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diff --git a/21098.txt b/21098.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..efb3cbd --- /dev/null +++ b/21098.txt @@ -0,0 +1,10739 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Independence of Claire, by +Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Independence of Claire + +Author: Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey + +Release Date: April 16, 2007 [EBook #21098] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE INDEPENDENCE OF CLAIRE *** + + + + +Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England + + + + +The Independence of Claire + +By Mrs George de Horne Vaizey +________________________________________________________________________ +This is a rather typical Horne Vaizey book, about the life led by young +well-brought-up women in Edwardian times. Worries about money, about +who to marry, whether to go or not to parties to be given by elderly +hostesses, about clothes, about hair-styles, and even, as so often in +this author's books, with a bit of illness thrown in as well. + +There's a time when Claire seems on the way to making a big mistake, but +it all gets sorted out in the end. Make an audiobook of this book - +that is probably the best way to enjoy it. +________________________________________________________________________ +THE INDEPENDENCE OF CLAIRE + +BY MRS. GEORGE DE HORNE VAIZEY + + + +CHAPTER ONE. + +"I'LL HAVE TO DO IT." + +Claire Gifford stood in the salon of the Brussels pension which had been +her home for the last three years, and bent her brows in consideration +of an all-absorbing problem. "Can I marry him?" she asked herself once +and again, with the baffling result that every single time her brain +answered instantly, "_You must_!" the while her heart rose up in +rebellion, and cried, "I won't!" Many girls have found themselves in +the same predicament before and since, but few have had stronger reasons +for sacrificing personal inclination on the altar of filial duty than +Claire knew at this minute. + +To begin with, the relationship between herself and her mother was more +intimate than is usually the case, for Claire was an only child, and +Mrs Gifford a widow only eighteen years older than herself. Briefly +stated, the family history was as follows--Eleanor Guyther had been the +only child of stern, old-world parents, and at seventeen had run away +from the house which had been more like a prison than a home, to marry a +handsome young artist who had been painting in the neighbourhood during +the summer months; a handsome merry-faced boy of twenty-one, whose +portrait Claire treasured in an old-fashioned gold locket, long since +discarded by her mother, who followed the fashion in jewellery as well +as in dress. It was strange to look at the face of a father who was no +older than oneself, and Claire had spent many hours gazing at the +pictured face, and trying to gain from it some idea of the personality +of the man of whom her mother persistently refused to speak. + +Mrs Gifford shrank from all disagreeables, great and small, and +systematically turned her back on anything which was disturbing or +painful, so that it was only from chance remarks that her daughter had +gained any information about the past. She knew that her father had +been a successful artist, although not in the highest sense of the term. +He had a trick of turning out pretty domestic pictures which appealed +to the taste of the million, and which, being purchased by enterprising +dealers, were reproduced in cheap prints to deck the walls of suburban +parlours. While he lived he made a sufficient income, and before his +death a formal reconciliation had taken place between the runaway +daughter and her north-country parents, from whom she later inherited +the money which had supported herself and her daughter throughout the +years of her widowhood. + +Claire had the vaguest idea as to the amount of her mother's means, for +until the last few years the question of money had never arisen, they +had simply decided what they wished to do, without considering the cost, +but of late there had been seasons of financial tightness, and the +morning on which this history begins had brought a most disagreeable +awakening. + +Mrs Gifford was seated in the salon staring disconsolately at a note +which had just arrived by the afternoon post. It was a very +disagreeable note, for it stated in brief and callous terms that her +account at the bank was overdrawn to the extent of three hundred francs, +and politely requested that the deficit should be made good. Claire +looked flushed and angry; Mrs Gifford looked pathetic and pale. + +It seemed, in the first place, quite ludicrous that such a relationship +as that of mother and daughter should exist between two women who looked +so nearly of an age, and Mrs Gifford's youthful appearance was a +standing joke in the Pension. Every new visitor was questioned by +Madame as to the relationship between the two English ladies, and never +had one of the number failed to reply "sisters," and to be convulsed +with astonishment when corrected; and in good truth Mrs Gifford was a +wonderful specimen of the prolonged youth which is a phenomenon of the +present day. + +She was slight, she was graceful, her waving brown hair was as naturally +luxuriant as that of a girl, her complexion was smooth and fair, her +pretty features were unchanged, she dressed with good taste, and, though +secretly proud of her youthful looks, was never so foolish as to adopt +kittenish airs to match. Her manner was quiet, gracious, appealing; a +little air of pathos enveloped her like a mist; on strangers she made +the impression of a lovely creature who had known suffering. Everybody +was kind to Mrs Gifford, and she in return had never been known to +utter an unkind word. She had been born with the faculty of loving +everybody a little, and no one very much, which--if one comes to think +of it--is the most powerful of all factors towards securing an easy +life, since it secures the owner from the possibility of keen personal +suffering. + +At the present moment Mrs Gifford did, however, look really perturbed, +for, after shutting her eyes to a disagreeable fact, and keeping them +shut with much resolution and--it must be added--ease, for many years +past, she was now driven to face the truth, and to break it to her +daughter into the bargain. + +"But I don't understand!" Claire repeated blankly. "How _can_ the +money be gone? We have spent no more this year than for years past. I +should think we have spent less. I haven't been extravagant a bit. You +offered me a new hat only last week, and I said I could do without--" + +"Yes, yes, of course. It's quite true, _cherie_, you have been most +good. But, you see, ours has not been a case of an income that goes on +year after year--it never was, even from the beginning. There was not +enough. And you _did_ have a good education, didn't you? I spared +nothing on it. It's folly to stint on a girl's education.--It was one +of the best schools in Paris." + +"It was, mother; but we are not talking about schools. Do let us get to +the bottom of this horrid muddle! If it isn't a case of `income,' what +can it be? I'm ignorant about money, for you have always managed +business matters, but I can't see what else we can have been living +upon?" + +Mrs Gifford crinkled her delicate brows, and adopted an air of +plaintive self-defence. + +"I'm sure it's as great a shock to me as it is to you; but, under the +circumstances, I do think I managed very well. It was only nine +thousand pounds at the beginning, and I've made it last over thirteen +years, _with_ your education! And since we've been here, for the last +three years, I've given you a good time, and taken you to everything +that was going on. Naturally it all costs. Naturally money can't last +for ever..." + +The blood flooded the girl's face. Now at last she _did_ understand, +and the knowledge filled her with awe. + +"Mother! Do you mean that we have been living all this time on +_capital_?" + +Mrs Gifford shrugged her shoulders, and extended her hands in an +attitude typically French. + +"What would you, _ma chere_? Interest is so ridiculously low. They +offered me three per cent. Four was considered high. How could we have +lived on less than three hundred a year? Your school bills came to +nearly as much, and I had to live, too, and keep you in the holidays. I +did what I thought was the best. We should both have been miserable in +cheap pensions, stinting ourselves of everything we liked. The money +has made us happy for thirteen years." + +Claire rose from her seat and walked over to the window. The road into +which she looked was wide and handsome, lined with a double row of +trees. The sun shone on the high white houses with the green +_jalousies_, which stood _vis-a-vis_ with the Pension. Along the +cobble-stoned path a dog was dragging a milk-cart, the gleaming brass +cans clanking from side to side; through the open window came the faint +indescribable scent which distinguishes a continental from a British +city. Claire stared with unseeing eyes, her heart beating with heavy +thuds. She conjured up the image of a man's face--a strong kindly +face--a face which might well make the sunshine of some woman's life, +but which made no appeal to her own heart. She set her lips, and two +bright spots of colour showed suddenly in her cheeks. So smooth and +uneventful had been her life that this was the first time that she had +found herself face to face with serious difficulty, and, after the first +shock of realisation, her spirit rose to meet it. She straightened her +shoulders as if throwing off a weight, and her heart cried valiantly, +"It's my own life, and I will _not_ be forced! There must be some other +way. It's for me to find it!" + +Suddenly she whirled round, and walked back to her mother. + +"Mother, if you knew how little money was left, why wouldn't you let me +accept Miss Farnborough's offer at Christmas!" + +For a moment Mrs Gifford's face expressed nothing but bewilderment. +Then comprehension dawned. + +"You mean the school-mistress from London? What was it she suggested? +That you should go to her as a teacher? It was only a suggestion, so +far as I remember. She made no definite offer." + +"Oh, yes, she did. She said that she had everlasting difficulty with +her French mistresses, and that I was the very person for whom she'd +been looking. Virtually French, yet really English in temperament. She +made me a definite offer of a hundred and ten pounds a year." + +Mrs Gifford laughed, and shrugged her graceful shoulders. She appeared +to find the proposal supremely ridiculous, yet when people were without +money, the only sane course seemed to be to take what one could get. +Claire felt that she had not yet mastered the situation. There must be +something behind which she had still to grasp. + +"Well, never mind the school for a moment, mother dear. Tell me what +_you_ thought of doing. You must have had some plan in your head all +these years while the money was dwindling away. Tell me your scheme, +then we can compare the two and see which is better." + +Mrs Gifford bent her head over the table, and scribbled aimlessly with +a pen in which there was no ink. She made no answer in words, yet as +she waited the blood flamed suddenly over Claire's face, for it seemed +to her that she divined what was in her mother's mind. "I expected that +you would marry. I have done my best to educate you and give you a +happy youth. I expected that you would accept your first good offer, +and look after _me_!" + +That was what a French mother would naturally say to her daughter; that +was what Claire Gifford believed that her own mother was saying to her +at that moment, and the accusation brought little of the revolt which an +English girl would have experienced. Claire had been educated at a +Parisian boarding school, and during the last three years had associated +almost entirely with French-speaking Andrees and Maries and Celestes, +who took for granted that their husbands should be chosen for them by +their parents. Claire had assisted at betrothal feasts, and played +_demoiselle d'honneur_ at subsequent weddings, and had witnessed an +astonishing degree of happiness as an outcome of these business-like +unions. At this moment she felt no anger against her own mother for +having tried to follow a similar course. Her prevailing sensation was +annoyance with herself for having been so difficult to lead. + +"It must be my English blood. Somehow, when it came to the point, I +never _could_. But Mr Judge is different from most men. He is so good +and generous and unmercenary. He'd be kind to mother, and let her live +with us, and make no fuss. He is as charming to her as he is to me. +Oh, dear, I _am_ selfish! I _am_ a wretch! It isn't as if I were in +love with anyone else. I'm not. Perhaps I never shall be. I'll never +have the chance if I live in lodgings and spend my life teaching +irregular verbs. Why can't I be sensible and French, and marry him and +live happily ever after? _Pauvre petite mere_! Why can't I think of +_her_?" + +Suddenly Claire swooped down upon her mother's drooping figure, wrapped +her in loving arms, and swung her gently to and fro. She was a tall, +strikingly graceful girl, with a face less regularly beautiful than her +mother's, but infinitely more piquant and attractive. She was more +plump and rounded than the modern English girl, and her complexion less +pink and white, but she was very neat and dainty and smart, possessed +deep-set, heavily-lashed grey eyes, red lips which curled mischievously +upward at the corner, and a pair of dimples on her soft left cheek. + +The dimples were in full play at this moment; the large one was just on +the level with the upward curl of the lips, the smaller one nestled +close to its side. In repose they were almost unnoticed, but at the +slightest lighting of expression, at the first dawn of a smile, they +danced into sight and became the most noticeable feature of her face. +Claire without her dimples would have been another and far less +fascinating personality. + +"Mother darling, forgive me! Kiss me, _cherie_--don't look sad! I +_have_ had a good time, and we'll have a good time yet, if it is in my +power to get it for you. Cheer up! Things won't be as bad as you fear. +We won't allow them to be bad. ... How much does the horrid old bank +say that we owe? Three hundred francs. I can pay it out of my own +little savings. Does it mean literally that there is nothing more, +nothing at all--not a single sou?" + +"Oh no. I have some shares. They have been worthless for years, but +just lately they have gone up. I was asking Mr Judge about them +yesterday. He says I might get between two and three hundred pounds. +They were worth a thousand, years ago." + +Claire brightened with the quick relief of youth. Two or three hundred +English pounds were a considerable improvement on a debit account. With +two or three hundred pounds much might yet be done. Thousands of people +had built up great fortunes on smaller foundations. In a vague, +indefinite fashion she determined to devote these last pounds to +settling herself in some business, which would ensure a speedy and +generous return. School teaching was plainly out of the question, since +two gentlewomen could not exist on a hundred and ten pounds a year. She +must think of something quicker, more lucrative. + +All through dinner that evening Claire debated her future vocation as +she sat by her mother's side, halfway down the long dining-table which +to English eyes appeared so bare and unattractive, but which was yet +supplied with the most appetising of food. Claire's eyes were +accustomed to the lack of pretty detail; she had quite an affection for +the Pension which stood for home in her migratory life, and a real love +for Madame Dupre, the cheery, kindly, most capable proprietor. Such of +the _pensionnaires_ as were not purely birds of passage she regarded as +friends rather than acquaintances; the only person in the room to whom +she felt any antagonism was Mr Judge himself, but unfortunately he was +the one of all others whom she was expected to like best. + +As she ate her salad and broke fragments of delicious crusty roll, +Claire threw furtive glances across the table at the man who for the +last weeks had exercised so disturbing an element in her life. Was it +six weeks or two months, since she and her mother had first made his +acquaintance at the tennis club at which they spent so many of their +afternoons? Claire had noticed that a new man had been present on that +occasion, had bestowed on him one critical glance, decided with youthful +arrogance: "Oh, quite old!" and promptly forgotten his existence, until +an hour later, when, as she was sitting in the pavilion enjoying the +luxury of a real English tea, the strange man and her mother had entered +side by side. Claire summoned in imagination the picture of her mother +as she had looked at that moment, slim and graceful in the simplest of +white dresses, an untrimmed linen hat shading her charming face. She +looked about twenty-five, and Claire was convinced that she knew as +much, and that it was a mischievous curiosity to see her companion's +surprise which prompted her to lead the way across the floor, and +formally introduce "My daughter!" + +Mr Judge exhibited all the expected signs of bewilderment, but he made +himself exceedingly amiable to the daughter, and it was not until a week +later that it was discovered that he had concluded that the relationship +must surely be "step," when fresh explanations were made, and all the +bewilderment came over again. + +Since then, oh, since then, Claire told herself, there had been no +getting away from the man! He was, it appeared, an Indian merchant +spending a few months on the Continent, at the conclusion of a year's +leave. He had come to Brussels because of the presence of an old school +friend--the same friend who was responsible for the introduction at the +tennis club--but week after week passed by, and he showed no disposition +to move on. + +Now Brussels is a very gay and interesting little city, but when Paris +looms ahead, and Berlin, Vienna, to say nothing of the beauties of +Switzerland and the Tyrol, and the artistic treasures of Italy--well! it +_did_ seem out of proportion to waste six whole weeks in that one spot! + +At the end of the last fortnight, too, Mr Judge declared that he was +sick to death of hotels and lonely evenings in smoking rooms, and +approached Madame Dupre with a view to joining the party at Villa Beau +Sejour. Madame was delighted to receive him, but Claire Gifford told +her mother resentfully that she considered Mr Judge's behaviour "very +cool." How did he know that it would be pleasant for them to have him +poking about morning, noon, and night? + +"It isn't _our_ Pension, darling, and he is very nice to you," Mrs +Gifford had said in return, and as it was impossible to contradict +either statement, Claire had tossed her head, and relapsed into silence. + +For the first weeks of her acquaintance with Mr Judge, Claire had +thoroughly enjoyed his attentions. It was agreeable to know a man who +had a habit of noting your wishes, and then setting to work to bring +them about forthwith, and who was also delightfully extravagant as +regards flowers, and seemed to grow chocolates in his coat pockets. It +was only when he spoke of moving to the Pension, and her girl friends at +the tennis club began to tease, roll meaning eyes, and ask when she was +to be congratulated, that she took fright. + +Did people really think that she was going to _marry_ Mr Judge? + +Lately things had moved on apace, and as a result of the unwelcome +revelations of the morning's post, Claire was to-day asking herself a +different question. She was no longer occupied with other people; she +was thinking of herself... "Am I going to marry Mr Judge? Oh, good +gracious, is that _My Husband_ sitting over there, and have I got to +live with him every day, as long as we both shall live?" + +She shuddered at the thought, but in truth there was nothing to shudder +at in Robert Judge's appearance. He was a man of forty, bronzed, and +wiry, with agreeable if not regular features. Round his eyes the skin +was deeply furrowed, but the eyes themselves were bright and youthful, +and the prevailing expression was one of sincerity and kindliness. He +wore a loose grey tweed suit, with a soft-coloured shirt which showed a +length of brown neck. The fingers of his right band were deeply stained +with tobacco. During _dejeuner_ he carried on a conversation with his +right-hand companion, in exceedingly bad French, but ever and anon he +glanced across the table as though his thoughts were not on his words. +Once, on looking up suddenly, Claire found his eyes fixed upon herself, +with a strained, anxious look, and her heart quickened as she looked, +then sank down heavy as lead. + +"It's coming!" she said to herself. "It's coming! There's no running +away. I'll have to stay, and see it out. Oh, why can't I be French, +and sensible? I ought to be thankful to marry such a kind, good man, +and be able to give mother a comfortable home!" + +But as a matter of fact she was neither glad nor thankful. Despite her +French training, the English instinct survived and clamoured for +liberty, for independence. "It's my own life. If I marry at all, I +want to choose the man for no other reason than that I love him; not as +a duty, and to please somebody else!" Then she glanced at her mother +sitting by her side, slim, and graceful, with the little air of pathos +and helplessness which even strangers found so appealing, and as she did +so, a shiver passed through Claire's veins. + +"But I'll have to do it!" she said to herself helplessly. "I'll have to +do it!" + + + +CHAPTER TWO. + +TOO SUCCESSFUL! + +The next few days passed by slowly enough. It is a great trial for a +young creature to realise that a change is inevitable and, at the same +time, that one must be cautious about making it. The impulse is always +to rush into action, and it is difficult to sit still and agree with the +elderly precept in favour of consideration and delay. If matters had +been left to Claire she would have started out forthwith to search for a +cheap Pension, and would have also despatched a letter to Miss +Farnborough by the first post, to inquire if the school post were still +open, but her mother vetoed both proposals, and pleaded so urgently for +delay, that there was nothing left but to agree, and compose herself as +best she might. + +The weather was too hot for tennis, and in truth Claire was not in the +mood for games. With every hour she realised more keenly that she had +come to the parting of the ways, and in the prospect of a new life old +interests lost their savour. Her mother seemed to share her +restlessness, but while Claire preferred to stay indoors, in the privacy +of her own room, Mrs Gifford seemed to find relief in action, and was +often out for hours at a time, without vouchsafing any explanation of +her absence. + +Claire was not curious. She was content to close the green shutters of +her windows, slip into a muslin wrapper, and employ herself at some +simple piece of needlework, which kept her hands busy while leaving her +thoughts free. + +Where would she be this time next year? It was a question which no +mortal can answer with certainty, but many of us are happy in the +probability that we shall be still living in the same dear home, +surrounded by the people and the objects which we love, whereas Claire's +one certainty was that she must move on to fresh scenes. Bombay or +London--that seemed the choice ahead! Matrimony or teaching. On the +one hand a luxurious home, carriages and horses, a staff of servants, +and apparently as much society as one desired, with the incubus of a +husband whom she did not love, and who was twenty years her senior. On +the other hand, work and poverty, with the advantages of freedom and +independence. + +Claire's eyes brightened at the sound of those two words, for dear as +liberty is to the heart of an Englishwoman, it was in prospect dearer +still to this girl who had been educated in a country still enslaved by +chaperonage, and had never known a taste of real freedom of action. +Mrs Gifford had been as strict as or stricter than any Belgian mother, +being rightly determined that no breath of scandal should touch her +daughter's name; therefore wherever Claire went, some responsible female +went with her. She was chaperoned to church, chaperoned on her morning +constitutional, a chaperon sat on guard during the period of music and +drawing lessons, and at their conclusion escorted her back to the +Pension. What wonder that the thought of life as a bachelor girl in +London seemed full of a thrilling excitement! + +Suppose for one minute that she decided on London--what would become of +mother? Again and again Claire asked herself this question, again and +again she recalled the interview between herself and the headmistress, +Miss Farnborough, when the subject of teaching had been discussed. It +had happened one morning in the salon of the Pension, when Claire had +been coaching an English visitor in preparation for a French interview +which lay ahead, and Miss Farnborough, laying down her book, had +listened with smiling interest. Then the Englishwoman left the room, +and Miss Farnborough had said, "You did that very cleverly; very +cleverly indeed! You have a very happy knack of putting things simply +and forcibly. I've noticed it more than once. Have you ever done any +teaching?" + +"None professionally," Claire had replied with a laugh, "but a great +deal by chance. I seem to drift into the position of coach to most of +the English visitors here. It pleases them, and it interests me. And I +used to help the French girls with their English at school." + +Then Miss Farnborough had inquired with interest as to the details of +Claire's education, the schools she had attended, the examinations she +had passed, and finally had come the critical question, "Have you ever +thought of taking up teaching as a profession?" + +Claire had never thought of taking up work of any kind, but the +suggestion roused a keen interest, as one of the temporary "tight" times +was in process, so that the prospect of money-making seemed particularly +agreeable. She discussed the subject carefully, and out of that +discussion had arisen the final offer of a post. + +The junior French mistress in the High School of which Miss Farnborough +was head was leaving at midsummer. If Claire wished she could take her +place, at a salary beginning at a hundred and ten pounds a year. In +Trust Schools, of which Saint Cuthbert's was one, there was no fixed +scale of advancement, but a successful teacher could reach a salary of, +say, two hundred a year by the time she was thirty-eight or forty, as +against the permanent sixty or seventy offered to mistresses in +residential schools of a higher grade. Miss Farnborough's mistresses +were women trained at the various universities; the school itself was +situated in a fashionable neighbourhood, and its pupils were for the +most part daughters of professional men, and gentlefolk of moderate +incomes. There was no pension scheme, and mistresses had to live out, +but with care and economy they could take out some insurance to provide +for old age. + +Claire took little interest in her own old age, which seemed too far +away to count, but she was intensely interested in the immediate future, +and had been hurt and annoyed when her mother had waved aside the +proposal as unworthy of serious consideration. And now, only three +months after Miss Farnborough's departure, the crisis had arisen, and +that hundred and ten pounds assumed a vastly increased value. Supposing +that the post was accepted, and mother and daughter started life in +London with a capital of between two and three hundred pounds, and a +salary of one hundred and ten, as regular income--how long would the +nest-egg last out? + +Judging from the experience of past years, a very short time indeed, and +what would happen after that? Claire had read gruesome tales of the +struggles of women in like positions, overtaken by illness, losing the +salaries which represented their all, brought face to face with actual +starvation, and in the midst of the midsummer heat, little shivers of +fear trickled up and down her spine as she realised how easily she and +her mother might drift into a like position. + +Then, on the other hand, Bombay! Indian houses were large; mother could +have her own rooms. In the hot weather they would go together to the +hills, leaving Mr Judge behind. How long did the hot season last, four +or five months? Nearly half the year, perhaps. It would be only half +as bad as marrying a man for money in Europe, for you would get rid of +him all that time! Claire shrugged her shoulders and laughed, and two +minutes later whisked away a tear, dedicated to the memory of girlish +dreams. Useless to dream any longer, she was awake now, and must face +life in a sensible manner. Her duty was to marry Robert Judge, and to +make a home for her mother. + +Another girl might have cherished anger against the recklessness which +had landed her in such a trap, but after the first shock of discovery +there had been no resentment in Claire's heart. She implicitly believed +her mother's assurance that according to her light she had acted for the +best, and echoed with heartiness the assertion that the money had +provided a good time for thirteen long years. + +They had not been rich, but there had been a feeling of sufficiency. +They had had comfortable quarters, pretty clothes, delightful holiday +journeys, a reasonable amount of gaiety, and, over and beyond all, the +advantages of an excellent education. Claire's happy nature remembered +her benefits, and made short work of the rest. Poor, beautiful mother! +who could expect her to be prudent and careful, like any ordinary, +prosaic, middle-aged woman? + +Even as the thought passed through the girl's mind the door of the +bedroom opened, and Mrs Gifford appeared on the threshold. She wore a +large shady hat, and in the dim light of the room her face was not +clearly visible, but there was a tone in her voice which aroused +Claire's instant curiosity. Mother was trying to speak in her ordinary +voice, but she was nervous, she was agitated. She was not feeling +ordinary at all. + +"Claire, _cherie_, we are going to the forest to have tea. It is +impossibly hot indoors, but it will be delightful under the trees. Mr +Judge has sent for a _fiacre_, and Miss Benson has asked to come too. +Put on your blue muslin and your big hat. Be quick, darling! I'll +fasten you up." + +"I'd rather not go, thank you, mother. I'm quite happy here. Don't +trouble about me!" + +Mrs Gifford was obviously discomposed. She hesitated, frowned, walked +restlessly up and down, then spoke again with an added note of +insistence-- + +"But I want you to come, Claire. I've not troubled you before, because +I saw you wanted to be alone, but--it can't go on. Mr Judge wants you +to come. He suggested the drive because he thought it would tempt you. +If you refuse to-day, he will ask you again to-morrow. I think, dear, +you ought to come." + +Claire was silent. She felt sick and faint; all over her body little +pulses seemed to be whizzing like so many alarm clocks, all crying in +insistent voices, "Time's up! Time's up! No more lazing. Up with you, +and do your duty!" Her forehead felt very damp and her throat felt very +dry, and she heard a sharp disagreeable voice saying curtly-- + +"Oh, certainly, I will come. No need to make a fuss. I can dress +myself, thank you. I'll come down when I'm ready!" + +Mrs Gifford turned without a word and went out of the room, but Claire +was too busy being sorry for herself to have sympathy to spare for +anyone else. She threw off her wrapper and slipped into the cool muslin +dress which was at once so simple, and so essentially French and up-to- +date, and then, throwing open the door of a cupboard, stared at a long +row of hats ranged on a top shelf, and deliberately selected the one +which she considered the least becoming. + +"I will _not_ be decked up for the sacrifice!" she muttered +rebelliously, then bent forward, so that her face approached close to +the flushed, frowning reflection in the glass. "You are going to be +proposed to, my dear!" she said scornfully. "You are going to be good +and sensible, and say `Yes, please!' When you see yourself next, you +will be Engaged! It won't be dear little Claire Gifford any more, it +will be the horrible future Mrs Robert Judge!" + +She stuck hat-pins through the straw hat with savage energy; for once in +her life noticed with distinct satisfaction that it was secured at an +unbecoming angle, then, hearing through the _jalousies_ the sound of +approaching wheels, marched resolutely forth to meet her fate... + +In the _fiacre_ Mrs Gifford and Miss Benson took the seats of honour, +leaving Claire and Mr Judge to sit side by side, and the one furtive +glance which she cast in his direction showed him looking confident and +unperturbed. Just like a French _pretendu_, already assured by Maman +that Mademoiselle was meekly waiting to assent to his suit! + +"He might at least pay me the compliment of _pretending_! It is +dreadfully dull to be taken for granted," reflected Claire in disgust. + +The next hour was a horrible experience. Everything happened exactly as +Claire had known it would, from the moment the quartette set forth. +Arrived at the forest, they took possession of one of the little tables +beneath the trees, and made fitful conversation the while they consumed +delicious cakes and execrable tea. Then the meal being finished, Mrs +Gifford and her companion announced a wish to sit still and rest, while +Mr Judge nervously invited Miss Claire to accompany him in a walk. She +assented, of course; what was the use of putting it off? and as soon as +they were well started, he spied another seat, and insisted upon sitting +down once more. + +"Now he'll begin," thought Claire desperately. "He'll talk about India, +and being lonely, and say how happy he has felt since he's been here," +and even as the thought passed through her mind, Mr Judge began to +speak. + +"Awfully jolly old forest this is--awfully nice place Brussels, +altogether. Nicest place in the world. Never been so happy in my life +as I've been the last month. Of course, naturally, you must realise +that, when a fellow hangs on week after week, there--er, there must be +some special attraction. Not that it isn't a rattling old city, and all +that!" Mr Judge was growing a little mixed: his voice sounded flurried +and nervous, but Claire was not in the least inclined to help him. She +sat rigid as a poker, staring stolidly ahead. There was not the ghost +of a dimple in her soft pink cheeks. + +"I--er, your mother tells me that she has said nothing to you, but she +is sure, all the same, that you suspect. I asked her to let me speak to +you to-day. Naturally she feels the difficulty. She is devoted to you. +You know that, of course. I have told her that I will make your +happiness my special charge. There is nothing in the world I would not +do to ensure it. You know that too, don't you, Claire?" + +He stretched out his hand and touched her tentatively on the arm, but +Claire drew herself back with a prickly dignity. If he wanted to +propose at all, he must propose properly; she was not going to commit +herself in response to an insinuation. + +"You are very kind. I am quite happy as I am." + +"Er--yes--yes, of course, but--but things don't go on, you know, can't +go on always without a change!" + +Mr Judge took off his straw hat, twirled it nervously to and fro, and +laid it down on the bench by his side. Claire, casting a quick glance, +noticed that his hair was growing noticeably thin on the temples, and +felt an additional sinking of spirits. + +"Claire!" cried the man desperately, "don't let us beat about the bush. +I'm not used to this sort of thing--don't make it harder than you need! +You _have_ noticed, haven't you? You know what I want to tell you?" + +Claire nodded dumbly. In the case of previous Belgian admirers affairs +had been checked before they reached the extreme stage, and she found +this, her first spoken proposal much less exciting than she had +expected. As a friend pure and simple, she had thoroughly liked Mr +Judge, and at the bottom of her heart there lived a lingering hope that +perhaps if he loved her very much, and expressed his devotion in very +eloquent words, her heart might soften in response. But so far he had +not even mentioned love! She was silent for several minutes, and when +she did speak it was to ask a side question. + +"Is mother willing to go to India?" + +She was looking at the man as she spoke, and the change which passed +over his face, startled her by its intensity. His eyes shone, the +rugged features were transfigured by a very radiance of joy. He looked +young at that moment, young and handsome, and blissfully content. +Claire stared at him in amazement, not unmingled with irritation. Even +if mother _were_ willing, her own consent had still to be obtained. It +was tactless to make so sure! + +Her own face looked decidedly sulky as she twitched round on her seat, +and resumed her stolid staring into space. Again there was silence, +till a hand stretched out to clasp her arm, and a voice spoke in deep +appealing accents-- + +"Claire, dear child, you are young; you have never known loneliness or +disappointment. We have! Happiness is fifty times more precious, when +it comes to those who have suffered. You would not be cruel enough to +damp our happiness! You _can_ do it, you know, if you persist in an +attitude of coldness and disapproval. I don't say you can destroy it. +Thank God! it goes too deep for anyone to be able to do that. But you +can rub off the bloom. Don't do it, Claire! Be generous. Be yourself. +Wish us good luck!" + +"Wish _who_ good luck? What, oh, what are you talking about?" Claire +was gasping now, quivering with a frenzy of excitement. Robert Judge +stared in return, his face full of an honest bewilderment. + +"Of our engagement, of course. Your mother's engagement to me. I have +been talking about it all the time!" + +Then Claire threw up both her hands, and burst into a wild peal of +laughter. Peal after peal rang out into the air, she rocked to and fro +on her seat, her eyes disappeared from view, her teeth shone, her little +feet in their dainty French shoes danced upon the ground; she laughed +till the tears poured down her cheeks, and her gloved hands pressed +against her side where a "stitch" was uncomfortably making itself felt. +Stout Belgian couples passing past the end of the avenue, looked on with +indulgent smiles, a little shocked at so much demonstration in public, +but relieved to perceive that _une Anglaise_ could laugh with such +_abandon_. Monsieur they observed looked not sympathetic. Monsieur had +an air injured, annoyed, on his dignity. On his cheeks was a flush, as +of wounded pride. When at length the paroxysm showed signs of +lessening, he spoke in cold stilted tones. + +"You appear to find it ridiculous. It seems to amuse you very much. I +may say that to us it is a serious matter!" + +"Oh no! You don't understand--you _don't_ understand!" gasped Claire +feebly. "I am not laughing at you. I'm laughing at myself. Oh, Mr +Judge, you'll never guess, it's too screamingly funny for words. I +thought all this time, from the very beginning I thought, it was _me_!" + +"You thought it was--you thought I wanted--that I was talking of--that I +meant to propose to--" + +"Yes! Yes! Yes! Me! Me! Me! Of course I did. I've been thinking +it for weeks. Everyone thought so. They've teased me to death. You +were attentive to me, you know you were. You were always giving me +things ..." + +"Well, of course!" Poor Mr Judge defended himself with honest +indignation. "What else could I do? I could not give them to _her_! +And I wanted--naturally I wanted, to get you on my side. You were the +difficulty. I knew that if she had only herself to consider I could win +her round, but if you ranged yourself against me, it would be a hard +fight. Naturally I tried to ingratiate myself. It appears that I have +rather overdone the part, but I can't flatter myself," his eyes twinkled +mischievously, "that I've been too successful! You don't appear exactly +overcome with disappointment!" + +They laughed together, but only for a moment. Then he was serious +again, appealing to her in earnest tones. + +"You won't range yourself against me, Claire? You won't dissuade her.-- +I love her very dearly, and I know I can make her happy. You won't make +it hard for us?" + +"Indeed, I won't! Why should I?" Claire cried heartily. "I'm only too +thankful. Mother needs someone to look after her, and I'd sooner you +did it than anyone else. I like you awfully--always did, until I began +to be afraid--I didn't want to marry you myself, but if mother does, I +think it's a splendid thing." + +"Thank you, dear, thank you a thousand times. That's a _great_ relief." +Robert Judge stretched himself with a deep breath of satisfaction. +Then he grew confidential, reviewing the past with true lover-like +enjoyment. + +"I fell in love with her that first afternoon at the tennis club. +Thought Bridges introduced her as Miss Gifford, put her down at twenty- +five, and hoped she wouldn't think me a hopeless old fogey. Never had +such a surprise in my life as when she introduced you. Thought for a +time I should have to give it up. Then she asked my advice on one or +two business matters, and I discovered--" He hesitated, flushing +uncomfortably, and Claire finished the sentence. + +"That we are coming to the end of our resources?" + +Mr Judge nodded. + +"And so, of course," he continued simply, "that settled it. I couldn't +go away and leave her to face a struggle. I was jolly thankful to feel +that I had met her in time." + +"I think you are a dear, good man. I think mother is very lucky. Thank +you so much for being my step-papa!" cried Claire, her grey eyes +softening with a charming friendliness as they dwelt on the man's honest +face, and he took her hand in his, and squeezed it with affectionate +ardour. + +"Thank you, my dear. Thank _you_! I shall be jolly proud of having +such a pretty daughter. I'm not a rich man, but I am comfortably well- +off, and I'll do my best to give you a good time. Your mother feels +sure she will enjoy the Indian life. Most girls think it great fun. +And of course I have lots of friends." + +Claire stared at him, a new seriousness dawning in her eyes. She looked +very pretty and very young, and not a little pathetic into the bargain. +For the first time since the realisation of her mistake the personal +application of the situation burst upon her, and a chill crept through +her veins. If she herself had married Robert Judge, her mother would +have made her home with them as a matter of course; but it was by no +means a matter of course that she should make her home with her mother. +She stared into the honest face of the man before her--the man who was +not rich, the man who was in love for the first time in his life, and a +smile twisted the corner of her lips. + +"Mr Judge, if I ask you a question, will you promise to give me an +absolutely honest answer?" + +"Yes, I will." + +"Well, then, will you _like_ having a third person living with you all +the time?" + +Up to the man's forehead rushed the treacherous blood. He frowned, he +scowled, he opened his lips to protest; but that flush had answered for +him, and Claire refused to listen. "No, no--don't! Of course you +wouldn't. Who would, in your place? Poor darlings--I quite understand. +You _are_ middle-aged, you know, though you feel about nineteen, and +mother is prettier and more charming than half the girl brides. And you +will want to be just as young and foolish as you like, not to be +_obliged_ to be sensible because a grown-up daughter is there all the +time, staring at you with big eyes? I should be in the way, and I +should _feel_ in the way, and--" + +Mr Judge interrupted in an urgent voice: + +"Look here, Claire, I don't think you ought to corner me like this. +It's not fair. I've told you that I am prepared to do everything for +your happiness. You ought surely to realise that I--" + +"And _you_ ought to realise that I--" Claire broke off suddenly, and +held out her hand with a charming smile. "Oh, but there's plenty of +time--we can arrange all that later on. Let's go and find mother and +put her out of her misery. She will be longing to see us come back." + +They walked down the avenue together, and, as they went, Claire turned +her head from side to side, taking in the well-known scene with wistful +intensity. How many times would she see it again? As she had said, +many discussions would certainly take place as to her future +destination, but she knew in her heart that the result was sure. +Providence had decided or her. The future was London and work! + + + +CHAPTER THREE. + +MRS. GIFFORD IS MARRIED. + +Claire lost no time in writing to Miss Farnborough to apply for the post +of French mistress if it were still vacant, and by return of post +received a cordial reply. Several applications had been received, but +no appointment had been made, and the Head was pleased to confirm her +previous offer of a commencing salary of a hundred and ten pounds, and +would expect Miss Gifford to take up her duties at the beginning of the +autumn term. She congratulated her on her decision, and felt sure she +would never regret devoting her life to so interesting and valuable a +work, instead of being content to waste it in the pursuit of idle +pleasure. + +Poor Claire looked a little dubious as she read those last words. The +pursuit of pleasure does not as a rule begin to pall at twenty-one; and +the old life looked very sweet and pleasant viewed from the new +standpoint of change. She put on a bright face, however, and sternly +repressed all signs of depression in discussing the matter with her +mother and Mr Judge. Her determination evoked the expected opposition, +but slowly and surely the opposition decreased, and her arguments were +listened to with increasing respect. The lovers were sincerely desirous +of securing the girl's happiness, but middle-aged though they were, they +were deeply in love, and felt a natural desire to begin their married +life without the presence of a third person, however dear that person +might be. + +Mr Judge applauded Claire's spirit, and prophesied her rapid success as +a teacher. Mrs Gifford murmured sweetly, "And if you _don't_ like it, +dear, you can always come out by the next boat. Try it for a year. It +will be quite an amusing experience to live the life of a bachelor girl. +And, of course, in a year or two we'll be coming home. Then you must +spend the whole leave with us. We'll see, won't we? We won't make any +plans, but just be guided by circumstances. If you want somewhere to go +in the holidays, there's my old Aunt Mary in Preston, but you'd be bored +to sobs, darling. No doubt Miss Farnborough will introduce you to lots +of nice people in London, and you will have all the fifteen other +mistresses to take you about. I expect you'll be quite gay! ... +Claire, darling, _would_ you have gold tissue under this ninon, or just +a handsome lace?" + +For the next few weeks things moved quickly. In answer to inquiries +about lodgings, Miss Farnborough wrote a second time to say that Miss +Rhodes, the English mistress, had comfortable rooms which she was +sharing with the present French teacher. She was willing to continue +the arrangement, and, as a stranger in town, Claire would doubtless find +it agreeable as well as economical. The letter was entirely business- +like and formal, and, as such, a trifle chilling to Claire, for Miss +Farnborough had been so warm in her spoken invitation that Claire had +expected a more cordial welcome. Could it be that the shadow of +officialdom was already making itself felt? + +The next few weeks were given up to trousseau-hunting and farewell +visits, and no girl could have shown a livelier interest in the +selection of pretty things than did this bride of thirty-nine. Claire +came in for a charming costume to wear at the wedding, and for the rest, +what fitted her mother fitted herself, and as Mrs Gifford said sweetly, +"It would be a sin to waste all my nice things, but they're quite +unsuitable for India. Just use them out, darling, for a month or two, +and then get what you need," an arrangement which seemed sensible +enough, if one could only be sure of money to supply that need when it +arose! + +The day before her marriage Mrs Gifford thrust an envelope into her +daughter's hand, blushing the while with an expression of real distress. + +"I'm so sorry, darling, that it's so little. I've tried to be careful, +but the money has flown. Going out to India one needs so many clothes, +and there were quite a number of bills. I'll send more by and by, and +remember always to say if you run short. I want you to have plenty for +all you need. With what you have, this will see you nicely through your +first term, and after that you'll be quite rich." + +Claire kissed her, and was careful not to look at the cheque until she +was alone. She had counted on at least a hundred to put in the bank as +a refuge against a rainy day. Surely at this parting of the ways mother +would wish her to have this security; but when she looked at her cheque, +it was to discover that it was made out for fifty pounds--only half that +sum. Claire felt sore at that moment, and for the first time a chill of +fear entered into her anticipations. Fifty pounds seemed a dreadfully +small sum to stand between herself and want. A hundred might be only +twice its value, but its three figures sounded so much more substantial. +She struggled hard to allow no signs of resentment to be seen, and felt +that virtue was rewarded, when late that evening Mr Judge presented her +with yet another envelope, saying awkwardly-- + +"That's--er--that's the bridesmaid's present. Thought you'd like to +choose for yourself. Something to do, you know, some fine half-holiday, +to go out and look in the shops. I've no views--don't get jewellery +unless you wish. Just--er--`blew it' your own way!" + +Claire kissed him, and remarked that he was a sweet old dear; and this +time the opening of the envelope brought a surprise of an agreeable +nature, for this cheque also was for fifty pounds, so that the desired +hundred was really in her possession. No jewellery for her! Into the +bank the money should go--every penny of it, and her bridesmaid present +should be represented by peace of mind, which, after the financial shock +of the last month, seemed more precious than many rubies. + +Mr and Mrs Judge were married at the Embassy, and afterwards at an +English church, the bride looking her most charming self in a costume of +diaphanous chiffon and lace and the most fascinating of French hats, and +the bridegroom his worst in his stiff conventional garments. They were +a very radiant couple, however, and the _dejeuner_ held after the +ceremony at the "Hotel Britannique" was a cheerful occasion, despite the +parting which lay ahead. + +The gathering was quite a large one, for Mr Judge had insisted upon +inviting all the friends who had been kind to his _fiancee_ and her +daughter during their three years' sojourn in the city, while the +_pensionnaires_ at "Villa Beau Sejour" came _en masse_, headed by Madame +herself, in a new black silk costume, her white transformation +elaborately waved and curled for the occasion. + +There were speeches, and there were toasts. There were kindly words of +farewell and cheerful anticipations of future meetings, there were good +wishes for the bride and bridegroom, and more good wishes for the +bridesmaid, and many protestations that it was "her turn next." + +Then the bride retired to change her dress. Claire went with her, and +tried valiantly not to cry as she fastened buttons and hooks, and +realised how long it might be before she next waited on her mother. +Mrs Judge was tearful, too, and the two knew a bitter moment as they +clung together for the real farewell before rejoining the guests. + +"I've been careless; I've made a mess of things. I've not been half as +thoughtful as I should have been," sobbed the bride, "but I _have_ loved +you, Claire, and this will make no difference! I shall love you just +the same." + +Claire flushed and nodded, but could not trust herself to speak. The +love of a mother in far-off India could never be the same as the love of +the dear companion of every day. But she was too generous to add to her +mother's distress by refusing to be comforted, and the bride nervously +powdered her eyes, and re-arranged her veil before descending to the +hall, anxious as ever to shelve a painful subject, and turn her face to +the sun. + +Five minutes later Mr and Mrs Judge drove away from the door, and the +girl who was left behind turned slowly to re-enter the hotel. It was +very big, and fine, and spacious, but at that moment it was a type of +desolation in Claire's eyes. With a sickening wave of loneliness she +realised that she was motherless and alone! + + + +CHAPTER FOUR. + +A FELLOW TRAVELLER INTRODUCES HERSELF. + +The next afternoon Claire started on her journey to London. She had +spent the night with friends, and been seen off at the station by quite +a crowd of well-wishers. Little souvenirs had been showered upon her +all the morning, and everyone had a kindly word, and a hopeful prophecy +of the future. There were invitations also, and promises to look her up +in her London home, and a perfect shower of violets thrown into the +carriage as the train steamed out of the station, and Claire laughed and +waved her hand, and looked so complacent and beaming that no one looking +on could have guessed the real nature of her journey. She was not +pretending to be cheerful, she _was_ cheerful, for, the dreaded parting +once over, her optimistic nature had asserted itself, and painted the +life ahead in its old rosy colours. Mother was happy and secured from +want; she herself was about to enjoy a longed-for taste for +independence; then why grumble? asked Claire sensibly of herself, and +anything less grumbling than her appearance at that moment it would be +hard to imagine. + +She was beautifully dressed, in the simplest but most becoming of +travelling costumes, she was agreeably conscious that the onlookers to +her send-off had been unanimously admiring in their regard, and, as she +stood arranging her bags on the rack overhead, she saw her own face in +the strip of mirror and whole-heartedly agreed in their verdict. + +"I'm glad I'm pretty! It's a comfort to be pretty. I should grow so +tired of being with myself if I were plain!" she reflected complacently +as she settled herself in her corner, and flicked a few grains of dust +from the front of her skirt. + +She had taken a through first-class ticket from sheer force of habit, +for Mrs Gifford had always travelled first, and the ways of economy +take some time to acquire. In the opposite corner of the carriage sat +an elderly woman, obviously English, obviously also of the _grande dame_ +species, with aquiline features, white hair dressed pompadour fashion, +and an expression compounded of indifference and quizzical good humour. +The good humour was in the ascendant as she watched the kindly Belgians +crowd round her fellow-passenger, envelop her in their arms, murmur +tearful farewells, and kiss her soundly on either cheek. The finely +marked eyebrows lifted themselves as if in commiseration for the victim, +and as the door closed on the last farewell she heaved an involuntary +sigh of relief. It was evident that the scene appealed to her entirely +from the one standpoint; she saw nothing touching about it, nothing +pathetic; she was simply amused, and carelessly scornful of +eccentricities in manner or appearance. + +On the seat beside this imposing personage sat a young woman in black, +bearing the hall mark of lady's maid written all over her in capital +letters. She sat stiffly in her seat, one gloved hand on her knee, the +other clasped tightly round the handle of a crocodile dressing-bag. + +Claire felt a passing interest in the pair; reflected that if it were +her lot in life to be a maid, she would choose to live on the Continent, +where an affectionate intimacy takes the place of this frigid +separation, and then, being young and self-engrossed, promptly forgot +all about them, and fell to building castles in the air, in which she +herself lived in every circumstance of affluence and plenty, beloved and +admired of all. There was naturally a prince in the story, a veritable +Prince Charming, who was all that the most exacting mind could desire, +but the image was vague. Claire's heart had not yet been touched. She +was still in ignorance as to what manner of man she desired. + +Engaged in these pleasant day-dreams Antwerp was reached before Claire +realised that half the distance was covered. On the quay the wind blew +chill; on the boat itself it blew chillier still. Claire became aware +that she was in for a stormy crossing, but was little perturbed by the +fact, since she knew herself to be an unusually good sailor. She tipped +the stewardess to fill a hot bottle, put on a cosy dressing-jacket, and +lay down in her berth, quite ready for sleep after the fatigue and +excitement of the past week. + +In five minutes the ship and all that was in it was lost in dreams, and, +so far as Claire was concerned, it might have been but another five +minutes before the stewardess aroused her to announce the arrival at +Parkeston Pier. The first glance around proved, however, that the other +passengers had found the time all too long. The signs of a bad crossing +were written large on the faces of her companions, and there was a trace +of resentment in the manner in which they surveyed her active movements. +An old lady in a bunk immediately opposite her own seemed especially +injured, and did not hesitate to put her feelings into words, "_You_ +have had a good enough night! I believe you slept right through... Are +you aware that the rest of us have been more ill than we've ever been in +our lives?" she asked in accusing tones. And Claire laughed her happy, +gurgling little laugh, and said-- + +"I'm _so_ sorry, but it's all over, isn't it? And people always say +that they feel better afterwards!" + +The old lady grunted. She certainly looked thoroughly ill and wretched +at the moment, her face drawn and yellow beneath her scanty locks, and +her whole appearance expressive of an extremity of fatigue. It seemed +to her that it was years since she had left the quay at Antwerp, and +here was this young thing as blooming as though she had spent the night +in her own bed! She hitched a shawl more closely over her shoulders, +and called aloud in a high imperious tone-- + +"Mason! Mason! You must really rouse yourself and attend to me. We +shall have to land in a few minutes. Get up at once and bring me my +things!" + +The covering of another bunk stirred feebly, and two feet encased in +black merino stockings descended slowly to the floor. A moment later a +ghastly figure was tottering across the floor, lifting from a box a +beautifully waved white wig, and dropping it carefully over the head of +the aggrieved old lady of the straggly locks. + +It was all that Claire could do to keep from exclaiming aloud, as it +burst upon her astonished senses that this poor, huddled creature was +none other than the _grande dame_ of the railway carriage, the haughtily +indifferent, cynically amused personage who had seemed so supremely +superior to the agitations of the common ruck! Strange what changes a +few hours' conflict with the forces of Nature could bring about! + +Ill as the mistress was, the maid was even worse, and it was pitiful to +see the poor creature's efforts to obey the exigent demands of her +employer. In the end faintness overcame her, and if Claire had not +rushed to the rescue, she would have fallen on the floor. + +"It's no use struggling against it! You must keep still until the boat +stops. You'll feel better at once when we land, and you get into the +air." Claire laid the poor soul in her bunk, and turned back to the old +lady who was momentarily growing younger and more formidable, as she +continued the stages of her toilette. + +"Can I help you?" she asked smilingly, and the offer was accepted with +gracious composure. + +"Please do. I should be grateful. Thank you. That hook fastens over +here, and the band crosses to this side. The brooch is in my bag--a +gold band with some diamonds--and the hat-pins, and a clean +handkerchief. Can you manage? ... The clasp slides back." + +Claire opened the bag and gazed with admiration at a brown _moire_ +antique lining, and fittings of tortoiseshell, bearing raised monograms +in gold. "I shall have one exactly to match, when I marry my duke!" was +the mental reflection, as she selected the articles mentioned and put +the final touches to the good lady's costume. + +Later on there was Mason to be dressed; later on still, Claire found +herself carrying the precious dressing-bag in one hand, and supporting +one invalid with the other, while Mason tottered in the wake, unable for +the moment to support any other burden than that of her own body. + +Mrs Fanshawe--Claire had discovered the name on a printed card let into +the lining of the bag--had no sympathy to spare for poor Mason. She +plainly considered it the height of bad manners for a maid to dare to be +sea-sick; but being unused to do anything for herself, gratefully +allowed Claire to lead the way, reply to the queries of custom-house +officials, secure a corner of a first-class compartment of the waiting +train, and bid an attendant bring a cup of tea before the ordinary +breakfast began. + +Mason refused any refreshment, but Mrs Fanshawe momentarily regained +her vigour, and was all that was gracious in her acknowledgment of +Claire's help. The quizzical eyes roved over the girl's face and +figure, and evidently approved what they saw, and Claire, smiling back, +was conscious of an answering attraction. Thoughtless and domineering +as was her behaviour to her inferior, there was yet something in the old +lady's personality which struck an answering chord in the girl's heart. +She was enough of a physiognomist to divine the presence of humour and +generosity, combined with a persistent cheerfulness of outlook. The +signs of physical age were unmistakable, but the spirit within was +young, young as her own! + +The mutual scrutiny ended in a mutual laugh, which was the last breaking +of the ice. + +"My dear," cried Mrs Fanshawe, "you must excuse my bad manners! You +are so refreshing to look at after all those horrors on the boat that I +can't help staring. And you've been so kind! Positively I don't know +how I should have survived without you. Will you tell me your name? I +should like to know to whom I am indebted for so much help." + +"My name is Claire Gifford." + +"Er--yes?" Plainly Mrs Fanshawe felt the information insufficient. +"Gifford! I knew some Giffords. Do you belong to the Worcestershire +branch?" + +Claire hitched her shoulders in the true French shrug. + +"_Sais pas_! I have no English relations nearer than second cousins, +and we have lived abroad so much that we are practically strangers. My +father died when I was a child. I went to school in Paris, and for the +last few years my mother and I have made our headquarters in Brussels. +She married again, only yesterday, and is going to live in Bombay." + +Mrs Fanshawe arched surprised brows. + +"And you are staying behind?" + +"Yes. They asked me to go. Mr Judge is very kind. He is my--er-- +stepfather!" Claire shrugged again at the strangeness of that word. +"He gave me the warmest of invitations, but I refused. I preferred to +be left." + +Mrs Fanshawe hitched herself into her corner, planted her feet more +firmly on the provisionary footstool, and folded her hands on her knee. +She had the air of a person settling down to the enjoyment of a +favourite amusement, and indeed her curiosity was a quality well-known +to all her acquaintances. + +"Why?" she asked boldly, and such was the force of her personality that +Claire never dreamt for a moment of refusing to reply. + +"Because I want to be independent." + +Mrs Fanshawe rolled her eyes to the hat-rail. + +"My dear, nonsense! You're far too pretty. Leave that to the poor +creatures who have no chance of finding other people to work for them. +You should change your mind, you know, you really should. India's quite +an agreeable place to put in a few years. The English girl is a trifle +overdone, but with your complexion you would be bound to have a success. +Think it over! Don't be in a hurry to let the chance slip!" + +"It _has_ slipped. They sail from Marseilles a week from to-day, and +besides I don't want to change. I like the prospect of independence +better even than being admired." + +"Though you like that, too?" + +"Of course. Who doesn't? I'm hoping--with good luck--to be admired in +England instead!" + +"Then you mustn't be independent!" Mrs Fanshawe said, laughing. "It +was the rage a year or two ago; girls had a craze for joining +Settlements, and running about in the slums, but it's quite out of date. +Hobble skirts killed it. It's impossible to be utilitarian in a hobble +skirt... And how do you propose to show your independence, may I ask?" + +"I am going to be French mistress in a High School," Claire said +sturdily, and hated herself because she winced before the eloquent +change of expression which passed over her companion's face. + +Mrs Fanshawe said, "Oh, really! How _very_ interesting!" and looked +about as uninterested the while as a human creature could be. In the +pause which followed it was obvious that she was readjusting the first +impression of a young gentlewoman belonging to her own leisured class, +and preparing herself to cross-question an entirely different person--an +ordinary teacher in a High School! There was a touch of patronage in +her manner, but it was still quite agreeable Mrs Fanshawe was always +agreeable for choice: she found it the best policy, and her indolent +nature shrank from disagreeables of every kind. This pretty girl had +made herself quite useful, and a chat with her would enliven a dull hour +in the train. Curiosity shifted its point, but remained actively in +force. + +"Tell me all about it!" she said suavely. "I know nothing about +teachers. Shocking, isn't it? They alarm me too much. I have a horror +of clever women. You don't look at all clever. I mean that as a +compliment--far too pretty and smart, but I suppose you are dreadfully +learned, all the same. What are you going to teach?" + +"French. I am almost as good as a Frenchwoman, for I've talked little +else for sixteen years. Mother and I spoke English together, or I +should have forgotten my own language. It seems, from a scholastic +point of view, that it's a useful blend to possess--perfect French and +an English temperament. `Mademoiselle' is not always a model of +patience!" + +"And you think you will be? I prophesy differently. You'll throw the +whole thing up in six months, and fly off to mamma in India. You +haven't the least idea what you are in for, but you'll find out, you'll +find out! Where is this precious school? In town, did you say? Shall +you live in the house or with friends?" + +"I have no friends in London except Miss Farnborough, the head mistress, +but there are fifteen other mistresses besides myself. That will be +fifteen friends ready-made. I am going to share lodgings with one of +them, and be a bachelor girl on my own account. I'm so excited about +it. After living in countries where a girl can't go to the pillar-box +alone, it will be thrilling to be free to do just as I like. Please +don't pity me! I'm going to have great fun." + +Mrs Fanshawe hitched herself still further into her corner and smiled a +lazy, quizzical smile. + +"Oh, I don't pity you--not one bit! All young people nowadays think +they are so much wiser than their parents; it's a wholesome lesson to +learn their mistake. You're a silly, blind, ridiculous little girl, and +if I'd been your mother, I should have insisted upon taking you with me, +whether you liked it or not. I always wanted a daughter like you--sons +are so dull; but perhaps it's just as well that she never appeared. She +might have wanted to be independent, too, in which case we should have +quarrelled.