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diff --git a/19199.txt b/19199.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..530872d --- /dev/null +++ b/19199.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11136 @@ +Project Gutenberg's The Friendships of Women, by William Rounseville Alger + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Friendships of Women + +Author: William Rounseville Alger + +Release Date: September 8, 2006 [EBook #19199] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FRIENDSHIPS OF WOMEN *** + + + + +Produced by Edmund Dejowski + + + + + +THE FRIENDSHIPS OF WOMEN. + +THE +FRIENDSHIPS OF WOMEN +BY +WILLIAM ROUNSEVILLE ALGER. + +A GENTLE BUSINESS AND BECOMING +THE ACTION OF GOOD WOMEN. +Shakespeare. + +BOSTON: +ROBERTS BROTHERS. +1868. + +Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1867 by +WILLIAM ROUNSEVILLE ALGER, +In the Clerk's Office of the District Court +of the District of Massachusetts. + +CAMBRIDGE: +STEREOTYPED AND PRINTED BY JOHN WILSON AND SON. + +TO +ANNA CABOT LODGE, +A TRUE AND GENEROUS FRIEND, +THIS BOOK +IS INSCRIBED WITH THE DEEPEST SENTIMENTS OF ESTEEM +AND GRATITUDE + +PREFACE. + +A STATEMENT of the facts in which this book began may gratify the +curiosity of some of its readers. + +While gathering materials for a History of Friendship, I was often +struck both by the small number of recorded examples of the sentiment +among women, which were discovered in my researches, and by the +commonness of the expressed belief, that strong natural obstacles +make friendship a comparatively feeble and rare experience with them. +Spurred by further thought, as well as by many talks, I kept on +exploring the subject. At length, so much matter was mustered that I +determined to insert in my work a distinct chapter on the Friendships +of Women. Still the subject grew in interest for me, and the bulk of +historic illustration swelled beyond the size of a chapter. Then I +decided to make a little treatise of it by itself. + +The principle and sentiment of friendship deserve a much larger share +of the attention given, alike in the life and the literature of our +time, to the passion of love. One would infer from most of the +popular writings of the day, that love is the only emotion worthy of +notice. But surely there are in human nature other feelings, which +demand far more culture than they generally receive, feelings which +really play an important part in human life, and which ought to play +a still more important part. Am I deceived in thinking, that, in +particular, the place of friendship in the Live; of women is a +subject which, if soundly discussed, and set forth with mastery and +sympathy, may give precious guidance, comfort, and inspiration to +thousands of embittered and languishing souls? Will not the large +number, who are denied the satisfactions of impassioned love, be +grateful for a book which shows them what rich and noble resources +they may find in his widely different, though closely kindred, +sentiment? Is not such a book especially needed at he present time? + +In method of treatment, I have, without neglecting moral analysis or +reflective exposition, even greater prominence to biographic +narrative, living presentation of instances from which the reader may +draw the befitting lessons of the topic, and apply them for personal +profit. Poetry, it has been said, is balm on the wounds of non- +fulfilment in our lives. When our own experience and imagination are +wanting in that balm, we must borrow it from others. If we muse, with +open heart, on the enthusiastic dreams and fruitions of more richly +impassioned or more happily placed natures, the contagious glow of +their affections may enkindle ours. This is one of the highest uses +of art, a use which puts on artists the duty of setting before their +patrons sights of righteousness and bliss, trust and peace, rather +than sights of wretchedness, wrangling, doubt, and error. + +In conjoined importance and interest, to those who have a taste for +it, no other study can compare with the study of human nature and +human experience, as illustrated in individual examples. If the +students are curious as to the secrets of greatness, and are emulous +of excellence, the attraction is enhanced when they deal with persons +of extraordinary powers and careers. It then becomes fascinating. +Beautiful and noble characters can find nothing so enchanting as a +beautiful and noble character. It was truly said by Vauvenargues, +"Sooner or later, we enjoy only souls." These pages will present +portrayals of a large number of charming souls, with accounts of +their happiest experiences. For our poor human heart, there will +always be a bewitchment about the memories of those persons who were +either remarkable for their power of drawing affection or were +signalized by their enjoyment of the boon. Many a rare character, +otherwise long ago consumed in the alembic of time, will long +continue to be fondly singled out and studied. So when the famous +Marchioness of Salisbury was accidentally burned to death, the +Skeleton was known as hers only by the jewels with which she had been +decked. + +It may be dangerous to overlook ignorantly what is false and hateful +in society; but it is pernicious to pick out such objects for +exclusive or permanent scrutiny. The most wholesome results are +likely to be secured by the fastening of our attention prevailingly +on what is true and fair and blessed in our fellow-beings. Such a +choice will commend itself to the best spirits; for, while it is the +spontaneous movement of a mean nature to contract and swoop, a +generous nature prefers to expand and soar. The vulture pounces on +rottenness with a cry of obscene satisfaction; but the lark seeks the +sunrise with a song of worship. So let the ingenuous mind, studying +human character and life, bestow a shunning glance at evil, a fixed +gaze on good. So, should any one wish to write a history of the +enmities of women, for which, doubtless, the materials are ample, I +willingly yield him the task, appropriating only the privilege of +doing justice to their friendships. + +In the present volume, my first and constant purpose has been boldly +to state the truth just as it is, to do justice to the facts of the +subject. My second purpose has been to be of use, to give help and +comfort. In whatever degree poetry and ideal sentiment may be +accompaniments, neither of them has in any sense been made an aim of +the work. While freely allowing his mind to shine into his pen, and +his heart to flow through it, the writer has adopted every precaution +to prevent or correct all those refractions of ignorance and +prejudice, and all that coloring of morbid sentimentality, which +would stand in the way of truth and use. In treating such a theme as +friendship, the worst dangers are hardness and levity on the one +extreme, exaggeration and mawkishness on the other, and cowardice and +squeamishness between. These faults, it is hoped, are not chargeable +on the following pages. + +This book is a book of goodness. It is devoted to the nurture of +those benign virtues which it so plainly shows waiting on and winning +the best beauty and joy of the world. Small causes can bring about +great effects, when time and facts conspire to help them. A cocoanut, +tossed by the waves into a little sand on a rock amidst the ocean, +has been known to strike root, and to form the centre of a luxuriant +island of palms. Unable to look for any such striking result from the +influence of this work, I shall be happy, indeed, if the power of the +examples to which I have here given voice shall demonstrate the other +side of the deep thought penned by Shakespeare: One good deed, dying +tongueless, Slaughters a thousand waiting upon that. + + +TABLE OF CONTENTS + +INTRODUCTION + +HAVE WOMEN NO FRIENDSHIPS? + +FRIENDSHIP INSIDE AND OUTSIDE THE TIES OF BLOOD + +FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN + +FRIENDSHIPS OF MOTHERS AND SONS + +Cornelia and the Gracchi. +Olympias and Alexander. +Monica and Augustine. +John Quincy Adams and His Mother. +Goethe and his Mother. +The Humboldts and their Mother. +Guizot and his Mother. + +FRIENDSHIPS OF DAUGHTERS AND FATHERS + +Tullia and Cicero. +Margaret Roper and Sir Thomas More. +Agnes and William Wirt. +Mary and John Evelyn. +Theodosia and Aaron Burr. +Maria and Richard Edgeworth. +Madame de Stael and Necker. +Letitia Landon and her Father. + +FRIENDSHIPS OF SISTERS AND BROTHERS + +Narcissus and his Reflection. +Electra and Orestes. +Antigone and Polynices. +Diana and Apollo. +Scholastica and Benedict. +Cornelia and Tasso. +Margaret and Francis. +Mary and Sir Philip Sidney. +Catherine and Robert Boyle. +Caroline and William Herschel. +Letitia and John Aikin. +Cornelia and Goethe. +Lena and Jacobi. +Lucile and Chateaubriand. +Charlotte and Schleiermacher. +Dorothy and Wordsworth. +Augusta and Byron. +Mary and Charles Lamb. +Fanny and Felix Mendelssohn. +Whittier and his Sister. +Eugenie and Maurice de Guerin. + +FRIENDSHIPS OF WIVES AND HUSBANDS. + +Count and Countess del Verme. +Lady and Sir James Mackintosh. +Aspasia and Pericles. +Portia and Brutus. +Arria and Pertus. +Paulina and Seneca. +Calpurnia and Pliny. +Timoxena and Plutarch. +Castara and Habington. +Faustina and Zappi. +Jeanne and Roland. +Caroline and Herder. +Lucy and John Hutchinson. +Sarah and John Austin. +Elizabeth and Robert Browning. +Leopold Schefer and his Wife. +John Stuart Mill and his Wife. +Lady and Lord William Russell. +Artemisia and Mausolus. +Moomtaza and Jehan. + +PLATONIC LOVE; THE MARRIAGE OF SOULS + +Relative Prevalence of Vice in our day. +Moral Influence of Friendships between Men and Women. +Analysis of Platonic Love. +Laura and Petrarch. +Beatrice and Dante. +Heloise and Abelard. +Danger and Safety of Platonic Love. +Countess Matilda and Hildebrand. +The "Woldemar" of Jacobi. +Influence of Chivalry in developing Friendships of Men and Women. +Causes of Prominent Social Position of Women in France. +Friendships in Catholic Church between Women and their Directors. +Olympias and Chrysostom. +Paula and Jerome. +Clara and Francis of Assissi. +Chantal and Francis of Sales. +Guion and Lacombe. +La Maisonfort and Fenelon. +Cornuau and Bossuet. +Theresa and John of the Cross. +The Friendship of Vittoria Colonna and Michael Angelo. +Mademoiselle de Scudery and Pelisson. +Madame de Sevigne and Corbinelli. +Madame de la Fayette and Rochefoucauld. +Madame du Deffand and D'Alembert. +Mademoiselle Lespinasse and D'Alembert. +Madame de Stael and Montmorency. +Magdalen Herbert and Dr. Donne. +Lady Masham and John Locke. +Mary Unwin and Cowper. +Mrs. Clive and Garrick. +Hannah More and Langhorne. +Joanna Baillie and Sir Walter Scott. +Duchess of Devonshire and Fox. +Duchess of Gordon and Dr. Beattie. +Charlotte and Humboldt. +Bettine and Goethe. +Goethe's Treatment of Women in his Life and in his Works. +Princess of Homburg and Marchioness di Barolo and + Silvio Pellico. +Isabel Fenwick and Wordsworth. +Harriet Martineau and Channing. +Lucy Aikin and Channing. +Frances Power Cobbe and Theodore Parker. +Friendships of Women and their Tutors. +Zenobia and Longinus. +Countess of Pembroke and Daniel. +Princess Elizabeth and Descartes. +Caroline of Brunswick and Leibnitz. +Lady Jane Grey and Elmer. +Elizabeth Robinson and Middleton. +Hester Salusbury and Dr. Collier. +Blanche of Lancaster and Chaucer. +Venetia Digby and Ben Jonson. +Countess of Bedford and Ben Jonson. +Countess Ranelagh and Milton. +Duchess of Queensbury and Gay. +Relations with Women, of Sophocles, Virgil, + Frauenlob, Bernadin +St. Pierre, Rousseau, and Jean Paul Richter. +Rahel Levin and her Friendships with Men. +Madame Recamier and her Friendships with Men. +Elizabeth Barrett, Hugh Stuart Boyd, and John Kenyon. +Clotilde de Vaux and Auguste Comte. +Madame Swetchine and her Friendships with Men. + +FRIENDSHIPS OF MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS + +Madame de Sevigne and Madame de Grignan +Madame de Rambouillet and Julie d'Angenne +Mrs. Browne and Felicia Hemans. +Naomi and Ruth. + +FRIENDSHIPS OF SISTERS + +Dido and Anna. +Hannah and Martha More. +Mary and Agnes Berry. +Charlotte, Anne, and Emily Bronte. +Joanna and Agnes Baillie. + +FRIENDSHIPS OF WOMAN WITH WOMAN + +Treatment of Female Friendship in Literature. +School-girl Friendships. +Friendships in Conventual Life. +Jeanne Philippon and Angelique Boufflers. +Agnes Arnauld and Jacqueline Pascal. +Madame de Longueville and Angelique Arnauld. +Friendships between Queens and their Maids of Honor. +Sakoontali and Anastiya. +Marie de Medicis and Eleanora Galigaei. +Queen Philippa and Philippa Picard. +Lady Jane Beaufort and Catherine Douglas. +Mary Stuart and her Four Marys. +Queen Elizabeth and her Attendants. +Queen Anne and Sarah Jennings. +Marie Antoinette and the Princess de Lamballe. +Queen Hortense and Madame de Faverolles. + +PAIRS OF FEMALE FRIENDS + +Beatrice Portinari and Giovanna. +Dorothea Sydney and Sophia Murray. +Katherine Phillips and Regina Collier. +Elizabeth Rowe and the Countess of Hertford. +Countess of Pomfret and Countess of Hertford. +Lady Harley and Mrs. Montague. +Hannah More and Mrs. Garrick. +Elizabeth Carter and Catherine Talbot. +Charlotte Smith and Lady O'Niel. +Anna Seward and Honora Sneyd. +The Countess of Northesk and Anna Seward. +Eleanor Butler and Sarah Ponsonby, + the Ladies of Llangollen. +Fanny Burney and Mrs. Thrale. +Guenderode and Bettine Brentano. +Miss Benger and Lucy Aikin. +Lucy Aikin and Joanna Baillie. +Mrs. Hemans and Miss Jewshury. +Mary Mitford and Mrs. Browning. +Madame de Staid and Madame Recamier. +Madame Swetchine and the Countess Edling. +Countess D'Ossoli and the Marchioness Arconati. +The Duchess of Orleans and her Lady Companion. + +THE NEEDS AND DUTIES OF WOMAN IN THIS AGE + +Evils and Defects of Society and their Remedy. +The Ideal of Marriage. +Public Life versus Domestic Life. +Caste: Diminution of its Influence. +The Common Destiny, and the Peculiar Destiny, of Woman. +Life in the Harems of the East. +Right of Woman to every form of Education and Labor. +Grounds of the exclusion of Women from Public Life +The Right of Women to engage in Politics. +The Inexpediency of their doing so +Impartial Consideration of both sides of the Question. +Morality, eternal; Politics, temporary. +Gradual historic Emancipation of Woman. +Comparative Condition of Woman in the Oriental, the Classic, +the early Christian, and the Modern World. +Relation of Mohammed and of Jesus to Women. +Light thrown on the Condition of Women in Greece by the +History of Sappho. +Sentiment of Chivalry towards Woman. +Woman ennobled by sharing in great public Interests. +Decline of Letter-writing in our day. +Duty of Women to cultivate Conversation. +Duty of Women to cultivate the art of Manners. +Value of model Types of Women. +Disinterestedness, the Redemption of Man. +Woman as seen in Mythology. +Conclusion of the matter. +Friendship in the Future. + + +THE FRIENDSHIPS OF WOMEN. + +INTRODUCTION. + +THE peculiar mission of woman, it has been said, is to be a wife and +mother. Is it not as truly the peculiar mission of man to be a +husband and father? If she is called to add to the happiness and +worth of her husband, he is called to add to the happiness and worth +of his wife. They are alike bound to protect and educate their +children. And the other duties, the private improvement of self and +the public improvement of society rest on them in common. The +assertion, then, that the distinctive Office of woman is to be the +helpmeet of man, does not imply that she ought to be legally or +morally any more subservient to him than he to her; for the supreme +duty of a woman, as of every other human being, is, through the +perfecting of her own nature as a child of God, to fulfil her +personal destiny in the universe. To love, to marry, to rear a +family, is by no means an entire statement of the obligations and +privileges of women: because no woman always has lover, husband, or +children; many fail to have all of them in succession; and a few +never have either of them. + +In some of these cases the domestic appointment of woman is defeated; +but her personal destiny may still De achieved. The qualities of her +soul and the fruitions of her life, as a free individual, may be +perfected in spite of this relative mutilation in her lot. The +growing desire in our time for show and luxury, the increase of the +excitements of publicity, the sensational literature of fiction, +which is absorbing an ever-larger share of attention from the more +sensitive portion of the feminine public, these causes are +concentrating an undue interest on the passion of love. It is the +almost exclusive theme of plays, novels, poems. One consequence is an +exaggeration of the part that should be played by this sentiment in +the experience of the individual. It comes to be the engrossing +subject of regard. Life is considered a failure, unless it contains +love, followed by marriage; yet it must often be deprived of this +experience. In the most civilized countries, especially in their +brilliant capitals, a higher and higher ratio of women miss of happy +love and marriage. + +There never were many morally baffled, uneasy, and complaining women +on the earth as now; because never before did the capacities of +intelligence and affection so greatly exceed their gratifications. +New perceptions are the scouts of fresh desires; fresh desires +precede their own fulfilment: a just reconciliation is a slow, +historic process. The lives of a multitude of women all around us +contain a large element of unsuccessful outward or inward ambitions, +vain attempts and prayers. This drives them back upon themselves, +into a deeper and sadder seclusion than that naturally imposed by +their housekeeping and their historic withdrawment from the bustling +businesses of the world. In that silent retirement, in thousands of +instances, a tragedy not less severe than unobtrusive is enacted, the +tragedy of the lonely and breaking heart. An obscure mist of sighs +exhales out of the solitude of women in the nineteenth century. The +proportionate number of examples of virtuous love, completing itself +in marriage, will probably diminish, and the relative examples of +defeated or of unlawful love increase, until we reach some new phase +of civilization, with better harmonized social arrangements, +arrangements both more economical and more truthful. In the mean +time, every thing which tends to inflame the exclusive passion of +love, to stimulate thought upon it, or to magnify its imagined +importance, contributes so much to enhance the misery of its +withholding or loss, and thus to augment an evil already lamentably +extensive and severe. + +Now, the most healthful and effective antidote for the evils of an +extravagant passion is to call into action neutralizing or +supplementary passions; to balance the excess of one power by +stimulating weaker powers, and fixing attention on them; to assuage +disappointments in one direction by securing gratifications in +another. Accordingly, the offices of friendship in the lives of +women, lives often so secluded, impoverished, and self-devouring, is +a subject of emphatic timeliness; promising, if properly treated, to +yield lessons of no slight practical value. This vein of sentiment +has suffered unmerited neglect among us. No other vein of sentiment +in human nature, perhaps, has so much need to be cherished. In the +lives of women, friendship is, First, the guide to love; a +preliminary stage in the natural development of affection. Secondly, +it is the ally of love; the distributive tendrils and branches to the +root and trunk of affection. Thirdly, it is, in some cases, the +purified fulfilment and repose into which love subsides, or rises. +Fourthly, it is, in other cases, the comforting substitute for love. +A just display of these points, in the light of an accurate analysis, +aided by the appropriate learning, can hardly fail to repay the study +it will require. The insight into the nature and the working of the +affections, to be secured by a careful study of the subject, should +be a precious acquisition of knowledge easily convertible into power. +The activity of the sympathies enkindled by tracing the biographical +sketches of a large number of the richest and most winsome examples +of feminine friendship preserved for us in history, should bestow a +rare pleasure. And the plain directions to be deduced from the +discussion and the narratives should furnish a store of instruction +for the wiser guidance of personal experience. + +The writer, as he is about to intrust his book upon that current of +literature which flows by the doors of all the intelligent, bearing +its offerings to their hands, is quite aware that the subject of the +rights and the wrongs, the joys and the griefs, the hopes and the +fears, the duties and the plans, belonging to the outer and inner +life of womankind in the present age, happens just now to be one of +the chief matters of popular interest and agitation. This, however, +has had no influence in leading him to treat the subject. It has long +been in his mind. He has been drawn to investigate it and write on it +simply by its intrinsic attractions for him. But the extent and +earnestness with which the public mind is preoccupied by the social +and political discussions of the theme, going on in all quarters, +much increase the difficulty of treating it, as is here proposed, +from the scholarly, moral, and experimental point of view, with +perfect candor and calmness, and with a careful avoidance of +prejudices, exaggerations, and declamatory appeals. Demagogues and +partisans, who seek personal notoriety or other ends of private +passion, naturally try to produce effect by the use of pungent +epigrams, overstrained trifles, extravagant views, and sophistical +arguments, fitted to play on the biases, piques, and ignorances of +those whose attention they can gain. All this obviously adds to the +hardness of the task imposed on him who would steer clear of every +extremity, and keep in the golden mean of truth and use. + +Such a one is also least likely to secure popular praise. The extreme +conclusions, peppery rhetoric, and passionate declamation of the +leaders on both sides, who aim at sensation and victory, are surest +to awaken the enthusiasm of the extremists, who always direct the +admiring gaze of heir parasites to the favorite representatives of +their own party, their scorn to the favorite representatives of the +other party. But under such circumstances, by is much as the +moderation of impartiality and of a patient search for the exact +truth is hard to be kept, an unlikely to win popularity, it is the +more a duty, and the surer to bear good fruits of service to the +public. There is a fashionable habit of laughing or sneering at the +illusions of the young, a habit usually mistimed and injurious. For +an illusion is as real as a truth. Every phenomenon implies truth, +however incorrectly t may be understood. An illusion is, in fact, but +a reality misinterpreted. Harmless, joy-breeding illusions are the +magic coloring of our existence. They should be cultivated rather +than rudely driven away. + +The dry critic who daily labors, and with success, to destroy them, +may be knowing; but he is not wise. Every seeming acquisition really +impoverishes him. The noble Mendelssohn once said, "Life without +illusions is only death." The illusions of high and guileless hearts +are the blessed hopes created by generous faiths fastening on the +better aspects of truth. They are to our experience what the +tremulous iridescence is to the neck of the dove. To allow, as we +grow old, a sinister gaze at the sterner aspects of truth to banish +these rich and kindly illusions, is a wretched folly, however much it +may dress itself as wisdom. There are lures and deceits, enchanting +at an early period, which, at a later one, ought to be outgrown, seen +through and left behind, but not with arid and scoffing conceit. The +way to escape sadness, when the light of one beautiful promise after +another goes out, is to kindle in place thereof the light of one +glorious reality after another. If the gathered experience we carry +at evening renders worthless many things we prized in the morning, it +should also give preciousness to many things unvalued then. + +When the fallen torch of ambition has smouldered into blackness, we +ought to make the eternal star of religion our guide. To take +spiritual treasures away without replacing them by better ones is +robbery. The cynical authors who deal chiefly in ridicule and satire, +or in what they call solid facts, the alternate levity and bitterness +of whose writings tend to destroy all ingenuous faith and glowing +affection, all magnanimous sympathies and hopes, seem to me to be +engaged in as miserable a business as those African hunters who train +falcons to dart on gazelles, and pick out their beautiful eyes. The +illusiveness of life that results from teeming love and trust is as a +mist of gold sifted into the atmosphere, through which all the +objects of our regard loom, colossal and glittering. As we advance in +years, we should indeed learn to recognize, and make allowance for, +this refraction and these tints, but without ceasing to enjoy the +beautiful aggrandizement they bestow. When there is danger that a +character will melt into a mere mush of ungirt feelings, the +astringent and bracing use of satire is fit. The application of a +fleecing nonchalance or of a jibing scorn to a soul of strong and +ardent sentiment, is unfit. A certain divinity should hedge every +manifestation of trustful affection, even though it be misjudged. It +is for the most part profane to scoff an overstretched or misplaced +admiration: it calls rather for a considerate instruction which shall +tenderly set it right. + +It is insipidity of the feelings that gives rise to sentimentality, +as, when the tongue is disordered, we are always trying it. The cure +of that insipidity is to direct upon it the energy of an objective +earnestness, a current of positive faith and love. No negative +treatment, of indifference or of contempt, can avail. Sentimentality, +frozen under the cutting breath of derision, resembles that loathsome +ice-lake of poison in the Scandinavian hell. Sentimentality, fired by +the glorious contagion of self-forgetful admiration and loyalty, is +raised into sentiment, or even divinized into enthusiasm. The author +will devote his best endeavor to do justice to both sides of the +subject treated in his book, taking warning from the partisans who +fix an exclusive attention on that aspect of it which they +respectively prefer. He will try to set down such true thoughts in +such a pure spirit, as, instead of drying up in his readers the +springs of generous faith, and disenchanting them of all romantic +expectation, will leave them at the end with a higher estimate of the +worth of human nature and of the sweetness of human life. + +Ever so correct a perception of what we despise and detest leaves our +moral rank undetermined; but the measure of what we love and admire +is the measure of our own worth. It should never be forgotten, that +the most delicate and enduring pleasures we enjoy are those we give. +It should always be remembered, that, while the proud demand honor, +and the humble seek sympathy, there is a self-respectful affection, +neither haughty nor cringing, which will always earn honor, but never +stop to ask it, always enjoy sympathy, but never be dependent on it. +This whole book is a demonstration of the truth, that, however much +woman may need deliverance from some outward trials and disabilities, +her grand want is a freer, deeper, richer, holier, inward life. Let +her, if she so please, reach out for the ballot, enter on a larger +range of work and responsibility. But let her not be blind to the +truth, that her foremost, weightiest need is a more thorough +intellectual possession and moral fulfilment of herself, leading to a +closer union with friends and an absolute surrender to God. The just +formula for the aims of woman, as it seems to me, is neither, on the +one hand, limitation to domestic life; nor, on the other hand, +devotion to public life as an end; but, dedication to the duties and +joys of family and social life, and to the nurture of the personal +inner life, as the true ends, and a free participation in the grand +interests of public life, as a means of purifying the domestic and +the inner life from selfish littlenesses, and enriching the +experience of the individual with the wide obligations and hopes of +humanity at large. Not domestic life alone; not public life alone; +not merely domestic life and public life together; but domestic life +and public life, for the sake of the personal inner life, purified +and aggrandized by the ideal appropriation of the essential +experience and progress of the whole world. + +This, with such allowances as the distinction of sex really requires, +should be the aim of every woman as well as of every man. If this +view be correct, it is plain how great and vital an interest it gives +to the theme of the present work; the friendship of women; since the +very ground and gist of a noble friendship is the cultivation in +common of the personal inner lives of those who partake in it, their +mutual reflection of souls and joint sharing of experience inciting +them to a constant betterment of their being and their happiness. + +HAVE WOMEN NO FRIENDSHIPS? + +SOME men think women unfitted for friendship. Feminine hearts are so +complex, changeable, elusive, that the belief has had great currency +among themselves as well as with their critics. In comparing the two +sexes in this particular, many persons commit a gross error by +overlooking the fact that there are all kinds and degrees of feminine +characters, not less than of masculine. When Heine says, "I will not +affirm that women have no character; rather they have a new one every +day," he means precisely what Pope meant by the famous couplet in his +poem on the Characters of Women: + +Nothing so true as what you once let fall, +Most women have no characters at all. + +This want of character is held by many thoughtful men for what +Coleridge asserted it to be, the perfection of a woman; as +tastelessness proves the purity of water; transparency, that of +glass. Plausible ground for this view is furnished by the fact, that +the perfection of fine and noble manners the peculiar province of +feminine genius consists in the absence of egotism, in that chaste +and lustrous exuberance of sympathetic joy which results from the +opposite of all personal domination; namely, spontaneous obedience to +the whole law of duty. Nevertheless, the opinion is unsound; partly +untrue, partly inadequate. It results from the despotic selfhood of +man, who wishes not to reflect another, but only to be reflected. The +absence of fixed individuality makes one a readier mirror; and man, +as the historic master, desires the woman who confronts him to be, at +least apparently, the yielding subject of his will. But since woman +is an independent being, endowed with a separate responsibleness, she +has a distinct personal destiny to fulfil as much as he has, and +should be granted an equal freedom of individuality. + +The perfection of a woman in the sight of God is one thing: her +irresistible charmingness to selfish man may be quite another thing. +If the latter requires a soft compliance, involving the absence of +will, the former is not irreconcilable with the firmest constancy of +individual traits; and, in fact, women can no more be lumped together +in level community, either by positives or by negatives, than men can +be. Those differ from each other as widely as these do. Accuracy of +thought has seldom been more recklessly offered up to pungency of +expression than in the above-cited aphorism of Pope. There is an +ample variety of tenacious womanly characters between the extremes +marked by Miriam beating her timbrels, and Cleopatra applying the +asp; Cornelia showing her Roman jewels, and Guyon rapt in God; +Lucrezia Borgia raging with bowl and dagger, and Florence Nightingale +sweetening the memory of the Crimean war with philanthropic deeds. +What group of men indeed can be brought together, more distinct in +individuality, more contrasted in diversity of traits and destiny, +than such women as Eve in the Garden of Eden, Mary at the foot of the +cross, Rebecca by the well, Semiramis on her throne, Ruth among the +corn, Jezebel in her chariot, Lais at a banquet, Joan of Arc in +battle, Tomyris striding over the field with the head of Cyrus in a +bag of blood, Perpetua smiling on the lions in the amphitheatre, +Martha cumbered with much service, Pocahontas under the shadow of the +woods, Saint Theresa in the convent, Madame Roland on the scaffold, +Mother Agnes at Port Royal, exiled De Stael wielding her pen as a +sceptre, and Mrs. Fry lavishing her existence on outcasts! + +In searching for the friendships of women, it is difficult at first +to find striking examples. Their lives are so private, their +dispositions are so modest, their experiences have been so little +noticed by history, that the annals of the feminine heart are for the +most part a secret chapter. But a sufficiently patient search will +cause a beautiful multitude of such instances to reveal themselves. +Nothing, perhaps, will strike the literary investigator of the +subject more forcibly than the frequency with which he meets the +expressed opinion, that women really have few or no friendships; that +with them it must be either love, hate, or nothing. A writer in one +of our popular periodicals has recently ventured this dogmatic +assertion: "If the female mind were not happily impervious to logic, +we might demonstrate, even to its satisfaction, that the history of +the sex presents no single instance of a famous friendship." Before +we get through our work, we shall meet with abundant confutations of +this rash and uncomplimentary statement. + +Swift says, "To speak the truth, I never yet knew a tolerable woman +to be fond of her own sex." The statement, if taken with too wide a +meaning, might have been refuted by the sight, under his eyes, of the +cordial and life-long affection of Miss Johnson and Lady Gifford, the +sister of Sir William Temple. He could not expect a Stella and a +Vanessa to be friends: an exclusive love for a common object +inevitably made them deadly rivals. But the author of "Gulliver's +Travels" was a keen observer; his maxims have always a basis in fact; +and it is undoubtedly true that women of exceptional cleverness +prefer the wit, wisdom, and earnestness of the more cultivated +members of the other sex to the too frequent ignorance and triviality +of their own. Undoubtedly, in most societies, women of unusual genius +and accomplishments can more easily find congenial companionship with +men than with women. But to infer from this any natural +incompatibility for friendships between women is to draw a monstrous +inference, wholly unwarranted by the premises. In the sensible +chapter of "A Woman's Thoughts about Women," which Miss Muloch +devotes to this subject, she says, "The friendships of women are much +more common than those of men; but rarely or never so firm, so just, +or so enduring." But then she proceeds, justly, though with a little +inconsistency, to say, "With women these relations may be +sentimental, foolish, and fickle; but they are honest, free from +secondary motives of interest, and infinitely more respectable than +the time-serving, place-hunting, dinner-seeking devotion which +Messrs. Tape and Tadpole choose to denominate friendship." That the +sharper and sincerer feelings of women make them more capable than +men of sacrificing their interests to their passions, less likely to +sacrifice their passions to their interests, and that they are more +absorbed by their sympathies and antipathies, admits of no question. + +Eugenie de Guerin, a woman of the rarest heart and soul, wrote in her +journal, a few years ago, this passage, which has already grown +famous: "I have ever sought a friendship so strong and earnest that +only death could break it; a happiness and unhappiness which I had, +alas! in my brother Maurice. No woman has been, or will be, able to +replace him; not even the most distinguished has been able to give me +that bond of intelligence and of tastes, that broad, simple, and +lasting relation. There is nothing fixed, enduring, vital, in the +feelings of women; their attachments to each other are so many pretty +bows of ribbons. I notice these light affections in all female +friends. Can we not, then, love each other differently? I neither +know an example in history nor am acquainted with one in the present. +Orestes and Pylades have no sisters. It makes me impatient, when I +think of it, that you men have something in your hearts which is +wanting to us. In return we have devotedness." It is striking to +notice the identity of sentiment here with that in the maxim of La +Bruyere: "In love women exceed the generality of men, but in +friendship we have infinitely the advantage." + +With reference to the statement that "Orestes and Pylades have no +sisters," besides the superfluous disproofs of it contained in the +pages that follow, it is an interesting fact that classic literature +affords one example, which modern writers have never, to my +knowledge, noticed. Pausanias, in his "Description of Greece," tenth +book, twenty-ninth chapter, gives an recount of an elaborate painting +by Polygnotus of the underworld, the scenery and fate of the dead in +the future state. Among the images of the departed set forth on the +canvas were two women, Chloris and rhyia, locked in a fond embrace. +Of these two women, thus shown eternally united in the realm beyond +he grave, Pausanias says that they were a pair of friends +extraordinarily attached to each other in life. Their story is lost. +The imagination of womankind might compensate for the missing +narrative, and make the names of Chloris and Thyia live with the +lames of Damon and Pythias. + +Let us sift the grounds of the opinion that women ire relatively +incapable of friendship, analyze the appearances on which it rests, +and separate the truth in it from the error. + +The first fact of the subject is, that women are naturally less +selfish and more sympathetic than men. + +They have more affection to bestow, greater need of sympathy, and +therefore are more sure, in the absence of love, to seek friendship. +The devastating egotism of man is properly foreign to woman; though +there are many women as haughty, hard, and imperious as any man. But +these are unfeminine, despite their sex. There are women who seem +cold and beautiful stones, their hearts icicles, their tears frozen +gems pressed out by injured pride. On the other hand, there are men +as soft, as modest, as celestially sympathetic, as almost any woman. +Still, the cardinal contrast holds, that women are self-forgetful, +men self-asserting; women hide their surplus affection under a +feigned indifference; men hide their indifference under a feigned +affection. Of course, in this comparison, depraved women are +excluded: these are generally far more heartless and calculating than +men. The aphorism of Rochefoucauld "In their first passion, women +love the lover; in their subsequent ones, they love love" is +descriptive, not of women, but of that class of women who cherish a +succession of lovers, a class familiar to the base and brilliant +French aphorist. With such, the venal commonness of affection first +profanes, then destroys it. + +It is a pathetic sign of the diviner nature of women, that they +conceal sorrow more easily than joy, while men conceal joy more +easily than sorrow. The lover of Adelaide de Comminge having joined a +convent of Trappists, she followed him thither, disguised as a man, +took the vows, and was not recognized by him until on her death-bed. +Man is not capable of such pure devotion: only a woman could thus +forbear, and be content with the secret joy of the beloved presence. +Man demands action: woman demands emotion. Friendship between two +youths is martial, adventurous, a trumpet-blast or a bugle-air: +friendship between two girls is poetic, contemplative, the sigh of a +harp-string or the swell of an organ-pipe. + +Woman needs friendship more than man, because she is less self- +sufficing. She is much more apt than he to think the form in the +mirror is lovely, but not to think it of herself. Milton's Eve was +startled with a shy delight at the fair shape in the fountain, never +dreaming that it was herself. Men are flutes: they must be filled +with the warm breath of a foreign sympathy. Women are harpsichords: +they have all the conditions of music in themselves, and only need to +be struck. But, containing so much, their need of being struck is the +greater. Charlotte Bronte, in her sad, weary life, full, as she +expressed it, of loneliness, of longing for companionship, had two +faithful and precious friends; her "dear, dear E.," and her "good, +kind Miss W." To the former she writes, "I am at this moment +trembling all over with excitement, after reading your note: it is +what I never received before, the unrestrained pouring out of a warm, +gentle, generous heart. If you love me, do, do, do come on Friday. I +shall watch and wait for you; and, if you disappoint me, I shall +weep." Few sayings are more touching than that which Thackeray heard +a woman utter, that she would gladly have taken Swift's cruelty to +have had his tenderness. Now, is it not true that the intenser need +naturally implies the keener search and the more copious finding? + +The great reason why the friendships of women are not more frequent +and prominent than they are is, that the proper destiny of woman +calls her to love; and this sentiment, in its fullness, is usually +too absorbing to leave room and force for conspicuous friendships. +With men the other sentiments are not so much suspended or engulfed +by conjugal and parental love. "The men," La Bruyere says, "are the +occasion that women do not love each other." With the one-sided +exaggeration incident to most aphorisms, this is true. Husband and +children occupy the wife and mother; and marriage is often the grave +of feminine friendships. According to the maxim of Saint Paul, "The +head of the woman is the man:" the attraction of another woman must +generally be weaker. The lives of men are the sighs of nature: the +lives of women are their echoes. The sharp-eyed Richter says, "A +woman, unlike Narcissus, seeks not her own image and a second I: she +much prefers a not-I." This profound remark exactly touches the +difference between friendship and love, and between the respective +relations of man and woman to the two sentiments. Friendship is the +simple reflection of souls by each other. Love is the mutual +reflection of their entire being by two persons, each supplementing +the defects of the other. Love, therefore, is friendship, with a +differential addition. True love includes friendship, as the greater +includes the smaller. Now, the self-sufficient character of man makes +him seek a second I; that is, wish to see himself reflected in +another. But the sympathetic character of woman makes her seek a not- +I; that is, wish to see another reflected in herself. It is incorrect +to say, that woman has less capacity than man for friendship: it is +correct only to say, that man is more easily satisfied with +friendship than woman is. She demands that, and something more; and +every page of history teems with the records of that something more, +the heavenly records of the sufferings, sacrifices, and triumphs of +woman's love. When this imperial sentiment is baffled, and yet the +soul remains mistress of herself, it is impossible that the next +strongest sentiment should not, in all available instances, be +cultivated as a solace and vicegerent. One of the renowned apothegms +of that sinister moralist, Rochefoucauld, is, "Women feel friendship +insipid after love." But he should have limited his remark to vicious +women. It will not apply to virtuous women. Jane Austin, who in +knowledge of the feminine heart has few equals, says, "Friendship is +certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love." + +Women are more sensitive and acute than men, more delicate +electrometers for all the imponderable agencies of sympathy; and this +greater penetration makes them more fastidious, gives them better +ability indeed to admire what is superior, but causes them to be less +tolerant of what is offensive. The innervation and nutrition of woman +are finer and more complicated than those of man; and, by as much as +her nerves are more numerous and more delicate, she has a keener and +richer consciousness, including many states he is incapable of +reproducing. He is more of a head; she, more of a plant. Her body is +far more intelligent than his; and feelings are the thoughts of the +body, as thoughts are the feelings of the mind. No one can forget the +lines, made so famous by their exquisite felicity, written of +Elizabeth Drury by Donne: + +The pure and eloquent blood +Spoke in her cheeks, and so distinctly wrought, +Ye might have almost said her body thought. + +Mothers feel as if still connected with their offspring by the fibres +that joined them in their prenatal life; as the nerves continue to +report in consciousness an amputated hand or foot. There is in all +their emotions a vascular quality or consanguineous tincture never to +be wholly eliminated. + +The greater material identification of mothers than of fathers with +their children, in the long period of gestation and nursing, leads to +a closer and more persistent mental identification with them. The +physical differences of the sexes react on the mind to make moral +differences; and these are further heightened by differences in their +education, habits of life, and sphere of interests. No doubt, these +differences occupy a larger share of attention in women than in men. + +Those who have suffered sharply, see keenly; and it is difficult to +conceal much from women. They have the strangest facility in reading +physiological language, tones, gestures, bearing, and all those +countless signs which make the face and eyes such tell-tales of the +soul. They will look into your eyes, and see you think; listen to +your voice, and hear you feel. The coy and subtle world of emotion +now infinitely timid and reticent, now all gates flung down for the +floods to pour is their domain. They are at home in it all, from the +rosy fogs of feeling to the twilight borders of intelligence. On the +one side, these endowments are a help to friendship. The ardor with +which a pure and generous woman enters into choice states of soul in +another is a redemptive sight. This capacity of swift perception and +sympathy makes the friendship of a woman a precious boon to a man who +aims at greatness or perfection; and scarcely ever has there been an +illustrious man who has not been appreciated, comforted, and inspired +in secret by some woman long before he became famous, circling around +him with her unselfish ministrations, like that star which is the +invisible companion of Sirius. + +The poor young Niebuhr writes home from Great Britain to Madam +Hensler, the wife of the good professor who had befriended him in +college, "Your letter has made me so wild with delight, that I have +felt full of affection to every creature that has come in my way." +The melancholy heart and dismal lot of Gerald Griffin, the Irish +novelist, found almost their solitary human alleviation and +brightness in the sustaining kindness and admiration of a lady, +designated in his brother's biography of him as Mrs. L. John Foster, +whose social career was as trying to him as his massive soul was +lonely, exceedingly enjoyed the cordial encouragement and affection +of a number of cultivated and excellent women. Many of his published +letters were addressed to one of these, Mrs. Mant. He thus writes to +her of another one: "I turn, disgusted and contemptuous, from insipid +and shallow folly, to lave in the tide of deeper sentiments. There I +swim and dive and rise and gambol, with all that wild delight which +could be felt by a fish, after panting out of its element awhile, +when flung into its own world of waters by some friendly hand. Such a +hand to me is Mrs. C.'s. It is impossible to give a just idea of the +strange fascination she diffuses around her. My mind seems to be +larger, stronger, and more brilliant in her company than anywhere +else. Every fountain of sentiment opens at her approach." + +The greater sensibility, insight, and impulsiveness of women, on the +other hand, expose them more to obstacles in the way of friendship. +Coldness and meanness are less endurable by them. A genuinely feeling +soul has an insuperable repugnance alike for unfeelingness, for false +feeling, and for false expressions of feeling. An Arabian courser +cannot travel comfortably with a snail. A soul whose motions are +musical curves cannot well blend with a soul whose motions are +discordant angles. A woman is naturally as much more capricious than +a man, as she is more susceptible. A slighter shock suffices to +jostle her delicate emotions out of delight into disgust. She is +therefore a severer personal critic. Male peccadilloes are female +crimes. A wet-blanket presence that she could not tolerate may +refresh him. As less strong, less stably poised, than he, she is more +tempted to have recourse to artifice; and when she does stoop to +dissimulation, she uses it with inimitable dexterity, as shield, as +foil, as poniard. It would be a difficult task for men to do what the +spotless and loving Eugenie de Guerin was horrified at seeing two +prominent Parisian ladies do, play the part of tender friends in +society, and then turn away and venomously caricature each other. +What woman who possessed a ring conferring invisibility on its +wearer, would dare to put it on, and move about among her friends? +The weakness of women is an exaggerated attention to trifles. The +great condition of steady friendship is community of plans and ends +in the parties. This is much wanting in women, who think chiefly of +persons, little of laborious aims. Two girls, who live in a multitude +of evaporating impulses and dreams it were as easy to yoke a couple +of humming-birds, and make them draw. Because the polarity of a grand +fixed purpose is absent from it, the mind of many a woman is a heap +of petty antipathies; and, where the likings are fickle, the +dislikings are pretty sure to be tenacious. A keen student of human +nature has remarked, that many women "spend force enough in trivial +observations on dress and manners, to form a javelin to pierce quite +through a character." Women's eyes are armed with microscopes to see +all the little defects and dissimilarities which can irritate and +injure their friendships. Hence there are so many feminine friends +easily provoked to mutual criticisms and recriminations. + +The dear friends, Fanny Squeers and Matilda Price, experienced a +violent jealousy on account of Nicholas Nickleby. After a fierce +altercation, they fell into tears, followed by remonstrances and an +explanation, and terminated by embraces and by vows of eternal +friendship; "the occasion making the fifty-second time of repeating +the same impressive ceremony within a twelvemonth." But obviously it +is a closer approach to the truth to take the sensitiveness and +interruptions in the mutual relations of women, as compared with +those in the relations of men, as the direct, rather than as the +inverse, measure of the number and value of their respective +friendships. Yet, by a gross error, the estimate is usually made in +the latter way. + +The maxim of Walter Savage Landor is a palpable stroke at the truth: +"No friendship is so cordial or so delicious as that of girl for +girl; no hatred so intense and immovable as that of woman for woman." +In fact, there is immensely less indifference between women than +between men; there are incomparably more enmities; and there are a +great many more friendships. It is the enormous preponderance of the +mutual dislikes of women over those of men, which chiefly has given +rise to the fallacious belief that their mutual likes are less. +These, too, are more, though not, perhaps, so much more. + +Among women, it is true, only a few of those memorable unions of soul +and life are known which entitle the parties to be ranked as pairs of +friends. Our ignorance, however, of such cases does not prove their +non-existence. There have been thousands of them. There are a great +many at this moment. It is the characteristic modesty and privacy of +the lives of women which keep these heart-histories concealed. The +most gifted, refined, and elevated natures are most likely to have +this experience; and such natures shrink with unconquerable +repugnance from all obtrusion, or betrayal, of their inmost +experiences. The lives of noble women are "so transparent and so deep +that only the subtle insight of sympathy can penetrate them:" their +open secrets baffle all the scrutiny of coarse souls. The choicest of +her sex will, to some extent, agree with the energetic sentiment of +Eugenie de Guerin "I detest those women who mount the pulpit, and lay +their passions bare." Engrossing, then, as the attachment of two +women may be, it is not often thrust into public view so as to obtain +the literary recognition won by the similar attachments of men who +act their parts in the front of society, seeking a place in history +for their achievements. As far as the public are concerned, women +merge their heart-lives in the careers of those dear to them. It is +accordingly in exceptional cases alone that a knowledge of the +friendships of women is preserved for posterity. This, indeed, holds +likewise of men, but in a much lower degree. Thus far there have been +printed accounts of the lives of hundreds of men where there has been +a printed account of the life of one woman. Allowance should be made +for this in our estimate of their comparative friendships. + +And now has not something been said to shake the current opinion, +that the friendships of women are few and superficial? It is true +that women are more imperiously called to love than men are; are more +likely to be absorbed by this master-passion, and thus are more +exposed to jealousy of each other. It is true, that, owing to their +greater sensitiveness, keener subjection to the fastidious sway of +taste, women are more apt than men to fall out, being more easily +disturbed and estranged by trifles; but this relative subjection to +trifles is chiefly a consequence of the exclusion of woman hitherto +from the grandest fields of education, the noblest subjects of +interest and action. It is true, that the attachments of women, on +account of the greater privacy of their lives, are less conspicuous +than those of men, less frequently obtain historic or literary +mention, and therefore seem to be rarer. But it is not true, either +that women are incapable of enthusiastic and steadfast friendships +for each other, or that such friendships are uncommon. If women are +more critical and severe towards their own sex than men are, it is +chiefly because they cannot, like men, be indifferent to each other: +they must positively feel either sympathy or aversion. + +It is very frequently the case, that a single woman, blessed with +wealth, invites some friend, to whom she is strongly attached, to +accept a home with her; and they live thenceforth in indissoluble +union. Such an instance among men is almost as rare as a white +blackbird. Unmarried sisters so often pass all their years together, +inseparably united, both inwardly and outwardly, that almost every +one of us is acquainted with many examples. But it is extremely rare +for bachelor brothers to club together, and pass a wholly shared +existence. + +In the higher classes of society, it is a common custom for nobly- +born women to have lady companions, to whom they give a home and +support and constant love, for the sake of congenial intercourse with +them, for the comfort of their presence and conversation. There is +scarcely a corresponding custom among men. It has happened to the +writer to know numerous instances in which a wealthy woman has, in +her lifetime, freely bestowed on a poor friend, from a pure impulse +of good-will, a sum of money sufficient to secure her a handsome +independence. This substantial deed of friendship he has not known +paralleled in a single instance among men. + +Men do not often go so far in either moral extreme as the other sex. +It is the corruption of the best that makes the worst. Who is this, +shameless mixture of beast and fiend, with body of fire, heart of +marble, brow of bronze, and hand hollowed to hold money? It is the +woman who sells herself in the street. And who is this, with upturned +eyes of fathomless love, the radiant paleness of ecstasy transfusing +her countenance, heaven flooding her soul, the world a forgotten toy +beneath her feet? It is the woman who, in silence and secrecy, gives +herself to God. So capacious of extremes is the feminine spirit. + +There is no fretfullness, spitefullness, revengefullness, equal to +those of a woman. There is no grace, sweetness, dignity, +disinterestedness, equal to those of a woman. And, when all is said, +the conclusion of one who understands the subject will be, that, for +quick depth of sympathy, intuitive divination, joyous sacrifice, +perfect reproduction of all the modulations of feeling, there is no +friendship equal to that of a woman. + +FRIENDSHIP WITHIN AND WITHOUT THE TIES OF CONSANGUINITY. + +THE presentation of the friendships of women in distinct classes will +add clearness to the treatment, and will also make it easier to +suggest, with some approach to adequacy, the wealth of the topic. It +is natural to begin with instances within the limits of blood +relationship, and between persons of opposite sex. The relations of +conscious affection among those of near kindred are but too apt, from +the blunting influence of custom, to have a character of tameness, +lukewarm routine. The members of the family, in their commonplace +familiarity, cherish a quiet goodwill and fidelity, without any +relishing surprise, romantic hues, or mystery. Calmly affectionate, +or perhaps listless, towards all within the domestic circle, they +look outside for inspiring intercourse and thrilling attachments, and +for calls to lofty sacrifice and delight. This is too often the case. +Identity of inheritance and situation, sameness of idiosyncrasy, and +habitude of union, squeeze poppies into the household cup, and clothe +in dull gray the familiar landscape around; and yet, happily, in +numerous instances it is not so. The confidential intimacies, the +incessant dependencies, duties, and favors of near relatives, instead +of engendering a consciousness of vapid usage, sprinkle electric +stimulants on their mutual feelings and intercommunications. + +Their affictions towards each other keep fresh and grow deeper, and +the homestead stands in a landscape tinged with faith and romance. +The imagination, undeadened by custom, goes with their eyes and +hands, exerts its beautifying magic, and idealizes or glorifies their +images in each other's souls. + +Then kinship becomes friendship. Upon the material consanguinity is +superinduced a spiritual consanguinity; the legal and customary bonds +of descent, association, and duty are brightened and exalted into +delightful relations of intelligence and sympathy, a choice community +of character, purposes, and experience. The relative is then hidden +in the friend. Innumerable aunts and nephews, nieces and uncles, +cousins, and other branches of kindred, have found in their +relationship, with the common interests and the consequent meetings, +a fortunate occasion for forming close and blessed friendships. + +The biblical instance of Esther and Mordecai is very charming. +Esther, left an orphan, was adopted and brought up by her uncle, +Mordeoi. When the beautiful Jewish maiden was taken into the palace, +among those from whom Ahasuerus was to choose his queen, "Mordecai +walked every day before the court of the women's house, to know how +Esther did and what should become of her." And when she had been made +queen, "she did still the commandment of Mordecai, like as when she +was brought up with him." In the threatened calamity of the Jews, +Mordecai rent his clothes, and put on sackcloth with ashes, and wept. +Esther's maids told her of it. "Then was the queen exceedingly +grieved; and she sent raiment to clothe Mordecai." In all the sequel +of the well-known tale, it is easy to see that the niece's friendship +for her uncle was at least as important a sentiment as the wife's +love for her husband. Beranger caused to be placed on the tomb of his +aunt this touching inscription: She was never a mother, yet sons +mourned for her. It is a striking fact that the strength of the tie +of blood is in an historic process of decrease, while, parallel with +it, the strength of the tie of moral sympathy is in an historic +process of increase. In primitive ages, when barbaric force +prevailed, and life was full of exposures, and redress was uncertain, +the family was the unit of society. All within the bond of the family +stood compactly together in the most sacred and intense of leagues +against every hostile approach from without. But as law and order +became consolidated, and their sanctions diffused, and adequate +general tribunals were set up, and public considerations encroached +on private, the tie of physical kindred grew less, that of moral +fellowship more. The bloody feuds of old times, which ran down the +veins of successive generations like streams of fire, have become +nearly obsolete. The hates transmitted with such wild ferocity, the +friendships handed down with such burning loyalty, among the ancient +Scottish clans, are phenomena not possible in the cultured circles of +Berlin, London, Paris, or New York. This relative decay of the energy +of the sentiment of material relationship is not to be regretted; for +it is a sign of progress, when we see its connection with the +corresponding development of the force of free spiritual affinity. It +looks towards the end contemplated by Jesus when he said. "Whosoever +doeth the will of my Father in heaven, the same is my mother, and my +brother, and my sister." + +Once the merit or demerit of the individual had comparatively little +to do with the regards which the other members of the family +cherished towards him. Now it goes far towards a total determination +of those regards. Multitudes of the nearest relatives are utterly +indifferent to each other; multitudes of them hate each other. Where +no fitness for a genuine union of mind and heart exists in the +parties, all the forensic ties and all the conjoining memories in the +world go for nothing. A horrid illustration of this truth is given by +the conduct of Tullia, the Lady Macbeth of antiquity, who drove her +chariot over the body of her murdered father lying in the "Wicked +Street," and smiled as his blood spattered her dress. But truly it is +a happy thing when those naturally associated in birth, position, and +circumstances of life, become by sympathy inwardly united in mutual +appreciation and will. It is like adding the spirit of music to the +material conditions of music. + +FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN. + +PARENTS and children furnish the first class of examples in which the +fondness of a close attachment by nature is elevated into a freer and +more comprehensive connection by intelligent sympathy; in which the +affection of instinct and custom is transformed into the loftier and +richer affection of friendship. This high and benign transformation +takes place in due season between all mothers and sons, all daughters +and fathers, who afford the requisite conditions for it; that is, in +all cases where they remain long enough together, and their +characters and manners are such as naturally command respect and love +from each other. Even when children are ignoble and unworthy, their +fathers and mothers may yearn over them with every strictly parental +affection; and even when parents are vicious and degraded, their +children may regard them with every strictly filial affection; but +friendship between them is generally impossible without the +co-existence, on both sides, of intrinsic worth, of those responsive +virtues which elicit esteem and dominate sympathy. The great reason +of the failure of a broad, glowing friendship between parents and +children a failure o deplorably common in our homes is the lack, in +heir characters, of that wealth, nobleness, sweetness, patience, +aspiration, which would irresistibly draw them to each other in +mutual honor, love, and joy. The only remedy for this unhappy failure +is the cure of its unhappier cause. Whatever makes characters deep, +rich, pure, and gentle in themselves, tends to make them pleasing to +each other. + +It is absurd to suppose, that mean, hateful, and miserable souls will +love each other simply because they are connected by ties of +consanguinity, of interest, or of duty. + +Whatever makes us suffer, especially whatever injures our finer +emotions, naturally tends to become repulsive to us, an object of +dislike gathering disagreeable associations. Even a mother, a son, a +father, a daughter, may become such an object, as is illustrated with +melancholy frequency. But when parents and children possess those +high qualities of soul which naturally give pleasure, create +affection, and evoke homage; and when they are not too early +separated, or too much distracted in alien pursuits, a firm and +ardent friendship must spring up between them. The mere parental and +filial relation will become subordinated, as a sober central thread +in a wide web of colored embroidery. The parental instinct and the +filial instinct, weaned from their organic directness, will grow more +complex and mental; and, parallel with this process, the gracious +guardians and the clinging dependants will gradually change into +companions and friends, still retaining, however, sacred vestiges and +memories of the original cords of their union. When we have allowed +proper abatement for the thousands of instances in which this +precious result is not reached, the general statement now made opens +to us a large class of beautiful friendships. In all ages there have +been myriads of mothers and sons, myriads of daughters and fathers, +who were models of devoted, happy friends. Before paying attention to +these, it will be profitable for us to notice the other cases. + +Considered with reference to our subject, there are four classes of +parents and children. First, Those who are positive enemies, their +main relation being one of opposition, dislike, and pain. Undoubtedly +a chief reason for this unfortunate result is carelessness, failure +to understand and feel in advance the inestimable importance of a +right rule and fruition of the home. But a cause working more +strongly still arises from prominent vices of character, base and +wicked qualities of soul, which make harmony impossible, friction and +alienation inevitable. Disorder, fretfullness, antagonism, and +misery, pervading the house, compel its members to detest each other. +Then hatred occupies the place which should be occupied by +friendship. This is a melancholy and odious sight to see. It is a +horrible evil for its sufferers to endure. It is a terrible +misfortune and wretchedness to all concerned. + +Secondly, There are parents and children who live in entire unconcern +and neglect of each other, in a mere routine of external connections +and associations. This absence of all deep personal sensibility, +either sympathetic or hostile, is not so frightful a calamity as the +rankling resentment of a rooted and conscious enmity; but it is a +lamentable misfortune. It is a sad loss, however little they may +think of it. Absorbed in other matters, giving all their affection to +business, fashion, ambition, dissipation, or to persons outside of +the home-circle, they overlook the thing most indispensable for +placid and permanent contentment; and are sure, sooner or later, to +rue their folly, in an experience of bitter disappointment. + +Thirdly, there are those who, so far from cherishing hatred or +indifference, deeply love each other, and passionately long to enjoy +an intimate union in reciprocal confidence, esteem, and sympathy, but +are prevented by some unhappy impediment, some disastrous +misunderstanding or morbid pique. Many a parent yearns with +unspeakable fondness towards a disobedient and ungrateful child; the +heart breaking with agony for the reconciliation, the embrace, the +sweet communion fate withholds. Many a child profoundly desires to +fall at the feet of a cold, hard, careless parent, and with +supplicating tears win the notice, the affection, that would be so +priceless; and, sadder still, there is many an instance where both +parent and child are truly noble and affectionate, and would give the +world if they could break through the separating barrier, and lavish +their whole hearts on each other; but, in spite of these generous +qualities, their common desires and their bitter suffering, some +falsehood, some pride, some shyness, some suspicion, some chill, +intangible phantom, is set fatally between them. In every community +there are piteous tragedies of this sort, little dreamed of by those +outside, but which the bleeding hearts concerned in them feel as a +deadly drain, hastening them towards the grave. + +Fourthly, Besides the parents and children who are open enemies, who +are utter indifferentists, or who, while loving each other, are kept +apart by some obstacle, there is another class, who, as free and +cordial friends, happily realize in their relation all that is to be +desired. In these examples there are ample wisdom, considerateness, +tender sympathy, and guardian strength, on the one side; ready +docility, attentiveness, obedience, reverence, and fondness, on the +other; with an exuberance of indescribable comfort and peace on both +sides. What a treasure, what an inestimable boon, what a divine +trust, what an inexhaustible delight, is such an affection between a +parent and a child! What a paradise any country would be, if such an +experience were welling up, a pure fountain of life, in every home +throughout its borders! + +Few inquiries can have greater interest or importance than the +inquiry, why there is not more generally between parents and children +that warm, ingenuous, abiding affection which produces a full and +joyous friendship. A clear perception and statement of the +difficulties in the way of it may suggest the means of removing them. +And, in the outset, is it not obvious that the home affections +flourish so scantily because scanty attention is paid to the +cultivation of them? It is forever the fallacy and folly of man to +think least of that which lies nearest to him, and is the most +indissolubly bound up with his being as a cause of happiness or of +misery. He thinks most eagerly on those comparatively exceptional and +remote things, which, in consequence of their greatness or their +rarity, are the strangest and the most impressive to him. He ought to +pay the keenest heed to that which is the most important in its +influence on his life, not to that which is the most startling to his +fancy. Now, it is unquestionably true, that while there is nothing +which contributes so much to enrich or to impoverish us, to bless or +to curse us, as our domestic relations, there is scarcely any thing +which we take less pains to cultivate into all that it is capable of +becoming. In most instances, the life of the home is so close to us, +so identified with ourselves, accepted with such a matter of course +security, that we overlook the delicate conditions for preserving its +freshness and securing its increase. But, in every relation of +persons, there are two sets of conditions, corresponding with the two +sides, neither of which can be neglected with impunity. There are a +multitude of homes which are centres of irritation and wretchedness, +miniature hells to their occupants. + +The first thing to be done is to turn thought to the subject, break +up the apathy of routine, secure an earnest appreciation of the facts +in the case, and then study the remedy. + +One great obstacle to the desired friendships of parents and children +consists in the difficulty of a perfect sympathy between persons +marked by such differences of age, position, interest, and +experience. Those of the same years, passions, pleasures, duties, +will naturally sympathize the most easily. But in all these respects +the disparities of parent and child are equally numerous and +striking. + +They look at things from opposed points of view; they judge of +subjects in the light respectively of experience and of inexperience. +This great and constant contrast must give rise to innumerable +discrepancies of opinion and of desire, provocative of disagreements, +if not of dislikes. Nature has, however, provided powerful +neutralizers for this obstacle to sympathy between those who are so +widely unlike, counteractives which forcibly tend to prevent +disagreements from breeding hostilities. These counteractives are the +profound instincts of parental fondness and filial reverence, the +first of which tends to make the parents enter into the spiritual +states of their children, and to look at things from their point of +view; and the second, to make the children, with docile duteousness, +adopt as their own the conclusions of their parents. These +counteractives ought to be carefully fostered, neither party +forgetting the differences between himself and the other, but +endeavoring to bridge those differences by the identifying powers of +imagination and sympathy. Another frequent destroyer or lessener of +the natural love of parents and children is the conflict between the +rightful authority of the former and the wilful impulses of the +latter. + +Maturity, having accumulated knowledge and wisdom out of long +experience, and being set by God and nature in charge over the +headstrong instincts of ignorant or capricious youth, cannot avoid +the duty of frequently applying the curb to excessive desires, and +the spur to defective ones. A sense of chafing, an impulse to resent +and rebel, will naturally often arise. And, in every such collision +of passion and rule, there is a tendency to hostility. It is needless +to say how lamentably frequent are the examples in which this +tendency makes actual foes of those between whom the natural bonds of +love and reverence are of the most sacred character. It is evident +that parental authority is a divine trust which must be exercised +over childhood and youth. Only it should be exercised on principle, +not from caprice; for the good of the ruled, not for the +gratification of a despotic self-assertion in the ruler; with fond +gentleness, not with harshness or cruelty. And the authority of the +parent should be vindicated as far as possible by force of wisdom, +weight of character, power of persuasion; avoiding, as far as can +properly be done, every occasion of conflict, every need of a violent +issue. The child, on the other hand, ought to remember the rightful +authority of his parents, consider their greater experience, take for +granted their benignant intention, cultivate a grateful sense of +dependence and duty towards them, and foster the habit of prompt and +hearty submission to their wishes. It is a safe rule, in general, for +a boy or girl to respect and obey the father and mother, and not to +think, when they oppose the thoughtless spirit of self-indulgence, +that this parental opposition is unreasonable or unkind. To honor +one's parents is the first scriptural commandment with promise. + +It is a habit which no one will ever regret. But, alas! how many a +man, how many a woman, has kneeled on the grave where father or +mother lay mouldering, and has lamented, with burning tears of shame +and sorrow, the disobedience, the disrespect, the unkindness, the +neglect, shown in earlier years! How have they longed to lift up the +faded forms from their coffins, to re-animate them, and to have them +again in their homes, that, by unwearied ministrations of tenderness, +they might atone for the upbraiding past! Let the man in the full +maturity of his age, hardened by long contact with the world, revisit +the scenes of his childhood. Let him stand by the old homestead where +fence and wall have fallen, and house and hearth gone to dust. What +presence hallows the place? Who so fills the air about him as to seem +just ready to break into palpable vision wherever he turns? It is his +mother. Overwhelmed by a flood of memories, inspired by an immortal +faith, not less than by an immortal affection, he drops on his knees, +and cries, + +Mother! thou art mother still; +Only the body dies; +Such love as bound thy heart to mine, +Death only purifies. + +The same moral is drawn by Sarah Tytler in her excellent book of +"Sweet Counsel" for girls, where she says, "I do not know that I ever +told my father I was once or twice very angry with him for refusing +me this or that request. My lips will never tell him now, and beg his +pardon, and assure him that I was not worthy of him then, but that I +know all at last; my hand will never clasp his hand, my lips never +kiss his lips again. But I do not break my heart; for I think he +knows all that I ever intended to tell him, and has forgiven me long +ago. I am persuaded, + +"There must be wisdom with great death; +The dead shall look me through and through." + +But perhaps the most fatal influence against the growth and +perpetuation of vivid friendships between parents and children is the +disenchanting effect of familiarity. A close and constant +intercourse, long continued, usually tends to make persons arid, +commonplace, uninteresting, to each other, takes away surprise, eager +expectation, and romance. There is nothing human beings so much like +as to be able strongly to impress and be impressed. This seems to +cease to be possible in a company who fancy they have struck every +string, sounded every secret, exhausted the possibilities, in each +other. A long subjection of the same persons to the same +circumstances produces a general spirit of sameness, a flagging +tedium, a want of varied attraction and stimulation. Let a stranger, +a foreign friend, any honored guest, come in, and how his presence +quickens every thing! Life shines with novel lustre, and throbs with +new energy. Every one puts his best foot forward, exerts his best +powers to interest. The fresh pleasure every one feels gives him a +fresh power of pleasing. But, ah it would be of no use, we think, to +make any effort in the dull old circle of our familiars, who can +produce no effect on us, and on whom we, in turn, can produce no +effect. And thus life in the home becomes monotonous, torpid, and +vacant. Worlds of love are every day destroyed by indifference and +repulse. If the same pains were taken to invigorate and perpetuate +the domestic affections as to secure the good-will of other persons +whom we admire or depend on, it could scarcely fail to give a +wonderful enrichment to the satisfactions of home. + +This truth is especially applicable to the relation of parents and +children in our day. The old extreme of a severe exercise of parental +authority has passed away, and a new extreme of filial +insubordination and insolent self-assertion has taken its place. It +is altogether too frequent a thing now to see lads and lasses taking +their parents to task as inferiors, and demanding every service from +them. The thought of his child should be a constant delight to a +parent. When the ill-temper and ill-behavior of a child cause every +association with him in the heart of the parent to be disturbing and +painful, how can the result be otherwise than alienating and +depressing? Let there be two children in a family, one of whom is +invariably obedient, gentle, attentive, ingenuous; the