those on the Bourse or on ’Change; only,
+among the natives, the stranger can’t fail to remark (as the Caliph did of the
+Calenders in the “Arabian Nights”) that so many of them HAVE ONLY ONE EYE. It
+is the horrid ophthalmia which has played such frightful ravages with them. You
+see children sitting in the doorways, their eyes completely closed up with the
+green sickening sore, and the flies feeding on them. Five or six minutes of the
+donkey-ride brings you to the Frank quarter, and the handsome broad street
+(like a street of Marseilles) where the principal hotels and merchants’ houses
+are to be found, and where the consuls have their houses, and hoist their
+flags. The palace of the French Consul-General makes the grandest show in the
+street, and presents a great contrast to the humble abode of the English
+representative, who protects his fellow-countrymen from a second floor.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But that Alexandrian two-pair-front of a Consulate was more welcome and
+cheering than a palace to most of us. For there lay certain letters, with
+post-marks of HOME upon them; and kindly tidings, the first heard for two
+months:- though we had seen so many men and cities since, that Cornhill seemed
+to be a year off, at least, with certain persons dwelling (more or less) in
+that vicinity. I saw a young Oxford man seize his despatches, and slink off
+with several letters, written in a tight neat hand, and sedulously crossed;
+which any man could see, without looking farther, were the handiwork of Mary
+Ann, to whom he is attached. The lawyer received a bundle from his chambers, in
+which his clerk eased his soul regarding the state of Snooks v. Rodgers, Smith
+ats Tomkins, &amp;c. The statesman had a packet of thick envelopes, decorated
+with that profusion of sealing-wax in which official recklessness lavishes the
+resources of the country: and your humble servant got just one little modest
+letter, containing another, written in pencil characters, varying in size
+between one and two inches; but how much pleasanter to read than my Lord’s
+despatch, or the clerk’s account of Smith ats Tomkins,—yes, even than the Mary
+Ann correspondence! . . . Yes, my dear madam, you will understand me, when I
+say that it was from little Polly at home, with some confidential news about a
+cat, and the last report of her new doll.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is worth while to have made the journey for this pleasure: to have walked
+the deck on long nights, and have thought of home. You have no leisure to do so
+in the city. You don’t see the heavens shine above you so purely there, or the
+stars so clearly. How, after the perusal of the above documents, we enjoyed a
+file of the admirable Galignani; and what O’Connell was doing; and the twelve
+last new victories of the French in Algeria; and, above all, six or seven
+numbers of Punch! There might have been an avenue of Pompey’s Pillars within
+reach, and a live sphinx sporting on the banks of the Mahmoodieh Canal, and we
+would not have stirred to see them, until Punch had had his interview and
+Galignani was dismissed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The curiosities of Alexandria are few, and easily seen. We went into the
+bazaars, which have a much more Eastern look than the European quarter, with
+its Anglo-Gallic-Italian inhabitants, and Babel-like civilisation. Here and
+there a large hotel, clumsy and whitewashed, with Oriental trellised windows,
+and a couple of slouching sentinels at the doors, in the ugliest composite
+uniform that ever was seen, was pointed out as the residence of some great
+officer of the Pasha’s Court, or of one of the numerous children of the
+Egyptian Solomon. His Highness was in his own palace, and was consequently not
+visible. He was in deep grief, and strict retirement. It was at this time that
+the European newspapers announced that he was about to resign his empire; but
+the quidnuncs of Alexandria hinted that a love-affair, in which the old
+potentate had engaged with senile extravagance, and the effects of a potion of
+hachisch, or some deleterious drug, with which he was in the habit of
+intoxicating himself, had brought on that languor and desperate weariness of
+life and governing, into which the venerable Prince was plunged. Before three
+days were over, however, the fit had left him, and he determined to live and
+reign a little longer. A very few days afterwards several of our party were
+presented to him at Cairo, and found the great Egyptian ruler perfectly
+convalescent.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This, and the Opera, and the quarrels of the two prime donne, and the beauty of
+one of them, formed the chief subjects of conversation; and I had this
+important news in the shop of a certain barber in the town, who conveyed it in
+a language composed of French, Spanish, and Italian, and with a volubility
+quite worthy of a barber of “Gil Blas.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then we went to see the famous obelisk presented by Mehemet Ali to the British
+Government, who have not shown a particular alacrity to accept this ponderous
+present. The huge shaft lies on the ground, prostrate, and desecrated by all
+sorts of abominations. Children were sprawling about, attracted by the dirt
+there. Arabs, negroes, and donkey-boys were passing, quite indifferent, by the
+fallen monster of a stone—as indifferent as the British Government, who don’t
+care for recording the glorious termination of their Egyptian campaign of 1801.
+If our country takes the compliment so coolly, surely it would be disloyal upon
+our parts to be more enthusiastic. I wish they would offer the Trafalgar Square
+Pillar to the Egyptians; and that both of the huge ugly monsters were lying in
+the dirt there side by side.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Pompey’s Pillar is by no means so big as the Charing Cross trophy. This
+venerable column has not escaped ill-treatment either. Numberless ships’
+companies, travelling cockneys, &amp;c., have affixed their rude marks upon it.
+Some daring ruffian even painted the name of “Warren’s blacking” upon it,
+effacing other inscriptions,— one, Wilkinson says, of “the second
+Psammetichus.” I regret deeply, my dear friend, that I cannot give you this
+document respecting a lamented monarch, in whose history I know you take such
+an interest.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The best sight I saw in Alexandria was a negro holiday; which was celebrated
+outside of the town by a sort of negro village of huts, swarming with old,
+lean, fat, ugly, infantine, happy faces, that nature had smeared with a
+preparation even more black and durable than that with which Psammetichus’s
+base has been polished. Every one of these jolly faces was on the broad grin,
+from the dusky mother to the india-rubber child sprawling upon her back, and
+the venerable jetty senior whose wool was as white as that of a sheep in
+Florian’s pastorals.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To these dancers a couple of fellows were playing on a drum and a little banjo.