--So those fifteen school-mistresses make up your whole +social circle, do they? I wouldn't mind prophesying that you'll never +want to speak a word to them out of school hours! I have a friend +living in town, quite a nice woman, with a daughter about your age. +Shall I ask her to send you a card? It would be somewhere for you to go +on free afternoons, and she entertains a good deal, and has a craze for +the feminist movement, and for girls who work for themselves. You might +come in for some fun." + +Claire's flush of gratification made her look prettier than ever, and +Mrs Fanshawe felt an agreeable glow of self-satisfaction. Nothing she +liked better than to play the part of Lady Bountiful, especially when +any effort involved was shifted onto the shoulders of another, and in +her careless fashion she was really anxious to do this nice girl a good +turn. She made a note of Claire's address in a dainty gold-edged +pocket-book, expressed pleasure in the belief that through her friend +she would hear reports of the girl's progress, and presently shut her +eyes, and dozed peacefully for the rest of the ride. + +Round London a fine rain was falling, and the terminus looked bleak and +cheerless as the train slowed down the long platform. Mason, still +haggard, roused herself to step to the platform and look around as if +expecting to see a familiar face, and in the midst of collecting her own +impedimenta Claire was conscious that Mrs Fanshawe was distinctly +ruffled, when the familiar figure failed to appear. Once more she found +herself coming to the rescue, marshalling the combined baggage to the +screened portion of the platform where the custom-house officials went +through the formalities incidental to the occasion, while the tired +passengers stood shiveringly on guard, looking bleached and grey after +their night's journey. The bright-haired, bright-faced girl stood out +in pleasant contrast to the rest, trim and smart and dainty as though +such a thing as fatigue did not exist. Mrs Fanshawe, looking at her, +stopped short in the middle of a mental grumble, and turned it round, so +that it ended in being a thanksgiving instead. + +"Most neglectful of Erskine to fail me after promising he would come... +Perhaps, after all, it's just as well he did not." + +And at that moment, with the usual contrariety of fate, Erskine +appeared! He came striding along the platform, a big, loosely-built +man, with a clean-shaven face, glancing to right and left over the +upstanding collar of a tweed coat. He looked at once plain and +distinguished, and in the quizzical eyes and beetling eyebrows there was +an unmistakable likeness to the _grande dame_ standing by Claire's side. +Just for a moment he paused, as he came in sight of the group of +passengers, and Claire, meeting his glance, knew who he was, even before +he came forward and made his greeting. + +"Holla, Mater! Sorry to be late. Not my fault this time. I was ready +all right, but the car did not come round. Had a good crossing?" + +"My dear, appalling! Don't talk of it. I was prostrate all night, and +Mason too ill to do anything but moan. She's been no use." + +"Poor beggar! She looks pretty green. But-- er--" The plain face +lighted with an expectant smile as he turned towards the girl who stood +by his mother's side, still holding the precious bag. "You seem to have +met a friend..." + +"Oh--er--yes!" With a gesture of regal graciousness Mrs Fanshawe +turned towards the girl, and held out her gloved hand. "Thank you _so_ +much, Miss Gifford! You've been quite too kind. I'm really horribly in +your debt. I hope you will find everything as you like, and have a very +good time. Thank you again. _Good-bye_. I'm really dropping with +fatigue. What a relief it will be to get to bed!" She turned aside, +and laid her hand on her son's arm. "Erskine, where _is_ the car?" + +Mother and son turned away, and made their way down the platform, +leaving Claire with crimson cheeks and fast-beating heart. The little +scene which had just happened had been all too easy to understand. The +nice son had wished for an introduction to the nice girl who a moment +before had seemed on such intimate terms with his mother: the mother had +been quite determined that such an introduction should not take place. +Claire knew enough of the world to realise how different would have been +the proceedings if she had announced herself as a member of the "idle +rich," bound for a course of visits to well-known houses in the country. +"May I introduce my son, Miss Gifford? Miss Gifford has been an angel +of goodness to me, Erskine. Positively I don't know what I should have +done without her! Do look after her now, and see her into a taxi. Such +a mercy to have a man to help!" That was what would have happened to +the Claire Gifford of a week before, but now for the first time Claire +experienced a taste of the disagreeables attendant on her changed +circumstances, and it was bitter to her mouth. All very well to remind +herself that work was honourable, that anyone who looked down on her for +choosing to be independent was not worth a moment's thought, the fact +remained that for the first, the very first time in her life she had +been made to feel that there was a barrier between herself and a member +of her own class, and that, however willing Mrs Fanshawe might be to +introduce her to a casual friend, she was unwilling to make her known to +her own son! + +Claire stood stiff and poker-like at her post, determined to make no +movement until Mrs Fanshawe and her attendants had taken their +departure. The storm of indignation and wounded pride which was surging +through her veins distracted her mind from her surroundings; she was +dimly conscious that one after another, her fellow-passengers had taken +their departure, preceded by a porter trundling a truck of luggage; +conscious that where there had been a crowd, there was now a space, +until eventually with a shock of surprise she discovered that she was +standing alone, by her own little pile of boxes. At that she shook +herself impatiently, beckoned to a porter and was about to walk ahead, +when an uneasy suspicion made itself felt. The luggage! Something was +wrong. The pile looked smaller than it had done ten minutes before. +She made a rapid circuit, and made a horrible discovery. A box was +missing! The dress-box containing the skirts of all her best frocks, +spread at full length and carefully padded with tissue paper. It had +been there ten minutes ago; the custom-house officer had given it a +special rap. She distinctly remembered noticing a new scratch on the +leather. Where in the name of everything that was inexplicable could it +have disappeared? Appealed to for information the porter was not +illuminating. "If it had been there before, why wasn't it there now? +Was the lady _sure_ she had seen it? Might have been left behind at +Antwerp or Parkeston. Better telegraph and see! If it had been there +before, why wasn't it there now? Mistakes did happen. Boxes were much +alike. P'raps it was left in the van. If it was there ten minutes +before, why wasn't it--" + +Claire stopped him with an imperious hand. + +"That's enough! It _was_ there: I saw it. I counted the pieces before +the custom-house officer came along. I noticed it especially. Someone +must have taken it by mistake." + +The porter shook his head darkly. + +"On purpose, more like! Funny people crosses by this route. Funny +thing that you didn't notice--" + +Claire found nothing funny in the reflection. She was furious with +herself for her carelessness, and still more furious with Mrs Fanshawe +as the cause thereof. Down the platform she stalked, a picture of vivid +impetuous youth, head thrown back, cheeks aflame, grey eyes sending out +flashes of indignation. Every porter who came in her way was stopped +and imperiously questioned as to his late load, every porter was in his +turn waved impatiently away. Claire was growing seriously alarmed. +Suppose the box was lost! It would be as bad as losing _two_ boxes, for +of what use were bodices minus skirts to match? Never again would she +be guilty of the folly of packing bits of the same costumes in different +boxes. How awful--how awful beyond words to arrive in London without a +decent dress to wear! + +Whirling suddenly round to pursue yet another porter, Claire became +aware of a figure in a long tweed coat standing on the space beside the +taxi-stand, intently watching her movements. She recognised him in a +moment as none other than "Erskine" himself, who, having seen his mother +into her car, was presumably bound for another destination. But why was +he standing there? Why had he been so long in moving away? Claire +hastily averted her eyes, but as she cross-questioned porter number +four, she was aware that the tall figure was drawing nearer, and +presently he was standing by her side, taking off his hat, and saying in +the most courteous and deferential of tones-- + +"Excuse me--I'm afraid something is wrong! Can I be of any assistance?" + +Claire's glance was frigid in its coldness; but it was difficult to +remain frigid in face of the man's obvious sincerity and kindliness. + +"Thank you," she said quietly. "Please don't trouble. I can manage +quite well. It's only a trunk..." + +"Is it lost? I say--what a fag! Do let me help. I know this station +by heart! If it is to be found, I am sure I can get it for you." + +This time there was a distinct air of appeal in his deep voice. Claire +divined that the nice man was anxious to atone for his mother's cavalier +behaviour, and her heart softened towards him. After all, why should +she punish herself by refusing? Five minutes more or less on the +station platform could make no difference one way or another, for at the +end they would wish each other a polite adieu, and part never to meet +again. And she _did_ want that box! + +She smiled, and sighed, and looked delightfully pretty and appealing, as +she said frankly-- + +"Thank you, I _should_ be grateful for suggestions. It's the most +extraordinary and provoking thing--" + +They walked slowly down the platform while she explained the situation, +and reiterated the fact that she had seen the box ten minutes before. +Erskine Fanshawe did not dispute the statement as each porter had done +before him; he contented himself with asking if there was any +distinctive feature in the appearance of the box itself. + +Claire shook her head. + +"The ordinary brown leather, with strappings and C.G. on one side. Just +like a thousand other boxes, but it had a label, beside the initials. I +don't see how anyone can have taken it by mistake." She set her teeth, +and her head took a defiant tilt. "There's one comfort; if it _is_ +stolen, whoever has taken it will not get much for her pains! There's +nothing in it but skirts. Skirts won't be much good without the bodices +to match!" + +The man looked down at her, his expression comically compounded of +sympathy and humour. At that moment, despite the irregularity of his +features, he looked wonderfully like his handsome mother. + +"Er--just so! Unfortunately, however, from the opposite point of view, +you find yourself in the same position! Bodices, I presume, without +skirts--" + +Claire groaned, and held up a protesting hand. + +"Don't! I can't bear it. It's really devastating. My whole outfit--at +one fell sweep!" + +"Isn't it--excuse my suggesting it--rather a mistake to--er--divide +pieces of the same garment, _so_ that if one trunk should be lost, the +loss practically extends to two?" + +"No, it isn't. It's the only sensible thing to do," Claire said +obstinately. "Skirts must be packed at full length, and a dress-box is +made for that very purpose. All the same, I shall never do it again. +It's no use being sensible if you have to contend with--_thieves_!" + +"I don't think we need leap to that conclusion just yet. You have only +spoken to two or three porters. We'd better wait about a few minutes +longer until the other men come back. Very likely the box was put on a +truck by accident, and if the mistake was discovered before it was put +on the taxi, it would be sent back to see if its owner were waiting +here. If it doesn't turn up at once, you mustn't be discouraged. The +odds are ten to one that it's only a mistake, and in that case when the +taxi is unloaded, the box will be sent back to the lost luggage office, +or forwarded to your address. Was the full address on the box, by the +way?" + +Claire nodded assent. + +"Oh, yes; I have that poor satisfaction at least. I was most methodical +and prudent, but I don't know that that's going to be much consolation +if I lose my nice frocks, and am too poor to buy any more." + +The last phrase was prompted by a proud determination to sail under no +false colours in the eyes of Mrs Fanshawe's son; but the picture evoked +thereby was sufficiently tragic to bring a cloud over her face. The +memory of each separate gown rose before her, looking distractingly +dainty and becoming; she saw a vision of herself as she might have been, +and faced a future bounded by eternal blue serge. All the tragedy of +the thought was in her air, and her companion cried quickly-- + +"You won't need to buy them! They'll turn up all right, I am quite sure +of that. The worst that can happen is a day or two's delay. After all, +you know, there are thousands of honest folk to a single thief, and even +a thief would probably prefer a small money reward to useless halves of +dresses! If you hear nothing by to-morrow, you might offer a reward." + +"Oh, I will!" Claire said gratefully. "Thank you for thinking of it." + +No more porters having for the moment appeared in sight, they now +turned, and slowly retraced their steps. Claire, covertly regarding her +companion, wondered why she felt convinced that he was a soldier; +Erskine Fanshawe in his turn covertly regarded Claire, and wondered why +it was that she seemed different from any girl he had seen before. Then +tentatively he put a personal question. + +"Do you know London well, Miss Gifford? My mother told me you were-- +er--coming to settle--" + +"Not at all well, as a whole. I know the little bit around Regent +Street, and the Park, and the places one sees in a week's visit, but +that's all. We never stayed long in town when we came to England. I +shall enjoy exploring on half holidays when I am free from work. I am a +school-mistress!" said Claire with an air, and gathered from her +companion's face that he knew as much already, and considered it a +subject for commiseration. He looked at her with sympathetic eyes, and +asked deeply-- + +"Hate it very much?" + +"Not at all. Quite the contrary. I adore it. At least, that's to say, +I haven't begun yet, but I feel sure I _shall_!" Claire cried ardently; +and at that they both laughed with a delightful sense of understanding +and _camaraderie_. At that moment Claire felt a distinct pang at the +thought that never again would she have the opportunity of speaking and +laughing with this attractive, eminently companionable man; then her +attention was distracted by the appearance of two more porters, who had +each to be interviewed in his turn. + +They had no good news to give, however, so the searchers left the +platform in disgust, and repaired to the office for lost luggage, where +the story of the missing box was recounted to an unsympathetic clerk. +When a man spends his whole life listening to complaints of missing +property, he can hardly be expected to show a vehement distress at the +loss of yet another passenger, but to Claire at this moment there was +something quite brutal in his callous indifference. The one suggestion +which he had to make was that she could leave her name, and the manner +in which it was given was a death-blow to hope. + +At this very moment, however, just as Claire was bending forward to +dictate the desired information she felt a touch on her arm, and looking +in the direction of Mr Fanshawe's outstretched hand, beheld a porter +approaching the office, trundling before him a truck on which reposed in +solitary splendour, a long brown dress-box, and oh, joy of joys! even at +the present distance the white letters C.G. could be plainly +distinguished on the nearer side! Claire's dignity went to the winds at +that sight, and she dashed forward to meet her property with the joyous +impetuosity of a child. + +The explanation was simple to a degree, and precisely agreed with Mr +Fanshawe's surmise as to what had really happened. During Claire's +trance of forgetfulness, the box had been wheeled away, with a large +consignment of luggage, and the mistake discovered only when the various +items were in process of being packed into a company's omnibus, when, +there being no one at hand to claim it, it had been conveyed--by very +leisurely stages--to the lost luggage office. + +All's well that ends well! Claire gleefully collected her possessions, +feeling a glow of delight in the safety which an hour before she would +have taken as a matter of course, and stood at attention while each +separate item was placed on the roof of the taxi. The little addresses +of which she had boasted were duly inserted in leather framings on each +box, the delicate writing too small to be deciphered, except near at +hand. Claire saw her companion's eyes contract in an evident effort to +distinguish the words, and immediately moved her position so as to +frustrate his purpose. She did not intend Mr Fanshawe to know her +address! When she was seated in the taxi, however, there came an +awkward moment, for her companion waved the chauffeur to his seat, and +stood by the window looking in at her, with a face which seemed unduly +serious and earnest, considering the extremely slight nature of their +acquaintance. + +"Well! I am thankful the box turned up. I shall think of you enjoying +your re-united frocks... Sure you've got everything all right? Where +shall I tell the man to drive?" + +For the fraction of a second Claire's eyes flickered, then she spoke in +decided tones. + +"`The Grand Hotel.'" + +Mr Fanshawe's eyes flickered too, and turned involuntarily towards the +boxes on the roof. What exactly were the words on the labels he could +not see, but at least it was certain that they were not "The Grand +Hotel!" He turned from the inspection to confront a flushed, obstinate +face. + +"Do you wish me to give the man that address?" + +"I do." + +Very deliberately and quietly Mr Fanshawe stepped back a pace, opened +his long coat, and fumbled in an inner pocket for a leather pocket-book; +very quietly and deliberately he drew from one bulging division a +visiting card, and held it towards her. Claire caught the word +"Captain" and saw that an address was printed in the corner, but she +covered it hastily with her hand, refusing a second glance. Captain +Fanshawe leant his arm on the window sash and said hesitatingly-- + +"Will you allow me to give you my card! As you are a stranger in town +and your people away, there may possibly be--er--occasions, when it +would be convenient to know some man whom you could make of use. Please +remember me if they do come along! It would be a privilege to repay +your kindness to my mother... Send me a wire at any time, and I am at +your service. I hope you _will_ send. Good morning!" + +"Good-bye!" said Claire. Red as a rose was she at that moment, but very +dignified and stately, bending towards him in a sweeping bow, as the +taxi rolled away. The last glimpse of Captain Fanshawe showed him +standing with uplifted hat, the keen eyes staring after her, with not a +glint of humour in their grey depths. Quite evidently he meant what he +said. Quite evidently he was as keen to pursue her acquaintance as his +mother had been to drop it. + +Claire Gifford sat bolt upright on her seat, the slip of cardboard +clasped within her palms, and as she sat she thought many thoughts. A +physiognomist would have been interested to trace the progress of those +thoughts on the eloquent young face. There was surprise written there, +and obvious gratification, and a demure, very feminine content; later on +came pride, and a general stiffening of determination. The spoiled +child of liberty and the High School-Mistress of the future had fought a +heated battle, and the High School-Mistress had won. + +Deliberately turning aside her eyes, so that no word of that printed +address should obtrude itself on her notice, Claire tore the card +sharply across and across, and threw the fragments out of the window. + +A moment later she whistled through the tube, and instructed the +chauffeur as to her change of address. + +Adieu to the Fanshawes, and all such luxuries of the past. Heigh-ho for +hard work, and lodgings at fifteen shillings a week! + + + +CHAPTER FIVE. + +MISS RHODES, POISONER. + +It is a somewhat dreary feeling to arrive even at a friend's house +before seven o'clock in the morning, and be received by sleepy-looking +people who have obviously been torn unwillingly from their beds in +deference to the precepts of hospitality, but it is infinitely worse to +arrive at a lodging-house at the same hour, ring several times at the +bell before a dingy servant can be induced to appear, and to realise a +moment later that in a tireless parlour you perceive your journey's +goal! + +Claire Gifford felt a creep of the blood at the sight of that parlour, +though if her first introduction had been at night, when the curtains +were drawn and the lamps lit, she would have found it cosy enough. +There was no sign of her room-mate; perhaps it was too much to expect +her to get up at so early an hour to welcome a stranger, but Claire +_had_ expected it, felt perfectly sure that--had positions been +reversed--she herself would have taken pains to deck both herself and +her room in honour of the occasion, and so felt correspondingly +downcast. + +Presently she found herself following the dingy maid up three separate +nights of stairs, and arriving at a tiny box of a bedroom on the top +floor. There was a bed, a washstand, a chest of drawers doing service +as a dressing-table, two chairs and a sloping roof. Claire would have +been quite disappointed if that last item had been missing, for whoever +heard of a girl who set out to make her own living who had not slept in +a room with a sloping roof? On the whole, despite its tiny proportions, +the little room made a pleasant impression. It was clean, it was +bright, walls and furniture were alike of a plain unrelieved white, and +through the open casement window could be seen a distant slope of green +overtopping the intervening chimney tops. Claire's eyes roved here and +there with the instinct of a born home-maker, saw what was lacking here, +what was superfluous there, grasped neglected possibilities, and +mentally re-arranged and decorated the premises before a slower person +would have crossed the floor. + +Then she took up her stand before the small mirror, and devoted a whole +minute to studying her own reflection from the point of view of Captain +Erskine Fanshawe of unknown address. By her own deliberate choice she +had cut herself off from future chance of meeting this acquaintance of +an hour; nevertheless it was distinctly reviving to discern that her hat +was set at precisely the right angle, and that for an all-night voyager +her whole appearance was remarkably fresh and dainty. + +Claire first smiled, and then sighed, and pulled out the hat-pins with +impatient tugs. To be prudent and self-denying is not always an +exhilarating process for sweet and twenty. + +Presently the maid came staggering upstairs with the smaller boxes, and +Claire busied herself in her room until the clock had struck eight, when +she again descended to the joint sitting-room. This time the fire was +lighted, and the table laid for breakfast, and behind the tea-tray sat +Miss Rhodes, the English mistress, already halfway through her meal. +She rose, half smiling, half frowning, and held out a thin hand in +welcome. + +"Morning. Hope you've had a good crossing. Didn't know when you'd be +down. Do you take coffee?" + +"Please!" Claire felt that a cup of coffee would be just what she +needed, but missed the familiar fragrant scent. She seated herself at +the table, and while Miss Rhodes went on with her preparation, studied +her with curious eyes. + +She saw a woman of thirty-two or three, with well-cut features, dark +eyes, and abundant dark hair--a woman who ought to have been distinctly +good-looking but who succeeded in being plain and commonplace. She was +badly-dressed, in a utility blouse of grey flannel, her expression was +tired and listless, and her hair, though neat, showed obvious lack of +care, having none of the silky sheen which rewards regular systematic +brushing. So far bad, but, in spite of all drawbacks, it was an +interesting face, and Claire felt attracted, despite the preliminary +disappointment. + +"There's some bacon in that dish. It will be cold, I'm afraid. You can +ring, if you like, and ask them to warm it up, but they'll keep you +waiting a quarter of an hour out of spite. I've given it up myself." + +"Oh, I'm accustomed to French breakfasts. I really want nothing but +some bread and coffee." Claire sipped at her cup as she finished +speaking, and the sudden grimace of astonishment which followed roused +her companion to laughter. + +"You don't like it? It isn't equal to your French coffee." + +"It isn't coffee at all. It's undrinkable!" Claire pushed away her cup +in disgust. "Is it always as bad as that?" + +"Worse!" said Miss Rhodes composedly. "They put in more this morning +because of you. Sometimes it's barely coloured, and it's always +chicory." She shrugged resignedly. "No English landlady can make +coffee. It's no use worrying. Have to make the best of what comes." + +"Indeed I shan't. Why should I? I shan't try. There's no virtue in +drinking such stuff. We provide the coffee--what's to hinder us making +it for ourselves?" + +"No fire, as a rule. Can't afford one when you are going out +immediately after breakfast." + +Claire stared in dismay. It had never occurred to her that she might +have to be economical to this extent. + +"But when it's very cold? What do you do then?" + +"Put on a jersey, and nurse the hot-water jug!" + +Claire grimaced, then nodded with an air of determination. + +"I'll buy a machine! There can be no objection to that. You would +prefer good coffee, wouldn't you, if you could get it without any more +trouble?" + +"Oh, certainly. I'll enjoy it--while it lasts!" + +"Why shouldn't it last?" + +Miss Rhodes stared across at the eager young face. She looked tired, +and a trifle impatient. + +"Oh, my dear girl, you're _New_. We are all the same at first--bubbling +over with energy, and determined to arrange everything exactly as we +like. It's a phase which we all live through. Afterwards you don't +care. You are too tired to worry. All your energy goes on your day's +work, and you are too thankful for peace and quietness to bother about +details. You take what comes, and are thankful it's not worse." + +Claire's smile showed an elaborate forbearance. + +"Rather a poor-spirited attitude, don't you think?" + +"Wait and see!" said the English mistress. + +She rose and threw herself in a chair by the window, and Claire left the +despised coffee and followed her example. Through the half-opened panes +she looked out on a row of brick houses depressingly dingy, depressingly +alike. About every second house showed a small black card on which the +word "Apartments" was printed in gilt letters. Down the middle of the +street came a fruiterer's cart, piled high with wicker baskets. The cry +of "Bananas, cheap bananas," floated raucously on the air. Claire +swiftly averted her eyes and turned back to her companion. + +"It is very good of you to let me share your _appartement_. Miss +Farnborough said she had arranged it with you, but it must be horrid +taking in a stranger. I will try not to be too great a bore!" + +But Miss Rhodes refused to be thanked. + +"I'm bound to have somebody," said she ungraciously. "Couldn't afford +them alone. You know the terms? Thirty-five shillings a week for the +three rooms. That's cheap in this neighbourhood. We only get them at +that price because we are out all day, and need so little catering." +She looked round the room with her tired, mocking smile. "Hope you +admire the scheme of decoration! I've been in dozens of lodgings, but I +don't think I've ever struck an uglier room; but the people are clean +and honest, and one has to put that before beauty, in our +circumstances." + +"There's a great _deal_ of pattern about. It hasn't what one could call +a restful effect!" said Claire, looking across at an ochre wall +bespattered with golden scrawls, a red satin mantel-border painted with +lustre roses, a suite of furniture covered in green stamped plush, a +collection of inartistic pictures, and unornamental ornaments. Even her +spirit quailed before the hopelessness of beautifying a room in which +all the essentials were so hopelessly wrong. She gave it up in despair, +and returned to the question of finance. + +"Then my share will be seventeen and six! That seems very cheap. I am +to begin at a hundred and ten pounds. How much extra must I allow for +food?" + +"That depends upon your requirements. We have dinner at school; quite a +good meal for ninepence, including a penny for coffee afterwards." + +"The same sort of coffee we have had this morning?" + +"Practically. A trifle better perhaps. Not much." + +"Hurrah!" cried Claire gaily. "That's a penny to the good! Eightpence +for me--a clear saving of fivepence a week!" + +Miss Rhodes resolutely refused to smile. She had the air of thinking it +ribald to be cheerful on the serious question of pounds, shillings and +pence. + +"Even so, it's three-and-four, and you can't do breakfast and supper and +full board on Saturday and Sunday under seven shillings. It's tight +enough to manage on that. Altogether it often mounts up to twelve." + +"Seventeen and twelve." Claire pondered deeply before she arrived at a +solution. "Twenty-nine. Call it thirty, to make it even, and I am to +begin at a hundred and ten. Over two pounds a week. I ought to do it +comfortably, and have quite a lot over." + +Miss Rhodes laughed darkly. + +"What about extras?" she demanded. "What about laundry, and fires, and +stationery and stamps? What about boot-mending, and Tubes on wet days, +and soap and candles, and dentist and medicines, and subs, at school, +and collections in church, and travelling expenses on Saturdays and +Sundays, when you invariably want to go to the very other side of the +city? London is not like a provincial town. You can't stir out of the +house under fourpence or sixpence at the very least. What about +illness, and amusement, and holidays? What about--" + +Claire thrust her fingers in her ears with an air of desperation. + +"Stop! Stop! For pity's sake don't swamp me any more. I feel in the +bankruptcy court already, and I had imagined that I was rich! A hundred +and ten pounds seemed quite a big salary. Everybody was surprised at my +getting so much, and I suppose you have even more?" + +"A hundred and fifty. Yes! You must remember that we don't belong to +the ordinary rut of worker--we are experts. Our education has been a +long costly business. No untrained worker could take our place; we are +entitled to expert's pay. Oh, yes, they are quite good salaries if you +happen to have a home behind you, and people who are ready to help over +rough times, instead of needing to be helped themselves. The pity of it +is that most High School-mistresses come from families who are _not_ +rich. The parents have made a big effort to pay for the girls' +education, and when they are fairly launched, they expect to be helped +in return. Some girls have been educated by relations, or have +practically paid for themselves by scholarships. Three out of four of +us have people who are more in need of help than able to give it. I +give my own mother thirty pounds a year, so we are practically on the +same salary. Have _you_ a home where you can spend your holiday? +Holidays run away terribly with your money. They come to nearly four +months in the year." + +For the first time those prolonged holidays appeared to Claire as a +privilege which had its reverse side. Friends in Brussels might +possibly house her for two or three weeks; she could not expect, she +would not wish them to do more; and at the end there would still remain +over three months! It was a new and disagreeable experience to look +forward to holidays with _dread_! For a whole two minutes she looked +thoroughly depressed, then her invincible optimism came to the top, and +she cried triumphantly-- + +"I'll take a holiday engagement!" + +The English mistress shook her head. + +"That's fatal! I tried it myself one summer. Went with a family to the +seaside, and was expected to play games with the children all day long, +and coach them in the evening. I began the term tired out, and nearly +collapsed before the end. Teaching is nerve-racking work, and if you +don't get a good spell off, it's as bad for the pupils as yourself. You +snap their heads off for the smallest trifle. Besides, it's folly to +wear oneself out any sooner than one need. It's bad enough to think of +the time when one has to retire. That's the nightmare which haunts us +more and more every year." + +"Don't you think when the time comes you will be _glad_ to rest?" asked +innocent Claire, whereupon Miss Rhodes glared at her with indignant +eyes. + +"We should be glad to rest, no doubt, but we don't exactly appreciate +the prospect of resting in the workhouse, and it's difficult to see +where else some of us are to go! There is no pension for High School- +mistresses, and we are bound to retire at fifty-five--if we can manage +to stick it out so long. Fifty-five seems a long way off to you--not +quite so long to me; when you reach forty it becomes to feel quite near. +Women are horribly long-lived, so the probability is that we'll live on +to eighty or more. Twenty-five years after leaving off work, +and--_where is the money to come from to keep us_? That's the question +which haunts us all when we look into our bank-books and find that, with +all our pains, we have only been able to save at the utmost two or three +hundred pounds." + +Claire looked scared, but she recovered her composure with a swiftness +which her companion had no difficulty in understanding. She pounced +upon her with lightning swiftness. + +"Ah, you think you'll get married, and escape that way! We all do when +we're new, and pretty, and ignorant of the life. But it's fifty to one, +my dear, that you _won't_? You won't meet many men, for one thing; and +if you do, they don't like school-mistresses." + +"Doesn't that depend a good deal on the kind of school-mistress?" + +"Absolutely; but after a few years we are all more or less alike. We +don't _begin_ by being dowdy and angular, and dogmatic and prudish; we +begin by being pretty and cheerful like you. I used to change my blouse +every evening, and put on silk stockings." + +"Don't you now?" + +"I do _not_! Why should I, to sit over a lodging-house table correcting +exercises till ten o'clock? It's not worth the trouble. Besides, I'm +too tired, and it wears out another blouse." + +Claire's attention was diverted from clothes by the shock of the +reference to evening work. She had looked forward to coming home to +read an interesting book, or be lazy in whatever fashion appealed to her +most, and the corrections of exercises seemed of all things the most +dull. + +"Shall I have evening work, too?" she inquired blankly, and Miss Rhodes +laughed with brutal enjoyment. + +"Rather! French compositions on the attributes of a true woman, or, +`How did you spend your summer holiday?' with all the tenses wrong, and +the idioms translated word for word. And every essay a practical +repetition of the one before. It's not once in a blue moon that one +comes across a girl with any originality of thought. Oh, yes! that's +the way we shall spend five evenings a week. You will sit at that side +of the table, I will sit at this, and we'll correct and yawn, and yawn +and correct, and drink a cup of cocoa and go to bed at ten. Lively, +isn't it?" + +"Awful! I never thought of homework. But if Saturday is a whole +holiday there will still be one night off. I shall make a point of +doing something exciting every Saturday evening." + +"Exciting things cost money, and, as a rule, when you have paid up the +various extras, there's no money to spare. I stay in bed till ten +o'clock on Saturday, and then get up and wash blouses, and do my +mending, and have a nap after lunch, and if it's summer, go and sit on a +penny chair in the park, or take a walk over Hampstead Heath. In the +evening I read a novel and have a hot bath. Once in a blue moon I have +an extravagant bout, and lunch in a restaurant, and go to an +entertainment--but I'm sorry afterwards when I count the cost. On +Sunday I go to church, and wish some one would ask me to tea. They +don't, you know. They may do once or twice, when you first come up, but +you can never ask them back, and your clothes get shabby, and you know +nothing about their interests, so they think you a bore, and quietly let +you drop." + +A smothered exclamation burst from Claire's lips; with a sudden, +swirling movement she leapt up, and fell on her knees before Miss +Rhodes's chair, her hands clasping its arms, her flushed face upturned +with a desperate eagerness. + +"Miss Rhodes! we are going to live together here, we are going to share +the same room, and the same meals. Would you--if any one offered you a +million pounds, would you agree to poison me slowly, day by day, +dropping little drops of poison into everything I ate and everything I +drank, while you sat by and watched me grow weaker and weaker till I +_died_?" + +"Good heavens, girl--are you mad! What in the world are you raving +about?" + +Miss Rhodes had grown quite red. She was indignant; she was also more +than a little scared. The girl's sudden change of mood was startling in +itself, and she looked so tense, so overwhelmingly in earnest. What +could she mean? Was it possible that she was a little--_touched_? + +"I suppose you don't realise it, but it's insulting even to put such a +question." + +"But you _are_ doing it! It's just exactly what you are beginning +already. Ever since I arrived you've been poisoning me drop by drop. +Poisoning my _mind_! I am at the beginning of my work, and you've been +discouraging me, frightening me, painting it all black. Every word that +you've said has been a drop of poison to kill hope and courage and +confidence--and oh, don't do it! don't go on! I may be young and +foolish, and full of ridiculous ideas, but let me keep them as long as I +can! If all that you say is true, they will be knocked out of me soon +enough, and I--I've never had to work before, or been alone, and--and +it's only two days since my mother left me to go to India--all that long +way--and left me behind! It's hard enough to go on being alone, and +believing it's all going to be _couleur de rose_, but it will be fifty +times harder if I don't. Please--please don't make it any worse!" + +With the last words tears came with a rush, the tears that had been +resolutely restrained throughout the strain of the last week. Claire +dropped her head on the nearest resting-place she could find, which +happened to be Miss Rhodes's blue serge lap, and felt the quick pressure +of a hand over the glossy coils. + +"Poor little girl!" said the English mistress softly. "Poor little +girl! I'm sorry! I'm a beast! Take no notice of me. I'm a sour, +disagreeable old thing. It was more than half jealousy, dear, because +you looked so pretty and spry, so like what I used to look myself. The +life's all right, if you keep well, and don't worry too much ahead. +There, don't cry! I loathe tears! You will yourself, when you have to +deal with silly, hysterical girls. Come, I'll promise I won't poison +you any more--at least, I'll do my best; but I've a grumbling nature, +and you'd better realise it, once for all, and take no notice. We'll +get on all right. I like you. I'm glad you came. My good girl, if you +don't stop, I'll shake you till you do!" + +Claire sat back on her heels, mopped her eyes, and gave a strangled +laugh. + +"I hate crying myself, but I'll begin again on the faintest provocation. +It's always like that with me. I hardly ever cry, but when I once +begin--" + +Miss Rhodes rose with an air of determination. + +"We'd better go out. I am free till lunch-time. I'll take you round +and show you the neighbourhood, and the usual places of call. It will +save time another day. Anything you want to buy?" + +Claire mopped away another tear. + +"C-certainly," she said feebly. "A c-offee machine." + + + +CHAPTER SIX. + +THE INVITATION. + +The next morning Claire was introduced to the scene of her new labours, +and was agreeably impressed with its outside appearance. Saint +Cuthbert's High School was situated in a handsome thoroughfare, and had +originally been a large private house, to which long wings had been +added to right and left. On each side and across the road were handsome +private houses standing in their own grounds, owned by tenants who +regarded the High School with lively detestation, and would have borne +up with equanimity had an earthquake swallowed it root and branch. + +Viewed from inside, the building was less attractive, passages and +class-rooms alike having the air of bleak austerity which seems +inseparable from such buildings; but when nine o'clock struck, and the +flood of young life went trooping up the stairways and flowed into the +separate rooms, the sense of bareness was replaced by one of tingling +vitality. + +As is usual on an opening day, every girl was at her best and brightest, +decked in a new blouse, with pigtails fastened by crisp new ribbons, and +good resolutions wound up to fever point. To find a new French mistress +in the shape of a pretty well-dressed girl, who was English at one +moment, and at the next even Frenchier than Mademoiselle, was an +unexpected joy, and Claire found the battery of admiring young eyes an +embarrassing if stimulating experience. + +Following Miss Farnborough's advice, she spent the first day's lessons +in questioning the different classes as to their past work, and so +turned the hour into an impromptu conversation class. The ugly English +accents made her wince, and she winced a second time as she realised the +unpleasant fact that just as her pupils would have to prepare for her, +so would she be obliged to prepare for them! Forgotten rules of grammar +must be looked up and memorised, for French was so much her mother +tongue that she would find it difficult to explain distinctions which +came as a matter of course. That meant more work at night, more +infringement of holiday hours. + +The girls themselves were for the most part agreeable and well-mannered. +The majority were the daughters of professional men, and of gentle- +folks of limited means; but there was also a sprinkling of the daughters +of better-class artisans, who paid High School fees at a cost of much +self-denial in order to train their girls for teachers' posts in the +future. Here and there an awkward, badly-dressed child was plainly of a +still lower class. These were the free "places"--clever children who +had obtained scholarships from primary schools, and were undergoing the +ordeal of being snubbed by their new school-mates as a consequence of +their success. + +From the teacher's point of view these clever children were a welcome +stimulus, but class feeling is still too strong in England to make them +acceptable to their companions. + +At lunch-time the fifteen mistresses assembled in the Staff-Room, a dull +apartment far too small for the purpose, a common fault in High Schools, +where the different governing bodies are apt to spare no expense in +providing for the comfort of the scholar, but grudge the slightest +expenditure for the benefit of those who teach. + +Fifteen mistresses sat round the table eating roast lamb and boiled +cabbage, followed by rhubarb pie and rice pudding, and Claire, looking +from one to the other, acknowledged the truth of Miss Rhodes's assertion +that they were all of a type. She herself was the only one of the +number who had any pretensions to roundness of outline, all the rest +were thin to angularity, half the number wore pince-nez or spectacles, +and all had the same strained pucker round the eyes. Each one wore a +blue serge skirt and a white blouse, and carried herself with an air of +dogmatic assurance, as who should say: "I know better than any one else, +and when I speak let no dog bark!" The German mistress was the veteran +of the party and was probably a good forty-five. Miss Bryce, the +Froebel mistress, paired with Claire herself for the place of junior. +Miss Blake, the Gym. mistress, was a graceful girl with an air of +delicacy which did not seem in accord with her profession. Miss Rose, +the Art mistress, was plain with a squat, awkward figure. + +Rising from the table, Claire caught a glimpse of her own reflection in +the strip of mirror over the chimney-piece, and at the sight a little +thrill, half-painful, half-pleasant, passed through her veins. The soft +bloom of her complexion, the dainty finish of her dress, differentiated +her almost painfully from her companions, and she felt a pang of dread +lest that difference should ever grow less. While she affected to read +one of the magazines which lay on a side table, she was really occupied +making a number of vehement resolutions: Never to slack in her care of +her personal appearance; never to give up brushing her hair at night; +never to wear a flannel blouse; never to give up manicuring her hands; +never, no, never to allow herself to grow short-sighted, and be obliged +to submit to specs! + +The different mistresses seemed to be on friendly terms, but there was +an absence of the camaraderie which comes from living under the same +roof. School was a common possession, but home hours were spent apart, +except when, as in Claire's own case, two mistresses shared the same +rooms, and it followed as a matter of course that personal interests +were divided. To-day the conversation was less scholastic than usual, +the intervening holidays forming a topic of interest. The Art mistress +had been on a bicycle sketching tour with a friend; the German mistress +had taken a cheap trip home; Miss Blake announced that all her money had +gone on "hateful massage," and the faces of her listeners sobered as +they listened, for Sophy Blake, who led the exercises with such verve +and go, had of late complained of rheumatic pains, and her companions +heard of her symptoms with dread. What would become of Sophy if those +pains increased? One after another the mistresses drifted over to where +Claire sat turning the pages of her magazine, and exchanged a few +fragments of conversation, and then the great bell clanged again, and +afternoon school began. + +The first half-hour of afternoon school proved the most trying of the +day. Claire was tired after the exertions of the morning, and a very +passion for sleep consumed her being. She fought against it with all +her might, but the yawns would come; she fought against the yawns, and +the tears flowed. To her horror the infection spread, and the girls +began to yawn in their turn, with long, uncontrolled gapes. It was a +junior class, and the new mistress shrewdly suspected that the infection +was welcomed as an agreeable interlude. It was obvious that she could +not afford to reject that cup of coffee. Good or bad it must be drunk! +Rich or poor that penny must be dedicated to the task of vitalising that +first hour of sleepiness. + +At the end of six weeks Claire felt as though she had been a High +School-mistress all her life. The regular methodical days, in which +every hour was mapped out, had a deadening effect on one who had been +used to constant variety, and except for a difference in the arrangement +of classes there seemed no distinction between one and the other. She +was a machine wound up to work steadily from Monday morning until Friday +night, and absurdly ready to run down when the time was over. + +Every morning after breakfast she started forth with Miss Rhodes, by +foot if the weather were fine, by Tube if wet; every mid-day she dined +in the Staff-Room with the fifteen other mistresses, and gulped down a +cup of chicory coffee. At four o'clock the mistresses met once more for +tea, a free meal this time, supplemented by an occasional cake which one +of the fifteen provided for the general good. At five she and her table +companion returned to their rooms, and rested an hour before taking the +evening meal. + +Claire was sufficiently French to be intolerant of badly cooked food, +and instead of resigning herself to eat and grumble, after the usual +habit of lodging-house dwellers, resolutely set to work to improve the +situation. The coffee machine had now a chafing-dish as companion, and +it was a delightful change of work to set the two machines to work to +provide a dainty meal. + +"High Tea" consisted as a rule of coffee and some light dish, the +materials for which were purchased on the way home. On hungry days, +when work had been unusually trying, the butcher supplied cutlets, which +were grilled with tomatoes, or an occasional quarter of a pound of +mushrooms: on economical days the humble kipper--legendary food of all +spinsters in lodgings!--was transformed into quite a smart and +restaurant-ey dish, separated from its bones, pounded with butter and +flavouring, and served in neat little mounds on the top of hot buttered +toast. Moreover, Claire was a proficient in the making of omelettes, +and it was astonishing how large and tempting a dish could be compounded +of two eggs, and the minutest scrap of ham left over from the morning's +breakfast! + +"Every luxury of the season, with the smell thrown in! In _nice_ +cooking the smell is almost the best part. All the cedars in Lebanon +wouldn't smell as good at this moment as this nice ham-ey coffee-y +frizzle," Claire declared one Friday evening as she served the meal on +red-hot plates, and glowed with delight at her own sleight of hand. +"Don't you admire eggs for looking so small, when they possess such +powers of expansion? All the result of beating. Might make a simile +out of that, mightn't you?" + +"Might, but won't," the English teacher replied, sipping luxuriously at +her coffee. "I'm not a teacher any more at this moment. I'm a +gourmand, pure and simple, and I'll stay a gourmand straight on till +this omelette is finished. When all trades fail, you might go out as a +missioner to women living in diggings, and teach them how to prepare +their meals, and sell chafing-dishes by instalment payments at the door, +as the touts sell sewing machines to the maids. It would be a noble +vocation!" + +Claire smirked complacently. "I flatter myself I _have_ made a +difference to your material comfort! Poor we may be, but we do have +nice, dainty little meals, and there's no reason why every able-bodied +woman shouldn't have them at the same cost. I've just remembered +another nice dish. We'll have it to-morrow night." She paused, and a +wistful look came into her eyes, for the next day was Saturday, and it +was on holiday afternoons that the feeling of loneliness grew most +acute. School life was monotonous, but it was never lonely; from +morning to night one lived in a crowd, and already each class had +furnished youthful adorers eager to sit at the feet of the pretty new +mistress, and bring her offerings of chocolates and flowers; for five +long days there was always a crowd, always a hum and babble of voices, +but at the end of the week came a dead calm. + +On the first Saturday of the term Miss Farnborough had invited the new +French mistress to tea, and had been all that was friendly and +encouraging; but since that time no word had passed between them that +was not strictly concerned with the work in hand, and Claire realised +that as one out of sixteen mistresses she could not hope for frequent +invitations. + +On one Sunday the Gym. mistress had offered her company for a walk, and +there the list of hospitalities ceased. No invitations came from that +friend of Mrs Fanshawe's who was so fond of girls who were working for +themselves. Claire had hardly expected it, but she was disappointed all +the same. A longing was growing within her to sit again in a pretty, +daintily-appointed room, and talk about something else than time-tables, +and irregular verbs, and the Association of Assistant Mistresses which, +amalgamated with the Association of Assistant Masters and the Teachers' +Guild, were labouring to obtain a settled scale of salaries, and that +great safeguard, desired above all others, a pension on retirement! + +On this particular Friday evening the longing was so strong that she had +deliberately gone out of her way to try to gain an invitation by walking +home with a certain Flora Ross in the sixth form, who was the most +ardent of her admirers. Flora lived in a cheerful-looking house about a +quarter of a mile from the school, and every morning hung over the gate +waiting for the chance occasions when her beloved Miss Gifford +approached alone, and she could have the felicity of accompanying her +for the rest of the way. On these occasions she invariably turned to +wave her hand to a plump, smiling mother who stood at a bay window +waving in return. An upper window was barred with brass rods, against +which two little flaxen heads bobbed up and down. Both the house and +its inmates had a cheerful wholesome air, which made a strong appeal to +the heart of the lonely girl, and this Friday afternoon, meeting Flora +waiting in the corridor, she had accepted her companionship on the way +home with a lurking hope that when the green gate was reached, she would +be invited to come inside. + +Alas! no such thought seemed to enter Flora's brain. She gazed +adoringly into Claire's face and hung breathlessly on her words, but for +all her adoration there was a gulf between. Claire was the sweetest and +duckiest of mistresses, but she _was_ a mistress, a being shut off from +the ordinary interests of life. When Flora said, "Isn't it jolly, we +are going to have a musical party to-morrow! We have such lovely +parties, and mother always lets me sit up!" she might have been speaking +to a creature without ears, for all the consciousness she exhibited that +Claire might possibly wish to take part in the fray. When the green +gate was reached, the plump mamma was seen standing outside the drawing- +room window and recognising the identity of her daughter's companion, +she bent her head in a courteous bow, but she made no attempt to +approach the gate. + +"See you on Monday!" cried Flora fondly, then the gate clicked, and +Claire walked along the road with her head held high, and two red spots +burning on either cheek. That evening for the first time she felt a +disinclination to change into the pretty summer frock which she had +chosen as a compromise for evening dress; that evening for the first +time the inner voice whispered to her as it had done to so many before +her: "What's the good? Nobody sees you! Nobody cares." + +Miss Rhodes finished her share of the omelette, turned on to bread and +jam, and cast a glance of inquiry at her companion, who had relapsed +into unusual silence. + +"Anything wrong?" + +"Yes, I think so. Usual symptoms, I suppose. I want to wear all my +best clothes and go out to do something gay and exciting, Cecil!" The +English teacher's name being Rhodes, it was obvious that she should be +addressed as Cecil, especially as her parents had been misguided enough +to give her the unsuitably gentle name of Mary. "Cecil, do none of the +parents _ever_ ask us out?" + +"Why should they?" + +"Why shouldn't they? If we are good enough to teach their children, we +are good enough for them. If they are interested in their children's +welfare, they ought to make a point of knowing us to see what kind of +influence we use." + +"Quite so." + +"Well?" + +"Well, my dear, there's only one thing to be said--they _don't_! As I +told you before, there's a prejudice against mistresses. They give us +credit for being clever, and cultivated, and hard-working; but they +never grasp the fact that we are human girls, who would very much enjoy +being frivolous for a change. I _have_ been asked out to tea at rare +intervals, and the mothers have apologised for the ordinary +conversation, and laboriously switched it on to books. I didn't want to +talk books. I wanted to discuss hats and dresses, and fashionable +intelligence, and sing comic songs, and play puss-in-the-corner, and be +generally giddy and riotous; but my presence cast a wet blanket over the +whole party, and we discussed Science and Art. Now I'm old and +resigned, but it's hard on the new hands. I think it was rather brutal +of your mother to let you come to London without taking the trouble of +getting _some_ introductions. Don't mind me saying so, do you?" + +Claire smiled feebly. + +"You have said it, anyhow! I know it must seem unkind to anyone who +does not know mother. She's really the kindest person in the world, but +she's very easy-going, and apt to believe that everything will happen +just as she wishes. She felt quite sure that Miss Farnborough and the +staff would supply me with a whirl of gaiety. There _was_ one lady, who +said she would write to a friend--" + +Cecil groaned deeply. + +"I know that friend. She comes from Sheffield. A dear kind friend who +would love to have you out on holidays. A friend who takes a special +interest in school-mistresses. A friend who gives such nice inter-est- +ing parties, and would certainly send you a card if she knew your +address. Was that it, my dear--was that the kind of friend?" + +Cecil chuckled with triumph at the sight of Claire's lengthening jaw. +In truth there seemed something uncanny in so accurate a reproduction of +Mrs Fanshawe's description. Was there, indeed, no such person? Did +she exist purely as a dummy figure, to be dangled before the eyes of +credulous beginners? Claire sighed, and buried her last lingering hope; +and at that very moment the postman's rap sounded at the door, and a +square white envelope was handed in, addressed in feminine handwriting +to Miss Claire Gifford. + +Claire tore it open, pulled forth a white card, gasped and flushed, and +tossed it across the table with a whoop of triumph. + +"Raven, look at that! What do you think now of your melancholy croaks?" + +Cecil picked up the card, inscribed with the orthodox printed lines, +beneath which a few words had been written. + + Mrs Willoughby, + At Home + May 26th, 9 p.m. + Music. + +"Have just received your address from Mrs Fanshawe. Shall hope to see +you to-morrow.--E.B.W." + +Cecil screwed up her face in disparagement. + +"Nine o'clock. Mayfair. That means a taxi both ways. Can't arrive at +a house like that in a mackintosh, with your shoes in a bag. Much wiser +to refuse. It will only unsettle you, and make you unfit for work. +She's done the polite thing for once, because she was asked, but she'll +never do it again. I've been through it myself, and I know the ropes. +A woman like that has hundreds of friends; why should she bother about +you? You'll never be asked again." + +But at that Claire laughed, and beat her hand on the table. + +"But I say I shall! I say I'll be asked _often_! I don't care if +you've had a hundred experiences, mine shall be different. She has +asked me once; now, as the Yankees say, `it's up to me' to do the rest. +I'll make up my mind to make her _want_ to ask me!" + + + +CHAPTER SEVEN. + +TRANSFORMATION OF CECIL. + +In the days to come when Claire looked back and reviewed the course of +events which followed, she realised that Mrs Willoughby's invitation +had been a starting-point from which to date happenings to others as +well as herself. It was, for instance, on the morning after its arrival +that Cecil's chronic discontent reached an acute stage. She appeared at +breakfast with a clouded face, grumbled incessantly throughout the meal, +and snapped at everything Claire said, until the latter was provoked +into snapping in return. In the old days of idleness Claire had been +noted for the sunny sweetness of her disposition, but she was already +discovering that teaching lays a severe strain on the nerves, and at the +end of a week's work endurance seemed at its lowest ebb. So, when her +soft answers met rebuff after rebuff, she began to grumble in her turn, +and to give back as good as she got. + +"Really, Cecil, I am exceedingly sorry that your form is so stupid, and +your work so hard, but I am neither a pupil nor a chief, so I fail to +see where my responsibility comes in. Wouldn't it be better if you +interviewed Miss Farnborough instead of me?" + +It was the first time that Claire had answered sharply, and for the +moment surprise held Cecil dumb. Then the colour flamed into her +cheeks, and her eyes sparkled with anger. Though forbearance had failed +to soothe her, opposition evidently added fuel to the fire. + +"Miss Farnborough!" she repeated jeeringly. "What does Miss Farnborough +care for the welfare of her mistresses, so long as they grind through +their daily tasks? It is the pupils she thinks about, not us. The +pupils who are to be pampered and considered, and studied, and amused in +school and out. They have to have games in summer, and a mistress has +to give up her spare time to watch the pretty dears to see that they +don't get into trouble; and they must have parties, and concerts, and +silly entertainments in winter, with some poor wretch of a mistress to +do all the work so that they may enjoy the fun. Miss Farnborough is an +exemplary Head so far as her scholars are concerned, but what does she +do for her mistresses? I ask you, does she do anything at all?" + +Claire considered, and was silent. Her first term was nearly over, and +she could not truthfully say that the Head had taken any concern for her +as an individual who might be expected to feel some interest in life +beyond the school door. It is true that almost every day brought the +two in contact for the exchange of a few words which, if strictly on +business, were always pleasant and kindly, but except for the one +invitation to tea on the day before work began, they had never met out +of school hours. Claire was a stranger in London, yet the Head had +never inquired as to her leisure hours, never invited her to her house, +or offered, her an introduction to friends, never even engaged the +sympathies of other mistresses on her behalf. Claire had expected a +very different treatment, and had struggled against a sense of injury, +but she would not acknowledge as much in words. + +"I suppose Miss Farnborough is even more tired than we are. She has a +tremendous amount of responsibility. And she has a brother and sister +at home. Perhaps they object to an incursion of school in free hours." + +"Then she ought to leave them, and live where she can do her duty +without interference. After all mistresses are girls, too, not very +much older than some of the pupils when we begin work; it's inhuman to +take _no_ interest in our welfare. It wouldn't kill a Head to give up a +night a month to ask us to meet possible friends, or to write a few +letters of introduction. You agree with me in your heart, so it's no +use pretending. It's a moral obligation, if it isn't legal, and I say +part of the responsibility is hers if things go wrong. It's inhuman to +leave a young girl alone in lodgings without even troubling to inquire +if she has anywhere to go in her leisure hours. But it's the same tale +all round. Nobody thinks. Nobody cares. I've gone to the same church +for three years, and not a soul has spoken to me all that time. I've no +time to give to Church work, and the seats are free, so there's no way +of getting into touch. I don't suppose any one has ever noticed the +shabby school-mistress in her shabby blue serge." + +Suddenly Mary Rhodes thrust back her chair, and rising impetuously began +to storm up and down the room. + +"Oh, I'm tired, I'm tired of this second-hand life. Living in other +people's houses, teaching other people's children, obeying other +people's orders. I'm sick of it. I can't stand it a moment longer. +I'd rather take any risk to be out of it. After all, what could be +worse? Any sort of life lived on one's own must be better than this. +Nearly twelve years of it--and if I have twenty more, what's the end? +What is there to look forward to? Slow starvation in a bed-sitting- +room, for perhaps thirty years. I won't do it, I won't! I've had +enough. Now I shall choose for myself!" + +Like a whirlwind she dashed out of the room, and Claire put her elbow on +the table and leant her head on her hands, feeling shaken, and +discouraged, and oppressed. For the first time a doubt entered her mind +as to whether she could continue to live with Mary Rhodes. In her +brighter modes there was much that was attractive in her personality, +but to live with a chronic grumbler sapped one's own powers of +resistance. Claire felt that for the sake of her own happiness and +efficiency it would be wiser to make a change, but her heart sank at the +thought of making a fresh start, of perhaps having to live alone with no +one to speak to in the long evenings. The life of a bachelor girl made +little appeal at that moment. Liberty seemed dearly bought at the price +of companionship. + +Claire spent the morning writing to her mother and reading over the +series of happy letters which had reached her week after week. Mrs +Judge was in radiant spirits, delighted with the conditions of her new +life, full of praise of her husband and the many friends to whom she had +been introduced. Three-fourths of the letter were taken up with +descriptions of her own gay doings, the remaining fourth with optimistic +remarks on her daughter's life. How delightful to share rooms with +another girl! What a nice break to have every Saturday and Sunday free! +What economical rooms! Claire must feel quite rich. What fun to have +the girls so devoted! + +Claire made an expressive grimace as she read that "quite rich." This +last week she had been obliged to buy new gloves, and to have her boots +mended. A new umbrella had been torn by the carelessness with which +another teacher had thrust her own into the crowded stand, and one night +she had been seized with a longing for a dainty well-cooked meal, and +had recklessly stood treat at a restaurant. She did not feel at all +"rich" as she made up the week's account, and reflected that next week +the expense of driving to Mrs Willoughby's "At Home" would again swell +up the total of these exasperating "extras" which made such havoc of +advance calculations. + +Cecil did not appear until lunch was on the table, when she flung the +door wide open and marched in with an air of bravado, as if wanting her +companion to stare at once and get over it. It would have been +impossible not to stare, for the change in her appearance was positively +startling to behold. Her dark hair was waved and fashionably coiffed. +Her best coat and skirt had been embellished with frills of lace at neck +and sleeves, a pretty little waistcoat had been manufactured out of a +length of blue ribbon and a few paste buttons, while a blue feather +necklet had been promoted a step higher, and encircled an old straw hat. +The ribbon bow at the end of the boa exactly matched the shade of the +waistcoat, and was cocked up at a daring angle, while a becoming new +veil and a pair of immaculate new gloves added still further to the +effect. + +Claire had always suspected that Cecil could be pretty if she chose to +take the trouble, and now she knew it for a fact. It was difficult to +realise that this well-groomed-looking girl, with the bright eyes and +softly-flushed cheeks, could really be the same person as the frumpy- +looking individual who every morning hurried along the street. + +Involuntarily Claire threw up her hands; involuntarily she cried aloud +in delight "Cheers! Cheers! How do you do, Cecil? Welcome home, +Cecil!