other, +irritable, insubordinate, careless, secretive, and untruthful. The +former shall be idolized, while the latter is regarded with +condemnatory repugnance. The fact that a boy is your son, or that a +girl is your daughter, cannot wholly neutralize the repulsiveness of +their odious traits. When children uniformly respect and obey their +parents, and seek by every kind attention and praiseworthy effort to +please them, it is not in human nature that they should fail to be +unspeakably loved and caressed. Deferential treatment, patient +service, quick sympathy, expectant attention, an obvious desire to +please, are the most potent charms that mortals can wield. They show +that the parties are important to each other. They give life its +highest value. In their absence, all romantic color fades, and every +precious affection expires. The most effective intercourse that +vanity can establish with strangers offers nothing comparable to the +delicious quality of the experience which results when a parent and +child, of suitable character and age, are blessed with a complete +friendship. Every thought of it pours for them a sudden sunshine +through the sky, an exhilarating fragrance through the air. + +Undoubtedly the affections are greatly hurt and repressed by being +regarded as obligations rather than as privileges. They must be wooed +forth by the gentlest lures. They will not come when carelessly +expected and demanded as a matter of course. The heart will be free. +It imperiously resents bonds and orders. The love of parent and child +is certainly even more a delight than it is a duty. They should be +friends, not so much because they are commanded to be such, but more +because they are mutually worthy, and because their peace of mind, +their contentment of heart, their improvement and happiness, depend +on their being such. What privilege can be imagined superior in +purity of joy and profit, to that of a young man who has for his +friend a wise and holy mother, whom he loves with enthusiasm and +confides in with an absolute devotion? + +And if there be a human tear +From passion's dross refined and clear, +A tear so limpid and so meek +It would not stain an angel's cheek, +'Tis that which pious fathers shed +Upon a duteous daughter's head. + +FRIENDSHIPS OF MOTHERS AND SONS. + +CORNELIA, daughter of Scipio Africanus, and wife of Tiberius +Gracchus, was left a widow, with a large family of young children. +She refused all subsequent offers of marriage, even when Ptolemy of +Egypt wished to share his throne with her. Her two sons, Tiberius and +Caius, the tribunes who achieved such greatness and fame, owed every +thing to her judicious training, to her wise and unwearied pains in +educating them, guarding them, and inspiring them to high deeds. She +was almost idolized by the Roman people, and occupied, indeed, the +proudest position of any woman in the history of her country. Her two +sons venerated, and invariably took counsel with their mother. + +It is evident that their inner lives were shared with her. One of +them was known to have dropped, at her request, a law which he meant +to urge through the Senate. Cicero says that Catulus pronounced a +public panegyric on his mother, Popilia, the first time such a thing +was done in Rome. In a less formal manner, Caius Gracchus often +publicly spoke the praises of his mother, Cornelia. When her sons +were murdered, she bore the cruel affliction with imposing +magnanimity. Departing from Rome, she took up her abode at Misenum, +where, in the exercise of a queenly hospitality, she lived, +surrounded by illustrious men of letters, as well as by others of the +highest rank and distinction. Universally honored and respected, she +reached a good old age, and finally received at the hands of the +Roman people a statue inscribed, Cornelia, mother of the Gracchi. +Notwithstanding her somewhat meddlesome and despotic temper, Queen +Olympias seems to have maintained an intimate friendship with her +son, Alexander the Great. He omitted no occasion, we are told, of +showing his esteem and affection for her. When absent on his +campaigns, he kept up a constant correspondence with her, highly +valuing her letters, and in return concealing nothing from her. Saint +Augustine and his mother, Saint Monica, a sublime example of this +friendship, sit on the shore of fame, side by side; the face of the +mother a little above that of the son; both of them worn with care, +full of lofty pathos and love, looking at us out of the night of +time; the sea of mortal passion far beneath their feet; the eternal +stars hanging silent above, even as Ary Scheffer reveals in his +solemn picture of them sitting in the window at Ostia, and gazing +together over the ocean. + +Thirty years after the death of Monica, Augustine said in one of his +sermons, "Ah! The dead do not come back; for, had it been possible, +there is not a night when I should not have seen my mother, she who +could not live apart from me, and who, in all my wanderings, never +forsook me. For God forbid that in heaven her affection should cease, +or that she should not, if she could, have come to console me when I +suffered! She who loved me more than words can express." The example, +in American history, of a valued and fruitful friendship between a +mother and a son, given by Abigail Adams and John Quincy Adams, is +stamped with prominence by the exceptional fact of the publication of +her letters to him. These letters breathe wisdom and virtue, with +incitement to all worthy aims, no less than strong mental +companionship and fervent maternal sympathy. They have been edited by +her grandson, who pays her a deserved tribute in the memoir he has +prefixed. The wife of the elder President Adams can never lose the +exalted place she holds, in the honoring remembrance of the American +people, among those exemplary women whose powerful talents and +virtues did so much to mould the destinies of the nascent Republic. +Madame Goethe said to Bettine, "My Wolfgang and I were so nearly of +an age, that we grew up together more as playmates than as mother and +child." And, when the great Wolfgang was an old man, he said that his +mother, as yet quite a child, grew up to consciousness first with, +then in, himself and his sister Cornelia. Her intercourse with him is +prominent through a large part of his life: her influence on him is +visible through the whole of it. The union of the illustrious +brothers Humboldt with their mother was especially full and tender. +While she lived, they shared souls; and, after her departure, the +sons idolized her memory. Long years had passed, when William, +expiring in the arms of his elder brother, said, "I shall soon be +with our mother." And Alexander said, "I did not think my old eyes +had so many tears." The relation of Guizot, the distinguished French +statesman and author, with his mother, was one of the deepest, +fullest, and noblest friendships that ever conjoined mother and son. +Madame Guizot went through the horror and tragedy of the Revolution, +to which her husband was one of the choicest victims, with a heroism +and a dignity unsurpassed; and devoted herself to her maternal duties +with a calm energy and wisdom whose proper fruits she lived long to +enjoy. Her character revealed the purest feminine qualities in +conspicuous perfection. Her honored old age showed all that is lovely +and all that is august united, in her history, her spirit, her +manners, her acquirements, and her presence, to attract confidence +and to command respect. Indissolubly joined, through more than sixty +years, with her brilliant and high-souled son, she was not more proud +and fond of him than he was of her. + +FRIENDSHIPS OF DAUGHTERS AND FATHERS. + +CICERO and his daughter, Tullia, enjoyed an extraordinary friendship. +From all the hints left us, it is to be gathered that Tullia was a +woman of sweet and noble character. It is certain that she was most +affectionately devoted to her father; and that she had +accomplishments of knowledge and taste, qualifying her to be his +companion and his delight in his age and grief. It is affecting to +read how eagerly, on his recall from exile, she hurried to Brundusium +to throw herself into his arms. She died at about thirty-two. He was +thrown into a state of lamentable prostration. Turn where he would in +his inconsolable sorrow, engage in whatever he might, tears +constantly overtook him. His friends, Atticus, Csar, Brutus, +Sulpicius, and others, wrote letters of sympathy to him. He retired +to one of country-seats. Seeking the solace of solitude, he buried +himself every morning in the thickest of the wood, and came not out +till evening. In his former reverses, he says he could turn to one +place for shelter and peace. "A daughter I had, in whose sweet +conversation I could drop all my cares and troubles. + +But now every thing is changed." "It is all over with me, Atticus: I +feel it more than ever now that I have lost the only being who still +bound me to life." He purposed to erect on a commanding site, as a +monument to his dear Tullia, a splendid temple, which, as though +dedicated to some god, should survive all the changes of ownership, +and bear to distant futurity the memory of her worth, and of his +sorrow for her. For a long time, he could think of nothing but the +details of this plan, on which he intended to lavish the bulk of his +fortune. He avoided society for almost a year, and never recovered +from the wound which the loss of her gave his heart. Margaret Roper +was the pride and darling of her father, Sir Thomas More, whom in +return she venerated and loved with the whole depth of her heart. The +beauty of their relation cannot be forgotten by those who have read +the life of the great English martyr. It was by her brave duteousness +that his mutilated body was buried in the chancel of Chelsea Church. +His head, exposed upon a pole on London Bridge for fourteen days, was +ordered to be thrown into the Thames; but Margaret rescued it, +preserved it in a leaden box, and directed that, after her death, it +should be placed with her in the grave. + +One of the loveliest examples of this class of friendships is +unveiled by William Wirt in the exquisite memoir he wrote of his +daughter, Agnes, after her death at the early age of sixteen. The +example is closely parallel to that of the famous and good John +Evelyn, who, apostrophizing his daughter, Mary, in mournful memory, +says, "Thy affection, duty, and love to me was that of a friend as +well as of a child." So Wirt writes of his Agnes: "To me she was not +only the companion of my studies, but the sweetener of my toils. The +painter, it is said, relieved his aching eyes by looking on a curtain +of green. My mind, in its hour of deepest fatigue, required no other +refreshment than one glance at my beloved child, as she sat beside +me." Not many fathers and daughters have been fonder or faster +friends than Aaron and Theodosia Burr. The character and memory of +Burr, in the popular imagination, have been blackened beyond the hope +of bleaching. Of course, he was a man mixed of good and bad; and was +not such an unmitigated devil as some would paint him. But his +selfishness, sensuality, recklessness, and degradation give, in one +respect, a peculiar interest and instructiveness to the enthusiastic +friendship subsisting between him and his daughter. It is no disproof +of the need of the great virtues to serve as the basis of a true and +enduring friendship. It proves that a sincere love, even in an +unclean and depraved soul, purges it, and adorns it with meritorious +charms and real worth in that relation. However bad Burr may have +been in other relations, to his daughter he was ever good, gentle, +and wise, unwearied in his devotion, and clothed with many +fascinations. Good persons may sometimes be ill-consorted and odious +to each other, their intercourse full of jars and frictions. Bad +persons may sometimes be so related as to show each other only their +good qualities, and be happy friends, while all around are detesting +them. In one of her letters to her father, Theodosia speaks of his +wonderful fortitude, and goes on to say, "Often, after reflecting on +this subject, you appear to me so elevated above all other men; I +contemplate you with such a strange mixture of humility, admiration, +reverence, love, and pride, that very little superstition would be +necessary to make me worship you as a superior being; such enthusiasm +does your character excite in me. When I afterward revert to myself, +how insignificant do my best qualities appear! My vanity would be +greater, if I had not been placed so near you; and yet my pride is in +our relationship. I had rather not live than not be the daughter of +such a man." Burr, on the evening before his duel with Hamilton, +wrote to his daughter a long letter, in which he said, "I am indebted +to you, my dearest Theodosia, for a very great portion of the +happiness which I have enjoyed in this life. You have completely +satisfied all that my heart and affections had hoped, or even +wished." Unhappily he slew his antagonist, and himself survived to +carry a load of deadly and universal obloquy which would have crushed +to the earth almost any other man. + +Theodosia set sail from Charleston in a little vessel, which was +never heard of again. It was supposed to have foundered off Cape +Hatteras. The loss of his daughter, Burr said, "severed him from the +human race." Certainly, from that time to the end of his prolonged +and dishonored life, he never was wholly what he had been before. An +inner spring had been broken, and the purest contents of his heart +had escaped through the breach. Parton very fitly dedicates to the +memory of Theodosia his highly readable and charitable life of her +father. That brilliant lawyer, the late Rufus Choate, remarked, on +reading this life, that there did not seem to have been in Burr a +single glimpse of so much as the last and poorest tribute vice pays +to virtue, not even the affectation of a noble sentiment. But we may +claim with justice, that the friendship with his daughter is one +bright place in that frightfully stained, one golden gleam on that +dismally mutilated, career. Mention should be made of Richard and +Maria Edgeworth, among those whose union as father and daughter, was +merged in a superior fellowship as friends, in a more intimate and +delightful junction of ideas, sentiments, and labors. Their united +lives, their mutual devotion, their shared counsels, pleasures, and +tasks, form one of the finest of domestic pictures, a model of a +Christian household. In the preface to the life of himself which he +left for Maria to complete and publish, he says, "If my daughter +should perceive any extenuation or any exaggeration, it would wound +her feelings, she would be obliged to alter or omit, and her +affection for me would be diminished: can the public have a better +surety than this for the accuracy of these memoirs?" And Maria says, +"Few, I believe, have ever enjoyed such happiness, or such +advantages, as I have had in the instructions, society, and unbounded +confidence and affection of such a father and such a friend. He was, +in truth, ever since I could think or feel, the first object and +motive of my mind." One of the most remarkable friendships of this +sort was that of Madame de Stael and her father. Necker was a kind, +good, and able man, who occupied a distinguished position and played +a prominent part in his time. But the genius of his impassioned +daughter transfigured him into a hero and a sage. Her attachment to +him was, in personal relations, the dominant sentiment of her life. +With distinct comprehension and glowing sympathy, she entered into +his thoughts and fortunes. She was to him an invaluable source of +strength, counsel, and consolation. + +An instance, partly ludicrous, illustrates her tender solicitude for +him; and it also shows how the mere idea of an event has, with a +person of her genius, the power of the actual occurrence. The +coachman chanced to overset and considerably damage the empty family +carriage. When told of it, she was indifferent until the idea of +danger to her father struck her; then, exclaiming, "My God! had M. +Necker been in it, he might have been killed," she rushed to the +luckless driver, and burst on him with a storm of denunciations, +mixed with expostulatory precautions as to the future. When her +father died, Madame de Stael was plunged into despairing grief, from +which she aroused herself for a vain effort to make the public share +in the profound admiration and love she felt for him. It was one of +her greatest trials that she could not succeed in this fond +undertaking. Perhaps she was not so much deceived in her exalted +estimate of her father as has been supposed. But he lacked that +egotistical dash, those impulsive displays of daring and brilliancy, +which are needed to make a sensation, and to secure quickly a great +and lasting popularity. During the thirteen years that she survived +him, the thought of him seemed constantly present; and she often +said, "My father is waiting for me on the other shore." The touching +words, addressed to Chateaubriand a little while before she crossed +over, in which she summed up her life, were these: "I have always +been the same, intense and sad. I have loved God, my father, and +liberty." The unhappy Letitia Landon found a congenial friend in her +father, the early loss of whom was the first in the sad series of her +misfortunes. She closes her poem of "The Troubadour" with an +affecting tribute to his memory: + +My heart hath said no name but thine +Shall be on this last page of mine. + +Such examples as the foregoing, showing what a treasure of help and joy +the friendship of parent and child may yield to them, should teach us +to think more of it, and to cultivate with greater fidelity the +conditions of so blessed an experience. + +FRIENDSHIPS OF SISTERS AND BROTHERS. + +THE next class of friendships consists of those formed between +brothers and sisters. In this relation meet many favorable conditions +for carrying sympathy to a great height, when the blinding effect of +early familiarity and the palling effect of routine are prevented or +neutralized. The organic affinities and heritage derived from their +common parentage, with the memories and hopes they have in common, +are, of themselves, endearing bonds. Then there are differences +enough in the boy and the girl to give their communion contrasts and +zest. Unless they are frigid, selfish, or absorbed in counter +directions, or are the subjects of some unfortunate incongruity, a +rich friendship spontaneously arises between a brother and a sister +who advance to maturity in the same dwelling. A gifted woman, the +author of "Counterparts" and "Charles Auchester," who, devoured by +the flame of her own genius, died too young, has written, somewhat +extravagantly, "O blessed sympathy of sisterhood with brotherhood! +Surpassing all other friendship, leavening with angel solicitude the +purest love of earth. No lovership like that of the brother and the +sister, however passionate their spirits, when they truly love." +Narcissus, in the classic fable, had a lovely sister, to whom he was +most fondly attached. They were the images and mirrors of each other. +It was only when death had snatched her from his side, that, pining +under his bereavement, wandering by fountains and rivers, lie caught +glimpses of his own reflection; and, mistaking the illusory show for +his lost companion, fell in love with himself, and languished away +till rejoined with her in the pale world of Hades. + +Hardly any picture in literature is more famous than that of the +friendship of Orestes and Electra. What divine beauty, what tragic +pathos, what immortal truth, are in it! And the friendship of +Antigone and Polynices is similar. With the Greeks this relation was +under the special protection of Apollo and Diana, the divine brother +and sister, whose physical representatives were the sun and moon. +Iphigenia, priestess in Tauris, in her distress for her brother, +prays to the goddess for pity and help: + +For thou, Diana, lov'st thy gentle brother +Beyond what earth and heaven can offer thee, +And dost, with quiet yearning, ever turn +Thy virgin face to his eternal light. + +A striking example of this relation, sustained with great fullness +and warmth, was given by Saint Benedict and Saint Scholastica in the +sixth century. In the ecclesiastic legends connected with. The +canonization of this brother and sister, it is narrated that they +were accustomed to meet at a place intermediate between their +retreats on Mount Cassino and at Plombariola, and to spend the night +together in spiritual conversation and communion on the joys of +heaven. Three days after their last interview, Scholastica died in +her solitude. Benedict, rapt in contemplation on his mount at that +moment, is said to have seen the soul of his sister ascend to heaven +in the shape of a dove. He immediately sent for her body, and had it +laid, with tender and solemn ceremonies, in the tomb which he had +previously prepared for himself. The friendship of Tasso and his +sister Cornelia has often been the theme of painting and of song. +When, escaping from Ferrara, lacerated, irritated, melancholy, the +poor half-mad poet fled from his persecutors, he thought he would +test the affection of this early playmate and friend, whom he had not +seen for many a weary year. Disguising himself as a shepherd, he +presented himself before her in her home at Sorrento. He drew so +piteous a picture of her brother's misfortunes and condition that she +fainted. As soon as she recovered, he made himself known; and +Torquato and Cornelia, with a swift revival of their old affection, +were locked in a tender embrace, as has been described by Mrs. Hemans +in a poem of extreme beauty and power of feeling. + +The peaceful retreat, the glorious scenery, the gentle nursing, +restored him to health and cheerfullness. Alas that he would not +stay, but rushed away to his fate The beautiful and chivalrous +Margaret of Navarre was a pattern of enthusiastic devotion to her +brother, Francis I When Charles V carried him prisoner to Madrid, and +he was dying there, she went to him through every peril, and, by her +nursing, restored him. She then formed a friendship with the sister +of Charles, and induced her secretly to espouse Francis, thus +securing his deliverance by his imperial brother-in-law. The enduring +monuments of art with which Francis embellished his kingdom were her +inspiration. At a distance from him in his last illness, "she went +every day, and sat down on a stone in the middle of the road, to +catch the first glimpse of a messenger afar off. And she said, "Ah +whoever shall come to announce the recovery of the king my brother, +though he be tired, jaded, soiled, dishevelled, I will kiss him and +embrace him as though he were the finest gentleman in the kingdom." +Hearing of his death, she soon followed him. It is painful to know +that the love of Francis to her was not a tithe of hers to him. He +loved her, but treated her with a good deal of the feudal tyranny +which belonged to the age. She deserved from him boundless tenderness +and generosity. Sir Philip and Mary Sidney shared the same studies +and labors, and were endeared even more by similarity of soul than by +their common parentage. Together they translated the Psalms. The name +and dedication which the brother gave to his principal work are an +imperishable shrine of his affection for his sister, "The Countess of +Pembroke's Arcadia." Spenser refers to her as "most resembling in +shape and spirit her brother dear." She wrote a beautiful elegy on +his death at Zutphen: Great loss to all that ever did him see; Great +loss to all, but greatest loss to me. The renowned experimental +philosopher, Robert Boyle, and his sister, Catherine, the very +accomplished and famous countess of Ranelagh, were a noted pair of +friends. Bishop Burnet has drawn for us a delightful picture of them. +He says, "They were pleasant in their lives, and in their deaths they +were not divided; for, as he lived with her above forty years, so he +did not outlive her a week." The countess "lived the longest on the +most public scene, and made the greatest figure, in all the +revolutions of these kingdoms for above fifty years, of any woman of +that age." She laid out her time, her interest, and her estate, with +the greatest zeal and success, in doing good to others, without +regard to sects or relations. "When any party was down, she had +credit and zeal enough to serve them; and she employed these so +effectually, that, in the next turn, she had a new stock of credit, +which she laid out wholly in that labor of love in which she spent +her life. And though some particular opinions might shut her up in a +divided communion, yet her soul was never of a party. She divided her +charities and friendships both, her esteem as well as her bounty, +with the truest regard to merit and her own obligations, without any +difference made upon the account of opinion. She had, with a vast +reach of knowledge and apprehension, an universal affability and +easiness of access, an humility that descended to the meanest persons +and concerns, an obliging kindness and readiness to advise those who +had no occasion for any farther assistance from her. And with all +those and many other excellent qualities, she had the deepest sense +of religion, and the most constant turning of her thoughts and +discourses that way, that has been, perhaps, in our age. Such a +sister became such a brother; and it was but suitable to both their +characters, that they should have improved the relation under which +they were born to the more exalted and endearing one of friend." Two +of the most distinguished in the long roll of eminent astronomers are +a brother and a sister, Sir William and Caroline Herschel. The story +of their united labors, how, for thousands of nights, side by side +they sat and watched and calculated and wrote, one sweeping the +telescopic heavens, the other assisting, and noting down the results; +how, with one spirit and one interest, they grew old together and +illustrious together; their several achievements, both at home and in +observatories on strange shores to which they voyaged, always +associated; with what affectionate care she trained the favorite +nephew, who was to burnish into still more effulgent brightness the +star-linked name of Herschel, the story of all this is full of +attractiveness, and forms one of the warm and poetic episodes in the +high, cold annals of science. The union of John Aikin and his sister +Letitia, afterwards Mrs. Barbauld, in life, tastes, labors, was +uncommonly close and complete. The narrative of it; so warm, +substantial, and healthy was it, leaves a pleasing and invigorating +influence on the sympathies of those who read it. They composed +together several of their excellent and most useful literary works. +While Mrs. Barbauld was tarrying at Geneva, her brother addressed a +letter in verse to her: + +Yet one dear wish still struggles in my breast, +And paints one darling object unpossessed. +How many years have whirled their rapid course +Since we, sole streamlets from one honored source, +In fond affection, as in blood, allied, +Have wandered devious from each other's side, +Allowed to catch alone some transient view, +Scarce long enough to think the vision true! +Oh! then, while yet some zest of life remains; +While transport yet can swell the beating veins; +While sweet remembrance keeps her wonted seat, +And fancy still retains some genial heat; +When evening bids each busy task be o'er, +Once let us meet again, to part no more! + +That evening came. In the village of Stoke Newington, they spent the +last twenty years of their lives, in that close neighborhood which +admitted of the daily, almost hourly, interchanges of mind and heart. +There was a friendship of great strength between Goethe and his +sister Cornelia. She was only a year younger than her brother, his +companion in plays, lessons, and trials, bound to him by the closest +ties and innumerable associations. While she was yet in the cradle, +he prepared dolls and amusements for her, and was very jealous of all +who came between them. + +They grew up in such union, that, as he afterwards said, they might +have been taken for twins. The sternness of their father drove them +into a more confiding sympathy. When he had become a young man, and +was accustomed to make frequent excursions, he says, "I was again +drawn towards home, and that by a magnet which attracted me strongly +at all times: it was my sister." Cornelia had superior endowments of +mind, great force and truth of character; but she keenly felt her +want of beauty, "a want richly compensated by the unbounded +confidence and love borne to her by all her female friends." And yet +Goethe says, "When my connection with Gretchen was torn asunder, my +sister consoled me the more warmly, because she felt the secret +satisfaction of having got rid of a rival; and I, too, could not but +feel a great pleasure when she did me the justice to assure me that I +was the only one who truly loved, understood, and esteemed her." At +twenty-three, Cornelia was married to one of Goethe's intimate +friends, Schlosser; and, in four years, she died. In one of her +brother's frequent allusions to her, this striking trait is recorded: +"Her eyes were not the finest I have ever seen, but the deepest, +behind which you expected the most meaning; and when they expressed +any affection, any love, their glance was without its equal." In his +autobiography, written long, long after her death, he says, + +"As I lost this beloved, incomprehensible being but too early, I felt +inducement enough to picture her excellence to myself; and so there +arose within me the conception of a poetic whole, in which it might +have been possible to exhibit her individuality: no other form could +be thought of for it than that of the Richardsonian romance. But the +tumult of the world called me away from this beautiful and pious +design, as it has from so many others; and nothing now remains for me +but to call up, for a moment, that blessed spirit, as if by the aid +of a magic mirror." + +A relation of a more absorbing character than the foregoing existed +between Jacobi and his sister Lena. "For a long series of years," +Steffens writes, "she lived one life with her brother, even ennobling +and exalting him by her presence. She took part in all his studies, +all his controversies; and changed the still self-communion of the +lonely man into a long conversation." There are many accounts, given +by contemporaries, of her minute carefullness for him and unwearied +devotion to him. Some make the picture a little comical, from the +excess of coddling; but all agree as to the unfailing and +affectionate sincerity of their attachment. + +There was an uncommon friendship between Chateaubriand and his +youngest sister, Lucile, a girl of extreme beauty, genius, +spirituality, and melancholy. He says of those years, "I grew up with +my sister Lucile: our friendship constituted the whole of our lives." +"Her thoughts were all sentiments." "Her elegance, sweetness, +imaginativeness, and impassioned sensibility, presented a combination +of Greek and German genius." "Our principal recreation consisted in +walking, side by side, on the great Mall: in spring, on a carpet of +primroses; in autumn, on beds of withered foliage; in winter, on a +covering of snow. Young like the primroses, sad like the dry leaves, +and pure as the new-fallen snow, there was a harmony between our +recreations and ourselves." Lucile first persuaded her brother to +write. Afterwards he says, "We undertook works in common: we passed +days in mutual consultation, in communicating to each other what we +had done, and what we purposed to do." The lamentation he breathed +over her grave, when she died, is one of the most affecting passages +in his long autobiography. + +Ernst and Charlotte Schleiermacher were a choice and ever-faithful +pair of friends. The published life and letters of the great preacher +reveal the full beauty and importance of this relation. Their +correspondence is filled equally with the manifestations of varied +intelligence and of congenial feeling. Sharing all their experience +in affectionate intercourse, or in full and cordial letters, they +appeared thus to find their pleasures heightened, their perplexities +cleared, their trials alleviated. To this noble divine, so celebrated +for his profound scholarship, his enthusiastic piety, his exalted +sensibility, and his heroic aims, Charlotte was knit by affinities of +character and life, even more closely than by those of blood and +name. + +The souls and experiences of William and Dorothy Wordsworth were +overwrought with singular felicity and entireness. Readers will long +trace the signals of this friendship in his works the record of it in +his nephew's memoir of him with pleased surprise, and dwell on its +lessons with thoughtful gratitude. Dorothy, not quite two years +younger than William, was gifted like him, fraught with a similar +temper of patient tenderness, and bound up with him in the same +bundle of life. How thoroughly she lived in him is betrayed, with a +naive simplicity altogether charming, in her published notes of the +tour they made in Scotland. His appreciation of her worth, and his +affectionate sense of indebtedness to her, find many memorable +utterances. Depicting her influence on him, he thanks God, and says, + +The blessing of my later years +Was with me when a boy. +She gave me eyes, she gave me ears, +And humble cares and delicate fears; A +heart, the fountain of sweet tears; +And love and thought and joy. + +They took a cottage at Grasmere, where they lived by themselves until +William's marriage; nor were they parted then. + +This plot of orchard-ground is ours: +My trees they are, my sister's flowers. + +When Coleridge was in Germany, he wrote to them a long letter in +hexameters, in which were these lines: + +William, my head and my heart! dear William and dear Dorothea! You +have all in each other; but I am lonely, and want you. + +At another time, the same man, so beloved by them both, writes to a +common friend in the following strain: "Wordsworth and his exquisite +sister are with me. Sue is a woman, indeed, in mind I mean, and in +heart. In every motion, her innocent soul out-beams so brightly that +who saw her would say, "Guilt is a thing impossible with her." Her +information is various; her eye, watchful in minutest observation of +nature; and her taste, a perfect electrometer." Referring to the +period of his opening manhood, and the sanguine hopes kindled by the +dawn of the French Revolution, Wordsworth says, + +When every day brought with it some new sense +Of exquisite regard for common things, +And all the earth was budding with these gifts +Of more refined humanity, thy breath, +Dear sister, was a kind of gentler string, +That went before my step. + +She lived with him, indoors and out of doors. She weaned him from the +embittering brawl of politics, and warded away the sourness and +despair, which, at one time, seriously threatened to possess him. In +the "Prelude," he makes this touching acknowledgment: + +Then it was, +Thanks to the bounteous Giver of all good, +That the beloved sister, in whose sight +Those days were passed,... +Maintained for me a saving intercourse +With my true self. + +Daily, for so many years, they went "stepping westward" in company. +His eldest daughter his most darling child, whose radiant apparition +he imagined had come for him as he was dying, and cried, "Is that +Dore" bore the dear sister's name. Several of her poems were printed +with his. In addition to the well-known poem, "To My Sister," the +"Descriptive Sketches" and "An Evening Walk" were addressed to her. +And numerous incidental tributes, woven into his chief works, will, +better than any magic spice or nard, perfume her memory, and keep it +fresh as long as his own has name and breath to live among men. + +Mine eyes did ne'er +Fix on a lovely object, nor my mind +Take pleasure in the midst of happy thoughts, +But either she, whom now I have, who now +Divides with me that loved abode, was there, +Or not far off. Where'er my footsteps turned, +Her voice was like a hidden bird that sang. +The thought of her was like a flash of light, +Or an unseen companionship, a breath +Or fragrance independent of the wind. + +The perverse pride of Byron, the vices to which he yielded, the bad +things in his writings, the sectarian obloquy which pursued him, have +veiled from popular apprehension some of the sweet and noble +qualities of his heart. Notwithstanding his perverse lower impulses, +he was one of the most princely and magical of the immortal lords of +fame. So far from there being any lack of permanent value and power +in his verse, any falling from his established rank, the most +authoritative critics, more generally today than ever before, +acknowledge him to be the greatest lyric poet that ever lived. One +can hardly help being awed at the thought of the genius and +fascination of the young man whom the gifted and fastidious Shelley +called + +The pilgrim of eternity, whose fame +Over his living head, like heaven, is bent-- +An early but enduring monument. + +Perhaps his better traits nowhere shine out with such steady lustre +as in the constancy of glowing tenderness with which, in all his +wanderings, woes, and glory, he cherished the love of his sister +Augusta, Mrs. Leigh. She remained unalterably attached to him through +the dreadful storm of unpopularity which drove him out of England. +With what convulsive gratitude he appreciated her fond fidelity, he +has expressed with that passionate richness of power which no other +could ever equal. Four of his most splendid poems were composed for +her and addressed to her. In the one beginning, "When all around grew +drear and dark," he says, + +When fortune changed, and love fled far, +And hatred's shafts flew thick and fast, +Thou wert the solitary star +Which rose, and set not to the last. + +The wonderful verses commencing, + +Though the day of my destiny's over, +And the star of my fate hath declined, +Thy soft heart refused to discover +The faults which so many could find, + +wring the very soul by their intensity of feeling condensed into +language of such vigor and such melody. + +From the wreck of the past, which hath perished, +Thus much I at least may recall: +It hath taught me that what I most cherished +Deserved to be dearest of all. +In the desert a fountain is springing, +In the wide waste there still is a tree, +And a bird in the solitude singing, +Which speaks to my spirit of thee. + +To her he sent one of the first presentation copies of "Childe +Harold," with this inscription: "To Augusta, my dearest sister and +my best friend, who has ever loved me much better than I deserved, +this volume is presented by her father's son and most affectionate +brother." He wrote to her those expressions of love beginning, + +The castled crag of Drachenfels +Frowns o'er the wide and winding Rhine; + +and ending, + +Nor could on earth a spot be found +To nature and to me so dear, +Could thy dear eyes, +In following mine, +Still sweeten more +These banks of Rhine, + +expressions so transcendently fond and earnest in their beauty, +that it is a thrilling luxury to linger on them, return to them, +and repeat them over and over. + +One of the finest and richest productions of his genius, both in +thought and in passion, is the poem he wrote to her when he was +living at Diodati, on the banks of Leman. + +My sister, my sweet sister! if a name +Dearer and purer were, it should be thine. +Mountains and seas divide us; but I claim +No tears, but tenderness to answer mine. +Go where I will, to me thou art the same, +A loved regret which I would not resign. +There yet are two things in my destiny, +A world to roam through, and a home with thee. + +I feel almost, at times, as I have felt +In happy childhood: trees and flowers and brooks, +Which do remember me of where I dwelt +Ere my young mind was sacrificed to books; +Come as of yore upon me, and can melt +My heart with recognition of their looks; +And even, at moments, I could think I see +Some living thing to love, but none like thee. + +Oh that thou wert but with me! but I grow +The fool of my own wishes, and forget +The solitude which I have vaunted so +Has lost its praise in this but one regret. + +The last intelligible words of Byron were, +"Augusta, Ada, my sister, my child." + +It would be hard to find a friendship more deeply rooted, more +inclusive of the lives of the parties, proof against terrible +trials, full of quiet fondness and substantial devotion, than that +of Charles Lamb and his sister Mary. The earliest written +expression of this attachment occurs in a sonnet "To my Sister," +composed by Charles in a lucid interval, when he was confined in +the asylum at Hoxton for the six weeks of his single attack of +insanity. + +Thou to me didst ever show +Kindest affection; and wouldst oft-times lend +An ear to the desponding love-sick lay, +Weeping my sorrows with me, who repay +But ill the mighty debt of love I owe, +Mary, to thee, my sister and my friend. + +Mary was ten years older than Charles, and, as is shown well in +Talfourd's "Final Memorials," loved him with an affection combining a +mother's care, a sister's tenderness, and a friend's fervent +sympathy. Nor did he, in return, fall short in any respect. He +appreciated her devotion, pitied her sorrow, responded to her +feelings, revered her worth, and ministered to her wants with a +loving gentleness, a patient self-sacrifice, and an heroic fortitude, +which, as we gaze on his image, make the halo of the saint and the +crown of the martyr alternate with the wrinkles of his weaknesses and +his mirth. In one of her periodical paroxysms of madness, Mary struck +her mother dead with a knife. Charles was then twenty-two, full of +hope and ambition, enthusiastically attached to Coleridge, and in +love with a certain "fair-haired maid," named Anna, to whom he had +written some verses. This fearful tragedy altered and sealed his +fate. He felt it to be his duty to devote himself thenceforth to his +unhappy sister. He abandoned every thought of marriage, gave up his +dreams of fame, and turned to his holy charge, with a chastened but +resolute soul. "She for whom he gave up all," De Vincy says, "in turn +gave up all for him. And of the happiness, which for forty years or +more he had, no hour seemed true that was not derived from her." He +never thought his sacrifice of youth and love gave him any license +for caprice towards her or exactions from her. He always wrote of her +as his better self, his wiser self, a generous benefactress, of whom +he was hardly worthy. "Of all the people I ever saw in the world, my +poor sister is the most thoroughly devoid of the least tincture of +selfishness." He was happy when she was well and with him. His great +sorrow was to be obliged so often to part from her on the recurrences +of her attacks. "To say all that I know of her would be more than I +think anybody could believe or even understand. It would be sinning +against her feelings to go about to praise her; for I can conceal +nothing I do from her. All my wretched imperfections I cover to +myself by resolutely thinking on her goodness. She would share life +and death, heaven and hell, with me. She lives but for me." Their +hearts and lives were blended for forty years. Mary was unconscious +at the time of her brother's death, and the blow was mercifully +deadened in her gradual recovery. In her sunset walks she would +invariably lead her friends towards the churchyard where Charles was +laid. Their common friend Moxon paints the touching scene: + +Here sleeps beneath this bank, where daisies grow, +The kindliest sprite earth holds within her breast. +Her only mate is now the minstrel lark, +Save she who comes each evening, ere the bark +Of watch-dog gathers drowsy folds, to shed +A sister's tears. + +Eleven years later, this memorable friendship, so sacred to all who +knew it, was consummated for earth, as a few reverential survivors +entered the shadow of Edmonton Church, and, coming away, left Mary +and Charles Lamb sleeping in the same grave. + +The union of Felix and Fanny Mendelssohn was something wonderful, +like the wonderful genius of sensibility and music which endowed them +both. Such pure, tender, and noble souls are made for each other. The +more fervid and exacting bonds of marriage and parentage did not +interfere with the profound sympathy in which they lived, both when +together and when apart. They corresponded in music. Their emotions, +too deep and strange to be conveyed in words, like articulate +thoughts, they expressed in tones. Seating themselves at their +instruments, they would for hours carry on an intercourse perfectly +intelligible to each other, and more adequate and delicious than any +vocal conversation. When Felix, at Naples, at Rome, or in London, +sent to Fanny a letter composed in notes, she translated it first +with her eyes, then with her piano. The most charming transcripts of +these affectionate and musical souls were thus made in music. Sweeter +or more divinely gifted beings have rarely appeared on this earth. +Their relations of spirit were sensitive and organic, far beneath the +reach of intellectual consciousness. They seemed able to communicate +tidings through the ethereal medium by some subtile telegraphy of +feeling, which transcends understanding, and belongs to a miraculous +region of life. For, when Fanny died in her German home, Felix, +amidst a happy company in England, suddenly aware of some terrible +calamity, from the disturbance of equilibrium and dread sinking of +his soul, rushed to the piano, and poured out his anguish in an +improvisation of wailing and mysterious strains, which held the +assembly spell-bound and in tears. In a few days a letter reached +him, announcing that his sister had died at that very hour. On +receiving the tidings, he uttered a shriek, and the shock was so +great as to burst a blood-vessel in his brain. Life had no charm +potent enough to stanch and heal the cruel laceration left in his +already failing frame by this sundering blow. The web of torn fibrils +bled invisibly. He soon faded away, and followed his sister to a +world of finer melody, fitted for natures like theirs. + +One of the noblest and wisest of the American poets the pure, brave, +and devout Whittier had a sister who was to him very much what +Dorothy was to Wordsworth. Several of her poems are printed with his. +They always lived together; they studied together, rambled together, +had a large share of their whole consciousness together. After her +death, sitting alone in his wintry cottage, he said to a friend who +was visiting him, that, since she was gone, to whose faithful taste +and judgment he had been wont to submit all he wrote, he could hardly +tell of a new production whether it were good or poor. He also said +that the sad measure of his love for her was the vacancy which her +departure had left. He has paid her, in his "Snow-Bound," this +tribute, which will draw readers as long as loving hearts are left in +his land: + +As one who held herself a part +Of all she saw, and let her heart +Gainst the household bosom lean, +Upon the motley-braided mat +Our youngest and our dearest sat, +Lifting her large, sweet, asking eyes, +Now bathed within the fadeless green +And holy peace of Paradise. +Oh! looking from some heavenly hill, +Or from the shade of saintly palms, +Or silver reach of river calms, +Do those large eyes behold me still? +With me one little year ago: The chill +weight of the winter snow +For months upon her grave has lain; +And now, when summer south-winds blow +And brier and harebell bloom again, +I tread the pleasant paths we trod, +I see the violet-sprinkled sod +Whereon she leaned, too frail and weak +The hillside flowers she loved to seek, +Yet following me where'er I went, +With dark eyes full of love's content. +The birds are glad; the brier-rose fills +The air with sweetness; all the hills +Stretch green to June's unclouded sky; +But still I wait with ear and eye +For something gone which should be nigh, +A loss in all familiar things, +In flower that blooms, and bird that sings. +And yet, dear heart! remembering thee, +Am I not richer than of old? +Safe in thy immortality, +What change can reach the wealth I hold? +What chance can mar the pearl and gold +Thy love hath left in trust with me? +And while in life's late afternoon, +Where cool and long the shadows grow, +I walk to meet the night that soon +Shall shape and shadow overflow, +I cannot feel that thou art far, +Since near at need the angels are; +And when the sunset gates unbar, +Shall I not see thee waiting stand, +And, white against the evening star, +The welcome of thy beckoning hand? + +One more instance of intense friendship between a brother and a +sister and it is one of the most interesting that history reveals to +us shall close this list. Maurice de Guerin was born in Languedoc, in +France, in the year 1811; and there also, in 1839, he died. Although +snatched away at twenty-eight, his fascinating personality and genius +left an indelible impression on all appreciative persons who had come +in contact with him. His writings, few and unelaborate as they are, +have won admiring praise from the judges whose verdict is fame. His +sister Eugenie, six years older than himself, took the place of +mother as well as that of sister to the orphan boy. He was not more +extraordinary for winsomeness and talent than she was for combined +power of intelligence, tenacity of affection, and religiousness of +principle. They became ardent friends, in the most emphatic meaning +of the term. Maurice went to Paris to try his fortune as a writer. +Eugenie's yearning and anxious heart followed him in rapid letters. +She tells him how they whom he has left all love him, encourages him +with virtue and piety, adjures him to be true to his best self. She +says to him, with the irresistible eloquence of the heart, "We see +things with the same eyes: what you find beautiful, I find beautiful. +God has made our souls of one piece." Maurice's replies were shorter +and rarer. It is evident, the reader feels it with a pang of regret, +that Eugenie was much less to Maurice than he was to her; and yet he +loved her well. But man's love is usually poor compared with woman's; +and he was in the throngs of Paris, she in the solitude of a country +home. He fell away from his original purity and constancy, lost his +religious faith for a season, and seemed almost to forget those who +idolized him with such deep fondness. Was he not one of the charmers, +who are so much to others, but to whom others are in return +comparatively so little? + +Falling ill, he revisited home, and by the stainless affections, +unwearied attentions, and devout routine there, was restored in soul +as well as in body. When, not long afterwards, he had fallen in love +with a West-Indian lady, a beautiful Creole, Eugenie went to him in +Paris, and devoted herself sedulously to promote the marriage. It was +brought about, and she spent a happy six months with the wedded pair. +After her return to Languedoc, we find her writing in her journal, +"My Maurice, must it be our lot to live apart? to find that this +marriage, which I hoped would keep us so much together, leaves us +more asunder than ever? I have the misfortune to be fonder of you +than of any thing else in the world, and my heart had from of old +built in you its happiness. Youth gone, and life declining, I looked +forward to quitting the scene with Maurice. At any time of life, a +great affection is a great happiness: the spirit comes to take refuge +in it entirely. Oh, delight and joy, which will never be your +sister's portion! Only in the direction of God shall I find an issue +for my heart to love, as it has the notion of loving, and as it has +the power of loving." + +Two months after these pathetic words were written, Maurice died, of +a rapid consumption, in his father's house, ministered to by his wife +and sisters with infinite tenderness and agonizing despair. In the +last moment, his sister says, "He glued his lips to a cross that his +wife held out to him, then sank: we all fell to kissing him, and he +to dying." The shock came upon Eugenie with crushing severity. Ever +after, she was haunted by the memory of "his beloved, pale face," +"his beautiful head." Long afterwards, she wrote, "The whole of to-day +I see pass and repass before me that dear, pale face: that +beautiful head assumes all its various aspects in my memory, smiling, +eloquent, suffering, dying." "Poor, beloved soul," she says, "you +have had hardly any happiness here below: your life has been so +short, your repose so rare, O God! uphold me. How we have gazed at +him and loved him and kissed him, his wife and we, his sisters; he +lying lifeless in his bed, his head on the pillow as if he were +asleep! My beloved one, can it be, shall we never see each other +again on earth?" + +Five years previous to her brother's death, Eugenie had begun a +journal, which she forwarded to him from time to time. After the +funeral, she tried to continue this, addressing it still to him: "To +Maurice dead, to Maurice in heaven. He was the pride and joy of my +heart. Oh, how sweet a name, and how full of tenderness, is that of +brother!" She persevered for five months, when it became too painful, +and she abandoned it. From this time till death overtook her, in the +year 1848, she seemed to have but one purpose; namely, to secure +Maurice's fame by the publication of his literary remains. Poverty +and various other obstacles baffled all her efforts. But, in 1858, M. +Trebutien, a loving and faithful friend, edited and published, in a +single volume, the "Journal and Letters of Maurice de Guerin;" and, +five years later, he published, in a companion volume, the "Journal +and Letters of Eugenie de Guerin." The striking original genius and +worth of these volumes, and the enviable praise already awarded them, +insure for their authors a beautiful and enduring fame together. As +long as the words of this devoted sister shall win the attention of +gentle readers, tears will spring into their eyes, and a throb of +pitying love fill their hearts with pleasing pain. "My soul slips +easily into thee, O soul of my brother!" "We were two eyes looking +out of one forehead." "My thought was only a reflex of my brother's; +so vivid when he was there, then changing into twilight, and now +gone." "O beautiful past days of my youth, with Maurice, the king of +my heart!" "I am on the horizon of death: he is below it. All that I +can do is to strain my gaze into it." + +FRIENDSHIPS OF WIVES AND HUSBANDS. + +THE friendships between persons of opposite sex, thus far considered, +spring up under the primary impulse of consanguinity, and embroider +themselves around the fostering relations of natural duty. Based on +affiliation of descent, organic community of circumstances, and +mixture of experience, and sanctioned by the most authoritative seals +of social opinion, they are, when not impoverished or poisoned by any +evil interference, warm, precious, and sacred. The strongest +preventives of their frequency and the commonest drawbacks from their +power are the dullness which creeps over all emotions under the +dominion of passive habit, and the tendency to look elsewhere for +more vivid attachments, more exciting associations. + +But there is another class of friendships, more important in +influence, if not in number, having also the highest sanctions both +of law and of custom, and marked by such peculiarities that they +constitute a species by themselves. It consists of the friendships +which grow up between husbands and wives, within the shielded +enclosure of matrimony. The community of interests between those +united in wedlock if they are married in truth as well as in form is +the most intimate and entire that can exist. + +Their unqualified surrender and blending of lives, unreserved +confidence and conjunction of hearts, afford, on the one hand, the +most hazardous, on the other hand, the most propitious, conditions +for a perfect mutual reflection of souls with all their contents. +Nowhere else has knowledge such free scope, have the inducements for +esteem or contempt such unhampered range, as in this relation. The +inmost secrets of the parties are always exposed to revelation or to +betrayal. Hypocrisy and deception are reduced to the narrowest +limits. Accordingly, both the most absolute antagonism and misery, +and the most absolute sympathy and happiness, are known in the +conjugal union. Milton puts in the mouth of Samson a fearful +expression of the former: + +To wear out miserable days, Intangled with a poisonous bosom snake. + +Of the latter we have an affecting instance in the historic narrative +of that Italian Countess del Verme, who, losing her husband after an +elysian union for eight years, was so shocked on learning his death, +that she threw herself on his body in a convulsion of grief which +broke her heart, and she instantly died beside him. + +Are the parties selfish, unfeeling, ungenuine? Every possible +opportunity is afforded for the base and alien qualities to recognize +each other, and clash or effervesce. Is one wise, aspiring, +magnanimous? the other, foolish, vulgar, revengeful? The yoke, pulled +contrary ways, must gall and irritate. Then the fellowship of husband +and wife is like that of acid and alkali. But, if they are filled +with consecrating tenderness, sweet patience, and earnest purposes, +all possible motives urge them to adjust their characters and conduct +to each other; to tune their intercourse by heavenly laws; to mingle +their experience in one blessed current; to soothe, support, and +beautify each other's being. Then there results a union, including +every faculty, satisfying every want, unparalleled for its integrity +and its blessedness. In such cases as this, it may truly be said, +marriage is the queen of all friendships. + +A beautiful example of such a union is unveiled, in the tribute paid +to his wife, by Sir James Mackintosh. He says, "I found an +intelligent companion and a tender friend, a prudent monitress, the +most faithful of wives, and a mother as tender as children ever had +the misfortune to lose. I met a woman, who, by tender management of +my weaknesses, gradually corrected the most pertinacious of them. She +became prudent from affection; and, though of the most generous +nature, she was taught frugality and economy by her love for me. She +gently reclaimed me from dissipation, propped my weak and irresolute +nature, urged my indolence to all the exertion that has been useful +and creditable to me, and was perpetually at hand to admonish my +heedlessness or improvidence. In her solicitude for my interest, she +never for a moment forgot my feelings or character. Even in her +occasional resentment, for which I but too often gave her cause, +(would to God I could recall those moments!) she had no sullenness or +acrimony. Such was she whom I have lost, when her excellent natural +sense was rapidly improving, after eight years' struggle and distress +had bound us fast together and moulded our tempers to each other; +when a knowledge of her worth had refined my youthful love into +friendship, and before age had deprived it of much of its original +ardor." + +It is to be presumed that those who enter into a relation with each +other on which so much of their destiny is staked, take the step +under the influence of love. And by love the love which looks to a +conjugal union is to be understood a general movement of personal +sympathy, imparting a special richness and intensity to the +imagination in its action toward the individuals concerned, and thus +giving each of them a genial and generous idea of the other to govern +their mutual references; the whole operation being animated and +emphasized, more or less prominently, by the impulse of sex. The idea +of each other with which the wedded pair begin their union, an idea +ennobled and vivified by imagination, and serving as the basis and +stimulus of their love, may be largely made up of illusions, or may +be sound, though inadequate. In the former case, one of three results +will follow, either, as the poetic illusions are dispelled, and the +fancied charms of the soul are replaced by barren poverty or haggard +ugliness, the ardor of affection will be reversed by disappointment +and friction into antipathy, engendering a chronic state, sometimes +of fierce hatred, sometimes of sullen dislike; or that affection, +robbed of its moral supports, admiration, gratitude, faith, and +desire, will subside into a condition of spiritual tedium, unnoticing +routine; or else, the imaginative element dying out, while the sexual +element retains or perhaps even exaggerates its force, love will +degenerate into lust. These three results depict the real union +subsisting between three classes of husbands and wives, when the +hymeneal glow has passed, and fixed realities assert their sway. The +first is a hideous association of enemies, a yoked animosity; the +second, a lukewarm connection of colleagues, an external partnership; +the third, a convenient alliance of pleasure seekers, an animal +cohabitation. + +But that imaginative stir which lends such ardor and elevation to the +honeymoon period is not always a fermentation of happy error. It is +many times a fruition of beauty and good, resting on a perception of +realities, growing greater, lovelier, more efficacious, with the +growing powers and opportunities for appreciation. In these cases, +where the divine bias which causes the newly wedded twain to put a +beautiful interpretation on all the signs of each other's being +depends not on illusion, but originates in truth, and where no fatal +alloy or shock interferes to destroy it, the blessed affection in +which they live together, instead of souring into aversion, +stagnating into indifference, or sinking to a baser level than it +began on, will naturally triumph over other changes, and grow more +comprehensive and noble, as enlarged experiences disclose vaster +grounds for justifying it, and furnish finer stimulants to feed it. +In such instances, the beautifying tinges of romance, that streak and +flush the horizon, neither fade into the grayness of fact, nor die +into the darkness of neglect, but now broaden and deepen into the +blue of meridian assurance, now clarify and ascend into the starlight +of faith and mystery. The conditions that originally inspired the +confiding and admiring sympathy become, with the lapse of time and +the progress of acquaintance, more pronounced and more adequate, and +insure a union ever fonder and more blunt. A husband and wife so +united generally remain a pair of lovers, but sometimes become a pair +of friends. Which of these two names is most descriptive of the union +depends on the relative space held in it by the element of sense and +sex. With some this ingredient is so important, that it infuses its +quality into their very thoughts, and gives the distinctive character +of love to their whole relation. With others this feature in the +marriage fellowship becomes relatively less as the heyday of youth +subsides, and the moral and mental bonds become more various and +extensive. The physical tie, however vital, is insignificant in +comparison with the entire web of their conscious ties. Love is +included in their whole relation, as a rivulet threading a lake. This +subordination of the stream to the lake is surest to take place with +those in whom pure mind most predominates, whose spirit is least +roiled by the perturbation of the senses. With such it is almost a +necessity, when hate or indifference does not intervene, that love +should refine into friendship. As the ferment of passion ceases, the +lees settle, and a transparent sympathy appears, reflecting all +heavenly and eternal things. + +As an example of the transmutation of passion into sentiment, of +impulse into principle, of feverish flame into calm fire, we may +instance the Greek Pericles and Aspasia, who were friends even more +than lovers, their intellectual companionship and common pursuit of +culture being one of the precious traditions of humanity. Grote, +whose learning, ability, and fairness give weight to his opinion, +affirms his belief that the vile charges brought against Aspasia were +the offspring of lying gossip and scandal. The estimate of her +talents and accomplishments was so high that the authorship of the +greatest speech ever delivered by Pericles was attributed to her. She +is also particularly interesting to us as the first woman who kept an +open parlor for the visits of chosen friends and the culture of +conversation, as the earliest queen of the drawing room. Her house +was the centre of the highest literary and philosophical society of +Athens. Socrates himself was a constant visitor there. There too, as +Plutarch asserts, many of the most distinguished Athenian matrons +were wont to go with their husbands for the pleasure and profit of +her conversation. + +In Roman history we may point to Brutus and his heroic Portia, who +was fully capable of entering into all his counsels, dangers, and +hopes, and, when he fell, of dying as became the daughter of Cato. +The characters of the noble and Arria were likewise in perfect +accord, in their high strains of wisdom, valor, and virtue; and when +the brutal emperor, Claudius, commanded the death of her husband, the +wife, stabbing herself, handed him the dagger, with the immortal +words, "Brutus, it does not hurt." + +Seneca and his Paulina were bound together by community of tastes and +acquirements, and unbroken happiness. He asks, "What can be sweeter +than to be so dear to your wife that it makes you dearer to +yourself?" When the tyrant ordered the philosopher to commit suicide, +his wife insisted on opening her veins, and dying with him. After +long resistance, he consented, saying, "I will not deprive you of the +honor of so noble an example." But Nero would not allow her to die +thus, and had her veins bound up; not, however, until she had lost so +much blood that her blanched face, for the rest of her days, gave +rise to the well known rhetorical comparison, "as pale as Seneca's +Paulina." + +Calpurnia, likewise, the wife of the younger Pliny, was identified +with her husband in all his studies, ambitions, triumphs. She +fashioned herself after his pattern, knew his works by heart, sang +his verses, listened behind a screen to his public speeches, drinking +in the applauses lavished on him. We may justly infer from the whale +character of the "Letter of Consolation," which he wrote to her, on +occasion of the death of their beloved daughter, Timoxena, that a +relation similar to the one just mentioned subsisted between Plutarch +and his wife. + +By friendship in marriage is meant companionship of inner lives, +community of aims and efforts, the lofty concord of aspiring minds. +These are comparatively few, as made known to us in classic +antiquity, owing to the jealous separation of the sexes in social +life, that strict subjection of woman to man, which was +characteristic of the ancient world. If we were thinking of wedded +love instead of wedded friendship, it would be easy to cull a host of +affecting and imposing instances: such as, the Hebrew Rebekah and +Rachel; the Greek Alcestis; the Hindu Savitri; the Persian Pantheia; +and a glorious crowd of Roman matrons, like Lucretia, who have left a +renown as grand and deathless as the memory of Rome itself. + +The modern examples of fortunate friendship in marriage are more +numerous than the ancient ones. Two delightful instances, +particularly worthy of study, have been so fully described by Mrs. +Jameson as to make superfluous any thing more than a slight allusion +here. The first of these pairs is the early English poet, William +Habington, and his Castara. Habington collected and published, in two +rich parts, the poems he wrote to Castara before and after his +marriage, and added a preface full of choice thought and heartfelt +emotion. By her husband's pen, + +Castara's name +Is writ as fair in the register of fame +As the ancient beauties, which translated are, +By poets, up to heaven, each there a star. + +The illustrious Roman lawyer, Giambattista Zappi, and Faustina +Maratti were the other pair alluded to, whose wedded love was crowned +with a superior friendship. Zappi is celebrated for his sublime +sonnet on the Moses of Michael Angelo. But the most of his verses +were inspired by his wife, and dedicated to her. Her verses were +almost exclusively inspired by her husband, and dedicated to him. +Their works are published together in one volume. + +Roland, the famous Girondist minister, a man of marked abilities and +incorruptible integrity, married the gifted and high souled Jeanne +Philippon a short time before the outbreak of the French Revolution. +He was twenty two years her senior. Her love for him, founded on his +philosophic spirit and antique virtues, was so ardent and so faithful +that she has often been called "the Heloise of the eighteenth +century." Their principles, their souls, their hopes, their toils and +sufferings, were alike and inseparable. They hailed the early efforts +of the Revolutionists as the dawn of a golden age for mankind. Madame +Roland shared in the studies of her husband, aided him in his +compositions, and served as his sole secretary during his two +ministries. No intrigue of his party was unknown to her, or +uninfluenced by her genius. Yet no falsehood or trickery debased, no +meanness sullied her. "She was the angel of the cause she espoused, +the soul of honor, and the conscience of all who embraced it." When +Robespierre overthrew the Girondists, Roland, with others of his +party, saved his life by a flight to Rouen. His wife was soon +sentenced to death by the infamous Fouquier Tinville. She rode to the +guillotine clad in white, her glossy black hair hanging down to her +girdle, and embraced her fate with divine courage and dignity. +Hearing the direful news, Roland walked a few miles out of Rouen, and +deliberately killed himself with his cane sword. His body was found +by the roadside, with a paper containing his last words: "Whoever +thou art that findest these remains, respect them as those of a man +who consecrated his life to usefullness, and who dies, as he has +lived, honest and virtuous. Hearing of the death of my wife, I would +not remain another day on this earth so stained with crimes." + +All appreciative readers of the works and the life of Herder +gratefully associate his Caroline with their recollections of him. +Under the stress of his many sore trials, this great, vexed, +struggling, sorrowing man would have succumbed to his afflictions, +and entered the grave much earlier than he did, if it had not been +for the solace and strength his wife gave him at home; and not a +little of his present celebrity is due to the devoted energy of pride +and affection with which she labored to have justice done to his +writings and his memory. + +A spotless and exalted pair of friends look out of English history at +us, in the faces of John and Lucy Hutchinson. He was governor of +Nottingham, and one of the judges of Charles I. In her widowhood, +Lady Hutchinson drew that wonderful portrait of her husband which has +been styled the most perfect piece of biography ever penned by a +woman. + +John Austin, under crushing burdens and amidst freezing neglect, +wrought out the profoundest exposition of jurisprudence which exists +in the English language. His wife, Sarah Austin, distinguished for +her early importation and unveiling of German literature to the +English mind, was every thing to him that a tender, wise, and strong +friend could be. In the prefaces to her publications of his +posthumous works, the discerning reader may trace, through the modest +concealment, something of one of the purest, deepest, most steadfast +of those friendships which adorn while they enrich the annals of +human nature. + +One shrinks from the indelicacy of alluding to persons still living, +and yet can hardly help suggesting what a friendship there must have +been in the union of such scholars, thinkers, poets, aspirants, as +Robert and Elizabeth Barrett Browning. But space would fail for a +list of the royal friendships of this class revealed in literary +records. And, for every example published, there must obviously be a +multitude, quite as sweet and grand, which are hidden in purely +private life. + +Leopold Schefer, the serene and lofty author of the "Layman's +Breviary," that charming work just published in our country in the +fine translation of Charles T. Brooks, lost his wife in the twenty +fifth year of their marriage. What a friend he had in her appears +from the simple words, surcharged with feeling, in which he speaks of +her. He writes, "Only a single unconquerable sorrow has smitten me in +all my life, the death of the still soul with whom life, for the +first time, was to me a life. Nor have I had any other troubles. +People who make trouble for themselves, and in an unappeased spirit +find an everlasting misery, may properly call me still a fortunate +man. But, though outwardly as much grass should grow over her grave +as ever can grow in long desolated days and nights, inwardly no grass +grows over a real life annihilating grief. One gets re adjusted with +the world; but, after all, he goes at last with an open wound into +the grave. Believe me in this." + +An example yet more recent has obtained such a monumental +recognition, that mention of it is not here to be avoided. John +Stuart Mill dedicates his imperishable "Essay on Liberty" to his +deceased wife in these terms: + +"To the beloved and deplored memory of her who was the inspirer, and +in part the author, of all that is best in my writings, the friend +and wife whose exalted sense of truth and right was my strongest +incitement, and whose approbation was my chief reward, I dedicate +this volume. Like all that I have written for many years, it belongs +as much to her as to me; but the work, as it stands, has had, in a +very insufficient degree, the inestimable advantage of her revision; +some of the most important portions having been reserved for a more +careful re examination, which they are now never destined to receive. +Were I but capable of interpreting to the world one half the great +thoughts and noble feelings which are buried in her grave, I should +be the medium of a greater benefit to it than is ever likely to arise +from any thing that I can write unprompted and unassisted by her all +but unrivalled wisdom." + +The conditions favoring the formation of a consummate friendship +between husband and wife meet in fortunate combination in two classes +of instances. + +In the first, the sovereignty is the bond of a common nobleness; in +the second, the bond of a common ambition. The united worship of +truth, beauty, goodness, make, it is to be hoped, the most absolute +friends of unnumbered wedded pairs. One adoring pursuit of +excellence, one devout trust in God, one happy aiming at perfection, +draws their noblest activities into unison, free from the impediments +of selfishness and suspicion. Under the over arching sanctions of +Divinity, knowing each other to be worthy and true, they confide in +each other with the sympathy of a total esteem, based on a common +devotion to the supreme prizes of the universe, whose reflected +lustre already transfigures their spirits and sanctifies their +persons in each other's eyes. + +Many a husband and wife are also made friends, above all their mere +love, by sharing in some earnest and condign social ambition. How +many a man of genius has been chiefly indebted for his achievements +to the wife who has sedulously identified herself with his success, +ever at his side, unseen perhaps by the world, studying his art, +lightening his tasks, soothing his pride, healing his hurts, +stimulating his confidence, baffling his enemies, gaining him patrons +or allies, assuaging his falls, refreshing his energy for new trials, +and, when he has triumphed, and is applauded on his eminence, +silently drinking in, as her reward, the popular admiration bestowed +on him. + +This intense co operation and struggle towards an outer goal, when +unneutralized, produces that wondrous identification which is the +type of complete friendship. A crowd of the most brilliant artists, +authors, statesmen, might each point to his wife, and say, "To that +bosom friend, to that guardian angel, to her quick intelligence, +unfailing consolation, steady stimulus, I principally owe, under +Heaven, what I am and what I have done." Many beautiful delineations +of this fact have been given in fiction. The picture of Lord and Lady +Davenant, in Miss Edgeworth's "Helen," is worthy of particular +mention as a picture drawn to the life. + +Nothing in fiction, however, is finer or more commanding, as an +example of the true relation of the sexes, than is afforded in real +life by the biography of Lord William and Lady Russell. Every such +historic instance has a benign lesson for our time, in which, it is +to be feared, many bad influences are working with fatal effect, +temporarily at least, to lessen the attractions and undermine the +sanctity of marriage, Guizot ends his beautiful and noble essay on +the married life of Lord and Lady Russell with this impressive +paragraph: + +"I have felt profound pleasure in relating the history of this lady, +so pure in her passion, always great and always humble in her +greatness, devoted with equal ardor to her feelings and her duties in +grief and joy, in triumph and adversity. Our times are attacked with +a deplorable malady: men believe only in the passion which is +attended with moral derangement. All ardent, exalted, and soul +mastering sentiments appear to them impossible within the bounds of +moral laws and social conventions. All order seems to them a +paralyzing yoke, all submission a debasing servitude: no flame is any +thing, if it is not a devouring conflagration. This disease is the +graver because it is not the crisis of a fever nor the explosion of +an exuberant force. It springs from perverse doctrines, from the +rejection of law and faith, from the idolatry of man. And with this +disease there is joined another no less lamentable: man not only +adores nothing but himself, but even himself he adores only in the +multitude where all men are confounded. He hates and envies every +thing that rises above the vulgar level: all superiority, all +individual grandeur, seems to him an iniquity, an injury towards that +chaos of undistinguished and ephemeral beings whom he calls humanity. +When we have been assailed by these base doctrines, and the shameful +passions which give birth to or are born from them; when we have felt +the hatefullness of them, and measured the peril, it is a lively +delight to meet with one of those noble examples which are their +splendid confutation. In proportion as I respect humanity in its +totality, I admire and love those glorified images of humanity which +personify and set on high, under visible features and with a proper +name, whatever it has of most noble and most pure. Lady Russell gives +the soul this beautiful and virtuous joy." + +It is fitting, in the next place, to say something of the +disappointment and wretchedness which so many married men and women +notoriously experience in their relations with each other. It may be +useful to state the principal causes of this unhappiness, and to give +some definite directions in the way of remedy. Absence of love, +absence of reason, absence of justice, absence of taste, in other +words, harshness and neglect, silliness and frivolity, vice and +crime, vulgarity and slovenliness, are the leading and inevitable +creators of alienation, dislike, and misery in marriage. Whatever +tends to increase these tends to multiply separations and divorces +between those who cannot endure each other; and to multiply +irritations, quarrels, sorrows, and agonies between those who may +endure, but cannot enjoy, each