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+ The Project Gutenberg eBook of Old Fogy, His Musical Opinions And Grotesques, by James Huneker.
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Old Fogy, by James Huneker
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Old Fogy
+ His Musical Opinions and Grotesques
+
+Author: James Huneker
+
+Release Date: December 19, 2006 [EBook #20139]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD FOGY ***
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+
+
+
+<h1>OLD FOGY</h1>
+<h2>HIS MUSICAL OPINIONS <br />
+AND GROTESQUES</h2>
+
+<h3>With an Introduction
+and Edited</h3>
+
+<h4>BY</h4>
+<h2>JAMES HUNEKER</h2>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 158px;">
+<img src="images/001.png" width="158" height="118" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<center>THEODORE PRESSER CO.<br />
+1712 Chestnut Street Philadelphia<br />
+London, Weekes &amp; Co.<br /></center>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<center>Copyright, 1913, by <span class="smcap">Theodore Presser Co.</span></center>
+<br />
+<center>International Copyright Secured.</center>
+<br />
+<center>Third Printing, 1923</center>.
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<center>These Musical Opinions and Grotesques<br />
+are dedicated to</center><br />
+
+<center>RAFAEL JOSEFFY</center><br />
+
+<center>Whose beautiful art was ever a source of<br />
+delight to his fellow-countryman,</center><br />
+
+<center>OLD FOGY</center><br />
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h3><a name="INTRODUCTION" id="INTRODUCTION"></a>INTRODUCTION</h3>
+
+
+<p>My friend the publisher has asked me to tell you what I know about Old
+Fogy, whose letters aroused much curiosity and comment when they
+appeared from time to time in the columns of <span class="smcap">The Etude</span>. I confess I do
+this rather unwillingly. When I attempted to assemble my memories of the
+eccentric and irascible musician I found that, despite his enormous
+volubility and surface-frankness, the old gentleman seldom allowed us
+more than a peep at his personality. His was the expansive temperament,
+or, to employ a modern phrase, the dynamic temperament. Antiquated as
+were his modes of thought, he would bewilder you with an excursion into
+latter-day literature, and like a rift of light in a fogbank you then
+caught a gleam of an entirely different mentality. One day I found him
+reading a book by the French writer Huysmans, dealing with new art. And
+he confessed to me that he admired Hauptmann's <i>Hannele</i>, though he
+despised the same dramatist's <i>Weavers</i>. The truth is that no human
+being is made all of a piece; we are, mentally at least, more of a
+mosaic than we believe.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span>
+Let me hasten to negative the report that I was ever a pupil of Old
+Fogy. To be sure, I did play for him once a paraphrase of <i>The Maiden's
+Prayer</i> (in double tenths by Dogowsky), but he laughed so heartily that
+I feared apoplexy, and soon stopped. The man really existed. There are a
+score of persons alive in Philadelphia today who still remember him and
+could call him by his name&mdash;formerly an impossible Hungarian one, with
+two or three syllables lopped off at the end, and for family reasons not
+divulged here. He assented that he was a fellow-pupil of Liszt's under
+the beneficent, iron rule of Carl Czerny. But he never looked his age.
+Seemingly seventy, a very vital threescore-and-ten, by the way, he was
+as light on his feet as were his fingers on the keyboard. A linguist,
+speaking without a trace of foreign accent three or four tongues, he was
+equally fluent in all. Once launched in an argument there was no
+stopping him. Nor was he an agreeable opponent. Torrents and cataracts
+of words poured from his mouth.</p>
+
+<p>He pretended to hate modern music, but, as you will note after reading
+his opinions, collected for the first time in this volume, he very often
+contradicts himself. He abused Bach, then used the <i>Well-tempered
+Clavichord</i> as a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span>weapon of offense wherewith to pound Liszt and
+the <i>Lisztianer</i>. He attacked Wagner and Wagnerism with inappeasable
+fury, but I suspect that he was secretly much impressed by several of
+the music-dramas, particularly <i>Die Meistersinger</i>. As for his severe
+criticism of metropolitan orchestras, that may be set down to provincial
+narrowness; certainly, he was unfair to the Philharmonic Society.
+Therefore, I don't set much store on his harsh judgments of Tchaikovsky,
+Richard Strauss, and other composers. He insisted on the superiority of
+Chopin's piano music above all others; nevertheless he devoted more time
+to Hummel, and I can personally vouch that he adored the slightly banal
+compositions of the worthy Dussek. It is quite true that he named his
+little villa on the Wissahickon Creek after Dussek.</p>
+
+<p>Nourished by the romantic writers of the past century, especially by
+Hoffmann and his fantastic <i>Kreisleriana</i>, their influence upon the
+writing of Old Fogy is not difficult to detect. He loved the fantastic,
+the bizarre, the grotesque&mdash;for the latter quality he endured the
+literary work of Berlioz, hating all the while his music. And this is a
+curious crack in his mental make-up; his admiration for the exotic in
+literature and his abhorrence of the same quality when it
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>manifested
+itself in tone. I never entirely understood Old Fogy. In one evening he
+would flash out a dozen contradictory opinions. Of his sincerity I have
+no doubt; but he was one of those natures that are sincere only for the
+moment. He might fume at Schumann and call him a vanishing star, and
+then he would go to the piano and play the first few pages of the
+glorious A minor concerto most admirably. How did he play? Not in an
+extraordinary manner. Solidly schooled, his technical attainments were
+only of a respectable order; but when excited he revealed traces of a
+higher virtuosity than was to have been expected. I recall his series of
+twelve historical recitals, in which he practically explored all
+pianoforte literature from Alkan to Zarembski. These recitals were
+privately given in the presence of a few friends. Old Fogy played all
+the concertos, sonatas, studies and minor pieces worth while. His touch
+was dry, his style neat. A pianist made, not born, I should say.</p>
+
+<p>He was really at his best when he unchained his fancy. His musical
+grotesques are a survival from the Hoffmann period, but written so as to
+throw an ironic light upon the artistic tendencies of our time. Need I
+add that he did not care for the vaporous tonal experiments of
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>Debussy
+and the new school! But then he was an indifferent critic and an
+enthusiastic advocate.</p>
+
+<p>He never played in public to my knowledge, nor within the memory of any
+man alive today. He was always vivacious, pugnacious, hardly sagacious.
+He would sputter with rage if you suggested that he was aged enough to
+be called "venerable." How old was he&mdash;for he died suddenly last
+September at his home somewhere in southeastern Europe? I don't know.
+His grandson, a man already well advanced in years, wouldn't or couldn't
+give me any precise information, but, considering that he was an
+intimate of the early Liszt, I should say that Old Fogy was born in the
+years 1809 or 1810. No one will ever dispute these dates, as was the
+case with Chopin, for Old Fogy will be soon forgotten. It is due to the
+pious friendship of the publisher that these opinions are bound between
+covers. They are the record of a stubborn, prejudiced, well-trained
+musician and well-read man, one who was not devoid of irony. Indeed, I
+believe he wrote much with his tongue in his cheek. But he was a
+stimulating companion, boasted a perverse funny-bone and a profound
+sense of the importance of being Old Fogy. And this is all I know about
+the man.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: 37em;"><span class="smcap">James Huneker.</span></span></p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<h2>I</h2>
+
+<h3>OLD FOGY IS PESSIMISTIC</h3>
+
+
+<p>Once every twelve months, to be precise, as
+the year dies and the sap sinks in my old
+veins, my physical and psychologic&mdash;isn't
+that the new-fangled way of putting it?&mdash;barometer
+sinks; in sympathy with Nature I suppose.
+My corns ache, I get gouty, and my prejudices
+swell like varicose veins.</p>
+
+<p>Errors! Yes, errors! The word is not polite,
+nor am I in a mood of politeness. I consider such
+phrases as the "progress of art," the "improvement
+of art" and "higher average of art" distinctly
+and harmfully misleading. I haven't the
+leisure just now to demonstrate these mistaken
+propositions, but I shall write a few sentences.</p>
+
+<p>How can art improve? Is art a something, an
+organism capable of "growing up" into maturity?
+If it is, by the same token it can grow old, can
+become a doddering, senile thing, and finally die
+and be buried with all the honors due its long,
+useful life. It was Henrik Ibsen who said that
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>
+then it rotted into error. Now, isn't all this talk
+of artistic improvement as fallacious as the vicious
+reasoning of the Norwegian dramatist?
+Otherwise Bach would be dead; Beethoven, middle-aged;
+Mozart, senile. What, instead, is the
+health of these three composers? Have you a
+gayer, blither, more youthful scapegrace writing
+today than Mozart? Is there a man among the
+moderns more virile, more passionately earnest
+or noble than Beethoven? Bach, of the three,
+seems the oldest; yet his <i>C-sharp major Prelude</i>
+belies his years. On the contrary, the <i>Well-tempered
+Clavichord</i> grows younger with time.
+It is the Book of Eternal Wisdom. It is the
+Fountain of Eternal Youth.</p>
+
+<p>As a matter of cold, hard fact, it is your modern
+who is ancient; the ancients were younger. Consider
+the Greeks and their na&iuml;ve joy in creation!
+The twentieth-century man brings forth his
+works of art in sorrow. His music shows it.
+It is sad, complicated, hysterical and morbid.
+I shan't allude to Chopin, who was neurotic&mdash;another
+empty medical phrase!&mdash;or to Schumann,
+who carried within him the seeds of
+madness; or to Wagner, who was a decadent;
+sufficient for the purposes of my argument to
+mention the names of Liszt, Berlioz, Tchaikovsky
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> and
+Richard Strauss. Some day when
+the weather is wretched, when icicles hang by
+the wall, and "ways be foul" and "foul is fair
+and fair is foul"&mdash;pardon this jumble of Shakespeare!&mdash;I
+shall tell you what I think of the
+blond madman who sets to music crazy philosophies,
+bloody legends, sublime tommy-rot,
+and his friend's poems and pictures. At this
+writing I have neither humor nor space.</p>
+
+<p>As I understand the rank and jargon of modern
+criticism, Berlioz is called the father of modern
+instrumentation. That is, he says nothing in
+his music, but says it magnificently. His orchestration
+covers a multitude of weaknesses
+with a flamboyant cloak of charity. [Now, here
+I go again; I could have just as easily written
+"flaming"; but I, too, must copy Berlioz!]
+He pins haughty, poetic, high-sounding labels
+to his works, and, like Charles Lamb, we sit open-mouthed
+at concerts trying to fill in his big sonorous
+frame with a picture. Your picture is not
+mine, and I'll swear that the young man who
+sits next to me with a silly chin, goggle-eyes and
+cocoanut-shaped head sees as in a fluttering
+mirror the idealized image of a strong-chinned,
+ox-eyed, classic-browed youth, a mixture of
+Napoleon at Saint Helena and Lord Byron invoking
+the Alps to fall upon him. Now, I loathe
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>
+egotism of mankind, all the time slily insinuating
+that it addresses the imagination. What
+fudge! Yes, the imagination of your own
+splendid <i>ego</i> in a white vest [we called them
+waistcoats when I was young], driving an automobile
+down Walnut Street, at noon on a bright
+Spring Sunday. How lofty!</p>
+
+<p>Let us pass to the Hungarian piano-virtuoso
+who posed as a composer. That he lent money
+and thematic ideas to his precious son-in-law,
+Richard Wagner, I do not doubt. But, then,
+beggars must not be choosers, and Liszt gave to
+Wagner mighty poor stuff, musically speaking.
+And I fancy that Wagner liked far better the solid
+cash than the notes of hand! Liszt, I think,
+would have had nothing to say if Berlioz had not
+preceded him. The idea struck him, for he
+was a master of musical snippets, that Berlioz
+was too long-winded, that his symphonies were
+neither fish nor form. What ho! cried Master
+Franz, I'll give them a dose homeopathic. He
+did, and named his prescription a <i>Symphonic
+Poem</i> or, rather, <i>Po&eacute;me Symphonique</i>, which is
+not quite the same thing. Nothing tickles the
+vanity of the groundlings like this sort of verbal
+fireworks. "It leaves so much to the imagination,"
+says the stout man with the twenty-two
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>
+collar and the number six hat. It does. And
+the kind of imagination&mdash;Oh, Lord! Liszt, nothing
+daunted because he couldn't shake out an
+honest throw of a tune from his technical dice-box,
+built his music on so-called themes, claiming
+that in this matter he derived from Bach.
+Not so. Bach's themes were subjects for fugal
+treatment; Liszt's, for symphonic. The parallel
+is not fair. Besides, Daddy Liszt had no melodic
+invention. Bach had. Witness his chorals,
+his masses, his oratorios! But the Berlioz ball
+had to be kept a-rolling; the formula was too
+easy; so Liszt named his poems, named his
+notes, put dog-collars on his harmonies&mdash;and
+yet no one whistled after them. Is it any
+wonder?</p>
+
+<p>Tchaikovsky studied Liszt with one eye; the
+other he kept on Bellini and the Italians. What
+might have happened if he had been one-eyed
+I cannot pretend to say. In love with lush,
+sensuous melody, attracted by the gorgeous
+pyrotechnical effects in Berlioz and Liszt and the
+pomposities of Meyerbeer, this Russian, who
+began study too late and being too lazy to work
+hard, manufactured a number of symphonic
+poems. To them he gave strained, fantastic
+names&mdash;names meaningless and pretty&mdash;and, as
+he was short-winded contrapuntally, he wrote
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>
+his so-called instrumental poems shorter than
+Liszt's. He had no symphonic talent, he substituted
+Italian tunes for dignified themes, and
+when the development section came he plastered
+on more sentimental melodies. His sentiment
+is hectic, is unhealthy, is morbid. Tchaikovsky
+either raves or whines like the people in a
+Russian novel. I think the fellow was a bit
+touched in the upper story; that is, I did until I
+heard the compositions of R. Strauss, of Munich.
+What misfit music for such a joyous name, a
+name evocative of all that is gay, refined, witty,
+sparkling, and spontaneous in music! After
+Mozart give me Strauss&mdash;Johann, however, not
+Richard!</p>
+
+<p>No longer the wheezings, gaspings, and short-breathed
+phrases of Liszt; no longer the evil
+sensuality, loose construction, formlessness, and
+drunken peasant dances of Tchaikovsky; but a
+blending of Wagner, Brahms, Liszt&mdash;and the
+classics. Oh, Strauss, Richard, knows his
+business! He is a skilled writer. He has his
+chamber-music moments, his lyric outbursts;
+his early songs are sometimes singable; it is
+his perverse, vile orgies of orchestral music that
+I speak of. No sane man ever erected such a
+mad architectural scheme. He should be penned
+behind the bars of his own mad music. He has
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>
+no melody. He loves ugly noises. He writes
+to distracting lengths; and, worst of all, his
+harmonies are hideous. But he doesn't forget
+to call his monstrosities fanciful names. If it
+isn't <i>Don Juan</i>, it is <i>Don Quixote</i>&mdash;have you
+heard the latter? [O shades of Mozart!] This
+giving his so-called compositions literary titles
+is the plaster for our broken heads&mdash;and ear-drums.
+So much for your three favorite latter-day
+composers.</p>
+
+<p>Now for my <i>Coda</i>! If the art of today has
+made no progress in fugue, song, sonata, symphony,
+quartet, oratorio, opera [who has improved
+on Bach, Handel, Haydn, Mozart, Beethoven,
+Schubert? Name! name! I say], what is
+the use of talking about "the average of today
+being higher"? How higher? You mean more
+people go to concerts, more people enjoy music
+than fifty or a hundred years ago! Do they?
+I doubt it. Of what use huge places of worship
+when the true gods of art are no longer worshiped?
+Numbers prove nothing; the majority
+is not always in the right. I contend that there
+has been no great music made since the death of
+Beethoven; that the multiplication of orchestras,
+singing societies, and concerts are no true sign
+that genuine culture is being achieved. The
+tradition of the classics is lost; we care not for
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>
+the true masters. Modern music making is a
+fashionable fad. People go because they think
+they should. There was more real musical
+feeling, uplifting and sincere, in the Old St.
+Thomaskirche in Leipsic where Bach played
+than in all your modern symphony and oratorio
+machine-made concerts. I'll return to the
+charge again!</p>
+
+<p>
+<span style="margin-left: 17em;"><span class="smcap">Dussek Villa-on-Wissahickon,</span></span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 23em;"><span class="smcap">Near Manayunk, Pa.</span></span><br />
+</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>II</h2>
+
+<h3>OLD FOGY GOES ABROAD</h3>
+
+
+<p>Before I went to Bayreuth I had always
+believed that some magic spell rested
+upon the Franconian hills like a musical
+benison; some mystery of art, atmosphere, and
+individuality evoked by the place, the tradition,
+the people. How sadly I was disappointed I
+propose to tell you, prefacing all by remarking
+that in Philadelphia, dear old, dusty Philadelphia,
+situated near the confluence of the Delaware
+and Schuylkill, I have listened to better representations
+of the <i>Ring</i> and <i>Die Meistersinger</i>.</p>
+
+<p>It is just thirty years since I last visited
+Germany. Before the Franco-Prussian War there
+was an air of sweetness, homeliness, an old-fashioned
+peace in the land. The swaggering
+conqueror, the arrogant Berliner type of all
+that is unpleasant, <i>modern</i> and insolent now
+overruns Germany. The ingenuousness, the
+<i>na&iuml;ve</i> quality that made dear the art of the Fatherland,
+has disappeared. In its place is smartness,
+flippancy, cynicism, unbelief, and the critical
+faculty developed to the pathological point.
+I thought of Schubert, and sighed in the presence
+of all this wit and savage humor. Bayreuth
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span>
+is full of <i>doctrinaires</i>. They eagerly dispute
+Wagner's meanings, and my venerable
+notions of the <i>Ring</i> were not only sneered at,
+but, to be quite frank with you, dissipated into
+thin, metaphysical smoke.</p>
+
+<p>In 1869 I fancied Reinecke a decent composer,
+Schopenhauer remarkable, if somewhat bitter
+in his philosophic attitude towards life. Reinecke
+is now a mere ghost of a ghost, a respectable
+memory of Leipsic, whilst Schopenhauer has
+been brutally elbowed out of his niche by his
+former follower, Nietzsche. In every <i>caf&eacute;</i>, in
+every summer-garden I sought I found groups
+of young men talking heatedly about Nietzsche,
+and the Over-Man, the <i>Uebermensch</i>, to be
+quite German. I had, in the innocence of my
+Wissahickon soul, supposed Schopenhauer Wagner's
+favorite philosopher. Mustering up my
+best German, somewhat worn from disuse, I
+gave speech to my views, after the manner of a
+garrulous old man who hates to be put on the
+shelf before he is quite disabled.</p>
+
+<p><i>Ach!</i> but I caught it, <i>ach!</i> but I was pulverized
+and left speechless by these devotees of the
+Hammer-philosopher, Nietzsche. I was told
+that Wagner was a fairly good musician, although
+no inventor of themes. He had evolved no new
+melodies, but his knowledge of harmony, above
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>
+all, his <i>constructive</i> power, were his best recommendations.
+As for his abilities as a dramatic
+poet, absurd! His metaphysics were green with
+age, his theories as to the syntheses of the arts
+silly and impracticable, while his Schopenhauerism,
+pessimism, and the rest sheer dead
+weights that were slowly but none the less surely
+strangling his music. When I asked how this
+change of heart came about, how all that I had
+supposed that went to the making of the Bayreuth
+theories was exploded moonshine, I was
+curtly reminded of Nietzsche.</p>
+
+<p>Nietzsche again, always this confounded
+Nietzsche, who, mad as a hatter at Naumburg,
+yet contrives to hypnotize the younger generation
+with his crazy doctrines of force, of the great
+Blond Barbarian, of the Will to Destroy&mdash;infinitely
+more vicious than the Will to Live&mdash;and
+the inherent immorality of Wagner's music.
+I came to Bayreuth to criticize; I go away praying,
+praying for the mental salvation of his new
+expounders, praying that this poisonous nonsense
+will not reach us in America. But it will.</p>
+
+<p>The charm of this little city is the high price
+charged for everything. A stranger is "spotted"
+at once and he is the prey of the townspeople.
+Beer, carriages, food, pictures, music, busts,
+books, rooms, nothing is cheap. I've been all
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>
+over, saw Wagner's tomb, looked at the outside
+of <i>Wahnfried</i> and the inside of the theater. I
+have seen Siegfried Wagner&mdash;who can't conduct
+one-quarter as well as our own Walter Damrosch&mdash;walking
+up and down the streets, a tin demi-god,
+a reduced octavo edition of his father bound
+in cheap calf. Worse still, I have heard the
+young man try to conduct, try to hold that mighty
+Bayreuth orchestra in leash, and with painful
+results. Not one firm, clanging chord could he
+extort; all were more or less arpeggioed, and as
+for climax&mdash;there was none.</p>
+
+<p>I have sat in Sammett's garden, which was
+once Angermann's, famous for its company,
+kings, composers, poets, wits, and critics, all
+mingling there in discordant harmony. Now it
+is overrun by Cook's tourists in bicycle costumes,
+irreverent, chattering, idle, and foolish. Even
+Wagner has grown gray and the <i>Ring</i> sounded
+antique to me, so strong were the disturbing
+influences of my environment.</p>
+
+<p>The bad singing by ancient Teutons&mdash;for the
+most part&mdash;was to blame for this. Certainly
+when Walhall had succumbed to the flames and
+the primordial Ash-Tree sunk in the lapping
+waters of the treacherous Rhine, I felt that the
+end of the universe was at hand and it was
+with a sob I saw outside in the soft, summer-sky,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>
+riding gallantly in the blue, the full moon. It
+was the only young thing in the world at that
+moment, this burnt-out servant planet of ours,
+and I gazed at it long and fondly, for it recalled
+the romance of my student years, my love of
+Schumann's poetic music and other illusions of
+a vanished past. In a word, I had again surrendered
+to the sentimental spell of Germany,
+Germany by night, and with my heart full I descended
+from the terrace, walked slowly down
+the arbored avenue to Sammett's garden and
+there sat, mused and&mdash;smoked my Yankee pipe.
+I realize that I am, indeed, an old man ready for
+that shelf the youngsters provide for the superannuated
+and those who disagree with them.</p>
+
+<p>I had all but forgotten the performances.
+They were, as I declared at the outset, far from
+perfect, far from satisfactory. The <i>Ring</i> was
+depressing. Rosa Sucher, who visited us some
+years ago, was a flabby <i>Sieglinde</i>. The <i>Siegmund</i>,
+Herr Burgstalles, a lanky, awkward
+young fellow from over the hills somewhere.
+He was sad. Ernst Kraus, an old acquaintance,
+was a familiar <i>Siegfried</i>. Demeter Popovici
+you remember with Damrosch, also Hans
+Greuer. Van Rooy's <i>Wotan</i> was supreme.
+It was the one pleasant memory of Bayreuth,
+that and the moon. Gadski was not an ideal
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>
+<i>Eva</i> in <i>Meistersinger</i>, while Demuth was an excellent
+<i>Hans Sachs</i>. The <i>Br&uuml;nnhilde</i> was Ellen
+Gulbranson, a Scandinavian. She was an heroic
+icicle that Wagner himself could not melt.
+Schumann-Heink, as <i>Magdalene</i> in <i>Meistersinger</i>,
+was simply grotesque. Van Rooy's <i>Walther</i>
+I missed. Hans Richter conducted my
+favorite of the Wagner music dramas, the
+touching and pathetic Nuremberg romance, and,
+to my surprise, went to sleep over the <i>tempi</i>. He
+has the technique of the conductor, but the
+elbow-grease was missing. He too is old, but
+better one aged Richter than a caveful of spry
+Siegfried Wagners!</p>
+
+<p>I shan't bother you any more as to details.
+Bayreuth is full of ghosts&mdash;the very trees on the
+terrace whisper the names of Liszt and Wagner&mdash;but
+Madame Cosima is running the establishment
+for all there is in it financially&mdash;excuse my
+slang&mdash;and so Bayreuth is deteriorating. I saw
+her, Liszt's daughter, von B&uuml;low, and Wagner's
+wife&mdash;or rather widow&mdash;and her gaunt frame,
+strong if angular features, gave me the sight of
+another ghost from the past. Ghosts, ghosts,
+the world is getting old and weary, and astride
+of it just now is the pessimist Nietzsche, who,
+disguised as a herculean boy, is deceiving his
+worshippers with the belief that he is young and
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>
+a preacher of the joyful doctrines of youth. Be
+not deceived, he is but another veiled prophet.
+His mask is that of a grinning skeleton, his words
+are bitter with death and deceit.</p>
+
+<p>I stopped over at Nuremberg and at a chamber
+concert heard Schubert's quintet for piano and
+strings, <i>Die Forelle</i>&mdash;and although I am no
+trout fisher, the sweet, boyish loquacity, the pure
+music made my heart glad and I wept.</p>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>III</h2>
+
+<h3>THE WAGNER CRAZE</h3>
+
+
+<p>The new century is at hand&mdash;I am not one
+of those chronologically stupid persons
+who believes that we are now in it&mdash;and
+tottering as I am on its brink, the brink of
+my grave, and of all born during 1900, it might
+prove interesting as well as profitable for me to
+review my musical past. I hear the young folks
+cry aloud: "Here comes that garrulous old chap
+again with his car-load of musty reminiscences!
+Even if Old Fogy did study with Hummel, is
+that any reason why we should be bored by the
+fact? How can a skeleton in the closet tell us
+anything valuable about contemporary music?"</p>
+
+<p>To this youthful wail&mdash;and it is a real one&mdash;I
+can raise no real objection. I am an Old Fogy;
+but I know it. That marks the difference between
+other old fogies and myself. Some
+English wit recently remarked that the sadness
+of old age in a woman is because her face changes;
+but the sad part of old age in a man is that his
+mind does not change. Well, I admit we septuagenarians
+are set in our ways. We have lived
+our lives, felt, suffered, rejoiced, and perhaps
+grown a little tolerant, a little apathetic. The
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>
+young people call it cynical; yet it is not cynicism&mdash;only
+a large charity for the failings, the shortcomings
+of others. So what I am about to say
+in this letter must not be set down as either
+garrulity or senile cynicism. It is the result
+of a half-century of close observation, and, young
+folks, let me tell you that in fifty years much
+music has gone through the orifices of my ears;
+many artistic reputations made and lost!</p>
+
+<p>I repeat, I have witnessed the rise and fall of
+so many musical dynasties; have seen men like
+Wagner emerge from northern mists and die in
+the full glory of a reverberating sunset. And
+I have also remarked that this same Richard the
+Actor touched his apogee fifteen years ago and
+more. Already signs are not wanting which
+show that Wagner and Wagnerism is on the decline.
+As Swinburne said of Walt Whitman:
+"A reformer&mdash;but not founder." This holds
+good of Wagner, who closed a period and did
+not begin a new one. In a word, Wagner was a
+theater musician, one cursed by a craze for public
+applause&mdash;and shekels&mdash;and knowing his public,
+gave them more operatic music than any Italian
+who ever wrote for barrel-organ fame. Wagner
+became popular, the rage; and today his music,
+grown stale in Germany, is being fervently
+imitated, nay, burlesqued, by the neo-Italian
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>
+school. Come, is it not a comical situation, this
+swapping of themes among the nations, this
+picking and stealing of styles? And let me tell
+you that of all the Robber Barons of music,
+Wagner was the worst. He laid hands on every
+score, classical or modern, that he got hold of.</p>
+
+<p>But I anticipate; I put the <i>coda</i> before the dog.
+When <i>Rienzi</i> appeared none of us were deceived.
+We recognized our Meyerbeer disfigured
+by clumsy, heavy German treatment.
+Wagner had been to the opera in Paris and knew
+his Meyerbeer; but even Wagner could not distance
+Meyerbeer. He had not the melodic
+invention, the orchestral tact, or the dramatic
+sense&mdash;at that time. Being a born mimicker of
+other men, a very German in industry, and a
+great egotist, he began casting about for other
+models. He soon found one, the greatest of all
+for his purpose. It was Weber&mdash;that same
+Weber for whose obsequies Wagner wrote some
+funeral music, not forgetting to use a theme from
+the <i>Euryanthe</i> overture. Weber was to Wagner
+a veritable Golconda. From this diamond mine
+he dug out tons of precious stones; and some of
+them he used for <i>The Flying Dutchman</i>. We
+all saw then what a parody on Weber was this
+pretentious opera, with its patches of purple, its
+stale choruses, its tiresome recitatives. The
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>
+latter Wagner fondly imagined were but prolonged
+melodies. Already in his active, but
+musically-barren brain, theories were seething.
+"How to compose operas without music" might
+be the title of all his prose theoretical works.
+Not having a tail, this fox, therefore, solemnly
+argued that tails were useless appanages. You
+remember your &AElig;sop! Instead of melodic
+inspiration, themes were to be used. Instead
+of broad, flowing, but intelligible themes, a mongrel
+breed of recitative and <i>parlando</i> was to
+take their place.</p>
+
+<p>It was all very clever, I grant you, for it threw
+dust in the public eye&mdash;and the public likes to
+have its eyes dusted, especially if the dust is
+fine and flattering. Wagner proceeded to make
+it so by labeling his themes, leading motives.
