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diff --git a/21214.txt b/21214.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..cb74ed2 --- /dev/null +++ b/21214.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1943 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Law and Lawyers of Pickwick, by Frank +Lockwood + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: The Law and Lawyers of Pickwick + A Lecture + + +Author: Frank Lockwood + + + +Release Date: April 25, 2007 [eBook #21214] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LAW AND LAWYERS OF PICKWICK*** + + + + + +Transcribed from the 1894 Roxburghe Press edition by David Price, email +ccx074@pglaf.org + + + + + +The Law +and +Lawyers of Pickwick. + + +_A LECTURE_. + +With an Original Drawing of "Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz." + +BY +FRANK LOCKWOOD, +Q.C. M.P. + +LONDON: +_THE ROXBURGHE PRESS_, +_3_, _Victoria Street_, _Westminster_, +AND +32, CHARING CROSS, S.W. + +Uniform with this Edition. + +CHARLES DICKENS' HEROINES AND WOMEN-FOLK: + +Some Thoughts Concerning Them. + +BY +CHARLES F. RIDEAL. + +_With an original Drawing of Edith Dombey_. + +{Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz: p0.jpg} + + + + +PREFATORY. + + +At the request of my friend Lord Russell of Killowen, then +Attorney-General, I delivered this lecture at the Morley Hall, Hackney, +on December 13th, 1893. I had previously delivered it in the city of +York at the request of some of my constituents. I feel that some apology +is required for its reproduction in a more permanent form, which apology +I most respectfully tender to all who may read this little book. + +F. L. + + + + +THE LAW AND LAWYERS OF "PICKWICK." + + +Sir CHARLES RUSSELL: I stand but for a single instant between you and our +friend, Mr. Lockwood. He needs no introduction here; but I am sure I may +in your name bid him a hearty welcome. + +Mr. FRANK LOCKWOOD: Mr. Attorney-General, Ladies and Gentlemen--It is +some little time ago that I was first asked whether I was prepared to +deliver a lecture. Now I am bound at the outset to confess to you that +lecturing has been and is very little in my way. I spent some three +years of my life at the University in avoiding lectures. But it came +about that in the constituency which I have the honour to represent, it +was suggested to me that it was necessary for me to give a lecture, and +it was further explained to me that it did not really very much matter as +to what I lectured about. I am bound to say there was a very great charm +to me in the idea of lecturing my constituents. I know it does sometimes +occur that constituents lecture their representatives, especially in +Scotland, and I was anxious, if I might, to have an opportunity of +lecturing those who had so many opportunities of reading, no doubt very +useful lectures to me. But the difficulty was to find a subject. My own +profession suggested itself to me as a fit topic for a lecture, but +unfortunately my profession is not a popular one. I do not know how it +is, but you never find a lawyer introduced either into a play or into a +three-volume novel except for the purpose of exposing him as a scoundrel +in the one, and having him kicked in the third act in the other. I do +not know how it is, but so it is. All the heroes of fiction either in +the drama or in the novel are found in the ranks--no, not in the ranks of +the army, but in the officers of the army, or in the clergy. It is so in +novels, it is so in dramas; Mr. Attorney-General, I believe it is so in +real life. + +And so, looking about for a subject, being reminded, as I was, that the +subject of the law was unpopular, I turned--as I have often done in the +hour of trouble--I turned to my Dickens, and there I found that at any +rate in Dickens we have a great literary man who has been impartial in +his treatment of lawyers. He has seen both the good and the bad in them, +and it occurred to me that my lecture might take the form of dealing with +the lawyers of Dickens. I soon found that was too great a subject to be +dealt with within the short space which could be accorded to any +reasonable lecturer by any reasonable audience. I found that the novels +of Dickens abounded with lawyers, to use a perhaps apt expression. Having +regard to my profession, they fairly bristled with them, and so I +determined to take the lawyers of one of his books; and I chose as that +book "Pickwick"; and I chose as my title "The Law and the Lawyers of +'Pickwick.'" + +Ladies and gentlemen, it is an extraordinary thing when we look at this +book, when we reflect that it contains within its pages no less than +three hundred and sixty characters, all drawn vividly and sharply, all +expressing different phases of human thought, and of human life, and +every one of them original; when we reflect that that book was written by +a young man of twenty-three years of age. In that book I found that he +portrayed with life-like fidelity constables, sheriffs' officers, +beadles, ushers, clerks, solicitors, barristers, and last, but by no +means least, a judge. Every incident of the early life of this great +author bore fruit in his writings. No portion of his struggles and +experiences seemed to have made a deeper impress on him than did those +early days, as he said himself in the character of David Copperfield:-- + + If it should appear from anything I may set down in this narrative + that I was a child of close observation, or that as a man I have a + strong memory of my childhood, I undoubtedly lay claim to both of + these characteristics. + +His first introduction to the terrors of the law was an unspeakably sad +one--sad, indeed, to his affectionate and imaginative nature. "I know," +he writes, "that we got on very badly with the butcher and baker, that +very often we had not too much for dinner, and that at last my father was +arrested." He never forgot--how could he, knowing what we know the lad +to have been?--often carrying messages to the dismal Marshalsea. "I +really believed," he wrote, "that they had broken my heart." His first +visit to his father he thus describes:-- + + My father was waiting for me in the lodge, and we went up to his room + (on the top story but one), and cried very much. And he told me, I + remember, to take warning by the Marshalsea, and to observe that if a + man had twenty pounds a year and spent nineteen pounds nineteen + shillings and sixpence, he would be happy, but that a shilling spent + the other way would make him wretched. I see the fire we sat before + now, with two bricks inside the rusted grate, one on each side, to + prevent its burning too many coals. Some other debtor shared the room + with him, who came in by-and-by; and as the dinner was a joint stock + repast I was sent up to "Captain Porter" in the room overhead, with + Mr. Dickens's compliments, and I was his son, and could he, Captain + P., lend me a knife and fork? + + Captain Porter lent the knife and fork, with his compliments in + return. There was a very dirty lady in his room, and two wan girls, + his daughters, with shock heads of hair. I thought I should not have + liked to borrow Captain Porter's comb. The Captain himself was in the + last extremity of shabbiness; and if I could draw at all, I would draw + an accurate portrait of the old, old, brown great-coat he wore, with + no other coat below it. His whiskers were large. I saw his bed + rolled up in a corner; and what plates, and dishes, and pots he had on + a shelf; and I knew (God knows how!) that the two girls with the shock + heads were Captain Porter's natural children, and that the dirty lady + was not married to Captain P. My timid, wondering station on his + threshold was not occupied more than a couple of minutes, I daresay; + but I came down to the room below with all this as surely in my + knowledge as the knife and fork were in my hand. + +When the stern necessities of the situation required the detention of Mr. +Pickwick in the old Fleet Prison, we have produced a lifelike +representation of the debtors' gaol; and I believe that the reforms which +have made such an institution a thing of the past are in a great part +owing to the vivid recollection which enabled him to point to the horrors +and injustice which were practised in the sacred name of law. + +At the age of fifteen we find Dickens a bright, clever-looking youth in +the office of Mr. Edward Blackmore, attorney-at-law in Gray's Inn, +earning at first 13_s_. 6_d_. a week, afterwards advanced to 15_s_. +Eighteen months' experience of this sort enabled him in the pages of +Pickwick thus to describe lawyers' clerks:-- + + There are several grades of lawyers' clerks. There is the articled + clerk, who has paid a premium, and is an attorney in perspective, who + runs a tailor's bill, receives invitations to parties, knows a family + in Gower Street, and another in Tavistock Square; who goes out of town + every Long Vacation to see his father, who keeps live horses + innumerable; and who is, in short, the very aristocrat of clerks. + There is the salaried clerk--out of door, or in door, as the case may + be--who devotes the major part of his thirty shillings a week to his + personal pleasure and adornment, repairs half-price to the Adelphi + Theatre at least three times a week, dissipates majestically at the + cider cellars afterwards, and is a dirty caricature of the fashion + which expired six months ago. There is the middle-aged copying clerk, + with a large family, who is always shabby, and often drunk. And there + are the office lads in their first surtouts, who feel a befitting + contempt for boys at day-schools; club as they go home at night for + saveloys and porter: and think there's nothing like "life." + +I fancy Dickens never rose above the status of office boy, and probably +as such wore his first surtout. We hear of him reporting later in the +Lord Chancellor's Court, probably for some daily paper; but beyond the +exception which I shall mention presently, we have no record of his +taking an active and direct part in any of those mysterious rites that go +to make up our legal procedure. + +Upon this question of the opportunities he had for knowing in what way a +lawyer is trained, I must here acknowledge the debt of gratitude that I +am under to my very good friend Mr. Henry Fielding Dickens, one of her +Majesty's Counsel; and how rejoiced, Mr. Attorney-General, would that +father have been had he been able to see the position which his son has +won for himself. He wrote to me a long and kind letter, in which he gave +me further information as to his father's opportunity for observing +lawyers and their mode of living, and he told