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diff --git a/20715.txt b/20715.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..56f08dc --- /dev/null +++ b/20715.txt @@ -0,0 +1,913 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Marriage and Love + +Author: Emma Goldman + +Release Date: March 1, 2007 [EBook #20715] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARRIAGE AND LOVE *** + + + + +Produced by Tamise Totterdell, Fritz Ohrenschall and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net +(This book was produced from scanned images of public +domain material from the Google Print project.) + + + + + +Marriage and Love + +BY + +EMMA GOLDMAN + + +Price Ten Cents + + +MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION + +210 EAST 13th STREET, NEW YORK + +1911 + + + + + AUTOBIOGRAPHY + + OF + + ALEXANDER BERKMAN + + _A Unique Contribution to Socio-Psychological Literature_ + + THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY REPRESENTS THREE PHASES: + + I) The Revolutionary Awakening and its Toll--The _Attentat_ + + II) The Allegheny Penitentiary: Fourteen Years in Purgatory + + III) The Resurrection and After + + _Price One Dollar Fifty_ + + Send Advance Subscription to + + MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION + + 210 EAST THIRTEENTH STREET + + NEW YORK + + + THE BOOK IS NEARING COMPLETION AND WILL + BE ISSUED IN THE EARLY SPRING + + + + +Marriage and Love + +BY + +EMMA GOLDMAN + + +Price Ten Cents + + +MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION + +210 EAST 13th STREET, NEW YORK + +1911 + + + + +MARRIAGE AND LOVE + + +The popular notion about marriage and love is that they are synonymous, +that they spring from the same motives, and cover the same human needs. +Like most popular notions this also rests not on actual facts, but on +superstition. + +Marriage and love have nothing in common; they are as far apart as the +poles; are, in fact, antagonistic to each other. No doubt some marriages +have been the result of love. Not, however, because love could assert +itself only in marriage; much rather is it because few people can +completely outgrow a convention. There are today large numbers of men +and women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but who submit to it +for the sake of public opinion. At any rate, while it is true that some +marriages are based on love, and while it is equally true that in some +cases love continues in married life, I maintain that it does so +regardless of marriage, and not because of it. + +On the other hand, it is utterly false that love results from marriage. +On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple +falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be +found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. Certainly the +growing-used to each other is far away from the spontaneity, the +intensity, and beauty of love, without which the intimacy of marriage +must prove degrading to both the woman and the man. + +Marriage is primarily an economic arrangement, an insurance pact. It +differs from the ordinary life insurance agreement only in that it is +more binding, more exacting. Its returns are insignificantly small +compared with the investments. In taking out an insurance policy one +pays for it in dollars and cents, always at liberty to discontinue +payments. If, however, woman's premium is a husband, she pays for it +with her name, her privacy, her self-respect, her very life, "until +death doth part." Moreover, the marriage insurance condemns her to +life-long dependency, to parasitism, to complete uselessness, individual +as well as social. Man, too, pays his toll, but as his sphere is wider, +marriage does not limit him as much as woman. He feels his chains more +in an economic sense. + +Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage. +"Ye who enter here leave all hope behind." + +That marriage is a failure none but the very stupid will deny. One has +but to glance over the statistics of divorce to realize how bitter a +failure marriage really is. Nor will the stereotyped Philistine argument +that the laxity of divorce laws and the growing looseness of woman +account for the fact that: first, every twelfth marriage ends in +divorce; second, that since 1870 divorces have increased from 28 to 73 +for every hundred thousand population; third, that adultery, since 1867, +as ground for divorce, has increased 270.8 per cent.; fourth, that +desertion increased 369.8 per cent. + +Added to these startling figures is a vast amount of material, dramatic +and literary, further elucidating this subject. Robert Herrick, in +_Together_; Pinero, in _Mid-Channel_; Eugene Walter, in _Paid in Full_, +and scores of other