--the real Cecil! How pretty you are, Cecil! How well that blue +suits you! Don't dare to go back to your dull navy and black. I shall +insist that you always wear blue. I feel quite proud of having such a +fine lady to lunch. You are going to have lunch, aren't you? Why those +gloves and veil?" + +"Oh, well--I'm not hungry. I'll have some coffee. I may have lunch in +town." Cecil was plainly embarrassed under her companion's scrutiny. +She pushed up her veil, so that it rested in a little ridge across her +nose, craned forward her head, sipping her coffee with exaggerated care, +so that no drop should fall on her lacy frills. + +Claire longed to ask a dozen questions, but something in Cecil's manner +held her at bay, and she contented herself with one inquiry-- + +"What time will you be home?" + +Cecil shrugged her shoulders. + +"Don't know. Perhaps not till late." She was silent for a moment, then +added with sudden bitterness, "You are not the _only_ person who has +invitations. If I chose, I could go out every Saturday." + +"Then why on earth are you always grumbling about your loneliness?" +thought Claire swiftly, but she did not put the thought into words. +After the warmth of her own welcome, a kinder response was surely her +due; she was angry, and would not condescend to reply. + +The meal was finished in silence, but when Cecil rose to depart, the +usual compunction seized her in its grip. She stood arranging her veil +before the mirror over the mantelpiece, uttering the usual interjectory +expressions of regret. + +"Sorry, Claire. I'm a wretch. You must hate me. I ought to be shot. +Nice Saturday morning I've given you! What are you going to do this +afternoon?" + +Claire's eyes turned towards the window with an expression sad to see on +so young a face--an imprisoned look. Her voice seemed to lose all its +timbre as she replied in one flat dreary word-- + +"Nothing!" + +A spasm of irresolution passed across Cecil's face. For a moment she +looked as if she were about to throw aside her own project and cast in +her lot with her friend's. Then her face hardened, and she turned +towards the door. + +"Why not call for Sophie Blake, and see if she will go a walk? She +asked you once before." + +With that she was gone, and Claire was left to consider the proposition. +Sophie Blake, the Games mistress, was the single member of the staff +who had shown any disposition towards real friendship, though the +intimacy was so far confined to one afternoon's walk, and an occasional +chat in the dinner hour, but this afternoon the thought of her merry +smile acted as an irresistible magnet. Claire ran upstairs to get +ready, in a panic lest she might arrive at Sophie's lodgings to find she +had already gone out for the afternoon. Cecil had hinted that she might +not return until late, and suddenly it seemed unbearable to spend the +rest of the day in solitude. Restlessness was in the air, first the +pleasurable restlessness caused by the receipt of Mrs Willoughby's +invitation, then the disagreeable restlessness caused by Cecil's erratic +behaviour. As she hurried through the streets towards Sophie Blake's +lodgings, Claire pondered over the mystery of this sudden development on +Cecil's part. Where was she going? Whom was she going to see? Why +declare with one breath that she was without a friend, and with the next +that if she chose she might accept invitations every week? What special +reason had to-day inspired such unusual care in her appearance? + +Sophie was at home. Lonely Claire felt quite a throb of relief as she +heard the welcome words. She entered the oil-clothed passage and was +shown into a small, very warm, very untidy front parlour wherein stood +Sophie herself, staring with widened eyes at the opening door. + +"Oh, it's _you_!" she cried. "What a fright you gave me! I couldn't +think _who_ it could be. Come in! Sit down! Can you find a free +chair? Saturday is my work day. I've been darning stockings, and +trimming a hat, and ironing a blouse, and washing lace, and writing +letters all in a rush. I love a muddle on Saturdays. It's such a +change after routine all the week. What do you think of the hat? Seven +and sixpence, all told. I flatter myself it looks worth every penny of +ten. Don't pull down that cloth. The iron's underneath. Be careful of +that table! The ink-pot's somewhere about. How sweet of you to call! +I'll clear this muddle away and then we can talk ... Oh, my arm!" + +"What's the matter with the arm?" + +Sophie shrugged carelessly. + +"Rheumatism, my dear. Cheerful, isn't it, for a gym. mistress? It's +been giving me fits all the week." + +"The east winds, I suppose. I know they make rheumatism worse." + +"They do. So does damp. So does snow. So does fog. So does cold. So +does heat. If you could tell me of anything that makes it _better_, I'd +be obliged. Bother rheumatism! Don't let's talk of it... It's +Saturday, my dear. I never think of disagreeables on Saturday. Where's +Miss Rhodes this afternoon?" + +"I don't know. She made herself look very nice and smart--she can be +very nice-looking when she likes!--and went out for the day." + +"Humph!" Sophie pursed her lips and contracted her brows as if in +consideration of a knotty point. "She was awfully pretty when I came to +the school ten years ago. And quite jolly and bright. You wouldn't +know her for the same girl. She's a worrier, of course, but it's more +than that. Something happened about six years ago, which took the +starch out of her once for all. A love affair, I expect. Perhaps she's +told you... I'm not fishing, and it's not my business, but I'm sorry +for the poor thing, and I was sorry for you when I heard you were going +to share her room. She can't be the most cheerful companion in the +world!" + +"Oh, she's quite lively at times," Claire said loyally, "and very +appreciative. I'm fond of her, you know, but I wish she didn't grumble +quite so much." She looked round the parlour, which was at once bigger +and better furnished than the joint apartment in Laburnum Crescent, and +seized upon an opportunity of changing the subject. "You have a very +nice room." + +Sophie Blake looked round with an air half proud, half guilty. + +"Y-es. Too nice. I've no business to spend so much, but I simply can't +stand those dreadful cheap houses. People are always fussing and +telling one to save up for old age. I think it matters far more to have +things nice in one's youth. I get a hundred and thirty a year, and have +to keep myself all the year round and help to educate a young sister. +We are orphans, and the grown-ups have to keep her between us. I +couldn't save if I wanted to, so what's the use of worrying? I don't +care very much what happens after fifty-five. Perhaps I shall be +married. Perhaps I shall be dead. Perhaps some nice kind millionaire +will have taken a fancy to me, and left me a fortune. If the worst +comes to the worst, I'll go into a home for decayed gentlewomen and knit +stockings--no, not stockings, I should never be able to turn the heels-- +long armlet things, like mittens, without the thumbs. Look here. Where +shall we go? Isn't it a shame that all the nice shops close early on +Saturday? We might have had such sport walking along Knightsbridge, +choosing what we'd like best from every window. Have you ever done +that? It's ripping fun. What about Museums? Do you like Museums? +Rather cold for the feet, don't you think? What can we do that's warm +and interesting, and exciting, and doesn't cost more than +eighteenpence?" + +Claire laughed gleefully, not at the thought of the eighteenpenny +restriction, but from pure joy at finding a companion who could face +life with a smile, and find enjoyment from such simple means as +imaginary purchases from shop windows. Oh, the blessed effect of a +cheerful spirit! How inspiriting it was after the constant douche of +discouragement from which she had suffered for the last nine weeks! + +"Oh, bother eighteenpence! This is my treat, and we are going to enjoy +ourselves, or know the reason why. I've got a lot of money in the bank, +and I'm just in the mood to spend. We'll go to the Queen's Hall, and +then on to have tea in a restaurant. You would like to hear some +music?" + +"So long as it is not a chorus of female voices--I _should_! I'm a +trifle fed up with female voices," cried Sophie gaily. She picked up +her newly-trimmed hat from the table and caressed it fondly. "Come +along, darling. You're going to make your _debut_!" + + + +CHAPTER EIGHT. + +THE RECEPTION. + +It was almost worth while leading a life of all work and no play for six +weeks on end, for the sheer delight of being frivolous once more; of +dressing oneself in one's prettiest frock, drawing on filmy silk +stockings and golden shoes, clasping a pearl necklace round a white +throat and cocking a feathery aigrette at just the right angle among +coppery swathes of hair. No single detail was wanting to complete the +whole, for in the old careless days Claire's garments had been purchased +with a lavish hand, the only anxiety being to secure the most becoming +specimen of its kind. There were long crinkly gloves, and a lace +handkerchief, and a fan composed of curling feathers and mother-of-pearl +sticks, and a dainty bag hanging by golden cords, and a cloak of the +newest shape, composed of layers of different-tinted chiffons, which +looked more like a cloud at sunset than a garment manufactured by human +hands and supposed to be of use! + +Claire tilted her little mirror to an acute angle, gave a little skip of +delight as she surveyed the completed whole, and then whirled down the +narrow staircase, a flying mist of draperies, through which the little +gold-clad feet gleamed in and out. She whirled into the sitting-room, +where the solitary lamp stood on the table, and Cecil lay on the humpy +green plush sofa reading a novel from the Free Library. She put down +the book and stared with wide eyes as Claire gave an extra whirl for her +benefit, and cried jubilantly-- + +"Admire me! Admire me! I'm dying to be admired! Don't I look fine, +and smart, and unsuitable! Will any one in the world mistake me for a +High School-mistress!" + +Cecil rose from the sofa, and made a solemn tour of inspection. +Obviously she was impressed, obviously she admired, obviously also she +found something startling in her inspection. There was pure feminine +interest in the manner in which she fingered each delicate fabric in +turn, there was pure feminine kindness in the little pat on the arm +which announced the close of the inspection. + +"My dear, it's ripping! Rich and rare isn't in it. You look a dream. +Poor kiddie! If this is the sort of thing you've been used to, it's +been harder for you than I thought! Yes, horribly unsuitable, and when +it's worn-out, you'll never be able to have another like it. White +ponge will be your next effort." + +"Bless your heart, I've three others just as fine, and these skimpy +skirts last for an age. No chance of any one planting a great foot on +the folds and tearing them to ribbons as in the old days. There _are_ +no folds to tread on." + +But Cecil as usual was ready with her croak. + +"Next year," she said darkly, "there will be flounces. Before you have +a chance of wearing your four dresses, everybody will be fussy and +frilly, and they'll be hopelessly out of date." + +"Then I'll cut up two and turn them into flounces to fuss out the +others!" cried Claire, the optimist, and gave another caper from sheer +lightness of heart. "How do you like my feet?" + +"I suppose you mean shoes. A pretty price you paid for those. I'm sure +they're too tight!" + +"Boats, my dear, boats! I've had to put in a sole. Didn't you know my +feet were so small? How do you like my cloak? It's meant to look like +a cloud. Layers of blue, pink and grey, `superimposed,' as the fashion +papers have it. Or should you say it was more like an opal?" + +"No, I should not. Neither one nor the other. Considered as a cloak +for a foggy November evening, I should call it a delusion and a fraud. +You'll get a chill. I've a Shetland shawl. I'll lend it to you to wrap +round your shoulders." + +"No, you won't!" Claire cried defiantly. "Shetland shawl indeed! Who +ever heard of a girl of twenty-one in a Shetland shawl? I'm going to a +party, my dear. The joy of that thought would keep me warm through a +dozen fogs." + +"You'll have to come back from the party, however, and you mayn't feel +so jubilant then. It's not too exciting when you don't know a soul, and +sit on one seat all evening. I knew a girl who went to a big crush and +didn't even get a cup of coffee. Nobody asked her to go down." + +Claire swept her cloak to one side, and sat down on a chair facing the +sofa, her white gloves clasped on her knee, the embroidered bag hanging +by its golden cords to the tip of the golden slippers. She fixed her +eyes steadily on her companion, and there was in them a spark of anger, +before which Cecil had the grace to flush. + +"Sorry! Really I am sorry--" + + "`Repentance is to _leave_ + The sins we loved before, + And show that we in earnest grieve + By doing so No More!'" + +quoted Claire sternly. "Really, Cecil, you are the champion wet blanket +of your age. It is too bad. I have to do all the perking up, and you +can't even let me go to a party without damping my ardour. I was +thinking it over the other night, and I've hit on a promising plan. I'm +going to allow you a grumble day a week--but only one. On that day you +can grumble as much as ever you like, from the moment you get up till +the moment you go to bed. You'll be within your rights, and I shall not +complain. I'll have my own day, too, when you can find out what it +feels like to listen, but won't be allowed to say a word in return. For +the rest of the week you'll just have to grin and bear it. You won't be +allowed a single growl." + +Cecil knitted her brows, and looked ashamed and uncomfortable, as she +invariably did when taxed with her besetting sin. Claire's charge on +mental poisoning had struck home, and she had honestly determined to +turn over a new leaf; but the habit had been indulged too long to be +easily abandoned. Unconsciously, as it were, disparaging remarks flowed +from her lips, combined with a steady string of objections, adverse +criticisms, and presentiments of darkness and gloom. At the present +moment she felt a little startled to realise how firmly the habit was +established, and the proposal of a licenced grumble day held out some +promise of a cure. + +"Then I'll have Monday!" she cried briskly. "I am always in a bad +temper on Mondays, so I shall be able to make the most of my chance." +She was silent for a moment considering the prospect, then was struck +with a sudden thought. "But now and then I _do_ have a nice week-end, +and then I shouldn't want to grumble at all. I suppose I could change +the day?" + +There was a ring of triumph in Claire's laugh. + +"Not you! My dear girl, that's just what I am counting upon! Sometimes +the sun will shine, sometimes you'll get a nice letter, sometimes the +girls will be intelligent and interesting, and then, my dear, you'll +forget, and the day will skip past, and before you know where you are it +will be Tuesday morning and your chance will have gone. Cecil, fancy +it! A whole fortnight without a grumble. It seems almost too good to +be true!" + +"It does!" said the English mistress eloquently. She sat upright on the +green plush sofa, her shabby slippers well in evidence beneath the edge +of her shabby skirt, staring with curious eyes at the radiant figure of +the girl in the opposite chair. "I don't think you need a day at all!" + +"Because I'm going to a solitary party? Only two minutes ago, my love, +you were sympathising with my hard lot! I shall have Fridays. I'm +tired on Fridays, and it's getting near the time for making up accounts. +I can be quite a creditable grumbler on Fridays." + +"Well, just as you like! You _are_ going to the party, I suppose? +Haven't changed your mind by any chance, and determined to spend the +evening hectoring me! If you are going, you'd better go. I'll sit up +for you and keep some cocoa--" + +Claire rose with a smile. + +"I appreciate the inference! Starved and disillusioned, I am to creep +home and weep on your bosom. Well, we'll see! Good-bye for the +present. I'll tell you all about it when I get back..." + +A minute's whistling at the front door produced a taxi, in which Claire +seated herself and was whirled westward through brightly lighted +streets. In the less fashionable neighbourhoods the usual Saturday +crowd thronged round the shops and booths, making their purchases at an +hour when perishable goods could be obtained at bargain prices. Claire +and Cecil had themselves made such expeditions before now, coming home +triumphant with some savoury morsel for supper, and with quite a lavish +supply of flowers to deck the little room. At the time the expeditions +had been pleasant enough, and there had seemed nothing in the least +_infra dig_ in taking advantage of the opportunity; but to-night the +girl in the cloudy cloak looked through the windows of her chariot with +an ineffable condescension, and found it difficult to believe that she +herself had ever made one of so insignificant a throng! + +"How I do love luxury! It's the breath of my nostrils," she said to +herself with a little sigh of content, as she straightened herself in +her seat, and smiled back at her own reflection in the strip of mirror +opposite. Her hair had "gone" just right. What a comfort that was! +Sometimes it took a stupid turn and could not be induced to obey. She +opened the cloak at the top and peeped at the dainty whiteness within, +with the daring, thoroughly French touch of vivid emerald green which +gave a _cachet_ to the whole. Yes, it was quite as pretty as she had +believed. Every whit as becoming. "I don't look a bit like a school- +mistress!" smiled Claire, and snoodled back again against the cushions +with a deep breath of content. + +She was not in the least shy. Many a girl about to make her _entree_ +into a strange house would have been suffering qualms of misgiving by +this time, but Claire had spent her life more or less in public, and was +accustomed to meet strangers as a matter of course, so there was no +dread to take the edge off her enjoyment. + +Even when the taxi slowed down to take its place in the stream of +vehicles which were drawn up before Mrs Willoughby's house, she knew +only a heightened enjoyment in the realisation that it was not a party +at all, but a real big fashionable At Home. + +The usual crowd of onlookers stood on either side of the door, and as +Claire descended from the taxi, the sight of her golden slippers and +floating clouds of gauze evoked a gratifying murmur of admiration. She +passed on with her head in the air, looking neither to right nor left, +but close against the rails stood a couple of working girls whose +wistful eyes drew her own as with a magnet. In their expression was a +whole world of awe, of admiration; they looked at her as at a denizen of +another sphere, hardly presuming even to be envious, so infinitely was +she removed from their grey-hued life. As Claire met their eyes, an +impulse seized her to stop and tell them that she was just a working +girl like themselves, but convention being too strong to allow of such +familiarities, she smiled instead, with such a frank and friendly +acknowledgment of their admiration as brought a flash of pleasure to +their faces. + +"She's a real laidy, she is!" said Gladys to Maud; and Maud sniffed in +assent, and answered strongly, "You bet your life!" + +The inside of the house seemed out of all proportion with the outside +appearance. This is a special peculiarity of the West End, which has +puzzled many a visitor besides Claire Gifford. What _is_ the magic +which transforms narrow slips of buildings into spacious halls and +imposing flights of stairways? Viewed from the street, the town houses +of well-known personages seem quite inadequate for their purpose; viewed +from within, they are all that is stately and appropriate. Those of us +who live in less favoured neighbourhoods would fain solve the riddle. + +Mrs Willoughby stood at the top of her own staircase, shaking hands +with the stream of ascending guests, and motioning them forward to the +suite of entertaining rooms from which came a steady murmur of voices. +She was a stout woman, with a vast expanse of white shoulders which +seemed to join right on to her head without any preliminary in the shape +of a neck. Her hair was dark, and a plain face was lightened by a pair +of exceedingly pleasant, exceedingly alert brown eyes. As soon as she +met those eyes Claire felt assured that the kindness of which she had +heard was a real thing, and that this woman could be counted upon as a +friend. There was, it is true, a slight vagueness in the manner in +which she made her greeting, but a murmur of "Mrs Fanshawe" instantly +revived recollections. + +"Of course--of course!" she cried heartily. "So glad you could come, my +dear. I must see you later on. Reginald!"--she beckoned to a lad in an +Eton suit--"I want you to take charge of Miss Gifford. Take her to have +some coffee, and introduce her to some one nice." + +A nod and a smile, and Mrs Willoughby had turned back to welcome the +next guest in order, while the Eton boy offered his arm with the air of +a prince of the blood, and led the way to a refreshment buffet around +which the guests were swarming with an eagerness astonishing to behold +when one realised how lately they must have risen from the dinner-table. +Claire found her young cavalier very efficient in his attentions. He +settled her in a comfortable corner, brought her a cup of coffee heaped +with foaming cream, and gave it as his opinion that it was going to be +"a beastly crush." Claire wondered if it would be tactful to inquire +how he happened to be at home in the middle of a term; but while she +hesitated he supplied the information himself. + +"I'm home on leave. Appendicitis. Left the nursing home three weeks +ago. Been at the sea, and came back yesterday in time for this show. +Getting a bit tired of slacking!" + +"You must be. Dear me! I _am_ sorry. Too bad to begin so soon," +murmured Claire pitifully; but Master Reginald disdained sympathy. + +"Oh, I dunno," he said calmly. "It's quite the correct thing, don't you +know? Everybody's doing it. Just as well to get it through. It +might"--he opened his pale eyes with a startled look--"it might have +come on in the hols! Pretty fool I should have looked if I'd been done +out of winter sports." + +"There's that way of looking at it!" Claire said demurely. For a +moment she debated whether she should break the fact that she herself +was a school-mistress, but decided that it would be wiser to refrain +since the boy would certainly feel more at ease with her in her private +capacity. So for the next half-hour they sat happily together in their +corner, while the boy discoursed on the subjects nearest his heart, and +the girl deftly switched him back to the subjects more congenial. + +"Yes, I love cricket. At least I'm sure I should do, if I understood it +better... _Do_ tell me who is the big old lady with the eyeglass and +the diamond tiara?" + +"Couldn't tell you to save my life. Rather an out-size, isn't she? +Towers over the men. I say! you ought to go to Lord's Will you turn up +at Lord's next year to see our match? We might meet somewhere and I'd +give you tea. Harrow won't have a chance. We've got a bowler who--" + +"Can he really? How nice! Oh, that _is_ a curious-looking man with the +long hair! I'm sure he is something, or does something different from +other people. Is he a musician, do you think? Do you ever have music +on these evenings?" + +"Rather! Sometimes the mater hires a big swell, sometimes she lets +loose the amateurs. She knows lots of amateurs, y'know. People who are +trying to be big-wigs, and want the chance to show off. The mater +encourages them. Great mistake if you ask me, but you needn't listen if +you don't want. She has one of these crushes once a month. Beastly +dull, I call them. Can't think why the people come. But she gives them +a rattling good feed. Supper comes on at twelve, in the dining-room +downstairs." + +But Claire was not interested in supper. All her attention was taken up +in watching the stream of people passing by, and for a time the youth of +her companion had seemed an advantage, since it made it easy to indulge +her curiosity concerning her fellow-guests by a succession of questions +which might have been boring to an adult. As time passed on, however, +and she became conscious that more than one pair of masculine eyes +turned in her direction, she wished frankly Master Reginald would +remember his mother's instructions and proceed without further delay to +introduce her to "someone nice." To return home and confess to Cecil +that she had spent the evening in company with a schoolboy would be +almost as humiliating as sitting alone in a corner. + +It was at this point that Claire became aware of the presence of a very +small, very wizened old woman sitting alone at the opposite side of the +room, her mittened hands clawing each other restlessly in her lap, her +sunken eyes glancing to right and left with a glance distinctly hostile. +The passing of guests frequently hid her from view, but when a gap came +again, there she sat, still alone, still twisting her mittened hands, +still coldly staring around. Claire thought she looked a very +disagreeable old lady, but she was sorry for her all the same. Horrid +to be old and cross, and to be alone in a crowd! She put yet another +question to the boy by her side. + +"That," said Master Willoughby seriously, "is Great-aunt Jane. Great- +aunt Jane is the skeleton in our cupboard. The mater says so, and she +ought to know. Every time the mater has a show, the moment the door is +opened, in comes Great-aunt Jane, and sits it out until every one has +gone. If any one dares speak to her she snaps his head off, and if they +let her alone, she's furious, and gives it to the mater after they're +gone. Most of the crowd know her by now, and pretend they don't see, +... and she gets waxier and waxier. Would you like to be introduced?" + +"Yes, please!" said Claire unexpectedly. She was tired of sitting in +one corner, and wanted to move her position, but she was also quite +genuinely anxious to try her hand at cheering poor cross Great-aunt +Jane. The old lady _pensionnaires_ in the "Villa Beau Sejour" had made +a point of petting and flattering the pretty English girl, and Claire +was complacently assured that this old lady would follow their example. +But she was mistaken. + +"Aunt Jane, Miss Gifford asks to be introduced to you. Miss Gifford-- +Lady Jane Willoughby." + +Reginald beat a hurried retreat, and Claire seated herself at the end of +the sofa and smilingly awaited her companion's lead. It did not come. +After one automatic nod of the head, Lady Jane resumed her former +position, taking no more notice of the new-comer than if she had +remained at the far end of the room. Claire felt her cheeks begin to +burn. Her complacence had suffered a shock, but pride came to her +rescue, and she made a determined effort at conversation. + +"That nice boy has been telling me that he has had appendicitis." + +Lady Jane favoured her with a frosty glance. + +"Yes, he has. Perhaps you will excuse me from talking about it. I +object to the discussion of diseases at social gatherings." + +Claire's cheeks grew hotter still. A quick retort came to her lips. + +"I wasn't going to discuss it! I only mentioned it for--for something +to say. I couldn't think how else to begin!" + +The droop of Lady Jane's eyelids inferred that it was really quite +superfluous to begin at all. Claire waited a whole two minutes by the +clock, and then made another effort. + +"I hear we are to have some music later on." + +"Sorry to hear it," said Great-aunt Jane. + +"Really! I was so glad. Aren't you fond of music, then?" + +"I am very fond of music," said Aunt Jane, and there was a world of +insinuation in her voice. Without a definite word being spoken, the +hearer was informed that good music, real music, music worthy the name, +was a thing that no sane person would expect to hear at Mrs +Willoughby's "At Homes." She was really the most terrifying and +disconcerting of old ladies, and Claire heartily repented the impulse +which had brought her to her side. A pretty thing it would be if she +were left alone on this sofa for the rest of the evening! + +But fortune was kind, and from across the room came a good angel who was +so exactly a reproduction of Mrs Willoughby herself, minus half her +age, that it must obviously be her daughter. Janet Willoughby was not a +pretty girl, but she looked gay, and bright, and beaming with good +humour, and at this moment with a spice of mischief into the bargain. +The manner in which she held out her hand to Claire was as friendly as +though the two girls had been friends for years. + +"Miss Gifford? I was sure it must be you. Mother told me to look for +you. Aunt Jane, will you excuse my running away with Miss Gifford? +Several people are asking to be introduced. Will you come with me, Miss +Gifford? I want to take you into the music room." + +Claire rose with a very leap of eagerness, and as soon as they had +gained a safe distance, Miss Willoughby turned to her with twinkling +eyes. + +"I am afraid you were having a bad time! I caught sight of you across +the room and was so sorry. Who took you over there? Was it that +naughty Reginald?" + +"He did, but I asked him. I thought she looked lonely. I thought +perhaps she would be pleased." + +Janet Willoughby's smile showed a quick approval. + +"That was kind! Thanks for the good intention, but I can't let you be +victimised any more. I want to talk to you myself, and half-a-dozen men +have been asking for introductions to the girl with the green sash. You +know Mrs Fanshawe, don't you? Isn't she charming? She and I are the +greatest of chums. I always say she has never succeeded in growing +older than seventeen. She is so delightfully irresponsible and +impulsive. She wrote mother a charming letter about you. It made us +quite anxious to meet you, but you know what town life is--a continual +rush! Everything gets put off." + +"It was awfully good of you to ask me at all, and very kind of Mrs +Fanshawe to write. I only know her in the most casual way. We crossed +over from Antwerp together, and her maid was ill, and I was able to be +of some use, and when she heard that I was coming to work in London and +that I knew nobody here--she--" + +Jane Willoughby stared in frank amazement. + +"Do you really mean that that was all? You met her only that one time? +You know nothing of her home or her people?" + +"Only that time. I hope--I hope you don't think--" + +Claire suffered an anxious moment before she realised that for some +unexplained reason Miss Willoughby was more pleased than annoyed by the +intelligence. An air of something extraordinarily like relief passed +over her features. She laughed gaily and said-- + +"I don't think anything at all except that it is delightfully like Mrs +Fanshawe. She wrote as if she had known you for ages. As a matter of +fact she probably _does_ know you quite well. She is so extraordinarily +quick and clever, that she crowds as much life into an hour as an +ordinary person does into a week. She told us that you had chosen to +come to London to work, rather than go to India and have a good time. +How plucky of you! And you teach at one of the big High Schools... You +don't look in the least like a school-mistress." + +"Ah! I'm off duty to-night! You should see me in the morning, in my +working clothes. You should see me at night, correcting exercises on +the dining-table in a lodging-house parlour, and cooking sausages in a +chafing-dish for our evening meal. I `dig' with the English mistress, +and do most of our cooking myself, as the landlady's tastes and ours +don't agree. I'm getting to be quite an expert at manufacturing +sixpenny dainties." + +Janet Willoughby breathed a deep sigh; the diamond star on her neck sent +out vivid gleams of light. + +"What fun!" she sighed enviously. "What fun!" and as she spoke there +flashed suddenly before the eyes of her listener a picture of the +English mistress lying on the green plush sofa, her shabby slippers +showing beneath the hem of her shabby skirt, spending the holiday +Saturday evening at home because she had no invitations to go out, and +no money to spare for an entertainment. "Oh, I _do_ envy you!" sighed +Janet deeply. "It's one of my greatest ambitions to share rooms with a +nice girl, and live the simple life, and be free to do whatever one +liked. Mother loves independence in other girls, but her principles +don't extend to me. She says an only daughter's place is at home. But +you are an only daughter, too." + +"I am; but other circumstances were different. It was a case of being +dependent on a stepfather or of working for myself--so I chose to work, +and--" + +"And I'm sure you never regret it!" + +Claire extended her hands in the expressive French shrug. + +"Ah, but I do! Horribly, at times. Even now, after three months' work +I have a conviction that I shall regret it more and more as time goes +on; but if I had to decide again, I'd do just the same. It's a question +of principle versus so many things--laziness and self-indulgence, and +wanting to have a good time, and the habits of a lifetime, and +irritation with stupid girls who won't work." + +Janet Willoughby gave a soft murmur of understanding. + +"Yes, of course. Stupid of me to say that! Of course, you must get +tired when you've never taught before. Does it bore you very much?" + +"Teaching? Oh, no. As a rule I love it, and take a pride in inventing +new ways to help the girls. It's the all work and no play that gets on +one's nerves, and the feeling of being cut off from the world by an +impassable barrier of something that really doesn't exist. People have +a prejudice against school-mistresses. They think they are dull, and +proper, and pedantic. If they want to be complimentary they say, `You +don't look like a school-mistress.' You did yourself, not two minutes +ago. But really and truly they are just natural, everyday girls, +wanting to have a good time in their leisure hours like other girls. +You can't think how happy I was to come here to-night and have the +chance of putting on pretty things again." + +Janet Willoughby put her hand on Claire's arm and piloted her deftly +through the crowd. + +"Now," she said firmly, "you just stay here, and I'll bring up all the +nicest men in the room, and introduce them in turns. You _shall_ have a +good time, and you are wearing the very prettiest things in the room--if +it's any comfort to you to hear it. We won't talk about school any +more. To-night is for fun!" + +The next hour passed on flying feet, while Claire sat the queen of a +little court, and Janet Willoughby flitted to and fro, bringing up fresh +arrivals to be introduced, and drafting off the last batch to other +parts of the crowded rooms. All the men were agreeable and amusing, and +showed a flattering appreciation of their position. Claire felt no more +interest in one than in another, but she liked them all, and felt a +distinct pleasure in talking to men again after the convent-like +existence of the last months. She was pleased to welcome a new-comer, +smiled unconcerned at a farewell. + +From time to time the buzz of voices was temporarily broken by the crash +of the piano, but always before the end of each performance it rose +again, and steadily swelled in volume. In truth, the excellence of the +performance was no great inducement to listen, and Mrs Willoughby's +forehead showed a pucker of anxiety. She drifted across to Claire's +corner, and spoke a few kindly words of welcome, which ended in a half +apology. + +"I am sorry the music is so poor. It varies so much on different +nights. Sometimes we have quite a number of good singers, but to-night +there are none. I am afraid so much piano grows a little boring." + +She looked in the girl's face with a quick inquiry. + +"Do _you_ sing?" + +"No-o." The word seemed final, yet there was an unmistakable hesitation +in Claire's voice. Mrs Willoughby's glance sharpened. + +"But you do something? Play? Recite? What is it? My dear, I should +be so grateful!" + +"I--whistle!" confessed Claire with a blush, and a little babble of +delight greeted the words. Every one who heard hailed the chance of a +variety in the monotonous programme. Mrs Willoughby beamed with all +the relief of a hostess unexpectedly relieved of anxiety. + +"Delightful! Charming! My dear, it will be such a help! You would +like an accompaniment? I'll introduce you to Mr Helder. He can play +anything you like. Will you come now! I am sure every one will be +charmed." + +There was no time for a second thought. The next moment the long-haired +Mr Helder was bowing over Claire's hand, and professing his delight. +The little group in the corner were pressing forward to obtain a point +of vantage, and throughout the company in general was passing a wordless +hum of excitement. Mr Helder was seating himself at the piano, a girl +in a white dress had ascended the impromptu platform and now stood by +his side, a pretty girl, a very pretty girl, a girl who acknowledged the +scattered applause with a smile which showed two dimples on one cheek, a +girl who looked neither shy nor conceited, but simply as if she were +enjoying herself very much, and expected everybody to do the same. She +was going to sing. It would be a relief to listen to singing after the +continued performances upon the piano. They hoped sincerely that she +could sing well. Why didn't the accompaniment begin? + +Then suddenly a white-gloved hand gave a signal, Mr Helder's hands +descended on the keys, and at the same instant from between Claire's +pursed-up lips there flowed a stream of high, flute-like notes, +repeating the air with a bird-like fluency and ease. She had chosen the +old-world ballad, "Cherry Ripe," the quaint turns and trills of which +lent themselves peculiarly well to this method of interpretation, and +the swing and gaiety of the measure carried the audience by storm. +Looking down from her platform Claire could see the indifferent faces +suddenly lighten into interest, into smiles, into positive beams of +approval. At the second verse heads began to wag; unconsciously to +their owners lips began to purse. It was inspiring to watch those +faces, to know that it was she herself who had wrought the magic change. + +Those moments for Claire were pure undiluted joy. Whistling had come to +her as a natural gift, compensating to some extent for the lack of a +singing voice; later on she had taken lessons, and practised seriously +to perfect her facility. At school in Paris, later on in attending +social gatherings with her mother, she had had abundant opportunities of +overcoming the initial shyness; but indeed shyness was never a serious +trouble with Claire Gifford, who was gifted with that very agreeable +combination of qualities,--an amiable desire to please other people, and +a comfortable assurance of her own powers. + +At the end of the third verse the applause burst out with a roar. +"Bravos" sounded from every side, and "Encores" persisted so strenuously +that Claire was not permitted even to descend from her platform. Mrs +Willoughby rustled forward full of gratitude and thanks. Mr Helder +rubbed his hands, and beamingly awaited further commands... What would +Cecil have to say to a success like this? + +Claire's second choice was one of Mendelssohn's "Songs without Words," a +quieter measure this time, sweet and flowing, and giving opportunity for +a world of delicate phrasing. It was one of the pieces which she had +practised with a master, and with which she felt most completely at +home; and if the audience found it agreeable to hear, they also, to +judge from their faces, found it equally agreeable to watch. Claire's +cheeks were flushed to a soft rose-pink, her head moved to and fro, +unconsciously keeping time with the air; one little golden shoe softly +tapped the floor. Her unconsciousness of self added to the charm of the +performance. But once the audience noticed, with sympathetic amusement, +her composure was seriously threatened, so that the bird-like notes +quavered ominously, and the twin dimples deepened into veritable holes. +Claire had caught sight of Great-aunt Jane standing in solitary state at +the rear of the throng of listeners, her mittened fingers still +plucking, her eyes frosty with disapproval. + +After that Claire safeguarded her composure by looking steadily downward +at the points of her shoes until the end of the song approached, when it +seemed courteous, once more, to face her audience. She raised her eyes, +and as she did so her heart leapt within her with a startling force. +She was thankful that it _was_ the end, that the long final note was +already on her lips, for there, standing in the doorway, his face +upraised to hers, stood her knight of the railway station, the rescuer +of the lost box--Erskine Fanshawe himself! + + + +CHAPTER NINE. + +THE SUPPER. + +Claire stepped down from the platform to be surrounded by a throng of +guests all eager to express their admiration of her interesting +performance, to marvel how she could "do it," and to congratulate her +upon so unusual an accomplishment; and she smiled and bowed, declared +that it was quite easy, and perjured herself by maintaining that anyone +could do as well, acutely conscious all the time that Captain Fanshawe +was drawing nearer with determined steps, edging his way towards the +front of the crowd. The next moment her hand was in his, and he was +greeting her with the assurance of a lifelong friend. + +"Good evening, Miss Gifford. Hadn't we better make straight for supper +now? I am sure you must need it." + +It was practically the ordinary invitation. There was nothing to find +fault with in the words themselves, yet the impression of a previous +arrangement was obviously left with the hearers, who fell back, giving +way as to a superior right. As for Claire, she laid her hand on the +extended arm, with all the good will in the world, and made a triumphant +passage through the crowd, which smiled upon her as though agreeing that +it was now her turn to be amused. + +"This table, I think!" Captain Fanshawe said, leading the way to the +furthest corner of the dining-room, and Claire found herself sipping a +hot cup of soup, and realising that the world was an agreeable place, +and that it was folly ever to allow oneself to be downhearted, since +such delightful surprises awaited round corners ready to transform the +grey into gold! + +Captain Fanshawe looked exactly as memory had pictured him--plain of +feature, distinguished in bearing, grave, self-contained, yet with that +lurking light in his eyes which showed that humour lay beneath. Claire +smiled at him across the table, and asked an obvious question-- + +"Rather a different meeting-place from our last! Did you know me at +once?" + +"I did," he said, and added deliberately, "Just as you knew me." + +"Oh, well!" Claire tried to look unconcerned. "Men are always pretty +much the same. Evening dress does not make the same difference to +them." + +She knew a momentary fear lest he should believe she was fishing for a +compliment, and give the ordinary banal reply; but he looked at her with +a grave scrutiny, and asked quietly-- + +"Was that one of the frocks which went astray?" + +"Yes! All of it. It wasn't even divided in half." + +"It was a good thing the box turned up!" he said; and there, after all, +was the compliment, but so delicately inferred that the most fastidious +taste could not object. + +With the finishing of the soup came the first reference to Claire's +work, for the Captain's casual "Do you care for anything solid, or would +you prefer a sweet?" evoked a round-eyed stare of dismay. + +"Oh, _please_!" cried Claire deeply. "I want to go straight through. +I've been living on mutton and cabbage for over two months, and cooking +suppers on a chafing-dish. I looked forward to supper as part of the +treat!" + +The plain face lightened into a delightful smile. + +"That's all right!" he cried. "Now we know where we are. I hadn't much +dinner myself, so I'm quite game. Let us study the book of the words." + +A _menu_ lay on the table, a square white card emblazoned with many +golden words. Captain Fanshawe drew his chair nearer, and ran his +finger down the list, while Claire bent forward to signify a yea or nay. +Every delicacy in season and out of season seemed to find its place on +that list, which certainly justified Master Reginald's eulogy of his +mother's "good feeds." Claire found it quite a serious matter to decide +between so many good things, and even with various curtailments, made +rather out of pride than inclination, the meal threatened to last some +considerable time. + +Well! there was obvious satisfaction in the manner in which Captain +Fanshawe delivered his orders, and for herself, she had been dignified +and self-denying; she had resolutely shut the door between this man and +herself, and devoted herself to work, and now, since fate had thrown him +in her way for a chance hour, she could enjoy herself with a light mind. +It was good to talk to a man again, to hear a deep masculine voice, to +look at a broad strong frame. Putting aside all question of love and +marriage, the convent life is no more satisfying than the monastic. +Each sex was designed by God to be the complement of the other. Each +must suffer from lack of the other's companionship. + +"I arrived just as you began your performance," Captain Fanshawe +informed her. "It was a great `draw.' Everybody had crowded forward to +listen. It was only towards the end of your second--er--how exactly +should one express it?--_morceau_, that I managed to get into seeing +line. It was a surprise! Have you known the Willoughbys long?" + +Claire looked at him blankly. + +"I never saw them before to-night. Your mother wrote to ask them if +they would send me a card." + +"Oh!" Captain Fanshawe was certainly surprised, and Claire mentally +snubbed herself because at the bottom of her heart there had lain a +suspicion that perhaps--just perhaps--he had come to-night in the hope +of meeting his acquaintance of the railway station. This was not the +case; no thought of her had been in his mind. Probably until the moment +of meeting he had forgotten her existence. Never mind! They _had_ met, +and he was agreeable and friendly. Now for a delightful half-hour... + +"That was a good thought of the _mater's_. You will like them. They +are delightful people. Just the people you ought to know as a stranger +in town. How goes the school teaching, by the way? As well as you +expected?" + +Claire deliberated, with pursed lips. + +"No. I expected so much; I always do. But much better than other +people expected for me. Theoretically it's a fine life. There are +times when it seems that nothing could be finer. But--" + +"But what?" + +"I don't think it's quite satisfying, as a _whole_ life!" + +"Does anyone suppose it is?" + +"They try to. They have to. For most teachers there is so little +else." + +The waiter handed plates of lobster mayonnaise, and Captain Fanshawe +said quietly-- + +"Tell me about the times when the work seems fine." + +"Ah--many times! It depends on one's own mood and health, because, of +course, the circumstances are always the same. There are mornings when +one looks round a big class-room and sees all the girls' faces looking +upwards, and it gives one quite a thrilling sense of power and +opportunity. That is what the heaven-born teacher must feel every +time.--`Here is the fresh virgin soil, and mine is the joy of planting +the right seed! Here are the women of the future, the mothers of the +race. For this hour they are mine. What I say, they must hear. They +will listen with an attention which even their parents cannot gain. The +words which I speak this morning may bear fruit in many lives.' That's +the ideal attitude, but the ordinary human woman has other mornings when +all she feels is--`Oh, dear me, six hours of this! And what's the use? +Everything I batter in to-day will be forgotten by to-morrow. What's +the ideal anyway in teaching French verbs? I want to go to bed.'" + +They laughed together, but Captain Fanshawe sobered quickly, and his +brow showed furrows of distress. Claire looked at him and said +quickly-- + +"Do you mind if we don't talk school? I am Cinderella to-night, wearing +fine clothes and supping in state. I'd so much rather talk Cinderella +to match." + +"Certainly, certainly. Just as you wish." Lolling back in his chair, +Captain Fanshawe adopted an air of _blase_ indifference, and drawled +slowly, "Quite a good winter, isn't it? Lots going on. Have you been +to the Opera lately?" + +"Oh dear!" thought Claire with a gush, "how refreshing to meet a grown- +up man who can pretend like a child!" She simpered, and replied +artificially, "Oh, yes--quite often. The dear Duchess is _so_ kind; her +box is open to me whenever I choose to go. Wonderful scene, isn't it? +All those tiers rising one above another. Do you ever look up at the +galleries? Such funny people sit there--men in tweed suits; girls in +white blouses. Who _are_ they, should you think? Clerks and typists +and school-mistresses, and people of that persuasion?" + +"Possibly, I dare say. One never knows. They look quite respectable +and quiet, don't you know!" + +The twinkle was alight in Captain Fanshawe's eyes. It shone more +brightly still as he added, "Everybody turns up sooner or later in the +Duchess's box. Have you happened to meet--the Prince!" + +For a moment Claire groped for the connection, then dimpled merrily. + +"Not yet. No! but I am hoping--" + +The waiter approached with plates of chicken in aspic, and more rolls of +crisp browned bread. Claire sent a thought to Cecil finishing a box of +sardines, with her book propped up against the cocoa jug. The +Cinderella _role_ was forgotten while her eyes roved around, studying +the silver dishes on the various tables. + +"When you were a small boy, Captain Fanshawe, did you go out to +parties?" + +Captain Fanshawe knitted his brows. This charming girl was a little +difficult to follow conversationally; she leapt from one subject to +another with disconcerting agility. + +"Er--pardon me! Is that question put to me in my--er--private, or +imaginary capacity?" + +"Private, of course. But naturally you did. Did you have pockets?" + +"To the best of my remembrance I was disguised as a midshipmite, with +white duck trousers of a prodigious width. They used to crackle, I +remember. There was room for a dozen pockets." + +Claire laid her arms on the table, so that her face drew nearer his own. +Her voice fell to a stage whisper-- + +"Did you--ever--take--something--home?" + +The Captain threw back his head with a peal of laughter. + +"Miss Gifford, what a question! I was an ordinary human boy. _Of +course_ I did. And sat on my spoils in the carriage going back, and was +scolded for spoiling my clothes. I had a small brother at home." + +"Well--I have a small friend! She has letters after her name, and is +very learned and clever, but she has a _very_ sweet tooth. Do you +think, perhaps--in this bag--" + +"Leave it to me!" he said firmly, and when the waiter next appeared, he +received an order to bring more bon-bons--plenty of bon-bons--a +selection of all the small dainties in silver dishes. + +"He thinks I _am_ having a feast!" Claire said demurely, as she watched +the progress of selection; then she met Erskine Fanshawe's eyes, and +nodded in response to an unspoken question, "And I _am_! I'm having a +lovely time!" + +"I wish it were possible that you could oftener--" + +"Well, who knows? A week ago I had made up my mind that nothing +exciting would ever happen again, and then this invitation arrived. +What a perfect dear Miss Willoughby seems to be!" + +"Janet? She _is_!" he said warmly. "She is a girl who has had +everything the world can give her, and yet has come through unspoiled. +It's not often one can say that. Many society girls are selfish and +vain, but Janet never seems to think of herself. You'd find her an +ideal friend." + +Claire's brain leapt swiftly to several conclusions. Janet Willoughby +was devoted to Mrs Fanshawe; Mrs Fanshawe returned her devotion. +Janet Willoughby was rich, and of good birth. Mrs Fanshawe had +mentally adopted her as a daughter-in-law. Given the non-appearance of +a rival on the scene, her desire would probably be fulfilled, since such +sincere liking could easily ripen into love. Just for a moment Claire +felt a stab of that lone and lorn feeling which comes to solitary +females at the realisation of another's happiness; then she rallied +herself and said regretfully-- + +"I'm afraid I shan't have the chance! Our lives lie too far apart, and +my time is not my own. It is only an occasional Saturday-night that I +can play Cinderella." + +"What do you do on Sundays?" + +"Go to church in the morning, and sleep in the afternoon. Sounds +elderly, doesn't it? But I do enjoy that sleep. The hour after lunch +is the most trying of the school day. It's all I can do sometimes to +smother my yawns, and not upset the whole class. It's part of the +Sunday rest to be able to let go, lie down hugging a hot bottle, and +sleep steadily till it's time for tea." + +"Where do you go to church?" + +"Oh!" Claire waved an airy hand, "it depends! I've not settled down. +I am still trying which I like best." + +Across the table the two pairs of eyes met. The man's questioning, +protesting, the girl's steadily defiant. "Why won't you tell me?" came +the unspoken question. "Why won't you give me a chance?" + +"I am too proud," came the unspoken answer. "Your mother did not think +me good enough. I will accept no acquaintance by stealth." + +Interruption came in the shape of the waiter bearing a tray of little +silver dishes filled with dainties, which he proceeded to arrange in +rows on the table. Claire relapsed into giggles at the sight, and +Captain Fanshawe took refuge, man-like, in preternatural solemnity; but +he made no comment, and the moment that the man had disappeared, both +heads craned eagerly to examine the spoils. + +"Chocolates, _marrons glacis_, crystallised peaches, French bon-bons, +plums. I don't recognise them by head mark. These are too sticky... +These look uncommonly good!" The big fingers hovered over each dish in +turn, lifting sample specimens, and placing them on Claire's plate, +whence they were swiftly conveyed to her bag. Not a single sweetmeat +touched her own lips. The unconventionality of the action seemed to +receive some justification from the fact that she was confiscating only +her own share. When the waiter returned with ices, the little bag +bulged suspiciously, and the silver dishes were no longer required. The +waiter was ordered to carry them away, and plainly considered that some +people did not know what they wanted. + +"The only thing lacking is a cracker. I invariably purloined a cracker, +and doubled up the ends. I suppose we are hardly near enough to +Christmas. By the by, what are you doing for Christmas? You will have +holidays, of course," Captain Fanshawe said, with an elaborate +unconsciousness, and Claire kept her eyes on her plate. + +"I may go to Belgium. I haven't decided." + +"There seem to be a good many things you cannot--decide. Miss Gifford, +you haven't forgotten what I asked you?" + +"What did you ask?" + +"That if ever I could help--if you ever needed help--" + +"I shall want help badly during the next few weeks, when the +examinations come on, and I have all the papers to set and correct." + +Captain Fanshawe refused to smile. + +"The kind of help that a man can give--" + +"Yes, I remember. You were very kind, and I am still so much under the +influence of the old life that I do feel you might be a comfort; but no +doubt, after some more months of school-mistressing, I shall resent the +idea that a man could do any more than I could myself. So it's a case +of soon or never. You will hardly be cruel enough to wish to hasten my +extremity!" + +"I'm not so sure about that, if I could have the satisfaction of putting +things to rights!" + +It was while she was smiling her acknowledgment of this pretty speech +that Claire became conscious of Janet Willoughby's eyes bent searchingly +upon her. She had entered the room on the arm of her supper partner, +and came to a pause not a yard away from the table where a very +animated, apparently very intimate conversation was taking place between +the son of her old friend and the girl to whom she had believed him to +be unknown. As she met Claire's glance, Janet smiled automatically, but +the friendliness was gone from her glance. The next moment Captain +Fanshawe, had turned, seen her, and sprung to his feet. + +"Janet! Are you waiting for a table? We have nearly finished. Won't +you sit down and talk to Miss Gifford?" + +"Oh, please don't hurry... We'll find another place. You have met +before, then? I didn't know." + +"I saw Miss Gifford when she was befriending my mother at Liverpool +Street Station, and recognised her upstairs just now. Do sit down, +Janet. You look tired." + +Janet Willoughby took the offered chair and exchanged a few words with +Claire as she gathered together her possessions, but the subtle change +persisted. Claire felt vaguely disturbed, but the next half-hour passed +so pleasantly that she had no time to puzzle over the explanation. +Captain Fanshawe never left her side; they sat together on the same sofa +which Great-aunt Jane had monopolised for the earlier part of the +evening, and talked of many things, and discussed many problems, and +sometimes agreed, and oftener disagreed, and when they disagreed most +widely, looked into each other's eyes and smiled, as who should say, +"What do words matter? We understand!" + +At one o'clock Claire rose to depart, and said her adieu to her hostess +and her daughter, who were standing side by side. + +"My dear, it is too bad. I have had _no_ time with you, and I am so +grateful for the charming way in which you came to the rescue! We shall +hope to see you often again. Shan't we, Janet? You girls must arrange +a day which suits you both." + +"Oh, yes, we must!" Janet said, as she shook hands, but she made no +attempt to make the arrangement there and then, as her mother obviously +expected, and Claire realised, with a sinking of the heart, that a +promised friendship had received a check. + +When she descended to the hall wrapped in her filmy cloak it was to find +Captain Fanshawe waiting at the foot of the stairs. He looked worried +and grave, and the front door was reached before he made the first +remark. Then, lingering tentatively on the threshold, he looked down at +her with a searching glance. + +"Is--er--is your address still the Grand Hotel?" + +Claire's face set into firm lines. + +"Still the Grand Hotel!" + +For a moment he looked her steadily in the eyes, then said quietly-- + +"And my address is still the Carlton Club!" He bowed, and turned into +the house. + +The footman banged the door of the taxi, and stood awaiting +instructions. + +"T-wenty-two, Laburnum Crescent," said Claire weakly. Halfway through +the words a sudden obstacle arose in her throat. It was all she could +do to struggle through. She hoped to goodness the footman did not +notice. + +"There now! what did I tell you? You look fagged to death, and as cross +as two sticks. Five shillings wasted on taxis, and nothing for it but +getting thoroughly upset. Next time I hope you will take my advice!" +said Cecil, and took up her candle to grope her way up the dark stairway +to bed. + + + +CHAPTER TEN. + +NOWHERE TO GO. + +Cecil's observance of her day of licenced grumbling was somewhat +obstructed by the fact that for several weeks after Mrs Willoughby's At +Home, Monday mornings found her in a condition of excitement and gaiety. +It was a restless gaiety, which seemed to spring rather from the head +than the heart, and Claire looking on with puzzled eyes had an instinct +that her companion was assiduously whipping up her own spirits, playing +the part of happiness with all her force, with the object of convincing +the most critical of all audiences--her own heart! Life was a lonely +thing to Claire in these days, for Cecil went out regularly every +Saturday and Sunday, returning so late that the two girls did not meet +from lunch one day until breakfast the next. She vouchsafed no +explanation of her sudden plunge into society, neither beforehand when +she sat stitching at pathetic little pieces of finery, nor afterwards +when letting herself in with her latch-key she crept slowly to bed, +never deigning to enter Claire's room for one of those "tell-all-about- +it" _seances_ dear to a girl's heart. + +It was the sight of those pathetic little pieces of finery which first +suggested the idea of a man to Claire's mind. However dear and intimate +a woman friend may be, the prospect of meeting her does not inspire a +fellow-woman with sufficient energy to sit up until after midnight to +cover a shabby lace blouse with ninon, or to put a new silk collar and +cuffs on a half-worn coat. It is only the prospect of meeting the eyes +of some male creature, who in all probability will remain supremely +unconscious of the result, which stimulates such effort, and Claire, +noting Cecil's restless excitement, cast anxious thoughts towards the +particular man in this case. + +Was Sophie Blake correct in her deduction as to a previous unhappy +romance? Claire had no tangible grounds to lead her to a conclusion, +but instinct induced her to agree. Something beyond the troubles of her +professional life had gone towards warping a nature that was naturally +generous and warm. In imagination Claire lived over the pitiful +romance. Poor Cecil had been badly treated. Some selfish man had made +love to her, amusing his idle hours with the society of a pretty, clever +woman; he had never seriously intended marriage, but Cecil had believed +in his sincerity, had given him her whole heart, had dreamt dreams which +had turned the grey of life to gold. + +And then had come the end. How had the end come? Some day when they +were walking together, had he suddenly announced: "I am sailing to India +next month!" or, "We have been such capital friends, you and I. I +should like you to be the first to hear my news. I am engaged to be +married to the dearest girl in the world!" Then, because convention +decrees that when her heart is wounded a woman may make no moan, had +Cecil twisted her lips into a smile, and cried, "I am so glad to hear +it. I hope you will be very happy," while the solid earth rocked around +her? At such thoughts as these Claire flared with righteous anger. "If +that should ever happen to me, I wouldn't pretend! I wouldn't spare +him. I should look him straight in the face, and say, `And all this +time you have been pretending to love me.