+Each one meant something. And the Germans,
+the vainest race in Europe, rose like catfish to the
+bait. Wagner, in effect, told them that his
+music required brains&mdash;Aha! said the German,
+he means <i>me</i>; that his music was not cheap,
+pretty, and sensual, but spiritual, lofty, ideal&mdash;Oho!
+cried the German, he means <i>me</i> again. I
+am ideal. And so the game went merrily on.
+Being the greatest egotist that ever lived, Wagner
+knew that this music could not make its way
+without a violent polemic, without extraneous
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>
+advertising aids. So he made a big row; became
+socialist, agitator, exile. He dragged into
+his music and the discussion of it, art, politics,
+literature, philosophy, and religion. It is a well-known
+fact that this humbugging comedian had
+written the <i>Ring of the Nibelungs</i> before he absorbed
+the Schopenhauerian doctrines, and then
+altered the entire scheme so as to imbue&mdash;forsooth!&mdash;his
+music with pessimism.</p>
+
+<p>Nor was there ever such folly, such arrant
+"faking" as this! What has philosophy, religion,
+politics to do with operatic music? It cannot express
+any one of them. Wagner, clever charlatan,
+knew this, so he worked the leading-motive
+game for all it was worth. Realizing the indefinite
+nature of music, he gave to his themes&mdash;most
+of them borrowed without quotation marks&mdash;such
+titles as Love-Death; Presentiment of
+Death; Cooking motive&mdash;in <i>Siegfried</i>; Compact
+theme, etc., etc. The list is a lengthy one. And
+when taxed with originating all this futile child's-play
+he denied that he had named his themes.
+Pray, then, who did? Did von Wolzogen? Did
+Tappert? They worked directly under his direction,
+put forth the musical lures and decoys and
+the ignorant public was easily bamboozled.
+Simply mention the esoteric, the mysterious
+omens, signs, dark designs, and magical symbols,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span>
+and you catch a certain class of weak-minded
+persons.</p>
+
+<p>Wagner knew this; knew that the theater, with
+its lights, its scenery, its costumes, orchestra,
+and vocalizing, was the place to hoodwink the
+"cultured" classes. Having a pretty taste in
+digging up old fables and love-stories, he saturated
+them with mysticism and far-fetched musical
+motives. If <i>The Flying Dutchman</i> is absurd in
+its story&mdash;what possible interest can we take in
+the <i>Salvation</i> of an idiotic mariner, who doesn't
+know how to navigate his ship, much less a wife?&mdash;what
+is to be said of <i>Lohengrin</i>? This cheap
+Italian music, sugar-coated in its sensuousness,
+the awful borrowings from Weber, Marschner,
+Beethoven, and Gluck&mdash;and the story! It is
+called "mystic." Why? Because it is <i>not</i>, I
+suppose. What puerile trumpery is that refusal
+of a man to reveal his name! And <i>Elsa</i>! Why
+not Lot's wife, whose curiosity turned her into a
+salt trust!</p>
+
+<p>You may notice just here what the Wagnerians
+are pleased to call the Master's "second" manner.
+Rubbish! It is a return to the Italians. It is a
+graft of glistening Italian sensuality upon Wagner's
+strenuous study of Beethoven's and
+Weber's orchestras. <i>Tannh&auml;user</i> is more manly
+in its fiber. But the style, the mixture of styles;
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>
+the lack of organic unity, the blustering orchestration,
+and the execrable voice-killing vocal
+writing! The <i>Ring</i> is an amorphous impossibility.
+That is now critically admitted. It
+ruins voices, managers, the public purse, and
+our patience. Its stories are indecent, blasphemous,
+silly, absurd, trivial, tiresome. To
+talk of the <i>Ring</i> and Beethoven's symphonies is
+to put wind and wisdom in the same category.
+Wagner vulgarized Beethoven's symphonic methods&mdash;noticeably
+his powers of development.
+Think of utilizing that magnificent and formidable
+engine, the Beethoven symphonic method,
+to accompany a tinsel tale of garbled Norse
+mythology with all sorts of modern affectations
+and morbidities introduced! It is maddening to
+any student of pure, noble style. Wagner's
+Byzantine style has helped corrupt much modern
+art.</p>
+
+<p><i>Tristan und Isolde</i> is the falsifying of all the
+pet Wagner doctrines&mdash;Ah! that odious, heavy,
+pompous prose of Wagner. In this erotic comedy
+there is no action, nothing happens except at long
+intervals; while the orchestra never stops its
+garrulous symphonizing. And if you prate to
+me of the wonderful Wagner orchestration and
+its eloquence, I shall quarrel with you. Why
+wonderful? It never stops, but does it ever say
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>
+anything? Every theme is butchered to death.
+There is endless repetition in different keys,
+with different instrumental <i>nuances</i>, yet of true,
+intellectual and emotional mood-development
+there is no trace; short-breathed, chippy, choppy
+phrasing, and never ten bars of a big, straightforward
+melody. All this proves that Wagner
+had not the power of sustained thoughts like
+Mozart or Beethoven. And his orchestration,
+with its daubing, its overladen, hysterical color!
+What a humbug is this sensualist, who masks
+his pruriency back of poetic and philosophical
+symbols. But it is always easy to recognize the
+cloven foot. The headache and jaded nerves
+we have after a night with Wagner tell the story.</p>
+
+<p>I admit that <i>Die Meistersinger</i> is healthy.
+Only it is not art. And don't forget, my children,
+that Wagner's prettiest lyrics came from Schubert
+and Schumann. They have all been traced and
+located. I need not insult your intelligence by
+suggesting that the <i>Wotan</i> motive is to be found
+in Schubert's <i>Wanderer</i>. If you wish for the
+<i>Waldweben</i> just go to Spohr's <i>Consecration of
+Tones</i> symphony, first movement. And Weber
+also furnishes a pleasing list, notably the <i>Sword</i>
+motive from the <i>Ring</i>, which may be heard in
+<i>Ocean, Thou Mighty Monster</i>. <i>Parsifal</i> I refuse
+to discuss. It is an outrage against religion,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>
+morals, and music. However, it is not alone
+this plagiarizing that makes Wagner so unendurable
+to me. It is his continual masking as the
+greatest composer of his century, when he was
+only a clever impostor, a theater-man, a wearer
+of borrowed plumage. His influence on music
+has been deplorably evil. He has melodramatized
+the art, introduced in it a species of false,
+theatrical, <i>personal</i> feeling, quite foreign to its
+nature. The symphony, not the stage, is the
+objective of musical art. Wagner&mdash;neither composer
+nor tragedian, but a cunning blend of both&mdash;diverted
+the art to his own uses. A great force?
+Yes, a great force was his, but a dangerous one.
+He never reached the heights, but was always
+posturing behind the foot-lights. And he has
+left no school, no descendants. Like all hybrids,
+he is cursed with sterility. The twentieth
+century will find Wagner out. <i>Nunc Dimittis!</i></p>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>
+<h2>IV</h2>
+
+<h3>IN MOZARTLAND WITH OLD FOGY</h3>
+
+
+<p>The greatest musician the world has yet
+known&mdash;Mozart. The greatest? Yes,
+the greatest; greater than Bach, because
+less studied, less artificial, professional, and
+<i>doctrinaire</i>; greater than Beethoven, because
+Mozart's was a blither, a more serene spirit,
+and a spirit whose eyes had been anointed by
+beauty. Beethoven is not beautiful. He is
+dramatic, powerful, a maker of storms, a subduer
+of tempests; but his speech is the speech of a
+self-centered egotist. He is the father of all
+the modern melomaniacs, who, looking into their
+own souls, write what they see therein&mdash;misery,
+corruption, slighting selfishness, and ugliness.
+Beethoven, I say, was too near Mozart not to
+absorb some of his sanity, his sense of proportion,
+his glad outlook upon life; but the dissatisfied
+peasant in the composer of the <i>Eroica</i>, always
+in revolt, would not allow him tranquillity.
+Now is the fashion for soul hurricanes, these
+confessions of impotent wrath in music.</p>
+
+<p>Beethoven began this fashion; Mozart did not.
+Beethoven had himself eternally in view when he
+wrote. His music mirrors his wretched, though
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>
+profound, soul; it also mirrors many weaknesses.
+I always remember Beethoven and Goethe
+standing side by side as some royal nobody&mdash;I
+forget the name&mdash;went by. Goethe doffed his
+bonnet and stood uncovered, head becomingly
+bowed. Beethoven folded his arms and made no
+obeisance. This anecdote, not an apochryphal
+one, is always hailed as an evidence of Beethoven's
+sturdiness of character, his rank republicanism,
+while Goethe is slightly sniffed at for his
+snobbishness. Yet he was only behaving as a
+gentleman should. If Mozart had been in
+Beethoven's place, how courtly would have been
+the bow of the little, graceful Austrian composer!
+No, Beethoven was a boor, a clumsy one,
+and this quality abides in his music&mdash;for music
+is always the man. Put Beethoven in America
+in the present time and he would have developed
+into a dangerous anarchist. Such a nature
+matures rapidly, and a century might have
+marked the evolution from a despiser of kings
+to a hater of all forms of restrictive government.
+But I'm getting in too deep, even for myself, and
+also far away from my original theme.</p>
+
+<p>Suffice to say that Bach is pedantic when
+compared to Mozart, and Beethoven unbeautiful.
+Some day, and there are portents on the musical
+horizon, some day, I repeat, the reign of beauty
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>
+in art will reassert its sway. Too long has
+Ugly been king, too long have we listened with
+half-cracked ear-drums to the noises of half-cracked
+men. Already the new generation is
+returning to Mozart&mdash;that is, to music for music's
+sake&mdash;to the Beautiful.</p>
+
+<p>I went to Salzburg deliberately. I needed a
+sight of the place, a glimpse of its romantic surroundings,
+to still my old pulse jangled out of
+tune by the horrors of Bayreuth. Yes, the
+truth must out, I went to Bayreuth at the
+express suggestion of my grandson, Old Fogy
+3d, a rip-roaring young blade who writes for a
+daily paper in your city. What he writes I
+know not. I only hope he lets music alone.
+He is supposed to be an authority on foot-ball
+and Russian caviar; his knowledge of the latter
+he acquired, so he says, in the great Thirst Belt
+of the United States. I sincerely hope that
+Philadelphia is not alluded to! I am also
+informed that the lad occasionally goes to concerts!
+Well, he begged me to visit Bayreuth
+just once before I died. We argued the thing
+all last June and July at Dussek Villa&mdash;you
+remember my little lodge up in the wilds of
+Wissahickon!&mdash;and at last was I, a sensible old
+fellow who should have known better, persuaded
+to sail across the sea to a horrible town, crowded
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span>
+with cheap tourists, vulgar with cheap musicians,
+and to hear what? Why, Wagner! There is
+no need of telling you again what I think of <i>him</i>.
+You know! I really think I left home to escape
+the terrible heat, and I am quite sure that I left
+Bayreuth to escape the terrible music. Apart
+from the fact that it was badly sung and played&mdash;who
+ever does play and sing this music well?&mdash;it
+was written by Wagner, and though I am
+not a prejudiced person&mdash;<i>ahem!</i>&mdash;I cannot stand
+noise for noise's sake. Art for art they call it
+nowadays.</p>
+
+<p>I fled Bayreuth. I reached Munich. The
+weather was warm, yet of a delightful balminess.
+I was happy. Had I not got away from Wagner,
+that odious, <i>bourgeois</i> name and man! Munich,
+I argued, is a musical city. It must be, for it is
+the second largest beer-drinking city in Germany.
+Therefore it is given to melody. Besides, I had
+read of Munich's model Mozart performances.
+Here, I cried, here will I revel in a lovely atmosphere
+of art. My German was rather rusty
+since my Weimar days, but I took my accent,
+with my courage, in both hands and asked a
+coachman to drive me to the opera-house.
+Through green and luscious lanes of foliage this
+dumpy, red-faced scoundrel drove; by the
+beautiful Isar, across the magnificent Maximilian
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span>
+bridge over against the classic <i>fa&ccedil;ade</i> of the
+Maximilineum. Twisting tortuously about this
+superb edifice, we tore along another leafy road
+lined on one side by villas, on the other bordered
+by a park. Many carriages by this time had
+joined mine in the chase. What a happy city,
+I reflected, that enjoys its Mozart with such
+unanimity! Turning to the right we went at a
+grand gallop past a villa that I recognized as the
+Villa Stuck from the old pictures I had seen; past
+other palaces until we reached a vast space upon
+which stood a marmoreal pile I knew to be the
+Mozart theater. What a glorious city is Munich,
+to thus honor its Mozart! And the building as I
+neared it resembled, on a superior scale, the
+Bayreuth barn. But this one was of marble,
+granite, gold, and iron. Up to the esplanade, up
+under the massive portico where I gave my
+coachman a tip that made his mean eyes wink.
+Then skirting a big beadle in blue, policemen,
+and loungers, I reached the box-office.</p>
+
+<p>"Have you a stall?" I inquired. "Twenty
+marks" ($5.00), he asked in turn. "Phew!" I
+said aloud: "Mozart comes high, but we must
+have him." So I fetched out my lean purse,
+fished up a gold piece, put it down, and then an
+inspiration overtook me&mdash;I kept one finger on
+the money. "Is it <i>Don Giovanni</i> or <i>Magic</i>
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>
+<i>Flute</i> this afternoon?" I demanded. The man
+stared at me angrily. "What you talk about?
+It is <i>Tristan und Isolde</i>. This is the new
+Wagner theater!" I must have yelled loudly, for
+when I recovered the big beadle was slapping my
+back and urging me earnestly to keep in the open
+air. And that is why I went to Salzburg!</p>
+
+<p>Despite Bayreuth, despite Munich, despite
+Wagner, I was soon happy in the old haunts of
+the man whose music I adore. I went through
+the Mozart collection, saw all the old pictures,
+relics, manuscripts, and I reverently fingered
+the harpsichord, the grand piano of the master.
+Even the piece of "genuine Court Plaister"
+from London, and numbered 42 in the catalogue,
+interested me. After I had read the visitors'
+book, inscribed therein my own humble signature,
+after talking to death the husband and wife
+who act as guardians of these Mozart treasures,
+I visited the Mozart platz and saw the statue,
+saw Mozart's residence, and finally&mdash;bliss of
+bliss&mdash;ascended the <i>Kapuzinberg</i> to the Mozart
+cottage, where the <i>Magic Flute</i> was finished.</p>
+
+<p>Later, several weeks later, when the Wagner
+municipal delirium had passed, I left Salzburg
+with a sad heart and returned to Munich. There
+I was allowed to bathe in Mozart's music and
+become healed. I heard an excellent performance
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>
+of his <i>Cosi Fan Tutti</i> at the <i>Residenztheater</i>,
+an ideal spot for this music. With the
+accompaniment of an orchestra of thirty, more real
+music was made and sung than the whole <i>Ring
+Cycle</i> contains. Some day, after my death,
+without doubt, the world will come back to my
+way of thinking, and purge its eyes in the Pierian
+spring of Mozart, cleanse its vision of all the awful
+sights walled by the dissonantal harmonies of
+Beethoven, Schumann, Wagner, and Richard
+Strauss.</p>
+
+<p>I fear that this letter will enrage my grandson;
+I care not. If he writes, do not waste valuable
+space on his "copy." I inclose a picture of
+Mozart that I picked up in Salzburg. If you
+like it, you have my permission to reproduce it.
+I am here once more in Mozartland!</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>
+<h2>V</h2>
+
+<h3>OLD FOGY DISCUSSES CHOPIN</h3>
+
+
+<p>Since my return from the outskirts of Camden,
+N. J., where I go fishing for planked
+shad in September, I have been busying
+myself with the rearrangement of my musical
+library, truly a delectable occupation for an old
+man. As I passed through my hands the
+various and beloved volumes, worn by usage
+and the passage of the years, I pondered after
+the fashion of one who has more sentiment
+than judgment; I said to myself:</p>
+
+<p>"Come, old fellow, here they are, these
+friends of the past forty years. Here are the
+yellow and bepenciled Bach <i>Preludes and
+Fugues</i>, the precious 'forty-eight'; here are
+the Beethoven Sonatas, every bar of which is
+familiar; here are&mdash;yes, the Mozart, Schubert,
+and Schumann Sonatas [you notice that I am
+beginning to bracket the batches]; here are
+Mendelssohn's works, highly glazed as to technical
+surface, pretty as to sentiment, Bach seen
+through the lorgnette of a refined, thin, narrow
+nature. And here are the Chopin compositions."
+The murder is out&mdash;I have jumped from Bach
+and Beethoven to Chopin without a twinge of
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>
+my critical conscience. Why? I hardly know
+why, except that I was thinking of that mythical
+desert island and the usual idiotic question:
+What composers would you select if you were to
+be marooned on a South Sea Island?&mdash;you know
+the style of question and, alas! the style of
+answer. You may also guess the composers of
+my selection. And the least of the three in the
+last group above named is not Chopin&mdash;Chopin,
+who, as a piano composer pure and simple, still
+ranks his predecessors, his contemporaries, his
+successors.</p>
+
+<p>I am sure that the brilliant Mr. Finck, the
+erudite Mr. Krehbiel, the witty Mr. Henderson,
+the judicial Mr. Aldrich, the phenomenal Philip
+Hale, have told us and will tell us all about Chopin's
+life, his poetry, his technical prowess, his
+capacity as a pedagogue, his reforms, his striking
+use of dance forms. Let me contribute my
+humble and dusty mite; let me speak of a
+Chopin, of the Chopin, of a Chopin&mdash;pardon my
+tedious manner of address&mdash;who has most appealed
+to me since my taste has been clarified
+by long experience. I know that it is customary
+to swoon over Chopin's languorous muse, to
+counterfeit critical raptures when his name is
+mentioned. For this reason I dislike exegetical
+comments on his music. Lives of Chopin from
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>
+Liszt to Niecks, Huneker, Hadow, and the rest
+are either too much given over to dry-as-dust or
+to rhapsody. I am a teacher of the pianoforte,
+that good old keyboard which I know will outlive
+all its mechanical imitators. I have assured you
+of this fact about fifteen years ago, and I expect to
+hammer away at it for the next fifteen years if my
+health and your amiability endure. The Chopin
+music is written for the piano&mdash;a truism!&mdash;so
+why in writing of it are not critics practical?
+It is the practical Chopin I am interested in nowadays,
+not the poetic&mdash;for the latter quality will
+always take care of itself.</p>
+
+<p>Primarily among the practical considerations of
+the Chopin music is the patent fact that only a
+certain section of his music is studied in private
+and played in public. And a very limited section
+it is, as those who teach or frequent piano recitals
+are able to testify. Why should the <i>D-flat
+Valse</i>, <i>E-flat</i> and <i>G minor Nocturnes</i>, the <i>A-flat
+Ballade</i>, the <i>G minor Ballade</i>, the <i>B-flat minor
+Scherzo</i>, the <i>Funeral March</i>, the two <i>G-flat
+Etudes</i>, or, let us add, the <i>C minor</i>, the <i>F minor</i>
+and <i>C-sharp minor studies</i>, the <i>G major</i> and
+<i>D-flat preludes</i>, the <i>A-flat Polonaise</i>&mdash;or, worse
+still, the <i>A major</i> and <i>C-sharp minor Polonaises</i>&mdash;the
+<i>B minor</i>, <i>B-flat major Mazurkas</i>, the
+<i>A-flat</i> and <i>C-sharp minor Impromptus</i>, and last,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>
+though not least, the <i>Berceuse</i>&mdash;why, I insist,
+should this group be selected to the exclusion of
+the rest? for, all told, there is still as good Chopin
+in the list as ever came out of it.</p>
+
+<p>I know we hear and read much about the
+"Heroic Chopin", and the "New Chopin"&mdash;forsooth!&mdash;and
+"Chopin the Conqueror"; also how
+to make up a Chopin program&mdash;which latter inevitably
+recalls to my mind the old <i>crux</i>: how to
+be happy though hungry. [Some forms of this
+conundrum lug in matrimony, a useless intrusion.]
+How to present a program of Chopin's <i>neglected</i>
+masterpieces might furnish matter for afternoon
+lectures now devoted to such negligible musical
+<i>d&eacute;bris</i> as Parsifal's neckties and the chewing gum
+of the flower maidens.</p>
+
+<p>As a matter of fact, the critics are not to blame.
+I have read the expostulations of Mr. Finck
+about the untilled fields of Chopin. Yet his
+favorite Paderewski plays season in and season
+out a selection from the scheme I have just
+given, with possibly a few additions. The most
+versatile&mdash;and&mdash;also delightful&mdash;Chopinist is
+Pachmann. From his very first afternoon recital
+at old Chickering Hall, New York, in 1890,
+he gave a taste of the unfamiliar Chopin. Joseffy,
+thrice wonderful wizard, who has attained to the
+height of a true philosophic Parnassus&mdash;he
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>
+only plays for himself, O wise Son of Light!&mdash;also
+gives at long intervals fleeting visions of the
+unknown Chopin. To Pachmann belongs the
+honor of persistently bringing forward to our
+notice such gems as the <i>Allegro de Concert</i>, many
+new mazurkas, the <i>F minor</i>, <i>F major</i>&mdash;<i>A minor
+Ballades</i>, the <i>F-sharp</i> and <i>G-flat Impromptus</i>,
+the <i>B minor Sonata</i>, certain of the <i>Valses</i>, <i>Fantasies</i>,
+<i>Krakowiaks</i>, <i>Preludes</i>, <i>Studies</i> and <i>Polonaises</i>&mdash;to
+mention a few. And his pioneer
+work may be easily followed by a dozen other
+lists, all new to concert-goers, all equally interesting.
+Chopin still remains a sealed book to
+the world, notwithstanding the ink spilled over
+his name every other minute of the clock's busy
+traffic with Eternity.</p>
+
+<p>A fair moiety of this present chapter could be
+usurped by a detailed account of the beauties of
+the Unheard Chopin&mdash;you see I am emulating
+the critics with my phrase-making. But I am not
+the man to accomplish such a formidable task.
+I am too old, too disillusioned. The sap of a
+generous enthusiasm no longer stirs in my veins.
+Let the young fellows look to the matter&mdash;it is
+their affair. However, as I am an inveterate
+busybody I cannot refrain from an attempt to
+enlist your sympathies for some of my favorite
+Chopin.</p>
+
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>
+Do you know the <i>E major Scherzo, Op. 54</i>,
+with its skimming, swallowlike flight, its delicate
+figuration, its evanescent hintings at a serious
+something in the major trio? Have you ever
+heard Pachmann <i>purl</i> through this exquisitely
+conceived, contrived and balanced composition,
+truly a classic? <i>Whaur</i> is your Willy Mendelssohn
+the <i>noo</i>? Or are you acquainted with the
+<i>G-sharp minor Prelude</i>? Do you play the <i>E-flat
+Scherzo</i> from the <i>B minor Sonata</i>? Have you
+never shed a furtive tear&mdash;excuse my old-fashioned
+romanticism&mdash;over the bars of the <i>B major
+Larghetto</i> in the same work? [The last movement
+is pure passage writing, yet clever as only
+Chopin knew how to be clever without being
+offensively gaudy.]</p>
+
+<p>How about the first <i>Scherzo in B minor</i>?
+You play it, but do you understand its ferocious
+irony? [Oh, author of <i>Chopin: the Man and his
+Music</i>, what sins of rhetoric must be placed at
+your door!] And what of the <i>E-flat minor
+Scherzo</i>? Is it merely an excuse for blacksmith
+art and is the following <i>finale</i> only a study in
+unisons? There is the <i>C-sharp minor Prelude</i>.
+In it Brahms is anticipated by a quarter of a
+century. The <i>Polonaise in F-sharp minor</i> was
+damned years ago by Liszt, who found that it
+contained pathologic states. What of it? It is
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>
+Chopin's masterpiece in this form and for that
+reason is seldom played in public. Why? My
+children, do you not know by this time that the
+garden variety of pianoforte virtuoso will play
+difficult music if the difficulties be technical not
+emotional, or emotional and not spiritual?</p>
+
+<p><i>The F-sharp minor Polonaise</i> is always
+<i>drummed</i> on the keyboard because some silly
+story got into print about Chopin's aunt asking
+the composer for a picture of his soul battling
+with the soul of his pet foe, the Russians. Militant
+the work is not, as swinging as are its resilient
+rhythms: granted that the gloomy repetitions
+betray a morbid dwelling upon some secret, exasperating
+sorrow; but as the human soul never
+experiences the same mood <i>twice</i> in a lifetime,
+so Chopin never means his passages, identical
+as they may be, to be repeated in the same mood-key.
+Liszt, Tausig, and Rubinstein taught us
+the supreme art of color variation in the repetition
+of a theme. Paderewski knows the trick; so
+do Joseffy and Pachmann&mdash;the latter's <i>pianissimi</i>
+begin where other men's cease. So the accusation
+of tonal or thematic monotony should not
+be brought against this <i>Polonaise</i>. Rather let
+us blame our imperfect sympathies and slender
+stock of the art of <i>nuance</i>.</p>
+
+<p>But here I am pinning myself down to one
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>
+composition, when I wish to touch lightly on
+so many! The <i>F minor Polonaise</i>, the <i>E-flat
+minor Polonaise</i>, called the <i>Siberian</i>&mdash;why I
+don't know; <i>I</i> could never detect in its mobile
+measures the clanking of convict chains or the
+dreary landscape of Siberia&mdash;might be played by
+way of variety; and then there is the <i>C minor
+Polonaise</i>, which begins in tones of epic grandeur
+[go it, old man, you will be applying for a position
+on the Manayunk <i>Herbalist</i> soon as a critic!]
+The <i>Nocturnes</i>&mdash;are they all familiar to you?
+The <i>F-sharp minor</i> was a positive novelty a few
+years ago when Joseffy exhumed it, while the
+<i>C-sharp minor</i>, with its strong climaxes, its
+middle sections so evocative of Beethoven's
+<i>Sonata</i> in the same key&mdash;have you mastered its
+content? <i>The Preludes</i> are a perfect field for
+the "prospector"; though Essipoff and Arthur
+Friedheim played them in a single program.
+Nor must we overlook the so-called hackneyed
+valses, the tinkling charm of the one in <i>G-flat</i>,
+the elegiac quality of the one in <i>B minor</i>. The
+<i>Barcarolle</i> is only for heroes. So I do not set it
+down in malice against the student or the everyday
+virtuosos that he&mdash;or she&mdash;does not attempt
+it. The <i>F minor Fantaisie</i>, I am sorry to say,
+is beginning to be tarnished like the <i>A-flat
+Ballade</i>, by impious hands. It is not for weaklings;
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>
+nor are the other Fantaisies. Why not
+let us hear the <i>Bolero</i> and <i>Tarantella</i>, not
+Chopin at his happiest, withal Chopin. Emil
+Sauer made a success of other brilliant birdlike
+music before an America public. As for the
+<i>Ballades</i>, I can no longer endure any but <i>Op. 38</i>
+and <i>Op. 52</i>. Rosenthal played the beautiful
+<i>D-flat Study</i> in <i>Les Trois nouvelles Etudes</i> with
+signal results. It is a valse in disguise. And
+its neighbors in <i>A-flat</i> and <i>F minor</i> are Chopin
+in his most winning moods. Who, except
+Pachmann, essays the <i>G-flat major Impromptu</i>&mdash;wrongfully
+catalogued as <i>Des Dur</i> in the Klindworth
+edition? To be sure, it resumes many
+traits of the two preceding <i>Impromptus</i>, yet is it
+none the less fascinating music. And the
+<i>Mazurkas</i>&mdash;I refuse positively to discuss at the
+present writing such a fertile theme. I am
+fatigued already, and I feel that my antique
+vaporings have fatigued you. Next month I
+shall stick to my leathery last, like the musical
+shoemaker that I am&mdash;I shall consider to some
+length the use of left-hand passage work in the
+Hummel sonatas. Or shall I speak of Chopin
+again, of the Chopin mazurkas! My sour bones
+become sweeter when I think of Chopin&mdash;ah,
+there I go again! Am I, too, among the rhapsodists?</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span>
+<h2>VI</h2>
+
+<h3>MORE ANENT CHOPIN</h3>
+
+
+<p>I had fully intended at the conclusion of my
+last chapter to close the curtain on Chopin
+and his music, for I agree with the remark
+Deppe once made to Amy Fay about the advisability
+of putting Chopin on the shelf for half
+a century and studying Mozart in the interim.
+Bless the dear Germans and their thoroughness!
+The type of teacher to which Deppe
+belonged always proceeded as if a pupil, like a
+cat, had nine lives. Fifty years of Chopin on the
+shelf! There's an idea for you. At the conclusion
+of this half century's immurement
+what would the world say to the Polish composer's
+music? That is to say, in 1955 the unknown
+inhabitants of the musical portion of this
+earth would have sprung upon them absolutely
+new music. The excitement would be colossal,
+colossal, too, would be the advertising. And
+then? And then I fancy a chorus of profoundly
+disappointed lovers of the tone art. Remember
+that the world moves in fifty years. Perhaps
+there would be no longer our pianoforte, our
+keyboard. How childish, how simple would
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>
+sound the timid little Chopin of the far-away
+nineteenth century.</p>
+
+<p>In the turbulent times to come music will
+have lost its personal flavor. Instead of interpretative
+artists there will be gigantic machinery
+capable of maniacal displays of virtuosity;
+merely dropping a small coin in a slot will sound
+the most abstruse scores of Richard Strauss&mdash;then
+the popular and bewhistled music maker.