me that which I did not +know before, and which I think but few people knew before, namely, that +his father had kept a term or two at one of the Inns of Court. He had +eaten the five or six dinners which is part of the necessary legal +education for a barrister; and he had suffered in consequence the usual +pangs of indigestion. But it is not to that that I wish to allude to- +night. Dickens did that which I venture to think but few have done; for, +giving up all idea of pursuing a legal education, and finding that the +dinners did not agree with him, he got back from the Inns of Court some +of the money which he had deposited at that Inn. You are all familiar +with the process which is known as getting butter out of a dog's mouth; I +venture to think that that is an easy thing compared with getting money +back from an Inn of Court. + +But that is not all that Mr. Dickens told me. He wrote down for me an +experience his father once had with the family solicitor, which, I think, +is worth your hearing. "My father's solicitor, Mr. Ouvry," he says, "was +a very well-known man, a thorough man of the world, and one in whose +breast reposed many of the secrets of the principal families of England. +On one occasion my father was in treaty for a piece of land at the back +of Gad's Hill, and it was proposed that there should be an interview with +the owner, a farmer, a very acute man of business, and a very hard nut to +crack. It was arranged that the interview with him should be at Gad's +Hill, and the solicitor came down for the purpose. My father and Ouvry +were sitting over their wine when the old man was announced. 'We had +better go in to him,' said my father. 'No, no,' said the astute lawyer. +'John,' said he, turning to the butler, 'show him into the study, and +take him a bottle of the old port.' Then turning to my father, 'A glass +of port will do him good; it will soften him.' After waiting about +twenty minutes they went into the study; the farmer was sitting bolt +upright in an arm-chair, stern and uncompromising; the bottle of port had +not been touched. Negotiations then proceeded very much in favour of the +farmer, and a bargain was struck. The old man then proceeded to turn his +attention to the port, and in a very few minutes he had finished the +bottle." + +Mr. Dickens also told me of his father's knowledge of the legal +profession, and of the distinguished members of it. Though not himself, +he writes, of the legal profession, my father was very fond of lawyers. +He numbered among his intimate friends Lord Denman, Lord Campbell, Mr. +Justice Talfourd, Chief Justice Crockford; in fact, it is difficult to +name any eminent lawyer who could not claim acquaintance, at any rate, +with our great author. And he tells me, too, an anecdote relating to a +distinguished lawyer of the present day--Sir Henry Hawkins. We nearly +lost that great man, I think about the year 1851, on the occasion of some +theatricals at Knebworth. The play was _Every Man in his Humour_, and +Frank Stone, the artist, father of Mr. Marcus Stone, R.A., was allowed to +play a part with a sword. (Those of you who have had any experience of +theatrical matters know how dangerous it is to trust a sword to an +amateur.) He came up flourishing the sword, and if Mr. Hawkins had not +ducked we should have lost that eminent man; but he did it just in time. + +Before I introduce you to the types of the judge, the counsel, the +solicitors, let me say something to you of the district in which lawyers +live, or rather in Dickens's time lived, and still do congregate. From +Gray's Inn in the north to the Temple in the south, from New Inn and +Clement's Inn in the west to Barnard's Inn in the east. I once lived +myself in Clement's Inn, and heard the chimes go, too; and I remember one +day I sat in my little room very near the sky (I do not know why it is +that poverty always gets as near the sky as possible; but I should think +it is because the general idea is that there is more sympathy in heaven +than elsewhere), and as I sat there a knock came at the door, and the +head of the porter of Clement's Inn presented itself to me. It was the +first of January, and he gravely gave me an orange and a lemon. He had a +basketful on his arm. I asked for some explanation. The only +information forthcoming was that from time immemorial every tenant on New +Year's Day was presented with an orange and a lemon, and that I was +expected, and that every tenant was expected, to give half-a-crown to the +porter. Further inquiries from the steward gave me this explanation, +that in old days when the river was not used merely as a sewer, the fruit +was brought up in barges and boats to the steps from below the bridge and +carried by porters through the Inn to Clare Market. Toll was at first +charged, and this toll was divided among the tenants whose convenience +was interfered with; hence the old lines beginning "Oranges and lemons +said the bells of St. Clement's." I have often wondered whether the rest +of the old catch had reason as well as rhyme. + +Dickens loved the old Inns and squares. Traddles lived in Gray's Inn: +Traddles who was in love with "the dearest girl in the world"; Tom Pinch +and his sister used to meet near the fountain in the Middle Temple; Sir +John Chester had rooms in Paper Buildings; Pip lived in Garden Court at +the time of the collapse of Great Expectations; Mortimer Lightwood and +Eugene Wrayburn had their queer domestic partnership in the Temple. The +scene of the murderous plot in "Hunted Down" is also laid in the Temple, +"at the top of a lonely corner house overlooking the river," probably the +end house of King's Bench Walk. Mr. Grewgious, Herbert Pocket, and Joe +Gargery are associated with Staple Inn and Barnard's Inn. + +Lincoln's Inn has not been forgotten; for though Mr. Tulkinghorn lived in +the Fields, yet Serjeant Snubbin was to be found in Lincoln's Inn Old +Square. + +I never could understand why Dickens located the Serjeant in the realms +of Equity; but what should interest us more to-night is the fact that the +greater part of "Pickwick" was written in Furnival's Inn, which, as +Dickens describes it, was "a shady, quiet place echoing to the footsteps +of the stragglers there, and rather monotonous and gloomy on summer +evenings." + +But to know the Inns as Dickens knew them, let us accompany Mr. Pickwick +to the Magpie and Stump in search of Mr. Lowten, Mr. Perker's clerk. + + "Is Mr. Lowten here, ma'am?" inquired Mr. Pickwick. + + "Yes, he is, sir," replied the landlady. "Here, Charley, show the + gentleman in to Mr. Lowten." + + "The gen'lm'n can't go in just now," said a shambling pot-boy, with a + red head, "'cos Mr. Lowten's singin' a comic song, and he'll put him + out. He'll be done d'rectly, sir." + +Well, you know, respectable solicitors (clerks) don't sing comic songs at +public houses nowadays, but that is how Mr. Pickwick found Mr. Lowten. + + "Would you like to join us?" said Mr. Lowten, when at length he had + finished his comic song and been introduced to Mr. Pickwick. And I am + very glad that Mr. Pickwick did join them, as he heard something of + the old Inns from old Jack Bamber. + + "I have been to-night, gentlemen," said Mr. Pickwick, hoping to start + a subject which all the company could take a part in discussing--"I + have been to-night in a place which you all know very well, doubtless, + but which I have not been in for some years, and know very little of; + I mean Gray's Inn, gentlemen. Curious little nooks in a great place, + like London, these old Inns are." + + "By Jove!" said the chairman, whispering across the table to Mr. + Pickwick, "you have hit upon something that one of us, at least, would + talk upon for ever. You'll draw old Jack Bamber out; he was never + heard to talk about anything else but the Inns, and he has lived alone + in them till he's half crazy." + + "Aha!" said the old man, a brief description of whose manner and + appearance concluded the last chapter, "aha! who was talking about the + Inns?" + + "I was, sir," replied Mr. Pickwick; "I was observing what singular old + places they are." + + "_You_!" said the old man, contemptuously. "What do _you_ know of the + time when young men shut themselves up in those lonely rooms, and read + and read, hour after hour, and night after night, till their reason + wandered beneath their midnight studies; till their mental powers were + exhausted: till morning's light brought no freshness or health to + them; and they sank beneath the unnatural devotion of their youthful + energies to their dry old books? Coming down to a later time, and a + very different day, what do _you_ know of the gradual sinking beneath + consumption, or the quick wasting of fever--the grand results of + 'life' and dissipation--which men have undergone in these same rooms? + How many vain pleaders for mercy, do you think, have turned away heart- + sick from the lawyer's office, to find a resting-place in the Thames, + or a refuge in the gaol? They are no ordinary houses, those. There + is not a panel in the old wainscoting but what, if it were endowed + with the powers of speech and memory, could start from the wall and + tell its tale of horror--the romance of life, sir, the romance of + life! Commonplace as they may seem now, I tell you they are strange + old places, and I would rather hear many a legend with a + terrific-sounding name than the true history of one old set of + chambers." + + There was something so odd in the old man's sudden energy, and the + subject which had called it forth, that Mr. Pickwick was prepared with + no observation in reply; and the old man checking his impetuosity, and + resuming the leer, which had disappeared during his previous + excitement, said,-- + + "Look at them in another light; their most common-place and least + romantic. What fine places of slow torture they are! Think of the + needy man who has spent his all, beggared himself and pinched his + friends to enter the profession, which will never yield him a morsel + of bread. The waiting--the hope--the disappointment--the fear--the + misery--the poverty--the blight on his hopes and end to his career--the + suicide, perhaps, or the shabby, slipshod drunkard. Am I not right + about them?" And the old man rubbed his hands, and leered as if in + delight at having found another point of view in which to place his + favourite subject. + + Mr. Pickwick eyed the old man with great curiosity, and the remainder + of the company smiled, and looked on in silence. + + "Talk of your German universities," said the little old man. "Pooh! + pooh! there's romance enough at home without going half a mile for it; + only people never think of it.'" + + "I never thought of the romance of this particular subject before, + certainly," said Mr. Pickwick, laughing. + + "To be sure you didn't," said the little old man, "of course not. As + a friend of mine used to say to me, 'What is there in chambers in + particular?' 