--I thank God that it _was_ +pretence. I thank God that He has preserved me from being the wife of +man who could act a double part!'" + +But perhaps there had been no real ending. Perhaps the man had simply +grown tired, and ceased to call, ceased to write. Oh, surely that would +be the greatest tragedy of all! Claire's quick brain summoned pictures +of Cecil creeping down the oil-clothed stairs in her dressing-gown at +the sound of the postman's earliest knock, and creeping back with no +letter in her hand; of Cecil entering the little parlour on her return +from work with a swift hungry look at the table on which the day's +letters were displayed; seeing no letter lying there; never, never the +letter for which she watched! And the days would pass, and the weeks, +and the months, and the old routine of life would go on just the same. +Whatever might be her private sufferings, the English mistress must be +at her post each morning at nine o'clock; she must wrestle all day with +the minds of dull girls, listless girls, clever girls, girls who were +eager to learn, and girls whose energies seemed condensed in the effort +to avoid learning at all. However sore might be the English mistress's +heart, it was her duty to be bright and alert; however exhausted her own +stock of patience, she must still be a female Job in her treatment of +her many pupils. A school-mistress must banish her individuality as a +woman on the threshold of the form-room; while on duty she must banish +every outside interest from her mind. No lying in bed, with her face to +the pillow; no weeping far into the night. Headache and swollen eyelids +are not for her. If her love-story goes wrong, she must lock her sorrow +in her own heart. What wonder if, as a result, her mind grows bitter +and her tongue grows sharp! + +"That's a lesson for me! I must never, never allow myself to fall in +love!" sighed Claire to herself. It was a depressing necessity, but +vaguely she allowed herself to dream of a distant Someday, when the ban +should be removed. Something might happen to set her free. Something +most certainly _would_ happen! Optimistic one-and-twenty is ready +enough to face a short term of renunciation, but it resolutely refuses +to believe in its continuance. + +A shadow fell over Claire's happy face as the practical application of +this resolve came into her mind. Erskine Fanshawe! At the moment he +was the one masculine figure on her horizon, but she did not disguise +from herself that of all the men she had met, he attracted her the most. +What a mercy that she had had the resolution to put a stop to a +friendship which might have ended in unfitting her for the work in hand! +It had been hard to refuse the desired information, but the fact that +the second refusal had been twice as hard as the first was in itself a +proof of the wisdom of her decision. And then, in illogical girlish +fashion, Claire fell to wondering if perchance Captain Fanshawe would +discover her address for himself? It would be the easiest of tasks, +since he had nothing to do but to put the question to Mrs Willoughby. +At one moment Claire openly hoped that he would; at the next she +recalled the expression on Janet Willoughby's face as she stood staring +across the supper room, and then she was not so sure. What if the +continuance of the friendship brought trouble on Janet as well as +herself? + +Laboriously Claire thrust the thought of Erskine Fanshawe from her mind, +but just because inclination would have led her to so blithely meet him, +she felt a keener sympathy with her companion's preparations for similar +meetings. + +The time of examinations had come, and night after night the dining- +table of the little parlour was littered with the sheets of foolscap +which were to test the progress of the pupils throughout the term. +Cecil's older forms had been studying _The Merchant of Venice, Richard +the Second_, and the _Essays of Elia_; the younger forms, _Tanglewood +Tales_ and Kingsley's _Heroes_. She had set the questions not only as a +test of memory, but with a view of drawing out original thought. But, +to judge from her groans and lamentations, the result was poor. + +"Of all the dull, stupid, unimaginative--_sheep_! Not an original idea +between them. Every answer exactly like the last--a hash-up of my own +remarks in class. If there's a creature on earth I despise more than +another, it's an English flapper. Silly, vain, egotistical--" + +Then the French mistress would scowl across the table, and say, "Now +you've put me out! I was just counting up my marks. Oh, do be quiet!" + +"Sorry!" Cecil would say shortly, and taking up her pencil slash +scathing comments at the side of the foolscap sheets. Anon she would +smile, and smile again, and forgetting Claire's request, would interrupt +once more. + +"Can you remember the name of Florence Mason?" + +"If I strain my intellect to its utmost, I believe I can." + +"Well, remember, then! It will be worth while. She'll do something-- +that girl. When you are an insignificant old woman, you may be proud to +boast that you used to sit at the very table on which her first English +essays were corrected." + +"So they are not all dull, stupid, unimaginative?" + +"The exception proves the rule!" cried Cecil, and swept the papers +together with a sigh of relief. "Done at last. Now for my blouse." + +Claire cast a glance at the clock. + +"Half-past ten. And you are so tired. Surely you won't begin to sew at +this hour?" + +"I must. I want it for Saturday. I tried it on last night, and it +wasn't a bit nice at the neck. I've got to alter it somehow." + +"I have some trimming upstairs. Just be quiet for five minutes, while I +finish my list, and then I'll bring down my scrap-box, and we'll see +what we can find." + +That scrap-box was in constant request during the next weeks. It was +filled with the dainty oddments which a woman of means and taste +collects in the course of years; trimmings and laces, and scraps of fine +brocades; belts and buckles, and buttons of silver and paste; glittering +ends of tinsel, ends of silk and ribbons that were really too pretty to +throw away, and cunning little motifs which had the magic quality of +disguising deficiencies and making both ends meet. Claire gave with a +lavish hand, and Cecil's gratitude was pathetic in its intensity. More +and more as the weeks passed on did she become obsessed with the craze +for decking herself in fine garments; new gloves, shoes, and veils were +purchased to supplement the home-made garments, and one memorable night +there arrived a large dress-box containing an evening dress and cloak. + +"I have been out so little these last years. I have no clothes to +wear," Cecil said in explanation. "It's not fair to--er--people, when +they take you about, to look as if you had come out of the Ark... And +these ready-made things are _so_ cheap!" + +She spoke with an air of excusing herself, and with a flush of +embarrassment on her cheeks, and Claire hastened to sympathise and +agree. She wondered if the embarrassment arose from the fact that for +the last two weeks Cecil had not paid her share of the joint expenses! +The omission had happened naturally enough, for on each occasion when +the landlady appeared with the bill, Cecil had been absent on one of her +now frequent excursions, when it had seemed the simplest thing to settle +in full, and await repayment next day. + +Repayment, however, had not come. Half a dozen times over Cecil had +exclaimed, "Oh, dear, there's that money. I _must_ remember!" but +apparently she never had remembered at a moment when her purse was at +hand. + +Claire was honestly indifferent. The hundred pounds which she had +deposited in a bank was considerably diminished, since it had been drawn +on for all her needs, but the term's salary would be paid in a short +time, and the thought of that, added to the remainder, gave her a +pleasant feeling of ease. It was only when for the third Saturday Cecil +hurried off with an air of fluster and embarrassment, that an unpleasant +suspicion arose. The weekly bill was again due, and Cecil had not +forgotten, she was only elaborately pretending to forget! Claire was +not angry, she was perfectly willing to play the part of banker until +the end of the term, but she hated the thought that Cecil was acting a +part, and deliberately trying to deceive. What if she had been +extravagant in her expenditure on clothes and had run herself short for +necessary expenses, there was nothing criminal in that! Foolish it +might be, but a fellow-girl would understand that, after being staid and +sensible for a long, long time, it was a blessed relief to the feminine +mind to have a little spell of recklessness for a change. Cecil had +only to say, "I've run myself horribly short. Can you pay up till I get +my screw?" and the whole matter would have been settled in a trice. But +to pretend to forget was so _mean_! + +The next morning after breakfast the vexed question of the Christmas +holidays came up for discussion for the twentieth time. Cecil had +previously stated that she always spent the time with her mother, but it +now appeared that to a certain extent she had changed her plans. + +"I shall have to go down over Christmas Day and the New Year, I suppose. +Old people make such a fuss over those stupid anniversaries, but I +shall come up again on the second. I prefer to be in town. We have to +pay for the rooms in any case, so we may as well use them." + +Claire's face lengthened. + +"_Pay_ for them! Even if we go away?" + +"Of course. What did you expect? The landlady isn't let off her own +rent, because we choose to take a holiday. There's no saving except for +the light and coal. By the way, I owe you for a third week now. I +_must_ remember! Have you decided what you are going to do?" + +Claire shook her head. It was a forlorn feeling that Christmas was +coming, and she had nowhere to go. Until now she had gone on in faith, +feeling sure that before the time arrived, some one would remember her +loneliness, and invite her if only for the day itself. Possibly Cecil +in virtue of three months' daily companionship would ask her mother's +permission to invite her friend, if only for a couple of days. Or +bright, friendly Sophie Blake, who had sympathised with her loneliness, +might have some proposition to make, or Mrs Willoughby, who was so +interested in girls who were working for themselves, or Miss +Farnborough, who knew that it was the French mistress's first Christmas +without her mother; but no such suggestion had been made. No one seemed +to care. + +"I must say it's _strange_ that no one has invited you!" said Cecil +sharply. "I don't think much of your grand friends if they can't look +after you on Christmas Day. What about the people in Brussels? Did no +one send you an invitation? If you lived there for three years, surely +you must know some one intimately enough to offer to go, even if they +don't suggest it." + +"It is not necessary, thank you," said Claire with an air. "I have an +open invitation to several houses, but I am saving up Brussels for +Easter, when the weather will be better, and it will be more of a +change. And I have an old grand-aunt in the North, but she is an +invalid, confined to her room. I should be an extra trouble in the +house. I shall manage to amuse myself somehow. It will be an +opportunity for exploring London." + +"Oh well," Cecil said vaguely, "when I come back!" but she spoke no word +of Christmas Day. + +The next week brought the various festivities with which Saint +Cuthbert's celebrated the end of the Christmas term. There was a school +dance in the big class-room, a Christmas-tree party, given to the +children in an East End parish, and last and most important of all the +breaking-up ceremony in the local Town Hall, when an old girl, now +developed into a celebrated authoress, presented the prizes, and gave an +amusing account of her own schooldays, which evoked storms of applause +from the audience, even Miss Farnborough smiling benignly at the recital +of misdoings which would have evoked her sternest displeasure on the +part of present-day pupils! Then the singing-class girls sang a short +cantata, and the eldest girls gave a scene from Shakespeare, very dull +and exceedingly correct, and the youngest girls acted a little French +play, while the French mistress stood in the wings, ready to prompt, her +face very hot, and her feet very cold, and her heart beating at express +speed. + +This moment was a public test of her work during the term, and she had a +horror that the children would forget their parts and disgrace their +leader as well as themselves. She need not have feared, however, for +the publicity which she dreaded was just the stimulus needed to spur the +juvenile actors to do their very best, and they shrugged, they +gesticulated, they rolled their r's, they reproduced Claire's own little +mannerisms with an _aplomb_ which brought down the house. Claire's lack +of teaching experience might make her less sound on rules and routine, +but it was obvious that she had succeeded in one important point; she +had lifted "French" from the level of a task, and converted it into a +living tongue. + +Miss Farnborough was very gracious in her parting words to her new +mistress. + +"I have not come to my present position without learning to trust my +perceptions," said she. "I recognised at once that you possessed the +true teaching instinct, and to-day you have justified my choice. I have +had many congratulations on your pupils' performance." Then she held +out her hand with a charming smile. "I hope you will have very pleasant +holidays!" + +She made no inquiries as to the way in which this young girl was to +spend her leisure. She herself was worn-out with the strain of the long +term, and when the morrow came she intended to pack her bag, and start +off for a sunny Swiss height, where for the next few weeks it would be +her chief aim to forget that she had ever seen a school. But the new +French mistress turned away with a heavy heart. It seemed at that +moment as if nobody cared. + +That year Christmas fell on a Monday. On the Saturday morning Cecil +packed up her bag, and departed, grumbling, for her week at home. +Before she left, Claire presented her with a Christmas gift in the shape +of a charming embroidered scarf, and Cecil kissed her, and flushed, and +looked at the same time pleased and oppressed, and hastily pulling out +her purse extracted two sovereigns and laid them down on the table. + +"I keep forgetting that money! Three weeks, wasn't it? There's two +pounds; let me know the rest when I come back and I'll settle up. +Christmas is an awful time. The money simply melts." + +Claire had an uncomfortable and wholly unreasonable feeling of being +paid for her present as she put the two sovereigns in her purse. Cecil +had given her no gift, and the lack of the kindly attention increased +the feeling of desolation with which she returned to her empty room. +Even the tiniest offering to show that she had been thought of, would +have been a comfort! + +The landlady came into the room to remove the luncheon tray, her lips +pursed into an expression which her lodger recognised as the preliminary +to "a bit of my mind." When the outlying cruets and dishes had been +crowded together in a perilous pile, the bit of her mind came out. + +"I was going to say, miss, that of course you will arrange to dine out +on Christmas Day. I never take ladies as a rule, but Miss Rhodes, she +said, being teachers, you would be away all holiday time. I never had a +lodger before who stayed in the house over Christmas, and of course you +must understand that we go over to Highgate to my mother's for the day +and the girl goes out, and I couldn't possibly think of cooking--" + +"Don't be afraid, Mrs Mason. I am going out for the day." + +Mrs Mason lifted the tray and carried it out of the room, shutting the +door behind her by the skilful insertion of a large foot encased in a +cashmere boot, and Claire stood staring at her, wondering if it were +really her own voice which had spoken those last words, and from what +source had sprung the confidence which had suddenly flooded her heart. +At this last blow of all, when even the little saffron-coloured parlour +closed the door against her, the logical course would have been to +collapse into utter despair, instead of which the moment had brought the +first gleam of hope. + +"Now," said the voice in her heart, "everyone has failed me. I am +helpless, I am alone. This is God's moment. I will worry no more, but +leave it to Him. Something will open for me when the time arrives!" + +She went upstairs, put on her hat, and sallied out into the busy +streets. All the world was abroad, men and women and small eager +children all bent on the same task, thronging the shops to the doors, +waiting in rows for the favour of being served, emerging triumphant with +arms laden with spoils. On every side fragments of the same +conversation floated to the ears. "What can I get for Kate?" + +"I can't think what in the world to buy for John." + +"Do try to give me an idea what Rose would like!..." + +Claire mingled with the throng, pushed her way towards the crowded +counters, waited a preposterous time for her change, and then hurried +off to another department to go through the same struggle once more. +Deliberately she threw herself into the Christmas feeling, turning her +thoughts from herself, considering only how she could add to the general +happiness. She bought presents for everybody, for the cross landlady, +for the untidy servant girl, for Sophie Blake, and Flora Ross, for the +maid at Saint Cuthbert's who waited upon the Staff-Room, with a +selection of dainty oddments for girl friends at Brussels, and when the +presents themselves had been secured she bought prettily tinted paper, +and fancy ribbons, and decorated name cards for the adornment of the +parcels. + +The saffron parlour looked quite Christmas-like that evening, and Claire +knew a happy hour as she made up her gifts in their dainty wrappings. +They looked so gay and seasonable that she decided to defer putting them +into the sober outer covering of brown paper as long as possible. They +were all the Christmas decoration she would have! + +On Sunday morning the feeling of loneliness took an acute turn. Claire +longed for a church which long association had made into a home; for a +clergyman who was also a friend; for a congregation of people who knew +her, and cared for her well-being, instead of the long rows of strange +faces. She remembered how Cecil had declared that in London a girl +might attend the same church for years on end, and never hear a word of +welcome, and hope died low in her breast. The moment of exaltation had +passed, and she told herself drearily that on Christmas afternoon she +must take a book and sit by the fire in the waiting-room of some great +station, dine at a restaurant, and perhaps go to a concert at night. + +For weeks past Claire had been intending to go to a West End church to +hear one of the finest of modern preachers. She decided to go this +morning, since the length of journey now seemed rather an advantage than +a drawback, as helping to fill up another of the long, dragging hours. + +She dressed herself with the care and nicety which was the result of her +French training, and which had of late become almost a religious duty, +for the study of the fifteen women who daily assembled round the table +in the Staff-Room was as a danger signal to warn new-comers of the +perils ahead. With the one exception of Sophie Blake, not one of the +number seemed to make any effort to preserve their feminine charm. They +dressed their hair in the quickest and easiest fashion without +considering the question of appearance; they wore dun-coloured garments +with collars of the same material; though severely neat, all their +skirts seemed to suffer from the same depressing tendency to drop at the +back; their bony wrists emerged from tightly-buttoned sleeves. The +point of view adopted was that appearance did not matter, that it was +waste of time to consider the adornment of the outer woman. Brain was +the all-important factor; every possible moment must be devoted to the +cultivation of brain; but an outsider could not fail to note that, with +this destroying of a natural instinct, something which went deeper than +the surface was also lost; with the grace of the body certain feminine +graces of soul died also, and the world was poorer for their loss. + +The untidy servant maid peered out of the window to watch Claire as she +left the house that morning, and evolved a whole feuilleton to account +for the inconsistency of her appearance with her position as a first +floor front. "You'd take her for a lady to look at her! P'raps she +_is_ a lady in disguise!" and from, this point the making of the +feuilleton began. + +The service that morning was food to Claire's hungering soul, for the +words of the preacher might have been designed to meet her own need. As +she listened she realised that the bitterness of loneliness was +impossible to one who believed and trusted in the great, all-compassing +love. Sad one might still be, so long as the human heart demanded a +human companionship, but the sting of feeling uncared for, could never +touch a child of God. She took the comfort home to her heart, and +stored it there to help her through the difficult time ahead, and on her +knees at the end of the service she sent up her own little petition for +help. + +"There are so many homes in this great city! Is there no home for me on +Christmas Day?" With the words the tears sprang, and Claire mopped her +eyes with her handkerchief, thankful that she was surrounded by +strangers by whom her reddened eyes would pass unnoticed. Then rising +to her feet, she turned to lift the furs which hung on the back of the +pew, and met the brown eyes of a girl who had been sitting behind her +the whole of the service. + +The girl was Janet Willoughby. + + + +CHAPTER ELEVEN. + +ENTER MAJOR CAREW. + +In the street outside the church door the two girls shook hands and +exchanged greetings. Janet wore a long fur coat, and a toque of dark +Russian sable, with a sweeping feather at one side. The price of these +two garments alone would equal the whole of Claire's yearly salary, but +it had the effect of making the wearer look clumsy and middle-aged +compared with the graceful simplicity of the other's French-cut costume. +Janet Willoughby was not thinking of clothes at that moment, however; +she was looking at reddened eyelids, and remembering the moment when she +had seen a kneeling figure suddenly shaken with emotion. The sight of +those tears had wiped away the rankling grudge which had lain at her +heart since the evening of her mother's At Home, and revived the warm +liking which at first sight she had taken to this pretty attractive +girl. + +"Which way are you going? May I walk with you? It's just the morning +for a walk. I hope it will keep cold and bright over Christmas. It's +so inappropriate when it's muggy. Last year we were in Switzerland, but +mother is old-fashioned, and likes to have the day at home, so this time +we don't start till the new year. You are not going sporting by any +chance?" + +"I'm not!" said Claire, and, for all her determination, could not resist +a grimace, so far from sporting seemed the prospect ahead. Janet caught +the grimace, and smiled in sympathy, but the next moment her face +sobered. + +"But I hope you _are_ going to have jolly holidays?" + +"Oh, I hope so. Oh, yes, I mean to enjoy them very much," Claire said +valiantly, and swiftly turned the subject. "Where do you go in +Switzerland?" + +"Saint Moritz. We've gone there for years--a large party of friends. +It has become quite a yearly reunion. It's so comfy to have one's own +party, and be independent of the other hoteliers. They may be quite +nice, of course, but then, again, they may not. I feel rather mean +sometimes when I see a new arrival looking with big eyes at our merry +table. Theoretically, I think one _ought_ to be nice to new-comers in +an hotel. It's such a pelican-in-the-wilderness feeling. I'd hate it +myself, but practically I'm afraid I'm not particularly friendly. We +are so complete that we don't want outsiders. They'd spoil the fun. +Don't you think one is justified in being a little bit selfish at +Christmas-time?" + +Claire laughed, her old, happy, gurgling laugh. It warmed her heart to +have Janet Willoughby's companionship once more. + +"It isn't exactly the orthodox attitude, is it? Perhaps you will be +more justified this year, after you have got through your Christmas +duties at home." + +"Yes! That's a good idea. I _shall_, for it was pure unselfishness +which prevented me running away last week with the rest of the party. +Mother would have given in if I'd persisted, and I wanted to so +dreadfully badly." She sighed, and looked quite dejected, but Claire +remained unmoved. + +"I don't pity you one bit. You have only a week to wait. That's not a +great trial of patience!" + +"Oh, yes, it is.--Sometimes!" said Janet with an emphasis which gave the +words an added eloquence. + +Claire divined at once that Switzerland had an attraction apart from +winter sports--an attraction centred in some individual member of the +merry party. Could it by any chance be Erskine Fanshawe? She longed to +ask the question. Not for a hundred pounds would she have asked the +question. She hoped it was Captain Fanshawe. She hoped Janet would +have a lovely time. Some girls had everything. Some had nothing. It +was unfair--it was cruel. Oh, dear, what was the use of going to +church, and coming out to have such mean, grudging thoughts? Janet +Willoughby too! Such a dear! She deserved to be happy. Claire forced +a smile, and said bravely-- + +"It will be all the nicer for waiting." + +"It couldn't be nicer," Janet replied. + +Then she looked in the other girl's face, and it struck her that the +pretty eyelids had taken an additional shade of red, and her warm heart +felt a throb of compunction. "Grumbling about my own little bothers, +when she had so much to bear--hateful of me! I've been mean not to ask +her again; mother wanted to; but she's so pretty. I admired her so much +that I was afraid--other people might too! But she was crying; I saw +her cry. Perhaps she is lonely, and it's my fault--" + +"What do you generally do on Sundays?" she asked aloud. "There are lots +of other mistresses at your school, aren't there? I suppose you go +about together, and have tea at each other's rooms in the afternoon, and +sit over the fire at night and talk, and brew cocoa, as the girls do in +novels. It all sounds so interesting. The girls are generally rather +plain and very learned; but there is always one among them who is like +you. I don't mean that you are not learned--I'm sure you are--but--er-- +pretty, you know, and attractive, and fond of things! And all the +others adore her, and are jealous if she is nicer to one than to the +others..." + +Claire grimaced again, more unrestrainedly than before. + +"That's not my part. I wish it were. I could play it quite well. The +other mistresses are quite civil and pleasant, but they don't hanker +after me one bit. With two exceptions, the girl I live with, and one +other, I have not spoken to one of them out of school hours. I don't +even know where most of them live." + +Janet's face lengthened. Suddenly she turned and asked a sharp direct +question: + +"Where are you going on Christmas Day?" + +Pride and weakness struggled together in Claire's heart, and pride won. +She would _not_ pose as an object of pity! + +"Oh, I'm going--out!" said she with an air, but Janet Willoughby was not +to be put off so easily as that. Her brown eyes sent out a flash of +light. She demanded sternly: + +"Where?" + +"Really--" Claire tossed her head with the air of a duchess who was so +overburdened with invitations that she found it impossible to make a +choice between them. "Really, don't you know, I haven't quite +decided--" + +"Claire Gifford, you mean, horrid girl, don't dare to quibble! You are +going nowhere, and you know it. Nobody has invited you for Christmas +Day; that's why you were crying just now--because you had nowhere to go. +And you would have gone away this morning, and said nothing, and sat +alone in your rooms... I call it _mean_! Talk of the spirit of +Christmas! It's an insult to me and to mother. How do you suppose we +should have felt if we'd found out _afterwards_?" + +"W-what else could I do? How could I tell you?" stammered Claire, +blushing. "It would have seemed such a barefaced _hint_, and I detest +hints. And really why should you have felt bad? I'm a stranger. +You've only seen me once. There could be no blame on you. There's no +blame on anyone. It just happens that it doesn't quite fit in to visit +friends at a distance, and in town--well! I'm a stranger, you see. I +_have_ no friends!" + +Janet set her lips. + +"Just as a matter of curiosity I should like to know exactly what you +_were_ going to do? You said, I believe, that you were going out. And +now you say you had nowhere to go. Both statements can't be true--" + +"Oh, yes, they can. I have nowhere to go, but I had to find somewhere, +because my good landlady is going to her mother's at Highgate, and +disapproves of lodgers who stay in on Christmas Day. She gave me notice +that I must go out as the house would be locked up." + +"But where--what--where _could_ you go?" + +"I thought of a restaurant and a concert, and a station waiting-room to +fill in the gaps. Quite comfortable, you know. They have lovely fires, +and with a nice book--" + +"If you don't stop this minute I shall begin to cry--here, in the open +street!" cried Janet hotly. "Oh, you poor dear, you poor dear! A +station waiting-room. I never heard of anything so piteous. Oh, how +thankful I am that I met you! Tell me honestly, was it about that that +you were crying?" + +"Y-yes, it was. I was saying a little prayer and trying not to feel +lonesome, and then I looked round and saw--you." + +"End of volume one!" cried Janet briskly. "No more waiting-rooms, my +dear. You must come to us for the whole of Christmas Day. I wish I +could ask you to stay, but we are chock-a-block with cousins and aunts. +I'll come round in my car in time to take you to church, and send you +back at night after the Highgate revels are over. We can't offer you +anything very exciting, I'm afraid--just an old-fashioned homey +gathering." + +"It's just what I want. I am thirsty for a home; but your mother--what +will she say? Will she care for a stranger--" + +"Mother says what I say," Janet declared with the assurance of an only +daughter. "And she'll say in addition, `What a blessing! She'll +whistle for us, and amuse Aunt Jane.' Did you realise that Aunt Jane +was coming? She's generally _very_ cross all day, and makes a point of +giving away her presents to other members of the party under the very +noses of the givers, to let them see what she thinks of their choice. +The great idea is to sit down by her quickly when you see her begin to +fumble with something you would like to have. I got quite a nice bag +that way last Christmas!" + +Presents! That was another idea. Claire went home mentally reviewing +her own treasures with a view to selecting some trifle which Janet in +the midst of her plenty might still be glad to receive. She decided on +a silver clasp of quaint Breton manufacture, which had the merit that in +the whole of London it would be impossible to purchase another to match. + +Claire returned to her room in a frame of mind vastly different from +that in which she had started forth. Her buoyant spirits soared upwards +at the prospect of a Christmas spent in the midst of a happy family +party, and all the difficulties of life seemed to dissolve into thin +air, since, after the providential meeting just vouchsafed, it seemed +faithless to doubt that future difficulties would be solved in the same +way. + +She intended to devote the afternoon to writing a long letter to her +mother, which had been delayed owing to her recent depression of +spirits, for it seemed cruel to write in a pessimistic strain to the +happy bride, who now, more than ever, saw everything _couleur de rose_. +Mrs Judge's present had arrived the week before, in the shape of a +richly embroidered Indian table-cloth, for which her daughter had as +much use as she herself would have found for a fur rug. To use it in +the saffron parlour was a sheer impossibility, for every separate +article of furniture shrieked at it, and it shrieked at them in return; +so Claire folded it away at the bottom of her box, reflecting, between a +sigh and a smile, that the choice was "just like mother." It was not +agreeable to the bride to picture her daughter living in an ugly +lodging-house parlour, so she had mentally covered the ugliness beneath +the gorgeous embroidery of that cloth, and happily dismissed the subject +from her mind. At the time of the opening of the parcel, Claire had +felt a sense of sharp disappointment, amounting even to irritation, but +this morning she could see the humour of the situation, and she chuckled +softly to herself as she walked homeward, rehearsing words of thanks +that would be at once cordial and truthful. "Just what I wanted," was +plainly out of the question; "So useful" was also ruled out, but she +could honestly admire the workmanship of the cloth, and enlarge on the +care with which it should be preserved! It was an easy task to satisfy +a correspondent who was eager to interpret words into the meaning most +agreeable to herself! + +Claire entered the house prepared to devote herself to writing letters +to absent friends, but the excitements of the day were not yet over, for +the little maid met her on the threshold with the exciting intelligence +that a gentleman was in the parlour waiting to see her. + +The feuilleton made an exciting leap forward, as Lizzie watched the +blood rush into the "first floor's" cheeks, and ebb away suddenly, +leaving her white and tense. "Struck all of a heap, like! I shouldn't +have thought meself as she'd look at him! Queer thing, love!" +soliloquised Lizzie, as she clumped down the kitchen stairs, and +returned to her superintendence of Sunday's "jint." + +The "first floor" meanwhile stood motionless in the oil-clothed hall, +struggling to regain self-possession before turning the handle of the +door. A gentleman waiting to see her! Who could the gentleman be? But +at the bottom of her heart Claire believed the question to be +superfluous, for there was only one "gentleman" who could possibly come. +Captain Fanshawe had found out her address, and it was Christmas-time, +when a visitor was justified in counting on a hospitable reception. At +Christmas-time it would be churlish for a hostess to deny a welcome. +Every pulse in Claire's body was throbbing with anticipation as she +flung open that door. + +The visitor was standing with his back towards her, bending low to +examine a photograph on the mantelpiece. At the sound of her entrance +he straightened himself and wheeled round, and at the sight of his face +Claire's heart dropped heavy as lead. They stood for a moment staring +in a mutual surprise, the girl's face blank with disappointment, the +man's brightening with interest. + +He was a tall, thickly-set man, trim and smart in his attire, yet with a +coarseness of feature which aroused Claire's instant antagonism. +Compared with the face she had expected to see, the florid good looks +which confronted her were positively repugnant. Before the obvious +admiration of the black eyes she stiffened in displeasure. + +"You wished to see me?" + +"Miss Gifford, I believe! I called about a little matter of a parcel +for Miss Rhodes. To be sent on. I wanted to ask if you--" + +"Oh, certainly! I shall be delighted." + +Claire thawed at the prospect of a present for Cecil, but could it be +possible that it was this man with the flushed cheeks, and harsh, +uncultivated voice, who had so revolutionised Cecil's life! Could it be +for the delectation of those bold eyes that she had worked far into the +night, contriving her pitiful fineries? Claire's instinctive dislike +was so strong that she would not seat herself and so give an opportunity +for prolonging the interview; she crossed the room to a bureau that +stood in the corner, and took a slip of paper from one of the pigeon- +holes. + +"Perhaps it would be simpler if I gave you the address?" + +The man laughed complacently. + +"No need, thank you, I've got it all right, but it's safer not to write. +The old lady, you know! Parcel coming in for her daughter addressed in +a man's writing--no end of fuss and questioning. You know what old +ladies are! Never satisfied till they've ferreted to the bottom of +everything that comes along. It's not good enough, that sort of thing, +but she'll expect a present. It's all stamped and made up, if you'll be +good enough just to address it, and slip it into the post to-morrow." + +He put his hand in his pocket as he spoke and drew out a little package +some two inches square, the sort of package which might contain an +article of jewellery, such as a brooch or ring. Could it by any chance +be an engagement ring? Claire's blood shuddered as she took the little +packet and dropped it quietly on the bureau. + +"Certainly I will post it. Do you wish it registered?" + +He looked at her sharply as though suspicious of an under-meaning to the +inquiry, then, meeting the glance of her clear eyes, had the grace to +look ashamed. + +"N-no. No! It is not worth while. A trifle, just a trifle--Christmas, +you know--must do the proper thing!" He mumbled vaguely the while he +collected his hat and gloves, the aloofness in Claire's attitude making +it impossible to prolong the interview; but as he held out his hand in +farewell, his self-possession returned. He laughed meaningly, and +said-- + +"Odd, you know; I imagined that you were quite old! Miss Rhodes gave me +that impression. Nothing definite, you know; no false statements; just +the way she spoke. Clever of her, what?--very clever! Knew better than +to spoil her own game!" + +If looks could have slain, the saffron parlour would have seen a dead +man at that moment. Claire withdrew her hand, and surreptitiously +rubbed it against her skirt. She would not condescend to notice that +last remark. + +"I'll post the parcel to-morrow. Perhaps you will tell me your name, as +I shall have to explain." + +He drew out a pocket-book and extracted a card. Claire dropped it +unread upon the table, and bowed stiffly in farewell. The next moment +he was gone, and she could satisfy her curiosity unseen. Then came +surprise number two, for the card bore the inscription, "Major J.F. +Carew," and in the corner two well-remembered words, "Carlton Club." An +officer in the Army--who would have thought it! He was emphatically not +a gentleman; he was rough, coarse, mannerless, yet he was in a position +which would bring him into intimate association with gentle people; by a +strange coincidence, he might know, he almost certainly would know, the +man whom she had expected to see in his stead--Erskine Fanshawe himself! +They could never be friends, but they would meet, they would sit in the +same rooms, they would exchange occasional remarks. Claire's mood of +intolerable disgust changed suddenly into something strangely +approaching envy of this big rough man! Christmas morning brought Janet +bright and early, to find Claire standing at the window ready to rush +out the moment the car stopped at the door. It felt delightfully +luxurious to seat herself on the springy cushions, draw the fur rug over +her knees, and feel the warmth of a hot tin beneath her feet. + +"_Wasn't_ it lacerating?" Janet cried. "Just as I was starting the +parcel post arrived, and there were about half-a-dozen parcels for me +from Saint Moritz! There was no time to open them, and I simply die to +know what's inside. I care about those presents more than anything +else. We had our family presents this morning. Mother gave me this." +She opened her coat to show a glittering crescent. "Quite pretty, isn't +it, but I'd rather have had pearls. That's the worst of Christmas +presents, you so seldom get what you want. Half the time you feel more +disappointed than pleased. People cling to the idea that they ought to +give you a surprise, and you _are_ surprised, but not in the way they +expect. I have given mother thousands of hints about pearls. Ah, +well!" She hooked the coat with an air of resignation. "We must take +the will for the deed. Have you had nice things?" + +"My mother sent me a very handsome present," Claire said demurely. She +had no personal agitations about the day's post; but she did feel +interested in the thought of those parcels from Switzerland which lay +awaiting Janet Willoughby's return. Half eager, half shrinking, she +looked forward to seeing their contents. + +It was in Janet's dainty boudoir that the unpacking took place. The two +girls went straight upstairs on their return from church, and there, on +a gate-legged table, lay the pile of parcels which had arrived by the +morning's delivery. Janet pounced upon the Swiss packets, and cut the +fastenings with eager haste. From across the room Claire watched her +eager face as she read the inscriptions one by one. As she neared the +end of the pile, the eagerness became tinged with anxiety; she picked up +the last parcel of all, and the light died out of her face. + +Claire turned aside and affected to be absorbed in examining the +contents of an old cabinet, and Janet moved to the nearer side of the +table so that her face was hidden from view; after a few minutes of +silence, she broke the silence in a voice of forced lightness. + +"Won't you come and look at my trophies? Switzerland is not a very +happy hunting-ground, for there is so little variety to be had. That's +my fifth carved chalet, and about the seventeenth bear. Rather a dear, +though, isn't he? Such a nice man sent it--one of the nicest of men. +That's his photograph on the mantelpiece." + +Claire looked, met a straight keen glance which lived in her memory, and +felt a tingle of blood in her cheeks. Janet's eyes followed hers, and +she said quickly-- + +"Not that; that's Erskine Fanshawe. He is a casual person, and doesn't +go in for presents. He hasn't even troubled to send a card. I meant +the man in the leather frame. He always remembers. I do like that, in +a man! They are all good enough in an emergency, but so few of them +think of the nice _little_ things!" Janet sighed, and dropped the +carved wooden bear on to the table. However much she might appreciate +the donor's thoughtfulness, it had not had a cheering effect. The light +had died out of her eyes, and she turned over the various trophies +without a trace of the enthusiasm with which she had torn open the +parcel. Claire standing beside her felt torn between sympathy and a +guilty sense of relief. She was sorry for Janet's obvious +disappointment, but she was also (it was a dog-in-the-manger feeling, +for how could it possibly affect herself?) _relieved_ that Captain +Fanshawe was not the donor of the bear! + +As the two girls stood together turning over the little collection of +carved toys, Claire slipped her hand through Janet's arm with an +affectionate pressure, which was an outward apology for the inward +disloyalty, and Janet stretched out her own hand to clasp it with +unexpected fervour. + +"Oh, I am glad you are here! I'm glad to have another girl! Girls +understand. I wish I hadn't opened those horrid old parcels. It's just +as I said--presents are disappointing. Now I feel thoroughly humped and +dumpy! It's so stupid, too, for I know quite well that I've every sane +reason to be pleased. How exasperating it is that one's head and one's +heart so seldom agree!" + +Claire gave the plump arm another squeeze, but made no further answer. +She was afraid to show how well she understood. Janet would forget her +hasty words, and believe that her secret was locked within her own +breast; but the other girl realised the position as clearly as if she +had been told in so many words--"I am in love with one man, and another +man is in love with me. I am throwing away the substance for the +shadow!" + +"Ah, well, such is life!" continued Janet, sighing. "Now I'm supposed +to go downstairs and be the life of the party! How I do dislike family +parties! Mother says it's the ideal thing for relations to gather +together for Christmas Day, but I've been gathered together for so +_many_ years!" + +"You are too well-off, my dear, that's what's the matter! I have never +met a girl before who had so much to make her happy, and yet you are not +satisfied. How would you like to be a High School-mistress living in +poky lodgings, not able to have a holiday because she can't afford two +rents, and getting only one present all told?" + +Janet looked at her quickly. + +"Have you had only one?" + +"I said _a_ High School-mistress, not any special mistress, but I will +be definite if you like. How would you like to be _Me_?" + +Janet turned suddenly, laid her free hand on Claire's shoulder, and +stared deeply into her face. + +"I--don't--know!" she said slowly. "Sometimes I think it's just what I +should like. I have a great deal, but you have more. Look at our two +faces in that glass!" + +She drew Claire round so that they stood in front of the Chippendale +mirror over the mantelpiece, from whence a row of pictured faces stared +back, as though stolidly sitting in judgment. The clear tints of +Claire's skin made Janet look sallow and faded, the dark curve of her +eyebrows under the sweep of gold brown hair, the red lips and deeply +cleft chin, made Janet's indeterminate features look insignificant, the +brown eyes seemed the only definite feature in her face, and they were +clouded with depression. + +"Look at yourself," she said deeply, "and look at me!" + +It was an awkward moment, and Claire shrugged uncomfortably. + +"But my face is--it has to be--my fortune!" + +"Oh, beauty! I wasn't thinking of beauty," Janet cried unexpectedly. +"You are very pretty, of course, but heaps of girls are pretty. It's +something more--I suppose it is what is called Charm. When people see +you once, they remember you; they want to see you again. You make a +place for yourself. I am one in a crowd. People like me well enough +when they are with me, but--they forget!" + +"And I never meet anyone to remember. We're two love-lorn damsels, and +this is Merrie Christmas. Would you have thought it?" cried Claire, and +that wrought the desired effect, for Janet awoke with a shock to her +responsibilities as hostess, and led the way downstairs to join the rest +of the house-party. + +The rest of the day was spent in conventional English fashion in a +praiseworthy effort to sustain spirits at concert pitch, and keep up a +continuous flow of gaiety, a mountainous task when guests are brought +together by claims of birth, without consideration as to suitability! +Mrs Willoughby's party consisted of four distinct elements; there were +Great-aunt Jane, and second cousin William, two octogenarians, who for +health's sake dined early all the year round, and sipped a cup of Benger +at eight, but who dauntlessly tackled sausages and plum pudding on +Christmas Day, and suffered for it for a week to come. There were Mr +and Mrs Willoughby, and two cousin husbands and their wives, and a +spinster aunt to represent the next generation, then came sweet and +twenty as represented by Janet and Claire, followed by Reginald of Eton, +on whom they looked down as a mere boy, the while he in his turn +disdained to notice the advances of two curly-headed cousins of nine and +ten! Claire enjoyed herself because it was in her nature to enjoy, and +it felt good to be once more in a beautiful, well-appointed home, among +friends; but driving home in the taxi she yawned persistently from one +door to the other. It was dreadfully tiring work being pleasant at the +same time to the whole five ages of man! + +With the opening of the door of the saffron parlour came an end of +sleepiness, for on the table lay a square parcel, and the parcel bore +the same stamp, the same markings which she had seen duplicated in Janet +Willoughby's boudoir! Red as a rose was Claire as she stared at the +bold masculine writing of the address, tore open the wrappings of the +box, and drew forth a carved cuckoo clock with the well-known chalet +roof and long pendulum and chains. It was an exquisite specimen of its +kind, the best that could be obtained, but for the moment Claire had no +attention to spare for the gift itself; she was absorbed in hunting +among the paper and straw for a card which should settle the identity of +the donor. Not a line was to be found. Pink deepened to crimson on +Claire's cheeks. + +"Who in the world could have sent it? Who _could_ it be?" She played +at bewilderment, but in spite of herself the dimples dipped. "Now how +in the world has he found out my address?" asked Claire of herself. + +For the next week Claire experienced the sensation of being "alone in +London." From the evening of Christmas Day until Cecil returned on +January 2nd, not one friendly word did she hear; she walked abroad among +a crowd of unknown faces, she returned to a solitary room. + +Miss Farnborough was spending the Christmas abroad; the other mistresses +were either visiting or entertaining relations, the ladies of the +committee were presumably making merry each in her own sphere. It was +no one's business to look after the new member of the staff out of term +time, and no one troubled to make it her business. + +The only friendly sound which reached Claire's ears during those days +was the striking of the cuckoo clock, as a minute before every hour a +sliding door flew open, and a little brown bird popped out and piped the +due number of cuckoos in a clear, sweet note. Claire loved that little +bird; the sight of him brought a warmth to her heart, which was as +sunshine lighting up the grey winter days. Someone had remembered! +Someone had cared! In the midst of a merry holiday, time and thought +had been spared for her benefit. + +The presence of the cuckoo clock preserved Claire from personal +suffering, but during that silent week there was borne in upon her a +realisation of the loneliness of the great city which was never +obliterated. A girl like herself, coming to London without +introductions, might lead this desert life, not for a week alone, but +for _years_! Her youth might fade, might pass away, she might grow +middle-aged and old, and still pass to and fro through crowded street, +unnoted, uncared for, unknown beyond the boundaries of the schoolroom or +the office walls. A working-woman was as a rule too tired and too poor +to join societies, or take part in social work which would lead to the +making of friends; she was dependent on the thoughtfulness of her +leisured sisters, and the leisured sisters were too apt to forget. They +invited their own well-off friends, exhausted themselves in organising +entertainments which were often regarded as bores pure and simple, and +cast no thought to the lonely women sitting night after night in +lodging-house parlours. "If I am ever rich--if I ever have a home, I'll +remember!" Claire vowed to herself. "I'll take a little trouble, and +_find out_! I couldn't do a hundredth or a thousandth part of what +ought to be done, but I'd do my share!" Cecil announced her return for +the evening of January 2nd, and remindful of the depressing influence of +her own arrival, Claire exerted herself to make the room look as +homelike as possible, and arranged a dainty little meal on a table +spread with a clean cloth and decorated with a bowl of holly and +Christmas roses. At the first sound of Cecil's voice she ran out into +the hall, hugged her warmly, and relieved her of a bundle of packages of +all sorts and sizes. + +"You look a real Mother Christmas hidden behind parcels. What are they +all? Trophies? You _have_ come off well! It is lovely to see you +back. If you'd stayed away the whole time I think I should have grown +dumb. My tongue would have withered from sheer lack of use. I never +realised before how much I love to talk. I do hope you feel sociable. +I want to talk and talk for hours at a time, and to hear _you_ talk, +too." + +"Even to grumble?" + +Claire grinned eloquently. + +"Oh, well--if you _must_, but it would be rather mean, wouldn't it, +after a holiday, and when I've got everything so nice? I am driven to +praise myself, because _you_ take no notice." + +"You have given me no time. You chatter so that no one else can get in +a word." Cecil took off hat and gloves, and threw them down on the +sofa. "I must say your looks don't pity you. You look as if you had +been enjoying yourself all right. That kettle's boiling! I'm dying for +a cup of tea! Let's have it at once, and talk comfortably." She seated +herself by the table, and helped herself to a buttered scone. "What did +you do on Christmas Day?" + +"The Willoughbys asked me. I went to church with them, and stayed until +eleven." + +"Anything going on, or just the ordinary family frumps?" + +Claire laughed. + +"Nobody but relations and my fascinating self; but you needn't be so +blighting. I enjoyed every moment, and they were angelically kind. +Janet was like an old friend." + +"Did she give you a present?" + +"Yes, she did. Half a dozen pairs of gloves." + +"The wrong size, of course! They always are!" + +"No, my pessimist, they were not! She had diagnosed me as a six and a +half, and six and a half I am, so all was peace and joy. I put on a new +pair the next day when I went out for a constitutional. It was quite a +tonic. Gloves are much cheaper abroad, and I never wore a shabby pair +in my life until this winter. It's been one of the things I've hated +most." + +"Six pairs will soon go," said Cecil; "I prefer to have things that +last. Oh, by the way, you addressed a parcel. How did it come? Was it +left at the door?" + +Instinctively Claire busied herself over the tea-tray. She had a +feeling that Cecil would rather be unobserved; she was also afraid that +her own expression might betray too much. + +"Oh no, he called. When I came in after morning church on Sunday, +Lizzie said that a gentleman was waiting. It was Major Carew. He asked +me if I would address the parcel and send it on." + +Silence. Claire bent over the tea-tray, but she knew without looking +that Cecil's face had fallen into the cold set lines which she had seen +times and again, when things had gone wrong; she knew that when she +spoke again the coldness would be in her voice, but her own conscience +was clear. She had done nothing to offend. + +"Really! That's curious. _Waiting_, you say? You didn't ask him in? +What did he say?" + +"He said, `Miss Gifford, I presume. I have called to ask if you will be +kind enough to address a small parcel for Miss Rhodes.' I said, +`Wouldn't it be better if I gave you her address?' He said, `I should +prefer if you wrote it yourself.' I said, `I will do so with pleasure. +Good morning.' He said, `Good morning.' He then took up his hat and +departed. He showed himself out, and shut the door after him. I went +upstairs and took off my things." + +"He didn't stay long then?" + +"About three minutes, I should say, perhaps four; I can't tell you to a +second, unfortunately. I didn't look at the clock." + +Cecil laughed, half apologetic, half relieved. + +"Oh, well, you needn't be sarcastic. Naturally I wanted to know. I +couldn't make it out when I saw your writing, for you had given me the +scarf--I'm going to buy your present at the sales, by the way--but, of +course, when I took off the paper, there was a message inside. I was +expecting that present." + +"I hope it was very nice?" + +"Oh, yes--yes! A brooch," Cecil said carelessly. Claire hoped it was +not the insignificant little golden bar which she was wearing at the +moment, but she had never seen it before, and Cecil's jewellery was of +the most limited description. She determined to ask no more questions +on the subject, since evidently none were desired. Cecil helped herself +to a second scone, and asked suddenly-- + +"Why didn't he sit down?" + +"It wasn't necessary, was it? He gave his message, and then there was +nothing to say. I wasn't going to make conversation." + +"You didn't like him!" cried Cecil, but she laughed as she spoke, and +her face relaxed; it was evident that she was more pleased than +disconcerted at her friend's lack of approval. "You're no good at +hiding your feelings, Claire; your voice gives you away as well as your +face. _Why_ didn't you like Major Carew? I suppose you don't deny that +he is a handsome man?" + +"I don't think I care about handsome men," said Claire, seeing before +her a clean-shaven face which could lay no claims to beauty, but in +comparison with which the Major's coarse good looks were abhorrent in +her eyes. + +"Prefer men plain, I suppose? Well, I don't; I shouldn't like Frank +half so much, if he didn't look so big and imposing. And other people +admire him, too. People stare at him as we pass. I suppose you have +guessed that it is with him that I've been going out? There didn't seem +any need to speak of it before, but during the rest of the holidays you +might expect me to go about with you, and sometimes--often, I hope, I'll +be engaged, so it's just as well to explain. We can do things together +in the morning, but naturally--" + +"Yes, of course; I quite understand. Don't worry about me, Cecil. I'd +love you to have a good time. Are you--are you engaged to him, dear?" + +There was in her voice that soft, almost awed note with which an +unengaged girl regards a companion who has actually plighted her troth. +Cecil softened at the sound. + +"Well--I suppose we are. Between ourselves. It's not public yet, but I +think it soon will be. Half a dozen years ago I should have been sure, +but I know better now. You can never be sure! Men are such brutes. +They think of nothing but themselves, and their own amusement." + +"Some men!" + +"Most men! Of course, every girl who falls in love thinks her own +particular man is the exception, and believes in him blindly until she +gets her heart broken for her pains. I believed in a man, too, years +ago, when I was not much older than you are now." + +She paused, as though waiting for comment, but Claire sat silent, +listening with grave, tender eyes. + +Cecil sent her a flickering smile. + +"You are a nice child, Claire; you have some sense! I'll tell you, +because you never pried or asked questions. You would never have got +anything out of me that way, but sometimes I feel as if it would be a +relief to talk. I was twenty-three, and very pretty; not as pretty as +you are, perhaps, but very nearly, and he was twenty-eight, a lawyer-- +brother of one of the girls. He came to one of the prize-givings, and +we were introduced. After that he made his people invite me once or +twice, and he found out where I was going in the summer holidays, and +came down to the same inn. He stayed a fortnight." Cecil sighed, and +stared dreamily at her cup. "Even now, Claire, after all that has +happened, I can never quite make up my mind to be sorry that he came. +It made things harder when the parting came, but I _had had it_. For +two whole weeks I had been as perfectly, blissfully happy as a human +creature can be! I had wakened every morning to feel that life was too +good to be true, I had gone to bed every night grudging the time for +sleep. A fortnight is not very long, but it's not every woman who gets +even as much as that. I shall never feel that happiness again, but I'm +glad that I know what it is like." + +"But, Cecil dear, if--if Major Carew--" + +Cecil shook her head. + +"No! Never again. One may be happy enough, but it's never the same. I +can't feel now as I did then. The power has gone. I cared so much, you +see; I would have given my life for him a dozen times over. I thought +of him night and day for over a year; I lived for the times when we +could meet. It wasn't very often, for his people had taken fright, and +would not ask me to the house. They were rich people, and didn't want +him to marry a poor girl who was working for herself. It's a great +mistake, Claire, to be friends with a man when his relations ignore you. +If I'd had any pride I would have realised that, but I hadn't, and I +didn't care; I didn't care for anything but just to see him, and do what +he wished. And then, my dear, after a year he began to change. He +didn't write to me for weeks, and I had to go to school every day, and +try to think of the work, and be patient with the girls, and seem bright +and interested, as if I had nothing on my mind. It was near Christmas- +time, and we were rehearsing a play. I used to feel as if I should go +mad, staying behind after four o'clock to go over those wretched scenes, +when I was panting to run home to see if a letter had come! But each +time that we met again I forgot everything; I was so happy that I had no +time to grumble. That surprises you, doesn't it? You can hardly +believe that of me, but I was different then. I was quite nice. You +would have liked me, if you had known me then!" + +"Dear old Cecil! I like you now. You know I do!" + +"Oh, you put up with me! We get along well enough, but we are not +_friends_. If we had not been thrown together, you would never have +singled me out. Don't apologise, my dear; there's no need. I'm a +grumbling old thing, and you've been very patient. Well, that's how it +happened. I went out to meet him one night, and he told me quite calmly +that he was going to be married. She was the sweetest girl in the +world, and he was the happiest of men. Wanted me to know, because we +had been such _good_ friends, and he was sure I should be pleased!" + +Claire drew her breath with a sharp, sibilant sound. + +"And _you_? Oh, Cecil! What did you say?" + +Mary Rhodes compressed her lips; the set look was in her face. + +"I said what I thought! Quite plainly, and simply, and very much to the +point. I suppose it would have been dignified to congratulate him, and +pretend to be delighted; but I couldn't do it. He had broken my heart +for his own amusement, and he knew it as well as I did, so why should I +pretend? Something inside me seemed to go snap at that moment, and I've +been sour and bitter ever since; but I've learnt _one_ lesson, and that +is, that it is folly to go on waiting for perfection in this world. +Much better take what comes along, and make the best of it!" + +Claire was silent, applauding the sentiment in the abstract, but +shrinking from its application to the swarthy Major Carew. She +stretched her hand across the table, and laid it caressingly on Cecil's +arm. + +"_Pauvre_! Dear old girl! It's no use saying he wasn't worth having-- +that's no comfort. When you have loved a man, it must be the worst blow +of all to be obliged to despise him; but men are not all like that, +Cecil; you mustn't condemn them all because of one bad specimen. I've a +great admiration for men. As a whole they are _bigger_ than women--I +mean mentally bigger--freer from mean little faults. As a rule they +have a stricter sense of honour. That's an old-fashioned attitude, I +suppose, but I don't care; it's been my experience, and I can only speak +what I know. The average man _is_ honourable, _is_ faithful!" + +"Ah, you are speaking of your experience as a leisured girl--a girl +living at home with her mother behind her. It's a different story when +you are on your own. A man finds it pleasant enough to be friends with +a bachelor girl, to take her about, give her little presents, and play +the fairy prince generally. The dear little soul is so grateful"-- +Cecil's voice took a bitter note--"so appreciative of his condescension! +He can enjoy her society without being bothered with chaperons and +conventions. It is really an uncommonly jolly way of passing the time. +But, when it comes to _marrying_, does he want to _marry_ the bachelor +girl?" + +Claire pushed her chair from the table, her face looked suddenly white +and tired, there was a suspicious quiver in her voice. + +"Oh, Cecil, don't, don't! You are poisoning me again. Leave me _some_ +faith! If I can't believe in my fellow-creatures, I'd rather die at +once, and be done with it. It stifles me to breathe the atmosphere of +distrust and suspicion. And it isn't true. There _are_ good men, who +would be all the more chivalrous because a girl was alone. I know it! +I'm sure of it! I refuse to believe that every man is a blackguard +because you have had an unfortunate experience." + +Mary Rhodes stared, abashed. Since the night when Claire had implored +her not to poison her mind, she had never seen her merry, easy-going +companion so aroused; but for the moment regret was swamped in +curiosity. Ostensibly Claire was arguing in the plural, but in reality +she was defending a definite man; Cecil was sure of it; saw her +suspicion confirmed in the paling cheeks and distended eyes; heard it +confirmed in the shaking voice. But who could the man be? Claire was +the most candid, the most open of colleagues; she loved to talk and +describe any experiences which came her way; every time she returned +from an afternoon in town she had a dozen amusing incidents to recount, +which in themselves constituted a guide to her doings. Cecil felt +satisfied that Claire had had no masculine escort on any of these +occasions, and with the one exception of Mrs Willoughby's "At Home" she +had paid no social visits. Yet there did exist a man on whose honour +she was prepared to pin her faith; of that Cecil was convinced. +Probably it was someone in Brussels whom she was still hoping to meet +again! + +"Well, don't get excited," she said coolly. "If you choose to look upon +life as a fairy tale, it's not my business to wake you up. The Sleeping +Beauty position is very soothing while it lasts. Don't say I didn't +warn you, that's all! I don't call it exactly `poisonous' to try to +prevent another girl from suffering as badly as one has suffered +oneself." + +"Perhaps not--certainly not, but it was the way you did it. Sorry, +Cecil, if I was cross! I hope _this_ time, dear, all will go well, and +that you'll be very, very happy. Do tell me anything you can. I won't +ask questions, but I'd love to hear." + +Cecil's laugh had rather a hard intonation. + +"Oh, well! once bitten, twice shy. I'm older this time, and it's a +different thing. Perhaps I shall be all the happier because I don't +expect too much. He's very devoted, and he'll be rich some day, but his +father gives him no allowance, which makes things tight just now. He is +an erratic old man, almost a miser, but there are pots of money in the +family. Frank showed me the name in _Landed Gentry_; there's quite a +paragraph about them, and I've seen a picture of the house, too. A +beautiful place; and he's the eldest son. It's in Surrey--quite near +town." + +"He hasn't taken you down to see it?" + +"Not yet. No. It's a private engagement. His father doesn't know. He +is waiting for a chance to tell him." + +"Wouldn't the father be glad for his heir to marry?" + +"He wouldn't be glad for him to marry _me_! But the estate is entailed, +so Frank can do as he likes. But the old man is ill, always having +asthma and heart attacks, so it wouldn't do to upset him, and of course +till he knows, Frank can't tell any other members of the family." + +Claire, standing by the fireplace, gave a vague assent, and was glad +that her face was hidden from view. For Cecil's sake she intensely +wanted to believe in Major Carew and his account of his own position, +but instinctively she doubted, instinctively she feared. She remembered +the look of the man's face as he had stood facing her across the little +room, and her distrust deepened. He did not look straight; he did not +look true. Probably the old father had a good reason for keeping him +short of money. If he were really in love with Cecil, and determined to +marry her, that was so much to his credit; but Claire hated the idea of +that secrecy, marvelled that Cecil could submit a second time to so +humiliating a position. Poor Cecil! how _awful_ it would be if she were +again deceived! A protective impulse stirred in Claire's heart. "She +shan't be, if I can help it!" cried the inner voice. At that moment she +vowed herself to the service of Mary Rhodes. + +"A big country house in Surrey! That's the ideal residence of the +heroine of fiction. It does sound romantic, Cecil! I should love to +think of you as the mistress of a house like that. Come and sit by the +fire, and let us talk. It's so exciting to talk of love affairs instead +of exercises and exams... Let's pretend we are just two happy, ordinary +girls, with no form-rooms looming ahead, and that one of us is just +engaged, and telling the other `all about it.' Now begin! Begin at the +beginning. How did you meet him first?" + +But there a difficulty arose, for Cecil grew suddenly red, and stumbled +over her words. + +"Oh--well--I-- We _met_! It was an accident--quite an accident--rather +a romantic accident. I was coming home one Sunday evening a year ago. +I had been to church in my best clothes, and when I was halfway here the +skies opened, and the rain _descended_. Such rain! A deluge! Dancing +up from the pavement, streaming along the gutters. I hadn't an +umbrella, of course--just my luck!