+And yet it is difficult for us, so wedded are we to
+that tragic delusion of earthly glory and artistic
+immortality, to conjure up a day when the music
+of Chopin shall be stale and unprofitable to the
+hearing. For me the idea is inconceivable.
+Some of his music has lost interest for us, particularly
+the early works modeled after Hummel.
+Ehlert speaks of the twilight that is beginning to
+steal over certain of the nocturnes, valses, and
+fantasias. Now Hummel is quite perfect in his
+way. To imitate him, as Chopin certainly did,
+was excellent practice for the younger man,
+but not conducive to originality. Chopin soon
+found this out, and dropped both Hummel and
+Field out of his scheme. Nor shall I insist on
+the earlier impositions being the weaker; <i>Op. 10</i>
+contains all Chopin in its twelve studies. The
+truth is, that this Chopin, to whom has been
+assigned two or three or four periods and styles
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>
+and manners of development, sprang from the
+Minerva head of music a full-fledged genius.
+He grew. He lived. But the exquisite art was
+there from the first. That it had a "long foreground"
+I need not tell you.</p>
+
+<p>What compositions, then, would our mythic
+citizens of 1955 prefer?&mdash;can't you see them
+crowding around the concert grand piano listening
+to the old-fashioned strains as we listen
+today when some musical antiquarian gives a
+recital of Scarlatti, Couperin, Rameau on a
+clavecin! Still, as Mozart and Bach are endurable
+now, there is no warrant for any supposition
+that Chopin would not be tolerated a
+half century hence. Fancy those sprightly,
+spiritual, and very national dances, the mazurkas,
+not making an impression! Or at least two of the
+ballades! Or three of the nocturnes! Not to
+mention the polonaises, preludes, scherzos, and
+etudes. Simply from curiosity the other night&mdash;I
+get so tired playing checkers&mdash;I went through all
+my various editions of Chopin&mdash;about ten&mdash;looking
+for trouble. I found it when I came across
+five mazurkas in the key of C-sharp minor. I
+have arrived at the conclusion that this was a
+favorite tonality of the Pole. Let us see.</p>
+
+<p>Two studies in <i>Op. 10</i> and <i>25</i>, respectively; the
+<i>Fantaisie-Impromptu</i>, <i>Op. 66</i>; five <i>Mazurkas</i>,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span>
+above mentioned; one <i>Nocturne, Op. 27, No. 1</i>;
+one <i>Polonaise, Op. 26, No. 1</i>; one <i>Prelude, Op.
+45</i>; one <i>Scherzo, Op. 39</i>; and a short second
+section, a <i>cantabile</i> in the <i>E major Scherzo, Op.
+54</i>; one <i>Valse, Op. 64, No. 2</i>&mdash;are there any more
+in C-sharp minor? If there are I cannot recall
+them. But this is a good showing for one key,
+and a minor one. Little wonder Chopin was
+pronounced elegiac in his tendencies&mdash;C-sharp
+minor is a mournful key and one that soon develops
+a cloying, morbid quality if too much
+insisted upon.</p>
+
+<p>The mazurkas are worthy specimens of their
+creator's gift for varying not only a simple dance
+form, but also in juggling with a simple melodic
+idea so masterfully that the hearer forgets he is
+hearing a three-part composition on a keyboard.
+Chopin was a magician. The first of the <i>Mazurkas
+in C-sharp minor</i> bears the early <i>Op. 6, No. 2</i>.
+By no means representative, it is nevertheless
+interesting and characteristic. That brief introduction
+with its pedal bass sounds the rhythmic
+life of the piece. I like it; I like the dance proper;
+I like the major&mdash;you see the peasant girls on the
+green footing away&mdash;and the ending is full of a
+sad charm. <i>Op. 30, No. 4</i>, the next in order, is
+bigger in conception, bigger in workmanship.
+It is not so cheerful, perhaps, as its predecessor
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span>
+in the same key; the heavy basses twanging in
+tenths like a contrabasso are intentionally monotone
+in effect. There is defiance and despair
+in the mood. And look at the line before the
+last&mdash;those consecutive fifths and sevenths were
+not placed there as a whim; they mean something.
+Here is a mazurka that will be heard
+later than 1955! By the way, while you are
+loitering through this Op. 30 do not neglect No. 3,
+the stunning specimen in D-flat. It is my
+favorite mazurka.</p>
+
+<p>Now let us hurry on to <i>Op. 41, No. 1</i>. It well
+repays careful study. Note the grip our composer
+has on the theme, it bobs up in the middle
+voices; it comes thundering at the close in octave
+and chordal <i>unisons</i>, it rumbles in the bass and is
+persistently asserted by the soprano voice. Its
+scale is unusual, the atmosphere not altogether
+cheerful. Chopin could be depressingly pessimistic
+at times. <i>Op. 50, No. 3</i>, shows how
+closely the composer studied his Bach. It is by
+all odds the most elaborately worked out of the
+series, difficult to play, difficult to grasp in its
+rather disconnected procession of moods. To
+me it has a clear ring of exasperation, as if
+Chopin had lost interest, but perversely determined
+to finish his idea. As played by Pachmann,
+we get it in all its peevish, sardonic humors,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>
+especially if the audience, or the weather, or the
+piano seat does not suit the fat little blackbird
+from Odessa. <i>Op. 63, No. 3</i>, ends this list of
+mazurkas in C-sharp minor. In it Chopin has
+limbered up, his mood is freer, melancholy
+as it is. Louis Ehlert wrote of this: "A more
+perfect canon in the octave could not have been
+written by one who had grown gray in the
+learned arts." Those last few bars prove that
+Chopin&mdash;they once called him amateurish in his
+harmonies!&mdash;could do what he pleased in the
+contrapuntal line.</p>
+
+<p>Shall I continue? Shall I insist on the obvious;
+hammer in my truisms! It may be possible
+that out here on the Wissahickon&mdash;where
+the summer hiccoughs grow&mdash;that I do not get
+all the news of the musical world. Yet I vainly
+scan piano recital programs for such numbers as
+those C-sharp minor mazurkas, for the <i>F minor
+Ballade</i>, for that beautiful and extremely original
+<i>Ballade Op. 38</i> which begins in F and ends in A
+minor. Isn't there a legend to the effect that
+Schumann heard Chopin play his <i>Ballade</i> in
+private and that there was no stormy middle
+measures? I've forgotten the source, possibly
+one of the greater Chopinist's&mdash;or <i>Chopine</i>-ists,
+as they had it in Paris. What a stumbling-block
+that A minor explosion was to audiences and
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>
+students and to pianists themselves. "Too wild,
+too wild!" I remember hearing the old guard
+exclaim when Rubinstein, after miraculously
+prolonging the three A's with those singing
+fingers of his, not forgetting the pedals, smashed
+down the keyboard, gobbling up the sixteenth
+notes, not in phrases, but pages. How grandly
+he rolled out those bass scales, the chords in the
+treble transformed into a <i>Cantus Firmus</i>. Then,
+his Calmuck features all afire, he would begin
+to smile gently and lo!&mdash;the tiny, little tune, as if
+children had unconsciously composed it at play!
+The last page was carnage. Port Arthur was
+stormed and captured in every bar. What a
+pianist, what an artist, what a <i>man</i>!</p>
+
+<p>I suppose it is because my imagination weakens
+with my years&mdash;remember that I read in the daily
+papers the news of Chopin's death! I do long for
+a definite program to be appended to the <i>F-major
+Ballade</i>. Why not offer a small prize for the
+best program and let me be judge? I have also
+reached the time of life when the <i>A-flat Ballade</i>
+affects my nerves, just as Liszt was affected
+when a pupil brought for criticism the <i>G minor
+Ballade</i>. Preserve me from the <i>Third Ballade</i>!
+It is winning, gracious, delicate, capricious,
+melodic, poetic, and what not, but it has gone to
+meet the <i>D-flat Valse</i> and <i>E-flat Nocturne</i>&mdash;as
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>
+the obituaries say. The fourth, the <i>F minor
+Ballade</i>&mdash;ah, you touch me in a weak spot.
+Sticking for over a half century to Bach so
+closely, I imagine that the economy of thematic
+material and the ingeniously spun fabric of this
+<i>Ballade</i> have made it my pet. I do not dwell
+upon the loveliness of the first theme in F minor,
+or of that melodious approach to it in the major.
+I am speaking now of the composition as a
+whole. Its themes are varied with consummate
+ease, and you wonder at the corners you so
+easily turn, bringing into view newer horizons;
+fresh and striking landscapes. When you are
+once afloat on those D-flat scales, four pages
+from the end nothing can stop your progress.
+Every bar slides nearer and nearer to the climax,
+which is seemingly chaos for the moment.
+After that the air clears and the whole work
+soars skyward on mighty pinions. I quite agree
+with those who place in the same category the
+<i>F minor Fantaisie</i> with this <i>Ballade</i>. And it is
+not much played. Nor can the mechanical
+instruments reproduce its nuances, its bewildering
+pathos and passion. I see the musical mob
+of 1955 deeply interested when the Paderewski
+of those days puts it on his program as a gigantic
+novelty!</p>
+
+<p>You see, here I have been blazing away at the
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>
+same old target again, though we had agreed to
+drop Chopin last month. I can't help it. I felt
+choked off in my previous article and now the <i>dam</i>
+has overflowed, though I hope not the reader's!
+While I think of it, some one wrote me asking if
+Chopin's first <i>Sonata in C minor, Op. 4</i>, was
+worth the study. Decidedly, though it is as dry
+as a Kalkbrenner Sonata for Sixteen Pianos and
+forty-five hands. The form clogged the light of
+the composer. Two things are worthy of notice
+in many pages choked with notes: there is a
+menuet, the only essay I recall of Chopin's
+in this graceful, artificial form; and the Larghetto
+is in 5/4 time&mdash;also a novel rhythm, and not very
+grateful. How Chopin reveled when he reached
+the <i>B-flat minor</i> and <i>B minor Sonatas</i> and threw
+formal physic to the dogs! I had intended devoting
+a portion of this chapter to the difference
+of old-time and modern methods in piano teaching.
+Alas! my unruly pen ran away with me!</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>
+<h2>VII</h2>
+
+<h3>PIANO PLAYING TODAY AND YESTERDAY</h3>
+
+
+<p>How to listen to a teacher! How to profit
+by his precepts! Better still&mdash;How to
+practice after he has left the house!
+There are three titles for essays, pedagogic and
+otherwise, which might be supplemented by a
+fourth: How to pay promptly the music master's
+bills. But I do not propose indulging in any
+such generalities this beautiful day in late winter.
+First, let me rid the minds of my readers of a
+delusion. I am no longer a piano teacher, nor
+do I give lessons by mail. I am a very old fellow,
+fond of chatting, fond of reminiscences; with the
+latter I bore my listeners, I am sure. Nevertheless,
+I am not old in spirit, and I feel the liveliest
+curiosity in matters pianistic, matters musical.
+Hence, this month I will make a hasty comparison
+between new and old fashions in teaching the
+pianoforte. If you have patience with me you
+may hear something of importance; otherwise,
+if there is skating down your way don't miss it&mdash;fresh
+air is always healthier than esthetic
+gabbling.</p>
+
+<p>Do they teach the piano better in the twentieth
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>
+century than in the nineteenth? Yes, absolutely
+yes. When a young man survived the "old
+fogy" methods of the fifties, sixties and seventies
+of the past century, he was, it cannot be
+gainsaid, an excellent artist. But he was, as a
+rule, the survival of the fittest. For one of him
+successful there were one thousand failures.
+Strong hands, untiring patience and a deeply
+musical temperament were needed to withstand
+the absurd soulless drilling of the fingers.
+Unduly prolonged, the immense amount of dry
+studies, the antique disregard of fore-arm and
+upper-arm and the comparatively restricted
+repertory&mdash;well, it was a stout body and a robust
+musical temperament that rose superior to such
+cramping pedagogy. And then, too, the ideals
+of the pianist were quite different. It is only in
+recent years that tone has become an important
+factor in the scheme&mdash;thanks to Chopin, Thalberg
+and Liszt. In the early sixties we believed
+in velocity and clearness and brilliancy. Kalkbrenner,
+Herz, Dreyschock, D&ouml;hler, Thalberg&mdash;those
+were the lively boys who patrolled the
+keyboard like the north wind&mdash;brisk but chilly.
+I must add that the most luscious and melting
+tone I ever heard on the piano was produced by
+Thalberg and after him Henselt. Today Paderewski
+is the best exponent of their school; of
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span>
+course, modified by modern ideas and a Slavic
+temperament.</p>
+
+<p>But now technic no longer counts. Be ye as
+fleet as Rosenthal and as pure as Pachmann&mdash;in
+a tonal sense&mdash;ye will not escape comparison
+with the mechanical pianist. It was their
+astounding accuracy that extorted from Eugen
+d'Albert a confession made to a friend of mine
+just before he sailed to this country last month:</p>
+
+<p>"A great pianist should no longer bother
+himself about his technic. Any machine can
+beat him at the game. What he must excel in
+is&mdash;interpretation and tone."</p>
+
+<p>Rosenthal, angry that a mere contrivance
+manipulated by a salesman could beat his speed,
+has taken the slopes of Parnassus by storm.
+He can play the Liszt <i>Don Juan</i> paraphrase
+<i>faster</i> than any machine in existence. (I refer
+to the drinking song, naturally.) But how few of
+us have attained such transcendental technic?
+None except Rosenthal, for I really believe if
+Karl Tausig would return to earth he would be
+dazzled by Rosenthal's performances&mdash;say, for
+example, of the Brahms-Paganini <i>Studies</i> and,
+Liszt, in his palmy days, never had such a technic
+as Tausig's; while the latter was far more musical
+and intellectual than Rosenthal. Other days,
+other ways!</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>
+So tone, not technic alone, is our shibboleth.
+How many teachers realize this? How many
+still commit the sin of transforming their pupils
+into machines, developing muscle at the expense
+of music! To be sure, some of the old teachers
+considered the second F minor sonata of Beethoven
+the highest peak of execution and confined
+themselves to teaching Mozart and Field, Cramer
+and Mendelssohn, with an occasional fantasia by
+Thalberg&mdash;the latter to please the proud papa
+after dessert. Schumann was not understood;
+Chopin was misunderstood; and Liszt was
+<i>anathema</i>. Yet we often heard a sweet, singing
+tone, even if the mechanism was not above the
+normal. I am sure those who had the pleasure of
+listening to William Mason will recall the exquisite
+purity of his tone, the limpidity of his
+scales, the neat finish of his phrasing. Old style,
+I hear you say! Yes, old and ever new, because
+approaching more nearly perfection than the
+splashing, floundering, fly-by-night, hysterical,
+smash-the-ivories school of these latter days.
+Music, not noise&mdash;that's what we are after in
+piano playing, the <i>higher</i> piano playing. All the
+rest is pianola-istic!</p>
+
+<p>Singularly enough, with the shifting of technical
+standards, more simplicity reigns in methods
+of teaching at this very moment. The reason
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>
+is that so much more is expected in variety of
+technic; therefore, no unnecessary time can be
+spared. If a modern pianist has not at <i>fifteen</i>
+mastered all the tricks of finger, wrist, fore-arm
+and upper-arm he should study bookkeeping or
+the noble art of football. Immense are the
+demands made upon the memory. Whole volumes
+of fugues, sonatas of Chopin, Liszt, Schumann
+and the new men are memorized, as a
+matter of course. Better wrong notes, in the
+estimation of the more superficial musical public,
+than playing with the music on the piano desk.
+And then to top all these terrible things, you must
+have the physique of a sailor, the nerves of a
+woman, the impudence of a prize-fighter, and the
+humility of an innocent child. Is it any wonder
+that, paradoxical as it may sound, there are fewer
+great pianists today in public than there were
+fifty years ago, yet ten times as many pianists!</p>
+
+<p>The big saving, then, in the pianistic curriculum
+is the dropping of studies, finger and otherwise.
+To give him his due, Von B&uuml;low&mdash;as a pianist
+strangely inimical to my taste&mdash;was among the
+first to boil down the number of etudes. He did
+this in his famous preface to the Cramer <i>Studies</i>.
+Nevertheless, his list is too long by half. Who
+plays Moscheles? Who cares for more than four
+or six of the Clementi, for a half dozen of the
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span>
+Cramer? I remember the consternation among
+certain teachers when Deppe and Raif, with his
+dumb thumb and blind fingers, abolished <i>all</i> the
+classic piano studies. Teachers like Constantine
+von Sternberg do the same at this very hour,
+finding in the various technical figures of compositions
+all the technic necessary. This method
+is infinitely more trying to the teacher than the
+old-fashioned, easy-going ways. "Play me No.
+22 for next time!" was the order, and in a
+soporific manner the pupil waded through all
+the studies of all the <i>Technikers</i>. Now the
+teacher must invent a new study for every new
+piece&mdash;with Bach on the side. Always Bach!
+Please remember that. B-a-c-h&mdash;Bach. Your
+daily bread, my children.</p>
+
+<p>We no longer play Mozart in public&mdash;except
+Joseffy. I was struck recently by something
+Fannie Bloomfield Zeisler said in this matter of
+Mozart. Yes, Mozart is more difficult than
+Chopin, though not so difficult as Bach. Mozart
+is so naked and unafraid! You must touch the
+right key or forever afterward be condemned by
+your own blundering. Let me add here that
+I heard Fannie Bloomfield play the little sonata,
+wrongfully called <i>facile</i>, when she was a tiny,
+ox-eyed girl of six or seven. It was in Chicago
+in the seventies. Instead of asking for candy
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span>
+afterwards she begged me to read her some
+poetry of Shelley or something by Schopenhauer!
+Veritably a fabulous child!</p>
+
+<p>Let me add three points to the foregoing statements:
+First, Joseffy has always been rather
+skeptical of too <i>few</i> piano studies. His argument
+is that <i>endurance</i> is also a prime factor of
+technic, and you cannot compass endurance without
+you endure prolonged finger drills. But as
+he has since composed&mdash;literally composed&mdash;the
+most extraordinary time-saving book of technical
+studies (<i>School of Advanced Piano Playing</i>),
+I suspect the great virtuoso has dropped from his
+list all the Heller, Hiller, Czerny, Haberbier,
+Cramer, Clementi and Moscheles. Certainly
+his Exercises&mdash;as he meekly christens them&mdash;are
+<i>multum in parvo</i>. They are my daily
+recreation.</p>
+
+<p>The next point I would have you remember is
+this: The morning hours are golden. Never
+waste them, the first thing, never waste your sleep-freshened
+brain on mechanical finger exercise.
+Take up Bach, if you must unlimber your fingers
+and your wits. But even Bach should be kept
+for afternoon and evening. I shall never forget
+Moriz Rosenthal's amused visage when I, in the
+innocence of my eighteenth century soul, put this
+question to him: "When is the best time to
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>
+study etudes?" "If you must study them at all,
+do so after your day's work is done. By your
+day's work I mean the mastery of the sonata or
+piece you are working at. When your brain is
+clear you can compass technical difficulties much
+better in the morning than the evening. Don't
+throw away those hours. Any time will do for
+gymnastics." Now there is something for stubborn
+teachers to put in their pipes and smoke.</p>
+
+<p>My last injunction is purely a mechanical
+one. All the pianists I have heard with a beautiful
+tone&mdash;Thalberg, Henselt, Liszt, Tausig,
+Heller&mdash;yes, Stephen of the pretty studies&mdash;Rubinstein,
+Joseffy, Paderewski, Pachmann and
+Essipoff, sat <i>low</i> before the keyboard. When
+you sit high and the wrists dip downward your
+tone will be dry, brittle, hard. Doubtless a few
+pianists with abnormal muscles have escaped this,
+for there was a time when octaves were played
+with stiff wrists and rapid <i>tempo</i>. Both things
+are an abomination, and the exception here does
+not prove the rule. Pianists like Rosenthal,
+Busoni, Friedheim, d'Albert, Von B&uuml;low, <i>all the
+Great Germans</i> (Germans are not born, but are
+made piano players), Carre&ntilde;o, Aus der Ohe,
+Krebs, Mehlig are or were artists with a hard
+tone. As for the much-vaunted Leschetizky
+method I can only say that I have heard but two
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>
+of his pupils whose tone was <i>not</i> hard and too
+brilliant. Paderewski was one of these. Paderewski
+confessed to me that he learned how to
+play billiards from Leschetizky, not piano;
+though, of course, he will deny this, as he is very
+loyal. The truth is that he learned more from
+Essipoff than from her then husband, the much-married
+Theodor Leschetizky.</p>
+
+<p>Pachmann, once at a D&ocirc;hn&aacute;nyi recital in New
+York, called out in his accustomed frank fashion:
+"He sits too high." It was true. D&ocirc;hn&aacute;nyi's
+touch is as hard as steel. He sat <i>over</i> the keyboard
+and played <i>down</i> on the keys, thus striking
+them heavily, instead of pressing and moulding
+the tone. Pachmann's playing is a notable
+example of plastic beauty. He seems to dip his
+hands into musical liquid instead of touching
+inanimate ivory, and bone, wood, and wire.
+Remember this when you begin your day's
+work: Sit so that your hand is on a level with,
+never below, the keyboard; and don't waste your
+morning freshness on dull finger gymnastics!
+Have I talked you hoarse?</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>
+<h2>VIII</h2>
+
+<h3>FOUR FAMOUS VIRTUOSOS</h3>
+
+
+<p>Such a month of dissipation! You must
+know that at my time of life I run down a
+bit every spring, and our family physician
+prescribed a course of scale exercises on the
+Boardwalk at Atlantic City, and after that&mdash;New
+York, for Lenten recreation! Now, New
+York is not quiet, nor is it ever Lenten. A
+crowded town, huddled on an island far too small
+for its inconceivably uncivilized population, its
+inhabitants can never know the value of leisure
+or freedom from noise. Because he is always
+in a hurry a New York man fancies that he is intellectual.
+The consequences artistically are
+dire. New York boasts&mdash;yes, literally <i>boasts</i>&mdash;the
+biggest, noisiest, and poorest orchestra in
+the country. I refer to the Philharmonic Society,
+with its wretched wood-wind, its mediocre brass,
+and its aggregation of rasping strings. All the
+vaudeville and lightning-change conductors have
+not put this band on a level with the Boston, the
+Philadelphia, or the Chicago organizations. Nor
+does the opera please me much better. Noise,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>
+at the expense of music; quantity, instead of
+quality; all the <i>tempi</i> distorted and <i>fortes</i> exaggerated,
+so as to make effect. Effect, effect,
+effect! That is the ideal of New York conductors.
+This coarsening, cheapening, and magnification
+of details are resultants of the restless,
+uncomfortable, and soulless life of the much
+overrated Manhattan.</p>
+
+<p>Naturally, I am a Philadelphian, and my strictures
+will be set down to old fogyism. But show
+me a noise-loving city and I will show you an
+inartistic one. Schopenhauer was right in this
+matter; insensibility to noise argues a less refined
+organism. And New York may spend a million
+of money on music every season, and still it is
+not a musical city. The opera is the least sign;
+opera is a social function&mdash;sometimes a circus,
+never a temple of art. The final, the infallible
+test is the maintenance of an orchestra. New
+York has no permanent orchestra; though there
+is an attempt to make of the New York Symphony
+Society a worthy rival to the Philadelphia
+and Boston orchestras. So much for my enjoyment
+in the larger forms of music&mdash;symphony,
+oratorio and opera.</p>
+
+<p>But my visit was not without compensations.
+I attended piano concerts by Eugen d'Albert,
+Ignace Jan Paderewski, and Rafael Joseffy.
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span>
+Pachmann I had heard earlier in the season in
+my own home city. So in one season I listened
+to four out of six of the world's greatest pianists.
+And it was very stimulating to both ears and
+memory. It also affords me an opportunity to
+preach for you a little sermon on Touch (Tone
+and Technic were the respective themes of my
+last two letters), which I have had in my mind
+for some time. Do not be alarmed. I say
+"sermon," but I mean nothing more than a comparison
+of modern methods of touch, as exemplified
+by the performances of the above four men,
+with the style of touch employed by the pianists
+of my generation: Thalberg, Liszt, Gottschalk,
+Tausig, Rubinstein, Von B&uuml;low, Henselt, and a
+few others.</p>
+
+<p>Pachmann is the same little wonder-worker
+that I knew when he studied many years ago in
+Vienna with Dachs. This same Dachs turned
+out some finished pupils, though his reputation,
+curiously enough, never equalled that of the over-puffed
+Leschetizky, or Epstein, or Anton Door,
+all teachers in the Austrian capital. I recall
+Anthony Stankowitch, now in Chicago, and
+Benno Schoenberger, now in London, as Dachs'
+pupils. Schoenberger has a touch of gold and a
+style almost as jeweled as Pachmann's&mdash;but
+more virile. It must not be forgotten that
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>
+Pachmann has fine nerves&mdash;with such an exquisite
+touch, his organization must be of supernal
+delicacy&mdash;but little muscular vigor. Consider
+his narrow shoulders and slender arms&mdash;height
+of figure has nothing to do with muscular incompatibility;
+d'Albert is almost a dwarf, yet a
+colossus of strength. So let us call Pachmann,
+a survival of an older school, a charming school.
+Touch was the shibboleth of that school, not
+tone; and technic was often achieved at the
+expense of more spiritual qualities. The three
+most <i>beautiful</i> touches of the piano of the nineteenth
+century were those of Chopin, Thalberg,
+and Henselt. Apart from any consideration of
+other gifts, these three men&mdash;a Pole, a Hebrew,
+and a German&mdash;possessed touches that sang
+and melted in your ears, ravished your ears.
+Finer in a vocal sense was Thalberg's touch than
+Liszt's; finer Henselt's than Thalberg's, because
+more euphonious, and nobler in tonal texture;
+and more poetic than either of these two was
+Chopin's ethereal touch. To-day Joseffy is the
+nearest approach we have to Chopin, Paderewski
+to Henselt, Pachmann to Thalberg&mdash;save in the
+matter of a robust <i>fortissimo</i>, which the tiny
+Russian virtuoso does not boast.</p>
+
+<p>After Chopin, Thalberg, and Henselt, the orchestral
+school had its sway&mdash;it still has. Liszt,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>
+Tausig, Rubinstein set the pace for all latter-day
+piano playing. And while it may sound presumptuous,
+I am inclined to think that their successors
+are not far behind them in the matter of
+tonal volume. If Liszt or Tausig, or, for that
+matter, Rubinstein, produced more clangor from
+their instruments than Eugen d'Albert, then my
+aural memory is at fault. My recollection of
+Liszt is a vivid one: to me he was iron; Tausig,
+steel; Rubinstein, gold. This metallic classification
+is not intended to praise gold at the expense
+of steel, or iron to the detriment of gold. It
+is merely my way of describing the adamantine
+qualities of Liszt and Tausig&mdash;two magnetic
+mountains of the kind told of in <i>Sinbad, the
+Sailor</i>, to which was attracted whatever came
+within their radius. And Rubinstein&mdash;what a
+man, what an artist, what a <i>heart!</i> As Joseffy
+once put it, Rubinstein's was not a pianist's
+touch, but the mellow tone of a French horn!</p>
+
+<p>Rosenthal's art probably matches Tausig's
+in technic and tone. Paderewski, who has
+broadened and developed amazingly during ten
+years, has many of Henselt's traits&mdash;and I am
+sure he never heard the elder pianist. But he
+belongs to that group: tonal euphony, supple
+technic, a caressing manner, and a perfect control
+of self. Remember, I am speaking of the
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>
+Henselt who played for a few friends, not the
+frightened, semi-limp pianist who emerged at
+long intervals before the public. Paderewski
+is thrice as poetic as Henselt&mdash;who in the matter
+of emotional depth seldom attempted any more
+than the delineation of the suave and elegant,
+though he often played Weber with glorious fire
+and brilliancy.</p>
+
+<p>At this moment it is hard to say where Paderewski
+will end. I beg to differ from Mr.
+Edward Baxter Perry, who once declared that
+the Polish virtuoso played at his previous season
+no different from his earlier visits. The Paderewski
+of 1902 and 1905 is very unlike the Paderewski
+of 1891. His style more nearly approximates
+Rubinstein's <i>plus</i> the refinement of
+the Henselt school. He has sacrificed certain
+qualities. That was inevitable. All great art
+is achieved at the expense&mdash;either by suppression
+or enlargement&mdash;of something precious.
+Paderewski pounds more; nor is he always letter
+perfect; but do not forget that pounding from
+Paderewski is not the same as pounding from
+Tom, Dick, and Harry. And, like Rubinstein,
+his spilled notes are more valuable than other
+pianist's scrupulously played ones. In reality,
+after carefully watching the career of this remarkable
+man, I have reached the conclusion that he is
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>
+passing through a transition period in his "pianism."