'Queer old places,' said I. 'Not at all,' said he. + 'Lonely,' said I. 'Not a bit of it,' said he. He died one morning of + apoplexy, as he was going to open his outer door. Fell with his head + in his own letter-box, and there he lay for eighteen months. Everybody + thought he'd gone out of town. + + "And how was he found out at last?" inquired Mr. Pickwick. + + "The benchers determined to have his door broken open, as he hadn't + paid any rent for two years. So they did. Forced the lock; and a + very dusty skeleton in a blue coat, black knee-shorts, and silks, fell + forward in the arms of the porter who opened the door. Queer, that. + Rather, perhaps?" The little old man put his head more on one side, + and rubbed his hands with unspeakable glee. + + "I know another case," said the little old man, when his chuckles had + in some degree subsided. "It occurred in Clifford's Inn. Tenant of a + top set--bad character--shut himself up in his bedroom closet, and + took a dose of arsenic. The steward thought he had run away; opened + the door and put a bill up. Another man came, took the chambers, + furnished them, and went to live there. Somehow or other he couldn't + sleep--always restless and uncomfortable. 'Odd,' says he. 'I'll make + the other room my bedchamber, and this my sitting-room.' He made the + change, and slept very well at night, but suddenly found that, + somehow, he couldn't read in the evening; he got nervous and + uncomfortable, and used to be always snuffing his candles and staring + about him. 'I can't make this out,' said he, when he came home from + the play one night, and was drinking a glass of cold grog, with his + back to the wall, in order that he mightn't be able to fancy there was + any one behind him--'I can't make it out,' said he; and just then his + eyes rested on the little closet that had been always locked up, and a + shudder ran through his whole frame from top to toe. 'I have felt + this strange feeling before,' said he. 'I can't help thinking there's + something wrong about that closet.' He made a strong effort, plucked + up his courage, shivered the lock with a blow or two of the poker, + opened the door, and there, sure enough, standing bolt upright in the + corner, was the last tenant, with a little bottle clasped firmly in + his hand, and his face--well!" As the little old man concluded he + looked round on the attentive faces of his wondering auditory with a + smile of grim delight. + + "What strange things these are you tell us of, sir," said Mr. + Pickwick, minutely scanning the old man's countenance by the aid of + his glasses. + + "Strange!" said the little old man. "Nonsense; you think them strange + because you know nothing about it. They are funny, but not uncommon." + + "Funny!" exclaimed Mr. Pickwick, involuntarily. + + "Yes, funny, are they not?" replied the little old man, with a + diabolical leer; and then, without pausing for an answer, he + continued,-- + + "I knew another man--let me see--forty years ago now--who took an old, + damp, rotten set of chambers in one of the most ancient Inns, that had + been shut up and empty for years and years before. There were lots of + old women's stories about the place, and it certainly was very far + from being a cheerful one; but he was poor, and the rooms were cheap, + and that would have been quite a sufficient reason for him, if they + had been ten times worse than they really were. He was obliged to + take some mouldering fixtures that were on the place, and, among the + rest, was a great lumbering wooden press for papers, with large glass + doors, and a green curtain inside; a pretty useless thing for him, for + he had no papers to put in it; and as to his clothes, he carried them + about with him, and that wasn't very hard work either. Well, he had + moved in all his furniture--it wasn't quite a truck-full--and had + sprinkled it about the room, so as to make the four chairs look as + much like a dozen as possible, and was sitting down before the fire at + night, drinking the first glass of two gallons of whisky he had + ordered on credit, wondering whether it would ever be paid for, and if + so, in how many years' time, when his eyes encountered the glass doors + of the wooden press. 'Ah,' says he, 'if I hadn't been obliged to take + that ugly article at the old broker's valuation I might have got + something comfortable for the money. I'll tell you what it is, old + fellow,' he said, speaking aloud to the press, having nothing else to + speak to, 'if it wouldn't cost more to break up your old carcase than + it would ever be worth afterwards, I'd have a fire out of you in less + than no time.' He had hardly spoken the words when a sound, + resembling a faint groan, appeared to issue from the interior of the + case. It startled him at first, but thinking, on a moment's + reflection, that it must be some young fellow in the next chamber, who + had been dining out, he put his feet on the fender, and raised the + poker to stir the fire. At that moment the sound was repeated, and + one of the glass doors slowly opening disclosed a pale and emaciated + figure in soiled and worn apparel standing erect in the press. The + figure was tall and thin, and the countenance expressive of care and + anxiety; but there was something in the hue of the skin, and gaunt and + unearthly appearance of the whole form, which no being of this world + was ever seen to wear. 'Who are you?' said the new tenant, turning + very pale, poising the poker in his hand, however, and taking a very + decent aim at the countenance of the figure. 'Who are you?' 'Don't + throw that poker at me,' replied the form. 'If you hurled it with + ever so sure an aim, it would pass through me without resistance, and + expend its force on the wood behind. I am a spirit.' 'And, pray, + what do you want here?' faltered the tenant. 'In this room,' replied + the apparition, 'my worldly ruin was worked, and I and my children + beggared. In this press the papers in a long, long suit, which + accumulated for years, were deposited. In this room, when I had died + of grief and long-deferred hope, two wily harpies divided the wealth + for which I had contested during a wretched existence, and of which, + at last, not one farthing was left for my unhappy descendants. I + terrified them from the spot, and since that day have prowled by + night--the only period at which I can re-visit the earth--about the + scenes of my long-protracted misery. This apartment is mine; leave it + to me.' 'If you insist on making your appearance here,' said the + tenant, who had time to collect his presence of mind during this prosy + statement of the ghost's, 'I shall give up possession with the + greatest pleasure; but I should like to ask you one question, if you + will allow me.' 'Say on,' said the apparition, sternly. 'Well,' said + the tenant, 'I don't apply the observation personally to you, because + it is equally applicable to most of the ghosts I ever heard of; but it + does appear to me somewhat inconsistent that when you have an + opportunity of visiting the fairest spots of earth--for I suppose + space is nothing to you--you should always return exactly to the very + places where you have been most miserable.' 'Egad, that's very true; + I never thought of that before,' said the ghost. 'You see, sir,' + pursued the tenant, 'this is a very uncomfortable room. From the + appearance of that press I should be disposed to say that it is not + wholly free from bugs; and I really think you might find much more + comfortable quarters, to say nothing of the climate of London, which + is extremely disagreeable.' 'You are very right, sir,' said the + ghost, politely; 'it never struck me till now; I'll try a change of + air directly.' In fact, he began to vanish as he spoke--his legs, + indeed, had quite disappeared. 'And if, sir,' said the tenant, + calling after him, 'if you _would_ have the goodness to suggest to the + other ladies and gentlemen who are now engaged in haunting old empty + houses, that they might be much more comfortable elsewhere, you will + confer a very great benefit on society.' 'I will,' replied the ghost; + 'we must be dull fellows, very dull fellows indeed; I can't imagine + how we can have been so stupid.' With these words the spirit + disappeared; and what is rather remarkable," added the old man, with a + shrewd look round the table, "he never came back again." + +But I must not delay longer over where the lawyers live. The lawyers of +Dickens furnish me with three types of the practising solicitor or +attorney, each admirable in its way. First, Mr. Perker, whose aid Mr. +Wardle seeks to release Miss Rachel Wardle from that scoundrel Jingle. He +is described as a little high-dried man, with a dark squeezed-up face, +and small restless black eyes, that kept winking and twinkling on each +side of his little inquisitive nose, as if they were playing a perpetual +game of peep-bo with that feature. He was dressed all in black, with +boots as shiny as his eyes, a low white neckcloth, and a clean shirt with +a frill to it. A gold watch-chain and seals depended from his fob. He +carried his black kid gloves _in_ his hands, and not _on_ them; and as he +spoke, thrust his wrists beneath his coat-tails, with the air of a man +who was in the habit of propounding some regular posers. + +He lived at Montague Place, Russell Square, and had offices in Gray's +Inn, and appears to have had a large and very respectable business, into +the details of which we have not time to travel; but perhaps the +cleverest piece of business he ever did was when, as Agent to the +Honourable Samuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall, he brought about the return +of that honourable gentleman as Member of Parliament. I suppose we have +all read the account of that memorable election, which is a pretty +accurate record of what went on at Eatanswill, and I am credibly informed +at many other places. + +Mr. Pickwick and his companions, in their quest for experience, set out +for the excitement of a contested election, and found their way to the +agent's room. + + "Ah--ah, my dear sir," said the little man, advancing to meet him; + "very happy to see you, my dear sir, very. Pray sit down. So you + have carried your intention into effect. You have come down here to + see an election--eh?" + + Mr. Pickwick replied in the affirmative. + + "Spirited contest, my dear sir," said