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diff --git a/old/bdfrc10.txt b/old/bdfrc10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e62d7b0 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/bdfrc10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2312 @@ +Project Gutenberg Etext The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by Thackeray +#11 in our series by William Makepeace Thackeray + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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Shows how the plot began to thicken in or about Bedford Row. + +III. Behind the scenes. + + +Footnote: + +A story of Charles de Bernard furnished the plot of +"The Bedford-Row Conspiracy." + + + + +THE BEDFORD-ROW CONSPIRACY + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + + +OF THE LOVES OF MR. PERKINS AND MISS GORGON, AND OF THE TWO GREAT +FACTIONS IN THE TOWN OF OLDBOROUGH. + +"My dear John," cried Lucy, with a very wise look indeed, "it must +and shall be so. As for Doughty Street, with our means, a house is +out of the question. We must keep three servants, and Aunt Biggs +says the taxes are one-and-twenty pounds a year." + +"I have seen a sweet place at Chelsea," remarked John: "Paradise +Row, No. 17,--garden--greenhouse--fifty pounds a year--omnibus to +town within a mile." + +"What! that I may be left alone all day, and you spend a fortune in +driving backward and forward in those horrid breakneck cabs? My +darling, I should die there--die of fright, I know I should. Did +you not say yourself that the road was not as yet lighted, and that +the place swarmed with public-houses and dreadful tipsy Irish +bricklayers? Would you kill me, John?" + +"My da-arling," said John, with tremendous fondness, clutching Miss +Lucy suddenly round the waist, and rapping the hand of that young +person violently against his waistcoat,--"My da-arling, don't say +such things, even in a joke. If I objected to the chambers, it is +only because you, my love, with your birth and connections, ought to +have a house of your own. The chambers are quite large enough and +certainly quite good enough for me." And so, after some more sweet +parley on the part of these young people, it was agreed that they +should take up their abode, when married, in a part of the House +number One hundred and something, Bedford Row. + +It will be necessary to explain to the reader that John was no other +than John Perkins, Esquire, of the Middle Temple, barrister-at-law, +and that Miss Lucy was the daughter of the late Captain Gorgon, and +Marianne Biggs, his wife. The Captain being of noble connections, +younger son of a baronet, cousin to Lord X----, and related to the +Y---- family, had angered all his relatives by marrying a very silly +pretty young woman, who kept a ladies'-school at Canterbury. She +had six hundred pounds to her fortune, which the Captain laid out in +the purchase of a sweet travelling-carriage and dressing-case for +himself; and going abroad with his lady, spent several years in the +principal prisons of Europe, in one of which he died. His wife and +daughter were meantime supported by the contributions of Mrs. Jemima +Biggs, who still kept the ladies'-school. + +At last a dear old relative--such a one as one reads of in +romances--died and left seven thousand pounds apiece to the two +sisters, whereupon the elder gave up schooling and retired to +London; and the younger managed to live with some comfort and +decency at Brussels, upon two hundred and ten pounds per annum. +Mrs. Gorgon never touched a shilling of her capital, for the very +good reason that it was placed entirely out of her reach; so that +when she died, her daughter found herself in possession of a sum of +money that is not always to be met with in this world. + +Her aunt the baronet's lady, and her aunt the ex-schoolmistress, +both wrote very pressing invitations to her, and she resided with +each for six months after her arrival in England. Now, for a second +time, she had come to Mrs. Biggs, Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh +Square. It was under the roof of that respectable old lady that +John Perkins, Esquire, being invited to take tea, wooed and won Miss +Gorgon. + +Having thus described the circumstances of Miss Gorgon's life, let +us pass for a moment from that young lady, and lift up the veil of +mystery which envelopes the deeds and character of Perkins. + +Perkins, too, was an orphan; and he and his Lucy, of summer +evenings, when Sol descending lingered fondly yet about the minarets +of the Foundling, and gilded the grassplots of Mecklenburgh +Square--Perkins, I say, and Lucy would often sit together in the +summer-house of that pleasure-ground, and muse upon the strange +coincidences of their life. Lucy was motherless and fatherless; so +too was Perkins. If Perkins was brotherless and sisterless, was not +Lucy likewise an only child? Perkins was twenty-three: his age and +Lucy's united, amounted to forty-six; and it was to be remarked, as +a fact still more extraordinary, that while Lucy's relatives were +AUNTS, John's were UNCLES. Mysterious spirit of love! let us treat +thee with respect and whisper not too many of thy secrets. The fact +is, John and Lucy were a pair of fools (as every young couple OUGHT +to be who have hearts that are worth a farthing), and were ready to +find coincidences, sympathies, hidden gushes of feeling, mystic +unions of the soul, and what not, in every single circumstance that +occurred from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, and +in the intervals. Bedford Row, where Perkins lived, is not very far +from Mecklenburgh Square; and John used to say that he felt a +comfort that his house and Lucy's were served by the same +muffin-man. + +Further comment is needless. A more honest, simple, clever, +warm-hearted, soft, whimsical, romantical, high-spirited young +fellow than John Perkins did not exist. When his father, Doctor +Perkins, died, this, his only son, was placed under the care of John +Perkins, Esquire, of the house of Perkins, Scully, and Perkins, +those celebrated attorneys in the trading town of Oldborough, which +the second partner, William Pitt Scully, Esquire, represented in +Parliament and in London. + +All John's fortune was the house in Bedford Row, which, at his +father's death, was let out into chambers, and brought in a clear +hundred a year. Under his uncle's roof at Oldborough, where he +lived with thirteen red-haired male and female cousins, he was only +charged fifty pounds for board, clothes, and pocket-money, and the +remainder of his rents was carefully put by for him until his +majority. When he approached that period--when he came to belong to +two spouting-clubs at Oldborough, among the young merchants and +lawyers'-clerks--to blow the flute nicely, and play a good game at +billiards--to have written one or two smart things in the Oldborough +Sentinel--to be fond of smoking (in which act he was discovered by +his fainting aunt at three o'clock one morning)--in one word, when +John Perkins arrived at manhood, he discovered that he was quite +unfit to be an attorney, that he detested all the ways of his +uncle's stern, dull, vulgar, regular, red-headed family, and he +vowed that he would go to London and make his fortune. Thither he +went, his aunt and cousins, who were all "serious," vowing that he +was a lost boy; and when his history opens, John had been two years +in the metropolis, inhabiting his own garrets; and a very nice +compact set of apartments, looking into the back-garden, at this +moment falling vacant, the prudent Lucy Gorgon had visited them, and +vowed that she and her John should there commence housekeeping. + +All these explanations are tedious, but necessary; and furthermore, +it must be said, that as John's uncle's partner was the Liberal +member for Oldborough, so Lucy's uncle was its Ministerial +representative. + +This gentleman, the brother of the deceased Captain Gorgon, lived at +the paternal mansion of Gorgon Castle, and rejoiced in the name and +title of Sir George Grimsby Gorgon. + +He, too, like his younger brother, had married a lady beneath his +own rank in life; having espoused the daughter and heiress of Mr. +Hicks, the great brewer at Oldborough, who held numerous mortgages +on the Gorgon property, all of which he yielded up, together with +his daughter Juliana, to the care of the baronet. + +What Lady Gorgon was in character, this history will show. In +person, if she may be compared to any vulgar animal, one of her +father's heavy, healthy, broad-flanked, Roman-nosed white +dray-horses might, to the poetic mind, appear to resemble her. At +twenty she was a splendid creature, and though not at her full +growth, yet remarkable for strength and sinew; at forty-five she was +as fine a woman as any in His Majesty's dominions. Five feet seven +in height, thirteen stone, her own teeth and hair, she looked as if +she were the mother of a regiment of Grenadier Guards. She had +three daughters of her own size, and at length, ten years after the +birth of the last of the young ladies, a son--one son--George +Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon, the godson of a royal duke, whose +steady officer in waiting Sir George had been for many years. + +It is needless to say, after entering so largely into a description +of Lady Gorgon, that her husband was a little shrivelled wizen-faced +creature, eight inches shorter than her Ladyship. This is the way +of the world, as every single reader of this book must have +remarked; for frolic love delights to join giants and pigmies of +different sexes in the bonds of matrimony. When you saw her +Ladyship in flame-coloured satin and gorgeous toque and feathers, +entering the drawing-room, as footmen along the stairs shouted +melodiously, "Sir George and Lady Gorgon," you beheld in her company +a small withered old gentleman, with powder and large royal +household buttons, who tripped at her elbow as a little weak-legged +colt does at the side of a stout mare. + +The little General had been present at about a hundred and twenty +pitched battles on Hounslow Heath and Wormwood Scrubs, but had never +drawn his sword against an enemy. As might be expected, therefore, +his talk and tenue were outrageously military. He had the whole +Army List by heart--that is, as far as the field-officers: all +below them he scorned. A bugle at Gorgon Castle always sounded at +breakfast, and dinner: a gun announced sunset. He clung to his +pigtail for many years after the army had forsaken that ornament, +and could never be brought to think much of the Peninsular men for +giving it up. When he spoke of the Duke, he used to call him "MY +LORD WELLINGTON--I RECOLLECT HIM AS CAPTAIN WELLESLEY." He swore +fearfully in conversation, was most regular at church, and regularly +read to his family and domestics the morning and evening prayer; he +bullied his daughters, seemed to bully his wife, who led him whither +she chose; gave grand entertainments, and never asked a friend by +chance; had splendid liveries, and starved his people; and was as +dull, stingy, pompous, insolent, cringing, ill-tempered a little +creature as ever was known. + +With such qualities you may fancy that he was generally admired in +society and by his country. So he was: and I never knew a man so +endowed whose way through life was not safe--who had fewer pangs of +conscience--more positive enjoyments--more respect shown to +him--more favours granted to him, than such a one as my friend the +General. + +Her Ladyship was just suited to him, and they did in reality admire +each other hugely. Previously to her marriage with the baronet, +many love-passages had passed between her and William Pitt Scully, +Esquire, the attorney; and there was especially one story, a propos +of certain syllabubs and Sally-Lunn cakes, which seemed to show that +matters had gone very far. Be this as it may, no sooner did the +General (Major Gorgon he was then) cast an eye on her, than Scully's +five years' fabric of love was instantly dashed to the ground. She +cut him pitilessly, cut Sally Scully, his sister, her dearest friend +and confidante, and bestowed her big person upon the little +aide-de-camp at the end of a fortnight's wooing. In the course of +time their mutual fathers died; the Gorgon estates were +unencumbered: patron of both the seats in the borough of +Oldborough, and occupant of one, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, Baronet, +was a personage of no small importance. + +He was, it scarcely need to be said, a Tory; and this was the reason +why William Pitt Scully, Esquire, of the firm of Perkins and Scully, +deserted those principles in which he had been bred and christened; +deserted that church which he had frequented, for he could not bear +to see Sir George and my Lady flaunting in their grand +pew;--deserted, I say, the