+They were singing a chorus, which was not only singular, and perfectly marked
+in the rhythm, but exceeding sweet in the tune. They danced in a circle; and
+performers came trooping from all quarters, who fell into the round, and began
+waggling their heads, and waving their left hands, and tossing up and down the
+little thin rods which they each carried, and all singing to the very best of
+their power.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I saw the chief eunuch of the Grand Turk at Constantinople pass by- -(here is
+an accurate likeness of his beautiful features {2})—but with what a different
+expression! Though he is one of the greatest of the great in the Turkish Empire
+(ranking with a Cabinet Minister or Lord Chamberlain here), his fine
+countenance was clouded with care, and savage with ennui.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here his black brethren were ragged, starving, and happy; and I need not tell
+such a fine moralist as you are, how it is the case, in the white as well as
+the black world, that happiness (republican leveller, who does not care a fig
+for the fashion) often disdains the turrets of kings, to pay a visit to the
+“tabernas pauperum.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We went the round of the coffee-houses in the evening, both the polite European
+places of resort, where you get ices and the French papers, and those in the
+town, where Greeks, Turks, and general company resort, to sit upon
+uncomfortable chairs, and drink wretched muddy coffee, and to listen to two or
+three miserable musicians, who keep up a variation of howling for hours
+together. But the pretty song of the niggers had spoiled me for that abominable
+music.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2HCH0015"></a>
+CHAPTER XV<br/>
+TO CAIRO</h2>
+
+<p>
+We had no need of hiring the country boats which ply on the Mahmoodieh Canal to
+Atfeh, where it joins the Nile, but were accommodated in one of the Peninsular
+and Oriental Company’s fly- boats; pretty similar to those narrow Irish canal
+boats in which the enterprising traveller has been carried from Dublin to
+Ballinasloe. The present boat was, to be sure, tugged by a little steamer, so
+that the Egyptian canal is ahead of the Irish in so far: in natural scenery,
+the one prospect is fully equal to the other; it must be confessed that there
+is nothing to see. In truth, there was nothing but this: you saw a muddy bank
+on each side of you, and a blue sky overhead. A few round mud-huts and
+palm-trees were planted along the line here and there. Sometimes we would see,
+on the water-side, a woman in a blue robe, with her son by her, in that tight
+brown costume with which Nature had supplied him. Now, it was a hat dropped by
+one of the party into the water; a brown Arab plunged and disappeared
+incontinently after the hat, re-issued from the muddy water, prize in hand, and
+ran naked after the little steamer (which was by this time far ahead of him),
+his brawny limbs shining in the sun: then we had half-cold fowls and bitter
+ale: then we had dinner—bitter ale and cold fowls; with which incidents the day
+on the canal passed away, as harmlessly as if we had been in a Dutch
+trackschuyt.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Towards evening we arrived at the town of Atfeh—half land, half houses, half
+palm-trees, with swarms of half-naked people crowding the rustic shady bazaars,
+and bartering their produce of fruit or many-coloured grain. Here the canal
+came to a check, ending abruptly with a large lock. A little fleet of masts and
+country ships were beyond the lock, and it led into THE NILE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After all, it is something to have seen these red waters. It is only low green
+banks, mud-huts, and palm-clumps, with the sun setting red behind them, and the
+great, dull, sinuous river flashing here and there in the light. But it is the
+Nile, the old Saturn of a stream—a divinity yet, though younger river-gods have
+deposed him. Hail! O venerable father of crocodiles! We were all lost in
+sentiments of the profoundest awe and respect; which we proved by tumbling down
+into the cabin of the Nile steamer that was waiting to receive us, and fighting
+and cheating for sleeping- berths.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At dawn in the morning we were on deck; the character had not altered of the
+scenery about the river. Vast flat stretches of land were on either side,
+recovering from the subsiding inundations: near the mud villages, a country
+ship or two was roosting under the date-trees; the landscape everywhere
+stretching away level and lonely. In the sky in the east was a long streak of
+greenish light, which widened and rose until it grew to be of an opal colour,
+then orange; then, behold, the round red disc of the sun rose flaming up above
+the horizon. All the water blushed as he got up; the deck was all red; the
+steersman gave his helm to another, and prostrated himself on the deck, and
+bowed his head eastward, and praised the Maker of the sun: it shone on his
+white turban as he was kneeling, and gilt up his bronzed face, and sent his
+blue shadow over the glowing deck. The distances, which had been grey, were now
+clothed in purple; and the broad stream was illuminated. As the sun rose
+higher, the morning blush faded away; the sky was cloudless and pale, and the
+river and the surrounding landscape were dazzlingly clear.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Looking ahead in an hour or two, we saw the Pyramids. Fancy my sensations, dear
+M -: two big ones and a little one -
+</p>
+
+<p>
+! ! !
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There they lay, rosy and solemn in the distance—those old, majestical,
+mystical, familiar edifices. Several of us tried to be impressed; but breakfast
+supervening, a rush was made at the coffee and cold pies, and the sentiment of
+awe was lost in the scramble for victuals.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Are we so blases of the world that the greatest marvels in it do not succeed in
+moving us? Have society, Pall Mall clubs, and a habit of sneering, so withered
+up our organs of veneration that we can admire no more? My sensation with
+regard to the Pyramids was, that I had seen them before: then came a feeling of
+shame that the view of them should awaken no respect. Then I wanted (naturally)
+to see whether my neighbours were any more enthusiastic than myself—Trinity
+College, Oxford, was busy with the cold ham: Downing Street was particularly
+attentive to a bunch of grapes: Figtree Court behaved with decent propriety; he
+is in good practice, and of a Conservative turn of mind, which leads him to
+respect from principle les faits accomplis: perhaps he remembered that one of
+them was as big as Lincoln’s Inn Fields. But, the truth is, nobody was
+seriously moved . . . And why should they, because of an exaggeration of bricks
+ever so enormous? I confess, for my part, that the Pyramids are very big.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After a voyage of about thirty hours, the steamer brought up at the quay of
+Boulak, amidst a small fleet of dirty comfortless cangias, in which cottons and
+merchandise were loading and unloading, and a huge noise and bustle on the
+shore. Numerous villas, parks, and country-houses had begun to decorate the
+Cairo bank of the stream ere this: residences of the Pasha’s nobles, who have
+had orders to take their pleasure here and beautify the precincts of the
+capital; tall factory chimneys also rise here; there are foundries and
+steam-engine manufactories. These, and the pleasure-houses, stand as trim as
+soldiers on parade; contrasting with the swarming, slovenly, close,
+tumble-down, Eastern old town, that forms the outport of Cairo, and was built
+before the importation of European taste and discipline.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here we alighted upon donkeys, to the full as brisk as those of Alexandria,
+invaluable to timid riders, and equal to any weight. We had a Jerusalem pony
+race into Cairo; my animal beating all the rest by many lengths. The entrance
+to the capital, from Boulak, is very pleasant and picturesque—over a fair road,
+and the wide- planted plain of the Ezbekieh; where are gardens, canals, fields,
+and avenues of trees, and where the great ones of the town come and take their
+pleasure. We saw many barouches driving about with fat Pashas lolling on the
+cushions; stately-looking colonels and doctors taking their ride, followed by
+their orderlies or footmen; lines of people taking pipes and sherbet in the
+coffee-houses; and one of the pleasantest sights of all,—a fine new white
+building with HOTEL D’ORIENT written up in huge French characters, and which,
+indeed, is an establishment as large and comfortable as most of the best inns
+of the South of France. As a hundred Christian people, or more, come from
+England and from India every fortnight, this inn has been built to accommodate
+a large proportion of them; and twice a month, at least, its sixty rooms are
+full.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The gardens from the windows give a very pleasant and animated view: the
+hotel-gate is besieged by crews of donkey-drivers; the noble stately Arab
+women, with tawny skins (of which a simple robe of floating blue cotton enables
+you liberally to see the colour) and large black eyes, come to the well hard by
+for water: camels are perpetually arriving and setting down their loads: the
+court is full of bustling dragomans, ayahs, and children from India; and poor
+old venerable he-nurses, with grey beards and crimson turbans, tending little
+white-faced babies that have seen the light at Dumdum or Futtyghur: a
+copper-coloured barber, seated on his hams, is shaving a camel-driver at the
+great inn-gate. The bells are ringing prodigiously; and Lieutenant Waghorn is
+bouncing in and out of the courtyard full of business. He only left Bombay
+yesterday morning, was seen in the Red Sea on Tuesday, is engaged to dinner
+this afternoon in the Regent’s Park, and (as it is about two minutes since I
+saw him in the courtyard) I make no doubt he is by this time at Alexandria, or
+at Malta, say, perhaps, at both. Il en est capable. If any man can be at two
+places at once (which I don’t believe or deny) Waghorn is he.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Six o’clock bell rings. Sixty people sit down to a quasi-French banquet: thirty
+Indian officers in moustaches and jackets; ten civilians in ditto and
+spectacles; ten pale-faced ladies with ringlets, to whom all pay prodigious
+attention. All the pale ladies drink pale ale, which, perhaps, accounts for it;
+in fact the Bombay and Suez passengers have just arrived, and hence this
+crowding and bustling, and display of military jackets and moustaches, and
+ringlets and beauty. The windows are open, and a rush of mosquitoes from the
+Ezbekieh waters, attracted by the wax candles, adds greatly to the excitement
+of the scene. There was a little tough old Major, who persisted in flinging
+open the windows, to admit these volatile creatures, with a noble disregard to
+their sting—and the pale ringlets did not seem to heed them either, though the
+delicate shoulders of some of them were bare.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+All the meat, ragouts, fricandeaux, and roasts, which are served round at
+dinner, seem to me to be of the same meat: a black uncertain sort of viand do
+these “fleshpots of Egypt” contain. But what the meat is no one knew: is it the
+donkey? The animal is more plentiful than any other in Cairo.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After dinner, the ladies retiring, some of us take a mixture of hot water,
+sugar, and pale French brandy, which is said to be deleterious, but is by no
+means unpalatable. One of the Indians offers a bundle of Bengal cheroots; and
+we make acquaintance with those honest bearded white-jacketed Majors and
+military Commanders, finding England here in a French hotel kept by an Italian,
+at the city of Grand Cairo, in Africa.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On retiring to bed you take a towel with you into the sacred interior, behind
+the mosquito curtains. Then your duty is, having tucked the curtains closely
+around, to flap and bang violently with this towel, right and left, and
+backwards and forwards, until every mosquito should have been massacred that
+may have taken refuge within your muslin canopy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Do what you will, however, one of them always escapes the murder; and as soon
+as the candle is out the miscreant begins his infernal droning and trumpeting;
+descends playfully upon your nose and face, and so lightly that you don’t know
+that he touches you. But that for a week afterwards you bear about marks of his
+ferocity, you might take the invisible little being to be a creature of fancy—a
+mere singing in your ears.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This, as an account of Cairo, dear M-, you will probably be disposed to
+consider as incomplete: the fact is, I have seen nothing else as yet. I have
+peered into no harems. The magicians, proved to be humbugs, have been
+bastinadoed out of town. The dancing-girls, those lovely Alme, of whom I had
+hoped to be able to give a glowing and elegant, though strictly moral,
+description, have been whipped into Upper Egypt, and as you are saying in your
+mind— Well, it ISN’T a good description of Cairo: you are perfectly right. It
+is England in Egypt. I like to see her there with her pluck, enterprise,
+manliness, bitter ale, and Harvey Sauce. Wherever they come they stay and
+prosper. From the summit of yonder Pyramids forty centuries may look down on
+them if they are minded; and I say, those venerable daughters of time ought to
+be better pleased by the examination, than by regarding the French bayonets and
+General Bonaparte, Member of the Institute, fifty years ago, running about with
+sabre and pigtail. Wonders he did, to be sure, and then ran away, leaving
+Kleber, to be murdered, in the lurch—a few hundred yards from the spot where
+these disquisitions are written. But what are his wonders compared to Waghorn?