writers are discussing the barrenness, the monotony, +the sordidness, the inadequacy of marriage as a factor for harmony and +understanding. + +The thoughtful social student will not content himself with the popular +superficial excuse for this phenomenon. He will have to dig down deeper +into the very life of the sexes to know why marriage proves so +disastrous. + +Edward Carpenter says that behind every marriage stands the life-long +environment of the two sexes; an environment so different from each +other that man and woman must remain strangers. Separated by an +insurmountable wall of superstition, custom, and habit, marriage has not +the potentiality of developing knowledge of, and respect for, each +other, without which every union is doomed to failure. + +Henrik Ibsen, the hater of all social shams, was probably the first to +realize this great truth. Nora leaves her husband, not--as the stupid +critic would have it--because she is tired of her responsibilities or +feels the need of woman's rights, but because she has come to know that +for eight years she had lived with a stranger and borne him children. +Can there be anything more humiliating, more degrading than a life-long +proximity between two strangers? No need for the woman to know anything +of the man, save his income. As to the knowledge of the woman--what is +there to know except that she has a pleasing appearance? We have not yet +outgrown the theologic myth that woman has no soul, that she is a mere +appendix to man, made out of his rib just for the convenience of the +gentleman who was so strong that he was afraid of his own shadow. + +Perchance the poor quality of the material whence woman comes is +responsible for her inferiority. At any rate, woman has no soul--what is +there to know about her? Besides, the less soul a woman has the greater +her asset as a wife, the more readily will she absorb herself in her +husband. It is this slavish acquiescence to man's superiority that has +kept the marriage institution seemingly intact for so long a period. Now +that woman is coming into her own, now that she is actually growing +aware of herself as a being outside of the master's grace, the sacred +institution of marriage is gradually being undermined, and no amount of +sentimental lamentation can stay it. + +From infancy, almost, the average girl is told that marriage is her +ultimate goal; therefore her training and education must be directed +towards that end. Like the mute beast fattened for slaughter, she is +prepared for that. Yet, strange to say, she is allowed to know much less +about her function as wife and mother than the ordinary artisan of his +trade. It is indecent and filthy for a respectable girl to know anything +of the marital relation. Oh, for the inconsistency of respectability, +that needs the marriage vow to turn something which is filthy into the +purest and most sacred arrangement that none dare question or criticize. +Yet that is exactly the attitude of the average upholder of marriage. +The prospective wife and mother is kept in complete ignorance of her +only asset in the competitive field--sex. Thus she enters into life-long +relations with a man only to find herself shocked, repelled, outraged +beyond measure by the most natural and healthy instinct, sex. It is safe +to say that a large percentage of the unhappiness, misery, distress, and +physical suffering of matrimony is due to the criminal ignorance in sex +matters that is being extolled as a great virtue. Nor is it at all an +exaggeration when I say that more than one home has been broken up +because of this deplorable fact. + + +If, however, woman is free and big enough to learn the mystery of sex +without the sanction of State or Church, she will stand condemned as +utterly unfit to become the wife of a "good" man, his goodness +consisting of an empty brain and plenty of money. Can there be anything +more outrageous than the idea that a healthy, grown woman, full of life +and passion, must deny nature's demand, must subdue her most intense +craving, undermine her health and break her spirit, must stunt her +vision, abstain from the depth and glory of sex experience until a +"good" man comes along to take her unto himself as a wife? That is +precisely what marriage means. How can such an arrangement end except in +failure? This is one, though not the least important, factor of +marriage, which differentiates it from love. + +Ours is a practical age. The time when Romeo and Juliet risked the wrath +of their fathers for love, when Gretchen exposed herself to the gossip +of her neighbors for love, is no more. If, on rare occasions, young +people allow themselves the luxury of romance, they are taken in care by +the elders, drilled