+Tired of his old, subdued, poetic manner;
+tired of being called a <i>salon</i> pianist by&mdash;yes,
+Oskar Bie said so in his book on the pianoforte;
+and in the same chapter wrote of the fire and fury
+of Gabrilowitsch ("he drives the horses of
+Rubinstein," said Bie; he must have meant
+"ponies!")&mdash;critics, Paderewski began to study
+the grand manner. He may achieve it, for his
+endurance is phenomenal. Any pianist who could
+do what I heard him do in New York&mdash;give eight
+encores after an exhausting program&mdash;may well
+lay claim to the possession of the grand manner.
+His tone is still forced; you hear the <i>chug</i> of the
+suffering wires; but who cares for details&mdash;when
+the general performance is on so exalted a plane?
+And his touch is absolutely luscious in cantabile.</p>
+
+<p>With d'Albert our interest is, nowadays,
+cerebral. When he was a youth he upset Weimar
+with his volcanic performances. Rumor said
+that he came naturally by his superb gifts (the
+Tausig legend is still believed in Germany).
+Now his indifference to his medium of expression
+does not prevent him from lavishing
+upon the interpretation of masterpieces the most
+intellectual brain since Von B&uuml;low's&mdash;and <i>entre
+nous</i>, ten times the musical equipment. D'Albert
+plays Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms as
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>
+no one else on this globe&mdash;and he matches
+Paderewski in his merciless abuse of the keyboard.
+Either a new instrument, capable of sustaining
+the ferocious attacks upon it, must be
+fabricated, or else there must be a return to older
+styles.</p>
+
+<p>And that fixed star in the pianistic firmament,
+one who refuses to descend to earth and please
+the groundlings&mdash;Rafael Joseffy&mdash;is for me the
+most satisfying of all the pianists. Never any
+excess of emotional display; never silly sentimentalizings,
+but a lofty, detached style, impeccable
+technic, tone as beautiful as starlight&mdash;yes,
+Joseffy is the enchanter who wins me with his
+disdainful spells. I heard him play the Chopin
+E minor and the Liszt A major concertos; also
+a brace of encores. Perfection! The Liszt
+was not so brilliant as Reisenauer; but&mdash;again
+within its frame&mdash;perfection! The Chopin was
+as Chopin would have had it given in 1840. And
+there were refinements of tone-color undreamed
+of even by Chopin. Paderewski is Paderewski&mdash;and
+Joseffy is perfection. Paderewski is the
+most eclectic of the four pianists I have taken for
+my text; Joseffy the most subtly poetic; D'Albert
+the most profound and intellectually significant,
+and Pachmann&mdash;well, Vladimir is the <i>enfant
+terrible</i> of the quartet, a whimsical, fantastic
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>
+charmer, an apparition with rare talents, and an
+interpreter of the Lesser Chopin (always the
+<i>great</i> Chopin) without a peer. Let us be happy
+that we are vouchsafed the pleasure of hearing
+four such artists.</p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>
+<h2>IX</h2>
+
+<h3>THE INFLUENCE OF DADDY LISZT</h3>
+
+
+<p>Have you read Thoreau's <i>Walden</i> with its
+smell of the woods and its ozone-permeated
+pages? I recommend the book
+to all pianists, especially to those pianists who hug
+the house, practising all day and laboring under
+the delusion that they are developing their individuality.
+Singular thing, this rage for culture
+nowadays among musicians! They have been
+admonished so often in print and private that
+their ignorance is not blissful, indeed it is baneful,
+that these ambitious ladies and gentlemen
+rush off to the booksellers, to libraries, and
+literally gorge themselves with the "ologies"
+and "isms" of the day. Lord, Lord, how I
+enjoy meeting them at a musicale! There they
+sit, cocked and primed for a verbal encounter,
+waiting to knock the literary chip off their neighbor's
+shoulder.</p>
+
+<p>"Have you read"&mdash;begins some one and the
+chattering begins, <i>furioso</i>. "Oh, Nietzsche?
+why of course,"&mdash;"Tolstoi's <i>What is Art?</i> certainly,
+he ought to be electrocuted"&mdash;"Nordau!
+isn't he terrible?" And the cacophonous conversational
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span>
+symphony rages, and when it is spent,
+the man who asked the question finishes:</p>
+
+<p>"Have you read the notice of Rosenthal's
+playing in the <i>K&ouml;lnische Zeitung?</i>" and there is a
+battery of suspicious looks directed towards him
+whilst murmurs arise, "What an uncultured man!
+To talk 'shop' like a regular musician!" The
+fact being that the man had read everything, but
+was setting a trap for the vanity of these egregious
+persons. The newspapers, the managers
+and the artists before the public are to blame for
+this callow, shallow attempt at culture. We read
+that Rosenthal is a second Heine in conversation.
+That he spills epigrams at his meals and
+dribbles proverbs at the piano. He has committed
+all of Heine to memory and in the greenroom
+reads Sanscrit. Paderewski, too, is profoundly
+something or other. Like Wagner, he
+writes his own program&mdash;I mean plots for his
+operas. He is much given to reading Swinburne
+because some one once compared him to
+the bad, mad, sad, glad, fad poet of England,
+begad! As for Sauer, we hardly know where to
+begin. He writes blank verse tragedies and discusses
+Ibsen with his landlady. Pianists are
+now so intellectual that they sometimes forget to
+play the piano well.</p>
+
+<p>Of course, Daddy Liszt began it all. He had
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>
+read everything before he was twenty, and had
+embraced and renegaded from twenty religions.
+This volatile, versatile, vibratile, vivacious,
+vicious temperament of his has been copied by
+most modern pianists who haven't brains enough
+to parse a sentence or play a Bach <i>Invention</i>.
+The Weimar crew all imitated Liszt's style in
+octaves and hair dressing. I was there once, a
+sunny day in May, the hedges white with flowers
+and the air full of bock-bier. Ah, thronging memories
+of youth! I was slowly walking through a
+sun-smitten lane when a man on horse dashed by
+me, his face red with excitement, his beast covered
+with lather. He kept shouting "Make
+room for the master! make way for the master!"
+and presently a venerable man with a purple nose&mdash;a
+Cyrano de Cognac nose&mdash;came towards me.
+He wore a monkish habit and on his head was a
+huge shovel-shaped hat, the sort affected by Don
+Basilio in <i>The Barber of Seville</i>.</p>
+
+<p>"It must be Liszt or the devil!" I cried aloud,
+and Liszt laughed, his warts growing purple,
+his whole expression being one of good-humor.
+He invited me to refreshment at the Czerny
+House, but I refused. During the time he stood
+talking to me a throng of young Liszts gathered
+about us. I call them "young Liszts" because
+they mimicked the old gentleman in an outrageous
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>
+manner. They wore their hair on their
+shoulders, they sprinkled it with flour; they even
+went to such lengths as to paint purplish excrescences
+on their chins and brows. They wore
+semi-sacerdotal robes, they held their hands in
+the peculiar and affected style of Liszt, and they
+one and all wore shovel hats. When Liszt left
+me&mdash;we studied together with Czerny&mdash;they
+trooped after him, their garments ballooning
+in the breeze, and upon their silly faces was the
+devotion of a pet ape.</p>
+
+<p>I mention this because I have never met a
+Liszt pupil since without recalling that day in
+Weimar. And when one plays I close my eyes
+and hear the frantic effort to copy Liszt's bad
+touch and supple, sliding, treacherous technic.
+Liszt, you may not know, had a wretched touch.
+The old boy was conscious of it, for he told William
+Mason once, "Don't copy my touch; it's spoiled."
+He had for so many years pounded and punched
+the keyboard that his tactile sensibility&mdash;isn't
+that your new-fangled expression?&mdash;had vanished.
+His "orchestral" playing was one of those pretty
+fables invented by hypnotized pupils like Amy
+Fay, Aus der Ohe, and other enthusiastic but not
+very critical persons. I remember well that
+Liszt, who was first and foremost a melodramatic
+actor, had a habit of striding to the instrument,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>
+sitting down in a magnificent manner and uplifting
+his big fists as if to annihilate the ivories.
+He was a master hypnotist, and like John L.
+Sullivan he had his adversary&mdash;the audience&mdash;conquered
+before he struck a blow. His glance
+was terrific, his "nerve" enormous. What he
+did afterward didn't much matter. He usually
+accomplished a hard day's threshing with those
+flail-like arms of his, and, heavens, how the poor
+piano objected to being taken for a barn-floor!</p>
+
+<p>Touch! Why, Thalberg had the touch, a
+touch that Liszt secretly envied. In the famous
+Paris duel that followed the visits of the pair to
+Paris, Liszt was heard to a distinct disadvantage.
+He wrote articles about himself in the musical
+papers&mdash;a practice that his disciples have not
+failed to emulate&mdash;and in an article on Thalberg
+displayed his bad taste in abusing what he could
+not imitate. Oh yes, Liszt was a great thief.
+His piano music&mdash;I mean his so-called original
+music&mdash;is nothing but Chopin and brandy.
+His pyrotechnical effects are borrowed from Paganini,
+and as soon as a new head popped up over
+the musical horizon he helped himself to its
+hair. So in his piano music we find a conglomeration
+of other men's ideas, other men's figures.
+When he wrote for orchestra the hand is the hand
+of Liszt, but the voice is that of Hector Berlioz.
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>
+I never could quite see Liszt. He hung on to
+Chopin until the suspicious Pole got rid of him
+and then he strung after Wagner. I do not mean
+that Liszt was without merit, but I do assert
+that he should have left the piano a piano, and not
+tried to transform it to a miniature orchestra.</p>
+
+<p>Let us consider some of his compositions.</p>
+
+<p>Liszt began with machine-made fantasias on
+faded Italian operas&mdash;not, however, faded in his
+time. He devilled these as does the culinary
+artist the crab of commerce. He peppered and
+salted them and then giving for a background a
+real New Jersey thunderstorm, the concoction
+was served hot and smoking. Is it any wonder
+that as Mendelssohn relates, the Liszt audience
+always stood on the seats to watch him dance
+through the <i>Lucia</i> fantasia? Now every school
+girl jigs this fatuous stuff before she mounts her
+bicycle.</p>
+
+<p>And the new critics, who never heard Thalberg,
+have the impertinence to flout him, to make
+merry at his fantasias. Just compare the <i>Don
+Juan</i> of Liszt and the <i>Don Juan</i> of Thalberg!
+See which is the more musical, the more pianistic.
+Liszt, after running through the gamut of operatic
+extravagance, began to paraphrase movements
+from Beethoven symphonies, bits of quartets,
+Wagner overtures and every nondescript thing
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>
+he could lay his destructive hands on. How he
+maltreated the <i>Tannh&auml;user</i> overture we know
+from Josef Hofmann's recent brilliant but ineffectual
+playing of it. Wagner, being formless and
+all orchestral color, loses everything by being
+transferred to the piano. Then, sighing for fresh
+fields, the rapacious Magyar seized the tender
+melodies of Schubert, Schumann, Franz and
+Brahms and forced them to the block. Need
+I tell you that their heads were ruthlessly
+chopped and hacked? A special art-form like
+the song that needs the co-operation of poetry
+is robbed of one-half its value in a piano transcription.
+By this time Liszt had evolved a style of
+his own, a style of shreds and patches from the
+raiment of other men. His style, like Joseph's
+coat of many colors, appealed to pianists because
+of its factitious brilliancy.</p>
+
+<p>The cement of brilliancy Liszt always contrived
+to cover his most commonplace compositions
+with. He wrote etudes <i>&agrave; la</i> Chopin; clever, I
+admit, but for my taste his Opus One, which he
+afterwards dressed up into <i>Twelve Etudes
+Transcendentales</i>&mdash;listen to the big, boastful
+title!&mdash;is better than the furbished up later collection.
+His three concert studies are Chopinish;
+his <i>Waldesrauschen</i> is pretty, but leads nowhere;
+his <i>Ann&eacute;es des P&egrave;lerinage</i> sickly with
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span>
+sentimentalism; his <i>Dante Sonata</i> a horror; his
+<i>B-minor Sonata</i> a madman's tale signifying froth
+and fury; his legendes, ballades, sonettes, Benedictions
+in out of the way places, all, all with
+choral attachments, are cheap, specious, artificial
+and insincere. Theatrical Liszt was to a virtue,
+and his continual worship of God in his music is
+for me monotonously blasphemous.</p>
+
+<p>The Rhapsodies I reserve for the last. They
+are the nightmare curse of the pianist, with their
+rattle-trap harmonies, their helter-skelter melodies,
+their vulgarity and cheap bohemianism.
+They all begin in the church and end in the tavern.
+There is a fad just now for eating ill-cooked food
+and drinking sour Hungarian wine to the accompaniment
+of a wretched gypsy circus called a
+Czardas. Liszt's rhapsodies irresistibly remind
+me of a cheap, tawdry, dirty <i>table d'h&ocirc;te</i>, where
+evil-smelling dishes are put before you, to be
+whisked away and replaced by evil-tasting
+messes. If Liszt be your god, why then give
+me Czerny, or, better still, a long walk in the
+woods, humming with nature's rhythms. I
+think I'll read <i>Walden</i> over again. Now do
+you think I am as amiable as I look?</p>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>
+<h2>X</h2>
+
+<h3>BACH&mdash;ONCE, LAST, AND ALL THE TIME</h3>
+
+
+<p>I'm an old, old man. I've seen the world of
+sights, and I've listened eagerly, aye,
+greedily, to the world of sound, to that sweet,
+maddening concourse of tones civilized Caucasians
+agree is the one, the only art. I, too, have
+had my mad days, my days of joys uncontrolled&mdash;doesn't
+Walt Whitman say that somewhere?&mdash;I've
+even rioted in Verdi. Ah, you are surprised!
+You fancied I knew my Czerny <i>et voil&agrave; tout</i>? Let
+me have your ear. I've run the whole gamut of
+musical composers. I once swore by Meyerbeer.
+I came near worshiping Wagner, the early
+Wagner, and today I am willing to acknowledge
+that <i>Die Meistersinger</i> is the very apex of a
+modern polyphonic score. I adored Spohr and
+found good in Auber. In a word, I had my little
+attacks of musical madness, for all the world like
+measles, scarlet fever, chicken-pox, and the
+mumps.</p>
+
+<p>As I grew older my task clarified. Having
+admired Donizetti, there was no danger of being
+seduced by the boisterous, roystering Mascagni.
+Knowing Mozart almost by heart, Gounod and his
+pallid imitations did not for an instant impose on
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>
+me. Ah! I knew them all, these vampires who
+not only absorb a dead man's ideas, but actually
+copy his style, hoping his interment included
+his works as well as his mortal remains. Being
+violently self-conscious, I sought as I passed
+youth and its dangerous critical heats to analyze
+just why I preferred one man's music to another's.
+Why was I attracted to Brahms whilst Wagner
+left me cold? Why did Schumann not appeal
+to me as much as Mendelssohn? Why Mozart
+more than Beethoven? At last, one day, and not
+many years ago, I cried aloud, "Bach, it is Bach
+who does it, Bach who animates the wooden,
+lifeless limbs of these classicists, these modern
+men. Bach&mdash;once, last, and all the time."</p>
+
+<p>And so it came about that with my prying nose
+I dipped into all composers, and found that the
+houses they erected were stable in the exact
+proportion that Bach was used in the foundations.
+If much Bach, then granted talent, the
+man reared a solid structure. If no Bach, then
+no matter how brilliant, how meteoric, how sensational
+the talents, smash came tumbling down
+the musical mansion, smash went the fellow's
+hastily erected palace. Whether it is Perosi&mdash;who
+swears by Bach and doesn't understand or
+study him&mdash;or Mascagni or Massenet, or any of
+the new school, the result is the same. Bach is
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span>
+the touchstone. Look at Verdi, the Verdi of
+<i>Don Carlo</i> and the Verdi who planned and built
+<i>Falstaff</i>. Mind you, it is not that big fugued
+finale&mdash;surely one of the most astounding operatic
+codas in existence&mdash;that carries me away. It
+is the general texture of the work, its many voices,
+like the sweet mingled roar of Buttermilk Falls,
+that draws me to <i>Falstaff</i>. It is because of Bach
+that I have forsworn my dislike of the later Wagner,
+and unlearned my disgust at his overpowering
+sensuousness. The web he spins is too
+glaring for my taste, but its pattern is so lovely,
+so admirable, that I have grown very fond of <i>The
+Mastersingers</i>.</p>
+
+<p>Bach is in all great, all good compositions, and
+especially is he a test for modern piano music.
+The monophonic has been done to the death by a
+whole tribe of shallow charlatans, who, under the
+pretence that they wrote in a true piano style,
+literally debauched several generations of students.
+Shall I mention names? Better disturb
+neither the dead nor the quick. In the matter
+of writing for more voices than one we have
+retrograded considerably since the days of
+Bach. We have, to be sure, built up a more complex
+harmonic system, beautiful chords have
+been invented, or rather re-discovered&mdash;for in
+Bach all were latent&mdash;but, confound it, children!
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>
+these chords are too slow, too ponderous in gait
+for me. Music is, first of all, motion, after that
+emotion. I like movement, rhythmical variety,
+polyphonic life. It is only in a few latter-day
+composers that I find music that moves, that
+sings, that thrills.</p>
+
+<p>How did I discover that Bach was in the very
+heart of Wagner? In the simplest manner. I
+began playing the <i>E-flat minor Prelude</i> in the
+first book of the <i>Well-tempered Clavichord</i>, and
+lo! I was transported to the opening of <i>G&ouml;tterd&auml;mmerung</i>.</p>
+
+<p>Pretty smart boy that Richard Geyer to know
+his Bach so well! Yet the resemblance is far
+fetched, is only a hazy similarity. The triad of
+E-flat minor is common property, but something
+told me Wagner had been browsing on Bach;
+on this particular prelude had, in fact, got a
+starting point for the Norn music. The more
+I studied Wagner, the more I found Bach, and the
+more Bach, the better the music. Chopin knew
+his Bach backwards, hence the surprisingly fresh,
+vital quality of his music, despite its pessimistic
+coloring. Schumann loved Bach and built his
+best music on him, Mendelssohn re-discovered
+him, whilst Beethoven played the <i>Well-tempered
+Clavichord</i> every day of his life.</p>
+
+<p>All <i>my</i> pupils study the <i>Inventions</i> before they
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>
+play Clementi or Beethoven, and what well-springs
+of delight are these two- and three-part
+pieces! Take my word for it, if you have mastered
+them you may walk boldly up to any of the
+great, insolent forty-eight sweet-tempered preludes
+and fugues and overcome them. Study
+Bach say I to every one, but study him sensibly.
+Tausig, the greatest pianist the world has yet
+heard, edited about twenty preludes and fugues
+from the Clavichord. These he gave his pupils
+<i>after</i> they had played Chopin's opus 10. Strange
+idea, isn't it? Before that they played the
+<i>Inventions</i>, the symphonies, the <i>French</i> and
+<i>English Suites</i>&mdash;Klindworth's edition of the
+latter is excellent&mdash;and the <i>Partitas</i>. Then, I
+should say, the Italian concert and that excellent
+three-voiced fugue in A minor, so seldom heard
+in concert. It is pleasing rather than deep in
+feeling, but how effective, how brilliant! Don't
+forget the toccatas, fantasias, and capriccios.
+Such works as <i>The Art of Fugue</i> and others of
+the same class show us Father Bach in his working
+clothes, earnest if not exactly inspired.</p>
+
+<p>But in his moments of inspiration what a
+genius! What a singularly happy welding of
+manner and matter! The <i>Chromatic Fantasia</i>
+is to me greater than any of the organ works,
+with the possible exception of the <i>G minor</i>
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>
+<i>Fantasia</i>. Indeed, I think it greater than its
+accompanying <i>D minor Fugue</i>. In it are the
+harmonic, melodic, and spiritual germs of
+modern music. The restless tonalities, the
+agitated, passionate, desperate, dramatic recitatives,
+the emotional curve of the music, are not
+all these modern, only executed in such a
+transcendental fashion as to beggar imitation?</p>
+
+<p>Let us turn to the <i>Well-tempered Clavichord</i>
+and bow the knee of submission, of admiration,
+of worship. I use the Klindworth, the Busoni
+and sometimes the Bischoff edition, never Kroll,
+never Czerny. I think it was the latter who once
+excited my rage when I found the C sharp major
+prelude transposed to the key of D flat! This
+outrageous proceeding pales, however, before the
+infamous behavior of Gounod, who dared&mdash;the
+sacrilegious Gaul!&mdash;to place upon the wonderful
+harmonies of the master of masters a cheap,
+tawdry, vulgar tune. Gounod deserved oblivion
+for this. I think I have my favorites, and for a
+day delude myself that I prefer certain preludes,
+certain fugues, but a few hours' study of its next-door
+neighbor and I am intoxicated with <i>its</i>
+beauties. We have all played and loved the
+<i>C minor Prelude</i> in Book one&mdash;Cramer made a
+study on memories of this&mdash;and who has not
+felt happy at its wonderful fugue! Yet a few
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span>
+pages on is a marvelous <i>Fugue in C sharp minor</i>
+with five voices that slowly crawl to heaven's
+gate. Jump a little distance and you land in the
+<i>E flat Fugue</i> with its assertiveness, its cocksure
+subject, and then consider the pattering, gossiping
+one in E minor. If you are in the mood, has there
+ever been written a brighter, more amiable,
+graceful prelude than the eleventh in F? Its
+germ is perhaps the <i>F major Invention</i>, the
+eighth. A marked favorite of mine is the
+fifteenth fugue in G. There's a subject for
+you and what a jolly length!</p>
+
+<p>Bach could spin music as a spider spins its
+nest, from earth to the sky and back again. Did
+you ever hear Rubinstein play the <i>B-flat Prelude
+and Fugue?</i> If you have not, count something
+missed in your life. He made the prelude as
+light as a moonbeam, but there was thunder in the
+air, the clouds floated away, airy nothings in the
+blue, and then celestial silence. Has any
+modern composer written music in which is
+packed as much meaning, as much sorrow as
+may be found in the <i>B-flat minor Prelude?</i> It
+is the matrix of all modern musical emotion.</p>
+
+<p>I don't know why I persist in saying "modern,"
+as if there is any particular feeling, emotion, or
+sensation discovered and exploited by the man
+of this time that men of other ages did not experience!
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>
+But before Bach I knew no one who
+ranged the keyboard of the emotions so freely,
+so profoundly, so poignantly.</p>
+
+<p>Touching on his technics, I may say that they
+require of the pianist's fingers individualization
+and, consequently, a flexibility that is spiritual as
+well as material. The diligent daily study of
+Bach will form your style, your technics, better
+than all machines and finger exercises. But
+play him as if he were human, a contemporary
+and not a historical reminiscence. Yes, you may
+indulge in <i>rubato</i>. I would rather hear it in Bach
+than in Chopin. Play Bach as if he still composed&mdash;he
+does&mdash;and drop the nonsense about traditional
+methods of performance. He would
+alter all that if he were alive today.</p>
+
+<p>I know but one Bach anecdote, and that I have
+never seen in print. The story was related to me
+by a pupil of Reinecke, and Reinecke got it from
+Mendelssohn. Bach, so it appears, was in the
+habit of practising every day in the Thomas-Kirche
+at Leipsic, and one day several of his
+sons, headed by the naughty Friedmann, resolved
+to play a joke on their good old father. Accordingly,
+they repaired to the choir loft, got the bellows-blower
+away, and started in to give the
+Master a surprise. They tied the handle of the
+bellows to the door of the choir, and with a long
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span>
+rope fastened to the outside knob they pulled
+the door open and shut, and of course the wind
+ran low. Johann Sebastian&mdash;who looked more
+like E. M. Bowman than E. M. B. himself&mdash;suddenly
+found himself clawing ivory. He rose
+and went softly to the rear. Discovering no
+blower, he investigated, and began to gently haul
+in the line. When it was all in several boys were
+at the end of it. Did he whip them? Not he.
+He locked the door, tied them to the bellows and
+sternly bade them blow. They did. Then the
+archangel of music went back to his bench and
+composed the famous <i>Wedge</i> fugue. How true
+all this is I know not, but anyhow it is quaint
+enough. Let me end this exhortation by quoting
+some words of Eduard Remenyi from his fantastic
+essay on Bach: "If you want music for your own
+and music's sake&mdash;look up to Bach. If you
+want music which is as absolutely full of meaning
+as an egg is full of meat&mdash;look up to Bach."</p>
+
+<p>Look up to Bach. Sound advice. Profit by it.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span>
+<h2>XI</h2>
+
+<h3>SCHUMANN: A VANISHING STAR</h3>
+
+
+<p>The missing meteors of November minded
+me of the musical reputations I have seen
+rise, fill mid-heaven with splendor, pale,
+and fade into ineffectual twilight. Alas! it is one
+of the bitter things of old age, one of its keen tortures,
+to listen to young people, to hear their
+superb boastings, and to know how short-lived
+is all art, music the most evanescent of them all.
+When I was a boy the star of Schumann was just
+on the rim of the horizon; what glory! what a
+planet swimming freely into the glorious constellation!
+Beethoven was clean obscured by
+the romantic mists that went to our heads like
+strong, new wine, and made us drunk with joy.
+How neat, dapper, respectable and antique
+Mendelssohn! Being Teutonic in our learnings,
+Chopin seemed French and dandified&mdash;the
+Slavic side of him was not yet in evidence to our
+unanointed vision. Schubert was a divinely
+awkward stammerer, and Liszt the brilliant
+centipede amongst virtuosi. They were rapturous
+days and we fed full upon Jean Paul
+Richter, Hoffmann, moonshine and mush.</p>
+
+<p>What the lads and lassies of ideal predilections
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span>
+needed was a man like Schumann, a dreamer of
+dreams, yet one who pinned illuminative tags to
+his visions to give them symbolical meanings,
+dragged in poetry by the hair, and called the
+composite, art. Schumann, born mentally sick,
+a man with the germs of insanity, a pathological
+case, a literary man turned composer&mdash;Schumann,
+I say, topsy-turvied all the newly born
+and, without knowing it, diverted for the time
+music from its true current. He preached
+Brahms and Chopin, but practised Wagner&mdash;he
+was the forerunner to Wagner, for he was the
+first composer who fashioned literature into tone.</p>
+
+<p>Doesn't all this sound revolutionary? An old
+fellow like me talking this way, finding old-fashioned
+what he once saw leave the bank of
+melody with the mintage glitteringly fresh!
+Yet it is so. I have lived to witness the rise of
+Schumann and, please Apollo, I shall live to see
+the eclipse of Wagner. Can't you read the handwriting
+on the wall? <i>Dinna ye hear the slogan</i>
+of the realists? No music rooted in bookish
+ideas, in literary or artistic movements, will
+survive the mutations of the <i>Zeitgeist</i>. Schumann
+reared his palace on a mirage. The inside
+he called Bachian&mdash;but it wasn't. In variety
+of key-color perhaps; but structurally no symphony
+may be built on Bach, for a sufficient
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span>
+reason. Schumann had the great structure
+models before him; he heeded them not. He
+did not pattern after the three master-architects,
+Haydn, Mozart, and Beethoven; gave no time
+to line, fascinated as he was by the problems of
+color. But color fades. Where are the Turners
+of yester-year? Form and form only endures,
+and so it has come to pass that of his four symphonies,
+not one is called great in the land where
+he was king for a day. The B-flat is a pretty
+suite, the C-major inutile&mdash;always barring the
+lyric episodes&mdash;the D-minor a thing of shreds
+and patches, and the <i>Rhenish</i>&mdash;muddy as the
+river Rhine in winter time.</p>
+
+<p>The <i>E-flat piano Quintet</i> will live and also the
+piano concerto&mdash;originally a fantasia in one
+movement. Thus Schumann experimented and
+built, following the line of easiest resistance,
+which is the poetic idea. If he had patterned as
+has Brahms, he would have sternly put aside his
+childish romanticism, left its unwholesome if
+captivating shadows, and pushed bravely into the
+open, where the sun and moon shine without
+the blur and miasma of a <i>decadent</i> literature.
+But then we should not have had Schumann.
+It was not to be, and thus it is that his is a name
+with a musical sigh, a name that evokes charming
+memories, and also, I must admit, a name that
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>
+gently plucks at one's heart-strings. His songs
+are sweet, yet never so spontaneous as Schubert's,
+so astringently intellectual as Robert Franz's.
+His opera, his string quartets&mdash;how far are the
+latter from the noble, self-contained music in
+this form of Beethoven and Brahms!&mdash;and his
+choral compositions are already in the sad, gray
+<i>penumbra</i> of the negligible. His piano music is
+without the clear, chiseled contours of Chopin,
+without a definite, a great style, yet&mdash;the piano
+music of Schumann, how lovely some of it is!</p>
+
+<p>I will stop my heartless heart-to-heart talk.
+It is too depressing, these vagaries, these senile
+ramblings of a superannuated musician. Ah,
+me! I too was once in Arcady, where the shepherds
+bravely piped original and penetrating
+tunes, where the little shepherdesses danced to
+their lords and smiled sweet porcelain smiles.