church, adopted the conventicle, and +became one of the most zealous and eloquent supporters that Freedom +has known in our time. Scully, of the house of Scully and Perkins, +was a dangerous enemy. In five years from that marriage, which +snatched from the jilted solicitor his heart's young affections, Sir +George Gorgon found that he must actually spend seven hundred pounds +to keep his two seats. At the next election, a Liberal was set up +against his man, and actually ran him hard; and finally, at the end +of eighteen years, the rejected Scully--the mean attorney--was +actually the FIRST Member for Oldborough, Sir George Grimsby Gorgon, +Baronet, being only the second! + +The agony of that day cannot be imagined--the dreadful curses of Sir +George, who saw fifteen hundred a year robbed from under his very +nose--the religious resignation of my Lady--the hideous +window-smashing that took place at the "Gorgon Arms," and the +discomfiture of the pelted Mayor and Corporation. The very next +Sunday, Scully was reconciled to the church (or attended it in the +morning, and the meeting twice in the afternoon), and as Doctor +Snorter uttered the prayer for the High Court of Parliament, his +eye, the eye of his whole party--turned towards Lady Gorgon and Sir +George in a most unholy triumph. Sir George (who always stood +during prayers, like a military man) fairly sank down among the +hassocks, and Lady Gorgon was heard to sob as audibly as ever did +little beadle-belaboured urchin. + +Scully, when at Oldborough, came from that day forth to church. +"What," said he, "was it to him? were we not all brethren?" Old +Perkins, however, kept religiously to the Squaretoes congregation. +In fact, to tell the truth, this subject had been debated between +the partners, who saw the advantage of courting both the +Establishment and the Dissenters--a manoeuvre which, I need not say, +is repeated in almost every country town in England, where a +solicitor's house has this kind of power and connection. + +Three months after this election came the races at Oldborough, and +the race-ball. Gorgon was so infuriated by his defeat, that he gave +"the Gorgon cup and cover," a matter of fifteen pounds. Scully, +"although anxious," as he wrote from town, "anxious beyond measure +to preserve the breed of horses for which our beloved country has +ever been famous, could attend no such sports as these, which but +too often degenerated into vice." It was voted a shabby excuse. +Lady Gorgon was radiant in her barouche and four, and gladly became +the patroness of the ball that was to ensue; and which all the +gentry and townspeople, Tory and Whig, were in the custom of +attending. The ball took place on the last day of the races. On +that day, the walls of the market-house, the principal public +buildings, and the "Gorgon Arms Hotel" itself, were plastered with +the following:-- + +"Letter from our distinguished representative, William P. Scully, +Esquire, etc., etc. + + "HOUSE OF COMMONS: June 1, 18--. + +"MY DEAR HEELTAP,--You know my opinion about horseracing, and though +I blame neither you nor any brother Englishman who enjoys that manly +sport, you will, I am sure, appreciate the conscientious motives +which induce me not to appear among my friends and constituents on +the festival of the 3rd, 4th, and 5th instant. If _I_, however, +cannot allow my name to appear among your list of stewards, ONE at +least of the representatives of Oldborough has no such scruples. +Sir George Gorgon is among you: and though I differ from that +honourable Baronet on more than ONE VITAL POINT, I am glad to think +that he is with you. A gentleman, a soldier, a man of property in +the county, how can he be better employed than in forwarding the +county's amusements, and in forwarding the happiness of all? + +"Had I no such scruples as those to which I have just alluded, I +must still have refrained from coming among you. Your great +Oldborough common-drainage and inclosure bill comes on to-morrow, +and I shall be AT MY POST. I am sure, if Sir George Gorgon were +here, he and I should on this occasion vote side by side, and that +party strife would be forgotten in the object of our common +interest--OUR DEAR NATIVE TOWN. + +"There is, however, another occasion at hand, in which I shall be +proud to meet him. Your ball is on the night of the 6th. Party +forgotten--brotherly union--innocent mirth--beauty, OUR DEAR TOWN'S +BEAUTY, our daughters in the joy of their expanding loveliness, our +matrons in the exquisite contemplation of their children's bliss-- +can you, can I, can Whig or Tory, can any Briton be indifferent to a +scene like this, or refuse to join in this heart-stirring festival? +If there BE such let them pardon me--I, for one, my dear Heeltap, +will be among you on Friday night--ay, and hereby invite all pretty +Tory Misses, who are in want of a partner. + +"I am here in the very midst of good things, you know, and we old +folks like A SUPPER after a dance. Please to accept a brace of +bucks and a turtle, which come herewith. My worthy colleague, who +was so liberal last year of his soup to the poor, will not, I trust, +refuse to taste a little of Alderman Birch's--'tis offered on my +part with hearty goodwill. Hey for the 6th, and vive la joie! + + "Ever, my dear Heeltap, your faithful + + "W. PITT SCULLY. + +"P.S.--Of course this letter is STRICTLY PRIVATE. Say that the +venison, etc. came from a WELL-WISHER TO OLDBOROUGH." + +This amazing letter was published, in defiance of Mr. Scully's +injunctions, by the enthusiastic Heeltap, who said, bluntly, in a +preface, "that he saw no reason why Mr. Scully should be ashamed of +his action, and he, for his part, was glad to let all friends at +Oldborough know of it." + +The allusion about the Gorgon soup was killing: thirteen paupers in +Oldborough had, it was confidently asserted, died of it. Lady +Gorgon, on the reading of this letter, was struck completely dumb; +Sir George Gorgon was wild. Ten dozen of champagne was he obliged +to send down to the "Gorgon Arms," to be added to the festival. He +would have stayed away if he could, but he dared not. + +At nine o'clock, he in general's uniform; his wife in blue satin and +diamonds; his daughters in blue crape and white roses; his niece, +Lucy Gorgon, in white muslin; his son, George Augustus Frederick +Grimsby Gorgon, in a blue velvet jacket, sugar-loaf buttons, and +nankeens, entered the north door of the ballroom, to much cheering, +and the sound of "God save the King!" + +At that very same moment, and from the south door, issued William +Pitt Scully, Esquire, M.P., and his staff. Mr. Scully had a +brand-new blue coat and brass buttons, buff waistcoat, white +kerseymere tights, pumps with large rosettes, and pink silk +stockings. + +"This wool," said he to a friend, "was grown on Oldborough sheep, +this cloth was spun in Oldborough looms, these buttons were cast in +an Oldborough manufactory, these shoes were made by an Oldborough +tradesman, this HEART first beat in Oldborough town, and pray Heaven +may be buried there!" + +Could anything resist a man like this? John Perkins, who had come +down as one of Scully's aides-de-camp, in a fit of generous +enthusiasm, leaped on a whist-table, flung up a pocket-handkerchief, +and shrieked--"SCULLY FOR EVER!" + +Heeltap, who was generally drunk, fairly burst into tears, and the +grave tradesmen and Whig gentry, who had dined with the Member at +his inn, and accompanied him thence to the "Gorgon Arms," lifted +their deep voices and shouted "Hear!" "Good!" "Bravo!" "Noble!" +"Scully for ever!" "God bless him!" and "Hurrah!" + +The scene was tumultuously affecting; and when young Perkins sprang +down from the table and came blushing up to the Member, that +gentleman said, "Thank you, Jack! THANK you, my boy! THANK you," +in a way which made Perkins think that his supreme cup of bliss was +quaffed; that he had but to die: for that life had no other such +joy in store for him. Scully was Perkins's Napoleon--he yielded +himself up to the attorney, body and soul. + +Whilst this scene was going on under one chandelier of the ballroom, +beneath the other scarlet little General Gorgon, sumptuous Lady +Gorgon, the daughters and niece Gorgons, were standing surrounded by +their Tory court, who affected to sneer and titter at the Whig +demonstrations which were taking place. + +"What a howwid thmell of whithkey!" lisped Cornet Fitch, of the +Dragoons, to Miss Lucy, confidentially. "And thethe are what they +call Whigth, are they? He! he!" + +"They are drunk, ----- me,--drunk, by -----!" said the General to +the Mayor. + +"WHICH is Scully?" said Lady Gorgon, lifting her glass gravely (she +was at that very moment thinking of the syllabubs). "Is it that +tipsy man in the green coat, or that vulgar creature in the blue +one?" + +"Law, my Lady," said the Mayoress, "have you forgotten him? Why, +that's him in blue and buff." + +"And a monthous fine man, too," said Cornet Fitch. "I wish we had +him in our twoop--he'th thix feet thwee, if he'th an inch; ain't he, +Genewal?" + +No reply. + +"And heavens! Mamma," shrieked the three Gorgons in a breath, "see, +one creature is on the whist-table. Oh, the wretch! + +"I'm sure he's very good-looking," said Lucy, simply. + +Lady Gorgon darted at her an angry look, and was about to say +something very contemptuous, when, at that instant, John Perkins's +shout taking effect, Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby +Gorgon, not knowing better, incontinently raised a small shout on +his side. + +"Hear! good! bravo!" exclaimed he; "Scully for ever! Hurra-a-a-ay!" +and fell skipping about like the Whigs opposite. + +"Silence, you brute you!" groaned Lady Gorgon; and seizing him by +the shirt-frill and coat-collar, carried him away to his nurse, who, +with many other maids of the Whig and Tory parties, stood giggling +and peeping at the landing-place. + +Fancy how all these small incidents augmented the heap of Lady +Gorgon's anger and injuries! She was a dull phlegmatic woman for +the most part, and contented herself generally with merely despising +her neighbours; but oh! what a fine active hatred raged in her bosom +for victorious Scully! At this moment Mr. Perkins had finished +shaking hands with his Napoleon--Napoleon seemed bent upon some +tremendous enterprise. He was looking at Lady Gorgon very hard. + +"She's a fine woman," said Scully, thoughtfully; he was still +holding the hand of Perkins. And then, after a pause, "Gad! I think +I'll try." + +"Try what, sir?" + +"She's a DEUCED fine woman!" burst out again the tender solicitor. +"I WILL go. Springer, tell the fiddlers to strike up." + +Springer scuttled across the room, and gave the leader of the band a +knowing nod. Suddenly, "God save the King" ceased, and "Sir Roger +de Coverley" began. The rival forces eyed each other; Mr. Scully, +accompanied by his friend, came forward, looking very red, and +fumbling two large kid gloves. + +"HE'S GOING TO ASK ME TO DANCE," hissed out Lady Gorgon, with a +dreadful intuition, and she drew back behind her lord. + +"D--- it, madam, THEN DANCE with him!" said the General. "Don't you +see that the scoundrel is carrying it all his own way! ----- him! +and ----- him! and ----- him!" (All of which dashes the reader may +fill up with oaths of such strength as may be requisite). + +"General!" cried Lady Gorgon, but could say no more. Scully was +before her. + +"Madam!" exclaimed the Liberal Member for Oldborough, "in a moment +like this--I say--that is--that on the present occasion--your +Ladyship--unaccustomed as I am--pooh, psha--WILL your Ladyship give +me the distinguished honour and pleasure of going down the +country-dance with your Ladyship?" + +An immense heave of her Ladyship's ample chest was perceptible. +Yards of blond lace, which might be compared to a foam of the sea, +were agitated at the same moment, and by the same mighty emotion. +The river of diamonds which flowed round her Ladyship's neck, seemed +to swell and to shine more than ever. The tall plumes on her +ambrosial head bowed down beneath the storm. In other words, Lady +Gorgon, in a furious rage, which she was compelled to restrain, +trembled, drew up, and bowing majestically, said,-- + +"Sir, I shall have much pleasure." With this, she extended her +hand. Scully, trembling, thrust forward one of his huge kid-gloves, +and led her to the head of the country-dance. John Perkins--who I +presume had been drinking pretty freely, so as to have forgotten his +ordinary bashfulness--looked at the three Gorgons in blue, then at +the pretty smiling one in white, and stepping up to her, without the +smallest hesitation, asked her if she would dance with him. + +The young lady smilingly agreed. The great example of Scully and +Lady Gorgon was followed by all dancing men and women. Political +enmities were forgotten. Whig voters invited Tory voters' wives to +the dance. The daughters of Reform accepted the hands of the sons +of Conservatism. The reconciliation of the Romans and Sabines was +not more touching than this sweet fusion. Whack--whack! Springer +clapped his hands; and the fiddlers adroitly obeying the cheerful +signal, began playing "Sir Roger de Coverley" louder than ever. + +I do not know by what extraordinary charm (nescio qua praeter +solitum, etc.), but young Perkins, who all his life had hated +country-dances, was delighted with this one, and skipped and +laughed, poussetting, crossing, down-the-middling, with his merry +little partner, till every one of the bettermost sort of the +thirty-nine couples had dropped panting away, and till the youngest +Miss Gorgon, coming up to his partner, said in a loud hissing +scornful whisper, "Lucy, Mamma thinks you have danced quite enough +with this--this person." And Lucy, blushing, starting back, and +looking at Perkins in a very melancholy way, made him a little +curtsey, and went off to the Gorgonian party with her cousin. +Perkins was too frightened to lead her back to her place--too +frightened at first, and then too angry. "Person!" said he: his +soul swelled with a desperate republicanism: he went back to his +patron more of a Radical than ever. + +He found that gentleman in the solitary tea-room, pacing up and down +before the observant landlady and handmaidens of the "Gorgon Arms," +wiping his brows, gnawing his fingers--his ears looming over his +stiff white shirt-collar as red as fire. Once more the great man +seized John Perkins's hand as the latter came up. + +"D----- the aristocrats!" roared the ex-follower of Squaretoes. + +"And so say I! but what's the matter, sir?" + +"What's the matter?