--and I'd had my hat done up that very +week. I tore it off, and wrapped it in the tails of my coat, and just +as that critical moment Frank passed, saw me doing it, and stopped. +Then he asked if I would allow him to shelter me home beneath his +umbrella. Well! I'm _not_ the girl to allow men to speak to me in the +street, but at that moment, in that deluge, when he'd just seen me take +off my hat, _could_ a gentleman do less than offer to shelter me? Would +it have been sane to refuse?" + +"No; I don't think it would. I should certainly have said yes, too. +That's the sort of thing that would have been called chivalry in olden +times. It's chivalry _now_. He was quite right to offer. It would +have been horrible if he had passed by and left you to be drenched." + +Cecil brightened with relief. + +"That's what _I_ thought! So I said `Yes'; and, of course, while we +walked we talked, and the wind blew my hair into loose ends, and the +damp made them curl, and the excitement gave me a colour; and it was so +nice to talk to a man again, Claire, after everlasting women! I _did_ +look pretty when I saw myself in the glass when I came in, almost as I +used to look years before. And he looked handsome, too, big and strong, +and so delightfully like a man, and unlike a member of staff! We liked +each other very much, and when we got to this door--" + +Silence. Mary Rhodes waited wistfully for a helping word. Claire +stared into the fire, her brows knitted in suspense. + +"Well, naturally, we were sorry to part! He asked if I usually went to +Saint C--- for the evening service. I didn't, but I said `Yes.' I knew +he meant to meet me again, and I _wanted_ to be met." + +Claire sent her thoughts back and recalled a certain Sunday evening when +she had offered to accompany Cecil to church, and had been bluntly +informed that her company was not desired. She had taken the hint, and +had not offered it again. She was silent, waiting for the revelations +which were still to come. + +"So after that it became a regular thing. He met me outside the church +door, and saw me home. He often asked me to go out with him during the +week, but I always refused, until suddenly this term I was so tired, so +hungry for a change that I gave in, and promised that I would. I +suppose that shocks you into fits!" + +"It does rather. You see," explained Claire laboriously, "I've been +brought up on the Continent, where such a thing would be impossible. It +would be an insult to suggest it. Even here in England it doesn't seem +right. Do you think a really nice man who was attracted by a girl +wouldn't find some other way--get an introduction _somehow_?" + +"How? It's easy to talk, but _how_ is he to do it? We live in +different worlds. I am a High School teacher, living in rooms in +London, without a relation or a house open to me where I am intimate +enough to take a friend. He is an officer in a crack regiment, visiting +at fashionable houses. Can't you imagine how his hostesses would stare +if he asked them to call upon me here, in this poky room! And if he +loves me, if I interest him more than the butterflies of Society, if he +wants to know me better, what is he to do? Tell me that, my dear, +before you blame me for taking a little bit of fun when I get the +chance!" + +But Claire had no suggestion to make. She herself had been strong +enough to refuse a friendship on similar lines, but she had been living +a working life for a bare four months, while Cecil had been teaching for +twelve years. Twelve years of a second-hand life, living in other +women's houses, teaching other women's children, obeying other women's +rules; with the one keen personal experience of a slighted love! + +The tale of close on four thousand nights represented a dreary parlour +and a pile of exercise books. For twelve long years this woman had +worked away, losing her youth, losing her bloom, cut off from all that +nature intended her to enjoy; and then at the end behold a change in the +monotony, the sudden appearance of a man who sought her, admired her, +craved her society as a boon! + +The tears came to Claire's eyes as she put herself in such a woman's +place, and realised all that this happening would mean. Renewal of +youth, renewal of hope, renewal of interest and zest... + +"I don't know! I don't know!" she said brokenly. "It's all wrong, +somehow. You ought not to be forced into such a position, but I don't +blame you, Cecil. It's the _other_ women who deserve the blame, the +women who are better off, and could have opened their houses. You have +been so drearily dull all these long years that you would have been more +than human to refuse. But now, dear, now that you are engaged, surely +he has some friends to whom he could introduce you?" + +Mary Rhodes shook her head. + +"Not till his people know. It might come round to their ears, and that +would make things more difficult still; but I am hoping it won't be +long. Now, Claire, I've told _you_, because you are such a kind +understanding little soul, and it's a comfort to talk things out; but +I'll kill you if you dare to breathe a word to another soul--Sophie +Blake, or Mrs Willoughby, or even your mother when you write to her. +You can never tell how these things are repeated, and Frank would never +forgive me if it came out through me. Promise faithfully that you'll +never mention his name in connection with me." + +"Of course I will. What do you take me for? I shouldn't dream of doing +such a thing!" + +"Of course, at the Willoughbys', for instance, if anyone _did_ mention +his name--they might, quite well, for I should think they were in much +the same set--there would be no harm in saying that you'd heard of him. +I should rather like to hear what they said." + +Cecil's face looked wistful as she spoke these last words, but the next +moment her expression changed to one of pure amazement as the whirr of +the cuckoo clock made itself heard, and the little brown bird hopped out +of its niche, and sounded five clear notes. + +"Gracious, what's that? Where did that come from?" + +"It was a Christmas present to me from abroad." + +Claire added the last words in the fond hope that they would save +further criticism, and Cecil rose from her seat, and stood in front of +the hanging clock examining it with critical eyes. + +"It's a good one. Most of them are so gimcrack. From abroad? One of +your Belgian friends, I suppose? Does it make that awful row every +hour? I can't stand it here, you know, if it does." + +"Don't trouble yourself. I'll take it upstairs. I _like_ the `awful +row.' I put it here because I thought it would be a pleasure to you as +well as to myself. I'm sorry." + +"What a tantrum! Evidently the clock is a tender point. Better leave +it here and stop the gong. It will keep you awake all night." + +"I won't stop the gong! I--I like to be waked!" declared Claire +obstinately. She lifted the clock from its nail, and stalked out of the +room, head in air. + +Cecil whistled softly between pursed lips. + + + +CHAPTER TWELVE. + +AN UNPLEASANT TEA-PARTY. + +In the inevitable fatigue which had marked Claire's first experience of +regular work, she had looked forward with joy to the coming of the +holidays when she would be able to take her ease, and for a month on end +laze through the hours at her own sweet will. A teacher scores above +other workers in the length of holidays she enjoys. Several months in +the year contrasts strongly with the fortnight or three weeks enjoyed by +a female clerk or typist; in no other profession is so large a +proportion of the year given to rest. + +Claire had condemned the staff at Saint Cuthbert's for want of +appreciation of this privilege; but, before the four weeks of the +Christmas holidays were over, her eyes were opened to the other side of +the picture. Holidays were horribly expensive! Living "at home" meant +an added bill for fire and light to add to the necessary expenses +abroad; that the last items were necessary could hardly be denied, for a +girl who had been shut up in a schoolroom through three months of term, +naturally wished to amuse herself abroad during holiday time, and in +London even the most carefully planned amusement has a habit of costing +money. + +Even that mild dissipation of shop-gazing, enjoyed by Sophie Blake, plus +the additional excitement of choosing an imaginary present from every +window, could only be enjoyed at the price of two Tube or omnibus fares. +Boots wore out, too, and gloves grew shabby, and the January sales +furnished a very fire of temptation. Claire had never before seen such +bargains as confronted her down the length of Oxford and Regent Streets, +and, though she might be firm as adamant on Monday or Tuesday, Wednesday +was bound to bring about a weak moment which carried her over the +threshold of a shop, and once inside, with sensational sacrifices +dangling within reach, resistance melted like wax. + +"Where do you suppose you are going to wear that concoction?" Mary +Rhodes asked blightingly as Claire opened a cardboard box which had +arrived by the morning delivery, and displayed a blue muslin dress inset +with lace. "Lords, I suppose, or Ascot, or Ranelagh, or Hurlingham, or +Henley... They come on in June and July, just as poor High School- +mistresses are in the thick of cramming for the Matric. But _no_ doubt +you are the exception to the rule! ... You must think you are, at +least, to have bought a frock like that!" + +"Cecil, it was wickedly cheap--it was, indeed! It was one of a few +summer dresses which were positively given away, and it's made in the +simple, picturesque style which I love, and which does not go out of +date. I hadn't the least intention of buying anything, until I saw it +hanging there, at that price, and it looked at me so longingly, as if it +_wanted_ to come!" + +"It's well to be rich! It might have longed at me as much as it liked, +I couldn't have bought it, if it had been two-and-six! I need all my +money for necessities," Mary Rhodes said, sighing; and Claire felt a +pang of reproach, for, since her return, Cecil had indeed seemed +painfully short of loose cash. The debt still outstanding had been +increased by various small borrowings, insignificant in themselves, yet +important as showing how the wind blew. Claire wondered if perchance +the poor soul had crippled herself by presenting her lover with a +Christmas gift which was beyond her means. + +The third week of the holidays arrived; in another week school would +begin. Claire succumbed to temptation once more, purchased two good +tickets for an afternoon concert at the Queen's Hall, and invited Cecil +to be her guest. Cecil hesitated, evidently torn between two +attractions, asked permission to defer her answer until the next day, +but finally decided to accept. From remarks dropped from time to time +Claire had gathered that Major Carew was not fond of indoor +entertainments, and somewhat disappointed his _fiancee_ by his +unwillingness to indulge her wishes in that respect. In this instance +she had evidently balanced the concert against an afternoon in the +Major's society, and the concert had won. Claire found herself +cordially in agreement. + +When the afternoon arrived the two girls arrayed themselves in their +best clothes, and set off in high spirits for their afternoon's +amusement. Their seats were in a good position, and the concert was one +of the best of the season. All went as happily as it could possibly go, +until the last strains of "God save the King" had been played, and the +audience filed out of the hall on to the crowded pavement, and then, +with a throb of disgust, Claire recognised the figure of a man who was +standing directly beneath a lamp-post, his black eyes curiously scanning +the passing stream--Major Carew! He had evidently been told of the +girls' destination, and had come with the express purpose of meeting +them coming out. For the moment, however, they were unrecognised, and +Claire gave a quick swerve to the right, hurrying out of the patch of +light into the dimness beyond. The street was so full that, given a +minute's start, it would surely be easy to escape. She slid her hand +through Cecil's arm, drawing her forward. + +"Come along! Come along! Let's hurry to Fuller's before all the tables +are taken!" + +"Fuller's? Tea? How scrumptious! Just what I longed for. Listening +to classical music _is_ thirsty work!" Cecil replied, laughing. She +was so lively, so natural and unconcerted that Claire absolved her on +the moment from any arrangement as to a _rendez-vous_. In her anxiety +to secure the longed-for cup of tea she broke into a half-run, but it +was too late; the sharp black eyes had spied them out, the tall figure +loomed by their side, the large face, with its florid colouring, smiled +a broad smile of welcome. + +"Hulloa, Mary! Thought it was you. I was just passing along. Good +afternoon, Miss Gifford. It _is_ Miss Gifford, isn't it? Had a good +concert, I hope--a pleasant afternoon?" + +"Very good, thank you," said Claire shortly. + +Mary cried, "Oh, Frank! _You_! How did you come? I didn't expect--" +And the tone of her voice showed that the surprise was hardly more +agreeable to her than to her companion. However welcome her lover might +be on other occasions, it was obvious that she had not wished to see him +at this particular moment. + +"Well, well, we must move on; we mustn't block up the pavement," the +Major said hastily. He took his place by the kerb, which placed him +next to Claire, and bent over with an assiduous air. "You must let me +escort you! Where were you bound for next?" + +Claire hesitated. She wished with all her heart that she had not +mentioned Fuller's, so that she could reply that they were bound for the +Tube. Oxford Circus was only a step away; in five minutes they could +have been seated in the train; but Cecil had declared that she was +longing for tea, so it would be ungracious to withdraw the invitation. + +"We were going to Fuller's." + +"Right!" The Major's tone was complacent. "Good idea! How shall we +go? Taxi? Tube? Which do you prefer?" + +Claire stared at him in surprise. + +"But it's here! Quite close. We're nearly there." + +He looked disconcerted, unnecessarily disconcerted, Claire thought; for +it was surely no disgrace for a man to be ignorant of the locality of a +confectioner's shop! From the other side came Cecil's voice, cool and +constrained-- + +"If you were going anywhere, Frank, you needn't stay with us. We can +look after each other. We are accustomed to going about alone." + +"Please allow me the pleasure. There's plenty of time. I should enjoy +some tea immensely. Always take it when I get the chance!" + +The block on the pavement made consecutive conversation impossible, and +the three edged their way in and out in silence until Fuller's was +reached, and one of the last tables secured. The room looked very +bright and dainty, the Christmas garlands still festooning the walls and +framing the mirrors, the hanging lights covered by rose-coloured shades. +The soft pink light was very kind to the complexions of the visitors, +nevertheless Claire felt a guilty pang as she looked into the nearest +mirror and beheld the reflection of herself and her friend as they sat +side by side. As a rule, it was pure pleasure to realise her own fair +looks; but for the moment they were of no importance, whereas poor dear +Cecil had a lover to please, and there was no denying Cecil was not +looking her best! Her expression was frowning and dissatisfied. She +had taken off her veil in the hall and her hair was disarranged; +compared with the fashionable groups round the other tables, she looked +suddenly shabby and insignificant, her little attempts at decoration +pitifully betraying the amateur hand. + +"Oh, dear me, why _won't_ she smile? She looks quite pretty when she +smiles. I'll hold her before a mirror some day and show her the +difference it makes. Ten years disappear in a flash! Now what in the +world had I better be--agreeable and chatty, or cold and stand-off? +I'll do anything to please her, but it _is_ hard lines having our +afternoon spoiled, and being sulked at into the bargain. Cakes, +please--lots of sweet, sugary cakes! Won't that do, Cecil? We can have +bread-and-butter at home!" + +"Cecil! Cecil! Her name is Mary. Why do you call her Cecil?" cried +the Major quickly, looking from one girl to another. Claire fancied +there was a touch of suspicion in his voice, and wondered that he should +show so much interest in a mere nickname. + +"Because she is `Rhodes,' of course." + +For a moment his stare showed no understanding, then, "Oh! that fellow!" +he said slowly. "I see! It's a pretty name anyway. Beats Mary to +fits. Mary is so dull and prosaic. Too many of them about. One gets +sick of the sound." + +"Is that intended for me by any chance?" asked Cecil in her most acid +tones, whereupon the Major cried, "Oh! Put my foot in it that time, +didn't I?" and burst into a long guffaw of laughter, which brought on +him the eyes of the surrounders. + +Claire's interest had already been aroused by a little party of two men +and two women who were sitting at a table in the corner of the room, and +who were, to her thinking, by far the most attractive personalities +present. The men were tall, well set up, not especially handsome in any +way, but possessing an unmistakable look of breeding. One of the women +was old, the other young, and it would have been hard to say which was +the more attractive of the two. They were quietly but very elegantly +dressed, handsome furs being thrown back, to show pretty bodices of +ninon and lace. + +When Major Carew gave that loud unrestrained laugh, the four members of +this attractive party turned to see whence the sound arose; but whereas +three faces remained blankly indifferent, the fourth was in the moment +transformed into an expression of the liveliest surprise. He stared, +narrowing his eyes as if doubting that they were really seeing aright, +twisted his head to get a fuller view, and, obtaining it, twisted back +into his original position, his lips twitching with laughter. Then he +spoke a few words, his companions leant forward to listen, and to two +faces out of the three, the laughter spread on hearing what he had to +say. + +Only the elder of the two ladies retained her gravity. Her sweet glance +rested on Claire's face, and her brow contracted in distress. In the +Major and Cecil she showed no interest, but Claire's appearance +evidently aroused curiosity and pity. "What is _she_ doing in that +_galere_?" The question was written on every line of the sweet high- +bred face, and Claire read its significance and flinched with distaste. + +"How they stare!" cried Mary Rhodes. "The man looked as if he knew you, +Frank. Do you know who he is?" + +"He's a member of the Club. His name is Vavasour. We know each other +by sight." Major Carew's florid colour had grown a shade deeper, he was +evidently disconcerted by the encounter; but he made a strong effort to +regain his composure, smiled at the two girls in turn, and cried +lightly, "Envies me, I suppose, seeing me with two such charmers!" + +"He didn't look exactly envious!" Cecil said drily. She also had +noticed that reflection in the mirror, and it had not helped to soothe +her spirits. She felt an unreasoning anger against Claire for appearing +more attractive than herself, but it did not occur to her that she was +heightening the contrast by her own dour, ungracious manner. Altogether +that tea-party was a difficult occasion, and as it proceeded, Claire's +spirits sank ever lower and lower. She had spent more than she had any +right to afford on those two expensive tickets, hoping thereby to give +pleasure, and now Cecil was in a bad temper, and would snap for days to +come.--It was not a cheerful outlook, and for the second time a feeling +of restiveness overtook her, a longing for a companion who would help +the gaiety of life--such a companion as pretty, lively, happy-go-lucky +Sophie Blake, for example. How refreshing it would be to live with +Sophie! Just for a moment Claire dwelt wistfully on the possibility, +then banished it with a loyal "She doesn't need me, and Cecil does. +She's fond of me in her funny way. She must be, for she has confided in +me already, more than in any of the others whom she's known for years, +and perhaps I may be able to help..." + +The Major passed his cup for a second supply; a waitress brought a plate +of hot cakes; the occupants of the corner table stood up, fastening furs +and coats, and passed out of the door. With their going Major Carew +regained his vivacity, chaffed the girls on their silence, recounted the +latest funny stories, and to Claire's relief addressed himself primarily +to his _fiancee_, thus putting her in the place of honour. + +Nevertheless Claire was conscious that from time to time keen glances +were cast in her own direction. She had a feeling that no detail of her +attire escaped scrutiny, that the black eyes noted one and all, +wondered, and speculated, and appraised. She saw them dwell on the +handsome fur stole and muff which Mrs Judge bequeathed to her daughter +on sailing for India, on the old diamond ring and brooch which had been +handed over to her on her twenty-first birthday; she had an instinctive +feeling that she rose in the man's estimation because of her air of +prosperity. He made tentative efforts to arrange a further meeting. +"Where do _you_ go on Sundays, Miss Gifford? I say, we must arrange +another tea like this. Lots of good tea places in town. We must sample +them together. What do you say, Miss Gifford?" + +Claire's answers were politely evasive, and presently he began to grow +restless, and finally pulled out his watch, and jumped to his feet. + +"How time flies! I had no idea it was so late. I must run. So sorry +to leave you like this." + +Mary Rhodes stared in surprise. + +"Leave! Frank! But you said--I thought we were going--" + +"Yes, I know, I know. I'm sorry, I thought I was free--but--a +regimental engagement! Can't get out of it. I'll fix up another night. +I'll write." + +There was no doubt that he was genuinely disconcerted at the lateness of +the hour, and his leave-taking was of the most hasty description, though +he found time to give a lingering pressure to Claire's hand; then he was +gone, and the waitress came across the room and presented the bill. + +Cecil flushed uncomfortably. + +"I must pay this. Frank has forgotten. He rushed off in such a hurry." + +She pulled out her shabby purse, and Claire made no protest. In a +similar position she herself would have wished to pay, but it was +inconceivable that she should ever be in such a position. However +hurried a man might be-- She rubbed her hand on her knee with a little +shudder of distaste. "Wretch! He would make love to me, too, if I +would allow it! How can Cecil possibly care for such a man?" + +And then she forgot Cecil's feelings to ponder on a more perplexing +problem. + +Why had the man called Vavasour looked so amused, and why had the sweet- +faced woman looked so distressed? + + + +CHAPTER THIRTEEN. + +A DOUBLE INVITATION. + +Janet Willoughby sent Claire a picture postcard, all white snow and +strong shadow, and dazzling blue sky, and little black figures +pirouetting on one leg with the other raised perilously in the rear. +"This is me!" was written across the most agile of the number, while a +scrawling line across the top ran, "Happy New Year! Returning on +Tuesday. Hope to see you soon." Tuesday was the day on which school +re-opened; but Janet's holiday was year long, not a short four weeks. + +Cecil moaned loudly, but Claire was tired of aimless days, and welcomed +the return to work. She determined to throw her whole heart into her +task, and work as no junior French mistress had ever worked before; she +determined never to lose patience, never to grow cross, never to indulge +in a sarcastic word, always to be a model of tact and forbearance. She +determined to wield such an ennobling influence over the girls in her +form-room that they should take fire from her example, and go forth into +the world perfect, high-souled women who should leaven the race. She +determined also to be the life and soul of the staff-room--the general +peace-maker, confidante, and consoler, beloved by one and all. She +determined to seize tactfully upon every occasion of serving the Head, +and acting as a buffer between her and disagreeables of every kind. She +arranged a touching scene wherein Miss Farnborough, retiring from work +and being asked by the Committee to name a worthy successor, pronounced +unhesitatingly, "Claire Gifford; she is but young, but her wisdom and +diplomacy are beyond all praise." She saw herself Head of Saint +Cuthbert's, raised to the highest step of her scholastic ladder, but +somehow the climax was not so exhilarating as the climb itself. To be +head mistress was, no doubt, a fine achievement, but it left her cold. + +Inside Saint Cuthbert's all was life and bustle. Girls streaming along +the corridors, in and out of every room; girls of all ages and sizes and +shapes, but all to-day bearing an appearance of happiness and animation. +Bright-coloured blouses shone forth in their first splendour; hair- +ribbons stood out stiff and straight; many of the girls carried bunches +of flowers to present to the special mistress for whom they cherished +the fashionable "G.P." (grand passion) so characteristic of school +life. + +Flora had a bunch of early daffodils for Claire. Another girl presented +a pot of Roman hyacinths for the decoration of the form-room, a third a +tiny bottle of scent; three separate donors supplied buttonholes of +violets. The atmosphere was full of kindness and affection. Girls +encountering each other would fall into each other's arms with +exclamations of ecstatic affection. "Oh, you precious lamb!" + +"My angel child!" + +"You dear, old, darling duck!" Claire heard a squat, ugly girl with +spectacles and a turned-up nose addressed as "a princely pet" by an +ardent adorer of fourteen. The mistresses came in for their own share +of adulation--"Darling Miss Gifford, I _do_ adore you!" + +"Miss Gifford, darling, you are prettier than ever!" + +"Oh, Miss _Gifford_, I was _dying_ to see you!" + +The morning flew past, and lunch-time brought the gathering of +mistresses in staff-room. Mademoiselle's greetings were politely +detached, Fraulein was kindly and discursive, Sophie's smile was as +bright as ever, but she did not look well. + +"Oh, I'm all right! It's nothing. Only this horrid old pain!" she said +cheerfully. Into her glass of water she dropped three tabloids of +aspirin. Every one had been away for a longer or shorter time, visiting +relatives and friends; they compared experiences; some had enjoyed +themselves, some had not; but they all agreed that they were refreshed +by the change. + +"And where have _you_ been?" asked the drawing mistress of Claire, and +exclaimed in surprise at hearing that she had remained in town. "Dear +me, I wish I had known! I've been back a fortnight. We might have done +something together. Weren't you _dull_?" asked the drawing mistress, +staring with curious eyes. + +"Very!" answered poor Claire, and for a moment struggled with a horrible +inclination to cry. + +After lunch Miss Bates took her cup of coffee to Claire's side, and made +an obvious attempt to be pleasant. + +"I feel quite remorseful to think of your holidays. It's astonishing +how little we mistresses know of each other out of school hours. The +first school I was in--a much smaller one by the sea,--we were so +friendly and jolly, just like sisters, but in the big towns every one +seems detached. It's hard on the new-comers. I don't know _what_ I +should have done if I hadn't a brother's house to go to on Sundays and +holiday afternoons. Except through him, I haven't made a single friend. +At the other place people used to ask us out, and we had quite a good +time; but in town people are engrossed in their own affairs. They +haven't time to go outside." + +"I wonder you ever left that school! What made you want to change?" + +"Oh, well! London was a lure. Most people want to come to London, and +I had my brother. Do tell me, another time, if you are not going away. +It worries me to think of you being alone. How did you come to get this +post, if you have no connections in town?" + +"Miss Farnborough came to stay in Brussels, in the _pension_ which my +mother and I had made headquarters for some time. She offered me the +post." + +Miss Bates stared with distended eyes. "How long had she known you?" + +"About a fortnight, I think. I don't remember exactly." + +"And you had never seen her before? She knew nothing about you?" + +"She had never seen me before, but she _did_ know something about me. +Professionally speaking, she knew all there was to know." + +"That accounts for it," said Miss Bates enigmatically. "I wondered-- +You are not a bit the usual type." + +"I hope that doesn't mean that I can't teach?" + +Miss Bates laughed, and shrugged her thin shoulders. "Oh, no. I should +say, personally, that you teach very well. That play was +extraordinarily good. It absolutely sounded like French. Can't think +how you knocked the accent into them! English girls are so self- +conscious; they are ashamed of letting themselves go. Mademoiselle +thinks that your classes are too like play; but it doesn't matter what +she thinks, so long as--" she paused a moment, lowered her voice, and +added impressively, "Keep on the right side of Miss Farnborough. You +are all right so long as you are in her good books. Better be careful." + +"What do you mean?" Claire stared, puzzled and discomposed, decidedly +on the offensive; but Miss Bates refused a definite answer. + +"Nothing!" she said tersely. "Only--people who take sudden fancies, can +take sudden dislikes, too. Ask no more questions, but don't say I +didn't warn you, that's all!" + +She lifted her coffee-cup, and strolled away, leaving Claire to reflect +impatiently, "_More_ poison! It's too bad. They won't _let_ one be +happy!" + +Before the end of the week school work settled into its old routine, and +the days passed by with little to mark their progress. The English +climate was at its worst, and three times out of four the journey to +school was accomplished in rain or sleet. The motor-'buses were crammed +with passengers, and manifested an unpleasant tendency to skid; pale- +faced strap-holders crowded the carriages of the Tube; for days together +the sky remained a leaden grey. It takes a Mark Tapley himself to keep +smiling under such conditions. As Claire recalled the days when she and +her mother had sat luxuriously under the trees in the gardens of Riviera +hotels, listening to exhilarating bands, and admiring the outline of the +Esterels against the cloudless blue of the sky, the drab London streets +assumed a dreariness which was almost insupportable. Also, though she +would not acknowledge it to herself, she was achingly disappointed, +because something which she had sub-consciously been expecting did not +come to pass. She had expected something to happen, but nothing +happened; all through February the weeks dragged on, unrelieved by any +episode except the weekly mail from India. + +The little brown bird still industriously piped the hour; but his +appearance no longer brought the same warm thrill of happiness. And +then one morning came a note from Janet Willoughby. + +"Dear Miss Gifford,-- + +"I should really like to call you `Claire,' but I must wait to be asked! +I have been meaning to write ever since we returned from Saint Moritz; +but you know how it is in town, such a continual rush, that one can +never get through half the things that ought to be done! We should all +like to see you again. Mother has another `At Home' on Thursday evening +next, and would be glad to see you then, if you cared to come; but what +_I_ should like is to have you to myself! On Saturday next I could call +for you, as I did at Christmas, and keep you for the whole day. Then we +could talk as we couldn't do at the `At Homes,' which are really rather +dull, duty occasions. + +"Let me know which of these propositions suits you best. Looking +forward to seeing you,-- + +"Your friend, (if you will have me!) + +"Janet Willoughby." + +Claire had opened the letter, aglow with expectation; she laid it down +feeling dazed and blank. For the moment only one fact stood out to the +exclusion of every other, and that was that Janet did not wish her to be +present at the "At Home." Mrs Willoughby had sent the invitation, but +Janet had supplemented it by another, which could not be refused. "I +would rather have you to myself." How was it possible to refuse an +invitation couched in such terms? How could one answer with any show of +civility, "I should prefer to come with the crowd?" + +Claire carried the letter up to her cold bedroom, and sat down to do a +little honest thinking. + +"It's very difficult to understand what one really wants! We deceive +ourselves as much as we do other people... Why am I so hideously +depressed? I liked going to the `At Home,' I liked dressing up, and +driving through the streets, and seeing the flowers and the dresses, and +having the good supper; but, if that were all, I believe I'd prefer the +whole day with Janet. I suppose, really, it's Captain Fanshawe that's +at the bottom of it. I want to meet him, I thought I should meet him, +and now it's over. I shan't be asked again when there's a chance of his +coming. Janet doesn't want me. She's not jealous, of course--that's +absurd--but she wants to keep him to herself, and she imagines somehow +that I should interfere--" + +Imagination pictured Janet staring with puzzled, uneasy eyes across the +tables in the dining-room, of Janet drearily examining the piled-up +presents in the boudoir, and then, like a flash of light, showed the +picture of another face, now eager, animated, admiring, again grave and +wistful. "Is your address still the Grand Hotel?--_My_ address is still +the Carlton Club." + +"Ah, well, well!" acknowledged Claire to her heart, "we _did_ like each +other. We did love being together, and he remembered me; he sent me the +clock when he was away. But it's all over now. That was our last +chance, and it's gone. He'll go to the At Home, and Mrs Willoughby +will tell him I was asked, but preferred to come when they were alone, +and he'll think it was because I wanted to avoid him, and--and, oh, +goodness, goodness, goodness! how _miserable_ I shall feel sitting here +all Thursday evening, imagining all that is going on! Oh, mother, +mother, your poor little girl is _so_ lonesome! Why did you go so far +away?" + +Claire put her head down on the dressing-table, and shed a few tears, a +weakness bitterly regretted, for like all weaknesses the consequences +wrought fresh trouble. Now her eyelids were red, and she was obliged to +hang shivering out of the window, until they had regained their natural +colour, before she could face Cecil's sharp eyes. + +Janet arrived soon after eleven o'clock on Saturday morning, and was +shown into the saffron parlour where Claire sat over her week's mending. +She wore a spring suit purchased in Paris, and a hat which was probably +smart, but very certainly was unbecoming, slanting as it did at a +violent angle over her plump, good-humoured face, and almost entirely +blinding one eye. She caught sight of her own reflection in the +overmantel and exclaimed, "What a fright I look!" as she seated herself +by the table, and threw off her furs. "Don't hurry, please. Let me +stay and watch. What are you doing? Mending a blouse? How clever of +you to be able to use your fingers as well as your brains! I never sew, +except stupid fancy-work for bazaars. So this is your room! You told +me about the walls. Can you imagine any one in cold blood choosing such +a paper? But it looks cosy all the same. I _do_ like little rooms with +everything carefully in reach. They are ever so much nicer than big +ones, aren't they?" + +"No." + +Janet pealed with laughter. + +"That's right, snub me! I deserve to be snubbed. Of course, I meant +when you have big ones as well! Who is the pretty girl in the carved +frame? Your mother! Do you mean it, really? What a ridiculous mamma! +I'm afraid, Claire, I'm afraid she is even prettier than you!" + +"Oh, she is; I know it. But I have more charm," returned Claire +demurely, whereat they laughed again--a peal of happy girlish laughter, +which reached Lizzie's ears as she polished the oilcloth in the hall, +and roused an envious sigh. + +"It's well to be some folks!" thought poor Lizzie. "Motor-cars, and +fine dresses, and nothing to do of a Saturday morning but sit still and +laugh. I could laugh myself if I was in her shoes!" + +Claire folded away her blouse, and took up a bundle of gloves. + +"These are your gloves. They have been such a comfort to me. There's a +button missing somewhere. Tell me all about your holiday! Did you have +a good time? Was it as nice as you expected?" + +"Yes. No. It _was_ a good time, but--do you think anything ever +_quite_ comes up to one's expectation? I had looked forward to that +month for the whole year, and had built so many fairy castles. You have +stayed in Switzerland? You know how the scene changes when the sun +sinks, how those beautiful alluring rose-coloured peaks become in a +minute awesome and gloomy. Well, it was rather like that with me. I +don't mean that it was gloomy; that's exaggerating, but it was prose, +and I had pictured it poetry. Heigho! It's a weary world." + +Claire's glance was not entirely sympathetic. + +"There are different kinds of prose. You will forgive my saying that +your especial sort is an _Edition de luxe_." + +"I know! I know! You can't be harder on me than I am on myself. My +dear, I have a most sensible head. I'm about as practical and long- +headed as any woman of forty. It's my silly old heart which handicaps +me. It _won't_ fall into line... Have you finished your mending? May +I come upstairs and see your room while you dress?" + +For just the fraction of a moment Claire hesitated. Janet saw the +doubt, and attributed it to disinclination to exhibit a shabby room; but +in reality Claire was proud of her attic, which a little ingenuity had +made into a very charming abode. Turkey red curtains draped the window, +a low basket-chair was covered in the same material, a red silk +eiderdown covered the little bed. On the white walls were a profusion +of photographs and prints, framed with a simple binding of leather +around the glass. The toilet table showed an array of well-polished +silver, while a second table was arranged for writing, and held a number +of pretty accessories. A wide board had been placed over the narrow +mantel, on which stood a few good pieces of china and antique silver. +There was nothing gimcrack to be seen, no one-and-elevenpenny ornaments, +no imitations of any kind; despite its sloping roof and its whitewashed +walls, it was self-evidently a lady's room, and Janet's admiration was +unfeigned. + +"My dear, it's a lamb! I love your touches of scarlet. Dear me, you've +quite a view! I shall have sloping walls when I change my room. They +are _ever_ so picturesque. It's a perfect duck, and everything looks so +bright. They _do_ keep it well!" + +"_I_ keep it well!" Claire corrected. "Lizzie `does' it every morning, +but it's not a doing which satisfies me, so I put in a little manual +labour every afternoon as a change from using my brain. I do all the +polishing. You can't expect lodging-house servants to clean silver and +brass." + +"Can't you? No; I suppose you can't." Janet's voice of a sudden +sounded flat and absent. There was a moment's pause, then she added +tentatively, "You have a cuckoo clock?" + +Claire was thankful that her face was screened from view as she was in +the process of tying on her veil. A muffled, "Yes," was her only reply. + +Janet stood in front of the clock, staring at it with curious eyes. + +"It's--it's like--there were some just like this in a shop at Saint +Moritz." + +"They are all much alike, don't you think?" + +"I suppose they are. Yes--in a way. Some are much better than others. +This is one of the best--" + +"Yes, it is. It keeps beautiful time. I had it in the sitting-room, +but Miss Rhodes objected to the noise." + +"Was it in Saint Moritz that you bought it?" + +"I didn't buy it. It was a present." + +That finished the cross-questioning, since politeness forbade that Janet +should go a step further and ask the name of the friend, which was what +she was obviously longing to do. She stood a moment longer, staring +blankly at the clock, then gave a little sigh, and moved on to examine +the ornaments on the mantelpiece. Five minutes later the two girls +descended the staircase, and drove away from the door. + +The next few hours passed pleasantly enough, but Claire wondered if it +were her own imagination which made her think that Janet's manner was +not quite so frank and bright as it had been before she had caught sight +of the cuckoo clock. She never again said, "Claire"; but her brown eyes +studied Claire's face with a wistful scrutiny, and from time to time a +sharp little sigh punctuated her sentences. + +"But what could I tell her?" Claire asked unhappily of her sub- +conscience. "I don't _know_--I only think; and even if he _did_ send +it, it doesn't necessarily affect his feelings towards her. He was +going to see her in a few days; and she is rich and has everything she +wants, while I am poor and alone. It was just kindness, nothing more." +But though her head was satisfied with such reasoning, her heart, like +Janet's, refused to fall into line. + +At tea-time several callers arrived, foremost among them a tall man whom +Claire at once recognised as the original of a portrait which stood +opposite to that of Captain Fanshawe on the mantelpiece of Janet's +boudoir. This was "the kind man, the thoughtful man," the man who +remembered "little things," and in truth he bore the mark of it in every +line of his good-humoured face. Apart from his expression, his +appearance was ordinary enough; but he was self-evidently a man to +trust, and Claire found something pathetic in the wistful admiration +which shone in his eyes as they followed Janet Willoughby about the +room. To ordinary observers she was just a pleasant girl with no +pretensions to beauty; to him she was obviously the most lovely of her +sex. He had no attention to spare for Claire or the other ladies +present; he was absorbed in watching Janet, waiting for opportunities to +serve Janet, listening eagerly to Janet's words. It is not often that +an unengaged lover is so transparent in his devotion, but Malcolm Heward +was supremely indifferent to the fact that he betrayed his feelings. + +At ten o'clock Claire rose to take leave, and Mrs Willoughby made a +request. + +"I am going to ask you to do me a favour, dear. A friend is having a +Sale of Work at her house for a charity in which we are both interested, +and she has asked me to help. It is on a Saturday afternoon and +evening, and I wondered if I might ask you to take part in the little +concerts. Whistling is always popular, and you do it so charmingly. I +would send the car for you, and take you home, of course, and be so very +much indebted. You don't mind my asking?" + +"No, indeed; I should be delighted. Please let me help you whenever you +can." + +In the bedroom upstairs Janet deliberately introduced Malcolm Heward's +name. + +"That was the man I told you about at Christmas. He was one of the +party at Saint Moritz. What did you think of him?" + +"I liked him immensely. He looks all that you said he was. He has a +fine face." + +"He wants to marry me." + +Claire laughed softly. + +"That's obvious! I never saw a man give himself away so openly." + +"Do you think I ought to accept him?" + +"Oh, how can I say? It's not for me to advise. I hope, whoever you +marry, you'll be very, very happy!" + +Suddenly Janet came forward and laid her hands on Claire's arm. + +"Oh, Claire, I do like you! I do want to be friends, but sometimes I +have the strangest thoughts." Before Claire had time to answer, she had +drawn back again, and was saying with a little apologetic laugh, "I am +silly! Take no notice of what I say. Here's your fur; here's your +muff. Are you quite sure you have all your possessions?" + + + +CHAPTER FOURTEEN. + +A QUESTION OF MONEY. + +The next week was memorable to Claire as marking the beginning of +serious anxiety with regard to Sophie. She had looked ill since the +beginning of the term, and the bottle of aspirin tabloids had become +quite an accustomed feature on the luncheon table; but when questioned +she had always a smile and an easy excuse. + +"What can you expect in this weather? No one but a fish could help +aching in these floods. I'm perfectly all right!" + +But one morning this week, meeting her on an upper landing, Claire +discovered Sophie apparently dragging herself along with her hands, and +punctuating each step with a gasp of pain. She stood still and stared, +whereupon Sophie instantly straightened herself, and ascended the +remaining steps in a normal manner. + +"Sophie," cried Claire sternly, "don't pretend! I heard you; I saw you! +My dear girl, is the rheumatism so bad?" + +Sophie twisted her head this way and that, her lips pursed in warning. + +"S-sh! Be careful! You never know who is about. I _am_ rather stiff +to-day. This raw fog has been the last straw. I shall be all right +when we get through this month. I hate March! It finds out all the +weak spots. Please, Claire, don't take any notice. A Gym. mistress has +no business to have rheumatism. It's really very good for me to be +obliged to keep going. It is always worse at the beginning of the day." + +Claire went away with a pain in her heart, and the pain grew steadily as +she watched Sophie throughout the week. The pretty face was often drawn +with pain, she rose and sat down with an obvious effort; and still the +rain poured, and the dark fog enveloped the city, and Sophie struggled +to and from her work in a thin blue serge suit which had already seen +three winters' wear. + +One day the subject came up for discussion in the staff-room, and Claire +was shocked and surprised at the attitude of the other teachers. They +were sorry for Sophie, they sympathised, to a certain extent they were +even anxious on her account, but the prevailing sentiment seemed to be +that the kindest thing was to take no notice of her sufferings. No use +pitying her; that would only make her more sorry for herself. No use +suggesting cures; cures take time, not to speak of money. The Easter +holidays would soon be here; perhaps she might try something then. In +the meantime--_tant pis_! she must get along as best she could. There +was simply no time to be ill. + +"I've a churchyard cough myself," declared the Arts mistress. "I stayed +in bed all Saturday and Sunday, and it was really a little better, but +it was as bad as ever after a day in this big draughty hole." + +"And I am racked with neuralgia," chimed in Miss Bates. The subject of +Sophie was lost in a general lamentation. + +Friday evening came, and after the girls had departed Claire went in +search of Sophie, hoping tactfully to be able to suggest remedial +methods over the week-end. She peeped into several rooms before at +last, in one of the smallest and most out-of-the-way, she caught sight +of a figure crouched with buried head at the far end of the table. It +was Sophie, and she was crying, and catching her breath in a weak +exhausted fashion, pitiful to hear. Claire shut the door tightly, and +put her arms round the shaking form. + +"Miss Blake--Sophie! You poor, dear girl! You are tired out. You have +been struggling all the week, but it's Friday night, dear, remember +that! You can go home and just tumble into bed. Don't give way when +you've been so brave." + +But for the moment Sophie's bravery had deserted her. + +"It's raining! It's raining! It _always_ rains. I can't face it. The +pain's all over me, and the omnibuses _won't_ stop! They expect you to +jump in, and I can't jump! I don't know how to get home." + +"Well, I do!" Claire cried briskly. "There's no difficulty about that. +I'm sick of wet walks myself. I'll whistle for a taxi, and we'll drive +home in state. I'll take you home first, and then go on myself; or, if +you like, I'll come in with you and help you to bed." + +"P-please. Oh, yes, please, do come! I don't want to be alone," +faltered Sophie weakly; but she wiped her eyes, and in characteristic +fashion began to cheer up at the thought of the drive home. + +There was a cheerful fire burning in Sophie's sitting-room, and the +table was laid for tea in quite an appetising fashion. The landlady +came in at the sound of footsteps, and showed a sympathetic interest at +the sight of Sophie's tear-stained face. + +"I _told_ you you weren't fit to go out!" she said sagely. "Now just +sit yourself down before the fire, and I'll take your things upstairs +and bring you down a warm shawl. Then you shall have your teas. I'll +bring in a little table, so you can have it where you are." She left +the room, and Sophie looked after her with grateful eyes. + +"That's what I pay for!" she said eloquently. "She's so kind! I love +that woman for all her niceness to me. I told you I had no right to pay +so much rent. I came in just for a few weeks until I could find +something else, and I haven't had the _heart_ to _move_. I've been in +such holes, and had such awful landladies. They seem divided into two +big classes, kind and dirty, or clean and _mad_! When you get one who +is kind _and_ clean, you feel so grateful that you'd pay your last penny +rather than move away. Oh, how lovely! how lovely! how lovely! It's +Friday night, and I can be ill comfortably all the time till Monday +morning! Aren't we jolly well-off to have our Saturdays to ourselves? +How thankful the poor clerks and typists would be to be in our place!" + +She was smiling again, enjoying the warmth of the fire, the ease of the +cushioned chair. When Mrs Rogers entered she snoodled into the folds +of a knitted shawl, and lay back placidly while the kind creature took +off her wet shoes and stockings and replaced them by a long pair of +fleecy woollen bed-socks, reaching knee high. The landlady knelt to her +task, and Sophie laid a hand on the top of starched lace and magenta +velvet, and cried, "Rise, Lady Susan Rogers! One of the truest ladies +that ever breathed..." + +"How you do talk!" said the landlady, but her eyes shone. As she +expounded to her husband in the kitchen, "Miss Blake had such a way with +her. When ladies were like that you didn't care what you did, but there +was them as treated you like Kaffirs." + +Tea was quite a cheerful and sociable little meal, during which no +reference was made to Sophie's ailments, but when the cups had been +replaced on the central table, Claire seated herself and said with an +air of decision-- + +"Now we're going to have a disagreeable conversation! I don't approve +of the way you have been going on this last month, and it's time it came +to an end. You are ill, and it's your business to take steps to get +better!" + +"Oh!" + +"Yes; and you are going to take them, too!" + +"What am I going to do?" + +"You are going to see a specialist next week." + +"You surprise me!" Sophie smiled with exaggerated lightness. "What +funny things one does hear!" + +"Why shouldn't you see a specialist? I defy you to give me one sensible +reason?" + +"I'll do better than that. I'll give you two." + +"So do, then! What are they?" + +"Guineas!" said Sophie. + +For a moment Claire stared blankly, then she laughed. + +"Oh, I see! Yes. It is rather a haul. But it's better to harden your +heart once for all, and pay it down." + +"The two guineas is only the beginning." + +"The beginning of what?" + +"Trouble!" said Sophie grimly. "Baths, at a guinea apiece. Massage, +half-a-guinea a time. Medicine, liniments, change of air. My dear, +it's no use. What's the use of paying two guineas to hear a man tell +you to do a dozen things which are hopelessly impossible? It's paying +good money only to be aggravated and depressed. If it comes to that, I +can prescribe for myself without paying a sou... Knock off all work for +a year. Go to Egypt, or some perfectly dry climate, and build up your +strength. Always get out of London for the winter months. Live in the +fresh air, and avoid fatigue... How's that? Doesn't that strike you as +admirable advice?" + +She put her head on one side with a gallant attempt at a smile, but her +lips twitched, and the flare of the incandescent light showed her face +lined and drawn with pain. Claire was silent, her heart cramping with +pain. The clock ticked on for several minutes, before she asked +softly-- + +"Have you no savings, Sophie? No money to keep you if you _did_ take a +rest?" + +"Not a sou. It's all I can do to struggle along. I told you I had to +help a young sister, and things run up so quickly, that it doesn't seem +possible to save. I suppose many people would say one ought to be able +to do it on a hundred a year; that's all I have left for myself! +Hundreds of women manage on less, but as a rule they come from a +different class, and can put up with a style of living which would be +intolerable to us. I don't complain of the pay. I don't think it is +bad as things go: it's only when illness comes that one looks ahead and +feels--frightened! Suppose I broke down now, suppose I broke down in +ten years' time! I should be over forty, and after working hard for +twenty years I should be left without a penny piece; thrown on the scrap +heap, as a worn-out thing that was no more use. But I might still live +on, years upon years. Oh, dear! why did you make me think of it? It +does no good; only gives one the hump. There _is_ no Pension scheme, so +I simply can't afford to be ill. That's the end of it." + +"Don't you think if you went to Miss Farnborough, and explained to +her--" + +Sophie turned a flushed, protesting face. + +"Never! Not for the world, and you mustn't either. Promise me +faithfully that you will never give so much as a hint. Miss Farnborough +is a capital head, but her great consideration is for the pupils; we +only count in so far as we are valuable to them. She'd be sorry for me, +of course, and would give me quite a lot of advice, but she'd think at +once, `If she's rheumatic, she won't be so capable as a Gym. mistress; I +must get some one else!' No, no, my dear, I must go on, I must fight it +out. You'd be surprised to see how I _can_ fight when Miss Farnborough +comes on the scene!" + +"Very well. You have had your say, now I'm going to have mine! If you +go on as you have been doing the last month, growing stiffer week by +week, you won't be _able_ to hide it! The other mistresses talk about +it already. They were discussing you in staff-room last week. If you +go on trusting to chance, you are simply courting disaster. Now I'll +tell you what I am going to do. I'm going to find out the address of a +good specialist, and make an appointment for next Saturday morning. You +shan't have any trouble about it, and I'll call in a taxi, and take you +myself, and bring you safely back. And it will be the wisest and the +cheapest two guineas you ever spent in your life. Now! What have you +got to say to that?" + +"Oh, I don't know, I don't know! You are very kind. I suppose I ought +to be grateful. I suppose you are right. Oh, I'll go, I suppose, I +must go. _Bother_!" cried Sophie ungraciously, whereupon Claire hastily +changed the conversation, and made no further reference to health during +the rest of her visit. + +Mrs Willoughby supplied the name of a specialist; the specialist +granted an appointment for the following Saturday at noon, when the two +girls duly appeared in his consulting-room; and Sophie underwent the +usual examination, during which the great doctor's face assumed a +serious air. Finally he returned to the round-backed chair which stood +against the desk, and faced his patient across the room. Sophie was +looking flushed and pretty, she was wearing her best clothes, and she +wore them with an air which might well delude a masculine eye into +believing them much better than they really were. Claire had her usual +smart, well-turned-out appearance. They seemed to the doctor's eyes two +prosperous members of Society. + +"I fear," he said gravely, "I fear that there is no doubt that your +rheumatism is the sort most difficult to treat. It is a clear case of +rheumatoid arthritis, but you are young, and the disease is in an early +stage, so that we must hope for the best. In olden times it was +supposed to be an incurable complaint, but of late years we have had +occasional cures, quite remarkable cures, which have mitigated that +decision. You must realise, however, that it is a difficult fight, and +that you will need much patience and perseverance." + +"How soon do you think you can cure me?" + +The doctor looked into Sophie's face, and his eyes were pitiful. + +"I wish I could say, but I fear that's impossible. Different people are +affected by different cures. You must go on experimenting until you +find one that will suit your case; meanwhile there are certain definite +instructions which you would do well to observe. In what part of London +do you live?" He pursed-up his lips at the reply. "Clay! Heavy clay. +The worst thing you could have. That must be altered at once. It is +essential that you live on light, gravelly soil, and even then you +should not be in England in winter. You should go abroad for four or +five months." + +Sophie cast a lightning glance at her companion. "It's impossible!" she +said shortly. "I can't move. I can't go abroad. I am a High School- +mistress. I am obliged to stay at my work. I am dependent on my +salary. I knew it was stupid to come. I knew what you would say. I +told my friend. It was her doing. She made me come--" + +"I am very much indebted to your friend," the doctor said genially. +"She was quite right to insist that you should have advice, and now that +I know the circumstances, I'll try not to be unreasonable. I know how +aggravating it must be to be ordered to do things which are clearly +impossible; but you are young, and you are threatened with a disease +which may cripple your life. I want to do all that is in my power to +help you. Let's talk it over quietly, and see what can be done." + +"I'm in school every day until half-past four, except on Saturdays, and +I can't afford to wait. I _must_ get better, and I must be quick about +it, or I shall lose my post. If I leave this school through rheumatism, +it will go down in my testimonial, and I should never get another +opening. I'm the Gym. mistress." + +"Poor girl!" said the doctor kindly. "Well," he added, "I can say one +thing for your encouragement; you could not help yourself more than by +preserving your present attitude of mind. To determine to get better, +and to get better quickly, is a very valuable aid to material means. +And now I will tell you what I propose." + +He bent forward in his chair, talking earnestly and rapidly. There was +no time to be lost, since the disease was apt to take sudden leaps +forward; at this stage every day was of value; the enemy must be +attacked before he had made good his hold. There was a new treatment +which, within his own experience, had had excellent results. It was not +a certainty; it was very far from a certainty, but it was a chance, and +it had this merit, that a month or six weeks would prove its efficacy in +any special case. If this failed, something else must be tried, but +most cures were very long, very costly. He would propose in the first +instance giving two injections a week; later on three or even four. +There might be a certain amount of reaction. + +"What do you mean by reaction?" Sophie asked. + +"Fever, headache. Possibly sickness, but not lasting for more than +twenty-four hours." + +Sophie set her lips. + +"I have no time to be ill!" + +The doctor looked at her with deliberate sternness. + +"You will have all your life to be ill, if you do not take care now! I +will do what I can to help you; we will arrange the times most +convenient to you. You might come to me at first direct from school on +Wednesdays and Saturdays. Later on the system will accustom itself, and +you will probably feel no bad effects. I should like to undertake your +case myself. My charge to you will be a quarter of my ordinary fee." + +"Thank you very much," stammered Sophie, "but--" + +Claire jumped up, and hastily interposed. + +"Thank you so very much! We are most grateful, but it's--it's been +rather a shock, and we have not had time to think. Will you allow us to +write and tell you our decision?" + +"Certainly. Certainly. But be quick about it. I am anxious to help, +but every week's delay will make the case more difficult. Try to +arrange for Wednesday next." + +As he spoke he led the way towards the door. He had been all that was +kind and considerate, but there were other patients waiting; all day +long a procession of sufferers were filing into that room. He had no +more time to give to Sophie Blake. The two girls went out into the +street, got into a taxi and were driven swiftly away. Neither spoke. +They drew up before the door of Sophie's lodgings, entered the cosy +sitting-room and sat down by the fire. + +"Well!" Sophie's face was flushed, her eyes were dry and feverishly +bright. "I hope you are satisfied, my dear. I've been to a specialist +to please you, and a most depressing entertainment it has been. +Arthritis! That's the thing people have who go about in Bath chairs, +and have horrible twisted fingers. It was supposed to be incurable, but +now they have `an occasional cure,' so I must hope for the best! I do +think doctors are the stupidest things! They have no tact. He could +tell me that in one breath, and in the other that it was most important +that I should have hope. Well! I _have_ hope. I _have_ faith, but +it's not because of his stupid injections. I believe in God, and God +knows that I need my health, and that other people need it too. My +little sister! What would happen to her if I crocked now? I don't +believe He will _let_ me grow worse!" + +"That's all right, Sophie dear, but oughtn't you to use the means? I +don't call it trusting in the right sense if you set yourself against +the help that comes along. God doesn't work miracles as He did in the +old way; the world has progressed since those old times, and now He +works through men. It is a miracle just the same, though it shows +itself in a more natural fashion. Don't you call it a miracle that a +busy doctor should offer to treat you himself, at the hours most +convenient to you, and to do it at a quarter of his usual fees?" + +"His fee for to-day was two guineas. They always charge that, I +suppose--these specialist people. A quarter of that would mean half-a- +guinea a visit. Two half-guineas equal one guinea. Later on, three or +four half-guineas a week would equal one-and-a-half to two guineas. Two +guineas equal my whole income. Very kind, no doubt--very kind indeed. +And just about as feasible as if he'd said a thousand pounds." + +Claire was busy calculating, her fingers playing upon her knee. Ten +guineas ought to pay for the six weeks which would test the efficacy of +the vaccine. Surely there could not be any serious difficulty about ten +guineas? + +"Wouldn't your brother?" + +Sophie shook her head. + +"I wouldn't ask him. He has four small children, and he does so much +for Emily. More than he can afford. He works too hard, poor fellow. +If it were a certainty, perhaps it might be managed somehow; but it's +only a chance, and six weeks won't see the end." + +"But the end will be quicker if you begin at once. The doctor said that +every day was of importance. Sophie, listen! I've got the money. I've +got it lying in the bank. I'll lend it to you. I'd love to lend it. +If you'll let me, I'll send you a cheque to-night; that will pay for the +first six weeks--" + +Sophie stretched out her hand, and gave a momentary clasp to Claire's +fingers. + +"You _are_ a good soul! Fancy offering that to a stranger like me! +It's noble of you, my dear. Perfectly sweet! I'm awfully grateful, but +it's absolutely impossible that I could accept. When could I pay you +back? I've never been able to save, but I _have_ kept out of debt, and +it would worry me to death to have ten pounds hanging round my neck. +Besides, we shouldn't be any further. At the end of the six weeks I +should either be better, in which case he would certainly want me to go +on; or worse, when I should have to try something else! You don't +propose that I should go on borrowing from you at the rate of one or two +guineas a week?" + +"I--I'm afraid I haven't got it to give." + +"Very well, then--there you are! What's the good of beginning at all?" + +Claire put her hands over her face and thought with that intense and +selfless thought which is as a prayer for help. The future seemed dark +indeed, and the feeling of helplessness was hard to bear. Two lonely +girls, with no one to help, and so much help that was needed! Here was +indeed the time for prayer. + +"Sophie, it's horribly difficult; we can't see ahead. We can only `do +the next thing.' It is your duty to take this cure _now_, and the way +has opened for that. When we've come to the end of the six weeks, it +may open again. You said you have trust in God. It's no use talking +generalities, if you are not prepared to put your faith into practice. +The question for to-day is, _Can you trust Him for the beginning of +May_?" + +Sophie smiled. + +"I like that! That's a nice way of putting it. Yes, I can; but, Claire +(I must call you Claire, you are such a dear!), I wish it didn't mean +borrowing other people's money! It will be years before I can pay you +back. It may be that I can never do it." + +"I would have said `give,' but I was afraid it would hurt your pride. +My stepfather gave me some money to buy jewellery for a wedding present, +and as a pure matter of selfishness I'd get more pleasure out of helping +you than out of a stupid brooch. And listen, Sophie, listen! I'm going +to explain.