the little man. + + "I'm delighted to hear it," said Mr. Pickwick, rubbing his hands. "I + like to see sturdy patriotism, on whatever side it is called + forth;--and so it's a spirited contest?" + + "Oh, yes," said the little man, "very much so indeed. We have opened + all the public-houses in the place, and left our adversary nothing but + the beer-shops--masterly stroke of policy that, my dear sir, eh?" + + The little man smiled complacently, and took a large pinch of snuff. + + "And what are the probabilities as to the result of the contest?" + inquired Mr. Pickwick. + + "Why, doubtful, my dear sir; rather doubtful as yet," replied the + little man. "Fizkin's people have got three-and-thirty voters in the + lock-up coach-house at the White Hart." + + "In the coach-house!" said Mr. Pickwick, considerably astonished by + this second stroke of policy. + + "They keep 'em locked up there till they want 'em," resumed the little + man. "The effect of that is, you see, to prevent our getting at them; + and even if we could, it would be of no use, for they keep them very + drunk on purpose. Smart fellow Fizkin's agent--very smart fellow + indeed." + + Mr. Pickwick stared, but said nothing. + + "We are pretty confident, though," said Mr. Perker, sinking his voice + almost to a whisper. "We had a little tea-party here last night--five- + and-forty women, my dear sir--and gave every one of 'em a green + parasol when she went away." + + "A parasol?" said Mr. Pickwick. + + "Fact, my dear sir, fact. Five-and-forty green parasols at seven and + sixpence a-piece. All women like finery--extraordinary the effect of + those parasols. Secured all their husbands, and half their + brothers--beat stockings, and flannel, and all that sort of thing + hollow. My idea, my dear sir, entirely. Hail, rain, or sunshine, you + can't walk half-a-dozen yards up the street without encountering half- + a-dozen green parasols." + + On the day of the election the stable yard exhibited unequivocal + symptoms of the glory and strength of the Eatanswill Blues. There was + a regular army of blue flags, some with one handle, and some with two, + exhibiting appropriate devices, in golden characters four feet high, + and stout in proportion. There was a grand band of trumpets, + bassoons, and drums, marshalled four abreast, and earning their money, + if ever men did, especially the drum beaters, who were very muscular. + There were bodies of constables with blue staves, twenty committee men + with blue scarves, and a mob of voters with blue cockades. There were + electors on horseback and electors on foot. There was an open + carriage and four, for the Honourable Samuel Slumkey; and there were + four carriages and pair, for his friends and supporters; and the flags + were rustling, and the band was playing, and the constables were + swearing, and the twenty committee men were squabbling, and the mob + were shouting, and the horses were backing, and the post-boys were + perspiring; and everybody, and everything, then and there assembled, + was for the special use, behoof, honour, and renown, of the Honourable + Samuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall, one of the candidates for the + representation of the Borough of Eatanswill, in the Commons House of + Parliament of the United Kingdom. + + Loud and long were the cheers, and mighty was the rustling of one of + the blue flags, with "Liberty of the Press" inscribed thereon, when + the sandy head of Mr. Pott was discerned in one of the windows by the + mob beneath; and tremendous was the enthusiasm when the Honourable + Samuel Slumkey himself, in top boots, and a blue neckerchief, advanced + and seized the hand of the said Pott, and melodramatically testified + by gestures to the crowd his ineffaceable obligations to the + _Eatanswill Gazette_. + + "Is everything ready?" said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey to Mr. + Perker. + + "Everything, my dear sir," was the little man's reply. + + "Nothing has been omitted, I hope?" said the Honourable Samuel + Slumkey. + + "Nothing has been left undone, my dear sir--nothing whatever. There + are twenty washed men at the street door for you to shake hands with; + and six children in arms that you're to pat on the head, and inquire + the age of; be particular about the children, my dear sir,--it has + always a great effect, that sort of thing." + + "I'll take care," said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey. + + "And perhaps, my dear sir," said the cautious little man, "perhaps if + you _could_--I don't mean to say it's indispensable--but if you + _could_ manage to kiss one of 'em it would produce a very great + impression on the crowd." + + "Wouldn't it have as good an effect if the proposer or seconder did + that?" said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey. + + "Why, I am afraid it wouldn't," replied the agent; "if it were done by + yourself, my dear sir, I think it would make you very popular." + + "Very well," said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey, with a resigned air, + "then it must be done. That's all." + + "Arrange the procession," cried the twenty committee men. + + Amidst the cheers of the assembled throng, the band, and the + constables, and the committee men, and the voters, and the horsemen, + and the carriages took their places--each of the two-horse vehicles + being closely packed with as many gentlemen as could manage to stand + upright in it; and that assigned to Mr. Perker containing Mr. + Pickwick, Mr. Tupman, Mr. Snodgrass, and about half-a-dozen of the + committee beside. + + There was a moment of awful suspense as the procession waited for the + Honourable Samuel Slumkey to step into his carriage. Suddenly the + crowd set up a great cheering. + + "He has come out," said little Mr. Perker, greatly excited; the more + so as their position did not enable them to see what was going + forward. + + Another cheer, much louder. + + "He has shaken hands with the men," cried the little agent. + + Another cheer, far more vehement. + + "He has patted the babies on the head," said Mr. Perker, trembling + with anxiety. + + A roar of applause that rent the air. + + "He has kissed one of 'em!" exclaimed the delighted little man. + + A second roar. + + "He has kissed another," gasped the excited manager. + + A third roar. + + "He's kissing 'em all!" screamed the enthusiastic little gentleman. + And hailed by the deafening shouts of the multitude the procession + moved on. + +Ladies and gentlemen, according to our modern ideas this account does not +do much to raise Mr. Perker in our estimation; but the best testimonial +to his memory is to be found in Mr. Pickwick's observation when, being at +last free from all his legal difficulties, he proposed to settle up with +his lawyer. + + "Well, now," said Mr. Pickwick, "let me have a settlement with you." + + "Of the same kind as the last?" inquired Perker, with another laugh, + for Mr. Pickwick had just been dismissing Messrs. Dodson and Fogg with + some strong language indeed. + + "Not exactly," said Mr. Pickwick, drawing out his pocket-book, and + shaking the little man heartily by the hand; "I only mean a pecuniary + settlement. You have done me many acts of kindness that I can never + repay, and have no wish to repay, for I prefer continuing the + obligation." + + With this preface the two friends dived into some very complicated + accounts and vouchers, which, having been duly displayed and gone + through by Perker, were at once discharged by Mr. Pickwick with many + professions of esteem and friendship. + +Never was bill of costs so pleasantly discharged, though I know many +lawyers who have won the friendship and esteem of their clients. + +The next type is that of Messrs. Dodson and Fogg, of Freeman's Court, +Cornhill. The character of the genial partner is best described by one +of his clerks in a conversation overheard by Mr. Pickwick and Sam Weller +while waiting for an interview with this celebrated firm. + + "There was such a game with Fogg here this morning," said the man in + the brown coat, "while Jack was upstairs sorting the papers, and you + two were gone to the stamp-office. Fogg was down here opening the + letters when that chap as we issued the writ against at Camberwell, + you know, came in--what's his name again?" + + "Ramsey," said the clerk who had spoken to Mr. Pickwick. + + "Ah, Ramsey--a precious seedy-looking customer. 'Well, sir,' says old + Fogg, looking at him very fierce--you know his way--'well, sir, have + you come to settle?' 'Yes, I have, sir,' said Ramsey, putting his + hand in his pocket and bringing out the money; 'the debt's two pound + ten, and the costs three pound five, and here it is, sir,' and he + sighed like bricks as he lugged out the money, done up in a bit of + blotting-paper. Old Fogg looked first at the money, and then at him, + and then he coughed in his rum way, so that I knew something was + coming. 'You don't know there's a declaration filed, which increases + the costs materially, I suppose?' said Fogg. 'You don't say that, + sir,' said Ramsey, starting back; 'the time was only out last night, + sir.' 'I do say it, though,' said Fogg; 'my clerk's just gone to file + it. Hasn't Mr. Jackson gone to file that declaration in Bullman and + Ramsey, Mr. Wicks?' Of course I said yes, and then Fogg coughed + again, and looked at Ramsey. 'My God!' said Ramsey; 'and here have I + nearly driven myself mad, scraping this money together, and all to no + purpose.' 'None at all,' said Fogg, coolly; 'so you had better go + back and scrape some more together, and bring it here in time.' 'I + can't get it, by God!' said Ramsey, striking the desk with his fist. + 'Don't bully me, sir,' said Fogg, getting into a passion on purpose. + 'I am not bullying you, sir,' said Ramsey. 'You are,' said Fogg; 'get + out, sir; get out of this office, sir, and come back, sir, when you + know how to behave yourself.' Well, Ramsey tried to speak, but Fogg + wouldn't let him, so he put the money in his pocket and sneaked out. + The door was scarcely shut when old Fogg turned round to me, with a + sweet smile on his face, and drew the declaration out of his coat + pocket. 'Here, Wicks,' said Fogg, 'take a cab and go down to the + Temple as quick as you can and file that. The costs are quite safe, + for he's a steady man with a large family, at a salary of five-and- + twenty shillings a week; and if he gives us a warrant of attorney, as + he must in the end, I know his employers will see it paid, so we may + as well get all we can out of him, Mr. Wicks; it's a Christian act to + do it, Mr. Wicks, for with his large family and small income he'll be + all the better for a good lesson against getting into debt--won't he, + Mr. Wicks, won't he?' and he smiled so good-naturedly as he went away + that it was delightful to see him. 