--Why, that woman--that infernal, haughty, +straitlaced, cold-blooded brewer's daughter! I loved that woman, +sir--I KISSED that woman, sir, twenty years ago: we were all but +engaged, sir: we've walked for hours and hours, sir--us and the +governess--I've got a lock of her hair, sir, among my papers now; +and to-night, would you believe it?--as soon as she got to the +bottom of the set, away she went--not one word would she speak to me +all the way down: and when I wanted to lead her to her place, and +asked her if she would have a glass of negus, 'Sir,' says she, 'I +have done my duty; I bear no malice: but I consider you a traitor +to Sir George Gorgon's family--a traitor and an upstart! I consider +your speaking to me as a piece of insolent vulgarity, and beg you +will leave me to myself!' There's her speech, sir. Twenty people +heard it, and all of her Tory set too. I'll tell you what, Jack: +at the next election I'll put YOU up. Oh that woman! that woman!- +-and to think that I love her still!" Here Mr. Scully paused, and +fiercely consoled himself by swallowing three cups of Mrs. Rincer's +green tea. + +The fact is, that Lady Gorgon's passion had completely got the +better of her reason. Her Ladyship was naturally cold, and +artificially extremely squeamish; and when this great red-faced +enemy of hers looked tenderly at her through his red little eyes, +and squeezed her hand and attempted to renew old acquaintance, she +felt such an intolerable disgust at his triumph, at his familiarity, +and at the remembrance of her own former liking for him, that she +gave utterance to the speech above correctly reported. The Tories +were delighted with her spirit, and Cornet Fitch, with much glee, +told the story to the General; but that officer, who was at whist +with some of his friends, flung down his cards, and coming up to his +lady, said briefly,-- + +"Madam, you are a fool!" + +"I will NOT stay here to be bearded by that disgusting man!--Mr. +Fitch, call my people.--Henrietta, bring Miss Lucy from that +linendraper with whom she is dancing. I will not stay, General, +once for all." + +Henrietta ran--she hated her cousin: Cornet Fitch was departing. +"Stop, Fitch," said Sir George, seizing him by the arm. "You are a +fool, Lady Gorgon," said he, "and I repeat it--a ----- fool! This +fellow Scully is carrying all before him: he has talked with +everybody, laughed with everybody--and you, with your infernal +airs--a brewer's daughter, by -----, must sit like a queen and not +speak to a soul! You've lost me one seat of my borough, with your +infernal pride--fifteen hundred a year, by Jove!--and you think you +will bully me out of another. No, madam, you SHALL stay, and stay +supper too;--and the girls shall dance with every cursed +chimney-sweep and butcher in the room: they shall--confound me!" + +Her Ladyship saw that it was necessary to submit; and Mr. Springer, +the master of the ceremonies, was called, and requested to point out +some eligible partners for the young ladies. One went off with a +Whig auctioneer; another figured in a quadrille with a very Liberal +apothecary; and the third, Miss Henrietta, remained. + +"Hallo you, sir!" roared the little General to John Perkins, who was +passing by. John turned round and faced him. + +"You were dancing with my niece just now--show us your skill now, +and dance with one of my daughters. Stand up, Miss Henrietta +Gorgon--Mr. What's-your-name?" + +"My name," said John, with marked and majestic emphasis, "is +PERKINS." And he looked towards Lucy, who dared not look again. + +"Miss Gorgon--Mr. Perkins. There, now go and dance." + +"Mr. Perkins regrets, madam," said John, making a bow to Miss +Henrietta, "that he is not able to dance this evening. I am this +moment obliged to look to the supper; but you will find, no doubt, +some other PERSON who will have much pleasure." + +"Go to -----, sir!" screamed the General, starting up, and shaking +his cane. + +"Calm yourself, dearest George," said Lady Gorgon, clinging fondly +to him. Fitch twiddled his moustaches. Miss Henrietta Gorgon +stared with open mouth. The silks of the surrounding dowagers +rustled--the countenances of all looked grave. + +"I will follow you, sir, wherever you please; and you may hear of me +whenever you like," said Mr. Perkins, bowing and retiring. He heard +little Lucy sobbing in a corner. He was lost at once--lost in love; +he felt as if he could combat fifty generals! he never was so happy +in his life. + +The supper came; but as that meal cost five shillings a head, +General Gorgon dismissed the four spinsters of his family homewards +in the carriage, and so saved himself a pound. This added to Jack +Perkins's wrath; he had hoped to have seen Miss Lucy once more. He +was a steward, and, in the General's teeth, would have done his +duty. He was thinking how he would have helped her to the most +delicate chicken-wings and blancmanges, how he WOULD have made her +take champagne. Under the noses of indignant aunt and uncle, what +glorious fun it would have been! + +Out of place as Mr. Scully's present was, and though Lady Gorgon and +her party sneered at the vulgar notion of venison and turtle for +supper, all the world at Oldborough ate very greedily of those two +substantial dishes; and the Mayor's wife became from that day forth +a mortal enemy of the Gorgons: for, sitting near her Ladyship, who +refused the proffered soup and meat, the Mayoress thought herself +obliged to follow this disagreeable example. She sent away the +plate of turtle with a sigh, saying, however, to the baronet's lady, +"I thought, mem, that the LORD MAYOR OF LONDON always had turtle to +his supper?" + +"And what if he didn't, Biddy?" said his Honour the Mayor; "a good +thing's a good thing, and here goes!" wherewith he plunged his spoon +into the savoury mess. The Mayoress, as we have said, dared not; +but she hated Lady Gorgon, and remembered it at the next election. + +The pride, in fact, and insolence of the Gorgon party rendered every +person in the room hostile to them; so soon as, gorged with meat, +they began to find that courage which Britons invariably derive from +their victuals. The show of the Gorgon plate seemed to offend the +people. The Gorgon champagne was a long time, too, in making its +appearance. Arrive, however, it did. The people were waiting for +it; the young ladies, not accustomed to that drink, declined +pledging their admirers until it was produced; the men, too, +despised the bucellas and sherry, and were looking continually +towards the door. At last, Mr. Rincer, the landlord, Mr. Hock, Sir +George's butler, and sundry others entered the room. Bang! went the +corks--fizz the foamy liquor sparkled into all sorts of glasses that +were held out for its reception. Mr. Hock helped Sir George and his +party, who drank with great gusto; the wine which was administered +to the persons immediately around Mr. Scully was likewise pronounced +to be good. But Mr. Perkins, who had taken his seat among the +humbler individuals, and in the very middle of the table, observed +that all these persons, after drinking, made to each other very wry +and ominous faces, and whispered much. He tasted his wine: it was +a villanous compound of sugar, vitriol, soda-water, and green +gooseberries. At this moment a great clatter of forks was made by +the president's and vice-president's party. Silence for a +toast--'twas silence all. + +"Landlord," said Mr. Perkins, starting up (the rogue, where did his +impudence come from?) "have you any champagne of YOUR OWN?" + +"Silence! down!" roared the Tories, the ladies looking aghast. +"Silence, sit down you!" shrieked the well-known voice of the +General. + +"I beg your pardon, General," said young John Perkins; "but where +COULD you have bought this champagne? My worthy friend I know is +going to propose the ladies; let us at any rate drink such a toast +in good wine." ("Hear, hear!") "Drink her Ladyship's health in +THIS stuff? I declare to goodness I would sooner drink it in beer!" + +No pen can describe the uproar which arose: the anguish of the +Gorgonites--the shrieks, jeers, cheers, ironic cries of "Swipes!" +etc., which proceeded from the less genteel but more enthusiastic +Scullyites. + +"This vulgarity is too much," said Lady Gorgon, rising; and Mrs. +Mayoress and the ladies of the party did so too. + +The General, two squires, the clergyman, the Gorgon apothecary and +attorney, with their respective ladies, followed her: they were +plainly beaten from the field. Such of the Tories as dared +remained, and in inglorious compromise shared the jovial Whig feast. + +"Gentlemen and ladies," hiccupped Mr. Heeltap, "I'll give you a +toast. 'Champagne to our real--hic--friends,' no, 'Real champagne +to our friends,' and--hic--pooh! 'Champagne to our friends, and real +pain to our enemies,'--huzzay!" + +The Scully faction on this day bore the victory away, and if the +polite reader has been shocked by certain vulgarities on the part of +Mr. Scully and his friends, he must remember imprimis that +Oldborough was an inconsiderable place--that the inhabitants thereof +were chiefly tradespeople, not of refined habits--that Mr. Scully +himself had only for three months mingled among the aristocracy- +-that his young friend Perkins was violently angry--and finally, and +to conclude, that the proud vulgarity of the great Sir George Gorgon +and his family was infinitely more odious and contemptible than the +mean vulgarity of the Scullyites and their leader. + +Immediately after this event, Mr. Scully and his young friend +Perkins returned to town; the latter to his garrets in Bedford Row-- +the former to his apartments on the first floor of the same house. +He lived here to superintend his legal business: his London agents, +Messrs. Higgs, Biggs, and Blatherwick, occupying the ground floor; +the junior partner, Mr. Gustavus Blatherwick, the second flat of the +house. Scully made no secret of his profession or residence: he +was an attorney, and proud of it; he was the grandson of a labourer, +and thanked God for it; he had made his fortune by his own honest +labour, and why should he be ashamed of it? + +And now, having explained at full length who the several heroes and +heroines of this history were, and how they conducted themselves in +the country, let us describe their behaviour in London, and the +great events which occurred there. + +You must know that Mr. Perkins bore away the tenderest recollections +of the young lady with whom he had danced at the Oldborough ball, +and, having taken particular care to find out where she dwelt when +in the metropolis, managed soon to become acquainted with Aunt +Biggs, and made himself so amiable to that lady, that she begged he +would pass all his disengaged evenings at her lodgings in Caroline +Place. Mrs. Biggs was perfectly aware that the young gentleman did +not come for her bohea and muffins, so much as for the sweeter +conversation of her niece, Miss Gorgon; but seeing that these two +young people were of an age when ideas of love and marriage will +spring up, do what you will; seeing that her niece had a fortune, +and Mr. Perkins had the