--I chose to take up teaching because I wanted to be +independent, and I knew my mother would be happier without me during the +first years of her marriage; but she is devoted to me, and I know in +time she will crave to have me back. She isn't strong, and she finds +the Indian climate trying, so very likely she may _need_ my help. I +shall never be sorry that I came to London, for work is a splendid +experience, and I am glad to have it; but I have never the feeling that +it is going to _last_. Mother comes first, and my stepfather is quite +well-off, and can afford to keep me; so if I were _needed_, I should not +feel that I was sacrificing my independence in letting him do it. So +you see I am not quite in the same position as the other mistresses, and +money is not of the same importance. If you were in my place, Sophie, +would you hesitate to lend me a ten-pound note?" + +"Guineas, please!" cried Sophie, laughing to hide her tears. "All +right, my dear, all right! I give in. I lie down. You've beaten me. +I've nothing more to say. I'll take the horrid old injections, and pay +for them with your money, and--and--I think I'll go to bed now, please! +I've had about as much as I can bear for one short day!" + +"And I'll go home and have a rest myself. I am to help at a bazaar this +afternoon, and I don't feel at all in my full beauty. Good-bye, Sophie. +Cheer up! There's a good time coming!" + +"There's a good time coming for _you_!" predicted Sophie confidently. + + + +CHAPTER FIFTEEN. + +"LEND ME FIVE POUNDS!" + +The contrasts of life seemed painfully strong to Claire Gifford that +Saturday afternoon as she seated herself in the luxurious car by Mrs +Willoughby's side, and thought of Sophie Blake obliged to borrow ten +pounds to pay for a chance of health, and the contrast deepened during +the next few hours, as she watched beautifully gowned women squandering +money on useless trifles which decked the various "stalls." Embroidered +cushions, painted sachets, veil cases, shaving cases, night-dress cases, +bridge bags, fan bags, handkerchief bags, work bags; bags of every size, +of every shape, of every conceivable material; bead necklaces, mats--a +wilderness of mats--a very pyramid of drawn-thread work. Claire found a +seat near the principal stall, where she caught the remarks of the +buyers as they turned away. "...I detest painted satin! Can't think why +I bought that ridiculous sachet. It will have to go on to the next +bazaar." + +"...That makes my twenty-third bag! Rather a sweet, though, isn't he? +It will go with my grey dress." + +"This is awful! I'm not getting on at all. I can't decently spend less +than five pounds. For goodness' sake tell me what to buy!" + +"Can't think why people give bazaars! Such an upset in the house. For +some charity, I believe--I forget what. She asked me to come..." + +So on and so on; scores of women surging to and fro, swinging bags of +gold and silver chain, buying baubles for which they had no use; +occasionally--very occasionally, for love of the cause; often--very +often because Lady --- had sent a personal invitation, and Lady --- was +a useful friend, and gave such charming balls! + +At the two concerts Claire had a pleasant success, which she enjoyed +with all her heart. Her whistling performance seemed to act as a +general introduction, for every listener seemed to be anxious to talk to +her, and to ask an infinitude of questions. Was it difficult? How long +did it take to learn? Was she nervous? Wasn't it difficult not to +laugh? How did she manage not to look a fright? Did she do it often? +Did she _mind_? This last question usually led up to a tentative +mention of some entertainment in which the speaker was interested, but +after the first refusal Claire was on guard, and regretted that her time +was filled up. She was eager to help Mrs Willoughby, but had no desire +to be turned into an unpaid public performer! + +Janet did not appear at the bazaar, so the drive home was once more a +_tete-a-tete_, during which Mrs Willoughby questioned Claire as to the +coming holidays, and expressed pleasure to hear that they were to be +spent in Brussels. She was so kind and motherly in her manner that +Claire was emboldened to bespeak her interest on Sophie's behalf. + +"I suppose," she said tentatively, "you don't know of any family going +abroad to a dry climate--it must be a very dry climate--who would like +to take a girl with them to--er--to be a sort of help! She's a pretty +girl, and very gay and amusing, and she's had the highest possible +training in health exercises. She would be splendid if there was a +delicate child who needed physical development, and, of course, she is +quite well educated all round. She could teach up to a certain point. +She is the Gym. mistress in my school, and is very popular with the +girls." + +"And why does she want to leave?" + +"She's not well. It's rheumatism--a bad kind of rheumatism. It is just +beginning, and the doctor says it ought to be tackled at once, and that +to live on clay soil is the worst thing for her. If she stays at Saint +Cuthbert's she's practically bound to live on clay. And he says she +ought to get out of England for the next few winters. She has not a +penny beyond her salary, but if she could find a post--" + +"Well, why not?" Mrs Willoughby's voice was full of a cheerful +optimism. "I don't know of anything at present, but I'll make inquiries +among my friends. There ought not to be any difficulty. So many people +winter abroad; and there is quite a craze for these physical exercises. +Oh, yes, my dear, I am sure I can help. Poor thing! poor girl! it's so +important to keep her health. I must find some one who will be +considerate, and not work her too hard." + +She spoke as if the post were a settled thing; as if there were several +posts from which to choose. Probably there were. Among her large +circle of wealthy friends this popular and influential woman, given a +little trouble, could almost certainly find a chance for Sophie Blake. +_Given a little trouble_! That was the rub! Five out of six of the +women who had thronged Lady ---'s rooms that afternoon would have +dismissed Sophie's case with an easy sympathy, "Poor creature! Quite +too sad, but really, you know, my dear, it's a shocking mistake to +recommend any one to a friend. If anything goes wrong, you get blamed +yourself. Isn't there a Home?" Mrs Willoughby was the exception to +the rule; she helped in deed, as well as in word. Claire looked at the +large plain face with a very passion of admiration. + +"Oh, I wish all women were like you! I'm so glad you are rich. I hope +you will go on growing richer and richer. You are the right person to +have money, because you help, you _want_ to help, you remember other +women who are poor." + +"My dear," said Mrs Willoughby softly, "I have been poor myself. My +father lost his money, and for years we had a hard struggle. Then I +married--for love, my dear, not money, but there was money, too,--more +money than I could spend. It was an intoxicating experience, and I +found it difficult not to be carried away. My dear husband had settled +a large income on me, for my own use, so I determined, as a safeguard, +to divide it in two, and use half for myself and half for gentlewomen +like your friend, who need a helping hand. I have done that now for +twenty-five years, but I give out of my abundance, my dear; it is easy +for me to give money; I deserve no credit for that." + +"You give time, too, and sympathy, and kindness. It's no use, Mrs +Willoughby. I've put you on the topmost pinnacle in my mind, and +nothing that you can say can pull you down. I think you are the best +woman in London!" + +"Dear, dear, you will turn my head! I'm not accustomed to such +wholesale flattery," cried Mrs Willoughby, laughing; then the car +stopped, and Claire made her adieux, and sprang lightly to the ground. + +The chauffeur had stopped before the wrong house, but he did not +discover his mistake as Claire purposely stood still until he had turned +the car and started to retrace his way westward. The evening was fine +though chill, and the air was refreshing after the crowded heat of Lady +---'s rooms. Claire had only the length of a block to walk, and she +went slowly, drawing deep breaths to fill her tired lungs. + +The afternoon had passed pleasantly enough, but it had left her feeling +flat and depressed. She questioned herself as to the cause of her +depression. Was she jealous of those other girls who lived lives of +luxury and idleness? Honestly she was not. She was not in the position +of a girl who had known nothing but poverty, and who therefore felt a +girl's natural longing for pretty rooms, pretty clothes, and a taste of +gaiety and excitement. Claire had known all these things, and could +know them again; neither was she in the position of a working girl who +has no one to help in the day of adversity, for a comfortable home was +open to her at any moment. No! she was not jealous: she probed still +deeper, and acknowledged that she was disappointed! Last time that she +had whistled in public-- + +Claire shook her head with an impatient toss. This was feeble. This +was ridiculous. A man whom she had met twice! A man whose mother had +refused an introduction. A man whom Janet-- + +"I must get to work, and prepare my lesson for Monday. Nothing like +good work to drive away these sentimental follies!" + +But Fate was not kind, for right before her eyes were a couple of lovers +strolling onward, the man's hand through the girl's arm, his head bent +low over hers. Claire winced at the sight, but the next moment her +interest quickened in a somewhat painful fashion, as the man +straightened himself suddenly, and swung apart with a gesture of +offence. The lovers were quarrelling! Now the width of the pavement +was between them; they strode onward, ostentatiously detached. Claire +smiled to herself at the childishness of the display. One moment +embracing in the open street, the next flaunting their differences so +boldly that every passer-by must realise the position! Surely a grown +man or woman ought to have more self-control. Then suddenly the light +of a lamp shone on the pair, and she recognised the familiar figures of +Mary Rhodes and Major Carew. He wore a long light overcoat. Cecil had +evidently slipped out of the house to meet him, for she was attired in +her sports coat and knitted cap. Poor Cecil! The interview seemed to +be ending in anything but a pleasant fashion. + +Claire lingered behind until the couple had passed her own doorway, let +herself in with her latch-key, and hastened to settle down to work. +When Cecil came in, she would not wish to be observed. Claire carried +her books to the bureau, so as to have her back to the fire, but before +she had been five minutes writing, she heard the click of the lock, and +Cecil herself came into the room. + +"Halloa! I saw the light go up. I thought it must be you." She was +silent for a couple of minutes, then spoke again in a sharp, summoning +voice: "Claire!" + +"Yes?" + +Claire turned round, to behold Cecil standing at the end of the dining- +table, her bare hands clasping its rim. She was so white that her lips +looked of a startling redness; her eyes met Claire with a defiant +hardness. + +"I want you to lend me five pounds _now_!" + +Claire's anxiety was swallowed in a rising of irritation which brought +an edge of coldness into her voice. + +"Five pounds! What for? Cecil, I have never spoken of it, I have never +worried you, but I've already paid--" + +"I know! I know! I'll pay you back. But I must have this to-night, +and I've nowhere else to go. It's important. I would lend it to you, +Claire, if it were in my power." + +"Cecil, I hate to refuse, but really--I _need_ my money! Just now I +need it particularly. I can't afford to go on lending. I'm dreadfully +sorry, but--" + +"Claire, please! I implore you, just this one time! I'll pay you +back... There's my insurance policy--I can raise something on that. +For pity's sake, Claire, help me this time!" + +Claire rose silently and went upstairs. It was not in her to refuse +such a request while a five-pound note lay in her desk upstairs. She +slipped the crackling paper into an envelope, and carried it down to the +parlour. Cecil took it without a word, and went back into the night. + +When she had gone, Claire gathered her papers together in a neat little +heap, ranged them in a corner of the bureau, and seated herself on a +stiff-backed chair at the end of the table. She looked as if she were +mounted on a seat of justice, and the position suited her frame of mind. +She felt angry and ill-used. Cecil had no right to borrow money from a +fellow-worker! The money in the bank was dwindling rapidly; the ten +guineas for Sophie would make another big hole. She did not grudge +that--she was eager and ready to give it for so good a cause; but _what_ +was Cecil doing with these repeated loans? To judge from appearances, +she was rather poorer than richer during the last few months, while +bills for her new clothes came in again and again, and received no +settlement. An obstinate look settled on Claire's face. She determined +to have this thing out. + +In ten minutes' time Cecil was back again, still white, still defiant, +meeting Claire's glance with a shrug, seating herself at the opposite +end of the table with an air of callous indifference to what should come +next. + +"Well?" + +"Well?" + +"You look as if you had something to say!" + +"I have. Cecil, what are you doing with all this money?" + +"That's my business, I suppose!" + +"I don't see it, when the money is mine! I think I have the right to +ask?" + +"I've told you I'll pay you back!" + +"That's not the question. I want to know what you are doing _now_! You +are not paying your bills." + +"I'll sell out some shares to-morrow, and--" + +"You shall do no such thing. I can wait, and I will wait, but I can't +go on lending; and if I did, it could do you no good. Where does the +money go? It does _you_ no good!" + +"I am the best judge of that." + +"Cecil, _are you lending money to that man_?" + +The words leapt out, as on occasion such words will leap, without +thought or premeditation on the speaker's part. She did not intend to +speak them; if she had given herself one moment for reflection she dared +not have spoken them; when their sound struck across the quiet room she +was almost as much startled as Cecil herself; yet heart and brain +approved their utterance; heart and brain pronounced that she had +discovered the truth. + +Cecil's face was a deep glowing red. + +"Really, Claire, you go too far! Why in the world should you think--" + +"I saw you with him now in the street. I could see that you were +quarrelling; you took no pains to hide it. You left him to come in to +me, and went back again. It seems pretty obvious." + +"Well! and if I did?" Cecil had plainly decided that denial was +useless. "I am responsible for the loan. What does it matter to you +who uses it?" + +But at that Claire's anger vanished, and she shrank back with a cry of +pain and shame. + +"And he _took_ it from you? Money! Took it from a girl he professes to +love--who is working for herself! Oh, Cecil, how _could_ he? How could +you allow him? How can you go on caring for such a man?" + +"Don't get hysterical, Claire, please. There's nothing so extraordinary +in a man being hard up. It's happened before now in the history of the +world. Frank has a position to keep up, and his father--I've told you +before how mean and difficult his father is, and it's so important that +Frank should keep on good terms just now.--He dare not worry him for +money. When he is going to make me a rich woman some day, why should I +refuse to lend him a few trifling pounds when he runs short? He's in an +expensive regiment; he belongs to an expensive Club; he is obliged to +keep up with the other men. If I had twice as much I would lend it with +pleasure." + +Claire opened her lips to say that at least no more borrowed money +should be supplied for Major Carew, but the words were never spoken. +Pity engulfed her, a passion of pity for the poor woman who a second +time had fallen under the spell of an unscrupulous man. Cecil's +explanation had fallen on deaf ears, for Claire could accept no excuses +for a man who borrowed from a woman to ensure comfort and luxury for +himself. An officer in the King's army! The thing seemed incredible; +so incredible that, for the first time, a rising of suspicion mingled +with her dislike. Mentally, she rehearsed the facts of Major Carew's +history as narrated by himself, and found herself doubting every one. +The beautiful house in the country--did it really exist? The eccentric +old father who refused to part with his gold--was he flesh and blood, or +a fictitious figure invented as a convenient excuse? The fortune which +was to enrich the future--_was_ there such a fortune? Or, if there +were, was Major Carew in truth the eldest son? Claire felt a +devastating helplessness her life abroad had left her ignorant of many +British institutions; she knew nothing of the books in which she might +have traced the Carew history; she had nothing to guide her but her own +feminine instinct, but if that instinct were right, what was to become +of Mary Rhodes? + +Her face looked so sad, so downcast, that Cecil's conscience was +pricked. + +"Poor old Claire!" she said gently, "how I do worry you, to be sure! +Never mind, my dear, I'll make it up to you one day. You've been a +brick to me, and I shan't forget it. And I'll go to my mother's for the +whole of the Easter holidays, and save up my pennies to pay you back. +The poor old soul felt defrauded because I stayed only a week at +Christmas, so she'll be thankful to have me. You can go to Brussels +with an easy mind, knowing that I'm out of temptation. That will be +killing two birds with one stone. What do you say to having cocoa now, +instead of waiting till nine o'clock? We've tired ourselves out with +all this fuss?" + + + +CHAPTER SIXTEEN. + +THE MEETING IN HYDE PARK. + +It was the end of May. The weather was warm and sunny, the windows of +the West End were gay with flowers; in the Park the great beds of +rhododendrons blazed forth in a glow of beauty. It was the season, and +a particularly gay and festive season at that. "Everybody" was in town, +including a few million "nobodies." There were clerks toiling by their +thousands in the City, chained all day long to their desks; there were +clerks' wives at home in the suburbs, toiling all day too, and sometimes +far into the night; there were typists, and shop assistants, and +prosperous heads of households, who worked steadily for five and a half +days a week, in order that their families might enjoy comfort and ease, +condensing their own relaxation into short Saturday afternoons. And +there were school-mistresses, too, who saw the sun through form-room +windows, but felt its call all the same--the call of the whole glad +spring--and grew restless, and nervous, and short in temper. It was not +the leaders of society whom they envied; they read of Court balls, and +garden parties, of preparations for Ascot and Henley with a serene +detachment, just as they read with indifference in the fashion page of a +daily newspaper that "Square watches are the vogue this season, and our +_elegantes_ are ordering several specimens of this dainty bauble to +match the prevailing colours of their costumes," the while they suffered +real pangs at the sight of an "alarming sacrifice" at twenty-nine and +six. The one was almost within their grasp; the other floated in the +nebulous atmosphere of a different sphere. + +In the staff-room at lunch-time the staff grew restless and critical. +The hot joints no longer appealed to their appetites, the watery +vegetables and heavy puddings became things abhorred. They thought of +cool salads and _compotes_ on ice, and hated the sight of the greasy +brown gravy. They blamed the cook, they blamed the Committee, they said +repeatedly, "Nobody thinks of _us_!" and exchanged anecdotes +illustrative of the dulness, the stupidity of their pupils. As for the +Matric. candidates, they would _all_ fail! There wasn't a chance for a +single one. The stupidest set of girls the school had ever possessed! +Oh, certainly they would all fail! + +"And then," said Mary Rhodes bitterly, "_we_ shall be blamed." + +The Arts mistress said with a sigh-- + +"Oh, wouldn't it be heavenly to run away from it all, and have a week- +end in the country! The gorse will be out, and the hawthorn still in +blossom. What's the very cheapest one could do it on for two days?" + +Mademoiselle said-- + +"Absolutely, _ma chere_, there is no help for it. It is necessary that +I have a distraction. I must buy a new hat." + +Sophie Blake said defiantly to herself-- + +"Crippled? Ridiculous! I _refuse_ to be crippled. I want to run, and +run, and run, and run, and dance, and sing, and jump about! I feel +pent! I feel caged! And all that precious money squandered on +injections..." + +The six weeks' course of treatment had been, from the doctor's point of +view, a complete success; from Sophie's a big disappointment. She +argued that she was still stiff, still in pain, that the improvement was +but small; he pointed out that without the injections she would of a +certainty have been worse, and since in arthritis even to remain +stationary was a success, to have improved in the smallest degree in six +weeks' time might be regarded as a triumph. He prescribed a restful +holiday during the Easter vacation, and a second course of treatment on +her return. Sophie resigned herself to do without new clothes for the +summer, and sold her most treasured possession, a diamond ring which had +belonged to her mother, so that the second ten pounds was secure. But +how was she to pay back the original loan? + +Meanwhile Mrs Willoughby was inquiring among her friends for a suitable +post, and had played the good fairy by arranging to send Sophie for the +Easter holidays to a country cottage on the Surrey heights, which she +ran as a health resort for gentlewomen. Here on a fine dry soil, the +air scented with the fragrant breath of the pines, with nothing to do, +and plenty of appetising food to eat, the Gym. mistress's general health +improved so rapidly that she came back to school with her thin cheeks +quite filled out. + +"Very satisfactory," said the doctor. "Now I shall be able to get on to +stronger doses!" + +"What's the good of getting better, only to be made worse?" cried Sophie +in rebellion. + +Cecil's loan remained unpaid. She had spent her holidays with her +mother as arranged, but her finances did not appear to have profited +thereby. Dunning for bills became so incessant that the landlady spoke +severely of the "credit of the house." She went out constantly in the +evening, and several times Claire heard Major Carew's voice at the door, +but he never came into the house, and there was no talk of an open +engagement. + +As for Claire herself, she had had a happy time in Brussels, staying +with both English and Belgian friends and re-visiting all the old +haunts. She thoroughly enjoyed the change, but could not honestly say +that she wished the old life to return. If she came back with a heavy +heart, it was neither poverty nor work which she feared, but rather the +want of that atmosphere of love and kindliness which make the very +essence of home. At the best of times Mary Rhodes was a difficult +companion and far from affectionate in manner, but since the giving of +that last loan, there had arisen a mental barrier which it seemed +impossible to surmount. It had become difficult to keep up a +conversation apart from school topics, and both girls found themselves +dreading the evening's _tete-a-tete_. + +Claire felt like a caged bird beating against the bars. She wanted an +outlet from the school life, and the call of the spring was insistent to +one who until now had spent the summer in wandering about some of the +loveliest scenes in Europe. She wearied of the everlasting streets, and +discovered that by hurrying home after afternoon school, making a quick +change of clothing, and catching a motor-'bus at the corner of the road, +she could reach Hyde Park by half-past five, and spend a happy hour +sitting on one of the green chairs, enjoying the beauty of the flowers, +and watching the never-ending stream of pedestrians and vehicles. +Sometimes she recognised Mrs Willoughby and Janet bowling past in their +luxurious motor, but they never saw her, and she was not anxious that +they should. What she wanted was to sit still and rest. Sometimes a +smartly-dressed woman, obviously American, would seat herself on the +next chair, and inquire as to the best chance of seeing the Queen, and +the question being amiably answered, would proceed to unasked +confidences. She thought England "sweet." She had just come over to +this side. She was staying till the fall. Who was the lady in the +elegant blue auto? The London fashions were just too cute! When they +parted, the fair American invariably said, "Pleased to have met you!" +and looked as though she meant it into the bargain, and Claire whole- +heartedly echoed the sentiment. She liked these women with their keen, +child-like enthusiasm, their friendly, gracious ways. In contrast to +them the ordinary Englishwoman seemed cold and aloof. + +One brilliant afternoon when the Park was unusually bright and gay, +Claire was seated near the Achilles statue, carelessly scanning the +passers-by, when, with a sudden leap of the heart, she saw Erskine +Fanshawe some twenty yards ahead, strolling towards her, accompanied by +two ladies. He was talking to his companions with every appearance of +enjoyment, and had no attention to spare for the rows of spectators on +the massed green chairs. Claire felt the blood rush to her face in the +shock of surprise and agitation. She had never contemplated the +possibility of such a meeting, for Captain Fanshawe had not appeared the +type of man who would care to take part in a fashionable parade, and the +sudden appearance of the familiar face among the crowd made her heart +leap with a force that was physically painful. Then, the excitement +over, she realised with a second pang, almost as painful as the first, +that in another minute he would have passed by, unseeing, unknowing, to +disappear into space for probably months to come. At the thought +rebellion arose in her heart. She felt a wild impulse to leave her seat +and advance towards him; she longed with a sudden desperation of longing +to meet his eyes, to see his smile, but pride held her back. She sat +motionless watching with strained eyes. + +One of Captain Fanshawe's companions was old, the other young--a pretty, +fashionably-dressed girl, who appeared abundantly content with her +escort. All three were watching with amusement the movements of a stout +elderly dame, who sauntered immediately ahead, leading by a leash a +French poodle, fantastically shaved, and decorated with ribbon bows. +The stout dame was evidently extravagantly devoted to her pet, and +viewed with alarm the approach of a jaunty black and white terrier. + +The terrier cocked his ears, and elevating his stump of a tail, yapped +at the be-ribboned spaniel with all a terrier's contempt, as he advanced +to the attack. The stout dame screamed, dropped the leash, and hit at +the terrier with the handle of her parasol. The poodle evidently +considering flight the best policy, doubled and fled in the direction of +the green chairs, to come violently to anchor against Claire's knee. +The crowd stared, the stout dame hurried forward. Claire, placing a +soothing hand on the dog's head, lifted a flushed, smiling face, and in +so doing caught the lift of a hat, met for the moment the glance of +startled eyes. + +The stout lady was not at all grateful. She spoke as sharply as though +Claire, and Claire alone, had been the cause of her pet's upset. She +strode majestically away, leaving Claire trembling, confused, living +over again those short moments. She had seen him; he had seen her! He +was alive and well, living within a few miles of herself, yet as far +apart as in another continent. It was six months since they had last +met. It might be six years before they met again. But he had seemed +pleased to see her. Short as had been that passing glance, there was no +mistaking its interest. He was surprised, but pleasure had overridden +surprise. If he had been alone, he would have hurried forward with +outstretched hand. In imagination she could see him coming, his grave +face lightened with joy. Oh, if _only, only_ he had been alone! But he +was with friends; he had the air of being content and interested, and +the girl was pretty, far prettier than Janet Willoughby. + +"Good afternoon!" + +She turned gasping; he was standing before her, holding out his hand. +He had left his companions and come back to join her. His face looked +flushed, as though he had rushed back at express speed. He had seemed +interested and content, and the girl was pretty, yet he had come back to +her! He seated himself on the chair by her side, and looked at her with +eager eyes. + +"I haven't seen you for six months!" + +"I was just--" Claire began impulsively, drew herself up, and finished +demurely--"I suppose it is." + +"You haven't been at either of Mrs Willoughby's `At Homes.'" + +"No; but I've seen a good deal of them all the same. They have been so +kind." + +"Don't you care for the `At Homes'? I asked Mrs Willoughby about you, +and she seemed to imply that you preferred not to go." + +"Oh, no! Oh, no! That was quite wrong. I _did_ enjoy that evening. +It was a--a misunderstanding, I think," said Claire, much exercised to +find an explanation of what could really not be explained. Of the third +"At Home" she had heard nothing until this moment, and a pang of +retrospective disappointment mingled with her present content. "I have +been to the house several times when they were alone," she continued +eagerly. "They even asked me on Christmas Day." + +"I know," he said shortly. "I was in Saint Moritz, skating in the +sunshine, when I heard how you were spending _your_ Christmas holidays." +His face looked suddenly grim and set. "A man feels pretty helpless at +a time like that. I didn't exactly enjoy myself for the rest of that +afternoon." + +"That was stupid of you, but--but very nice all the same," Claire said +softly. "It wouldn't have made things easier for me if other people had +been dull, and, after all, I came off better than I expected." + +"You were all alone--in your Grand Hotel?" + +"Only for a week." Claire resolutely ignored the hit. "Then my friend +came back, and we made some little excursions together, and enjoyed +being lazy, and getting up late, and reading lots of nice books. I had +made all sorts of good resolutions about the work I was going to get +through in the holidays, but I never did one thing." + +"Do you often come to the Park?" + +Claire felt a pang of regret. Was it possible that even this simple +pleasure was to be denied her? She knew too well that if she said +"yes," Captain Fanshawe would look out for her again, would come with +the express intention of meeting her. To say "yes" would be virtually +to consent to such meetings. It was a temptation which took all her +strength to reject, but rejected it must be. She would not stoop to the +making of a rendez-vous. + +"I have been several times, but I shan't be able to come any more. We +get busier towards the end of the term. Examinations--" + +Captain Fanshawe straightened himself, and said in a very stiff voice-- + +"I also, unfortunately, am extremely busy, so I shall not be able to see +the rhododendrons in their full beauty. I had hoped you might be more +fortunate." + +Claire stared at a passing motor, of which she saw nothing but a moving +mass; when she turned back it was to find her companion's eyes fixed on +her face, with an expression half guilty, half appealing, altogether +ingratiating. At the sight her lips twitched, and suddenly they were +laughing together with a delicious consciousness of understanding. + +"Well!" he cried, "it's true! I mean it! There's no need to stay away +because of me; but as I _am_ here to-day, and it's my last chance, won't +you let me give you tea? If we walk along to Victoria Gate--" + +Claire thought with a spasm of longing of the little tables under the +awning; of the pretty animated scene; but no, it might not be. Her +acquaintance with this man was too casual to allow her to accept his +hospitality in a public place. + +"Thank you very much, but I think not. I would rather stay here." + +"Well, at any rate," he said defiantly, "I've paid for my chair, and you +can't turn me out. Of course, you can move yourself." + +"But I don't want to move. I like being here. I'm very glad to see +you. I should like very much to have tea, too. Oh, if you don't +understand I can't explain!" cried poor Claire helplessly; and instantly +the man's expression altered to one of sympathy and contrition. + +"I do understand! Don't mind what I say. Naturally it's annoying, but +you're right, I suppose--you're perfectly right. I am glad, at any +rate, that you allow me to talk to you for a few minutes. You are +looking very well!" His eyes took her in in one rapid comprehensive +sweep, and Claire thanked Providence that she had put on her prettiest +dress. "I am glad that you are keeping fit. Did you enjoy your holiday +in Belgium?" + +"How did you know I was in Belgium?" + +He laughed easily, but ignored the question. + +"You have good news of your mother, I hope?" + +"Very good. She loves the life, and is very happy and interested, and +my stepfather writes that his friends refuse to believe in the existence +of a grown-up daughter. He is so proud of her youthful looks." + +"How much did you tell her about your Christmas holidays?" + +"All the nice bits! I don't approve of burdening other people!" + +"Evidently not. Then there have been burdens? You've implied that! +Nothing by any chance, in which a man--fairly intelligent, and, in this +instance, keen after work--could possibly be of some use?" + +The two pairs of eyes met, gazed, held one another steadily for a long +eloquent moment. + +"Yes," said Claire. + +Captain Fanshawe bent forward quickly, holding his stick between his +knees. The side of his neck had flushed a dull red colour. For several +moments he did not speak. Claire had a curious feeling that he could +not trust his voice. + +"Good!" he said shortly at last. "Now may I hear?" + +"I should like very much to ask you some questions about--about a man +whom I think you may know." + +The grey eyes came back to her face, keen and surprised. + +"Yes! Who is he?" + +"A Major Carew. His Christian name is Frank. He belongs to your Club." + +"I know the fellow. Yes! What do you want to know about him?" + +"Everything, I think; everything you can tell me!" + +"You know him personally, then? You've met him somewhere?" + +"Yes," Claire answered to the last question, "and I'm anxious--I'm +interested to know more. Do you know his people, or anything about +him?" + +"I don't know them personally. I know Carew very slightly. Good +family, I believe. Fine old place in Surrey." + +The Elizabethan manor house was true, then! Claire felt relieved, but +not yet satisfied. Her suspicion was so deep-rooted that it was not +easily dispelled. She sat silent for a moment, considering her next +question. + +"Is he the eldest son?" + +"I believe he is. I've always understood so." + +The eldest son of a good family possessing a fine old place! Claire +summoned before her the picture of the coarse florid-faced man who had +tried to flirt with her in the presence of the woman to whom he was +engaged; a man who stooped to borrow money from a girl who worked for +her own living. _What_ excuse could there be for such a man? She drew +her brows together in puzzled fashion, and said slowly-- + +"Then surely, if he is the heir, he ought to be rich!" + +"It doesn't necessarily follow. I should say Carew was not at all +flush. Landed property is an expensive luxury in these days. I've +heard, too, that the father is a bit of a miser. He may not be generous +in the matter of allowance!" + +Claire sat staring ahead, buried in thought, and Captain Fanshawe stared +at her in his turn, and wondered once more why this particular girl was +different from every other girl, and why in her presence he felt a +fullness of happiness and content. She was very pretty; but pretty +girls were no novelty in his life; he knew them by the score. It was +not her beauty which attracted him, but a mysterious affinity which made +her seem nearer to him than he had hitherto believed it possible for any +human creature to be. He had recognised this mysterious quality at +their first meeting; he had felt it more strongly at Mrs Willoughby's +"At Home"; six months' absence had not diminished his interest. Just +now, when he had caught sight of her flushed upturned face, his heart +had leapt with a violence which startled him out of his ordinary calm. +Something had happened to him. When he had time he must think the thing +out and discover its meaning. But how did she come to be so uncommonly +interested in Carew? He met Claire's eyes, and she asked falteringly-- + +"I wish you would tell me what you think of him personally! Do you +think he is--nice?" + +"Tell me first what you think yourself." + +"Honestly? You won't mind?" + +"Not one single little bit! I told you he is a mere acquaintance." + +"Then," said Claire deliberately, "I think he is the most horrible, +detestable, insufferable, altogether despicable creature I have ever met +in the whole of my life!" + +"What! What! I say, you _are_ down on him!" Captain Fanshawe stared, +beamed with an obvious relief, then hastened to defend an absent man. +"You're wrong, you know; really you're wrong! I don't call Carew the +most attractive fellow you can meet; rather rough manners, don't you +know, but he's all right--Carew's all right. You mustn't judge by +appearances, Miss Gifford. Some of the most decent fellows in the Club +are in his set. Upon my word, I think he is quite a good sort." +Captain Fanshawe waxed the more eloquent as Claire preserved her +expression of incredulous dislike. He looked at her curiously, and +said, "I suppose I mustn't ask--I suppose you couldn't tell me exactly +why you are so interested in Carew?" + +"I'm afraid not. No; I'm afraid I can't," Claire said regretfully. +Then suddenly there flashed through her mind a remembrance of the many +tangles and misunderstandings which take place in books for want of a +little sensible out-speaking. She looked into Captain Fanshawe's face +with her pretty dark-lashed eyes and said honestly, "I wanted to know +about him for the sake of--another person? _Nothing_ to do with myself! +I have only met him twice. I hope I shall never meet him again!" + +"Thank you," said the man simply, and at the time neither of the two +realised the full significance of those quiet words. It was only on +living over the interview on her return home that Claire remembered and +understood! + +For the next quarter of an hour they abandoned the personal note, and +discussed the various topics of the hour. They did not always agree, +and neither was of the type to be easily swayed from a preconceived +opinion, but always they were interested, always they felt a sympathy +for the other view, never once was there a fraction of a pause. They +had so much to say that they could have talked for hours. + +Gradually the Park began to empty, the string of motors grew less, the +crowd on the footpath no longer lounged, but walked quickly with a +definite purpose; the green chairs stood in rows without a single +occupant. Claire looked round, realised her isolation, drew an +involuntary sigh, and rose in her turn. + +"It's getting late. I must be hurrying home. I go to the Marble Arch +and take a motor-'bus. Please don't let me take you out of your way!" + +He looked at her straightly but did not reply, and they paced together +down the broad roadway, past the sunken beds of rhododendrons with the +fountain playing in the centre, towards the archway which seemed to both +so unnecessarily near! Claire thought of the six months which lay +behind, saw before her a vision of months ahead unenlightened by another +meeting, and felt suddenly tired and chill. Captain Fanshawe frowned +and bit at his lower lip. + +"I am going away to-morrow. We shall be in camp. In August I am taking +part of my leave to run up to Scotland, but I can always come to town if +I'm needed, or if there's a special inducement. I came up for both the +Willoughbys' `At Homes.'" + +"Did you?" Claire said feebly, and fell a-thinking. The inference was +too plain to be misunderstood. The "special inducement" in this +instance had been the hope of meeting herself. Actually it would appear +that he had travelled some distance to ensure this chance, but the +chance had been deliberately denied. Kind Mrs Willoughby would have +welcomed her with open arms; it was Janet who had laid the ban. Janet +was friendly, almost affectionate. As spring progressed she had +repeatedly called at Saint Cuthbert's after afternoon school and carried +Claire off for refreshing country drives. Quite evidently she enjoyed +Claire's society, quite evidently also she preferred to enjoy it when +other visitors were not present. Claire was not offended, for she knew +that there was no taint of snobbishness in this decision; she was just +sorry, and, in a curious fashion, remorseful into the bargain. She did +not argue out the point, but instinctively she felt that Janet, not +herself, was the one to be pitied! + +They reached the end of the footpath: in another minute they would be in +the noise and bustle of Oxford Street. Erskine Fanshawe came to an +abrupt halt, faced Claire and cried impulsively-- + +"Miss Gifford!" + +"Yes?" + +Claire shrank instinctively. She knew that she was about to be asked a +question which it would be difficult to answer. + +Erskine planted his stick on the ground, and stared straight into her +eyes. + +"Why are you so determined to give me no chance of meeting you again?" + +"I--I'm _not_ determined! I hope we _shall_ meet. Perhaps next +winter--at Mrs Willoughby's." + +He laughed grimly. + +"But if I were not content to wait for `perhaps next winter--at Mrs +Willoughby's.' ... What then?" + +Claire looked at him gravely. + +"What would you suggest? I have no home in London, and no relations, +and your mother, Captain Fanshawe, would not introduce me to you when +she had the chance!" + +He made a gesture of impatience. + +"Oh, my mother is the most charming of women--and the most indiscreet. +She acts always on the impulse of the moment. She introduced you to +Mrs Willoughby, or asked Mrs Willoughby to introduce herself, which +comes to the same thing. Surely that proves that she--she--" + +He broke off, finding a difficulty in expressing what he wanted to say; +but Claire understood, and emphatically disagreed. To enlist a friend's +sympathy was a very different thing from running the risk of entangling +the affections of an only son! Obviously, however, she could not +advance this argument, so they stood, the man and the girl, looking at +one another, helpless, irresolute, while the clock opposite ticked +remorselessly on. Then, with an abruptness which lent added weight to +his words, Erskine said boldly-- + +"I want to meet you again! I am not content to wait upon chance." + +Claire did not blush; on the contrary, the colour faded from her cheeks. +Most certainly she also was not content, but she did not waver in her +resolution. + +"I'm afraid there's nothing else for it. It's one of the hardships of a +working girl's life that she can't entertain or make plans. It seems +more impossible to me, perhaps, from having lived abroad where +conventions are so strict. English girls have had more freedom. I +don't see what I can do. I'm sorry!"--she held out her hand in +farewell. "I hope some day I _shall_ see you again!" + +Quite suddenly Captain Fanshawe's mood seemed to change. The set look +left his face; he smiled--a bright confident smile. + +"There's not much fear about that! I shall take very good care that we +do!" + + + +CHAPTER SEVENTEEN. + +GOD'S OPPORTUNITY. + +After the meeting with Captain Fanshawe in the Park, Claire's +relationship with Mary Rhodes sensibly improved. In the first place, +her own happiness made her softer and more lenient in her judgment, for +she _was_ deeply, intensely happy, with a happiness which all her +reasonings were powerless to destroy. + +"My dear, what nonsense!" she preached to herself in elderly +remonstrating fashion. "You met the man, and he was pleased to see +you--he seemed quite anxious to meet you again. Perfectly natural! +Pray don't imagine any special meaning in _that_! You looked quite an +attractive little girl in your pretty blue dress, and men like to talk +to attractive little girls. I dare say he says just the same to dozens +of girls!" So spake the inner voice, but spoke in vain. The best +things of life are beyond reasoning. As in religion reason leads us, as +it were, to the very edge of the rock of proven fact, then faith takes +wing, and soars above the things of earth into the great silence where +the soul communes with God, so in love there comes to the heart a +sweetness, a certainty, which no reasoning can shake. As Erskine's eyes +had looked into hers in those moments of farewell, Claire had realised +that between this man and herself there existed a bond which was +stronger than spoken word. + +So far as she could foresee, they were hopelessly divided by the +circumstances of life, but in the first dawn of love no lover troubles +himself about what the future may bring; the sweetness of the present is +all-sufficient. Claire was happy, and longed for every one else to be +as happy as herself. Moreover, her suspicions concerning Major Carew +had been lulled to rest by Erskine's favourable pronouncement. +Personally she did not like him, but this was, after all, a matter of +taste; she could not approve his actions, but conceivably there might be +explanations of which she was unaware. Her manner to Cecil regained its +old spontaneous friendliness, and Cecil responded with almost pathetic +readiness. In her ungracious way she had grown fond of her pretty, +kindly companion, and had missed the atmosphere of home which her +presence had given to the saffron parlour. As they sat over their +simple supper, she would study Claire's face with a questioning glance, +and one night the question found vent in words. + +"You look mightily pleased with yourself, young woman! Your eyes are +sparkling as if you were having a firework exhibition on your own +account. I never saw a school-mistress look so perky at the end of the +summer term! Look as if you'd come into a fortune!" + +"Wish I had!" sighed Claire, thankful to switch the conversation on to a +safe topic. "It would come in most usefully at the moment. What are +you going to do for the summer hols, Cecil? Is there any possibility +of--" + +"No," Cecil said shortly. "And the regiment is going into camp, so he +will be out of town. I'm not bothering my head about holidays--quite +enough to do with this wretched Matric. The Head is keen to make a good +show this year, for the Dulwich School beat us last year, and, as usual, +all the responsibility and all the blame is put on the poor mistresses. +You can't make girls work if they don't want, you can't cram their +brains when they've no brains to cram; but those wretched examiners send +a record of all the marks, so you can see exactly where they fall short. +Woe betide the mistress who is responsible for that branch! I wouldn't +mind prophesying that if the German doesn't come out better than last +year, Fraulein will be packed off. I wouldn't be too sure of myself. +I've done all right so far, but the Head is not as devoted to me as she +might be. I don't think she'd be sorry to have an excuse for getting +rid of me. That's one of the delightful aspects of our position--we are +absolutely at the mercy of a woman who, from sheer force of +circumstances, becomes more of an autocrat every year. The Committee +listen to her, and accept every word she says; the staff know better +than to dispute a single order. We'd stand on our head in rows if she +made it a rule! The pupils scuttle like rabbits when they see her +coming, and cheer themselves hoarse every time she speaks. No human +woman can live in that atmosphere for years and keep a cool head!" + +"She's rather a dear, though, all the same!" Claire said loyally. She +had been hurt by the lack of personal interest which Miss Farnborough +showed in the different members of her staff, but she was unwilling to +brand her as a heartless tyrant. "Anyway," she added hastily, "you are +not satisfied here. If you were going on teaching I should have thought +you'd be glad of a change. It would be easy to get another school." + +Mary Rhodes looked at her; a long eloquent glance. + +"With a good testimonial--yes! Without a good testimonial--no! A +testimonial for twelve years' work depends on one woman, remember--on +her prejudice or good nature, on the mood in which she happens to be on +one particular day. It might read quite differently because she +happened to have a chill on her liver." + +"My dear! there _is_ a sense of justice! There is such a thing as +honesty." + +"My dear, I agree. Even so, would you dare to say that the wording of a +testimonial would be unaffected by the writer's mood?" + +"Surely twelve years in one school--" + +"No, it wouldn't! Not necessarily. `Miss Rhodes has been English +Mistress at Saint Cuthbert's for twelve years. Of late has been erratic +in temper. Health uncertain. Examination records less satisfactory.' +Well! If you represented another school, would _you_ engage Miss +Rhodes?" + +Claire was silent. For the first time she realised the danger of this +single-handed power. It meant--what might it not mean? It might mean +that the mistress who was unfortunate enough to incur the dislike of her +chief, might _never_ be able to procure another post! She might be +efficient, she might be hard-working; given congenial surroundings she +might develop into a treasure untold, yet just because of a depreciating +phrase in the wording of a testimonial, no chance would be vouchsafed. +No doubt the vast majority of head mistresses were women of judgment, +possessing a keen sense of justice and responsibility, yet the fact +remained that a hasty impulse, a little access of temper in penning +those all-important lines, might mean the end of a career, might mean +poverty, might mean ruin! + +Claire shivered, looked across the table at the thin, fretted face and +made a hesitating appeal-- + +"Cecil dear, I know you are a good teacher. I just love to hear you +talking over your lessons, but you _are_ irritable! One of my girls was +crying the other day. You had given so much homework, and she didn't +understand what was to be done, and said she daren't ask. You had been +`so cross!' I made a guess at what you wanted, and by good chance I was +right; but if I'd been wrong, the poor thing would have been in +disgrace, and honestly it wasn't her fault! She was willing enough." + +"Oh, that imbecile Gladys Brown! I know what you mean. I'd explained +it a hundred times. If she'd the brains of a cow she'd have understood. +No wonder I was cross. I should have been a saint if I wasn't, and no +one can be a saint in the summer term. Did--did any one else see her +cry?" + +"I think not. No, I managed to comfort her; but if Miss Farnborough had +happened to come in just at that moment--" + +Cecil shrugged and turned the subject, but she took the hint, to the +benefit of her pupils during the next few weeks. + +July came in, and with it a spell of unbearable heat. In country places +and by the seashore there was space and air, and clean fragrant +surroundings; but over London hung a misty pall, and not a branch of the +dusty trees quivered to the movement of a passing breeze. It was a +thunderous, unnatural heat which sapped every scrap of vitality, and +made every movement a dread. + +Claire was horrified at the effect of this heat wave on Sophie Blake. +In superficial fashion she had always believed that rheumatism must be +better in hot weather; but, according to the specialist, such heat as +this was more trying than damp or cold, and Sophie's stiffness increased +with alarming suddenness. + +There came a day when by no effort of will could she get through her +classes, when sheer necessity drove her to do the thing she had dreaded +most of all--inform the Head that she could not go on with her work. + +Miss Farnborough was seated in her private room, and listened with grave +attention to what the Games mistress had to say. Her forehead puckered +in surprise as she noted Sophie's halting gait, and the while she +listened, her keen brain was diving back into the past, collecting +impressions. She had seen less than usual of Miss Blake during the +term; once or twice she had received the impression that Miss Blake +avoided her approach; Miss Blake had been looking pale. She waited +until Sophie had finished speaking, her hands folded on her knee, her +penetrating eye fixed on the girl's face. Then she spoke-- + +"I am sorry to hear this, Miss Blake. Your work has been excellent +hitherto, but rheumatism is a serious handicap. You say that this heat +is responsible for the present attack? Am I to understand that it is a +first attack--that you have had no threatening before?" + +"I have been rheumatic all winter, more or less. Before the Easter +holidays it was pretty bad. I began to feel stiff." + +Miss Farnborough repeated the word gravely. + +"Stiff! That was bad; that was very bad! How could you take your +classes if you were feeling stiff?" + +"I managed somehow!" Sophie said. + +For a moment she had imagined that the Head Mistress's concern had been +on her account; she believed it no longer when she saw the flash of +indignation which lighted the grey eyes. + +"Managed--_somehow_? And you went on in that fashion--you were content +to go on!" + +"No. I was not content. I was very far from content. I suffered +horrible pain. I went to a specialist and paid him two guineas for his +advice. Since then I have paid twenty pounds for treatment." + +On Miss Farnborough's face the disapproval grew more and more +pronounced. + +"Miss Blake, I am afraid you have not been quite straightforward in this +matter. It appears that you have been ill for months, with an illness +which must necessarily have interfered with your work, and this is the +first time I hear about it. I am Head Mistress of this school; if +anything is wrong with a member of the staff, it is her first duty to +come to me. You tell me now that you have been ill for three months, +since before the last holidays, and acknowledge that you can go on no +longer." + +"In ten days we break up. I ask you to allow me ten extra days. The +weather is so hot that the girls would be thankful to escape the +exercises. By the end of the holidays I hope to be quite better." + +"The Easter holidays do not seem to have done you much good," Miss +Farnborough said cruelly. Then, seeing the girl flush, she added, "Of +course you shall have your ten days. I can see that you are unfit for +work, and we must manage without you till the end of the term. I am +very sorry for you, Miss Blake; very sorry, indeed. It is very trying +and upsetting and--and expensive into the bargain. Twenty pounds, did +you say? That is surely a great deal! Have you tried the shilling +bottles of gout and rheumatic pills? I have been told they are quite +excellent. But I must repeat that you have been wrong in not coming to +me sooner. As a pure matter of honesty, do you think that you were +justified in continuing to take classes for which you were unfit?" + +The tears started to Sophie's eyes; she lowered her lids to hide them +from sight. + +"The girls did not suffer," she said deeply. "I did the suffering!" + +Miss Farnborough moved impatiently. She was intensely practical and +matter-of-fact, and with all her heart hated any approach to sentiment. + +"You suffered _because_ you were unfit," she repeated coldly, "and your +obvious duty was to come to me. You must have known that under the +circumstances I should not have wished you to continue the classes!" + +Sophie was silent for a moment, then she said very quietly, very +deliberately-- + +"Yes, I did know; but I also knew that if I could nerve myself to bear +the pain and the fatigue, I _could_ train the girls as well as ever, and +I knew, too, that if you sent me away in the middle of term you would be +less likely to take me back. It means everything to me, you see. What +would happen to me if I were permanently invalided--without a pension-- +at thirty-one?" + +"You have been paid a good salary, Miss Blake--an exceptionally good +salary--because it is realised that your work is especially wearing. +You ought to have saved--" + +"If I had had no home claims I might have been able to save one or two +hundred pounds--not a very big life provision! As it happens, however, +I have given thirty pounds a year towards the education of a young +sister, and it has been impossible to save at all." + +"But now, of course, your sister will help _you_," Miss Farnborough +said, and turned briskly to another topic. "You said that you have been +to a specialist? Will you give me his address? I should like to +communicate with him direct. You understand, Miss Blake, that if this +stiffness continues, it will be impossible for you to continue your +duties here?" + +"Quite impossible," faltered Sophie, in low tones. + +Miss Farnborough pushed back her chair, and rose to her feet. + +"But one hopes, of course, that all may go well. I have never had any +complaint to make with respect to your work. You have been very +successful, very popular with the girls. I should be sorry to lose you. +Be sure to let me know how you go on. Perhaps I had better be guided +by Dr Blank. I should try the pills, I think; they are worth trying. +And avoid the sea; sea air is bad for rheumatism. Try some high inland +place. We had better say good-bye, now, I suppose, as you will not come +back after to-night. Good-bye, my dear. Let me hear soon. All good +wishes for your recovery." + +Sophie left the room, and made her way upstairs to the Staff-Room. She +moved very slowly, partly because every movement was an effort, partly +because the familiar objects on which her eyes rested became suddenly +instinct with new interest. For ten long working years she had passed +them daily with indifference, but this afternoon it was borne in upon +her that she would never see them again, and the conviction brought with +it a bitter pang. After all, they had been happy years, spent in a +bustle of youthful life and energy, in an atmosphere of affection, too, +for the girls were warm-hearted, and the "Gym. mistress" had been +universally popular. Even as the thought passed through Sophie's mind, +one of her special adorers appeared suddenly at the far end of the +corridor and hurried forward to meet her. + +"Miss Blake! Darling! You look so white. Are you faint? Take my arm; +lean on me. Were you going to lie down?" + +"I'm going to the Staff-Room. I can manage myself; but, Gladys, find +Miss Gifford, and ask her to come to me as soon as she is free. Tell +her I'm not well. You're a dear girl, Gladys. Thank you for being so +kind to me all these years." + +Gladys rolled adoring blue eyes, and sped on her mission. The next +morning she realised that those thanks had been darling Miss Blake's +farewell, and shed bitter tears; but for the moment she was filled with +complaisance. + +Claire appeared in due time, heard what had happened, and helped Sophie +to collect her various small belongings. The other teachers had already +dispersed, so the ordeal of leave-taking was avoided. + +"You can explain when you meet them next term!" said Claire. + +"I can write my good-byes," corrected Sophie. She blinked away a few +tears and said piteously, "Not much chance for me if she consults Dr +Blank! He's as much discouraged as I am myself. What do you suppose he +will advise now? I suppose I'll have to see him to-morrow." + +"And lie awake all to-night, wondering what he will say! We'll do +better than that--we'll call this very afternoon. If he is in, I'm sure +he will see us, and a day saved is a day gained. I'll get a taxi." + +"Another taxi! I'm ruining you, Claire. How I do hate sponging on +other people!" + +"Wouldn't you do it for me, if things were reversed?" + +"Of course I should, but it's so much more agreeable to help than to be +helped. It's ignoble, I suppose, but I do hate to feel grateful!" + +"Well! No one could by any possibility call you _gracious_, my dear. +Is that any consolation?" cried Claire mischievously, and Sophie was +surprised into the travesty of a smile. + +Dr Blank was at home, and listened to what Sophie had to tell him with +grave attention. He expressed satisfaction to hear that her holidays +had begun, but when questioned as to his probable report to Miss +Farnborough, had no consolation to offer. + +"I am afraid I must tell you honestly that you are not fit for the work. +Of course, it is quite possible that there may be a great improvement +by September, but, even so, you would be retarding your recovery by +going on with such exhausting work. You must try to find something +lighter." + +Sophie laughed, and her laugh was not good to hear. + +Claire said firmly-- + +"She _shall_ find it! I will find it for her. There's no need to worry +about September. What we want to know is what she is to do _now_?