+Nap massacred the Mamelukes at the Pyramids: Wag has conquered the Pyramids
+themselves; dragged the unwieldy structures a month nearer England than they
+were, and brought the country along with them. All the trophies and captives
+that ever were brought to Roman triumph were not so enormous and wonderful as
+this. All the heads that Napoleon ever caused to be struck off (as George
+Cruikshank says) would not elevate him a monument as big. Be ours the trophies
+of peace! O my country! O Waghorn! Hae tibi erunt artes. When I go to the
+Pyramids I will sacrifice in your name, and pour out libations of bitter ale
+and Harvey Sauce in your honour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One of the noblest views in the world is to be seen from the citadel, which we
+ascended to-day. You see the city stretching beneath it, with a thousand
+minarets and mosques,—the great river curling through the green plains, studded
+with innumerable villages. The Pyramids are beyond, brilliantly distinct; and
+the lines and fortifications of the height, and the arsenal lying below. Gazing
+down, the guide does not fail to point out the famous Mameluke leap, by which
+one of the corps escaped death, at the time that His Highness the Pasha
+arranged the general massacre of the body.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The venerable Patriarch’s harem is close by, where he received, with much
+distinction, some of the members of our party. We were allowed to pass very
+close to the sacred precincts, and saw a comfortable white European building,
+approached by flights of steps, and flanked by pretty gardens. Police and
+law-courts were here also, as I understood; but it was not the time of the
+Egyptian assizes. It would have been pleasant, otherwise, to see the Chief Cadi
+in his hall of justice; and painful, though instructive, to behold the
+immediate application of the bastinado.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The great lion of the place is a new mosque which Mehemet Ali is constructing
+very leisurely. It is built of alabaster of a fair white, with a delicate
+blushing tinge; but the ornaments are European—the noble, fantastic, beautiful
+Oriental art is forgotten. The old mosques of the city, of which I entered two,
+and looked at many, are a thousand times more beautiful. Their variety of
+ornament is astonishing,—the difference in the shapes of the domes, the
+beautiful fancies and caprices in the forms of the minarets, which violate the
+rules of proportion with the most happy daring grace, must have struck every
+architect who has seen them. As you go through the streets, these architectural
+beauties keep the eye continually charmed: now it is a marble fountain, with
+its arabesque and carved overhanging roof, which you can look at with as much
+pleasure as an antique gem, so neat and brilliant is the execution of it; then,
+you come to the arched entrance to a mosque, which shoots up like—like
+what?—like the most beautiful pirouette by Taglioni, let us say. This
+architecture is not sublimely beautiful, perfect loveliness and calm, like that
+which was revealed to us at the Parthenon (and in comparison of which the
+Pantheon and Colosseum are vulgar and coarse, mere broad-shouldered Titans
+before ambrosial Jove); but these fantastic spires, and cupolas, and galleries,
+excite, amuse, tickle the imagination, so to speak, and perpetually fascinate
+the eye. There were very few believers in the famous mosque of Sultan Hassan
+when we visited it, except the Moslemitish beadle, who was on the look-out for
+backsheesh, just like his brother officer in an English cathedral; and who,
+making us put on straw slippers, so as not to pollute the sacred pavement of
+the place, conducted us through it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It is stupendously light and airy; the best specimens of Norman art that I have
+seen (and surely the Crusaders must have carried home the models of these
+heathenish temples in their eyes) do not exceed its noble grace and simplicity.
+The mystics make discoveries at home, that the Gothic architecture is
+Catholicism carved in stone— (in which case, and if architectural beauty is a
+criterion or expression of religion, what a dismal barbarous creed must that
+expressed by the Bethesda meeting-house and Independent chapels be?)—if, as
+they would gravely hint, because Gothic architecture is beautiful, Catholicism
+is therefore lovely and right,—why, Mahometanism must have been right and
+lovely too once. Never did a creed possess temples more elegant; as elegant as
+the Cathedral at Rouen, or the Baptistery at Pisa.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But it is changed now. There was nobody at prayers; only the official beadles,
+and the supernumerary guides, who came for backsheesh. Faith hath degenerated.
+Accordingly they can’t build these mosques, or invent these perfect forms, any
+more. Witness the tawdry incompleteness and vulgarity of the Pasha’s new
+temple, and the woful failures among the very late edifices in Constantinople!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, they still make pilgrimages to Mecca in great force. The Mosque of
+Hassan is hard by the green plain on which the Hag encamps before it sets forth
+annually on its pious peregrination. It was not yet its time, but I saw in the
+bazaars that redoubted Dervish, who is the master of the Hag—the leader of
+every procession, accompanying the sacred camel; and a personage almost as much
+respected as Mr. O’Connell in Ireland.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This fellow lives by alms (I mean the head of the Hag). Winter and summer he
+wears no clothes but a thin and scanty white shirt. He wields a staff, and
+stalks along scowling and barefoot. His immense shock of black hair streams
+behind him, and his brown brawny body is curled over with black hair, like a
+savage man. This saint has the largest harem in the town; he is said to be
+enormously rich by the contributions he has levied; and is so adored for his
+holiness by the infatuated folk, that when he returns from the Hag (which he
+does on horseback, the chief Mollahs going out to meet him and escort him home
+in state along the Ezbekieh road), the people fling themselves down under the
+horse’s feet, eager to be trampled upon and killed, and confident of heaven if
+the great Hadji’s horse will but kick them into it. Was it my fault if I
+thought of Hadji Daniel, and the believers in him?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was no Dervish of repute on the plain when I passed; only one poor wild
+fellow, who was dancing, with glaring eyes and grizzled beard, rather to the
+contempt of the bystanders, as I thought, who by no means put coppers into his
+extended bowl. On this poor devil’s head there was a poorer devil still—a live
+cock, entirely plucked, but ornamented with some bits of ragged tape and
+scarlet and tinsel, the most horribly grotesque and miserable object I ever
+saw.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A little way from him, there was a sort of play going on—a clown and a knowing
+one, like Widdicombe and the clown with us,—the buffoon answering with
+blundering responses, which made all the audience shout with laughter; but the
+only joke which was translated to me would make you do anything but laugh, and
+shall therefore never be revealed by these lips. All their humour, my dragoman
+tells me, is of this questionable sort; and a young Egyptian gentleman, son of
+a Pasha, whom I subsequently met at Malta, confirmed the statement, and gave a
+detail of the practices of private life which was anything but edifying. The
+great aim of woman, he said, in the much-maligned Orient, is to administer to
+the brutality of her lord; her merit is in knowing how to vary the beast’s
+pleasures. He could give us no idea, he said, of the wit of the Egyptian women,
+and their skill in double entendre; nor, I presume, did we lose much by our
+ignorance. What I would urge, humbly, however, is this—Do not let us be led
+away by German writers and aesthetics, Semilassoisms, Hahnhahnisms, and the
+like. The life of the East is a life of brutes. The much maligned Orient, I am
+confident, has not been maligned near enough; for the good reason that none of
+us can tell the amount of horrible sensuality practised there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Beyond the Jack-pudding rascal and his audience, there was on the green a spot,
+on which was pointed out to me a mark, as of blood. That morning the blood had
+spouted from the neck of an Arnaoot soldier, who had been executed for murder.
