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| committer | nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> | 2025-04-27 05:21:02 -0700 |
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diff --git a/old/2000-04-txohc10.txt b/old/2000-04-txohc10.txt deleted file mode 100644 index e31e63f..0000000 --- a/old/2000-04-txohc10.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,15442 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's Expedition of Humphry Clinker, by Smollett - - -Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check -the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! - -Please take a look at the important information in this header. -We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an -electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. - - -**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** - -**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** - -*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* - -Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and -further information is included below. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* - - - - - -Scanned in by Martin Adamson -martin@grassmarket.freeserve.co.uk -Proofing by Andreas Philipp -There are many spelling variants - - - - - -THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER - -by TOBIAS SMOLLETT - - - - -To Mr HENRY DAVIS, Bookseller, in London. - -ABERGAVENNY, Aug. 4. - -RESPECTED SIR, - -I have received your esteemed favour of the 13th ultimo, whereby -it appeareth, that you have perused those same Letters, the which -were delivered unto you by my friend, the reverend Mr Hugo Behn; -and I am pleased to find you think they may be printed with a -good prospect of success; in as much as the objections you -mention, I humbly conceive, are such as may be redargued, if not -entirely removed -- And, first, in the first place, as touching -what prosecutions may arise from printing the private -correspondence of persons still living, give me leave, with all -due submission, to observe, that the Letters in question were not -written and sent under the seal of secrecy; that they have no -tendency to the mala fama, or prejudice of any person whatsoever; -but rather to the information and edification of mankind: so that -it becometh a sort of duty to promulgate them in usum publicum. -Besides, I have consulted Mr Davy Higgins, an eminent attorney of -this place, who, after due inspection and consideration, -declareth, That he doth not think the said Letters contain any -matter which will be held actionable in the eye of the law. -Finally, if you and I should come to a right understanding, I do -declare in verbo sacerdotis, that, in case of any such -prosecution, I will take the whole upon my own shoulders, even -quoad fine and imprisonment, though, I must confess, I should not -care to undergo flagellation: Tam ad turpitudinem, quam ad -amaritudinem poenoe spectans -- Secondly, concerning the personal -resentment of Mr Justice Lismahago, I may say, non flocci facio -- -I would not willingly vilipend any Christian, if, peradventure, -he deserveth that epithet: albeit, I am much surprised that more -care is not taken to exclude from the commission all such vagrant -foreigners as may be justly suspected of disaffection to our -happy constitution, in church and state -- God forbid that I -should be so uncharitable, as to affirm, positively, that the -said Lismahago is no better than a Jesuit in disguise; but this I -will assert and maintain, totis viribus, that, from the day he -qualified, he has never been once seen intra templi parietes, -that is to say, within the parish church. - -Thirdly, with respect to what passed at Mr Kendal's table, when -the said Lismahago was so brutal in his reprehensions, I must -inform you, my good Sir, that I was obliged to retire, not by -fear arising from his minatory reproaches, which, as I said -above, I value not of a rush; but from the sudden effect -produced, by a barbel's row, which I had eaten at dinner, not -knowing, that the said row is at certain seasons violently -cathartic, as Galen observeth in his chapter Peri ichtos. - -Fourthly, and lastly, with reference to the manner in which I got -possession of these Letters, it is a circumstance that concerns -my own conscience only; sufficeth it to say, I have fully -satisfied the parties in whose custody they were; and, by this -time, I hope I have also satisfied you in such ways, that the -last hand may be put to our agreement, and the work proceed with -all convenient expedition; in which I hope I rest, - -Respected Sir, -Your very humble servant, - -JONATHAN DUSTWICH. - -P.S. I propose, Deo volente, to have the pleasure of seeing you -in the great city, towards All-hallowtide, when I shall be glad -to treat with you concerning a parcel of MS. sermons, of a -certain clergyman deceased; a cake of the right leaven, for the -present taste of the public. Verbum sapienti, &c. - -J.D. - - - -To the Revd. Mr JONATHAN DUSTWICH, at -- - -SIR, - -I received yours in course of post, and shall be glad to treat -with you for the M.S. which I have delivered to your friend Mr -Behn; but can by no means comply with the terms proposed. Those -things are so uncertain -- Writing is all a lottery -- I have -been a loser by the works of the greatest men of the age -- I -could mention particulars, and name names; but don't choose it -- -The taste of the town is so changeable. Then there have been so -many letters upon travels lately published -- What between -Smollett's, Sharp's, Derrick's, Thicknesse's, Baltimore's, and -Baretti's, together with Shandy's Sentimental Travels, the public -seems to be cloyed with that kind of entertainment -- -Nevertheless, I will, if you please, run the risque of printing -and publishing, and you shall have half the profits of the -impression -- You need not take the trouble to bring up your -sermons on my account -- No body reads sermons but Methodists and -Dissenters -- Besides, for my own part, I am quite a stranger to -that sort of reading; and the two persons, whose judgment I -depended upon in those matters, are out of the way; one is gone -abroad, carpenter of a man of war; and the other, has been silly -enough to abscond, in order to avoid a prosecution for blasphemy --- I'm a great loser by his going off -- He has left a manual of -devotion half finished on my hands, after having received money -for the whole copy -- He was the soundest divine, and had the -most orthodox pen of all my people; and I never knew his judgment -fail, but in flying from his bread and butter on this occasion. - -By owning you was not put in bodily fear by Lismahago, you -preclude yourself from the benefit of a good plea, over and above -the advantage of binding him over. In the late war, I inserted in -my evening paper, a paragraph that came by the post, reflecting -upon the behaviour of a certain regiment in battle. An officer of -said regiment came to my shop, and, in the presence of my wife -and journeyman, threatened to cut off my ears -- As I exhibited -marks of bodily fear more ways than one, to the conviction of the -byestanders, I bound him over; my action lay, and I recovered. As -for flagellation, you have nothing to fear, and nothing to hope, -on that head -- There has been but one printer flogged at the -cart's tail these thirty years; that was Charles Watson; and he -assured me it was no more than a flea-bite. C-- S-- has been -threatened several times by the House of L--; but it came to -nothing. If an information should be moved for, and granted -against you, as the editor of those Letters, I hope you will have -honesty and wit enough to appear and take your trial -- If you -should be sentenced to the pillory, your fortune is made -- As -times go, that's a sure step to honour and preferment. I shall -think myself happy if I can lend you a lift; and am, very -sincerely, - -Yours, - -HENRY DAVIS. -LONDON, Aug. 10th. - -Please my kind service to your neighbour, my cousin Madoc -- I -have sent an Almanack and Court-kalendar, directed for him at Mr -Sutton's, bookseller, in Gloucester, carriage paid, which he will -please to accept as a small token of my regard. My wife, who is -very fond of toasted cheese, presents her compliments to him, and -begs to know if there's any of that kind, which he was so good as -to send us last Christmas, to be sold in London. - -H. D. - - - -THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DOCTOR, - -The pills are good for nothing -- I might as well swallow -snowballs to cool my reins -- I have told you over and over how -hard I am to move; and at this time of day, I ought to know -something of my own constitution. Why will you be so positive? -Prithee send me another prescription -- I am as lame and as much -tortured in all my limbs as if I was broke upon the wheel: -indeed, I am equally distressed in mind and body -- As if I had -not plagues enough of my own, those children of my sister are -left me for a perpetual source of vexation -- what business have -people to get children to plague their neighbours? A ridiculous -incident that happened yesterday to my niece Liddy, has -disordered me in such a manner, that I expect to be laid up with -another fit of the gout -- perhaps, I may explain myself in my -next. I shall set out tomorrow morning for the Hot Well at -Bristol, where I am afraid I shall stay longer than I could wish. -On the receipt of this send Williams thither with my saddle-horse -and the demi pique. Tell Barns to thresh out the two old ricks, -and send the corn to market, and sell it off to the poor at a -shilling a bushel under market price. -- I have received a -snivelling letter from Griffin, offering to make a public -submission and pay costs. I want none of his submissions, neither -will I pocket any of his money. The fellow is a bad neighbour, and -I desire, to have nothing to do with him: but as he is purse-proud, -he shall pay for his insolence: let him give five pounds -to the poor of the parish, and I will withdraw my action; and in -the mean time you may tell Prig to stop proceedings. -- Let -Morgan's widow have the Alderney cow, and forty shillings to -clothe her children: but don't say a syllable of the matter to -any living soul -- I'll make her pay when she is able. I desire -you will lock up all my drawers, and keep the keys till meeting; -and be sure you take the iron chest with my papers into your own -custody -- Forgive all, this trouble from, - -Dear Lewis, -Your affectionate -M. BRAMBLE -GLOUCESTER, April 2. - - -To Mrs GWYLLIM, house-keeper at Brambleton-hall. - -MRS GWILLIM, - -When this cums to hand, be sure to pack up in the trunk male -that stands in my closet; to be sent me in the Bristol waggon -without loss of time, the following articles, viz. my rose -collard neglejay with green robins, my yellow damask, and my -black velvets with the short hoop; my bloo quilted petticot, my -green mantel, my laced apron, my French commode, Macklin head and -lappets and the litel box with my jowls. Williams may bring over -my bum-daffee, and the viol with the easings of Dr Hill's -dockwater and Chowder's lacksitif. The poor creature has been -terribly stuprated ever since we left huom. Pray take particular -care of the house while the family is absent. Let there be a fire -constantly kept in my brother's chamber and mine. The maids, -having nothing to do, may be sat a spinning. I desire you'll clap -a pad-luck on the wind-seller, and let none of the men have excess to -the strong bear -- don't forget to have the gate shit every -evening be dark -- The gardnir and the hind may lie below in the -landry, to partake the house, with the blunderbuss and the great -dog; and hope you'll have a watchful eye over the maids. I know -that hussy Mary Jones, loves to be rumping with the men. Let me -know Alderney's calf be sould yet, and what he fought -- if the -ould goose be sitting; and if the cobler has cut Dicky, and how -pore anemil bore the operation. No more at present, but rests, - -Yours, -TABITHA BRAMBLE -GLOSTAR, April 2. - - -TO Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MOLLY, - -Heaving this importunity, I send, my love to you and Saul, being -in good health, and hoping to hear the same from you; and that -you and Saul will take my poor kitten to bed with you this cold -weather. We have been all in, a sad taking here at Glostar -- -Miss Liddy had like to have run away with a player-man, and young -master and he would adone themselves a mischief; but the, squire -applied to the mare, and they were, bound over. -- Mistress bid -me not speak a word of the matter to any Christian soul -- no -more I shall; for, we servints should see all and say nothing -- -But what was worse than all this, Chowder has, had the, -misfortune to be worried by a butcher's dog, and came home in a -terrible pickle -- Mistress was taken with the asterisks, but -they soon went off. The doctor was sent for to Chowder, and he -subscribed a repository which did him great service -- thank God -he's now in a fair way to do well -- pray take care of my box and -the pillyber and put them under your own bed; for, I do suppose -madam, Gwyllim will be a prying into my secrets, now my back is -turned. John Thomas is in good health, but sulky. The squire -gave away an ould coat to a poor man; and John says as, how 'tis -robbing him of his perquisites. -- I told him, by his agreement -he was to receive no vails; but he says as how there's a -difference betwixt vails and perquisites; and so there is for -sartain. We are all going to the Hot Well, where I shall drink -your health in a glass of water, being, - -Dear Molly, -Your humble servant to command, -W. JENKINS -GLOSTAR, April 2nd. - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -As I have nothing more at heart than to convince you I am -incapable of forgetting, or neglecting the friendship I made at -college, now begin that correspondence by letters, which you and -I agreed, at parting, to cultivate. I begin it sooner than I -intended, that you may have it in your power to refute any idle -reports which may be circulated to my prejudice at Oxford, -touching a foolish quarrel, in which I have been involved on -account of my sister, who had been some time settled here in a -boarding-school. When I came hither with my uncle and aunt (who -are our guardians) to fetch her away, I found her a fine tall -girl, of seventeen, with an agreeable person; but remarkably -simple, and quite ignorant of the world. This disposition, and -want of experience, had exposed her to the addresses of a person --- I know not what to call him, who had seen her at a play; and, -with a confidence and dexterity peculiar to himself, found means -to be recommended to her acquaintance. It was by the greatest -accident I intercepted one of his letters; as it was my duty to -stifle this correspondence in its birth, I made it my business to -find him out, and tell him very freely my sentiments of the -matter. The spark did not like the stile I used, and behaved with -abundance of mettle. Though his rank in life (which, by the bye, -I am ashamed to declare) did not entitle him to much deference; -yet as his behaviour was remarkably spirited, I admitted him to -the privilege of a gentleman, and something might have happened, -had not we been prevented. -- In short, the business took air, I -know not how, and made abundance of noise -- recourse was had to -justice -- I was obliged to give my word and honour, &c. and -to-morrow morning we set out for Bristol Wells, where I expect to -hear from you by the return of the post. -- I have got into a -family of originals, whom I may one day attempt to describe for -your amusement. My aunt, Mrs Tabitha Bramble, is a maiden of -forty-five, exceedingly starched, vain, and ridiculous. -- My -uncle is an odd kind of humorist, always on the fret, and so -unpleasant in his manner, that rather than be obliged to keep him -company, I'd resign all claim to the inheritance of his estate. -Indeed his being tortured by the gout may have soured his temper, -and, perhaps, I may like him better on further acquaintance; -certain it is, all his servants and neighbours in the country are -fond of him, even to a degree of enthusiasm, the reason of which -I cannot as yet comprehend. Remember me to Griffy Price, Gwyn, -Mansel, Basset, and all the rest of my old Cambrian companions. -- -Salute the bedmaker in my name -- give my service to the cook, -and pray take care of poor Ponto, for the sake of his old master, -who is, and ever will be, - -Dear Phillips, -Your affectionate friend, -and humble servant, -JER. MELFORD -GLOUCESTER, April 2. - - - -To Mrs JERMYN at her house in Gloucester. - -DEAR MADAM, - -Having no mother of my own, I hope you will give me leave to -disburden my poor heart to you, who have always acted the part of -a kind parent to me, ever since I was put under your care. -Indeed, and indeed, my worthy governess may believe me, when I -assure her, that I never harboured a thought that was otherwise -than virtuous; and, if God will give me grace, I shall never -behave so as to cast a reflection on the care you have taken in -my education. I confess I have given just cause of offence by my -want of prudence and experience. I ought not to have listened to -what the young man said; and it was my duty to have told you all -that passed, but I was ashamed to mention it; and then he behaved -so modest and respectful, and seemed to be so melancholy and -timorous, that I could not find in my heart to do any thing that -should make him miserable and desperate. As for familiarities, I -do declare, I never once allowed him the favour of a: salute; and -as to the few letters that passed between us, they are all in my -uncle's hands, and I hope they contain nothing contrary to -innocence and honour. -- I am still persuaded that he is not what -he appears to be: but time will discover -- mean while I will -endeavour to forget a connexion, which is so displeasing to my -family. I have cried without ceasing, and have not tasted any -thing but tea, since I was hurried away from you; nor did I once -close my eyes for three nights running. -- My aunt continues to -chide me severely when we are by ourselves; but I hope to soften -her in time, by humility and submission. -- My uncle, who was so -dreadfully passionate in the beginning, has been moved by my -tears and distress; and is now all tenderness and compassion; and -my brother is reconciled to me on my promise to break off all -correspondence with that unfortunate youth; but, notwithstanding -all their indulgence, I shall have no peace of mind till I know -my dear and ever honoured governess has forgiven her poor, -disconsolate, forlorn, - -Affectionate humble servant, -till death, -LYDIA MELFORD -CLIFTON, April 6. - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAREST LETTY, - -I am in such a fright, lest this should not come safe to hand by -the conveyance of Jarvis the carrier, that I beg you will write -me, on the receipt of it, directing to me, under cover, to Mrs -Winifred Jenkins, my aunt's maid, who is a good girl, and has -been so kind to me in my affliction, that I have made her my -confidant; as for Jarvis, he was very shy of taking charge of my -letter and the little parcel, because his sister Sally had like -to have lost her place on my account: indeed I cannot blame the -man for his caution; but I have made it worth his while. -- My -dear companion and bed-fellow, it is a grievous addition to my -other misfortunes, that I am deprived of your agreeable company -and conversation, at a time when I need so much the comfort of -your good humour and good sense; but, I hope, the friendship we -contracted at boarding-school, will last for life -- I doubt not -but on my side it will daily increase and improve, as I gain -experience, and learn to know the value of a true friend. O, my -dear Letty! what shall I say about poor Mr Wilson? I have -promised to break off all correspondence, and, if possible, to -forget him: but, alas! I begin to perceive that will not be in my -power. As it is by no means proper that the picture should remain -in my hands, lest it should be the occasion of more mischief, I -have sent it to you by this opportunity, begging you will either -keep it safe till better times, or return it to Mr Wilson -himself, who, I suppose, will make it his business to see you at -the usual place. If he should be low-spirited at my sending back -his picture, you may tell him I have no occasion for a picture, -while the original continues engraved on my -- But no; I would not -have you tell him that neither; because there must be an end of -our correspondence -- I wish he may forget me, for the sake of -his own peace; and yet if he should, he must be a barbarous -- -But it is impossible -- poor Wilson cannot be false and -inconstant: I beseech him not to write to me, nor attempt to see -me for some time; for, considering the resentment and passionate -temper of my brother Jery, such an attempt might be attended with -consequences which would make us all miserable for life -- let us -trust to time and the chapter of accidents; or rather to that -Providence which will not fail, sooner or later, to reward those -that walk in the paths of honour and virtue. I would offer my -love to the young ladies; but it is not fit that any of them -should know you have received this letter. -- If we go to Bath, I -shall send you my simple remarks upon that famous center of -polite amusement, and every other place we may chance to visit; -and I flatter myself that my dear Miss Willis will be punctual in -answering the letters of her affectionate, - -LYDIA MELFORD -CLIFTON, April 6. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -I have followed your directions with some success, and might have -been upon my legs by this time, had the weather permitted me to -use my saddle-horse. I rode out upon the Downs last Tuesday, in -the forenoon, when the sky, as far as the visible horizon, was -without a cloud; but before I had gone a full mile, I was -overtaken instantaneously by a storm of rain that wet me to the -skin in three minutes -- whence it came the devil knows; but it -has laid me up (I suppose) for one fortnight. It makes me sick to -hear people talk of the fine air upon Clifton-downs: How can the -air be either agreeable or salutary, where the demon of vapours -descends in a perpetual drizzle? My confinement is the more -intolerable, as I am surrounded with domestic vexations. My niece -has had a dangerous fit of illness, occasioned by that cursed -incident at Gloucester, which I mentioned in my last. -- She is a -poor good-natured simpleton, as soft as butter, and as easily -melted -- not that she's a -fool -- the girl's parts are not despicable, and her education -has not been neglected; that is to say, she can write and spell, -and speak French, and play upon the harpsichord; then she dances -finely, has a good figure, and is very well inclined; but, she's -deficient in spirit, and so susceptible -- and so tender -forsooth! -- truly, she has got a languishing eye, and reads -romances. -- Then there's her brother, 'squire Jery, a pert -jackanapes, full of college-petulance and self-conceit; proud as -a German count, and as hot and hasty as a Welch mountaineer. As -for that fantastical animal, my sister Tabby, you are no stranger -to her qualifications -- I vow to God, she is sometimes so -intolerable, that I almost think she's the devil incarnate come -to torment me for my sins; and yet I am conscious of no sins that -ought to entail such family-plagues upon me -- why the devil -should not I shake off these torments at once? I an't married to -Tabby, thank Heaven! nor did I beget the other two: let them -choose another guardian: for my part I an't in a condition to -take care of myself; much less to superintend the conduct of -giddy-headed boys and girls. You earnestly desire to know the -particulars of our adventure at Gloucester, which are briefly -these, and I hope they will go no further: -- Liddy had been so -long copped up in a boarding-school, which, next to a nunnery, is -the worst kind of seminary that ever was contrived for young -women, that she became as inflammable as touch-wood; and going to -a play in holiday-time, --'sdeath, I'm ashamed to tell you! she -fell in love with one of the actors -- a handsome young fellow -that goes by the name of Wilson. The rascal soon perceived the -impression he had made, and managed matters so as to see her at a -house where she went to drink tea with her governess. -- This was -the beginning of a correspondence, which they kept up by means of -a jade of a milliner, who made and dressed caps for the girls at -the boarding-school. When we arrived at Gloucester, Liddy came to -stay at lodgings with her aunt, and Wilson bribed the maid to -deliver a letter into her own hands; but it seems Jery had -already acquired so much credit with the maid (by what means he -best knows) that she carried the letter to him, and so the whole -plot was discovered. The rash boy, without saying a word of the -matter to me, went immediately in search of Wilson; and, I -suppose, treated him with insolence enough. The theatrical hero -was too far gone in romance to brook such usage: he replied in -blank verse, and a formal challenge ensued. They agreed to meet -early next morning and decide the dispute with sword and pistol. -I heard nothing at all of the affair, till Mr Morley came to my -bed-side in the morning, and told me he was afraid my nephew was -going to fight, as he had been overheard talking very loud and -vehement with Wilson at the young man's lodgings the night -before, and afterwards went and bought powder and ball at a shop -in the neighbourhood. I got up immediately, and upon inquiry -found he was just going out. I begged Morley to knock up the -mayor, that he might interpose as a magistrate, and in the mean -time I hobbled after the squire, whom I saw at a distance walking -at a great pace towards the city gate -- in spite of all my -efforts, I could not come up till our two combatants had taken -their ground, and were priming their pistols. An old house -luckily screened me from their view; so that I rushed upon them -at once, before I was perceived. They were both confounded, and -attempted to make their escape different ways; but Morley coming -up with constables, at that instant, took Wilson into custody, -and Jery followed him quietly to the mayor's house. All this time -I was ignorant of what had passed the preceding day; and neither -of the parties would discover a tittle of the matter. The mayor -observed that it was great presumption in Wilson, who was a -stroller, to proceed to such extremities with a gentleman of -family and fortune; and threatened to commit him on the vagrant -act. -- The young fellow bustled up with great spirit, declaring -he was a gentleman, and would be treated as such; but he refused -to explain himself further. The master of the company being sent -for, and examined, touching the said Wilson, said the young man -had engaged with him at Birmingham about six months ago; but -never would take his salary; that he had behaved so well in his -private character, as to acquire the respect and good-will of all -his acquaintance, and that the public owned his merit as an actor -was altogether extraordinary. -- After all, I fancy, he will turn -out to be a run-away prentice from London. -- The manager offered -to bail him for any sum, provided he would give his word and -honour that he would keep the peace; but the young gentleman was -on his high ropes, and would by no means lay himself under any -restrictions: on the other hand, Hopeful was equally -obstinate; till at length the mayor declared, that if they both -refused to be bound over, he would immediately commit Wilson as a -vagrant to hard labour. I own I was much pleased with Jery's -behaviour on this occasion: he said, that rather than Mr Wilson -should be treated in such an ignominious manner, he would give -his word and honour to prosecute the affair no further while they -remained at Gloucester -- Wilson thanked him for his generous -manner of proceeding, and was discharged. On our return to our -lodgings, my nephew explained the whole mystery; and I own I was -exceedingly incensed -- Liddy being questioned on the subject, -and very severely reproached by that wildcat my sister Tabby, -first swooned away, then dissolving in a flood of tears, -confessed all the particulars of the correspondence, at the same -time giving up three letters, which was all she had received from -her admirer. The last, which Jery intercepted, I send you -inclosed, and when you have read it, I dare say you won't wonder -at the progress the writer had made in the heart of a simple -girl, utterly unacquainted with the characters of mankind. -Thinking it was high time to remove her from such a dangerous -connexion, I carried her off the very next day to Bristol; but -the poor creature was so frightened and fluttered, by our threats -and expostulations, that she fell sick the fourth day after our -arrival at Clifton, and continued so ill for a whole week, that -her life was despaired of. It was not till yesterday that Dr -Rigge declared her out of danger. You cannot imagine what I have -suffered, partly from the indiscretion of this poor child, but -much more from the fear of losing her entirely. This air is -intolerably cold, and the place quite solitary -- I never go down -to the Well without returning low-spirited; for there I meet with -half a dozen poor emaciated creatures, with ghostly looks, in the -last stage of a consumption, who have made shift to linger -through the winter like so many exotic plants languishing in a -hot-house; but in all appearance, will drop into their graves -before the sun has warmth enough to mitigate the rigour of this -ungenial spring. -- If you think the Bath-water will be of any -service to me, I will go thither so soon as my niece can bear the -motion of the coach. Tell Barns I am obliged to him for his -advice; but don't choose to follow it. If Davis voluntarily -offers to give up the farm, the other shall have it; but I will -not begin at this time of day to distress my tenants, because -they are unfortunate, and cannot make regular payments: I wonder -that Barns should think me capable of such oppression -- As for -Higgins, the fellow is a notorious poacher, to be sure; and an -impudent rascal to set his snares in my own paddock; but, I -suppose, he thought he had some right (especially in my absence) -to partake of what nature seems to have intended for common use -- -you may threaten him in my name, as much as you please, and if he -repeats the offence, let me know it before you have recourse to -justice. -- I know you are a great sportsman, and oblige many of -your friends: I need not tell you to make use of my grounds; but -it may be necessary to hint, that I am more afraid of my fowling-piece -than of my game. When you can spare two or three brace of -partridges, send them over by the stagecoach, and tell Gwyllim -that she forgot to pack up my flannel and wide shoes in the -trunk-mail -- I shall trouble you as usual, from time to time, -till at last I suppose you will be tired of corresponding with - -Your assured friend, -M. BRAMBLE -CLIFTON, April 17. - - - -To Miss LYDIA MELFORD. - -Miss Willis has pronounced my doom -- you are going away, dear -Miss Melford! -- you are going to be removed, I know not whither! -what shall I do? which way shall I turn for consolation? I know -not what I say -- all night long have I been tossed in a sea of -doubts and fears, uncertainty and distraction, without being able -to connect my thoughts, much less to form any consistent plan of -conduct -- I was even tempted to wish that I had never seen you; -or that you had been less amiable, or less compassionate to your -poor Wilson; and yet it would be detestable ingratitude in me to -form such a wish, considering how much I am indebted to your -goodness, and the ineffable pleasure I have derived from your -indulgence and approbation -- Good God! I never heard your name -mentioned without emotion! the most distant prospect of being -admitted to your company, filled my whole soul with a kind of -pleasing alarm! as the time approached, my heart beat with -redoubled force, and every nerve thrilled with a transport of -expectation; but, when I found myself actually in your presence; --- when I heard you speak; -- when I saw you smile; when I beheld -your charming eyes turned favourably upon me; my breast was filled -with such tumults of delight, as wholly deprived me of the power -of utterance, and wrapt me in a delirium of joy! -- encouraged by -your sweetness of temper and affability, I ventured to describe -the feelings of my heart -- even then you did not check my -presumption -- you pitied my sufferings and gave me leave to hope -you put a favourable -- perhaps too favourable a construction, on -my appearance -- certain it is, I am no player in love -- I speak -the language of my own heart; and have no prompter but nature. -Yet there is something in this heart, which I have not yet -disclosed. -- I flattered myself -- But, I will not -- I must not -proceed. Dear Miss Liddy! for Heaven's sake, contrive, if -possible, some means of letting me speak to you before you leave -Gloucester; otherwise, I know not what will -- But I begin to -rave again. -- I will endeavour to bear this trial with fortitude --- while I am capable of reflecting upon your tenderness and -truth, I surely have no cause to despair -- a cloud hangs over -me, and there is a dreadful weight upon my spirits! While you -stay in this place, I shall continually hover about your -lodgings, as the parted soul is said to linger about the grave -where its mortal comfort lies. -- I know, if it is in your power, -you will task your humanity -- your compassion -- shall I add, -your affection? -- in order to assuage the almost intolerable -disquiet that torments the heart of your afflicted, - -WILSON -GLOUCESTER, March 31. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -HOT WELL, April 18. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -I give Mansel credit for his invention, in propagating the report -that I had a quarrel with a mountebank's merry Andrew at -Gloucester: but I have too much respect for every appendage of -wit, to quarrel even with the lowest buffoonery; and therefore I -hope Mansel and I shall always be good friends. I cannot, -however, approve of his drowning my poor dog Ponto, on purpose to -convert Ovid's pleonasm into a punning epitaph, -- deerant quoque -Littora Ponto: for, that he threw him into the Isis, when it was -so high and impetuous, with no other view than to kill the fleas, -is an excuse that will not hold water -- But I leave poor Ponto -to his fate, and hope Providence will take care to accommodate -Mansel with a drier death. - -As there is nothing that can be called company at the Well, I am -here in a state of absolute rustication: This, however, gives me -leisure to observe the singularities in my uncle's character, -which seems to have interested your curiosity. The truth is, his -disposition and mine, which, like oil and vinegar, repelled one -another at first, have now begun to mix by dint of being beat up -together. I was once apt to believe him a complete Cynic; and -that nothing but the necessity of his occasions could compel him -to get within the pale of society -- I am now of another opinion. -I think his peevishness arises partly from bodily pain, and -partly from a natural excess of mental sensibility; for, I -suppose, the mind as well as the body, is in some cases endued -with a morbid excess of sensation. - -I was t'other day much diverted with a conversation that passed -in the Pump-room, betwixt him and the famous Dr L--n, who is come -to ply at the Well for patients. My uncle was complaining of the -stink, occasioned by the vast quantity of mud and slime which the -river leaves at low ebb under the windows of the Pumproom. He -observed, that the exhalations arising from such a nuisance, -could not but be prejudicial to the weak lungs of many -consumptive patients, who came to drink the water. The Doctor -overhearing this remark, made up to him, and assured him he was -mistaken. He said, people in general were so misled by vulgar -prejudices that philosophy was hardly sufficient to undeceive -them. Then humming thrice, he assumed a most ridiculous solemnity -of aspect, and entered into a learned investigation of the nature -of stink. He observed, that stink, or stench, meant no more than -a strong impression on the olfactory nerves; and might be applied -to substances of the most opposite qualities; that in the Dutch -language, stinken signifies the most agreeable perfume, as well -as the most fetid odour, as appears in Van Vloudel's translation -of Horace, in that beautiful ode, Quis multa gracilis, &c. -- The -words fiquidis perfusus odoribus, he translates van civet & -moschata gestinken: that individuals differed toto coelo in their -opinion of smells, which, indeed, was altogether as arbitrary as -the opinion of beauty; that the French were pleased with the -putrid effluvia of animal food; and so were the Hottentots in -Africa, and the Savages in Greenland; and that the Negroes on the -coast of Senegal would not touch fish till it was rotten; strong -presumptions in favour of what is generally called stink, as -those nations are in a state of nature, undebauched by luxury, -unseduced by whim and caprice: that he had reason to believe the -stercoraceous flavour, condemned by prejudice as a stink, was, in -fact, most agreeable to the organs of smelling; for, that every -person who pretended to nauseate the smell of another's -excretions, snuffed up his own with particular complacency; for -the truth of which he appealed to all the ladies and gentlemen -then present: he said, the inhabitants of Madrid and Edinburgh -found particular satisfaction in breathing their own atmosphere, -which was always impregnated with stercoraceous effluvia: that -the learned Dr B--, in his treatise on the Four Digestions, -explains in what manner the volatile effluvia from the intestines -stimulate and promote the operations of the animal economy: he -affirmed, the last Grand Duke of Tuscany, of the Medicis family, -who refined upon sensuality with the spirit of a philosopher, was -so delighted with that odour, that he caused the essence of -ordure to be extracted, and used it as the most delicious -perfume: that he himself (the doctor) when he happened to be low-spirited, -or fatigued with business, found immediate relief and -uncommon satisfaction from hanging over the stale contents of a -close-stool, while his servant stirred it about under his nose; -nor was this effect to be wondered at, when we consider that this -substance abounds with the self-same volatile salts that are so -greedily smelled to by the most delicate invalids, after they -have been extracted and sublimed by the chemists. -- By this time -the company began to hold their noses; but the doctor, without -taking the least notice of this signal, proceeded to shew, that -many fetid substances were not only agreeable but salutary; such -as assa foetida, and other medicinal gums, resins, roots, and -vegetables, over and above burnt feathers, tan-pits, candle-snuffs, -&c. In short, he used many learned arguments to persuade -his audience out of their senses; and from stench made a -transition to filth, which he affirmed was also a mistaken idea, -in as much as objects so called, were no other than certain -modifications of matter, consisting of the same principles that -enter into the composition of all created essences, whatever they -may be: that in the filthiest production of nature, a philosopher -considered nothing but the earth, water, salt and air, of which -it was compounded; that, for his own part, he had no more -objections to drinking the dirtiest ditch-water, than he had to a -glass of water from the Hot Well, provided he was assured there -was nothing poisonous in the concrete. Then addressing himself to -my uncle, 'Sir (said he) you seem to be of a dropsical habit, and -probably will soon have a confirmed ascites: if I should be -present when you are tapped, I will give you a convincing proof -of what I assert, by drinking without hesitation the water that -comes out of your abdomen.' -- The ladies made wry faces at this -declaration, and my uncle, changing colour, told him he did not -desire any such proof of his philosophy: 'But I should he glad to -know (said he) what makes you think I am of a dropsical habit?' -'Sir, I beg pardon (replied the Doctor) I perceive your ancles -are swelled, and you seem to have the facies leucophlegmatica. -Perhaps, indeed, your disorder may be oedematous, or gouty, or it -may be the lues venerea: If you have any reason to flatter -yourself it is this last, sir, I will undertake to cure you with -three small pills, even if the disease should have attained its -utmost inveteracy. Sir, it is an arcanum, which I have -discovered, and prepared with infinite labour. -- Sir, I have -lately cured a woman in Bristol -- a common prostitute, sir, who -had got all the worst symptoms of the disorder; such as nodi, -tophi, and gummata, verruca, cristoe Galli, and a serpiginous -eruption, or rather a pocky itch all over her body. By the time -she had taken the second pill, sir, by Heaven! she was as smooth -as my hand, and the third made her sound and as fresh as a new -born infant.' 'Sir (cried my uncle peevishly) I have no reason to -flatter myself that my disorder comes within the efficacy of your -nostrum. But this patient you talk of may not be so sound at -bottom as you imagine.' 'I can't possibly be mistaken (rejoined -the philosopher) for I have had communication with her three -times -- I always ascertain my cures in that manner.' At this -remark, all the ladies retired to another corner of the room, and -some of them began to spit. -- As to my uncle, though he was -ruffled at first by the doctor's saying he was dropsical, he -could not help smiling at this ridiculous confession and, I -suppose, with a view to punish this original, told him there was -a wart upon his nose, that looked a little suspicious. 'I don't -pretend to be a judge of those matters (said he) but I understand -that warts are often produced by the distemper; and that one upon -your nose seems to have taken possession of the very keystone of -the bridge, which I hope is in no danger of falling.' L--n seemed -a little confounded at this remark, and assured him it was -nothing but a common excrescence of the cuticula, but that the -bones were all sound below; for the truth of this assertion he -appealed to the touch, desiring he would feel the part. My uncle -said it was a matter of such delicacy to meddle with a -gentleman's nose, that he declined the office -- upon which, the -Doctor turning to me, intreated me to do him that favour. I -complied with his request, and handled it so roughly, that he -sneezed, and the tears ran down his cheeks, to the no small -entertainment of the company, and particularly of my uncle, who -burst out a-laughing for the first time since I have been with -him; and took notice, that the part seemed to be very tender. -'Sir (cried the Doctor) it is naturally a tender part; but to -remove all possibility of doubt, I will take off the wart this -very night.' - -So saying, he bowed, with great solemnity all round, and retired -to his own lodgings, where he applied a caustic to the wart; but -it spread in such a manner as to produce a considerable -inflammation, attended with an enormous swelling; so that when he -next appeared, his whole face was overshadowed by this tremendous -nozzle; and the rueful eagerness with which he explained this -unlucky accident, was ludicrous beyond all description. -- I was -much pleased with meeting the original of a character, which you -and I have often laughed at in description; and what surprises me -very much, I find the features in the picture, which has been -drawn for him, rather softened than over-charged. - -As I have something else to say; and this letter has run to an -unconscionable length, I shall now give you a little respite, and -trouble you again by the very first post. I wish you would take -it in your head to retaliate these double strokes upon - -Yours always, -J. MELFORD - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -HOT WELL, April 20. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -I now sit down to execute the threat in the tail of my last. The -truth is, I am big with the secret, and long to be delivered. It -relates to my guardian, who, you know, is at present our -principal object in view. - -T'other day, I thought I had detected him in such a state of -frailty, as would but ill become his years and character. There -is a decent sort of woman, not disagreeable in her person, that -comes to the Well, with a poor emaciated child, far gone in a -consumption. I had caught my uncle's eyes several times directed -to this person, with a very suspicious expression in them, and -every time he saw himself observed, he hastily withdrew them, -with evident marks of confusion -- I resolved to watch him more -narrowly, and saw him speaking to her privately in a corner of -the walk. At length, going down to the Well one day, I met her -half way up the hill to Clifton, and could not help suspecting -she was going to our lodgings by appointment, as it was about one -o'clock, the hour when my sister and I are generally at the Pump-room. --- This notion exciting my curiosity, I returned by a back-way, -and got unperceived into my own chamber, which is contiguous -to my uncle's apartment. Sure enough, the woman was introduced -but not into his bedchamber; he gave her audience in a parlour; -so that I was obliged to shift my station to another room, where, -however, there was a small chink in the partition, through which -I could perceive what passed. My uncle, though a little lame, -rose up when she came in, and setting a chair for her, desired -she would sit down: then he asked if she would take a dish of -chocolate, which she declined, with much acknowledgment. After a -short pause, he said, in a croaking tone of voice, which -confounded me not a little, 'Madam, I am truly concerned for your -misfortunes; and if this trifle can be of any service to you, I -beg you will accept it without ceremony.' So saying, he put a bit -of paper into her hand, which she opening with great trepidation, -exclaimed in an extacy, 'Twenty pounds! Oh, sir!' and sinking -down upon a settee, fainted away -- Frightened at this fit, and, -I suppose, afraid of calling for assistance, lest her situation -should give rise to unfavourable conjectures, he ran about the -room in distraction, making frightful grimaces; and, at length, -had recollection enough to throw a little water in her face; by -which application she was brought to herself: but, then her -feeling took another turn. She shed a flood of tears, and cried -aloud, 'I know not who you are: but, sure -- worthy sir -- -generous sir! -- the distress of me and my poor dying child -- -Oh! if the widow's prayers -- if the orphan's tears of gratitude -can ought avail -- gracious Providence -- Blessings! -- shower -down eternal blessings.' -- Here she was interrupted by my uncle, -who muttered in a voice still more and more discordant, 'For -Heaven's sake be quiet, madam -- consider -- the people of the -house --'sdeath! can't you.' -- All this time she was struggling -to throw herself on her knees, while he seizing her by the -wrists, endeavoured to seat her upon the settee, saying, 'Prithee --- good now -- hold your tongue' -- At that instant, who should -burst into -- the room but our aunt Tabby! of all antiquated -maidens the most diabolically capricious -- Ever prying into -other people's affairs, she had seen the woman enter, and -followed her to the door, where she stood listening, but probably -could hear nothing distinctly, except my uncle's, last -exclamation; at which she bounded into the parlour in a violent -rage, that dyed the tip of her nose of a purple hue, -- 'Fy upon -you, Matt! (cried she) what doings are these, to disgrace your -own character, and disparage your family?' -- Then, snatching the -bank note out of the stranger's hand, she went on -- 'How now, -twenty pounds! -- here is temptation with a witness! -- Good-woman, -go about your business -- Brother, brother, I know not which most -to admire; your concupissins, or your extravagance!' -- 'Good God -(exclaimed the poor woman) shall a worthy gentleman's character -suffer for an action that does honour to humanity?' By this time, -uncle's indignation was effectually roused. His face grew pale, -his teeth chattered, and his eyes flashed -- 'Sister (cried he, in -a voice like thunder) I vow to God, your impertinence is -exceedingly provoking.' With these words, he took her by the -hand, and, opening the door of communication, thrust her into the -chamber where I stood, so affected by the scene, that the tears -ran down my cheeks. Observing these marks of emotion, 'I don't -wonder (said she) to see you concerned at the back-slidings of so -near a relation; a man of his years and infirmities: These are -fine doings, truly -- This is a rare example, set by a guardian, -for the benefit of his pupils -- Monstrous! incongruous! -sophistical!' -- I thought it was but an act of justice to set her -to rights; and therefore explained the mystery. But she would not -be undeceived, 'What (said she) would you go for to offer for to -arguefy me out of my senses? Did'n't I hear him whispering to her -to hold her tongue? Did'n't I see her in tears? Did'n't I see him -struggling to throw her upon the couch? 0 filthy! hideous! -abominable! Child, child, talk not to me of charity. -- Who gives -twenty pounds in charity? -- But you are a stripling -- You know -nothing of the world. Besides, charity begins at home -- Twenty -pounds would buy me a complete suit of flowered silk, trimmings -and all --' In short, I quitted the room, my contempt for her, and -my respect for her brother, being increased in the same -proportion. I have since been informed, that the person, whom my -uncle so generously relieved, is the widow of an ensign, who has -nothing to depend upon but the pension of fifteen pounds a year. -The people of the Well-house give her an excellent character. She -lodges in a garret, and works very hard at plain work, to support -her daughter, who is dying of a consumption. I must own, to my -shame, I feel a strong inclination to follow my uncle's example, -in relieving this poor widow; but, betwixt friends, I am afraid -of being detected in a weakness, that might entail the ridicule -of the company, upon, - -Dear Phillips, -Yours always, -J. MELFORD - -Direct your next to me at Bath; and remember me to all our -fellow-jesuits. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -H0T WELL, April 20. - -I understand your hint. There are mysteries in physic, as well as -in religion; which we of the profane have no right to investigate --- A man must not presume to use his reason, unless he has -studied the categories, and can chop logic by mode and figure -- -Between friends, I think every man of tolerable parts ought, at -my time of day, to be both physician and lawyer, as far as his -own constitution and property are concerned. For my own part, I -have had an hospital these fourteen years within myself, and -studied my own case with the most painful attention; consequently -may be supposed to know something of the matter, although I have -not taken regular courses of physiology et cetera et cetera. -- -In short, I have for some time been of opinion (no offence, dear -Doctor) that the sum of all your medical discoveries amounts to -this, that the more you study the less you know. -- I have read -all that has been written on the Hot Wells, and what I can -collect from the whole, is, that the water contains nothing but a -little salt, and calcarious earth, mixed in such inconsiderable -proportion, as can have very little, if any, effect on the animal -economy. This being the case, I think the man deserves to be -fitted with a cap and bells, who for such a paultry advantage as -this spring affords, sacrifices his precious time, which might be -employed in taking more effectual remedies, and exposes himself -to the dirt, the stench, the chilling blasts, and perpetual -rains, that render this place to me intolerable. If these waters, -from a small degree of astringency, are of some service in the -diabetes, diarrhoea, and night sweats, when the secretions are -too much increased, must not they do harm in the same proportion, -where the humours are obstructed, as in the asthma, scurvy, gout -and dropsy? -- Now we talk of the dropsy, here is a strange -fantastical oddity, one of your brethren, who harangues every day -in the Pump-room, as if he was hired to give lectures on all -subjects whatsoever -- I know not what to make of him -- -Sometimes he makes shrewd remarks; at other times he talks like -the greatest simpleton in nature -- He has read a great deal; but -without method or judgment, and digested nothing. He believes -every thing he has read; especially if it has any thing of the -marvellous in it and his conversation is a surprizing hotch-potch -of erudition and extravagance. He told me t'other day, with great -confidence, that my case was dropsical; or, as he called it, -leucophlegmatic: A sure sign, that his want of experience is -equal to his presumption -- for, you know, there is nothing -analogous to the dropsy in my disorder -- I wish those -impertinent fellows, with their ricketty understandings, would -keep their advice for those that ask it. Dropsy, indeed! Sure I -have not lived to the age of fifty-five, and had such experience -of my own disorder, and consulted you and other eminent -physicians, so often, and so long, to be undeceived by such a -- -But, without all doubt, the man is mad; and, therefore, what he -says is of no consequence. I had, yesterday, a visit from -Higgins, who came hither under the terror of your threats, and -brought me in a present a brace of hares, which he owned he took -in my ground; and I could not persuade the fellow that he did -wrong, or that I would ever prosecute him for poaching -- I must -desire you will wink hard at the practices of this rascallion, -otherwise I shall be plagued with his presents, which cost me -more than they are worth. -- If I could wonder at any thing -Fitzowen does, I should be surprized at his assurance in desiring -you to solicit my vote for him at the next election for the -county: for him, who opposed me, on the like occasion, with the -most illiberal competition. You may tell him civilly, that I beg -to be excused. Direct your next for me at Bath, whither I propose -to remove to-morrow; not only on my own account, but for the sake -of my niece, Liddy, who is like to relapse. The poor creature -fell into a fit yesterday, while I was cheapening a pair of -spectacles, with a Jew-pedlar. I am afraid there is something -still lurking in that little heart of hers, which I hope a change -of objects will remove. Let me know what you think of this half-witted -Doctor's impertinent, ridiculous, and absurd notion of my -disorder -- So far from being dropsical, I am as lank in the -belly as a grey-hound; and, by measuring my ancle with a pack-thread, -I find the swelling subsides every day. From such doctors, -good Lord deliver us! -- I have not yet taken any lodgings in -Bath; because there we can be accommodated at a minute's warning, -and I shall choose for myself -- I need not say your directions -for drinking and bathing will be agreeable to, - -Dear Lewis, -Yours ever, -MAT. BRAMBLE - -P.S. I forgot to tell you, that my right ancle pits, a symptom, -as I take it, of its being oedematous, not leucophlegmatic. - - - -To Miss LETTY WILLIS, at Gloucester - -HOT WELL, April 21. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -I did not intend to trouble you again, till we should be settled -at Bath; but having the occasion of Jarvis, I could not let it -slip, especially as I have something extraordinary to communicate. -O, my dear companion! What shall I tell you? for several days -past there was a Jew-looking man, that plied at the Wells with a -box of spectacles; and he always eyed me so earnestly, that I -began to be very uneasy. At last, he came to our lodgings at -Clifton, and lingered about the door, as if he wanted to speak to -somebody -- I was seized with an odd kind of fluttering, and -begged Win to throw herself in his way: but the poor girl has -weak nerves, and was afraid of his beard. My uncle, having -occasion for new glasses, called him up stairs, and was trying a -pair of spectacles, when the man, advancing to me, said in a -whisper -- O gracious! what d'ye think he said? -- 'I am Wilson!' -His features struck me that very moment it was Wilson, sure -enough! but so disguised, that it would have been impossible to -know him, if my heart had not assisted in the discovery. I was so -surprised, and so frightened that I fainted away, but soon -recovered; and found myself supported by him on the chair, while -my uncle was running about the room, with the spectacles on his -nose, calling for help. I had no opportunity to speak to him; but -looks were sufficiently expressive. He was payed for his glasses, -and went away. Then I told Win who he was, and sent her after him -to the Pump-room; where she spoke to him, and begged him in my -name to withdraw from the place, that he might not incur the -suspicion of my uncle or my brother, if he did not want to see me -die of terror and vexation. The poor youth declared, with tears -in his eyes, that he had something extraordinary to communicate; -and asked, if she would deliver a letter to me: but this she -absolutely refused, by my order. -- Finding her obstinate in her -refusal, he desired she would tell me that he was no longer a -player, but a gentleman; in which character he would very soon -avow his passion for me, without fear of censure or reproach -- -Nay, he even discovered his name and family, which, to my great -grief, the simple girl forgot, in the confusion occasioned by her -being seen talking to him by my brother, who stopt her on the -road, and asked what business she had with that rascally Jew. She -pretended she was cheapening a stay-hook, but was thrown into -such a quandary, that she forgot the most material part of the -information; and when she came home, went into an hysteric fit of -laughing. This transaction happened three days ago, during which -he has not appeared, so that I suppose he has gone. Dear Letty! -you see how Fortune takes pleasure in persecuting your poor -friend. If you should see him at Gloucester -- or if you have -seen him, and know his real name and family, pray keep me no -longer in suspence -- And yet, if he is under no obligation to -keep himself longer concealed, and has a real affection for me, I -should hope he will, in a little time, declare himself to my -relations. Sure, if there is nothing unsuitable in the match, -they won't be so cruel as to thwart my inclinations -- O what -happiness would then be my portion! I can't help indulging the -thought, and pleasing my fancy with such agreeable ideas; which -after all, perhaps, will never be realized -- But, why should I -despair? who knows what will happen? -- We set out for Bath to-morrow, -and I am almost sorry for it; as I begin to be in love -with solitude, and this is a charming romantic place. The air is -so pure; the Downs are so agreeable; the furz in full blossom; -the ground enamelled with daisies, and primroses, and cowslips; -all the trees bursting into leaves, and the hedges already -clothed with their vernal livery; the mountains covered with -flocks of sheep and tender bleating wanton lambkins playing, -frisking, and skipping from side to side; the groves resound with -the notes of blackbird, thrush, and linnet; and all night long -sweet Philomel pours forth her ravishingly delightful song. Then, -for variety, we go down to the nymph of Bristol spring, where the -company is assembled before dinner; so good natured, so free, so -easy; and there we drink the water so clear, so pure, so mild, so -charmingly maukish. There the fun is so chearful and reviving; -the weather so soft; the walk so agreeable; the prospect so -amusing; and the ships and boats going up and down the river, -close under the windows of the Pump-room, afford such an -enchanting variety of Moving Pictures, as require a much abler -pen than mine to describe. To make this place a perfect paradise -to me, nothing is wanting but an agreeable companion and sincere -friend; such as my -dear miss Willis hath been, and I hope still will be, to her ever -faithful. - -LYDIA MELFORD - -Direct for me, still under cover, to Win; and Jarvis will take -care to convey it safe. Adieu. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -BATH, April 24. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -You have, indeed, reason to be surprised, that I should have -concealed my correspondence with miss Blackerby from you, to whom -I disclosed all my other connexions of that nature; but the truth -is, I never dreamed of any such commerce, till your last informed -me, that it had produced something which could not be much longer -concealed. It is a lucky circumstance, however, that her -reputation will not suffer any detriment, but rather derive -advantage from the discovery; which will prove, at least, that it -is not quite so rotten as most people imagined -- For my own -part, I declare to you, in all the sincerity of friendship, that, -far from having any amorous intercourse with the object in -question, I never had the least acquaintance with her person; -but, if she is really in the condition you describe, I suspect -Mansel to be at the bottom of the whole. His visits to that -shrine were no secret; and this attachment, added to some good -offices, which you know he has done me, since I left Alma-mater, -give me a right to believe him capable of saddling me with this -scandal, when my back was turned -- Nevertheless, if my name can -be of any service to him, he is welcome to make use of it; and if -the woman should be abandoned enough to swear his banding to me, -I must beg the favour of you to compound with the parish: I shall -pay the penalty without repining; and you will be so good as to -draw upon me immediately for the sum required -- On this -occasion, I act by the advice of my uncle; who says I shall have -good-luck if I pass through life without being obliged to make -many more compositions of the same kind. The old gentleman told -me last night, with great good-humour, that betwixt the age of -twenty and forty, he had been obliged to provide for nine -bastards, sworn to him by women whom he never saw -- Mr Bramble's -character, which seems to interest you greatly, opens and -improves upon me every day. His singularities afford a rich mine -of entertainment; his understanding, so far as I can judge, is -well cultivated; his observations on life are equally just, -pertinent, and uncommon. He affects misanthropy, in order to -conceal the sensibility of a heart, which is tender, even to a -degree of weakness. This delicacy of feeling, or soreness of the -mind, makes him timorous and fearful; but then he is afraid of -nothing so much as of dishonour; and although he is exceedingly -cautious of giving offence, he will fire at the least hint of -insolence or ill-breeding. -- Respectable as he is, upon the -whole, I can't help being sometimes diverted by his little -distresses; which provoke him to let fly the shafts of his -satire, keen and penetrating as the arrows of Teucer -- Our aunt, -Tabitha, acts upon him as a perpetual grind-stone -- She is, in -all respects, a striking contrast to her brother -- But I reserve -her portrait for another occasion. - -Three days ago we came hither from the Hot Well, and took -possession of the first floor of a lodging-house, on the South -Parade; a situation which my uncle chose, for its being near the -Bath, and remote from the noise of carriages. He was scarce warm -in the lodgings when he called for his night-cap, his wide shoes, -and flannel; and declared himself invested with the gout in his -right foot; though, I believe it had as yet reached no farther -than his imagination. It was not long before he had reason to -repent his premature declaration; for our aunt Tabitha found -means to make such a clamour and confusion, before the flannels -could be produced from the trunk, that one would have imagined -the house was on fire. All this time, uncle sat boiling with -impatience, biting his fingers, throwing up his eyes, and -muttering ejaculations; at length he burst into a kind of -convulsive laugh, after which he hummed a song; and when the -hurricane was over, exclaimed 'Blessed be God for all things!' -This, however, was but the beginning of his troubles. Mrs -Tabitha's favourite dog Chowder, having paid his compliments to a -female turnspit of his own species, in the kitchen, involved -himself in a quarrel with no fewer than five rivals, who set upon -him at once, and drove him up stairs to the dining room door, -with hideous noise: there our aunt and her woman, taking arms in -his defence, joined the concert; which became truly diabolical. -This fray being with difficulty suppressed, by the intervention -of our own footman and the cook-maid of the house, the squire had -just opened his mouth, to expostulate with Tabby, when the town-waits, -in the passage below, struck up their music (if music it -may be called) with such a sudden burst of sound, as made him -start and stare, with marks of indignation and disquiet. He had -recollection enough to send his servant with some money to -silence those noisy intruders; and they were immediately -dismissed, though not without some opposition on the part of -Tabitha, who thought it but reasonable that he should have more -music for his money. Scarce had he settled this knotty point, -when a strange kind of thumping and bouncing was heard right -over-head, in the second story, so loud and violent, as to shake -the whole building. I own I was exceedingly provoked at this new -alarm; and before my uncle had time to express himself on the -subject, I ran up stairs, to see what was the matter. Finding the -room-door open, I entered without ceremony, and perceived an -object, which I can not now recollect without laughing to excess --- It was a dancing master, with his scholar, in the act of -teaching. The master was blind of one eye, and lame of one foot, -and led about the room his pupil; who seemed to be about the age -of threescore, stooped mortally, was tall, raw-boned, hard-favoured, -with a woollen night-cap on his head; and he had stript -off his coat, that he might be more nimble in his motions -- -Finding himself intruded upon, by a person he did not know, he -forthwith girded himself with a long iron sword, and advancing to -me, with a peremptory air, pronounced, in a true Hibernian -accent, 'Mister What d'ye callum, by my saoul and conscience, I -am very glad to sea you, if you are after coming in the way of -friendship; and indeed, and indeed now, I believe you are my -friend sure enough, gra; though I never had the honour to sea -your face before, my dear; for becaase you come like a friend, -without any ceremony at all, at all' -- I told him the nature of -my visit would not admit of ceremony; that I was come to desire -he would make less noise, as there was a sick gentleman below, -whom he had no right to disturb with such preposterous doings. -'Why, look-ye now, young gentleman (replied this original) -perhaps, upon another occasion, I might shivilly request you to -explain the maining of that hard word, prepasterous: but there's -a time for all things, honey' -- So saying, he passed me with -great agility, and, running down stairs, found our foot-man at -the dining-room door, of whom he demanded admittance, to pay his -respects to the stranger. As the fellow did not think proper to -refuse the request of such a formidable figure, he was -immediately introduced, and addressed himself to my uncle in -these words: 'Your humble servant, good sir, -- I'm not so -prepasterous, as your son calls it, but I know the rules of -shivility - I'm a poor knight of Ireland, my name is sir Ulic -Mackilligut, of the county of Galway; being your fellow-lodger, -I'm come to pay my respects, and to welcome you to the South -Parade, and to offer my best services to you, and your good lady, -and your pretty daughter; and even to the young gentleman your -son, though he thinks me a prepasterous fellow -- You must know I -am to have the honour to open a ball next door to-morrow with -lady Mac Manus; and being rusted in my dancing, I was refreshing -my memory with a little exercise; but if I had known there was a -sick person below, by Christ! I would have sooner danced a -hornpipe upon my own head, than walk the softest minuet over -yours.' -- My uncle, who was not a little startled at his first -appearance, received his compliment with great complacency, -insisted upon his being seated, thanked him for the honour of his -visit, and reprimanded me for my abrupt expostulation with a -gentleman of his rank and character. Thus tutored, I asked pardon -of the knight, who, forthwith starting up, embraced me so close, -that I could hardly breathe; and assured me, he loved me as his -own soul. At length, recollecting his night-cap, he pulled it off -in some confusion; and, with his bald-pate uncovered, made a -thousand apologies to the ladies, as he retired -- At that -instant, the Abbey bells, began to ring so loud, that we could -not hear one another speak; and this peal, as we afterwards -learned, was for the honour of Mr Bullock, an eminent cowkeeper -of Tottenham, who had just arrived at Bath, to drink the waters -for indigestion. Mr Bramble had not time to make his remarks upon -the agreeable nature of this serenade, before his ears were -saluted with another concert that interested him more nearly. Two -negroes, belonging to a Creole gentleman, who lodged in the same -house, taking their station at a window in the stair-case, about -ten feet from our dining-room door, began to practise upon the -French-horn; and being in the very first rudiments of execution, -produced such discordant sounds, as might have discomposed the -organs of an ass. You may guess what effect they had upon the -irritable nerves of uncle; who, with the most admirable -expression of splenetic surprize in his countenance, sent his man -to silence these dreadful blasts, and desire the musicians to -practise in some other place, as they had no right to stand there -and disturb all the lodgers in the house. Those sable performers, -far from taking the hint, and withdrawing, treated the messenger -with great insolence; bidding him carry his compliments to their -master, colonel Rigworm, who would give him a proper answer, and -a good drubbing into the bargain; in the mean time they continued -their noise, and even endeavoured to make it more disagreeable; -laughing between whiles, at the thoughts of being able to torment -their betters with impunity. Our 'squire, incensed at the -additional insult, immediately dispatched the servant, with his -compliments to colonel Rigworm, requesting that he would order -his blacks to be quiet, as the noise they made was altogether -intolerable -- To this message, the Creole colonel replied, that -his horns had a right to sound on a common staircase; that there -they should play for his diversion; and that those who did not -like the noise, might look for lodgings elsewhere. Mr Bramble no -sooner received this reply, than his eyes began to glisten, his -face grew pale, and his teeth chattered. After a moment's pause, -he slipt on his shoes, without speaking a word, or seeming to -feel any further disturbance from the gout in his toes. Then -snatching his cane, he opened the door and proceeded to the -place where the black trumpeters were posted. There, without -further hesitation, he began to belabour them both; and exerted -himself with such astonishing vigour and agility, that both their -heads and horns were broken in a twinkling, and they ran howling -down stairs to their master's parlour-door. The squire, following -them half way, called aloud, that the colonel might hear him, -'Go, rascals, and tell your master what I have done; if he thinks -himself injured, he knows where to come for satisfaction. As for -you, this is but an earnest of what you shall receive, if ever -you presume to blow a horn again here, while I stay in the -house.' So saying, he retired to his apartment, in expectation of -hearing from the West Indian; but the colonel prudently declined -any farther prosecution of the dispute. My sister Liddy was -frighted into a fit, from which she was no sooner recovered, than -Mrs Tabitha began a lecture upon patience; which her brother -interrupted with a most significant grin, 'True, sister, God -increase my patience and your discretion. I wonder (added he) -what sort of sonata we are to expect from this overture, in which -the devil, that presides over horrid sounds, hath given us such -variations of discord -- The trampling of porters, the creaking -and crashing of trunks, the snarling of curs, the scolding of -women, the squeaking and squalling of fiddles and hautboys out of -tune, the bouncing of the Irish baronet over-head, and the -bursting, belching, and brattling of the French-horns in the -passage (not to mention the harmonious peal that still thunders -from the Abbey steeple) succeeding one another without -interruption, like the different parts of the same concert, have -given me such an idea of what a poor invalid has to expect in -this temple, dedicated to Silence and Repose, that I shall -certainly shift my quarters to-morrow, and endeavour to -effectuate my retreat before Sir Ulic opens the ball with my lady -Mac Manus; a conjunction that bodes me no good.' This intimation -was by no means agreeable to Mrs Tabitha, whose ears were not -quite so delicate as those of her brother -- She said it would be -great folly to move from such agreeable lodgings, the moment they -were comfortably settled. She wondered he should be such an enemy -to music and mirth. She heard no noise but of his own making: it -was impossible to manage a family in dumb-shew. He might harp as -long as he pleased upon her scolding; but she never scolded, -except for his advantage; but he would never be satisfied, even -tho'f she should sweat blood and water in his service -- I have a -great notion that our aunt, who is now declining into the most -desperate state of celibacy, had formed some design upon the -heart of Sir Ulic Mackilligut, which she feared might be -frustrated by our abrupt departure from these lodgings. Her -brother, eyeing her askance, 'Pardon me, sister (said he) I -should be a savage, indeed, were I insensible of my own felicity, -in having such a mild, complaisant, good-humoured, and -considerate companion and housekeeper; -but as I have got a weak head, and my sense of hearing is -painfully acute, before I have recourse to plugs of wool and -cotton, I'll try whether I can't find another lodging, where I -shall have more quiet and less music.' He accordingly dispatched -his man upon this service; and next day he found a small house in -Milsham-street, which he hires by the week. Here, at least, we -enjoy convenience and quiet within doors, as much as Tabby's -temper will allow; but the squire still complains of flying pains -in the stomach and head, for which he bathes and drinks the -waters. He is not so bad, however, but that he goes in person to -the pump, the rooms, and the coffeehouses; where he picks up -continual food for ridicule and satire. If I can glean any thing -for your amusement, either from his observation or my own, you -shall have it freely, though I am afraid it will poorly -compensate the trouble of reading these tedious -insipid letters of, - -Dear Phillips, -Yours always, -J. MELFORD - - -To Dr LEWIS. -BATH, April 23. -DEAR DOCTOR, - -If I did not know that the exercise of your profession has -habituated you to the hearing of complaints, I should make a -conscience of troubling you with my correspondence, which may be -truly called the lamentations of Matthew Bramble. Yet I cannot -help thinking I have some right to discharge the overflowings of -my spleen upon you, whose province it is to remove those -disorders that occasioned it; and let me tell you, it is no small -alleviation of my grievances, that I have a sensible friend, to -whom I can communicate my crusty humours, which, by retention, -would grow intolerably acrimonious. - -You must know, I find nothing but disappointment at Bath; which -is so altered, that I can scarce believe it is the same place -that I frequented about thirty years ago. Methinks I hear you -say, 'Altered it is, without all doubt: but then it is altered -for the better; a truth which, perhaps, you would own without -hesitation, if you yourself was not altered for the worse.' The -reflection may, for aught I know, be just. The inconveniences -which I overlooked in the high-day of health, will naturally -strike with exaggerated impression on the irritable nerves of an -invalid, surprised by premature old age, and shattered with long-suffering -- -But, I believe, you will not deny, that this place, -which Nature and Providence seem to have intended as a resource -from distemper and disquiet, is become the very centre of racket -and dissipation. Instead of that peace, tranquillity, and case, -so necessary to those who labour under bad health, weak nerves, -and irregular spirits; here we have nothing but noise, tumult, -and hurry; with the fatigue and slavery of maintaining a -ceremonial, more stiff, formal, and oppressive, than the -etiquette of a German elector. A national hospital it may be, but -one would imagine that none but lunatics are admitted; and truly, -I will give you leave to call me so, if I stay much longer at -Bath. -- But I shall take another opportunity to explain my -sentiments at greater length on this subject -- I was impatient -to see the boasted improvements in architecture, for which the -upper parts of the town have been so much celebrated and t'other -day I made a circuit of all the new buildings. The Square, though -irregular, is, on the whole, pretty well laid out, spacious, -open, and airy; and, in my opinion, by far the most wholesome and -agreeable situation in Bath, especially the upper side of it; but -the avenues to it are mean, dirty, dangerous, and indirect. Its -communication with the Baths, is through the yard of an inn, -where the poor trembling valetudinarian is carried in a chair, -betwixt the heels of a double row of horses, wincing under the -curry-combs of grooms and postilions, over and above the hazard -of being obstructed, or overturned by the carriages which are -continually making their exit or their entrance -- I suppose -after some chairmen shall have been maimed, and a few lives lost -by those accidents, the corporation will think, in earnest, about -providing a more safe and commodious passage. The Circus is a -pretty bauble, contrived for shew, and looks like Vespasian's -amphitheatre turned outside in. If we consider it in point of -magnificence, the great number of small doors belonging to the -separate houses, the inconsiderable height of the different -orders, the affected ornaments of the architrave, which are both -childish and misplaced, and the areas projecting into the street, -surrounded with iron rails, destroy a good part of its effect -upon the eye; and, perhaps, we shall find it still more -defective, if we view it in the light of convenience. The figure -of each separate dwelling-house, being the segment of a circle, -must spoil the symmetry of the rooms, by contracting them towards -the street windows, and leaving a larger sweep in the space -behind. If, instead of the areas and iron rails, which seem to be -of very little use, there had been a corridore with arcades all -round, as in Covent-garden, the appearance of the whole would -have been more magnificent and striking; those arcades would have -afforded an agreeable covered walk, and sheltered the poor -chairmen and their carriages from the rain, which is here almost -perpetual. At present, the chairs stand soaking in the open -street, from morning to night, till they become so many boxes of -wet leather, for the benefit of the gouty and rheumatic, who are -transported in them from place to place. Indeed this is a -shocking inconvenience that extends over the whole city; and, I -am persuaded, it produces infinite mischief to the delicate and -infirm; even the close chairs, contrived for the sick, by -standing in the open air, have their frize linings impregnated -like so many spunges, with the moisture of the atmosphere, and -those cases of cold vapour must give a charming check to the -perspiration of a patient, piping hot from the Bath, with all his -pores wide open. - -But, to return to the Circus; it is inconvenient from its -situation, at so great a distance from all the markets, baths, -and places of public entertainment. The only entrance to it, -through Gay-street, is so difficult, steep, and slippery, that in -wet weather, it must be exceedingly dangerous, both for those -that ride in carriages, and those that walk a-foot; and when the -street is covered with snow, as it was for fifteen days -successively this very winter, I don't see how any individual -could go either up or down, without the most imminent hazard of -broken bones. In blowing weather, I am told, most of the houses -in this hill are smothered with smoke, forced down the chimneys, -by the gusts of wind reverberated from the hill behind, which (I -apprehend likewise) must render the atmosphere here more humid -and unwholesome than it is in the square below; for the clouds, -formed by the constant evaporation from the baths and rivers in -the bottom, will, in their ascent this way, be first attracted -and detained by the hill that rises close behind the Circus, and -load the air with a perpetual succession of vapours: this point, -however, may be easily ascertained by means of an hygrometer, or -a paper of salt of tartar exposed to the action of the -atmosphere. The same artist who planned the Circus, has likewise -projected a Crescent; when that is finished, we shall probably -have a Star; and those who are living thirty years hence, may, -perhaps, see all the signs of the Zodiac exhibited in -architecture at Bath. These, however fantastical, are still -designs that denote some ingenuity and knowledge in the -architect; but the rage of building has laid hold on such a -number of adventurers, that one sees new houses starting up in -every out-let and every corner of Bath; contrived without -judgment, executed without solidity, and stuck together with so -little regard to plan and propriety, that the different lines of -the new rows and buildings interfere with, and intersect one -another in every different angle of conjunction. They look like -the wreck of streets and squares disjointed by an earthquake, -which hath broken the ground into a variety of holes and -hillocks; or as if some Gothic devil had stuffed them altogether -in a bag, and left them to stand higgledy piggledy, just as -chance directed. What sort of a monster Bath will become in a few -years, with those growing excrescences, may be easily conceived: -but the want of beauty and proportion is not the worst effect of -these new mansions; they are built so slight, with the soft -crumbling stone found in this neighbourhood, that I shall never -sleep quietly in one of them, when it blowed (as the sailors say) -a cap-full of wind; and, I am persuaded, that my hind, Roger -Williams, or any man of equal strength, would be able to push his -foot through the strongest part of their walls, without any great -exertion of his muscles. All these absurdities arise from the -general tide of luxury, which hath overspread the nation, and -swept away all, even the very dregs of the people. Every upstart -of fortune, harnessed in the trappings of the mode, presents -himself at Bath, as in the very focus of observation -- Clerks -and factors from the East Indies, loaded with the spoil of -plundered provinces; planters, negro-drivers, and hucksters from -our American plantations, enriched they know not how; agents, -commissaries, and contractors, who have fattened, in two -successive wars, on the blood of the nation; usurers, brokers, -and jobbers of every kind; men of low birth, and no breeding, -have found themselves suddenly translated into a state of -affluence, unknown to former ages; and no wonder that their -brains should be intoxicated with pride, vanity, and presumption. -Knowing no other criterion of greatness, but the ostentation of -wealth, they discharge their affluence without taste or conduct, -through every channel of the most absurd extravagance; and all of -them hurry to Bath, because here, without any further -qualification, they can mingle with the princes and nobles of the -land. Even the wives and daughters of low tradesmen, who, like -shovel-nosed sharks, prey upon the blubber of those uncouth -whales of fortune, are infected with the same rage of displaying -their importance; and the slightest indisposition serves them for -a pretext to insist upon being conveyed to Bath, where they may -hobble country-dances and cotillons among lordlings, squires, -counsellors, and clergy. These delicate creatures from -Bedfordbury, Butcher-row, Crutched-friers, and Botolph-lane, -cannot breathe in the gross air of the Lower Town, or conform to -the vulgar rules of a common lodging-house; the husband, -therefore, must provide an entire house, or elegant apartments in -the new buildings. Such is the composition of what is called the -fashionable company at Bath; where a very inconsiderable -proportion of genteel people are lost in a mob of impudent -plebeians, who have neither understanding nor judgment, nor the -least idea of propriety and decorum; and seem to enjoy nothing so -much as an opportunity of insulting their betters. - -Thus the number of people, and the number of houses continue to -increase; and this will ever be the case, till the streams that -swell this irresistible torrent of folly and extravagance, shall -either be exhausted, or turned into other channels, by incidents -and events which I do not pretend to foresee. This, I own, is a -subject on which I cannot write with any degree of patience; for -the mob is a monster I never could abide, either in its head, -tail, midriff, or members; I detest the whole of it, as a mass of -ignorance, presumption, malice and brutality; and, in this term -of reprobation, I include, without respect of rank, station, or -quality, all those of both sexes, who affect its manners, and -court its society. - -But I have written till my fingers are crampt, and my nausea -begins to return -- By your advice, I sent to London a few days -ago for half a pound of Gengzeng; though I doubt much, whether -that which comes from America is equally efficacious with what is -brought from the East Indies. Some years ago a friend of mine -paid sixteen guineas for two ounces of it; and, in six months -after, it was sold in the same shop for five shillings the pound. -In short, we live in a vile world of fraud and sophistication; so -that I know nothing of equal value with the genuine friendship of -a sensible man; a rare jewel! which I cannot help thinking myself -in possession of, while I repeat the old declaration, that I am, -as usual, - -Dear Lewis, -Your affectionate -M. BRAMBLE, - -After having been agitated in a short hurricane, on my first -arrival, I have taken a small house in Milsham-street, where I am -tolerably well lodged, for five guineas a week. I was yesterday -at the Pump-room, and drank about a pint of water, which seems to -agree with my stomach; and to-morrow morning I shall bathe, for -the first time; so that in a few posts you may expect farther -trouble; mean while, I am glad to find that the inoculation -has succeeded so well with poor Joyce, and that her face will be -but little marked. If my friend Sir Thomas was a single man, I -would not trust such a handsome wench in his family; but as I -have recommended her, in a particular manner, to the protection -of lady G--, who is one of the best women in the world, she may -go thither without hesitation as soon as she is quite recovered -and fit for service -- Let her mother have money to provide her -with necessaries, and she may ride behind her brother on Bucks; -but you must lay strong injunctions on Jack, to take particular -care of the trusty old veteran, who has faithfully earned his -present ease by his past services. - - - -To Miss WILLIS at Gloucester. -BATH, April 26. -MY DEAREST COMPANION, - -The pleasure I received from yours, which came to hand yesterday, -is not to be expressed. Love and friendship are, without doubt, -charming passions; which absence serves only to heighten and -improve. Your kind present of the garnet bracelets, I shall keep -as carefully as I preserve my own life; and I beg you will accept, -in return, my heart-housewife, with the tortoise-shell -memorandum-book, as a trifling pledge of my unalterable -affection. - -Bath is to me a new world -- All is gayety, good-humour, and -diversion. The eye is continually entertained with the splendour -of dress and equipage; and the ear with the sound of coaches, -chairs, and other carriages. The merry bells ring round, from -morn till night. Then we are welcomed by the city-waits in our -own lodgings; we have music in the Pump-room every morning, -cotillons every forenoon in the rooms, balls twice a week, and -concerts every other night, besides private assemblies and -parties without number -- As soon as we were settled in lodgings, -we were visited by the Master of the Ceremonies; a pretty little -gentleman, so sweet, so fine, so civil, and polite, that in our -country he might pass for the prince of Wales; then he talks so -charmingly, both in verse and prose, that you would be delighted -to hear him discourse; for you must know he is a great writer, -and has got five tragedies ready for the stage. He did us the -favour to dine with us, by my uncle's invitation; and next day -squired my aunt and me to every part of Bath; which, to be sure, -is an earthly paradise. The Square, the Circus, and the Parades, -put you in mind of the sumptuous palaces represented in prints -and pictures; and the new buildings, such as Princes-row, -Harlequin's-row, Bladud's-row, and twenty other rows, look like -so many enchanted castles, raised on hanging terraces. - -At eight in the morning, we go in dishabille to the Pump-room -which is crowded like a Welsh fair; and there you see the highest -quality, and the lowest trades folks, jostling each other, -without ceremony, hail-fellow well-met. The noise of the music -playing in the gallery, the heat and flavour of such a crowd, and -the hum and buz of their conversation, gave me the head-ach and -vertigo the first day; but, afterwards, all these things became -familiar, and even agreeable. -- Right under the Pump-room -windows is the King's Bath; a huge cistern, where you see the -patients up to their necks in hot water. The ladies wear jackets -and petticoats of brown linen with chip hats, in which they fix -their handkerchiefs to wipe the sweat from their faces; but, -truly, whether it is owing to the steam that surrounds them, or -the heat of the water, or the nature of the dress, or to all -these causes together, they look so flushed, and so frightful, -that I always turn my eyes another way -- My aunt, who says every -person of fashion should make her appearance in the bath, as well -as in the abbey church, contrived a cap with cherry-coloured -ribbons to suit her complexion, and obliged Win to attend her -yesterday morning in the water. But, really, her eyes were so -red, that they made mine water as I viewed her from the Pump-room; -and as for poor Win, who wore a hat trimmed with blue, what -betwixt her wan complexion and her fear, she looked like the -ghost of some pale maiden, who had drowned herself for love. When -she came out of the bath, she took assafoetida drops, and was -fluttered all day; so that we could hardly keep her from going -into hysterics: but her mistress says it will do her good; and -poor Win curtsies, with the tears in her eyes. For my part, I -content myself with drinking about half a pint of the water every -morning. - -The pumper, with his wife and servant, attend within a bar; and -the glasses, of different sizes, stand ranged in order before -them, so you have nothing to do but to point at that which you -choose, and it is filled immediately, hot and sparkling from the -pump. It is the only hot water I could ever drink, without being -sick -- Far from having that effect, it is rather agreeable to -the taste, grateful to the stomach, and reviving to the spirits. -You cannot imagine what wonderful cures it performs -- My uncle -began with it the other day; but he made wry faces in drinking, -and I'm afraid he will leave it off -- The first day we came to -Bath, he fell into a violent passion; beat two black-a-moors, and -I was afraid he would have fought with their master; but the -stranger proved a peaceable man. To be sure, the gout had got -into his head, as my aunt observed; but, I believe, his passion -drove it away; for he has been remarkably well ever since. It is -a thousand pities he should ever be troubled with that ugly -distemper; for, when he is free from pain, he is the best -tempered man upon earth; so gentle, so generous, so charitable, -that every body loves him; and so good to me, in particular, that -I shall never be able to shew the deep sense I have of his -tenderness and affection. - -Hard by the Pump-room, is a coffee-house for the ladies; but my -aunt says, young girls are not admitted, insomuch as the -conversation turns upon politics, scandal, philosophy, and other -subjects above our capacity; but we are allowed to accompany them -to the booksellers' shops, which are charming places of resort; -where we read novels, plays, pamphlets, and newspapers, for so -small a subscription as a crown a quarter; and in these offices -of intelligence (as my brother calls them) all the reports of the -day, and all the private transactions of the Bath, are first -entered and discussed. From the bookseller's shop, we make a tour -through the milliners and toymen; and commonly stop at Mr Gill's, -the pastry-cook, to take a jelly, a tart, or a small bason of -vermicelli. There is, moreover, another place of entertainment on -the other side of the water, opposite to the Grove, to which the -company cross over in a boat -- It is called Spring-garden; a -sweet retreat, laid out in walks and ponds, and parterres of -flowers; and there is a long-room for breakfasting and dancing. -As the situation is low and damp, and the season has been -remarkably wet, my uncle won't suffer me to go thither, lest I -should catch cold: but my aunt says it is all a vulgar prejudice; -and, to be sure, a great many gentlemen and ladies of Ireland -frequent the place, without seeming to be the worse for it. They -say, dancing at Spring-gardens, when the air is moist, is -recommended to them as an excellent cure for the rheumatism. I -have been twice at the play; where, notwithstanding the -excellence of the performers, the gayety of the company, and the -decorations of the theatre, which are very fine, I could not help -reflecting, with a sigh, upon our poor homely representations at -Gloucester -- But this, in confidence to my dear Willis -- You -know my heart, and will excuse its weakness. - -After all, the great scenes of entertainment at Bath, are the two -public rooms; where the company meet alternately every evening. -They are spacious, lofty, and, when lighted up, appear very -striking. They are generally crowded with well-dressed people, -who drink tea in separate parties, play at cards, walk, or sit -and chat together, just as they are disposed. Twice a-week there -is a ball; the expence of which is defrayed by a voluntary -subscription among the gentlemen; and every subscriber has three -tickets. I was there Friday last with my aunt, under the care of -my brother, who is a subscriber; and Sir Ulic Mackilligut -recommended his nephew, captain O Donaghan, to me as a partner; -but Jery excused himself, by saying I had got the head-ach; and, -indeed, it was really so, though I can't imagine how he knew it. -The place was so hot, and the smell so different from what we are -used to in the country, that I was quite feverish when we came -away. Aunt says it is the effect of a vulgar constitution, reared -among woods and mountains; and, that as I become accustomed to -genteel company, it will wear off. -- Sir Ulic was very -complaisant, made her a great many high-flown compliments; and, -when we retired, handed her with great ceremony to her chair. The -captain, I believe, would have done me the same favour; but my -brother seeing him advance, took me under his arm, and wished him -good night. The Captain is a pretty man, to be sure; tall and -strait, and well made; with light-grey eyes, and a Roman nose; -but there is a certain boldness in his look and manner, that puts -one out of countenance -- But I am afraid I have put you out of -all patience with this long unconnected scrawl; which I shall -therefore conclude, with assuring you, that neither Bath, nor -London, nor all the diversions of life, shall ever be able to -efface the idea of my dear Letty, from the heart of her ever -affectionate - -LYDIA MELFORD - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MOLLY JONES, - -Heaving got a frank, I now return your fever, which I received by -Mr Higgins, at the Hot Well, together with the stockings, which -his wife footed for me; but now they are of no survice. No body -wears such things in this place -- O Molly! you that live in the -country have no deception of our doings at Bath. Here is such -dressing, and fidling, and dancing, and gadding, and courting and -plotting -- O gracious! if God had not given me a good stock of -discretion, what a power of things might not I reveal, consarning -old mistress and young mistress; Jews with beards that were no -Jews; but handsome Christians, without a hair upon their sin, -strolling with spectacles, to get speech of Miss Liddy. But she's -a dear sweet soul, as innocent as the child unborn. She has tould -me all her inward thoughts, and disclosed her passion for Mr -Wilson; and that's not his name neither; and thof he acted among -the player-men, he is meat for their masters; and she has gi'en -me her yallow trollopea; which Mrs Drab, the mantymaker, says -will look very well when it is scowred and smoaked with silfur -- -You knows as how, yallow fitts my fizzogmony. God he knows what -havock I shall make among the mail sex, when I make my first -appearance in this killing collar, with a full soot of gaze, as -good as new, that I bought last Friday of madam Friponeau, the -French mullaner -- Dear girl, I have seen all the fine shews of -Bath; the Prades, the Squires, and the Circlis, the Crashit, the -Hottogon, and Bloody Buildings, and Harry King's row; and I have -been twice in the Bath with mistress, and na'r a smoak upon our -backs, hussy. The first time I was mortally afraid, and flustered -all day; and afterwards made believe that I had got the heddick; -but mistress said, if I didn't go I should take a dose of -bumtaffy; and so remembering how it worked Mrs Gwyllim a -pennorth, I chose rather to go again with her into the Bath, and -then I met with an axident. I dropt my petticoat, and could not -get it up from the bottom.