+It was all very real, this music of the middle
+century, and it was written for the time, it suited
+the time, and when the time passed, the music
+with the men grew stale, sour, and something to
+be avoided, like the leer of a creaking, senescent
+<i>beau</i>, like the rouge and grimace of a debile
+<i>coquette</i>. My advice then is, enjoy the music
+of your epoch, for there is no such thing as music
+of the future. It is always music of the present.
+Schumann has had his day, Wagner is having
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>
+his, and Brahms will be ruler of all tomorrow.
+<i>Eheu Fugaces!</i></p>
+
+<p>There was a time, <i>mes enfants</i>, when I played
+at all the Schumann piano music. The <i>Abegg</i>
+variations, the <i>Papillons</i>, the <i>Intermezzi</i>&mdash;"an
+extension of the <i>Papillons</i>," said Schumann&mdash;<i>Die
+Davidsb&uuml;ndler</i>, that wonderful <i>toccata in C</i>,
+the best double-note study in existence&mdash;because
+it is music first, technics afterward&mdash;the
+seldom attempted <i>Allegro, opus 8</i>, the
+<i>Carnaval</i>, tender and dazzling miniatures, the
+twelve settings of Paganini, much more musical
+than Liszt's, the <i>Impromptus</i>, a delicate compliment
+to his Clara. It is always Clara with this
+Robert, like that other Robert, the strong-souled
+English husband of Elizabeth Browning. Schumann's
+whole life romance centered in his wife.
+A man in love with his wife and that man a
+musician! Why, the entire episode must seem
+abnormal to the flighty, capricious younger set,
+the Bayreuth set, for example. But it was an
+ideal union, the woman a sympathetic artist,
+the composer writing for her, writing songs,
+piano music, even criticism for and about her.
+Decidedly one of the prettiest and most wholesome
+pictures in the history of any art.</p>
+
+<p>Then I attacked the <i>F-sharp Minor Sonata</i>,
+with its wondrous introduction like the vast,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>
+somber portals to some fantastic Gothic pile.
+The <i>Fantasiest&uuml;cke opus 12</i>, still remain Schumann
+at his happiest, and easiest comprehended.
+The <i>Symphonic Variations</i> are the greatest of all,
+greater than the <i>Concerto</i> or the <i>Fantasie in C</i>.
+These almost persuade one that their author is a
+fit companion for Beethoven and Chopin. There
+is invention, workmanship, and a solidity that
+never for a moment clashes with the tide of
+romantic passion surging beneath. Here he
+strikes fire and the blaze is glorious.</p>
+
+<p>The <i>F-minor Sonata</i>&mdash;the so-called <i>Concert
+sans orchestre</i>&mdash;a truncated, unequal though
+interesting work; the <i>Arabesque</i>, the <i>Blumenst&uuml;ck</i>,
+the marvelous and too seldom played
+<i>Humoreske</i>, opus 20, every one throbbing with
+feeling; the eight <i>Novelletten</i>, almost, but not
+quite successful attempts at a new form; the
+genial but unsatisfactory <i>G-minor Sonata</i>, the
+<i>Nachtst&uuml;cke</i>, and the <i>Vienna Carnaval</i>, opus 26,
+are not all of these the unpremeditated outpourings
+of a genuine poet, a poet of sensibility,
+of exquisite feeling?</p>
+
+<p>I must not forget those idylls of childhood, the
+<i>Kinderscenen</i>, the half-crazy <i>Kreisleriana</i>, true
+soul-states, nor the <i>Fantasie, opus 17</i>, which lacks
+a movement to make it an organic whole. Consider
+the little pieces, like the three romances,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>
+opus 28, the opus 32, the <i>Album for the Young,
+opus 68</i>, the four fugues, four marches, the
+<i>Waldscenen</i>&mdash;Oh, never-to-be-forgotten <i>Vogel
+als Prophet</i> and <i>Trock'ne Blumen</i>&mdash;the <i>Concertst&uuml;ck,
+opus 92</i>, the second <i>Album for the Young</i>,
+the <i>Three Fantasy Pieces, opus 111</i>, the <i>Bunte
+Bl&auml;tter</i>&mdash;do you recall the one in F-sharp minor
+so miraculously varied by Brahms, or that appealing
+one in A-flat? The <i>Albumbl&auml;tter, opus 124</i>,
+the seven pieces in fughetta form, the never-played
+<i>Concert allegro in D-minor, opus 134</i>,
+or the two posthumous works, the <i>Scherzo</i> and
+the <i>Presto Passionata</i>.</p>
+
+<p>Have I forgotten any? No doubt. I am
+growing weary, weary of all this music, opiate
+music, prismatic music, "dreary music"&mdash;as
+Schumann himself called his early stuff&mdash;and
+the somber peristaltic music of his "lonesome,
+latter years." Schumann is now for the very
+young, for the self-illuded. We care more&mdash;being
+sturdy realists&mdash;for architecture today.
+These crepuscular visions, these adventures of
+the timid soul on sad white nights, these soft
+croonings of love and sentiment are out of joint
+with the days of electricity and the worship of the
+golden calf. Do not ask yourself with cynical
+airs if Schumann is not, after all, second-rate, but
+rather, when you are in the mood, enter his house
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>
+of dreams, his home beautiful, and rest your
+nerves. Robert Schumann may not sip ambrosial
+nectar with the gods in highest Valhall,
+but he served his generation; above all, he made
+happy one noble woman. When his music is
+shelved and forgotten, the name of the Schumanns
+will stand for that rarest of blessings,
+conjugal felicity.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>
+<h2><a name="XII" id="XII"></a>XII</h2>
+
+<h3>"WHEN I PLAYED FOR LISZT"</h3>
+
+
+<p>To write from Bayreuth in the spring-time as
+Wagner sleeps calmly in the backyard of
+<i>Wahnfried</i>, without a hint of his music in
+the air, is giving me one of the deepest satisfactions
+of my existence. How came you in Bayreuth,
+and, of all seasons in the year, the spring?
+The answer may astonish you; indeed, I am astonished
+myself when I think of it. Liszt,
+Franz Liszt, greatest of pianists&mdash;after Thalberg&mdash;greatest
+of modern composers&mdash;after no one&mdash;Liszt
+lies out here in the cemetery on the
+Erlangerstrasse, and to visit that forlorn pagoda
+designed by his grandson Siegfried Wagner, I
+left my comfortable lodgings in Munich and
+traveled an entire day.</p>
+
+<p>Now let me whisper something in your ear&mdash;I
+once studied with Liszt at Weimar! Does
+this seem incredible to you? An adorer of
+Thalberg, nevertheless, once upon a time I
+pulled up stakes at Paris and went to the abode
+of Liszt and played for him exactly once. This
+was a half-century ago. I carried letters from a
+well-known Parisian music publisher, Liszt's
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>
+own, and was therefore accorded a hearing.
+Well do I recall the day, a bright one in April.
+His Serene Highness was at that time living on
+the Altenberg, and to see him I was forced to as
+much patience and diplomacy as would have
+gained me admittance to a royal household.</p>
+
+<p><i>Endlich</i>, the fatal moment arrived. Surrounded
+by a band of disciples, crazy fellows all&mdash;I
+discovered among the rest the little figure of
+Karl Tausig&mdash;the great man entered the <i>saal</i>
+where I tremblingly sat. He was very amiable.
+He read the letters I timidly presented him, and
+then, slapping me on the back with an expression
+of <i>bonhomie</i>, he cried aloud in French: "<i>Tiens!</i>
+let us hear what this admirer of my old friend
+Thalberg has to say for himself on the keyboard!"
+I did not miss the veiled irony of the speech, the
+word <i>friend</i> being ever so lightly underlined; I
+knew of the famous Liszt-Thalberg <i>duello</i>, during
+which so much music and ink had been spilt.</p>
+
+<p>But my agony! The <i>via dolorosa</i> I traversed
+from my chair to the piano! Since then the
+modern school of painter-impressionists has come
+into fashion. I understand perfectly the mental,
+may I say the optical, attitude of these artists to
+landscape subjects. They must gaze upon a tree,
+a house, a cow, with their nerves at highest
+tension until everything quivers; the sky is
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span>
+bathed in magnetic rays, the background trembles
+as it does in life. So to me was the lofty
+chamber wherein I stood on that fateful afternoon.
+Liszt, with his powerful profile, the profile
+of an Indian chieftain, lounged in the window embrasure,
+the light streaking his hair, gray and
+brown, and silhouetting his brow, nose, and
+projecting chin. He alone was the illuminated
+focus of this picture which, after a half-century,
+is brilliantly burnt into my memory. His pupils
+were mere wraiths floating in a misty dream,
+with malicious white points of light for eyes. And
+I felt like a disembodied being in this spectral
+atmosphere.</p>
+
+<p>Yet urged by an hypnotic will I went to the
+piano, lifted the fall-board, and in my misery I
+actually paused to read the maker's name. A
+whisper, a smothered chuckle, and a voice uttering
+these words: "He must have begun as a
+piano-salesman," further disconcerted me. I
+fell on to the seat and dropped my fingers upon
+the keys. Facing me was the Ary Scheffer
+portrait of Chopin, and without knowing why I
+began the weaving Prelude in D-major. My
+insides shook like a bowl of jelly; yet I was
+outwardly as calm as the growing grass. My
+hands did not falter and the music seemed to
+ooze from my wrists. I had not studied in vain
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span>
+Thalberg's <i>Art of Singing on the Piano</i>. I
+finished. There was a murmur; nothing more.</p>
+
+<p>Then Liszt's voice cut the air:</p>
+
+<p>"I expected Thalberg's tremolo study," he
+said. I took the hint and arose.</p>
+
+<p>He permitted me to kiss his hand, and, without
+stopping for my hat and walking-stick in
+the antechamber, I went away to my lodgings.
+Later I sent a servant for the forgotten articles,
+and the evening saw me in a diligence miles from
+Weimar. But I had played for Liszt!</p>
+
+<p>Now, the moral of all this is that my testimony
+furthermore adds to the growing mystery of
+Franz Liszt. He heard hundreds of such pianists
+of my caliber, and, while he never committed
+himself&mdash;for he was usually too kind-hearted to
+wound mediocrity with cruel criticism, yet he
+seldom spoke the unique word except to such
+men as Rubinstein, Tausig, Joseffy, d'Albert,
+Rosenthal, or von B&uuml;low. A miraculous sort of
+a man, Liszt was ever pouring himself out upon
+the world, body, soul, brains, art, purse&mdash;all
+were at the service of his fellow-beings. That
+he was imposed upon is a matter of course; that
+he never did an unkind act in his life proves
+him to have been Cardinal Newman's definition
+of a gentleman: "One who never inflicts pain."
+And only now is the real significance of the man
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span>
+as a composer beginning to be revealed. Like a
+comet he swept the heavens of his early youth.
+He was a marvelous virtuoso who mistook the
+piano for an orchestra and often confounded the
+orchestra with the piano. As a pianist pure and
+simple I prefer Sigismund Thalberg; but, as a
+composer, as a man, an extraordinary personality,
+Liszt quite filled my firmament.</p>
+
+<p>Setting aside those operatic arrangements and
+those clever, noisy Hungarian Rhapsodies, what a
+wealth of piano-music has not this man disclosed
+to us. Calmly read the thematic catalog of
+Breitkopf and H&auml;rtel and you will be amazed at
+its variety. Liszt has paraphrased inimitably
+songs by Schubert, Schumann, and Robert
+Franz, in which the perfumed flower of the composer's
+thoughts is never smothered by passage-work.
+Consider the delicious etude <i>Au bord
+d'une Source</i>, or the <i>Sonnets After Petrarch</i>, or
+those beautiful concert-studies in D-flat, F-minor,
+and A-flat; are they not models of genuine
+piano-music! The settings of Schubert marches
+Hanslick declared are marvels; and the <i>Transcendental
+Studies!</i> Are not keyboard limitations
+compassed? Chopin, a sick man physically,
+never dared as did Liszt. One was an &aelig;olian-harp,
+the other a hurricane. I never attempted
+to play these studies in their revised form; I
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span>
+content myself with the first sketches published
+as an opus 1. There the nucleus of each etude
+may be seen. Later Liszt expanded the <i>croquis</i>
+into elaborate frescoes. And yet they say that
+he had no thematic invention!</p>
+
+<p>Take up his B-minor sonata. Despite its
+length, an unheavenly length, it is one of the
+great works of piano-literature fit to rank with
+Beethoven's most sublime sonatas. It is epical.
+Have you heard Friedheim or Burmeister play it?
+I had hoped that Liszt would vouchsafe me a
+performance, but you have seen that I had not the
+courage to return to him. Besides, I wasn't
+invited. Once in Paris a Liszt pupil, George
+Leitert, played for me the <i>Dante Sonata</i>, a composition
+I heard thirty years later from the fingers
+of Arthur Friedheim. It is the <i>Divine Comedy</i>
+compressed within the limits of a piano-piece.
+What folly, I hear some one say! Not at all.
+In several of Chopin's Preludes&mdash;his supreme
+music&mdash;I have caught reflections of the sun, the
+moon, and the starry beams that one glimpses in
+lonely midnight pools. If Chopin could mirror
+the cosmos in twenty bars, why should not a
+greater tone-poet imprison behind the bars of his
+music the subtle soul of Dante?</p>
+
+<p>To view the range, the universality of Liszt's
+genius, it is only necessary to play such a tiny
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>
+piano-composition, <i>Eclogue</i>, from <i>Les Ann&eacute;es de
+P&egrave;lerinage</i> and then hear his <i>Faust Symphony</i>,
+his <i>Dante Symphony</i>, his Symphonic Poems.
+There's a man for you! as Abraham Lincoln once
+said of Walt Whitman. After carefully listening
+to the <i>Faust Symphony</i> it dawns on you that you
+have heard all this music elsewhere, filed out,
+triturated, cut into handy, digestible fragments;
+in a word, dressed up for operatic consumption,
+popularized. Yes, Richard Wagner dipped his
+greedy fingers into Liszt's scores as well as into
+his purse. He borrowed from the pure Rhinegold
+hoard of the Hungarian's genius, and forgot
+to credit the original. In music there are no
+quotation marks. That is the reason borrowing
+has been in vogue from Handel down.</p>
+
+<p>The <i>Ring of the Nibelungs</i> would not be heard
+today if Liszt had not written its theme in his
+<i>Faust Symphony</i>. <i>Parsifal</i> is altogether Lisztian,
+and a German writer on musical esthetics has
+pointed out recently, theme for theme, resemblance
+for resemblance, in this Liszt-Wagner
+<i>Verh&auml;ltniss</i>. Wagner owed everything to Liszt&mdash;from
+money to his wife, success, and art. A
+wonderful white soul was Franz Liszt. And he is
+only coming into his kingdom as a composer.
+Poor, petty, narrow-minded humanity could not
+realize that because a man was a pianist among
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span>
+pianists, he might be a composer among composers.
+I made the error myself. I, too,
+thought that the velvet touch of Thalberg was
+more admirable than the mailed warrior fist of
+Liszt. It is a mistake. And now, plumped on
+my knees in Liszt's Bayreuth tomb, I acknowledge
+my faults. Yes, he was a greater pianist than
+Thalberg. Can an old-fashioned fellow say
+more?</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span>
+<h2>XIII</h2>
+
+<h3>WAGNER OPERA IN NEW YORK</h3>
+
+
+<p>With genuine joy I sit once more in my old
+arm-chair and watch the brawling Wissahickon
+Creek, its banks draped with
+snow, while overhead the sky seems so friendly and
+blue. I am at Dussek Villa, I am at home; and
+I reproach myself for having been such a fool as
+ever to wander from it. Being a fussy but conscientious
+old bachelor, I scold myself when I
+am in the wrong, thus making up for the clattering
+tongue of an active wife. As I once related
+to you, I recently went to New York, and there
+encountered sundry adventures, not all of them
+of a diverting nature. One you know, and it
+reeks in my memory with stale cigars, witless
+talk, and all the other monotonous symbols of
+Bohemia. Ah, that blessed Bohemia, whose
+coast no man ever explored except gentle Will
+Shakespeare! It is no-man's-land; never was
+and never will be. Its misty, alluring signals
+have shipwrecked many an artistic mariner,
+and&mdash;but pshaw! I'm too old to moralize this
+way. Only young people moralize. It is their
+prerogative. When they live, when they fathom
+good and evil and their mysteries, charity will
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span>
+check their tongues, so I shall say no more of
+Bohemia. What I saw of it further convinced
+me of its undesirability, of its inutility.</p>
+
+<p>And now to my tale, now to finish forever the
+story of my experiences in Gotham! I declaimed
+violently against Tchaikovsky to my
+acquaintances of the hour, because my dislike
+to him is deep rooted; but I had still to encounter
+another modern musician, who sent me home
+with a headache, with nerves all jangling, a
+stomach soured, and my whole esthetic system
+topsy-turveyed and sorely wrenched. I heard
+for the first time Richard Wagner's <i>Die Walk&uuml;re</i>,
+and I've been sick ever since.</p>
+
+<p>I felt, with Louis Ehlert, that another such a
+performance would release my feeble spirit from
+its fleshly vestment and send it soaring to the
+angels, for surely all my sins would be wiped out,
+expiated, by the severe penance endured.</p>
+
+<p>Not feeling quite myself the day after my experiences
+with the music journalists, I strolled
+up Broadway, and, passing the opera-house,
+inspected the <i>menu</i> for the evening. I read,
+"<i>Die Walk&uuml;re</i>, with a grand cast," and I fell to
+wondering what the word <i>Walk&uuml;re</i> meant.
+I have an old-fashioned acquaintance with
+German, but never read a line or heard a word of
+Wagner's. Oh, yes; I forget the overture to
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span>
+<i>Rienzi</i>, which always struck me as noisy and
+quite in Meyerbeer's most vicious manner.
+But the Richard Wagner, the later Wagner, I
+read so much about in the newspapers, I knew
+nothing of. I do now. I wish I didn't.</p>
+
+<p>Says I to myself, "Here's a chance to hear this
+Walkover opera. So now or never." I went in,
+and, planking my dollar down, I said, "Give me
+the best seat you have." "Other box-office, on
+40th Street, please, for gallery." I was taken
+aback. "What!" I exclaimed, "do you ask a
+whole dollar for a gallery seat? How much,
+pray, for one down-stairs?" The young man
+looked at me curiously, but politely replied,
+"Five dollars, and they are all sold out." I
+went outside and took off my hat to cool my
+head. Five good dollars&mdash;a whole week's living
+and more&mdash;to listen to a Wagner opera! Whew!
+It must be mighty good music. Why I never
+paid more than twenty-five cents to hear Mozart's
+<i>Magic Flute</i>, and with Carlotta, Patti, Karl
+Formes, and&mdash;but what's the use of reminiscences?</p>
+
+<p>I could not make up my mind to spend so much
+money and I walked to Central Park, took several
+turns, and then came down town again. My
+mind was made up. I went boldly to the box-office
+and encountered the same young man.
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span>
+"Look here, my friend," I said, "I didn't ask
+you for a private box, but just a plain seat, one
+seat." "Sold out," he laconically replied and
+retired. Then I heard suspicious laughter.
+Rather dazed, I walked slowly to the sidewalk
+and was grabbed&mdash;there is no other word&mdash;by
+several rough men with tickets and big
+bunches of greenbacks in their grimy fists.
+"Tickets, tickets, fine seats for <i>De Volkyure</i>
+tonight." They yelled at me and I felt as if I
+were in the clutches of the "barkers" of a downtown
+clothing-house. I saw my chance and
+began dickering. At first I was asked fifteen
+dollars a seat, but seeing that I am apoplectic by
+temperament they came down to ten. I asked
+why this enormous tariff and was told that Van
+Dyck, Barnes, Nordica, Van Rooy, and heaven
+knows who besides, were in the cast. That
+settled it. I bargained and wrangled and finally
+escaped with a seat in the orchestra for seven
+dollars! Later I discovered it was not only in
+the orchestra, but quite near the orchestra, and
+on the brass and big drum side.</p>
+
+<p>When I reached the opera-house after my plain
+supper of ham and eggs and tea it must have been
+seven o'clock. I was told to be early and I was.
+No one else was except the ticket speculators,
+who, recognizing me, gave me another hard fight
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span>
+until I finally called a policeman. He smiled
+and told me to walk around the block until half-past
+seven, when the doors opened. But I was
+too smart and found my way back and everything
+open at 7.15, and my seat occupied by an overcoat.
+I threw it into the orchestra and later
+there was a fine row when the owner returned.
+I tried to explain, but the man was mad, and I
+advised him to go to his last home. Why even
+the ushers laughed. At 7.45 there were a few
+dressed up folks down stairs, and they mostly
+stared at me, for I kept my fur cap on to heat my
+head, and my suit, the best one I have, is a good,
+solid pepper-and-salt one. I didn't mind it in
+the least, but what worried me was the libretto
+which I tried to glance through before the curtain
+rose. In vain. The story would not come clear,
+although I saw I was in trouble when I read that
+the hero and heroine were brother and sister.
+Experience has taught me that family rows are
+the worst, and I wondered why Wagner chose
+such a dull, old-fashioned theme.</p>
+
+<p>The orchestra began to fill up and there was
+much chattering and noise. Then a little fellow
+with beard and eyeglasses hopped into the conductor's
+chair, the lights were turned off, and
+with a roar like a storm the overture began. I
+tried to feel thrilled, but couldn't. I had expected
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span>
+a new art, a new orchestration, but here I was on
+familiar ground, so familiar that presently I found
+myself wondering why Wagner had orchestrated
+the beginning of Schubert's <i>Erlking</i>. The noise
+began in earnest and by the light from a player's
+lamp I saw that the prelude was intended for a
+storm. "Ha!" I said, "then it was the <i>Erlking</i>
+after all." The curtain rose on an empty stage
+with a big tree in the middle and a fire burning on
+the hearth.</p>
+
+<p>There was no pause in the music at the end
+of the overture&mdash;did it really end?&mdash;which I
+thought funny. Then a man with big whiskers,
+wearing the skin of an animal, staggered in and
+fell before the fire. He seemed tired out and the
+music had a tired feeling too. A woman dressed
+in white entered and after staring for twenty
+bars got him a drink in a ram's horn. The
+music kept right on as if it were a symphony and
+not an opera. The yelling from the pair was
+awful, at least so it seemed to me. It appears
+that they were having family troubles and didn't
+know their own names. Then the orchestra
+began stamping and knocking, and a fellow with
+hawk wings in his helmet, a spear and a beard
+entered, and some one next to me said "There's
+the Hunding motive." Now I know my German,
+but I saw no dog, besides, what motive could the
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span>
+animal have had. The three people, a savage
+crew, sat down and talked to music, just plain
+talk, for I didn't hear a solitary tune. The girl
+went to bed and the man followed. The tenor
+had a long scene alone and the girl came back.
+They must have found out their names, for they
+embraced and after pulling an old sword out of
+the tree, they said a lot and went away. I was
+glad they had patched up the family trouble, but
+what became of the big, black-bearded fellow
+with the hawk wings in his helmet?</p>
+
+<p>The next act upset me terribly. I read my
+book, but couldn't make out why, if <i>Wotan</i> was
+the God of all and high much-a-muck, he didn't
+smash all his enemies, especially that cranky
+old woman of his, <i>Fricka?</i> What a pretty name!
+I got quite excited when Nordica sang a yelling
+sort of a scream high up on the rocks. Not at
+the music, however, but I expected her to fall
+over and break her neck. She didn't, and shouting
+Wagner's music at that. Why it would twist
+the neck of a giraffe! Quite at sea, I saw the
+brother and sister come in and violently quarrel,
+and Nordica return and sing a slumber song, for the
+sister slept and the brother looked cross. Then
+more gloom and a duel up in the clouds, and once
+more the curtain fell. I heard the celebrated <i>Ride
+of the Valkyries</i> and wondered if it was music or
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span>
+just a stable full of crazy colts neighing for oats.
+Dean Swift's Gulliver would have said the latter.
+I thought so. The howling of the circus girls up
+on the rocks paralyzed my faculties.</p>
+
+<p>It was a hideous saturnalia, and deafened by
+the brass and percussion instruments I tried to
+get away, but my neighbors protested and I was
+forced to sit and suffer. What followed was
+incomprehensible. The crazy amazons, the
+Walk-your-horses, and the disagreeable <i>Wotan</i>
+kept things in a perfect uproar for half an hour.
+Then the stage cleared and the father, after
+lecturing his daughter, put her to sleep under a
+tree. He must have been a mesmerist. Red
+fire ran over the stage, steam hissed, the orchestra
+rattled, and the bass roared. Finally,
+to tinkling bells and fourth of July fireworks, the
+curtain fell on the silliest pantomime I ever saw.</p>
+
+<p>The music? Ah, don't ask me now! Wait
+until my nerves get settled. It never stopped,
+and fast as it reeled off I recognized Bach,
+Mozart, Beethoven, Schumann, Weber&mdash;lots
+of Weber&mdash;Marschner, and Chopin. Yes, Chopin!
+The orchestration seemed overwrought
+and coarse and the form&mdash;well, formlessness is
+the only word to describe it. There was an
+infernal sort of skill in the instrumentation at
+times, a short-breathed juggling with other men's
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span>
+ideas, but no development, no final cadence.
+Everything in suspension until my ears fairly
+longed for one perfect resolution. Even in the
+<i>Spring Song</i> it does not occur. That tune is
+suspiciously Italian, for all Wagner's dislike of
+Italy.</p>
+
+<p>And this is your operatic hero today! This is
+your maker of music dramas! Pooh! it is neither
+fish nor flesh nor good red herring. Give me one
+page from the <i>Marriage of Figaro</i> or the finale to
+<i>Don Giovanni</i> and I will show you divine melody
+and great dramatic writing! But I'm old-fashioned,
+I suppose. I have since been told the
+real story of <i>Die Walk&uuml;re</i> and am dumfounded.
+It is all worse than I expected. Give me my
+Dussek, give me Mozart, let me breathe pure,
+sweet air after this hot-house music with its
+debauch of color, sound, action, and morals.
+I must have the grip, because even now as I
+write my mind seems tainted with the awful
+music of Richard Wagner, the arch fiend of
+music. I shall send for the doctor in the morning.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span>
+<h2>XIV</h2>
+
+<h3>A VISIT TO THE PARIS CONSERVATOIRE</h3>
+
+
+<p>I feel very much like the tutor of Prince
+Karl Heinrich in the pretty play <i>Old Heidelberg</i>.
+After a long absence he returned to
+Heidelberg where his student life had been
+happy&mdash;or at least had seemed so to him in the
+latter, lonesome years. Behold, he found the
+same reckless crowd, swaggering, carousing,
+flirting, dueling, debt-making, love-making, and
+occasionally studying. He liked it so well that,
+if I mistake not, the place killed him. I felt
+very much in the same position as the Doctor
+J&uuml;ttner of the play when I returned to Paris
+last summer. The <i>Conservatoire</i> is still in its
+old, crooked, narrow street; it is still a noisy
+sheol as one enters at the gate; and there is still
+the same old gang of callow youths and extremely
+pert misses going and coming. Only they all
+seem more sophisticated nowadays. They&mdash;naturally
+enough&mdash;know more than their daddies,
+and they show it. As they brushed past, literally
+elbowing me, they seemed contemptuously arrogant
+in their youthful exuberance. And yet, and
+yet&mdash;<i>ego in Arcadia!</i></p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span>
+I stood in the quadrangle and dreamed. Forty
+years ago&mdash;or is it fifty?&mdash;I had stood there before;
+but it was in the chilly month of November.
+I was young then, and I was very ambitious.
+The little Ohio town whose obscurity I had hoped
+to transform into fame&mdash;ah! these mad dreams
+of egotistical boyhood&mdash;did not resent my leaving
+it. It still stands where it was&mdash;stands still.
+I seem to have gone on, and yet I return to that
+little, dull, dilapidated town in my thoughts, for
+it was there I enjoyed the purple visions of music,
+where I fondly believed that I, too, might go
+forth into the world and make harmony. I did;
+but my harmony exercises were always returned
+full of blue marks. Such is life&mdash;and its lead-pencil
+ironies!</p>
+
+<p>To be precise as well as concise, I stood in the
+concierge's bureau some forty years ago and wondered
+if the secretary would see me. He did.
+After he had tortured me as to my age, parentage,
+nationality, qualifications, even personal habits,
+it occurred to him to ask me what I wanted in
+Paris. I told him, readily enough, that I had
+crossed the yeasty Atlantic in a sailing vessel&mdash;for
+motives of economy&mdash;that I might study the
+pianoforte in Paris. I remember that I also
+na&iuml;vely inquired the hours when M. Fran&ccedil;ois
+Liszt&mdash;he called him <i>Litz!</i>&mdash;gave his lessons.
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span>
+The secretary was too polite to laugh at my
+provincial ignorance, but he coughed violently
+several times. Then I was informed that M.
+Liszt never gave piano-lessons any time, any-where;
+that he was to be found in Weimar; but
+only by passed grand masters of the art of pianoforte-playing.