and pounded until they become "sensible." + +The moral lesson instilled in the girl is not whether the man has +aroused her love, but rather is it, "How much?" The important and only +God of practical American life: Can the man make a living? can he +support a wife? That is the only thing that justifies marriage. +Gradually this saturates every thought of the girl; her dreams are not +of moonlight and kisses, of laughter and tears; she dreams of shopping +tours and bargain counters. This soul poverty and sordidness are the +elements inherent in the marriage institution. The State and the Church +approve of no other ideal, simply because it is the one that +necessitates the State and Church control of men and women. + +Doubtless there are people who continue to consider love above dollars +and cents. Particularly is this true of that class whom economic +necessity has forced to become self-supporting. The tremendous change in +woman's position, wrought by that mighty factor, is indeed phenomenal +when we reflect that it is but a short time since she has entered the +industrial arena. Six million women wage workers; six million women, who +have the equal right with men to be exploited, to be robbed, to go on +strike; aye, to starve even. Anything more, my lord? Yes, six million +wage workers in every walk of life, from the highest brain work to the +mines and railroad tracks; yes, even detectives and policemen. Surely +the emancipation is complete. + +Yet with all that, but a very small number of the vast army of women +wage workers look upon work as a permanent issue, in the same light as +does man. No matter how decrepit the latter, he has been taught to be +independent, self-supporting. Oh, I know that no one is really +independent in our economic treadmill; still, the poorest specimen of a +man hates to be a parasite; to be known as such, at any rate. + +The woman considers her position as worker transitory, to be thrown +aside for the first bidder. That is why it is infinitely harder to +organize women than men. "Why should I join a union? I am going to get +married, to have a home." Has she not been taught from infancy to look +upon that as her ultimate calling? She learns soon enough that the home, +though not so large a prison as the factory, has more solid doors and +bars. It has a keeper so faithful that naught can escape him. The most +tragic part, however, is that the home no longer frees her from wage +slavery; it only increases her task. + +According to the latest statistics submitted before a Committee "on +labor and wages, and congestion of population," ten per cent. of the +wage workers in New York City alone are married, yet they must continue +to work at the most poorly paid labor in the world. Add to this horrible +aspect the drudgery of housework, and what remains of the protection and +glory of the home? As a matter of fact, even the middle-class girl in +marriage can not speak of her home, since it is the man who creates her +sphere. It is not important whether the husband is a brute or a +darling. What I wish to prove is that marriage guarantees woman a home +only by the grace of her husband. There she moves about in _his_ home, +year after year, until her aspect of life and human affairs becomes as +flat, narrow, and drab as her surroundings. Small wonder if she becomes +a nag, petty, quarrelsome, gossipy, unbearable, thus driving the man +from the house. She could not go, if she wanted to; there is no place to +go. Besides, a short period of married life, of complete surrender of +all faculties, absolutely incapacitates the average woman for the +outside world. She becomes reckless in appearance, clumsy in her +movements, dependent in her decisions, cowardly in her judgment, a +weight and a bore, which most men grow to hate and despise. Wonderfully +inspiring atmosphere for the bearing of life, is it not? + +But the child, how is it to be protected, if not for marriage? After +all, is not that the most important consideration? The sham, the +hypocrisy of it! Marriage protecting the child, yet thousands of +children destitute and homeless. Marriage protecting the child, yet +orphan asylums and reformatories overcrowded, the Society for the +Prevention of Cruelty to Children keeping busy in rescuing the little +victims from "loving" parents, to place them under more loving care, the +Gerry Society. Oh, the mockery of it! + +Marriage may have the power to bring the horse to water, but has it ever +made him drink? The law will place the father under arrest, and put him +in convict's clothes; but has that ever stilled the hunger of the child? +If the parent has no work, or if he hides his identity, what does +marriage do then? It invokes the law to