other. In marriage, the intimacy is so +great and constant that the slightest friction easily becomes +galling. Nowhere beside is there such need of magnanimous forbearance +in one, or else of equality of worth and refinement in both. "Love +does not secure happiness in marriage, often the contrary: reason is +necessary." So said the wise Jean Paul. He also said, "The best man +joined with the worst woman has a greater hell than the best woman +joined with the worst man." This is, no doubt, true as a general +rule, because woman is so much more capable than man of self +abnegation, silent patience, meek submission, and flexible adjustment +to inevitable circumstances. Probably the women who keenly and +chronically suffer from unhappy marriages are far more numerous than +the kindred sufferers of the other sex. This is because they are more +deeply susceptible to cruelty and indifference and to all the +repulsive traits of character; are less capable of ignoring such +things; have less of absorbing occupation of their own to take up +their attention, and are less able to be absorbed in things beyond +the personal and domestic sphere. There are unquestionably thousands +of married women whose experience is made a living martyrdom by the +infidelity, the tyranny, the coarseness, the general odiousness and +wearisomeness of their husbands. In most cases, even where a divorce +is wished, the shocking public scandal and disgrace are too much; and +they wear on to the end. What misery delicate and conscientious +women, of dedicated souls and polished manners, who love every thing +that is pure and beautiful, are compelled to undergo in their bondage +to husbands, ignorant, uninteresting, ignoble, relentlessly +domineering, is not to be expressed. Their best weapons in such +cases, if they knew it, are gentleness, patience, persuasion, and the +skilful use of every means to improve and uplift their unequal +companions to their own level. The Persian poet expressed a rich +truth when he wrote, "Gentleness is the sail on the table of morals." +It is a tragedy that the good wife of a bad husband is so identified +with him, that the penalties of his offences fall on her head, often +more terribly than on his. A pure woman loving a wicked man must +expect to have her affections ravaged by his sins: does not the +lightning drawn by the rod blast the innocent ivy entwining it? What +lacerating woes the gambler, the drunkard, the forger, the adulterer, +inflicts on his wife! + +And yet, profound as is the misfortune, sharp as is the suffering of +such, it may be doubted whether a noble, sensitive, cultivated man, +with a yearning heart of softness and peace, a capacious mind full of +grand aspirations, married, by some fatal chance, to a woman with a +petty soul, a teasing and tyrannical temper, a mendacious and rasping +tongue, whose taste is for small gossip and scandal, whose ambition +is for fashionable show and noise, whose life is one incessant fret +and sting, it may be doubted if this man's lot is not severer with +his ill matched consort than hers would be with the worst husband in +the world. He had better marry a vinegar cruet than such a Tartar. +When weary and seeking to rest, to be roused up by a scolding; when +searching for truth, or contemplating beauty, or communing with God, +or aspiring to perfection, or scheming some vast good for mankind, to +be aggravated by abuse, insulted by false charges, dragged down to +petty interests which he despises, and mixed up with wrongs and +passions which he loathes, these degrading injuries, these wasteful +vexations, are what he must endure. No wonder if he vehemently +resents a treatment so incongruous with his worth. No wonder if, +vexed, hurt, goaded half to madness, he gets enraged, and unseemly +contentions ensue, followed by painful depression and remorseful +grief. No wonder if he finds it hard indeed to forget or to forgive +the infliction of an evil so incomparably profound and frightful. +There is, to a high smiled man, no wrong more hurtful or more +difficult to pardon than to have mean motives falsely ascribed to +him, to be placed by misinterpretation on a lower plane than that +where he belongs. Every such experience stabs the moral source of +life, and draws blood from the soul itself. Husband and wife +powerfully tend to a common level and likeness. The higher must +redeem and lift the unequal mate, or live in strife and misery. If +the lower takes pattern after the superior one, the petty, frivolous, +false, and fretful becoming magnanimous, dedicated, truthful, and +serene, it is a divine triumph of grace, and the result will be full +of blessedness. But otherwise a wearing unhappiness is inevitable, +however carefully it be hidden, however bravely it be borne. George +Sand says very strikingly of Rousseau and Therese Levasseur, "His +true fault was in persevering in his attachment for that vulgar +woman, who turned to her own profit the weaknesses of his ill starred +character and his self torturing imagination. One does not with +impunity live in company with a little soul. When one is a Jean +Jacques Rousseau, one does not acquire the faults of littleness, does +not lose his native grandeur; but he feels his genius troubled, +combated, worried, distempered, and he makes a pure loss of immense +efforts to surmount miseries unworthy of him." + +Let a husband be the true and pure guardian of his family, laboring +always to adorn himself with the godlike gems of wisdom, virtue, and +honor; let him bear himself in relation to his wife with gracious +kindness towards her faults, with grateful recognition of her merits, +with steady sympathy for her trials, with hearty aid for her better +aspirations, and she must be of a vile stock, if she does not revere +him, and minister unto him with all the graces and sweetness of her +nature. + +Let a wife, in her whole intercourse with her husband, try the +efficacy of gentleness, purity, sincerity, scrupulous truth, meek and +patient forbearance, an invariable tone and manner of deference, and, +if he is not a brute, he cannot help respecting her and treating her +kindly; and in nearly all instances he will end by loving her and +living happily with her. + +But if he is vulgar and vicious, despotic, reckless, so as to have no +devotion for the august prizes and incorruptible pleasures of +existence; if she is an unappeasable termagant, or a petty worrier, +so taken up with trifling annoyances, that, wherever she looks, "the +blue rotunda of the universe shrinks into a housewifery room;" if the +presence of each acts as a morbid irritant on the nerves of the +other, to the destruction of comfort, and the lowering of self +respect, and the draining away of peace and strength, their +companionship must infallibly be a companionship in wretchedness and +loss. + +The banes of domestic life are littleness, falsity, vulgarity, +harshness, scolding vociferation, an incessant issuing of superfluous +prohibitions and orders, which are regarded as impertinent +interferences with the general liberty and repose, and are +provocative of rankling or exploding resentments. The blessed +antidotes that sweeten and enrich domestic life are refinement, high +aims, great interests, soft voices, quiet and gentle manners, +magnanimous tempers, forbearance from all unnecessary commands or +dictation, and generous allowances of mutual freedom. Love makes +obedience lighter than liberty. Man wears a noble allegiance, not as +a collar, but as a garland. The Graces are never so lovely as when +seen waiting on the Virtues; and, where they thus dwell together, +they make a heavenly home. + +No affection, save friendship, has any sure eternity in it. +Friendship ought, therefore, always to be cultivated in love itself, +as its only certain guard and preservative, not less than as the only +sufficing substitute in its absence. A couple joined by love without +friendship, walk on gunpowder with torches in their hands. Shall I +venture to depict the sad decay which love naturally suffers, and the +redemptive transformation which it sometimes undergoes? I will do it +by translating a truthful and eloquent passage from Chateaubriand: + +"At first our letters are long, vivid, frequent. The day is not +capacious enough for them. We write at sunset; at moonrise we trace a +few more lines, charging its chaste and silent light to hide our +thousand desires. We watch for the first peep of dawn, to write what +we believe we had forgotten to say in the delicious hours of our +meeting. A thousand vows cover the paper, where all the roses of +aurora are reflected; a thousand kisses are planted on the words, +which seem born from the first glance of the sun. Not an idea, an +image, a reverie, an accident, a disquietude, which has not its +letter. Lo! one morning, something almost imperceptible steals on the +beauty of this passion, like the first wrinkle on the front of an +adored woman. The breath and perfume of love expire in these pages of +youth, as an evening breeze dies upon the flowers. We feel it, but +are unwilling to confess it. Our letters become shorter and fewer, +are filled with news, with descriptions, with foreign matters; and, +if any thing happens to delay them, we are less disturbed. On the +subject of loving and being loved, we have grown reasonable. We +submit to absence without complaint. Our former vows prolong +themselves: here are still the same words; but they are dead. Soul is +wanting in them. I love you is merely an expression of habit, a +necessary form, the I have the honor to be of the love letter. Little +by little the style freezes where it inflamed. The post day, no +longer eagerly anticipated, is rather dreaded; writing has become a +fatigue. We blush to think of the madnesses we have trusted to paper, +and wish we could recall our letters and burn them. What has +happened? Is it a new attachment which begins where an old one ends? +No: it is love dying in advance of the object loved. We are forced to +own that the sentiments of man are subjected to the effects of a +hidden process: the fever of time, which produces lassitude, also +dissipates illusion, undermines our passions, withers our loves, and +changes our hearts even as it changes our locks and our years. There +is but one exception to this human infirmity. There sometimes occurs +in a strong soul a love firm enough to transform itself into +impassioned friendship, so as to become a duty, and appropriate the +qualities of virtue. Then, neutralizing the weakness of nature, it +acquires the immortality of a principle." + +Before leaving this part of the theme, it may not be out of place to +express the belief, a belief founded on no hurried inference from a +narrow survey of history, or from a superficial study of the data in +the breast, that the greatest number of examples of the most +impassioned, absorbing, and lasting affection between the sexes have +occurred within the ties of marriage, and not outside of those ties. +More than other kindred relations, these rest on the nourishing basis +of public law and social honor, as well as of personal esteem and +avowed identification of interests. Whatever necessitates secrecy, or +compromises the fullness and frankness of self respect, even if it +give piquancy and fire, takes away moral health, steady integrity; +and inserts an insidious element, either of devouring fever or of +slow decay. Other things being equal, affection, wedded under every +legal and moral sanction, reaches the highest climax and is the most +complete and enduring. Every failure implies some defect in the +conditions. The readiness, in general, of illicit love to admit a +substitute, its facility of consolation and forgetfullness when any +fatal calamity has removed its object, demonstrates both its lower +origin and its baser nature. In a well consorted marriage, the soul, +the mind, esteem and faith, the pure strain of friendship, enter more +largely. The grave is not the boundary of its functions. After death, +the love is cherished in the ideal fife of the mind as vividly as +ever, and with an added sanctity. Widowed memory clings to the +disconsolate happiness of sitting by the fountain of oblivion, and +drawing up the sunken treasure. If, as Statius said, to love the +living be a pleasant indulgence, to love the dead is a religious +duty: + +Vivam amare, voluptas; defunctam, religio. + +A multitude of nameless husbands and wives have experienced this +truth in their bereavement; their love not decaying, but passing into +resurrection. The Hindus have a fine parable of Kamadeva, the eastern +Cupid. He shot Siva, who, turning on him in rage, reduced the +mischievous archer to ashes. All the gods wept over his ashes. Then +he arose in spiritual form, free from every physical trait or +quality. Literature, both eastern and western, ancient and modern, +gives us many instances of conjugal love outliving death, and, in +holy tenderness of dedication, pleasing itself with all kinds of +ideal restorations and celebrations of its object. + +When Mausolus, king of Curia, died, his widow, Queen Artemisia, +seemed thenceforth almost wholly absorbed in the memory of him. She +built to him, at Halicarnassus, that magnificent monument, or +mausoleum, which was known as one of the seven wonders of the world, +and which became the generic name for all superb sepulchres. She +employed the most renowned rhetors of the age to immortalize the +glory of her husband, by writing and reciting his praises. At the +consecration of the wondrous fabric which she had reared in his +honor, she offered a prize for the most eloquent eulogy on Mausolus. +All the orators of Greece were invited to the contest. Theopompus +bore off the prize. It is said, that, during the two years by which +she survived her royal spouse, she daily mixed some of his ashes with +her drink, so that, ere their spirits met in Hades, her body was the +tomb of his. Unquestionably there is something greatly overstrained +in this; but the whole story is one of the most signal instances, +handed down from the past, of an intense wedded affection triumphant +over death, and crowning itself with death. + +Still more costly honors than Artemisia lavished on her Mausolus, did +the Great Mogul, Shah Jehan, grandson of Akhar and father of +Aurungzebe, pay to his idolized wife, Moomtaza Mahul. She died, in +1631, in giving birth to a daughter. Shah Jehan's love for this +exquisite being appears to have been supreme and irreplaceable. In +her last moments, she made two requests: one, that he would build an +imposing tomb for her; the other, that he would never marry again. He +assented to both requests, and kept his word. His reign was the +culminating period of the prosperity, power, and pomp of the empire. +The gorgeousness of his state beggars description; but those terrible +British, destined to overshadow and destroy it, were already +beginning to get a foothold in India. Little, however, did the +imperial mourner, Shah Jehan, heed them. + +He at once set his architects at work, with twenty thousand laborers, +to build over his lost Moomtaza a memorial worthy of her loveliness +and of his grief. For twenty two years they toiled, when, at a cost +equivalent to twenty million dollars now, unveiled from every +disfiguring accompaniment, rose on the banks of the clear blue Jumna, +at Agra, where it still stands to enchant the soul of every traveller +who approaches, the Taj Mahul, the most exquisite building on the +globe, an angelic dream of beauty, materialized, and translated to +earth. It is a romance, at once of oriental royalty, of marriage, and +of the human heart, that the unrivalled pearl of architecture in all +the world should thus be a tomb reared over the body of his wife by +the proudest monarch of the East. + +Colonel Sleeman says, "Of no building on earth had I heard so much as +of this; for over five and twenty years, I had been looking forward +to the sight of it. And, from the first glimpse of the dome and +minarets on the distant horizon, to the last glance back from my tent +ropes to the magnificent gateway, I can truly say that every thing +surpassed my expectations. After going repeatedly over every part, +and examining the total view, from every position and in all possible +lights, from that of full moon at midnight in a cloudless sky, to +that of the noonday sun, the mind reposes in the calm persuasion, +that there is an entire harmony of parts, a faultless congregation of +architectural beauties, on which it could dwell for ever without +fatigue; and one leaves it with a feeling of regret that he cannot +have it all his life within his reach, and of assurance that the +image of what he has seen can never be obliterated from his mind +while memory holds her seat." + +The quadrangle in which the structure stands is 964 feet one way, 329 +the other. The area around is laid out in parterres, planted with +flowers, blossoming shrubs, and cypresses, interlaced by rows of +bubbling fountains, and avenues paved with freestone slabs. The +mausoleum itself, the terrace, and the minarets, are all formed of +the finest white marble, and thickly inlaid with precious stones. The +funeral vault is a miracle of coolness, softness, splendor, +tenderness, and solemnity. Fergusson, the historian of architecture, +says, "No words can express the chastened beauty of that central +chamber, the most graceful and the most impressive of all the +sepulchres of the world." When, in that vault, before the two +sarcophagi containing the bodies of Moomtaza and Shah Jehan, the +priest reads the Koran in a sort of mournful chant, or an attendant +plays with subdued breathings on a flute, the notes are borne up into +the numerous arcades and domes, reduplicated, intermingled, dying +away, fainter and fainter, sweeter and sweeter, until the ravished +hearer, as he departs, can remember no more than that the sounds were +heavenly, and produced a heavenly effect, making him feel, that, if +to die were to listen for ever to those tones, death would be +inconceivable bliss. + +Russell, in his "Diary in India," thus records the impression the +scene made on him: "Write a description of the Taj! As well write a +description of that lovely dream which flushed the poet's cheek, or +gently moved the painter's hand, as he lay trembling with delight, +the Endymion of the glorious Art Goddess, who reveals herself and +then floats softly away among the moonbeams and the dew clouds, as he +springs up to grasp the melting form! Here is a dream in marble, the +Taj: solid, permanent; but who, with pen or pencil, can convey to him +who has not seen it the exquisite delight with which the structure +imbues the mind at the first glance, the proportions and the beauty +of this strange loveliness, which rises in the Indian waste, as some +tall palm springs by the fountain in a barren wilderness? It is wrong +to call it a dream in marble: it is a thought, an idea, a conception +of tenderness, a sigh of eternal devotion and love, caught and imbued +with earthly immortality. There it stands in its astonishing +perfection, rising from a lofty platform of marble of dazzling +whiteness, minarets, dome, portals, all shining like a fresh, crisp +snow wreath. The proportions of the whole are so full of grace and +feeling, that the mind rests quite contented with the general +impression, ere it gives a thought to the details of the building, +the exquisite screens of marble in the windows, the fretted porches, +the arched doorways, from which a shower of fleecy marble, mingled +with a rain of gems, seems about to fall on you; the solid walls +melting and glowing with tendrils of bright flowers and wreaths of +blood stone, agate, jasper, carnelian, amethyst, snatched, as it +were, from the garden outside, and pressed into the snowy blocks. +Enter by the doorway in front: the arched roof of the cupola soars +above you, and the light falls dimly on the shrine like tombs in the +centre of the glistening marble, see a winter palace, in whose +glacial walls some gentle hand has buried the last flowers of +autumn." In yon cenotaph, profusely covered with ornamental texts +from the Koran, sleeps the lamented bride of the Indies. "Her lord +lies beside her, in a less costly but loftier casket; and the two +tombs are enclosed by a lattice of white marble, which is cut and +carved as though it were of the softest substance in the world. A +light burns in the tombs, and garlands of flowers are laid over the +rich imitations of themselves. Hark as you whisper gently, there +rolls through the obscure vault overhead a murmur like that of the +sea on a pebbly beach in summer. A white bearded priest, who never +raises his eyes from his book as we pass, suddenly reads out a verse +from the Koran. Hark! How an invisible choir takes it up, till the +reverberated echoes swell into a full volume of sound, as though some +congregation of the skies were chanting their hymns above our heads. +The eye fills and the lip quivers, we know not why: a sigh and a tear +are the tribute which every heart that can be moved to pity, or has +thrilled with love, must pay to the builder of the Taj." + +Who that reads this tender romance of love and loss, pride and grief +and peerless memorial, will not sometimes amidst enchanted +recollections of Nala and Damayanti, Haroun Al Raschid and Zobeide, +Shahriar and Scheherazade in his recurring thoughts allow a place for +the imperfectly known but fascinating story of Shah Jehan and +Moomtaza Mahul? + +PLATONIC LOVE; OR, THE MARRIAGE OF SOULS. + +IN the further consideration of these genial attachments of women +with persons not of their own sex, we come to those whose relation is +that of a wholly free and elective friendship, a friendship with no +intermixture either of hereditary connections or of family +obligations. This brings us directly to an examination of that +species of affection celebrated through the world as Platonic love; +on which so many false judgments, inadequate judgments, coarse +judgments, have been pronounced by partial observers and critics. If, +in this discussion of the relations of affection between men and +women, delicate topics are handled, and some things said from which a +squeamish reader may shrink, the vital importance of the matter and +the motive of the treatment furnish the only needful apology. Prudery +is the parsimony of a shrivelled heart, and is scarcely worthy of +respect. The subject of the relations of sentiment and passion +between the sexes has paramount claims on our attention. It actually +occupies a foremost place in the thoughts of most persons. It is +constantly handled in the most unrestrained banter on the stage and +in all the provinces of fictitious literature. Almost every +sensational tale reeks with vulgar portrayals of it. In the mean +time, the reign of vice is thought daily to grow more common and more +shameless; the demoralization of our great cities, in the flaunting +openness of their profligacy, seems to be annually bringing them +nearer to an equality with the debauched cities of pagan antiquity. +The depravity of an abandoned life is supposed to gather constantly +an enlarging class of victims, and to diffuse its undermining evils +more widely around us. Shall the pulpit, the academic chair, the high +court of the finer literature, alone be dumb? It is the duty of those +clothed with the authority of wisdom and purity to speak in plain +accents of warning and guidance. They are guilty of a wrong, if they +let a mock modesty keep them silent on a matter so deeply imperilling +the most sacred interests of the community. + +Yet a word of protest is called for against those exaggerated +sensational statements on this subject, so persistently forced on +public attention by well-meaning but mistaken persons. A tendency has +shown itself of late, in many quarters, to attribute that increase of +sensual vices imagined to mark the age, not to temporary outward +causes, provisional phases of our civilization, but to a growth of +depravity in character, an intrinsic lowering of moral sanctions and +heightening of foul passions in the people. Such a belief I hold to +be both false in its basis and pernicious in its influence. To every +competent student of human nature, history demonstrates a progressive +diminution in the intensity of the physical passions, and a +corresponding increase of moral sensibility and the power of +conscience. The extension of sensual vice at the present time, if it +be a fact, is owing to accidental conditions which will not be +permanent, and is itself very far from being so common or so fearful +as some alarmists think. Those alarmists are doing more hurt than +good by their overdrawn descriptions and excited declamation. They +are fastening a morbid attention on a morbid subject. There is an +innocent ignorance, which, if dangerous in some cases, is, in many +cases, the highest safety. There is a wholesome unconsciousness, a +noble preoccupation with good and pure things, which is a far more +promising protective from evil and its temptations than a keen scent +and an eager notice of every tainted thing in the wind. If you choose +the crow for your guide, you must expect your goal to be carrion. The +travellers, who, after making the tour of the United States, write +books taken up with the frequency of divorce among us, or devoted to +such limited and exceptional aspects as that presented by the Mormon +settlement at Utah, are not to be accepted as sound expositors of our +social and moral condition. A De Tocqueville is a truer and more +adequate teacher. Many recent writers on the relation of the sexes in +the present age, writers belonging to the medical, priestly, and +literary professions, appear to be infested with the suspicion that +certain wicked and disgusting customs are almost universal. They seem +occupied in looking everywhere to trace the signs of those customs. +Their writings are less adapted to prevent or cure the deprecated +evil than they are to fix a diseased gaze on it, and thus to +aggravate its mischief. Their readers must get more harm than benefit +from them. The belief in the exceptionality and the loneliness of +vice is a restraint from it; the belief in its commonness is a +demoralizing provocative to it. There are well-meant books now having +a wide circulation in consequence of the efforts made to push them, +which I cannot help believing do more injury than many books which +are universally condemned. They give their readers the suspicion that +the vilest forms of sensuality are universally prevalent, and induce +in them the habit of looking for their signals in every direction. To +every pure and lofty soul, such a suspicion and habit are enough to +turn the sunshine into a stench and make the very landscape +loathsome. The crowding of population in manufacturing and commercial +centres, our thronged and exposed hotel-life, the expensive habits of +fashion, the excessive luxury of wealth and vanity, are, undoubtedly, +causes of much personal vice. But, notwithstanding all this, the vile +and degraded men and women are the marked exception in every +community among us. The vile and degraded are more segregated into a +class by themselves, and are therefore more conspicuous and obtrusive +than ever before. Licentiousness may have been more prevalent +formerly than now, as I believe it was; but less prominent and less +noticed, because of its greater diffusion. It was not so concentrated +into relief. The unstainedly honorable and virtuous are the vast +majority, and will, when a few evil conditions of society are +outgrown, rapidly become an ever larger majority. Especially do I +believe it to be a truth, which none but the ignorant or the vicious +can question, that every city and village in America, outside of +Mormondom, abounds with matrons and maidens, the face of any one of +whom Purity herself might take for her escutcheon. + +But, after we allow every just abatement from the overcharged +representations of the extent of sensual vice in our time, there +remains cause enough to make every lover of virtue anxious to employ +all available means to lessen the force of social temptation and to +increase the firmness Of individual resistance. And there cannot be a +reasonable doubt that high-toned friendships of earnest men and women +would be a holy and powerful restraint from illicit habits. To +represent such attachments and intercourse as dangerous lures to +evil, or, as a popular novelist of the day has called them, +"delusions and snares," is an inversion of their true influence. +Consider the following picture drawn by a young Frenchman from his +own experience amid the exposures of Paris: + +"The house of Julius Fontaine is another home for me; he and his wife +are a family for me. When I am gay, I go to them to pour out my +gayety; if I am sad, I go to them to have my grief consoled; they +receive kindly both my joy and my sorrow. No fixed day nor hour of +admission, no ceremony and grand toilet; they receive me when I +arrive; they welcome rue in whatever costume I present myself. I +enjoy to the utmost, with these good friends, the pleasure of being +spoiled; I give myself up to it with delight. As soon as I enter, +they install me in a comfortable arm-chair, in a choice situation in +the corner of the fireplace. They speak to me of every thing that is +interesting to Ime; they listen to all my nonsense; they give me +advice, if I ask for it; they consult me about all they intend doing. +I am initiated, by a lively conversation, into the most minute +details of the household; they relate to me the little triumphs and +misdeeds of the children, whom they caress or scold before me. If the +hour arrives for the meal, my place is set; and, invited or not, +there are sure to be on the table some dishes for which they know my +preference. In playing with the children, in dreaming aloud, in +talking seriously, sometimes in a little discussion or backbiting, in +laughing, and exchanging those nothings which charm, we know not why, +the hours glide away. I leave as late as possible; we give cordial +grasps of the hand, which express our regret at parting. The next +day, or a few days after, I find myself there with renewed pleasure. +It seems as if each evening we become more necessary to one another. +They almost make me forget that they are two, and that I am one." + +Such a friendship must be a guardian guidance of virtue and +happiness. The cultivation of such relations cannot be too strongly +recommended. The odious vices of sensuality would die out before +them. Profligacy either rots or petrifies the heart; but a pure +friendship inspires, cleanses, expands, and strengthens the soul. It +is the nutriment of genius and of every form of philanthropic virtue. +"How can one who hates men love a woman without blushing?" is one of +Richter's incisive questions. + +In now taking up the subject before us, the meaning of the thing in +debate should first be perceived; for, while the ignorant are always +the least competent, they are often the most forward, to give +decisions. Truly understood, the Platonic sentiment does not denote +love, in the distinctive significance of that word, but a pure and +fervent friendship. Ideal love is ordinary love taken up, out of +material organs and relations, into pure mentality, with the +preserved correspondence of all it had on that lower plane where it +naturally lives. Platonic love is a high personal passion, like the +former, with the exception that no physical influence of sex enters +into it; imagination exalting the soul, instead of inflaming the +senses. Actual love is the marriage of total persons for mutual +happiness, and for the transmission of themselves in new beings. +Ideal love is either the memory of actual love, or the notion of it +prevented from becoming actual by some impediment. Platonic love is +the marriage of souls for the production of spiritual offspring, +ideas, feelings, and volitions. The first looks ultimately to the +perpetuation of life by providing new receptacles for it; the last +looks ultimately to the enhancement of life by a sympathetic +reflection of it. The children of actual love are organic +reproductions of the being of the parents; the children of Platonic +love are spiritual reflections of the being of the parents. The +perfected offspring of love are boys and girls; the perfected +offspring of friendship are states of consciousness. + +Love, in its high and pure forms, is confined to one object. +Friendship has this advantage, that it may be given to all, however +numerous, whose conduct and qualities of character are fitted to +command it. It is, therefore, less perilous, less exposed to fatal +wreck, more capable of consolations and replacements. Love and +friendship are properly not antagonists, but coadjutors. They +naturally go together where there is adaptedness for them, mutually +quickening and increasing each other. The former should never exist +without the ennobling companionship and clarifying mixture of the +latter. But there are numberless instances in which, while the former +is impossible, or would be wrong, the latter is abundantly capable of +nurture, and would prove a boon of unspeakable solace. + +Six immortal names will serve to set in relief the distinction +between that impassioned friendship of man and woman which +constitutes Platonic love, and those forms of ideal love which are +often erroneously confounded with it. + +The affection of Petrarch for Laura, after her death, was ideal love. +The love which, in her life, had pervaded his system, then rose, +strained of its carnal elements, and re-appeared in his mind alone, +with the ideal equivalents of all it had before. She became a +heavenly idea exciting emotions in him, instead of an earthly object +productive of sensations; yet a correspondence of all that had been +in the sensations was still seen, purged and eternized, in the +emotions. + +The affection for Beatrice which consecrated the soul of Dante was +Platonic love, or a divine friendship. It was free from sensual +ingredients from the first. It was his spirit, ruled by an intense +sympathy, mentally confronting hers, as a live mirror before a live +mirror; creating in his own, in correspondent states of +consciousness, all the entrancing shapes of truth, beauty, and +goodness he saw passing in hers, revealed from God, revealing God, +and clothed with power to redeem the gazer from every thing corrupt. +Dante promised to immortalize Beatrice by dedicating to her such a +strain of love as had never before celebrated a woman. He kept his +promise wonderfully. But the essence of his love was not a new +creation; it was simply an ardent, sexless, worshipping friendship, +that Platonic passion which, wholly cleansed from sense, adored a +beautiful soul as a type of the Divine Beauty, a medium of celestial +realities, which shone through it in half-veiled reminiscences. The +originality of the Dantean love consists, first, in the unique +personality of the poet, and the equally peerless personality which +his genius has given to his lady; secondly, in associating and +blending with the Platonic substance of that love the constituents +and scenery of the Christian doctrines of God and the future life. + +Abelard and Heloise began with ordinary friendship, in the relation +of teacher and pupil. The extreme beauty, genius, and graces of the +parties soon poured into their intercourse an intoxicating potion, +which swept the senses into the mental whirl; and friendship +fermented into love. After their misfortunes and separation, the +love, refined from passion to memory, rose out of the senses into the +thoughts, and circulated in idea, instead of detaching itself in act. +We imagine Petrarch offering enamored tribute to Laura, who warmly +persuades his homage, but coldly repels his ardor. We think of +Abelard and Heloise in pensive converse, hand in hand, eye to eye, +living over the past with tender regrets. But we see Dante kneeling +before Beatrice, in profound humility and intellectual entrancement, +touching the hem of her robe, while she points upward to the supernal +Glory, whose light is falling on her face. + +What distinguishes this Platonic affection from ordinary friendship +is, that the magic of imagination, with a religious emphasis, is in +it. What distinguishes it from love is, that the consciousness of sex +has nothing to do with it, while that element is essential in the +latter. If woman is generally the object to whom this affection +attaches, it is not because she is woman, but because she is purer, +lovelier, more self-abnegating, a clearer mirror of divinity. +Precisely the same affection exists, when favorable conditions meet, +between man and man; as is abundantly shown in the sonnets of +Shakespeare, in the writings of Plato himself, and in many other +places. + +The type of affection now defined, many people consider a mere +theory, spun by a finical fancy, incapable of reduction to practice +in the substantial relations of life. But such critics criticise +themselves. They identify their own limitations with the diagram of +human nature. This is the procedure ever characteristic of arrogant +folly, to make its actual experience the measure of possible +experience. All beauty that is sufficiently marked, does, in its very +nature, awaken a blessed ravishment in every soul that is +sufficiently harmonious and sensitive. The charm operates to this +result through the imagination. Now, if the imagination distribute +the spell through the body, as well as through the soul, ordinary +love is the consequence; but, if imagination be confined within the +intellect, Platonic love is the consequence. Some persons, no doubt, +are incapable of the latter; the instant any form of beauty strikes +their perceptions, it is deflected downward, and dips into the +senses. Every esthetic impression, even the loveliness of painting, +music, or a soft landscape, affects them voluptuously. But it is an +outrage for them to attribute this peculiarity of constitutional +structure, or temperamental key, to everybody else. There are persons +built after a nobler pattern, keyed to a loftier music, susceptible +of a more undefiled and eternal stir of the atoms of consciousness. +They look on a beautiful woman, with a delight circling purely in the +mind, with a serene melodious joy, like that given them by an +exquisite picture, statue, or landscape. Dante tells us, in his Vita +Nuova, that he carried about with him a list of the loveliest ladies +in Florence. To attach any prurient association to the act, would be +blasphemy; it can only be understood by reference to that sweet, +poetic, religious worship of lovely forms, which seems to rise +through contemplation of beauty to adoration of God. One man, brought +into intimate relation with an attractive and gifted woman, feels as +if he were a vase of fiery quicksilver; another feels as if he were a +mirror of divine ideas. The latter is capable of a friendship with +her as fervent as love, but without its alloy; the former is not. St. +Beuve says of Maurice de Guerin, "The sympathetic friendship of a +beautiful woman appeased instead of inflaming him." + +The exalted friendship of man and woman, known as Platonic love, is +not, then, an empty mirage of sentimentality. But is it not too +dangerous to be cultivated? Is it not liable to go too far, and to +work fatal mischiefs? Many, judging from unworthy instances, With an +inadequate knowledge of the data, answer these questions with a +sweeping affirmative. But justice requires a careful discrimination. +Unquestionably there are some who are unfit for this relation, in +danger of perversion and betrayal at every step of its progress. Such +should either shun the connection, or keep themselves with double +guards of discreet reserve and watchfullness. Love and friendship, +with them, are two electrical regions, insulated by a thin line of +non-conduction. The more highly charged region tends, at the touch of +any stimulative sign, to break through the barrier, and to flood the +whole being with its own kind. For those of inflammable temperament +and weak conscience, it is obvious enough what jeopardy must attend +their playing about the conscious edges of relations on which such +thunders of soul and fate hang, ready to be unleashed at a look. But +there is another class of persons, with whom the fire of affection is +harmless. Like those weird heat-lightnings that play in the firmament +on summer evenings, it retains the lambent warmth and luminous +loveliness, without the blasting violence. Of the intellectual and +sensual regions, only the former is surcharged; the latter is either +exhausted, or separated by an insulation so sure that it cannot +possibly flash into the other. The unclean electricity of lust cannot +find its way through the non-conductors of esteem, reverence, duty, +and honor. Those are safe, who, shielded by such holy barriers, pay +their worship, in the mental holy of holies, to the supernal charms +of truth and virtue, to the dazzling sanctity of the principle of +good. It is only the gross and weak who are discharged to their ruin +by the lures of vice and pleasure. A profound reverence for a person +at the same time inflames the soul and refrigerates the senses. + +The common apprehension of danger from friendship between men and +women is exaggerated. Those who fear such a danger should study the +moral exaltation and the unspeakable usefullness and comfort of the +friendship between Gunther, the court physician, and Matilda, the +queen, depicted by Auerbach, with such careful truth, in his great +novel, "On the Height." Friendship is more likely to spring from love +than love from friendship, in all but degraded characters. Desire is +unprincipled. Love rests on a basis of desire, and naturally fights +against the obstacles that oppose its gratification. It is, +therefore, taken by itself, essentially dangerous. But friendship +rests on a basis of esteem. Esteem is the very voice and face of +moral and religious principle, the essential enemy of low +temptations. It is the clear cold signet with which the soul stamps a +commanding veto against every vicious act. Whenever there is danger +that friendship will become another passion, where there are legal or +moral duties forbidding it, the true course is not to dismiss and +denounce the friendship, but to preserve it in its undegenerate +integrity, by strengthening the sanctions, restraints, and +obligations that should properly guide and guard it. The element of +sense and sex sometimes breaks out with horrible fury in the closest +relations. The cruel crime of Hebrew Amnon, the dark tale of Italian +Cenci, numerous Greek tragedies, many of the terrible English +tragedies of Massinger, Ford, Beaumont and Fletcher, and Beddoes, +furnish harrowing examples. The amours of the unworthy yield no +better argument against profound and earnest friendships between men +and women than the morbid cases referred to yield against the proper +affection of parent and child, brother and sister. One does not +refuse to exercise his mind for fear it will lead to insanity; but he +takes care to exercise it healthily. So he should not repudiate the +friendship of a woman, because it may lead to harm; he should cherish +the friendship, and beware of the harm. It is a profanation to judge +of the natural effect of intimacy with the innocent or the wise and +virtuous from the effects of intimacy with the depraved and guileful. +Poor, sinful Tannhauser, long enslaved in the Venusberg, yearned to +be free from the degrading bonds of sensuality. Utterly vain were his +agonizing prayers to Venus to release him. But when, with a sudden +ardor of faith and resolve, he cried to the Virgin Mary, the grotto +in which he was confined instantly faded away, with all its +unhallowed seductions. + +The degree of danger in these connections will always depend on the +characters of the parties. We cannot lay down, as tests, general +rules which have much value irrespective of particular persons. Jean +Paul, at twenty-six, wrote a prize-essay on "How far Friendship may +proceed with the other sex without Love, and the Difference between +it and Love." The essay won the prize; but, if ever published, it is +not contained in his collected writings. Probably the author's +maturer judgment pronounced it of but little value. In one of the +volumes of the "Southern Literary Messenger" there is a very pleasing +tale, entitled "How far Friendship may go with a Woman;" arguing that +it is sure to end in love. The same conclusion is also advocated with +much spirit in "A Debate on Friendship," in the thirty-fourth volume +of "Knickerbocker." The opposite and better view is gracefully and +effectively maintained in an article entitled "De l'Amitie," in the +fifteenth volume of "Harper's Magazine." Such special pleadings, +however, will have slight weight with a sincere inquirer after the +truth. + +The most important principle for the guidance of such an inquirer is +this: Friendship can be carried, without adulteration or peril, to a +degree proportioned to the nobleness and consecration of the parties. +It is shocking for those drawn together by a common pursuit of +pleasures, to judge, by the standard applicable to themselves, those +attracted towards each other by a common service of authorities. As a +general rule, sensuality is in inverse ratio to intellectuality, but +sensibility in direct ratio. + +Accordingly, there is a select class of men and women, of the +loftiest genius and character, the native haunt of whose souls is in +the purest regions of nature and experience, who are made for +friendship; and who, destitute of this, are deprived of their truest +and fullest happiness. The movement of imagination which beauty +starts in them keeps to the chariot-paths of celestial ideas, and is +never switched into the burning tracks of sense. Friendship then +reigns in sovereign distinction from love, sometimes by an +unfittedness for the latter, sometimes by the interposition of moral +principles and sentiments which lift their insulating behests as an +impenetrable wall between the different regions. + +One of the most striking of the testimonies borne to the value of the +friendship of a woman is that of Sir Edward Bulwer Lytton: + +"It is a wonderful advantage to a man, in every pursuit or avocation, +to secure an adviser in a sensible woman. In woman there is at once a +subtile delicacy of tact, and a plain soundness of judgment, which +ire rarely combined to an equal degree in man. A woman, if she be +really your friend, will have a sensitive regard for your character, +honor, repute. She will seldom counsel you to do a shabby thing; for +a woman Triend always desires to be proud of you. At the same time, +her constitutional timidity makes her more cautious than your male +friend. She, therefore, seldom counsels you to do an imprudent thing. +By friendships I mean pure friendships, those in which there s no +admixture of the passion of love, except in the married state. A +man's best female friend is a wife of good sense and good heart, whom +he loves, and who loves him. If he have that, he need not seek +elsewhere. But supposing the man to be without such a helpmate, +female friendship he must have, or his intellect will be without a +garden, and there will be many an unheeded gap even in its strongest +fence. + +"Better and safer, of course, are such friendships, where disparities +of years or circumstances put the idea of love out of the question. +Middle life has rarely the advantage youth and age have. Moliere's +old housekeeper was a great help to his genius; and Monaigne's +philosophy takes both a gentler and loftier character of wisdom from +the date in which he finds, in Marie de Gournay, an adopted daughter, +'certainly beloved by me,' says the Horace of essayists, with more +than paternal love, and involved in my solitude of retirement, as one +of the best parts of my being. Female friendship, indeed, is to a man +the bulwark, sweetener, ornament, of his existence. To his mental +culture it is invaluable; without it, all his knowledge of books will +never give him knowledge of the world." + +Mrs. Jameson quotes the opinion of Auguste Comte, that "the only true +and firm friendship is that between man and woman, because it is the +only one free from all possible competition." And she adds, "In this +I am inclined to agree with him, and to regret that our conventional +morality, or immorality, places men and women in such a relation +socially as to render such friendships difficult and rare." Sydney +Smith said, and the remark applies as forcibly to America as to +England, "It is a great happiness to form a sincere friendship with a +woman; but a friendship among persons of different sexes rarely or +never takes place in this country." The strong jealousy felt in these +countries for any intimate relations of affection between men and +women other than fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, brothers +and sisters, husbands and wives; the readiness to cast coarse +insinuations on them, is more discreditable to our hearts than it is +creditable to our morals. It implies the belief that they cannot be +attached as spirits without becoming entangled as animals. It is +absurd to pretend that the multiplication of virtuous friendships +between the sexes would foster licentiousness. Their flourishes best +in their absence. Their lifeelement, esteem, is death to +licentiousness. A holy thought, with its train of vestal emotions, +like Diana and her nymphs, hunts impure desire out of the blood. One +of the most known and remarkable friendships of woman and man was +that of the Pope Hildebrand and the Countess Matilda of Tuscany. +Their relation was based on veneration for each other's commanding +and austerely virtuous characters, ardent sympathy in convictions, +plans, dangers, labors, and sufferings. They were both supremely +devoted to the Church, to the support of its creed, and to the +extension of its power. An enthusiastic community in so much +experience made them enthusiastic friends. The vile charges of +impurity brought against them by their vulgar foes then, and repeated +since by prejudiced historians, are a matter of indignation and +disgust to every impartial judge. + +The most persuasive recommendation of these friendships is seen in +the class of persons who are their most distinguished cultivators and +exemplars. Men overflowing with the tenderest sensibility, devoted to +the loftiest ends, bravest to dare, firmest to suffer, quickest to +renounce, studious, afflicted, holy, unconquerable souls, are the +ones who put the highest estimate on the friendships of women; who +instinctively seek to win the confidence and interest of the best +women they meet; who are surest to surround themselves with a group +of pure and noble women, from whose sympathy, through conversation +and correspondence, they draw unfailing supplies of comfort, strength +and hope. Find a person to whom a tender friendship is an absolute +necessity, as it was to the classic De Tocqueville, who said, "I +cannot be happy, or even calm, unless I meet with the encouragement +and sympathy of some of my fellow-creatures," and you will never find +him sneering at Platonic love. Klopstock, soul of ethereal softness +and sanctity; Jean Paul, who added the finest heart of womanhood to +the athletic soul of manhood; Richardson, so blameless in his life, +so pathetic in his writings, so pleasing in his half naive, half +grandiose, personality; William Humboldt, the loving son and brother, +the irreproachable statesman, the majestic scholar, the model of a +Christian gentleman; Matthieu de Montmorency, hero and saint; +Schleiermacher, the unflinching thinker and prophet, devout rouser, +yearning comrade, encircled by Rahel Levin, Charlotte Von Kathen, +Dorothea Veit, Henrietta Herz, and the rest; Charming, brave seeker +and servant of truth, spotless patriot, lofty friend of humanity, +burning aspirant to God, finest and grandest American character, +these, and such as these, are the men who have most valued +friendships with choice and unspotted women. On the other hand, the +contemners of such a sentiment will be found most fitly represented +by Thersites, who continued to ridicule Achilles for the tender- +heartedness he showed towards the dead queen of the Amazons, until +the hero killed the rancorous scoffer with one blow of his fist. + +But, of all the class of men we have been speaking of, no one has +more thoroughly tasted the contents of this relation in personal +experience, or more completely mastered and displayed its secrets by +psychological criticism, than Jacobi. Jacobi sat, for half his life, +in the centre of a sort of Platonic academy of noble women, such as +his own sisters, and the Princess Galitzin, Sophia Delaroche, and +Cornelia Goethe, revolving, both in native feeling and critical +thought, all the treasures of pure affection. Bettine, after a visit +to him, said, "Jacobi is tender as a Psyche awakened too early." In +his two works, "Allwill's Correspondence" and "Woldemar," he unfolds +the true philosophy of Platonic love, in its psychological +foundations and workings, and in all its subtilest ramifications, +more fully than anybody else has ever done it. Jacobi held the glass +before his own bosom, dipped the pen in his own heart, and drew the +noble though fevered Woldemar after the life. The chief characters in +this romance of philosophy and sentiment are Woldemar; his brother +Biderthal, to whom he is passionately attached; Dorenburg; the three +sisters, Caroline, Luise, and Henriette Hornich; and their dear +neighbor and associate, Allwina Clarenau. Caroline and Luise marry +Biderthal and Dorenburg; Allwina becomes Woldemar's wife; but +Henriette becomes his friend. This friendship becomes so +comprehensive and intense in its vitality, that life would be nothing +to them without it. After a while, an element of strange perturbation +and suspicion enters into it; they fear it is becoming love, and are +most wretched. But at length, after much perplexity and distress, all +comes clear; and they are again blessed with a perfect spiritual +sympathy, as serene and pure as that between two seraphs. + +The story and many of its separate incidents have been greatly +censured and ridiculed; but Jacobi had an insight, a knowledge, a +mastery, in these delicate matters, far superior to that of his +critics. Whoso really fathoms his exposition must justify and admire +it. The characters of Woldemar and Henriette are extraordinary and +exceptional; they are nevertheless true; and their experience is +accurately depicted, and offers an invaluable lesson for those who +can read it. "I had, from a child," Woldemar writes, "a sweet +lovingness for every thing which came in beauty towards my senses or +my soul. I was full of pleasure, courage, and sadness. I bore +something in my heart which divided me from all things; yea, from +myself, I strove so earnestly to embrace and unite myself with all. +But what made my heart so loving, so foolish, so warm and good, that +I never found in any one. Before the rising and before the setting +sun, under the moon and the stars, full of love and full of despair, +I have wept as Pygmalion before the image of his goddess." After +many vain trials to win a sufficing friendship, after long +observation of others and study of himself, Woldemar concluded it +unattainable, and laid the hope aside. "I found," he says, "that, +collectively and singly, we nourish too many and too eager desires, +are too deeply harassed by the pursuits, cares, joys, and pains of +life, are too much tortured, excited, distracted, for two men +anywhere, in these times, to become and remain so completely one as +my loving enthusiasm had made me dream." But Henriette revived this +long-forgotten dream in Woldemar, and made it real; and in his +friendship we see carried out the idea of a man in whom a foreign +personality has so overlaid and taken up his own, absorbing his will +and determining his re-actions, that, in his relation to her, the +element of sex is excluded, as it is in his relation to himself; and +marriage with her would seem to him worse than incest. + +The Duchess de Duras, in a letter to Madame Swetchine, expresses +herself as being "indignant with the refinements of Woldemar," + +"The mixture of true and false, the combination of just reasoning +with perverted sentiment. This love which is not friendship! and this +friendship which is not love! Well, in the name of God, to love, is +it not to love? Ah, Madame la Duchesse! do you think, then, that all +the infinitely complicated minglings and windings of human feeling +are so lucid and simple? Is Jacobi, the German Plato, so stupid a +metaphysician and so low a moralist that you can so easily teach him +acumen and ethics? Scorn or mirth is misdirected against him." Had +Madame Swetchine read "Woldemar," we may be sure her verdict would +have been different. + +France has stood for a long time in advance of every other nation, in +regard to the friendships of its men and women, pure as well as +impure; it is a slander to limit them to the latter class. The reason +of this is to be traced in historic causes, going back to the birth +and dispersed influence of chivalry. Chivalry burst into its most +gorgeous flower in Provence; Toulouse was the capital whence its +light and perfume radiated through France. It spread thence into +Spain, Italy, Germany, England, and other places; but nowhere reached +the height and copiousness of power it had in the land of its origin. +Its most fervent manifestation, at the summit of its state, was seen +in the worship of woman, the chaste and enthusiastic homage paid by +the knight to the lady of his choice. This ideal idolatry of woman, +which played so dazzling a part in the poems of the minstrels and in +the inner life and historic feats of the knights, subsided, in the +gradual change of times, into delight in the society and conversation +of woman. The peculiar combination of influences that presided over +this process may be briefly indicated. + +Few women at the present time appreciate the debt of honor and +gratitude they owe to the troubadour or wandering minstrel of the +early Middle Age. Moncaut has well revealed it in his "History of +Modern Love." Feudal tyranny then held the whole sex in the sternest +slavery. One day, the wife, or the young daughter, confined in the +upper story of the walled fortress, sees, passing by the castle, a +poor youth with a guitar suspended from his neck, humming a +languishing air. She gazes on him; she hearkens to his song; she +thanks him with a gesture and a smile. He has brought a momentary +relief to the weariness of her sad captivity. Cast a glance on this +roaming singer, this houseless rhymer; the last representative of +that noble poesy born before Homer. This gentle son of poverty, +seeking his bread with the strings of his viol, this Bohemian of the +eleventh century, goes to regenerate barbarian society. The influence +of music and poesy, which nothing mortal can resist, will win him +permission in all places to sing what no one would dare to say. He +will publish the sighs of woman for liberty, at a time when her life +is an imprisonment; the prerogatives of love, its independence, when +the father disposes of his daughter without deigning to consult her +wishes or her vows. Before the ladies of the castles, he will +celebrate the splendid deeds of the knights; before the knights, he +will compassionate the tears and hardships of the ladies shut up in +the castles; and thence will arise a double current of attraction and +of sympathy between the oppressed women who suffer, and the generous +men who long to deliver them. + +But causes far deeper and wider than that of minstrelsy wrought in +the favorable influence of chivalry on the condition of women, causes +psychological, physiological, and social. The exalting effect of love +is well known; its inciting and glorifying power is seen even in +birds and beasts at the pairing-time, in a new brilliancy of plumage, +and a wonderful increase of courage. Love produces a greater +secretion of force in the brain and other nervous centres. This +exuberance of spirit, or exaltation of function, is usually a +transient phenomenon, the gratification of its impulses bringing its +cause to a termination. It may, however, be made permanent by such an +appropriation of the product as will re-act to keep the cause alive. +That is to say, materialize a passion, and you destroy its power, its +flame dies in the damps of indulgence; but spiritualize a passion, +and you perpetuate its power, its flame becomes a spur, pricking the +sides of intent. + +The love of woman has in all ages given birth in man to passionate +desires, poetic dreams, deferential attentions, persuasive forms of +politeness; but only once in the whole of history has this softening, +quickening, exalting power restrained from a destructive outlet, and +stimulated to an unparalleled richness of manifestation, stamped with +chastity by the dominant conscience and imagination of the time +broken out in one great swell as an inspiration to glorious deeds, +illuminating the world, and making an immortal epoch. Such, in one of +its aspects, is the significance of chivalry, whose crest-wave broke +into bloom in the Provencal literature; whose consummate flower, +lifted far aloft, was Dante's homage to Beatrice. The inspiration of +chivalry was the love of woman; but that love was spiritual. It aimed +not at a personal union, to die away in marriage, but at a deathless +fruition in heroic achievements. This ideal appropriation of love, to +engender self-abnegating valor and beneficent deeds, originated from +the meeting of the two currents of martial history and the Christian +religion in a prepared people and period. + +War was the chief institution and experience of man down to the +Middle Age; Christianity had then become sovereign of the common +beliefs and fears. The priests, who governed thought and conscience +almost without check, were vowed to perpetual chastity; that was held +up as the highest virtue. But gallantry has always marked the +soldier. This element of military life, inoculated with the fire of +imagination and the sanctity of the gospel, as happened in the poetic +atmosphere of priestly and feudal Provence, was transformed into that +pure, intense worship of woman which was sung by the Christian +troubadours, and admired and emulated alike by lords, minstrels, and +squires. For when the priesthood adopted the sons of war, and sent +them forth under Christian sanctions, they naturally imparted to +them, as far as possible, their own duties and sentiments. The result +was the knight, with his lyre, cross, and sword, mixture of poet, +warrior and saint; impersonating, in strange but beautiful union, the +military, the literary, and the ecclesiastic ideal, in which the +sensual flame fostered in the atmosphere of battle was blended with +the mental purity nourished by the exercises of the cloister, and +tempered with the rich fancy evoked under the stimulus of the +academy. Chivalry was the child of martial adventure and religious +faith, married by the culture of the Church. The gallant worship of +woman native to the camp, the poetic worship of woman created in the +court of minstrelsy, and the religious worship of woman set forth by +the Church in the apotheosis of the Virgin Mary, blent in chivalry, +produced that stainless and ardent devotion of the knight to his +lady, which was appropriated as at once the incitement and the reward +of brave and disinterested actions. Dipped in that pure pool of +sentiment which the Angel of Christianity stirred, the darts of Cupid +were cleansed from aphrodisiacs. The thought of a pure and lovely +woman was then naturally allied with the thought of Divinity; the +association of garter and star was not difficult. + +The enthusiasm thus copiously generated, forbidden by the reigning +spirit and circumstances of the age to escape, either through the +vent of sensual indulgence, or through that of mere dreaming +sentimentalism, was forced to flow forth in the only remaining +channel, that of self-consecration to perilous adventures, glorious +services, feats of toil and penance. When arms and knight-errantry +fell out of fashion, in a more settled age, this force of enthusiasm, +no longer flashing forth in warlike emprise, illumined the saloon; +the current of feeling, instead of being directed upon the field, +circled in the breast, and sparkled out in genial talk and graceful +forms. The idolatrous devotion to woman, which had nerved the arm of +the knight, and upheld chivalry, now subsided into a respectful +sympathy with woman, and, animating the heart of the gentleman, +became the ornament and sweetener of society, the inspiring basis of +intercourse. In consequence of the stimulus and position resulting +from the extreme honor paid to the great feudal dames and their +beautiful sisters, in that palmy era, the higher class of women in +France obtained a social development whose advantages they have never +since lost. + +France also had another period quite unique for the varied and +wonderful development it gave to the genius and character of woman. +An anonymous writer, in the English "National Review," has described +this epoch in a passage of marked wisdom and brilliancy. "The court +of France," he says, "in the reign of Louis XIII, the regency of Anne +of Austria, and the early part of the reign of Louis XIV, produced a +company of ladies, in whose presence all the remaining tract of +history looks dim. Cousin has nobly drawn the portraits of their +leaders. The wars of the League had left the great nobles of France +in the enjoyment of an amount of personal freedom, importance, and +dignity, greater than was ever before or since the lot of any +aristocracy. Chivalrous traditions; the custom of appeal to arms for +the settlement of personal quarrels, a custom which is said to have +cost the country some nine hundred of its best gentlemen in about as +many years; the worship of womanhood, carried to a pharisaical +strictness of observance, were conditions, which, though socially +disastrous in various ways, exalted the individual worth, power, and +majesty of men to the most imposing height, and rendered a +corresponding exaltation imperative upon the women, in order to +secure that personal predominance which it is their instinct to seek. +The political state of France was one which afforded the members of +its court extraordinary occasions for the display of character. That +state was one of a vast transition. Feudal privileges had to be +either moderated, defined, and constitutionalized, or else destroyed. +The revolution which was about to operate in England, and to end in +liberty, was already working in France with a manifestly opposite +destiny. Richelieu and Mazarin were slowly and surely bringing about +an absolute despotism, as the only solution of the political +difficulties of the State consistent with its greatness, and, +probably, even with its unity. The opposition of the nobles to the +diminution of their power was carried on with far greater boldness +and grandeur of personal effect, inasmuch as it was done without +directly affronting the monarchical authority in the persons of its +weak representatives, Louis XIII. and Anne of Austria. The two great +ministers were the objects against which the whole wrath of the +nobility was directed. Hence the war against encroaching monarchy was +in great part waged in the court itself; and the king and the queen- +regent were themselves found from time to time in the ranks of the +indignant aristocracy. Here, then, was a wonderful field for +individual effect; and that field was open to women no less, or even +more, than to men; for the struggle on the part of the latter was, +upon the whole, a selfish and ignoble one. No national idea inspired +it; every one was for himself and his house; and the women were +perfectly able to sympathize and assist in quarrels of this personal +and intelligible interest. In these days, too, rose Port-Royal, with +its female reformers, saints, and theologians, offering an asylum to +weary and repentant worldliness and passion, or a fresh field for +vanity which had exhausted its ordinary irritants. On every side lay +great temptations and great opportunities; and the women of the +period seem to have been endowed with singular qualifications for the +illustration of both." + +The historic tradition of her great, lovely, brilliant, accomplished +women is one chief reason why friendships of women with men are more +common and important in France than in most other countries. Besides, +the French are a more ideal people than others; live more from the +brain, less from the spinal axis; take a deeper delight in the mere +social reflection and echoing of life. And in this, on account of +their instinctive swiftness of susceptibility, perception, and +adroitness, refined women can have no rivals in the other sex. The +luxury of the British is taciturnity; but to this day the favorite +excitement of the French is conversation; and conversation is the +food of friendship. + +The inner history of the Catholic Church, so wealthy in many +departments of experience, is especially rich in an original class of +profound friendships of men and women, friendships between devout +ladies and their spiritual directors. Without referring to the abuses +which would sometimes occur in the instances of weak or sinister +characters, these religious friendships have often been surprisingly +permeating and transparent. This follows from the nature of the case. +For the most ardent healthy devotees of religion are persons of the +most exalted ideas and affections, most deeply endowed with the +sensibility of genius. Every coarse passion both alien to their souls +and awed away by the infinite realities they adore in common, the +historic abyss of the Church scintillating around them with the +memories and presences of saints, martyrs, angels, it is natural that +all the purer sympathies of their being, enkindled and consecrated, +should yearn together. The woman also confides every secret, unveils +the inmost states of her spirit, to her confessor; takes counsel of +him; holds with him the most confidential communion known outside of +marriage. And the priest, in turn, shut out from the chief personal +ties and vents of family, spontaneously bestows, so far as is +blameless, his best human affections, turned back elsewhere, on the +sister, daughter, mother, friend, fellow-worshipper, who looks up to +him with such affecting trust, opening her heart to him, telling him +her hopes and griefs, her errors, prayers, and fears. Madame de +Sevigne, speaking of the attachment of women for their confessors, +says, "They would rather talk ill of themselves than not talk of +themselves." When pure and beautiful women, wonderfully dowered with +spiritual charms, and noble priests, eminently possessed of every +virtue and authority of character, so often meet, amid such inspiring +circumstances, beneath the august sanctions of the church, drawn +forward by the sublime mysteries of religion, and blending the +potential perfections of heaven with the actual experiences of earth, +it would be no less than a miracle if many friendships of singular +sincerity and power did not spring up. They have sprung up in every +part and period of Christendom; more in the Catholic Church than +anywhere else, because its ritual and doctrine, its organized +religious life and its practice of direction, furnish for them +unequalled facilities and provocatives. + +The friendship all divine which Jesus showed for many women, of whom +Mary and Martha, the sisters of his friend Lazarus, are examples--the +friendship which drew such matchless devotion from them, has been +perpetuated in the Church in a relation of peculiar tenderness +between the priest and the devotee. + +"Many women followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering unto him." With +what godlike benignity he spoke to the Samaritan woman, to the +Syrophenician woman, and to the poor adulteress! With what +indescribable compassion he turned to the women who accompanied him +towards Calvary, bewailing and lamenting him, and said, "Daughters of +Jerusalem, weep not for me". And what words shall be set beside those +which fell from his lips when, as he hung on the cross, he saw his +mother, and the disciple standing by whom he loved, and he saith unto +his mother, "Woman, behold thy son!" then he saith to the disciple, +"Behold thy mother!" Verily, from that hour, the Church has taken +woman to itself, as the recipient of a ministration full of respect +and purity. In any enumeration of renowned ecclesiastical +friendships, Saint Chrysostom and Saint Olympias, the gold-mouthed +bishop of Constantinople and the rich and noble widow, deserve to +head the list. Under the guidance of the eloquent preacher, she +labored to perfect herself in the religious life, and gave her time +and wealth to all kinds of charity and good works. From her Christian +affection he drew precious strength and comfort. When he was carried +from his church and driven into exile, the weeping Olympias fell at +his feet, and clasped them so closely that the officers had to use +force in tearing him from her. Sixteen letters addressed to her by +Chrysostom during his banishment are still extant, silently +pronouncing her eulogy throughout the Christian world. A friendship +like the foregoing, only still more complete, was that of Saint +Jerome and Saint Paula. The talents, scholarship, services, and +enthusiasm of Jerome are universally known; and the chief personal +attachment of his life is scarcely less familiar to the public. +Paula, immortalized not less in literary history as his friend than +in the ecclesiastical calendar for her virtues, was one of the most +distinguished women of the age. She had great riches and high rank, +as well as pronounced talents and worth. The blood of the Scipios, of +the Gracchi, and of Paulus Emilius, met in her veins. Jerome was her +spiritual director at Rome for two years and a half-her other soul +while life remained. She built and supported at her own expense an +extensive monastery for Jerome and his monks at Bethlehem. When she +died, Jerome wrote to her daughter the long and celebrated letter +called "Epitaph of Paula," in which he exhausts the hyperboles of +praise. The features of a rare character and the proofs of an +extraordinary affection may be discerned within the extravagances of +this eloquent panegyric. The tombs of Jerome and Paula are still to +be seen side by side in the monastery at Bethlehem. Saint Clara of +Assisi, on account of her high rank, great wealth, and extreme +loveliness, had many offers of marriage, many temptations to enter +into the gayeties and luxuries of the world. But she preferred the +thorny path of mortification and the crown of celestial beatitude. +The melting pathos of the preaching of Saint Francis, with the +penetrative charm of his spirit, drew her to throw herself at his +feet and supplicate his guidance. He approved her desire to devote +herself wholly to the religious life in seclusion; and, when she had +made her escape by night from the proud castle, clad in her festal +garments, and with a palm-branch in her hand, he and his poor +brotherhood met her at the chapel-door, with lighted tapers and hymns +of praise, and led her to the altar. Francis cut off her long golden +hair, and threw his own penitential habit over her. She became his +disciple, daughter, and friend, never wavering, though exposed to +dangers and trials of the severest character. Under his direction, +she formed the famous order of Franciscan nuns, afterwards named from +her the Poor Clares. + +These nuns, clad in gowns of gray wool, knotted girdles, white coifs +and black veils, engaged in touching works of humility and charity, +have been seen in many nations now for seven centuries, keeping alive +the example of their foundress. When the body of Saint Francis, on +its way to burial, was borne by the church of San Damiano, where +Clara and her nuns dwelt, she came forth with them weeping, saluted +the remains of her friend, and kissed his hands and his garments. The +memory of the relation of these sainted friends is perpetuated in +many pictures of the Madonna, wherein Clara is portrayed on one side +of the throne of the Virgin, and Francis on the other, both +barefooted, and wearing the gray tunic and knotted cord emblematic of +poverty. Perhaps the most fervent and interesting of all the +friendships between director and devotee, of which the documents have +been published, is that of Saint Francis of Sales and Madame de +Chantal. Full materials for studying this relation are furnished in +the letters that passed between the parties, both of whom were of a +temperament strung to the most exquisite tones of consciousness, with +minds both wise and strong, and with characters under the control of +austere principles of duty and piety. Michelet, in his work on the +Confessional, gives a skilful and forcible picture of this rapt +friendship; but his own pervading sensuousness, not to say +sensuality, does the sentiment gross injustice by mixing in it so +much of flesh and earth. The union of these two mystics in spirit and +deed was as taintless as that of two angels in heaven. + +If throbs of agonizing passion sometimes mounted up, the invariable +heroism with which they were veiled and suppressed simply adds the +martyr merit to the saintly one. Saint Francis had an irresistible +attractiveness of figure and face, a temper and bearing of singular +sweetness. Childlike, and so fair in appearance that it was difficult +to withdraw the eyes from him, he united the greatest social insight +and skill with the greatest sincerity and simplicity. Madame de +Chantal, early left a widow, with several children and an aged and +infirm father, administered the business of her household with +systematic prudence, and filled her leisure hours with fervent +religious exercises. Saint Francis and Madame de Chantal seem to have +been predestined for friends. Their biographers relate, that, long +before they had seen each other, they met in mystical visions and +ecstasies. Archbishop Fremiot, brother of Madame de Chantal, and an +intimate acquaintance of Saint Francis, invited him to preach at +Dijon. During his sermon, the preacher noticed one lady particularly +above the rest; and, as he came down from the desk, asked, "Who is +that young widow who listened so attentively to the word?" The +archbishop replied, "That is my sister, the Baroness de Chantal." An +inspired understanding appears to have at once united their minds. +"It is enchantment," Michelet says, "to read the vivacious and +delightful letters which open the correspondence of Saint Francis +with his dear sister and dear daughter. Nothing can be more pure, +nothing can be more ardent." He says the sentiment she awakened +powerfully assisted his spiritual progress. He thought of her at the +moment of partaking of the sacrament. "I have given you and your +widowed heart and your children daily to the Lord, in offering up his +Son." She dispensed with her former confessor, and confided her +spirit to Saint Francis. She desired to take the conventual vows; but +he restrained her a long time. In the name of his mother, he gave her +his young sister to educate. + +This occupation tranquillized her mind; but the beloved child soon +died at her house, in her arms. She prayed God "to take her own life, +or one of her children, in place of her dear pupil." Saint Francis +now consented that she should withdraw from the world. Her household +presented a piteous scene-her old father and father-in-law in tears; +her son, afterwards the father of Madame de Sevigne, prostrating +himself on the threshold to prevent her departure. But the passionate +response in her to the supposed call of Heaven broke all lower ties; +and she passed over the body of her son, and said farewell for ever +to her home. Saint Francis intrusted her with the formation of a new +religious order--the celebrated Order of the Visitation. In nurturing +this order, writing, travelling, praying in