+Still undaunted, I insisted on
+entering my name amongst those who would
+compete at the forthcoming public examination.
+I was, as I said before, very young, very inexperienced,
+and I was alone, with just enough
+money to keep me for one year.</p>
+
+<p>I lived in a fourth-story garret in a little alley&mdash;you
+couldn't call it a street&mdash;just off the exterior
+boulevard. Whether it was the Clichy or the
+Batignolles doesn't matter very much now. How
+I lived was another affair&mdash;and also an object
+lesson for the young fellows who go abroad nowadays
+equipped with money, with clothes, with
+everything except humility. Judging from my
+weekly expenses in my native town, I supposed
+that Paris could not be very much higher in its
+living. So I took with me $600 in gold, which,
+partially an inheritance, partially saved and borrowed,
+was to last me two years. How I expected
+to get home was one of those things that I dared
+not reflect upon. Sufficient for the day are the
+finger exercises thereof! I paid $8 a month&mdash;about
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span>
+40 francs&mdash;for my lodgings. Heavens&mdash;what
+a room! It was so small that I undressed
+and dressed in the hall, always dark, for the
+reason that my bed, bureau, trunk, and upright
+piano quite crowded me out of the apartment.
+I could lie in bed and by reaching out
+my hands touch the keyboard of the little
+rattletrap of an instrument. But it was a piano,
+after all, and at it I could weave my musical
+dreams.</p>
+
+<p>I forgot to tell you that my eating and drinking
+did not cut important figures in my scheme of
+living. I had made up my mind early in my
+career that tobacco and beer were for millionaires.
+Coffee was the grand consoler, and with
+coffee, soup, bread, I managed to get through
+my work. I ate at a caf&eacute; frequented by cabmen,
+and for ten cents I was given soup, the meat of
+the soup&mdash;tasteless stuff&mdash;bread, and a potato.
+What more did an ambitious young man want?
+There were many not so well off as I. I took
+two meals a day, the first, coffee and milk with
+a roll. Then I starved until dark for my soup
+meat. I recall wintry days when I stayed in bed
+to keep warm, for I never could indulge in the
+luxury of fire, and with a pillow on my stomach
+I did my harmony lessons. The pillow, need
+I add, was to suppress the latent pangs of juvenile
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span>
+appetite. My one sorrow was my washing.
+With my means, fresh linen was out of the
+question. A flannel shirt, one; socks at intervals,
+and a silk handkerchief, my sole luxury, was the
+full extent of my wardrobe.</p>
+
+<p>When the wet rain splashed my face as I walked
+the boulevards on the morning of the examination
+I was not cast down. I had determined to do or
+die. With a hundred of my sort, both sexes and
+varying nationality, I was penned up in a room,
+one door of which opened on the stage of the
+Conservatory theater. I looked about me.
+Giggling girls in crumpled white dresses stalked
+up and down humming their arias, while shabbily
+dressed mothers gazed admiringly at them. Big
+boys and little, bad boys and good, slim, fat,
+stupid, shrewd boys, encircled me, and, as I was
+mature for my age, joked me about my senile
+appearance. I had a numbered card in my
+hand, No. 13, and all those who saw it shuddered,
+for the French are as stupid as old-time Southern
+"darkies." Something akin to the expectant
+feeling of the early Christian martyrs was experienced
+by all of us as a number was called
+aloud by a hoarse-voiced Cerberus, and the
+victim disappeared through the narrow door leading
+to the lions in the arena. At last, after some
+squabbling between No. 14 and No. 15, both of
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span>
+whom thought they had precedence over No. 13,
+I went forth to my fate.</p>
+
+<p>I came out upon a dimly lighted stage which
+held two grand pianofortes and several chairs.
+A colorless-looking individual read my card and
+with marked asperity asked for my music.
+Frightened, I told him I had brought none.
+There were murmurings and suppressed laughter
+in the dim auditorium. <i>There</i> sat the judges&mdash;I
+don't know how many, but one was a woman,
+and I hated her though I could not see her.
+She had a disagreeable laugh, and she let it
+loose when the assistant professor on the platform
+stumbled over the syllables of my very Teutonic
+name. I explained that I had memorized a
+Beethoven sonata, all the Beethoven sonatas,
+and that was the reason I left my music at home.
+This explanation was received in chilly silence,
+though I did not fail to note that it prejudiced the
+interrogating professor against me. He evidently
+took me for a superior person, and he then and
+there mentally proposed to set me down several
+pegs. I felt, rather than saw, all this in the
+twinkling of an eye. I sat down to the keyboard
+and launched forth into Beethoven's first <i>Sonata
+in F minor</i>, a favorite of mine. Ominous silence
+broken by the tapping of a nervous lead pencil in
+the hand of a nervous woman. I got through the
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span>
+movement and then a voice punctuated the stillness.</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, Mozart is <i>so</i> easy! Try something else!"
+And then I made my second mistake. I arose
+and, bowing to the invisible one in the gloom, I
+said: "That, was <i>not</i> Mozart, but Beethoven."
+There was an explosion of laughter, formidable,
+brutal. The feminine voice rose above it all in
+irritating accents.</p>
+
+<p>"Impertinent! And what a silly beard he
+has!" I sat down in despair, plucking at my
+fluffy chin-whiskers and wondering if they
+looked as frivolous as they felt.</p>
+
+<p>Nudged from dismal reverie, I saw the colorless
+professor with a music book in his hand.
+He placed it on the piano-desk and mumbled:
+"Very indifferent. Read this at sight." Puzzled
+by the miserable light, the still more wretched
+typography, I peered at the notes as peers a
+miser at the gold he is soon to lose. No avail.
+My vision was blurred, my fingers leaden.
+Suddenly I noticed that, whether through malicious
+intent or stupid carelessness, the book was
+upside down. Now, I knew my Bach fugues, if
+I may say it, backward. Something familiar
+about the musical text told me that before me,
+inverted, was the <i>C-sharp Major Prelude</i> in the
+first book of the <i>Well-tempered Clavichord</i>.
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span>
+Mechanically my fingers began that most delicious
+and light-hearted of caprices&mdash;I did not
+dare to touch the music&mdash;and soon I was rattling
+through it, all my thoughts three thousand miles
+away in a little Ohio town. When I had finished
+I arose in grim silence, took the music, held it
+toward the chief executioner, and said:</p>
+
+<p>"And upside down!"</p>
+
+<p>There was another outburst, and again that
+woman's voice was heard:</p>
+
+<p>"What a comedian is this young Yankee!"</p>
+
+<p>I left the stage without bowing, jostled the
+stupid doorkeeper, and fled through the room
+where the other numbers huddled like sheep for
+the slaughter. Seizing my hat I went out into
+the rain, and when the concierge tried to stop me
+I shook a threatening fist at him. He stepped
+back in a fine hurry, I assure you. When I came
+to my senses I found myself on my bed, my head
+buried in the pillows. Luckily I had no mirror,
+so I was spared the sight of my red, mortified
+face. That night I slept as if drugged.</p>
+
+<p>In the morning a huge envelope with an
+official seal was thrust through a crack in my
+door&mdash;there were many&mdash;and in it I found a
+notification that I was accepted as a pupil of
+the Paris <i>Conservatoire</i>. What a dream realized!
+But only to be shattered, for, so I was
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span>
+further informed, I had succeeded in one test
+and failed in another&mdash;my sight reading was
+not up to the high standard demanded. No
+wonder! Music reversed, and my fingers mechanically
+playing could be hardly called a fair
+sight-reading trial. Therefore, continued this
+implacable document, I would sit for a year in
+silence watching other pupils receiving their
+instruction. I was to be an <i>auditeur</i>, a listener&mdash;and
+all my musical castles came tumbling
+about my ears!</p>
+
+<p>What I did during that weary year of waiting
+cannot be told in one article; suffice it to say I
+sat, I heard, I suffered. If music-students of
+today experience kindred trials I pity them; but
+somehow or other I fancy they do not. Luxury
+is longed for too much; young men and young
+women will not make the sacrifices for art we
+oldsters did; and it all shows in the shallow,
+superficial, showy, empty, insincere pianoforte-playing
+of the day and hour.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span>
+<h2>XV</h2>
+
+<h3>TONE VERSUS NOISE</h3>
+
+
+<p>The tropical weather in the early part of last
+month set a dozen problems whizzing in
+my skull. Near my bungalow on the upper
+Wissahickon were several young men, camping
+out for the summer. One afternoon I was playing
+with great gusto a lovely sonata by Dussek&mdash;the
+one in A-flat&mdash;when I heard laughter, and,
+rising, I went to the window in an angry mood.
+Outside were two smiling faces, the patronizing
+faces of two young men.</p>
+
+<p>"Well!" said I, rather shortly.</p>
+
+<p>"It was like a whiff from the eighteenth century,"
+said a stout, dark young fellow.</p>
+
+<p>"A whiff that would dissipate the musical
+malaria of this," I cried, for I saw I had musicians
+to deal with. There was hearty laughter at this,
+and as young laughter warms the cockles of an
+old man's heart, I invited the pair indoors, and
+over some bottled ale&mdash;I despise your new-fangled
+slops&mdash;we discussed the Fine Arts. It is
+not the custom nowadays to capitalize the arts,
+and to me it reveals the want of respect in this
+headlong irreverent generation. To return to
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>
+my mutton&mdash;to my sheep: they told me they were
+pianists from New York or thereabouts, who had
+conceived the notion of spending the summer in
+a tent.</p>
+
+<p>"And what of your practising?" I slyly asked.
+Again they roared. "Why, old boy, you must be
+behind the times. We use a dumb piano the
+most part of the year, and have brought a three-octave
+one along." That set me going. "So
+you spend your vacation with the dumb, expecting
+to learn to speak, and yet you mock me because
+I play Dussek! Let me inform you, my young
+sirs, that this quaint, old-fashioned music, with
+its faint odor of the <i>rococo</i>, is of more satisfying
+musical value than all your modern gymnasiums.
+Of what use, pray, is your superabundant technics
+if you can't make music? Training your
+muscles and memorizing, you say? Fiddlesticks!
+The <i>Well-tempered Clavichord</i> for one
+hour a day is of more value to a pianist technically
+and musically than an army of mechanical devices.</p>
+
+<p>"I never see a latter-day pianist on his travels
+but I am reminded of a comedian with his rouge-pot,
+grease-paints, wigs, arms, and costumes.
+Without them, what is the actor? Without his
+finger-boards and exercising machines, what is
+the pianist of today? He fears to stop a moment
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span>
+because his rival across the street will be able
+to play the double-thirds study of Chopin in
+quicker <i>tempo</i>. It all hinges on velocity. This
+season there will be a race between Rosenthal
+and Sauer, to see who can vomit the greater number
+of notes. Pleasing, laudable ambition, is it
+not? In my time a piano artist read, meditated,
+communed much with nature, slept well, ate and
+drank well, saw much of society, and all his life
+was reflected in his play. There was sensibility&mdash;above
+all, sensibility&mdash;the one quality absent
+from the performances of your new pianists. I
+don't mean super-sickly emotion, nor yet sprawling
+passion&mdash;the passion that tears the wires to
+tatters, but a poetic sensibility that infused
+every bar with humanity. To this was added a
+healthy tone that lifted the music far above
+anything morbid or depressing."</p>
+
+<p>I continued in this strain until the dinner-bell
+rang, and I had to invite my guests to remain.
+Indeed, I was not sorry, for all old men need some
+one to talk to and at, else they fret and grow
+peevish. Besides, I was anxious to put my
+young masters to the test. I have a grand piano
+of good age, with a sounding-board like a fine-tempered
+fiddle. The instrument, an American
+one, I handle like a delicate thoroughbred horse,
+and, as my playing is accomplished by the use of
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span>
+my fingers and not my heels, the piano does not
+really betray its years.</p>
+
+<p>We dined not sumptuously but liberally, and
+with our pipes and coffee went to the music room.
+The lads, excited by my criticisms and good cheer,
+were eager for a demonstration at the keyboard.
+So was I. I let them play first. This is what I
+heard: The dark-skinned youth, who looked like
+the priestly and uninteresting Siloti, sat down
+and began idly preluding. He had good fingers,
+but they were spoiled by a hammer-like touch
+and the constant use of forearm, upper-arm, and
+shoulder pressure. He called my attention to
+his tone. Tone! He made every individual
+wire jangle, and I trembled for my smooth, well-kept
+action. Then he began the <i>B-minor Ballade</i>
+of Liszt. Now, this particular piece always exasperates
+me. If there is much that is mechanical
+and conventional in the Thalberg fantasies,
+at least they are frankly sensational and admittedly
+for display. But the Liszt <i>Ballade</i> is so
+empty, so pretentious, so affected! One expects
+that something is about to occur, but it never
+comes. There are the usual chromatic modulations
+leading nowhere and the usual portentous
+roll in the bass. The composition works up to
+as much silly display as ever indulged in by
+Thalberg. My pianist splashed and spluttered,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span>
+played chord-work straight from the shoulder,
+and when he had finished he cried out, "There
+is a dramatic close for you!"</p>
+
+<p>"I call it mere brutal noise," I replied, and he
+winked at his friend, who went to the piano without
+my invitation. Now, I did not care for the
+looks of this one, and I wondered if he, too, would
+display his biceps and his triceps with such force.
+But he was a different brand of the modern breed.
+He played with a small, gritty tone, and at a
+terrible speed, a foolish and fantastic derangement
+of Chopin's <i>D-flat Valse</i>. This he followed,
+at a break-neck <i>tempo</i>, with Brahms' dislocation
+of Weber's <i>C major Rondo</i>, sometimes called
+"the perpetual movement." It was all very
+wonderful, but was it music?</p>
+
+<p>"Gentlemen," I said, as I arose, pipe in hand,
+"you have both studied, and studied hard," and
+they settled themselves in their bamboo chairs
+with a look of resignation; "but have you studied
+well? I think not. I notice that you lay the
+weight of your work on the side of technics.
+Speed and a brutal <i>quasi</i>-orchestral tone seem to
+be your goal. Where is the music? Where
+has the airy, graceful valse of Chopin vanished?
+Encased, as you gave it, within hard, unyielding
+walls of double thirds, it lost all its spirit, all its
+evanescent hues. It is a butterfly caged. And
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span>
+do you call that music, that topsy-turvying of the
+Weber <i>Rondo?</i> Why, it sounds like a clock
+that strikes thirteen in the small hours of the
+night! And you, sir, with your thunderous and
+grandiloquent Liszt <i>Ballade</i>, do you call that
+pianoforte music, that constant striving for an
+aping of orchestral effects? Out upon it! It
+is hollow music&mdash;music without a soul. It is
+easier, much easier, to play than a Mozart
+sonata, despite all its tumbling about, despite
+all its notes. You require no touch-discrimination
+for such a piece. You have none. In
+your anxiety to compass a big tone you relinquish
+all attempts at finer shadings&mdash;at the <i>nuance</i>,
+in a word. Burly, brutal, and overloaded in
+your style, you make my poor grand groan without
+getting one vigorous, vital tone. Why?
+Because elasticity is absent, and will always be
+absent, where the fingers are not allowed to make
+the music. The springiest wrist, the most supple
+forearm, the lightest upper arm cannot compensate
+for the absence of an elastic finger-stroke.
+It is what lightens up and gives variety of color to
+a performance. You are all after tone-quantity and
+neglect touch&mdash;touch, the revelation of the soul."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, but your grand is worn out and won't
+stand any forcing of the tone," answered the
+Liszt <i>Ballade</i>, rather impudently.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>
+"Why the dickens do you want to force the
+tone?" said I, in tart accents. "It is just there
+we disagree," I yelled, for I was getting mad.
+"In your mad quest of tone you destroy the most
+characteristic quality of the pianoforte&mdash;I mean
+its lack of tone. If it could sustain tone, it would
+no longer be a pianoforte. It might be an organ
+or an orchestra, but not a pianoforte. I am
+after tone-quality, not tonal duration. I want a
+pure, bright, elastic, spiritual touch, and I let the
+tonal mass take care of itself. In an orchestra a
+full chord <i>fortissimo</i> is interesting because it may
+be scored in the most prismatic manner. But hit
+out on the keyboard a smashing chord and, pray,
+where is the variety in color? With a good ear
+you recognize the intervals of pitch, but the
+color is the same&mdash;hard, cold, and monotonous,
+because you have choked the tone with your
+idiotic, hammer-like attack. Sonorous, at least,
+you claim? I defy you to prove it. Where was
+the sonority in the metallic, crushing blows you
+dealt in the Liszt <i>Ballade?</i> There was, I admit,
+great clearness&mdash;a clearness that became a
+smudge when you used the damper pedal.
+No, my boys, you are on the wrong track with
+your orchestral-tone theory. You transform the
+instrument into something that is neither an
+orchestra nor a pianoforte. Stick to the old way;
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span>
+it's the best. Use plenty of finger pressure,
+elastic pressure, play Bach, throw dumb devices
+to the dogs, and, if you use the arm pressure at
+all, confine it to the forearm. That will more than
+suffice for the shallow dip of the keys. You
+can't get over the fact that the dip is shallow, so
+why attempt the impossible? For the amount
+of your muscle expenditure you would need a key
+dip of about six inches. Now, watch me. I shall,
+without your permission, and probably to your
+disgust, play a nocturne by John Field. Perhaps
+you never heard of him? He was an Irish
+pianist and, like most Irishmen of brains, gave
+the world ideas that were promptly claimed by
+others. But this time it was not an Englishman,
+but a Pole, who appropriated an Irishman's
+invention. This nocturne is called a forerunner
+to the Chopin nocturnes. They are really imitations
+of Field's, without the blithe, dewy sweetness
+of the Irishman's. First, let me put out the
+lamps. There is a moon that is suspended like a
+silver bowl over the Wissahickon. It is the hour
+for magic music."</p>
+
+<p>Intoxicated by the sound of my own voice, I
+began playing the <i>B-flat Nocturne</i> of Field. I
+played it with much delicacy and a delicious touch.
+I am very vain of my touch. The moon melted
+into the apartment and my two guests, enthralled
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span>
+by the mystery of the night and my music, were
+still as mice. I was enraptured and played to the
+end. I waited for the inevitable compliment.
+It came not. Instead, there were stealthy snores.
+The pair had slept through my playing. Imbeciles!
+I awoke them and soon packed them
+off to their canvas home in the woods hard by.
+They'll get no more dinners or wisdom from me.
+I tell this tale to show the hopelessness of arguing
+with this stiff-necked generation of pianists.
+But I mean to keep on arguing until I die of apoplectic
+rage. Good-evening!</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>
+<h2>XVI</h2>
+
+<h3>TCHAIKOVSKY</h3>
+
+
+<p>A day in musical New York!</p>
+
+<p>Not a bad idea, was it? I hated to leave
+the country, with its rich after-glow of
+Summer, its color-haunted dells, and its pure,
+searching October air, but a paragraph in a New
+York daily, which I read quite by accident, decided
+me, and I dug out some good clothes from
+their fastness and spent an hour before my
+mirror debating whether I should wear the coat
+with the C-sharp minor colored collar or the one
+with the velvet cuffs in the sensuous key of E-flat
+minor. Being an admirer of Kapellmeister
+Kreisler (there's a writer for you, that crazy
+Hoffmann!), I selected the former. I went
+over on the 7.30 A. M., P. R. R., and reached
+New York in exactly two hours. There's a
+<i>tempo</i> for you! I mooned around looking for
+old landmarks that had vanished&mdash;twenty years
+since I saw Gotham, and then Theodore Thomas
+was king.</p>
+
+<p>I felt quite miserable and solitary, and, being
+hungry, went to a much-talked-of caf&eacute;, L&uuml;chow's
+by name, on East Fourteenth Street. I saw
+Steinway and Sons across the street and reflected
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span>
+with sadness that the glorious days of
+Anton Rubinstein were over, and I still a useless
+encumberer of the earth. Then an arm was
+familiarly passed through mine and I was saluted
+by name.</p>
+
+<p>"You! why I thought you had passed away to
+the majority where Dussek reigns in ivory splendor."</p>
+
+<p>I turned and discovered my young friend&mdash;I
+knew his grandfather years ago&mdash;Sledge, a
+pianist, a bad pianist, and an alleged critic of
+music. He calls himself "a music critic."
+Pshaw! I was not wonderfully warm in my
+greeting, and the lad noticed it.</p>
+
+<p>"Never mind my fun, Mr. Fogy. Grandpa
+and you playing Moscheles' <i>Hommage &agrave; Fromage</i>,
+or something like that, is my earliest and most
+revered memory. How are you? What can
+I do for you? Over for a day's music? Well,
+I represent the <i>Weekly Whiplash</i> and can get
+you tickets for anything from hell to Hoboken."</p>
+
+<p>Now, if there is anything I dislike, it is flippancy
+or profanity, and this young man had both
+to a major degree. Besides, I loathe the modern
+musical journalist, flying his flag one week for
+one piano house and scarifying it the next in
+choice Billingsgate.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, come into L&uuml;chow's and eat some beer,"
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span>
+impatiently interrupted my companion, and, like
+the good-natured old man that I am, I was led
+like a lamb to the slaughter. And how I regretted
+it afterward! I am cynical enough, forsooth, but
+what I heard that afternoon surpassed my comprehension.
+I knew that artistic matters were at
+a low ebb in New York, yet I never realized the
+lowness thereof until then. I was introduced to a
+half-dozen smartly dressed men, some beardless,
+some middle-aged, and all dissipated looking.
+They regarded me with curiosity, and I could
+hear them whispering about my clothes, I got
+off a few feeble jokes on the subject, pointing to
+my C-sharp minor colored collar. A yawn
+traversed the table.</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, who has the courage to read Hoffmann,
+nowadays?" asked a boyish-looking rake. I
+confessed that I had. He eyed me with an
+amused smile that caused me to fire up. I opened
+on him. He ordered a round of drinks. I told
+him that the curse of the generation was its cold-blooded
+indifference, its lack of artistic conscience.
+The latter word caused a sleepy, fat
+man with spectacles to wake up.</p>
+
+<p>"Conscience, who said conscience? Is there
+such a thing in art any more?" I was delighted
+for the backing of a stranger, but he calmly ignored
+me and continued:</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span>
+"Newspapers rule the musical world, and woe
+betide the artist who does not submit to his
+masters. Conscience, pooh-pooh! Boodle, lots
+of it, makes most artistic reputations. A pianist
+is boomed a year ahead, like Paderewski, for
+instance. Paragraphs subtly hinting of his
+enormous success, or his enormous hair, or his
+enormous fingers, or his enormous technic&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Give us a <i>fermata</i> on your enormous story,
+Jenkins. Every one knows you are disgruntled
+because the <i>Whiplash</i> attacks your judgment."
+This from another journalist.</p>
+
+<p>Jenkins looked sourly at my friend Sledge, but
+that shy young person behaved most nonchalantly.
+He whistled and offered Jenkins a cigar.
+It was accepted. I was disgusted, and then they
+all fell to quarreling over Tchaikovsky. I listened
+with amazement.</p>
+
+<p>"Tchaikovsky," I heard, "Tchaikovsky is the
+last word in music. His symphonies, his
+symphonic poems, are a superb condensation of
+all that Beethoven knew and Wagner felt. He
+has ten times more technic for the orchestra
+than Berlioz or Wagner, and it is a pity he was
+a suicide&mdash;" "How," I cried, "Tchaikovsky a
+suicide?" They didn't even answer me.</p>
+
+<p>"He might have outlived the last movement of
+that B-minor symphony, the suicide symphony,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>
+and if he had we would have had another ninth
+symphony." I arose indignant at such blasphemy,
+but was pushed back in my seat by
+Sledge. "What a pity Beethoven did not live
+to hear a man who carried to its utmost the expression
+of the emotions!" I now snorted with
+rage, Sledge could no longer control me.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, gentlemen," I shouted; "utmost expression
+of the emotions, but what sort of emotions?
+What sort, I repeat, of shameful, morbid
+emotions?" The table was quiet again; a single
+word had caught it. "Oh, Mr. Fogy, you are
+not so very Wissahickon after all, are you?
+You know the inside story, then?" cried Sledge.
+But I would not be interrupted. I stormed on.</p>
+
+<p>"I know nothing about any story and don't
+care to know it. I come of a generation of
+musicians that concerned itself little with the
+scandals and private life of composers, but lots
+with their music and its meanings." "Go it,
+Fogy," called out Sledge, hammering the table
+with his seidl. "I believe that some composers
+should be put in jail for the villainies they
+smuggle into their score. This Tchaikovsky of
+yours&mdash;this Russian&mdash;was a wretch. He turned
+the prettiness and favor and noble tragedy of
+Shakespeare's <i>Romeo and Juliet</i> into a bawd's
+tale; a tale of brutal, vile lust; for such passion
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span>
+as he depicts is not love. He took <i>Hamlet</i> and
+transformed him from a melancholy, a philosophizing
+Dane into a yelling man, a man of the
+steppes, soaked with <i>vodka</i> and red-handed with
+butchery. Hamlet, forsooth! Those twelve
+strokes of the bell are the veriest melodrama.
+And <i>Francesca da Rimini</i>&mdash;who has not read of
+the gentle, lovelorn pair in Dante's priceless
+poem; and how they read no more from the
+pages of their book, their very glances glued
+with love? What doth your Tchaikovsky with
+this Old World tale? Alas! you know full well.
+He tears it limb from limb. He makes over the
+lovers into two monstrous Cossacks, who gibber
+and squeak at each other while reading some
+obscene volume. Why, they are too much interested
+in the pictures to think of love. Then
+their dead carcasses are whirled aloft on screaming
+flames of hell, and sent whizzing into a spiral
+eternity."</p>
+
+<p>"Bravo! bravo! great! I tell you he's great,
+your friend. Keep it up old man. Your description
+beats Dante and Tchaikovsky combined!"
+I was not to be lured from my theme,
+and, stopping only to take breath and a fresh
+dip of my beak into the Pilsner, I went on:</p>
+
+<p>"His <i>Manfred</i> is a libel on Byron, who was a
+libel on God." "Byron, too," murmured Jenkins.
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span>
+"Yes, Byron, another blasphemer. The
+six symphonies are caricatures of the symphonic
+form. Their themes are, for the most part, unfitted
+for treatment, and in each and every one
+the boor and the devil break out and dance with
+uncouth, lascivious gestures. This musical
+drunkenness; this eternal license; this want of
+repose, refinement, musical feeling&mdash;all these we
+are to believe make great music. I'll not admit
+it, gentlemen; I'll not admit it! The piano concerto&mdash;I
+only know one&mdash;with its fragmentary
+tunes; its dislocated, jaw-breaking rhythms, is
+ugly music; plain, ugly music. It is as if the
+composer were endeavoring to set to melody the
+consonants of his name. There's a name for
+you, Tchaikovsky! 'Shriekhoarsely' is more
+like it." There was more banging of steins, and
+I really thought Jenkins would go off in an apoplectic
+fit, he was laughing so.</p>
+
+<p>"The songs are barbarous, the piano-solo
+pieces a muddle of confused difficulties and childish
+melodies. You call it na&iuml;vet&eacute;. I call it
+puerility. I never saw a man that was less
+capable of developing a theme than Tchaikovsky.
+Compare him to Rubinstein and you insult that
+great master. Yet Rubinstein is neglected for
+the new man simply because, with your depraved
+taste, you must have lots of red pepper,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span>
+high spices, rum, and an orchestral color that
+fairly blisters the eye. You call it color. I call
+it chromatic madness. Just watch this agile
+fellow. He lays hold on a subject, some Russian
+<i>volks</i> melody. He gums it and bolts it
+before it is half chewed. He has not the logical
+charm of Beethoven&mdash;ah, what Jovian repose;
+what keen analysis! He has not the logic, minus
+the charm, of Brahms; he never smells of the
+pure, open air, like Dvo&#0345;&aacute;k&mdash;a milkman's composer;
+nor is Tchaikovsky master of the pictorial
+counterpoint of Wagner. All is froth and fury,
+oaths, grimaces, yelling, hallooing like drunken
+Kalmucks, and when he writes a slow movement
+it is with a pen dipped in molasses. I don't
+wish to be unjust to your 'modern music lord,'
+as some affected idiot calls him, but really, to
+make a god of a man who has not mastered his
+material and has nothing to offer his hearers but
+blasphemy, vulgarity, brutality, evil passions like
+hatred, concupiscence, horrid pride&mdash;indeed,
+all the seven deadly sins are mirrored in his
+scores&mdash;is too much for my nerves. Is this your
+god of modern music? If so, give me Wagner in
+preference. Wagner, thank the fates, is no
+hypocrite. He says out what he means, and he
+usually means something nasty. Tchaikovsky,
+on the contrary, taking advantage of the peculiar
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span>
+medium in which he works, tells the most awful,
+the most sickening, the most immoral stories;
+and if he had printed them in type he would have
+been knouted and exiled to Siberia. If&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Time to close up," said the waiter. I was
+alone. The others had fled. I had been
+mumbling with closed eyes for hours. Wait
+until I catch that Sledge!</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span>
+<h2>XVII</h2>
+
+<h3>MUSICAL BIOGRAPHY MADE TO ORDER</h3>
+
+
+<p>No longer from Dussek-Villa-on-Wissahickon
+do I indite my profound thoughts (it is
+the fashion nowadays in Germany for a
+writer to proclaim himself or herself&mdash;there are a
+great many "hers"&mdash;profound; the result, I suppose,
+of too much Nietzsche and too little common
+sense, not to mention modesty&mdash;that quite antiquated
+virtue). I am now situated in this lovely,
+umbrageous spot not far from the Bohemian border
+in Germany, on the banks of the romantic river
+Pilsen. To be sure, there are no catfish and
+waffles <i>&agrave; la</i> Schuylkill, but are there any to be
+found today at Wissahickon? On the other
+hand, there is good cooking, excellent beer and
+in all Schaumpfeffer, a town of nearly 3000 souls,
+you won't find a man or woman who has heard of
+any composer later than Haydn. They still
+dance to the music of Lanner and the elder
+Strauss; Johann, Jr., is considered rather an
+iconoclast in his <i>Fledermaus</i>. I carefully conceal
+the American papers, which are smuggled
+out to my villa&mdash;Villa Scherzo it is called because
+life is such a joke, especially music&mdash;and I read
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span>
+them and all modern books (that is, those dating
+later than 1850) behind closed doors. Oh, I am
+so cheerful over this heavenly relief from thrice-accursed
+"modernity." I'm old, I admit (I
+still recall Kalkbrenner's pearly touch and Doehler's
+chalky tone), but my hat is still on the
+piano top. In a word, I'm in the ring and don't
+propose to stop writing till I die, and I shan't
+die as long as I can hold a pen and protest against
+the tendencies of the times. Old Fogy to the
+end!</p>
+
+<p>I walk, I talk, I play Hummel, Bach, Mozart,
+and occasionally Stephen Heller&mdash;he's a good
+substitute for the sickly, affected Chopin. I
+read, read too much. Lately, I've been browsing
+in my musical library, a large one as you well
+know, for I have been adding to it for the last
+two decades and more by receiving the newest
+contributions to what is called "musical literature."