+These Arnaoots are the curse and terror of the citizens. Their camps are
+without the city; but they are always brawling, or drunken, or murdering
+within, in spite of the rigid law which is applied to them, and which brings
+one or more of the scoundrels to death almost every week.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Some of our party had seen this fellow borne by the hotel the day before, in
+the midst of a crowd of soldiers who had apprehended him. The man was still
+formidable to his score of captors: his clothes had been torn off; his limbs
+were bound with cords; but he was struggling frantically to get free; and my
+informant described the figure and appearance of the naked, bound, writhing
+savage, as quite a model of beauty.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Walking in the street, this fellow had just before been struck by the looks of
+a woman who was passing, and laid hands on her. She ran away, and he pursued
+her. She ran into the police-barrack, which was luckily hard by; but the
+Arnaoot was nothing daunted, and followed into the midst of the police. One of
+them tried to stop him. The Arnaoot pulled out a pistol, and shot the policeman
+dead. He cut down three or four more before he was secured. He knew his
+inevitable end must be death: that he could not seize upon the woman: that he
+could not hope to resist half a regiment of armed soldiers: yet his instinct of
+lust and murder was too strong; and so he had his head taken off quite calmly
+this morning, many of his comrades attending their brother’s last moments. He
+cared not the least about dying; and knelt down and had his head off as coolly
+as if he were looking on at the same ceremony performed on another.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the head was off, and the blood was spouting on the ground, a married
+woman, who had no children, came forward very eagerly out of the crowd, to
+smear herself with it,—the application of criminals’ blood being considered a
+very favourable medicine for women afflicted with barrenness,—so she indulged
+in this remedy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But one of the Arnaoots standing near said, “What, you like blood, do you?” (or
+words to that effect). “Let’s see how yours mixes with my comrade’s.” And
+thereupon, taking out a pistol, he shot the woman in the midst of the crowd and
+the guards who were attending the execution; was seized of course by the
+latter; and no doubt to-morrow morning will have HIS head off too. It would be
+a good chapter to write—the Death of the Arnaoot—but I shan’t go. Seeing one
+man hanged is quite enough in the course of a life. J’y ai ete, as the
+Frenchman said of hunting.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These Arnaoots are the terror of the town. They seized hold of an Englishman
+the other day, and were very nearly pistolling him. Last week one of them
+murdered a shopkeeper at Boulak, who refused to sell him a water-melon at a
+price which he, the soldier, fixed upon it. So, for the matter of
+three-halfpence, he killed the shopkeeper; and had his own rascally head
+chopped off, universally regretted by his friends. Why, I wonder, does not His
+Highness the Pasha invite the Arnaoots to a dejeuner at the Citadel, as he did
+the Mamelukes, and serve them up the same sort of breakfast? The walls are
+considerably heightened since Emin Bey and his horse leapt them, and it is
+probable that not one of them would escape.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This sort of pistol practice is common enough here, it would appear; and not
+among the Arnaoots merely, but the higher orders. Thus, a short time since, one
+of His Highness’s grandsons, whom I shall call Bluebeard Pasha (lest a
+revelation of the name of the said Pasha might interrupt our good relations
+with his country)— one of the young Pashas being rather backward in his
+education, and anxious to learn mathematics, and the elegant deportment of
+civilised life, sent to England for a tutor. I have heard he was a Cambridge
+man, and had learned both algebra and politeness under the Reverend Doctor
+Whizzle, of—College.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+One day when Mr. MacWhirter, B.A., was walking in Shoubra Gardens, with His
+Highness the young Bluebeard Pasha, inducting him into the usages of polished
+society, and favouring him with reminiscences of Trumpington, there came up a
+poor fellah, who flung himself at the feet of young Bluebeard, and calling for
+justice in a loud and pathetic voice, and holding out a petition, besought His
+Highness to cast a gracious eye upon the same, and see that his slave had
+justice done him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Bluebeard Pasha was so deeply engaged and interested by his respected tutor’s
+conversation, that he told the poor fellah to go to the deuce, and resumed the
+discourse which his ill-timed outcry for justice had interrupted. But the
+unlucky wight of a fellah was pushed by his evil destiny, and thought he would
+make yet another application. So he took a short cut down one of the garden
+lanes, and as the Prince and the Reverend Mr. MacWhirter, his tutor, came along
+once more engaged in pleasant disquisition, behold the fellah was once more in
+their way, kneeling at the august Bluebeard’s feet, yelling out for justice as
+before, and thrusting his petition into the Royal face.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the Prince’s conversation was thus interrupted a second time, his Royal
+patience and clemency were at an end. “Man,” said he, “once before I bade thee
+not to pester me with thy clamour, and lo! you have disobeyed me,—take the
+consequences of disobedience to a Prince, and thy blood be upon thine own
+head.” So saying, he drew out a pistol and blew out the brains of that fellah,
+so that he never bawled out for justice any more.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Reverend Mr. MacWhirter was astonished at this sudden mode of proceeding:
+“Gracious Prince,” said he, “we do not shoot an undergraduate at Cambridge even
+for walking over a college grass- plot.—Let me suggest to your Royal Highness
+that this method of ridding yourself of a poor devil’s importunities is such as
+we should consider abrupt and almost cruel in Europe. Let me beg you to
+moderate your Royal impetuosity for the future; and, as your Highness’s tutor,
+entreat you to be a little less prodigal of your powder and shot.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“O Mollah!” said His Highness, here interrupting his governor’s affectionate
+appeal,—“you are good to talk about Trumpington and the Pons Asinorum, but if
+you interfere with the course of justice in any way, or prevent me from
+shooting any dog of an Arab who snarls at my heels, I have another pistol; and,
+by the beard of the Prophet! a bullet for you too.” So saying he pulled out the
+weapon, with such a terrific and significant glance at the Reverend Mr.