--But what did that signify; they -mought laff but they could see nothing; for I was up to the sin -in water. To be sure, it threw me into such a gumbustion, that I -know not what I said, nor what I did, nor how they got me out, -and rapt me in a blanket -- Mrs Tabitha scoulded a little when we -got home; but she knows as I know what's what Ah Laud help you! -- -There is Sir Yury Micligut, of Balnaclinch, in the cunty of -Kalloway -- I took down the name from his gentleman, Mr 0 Frizzle, -and he has got an estate of fifteen hundred a year -- I am sure he -is both rich and generous--But you nose, Molly, I was always -famous for keeping secrets; and so he was very safe in trusting -me with his flegm for mistress; which, to be sure is very -honourable; for Mr 0 Frizzle assures me, he values not her -portion a brass varthing -- And, indeed, what's poor ten thousand -pounds to a Baron Knight of his fortune? and, truly, I told Mr 0 -Frizzle that was all she had trust to -- As for John Thomas, he's a -morass fellor -- I vow, I thought he would a fit with Mr 0 Frizzle, -because he axed me to dance with him at Spring Garden -- But God he -knows I have no thoughts eyther of wan or t'other. - -As for house news, the worst is, Chowder has fallen off greatly -from his stomick -- He cats nothing but white meats, and not much -of that; and wheezes, and seems to be much bloated. The doctors -think he is threatened with a dropsy -- Parson Marrofat, who has -got the same disorder, finds great benefit from the waters; but -Chowder seems to like them no better than the squire; and -mistress says, if his case don't take a favourable turn, she will -sartinly carry him to Aberga'ny, to drink goat's whey -- To be -sure, the poor dear honymil is lost for want of axercise; for -which reason, she intends to give him an airing once a-day upon -the Downs, in a post-chaise -- I have already made very creditable -connexions in this here place; where, to be sure, we have the -very squintasense of satiety -- Mrs Patcher, my lady Kilmacullock's -woman, and I are sworn sisters. She has shewn me all her secrets, -and learned me to wash gaze, and refrash rusty silks and -bumbeseens, by boiling them with winegar, chamberlye, and stale -beer. My short sack and apron luck as good as new from the shop, -and my pumpydoor as fresh as a rose, by the help of turtle-water -- -But this is all Greek and Latten to you, Molly -- If we should -come to Aberga'ny, you'll be within a day's ride of us; and then -we shall see wan another, please God -- If not, remember me in your -prayers, as I shall do by you in mine; and take care of my -kitten, and give my kind sarvice to Sall; and this is all at -present, from your beloved friend and sarvent, - -W. JENKINS -BATH, April 26. - - -To Mrs GWYLLIM, house-keeper at Brambleton-hall. - -I am astonished that Dr Lewis should take upon him to give away -Alderney, without my privity and concurrants -- What signifies my -brother's order? My brother is little better than Noncompush. He -would give away the shirt off his back, and the teeth out of his -head; nay, as for that matter; he would have ruinated the family -with his ridiculous charities, if it had not been for my four -quarters -- What between his willfullness and his waste, his -trumps, and his frenzy, I lead the life of an indented slave. -Alderney gave four gallons a-day, ever since the calf was sent to -market. There is so much milk out of my dairy, and the press must -stand still: but I won't loose a cheese pairing; and the milk -shall be made good, if the sarvents should go without butter. If -they must needs have butter, let them make it of sheep's milk; -but then my wool will suffer for want of grace; so that I must be -a loser on all sides. Well, patience is like a stout Welsh poney; -it bears a great deal, and trots a great way; but it will tire at -the long run. Before its long, perhaps I may shew Matt, that I -was not born to be the household drudge to my dying day -- Gwyn -rites from Crickhowel, that the price of flannel is fallen three- -farthings an ell; and that's another good penny out of my pocket. -When I go to market to sell, my commodity stinks; but when I want -to buy the commonest thing, the owner pricks it up under my nose; -and it can't be had for love nor money -- I think everything runs -cross at Brambleton-hall -- You say the gander has broke the eggs; -which is a phinumenon I don't understand: for when the fox -carried off the old goose last year, he took her place, and -hatched the eggs, and partected the goslings like a tender -parent -- Then you tell me the thunder has soured two barrels of -beer in the seller. But how the thunder should get there, when -the seller was double-locked, I can't comprehend. Howsomever, I -won't have the beer thrown out, till I see it with my own eyes. -Perhaps, it will recover -- At least it will serve for vinegar to -the servants. -- You may leave off the fires in my brother's -chamber and mine, as it is unsartain when we return. -- I hope, -Gwyllim, you'll take care there is no waste; and have an eye to -the maids, and keep them to their spinning. I think they may go -very well without beer in hot weather -- it serves only to inflame -the blood, and set them a-gog after the men. Water will make them -fair and keep them cool and tamperit. Don't forget to put up in -the portmantel, that cums with Williams, along with my riding-habit, -hat, and feather, the viol of purl water, and the tincktur -for my stomach; being as how I am much troubled with -flutterencies. This is all at present, from - -Yours, -TABITHA BRAMBLE -BATH, April 26. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -I have done with the waters; therefore your advice comes a day -too late I grant that physic is no mystery of your making. I know -it is a mystery in its own nature; and, like other mysteries, -requires a strong gulp of faith to make it go down -- Two days ago, -I went into the King's Bath, by the advice of our friend -Ch--, in order to clear the strainer of the skin, for the benefit -of a free perspiration; and the first object that saluted my eye, -was a child full of scrophulous ulcers, carried in the arms of -one of the guides, under the very noses of the bathers. I was so -shocked at the sight, that I retired immediately with indignation -and disgust -- Suppose the matter of those ulcers, floating on the -water, comes in contact with my skin, when the pores are all -open, I would ask you what must be the consequence? -- Good -Heaven, the very thought makes my blood run cold! we know not -what sores may be running into the water while we are bathing, -and what sort of matter we may thus imbibe; the king's-evil, the -scurvy, the cancer, and the pox; and, no doubt, the heat will -render the virus the more volatile and penetrating. To purify -myself from all such contamination, I went to the duke of -Kingston's private Bath, and there I was almost suffocated for -want of free air; the place was so small, and the steam so -stifling. - -After all, if the intention is no more than to wash the skin, I -am convinced that simple element is more effectual than any water -impregnated with salt and iron; which, being astringent, will -certainly contract the pores, and leave a kind of crust upon the -surface of the body. But I am now as much afraid of drinking, as -of bathing; for, after a long conversation with the Doctor, about -the construction of the pump and the cistern, it is very far from -being clear with me, that the patients in the Pump-room don't -swallow the scourings of the bathers. I can't help suspecting, -that there is, or may be, some regurgitation from the bath into -the cistern of the pump. In that case, what a delicate beveridge -is every day quaffed by the drinkers; medicated with the sweat -and dirt, and dandriff; and the abominable discharges of various -kinds, from twenty different diseased bodies, parboiling in the -kettle below. In order to avoid this filthy composition, I had -recourse to the spring that supplies the private baths on the -Abbey-green; but I at once perceived something extraordinary in -the taste and smell; and, upon inquiry, I find that the Roman -baths in this quarter, were found covered by an old burying -ground, belonging to the Abbey; through which, in all -probability, the water drains in its passage; so that as we drink -the decoction of living bodies at the Pump-room, we swallow the -strainings of rotten bones and carcasses at the private bath. I -vow to God, the very idea turns my stomach! Determined, as I am, -against any farther use of the Bath waters, this consideration -would give me little disturbance, if I could find any thing more -pure, or less pernicious, to quench my thirst; but, although the -natural springs of excellent water are seen gushing spontaneous -on every side, from the hills that surround us, the inhabitants, -in general, make use of well-water, so impregnated with nitre, or -alum, or some other villainous mineral, that it is equally -ungrateful to the taste, and mischievous to the constitution. It -must be owned, indeed, that here, in Milsham-street, we have a -precarious and scanty supply from the hill; which is collected in -an open bason in the Circus, liable to be defiled with dead dogs, -cats, rats, and every species of nastiness, which the rascally -populace may throw into it, from mere wantonness and brutality. -Well, there is no nation that drinks so hoggishly as the English. - -What passes for wine among us, is not the juice of the grape. It -is an adulterous mixture, brewed up of nauseous ingredients, by -dunces, who are bunglers in the art of poison-making; and yet we, -and our forefathers, are and have been poisoned by this cursed -drench, without taste or flavour -- The only genuine and wholesome -beveridge in England, is London porter, and Dorchester table-beer; -but as for your ale and your gin, your cyder and your -perry, and all the trashy family of made wines, I detest them as -infernal compositions, contrived for the destruction of the human -species -- But what have I to do with the human species? except a -very few friends, I care not if the whole was --. - -Heark ye, Lewis, my misanthropy increases every day -- The longer I -live, I find the folly and the fraud of mankind grow more and -more intolerable -- I wish I had not come from Brambletonhall; -after having lived in solitude so long, I cannot bear the hurry -and impertinence of the multitude; besides, every thing is -sophisticated in these crowded places. Snares are laid for our -lives in every thing we cat or drink: the very air we breathe, is -loaded with contagion. We cannot even sleep, without risque of -infection. I say, infection -- This place is the rendezvous of the -diseased -- You won't deny, that many diseases are infectious; even -the consumption itself, is highly infectious. When a person dies -of it in Italy, the bed and bedding are destroyed; the other -furniture is exposed to the weather and the apartment white-washed, -before it is occupied by any other living soul. You'll -allow, that nothing receives infection sooner, or retains it -longer, than blankets, feather-beds, and matrasses -- 'Sdeath! how -do I know what miserable objects have been stewing in the bed -where I now lie! -- I wonder, Dick, you did not put me in mind of -sending for my own matrasses -- But, if I had not been an ass, I -should not have needed a remembrancer -- There is always some -plaguy reflection that rises up in judgment against me, and -ruffles my spirits -- Therefore, let us change the subject. - -I have other reasons for abridging my stay at Bath -- You know -sister Tabby's complexion -- If Mrs Tabitha Bramble had been of any -other race, I should certainly have considered her as the most --. -But, the truth is, she has found means to interest my affection; -or, rather, she is beholden to the force of prejudice, commonly -called the ties of blood. Well, this amiable maiden has actually -commenced a flirting correspondence with an Irish baronet of -sixty-five. His name is Sir Ulic Mackilligut. He is said to be -much out at elbows; and, I believe, has received false -intelligence with respect to her fortune. Be that as it may, the -connexion is exceedingly ridiculous, and begins already to excite -whispers. For my part, I have no intention to dispute her free-agency; -though I shall fall upon some expedient to undeceive her -paramour, as to the point which he has principally in view. But I -don't think her conduct is a proper example for Liddy, who has -also attracted the notice of some coxcombs in the Rooms; and Jery -tells me, he suspects a strapping fellow, the knight's nephew, of -some design upon the girl's heart. I shall, therefore, keep a -strict eye over her aunt and her, and even shift the scene, if I -find the matter grow more serious -- You perceive what an agreeable -task it must be, to a man of my kidney, to have the cure of such -souls as these. -- But, hold, You shall not have another peevish -word (till the next occasion) from - -Yours, -MATT. BRAMBLE -BATH, April 28. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -I think those people are unreasonable, who complain that Bath is -a contracted circle, in which the same dull scenes perpetually -revolve, without variation -- I am, on the contrary, amazed to find -so small a place so crowded with entertainment and variety. -London itself can hardly exhibit one species of diversion, to -which we have not something analogous at Bath, over and above -those singular advantages that are peculiar to the place. Here, -for example, a man has daily opportunities of seeing the most -remarkable characters of the community. He sees them in their -natural attitudes and true colours; descended from their -pedestals, and divested of their formal draperies, undisguised by -art and affectation -- Here we have ministers of state, judges, -generals, bishops, projectors, philosophers, wits, poets, -players, chemists, fiddlers, and buffoons. If he makes any -considerable stay in the place, he is sure of meeting with some -particular friend, whom he did not expect to see; and to me there -is nothing more agreeable than such casual reencounters. Another -entertainment, peculiar to Bath, arises from the general mixture -of all degrees assembled in our public rooms, without distinction -of rank or fortune. This is what my uncle reprobates, as a -monstrous jumble of heterogeneous principles; a vile mob of noise -and impertinence, without decency or subordination. But this -chaos is to me a source of infinite amusement. - -I was extremely diverted last ball-night to see the Master of the -Ceremonies leading, with great solemnity, to the upper end of the -room, an antiquated Abigail, dressed in her lady's cast-clothes; -whom he (I suppose) mistook for some countess just arrived at the -Bath. The ball was opened by a Scotch lord, with a mulatto -heiress from St Christopher's; and the gay colonel Tinsel danced -all the evening with the daughter of an eminent tinman from the -borough of Southwark. Yesterday morning, at the Pump-room, I saw a -broken-winded Wapping landlady squeeze through a circle of peers, -to salute her brandy-merchant, who stood by the window, propped -upon crutches; and a paralytic attorney of Shoe-lane, in -shuffling up to the bar, kicked the shins of the chancellor of -England, while his lordship, in a cut bob, drank a glass of water -at the pump. I cannot account for my being pleased with these -incidents, any other way, than by saying they are truly -ridiculous in their own nature, and serve to heighten the humour -in the farce of life, which I am determined to enjoy as long as I -can. - -Those follies, that move my uncle's spleen, excite my laughter. -He is as tender as a man without a skin; who cannot bear the -slightest touch without flinching. What tickles another would -give him torment; and yet he has what we may call lucid -intervals, when he is remarkably facetious -- Indeed, I never knew -a hypochondriac so apt to be infected with good-humour. He is the -most risible misanthrope I ever met with. A lucky joke, or any -ludicrous incident, will set him a-laughing immoderately, even in -one of his most gloomy paroxysms; and, when the laugh is over, he -will curse his own imbecility. In conversing with strangers, he -betrays no marks of disquiet -- He is splenetic with his familiars -only; and not even with them, while they keep his attention -employed; but when his spirits are not exerted externally, they -seem to recoil and prey upon himself -- He has renounced the waters -with execration; but he begins to find a more efficacious, and, -certainly, a much more palatable remedy in the pleasures of -society. He has discovered some old friends, among the invalids -of Bath; and, in particular, renewed his acquaintance with the -celebrated James Quin, who certainly did not come here to drink -water. You cannot doubt, but that I had the strongest curiosity -to know this original; and it was gratified by Mr Bramble, who -has had him twice at our house to dinner. - -So far as I am able to judge, Quin's character is rather more -respectable than it has been generally represented. His bon mots -are in every witling's mouth; but many of them have a rank -flavour, which one would be apt to think was derived from a -natural grossness of idea. I suspect, however, that justice has -not been done the author, by the collectors of those Quiniana; -who have let the best of them slip through their fingers, and -only retained such as were suited to the taste and organs of the -multitude. How far he may relax in his hours of jollity, I cannot -pretend to say; but his general conversation is conducted by the -nicest rules of Propriety; and Mr James Quin is, certainly, one -of the best bred men in the kingdom. He is not only a most -agreeable companion but (as I am credibly informed) a very honest -man; highly susceptible of friendship, warm, steady, and even -generous in his attachments, disdaining flattery, and incapable -of meanness and dissimulation. Were I to judge, however, from -Quin's eye alone, I should take him to be proud, insolent, and -cruel. There is something remarkably severe and forbidding in his -aspect; and, I have been told, he was ever disposed to insult his -inferiors and dependants. -- Perhaps that report has influenced my -opinion of his looks -- You know we are the fools of prejudice. -Howsoever that may be, I have as yet seen nothing but his -favourable side, and my uncle, who frequently confers with him, -in a corner, declares he is one of the most sensible men he ever -knew -- He seems to have a reciprocal regard for old Squaretoes, -whom he calls by the familiar name of Matthew, and often reminds -of their old tavern-adventures: on the other hand, Matthew's eyes -sparkle whenever Quin makes his appearance -- Let him be never so -jarring and discordant, Quin puts him in tune; and, like treble -and bass in the same concert, they make excellent music together --. -T'other day, the conversation turning upon Shakespeare, I could -not help saying, with some emotion, that I would give an hundred -guineas to see Mr Quin act the part of Falstaff; upon which, -turning to me with a smile, 'And I would give a thousand, young -gentleman (said he) that I could gratify your longing.' My uncle -and he are perfectly agreed in their estimate of life; which Quin -says, would stink in his nostrils, if he did not steep it in -claret. - -I want to see this phenomenon in his cups; and have almost -prevailed upon uncle to give him a small turtle at the Bear. In -the mean time, I must entertain you with an incident, that seems -to confirm the judgment of those two cynic philosophers. I took -the liberty to differ in opinion from Mr Bramble, when he -observed, that the mixture of people in the entertainments of -this place was destructive of all order and urbanity; that it -rendered the plebeians insufferably arrogant and troublesome, and -vulgarized the deportment and sentiments of those who moved in -the upper spheres of life. He said such a preposterous coalition -would bring us into contempt with all our neighbours; and was -worse, in fact, than debasing the gold coin of the nation. I -argued, on the contrary, that those plebeians who discovered such -eagerness to imitate the dress and equipage of their superiors, -would likewise, in time, adopt their maxims and their manners, be -polished by their conversation, and refined by their example; but -when I appealed to Mr Quin, and asked if he did not think that -such an unreserved mixture would improve the whole mass? 'Yes -(said he) as a plate of marmalade would improve a pan of -sirreverence.' - -I owned I was not much conversant in high-life, but I had seen -what were called polite assemblies in London and elsewhere; that -those of Bath seemed to be as decent as any; and that, upon the -whole, the individuals that composed it, would not be found -deficient in good manners and decorum. 'But let us have recourse -to experience (said I) -- Jack Holder, who was intended for a -parson, has succeeded to an estate of two thousand a year, by the -death of his elder brother. He is now at the Bath, driving about -in a phaeton and four, with French horns. He has treated with -turtle and claret at all the taverns in Bath and Bristol, till -his guests are gorged with good chear: he has bought a dozen -suits of fine clothes, by the advice of the Master of the -Ceremonies, under whose tuition he has entered himself. He has -lost hundreds at billiards to sharpers, and taken one of the -nymphs of Avon-street into keeping; but, finding all these -channels insufficient to drain him of his current cash, his -counsellor has engaged him to give a general tea-drinking to-morrow -at Wiltshire's room. In order to give it the more eclat, -every table is to be furnished with sweet-meats and nosegays; -which, however, are not to be touched till notice is given by the -ringing of a bell, and then the ladies may help themselves -without restriction. This will be no bad way of trying the -company's breeding.' - -'I will abide by that experiment (cried my uncle) and if I could -find a place to stand secure, without the vortex of the tumult, -which I know will ensue, I would certainly go thither and enjoy -the scene.' Quin proposed that we should take our station in the -music-gallery, and we took his advice. Holder had got thither -before us, with his horns perdue, but we were admitted. The tea-drinking -passed as usual, and the company having risen from the -tables, were sauntering in groupes, in expectation of the signal -for attack, when the bell beginning to ring, they flew with -eagerness to the dessert, and the whole place was instantly in -commotion. There was nothing but justling, scrambling, pulling, -snatching, struggling, scolding, and screaming. The nosegays were -torn from one another's hands and bosoms; the glasses and china -went to wreck; the tables and floors were strewed with comfits. -Some cried; some swore; and the tropes and figures of -Billingsgate were used without reserve in all their native zest -and flavour; nor were those flowers of rhetoric unattended with -significant gesticulation. Some snapped their fingers; some -forked them out; some clapped their hands, and some their back-sides; -at length, they fairly proceeded to pulling caps, and -every thing seemed to presage a general battle; when Holder -ordered his horns to sound a charge, with a view to animate the -combatants, and inflame the contest; but this manoeuvre produced -an effect quite contrary to what he expected. It was a note of -reproach that roused them to an immediate sense of their -disgraceful situation. They were ashamed of their absurd -deportment, and suddenly desisted. They gathered up their caps, -ruffles, and handkerchiefs; and great part of them retired in -silent mortification. - -Quin laughed at this adventure; but my uncle's delicacy was hurt. -He hung his head in manifest chagrin, and seemed to repine at the -triumph of his judgment -- Indeed, his victory was more complete -than he imagined; for, as we afterwards learned, the two amazons -who singularized themselves most in the action, did not come from -the purlieus of Puddle-dock, but from the courtly neighbourhood -of St James's palace. One was a baroness, and the other, a -wealthy knight's dowager -- My uncle spoke not a word, till we had -made our retreat good to the coffee-house; where, taking off his -hat and wiping his forehead, 'I bless God (said he) that Mrs -Tabitha Bramble did not take the field today!' 'I would pit her -for a cool hundred (cried Quin) against the best shake-bag of the -whole main.' The truth is, nothing could have kept her at home -but the accident of her having taken physic before she knew the -nature of the entertainment. She has been for some days -furbishing up an old suit of black velvet, to make her appearance -as Sir Ulic's partner at the next ball. - -I have much to say of this amiable kinswoman; but she has not -been properly introduced to your acquaintance. She is remarkably -civil to Mr Quin; of whose sarcastic humour she seems to stand in -awe; but her caution is no match for her impertinence. 'Mr Gwynn -(said she the other day) I was once vastly entertained with your -playing the Ghost of Gimlet at Drury-lane, when you rose up -through the stage, with a white face and red eyes, and spoke of -quails upon the frightful porcofine -- Do, pray, spout a little the -Ghost of Gimlet.' 'Madam (said Quin, with a glance of ineffable -disdain) the Ghost of Gimlet is laid, never to rise again' -- -Insensible of this check, she proceeded: 'Well, to be sure, you -looked and talked so like a real ghost; and then the cock crowed -so natural. I wonder how you could teach him to crow so exact, in -the very nick of time; but, I suppose, he's game -- An't he game, -Mr Gwynn?' 'Dunghill, madam.' -- 'Well, dunghill, or not dunghill, -he has got such a clear counter-tenor, that I wish I had such -another at Brambleton-hall, to wake the maids of a morning. Do -you know where I could find one of his brood?' 'Probably in the -work-house at St Giles's parish, madam; but I protest I know not -his particular mew!' My uncle, frying with vexation, cried, 'Good -God, sister, how you talk! I have told you twenty times, that -this gentleman's name is not Gwynn.' -- 'Hoity toity, brother mine -(she replied) no offence, I hope -- Gwynn is an honorable name, of -true old British extraction -- I thought the gentleman had been -come of Mrs Helen Gwynn, who was of his own profession; and if so -be that were the case, he might be of king Charles's breed, and -have royal blood in his veins.' -- 'No, madam (answered Quin, with -great solemnity) my mother was not a whore of such distinction -- -True it is, I am sometimes tempted to believe myself of royal -descent; for my inclinations are often arbitrary -- If I was an -absolute prince, at this instant, I believe I should send for the -head of your cook in a charger -- She has committed felony, on the -person of that John Dory, which is mangled in a cruel manner, and -even presented without sauce -- O tempora! O mores!' - -This good-humoured sally turned the conversation into a less -disagreeable channel -- But, lest you should think my scribble as -tedious as Mrs Tabby's clack, I shall not add another word, but -that I am as usual - -Yours, -J. MELFORD -BATH, April 30. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -I received your bill upon Wiltshire, which was punctually -honoured; but as I don't choose to keep so much cash by me, in a -common lodging house, I have deposited 250l. in the bank of Bath, -and shall take their bills for it in London, when I leave this -place, where the season draws to an end -- You must know, that now -being a-foot, I am resolved to give Liddy a glimpse of London. -She is one of the best hearted creatures I ever knew, and gains -upon my affection every day -- As for Tabby, I have dropt such -hints to the Irish baronet, concerning her fortune, as, I make no -doubt, will cool the ardour of his addresses. Then her pride will -take the alarm; and the rancour of stale maidenhood being chafed, -we shall hear nothing but slander and abuse of Sir Ulic -Mackilligut -- This rupture, I foresee, will facilitate our -departure from Bath; where, at present, Tabby seems to enjoy -herself with peculiar satisfaction. For my part, I detest it so -much, that I should not have been able to stay so long in the -place if I had not discovered some old friends; whose -conversation alleviates my disgust -- Going to the coffeehouse one -forenoon, I could not help contemplating the company, with equal -surprize and compassion -- We consisted of thirteen individuals; -seven lamed by the gout, rheumatism, or palsy; three maimed by -accident; and the rest either deaf or blind. One hobbled, another -hopped, a third dragged his legs after him like a wounded snake, -a fourth straddled betwixt a pair of long crutches, like the -mummy of a felon hanging in chains; a fifth was bent into a -horizontal position, like a mounted telescope, shoved in by a -couple of chairmen; and a sixth was the bust of a man, set -upright in a wheel machine, which the waiter moved from place to -place. - -Being struck with some of their faces, I consulted the -subscription-book; and, perceiving the names of several old -friends, began to consider the groupe with more attention. At -length I discovered rear-admiral Balderick, the companion of my -youth, whom I had not seen since he was appointed lieutenant of -the Severn. He was metamorphosed into an old man, with a wooden -leg and a weatherbeaten face, which appeared the more ancient -from his grey locks, that were truly venerable -- Sitting down at -the table, where he was reading a news-paper, I gazed at him for -some minutes, with a mixture of pleasure and regret, which made -my heart gush with tenderness; then, taking him by the hand, 'Ah, -Sam (said I) forty years ago I little thought' -- I was too much -moved to proceed. 'An old friend, sure enough! (cried he, -squeezing my hand, and surveying me eagerly through his glasses) -I know the looming of the vessel, though she has been hard -strained since we parted; but I can't heave up the name' -- The -moment I told him who I was, he exclaimed, 'Ha! Matt, my old -fellow cruizer, still afloat!' And, starting up, hugged me in his -arms. His transport, however, boded me no good; for, in saluting -me, he thrust the spring of his spectacles into my eye, and, at -the same time, set his wooden stump upon my gouty toe; an attack -that made me shed tears in sad earnest -- After the hurry of our -recognition was over, he pointed out two of our common friends in -the room: the bust was what remained of colonel Cockril, who had -lost the use of his limbs in making an American campaign; and the -telescope proved to be my college chum, sir Reginald Bently; who, -with his new title, and unexpected inheritance, commenced fox-hunter, -without having served his apprenticeship to the mystery; -and, in consequence of following the hounds through a river, was -seized with an inflammation of his bowels, which has contracted -him into his present attitude. - -Our former correspondence was forthwith renewed, with the most -hearty expressions of mutual good-will, and as we had met so -unexpectedly, we agreed to dine together that very day at the -tavern. My friend Quin, being luckily unengaged, obliged us with -his company; and, truly, this the most happy day I have passed -these twenty years. You and I, Lewis, having been always -together, never tasted friendship in this high gout, contracted -from long absence. I cannot express the half of what I felt at -this casual meeting of three or four companions, who had been so -long separated, and so roughly treated by the storms of life. It -was a renovation of youth; a kind of resuscitation of the dead, -that realized those interesting dreams, in which we sometimes -retrieve our ancient friends from the grave. Perhaps my enjoyment -was not the less pleasing for being mixed with a strain of -melancholy, produced by the remembrance of past scenes, that -conjured up the ideas of some endearing connexions, which the -hand of Death has actually dissolved. - -The spirits and good humour of the company seemed to triumph over -the wreck of their constitutions. They had even philosophy enough -to joke upon their own calamities; such is the power of -friendship, the sovereign cordial of life -- I afterwards found, -however, that they were not without their moments, and even hours -of disquiet. Each of them apart, in succeeding conferences, -expatiated upon his own particular grievances; and they were all -malcontents at bottom -- Over and above their personal disasters, -they thought themselves unfortunate in the lottery of life. -Balderick complained, that all the recompence he had received for -his long and hard service, was the half-pay of a rear-admiral. -The colonel was mortified to see himself over-topped by upstart -generals, some of whom he had once commanded; and, being a man of -a liberal turn, could ill put up with a moderate annuity, for -which he had sold his commission. As for the baronet, having run -himself considerably in debt, on a contested election, he has -been obliged to relinquish his seat in parliament, and his seat -in the country at the same time, and put his estate to nurse; but -his chagrin, which is the effect of his own misconduct, does not -affect me half so much as that of the other two, who have acted -honourable and distinguished parts on the great theatre, and are -now reduced to lead a weary life in this stew-pan of idleness and -insignificance. They have long left off using the waters, after -having experienced their inefficacy. The diversions of the place -they are not in a condition to enjoy. How then do they make shift -to pass their time? In the forenoon they crawl out to the Rooms -or the coffeehouse, where they take a hand at whist, or descant -upon the General Advertiser; and their evenings they murder in -private parties, among peevish invalids, and insipid old women -- -This is the case with a good number of individuals, whom nature -seems to have intended for better purposes. - -About a dozen years ago, many decent families, restricted to -small fortunes, besides those that came hither on the score of -health, were tempted to settle at Bath, where they could then -live comfortably, and even make a genteel appearance, at a small -expence: but the madness of the times has made the place too hot -for them, and they are now obliged to think of other migrations -- -Some have already fled to the mountains of Wales, and others have -retired to Exeter. Thither, no doubt, they will be followed by -the flood of luxury and extravagance, which will drive them from -place to place to the very Land's End; and there, I suppose, they -will be obliged to ship themselves to some other country. Bath is -become a mere sink of profligacy and extortion. Every article of -house-keeping is raised to an enormous price; a circumstance no -longer to be wondered at, when we know that every petty retainer -of fortune piques himself upon keeping a table, and thinks it is -for the honour of his character to wink at the knavery of his -servants, who are in a confederacy with the market-people; and, -of consequence, pay whatever they demand. Here is now a mushroom -of opulence, who pays a cook seventy guineas a week for -furnishing him with one meal a day. This portentous frenzy is -become so contagious, that the very rabble and refuse of mankind -are infected. I have known a negro-driver, from Jamaica, pay -over-night, to the master of one of the rooms, sixty-five guineas -for tea and coffee to the company, and leave Bath next morning, -in such obscurity, that not one of his guests had the slightest -idea of his person, or even made the least inquiry about his -name. Incidents of this kind are frequent; and every day teems -with fresh absurdities, which are too gross to make a thinking -man merry. - --- But I feel the spleen creeping on me apace; and therefore will -indulge you with a cessation, that you may have no unnecessary -cause to curse your correspondence with, - -Dear Dick, -Yours ever, -MAT. BRAMBLE -BATH, May 5. - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -I wrote you at great length by the post, the twenty-sixth of last -month, to which I refer you for an account of our proceedings at -Bath; and I expect your answer with impatience. But, having this -opportunity of a private hand, I send you two dozen of Bath -rings; six of the best of which I desire you will keep for -yourself, and distribute the rest among the young ladies, our -common friends, as you shall think proper -- I don't know how you -will approve of the mottoes; some of them are not much to my own -liking; but I was obliged to take such as I could find ready -manufactured -- I am vexed, that neither you nor I have received -any further information of a certain person -- Sure it cannot be -wilful neglect! -- O my dear Willis! I begin to be visited by -strange fancies, and to have some melancholy doubts; which, -however, it would be ungenerous to harbour without further -inquiry -- My uncle, who has made me a present of a very fine set -of garnets, talks of treating us with a jaunt to London; which, -you may imagine, will be highly agreeable; but I like Bath so -well, that I hope he won't think of leaving it till the season is -quite over; and yet, betwixt friends, something has happened to -my aunt, which will probably shorten our stay in this place. - -Yesterday, in the forenoon, she went by herself to a breakfasting -in one of the rooms; and, in half an hour, returned in great -agitation, having Chowder along with her in the chair. I believe -some accident must have happened to that unlucky animal, which is -the great source of all her troubles. Dear Letty! what a pity it -is, that a woman of her years and discretion, should place her -affection upon such an ugly, ill-conditioned cur, that snarls and -snaps at every body. I asked John Thomas, the footman who -attended her, what was the matter? and he did nothing but grin. A -famous dog-doctor was sent for, and undertook to cure the -patient, provided he might carry him home to his own house; but -his mistress would not part with him out of her own sight -- She -ordered the cook to warm cloths, which she applied to his bowels, -with her own hand. She gave up all thoughts of going to the ball -in the evening; and when Sir Ulic came to drink tea, refused to -be seen; so that he went away to look for another partner. My -brother Jery whistles and dances. My uncle sometimes shrugs up -his shoulders, and sometimes bursts out a-laughing. My aunt sobs -and scolds by turns; and her woman, Win. Jenkins, stares and -wonders with a foolish face of curiosity; and, for my part, I am -as curious as she, but ashamed to ask questions. - -Perhaps time will discover the mystery; for if it was any thing -that happened in the Rooms, it cannot be long concealed -- All I -know is, that last night at supper, miss Bramble spoke very -disdainfully of Sir Ulic Mackilligut, and asked her brother if he -intended to keep us sweltering all the summer at Bath? 'No, -sister Tabitha (said he, with an arch smile) we shall retreat -before the Dog-days begin; though I make no doubt, that with a -little temperance and discretion, our constitutions might be kept -cool enough all the year, even at Bath.' As I don't know the -meaning of this insinuation, I won't pretend to make any remarks -upon it at present: hereafter, perhaps, I may be able to explain -it more to your satisfaction -- In the mean time, I beg you will be -punctual in your correspondence, and continue to love your ever -faithful - -LYDIA MELFORD -BATH, May 6. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -So then Mrs Blackerby's affair has proved a false alarm, and I -have saved my money? I wish, however, her declaration had not -been so premature; for though my being thought capable of making -her a mother, might have given me some credit, the reputation of -an intrigue with such a cracked pitcher does me no honour at all -In my last I told you I had hopes of seeing Quin, in his hours of -elevation at the tavern which is the temple of mirth and good -fellowship; where he, as priest of Comus, utters the inspirations -of wit and humour -- I have had that satisfaction. I have dined -with his club at the Three Tuns, and had the honour to sit him -out. At half an hour past eight in the evening, he was carried -home with six good bottles of claret under his belt; and it being -then Friday, he gave orders that he should not be disturbed till -Sunday at noon -- You must not imagine that this dose had any other -effect upon his conversation, but that of making it more -extravagantly entertaining -- He had lost the use of his limbs, -indeed, several hours before we parted, but he retained all his -other faculties in perfection; and as he gave vent to every -whimsical idea as it rose, I was really astonished at the -brilliancy of his thoughts, and the force of his expression. Quin -is a real voluptuary in the articles of eating and drinking; and -so confirmed an epicure, in the common acceptation of the term, -that he cannot put up with ordinary fare. This is a point of such -importance with him, that he always takes upon himself the charge -of catering; and a man admitted to his mess, is always sure of -eating delicate victuals, and drinking excellent wine -- He owns -himself addicted to the delights of the stomach, and often jokes -upon his own sensuality; but there is nothing selfish in this -appetite -- He finds that good chear unites good company, -exhilerates the spirits, opens the heart, banishes all restraint -from conversation, and promotes the happiest purposes of social -life. But Mr James Quin is not a subject to be discussed in the -compass of one letter; I shall therefore, at present, leave him -to his repose, and call another of a very different complexion. - -You desire to have further acquaintance with the person of our -aunt, and promise yourself much entertainment from her connexion -with Sir Ulic Mackilligut: but in this hope you are baulked -already; that connexion is dissolved. The Irish baronet is an old -hound, that, finding her carrion, has quitted the scent -- I have -already told you, that Mrs Tabitha Bramble is a maiden of forty-five. -In her person, she is tall, raw-boned, aukward, flat-chested, -and stooping; her complexion is sallow and freckled; her -eyes are not grey, but greenish, like those of a cat, and -generally inflamed; her hair is of a sandy, or rather dusty hue; -her forehead low; her nose long, sharp, and, towards the -extremity, always red in cool weather; her lips skinny, her mouth -extensive, her teeth straggling and loose, of various colours and -conformation; and her long neck shrivelled into a thousand -wrinkles -- In her temper, she is proud, stiff, vain, imperious, -prying, malicious, greedy, and uncharitable. In all likelihood, -her natural austerity has been soured by disappointment in love; -for her long celibacy is by no means owing to her dislike of -matrimony: on the contrary, she has left no stone unturned to -avoid the reproachful epithet of old maid. - -Before I was born, she had gone such lengths in the way of -flirting with a recruiting officer, that her reputation was a -little singed. She afterwards made advances to the curate of the -parish, who dropped some distant hints about the next -presentation to the living, which was in her brother's gift; but -finding that was already promised to another, he flew off at a -tangent; and Mrs Tabby, in revenge, found means to deprive him of -his cure. Her next lover was lieutenant of a man of war, a -relation of the family, who did not understand the refinements of -the passion, and expressed no aversion to grapple with cousin -Tabby in the way of marriage; but before matters could be -properly adjusted, he went out on a cruise, and was killed in an -engagement with a French frigate. Our aunt, though baffled so -often, did not yet despair. She layed all her snares for Dr Lewis, -who is the fidus Achates of my uncle. She even fell sick upon the -occasion, and prevailed with Matt to interpose in her behalf with -his friend; but the Doctor, being a shy cock, would not be caught -with chaff, and flatly rejected the proposal: so that Mrs Tabitha -was content to exert her patience once more, after having -endeavoured in vain to effect a rupture betwixt the two friends; -and now she thinks proper to be very civil to Lewis, who is -become necessary to her in the way of his profession. - -These, however, are not the only efforts she has made towards a -nearer conjunction with our sex. Her fortune was originally no -more than a thousand pounds; but she gained an accession of five -hundred by the death of a sister, and the lieutenant left her -three hundred in his will. These sums she has more than doubled, -by living free of all expence, in her brother's house; and -dealing in cheese and Welsh flannel, the produce of his flocks -and dairy. At present her capital is increased to about four -thousand pounds; and her avarice seems to grow every day more and -more rapacious: but even this is not so intolerable as the -perverseness of her nature, which keeps the whole family in -disquiet and uproar. She is one of those geniuses who find some -diabolical enjoyment in being dreaded and detested by their -fellow-creatures. - -I once told my uncle, I was surprised that a man of his -disposition could bear such a domestic plague, when it could be -so easily removed. The remark made him sore, because it seemed to -tax him with want of resolution -- Wrinkling up his nose, and -drawing down his eye-brows, 'A young fellow (said he) when he -first thrusts his snout into the world, is apt to be surprised at -many things which a man of experience knows to be ordinary and -unavoidable -- This precious aunt of yours is become insensibly a -part of my constitution -- Damn her! She's a noli me tangere in my -flesh, which I cannot bear to be touched or tampered with.' I made no -reply; but shifted the conversation. He really has an affection -for this original; which maintains its ground in defiance of -common sense, and in despite of that contempt which he must -certainly feel for her character and understanding. Nay, I am -convinced, that she has likewise a most virulent attachment to -his person; though her love never shews itself but in the shape -of discontent; and she persists in tormenting him out of pure -tenderness -- The only object within doors upon which she bestows -any marks of affection, in the usual stile, is her dog Chowder; a -filthy cur from Newfoundland, which she had in a present from the -wife of a skipper in Swansey. One would imagine she had -distinguished this beast with her favour on account of his -ugliness and ill-nature, if it was not, indeed, an instinctive -sympathy, between his disposition and her own. Certain it is, she -caresses him without ceasing; and even harasses the family in the -service of this cursed animal, which, indeed, has proved the -proximate cause of her breach with Sir Ulic Mackilligut. - -You must know, she yesterday wanted to steal a march of poor -Liddy, and went to breakfast in the Room without any other -companion than her dog, in expectation of meeting with the -Baronet, who had agreed to dance with her in the evening -- Chowder -no sooner made his appearance in the Room, than the Master of the -Ceremonies, incensed at his presumption, ran up to drive him -away, and threatened him with his foot; but the other seemed to -despise his authority, and displaying a formidable case of long, -white, sharp teeth, kept the puny monarch at bay -- While he stood -under some trepidation, fronting his antagonist, and bawling to -the waiter, Sir Ulic Mackilligut came to his assistance; and -seeming ignorant of the connexion between this intruder and his -mistress, gave the former such a kick in the jaws, as sent him -howling to the door -- Mrs Tabitha, incensed at this outrage, ran -after him, squalling in a tone equally disagreeable; while the -Baronet followed her on one side, making apologies for his -mistake; and Derrick on the other, making remonstrances upon the -rules and regulations of the place. - -Far from being satisfied with the Knight's excuses, she said she -was sure he was no gentleman; and when the Master of the -Ceremonies offered to hand her into the chair, she rapped him -over the knuckles with her fan. My uncle's footman being still at -the door, she and Chowder got into the same vehicle, and were -carried off amidst the jokes of the chairmen and other populace -- -I had been riding out on Clerkendown, and happened to enter just -as the fracas was over -- The Baronet, coming up to me with an -affected air of chagrin, recounted the adventure; at which I -laughed heartily, and then his countenance cleared up. 'My dear -soul (said he) when I saw a sort of a wild baist, snarling with -open mouth at the Master of the Ceremonies, like the red cow -going to devour Tom Thumb, I could do no less than go to the -assistance of the little man; but I never dreamt the baist was -one of Mrs Bramble's attendants -- O! if I had, he might have made -his breakfast upon Derrick and welcome -- But you know, my dear -friend, how natural it is for us Irishmen to blunder, and to take -the wrong sow by the ear -- However, I will confess judgment, and -cry her mercy; and it is to be hoped, a penitent sinner may be -forgiven.' I told him, that as the offence was not voluntary of -his side, it was to be hoped he would not find her implacable. - -But, in truth, all this concern was dissembled. In his approaches -of gallantry to Mrs Tabitha, he had been misled by a mistake of -at least six thousand pounds, in the calculation of her fortune; -and in this particular he was just undeceived. He, therefore, -seized the first opportunity of incurring her displeasure -decently, in such a manner as would certainly annihilate the -correspondence; and he could not have taken a more effectual -method, than that of beating her dog. When he presented himself -at our door, to pay his respects to the offended fair, he was -refused admittance, and given to understand that he should never -find her at home for the future. She was not so inaccessible to -Derrick, who came to demand satisfaction for the insult she had -offered to him, even in the verge of his own court. She knew it -was convenient to be well with the Master of the Ceremonies, -while she continued to frequent the Rooms; and, having heard he -was a poet, began to be afraid of making her appearance in a -ballad or lampoon. -- She therefore made excuses for what she had -done, imputing it to the flutter of her spirits; and subscribed -handsomely for his poems: so that he was perfectly appeased, and -overwhelmed her with a profusion of -compliment. He even solicited a reconciliation with Chowder; -which, however, the latter declined; and he declared, that if he -could find a precedent in the annals of the Bath, which he would -carefully examine for that purpose, her favourite should be -admitted to the next public breakfasting -- But, I, believe, she -will not expose herself or him to the risque of a second -disgrace -- Who will supply the place of Mackilligut in her -affections, I cannot foresee; but nothing in the shape of man can -come amiss. Though she is a violent church-woman, of the most -intolerant zeal, I believe in my conscience she would have no -objection, at present, to treat on the score of matrimony with an -Anabaptist, Quaker, or Jew; and even ratify the treaty at the -expense of her own conversion. But, perhaps, I think too hardly -of this kinswoman; who, I must own, is very little beholden to -the good opinion of - -Yours, -J. MELFORD -BATH, May 6. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -You ask me, why I don't take the air a-horseback, during this -fine weather? -- In which of the avenues of this paradise would you -have me take that exercise? Shall I commit myself to the high-roads -of London or Bristol, to be stifled with dust, or pressed -to death in the midst of post-chaises, flying-machines, waggons, -and coal-horses; besides the troops of fine gentlemen that take -to the highway, to shew their horsemanship; and the coaches of -fine ladies, who go thither to shew their equipages? Shall I -attempt the Downs, and fatigue myself to death in climbing up an -eternal ascent, without any hopes of reaching the summit? Know -then, I have made divers desperate leaps at those upper regions; -but always fell backward into this vapour-pit, exhausted and -dispirited by those ineffectual efforts; and here we poor -valetudinarians pant and struggle, like so many Chinese gudgeons, -gasping in the bottom of a punch-bowl. By Heaven it is a kind of -enchantment! If I do not speedily break the spell, and escape, I -may chance to give up the ghost in this nauseous stew of -corruption -- It was but two nights ago, that I had like to have -made my public exit, at a minute's warning. One of my greatest -weaknesses is that of suffering myself to be over-ruled by the -opinion of people, whose judgment I despise -- I own, with shame -and confusion of face, that importunity of any kind I cannot -resist. This want of courage and constancy is an original flaw in -my nature, which you must have often observed with compassion, if -not with contempt. I am afraid some of our boasted virtues maybe -traced up to this defect. - -Without further preamble, I was persuaded to go to a ball, on -purpose to see Liddy dance a minuet with a young petulant -jackanapes, the only son of a wealthy undertaker from London, -whose mother lodges in our neighbourhood, and has contracted an -acquaintance with Tabby. I sat a couple of long hours, half -stifled, in the midst of a noisome crowd; and could not help -wondering that so many hundreds of those that rank as rational -creatures, could find entertainment in seeing a succession of -insipid animals, describing the same dull figure for a whole -evening, on an area, not much bigger than a taylor's shop-board. -If there had been any beauty, grace, activity, magnificent dress, -or variety of any kind howsoever absurd, to engage the attention, -and amuse the fancy, I should not have been surprised; but there -was no such object: it was a tiresome repetition of the same -languid, frivolous scene, performed by actors that seemed to -sleep in all their motions. The continual swimming of these -phantoms before my eyes, gave me a swimming of the head; which -was also affected by the fouled air, circulating through such a -number of rotten human bellows. I therefore retreated towards the -door, and stood in the passage to the next room, talking to my -friend Quin; when an end being put to the minuets, the benches -were removed to make way for the country-dances; and the -multitude rising at once, the whole atmosphere was put in -commotion. Then, all of a sudden, came rushing upon me an -Egyptian gale, so impregnated with pestilential vapours, that my -nerves were overpowered, and I dropt senseless upon the floor. - -You may easily conceive what a clamour and confusion this -accident must have produced, in such an assembly -- I soon -recovered, however, and found myself in an easy chair, supported -by my own people -- Sister Tabby, in her great tenderness, had put -me to the torture, squeezing my hand under her arm, and stuffing -my nose with spirit of hartshorn, till the whole inside was -excoriated. I no sooner got home, than I sent for Doctor Ch--, -who assured me I needed not be alarmed, for my swooning was -entirely occasioned by an accidental impression of fetid effluvia -upon nerves of uncommon sensibility. I know not how other -people's nerves are constructed; but one would imagine they must -be made of very coarse materials, to stand the shock of such a -torrid assault. It was, indeed, a compound of villainous smells, -in which the most violent stinks, and the most powerful perfumes, -contended for the mastery. Imagine to yourself a high exalted -essence of mingled odours, arising from putrid gums, -imposthumated lungs, sour flatulencies, rank armpits, sweating -feet, running sores and issues, plasters, ointments, and -embrocations, hungary-water, spirit of lavender, assafoetida -drops, musk, hartshorn, and sal volatile; besides a thousand -frowzy steams, which I could not analyse. Such, O Dick! is the -fragrant aether we breathe in the polite assemblies of Bath -- Such -is the atmosphere I have exchanged for the pure, elastic, -animating air of the Welsh mountains -- O Rus, quando te aspiciam!- --- I wonder what the devil possessed me -- - -But few words are best: I have taken my resolution -- You may well -suppose I don't intend to entertain the company with a second -exhibition -- I have promised, in an evil hour, to proceed to -London, and that promise shall be performed, but my stay in the -metropolis shall be brief. I have, for the benefit of my health, -projected an expedition to the North, which, I hope, will afford -some agreeable pastime. I have never travelled farther that way -than Scarborough; and, I think, it is a reproach upon me, as a -British freeholder, to have lived so long without making an -excursion to the other side of the Tweed. Besides, I have some -relations settled in Yorkshire, to whom it may not be improper to -introduce my nephew and his sister -- At present, I have nothing to -add, but that Tabby is happily disentangled from the Irish -Baronet; and that I will not fail to make you acquainted, from -time to time, with the sequel of our adventures: a mark of -consideration, which, perhaps, you would willingly dispense with -in - -Your humble servant, -M. BRAMBLE -BATH, May 8. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -A few days ago we were terribly alarmed by my uncle's fainting at -the ball -- He has been ever since cursing his own folly, for going -thither at the request of an impertinent woman. He declares, he -will sooner visit a house infected with the plague, than trust -himself in such a nauseous spital for the future, for he swears -the accident was occasioned by the stench of the crowd; and that -he would never desire a stronger proof of our being made of very -gross materials, than our having withstood the annoyance, by -which he was so much discomposed. For my part, I am very thankful -for the coarseness of my organs, being in no danger of ever -falling a sacrifice to the delicacy of my nose. Mr Bramble is -extravagantly delicate in all his sensations, both of soul and -body. I was informed by Dr Lewis, that he once fought a duel with -an officer of the horseguards, for turning aside to the Park-wall, -on a necessary occasion, when he was passing with a lady -under his protection. His blood rises at every instance of -insolence and cruelty, even where he himself is no way concerned; -and ingratitude makes his teeth chatter. On the other hand, the -recital of a generous, humane, or grateful action, never fails to -draw from him tears of approbation, which he is often greatly -distressed to conceal. - -Yesterday, one Paunceford gave tea, on particular invitation -- -This man, after having been long buffetted by adversity, went -abroad; and Fortune, resolved to make him amends for her former -coyness, set him all at once up to the very ears in affluence. He -has now emerged from obscurity, and blazes out in all the tinsel -of the times. I don't find that he is charged with any practices -that the law deems dishonest, or that his wealth has made him -arrogant and inaccessible; on the contrary, he takes great pains -to appear affable and gracious. But, they say, he is remarkable -for shrinking from his former friendships, which were generally -too plain and home-spun to appear amidst his present brilliant -connexions; and that he seems uneasy at sight of some old -benefactors, whom a man of honour would take pleasure to -acknowledge -- Be that as it may, he had so effectually engaged the -company at Bath, that when I went with my uncle to the -coffeehouse in the evening, there was not a soul in the room but -one person, seemingly in years, who sat by the fire, reading one -of the papers. Mr Bramble, taking his station close by him, -'There is such a crowd and confusion of chairs in the passage to -Simpson's (said he) that we could hardly get along -- I wish those -minions of fortune would fall upon more laudable ways of spending -their money. -- I suppose, Sir, you like this kind of entertainment -as little as I do?' 'I cannot say I have any great relish for -such entertainments,' answered the other, without taking his eyes -off the paper -- 'Mr Serle (resumed my uncle) I beg pardon for -interrupting you; but I can't resist the curiosity I have to know -if you received a card on this occasion?' - -The man seemed surprised at this address, and made some pause, as -doubtful what answer he should make. 'I know my curiosity is -impertinent (added my uncle) but I have a particular reason for -asking the favour.' 'If that be the case (replied Mr Serle) I -shall gratify you without hesitation, by owning that I have had -no card. But, give me leave, Sir, to ask in my turn, what reason -you think I have to expect such an invitation from the gentleman -who gives tea?' 'I have my own reasons (cried Mr Bramble, with -some emotion) and am convinced, more than ever, that this -Paunceford is a contemptible fellow.' 'Sir (said the other, -laying down the paper) I have not the honour to know you; but -your discourse is a little mysterious, and seems to require some -explanation. The person you are pleased to treat so cavalierly, -is a gentleman of some consequence in the community; and, for -aught you know, I may also have my particular reasons for -defending his character' -- 'If I was not convinced of the contrary -(observed the other) I should not have gone so far' -- 'Let me tell -you, Sir (said the stranger, raising his voice) you have gone too -far, in hazarding such reflections'. - -Here he was interrupted by my uncle; who asked peevishly if he -was Don Quixote enough, at this time of day, to throw down his -gauntlet as champion for a man who had treated him with such -ungrateful neglect. 'For my part (added he) I shall never quarrel -with you again upon this subject; and what I have said now, has -been suggested as much by my regard for you, as by my contempt of -him' -- Mr Serle, then pulling off his spectacles, eyed uncle very -earnestly, saying, in a mitigated tone, 'Surely I am much -obliged -- Ah, Mr Bramble! I now recollect your features, though I -have not seen you these many years.' 'We might have been less -strangers to one another (answered the squire) if our -correspondence had not been interrupted, in consequence of a -misunderstanding, occasioned by this very --, but no matter -- Mr -Serle, I esteem your character; and my friendship, such as it is, -you may freely command.' 'The offer is too agreeable to be -declined (said he); I embrace it very cordially; and, as the -first fruits of it, request that you will change this subject, -which, with me, is a matter of peculiar delicacy.' - -My uncle owned he was in the right, and the discourse took a more -general turn. Mr Serle passed the evening with us at our -lodgings; and appeared to be intelligent, and even entertaining; -but his disposition was rather of a melancholy hue. My uncle says -he is a man of uncommon parts, and unquestioned probity: that his -fortune, which was originally small, has been greatly hurt by a -romantic spirit of generosity, which he has often displayed, even -at the expence of his discretion, in favour of worthless -individuals -- That he had rescued Paunceford from the lowest -distress, when he was bankrupt, both in means and reputation -- -That he had espoused his interests with a degree of enthusiasm, -broke with several friends, and even drawn his sword against my -uncle, who had particular reasons for questioning the moral -character of the said Paunceford: that, without Serle's -countenance and assistance, the other never could have embraced -the opportunity, which has raised him to this pinnacle of wealth: -that Paunceford, in the first transports of his success, had -written, from abroad, letters to different correspondents, owning -his obligations to Mr Serle, in the warmest terms of -acknowledgement, and declared he considered himself only as a -factor for the occasions of his best friend: that, without doubt, -he had made declarations of the same nature to his benefactor -himself, though this last was always silent and reserved on the -subject; but for some years, those tropes and figures of rhetoric -had been disused; that, upon his return to England, he had been -lavish in his caresses to Mr Serle, invited him to his house, and -pressed him to make it his own: that he had overwhelmed him with -general professions, and affected to express the warmest regard -for him, in company of their common acquaintance; so that every -body believed his gratitude was liberal as his fortune; and some -went so far as to congratulate Mr Serle on both. - -All this time Paunceford carefully and artfully avoided -particular discussions with his old patron, who had too much -spirit to drop the most distant hint of balancing the account of -obligation: that, nevertheless, a man of his feelings could not -but resent this shocking return for all his kindness: and, -therefore, he withdrew himself from the connexion, without coming -to the least explanation or speaking a syllable on the subject to -any living soul; so that now their correspondence is reduced to a -slight salute with the hat, when they chance to meet in any -public place; an accident that rarely happens, for their walks -lie different ways. Mr Paunceford lives in a palace, feeds upon -dainties, is arrayed in sumptuous apparel, appears in all the -pomp of equipage, and passes his time among the nobles of the -land. Serle lodges in Stall-street, up two pair of stairs -backwards, walks a-foot in a Bath-rug, eats for twelve shillings -a-week, and drinks water as preservative against the gout and -gravel -- Mark the vicissitude. Paunceford once resided in a -garret; where he subsisted upon sheep's-trotters and cow-heel, -from which commons he was translated to the table of Serle, that -ever abounded with good-chear; until want of economy and -retention reduced him to a slender annuity in his decline of -years, that scarce affords the bare necessaries of life. -- -Paunceford, however, does him the honour to speak of him still, -with uncommon regard; and to declare what pleasure it would give -him to contribute in any shape to his convenience: 'But you know -(he never fails to add) he's a shy kind of a man -- And then such a -perfect philosopher, that he looks upon all superfluities with -the most sovereign -contempt. Having given you this sketch of squire Paunceford, I -need not make any comment on his character, but leave it at the -mercy of your own reflection; from which I dare say, it will meet -with as little quarter as it has found with - -Yours always, -J. MELFORD -BATH, May 10. - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MOLLY, - -We are all upon the ving -- Hey for London, girl! -- Fecks! we have -been long enough here; for we're all turned tipsy turvy -- Mistress -has excarded Sir Ulic for kicking of Chowder; and I have sent O -Frizzle away, with a flea in his ear -- I've shewn him how little I -minded his tinsy and his long tail -- A fellor, who would think for -to go, for to offer, to take up with a dirty trollop under my -nose -- I ketched him in the very feet, coming out of the -housemaids garret. -- But I have gi'en the dirty slut a siserary. O -Molly! the sarvants at Bath are devils in garnet. They lite the -candle at both ends -- Here's nothing but ginketting, and wasting, -and thieving and tricking, and trigging; and then they are never -content -- They won't suffer the 'squire and mistress to stay any -longer; because they have been already above three weeks in the -house; and they look for a couple of ginneys a-piece at our going -away; and this is a parquisite they expect every month in the -season; being as how no family has a right to stay longer than -four weeks in the same lodgings; and so the cuck swears she will -pin the dish-clout to mistress's tail; and the house-maid vows, -she'll put cowitch in master's bed, if so be he don't discamp -without furder ado -- I don't blame them for making the most of -their market, in the way of vails and parquisites; and I defy the -devil to say I am a tail-carrier, or ever brought a poor sarvant -into trouble -- But then they oft to have some conscience, in -vronging those that be sarvants like themselves -- For you must no, -Molly, I missed three-quarters of blond lace, and a remnant of -muslin, and my silver thimble; which was the gift of true love; -they were all in my workbasket, that I left upon the table in the -sarvants-hall, when mistresses bell rung; but if they had been -under lock and kay, 'twould have been all the same; for there are -double keys to all the locks in Bath; and they say as how the -very teeth an't safe in your head, if you sleep with your mouth -open -- And so says I to myself, them things could not go without -hands; and so I'll watch their waters: and so I did with a -vitness; for then it was I found Bett consarned with O Frizzle. -And as the cuck had thrown her -slush at me, because I had taken part with Chowder, when he fit, -with the turnspit, I resolved to make a clear kitchen, and throw -some of her fat into the fire. I ketched the chare-woman going -out with her load in the morning, before she thought I was up, -and brought her to mistress with her whole cargo -- Marry, what -do'st think she had got in the name of God? Her buckets were -foaming full of our best bear, and her lap was stuffed with a -cold tongue, part of a buttock of beef, half a turkey, and a -swinging lump of butter, and the matter of ten mould kandles, -that had scarce ever been lit. The cuck brazened it out, and said -it was her rite to rummage the pantry; and she was ready for to -go before the mare: that he had been her potticary many years, -and would never think of hurting a poor sarvant, for giving away -the scraps of the kitchen. I went another way to work with madam -Betty, because she had been saucy, and called me skandelus names; -and said O Frizzle couldn't abide me, and twenty other odorous -falsehoods. I got a varrant from the mare, and her box being -sarched by the constable, my things came out sure enuff; besides -a full pound of vax candles, and a nite-cap of mistress, that I -could sware to on my cruperal oaf -- O! then madam Mopstick came -upon her merry bones; and as the squire wouldn't hare of a -pursecution, she scaped a skewering: but the longest day she has -to live, she'll remember your - -Humble sarvant, -W. JENKINS -BATH, May 15. - -If the hind should come again, before we be gone, pray send me -the shift and apron, with the vite gallow manky shoes; which -you'll find in my pillowber -- Sarvice to Saul -- - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -You are in the right, dear Phillips; I don't expect regular -answers to every letter -- I know a college-life is too -circumscribed to afford materials for such quick returns of -communication. For my part, I am continually shifting the scene, -and surrounded with new objects; some of which are striking -enough. I shall therefore conclude my journal for your amusement; -and, though, in all appearance, it will not treat of very -important or interesting particulars, it may prove, perhaps, not -altogether uninstructive and unentertaining. - -The music and entertainments of Bath are over for this season; -and all our gay birds of passage have taken their flight to -Bristolwell, Tunbridge, Brighthelmstone, Scarborough, Harrowgate, -&c. Not a soul is seen in this place, but a few broken-winded -parsons, waddling like so many crows along the North Parade. -There is always a great shew of the clergy at Bath: none of your -thin, puny, yellow, hectic figures, exhausted with abstinence, -and hardy study, labouring under the morbi eruditorum, but great -overgrown dignitaries and rectors, with rubicund noses and gouty -ancles, or broad bloated faces, dragging along great swag -bellies; the emblems of sloth and indigestion. - -Now we are upon the subject of parsons, I must tell you a -ludicrous adventure, which was achieved the other day by Tom -Eastgate, whom you may remember on the foundation of Queen's. He -had been very assiduous to pin himself upon George Prankley, who -was a gentleman-commoner of Christchurch, knowing the said -Prankley was heir to a considerable estate, and would have the -advowson of a good living, the incumbent of which was very old -and infirm. He studied his passions, and flattered them so -effectually, as to become his companion and counsellor; and, at -last, obtained of him a promise of the presentation, when the -living should fall. Prankley, on his uncle's death, quitted -Oxford, and made his first appearance in the fashionable world at -London; from whence he came lately to Bath, where he has been -exhibiting himself among the bucks and gamesters of the place. -Eastgate followed him hither; but he should not have quitted him -for a moment, at his first emerging into life. He ought to have -known he was a fantastic, foolish, fickle fellow, who would -forget his college-attachments the moment they ceased appealing -to his senses. Tom met with a cold reception from his old friend; -and was, moreover, informed, that he had promised the living to -another man, who had a vote in the county, where he proposed to -offer himself a candidate at the next general election. He now -remembered nothing of Eastgate, but the freedoms he had used to -take with him, while Tom had quietly stood his butt, with an eye -to the benefice; and those freedoms he began to repeat in common-place -sarcasms on his person and his cloth, which he uttered in -the public coffeehouse, for the entertainment of the company. But -he was egregiously mistaken in giving his own wit credit for that -tameness of Eastgate, which had been entirely owing to prudential -considerations. These being now removed, he retorted his repartee -with interest, and found no great difficulty in turning the laugh -upon the aggressor; who, losing his temper, called him names, and -asked, If he knew whom he talked to? After much altercation, -Prankley, shaking his cane, bid him hold his tongue, otherwise he -could dust his cassock for him. 'I have no pretensions to such a -valet (said Tom) but if you should do me that office, and -overheat yourself, I have here a good oaken towel at your -service.' - -Prankley was equally incensed and confounded at this reply. After -a moment's pause, he took him aside towards die window; and, -pointing to the clump of firs, on Clerken-down, asked in a -whisper, if he had spirit enough to meet him there, with a case -of pistols, at six o'clock tomorrow morning. Eastgate answered in -the affirmative; and, with a steady countenance, assured him, he -would not fail to give him the rendezvous at the hour he -mentioned. So saying, he retired; and the challenger stayed some -time in manifest agitation. In the morning, Eastgate, who knew -his man, and had taken his resolution, went to Prankley's -lodgings, and roused him by five o'clock. - -The squire, in all probability, cursed his punctuality in his -heart, but he affected to talk big; and having prepared his -artillery overnight, they crossed the water at the end of the -South Parade. In their progress up the hill, Prankley often eyed -the parson, in hopes of perceiving some reluctance in his -countenance; but as no such marks appeared, he attempted to -intimidate him by word of mouth. 'If these flints do their office -(said he) I'll do thy business in a few minutes.' 'I desire you -will do your best (replied the other); for my part, I come not -here to trifle. Our lives are in the hands of God; and one of us -already totters on the brink of eternity' This remark seemed to -make some impression upon the squire, who changed countenance, -and with a faultering accent observed, 'That it ill became a -clergyman to be concerned in quarrels and bloodshed' -- 'Your -insolence to me (said Eastgate) I should have bore with patience, -had not you cast the most infamous reflections upon my order, the -honour of which I think myself in duty bound to maintain, even at -the expence of my heart's blood; and surely it can be no crime to -put out of the world a profligate wretch, without any sense of -principle, morality, or religion' -- 'Thou may'st take away my life -(cried Prankley, in great perturbation) but don't go to murder my -character. What! has't got no conscience?' 'My conscience is -perfectly quiet (replied the other); and now, Sir, we are upon -the spot -- Take your ground as near as you please; prime your -pistol; and the Lord, of his infinite mercy, have compassion upon -your miserable soul!' - -This ejaculation he pronounced in a loud solemn tone, with his -hat off, and his eyes lifted up; then drawing a large horse-pistol, -he presented, and put himself in a posture of action. -Prankley took his distance, and endeavoured to prime, but his -hand shook with such violence, that he found this operation -impracticable -- His antagonist, seeing how it was with him, -offered his assistance, and advanced for that purpose; when the -poor squire, exceedingly alarmed at what he had heard and seen, -desired the action might be deferred till next day, as he had not -settled his affairs. 'I ha'n't made my will (said he); my sisters -are not provided for; and I just now recollect an old promise, -which my conscience tells me I ought to perform -- I'll first -convince thee, that I'm not a wretch without principle, and then -thou shalt have an opportunity to take my life, which thou -seem'st to thirst after so eagerly.' - -Eastgate understood the hint; and told him, that one day should -break no squares: adding, 'God forbid that I should be the means -of hindering you from acting the part of an honest man, and a -dutiful brother' -- By virtue of this cessation, they returned -peaceably together. Prankley forthwith made out the presentation -of the living, and delivered it to Eastgate, telling him at the -same time, he had now settled his affairs, and was ready to -attend him to the Fir-grove; but Tom declared he could not think -of lifting his hand against the life of so great a benefactor -- He -did more: when they next met at the coffeehouse, he asked pardon -of Mr Prankley, if in his passion he had said any thing to give -him offence; and the squire was so gracious as to forgive him -with a cordial shake of the hand, declaring, that he did not like -to be at variance with an old college companion -- Next day, -however, he left Bath abruptly; and then Eastgate told me all -these particulars, not a little pleased with the effects of his -own sagacity, by which he has secured a living worth 160l. per -annum. - -Of my uncle, I have nothing at present to say; but that we set -out tomorrow for London en famille. He and the ladies, with the -maid and Chowder in a coach; I and the man-servant a-horseback. -The particulars of our journey you shall have in my next, -provided no accident happens to prevent, - -Yours ever, -J. MELFORD -BATH May 17. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -I shall to-morrow set out for London, where I have bespoke -lodgings, at Mrs Norton's in Golden-square. Although I am no -admirer of Bath, I shall leave it with regret; because I must -part with some old friends, whom, in all probability, I shall -never see again. In the course of coffeehouse conversation, I had -often heard very extraordinary encomiums passed on the -performances of Mr T--, a gentleman residing in this place, who -paints landscapes for his amusement. As I have no great -confidence in the taste and judgment of coffeehouse connoisseurs, -and never received much pleasure from this branch of the art, -those general praises made no impression at all on my curiosity; -but, at the request of a particular friend, I went yesterday to -see the pieces, which had been so warmly commended -- I must own I -am no judge of painting, though very fond of pictures. I don't -imagine that my senses would play me so false, as to betray me -into admiration of any thing that was very bad; but, true it is, -I have often overlooked capital beauties, in pieces of -extraordinary merit. -- If I am not totally devoid of taste, -however, this young gentleman of Bath is the best landscape-painter -now living: I was struck with his performances in such a -manner, as I had never been by painting before. His trees not -only have a richness of foliage and warmth of colouring, which -delights the view; but also a certain magnificence in the -disposition and spirit in the expression, which I cannot -describe. His management of the chiaro oscuro, or light and -shadow, especially gleams of sunshine, is altogether wonderful, -both in the contrivance and execution; and he is so happy in his -perspective, and marking his distances at sea, by a progressive -series of ships, vessels, capes, and promontories, that I could -not help thinking, I had a distant view of thirty leagues upon -the back-ground of the picture. If there is any taste for -ingenuity left in a degenerate age, fast sinking into barbarism, -this artist, I apprehend, will make a capital figure, as soon as -his works are known. - -Two days ago, I was favoured with a visit by Mr Fitzowen; who, -with great formality, solicited my vote and interest at the -general election. I ought not to have been shocked at the -confidence of this man; though it was remarkable, considering -what had passed between him and me on a former occasion -- These -visits are mere matter of form, which a candidate makes to every -elector; even to those who, he knows, are engaged in the interest -of his competitor, lest he should expose himself to the -imputation of pride, at a time when it is expected he should -appear humble. Indeed, I know nothing so abject as the behaviour -of a man canvassing for a seat in parliament -- This mean -prostration (to borough-electors, especially) has, I imagine, -contributed in a great measure to raise that spirit of insolence -among the vulgar; which, like the devil, will be found very -difficult to lay. Be that as it may, I was in some confusion at -the effrontery of Fitzowen; but I soon recollected myself, and -told him, I had not yet determined for whom I should give my -vote, nor whether I should give it for any. -- The truth is, I look -upon both candidates in the same light; and should think myself a -traitor to the constitution of my country, if I voted for either. -If every elector would bring the same consideration home to his -conscience, we should not have such reason to exclaim against the -venality of p--ts. But we all are a pack of venal and corrupted -rascals; so lost to all sense of honesty, and all tenderness of -character, that, in a little time, I am fully persuaded, nothing -will be infamous but virtue and public-spirit. - -G. H--, who is really an enthusiast in patriotism, and -represented the capital in several successive parliaments, -declared to me t'other day, with the tears in his eyes, that he -had lived above thirty years in the city of London, and dealt in -the way of commerce with all the citizens of note in their turns; -but that, as he should answer to God, he had never, in the whole -course of his life, found above three or four whom he could call -thoroughly honest: a declaration which was rather mortifying than -surprising to me; who have found so few men of worth in the -course of my acquaintance, that they serve only as exceptions; -which, in the grammarian's phrase, confirm and prove a general -canon -- I know you will say, G. H-- saw imperfectly through the -mist of prejudice, and I am rankled by the spleen -- Perhaps, you -are partly in the right; for I have perceived that my opinion of -mankind, like mercury in the thermometer, rises and falls -according to the variations of the weather. - -Pray settle accompts with Barnes; take what money of mine is in -his hands, and give him acquittance. If you think Davis has stock -or credit enough to do justice to the farm, give him a discharge -for the rent that is due, this will animate his industry; for I -know that nothing is so discouraging to a farmer as the thoughts -of being in arrears with his landlord. He becomes dispirited, and -neglects his labour; and so the farm goes to wreck. Tabby has -been clamouring for some days about the lamb's skin, which -Williams, the hind, begged of me, when he was last at Bath. -Prithee take it back, paying the fellow the full value of it, -that I may have some peace in my own house; and let him keep his -own counsel, if he means to keep his place -- O! I shall never -presume to despise or censure any poor man, for suffering himself -to be henpecked; conscious how I myself am obliged to truckle to -a domestic demon; even though (blessed be God) she is not yoked -with me for life, in the matrimonial waggon -- She has quarrelled -with the servants of the house about vails; and such intolerable -scolding ensued on both sides, that I have been fain to appease -the cook and chambermaid by stealth. Can't you find some poor -gentleman of Wales, to take this precious commodity off the hands -of - -Yours, -MATT. BRAMBLE -BATH, May 19. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DOCTER LEWS, - -Give me leaf to tell you, methinks you mought employ your talons -better, than to encourage servants to pillage their masters. I -find by Gwyllim, that Villiams has got my skin; for which he is -an impotent rascal. He has not only got my skin, but, moreover, -my butter-milk to fatten his pigs; and, I suppose, the next thing -he gets, will be my pad to carry his daughter to church and fair: -Roger gets this, and Roger gets that; but I'd have you to know, I -won't be rogered at this rate by any ragmatical fellow in the -kingdom -- And I am surprised, docter Lews, you would offer to put -my affairs in composition with the refuge and skim of the hearth. -I have toiled and moyled to a good purpuss, for the advantage of -Matt's family, if I can't safe as much owl as will make me an -under petticoat. As for the butter-milk, ne'er a pig in the -parish shall thrust his snout in it, with my good-will. There's a -famous physician at the Hot Well, that prescribes it to his -patience, when the case is consumptive; and the Scots and Irish -have begun to drink it already, in such quantities, that there is -not a drop left for the hogs in the whole neighbourhood of -Bristol. I'll have our butter-milk barrelled up, and sent twice -a-week to Aberginny, where it may be sold for a half-penny the -quart; and so Roger may carry his pigs to another market -- I hope, -Docter, you will not go to put any more such phims in my -brother's head, to the prejudice of my pockat; but rather give me -some raisins (which hitherto you have not done) to subscribe -myself - -Your humble servant, -TAB. BRAMBLE -BATH, May 19. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -Without waiting for your answer to my last, I proceed to give you -an account of our journey to London, which has not been wholly -barren of adventure. Tuesday last the 'squire took his place in a -hired coach and four, accompanied by his sister and mine, and Mrs -Tabby's maid, Winifrid Jenkins, whose province it was to support -Chowder on a cushion in her lap. I could scarce refrain from -laughing when I looked into the vehicle, and saw that animal -sitting opposite to my uncle, like any other passenger. The -squire, ashamed of his situation, blushed to the eyes: and, -calling to the postilions to drive on, pulled the glass up in my -face. I, and his servant, John Thomas, attended them on -horseback. - -Nothing worth mentioning occurred, till we arrived on the edge of -Marlborough Downs. There one of the four horses fell, in going -down hill at a round trot; and the postilion behind, endeavouring -to stop the carriage, pulled it on one side into a deep rut, -where it was fairly overturned. I had rode on about two hundred -yards before; but, hearing a loud scream, galloped back and -dismounted, to give what assistance was in my power. When I -looked into the coach, I could see nothing distinctly, but the -nether end of Jenkins, who was kicking her heels and squalling -with great vociferation. All of a sudden, my uncle thrust up his -bare pate, and bolted through the window, as nimble as a -grasshopper, having made use of poor Win's posteriors as a step -to rise in his ascent -- The man (who had likewise quitted his -horse) dragged this forlorn damsel, more dead than alive, through -the same opening. Then Mr Bramble, pulling the door off its -hinges with a jerk, laid hold on Liddy's arm, and brought her to -the light; very much frighted, but little hurt. It fell to my -share to deliver our aunt Tabitha, who had lost her cap in the -struggle, and being rather more than half frantic, with rage and -terror, was no bad representation of one of the sister Furies -that guard the gates of hell -- She expressed no sort of concern -for her brother, who ran about in the cold, without his periwig, -and worked with the most astonishing agility, in helping to -disentangle the horses from the carriage: but she cried, in a -tone of distraction, 'Chowder! Chowder! my dear Chowder! my poor -Chowder is certainly killed!' - -This was not the case -- Chowder, after having tore my uncle's leg -in the confusion of the fall, had retreated under the scat, and -from thence the footman drew him by the neck; for which good -office, he bit his fingers to the bone. The fellow, who is -naturally surly, was so provoked at this assault, that he saluted -his ribs with a hearty kick, exclaiming, 'Damn the nasty son of a -bitch, and them he belongs to!' A benediction, which was by no -means lost upon the implacable virago his mistress -- Her brother, -however, prevailed upon her to retire into a peasant's house, -near the scene of action, where his head and hers were covered, -and poor Jenkins had a fit. Our next care was to apply some -sticking plaister to the wound in his leg, which exhibited the -impression of Chowder's teeth; but he never opened his lips -against the delinquent -- Mrs Tabby, alarmed at this scene, 'You -say nothing, Matt (cried she); but I know your mind -- I know the -spite you have to that poor unfortunate animal! I know you intend -to take his life away!' 'You are mistaken, upon my honour! -(replied the squire, with a sarcastic smile) I should be -incapable of harbouring any such cruel design against an object -so amiable and inoffensive; even if he had not the happiness to -be your favourite.' - -John Thomas was not so delicate. The fellow, whether really -alarmed for his life, or instigated by the desire of revenge, -came in, and bluntly demanded, that the dog should be put to -death; on the supposition, that if ever he should run mad -hereafter, he, who had been bit by him, would be infected -- My -uncle calmly argued upon the absurdity of his opinion, observing, -that he himself was in the same predicament, and would certainly -take the precaution he proposed, if he was not sure he ran no -risque of infection. Nevertheless, Thomas continued obstinate; -and, at length declared, that if the dog was not shot -immediately, he himself would be his executioner -- This -declaration opened the flood-gates of Tabby's eloquence, which -would have shamed the first-rate oratress of Billingsgate. The -footman retorted in the same stile; and the squire dismissed him -from his service, after having prevented me from giving him a -good horse-whipping for his insolence. - -The coach being adjusted, another difficulty occurred -- Mrs -Tabitha absolutely refused to enter it again, unless another -driver could be found to take the place of the postilion; who, -she affirmed, had overturned the carriage from malice -aforethought -- After much dispute, the man resigned his place to a -shabby country fellow, who undertook to go as far as Marlborough, -where they could be better provided; and at that place we arrived -about one O'clock, without farther impediment. Mrs Bramble, -however, found new matter of offence; which, indeed, she has a -particular genius for extracting at will from almost every -incident in life. We had scarce entered the room at Marlborough, -where we stayed to dine, when she exhibited a formal complaint -against the poor fellow who had superseded the postilion. She -said he was such a beggarly rascal that he had ne'er a shirt -to his back, and had the impudence to shock her sight by shewing -his bare posteriors, for which act of indelicacy he deserved to -be set in the stocks. Mrs Winifred Jenkins confirmed the assertion, -with respect to his nakedness, observing, at the same time, that -he had a skin as fair as alabaster. - -'This is a heinous offence, indeed (cried my uncle) let us hear -what the fellow has to say in his own vindication.' He was -accordingly summoned, and made his appearance, which was equally -queer and pathetic. He seemed to be about twenty years of age, of -a middling size, with bandy legs, stooping shoulders, high -forehead, sandy locks, pinking eyes, flat nose, and long chin -- -but his complexion was of a sickly yellow; his looks denoted -famine, and the rags that he wore could hardly conceal what -decency requires to be covered -- My uncle, having surveyed him -attentively, said, with an ironical expression in his -countenance, 'An't you ashamed, fellow, to ride postilion without -a shirt to cover your backside from the view of the ladies in the -coach?' 'Yes, I am, an please your noble honour (answered the -man) but necessity has no law, as the saying is -- And more than -that, it was an accident. My breeches cracked behind, after I had -got into the saddle' 'You're an impudent varlet (cried Mrs Tabby) -for presuming to ride before persons of fashion without a shirt' -- -'I am so, an please your worthy ladyship (said he) but I am a -poor Wiltshire lad -- I ha'n't a shirt in the world, that I can -call my own, nor a rag of clothes, and please your ladyship, but -what you see -- I have no friend nor relation upon earth to help me -out -- I have had the fever and ague these six months, and spent -all I had in the world upon doctors, and to keep soul and body -together; and, saving your ladyship's good presence, I han't -broke bread these four and twenty hours.' - -Mrs Bramble, turning from him, said, she had never seen such a -filthy tatterdemalion, and bid him begone; observing, that he -would fill the room full of vermin -- Her brother darted a -significant glance at her, as she retired with Liddy into another -apartment, and then asked the man if he was known to any person -in Marlborough? -- When he answered, that the landlord of the inn -had known him from his infancy; mine host was immediately called, -and being interrogated on the subject, declared that the young -fellow's name was Humphry Clinker. That he had been a love -begotten babe, brought up in the work-house, and put out -apprentice by the parish to a country black-smith, who died -before the boy's time was out: that he had for some time worked -under his ostler, as a helper and extra postilion, till he was -taken ill of the ague, which disabled him from getting his bread: -that, having sold or pawned every thing he had in the world for -his cure and subsistence, he became so miserable and shabby, that -he disgraced the stable, and was dismissed; but that he never -heard any thing to the prejudice of his character in other -respects. 'So that the fellow being sick and destitute (said my -uncle) you turned him out to die in the streets.' 'I pay the -poor's rate (replied the other) and I have no right to maintain -idle vagrants, either in sickness or health; besides, such a -miserable object would have brought a discredit upon my house.' - -'You perceive (said the 'squire, turning to me) our landlord is a -Christian of bowels -- Who shall presume to censure the morals of -the age, when the very publicans exhibit such examples of -humanity? -- Heark ye, Clinker, you are a most notorious offender -- -You stand convicted of sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want -- -But, as it does not belong to me to punish criminals, I will only -take upon me the task of giving you a word of advice. Get a shirt -with all convenient dispatch, that your nakedness may not -henceforward give offence to travelling gentlewomen, especially -maidens in years.' - -So saying, he put a guinea into the hand of the poor fellow, who -stood staring at him in silence, with his mouth wide open, till -the landlord pushed him out of the room. - -In the afternoon, as our aunt stept into the coach, she observed, -with some marks of satisfaction, that the postilion, who rode -next to her, was not a shabby wretch like the ragamuffin who had -them into Marlborough. Indeed, the difference was very -conspicuous: this was a smart fellow, with a narrow brimmed hat, -with gold cording, a cut bob, a decent blue jacket, leather-breaches, -and a clean linen shirt, puffed above the waist-band. -When we arrived at the Castle, on Spin-hill, where we lay, this -new postilion was remarkably assiduous in bringing in the loose -parcels; and, at length, displayed the individual countenance of -Humphry Clinker, who had metamorphosed himself in this manner, by -relieving from pawn part of his own clothes, with the money he -had received from Mr Bramble. - -Howsoever pleased the rest of the company were with such a -favourable change in the appearance of this poor creature it -soured on the stomach of Mrs Tabby, who had not yet digested the -affront of his naked skin -- She tossed her nose in disdain, -saying, she supposed her brother had taken him into favour, -because he had insulted her with his obscenity: that a fool and -his money were soon parted; but that if Matt intended to take the -fellow with him to London, she would not go a foot further that -way -- My uncle said nothing with his tongue, though his looks were -sufficiently expressive; and next morning Clinker did not appear, -so that we proceeded without further altercation to Salthill, -where we proposed to dine -- There, the first person that came to -the side of the coach, and began to adjust the footboard, was no -other than Humphry Clinker -- When I handed out Mrs Bramble, she -eyed him with a furious look, and passed into the house -- My uncle -was embarrassed, and asked him peevishly, what had brought him -hither? The fellow said, his honour had been so good to him, that -he had not the heart to part with him; that he would follow him -to the world's end, and serve him all the days of his life, -without fee or reward. - -Mr Bramble did not know whether to chide or laugh at this -declaration -- He foresaw much contradiction on the side of -Tabby; and on the other hand, he could not but be pleased with -the gratitude of Clinker, as well as with the simplicity of his -character -- 'Suppose I was inclined to take you into my service -(said he) what are your qualifications? what are you good for?' -'An please your honour (answered this original) I can read and -write, and do the business of the stable indifferent well -- I can -dress a horse, and shoe him, and bleed and rowel him; and, as for -the practice of sow-gelding, I won't turn my back on e'er a he in -the county of Wilts -- Then I can make hog's puddings and hob-nails, -mend kettles and tin sauce-pans.' -- Here uncle burst out a-laughing; -and inquired what other accomplishments he was master -of -- 'I know something of single-stick, and psalmody (proceeded -Clinker); I can play upon the jew's-harp, sing Black-ey'd Susan, -Arthur-o'Bradley, and divers other songs; I can dance a Welsh -jig, and Nancy Dawson; wrestle a fall with any lad of my inches, -when I'm in heart; and, under correction I can find a hare when -your honour wants a bit of game.' 'Foregad! thou are a complete -fellow (cried my uncle, still laughing) I have a good mind to -take thee into my family -- Prithee, go and try if thou can'st make -peace with my sister -- Thou ha'st given her much offence by -shewing her thy naked tail.' - -Clinker accordingly followed us into the room, cap in hand, -where, addressing himself to Mrs Tabitha, 'May it please your -ladyship's worship (cried he) to pardon and forgive my offences, -and, with God's assistance, I shall take care that my tail shall -never rise up in judgment against me, to offend your ladyship -again. Do, pray, good, sweet, beautiful lady, take compassion on a -poor sinner -- God bless your noble countenance; I am sure you are -too handsome and generous to bear malice -- I will serve you on my -bended knees, by night and by day, by land and by water; and all -for the love and pleasure of serving such an excellent lady.' - -This compliment and humiliation had some effect upon Tabby; but -she made no reply; and Clinker, taking silence for consent, gave -his attendance at dinner. The fellow's natural aukwardness and -the flutter of his spirits were productive of repeated blunders -in the course of his attendance -- At length, he spilt part of a -custard upon her right shoulder; and, starting back, trod upon -Chowder, who set up a dismal howl -- Poor Humphry was so -disconcerted at this double mistake, that he dropt the china -dish, which broke into a thousand pieces; then, falling down upon -his knees, remained in that posture gaping, with a most ludicrous -aspect of distress. Mrs Bramble flew to the dog, and, snatching -him in her arms, presented him to her brother saying, 'This is -all a concerted scheme against this unfortunate animal, whose -only crime is its regard for me -- Here it is, kill it at once, and -then you'll be satisfied.' - -Clinker, hearing these words, and taking them in the literal -acceptation, got up in some hurry, and seizing a knife from the -side-board, cried, 'Not here, an please your ladyship -- It will -daub the room -- Give him to me, and I'll carry him to the ditch by -the roadside' To this proposal he received no other answer, than -a hearty box on the ear, that made him stagger to the other side -of the room. 'What! (said she to her brother) am I to be -affronted by every mangy hound that you pick up on the highway? I -insist upon your sending this rascallion about his business -immediately' 'For God's sake, sister, compose yourself (said my -uncle) and consider that the poor fellow is innocent of any -intention to give you offence' 'Innocent as the babe unborn' -(cried Humphry). 'I see it plainly (exclaimed this implacable -maiden), he acts by your direction; and you are resolved to -support him in his impudence This is a bad return for all the -services I have done you; for nursing you in your sickness, -managing your family, and keeping you from ruining yourself by -your own imprudence -- But now you shall part with that rascal or -me, upon the spot, without farther loss of time; and the world -shall see whether you have more regard for your own flesh and -blood, or for a beggarly foundling taken from the dunghill.' - -Mr Bramble's eyes began to glisten, and his teeth to chatter. 'If -stated fairly (said he, raising his voice) the question is, -whether I have spirit to shake off an intolerable yoke, by one -effort of resolution, or meanness enough to do an act of cruelty -and injustice, to gratify the rancour of a capricious woman -- -Heark ye, Mrs Tabitha Bramble, I will now propose an alternative -in my turn. Either discard your four-footed favourite, or give me -leave to bid you eternally adieu -- For I am determined that he and -I shall live no longer under the same roof; and to dinner with -what appetite you may' -- Thunderstruck at this declaration, she -sat down in a corner; and, after a pause of some minutes, 'Sure I -don't understand you, Matt! (said she)' 'And yet I spoke in plain -English' answered the 'squire, with a peremptory look. 'Sir -(resumed this virago, effectually humbled), it is your -prerogative to command, and my duty to obey. I can't dispose of -the dog in this place; but if you'll allow him to go in the coach -to London, I give you my word, he shall never trouble you again.' - -Her brother, entirely disarmed by this mild reply, declared, she -could ask him nothing in reason that he would refuse; adding, 'I -hope, sister, you have never found me deficient in natural -affection.' - -Mrs Tabitha immediately rose, and, throwing her arms about his -neck, kissed him on the cheek: he returned her embrace with great -emotion. Liddy sobbed, Win. Jenkins cackled, Chowder capered, and -Clinker skipped about, rubbing his hands for joy of this -reconciliation. - -Concord being thus restored, we finished our meal with comfort; -and in the evening arrived at London, without having met with any -other adventure. My aunt seems to be much mended by the hint she -received from her brother. She has been graciously pleased to -remove her displeasure from Clinker, who is now retained as a -footman; and in a day or two will make his appearance in a new -suit of livery; but as he is little acquainted with London, we -have taken an occasional valet, whom I intend hereafter to hire -as my own servant. We lodge in Goldensquare, at the house of one -Mrs Notion, a decent sort of a woman, who takes great pains to -make us all easy. My uncle proposes to make a circuit of all the -remarkable scenes of this metropolis, for the entertainment of -his pupils; but as both you and I are already acquainted with -most of those he will visit, and with some others he little -dreams of, I shall only communicate what will be in some measure -new to your observation. Remember me to our Jesuitical friends, -and believe me ever, - -Dear knight, -Yours affectionately, -J. MELFORD -LONDON, May 24. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -London is literally new to me; new in its streets, houses, and -even in its situation; as the Irishman said, 'London is now gone -out of town.' What I left open fields, producing hay and corn, I -now find covered with streets and squares, and palaces, and -churches. I am credibly informed, that in the space of seven -years, eleven thousand new houses have been built in one quarter -of Westminster, exclusive of what is daily added to other parts -of this unwieldy metropolis. Pimlico and Knightsbridge are now -almost joined to Chelsea and Kensington; and if this infatuation -continues for half a century, I suppose the whole county of -Middlesex will be covered with brick. - -It must be allowed, indeed, for the credit of the present age, -that London and Westminster are much better paved and lighted -than they were formerly. The new streets are spacious, regular, -and airy; and the houses generally convenient. The bridge at -Blackfriars is a noble monument of taste and public-spirit. -- I -wonder how they stumbled upon a work of such magnificence and -utility. But, notwithstanding these improvements, the capital is -become an overgrown monster; which, like a dropsical head, will -in time leave the body and extremities without nourishment and -support. The absurdity will appear in its full force, when we -consider that one sixth part of the natives of this whole -extensive kingdom is crowded within the bills of mortality. What -wonder that our villages are depopulated, and our farms in want -of day-labourers? The abolition of small farms is but one cause -of the decrease of population. Indeed, the incredible increase of -horses and black cattle, to answer the purposes of luxury, -requires a prodigious quantity of hay and grass, which are raised -and managed without much labour; but a number of hands will -always be wanted for the different branches of agriculture, -whether the farms be large or small. The tide of luxury has swept -all the inhabitants from the open country -- The poorest squire, as -well as the richest peer, must have his house in town, and make a -figure with an extraordinary number of domestics. The plough-boys, -cow-herds, and lower hinds are debauched and seduced by the -appearance and discourse of those coxcombs in livery, when they -make their summer excursions. They desert their dirt and -drudgery, and swarm up to London, in hopes of getting into -service, where they can live luxuriously and wear fine clothes, -without being obliged to work; for idleness is natural to man -- -Great numbers of these, being disappointed in their expectation, -become thieves and sharpers; and London being an immense -wilderness, in which there is neither watch nor ward of any -signification, nor any order or police, affords them lurking-places -as well as prey. - -There are many causes that contribute to the daily increase of -this enormous mass; but they may be all resolved into the grand -source of luxury and corruption -- About five and twenty years ago, -very few, even of the most opulent citizens of London, kept any -equipage, or even any servants in livery. Their tables produced -nothing but plain boiled and roasted, with a bottle of port and a -tankard of beer. At present, every trader in any degree of -credit, every broker and attorney, maintains a couple of footmen, -a coachman, and postilion. He has his town-house, and his -country-house, his coach, and his post-chaise. His wife and -daughters appear in the richest stuffs, bespangled with diamonds. -They frequent the court, the opera, the theatre, and the -masquerade. They hold assemblies at their own houses: they make -sumptuous entertainments, and treat with the richest wines of -Bordeaux, Burgundy, and Champagne. The substantial tradesman, who -wont to pass his evenings at the ale-house for fourpence half-penny, -now spends three shillings at the tavern, while his wife -keeps card-tables at home; she must likewise have fine clothes, -her chaise, or pad, with country lodgings, and go three times a -week to public diversions. Every clerk, apprentice, and even -waiter of tavern or coffeehouse, maintains a gelding by himself, -or in partnership, and assumes the air and apparel of a petit -maitre -- The gayest places of public entertainment are filled with -fashionable figures; which, upon inquiry, will be found to be -journeymen taylors, serving-men, and abigails, disguised like -their betters. - -In short, there is no distinction or subordination left -- The -different departments of life are jumbled together -- The hod-carrier, -the low mechanic, the tapster, the publican, the -shopkeeper, the pettifogger, the citizen, and courtier, all tread -upon the kibes of one another: actuated by the demons of -profligacy and licentiousness, they are seen every where -rambling, riding, rolling, rushing, justling, mixing, bouncing, -cracking, and crashing in one vile ferment of stupidity and -corruption -- All is tumult and hurry; one would imagine they were -impelled by some disorder of the brain, that will not suffer them -to be at rest. The foot-passengers run along as if they were -pursued by bailiffs. The porters and chairmen trot with their -burthens. People, who keep their own equipages, drive through the -streets at full speed. Even citizens, physicians, and -apothecaries, glide in their chariots like lightening. The -hackney-coachmen make their horses smoke, and the pavement shakes -under them; and I have actually seen a waggon pass through -Piccadilly at the hand-gallop. In a word, the whole nation seems -to be running out of their wits. - -The diversions of the times are not ill suited to the genius of -this incongruous monster, called the public. Give it noise, -confusion, glare, and glitter; it has no idea of elegance and -propriety -- What are the amusements of Ranelagh? One half of the -company are following at the other's tails, in an eternal circle; -like so many blind asses in an olive-mill, where they can neither -discourse, distinguish, nor be distinguished; while the other -half are drinking hot water, under the denomination of tea, till -nine or ten o'clock at night, to keep them awake for the rest of -the evening. As for the orchestra, the vocal music especially, it -is well for the performers that they cannot be heard distinctly. -Vauxhall is a composition of baubles, overcharged with paltry -ornaments, ill conceived, and poorly executed; without any unity -of design, or propriety of disposition. It is an unnatural -assembly of objects, fantastically illuminated in broken masses; -seemingly contrived to dazzle the eyes and divert the imagination -of the vulgar -- Here a wooden lion, there a stone statue; in one -place, a range of things like coffeehouse boxes, covered a-top; -in another, a parcel of ale-house benches; in a third, a puppet-show -representation of a tin cascade; in a fourth, a gloomy cave -of a circular form, like a sepulchral vault half lighted; in a -fifth, a scanty flip of grass-plat, that would not afford pasture -sufficient for an ass's colt. The walks, which nature seems to -have intended for solitude, shade, and silence, are filled with -crowds of noisy people, sucking up the nocturnal rheums of an -aguish climate; and through these gay scenes, a few lamps glimmer -like so many farthing candles. - -When I see a number of well dressed people, of both sexes, -sitting on the covered benches, exposed to the eyes of the mob; -and, which is worse, to the cold, raw, night-air, devouring -sliced beef, and swilling port, and punch, and cyder, I can't -help compassionating their temerity; white I despise their want -of taste and decorum; but, when they course along those damp and -gloomy walks, or crowd together upon the wet gravel, without any -other cover than the cope of Heaven, listening to a song, which -one half of them cannot possibly hear, how can I help supposing -they are actually possessed by a spirit, more absurd and -pernicious than any thing we meet with in the precincts of -Bedlam? In all probability, the proprietors of this, and other -public gardens of inferior note, in the skirts of the metropolis, -are, in some shape, connected with the faculty of physic, and the -company of undertakers; for, considering that eagerness in the -pursuit of what is called pleasure, which now predominates -through every rank and denomination of life, I am persuaded that -more gouts, rheumatisms, catarrhs, and consumptions are caught in -these nocturnal pastimes, sub dio, than from all the risques and -accidents to which a life of toil and danger is exposed. - -These, and other observations, which I have made in this -excursion, will shorten my stay at London, and send me back with -a double relish to my solitude and mountains; but I shall return -by a different route from that which brought me to town. I have -seen some old friends, who constantly resided in this virtuous -metropolis, but they are so changed in manners and disposition, -that we hardly know or care for one another -- In our journey from -Bath, my sister Tabby provoked me into a transport of passion; -during which, like a man who has drank himself pot-valiant, I -talked to her in such a stile of authority and resolution, as -produced a most blessed effect. She and her dog have been -remarkably quiet and orderly ever since this expostulation. How -long this agreeable calm will last, Heaven above knows -- I flatter -myself, the exercise of travelling has been of service to my -health; a circumstance which encourages me to-proceed in my -projected expedition to the North. But I must, in the mean time, -for the benefit and amusement of my pupils, explore the depths of -this chaos; this misshapen and monstrous capital, without head or -tail, members or proportion. - -Thomas was so insolent to my sister on the road, that I was -obliged to turn him off abruptly, betwixt Chippenham and -Marlborough, where our coach was overturned. The fellow was -always sullen and selfish; but, if he should return to the -country, you may give him a character for honesty and sobriety; -and, provided he behaves with proper respect to the family, let -him have a couple of -guineas in the name of - -Yours always, -MATT. BRAMBLE -LONDON, May 20. - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -Inexpressible was the pleasure I received from yours of the 25th, -which was last night put into my hands by Mrs Brentford, the -milliner, from Gloucester -- I rejoice to hear that my worthy -governess is in good health, and, still more, that she no longer -retains any displeasure towards her poor Liddy. I am sorry you -have lost the society of the agreeable Miss Vaughn; but, I hope -you won't have cause much longer to regret the departure of your -school companions, as I make no doubt but your parents will, in a -little time, bring you into the world, where you are so well -qualified to make a distinguished figure. When that is the case, -I flatter myself you and I shall meet again, and be happy -together; and even improve the friendship which we contracted in -our tender years. This at least I can promise -- It shall not be for -the want of my utmost endeavours, if our intimacy does not -continue for life. - -About five days ago we arrived in London, after an easy journey -from Bath; during which, however, we were overturned, and met -with some other little incidents, which, had like to have -occasioned a misunderstanding betwixt my uncle and aunt; but now, -thank God, they are happily reconciled: we live in harmony -together, and every day make parties to see the wonders of this -vast metropolis, which, however, I cannot pretend to describe; -for I have not as yet seen one hundredth part of its curiosities, -and I am quite in a maze of admiration. - -The cities of London and Westminster are spread out into an -incredible extent. The streets, squares, rows, lanes, and alleys, -are innumerable. Palaces, public buildings, and churches rise in -every quarter; and, among these last, St Paul's appears with the -most astonishing pre-eminence. They say it is not so large as, St -Peter's at Rome; but, for my own part, I can have no idea of any -earthly temple more grand and magnificent. - -But even these superb objects are not so striking as the crowds -of people that swarm in the streets. I at first imagined that -some great assembly was just dismissed, and wanted to stand aside -till the multitude should pass; but this human tide continues to -flow, without interruption or abatement, from morn till night. -Then there is such an infinity of gay equipages, coaches, -chariots, chaises, and other carriages, continually rolling and -shifting before your eyes, that one's head grows giddy looking at -them; and the imagination is quite confounded with splendour and -variety. Nor is the prospect by water less grand and astonishing -than that by land: you see three stupendous bridges, joining the -opposite banks of a broad, deep, and rapid river; so vast, so -stately, so elegant, that they seem to be the work of the giants; -betwixt them, the whole surface of the Thames is covered with -small vessels, barges, boats, and wherries, passing to and fro; -and below the three bridges, such a prodigious forest of masts, -for miles together, that you would think all the ships in the -universe were here assembled. All that you read of wealth and -grandeur in the Arabian Nights' Entertainment, and the Persian -Tales, concerning Bagdad, Diarbekir, Damascus, Ispahan, and -Samarkand, is here realized. - -Ranelagh looks like the inchanted palace of a genie, adorned with -the most exquisite performances of painting, carving, and -gilding, enlightened with a thousand golden lamps, that emulate -the noon-day sun; crowded with the great, the rich, the gay, the -happy, and the fair; glittering with cloth of gold and silver, -lace, embroidery, and precious stones. While these exulting sons -and daughters of felicity tread this round of pleasure, or regale -in different parties, and separate lodges, with fine imperial tea -and other delicious refreshments, their ears are entertained with -the most ravishing delights of music, both instrumental and -vocal. There I heard the famous Tenducci, a thing from Italy -- It -looks for all the world like a man, though they say it is not. -The voice, to be sure, is neither man's nor woman's; but it is -more melodious than either; and it warbled so divinely, that, -while I listened, I really thought myself in paradise. - -At nine o'clock, in a charming moonlight evening, we embarked at -Ranelagh for Vauxhall, in a wherry so light and slender that we -looked like so many fairies sailing in a nutshell. My uncle, -being apprehensive of catching cold upon the water, went round in -the coach, and my aunt would have accompanied him, but he would -not suffer me to go by water if she went by land; and therefore -she favoured us with her company, as she perceived I had a -curiosity to make this agreeable voyage -- After all, the vessel -was sufficiently loaded; for, besides the waterman, there was my -brother Jery, and a friend of his, one Mr Barton, a country -gentleman, of a good fortune, who had dined at our house -- The -pleasure of this little excursion was, however, damped, by my -being sadly frighted at our landing; where there was a terrible -confusion of wherries and a crowd of people bawling, and -swearing, and quarrelling, nay, a parcel of ugly-looking fellows -came running into the water, and laid hold of our boat with great -violence, to pull it a-shore; nor would they quit their hold till -my brother struck one of them over the head with his cane. But -this flutter was fully recompensed by the pleasures of Vauxhall; -which I no sooner entered, than I was dazzled and confounded with -the variety of beauties that rushed all at once upon my eye. -Image to yourself, my dear Letty, a spacious garden, part laid -out in delightful walks, bounded with high hedges and trees, and -paved with gravel; part exhibiting a wonderful assemblage of the -most picturesque and striking objects' pavilions, lodges, groves, -grottoes, lawns, temples and cascades; porticoes, colonades, and -rotundos; adorned with pillars, statues, and painting: the whole -illuminated with an infinite number of lamps, disposed in -different figures of suns, stars, and constellations; the place -crowded with the gayest company, ranging through those blissful -shades, or supping in different lodges on cold collations, -enlivened with mirth, freedom, and good humour, and animated by -an excellent band of music. Among the vocal performers I had the -happiness to hear the celebrated Mrs --, whose voice was loud and -shrill, that it made my head ake through excess of pleasure. - -In about half an hour after we arrived we were joined by my -uncle, who did not seem to relish the place. People of experience -and infirmity, my dear Letty, see with very different eyes from -those that such as you and I make use of -- Our evening's -entertainment was interrupted by an unlucky accident. In one of -the remotest walks we were surprised with a sudden shower, that -set the whole company a-running, and drove us in heaps, one upon -another, into the rotunda; where my uncle, finding himself wet, -began to be very peevish and urgent to be gone. My brother went -to look for the coach, and found it with much difficulty; but as -it could not hold us all, Mr Barton stayed behind. It was some -time before the carriage could be brought up to the gate, in the -confusion, notwithstanding the utmost endeavours of our new -footman, Humphry Clinker, who lost his scratch periwig, and got a -broken head in the scuffle. The moment we were seated, my aunt -pulled off my uncle's shoes, and carefully wrapped his poor feet -in her capuchin; then she gave him a mouth-ful of cordial, which -she always keeps in her pocket, and his clothes were shifted as -soon as we arrived at lodgings; so that, blessed be God, he -escaped a severe cold, of which he was in great terror. - -As for Mr Barton, I must tell you in confidence, he was a little -particular; but, perhaps, I mistake his complaisance; and I wish -I may, for his sake -- You know the condition of my poor heart: -which, in spite of hard usage -- And yet I ought not to complain: -nor will I, till farther information. - -Besides Ranelagh and Vauxhall, I have been at Mrs Cornelys' -assembly, which, for the rooms, the company, the dresses, and -decorations, surpasses all description; but as I have no great -turn for card playing, I have not yet entered thoroughly into the -spirit of the place: indeed I am still such a country hoyden, -that I could hardly find patience to be put in a condition to -appear, yet, as I was not above six hours under the hands of the -hair-dresser, who stuffed my head with as much black wool as -would have made a quilted petticoat; and, after all, it was the -smallest head in the assembly, except my aunt's -- She, to be sure, -was so particular with her rumpt gown and petticoat, her scanty -curls, her lappethead, deep triple ruffles, and high stays, that -every body looked at her with surprise: some whispered, and some -tittered; and lady Griskin, by whom we were introduced, flatly -told her, she was twenty good years behind the fashion. - -Lady Griskin is a person of fashion, to whom we have the honour -to be related. She keeps a small rout at her own house, never -exceeding ten or a dozen card-tables, but these are frequented by -the best company in town -- She has been so obliging as to -introduce my aunt and me to some of her particular friends of -quality, who treat us with the most familiar good-humour: we have -once dined with her, and she takes the trouble to direct us in -all our motions. I am so happy as to have gained her goodwill to -such a degree, that she sometimes adjusts my cap with her own -hands; and she has given me a kind invitation to stay with her -all the winter. This, however, has been cruelly declined by my -uncle who seems to be (I know not how) prejudiced against the -good lady; for, whenever my aunt happens to speak in her -commendation, I observe that he makes wry faces, though he says -nothing -- Perhaps, indeed, these grimaces may be the effect of -pain arising from the gout and rheumatism, with which he is sadly -distressed -- To me, however, he is always good-natured and -generous, even beyond my wish. Since we came hither, he has made -me a present of a suit of clothes, with trimmings and laces, -which cost more money than I shall mention; and Jery, at his -desire, has given me my mother's diamond crops, which are ordered -to be set a-new; so that it won't be his fault if I do not -glitter among the stars of the fourth or fifth magnitude. I wish -my weak head may not grow giddy in the midst of all this -gallantry and dissipation; though, as yet, I can safely declare, -I could gladly give up all these tumultuous pleasures, for -country solitude, and a happy retreat with those we love; among -whom, my dear Willis will always possess the first place in the -breast of her - -Ever affectionate, -LYDIA MELFORD -LONDON, May 31. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -I send you this letter, franked by our old friend Barton; who is -as much altered as it was possible for a man of his kidney to be. -Instead of the careless, indolent sloven we knew at Oxford, I -found him a busy talkative politician; a petit-maitre in his -dress, and a ceremonious courtier in his manners. He has not gall -enough in his constitution to be enflamed with the rancour of -party, so as to deal in scurrilous invectives; but, since he -obtained a place, he is become a warm partizan of the ministry, -and sees every thing through such an exaggerating medium, as to -me, who am happily of no party, is altogether incomprehensible -- -Without all doubt, the fumes of faction not only disturb the -faculty of reason, but also pervert the organs of sense; and I -would lay a hundred guineas to ten, that if Barton on one side, -and the most conscientious patriot in the opposition on the -other, were to draw, upon honour, the picture of the k[ing] or -m[inisters], you and I, who are still uninfected, and unbiased, -would find both painters equally distant from the truth. One -thing, however, must be allowed for the honour of Barton, he -never breaks out into illiberal abuse, far less endeavours, by -infamous calumnies, to blast the moral character of any -individual on the other side. - -Ever since we came hither, he has been remarkably assiduous in -his attention to our family; an attention, which, in a man of his -indolence and avocations, I should have thought altogether odd, -and even unnatural, had not I perceived that my sister Liddy had -made some impression upon his heart. I cannot say that I have any -objection to his trying his fortune in this pursuit: if an -opulent estate and a great flock of good-nature are sufficient -qualifications in a husband, to render the marriage-state happy -for life, she may be happy with Barton; but, I imagine, there is -something else required to engage and secure the affection of a -woman of sense and delicacy: something which nature has denied -our friend -- Liddy seems to be of the same opinion. When he -addresses himself to her in discourse, she seems to listen with -reluctance, and industriously avoids all particular -communication; but in proportion to her coyness, our aunt is -coming. Mrs Tabitha goes more than half way to meet his advances; -she mistakes, or affects to mistake, the meaning of his courtesy, -which is rather formal and fulsome; she returns his compliments -with hyperbolical interest, she persecutes him with her -civilities at table, she appeals to him for ever in conversation, -she sighs, and flirts, and ogles, and by her hideous affectation -and impertinence, drives the poor courtier to the very extremity -of his complaisance; in short, she seems to have undertaken the -siege of Barton's heart, and carries on her approaches in such a -desperate manner, that I don't know whether he will not be -obliged to capitulate. In the mean time, his aversion to this -inamorata struggling with his acquired affability, and his -natural fear of giving offence, throws him into a kind of -distress which is extremely ridiculous. - -Two days ago, he persuaded my uncle and me to accompany him to St -James's, where he undertook to make us acquainted with the -persons of all the great men in the kingdom; and, indeed, there -was a great assemblage of distinguished characters, for it was a -high festival at court. Our conductor performed his promise with -great punctuality. He pointed out almost every individual of both -sexes, and generally introduced them to our notice, with a -flourish of panegyrick -- Seeing the king approach, 'There comes -(said he) the most amiable sovereign that ever swayed the sceptre -of England: the delicioe humani generis; Augustus, in patronizing -merit; Titus Vespasian in generosity; Trajan in beneficence; and -Marcus Aurelius in philosophy.' 'A very honest kind hearted -gentleman (added my uncle) he's too good for the times. A king of -England should have a spice of the devil in his composition.' -Barton, then turning to the duke of C[umberland], proceeded, -- -'You know the duke, that illustrious hero, who trode rebellion -under his feet, and secured us in possession of every thing we -ought to hold dear, as English men and Christians. Mark what an -eye, how penetrating, yet pacific! what dignity in his mien! what -humanity in his aspect -- Even malice must own, that he is one of -the greatest officers in Christendom.' 'I think he is (said Mr -Bramble) but who are these young gentlemen that stand beside -him?' 