+Well, I don't mind telling you that the
+majority of books on music bore me to death.
+Particularly books containing apochryphal stories
+of the lives of great composers or executive
+musicians. Pshaw! Why I can reel off yarns
+by the dozen if I'm put to it. Besides, the
+more one reads of the private lives of great
+musicians, the more one's ideal of the fitness
+of things is shocked. Paderewski putting a
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span>
+collar button in his shirt and swearing at his
+private chaplain because some of the criticisms
+were underdone, is not half so fearsome as
+Chopin with the boils, or Franz Schubert advertising
+in a musical journal. After years of reading
+I have reached the conclusion that the average
+musical Boswell is a fraud, a snare, a pitfall, and a
+delusion. The way to go about being one is
+simple. First acquaint yourself with a few facts
+in the lives of great musicians, then, on a slim
+framework, plaster with fiction till the structure
+fairly trembles. Never fear. The publishers
+will print it, the public will devour it, especially
+if it be anecdotage. Let me reveal the working
+of the musical fiction mill. Here, for example,
+is something in the historical vein. Of necessity
+it must be pointless and colorless; that lends the
+touch of reality. Let us call it&mdash;"Bach and the
+Boehm Flute."</p>
+
+<p>Once upon a time it is related that the great
+Johann Sebastian Bach visited Frederick the
+Great at Potsdam. Stained with travel the
+wonderful fugue-founder was ushered into the
+presence of Voltaire. "Gentlemen," cried that
+monarch to his courtiers, "Old Bach has arrived;
+let us see what this jay looks like." Frederick
+was always fond of a joke at the expense of the
+Boetians. Attired as he was, Bach was ushered
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span>
+into the presence of his majesty. In his hand he
+held a small box&mdash;or, if you prefer it stated
+symbolically, a small bachs. "Ah! Master
+Bach," said the Prussian King, condescendingly,
+"What have you in your hand?" "A Boehm
+flute, your majesty," answered Bach; "for it I
+have composed a concerto in seven flats."
+"You lie!" retorted the bluff monarch, "the
+Boehm flute has not yet been invented. Away
+with you, hayseed from Halle." Whereat the
+mighty Bach softly laughed, being tickled by the
+regal repartee, and stole home, and there he sat
+him down and composed a nine-part fugue for
+Boehm flute and jackpot on the word Potsdam,
+the manuscript of which is still extant.</p>
+
+<p>How's that? Or, suppose Beethoven's name
+be mentioned. Here is a specimen brick from
+the sort of material Beethoven anecdotes are
+made. Call it, for the sake of piquancy, "Beethoven
+and Esterhazy."</p>
+
+<p>"No," yelled the composer of the <i>Ninth
+Symphony</i>, throwing a bootjack at his house-keeper&mdash;thus
+far the eleventh, I mean house-keeper
+and not bootjack&mdash;"No, tell the thundering
+idiot I'm drunk, or dead, or both." Then,
+with a sigh, he took up a quart bottle of Schnapps
+and poured the contents over his hair, and with
+beating heart penned his immortal <i>Hymn to Joy</i>,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span>
+Prince Esterhazy, his patron, greatly incensed
+at the refusal of Beethoven to admit him, hastily
+chalked on his door a small offensive musical
+theme, which the great composer later utilized
+in the allegro of his <i>Razzlewiski quartet</i> (C sharp
+minor). From such small beginnings, etc.</p>
+
+<p>You will observe how I work in Beethoven's
+frenetic rage, his rudeness, absent-mindedness,
+and all the rest of the things we are taught to
+believe that Beethoven indulged in. Now for
+something more modern and in a lighter vein.
+This is for the Brahms lover. Let us call it
+"Brahms' hatred of Cats."</p>
+
+<p>Brahms, so it is said, was an avowed enemy
+of the feline tribe. Unlike Scarlatti, who was
+passionately fond of chords of the diminished
+cats, the phlegmatic Johannes spent much of his
+time at his window, particularly of moonlit nights,
+practising counterpoint on the race of cats, the
+kind that infest back yards of dear old Vienna.
+Dr. Antonin Dvo&#0345;&aacute;k had made his beloved friend
+and master a present of a peculiar bow and arrow,
+which is used in Bohemia to slay sparrows. In
+and about Prague it is named in the native
+tongue, "Slugj hym inye nech." With this
+formidable weapon did the composer of orchestral
+cathedrals spend his leisure moments.
+Little wonder that Wagner became an anti-vivisectionist,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span>
+for he, too, had been up in Brahms'
+backyard, but being near-sighted, usually missed
+his cat. Because of arduous practice Brahms
+always contrived to bring down his prey, and then&mdash;O
+diabolical device!&mdash;after spearing the poor
+brutes, he reeled them into his room after the
+manner of a trout fisher. Then&mdash;so Wagner
+averred&mdash;he eagerly listened to the expiring groans
+of his victims and carefully jotted down in his
+note-book their antemortem remarks. Wagner
+declared that he worked up these piteous utterances
+into his chamber-music, but then
+Wagner had never liked Brahms. Some latter-day
+Nottebohm may arise and exhibit to an
+outraged generation the musical sketch-books of
+Brahms, so that we may judge of the truth of this
+tale.</p>
+
+<p>For a change, drop the severe objectivity of
+the method historical and attempt the personal.
+It is very fetching. Here's a title for you:
+"How I met Richard Wagner."</p>
+
+<p>The day was of the soft dreamy May sort.
+I was walking slowly across the Austernheim-hellmsberger
+Platz&mdash;local color, you observe!&mdash;when
+my eyes suddenly collided with a queer
+apparition. At first blush it looked like a little
+old woman, in visage a veritable witch; but
+horrors! a witch with whiskers. This old
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span>
+woman, as I mistook her to be, was attired in an
+Empire gown, with crinoline under-attachments.
+Around the neck was an Elizabethan ruff, and on
+the head was a bonnet of the vogue of 1840;
+huge, monstrously trimmed and bedecked with a
+perfect garden of artificial flowers. The color
+of the dress was salmon-blue, with pink ribbons.
+Altogether it was a fearful get-up, and, involuntarily,
+I looked about me expecting to see
+people stopping, a crowd forming. But no one
+appeared to notice the little old woman except
+myself, and as she drew near I discovered that
+she wore spectacles and a fringe of iron-gray hair
+around her face. Her eyes were piercingly
+bright and on her lips was etched a sardonic
+smile. Not quite knowing how to explain my
+rude stare, I was preparing to turn in another
+direction, when the stranger accosted me, and in
+the voice of a man: "Perhaps you don't know
+that I am Richard Wagner, the composer of the
+<i>Ring?</i> I am also Liszt's son-in-law, and from
+the way you turn your feet in, I take you to be a
+pianist and a Leschetizky pupil!" Marvelous
+psychologist! A regular Sherlock Holmes. And
+then, with a snort of rage, the Master walked
+away, a massive Dachshund viciously snapping
+at a link of sausage that idly swung from his
+pocket.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span>
+There, you have the Wagner anecdote orchestrated
+to suit those musical persons who believe
+that the composer was fond of nothing but
+millinery and dogs. Finally, if your publisher
+clamors for something about Liszt or Chopin,
+you may quote this; not forgetting the allusion
+to George Sand. To mention Chopin without
+Sand would be considered excessively inaccurate.
+I call the story, "Liszt's Clever
+Retort."</p>
+
+<p>It was midwinter. As was his wont in this
+season, Chopin was attired from head to foot
+in white wool. His fragile form and spiritual
+face, with its delicate smile, made him seem a
+member of some heavenly brotherhood that
+spends its existence praying for the expiation of
+the wickedness wrought by men. The composer
+was standing near the fireplace; without it
+snowed, desperately snowed. He was not alone.
+Half sitting, half reclining on a chair, his feet
+on the mantelpiece, was a man, spare and
+sinewy as an Indian. Long, coarse, brown hair
+hung mane-like upon his shoulders. His lithe,
+powerful fingers almost seemed to crush the
+short white Irish clay pipe from which he occasionally
+took a whiff. It was Liszt, Franz Liszt,
+Liszt Ferencz&mdash;don't forget the accompanying
+<i>Eljen!</i>&mdash;the pet of the gods, the adored of
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span>
+women; Liszt who never had a hair-cut; Liszt
+the inventor of the Liszt pupil. There had
+evidently been a heated discussion, for Chopin's
+face was adorned with bright hectic spots, his
+smile was sardonic, and a cough shook his ascetic
+frame as if from suppressed chagrin. Liszt was
+surly and at intervals said "basta!" beneath his
+long Milesian upper lip. Such silence could not
+long endure; an explosion was imminent.
+Liszt, quickly divining that Chopin was about to
+break forth in an hysterical fury, forstalled him
+by jocosely crying: "Freddy, my old son, the
+trouble with you is that you have no Sand in
+you!" And before the enraged Pole could answer
+this cruel, mocking raillery, the tall Magyar
+leaned over, pressed the button three times,
+and the lemonade came in time to avert blood-shed.</p>
+
+<p>There, Mr. Editor, you have a pleasing comminglement
+of romance and colloquialism. Now
+that I have shown how to play the trick, let all
+who will go ahead and be their own musical
+Boswell.</p>
+
+<p>But a truce to such foolery. I am wayward
+and gray of thought today. My soul is filled
+with the clash and dust of life. I hate the eternal
+blazoning of fierce woes and acid joys upon the
+orchestral canvas. Why must the music of a
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span>
+composer be played? Why must our tone-weary
+world be sorely grieved by the subjective shrieks
+and imprudent publications of some musical
+fellow wrestling in mortal agony with his first
+love, his first tailor's bill, his first acquaintance
+with the life about him? Why, I ask, should
+music leave the page on which it is indited?
+Why need it be played? How many beauties in
+a score are lost by translation into rude tones!
+How disenchanting sound those climbing, arbutus-like
+arpeggios and subtle half-tints of
+Chopin when played on that brutal, jangling instrument
+of wood, wire and iron, the pianoforte!
+I shudder at the profanation. I feel an oriental
+jealousy concerning all those beautiful thoughts
+nestling in the scores of Chopin and Schubert
+which are laid bare and dissected by the pompous
+pen of the music-critic. The man who knows it
+all. The man who seeks to transmute the
+unutterable and ineffable delicacies of tone into
+terms of commercial prose. And newspaper
+prose. Hideous jargon, I abominate you!</p>
+
+<p>I am suffering from too many harmonic harangues.
+[Isn't this one?] I long for the valley
+of silence, Edgar Poe's valley, wherein not even
+a sigh stirred the amber-colored air [or wasn't
+it saffron-hued? I forget, and Poe is not to be
+had in this corner of the universe]. Why can't
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span>
+music be read in the seclusion of one's study,
+in the company of one's heart-beats? Why
+must we go to the housetop and shout our woes
+to the universe? The "barbaric yawp" of Walt
+Whitman, over the roofs of the world, has become
+fashionable, and from tooting motor-cars to
+noisy symphonies all is a conspiracy against
+silence. At night dream-fugues shatter the
+walls of our inner consciousness, and yet we call
+music a divine art! I love the written notes, the
+symbols of the musical idea. Music, like some
+verse, sounds sweeter on paper, sweeter to the
+inner ear. Music overheard, not heard, is the
+more beautiful. Palimpsestlike we strive to
+decipher and unweave the spiral harmonies of
+Chopin, but they elude as does the sound of falling
+waters in a dream. Those violet bubbles of
+prismatic light that the Sarmatian composer blows
+for us are too fragile, too intangible, too spirit-haunted
+to be played. [All this sounds as if I
+were really trying to write after the manner of
+the busy Princess Sayn-Wittgenstein, who
+helped Liszt to manufacture his book on Chopin;
+indeed, it is suspected, altered every line he
+wrote of it.]</p>
+
+<p>O, for some mighty genius of color who will
+deluge the sky with pyrotechnical symphonies!
+Color that will soothe the soul with iridescent and
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span>
+incandescent harmonies, that the harsh, brittle
+noises made by musical instruments will no
+longer startle our weaving fancies. Yet if
+Shelley had not sung or Chopin chanted, how
+much poorer would be the world today. But
+that is no reason why school children should
+scream in chorus: "Life, like a dome of many-colored
+glass, stains the white radiance of eternity,"
+or that tepid misses in their 'teens should
+murder the nocturnes of Chopin. Even the
+somnolent gurgle of the bullfrog, around the
+ponds of Manayunk, as he signals to his mate
+in the mud, is often preferable to music made by
+earthly hands. Let it be abolished. Electrocute
+the composer and banish the music-critic.
+Then let there be elected a supervisory board of
+trusty guardians, men absolutely above the
+reproach of having played the concertina or
+plunked staccato tunes on a banjo. Entrust to
+their care all beautiful music and poetry and prohibit
+the profane, vulgar, the curious, gaping
+herd from even so much as a glance at these
+treasures. For the few, the previous elect, the
+quintessential in art, let no music be sounded
+throughout the land. Let us read it and think
+tender and warlike silent thoughts.</p>
+
+<p>And now, having too long detained you with my
+vagaries, let me say "good night," for it is getting
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span>
+dark, and before midnight I must patrol the
+keyboard for at least four hours, unthreading the
+digital intricacies of Kalkbrenner's Variations
+on the old melody, <i>Sei ruhig mein Herz, or the
+Cat will hear you</i>.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span>
+<h2>XVIII</h2>
+
+<h3>OLD FOGY WRITES A SYMPHONIC POEM</h3>
+
+
+<p>"Definite feelings and emotions are unsusceptible
+of being embodied in music,"
+says Eduard Hanslick in his <i>Beautiful in
+Music</i>. Now, you composers who make symphonic
+poems, why don't you realize that on its
+merits as a musical composition, its theme, its
+form, its treatment, that your work will endure,
+and not on account of its fidelity to your explanatory
+program?</p>
+
+<p>For example, if I were a very talented young
+composer&mdash;which I am not&mdash;and had mastered
+the tools of my trade&mdash;knew everything from a
+song to a symphony, and my instrumentation
+covered the whole gamut of the orchestral pigment....
+Well, one night as I tossed wearily
+on my bed&mdash;it was a fine night in spring, the
+moon rounded and lustrous and silvering the
+lake below my window&mdash;suddenly my musical
+imagination began to work.</p>
+
+<p>I had just been reading, and for the thousandth
+time, Browning's <i>Childe Roland</i>, with its sinister
+coloring and spiritual suggestions. Yet it had
+never before struck me as a subject suitable for
+musical treatment. But the exquisite cool of
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span>
+the night, its haunting mellow flavor, had set my
+brain in a ferment. A huge fantastic shadow
+threw a jagged black figure on the lake. Presto,
+it was done, and with a mental snap that almost
+blinded me.</p>
+
+<p>I had my theme. It will be the first theme in
+my new symphonic poem, <i>Childe Roland</i>. It
+will be in the key of B minor, which is to be
+emblematic of the dauntless knight who to
+"the dark tower came," unfettered by obstacles,
+physical or spiritual.</p>
+
+<p>O, how my brain seethed and boiled, for I am
+one of those unhappy men who the moment they
+get an idea must work it out to its bitter end.
+<i>Childe Roland</i> kept me awake all night. I even
+heard his "dauntless horn" call and saw the
+"squat tower." I had his theme. I felt it
+to be good; to me it was Browning's Knight
+personified. I could hear its underlying harmonies
+and the instrumentation, sombre, gloomy,
+without one note of gladness.</p>
+
+<p>The theme I treated in such a rhythmical
+fashion as to impart to it exceeding vitality, and
+I announced it with the English horn, with a
+curious rhythmic background by the tympani;
+the strings in division played tremolando and the
+bass staccato and muted. This may not be clear
+to you; it is not very clear to me, but at the time
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span>
+it all seemed very wonderful. I finished the
+work after nine months of agony, of revision, of
+pruning, clipping, cutting, hawking it about for
+my friends' inspection and getting laughed at,
+admired and also mildly criticized.</p>
+
+<p>The thrice fatal day arrived, the rehearsals had
+been torture, and one night the audience at a
+great concert had the pleasure of reading on the
+program Browning's <i>Childe Roland</i> in full, and
+wondering what it was all about. My symphonic
+poem would tell them all, as I firmly
+believed in the power of music to portray definitely
+certain soul-states, to mirror moods, to
+depict, rather indefinitely to be sure, certain
+phenomena of daily life.</p>
+
+<p>My poem was well played. It was only ninety
+minutes long, and I sat in a nervous swoon as I
+listened to the <i>Childe Roland</i> theme, the squat
+tower theme, the sudden little river motif, the
+queer gaunt horse theme, the horrid engine of
+war motif, the sinister, grinning, false guide
+subject&mdash;in short, to all the many motives of
+the poem, with its apotheosis, the dauntless blast
+from the brave knight as he at last faced the dark
+tower.</p>
+
+<p>This latter I gave out with twelve trombones,
+twenty-one bassett horns and one calliope; it
+almost literally brought down the house, and I
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span>
+was the happiest man alive. As I moved out I
+was met by the critic of <i>The Disciples of Tone</i>,
+who said to me:</p>
+
+<p>"Lieber Kerl, I must congratulate you; it
+beats Richard Strauss all hollow. <i>Who</i> and
+what was <i>Childe Roland</i>? Was he any relation
+to Byron's <i>Childe Harold</i>? I suppose the first
+theme represented the 'galumphing' of his horse,
+and that funny triangular fugue meant that the
+horse was lame in one leg and was going it on
+three. Adieu; I'm in a hurry."</p>
+
+<p>Triangular fugue! Why, that was the crossroads
+before which Childe Roland hesitated!
+How I hated the man.</p>
+
+<p>I was indeed disheartened. Then a lady spoke
+to me, a musical lady, and said:</p>
+
+<p>"It was grand, perfectly grand, but why did
+you introduce a funeral march in the middle&mdash;I
+fancied that Childe Roland was not killed until
+the end?"</p>
+
+<p>The funeral march she alluded to was not a
+march at all, but the "quagmire theme," from
+which queer faces threateningly mock at the
+knight.</p>
+
+<p>"Hopeless," thought I; "these people have no
+imagination."</p>
+
+<p>The next day the critics treated me roughly.
+I was accused of cribbing my first theme from
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span>
+<i>The Flying Dutchman</i>, and fixing it up rhythmically
+for my own use, as if I hadn't made it on
+the spur of an inspired moment! They also told
+me that I couldn't write a fugue; that my orchestration
+was overloaded, and my work deficient in
+symmetry, repose, development and, above all,
+in coherence.</p>
+
+<p>This last was too much. Why, Browning's
+poem was contained in my tone-poem; blame
+Browning for the incoherence, for I but followed
+his verse. One day many months afterward I
+happened to pick up Hanslick, and chanced on
+the following:</p>
+
+<p>"Let them play the theme of a symphony by
+Mozart or Haydn, an adagio by Beethoven, a
+scherzo by Mendelssohn, one of Schumann's
+or Chopin's compositions for the piano, or again,
+the most popular themes from the overtures of
+Auber, Donizetti or Flotow, who would be bold
+enough to point out a definite feeling on the subject
+of any of these themes? One will say 'love.'
+Perhaps so. Another thinks it is longing. He
+may be right. A third feels it to be religion.
+Who may contradict him? Now, how can we
+talk of a definite feeling represented when
+nobody really knows what is represented? Probably
+all will agree about the beauty or beauties
+of the composition, whereas all will differ regarding
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span>
+its subject. To represent something is to
+exhibit it clearly, to set it before us distinctly.
+But how can we call that the subject represented
+by an art which is really its vaguest and most
+indefinite element, and which must, therefore,
+forever remain highly debatable ground."</p>
+
+<p>I saw instantly that I had been on a false track.
+Charles Lamb and Eduard Hanslick had both
+reached the same conclusion by diverse roads. I
+was disgusted with myself. So then the whispering
+of love and the clamor of ardent combatants
+were only whispering, storming, roaring, but not
+the whispering of love and the clamor; musical
+clamor, certainly, but not that of "ardent combatants."</p>
+
+<p>I saw then that my symphonic poem, <i>Childe
+Roland</i>, told nothing to anyone of Browning's
+poem, that my own subjective and overstocked
+imaginings were not worth a rush, that the music
+had an objective existence as music and not as a
+poetical picture, and by the former and not the
+latter it must be judged. Then I discovered
+what poor stuff I had produced&mdash;how my fancy
+had tricked me into believing that those three or
+four bold and heavily orchestrated themes, with
+their restless migration into different tonalities,
+were "soul and tales marvelously mirrored."</p>
+
+<p>In reality my ignorance and lack of contrapuntal
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span>
+knowledge, and, above all, the want of
+clear ideas of form, made me label the work a
+symphonic poem&mdash;an elastic, high-sounding,
+pompous and empty title. In a spirit of revenge
+I took the score, rearranged it for small orchestra,
+and it is being played at the big circus under the
+euphonious title of <i>The Patrol of the Night Stick</i>,
+and the musical press praises particularly the
+graphic power of the night stick motive and the
+verisimilitude of the escape of the burglar in the
+coda.</p>
+
+<p>Alas, <i>Childe Roland!</i></p>
+
+<p>Seriously, if our rising young composers&mdash;isn't
+it funny they are always spoken of as rising?
+I suppose it's because they retire so late&mdash;read
+Hanslick carefully, much good would accrue.
+It is all well enough to call your work something
+or other, but do not expect me nor my neighbor
+to catch your idea. We may be both thinking
+about something else, according to our temperaments.
+I may be probably enjoying the form,
+the instrumentation, the development of your
+themes; my neighbor, for all we know, will in
+imagination have buried his rich, irritable old
+aunt, and so your p&aelig;an of gladness, with its
+brazen clamor of trumpets, means for him the
+triumphant ride home from the cemetery and the
+anticipated joys of the post-mortuary hurrah.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span>
+<h2>XIX</h2>
+
+<h3>A COLLEGE FOR CRITICS</h3>
+
+
+<p>Yes, it was indeed a hot, sultry afternoon, and
+as the class settled down to stolid work,
+even Mr. Quelson shifted impatiently at
+the blackboard, where he was trying to explain
+to a young pupil from Missouri that Beethoven
+did not write his oratorio, <i>The Mount of Olives</i>,
+for Park and Tilford. It was no use, however,
+the pupil had been brought up in a delicatessen
+foundry and saw everything musical from the
+comestible viewpoint.</p>
+
+<p>The sun blazed through the open oriel windows
+at the western end of the large hall, and the class
+inwardly rebelled at its task and thought of cool,
+green grottoes with heated men frantically falling
+over the home-plate, while the multitude
+belched bravos as Teddy McCorkle made three
+bases. Instead of the national game the class
+was wrestling with figured bass and the art of
+descant, and again it groaned aloud.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Quelson faced his pupils. In his eyes
+were tears, but he must do his duty.</p>
+
+<p>"Gentlemen," he suavely said, "the weather
+is certainly trying, but remember this is examination
+day, and next week you, that is some
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span>
+of you, will go out into the great world to face
+its cares, to wrestle for its prizes, to put forth
+your strength against the strength of men; in a
+word, to become critics of music, and to represent
+this college, wherein you have imbibed so
+much generous and valuable learning."</p>
+
+<p>He paused, and the class, which had pricked
+up its ears at the word "imbibe," settled once
+again to listen in gloomy silence. Their dignified
+preceptor continued.</p>
+
+<p>"And now, gentlemen of the Brahms Institute,
+I hasten to inform you that the examining committee
+is without, and is presently to be admitted.
+Let me conjure you to keep your
+heads; let me beg of you to do yourself justice.
+Surely, after five years of constant, sincere, and
+earnest study you will not backslide, you will
+not, in the language of the great Matthewson,
+make any muffs." Professor Quelson looked
+about him and beamed benignly. He had made a
+delicate joke, and it was not lost, for most sonorously
+the class chanted, "He's a jolly good
+fellow," and in modern harmonies. Their professor
+looked gratified and bowed. Then he
+tapped a bell, which sounded the triad of B flat
+minor, and the doors at the eastern end of the
+hall parted asunder, and the examining committee
+solemnly entered.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span>
+It was an august looking gang. Two music-critics
+from four of the largest cities of the
+country comprised the board of examination,
+with a president selected by common vote.
+This president was the distinguished pianist and
+literator, Dr. Larry Nopkin, and his sarcastic
+glare at the pupils gave every man the nervous
+shivers. Funereally the nine men filed by and
+took their seats on the platform, Dr. Nopkin
+occupying with Mr. Quelson the dais, on which
+stood a grand piano.</p>
+
+<p>There was a brief pause, but pregnant with
+anxiety. Mr. Quelson, all smiles, handed Dr.
+Nopkin a long list of names, and the committee
+fanned itself and thought of the <i>Tannh&auml;user-Busch
+Overture</i> which it had listened to so attentively
+in the Wagner coaches that brought it
+to Brahms Institute.</p>
+
+<p>The only man of the party who seemed out of
+humor was Mr. Blink, who grumbled to his
+neighbor that the name of the college was in
+bad taste. It should have been called the
+Chopin Retreat or the Paderewski Home, but
+Brahms&mdash;pooh!</p>
+
+<p>Dr. Nopkin arose, put on a pair of ponderous
+spectacles, and grinned malevolently at his
+hearers.</p>
+
+<p>"Young men," he squeakily said, "I want to
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>
+begin with a story. Once upon a time a certain
+young man, full of the conviction that he was a
+second Liszt, sought out Thalberg, when that
+great pianist&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Great pianist!" whispered Blink, sardonically.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, I said great pianist&mdash;greater than all
+your Paderewski's, your&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"I protest, Mr. President," said Mr. Blink,
+rising to his feet; at the same time a pink flush
+rose to his cheek. "I protest. We have not
+come here to compare notes about pianists, but
+to examine this class."</p>
+
+<p>The class giggled, but respectfully and in a perfect
+major-accord. Dr. Nopkin grew black in
+the face. Turning to Mr. Quelson he said:</p>
+
+<p>"Either I am president or I am not, Mr.
+Quelson."</p>
+
+<p>That gentleman looked very much embarrassed.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, of course, doctor, of course; Mr. Blink
+was carried away, you know&mdash;carried away by
+his professional enthusiasm&mdash;no offense intended,
+I am sure, Mr. Blink."</p>
+
+<p>By this time Mr. Blink had been pulled down
+in his seat by Mr. Sanderson, the critic of the
+<i>Skyrocket</i>, and order was restored.</p>
+
+<p>The class seemed disappointed as Dr. Nopkin
+proceeded: "As I was saying when interrupted
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span>
+by my Wagnerian associate, the young man went
+to Thalberg and played an original composition
+called the <i>Tornado Galop</i>. It was written exclusively
+for the black keys, and a magnificent
+<i>glissando</i>, if I do flatter myself, ended the piece
+most brilliantly. Thalberg&mdash;it was in the year
+'57, if I remember aright."</p>
+
+<p>"You do," remarked the class in pleasing tune.</p>
+
+<p>"Thank you, gentlemen, I see dates are not
+your weak point. Thalberg remarked&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"For goodness sake give us a rest on Thalberg!"
+said the irrepressible Blink.</p>
+
+<p>"A rest, yes, a <i>fermata</i> if you wish," retorted
+the doctor, and the witticism was received with
+a yell, in the Doric mode. You see Rheinberger
+had not quite sapped the sense of humor of Mr.