its interests, with +intervals of silent retreat, she spent the rest of her days. Her +intense temperament, her absolute faith and submission, her +systematic attention to business, her mystical ecstasies, her heroic +sacrifice, form a most original combination. Her life seems an +alternation of sober processes, stormy raptures, and stifling calms. +Her restless sensibility, girdled by fixed principle, gives us the +picture of a sea of fire breaking on a shore of frost. Her essay on +"Desire and the Agony of Disappointment" is a gush forced from the +bottom of a heart full of baffled feeling, under the pressure of a +mountain of pain. The constancy and power of her attachment to Saint +Francis, through all, are marvellous. On the day of his mother's +death, he writes, "I have given you the place of my mother in my +memorial at the mass: now you hold in my heart both her place and +your own." She writes to him, "Pray that I may not survive you." +Twenty years did she outlive him; finding, to the last, her greatest +pleasure in remembering him, carrying out his wishes, and +corresponding about him with his friends. Ten years after the death +of Saint Francis, Madame de Chantal had his tomb opened in the +presence of her community, and made an address before the embalmed +body. A testimony to the deep impression their friendship had made is +found in the myth, that, when on this occasion she reverently lifted +to her head the dead hand of the saint, it acknowledged her devotion +by an answering caress. The winning qualities of Madame Guion +awakened an enthusiastic interest in many of those whom her +remarkable religious experience brought into close relations with +her. Especially they produced in her confessor, Father Lacombe, such +a ruling admiration, reverence, and tenderness, that he was subdued +into a caricature of her. He followed her everywhere, could not dine +without her, made her directions his law. When her peculiar doctrines +of the Quietist life, and her fame, had caused a disturbance in the +Church, her enemies circulated scandals about the friends. The +spotless and heavenly-minded woman smiled, and paid no heed to the +wrong. But Father Lacombe, under the combined power of his Quietistic +fanaticism, poor health, bitter persecutions, and relentless +imprisonment, lost the balance of his mind altogether, and died. +Fenelon also, interested in Madame Guion by her genuine piety, and by +sympathy with many of her views, and finding this interest greatly +deepened on personal acquaintance, formed a strong attachment for +her. Convinced of her innocence, and knowing her rare worth, the +misfortunes and sufferings brought on her by her persecutors served +but to redouble his kindness. Her enemies then became his; and they +made him pay dearly for his fidelity, by robbing him of waiting +honors, and throwing him into disgrace at court. + +His friendship for Madame Guion was like that of a guardian angel. It +never failed. One can imagine what her feelings towards him must have +been. Many noble women had a strong friendship for Fenelon. He could +not come into the confiding relations of his office with them without +that result. His face was all intelligence and all harmony; his +voice, music; his manner, fascination; his character, heaven. His +unconscious suavity, his abnegated personality, formed a mighty +magnet; and every soul, with any steel of nobleness in it, fondly +swayed to him. Madame Maintenon gave him, for years, all the +reverence and affection of which her commonplace nature was capable; +and then, at the command of her selfish bigotry, became chilled. The +impassioned and unhappy La Maisonfort, so talented and so beautiful, +whose pathetic story is charged with every element of romance, adored +him. And the Duchess de Chevreuse and the Duchess de Beauvilliers +always paid him an homage whose grace and sweetness the happiest man +that ever lived might well sigh for. To the latter of these queenly +women, then a sorrowing widow, he wrote, in the last letter he +penned, "We shall soon find again that which we have not lost: every +day we approach it with swift strides; yet a little while, and there +will be no more cause for tears." Among the penitents of Bossuet, +there was one--a widow, named Cornuau, to whom the great prelate gave +more of his heart than to any of the rest. In submitting her +spiritual life to his oversight, they were often brought together, +both by letters and by personal interviews. The affectionate docility +and loyalty of the novice won his kind esteem, and the condescending +benignity and greatness of the noble genius kindled her enthusiasm. +And so the opposite ends of the chain of their attachment were +fastened. After displaying exemplary zeal, for fifteen years, in all +the works of duty assigned her, she was permitted to become a nun, +taking the name of Bossuet in addition to the title of Sister Saint +Benigne. Despite her humble origin and the mediocrity of her +intellect, Bossuet preferred her above all the high-born and +brilliant ladies who constantly knelt for his benedictions. It was +only natural, that, notwithstanding the work of grace, she should +sometimes feel jealous. But once, after she had expressed herself +"ready to burst with jealousy" of a certain great lady, whom she +falsely supposed esteemed more than herself by the lofty director, +when the object of her jealousy was smitten with a frightful disease, +Sister Benigne, with sublime self-sacrifice, went to Paris, and +became her nurse; "shut herself up with her, watched over and loved +her." When Bossuet died, La Cornuau, "happily guided by her +friendship, forgetting her own vanity, and mindful only of the fame +of her spiritual father, did more for him, perhaps, than any +panegyrist." She published the two hundred letters he had written to +her, "noble letters, written in profound secrecy, never intended to +see the light, but worthy of exposure to the perusal of the whole +world." + +A friendship, such as we might suppose would be characteristic of +such ecstatic natures, was cherished between the two celebrated +Spanish mystics, Saint Theresa and Saint John of the Cross. The +fullest expressions of it may be found in their respective writings, +now translated into many languages, and easy of access almost +anywhere. Unquestionably there have been very numerous Friendships, +worthy of notice, between clergymen and devout women, in the +Protestant sects. But they are different from those in the Catholic +communion, which has, in this respect, great advantages. In the +Protestant establishment, all are on a free equality; and the +religion is an element fused into the life. With the Catholics, the +overwhelming authority of the Church invests the priests with godlike +attributes; while celibacy detaches their hearts from the home and +family, leaving them ready for other calls. The laity are placed in a +passive attitude, except as to faith and affection, which are more +active for the restrictions applied elsewhere; and religion is +pursued and practised as an art by itself. The church ritual, by its +dramatic contents and movement, peerless in its pathetic, imaginative +power, intensifies and cleanses the passions of those who +appreciatively celebrate or witness it, and who are naturally +attracted together, as, in blended devotional emotions and aims, they +cultivate that supernatural art whose infinite interests make all +earthly concerns appear dwarfed and pale. + +The instances already cited of the friendships thus originating +suffice to indicate the wealth in this kind of experience which must +remain for ever unknown to the public. But one example which has just +been brought to light, and is worthy to rank with the best of earlier +times, should be mentioned here. It is the relation of Madame +Swetchine and the most renowned preacher of our century, Lacordaire. +This friendship has been beautifully portrayed by Montalembert. A +full account of it will be found farther on in these pages. The +friendship that joined the souls, and still links the names, of +Vittoria Colonna and Michael Angelo, is one of the most celebrated in +history. Her married life with the chivalrous and magnificent Marquis +of Pescara, in his palace on the bewitching isle of Ischia, was one +of the most romantically happy unions ever known; and nothing could +be more noble than her impassioned fidelity to his memory. It was in +the twelfth year of her widowhood that she first met with Michael +Angelo, then sixty-three years old. Such were their respective +attributes of personal worth and majesty, rank and fame, exaltation +of character and genius, stainless purity, dignity, earnestness, and +devotion, that they could not fail to regard each other with ardent +esteem. For ten years, till death separated them, this esteem, with a +consequent sympathy and happiness, steadily grew. To her he dedicated +many works of his chisel and his pencil, and addressed several +exquisite poems. + +Their example affords a fine illustration of the sentiment of +Platonic love; and his verses repeatedly give it a rhetorical +expression equally fine. He says, + +Better plea +Love cannot have, than that, in loving thee, +Glory to that eternal Peace is paid, +Who such divinity to thee imparts +As hallows and makes pure all gentle hearts. +His hope is treacherous only whose love dies +With beauty, which is varying every hour. +But in chaste hearts, uninfluenced by the power +Of outward change, there blooms a deathless flower, +That breathes on earth the air of Paradise. + +Vittoria said, "He who admires only the works of Michael Angelo +values the smallest part in him." One of the only two portraits he +ever painted was hers. The aged Angelo stood by the couch of Vittoria +at her death. When the last breath had gone, "he raised her hand, and +kissed it with a sacred respect." It is touching to know, that the +sublime old man, years afterwards, recalling that scene to a friend, +lamented, that, in the awe of the moment, he had refrained from +pressing his lips on those of the sainted Colonna. Hermann Grimm +says, "How great the loss was which he sustained can be realized only +by him who has himself felt the void which the removal of a superior +intellect irretrievably leaves behind it. It must have been to him as +if a long-used, magnificent book, in which he found words suiting +every mood, had been suddenly closed, never to be re-opened. Nothing +can compensate for the loss of a friend who has journeyed with us for +many years, sharing our experiences. Vittoria was the only one who +had ever fully opened her soul to him. What profit could he draw from +the reverence of those who would have ceased to understand him, had +he shown himself as he was in truth? His only consolation was the +thought, that his own career was near its close." + +Among the celebrated French women, who have had a genius and a +passion for friendships, Mademoiselle de Scudery deserves prominent +mention. Her great talents, virtuous character, and affectionate +disposition, made her a favorite in the distinguished society she +frequented. The great Conde, Madame de Longueville, and the other +famous visitors of the Hotel Rambouillet, honored her, and took +delight in her companionship. Her ardent devotion to her friends, her +beautiful and heroic fidelity to them, her chivalrous vein of +sentiment and character, Cousin has illustrated with his minute +learning and generous eloquence. Why Madame de Longueville was in +disgrace with the court party, Mademoiselle de Scudery, with a +fearless and noble constancy, dedicated a book to her, and, in +consequence, lost her pension, and had to write for her bread. For +this her aristocratic friends, instead of forsaking her, admired and +clung to her the more. Her famous work, the "Grand Cyrus," in ten +thick volumes, to which Cousin has brought to light a complete key, +is filled with disguised portraits of her friends and associates, and +with descriptions of the times. + +She draws her own likeness under the name of Sappho. In this work, +the pictures, incidents, and conversations reflect a state of +society, in which "the degrees and shades of friendship, from deep +Platonic love to the slight impression one person makes on another at +first meeting, are the real pre-occupations of existence; the +smallest grace of mind or manner is observed, and of importance; +there is an intense epicurism in companionship; it is both the first +occupation and the greatest pleasure of life." The second edition of +an English translation of the whole ten volumes of the "Grand Cyrus" +was published in London in 1691. The translator, F. G., Esq., +erroneously attributes the authorship to "that famous wit of France, +Monsieur de Scudery, Governour of Nostre-Dame." He confounds the +sister with the brother. It is dedicated to Queen Mary, wife of +William of Orange, in a style of sonorous pomp, worthy of the court +of Nadir Shah. In his preface, F. G. says, "If you ask what the +subject is; 'Tis the Height of Prowess, intermixed with Virtuous and +Heroick Love; consequently the language lofty, and becoming the +Grandeur of the Illustrious Personages that speak; so far from the +least Sully of what may be thought Vain or Fulsom, that there is not +anything to provoke a Blush from the most modest Virgin; while Love +and Honour are in a seeming Contention which shall best instruct the +willing ear with most Delight." In describing the deep and rare +friendships with which the "Grand Cyrus" abounds, Mademoiselle de +Scudery had but to look into her own heart, and make copies from her +experience. Especially might the union of Sappho and Phaon stand for +the picture of her own connection with Pelisson." The exchange of +their thoughts was so sincere that all those in Sappho's mind passed +into Phaon's, and all those in Phaon's came into Sappho's. They told +each other every particular of their lives; and so perfect was their +union, that nothing was ever seen equal to it. Never did love join so +much purity to so much ardor. He wished for nothing beyond the +possession of her heart. They understood each other without words, +and saw their whole hearts in each other's eyes." Pelisson was +twenty-nine, and Mademoiselle de Scudery forty-five, when they first +met. Their instant mutual interest deepened, on more thorough +acquaintance, into the warmest esteem and affection, and remained +unshaken for over forty years. The perfection of their intimacy was +known to every one; and every one believed in its entire purity. +Cousin says it is touching to see these two noble persons made so +happy by their friendship, a friendship which even the coarse and +slanderous Tallement respected so much that he refrained from casting +a single sneer at it. The story of Pelisson's imprisonment in the +Bastile is known to the whole world by the anecdote of the spider. + +His only companion, during those wretched years, was a large spider, +which he had tamed, and was accustomed to feed and play with. One +day, the brute of a jailer trod on him, and killed him; and Passon +wept. His friend employed all her ingenuity, during his confinement, +in inventing means of communication with him. "At times, when he was +ready to fall into despair, a few lines would reach him, and bring +him comfort." At length his prison was opened, and fortune smiled +again. At his death, Mademoiselle de Scudery, though eighty-six years +old, wrote and published a simple and affecting memoir of him, paying +a deserved tribute to his character, in which, she said, there +reigned a singular and most charming combination of tenderness, +delicacy, and generosity. The most constant among the large circle of +admiring friends drawn around Madame de Sevigne by her merits and +charms was a cultivated Italian gentleman named Corbinelli, who lived +in Paris, on a moderate income, asking only leisure, and the +gratification of his high tastes. He was "one of those rare +exceptions who seem created by nature to be the benevolent spectators +of human events, without taking any part in them beyond that of +observation and interest for the actors." He had talents equal to the +greatest achievements, but was indolent and unambitious. + +He was one of the earliest to discern and to proclaim Madame de +Sevigne's exquisite superiority of mind, disposition, and manners, +and to pay reverential court to her. Lamartine gives this account of +the friendship that ensued--an account not less instructive than +interesting: "His admiration, his worship, which sought no return, +gained him admittance to her house, where he was regarded as one of +the family, and became a necessary appendage. Madame de Sevigne, at +first charmed by his wit, afterward touched by his disinterested +attachment, concluded by making him the confidant of her most secret +emotions. Every heart that beats warmly beneath its own bosom seeks +to hear itself repeated in that of another. Corbinelli became the +echo of Madame de Sevigne's mind, soul, and existence. He +participated in her adoration of her daughter. At Paris, he visited +her every day: he sometimes followed her to Livry; and, when absent, +corresponded with her frequently. + +"The dominion which his friend exercised over him was so gentle, that +he experienced no feeling of slavery while submitting 'implicitly to +the rule of her tastes. So absolute was her empire, that, when she +became a devotee, he became a mystic: he followed her, as the +satellite accompanies the planet, from the worldly gayeties of her +youth, even to the foot of the altar, and the ascetic self-denial of +Port-Royal. He survived her, as though he had survived himself, and +lived to the extraordinary age of one hundred and four years, +animated to unusual life by his gentle and amiable feelings. Such was +Madame de Sevigne's principal friend. If his name were erased from +her letters, the monument would be mutilated." La Rochefoucauld, +whose reputation the indignant eloquence of Cousin has so damaged, +was the object of an admiring friendship, of which he was not worthy, +from Madame de Sevigne and Madame de la Fayette. But of all the +friends to whom the ardent, imaginative, faithful heart of Madame de +Sevigne attached itself, no one, after her husband and her daughter, +held so commanding a place as Fouquet, the unfortunate minister of +Louis XIV. Fouquet must have had rare traits, besides his +acknowledged greatness of mind, to have won such a pure and +unconquerable affection. Cast down from power, disgraced, closely +imprisoned for fifteen years in the fortress of Pignerol, scoffed at +by those who had fawned on him in his prosperity, and forgotten by +nearly all whom he had befriended, never did Madame de Sevigne forget +him, or cease, for one day, her efforts to alleviate his condition-- +cheering him with letters, and toiling to secure his liberation. +D'Alembert had a long and sedulously improved friendship with Madame +du Deffand, of whom Henault said, "Friendship was a passion with her; +and no woman ever had more friends, or better deserved them." + +There was a basis for this eulogy; but it needs much qualification. +She and D'Alembert prized each other's society highly, and passed +much time together. But jealousy and exaction are tenacious +occupants, easily recalled to the heart even of an aged and friendly +woman. When D'Alembert formed a closer friendship with Mademoiselle +Lespinasse, the young and charming companion of Madame du Deffand, +the latter imperiously dictated the renunciation of the new friend as +the condition of retaining the old. The superiority of temper, +genius, and worth in Mademoiselle Lespinasse did not permit +D'Alembert to hesitate; and she repaid him with memorable fidelity. +The affectionate and dependent girl was harshly driven out. In her +anguish, she took laudanum, but not with a fatal result. D'Alembert +then called Du Deffand an old viper; but his friend checked him, and +would never allow any abuse of her former mistress, much less herself +indulge in vituperation of her. When D'Alembert was attacked by a +malignant fever, she went to his bedside, and nursed him day and +night till he was convalescent. Marmontel says, "Malice itself never +assailed their pure and innocent intimacy." She afterwards formed an +attachment, of the most romantic character, to the young Spanish +Marquis de Mora, who reciprocated her affection with impassioned +ardor. He died while on the road to join her; and she was not long in +following him into the grave, though, in the mean time, a still +stronger passion for Guibert had weaned her from D'Alembert. The +fervent tenderness of the latter for her remained unaltered, and he +was inconsolable at her departure. On hearing of her death, Madame du +Deffand said, "Had she only died fifteen years earlier, I should not +have lost D'Alembert." Her letters are famous in the literature of +love. Sir James Mackintosh says, "They are, in my opinion, the truest +picture of deep passion ever traced by a human being." Margaret +Fuller writes, "I am swallowing by gasps that cauldrony beverage of +selfish passion and morbid taste, the letters of Lespinasse. It is +good for me. The picture, so minute in its touches, is true as +death." Madame de Stael had many devoted friendships, as would +naturally be expected from the overwhelming wealth and ardor of her +nature. Affinity of genius and a common love of liberty drew Benjamin +Constant and her into intimate relations; and she maintained for +years still closer relations with the all-knowing, all-cultured +August Schlegel, whose devouring egotism and ever-sensitive vanity +put all her patience and generosity to the proof. + +The current opinion concerning Madame de Stael, that she was an +exacting and disagreeable woman, is unjust. Schiller, who shrank from +her impetuous eloquence, and Heine, whose reckless satire depicts her +as going through Europe, a whirlwind in petticoats, both do her +wrong. William von Humboldt, who knew her well, pronounces a glowing +eulogy on her exalted traits, and says that Goethe, from prejudice +and ignorance, was very unjust to her. Madame Mole says, "Women are +not half grateful enough to Madame de Stael for the honor she +conferred upon her sex by taking up the noble side of every question, +armed with her pen and her eloquence, and never once calculating what +the consequences might be. As time goes on, and details sink into +insignificance, she will rise as the grand figure who withstood +Bonaparte at the head of six hundred thousand men, with Europe at his +back. His vanity was such that he could not bear one woman should +refuse to praise him; for that was her only guilt." She was capable +of the utmost magnanimity and disinterestedness. Every exalted +sentiment struck a powerful chord in her heart. She lived in justice, +freedom, beneficence, love, aspiration. The friendship of Matthieu de +Montmorency, the most intimate and devoted of all her friends, is +enough to prove her exalted worth, making every abatement for her +acknowledged foibles. This chivalrous nobleman came, in his youth, to +America with Lafayette, and fought for the new Republic. Although one +of the foremost members of the aristocracy, it was on his motion in +the Constituent Assembly that the privileges of the nobility were +abolished. Sympathy in opinions and in the generous strain of their +characters was the basis of a connection between him and Madame de +Stael, that constantly grew in strength with the trials to which it +was subjected, and was not severed even by death. When his brother, +ardently loved, fell under the axe of the Revolution, it was her +delicate sympathy, her ingenious and indefatigable goodness, that +first soothed his anguish, assuaged the horror that threatened his +reason, and prepared the way for religion and peace. And in turn, +when she was exiled by Napoleon, Montmorency journeyed to Switzerland +to visit her, at the risk of being banished himself, as he +immediately was. "Matthieu, the friend of twenty years, is the most +faultless being I have ever known." "How could he think I should +tarry in Germany, when, by leaving it, I had a chance of seeing him? +All Germany could not pay me for the loss of two days of his +society." No unkindness, suspicion, or ignobleness of any sort, ever +interrupted or mixed in the affection of these high friends. When +Montmorency died, suddenly, in church, years after the death of +Madame de Stael, the daughter of the latter, the Duchess de Broglie, +instinctively exclaimed, on hearing of the event, "Ah, my God! I seem +to see the grief of my poor mother." The prejudice in England and +America against friendships between men and women has operated +considerably to lessen their frequency, still more to keep them from +public attention when they do exist. Undoubtedly, many a charming +English woman, many a charming American woman, in her time the centre +of the social circles of fashion, letters, and politics, has been +surrounded by a company of friends as devoted at heart as those who +have gathered with more public homage about the famous dames of +France and Germany. Such groups will be called to mind by the English +names of Mrs. Montagu, Lady Melbourne, Lady Holland; the American +names of Mrs. Madison, Mrs. Hamilton, Mrs. Seaton, Mrs. Schuyler, and +many others. But, since, with the most of these latter, the details +have not been taken from the category of private property, by +publications of memoirs and journals, it would be impertinent to +single them out for personal mention, even where it is possible. + +Magdalen Herbert, mother of George Herbert, befriended Dr. Donne in +his distresses, ministering to the wants of his family with generous +delicacy, and comforting him by her society. His discernment of her +wit and piety, her gracious and noble disposition, combined with his +gratitude to make him her fast and fervent friend. His conversation, +together with that of Bishop Andrews, whose renown Clarendon and +Milton unite to swell, appears to have given Lady Herbert great +delight. Lasting evidence of the impression her character and +kindness made on him is found in his verses and letters addressed to +her, and in the funeral sermon which, with many tears, he preached +for her. He says in verse, in her advancing age, + +No spring nor summer beauty has such grace +As I have seen on an autumnal face. + +And he gratefully writes to her in his quaint prose, "Your favors to +me are everywhere. I use them and have them. I enjoy them at London +and leave them there, and yet find them at Mitcham. Such riddles as +these become things inexpressible; and such is your goodness." There +was a choice, ever-comforting, and sacred friendship between the +great John Locke and the excellent Lady Damaris Masham, the only +daughter of that ornament of the English Church, the learned and +benignant Cudworth. + +She was one of the most gifted, cultivated, and elegant women of her +time. The genius and moral worth of Locke are well known to all. +Domesticated in the family of Lady Masham for many years before his +death, giving her all the advantage of his talents, acquirements, and +sympathy, "she returned the obligation with singular benevolence and +gratitude, always treating him with the utmost generosity and +respect; for she had an inviolable friendship for him." She watched +by him in his last illness. He asked her to read a psalm to him. As +death approached, he desired her to break off reading, and in a few +minutes breathed his closing breath. She wrote the fine sketch of his +character published in the "Historical Dictionary." She says his +manners made him very agreeable to all sorts of people, and nobody +was better received than he among those of the highest rank. "His +greatest amusement was to talk with sensible people, and he courted +their conversation." The amiable, unfortunate Cowper, the most +shrinking and melancholy of men, too gentle and too unworldly for +common companionship, was especially fitted for the soothing +ministrations and the healing sympathy of women. He was dependent on +these friendships, and found his chief happiness in them. But for +them, his career would have been as brief as it was wretched; and his +name, now haloed with such sadly pleasing attractions, would have had +no place in English literature, except in the dark list of madmen and +suicides. Who that has read his matchless lines on his mother's +picture will not bless the good women who shed so many rays of peace +and bliss on his unhappy lot. His cousin, the angelic Lady Hesketh, +whose disinterested tenderness lavished grateful attentions on him, +with a sweet skill that failed neither in his youth nor in his age, +was as a light from heaven on his path through the whole journey. +Some touching verses, and innumerable references in his letters, +attest his appreciation of her. Mrs. Throckmorton and her husband, in +whose grounds he loved to walk, and in whose kindly and refined +society he spent so many delightful hours, furnished a healthy relief +from the gloom of his austere religion, in the atmosphere of their +genial catholicity; and were an invaluable comfort and benefit to +him. Lady Austen also, a sprightly and accomplished woman, of +intellectual tastes, quick sympathies, and charming manners, whose +appearance at Olney "added fresh plumes to the wings of time," was at +one period an inexpressible blessing to him. "Lady Austen's +conversation acted on Cowper's mind as the harp of David on the +troubled spirit of Saul." He christened her "Sister Ann," and wrote +cordial verses to her. Constant communications with her withdrew his +attention from depressing superstitions, and enlivened his spirits. +At her suggestion it was, and under her sustaining encouragement, +that he composed the immortal ballad of "John Gilpin," the "Dirge for +the Royal George," and his greatest work, "The Task." Love being +proscribed by his repeated subjection to insanity, friendship was the +resource in which he was thrice fortunate. + +Far above all others in the number of his female friends, in +importance, must be ranked Mary Unwin, whose name is indissolubly +joined with his in the memories of all who are familiar with his +plaintive story. Mrs. Unwin, wife of a clergyman, religious after the +most scrupulous evangelical type, was first drawn to Cowper by a +sectarian interest. They were fated to be friends, as by the striking +of a die. "That woman," he soon wrote to Lady Hesketh, "is a blessing +to me; and I never see her without being the better for her company." +This is the secret of the charm of all true friendship--that it +soothes the heart, clarifies the mind, heightens the soul. One feels +so much the better for it. Almost penniless as he was, a shiftless +manager, assailed by terrible depression and even madness, the Unwins +took him under their roof, and gave him a home on the most generous +terms. From this time until her death, the friendship of Mary was a +necessity to Cowper, the greatest support and enjoyment the hapless +poet knew, combining with his native humor and gentleness to combat +his melancholy malady with frequent and long victories. In his fits +of insanity, she watched and waited on him day and night, defying +alike personal hardships and the slanderous remarks of the vile. The +only drawback on Cowper's indebtedness to Mrs. Unwin was her jealous +wish to restrict him to the society of her own sect of religionists, +that harrowing type of piety represented by John Newton. Otherwise, +he might have enjoyed much more frequent and prolonged periods of +what he cheerily characterized as "absences of Mr. Blue-devil." Lady +Hesketh said of her, "She seems in truth to have no will left on +earth but for his good. How she has supported the constant attendance +she has gone through with the last thirteen years is to me, I +confess, wonderful." Cowper himself said, "It is to her, under +Providence, I owe it that I am alive at all." With a devotion in +which self appeared to be lost, "there she sat, on the hardest and +smallest chair, leaving the best to him, knitting, with the finest +possible needles, stockings of the nicest texture. He wore no others +than of her knitting." After nearly a generation of her fond and +sedulous ministering, repeatedly stricken with paralysis, her mind +decayed, mute, almost blind, as she sat by his side, a pathetic +memento of what she had been, Cowper composed for her that +unsurpassed tribute, his exquisite and imperishable lines, "To Mary": + +The twentieth year has well-nigh past, +Since first our sky was overcast: +Ah! would that this might be our last, +My Mary! + +Thy spirits have a fainter flow: +I see thee daily weaker grow; +'Tis my distress that brought thee low, +My Mary! + +Thy needles, once a shining store, +For my sake restless heretofore, +Now rust, disused, and shine no more, +My Mary! + +Thy indistinct expressions seem +Like language uttered in a dream; +Yet me they charm, whate'er the theme, +My Mary! + +Thy silver locks, once auburn bright, +Are still more lovely in my sight +Than golden beams of orient light, +My Mary! + +Partakers of my sad decline, +Thy hands their little force resign; +Yet, gently prest, press gently mine, +My Mary! + +Yet ah! by constant heed, I know +How oft the sadness that I show +Transforms thy smiles to looks of woe, +My Mary! + +And should my future lot be cast +With much resemblance of the past, +Thy worn-out heart will break at last, +My Mary! + +Lady Hesketh, ever a true angel, came and dwelt with the afflicted +pair. And when Cowper, after four wretched years of separation, +plunged, as he expressed it, in deeps unvisited by any human soul +save his, followed his faithful sister-spirit to a better world, Lady +Hesketh, that model of a third friend, built, in St. Edmund's Chapel, +where he was buried, a monument displaying two tablets, both bearing +poetical inscriptions; one dedicated to William Cowper, the other to +Mary Unwin. The friendship of Garrick and Mrs. Clive is memorable for +its sprightliness, sincerity, unbroken harmony-saving a few momentary +quarrels for relish--long duration, and the large measure of happiness +it yielded. Their correspondence is very entertaining, and reflects +honor on them both. Their talents and virtues contributed in a high +degree to adorn and elevate the profession to which they belonged. It +is an interesting fact, equally creditable to all the parties, that +"Pivy," as they affectionately called Kittie Clive, was as dear to +the excellent Mrs. Garrick as to her brilliant husband. The +friendship of David Garrick was also one of the most delightful +features in the life of the admirable Hannah More. A letter written +by Hannah on seeing him play Lear, greatly pleased him, and led to +their acquaintance. Acquaintance soon ripened into a warm esteem, and +produced a friendship of the most cordial--and intimate character, +which lasted until death. He declared that the nine muses had taken +up their residence in her mind; and both in his conversation and his +letters he constantly called her "Nine." One day when she and +Johnson, and a few others, were at table with the Garricks, David +read to the company her Sir Eldred, with such inimitable feeling that +the happy authoress burst into tears. Friendship filled a large space +in the life of Hannah More, administering incalculable strength in +her labors, joy in her successes, comfort in her afflictions. It has +left its memorials in the records of a host of visits, gifts, +letters, poems, dedications. Her correspondence with Sir William +Pepys shows what an invaluable resource a wise, pure, comprehensive +friendship is in the life of a thoughtful woman. Bishop Porteus +bequeathed her a legacy of a hundred pounds. She consecrated an urn +to him near her house with an inscription in memory of his long and +faithful friendship. Mr. Turner, of Belmont, to whom she was for six +years betrothed, but broke off the engagement after he had three +times postponed the appointed wedding-day, always retained the +highest esteem for her, and left her a thousand pounds at his death. +She also maintained a most friendly relation, as long as his +increasing habit of intemperance allowed it, with her early tutor, +Langhorne, the translator of Plutarch. On occasion of an anticipated +visit from her, Langhorne wrote a very pretty poem, beginning, + +Blow, blow, my sweetest rose! +For Hannah More will soon be here; +And all that crowns the ripening year +Should triumph where she goes. + +Joanna Baillie and Sir Walter Scott were deeply attached friends. +United by a generous admiration for genius, by esteem for exalted +worth and by community of tastes, they were drawn still more closely +together by many mutual kindnesses, visits, and frequent +correspondence. A copy of Scott's "Marmion," fresh from the press, +was placed in Joanna's hands. She cut the leaves and began to read it +aloud to a small circle of friends, when she suddenly came upon the +following magnificent and electrifying tribute to herself: + +Or, if to touch such chord be thine, +Restore the ancient tragic line, +And emulate the notes that rung +From the wild harp that silent hung +By silver Avon's holy shore +Till twice an hundred years rolled o'er; +When she, the bold enchantress, came +With fearless hand and heart in flame, +From the pale willow snatched the treasure, +And swept it with a kindred measure, +Till Avon's swans, while rung the grove +With Monfort's hate and Basil's love, +Awakening at the inspired strain, +Deemed their own Shakespeare lived again! + +Joanna, though taken by surprise, read on in a firm voice, till she +observed the uncontrollable emotion of a friend by her side. Then she +too gave way. It is delightful to partake by sympathy in so generous +a gift of joy. What a pity it is that such a loving magnanimity as +that of glorious Sir Walter is not more frequent among authors! The +chief advantage of Fox over Pitt consisted in the fascinating +demonstrativeness of his heart and manners. This won him hosts of +idolizing friends, foremost among whom were many of the choicest +ladies of the kingdom. + +Pre-eminent among these were the two dazzlingly lovely women, ardent +friends of each other too, Mrs. Catherine Crewe and Georgiana +Cavendish, Duchess of Devonshire. They were indefatigable in +canvassing for him. On one occasion, when the conflict for votes was +intense, a butcher offered to vote for Fox on condition that the +Duchess of Devonshire would allow him a kiss. The enthusiastic +canvasser, perhaps the most beautiful woman then living, granted it +amid deafening cheers. Nor was Mrs. Crewe less efficient. At a +private banquet in honor of Fox's triumph, the Prince of Wales gave +as a toast, "True Blue, and Mrs. Crewe." She gave in return, "True +Blue, and all of you." The Duchess of Devonshire exerted all her +powers, though in vain, to reconcile Burke with Fox, after their +quarrel. On the death of Fox, she wrote a poetic tribute to his +memory. Dr. Beattie, author of "The Minstrel," so many of whose +touching lines have rung through souls of sensibility and are +familiar to all lovers of poetry--such, for example, as, + +Ah, who can tell how hard it is to climb +The steep where Fame's proud temple shines afar: +Ah, who can tell how many a soul sublime +Has felt the influence of malignant star, +And with inglorious fortune waged eternal war! + +enjoyed a delightful friendship with the Duchess of Gordon. He spent +the happiest hours of his saddened life at her castle, in the +enjoyment of her unvarying kindness. He sent her books; they +exchanged letters; and in all the brilliant whirl of her life as a +reigning beauty, an ardent politician, and a leader of fashion, she +fully appreciated his worth, and reciprocated his attentions and +esteem until his death. + +A friendship of an uncommon character, containing the elements of a +romance, has left a monument of itself in two volumes, called +"Letters of William Von Humboldt to a Female Friend." Humboldt, then +an undergraduate at Goettingen, during one of his vacations spent +three days at Pyrmont. Much of this time he passed in the society of +a lovely and very superior young lady who was staying there with her +father. Each was deeply interested in the other, without suspecting +that the feeling was mutual. On parting, Humboldt gave his fair +friend an album-leaf as a memento. The image of the fascinating +student was indelibly impressed on her imagination, a centre of ideal +activity and accumulation. So, it afterwards seemed, was her image +left in his imagination. Twenty-six years passed in absence and +silence. Humboldt had become famous and prominent, and was blessed +with a happy family. Charlotte had been married, and was now a +childless widow. Deprived of her parents, her husband, her property, +she was overwhelmed with misfortunes. Her large property having been +devoted to the State, it occurred to her that her old friend, of the +three youthful days at Pyrmont, now a minister of the king, might +assist her to recover, at least a portion of it, or at all events +give her valuable advice as to what to do. She gathered courage to +write him a letter, enclosing his old album-leaf, recalling their +early meeting, telling how sacredly the memory of him had been +enshrined in her soul, and begging him to counsel and console her in +her great distress. The character of the letter was such, revealing a +spirit so rich, high, and pure, that the generous nature of Humboldt +was much moved. He at once replied with great kindness and wisdom, +and with oars of practical aid. Thus began a correspondence which +lasted until his death, twenty years later, during the whole of which +period they only met twice for a brief time. Charlotte's portion of +the correspondence, which is clot published--so affectionately +reverential, so transparently sincere and trustful, evidently gave +the great scholar and statesman extreme pleasure, a most varied +stimulus. His letters reveal the fragrant warmth of his heart, the +rare virtues and treasures of his soul, his saintly wisdom, in a most +attractive manner. They were prized by Charlotte as the religion and +sanctuary of her existence, and left to be given to the world as a +holy bequest after her death. An interesting fact in the character of +Charlotte, often noticed in these letters, and full of fruits in her +life, is that she always had an intense desire to have a friend in +the fullest sense of the word--a desire which was early heightened by +the repeated enthusiastic perusal of Richardson's "Clarissa Harlowe." +This dream had many partial realizations--the most complete and +lasting in Humboldt. Rarely has any relation of individuals been so +original, and awakened so much interest, as that between Goethe and +his child-friend Bettine. In publishing their correspondence, many +years after its close, Bettine prefaces it with the remark: "This +book is for the good, and not for the bad." She foresaw how the bad +would misinterpret it, yet felt that she could afford to defy their +incompetent construal. She loved Goethe to idolatry--her whole soul +vibrating beneath the power of the possession; but the ideality of +the passion, in her naive and spontaneous nature, was a perfect +safeguard from evil. Under this spell, all her rich, unquestioning +ardors of reverence and fondness were as sacredly guided as the +movements of Mignon, dancing blindfold amidst the eggs, with never a +false step. Goethe's conduct towards the trustful and impassioned +girl was exceedingly discreet, in its mingled kindness and wisdom. He +felt the sweetness of her worship; he guarded her, as a father would, +from its dangers. But, above all, he was profoundly interested in the +spectacle of her young, original, unveiled soul. The electric soil of +her brain teemed with a miraculous efflorescence, on which he never +tired of gazing. It was to him like sitting apart in some still +place, and watching the secret forces and workings of nature, +reflected in a small mirror. Thus Bettine writes from the strange +fullness of her mind, in mystic language, to Goethe's mother: "Would +that I sat, a beggar-child, before his door, and took a piece of +bread from his hand, and that he knew, by my glance, of what spirit I +am the child. Then would he draw me nigh to him, and cover me with +his cloak, that I might be warm. I know he would never bid me go +again. I should wander in the house, and no one would know who I was +nor whence I came; and years would pass, and life would pass, and in +his features the whole world would be reflected to me, and I should +not need to learn any thing more." And Goethe replies, "Your dear +letters bestow on me so much that is delightful, that they may justly +precede all else: they give me a succession of holidays, whose return +always blesses me anew. Write to me all that passes in your mind. +Farewell. Be ever near me, and continue to refresh me." Mont Blanc +stoops, with all his snows, to kiss the rosy vale nestling at his +feet. Goethe, in the course of his life, stood in the most intimate +relations with a large number of the rarest women. Few men have ever +appreciated female character so well. No one has exhibited their +virtues, and pleaded their cause with a more impressive combination +of insight, sympathy, and veneration. + +His many sins towards women deserve severe condemnation and rebuke; +but it is an outrageous wrong towards his noble genius to limit +attention, as so many critics do, to that aspect of the case. The +wondering love and study which Frederike, Lili, and others drew from +him; the religious admiration and awed curiosity evoked in him by the +spiritual Fraulein von Klettenburg, "over whom," as he said, "in her +invalid loneliness, the Holy Ghost brooded like a dove;" the +respectful affection, gratitude, and homage commanded by the +extraordinary merits of his lofty and endeared friends, the Duchess +Amelia, and the Grand Duchess Louise--all bore fruits in his +experience and his works. The revelations they made, the examples +they set, the lessons they taught, the noble suggestions they +kindled, re-appear in the series of enchanting, glorious, adorable +women--Gretchen, Natalia, Ottilia, Iphigenia, Makaria, and the rest-- +who, with their artless affection, their self-renouncement, their +wisdom, their dignity, their holiness, their sufferings, appear in +his master-works, breathing presentments of life, for the edification +and delight of generations of readers. He has recognized, more +profoundly than any other author, the essentially feminine form of +that divine principle of disinterested love, that impulse of pure +self-abnegation, in which resides the redemptive power of humanity; +and has set it forth with incomparable clearness and constancy. At +the close of Faust, he has given it statement in a form which +associates his genius with that of Dante, and in a kindred height. It +is the womanly element, he would say, worshipful and self-denying +love, that draws us ever forward, redeeming and uplifting our grosser +souls:-- + +Das ewig weibliche +Zieht uns hinan. + +Wieland and Sophia de la Roche were profoundly attached to each other +during the greater part of their lives. He and his beloved wife were +buried beside her; and a tasteful monument erected over them, according +to his orders. It bears the inscription, in German, composed by himself:-- + +Love and Friendship joined these kindred souls in life, +And their mortal part is covered by this common stone. + +Hoelderlin, whose soaring and fiery soul was caged in too exquisite +an organization, lived, for some time, when he first became sick, +in a peasant's hut, beside a brook, sleeping with open doors, +spending hours, every day, reciting Greek poems to the murmur of the +stream. The princess of Homburg, who greatly admired his genius, +and his deep, pure sentiment, had made him a present of a grand +piano. In the coming-on of his madness he cut most of the strings. +On the few keys that still sounded he continued to fantasy until +his insanity grew so engrossing, that it was necessary to remove +him to an asylum. Silvio Pellico, the story of whose sufferings in +the prison of Spielberg, has carried his plaintive memory into all +lands, and the Marchioness Giulia di Barolo were a pair of friends +brought together as by a special appointment of Heaven. + +When the holy and gentle poet, patriot, and Christian came +out of his prison, with a broken constitution and a wounded heart, +into a bleak and prizeless world, the Marchioness--who had long been +a mother to the poor of her native city, an assiduous visitor of the +jails, a saintly benefactress to all the unhappy whom her charities +could reach--drawn to him by a strong interest of respect and pity, +gave him a home in her house, and supplied him with congenial +employment. Pellico gratefully appreciated her goodness to him, and +deeply reverenced her worth. In works of religion and beneficence +their lives moved on. He began to write a memoir of his friend; but +left it, a fragment, when his lingering consumption brought him to +the grave. The pious friendship of the Marchioness did not end with +his death. On his tomb, in the Campo Santo, at Turin, she placed a +column surmounted by a marble bust, and inscribed with this epitaph +from her own pen: + +Under the weight of the cross +He learned the way to heaven. +Christians pray for him, And follow him. + +The pathetic life, the gentle sweetness of spirit, the mournful end +of Silvio Pellico, are well known to all. The Marchioness di Barolo, +whose name is linked to his in the memory of so pure and benign a +union of friendship, lived the life, died the death, and bequeathed +the renown of a saint. + +She said, "It is a great suffering to have done all in your power for +a person, and to find only ingratitude in return. There is no anger +in this suffering, nor does it necessarily destroy affection; but the +wound is buried deep in the heart; and if it has been inflicted by +one very dearly loved, no human consolation can heal it. The most +profitable education persons receive is the one they give themselves, +through the love of God and labors of charity. I was a great deal +alone in my youth, and I am sure it was good for me." + +Wordsworth's affection for persons, not less than for nature, was +remarkable for its tenacity, the perseverance with which his +attention returned to it, and for the deep, clear consciousness with +which he cherished it. The most beloved of his lady friends was +Isabel Fenwick, who was a frequent visitor at Rydal Mount during the +last twenty years of his life. She wrote, to his dictation, the +autobiographical notes used in the memoir of him. Her admiring and +devoted friendship was evidently a strong inspiration and precious +solace to him. It was for her sake that he built the Level Terrace, +on which he paced to and fro for many an hour, in sight of the valley +of the Rothay and the banks of Lake Windermere. Not many finer +expressions of sentiment are to be found in our tongue than +Wordsworth has given in his sonnet on a portrait of his dear friend +Isabel: + +We gaze, nor grieve to think that we must die. +But that the precious love this friend hath sown +Within our hearts, the love whose flower hath blown +Bright as if heaven were ever in its eye, +Will pass so soon from human memory; +And not by strangers to our blood alone, +But by our best descendants be unknown, +Unthought of this may surely claim a sigh. +Yet, blessed Art, we yield not to dejection, +Thou against time so feelingly dost strive: +Where'er, preserved in this most true reflection, +An image of her soul is kept alive, +Some lingering fragrance of the pure affection, +Whose flower with us will vanish, must survive. + +Charming had many qualities especially fitting him for friendships +with women. His sensitive delicacy of refinement, disinterested +justice, tender magnanimity, earnest culture of every thing beautiful +and true, immaculate purity of soul, and burning ideal enthusiasm, +made him feel most joyfully at home with women of enlarged +sympathies, well-trained minds, and noble aspirations. He was too +shrinking, fastidious, devout, to enjoy intercourse with the rough, +hard average of society. + +His diffidence, depression, and loneliness, were soothed and +alleviated, his noblest powers inspired, by affectionate communion +with several of the choicest women of his time. "To them," his +biographer says, "he could freely unveil his native enthusiasm, his +fine perceptions of fitness, his love of beauty in nature and art, +his romantic longings for a pure-toned society, his glorious hopes of +humanity. And his profound reverence for the nature and duty of women +gave that charm of unaffected courtesy to his manner, look, and tone, +which won them freely to exchange their cherished thoughts as with an +equal." The following extract from one of his letters to a woman, +whose solemn depth of soul and mind, and wondrous range of +acquirements and experience rank her with the very greatest of her +sex, Harriet Martineau, is an exceedingly interesting revelation: + +"MY DEAR FRIEND, I thought I had spoken my last word to you on this +side the Atlantic; but I have this moment received your letter, and +must write a line of acknowledgment. I know, from my own experience, +that there are those who need the encouragement of praise. There are +more than is thought who feel the burden of human imperfection too +sorely, and who receive strength from approbation. Happy they who +from just confidence in right action, and from the habit of carrying +out their convictions, need little foreign support. I thank you for +this expression of your heart. Without the least tendency to +distrust, without the least dejection at the idea of neglect, with +entire gratitude for my lot, I still feel that I have not the power, +which so many others have, of awakening love, except in a very narrow +circle. I knew that I enjoyed your esteem; but I expected to fade +with my native land, not from your thoughts, but from your heart. +Your letter satisfies me that I shall have one more friend in +England. I shall not feel far from you, for what a nearness is there +in the consciousness of working in the same spirit!" The friendship +between Channing and Lucy Aikin, as seen in the rich series of her +letters to him, extending over a period of sixteen years, must have +been a valued resource, enjoyment, and stimulus to them both. An +extract or two will make the reader regret that relations charged +with such priceless blessings are not more cultivated. "To converse +with my guide, philosopher, and friend, has now become with me not a +mere indulgence, but a want. I daily discover more and more how much +I have come under the influence of your mind, and what great things +it has done, and I trust is still doing, for mine. I was never duly +sensible, till your writings made me so, of the transcendent beauty +and sublimity of Christian morals; nor did I submit my heart and +temper to their chastening and meliorating influences. In particular, +the spirit of unbounded benevolence, which they breathe, was a +stranger to my bosom: far indeed was I from looking upon all men as +my brethren. I shudder now to think how good a hater I was in the +days of my youth. Time and reflection, a wider range of acquaintance, +and a calmer state of the public mind, mitigated by degrees my +bigotry; but I really knew not what it was to open my heart to the +human race, until I had drunk deeply into the spirit of your +writings. You have given me a new being. May God reward you!" At +another time she writes, "O my dear friend, I was told yesterday that +you had been very, very ill; and though it was added that you were +now better, I have been able to think of little else since. What +would I give to know how you are at this moment! The distance which +separates us has something truly fearful in such circumstances." + +"Never, my friend, are you forgotten, when my soul seeks communion +with our common Father; and when I strive most earnestly to overcome +some evil propensity, or to make some generous sacrifice, the thought +of you gives me strength not my own." + +There is something especially attractive, solacing, and noble in such +a relation as the foregoing. It covers a large class of friendships +existing between Protestant clergymen and the women who, blessed by +their instructions and personal interest, have formed an attachment +to them of grateful reverence and sympathy. Such an attachment is +often a communication of profit and pleasure most precious to both +parties. + +Several instances are recorded in the memoirs of Theodore Parker. His +friendship with Miss Frances Power Cobbe is particularly worthy of +notice. She wrote her gratitude to him for the benefits her mind had +derived from his writings. Gratefully appreciating her worth and high +aims, he continued to correspond with her by letter until his death. +How cordial their relation became; what kind deeds went across it; +what delights it yielded; what a deep and pure blessing of +encouragement, joy, and peace it was to them both--appears in the few +letters given to the public. When they first met, the titanic toiler, +outworn with his cares and battles, was at the edge of death. "Do +not," said the expiring athlete, "do not say what you feel for me; it +makes me too unhappy to leave you." During those lingering days of +transition from the earthly state to the heavenly, he dared not trust +himself to see her often. As he said, "it made his heart swell too +high." A class of friendships of extreme moral value, and often of +great attractiveness, results from the relations of noble and royal +women with the scholars and philosophers chosen to serve them as +tutors or advisers. The names of Zenobia and Longinus give us an +example of it in antiquity. If the annals of the crowned houses of +Europe, imperial and provincial, were searched with reference to this +point, a large number of admirable instances would be brought to +light. On the one side power, rank, grace, patronage, every courtly +charm; on the other side, learning, experience, gratitude, devoted +service, eminent personal worth--could not fail in many instances to +give birth to the most cordial esteem, and lead to a charming +intercourse. Such was the case with both Wieland and Herder, and +those queenly ladies, the Duchess Mother and the reigning Duchess of +the court of Weimar. The relation between Columbus and Queen +Isabella, after her chivalrous confidence and patronage--must have +drawn their souls towards each other with a romantic interest, only +needing better opportunities for personal intimacy to warm into a +fervent sympathy. + +The Countess of Pembroke, wife of that Philip Herbert who was the +brother of Shakespeare's friend, showed how tenderly she remembered +her old instructor, Daniel, the poet-laureate, by erecting a handsome +monument to him in Beckington Church, bearing this inscription: "Here +lies, expecting the second coming of our Lord and Saviour Jesus +Christ, the dead body of Samuel Daniel, Esq., who was tutor to the +Lady Anne Clifford in her youth. She was that daughter and heir to +George Clifford, Earl of Cumberland, who, in gratitude to him, +erected this monument to his memory, a long time after, when she was +Countess Dowager of Pembroke, Dorset, and Montgomery." One of the +most beautiful recorded friendships of this kind is that revealed in +the long correspondence of Descartes and his pupil, the Princess +Elizabeth of Bohemia. Her charming character and distinguished +attainments add largely to the gratification with which we trace her +ardent esteem and attachment for her instructor and friend, whose +brilliant genius and adventurous career are of themselves +fascinating. A pleasing little volume by M. de Caren was published at +Paris so lately as the year 1862, under the title, "Descartes and the +Princess Palatine, or the Influence of Cartesianism on the Women of +the Seventeenth Century." An example of a kindred friendship is also +given by Leibnitz and his pupil, Caroline of Brunswick. Soon after +the electoress became Queen of Prussia, she invited him to visit her, +saying, "Think not that I prefer this greatness and this crown, about +which they make such a bustle here, to the conversations on +philosophy we have had together in Lutzenburg." Frederick the Great +relates that the queen, in her last hours, mentioned the name of +Leibnitz. One of the ladies in waiting burst into tears, and the +queen said to her, "Weep not for me; for I am now going to satisfy my +curiosity respecting the origin of things, which Leibnitz has never +been able to explain to me, respecting space, existence and non- +existence, and the Infinite." Frederick adds, that, as "those persons +to whom Heaven vouchsafes gifted souls raise themselves to an +equality with monarchs, this queen esteemed Leibnitz well worthy of +her friendship." The philosopher was affected deeply and long by the +loss of her who had been his closest and best friend. He wrote, being +absent at the time, to one of her favorite maids, who was also a +friend of his own, "I infer your feelings from mine. I weep not; I +complain not; but I know not where to look for relief. The loss of +the queen appears to me like a dream; but when I awake from my +revery, I find it too true. Your misfortune is not greater than mine; +but your feelings are more lively, and you are nearer to the +calamity. This encourages me to write, begging you to moderate your +sorrow. It is not by excessive grief that we shall best honor the +memory of one of the most perfect princesses of the earth; but rather +by our admiration of her virtues. My letter is more philosophical +than my heart, and I am unable to follow my own counsel: it is, +notwithstanding, rational." Ascham relates, in his "Schoolmaster," a +conversation he once held with Lady Jane Grey. She said that the +sports of the gentlemen and ladies in the park were but a shadow of +pleasure compared with that which she found in reading Plato. And, in +explaining how she came to take such delight in learning, she said, +"One of the benefits that ever God gave me is that he sent so sharp +and severe parents, and so gentle a schoolmaster. For when I am in +presence of either father or mother, whether I speak, keep silence, +sit, stand, or go, eat, drink, be merry, or sad, be sewing, playing, +or dancing, or any thing else, I must do it, as it were, in such +weight, measure, and number, even so perfectly, as God made the +world; or else I am so sharply taunted, so cruelly threatened; yea, +presently sometimes, with pinches, nips, bobs, and other ways, which +I will not name, for the honor I bear them, so without measure +misordered that I think myself in hell, till time come that I must go +to Mr. Elmer, who teaches me so gently, so pleasantly, with such fair +allurements to learning, that I think all the time nothing while I am +with him." Elizabeth Robinson, afterwards the famous Mrs. Montague, +the attracting centre of a noted and memorable association of +friends, both men and women, had an exemplary friendship, full of +good offices and pleasure, and undisturbed by any thing until death, +with her preceptor, the distinguished scholar and writer, Conyers +Middleton. Hester Lynch Salusbury, at thirteen, formed a most +affectionate attachment to Dr. Collier, a guest of her father, who +had volunteered to supervise her education. "He was just four times +my age; but the difference or agreement never crossed my mind. A +friendship more tender, or more unpolluted by interest or by vanity, +never existed. Love had no place at all in the connection, nor had he +any rival but my mother." The young Hester afterwards became the +famous Mrs. Thrale, to all the varied incidents of whose long and +close friendship with Dr. Johnson the world-Wide renown of that great +man has given a universal publicity. The relation of patroness, +sustained with such signal grace and generosity, and with such +soothing and inspiring effect, by many queenly ladies in former +times, is virtually obsolete now. But it has left memorials never to +die; and it is hard to imagine any office which at this day should be +more grateful and gracious, more full of happiness and good to a +woman of noble heart and mind, blessed with position, wealth, and +culture, than that of extending appreciative sympathy, aid, and +encouragement, to young men of genius, in their unbefriended, early +struggles. It has been strikingly said by that noble woman, Sarah +Austin, with reference to Madame Recamier, "All who were admitted to +her intimacy, hastened to her with their joys and their sorrows, +their projects and ideas; certain not only of secrecy and discretion, +but of the warmest and readiest sympathy. If a man had the rough +draught of a book, a speech, a picture, an enterprise, in his head, +it Was to her that he unfolded his half-formed plan, sure of an +attentive and sympathizing listener. This is one of the peculiar +functions of women. It is incalculable what comfort and encouragement +a kind and wise woman may give to timid merit, what support to +uncertain virtue, what wings to noble aspirations." Chaucer was thus +patronized by Philippa, queen of Edward III; by Anne of Bohemia, for +whom he composed his "Legend of Good Women;" and most of all by +Blanche of Lancaster, wife of John of Gaunt, whose courtship he +celebrated allegorically in the "Parliament of Birds," whose +epithalamium he sang in his "Dream," and whose death he lamented in +his "Book of the Duchess." The beautiful and kindly Lady Venetia +Digby patronized and befriended Ben Jonson. The attentions of so fair +and gentle a creature as she was, according to the description of her +in his two poems, called, "The Picture of the Body," and "The Picture +of the Mind,"--could not have been otherwise than most soothing, +grateful, and inspiring to him. She was found dead in her bed one +morning, her cheek resting on her hand. + +She past away +So sweetly from the world, as if her clay +Laid only down to slumber. + +Jonson dedicated to her memory the imperishable tribute of his heart +in a long poem made up of ten parts. The ninth part is inscribed, +"Elegy on my Muse, the truly honored Lady Venetia Digby, who, living, +gave me leave to call her so." These lines are from it: + +There time that I died too, now she is dead, +Who was my Muse, and life of all I said, +The spirit that I wrote with and conceived +All that was good or great with me, she weaved, +And set it forth: the rest were cobwebs fine, +Spun out in name of some of the old Nine, +To hang a window or make dark the room +Till, swept away, they were cancelled with a broom. + +Lucy, the Countess of Bedford, was likewise a great friend of Ben +Jonson. He has sung her worth in one of the most magnificent of his +shorter poems. She was also a kind and fast friend of Daniel and +Donne, both of whom wrote verses in her honor. But Jonson vastly +distanced them both. Exquisite and sublime as his praise was, it was +agreed, by those who knew her, that she fully deserved it. It is a +luxury to recall such a tribute: + +This morning, timely rapt with holy fire, +I thought to form unto my zealous Muse +What kind of creature I could most desire +To honor, serve, and love; as poets use, +I meant to make her fair and free and wise, +Of greatest blood, and yet more good than great; +I meant the day-star should not brighter rise, +Nor lend like influence from his lucent seat. +I meant she should be courteous, facile, sweet, +Hating that solemn vice of greatness, pride: +I meant each softest virtue there should meet, +Fit in that softer bosom to reside. +Only a learned and a manly soul +I purposed her, that should, with even powers, +The rock, the spindle, and the shears, control, +Of Destiny, and spin her own free hours. +Such when I meant to feign, and wished to see, +My Muse bade, BEDFORD write, and that was She. + +Milton had many qualities and tastes fitting him to be the delight of +female society, and to delight in it. His natural bent for all the +delicacies of sentiment, for every fine and high range of character, +thought, and passion, has strewn many choice expressions of itself in +his writings, and sprinkles his poems with eulogistic allusions to +the virtues and charms of womanhood. These have too much escaped the +popular notice, which has fastened on the numerous stinging +utterantes wrung from certain bitter passages of his experience. +Scores of critics have dwelt on the terrible traits he has given to +Delilah in "Samson Agonistes," where one has called attention to the +breathing emotion, the celestial coloring, the ineffable sweetness +and grandeur he has lavished on the Lady in "Comus." For imperishable +monuments of his friendships with the selectest women of that age, +behold his Italian lines to Leonora Baroni, his sonnets "To a +Virtuous Young Lady," "To the Lady Margaret Ley," "To the Memory of +Mrs. Catharine Thomson," and the record of his long and unbroken +intimacy with the admirable and all-accomplished Countess Ranclagh, +of whom he said, "She was to me in the place of every want." + +The Duchess of Queensbury was the unfailing friend and encourager of +Gay. When Gay died, she eloquently rebuked the vitriolic Swift, for +expressing the heartless sentiment, that a lost friend might be +replaced as well as spent money. Madame Rambouillet was the friend of +Voiture; Madame Sabliere of La Fontaine. Hundreds of similar examples +might easily be gathered. Few of the French literary men of the +seventeenth or the eighteenth century led those disorderly and +disreputable lives which were the calamity and the disgrace of most +of the professed writers of England at that time. Madame Mole justly +observes, "They owed their exemption from these miseries chiefly to +the women, who, from the earliest days of French literature, gave +them all the succor they could; bringing them into contact with the +rich and the great, showing them off with every kind of ingenuity and +tact, so as to make them understood and valued. If we examine the +private history of all their celebrated men, we find scarcely one to +whom some lady was not a ministering spirit. They helped them with +their wit, their influence, and their money. They did far more. They +helped them with their hearts, listened to their sorrows, admired +their genius before the world had become aware of it, advised them, +entered patiently into all their feelings, soothed their wounded +vanities and irritable fancies. What balm has been found in the +listening look, for the warm and vexed spirit how has it risen again +after repeated disappointment, comforted by encouragements gently +administered! If the Otways and the Chattertons had possessed one +such friend, their country might not have been disgraced by their +fate. Are the life and happiness of the poet, of the man of genius, a +trifle? What would human society be without them? Let all who hold a +pen think of the kind hearts who, by the excitement of social +intercourse and sympathy, have preserved a whole class from +degradation and vice." + +The extent to which women have been the occasions, the suggesters, +and sustaining encouragers of artistic creations in literature, +painting, sculpture, and music, will astonish any one who will take +the trouble to look up the history of it. When Orpheus found that +Eurydice was gone, he threw his harp away. Women have delighted to +administer inspiration, praise, and comfort, to great poets, orators, +philosophers, because it gratifies their natural talent for admiring, +and because they are reverentially grateful to the genius which can +so clearly read their secrets, and so powerfully portray their souls +to themselves. Sophocles, the highest Greek poet, whose firm and +delicate portraitures of feminine character were not equalled in +antique literature, must have had many admirers and friends among the +choice women of Athens. And Virgil, we cannot imagine any high- +souled, refined woman knowing the tender Virgil without a respectful +and affectionate attachment. Octavia fainted away when he read before +her his undying description of the death of Marcellus. The kiss of +Aileen Margaret on the lips of the sleeping minstrel, Alain Chartier, +is a type of woman's homage to literary genius. The same thing was +shown, a little earlier in the same century, at the funeral of +Heinrich von Meissen, surnamed Frauenlob, from the infinite praises +he had lavished on the Virgin Mary, and on the female sex in general. +After his death in the outer quarters of the cathedral at Mayence, +which were set apart for hospitality to strangers and honored guests, +a great company of women, it is related, sighing and weeping, bore +his coffin to the burial, and poured into his sepulchre such an +abundance of wine as ran over the whole circumference of the church. +Five hundred years later, the women of Mayence celebrated his memory +by tributary eulogies, and by the erection of a beautiful new +monument, faced with a marble portrait of him. + +Bernardin Saint Pierre says, "There is in woman an easy gayety, which +scatters the sadness of man." It may be said, on the other hand, that +there is in the man of literary genius a masterly insight, joined +with sympathetic tenderness and masculine strength, which administers +to woman that reflective and glorifying interpretation, and that +supporting guidance, whereof she continually stands in such need. +What woman would not be proud and grateful at receiving such a +tribute as that which Waller paid to the Countess of Carlisle, on +seeing her dressed in mourning? + +When from black clouds no part of sky is clear, +But just so much as lets the sun appear, +Heaven then would seem thy image, and reflect +Those sable vestments and that bright aspect. +A spark of virtue by the deepest shade +Of sad adversity is fairer made: +No less advantage doth thy beauty get, +A Venus rising from a sea of jet! + +What woman capable of appreciating the genius of Racine could read +the works in which his choice thoughts and effusive sentiments are +enshrined, purified and confirmed echoes of the finest sighs ever +breathed by the heart, and not be drawn to him honoring esteem and +love? It was this mastery of the interior life, this impassioned +voicing of its subtilest secrets, that made Rousseau so irresistibly +attractive to women. To the many who befriended him, or paid precious +tributes to him in his life, the name of Madame de Verdelin has +recently been added, by the publication of her correspondence. Sainte +Beuve has prefixed her recovered portrait in an essay marked by his +best touches. After quoting her final letter, he says, "From that +day, Madame de Verdelin wholly disappears. She is known only through +Rousseau. A ray of his glory fell on her; that ray--withdrawn, she +repasses into the shade, and every trace is lost." The gifted critic +says he feels a deep gratification in thus recalling the image of +this generous woman. "She is a conquest for us: we pay the debt of +Rousseau to her." He concludes what he has written with reference to +these friendships of mind to mind, these intimacies of intelligence +and feeling, these affections of women and authors, more tender than +those of men, and yet quite distinct from love, by saying, with +instructive emphasis, "Evidently, social morality has taken a step +forward: a new chapter, unknown to the ancients, too much forgotten +by the moderns, is henceforth to be added in all treatises of +friendship." + +Perhaps no author has ever written more that must speak with +irresistible power to the inmost hearts of all women who have souls +sensitive enough, complex, cultivated, and forcible enough, for an +adequate reaction on the richness of his works, than Jean Paul +Richter. In all the heights and depths and subtilties of the natural +affections, and of imaginative or ideal emotion, as well as in +truthful and endlessly varied expressions of those mysteries, he has +no equal, scarcely a rival, in literature. In spite of his poverty +and confining toil, he made, in his day, a profound personal +sensation. And such is the personal spell of his ineffable +tenderness, nobleness, and grandeur, even as exerted on the reader +from his printed pages, that many a strong man, pilgriming thither +from remote lands, has been known to kneel with convulsive emotion on +his lowly grave at Bayreuth. His life was heroic in labor, and +spotless in purity. When his heart sank in death, it seems as though +the earth itself ought to have collapsed with the breaking of so +great a thing. His sensibility was a world-harp, responding to every +tremulous breath of air or flame. Sweet, pure, wise, mighty, modest, +no wonder he drew upon himself the affectionate interest of many +lofty ladies, and found treasures of inspiration and solace in their +conversation and letters. Reviewing his life in the circle of his +friends, he seems as a sun, with pale and burning moons and planets +revolving around him. Charlotte von Kalb; Caroline Herder; Emilie von +Berlepsch; Josephine von Sydow; the mother and the wife of Carl +August; the daughters of the Duke of Mecklenburg, to whom, as "The +Four Lovely and Noble Sisters on the Throne," he dedicated his +"Titan," such, with many others like them, were the gracious women +with whom Jean Paul, in his much-tried life, interchanged homage, +friendly counsels, and sacred joys. The intelligent and enthusiastic +praises they poured on him for his works must have been to him a +divine luxury. And ah I how much he needed such comforts, he who +could say, in one of his frequent moments of sadness, "Reckoning off +from the neighborhood of my heart, I find life cold and empty"! A +whole volume of his before unpublished "Correspondence with Renowned +Women" was given to the public in 1865, a glowing treasury of gems of +the heart. + +Rahel Levin was such a fascinating queen of society, such a signal +and fortunate mistress of friendships with celebrated men, that her +character and career are on this account full both of interest and +instruction. The secrets of influence, the charms that attract +attention, awaken confidence, exert authority, dispense pleasure, and +minister to human wants, are scarcely anywhere more clearly shown +than in her person and story. The pronounced character, the uncommon +talents, the rare combination of extreme candor and tact, the broad, +intellectual culture, and impulsive demonstrativeness of the youthful +Jewess, very soon gave her a prominent position in society, and made +her fascination felt and talked about. Her first advent and sway +prophesied her future renown as the most celebrated woman in Germany +who has kept an open drawing-room for the practice of conversation +and the joy of intellectual society. It was said of her, at that +early period, "She was full of an obliging good temper, that made her +anticipate wishes, divine annoyances in order to relieve them, and +forget herself in seeking to make others happy." + +Her thirtieth year she spent in France, where she had the finest +opportunities for studying the famous salon-life of Paris. Without +being captivated or at all overborne by it, she no doubt drew many +lessons and profited much from it, on carrying her German soul back +to her German home. Returning to Berlin, she bewitched all the choice +spirits of that city. Married to Varnhagen von Ense, her house was, +for a quarter of a century, the rendezvous of whatever was noblest, +purest, strongest, most distinguished in Germany. She moved among +them as a queen, looked up to by all. She had glowing and sustained +friendships, emphatically rich and faithful friendships, of the +highest moral order, with Marwitz, Gentz, Prince Louis Ferdinand, +Brinckmann, and Veit; besides relations of earnest affection and +communion with many other honored contemporaries, such as +Schleiermacher, Schlegel, and Jean Paul. + +In addition to sketches of her by different hands, we possess five +volumes, drawn chiefly from her own pen and edited by her husband, +containing records of her thoughts, portraits of her closest friends, +and full accounts of her intercourse and correspondence with them. In +all this literary transcript, as in the course of experience which it +copies, the most conspicuous element is friendship, the reception, +reciprocation, culture, and