'He is a capital man of business,' + said Wicks, in a tone of the deepest admiration; 'capital, isn't he?'" + +Mr. Fogg, we are told, was an elderly, pimply-faced, vegetable diet sort +of man, in a black coat, and dark-mixtured trousers; and Mr. Dodson was a +plump, portly, stern-looking man, with a loud voice. And it was from +these worthies that Mr. Pickwick had received a letter dated the 28th of +August, 1827. + + FREEMAN'S COURT, CORNHILL. + _Bardell against Pickwick_. + + SIR,--Having been instructed by Mrs. Martha Bardell to commence an + action against you for a breach of promise of marriage, for which the + plaintiff lays her damages at fifteen hundred pounds, we beg to inform + you that a writ has been issued against you in this suit in the Court + of Common Pleas, and request to know, by return of post, the name of + your attorney in London, who will accept service thereof. + + We are, Sir, + Your obedient servants, + DODSON AND FOGG. + MR. SAMUEL PICKWICK. + +I am bound to say that Mr. Pickwick did not conduct himself with his +usual dignity on the occasion of his interview on the subject of this +letter. The two sharp practitioners had certainly commenced an action +against him on grounds which, though definite, were wholly inadequate. +But in this alone there was nothing to justify the very violent language +of Mr. Pickwick. + + "Very well, gentlemen, very well," said Mr. Pickwick, rising in person + and wrath at the same time; "you shall hear from my solicitor, + gentlemen." + + "We shall be very happy to do so," said Fogg, rubbing his hands. + + "Very," said Dodson, opening the door. + + "And before I go, gentlemen," said the excited Mr. Pickwick, turning + round on the landing, "permit me to say, that of all the disgraceful + and rascally proceedings--" + + "Stay, sir, stay," interposed Dodson, with great politeness. "Mr. + Jackson! Mr. Wicks!" + + "Sir," said the two clerks, appearing at the bottom of the stairs. + + "I merely want you to hear what this gentleman says," replied Dodson. + "Pray go on, sir--disgraceful and rascally proceedings, I think you + said?" + + "I did," said Mr. Pickwick, thoroughly roused. "I said, sir, that of + all the disgraceful and rascally proceedings that ever were attempted + this is the most so. I repeat it, sir." + + "You hear that, Mr. Wicks?" said Dodson. + + "You won't forget these expressions, Mr. Jackson?" said Fogg. + + "Perhaps you would like to call us swindlers, sir," said Dodson. "Pray + do, sir, if you feel disposed; now pray do, sir." + + "I do," said Mr. Pickwick. "You _are_ swindlers." + + "Very good," said Dodson. "You can hear down there, I hope, Mr. + Wicks?" + + "Oh, yes, sir," said Wicks. + + "You had better come up a step or two higher if you can't," added Mr. + Fogg. "Go on, sir; do go on. You had better call us thieves, sir; or + perhaps you would like to assault one of us. Pray do it, sir, if you + would; we will not make the slightest resistance. Pray do it, sir." + + As Fogg put himself very temptingly within the reach of Mr. Pickwick's + clenched fist there is little doubt that gentleman would have complied + with his earnest entreaty but for the interposition of Sam, who, + hearing the dispute, emerged from the office, mounted the stairs, and + seized his master by the arm. + + "You just come avay," said Mr. Weller. "Battledore and shuttlecock's + a wery good game, when you ain't the shuttlecock and two lawyers the + battledores, in which case it gets too excitin' to be pleasant. Come + avay, sir. If you want to ease your mind by blowing up somebody come + out into the court and blow up me; but it's rayther too expensive work + to be carried on here." + +With that good advice Mr. Weller took Mr. Pickwick away from the lawyers' +office. But before we say anything about the trial itself let me +introduce to you another solicitor not so well known as either Perker or +Dodson and Fogg, but to my mind the most interesting as he certainly is +the most humorous. + +Mr. Pell had the honour of being the legal adviser of Mr. Weller, Senior. +The latter gentleman always stoutly maintained that if Mr. Pickwick had +had the services of Mr. Pell, and had established an _alibi_, the great +case of Bardell against Pickwick would have been decided otherwise. Mr. +Pell practised in the Insolvency Court. He "was a fat, flabby, pale man, +in a surtout which looked green one moment, and brown the next, with a +velvet collar of the same chameleon tints. His forehead was narrow, his +face wide, his head large, and his nose all on one side, as if Nature, +indignant with the propensities she observed in him at his birth, had +given it an angry tweak which it had never recovered. Being short-necked +and asthmatic, however, he respired principally through this feature; so, +perhaps, what it wanted in ornament, it made up in usefulness." + +Mr. Pell had successfully piloted Mr. Weller through the Insolvency +Court, and his services were sought to carry out the process by which Sam +Weller became a voluntary prisoner in the Fleet at the suit of his +obdurate parent. + + "The late Lord Chancellor, gentlemen, was very fond of me," said Mr. + Pell. + + "And wery creditable in him, too," interposed Mr. Weller. + + "Hear, hear," assented Mr. Pell's client. "Why shouldn't he be?" + + "Ah, why, indeed!" said a very red-faced man, who had said nothing + yet, and who looked extremely unlikely to say anything more. "Why + shouldn't he?" + + A murmur of assent ran through the company. + + "I remember, gentlemen," said Mr. Pell, "dining with him on one + occasion. There was only us two, but everything as splendid as if + twenty people had been expected--the great seal on a dumb-waiter at + his right, and a man in a bag-wig and suit of armour guarding the mace + with a drawn sword and silk stockings--which is perpetually done, + gentlemen, night and day; when he said, 'Pell,' he said, 'no false + delicacy, Pell. You're a man of talent; you can get anybody through + the Insolvent Court, Pell; and your country should be proud of you.' + Those were his very words. 'My lord,' I said, 'you flatter me.' + 'Pell,' he said, 'if I do I'm damned.'" + + "Did he say that?" inquired Mr. Weller. + + "He did," replied Pell. + + "Vell, then," said Mr. Weller, "I say Parliament ought to ha' took it + up; and if he'd been a poor man they _would_ ha' done it." + + "But, my dear friend," argued Mr. Pell, "it was in confidence." + + "In what?" said Mr. Weller. + + "In confidence." + + "Oh! wery good," replied Mr. Weller, after a little reflection. "If + he damned hisself in confidence, o' course that was another thing." + + "Of course it was," said Mr. Pell. "The distinction's obvious, you + will perceive." + + "Alters the case entirely," said Mr. Weller. "Go on, sir." + + "No, I will not go on, sir," said Mr. Pell, in a low and serious tone. + "You have reminded me, sir, that this conversation was private--private + and confidential, gentlemen. Gentlemen, I am a professional man. It + may be that I am a good deal looked up to in my profession--it may be + that I am not. Most people know. I say nothing. Observations have + already been made in this room injurious to the reputation of my noble + friend. You will excuse me, gentlemen; I was imprudent. I feel that + I have no right to mention this matter without his concurrence. Thank + you, sir; thank you." + + Thus delivering himself, Mr. Pell thrust his hands into his pockets, + and, frowning grimly around, rattled three-halfpence with terrible + determination. + +We hear also of Mrs. Pell. + + Mrs. Pell was a tall figure, a splendid woman, with a noble shape, and + a nose, gentlemen, formed to command, gentlemen, and be majestic. She + was very much attached to me--very much--highly connected, too. Her + mother's brother, gentlemen, failed for eight hundred pounds, as a law + stationer. + +So we have, ladies and gentlemen, these three types of this honourable +profession. To my mind they have never been quite placed in their proper +order. Perker has been universally admired and looked up to; Dodson and +Fogg have been universally denounced; Mr. Pell has been suffered to +remain unnoticed. Well, let us judge fairly the merits of these three +gentlemen. + +If Mr. Perker had lived to-day instead of in the year 1827, he would +undoubtedly have been tried for the part he took in the Eatanswill +election. What is the charge, after all, against Messrs. Dodson and +Fogg, except that question with regard to poor Ramsey?--which, after all, +is only a story told by the clerk Wicks, upon whom I do not think we can +place very much reliance. What else did Dodson and Fogg do that should +make them the object of obloquy and universal execration? They brought +an action for breach of promise of marriage--some people think such +actions should never be brought at all--they brought the action for +breach of promise of marriage; they made a little arrangement with regard +to costs, unprofessional if you like, but still nothing to bring down +upon them the denouncement to which they have been made subject. So far +as Mr. Pickwick was concerned, he had absolutely nothing to complain of +in their conduct; and I venture to say it was most reprehensible in him +under the circumstances to use the language which he did upon the +occasion which I have quoted. But against Mr. Pell there is absolutely +nothing to be said. He perhaps romanced a little with regard to his +friendship with the Lord Chancellor; but which of us would not like to be +on friendly terms with the Lord Chancellor? On that trifling +exaggeration there is nothing practically to be urged against him; and +while I claim for Mr. Pell the position of premier in this matter, I am +sorry I have to accord to Mr. Perker the third place. + +Well, now, although I would love to linger over Mr. Pell, I must pass on +to say something of the counsel mentioned in this admirable work. But +before I consider the more eminent and the more conspicuous of these, +there is one member of the Bar who is seldom alluded to, but of whom I +wish to say something to-night. I refer to Mr. Prosee. Mr. Prosee very +few of you have ever heard of. He dined with Mr. Perker at Montague +Place, Russell Square, on one occasion. It must have been rather a dull +dinner party, for there were present two good country agents, Mr. Snicks, +the Life Office Secretary, Mr. Prosee, the eminent counsel, three +solicitors, one Commissioner of Bankrupts, a special pleader from the +Temple, a small-eyed, peremptory young