'Those! (cried our friend) those are his royal nephews; the -princes of the blood. Sweet -young princes! the sacred pledges of the Protestant line; so -spirited, so sensible, so princely' -- 'Yes; very sensible! very -spirited! (said my uncle, interrupting him) but see the queen! -ha, there's the queen! -- There's the queen! let me see -- Let me -see -- Where are my glasses? ha! there's meaning in that eye -- -There's sentiment -- There's expression -- Well, Mr Barton, what -figure do you call next?' The next person he pointed out, was the -favourite yearl; who stood solitary by one of the windows -- -'Behold yon northern star (said he) shorn of his beams' -- 'What! -the Caledonian luminary, that lately blazed so bright in our -hemisphere! methinks, at present, it glimmers through a fog; like -Saturn without his ring, bleak, and dim, and distant -- Ha, there's -the other great phenomenon, the grand pensionary, that -weathercock of patriotism that veers about in every point of the -political compass, and still feels the wind of popularity in his -tail. He too, like a portentous comet, has risen again above the -court-horizon; but how long he will continue to ascend, it is not -easy to foretell, considering his great eccentricity -- Who are -those two satellites that attend his motions?' When Barton told -him their names, 'To their characters (said Mr Bramble) I am no -stranger. One of them, without a drop of red blood in his veins, -has a cold intoxicating vapour in his head; and rancour enough in -his heart to inoculate and affect a whole nation. The other is (I -hear) intended for a share in the ad[ministratio]n, and the -pensionary vouches for his being duly qualified -- The only -instance I ever heard of his sagacity, was his deserting his -former patron, when he found him declining in power, and in -disgrace with the people. Without principle, talent, or -intelligence, he is ungracious as a hog, greedy as a vulture, and -thievish as a jackdaw; but, it must be owned, he is no hypocrite. -He pretends to no virtue, and takes no pains to disguise his -character -- His ministry will be attended with one advantage, no -man will be disappointed by his breach of promise, as no mortal -ever trusted to his word. I wonder how lord-- first discovered -this happy genius, and for what purpose lord-- has now adopted -him: but one would think, that as amber has a power to attract -dirt, and straws, and chaff, a minister is endued with the same -kind of faculty, to lick up every knave and blockhead in his -way' -- His eulogium was interrupted by the arrival of the old duke -of N--; who, squeezing into the circle with a busy face of -importance, thrust his head into every countenance, as if he had -been in search of somebody, to whom he wanted to impart something -of great consequence -- My uncle, who had been formerly known to -him, bowed as he passed; and the duke seeing himself saluted so -respectfully by a well-dressed person, was not slow in returning -the courtesy -- He even came up, and, taking him cordially by the -hand, 'My dear friend, Mr A-- (said he) I am rejoiced to see you -- -How long have you been come from abroad? -- How did you leave our -good friends the Dutch? The king of Prussia don't think of -another war, ah? -- He's a great king! a great conqueror! a very -great conqueror! Your Alexanders and Hannibals were nothing, at -all to him, sir -- Corporals! drummers! dross! mere trash -- Damned -trash, heh?' -- His grace being by this time out of breath, my -uncle took the opportunity to tell him he had not been out of -England, that his name was Bramble, and that he had the honour to -sit in the last parliament but one of the late king, as -representative for the borough of Dymkymraig. 'Odso! (cried the -duke) I remember you perfectly well, my dear Mr Bramble -- You was -always a good and loyal subject -- a stanch friend to -administration -- I made your brother an Irish bishop' -- 'Pardon me, -my lord (said the squire) I once had a brother, but he was a -captain in the army' -- 'Ha! (said his grace) he was so -- He was, -indeed! But who was the Bishop then! Bishop Blackberry -- Sure it -was bishop Blackberry. Perhaps some relation of yours' -- 'Very -likely, my lord (replied my uncle); the Blackberry is the fruit -of the Bramble -- But, I believe, the bishop is not a berry of our -bush' -- 'No more he is -- No more he is, ha, ha, ha! (exclaimed the -duke) there you gave me a scratch, good Mr Bramble, ha, ha, ha! -- -Well, I shall be glad to see you at Lincoln's inn-fields -- You -know the way -- Times are altered. Though I have lost the power, I -retain the inclination -- Your very humble servant, good Mr -Blackberry' -- So saying, he shoved to another corner of the room. -'What a fine old gentleman! (cried Mr Barton) what spirits! what -a memory! He never forgets an old friend.' 'He does me too much -honour (observed our squire) to rank me among the number -- Whilst -I sat in parliament, I never voted with the ministry but three -times, when my conscience told me they were in the right: -however, if he still keeps levee, I will carry my nephew thither, -that he may see, and learn to avoid the scene; for, I think, an -English gentleman never appears to such disadvantage, as at the -levee of a minister -- Of his grace I shall say nothing at present, -but that for thirty years he was the constant and common butt of -ridicule and execration. He was generally laughed at as an ape in -politics, whose office and influence served only to render his -folly the more notorious; and the opposition cursed him, as the -indefatigable drudge of a first-mover, who was justly stiled and -stigmatized as the father of corruption: but this ridiculous ape, -this venal drudge, no sooner lost the places he was so ill -qualified to fill, and unfurled the banners of faction, than he -was metamorphosed into a pattern of public virtue; the very -people who reviled him before, now extolled him to the skies, as -a wise, experienced statesman, chief pillar of the Protestant -succession, and corner stone of English liberty. I should be glad -to know how Mr Barton reconciles these contradictions, without -obliging us to resign all title to the privilege of common -sense.' 'My dear sir (answered Barton) I don't pretend to justify -the extravagations of the multitude; who, I suppose, were as wild -in their former censure, as in the present praise: but I shall be -very glad to attend you on Thursday next to his grace's levee; -where, I'm afraid, we shall not be crowded with company; for, you -know, there's a wide difference between his present office of -president of the council, and his former post of first lord -commissioner of the treasury.' - -This communicative friend having announced all the remarkable -characters of both sexes, that appeared at court, we resolved to -adjourn, and retired. At the foot of the stair-case, there was a -crowd of lacqueys and chairmen, and in the midst of them stood -Humphry Clinker, exalted upon a stool, with his hat in one hand, -and a paper in the other, in the act of holding forth to the -people -- Before we could inquire into the meaning of this -exhibition, he perceived his master, thrust the paper into his -pocket, descended from his elevation, bolted through the crowd, -and brought up the carriage to the gate. - -My uncle said nothing till we were seated, when, after having -looked at me earnestly for some time, he burst out a-laughing, -and asked if I knew upon what subject Clinker was holding forth -to the mob -- 'If (said he) the fellow is turned mountebank, I must -turn him out of my service, otherwise he'll make Merry Andrews of -us all' -- I observed, that, in all probability, he had studied -medicine under his master, who was a farrier. - -At dinner, the squire asked him, if he had ever practised physic? -'Yes, and please your honour (said he) among brute beasts; but I -never meddle with rational creatures.' 'I know not whether you -rank in that class the audience you was haranguing in the court -at St. James's, but I should be glad to know what kind of powders -you was distributing; and whether you had a good sale' -- 'Sale, -sir! (cried Clinker) I hope I shall never be base enough to sell -for gold and silver, what freely comes of God's grace. I -distributed nothing, an like your honour, but a word of advice to -my fellows in servitude and sin.' 'Advice! concerning what?' -'Concerning profane swearing, an please your honour; so horrid -and shocking, that it made my hair stand on end.' 'Nay, if thou -can'st cure them Of that disease, I shall think thee a wonderful -doctor indeed' 'Why not cure them, my good master? the hearts of -those poor people are not so stubborn as your honour seems to -think -- Make them first sensible that you have nothing in view but -their good, then they will listen with patience, and easily be -convinced of the sin and folly of a practice that affords neither -profit nor pleasure -- At this remark, our uncle changed colour, -and looked round the company, conscious that his own withers were -not altogether unwrung. 'But, Clinker (said he) if you should -have eloquence enough to persuade the vulgar to resign those -tropes and figures of rhetoric, there will be little or nothing -left to distinguish their conversation from that of their -betters.' 'But then your honour knows, their conversation will be -void of offence; and, at the day of judgment, there will be no -distinction of persons.' - -Humphry going down stairs to fetch up a bottle of wine, my uncle -congratulated his sister upon having such a reformer in the -family; when Mrs Tabitha declared, he was a sober civilized -fellow; very respectful, and very industrious; and, she believed, -a good Christian into the bargain. One would think, Clinker must -really have some very extraordinary talent, to ingratiate himself -in this manner with a virago of her character, so fortified -against him with prejudice and resentment; but the truth is, -since the adventure of Salt-hill, Mrs Tabby seems to be entirely -changed. She has left off scolding the servants, an exercise -which was grown habitual, and even seemed necessary to her -constitution; and is become so indifferent to Chowder, as to part -with him in a present to lady Griskin, who proposes to bring the -breed of him into fashion. Her ladyship is the widow of Sir -Timothy Griskin, a distant relation of our family. She enjoys a -jointure of five hundred pounds a-year, and makes shift to spend -three times that sum. Her character before marriage was a little -equivocal; but at present she lives in the bon ton, keeps card-tables, -gives private suppers to select friends, and is visited -by persons of the first fashion -- She has been remarkably civil to -us all, and cultivates my uncle with the most particular regard; -but the more she strokes him, the more his bristles seem to rise -- -To her compliments he makes very laconic and dry returns -- -T'other day she sent us a pottle of fine strawberries, which he -did not receive without signs of disgust, muttering from the -Aeneid, timeo Danaos et Dona ferentes. She has twice called for -Liddy, of a forenoon, to take an airing in the coach; but Mrs -Tabby was always so alert (I suppose by his direction) that she -never could have the niece without her aunt's company. I have -endeavoured to sound Square-toes on this subject; but he -carefully avoids all explanation. - -I have now, dear Phillips, filled a whole sheet, and if you have -read it to an end, I dare say, you are as tired as - -Your humble servant, -J. MELFORD -LONDON, June 2. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -Yes, Doctor, I have seen the British Museum; which is a noble -collection, and even stupendous, if we consider it was made by a -private man, a physician, who was obliged to make his own for -tune at the same time: but great as the collection is, it would -appear more striking if it was arranged in one spacious saloon, -instead of being divided into different apartments, which it does -not entirely fill -- I could wish the series of medals was -connected, and the whole of the animal, vegetable, and mineral -kingdoms completed, by adding to each, at the public expence, -those articles that are wanting. It would likewise be a great -improvement, with respect to the library, if the deficiencies -were made up, by purchasing all the books of character that are -not to be found already in the collection -- They might be classed -in centuries, according to the dates of their publication, and -catalogues printed of them and the manuscripts, for the -information of those that want to consult, or compile from such -authorities. I could also wish, for the honour of the nation, -that there was a complete apparatus for a course of mathematics, -mechanics, and experimental philosophy; and a good salary settled -upon an able professor, who should give regular lectures on these -subjects. - -But this is all idle speculation, which will never be reduced to -practice -- Considering the temper of the times, it is a wonder to -see any institution whatsoever established for the benefit of the -Public. The spirit of party is risen to a kind of phrenzy, -unknown to former ages, or rather degenerated to a total -extinction of honesty and candour -- You know I have observed, for -some time, that the public papers are become the infamous -vehicles of the most cruel and perfidious defamation: every -rancorous knave every desperate incendiary, that can afford to -spend half a crown or three shillings, may skulk behind the press -of a newsmonger, and have a stab at the first character in the -kingdom, without running the least hazard of detection or -punishment. - -I have made acquaintance with a Mr Barton, whom Jery knew at -Oxford; a good sort of a man, though most ridiculously warped in -his political principles; but his partiality is the less -offensive, as it never appears in the stile of scurrility and -abuse. He is a member of parliament, and a retainer to the court; -and his whole conversation turns upon the virtues and perfections -of the ministers, who are his patrons. T'other day, when he was -bedaubing one of those worthies, with the most fulsome praise, I -told him I had seen the same nobleman characterised very -differently, in one of the daily-papers; indeed, so stigmatized, -that if one half of what was said of him was true, he must be not -only unfit to rule, but even unfit to live: that those -impeachments had been repeated again and again, with the addition -of fresh matter; and that as he had taken no steps towards his -own vindication, I began to think there was some foundation for -the charge. 'And pray, Sir (said Mr Barton), what steps would you -have him take? Suppose he should prosecute the publisher, who -screens the anonymous accuser, and bring him to the pillory for a -libel; this is so far from being counted a punishment, in -terrorem, that it will probably make his fortune. The multitude -immediately take him into their protection, as a martyr to the -cause of defamation, which they have always espoused. They pay his -fine, they contribute to the increase of his stock, his shop is -crowded with customers, and the sale of his paper rises in -proportion to the scandal it contains. All this time the -prosecutor is inveighed against as a tyrant and oppressor, for -having chosen to proceed by the way of information, which is -deemed a grievance; but if he lays an action for damages, he must -prove the damage, and I leave you to judge, whether a gentleman's -character may not be brought into contempt, and all his views in -life blasted by calumny, without his being able to specify the -particulars of the damage he has sustained. - -'This spirit of defamation is a kind of heresy, that thrives -under persecution. The liberty of the press is a term of great -efficacy; and like that of the Protestant religion, has often -served the purposes of sedition -- A minister, therefore, must arm -himself with patience, and bear those attacks without repining -- -Whatever mischief they may do in other respects, they certainly -contribute, in one particular, to the advantages of government; -for those defamatory articles have multiplied papers in such a -manner, and augmented their sale to such a degree, that the duty -upon stamps and advertisements has made a very considerable -addition to the revenue.' Certain it is, a gentleman's honour is -a very delicate subject to be handled by a jury, composed of men, -who cannot be supposed remarkable either for sentiment or -impartiality -- In such a case, indeed, the defendant is tried, not -only by his peers, but also by his party; and I really think, -that of all patriots, he is the most resolute who exposes himself -to such detraction, for the sake of his country -- If, from the -ignorance or partiality of juries, a gentleman can have no -redress from law, for being defamed in a pamphlet or newspaper, I -know but one other method of proceeding against the publisher, -which is attended with some risque, but has been practised -successfully, more than once, in my remembrance -- A regiment of -horse was represented, in one of the newspapers, as having -misbehaved at Dettingen; a captain of that regiment broke the -publisher's bones, telling him, at the same time, if he went to -law, he should certainly have the like salutation from every -officer of the corps. Governor-- took the same satisfaction on the -ribs of an author, who traduced him by name in a periodical -paper -- I know a low fellow of the same class, who, being turned -out of Venice for his impudence and scurrility, retired to -Lugano, a town of the Grisons (a free people, God wot) where he -found a printing press, from whence he squirted his filth at some -respectable characters in the republic, which he had been obliged -to abandon. Some of these, finding him out of the reach of legal -chastisement, employed certain useful instruments, such as may be -found in all countries, to give him the bastinado; which, being -repeated more than once, effectually stopt the current of his -abuse. - -As for the liberty of the press, like every other privilege, it -must be restrained within certain bounds; for if it is carried to -a branch of law, religion, and charity, it becomes one of the -greatest evils that ever annoyed the community. If the lowest -ruffian may stab your good name with impunity in England, will -you be so uncandid as to exclaim against Italy for the practice -of common assassination? To what purpose is our property secured, -if our moral character is left defenceless? People thus baited, -grow desperate; and the despair of being able to preserve one's -character, untainted by such vermin, produces a total neglect of -fame; so that one of the chief incitements to the practice of -virtue is effectually destroyed. - -Mr Barton's last consideration, respecting the stamp-duty, is -equally wise and laudable with another maxim which has been long -adopted by our financiers, namely, to connive at drunkenness, -riot, and dissipation, because they inhance the receipt of the -excise; not reflecting, that in providing this temporary -convenience, they are destroying the morals, health, and industry -of the people -- Notwithstanding my contempt for those who flatter -a minister, I think there is something still more despicable in -flattering a mob. When I see a man of birth, education, and -fortune, put himself on a level with the dregs of the people, -mingle with low mechanics, feed with them at the same board, and -drink with them in the same cup, flatter their prejudices, -harangue in praise of their virtues, expose themselves to the -belchings of their beer, the fumes of their tobacco, the -grossness of their familiarity, and the impertinence of their -conversation, I cannot help despising him, as a man guilty of the -vilest prostitution, in order to effect a purpose equally selfish -and illiberal. - -I should renounce politics the more willingly, if I could find -other topics of conversation discussed with more modesty and -candour; but the daemon of party seems to have usurped every -department of life. Even the world of literature and taste is -divided into the most virulent factions, which revile, decry, and -traduce the works of one another. Yesterday, I went to return an -afternoon's visit to a gentleman of my acquaintance, at whose -house I found one of the authors of the present age, who has -written with some success -- As I had read one or two of his -performances, which gave me pleasure, I was glad of this -opportunity to know his person; but his discourse and deportment -destroyed all the impressions which his writings had made in his -favour. He took upon him to decide dogmatically upon every -subject, without deigning to shew the least cause for his -differing from the general opinions of mankind, as if it had been -our duty to acquiesce in the ipse dixit of this new Pythagoras. -He rejudged the characters of all the principal authors, who had -died within a century of the present time; and, in this revision, -paid no sort of regard to the reputation they had acquired -- -Milton was harsh and prosaic; Dryden, languid and verbose; Butler -and Swift without humour; Congreve, without wit; and Pope -destitute of any sort of poetical merit -- As for his -contemporaries, he could not bear to hear one of them mentioned -with any degree of applause -- They were all dunces, pedants, -plagiaries, quacks, and impostors; and you could not name a -single performance, but what was tame, stupid, and insipid. It -must be owned, that this writer had nothing to charge his -conscience with, on the side of flattery; for I understand, he -was never known to praise one line that was written, even by -those with whom he lived on terms of good fellowship. This -arrogance and presumption, in depreciating authors, for whose -reputation the company may be interested, is such an insult upon -the understanding, as I could not bear without wincing. - -I desired to know his reasons for decrying some works, which had -afforded me uncommon pleasure; and, as demonstration did not seem -to be his talent, I dissented from his opinion with great -freedom. Having been spoiled by the deference and humility of his -hearers, he did not bear contradiction with much temper; and the -dispute might have grown warm, had it not been interrupted by the -entrance of a rival bard, at whose appearance he always quits the -place -- They are of different cabals, and have been at open war -these twenty years -- If the other was dogmatical, this genius was -declamatory: he did not discourse, but harangue; and his orations -were equally tedious and turgid. He too pronounces ex cathedra -upon the characters of his contemporaries; and though he scruples -not to deal out praise, even lavishly, to the lowest reptile in -Grubstreet who will either flatter him in private, or mount the -public rostrum as his panegyrist, he damns all the other writers -of the age, with the utmost insolence and rancour -- One is a -blunderbuss, as being a native of Ireland; another, a half-starved -louse of literature, from the banks of the Tweed; a -third, an ass, because he enjoys a pension from the government; a -fourth, the very angel of -dulness, because he succeeded in a species of writing in which -this Aristarchus had failed; a fifth, who presumed to make -strictures upon one of his performances, he holds as a bug in -criticism, whose stench is more offensive than his sting -- In -short, except himself and his myrmidons, there is not a man of -genius or learning in the three kingdoms. As for the success of -those, who have written without the pale of this confederacy, he -imputes it entirely to want of taste in the public; not -considering, that to the approbation of that very tasteless -public, he himself owes all the consequence he has in life. - -Those originals are not fit for conversation. If they would -maintain the advantage they have gained by their writing, they -should never appear but upon paper -- For my part, I am shocked to -find a man have sublime ideas in his head, and nothing but -illiberal sentiments in his heart -- The human soul will be -generally found most defective in the article of candour -- I am -inclined to think, no mind was ever wholly exempt from envy; -which, perhaps, may have been implanted, as an instinct essential -to our nature. I am afraid we sometimes palliate this vice, under -the spacious name of emulation. I have known a person remarkably -generous, humane, moderate, and apparently self-denying, who -could not hear even a friend commended, without betraying marks -of uneasiness; as if that commendation had implied an odious -comparison to his prejudice, and every wreath of praise added to -the other's character, was a garland plucked from his own -temples. This is a malignant species of jealousy, of which I -stand acquitted in my own conscience. - -Whether it is a vice, or an infirmity, I leave you to inquire. - -There is another point, which I would much rather see determined; -whether the world was always as contemptible, as it appears to me -at present? -- If the morals of mankind have not contracted an -extraordinary degree of depravity, within these thirty years, -then must I be infected with the common vice of old men, -difficilis, querulus, laudator temporis acti; or, which is more -probable, the impetuous pursuits and avocations of youth have -formerly hindered me from observing those rotten parts of human -nature, which now appear so offensively to my observation. - -We have been at court, and 'change, and every where; and every -where we find food for spleen, and subject for ridicule -- My new -servant, Humphry Clinker, turns out a great original: and Tabby -is a changed creature -- She has parted with Chowder; and does -nothing but smile, like Malvolio in the play -- I'll be hanged if -she is not acting a part which is not natural to her disposition, -for some purpose which I have not yet discovered. - -With respect to the characters of mankind, my curiosity is quite -satisfied: I have done with the science of men, and must now -endeavour to amuse myself with the novelty of things. I am, at -present, by a violent effort of the mind, forced from my natural -bias; but this power ceasing to act, I shall return to my -solitude with redoubled velocity. Every thing I see, and hear, -and feel, in this great reservoir of folly, knavery, and -sophistication, contributes to inhance the value of a country -life, in the sentiments of - -Yours always, -MATT. BRAMBLE -LONDON, June 2. - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MARY JONES, - -Lady Griskin's botler, Mr Crumb, having got 'squire Barton to -frank me a kiver, I would not neglect to let you know how it is -with me, and the rest of the family. - -I could not rite by John Thomas, for because he went away in a -huff, at a minutes' warning. He and Chowder could not agree, and -so they fitt upon the road, and Chowder bitt his thumb, and he -swore he would do him a mischief, and he spoke saucy to mistress, -whereby the squire turned him off in gudgeon; and by God's -providence we picked up another footman, called Umphry Klinker; a -good sole as ever broke bread; which shews that a scalded cat may -prove a good mouser, and a hound be staunch, thof he has got -narro hare on his buttocks; but the proudest nose may be bro't to -the grinestone, by sickness and misfortunes. - -0 Molly! what shall I say of London? All the towns that ever I -beheld in my born-days, are no more than Welsh barrows and -crumlecks to this wonderful sitty! Even Bath itself is but a -fillitch, in the naam of God -- One would think there's no end of -the streets, but the land's end. Then there's such a power of -people, -going hurry skurry! Such a racket of coxes! Such a noise, and -haliballoo! So many strange sites to be seen! O gracious! my poor -Welsh brain has been spinning like a top ever since I came -hither! And I have seen the Park, and the paleass of Saint -Gimses, and the king's and the queen's magisterial pursing, and -the sweet young princes, and the hillyfents, and pye bald ass, -and all the rest of the royal family. - -Last week I went with mistress to the Tower, to see the crowns -and wild beastis; and there was a monstracious lion, with teeth -half a quarter long; and a gentleman bid me not go near him, if I -wasn't a maid; being as how he would roar, and tear, and play the -dickens -- Now I had no mind to go near him; for I cannot abide -such dangerous honeymils, not I -- but, mistress would go; and the -beast kept such a roaring and bouncing, that I tho't he would -have broke his cage and devoured us all; and the gentleman -tittered forsooth; but I'll go to death upon it, I will, that my -lady is as good a firchin, as the child unborn; and, therefore, -either the gentleman told a fib, or the lion oft to be set in the -stocks for bearing false witness agin his neighbour; for the -commandment sayeth, Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy -neighbour. - -I was afterwards of a party at Sadler's-wells, where I saw such -tumbling and dancing upon ropes and wires, that I was frightened -and ready to go into a fit -- I tho't it was all inchantment; and, -believing myself bewitched, began for to cry -- You knows as how -the witches in Wales fly upon broom-sticks: but here was flying -without any broom-stick, or thing in the varsal world, and firing -of pistols in the air, and blowing of trumpets, and swinging, and -rolling of wheel-barrows upon a wire (God bless us!) no thicker -than a sewing-thread; that, to be sure, they must deal with the -devil! -- A fine gentleman, with a pig's-tail, and a golden sord by -his side, come to comfit me, and offered for to treat me with a -pint of wind; but I would not stay; and so, in going through the -dark passage, he began to shew his cloven futt, and went for to -be rude: my fellow-sarvant, Umphry Klinker, bid him be sivil, and -he gave the young man a dowse in the chops; but, I fackins, Mr -Klinker wa'n't long in his debt -- with a good oaken sapling he -dusted his doublet, for all his golden cheese toaster; and, -fipping me under his arm, carried me huom, I nose not how, being -I was in such a flustration -- But, thank God! I'm now vaned from -all such vanities; for what are all those rarities and vagaries -to the glory that shall be revealed hereafter? O Molly! let not -your poor heart be puffed up with vanity. - -I had almost forgot to tell you, that I have had my hair cut and -pippered, and singed, and bolstered, and buckled, in the newest -fashion, by a French freezer -- Parley vow Francey -- Vee madmansell --- I now carries my head higher than arrow private gentlewoman of -Vales. Last night, coming huom from the meeting, I was taken by -lamp-light for an iminent poulterer's daughter, a great beauty -- -But as I was saying, this is all vanity and vexation of spirit -- -The pleasures of London are no better than sower whey and stale -cyder, when compared to the joys of the new Gerusalem. - -Dear Mary Jones! An please God when I return, I'll bring you a -new cap, with a turkey-shell coom, and a pyehouse sermon, that -was preached in the Tabernacle; and I pray of all love, you will -mind your vriting and your spilling; for, craving your pardon, -Molly, it made me suet to disseyffer your last scrabble, which -was delivered by the hind at Bath -- 0, voman! voman! if thou -had'st but the least consumption of what pleasure we scullers -have, when we can cunster the crabbidst buck off hand, and spell -the ethnitch vords without lucking at the primmer. As for Mr -Klinker, he is qualified to be a clerk to a parish -- But I'll say -no more -- Remember me to Saul -- poor sole! it goes to my hart to -think she don't yet know her letters -- But all in God's good time --- It shall go hard, but I will bring her the A B C in gingerbread; -and that, you nose, will be learning to her taste. - -Mistress says, we are going a long gurney to the North; but go -where we will, I shall ever be, - -Dear Mary Jones, -Yours with true infection -WIN. JENKINS -LONDON, June 3. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -I mentioned in my last, my uncle's design of going to the duke of -N--'s levee; which design has been executed accordingly. His -grace has been so long accustomed to this kind of homage, that -though the place he now fills does not imply the tenth part of -the influence, which he exerted in his former office, he has -given his friends to understand, that they cannot oblige him in -any thing more, than in contributing to support the shadow of -that power, which he no longer retains in substance; and -therefore he has still public days, on which they appear at his -levee. - -My uncle and I went thither with Mr Barton, who, being one of the -duke's adherents, undertook to be our introducer -- The room was -pretty well filled with people, in a great variety of dress; but -there was no more than one gown and cassock, though I was told -his grace had, while he was minister, preferred almost every -individual that now filled the bench of bishops in the house of -lords; but in all probability, the gratitude of the clergy is -like their charity, which shuns the light -- Mr Barton was -immediately accosted by a person well stricken in years, tall, -and raw-boned, with a hook-nose, and an arch leer, that -indicated, at least, as much cunning as sagacity. Our conductor -saluted him, by the name of captain C--, and afterwards informed -us he was a man of shrewd parts, whom the government occasionally -employed in secret services. But I have had the history of him -more at large, from another quarter. He had been, many years ago, -concerned in fraudulent practices, as a merchant, in France; and -being convicted of some of them, was sent to the gallies, from -whence he was delivered by the interest of the late duke of -Ormond, to whom he had recommended himself in letter, as his -name-sake and relation -- He was in the sequel, employed by our -ministry as a spy; and in the war of 1740, traversed all Spain, -as well as France, in the disguise of a capuchin, at the extreme -hazard of his life, in as much as the court of Madrid had -actually got scent of him, and given orders to apprehend him at -St Sebastian's, from whence he had fortunately retired but a few -hours before the order arrived. This and other hair-breadth -'scapes he pleaded so effectually as a merit with the English -ministry, that they allowed him a comfortable pension, which he -now enjoys in his old age -- He has still access to all the -ministers, and is said to be consulted by them on many subjects, -as a man of uncommon understanding and great experience -- He is, -in fact, a fellow of some parts, and invincible assurance; and, -in his discourse, he assumes such an air of self-sufficiency, as -may very well impose upon some of the shallow politicians, who -now labour at the helm of administration. But, if he is not -belied, this is not the only imposture of which he is guilty -- -They say, he is at bottom not only a Roman-catholic, but really a -priest; and while he pretends to disclose to our state-pilots all -the springs that move the cabinet of Versailles, he is actually -picking up intelligence for the service of the French minister. Be -that as it may, captain C-- entered into conversation with us in -the most familiar manner, and treated the duke's character -without any ceremony -- 'This wiseacre (said he) is still a-bed; -and, I think, the best thing he can do, is to sleep on till -Christmas; for, when he gets up, he does nothing but expose his -own folly. -- Since Grenville was turned out, there has been no -minister in this nation worth the meal that whitened his peri-wig --- They are so ignorant, they scarce know a crab from a -cauliflower; and then they are such dunces, that there's no -making them comprehend the plainest proposition -- In the beginning -of the war, this poor half-witted creature told me, in a great -fright, that thirty thousand French had marched from Acadie to -Cape Breton -- "Where did they find transports? (said I)" -"Transports (cried he) I tell you they marched by land" -- "By land -to the island of Cape Breton?" "What! is Cape Breton an island?" -"Certainly." "Ha! are you sure of that?" When I pointed it out in -the map, he examined it earnestly with his spectacles; then, -taking me in his arms, "My dear C--! (cried he) you always bring -us good news -- Egad! I'll go directly, and tell the king that Cape -Breton is an island."' - -He seemed disposed to entertain us with more anecdotes of this -nature, at the expense of his grace, when he was interrupted by -the arrival of the Algerine ambassador; a venerable Turk, with a -long white beard, attended by his dragoman, or interpreter, and -another officer of his household, who had got no stockings to his -legs -- Captain C-- immediately spoke with an air of authority to a -servant in waiting, bidding him go and tell the duke to rise, as -there was a great deal of company come, and, among others, the -ambassador from Algiers. Then, turning to us, 'This poor Turk -(said he) notwithstanding his grey beard, is a green-horn -- He has -been several years resident in London, and still is ignorant of -our -political revolutions. This visit is intended for the prime -minister of England; but you'll see how this wise duke will -receive it as a mark of attachment to his own person' -- Certain it -is, the duke seemed eager to acknowledge the compliment -- A door -opened, he suddenly bolted out; with a shaving-cloth under his -chin, his face frothed up to the eyes with soap lather; and -running up to the ambassador, grinned hideous in his face -- 'My -dear Mahomet! (said he) God love your long beard, I hope the dey -will make you a horsetail at the next promotion, ha, ha, ha! Have -but a moment's patience, and I'll send to you in a twinkling,' -- -So saying, he retired into his den, leaving the Turk in some -confusion. After a short pause, however, he said something to his -interpreter, the meaning of which I had great curiosity to know, -as he turned up his eyes while he spoke, expressing astonishment, -mixed with devotion. We were gratified by means of the -communicative captain C--, who conversed with the dragoman, as an -old acquaintance. Ibrahim, the ambassador, who had mistaken his -grace for the minister's fool, was no sooner undeceived by the -interpreter, than he exclaimed to this effect 'Holy prophet! I -don't wonder that this nation prospers, seeing it is governed by -the counsel of ideots; a series of men, whom all good mussulmen -revere as the organs of immediate inspiration!' Ibrahim was -favoured with a particular audience of short duration; after -which the duke conducted him to the door, and then returned to -diffuse his gracious looks among the crowd of his worshippers. - -As Mr Barton advanced to present me to his grace, it was my -fortune to attract his notice, before I was announced -- He -forthwith met me more than half way, and, seizing me by the hand, -'My dear Sir Francis! (cried he) this is so kind -- I vow to God! I -am so obliged -- Such attention to a poor broken minister. Well -- -Pray when does your excellency set sail? -- For God's sake have a -care of your health, and cat stewed prunes in the passage. Next to -your own precious health, pray, my dear excellency, take care of -the Five Nations -- Our good friends the Five Nations. The -Toryrories, the Maccolmacks, the Out-o'the-ways, the Crickets, -and the Kickshaws -- Let 'em have plenty of blankets, and -stinkubus, and wampum; and your excellency won't fail to scour -the kettle, and boil the chain, and bury the tree, and plant the -hatchet -- Ha, ha, ha!' When he had uttered this rhapsody, with his -usual precipitation, Mr Barton gave him to understand, that I was -neither Sir Francis, nor St Francis, but simply Mr Melford, -nephew to Mr Bramble; who, stepping forward, made his bow at the -same time. 'Odso! no more it is Sir Francis -- (said this wise -statesman) Mr Melford, I'm glad to see you -- I sent you an -engineer to fortify your dock -- Mr Bramble -- your servant, Mr -Bramble -- How d'ye, good Mr Bramble? Your nephew is a pretty young -fellow -- Faith and troth, a very pretty fellow! -- His father is my -old friend -- How does he hold it? Still troubled with that damned -disorder, ha?' 'No, my lord (replied my uncle), all his troubles -are over -- He has been dead these fifteen years.' 'Dead! how -- Yes -faith! now I remember: he is dead sure enough -- Well, and how -- -does the young gentleman stand for Haverford West? or -- a what -d'ye. My dear Mr Milfordhaven, I'll do you all the service in my -power I hope I have some credit left' -- My uncle then gave him to -understand, that I was still a minor; and that we had no -intention to trouble him at present, for any favour whatsoever -- -'I came hither with my nephew (added he) to pay our respects to -your grace; and I may venture to say, that his views and mine are -at least as disinterested as those of any individual in this -assembly.' 'My dear Mr Brambleberry! you do me infinite honour -- I -shall always rejoice to see you and your hopeful nephew, Mr -Milfordhaven -- My credit, such as it is, you may command -- I wish -we had more friends of your kidney.' - -Then, turning to captain C--, 'Ha, C--! (said he) what news, C--? -How does the world wag? ha!' 'The world wags much after the old -fashion, my lord (answered the captain): the politicians of -London and Westminster have begun again to wag their tongues -against your grace; and your short-lived popularity wags like a -feather, which the next puff of antiministerial calumny will blow -away' -- 'A pack of rascals (cried the duke) -- Tories, Jacobites, -rebels; one half of them would wag their heels at Tyburn, if they -had their deserts' -- So saying, he wheeled about; and going round -the levee, spoke to every individual, with the most courteous -familiarity; but he scarce ever opened his mouth without making -some blunder, in relation to the person or business of the party -with whom he conversed; so that he really looked like a comedian, -hired to burlesque the character of a minister -- At length, a -person of a very prepossessing appearance coming in, his grace -ran up, and, hugging him in his arms, with the appellation of 'My -dear Ch--s!' led him forthwith into the inner apartment, or -Sanctum Sanctorum of this political temple. 