--to- +morrow--for the rest of the holidays?" + +"I can't afford any more injections! They've done me no good, and they +cost too much. I can't afford any more treatments. I can only take +medicines. If you will give me some medicines--" + +Dr Blank sat silent; tapping his desk with noiseless fingers; staring +thoughtfully across the room. It was evident that he had a proposition +to make; evident also that he doubted its reception. + +"The best thing under the circumstances--the wisest thing," he said +slowly at last, "would be for you to go into hospital as an ordinary +patient. I could get you a bed in one of my own wards, where I could +look after you myself, in consultation with the first men in town. You +could have massage, electricity, radium, heat baths, every appliance +that could possibly be of use, and you could stay on long enough to give +them a chance. It would be an ordinary ward, remember, an ordinary bed +in an ordinary ward, and your neighbours would not be up to Newnham +standard! You would be awakened at five in the morning, and settled for +the night at eight. You would have to obey rules, which would seem to +you unnecessary and tiresome. You would be, I am afraid, profoundly +bored. On the other hand, you would have every attention that skill and +science can devise. You would not have to pay a penny, and you would +have a better chance than a duchess in a ducal palace. Think it over, +and let me know! If you decide to go, I'll manage the rest. Take a +day--a couple of days." + +"I won't take two minutes, thank you! I'll decide now. I'll go, of +course, and thank you very much!" + +Dr Blank beamed with satisfaction. + +"Sensible girl! Sensible girl! That's right! That's right! That's +very good! You are doing the right thing, and we'll all do our best for +you, and your friend here will come to see you and help to make the time +pass. Interesting study, you know; valuable opportunity of studying +character if you look at it in that light! Why not turn it into +literary capital? `Sketches from a Hospital Bed,' `My Neighbours in B +Ward,' might make an uncommonly good series. Who knows? We may have +you turning out quite a literary star!" + +Sophie smiled faintly, being one of the people who would rather walk +five miles than write the shortest letter. Many unexpected things +happen in this world, but it was certain that her own rise to literary +eminence would never swell the number! But she knew that Dr Blank was +trying to cheer her, so she kept that certainty to herself. + +The two girls made their way back to Sophie's lodgings, and discussed +the situation over the ever-comforting tea. + +"I shall have to give my landlady notice," Sophie said, looking +wistfully round the little room which had been so truly a home. "If I'm +to be in hospital for many weeks, it's folly to go on paying the rent; +and in any case I can't afford so much now. One can't have doctor's +bills, and other luxuries as well. What shall I have to take into +hospital? Will they allow me to wear my own things? I don't think I +_could_ get better in a calico night-dress! Pretty frills and a blue +ribbon bow are as good as a tonic, but will the authorities permit? +Have you ever seen ribbon bows in a hospital bed?" + +"I haven't had much experience, but I should think they would be +encouraged, as a ward decoration! I hope so, I'm sure, for I mean to +present you with a duck of a dressing-jacket!" + +"Oh, nothing more, Claire; don't give me anything more. I shall never +be able to pay you back," cried Sophie; then, in a voice of poignant +suffering, she cried sharply, "Oh, Claire, my little sister! _What_ is +to become of my little sister? If I am not able to help, if I need to +be helped myself, her education will be interrupted, for it will be +impossible to go on paying. Oh, it's too hard--too dreadful! +Everything seems so hopeless and black!" + +"Yes, it does. The way seems blocked. One can't see a step ahead. +_Man's extremity_, Sophie!" cried Claire deeply--"_Man's extremity_;" +and at that a gleam of light came into Sophie's eyes. + +"Yes, yes! That's just what it is. Thanks for reminding me. _God's +opportunity_!" Sophie leant back in her chair, staring dreamily into +space, till presently something of the old bright look came back to her +face. "And that," she said softly, "that's the kind of help it is sweet +to accept!" + + + +CHAPTER EIGHTEEN. + +AN INVITATION. + +With Sophie in hospital, pathetically anxious for visits, with the rent +of the Laburnum Road lodgings to pay whether one lived in them or not, +Claire nerved herself to spend August in town, with the prospect of a +September holiday to cheer her spirits. Through one of the other +mistresses she had heard of an ideal farmhouse near the sea where the +kindly housewife "mothered" her guests with affectionate care, where +food was abundant, and cream appeared upon the table at every meal-- +thick, yellow, country cream in which a spoon would stand upright. +There was also a hammock swung between two apple-trees in the orchard, a +balcony outside the bedroom window, and a shabby pony-cart, with a pony +who could really go. What could one wish for more? + +Claire planned a lazy month, lying in that hammock, reading stories +about other people, and dreaming still more thrilling romances about +herself; driving the pony along country lanes, going out on to the +balcony in the early morning to breathe the scent of honeysuckle, and +sweetbriar, and lemon thyme, and all the dear, old-world treasures to be +found in the gardens of well-conducted farmhouses. She had a craving +for flowers in these hot summer days; not the meagre sixpennyworth which +adorned the saffron parlour, but a wealth of blossom, bought without +consideration of cost. And one day, with the unexpectedness of a fairy +gift, her wish was fulfilled. + +It lay on the table when she returned from school--a long cardboard box +bearing the name of a celebrated West End florist, the word "fragile" +marked on the lid, and inside were roses, magnificent, half-opened roses +with the dew still on their leaves, the fat green stalks nearly a yard +in length--dozens of roses of every colour and shade, from the lustrous +whiteness of Frau Carl to the purple blackness of Prince Camille. +Claire gathered them in her arms, unconscious of the charming picture +which she made, in her simple blue lawn dress, with her glowing face +rising over the riot of colour, gathered them in a great handful, and +ran swiftly upstairs. + +There was no card inside the box, no message of any kind, but her heart +knew no doubt as to the sender, and she dare not face the fire of Mary +Rhodes' cross-examination. In the days of daffodils she had treated +herself to a high green column of a vase, which was an ideal receptacle +for the present treasures. When it was filled there were still nearly +half the number waiting for a home, so these were plunged deep into the +ewer until the morrow, when they would be taken to Sophie in hospital. +The little room was filled with beauty and fragrance, and Claire knew +moments of unclouded happiness as she looked around. + +Presently she extracted two roses from the rest, ran downstairs to +collect box, paper and string, and handed rubbish and roses together to +Lizzie at the top of the kitchen stairs. Lizzie received her share of +the treasures with dignity, cut off the giant stems, which she +considered straggly and out of place, and crammed the two heads into a +brown cream-jug, the which she deposited on a sunny window-ledge. +Claire saw them as she next left the house and shrugged resignedly, for +she was beginning to learn the lesson which many of us take a lifetime +to master, the wisdom of allowing people to enjoy themselves in their +own fashion! + +The Willoughbys were leaving town in mid July, _en route_ for +Switzerland, and later on for a Scottish shooting-box. Claire received +an invitation to tea on their last Saturday afternoon, and arrived to +find the drawing-room full of visitors. + +Malcolm Heward was assisting Janet at the tea-table, but with this +exception she recognised no one in the room, and was thankful for the +attentions of Master Reginald, who hailed her as an old acquaintance, +and reproached her loudly for not turning up at "Lord's." + +"I looked out for you, you know!" he said impressively, and Claire was +the more gratified by his remembrance because Malcolm Heward had +required a second introduction to awaken his recollection. It is no +doubt gratifying to the object of his devotion when a man remains blind +to every other member of her sex, but the other members may feel a +natural objection to be so ignored! Claire was annoyed by the necessity +of that second introduction, and as a consequence made herself so +fascinating to the boy who _had_ remembered, that he hugged the sweet +delusion that she considered him a man, and was seriously smitten by his +charms. He waited upon her with assiduity, gave her exclusive tips as +to her choice of cakes, and recited the latest funny stories which were +already stale in his own circles, but which came to her ears with +agreeable freshness. + +It was while the two were laughing together over an unexpected +_denouement_ that the departure of two guests left a space across which +Claire could see a far corner of the room, and perceived that a lady +seated on a sofa had raised a tortoiseshell-bound _lorgnon_, to stare +across at herself. She was an elderly lady, and at first sight her +appearance awoke no recollection. She was just a grey-haired woman, +attired in handsome black, in no way differentiated from one or two +other visitors of the same age: even when the _lorgnon_ dropped to her +side, disclosing a pair of very bright, very quizzical grey eyes, it was +a full moment before Claire realised that this was her acquaintance of +that first eventful journey to London, none other than Mrs Fanshawe +herself. There she sat, smiling, complacent, _grande dame_ as ever, +nodding with an air of mingled friendliness and patronage, laying one +hand on the vacant place by her side, with an action which was obviously +significant. Claire chose, however, to ignore the invitation, and after +a grave bow of acknowledgment, turned back to Reginald, keeping her eyes +resolutely averted from that far corner. It was Mrs Fanshawe herself +who was finally compelled to cross the room to make her greetings. + +"Miss Gifford! Surely it is Miss Gifford? Mrs Willoughby told me she +expected you this afternoon. And how are you, my dear, after this long +time?" + +The tone was all that was cordial and friendly. + +Claire stood up, tall and stately, and extended a perfectly gloved hand. +It was not in human nature to be perfectly natural at that moment. +Sub-consciously she was aware that, as the Americans would express it, +she was "putting on frills"; sub-consciously she was amused at the +artificiality of her own voice. + +"Quite well, thank you. Exceedingly flourishing!" + +"You look it," Mrs Fanshawe said, and seated herself ruthlessly in +Reginald's chair. "Tell me all about it! You were going to work, +weren't you? Some new-fangled idea of being independent. So ridiculous +for a pretty girl! And you've had--how long--nearly a year? Haven't +got tired of it yet, by any chance?" + +"Oh, yes; quite often I feel very tired, but I should have felt the same +about pleasuring, and work is more worth while. It has been very +interesting. I have learnt a great deal." + +"More than the pupils--hey?" chuckled Mrs Fanshawe shrewdly. "Don't +try to pretend that you are a model school-mistress. I know better! I +knew you were not the type when I saw you on that journey, and after a +year's trial you are less the type than ever." She screwed up her eyes +and looked Claire over with deliberate criticism up and down, down and +up. "No, my dear! Nature did _not_ intend you to be shut up in a +girls' school!" Suddenly she swerved to another topic. "What a journey +that was! I nearly expired. If it hadn't been for you, I should never +have survived. I told my son you had saved my life. That was my son +who met me on the platform!" + +Was it fancy that an expression of watchfulness had come into the gay +eyes? Claire imagined that she recognised such an expression, but, +being prepared for some such reference, had herself well in command. +Not a nicker of embarrassment passed over her face as she said quietly-- + +"Yes, I knew it was your son. I met Captain Fanshawe here one evening +last winter, so I have been introduced." + +Mrs Fanshawe waved her _lorgnon_, and murmured some vague words which +might, or might not, have been intended as an apology. + +"Oh, yes. So nice! Naturally, that morning I was worn-out. I did not +know what I was doing. I crawled into bed. Erskine told me about +meeting you, and of your pretty performance. Quite a professional +_siffleuse_! More amusing than school teaching, I should say. _And_ +more profitable. You ought to think of it as a profession. Erskine was +quite pleased. He comes here a great deal. Of course--" + +Mrs Fanshawe's smile deepened in meaning fashion, then suddenly she +sighed. "Very delightful for them, of course; but I see nothing of him. +We mothers of modern children have a lonely time. I used to wish for a +daughter, but perhaps, if I'd had one, _she_ would have developed a +fancy to fly off to India!" + +That was a hit at Claire, but she received it in silence, being a little +touched by the unaffected note of wistfulness in the other's voice as +she regretted her lonely estate. It _was_ hard to be a widow, and to +see so little of an only child, especially if that only child happened +to be so altogether charming and attractive! + +Mrs Fanshawe glanced across at the tea-table where Janet and her +cavalier were still busy ministering to the needs of fresh arrivals. + +"I asked Janet Willoughby to take pity on me for a few weeks this +summer, but she's too full up with her own plans. Says so, at least; +but I dare say it would have been different if-- Well, well! I have +been young myself, and I dare say I shouldn't have been too keen to +accept an invitation to stay in the country with only an old woman as +companion. Enjoy yourself while you are young, my dear. It gets more +and more difficult with every year you live." + +Claire made a protesting grimace. + +"Does it? That's discouraging. I've always flattered myself that it +would grow easier. When one is young, everything is vague and +unsettled, and naturally one feels anxious about what is to happen next. +It is almost impossible to be philosophical about the unknown, but when +your life has shaped itself, it ought to be easy to settle down and make +the best of it, and cultivate an easy mind." + +Mrs Fanshawe laughed. + +"Well reasoned, my dear, well reasoned! Most logical and sound. And +just as futile in practice as logical things usually are! You wouldn't +believe me if I told you that it is the very uncertainty which makes the +charm of youth, or that being certain is the bane of old age, but it's +the truth, all the same, and when you are sixty you will have discovered +it for yourself. Well! so my letter to Mrs Willoughby was of some use +after all? She did send you a card!" + +Claire looked across the room to where Mrs Willoughby sat. Hero- +worship is an instinct in hearts which are still fired with youth's +enthusiasm, and this stout, middle-aged woman was Claire's heroine _par +excellence_. She was _kind_, and to be kind is in good truth the +fulfilment of Christ's law. Among Claire's favourite books was +Professor Drummond's "The Greatest Thing in the World," with its +wonderful exposition of the thirteenth chapter of 1st Corinthians. When +she read its pages, her thoughts flew instinctively to this rich woman +of society, who was not puffed up, thought no evil, was not easily +provoked, suffered long, _and was kind_. + +The girl's eyes were eloquent with love and admiration as they rested on +the plain, elderly face, and the woman who was watching felt a stab of +envy at the sight. The old crave for the love of the young, and cherish +it, when found, as one of their dearest possessions, and despite the +natural gaiety of her disposition there were moments when Mrs Fanshawe +felt the burden of loneliness press heavily upon her. + +"She has done much more than send me a card!" Claire said deeply. "She +has been a friend. She has taken away the terrible feeling of +loneliness. If I were in trouble, or needed any help, I _know_ that she +would give it!" + +"Oh, yes, yes, naturally she would. So would any one, my dear, who had +the chance. But she's a good creature, of course; a dear creature. I'm +devoted to her, and to Janet. Janet and I are the best of friends!" + +Again the meaning look, the meaning tone, and again in Claire's heart +the same sweet sense of certainty mingled with a tender compassion for +Janet, who was less fortunate than herself. It was a help to look +across at the tea-table, and to realise that consolation was waiting for +Janet if she chose to take it. + +Suddenly Mrs Fanshawe switched off on to yet another topic. + +"And where are you going to spend your summer holidays, my dear?" + +"In September I am probably going to a farmhouse near the sea." + +"And in August?" + +"In town, I think. I have an invalid friend--" + +Mrs Fanshawe swept aside the suggestion with an imperious hand. + +"Nonsense! Utter nonsense! _Nobody_ stays in town in August, my good +child. The thing's impossible. I've passed through once or twice, _en +route_ for country visits, and it's an unknown place. The wierdest +people walking up and down! Where they come from I can't conceive; but +you never saw anything more impossible. And the shops! I knew a poor +girl who became engaged at the end of July, and had to get her trousseau +at once, as they sailed in September. She was in despair. _Nothing_ to +be had. She was positively in tears." + +"I shall get engaged in June," Claire said firmly, "and take advantage +of the summer sales. I call it most thoughtless of him to have waited +till the end of July." + +But Mrs Fanshawe was not attending; her eyes had brightened with a +sudden thought; she was saying to herself, "Why not? I should be alone. +There would be no danger of complications, and the child would be a +delightful companion, good to look at, plenty to say for herself, and a +mind of her own. Quite useful in entertaining, too. I could play off +some of my duty debts, and she could whistle to us after dinner. Quite +a novelty in the country. It would be quite a draw... A capital idea! +I'll say a week, and if it works she can stay on--" + +"No, my dear, you cannot possibly endure town in August, at least not +the entire month. Run down to me for a break. Quite a short journey; +an hour and a half from Waterloo, and the air is delightfully fresh. I +shall be alone, so I can't offer you any excitement, but if you are fond +of motoring--" + +The blood rushed into Claire's face. She was so intensely, +overpoweringly surprised, that, for the moment, all other feelings were +in abeyance. The last thing in the world which she had expected was +that Erskine's mother should invite her to visit her home. + +"I don't know if you care for gardening. I'm mad about it myself. My +garden is a child to me. I stand no interference. The gardeners are +paid to obey me, and carry out my instructions. If they get upsetting, +off they go. You'd like my garden. It is not cut out to a regulation +pattern; it has a personality of its own. I have all my meals on the +verandah in summer. We could get you some tennis, too. You wouldn't be +buried alive. Well? What do you say? Is it worth while?" + +"It's exceedingly kind. It's awfully good of you. I--I am so +completely taken by surprise that I hardly know--I shall have to think." + +"Nonsense, my dear; what is there to think about? You have no other +engagement, and you need a change. Incidentally also _I_ want a +companion. You would be doing me a good turn as well as yourself. I'm +sure your mother would wish it!" + +No doubt about that! Claire smiled to herself as she realised how Mrs +Judge would rejoice over the visit; turning one swallow into a summer, +and in imagination beholding her daughter plunged into a very vortex of +gaiety. She was still smiling, still considering, when Janet came +strolling across the room, and laid her hand affectionately on Mrs +Fanshawe's shoulder. + +"I haven't had a word with you all afternoon! Such a rush of people. +You had tea comfortably, I hope: and you, too--Claire!" There was just +a suspicion of hesitation before the Christian name. + +"I have just been asking Miss Gifford to take pity on my loneliness for +part of August. She is not knee-deep in engagements, as you are, my +dear, and that precious son of mine; so we are going to amuse each +other, and see how much entertainment we can squeeze out of the +countryside!" + +"But I haven't--I didn't--I'm not sure," stammered Claire, acutely +conscious of the hardening of Janet's face, but once again Mrs Fanshawe +waved aside her objections. + +"But _I_ am sure! It's all settled, my dear--all but the day. Put your +address on this silly little tablet, and I'll write as soon as I've +looked over my dates. Now, Janet, I'm ready for a chat. Take me out to +the balcony, away from this crowd." + +"And I must go, I think. I'll say good-bye." Claire held out her hand +to the daughter of the house. "I hope you may have a delightful +summer." + +"Oh, thanks so much. Oh, yes, yes, I'm quite sure I will," Janet +answered mechanically. She touched Claire's hand with her fingers, and +turned hastily aside. + + + +CHAPTER NINETEEN. + +ERSKINE FANSHAWE'S HOME. + +Claire dreaded Mary Rhodes' curiosity on the subject of her proposed +visit, but in effect there was none forthcoming. Cecil was too much +engrossed in her own affairs to feel anything but a passing interest. + +"Some one you met at the Willoughbys'? Only the old lady? Rather you +than me! Nice house though, I suppose; gardens, motors, that kind of +thing. Dull, but luxurious. Perhaps you'll stay on permanently as her +companion." + +"That," Claire said emphatically, "will never happen! I was thinking of +clothes... I am quite well-off for evenings, and I can manage for +afternoons, but I do think I ought to indulge in one or two `drastic +bargains' for morning wear. I saw some particularly drastic specimens +in Knightsbridge this week. Cecil ... could you--I hate asking, but +_could_ you pay me back?" + +Cecil's stare of amazement was almost comical under the circumstances. + +"My--good--girl! I was really pondering whether I dare, I'm horribly +hard up, and that's the truth. I've had calls..." + +"Not Major Carew again? I can't understand it, Cecil. You know I +inquired about him, you told me to ask if I had a chance, and his father +_is_ rich. He might fly into a rage if he were asked for money, but he +would give it in the end. Major Carew might have a bad half-hour, but +what is that compared with borrowing from you! And from a man's point +of view it's so little, such very small sums!" She caught a change of +expression on the other's face, and leapt at its meaning. "Cecil! You +have been giving more! Your savings!" + +"And if I have, Claire Gifford, what business is it of yours? What was +I saving for? To provide for my old age, wasn't it? and now that the +need has gone, why shouldn't I lend it, if I chose? Frank happens to be +hard up for a few months, and besides, there's a reason! ... We are +getting tired of waiting... You must never, never breathe a word to a +soul, but he wants me ... he thinks it might be better..." + +Claire stared with wide eyes, Cecil frowned, and finished the sentence +in reckless tones-- + +"We shall probably get married this autumn, and tell his father +afterwards." + +"Oh, Cecil, no! Don't do it! It's madness. It's folly. He ought not +to ask you. It will make things fifty times more difficult." + +"It would make things _sure_!" Mary Rhodes said. + +The words were such an unconscious revelation of her inner attitude +towards her lover, that Claire was smitten with a very passion of pity. +She stretched out her hand, and cried ardently. "Cecil, I am thinking +of your happiness: I long for you to be sure, but a private marriage is +an insult to a girl. It puts her into a wrong position, and no man has +the right to suggest it. Where is your pride?" + +"Oh, my dear," interrupted Cecil wearily, "I'm past worrying about +pride. I'm thirty-three, and look older, and feel sixty at the least. +I'm tired out in body and soul. I'm sick of this empty life. I want a +home. I want rest. I want some one to care for me, and take an +interest in what I do. Frank isn't perfect, I don't pretend that he is. +I wish to goodness he _would_ own up, and face the racket once for all, +but it's no use, he won't! Between ourselves I believe he thinks the +old man won't live much longer, and there will be no need to worry him +at all. Any way there it is, he won't tell at present, however much I +may beg, but he will marry me; he wants to be married in September, and +that proves that he _does_ care! He is looking out for a flat, and +picking up furniture. _We_ are picking up furniture," Cecil corrected +herself hastily. "I go in and ask the prices, and he sends his servants +the next week to do the bargaining. And there will be my clothes, +too... I'll pay you back in time, Claire, with ten per cent, interest +into the bargain, and perhaps when I'm a rich woman the time may come +when you will be glad to borrow from me!" + +The prospect was not cheering, but the intention was good, and as such +had to be suitably acknowledged. Claire adjourned upstairs to consult +her cheque-book, and decided bravely that the drastic bargains could not +be afforded. Then, being a very human, and feminine young woman she +told herself that there could be no harm in going to look at the dresses +once more, just to convince herself that they were not so very drastic +after all, and lo! close inspection proved them even more drastic than +she had believed, and by the evening's delivery a choice specimen was +speeding by motor van to Laburnum Road. + +On visiting days Claire went regularly to visit Sophie, who, by her own +account, was being treated to seventeen different cures at the same +time, and was too busy being rubbed, and boiled, and electrified, and +dosed, and put to bed in the middle of the afternoon, and awakened in +the middle of the night, to have any time to feel bored. She took a +keen interest also in her fellow patients, and was the confidante of +many tragic stories which made her own lot seem light in comparison. +Altogether she was more cheerful and hopeful than for months back, but +the nurses looked dubious, and could not be induced to speak of her +recovery with any certitude. + +On the tenth of August, Claire packed her boxes with the aid of a very +mountain of tissue paper, and set forth on her journey. The train +deposited her at Hazlemere station, outside which Mrs Fanshawe was +waiting in a big cream car, smiling her gay, quizzical smile. She was +one of the fortunate women who possess the happy knack of making a guest +feel comfortable, and at home, and her welcome sent Claire's spirits +racing upwards. + +Many times during the last fortnight had she debated the wisdom of +visiting Erskine Fanshawe's home, but the temptation was so strong that +at every conflict prudence went to the wall. It was not in girl nature +to resist the longing to see his home and renew her acquaintance with +his mother; and as it had been repeatedly stated that he himself was to +spend most of August in Scotland, she was absolved from any ulterior +design. Janet Willoughby had obviously looked upon the visit with +disfavour, but Claire was too level-headed to be willing to victimise +herself for such a prejudice. Janet would have a fair field in +Scotland. She could not hold the whole kingdom as a preserve! + +"You are looking charming, my dear," Mrs Fanshawe said. "I always say +it is one of the tests of a lady to know how to dress for a journey. A +little pale, perhaps, but we shall soon change that. This high air is +better than any tonic. I laze about during the heat of the day, and +have a two hours' spin after tea; I never appear until eleven, and I +rest in my own room between lunch and tea, so you won't have too much of +my society, but I've a big box of new books from Mudie's for you to +read, and there's a pony-cart at your disposal, so I dare say you can +amuse yourself. I love companionship, but I couldn't talk to the +cleverest woman in Europe for twelve hours at a stretch." + +"Nor I!" agreed Claire, who to tell the truth was more elated at the +prospect of so much time to herself than she felt it discreet to betray. +She was enchanted with her first view of the beautiful Surrey +landscape, and each turn of the road as they sped uphill seemed to open +out more lovely vistas. They drove past spinneys of pine trees, past +picturesque villages, consisting of an old inn, a few scattered +cottages, a pond and a green, along high roads below which the great +plain of thickly-treed country lay simmering in a misty haze. Then +presently the road took a sudden air of cultivation, and Claire staring +curiously discovered that the broad margin of grass below the hedge on +either side, was mown and rolled to a lawn-like smoothness, the edges +also being clipped in as accurate a line as within the most carefully +tended garden. For several hundred yards the margin stretched ahead, +smooth as the softest velvet, a sight so rare and refreshing to the eye +that Claire could not restrain her delight. + +"But how charming! How unexpected! I never saw a lane so swept and +garnished. It has a wonderful effect, those two long lines of sward. +It _is_ sward! grass is too common a word. But what an amount of work! +Twenty maids with twenty mops sweeping for half a year.--I think the +whole neighbourhood ought to be grateful to the owner of this land." + +Mrs Fanshawe beamed, complacently. + +"I'm glad you think so. _I_ am the owner! This is my property, mine +for my lifetime, and my son's after me. It's one of my hobbies to keep +the lane mown. I like to be tidy, outside as well as in. Erskine began +by thinking it a ridiculous waste of work, but his friends are so +enthusiastic about the result, that he is now complacently convinced +that it was entirely his own idea. That's a man, my dear! Illogical, +self-satisfied, the best of 'em, and you'll never change them till the +end of time... What's your opinion of men?" + +"I rather--like them!" replied Claire with a _naivete_ which kept her +listener chuckling with amusement until the lodge gates were reached, +and the car turned into the drive. + +The house was less imposing than the grounds, just a large comfortable +English country house, handsome and dignified, but not venerable in any +way. The hall was good, running the entire length of the house, and +opening by tall double doors on to the grounds at the rear. In summer +these doors were kept open, and allowed a visitor a charming vista of +rose pergolas and the blue-green foliage of an old cedar. All the walls +of the house from top to bottom were painted a creamy white, and there +was noticeable a prevailing touch of red in Turkey carpets, cushion- +covers, and rose-flecked chintzes. + +Tea was served on a verandah, and after it was over Mrs Fanshawe +escorted her visitor round the flower gardens, and finally upstairs to +her own bedroom, where she was left with the announcement that dinner +would be served at eight o'clock. After dinner the ladies played +patience, drank two glasses of hot-water, and retired to bed at ten +o'clock. It was not exciting, but on the other hand it was certainly +not dull, for Mrs Fanshawe's personality was so keen, so youthful in +its appreciation, that it was impossible not to be infected, and share +in her enjoyment. + +The next week passed quickly and pleasantly. The weather was good, +allowing long drives over the lovely country, a tennis party at home, +and another at a neighbouring house introduced a little variety into the +programme, and best of all Mrs Fanshawe grew daily more friendly, even +affectionate in manner. She was a woman of little depth of character, +whose main object in life was to amuse herself and avoid trouble, but +she had humour and intelligence, and made an agreeable companion for a +summer holiday. As her intimacy with her guest increased she spoke +continually of her son, referring to his marriage with Janet Willoughby +with an air of complacent certitude. + +"Of course he will marry Janet. They've been attached for years, but +the young men of to-day are so deliberate. They are not in a hurry to +give up their freedom. Janet will be just the right wife for Erskine, +good tempered and yielding. He is a dear person, but obstinate. When +he once makes up his mind, nothing will move him. It would never do for +him to have a high-spirited wife." + +"I disapprove of pandering to men," snapped Claire in her most High +School manner, whereupon the conversation branched off to a discussion +on Women's Rights, which was just what she had intended and desired. + +On the seventh afternoon of her visit, Claire was in her room writing a +letter to Sophie when she heard a sudden tumult below, and felt her +heart bound at the sound of a familiar voice. The pen dropped from her +hand, and she sat transfixed, her cheeks burning with excitement. It +could not be! It was preposterous, impossible. He was in Scotland. +Only that morning there had been a letter.--It was impossible, +impossible, and then again came the sound of that voice, that laugh, and +she was on her feet, running across the floor, opening the door, +listening with straining ears. + +A voice rose clear and distinct from the hall beneath, the deep, strong +voice about which there could be no mistake. + +"A perfect flood! The last five days have been hopeless. I was tired +of being soaked to the skin, and having to change my clothes every two +hours, so I cut it, picked up Humphreys in town, and came along home. +And how have you been getting on, mater? You look uncommonly fit!" + +"I'm quite well. I am perfectly well. You need not have come home on +my account," Mrs Fanshawe's voice had a decided edge. "I suppose this +is just a flying visit. You will be going on to pay another visit. I +have a friend with me--a Miss Gifford. You met her at the +Willoughbys'." + +"So I did! Yes. That's all right. I'm glad you had company. I +suppose I _shall_ be moving on one of these days. I say, mother, what +about tea?" + +Claire shut the door softly, and turned back into the room. Erskine's +voice had sounded absolutely normal and unmoved: judging by it no one +could have imagined that Miss Gifford's presence or absence afforded him +the slightest interest, and yet, and yet, the mysterious inner voice was +speaking again, declaring that it was not the wet weather which had +driven him back ... that he had hurried home because he knew, he knew-- + +In ten minutes' time tea would be served. Claire did not change her +dress or make any alteration in her simple attire, her energies during +those few minutes were chiefly devoted to cooling her flushed cheeks, +and when the gong sounded she ran downstairs, letters in hand, and +evinced a politely impersonal surprise at the sight of Captain Erskine +and his friend. + +Mrs Fanshawe's eyes followed the girl's movements with a keen scrutiny. +It seemed to her that Claire's indifference was a trifle overdone: +Erskine also was unnaturally composed. Under ordinary circumstances +such a meeting would have called forth a frank, natural pleasure. She +set her lips, and determined to leave nothing to chance. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY. + +THE FLOWERY WAY. + +Only a few hours before her son's unexpected arrival, Mrs Fanshawe had +warmly pressed Claire to extend her visit to a fortnight at least, and +Claire had happily agreed. Mrs Fanshawe recalled the incident as she +poured out tea, and rated herself for her imprudence, but the deed was +done; there was the girl, looking pretty enough to turn any young man's +head, and there, alas! was Erskine, who should, by all the laws of what +was right and proper, be even now making love to Janet Willoughby in +Scotland! Janet was rich, Janet was well born, Janet was amiable and +easily led, for years past Mrs Fanshawe had set her heart on Janet as a +daughter-in-law, and she was not easily turned from her purpose. +Throughout that first afternoon her thoughts were busily engaged +planning ahead, striving to arrange the days to the hindrance of +dangerous _tete-a-tetes_, Erskine appeared to have returned in ignorance +of Miss Gifford's presence. Mrs Fanshawe had been careful to avoid all +reference to the girl in her letters, and was unable to think how the +information could have leaked out, nevertheless the choice of Major +Humphreys as a companion filled her with suspicion. Never before had +such an invitation been given on Erskine's initiative; on more than one +occasion, indeed, he had confessed that he found the Major a bore, and +had expressed surprise at his mother's liking for so dull a man. + +Mrs Fanshawe had never found the Major dull, since he shared with +enthusiasm her own passion for gardening, and was a most valuable +adviser and assistant. Together they had planned the flagged path +winding low between the high banks of the rock garden, together they had +planted the feathery white arenaria calearica in the crevices of the +steps leading upward to the pergola, together they had planned the +effect of clusters of forget-me-not, and red tulips among the long +grasses in the orchard. There was never any dearth of conversation +between Major Humphreys and Mrs Fanshawe, and a stroll round the rose +garden might easily prolong itself into a discussion lasting a couple of +hours. Hence came the suspicion, or Erskine knew as much, and had +deliberately invited this man before any one of his own friends. +Despite all appearance to the contrary, Mrs Fanshawe felt convinced +that "the bore" had been brought down to engage her own attention, and +so leave her son free to follow his own devices. She set her lips, and +determined on a counter move. + +A _partie carree_ was dangerous under the circumstances; safety lay in a +crowd. That evening when Mrs Fanshawe retired to dress for dinner, the +telephone in her boudoir was used to ring up all the big houses in the +neighbourhood, invitations were given galore for tennis, for dinner, for +lunch; and return invitations were accepted without consultation with +her son. At the end of half an hour she hung up the receiver, satisfied +that Erskine's opportunities for _tete-a-tetes_ would be few. Perhaps +also time would suggest some excuse for shortening the girl's visit to +the ten days originally planned. She must think it out, put her wits to +work. Claire was a pretty creature and a delightful companion, but a +nobody, and poor into the bargain. She could not be allowed to upset a +cherished plan! + +During dinner Mrs Fanshawe alluded casually to the coming gaieties, and +mentally paid a tribute of admiration to the _aplomb_ with which Claire +listened, and smiled, betraying not a flicker of surprise at the sudden +change of programme. The good lady was so pleased with the result of +her own scheming, that when later on the Major proposed a game of +patience, she accepted at once, and viewed with equanimity the sight of +the two young people strolling down the garden path. It would be the +last night when such an escape would be possible! + +It was an exquisite moonlight night, clear enough to show the colour of +the flowers in the beds and borders. Claire's white dress took on a +ghostly hue against the deep background of the trees, her cheeks were +pale, too, and the long line of eyelash showed dark against her cheeks. +She felt very happy, very content, just the least little bit in the +world, afraid! Captain Fanshawe was smoking a cigarette, and in the +intervals drawing deep sighs of enjoyment. + +"There's only one thing that worries me--why didn't I come back last +week? To think of rain, and mist, and smoky fires, and then--This! I +feel like a man who has been transported into fairyland!" + +Claire felt as if she also was in fairyland, but she did not say so. +There are things that a girl does not say. They paced up and down the +winding paths, and came to the flight of steps leading to the pergola, +"The Flowery Way" as Mrs Fanshawe loved to call it, where the arenaria +calearica shone starry white in the moonlight. Erskine stopped short, +and said urgently-- + +"Would you mind walking on alone for a few yards? I'll stand here ... +while you go up the steps. Please!" + +Claire stared in surprise, but there seemed no reason to deny so simple +a request. + +"And what am I to do when I get there?" + +"Just stand still for a moment, and then walk on... I'll come after!" + +Claire laughed, shrugged, and went slowly forward along the flagged +path, up the flower-sprinkled stair, to pause beneath an arch of pink +roses and look back with an inquiring smile. Erskine was standing where +she had left him, but he did not smile in response, while one might have +counted twenty, he remained motionless, his look grave and intent, then +he came quickly forward, leapt up the shallow steps and stood by her +side. + +"Thank you!" he said tersely, but that was all. Neither then or later +came any explanation of the strange request. + +For a few moments there was silence, then Erskine harked back to his +former subject. + +"Scottish scenery is very fine, but for restful loveliness, Surrey is +hard to beat. You haven't told me yet how you like our little place, +Miss Gifford! It's on a very modest scale, but I'm fond of it. There's +a homey feeling about it that one misses in bigger places, and the mater +is a genius at gardening, and gets the maximum of effect out of the +space. Are you fond of a garden?" + +"I've never had one!" Claire said, and sighed at the thought. "That's +one of the Joys that does _not_ go with a roving life! I've never been +able to have as many flowers as I wanted, or to choose the right foliage +to go with them, or to pick them with the dew on their leaves." She +paused, smitten with a sudden recollection. "One day this year, a +close, smouldering oven-ey day, I came in from school and found--a box +full of roses! There were _dewdrops_ on the leaves, or what looked like +dewdrops. They were as fresh as if they had been gathered an hour +before. Dozens of roses, with great long stems. They made my room into +a bower." + +"Really! Did they? How very jolly," was Erskine's comment. + +His voice sounded cool and unperturbed, and Claire did not venture to +look at his face. She thought with a pang, that perhaps after all she +had been mistaken. Perhaps Mrs Willoughby had been the real donor ... +perhaps he had never thought... She hurried on terrified lest her +thoughts might be suspected. + +"Mrs Fanshawe has been so kind, allowing me to send boxes of fruit and +flowers to a friend in hospital. One of our mistresses, who is being +treated for rheumatism." + +"Poor creature!" said the Captain with careless sympathy. "Dull work +being in hospital in this weather. How have you been getting on with my +mother, Miss Gifford? I'm awfully glad to find you down here, though I +should have enjoyed showing you round myself. I'm a bit jealous of the +mater there! She's a delightful companion, isn't she? So keen and +alert. I don't know any woman of her age who is so young in spirit. +It's a great gift, but--" he paused, drew another cigarette from his +case, and stared at it reflectively, "it has its drawbacks!" + +"Yes. I can understand that. It must be hard to feel young, to _be_ +young in heart and mind, and to be handicapped by a body that persists +in growing old. I've often thought how trying it must be." + +"I suppose so. Yes. I'm afraid I wasn't thinking about it in that +light. I was not discussing the position from my mother's point of +view, but from--her son's! It would be easier sometimes to deal with a +placid old lady who was content with her knitting, and cherished an old- +fashioned belief in the superiority of man! Well! let us say the +equality. But the mater won't even grant that. By virtue of her +superior years she is under the impression that she can still manage my +affairs better than I can myself, which, of course, is a profound +delusion!" + +Looking at the firmly cut profile it seemed ridiculous to think of any +one managing this man if it were not his will to be managed. Mother and +son were alike in possessing an obstinate self-will. A conflict between +them would be no light thing. Woman-like, Claire's sympathies leant to +the woman's side. + +"It must be very difficult for a mother to realise that her son is +really past her control. And when she _does_, it must be a painful +feeling. It isn't painful for the son; it's only annoying. The mother +fares worst!" + +Captain Fanshawe laughed, and looked down at the girl's face with +admiring eyes. + +"What a faculty you have of seeing the other side! Do you always take +the part of the person who isn't here? If so, all the better for me +this last week, when the mater has been spinning stories of my +obstinacy, and pig-headedness, and general contradictiveness. I thought +I had better hurry home at once, before you learnt to put me down as a +hopeless bad lot!" + +Claire stood still, staring with widened eyes. + +"Hurry home--hurry home before--" She stopped short, furious with +herself for having taken any notice of the slip, and Erskine gave a +short embarrassed laugh, and cried hastily-- + +"Oh, I knew; of course I knew! The rain was only an excuse. The real +reason was that as soon as I knew you were staying here, I hadn't +patience to stay on. I stood it for exactly three hours, thinking of +you in this garden, imagining walking about as we are walking now, and +then--I bolted for the afternoon train!" + +Claire felt her cheeks flame, and affected dignity to hide her deep, +uncontrollable joy. + +"If _I_ had been your hostess--" + +"But you weren't, you see... You weren't! For goodness' sake don't put +yourself in her place next. Be Claire Gifford for once, and say you are +glad to see me!" His eyes met hers and twinkled with humour as he added +solemnly. "There's not a single solitary convention that could possibly +be broken by being civil to a man in his own home! Even your ultra +sensitive conscience--" + +"Never mind my sensitive conscience. What I want to know is, how did +you know? Who told you that I was here?" + +It was significant that the possibility that Mrs Fanshawe had written +of her guest never occurred to Claire's mind; that Erskine like herself +discounted such a possibility. He replied with a matter-of-fact +simplicity which left Claire marvelling at the obtuseness of mankind-- + +"Janet, of course. Janet Willoughby. We were staying in the same +house. We were talking of you yesterday morning, and comparing notes +generally. She said you were--oh! quite a number of agreeable things-- +and I agreed with her, with just one exception. She considered that you +were responsive. I said I had never found any one less so. She said +you were always so ready to meet her halfway. I complained that you +refused to meet me at all. I ... er ... told her how I felt about it, +and she said my chance was waiting if I choose to take it--that you were +staying here keeping the mater company. So--" + +Claire said nothing. She was thinking deeply. For how many days had +Janet been staying in the same house with Erskine? Perhaps a week, +certainly several days, yet it had been only yesterday morning that she +had given the news. Yesterday morning; and in three hours he had flown! +How was Janet faring now, while Claire was walking in fairyland? + +"You are not angry? Why do you look so serious? Tell me you are not +sorry that I came?" said a deep voice close to her ear, but before she +had time to answer, footsteps approached, and Mrs Fanshawe's voice was +heard calling in raised accents-- + +"Erskine! are you there? Give me your arm, dear; I am so tired. It's +such a perfect night, that it seemed a shame to stay indoors. The Major +has been admiring `The Flowery Way.' It certainly looks its best to- +night." She turned towards Major Humphreys with her light, cynical +laugh. "My son declares that it is profanation to allow ordinary, +commonplace mortals to walk up those steps! He always escorts my +visitors round by another way. He is ungallant enough to say that he +has never yet seen a girl whom he would care to watch walk up those +steps in the moonlight. She would have to be quite ideal in every +respect to fit into the picture. We'll go round by the lily garden, +Erskine, and then I think Miss Gifford and I will be off to bed. You +men will enjoy a smoke." + +For the next ten minutes Mrs Fanshawe kept tight hold of her son's arm, +and Claire talked assiduously to Major Humphreys. She knew now why +Erskine had asked her to walk ahead up "The Flowery Way!" + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY ONE. + +ALL IN A GARDEN FAIR. + +The next afternoon a party of friends had been bidden for tennis. For +the morning no plans had been made, but throughout its length Mrs +Fanshawe fought a gallant fight against overwhelming odds, and was +hopelessly beaten for her pains. It was her strong determination that +her son should be prevented from holding another _tete-a-tete_ with +Claire Gifford. Erskine actively, and Claire passively, desired and +intended to bring about just that very consummation, while Major +Humphreys, shrewdly aware of the purpose for which he had been invited, +aided and abetted their efforts by the development of a veritable frenzy +of gardening enthusiasm. He questioned, he disputed, he meekly +acknowledged his mistakes; he propounded schemes for fresh developments, +the scenes of which lay invariably at the opposite end of the grounds +from that in which the young people were ensconced. + +Mrs Fanshawe struggled valiantly, but the Triple Entente won the day, +and for a good two hours before lunch, Erskine and Claire remained +happily lost to sight in the farthest recesses of the grounds. They had +left behind the region of formal seats and benches, and sat on the grass +at the foot of a great chestnut, whose dark green foliage made a haven +of shade in the midst of the noonday glare. Claire wore her bargain +frock, and felt thankful for the extravagant impulse of that January +morn. Erskine was in flannels, cool and becoming as a man's _neglige_ +invariably is; both had discarded hats, and sat bareheaded in the +blessed shade, and Erskine asked questions, dozens of questions, a very +_viva voce_ examination, the subject being the life, history, thoughts, +hopes, ambitions, and dreams of the girl by his side. + +"You were an only child. So was I. Were you a lonely little kiddie?" + +"No, I don't think I was. My mother was a child with me. We were +blissfully happy manufacturing a doll's house out of a packing chest, +and furnishing it with beds made out of cardboard boxes, and sofas made +out of pin-cushions. I used to feel other children a bore because they +distracted her attention." + +"That would be when you were--how old? Six or seven? And you are now-- +what is it? Twenty-two? I must have been a schoolboy of seventeen at +that time, imagining myself a man. Ten years makes a lot of difference +at that age. It doesn't count so much later on. At least I should +think not. Do I appear to you very old?" + +"Hoary!" + +"No, but I say... Honestly!" + +"Don't be conceited. You know perfectly well--" + +"But I wanted to make sure! And then you went to school. Did you have +a bad time at first among the other girls?" + +"No. I'm afraid the other girls had a bad time with me. I was very +uppish and British, and insisted on getting my own way. Did _you_ have +a bad time?" + +"Yes, I did," he said simply. "Small boys have a pretty stiff time of +it during their first term, and my time happened to be stiffer than +most. I may be as miserable again. I hope I never may be! But I'm +pretty sure it's impossible to be _more_ miserable than I was at nine +years old, bullied on every side, breaking my heart with home sickness, +and too proud to show a sign." + +"Poor little lad!" sighed Claire softly, and for a long minute the two +pairs of eyes met, and exchanged a message. "But afterwards? It grew +better after that?" + +"Oh, yes. I learnt to stand up for myself, and moved up in the school, +and began to bully on my own... Did you make many real friends in your +school days?" + +"No real lasting friends. They were French girls, you see, and there +was the difference of race, and religion, to divide us as we grew up. +And we were birds of passage, mother and I; always moving about." + +"You felt the need of companionship?" + +"No. I had mother, and we were like girls together." The twin dimples +showed in a mischievous smile. "You seem very anxious to hear that I +was lonely!" + +"Well!" said Erskine, and hesitated as though he found it impossible to +deny the accusation. "I wanted to feel that you could sympathise with +me! I've been more or less lonely all my life, but I have always felt +that a time would come when it would be all right--when I'd meet some +one who'd understand. I was great chums with my father, but he died +when I was twelve, and my school chum went off to China, and comes home +for a few months every three years, when it has usually happened that +I've been abroad. There are nice enough fellows in the regiment, but I +suppose I'm not quick at making friends--" + +Strive as she would Claire could not resist a twinkle of amusement, +their eyes met, and both went off into a peal of laughter. + +"Oh, well, there are exceptions! That's different. I felt that I knew +you at once, without any preliminary stages. It must always be like +that when people really fit." And then after a short pause he added in +boyish, ingenuous tones, "Did you feel that you knew me?" + +"I--I think I did!" Claire acknowledged. To both it seemed the most +wonderful, the most absorbing of conversations. They were blissfully +unconscious that it was old as the hills themselves, and had been +repeated with ceaseless reiteration from prehistoric periods. Only once +was there an interruption of the deep mutual happiness and that came +without warning. Claire was smiling in blissful contentment, +unconscious of a care, when suddenly a knife-like pain stabbed her +heart. Imagination had wafted her back to Staff-Room. She saw the +faces of the fifteen women seated around the table, women who were with +but one exception past their youth, approaching nearer and nearer to +dreaded age, and an inward voice whispered that to each in her turn had +come this golden hour, the hour of dreams, of sweet, illuminative hope. +The hour had come, and the hour had passed, leaving behind nothing but a +memory and a regret. Why should she herself be more blessed than +others? She looked forward and saw a vision of herself ten years hence +still hurrying along the well-known street looking up at the clock in +the church tower to assure herself that she was in time, still mounting +the same bare staircase, still hanging up her hat on the same peg. The +prose of it in contradistinction with the poetry of the present was +terrifying to Claire's youthful mind, and her look was so white, so +strained, that Erskine took instant alarm. + +"What is it? What is it? Are you ill? Have I said anything to upset +you? I say, what _is_ the matter!" + +"Nothing. Nothing! I had a--thought! Talk hard, please, and make me +forget!" + +The end of the two hours found the cross-questioning still in full +force; the man and the girl alike still feeling that the half was not +yet told. They resented the quick passage of time, resented the +disturbance of the afternoon hours. + +"What on earth do we want with a tennis party?" grumbled the Captain. +"Wish to goodness we could be left alone. I suppose the mater wanted +them to amuse you before I came back." + +Claire murmured incoherently. She knew better, but she was not going to +say so! They turned unwillingly towards the house. + +In the afternoon the guests arrived. They came early, for the Fanshawe +tennis courts were in fine condition, and the prospect of meeting a new +man and a new girl, plus the son of the house, was a treat in itself in +the quiet countryside where the members of the same set met regularly at +every function of the year. One of the courts was reserved for men's +fours, for Mrs Fanshawe believed in giving her guests what they liked, +and there is no doubt that men as a rule are ungallant enough to prefer +their own sex in outdoor games. + +In the second court the younger girls took part in mixed fours, while +others sat about, or took part in lengthy croquet contests on the +furthest of the three lawns. Claire as a member of the house-party had +a good deal of time on her hands, and helped Mrs Fanshawe with the +entertainment of the older guests, who one and all eyed her with +speculative interest. + +One thin, faded woman had spent a few years in Bombay and was roused to +interest by hearing that Claire's mother was now settled in that city. +Yes! she had met a Mr Judge. Robert Judge, was it not? Her husband +knew him quite well. He had dined at their house. Quite a dear man. +She had heard of his marriage, "but"--here came a look of +mystification--"to a _young_ wife; very pretty, very charming--" + +Claire laughed, and held out a little coloured photograph in a round +glass frame which hung by a chain round her neck. + +"That is my mother. She is thirty-nine, and looks thirty. And she is +prettier than that." + +The faded lady looked, and sighed. Mrs Fanshawe brightened into vivid +interest. "You know Mr Judge, then? You have met him? That's quite +interesting. That's very interesting!" Claire realised with some +irritability that the fact that one of her own acquaintances knew and +approved, instantaneously raised Mr Judge in her hostess's estimation. +Hitherto he had been a name, a nobody; now he became a real man, "quite +a dear man," a man one could know! The result was satisfactory enough, +but Claire was irritated by the means. She was irritated also by the +subtle but very real change in her hostess's manner to herself in the +last twenty-four hours; irritated because the precious hours were +passing, and Erskine was surrounded by his guests, playing endless sets +on the hot lawn. He looked as though he were enjoying himself, too, and +that added to her annoyance, for like many another girl she had not yet +realised that a man can forget even his love in his whole-hearted +enjoyment of sport! + +At tea-time, however, there was a lull when Erskine carried a chair to +Claire's side, and seated himself with an air of contentment. Once and +again as the meal progressed she saw his eyes rove around, and then come +back to dwell upon herself. She knew that he was comparing her with the +other girls who were present, knew also by the deep glow of that +returning glance, that in his eyes she was fairest and best. The former +irritation dropped from her like a cloak. + +Tea was over, the guests rose from their seats. Erskine stood by +Claire's side looking down at her with a quizzical smile. + +"Er--did you notice that man who came in just before tea, with the girl +in the pink frock? He was sitting over there, on the right?" + +"Yes, I noticed him. I could see him quite well. Why?" + +"What did you think of him?" + +"Quite nice. I liked his face. Good-natured and interesting." + +Erskine laughed. + +"Sure?" + +"Quite sure. Why?" + +"Don't recognise him at all? Doesn't remind you of any one you know?" + +"Not in the least. Why should he?" + +Erskine laughed again. + +"I'm afraid your memory is defective. I must introduce you again!" He +walked away, laid his hand on the arm of the new-comer, and led him back +to Claire's side. "Miss Gifford," he said gravely, "allow me to +introduce--Major Carew!" + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY TWO. + +FOUND OUT. + +The man with the good-natured, interesting face bowed to Claire with the +alacrity which the normal man shows at an introduction to a pretty girl; +Claire stared blankly, recovered herself, and returned his bow in formal +manner. Erskine looked from one to the other in undisguised surprise. + +"I thought you had met... You told me you had met Carew in town!" + +"Not _this_ Major Carew!" Claire could not suppress a tone of regret. +With all her heart she wished that the man before her had been Cecil's +fiance. + +"It was the same name, but--" + +"Not the same man? It's not an unusual name, I expect there are several +of us knocking about," the present Major Carew said smilingly. "Do you +happen to know his regiment?" + +Claire knew it well, but as she pronounced the name, the hearer's face +crinkled in confusion. + +"But that is my own regiment! There _is_ no other Carew! There's some +mistake. You have mixed up the names." + +"Oh no. I've heard it a hundred times. It is impossible to be +mistaken. His Christian name is Frank." + +"_My_ name is Frank!" the strange man said, and stared at Claire in +increasing perplexity. "There is certainly not another Frank Carew in +the M---. There is something wrong about this. I don't understand!" + +"He is a member of the --- Club, and his people live in Surrey. He has +an old father who is an invalid, and the name of the house is `The +Moat'--" + +Major Carew's face turned a deep, apoplectic red, his light eyes seemed +to protrude from his head, so violent was his anger and surprise. + +"But--that's _me_! That's my club, my father, my home! Somebody has +been taking my name, and passing himself off under false colours for +some mysterious reason. I can't imagine what good it is going to do +him." + +He broke off in alarm, and cast an appealing look at Erskine as Claire +suddenly collapsed on the nearest chair, her face as white as her gown. + +"I say, this is a bad business I'm most awfully sorry. I'm afraid Miss +Gifford is distressed--" + +Erskine's lips were set in a fury of anger. He glanced at Claire and +turned hurriedly away, as though he could not trust himself to look at +her blanched face. To see the glint of his eye, the set of the firm +jaw, was to realise that it would fare badly with the masquerader should +he come within reach. There was a moment of tense, unhappy silence, +then Erskine drew forward two more chairs, and motioned to the Major to +be seated. + +"I think we shall have to thresh this out! It is naturally a shock, but +Miss Gifford's acquaintance with this person is very slight. She took a +violent dislike to him at first sight, so you need not fear that she +will feel any personal distress. That is so, isn't it? That's the real +position?" + +Claire nodded a quick assent. + +"Yes, yes. I met him twice, and I hated him from the first; but my +friend believes..." Her voice broke, and she struggled for composure, +her chin quivering with pitiful, child-like distress. "He is engaged to +be _married_ to my friend!" + +A deep murmur of anger came simultaneously from both hearers. The real +Major Carew straightened himself with an air of determination. + +"Engaged to her? Under my name? This is too strong! And in the name +of wonder, what for? I'm nobody. I've nothing. I'm the most +insignificant of fellows, and chronically hard up. What had he to gain +by taking my name?" + +"You are a gentleman, and he is not. Everything is comparative. He +wanted to impress my friend, and he knew you so well that it was easy to +pretend, and make up a good tale. He _said_ he was hard up. He--he-- +borrowed money!" + +"From the girl?" Again came that deep murmur of indignation. "What an +unspeakable cur, and--excuse me, what a poor-spirited girl to have +anything to do with him after that! Could you do nothing to prevent her +making such a fool of herself?" + +"Nothing. I tried. I tried hard, but--" + +Erskine looked at her with his keen, level glance. + +"And she borrowed from you to supply his needs? No, never mind, I won't +ask any more questions, but I know! I know!" His eyes hardened again +as he turned towards the other man. "Carew, this is pure swindling! We +shall have to worry this out!" + +"I believe you, my boy!" said the Major tersely. He turned to Claire +and added more gently, "Tell us some more about this fellow, Miss +Gifford! Describe him! Would you recognise him if you met again?" + +"Oh, yes. At once. He is tall and dark, good-looking, I suppose, +though I detest his type. Very dark eyes. Large features." + +The Major ruminated, finding apparently no clue in the description. + +"Tall. Dark. Large features! I know about a hundred men to whom that +description might apply. Could you think of anything more definite?" + +Claire ruminated in her turn; recalled the image of Cecil's lover, and +tried to remember the details of his appearance. + +"He has very thick hair, and brushes it straight across his forehead. +His eyebrows are very short. He has a high colour, quite red cheeks." + +Major Carew made a short, choking sound; lay back in his chair, and +stared aghast. This time it was evident that the description awoke a +definite remembrance, but he appeared to thrust it from him, to find it +difficult to give credence to the idea. + +"Impossible!" he murmured to himself. "Impossible! High colour, you +say; short eyebrows. When you say `short,' what exactly do you mean?" + +"They begin by being very thick, then they stop abruptly. They don't +follow the line of the eye, like most eyebrows. They look--unfinished!" + +Major Carew bounced upon his chair. + +"Erskine, I have an idea.--It seems almost incredible, but I'm bound to +find if it is correct! There is a man who is in our camp now. I'll +make an excuse, and send him over to-night, if you can arrange that Miss +Gifford sees him when he comes. I'll give him a message for you." + +"_Send_!" repeated Erskine sharply; then he glanced at Claire, and sent +a frowning message towards the other man. "That can easily be arranged. +We'll leave it till evening, then. We can't get any further now, and I +must get back to my duties. The mater is scowling at me. Go and soothe +her like a good fellow, but for your life--not a word of this to her!" + +Major Carew rose obediently, perfectly aware that his company was not +wanted, and Erskine bent towards Claire with a few earnest words. + +"Don't worry! If this man is an impostor, the sooner it is found out, +the better. He _is_ an impostor, there's no getting away from that, and +he is making a dupe of that poor girl for his own ends. If we had not +made this discovery, he would have stuck to her until he had bled her of +her last penny, and then would probably have disappeared into space. +She knows nothing of his real name or position, so it would have been +difficult to trace him, and probably nothing to be gained, if he _were_ +found. One reads of these scoundrels from time to time, but I've never +had the misfortune to meet one in the flesh. I'd like to horsewhip the +fellow for upsetting you like this!" + +"Oh, what does it matter about me?" Claire cried impatiently. "It's +Cecil I'm thinking about--my poor, poor friend! She's not young, and +she is tired out after twelve years of teaching, and it's the _second_ +time! Years ago a man pretended to love her, it was only pretence, and +it nearly broke her heart. She has never been the same since then. It +made her bitter and distrustful." + +"Poor creature! No wonder. But that was some time ago, and now she is +engaged to this other fellow. Is she in love with him, do you suppose?" + +Claire shrugged vaguely. + +"I--don't--know! She is in love with the idea of a home." + +"And he? You have seen them together. He is a cur, there's no getting +away from that, but he might be attached to the girl all the same. Do +you think he is?" + +"Oh, how can I tell?" Claire cried impatiently. "She thinks he is, but +she thought the same about the other man. It doesn't seem possible to +tell! Men amuse themselves and pretend, and act a part, and then laugh +at a girl if she is so foolish as to believe--" + +Captain Fanshawe bent forward, his arm resting on his knees, his face +upraised to hers; a very grave face, fixed and determined. + +"Do you believe that, Claire? Do you believe what you are saying?" + +The grey eyes looked deep into hers, compelling an answer. + +"I--I think many of them--" + +"Some of them!" the Captain corrected. "Just as some girls encourage a +man to gratify their own vanity. They are the exceptions in both cases; +but you speak in generalities, condemning the whole sex. Is it what you +really think--that most men pretend?" + +The grey eyes were on her face, keen, compelling eyes from which there +was no escape. Claire flushed and hesitated. + +"No! No, I don't. Not most. But there are some!" + +"We are not concerned with `some'!" he said quietly, and straightening +himself, he cast a glance around. + +The guests were standing about in little groups, aimless, irresolute, +waiting to be broken up into twos and fours, and drafted off to the +empty lawns; across the deserted tea-tables his mother's eyes met his, +coldly reproachful. Erskine sighed, and rose to his feet. + +"I must go. These people need looking after. Don't look so sad. It +hurts me to see you sad." + +Just those few, hastily-spoken words and he was gone, and Claire +strolled off in an opposite direction, anxious to screen herself from +observation among the crowd. She ached with pity for Cecil, but through +all her distresses the old confidence lay warm at her heart. There was +one man in the world who towered high above the possibility of deceit; +and between that man and herself was a bond stronger than spoken word. +The future seemed full of difficulties, but Claire did not trouble +herself about the future. The present was all-absorbing, full of +trouble; full of joy! + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +It was seven o'clock before the last of the guests had departed, and +Mrs Fanshawe saw to it that her son was fully engaged until it was time +to dress for dinner. Her keen eyes had noticed signs of agitation as +the two young people sat together at tea. And what had Erskine been +talking about with that tense expression on his face? And what had +happened to the girl that she looked at one moment so radiant, and at +the next so cast-down? Mrs Fanshawe's affections, like those of most +selfish people, were largely influenced by personal considerations. A +week before she had felt quite a warm affection for the agreeable +companion who had rescued her from the boredom of lonely days, now hour +by hour, she was conscious of a rising irritation against the girl who +threatened to interfere with her own plans. The verdict of others +confirmed her own suspicions as to Erskine's danger, for during the +afternoon half a dozen intimate friends referred to Claire with +significant intonation. "Such a graceful creature. No wonder Erskine +is _epris_!" ... "Miss Gifford is quite charming." ... "_So_ +interested to meet Miss Gifford!" Eyes and voice alike testified to the +conviction that if an engagement were not already arranged, it was a +certainty in the near future. Mrs Fanshawe set her lips, and +determined by hook or crook to get Claire Gifford out of the house. + +That evening at nine o'clock the parlour-maid announced that Major +Carew's soldier servant wished to see Captain Fanshawe on a message from +his master, and Erskine gave instructions that he should be sent round +to the verandah, and stepped out of the window, leaving Claire wondering +and discomfited. What had happened? Was the impostor not to be found? +In her present tension of mind any delay, even of the shortest, seemed +unbearable. + +The murmur of voices sounded from without, then Erskine stepped back +into the room, and addressed himself pointedly to Claire, but without +using her name. + +"Would you come out just for two minutes? It's some plan for to- +morrow." + +Claire crossed the room, acutely conscious of Mrs Fanshawe's +displeasure, stepped into the cool light of the verandah and beheld +standing before her, large and trim in his soldier's uniform, Cecil's +lover, the man who had masqueraded under his master's name. + +For one breathless moment the two stood face to face, staring, aghast, +too petrified by surprise to be able to move or speak. Claire caught +hold of the nearest chair, and clutched at its back; the florid colour +died out of the man's cheeks, his eyes glazed with horror and dismay. +Then with a rapid right-about-face, he leapt from the steps, and sped +down the drive. Another moment and he had disappeared, and the two who +were left, faced each other aghast. + +"His servant! His _servant_! Oh, my poor Cecil!" + +"The scoundrel! It was a clever ruse. No need to invent details: he +had them all ready to his hand. The question is, what next? The game +is up, and he knows it. What will be his next move?" + +Claire shook her head. She was white and shaken. The reality was even +worse than she had expected, and the thought of Cecil's bitterness of +disillusion weighed on her like a nightmare. She tried to speak, but +her lips trembled and Erskine drew near with a quick word of +consolation-- + +"Claire!" + +"What is this plan, Erskine? Am I not to be consulted? Remember that +you are engaged to lunch with the Montgomerys to-morrow." + +Mrs Fanshawe stood in the doorway, erect, haughty, obviously annoyed. +Her keen eyes rested on Claire's face, demanding a reason for her +embarrassment. Erskine made a virtue of necessity, and offered a short +explanation. + +"A disagreeable thing has happened, mother. Miss Gifford has discovered +through Major Carew that a friend is in serious trouble. It has been +rather a shock." + +"Dear me. Yes! It would be. Perhaps you would like to go to your +room, my dear. I'm tired myself, and shall be glad to get to bed. I am +sure you must wish to be alone. Shall we go?" + +Claire said good night to the two men and went wearily upstairs. At +this moment even her own inward happiness failed to console. When +contrasted with her own fate, Cecil's seemed so cruelly unfair! + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY THREE. + +"NO!" + +Sleep refused to come to Claire that night. She lay tossing on her bed +while the old clock in the corridor without struck hour after hour. + +Two, three, four, and still she tossed, and turned, and again and again +asked herself the world-old question, "What shall I do? What shall I +do?" and shuddered at the thought of the disillusionment which was +coming to her poor friend. + +What was her own duty in the matter? Obviously Cecil must be told the +truth; obviously she was the one to tell it. Would it be possible to +_write_? Inclination clamoured in favour of such a course. It would be +so much easier: it would obviate the necessity for a lacerating +interview. Would it not be easier for Cecil, also? Claire felt that if +positions had been reversed, she would crave above all things to be +alone, hidden from the eyes of even the most sympathising of friends; +but Cecil's nature was of a different type. Having heard the one +abhorrent fact, she would wish to probe further, to be told details, to +ask a score of trifling questions. However full a letter might be, she +would not be satisfied without an interview. "But I might write first, +and see her afterwards!" poor Claire said to herself. "It would not be +quite so bad, when she had got over the first shock. I could _not_ bear +to see her face..." + +It was five o'clock before at last sleep came to drive away the haunting +questions, and when she woke it was to find her early tea had grown cold +on the table by her side, and to see on looking at her watch that it was +nearly ten o'clock. She dressed hurriedly and went downstairs to find +Mrs Fanshawe alone in the dining-room, reading the _Morning Post_. She +waved aside Claire's apologies for her late appearance with easy good +nature. No one was _expected_ to be punctual at breakfast. It was +sheer tyranny to decree that visitors should get up at a definite hour. +If Claire had slept badly, why didn't she order breakfast in her room, +and spend the morning in bed? + +"You look a wreck!" she said frankly, and threw down the paper with an +impatient gesture. "Such a nuisance about this bad news. Erskine seems +disgusted with the whole affair. He has gone off with Major Carew to +see what can be done, and is to go straight to the Willoughbys. So +tiresome, for I particularly wanted him to be in good form this +afternoon! What's it all about? As it has happened in my house, I +think I am entitled to an explanation. Something to do with Major +Carew's servant? How can your friend be associated with a servant? The +man has bolted, it appears. The Major came over half an hour ago to say +that he never returned last night. Thought flight the best policy, I +suppose, but what I am waiting to be told, is--what has he _done_?" + +Claire sat down on the nearest chair, feeling more of a wreck than ever. + +"Deserted! A soldier! But if he is found? The punishment..." + +"He has already been found out, it appears, so that it was a choice +between certain punishment if he stayed, or the chance of getting safely +away. I am waiting to hear what it's all about!" + +"Oh, Mrs Fanshawe, it's so difficult. It's not my secret!" cried poor +Claire desperately. "He, this man, has been masquerading under his +master's name. My friend knew him as Major Carew. She, they, became +very intimate." + +"Engaged, I suppose! It doesn't say much for her discrimination. Her +ideas of what constitute a gentleman must be somewhat vague!" Mrs +Fanshawe said disagreeably. She felt disagreeable, and she never made +any effort to conceal her feelings, kindly or the reverse. It was +annoying that one of her own guests should be mixed up in an unsavoury +scandal with a common soldier: annoying to have people going about with +long faces, when she had planned a festive week. Really this Claire +Gifford was becoming more and more of an incumbrance! Mrs Fanshawe +paused with her hand on the coffee-pot, to ask a pointed question-- + +"Have _you_ also known this man under his false name, may I ask?" + +Claire flushed uncomfortably. + +"I met him twice. Only twice. For a very short time." + +Mrs Fanshawe did not speak, but she arched her eyebrows in a fashion +which was more scorching than words. "So you, also, are ignorant of +what constitutes a gentleman!" said those eyebrows. "You also have been +including my friend's servant among your acquaintances!" + +Claire felt the hopelessness of trying to justify herself, and relapsed +into silence also, the while she made a pretence of eating one of the +most miserable meals of her life. According to his mother, Erskine was +"quite disgusted" with the whole affair! Claire's heart sank at the +thought, but she acknowledged that such an attitude would be no more +than was natural under the circumstances. A soldier himself, Captain +Fanshawe would be a stern judge of a soldier's fraud, while his _amour +propre_ could not fail to be touched. Claire had too much faith to +believe that his displeasure would be extended to herself, yet she was +miserably aware that it was through her instrumentality that he had been +brought in contact with the scandal. + +In the midst of much confusion of mind only one thing seemed certain, +and that was that it was impossible to face a tennis party that +afternoon. Claire made her apologies to Mrs Fanshawe as she rose from +the table, and they were accepted with disconcerting readiness. + +"Of course! Of course! I never imagined that you would. Under the +circumstances it would be most awkward. I expect by afternoon the story +will be the talk of the place. Your friend, I understand, is still +ignorant of the man's real station? What do you propose to do with +regard to breaking the news?" + +"In. I'm going to write. I thought I would sit in my room and compose +a letter.