gentleman, his pupil, who had +written a lively book about the law of demises, with a vast quantity of +marginal notes and references; and several other eminent and +distinguished personages, including the Mr. Prosee just mentioned. + +Ladies and gentlemen, I do not know how it is, but I have always +associated Mr. Prosee with the Equity Bar. It may be that his name +suggests it. + + Well, I come now to the counsel which is better known to you, namely + Serjeant Snubbin. + + "We've done everything that's necessary," said Mr. Perker. "I have + retained Serjeant Snubbin." + + "Is he a good man?" inquired Mr. Pickwick. + + "Good man!" replied Perker. "Bless your heart and soul, my dear sir, + Serjeant Snubbin is at the very top of his profession. Gets treble + the business of any man in court--engaged in every case. You needn't + mention it abroad, but we say--we of the profession--that Serjeant + Snubbin leads the court by the nose." + + "I should like to see him," said Mr. Pickwick. + + "See Serjeant Snubbin, my dear sir!" rejoined Perker, in utter + amazement. "Pooh, pooh! my dear sir, impossible! See Serjeant + Snubbin! Bless you, my dear sir, such a thing was never heard of + without a consultation fee being previously paid, and a consultation + fixed. It couldn't be done, my dear sir--it couldn't be done!" + +Thus was Mr. Pickwick brought face to face with the difficulty of seeing +his own counsel. He could not understand why, having retained the +services of a professional man and paid for them, there should exist any +impediment to prevent access to him. I won't discuss to-night the +advisability or non-advisability of dividing the profession of the law +into two parts, but I do say that any system which prevents litigants +having the fullest personal communication with those they have paid to +represent them is an anomaly and an absurdity. + +But Mr. Pickwick was a person of determination, and he did see Serjeant +Snubbin, and he delivered to that learned gentleman a short address that +was well worthy of his attention, as it is of every member of the Bar, +including your very humble servant. + + "Gentlemen of your profession, sir," continued Mr. Pickwick, "see the + worst side of human nature. All its disputes, all its ill-will and + bad blood, rise up before you. You know from your experience of + juries (I mean no disparagement to you, or them) how much depends upon + _effect_; and you are apt to attribute to others a desire to use, for + purposes of deception and self-interest, the very instruments which + you, in pure honesty and honour of purpose, and with a laudable desire + to do your utmost for your client, know the temper and worth of so + well, from constantly employing them yourselves. I really believe + that to this circumstance may be attributed the vulgar but very + general notion of your being, as a body, suspicious, distrustful, and + overcautious. Conscious as I am, sir, of the disadvantage of making + such a declaration to you, under such circumstances, I have come here, + because I wish you distinctly to understand, as my friend Mr. Perker + has said, that I am innocent of the falsehood laid to my charge; and + although I am very well aware of the inestimable value of your + assistance, sir, I must beg to add that, unless you sincerely believe + this, I would rather be deprived of the aid of your talents than have + the advantage of them." + + The only effect this had upon Serjeant Snubbin was to cause him to ask + rather snappishly,-- + + "Who is with me in this case?" + + "Mr. Phunky, Serjeant Snubbin," replied the attorney. + + "Phunky, Phunky," said the Serjeant, "I never heard the name before. + He must be a very young man." + + "Yes, he is a very young man," replied the attorney. "He was only + called the other day. Let me see--he has not been at the Bar eight + years yet." + + "Ah, I thought not," said the Serjeant, in that sort of pitying tone + in which ordinary folks would speak of a very helpless little child. + "Mr. Mallard, send round to Mr.--Mr.--" + + "Phunky's--Holborn Court, Gray's Inn," interposed Perker. (Holborn + Court, by-the-bye, is South Square now.) + + "Mr. Phunky, and say I should be glad if he'd step here a moment." + + Mr. Mallard departed to execute his commission, and Serjeant Snubbin + relapsed into abstraction until Mr. Phunky himself was introduced. + + Although an infant barrister he was a full-grown man. He had a very + nervous manner, and a painful hesitation in his speech; it did not + appear to be a natural defect, but seemed rather the result of + timidity, arising from the consciousness of being "kept down" by want + of means, or interest, or connection, or impudence, as the case might + be. He was overawed by the Serjeant, and profoundly courteous to the + attorney. + + "I have not had the pleasure of seeing you before, Mr. Phunky," said + Serjeant Snubbin, with haughty condescension. + + Mr. Phunky bowed. He _had_ had the pleasure of seeing the Serjeant, + and of envying him too, with all a poor man's envy, for eight years + and a quarter. + + "You are with me in this case, I understand?" said the Serjeant. + + If Mr. Phunky had been a rich man he would have instantly sent for his + clerk to remind him; if he had been a wise one he would have applied + his forefinger to his forehead, and endeavoured to recollect whether, + in the multiplicity of his engagements, he had undertaken this one or + not; but as he was neither rich nor wise (in this sense, at all + events) he turned red and bowed. + + "Have you read the papers, Mr. Phunky?" inquired the Serjeant. + + Here again Mr. Phunky should have professed to have forgotten all + about the merits of the case; but as he had read such papers as had + been laid before him in the course of the action, and had thought of + nothing else, waking or sleeping, throughout the two months during + which he had been retained as Mr. Serjeant Snubbin's junior, he turned + a deeper red and bowed again. + + "This is Mr. Pickwick," said the Serjeant, waving his pen in the + direction in which that gentleman was standing. + + Mr. Phunky bowed to Mr. Pickwick with a reverence which a first client + must ever awaken, and again inclined his head towards his leader. + + "Perhaps you will take Mr. Pickwick away," said the Serjeant, + "and--and--and--hear anything Mr. Pickwick may wish to communicate. We + shall have a consultation, of course." With this hint that he had + been interrupted quite long enough, Mr. Serjeant Snubbin, who had been + gradually growing more and more abstracted, applied his glass to his + eye for an instant, bowed slightly round, and was once more deeply + immersed in the case before him, which arose out of an interminable + law-suit originating in the act of an individual, deceased a century + or so ago, who had stopped up a pathway leading from some place which + nobody ever came from to some other place which nobody ever went to. + + Mr. Phunky would not hear of passing through any door until Mr. + Pickwick and his solicitor had passed through before him, so it was + some time before they got into the Square; and when they did reach it + they walked up and down, and held a long conference, the result of + which was that it was a very difficult matter to say how the verdict + would go; that nobody could presume to calculate on the issue of an + action; that it was very lucky they had prevented the other party from + getting Serjeant Snubbin; and other topics of doubt and consolation + common in such a position of affairs. + +Mr. Pickwick's lawsuit was to be tried in the Court of Common Pleas, a +division in which Serjeants-at-Law had the exclusive right to practise. +At this time, 1827, and indeed up till 1873, every common law judge was +turned into a Serjeant, if he were not one ere he was promoted to the +Bench. It was a solemn kind of ceremony. The subject of the operation +was led out of the precincts of the Inns of Court; the church bell tolled +as for one dead. + +He was then admitted member of Serjeants' Inn; and the judge would +address the Serjeants who practised before him as Brother So-and-So. +Justice Lindley was the last judge who took the degree, a degree the only +outward visible sign of which is the black patch or coif which is +attached to the top of the wig. I do not know what kind of counsel +Serjeant Snubbin, retained by Mr. Perker for the defendant, was; but +Dodson and Fogg had retained Serjeant Buzfuz for the plaintiff, and we +all know that Serjeant Snubbin was no match for Serjeant Buzfuz. It has +been objected by a writer in _Fraser's Magazine_, to the account of this +trial, that it is full of inconsistencies. Serjeant Buzfuz' case, he +says, was absurd, and that he would not have been able to browbeat any +witness, and that no jury could have given a verdict on such evidence. +This criticism resembles many other criticisms of Pickwick. Had the +description in Pickwick been intended as a serious picture of the +proceedings in a court of justice, it would have been open to much +serious dissection and examination. + +But the writer just quoted did not, it seems, possess a sufficient sense +of humour to enable him to see that this chapter of "Pickwick" was +intended for broad fun amounting to burlesque, and nothing more; and to +examine Mr. Buzfuz' proceedings by the light of the law is to strip them +of their meaning. + +I mentioned just now that this trial took place in 1827. At that time, +as I daresay some of you are aware, the parties to the action could not +be called upon to give evidence; and Lord Denman did not, I think, till +1843 remove the Arcadian fetters which bound the litigants in this +fashion. But, ladies and gentlemen, what a fortunate thing it was for +Mr. Pickwick that he could not be called upon that occasion. If Mr. +Pickwick had been called he would have been cross-examined. Let us +imagine for a moment what that cross-examination would have been. Suppose +merely for the sake of example that that operation had been performed by +my honourable and learned friend the Attorney-General. Cannot you +imagine how in the first place he would forcibly but firmly have +interrogated Mr. Pickwick with regard to his conduct after the cricket +match at Muggleton; how he would have asked him whether he was prepared +to admit, or whether he was prepared to deny, that he was drunk upon that +occasion? Could you not imagine how my honourable and learned friend, +passing on from that topic, would have alluded to what I think he would +have termed the disgraceful incident when, on the 1st of September, Mr. +Pickwick was found in a wheelbarrow on the ground of Captain Boldwig, and +was removed to the public pound, from which