+MacWhirter, that that gentleman wished himself back in his Combination Room
+again; and is by this time, let us hope, safely housed there.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Another facetious anecdote, the last of those I had from a well- informed
+gentleman residing at Cairo, whose name (as many copies of this book that is to
+be will be in the circulating libraries there) I cannot, for obvious reasons,
+mention. The revenues of the country come into the august treasury through the
+means of farmers, to whom the districts are let out, and who are personally
+answerable for their quota of the taxation. This practice involves an
+intolerable deal of tyranny and extortion on the part of those engaged to levy
+the taxes, and creates a corresponding duplicity among the fellahs, who are not
+only wretchedly poor among themselves, but whose object is to appear still more
+poor, and guard their money from their rapacious overseers. Thus the Orient is
+much maligned; but everybody cheats there: that is a melancholy fact. The Pasha
+robs and cheats the merchants; knows that the overseer robs him, and bides his
+time, until he makes him disgorge by the application of the tremendous
+bastinado; the overseer robs and squeezes the labourer; and the
+poverty-stricken devil cheats and robs in return; and so the government moves
+in a happy cycle of roguery.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Deputations from the fellahs and peasants come perpetually before the august
+presence, to complain of the cruelty and exactions of the chiefs set over them:
+but, as it is known that the Arab never will pay without the bastinado, their
+complaints, for the most part, meet with but little attention. His Highness’s
+treasury must be filled, and his officers supported in their authority.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, there was one village, of which the complaints were so pathetic, and
+the inhabitants so supremely wretched, that the Royal indignation was moved at
+their story, and the chief of the village, Skinflint Beg, was called to give an
+account of himself at Cairo.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When he came before the presence, Mehemet Ali reproached him with his horrible
+cruelty and exactions; asked him how he dared to treat his faithful and beloved
+subjects in this way, and threatened him with disgrace, and the utter
+confiscation of his property, for thus having reduced a district to ruin.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“Your Highness says I have reduced these fellahs to ruin,” said Skinflint Beg:
+“what is the best way to confound my enemies, and to show you the falsehood of
+their accusations that I have ruined them?—To bring more money from them. If I
+bring you five hundred purses from my village, will you acknowledge that my
+people are not ruined yet?”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The heart of the Pasha was touched: “I will have no more bastinadoing, O
+Skinflint Beg; you have tortured these poor people so much, and have got so
+little from them, that my Royal heart relents for the present, and I will have
+them suffer no farther.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+“Give me free leave—give me your Highness’s gracious pardon, and I will bring
+the five hundred purses as surely as my name is Skinflint Beg. I demand only
+the time to go home, the time to return, and a few days to stay, and I will
+come back as honestly as Regulus Pasha did to the Carthaginians,—I will come
+back and make my face white before your Highness.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Skinflint Beg’s prayer for a reprieve was granted, and he returned to his
+village, where he forthwith called the elders together. “O friends,” he said,
+“complaints of our poverty and misery have reached the Royal throne, and the
+benevolent heart of the Sovereign has been melted by the words that have been
+poured into his ears. ‘My heart yearns towards my people of El Muddee,’ he
+says; ‘I have thought how to relieve their miseries. Near them lies the
+fruitful land of El Guanee. It is rich in maize and cotton, in sesame and
+barley; it is worth a thousand purses; but I will let it to my children for
+seven hundred, and I will give over the rest of the profit to them, as an
+alleviation for their affliction.’”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The elders of El Muddee knew the great value and fertility of the lands of
+Guanee, but they doubted the sincerity of their governor, who, however,
+dispelled their fears, and adroitly quickened their eagerness to close with the
+proffered bargain. “I will myself advance two hundred and fifty purses,” he
+said; “do you take counsel among yourselves, and subscribe the other five
+hundred; and when the sum is ready, a deputation of you shall carry it to
+Cairo, and I will come with my share; and we will lay the whole at the feet of
+His Highness.” So the grey-bearded ones of the village advised with one
+another; and those who had been inaccessible to bastinadoes, somehow found
+money at the calling of interest; and the Sheikh, and they, and the five
+hundred purses, set off on the road to the capital.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When they arrived, Skinflint Beg and the elders of El Muddee sought admission
+to the Royal throne, and there laid down their purses. “Here is your humble
+servant’s contribution,” said Skinflint, producing his share; “and here is the
+offering of your loyal village of El Muddee. Did I not before say that enemies
+and deceivers had maligned me before the august presence, pretending that not a
+piastre was left in my village, and that my extortion had entirely denuded the
+peasantry? See! here is proof that there is plenty of money still in El Muddee:
+in twelve hours the elders have subscribed five hundred purses, and lay them at
+the feet of their lord.”
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Instead of the bastinado, Skinflint Beg was instantly rewarded with the Royal
+favour, and the former mark of attention was bestowed upon the fellahs who had
+maligned him; Skinflint Beg was promoted to the rank of Skinflint Bey; and his
+manner of extracting money from his people may be studied with admiration in a
+part of the United Kingdom. {3}
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At the time of the Syrian quarrel, and when, apprehending some general rupture
+with England, the Pasha wished to raise the spirit of the fellahs, and relever
+la morale nationale, he actually made one of the astonished Arabs a colonel. He
+degraded him three days after peace was concluded. The young Egyptian colonel,
+who told me this, laughed and enjoyed the joke with the utmost gusto. “Is it
+not a shame,” he said, “to make me a colonel at three-and-twenty; I, who have
+no particular merit, and have never seen any service?” Death has since stopped
+the modest and good-natured young fellow’s further promotion. The death of—Bey
+was announced in the French papers a few weeks back.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My above kind-hearted and agreeable young informant used to discourse, in our
+evenings in the Lazaretto at Malta, very eloquently about the beauty of his
+wife, whom he had left behind him at Cairo—her brown hair, her brilliant
+complexion, and her blue eyes. It is this Circassian blood, I suppose, to which
+the Turkish aristocracy that governs Egypt must be indebted for the fairness of
+their skin. Ibrahim Pasha, riding by in his barouche, looked like a bluff
+jolly-faced English dragoon officer, with a grey moustache and red cheeks, such
+as you might see on a field-day at Maidstone. All the numerous officials riding
+through the town were quite as fair as Europeans. We made acquaintance with one
+dignitary, a very jovial and fat Pasha, the proprietor of the inn, I believe,
+who was continually lounging about the Ezbekieh garden, and who, but for a
+slight Jewish cast of countenance, might have passed any day for a Frenchman.
+The ladies whom we saw were equally fair; that is, the very slight particles of
+the persons of ladies which our lucky eyes were permitted to gaze on. These
+lovely creatures go through the town by parties of three or four, mounted on
+donkeys, and attended by slaves holding on at the crupper, to receive the
+lovely riders lest they should fall, and shouting out shrill cries of
+“Schmaalek,” “Ameenek” (or however else these words may be pronounced), and
+flogging off the people right and left with the buffalo-thong. But the dear
+creatures are even more closely disguised than at Constantinople: their bodies
+are enveloped with a large black silk hood, like a cab-head; the fashion seemed
+to be to spread their arms out, and give this covering all the amplitude of
+which it was capable, as they leered and ogled you from under their black masks
+with their big rolling eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Everybody has big rolling eyes here (unless, to be sure, they lose one of
+ophthalmia). The Arab women are some of the noblest figures I have ever seen.