prospect of a place, and was moreover a very +amiable and well-disposed young fellow, she thought her niece could +not do better than marry him; and Miss Gorgon thought so too. Now +the public will be able to understand the meaning of that important +conversation which is recorded at the very commencement of this +history. + +Lady Gorgon and her family were likewise in town; but, when in the +metropolis, they never took notice of their relative, Miss Lucy: +the idea of acknowledging an ex-schoolmistress living in +Mecklenburgh Square being much too preposterous for a person of my +Lady Gorgon's breeding and fashion. She did not, therefore, know of +the progress which sly Perkins was making all this while; for Lucy +Gorgon did not think it was at all necessary to inform her Ladyship +how deeply she was smitten by the wicked young gentleman who had +made all the disturbance at the Oldborough ball. + +The intimacy of these young persons had, in fact, become so close, +that on a certain sunshiny Sunday in December, after having +accompanied Aunt Biggs to church, they had pursued their walk as far +as that rendezvous of lovers, the Regent's Park, and were talking of +their coming marriage, with much confidential tenderness, before the +bears in the Zoological Gardens. + +Miss Lucy was ever and anon feeding those interesting animals with +buns, to perform which act of charity she had clambered up on the +parapet which surrounds their den. Mr. Perkins was below; and Miss +Lucy, having distributed her buns, was on the point of +following,--but whether from timidity, or whether from a desire to +do young Perkins an essential service, I know not: however, she +found herself quite unwilling to jump down unaided. + +"My dearest John," said she, "I never can jump that." + +Whereupon John stepped up, put one hand round Lucy's waist; and as +one of hers gently fell upon his shoulder, Mr. Perkins took the +other and said,-- + +"Now jump." + +Hoop! jump she did, and so excessively active and clever was Mr. +John Perkins, that he jumped Miss Lucy plump into the middle of a +group formed of-- + +Lady Gorgon; +The Misses Gorgon; +Master George Augustus Frederick Grimsby Gorgon; + +And a footman, poodle, and French governess: who had all been for +two or three minutes listening to the billings and cooings of these +imprudent young lovers. + + + +CHAPTER II. + + + +SHOWS HOW THE PLOT BEGAN TO THICKEN IN OR ABOUT BEDFORD ROW. + +"Miss Lucy!" + +"Upon my word!" + +"I'm hanged if it arn't Lucy! How do, Lucy?" uttered Lady, the +Misses, and Master Gorgon in a breath. + +Lucy came forward, bending down her ambrosial curls, and blushing, +as a modest young woman should: for, in truth, the scrape was very +awkward. And as for John Perkins, he made a start, and then a step +forwards, and then two backwards, and then began laying hands upon +his black satin stock--in short, the sun did not shine at that +moment upon a man who looked so exquisitely foolish. + +"Miss Lucy Gorgon, is your aunt--is Mrs. Briggs here?" said Lady +Gorgon, drawing herself up with much state. + +"Mrs. Biggs, Aunt?" said Lucy demurely. + +"Biggs or Briggs, madam, it is not of the slightest consequence. I +presume that persons in my rank of life are not expected to know +everybody's name in Magdeburg Square?" (Lady Gorgon had a house in +Baker Street, and a dismal house it was.) "NOT here," continued +she, rightly interpreting Lucy's silence, "NOT here?--and may I ask +how long is it that young ladies have been allowed to walk abroad +without chaperons, and to--to take a part in such scenes as that +which we have just seen acted?" + +To this question--and indeed it was rather difficult to answer--Miss +Gorgon had no reply. There were the six grey eyes of her cousins +glowering at her; there was George Augustus Frederick examining her +with an air of extreme wonder, Mademoiselle the governess turning +her looks demurely away, and awful Lady Gorgon glancing fiercely at +her in front. Not mentioning the footman and poodle, what could a +poor modest timid girl plead before such an inquisition, especially +when she was clearly guilty? Add to this, that as Lady Gorgon, that +majestic woman, always remarkable for her size and insolence of +demeanour, had planted herself in the middle of the path, and spoke +at the extreme pitch of her voice, many persons walking in the +neighbourhood had heard her Ladyship's speech and stopped, and +seemed disposed to await the rejoinder. + +"For Heaven's sake, Aunt, don't draw a crowd around us," said Lucy, +who, indeed, was glad of the only escape that lay in her power. "I +will tell you of the--of the circumstances of--of my engagement with +this gentleman--with Mr. Perkins," added she, in a softer tone--so +soft that the 'ERKINS was quite inaudible. + +"A Mr. What? An engagement without consulting your guardians!" +screamed her Ladyship. "This must be looked to! Jerningham, call +round my carriage. Mademoiselle, you will have the goodness to walk +home with Master Gorgon, and carry him, if you please, where there +is wet; and, girls, as the day is fine, you will do likewise. +Jerningham, you will attend the young ladies. Miss Gorgon, I will +thank you to follow me immediately." And so saying, and looking at +the crowd with ineffable scorn, and at Mr. Perkins not at all, the +lady bustled away forwards, the files of Gorgon daughters and +governess closing round and enveloping poor Lucy, who found herself +carried forward against her will, and in a minute seated in her +aunt's coach, along with that tremendous person. + +Her case was bad enough, but what was it to Perkins's? Fancy his +blank surprise and rage at having his love thus suddenly ravished +from him, and his delicious tete-a-tete interrupted. He managed, in +an inconceivably short space of time, to conjure up half-a-million +obstacles to his union. What should he do? he would rush on to +Baker Street, and wait there until his Lucy left Lady Gorgon's +house. + +He could find no vehicle in the Regent's Park, and was in +consequence obliged to make his journey on foot. Of course, he +nearly killed himself with running, and ran so quick, that he was +just in time to see the two ladies step out of Lady Gorgon's +carriage at her own house, and to hear Jerningham's fellow-footman +roar to the Gorgonian coachman, "Half-past seven!" at which hour we +are, to this day, convinced that Lady Gorgon was going out to dine. +Mr. Jerningham's associate having banged to the door, with an +insolent look towards Perkins, who was prying in with the most +suspicious and indecent curiosity, retired, exclaiming, "That chap +has a hi to our great-coats, I reckon!" and left John Perkins to +pace the street and be miserable. + +John Perkins then walked resolutely up and down dismal Baker Street, +determined on an eclaircissement. He was for some time occupied in +thinking how it was that the Gorgons were not at church, they who +made such a parade of piety; and John Perkins smiled as he passed +the chapel, and saw that two CHARITY SERMONS were to be preached +that day--and therefore it was that General Gorgon read prayers to +his family at home in the morning. + +Perkins, at last, saw that little General, in blue frock-coat and +spotless buff gloves, saunter scowling home; and half an hour before +his arrival had witnessed the entrance of Jerningham, and the three +gaunt Miss Gorgons, poodle, son-and-heir, and French governess, +protected by him, into Sir George's mansion. + +"Can she be going to stay all night?" mused poor John, after being +on the watch for three hours: when presently, to his inexpressible +delight, he saw a very dirty hackney-coach clatter up to the Gorgon +door, out of which first issued the ruby plush breeches and stalwart +calves of Mr. Jerningham; these were followed by his body, and then +the gentleman, ringing modestly, was admitted. + +Again the door opened: a lady came out, nor was she followed by the +footman, who crossed his legs at the door-post and allowed her to +mount the jingling vehicle as best she might. Mr. Jerningham had +witnessed the scene in the Park Gardens, had listened to the +altercation through the library keyhole, and had been mighty sulky +at being ordered to call a coach for this young woman. He did not +therefore deign to assist her to mount. + +But there was ONE who did! Perkins was by the side of his Lucy: he +had seen her start back and cry, "La, John!"--had felt her squeeze +his arm--had mounted with her into the coach, and then shouted with +a voice of thunder to the coachman, "Caroline Place, Mecklenburgh +Square." + +But Mr. Jerningham would have been much more surprised and puzzled +if he had waited one minute longer, and seen this Mr. Perkins, who +had so gallantly escaladed the hackney-coach, step out of it with +the most mortified, miserable, chap-fallen countenance possible. + +The fact is, he had found poor Lucy sobbing fit to break her heart, +and instead of consoling her, as he expected, he only seemed to +irritate her further: for she said, "Mr. Perkins--I beg--I insist, +that you leave the carriage." And when Perkins made some movement +(which, not being in the vehicle at the time, we have never been +able to comprehend), she suddenly sprang from the back-seat and +began pulling at a large piece of cord which communicated with the +wrist of the gentleman driving; and, screaming to him at the top of +her voice, bade him immediately stop. + +This Mr. Coachman did, with a curious, puzzled, grinning air. + +Perkins descended, and on being asked, "Vere ham I to drive the +young 'oman, sir?" I am sorry to say muttered something like an +oath, and uttered the above-mentioned words, "Caroline Place, +Mecklenburgh Square," in a tone which I should be inclined to +describe as both dogged and sheepish--very different from that +cheery voice which he had used when he first gave the order. + +Poor Lucy, in the course of those fatal three hours which had passed +while Mr. Perkins was pacing up and down Baker Street, had received +a lecture which lasted exactly one hundred and eighty minutes--from +her aunt first, then from her uncle, whom we have seen marching +homewards, and often from both together. + +Sir George Gorgon and his lady poured out such a flood of advice and +abuse against the poor girl, that she came away from the interview +quite timid and cowering; and when she saw John Perkins (the sly +rogue! how well he thought he had managed the trick!) she shrank +from him as if he had been a demon of wickedness, ordered him out of +the carriage, and went home by herself, convinced that she had +committed some tremendous sin. + +While, then, her coach jingled away to Caroline Place, Perkins, once +more alone, bent his steps in the same direction. A desperate, +heart-stricken man, he passed by the beloved's door, saw lights in +the front drawing-room, felt probably that she was there; but he +could not go in. Moodily he paced down Doughty Street, and turning +abruptly into Bedford Row, rushed into his own chambers, where Mrs. +Snooks, the laundress, had prepared his humble Sabbath meal. + +A cheerful fire blazed in his garret, and Mrs. Snooks had prepared +for him the favourite blade-bone he loved (blest four-days' dinner +for a bachelor--roast, cold, hashed, grilled bladebone, the fourth +being better than the first); but although he usually did rejoice in +this meal--ordinarily, indeed, grumbling that there was not enough +to satisfy him--he, on this occasion, after two mouthfuls, flung +down his knife and fork, and buried his two claws in his hair. + +"Snooks," said he at last, very moodily, "remove this d---- mutton, +give me my writing things, and some hot brandy-and-water." + +This was done without much alarm: for you must know that Perkins +used to dabble in poetry, and ordinarily prepare himself for +composition by this kind of stimulus. + +He wrote hastily a few lines. + +"Snooks, put on your bonnet," said he, "and carry this--YOU KNOW +WHERE!" he added, in a hollow, heart-breaking tone of voice, that +affected poor Snooks almost to tears. She went, however, with the +note, which was to this purpose:-- + +"Lucy! Lucy! my soul's love--what, what has happened? I am writing +this"--(a gulp of brandy-and-water)--"in a state bordering on +distraction--madness--insanity"(another). "Why did you send me out +of the coach in that cruel cruel way? Write to me a word, a line-- +tell me, tell me, I may come to you--and leave me not in this +agonising condition; your faithful"(glog--glog--glog--the whole +glass)-- + "J.P." + +He never signed John Perkins in full--he couldn't, it was so +unromantic. + +Well, this missive was despatched by Mrs. Snooks, and Perkins, in a +fearful state of excitement, haggard, wild, and with more +brandy-and-water, awaited the return of his messenger. + +When at length, after about an absence of forty years, as it seemed +to him, the old lady