he was only extricated by the +violence of his friends and servant? Passing on from that topic, would +not my honourable and learned friend have reminded him of how he had been +bound over at Ipswich before Mr. Nupkins, together with his friend Mr. +Tupman, and called upon to find bail for good behaviour for six months? +Then in conclusion how my friend would have turned to that incident in +the double-bedded room at Ipswich, at the Great White Horse, and how my +learned friend, with that skill which he possesses, would, bit by bit, by +slow degrees, have extricated from that miserable man the confession that +he had been found in that double-bedded room, a spinster lady being there +at the same time. Ladies and gentlemen, what would have been left of Mr. +Pickwick after that process had been gone through? His only relief would +have been to write to the _Times_ newspaper, and to complain of cross- +examination. + +Indeed, no notice of this case, as indeed no reference to the lawyers of +"Pickwick," would be regarded as in any sense complete that did not +include the remarkable forensic efforts of Serjeant Buzfuz. Oft read, +oft recited, oft quoted, it stands to-day, perhaps, the best-known speech +ever delivered at the Bar. + +We are told that the speech of Serjeant Snubbin was long and emphatic, +but at any rate it was ineffective, and that learned gentleman committed +a grave error in entrusting the cross-examination of Mr. Winkle to Mr. +Phunky. Now it does sometimes happen, in the course of a case, that +owing to the absence of the leading counsel, which sometimes occurs, the +cross-examination of a witness, perchance an important one, is left to +some junior; but this excuse did not exist in this case. Serjeant +Snubbin was there in Court, because we hear that he winked at Mr. Phunky +to intimate to him that he had better sit down; and this, as we know, +from what I have told you just now, was the first brief that Mr. Phunky +had ever had. No, Serjeant Snubbin was over-matched throughout by +Serjeant Buzfuz, and Mr. Phunky was no match even for the scheming junior +on the other side, and Perker was no match for Dodson and Fogg. The law, +as we are told in one of George Eliot's books, is a kind of cock-fight, +in which it is the business of injured honesty to get a game bird with +the best pluck and the strongest spurs; and I venture to think that the +combined pluck of Buzfuz and Skimpin by far outweighed any of that +commodity possessed by Snubbin and Phunky. No wonder Mr. Pickwick lost +his case; but his case never recovered the effect of the speech which I +now propose to read to you. + + Serjeant Buzfuz began by saying that never, in the whole course of his + professional experience--never, from the very first moment of his + applying himself to the study and practice of the law--had he + approached a case with feelings of such deep emotion, or with such a + heavy sense of the responsibility imposed upon him--a responsibility, + he would say, which he could never have supported, were he not buoyed + up and sustained by a conviction so strong, that it amounted to + positive certainty that the cause of truth and justice, or, in other + words, the cause of his much injured and most oppressed client, must + prevail with the high-minded and intelligent dozen of men whom he now + saw in that box before him. + + Counsel usually begin in this way, because it puts the jury on the + very best terms with themselves, and makes them think what sharp + fellows they must be. A visible effect was produced immediately; + several jurymen beginning to take voluminous notes with the utmost + eagerness. + + "You have heard from my learned friend, gentlemen," continued Serjeant + Buzfuz--well knowing that, from the learned friend alluded to, the + gentlemen of the jury had heard just nothing at all--"you have heard + from my learned friend, gentlemen, that this is an action for breach + of promise of marriage, in which the damages are laid at 1,500 pounds. + But you have not heard from my learned friend, inasmuch as it did not + come within my learned friend's province to tell you, what are the + facts and circumstances of the case. Those facts and circumstances, + gentlemen, you shall hear detailed by me, and proved by the + unimpeachable female whom I will place in that box before you." + + Here Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz, with a tremendous emphasis on the word + "box," smote his table with a mighty sound, and glanced at Dodson and + Fogg, who nodded admiration to the Serjeant, and indignant defiance of + the defendant. + + "The plaintiff, gentlemen," continued Serjeant Buzfuz, in a soft and + melancholy voice, "the plaintiff is a widow; yes, gentlemen, a widow. + The late Mr. Bardell, after enjoying, for many years, the esteem and + confidence of his sovereign, as one of the guardians of his royal + revenues, glided almost imperceptibly from the world, to seek + elsewhere for that repose and peace which a custom house can never + afford." + + At this pathetic description of the decease of Mr. Bardell, who had + been knocked on the head with a quart pot in a public-house cellar, + the learned Serjeant's voice faltered, and he proceeded with emotion,-- + + "Some time before his death he had stamped his likeness upon a little + boy. With this little boy, the only pledge of her departed exciseman, + Mrs. Bardell shrunk from the world, and courted the retirement and + tranquillity of Goswell Street; and here she placed in her front + parlour-window a written placard, bearing this inscription--'Apartments + furnished for a single gentleman. Inquire within.'" Here Serjeant + Buzfuz paused, while several gentlemen of the jury took a note of the + document. + + "There is no date to that, is there?" inquired a juror. + + "There is no date, gentlemen," replied Serjeant Buzfuz; "but I am + instructed to say that it was put in the plaintiff's parlour-window + just this time three years. I entreat the attention of the jury to + the wording of this document. 'Apartments furnished for a single + gentleman!' Mrs. Bardell's opinions of the opposite sex, gentlemen, + were derived from a long contemplation of the inestimable qualities of + her lost husband. She had no fear, she had no distrust, she had no + suspicion, all was confidence and reliance. 'Mr. Bardell,' said the + widow, 'Mr. Bardell was a man of honour, Mr. Bardell was a man of his + word, Mr. Bardell was no deceiver, Mr. Bardell was once a single + gentleman himself; _to_ single gentlemen I look for protection, for + assistance, for comfort, and for consolation; _in_ single gentlemen I + shall perpetually see something to remind me of what Mr. Bardell was + when he first won my young and untried affections: to a single + gentleman, then, shall my lodgings be let.' Actuated by this + beautiful and touching impulse (among the best impulses of our + imperfect nature, gentlemen) the lonely and desolate widow dried her + tears, furnished her first floor, caught the innocent boy to her + maternal bosom, and put the bill up in her parlour-window. Did it + remain there long? No. The serpent was on the watch, the train was + laid, the mine was preparing, the sapper and miner was at work. Before + the bill had been in the parlour-window three days--three days, + gentlemen--a Being, erect upon two legs, and bearing all the outward + semblance of a man, and not of a monster, knocked at the door of Mrs. + Bardell's house. He inquired within--he took the lodgings; and on the + very next day he entered into possession of them. The man was + Pickwick--Pickwick, the defendant." + + Serjeant Buzfuz, who had proceeded with such volubility that his face + was perfectly crimson, here paused for breath. The silence awoke Mr. + Justice Stareleigh, who immediately wrote down something with a pen + without any ink in it, and looked unusually profound, to impress the + jury with the belief that he always thought most deeply with his eyes + shut. Serjeant Buzfuz proceeded. + + "Of this man Pickwick I will say little; the subject presents but few + attractions; and I, gentlemen, am not the man, nor are you, gentlemen, + the men, to delight in the contemplation of revolting heartlessness + and of systematic villainy." + + Here Mr. Pickwick, who had been writhing in silence for some time, + gave a violent start, as if some vague idea of assaulting Serjeant + Buzfuz, in the august presence of justice and law, suggested itself to + his mind. An admonitory gesture from Perker restrained him, and he + listened to the learned gentleman's continuation with a look of + indignation, which contrasted forcibly with the admiring faces of Mrs. + Cluppins and Mrs. Sanders. + + "I say systematic villainy, gentlemen," said Serjeant Buzfuz, looking + through Mr. Pickwick, and talking _at_ him; "and when I say systematic + villainy, let me tell the defendant Pickwick, if he be in Court--as I + am informed he is--that it would have been more decent in him, more + becoming, in better judgment, and in better taste, if he had stopped + away. Let me tell him, gentlemen, that any gestures of dissent or + disapprobation in which he may indulge in this Court will not go down + with you; that you will know how to value and how to appreciate them; + and let me tell him further, as my lord will tell you, gentlemen, that + a counsel, in the discharge of his duty to his client, is neither to + be intimidated, nor bullied, nor put down; and that any attempt to do + either the one or the other, or the first, or the last, will recoil on + the head of the attempter, be he plaintiff or be he defendant, be his + name Pickwick, or Noakes, or Stoakes, or Stiles, or Brown, or + Thompson." + + This little divergence from the subject in hand had, of course, the + intended effect of turning all eyes to Mr. Pickwick. Serjeant Buzfuz, + having partially recovered from the state of moral elevation into + which he had lashed himself, resumed,-- + + "I shall show you, gentlemen, that for two years Pickwick continued to + reside constantly, and without interruption or intermission, at Mrs. + Bardell's house. I shall show you that Mrs. Bardell, during the whole + of that time, waited on him, attended to his comforts, cooked his + meals, looked out his linen for the washerwoman when it went abroad, + darned, aired, and prepared it for wear, and, in short, enjoyed his + fullest trust and confidence. I shall show you that, on many + occasions, he gave halfpence, and on some occasions even sixpences, to + her little boy; and I shall prove to you, by a witness whose testimony + it will be impossible for my learned friend to weaken or controvert, + that on one occasion he patted the