expression of friendship. The king among +her friends was her lover and husband, Varnhagen von Ense; her union +with whom was not more a marriage of persons, than it was a marriage +of minds, souls, interior lives, and social interests and ends. It is +principally through him, next after her own writings, that welearn +the characteristics of Rahel, which made such deep impressions on +people, and held them so fast to her. He thus describes her, as she +first dawned on him amidst the highest society of Berlin: "There +appeared a light, graceful figure, of small stature, but strong make, +with delicate and full limbs, feet and hands remarkably small; the +countenance, encircled with rich, dark locks, spoke intellectual +superiority; the quick, and yet firm, deep glances left the observer +in doubt whether they gave or received more; an expression of +suffering lent a soft grace to the clear features. She moved in a +dark dress, light almost as a shadow, but also with freedom and +sureness; her greeting was as easy as it was kindly. But what struck +me most was the sonorous and mellow voice which seemed to swell from +the inmost depths of the soul, and a conversation the most +extraordinary that I had ever met with. She threw out, in the most +facile and unpretending fashion, thoughts full of originality and +humor, where wit was united with simplicity, and acuteness with +amiability; and into the whole a deep truth was cast, as it were out +of iron, giving to every sentence a completeness of impression which +rendered it hard for the strongest, in any way, to break or rend it. +In her presence, I had the conviction that a genuine human being +stood before me, in its most pure and perfect type; through her whole +frame, and in all her motions, nature and intellect in fresh, breezy +reciprocity; organic shape, elastic fibre, living connection with +every thing around; the greatest originality and simplicity in +perception and utterance; the combined imposingness of innocence and +wisdom; in word and deed, alertness, dexterity, precision; and all +imbosomed in an atmosphere of the purest goodness and benevolence; +all guided by an energetic sense of duty, and heightened by a noble +self-forgetfullness in the presence of the joys and griefs of +others." + +Such is a glimpse of the Rahel, who, for thirty years, exemplified in +her drawing-room, amidst the joy and admiration of the most glorious +circle of her countrymen, that rich, strong, free, and noble ideal of +womanhood, which Herder, Schiller, Richter, and Goethe, illustrated +in so many of their works. So many contrasted qualities met and were +reconciled in her, that different friends and critics report her in +quite different likenesses. According to one, she never thought +pronouncedly, but gave forth the exquisite perfume of thought: her +life was made of tears, smiles, dreams, fantasies, flutterings of +wings, too celestial for the gross air of earth. According to +another, she was too recklessly thorough, and used too shattering an +emphasis. In fact, both these sides were true. Gentz, the celebrated +politician, called her "a great man," and confessed himself to be, in +comparison, a woman. Yet no one who knew her could deny that she +strikingly possessed the best traits of her sex, purity, tenderness, +modesty, patience, and self-sacrifice. In 1813, during the horrors of +disease in Berlin, and the horrors of war in Prague, she gave herself +up with joy to nursing the sick and the wounded. "The feast of doing +good," she called it. "Never have I seen elsewhere," said Varnhagen, +"such a mass of masculine breadth and penetration, alongside of +which, however, swelled, without remission, the warm flow of womanly +mildness and beauty. Never have I seen an eye and a mouth animated +with such loveliness, and yet, at times, giving vent to such +outbreaks of enthusiasm and indignation." + +Her intellectual power and her tact formed, no doubt, one strong +element of the attraction which drew and kept so many artists, +philosophers, preachers, statesmen, and brilliant social leaders by +her side. But her heroic and unconquerable truthfullness was a still +more royal and authoritative trait. She sought for truth; she spoke +truth; she indignantly denounced all falsehoods and shams. Some of +her sentences on this point seem burned into the page, as by the +flame of a blowpipe. "The whole literary and fashionable world is +baked together of lies." To those who expressed their respect and +admiration of her she said, "Natural candor, absolute purity of soul, +and sincerity of heart are the only things worthy of homage: the rest +is conventionality." She wrote to a friend, "Never try to suppress a +generous impulse, or to crowd out a genuine feeling: despair or +discouragement is the only fruit of dry reasoning, unenlightened by +the heart." In the following sentence she betrays, by the law of +opposites, the deepest charm of such a nature as her own; namely, a +thoroughly sincere and fluent spontaneousness of character. "I have +just found out the thing that I most utterly hate: it is pedantry. To +see such a big nothing in full march is to me the most revolting and +the most unendurable of all sights." + +Another fine and winning quality in Rahel was her profound interest +in exalted and original characters, and her ardent veneration for +them. This drew them gratefully to her in return. She had an almost +idolatrous admiration for Goethe. All aspirants for true interior +greatness naturally love and revere those who exemplify their ideal +to them. She once called Goethe and Fichte the first and second eyes +of Germany. A soul capable of such enthusiasm for great souls is +rare, and is most charming. Her maxim, like that of all the highest +and strongest of the guiding souls of our race, was, "Act only from +your inmost conscience, and only good will come to you." A vast, +tonic freedom and charity breathe in some of her sentences. "A +catholic sympathy with all possible systems; a resolute liberation +from the exclusive trammels of any; an entire surrender into the +hands of Him who wields all possibilities; and an honest dealing with +the depths of our own hearts, this seems to me more than all +philosophy, and a thing well pleasing to God." + +It is no wonder that the favored friends of such a woman honored her +even to the verge of worship, as we find then doing in their letters. +Though not technically--or professedly a religious woman, she was +really one. She felt the mystery of things; she revered the +providential guides of the race; she owned the law of the whole; she +bowed in submissive adoration before God. "Since the decease of my +mother," she said, "I know death better. I see him everywhere. He has +assumed a new power over me." A fatal disease struck her at sixty- +two. Her husband scarcely left her bedside. Until the last, he +continued to read her favorite books to her. The young Heine, how +different then from the dreadful wreck he became! hearing that fresh +rose-leaves, applied to her inflamed eyes, were grateful, sent her +his first hook of poems, enveloped in a basket of roses. With what +fitter words can we take leave of Rahel and her friends than these of +her own: "I have thought an epitaph. It is this, Good men, when any +thing good happens to mankind, then think affectionately in your +peace also of mine." + +The life of Madame Recamier is interesting, in a pre-eminent degree, +on account of the warmth, elevation, and fidelity of the friendships +which filled it. Her personal loveliness and social charm made her a +universal favorite, and gave her an unparalleled celebrity. But, full +as her career was of romantic adventures, rich as it was in brilliant +associations, its keynote throughout, its strongest interest at every +point, is friendship. Unlike those of so many of the famous women of +France, her friendships were as remarkable for their rational +soundness, purity, and tenacity, as for their fervor. They were free +from every thing morbid or affected. An adverse fate forbade the love +to which she seemed destined by her bewitching beauty and grace; and +a certain divine chill in the blood, a stamp from Diana in the +senses, turned all the warmth of affection upwards into the mind, to +radiate thence in her face and manners, and to make her a high +priestess of friendship. The pure and wise Ballanche, who idolized +her, said that she was originally an Antigone, of whom people vainly +wished by force to make an Armada. + +Her nominal husband is supposed by some to have been in reality her +father; the marriage being merely a titular one, to secure his +fortune to her in case of his death by the guillotine, of which he +was then in daily dread. Deprived of the usual domestic vents of +affection, her rich heart naturally led her to crave the best +substitute, friendship. And her matchless personal gifts, together +with her truly charming traits of character, enabled her permanently +to win and experience this in a very exalted degree. Her three +principal friends were Montmorency, Ballanche, and Chateaubriand; all +three original and extraordinary characters, and all three worthy in +spite of some drawbacks on the part of the last of the extraordinary +devotion she gave them. The letters of these three possess extreme +interest. Especially, those of the first named are the unique +monument of an affection whose purity and delicacy equalled its +vivacity and depth. + +Matthieu de Montmorency was one of the noblest of the nobility of +France, alike in birth and in spirit. In his youth a voluptuous +liver, he had afterwards undergone a genuine and solemn conversion. +While in Switzerland, the news of the guillotining of his brother +gave him such a shock, that it revolutionized his motives and his +life. The gay, impassioned, fascinating man of the world became an +austere and fervent Christian. The rich sensibility he had formerly +spent in amours and display, henceforward ennobled by wisdom and +sanctified by religion, lent a singular charm of tenderness and +loftiness to his friendships. The memory of his own errors gave a +gracious charitableness to his judgments; his sorrow imparted an +incomparable refinement to his air; his grave and devout demeanor +inspired veneration; his sweet magnanimity drew every unprejudiced +heart. He had long been a fervent friend of Madame de Staid, when the +youthful virgin-wife, the dazzling Julie Recamier, formed an +engrossing attachment to that gifted woman. Drawn mutually to this +common goal, the fore-ordained friends soon met. He was then fifty +years old; she, twenty-three. Her extraordinary charms of person and +spirit, her dangers, exposed, with such, bewildering beauty and such +peculiar domestic relations, to all the seductions of a most corrupt +society, awakened at once his admiration, his sympathy, and his pity. +As an increasing intimacy revealed her irresistible sweetness of +disposition, her many gifts and virtues, Montmorency found himself +ever more and more drawn to her by the united bonds of reason, +conscience, and affection. He undertook not merely to be her friend +in the ordinary pleasures of sympathy, but, as a Christian, under the +eye of God, sincerely and profoundly to befriend her. From that +moment until his death, his devotion, though once severely tried, +never faltered nor slumbered. He was to her more than a father and a +brother; he was her guardian angel, as pure in feeling, as watchful +to warn, to restrain, to encourage, to support, and console. For many +years, through trying reverses of fortune, he visited her every +evening. For many years each had a vital share in all that concerned +the other; and, when he died, it was as if a large part of her being +had been suddenly torn out of her soul, and transferred to heaven. +The letters that passed between them form one of the most delightful +and impressive records ever made of Christian friendship, a record in +which wisdom and duty are as prominent as affection. + +Pierre Simon Ballanche, one of the most delicate and philosophical of +French authors, most disinterested and affectionate of men, the +perfect model of a friend, was born at Lyons in 1776. He was first +introduced to Madame Recamier, in 1812, by their common friend, the +generous and eloquent Camille Jordan. Ballanche, in an enthusiastic +attachment to a noble, portionless young girl, had suffered a +disappointment so deep, that it caused him to dismiss all thoughts of +marriage for ever. He sought to ease the burden of rejected love, by +letting the sadness it had engendered exhale in a literary work. This +exquisite work, called "Fragments," Jordan induced Madame Recamier to +read: he also described to her the refined and magnanimous character +of the author. Thus prepared, and aided by her own keen discernment, +she immediately detected his choice talents, his rare vein of +sentiment, his abiding hunger for affection. Ballanche was a +philosopher of solitude, a poet and priest of humanity, spending his +days far from the crowd and uproar of the world, his proper haunt the +summits of the loftiest minds, the mysterious cradle of the destinies +of society. His soul was an "AEolian harp," through which the music of +the pre-historic ages played. Chastity and sorrow were two geniuses, +who unveiled to him the destiny of man. His philosophy, so redolent +of the heart and the imagination, amidst the material struggles and +selfishness of the time, has been compared to a chant of Orpheus in +the school of Hobbes. The friendship which Madame Recamier gave this +lonesome, sad, expansive, and lofty spirit, was as if a goddess had +come down from heaven on purpose to minister to him. She brought him +the attention he needed, the sympathy he pined for, the position and +praise which were so grateful to his sensitive nature. She strove to +win for him from others the recognition he deserved, to call out his +powers, and to show off his gift to the best advantage. Ballanche was +timid, awkward, ugly, with no wealth, with no rank; but, in the sight +of Madame Recamier, the treasures and graces of his soul were an +intrinsic recommendation far superior to these outward advantages, +and she was ready to honor it to the full. + +Never was kindness more worthily bestowed; never was it more +gratefully received. "I often," he says, "find myself astonished at +your goodness to me. The silent, weary, sad man, whom others neglect, +you notice, and seek with infinite tact to draw him out. You are +indulgence and pity personified, and you compassionately see in me a +kind of exile. Together with the feeling of a brother for a sister, I +offer you the homage of my soul." From that time, he belonged to her, +and could not bear to live separate from her. Under her appreciation +and encouragement, he expanded, like a plant moved from a chill shade +into the sunshine. His devotion was entire, and sought no equal +return. It was simply the natural expression of his gratitude to her, +his admiration of her, his delight in seeing her and in being with +her. His love for her, like that of Dante for Beatrice, was a +religious worship, a celestial exhalation of his soul, utterly free +from every alloy of earth and sense. For thirty-four years, he was +almost inseparable from her. He removed to Paris, that he might look +on her every day. Wherever she travelled, abroad or at home, he was +one of her companions. At her receptions of company, the fame of +which has gone through the world, he was invariably an honored and +active assistant. And, despite his deformed face, and uncouth +appearance and bearing, he was a great favorite with all the chosen +guests at the Abbaye-aux-Bois. To those who really knew him, his +large, beaming eyes and noble forehead, his disinterested goodness, +his literary and philosophical accomplishments, his modest +unworldliness and attentive sympathy, redeemed his physical +blemishes, and covered them with a radiance superior to that of mere +beauty. The letters of Ballanche to Madame Recamier are charming in +their originality. His praise of her is marked by an inimitable grace +of sincerity and refinement: + +"Your presence, so full of magic, the sweet reflection of your soul, +will be to me a powerful inspiration. You are a perfect poem; you are +poesy itself. It is your destiny to inspire, mine to be inspired. An +occupation would do you good; your disturbed and dreamy imagination +has need of aliment. Take care of your health, spare your nerves: you +are an angel who has gone a little astray in coming into a world of +agitation and falsehood." + +What a reading of her inmost heart through her envied position, what +matchless felicity of representation, in this picture of herself sent +to her in one of his letters "The phoenix, marvellous but solitary +bird, is said often to weary of himself. He feeds on perfumes, and +lives in the purest region of the air; and his brilliant existence +ends on a pyre of odoriferous woods, kindled by the sun. More than +once, without doubt, he envies the lot of the white dove, because she +has a companion like herself." + +In his high estimate of her talent, he tried to persuade her to +undertake a literary work, the translation and illustration of +Petrarch, which she actually began, but left unfinished. + +"Your province, like my own," he writes, "is the interior of the +sentiments; but, believe me, you have at command the genius of music, +of flowers, of brooding meditation, and of elegance. Privileged +creature, assume a little confidence, lift your charming head, and +fear not to try your hand on the golden lyre of the poets. It is my +mission to see that some trace of your noble existence remains on +this earth. Help me to fulfil my mission. I regard it as a blessing +that you will be loved and appreciated when you are no more. It would +be a real misfortune if so excellent a being should pass merely as a +charming shadow. Of what use is memory, if it does not perpetuate the +beautiful and good?" + +This league of lofty friendship, of endearing intercourse and +service, held good while a whole generation of mortals came upon the +stage and disappeared; and it throve with growing validity in the +latest old age of the fortunate parties. Ballanche believed, after +the death of his mother, that he saw her, several successive +mornings, enter his room, and ask him how he had passed the night. +This ocular illusion affords us an affecting glimpse of his heart. He +wrote to his friend, "Antiquity confides its weariness and grief to +us, without doubt, to beguile us from our own." "Had Orpheus never +met Eurydice, his existence would have remained incomplete; and, in +place of the cruel grief of her loss, he would have known another +grief not less intense, solitude of soul." "I am alone, and the +solitude weighs heavily upon me. Permit me to solace myself by +talking a moment with you." "I protest to you in all sincerity, that +my one absorbing thought is my warm feeling of friendship for you. I +have need to be assured by you, and that as often as possible, that +this sentiment shall not end in unhappiness for me. The thought of +that is an agony which terrifies me. You are so kind, you have so +much sympathy for all unhappy persons, that I fear it is through pity +and condescension that you show kindness to me." This expression was +in the year 1816; but all such uneasiness soon vanished, and he +learned to rely on her sincere cordiality with a serene assurance, +which was the richest luxury of his life. + +In 1830, Ballanche, publishing his chief work, the "Palingenesie +Sociale," dedicated it to Madame Recamier, in a form whose delicacy +and fervor made it one of the most exquisite pieces of praise ever +paid in letters. Alluding to Canova's portrait of Madame Recamier, in +the character of the celestial guide of Dante, he says, "An artist +enveloped in a grand renown, a sculptor who has just shed so much +glory on the illustrious land of Dante, and whose graceful +imagination the masterpieces of antiquity have so often exalted, one +day, for the first time, saw a woman who seemed to him a living +apparition of Beatrice. Full of that religious emotion which is the +gift of genius, he immediately commanded the marble, always obedient +to his chisel, to express the sudden inspiration of the moment; and +the Beatrice of Dante passed from the vague region of poetry into the +domain of substantial art. The sentiment which dwells in this +harmonious countenance, now become a new type of pure and virgin +beauty, in its turn inspires artists and poets. This woman, whose +name I would here conceal, whom I would veil even as Dante does, is +endowed with all the generous sympathies of our age. She has visited, +with the select few, the haunts of lofty minds. Here, in this seat of +imperturbable peace, of unalterable security, she has formed noble +friendships, those friendships which have filled her life, which, +born under immortal auspices, are sheltered alike from time, from +death, and from all human vicissitudes. I address myself, then, to +her who has been seen as a living apparition of Beatrice. Can she +encourage me with her smile, with that serious smile of love and of +grace, which expresses at once confidence and pity for the pains of +probation, for the burdens of an exile that should end, sweet and +calm augury, wherein is revealed, even in the present, the certainty +of our infinite hopes, the grandeur of our definitive destinies?" + +When the good Ballanche was taken dangerously ill, Madame Recamier +had just undergone an operation for cataract, and was under strict +orders from the physician not to leave her couch. But, on the +announcement of the condition of Ballanche, she immediately rose, and +went to his bedside, and watched by him until his last breath. In the +anxiety and tears of this experience, she lost all hope of recovering +her sight. Her incomparable friend received the supreme hospitality +at her hands, and was buried in her family tomb, leaving, in his +works, a delightful picture of his mind; in his life, a perfect model +of devotion. The removal of this soul, echo of her own; this heart, +wholly filled by her; this mind, so gladly submissive to her +influence, could not but leave a mighty void behind. For, +notwithstanding the wondrous array of gifts, attractions, and +attentions lavished on her, her deep sensibility and interior +loneliness made her often unhappy. She would sit by herself, in the +twilight, playing from memory choice pieces of the great masters of +music, the tears rolling down her cheeks. Friendship was more than a +delight: it was a necessity to her. + +De Tocqueville pronounced an exquisite eulogy by the grave of +Ballanche, in the name of the Academy. La Prade, in the funeral +address he delivered at Lyons, the birthplace of the deceased, said, +"There was in his mind, in its serenity, its charming simplicity, its +tenderness, something more than is found in the wisest and the best. +His virtue was of a divine nature: it was at once a prolonged +innocence and an acquired wisdom. Serene and radiant as his soul may +now be in the mansions of peace, we can hardly conceive of it as more +loving and more pure than we beheld it on this earth of infirmity and +of strife." What a delight it is to contemplate the relation that +bound two such spirits together, the measureless treasures of +inspiration, solace, joy, it must have yielded to them both I Sarah +Austin, who was in Paris at the time Ballanche died, and an intimate +of the illustrious circle of friends, says, "I shall never forget the +sort of consternation, mingled with sorrow, which this death caused. +Everybody felt regret for so pure and excellent a man, but yet more +of grief and pity for Madame Recamier, whose loss was felt to be +overwhelming, and entirely irreparable." Ampere says, in his cordial +and glowing memoir of Ballanche, "While he was composing his +'Antigone,' Poetry appeared to him under an enchanting form. He +became acquainted with her, of whom he said that the charm of her +presence laid his sorrows to sleep; who, after being the soul of his +most elevated and delicate inspirations, became in later years the +providence of every moment of his life." Ballanche himself often +assured Madame Recamier, that the ideal of the "Antigone" of his +dreams was revealed to him by her, and that, in drawing this perfect +portrait, he had copied largely from her. "It was only through +Eurydice," he writes, "that Orpheus had any mission for his brother- +men. If my name survives me, as appears more and more probable, I +shall be called the Philosopher of the Abbaye-aux-Bois, and my +philosophy will be considered as inspired by you. This thought is my +joy. I am now entering on the last stage of my life: however +prolonged this stage may be, I know well what is at the end of it. I +shall fall asleep in the bosom of a great hope, full of confidence +that your memory and mine will live the same life." Fortunate +friends! happy in their living union immaculate as heaven, happy in +the grateful admiration and love of all fit souls who shall ever read +of them! + +And if he grieved because his words, his name, +The breath of after-ages will not stir, +'Tis but because he would impart his fame, +And share an immortality with her; +So might there, from the brightest, holiest flame +That ere did martyrdom of heart confer, +Two shadowy forms of Truth and Friendship rise, +To seek their home together in the skies. + +Pervading and earnest, however, as were these attachments of Madame +Recamier to Montmorency and Ballanche, the crowning passion of her +life was her friendship for Chateaubriand. This grand writer and +imposing person has described his first meeting with her: + +"I was one morning with Madame de Stael, who, at toilet in the hands +of her maid, twirled a green twig in her fingers while she talked. +Suddenly Madame Recamier entered, clothed in white. She sits down on +a blue-silk sofa. Madame de Stael, standing, continues her eloquent +conversation. I scarcely reply, my eyes riveted on Madame Recamier. I +had never seen any one equal to her, and was more than ever +depressed. My admiration of her changed into dissatisfaction with +myself. She went out, and I saw her no more for twelve years. Twelve +years! What hostile power squanders thus our days, ironically +lavishing them on the indifferences called attachments, on the +wretchednesses named felicities!" + +But it was in 1817, at a private dinner in the chamber of the dying +Madame de Stael, that their real acquaintance began. The literary +fame of Chateaubriand was then greater than that of any living man. +He was a lofty, romantic, melancholy person, with a superb head and +face, polished manners, and a grand vein of eloquence. Nothing was so +deeply characteristic of Madame Recamier as her enthusiasm for +brilliant minds, noble sentiment and conduct. It was this that had so +fascinated her with Madame de Stael. The sure proof of the ideal +nature of her attachments, their freedom from sensual ingredients, is +this ruling stamp of reverence and loyalty. Those whom she admired +the most enthusiastically she loved the most passionately. It was +inevitable that her imagination would be captivated with the +chivalrous and imposing Chateaubriand, especially at such an +affecting time. "He seemed the natural heir to Madame de Stael's +place in her heart." Speaking of this overwhelming sentiment, thirty +years later, she said, "It is impossible for a head to be more +completely turned than mine was: I used to cry all day." Montmorency +and Ballanche were greatly distressed, and not a little mortified and +jealous. It was not that they had fallen into a lower and narrower +place in her affection, but that they saw Chateaubriand installed in +a higher and larger place. They feared that her peace would be +wrecked in wretchedness by an intimate connection with one so +discontented and capricious, a sort of spoilt idol, a hero of ennui, +filled with causeless melancholy, voracious of praise, querulous, +exacting, his own imperious and inevitable personality ever +uppermost. In vain they sought to warn and dissuade her from the new +attachment. Montmorency seems to have fancied that the passion was +not friendship, but love; and faithfully, with solemn energy, he +adjured her, by all the sanctions of religion, to guard herself. He +soon learned his error, and gracefully apologized: "When I read your +perfect letter, lovely friend, remorse seized me, and now fills my +soul. I am deeply touched by the proofs of your friendship, and by +the triumphs of your reason. I am, for friendship's sake, proud of +the exclusive privilege you accord to me of admission and +consolation, and impatiently long to go and exercise the sweet right. +Pardon me my letter of this morning. Adieu. Persist in your generous +resolutions, and turn to Him who alone can strengthen them and reward +them." + +The friendship of Madame Recamier and Chateaubriand became more +absorbing and complete, and was destined to endure with their lives. +"It was," Madame Lenormant says, "the one aim of her life to appease +the irritability, soothe the susceptibilities, and remove the +annoyances of this noble, generous, but selfish nature, spoiled by +too much adulation." Her steady moderation, moral wisdom, beautiful +repose, and sweet oblivion of self, were an admirable antidote to his +extreme moods, uneasy vanity, and morbid depression. Communion with +her serene equity, her matchless beauty, her inexhaustible +tenderness, the experience of her constant homage, soothed his +haughty and mordant, but magnanimous and affectionate, nature, and +were an infinite luxury to him. An admiring recognition is almost a +necessity for those highly endowed with genius. And Madame Recamier's +intense faculty of admiration, with her self-forgetting devotedness, +exactly fitted her for this ministry. Chateaubriand became the first +object of her life. Modifying her habits to suit his tastes, she made +him, instead of herself, the centre around which every thing was to +revolve. She devised endless means of lending an interest to his +existence. She listened to every thing he wrote. She drew into her +parlor, to meet him, all those persons who could interest or amuse +him, or in any way give him pleasure. She diverted attentions from +herself to him with exhaustless skill and generosity. In a poem which +he addressed to her, he called her the "soft star that guided his +path." + +Such jealousy as can find a place in natures so noble is easily to be +traced in the letters of Ballanche and Montmorency. Chateaubriand +calls Ballanche "the hierophant" or "the mysterious initiator," "the +man the most advanced at the Abbaye-aux-Bois." Ballanche, in turn, +calls Chateaubriand "the king of intelligence." But Madame Recamier's +wonderful sweetness and discretion invariably restored the +interrupted harmony. Nor, indeed, did she allow the superior +attraction to cast her old friends in the shade. Several years after +the death of Montmorency, which happened in church on a Good Friday, +Chateaubriand wrote to her thus: "Yesterday I believed myself dying, +as your best friend did. Then you would have found one resemblance at +least between us, and perhaps you would have joined us in your +heart." Five years after their first meeting, Chateaubriand, then +ambassador at Berlin, writes to her, "That I shall see you in a +month, seems a kind of dream to me." Twenty-five years later, two +years before his death, he writes to her at a watering-place whither +she had gone for her health, "Do not hasten back. I pass my time here +in Notre Dame. It is well occupied; for I think only of you and of +God." The persistence of an affection so profound and so pure as that +of Madame Recamier bore its proper fruit, and ended by subduing +Chateaubriand. Gratitude, respect, veneration, struck their roots to +the very bottom of his heart. Little by little, his self-occupied +personality yields, and at last he writes to her, "You have +transformed my nature." When she was alarmingly ill, in the winter of +1837, he, together with Ballanche, might be seen, in the cold +mornings, "his beautiful white hair blown about by the wind, his +physiognomy the image of despair," in the court of the Abbaye-aux- +Bois, waiting for the doctor to come out. He then writes, "I bring +this note to your door. I was so terrified yesterday at not being +admitted, that I believed you were going from me. Ah! remember it is +I who am to go before you. Never speak of what I shall do without +you. I have not done any thing so evil that I should be left behind +you." She recovered, and devoted herself more than ever, if possible, +through the years of his mental decay, to alleviate and disguise the +sad changes that came over him. Blindness began their separation +before death came. Nothing can more emphatically bespeak her divine +self-abnegation than the fact, that, for a long time after she had +become perfectly blind, a dislike to trouble others with her +infirmities led her to conceal the misfortune from her general +acquaintance. Her eyes kept their brightness, and her hearing was +most acute: she recognized, by the first inflection of the voice, +those who drew near. The furniture was carefully arranged, always in +the same way, so that she could move about confidently; and many +persons, when she spoke of her "poor eyes," never dreamed that she +had actually lost her sight. + +After the decease of his wife, Chateaubriand besought Madame Recamier +to marry him. She refused, on the ground, that, if she resided with +him, the variety and pleasure his daily visits brought into the +tedium of his existence would be destroyed. "Were we younger," she +said, "I would gladly accept the right to consecrate my life to you. +Age and blindness give me this right. I know the world will do +justice to the purity of our relation. Let us change nothing." During +his last sickness, he was as unable to speak as she was to see. She +had the fortitude to undergo two operations on her eyes in the hope +of looking on him once more; but in vain. By his bedside when he +expired, she felt the sources of her life struck. She came from the +room with no outward sign of distress, but clothed with a deadly +paleness, which from that hour never left her. Her niece wrote, at +the time, to a friend in England, "Those who, during the last two +years, have seen Madame Recamier, blind, though the sweetness and +brilliancy of her eyes remained uninjured, surrounding the +illustrious friend, whose age had extinguished his memory, with cares +so delicate, so tender, so watchful; who have seen her joy when she +helped him to snatch a momentary distraction from the conversation +around him, by leading it to subjects connected with that past which +still lingered in his memory, those persons will never forget the +scene. They could not help being deeply affected with pity and +respect at the sight of that noble beauty, brilliancy, and genius +bending beneath the weight of age, and sheltered, with such ingenious +tenderness, by the sacred friendship of a woman who forgot her own +infirmities, in the endeavor to lighten his." + +History scarcely affords a finer instance of the ministrations of +womanhood to soothe the woes and supply the wants of man than is +exhibited in the relation of Madame Recamier and Chateaubriand. His +egotistic and restless mental activity; his exaggerated, perturbed, +and gnawing self-consciousness; his despairing view of men; his +alienation from the spirit of his age, made him most lonely and +unhappy. Meanwhile his ardent poetic susceptibility, his soaring +imagination, his impassioned tenderness, his knightly sentiments, his +religious feeling, pre-eminently fitted him to enjoy the moral +homage, the delicate, sympathetic attentions, of a woman crowned with +every exalting attribute of her sex. He appreciated the prize at its +full worth. When nothing else could any longer interest him, her +charm retained its pristine power. When beyond his threescore and +ten, he writes to her thus, at different times: + +"Other things are old stories: you are all that I love to see." "I am +going to walk out with the lark. She shall sing to me of you: then +she will be silent for ever in the furrow into which she drops." "I +have only one hope graven on my heart, and that is, to see you +again." "Cherish faithfully your attachment to me: it is all my life. +You see how my poor hand trembles; but my heart is firm." "I have but +one thought, fidelity to you: all the rest is gone." + +For many years, even after his noble faculties were broken, and he +had lost the use of his limbs, so that he was forced to be carried +into her room, he passed the hours of every day, from three to six, +with her. Amidst the ordinary hatreds, miseries, and indifferences of +society, is it not indeed instructive and refreshing to see this +example of a spotless friendship still yielding, in extreme old age, +the interest, the solace, the happiness, which every thing else had +ceased to yield? + +Chateaubriand devotes to Madame Recamier the eighth volume of his +"Memoires d'Outre Tombe." He recognizes, in her serious friendship, a +support for the weariness of his life, a remuneration for all his +sufferings. + +"It seems, in nearing the close of my existence, as if every thing +that has been dear to me has been dear to me in Madame Recamier, and +that she was the concealed source of my affections. All my memories, +both of my dreams and of my realities, have been kneaded into a +mixture of charms and sweet pains, of which she has become the +visible form. In the midst of these Memoirs,' the temple I am eagerly +building, she will meet the chapel which I dedicate to her. Perhaps +it will please her to repose there. There I have placed her image." +During the few months that she survived their loss, Madame Recamier +often spoke of Chateaubriand and Ballanche together. Repeatedly, if +the door chanced to open at the hour when these two friends had been +accustomed to enter, she started; and, on being asked the reason, +replied that at certain moments her thought of them was so vivid, +that it amounted to an apparition. Only three days previous to her +death, she received M. de Saint Priest, and took great interest in +hearing him read the eulogy on Ballanche which he was about to +pronounce before the Academy. + +Besides these three chief friends, Madame Recamier had many others +well deserving of separate mention. Paul David, nephew of her +husband, was a most devoted and inseparable companion of her whole +life. When she lost her sight, he used to read to her every evening. +He was a poor reader; and, perceiving that she was sensitive to this +defect, he secretly took lessons, at the age of sixty-four, to +improve his elocution. Junot and Bernadotte were her ardent, lasting +friends, and always delighted to serve her. Her rare graces, and her +generous goodness to Madame Desbordes-Valmore, disarmed the +prejudices and won the heart of the gifted but misanthropic Latouche. +The Duke de Noailles, who, under the envelope of a chill manner, +concealed a conscientiousness of judgment, a constancy and delicacy +of feeling, in strong sympathy with her own nature, was admitted to +the rank and title of friend, "a serious thing," says her biographer, +"for her who, more than any one in the world, inspired and practised +friendship in the most perfect sense of the word." He held a place in +her esteem like that held by Matthieu de Montmorency. One of the +latest and warmest of her friends was the brilliant and high-souled +Ampere, introduced to her by Ballanche, who had been an intimate +friend of his father, and who now loved the son with double fervor, a +debt which the grateful young man repaid with interest in a noble +tribute to his memory. Never did a mother feel a deeper solicitude in +the prospects of a darling son, or exert herself more devotedly to +further his success; never did a son more thoroughly idolize a +beautiful and good mother, than was realized between Madame Recamier +and Ampere. Solely to please her, this most entertaining and most +courted man in Paris devoted himself not merely to her, which would +have been easy; but to Chateaubriand, which was difficult. Nothing +can better illustrate her irresistible charm. And nothing can better +illustrate the coarseness and ignorance of many of our critics, than +the presumption with which one of them, in 1864, speaking of Ampere's +funeral, says, "He was one of Madame Recamier's many lovers, and was +bitterly disappointed at her refusal to marry him after the death of +Chateaubriand!" + +Such were the few principal men who penetrated to the centre of that +select circle, in whose outer ranges of general benevolence the right +of citizenship was granted to so many choice figures. Among the more +distinguished of these latter may be named Benjamin Constant, the +Duke de Doudeauville, De Gerando, Prosper de Barante, Delacroix, +Gerard, Thierry, Ville-main, Lamartine, Guizot, De Tocqueville, +Sainte Beuve. Surrounded by such persons as these, in the humble +chamber to which, on the loss of her fortune, she had betaken +herself, she presided like a priestess in the temple of friendship, +ever pre-occupied with them, their glory her dominant passion, never +herself seeking to shine, but intent only to elicit and display their +gifts. Was it not natural, that they should, in the humorous phrase +of Ballanche, "gravitate towards the centre of the Abbaye-aux-Bois"? + +Elizabeth Barrett Barrett allows us a few glimpses into two +friendships, which, to a nature like hers, we cannot but think must +have been nobly precious. One, celebrated in her poem of "Cyprus +Wine," was with Hugh Stuart Boyd, who amused himself during some +weary periods in his blindness with the grateful occupation of +teaching her to read Greek. The other was with her cousin, John +Kenyon, author of "A Rhymed Plea for Tolerance," to whom she so +expressively inscribes the most elaborate work of her life, "Aurora +Leigh." + +It is difficult to find any more remarkable example of the +inspiration, the balm, and the joy a great man may derive from the +pure friendship of an appreciative woman than that which is furnished +in the relation between Auguste Comte and Madame Clotilde de Vaux. In +his "Catechism of Positive Religion," and in the preface and +dedication of the first volume of his "System of Positive Politics," +he has given quite a full account of this friendship, of its +circumstances and its effects. Comte was a man of an extraordinary +original genius; of profound effusiveness; but excessively proud, and +sensitive to affronts. Full of noble thoughts and sentiments, +heroically devoted to the pursuit of truth and the good of his race, +his outward life was unfortunate. He was poor and lonely. He had many +severe quarrels, disappointments, and vexations. No one appreciated +him with admiring love. His wife was utterly unsuited to his tastes, +and finally deserted him. Meantime he toiled, with a martyr-like +pertinacity, at his great task of philosophical construction. +Believing his work destined to be of incalculable service to mankind, +he rewarded himself, for his vast achievements and his unmerited +sufferings, with an exceptional valuation and esteem of himself. + +Just at this time, sad, weary, solitary, and teeming with suppressed +tenderness, he met with Madame Clotilde de Vaux, a young woman of a +fine feminine genius and character, made virtually a widow by the +crime and imprisonment of her unworthy husband. She seems at once to +have fully appreciated the best side of the genius of Comte, entered +into his disinterested sentiments, pitied his misfortunes, and +ministered to his highest wants like an angel. As his disciple and +friend, she lavished on him an enthusiastic admiration and affection. +She reflected him, in her esteem and treatment, at a height, and in a +glory, harmonizing with his own estimation of his mission. It was a +celestial luxury; and it wrought miracles in him. He was transformed +into apparently another person. His scientific and philosophical +career became a poetic and religious one. He reproduced the most +glowing and delicate emotions of Dante and Petrarch and Thomas a +Kempis. The relation between Comte and Madame de Vaux was one of +absolute blamelessness and purity. For one year only was he allowed +to enjoy this divine delight. He was about to adopt her legally as +his daughter, when she died, leaving him inconsolable, save for the +melancholy satisfaction of beatifying her memory with his pen, and of +worshipping her in his heart. + +"An unalterable purity," he says, "confirmed her tenderness, and was +the cause of a moral resurrection to me during the incomparable year +of our external union. My present adoration of her is more assiduous +and profound, but less vivid, than when she was alive. It daily makes +me feel the truth of a sentence which once dropped from her pen: +There is nothing in life irrevocable, except death.'" + +The deep and stern solitude of Comte, the wearisome toils he +underwent, the austere pre-occupations of his mind, the harassments +and lacerations he had known, seemed to make him doubly susceptible +to the action of the sympathetic instincts, to those pleasures of +praise and tenderness which aggrandize and sweeten our existence, and +constitute our keenest happiness. No one was purer than he in his +life; no one severer in his condemnation of every form of corrupt +indulgence. Therefore, no one has had a higher idea of the value of +feminine friendship, and no one been more loyal to it in his own +experience. It is truly touching to read, in the light of his life +and character, what he has written on this topic. The three guardian +angels, for devout and effusive communion with whom he set apart a +sacred period every day, were, Rosalie Boyer, Clotilde de Vaux, and +Sophie Eliot, his mother, his friend, and his servant. By prayer and +meditation on these three beloved memories, he cultivated the three +chief sympathies, veneration for superiors, attachment to equals, +goodness to inferiors. He expresses the deepest gratitude for the +privilege of that friendship, "the tardy felicity reserved for a +solitary life, devoted, from the first, to the fundamental service of +humanity." Even its removal by death, he said, did not restore his +former isolation; for the inward treasure of affection it had +bestowed, constantly contemplated afresh in memory, remained the +permanent and principal resource of his life. "She has, now for more +than six years since her death, been associated with all my thoughts, +and with all my feelings." + +The injustice of the popular view of Comte's character, in its +deepest truth, as hard, coarse, despotic, is shown by his favorite +aphorisms. "Live for others." "Disinterested love is the supreme good +of man." "Love cannot be deep, unless it is also pure." "The one +thing essential to happiness is, that the heart shall be always nobly +occupied." It is probable that Comte exaggerated the worth of his +friend, when he ascribed to her "a marvellous combination of +tenderness and nobleness, never, perhaps, realized in another heart +in an equal degree;" but he did not exaggerate the blessed comfort +which her friendship was to him, or the power with which it wrought +in his soul. That she was a very superior nature, appears clearly +from the few expressions of her mind which are preserved to us. For +example, she says, "No one knows better than myself how weak our +nature is, unless it has some lofty aim beyond the reach of passion." +And again she says, "Our race is one which must have duties, in order +to form its feelings." + +In speaking thus of Auguste Comte, I am not ignorant of his foibles +of character, the morbid side of his ill-balanced mind and heart. But +the unquestionable greatness and nobleness of the man are so much +superior to his weaknesses, and are so much less appreciated by the +public, that I can treat his memory only with reverence, willingly +leaving to others the ungrateful task of ridiculing or scorning him. +He had, no doubt, an exaggerated pride and vanity. But he labored for +truth and his fellow-men with transcendent fidelity. His irascible +egotism made him suffer its own punishment. His lot was lonely and +was painful. The solace of the stainless friendship which Madame +Clotilde de Vaux brought him appeals to my most respectful sympathy. +And it has a lesson which many of those who sneer would be benefited +by appropriating. Let us leave the history with the breathing words +of Comte himself: + +"Adieu, my unchangeable companion! Adieu, my holy Clotilde, who art +to me at once wife, sister, and daughter! Adieu, my dear pupil, and +my fit colleague. Thy celestial inspiration will dominate the +remainder of my life, public as well as private, and preside over my +progress towards perfection, purifying my sentiments, ennobling my +thoughts, and elevating my conduct. Perhaps, as the principal reward +of the grand tasks yet left for me to complete under thy powerful +invocation, I shall inseparably write thy name with my own, in the +latest remembrances of a grateful humanity." + +When Paul, the Czar of Russia, espoused the Princess Marie de +Wurtemburg, Sophie Soymonof, then in her sixteenth year, and +distinguished for her accomplishments, was chosen maid of honor to +the new empress. Marie was endowed with rare beauty, and surrounded +by seductions and difficulties; but she set such an example of +amiable and solid virtue in her lofty place, that calumny never +assailed her. + +A strong affection, based on mutual esteem and tenderness, sprang up +between the empress and her maid. This affection was never +interrupted nor chilled. The fury and puerility, the monstrous pride +and jealousy, of Paul, made him constantly quarrel with those who +were brought into close relations with him. The empress alone +triumphed over his outbursts, by dint of unfailing sweetness, +modesty, and patience. She smilingly submitted to the capricious +exactions, distasteful exercises, and excessive fatigues he imposed. +However bitter her sufferings, the serenity of her soul was never +visibly altered. But, in sympathizing with the hardships of her kind +mistress, Sophie early learned to penetrate the secret of noisy pomp +and hidden woes, glittering prosperity and silent tears. + +Secretary Soymonof, aware of the precarious tenure by which the +dependents of the court held their prosperity, was anxious to secure +for his daughter a trustworthy protector, and a handsome position in +the future. He cast his eyes on his personal friend, General +Swetchine, a man of an imposing aspect, a firm character, a just and +calm spirit, who had had an honorable career, and was held in high +consideration. Sophie accepted, with her usual deference to her +father's wishes, the husband thus chosen, although he was twenty-five +years older than herself. It cost her many a secret pang; for she was +already in love with a young man of noble birth and fortune, with +rare qualities of mind and a brilliant destiny. She knew that her +affection was reciprocated. But, from a sense of filial duty, she +silently renounced him; and, when he in turn resigned himself to +another marriage, she became the warm and steadfast friend of his +wife. This painful renunciation, in the introspective reflection, and +the dissolution of romantic dreams to which it led, was the first of +those earthly disenchantments, which, shattering and darkening the +empire of social ambition, transferred her interest from material +pleasures and hopes to the imperturbable satisfactions of religion. + +The second blow quickly followed. Only a few days after that marriage +which her father thought promised so much security and consolation to +his old age, the Emperor Paul, in a cruel whim, suddenly banished him +from Petersburg. Retiring to Moscow, the galling sense of his +disgrace, the separation from his darling daughter, together with a +frigid reception by a friend on whom he had especially relied, +plunged him into the deepest grief. A terrible attack of apoplexy +swept him away. At the dire announcement, Madame Swetchine sunk on +her knees; and, in the spiritual solitude, unable any more to lean on +her father, turned with irrepressible need and effusion to God. + +General Swetchine was made military commandant and governor of St. +Petersburg. At the head of a splendid establishment, his young wife +found herself in the highest circle of the most brilliant society in +Europe; for at that time the Revolution had banished the noblest +families of France, and their headquarters were in the Russian +capital. Madame Swetchine always possessed, in remarkable union, an +earnest desire for action and companionship, and a strong taste for +solitude and meditation. She managed her life so skilfully, that both +these inclinations were largely gratified. With many of the most +high-toned and accomplished persons whom she met, both of the Russian +nobility and the French emigrants, she formed earnest and lasting +relations of mind and heart. The most refined, pronounced, and +impressive characters in St. Petersburg, between the years 1800 and +1815, were embraced in her friendships. Her leisure hours were +scrupulously and eagerly devoted to self-improvement. She engaged in +a wide range of literary, historic, and philosophical studies; making +copious extracts from the books she read, patiently reflecting on the +subjects, and setting down independent comments. The progress she +made was rapid, and soon rendered her a notable woman. + +Paul, full of lugubrious visions and suspicions, one day disgraced +General Swetchine by removing him from office. But this official +dismission did not entail banishment, and was followed by no loss of +social caste. The general and his exemplary wife continued to live +amidst their numerous friends as happily as before. The interchange +of literary and philosophic ideas shared the hours in their +attractive parlor with the revolutionary and reactionary politics of +the time. The profound attachments, stamped with reverence and the +rarest truthfullness, which in those years united many admirable +persons with Madame Swetchine, were frequently reporting themselves, +under far other circumstances, in a distant land, half a century +later. + +In 1833, the celebrated Count Joseph de Maistre was accredited from +France to the Russian court. He was then about fifty, a man of pure +life, rare genius, and fervent enthusiasm; familiar with the world, +with the human heart, and with the loftiest ranges of sentiment and +learning. His zeal for the Catholic Church was extreme. Madame +Swetchine, at this time, without being at all a devotee, was a +sincere member of the Greek Church. She was already familiar with the +great minds of all ages and lands; and, at this particular period, +was earnestly studying modern philosophical controversies, comparing +the ideas of Kant, Fichte, and Hegel with those of Descartes, Pascal, +and Leibnitz. Despite the difference in their points of view, and the +many other contrasts between them, these two remarkable persons the +thoroughly trained master, in whom the gifts of knowledge, eloquence, +faith, and finesse, were accumulated; and the meditative, earnest, +consecrated young woman of twenty-one had no sooner met than they +felt the parity and harmony of their souls. They formed an exalted +friendship, full of solace and happiness to them both, a friendship +charged with the most important results on the destiny of the woman, +since it led to her conversion from the Greek Church to the Catholic, +and gave a deep religious inspiration and stamp to her entire +subsequent life. Such minds have a thousand lofty topics of common +interest to talk of; and they frequently visited each other, +exchanging thoughts with ever-deepening confidence and esteem. "The +cold countenance of the Count de Maistre," Madame Swetchine writes to +her dearest female friend, "conceals a soul of profound sensibility. +Without praising me, he often says pleasing things to me." At another +time, she humorously writes to the same friend: "The Princess Alexis +and I have been to spend an evening at the house of the Count de +Maistre. From deference to the duties of hospitality, he would not +suffer himself a single moment of sleep. He rose with the palm of +victory out of this terrible struggle of nature and politeness; but +who can tell at what a cost?" She said that great griefs had purified +his ambition, and lent a strange interest to him, elevating and +aggrandizing his character. He set an extreme value on her +friendship; and wrote to her, that he should never spare any pains to +preserve in its integrity what he felt was an infinite honor to him. +He wrote to his friend, the Viscount de Bonald, that he had never +seen so much moral strength, talent, and culture, joined with so much +sweetness of disposition, as in Madame Swetchine. On their +separation, by a residence in different countries, De Maistre gave +her a magnificent portrait of himself, on the frame of which he had +written four verses, adjuring the happy image, in answer to the call +of awaiting friendship, to fly, and take its place where the original +would so gladly be. This portrait she kept prominently hung in her +parlor as long as she lived. In one of his letters to her, he writes: +"My thought will always go out to seek you: my heart will always feel +the worth of yours." The memory of this first great friend continued +to hover over her life to the end. In her last days, generously +offended by what she thought the unjust strokes in the portraiture of +De Maistre, presented by Lamartine in his "Confidences," she took up +her pen in refutation, and wielded it with telling effect. This +eloquent vindication of her old friend, when he had been dead nearly +forty years, was one of her latest acts, and truly characteristic of +her tenacious fidelity of affection. + +The enthusiasm shown by the Count de Maistre for the Roman Catholic +Church awakened a deep interest in Madame Swetchine. This interest +was greatly enhanced by the admirable examples of piety and charity +set before her in the lives of several of the French exiles in St. +Petersburg, with whom she had contracted friendships. Especially was +she impressed and attracted by the amiable virtues of the Princess de +Tarente, the devout elevation of her character, and the triumphant +sanctity of her death. Madame Swetchine at length resolved to make a +deliberate examination of the claims of the Roman Church, and to come +to a settled conclusion. Providing herself with an appropriate +library, acompanied only by her adopted daughter Nadine, in the +summer of 1815, she withdrew to a lonely and picturesque estate, +situated on the borders of the Gulf of Finland. Here, through the +days and nights of six months, she plunged into the most laborious +researches, historical and argumentative. The result was, that she +became convinced of the apostolic authority of the Roman primacy, and +avowed herself a Catholic. Soon after this conversion, the Jesuits +were ordered to leave Russia. Indignant at an order which she +regarded as unjust, she openly identified herself with the cause of +these proscribed missionaries. The machinations of the political +enemies of General Swetchine had made his situation disagreeable to +him; and, when he saw those enemies gaining credit, his pride took +offence, and he determined to leave the country. Madame Swetchine's +passion for travel and observation combined with her new religious +faith to make this removal less unwelcome than it would otherwise +have been. + +The close of the year 1816 found her established in Paris, where, +with the exceptions of a year in Russia, and a couple of years in +Italy, she was to reside until her death. The Bourbon nobility, now +recalled to France, and reinstated in power, repaid the generous +kindness she had shown them in St. Petersburg, by giving her a hearty +welcome, and lavishing attentions and affection on her. Her deep +interest in charitable institutions soon brought her into intimate +and most cordial relations with De Gerando. Baron Humboldt and the +Count Pozzo di Borgo, among the earliest to become her friends, were +assiduous visitors at her house; and, in the salon of the brilliant +Duchess de Duras, where she was quickly appreciated and made to feel +at home, she became acquainted with the most interesting and +commanding minds of France at that time, such as Chateaubriand, +Remusat, Cuvier, Montmorency, Villemain, Barante. These persons have +all testified, in turn, to the great impression her character made on +them. + +Madame Swetchine formed with a large number of men of rare excellence +and accomplishments ardent and lasting attachments, which were the +greatest comfort to herself, and administered invaluable inspiration +and happiness to them. Among these, particular mention should be made +of her confessor, the pious and venerable Abbe Desjardins; her +brother-in-law, Father Gargarin; Moreau; Turquety; Montalembert; and, +at a later date, De Tocqueville, who writes to her, "The friendship +of such as you are, imposes obligations." Another expression of De +Tocqueville must not be omitted here: "Let me thank you for your last +letter. It contained, as all your letters do, proofs of an affection +which consoles and strengthens me. I never received a line of your +writing without being sensible of this twofold impression. The reason +is, I think, that one finds in you a heart easily moved, in +connection with a mind firmly fixed upon abiding principles. Here is +the secret of your charm and your sway. I want to profit more than do +by your precious friendship. It distresses me that I succeed so ill." +She was one of those few natures able to forget themselves, take an +enthusiastic interest in others, and devote unwearied pains to +further their interests, sympathize and aid in their pursuits, calm, +refine, enrich, and bless their souls. She sustained the ideal +standards, and raised the self-respect, of every one who enjoyed the +honor of her regard. Accordingly, no noble man could be intimate with +her without grateful and affectionate veneration. M. de Maistre said +of her, "More loyalty, intellect, and learning were never seen joined +to so much goodness." The Viscount de Bonald said, "She is a friend +worthy of you; and one of the best heads I have ever met, effect or +cause of the most excellent qualities of the heart with which a +mortal can be endowed." The poet Turquety sent her an exquisite poem, +descriptive of herself and of his feelings towards her. She wrote in +reply, "Before thanking you, I have thanked God for giving your heart +such an impression of me, unworthy of it as I am. The illusion which +arises from affection is another grace, I had almost said another +virtue. Your accent has a persuasive sincerity; and faith, when it is +vivid, believes in miracles." And then she thus delicately indicates +her objection to the publication of the verses: "I condemn this +charming flower to enchant only my solitude; but this is the better +to gather its fragrance, and it will survive me." + +An invaluable friendship also existed between Madame Swetchine and +Alexander the Emperor of Russia, one of the most interesting and +romantic characters of modern time, of whom she said to Roxandra +Stourdza, "Already above other men, by his glory; by the influence of +religion, he will be above himself." When the famous mystical Madame +de Kriidener appealed to him, in the name of virtue and of religion, +to be true to his own better nature, he burst into tears, and hid his +face in his hands. As she paused apologetically, he exclaimed, "Speak +on, speak on: your voice is music to my soul." She obtained a great +influence over him. He had likewise an enthusiastic attachment for +Napoleon; and Madame de Kriidener called them respectively the white +angel and the black angel. His sensibility to all generous +sentiments, all thoughts of poetic height and richness, was +extraordinarily tender and expansive. He was often known, in the +overwhelming re-action of his emotions, convulsed with tears, to leap +into his carriage alone, and drive out into the solitary country or +forest. Such were the exalted traits of his character, and his many +beautiful deeds, that Madame Swetchine felt her natural relations of +duty and submission transmuted into those of vivid admiration and +devotion. "I fully sympathize," she writes to her earliest bosom- +friend, "with the vivacity of your admiration for our dear Emperor. +What a happiness to be able to eulogize with truth! Let us hope we +are in the aurora of a most beautiful day for Russia. How pleased I +am at having always seen in his soul that which this day shows itself +with a glory so fair and so pure! He is a true hero of humanity. He +seems in his conduct to realize all my dreams of moral dignity; and I +find, at last, in this union of religious sentiments and liberal +ideas, the long-sought resemblance of the type I carry in my mind, +and which has hitherto been qualified as fantastic, the creation of a +too sanguine imagination. In him we see, that, even on the throne, in +the wild tumult of all interests, of all passions, one can remain +man, Christian, philosopher; pursue the wisest and most generous +plans; and carry into his actions every thing that is beautiful, from +the highest justice to the most touching modesty." + +Alexander testified his respect and regret, when Madame Swetchine +departed to reside in Paris, by asking her to be his correspondent. +The correspondence was continued until his death, ten years +afterwards. The Emperor Nicholas, on his accession, restored to +Madame Swetchine all her letters; and she allowed an eminent +statesman, in 1845, to read the whole collection. After her death, no +trace of it was to be found among her papers. It must possess an +intense interest; and it is to be hoped that it still exists, and may +yet one day see the light. + +Perhaps the most intimate and truly devoted of all the friends of +Madame Swetchine was that accomplished member of the French Academy +whose biographic and editorial labors have erected such an attractive +and perdurable monument to her memory, the Count Alfred de Falloux. +The soul of reverence, gratitude, and love exhales in his sentences +when he writes of her. After describing what "she was to all who had +the inexpressible happiness of knowing her," he acids, "and this she +will now be to all who shall read her; and death will but give to her +words one consecration more." But the modesty of M. de Falloux has +not given the public her letters to him, and has kept his personal +relations with her much in the background. We are left to guess the +measure and the activity of their friendship, from indirect +indications. + +On the whole, possibly because of the editor's reticence as to +himself, we are left to believe, that the friend who held the +pre-eminent place in the heart of Madame Swetchine, during the last +twenty-five years of her life, was Father Lacordaire, the illustrious +Catholic preacher. A complete picture of this ardent and unfaltering +friendship is shown in the letters of the two parties, gathered in an +octavo volume of nearly six hundred pages. We know not where, in the +annals of human affection, to find the account of a friendship more +spotless or more morally satisfying than this. The volume which +preserves and exhibits it will be found by all who are duly +interested in the psychology and experience of persons so +extraordinary, both for their genius in society, and for the quantity +and quality of their private experience full of solid instruction and +romantic interest. The inner life of Madame Swetchine was a sacred +epic: the outer career of Lacordaire, an electrifying drama. This +double interest of a private, spiritual ascent, and of a chivalrous +gallantry in the thick of battle, is clearly unfolded in the book +before us. + +The chivalrous young Count de Montalembert was one of the dearest +friends of Madame Swetchine. She said that his soul seemed formed +under the inspiration of the fine thought of Plato: "The beautiful as +a means of reaching the true." Behold, in the following extract from +one of the many letters in which she strove to pacify his perturbed +spirit, by recalling him from the war of politics, and reconciling +his passionate reformatory sentiments with the ruling principles and +authorities of the Catholic Church, the tender wisdom and affection +with which she speaks: "You seize only on the disinterested and +poetic side of these questions, but all the same you are in the +battle, giving and taking blows. And thus, with a mind perfectly +high-toned and honorable, a crystal which is almost a diamond, with +faultless habits, and all the believing and pious sentiments they +involve, you have neither the heart's sweet joy nor its sweet peace. +The reason why you are so ill at ease, is, that your conscience lies +so near your heart that their voices and their troubles are +confounded. My dear Charles, will you not reward me by being all that +my wishes and my prayers would fain make you? I will not say whether +you have the power to rejoice or afflict my heart; but, when you woke +in me a mother's emotions, I cannot believe that you condemned me to +the sorrow of Rachel." + +One day this beloved young man led to the drawing-room of his +maternal friend his heart's brother, the eloquent Lacordaire, then in +the early renown of his wonderful career of ecclesiastical oratory. +Madame Swetchine had already been deeply moved by his preaching, and +was desirous of knowing him. She quickly won his confidence, and +became, what she ever continued to be, a ministering angel to his +spirit. She was much older than he, much more profoundly versed in +human nature, much more soberly balanced and calm in soul. With a +vigilance, a wisdom, and a tenderness that were unwearied and +inexhaustible, she watched his course, studied the wants of his mind +and heart, and labored, as need was, alternately to confirm his +sinking courage and to soothe his excited imagination. Without being +ostensibly such, she was really his spiritual director. "Her subtile +and tender spirit," as Dora Greenwell has remarked, "seems to move +across his heart, to woo and to caress it to peace and goodness, to +call out its deepest concords, as the hand of the skilled musician +moves across his instrument, knowing well each fret and chord of the +sweet viol he doth love." + +It was the greatness, not the weakness, of Lacordaire, that, before +loving God, he had loved glory. Few men have spirit enough truly to +seek fame: it is notice which they wish. The heart of Lacordaire was +a pure fire, encased in a cold intellect. It reminds us of an intense +flame clothed in transparent ice. Sometimes, he said, he hardly knew +whether his voice was moved from within by the spirit, or from +without by renown. In regard to every such scruple Madame Swetchine +was an infallible counsellor. Her advice was as the speech of +incarnate reason and love in their most purified and exalted form. +The heavy perfume that drenched his oratoric atmosphere would have +intoxicated most men with self-adulation; but he offset every such +allurement by constantly withdrawing from trifles, excitements, and +seductions, and spending long hours in the unbroken solitude of +thought and the awful neighborhood of God. If both these extremes +brilliant public triumphs, and severe seclusion and asceticism had +their special dangers, Madame Swetchine was his resistless guardian +against them both. No one who has not read their correspondence, +reaching richly through a whole generation, can easily imagine the +services rendered by this gifted and saintly woman to this holy and +powerful man. Community of faith, of loyalty, of nobleness, joined +them. It was in looking to heaven together that their souls grew +united. Drawn by the same attractions, and held by one sovereign +allegiance, such souls need no vows, nor lean on any foreign support. +The divinity of truth and good is their bond. + +No prayer persuades, no flattery fawns, +Their noble meanings are their pawns: +And so thoroughly is known +Each other's counsel by his own, +They can parley without meeting. + +At first Madame Swetchine shrank from the excessive agitation she +underwent in listening to the great sermons of Lacordaire in Notre +Dame. "I go through all his perils," she said: "I tremble at every +rock; I feel every stroke. His way of speaking acts upon the human +soul in the same way as sanctity: it wounds; but it enraptures." At +length her attendance on his sermons became so constant, and her +pleasure and admiration so obvious, that many of the congregation +supposed her to be literally, as she was morally, his mother. One +day, as she was leaning against a pillar in the crowded church, her +face upturned towards the pulpit, two persons were heard whispering +to each other: "Would you like to see the preacher's mother?" "Why, +she died ten years ago." "No, there she is: look at her." + +The genius of Madame Swetchine was sweeter, serener, more tolerant, +than that of her friend. Her influence on him in these respects was +benignant. He thought more of the strict doctrine: she, more of the +broad and charitable spirit. She once said, concerning dogmas, that +she could consent to see the ocean filtered to a thread of water, if +it but remained pure. He wrote to her, "My dear friend, you have +proved yourself deficient in holy anger; otherwise you would not have +been able to tolerate M." His electric, vehement soul needed exactly +the check her reflective subtilty and prudent consideration gave. So +she tells him once, "I acted as your ballast, or rather I held you by +the skirts of your garment, to retard your too impetuous movements. +Perhaps these are the very attributes with which you would have done +well to invest some one at Rome, who might have united the two +conditions which I fulfilled so perfectly: first, that of not being +you, either in natural disposition, antecedents, or age; second, and +more essential, that of loving you better than you could possibly +love yourself." + +With the lapse of years, their attachment grew closer and deeper. +Lacordaire writes from Rome, "I have been bitterly disappointed in +not hearing from you. You know what a need one has of friendly words +when one is alone and so far away." And when the epistle comes, he +writes to her, "I had no sooner opened your letter than my soul was +inundated with joy." Again he says, "I found in your last letter the +expression of an affection so tender, and a watchfullness so fixed, +that I was melted by it, even to tears." "Your letters are always to +me a balm and a force." In excuse of his own reserve, he strikingly +writes, "Women have this admirable quality, that they can talk as +much as they wish, as they wish, with what expression they wish: +their heart is a fountain that flows naturally. The heart of man, +especially mine, is like those volcanoes whose lava leaps forth only +at intervals after a convulsion." We find Madame Swetchine saying, in +one of her letters to Lacordaire, "I protest against long silences: +they are to me that vacuum of which nature has a horror." The +exceeding care which this discreet woman took always to administer +her advice, her praise, or rebuke, in such a way as not to offend or +injure the most sensitive recipient of it, is a rare lesson for +others. Lacordaire once wrote to her, although he knew very well how +guileless was the motive of her managements, "You say, dear friend, +that you fear to displease me in speaking your thought about me. I +assure you my sole reproach is, that you are too circumspect and +delicate in your style of expression. I appreciate all the more that +flattery which is the guardian escort of truth, because it is wholly +wanting to me. I speak things out too bluntly; and it is true that +almost always men need an extreme sweetness in the language of those +who would benefit them. The heart is like the eyes: it cannot bear +too glaring a light. However, I find you excessive in the art of +shades." Soon afterwards he says, "Excuse my franknesses; with you, +as with God. I can say every thing." Scarcely ever did a man owe more +to a woman than this eloquent and heroic priest to the heavenly- +minded friend who said she loved him as father, brother, and son, all +at once. He deeply felt his debt, and faithfully paid it. He paid it +in loving words and attentions, while she lived, and in a tribute of +immortal eloquence when she was dead. "You appeared to me," he tells +her, "between two distinct parts of my life, as the angel of the Lord +might appear to a soul wavering between life and death, between earth +and heaven." To a common friend he wrote of her, "Her soul was to +mine what the shore is to the plank shattered by the waves; and I +still remember, after the lapse of twenty-five years, all the light +and strength she afforded to me when I was young and unknown." He +dedicated to her his "Life of Saint Dominic," saying, "I wish that +some one of your descendants may one day know that his ancestress was +a woman whom Saint Jerome would have loved as he loved Paula and +Marcella, one who needed only a pen illustrious and saintly enough to +do her justice." Hearing of her last illness, he made a journey of +six hundred miles, to be with her, and lavished on her every winning +word and act that filial love and reverence could suggest; and, after +all was over, he pronounced on her a funeral address, which will +always rank with the highest trophies of his genius. No other words +can be so fitting as his own to close this sketch: + +"She belongs to the nation of the great minds of our age. In a time +of intellectual dependence, when parties bore every thing in their +train, she made no engagement, and submitted to no attraction: she +isolated every question from the noise around her, and placed it in +the silence of eternity. A constant simplicity and an equal elevation +gave to her ideas a personal influence. This double charm might be +resisted; but she could not fail to be loved herself, and to inspire +the desire to become better. Happy mouth, which for forty years made +not an enemy to God, but which poured into a multitude of wounded or +languishing hearts the germ of the resurrection and the rapture of +life! Alas! dear and illustrious lady. I cannot attach to your name +the glory of those Roman women whom Saint Jerome has immortalized; +and yet you were of their race. Conquered for God through the +language of France, you wished to live under the French speech; and, +quitting a country you alwaysloved, you came among us with the +modesty of a disciple and of an exile. But you brought us more than +we gave you. The light of your soul illumined the land which received +you, and for forty years you were for us the sweetest echo of the +gospel and the surest road to honor." + +FRIENDSHIPS OF MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS. + +THE first species of exclusively female friendship is that which +exists between mother and daughter. The maternal tie of organic +instinct and moral guardianship on the one side, and the filial tie +of respect, dependence, and gratitude on the other, form the ordinary +connection of mothers and daughters. In exceptional cases, these +bonds of affectionate protection and pious love are lifted out of the +faded commonplace of custom by deep mutual appreciation and sympathy, +broadened and brightened into a friendship emphatically worthy of the +name. The sight of a mother and a daughter thus happily paired is +beautiful and holy. And there are far more examples of it than the +world knows. + +Probably, the best representation of this union is the one afforded +by Madame de Sevigne and Madame de Grignan. These celebrated ladies, +among the most brilliant of the long roll of distinguished French +women, were possessed of every charm of person and spirit, +fascinating grace, dignity, intelligence, accomplishments, purity, +and generosity. In their early years, they were inseparable. They +hung on each other's looks and motions. The wish of the mother was +the instinctive law of the child. The beautiful image of the +daughter, loved to the verge