bring the man to "justice," to +put him safely behind closed doors; his labor, however, goes not to the +child, but to the State. The child receives but a blighted memory of its +father's stripes. + +As to the protection of the woman,--therein lies the curse of marriage. +Not that it really protects her, but the very idea is so revolting, such +an outrage and insult on life, so degrading to human dignity, as to +forever condemn this parasitic institution. + +It is like that other paternal arrangement--capitalism. It robs man of +his birthright, stunts his growth, poisons his body, keeps him in +ignorance, in poverty, and dependence, and then institutes charities +that thrive on the last vestige of man's self-respect. + +The institution of marriage makes a parasite of woman, an absolute +dependent. It incapacitates her for life's struggle, annihilates her +social consciousness, paralyzes her imagination, and then imposes its +gracious protection, which is in reality a snare, a travesty on human +character. + +If motherhood is the highest fulfillment of woman's nature, what other +protection does it need, save love and freedom? Marriage but defiles, +outrages, and corrupts her fulfillment. Does it not say to woman, Only +when you follow me shall you bring forth life? Does it not condemn her +to the block, does it not degrade and shame her if she refuses to buy +her right to motherhood by selling herself? Does not marriage only +sanction motherhood, even though conceived in hatred, in compulsion? +Yet, if motherhood be of free choice, of love, of ecstasy, of defiant +passion, does it not place a crown of thorns upon an innocent head and +carve in letters of blood the hideous epithet, Bastard? Were marriage to +contain all the virtues claimed for it, its crimes against motherhood +would exclude it forever from the realm of love. + + +Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of +hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all +conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful moulder of human +destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that +poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage? + + +Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but +all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued +bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man +has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love. +Man has chained and fettered the spirit, but he has been utterly +helpless before love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and pomp +his gold can command, man is yet poor and desolate, if love passes him +by. And if it stays, the poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life +and color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a beggar a king. +Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere. In freedom it +gives itself unreservedly, abundantly, completely. All the laws on the +statutes, all the courts in the universe, cannot tear it from the soil, +once love has taken root. If, however, the soil is sterile, how can +marriage make it bear fruit? It is like the last desperate struggle of +fleeting life against death. + +Love needs no protection; it is its own protection. So long as love +begets life no child is deserted, or hungry, or famished for the want of +affection. I know this to be true. I know women who became mothers in +freedom by the men they loved. Few children in wedlock enjoy the care, +the protection, the devotion free motherhood is capable of bestowing. + + +The defenders of authority dread the advent of a free motherhood, lest +it will rob them of their prey. Who would fight wars? Who would create +wealth? Who would make the policeman, the jailer, if woman were to +refuse the indiscriminate breeding of children? The race, the race! +shouts the king, the president, the capitalist, the priest. The race +must be preserved, though woman be degraded to a mere machine,--and the +marriage institution is our only safety valve against the pernicious sex +awakening of woman. But in vain these frantic efforts to maintain a +state of bondage. In vain, too, the edicts of the Church, the mad +attacks of rulers, in vain even the arm of the law. Woman no longer +wants to be a party to the production of a race of sickly, feeble, +decrepit, wretched human beings, who have neither the strength nor moral +courage to throw off the yoke of poverty and slavery. Instead she +desires fewer and better children, begotten and reared in love and +through free choice; not by compulsion, as marriage imposes. Our +pseudo-moralists have yet to learn the deep sense of responsibility +toward the child, that love in freedom has awakened in the breast of +woman. Rather