+The habit of carrying jars on the head always gives the figure grace and
+motion; and the dress the women wear certainly displays it to full advantage. I
+have brought a complete one home with me, at the service of any lady for a
+masqued ball. It consists of a coarse blue dress of calico, open in front, and
+fastened with a horn button. Three yards of blue stuff for a veil; on the top
+of the veil a jar to be balanced on the head; and a little black strip of silk
+to fall over the nose, and leave the beautiful eyes full liberty to roll and
+roam. But such a costume, not aided by any stays or any other article of dress
+whatever, can be worn only by a very good figure. I suspect it won’t be
+borrowed for many balls next season.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The men, a tall, handsome, noble race, are treated like dogs. I shall never
+forget riding through the crowded bazaars, my interpreter, or laquais-de-place,
+ahead of me to clear the way— when he took his whip, and struck it over the
+shoulders of a man who could not or would not make way!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The man turned round—an old, venerable, handsome face, with awfully sad eyes,
+and a beard long and quite grey. He did not make the least complaint, but slunk
+out of the way, piteously shaking his shoulder. The sight of that indignity
+gave me a sickening feeling of disgust. I shouted out to the cursed lackey to
+hold his hand, and forbade him ever in my presence to strike old or young more;
+but everybody is doing it. The whip is in everybody’s hands: the Pasha’s
+running footman, as he goes bustling through the bazaar; the doctor’s
+attendant, as he soberly threads the crowd on his mare; the negro slave, who is
+riding by himself, the most insolent of all, strikes and slashes about without
+mercy, and you never hear a single complaint.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How to describe the beauty of the streets to you!—the fantastic splendour; the
+variety of the houses, and archways, and hanging roofs, and balconies, and
+porches; the delightful accidents of light and shade which chequer them: the
+noise, the bustle, the brilliancy of the crowd; the interminable vast bazaars
+with their barbaric splendour. There is a fortune to be made for painters in
+Cairo, and materials for a whole Academy of them. I never saw such a variety of
+architecture, of life, of picturesqueness, of brilliant colour, and light and
+shade. There is a picture in every street, and at every bazaar stall. Some of
+these our celebrated water-colour painter, Mr. Lewis, has produced with
+admirable truth and exceeding minuteness and beauty; but there is room for a
+hundred to follow him; and should any artist (by some rare occurrence) read
+this, who has leisure, and wants to break new ground, let him take heart, and
+try a winter in Cairo, where there is the finest climate and the best subjects
+for his pencil.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A series of studies of negroes alone would form a picturebook, delightfully
+grotesque. Mounting my donkey to-day, I took a ride to the desolate noble old
+buildings outside the city, known as the Tombs of the Caliphs. Every one of
+these edifices, with their domes, and courts, and minarets, is strange and
+beautiful. In one of them there was an encampment of negro slaves newly
+arrived: some scores of them were huddled against the sunny wall; two or three
+of their masters lounged about the court, or lay smoking upon carpets. There
+was one of these fellows, a straight-nosed ebony- faced Abyssinian, with an
+expression of such sinister good-humour in his handsome face as would form a
+perfect type of villany. He sat leering at me, over his carpet, as I
+endeavoured to get a sketch of that incarnate rascality. “Give me some money,”
+said the fellow. “I know what you are about. You will sell my picture for money
+when you get back to Europe; let me have some of it now!” But the very rude and
+humble designer was quite unable to depict such a consummation and perfection
+of roguery; so flung him a cigar, which he began to smoke, grinning at the
+giver. I requested the interpreter to inform him, by way of assurance of my
+disinterestedness, that his face was a great deal too ugly to be popular in
+Europe, and that was the particular reason why I had selected it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Then one of his companions got up and showed us his black cattle. The male
+slaves were chiefly lads, and the women young, well formed, and abominably
+hideous. The dealer pulled her blanket off one of them, and bade her stand up,
+which she did with a great deal of shuddering modesty. She was coal black, her
+lips were the size of sausages, her eyes large and good-humoured; the hair or
+wool on this young person’s head was curled and greased into a thousand filthy
+little ringlets. She was evidently the beauty of the flock.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+They are not unhappy: they look to being bought, as many a spinster looks to an
+establishment in England; once in a family they are kindly treated and well
+clothed, and fatten, and are the merriest people of the whole community. These
+were of a much more savage sort than the slaves I had seen in the horrible
+market at Constantinople, where I recollect the following young creature—{2}
+(indeed it is a very fair likeness of her) whilst I was looking at her and
+forming pathetic conjectures regarding her fate—smiling very good-humouredly,
+and bidding the interpreter ask me to buy her for twenty pounds.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+From these Tombs of the Caliphs the Desert is before you. It comes up to the
+walls of the city, and stops at some gardens which spring up all of a sudden at
+its edge. You can see the first Station- house on the Suez Road; and so from
+distance-point to point, could ride thither alone without a guide.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Asinus trotted gallantly into this desert for the space of a quarter of an
+hour. There we were (taking care to keep our back to the city walls), in the
+real actual desert: mounds upon mounds of sand, stretching away as far as the
+eye can see, until the dreary prospect fades away in the yellow horizon! I had
+formed a finer idea of it out of “Eothen.” Perhaps in a simoom it may look more
+awful. The only adventure that befell in this romantic place was that Asinus’s
+legs went deep into a hole: whereupon his rider went over his head, and bit the
+sand, and measured his length there; and upon this hint rose up, and rode home
+again. No doubt one should have gone out for a couple of days’ march—as it was,
+the desert did not seem to me sublime, only UNCOMFORTABLE.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Very soon after this perilous adventure the sun likewise dipped into the sand
+(but not to rise therefrom so quickly as I had done); and I saw this daily
+phenomenon of sunset with pleasure, for I was engaged at that hour to dine with
+our old friend J-, who has established himself here in the most complete
+Oriental fashion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+You remember J-, and what a dandy he was, the faultlessness of his boots and
+cravats, the brilliancy of his waistcoats and kid-gloves; we have seen his
+splendour in Regent Street, in the Tuileries, or on the Toledo. My first object
+on arriving here was to find out his house, which he has taken far away from
+the haunts of European civilisation, in the Arab quarter. It is situated in a
+cool, shady, narrow alley; so narrow, that it was with great difficulty— His
+Highness Ibrahim Pasha happening to pass at the same moment— that my little
+procession of two donkeys, mounted by self and valet-de-place, with the two
+donkey-boys our attendants, could range ourselves along the wall, and leave
+room for the august cavalcade. His Highness having rushed on (with an affable
+and good-humoured salute to our imposing party), we made J.’s quarters; and, in
+the first place, entered a broad covered court or porch, where a swarthy tawny
+attendant, dressed in blue, with white turban, keeps a perpetual watch.
+Servants in the East lie about all the doors, it appears; and you clap your
+hands, as they do in the dear old “Arabian Nights,” to summon them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This servant disappeared through a narrow wicket, which he closed after him;
+and went into the inner chambers, to ask if his lord would receive us. He came
+back presently, and rising up from my donkey, I confided him to his attendant
+(lads more sharp, arch, and wicked than these donkey-boys don’t walk the pave
+of Paris or London), and passed the mysterious outer door.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+First we came into a broad open court, with a covered gallery running along one
+side of it. A camel was reclining on the grass there; near him was a gazelle,
+to glad J- with his dark blue eye; and a numerous brood of hens and chickens,
+who furnish his liberal table. On the opposite side of the covered gallery rose
+up the walls of his long, queer, many-windowed, many-galleried house. There
+were wooden lattices to those arched windows, through the diamonds of one of
+which I saw two of the most beautiful, enormous, ogling black eyes in the
+world, looking down upon the interesting stranger. Pigeons were flapping, and
+hopping, and fluttering, and cooing about. Happy pigeons, you are, no doubt,
+fed with crumbs from the henne-tipped fingers of Zuleika! All this court,
+cheerful in the sunshine, cheerful with the astonishing brilliancy of the eyes
+peering out from the lattice-bars, was as mouldy, ancient, and ruinous—as any
+gentleman’s house in Ireland, let us say. The paint was peeling off the rickety
+old carved galleries; the arabesques over the windows were chipped and
+worn;—the ancientness of the place rendered it doubly picturesque. I have
+detained you a long time in the outer court. Why the deuce was Zuleika there,
+with the beautiful black eyes?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Hence we passed into a large apartment, where there was a fountain; and another
+domestic made his appearance, taking me in charge, and relieving the tawny
+porter of the gate. This fellow was clad in blue too, with a red sash and a
+grey beard. He conducted me into a great hall, where there was a great, large
+Saracenic oriel window. He seated me on a divan; and stalking off, for a
+moment, returned with a long pipe and a brass chafing-dish: he blew the coal
+for the pipe, which he motioned me to smoke, and left me there with a
+respectful bow. This delay, this mystery of servants, that outer court with the
+camels, gazelles, and other beautiful-eyed things, affected me prodigiously all
+the time he was staying away; and while I was examining the strange apartment
+and its contents, my respect and awe for the owner increased vastly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As you will be glad to know how an Oriental nobleman (such as J— undoubtedly
+is) is lodged and garnished, let me describe the contents of this hall of
+audience. It is about forty feet long, and eighteen or twenty high. All the
+ceiling is carved, gilt, painted and embroidered with arabesques, and choice
+sentences of Eastern writing. Some Mameluke Aga, or Bey, whom Mehemet Ali
+invited to breakfast and massacred, was the proprietor of this mansion once: it
+has grown dingier, but, perhaps, handsomer, since his time. Opposite the divan
+is a great bay-window, with a divan likewise round the niche. It looks out upon
+a garden about the size of Fountain Court, Temple; surrounded by the tall
+houses of the quarter. The garden is full of green. A great palm-tree springs
+up in the midst, with plentiful shrubberies, and a talking fountain. The room
+beside the divan is furnished with one deal table, value five shillings; four
+wooden chairs, value six shillings; and a couple of mats and carpets. The table
+and chairs are luxuries imported from Europe. The regular Oriental dinner is
+put upon copper trays, which are laid upon low stools. Hence J- Effendi’s house
+may be said to be much more sumptuously furnished than those of the Beys and
+Agas his neighbours.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When these things had been examined at leisure, J- appeared. Could it be the
+exquisite of the “Europa” and the “Trois Freres”? A man- -in a long yellow
+gown, with a long beard somewhat tinged with grey, with his head shaved, and
+wearing on it, first, a white wadded cotton nightcap; second, a red
+tarboosh—made his appearance and welcomed me cordially. It was some time, as
+the Americans say, before I could “realise” the semillant J- of old times.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He shuffled off his outer slippers before he curled up on the divan beside me.