returned with a large packet, Perkins seized it +with a trembling hand, and was yet more frightened to see the +handwriting of Mrs. or Miss Biggs. + +"MY DEAR MR. PERKINS," she began--"Although I am not your soul's +adored, I performed her part for once, since I have read your +letter, as I told her. You need not be very much alarmed, although +Lucy is at this moment in bed and unwell: for the poor girl has had +a sad scene at her grand uncle's house in Baker Street, and came +home very much affected. Rest, however, will restore her, for she +is not one of your nervous sort; and I hope when you come in the +morning, you will see her as blooming as she was when you went out +to-day on that unlucky walk. + +"See what Sir George Gorgon says of us all! You won't challenge +him, I know, as he is to be your uncle, and so I may show you his +letter. + +"Good-night, my dear John. Do not go QUITE distracted before +morning; and believe me your loving aunt, + "JEMIMA BIGGS." + + + "41 BAKER STREET: 11th December. + +"MAJOR-GENERAL SIR GEORGE GORGON has heard with the utmost disgust +and surprise of the engagement which Miss Lucy Gorgon has thought +fit to form. + +"The Major-General cannot conceal his indignation at the share which +Miss Biggs has taken in this disgraceful transaction. + +"Sir George Gorgon puts an absolute veto upon all further +communication between his niece and the low-born adventurer who has +been admitted into her society, and begs to say that Lieutenant +Fitch, of the Lifeguards, is the gentleman who he intends shall +marry Miss Gorgon. + +"It is the Major-General's wish, that on the 28th Miss Gorgon should +be ready to come to his house, in Baker Street, where she will be +more safe from impertinent intrusions than she has been in +Mucklebury Square. + + "MRS. BIGGS, + "Caroline Place, + "Mecklenburgh Square." + +When poor John Perkins read this epistle, blank rage and wonder +filled his soul, at the audacity of the little General, who thus, +without the smallest title in the world, pretended to dispose of the +hand and fortune of his niece. The fact is, that Sir George had +such a transcendent notion of his own dignity and station, that it +never for a moment entered his head that his niece, or anybody else +connected with him, should take a single step in life without +previously receiving his orders; and Mr. Fitch, a baronet's son, +having expressed an admiration of Lucy, Sir George had determined +that his suit should be accepted, and really considered Lucy's +preference of another as downright treason. + +John Perkins determined on the death of Fitch as the very least +reparation that should satisfy him; and vowed too that some of the +General's blood should be shed for the words which he had dared to +utter. + +We have said that William Pitt Scully, Esquire, M.P., occupied the +first floor of Mr. Perkins's house in Bedford Row: and the reader +is further to be informed that an immense friendship had sprung up +between these two gentlemen. The fact is, that poor John was very +much flattered by Scully's notice, and began in a very short time to +fancy himself a political personage; for he had made several of +Scully's speeches, written more than one letter from him to his +constituents, and, in a word, acted as his gratis clerk. At least a +guinea a week did Mr. Perkins save to the pockets of Mr. Scully, and +with hearty good will too, for he adored the great William Pitt, and +believed every word that dropped from the pompous lips of that +gentleman. + +Well, after having discussed Sir George Gorgon's letter, poor +Perkins, in the utmost fury of mind that his darling should be +slandered so, feeling a desire for fresh air, determined to descend +to the garden and smoke a cigar in that rural quiet spot. The night +was very calm. The moonbeams slept softly upon the herbage of +Gray's Inn gardens, and bathed with silver splendour Theobald's Row. +A million of little frisky twinkling stars attended their queen, who +looked with bland round face upon their gambols, as they peeped in +and out from the azure heavens. Along Gray's Inn wall a lazy row of +cabs stood listlessly, for who would call a cab on such a night? +Meanwhile their drivers, at the alehouse near, smoked the short pipe +or quaffed the foaming beer. Perhaps from Gray's Inn Lane some +broken sounds of Irish revelry might rise. Issuing perhaps from +Raymond Buildings gate, six lawyers' clerks might whoop a tipsy +song--or the loud watchman yell the passing hour; but beyond this +all was silence; and young Perkins, as he sat in the summerhouse at +the bottom of the garden, and contemplated the peaceful heaven, felt +some influences of it entering into his soul, and almost forgetting +revenge, thought but of peace and love. + +Presently, he was aware there was someone else pacing the garden. +Who could it be?--Not Blatherwick, for he passed the Sabbath with +his grandmamma at Clapham; not Scully surely, for he always went to +Bethesda Chapel, and to a select prayer-meeting afterwards. Alas! +it WAS Scully; for though that gentleman SAID that he went to +chapel, we have it for a fact that he did not always keep his +promise, and was at this moment employed in rehearsing an extempore +speech, which he proposed to deliver at St. Stephen's. + +"Had I, sir," spouted he, with folded arms, slowly pacing to and +fro--"Had I, sir, entertained the smallest possible intention of +addressing the House on the present occasion--hum, on the present +occasion--I would have endeavoured to prepare myself in a way that +should have at least shown my sense of the greatness of the subject +before the House's consideration, and the nature of the +distinguished audience I have the honour to address. I am, sir, a +plain man--born of the people--myself one of the people, having won, +thank Heaven, an honourable fortune and position by my own honest +labour; and standing here as I do--" + + * * * + +Here Mr. Scully (it may be said that he never made a speech without +bragging about himself: and an excellent plan it is, for people +cannot help believing you at last)--here, I say, Mr. Scully, who had +one arm raised, felt himself suddenly tipped on the shoulder, and +heard a voice saying, "Your money or your life!" + +The honourable gentleman twirled round as if he had been shot; the +papers on which a great part of this impromptu was written dropped +from his lifted hand, and some of them were actually borne on the +air into neighbouring gardens. The man was, in fact, in the direst +fright. + +"It's only I," said Perkins, with rather a forced laugh, when he saw +the effect that his wit had produced. + +"Only you! And pray what the dev--what right have you to--to come +upon a man of my rank in that way, and disturb me in the midst of +very important meditations?" asked Mr. Scully, beginning to grow +fierce. + +"I want your advice," said Perkins, "on a matter of the very +greatest importance to me. You know my idea of marrying?" + +"Marry!" said Scully; "I thought you had given up that silly scheme. +And how, pray, do you intend to live?" + +"Why, my intended has a couple of hundreds a year, and my clerkship +in the Tape and Sealing-Wax Office will be as much more." + +"Clerkship--Tape and Sealing-Wax Office--Government sinecure!--Why, +good heavens! John Perkins, you don't tell ME that you are going to +accept any such thing?" + +"It is a very small salary, certainly," said John, who had a decent +notion of his own merits; "but consider, six months vacation, two +hours in the day, and those spent over the newspapers. After all, +it's--" + +"After all it's a swindle," roared out Mr. Scully--"a swindle upon +the country; an infamous tax upon the people, who starve that you +may fatten in idleness. But take this clerkship in the Tape and +Sealing-Wax Office," continued the patriot, his bosom heaving with +noble indignation, and his eye flashing the purest fire,--"TAKE this +clerkship, John Perkins, and sanction tyranny, by becoming one of +its agents; sanction dishonesty by sharing in its plunder--do this, +BUT never more be friend of mine. Had I a child," said the patriot, +clasping his hands and raising his eyes to heaven, "I would rather +see him dead, sir--dead, dead at my feet, than the servant of a +Government which all honest men despise." And here, giving a +searching glance at Perkins, Mr. Scully began tramping up and down +the garden in a perfect fury. + +"Good heavens!" exclaimed the timid John Perkins--"don't say SO. My +dear Mr. Scully, I'm not the dishonest character you suppose me to +be--I never looked at the matter in this light. I'll--I'll consider +of it. I'll tell Crampton that I will give up the place; but for +Heaven's sake, don't let me forfeit YOUR friendship, which is dearer +to me than any place in the world." + +Mr. Scully pressed his hand, and said nothing; and though their +interview lasted a full half-hour longer, during which they paced up +and down the gravel walk, we shall not breathe a single syllable of +their conversation, as it has nothing to do with our tale. + +The next morning, after an interview with Miss Lucy, John Perkins, +Esquire, was seen to issue from Mrs. Biggs's house, looking +particularly pale, melancholy, and thoughtful; and he did not stop +until he reached a certain door in Downing Street, where was the +office of a certain great Minister, and the offices of the clerks in +his Lordship's department. + +The head of them was Mr. Josiah Crampton, who has now to be +introduced to the public. He was a little old gentleman, some sixty +years of age, maternal uncle to John Perkins; a bachelor, who had +been about forty-two years employed in the department of which he +was now the head. + +After waiting four hours in an ante-room, where a number of +Irishmen, some newspaper editors, many pompous-looking political +personages asking for the "first lord," a few sauntering clerks, and +numbers of swift active messengers passed to and fro;--after waiting +for four hours, making drawings on the blotting-book, and reading +the Morning Post for that day week, Mr. Perkins was informed that he +might go into his uncle's room, and did so accordingly. + +He found a little hard old gentleman seated at a table covered with +every variety of sealing-wax, blotting-paper, envelopes, +despatch-boxes, green tapers, etc. etc. An immense fire was blazing +in the grate, an immense sheet-almanack hung over that, a screen, +three or four chairs, and a faded Turkey carpet, formed the rest of +the furniture of this remarkable room--which I have described thus +particularly, because in the course of a long official life, I have +remarked that such is the invariable decoration of political rooms. + +"Well, John," said the little hard old gentleman, pointing to an +arm-chair, "I'm told you've been here since eleven. Why the deuce +do you come so early?" + +"I had important business," answered Mr. Perkins, stoutly; and as +his uncle looked up with a comical expression of wonder, John began +in a solemn tone to deliver a little speech which he had composed, +and which proved him to be a very worthy, easy, silly fellow. + +"Sir," said Mr. Perkins, "you have known for some time past the +nature of my political opinions, and the intimacy which I have had +the honour to form with one--with some of the leading members of the +Liberal party." (A grin from Mr. Crampton.) "When first, by your +kindness, I was promised the clerkship in the Tape and Sealing-Wax +Office, my opinions were not formed as they are now; and having +taken the advice of the gentlemen with whom I act,"--(an enormous +grin)--"the advice, I say, of the gentlemen with whom I act, and the +counsel likewise of my own conscience, I am compelled, with the +deepest grief, to say, my dear uncle, that I--I--" + +"That you--what, sir?" exclaimed little Mr. Crampton, bouncing off +his chair. "You don't mean to say that you are such a fool as to +decline the place?" + +"I do decline the place," said Perkins, whose blood rose at the word +"fool." "As a man of honour, I cannot take it." + +"Not take it! and how are you to live? On the rent of that house of +yours? For, by gad, sir, if you give up the clerkship, I never will +give you a shilling." + +"It cannot be helped," said Mr. Perkins, looking as much like a +martyr as he possibly could, and thinking himself a very fine +fellow. "I have talents, sir, which I hope to cultivate; and am +member of a profession by which a man may hope to rise to the very +highest offices of the State." + +"Profession, talents, offices of the State! Are you mad, John +Perkins, that you come to me with such insufferable twaddle as this? +Why, do you think if you HAD been capable of rising at the bar, I +would have taken so much trouble about getting you a place? No, +sir; you are too fond of pleasure, and bed, and tea-parties, and +small-talk, and reading novels, and playing the flute, and