+Quelson's young acolytes.</p>
+
+<p>Considerably pleased with himself Dr. Nopkin
+continued:</p>
+
+<p>"Thalberg said to the young man, 'Honored
+sir, there is too much wind in your work, give
+your Tornado more earth, and less air.' Now
+the point of this amiable criticism is applicable
+to your work now and in the future. Give your
+readers little wind, but much soil. Do not indulge
+in fine writing, but facts, facts, facts!"
+Here the speaker paused and glanced severely
+at his colleagues, who awoke with a start. The
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span>
+ear of the music critic is very keen and long
+practice enables him to awaken at the precise
+moment the music ceases.</p>
+
+<p>Then Dr. Nopkin announced that the examinations
+would begin, and again from a tapped bell
+sounded the triad of B flat minor. The class
+looked unhappy, and the young fellow from
+Missouri burst into tears. For a moment a
+wave of hysterical emotion surged through the
+hall, and there being so much temperament
+present it seemed as if a crisis was at hand.
+Mr. Quelson rose to the occasion. Crying
+aloud in a massive voice, he asked:</p>
+
+<p>"Gentlemen, give me the low pitch A!"</p>
+
+<p>Instantly the note was sounded; even the
+weeping pupil hummed it through his tears, and
+a panic was averted by the coolness of a massive
+brain fertile in expedients.</p>
+
+<p>The committee, now thoroughly awake, looked
+gratified, and the examination began.</p>
+
+<p>After glancing through the list, Dr. Nopkin
+called aloud:</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. Hogwin, will you please tell me the date
+of the death of Verdi?"</p>
+
+<p>"Don't let him jolly you, Hoggy, old boy,"
+sang the class in an immaculate minor key.
+The doctor was aghast, but Mr. Quelson took
+the part of his school. He argued that the question
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span>
+was a misleading one. They wrangled
+passionately over this, and Blink finally declared
+that if Verdi was not dead he ought to be. This
+caused a small riot, which was appeased by the
+class singing the <i>Anvil Chorus</i>.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I give in, Mr. Quelson; perhaps my
+friend Blink would like to put a few questions."
+Dr. Nopkin fanned himself vigorously with an
+old and treasured copy of Dwight's <i>Journal of
+Music</i>, containing a criticism of his "passionate
+octave playing." Mr. Blink arose and took the
+list.</p>
+
+<p>"I see here," he said, "the name of Beckmesser
+McGillicuddy. The name is a promising
+one. Wagner ever desired the Celt to be
+represented in his scheme of the universe."</p>
+
+<p>"Obliging of him," insinuated Mr. Tile of the
+<i>Daily Bulge</i>.</p>
+
+<p>"Gentlemen, gentlemen," groaned poor Quelson;
+"think of the effect on the class if this spirit
+of irreverent repartee is maintained."</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. Beckmesser McGillicuddy, will you
+please stand up?" requested Mr. Blink.</p>
+
+<p>"Stand up, Gilly! Stand up Gilly, and show
+him what you are. Don't be afraid, Gilly!
+We will see you through," chanted the class
+with an amazing volume of tone and in lively
+rhythm.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span>
+The young man arose. He was 6 feet 8, with
+a 17 waist, and a 12-1/2 neck. Yet he looked
+intelligent. The class watched him eagerly,
+and the Missouri member, now thoroughly recovered,
+whistled the Fate-motif from <i>Carmen</i>,
+and McGillicuddy looked grateful.</p>
+
+<p>"You wish to become a music critic, do you
+not?" inquired Mr. Blink, patronizingly.</p>
+
+<p>"What do you think I'm here for?" asked
+the student, in firm, cool tones.</p>
+
+<p>"Tell me, then, did Wagner ever wear paper
+collars?"</p>
+
+<p>"Celluloid," was the quick answer, and the
+class cheered. Mr. Quelson looked unhappy,
+and Tile sneered in a minor but audible key.</p>
+
+<p>"Good," said Mr. Blink. "You'll do. Would
+any of my colleagues care to question this young
+and promising applicant, who appears to me to
+have thoroughly mastered modern music?"</p>
+
+<p>Little Mr. Slehbell arose, and the class again
+trembled. They had read his <i>How to See
+Music Although a Deaf Mute</i>, and they knew
+that there were questions in it that could knock
+them out. The critic secured the list, and after
+hunting up the letter K, he coughed gently and
+asked:</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. Krap is here, I hope?"</p>
+
+<p>"Get into line, Billy Krap; get into line,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span>
+Billy. Give him as good as he gives you; so fall
+into line, Billy Krap."</p>
+
+<p>This was first sung by the class with antiphonal
+responses, then with a fugued finale, and
+Mr. Slehbell was considerably impressed.</p>
+
+<p>"I must say," he began, "even if you do not
+become shining lights as music critics, you are
+certainly qualified to become members of an
+Opera Company. But where is Mr. Krap&mdash;a
+Bohemian, I should say, from his name."</p>
+
+<p>"Isn't Slehbell marvellous on philology?"
+said Sanderson, and Dr. Nopkin looked shocked.</p>
+
+<p>No Krap stood up, so the name of Flatbush was
+called. He, too, was absent, and Mr. Quelson
+explained in exasperated accents that these two
+were his prize pupils, but had begged off to
+umpire a game of Gregorian-chant cricket down
+in the village. "Ask for Palestrina McVickar,"
+said Mr. Quelson, in an eager stage whisper.</p>
+
+<p>The new man proved to be a wild-looking person,
+with hair on his shoulders, and it was
+noticeable that the class gave him no choral
+invitation to arise. He looked formidable, however,
+and you could have heard an E string snap,
+so intense was the silence.</p>
+
+<p>"Mr. McVickar, you are an American, I presume?"</p>
+
+<p>"No, sir; I am an Australian, I am happy to
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span>
+say." A slight groan was heard from the lips of
+an austere youth with a Jim Corbett pompadour.</p>
+
+<p>"You may groan all you like," said McVickar,
+fiercely; "but Fitzsimmons licked him and that
+blow in the solar plexus&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Slehbell raised his hands deprecatingly.</p>
+
+<p>"Really, young gentlemen, you seem very well
+posted on sporting matters. What I wish to ask
+you is whether you think Dvo&#0345;&aacute;k's later, or American
+manner, may be compared to Brahms'
+second or D minor piano concerto period?"</p>
+
+<p>"He doesn't know Brahms from a bull's foot,"
+roared the class, in unison. "Ask him who
+struck Billy Patterson?" Once more the quick
+eye of Mr. Quelson saw an impending rebellion,
+and quickly rushing among the malcontents he
+bundled five of them out of the room and returned
+to the platform, murmuring:</p>
+
+<p>"Such musical temperaments, you know; such
+very great temperaments!" Incidentally, he had
+rid himself of five of the most ignorant men of the
+class. Quelson was really very diplomatic.</p>
+
+<p>McVickar hesitated a moment after silence had
+been restored, and then answered Mr. Slehbell's
+question:</p>
+
+<p>"You see, sir, we are no further than Leybach
+and Auber. The name you mention is not
+familiar to me, but I can tell you all the different
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span>
+works of Carl Czerny; and I know how to spell
+Mascagni."</p>
+
+<p>"Heavens," screamed Blink, and he fainted
+from fright. Beer was ordered, and after a short
+piano solo&mdash;Czerny's <i>Toccata in C</i>, from Dr.
+Larry Nopkin&mdash;order reigned once more. The
+class gazed enviously at the committee as it
+sipped beer, and longed for the day when it would
+be free and critics of music. Then Mr. Quelson
+said that questioning was at an end. He had
+never endeavored to inculcate knowledge of a
+positive sort in his pupils. Besides, what did
+music critics want with knowledge? They had
+Grove's Dictionary as a starter, and by carefully
+negativing every date and fact printed in
+it, they were sure to hit the truth somewhere.
+A ready pen was the thing, and he begged the
+committee to be allowed to present specimens
+of criticisms of imaginary concerts, written by the
+graduating class of 1912.</p>
+
+<p>The request was granted, and Dr. Nopkin
+selected as the reader. There was an interval
+of ten minutes, during which the doctor played
+snatches of De Koven and Scharwenka, and the
+class drove its pen furiously. Finally, the bell
+sounded, and the following criticisms were
+handed to the president, and read aloud while
+the class blushed in ruddy ensemble:</p>
+
+
+<div class="blockquot"><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span>
+<p><span style="margin-left: 14em;"><span class="smcap">An Interesting Evening</span></span></p>
+
+<p>"It was a startling sight that met the eyes of
+the musical editor of the <i>Evening Buzzard</i> when
+he entered the De Pew Opera House last night
+at 8.22. All the leading families of Mushmelon,
+arrayed in their best raiment, disported themselves
+in glittering groups, and it was almost
+with a feeling of disappointment that we saw the
+curtain arise on the seventh act of <i>Faust</i>. Of
+course the music and singing were applauded to
+the echo, and the principals were forced to bow
+their acknowledgments to the gracious applause
+of the upper ten of Mushmelon. The following
+is a list of those present," etc. (Here follow
+names.)</p>
+
+<p>"A rattling good notice that," said one of the
+older members of the committee. Mr. Quelson
+hastened to explain that it was intended for an
+emergency notice, when the night city editor
+was unmusical. "But," he added, "here is
+something in a more superior vein."</p></div>
+
+<p>Dr. Nopkin read:</p>
+
+
+
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><span style="margin-left: 14em;"><span class="smcap">How I Heard Paderewski!</span></span></p>
+<p>"Of course I heard Paderewski. Let me tell
+you all about it. I had quarreled with my dear
+one early in the day over a pneumatic tire, so I
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span>
+determined to forget it and go listen to some music.</p>
+
+<p>"Music always soothes my nerves.</p>
+
+<p>"Does it soothe yours, gentle reader?</p>
+
+<p>"I went to hear Paderewski.</p>
+
+<p>"Taking the Broadway car, me and my liver&mdash;my
+liver is my worst enemy; terrible things,
+livers; is life really worth the liver?&mdash;I sat down
+and paid my fare to a burly ruffian in a grimy
+uniform.</p>
+
+<p>"Some day I shall tell you about my adventure
+with a car. Dear Lord, what an adventure
+it was!</p>
+
+<p>"Ah, the bitter-sweet days! the long-ago days
+when we were young and trolleyed.</p>
+
+<p>"But let me tell you how Paderewski played!</p>
+
+<p>"After I reached my seat 4000 women cheered.
+I was the only man in the house; but being
+modest, I stood the strain as long as I could,
+and then&mdash;why, Paderewski was bowing, and
+I forgot all about the women and their enthusiasm
+at the sight of me.</p>
+
+<p>"Fancy a slender-hipped orchidaceous person,
+an epicene youth with Botticellian hair and a
+Nietzsche walk. Fancy ten fluted figures and
+then&mdash;oh, you didn't care what he was playing&mdash;indeed,
+I mislaid my program&mdash;and then it was
+time to go home.</p></div>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span></p>
+<div class="blockquot">
+<p>"Some day I shall give you my impressions of
+the Paderewskian technique, but today is a
+golden day, the violets are smiling, because God
+gave them perfume; a lissome lass is in the
+foreground; why should I bother about piano,
+Paderewski, or technique?</p>
+
+<p>"Dear Lord, dear Lord&mdash;!"</p></div>
+
+<p>Mr. Quelson looked interrogatively at the
+committee when the doctor finished.</p>
+
+<p>"The personal note, you know," he said,
+"the note that is so valued nowadays in criticism."</p>
+
+<p>"Personal rubbish," grunted the doctor, and
+Mr. Slehbell joyously laughed.</p>
+
+<p>"Give us one with more matter and less
+manner," remarked Mr. Sanderson, who had
+quietly but none the less determinedly eaten up
+all the sandwiches and drunk seven bottles of
+beer. Mr. Van Oven, of the <i>Morning Fowl</i>, was,
+as usual, fast asleep. [This was the manner in
+which he composed himself.]</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Quelson handed the doctor the following:</p>
+
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><span style="margin-left: 14em;"><span class="smcap">Solid Musical Meat</span></span></p>
+
+<p>"The small hall of the Mendelssohn Glee
+Club was crowded to listen to the polished playing
+of the Boston Squintet Club last night.
+It was a graciously inclined audience, and after</p></div>
+ <p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span></p>
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Haydn, Grieg, and Brahms had been disclosed,
+it departed in one of those frames of mind that the
+chronicler of music events can safely denominate
+as happy. There were many reasons, which may
+not be proclaimed now why this should be thus.
+The first quartet, one of the blithest, airiest, and
+most serene of Papa Haydn's, was published
+with absolute finish, if not with abandon. Its
+na&iuml;ve measures were never obsessed by the
+straining after modernity. The Grieg is hardly
+strict quartet music. It has a savor, a flavor,
+a perfume, an odor, even a sturdy smell of the
+Norway pine and fjord; but it is lacking woefully
+in repose and euphony, and at times it verges
+perilously on the cacophonous. Mr. Casnoozle
+and his gifted associates played a marvelous
+accord and slid over all the yawning tonal
+precipices, but, heavens, how they did perspire!
+The Brahms Quartet&mdash;"</p></div>
+
+<p>"I protest," said Mr. Blink, hastily rising.
+"I've been insulted ever since I entered the
+building. Why, the very name of the institution
+is an insult to modern musicians! Brahms!
+why, good heavens, Brahms is only a whitewashed
+Hummel! And to think of these young
+minds being poisoned by such antique rot as
+Brahms' music!"</p>
+
+<p>In a moment the committee was on its legs
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span>
+howling and jabbering; poor Mr. Quelson vainly
+endeavoring to keep order. After ten minutes
+of rowing, during which the class sang <i>The
+Night That Larry Was Stretched</i>, Dr. Nopkin
+was pushed over the piano and fell on the treble
+and hurt his lungs. The noise brought to their
+senses the irate men, and then, to their consternation,
+they discovered that the class had
+sneaked off during the racket, and on the blackboard
+was written: "Oh, we don't know, you're
+not so critical!"</p>
+
+<p>"My Lord," groaned Mr. Quelson, "they have
+gone to that infernal Gregorian chant-cricket
+match; wait till I get hold of that Palestrina
+McVickar!"</p>
+
+<p>The committee left in a bad humor on the next
+train, and the principal of Brahms Institute gave
+his class a vacation. Hereafter he will do his
+own examining.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span>
+<h2>XX</h2>
+
+<h3>A WONDER CHILD</h3>
+
+
+<p>A recent event in the musical world of Laputa
+has been of such extraordinary moment
+as to warrant me in making some
+communication of same to your valuable sheet,
+and although in these days of electricity one
+might reasonably imagine the cable would have
+outstripped me, still by careful examination of
+American newspapers I find only meagre mention
+of the remarkable musical occurrence that
+shook all Laputa to its centre last month. As
+you know, we pride ourselves on being a thoroughly
+musical nation; our symphony concert
+programs and our operatic repertory contain all
+the novelties that are extant. To be sure, we
+are a little conservative in our tastes and relish
+Mozart, and, must it be confessed, even Haydn;
+but, on the other hand, we have a penchant for
+the Neo-Russian school and hope some day to
+found a trans-Asiatic band of composers whose
+names will probably be as hard as their harmonies
+are to European and American ears.</p>
+
+<p>The event I speak of transcends anything in
+the prodigy line that we have ever encountered,
+for while we have been deluged with boy pianists,
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span>
+infant violinists, and baby singers, <i>ad nauseam</i>,
+still it must be confessed that a centenarian piano
+virtuoso who would make his d&eacute;but before a
+curious audience on his hundredth birthday was
+a novelty indeed, particularly as the aged artist
+in question had been studying diligently for some
+ninety-five years under the best masters (and
+with what opportunities!) and would also on this
+most auspicious occasion conduct an orchestral
+composition of his own, a <i>Marche Fun&egrave;bre &agrave; la
+Tartare</i>, for the first time in public. This, then,
+I repeat, was a prodigy that promised to throw
+completely in the shade all competitors, in addition
+to its being an event that had no historical
+precedence in the annals of music.</p>
+
+<p>With what burning curiosity the night of the
+concert was awaited I need not describe, nor of
+the papers teeming with anecdotes of the venerable
+virtuoso whose name betrayed his Asiatic
+origin. His great-grandchildren (who were also
+his managers) announced in their prospectus
+that their great-grandfather had never played
+in public before, and with, of course, the exception
+of his early masters, had never even played
+for anybody outside of his own family circle.
+Born in 1788, he first studied technics with the
+famous Clementi and harmony with Albrechtsberger.
+His parents early imbued him (by the
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>
+aid of a club) with the idea of the extreme importance
+of time and its value, if rightfully used,
+in furthering technique. So, from five hours a
+day in the beginning he actually succeeded in
+practising eighteen hours out of the twenty-four,
+which commendable practice (literally) he continued
+in his later life.</p>
+
+<p>Although he had only studied with one master,
+the Gospadin Bundelcund, as he was named, had
+been on intimate terms with all the great virtuosi
+of his day, and had heard Beethoven, Steibelt,
+Czerny, Woelfl, Kalkbrenner, Cramer, Hummel,
+Field, Hiller, Chopin, Mendelssohn, Liszt, Henselt,
+and also many minor lights of pianism whose
+names have almost faded from memory. Always
+a man of great simplicity and modesty, he
+retired more and more amidst his studies the
+older he grew, and even after his marriage he
+could not be induced to play in public, for his
+ideal was a lofty one, and though his children,
+and even his grandchildren, often urged him to
+make his d&eacute;but, he was inflexible on the subject.
+His great-grandchildren, however, were shrewd,
+and, taking advantage of the aged pianist's increasing
+senility, they finally succeeded in making
+him promise to play at a grand concert, to
+be given at the capital of Laputa, and, despite his
+many remonstrances, he at last consented.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>
+It goes without saying that the attendance at
+our National Opera House was one of the largest
+ever seen there. The wealth and brains of the
+capital were present, and all eagerly watched for
+the novel apparition that was to appear. The
+program was a simple one: the triple piano concerto
+of Bach, arranged for one piano by the
+Gospadin; a movement from the G minor concerto
+of Dussek; piano solos, <i>L'Orage</i>, by
+Steibelt; a fugue for the left hand alone, by
+Czerny, and a set of etudes after Czerny, being
+free transcriptions of his famous <i>Velocity Studies</i>,
+roused the deepest curiosity in our minds, for
+vague rumors of an astonishing technique were rife.
+And, finally, when the stage doors were pushed
+wide open and a covered litter was slowly brought
+forward by six dusky slaves and gently set down,
+the pent up feelings of the audience could not be
+restrained any longer, and a shout that was
+almost barbaric shook the hall to its centre.</p>
+
+<p>An Echtstein grand piano, with the action purposely
+lightened to suit the pianist's touch, stood
+in the centre of the stage, and a large, comfortable
+looking high-backed chair was placed in
+front of it. The attendants, after setting the
+litter down, rolled the chair up to it, and then
+parting the curtains carefully, and even reverently,
+lifted out what appeared to be a mass of
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span>
+black velvet and yellow flax. This bundle
+they placed on the chair and wheeled it up to the
+piano and then proceeded to bring forth a
+quantity of strange looking implements, such as
+hand guides, gymnasiums, wires and pulleys, and
+placed them around the odd, lifeless looking mass
+on the chair. Then a solemn looking individual
+came forth and announced to the audience that
+the soloist, owing to his extreme feebleness,
+had been hypnotized previous to the concert, as
+it was the only manner in which to get him to
+play, and that he would be restored to consciousness
+at once and the program proceeded with.</p>
+
+<p>There was a slight inclination on the part of
+the audience to hiss, but its extreme curiosity
+speedily checked it and it breathlessly awaited
+results. The doctor, for he was one, bent over
+the recumbent figure of the pianist and, lifting
+him into an upright position, made a few passes
+over him and apparently uttered something into
+his ear through a long tube. A wonderful change
+at once manifested itself, and slowly raising
+himself on his feet there stood a gaunt old man,
+with an enormous skull-like head covered with
+long yellowish white hair, eyes so sunken as to be
+invisible, and a nose that would defy all competition
+as to size.</p>
+
+<p>After fairly tottering from side to side in his
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span>
+efforts to make a bow, the Gospadin (or, as you
+would say, Mister or Herr) Bundelcund fell
+back exhausted in his seat, and while a murmur
+of pity ran through the house his attendants administered
+restoratives out of uncanny looking
+phials and vigorously fanned him. By this time
+the audience had worked itself up to a fever pitch
+(at least eight tones above concert pitch) and
+nothing short of an earthquake would have dispersed
+it; besides the price of admission was
+enormous and naturally every one wanted the
+worth of his money. I had a strong glass and
+eagerly examined the old man and saw that he
+had long skinny fingers that resembled claws,
+a cadaverous face and an air of abstraction
+one notices in very old or deaf persons. To
+my horror I noticed that the doctor in addressing
+him spoke through a large trumpet and then it
+dawned on me that the man was deaf, and hardly
+was I convinced of this when my right hand
+neighbor informed me that the Gospadin was
+blind also, and being feeble and exhausted by
+piano practice hardly ever spoke; so he was
+practically dumb.</p>
+
+<p>Here was an interesting state of things, and my
+forebodings as to the result were further strengthened
+when I saw the attendants place the old
+man's fingers in the technique-developing machines
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span>
+that encumbered the stage, and vigorously
+proceeded to exercise his fingers, wrists,
+and forearms, he all the while feebly nodding,
+while two other attendants flapped him at intervals
+with bladders to keep him from going to
+sleep. Again my right-hand neighbor, who appeared
+to be loquacious, informed me that the
+Gospadin's mercenary great-grandchildren kept
+him awake in this manner and thus forced him to
+play eighteen hours a day. What a cruelty,
+I thought, but just then a few muffled chords
+aroused me from my thoughts and I directed all
+my attention to the stage, for the performance
+had at last begun.</p>
+
+<p>Never shall I forget the curious sensation I
+experienced when the aged prodigy began the
+performance of the first number, his own remarkable
+arrangement for piano solo of the Bach
+concerto in D minor for three pianos, and I instantly
+discovered that the instrument on which
+he played had organ pedals attached, otherwise
+some of the effects he produced could not have
+been even hinted at. His touch was weird, his
+technique indescribable, and one no longer
+listened to the piano, but to one of those instruments
+of Eastern origin in which glass and metal
+are extensively used. The quality of tone
+emanating from the piano was <i>brittle</i>, so to
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>
+speak; in a word, sounded so thin, sharp, and at
+times so wavering as to suggest the idea that it
+might at any moment break. And then it made
+me indescribably nervous to see his talon-like
+fingers threading their way through the mazes
+of the concerto, which was a tax on any player,
+and though the three piano parts were but
+faintly reproduced, the arrangement showed
+ability and musicianship in the handling of it.
+But a vague, far-away sort of a feeling pervaded
+the whole performance, which left me at the end
+rather more dazed than otherwise.</p>
+
+<p>During the uproarious applause that followed
+my neighbor again remarked to me that though
+the old man did not appear to be as much exhausted
+as he had anticipated, still he feared the
+worst from this great strain of his appearing before
+such a public and under such exciting circumstances,
+and then becoming confidential he
+whispered to me that the agents for the Paul von
+Janko keyboard had approached the venerable
+pianist, but after inspecting the invention the
+latter had replied wearily that he was too old to
+begin "tobogganing" now. My neighbor seemed
+to be amused at this joke, and not until the orchestra
+had begun the tutti of the G minor concerto
+of Dussek (an intimate friend of the Gospadin's,
+by the way) did he cease his chuckling.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span>
+The concerto was played in a dreary fashion,
+and only the strenuous efforts of the attendants
+on each side of the soloist kept him from going off
+into a sound nap during every tutti. The rest
+of the piano program was almost the same story.
+The Steibelt selection, the old-fashioned <i>L'Orage</i>,
+was no storm at all, but a feeble, maundering up
+and down the keyboard. The Czerny fugue was
+better and the performance of the same composer's
+<i>Velocity Studies</i> was a marvel of lightness
+and one might almost say volubility. In
+these etudes his wonderful stiff arm octave
+playing, in the real old-fashioned manner, showed
+itself, for in every run in single notes he introduced
+octaves. The applause after this was so
+great and the flappers at the pianist's side plied
+him so vigorously that the Gospadin actually
+began playing the <i>Hexameron</i>, that remarkably
+difficult and old set of variations on the march
+in <i>Puritani</i>, by Liszt, Chopin, Pixis, and Thalberg.</p>
+
+<p>These he played, it must be confessed, in a
+masterly manner, but at the end he introduced a
+variation, prodigious as to difficulty, which I
+failed to recognize as ever having seen it in the
+printed copy of the composition. Again my
+right-hand neighbor, appearing to anticipate my
+question on the subject, informed me that it
+was by Bundelcund himself, and that he had
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span>
+been angered beyond control by the refusal of the
+publishers to print it with the rest, and had
+written a lengthy letter to Liszt on the subject, in
+which he told him that he considered him a
+charlatan along with Henselt, Chopin, Hiller,
+and Thalberg, and that he was the <i>only</i> pianist
+worth speaking of, which information threw an
+interesting side light on our Asiatic virtuoso's
+character, and showed that he was made of
+about the same metal, after all, as most of your
+European manipulators of ivory.</p>
+
+<p>By this time the stage had been cleared of the
+piano and the litter, and a conductor's stand
+was brought forward, draped in black velvet
+trimmed with white, and appropriately wreathed
+with tuberoses, whose deathly-sweet odor diffused
+itself throughout the house and caused an
+unpleasant shudder to circulate through the
+audience, who were beginning to realize the
+mockery of this modern dance of death, but who
+remained to see the end of the sad comedy. The
+orchestra, which was reinforced by several uncanny
+looking instruments, strange even to
+Asiatic eyes, were seated, and then the dusky
+servants lifted with infinite care the aged Bundelcund
+into a standing posture, placed him at the
+stand, and while four held him there the two
+flappers were so unremitting in their attentions
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span>
+that one might suppose the old man's face
+would be sore, were it not for its almost total
+absence of flesh, and also his long, thick hair,
+which fell far below his waist.</p>
+
+<p>Standing in an erect attitude he was an
+appalling figure to behold, and the two lighted
+tapers in massive candelabras on each side of
+the desk lighted up his face with an unholy and
+gruesome glare. The funereal aspect of the
+scene was heightened by the house being in
+total darkness, and though many women had
+fainted, oppressed by the charnel-house atmosphere
+that surrounded us, still the audience as a
+whole remained spellbound in their seats. The
+medical man now plied the conductor-pianist
+with the contents of the mysterious phial, and
+placing a long, white ostrich plume in his hand,
+he made a signal for the orchestra to begin.
+The conductor, despite his deafness, appeared
+to comprehend what was going on and feebly
+waved the plume in air, and the first gloomy
+chords of the <i>Marche Fun&egrave;bre &agrave; la Tartare</i>
+were heard. Of all the funeral marches ever
+penned this composition certainly outdid them
+all in diabolical waitings and the gnashing of
+teeth of damned souls.</p>
+
+<p>It was the funeral march of some mid-Asiatic
+pachyderm, and the whole herd were howling
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span>
+their grief in a manner which would put Wagner,
+Berlioz, and Meyerbeer to shame; for such a use
+of brass had never been even dreamed of, and the
+peculiar looking instruments I first spoke of now
+came to the fore and the din they raised was
+positively hellish. Those who could see the
+composer's face afterward declared it was
+wreathed in smiles, but this, of course, I could
+not see; but I did see, and we all saw, after the
+rather abrupt end of the march (which finished
+after a long-drawn-out suspension, <i>capo d'astro</i>,
+resolved by the use of the diseased chord of the
+minor thirteenth into a dissipated fifth), the
+venerable virtuoso suddenly collapse, and suddenly
+fall into the arms of the attendants, whose
+phlegm, while being thoroughly Oriental, still
+smacked of anticipation of this very event.
+Instantly the lights went out and a panic ensued,
+everyone getting into the street somehow or
+other. I found myself there side by side with
+my neighbor, who informed me in an oracular
+manner that he had expected this all along.</p>
+
+<p>Then an immense crowd, angered by the
+cruel exhibition which they had witnessed,
+searched high and low for the miscreant and
+mercenary great-grandchildren who had so
+ruthlessly sacrificed their talented progenitor
+for the sake of pelf, but they were nowhere to be
+ <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span></p>
+found, and they doubtlessly had escaped with their
+booty to a safe place. The doctor had also
+disappeared and with him all traces of the
+Gospadin Bundelcund, and soon after sinister
+rumors were spread that the man we had heard
+performing was a <i>dead man</i> (horrible idea!)
+that he had been dead for years, but by the aid
+of that new and yet undeveloped science, hypnotism,
+he had been revived and made to automatically
+perform, and that the whole ghastly
+mummery was planned to make money. Certain
+it was that we never heard of any of the participants
+in the affair again, and I write to you knowing
+that American readers will be interested in
+this queer musical and psychical prodigy. His
+epitaph might be given in a slightly altered
+quotation, "Butchered to make a Laputian's
+holiday."
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Old Fogy, by James Huneker
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+</pre>
+
+</body>
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