of distraction, seemed gradually to +occupy the whole being of the mother. For, as Madame de Sevigne +successively lost her idolized husband and her most endeared friend, +the unhappy Fouquet, the maternal instinct seemed to take up into +itself all the baffled or bereaved passions, and, magnified and +vivified by the appropriation, to transform itself into a friendship +which almost annihilated her individuality, beneath the ideal stamp +and transfused impression of that of her daughter. The pain of +parting from her was like the anguish of tearing the soul out of the +body. During the period of their separation, memory took the place of +sight; ideas, of actions; correspondence, of conversation. She +constantly writes to the absent one, and seems to live only for this. +Every observation, reflection, emotion, finds a place in the tender +and immortal record. She spares no pains to make her letters +interesting to the receiver. She writes, "I shall live for the +purpose of loving you. I abandon my life to that occupation." It is +affecting to note the agitation of the mother at every ruffle on the +life of the daughter. In tracing the thoughts, feelings, events, that +vibrated across the relation between them, one can hardly escape the +conviction, that the soul of the younger friend was ideally +superimposed on the self-abnegating soul of the elder friend, and +governed it, as the mental processes of a magnetized person are said +to be superseded by the personality and states of consciousness of +the magnetizer. A single passion has seldom so consistently ruled a +being as the affection of Madame de Sevigne for her daughter; and it +was returned by the latter with all the fervor of which her less +ardent nature was capable. The collection of letters in which the +sentiment and its manifold workings are enshrined, created, as +Lamartine says in his eloquent sketch, a new species of literature, +and formed an epoch in authorship. "The genius of the hearth held the +pen, and the heart flowed through it. The literature of the family, +or confidential conversation written out, began. It is the classic of +closed doors." + +This friendship had an earthly close worthy of its progress. For, +when Madame de Grignan was attacked by a dangerous and lingering +malady, her mother watched incessantly by her bedside, as she had +formerly watched by her cradle. After three months of sleepless care, +she had the joy of seeing the beloved patient return to life; but she +had given her own in exchange. "Intense affection alone seemed to +have enabled her to retain existence until the convalescence of +Madame de Grignan, when it fled, having fulfilled its last object +upon earth. She expired in the arms of her daughter, and surrounded +by her weeping grandchildren. Her last glance fell upon the being +enshrined in her soul, and restored to health by her care. She was +interred in the chapel of the Chateau de Grignan. But her letters are +her true and living sepulchre. Grignan holds her body; but her +correspondence contains her soul." + +Another fine example of a noble and glowing friendship between a +mother and her daughter is furnished by Madame de Rambouillet and +Julie d'Angenne. They were equally endowed with loveliness of person, +attractiveness of mind, elevation of character, and perfection of +manners. They were the magic centres of every circle in which they +moved together. When the plague, of which all Paris was in terror, +seized Madame de Rambouillet's youngest son, she nursed him; and +Julie shut herself in the room with them till the boy died. The sweet +harmony of their souls and intercourse was unmarred, unalloyed, in +life and in death. Some mothers make slaves of their daughters; some +are slaves to them; some even find rivals in them. Some are prevented +from forming friendships, by tyranny on one side or by +insubordination on the other; by selfishness there or by +heartlessness here. Envy, vanity, fickleness, spite, festering +incompatibilities of character, often prove fatal in these veiled and +intimate relations. But when the characters of mother and daughter +are happy accords, or accurate counterparts, rich, lofty, ardent, and +disinterested, the solidly assured friendship which results, is a +felicity scarcely inferior to any known on earth. The example of such +a relation between Mrs. Browne and Mrs. Hemans was charming. Its +inexpressible preciousness to the sensitive soul of that sweet +singer, every reader of sensibility, who traces the numerous +allusions to it in her letters and poems, will recognize with +emotion. There is much in the relation between a mother and the wife +of her son to create peculiar interest and love. And they, allowing +for exceptions of an opposite character, become the warmest friends +in unnumbered instances. A better example can hardly be desired than +is furnished in the sweet pastoral tale of Hebrew Scripture. What +passage in literature is more pervaded with the pathetic charm of the +affection of the early world than the story of Naomi and her widowed +daughter-in-law, Ruth, the Moabitish ancestress of David and of +Jesus? Ruth said, "Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from +following after thee: for whither thou goest I will go; and where +thou lodgest I will lodge; and thy people shall be my people, and thy +God my God. Where thou diest will I die, and there will I he buried. +The Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and +me." So they two, Naomi and Ruth, went till they came to Bethlehem; +and there did they sojourn together until the end. + +All the near ties of kindred, by the closeness of association and +sympathy naturally consequent on them, must often prove the fostering +occasions or incentives of warm and lasting friendships between those +whom they draw together. In thousands of families there is an aunt +who becomes to her nieces a friend only less intimate and trusted +than the mother herself. Such was the case with Mrs. Barhauld and her +brother's only daughter, Lucy Aikin. In a multitude of families there +are likewise cousins bound to each other by bonds as numerous and +glowing as those of sisterhood. So, too, there are countless examples +in which a wife and the sister of her husband grow into the most +ardent sincerity of friendship. An interesting instance of this union +is celebrated by Pliny in his famous panegyric of Trajan. Pliny says +it is a wonder for two ladies of the same quality to dwell in the +same place, without feuds or contention. But he declares that Plotina +and Marciana, the wife and the sister of Trajan, never disputed over +the right of precedence; but had the same intentions, and followed +the same course of life; nay, were scarcely to be distinguished as +two different persons. + +Mrs. Hemans writes, on the eve of the removal of her brother George +to Ireland, "I fear I shall feel very lonely and brotherless, as I +have always been one of a large family circle before. I could laugh +or cry when I think of the helplessness I have contrived to +accumulate." And then she adds, with reference to her sister-in-law, +"In her I shall be deprived of the only real companion I ever had. +She is to leave me on Saturday next; and I am haunted by those +melancholy words of St. Leon's guest, the unhappy old man with his +immortal gifts, Alone! Alone!" + +THERE is also another unspeakably important class of womanly +friendships; namely, those subsisting between sisters. In the fourth +book of the Aeneid, Virgil powerfully paints this union in the +example of Dido and Anna. Scott has drawn an impressive picture of +such a friendship, in the characters of Minna and Brenda Troil; and a +still more affecting one in the story of Jeannie and Effie Deans. +Thrown into constant intimacy, with an endearing community of +inheritance, duties, and associations-multitudes of sisters must +become ardent friends. The failure of that result, in consequence of +base qualities, irritating circumstances, or cold and meagre natures, +is a great misfortune and loss in a household: the fruition of it is +a blessing worthy of the most earnest gratitude of its subjects. +Perhaps there is no species of friendship more sure to elude +publicity. It plays its undramatic part in domestic scenes, avoiding, +rather than asking, the notice of the world. We need not wonder, that +there are so few examples of it sufficiently exciting and public to +induce the historian or biographer to narrate their stories. + +Hannah More and her four sisters were a group of happy friends, who +kept house together for more than half a century. The union of Hannah +and Martha was especially one of entire admiration and fondness. In +Wrington churchyard the remains of the five sisters rest together +under a stone slab, enclosed by an iron railing, and overshadowed by +a yew-tree. + +Mary and Agnes Berry, who were such widely courted favorites, in the +most intellectual society of the time of their ardent friend, Horace +Walpole, dwelt together, for over eighty years, in entire and fervent +affection: and they now sleep side by side in their grave at +Petersham. + +The three wonderful sisters, Charlotte, Anne, and Emily Bronte, were +joined by uncommonly deep and intense bonds. Their strange, fervid +personalities; their solitary, melancholy lives; their tastes and +pursuits; their joys and triumphs, were held in common. Writing to +her best friend, Charlotte says, "You, my dear Miss W., know, as well +as I do, the value of sisters' affection to each other; there is +nothing like it in this world, I believe, when they are nearly equal +in age, and similar in education, tastes, and sentiments." In another +letter, written after she had lost both her sisters, she says, "Emily +had a particular love for the moors; and there is not a knoll of +heather, not a branch of fern, not a young bilberry leaf, not a +fluttering lark or linnet, but reminds me of her. The distant +prospects were Anne's delight; and, when I look round, she is in the +blue tints, the pale mists, the waves and shadows of the horizon." +Let any one, who would understand what these rare natures felt for +each other, read the memoir of her two sisters, prefixed by Charlotte +to "Wuthering Heights" and "Agnes Grey." + +In 1846, Margaret Fuller wrote an account of a visit she had just +paid to Joanna Baillie, whom she had long honored almost above any of +her sex. She says, "I found on her brow, not, indeed, a coronal of +gold, but a serenity and strength undimmed and unbroken by the weight +of more than fourscore years, or by the scanty appreciation which her +thoughts have received. We found her in her little calm retreat, at +Hampstead, surrounded by marks of love and reverence from +distinguished and excellent friends. Near her was the sister, older +than herself, yet still sprightly and full of active kindness, whose +character, and their mutual relations, she has, in one of her last +poems, indicated with such a happy mixture of sagacity, humor, and +tender pathos, and with so absolute a truth of outline." This +admirable, semi-biographical, semi-psychological poem was addressed +by Joanna to her sister Agnes, her dear, life-long companion, on one +of the latest anniversaries of her birthday. It is an interesting +fragment in the literature of the friendships of sisters. + +THE friendship of woman with woman, outside of the ties of blood, is +pictured with varying degrees of fidelity in the works of many +romance writers and novelists. One of the most glowing delineations +of it, also one of the most famous, is given by Richardson in the +character of Clarissa Harlowe. Jane Austen, in her "Northanger +Abbey," treats it with great insight, in the relations of Catherine +Morland, Isabella Thorpe, and Eleanor Tilney. Miss Edgeworth's +"Helen" is likewise full of it: both its sympathies and its +antagonisms are forcibly depicted. Helen Stanley is Lady Cecilia's +double, her second self, her better self. Lady Katrine Hawksby is +such an acidified piece of envy, so jealous of all her sex, that +"every commonly decent marriage of her acquaintance gives her a sad +headache." That there is truth in this bitter stroke cannot be +denied; but there is truth as well in the extreme opposite. Many a +girl, with a sublime self-renunciation, stifling an agony sharper +than death, has given up a lover to a friend, in silence and secrecy. +Women are capable of any sacrifice, and their grandest deeds are +hidden. Could any woman capable of voluntarily withdrawing herself, +in order that her friend might marry the man they both loved, be +capable of boasting of it, or willingly letting it be known? + +Mrs. Barbauld gives a beautiful description of pious friendship in +her hymn beginning, + +How blest the sacred tie that binds +In union sweet according minds! +How swift the heavenly course they run +Whose hearts, whose faith and hope, are one! +Their streaming tears together flow +For human grief and mortal woe; +Their ardent prayers together rise +Like mingling flames in sacrifice. + +Pictures of female friendships, in all their glory and tragedy, their +ecstatic fusions and heroic sacrifices, their bitter jealousies and +inversions, abound in the great dramatists, who are the crowned +expositors of human nature. Auger, Secretary of the French Academy, +in his "Philosophical and Literary Miscellanies," has an excellent +little essay entitled, "The Friendships of Women among themselves +compared with the Friendships of Men among themselves; Difference of +the two Friendships, and the Causes of that Difference." The essay, +though not adequate, is true and suggestive. Charles Lamb's poem of +"The Three Friends, "--Mary, Martha, and Margaret--is an extremely +truthful and effective description of female friendship, its fervor, +jealousy, estrangement, generosity, and restoration. + +Grace Aguilar has written a work expressly on the subject of Woman's +Friendship. Though not a work of a high order, it possesses +considerable interest as a tale; and, as a treatment of the theme, it +is full of sincere feeling and discriminating observations. In Lady +Ida Villiers and Florence Leslie we have a picture of a pair of noble +friends, proof against every trial. The black-hearted falsehood and +hate of Flora Rivers form an effective foil; and, incidentally, there +are many telling strokes and sidelights on the relations of women to +each other. "It is the fashion to deride female friendship," Grace +Aguilar says: "to look with scorn on those who profess it. There is +always to me a doubt of the warmth, the strength, and purity of her +feelings, when a girl merges into womanhood, looking down on female +friendship as romance and folly." The subtile and masterly knowledge +of the characters of women, their weaknesses and their strengths, is +not the least of the charms of that consummate work of art, "The +Princess" of Tennyson. Blanche, Melissa, Ida, Psyche, in their +unions, Two women faster welded in one love Than pairs of wedlock, in +their jealousies, quarrels, aspirations, sorrows, are psychological +studies full of delicate truth. Mrs. Browning's "Aurora Leigh" +discusses many of the same topics, in a manner characteristically +contrasting with Tennyson's, but marked by all her own +conscientiousness, power, and care. Lady Waldemar, Marian Erle, +Aurora Leigh, with the unsparing censures, magnanimous thoughts, and +burning aspirations strewn through this profound and massive work, +are lasting lessons for all womankind. It seems to have been much +easier for most of the critics of this great work to feel its +artistic faults, its jarring metre, and cumbrous forms, than to +appreciate the transcendent nobleness and wisdom wrought into it from +the soul of its creator. + +School-girl friendships are a proverb in all mouths. They form one of +the largest classes of those human attachments whose idealizing power +and sympathetic interfusions glorify the world and sweeten existence. +With what quick trust and ardor, what eager relish, these susceptible +creatures, before whom heavenly illusions float, surrender themselves +to each other, taste all the raptures of confidential conversation, +lift veil after veil till every secret is bare, and, hand in hand, +with glowing feet, tread the paths of paradise Perhaps a more +impassioned portrayal of this kind of union is not to be found in +literature than the picture in "A Midsummer-Night's Dream," which +Shakespeare makes Helena hold before Hermia, when the death of their +love was threatened by the appearance of Lysander and Demetrius: + +Is all the counsel that we two have shared, +The sisters' vows, the hours that we have spent, +When we have chid the hasty-footed time +For parting us, O! is all forgot? +All school-days' friendship, childhood innocence? +We, Hermia, like two artificial gods, +Have with our needles ccreated both one flower, +Both on one sampler, sitting on one cushion, +Both warbling of one song, both in one key, +As if our hands, our sides; voices, and minds +Had been incorporate. So we grew together, +Like to a double cherry, seeming parted, +But yet an union in partition, +Two lovely berries moulded on one stem: +So with two seeming bodies, but one heart; +Two of the first, like coats in heraldry, +Due but to one and crowned with one crest. +And will you rend our ancient love asunder, +To join with men in scorning your poor friend? + +Romantically warm and generous as the friendships of school-boys are, +those of school-girls are much more so. They are more purposed and +absorbing, more sedulously cultivated and consciously important. +School-girls often have their distinctly defined and well-understood +degrees of intimacy--their first, their second, their third, friend. +Thus a thousand little dramas are daily played, full of delights and +woes, of which outsiders, who have no key to them, never so much as +dream. Probably no chapter of sentiment in modern fashionable life is +so intense and rich as that which covers the experience of budding +maidens at school. In their mental caresses, spiritual nuptials, +their thoughts kiss each other, and more than all the blessedness the +world will ever give them is foreshadowed. They have not yet reached +the age for a public record or confession of their pangs and +raptures; so these dramas are for the most part only guessed at. But +keener agonies, more delicious passages, are nowhere else known than +in the bosoms of innocent school-girls, in the lacerations or +fruitions of their first consciously given affections. A startling +illustration has come to the knowledge of the writer just as he is +penning these words. Two girls, about sixteen years old, attending a +private school together, in one of the chief cities of the United +States, formed a strong attachment to each other, and were almost +inseparable. The father of one of the girls, for some reason, had a +dislike for the other, and forbade his daughter to associate with +her. The two friends preferred death to separation. They took +laudanum, and were found dead in each other's arms. What element of +romance or tragedy ever known, is not every day experienced, all +about us, under the thin disguise of commonplace? + +No doubt there is often something a little grotesque or laughable in +these youthful relations. An anecdote will illustrate it, and, at the +same time, convey the corrective moral. There were a couple of +school-girl friends, each of whom loved to do and experience whatever +the other did or experienced. One of them accidentally set fire to +the window-curtains in her chamber, and the house came near being +burned down. She wrote word to her friend of the dangerous accident. +The other at once proceeded carefully to set fire to the curtains in +her chamber, so as to be just like her friend in everything. + +One may well reprove, with a complacent smile of superiority, +the folly of the act; but the sentiment underneath should never be +ridiculed. + +A harrowing instance of the suffering consequent on the overstrung +feelings of girls is furnished by Margaret Fuller in the story of +"Mariana," a vivid autobiographic leaf inserted in her "Summer on the +Lakes." Much precious wisdom is learned, many cruel scars are +received, in these sincere, though often fickle, connections--these +inebriating preludes to the sober strain of existence. There is a +touch of sadness in the thought that the earliest friendship of youth +must so frequently fade and cease. But there is comfort for that +sadness in the knowledge that the fair flowers of April are but +precursors of those which June shall fill with the richer fragrance +of a more royal fire. + +Oft first love must perish +Like the poor snow-drop, boyish love of Spring, +Born pale to die, and strew the path of triumph +Before the imperial glowing of the rose, +Whose passion conquers all. + +Some of the conditions for friendship between women are furnished in +a high degree in the secluded intimacy of conventual life, with its +stimulus of solitude and religious romance. Under such circumstances, +Madame Roland, in her youth, had an ardent union with Angelique +Boufflers. She had likewise a precious friendship of this kind with +the two sisters, Sophie and Henrietta Cannet. Her description of the +sisters' arrival at the convent, of the sensation which they made, +and of her own love for them, is extrernel, graphic and spirited. Her +letters to them, extending through many years, and reaching in number +to near two hundred and fifty, give us one of the best record of the +value and joy of a friendship whose parties, b: freely unbosoming +themselves to each other, assuage every pang and double every +delight. + +Among the crowds of nuns, young ladies of noble families and refined +education, early set apart to this mode of existence, with all their +glowing sentiments and dreams undispelled by the cold touch of the +world, the inviting and innocent vent of sisterly love must often +have been welcomed as a heavenly boon, and improved with enthusiasm. +Also a deep affection, mixed of many choice ingredients of authority, +dependence, admiration, sympathy, and tenderness, must frequently +have sprung up, and been nourished to an intense development, between +Lady Superiors and their pupils, Abbesses and nuns. The relation of +Mother Agnes Arnauld and Jacqueline Pascal exhibits an instance. The +correspondence and memoirs of Madame de Chantal afford many striking +examples. In the Order of the Visitation, founded by her, and whose +outlines were drawn by St. Francis of Sales, the element of Christian +friendship plays a large part. The Lady Superior has an aide, a +sister chosen by herself, to admonish and warn her of her faults, and +to receive all complaints from those who might feel that she had +wronged or aggrieved them. The duty of the directress of the novices +is to exercise them in obedience, sweetness, and modesty; to clear +from their minds all those follies, whims, sickly tendernesses, by +which their characters might be enfeebled; to instruct them in the +practice of virtue, the best methods of prayer and meditation; and to +give them a wise and patient sympathy and guidance in every exigency. + +Madame de Longueville and Angeliaue Arnauld formed an impassioned +friendship, worthy of mention as one of the richest on record--after +the conversion of the former, and her retirement from the world. +Unquestionably, if, at the waving of a wand, all the secrets of +conventual life, of the female religious orders, could be revealed, a +host of friendships would swarm to light, many of them as pure as +those which link the white-robed angels. Yet, in affirming this, one +need not be supposed ignorant of the meagre and repulsive phase of +the life sometimes led in the convent, its mechanical ritual, its +cold rules, and its irritating espionage. + +The unions of heart formed between queens, princesses, or other great +ladies, and their favorite maids of honor or their chosen companions, +when these happen to be especially congenial, compose a still further +class of female friendships. They are very frequent, and are +especially attractive, on account of the scenes of rank and splendor, +conspicuous romance and tragedy, amidst which they occur. Kadidasa, +in his "Sakoontahi," that exquisite picture of ancient Hindu life, +shows us the beautiful akoontaltl, constantly accompanied by her two +confidential friends, Priyamvada and Anastiya. In the biographies of +royal houses, it is a common occurrence to meet with an unhappy queen +who was so fortunate as to find refuge and consolation for the +sorrows inflicted on her by an unfaithful or cruel husband, in the +ever-ready sympathy of some attendant, some true and loving woman of +her court. In the annals of courts, the examples of jealousies and +quarrels, of confidants turning rivals, and of maids undermining and +ousting their mistresses, are also unhappily frequent. So, for +instance, Maintenon displaced her patroness, Montespan; so Anne of +Austria, after years of utter devotion, successively alienated her +self-forgetful friends, Madame de Chevreuse, Mademoiselle de la +Fayette, and the incomparable Mademoiselle de Hautefort; so did the +unhappy Marie de Medicis, after half a life-time of lavished +fondness, forsake her faithful Eleonora Galigaei, and turn against her +in the cruel selfishness of misfortune and danger. + +Catherine Picard was the beloved companion of Blanche of Lancaster. +Her sister, Philippa Picard, was the favorite of Philippa, queen of +Edward the Third. She was so attached to her mistress, that she kept +her lover, the immortal Chaucer, waiting for her hand eight years, +until the death of the queen set her free. Catherine Douglas, maid of +honor to the Lady Jane Beaufort, wife of James the First of Scotland, +showed her love for her queen by a deed which history and song will +never forget to celebrate. When the assassins were forcing their way +into the royal chamber, Catherine thrust her beautiful arm into the +stanchion of the door, as a bolt, and held it there till it was +broken. + +Mary Stuart was blessed with the society of four maids of honor, +lovely girls of rank, about her own age, named for her, and appointed +from childhood to be her companions. Their names were Mary Flemming, +Mary Seton, Mary Beton, and Mary Livingstone; and they were called +the Queen's Marys. Through her unhappy fortunes, imprisonments and +all, they remained with her, and ardently loved her, whatever her +errors may have been. With the exception of Mary Seton, who, on +account of illness, had withdrawn to a convent in France, they +accepted, for the sake of supporting and comforting her, even the +anguish of witnessing her execution. + +The attendants of Queen Elizabeth, on the other hand, detested her. +When, in her age and ugliness, she would no longer look in a glass, +it is said they used to amuse themselves with powdering her cheeks, +and rouging her nose. Elizabeth, as a woman, no doubt hated Mary for +her fascinations more than, as a queen, she feared her for her +political pretensions; and, in spite of every justifying argument, it +must be said, that she treated her with cruel treachery. In their +earlier days, Elizabeth sent Mary a most rare diamond ring as a +pledge of her friendship, and accompanied it with earnest promises of +aid and sympathy. Aubrey describes this ring as consisting of +separate parts, which, united, formed the device of two right hands +supporting a heart between them, the heart itself being composed of +two diamonds held together by a spring. The Queen of Scots, in her +final distress, dispatched this token to Elizabeth by a trusty +messenger, and in return was ordered to the block. Mrs. Jameson +eloquently thinks, we must feel that the scale was set even, when we +remember how Mary was loved, how Elizabeth was hated, and died at +last in loneliness, writhing on the floor like a crushed spider. +However much to be regretted, it is yet natural that the powerful +facts and logic of the later historians, like Froude, should find our +prejudices so stubbornly set in favor of Mary, and against Elizabeth. +They will change slowly; but I suppose they must, in a large degree, +change. Sarah Jennings, famous as that Duchess of Marlborough whom +Pope so fearfully satirized under the name of Atossa, having been +selected as lady in waiting of Queen Anne, was immediately taken to +her bosom. The queen asked no subserviency: "Afriend is what I most +want," she said. They laid aside all titles, and addressed each other +as equals under the assumed names of Mrs. Freeman and Mrs. Morley. +This lackadaisical relation subsisted for several years. At length +Mrs. Morley and Mrs. Freeman disappeared in the Queen and the +Duchess. The familiarity and arrogance of "Queen Sarah" became +insufferable to Queen Anne, and the quondam friends parted as +irreconcilable foes. Swift says of Queen Anne, that she "had not a +sufficient stock of amity for more than one person at a time." She +would always have a favorite, now, Miss Jennings; afterwards, Miss +Hill, better known as Lady Masham, the earnest friend of Locke; then, +somebody else. + +In the terrible romance of the life of Marie Antoinette, the deserved +friendships and the undeserved hatreds that clustered around the +stately, affectionate, ill-fated queen, are clothed with exceeding +interest. In the memoirs of the Countess D'Adhemar, the most beloved +and steadfast of her attendants, who was equally her watchful servant +and her trusted friend, all the details of these attractions and +aversions may be found, drawn as only a woman would draw them. Madame +Geniis, whose overtures for familiarity were repulsed, plotted +against her with spiteful vindictiveness. Madame Campan, whom the +queen loved and took into her service, in return idolized and sought +to shield and bless her. By far the first, however, in the heart of +the queen, was the Princess Lamballe, a young widow, whose charms of +person and of character made her one of the most universally admired +women of that period. The queen revived for the princess the office +of superintendent of the household, that she might live at +Versailles. Their attachment, based on mutual esteem and tenderness, +and nurtured by many events, grew enthusiastic. It became the fashion +for every lady to have a friend, who accompanied her wherever she +went, to whom morning notes were written, and with whom tea was +sipped, and the evening spent, after the pattern of Antoinette and +Lamballe. The princess showed herself as heroic in devotion to her +friend, amidst the horrible carnival which surrounded the close of +their lives, as she had been modest, gentle, and sympathizing in the +brilliant season that preceded. A few days before the terrible crisis +of the Revolution burst on the head of the queen herself, the +princess, who occupied a room in the palace, adjoining that of her +friend, that she might share all her tears and dangers, was called +for a short time to the Chateau de Vernon, by the illness of her aged +father-in-law. Marie seized the opportunity to write a letter to her +friend, begging her to take care of herself and not return. "Your +heart would be too deeply wounded, you would have too many tears to +shed over my misfortunes, you who love me so tenderly. Adieu, my dear +Lamballe; I am always thinking of you; and you know I never change." + +The princess hastened back to the side of her imperilled mistress. +With unfaltering fondness and resolution she clung to her through the +sack which filled the palace with ruins and blood; through the +tedious and brutal examinations in the Assembly; and through the +fearful imprisonment in the Temple, until the jailers violently tore +her from the arms of her sobbing friend. In vain the ferocious +wretches in power strove to wring from her something prejudicial to +the queen. The brave and beautiful woman preferred death; and was +delivered over to the crowd to be murdered. Madame de Lebel, to whom +the princess had been very kind, was going to inquire after the fate +of her beloved benefactress, when she heard the howls of an +approaching procession. She ran into the shop of a hairdresser; and +was quickly followed by one of the mob, who ordered the master of the +shop to dress the head of Madame de Lamballe. The princess was +celebrated for the length and richness of her fine, golden locks. At +this very moment, concealed among their bright, clustering masses, +was found the letter from Antoinette, quoted above. The barber took +the poor, disfigured head into his hands, cleansed the face from +blood, and arranged and powdered the ringlets. The ruffian said, +"Antoinette will recognize it now;" and, replacing it on the point of +his pike, moved forward with the mob to the prison of the unhappy +queen, before whose windows they elevated the appalling trophy, at +the same time shrieking to her to look on it. After this experience, +and others scarcely less revolting, we may well believe that the +high-souled daughter of Maria Theresa welcomed the executioner's axe +as a blessed relief. We see her, clad in the pale royalty of her +personal beauty and grief, refusing insult, moving, in the death- +cart, through the yelling masses of the populace, to her doom, like a +goddess, incapable of degradation, borne in a car above an infuriated +herd of apes, who vainly struggle to drag her down to themselves. +Madame Salvage de Faverolles had a passionate faculty of admiration. +She was fascinated with Madame Weamer, who was not much drawn to her, +though she always treated her with kindness. Her unclaimed affection +at length found its home in Queen Hortense, the daughter of +Josephine, and the mother of Louis Napoleon. She was inseparable from +her, and was called, with a touch of satire or humor, her body-guard. +She identified herself with every enterprise, hope, or thought of her +friend; accompanied her on every journey; watched over her in her +last sickness, night and day, with heroic fidelity; and, after her +death, executed her will in all particulars. The present Emperor of +France has always had the credit of an ardent love for his mother. A +just sentiment of gratitude would seem to require him--if he has not +already done it--to enshrine, with tributary honor, close beside the +ashes of the unhappy queen of Holland, those of Madame Salvage, the +most unwearied and inalienable of all her friends. + +PAIRS OF FEMALE FRIENDS. + +PASSING on from the classes of feminine friendships now described, we +come to individual instances of this affection in pairs of women. The +young Beatrice Portinari, and Giovanna, that chosen companion of +hers, who, for the singular freshness of her beauty, was called by +the Florentines, Primavera, the Spring, are immortalized as a pair of +friends by the divine touch of Dante, in his "Vita Nuova," where he +mentions them under the names of Monna Vanna and Monna Bice. Very +likely they were schoolgirls together, who did not suffer the +fondness engendered in their shared studies and painted hopes and +opening dreams of life to cease with the close, of that enchanted +era. + +Lady Dorothea Sydney and Lady Sophia Murray were a pair of friends +whom it must have been delightful to contemplate, and is still, in a +paler way, delightful to recall by literary reminiscence. They were +the Sacharissa and Amoret of Waller. He dedicates a graceful poem to +their friendship. These lines Occur in it: + +Not the silver doves that fly +Yoked to Cytherea's car; +Not the wings that lift so high, +And convey her son so far, +Are so lovely, sweet, and fair, +Or do more ennoble love, +Are so choicely matched a pair, +Or with more consent do move. + +Regina Collier and Katherine Phillips were, for a long period, a +happy pair of friends. Friendship held so large a place in the life +and writings of the latter lady that a brief sketch of her +experience, and of its expression, will be interesting. The Mrs. +Katherine Phillips, to whom Jeremy Taylor dedicated his celebrated +discourse on the "Offices and Measures of Friendship," enjoyed a +great reputation among her contemporaries, in the middle of the +seventeenth century, and in the succeeding generation, as a woman of +accomplishments and genius. Now that she is almost forgotten, it +surprises one to read the extravagant published compliments lavished +on her, in her life-time, by so many distinguished persons. The most +remarkable peculiarity, alike of her character and of her literary +productions, is the extraordinary prominence in them of the sentiment +of friendship. She seems nearly all her life to have been enamored of +this experience. Her affectionate spirit drew people to her by its +strong charms, and still breathes vividly in her neglected pages. The +overcharged and somewhat fantastic ideal of friendship which she +unweariedly strove to realize in her relations with various persons, +was so sincere and earnest in heart, that no one, who appreciates it, +can suffer himself to ridicule, though he may smile at, its apparent +affectation on the surface. Its deep ear nestness is proved in her +life and character, as set forth by her associates: its superficial +fancifullness appears in the sentimental names she was pleased to +give herself and her friends. She was Orinda: her friends were +Palmon, Poliarchus, Philaster, Silvander, Polycrite, Valeria, +Lucasia, Rosania. Friendship is prominently treated in nearly every +thing that she wrote. Her friendships with men, Jeremy Taylor, +Francis Finch, Sir Charles Cotterel, and others, were as happy and +unbroken as they were fervent and pure. Her long correspondence with +Cotterel was published under the title, "Letters from Orinda to +Poliarchus." When Finch had written his treatise on friendship, Mrs. +Phillips addressed to him a poem, inscribed, "To the Noble Palmon, on +his Incomparable Discourse of Friendship:" + +Temples and statues time will eat away; +And tombs, like their inhabitants, decay: +But here Palm non lives, and so he must +When marbles crumble to forgotten dust. + +There is also in her volume of poems, another one addressed to "Mr. +Francis Finch, the Excellent Palmmon:" + +'Twas he that rescued gasping friendship, +when The bell tolled for her funeral with men: +'Twas he that made friends more than lovers burn, +And then made love to sacred friendship turn. + +Mrs. Phillips was less fortunate in the sequels to her friendships +with persons of her own sex; though, while they lasted, they were, +at least on her side, moreardent and entire. Her principal female +friends were Regina Collier, whom she named Rosania, and Mrs. Anne +Owen, designated, in all their communications, as Lucasia. Many of +her poems were written to these two idolized friends. She +concludes a most glowing celebration of her union with the former, +thus: + +A dew shall dwell upon our tomb, +Of such a quality +That fighting armies, thither come, +Shall reconciled be. +We'll ask no epitaph, but say, +ORINDA and ROSANIA. + +The exaggerated pitch of sentiment in Orinda, the sensitive and +absorbing demands of her affection, and, perhaps, some lightness, or +even falsity, on the part of Rosania, led to a rupture. The indignant +and unhappy Orinda expressed her sorrows in several heartfelt poems, +one of which bears the superscription, "To the Queen of Inconstancy, +Regina Collier:" + +Unworthy, since thou hast decreed +Thy love and honor both shall bleed, +My friendship could not choose to die +In better time or company. + +Another is entitled, "On Rosania's Apostacy and Lucasia's +Friendship." For the injured Orinda tried to find solace for the loss +of an old, in the arms of a new, friend; or, rather, by transferring +to one, in intensified unity, the love and attention she had before +divided between two. She writes "To my Lucasia, in Defence of +Declared Friendship," + +I did not live until this time Crowned my felicity, +When I could say, without a crime, +I am not thine but thee. + +And, again, in "Friendship's Mystery, To my dearest Lucasia," + +Our hearts are mutual victims laid, +While they, such power in friendship lies, +Are altars, priests, and offerings made; +And each heart which thus kindly dies, +Grows deathless by the sacrifice. + +For a good while this attachment kept its keen flavor, and was only +heightened by sympathy in misfortunes and distress. Cowley celebrated +it in the following lines: + +The fame of friendship which so long had told +Of three or four illustrious names of old, +Till hoarse and weary of the tale she grew, +Rejoices now to have got a new, +A new and more surprising story, +Of fair Lucasia and Orinda's glory. + +Mr. Owen, Lucasia's husband, died. Mrs. Phillips went from a distance +to visit her bereaved friend, and they fell into each other's arms +with copious tears. In a poem, Orinda describes this meeting under +the beautiful image of two sister rivulets, which, creeping from +their separate springs, in secret currents under ground, burst +together at last, swollen by their own embraces to a flood. Lucasia +marries again, and becomes Lady Dungannon. This marriage, by the new +scenes, ties, and pleasures it introduces, proves the undoing of poor +Orinda's happiness. Lucasia cools towards her, allows her less space +in her heart than she craves; and finally we have a reluctant +farewell poem, bearing the ominous title, "Orinda to Lucasia. +Parting, October, 1661, at London: + +"Adieu, dear object of my love's excess, +And with thee all my hopes of happiness. +I to resign thy dear converse submit, +Since I can neither keep nor merit it: +I ask no inconvenient kindness now, +To move thy passion or to cloud thy brow; +And thou wilt satisfy my boldest plea +By some few soft remembrances of me. + +The lines may remind one of the pathetic sentiment expressed almost +two hundred years later by a kindred heart. Eugenie de Guerin says, +"In the moment of union, the seed of separation is sown. Cruel +illusion, the belief in friendships that are eternal. The knowledge +is bitter, but let me learn the lesson." Yes: learn the lesson +indeed, so far as it is true; but do not exaggerate it, nor let it +cast too wide and dense a shadow over the rest of life. + +Elizabeth Rowe seems to have had a heart peculiarly alive to tender +attachments. And she was happy in winning and retaining many friends. +Her superiors, her equals, her servants, all loved her as one of the +best of women. Her "Friendship in Death, in Twenty Letters from the +Dead to the Living," enjoyed great celebrity in its day. The +beautiful Countess Hertford was her enthusiastic friend. She +exchanged many visits with her, again and again leaving her own +stately mansion to abide in the humble house of her admired friend; +and she sacredly cherished her memory after death had parted them. +Thomson, in the original form of his "Hymn to Solitude," celebrated +these friends as "Philomela and the gentle-looking Hertford." Lady +Hertford had so affectionate a heart, so rich a mind, so gracious a +mien, and was so tenacious in her fondnesses, that she captivated the +souls of many of her contemporaries. She was the patron of Thomson, +who, in some exquisite lines, dedicated his "Spring" to her. She +rewarded the young Elizabeth Carter for a poem in honor of Mrs. Rowe, +with her steadfast love and her correspondence. But her most +important friendship was that with the Countess of Pomfret. This ran +through the largest part of her life, was a source of the greatest +comfort and edification to them both, and has left a monument of its +unwavering sincerity and fullness in the long series of their +published letters. + +Mrs. Montague's passion for friendships led her to form intimacies +with many of the most distinguished persons of her time, both men and +women. When she was Elizabeth Robinson, at the age of twelve she +exchanged her doll for a living friend, in the person of Lady +Margaret Harley, who became the celebrated Duchess of Portland. This +intimacy was kept up to the end of their lives, by constant letters, +visits, and other endearments. The admirable Mrs. Barbauld, Hannah +More, and Elizabeth Carter, were also her cherished friends. She was +the founder of the far-famed "Blue-Stocking Club." Few friendships, +it is certain, have ever existed between women more thoroughly sound +and comforting than that of Hannah More and Mrs. Garrick. After the +death of the great tragedian, Hannah spent a large part of her time +with his widow. Mrs. Garrick fondly called Miss More her chaplain. As +friends of Elizabeth Carter, besides those already named, Pulteney, +Earl of Bath, Mr. Montague, Dr. Johnson, Sir George Lyttleton, +Archbishop Seeker, Miss Sutton, Mrs. Vesey, and, above all, Miss +Catherine Talbot, deserve to be especially Mentioned. Miss Carter and +Miss Talbot corresponded regularly for thirty years, and shared +almost every secret. Not a single misunderstanding occurred to mar +the placidity of their solid confidence and good will. It is a +pleasure, even at this day, to look through their voluminous, rather +stiff and prosy, but entirely sensible and affectionate +correspondence. + +There was an ardent friendship, of which the details have perished, +between the once famous novelist and poet, Charlotte Smith, and the +lovely, unhappy, romantic Henrietta, Lady O'Niel. + +Twelve times the moon, that rises red +O'er yon tall wood of shadowy pine, +Has filled her orb, since low was laid, +My Harriet, that sweet form of thine! + +No more thy friendship soothes to rest +This wearied spirit, tempest-tossed: +The cares that weigh upon my breast +Are doubly felt since thou art lost. + +But, ere that wood of shadowy pine +Twelve times shall yon full orb behold, +This sickening heart, that bleeds for thine, +My Harriet, may like thine be cold! + +Anna Seward, considerably admired in her own generation, as a beauty +and as a writer, though the great faults of her judgment and style +are fast bringing oblivion over her pages, was a devoted friend of +that beautiful Honora Sneyd of whom Major Andre was the rejected +lover. It was a profound sympathy with both the parties which +prompted the composition of her once famous "Monody on Major Andre." +One is sorry to learn, that, on the marriage of Honora with Mr. +Edgeworth, and her removal to Ireland, her friendship for Anna, as +often happens in such cases, died of a slow consumption. But, on the +other side, the early affection never ceased to glow. Miss Seward +writes to one of her lady friends, "When my attachment to Cornet sunk +in the snow-drifts of his altered conduct, Honora Sneyd, educated in +our family from five years old, was commencing woman, and only eight +years younger than myself; more lovely, more amiable, more +interesting than any thing I ever saw in the female form. Death had +deprived me of my beloved and only sister, who had shared with me in +the delightful task of instructing our angelic pupil; and, when +disappointed love threw all the energies of my soul into the channel +of friendship, Honora was its chief object. The charms of her +society, when her advancing youth gave equality to our connection, +made Lichfield an Edenic scene to me. Ah, how deeply was I a fellow +sufferer with Major Andre on her marriage! We both lost her for +ever." + +The following verses, written by Anna to Honora, from the seaside, +are pleasing in the picture they present and in the sentiment they +enshrine. The prophecy they make has also been fulfilled: + +I write Honora on the sparkling sand! +The envious waves forbid the trace to stay: +Honora's name again adorns the strand, +Again the waters bear their prize away! + +So Nature wrote her charms upon thy face, +The cheek's bright bloom, the lip's envermeilled dye, +And every gay and every witching grace +That youth's warm hours and beauty's stores supply. + +But Time's stern tide, with cold Oblivion's wave, +Shall soon dissolve each fair, each fading charm; +E'en Nature's self, so powerful, cannot save +Her own rich gifts from this o'erwhelming harm. + +Love and the Muse can boast superior power; +Indelible the letters they shall frame: +They yield to no inevitable hour, +But on enduring tablets write thy name. + +Romney, in his fancy-picture of Serena reading by candle-light, +accidentally produced an accurate likeness of this lost friend of +Miss Seward's heart. "Drawing his abstract idea of perfect +loveliness, the form and the face of Honora Sneyd rose beneath his +pencil." This beauteous resemblance Anna hung in her room, and made +her constant companion. "It contributes to endear, as the bright +reality endeared, in times long past, this pleasant mansion to my +affections. Thus are those dear lineaments ever present to my sight, +retouching the traits of memory, over which indistinctness is apt to +steal." Again she says, "The luxury of mournful delight with which I +continually gaze upon that form, is one of the most precious comforts +of my life." Years after, in giving to Lady Eleanor Butler and Miss +Ponsonby an account of a recent journey she had made, Miss Seward +writes, "The stars glimmered in the lake of Weston, as we travelled +by its side: but their light did not enable me to distinguish the +church, beneath the floor of whose porch rests the mouldered form of +my heart, dear Honora. Yet of our approach to that consecrated spot +my spirit felt all the mournful consciousness." In her poem on the +death of her intimate friend. Andre, Miss Seward had written, + +O Washington! I thought thee great and good, +Nor knew thy Nero-thirst for guiltless blood, +Severe to use the power that Fortune gave, +Thou cool, determined Murderer of the Brave! + +It is interesting to read in a letter, written by her long afterwards +to the Ladies of Llangollen, "A few years after peace was signed +between this country and America, an officer introduced himself, +commissioned by Washington to call upon me, and to assure me from the +general himself, that no circumstance of his life had been so +mortifying as to be censured in the "Monody on Andre" as the pitiless +author of his ignominions fate; that he had labored to save him; that +he requested my attention to papers on the subject, which he had sent +by this officer for my perusal. On examining them, I found they +entirely acquitted the general. They filled me with contrition for +the rash injustice of my censure." + +An extraordinary instance of feminine friendship, of the courage and +sacrifice the affections will prompt in woman, was afforded in the +relation of Anna Seward to the Countess of Northesk. The countess, +afflicted by a malady which had baffled the most skilful physicians +in London, was drawn to Lichfield by the fame of Dr. Darwin. She +staid for some time at his house, and awakened the deepest interest +in his family and friends. Miss Seward was especially attracted by +her engaging manners and disposition, as well as by sympathy for her +peril, and for the distress of her husband and children. She was +unwearied in efforts to alleviate the sufferings and the weary hours +of the countess, whose fervent gratitude re-acted to enhance to +enthusiasm the interest of the fair ministrant. One day, Dr. Darwin +suggested the possibility of effecting a cure of his patient by +transfusing into her veins a supply of vital blood, freshly taken +from some healthy person. Anna, then in the full bloom of youth, +instantly offered her own veins. The project was abandoned from want +of sufficiently delicate instruments. But the countess was deeply +affected by the generous offer of her friend, and repaid it with the +most affectionate attachment. She was restored to health; and, on +returning home, sent Miss Seward the gift of a set of jewels, in +token of her love. They continued to correspond with each other until +the tragic death of the countess by the accidental burning of her +dress. + +The most remarkable instance in history, perhaps, of a pair of female +friends is the romantic example of the Ladies of Llangollen, whose +story, widely renowned two generations ago, is now obliterated from +popular knowledge, save in meagre literary allusions. + +A little after the middle of the eighteenth century, Lady Eleanor +Butler and Miss Sarah Ponsonby, two young women of wealth and high +station, formed an extreme mutual attachment, and were possessed with +an ardent desire to forsake the world, and devote their lives to each +other. Taking measures accordingly, they departed to an obscure +retreat in the country. Their relatives frowned on this eccentricity, +traced them out in their hiding-place, and, despite their +protestations, separated them, and brought them back. But they soon +effected a second elopement, which proved a successful and permanent +one. Confiding the place of their flight only to a single faithful +servant, they sacrificed, in the prime of their lives, the prizes and +the glare of the fashionable world, and settled down in a secret nook +of beauty and peace. In the romantic Valley of Llangollen, in Wales, +one of the sweetest and quietest spots on earth, they bought a +charming cottage, fitted it up with every comfort, and adorned it +with exquisite taste. Here, in this remote and lovely haunt, amply +provided with books, pictures, and other means of culture, giving +themselves up to the enjoyment of their own society, they lived +together in uninterrupted contentment for nearly threescore years. +For a long period, their neighbors, ignorant of their names, knew +them only as the "Ladies of the Vale." For a quarter of a century, it +is said, they never spent twenty-four hours at a time out of their +happy valley. + +They seem never to have fallen out, never to have wearied of each +other, never to have repented of their repudiation of public life. By +books and correspondence, they kept up a close connection with the +brilliant world they had deserted. The romance of their action, +penetrating far and wide, through cultivated circles, brought many +distinguished visitors to their hospitality, literary and titular +celebrities from all parts of Great Britain, likewise from the +continent. Many of these became fast friends to them; and, in letters +to other persons, speak of their fine qualities of sentiment and +taste, their engaging traits of character and manners. Madame Geniis +writes rapturously of her tarry with them, the charms of their +residence, and especially of the Aeolian harp, which she there heard +for the first time, amid the befitting associations of the mystic +legends and natural minstrelsy of Welsh landscape. Mrs. Tighe also, +the winsome but unfortunate authoress of the "Loves of Psyche and +Cupid," on departing from their cottage after a delighted stay, left +upon her table a beautiful sonnet addressed to them. + +But Miss Anna Seward; between whom and the pair of friends a warm +affection was cherished, has given the fullest description known to +us of the home and habits of the Ladies of Llangollen. She thought +that the compliment Hayley paid to Miers, the miniature painter, + +"His magic pencil in its narrow space +Pours the full portion of uninjured grace" + +might be transferred to the talents and exertion which converted a +cottage in two acres and a half of turnip ground to a fairy palace +amid the bowers of Calypso. It consisted of four small apartments; +the exquisite cleanliness of the kitchen, its utensils and auxiliary +offices, vying with the finished elegance of the light-some little +dining-room, as that contrasted with the gloomy grace of the library +into which it opened. This room was fitted up in the Gothic style, +the door and large sash windows of that form--the latter of painted +glass, shedding a dim religious light. Candles were seldom admitted +into this apartment. The ingenious friends had invented a kind of +prismatic lantern, which occupied the whole elliptic arch of the +Gothic door. This lantern was of cut glass, variously colored, +inclosing two lamps with their reflectors. The light it imparted +resembled that of a volcano--sanguine and solemn. It was assisted by +two glowworm lamps, that, in little marble reservoirs, stood on the +opposite chimney-piece. These supplied the place of the daylight, +when the dusk of evening sabled, or night wholly involved the +solitude. A large Aeolian harp was fixed in one of the windows; and, +when the weather permitted them to be open, it breathed its deep +tones to the gale, swelling and softening as that rose and fell. + +Ah me! what hand can touch the strings so fine? +Who up the lofty diapason roll +Such sweet, such sad, such solemn airs divine, +And let them down again into the soul? + +This saloon of the two Minervas, Miss Seward says, contained the +finest editions, superbly bound, and arranged in neat wire cases, of +the best authors in prose and verse, which the English, French, and +Italian languages boast. Over them hung the portraits in miniature, +and some in larger ovals, of the favored friends of these celebrated +votaries to the sentiment which exalted the characters of Theseus and +Peirithous, of David and Jonathan. + +The wavy and shaded gravel-walk which encircled this elysium was +enriched with curious shrubs and flowers. It was nothing in extent, +every thing in grace and beauty and in variety of foliage. In one +part of it you turned upon a small knoll, which overhung a deep, +hollow glen. At the tangled bottom of this glen, a frothing brook +leaped and clamored over the rough stones in its channel. A large +spreading beech canopied the knoll, and beneath its boughs a +semilunar seat admitted four persons. It had a fine effect to enter +the Gothic library at dusk, as Miss Seward says she first entered it. +The prismatic lantern diffused a light gloomily glaring, assisted by +the paler flames of the little lamps on the chimney-piece. Through +the open windows was shown a darkling view of the lawn, of the +concave shrubbery of tall cypresses, yews, laurels, and lilacs, of +the wooded amphitheatre on the opposite hill, and of the gray, barren +mountain which forms the background. The evening star had risen above +the mountain; and the airy harp rang loudly to the breeze, completing +the magic of the scene. + +And what of the enchantresses themselves, beneath whose wand these +graces arose? Lady Eleanor was of middle height, and somewhat over- +plump, her face round and fair, with the glow of luxuriant health. +She had not fine features, but they were agreeable, enthusiasm in her +eye, hilarity and benevolence in her smile. She had uncommon strength +and fidelity of memory, an exhaustless fund of knowledge, and her +taste for works of imagination, particularly for poetry, was very +awakened; and she expressed all she felt with an ingenuous ardor, at +which cold-spirited beings stared. Both the ladies read and spoke +most of the modern languages, and were warm admirers of the Italian +poets, especially of Dante. Miss Ponsonby, somewhat taller than her +friend, was neither slender nor otherwise, but very graceful. Easy, +elegant, yet pensive, was her address; her voice, kind and low. A +face rather long than round, a complexion clear, but without bloom, +with a countenance whose soft melancholy lent it peculiar interest. +If her features were not beautiful, they were very attractive and +feminine. Though the pensive spirit within permitted not her dimples +to make her smile mirthful, they increased its sweetness, and, +consequently, her power of engaging the affections. We could see, +through the veil of shading reserve, that all the talents and +accomplishments which enriched the mind of Lady Eleanor, existed with +equal power in her charming friend. Such are the portraits drawn by +Miss Seward, of the two extraordinary women, who, in the bosom of +their deep retirement, were sought by the first characters of the +age, both as to rank and talents. To preserve that retirement from +too frequent invasion, they were obliged to be somewhat coy of +approach. Yet they were generous in a select hospitality; and when, +toward the end of their lives, they welcomed a coming guest, Miss +Martineau says it was a singular sight to see these ancient ladies, +in their riding habits, with their rolled and powdered hair, their +beaver hats, and their notions and manners of the last century. + +When we consider their intellectual resources, their energy and +industry, their interludes of company and correspondence, we need not +be surprised at the assertion they made to one of their most intimate +visitors, that neither the long summer's day, nor winter's night, nor +weeks of imprisoning snows, had ever inspired one weary sensation, +one wish of returning to the world they had abandoned. + +Anna Seward had so interested Lady Butler and Miss Ponsonby in the +character of her dear friend, Honora Sneyd, by the sonnet addressed +to her, which she showed them, by impassioned descriptions of her +loveliness, as well as by the celebrated poem on the fate of Major +Andre, that the two ladies were desirous of possessing a portrait of +the deceased beauty. + +With great pains, Anna succeeded in obtaining for them a copy of what +was a perfect image of her, Romney's ideal picture of Serena in the +"Triumphs of Temper." Writing on it, "Such was Honora Sneyd," she had +it framed and glazed, and sent it as a gift to the Ladies of +Llangollen. They received it with delight, and hung it in a prominent +position, where the fair giver afterward had the pleasure of gazing +on it with romantic emotion. + +Miss Seward paid several happy tributes in verse to her admired +friends. One of these, written at the close of a prolonged visit, +began thus: + +Oh, Cambrian Tempe! Oft with transport hailed, +I leave thee now, as I did ever leave +Thee and thy peerless mistresses, with heart +Where lively gratitude and fond regret For mastery strive. + +She also published, in a little volume by itself, an enthusiastic +poem in praise of the Cambrian Arden, Llangollen Valley, adorned with +an engraving of the landscape as seen from the home of its Rosalind +and Celia. They fully appreciated her affection, and returned it. +They sent her the gift of a jewel consisting of the head and lyre of +Apollo, making a ring and seal in one. In acknowledgment of this, the +pleased and grateful poet wrote, "I have to thank you, dearest +ladies, for a beautiful but too costly present. It is a fine gem in +itself, and a rich and elegant circlet for the finger." + +When Lady Butler and Miss Ponsonby left their splendid family +residences in Ireland to seek in Wales a retirement where they might +spend their days in the culture of letters and friendship, a faithful +and affectionate servant who pined for them, after a few months of +their absence, set out to search for them in England. She had no clew +to direct her pursuit; since, to avoid solicitations to return, they +had kept their place of abode secret even from their nearest +relatives. Learning, however, of her attempt, they sent for her. She +went, and was their fond servitor until her death, thirty years +afterward. Miss Seward once writes to Lady Eleanor, "I was concerned +to hear that you had lately been distressed by the illness and +alarmed for the life of your good Euryclea. That she is recovering, I +rejoice. The loss of a domestic, faithful and affectionate as +Orlando's Adam, must have cast more than a transient gloom over the +Cambrian Arden: the Rosalind and Celia of real life give Llangollen +Valley a right to that title." When this endeared servant died, her +mourning mistresses buried her in the grave which they had prepared +for themselves, and inscribed above her a cordial tribute in verse. + +Drawn by the pleasing sentiment that invests the story of these +ladies, the writer, being then in England, made a pilgrimage from +London to Llangollen in the early autumn of 1865. + +It was Saturday afternoon when I arrived at the little Welsh inn. The +next morning I found my way to the classic cottage. The fingers of +Time had indeed been busy on it. The vestiges of its former glory +were still apparent, but the ornaments were crumbled and dim. The +prismatic lantern over the door was a mixture of garishness and dust. +The bowers were broken, the vines and plants dead, the walks draggled +and uneven, the gates rickety, the fences tottering or prostrate. The +numerous tokens of art and care in the past made the present +ruinousness and desolation more pathetic. I could not help recalling +the final couplet of Miss Seward's poem, prophesying the fame of this +place: + +While all who honor virtue gently mourn Llangollen's vanished Pair, +and wreathe their sacred urn. + +Threading the briery dell, and following the brook that prattled down +the steep slope, I climbed the hill which directly overhangs the +hamlet. It was church-time as I sat down on the top, and slowly drank +in the charms of that celebrated landscape. To such a scene, at such +an hour, the very heart-strings grow. The fields were clothed with a +dense velvety-green. Across the narrow glen, on the strange cone of +Dinas Bran, frowned threateningly, in dark mass, unsoftened by +distance, the huge, bare fragments of an old castle, the immemorial +type of an iron age when the hearts of men were iron. Beneath my +feet, the vapors of the morning floated here and there in the +sunshine, like torn folds of a satin gauze. A hundred smokes curled +from the village chimneys, and the tones of the sabbath bells were +wafted up to me with no mixture of profane toils. The very cattle +seemed to know the holy day, and to browse and gaze, or ruminate and +look around, with an unusual assurance of repose and satisfaction. +But the spell must be broken, however reluctantly. + +Descending into the village, just as the religious service was ended, +I went into the churchyard, and copied from the triangular tomb in +which the Ladies of Llangollen sleep, with their favorite servant, +amid the magical loveliness of the pastoral scenery, these three +inscriptions. On the first side: + +IN MEMORY OF MRS. MARY CARRYL, +Deceased 22 November, 1809, +This Monument is erected by Eleanor Butler +And Sarah Ponsonby, of Plas Newydd, in this Parish. + +Released from earth and all its transient woes, +She, whose remains beneath this stone repose, +Steadfast in faith resigned her parting breath, +Looked up with Christian joy, and smiled in death. +Patient, industrious, faithful, generous, kind, +Her conduct left the proudest far behind. +Her virtues dignified her humble birth, +And raised her mind above this sordid earth. +Attachment (sacred bond of grateful breasts) +Extinguished but with life, this tomb attests; +Reared by two friends who will her loss bemoan, +Till with her ashes here shall rest their own. + +On the second side: + +SACRED TO THE MEMORY OF +The Right Honorable +LADY ELEANOR CHARLOTTE BUTLER, +Late of Plas Newydd, in this parish, +Deceased 2d June, 1829, +Aged Ninety Years, +Daughter of the Sixteenth, Sister of the Seventeenth +Earls of Ormonde and Ossory, +Aunt to the late and to the present +Marquess of Ormonde. + +Endeared to her many friends by an almost +Unequalled excellence of heart, and by manners +Worthy of her illustrious birth, the admiration +And delight of a very numerous acquaintance, +From a brilliant vivacity of mind, undiminished +To the latest period of a prolonged existence. +Her amiable condescension and benevolence +Secured the grateful attachment of those +By whom they had been so long and so +Extensively experienced: her various perfections, +Crowned by the most pious and cheerful +Submission to the Divine Will, can only be +Appreciated where, it is humbly believed, they are +Now enjoying their eternal reward; and by her. +Of whom for more than fifty years they constituted +That happiness which, through our blessed Redeemer, +She trusts will be renewed when this Tomb +Shall have closed over its Latest Tenant. + +On the third side: + +SARAH PONSONBY +departed this life +On the 9th of December, 1831, aged 76. + +She did not long survive her beloved companion, +Lady Eleanor Butler, with whom she had lived in this +Valley for more than half a century of uninterrupted friendship +But they shall no more return to their house, neither +Shall their place know them any more. + +In that sequestered valley, how quietly, with what blessed joy and +peace, their lives kept the even tenor of their way Standing +beside their grave, in the shadow of the old church, while the +little Welsh river ran whispering by, and thinking how the eyes +and hearts in which so long and happy a love had burned, were now +fallen to atoms, and literally mixed in the dust below, as once +they morally mixed in life above, I felt, What a pity that those +thus blessed cannot live forever! Then I thought, No, it is better +as it is. They were happy. They drained the best cup existence can +offer. When the world was becoming an infirmary, and the song of +the grasshopper a burden, it was meet that they should sleep. +Those only are to be pitied who die without the experience of +affection. + +This attempt to revive the story and brighten the urn of the Ladies +of Llangollen may suggest that friendship lies within the province of +women as much as within the province of men; that there are pairs of +feminine friends as worthy of fame as any of the masculine couples +set by classic literature in the empyrean of humanity; that uncommon +love clothes the lives of its subjects with the interest of unfading +romance; that the true dignity, happiness, and peace of women and of +men, too--are to be found rather in the quiet region of personal +culture, and the affections, than in the arena of ambitious +publicity. Mrs. Thrale and Fanny Burney were every thing to each +other for a long time. But, on the marriage of the former with Mr. +Piozzi, a breach occurred, which was never repaired. Four years after +this coldness, Fanny writes in her diary, "Oh, little does she know +how tenderly, at this moment, I could run into her arms, so often +opened to receive me with a cordiality I believed inalienable." Two +years after that, Mrs. Piozzi writes in her diary, "I met Miss Burney +at an assembly last night. She appeared most fondly rejoiced in good +time I answered with ease and coldness, but in exceeding good humor; +and all ended, as it should do, with perfect indifference." Thirty- +one years later still, Fanny enters in her diary this brief record: +"I have just lost my once most dear, intimate, and admired friend, +Mrs. Thrale Piozzi." + +The young Bettine Brentano, several years before her acquaintance +with Goethe, was placed temporarily in the house of a female +religious order to pursue her studies. There she soon made the +acquaintance of a canoness named Guenderode, considerably older than +herself, though still young, with rare mental endowments and romantic +affections. The cultivated intellect, spirituality, and mystic +melancholy of Guenderode, under her singularly attractive features and +calm demeanor, drew the impassioned and redundant Bettine to her by +an irresistible bond. Their companionship ripened into romantic +friendship. Their letters, collected and published by the survivor, +compose one of the most original and stimulative delineations of the +inner life of girlhood to be met with in literature. To cold and +shallow readers, this correspondence will prove an unknown tongue; +but those who can appreciate the reflection of wonderful +personalities, and the workings of intense sentiment, will prize it +as a unique treasure. + +Bettine was electrical, magical, seeming ever to be overcharged with +the spirit of nature; Guenderode, cloudy, opalescent, suggesting a +spirit native of some realm above nature. The interplaying of the two +was strangely delightful to them both; and they made day after day +rich by hoarding and sharing what life brought, the wealth of their +souls. The fresh vitality of Bettine, her rushing inspiration, her +dithyrambic love of wild nature, breathed a balsamic breath over her +drooping friend, who yet had a more than counterbalancing depth of +consciousness to impart in return. + +Guenderode, keyed too high for common companionship, too deep and +tenacious in her moods, of a delicacy preternaturally lofty and far- +reaching in its sensitiveness, was solitary, sad, thoughtful, +yearning, prescient of an early death; yet, by the whole impression +of her being, she gave birth, in those who lovingly looked on her, to +the surmise that she was mysteriously self-sufficing and happy. +Bettine writes to her, "I begin to believe thy feelings are enthroned +beyond clouds which cast their shadows on the earth; while thou, +borne on them, art revelling in celestial light." The best way to +indicate briefly what this friendship was, will be to quote a +selection of the characteristic expressions of it, though such a +compilation of fragments does great wrong to a correspondence so +compacted of the sparks of love and genius. Let those who find in +this relation only the expression of a fantastic sentimentality, +weigh what Sarah Austin says, a woman who speaks with the utmost +weight of authority which learning, experience, and wisdom can give: +"We, in England and France," Mrs. Austin says, "have no measure for +the character of a German girl, brought up in comparative solitude, +nurtured on poetry and religion, knowing little of the actual world, +but holding close converse with the ideal in its grandest forms. She +is capable of an enthusiasm we know not of." + +At different times, Guenderode writes thus: "I have bad many thoughts +of thee, dear Bettine. Some nights ago I dreamed thou wast dead: I +wept bitterly at it; and the dream left, for a whole day, a mournful +echo in my heart." "My mood is often very sad, and I have not power +over it." "Thou art my bit of a sun that warms me, while everywhere +else frost falls on me." "Thy letter, dear Bettine, I have sipped as +wine from the goblet of Lyus." "I am studying the distinguished +Spartan women. If I cannot be heroic, and am always ill from +hesitation and timidity, I will at least fill my soul with that +heroism, and feed it with that vital power, in which I am so sadly +deficient." "Thou seemest to me the clay which a god is moulding with +his feet; and what I perceive in thee is the fermenting fire, that, +by his transcendent contact, he is strongly kneading into thee." +"When I read what I have written some time ago, I think I see myself +lying in my coffin, staring at my other self in astonishment." + +"Clemens's letters make me think and consider, while over thine I +only feel; and they are grateful as a breath of air from the Holy +Land." "If two are to understand each other, it requires the +inspiring influence of a third divine one. And so I accept our mutual +existence as a gift of the gods, in which they themselves play the +happiest part." + +And thus, on the other side, Bettine at various times writes to +Guenderode: "I wrote down, To-day I saw Guenderode: it was a gift of +God. To-day, as I read it again, I would gladly do every thing for +the love of thee. How much do I think of thee and of thy words, of +the black lashes that shaded thy blue eyes as I saw thee for the +first time; of thy kindly mien, and thy hand that stroked my hair!" +"Thy letter today has drawn a charmed ring around me." "On the castle +of the hill, in the night-dew, it was fair to be with thee. Those +were the dearest hours of all my life; and, when I return, we will +again dwell together there. We will have our beds close together, and +talk all night." "Thou and I think in harmony: we have as yet found +no third who can think with us, or to whom we have confided what we +think." "Thou art the sweet cadence by which my soul is rocked." +"What will become of me, if ever I pass out of the light which beams +on me from thine eyes? for thou seemest to me an ever-living look, +and as if on that my life hung." "I feel a deep longing to be with +thee again; for, beautiful as it is here on the Rhine, it is sad to +be without an echo in a living breast. Man is nothing but the desire +to feel himself in another." "When I dare look up to thee from my +childish pursuits, I think I see a bride whose priestly robes do not +betray, nor her face express, whether she is sad or joyous in her +ecstasy." "Thou lookest deeper into my breast, knowest more of my +spiritual fate, than I, because I need only read in thy soul to find +myself." "I would possess every thing, wealth and power of beautiful +ideas, art and science, only to give it to thee, to gratify my love +to thee, and my pride in thy love." "Formerly, I often thought, Why +was I born? but, after thou wert with me, I never asked again." "I +see thee wandering past the grove where I am at home, just as a +sparrow, concealed by dense foliage, watches a solitary swan swimming +on the quiet waters, and, hidden, sees how it bends its neck to dip +into the flood, drawing circles around it; sacred signs of its +isolation from the impure, the reckless, the unspiritual!" "I have +been made happy to-day: some one secretly placed in my room a rose- +tree with twenty-seven buds; these are just thy years." + +Many plaintive presentiments of unknown woe, parting, death, gave a +mysterious undertone of sadness to much of the correspondence of +these two friends. The forebodings were destined to be more than +fulfilled in the tragic reality. Poor Guenderode, wrought to madness +by a disappointment in love, committed suicide. She drowned herself +in a river, where her body was found entangled in the long sedge. +Years afterwards, Bettine relates the story in a letter to Goethe, +the perusal of which has made many a gentle heart ache. The substance +of the tragedy may be briefly told: + +"One day," Bettine writes, "Guenderode met me with a joyful air, and +said, "Yesterday I spoke with a surgeon, who told me it was very easy +to make away with one's self. She hastily opened her gown, and +pointed to the spot beneath her beautiful breast. Her eyes sparkled +with delight. I gazed at her, and felt uneasy. And what shall I do +when thou art dead?' I asked. Oh! ere then,' said she, thou wilt not +care for me any more; we shall not remain so intimate till then: I +will first quarrel with thee.' I turned to the window to hide my +tears and my anger. She had gone to the other window, and was silent. +I glanced secretly at her: her eye was lifted to heaven; but its ray +was broken, as though its whole fire were turned within. After I had +observed her awhile, I could no longer control myself: I broke into +loud crying, I fell on her neck, I dragged her down to a seat, and +sat upon her knee, and wept, and kissed her on her mouth, and tore +open her dress, and kissed her on the spot where she had learned to +reach the heart. I implored her, with tears of anguish, to have mercy +upon me; and fell again on her neck, and kissed her cold and +trembling hands. Her lips were convulsed; and she was quite cold, +stiff, and deadly pale. Speaking with difficulty, she said slowly, +Bettine, do not break my heart.' I wanted to recover myself, and not +give her pain. But as, amidst my smiles and tears and sobs, she grew +more anxious, and laid herself on the sofa, I jestingly tried to make +her believe I had taken all as a joke. + +"A few days after, she showed me a dagger with a silver hilt, which +she had bought at the mart. She was delighted with the beauty and +sharpness of the steel. I took the blade, and pressed on her with it, +exclaiming, Rather than suffer thee to kill thyself, I myself will do +it.' She retreated in alarm, and I flung the dagger away. I took her +by the hand, and led her to the garden, into the vine-bower, and +said, Thou mayest depend on me: there is no hour when, if thou wert +to utter a wish, I would hesitate for a moment. Come to my window at +midnight and whistle, and I will, without preparation, go round the +world with thee. What right hast thou to cast me off? How canst thou +betray such devotion? Promise me now.' She hung her head and was +pale. 'Guenderode,' said I, if thou art in earnest, give me a sign. +She nodded. + +"Two months passed away, when I again came to Frankfort. I ran to the +chapter-house of the canonesses, opened the gate, and lo! there she +stood, and looked coldly at me. 'Guenderode,' I cried, may I come in?' +She was silent, and turned away. 'Guenderode, say but one word, and my +heart beats against thine.' 'No,' she said, 'come no nearer, turn +back, we must separate.' 'What does this mean?' I asked. 