would she forego forever the glory of motherhood than +bring forth life in an atmosphere that breathes only destruction and +death. And if she does become a mother, it is to give to the child the +deepest and best her being can yield. To grow with the child is her +motto; she knows that in that manner alone can she help build true +manhood and womanhood. + + +Ibsen must have had a vision of a free mother, when, with a master +stroke, he portrayed Mrs. Alving. She was the ideal mother because she +had outgrown marriage and all its horrors, because she had broken her +chains, and set her spirit free to soar until it returned a personality, +regenerated and strong. Alas, it was too late to rescue her life's joy, +her Oswald; but not too late to realize that love in freedom is the only +condition of a beautiful life. Those who, like Mrs. Alving, have paid +with blood and tears for their spiritual awakening, repudiate marriage +as an imposition, a shallow, empty mockery. They know, whether love last +but one brief span of time or for eternity, it is the only creative, +inspiring, elevating basis for a new race, a new world. + + +In our present pygmy state love is indeed a stranger to most people. +Misunderstood and shunned, it rarely takes root; or if it does, it soon +withers and dies. Its delicate fiber can not endure the stress and +strain of the daily grind. Its soul is too complex to adjust itself to +the slimy woof of our social fabric. It weeps and moans and suffers with +those who have need of it, yet lack the capacity to rise to love's +summit. + +Some day, some day men and women will rise, they will reach the mountain +peak, they will meet big and strong and free, ready to receive, to +partake, and to bask in the golden rays of love. What fancy, what +imagination, what poetic genius can foresee even approximately the +potentialities of such a force in the life of men and women. If the +world is ever to give birth to true companionship and oneness, not +marriage, but love will be the parent. + + + + + THE ONLY ANARCHIST MONTHLY IN AMERICA + + MOTHER EARTH + + ĥA revolutionary literary magazine devoted to + Anarchist thought in sociology, economics, education, + and life. + + ĥArticles by leading Anarchists and radical + thinkers.--International Notes giving a summary + of the revolutionary activities in various + countries.--Reviews of modern books and the + drama. + + + TEN CENTS A COPY + ONE DOLLAR A YEAR + + + EMMA GOLDMAN Publisher + ALEXANDER BERKMAN Editor + + + 210 EAST THIRTEENTH STREET + + NEW YORK + + + Bound Volumes 1906-1911, Two Dollars per Volume + + + + + MOTHER EARTH SERIES + + Patriotism Emma Goldman 5c. + + What I Believe Emma Goldman 5c. + + Psychology of Political Violence Emma Goldman 10c. + + Anarchism: What It Really Stands For. Emma Goldman 10c. + + Marriage and Love Emma Goldman 10c. + + Anarchy Versus Socialism William C. Owen 5c. + + What Is Worth While? Adeline Champney 5c. + + The Right to Disbelieve Edwin Kuh 5c. + + Anarchism and American Traditions Voltairine de Cleyre 5c. + + The Dominant Idea Voltairine de Cleyre 5c. + + Anarchism and Malthus C. L. James 5c. + + The Modern School Francisco Ferrer 5c. + + + + + NOW READY! + + Anarchism and Other Essays + + EMMA GOLDMAN'S BOOK + + A series of essays comprising a thorough critique + of existing social institutions and conditions, and + giving a comprehensive view of the author's opinions on + matters educational, sexual, economic, political, and social. + + CONTENTS + + 1. Anarchism: What It Really Stands For. + + 2. Minorities versus Majorities. + + 3. The Psychology of Political Violence. + + 4. Prisons: A Social Crime and Failure. + + 5. Patriotism: A Menace to Liberty. + + 6. Francisco Ferrer and The Modern School. + + 7. The Hypocrisy of Puritanism. + + 8. The Traffic in Women. + + 9. Woman Suffrage. + + 10. The Tragedy of Woman's Emancipation. + + 11. Marriage and Love. + + 12. The Modern Drama: A Powerful Disseminator of Radical Thought. + + A biographic sketch of Emma Goldman's interesting + career, with splendid portrait, is included + in the book. + + Orders are to be sent, with cash, to + + MOTHER EARTH, 210 E. 13th St., New York, N. Y. + + Price, $1.00. By Mail, $1.10 + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARRIAGE AND LOVE *** + +***** This file should be named 20715.txt or 20715.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/7/1/20715/ + +Produced by Tamise Totterdell, Fritz Ohrenschall and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net +(This book was produced from scanned images of public +domain material from the Google Print project.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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