+He clapped his hands, and languidly called “Mustapha.” Mustapha came with more
+lights, pipes, and coffee; and then we fell to talking about London, and I gave
+him the last news of the comrades in that dear city. As we talked, his Oriental
+coolness and languor gave way to British cordiality; he was the most amusing
+companion of the club once more.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He has adapted himself outwardly, however, to the Oriental life. When he goes
+abroad he rides a grey horse with red housings, and has two servants to walk
+beside him. He wears a very handsome grave costume of dark blue, consisting of
+an embroidered jacket and gaiters, and a pair of trousers, which would make a
+set of dresses for an English family. His beard curls nobly over his chest, his
+Damascus scimitar on his thigh. His red cap gives him a venerable and Bey-like
+appearance. There is no gewgaw or parade about him, as in some of your
+dandified young Agas. I should say that he is a Major-General of Engineers, or
+a grave officer of State. We and the Turkified European, who found us at
+dinner, sat smoking in solemn divan.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+His dinners were excellent; they were cooked by a regular Egyptian female cook.
+We had delicate cucumbers stuffed with forced-meats; yellow smoking pilaffs,
+the pride of the Oriental cuisine; kid and fowls a l’Aboukir and a la Pyramide:
+a number of little savoury plates of legumes of the vegetable-marrow sort:
+kibobs with an excellent sauce of plums and piquant herbs. We ended the repast
+with ruby pomegranates, pulled to pieces, deliciously cool and pleasant. For
+the meats, we certainly ate them with the Infidel knife and fork; but for the
+fruit, we put our hands into the dish and flicked them into our mouths in what
+cannot but be the true Oriental manner. I asked for lamb and pistachio-nuts,
+and cream- tarts au poivre; but J.’s cook did not furnish us with either of
+those historic dishes. And for drink, we had water freshened in the porous
+little pots of grey clay, at whose spout every traveller in the East has sucked
+delighted. Also, it must be confessed, we drank certain sherbets, prepared by
+the two great rivals, Hadji Hodson and Bass Bey—the bitterest and most
+delicious of draughts! O divine Hodson! a camel’s load of thy beer came from
+Beyrout to Jerusalem while we were there. How shall I ever forget the joy
+inspired by one of those foaming cool flasks?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We don’t know the luxury of thirst in English climes. Sedentary men in cities
+at least have seldom ascertained it; but when they travel, our countrymen guard
+against it well. The road between Cairo and Suez is jonche with soda-water
+corks. Tom Thumb and his brothers might track their way across the desert by
+those landmarks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cairo is magnificently picturesque: it is fine to have palm-trees in your
+gardens, and ride about on a camel; but, after all, I was anxious to know what
+were the particular excitements of Eastern life, which detained J-, who is a
+town-bred man, from his natural pleasures and occupations in London; where his
+family don’t hear from him, where his room is still kept ready at home, and his
+name is on the list of his club; and where his neglected sisters tremble to
+think that their Frederick is going about with a great beard and a crooked
+sword, dressed up like an odious Turk. In a “lark” such a costume may be very
+well; but home, London, a razor, your sister to make tea, a pair of moderate
+Christian breeches in lieu of those enormous Turkish shulwars, are vastly more
+convenient in the long run. What was it that kept him away from these decent
+and accustomed delights?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It couldn’t be the black eyes in the balcony—upon his honour she was only the
+black cook, who has done the pilaff, and stuffed the cucumbers. No, it was an
+indulgence of laziness such as Europeans, Englishmen, at least, don’t know how
+to enjoy. Here he lives like a languid Lotus-eater—a dreamy, hazy, lazy,
+tobaccofied life. He was away from evening parties, he said: he needn’t wear
+white kid gloves, or starched neckcloths, or read a newspaper. And even this
+life at Cairo was too civilised for him: Englishmen passed through; old
+acquaintances would call: the great pleasure of pleasures was life in the
+desert,—under the tents, with still more nothing to do than in Cairo; now
+smoking, now cantering on Arabs, and no crowd to jostle you; solemn
+contemplations of the stars at night, as the camels were picketed, and the
+fires and the pipes were lighted.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The night-scene in the city is very striking for its vastness and loneliness.
+Everybody has gone to rest long before ten o’clock. There are no lights in the
+enormous buildings; only the stars blazing above, with their astonishing
+brilliancy, in the blue peaceful sky. Your guides carry a couple of little
+lanterns which redouble the darkness in the solitary echoing street. Mysterious
+people are curled up and sleeping in the porches. A patrol of soldiers passes,
+and hails you. There is a light yet in one mosque, where some devotees are at
+prayers all night; and you hear the queerest nasal music proceeding from those
+pious believers. As you pass the madhouse, there is one poor fellow still
+talking to the moon—no sleep for him. He howls and sings there all the
+night—quite cheerfully, however. He has not lost his vanity with his reason: he
+is a Prince in spite of the bars and the straw.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+What to say about those famous edifices, which has not been better said
+elsewhere?—but you will not believe that we visited them, unless I bring some
+token from them. Here is one:- {2}
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That white-capped lad skipped up the stones with a jug of water in his hand, to
+refresh weary climbers; and squatting himself down on the summit, was designed
+as you see. The vast flat landscape stretches behind him; the great winding
+river; the purple city, with forts, and domes, and spires; the green fields,
+and palm- groves, and speckled villages; the plains still covered with shining
+inundations—the landscape stretches far far away, until it is lost and mingled
+in the golden horizon. It is poor work this landscape-painting in print.
+Shelley’s two sonnets are the best views that I know of the Pyramids—better
+than the reality; for a man may lay down the book, and in quiet fancy conjure
+up a picture out of these magnificent words, which shan’t be disturbed by any
+pettinesses or mean realities,—such as the swarms of howling beggars, who
+jostle you about the actual place, and scream in your ears incessantly, and
+hang on your skirts, and bawl for money.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The ride to the Pyramids is one of the pleasantest possible. In the fall of the
+year, though the sky is almost cloudless above you, the sun is not too hot to
+bear; and the landscape, refreshed by the subsiding inundations, delightfully
+green and cheerful. We made up a party of some half-dozen from the hotel, a
+lady (the kind soda- water provider, for whose hospitality the most grateful
+compliments are hereby offered) being of the company, bent like the rest upon
+going to the summit of Cheops. Those who were cautious and wise, took a brace
+of donkeys. At least five times during the route did my animals fall with me,
+causing me to repeat the desert experiment over again, but with more success.
+The space between a moderate pair of legs and the ground, is not many inches.