writing +sonnets. You would no more rise at the bar than my messenger, sir. +It was because I knew your disposition--that hopeless, careless, +irresolute good-humour of yours--that I had determined to keep you +out of danger, by placing you in a snug shelter, where the storms of +the world would not come near you. You must have principles +forsooth! and you must marry Miss Gorgon, of course: and by the +time you have gone ten circuits, and had six children, you will have +eaten up every shilling of your wife's fortune, and be as briefless +as you are now. Who the deuce has put all this nonsense into your +head? I think I know." + +Mr. Perkins's ears tingled as these hard words saluted them; and he +scarcely knew whether he ought to knock his uncle down, or fall at +his feet and say, "Uncle, I have been a, fool, and I know it." The +fact is, that in his interview with Miss Gorgon and her aunt in the +morning, when he came to tell them of the resolution he had formed +to give up the place, both the ladies and John himself had agreed, +with a thousand rapturous tears and exclamations, that he was one of +the noblest young men that ever lived, had acted as became himself, +and might with perfect propriety give up the place, his talents +being so prodigious that no power on earth could hinder him from +being Lord Chancellor. Indeed, John and Lucy had always thought the +clerkship quite beneath him, and were not a little glad, perhaps, at +finding a pretext for decently refusing it. But as Perkins was a +young gentleman whose candour was such that he was always swayed by +the opinions of the last speaker, he did begin to feel now the truth +of his uncle's statements, however disagreeable they might be. + +Mr. Crampton continued:-- + +"I think I know the cause of your patriotism. Has not William Pitt +Scully, Esquire, had something to do with it?" + +Mr. Perkins COULD not turn any redder than he was, but confessed +with deep humiliation that "he HAD consulted Mr. Scully among other +friends." + +Mr. Crampton smiled--drew a letter from a heap before him, and +tearing off the signature, handed over the document to his nephew. +It contained the following paragraphs:-- + +"Hawksby has sounded Scully: we can have him any day we want him. +He talks very big at present, and says he would not take anything +under a. . . This is absurd. He has a Yorkshire nephew coming up +to town, and wants a place for him. There is one vacant in the Tape +Office, he says: have you not a promise of it?" + +"I can't--I can't believe it," said John; "this, sir, is some weak +invention of the enemy. Scully is the most honourable man +breathing." + +"Mr. Scully is a gentleman in a very fair way to make a fortune," +answered Mr. Crampton. "Look you, John--it is just as well for your +sake that I should give you the news a few weeks before the papers, +for I don't want you to be ruined, if I can help it, as I don't wish +to have you on my hands. We know all the particulars of Scully's +history. He was a Tory attorney at Oldborough; he was jilted by the +present Lady Gorgon, turned Radical, and fought Sir George in his +own borough. Sir George would have had the peerage he is dying for, +had he not lost that second seat (by-the-by, my Lady will be here in +five minutes), and Scully is now quite firm there. Well, my dear +lad, we have bought your incorruptible Scully. Look here,"--and Mr. +Crampton produced three Morning Posts. + +"'THE HONOURABLE HENRY HAWKSBY'S DINNER-PARTY.--Lord So-and-So--Duke +of So-and-So--W. Pitt Scully, Esq. M.P.' + +"Hawksby is our neutral, our dinner-giver. + +"'LADY DIANA DOLDRUM'S ROUT.--W. Pitt Scully, Esq,' again. + +"'THE EARL OF MANTRAP'S GRAND DINNER.'--A Duke--four Lords--'Mr. +Scully, and Sir George Gorgon.'" + +"Well, but I don't see how you have bought him; look at his votes." + +"My dear John," said Mr. Crampton, jingling his watch-seals very +complacently, "I am letting you into fearful secrets. The great +common end of party is to buy your opponents--the great statesman +buys them for nothing." + +Here the attendant genius of Mr. Crampton made his appearance, and +whispered something, to which the little gentleman said, "Show her +Ladyship in,"--when the attendant disappeared. + +"John," said Mr. Crampton, with a very queer smile, "you can't stay +in this room while Lady Gorgon is with me; but there is a little +clerk's room behind the screen there, where you can wait until I +call you." + +John retired, and as he closed the door of communication, strange to +say, little Mr. Crampton sprang up and said, "Confound the young +ninny, he has shut the door!" + +Mr. Crampton then, remembering that he wanted a map in the next +room, sprang into it, left the door half open in coming out, and was +in time to receive Her Ladyship with smiling face as she, ushered by +Mr. Strongitharm, majestically sailed in. + + + +CHAPTER III. + + + +BEHIND THE SCENES. + +In issuing from and leaving open the door of the inner room, Mr. +Crampton had bestowed upon Mr. Perkins a look so peculiarly arch, +that even he, simple as he was, began to imagine that some mystery +was about to be cleared up, or some mighty matter to be discussed. +Presently he heard the well-known voice of Lady Gorgon in +conversation with his uncle. What could their talk be about? Mr. +Perkins was dying to know, and--shall we say it?--advanced to the +door on tiptoe and listened with all his might. + +Her Ladyship, that Juno of a woman, if she had not borrowed Venus's +girdle to render herself irresistible, at least had adopted a +tender, coaxing, wheedling, frisky tone, quite different from her +ordinary dignified style of conversation. She called Mr. Crampton a +naughty man, for neglecting his old friends, vowed that Sir George +was quite hurt at his not coming to dine--nor fixing a day when he +would come--and added, with a most engaging ogle, that she had three +fine girls at home, who would perhaps make an evening pass +pleasantly, even to such a gay bachelor as Mr. Crampton. + +"Madam," said he, with much gravity, "the daughters of such a mother +must be charming; but I, who have seen your Ladyship, am, alas! +proof against even them." + +Both parties here heaved tremendous sighs and affected to be +wonderfully unhappy about something. + +"I wish," after a pause, said Lady Gorgon--"I wish, dear Mr. +Crampton, you would not use that odious title 'my Ladyship:' you +know it always makes me melancholy." + +"Melancholy, my dear Lady Gorgon; and why?" + +"Because it makes me think of another title that ought to have been +mine--ours (I speak for dear Sir George's and my darling boy's sake, +Heaven knows, not mine). What a sad disappointment it has been to +my husband, that after all his services, all the promises he has +had, they have never given him his peerage. As for me, you know--" + +"For you, my dear madam, I know quite well that you care for no such +bauble as a coronet, except in so far as it may confer honour upon +those most dear to you--excellent wife and noble mother as you are. +Heigho! what a happy man is Sir George!" + +Here there was another pause, and if Mr. Perkins could have seen +what was taking place behind the screen, he would have beheld little +Mr. Crampton looking into Lady Gorgon's face, with as love-sick a +Romeo-gaze as he could possibly counterfeit; while her Ladyship, +blushing somewhat and turning her own grey gogglers up to heaven, +received all his words for gospel, and sat fancying herself to be +the best, most meritorious, and most beautiful creature in the three +kingdoms. + +"You men are terrible flatterers," continued she; "but you say +right: for myself I value not these empty distinctions. I am +growing old, Mr. Crampton,--yes, indeed, I am, although you smile so +incredulously,--and let me add, that MY thoughts are fixed upon +HIGHER things than earthly crowns. But tell me, you who are all in +all with Lord Bagwig, are we never to have our peerage? His +Majesty, I know, is not averse; the services of dear Sir George to a +member of His Majesty's august family, I know, have been appreciated +in the highest quarter. Ever since the peace we have had a promise. +Four hundred pounds has Sir George spent at the Heralds' Office (I +myself am of one of the most ancient families in the kingdom, Mr. +Crampton), and the poor dear man's health is really ruined by the +anxious sickening feeling of hope so long delayed." + +Mr. Crampton now assumed an air of much solemnity. + +"My dear Lady Gorgon," said he, "will you let me be frank with you, +and will you promise solemnly that what I am going to tell you shall +never be repeated to a single soul?" + +Lady Gorgon promised. + +"Well, then, since the truth you must know, you yourselves have been +in part the cause of the delay of which you complain. You gave us +two votes five years ago; you now only give us one. If Sir George +were to go up to the Peers, we should lose even that one vote; and +would it be common sense in us to incur such a loss? Mr. Scully, +the Liberal, would return another Member of his own way of thinking; +and as for the Lords, we have, you know, a majority there." + +"Oh, that horrid man!" said Lady Gorgon, cursing Mr. Scully in her +heart, and beginning to play a rapid tattoo with her feet, "that +miscreant, that traitor, that--that attorney has been our ruin." + +"Horrid man, if you please, but give me leave to tell you that the +horrid man is not the sole cause of your ruin--if ruin you will call +it. I am sorry to say that I do candidly think Ministers believe +that Sir George Gorgon has lost his influence in Oldborough as much +through his own fault as through Mr. Scully's cleverness." + +"Our own fault! Good heavens! Have we not done +everything--everything that persons of our station in the county +could do, to keep those misguided men? Have we not remonstrated, +threatened, taken away our custom from the Mayor, established a +Conservative apothecary--in fact, done all that gentlemen could do? +But these are such times, Mr. Crampton: the spirit of revolution is +abroad, and the great families of England are menaced by democratic +insolence." + +This was Sir George Gorgon's speech always after dinner, and was +delivered by his lady with a great deal of stateliness. Somewhat, +perhaps, to her annoyance, Mr. Crampton only smiled, shook his head, +and said-- + +"Nonsense, my dear Lady Gorgon--pardon the phrase, but I am a plain +old man, and call things by their names. Now, will you let me +whisper in your ear one word of truth? You have tried all sorts of +remonstrances, and exerted yourself to maintain your influence in +every way, except the right one, and that is--" + +"What, in Heaven's name?" + +"Conciliation. We know your situation in the borough. Mr. Scully's +whole history, and, pardon me for saying so (but we men in office +know everything), yours--" + +Lady Gorgon's ears and cheeks now assumed the hottest hue of +crimson. She thought of her former passages with Scully, and of the +days when--but never mind when: for she suffered her veil to fall, +and buried her head in the folds of her handkerchief. Vain folds! +The wily little Mr. Crampton could see all that passed behind the +cambric, and continued-- + +"Yes, madam, we know the absurd hopes that were formed by a certain +attorney twenty years since. We know how, up to this moment, he +boasts of certain walks--" + +"With the governess--we were always with the governess!" shrieked +out Lady Gorgon, clasping her hands. "She was not the wisest of +women." + +"With the governess, of course," said Mr. Crampton, firmly. "Do you +suppose that any man dare breathe a syllable against your spotless +reputation? Never, my dear madam; but what I would urge is this- +-you have treated your disappointed admirer too cruelly." + +"What! the traitor who has robbed us of our rights?" + +"He never would have robbed you of your rights if you had been more +kind to him. You should be gentle, madam; you should forgive him- +-you should be friends with him." + +"With a traitor, never!" + +"Think what made him a traitor, Lady Gorgon; look in your glass, and +say if there be not some excuse for him? Think of the feelings of +the man who saw beauty such as yours--I am a plain man and must +speak--virtue such as yours, in the possession of a rival. By +heavens, madam, I think he was RIGHT to hate Sir George Gorgon! +Would you have him allow such a prize to be ravished from him +without a pang on his part?" + +"He was, I believe, very much attached to me," said Lady Gorgon, +quite delighted; "but you must be aware that a young man of his +station in life could not look up to a person of my rank." + +"Surely not: it was monstrous pride and arrogance in Mr. Scully. +But que voulez-vous? Such is the world's way. Scully could not +help loving you--who that knows you can? I am a plain man, and say +what I think. He loves you still. Why make an enemy