'Thus much, +that we have been deceived, and do not belong to one another.' Ah! I +turned away. First despair; first cruel blow, so dreadful to a young +heart! I, who knew nothing but entire abandonment to my love, must be +thus rejected." + +A short period elapsed, when news was brought to Bettine that a young +and beautiful lady, who was seen walking a long time at evening +beside the Rhine, had been found the next morning, on the bank, among +the willows. She had filled her handkerchief with stones, and tied it +about her neck, probably intending to sink in the river; but, as she +stabbed herself to the heart, she fell backward; and they found her +thus lying under the willows by the Rhine, in a spot where the water +was deepest. It was the poor, unhappy Guenderode. + +The next day, Bettine, who was then with her brother and a small +party of friends, sailing on the Rhine, landed at Rudesheim. "The +story was in every one's mouth. I ran past all with the speed of +wind, and up to the summit of Mount Ostein, a mile in height, without +stopping. When I had come to the top, I had far outstripped the rest; +my breath was gone, and my head burned. There lay the splendid Rhine, +with his emerald island gems. I saw the streams descending to him +from every side, the rich, peaceful towns on both banks, and the +slopes of vines on either side. I asked myself if time would not wear +out my loss. And then I resolved to raise myself above grief; for it +seemed to me unworthy to utter sorrow which the future would enable +me to subdue." + +The dithyrambic exuberances in this relation, the romantic +extravagances of sentiment, illustrate both the strength and the +weakness of a genius bordering close on disease. They show how much +such a genius needs to apply to itself the balancing and rectifying +criticisms of a sober wisdom. They may also contribute something to +awaken and enrich more cold and sluggish natures, which are yet +aspiring and docile. + +Lucy Aikin has left record of the warm and faithful friendships with +which she was blessed by some of the most gifted and amiable women of +her time. She was a person of strong character, of highly cultivated +talents, and quite remarkable for her powers of conversation, an +accomplishment which seems hastening to join the lost arts. The +parties which modern fashion gathers, are not so much groups of +friends, drawn together for rational and affectionate communion, as +they are jabbering herds, among whom all individuality and docile +earnestness are lost in the general buzz and clack of simultaneous +speech. + +One of these friends was Miss Benger, an estimable literary lady, who +had considerable celebrity a quarter of a century ago. Miss Aikin has +written a brief memoir of her. The following extract sufficiently +shows the cordiality and comfort of their union: "To those who knew +and enjoyed the friendship of Miss Benger, her writings, pleasing and +beautiful as they are, were the smallest part of her merit and her +attraction. Endowed with the warmest and most grateful of human +hearts, she united to the utmost delicacy and nobleness of sentiment, +active benevolence, which knew no limit but the furthest extent of +her ability, and a boundless enthusiasm for the good and fair, +wherever she discovered them. Her lively imagination, and the flow of +eloquence which it inspired, aided by one of the most melodious of +voices, lent an inexpressible charm to her conversation; which was +heightened by an intuitive discernment of character, rare in itself, +and still more so in combination with such fertility of fancy and +ardency of feeling. As a companion, whether for the graver or the +gayer hour, she had, indeed, few equals; and her constant +forgetfullness of self, and unfailing sympathy for others, rendered +her the general friend, favorite, and confidante of persons of both +sexes, all classes, and all ages. Many would have concurred in +judgment with Madame de Stael, when she pronounced Miss Benger the +most interesting woman she had seen during her visit to England. Of +envy and jealousy there was not a trace in her composition; her +probity, veracity, and honor were perfect. Though as free from pride +as from vanity, her sense of independence was such, that no one could +fix upon her the slightest obligation capable of lowering her in any +eyes. She had a generous propensity to seek those most, who needed +her offices of friendship. No one was more scrupulously just to the +characters and performances of others, no one more candid, no one +more deserving of every kind of reliance. It is gratifying to reflect +to how many hearts her unassisted merit found its way. Few persons +have been more widely or deeply deplored in their sphere of +acquaintance; but even those who loved her best could not but confess +that their regrets were purely selfish. To her the pains of +sensibility seemed to be dealt in even fuller measure than its joys: +her childhood and early youth were consumed in a solitude of mind, +and under a sense of contrariety between her genius and her fate, +which had rendered them sad and full of bitterness; her maturer years +were tried by cares, privations, and disappointments, and not seldom +by unfeeling slights or thankless neglect. The irritability of her +constitution, aggravated by inquietude of mind, had rendered her life +one long disease. Old age, which she neither wished nor expected to +attain, might have found her solitary and ill-provided: now she has +taken the wings of the dove to flee away and be at rest." + +Miss Aikin also held a constant intercourse, through a large part of +her life, with Joanna Baillie, whom she always regarded with profound +honor and love. She had a personal acquaintance with almost every +literary woman of celebrity in England, from the last decade of the +eighteenth, to the middle of the nineteenth, century. And of all +these, with the sole exception of Mrs. Barbauld, she says, Joanna +Baillie made by far the deepest impression on her. "Her genius," +writes this admiring friend, "was surpassing; her character, the most +endearing and exalted." No one had suspected the great genius of +Joanna Baillie, so thick a veil of modest reserve had covered it. +Soon after the publication of her "Plays on the Passions," Miss Aikin +says, "She and her sister I well remember the scene arrived on a +morning call at Mrs. Barbauld's. My aunt immediately introduced the +topic of the anonymous tragedies, and gave utterance to her +admiration with that generous delight in the manifestation of kindred +genius which distinguished her. But not even the sudden delight of +such praise, so given, could seduce our Scottish damsel into self- +betrayal. The faithful sister rushed forward to bear the brunt, while +the unsuspected author lay snug in the asylum of her taciturnity. She +had been taught to repress all emotions, even the gentlest. Her +sister once told me that their father was an excellent parent; when +she had once been bitten by a dog thought to be mad, he had sucked +the wound, at the hazard, as was supposed, of his own life; but that +he had never given her a kiss. Joanna spoke to me once of her +yearning to be caressed, when a child. She would sometimes venture to +clasp her little arms about her mother's knees, who would seem to +chide her; but I know she liked it. Be that as it may, the first +thing which drew upon Joanna the admiring notice of society was the +devoted assiduity of her attention to her mother, then blind as well +as aged, whom she waited on day and night. + +"An innocent and maiden grace still hovered over Miss Baillie to the +end of her old age. It was one of her peculiar charms, and often +brought to my mind the line addressed to the vowed Isabella, in +Measure for Measure: I hold you for a thing enskyed and saintly. If +there were ever human creature pure in the last recesses of the soul, +it was surely this meek, this pious, this noble-minded, and nobly-gifted +woman, who, after attaining her ninetieth year, carried with her to the +grave the love, the reverence, the regrets, of all who had ever enjoyed +the privilege of her society." The graves of these friends are side by +side in the old churchyard at Hampstead. + +The exquisite delicacy and wealth of Mrs. Hemans's nature, her +winning beauty, modesty, and sweetness, drew a circle of dear friends +around her wherever she tarried. In her poems and letters and +memoirs, they numerously appear, in becoming lights, men and women, +lofty and lowly in rank, from Wordsworth and Scott, to whom she paid +visits, giving and receiving the choicest delight, to her own +dependants, who worshipped her. She tells one of her correspondents, +"I wish I could give you the least idea of what kindness is to me, +how much more, how far dearer, than fame." The most interesting of +her many prized friendships is that which she formed with Miss +Jewsbury, who, having long admired her with the whole ardor of her +powerful nature, passed a summer in Wales, near Mrs. Hemans, for the +express purpose of making her acquaintance. The enthusiastic +admiration on one side, the grateful appreciation of it on the other, +the spiritual purity and earnestness and high literary and personal +aspirations on both sides, quickly produced an attachment between +these two gifted women, which yielded them full measures of +encouragement, comfort, and bliss. They had just those resemblances +and those contrasts of person and mind, together with community of +moral aims, which made them delightfully stimulative to each other. +Miss Jewsbury dedicated to her friend her "Lays of Leisure Hours," +addressed her in the poem "To an Absent One," and described her in +the first of the "Poetical Portraits" contained in the same book. +Also, in her "Three Histories," Mrs. Hemans is the original of +Egeria. "Egeria was totally different from any other woman I had ever +seen, either in Italy or England. She did not dazzle, she subdued, +me. I never saw another woman so exquisitely feminine. Her movements +were features. Her strength and her weakness alike lay in her +affections. Her gladness was like a burst of sunlight; and if, in her +depression, she resembled night, it was night wearing her stars. She +was a muse, a grace, a variable child, a dependent woman, the Italy +of human beings." Miss Jewsbury married, and went to India, where she +soon died. Mrs. Hemans paid a heartfelt tribute to her memory, in the +course of which she says, "There was a strong chain of interest +between us, that spell of mind on mind, which, once formed, can never +be broken. I felt, too, that my whole nature was understood and +appreciated by her; and this is a sort of happiness which I consider +the most rare in earthly affection." + +Mary Mitford and Mrs. Browning were blessed with a friendship +enviably full and satisfying. It has recorded itself in a +correspondence, which, if published, would add fresh honor to them +both in the hearts of their admirers. It was likewise celebrated with +happy heartiness by Miss Barrett, in her maiden days, in her fine +poem, "To Flush, my Dog;" the dog, Flush, being a valued gift from +Miss Mitford. + +Margaret Fuller, after seeing an engraving of Madame Recamier, writes +in her journal, + +"I have so often thought over the intimacy between her and Madame de +Stael. It is so true, that a woman may be in love with a woman, and a +man with a man. I like to be sure of it; for it is the same love +which angels feel, where Sie fragen nicht nach Mann und Weib." + +Of the friendships of women, perhaps none is more historic than this. +A large selection from the correspondence was published, in 1862, by +Madame Lenormant, in connection with a volume called "Madame de Stael +and the Grand Duchess Louise." It is impossible to read these +letters, without being struck by the rare grace that reigned in the +union of which they are the witnesses, and being affected by the +sight of a friendship so faithful, a confidence so entire. + +The first meeting of these celebrated women took place when Madame de +Stael was thirty-two years old; Madame Recamier, twenty-one. Among +the few existing papers from the pen of the latter is a description +of this interview: + +"She came to speak with me for her father, about the purchase of a +house. Her toilet was odd. She wore a morning gown, and a little +dress bonnet, adorned with flowers. I took her for a stranger in +Paris. I was struck with the beauty of her eyes and her look. She +said, with a vivid and impressive grace, that she was delighted to +know me; that her father, M. Necker at these words I recognized +Madame de Stael. I heard not the rest of her sentence. I blushed, my +embarrassment was extreme. I had just come from reading her 'Letters +on Rousseau,' and was full of the excitement. I expressed what I felt +more by my looks than by my words. She at the same time awed and drew +me. She fixed her wonderful eyes on me, with a curiosity full of +kindness, and complimented me on my figure, in terms which would have +seemed exaggerated and too direct if they had not been marked by an +obvious sincerity, which made the praise very seductive. She +perceived my embarrassment, and expresssd a desire to see me often, +on her return to Paris; for she was going to Coppet. It was then a +mere apparition in my life; but the impression was intense. I thought +only of Madame de Stael, so strongly did I return the action of this +ardent and forceful nature." + +Madame de Stael was a plain, energetic embodiment of the most +impassioned genius. Madame Recamier was a dazzling personification of +physical loveliness, united with the perfection of mental harmony. +She had an enthusiastic admiration for her friend, who, in return, +found an unspeakable luxury in her society. Her angelic candor of +soul, and the frosty purity which enveloped her as a shield, inspired +the tenderest respect; while her happy equipoise calmed and refreshed +the restless and expensive imagination of the renowned author. There +could be no rivalry between them. Both had lofty and thoroughly +sincere characters. They were partly the reflection, partly the +complement, of each other; and their relation was a blessed one, +charming and memorable among such records. "Are you not happy," +writes Madame de Stael, "in your magical power of inspiring +affection? To be sure always of being loved by those you love, seems +to me the highest terrestrial happiness, the greatest conceivable +privilege." Again, acknowledging the gift from her friend of a +bracelet containing her portrait, she says, "It has this +inconvenience: I find myself kissing it too often." In 1800, Madame +Recamier had a brilliant social triumph in England: "Ah, well, +beautiful Juliette! do you miss us? Have your successes in London +made you forget your friends in Paris?" Madame Recamier was the +original of the picture of the shawl-dance in "Corinne;" and her +friend says of her, in the "Ten Years of Exile," that "her beauty +expressed her character." The following passages, taken from letters +written in 1804, show how the intimacy had deepened: + +"For four clays, faithless beauty, I have not heard the noise of the +wind without thinking it was your carriage. Come quickly. My mind and +my heart have need of you more than of any other friend." "I have +just seen Madame Henri Belmont. People say that all beautiful persons +remind them of you. It is not so with me. I have never found any one +who looks like you; and the eyes of this Madame Henri seem to me +blind by the side of yours." "Dear and beautiful Juliette, they give +me the hope of seeing you when I return from Italy; then only shall I +no longer feel myself an exile. I will receive you in the chateau +where I lost what of all the world I most loved; and you will bring +the feeling of happiness which no more exists there. I love you more +than any other woman in France. Alas! when shall I see you again?" + +The friends passed the autumn of 1807 together at Coppet, with +Matthieu de Montmorency, Benjamin Constant, and a brilliant group of +associates, amidst all the romance in which the scenery and +atmosphere of that enchanted spot are steeped. One day they made a +party for an excursion on Mont Blanc. Weary, scorched by the sun, De +Stael and Recamier protested that they would go no farther. In vain +the guide boasted, both in French and German, of the spectacle +presented by the Mer de Glace. "Should you persuade me in all the +languages of Europe," replied Madame de Stael, "I would not go +another step." During the long and cruel banishment inflicted by +Napoleon on this eloquent woman, the bold champion of liberty, her +friend often paid her visits, and constantly wrote her letters: + +"Dear Juliette, your letters are at present the only interest of my +life." "How much, dear friend, I am touched by your precious letter, +in which you so kindly send me all the news! My household rush from +one room to another, crying, A letter from Madame Recamier!' and then +all assemble to hear her" "Every one speaks of my beautiful friend +with admiration.. You have an ethereal reputation which nothing +vulgar can approach." "Adieu, dear angel. My God, how I envy all +those who are near you!" + +When an envious slanderer had greatly vexed and grieved Madame +Recamier, Madame de Stael wrote to her, "You are as famous in your +kind as I am in mine, and are not banished from France. I tell you +there is nothing to be feared but truth and material persecution. +Beyond these two things, enemies can do absolutely nothing; and your +enemy is but a contemptible woman, jealous of your beauty and +purity." "Write to me. I know you address me by your deeds; but I +still need your words." + +In 1811, Madame de Stael resolved to flee to Sweden. Montmorency, +paying her a parting visit, received from Napoleon a decree of +instant exile. Madame Recamier determined, at any risk, to embrace +her friend before this great distance should separate them. The +generous fugitive wrote, imploring her not to come: "I am torn +between the desire of seeing you, and the fear of injuring you." No +dissuasion could avail; but no sooner did she arrive at Coppet than +the mean soul of Napoleon sought revenge by exiling her also. The +distress of Madame de Stael knew no bounds. On learning the fatal +news, she wrote, + +"I cannot speak to you; I fling myself at your feet; I implore you +not to hate me." "What your noble generosity has cost you! If you +could read my soul, you would pity me." "The only service I can do my +friends is to make them avoid me. In all my distraction, I adore you. +Farewell, farewell! When shall I see you again? Never in this world." + +Throughout the period of their banishment, the friends kept up an +incessant correspondence, and often interchanged presents. + +"Dear friend," writes Madame de Stael, "how this dress has touched +me! I shall wear it on Tuesday, in taking leave of the court. I shall +tell everybody that it is a gift from you, and shall make all the men +sigh that it is not you who are wearing it." + +In return, some time later, she sends a pair of bracelets, and a copy +of a new work from her pen, adding, "In your prayers, dear angel, ask +God to give peace to my soul." In another letter she says, "Adieu, +dear angel: promise to preserve that friendship which has given me +such sweet days." And again, + +"Angel of goodness, would that my eternal tenderness could recompense +you a little for the penalties your generous friendship has brought +on you!" "You cannot form an idea, my angel, of the emotion your +letter has caused me. It is at the extremity of Moravia that these +celestial words have reached me. I have shed tears of sorrow and +tenderness in hearkening to the voice which comes to me in the +desert, as the angel came to Hagar." + +What a rare and high compliment is contained in the following +passage! "You are the most amiable person in the world, dear +Juliette; but you do not speak enough of yourself. You put your mind, +your enchantment, in your letters, but not that which concerns +yourself. Give me all the details pertaining to yourself." "The +hundred fine things Madame de Boigne and Madame de Belle-garde say of +you and me, prove to me that I live a double life: one in you, one in +myself." + +When Napoleon fell, in 1814, Madame de Stael hurried home from her +long exile. The great news found Madame Recamier at Rome. In a few +days, she embraced her illustrious friend in Paris. Close was their +union, great their joy. It was engrossing admiration and devotion on +one side; absorbing sympathy, respect, and gratitude, on the other. +The power and charm of Madame Recamier were not merely in her +ravishing beauty, imperturbable good nature, and all-subduing +graciousness, but also in her mind and character. Madame de Stael, +who was a great critic, and no flatterer, says to her, + +"What a charm there is in your manner of writing! I wish you would +compose a romance, put in it some celestial being, and give her your +own natural expressions, without altering a word. You have a +character of astonishing nobleness; and the contrast of your delicate +and gracious features, with your grand firmness of soul, produces an +incomparable effect." + +The last letter written by the dying author to her friend concluded +with the words, "All that is left of me embraces you." The survivor +paid the pious rites of affection to the departed, with the devotion +which had marked their whole relation. And when, years afterward, on +the loss of her property, Madame Recamier betook herself to the +Abbaye-aux-Bois, in her humble chamber, where she was more sought and +admired than ever in her proudest prosperity, the chief articles to +be seen, in addition to the indispensable furniture, were, as +Chateaubriand has described the scene, a library, a harp, a piano, a +magnificent portrait of Madame de Stael by Gerard, and a moonlight +view of Coppet. Madame de Stael had once written to her, "Your +friendship is like the spring in the desert, that never fails; and it +is this which makes it impossible not to love you." Death caused no +decay of that sentiment, but raised and sanctified it. Her translated +friend now became an object of worship; and she devoted her whole +energies to extend and preserve the memory of the illustrious writer. + +The self-forgetting sympathy of Madame Recamier, and the magical +atmosphere of loveliness she carried around her, obtained for her +many warm friendships with women. Foremost, by far, among these was +that with Madame de Stael. But others also were very dear. The widow +of Matthieu de Montmorency was extremely attached to her, wrote her +touching letters, and took every opportunity to see her. Madame de +Boigne, too, was joined with Madame Recamier in a relation of respect +and affection truly profound and vivid. This lady was greatly +distinguished for her beauty as well as for her voice, which was +compared with that of Catalani. She was much impressed by the noble +behavior of Madame Recamier at the time of her husband's bankruptcy; +and, by her delicate attentions, secured the most grateful love in +return. Their earnest and faithful affection lasted until death. A +novel, entitled "Une Passion dans le Grande Monde," in which Madame +de Stael and Madame Reeamier are the two chief characters, was left +for publication by Madame de Boigne at her death. It was published in +1866. + +One of Madame Recamier's sweetest friendships was with the +accomplished and charming Elizabeth Foster, Duchess of Devonshire, +the fame of whose exquisite loveliness traversed the earth. The +duchess said of her friend, "At first she is good, then she is +intellectual, and after this she is very beautiful," a striking +compliment, when spoken, in relation to an admired rival, by one who +was herself so dazzlingly gifted. The order of precedence in her +charms, however, was differently recognized by men. They were subdued +successively by her beauty, her goodness, her judgment, her +character. The Duchess of Devonshire had known all the romance and +all the sorrow of life. Her experience had left upon her a melancholy +which attracted the heart almost as quickly as it did the eye, and +lent to her something pensive and caressing. Although a Protestant, +she had formed, during her long residence in Rome, an entire +friendship with the Cardinal Consalvi, who was the prime-minister and +favorite of Pope Pius VII through his whole pontificate. These two +beautiful women, as soon as they met, felt, by all the laws of +elective affinity, that they belonged to each other. The death of the +Pope was followed, in a few months, by that of his minister and +friend. During the illness of Consalvi, Madame Recamier shared all +the hopes, fears, and distresses of the duchess. And when the fatal +event had befallen, and the cardinal was laid in state, and the +romantic and despairing woman would go to look on her dead friend, +she accompanied her, deeply veiled, through the crowd, and knelt with +her, amidst the solemn pomp, in tears and prayer, beside the +unanswering clay. The duchess was struck to the heart by this +irreparable loss. All that a devoted sympathy could yield to soothe +and sustain, she received from Madame Recamier. And when, soon after, +unable to speak, she lay dying, she silently pressed the hand of this +faithful friend, as the final act of her existence. + +Madame Recamier retained to the last her enviable power of inspiring +affection. Madame Lenormant says that the Countess Caffarelli found +her, in her age and blindness, watching by the death-bed of +Chateaubriand. Drawn by her singular goodness, she sought to share +with her in these holy cares. She thus became the loving and beloved +associate of the final hour. This admirable person worthily closes +the list the rich and bright list of the friends of Madame Recamier. + +In her youth, the first wish of Madame Recamier was the wish to +please; and she was, no doubt, a little too coquettish, not enough +considerate of the masculine hearts she damaged, and the feminine +hearts she pained. The Duke de Laval said, "The gift of involuntary +and powerful fascination was her talisman." Not, sometimes, to make a +voluntary use of that talisman, she must have been more than human. +As years and trials deepened her nature, she sought rather to make +happy than merely to please. She always cared more to be respected +than to be flattered, to be loved than to be admired. Admiration and +sympathy were stronger in her than vanity and love of pleasure: +reason and justice were strongest of all. Her judgment was as clear, +her conscience as commanding, her sincerity, courage, and firmness as +admirable, as her heart was rich and good. When Fouche said to her, +in her misfortunes and exile, "The weak ought to be amiable," she +instantly replied, "And the strong ought to be just." Her exquisite +symmetry of form, her dazzling purity of complexion, her graciousness +of disposition, her perfect health, her desire to please, and +generous delight in pleasing, composed an all-potent philter, which +the sympathy of every spectator drank with intoxicating effect. She +discriminated, with perfect truthfullness, the various degrees of +acquaintance and friendship. She made all feel self-complacent, by +her unaffected attention causing them to perceive that she wished +their happiness and valued their good opinion. Ballanche tells her, +"You feel yourself the impression you make on others, and are +enveloped in the incense they burn at your feet." Wherever she went, +as if a celestial magnet passed, all faces drifted towards her with +admiring love and pleasure. By her lofty integrity and her matchless +sweetness and skill, as by a rare alchemy, she transmuted her +fugitive lovers into permanent friends. Her talents were as +attractive as her features: little by little her conversation made +the listener forget even her loveliness. Saint-Beuve says, "As her +beauty slowly retreated, the mind it had eclipsed gradually shone +forth, as on certain days, towards twilight, the evening star appears +in the quarter of the heaven opposite to the setting sun." Her voice +was remarkably fresh, soft, and melodious. Her politeness never +forsook her: with an extreme ease of manner, she had a horror of +familiarity, as well as of all excess and violence. Her moderation of +thought, serenity of soul, and velvet manner, were as unwearying as +reason and harmony. Without pretence of any sort, she hid, under the +full bloom of her beauty and her fame, like humble violets, modesty +and disinterestedness. At the time of her death, Guizot, when a +distinguished American lady asked him what was the marvel of her +fascination, replied, with great emotion, "Sympathy, sympathy, +sympathy." She had none of that aridity of heart which regular +coquetry either presupposes or produces. Deprived by destiny of those +relations which usually fill the heart of woman, she carried into the +only sentiment allowed her, an ardor, a faithfullness, and a +delicacy, which were unequalled; and the veracity of her soul, joined +with her singular discretion, gave her friends a most enjoyable sense +of security. Ballanche called her "the genius of devotedness;" and +Montalembert, "the genius of confidence." + +From the most dangerous and deteriorating influences of her position +she found a safeguard in active works of charity. Her pecuniary +generosity, in her days of opulence, was boundless. She seemed to +feel that every unfortunate had a right to her interest and her +assistance. "Disgrace and misfortune had for her," avowed one who +knew her entirely, "the same sort of attraction that favor and +success have for vulgar souls; and under no circumstances was she +ever false to this characteristic." The fine taste she had for +literature and art, the great pleasure she took in their beauties, +the natural grace and good-will with which she expressed her +admiration, furnished precisely that kind of incense which authors +and artists love to breathe. Old Laharpe, who, in her young days, had +derived the deepest delight from her attention and praise, wrote to +her, "I love you as one loves an angel." The readiness with which the +word "angel" rises to the lips of her friends is striking. Almost +every one of them applies the word to her on nearly every occasion. +Madame de Krudener writes to her, "I shall have the happiness, I +hope, dear angel, of embracing you to-morrow, and talking with you." +All seemed instantly to recognize something angelic in her +expression. It was in her disposition as much as in her appearance, +apparently in the latter because in the former, as Ballanche said to +her, "In your thought, taste, and grace will ever be united in one +harmonious whole. I am fascinated at the idea of so perfect a +harmony, and want the whole world to know what I so easily divine. It +will be your mission to make the intrinsic character of beauty fully +understood; to show that it is an entirely moral thing. Had Plato +known you, he need not have resorted to so subtile an argument. You +would have made him alive to a truth that was always a mystery to +him; and that rare genius would thus have had one more title to the +admiration of the world." + +There was something celestial in her motions, that suggested the +undulations of a spirit rather than joints and muscles, and made her +soul and flesh one melody. As to her heavenly temper of goodness, +there is but one voice from all who knew her. She accorded to the +sufferings of self-love a pity and kindness seldom shown to them. She +had the sweetest faculty for dressing the wounds of envy and +jealousy, soothing the lacerations of rivalry and hate, assuaging the +bitterness of neglected and revengeful souls. For all those moral +pains, or griefs of imagination, which burn in some natures with a +cruel intensity, she was a true sister of charity. To the rest of her +winsome gifts she added according to the unanimous testimony of the +witnesses this rare and resistless quality, the power of listening +to, and occupying herself with, others, the secret both of social +success, and of happiness without that success. "She said little," De +Tocqueville avers, "but knew what each man's forte was, and led him +to it. If any thing was said particularly well, her face brightened. +You saw that her attention was always active, always intelligent." +Lamartine said, "As radiant as Aspasia, but a pure and Christian +Aspasia, it was not her features only that were beautiful: she was +beautiful herself." Sarah Austin affirmed, "It was the atmosphere of +benignity which seemed to exhale like a delicate perfume from her +whole person, that prolonged the fascination of her beauty." And +Lemoine declared, in his eloquent obituary notice, "In the hearts of +those who had the honor and the happiness of living in constant +intercourse with her, Madame Recamier will for ever remain the object +of a sort of adoration which we should find it impossible to +express." The only fault her friends would confess in her was the +generous fault of too great toleration and indulgence. And to dwell +unkindly on this is as ungracious a task as to try to fix a stain on +a star. + +Arrayed in her divine charms; armed with irresistible goodness and +archness; enriched with equal wisdom and uprightness, every movement +a mixture of grace and dignity; protected by an aureole of purity +which always surrounded her; walking among common mortals, "like a +goddess on a cloud," she made it the business of her life to soften +the asperities, listen to the' plans, sympathize with the +disappointments, stimulate the powers, encourage the efforts, praise +the achievements, and enjoy the triumphs, of her friends. No wonder +they loved her, and thronged around her alike in prosperity and in +adversity. To appreciate her character is a joy; to portray her +example, a duty. She was a kind of saint of the world. + +The single fault which Saint-Beuve finds with the spirit of the +society she formed, and governed so long with her irresistible +sceptre, is that there was too much of complaisance and charity in +it. Stern truth suffered, and character was enervated, while courtesy +and taste flourished: "The personality or self-love of all who came +into the charmed circle was too much caressed." One can scarcely help +lamenting that so gracious a fault is not oftener to be met in the +selfish and satirical world. For the opposite fault of a harsh +carelessness is so much more frequent as to make this seem almost a +virtue. Cast in an angel's mould, and animated with an angel's +spirit, her consciousness vacant of self, vacant also of an absorbing +aim, ever ready to install the aim of any worthy person who came +before her, she was such a woman as Dante would have adored. It seems +impossible not to recognize how much fitter a type of womanhood she +is for her sex to admire than those specimens who spend their days in +publicly ventilating their vanity, feverishly courting notoriety and +power; or those who, without cultivation, without expansion, without +devotion, without aspiration, lead a life of monotonous drudgery, +with not a single interest beyond their own homes. + +A certain Madame Ancelot has written a book, in which, doubtless +under the pain of some galling memory--she attacks Madame Recamier +as a selfish coquette, enamored only of admiration, fame, and power. +Her chief weapon, as this woman asserts, was a skilful application of +deliberate unprincipled flattery to the pride and vanity of everybody +she met. The conduct attributed to Madame Recamier in the odious +examples fabricated by this slanderer, would have been insufferably +repulsive even to average persons. To persons of such insight, +refinement, and elevation as marked all her most intimate associates, +it would have been unutterably disgusting. The whole representation, +while awakening the indignation of the reader, shows what a degrading +caricature noble souls undergo when reflected in the minds of base +observers. Contrast with the view of this Madame Ancelot what is said +with unquestionable authority, after the intimacy of a lifetime, by +the gifted and illustrious Countess de Boigne. "Amidst the +overwhelming reverses of her husband's fortunes, I found Madame +Recamier so calm, so noble, so simple, lifted so far above all the +vain shows of her former life, that I was extremely struck; and I +date from that moment the vivid affection which subsequent events +have served only to confirm. No portrait does her justice. All praise +her incomparable beauty, her active beneficence, her sweet urbanity. +Many declare her great talents; but few have discerned, through the +habitual ease of her intercourse, the loftiness of her heart, the +independence of her character, the impartiality of her judgment, and +the fairness of her soul!" These are the words of one absolutely +competent to judge, intrinsically incapable of falsifying; and also +when death had removed every motive for flattery. + +All who have written on this most admired and beloved woman have had +much to say of the secret and the lesson of her sway. One ascribes +her dominion to a subtile blandishment; another to a marvellous tact, +another to an indescribable magic. But really the secret was simple. +It was the refined suavity and Womanliness of her nature, the +ineffable charm of a temper of unconquerable sweetness and +kindliness, a ruling "desire to give pleasure, avert pain, avoid +offence, render her society agreeable to all its members, and enable +every one to present himself in the most favorable light." Let the +fair creatures made to adorn and reign over society add to their +beauty, as Sarah Austin observes, the proper virtues of true-born and +Christian women, gentleness, love, anxiety to please, fearfullness to +offend, meekness, pity, an overflowing good-will manifested in kind +words and deeds, and they may see in the example before us how high +and lasting its empire is. This is the true secret revealed, this the +genuine lesson taught, by the rare career which we have been +reviewing. + +After this glorious example of the moral mission of woman, glorious +despite its acknowledged imperfections, it is not necessary to deny +the common assertion, that men have a monopoly of the sentiment of +friendship. Neither is it necessary to expatiate on the great +happiness this sentiment is capable of yielding in the comparatively +narrow and quiet lives of women, or to insist on the larger space +which ought to be assigned to the cultivation of it in those lives. +The moral of the whole subject may be put into one short sentence, +namely this: The chief recipe for giving richness and peace to the +soul is, less of vague passion, less of ambitious activity, anti more +of dedicated sentiment in the private personal relations of the inner +life. + +How little matter unto us the great! +What the heart touches, that controls our fate. +From the full galaxy we turn to one, +Dim to all else, but to ourselves the sun; +And still, to each, some poor, obscurest life +Breathes all the bliss, or kindles all the strife. +Wake up the countless dead; ask every ghost, +Whose influence tortured or consoled the most? +How each pale spectre of the host would turn +From the fresh laurel and the glorious urn, +To point where rots, beneath a nameless stone, +Some heart in which had ebbed and flowed its own! + +The salon which Madame Swetchine opened in the Rue Saint-Dominique +was one of the powers of Paris for over forty years. Here she drew +around her all that was most select, most distinguished, most +exalted, in Catholic France; and subdued all by the holy dignity of +her character, the authority of her wisdom, the sweetness of her +spirit, and the charm of her manners. In the homage she inspired, the +favors she distributed, and the tributes she received, she was truly +a queen. Her days were divided into parts, observed with strict +uniformity. She reserved the morning to herself, hearing mass and +visiting the poor until eight o'clock; then returning home, and +closing her door until three. From three to six she received company; +secluded herself from six to nine; and welcomed her friends again +from nine until midnight. Her drawing-room, if not so famous, was as +influential and fascinating to its frequenters as that of Madame +Recamier. Unlike as they were, they have often been compared. The +Recamier salon, with its slightly intoxicating perfume of elegance, +was infinitely more easy, more agreeable; the Swetchine salon, with +its bracing atmosphere of sanctity, was more earnest, more religious. +Though personal nobleness was honored in both, polished fashion +predominated in one, devout principle in the other. The presiding +genius of the former was the perfection of the best spirit of the +world; the presiding genius of the latter was the perfection of the +best spirit of the Catholic Church. The guests of Madame Recamier +went to the Abbaye-aux-Bois to please and to be pleased, to exchange +eloquent thoughts, to breathe chivalrous sentiments, and to enjoy an +exquisite grace of politeness never surpassed. The guests of Madame +Swetchine went to the Rue Saint-Dominique to take counsel on the +affairs of the higher politics, the interests of the nation, and the +welfare of the Church; to enjoy a community of faith and aspiration, +to refresh their best purposes, and to learn how more effectively to +serve the great ends to which they were pledged. There, liberty of +opinion and speech was unlimited, and a refined complacency aimed at; +here, loyalty to certain foregone principles and institutions was +expected, and a tacit spiritual direction maintained: but in both +were found the same delightful moderation, repose, and gracious +forbearance; the same reconciling skill; the same indescribable art +of ruling and leading while appearing to obey and follow. + +These illustrious women were perhaps equal in the interest they +awakened, and the sway they exercised over their friends; but there +was a great difference in the secret of the charm which they +severally possessed. There is nothing more disagreeable in a +companion than pre-occupation, if it be pre-occupation with self; +nothing more fascinating, if it be pre-occupation with you, or with +something of universal authority and attraction. The spell of Madame +Recamier lay in her irresistible personal beauty, grace, and +graciousness; that of Madame Swetchine, in her unquestionable +greatness and goodness and simplicity. Each was marvellously self- +detached and kind to everybody. But Madame Recamier was an unoccupied +mirror, ready to reflect upon you what you brought before it; Madame +Swetchine, a mirror pre-occupied with the lovely and authoritative +forms of virtue, wisdom, and piety. The former personally enchanted +and captivated all; the latter caused all to bow, with herself, +before a common sovereignty. The one was the fairest model of nature; +the other, a representative of supernatural realities, a holy symbol +of God. + +It is extremely interesting to trace the effect of these remarkable +personalities on each other. When Madame Swetchine visited Rome, at +the age of forty-two, her mind was somewhat imbued with prejudices +against Madame Recamier, whom she had never seen, and who was then +tarrying there. Madame Recamier was forty-seven years old, with a +reputation unsullied by a breath, and a beauty which was remarkable +even twenty years afterwards. The manner in which Madame Swetchine +speaks of her, in a letter to Madame de Montcalm, forms the least +satisfactory passage we remember in all her correspondence: + +"Madame Recamier seems sincerely to prefer a secluded life. It is +fortunate, her beauty and celebrity being on the decline: ruins make +little sensation in a country of ruins. It seems that to be drawn to +her one must know her more; and, after such brilliant successes, +certainly nothing can be more flattering than to reckon almost as +many friends as formerly lovers. Perhaps, however, not that I would +detract from her merit, had she but once loved--the number would +have been sensibly diminished." + +It is charming to see, in the rich, eloquent letter which Madame +Swetchine wrote to Madame Recamier, soon after their first interview, +how quickly these prejudices were dispelled on personal contact, and +replaced by an earnest attachment: + +"I have yielded to the penetrating, indefinable charm with which you +enthrall even those for whom you do not yourself care. It seems as if +we had passed a long time together, and had many memories in common. +This would be inexplicable, did not certain sentiments have a little +of eternity in them. One should say, that, when souls touch, they put +off all the poor conditions of earth; and, happier and freer, already +obey the laws of a better world." + +The reciprocation of this interest is shown by the fact, that Madame +Recamier urgently besought Madame Swetchine to make her residence in +the same house with her, the Abbaye-aux-Bois; which she would +probably have done, had it not been for the objections of General +Swetchine. + +The open secret of the wonderful influence which Madame Swetchine +exerted on all who came in contact with her, of the extreme reverence +and love with which they regarded her, was, therefore, the +incomparable power, sincerity, generosity, and gentleness of her +character. But to appreciate this truth, and learn the lesson it +conveys, we must analyze the case more in detail. The distinguished +friend who has written her life says, + +"The most remarkable peculiarity of the character of Madame Swetchine +was, that all the qualities, all the virtues, and all the powers were +distributed in perfect harmony. She was in the same degree +enthusiastic and sensible, because her reason was equal to her +imagination: she thought as deeply as she felt. However often a man +in mind, she always remained a woman in heart; and her personal +abnegation was neither feigned nor studied. As exempt from envy as +from ambition, she lived first in others, then in public works; only +thought of herself after being occupied with everybody else; and +great as was her dislike of egotism, never needed to rebuke it +because she found such a rich joy in the opposite sentiment. Her +disinterestedness reconciled others to her superiority." + +Her faith stood so firm in the whirlwind of opinions, that she needed +not to bolster it by bigotry. To the friends, who once murmured +against her too great tolerance, she replied, "Of what use is it to +live, if one is never to hear any thing but his own voice?" Her +compassion and her patience were unconquerable. Nothing could draw +from her the slightest sign of vexation or weariness. One of her +constant visitors, for fifteen years, was a woman universally +detested for her outrageous temper and her bad manners. The +announcement of her name was the signal of dismay and dispersion. But +the saintly hostess invariably gave her an affectionate reception; +and to all the attempts made to induce her to cast off the obnoxious +guest, she said, with a smile, "What do you wish? All the world +avoids her; she is unhappy, and she has only me." This woman died of +old age; and, during her last days, Madame Swetchine went often to +see her, and passed long hours beside her death-bed. + +The face of Madame Swetchine, without being handsome, was remarkably +expressive; and the inflections of her singularly rich and strong +voice were exactly modulated to every thought and feeling of her +soul. Destitute of egotism herself, she showed an invariable +tolerance for the egotisms of others, and her management of them was +a marvel of magnanimous considerateness and soothing skill. The +unrestrained frankness of her affection, the intimate confidences she +imparted, the noble grounds she assumed to be common to them and her, +the tender compliments she was ever paying them with all the skill of +a sincere heart, were irresistible. She writes to the Duchess de la +Rochefoucauld, "Reply to all my inquiries; especially speak to me of +yourself. I long to be relieved from the punishment of your reserve." +Some persons would deal with souls as carelessly as if they were +pieces of mechanism; handle hearts as they would handle groceries. +Madame Swetchine was unable to contemplate without awe, or treat +without scrupulous delicacy, a human spirit seeking to open and show +itself to her as it was in the eyes of God. + +In addition to all this, she had an amazing knowledge of the +mysteries of human nature and the experience of human life. She said +she had traversed the whole circle of passions and affections, and +was a true doctor of that law. "Reading in my own heart, I have +learned to understand the hearts of others: the single knowledge of +myself has given me the key of those innumerable enigmas called men." +She avowed herself an instinctive disciple of Lavater, and said, "The +expression of the face is the accent of the figure." Her biographer +says that her insight amounted almost to divination. A word, a +gesture, a look, a silence, hardly noticed by others, was to her a +complete revelation. She had the science of souls, as physicists have +the science of bodies. While the ordinary man sees in a plant merely +its color or its outline, the botanist discerns, at first sight, all +its specific attributes. Such was the power of Madame Swetchine: one +lineament, one trait, enabled her to recognize and reconstruct a +whole character. There is no luxury greater than that of unveiling +our inmost souls where we are sure of meeting a superior +intelligence, invincible charity, generous sympathy, and needed +support and guidance. All this was certain to be found in Madame +Swetchine. She had no rivalry, no envy, no desire to eclipse any one, +no bigotry or asperity; and the aged, the mature, and the youthful, +alike came with grateful pleasure under her empire. Women, usually +little accessible to the influence of another woman, were full of +trust and docility towards her. Loving solitude, plunging into +metaphysics as into a bath, she yet took great delight in the beauty, +freshness; playfullness, and hopes of girls just entering society. +Her taste in every thing belonging to the toilet was known to be fine +and sure: they loved, when in full dress for company, to pass under +her eyes; and she deeply enjoyed admiring and praising them, at the +same time pointing out any thing ill-judged or excessive. Not +unfrequently, the same ones, who, in the evening, in their glittering +array, had paused on their way to the ball, would return in the +morning, and sit with her, face to face, in communion on far other +and graver matters. Sick and erring hearts showed themselves to her +in utter sincerity, while, with unwearied sympathy and adroit wisdom, +she poured on them, drop by drop, the light, the truth, the life, +they needed. No one can tell to how many she was a spiritual mother, +her direction all the more welcome and efficacious that she was not a +director by profession, but by instinctive fitness. + +Madame Swetchine enjoyed friendships of extraordinary strewth and +preciousness with the Countess de Nesselrode, the Princess Galitzin, +Madame de Saint Aulaire, the Duchess de Duras, the Marchioness de +Lillers, Madame Craven, the Duchess de la Rochefoucauld, and many +other women of noble natures and rich interior lives. The record of +their intercourse is an imperial banquet for the mind and heart of +the reader. The study of it must make ordinary women sigh for envy +and shame over their own cold relations, outward ambition, sterile +experience, and suspicious caution. Madame Swetchine writes, "I have +long made over all my invested capital to the account of those I +love: their welfare, their hopes, are the income on which I live." +The Duchess de Duras writes to her, "I love you more than I should +have believed it ever would be possible for me to love, after what I +have experienced. I believe in you, I who have become so suspicious. +I rely on you with entire security, whatever happens." Again she +writes, when her friend is absent in Russia, "I miss you every +moment. Return, return. Your chamber is ready, and that of Nadine. +Come, come, dear friend: life is so short, why lose it thus?" Madame +Swetchine held such a high place in the esteem of her friends, +because she was so serene, so wise, so steadfast, so kind, so pure, +that she soothed and strengthened all who came near her. One of her +friends expresses this in saying to her, "No society pleases and +agrees with me like yours." She always acted on her own aphorism, "To +bear faults, to manage egotisms, is an aim perhaps best accomplished +by a skilful dissimulation; but the true ideal is to correct faults +and to cure self-love." + +The best example, in a relation with one of her own sex, of that +sentiment of friendship which was such a pervasive need of Madame +Swetchine's nature, and which she experienced so profusely, was her +connection with Roxandra Stourdza, a Greek maiden of great beauty and +genius, born at Constantinople. Originally brought together at court, +when the latter was maid of honor to the Empress Elizabeth, they +formed an enthusiastic attachment, which, for half a century, largely +constituted the richness, consolation, and joy of their lives. The +monument of it preserved in their correspondence possesses extreme +interest and value, and must secure for it a prominent place among +the few historic friendships of women. The oriental Roxandra was the +object of an admiration truly romantic from her friend, who seemed +always to see her seated on an ideal throne, and to address her as +some queen of Trebizond. Saint-Beuve says, the refined and exalted +affection between these two young persons, living in the artificial +world of the Russian court, and each throwing back, in her own way, +the mystic influences derived from the sky of Alexandria, affected +him as the exciting perfume exhaled by two rare plants nourished in a +hot-house. It is unimaginable what lofty, exquisite, and mysterious +sentiments they exchange. Their naked souls and minds, with all their +workings, are visible in these ingenuous and crowded letters, as in a +glass hive we can study the industry of bees. Saint-Beuve affirms, +that the later difference in their religion, the Countess Edling +always remaining in the Greek communion, Madame Swetchine becoming a +zealous Catholic, finally made ice between them; and that, when the +countess came to Paris to visit her old friend, she complained of +finding coldness and reserve. Probably there was something in this, +but not much. The friendship will be best revealed by citing, from +the parties themselves, some of its characteristic expressions. + +The letters of Roxandra have not been published; but, in those of +Sophie, both souls are clearly reflected. For, as M. de Falloux says, +Madame Swetchine never Ised hackneyed language, never repeated for +one what he had first thought for another. She placed herself, with a +skill, or rather a condescension, truly marvelous, at the point of +view of those with whom she conversed; and she would never have so +easily ended by bringing them to herself, had she not always begun +by going to them. This habit was so familiar, this movement so +natural to her, that, at the close of every correspondence, we have +before our eyes the physiognomy of the correspondent as distinctly +outlined as the physiognomy of the writer: + +"Did you believe me, my dear Roxandra, when I mechanically said, on +leaving you, that I should write to you only after five or six clays? +I knew not what I said at the time. If you begin to know me a little, +you have seen that I could never hear so long a silence. La Bruyere +has said, How difficult it is to be satisfied with any one! Ah! well, +my friend, I am satisfied with you; and, were it not for my extreme +self-distrust, which nourishes so many inquietudes, I should be +almost tranquil, almost happy, almost reasonable. My friend, this +moment I receive your letter: how can I thank you? Ah! read my +grateful heart; and sometimes tell me, that you wish to keep it, in +order that it may become worthy of you." "I feel so deeply the +happiness of being loved by you, that you can never cease to love +me." "I need to know all your thoughts, to follow all your motions, +and can find no other occupation so sweet and so dear." "My heart is +so full of you, that, since we parted, I have thought of nothing but +writing to you." "I see in your soul as if it were my own." "Dear +Roxandra, you are every way a privileged being: you unite the +advantages of the most opposed characters without any of their +inconveniences." "My attachment for you will, without doubt, be a +consolation; but that word, when not unmeaning, is so sad that I +desire my friendship to fulfil higher offices. I often envy +characters whose impressions are slight and transient. The sponge +passes across the slate, and nothing is left. Perhaps such a nature +best agrees with man, whose pleasures are for a moment, whose pains +for a life. Adieu, my friend! How many times already that word has +filled my heart with grief! Take good care of yourself; hasten to +God; and, when the struggle is too severe, beseech grace instead of +combating." "It seems to me that souls seek each other in the chaos +of this world, like elements of the same nature tending to re-unite. +They touch, they feel themselves tallied; confidence is established +without an assignable cause. Reason and reflection following, and +fixing the seal of their approval on the union, think they have done +it all, as subaltern ministers regard the transactions of their +masters nothing until they have been permitted to sign their names at +the bottom. I fear no misunderstanding with you; and my gratitude +alone can equal the perfect security with which you inspire me." "I +must show myself to you absolutely as I am." "I know of no pleasure +more alluring than a sweet and confidential converse which begins +with an interchange of ideas, and ends with one of sentiments. This I +have found in our intercourse." "It seems to me that your good angel +is very busy about you, and is covering your thorns with some few +flowers. How I should like to be charged with the visible execution +of this charming mission!" "When near you, I breathe the atmosphere +of calmness and depth, which agrees with me: although I have not the +rages of King Saul, there is in the sound of your voice something, I +know not what, that reminds me of the effect of the harp of David." +"Never was there a goodness more compassionate and penetrating than +yours. Yours are the words that seek pain at the bottom of the soul +in order to soothe it. How well you possess that divine dexterity +which applies balm to wounds almost without touching them!" "My +friend, I have met nothing sweeter, more consoling to love, than you. +The admirable simplicity of your character, its steadiness, its +frankness, have a charm which more than attracts: it fixes." "We must +carry, untouched, to the gates of eternity the deposit each has +confided to the other." + +The above extracts give some idea of the warmth and preciousness of +the surpassing friendship, but no idea of the high and varied range +of intellectual and religious interests that entered into it. "I +always," Madame Swetchine writes, "have your little ring on my +finger. This symbol, fragile as all symbols, will outlive me; but I +grieve not for that, since I am sure that the sentiment which makes +me prize it so highly will survive it in turn." Dora Greenwell says, +"The letters of Madame Swetchine are full of an intimate sweetness +that has something in it, piercing even to pain, like the scent of +the sweet-brier." We are reminded of this when she writes, "If life +were perfectly beautiful, yet death would be perfectly desirable." +Also again, when she writes to her Roxandra, "What is the pen, sad +signal of our long separation, after the pleasure of flinging myself +on your neck, and pouring my soul into yours through a deluge of +words?" The two friends often indulged the sweet dream of passing +their last years together, preparing; each other for the passage +equally dreaded and desired, advancing arm in arm and heart in heart +towards the unknown. The dream was not destined for fulfilment. But +Madame Swetchine had the great joy of seeing her favorite nephew one +of the Gargarin boys whom she loved so fondly in their childhood +married to Marie Stourdza, the niece and sole heiress of her friend. +The only words we have seen from Roxandra herself are worthy of the +eulogies paid her, and would seem to justify the highest estimate of +her character. She says, "May we all contribute, by our life and our +death, to the great thought of God, the re-establishment of order and +of truth among men!" And again, amid the alarming revolutions that +were shaking all Europe, she says, "We are witnessing the grand +judgment of human pride." + +Among the wretched children of misfortune, loved and aided by the +saintly charity of Madame Swetchine, she was especially drawn to the +solacement of deaf mutes. She keenly felt the sadness and danger +consequent on this cruel infirmity. She took, as her own maid, a poor +deaf mute, named Parisse, whose temper was so bad that she was +scarcely tolerated by any one. She found a charm in taking her walks +with this still companion, to whom it was not necessary to speak, and +who was not humiliated in keeping silence. "With Parisse," she said, +"I can believe myself alone, and have a needed arm to support me, and +an aid which does not encroach on my liberty." Thus she loved to +appear the obliged party rather than the benefactress. The haughty +and quarrelsome Parisse often put on the grand airs of an outraged +queen. When the other servants were battling with her, Madame +Swetchine would go among them, and say, "I love you all, but know +that every one shall go before Parisse: she is the most unfortunate, +and much should be excused in her." After enduring almost every +thing, she succeeded, by her imperturbable good-nature and firmness, +in winning the poor girl to a more amiable behavior. Parisse +worshipped her mistress, and had the joy one day of being represented +behind her in the likeness engraved by a celebrated artist. They +became really attached friends. Is it not touchingly instructive thus +to trace the religious ascent of the soul of this noble woman in her +friendships, as they successively stoop from the Czarina Marie to the +deaf mute Parisse? In his funeral sermon on Madame Swetchine, +Lacordaire thus alludes to Parisse: "As we watched the sad setting of +that beauteous star, I saw her beloved mute following her with her +eyes from an adjoining chamber, the vigilant sentinel of a life which +had been so lavish of itself, and whose light went out with faithful +friendship on the one side, and grateful poverty on the other." + +Madame Swetchine was endowed from birth with the material, the +physiological conditions, for a great and original character, force +competent to the finest and the grandest things, with an over-bias of +that force to the brain. For long periods, she was compelled to walk +in her chamber from seven to eight hours a day, to avoid intolerable +nervous pressures and pains. At sixty-six, she wrote to one of her +friends, "My interior life sterilizes itself by reason of +superabundance; the too great fullness causes an incessant +restlessness. I cannot give body to the multitude of confused ideas +which crowd each other, interweave, and suffocate me for want of +articulation." This profuse force, which continued throughout her +life, enabled her to achieve an amount of work, and acquire a wealth +of knowledge and wisdom, truly astonishing. Her youthful education, +with the many difficult accomplishments she mastered, was the first +resource for the occupation of her teeming energy. The second was the +discharge of her domestic and public duties, with as much discretion +and skill as if her sole ambition were to be a faultless housekeeper +and member of the social order. The third was friendship, to whose +genial duties of visiting and correspondence she devoted herself with +a fullness and an ardor as passionate as they were genuine. And yet +there remained a surplusage of unappropriated soul, whose vague and +constant action distressed her. She entered on an extensive study of +literature, history, psychology, and philosophy. Her biographer says, +that scarcely an important work on these subjects appeared in Europe +for fifty years with whose contents she did not familiarize herself, +pen in hand. She interspersed these arduous labors by a systematic +application to philanthropic works, personally visiting the sick and +the poor, and ministering to their wants. And still her force was +unexhausted she had more faculty and strength longing to be used, and +disturbing her with mysterious solicitations; a solitary activity, +without aliment; a wheel for ever revolving in a void; a burning +ardor, which, in the absence of sufficing affections below, turned +upward, and became a subtile mysticism. When practical duty, +friendship, literature, philosophy, and charitable deeds had failed +to absorb and satisfy her, plainly there was but one resource left, +religion. She entered on the path to God and his fellowship, the +sublime way of the life of perfection. She entered on it with an +extraordinary capacity for ascending through the various degrees of +perception, feeling, and transfusion; and, at the same time, with a +power of rational poise which kept her experience of piety from the +two extremes of mawkishness and delirium. Such balancing good sense +and sobriety, such freedom from every thing morbid, combined with so +much thoroughness of faith and so much fervor, we know not where else +to find. Some hearts open downward, and send their exciting drench +through the body; hers opened upward, and sent its pure vapor aloft +into the mind to wear celestial colors. Her head was a higher heart, +playing off intelligence and affection, transmuted into each other. + +In the charming treatise on "Old Age," from the pen of Madame +Swetchine, a piece of serene poetry and impassioned wisdom, a critic +complains that she rather transfigures the subject than shows it. +But, however much she may have transfigured it in description, in +person and experience she has shown it in the most beautiful form of +truth of which it is susceptible. Year by year, to the very end, she +became ever wiser, calmer, more influential, more honored and +beloved, more saintly and content. Her religious abnegation grew +perfect; her peace deepened; her active benevolence broadened; her +spirit, always genially tolerant, acquired a mellower ripeness. In +relation to one of her acquaintances, she says, "The last time I saw +him, I was struck by a kind of rigidity, of bitterness, a want of +charity in his judgments which injured their justice; for the more I +see, the more I am convinced that we must love in order to know." The +detestable Rochefoucauld said, "Old age is the hell of women." For +Madame Swetchine it had much more of paradise, as the rich ardor and +impetuosity of her youth slowly moderated, and, by judicious +oversight, she trained her powers into harmony among themselves and +submission to God. Long before, she had said that the saddest of all +sights was that of an aged woman, deprived of the consideration and +respect belonging to a serious life. Now she could say of herself, "I +have deserved most of the disappointments I have experienced; yet God +has softened them, as if he meant them not for penalties, but trials. +Benevolence surrounds me; my need of esteem is satisfied; I have +known the most distinguished people; my heart has been fortunate in +friendship. Self-detached, in a calm and sweet tranquillity, I need +no more, to close my course with courage." She was not one of those +who never speak of themselves because they are always thinking of +themselves. De Tocqueville, after receiving an epistle from her, +wrote back, with grateful delight in her frank and honoring +confidence, "Your letter is a full-length portrait of yourself." In +fact, she always spoke of herself with the utmost freedom, because +she looked at herself from without as she would at any other object. +Her last years were a fine illustration of her own thought, "Old age +is the majestic and imposing dome of human life." + +The death of this memorable woman, touchingly described by Falloux in +a letter to Montalembert written at the time, was worthy of what had +gone before it, of the preparations she had made for it, and of the +glorious destiny to which she believed it the entrance. That "we are +to seek God, not deludedly wait for him to seek us," was not more the +maxim of her pen than of her practice. "I speak to others; but with +whom do I converse, if it be not, O my God with thee?" To one of the +group of tearful and venerating friends standing around her, she +said, "Do not, my good friend, ask for me one day more, or one pang +less." Without any decay of her faculties or waning of her moral +force, bearing her sufferings with invincible patience and sweetness, +maintaining a dignity of thought and speech comparable with that of +the last conversation of Socrates, but with the triumph of a perfect +Christian faith, she dropped what was mortal, and passed immortally +into the bosom of God. It was in September, 1857, and she was +seventy-five years young. The great, dazzling, guilty Paris has +loosed no purer or richer spirit for the skies. Her dust hallows the +cemetery of Montmartre, where, in the coming days, many a pilgrim +will go to look on her monument. + +While Margaret Fuller was yet a little girl, in her father's house, +an elegant English lady came to pass a few weeks in Cambridge. Her +beauty, with her repose and softness of manner, wrought like a +strange spell on the idealizing spirit of the lonely and passionate +girl. She found the first angel of her life: heaven was opened; and +the image of the fair stranger, who soon vanished beyond the sea, was +an intoxicating vision in her brain, full of light and perfume, for +many a year. In her later life, Margaret formed impassioned +connections with a great many superior girls, who were drawn to her +by an affinity for her overflowing powers of intellect, feeling, and +aspiration. The last on the list of her friendships was the noble +Marchioness Arconati, in Italy. The entire intercourse of these two +women forms a chapter of devoted warmth and frankness. Through all +her life, Margaret felt the necessity for intense relations of +affection with the worthiest persons she met. One of her biographers +says, "Her friendships wore a look of such romantic exaggeration that +she seemed to walk enveloped in a shining fog of sentimentalism. Yet, +in fact, Truth at all cost was her ruling maxim. Her earnestness to +read the hidden history of others was the gauge of her own emotion." + +This prayer was found among the papers written in her earlier life: +"Father, I am weary. Re-assume me for a while, I pray thee. Oh, let +me rest awhile in thee, thou only Love! In the depth of my prayer, I +suffer much. Take me only awhile. No fellow-being will receive me. I +cannot pause: they will not detain me by their love. Take me awhile, +and again I will go forth on a renewed service. I sink from want of +rest; and none will shelter me. Thou knowest it all. Bathe me in thy +Love." Emerson says of her, "Her friendships, as a girl with girls, +as a woman with women, were not unmingled with passion, and had +passages of romantic sacrifice and of ecstatic fusion, which I have +heard with the ear, but could not trust my profane pen to report." At +the close of her life, amidst the ruins of Rome, she wrote, "I have +been the object of great love, from the noble and the humble: I have +felt it towards both. Yet I am tired out, tired of thinking and +hoping, tired of seeing men err and bleed. Coward and foot-sore, +gladly would I creep into some green recess, where I might see a few +not unfriendly faces, and where not more wretches should come than I +could relieve. I am weary, and faith soars and sings no more. Nothing +good of me is left, except, at the bottom of the heart, a melting +tenderness." + +The Duchess of Orleans, that Helen of Mecklenburg who married the +eldest son of Louis Philippe, was one of those women whose exalted +charms of person, character, and manners glorify their sex, fascinate +all beholders, and win the enthusiastic devotion of their associates. +She was the worthy grand-daughter of that noble Duchess Louise of +Saxe-Weimar, wife of Carl August, the friend of Goethe and Schiller, +of whom Napoleon said, "Behold a woman whom all my cannon cannot +frighten." Through the checkered scenes of her brilliant and +melancholy lot, her happy childhood; her dazzling nuptials; her +enviable married life; the terrible shock of her sudden widowhood; +the frightful scenes of the revolution, when, with her infant son by +her side, she confronted the levelled muskets of the infuriated mob, +and looked massacre in the face, without the ruffle of a feature; the +dismal days of exile, decline, and death, she bore herself with that +sweet dignity, that spotless purity, that ineffable and sublime grace +of wisdom and goodness which sometimes appear to lift the perfection +of womanhood so nearly to the prerogatives of an angel. She had many +friends of her own sex, who cherished an idolatrous affection for +her. One of these, the inseparable companion of her existence, has +anonymously written a sketch of her life and character, a most +charming and impressive tribute. This modest memoir instructively +suggests far more than it betrays. The writer says of her adorable +friend, "Life was interesting by her side. She captivated the +imagination of every one. I know no other woman with whom I could +converse for twelve hours together, without for an instant feeling +void or weariness. I feel as if I had always something to say to her; +for her interest never flags." It is singular that, of all the +multitude who desire to enchain their friends, so few ever learn to +practise the deep secret contained in this italicized clause, the +innocent secret of a self-abnegating heart of love. + +Sarah Austin, one of the wisest and noblest women of England, formed +a reverential and ardent friendship for this matchless lady, in her +adversity. How profound, how sacred this attachment was, is proved by +the notice which, on the day the duchess died, Mrs. Austin wrote, and +sent to the press, blotted with tears; and also by the fuller sketch +she afterwards prefixed to her English translation of the life of the +duchess from its French original. "Her character was always +presenting itself in new and harmonious lights; her manners were +indescribably refined and winning; her conversation never flagged, +was never trifling, never pedantic, never harsh; it always kept you +at an elevation which at once soothed and invigorated the mind. There +was not in her nature the slightest tinge of the cynical skepticism +or sarcastic contempt which chill the soul, and annihilate hope and +courage. These are the weapons which vulgar minds oppose to +misfortune, the bitter and poisonous plants which wrongs and +calamities produce in poor and barren hearts; but her tender and +magnanimous nature could bring forth nothing which was not good and +generous. It was most affecting to watch the working of her +transparent mind through its faithful index, her countenance, during +conversation. + +"The interest her great qualities inspired was raised, by pity for her +cruel misfortunes, to a height which might almost be called a +passion. A veil of sadness overspread her sweet face; but behind this +veil there was always such a beaming benignity, so lovely a concern +for the welfare of mankind, such a high-hearted courage, that you +left her cheered rather than depressed. It is to the extraordinary +power she had of giving a high tone to the minds of others, joined to +the unalterable sweetness of her daily intercourse, that I attribute +the discouraged feeling common to those who mourn her loss. If her +misfortunes were august, solemn, and terrible as a Greek tragedy, her +heart was large, high, and strong enough to meet them. With all her +gentleness, Christian and womanly patience, the most striking feature +in her character was its moral grandeur. + +"Greatness of mind and nobleness +Build in her loveliest, and create an awe +About her, as a guard angelic placed." + +Such a woman is the highest exemplar and benefactor of her sex. A +religious quality is evoked in the soul that contemplates her. Every +impure feeling is struck dead with awe before her. The angelic +serenity of her face is as if the smiles which others wear outwardly, +with her had retreated inward, and hovered in perpetual play about +the heart. By spiritual contact with her, other persons become +angelic also. She teaches, by example, what a divine exaltation is +sometimes reached through adversity and pain. The head, discrowned of +earthly glory, is crowned with celestial beauty. When sufferings +stimulate virtues, the thorn-wreath blossoms on our brow: when +sacrifices feed faith, the cross which we clasp puts on wings and +lifts us heavenward. + +I have reserved, to close this chapter, a singularly romantic example +of a pair of female friends, set forth by old Thomas Heywoode, in his +"Nine Books of Various History concerning Women," published at London +in 1624. A certain sinless maiden, called Bona, "who lived a retired +life in a house of religious Nunnes, had a bedfellow, unto whom, +above all others, she was tied, lying on her death-bed, and no help +to be devised for her recovery." This Bona, being herself in perfect +health, besought the Almighty, that she might not survive her friend; +but, as they had lived together in all sanctity and sisterly love, so +their chaste bodies might not be separated in death. As she prayed, +so it happened. Both died on the same day, and were buried in the +same sepulchre, being fellows in one house, one bed, and one grave; +and now, no question, joyful and joint inheritors of one kingdom. + +NEEDS AND DUTIES OF WOMAN IN THIS AGE. + +IF one-tenth of the efforts which women now make to fill their time +with amusements, or to gratify outward ambition, were devoted to +personal improvement, and to the cultivation of high-toned +friendships with each other, it would do more than any thing else to +enrich and embellish their lives, and to crown them with contentment. +Their characters would thus be elevated, their hearts warmed, their +minds stored, their manners refined, and kindness and courtesy +infused into their intercourse. + +Nothing else will ever add to society the freshness, variety, and +stimulant charm, the noble truths and aspirations, the ingenuous, +co-operating affections, whose absence at present makes it often so +deceitful and repulsive, so barren and wearisome. The relish of +existence is destroyed, the glory of the universe darkened, to +multitudes of tender and highsouled persons, by the loathsome +insincerity and treachery, the frivolous fickleness, the petty +suspicions and envies, and the incompetent judgments, which they are +constantly meeting. These superficial and miserable vices of common +society disenchant the soul, and dry up the springs of love and hope. +They are fatal to that magnanimous wisdom and that trustful sympathy +which compose at once the brightest ornaments of our nature, and the +costliest treasures of experience. Ah, if, in place of them, we could +everywhere meet the honest hand, the open heart, the serious mind, +the frank voice, the upward eye, the emulous and helpful soul largely +endowed with knowledge and reverence! Then one would never be +troubled with that frightfully depressing feeling--the feeling that +there is nothing worth living for. Verily, the most dismal of all +deaths is to die from lack of a sufficient motive for living. And is +it not to be feared that many in our age die this death? + +The true remedy for the fierce, shallow war of society, or its faded +and jaded hollowness, is to be found in generous friendships, +begotten by a common pursuit of the holiest ends of existence. In the +nurture of these relations, by every law of fitness and want, it +belongs to women to take the lead. The realm of the affections, with +its imperious exactions