+By eschewing stirrups, the donkey could fall, and the rider alight on the
+ground, with the greatest ease and grace. Almost everybody was down and up
+again in the course of the day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We passed through the Ezbekieh and by the suburbs of the town, where the
+garden-houses of the Egyptian noblesse are situated, to Old Cairo, where a
+ferry-boat took the whole party across the Nile, with that noise and bawling
+volubility in which the Arab people seem to be so unlike the grave and silent
+Turks; and so took our course for some eight or ten miles over the devious
+tract which the still outlying waters obliged us to pursue. The Pyramids were
+in sight the whole way. One or two thin silvery clouds were hovering over them,
+and casting delicate rosy shadows upon the grand simple old piles. Along the
+track we saw a score of pleasant pictures of Eastern life:- The Pasha’s horses
+and slaves stood caparisoned at his door; at the gate of one country-house, I
+am sorry to say, the Bey’s GIG was in waiting,—a most unromantic chariot; the
+husbandmen were coming into the city, with their strings of donkeys and their
+loads; as they arrived, they stopped and sucked at the fountain: a column of
+red-capped troops passed to drill, with slouched gait, white uniforms, and
+glittering bayonets. Then we had the pictures at the quay: the ferryboat, and
+the red-sailed river-boat, getting under way, and bound up the stream. There
+was the grain market, and the huts on the opposite side; and that beautiful
+woman, with silver armlets, and a face the colour of gold, which (the nose-bag
+having been luckily removed) beamed solemnly on us Europeans, like a great
+yellow harvest moon. The bunches of purpling dates were pending from the
+branches; grey cranes or herons were flying over the cool shining lakes, that
+the river’s overflow had left behind; water was gurgling through the courses by
+the rude locks and barriers formed there, and overflowing this patch of ground;
+whilst the neighbouring field was fast budding into the more brilliant fresh
+green. Single dromedaries were stepping along, their riders lolling on their
+hunches; low sail-boats were lying in the canals; now, we crossed an old marble
+bridge; now, we went, one by one, over a ridge of slippery earth; now, we
+floundered through a small lake of mud. At last, at about half-a-mile off the
+Pyramid, we came to a piece of water some two-score yards broad, where a
+regiment of half-naked Arabs, seizing upon each individual of the party, bore
+us off on their shoulders, to the laughter of all, and the great perplexity of
+several, who every moment expected to be pitched into one of the many holes
+with which the treacherous lake abounded.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was nothing but joking and laughter, bullying of guides, shouting for
+interpreters, quarrelling about sixpences. We were acting a farce, with the
+Pyramids for the scene. There they rose up enormous under our eyes, and the
+most absurd trivial things were going on under their shadow. The sublime had
+disappeared, vast as they were. Do you remember how Gulliver lost his awe of
+the tremendous Brobdingnag ladies? Every traveller must go through all sorts of
+chaffering, and bargaining, and paltry experiences, at this spot. You look up
+the tremendous steps, with a score of savage ruffians bellowing round you; you
+hear faint cheers and cries high up, and catch sight of little reptiles
+crawling upwards; or, having achieved the summit, they come hopping and
+bouncing down again from degree to degree,—the cheers and cries swell louder
+and more disagreeable; presently the little jumping thing, no bigger than an
+insect a moment ago, bounces down upon you expanded into a panting Major of
+Bengal cavalry. He drives off the Arabs with an oath,—wipes his red shining
+face with his yellow handkerchief, drops puffing on the sand in a shady corner,
+where cold fowl and hard eggs are awaiting him, and the next minute you see his
+nose plunged in a foaming beaker of brandy and soda-water. He can say now, and
+for ever, he has been up the Pyramid. There is nothing sublime in it. You cast
+your eye once more up that staggering perspective of a zigzag line, which ends
+at the summit, and wish you were up there—and down again. Forwards!—Up with
+you! It must be done. Six Arabs are behind you, who won’t let you escape if you
+would.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The importunity of these ruffians is a ludicrous annoyance to which a traveller
+must submit. For two miles before you reach the Pyramids they seize on you and
+never cease howling. Five or six of them pounce upon one victim, and never
+leave him until they have carried him up and down. Sometimes they conspire to
+run a man up the huge stair, and bring him, half-killed and fainting, to the
+top. Always a couple of brutes insist upon impelling you sternwards; from whom
+the only means to release yourself is to kick out vigorously and unmercifully,
+when the Arabs will possibly retreat. The ascent is not the least romantic, or
+difficult, or sublime: you walk up a great broken staircase, of which some of
+the steps are four feet high. It’s not hard, only a little high. You see no
+better view from the top than you behold from the bottom; only a little more
+river, and sand, and ricefield. You jump down the big steps at your leisure;
+but your meditations you must keep for after-times,—the cursed shrieking of the
+Arabs prevents all thought or leisure.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+- And this is all you have to tell about the Pyramids? Oh! for shame! Not a
+compliment to their age and size? Not a big phrase,- -not a rapture? Do you
+mean to say that you had no feeling of respect and awe? Try, man, and build up
+a monument of words as lofty as they are—they, whom “imber edax” and “aquilo
+impotens” and the flight of ages have not been able to destroy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+- No: be that work for great geniuses, great painters, great poets! This quill
+was never made to take such flights; it comes of the wing of a humble domestic
+bird, who walks a common; who talks a great deal (and hisses sometimes); who
+can’t fly far or high, and drops always very quickly; and whose unromantic end
+is, to be laid on a Michaelmas or Christmas table, and there to be discussed
+for half-an-hour—let us hope, with some relish.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+* * *
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Another week saw us in the Quarantine Harbour at Malta, where seventeen days of
+prison and quiet were almost agreeable, after the incessant sight-seeing of the
+last two months. In the interval, between the 23rd of August and the 27th of
+October, we may boast of having seen more men and cities than most travellers
+have seen in such a time:- Lisbon, Cadiz, Gibraltar, Malta, Athens, Smyrna,
+Constantinople, Jerusalem, Cairo. I shall have the carpet-bag, which has
+visited these places in company with its owner, embroidered with their names;
+as military flags are emblazoned, and laid up in ordinary, to be looked at in
+old age. With what a number of sights and pictures,—of novel sensations, and
+lasting and delightful remembrances, does a man furnish his mind after such a
+tour! You forget all the annoyances of travel; but the pleasure remains with
+you, through that kind provision of nature by which a man forgets being ill,
+but thinks with joy of getting well, and can remember all the minute
+circumstances of his convalescence. I forget what sea-sickness is now: though
+it occupies a woful portion of my Journal. There was a time on board when the
+bitter ale was decidedly muddy; and the cook of the ship deserting at
+Constantinople, it must be confessed his successor was for some time before he
+got his hand in. These sorrows have passed away with the soothing influence of
+time: the pleasures of the voyage remain, let us hope, as long as life will
+endure. It was but for a couple of days that those shining columns of the
+Parthenon glowed under the blue sky there; but the experience of a life could
+scarcely impress them more vividly. We saw Cadiz only for an hour; but the
+white buildings, and the glorious blue sea, how clear they are to the
+memory!—with the tang of that gipsy’s guitar dancing in the market-place, in
+the midst of the fruit, and the beggars, and the sunshine. Who can forget the
+Bosphorus, the brightest and fairest scene in all the world; or the towering
+lines of Gibraltar; or the great piles of Mafra, as we rode into the Tagus? As
+I write this, and think, back comes Rhodes, with its old towers and artillery,
+and that wonderful atmosphere, and that astonishing blue sea which environs the
+island. The Arab riders go pacing over the plains of Sharon, in the rosy
+twilight, just before sunrise; and I can see the ghastly Moab mountains, with
+the Dead Sea gleaming before them, from the mosque on the way towards Bethany.
+The black gnarled trees of Gethsemane lie at the foot of Olivet, and the yellow
+ramparts of the city rise up on the stony hills beyond.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But the happiest and best of all the recollections, perhaps, are those of the
+hours passed at night on the deck, when the stars were shining overhead, and
+the hours were tolled at their time, and your thoughts were fixed upon home far
+away. As the sun rose I once heard the priest, from the minaret of
+Constantinople, crying out, “Come to prayer,” with his shrill voice ringing
+through the clear air; and saw, at the same hour, the Arab prostrate himself
+and pray, and the Jew Rabbi, bending over his book, and worshipping the Maker
+of Turk and Jew. Sitting at home in London, and writing this last line of
+farewell, those figures come back the clearest of all to the memory, with the
+picture, too, of our ship sailing over the peaceful Sabbath sea, and our own
+prayers and services celebrated there. So each, in his fashion, and after his
+kind, is bowing down, and adoring the Father, who is equally above all. Cavil
+not, you brother or sister, if your neighbour’s voice is not like yours; only
+hope that his words are honest (as far as they may be), and his heart humble
+and thankful.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2><a name="2H_FOOT"></a>
+Footnotes:</h2>
+
+<p>
+{1} Saint Paul speaking from the Areopagus, and rebuking these superstitions
+away, yet speaks tenderly to the people before him, whose devotions he had
+marked; quotes their poets, to bring them to think of the God unknown, whom
+they had ignorantly worshipped; and says, that the times of this ignorance God
+winked at, but that now it was time to repent. No rebuke can surely be more
+gentle than this delivered by the upright Apostle.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+{2} Thackeray’s drawing is shown at this point in the book.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+{3} At Derrynane Beg, for instance.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 1863 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
+