boy on the head, and, after + inquiring whether he had won any _alley tors_ or _commoneys_ lately + (both of which I understand to be a particular species of marbles much + prized by the youth of this town), made use of this remarkable + expression: 'How should you like to have another father?' I shall + prove to you, gentlemen, that about a year ago Pickwick suddenly began + to absent himself from home during long intervals, as with the + intention of gradually breaking off from my client; but I shall show + you also that his resolution was not at that time sufficiently strong, + or that his better feelings conquered, if better feelings he has, or + that the charms and accomplishments of my client prevailed against his + unmanly intentions; by proving to you that on one occasion, when he + returned from the country, he distinctly and in terms offered her + marriage; previously, however, taking special care that there should + be no witnesses to their solemn contract; and I am in a situation to + prove to you, on the testimony of three of his own friends--most + unwilling witnesses, gentlemen--most unwilling witnesses--that on that + morning he was discovered by them holding the plaintiff in his arms, + and soothing her agitation by his caresses and endearment." + + A visible impression was produced upon the auditors by this part of + the learned Serjeant's address. Drawing forth two very small scraps + of paper, he proceeded,-- + + "And now, gentlemen, but one word more. Two letters have passed + between these parties, letters which are admitted to be in the + handwriting of the defendant, and which speak volumes indeed. These + letters, too, bespeak the character of the man. They are not open, + fervent, eloquent epistles, breathing nothing but the language of + affectionate attachment. They are covert, sly, underhanded + communications; but, fortunately, far more conclusive than if couched + in the most glowing language and the most poetic imagery--letters that + must be viewed with a cautious and suspicious eye--letters that were + evidently intended at the time, by Pickwick, to mislead and delude any + third parties into whose hands they might fall. Let me read the + first:--'Garraway's, twelve o'clock. Dear Mrs. B.--Chops and Tomato + sauce; Yours, PICKWICK.' Gentlemen, what does this mean? Chops and + Tomato sauce. Yours, PICKWICK! Chops! Gracious heavens! and Tomato + sauce! Gentlemen, is the happiness of a sensitive and confiding + female to be trifled away by such shallow artifices as these? The + next has no date whatever, which is in itself suspicious. 'Dear Mrs. + B., I shall not be at home till to-morrow. Slow coach.' And then + follows this very remarkable expression: 'Don't trouble yourself about + the warming-pan.' The warming-pan! Why, gentlemen, who _does_ + trouble himself about a warming-pan? When was the peace of mind of + man or woman broken or disturbed by a warming-pan, which is in itself + a harmless, a useful, and I will add, gentlemen, a comfortable article + of domestic furniture? Why is Mrs. Bardell so earnestly entreated not + to agitate herself about this warming-pan, unless (as is no doubt the + case) it is a mere cover for hidden fire--a mere substitute for some + endearing word or promise, agreeably to a preconcerted system of + correspondence, artfully contrived by Pickwick with a view to his + contemplated desertion, and which I am not in a condition to explain! + And what does this allusion to the slow coach mean? For aught I know, + it may be a reference to Pickwick himself, who has most unquestionably + been a criminally slow coach during the whole of this transaction, but + whose speed will now be very unexpectedly accelerated, and whose + wheels, gentlemen, as he will find to his cost, will very soon be + greased by you!" + + Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz paused in this place to see whether the jury + smiled at his joke; but as nobody took it but the greengrocer, whose + sensitiveness on the subject was very probably occasioned by his + having subjected a chaise cart to the process in question on that + identical morning, the learned Serjeant considered it advisable to + undergo a slight relapse into the dismals before he concluded. + + "But enough of this, gentlemen," said Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz, "it is + difficult to smile with an aching heart; it is ill jesting when our + deepest sympathies are awakened. My client's hopes and prospects are + ruined, and it is no figure of speech to say that her occupation is + gone indeed. The bill is down--but there is no tenant. Eligible + single gentlemen pass and repass--but there is no invitation for them + to inquire within or without. All is gloom and silence in the house; + even the voice of the child is hushed--his infant sports are + disregarded when his mother weeps; his 'alley tors' and his + 'commoneys' are alike neglected; he forgets the long familiar cry of + 'knuckle down,' and at tip-cheese, or odd or even, his hand is out. + But Pickwick, gentlemen, Pickwick, the ruthless destroyer of this + domestic oasis in the desert of Goswell Street--Pickwick, who has + choked up the well and thrown ashes on the sward--Pickwick, who comes + before you to-day with his heartless tomato sauce and + warming-pans--Pickwick still rears his head with unblushing + effrontery, and gazes without a sigh on the ruin he has made. Damages, + gentlemen--heavy damages--is the only punishment with which you can + visit him; the only recompense you can award to my client. And for + those damages she now appeals to an enlightened, a high-minded, a + right-feeling, a conscientious, a dispassionate, a sympathising, a + contemplative jury of her civilised countrymen." + +With this beautiful peroration, Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz sat down, and Mr. +Justice Stareleigh woke up. + +Of the judge of this famous case we hear but little. He went to sleep, +and he woke up again, and he tried to look as though he hadn't been +asleep; in fact, he behaved very much as judges do. + + Mr. Justice Stareleigh summed up in the old-established and most + approved form. He read as much of his notes to the jury as he could + decipher on so short a notice, and made running comments on the + evidence as he went along. If Mrs. Bardell were right, it was + perfectly clear that Mr. Pickwick was wrong; and if they thought the + evidence of Mrs. Cluppins worthy of credence they would believe it, + and, if they didn't, why they wouldn't. If they were satisfied that a + breach of promise of marriage had been committed, they would find for + the plaintiff, with such damages as they thought proper; and if, on + the other hand, it appeared to them that no promise of marriage had + ever been given, they would find for the defendant, with no damages at + all. + +So, ladies and gentlemen, in conclusion, let me point out to you how all +these types and instances of lawyers and lawyer life have received fair +and impartial consideration from Charles Dickens, for which I, at any +rate, am grateful. The public, however, to my mind, owe a deeper debt of +gratitude to the man who, by his wit, his courage, and his industry, has +brought about reforms in our legal administration for which all litigants +and honourable practitioners should alike be grateful. + +Sir CHARLES RUSSELL: Ladies and gentlemen,--We have spent, I am sure you +will all think, a most enjoyable, as well as a most instructive evening, +thanks to the vivid picture of the great novelist of our generation put +before us by my friend Mr. Lockwood, who has pointed out with force and +effect the serious obligation we are under for many reforms which exist +in our day through the influence, sometimes serious, sometimes comic, +which the great Charles Dickens gave to the world. It is an interesting +occasion, and not the less interesting when you are informed that in this +room to-night is the son of Mr. Charles Dickens--Mr. Henry Fielding +Dickens--referred to by my friend Mr. Lockwood. Mr. Henry Dickens has +not followed in his father's footsteps; he has chosen for himself the +profession of the bar; and in that profession he has gained for himself a +high and honourable name. At this hour I cannot permit myself to say +more than to ask you to join in the vote of thanks which I now move to my +friend Mr. Lockwood for the very admirable lecture which he has just +given. + +Vote of thanks seconded by MR. HILLIARD. + +Mr. HENRY FIELDING DICKENS: Sir Charles Russell, ladies and gentlemen,--I +assure you that when I came into this room to-night I had no more idea +that I was to make any observations than--the man in the moon. I came +here with the idea of listening to my old friend Mr. Frank Lockwood, with +the sure and certain knowledge that I should derive a great deal of +amusement and interest from his lecture. In that I need hardly say I +have not been disappointed; but I assure you, ladies and gentlemen, that +I have not only been interested, I have been touched. I am not alluding +to the very graceful allusions and far too flattering observation upon +myself given by the Attorney-General, but I am alluding to the spirit +pervading this hall this evening--a spirit which proves to me that the +memory of my father is still green among you all. To us who have the +honour of bearing his name, that memory, I need hardly tell you, is still +sacred; and to find that among his fellow-countrymen, though twenty-three +years have passed since his death, there is still that feeling of +affection felt for him that was felt for him in his lifetime, is most +gratifying to us all. I assure you with all the warmth in my heart, and +in the name of my sister and other members of the family, that I thank +you most sincerely, not only for your generous reception of myself, but +for the feeling you have demonstrated that you bear for my dear father. + +Mr. FRANK LOCKWOOD: Sir Charles Russell, ladies and gentlemen,--I shall +only detain you to say that I thank you for your great kindness to me to- +night; it has been a pleasure to me to come. I was to have come, if I +remember rightly, in June or July, 1892; I could not come because there +was a General Election. I am very glad that I was not prevented from +coming to-night by a--General Election. + +THE END. + +Hazell, Watson, & Viney, Ld., London and Aylesbury. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE LAW AND LAWYERS OF PICKWICK*** + + +******* This file should be named 21214.txt or 21214.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/1/2/1/21214 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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