--It will be difficult!" + +"Difficult!" Mrs Fanshawe repeated the word with disagreeable +emphasis. "Impossible, I should say, and, excuse me! cruel into the +bargain. To open a letter from a friend, expecting to find the ordinary +chit-chat, and to receive a blow that shatters one's life! My dear, +it's unthinkable! You cannot seriously intend it." + +"You think it would be better if I _told_, her?" Claire asked +anxiously. "I wondered myself, but naturally I dreaded it, and I +thought she might prefer to get over the first shock alone. I had +decided to write first, and see her later on. But you think..." + +"I think decidedly that you ought to break the news in person. You can +lead up to it more naturally in words. Even the most carefully written +letters are apt to read coldly; perhaps the more care we spend on them, +the more coldly they read." + +"Yes, that's true, that's quite true, but I thought it would be better +not to wait. She is staying at home just now. I don't think he will +visit her there, for he seemed to shrink from meeting her mother, but he +may write and try--" Claire drew herself up on the point of betraying +that borrowing of money which was the most shameful feature of the +fraud, but Mrs Fanshawe was too much absorbed in her own schemes to +notice the omission. She had seen a way of getting rid of an unwelcome +guest, and was all keenness to turn it to account. + +"He is sure to try to see her again while he is at large. He will +probably urge her to marry him at once. You should certainly not defer +your visit if it is to be of any use. How dreadful _it_ would be if she +were to marry him under an assumed name! You mustn't let us interfere +with your arrangement, my dear. You only promised me ten days, so I +can't grumble if you run away, and for the short time that Erskine is at +home, there are so many friends to fit in... You understand, I am sure, +that I am thinking of your own convenience!" + +"I understand perfectly, thank you!" Claire replied, her head in the +air, the indignant colour dying her cheeks with red. Mrs Fanshawe's +arguments in favour of haste might be wise enough, but her personal +desire was all too plainly betrayed. And she pointedly ignored the fact +that the proposed interview need not have interrupted Claire's visit, +since it and the journey involved could easily have been accomplished in +the course of a day. "I understand perfectly, thank you. I will go +upstairs and pack now. Perhaps there is a train I could catch before +lunch?" + +"The twelve-thirty. That will give you the afternoon in town. I'll +order a fly from the inn. I'm _so_ sorry for you, dear! Most nerve- +racking to have to break bad news, but you'll feel happier when it's +done. Perhaps you could take the poor thing with you to that sweet +little farm!" + +Not for the world would Claire have spent the next hour in Mrs +Fanshawe's company. She hurried to her room, and placing her watch on +the dressing-table, so timed her packing that it should not be completed +a moment before the lumbering country "fly" drove up to the door. Then, +fully dressed, she descended the staircase, and held out a gloved hand +to her hostess, apparently unconscious of an offered kiss. + +It was some slight consolation to note the change of bearing which had +come over Mrs Fanshawe during the last hour, and to realise that the +success of her scheme had not brought much satisfaction. She was +nervous, she was more than nervous, she was afraid! The while Claire +had been packing upstairs, she had had time to realise Erskine's return, +and his reception of the news she would have to break. As she drove +away from the door, Claire realised that her hostess would have paid a +large sum down to have been able to undo that morning's work! + +For her own part, Claire cared nothing either way: literally and +truthfully at that moment even the thought of leaving Erskine had no +power to wound. The quickly-following events of the last twenty-four +hours had had a numbing effect on her brain. She was miserable, sore, +and wounded; the whole fabric of life seemed tumbling to pieces. Love, +for the moment, was in abeyance. As the fly passed the last yard of +mown grass which marked the boundary of the Fanshawe property, she threw +out her arms with one of the expressive gestures, which remained with +her as a result of her foreign training. "_Fini_!" she cried aloud. +Mentally at that moment, she swept the Fanshawes, mother and son, from +the stage of her life. + +Where should she go next? Back to solitude, and the saffron parlour? +London in August held no attraction, but the solitary prospect of being +able to see Sophie, and at the moment Claire shrank from Sophie's sharp +eyes. Should she telegraph to the farm, and ask how soon she could be +received; and at the same time telegraph to Mary Rhodes asking for an +immediate interview? A few minutes' reflection brought a decision in +favour of this plan, and she drew a pocket-book from her dressing-bag, +and busied herself in composing the messages. One to the farm, a second +to Laburnum Crescent announcing her immediate return, then came a pause, +to consider the difficult wording of the third. Would it be possible to +drop a word of warning, intelligible to Cecil herself, but meaningless +to anyone else who might by chance open the wire? + +"Back in town. Have important news. Imperative to see you to-day, if +possible. Appoint meeting. Delay dangerous." + +It was not perfect, but in Claire's dazed condition it was the best she +could concoct, and it left a tactful uncertainty as to whether the news +affected herself or Cecil, which would make it the easier to explain. +Claire counted the words and folded the three messages in her hand-bag, +ready to be sent off the moment she reached the station. + +The fly lumbered on; up a toilsome hill, down into the valley, up +another hill on the farther side; then came a scattering of houses, a +church, a narrow street lined with shops, and finally the station +itself, the clock over the entrance showing a bare four minutes to +spare. + +The porter labelled the luggage, and trundled it down the platform. +Claire hurried through her business in the telegraph office, and ran +after him just as the train slowed down on the departure platform. One +carriage showed two empty corner places on the nearest side, Claire +opened the door, seated herself facing the engine, and spread her +impedimenta on the cushions. But few passengers had been waiting, for +this was one of the slowest trains in the day, but now at this last +moment there came the sound of running footsteps, a man's footsteps, +echoing in strong heavy beats. With a traveller's instinctive curiosity +Claire leant forward to watch the movements of this late comer, and +putting her head out of the window came face to face with Erskine +Fanshawe himself. + +At sight of her he stopped short, at sight of him she stood up, blocking +the window from sight of the other occupants of the carriage; by a +certain defiance of pose, appearing to defend it also against his own +entrance. But he did not attempt to enter. Though he had been running, +it was his pallor, not his heat, which struck Claire in that first +moment. He was white, with the pallor of intense anger; the flash of +his eyes was like cold steel. He rested his hands on the sill of the +window, and looked up into her face. + +"This is my mother's doing!" + +It was a statement, not a question, and Claire made no reply. She stood +stiff and silent, while down the length of the platform sounded the +quick banging of doors. + +"I got through sooner than I expected and went home to change. I did +not waste time in talking... I could guess what had happened. She made +it impossible for you to stay on?" + +Still silence. The guard's whistle sounded shrilly. Erskine came a +step nearer. His white tense face almost touched her own. + +"Claire!" he whispered breathlessly, "will you marry me?" + +"Stand back there! Stand back!" cried an authoritative voice. The +wheels of the carriage rolled slowly forward. Claire bent forward, and +gave her answer in one incisive word-- + +"No!" + +The wheels rolled faster and faster: left the station, whirled out into +the green, smiling plain. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR. + +A RUPTURE. + +In after days Claire often looked back upon that journey to London, and +tried to recall her own feelings, but invariably the effort ended in +failure. She could remember nothing but a haze of general misery and +confusion, which deepened with every fresh mile, and reached its acutest +point at the moment of arriving "home." + +The landlady was flustered at having to prepare for so hasty a return, +and did not scruple to show her displeasure. She took for granted that +Claire had had lunch, and the poor girl had not the courage to undeceive +her. A telegram was lying on the dining-room table which announced +Cecil's arrival at four o'clock. Claire ordered tea to be ready at that +hour, and stretched herself on her bed in the room upstairs which looked +so bare and cold, denuded of the beautifying personal touches. She felt +incredibly tired, incredibly lonely; she longed with a very passion of +longing for some one of her own, for the dear, beautiful mother, who if +she did not always understand, was always ready to love. Oh, it was +hard, unnatural work, this fighting the world alone! Did the girls who +grew weary of the restraints of home, ever realise how their working +sisters sickened with longing for some one who cared enough even to +_interfere_! + +Three o'clock, half-past three, a quarter to four. Claire was faint for +want of food, and had enough sense to realise that this was a poor +preparation for the ordeal ahead; she went downstairs, and threw herself +upon Lizzie's mercy. + +"Lizzie, I have had no lunch. I'm starving. Could you bring up the tea +_now_, and make some fresh for Miss Rhodes when she arrives?" + +"Why couldn't you say so before?" Lizzie asked with the freedom of the +lodging-house slavey, but the question was spoken in sympathy rather +than anger. "The kettle's boiling, and I've cut the bread and butter. +You shall have it in two two's. I'll cut you a sanguidge," she cried as +a supreme proof of goodwill, and clattered down the kitchen stairs at +express speed. + +She was as good as her word. In five minutes tea was ready, and Claire +ate and drank, keeping her eyes turned resolutely from the clock. +Before it had struck the hour, there came from the hall the sound of a +well-known double knock, and she knew that the hour of her ordeal had +arrived. + +She did not rise from the table; the tea-things were clattering with the +trembling of the hand that was resting upon the tray, she literally had +not the strength to rise. She lay back in her chair and stared +helplessly at the opening door. + +Cecil came in. It came as a shock to see her looking so natural, so +entirely the Cecil Claire was accustomed to see. She looked tired, and +a trifle cross, but alas! these had been prevailing expressions even in +the days when things were going comparatively well. Casual in her own +manner, she saw nothing unusual in Claire's lack of welcome, she nodded +an off-hand greeting, and drew up a chair to the table. + +"Well! I've come. Give me a cup of tea as a start. I've had a rush +for it. You said to-day, if possible, and I had nothing special on +hand, so I thought I had better come. What's the news, and what's the +danger? Which of us does it affect,--me or you?" + +"Oh, it's--horrid, horrid, horrid! It's a long story. Finish your tea +first, then I'll tell you. I'm _so_ miserable!" + +"Poor old girl!" Cecil said kindly, and helped herself to bread and +butter. Claire had a miserable conviction that her reply had had a +deceptive effect, and that the shock when it came, would be all the more +severe. Nevertheless, she was thankful for the reprieve; thankful to +see Cecil eat sandwiches with honest enjoyment, until the last one had +disappeared from the plate. + +"Well!" Cecil pushed aside her cup, and rested an arm on the table. +"Let's get to business. I promised mother I'd catch the six o'clock +train back. What's it all about? Some young squire wanting to marry +you, and you want my advice? Take him, my dear! You won't always be +young and beautiful!" + +Claire shook her head. + +"Nothing about me. I wouldn't have worried you in the holidays, if--if +it hadn't been for your own sake..." + +The red flowed into Cecil's cheeks, her face hardened, the tone of her +voice was icy cold. + +"_My_ sake? I don't understand. I am not aware that you have any +responsibility about my affairs!" + +"Cecil, I have! I must have. We have lived together. I have loved +you--" + +Mary Rhodes waved aside the protestations with impatient scorn. + +"Don't be sentimental, please! You are not one of the girls. If it's +the money, and you are in a hurry to be repaid--" + +"I'm not. I'm not! I don't care if you _never_ pay..." Tears of +distress rose in Claire's eyes, she caught her breath and cried in a +choking sob. "Cecil, it's about--him! I've found out something. I've +seen him... Only last night..." + +"I thought you might meet as his camp was so near. Suppose you did! +What was so terribly alarming in that?" + +"You haven't heard? He hasn't been to see you, or written, or wired, +to-day?" + +"He has not. Why should he? Don't be hysterical, Claire. If you have +anything to say, say it, and let me hear. What have you `found out' +about Major Carew?" + +"He's--_not_ Major Carew!" Claire cried desperately. "He has deceived +you, Cecil, and pretended to be ... to be something quite different from +what he really is. There _is_ a real Major Carew, and his name is +Frank, and he has a home in Surrey, and an invalid father--everything +that he told you was true, only--he is not the man! Oh, Cecil, how +shall I tell you? It's so dreadfully, dreadfully hard. He knew all +about the real Major Carew, and could get hold of photographs to show +you, because he--he is his servant, Cecil--his soldier servant... He +was with him in camp!" + +Cecil rose from her chair, and went over to the empty fireplace, +standing with her back to her companion. She spoke no word, and Claire +struggled on painfully with her explanations. + +"He--the real Major Carew--came over to a tennis party at Mrs +Fanshawe's yesterday. I thought, of course, that it was another man of +the same name, but he said--he said there was no other in that regiment, +and he asked me to tell him some more, and I did, and everything I said +amazed him more and more, for it was true about _himself_! Then he +asked me to describe--the man, and he made an excuse to send his servant +over in the evening so that I should see him. He came. Oh, Cecil! He +saw me, and he--ran away! He had not returned this morning. He has +_deserted_!" + +Still silence. It seemed to Claire of most pitiful import that Cecil +made no disclaimer, that at the word of a stranger she accepted her +lover's guilt. What a light on the past was cast by that stoney +silence, unbroken by a solitary protest. Poor Mary Rhodes had known no +doubts as to the man's identity, she had given him affection and help, +but respect and trust could never have entered into the contract! + +Claire had said her say: she leant her elbows on the table, and buried +her head in her hands. The clock on the mantelpiece ticked steadily for +an endless five minutes. Then Cecil spoke:-- + +"I suppose," she said harshly, "you expect me to be grateful for this!" + +The sound of her voice was like a blow. Claire looked up, startled, +protesting. + +"Oh, Cecil, surely you would rather know?" + +"Should I?" Cecil asked slowly. "Should I?" She turned back to the +tireless grate, and her thoughts sped... With her eyes opened she would +not, of course, consent to marry this man who had so meanly abused her +trust, but--suppose she had not known! Suppose in ignorance the +marriage had taken place? If he had been loving, if he had been kind, +would she in after days have regretted the step? At the bottom of her +weary woman's heart, Cecil answered that she would _not_. The fraud was +unpardonable, yet she could have pardoned it, if it had been done for +love of herself. No stately Surrey mansion would have been her home, +but a cottage of three or four rooms, but it would have been her _own_ +cottage, her _own_ home. She would have felt pride in keeping it clean +and bright. There would have been some one to work for: some one to +care: some one to whom she _mattered_. And suddenly there came the +thought of another joy that might have been; she held to her breast a +child that was no paid charge, but her very own, bone of her bone, flesh +of her flesh... + +"No! No!" she cried harshly, "I am not grateful. _Why_ did you tell +me? Why did you spoil it? What do I care who he was? He was my man; +he wanted me. He told lies _because_ he wanted me... I am getting old, +and I'm tired and cross, but he cared.--He _did_ care, and he looked up +to me, and wanted to appear my equal... Oh, I'm not excusing him. I +know all you would say. He deceived me--he borrowed money that he could +never pay back, but he would have confessed some day, he would have had +to confess, and I should have forgiven him. I'd have forgiven him +anything, _because_ he cared ... and after that--he would have cared +more--I should have had him. I should have had my home..." + +Claire hid her face, and groaned in misery of spirit. From her own +point of view it seemed impossible that any woman should regret a man +who had proved so unworthy, but once again she reminded herself that her +own working life counted only one year, as against Cecil's twelve; once +again she felt she had no right to judge. Presently she became aware +that Cecil was moving about the room, opening the bureau, and taking +papers out of a drawer. At the end of ten minutes she came back to the +table, and began drawing on her gloves. Her face was set and tearless, +but the lines had deepened into a new distinctness. Claire had a +pitiful realisation that this was how Cecil would look when she was +_old_. + +"Well," she said curtly, "that's finished! I may as well go for my +train. I'm sorry to appear ungracious, but you could hardly expect me +to be pleased. You meant well, of course, but it's a pity to interfere. +There's just one thing I'd like to make clear--you and I can hardly +live together after this. I never was a very agreeable companion, and I +shall be worse in the future. It would be better for your own sake to +make a fresh start, and for myself--I'm sorry to appear brutal, but I +could not stand another winter together. It would remind me too +much..." + +She broke off abruptly, and Claire burst into helpless tears. + +"Oh, Cecil, Cecil ... don't hate me--don't blame me too much! It's been +hard on me, too. Do you think I _liked_ breaking such news? Of course +I will take fresh rooms. I can understand that you'd rather have some +one else, but let us still be friends! Don't turn against me +altogether. I'm lonely, too... I've got my own trouble!" + +"Poor little Claire!" Cecil melted at once, with the quick response +which always rewarded an appeal to her better feelings. "Poor little +Claire. You're a good child; you've done your best. It isn't _your_ +fault." She lifted her bag from the table, and took a step towards the +door, then resolutely turned back, and held out her hand. "Good-bye. +Don't cry. What's the good of crying? Good luck to you, my dear, and-- +take warning by me. I don't know what your trouble is, but as it isn't +money, it's probably love.--If it is, don't play the fool. If the +chance of happiness comes along, don't throw it away out of pride, or +obstinacy, or foolish prejudice. You won't always be young. When you +get past thirty, it's ... it's hard ... when there's nothing--" + +She broke off again, and walked swiftly from the room. + +The next moment the front door banged loudly. Cecil had gone. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE. + +A SUDDEN RESOLVE. + +The next morning brought a letter from the farm bidding Claire welcome +as soon as she chose to arrive, but there was no second letter on the +table. Claire had not realised how confidently she had expected its +presence, until her heart sank with a sick, heavy faintness as she +lifted the one envelope, and looked in vain for a second. + +Erskine had not written. Did that mean that he had taken her hasty +answer as final, and would make no further appeal? She had read of men +who had boasted haughtily that no girl should have an opportunity of +refusing them _twice_; that the woman who did not know her own mind was +no wife for them, but like every other lover she felt her own case to be +unique. Driven to answer in a moment of intolerable irritation, what +else could she have said? + +But he had not written! What did that mean? At the moment of +discovering her departure, Erskine had been consumed with anger, but +afterwards, had his mother's counsels prevailed? Had he repented +himself of his hasty impulse? Would the days pass on, and the months, +and the years, and leave her like Cecil, solitary, apart? + +Claire made a pretence at eating her breakfast, and then, too restless +to stay indoors, put on her hat, and went out to roam the streets until +it should be time to visit Sophie in her hospital. + +Two hours later she returned and packed up not only her entire wardrobe, +but the whole of her personal possessions. In the course of her walk +there had come to her one of those curious contradictory impulses which +are so characteristic of a woman's nature. Having poured out her heart +in grief because Erskine had neither written nor followed her to town, +she was now restlessly impatient to make communication impossible, and +to bury herself where she could not be found. Before leaving the house +she made Lizzie happy by a present of money, accompanied by quite a +goodly bundle of clothing, after which she interviewed the landlady, +gave notice that she no longer needed the rooms, and wrote out a cheque +in payment of all claims. Then a taxi was summoned, the various boxes +piled on top, and another chapter of life had come to an end. + +Claire drove to the station, whence she proposed to take a late +afternoon train to the farm, deposited her boxes in the left luggage +office, and strolled listlessly towards the great bookstall under the +clock. Another hour remained to be whiled away before she could start +for the hospital; she would buy a book, sit in the waiting-room, and try +to bury herself in its pages. She strolled slowly down the length of +the stall, her eyes passing listlessly from one pile of books to +another, finding little interest in them, and even less in the men and +women who stood by her side. As Mrs Fanshawe would have said, "No one +was in town"; even school-mistresses had flown from the region of bricks +and mortar. If she had thought about it at all, Claire would have said +that there was no one she _could_ meet, but suddenly a hand grasped her +arm, and brought her to a halt. She started violently, and for an +instant her heart leapt with a wild glad hope. It was not Erskine +Fanshawe who confronted her, however, but a girl clad in a tweed costume +with a cloth cap to match, on the side of which a sprig of heather was +fastened by a gold brooch fashioned in the shape of a thistle. In +bewildered surprise Claire recognised the brown eyes and round freckled +face of Janet Willoughby, whom she had believed to be hundreds of miles +away, in the highlands of Scotland. + +"Just come back," Janet explained. "The weather was impossible. +Nothing but sheets of rain. I got tired, and came back to pay some +visits in the south." She hesitated, then asked a sudden question. +"Are you busy? Going anywhere at once? Could you spare half an hour? +We might have lunch together in the refreshment room!" + +"Yes. No. I'd like to. I've had no lunch." Claire faltered +nervously, whereupon Janet turned to her maid, who was standing near, +dressing-bag in hand, and gave a few quick instructions. + +"Get a taxi, Ross, and take all the things home. The car can wait for +me. I'll follow later." + +The maid disappeared, and the two girls made their way across the open +space. Both looked nervous and ill at ease, both dreaded the coming +_tete-a-tete_, yet felt that it was a thing to be faced. Janet led the +way to a table in the farthest corner of the room, and they talked +trivialities until the ordered dishes were set on the table, and the +waiter had taken his departure. Claire had ordered coffee, and drank +eagerly, hoping that the physical refreshment would help to steady her +nerves. Janet played with her knife and fork, and said, without looking +up-- + +"You have left the Fanshawes, then! I heard that you were staying on." + +"Yes. Yesterday I--came back." + +The very lameness of the answer made it significant. Janet's freckled +face turned noticeably pale. + +"Erskine went straight home after he left Scotland?" + +"Yes." + +"And before he arrived, you had promised to stay on?" + +"Mrs Fanshawe asked me, before he came, if I could stay for another +week, and I was very glad to accept. I had no other engagement." + +"And then?" + +"Oh, then things were different. She didn't need company, and--and-- +things happened. My friend, Miss Rhodes--" + +Janet waved aside "my friend, Miss Rhodes," with an impatient hand. + +"And Erskine? What did _he_ say to your leaving?" + +The colour flamed in Claire's cheek; she stammered in hopeless +confusion, and, in the midst of her stammering, Janet laid both hands on +the table, and, leaning forward so that the two faces were only a few +inches apart, spoke a few startling words-- + +"Has he--_proposed_ to you? I must know! You must tell me!" + +It was a command, rather than an appeal, and Claire automatically +replied-- + +"He--he did! Yes, but--" + +"And you?" + +"I--couldn't. I said no!" + +"You said no! Erskine asked you to be his wife, and you _refused_?" +Janet stared in incredulous bewilderment. A spark of indignation shone +in her brown eyes. "But why? You care for him. Any girl might be +proud to marry Erskine Fanshawe. _Why_?" + +"I can't tell you. It's so difficult. His mother--she didn't want me. +She would have hated it. She almost turned me out." + +"His _mother_! Mrs Fanshawe!" Janet's voice was full of an ineffable +surprise. "You refused Erskine because of _her_ prejudice? But she is +always changing; she is the most undependable woman on the face of the +earth! She is charming, and I'm fond of her, but I should not take her +advice about a pair of gloves. Nothing that she could say would +possibly have the slightest influence on my life. She's irresponsible; +she sees entirely from her own standpoint. And Erskine--Erskine is a +rock!" She paused, pressing her lips together to still their trembling, +and Claire answered with a note of apology in her voice. + +"Janet, I _know_! Don't think I don't appreciate him. Wait till you +hear how it happened... He followed me to the station; it was the very +last moment, just as the train was starting. There was time for only +one word, and--I was sore and angry!" + +Janet looked at her, a long, searching look. + +"It's curious, but I always knew this would come. When I saw you +sitting together at supper that first night, I knew then. All the time +I knew it in my heart, but on the surface it seemed ridiculous, for you +never met!" + +"Never that you did not know, except one time in the park. There was +nothing to tell you, Janet; nothing to hide." + +"No. So he said. We talked of you in Scotland, you know, and it was +just as I thought--a case of recognising each other at first sight. He +said the moment he saw you you seemed different from everyone else, and +he hoped and believed that you felt the same. That is how people ought +to love; the right way, when both are attached, both feel the same... +And it is so rare. Yet you _refused_!" + +"Would you marry a man if his family disapproved?" + +"Oh, yes! I should not be marrying the family. I'd be sorry, of +course, but I'd make up my mind that in time I'd make them fall in love +with me, too. What are you going to do now?" + +"Going away. Into the country. I want to be quiet, and think." + +Janet did not ask the address. She sat silent, staring into space, then +asked a sudden irrelevant question: + +"Did he send you the cuckoo clock?" + +"I--think so! It had no name, but it came from Switzerland while he was +there. He has never referred to it since." + +"Ah!" Janet began pulling on her gloves. "I knew that, too. I _felt_ +that he had sent it. Well! I must go. It will all come right, of +course, and you will be very happy. I've known Erskine so long, and his +wife is sure to be happy." Janet forced an artificial little laugh. +"You will be engaged before me, after all, but I dare say I shall soon +follow suit. It's nice to be loved. As one grows older, one +appreciates it more. And Captain Humphreys is a good man." + +"He is splendid! I loved his face. And he is so devoted to you. It +was quite beautiful to watch him," cried Claire, thankful from her heart +to be able to enthuse honestly. + +A load was lifted from her heart by Janet's prophecy of her own future. +For the moment it had no doubt been made more out of bravado than any +real conviction, and inevitably there must be a period of suffering, but +Janet was of a naturally buoyant nature, and her wounded spirit would +gradually find consolation in the love which had waited so patiently for +its reward. It needed no great gift of prophecy to see her in the +future, a happy, contented wife. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY SIX. + +EASIER TO DIE. + +When Janet had taken her departure Claire looked at the clock and found +that it was time to start for the hospital. She went out of the +station, and, passing a shop for flowers and fruit went in, spent ten +shillings in the filling of a reed basket, and, leaving the shop, seated +herself in one of the taxis which were standing in readiness outside the +great porch. Such carelessness of money was a natural reversion to +habit, which came as a consequence of her absorbed mind. + +The great hospital looked bare and grim, the smell of iodoform was more +repellent than ever, after the sweet scents of the country. Claire knew +her way by this time, and ascended by lift to the women's ward, where +Sophie lay. Beside almost every bed one or two visitors were seated, +but Sophie was alone. Down the length of the ward Claire caught a +glimpse of a recumbent form, and felt a pang at the thought of the many +visiting days when her friend had remained alone. With no relations in +town, her brother's family too pressed for means to afford expeditions +from the country, Sophie had no hope of seeing a familiar face, and her +very attitude bespoke dejection. + +Claire walked softly to the further side of the bed, and dangled the +basket before the half-covered face, whereupon Sophie pushed back the +clothes and sat up, her eyes lighting with joy. + +"_Claire_! You! Oh, you dearly beloved, I thought you were still away! +Oh, I am glad--I am glad! I was so dreadfully blue!" + +She looked it. Even in the eagerness of welcome her face looked white +and drawn, and the pretty pink jacket, Claire's own gift, seemed to +accentuate her pallor. The hands with which she fondled the flowers +were surely thinner than they had been ten days before. + +"My dear, what munificence! Have you come into a fortune? And fruit +underneath! I shall be able to treat the whole ward! When did you come +back? Have you had a good time? Are you going on to the farm? It _is_ +good of you to come again. It's--it's hard being alone when you see the +other patients with their own people. The nurses are dears, but they +are so rushed, poor things, they haven't time to stay and talk. And oh, +Claire, the days! They're so wearily _long_!" + +Claire murmured tender exclamations of understanding and pity. A pained +conviction that Sophie was no better made her shrink from putting the +obvious question; but Sophie did not wait to be asked. + +"Oh, Claire," she cried desperately, "it's so hard to be patient and to +keep on hoping, when there's no encouragement to hope! I'm not one +scrap better after all that has been tried, and I've discovered that +they did not expect me to be better; the best they seem to hope for is +that I may not grow worse! It's like running at the pitch of one's +speed, and succeeding only in keeping in the same place. And there are +other arthritics in this ward!" She shuddered. "When I think that I +may become like _them_! It would be much easier to die." + +"I think it would often seem easier," Claire agreed sadly, her thoughts +turning to Cecil, whose trouble at the moment seemed as heavy as the one +before her. "But we can't be deserters, Sophie. We must stick to our +posts, and play the game. When these troubles come, we just _have_ to +bear them. There's no hiding, or running away. There's only one choice +open to us--whether we bear it badly or well." + +But Sophie's endurance was broken by weeks of suffering, and her bright +spirit was momentarily under an eclipse. + +"Everybody doesn't have to bear them! Things are so horribly uneven," +she cried grudgingly. "Look at your friend Miss Willoughby, with that +angel of a mother, and heaps of money, and health, and strength, and a +beautiful home, and able to have anything she wants, as soon as she +wants it. What does _she_ know of trouble?" + +Claire thought of Janet's face, as it had faced her across the table in +the refreshment room, but it was not for her to betray another's secret, +so she was silent, and Sophie lifted a spray of pink roses, and held +them against her face, saying wistfully-- + +"You're a good little soul, Claire, and it's because you are good that I +want to know what your opinion is about all this trouble and misery. +What good can it possibly do me to have my life ruined by this illness? +Don't tell me that it will not be ruined. It must be, in a material +sense, and I'm not all spiritual yet; there's a lot of material in my +nature, and I live in a material world, and I want to be able to enjoy +all the dear, sweet, natural, human joys which come as a right to +ordinary human beings. I want to _walk_! Oh, my dear, I look out of +these windows sometimes and see all the thousands and thousands of +people passing by, and I wonder if a single one out of all the crowd +ever thinks of being thankful that he can _move_! I didn't myself, but +now--when I hobble along--" + +She broke off, shaking back her head as though to defy the rising tears, +then lay back against the pillows, looking at Claire, and saying +urgently--"Go on! Tell me what you think!" + +"I think," Claire answered slowly, "that we are bound to grow! The mere +act of death is not going to lift us at once to our full height. Our +training must go on after we leave this sphere; but, Sophie dear, some +of us have an extra hard training here, and if we bear it in the right +way, surely, surely when we move up, it must be into a higher class than +if things had been all smooth and easy. There must be less to learn, +less to conquer, more to enjoy. You and I are school-mistresses and +ought to realise the difficulties of mastering difficult tasks. Don't +look upon this illness as cheating you out of a pleasant holiday, dear-- +look upon it as special training for an honours exam.!" + +Sophie smiled, her old twinkling smile, and stroked Claire's hand with +the spray of roses. + +"I knew you'd say something nice! I knew you'd put it in a quaint, +refreshing way. I shall remember that, when I am alone, and feel +courage oozing out of every pore. Two o'clock in the morning is a +particularly cheery time when you are racked with pain! Claire, I asked +the doctor to tell me honestly whether there was any chance of my ever +taking up the old work again, and he said, honestly, he feared there was +none." + +"But Mrs Willoughby--" + +"I asked that, too. He says he quite hopes to get me well enough to go +to Egypt in October or November, and that I should certainly be much +better there. It would be the best thing that could happen if it came +off! But--" + +Claire held up a protesting hand. + +"No ifs! No buts! Do your part, and get better, and leave the rest to +Providence and--Mrs Willoughby! It's her mission in life to help +girls, and she'll help _you_, too, or know the reason why. The truly +sensible thing would be for you to begin to prepare your clothes. What +about starting a fascinating blouse at once? Your hands are quite able +to sew, and if you once got to work with chiffon and lace the time would +fly! You might write for patterns to-night. You would enjoy looking at +patterns." + +When Claire took her departure half an hour later, she left behind a +very different Sophie from the wan dejected-looking creature whom she +had found on her arrival. + +Hers was a happy nature, easily cheered, responsive to comfort, and +Claire had a happy conviction that whatever physical handicaps might be +in store, her spirit would rise valiantly to the rescue. A winter in +Egypt was practically assured, since Mrs Willoughby had privately +informed Claire that if nothing better offered, she would send Sophie at +her own expense to help in the household of her niece--an officer's +wife, who would be thankful for assistance, though she could not afford +to pay the passage out. What was to happen in the future no one could +tell, and there was no profit in asking the question. The next step was +clear, and the rest must be left to faith, but with a chilling of the +blood Claire asked herself what became of the disabled working women who +had no influential friends to help in such a crisis; the women who fell +out of the ranks to die by the roadside homeless, penniless, _alone_? + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN. + +SURRENDER. + +It was a very limp and exhausted Claire who arrived at the farm that +evening, and if she had had her own way she would have hurried to bed +without waiting for a meal, but the kind countrywoman displayed such +disappointment at the idea that she allowed herself to be dissuaded, sat +down to a table spread with home-made dainties and discovered that she +was hungrier than she had believed. The fried ham and eggs, the fresh +butter, the thick yellow cream, the sweet coarse bread, were all the +best of their kind, and Claire smiled at her own expense as she looked +at the emptied dishes, and reflected that, for a person who had +professed herself unable to eat a bite, she had made a pretty good +sweep! + +The bed was somewhat bumpy, as farmhouse beds have a habit of being; +there was one big ball in especial which took many wrigglings to avoid; +but on the other hand the sheets smelt deliciously, not of lavender, but +of lemon thyme, and the prevailing air of cleanliness was delicious +after the smoke-laden atmosphere of town. Claire told herself that she +could not expect to sleep. She resigned herself to hear the clock +strike every hour--and as a matter of fact after ten o'clock she was +unconscious of the whole world, until her breakfast-tray was carried +into the room next morning. + +After breakfast she had another nap, and after lunch still another, and +in the intervals wandered about the farm-yard, laboriously striving to +take an interest in what really interested her not at all. Hens seemed +to her the dullest of created creatures, pigs repelled, cows were +regarded with uneasy suspicion, and sheep, seen close at hand, lost all +the picturesque quality of a distant flock, and became stupid long-faced +creatures, by no means as clean as they might be. Milking-time aroused +no ambition to experiment on her own account, and a glass of foaming new +milk proved unexpectedly nauseous. Sad as it was to confess it, she +infinitely preferred the chalked and watered edition of the city! + +Indoors things were no better, for the tiny sitting-room stood by itself +at the end of a passage, cut off from the life of the house. It was +spotlessly clean and the pride of its owner's heart, but contained +nothing of interest to an outsider. Pictures there were none, with the +exception of portraits of the farmer and his wife, of the enlarged +photograph type, and a selection of framed funeral cards in a corner. +Books there were none, with the exception of a catalogue of an +Agricultural Show, and a school prize copy of _Black Beauty_. Before +the second night was over Claire had read _Black Beauty_ from cover to +cover; the next morning she was dipping into the catalogue, and trying +to concentrate her attention on "stock." + +As her body grew rested, Claire's mind became increasingly active. It +was inevitable, but the second stage was infinitely harder to bear. For +the first hours after her arrival her supreme longing had been to lie +down and shut her eyes; but now restlessness overtook her, and with +every fresh hour drove her more helplessly to and fro. She went out for +long walks over the countryside, her thoughts so engrossingly turned +inward that she saw nothing of the landscape on either hand; she +returned to the house and endeavoured to write, to read, to sew, only to +give up the attempt at the end of half an hour, and once more wander +helplessly forth. + +The good countrywoman was quick to sense that some hidden trouble was +preying on her guest, and showed her sympathy in practical fashion. + +"A bit piney-like, aren't you? I seed from the first that you was +piney-like," she said, standing tray in hand on the threshold of the +little parlour, her fresh, highly-coloured face smiling kindly upon the +pale girl. "I always do say that I pities ladies when they has anything +on their minds; sitting about, same as you do now, with nothing to take +them off theirselves. A body like me that has to keep a house clean, +and cook and wash, and mind the children, to say naught of the sewing +and the mending, and looking after the cows and the hens, and all the +extra fusses and worries that come along, she hasn't got no time to +remember herself, and when she gets to bed she's too tired to think. +Now if you was to have some work--" + +Claire's face brightened with a sudden inspiration. + +"Will you give me some work? Let me help _you_! Do, please, Mrs +Corby; I'd be so grateful. Let me come into the kitchen and do +something now. I feel so lonely shut off here, all by myself." + +Mrs Corby laughed, her fat comfortable laugh. + +"Bless your 'art, you can come along and welcome. I'll be proud to have +you. It ain't much you know of housework, I expect, but it'll do you no +harm to learn. I'll find you some little jobs." + +"Oh, I'm not so useless as you think. I can brush and dust, and polish, +and wash up, and I know a good deal about cooking. I'll make a salad to +eat with the cold meat--a real French salad. I'm sure Mr Corby would +enjoy a French salad," cried Claire, glancing out of the window at the +well-stocked kitchen garden, and thinking of the wet lettuce and uncut +onions, which were the good woman's idea of the dish in question. "May +I make one to-day?" + +Mrs Corby smiled with a fine resignation. Personally she wanted none +of them nasty messy foods, but there! the poor thing meant well, and if +it would make her happy, let her have her way. So Claire collected her +materials, and washed and mixed, and filled a great bowl, and decorated +the top with slices of hardboiled eggs, and a few bright nasturtium +blossoms, while three linty-locked children stood by, watching with +fascinated attention. At dinner Claire thoroughly enjoyed her share of +her own salad, but the verdict of the country-people was far from +enthusiastic. + +"I don't go for to deny that it tasted well enough," Mrs Corby said +with magnanimous candour, "but what I argue is, what's the sense of +using up all them extras--eggs, and oil, and what not--when you can +manage just as well without? I've never seen the day when I couldn't +relish a bit o' plain lettuce and a plate of good spring onions!" + +"But the eggs and the dressing make it more nourishing," Claire +maintained. "In France the peasants have very often nothing but salad +for their dinner--great dishes of salad, with plenty of eggs." + +"Eh, poor creatures! It makes your heart bleed to think of it. We may +be thankful we are not foreign born!" Mrs Corby pronounced with +unction, and Claire retired from the struggle, and decided that for the +future it would be more tactful to learn, rather than to endeavour to +teach. The next morning, therefore, she worked under Mrs Corby's +supervision, picking fruit, feeding chickens, searching for eggs, and +other light tasks designed to keep her in the open air; and in the +afternoon accompanied the children on a message to a farm some distance +away. The path lay across the fields, away from the main road, and on +returning an hour later, Mrs Corby's figure was seen standing by her +own gate, her hand raised to her eyes, as though watching for their +approach. The children broke into a run, and Claire hurried forward, +her heart beating with deep excited throbs. What was it? _Who_ was it? +Nobody but Sophie and Cecil knew her address, but still, but still-- +For a moment hope soared, then sank heavily down as Mrs Corby +announced-- + +"A lady, miss. Come to see you almost as soon as you left. She's +waiting in the parlour." + +Cecil! Claire hardly knew if she were sorry or relieved. It would be a +blessing to have some one to whom she could speak, but, on the other +hand, what poor Cecil had to say would not fail to be depressing. She +went slowly down the passage, taking a grip over her own courage, opened +the door, and stood transfixed. + +In the middle of the hard horsehair sofa sat Mrs Fanshawe herself, her +elaborately coiffured, elaborately attired figure looking +extraordinarily out of place in the prim bareness of the little room. +Her gloved hands were crossed on her lap, she sat ostentatiously erect, +her satin cloak falling around her in regal folds; her face was a trifle +paler than usual, but the mocking light shone in her eyes. At Claire's +entrance she stood up, and crossed the little room to her side. + +"My dear," she said calmly, "I am an obstinate old woman, but I have the +sense to know when I'm beaten. I have come to offer my apologies." + +A generous heart is quick to forgive. At that moment Claire felt a pang +indeed, but it came not from the remembrance of her own wrongs, but from +the sight of this proud, domineering woman humbling herself to a girl. +Impulsively she threw out both hands, impulsively she stopped Mrs +Fanshawe's lips with the kiss which she had refused at parting. + +"Oh, stop! Please don't! Don't say any more. I was wrong, too. I +took offence too quickly. You were thinking of me, as well as of +yourself." + +"Oh, no, I was not," the elder woman corrected quietly. "Neither of +you, nor your friend, my dear, though I took advantage of the excuse. +You came between me and my plans, and I wanted to get you out of the +way. You saw through me, and I suppose I deserved to be seen through. +It's an unpleasant experience, but if it's any satisfaction to you to +know it, I've been _well_ punished for interfering. Erskine has seen to +my punishment." + +The blood rushed to Claire's face. How much did Mrs Fanshawe know? +Had Erskine told her of that hurried interview upon the station? Had he +by any possibility told what he had _asked_? The blazing cheeks asked +the question as plainly as any words, and Mrs Fanshawe replied to it +without delay. + +"Oh, yes, my dear, I know all about it. It was because I guessed that +was coming that I wanted to clear the coast; but it appears that I was +too late. Shall we sit down and talk this out, and for pity's sake see +that that woman doesn't come blundering in. It's such an anti-climax to +have to deal with a tea-tray in the midst of personal explanations. I'm +not accustomed to eating humble pie, and if I am obliged to do it at +all, I prefer to do it in private." + +"She won't come. I don't have tea for another hour," Claire assured +her. "And please don't eat humble pie for me. I was angry at the time, +but you had been very kind to me before. I--I enjoyed that first week +very much." + +"And so did I!" Mrs Fanshawe gave one of her dry, humorous, little +laughs. "You are a charming companion, my dear. I was a little in love +with you myself, but-- Well! to be honest, it did not please me that my +son should follow my example. He is my only child, and I am proud and +ambitious for him, as any mother would be. I did not wish him to marry +a--a--" + +"A gentlewoman who was honourably working at an honourable profession!" +concluded Claire for her, with a general stiffening of pose, voice and +manner; but Mrs Fanshawe only laughed once more, totally unaffected by +the pose. + +"No, my dear, I did not! It's very praiseworthy, no doubt, to train the +next generation, but it doesn't appeal to me in the present connection. +I was thinking of my son, and I wanted him to have a wife of position +and fortune, who would be able to help his career. If you had been a +girl of fortune and position, I should have been quite ready to welcome +you. You are a pretty creature, and much more intelligent than most +girls of your age, but, you see, you are not--" + +"I have no money but what I earn, but I belong to a good family. I +object to your saying that I have no position, Mrs Fanshawe, simply +because I live in lodgings and work for my living!" + +Mrs Fanshawe shrugged with a touch of impatience. + +"Oh, well, my dear, why bandy words? I have told you that I am beaten, +so it's useless to argue the point. Erskine has decided for himself, +and, as I told you before, one might as well try to bend a granite wall +as move him when he has once made up his mind. I've planned, and +schemed, and hoped, and prayed for the last dozen years, and at the +first sight of that pretty face of yours all my plans went to the wall. +If I'd been a wise woman I would have recognised the inevitable, and +given in with a good grace, but I never was wise, never shall be, so I +ran my head up against the wall. I've been through a bad time since you +left me, my dear, and I was forgiven only on the understanding that I +came here and made my peace with you. Have I made peace? Do you +understand what I mean? That I withdraw my opposition, and if you +accept my boy, you shall have nothing to fear. I'll make you welcome; +and I'll be as good to you as it's in my nature to be. I'll treat you +with every courtesy. Upon my word, my dear, as mothers-in-law go, I +think you would come off pretty well!" + +"I--I--I'm sure--You're very kind..." Claire stammered in helpless +embarrassment; and Mrs Fanshawe, watching her, first smiled, then +sighed, and said in a quick low voice-- + +"Ah, my dear, you can afford to be generous! If you live to be my age, +and have a son of your own, whom you have loved, and cherished, and +mothered for over thirty years, and at the end he speaks harshly to you +for the sake of a girl whom he has known a few short months, puts her +before you, finds it hard to forgive you because you have wounded her +pride--ah, well, it's hard to bear! I don't want to whine, but--don't +make it more difficult for me than you can help! I have apologised. +Now it's for you--" + +Claire put both arms round the erect figure, and rested her head on the +folds of the black satin cloak. Neither spoke, but Mrs Fanshawe lifted +a little lace-edged handkerchief to her eyes, and her shoulders heaved +once and again. Then suddenly she arose and walked towards the door. + +"The car is waiting. Don't come with me, my dear. I'll see you again." + +She waived Claire back in the old imperious way against which there was +no appeal. Evidently she wished to be alone, and Claire re-seated +herself on the sofa, flushed, trembling, so shaken out of her bearings +that it was difficult to keep hold of connected thought. The impossible +had happened. In the course of a few short minutes difficulties which +had seemed insurmountable had been swept from her path. Within her +grasp was happiness so great, so dazzling that the very thought of it +took away her breath. + +Her eyes fell on the watch at her wrist. Ten minutes to four! Twenty +minutes ago--barely twenty minutes--at the end of the field path she had +looked at that little gold face with a dreamy indifference, wondering +only how many minutes remained to be whiled away before it was time for +tea. Even a solitary tea-drinking had seemed an epoch in the uneventful +day. Uneventful! Claire mentally repeated the word, the while her eyes +glowed, and her heart beat in joyful exultation. Surely, surely in +after-remembrance this day would stand out as one all-important, epoch- +making. + +And then suddenly came a breathless question. How had Mrs Fanshawe +discovered her retreat? No address had been left at Laburnum Crescent; +no address had been given to Janet Willoughby. Cecil was in her +mother's home; Sophie in hospital. In the name of all that was +mysterious and inexplicable, _how had she been tracked_? + +Claire sat bolt upright on her sofa, her grey eyes widened in amaze, her +breath coming sharply through her parted lips. She thrilled at the +realisation that Erskine's will had overcome all difficulties. Had not +Mrs Fanshawe declared that she came at his instigation? And where the +mother had come, would not the son follow? + +At that moment a shadow fell across the floor; against the open space of +the window a tall figure stood, blocking the light. Erskine's eager +eyes met her own. Before the first gasp of surprise had left her lips, +his strong hands had gripped the sill, he had vaulted over and stood by +her side. + +"I sent on my advance guard, and waited till her return. Did you think +you had hidden yourself where I could not find you? I should have found +you wherever you had gone; but as it happens it was easy enough. You +forgot that you had forwarded flowers to your friend in hospital! She +was ready enough to give me your address. And now--_Claire_"--he held +out his hands, gazing down into her face--"what have you to say to me +now?" + +Instinctively Claire's hands stretched out to meet his, but on the +following impulse she drew back, clasping them nervously behind her +back. + +"Oh, are you _sure_?" she cried breathlessly. "Are you _sure_ you are +sure? Think what it means! Think of the difference it might make! I +have no money, no influence; I'd be an expense to you, and a drag when +another girl might help. Think! Think! Oh, do be quite sure!" + +Erskine's stern eyes melted into a beautiful tenderness as he looked at +her troubled face. He waited no longer, but came a step nearer, and +took forcible possession of the hidden hands. + +"It is not my feelings which are in question; it is _yours_. There has +been no doubt in my mind for months past. I think you know that, +Claire!" + +"But--your career?" + +"I can look after my own career. Do you think it is the straight thing +to suggest to a soldier that he needs a woman to help him in his work? +It's not as a soldier I need you, but as a man. I need you there, +Claire. I need you badly! No one else could help me as you can!" + +Claire's lips quivered, but still she hung back, standing away from him +at the length of her stretched arms. + +"I've no money. I'm a--a school-mistress. Your friends will think--" + +"I am not considering what my friends will think." + +"Your mother thought--" + +"I am not asking you to marry my mother. Mothers of only sons are hard +to please, but you know as well as I can tell you that the mater is fond +of you at heart, and that she will grow fonder still. She had her own +ideas, and she fought for them, but she won't fight any more. You +mustn't be hard on the mater, Claire. She has done her best for me to- +day." + +"I know! I know! I was sorry for her. Sorrier than I was for myself. +It's so hard that I should have come between you two!" + +At that Erskine laughed, a short, impatient laugh. + +"Oh, Claire, Claire, how long are you going to waste time in discussing +other people's feelings, before you tell me about your own? Darling, +I'm in love with you!--I'm in love for the first time in my life. I'm +impatient. I'm waiting. There's no one in the world for me at this +moment but just yourself; I'm waiting for you to forget every one but +me. Do you love me, Claire?" + +"You know I do! You know I do! Oh!" cried Claire, yielding to the +strength of the strong arms, and resting her head on the broad shoulder +with an unspeakable rush of joy and rest. "Oh, but you don't know how +much! I can't tell you--I can't put it into words, but it's my whole +heart, my whole life! Oh, every _thought_ has been with you for such a +long, long time." + +"My darling! My own sweet, brave little girl! And my thoughts with +you! Thank God, we shall be together now. We have had enough of +separation and chance meetings. There must be an end of that. You'll +have to marry me at once!" + +This was rushing ahead with a vengeance! Claire shook her head, with a +little laugh sweet as a chime of joy bells. + +"You ridiculous--boy! I can't. It's impossible. You forget my work. +There's all next term. I couldn't possibly leave without giving +notice." + +"Couldn't you! We'll see to that. Do you seriously believe that I'm +going to let you go back to that drudgery, and kick my heels waiting for +four months? You don't understand the kind of man you are marrying, my +lass!" + +Claire loved the sound of that "my lass," loved the close grip of the +arms, the feel of the rough cheek against her own. For a few minutes +neither spoke, too utterly, completely absorbed in each other's +presence. To Claire, as to Erskine, a four months' delay seemed an aeon +of time through which to wade before the consummation of a perfect +happiness, but it seemed impossible that it could be avoided. + +"Miss Farnborough would never let me off. She would be indignant with +me for asking." + +"I'll tackle Miss Farnborough. Leave Miss Farnborough to me!" returned +Erskine with so confident an air that Claire shook with amusement, +seeing before her a picture of her lover seated _tete-a-tete_ with the +formidable "Head," breaking to her the news that one of her staff +intended to play truant. + +"It's very easy to say that. You don't know her. She thinks everything +in the world comes second to education." + +"What if she does? I'll agree with her. You're the most precious +darling in all the world, but you can't honestly believe that there +aren't a thousand other mistresses who could teach those flappers as +well, or better! Whereas for _me_--well! it's Claire, or no one. I'll +throw myself on the good lady's tender mercies, and ask for your release +as a favour to myself, and I bet you anything you like that I succeed. +Miss Farnborough was a woman before she was a school-mistress. She'll +set you free all right!" + +"Perhaps--perhaps possibly at the half term." + +"Rubbish--the half term! We'll be married and settled down before we +get near then... Where will you go for our marriage, Claire? To Mrs +Willoughby? I'm sure she'd be willing." + +"No!--no!" Claire marvelled at the obtuseness of men; at the utter +unconsciousness of this particular man of the reason why Mrs +Willoughby's house should be the last one on earth from which his +marriage should take place. And then in the midst of these +questionings, to her own surprise a sudden pricking of tears came to her +eyes, and she cried sharply, "I want mother! I must have mother. She +must come home. She'll come at once, when she hears--" + +"We'll cable to-day. That will be best of all. I'm longing to meet +your mother, and you ought to have her with you, little lass! Poor, +little, lonely lass! Please God, you shall never be lonely any more." + +"Ah, Erskine darling, but the _other women_!" Claire cried, and there +was the sharpness of pain in her voice. + +From within the shelter of her lover's arms her heart went out in a wave +of tenderness towards her sisters who stood apart from the royal feast; +towards Cecil with her blighted love, Sophie with her blighted health, +with the thousand others for whom they stood as types; the countless +hordes of women workers for whom life was a monotonous round of grey- +hued days, shadowed by the prospect of age and want. From the shelter +of her lover's arms, Claire Gifford vowed herself to the service of her +working sisters. From the bottom of her heart she thanked God for the +year of work which had taught her to _understand_. + +THE END. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Independence of Claire, by +Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE INDEPENDENCE OF CLAIRE *** + +***** This file should be named 21098.txt or 21098.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/1/0/9/21098/ + +Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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