and its imperial largesses, is theirs. +Certainly no right or privilege should be withheld from women; but +they ought to be careful not to mistake dangers or defects or vices +for rights and privileges. It is simple blindness to fail to see that +the distinctively feminine sphere of action is domestic life, and the +inner life--not the brawling mart and caucus. The freedom and +education of woman should be so enlarged that she can include, in +intelligence and sympathy, all the interests of mankind. But, in +action, we would rather coax men to withdraw from the gladiatorial +strifes and shows of the world, than goad women to enter them. + +And yet this statement needs qualification. There is much to be said +on the other side. Woman is still generally regarded, on account of +the transmitted opinions and usages of the past, as a mere appendage +to man. The truth of the greatest importance to be considered is, +that the element of humanity, not the element of sex, is the supreme +fact by which the question should be determined. Seen from the point +of view of absolute morality, man is no more a child of God and an +heir of the eternal universe, than woman. She has a personal destiny +of her own to fulfil, irrespective of him, just as much as he has +one, irrespective of her "The most important duty of woman," it has +been said, "is to perfect man." Why so? No one would say that the +most important duty of man is to perfect woman. And yet, why is it +not just as much his duty to be her servant, as it is her duty to be +his servant? It is a remnant of barbaric prejudice, preserved from +the ages of brute force, which makes the difference in the estimate. +The first duty of every human being is self-perfection. The ideal of +marriage is the mutual perfection of both parties. In its truest +idea, marriage is an institution for the perfecting of the race, by +the perfecting of individual men and women through their co-operating +intelligence and affection. To limit its end to the perfecting of the +man alone, is the highest stretch of masculine arrogance. Is it not a +just inference, that, if woman is as completely a human unit as man, +she has an equal right with him to the use of every means of self- +development in the fulfilment of her destiny? The foremost claim to +be made in behalf of women, therefore, is liberty, as untrammelled a +choice of occupation and mode of life, as free a range of +individuality and spiritual fruition, as is granted to men. But would +this really be an advance, or a retrogression? Many maintain that it +would be subversive of the genuine progress of civilization, to +abandon the prejudices and throw down the bars which have hitherto +restrained women from a full share in the chosen avocations and +ambitions of men. All improvement is marked, they say, by an increase +of differences, greater separation and complexity of offices. +Therefore, to efface or lessen the social distinctions between the +sexes would be to reverse the order of development. Auguste Comte, +who felt a strong interest in this subject, and had a deep insight +into some of its data, says, "All history assures us, that, with the +growth of society, the peculiar features of each sex have become not +less but more distinct. Woman may persuade, advise, judge; but she +should not command. By rivalry in the selfish pursuits of life, +mutual affection between the sexes would be corrupted at its source. +There is a visible tendency towards the removal of women, wherever it +is possible, from all industrial occupations. Christianity has taken +from them the priestly functions they held under Polytheism. With the +decline of the principle of caste, they are more rigidly excluded +from royalty and every kind of political authority. Thus their life, +instead of becoming independent of the Family, is becoming more +concentrated in it. That Man should provide for Woman is a law of the +human race--a law connected with the essentially domestic character of +female life." There is a larger admixture of error in the foregoing +representation, than is usual with this deep and original thinker on +social ethics. It is true that differences increase with the progress +of society; it is also true that similarity increases. There is both +a minuter subdivision of functions, and a wider freedom of choice in +the selection of their functions by individuals. In the rudest state, +the relative condition and mode of life of whole classes are rigidly +fixed by their birth or by arbitrary violence. As science and art are +developed, and wealth accumulated, the varieties of industry and of +social rank are largely multiplied; liberty of choice is extended, +and facility of change is increased. Once there was a royal caste, a +priestly caste, a warrior caste, a servile caste; determined by +blood, and unalterable. These invidious castes are now, for the most +part, broken down, and their several functions comparatively open to +all who, observing the conditions, choose to fulfil them. The most +prevalent and obstinate of caste distinctions is that of sex; the +monopoly by man of public action, power, and honor; the exclusion of +one-half of our race from what men regard as the highest social +prerogatives, an exclusion which was no deliberate act, but a natural +result of historic causes. Dr. Hedge says, with the clear vigor +characteristic of his admirable mind, "As to the charge of exclusion, +I think it would be quite as correct to say that women have combined +to exclude men from the kitchen, the laundry, the nursery, as that +men have combined to exclude women from the army or the navy, or the +bar or the pulpit, or the broker's board. I suppose the assignment of +either sex to the class of occupations which society, as now +constituted, respectively devolves upon them came about in the +beginning as naturally as the difference in costume which has always +divided male and female. A sense of fitness, of natural affinity, +determined each in its several way. There was no compulsion of the +weaker by the stronger, and no formal allotment. Each following its +own instincts arrived where it is. A tacit agreement settled this +point as it has so many others of the social economy. Nor would any +discontent with the present arrangement have arisen; had the family +life kept pace with the growth of society." This exclusive usurpation +of the public life by man--or rather, as we should say, this natural +development and division--so organized by immemorial usage as to have +become a second nature in both parties, is at last beginning to +reveal its injustice, and to give way. In savage life, woman is +little more than a bearer of burdens, a slave, and a drudge; as +coarse as man, and lower in rank and treatment. The man fishes, +hunts, fights, plays, rests; putting every repulsive task exclusively +on the woman. It is the brute right of the stronger, which very +slowly yields to the refining influence of reflective sympathy. + +With each successive advance of society, it is not true that the +distinction of sex becomes more definite and more important; but it +is true that the distinctive feeling of men towards women becomes +less a feeling of scorn and authority--more a feeling of deference and +homage. Woman is as distinct from man in the grossest barbarism as in +the finest civility: only, in that, she is the degraded servant of +his senses; in this, the honored companion of his soul. If, with the +progress of society, the sphere of feminine life becomes more +domestic, inward, individual, so also does that of man. His ideal +life constantly encroaches more on his active life; his physical +energies become less predominant, and his moral sympathies stronger. +Woman begins by being totally distinct from man in personality and +estate, totally subjected to him in service. She goes on, with the +improvement of civilization, to be ever freer from his authority, +nearer his equal in status, more closely blended with him in +personality and moral pursuits. They are not master and servant; but +equals, responsible to one another for mutual perfection, each +responsible to God for personal perfection. While, therefore, to +efface the intrinsic characteristics of the sexes would undoubtedly +be a retrograde step, it is an impossible step, which no one proposes +to take. It is proposed merely to efface those factitious +characteristics, whose removal will clear away barriers and secure +the more rapid improvement of all, by blending their culture, their +liberty, and their worship--showing us men and women as equal units of +humanity in its personal ends, but dependent co-adjutors in its +social means. + +The common destiny of a woman, as a representative of humanity, is +the same as that of a man; namely, the perfect development of her +being in the knowledge of truth, and in the practice of virtue and +piety. Her peculiar destiny is wifehood and maternity. But if she +declines this peculiar destiny of her sex, or it is denied her, still +her common human destiny remains unforfeited; and she has as clear a +right to the unrestricted use of every means of fulfilling it as she +could have if she were a man. + +The good wife and mother fulfils a beautiful and a sublime office--the +fittest and the happiest office she can fulfil. If her domestic cares +occupy and satisfy her faculties, it is a fortunate adjustment; and +it is right that her husband should relieve her of the duty of +providing for her subsistence. But what shall be said of those +millions of women who are not wives and mothers; who have no adequate +domestic life--no genial private occupation or support? + +Multitudes of women have too much self respect to be desirous of +being supported in idleness by men; too much genius and ambition to +be content with spending their lives in trifles; and too much +devotedness not to burn to be doing their share in the relief of +humanity, the work and progress of the world. If these were all happy +wives and mothers, that might be best. But denied that function, and +being what they are, why should not all the provinces of public labor +and usefullness, which they are capable of occupying, be freely open +to them? What else is it save prejudice that applauds a woman dancing +a ballet or performing an opera, but shrinks with disgust from one +delivering an oration, preaching a sermon, or casting a vote? Why is +it less womanly to prescribe as a physician than to tend as a nurse? +If a woman have a calling to medicine, divinity, law, literature, +art, instruction, trade, or honorable handicraft, it is hard to see +any reason why she should not have a fair chance of pursuing it. + +Of course, such must ever be the exceptional callings of women; but +in proportion as those not otherwise more satisfactorily employed +enter into them, we must believe that the burden on men, instead of +being aggravated by the new competition, will be shared, and thus +lightened, and the best interests of society receive impulse. Is it +not, then, a sound claim which demands for women a full initiation +into all the noble realms and interests of humanity? Slavery and +ignorance engender worse vices and more hopeless degradation than can +result from the exposures of freedom and knowledge. Besides, freedom +and knowledge are the guides to every form of nobleness. They alone +can fit women truly to exert their most sacred prerogatives. Those +who have enjoyed the best means of knowing the truth say, that the +Harems of the East are the hot-beds of every wicked quality whose +seeds slumber in the heart of woman. Surrounded by rivals; +incessantly watched by those cunning and merciless monsters, the +eunuchs; knowing nothing of science, art, literature, or industry-- +they must be devoured by animal passion, by love of intrigue and +deception, by jealousy, envy, and hatred. The true remedy for the +melancholy stagnation or the frightful effervescence of their +existence is not indeed to call them forth into a contest with men +for the notice of society and the prizes of the world; but to give +them their liberty, remanding them to their own consciences and the +social sanctions of the great laws of right and wrong, to educate +them to the highest point in every department of knowledge and +sentiment, and to throw open to them the boundless field of private +and public moral influence, with a fair chance for the achievement of +happiness. + +Therefore, while as perfect an education, and as absolute a liberty, +are claimed for women as for men, they are to be adjured to remember +that their conscious aims should be wisdom, goodness, spiritual +force, delicacy, and harmony, with the consequent moral influence and +contentment; and not the trophies of power, or the publicities of +fame. And precisely the same duty holds with regard to men. + +The effort to attain the highest graces of character, instead of +plunging recklessly into the selfish ways of the world, is as truly +obligatory for man as for woman. + +Brazen impudence, unprincipled greed, ignorance, cruelty, are vices +in him too; modesty, patience, obedience, cleanliness, and +aspiration, are virtues in him too. If those vices were to receive a +new development, these virtues a new check, by setting before women +the higher industries and prizes of society, it would be an immense +evil. But is it not probable that such a course will do more to +elevate than to degrade, by a larger diffusion of the moral +stimulants and restraints of life more closely assimilating the sexes +in their diversity, interchanging their respective traits for mutual +advantage, and speeding them forward in the common race? The two most +pronounced feminine characteristics are tenderness and purity; +masculine, courage and knowledge. Humanity will not be perfected, +either in individual character or social destiny, by the greater +separate enhancement of these in the sexes, but only by their +balanced diffusion in both, making the women wise and courageous, the +men tender and pure. + +It is necessary to see more clearly the grounds on which women, as a +class, have hitherto been excluded from public activity and +authority, in order properly to understand the justice or the +injustice of that exclusion. And, in studying the origin of customs +and opinions now prevalent, it is as much our right to do it with +freedom, as it is our duty to do it with reverence. Many persons +forget that the highest question is, what ought to be? and not, What +has been or is? Usages frequently endure after their utility has +ceased, after their propriety has gone. The true ideal of human +conduct is not to be seen in the imperfections of the past, but to be +constructed from the perfections of the future. The fact that a thing +has always been, is an historic justification of it for bygone time, +but not a moral justification of it for coming time. This requires +intrinsic and enduring reasons--reasons of right and use. While the +exclusion of women from public life has been natural in the ages +behind us, it is a distinct inquiry whether such an exclusion be +either obligatory or expedient now. + +History demonstrates that the male sex has greater muscular strength, +with its natural accompaniments, than the female. The more +differentiated and largely supplied nervous structure, connected with +the offices of maternity, detracts so much from the amount of force +furnished for the muscles and the will. In the rudeness of the +primitive state, it is an unavoidable result of the superior muscular +power of man that woman is his subject. But the more pronounced +nervous system of woman gives her certain spiritual advantages. Her +greater sensibility, her greater seclusion, with its relative +stimulus of solitude and meditation; the closer endearments of +maternity--develop her affections in a higher degree than his. Hence +arises a tendency to refinement, elevation, influence, on her part--a +tendency, to which, in proportion to his moral susceptibility, he +responds with sympathy, respect, and veneration. Every step of social +progress has been marked by a softening of the tyranny of man and a +lifting of the position of woman--an approximation towards an equal +companionship. First the tool of his will, next the toy of his +pleasure, then the minister of his vanity, she is at last to become +the free sharer of his life, the friend of his mind and heart. In the +first of these stages, no question of right was consciously raised: +the brute preponderance of strength decided all. In the last stage, +there will be no question in debate, no exercise of executive +authority on either side; all being settled by a spontaneous harmony +of privileges and renunciations on both sides. But in the +intermediate stages, covering the whole historic period thus far, man +has sought to justify himself in monopolizing authority. + +The first argument of the master was the argument, prompted by the +unneutralized selfish instincts, that the mere possession of power to +rule, gives the right to rule. Muscular superiority is, by intrinsic +fitness and necessity, divinely installed to reign. Woman, as "the +weaker vessel," must obey. Such a mode of thought was unavoidable, +and had its legitimate ages of sway. But no moralist would dream of +adopting it, after the conscience has advanced to the stage of +general principles, has risen into the region of disinterested +sympathy or justice. No one would now consciously employ this +argument to maintain the subjection of women; yet in multitudes, +below the stratum of their conscious thoughts, it blindly upholds +that subjection. A single consideration is enough to show the logical +absurdity of the assumption. If men are entitled to the exclusive +enjoyment of political privileges, simply because they have more +physical might, then, by the same principle, among men themselves, +the weak should be subject to the strong. But the very purpose of +law, the moral essence of civilization, is to rectify the natural +domination of strength, and bring all before a common standard. + +The argument from intellectual inferiority is as vacant as that from +muscular inferiority. In the first place, it is an open question +whether women, as a whole, are inferior in mind to men. Many +intelligent judges firmly believe, that, taken as a whole, they are +superior. Cornelius Agrippa wrote a book in 1509, entitled "The +Nobility of the Female Sex, and the Superiority of Woman over Man." +Lucretia Marinella published a book at Venice, in 1601, undertaking +to prove the superiority of her sex to the other. A book entitled "La +Femme Genereuse," an attempt to demonstrate "that the women are more +noble, more polite, more courageous, more knowing, more virtuous, and +better managers than the men," was published at Paris, in 1643. +Madame Guillaume also published at Paris, in 1665, a work called "Les +Dames Illustres," devoted to the proof of the proposition that the +female sex surpasses the masculine in all kinds of valuable +qualifications. Mrs. Farnham devotes her book "Woman and her Era," +published in New York in 1864, to the support of the same thesis, +with new arguments and illustrations. That woman is intellectually +superior to man, was likewise the opinion of Schopenhauer, an +exceedingly strong and independent thinker. The supreme examples of +genius have indeed been furnished by men; but this is no disproof of +the opinion, that the average height and quickness of feminine +mentality are above the masculine average. + +Granting, however, that women have less spiritual force than men, +they certainly have greater fineness. Their smaller volume of power +is compensated by their greater delicacy and tact, their more +sensitive moral capacity: the power of self-sacrifice is surely +higher than the power of self-assertion. The examples of queens, from +Semiramis to Domna, from Zenobia to Catherine; of philosophers and +scholars, like Theano, Hypatia, and Olympia Morata; of founders of +orders and institutions, organizers and leaders of great enterprises, +like Clara and Chantal; of actresses, like Siddons; of singers, like +Malibran; of scientists, like Somerville; of heroines, like Charlotte +Corday and Joan of Arc; of mystic prophetesses, like Kriidener; of +religious thinkers, like Sarah Hennell; of novelists, like Madame +Dudevant and Marian Evans; of artists, teachers, martyrs, saints--a +host whose faces shine on us out of history, have abundantly +vindicated for their sex, so far as force of will, intellect, +imagination, and passion is concerned, the right of eminent domain in +the whole empire of human experience. Besides, admitting the courage, +knowledge, skill, and energy of average men to be greater than those +of average women, the difference in their respective opportunities +and training would go far towards explaining it. Women, as a class, +have been excluded from a thousand lists and stimulants, under whose +influences men have been sedulously educated. And, finally, even if +we confess the hopeless inferiority of woman to man in some of the +highest departments of action, that is no reason for denying her the +chance to go as far as she can. If her mental victories must be lower +and narrower than his, still she should enjoy the stimulus of the +struggle, as one means of aiding the fulfilment of her human destiny. +Because one can do more than another, shall he compel the other to do +nothing? + +When the untenableness of muscular or mental power, as a ground for +holding women in an inferior position, becomes obvious, the next +support man conceives for his exclusive appropriation of authority, +is the belief that he is exclusively the representative and +vicegerent of God on earth; that woman is placed in subordination to +him by the direct command of God. In the Hindu law we read, "The +husband of a woman is her deity;" and in the Ramayana, "A husband is +the god of his consort." The New Testament says, "Man is the head of +the woman, but the head of the man is God;" "Man is the glory of God, +but woman is the glory of man. For the man is not of the woman, but +the woman of the man." The Apostle likewise declares, "I suffer not a +woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in +silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve." This position of the +Apostle was based on the Hebrew account of the creation of the first +woman from the rib of the first man, and of the sentence of God upon +her in consequence of her sin in eating the apple: "Thou shalt be +subject to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Few persons +have a conception of the extent to which this representation has +moulded the opinions and feelings of the Christian world. The origin +of the view is obvious: the desire of the stronger for homage, and +the willingness of the weaker to reflect that desire in their +conduct. Is it a sound view? or is it a fallacy and a superstition? +or is it a mixture of truth and error? + +For those who believe in the infallibility of every word of +Scripture, the subject is taken out of the province of natural +reason, conscience, and expediency; and there is nothing to be said. +They hold by the current tradition as the explicit will of God. But, +at the present day, there is an increasing proportion of persons who +look on the Hebrew narrative of the origin and earliest experience of +our race in the garden of Eden, as a legend, similar to kindred +narratives in other literatures. They are led, by teachings of +philosophy and science which they cannot resist, to the conclusion, +that the Almighty did not produce the human species by an arbitrary +and wholly exceptional interposition; but created them just as he did +the other species--through a law of development. It seems to them +incredible, that man and woman were made separately, in succession, +the latter exclusively for the former. They are obliged to suppose +that man and woman were created simultaneously--the differentiation of +sex having gone on in the lower types for incomputable ages, causing +humanity to appear in its earliest rise as male and female. So, +instead of saying, "The man was not made for the woman, but the woman +for the man," they would affirm, "The man and the woman were equally +made for each other, to advance hand in hand to perfection." Those +who assume this scientific point of view, will see that the question +of the rights of woman, and her true relation to man, is to be +decided purely by a philosophical mastery of the expediency and +inexpediency, the essential right and wrong, in the facts of the +case. The question of the eligibility of woman to public life and +political prerogatives has nothing to do with her comparative +personal weakness; nothing to do with any supposed rule, given in an +ancient revelation; nothing to do with any supposition that man was +the first to be created and the second to sin, woman the second to be +created and the first to sin. Did priority of creation confer +authority to govern, then man should obey the lower animals; for they +were made before he was. Even Apostolic logic sometimes limps. The +question can be understood only by a correct perception of the will +of God, as indicated in the nature and destiny of progressive +humanity composed of male and female. + +What, then, is the will of God, so indicated? Regarded as the two +halves of humanity, men and women are alike and equal. Their +unlikeness, when regarded as male and female, cannot destroy this +primary and fundamental equality, or vitiate any of the rights it +involves. Consequently, whatever belongs to humanity proper, belongs +equally to men and to women. Woman has an equal claim with man to +every thing permanently connected with the fulfilment of the human +destiny; that is, the full and harmonious exercise of the faculties +of human nature. The division into male and female, affecting not +their equality of rights, merely gives special fitnesses and duties +to each. Unquestionably, the higher nervous development and maternal +offices of woman relatively fit her for tenderness and domesticity: +the coarser muscular development and adventurousness of man +relatively fit him for hardihood and publicity. But this can furnish +no ground for subjecting one, and enthroning the other. It is a +reason for their equal co-operation in assimilating each other's best +qualities for their mutual and common perfection. Every thing that is +good should be granted to both: whatever is evil should not be sought +by either. + +The true social desideratum at last is, not that women, equally with +men, assume the exercise of authority; but that men, equally with +women, forego the exercise of authority. The genuine perfection of +humanity, instead of being the enforced obedience of one half to the +other half, is the spontaneous obedience of both halves to the law of +God. The incomplete statement of Paul, "I suffer not a woman to usurp +authority," is supplemented by the far deeper word of Christ, "Ye +know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, +and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall +not be so among you: whosoever will be great among you, let him be +your minister; and whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your +servant." This is the ideal of the future--that man shall no more have +authority to command than woman, everybody doing right voluntarily, +under the intrinsic sway of morality. Politics is the reign of force +by legislative sanctions: morality is the reign of affection by +social sanctions. The latter is pre-eminently the sphere of woman. Is +it her sole sphere, or is she also called to enter the other sphere? + +One thing is clear; namely, that it is unjust for the laws to +discriminate against women on account of their actual exclusion from +political power. They ought to have the same legal rights as men to +earn, hold, and control property. Since they have the same interest +as man in the laws they live under, they are entitled, in some way, +either by their own voice or through others, to the same +consideration in the framing and execution of those laws. + +Shall we go still further, and say that they ought to take an equal +part with men in the caucus, at the ballot-box, in the senate, at the +bar, on the bench, and elsewhere? If universal suffrage be the true +theory of government, then, logically, women are entitled to vote; +because they, equally with men, represent humanity. Every asserted +disqualification, on the ground of ignorance or preoccupation, is +sophistical; because the same plea would disqualify four-fifths of +the men too. If a government of all by all be the true theory, it is +a wrong to exclude women. If they are not fully qualified, they ought +to become qualified; and the only way to qualify them is to confess +their claim and begin their education. Either all should vote, or +merely those who are fitted: if merely those who are fitted, then +thousands of men would be shut out, thousands of women admitted. + +The plea for the admission of women to political activity is often +met by the assertion, that they do not themselves wish it; that the +best women revolt with profound distaste from every thing of the +sort. But is this distaste a veracious instinct? or is it a +prejudice, owing to the ideal of feminine character and life, which +they have been educated to admire? Men have coveted a monopoly of +executive power, and held up passive obedience as the fittest type of +womanliness. Women, as a general rule, partake the prejudices, and +like to flatter the vanity, of the stronger sex. The question is not, +What do women desire? but, What ought they to desire? What is right +and best for them? The question must not be decided by any thing +extrinsic or accidental, any prejudices or fortuitous associations. + +Every measure of intrinsic justice should be sustained despite of the +incidental evils which may be feared. The opinion that women would be +demoralized by voting, is no reason for withholding that right from +them, if it be a right. To become egotistic, clamorous, corrupt, and +brazen, is not a necessary accompaniment of political life; but is +the personal fault of those who become so, and just as much a vice in +men as in women, just as good a reason for recalling those from the +ballot-box, as for withholding these. There is no incompatibility +between the different realms of duty or of privilege. + +What would be the effect of female voting? The physical womanliness +of woman essentially consists in wifehood and maternity. This, of +course, cannot be changed by any enlargement of her domain of +interests and activities. Her moral womanliness consists in modesty +and self-denial, the preponderance of disinterestedness over egotism. +Now, is there any real likelihood that the assumption by women of the +elective franchise, with its accompaniments, will destroy this type +of womanhood, universally acknowledged as the ideal of womanly beauty +and excellence? Is it not too well established in the authority of +the most cultivated souls, to be so easily shaken? It is the true +type, which, developed out of the historic progress in social +conditions, cannot be lost, but must be more confirmed and glorified +by the continued action, in the future, of the same causes which have +already produced it. Not the destruction of the most exalted moral +type of feminine character, rather its extension to masculine +character, is what is to be looked for in the changes of the future. +The greater the number of types of character exhibited to the public, +and the greater the facility of comparison between them, the more +sharply defined, and the more clearly recognized, will the best one +be. Will not a pure and noble woman, eminently fitted by her wisdom +and virtues for social influence, entering the political arena, set +an example there, adapted to make men revere her, assimilate to her, +and become themselves more modest, self-sacrificing, and +incorruptible? On the other hand, when she is unfitted and unworthy, +will not the reflection, in her, of their own vices of exasperated +rivalry, pride, and tyranny, appear doubly detestable? Then the +ideal, so far from being injured, would rather be improved--manly +responsibilities making the women less timid and foolish, contact +with womanly sentiment making the men less coarse and reckless. How +well this conclusion is sustained by sound probabilities, deserves to +be carefully weighed. No one should dogmatize on it. + +In determining how far, if at all, women had best enter into the +sphere of public life, and take part in the functions of government, +there remains another consideration, which will be decisive with many +minds. It is drawn from the difference between those things which are +in themselves good, and therefore enduring parts of human life, and +those things which are merely provisional means to good--means +necessitated by existing evils, but destined gradually to lessen, and +finally to pass away. Were political government an intrinsic and +permanent end, an essential good of humanity, all, or at least all +who are qualified, should share in it; because every human being has +a right to a portion in every thing which is indispensable to the +completion of the human destiny. Liberty, culture, and work are +intrinsic and eternal elements of the human lot: women, therefore, +have as clear a claim to these as men. But government is not a good +in itself, is not an end. It is an evil attendant on human +wickedness, a means devised to prevent severer evils; an element of +decreasing proportions and of temporary duration. It is an artifice +which we wish to see lessen as fast as is safe, and to disappear as +soon as is possible. + +Take the example of war. War is an evil, a transient incident in the +fortunes of humanity; therefore the fewer who take part in it, the +better. Women, being out of it, had best keep out of it. No one +desires to have women become soldiers. Mental and physical labor +will, as long as the world lasts, be a necessary part of the +experience of humanity; therefore men and women properly have a joint +heritage in its exactions and its privileges. But government is a +passing phase in the evolution of the social system: when men are +perfected, it will vanish in spontaneous obedience. War or crude +violence universally governed in the primitive society. Little by +little, this barbaric reign of force was encroached upon and +superseded by politics, the forms of statesmanship and legislation. +Then, little by little, the realm and rule of politics began to +shrink before the increasing sway of conscience, reason, and +sympathy, the personal law of justice and love, the intrinsic motives +appropriated by the private heart from society and religion. As war +has been narrowing and receding before politics, politics in turn +must narrow and recede before morality. The less need a nation has of +governmental interference for the securing of justice, the better off +that nation is. The smaller the number of persons engaged in working +that political mechanism, which is never productive, but merely +regulative, the better it would seem to be for the people. We do not +desire ever to see a woman occupy the office of a hangman, nor of a +prosecuting attorney, nor yet of an electioneering politician; +because, these being transient accompaniments of an imperfect +society, the desideratum is to have concentrated on them the interest +and energy of the smallest number competent to secure the needful +results of order. He who believes that a universal devotion to +politics would most speedily achieve the end of politics, namely, the +supersedure of its whole machinery by the arrival at a self- +rectifying observance of the conditions of private and public +welfare--must advocate the bestowment of legislative and other public +functions on women. Let all take part in voting and governing, for +the sake of more quickly reaching the time when none shall vote or +govern, but every one be a law unto himself. On the contrary, he who +believes that a universal rush into public life, forensic +controversy, party and personal rivalry, would exasperate the +interest, and prolong the dominion, of politics, must earnestly +recommend women to abstain from the struggle. Whatever logical right +they may have, he will think it best that they abandon that right, +and devote their zeal to the sphere of morality, whose elements are +the eternal concern of all humankind. A wider outbreak of plots and +cabals, an enlargement of the chase for notoriety and the scramble +for office, a more virulent division of neighbors and of families, a +new lease for the spirit of ambition and partisanship, would be an +evil of the deadliest fatality. Being out of politics, which is the +transient sphere of some, is it not best that woman keep out of it, +and devote herself to morality, which is the permanent sphere of all? +Here is furnished an honorable ground on which she may be, not shut +out of, but excused from, the province of government. + +What is the ideal of perfect society? Is it a state where there is a +universal contention for notice, power, and honor? Then let women +enter that contest now. Is it a state where each is content with the +personal fruition of his own powers, in harmony with the same +enjoyment by all others? Then let women, by setting such an example +of abstinence from the public realm of politics, draw men also to +their true happiness, in "the realm of home and morals." + +Turning from the authority of history to the authority of moral +science, there is no reason for the enslavement of woman to man. This +is not yet fully seen, because the historic type of woman as pure +subject, of man as pure sovereign, has sunk so deeply into the +imagination of both sexes. The Gentoo Code declared, "A woman ought +to burn herself alive on the funeral pyre of her husband." Body and +soul, she was a mere appendage to him. The Mosaic Code declared a +woman unclean eighty days after bearing a female child, but only +forty days after bearing a male child. One of the laws of Solon +forbade the Greek fathers and brothers from selling their daughters +and sisters as slaves; showing that such an infamous custom had been +prevalent. The passage of thousands of years had brought a degree of +physical emancipation to woman; but she still remained mentally +servile, when Catharine Parr said to her husband, Henry VII, "Your +majesty doth know right well, neither I myself am ignorant, what +great imperfection, by our first creation, is allotted to us women, +to be appointed as inferior and subject unto man as our head; and +that, as God made man in his own likeness, even so hath he made woman +of man, by whom she is to be governed." This type of unquestioning +subjection and obedience is depicted by Chaucer, after Boccaccio, in +his "Griselda," and by Tennyson in his "Enid." The husbands of these +most lovely and womanly of women try their temper, and their +subjectedness, by the most capricious, and the most cruel, tests. +They submit to every thing with unmurmuring sweetness and humility. +The true lesson of these charming stories is, that an inexhaustible +self-abnegation and obedience forms the most heavenly trait and power +of human nature. But it is a perversion to limit the application to +woman. Moral excellence is the same in man as in woman. It is an +outrage to make that meek submission to wrong, which shows so +divinely in her, a duty; and it is equally an outrage to make that +autocratic authority of man over woman, which he so complacently +assumes, a right. The progressive emancipation of woman, revealed in +history, will go on until she ceases to be, in any sense, "a mere +appendage of man," and they become mutually as independent as they +are mutually dependent. + +It is very curious to study the extremes of dishonor and of honor, in +which women, as such, have been held, at different periods, under +various social conditions. In the Oriental world, in consequence of +the character fostered in them by despotism, they have always been +regarded by men with complacent condescension as toys, or with +distrust and scorn as vicious inferiors. In the Classic world, they +were always treated as far inferior to the other sex, and held up in +literature in the most odious light. Euripides was surnamed the +woman-hater, from the scorn with which he depicts the sex. The +comedies of Aristophanes are mercilessly sarcastic, in their +portrayals of women: his "Ecclesia" might be taken for a freshly +painted ironical picture of the "Woman's-rights Movement" of to-day. +And what a frightful picture of the Roman women Juvenal paints in his +"Sixth Satire "! In the Christian world, the pagan type of woman, +thought of as lower and wickeder than man, bore, for a long period, +an aggravated form, imparted by an intense theological dogma. The +theologians taught that woman--by the seduction of Adam and the +introduction of original sin, which led to the crucifixion of Christ-- +was the guiltiest and worst of human beings, the Temptress of Man and +the Murderess of God. Hear how Tertullian raged against her: "She +should always be veiled, clothed in mourning and in rags; that the +eye may see in her a penitent, drowned in tears, and atoning for the +sin of having ruined the human race. Woman! thou art the gateway of +Satan." + +The condition of women in the East has been unfavorably affected by +polygamy, despotism, stagnant ignorance, their close confinement, and +the profound sensual element in their religion. Yet there are +exceptions to the rule there as well as elsewhere. It was a woman who +recited the "Arabian Nights' Entertainments" to the Sultan. Oriental +literature boasts many shining names of women. We have a pleasing +introduction to some of them in Garcia de Tassy's essay on "The +Female Poets of India." Ruckert's "Hamiisa," a collection of Arabic +poetry, contains specimens from fifty-five female poets of Arabia. +The genius of the Mohammedan saint, Rabia, has been given to fame by +her wonderful sayings, translated into many modern tongues. In spite +of these examples, however, the superiority of the condition of +Western women over Eastern is not only incontestable, but, as a +whole, incomparable. + +The difference of the character of Jesus from that of Mohammed, and +the difference of the spirit which they showed in their personal +relations with women, would legitimate just the difference now +existing in the condition of women, respectively in Christian and +Mohammedan lands. Passing over other more notorious incidents, one +anecdote will illustrate this statement. After the battle of Bedr, a +Jewess of Medina, named Asma, wrote some satirical couplets against +Mohammed. Omeir, at dead of night, instigated by the prophet, crept +into the apartment where Asma, surrounded by her children, lay +asleep. Feeling stealthily with his hand, he removed her infant from +her breast, and plunged his sword into her bosom with such force that +it went through her back. The next morning, at prayers in the Mosque, +Mohammed said, "Hast thou slain the daughter of Marwan?" "Yes; but is +there cause of fear for what I have done?" The implacable prophet +replied, "None whatever: two goats will not knock their heads +together for it." + +Lamartine says of the Armenians, with whom he was intimate at +Damascus, "I could not turn my eyes from these beautiful and graceful +women. Our visits and conversations were everywhere prolonged; and I +found them as amiable as they were lovely. The customs of Europe, the +dress and ways of the women of the West, were our chief topics. They +did not seem to envy the lives of our women; and, on observing the +grace, the amiability, the simplicity, the serenity of mind and heart +which they preserved in the seclusion of their domestic life, it +would be difficult to say what they could envy in our women of the +world, who, in the turmoil of society, waste in a few years their +beauty, their minds, and their health." And yet, allowing the utmost +for this greater calm and contentment, our women would lose a boon, +standing quite alone in its immense value, if they were to give up +that liberty which is so fast gaining them a full share in every real +privilege enjoyed by men. Christian women mingle on equal terms in +our social, literary, patriotic, and religious festivals. Hindu or +Mohammedan ladies are condemned merely to look in, through windows +grated with bamboo slats, on the preaching of the priests, and on the +banquets of their husbands. Perhaps our ignorance as to the facts, +and our prejudices as to the principle, exaggerate the actual evils +of polygamy in Asia. The most trustworthy travellers there testify +that not one man in ten can afford to maintain more than one wife; +and that not one in ten, of those who can afford it, will venture on +the trial, if they have a child by the first. Besides, the dreadful +mortality of wives in many parts of America--owing to excessive worry, +household drudgery, and rapid child-bearing--amounts to polygamy, only +it is successive instead of simultaneous. + +But one privilege European and American women have, which they cannot +easily over-estimate; namely, their exemption from the irresponsible +despotism still exercised over a majority of their sisters. The whole +force of public opinion and of civil law is pledged for their +protection. In his travels in Khasmir, published in 1844, Vigne +relates this horrid incident, which happened within his own +knowledge. Mihan Singh, governor of Kabul, had a favorite wife, the +mother of his only son, who was accused of an intrigue. Her son, +fearing the worst, dashed his turban on the ground before his father-- +the most imploring act an Oriental can use--and knelt, bareheaded, at +his feet. But the enraged husband was inexorable, and caused his +hapless wife to be baked alive. What a breadth of progress separates +us from the state of society in which such a deed could be done +openly, and without illegality, by a ruler! Can any woman be too +grateful that she stands on this side of that breadth instead of on +the other side? It is to be feared that her sex is not always mindful +enough of the duty of those who are free to be bravely sincere and +true. Deceit is proper to the slave. Liberty imposes frankness. The +Asiatic woman carefully covers her face, but leaves her legs naked, +and considers her European sister shameless in reversing this custom, +There are, however, more impenetrable veils than those outwardly put +on. When we compare the simplicity of the primitive ages of the East +with the guileful art and hardened worldliness of the fashionable +society of the West, we are tempted to think, that the more woman has +bared her face, the more she has masked her mind. + +Truth requires us to qualify the view of the social condition of +women which we derive from the comic poets, from the later Greek +writers in general, and from the biting epigrams on women preserved +in the Greek Anthology. That qualification may be drawn from the +history of Sappho. The consenting conclusions of the best critical +scholars of recent times--as may be seen in such works as Smith's +"Dictionary of Greek and Roman Biography" and Miller's "Literature of +Ancient Greece,"--have cleared her name from the foul aspersions +thrown on it by the authors of a subsequent age, who interpreted her +life and works by the unclean standards of their own. "Not a line in +her fragments, rightly understood, can cast a cloud on her fair +fame." In her time, sensual and sentimental love were not distinctly +separated; and she expressed her passionate but pure sentiments with +a simple freedom and fervor afterwards grossly misconceived. It is to +a friend of her own sex that Sappho writes, "Equal to the gods seems +to me the man who sits opposite to thee, and watches thy sweet mouth +and charming smile. While I look at thee, my heart loses its force, +my tongue ceases to speak, a subtile fire glides through my veins, +and a rushing sound fills my ears." This mixture of feelings, this +carrying on of friendships between men, or between women, in the +language of passionate love, without the implication of any thing +corrupt, was a feature of the Greek character, unknown to nations of +a poorer and colder temperament. It seems, as is set forth by Miller, +in the fourth book of his "Dorians," that, in Lesbos, and some other +parts of Greece, female societies were formed, each under the lead of +some woman of distinguished genius, for the cultivation of poesy, +music, refinement and grace of manners, and the other elegant arts. +Girls were sent from distant cities, and even from foreign lands, to +be educated in these societies. Sappho was the head of one of them. +She calls her house, "The House of the Servant of the Muses." She +formed ardent friendships with many of her pupils. It is these +friendships which she celebrates in most of her poems. They reveal +the varied, affectionate intercourse sometimes known by the women of +classic Greece in their private apartments. The fragments which have +reached our day preserve, as the names of the choicest friends of +Sappho, Telesilla, Megara, Athis, Mnasidica; Anactoria, of Miletus; +Gongyla, of Colophon; Eunica, of Salamis; and Damophila, of +Pamphylia. The animosity of her allusions to her rivals, Gorgo and +Andromeda, shows that she could hate as vigorously as she loved, and +reminds us of the title of Middleton's tragedy, "Women, beware +Women!" + +In the world of modern civilization, the tendency is in the opposite +direction from that of the Oriental, Classic, and early Christian +worlds. It expresses reverence for woman as a moral superior. But the +chivalrous impulse to exalt woman above man is as mistaken as the +impulse to degrade her beneath him. Humanity is worshipful only as it +exhibits worshipful attributes; and these attributes have the same +rank, wherever they appear. A woman deserves to be honored above a +man only as she has more than he of the highest qualities of +humanity. The moment she demands precedence, the crown crumbles from +her brows in fragments of dark decay. This lesson is finely taught in +the ancient Hindu epic, the "Mahilbhiirata." As Radhika walked with +Krishna, her soul was elated with pride, and she thought herself +better than he; and she said, "O my beloved! I am weary, and I pray +you to carry me upon your shoulders." Krishna sat down and smiled, +and beckoned to her to mount. But, when she stretched forth her hand, +he vanished from her sight; and she remained alone, with outstretched +hand. Then Radhika wept bitterly. + +The superiority ascribed to woman by fine minds in our era--a trait +conspicuous, when we look from Tibullus to Frauenlob, from Pindar to +Patmore--is often supposed to be her due, on account of some quality +inherent in her mere femineity. It should be seen to be a consequence +of the purer representation of goodness in her, by virtue of her +personal renunciation of the struggle for precedence. Her mission is +to set the example, and diffuse the spirit, of contented goodness-- +goodness contenting itself with the universal growth of goodness. In +what way can she ever fulfil this mission, except by attracting man +likewise to withdraw from the selfish battle for social distinction, +and devote himself to the private attainment of personal perfection, +and the public benefaction of his race? The chivalric transference of +authority from man to woman is a striking instance of the propensity +of human nature to oscillate from one extreme to the other. + +Some of the champions of the "rights of women," in our day, +apparently commit the error of inverting the real desideratum, which +is, to make men renounce and love like the finest women--not to make +women exact and fight like the coarsest men. They act as if they +thought men were both better and better off than women, and were to +be taken as models by them. But our hope lies in the saint, not in +the amazon. Woman, as seen in the Mary who sat at the feet of Christ, +brings a heavenly ministration to rescue man from every thing +discordant: woman, as seen in the Penthesilea who fought Achilles, +offers man but a perverted reflection of himself. + +The common belief, that human life began in a paradisal state, is a +sentimental and mischievous error. The cradles of civilization are +full of murder. First, for a period of unknown duration, raged the +strife for precedence in physical power and its grossest symbols. In +civilized nations, this strife is now, for the most part, reduced to +boys and pugilists, who are always eager to try each other's +strength, and to crow above a thrown antagonist. Next came the strife +for precedence in social power, and its finer symbols of rank, +wealth, position, and fame. This strife may be traced in every record +of the past and present; is far more extensive, seductive, and +tenacious than the former; and has been left behind, as yet, only by +the saintliest exemplars of our race. The third period, the ideal +period which we now await, is one in which there shall be no strife +among mankind for comparative superiority over each other; but, in +place of it, a universal co-operating struggle for intrinsic personal +worth, a constant advancement in gaining the real prizes of being. +Then the wretched experiences of hate and jealousy, with their +thousandfold sins and pains, will rapidly lessen. There will be no +motives for envy and opposition, since the aims of men will be alike; +and the gain of each, so far from being a loss to the rest, will be a +gain to all. Let there be no strife for precedence, and all society +must be the wiser, purer, and happier for every spiritual gain made +by any member of it. Ambitious rivalry is wretchedness, and sure to +end in sickening disappointment. Disinterested aspiration, equally to +women and to men, is the benign mother of happiness. + +We read in the Norse mythology, that the gods tied Loki, the +impersonation of the evil principle, to three sharp rocks, and hung a +snake over him in such a way, that its venom should drip on his face. +But, in this dreadful case, there was one who did not forsake him. +His wife Sigyn sat close by his head, and held a bowl to catch the +torturing drops. As often as the bowl was full, she emptied it with +the utmost haste; because, during that time, the drops struck on his +face, and made him scream with agony. Her patience in holding the +bowl, and her speed in emptying it, never failed. It is a forcible +emblem of the ministration of woman to man. But, for man to impose a +service of this nature on woman as her duty, is a cruel arrogance and +wrong. The voluntary spirit of such a service teaches the one lesson +which man himself needs to learn for his own salvation. + +The laborious life of a statesman, a merchant, a banker, or a +mechanic, is not rewarded by tender emotions, but by power, applause, +or money. The heart of such a man, too often, gradually ossifies, +becomes insensible to those fine and noble fruitions which +imperatively demand leisure, and a steady lucid sensibility. The hard +devotions of an external utility devour the riches of the +imagination, and destroy the overflow of the affections. But the +woman, who, shielded from the harsh frictions of the world, makes her +soul a pure and still mirror of every form of celestial truth and +good, may well be an inspiring prophetess for those who reverence and +love her. Such a woman is, in some degree, a living representative of +that star-girt face of the Virgin Mary which the medieval Church +lifted into the night, and floated above the boiling nationalities of +Europe. A Poppiea drawn by mules shod with gold, five hundred asses +kept to supply her with baths of milk for the softening of her skin-- +is the enemy--and disgrace of both sexes. The true type and glory of +the one sex, the admiration and salvation of the other, are displayed +in such an example as that of the last hours of Madame Roland, who, +riding in the death-cart to the guillotine, with an infirm and aged +man who was broken down with terror and grief, devoted herself with +heroic benevolence to comfort and sustain him. In order to spare him +the double agony of seeing her execution previous to his own, with a +sublime abnegation she refused the offered privilege of being the +first victim, soothed and supported the trembling old man, saw him +perish, then calmly bared her neck to the knife. + +In one of De Tocqueville's letters to the illustrious Madame +Swetchine occurs a passage marked by rare insight and weight. The +noble writer urges that the clergy, without teaching special +political doctrines, ought to instill into their hearers certain +grand sentiments and loyalties, such as the feeling that every man +belongs more to collective humanity than he does to himself. He then +adds this impressive testimony: "During my somewhat long experience +of public life, nothing has struck me more than the influence of +women in developing public spirit--an influence the greater because +indirect. I do not hesitate to say, that they give to every nation a +moral temperament, which is shown in its politics. A hundred times I +have seen weak men becoming of real political value, because they had +by their side women who supported them, not by advice as to +particulars, but by fortifying their feelings, and directing their +ambition. More frequently, I must confess, I have seen the domestic +influence gradually transforming a man, naturally noble and generous, +into a cowardly, commonplace, selfish office-seeker, thinking of +public affairs merely as a means of making himself comfortable; and +this, simply by daily contact with a well-conducted woman, a faithful +wife, an excellent mother, from whose mind the grand notion of public +duty was entirely absent." + +The hardening exposures, the gnawing jealousies, of overmuch +fashionable society, with its shallow and bitter emulations, do far +more to contract and sour the spirit of woman, to falsify and deprave +her heart, to belittle and spoil her mind, to degrade and veneer her +character, than any professional career can well be supposed to do. +It cannot be doubted, that many a woman, who displays herself, as +good as naked, in brilliant drawing-room assemblies, spends half her +existence in the frivolity of crowded dinners, suppers, and balls, is +more corrupted and bronzed than she could be by studying medicine, +theology, jurisprudence, or political economy, and taking a zealous +part in the affairs of her country. Let not the greater and nearer +evil be neglected in a prejudiced imagination of a lesser and remoter +one. Where do you find an exterior of politeness covering an interior +of indifference or guile? a flaming demonstrativeness in front of a +soul of ice? a beautiful show of nobleness and happiness, with a +haggard reality of weariness and woe underneath? In the glare and +fuss of society. And where do you find, purely shielded behind +manners all frost, a heart all celestial fire? under conditions of +unpretending simplicity, an experience ever fresh and serene, full of +joy and dignity, and endlessly progressive? In those who lead lives +of quiet sincerity and humility, consecrated to choice studies and +chosen friends. What sweet charm or commanding grandeur or satisfying +worth can be looked for in persons, the highest palpitations of whose +hearts are raised by the touches of pride, money, and vanity? More +patience, sincerity, studious seclusion, meditative consecration, and +steady sympathy are the foremost want of our age. + +The two arts of letter-writing and conversation, invaluable both as +instruments of pleasure and of culture, seem to be dying out before +the encroachment of innumerable trifles, absorbing amusements, +tyrannical egotisms, and that pernicious flood of ephemeral +literature, whose varieties are daily spawned upon all tables. The +long, careful letters, full of thought, full of true personal +interest and earnest general sentiment, so common two or three +generations ago, are all but unknown now. There is no time left for +them. + +Conversation, too, has become the ghost of what it was. Where are the +famous talkers now? Where are the circles in which conversation is +carried on as the loftiest and richest of the social arts? The +sustained comparison of views, interchange and discussion of +opinions, accumulation of knowledge, argument, wit, sympathy, on +themes of intense interest and solemn import, once so common in +cultivated society, where all listened while each successively spoke, +have given way before the telegraph, the newspaper, the pamphlet, the +book, the platform, the swift diffusion of all information and the +incessant hurry of everybody. Letter-writing is an indirect exchange +of thoughts. Conversation is a personal exchange of life. The obvious +decline of the former is a great loss; the notorious decline of the +latter is a greater loss. + +There is no way in which those women who are able to give the tone +and set the fashion in society, can do so much good as by endeavoring +to reinstate conversation, and to teach in every company the +nobleness of leisure and attention, that each one who speaks shall be +inspired to the fullest training of his best powers by the listening +expectation of the rest. No one can talk well amidst a rude jabber of +voices, or a perpetual succession of interruptions. Subtile thought, +sacred sentiment, eloquent emotion, and artistic speech, are coy: +they must have the encouragement of respectful audience. Conversation +becomes the crowning art and luxury of life, the most completely +satisfying of all employments, when groups of friends regularly meet, +under the rules of gracious breeding, with leisure, with confidence +in each other, with no jealous ambitions, no intolerant partisanship, +but with catholic purposes of improvement. Instead of such meetings +of choice friends, we now have mobs of people, drawn together by +every sort of factitious motive--crowds who crush each other's +dresses, desperately bow and smirk at each other; exchange +intolerable commonplaces, with unmeaning conventionality; affect to +listen to music, which no one can hear or would care for if he could +hear; mix all their buzzing voices in one oceanic roar; or, when +there is room, break up into whispering knots; then charge together +upon the supper-table, as if it were a fortress to be taken by storm, +and are unspeakably relieved when the assembly is over. As company is +held in fashionable society now, the talk is not tenaciously kept to +important themes, for ends of conviction, culture, light, or joy, but +is a hodge-podge of trifles, an incoherent succession of unconsidered +remarks. Each one speaks with his neighbor, regardless of all the +rest of the guests, as if it were an evil to be silent, or an +absurdity to expect that anybody could say any thing worth being +listened to by all. Some one has said, with much piquancy, "Lectures +are soliloquies reared on the ruins of conversation." Madame Mole +suggestively remarks, "At the Hotel Rambouillet conversation was the +all-sufficient amusement: we hear of neither cards nor music; for, +wizen the habit of changing all thoughts and sentiments into words +has become natural and easy, it offers so great a variety in itself +that society needs no other. That form of talk alone can be called +conversation in which what we really think and feel is called out, +and flows the quicker from the pleasure of seeing it excite thoughts +and feelings in others." + +Those who, now-a-days, have a reputation as good talkers are rather +declaimers, haranguers, orators, than conversers. True +conversationalists seem to be nearly obsolete; because our social +gatherings, whether in the drawing-room or at the table, do not +furnish the needed conditions. To shine as a talker, one must +override others by sheer vociferation and monopoly, treading his way +amidst insincere applause and general dislike, over the injured self- +love of every one present, to the throne of monologue. Such a +condition is equally incompatible with what is best in character, in +manners, and in personal communion. + +For the revival of conversation, an improvement of character is +necessary--a purification and deepening of the interior life. It grows +out of friendship and the fervor of noble interests. And to these the +fickleness and thinness of soul attendant on ignorance and +selfishness, as well as on miscellaneous dissipation, are fatal. + +For sparks electric only strike +On souls electrical alike; +The flash of intellect expires +Unless it meet congenial fires. + +There can be no deep and enduring union of human beings without +truthfullness, earnestness, aspiration. It is glorious for people to +meet who ascend to meet. For social conquests, as well as for private +content, the aggrandizement of individual character and experience is +the mightiest talisman. As with the increase of esteem and confidence +the spiritual veils are lifted, one by one, the person itself charms +because the soul is seen, and seen to be divine. Even in those +examples where beauty is the hook, grace is the bait, and virtue the +line, with which hearts are caught. When we see wisdom and goodness +the guests of another's eyes, love becomes the guest of our own. The +great evil of an excessive devotion to society and fashion is the +mechanical hollowness and insincerity it breeds--an evil as fatal to +happiness as it is to virtue. Economy of force is the governing +standard with those who are too constantly in contact with the world, +too much given to the spirit of crowded company and fashion. +Conscientious truthfullness, earnest discrimination, and a behavior +honestly adapted to the facts of feeling and duty, are too expensive, +would quickly drain to death the fop, the self-seeker, and the +coquette. Accordingly, indifference is the shield of polite society, +and affectation is the valve of artificial characters; but sincerity +of soul is the first charm of manners, and extent of sympathy is the +proper measure of happiness. The soul, dried and hardened by the heat +and wear of crowds, or exhausted by dissipation, measures its success +by how much it can exclude, how much it despises, how much it can +save; but the glory of youth, the joy of genius, the height and charm +of life, is the exuberance of the expenditure of force they can +afford. Their standard of success is how much their sympathies can +include, how much they can revere and love and serve. It is +littleness and misery to make a private hoard of the good of the +universe. The amount it lavishes measures the wealth of the rich and +happy soul. That will be a blessed day when we make our social +parties not for the purpose of ostentation or luxury, not to give +dinners or suppers in return for those to which we have been invited, +not to secure acquaintances who will aid in gratifying our external +ambition, but simply to enjoy the society of friends whom we honor +and love, to enhance our interior life by sincere spiritual +intercourse, the reflection of minds and hearts. Wherever human +beings meet, the bazaar of Fate stands open. + +Another duty, closely allied with the foregoing, and especially +incumbent on the finest and highest women, is to improve the common +standard of good manners. This is a region of influence of momentous +importance, and for which the most honored and beloved women have a +pre-eminent adaptation by their beauty, grace, docility, and +sympathetic ease of self-sacrifice. To associate with a quick-witted +woman is an education. The last words of Madame Pompadour, addressed +to her withdrawing confessor, just before her final breath, were, +"Wait a moment, father; and we will go out together." In a democratic +age and country like ours, many causes are at work to lower the +average standard of manners by generating universal self-assertion, +arrogance, and irreverence. As compared with the gracious type of +chivalric manners exhibited in the best specimens of three or four +centuries ago, it must be confessed that sweetness of dignity, +abundance of courtesy, gentleness, magnanimity, have suffered badly. +No gentle and lofty mind can turn from the reading of Digby's "Broad +Stone of Honor" to that of Thackeray's "Book of Snobs," without deep +pain. Here is a field of influence superlatively fitted for the +activity of women, and worthy of the aspirations of the most favored +and admirable representatives of the sex. Opinions may ascend; but +manners descend. + +The chief source of complacency to petty natures is in contemplating +the weaknesses of their superiors. Pride nourishes itself by gazing +on inferiors, and heightening the contrast. But the true habit of +virtue is to stoop graciously, to lift inferiors towards itself, and +to look reverentially on the merits of superiors, lifting itself with +aspiring docility towards them. + +Among the people of the present age, there is no need of teaching the +lessons of social scorn or envy; but there is need of teaching the +lessons of disinterested reverence and aspiration. It must therefore +be a profitable service to hold up for the contemplation and study of +women the examples of the noble sway, the delightful charm exerted by +such women as the grand Duchess Louise of Weimar, Madame Recamier, +Madame Swetchine, or the Duchess of Orleans. Each one of these +deserves the homage of being patterned after: + +For she was of that better clay +That treads not oft this earthly stage: +Such charmed spirits lose their way, +But once or twice into an age. + +They seemed to shed dignity, wisdom, virtue, repose, and bliss around +them wherever they moved, and to put all persons in their debt by the +boons unconsciously emitted from their being and their manners. We +cannot hold too constant or too worshipful communion with such +characters: it is equally a culture and an enjoyment. The secret of +their divine skill is not flattery, but deferential treatment. They +take for granted, that their friends have noble qualities and +admirable aims, and treat them accordingly, with a respectful +attention which heightens the self-respect of its recipients. Neglect +is insolent, and contempt is injurious. He who suffers them is hurt +and lowered. One blessed magic there is, as guileless as it is +supreme. This charm, this witchcraft, is a sincere and honoring +attention. + +Woman can more keenly than man "taste the pure enjoyment that results +from the mere growth and exercise of good feelings." Who so well as +she knows how much more true pleasure there is in one peaceful moment +of modest goodness than in all the excitement that waits on the gaudy +game of ambition? She is never so happy, as when doing most and +asking least. + +The Duchess de Duras wrote to a friend, "Madame de Montcalm has been +sick: she is eaten up by politics: they are her vulture." To man, +genius is an instrument, which he must use to achieve triumphs: to +woman, it is a load, which she must transmute into blessings. Thus +far in human history, it has been much easier for the most gifted of +our race to be unhappy than to be happy; because happiness is an +equilibrium of inner powers and outer conditions, and the most +extraordinary gifts are surest to destroy or prevent that adjustment. +The divine remedy is self-sacrifice, self-detachment, and the +attuning of the soul by the laws of the ideal world, the perfect +state of society. + +Poor and feeble souls exact most from the world. Rich and soaring +souls have a self-sufficing modesty, which, in its own exuberance, +asks but little from others. The lark, when, at sunrise, she rises, +singing, above our sight, shows that it was not from lack of power to +climb, that she made the humble choice to build her nest in the +grass. Here lies the most elect office of woman--to attract and train +men to the sober and blissful ends of wisdom and love, and withdraw +their passions from the wretched ends of folly, on which so many +waste their lives, in ploughing the air, sowing the sea, and trying +to catch the wind with a net. The redemption of the worst men will be +effected when they make voluntary acquisition of what the best women +possess by instinct, and spontaneously exhibit; namely, that +disinterested love of goodness, which is willing to give all and ask +nothing. Happy is he, and he alone safely happy, who gives affection +to his fellows, as the sun gives light to the creation. It receives +not directly back from single objects what it gives them; but, from +the whole, all that it radiates is returned. It is so with the good +man and his race. Persons may not return the reverence and love he +lavishes, but humanity will. For what is his total feeling towards +the collective individuals that constitute his race, except the +glorified reverberation from humanity, back into his experience, of +what his own soul has sent forth? + +The call of woman, in this age, then, is not to be a brawling +politician, clamoring for her share in the authorities and honors of +the world, launching jokes, sarcasms, and sneers to the right and the +left. Clearly, her genuine work, beyond the family circle, is to set +an example of modest devotion to personal improvement and the social +weal. Sir Philip Sidney describes a horseman who "stirred the bridle +so gently, that it did rather distil virtue than use violence." That +is, in some sense, a type of the proper power of woman. It is her +heavenly mission to influence by yielding, rule by obeying, conquer +by surrender, and put the crowning grace of joy and glory on her sex +by ministering to the hurts and wants of humanity. Kindled by her +example, and compensated by her smile, man will aspire to complete +his highest destiny. Her destiny will be fulfilled with his, and in +it; his in hers, and with it. They cannot be really separated; since +woman as the inspirer and rewarder of man, in the most intense action +at the top of society, moulds him by her ideal of him reflected in +his imagination. Womanhood is by no means to be personified in the +exclusive aspect of a nurse; but as artist, teacher, law-giver, +queen, as well. The just personification of womanhood must include +the total aspects and offices of humanity. She has as good a claim as +man to them all. But let no hasty advocate insist on adding to the +totality of true and permanent features in that personification, any +of those vicious, accidental, and temporary features incident to the +imperfect stages through which humanity has been passing, and is +still passing, in its progressive evolution. + +There is one respect, not often thought of, in which the various +ethnic pantheons, from those of the rawest barbarism to those of the +most intellectual civilization, possess deep interest and +instructiveness. Their leading personages, gods and goddesses, reveal +to us the chief types of human character from which they were +created. The heavens and hells of mythology are the higher and lower +reflections, or upward and downward echoes, of the earth; and the +supernatural beings who people them are idealizations of men and +women, more or less richly draped with attributes suggested by the +phenomena of the universe. The groups of feminine figures furnished +by mythology, therefore, afford a most striking exhibition of the +typical groups of women which must have been known in the +mythological ages of the world. Conceived in this way, with what +thoughtfullness we should contemplate the Graces, the Muses, the +Furies, the Fates, Nemesis, Vesta, Fortuna, Diana, Eris, Ceres, the +majestic port of Juno, the frosty splendor of Minerva, the melting +charm of Venus, the snaky horror of Medusa, Egvptian Isis, throned +among the stars, and Scandinavian Hela, crouching in her grisly +house! + +It is a characteristic of satirists, in every age, that they class +women together, as if they were all alike. Every fair view of the +subject shows how false such a conclusion is. There is more +freshness, subtilty, spontaneity, variety, in womanly characters than +in manly. Their range, between the extremes of the demure and the +hoydenish, is greater. The feminine types, Helen and Penelope, or +Clytemnestra and Antigone, are as distinct as the masculine types, +Agamemnon and Ulysses, or OEdipus and Philoctetes. The injustice of +the vulgar saying, "It is just like a woman," implying that there are +no differences among women, makes one indignant. Have we not seen +women to whom death seems an indignity--looking, in every feature and +glance, as immortal as Pallas Athene? And have we not seen women +whose hideous shape and fiendish spirit suggested an alliance with +antediluvian monsters? Is there not a Volumnia, as chaste as that +star seen in winter dawns shivering on the cold forehead of the +morning? And is there not a Messalina, who would receive embraces in +a bath of blood? Is there not a Fulvia, who takes the head of the +murdered Cicero in her hands, and tears his dumb tongue with her +bodkin? And are there not a Saint Elizabeth and a Lady Godiva, +capable of supernal deeds of self-denial and heroism for the sake of +blessing the poor? The personality of any one of the best +representatives of womanhood is as vivid and delicate as though +moulded from a sensitive leaf instead of clay; yet of such strength +as to be rich in frankness and courage, and sublime in patience. In +fact, the distinction of woman is as much greater than that of men +psychologically as it is physiologically. But her choicest vocation +must always lie in the domestic range of the personal relations, and +throughout the heights and depths of the spiritual life. Let her +become there all that the capacities of human nature prophesy, and +man will rapidly be perfected everywhere else. + +The number of claimants contending for the prizes of society +increases. The facility of a shallow and momentary success become +greater; but the difficulty and rareness of a substantial and +enduring triumph grow in a higher ratio. The arena is crowded; the +battle is vulgar; the sufferings of the contestants are extreme; the +rewards sought are uncertain and disappointing. How quickly, in our +day, notoriety ends; and what a poor cheat it is! The passionate +aspirant for fame, as described so finely by Michelet, stands beside +the unknown sea of futurity, picks up a shell, lifts it to his ear, +and listens to a slight noise, in which he fancies he hears the +murmur of his own name! For solid dignity or pure contentment, no +life can compare with the one devoted to intrinsic personal ends, the +achievement of knowledge, harmony, and piety. Not the warrior, +Ambition, not the giant, Legislation, but the little child, Love, is +to lead in the golden age. She is the best woman who does most to +hasten the inauguration of that divine Child. + +Thoughtful observers agree, that the most ominous characteristic of +the present age is, its complication of interests, its doubts, its +weariness, its frittering multiplicity of indulgences, cares, and +obligations. The best individual remedy for this evil is friendship. +Affectionate communion with a trusted and confiding friend, more than +any other experience, appeases the misgivings of conscience, +satisfies the vague searches of the mind, and gives peace to the +eternal cravings of our gregarious nature. + +If ever the cry of the horse-leech shall cease to be the painful +language of the heart, it will be when, the longings of the heart no +longer baffled by the vacancies or the irritating rivalries of a +vapid and jealous society, all human beings developed enough to need, +and noble enough to deserve, shall also be fortunate enough to +possess, true friends with whom they may commune in unity of spirit +and mirrored doubleness of life. Gratified affection is the true +fruition of a spiritual existence. To hope and fear in the being of +another first gives us the fulfilled consciousness of our own. + +CAMBRIDGE: PRESS OF JOHN WILSON AND SON. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Friendships of Women, by +William Rounseville Alger + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FRIENDSHIPS OF WOMEN *** + +***** This file should be named 19199.txt or 19199.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/9/1/9/19199/ + +Produced by Edmund Dejowski + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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