of him, who +would at a word be at your feet? Dearest Lady Gorgon, listen to me. +Sir George Gorgon and Mr. Scully have already met--their meeting was +our contrivance. It is for our interest, for yours, that they +should be friends. If there were two Ministerial Members for +Oldborough, do you think your husband's peerage would be less +secure? I am not at liberty to tell you all I know on this subject; +but do, I entreat you, be reconciled to him." + +And after a little more conversation, which was carried on by Mr. +Crampton in the same tender way, this important interview closed, +and Lady Gorgon, folding her shawl round her, threaded certain +mysterious passages and found her way to her carriage in Whitehall. + +"I hope you have not been listening, you rogue?" said Mr. Crampton +to his nephew, who blushed most absurdly by way of answer. "You +would have heard great State secrets, if you had dared to do so. +That woman is perpetually here, and if peerages are to be had for +the asking, she ought to have been a duchess by this time. I would +not have admitted her but for a reason that I have. Go you now and +ponder upon what you have heard and seen. Be on good terms with +Scully, and, above all, speak not a word concerning our +interview--no, not a word even to your mistress. By the way, I +presume, sir, you will recall your resignation?" + +The bewildered Perkins was about to stammer out a speech, when his +uncle, cutting it short, pushed him gently out of the door. + + * * * + +At the period when the important events occurred which have been +recorded here, parties ran very high, and a mighty struggle for the +vacant Speakership was about to come on. The Right Honourable +Robert Pincher was the Ministerial candidate, and Sir Charles +Macabaw was patronised by the Opposition. The two Members for +Oldborough of course took different sides, the baronet being of the +Pincher faction, while Mr. William Pitt Scully strongly supported +the Macabaw party. + +It was Mr. Scully's intention to deliver an impromptu speech upon +the occasion of the election, and he and his faithful Perkins +prepared it between them: for the latter gentleman had wisely kept +his uncle's counsel and his own and Mr. Scully was quite ignorant of +the conspiracy that was brooding. Indeed, so artfully had that +young Machiavel of a Perkins conducted himself, that when asked by +his patron whether he had given up his place in the Tape and Sealing +Wax Office, he replied that "he HAD tendered his resignation," but +did not say one word about having recalled it. + +"You were right, my boy, quite right," said Mr. Scully. "A man of +uncompromising principles should make no compromise." And herewith +he sat down and wrote off a couple of letters, one to Mr. Hawksby, +telling him that the place in the Sealing-Wax Office was, as he had +reason to know, vacant; and the other to his nephew, stating that it +was to be his. "Under the rose, my dear Bob," added Mr. Scully, "it +will cost you five hundred pounds; but you cannot invest your money +better." + +It is needless to state that the affair was to be conducted "with +the strictest secresy and honour," and that the money was to pass +through Mr. Scully's hands. + +While, however, the great Pincher and Macabaw question was yet +undecided, an event occurred to Mr. Scully, which had a great +influence upon his after-life. A second grand banquet was given at +the Earl of Mantrap's: Lady Mantrap requested him to conduct Lady +Gorgon to dinner; and the latter, with a charming timidity, and a +gracious melancholy look into his face (after which her veined +eyelids veiled her azure eyes), put her hand into the trembling one +of Mr. Scully and said as much as looks could say, "Forgive and +forget." + +Down went Scully to dinner. There were dukes on his right hand and +earls on his left; there were but two persons without title in the +midst of that glittering assemblage; the very servants looked like +noblemen. The cook had done wonders; the wines were cool and rich, +and Lady Gorgon was splendid! What attention did everybody pay to +her and to him! Why WOULD she go on gazing into his face with that +tender imploring look? In other words, Scully, after partaking of +soup and fish (he, during their discussion, had been thinking over +all the former love-and-hate passages between himself and Lady +Gorgon), turned very red, and began talking to her. + +"Were you not at the opera on Tuesday?" began he, assuming at once +the airs of a man of fashion. "I thought I caught a glimpse of you +in the Duchess of Diddlebury's box." + +"Opera, Mr. Scully?" (pronouncing the word "Scully" with the utmost +softness). "Ah, no! we seldom go, and yet too often. For serious +persons the enchantments of that place are too dangerous. I am so +nervous--so delicate; the smallest trifle so agitates, depresses, or +irritates me, that I dare not yield myself up to the excitement of +music. I am too passionately attached to it; and, shall I tell you? +it has such a strange influence upon me, that the smallest false +note almost drives me to distraction, and for that very reason I +hardly ever go to a concert or a ball." + +"Egad," thought Scully, "I recollect when she would dance down a +matter of five-and-forty couple, and jingle away at the 'Battle of +Prague' all day." + +She continued: "Don't you recollect, I do, with--oh, what regret!- +-that day at Oldborough race-ball, when I behaved with such sad +rudeness to you? You will scarcely believe me, and yet I assure you +'tis the fact, the music had made me almost mad. Do let me ask your +pardon for my conduct. I was not myself. Oh, Mr. Scully! I am no +worldly woman; I know my duties, and I feel my wrongs. Nights and +days have I lain awake weeping and thinking of that unhappy day- +-that I should ever speak so to an old friend; for we WERE old +friends, were we not?" + +Scully did not speak; but his eyes were bursting out of his head, +and his face was the exact colour of a deputy-lieutenant's uniform. + +"That I should ever forget myself and you so! How I have been +longing for this opportunity to ask you to forgive me! I asked Lady +Mantrap, when I heard you were to be here, to invite me to her +party. Come, I know you will forgive me--your eyes say you will. +You used to look so in old days, and forgive me my caprices THEN. +Do give me a little wine--we will drink to the memory of old days." + +Her eyes filled with tears; and poor Scully's hand caused such a +rattling and trembling of the glass and the decanter that the Duke +of Doldrum--who had been, during the course of this whispered +sentimentality, describing a famous run with the Queen's hounds at +the top of his voice--stopped at the jingling of the glass, and his +tale was lost for ever. Scully hastily drank his wine, and Lady +Gorgon turned round to her next neighbour, a little gentleman in +black, between whom and herself certain conscious looks passed. + +"I am glad poor Sir George is not here," said he, smiling. + +Lady Gorgon said, "Pooh, for shame!" The little gentleman was no +other than Josiah Crampton, Esquire, that eminent financier, and he +was now going through the curious calculation before mentioned, by +which you BUY A MAN FOR NOTHING. He intended to pay the very same +price for Sir George Gorgon, too; but there was no need to tell the +baronet so; only of this the reader must be made aware. + +While Mr. Crampton was conducting this intrigue, which was to bring +a new recruit to the Ministerial ranks, his mighty spirit +condescended to ponder upon subjects of infinitely less importance, +and to arrange plans for the welfare of his nephew and the young +woman to whom he had made a present of his heart. These young +persons, as we said before, had arranged to live in Mr. Perkins's +own house in Bedford Row. It was of a peculiar construction, and +might more properly be called a house and a half: for a snug little +tenement of four chambers protruded from the back of the house into +the garden. These rooms communicated with the drawing-rooms +occupied by Mr. Scully; and Perkins, who acted as his friend and +secretary, used frequently to sit in the one nearest the Member's +study, in order that he might be close at hand to confer with that +great man. The rooms had a private entrance too, were newly +decorated, and in them the young couple proposed to live; the +kitchen and garrets being theirs likewise. What more could they +need? We are obliged to be particular in describing these +apartments, for extraordinary events occurred therein. + +To say the truth, until the present period Mr. Crampton had taken no +great interest in his nephew's marriage, or, indeed, in the young +man himself. The old gentleman was of a saturnine turn, and +inclined to undervalue the qualities of Mr. Perkins, which were +idleness, simplicity, enthusiasm, and easy good-nature. + +"Such fellows never do anything in the world," he would say, and for +such he had accordingly the most profound contempt. But when, after +John Perkins's repeated entreaties, he had been induced to make the +acquaintance of Miss Gorgon, he became instantly charmed with her, +and warmly espoused her cause against her overbearing relations. + +At his suggestion she wrote back to decline Sir George Gorgon's +peremptory invitation, and hinted at the same time that she had +attained an age and a position which enabled her to be the mistress +of her own actions. To this letter there came an answer from Lady +Gorgon which we shall not copy, but which simply stated that Miss +Lucy Gorgon's conduct was unchristian, ungrateful, unladylike, and +immodest; that the Gorgon family disowned her for the future, and +left her at liberty to form whatever base connections she pleased. + +"A pretty world this," said Mr. Crampton, in a great rage, when the +letter was shown to him. "This same fellow, Scully, dissuades my +nephew from taking a place, because Scully wants it for himself. +This prude of a Lady Gorgon cries out shame, and disowns an innocent +amiable girl: she a heartless jilt herself once, and a heartless +flirt now. The Pharisees, the Pharisees! And to call mine a base +family, too!" + +Now, Lady Gorgon did not in the least know Mr. Crampton's connection +with Mr. Perkins, or she would have been much more guarded in her +language; but whether she knew it or not, the old gentleman felt a +huge indignation, and determined to have his revenge. + +"That's right, Uncle! SHALL I call Gorgon out?" said the impetuous +young Perkins, who was all for blood. + +"John, you are a fool," said his uncle. "You shall have a better +revenge: you shall be married from Sir George Gorgon's house, and +you shall see Mr. William Pitt Scully sold for nothing." This to +the veteran diplomatist seemed to be the highest triumph which man +could possibly enjoy. + +It was very soon to take place: and, as has been the case ever +since the world began, woman, lovely woman was to be the cause of +Scully's fall. The tender scene at Lord Mantrap's was followed by +many others equally sentimental. Sir George Gorgon called upon his +colleague the very next day, and brought with him a card from Lady +Gorgon inviting Mr. Scully to dinner. The attorney eagerly accepted +the invitation, was received in Baker Street by the whole amiable +family with much respectful cordiality, and was pressed to repeat +his visits as country neighbours should. More than once did he +call, and somehow always at the hour when Sir George was away at his +club, or riding in the Park, or elsewhere engaged. Sir George +Gorgon was very old, very feeble, very much shattered in +constitution. Lady Gorgon used to impart her fears to Mr. Scully +every time he called there, and the sympathising attorney used to +console her as best he might. Sir George's country agent neglected +the property--his lady consulted Mr. Scully concerning it. He knew +to a fraction how large her jointure was; how she was to have Gorgon +Castle for her life; and how, in the event of the young baronet's +death (he, too, was a sickly poor boy), the chief part of the +estates, bought by her money, would be at her absolute disposal. + +"What a pity these odious politics prevent me from having you for +our agent," would Lady Gorgon say; and indeed Scully thought it was +a pity too. Ambitious Scully! what wild notions filled his brain. +He used to take leave of Lady Gorgon and ruminate upon these things; +and when he was gone, Sir George and her Ladyship used to laugh. + +"If we can but commit him--if we can but make him vote for Pincher," +said the General, "my peerage is secure. Hawksby and Crampton as +good as told me so." + +The point had been urged upon Mr. Scully repeatedly and adroitly. +"Is not Pincher a more experienced man than Macabaw?" would Sir +George say to his guest over their wine. Scully allowed it. "Can't +you vote for him on personal grounds, and say so in the House?" +Scully wished he could--how he wished he could! Every time the +General coughed, Scully saw his friend's desperate situation more +and more, and thought how pleasant it would be to be lord of Gorgon +Castle. "Knowing my property," cried Sir George, "as you do, and +with your talents and integrity, what a comfort it would be could I +leave you as guardian to my boy! But these cursed politics prevent +it, my dear fellow. Why WILL you be a Radical?" And Scully cursed +politics too. "Hang the low-bred rogue," added Sir George, when +William Pitt Scully left the house: "he will do everything but +promise." + +"My dear General," said Lady Gorgon, sidling up to him and patting +him on his old yellow cheek--"My dear Georgy, tell me one +thing,--are you jealous?" + +"Jealous, my dear! and jealous of THAT fellow--pshaw!" + +"Well, then, give me leave, and you shall have the promise +to-morrow." + + * * * + +To-morrow arrived. It was a remarkably fine day, and in the +forenoon Mr. Perkins gave his accustomed knock at Scully's study, +which was only separated from his own sitting-room by a double door. +John had wisely followed his uncle's advice, and was on the best +terms with the honourable Member. + +"Here are a few sentences," said he, "which I think may suit your +purpose. Great public services--undeniable merit--years of +integrity--cause of reform, and Macabaw for ever!" He put down the +paper. It was, in fact, a speech in favour of Mr. Macabaw. + +"Hush," said Scully, rather surlily; for he was thinking how +disagreeable it was to support Macabaw; and besides, there were +clerks in the room, whom the thoughtless Perkins had not at first +perceived. As soon as that gentleman saw them, "You are busy, I +see," continued he in a lower tone. "I came to say that I must be +off duty to-day, for I am engaged to take a walk with some ladies of +my acquaintance." + +So saying, the light-hearted young man placed his hat +unceremoniously on his head, and went off through his own door, +humming a song. He was in such high spirits that he did not even +think of closing the doors of communication, and Scully looked after +him with a sneer. + +"Ladies, forsooth," thought he; "I know who they are. This precious +girl that he is fooling with, for one, I suppose." He was right: +Perkins was off on the wings of love, to see Miss Lucy; and she and +Aunt Biggs and Uncle Crampton had promised this very day to come and +look at the apartments which Mrs. John Perkins was to occupy with +her happy husband. + +"Poor devil," so continued Mr. Scully's meditations, "it is almost +too bad to do him out of his place; but my Bob wants it, and John's +girl has, I hear, seven thousand pounds. His uncle will get him +another place before all that money is spent." And herewith Mr. +Scully began conning the speech which Perkins had made for him. + +He had not read it more than six times,--in truth, he was getting it +by heart,--when his head clerk came to him from the front room, +bearing a card: a footman had brought it, who said his lady was +waiting below. Lady Gorgon's name was on the card! To seize his +hat and rush downstairs was, with Mr. Scully, the work of an +infinitesimal portion of time. + +It was indeed Lady Gorgon in her Gorgonian chariot. + +"Mr. Scully," said she, popping her head out of window and smiling +in a most engaging way, "I want to speak to you, on something very +particular INDEED"--and she held him out her hand. Scully pressed +it most tenderly: he hoped all heads in Bedford Row were at the +windows to see him. "I can't ask you into the carriage, for you see +the governess is with me, and I want to talk secrets to you." + +"Shall I go and make a little promenade?" said mademoiselle, +innocently. And her mistress hated her for that speech. + +"No. Mr. Scully, I am sure, will let me come in for five minutes?" + +Mr. Scully was only too happy. My Lady descended and walked +upstairs, leaning on the happy solicitor's arm. But how should he +manage? The front room was consecrated to clerks; there were clerks +too, as ill-luck would have it, in his private room. "Perkins is +out for the day," thought Scully; "I will take her into his room." +And into Perkins's room he took her--ay, and he shut the double +doors after him too, and trembled as he thought of his own +happiness. + +"What a charming little study," said Lady Gorgon, seating herself. +And indeed it was very pretty: for Perkins had furnished it +beautifully, and laid out a neat tray with cakes, a cold fowl, and +sherry, to entertain his party withal. "And do you bachelors always +live so well?" continued she, pointing to the little cold collation. + +Mr. Scully looked rather blank when he saw it, and a dreadful +suspicion crossed his soul; but there was no need to trouble Lady +Gorgon with explanations: therefore, at once, and with much +presence of mind, he asked her to partake of his bachelor's fare +(she would refuse Mr. Scully nothing that day). A pretty sight +would it have been for young Perkins to see strangers so +unceremoniously devouring his feast. She drank--Mr. Scully +drank--and so emboldened was he by the draught that he actually +seated himself by the side of Lady Gorgon, on John Perkins's new +sofa. + +Her Ladyship had of course something to say to him. She was a pious +woman, and had suddenly conceived a violent wish for building a +chapel of ease at Oldborough, to which she entreated him to +subscribe. She enlarged upon the benefits that the town would +derive from it, spoke of Sunday-schools, sweet spiritual +instruction, and the duty of all well-minded persons to give aid to +the scheme. + +"I will subscribe a hundred pounds," said Scully, at the end of her +Ladyship's harangue: "would I not do anything for you?" + +"Thank you, thank you, dear Mr. Scully," said the enthusiastic +woman. (How the "dear" went burning through his soul!) "Ah!" +added she, "if you WOULD but do anything for me--if you, who are so +eminently, so truly distinguished, in a religious point of view, +would but see the truth in politics too; and if I could see your +name among those of the true patriot party in this empire, how +blest--oh! how blest should I be! Poor Sir George often says he +should go to his grave happy, could he but see you the guardian of +his boy; and I, your old friend (for we WERE friends, William), how +have I wept to think of you as one of those who are bringing our +monarchy to ruin. Do, do promise me this too!" And she took his +hand and pressed it between hers. + +The heart of William Pitt Scully, during this speech, was thumping +up and down with a frightful velocity and strength. His old love, +the agency of the Gorgon property--the dear widow--five thousand a +year clear--a thousand delicious hopes rushed madly through his +brain, and almost took away his reason. And there she sat--she, the +loved one, pressing his hand and looking softly into his eyes. + +Down, down he plumped on his knees. + +"Juliana!" shrieked he, "don't take away your hand! My love--my +only love!--speak but those blessed words again! Call me William +once more, and do with me what you will." + +Juliana cast down her eyes and said, in the very smallest type, +"William!" + + * * * + +--when the door opened, and in walked Mr. Crampton, leading Mrs. +Biggs, who could hardly contain herself for laughing, and Mr. John +Perkins, who was squeezing the arm of Miss Lucy. They had heard +every word of the two last speeches. + +For at the very moment when Lady Gorgon had stopped at Mr. Scully's +door, the four above-named individuals had issued from Great James +Street into Bedford Row. + +Lucy cried out that it was her aunt's carriage, and they all saw Mr. +Scully come out, bare-headed, in the sunshine, and my Lady descend, +and the pair go into the house. They meanwhile entered by Mr. +Perkins's own private door, and had been occupied in examining the +delightful rooms on the ground-floor, which were to be his +dining-room and library--from which they ascended a stair to visit +the other two rooms, which were to form Mrs. John Perkins's drawing- +room and bedroom. Now whether it was that they trod softly, or that +the stairs were covered with a grand new carpet and drugget, as was +the case, or that the party within were too much occupied in +themselves to heed any outward disturbances, I know not; but Lucy, +who was advancing with John (he was saying something about one of +the apartments, the rogue!)--Lucy started and whispered, "There is +somebody in the rooms!" and at that instant began the speech already +reported, "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, DEAR MR. SCULLY," etc. etc., which +was delivered by Lady Gorgon in a full clear voice; for, to do her +Ladyship justice, SHE had not one single grain of love for Mr. +Scully, and during the delivery of her little oration, was as cool +as the coolest cucumber. + +Then began the impassioned rejoinder, to which the four listened on +the landing-place; and then the little "William," as narrated above: +at which juncture Mr. Crampton thought proper to rattle at the door, +and, after a brief pause, to enter with his party. + +"William" had had time to bounce off his knees, and was on a chair +at the other end of the room. + +"What, Lady Gorgon!" said Mr. Crampton, with excellent surprise, +"how delighted I am to see you! Always, I see employed in works of +charity" (the chapel-of-ease paper was on her knees), "and on such +an occasion, too,--it is really the most wonderful coincidence! My +dear madam, here is a silly fellow, a nephew of mine, who is going +to marry a silly girl, a niece of your own." + +"Sir, I--" began Lady Gorgon, rising. + +"They heard every word," whispered Mr. Crampton eagerly. "Come +forward, Mr. Perkins, and show yourself." Mr. Perkins made a +genteel bow. "Miss Lucy, please to shake hands with your aunt; and +this, my dear madam, is Mrs. Biggs, of Mecklenburgh Square, who, if +she were not too old, might marry a gentleman in the Treasury, who +is your very humble servant." And with this gallant speech, old Mr. +Crampton began helping everybody to sherry and cake. + +As for William Pitt Scully, he had disappeared, evaporated, in the +most absurd sneaking way imaginable. Lady Gorgon made good her +retreat presently, with much dignity, her countenance undismayed, +and her face turned resolutely to the foe. + + * * * + +About five days afterwards, that memorable contest took place in the +House of Commons, in which the partisans of Mr. Macabaw were so very +nearly getting him the Speakership. On the day that the report of +the debate appeared in the Times, there appeared also an +announcement in the Gazette as follows:-- + +"The King has been pleased to appoint John Perkins, Esquire, to be +Deputy-Subcomptroller of His Majesty's Tape Office and Custos of the +Sealing-Wax Department." + +Mr. Crampton showed this to his nephew with great glee, and was +chuckling to think how Mr. William Pitt Scully would be annoyed, who +had expected the place, when Perkins burst out laughing and said, +"By heavens, here is my own speech! Scully has spoken every word of +it; he has only put in Mr. Pincher's name in the place of Mr. +Macabaw's." + +"He is ours now," responded his uncle, "and I told you WE WOULD HAVE +HIM FOR NOTHING. I told you, too, that you should be married from +Sir George Gorgon's, and here is proof of it." + +It was a letter from Lady Gorgon, in which she said that, "had she +known Mr. Perkins to be a nephew of her friend Mr. Crampton, she +never for a moment would have opposed his marriage with her niece, +and she had written that morning to her dear Lucy, begging that the +marriage breakfast should take place in Baker Street." + +"It shall be in Mecklenburgh Square," said John Perkins stoutly; and +in Mecklenburgh Square it was. + +William Pitt Scully, Esquire, was, as Mr. Crampton said, hugely +annoyed at the loss of the place for his nephew. He had still, +however, his hopes to look forward to, but these were unluckily +dashed by the coming in of the Whigs. As for Sir George Gorgon, +when he came to ask about his peerage, Hawksby told him that they +could not afford to lose him in the Commons, for a Liberal Member +would infallibly fill his place. + +And now that the Tories are out and the Whigs are in, strange to say +a Liberal does fill his place. This Liberal is no other than Sir +George Gorgon himself, who is still longing to be a lord, and his +lady is still devout and intriguing. So that the Members for +Oldborough have changed sides, and taunt each other with apostasy, +and hate each other cordially. Mr. Crampton still chuckles over the +manner in which he tricked them both, and talks of those five +minutes during which he stood on the landing-place, and hatched and +executed his "Bedford-Row Conspiracy." + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext The Bedford-Row Conspiracy, by Thackeray + |