'That (said captain -C--) is my friend C-- T--, almost the only man of parts who has -any concern in the present administration -- Indeed, he would have -no concern at all in the matter, if the ministry did not find it -absolutely necessary to make use of his talents upon some -particular occasions -- As for the common business of the nation, -it is carried on in a constant routine by the clerks of the -different offices, otherwise the wheels of government would be -wholly stopt amidst the abrupt succession of ministers, every one -more ignorant than his predecessor -- I am thinking what a fine -hovel we should be in, if all the clerks of the treasury, the -secretaries, of the war-office, and the admiralty, should take it -in their heads to throw up their places in imitation of the great -pensioner --But, to return to C-- T--; he certainly knows more -than all the ministry and all the opposition, if their heads were -laid together, and talks like an angel on a vast variety of -subjects. He would really be a great man, if he had any -consistency or stability of character -- Then, it must be owned, he -wants courage, otherwise he would never allow himself to be cowed -by the great political bully, for whose understanding he has -justly a very great contempt. I have seen him as much afraid of -that overbearing Hector, as ever schoolboy was of his pedagogue; -and yet this Hector, I shrewdly suspect, is no more than a craven -at bottom -- Besides this defect, C-- has another, which he is at -too little pains to hide -- There's no faith to be given to his -assertions, and no trust to be put in his promises -- However, to -give the devil his due, he's very good-natured; and even -friendly, when close urged in the way of solicitation -- As for -principle, that's out of the question -- In a word, he is a wit and -an orator, extremely entertaining, and he shines very often at -the expence even of those ministers to whom he is a retainer. This -is a mark of great imprudence, by which he has made them all his -enemies, whatever face they may put upon the matter; and sooner -or later he'll have cause to wish he had been able to keep his -own counsel. I have several times cautioned him on this subject; -but 'tis all preaching to the desert -- His vanity runs away with -his discretion' -- I could not help thinking the captain himself -might have been the better for some hints of the same nature -- His -panegyric, excluding principle and veracity, puts me in mind of a -contest I once overheard, in the way of altercation, betwixt two -apple-women in Spring-garden -- One of those viragos having hinted -something to the prejudice of the other's moral character, her -antagonist, setting her hands in her sides, replied -- 'Speak out, -hussy -- I scorn your malice -- I own I'm both a whore and a thief; -and what more have you to say? -- Damn you, what more have you to -say? baiting that, which all the world knows, I challenge you to -say black is the white of my eye' -- We did not wait for Mr T--'s -coming forth; but after captain C-- had characterised all the -originals in waiting, we adjourned to a coffeehouse, where we had -buttered muffins and tea to breakfast, the said captain still -favouring us with his company -- Nay, my uncle was so diverted with -his anecdotes, that he asked him to dinner, and treated him with -a fine turbot, to which he did ample justice -- That same evening I -spent at the tavern with some friends, one of whom let me into C--'s -character, which Mr Bramble no sooner understood, than he -expressed some concern for the connexion he had made, and -resolved to disengage himself from it without ceremony. - -We are become members of the Society for the Encouragement of the -Arts, and have assisted at some of their deliberations, which -were conducted with equal spirit and sagacity -- My uncle is -extremely fond of the institution, which will certainly be -productive of great advantages to the public, if, from its -democratical form, it does not degenerate into cabal and -corruption -- You are already acquainted with his aversion to the -influence of the multitude, which, he affirms, is incompatible -with excellence, and subversive of order -- Indeed his detestation -of the mob has been heightened by fear, ever since he fainted in -the room at Bath; and this apprehension has prevented him from -going to the Little Theatre in the Hay-market, and other places -of entertainment, to which, however, I have had the honour to -attend the ladies. - -It grates old Square-toes to reflect, that it is not in his power -to enjoy even the most elegant diversions of the capital, without -the participation of the vulgar; for they now thrust themselves -into all assemblies, from a ridotto at St James's, to a hop at -Rotherhithe. I have lately seen our old acquaintance Dick Ivy, -who we imagined had died of dram-drinking; but he is lately -emerged from the Fleet, by means of a pamphlet which he wrote and -published against the government with some success. The sale of -this performance enabled him to appear in clean linen, and he is -now going about soliciting subscriptions for his Poems; but his -breeches are not yet in the most decent order. - -Dick certainly deserves some countenance for his intrepidity and -perseverance -- It is not in the power of disappointment, nor even -of damnation, to drive him to despair -- After some unsuccessful -essays in the way of poetry, he commenced brandy-merchant, and I -believe his whole stock ran out through his own bowels; then he -consorted with a milk-woman, who kept a cellar in Petty France: -but he could not make his quarters good; he was dislodged and -driven up stairs into the kennel by a corporal in the second -regiment of foot-guards -- He was afterwards the laureat of -Blackfriars, from whence there was a natural transition to the -Fleet -- As he had formerly miscarried in panegyric, he now turned -his thoughts to satire, and really seems to have some talent for -abuse. If he can hold out till the meeting of the parliament, and -be prepared for another charge, in all probability Dick will -mount the pillory, or obtain a pension, in either of which events -his fortune will be made -- Mean while he has acquired some degree -of consideration with the respectable writers of the age; and as -I have subscribed for his works, he did me the favour t'other -night to introduce me to a society of those geniuses; but I found -them exceedingly formal and reserved -- They seemed afraid and -jealous of one another, and sat in a state of mutual repulsion, -like so many particles of vapour, each surrounded by its own -electrified atmosphere. Dick, who has more vivacity than -judgment, tried more than once to enliven the conversation; -sometimes making an effort at wit, sometimes letting off a pun, -and sometimes discharging a conundrum; nay, at length he started -a dispute upon the hackneyed comparison betwixt blank verse and -rhyme, and the professors opened with great clamour; but, instead -of keeping to the subject, they launched out into tedious -dissertations on the poetry of the ancients; and one of them, who -had been a school-master, displayed his whole knowledge of -prosody, gleaned from Disputer and Ruddiman. At last, I ventured -to say, I did not see how the subject in question could be at all -elucidated by the practice of the ancients, who certainly had -neither blank verse nor rhyme in their poems, which were measured -by feet, whereas ours are reckoned by the number of syllables -- -This remark seemed to give umbrage to the pedant, who forthwith -involved himself in a cloud of Greek and Latin quotations, which -nobody attempted to dispel -- A confused hum of insipid -observations and comments ensued; and, upon the whole, I never -passed a duller evening in my life -- Yet, without all doubt, some -of them were men of learning, wit, and ingenuity. As they are -afraid of making free with one another, they should bring each -his butt, or whet-stone, along with him, for the entertainment of -the company -- My uncle says, he never desires to meet with more -than one wit at a time -- One wit, like a knuckle of ham in soup, -gives a zest and flavour to the dish; but more than one serves -only to spoil the pottage -- And now I'm afraid I have given you an -unconscionable mess, without any flavour at all; for which, I -suppose, you will bestow your benedictions upon - -Your friend, -and servant -J. MELFORD -LONDON, June 5 - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS - -Your fable of the monkey and the pig, is what the Italians call -ben trovata: but I shall not repeat it to my apothecary, who is a -proud Scotchman, very thin skinned, and, for aught I know, may -have his degree in his pocket -- A right Scotchman has always two -strings to his bow, and is in utrumque paratus -- Certain it is, I -have not 'scaped a scouring; but, I believe, by means of that -scouring, I have 'scaped something worse, perhaps a tedious fit -of the gout or rheumatism; for my appetite began to flag, and I -had certain croakings in the bowels, which boded me no good -- Nay, -I am not yet quite free of these remembrances, which warn me to -be gone from this centre of infection -- - -What temptation can a man of my turn and temperament have, to -live in a place where every corner teems with fresh objects of -detestation and disgust? What kind of taste and organs must those -people have, who really prefer the adulterate enjoyments of the -town to the genuine pleasures of a country retreat? Most people, -I know, are originally seduced by vanity, ambition, and childish -curiosity; which cannot be gratified, but in the busy haunts of -men: but, in the course of this gratification, their very organs -of sense are perverted, and they become habitually lost to every -relish of what is genuine and excellent in its own nature. - -Shall I state the difference between my town grievances, and my -country comforts? At Brambleton-hall, I have elbow-room within -doors, and breathe a clear, elastic, salutary air -- I enjoy -refreshing sleep, which is never disturbed by horrid noise, nor -interrupted, but in a-morning, by the sweet twitter of the -martlet at my window -- I drink the virgin lymph, pure and -chrystalline as it gushes from the rock, or the sparkling -beveridge, home-brewed from malt of my own making; or I indulge -with cyder, which my own orchard affords; or with claret of the -best growth, imported for my own use, by a correspondent on whose -integrity I can depend; my bread is sweet and nourishing, made -from my own wheat, ground in my own mill, and baked in my own -oven; my table is, in a great measure, furnished from my own -ground; my five-year old mutton, fed on the fragrant herbage of -the mountains, that might vie with venison in juice and flavour; -my delicious veal, fattened with nothing but the mother's milk, -that fills the dish with gravy; my poultry from the barn-door, -that never knew confinement, but when they were at roost; my -rabbits panting from the warren; my game fresh from the moors; my -trout and salmon struggling from the stream; oysters from their -native banks; and herrings, with other sea fish, I can eat in -four hours after they are taken -- My sallads, roots, and potherbs, -my own garden yields in plenty and perfection; the produce of the -natural soil, prepared by moderate cultivation. The same soil -affords all the different fruits which England may call her own, -so that my dessert is every day fresh-gathered from the tree; my -dairy flows with nectarious tildes of milk and cream, from whence -we derive abundance of excellent butter, curds, and cheese; and -the refuse fattens my pigs, that are destined for hams and bacon -- -I go to bed betimes, and rise with the sun -- I make shift to pass -the hours without weariness or regret, and am not destitute of -amusements within doors, when the weather will not permit me to -go abroad -- I read, and chat, and play at billiards, cards or -back-gammon -- Without doors, I superintend my farm, and execute -plans of improvements, the effects of which I enjoy with -unspeakable delight -- Nor do I take less pleasure in seeing my -tenants thrive under my auspices, and the poor live comfortably -by the employment which I provide -- You know I have one or two -sensible friends, to whom I can open all my heart; a blessing -which, perhaps, I might have sought in vain among the crowded -scenes of life: there are a few others of more humble parts, whom -I esteem for their integrity; and their conversation I find -inoffensive, though not very entertaining. Finally, I live in the -midst of honest men, and trusty dependents, who, I flatter -myself, have a disinterested attachment to my person. You, -yourself, my dear Doctor, can vouch for the truth of these -assertions. - -Now, mark the contrast at London -- I am pent up in frowzy -lodgings, where there is not room enough to swing a cat; and I -breathe the steams of endless putrefaction; and these would, -undoubtedly, produce a pestilence, if they were not qualified by -the gross acid of sea-coal, which is itself a pernicious nuisance -to lungs of any delicacy of texture: but even this boasted -corrector cannot prevent those languid, sallow looks, that -distinguish the inhabitants of London from those ruddy swains -that lead a country-life -- I go to bed after midnight, jaded and -restless from the dissipations of the day -- I start every hour -from my sleep, at the horrid noise of the watchmen bawling the -hour through every street, and thundering at every door; a set of -useless fellows, who serve no other purpose but that of -disturbing the repose of the inhabitants; and by five o'clock I -start out of bed, in consequence of the still more dreadful alarm -made by the country carts, and noisy rustics bellowing green -pease under my window. If I would drink water, I must quaff the -maukish contents of an open aqueduct, exposed to all manner of -defilement; or swallow that which comes from the river Thames, -impregnated with all the filth of London and Westminster -- Human -excrement is the least offensive part of the concrete, which is -composed of all the drugs, minerals, and poisons, used in -mechanics and manufacture, enriched with the putrefying carcasses -of beasts and men; and mixed with the scourings of all the wash-tubs, -kennels, and common sewers, within the bills of mortality. - -This is the agreeable potation, extolled by the Londoners, as the -finest water in the universe -- As to the intoxicating potion, sold -for wine, it is a vile, unpalatable, and pernicious -sophistication, balderdashed with cyder, corn-spirit, and the -juice of sloes. In an action at law, laid against a carman for -having staved a cask of port, it appeared from the evidence of -the cooper, that there were not above five gallons of real wine -in the whole pipe, which held above a hundred, and even that had -been brewed and adulterated by the merchant at Oporto. The bread -I cat in London, is a deleterious paste, mixed up with chalk, -alum, and bone-ashes; insipid to the taste, and destructive to -the constitution. The good people are not ignorant of this -adulteration -- but they prefer it to wholesome bread, because it -is whiter than the meal of corn: thus they sacrifice their taste -and their health, and the lives of their tender infants, to a -most absurd gratification of a mis-judging eye; and the miller, -or the baker, is obliged to poison them and their families, in -order to live by his profession. The same monstrous depravity -appears in their veal, which is bleached by repeated bleedings, -and other villainous arts, till there is not a drop of juice left -in the body, and the poor animal is paralytic before it dies; so -void of all taste, nourishment, and savour, that a man might dine -as comfortably on a white fricassee of kid-skin gloves; or chip -hats from Leghorn. - -As they have discharged the natural colour from their bread, -their butchers-meat, and poultry, their cutlets, ragouts, -fricassees and sauces of all kinds; so they insist upon having -the complexion of their potherbs mended, even at the hazard of -their lives. Perhaps, you will hardly believe they can be so mad -as to boil their greens with brass halfpence, in order to improve -their colour; and yet nothing is more true -- Indeed, without this -improvement in the colour, they have no personal merit. They are -produced in an artificial soil, and taste of nothing but the -dunghills, from whence they spring. My cabbage, cauliflower, and -'sparagus in the country, are as much superior in flavour to -those that are sold in Covent-garden, as my heath-mutton is to -that of St James's-market; which in fact, is neither lamb nor -mutton, but something betwixt the two, gorged in the rank fens of -Lincoln and Essex, pale, coarse, and frowzy -- As for the pork, it -is an abominable carnivorous animal, fed with horse-flesh and -distillers' grains; and the poultry is all rotten, in consequence -of a fever, occasioned by the infamous practice of sewing up the -gut, that they may be the sooner fattened in coops, in -consequence of this cruel retention. - -Of the fish, I need say nothing in this hot weather, but that it -comes sixty, seventy, fourscore, and a hundred miles by land-carriage; -a circumstance sufficient without any comment, to turn -a Dutchman's stomach, even if his nose was not saluted in every -alley with the sweet flavour of fresh mackarel, selling by retail. -This is not the season for oysters; nevertheless, it may not be -amiss to mention, that the right Colchester are kept in slime-pits, -occasionally overflowed by the sea; and that the green -colour, so much admired by the voluptuaries of this metropolis, -is occasioned by the vitriolic scum, which rises on the surface -of the stagnant and stinking water -- Our rabbits are bred and fed -in the poulterer's cellar, where they have neither air nor -exercise, consequently they must be firm in flesh, and delicious -in flavour; and there is no game to be had for love or money. - -It must be owned, the Covent-garden affords some good fruit; -which, however, is always engrossed by a few individuals of -overgrown fortune, at an exorbitant price; so that little else -than the refuse of the market falls to the share of the -community; and that is distributed by such filthy hands, as I -cannot look at without loathing. It was but yesterday that I saw -a dirty barrow-bunter in the street, cleaning her dusty fruit -with her own spittle; and, who knows but some fine lady of St -James's parish might admit into her delicate mouth those very -cherries, which had been rolled and moistened between the filthy, -and, perhaps, ulcerated chops of a St Giles's huckster -- I need -not dwell upon the pallid, contaminated mash, which they call -strawberries; soiled and tossed by greasy paws through twenty -baskets crusted with dirt; and then presented with the worst -milk, thickened with the worst flour, into a bad likeness of -cream: but the milk itself should not pass unanalysed, the -produce of faded cabbage-leaves and sour draff, lowered with hot -water, frothed with bruised snails, carried through the streets -in open pails, exposed to foul rinsings, discharged from doors -and windows, spittle, snot, and tobacco-quids from foot -passengers, overflowings from mud carts, spatterings from coach -wheels, dirt and trash chucked into it by roguish boys for the -joke's sake, the spewings of infants, who have slabbered in the -tin-measure, which is thrown back in that condition among the -milk, for the benefit of the next customer; and, finally, the -vermin that drops from the rags of the nasty drab that vends this -precious mixture, under the respectable denomination of milk-maid. - -I shall conclude this catalogue of London dainties, with that -table-beer, guiltless of hops and malt, vapid and nauseous; much -fitter to facilitate the operation of a vomit, than to quench -thirst and promote digestion; the tallowy rancid mass, called -butter, manufactured with candle grease and kitchen stuff; and -their fresh eggs, imported from France and Scotland. -- Now, all -these enormities might be remedied with a very little attention -to the article of police, or civil regulation; but the wise -patriots of London have taken it into their heads, that all -regulation is inconsistent with liberty; and that every man ought -to live in his own way, without restraint -- Nay, as there is not -sense enough left among them, to be discomposed by the nuisance I -have mentioned, they may, for aught I care, wallow in the mire of -their own pollution. - -A companionable man will, undoubtedly put up with many -inconveniences for the sake of enjoying agreeable society. A -facetious friend of mine used to say, the wine could not be bad, -where the company was agreeable; a maxim which, however, ought to -be taken cum grano salis: but what is the society of London, that -I should be tempted, for its sake, to mortify my senses, and -compound with such uncleanness as my soul abhors? All the people -I see, are too much engrossed by schemes of interest or ambition, -to have any room left for sentiment or friendship. Even in some of -my old acquaintance, those schemes and pursuits have obliterated -all traces of our former connexion -- Conversation is reduced to -party disputes, and illiberal altercation -- Social commerce, to -formal visits and card-playing -- If you pick up a diverting -original by accident, it may be dangerous to amuse yourself with -his oddities -- He is generally a tartar at bottom; a sharper, a -spy, or a lunatic. Every person you deal with endeavours to -overreach you in the way of business; you are preyed upon by idle -mendicants, who beg in the phrase of borrowing, and live upon the -spoils of the stranger -- Your tradesmen are without conscience, -your friends without affection, and your dependents without -fidelity. -- - -My letter would swell into a treatise, were I to particularize -every cause of offence that fills up the measure of my aversion -to this, and every other crowded city -- Thank Heaven! I am not so -far sucked into the vortex, but that I can disengage myself -without any great effort of philosophy -- From this wild uproar of -knavery, folly, and impertinence, I shall fly with double relish -to the serenity of retirement, the cordial effusions of -unreserved friendship, the hospitality and protection of the -rural gods; in a word, the jucunda oblivia Vitae, which Horace -himself had not taste enough to enjoy. -- - -I have agreed for a good travelling-coach and four, at a guinea a -day, for three months certain; and next week we intend to begin -our journey to the North, hoping still to be with you by the -latter end of October -- I shall continue to write from every stage -where we make any considerable halt, as often as anything occurs, -which I think can afford you the least amusement. In the mean -time, I must beg you will superintend the oeconomy of Barns, with -respect to my hay and corn harvests; assured that my ground -produces nothing but what you may freely call your own -- On any -other terms I should be ashamed to subscribe myself - -Your unvariable friend, -MATT. BRAMBLE -LONDON, June 8. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -In my last, I mentioned my having spent an evening with a society -of authors, who seemed to be jealous and afraid of one another. -My uncle was not at all surprised to hear me say I was -disappointed in their conversation. 'A man may be very -entertaining and instructive upon paper (said he), and -exceedingly dull in common discourse. I have observed, that those -who shine most in private company, are but secondary stars in the -constellation of genius -- A small stock of ideas is more easily -managed, and sooner displayed, than a great quantity crowded -together. There is very seldom any thing extraordinary in the -appearance and address of a good writer; whereas a dull author -generally distinguishes himself by some oddity or extravagance. -For this reason, I fancy, that an assembly of Grubs must be very -diverting.' - -My curiosity being excited by this hint, I consulted my friend -Dick Ivy, who undertook to gratify it the very next day, which -was Sunday last. He carried me to dine with S--, whom you and I -have long known by his writings. -- He lives in the skirts of the -town, and every Sunday his house is opened to all unfortunate -brothers of the quill, whom he treats with beef, pudding, and -potatoes, port, punch, and Calvert's entire butt beer. He has -fixed upon the first day of the week for the exercise of his -hospitality, because some of his guests could not enjoy it on any -other, for reasons that I need not explain. I was civilly -received in a plain, yet decent habitation, which opened -backwards into a very pleasant garden, kept in excellent order; -and, indeed, I saw none of the outward signs of authorship, -either in the house or the landlord, who is one of those few -writers of the age that stand upon their own foundation, without -patronage, and above dependence. If there was nothing -characteristic in the entertainer, the company made ample amends -for his want of singularity. - -At two in the afternoon, I found myself one of ten messmates -seated at table; and, I question, if the whole kingdom could -produce such another assemblage of originals. Among their -peculiarities, I do not mention those of dress, which may be -purely accidental. What struck me were oddities originally -produced by affectation, and afterwards confirmed by habit. One -of them wore spectacles at dinner, and another his hat flapped; -though (as Ivy told me) the first was noted for having a seaman's -eye, when a bailiff was in the wind; and the other was never -known to labour under any weakness or defect of vision, except -about five years ago, when he was complimented with a couple of -black eyes by a player, with whom he had quarrelled in his drink. -A third wore a laced stocking, and made use of crutches, because, -once in his life, he had been laid up with a broken leg, though -no man could leap over a stick with more agility. A fourth had -contracted such an antipathy to the country, that he insisted -upon sitting with his back towards the window that looked into -the garden, and when a dish of cauliflower was set upon the -table, he snuffed up volatile salts to keep him from fainting; -yet this delicate person was the son of a cottager, born under a -hedge, and had many years run wild among asses on a common. A -fifth affected distraction. When spoke to, he always answered from -the purpose sometimes he suddenly started up, and rapped out a -dreadful oath sometimes he burst out a-laughing -- then he folded -his arms, and sighed and then, he hissed like fifty serpents. - -At first I really thought he was mad, and, as he sat near me, -began to be under some apprehensions for my own safety, when our -landlord, perceiving me alarmed, assured me aloud that I had -nothing to fear. 'The gentleman (said he) is trying to act a part -for which he is by no means qualified -- if he had all the -inclination in the world, it is not in his power to be mad. His -spirits are too flat to be kindled into frenzy.' ''Tis no bad p-p-puff, -however (observed a person in a tarnished laced coat): -aff-ffected in-madness w-will p-pass for w-wit w-with nine-ninet-teen -out of t-twenty.' -- 'And affected stuttering for humour: -replied our landlord, tho', God knows, there is an affinity -betwixt them.' It seems, this wag, after having made some -abortive attempts in plain speaking, had recourse to this defect, -by means of which he frequently extorted the laugh of the -company, without the least expence of genius; and that -imperfection, which he had at first counterfeited, was now become -so habitual, that he could not lay it aside. - -A certain winking genius, who wore yellow gloves at dinner, had, -on his first introduction, taken such offence at S--, because he -looked and talked, and ate and drank like any other man, that he -spoke contemptuously of his understanding ever after, and never -would repeat his visit, until he had exhibited the following -proof of his caprice. Wat Wyvil, the poet, having made some -unsuccessful advances towards an intimacy with S--, at last gave -him to understand, by a third person, that he had written a poem -in his praise, and a satire against his person; that if he would -admit him to his house, the first should be immediately sent to -press; but that if he persisted in declining his friendship, he -would publish his satire without delay. S-- replied, that he -looked upon Wyvil's panegyrick, as in effect, a species of -infamy, and would resent it accordingly with a good cudgel; but -if he published the satire, he might deserve his compassion, and -had nothing to fear from his revenge. Wyvil having considered the -alternative, resolved to mortify S-- by printing the panegyrick, -for which he received a sound drubbing. Then he swore the peace -against the aggressor, who, in order to avoid a prosecution at -law, admitted him to his good graces. It was the singularity in -S--'s conduct, on this occasion, that reconciled him to the -yellow-gloved philosopher, who owned he had some genius, and from -that period cultivated his acquaintance. - -Curious to know upon what subjects the several talents of my -fellow-guests were employed, I applied to my communicative friend -Dick Ivy, who gave me to understand, that most of them were, or -had been, understrappers, or journeymen, to more creditable -authors, for whom they translated, collated, and compiled, in the -business of bookmaking; and that all of them had, at different -times, laboured in the service of our landlord, though they had -now set up for themselves in various departments of literature. -Not only their talents, but also their nations and dialects were -so various, that our conversation resembled the confusion of -tongues at Babel. We had the Irish brogue, the Scotch accent, and -foreign idiom, twanged off by the most discordant vociferation; -for, as they all spoke together, no man had any chance to be -heard, unless he could bawl louder than his fellows. It must be -owned, however, there was nothing pedantic in their discourse; -they carefully avoided all learned disquisitions, and endeavoured -to be facetious; nor did their endeavours always miscarry -- some -droll repartee passed, and much laughter was excited; and if any -individual lost his temper so far as to transgress the bounds of -decorum, he was effectually checked by the master of the feast, -who exerted a sort of paternal authority over this irritable -tribe. - -The most learned philosopher of the whole collection, who had -been expelled the university for atheism, has made great progress -in a refutation of lord Bolingbroke's metaphysical works, which -is said to be equally ingenious, and orthodox; but, in the mean -time, he has been presented to the grand jury as a public -nuisance, for having blasphemed in an ale-house on the Lord's -day. The Scotchman gives lectures on the pronunciation of the -English language, which he is now publishing by subscription. - -The Irishman is a political writer, and goes by the name of my -Lord Potatoe. He wrote a pamphlet in vindication of a minister, -hoping his zeal would be rewarded with some place or pension; -but, finding himself neglected in that quarter, he whispered -about, that the pamphlet was written by the minister himself, and -he published an answer to his own production. In this, he -addressed the author under the title of your lordship with such -solemnity, that the public swallowed the deceit, and bought up -the whole impression. The wise politicians of the metropolis -declared they were both masterly performances, and chuckled over -the flimsy reveries of an ignorant garretteer, as the profound -speculations of a veteran statesman, acquainted with all the -secrets of the cabinet. The imposture was detected in the sequel, -and our Hibernian pamphleteer retains no part of his assumed -importance, but the bare title of my lord. and the upper part of -the table at the potatoe-ordinary in Shoelane. - -Opposite to me sat a Piedmontese, who had obliged the public with -a humorous satire, intituled, The Ballance of the English Poets, -a performance which evinced the great modesty and taste of the -author, and, in particular, his intimacy with the elegancies of -the English language. The sage, who laboured under the -agrophobia, or horror of green fields, had just finished a -treatise on practical agriculture, though, in fact, he had never -seen corn growing in his life, and was so ignorant of grain, that -our entertainer, in the face of the whole company, made him own, -that a plate of hominy was the best rice pudding he had ever eat. - -The stutterer had almost finished his travels through Europe and -part of Asia, without ever budging beyond the liberties of the -King's Bench, except in term-time, with a tipstaff for his -companion; and as for little Tim Cropdale, the most facetious -member of the whole society, he had happily wound up the -catastrophe of a virgin tragedy, from the exhibition of which he -promised himself a large fund of profit and reputation. Tim had -made shift to live many years by writing novels, at the rate of -five pounds a volume; but that branch of business is now -engrossed by female authors, who publish merely for the -propagation of virtue, with so much ease and spirit, and -delicacy, and knowledge of the human heart, and all in the serene -tranquillity of high life, that the reader is not only inchanted -by their genius, but reformed by their morality. - -After dinner, we adjourned into the garden, where, I observed, Mr -S-- gave a short separate audience to every individual in a small -remote filbert walk, from whence most of them dropt off one after -another, without further ceremony; but they were replaced by -fresh recruits of the same clan, who came to make an afternoon's -visit; and, among others, a spruce bookseller, called Birkin, who -rode his own gelding, and made his appearance in a pair of new -jemmy boots, with massy spurs of plate. It was not without -reason, that this midwife of the Muses used exercise a-horseback, -for he was too fat to walk a-foot, and he underwent some sarcasms -from Tim Cropdale, on his unwieldy size and inaptitude for -motion. Birkin, who took umbrage at this poor author's petulance -in presuming to joke upon a man so much richer than himself, told -him, he was not so unwieldy but that he could move the Marshalsea -court for a writ, and even overtake him with it, if he did not -very speedily come and settle accounts with him, respecting the -expence of publishing his last ode to the king of Prussia, of -which he had sold but three, and one of them was to Whitfield the -methodist. Tim affected to receive this intimation with good -humour, saying, he expected in a post or two, from Potsdam, a -poem of thanks from his Prussian majesty, who knew very well how -to pay poets in their own coin; but, in the mean time, he -proposed, that Mr Birkin and he should run three times round the -garden for a bowl of punch, to be drank at Ashley's in the -evening, and he would run boots against stockings. The -bookseller, who valued himself upon his mettle, was persuaded to -accept the challenge, and he forthwith resigned his boots to -Cropdale, who, when he had put them on, was no bad representation -of captain Pistol in the play. - -Every thing being adjusted, they started together with great -impetuosity, and, in the second round, Birkin had clearly the -advantage, larding the lean earth as he puff'd along. Cropdale -had no mind to contest the victory further; but, in a twinkling, -disappeared through the back-door of the garden, which opened -into a private lane, that had communication with the high road.-- -The spectators immediately began to hollow, 'Stole away!' and -Birkin set off in pursuit of him with great eagerness; but he had -not advanced twenty yards in the lane, when a thorn running into -his foot, sent him hopping back into the garden, roaring with -pain, and swearing with vexation. When he was delivered from this -annoyance by the Scotchman, who had been bred to surgery, he -looked about him wildly, exclaiming, 'Sure, the fellow won't be -such a rogue as to run clear away with my boots!' Our landlord, -having reconnoitered the shoes he had left, which, indeed, hardly -deserved that name, 'Pray (said he), Mr Birkin, wa'n't your boots -made of calf-skin?' 'Calf-skin or cow-skin (replied the other) -I'll find a slip of sheep-skin that will do his business -- I lost -twenty pounds by his farce which you persuaded me to buy -- I am -out of pocket five pounds by his damn'd ode; and now this pair of -boots, bran new, cost me thirty shillings, as per receipt -- But -this affair of the boots is felony -- transportation. -- I'll have -the dog indicted at the Old Bailey -- I will, Mr S-- I will be -reveng'd, even though I should lose my debt in consequence of his -conviction.' - -Mr S-- said nothing at present, but accommodated him with a pair -of shoes; then ordered his servant to rub him down, and comfort -him with a glass of rum-punch, which seemed, in a great measure, -to cool the rage of his indignation. 'After all (said our -landlord) this is no more than a humbug in the way of wit, though -it deserves a more respectable epithet, when considered as an -effort of invention. Tim, being (I suppose) out of credit with -the cordwainer, fell upon this ingenious expedient to supply the -want of shoes, knowing that Mr Birkin, who loves humour, would -himself relish the joke upon a little recollection. Cropdale -literally lives by his wit, which he has exercised upon all his -friends in their turns. He once borrowed my poney for five or six -days to go to Salisbury, and sold him in Smithfield at his -return. This was a joke of such a serious nature, that, in the -first transports of my passion, I had some thoughts of -prosecuting him for horse-stealing; and even -when my resentment had in some measure subsided, as he -industriously avoided me, I vowed, I would take satisfaction on -his ribs with the first opportunity. One day, seeing him at some -distance in the street, coming towards me, I began to prepare my -cane for action, and walked in the shadow of a porter, that he -might not perceive me soon enough to make his escape; but, in the -very instant I had lifted up the instrument of correction, I -found Tim Cropdale metamorphosed into a miserable blind wretch, -feeling his way with a long stick from post to post, and rolling -about two bald unlighted orbs instead of eyes. I was exceedingly -shocked at having so narrowly escaped the concern and disgrace -that would have attended such a misapplication of vengeance: but, -next day, Tim prevailed upon a friend of mine to come and solicit -my forgiveness, and offer his note, payable in six weeks, for the -price of the poney. This gentleman gave me to understand, that -the blind man was no other than Cropdale, who having seen me -advancing, and guessing my intent, had immediately converted -himself into the object aforesaid -- I was so diverted at the -ingenuity of the evasion, that I agreed to pardon his offence, -refusing his note, however, that I might keep a prosecution for -felony hanging over his head, as a security for his future good -behaviour -- But Timothy would by no means trust himself in my -hands till the note was accepted -- then he made his appearance at -my door as a blind beggar, and imposed in such a manner upon my -man, who had been his old acquaintance and pot-companion, that -the fellow threw the door in his face, and even threatened to -give him the bastinado. Hearing a noise in the hall, I went -thither, and immediately recollecting the figure I had passed in -the street, accosted him by his own name, to the unspeakable -astonishment of the footman.' - -Birkin declared he loved a joke as well as another; but asked if -any of the company could tell where Mr Cropdale lodged, that he -might send him a proposal about restitution, before the boots -should be made away with. 'I would willingly give him a pair of -new shoes (said he), and half a guinea into the bargain' for the -boots, which fitted me like a glove; and I shan't be able to get -the fellows of them 'till the good weather for riding is over. -The stuttering wit declared, that the only secret which Cropdale -ever kept, was the place of his lodgings; but he believed, that, -during the heats of summer, he commonly took his repose upon a -bulk, or indulged himself, in fresco, with one of the kennel-nymphs, -under the portico of St Martin's church. 'Pox on him! -(cried the bookseller) he might as well have taken my whip and -spurs. In that case, he might have been tempted to steal another -horse, and then he would have rid to the devil of course.' - -After coffee, I took my leave of Mr S--, with proper -acknowledgments of his civility, and was extremely well pleased -with the entertainment of the day, though not yet satisfied, with -respect to the nature of this connexion, betwixt a man of -character in the literary world, and a parcel of authorlings, -who, in all probability, would never be able to acquire any -degree of reputation by their labours. On this head I -interrogated my conductor, Dick Ivy, who answered me to this -effect -- 'One would imagine S-- had some view to his own interest, -in giving countenance and assistance to those people, whom he -knows to be bad men, as well as bad writers; but, if he has any -such view, he will find himself disappointed; for if he is so -vain as to imagine he can make them, subservient to his schemes -of profit or ambition, they are cunning enough to make him their -property in the mean time. There is not one of the company you -have seen to-day (myself excepted) who does not owe him -particular obligations -- One of them he bailed out of a spunging-house, -and afterwards paid the debt -- another he translated into -his family, and clothed, when he was turned out half naked from -jail in consequence of an act for the relief of insolvent -debtors -- a third, who was reduced to a woollen night cap, and -lived upon sheeps trotters, up three pair of stairs backward in -Butcher-row, he took into present pay and free quarters, and -enabled him to appear as a gentleman, without having the fear of -sheriff's officers before his eyes. Those who are in distress he -supplies with money when he has it, and with his credit when he -is out of cash. When they want business, he either finds -employment for them in his own service, or recommends them to -booksellers to execute some project he has formed for their -subsistence. They are always welcome to his table (which though -plain, is plentiful) and to his good offices as far as they will -go, and when they see Occasion, they make use of his name with -the most petulant familiarity; nay, they do not even scruple to -arrogate to themselves the merit of some of his performances, and -have been known to sell their own lucubrations as the produce of -his brain. The Scotchman you saw at dinner once personated him at -an alehouse in West-Smithfield and, in the character of S--, had -his head broke by a cow-keeper, for having spoke disrespectfully -of the Christian religion; but he took the law of him in his own -person, and the assailant was fain to give him ten pounds to -withdraw his action.' - -I observed, that all this appearance of liberality on the side of -Mr S-- was easily accounted for, on the supposition that they -flattered him in private, and engaged his adversaries in public; -and yet I was astonished, when I recollected that I often had -seen this writer virulently abused in papers, poems, and -pamphlets, and not a pen was drawn in his defence 'But you will -be more astonished (said he) when I assure you, those very guests -whom you saw at his table to-day, were the authors of great part -of that abuse; and he himself is well aware of their particular -favours, for they are all eager to detect and betray one -another.' 'But this is doing the devil's work for nothing (cried -I). What should induce them to revile their benefactor without -provocation?' 'Envy (answered Dick) is the general incitement; -but they are galled by an additional scourge of provocation. S-- -directs a literary journal, in which their productions are -necessarily brought to trial; and though many of them have been -treated with such lenity and favour as they little deserved, yet -the slightest censure, such as, perhaps, could not be avoided -with any pretensions to candour and impartiality, has rankled in -the hearts of those authors to such a degree, that they have -taken immediate vengeance on the critic in anonymous libels, -letters, and lampoons. Indeed, all the writers of the age, good, -bad, and indifferent, from the moment he assumed this office, -became his enemies, either professed or in petto, except those of -his friends who knew they had nothing to fear from his -strictures; and he must be a wiser man than me who can tell what -advantage or satisfaction he derives from having brought such a -nest of hornets about his ears.' - -I owned, that was a point which might deserve consideration; but -still I expressed a desire to know his real motives for -continuing his friendship to a set of rascals equally ungrateful -and insignificant. -- He said, he did not pretend to assign any -reasonable motive; that, if the truth must be told, the man was, -in point of conduct, a most incorrigible fool; that, though he -pretended to have a knack at hitting off characters, he blundered -strangely in the distribution of his favours, which were -generally bestowed on the most undeserving of those who had -recourse to his assistance; that, indeed, this preference was not -so much owing to want of discernment as to want of resolution, -for he had not fortitude enough to resist the importunity even of -the most worthless; and, as he did not know the value of money, -there was very little merit in parting with it so easily; that -his pride was gratified in seeing himself courted by such a -number of literary dependents; that, probably, he delighted in -hearing them expose and traduce one another; and, finally, from -their information, he became acquainted with all the transactions -of Grubstreet, which he had some thoughts of compiling for the -entertainment of the public. - -I could not help suspecting, from Dick's discourse, that he had -some particular grudge against S--, upon whose conduct he had put -the worst construction it would bear; and, by dint of cross-examination, -I found he was not at all satisfied with the -character which had been given in the Review of his last -performance, though it had been treated civilly in consequence of -the author's application to the critic. By all accounts, S-- is not -without weakness and caprice; but he is certainly good-humoured -and civilized; nor do I find that there is any thing overbearing, -cruel, or implacable in his disposition. - -I have dwelt so long upon authors, that you will perhaps suspect -I intend to enroll myself among the fraternity; but, if I were -actually qualified for the profession, it is at best but a -desperate resource against starving, as it affords no provision -for old age and infirmity. Salmon, at the age of fourscore, is -now in a garret, compiling matter, at a guinea a sheet, for a -modern historian, who, in point of age, might be his grandchild; -and Psalmonazar, after having drudged half a century in the -literary mill, in all the simplicity and abstinence of an -Asiatic, subsists upon the charity of a few booksellers, just -sufficient to keep him from the parish, I think Guy, who was -himself a bookseller, ought to have appropriated one wing or ward -of his hospital to the use of decayed authors; though indeed, -there is neither hospital, college, nor workhouse, within the -bills of mortality, large enough to contain the poor of this -society, composed, as it is, from the refuse of every other -profession. - -I know not whether you will find any amusement in this account of -an odd race of mortals, whose constitution had, I own, greatly -interested the curiosity of - -Yours, -J. MELFORD -LONDON, June 10. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -There is something on my spirits, which I should not venture to -communicate by the post, but having the opportunity of Mrs -Brentwood's return, I seize it eagerly, to disburthen my poor -heart, which is oppressed with fear and vexation. -- O Letty! what -a miserable situation it is, to be without a friend to whom one -can apply for counsel and consolation in distress! I hinted in my -last, that one Mr Barton had been very particular in his -civilities: I can no longer mistake his meaning -- he has formally -professed himself my admirer; and, after a thousand assiduities, -perceiving I made but a cold return to his addresses, he had -recourse to the mediation of lady Griskin, who has acted the part -of a very warm advocate in his behalf: -- but, my dear Willis, her -ladyship over acts her part -- she not only expatiates on the ample -fortune, the great connexions, and the unblemished character of -Mr Barton, but she takes the trouble to catechise me; and, two -days ago, peremptorily told me, that a girl of my age could not -possibly resist so many considerations, if her heart was not pre-engaged. - -This insinuation threw me into such a flutter, that she could not -but observe my disorder; and, presuming upon the discovery, -insisted upon my making her the confidante of my passion. But, -although I had not such command of myself as to conceal the -emotion of my heart, I am not such a child as to disclose its -secret to a person who would certainly use them to its prejudice. -I told her, it was no wonder if I was out of countenance at her -introducing a subject of conversation so unsuitable to my years -and inexperience; that I believed Mr Barton was a very worthy -gentleman, and I was much obliged to him for his good opinion; -but the affections were involuntary, and mine, in particular, had -as yet made no concessions in his favour. She shook her head with -an air of distrust that made me tremble; and observed, that if my -affections were free, they would submit to the decision of -prudence, especially when enforced by the authority of those who -had a right to direct my conduct. This remark implied a design to -interest my uncle or my aunt, perhaps my brother, in behalf of Mr -Barton's passion; and I am sadly afraid that my aunt is already -gained over. Yesterday in the forenoon, he had been walking with -us in the Park, and stopping in our return at a toy-shop, he -presented her with a very fine snuff-box, and me with a gold -etuis, which I resolutely refused, till she commanded me to -accept it on pain of her displeasure: nevertheless, being still -unsatisfied with respect to the propriety of receiving this toy, -I signified my doubts to my brother, who said he would consult my -uncle on the subject, and seemed to think Mr Barton had been -rather premature in his presents. - -What will be the result of this consultation, Heaven knows; but I -am afraid it will produce an explanation with Mr Barton, who -will, no doubt, avow his passion, and solicit their consent to a -connexion which my soul abhors; for, my dearest Letty, it is not -in my power to love Mr Barton, even if my heart was untouched by -any other tenderness. Not that there is any thing disagreeable -about his person, but there is a total want of that nameless -charm which captivates and controuls the inchanted spirit at -least, he appears to me to have this defect; but if he had all -the engaging qualifications which a man can possess, they would -be excited in vain against that constancy, which, I flatter -myself, is the characteristic of my nature. No, my dear Willis, I -may be involved in fresh troubles, and I believe I shall, from -the importunities of this gentleman and the violence of my -relations; but my heart is incapable of change. - -You know I put no faith in dreams; and yet I have been much -disturbed by one that visited me last night. -- I thought I was in -a church, where a certain person, whom you know, was on the point -of being married to my aunt; that the clergyman was Mr Barton, -and that poor forlorn I, stood weeping in a corner, half naked, -and without shoes or stockings. -- Now, I know there is nothing so -childish as to be moved by those vain illusions; but, -nevertheless, in spite of all my reason, this hath made a strong -impression upon my mind, which begins to be very gloomy. Indeed, -I have another more substantial cause of affliction -- I have some -religious scruples, my dear friend, which lie heavy on my -conscience. -- I was persuaded to go to the Tabernacle, where I -heard a discourse that affected me deeply. -- I have prayed -fervently to be enlightened, but as yet I am not sensible of -these inward motions, those operations of grace, which are the -signs of a regenerated spirit; and therefore I begin to be in -terrible apprehensions about the state of my poor soul. Some of -our family have had very uncommon accessions, particularly my -aunt and Mrs Jenkins, who sometimes speak as if they were really -inspired; so that I am not like to want for either exhortation or -example, to purify my thoughts, and recall them from the vanities -of this world, which, indeed, I would willingly resign, if it was -in my power; but to make this sacrifice, I must be enabled by -such assistance from above as hath not yet been indulged to - -Your unfortunate friend, -LYDIA MELFORD -June 10. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -The moment I received your letter, I began to execute your -commission -- With the assistance of mine host at the Bull and -Gate, I discovered the place to which your fugitive valet had -retreated, and taxed him with his dishonesty -- The fellow was in -manifest confusion at sight of me, but he denied the charge with -great confidence, till I told him, that if he would give up the -watch, which was a family piece, he might keep the money and the -clothes, and go to the devil his own way, at his leisure; but if -he rejected this proposal, I would deliver him forthwith to the -constable, whom I had provided for that purpose, and he would -carry him before the justice without further delay. After some -hesitation, he desired to speak with me in the next room, where -he produced the watch, with all its appendages, and I have -delivered it to our landlord, to be sent you by the first safe -conveyance. - -So much for business. - -I shall grow vain, upon your saying you find entertainment in my -letters; barren, as they certainly are, of incident and -importance, because your amusement must arise, not from the -matter, but from the manner, which you know is all my own -- -Animated, therefore, by the approbation of a person, whose nice -taste and consummate judgment I can no longer doubt, I will -chearfully proceed with our memoirs -- As it is determined we shall -set out next week for Yorkshire, I went to-day in the forenoon -with my uncle to see a carriage, belonging to a coachmaker in our -neighbourhood -- Turning down a narrow lane, behind Longacre, we -perceived a crowd of people standing at a door; which, it seems, -opened into a kind of a methodist meeting, and were informed, -that a footman was then holding forth to the congregation within. -Curious to see this phoenomenon, we squeezed into the place with -much difficulty; and who should this preacher be, but the -identical Humphry Clinker. He had finished his sermon, and given -out a psalm, the first stave of which he sung with peculiar -graces -- But if we were astonished to see Clinker in the pulpit, -we were altogether confounded at finding all the females of our -family among the audience -- There was lady Griskin, Mrs Tabitha -Bramble, Mrs Winifred Jenkins, my sister Liddy, and Mr Barton, -and all of them joined in the psalmody, with strong marks of -devotion. - -I could hardly keep my gravity on this ludicrous occasion; but -old Square-toes was differently affected -- The first thing that -struck him, was the presumption of his lacquey, whom he commanded -to come down, with such an air of authority as Humphry did not -think proper to disregard. He descended immediately, and all the -people were in commotion. Barton looked exceedingly sheepish, -lady Griskin flirted her fan, Mrs Tabby groaned in spirit, Liddy -changed countenance, and Mrs Jenkins sobbed as if her heart was -breaking -- My uncle, with a sneer, asked pardon of the ladies, for -having interrupted their devotion, saying, he had particular -business with the preacher, whom he ordered to call a hackney-coach. -This being immediately brought up to the end of the lane, -he handed Liddy into it, and my aunt and I following him, we -drove home, without taking any further notice of the rest of the -company, who still remained in silent astonishment. - -Mr Bramble, perceiving Liddy in great trepidation, assumed a -milder aspect, bidding her be under no concern, for he was not at -all displeased at any thing she had done -- 'I have no objection -(said he) to your being religiously inclined; but I don't think -my servant is a proper ghostly director for a devotee of your sex -and character -- if, in fact (as I rather believe) your aunt is not -the sole conductress of, this machine' -- Mrs Tabitha made no -answer, but threw up the whites of her eyes, as if in the act of -ejaculation -- Poor Liddy, said, she had no right to the title of a -devotee; that she thought there was no harm in hearing a pious -discourse, even if it came from a footman, especially as her aunt -was present; but that if she had erred from ignorance, she hoped -he would excuse it, as she could not bear the thoughts of living -under his displeasure. The old gentleman, pressing her hand with -a tender smile, said she was a good girl, and that he did not -believe her capable of doing any thing that could give him the -least umbrage or disgust. - -When we arrived at our lodgings, he commanded Mr Clinker to -attend him up stairs, and spoke to him in these words -- 'Since you -are called upon by the spirit to preach and to teach, it is high -time to lay aside the livery of an earthly master; and for my -part, I am unworthy to have an apostle in my service' -- 'I hope -(said Humphry) I have not failed in my duty to your honour -- I -should be a vile wretch if I did, considering the misery from -which your charity and compassion relieved me -- but having an -inward admonition of the spirit --' 'An admonition of the devil -(cried the squire, in a passion) What admonition, you blockhead? -What right has such a fellow as you to set up for a reformer?' -'Begging your honour's pardon (replied Clinker) may not the new -light of God's grace shine upon the poor and the ignorant in -their humility, as well as upon the wealthy, and the philosopher -in all his pride of human learning?' 'What you imagine to be the -new light of grace (said his master) I take to be a deceitful -vapour, glimmering through a crack in your upper story -- In a -word, Mr Clinker, I will have no light in my family but what pays -the king's taxes, unless it be the light of reason, which you -don't pretend to follow.' - -'Ah, sir! (cried Humphry) the light of reason, is no more in -comparison to the light I mean, than a farthing candle to the sun -at noon' -- 'Very true (said uncle), the one will serve to shew you -your way, and the other to dazzle and confound your weak brain. -Heark ye, Clinker, you are either an hypocritical knave, or a -wrong-headed enthusiast; and in either case, unfit for my service. -If you are a quack in sanctity and devotion, you will find it an -easy matter to impose upon silly women, and others of crazed -understanding, who will contribute lavishly for your support. If -you are really seduced by the reveries of a disturbed -imagination, the sooner you lose your senses entirely, the better -for yourself and the community. In that case, some charitable -person might provide you with a dark room and clean straw in -Bedlam, where it would not be in your power to infect others with -your fanaticism; whereas, if you have just reflection enough left -to maintain the character of a chosen vessel in the meetings of -the godly, you and your hearers will be misled by a Will-i'the-wisp, -from one error into another, till you are plunged into -religious frenzy; and then, perhaps, you will hang yourself in -despair' 'Which the Lord of his infinite mercy forbid! (exclaimed -the affrighted Clinker) It is very possible I may be under the -temptation of the devil, who wants to wreck me on the rocks of -spiritual pride -- Your honour says, I am either a knave or a -madman; now, as I'll assure your honour, I am no knave, it -follows that I must be mad; therefore, I beseech your honour, -upon my knees, to take my case into consideration, that means may -be used for my recovery' - -The 'squire could not help smiling at the poor fellow's -simplicity, and promised to take care of him, provided he would -mind the business of his place, without running after the new -light of methodism: but Mrs Tabitha took offence at his humility, -which she interpreted into poorness of spirit and worldly -mindedness. She upbraided him with the want of courage to suffer -for conscience sake -- She observed, that if he should lose his -place for bearing testimony to the truth, Providence would not -fail to find him another, perhaps more advantageous; and, -declaring that it could not be very agreeable to live in a family -where an inquisition was established, retired to another room in -great agitation. - -My uncle followed her with a significant look, then, turning to -the preacher, 'You hear what my sister says -- If you cannot live -with me upon such terms as I have prescribed, the vineyard of -methodism lies before you, and she seems very well disposed to -reward your labour' -- 'I would not willingly give offence to any -soul upon earth (answered Humphry); her ladyship has been very -good to me, ever since we came to London; and surely she has a -heart turned for religious exercises; and both she and lady -Griskin sing psalms and hymns like two cherubims -- But, at the -same time, I'm bound to love and obey your honour -- It becometh -not such a poor ignorant fellow as me, to hold dispute with -gentlemen of rank and learning -- As for the matter of knowledge, I -am no more than a beast in comparison of your honour; therefore I -submit; and, with God's grace, I will follow you to the world's -end, if you don't think me too far gone to be out of confinement'. - -His master promised to keep him for some time longer on trial; -then desired to know in what manner lady Griskin and Mr Barton -came to join their religious society, he told him, that her -ladyship was the person who first carried my aunt and sister to -the Tabernacle, whither he attended them, and had his devotion -kindled by Mr W--'s preaching: that he was confirmed in this -new way, by the preacher's sermons, which he had bought and -studied with great attention: that his discourse and prayers had -brought over Mrs Jenkins and the house-maid to the same way of -thinking; but as for Mr Barton, he had never seen him at service -before this day, when he came in company with lady Griskin. -Humphry, moreover, owned that he had been encouraged to mount the -rostrum, by the example and success of a weaver, who was much -followed as a powerful minister: that on his first trial he found -himself under such strong impulsions, as made him believe he was -certainly moved by the spirit; and that he had assisted in lady -Griskin's, and several private houses, at exercises of devotion. - -Mr Bramble was no sooner informed, that her ladyship had acted as -the primum mobile of this confederacy, than he concluded she had -only made use of Clinker as a tool, subservient to the execution -of some design, to the true secret of which he was an utter -stranger -- He observed, that her ladyship's brain was a perfect -mill for projects; and that she and Tabby had certainly engaged -in some secret treaty, the nature of which he could not -comprehend. I told him I thought it was no difficult matter to -perceive the drift of Mrs Tabitha, which was to ensnare the heart -of Barton, and that in all likelihood my lady Griskin acted as -her auxiliary: that this supposition would account for their -endeavours to convert him to methodism; an event which would -occasion a connexion of souls that might be easily improved into -a matrimonial union. - -My uncle seemed to be much diverted by the thoughts of this -Scheme's succeeding; but I gave him to understand, that Barton -was pre-engaged: that he had the day before made a present of an -etuis to Liddy, which her aunt had obliged her to receive, with a -view, no doubt, to countenance her own accepting of a snuff-box -at the same time; that my sister having made me acquainted with -this incident, I had desired an explanation of Mr Barton, who -declared his intentions were honourable, and expressed his hope -that I would have no objections to his alliance; that I had -thanked him for the honour he intended our family; but told -him, it would be necessary to consult her uncle and aunt, who -were her guardians; and their approbation being obtained, I -could have no objection to his proposal; though I was persuaded -that no violence would be offered to my sister's inclinations, in -a transaction that so nearly interested the happiness of her -future life: that he had assured me, he should never think of -availing himself of a guardian's authority, unless he could -render his addresses agreeable to the young lady herself; and -that he would immediately demand permission of Mr and Mrs -Bramble, to make Liddy a tender of his hand and fortune. - -The squire was not insensible to the advantages of such a match, -and declared he would promote it with all his influence; but when -I took notice that there seemed to be an aversion on the side of -Liddy, he said he would sound her on the subject; and if her -reluctance was such as would not be easily overcome, he would -civilly decline the proposal of Mr Barton; for he thought that, -in the choice of a husband a young woman ought not to sacrifice -the feelings of her heart for any consideration upon earth -- -'Liddy is not so desperate (said he) as to worship fortune at -such an expence.' - -I take it for granted, this whole affair will end in smoke; -though there seems to be a storm brewing in the quarter of Mrs -Tabby, who sat with all the sullen dignity of silence at dinner, -seemingly pregnant with complaint and expostulation. As she had -certainly marked Barton for her own prey, she cannot possibly -favour his suit to Liddy; and therefore I expect something -extraordinary will attend his declaring himself my sister's -admirer. This declaration will certainly be made in form, as soon -as the lover can pick up resolution enough to stand the brunt of -Mrs Tabby's disappointment; for he is, without doubt, aware of -her designs upon his person -- The particulars of the denouement -you shall know in due season: mean while I am - -Always yours, -J. MELFORD -LONDON, June 10. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -The deceitful calm was of short duration. I am plunged again in a -sea of vexation, and the complaints in my stomach and bowels are -returned; so that I suppose I shall be disabled from prosecuting -the excursion I had planned -- What the devil had I to do, to come -a plague hunting with a leash of females in my train? Yesterday -my precious sister (who, by the bye, has been for some time a -professed methodist) came into my apartment, attended by Mr -Barton, and desired an audience with a very stately air -- 'Brother -(said she), this gentleman has something to propose, which I -flatter myself will be the more acceptable, as it will rid you of -a troublesome companion.' Then Mr Barton proceeded to this effect --- 'I am, indeed, extremely ambitious of being allied to your -family, Mr Bramble, and I hope you will see no cause to interpose -your authority.' 'As for authority (said Tabby, interrupting him -with some warmth), I know of none that he has a right to use on -this occasion -- If I pay him the compliment of making him -acquainted with the step I intend to take, it is all he can -expect in reason -- This is as much as I believe he would do by me, -if he intended to change his own situation in life -- In a word, -brother, I am so sensible of Mr Barton's extra ordinary merit, -that I have been prevailed upon to alter my resolution of living -a single life, and to put my happiness in his hands, by vesting -him with a legal title to my person and fortune, such as they -are. The business at present, is to have the writings drawn; and -I shall be obliged to you, if you will recommend a lawyer to me -for that purpose' - -You may guess what an effect this overture had upon me; who, from -the information of my nephew, expected that Barton was to make a -formal declaration of his passion for Liddy; I could not help -gazing in silent astonishment, alternately at Tabby, and her -supposed admirer, who last hung his head in the most aukward -confusion for a few minutes, and then retired on pretence of -being suddenly seized with a vertigo -- Mrs Tabitha affected much -concern, and would have had him make use of a bed in the house; -but he insisted upon going home, that he might have recourse of -some drops, which he kept for such emergencies, and his -innamorata acquiesced -- In the mean time I was exceedingly puzzled -at this adventure (though I suspected the truth) and did not know -in what manner to demean myself towards Mrs Tabitha, when Jery -came in and told me, he had just seen Mr Barton alight from his -chariot at lady Griskin's door -- This incident seemed to threaten -a visit from her ladyship, with which we were honoured -accordingly, in less than half an hour -- 'I find (said she) there -has been a match of cross purposes among you good folks; and I'm -come to set you to rights' -- So saying, she presented me with the -following billet - -'DEAR SIR, - -I no sooner recollected myself from the extreme confusion I was -thrown into, by that unlucky mistake of your sister, than I -thought it my duty to assure you, that my devoirs to Mrs Bramble -never exceeded the bounds of ordinary civility; and that my heart -is unalterably fixed upon Miss Liddy Melford, as I had the honour -to declare to her brother, when he questioned me upon that -subject -- Lady Griskin has been so good as to charge herself, not -only with the delivery of this note, but also with the task of -undeceiving Mrs Bramble, for whom I have the most profound -respect and veneration, though my affection being otherwise -engaged is no longer in the power of - -Sir, -Your very humble servant, -RALPH BARTON.' - -Having cast my eyes over this billet, I told her ladyship, that I -would no longer retard the friendly office she had undertaken: -and I and Jery forthwith retired into another room. There we soon -perceived the conversation grow very warm betwixt the two ladies; -and, at length, could distinctly hear certain terms of -altercation, which we could no longer delay interrupting, with -any regard to decorum. When we entered the scene of contention, -we found Liddy had joined the disputants, and stood trembling -betwixt them, as if she had been afraid they would have proceeded -to something more practical than words. Lady Griskin's face was -like the full moon in a storm of wind, glaring, fiery, and -portentous; while Tabby looked grim and ghastly, with an aspect -breathing discord and dismay. -- Our appearance put a stop to their -mutual revilings; but her ladyship turning to me, 'Cousin (said -she) I can't help saying I have met with a very ungrateful return -from this lady, for the pains I have taken to serve her family' -- -'My family is much obliged to your ladyship (cried Tabby, with a -kind of hysterical giggle); but we have no right to the good -offices of such an honourable go-between.' 'But, for all that, -good Mrs Tabitha Bramble (resumed the other), I shall be content -with the reflection, That virtue is its own reward; and it shall -not be my fault, if you continue to make yourself ridiculous -- Mr -Bramble, who has no little interest of his own to serve, will, no -doubt, contribute all in his power to promote a match betwixt Mr -Barton and his niece, which will be equally honourable and -advantageous; and, I dare say, Miss Liddy herself will have no -objection to a measure so well calculated to make her happy in -life' -- 'I beg your ladyship's pardon (exclaimed Liddy, with great -vivacity) I have nothing but misery to expect from such a -measure; and I hope my guardians will have too much compassion, -to barter my peace of mind for any consideration of interest or -fortune' -- 'Upon my word, Miss Liddy! (said she) you have profited -by the example of your good aunt -- I comprehend your meaning, and -will explain it when I have a proper opportunity -- In the mean -time, I shall take my leave -- Madam, your most obedient, and -devoted humble servant,' said she, advancing close up to my -sister, and curtsying so low, that I thought she intended to -squat herself down on the floor -- This salutation Tabby returned -with equal solemnity; and the expression of the two faces, while -they continued in this attitude, would be no bad subject for a -pencil like that of the incomparable Hogarth, if any such should -ever appear again, in these times of dullness and degeneracy. - -Jery accompanied her ladyship to her house, that he might have an -opportunity to restore the etuis to Barton, and advise him to -give up his suit, which was so disagreeable to his sister, -against whom, however, he returned much irritated -- Lady Griskin -had assured him that Liddy's heart was pre-occupied; and -immediately the idea of Wilson recurring to his imagination, his -family-pride took the alarm. He denounced vengeance against the -adventurer, and was disposed to be very peremptory with his -sister; but I desired he would suppress his resentment, until I -should have talked with her in private. - -The poor girl, when I earnestly pressed her on this head, owned -with a flood of tears, that Wilson had actually come to the Hot -Well at Bristol, and even introduced himself into our lodgings as -a Jew pedlar; but that nothing had passed betwixt them, further -than her begging him to withdraw immediately, if he had any -regard for her peace of mind: that he had disappeared -accordingly, after having attempted to prevail upon my sister's -maid, to deliver a letter; which, however, she refused to -receive, though she had consented to carry a message, importing -that he was a gentleman of a good family; and that, in a very -little time, he would avow his passion in that character -- She -confessed, that although he had not kept his word in this -particular, he was not yet altogether indifferent to her -affection; but solemnly promised, she would never carry on any -correspondence with him, or any other admirer, for the future, -without the privity and approbation of her brother and me. - -By this declaration, she made her own peace with Jery; but the -hot-headed boy is more than ever incensed against Wilson, whom he -now considers as an impostor, that harbours some infamous design -upon the honour of his family -- As for Barton he was not a little -mortified to find his present returned, and his addresses so -unfavourably received; but he is not a man to be deeply affected -by such disappointments; and I know not whether he is not as well -pleased with being discarded by Liddy, as he would have been with -a permission to prosecute his pretensions, at the risque of being -every day exposed to the revenge or machinations of Tabby, who is -not to be slighted with impunity. -- I had not much time to -moralize on these occurrences; for the house was visited by a -constable and his gang, with a warrant from Justice Buzzard, to -search the box of Humphry Clinker, my footman, -- who was just -apprehended as a highwayman. This incident threw the whole family -into confusion. My sister scolded the constable for presuming to -enter the lodgings of a gentleman on such an errand, without -having first asked, and obtained permission; her maid was -frightened into fits, and Liddy shed tears of compassion for the -unfortunate Clinker, in whose box, however, nothing was found to -confirm the suspicion of robbery. - -For my own part, I made no doubt of the fellow's being mistaken -for some other person, and I went directly to the justice, in -order to procure his discharge; but there I found the matter much -more serious than I expected -- Poor Clinker stood trembling at the -bar, surrounded by thief-takers; and at a little distance, a -thick, squat fellow, a postilion, his accuser, who had seized him -on the street, and swore positively to his person, that the said -Clinker had, on the 15th day of March last, on Blackheath, robbed -a gentleman in a post-chaise, which he (the postilion) drove -- -This deposition was sufficient to justify his commitment; and he -was sent accordingly to Clerkenwell prison, whither Jery -accompanied him in the coach, in order to recommend him properly -to the keeper, that he may want for no convenience which the -place affords. - -The spectators, who assembled to see this highwayman, were -sagacious enough to discern something very villainous in his -aspect; which (begging their pardon) is the very picture of -simplicity; and the justice himself put a very unfavourable -construction upon some of his answers, which, he said, savoured -of the ambiguity and equivocation of an old offender; but, in my -opinion, it would have been more just and humane to impute them -to the confusion into which we may suppose a poor country lad to -be thrown on such an occasion. I am still persuaded he is -innocent; and, in this persuasion, I can do no less than use my -utmost endeavours that he may not be oppressed -- I shall, to-morrow, -send my nephew to wait on the gentleman who was robbed, -and beg; he will have the humanity to go and see the prisoner; -that, in case he should find him quite different from the person -of the highwayman, he may bear testimony in his behalf -- Howsoever -it may fare with Clinker, this cursed affair will be to me -productive of intolerable chagrin -- I have already caught a -dreadful cold, by rushing into the open air from the justice's -parlour, where I had been stewing in the crowd; and though I -should not be laid up with the gout, as I believe I shall, I must -stay at London for some weeks, till this poor devil comes to his -trial at Rochester; so that, in all probability, my northern -expedition is blown up. - -If you can find any thing in your philosophical budget, to -console me in the midst of these distresses and apprehensions, -pray let it be communicated to - -Your unfortunate friend, -MATT. BRAMBLE -LONDON, June 12. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -The farce is finished, and another piece of a graver cast brought -upon the stage. -- Our aunt made a desperate attack upon Barton, -who had no other way of saving himself, but by leaving her in -possession of the field, and avowing his pretensions to Liddy, by -whom he has been rejected in his turn. -- Lady Griskin acted as his -advocate and agent on this occasion, with such zeal as embroiled -her with Mrs Tabitha, and a high scene of altercation passed -betwixt these two religionists, which might have come to action, -had not my uncle interposed. They are however reconciled, in -consequence of an event which hath involved us all in trouble and -disquiet. You must know, the poor preacher, Humphry Clinker, is -now exercising his ministry among the felons in Clerkenwell -prison -- A postilion having sworn a robbery against him, no bail -could be taken, and he was committed to jail, notwithstanding all -the remonstrances and interest my uncle could make in his behalf. - -All things considered, the poor fellow cannot possibly be guilty, -and yet, I believe, he runs some risque of being hanged. Upon his -examination, he answered with such hesitation and reserve as -persuaded most of the people, who crowded the place, that he was -really a knave, and the justice's remarks confirmed their -opinion. Exclusive of my uncle and myself, there was only one -person who seemed inclined to favour the culprit. -- He was a young -man, well dressed, and, from the manner in which he cross-examined -the evidence, we took it for granted, that he was a -student in one of the inns of court. -- He freely checked the -justice for some uncharitable inferences he made to the prejudice -of the prisoner, and even ventured to dispute with his worship on -certain points of law. - -My uncle, provoked at the unconnected and dubious answers of -Clinker, who seemed in danger of falling a sacrifice to his own -simplicity, exclaimed, 'In the name of God, if you are innocent, -say so.' 'No (cried he) God forbid that I should call myself -innocent, while my conscience is burthened with sin.' 'What then, -you did commit this robbery?' resumed his master. 'No, sure (said -he) blessed be the Lord, I'm free of that guilt.' - -Here the justice interposed, observing, that the man seemed -inclined to make a discovery by turning king's evidence, and -desired the clerk to take his confession; upon which Humphry -declared, that he looked upon confession to be a popish fraud, -invented by the whore of Babylon. The Templar affirmed, that the -poor fellow was non compos; and exhorted the justice to discharge -him as a lunatic. -- 'You know very well (added he) that the -robbery in question was not committed by the prisoner.' - -The thief-takers grinned at one another; and Mr Justice Buzzard -replied with great emotion, 'Mr Martin, I desire you will mind -your own business; I shall convince you one of these days that I -understand mine.' In short, there was no remedy; the mittimus was -made out, and poor Clinker sent to prison in a hackney-coach, -guarded by the constable, and accompanied by your humble servant. -By the way, I was not a little surprised to hear this retainer to -justice bid the prisoner to keep up his spirits, for that he did -not at all doubt but that he would get off for a few weeks -confinement -- He said, his worship knew very well that Clinker was -innocent of the fact, and that the real highwayman who robbed the -chaise, was no other than that very individual Mr Martin, who had -pleaded so strenuously for honest Humphry. - -Confounded at this information, I asked, 'Why then is he suffered -to go about at his liberty, and this poor innocent fellow treated -as a malefactor?' 'We have exact intelligence of all Mr Martin's -transactions (said he); but as yet there is not evidence -sufficient for his conviction; and as for this young man, the -justice could do no less than commit him, as the postilion swore -point-blank to his identity.' 'So if this rascally postilion -should persist in the falsity to which he is sworn (said I), this -innocent lad may be brought to the gallows.' - -The constable observed, that he would have time enough to prepare -for his trial, and might prove an alibi; or, perhaps, Martin -might be apprehended and convicted for another fact; in which -case, he might be prevailed upon to take this affair upon -himself; or, finally, if these chances should fail, and the -evidence stand good against Clinker, the jury might recommend him -to mercy, in consideration of his youth, especially if this -should appear to be the first fact of which he had been guilty. - -Humphry owned he could not pretend to recollect where he had been -on the day when the robbery was committed, much less prove a -circumstance of that kind so far back as six months, though he -knew he had been sick of the fever and ague, which, however, did -not prevent him from going about -- then, turning up his eyes, he -ejaculated, 'The Lord's will be done! if it be my fate to suffer, -I hope I shall not disgrace the faith of which, though unworthy, -I make profession.' - -When I expressed my surprize that the accuser should persist in -charging Clinker, without taking the least notice of the real -robber who stood before him, and to whom, indeed, Humphry bore -not the smallest resemblance; the constable (who was himself a -thief-taker) gave me to understand, that Mr Martin was the best -qualified for business of all the gentlemen on the road he had -ever known; that he had always acted on his own bottom, without -partner or correspondent, and never went to work but when he was -cool and sober; that his courage and presence of mind never -failed him; that his address was genteel, and his behaviour void -of all cruelty and insolence; that he never encumbered himself -with watches or trinkets, nor even with bank-notes, but always -dealt for ready money, and that in the current coin of the -kingdom; and that he could disguise himself and his horse in such -a manner, that, after the action, it was impossible to recognize -either the one or the other -- 'This great man (said he) has -reigned paramount in all the roads within fifty miles of London -above fifteen months, and has done more business in that time, -than all the rest of the profession put together; for those who -pass through his hands are so delicately dealt with, that they -have no desire to give him the least disturbance; but for all -that, his race is almost run -- he is now fluttering about justice, -like a moth about a candle -- there are so many lime-twigs laid in -his way, that I'll bet a cool hundred, he swings before -Christmas.' - -Shall I own to you, that this portrait, drawn by a ruffian, -heightened by what I myself had observed in his deportment, has -interested me warmly in the fate of poor Martin, whom nature -seems to have intended for a useful and honourable member of that -community upon which he now preys for subsistence? It seems, he -lived some time as a clerk to a timber-merchant, whose daughter -Martin having privately married, was discarded, and his wife -turned out of doors. She did not long survive her marriage; and -Martin, turning fortune-hunter, could not supply his occasions -any other way, than by taking to the road, in which he has -travelled hitherto with uncommon success. -- He pays his respects -regularly to Mr Justice Buzzard, the thief-catcher-general of -this metropolis, and sometimes they smoke a pipe together very -lovingly, when the conversation generally turns upon the nature -of evidence. -- The justice has given him fair warning to take care -of himself, and he has received his caution in good part. -- -Hitherto he has baffled all the vigilance, art, and activity of -Buzzard and his emissaries, with such conduct as would have done -honour to the genius of a Caesar or a Turenne; but he has one -weakness, which has proved fatal to all the heroes of his tribe, -namely, an indiscreet devotion to the fair sex, and in all -probability, he will be attacked on this defenceless quarter. - -Be that as it may, I saw the body of poor Clinker consigned to -the gaoler of Clerkenwell, to whose indulgence I recommended him -so effectually, that he received him in the most hospitable -manner, though there was a necessity for equipping him with a -suit of irons, in which he made a very rueful appearance. The -poor creature seemed as much affected by my uncle's kindness, as -by his own misfortune. When I assured him, that nothing should be -left undone for procuring his enlargement, and making his -confinement easy in the mean time, he fell down on his knees, and -kissing my hand, which he bathed with his tears, '0 'squire! -(cried he, sobbing) what shall I say? -- I can't -- no, I can't -speak -- my poor heart is bursting with gratitude to you and my -dear -- dear generous -- noble benefactor.' - -I protest, the scene became so pathetic, that I was fain to force -myself away, and returned to my uncle, who sent me in the -afternoon with a compliment to one Mr Mead, the person who had -been robbed on Black-heath. As I did not find him at home, I left -a message, in consequence of which he called at our lodgings this -morning, and very humanely agreed to visit the prisoner. By this -time, lady Griskin had come to make her formal compliments of -condolance to Mrs Tabitha, on this domestic calamity; and that -prudent maiden, whose passion was now cooled, thought proper to -receive her ladyship so civilly, that a reconciliation -immediately ensued. These two ladies resolved to comfort the poor -prisoner in their own persons, and Mr Mead and I 'squired them to -Clerkenwell, my uncle being detained at home by some slight -complaints in his stomach and bowels. - -The turnkey, who received us at Clerkenwell, looked remarkably -sullen; and when we enquired for Clinker, 'I don't care, if the -devil had him (said he); here has been nothing but canting and -praying since the fellow entered the place. -- Rabbit him! the tap -will be ruined -- we han't sold a cask of beer, nor a dozen of -wine, since he paid his garnish -- the gentlemen get drunk with -nothing but your damned religion. -- For my part, I believe as how -your man deals with the devil. -- Two or three as bold hearts as -ever took the air upon Hounslow have been blubbering all night; -and if the fellow an't speedily removed by Habeas Corpus, or -otherwise, I'll be damn'd if there's a grain of true spirit left -within these walls we shan't have a soul to do credit to the -place, or make his exit like a true born Englishman -- damn my -eyes! there will be nothing but snivelling in the cart -- we shall -all die like so many psalm-singing weavers.' - -In short, we found that Humphry was, at that very instant, -haranguing the felons in the chapel; and that the gaoler's wife -and daughter, together with my aunt's woman, Win Jenkins, and -our house-maid, were among the audience, which we immediately -joined. I never saw any thing so strongly picturesque as this -congregation of felons clanking their chains, in the midst of -whom stood orator Clinker, expatiating in a transport of fervor, -on the torments of hell, denounced in scripture against evil-doers, -comprehending murderers, robbers, thieves, and whore -mongers. The variety of attention exhibited in the faces of those -ragamuffins, formed a groupe that would not have disgraced the -pencil of a Raphael. In one, it denoted admiration; in another, -doubt; in a third, disdain; in a fourth, contempt; in a fifth, -terror; in a sixth, derision; and in a seventh, indignation. -- As -for Mrs Winifred Jenkins, she was in tears, overwhelmed with -sorrow; but whether for her own sins, or the misfortune of -Clinker, I cannot pretend to say. The other females seemed to -listen with a mixture of wonder and devotion. The gaoler's wife -declared he was a saint in trouble, saying, she wished from her -heart there was such another good soul, like him, in every gaol -in England. - -Mr Mead, having earnestly surveyed the preacher, declared his -appearance was so different from that of the person who robbed -him on Black-heath, that he could freely make oath he was not the -man: but Humphry himself was by this time pretty well rid of all -apprehensions of being hanged; for he had been the night before -solemnly tried and acquitted by his fellow prisoners, some of -whom he had already converted to methodism. He now made proper -acknowledgments for the honour of our visit, and was permitted to -kiss the hands of the ladies, who assured him, he might depend -upon their friendship and protection. Lady Griskin, in her great -zeal, exhorted his fellow-prisoners to profit by the precious -opportunity of having such a saint in bonds among them, and turn -over a new leaf for the benefit of their poor souls; and, that -her admonition might have the greater effect, she reinforced it -with her bounty. - -While she and Mrs Tabby returned in the coach with the two -maidservants, I waited on Mr Mead to the house of justice -Buzzard, who, having heard his declaration, said his oath could -be of no use at present, but that he would be a material evidence -for the prisoner at his trial; so that there seems to be no -remedy but patience for poor Clinker; and, indeed, the same -virtue, or medicine, will be necessary for us all, the squire in -particular, who had set his heart upon his excursion to the -northward. - -While we were visiting honest Humphry in Clerkenwell prison, my -uncle received a much more extraordinary visit at his own -lodgings. Mr Martin, of whom I have made such honourable mention, -desired permission to pay him his respects, and was admitted -accordingly. He told him, that having observed him, at Mr -Buzzard's, a good deal disturbed by what had happened to his -servant, he had come to assure him he had nothing to apprehend -for Clinker's life; for, if it was possible that any jury could -find him guilty upon such evidence, he, Martin himself, would -produce in court a person, whose deposition would bring him off -clear as the sun at noon. -- Sure, the fellow would not be so -romantic as to take the robbery upon himself! -- He said, the -postilion was an infamous fellow, who had been a dabbler in the -same profession, and saved his life at the Old Bailey by -impeaching his companions; that being now reduced to great -poverty, he had made this desperate push, to swear away the life -of an innocent man, in hopes of having the reward upon his -conviction; but that he would find himself miserably -disappointed, for the justice and his myrmidons were determined -to admit of no interloper in this branch of business; and that he -did not at all doubt but that they would find matter enough to -shop the evidence himself before the next gaol-delivery. He -affirmed, that all these circumstances were well known to the -justice; and that his severity to Clinker was no other than a -hint to his master to make him a present in private, as an -acknowledgment of his candour and humanity. - -This hint, however, was so unpalatable to Mr Bramble, that he -declared, with great warmth, he would rather confine himself for -life to London, which he detested, than be at liberty to leave it -tomorrow, in consequence of encouraging corruption in a -magistrate. Hearing, however, how favourable Mr Mead's report had -been for the prisoner, he is resolved to take the advice of -counsel in what manner to proceed for his immediate enlargement. -I make no doubt, but that in a day or two this troublesome -business may be discussed; and in this hope we are preparing for -our journey. If our endeavours do not miscarry, we shall have -taken the field before you hear again from - -Yours, -J. MELFORD -LONDON, June 11 - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -Thank Heaven! dear Lewis, the clouds are dispersed, and I have -now the clearest prospect of my summer campaign, which, I hope, I -shall be able to begin to-morrow. I took the advice of counsel -with respect to the case of Clinker, in whose favour a lucky -incident has intervened. The fellow who accused him, has had his -own battery turned upon himself. -- Two days ago he was apprehended -for a robbery on the highway, and committed, on the evidence of -an accomplice. Clinker, having moved for a writ of habeas corpus, -was brought before the lord chief justice, who, in consequence of -an affidavit of the gentleman who had been robbed, importing that -the said Clinker was not the person who stopped him on the -highway, as well as in consideration of the postilion's character -and present circumstances, was pleased to order, that my servant -should be admitted to bail, and he has been discharged -accordingly, to the unspeakable satisfaction of our whole family, -to which he has recommended himself in an extraordinary manner, -not only by his obliging deportment, but by his talents of -preaching, praying, and singing psalms, which he has exercised -with such effect, that even Tabby respects him as a chosen -vessel. If there was any thing like affectation or hypocrisy in -this excess of religion, I would not keep him in my service, but, -so far as I can observe, the fellow's character is downright -simplicity, warmed with a kind of enthusiasm, which renders him -very susceptible of gratitude and attachment to his benefactors. - -As he is an excellent horseman, and understands farriery, I have -bought a stout gelding for his use, that he may attend us on the -road, and have an eye to our cattle, in case the coachman should -not mind his business. My nephew, who is to ride his own saddle-horse, -has taken, upon trial, a servant just come from abroad -with his former master, Sir William Strollop, who vouches for his -honesty. The fellow, whose name is Dutton, seems to be a petit -maitre. -- He has got a smattering of French, bows, and grins, and -shrugs, and takes snuff a la mode de France, but values himself -chiefly upon his skill and dexterity in hair-dressing. -- If I am -not much deceived by appearance, he is, in all respects, the very -contrast of Humphry Clinker. - -My sister has made up matters with lady Griskin; though, I must -own, I should not have been sorry to see that connexion entirely -destroyed: but Tabby is not of a disposition to forgive Barton, -who, I understand, is gone to his seat in Berkshire for the -summer season. I cannot help suspecting, that in the treaty of -peace, which has been lately ratified betwixt those two females, -it is stipulated, that her ladyship shall use her best endeavours -to provide an agreeable help-mate for our sister Tabitha, who -seems to be quite desperate in her matrimonial designs. Perhaps, -the match-maker is to have a valuable consideration in the way of -brokerage, which she will most certainly deserve, if she can find -any man in his senses, who will yoke with Mrs Bramble from -motives of affection or interest. - -I find my spirits and my health affect each other reciprocally -that is to say, every thing that discomposes my mind, produces a -correspondent disorder in my body; and my bodily complaints are -remarkably mitigated by those considerations that dissipate the -clouds of mental chagrin. -- The imprisonment of Clinker brought on -those symptoms which I mentioned in my last, and now they are -vanished at his discharge. -- It must be owned, indeed, I took some -of the tincture of ginseng, prepared according to your -prescription, and found it exceedingly grateful to the stomach; -but the pain and sickness continued to return, after short -intervals, till the anxiety of my mind was entirely removed, and -then I found myself perfectly at case. We have had fair weather -these ten days, to the astonishment of the Londoners, who think -it portentous. If you enjoy the same indulgence in Wales, I hope -Barns has got my hay made, and safe cocked by this time. As we -shall be in motion for some weeks, I cannot expect to hear from -you as usual; but I shall continue to write from every place at -which we make any halt, that you may know our track, in case it -should be necessary to communicate any thing to - -Your assured friend, -MATT. BRAMBLE -LONDON, June 14. - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall, &c. - -DEAR MARY, - -Having the occasion of my cousin Jenkins of Aberga'ny, I send -you, as a token, a turkey-shell comb, a kiple of yards of green -ribbon, and a sarment upon the nothingness of good works, which -was preached in the Tabernacle; and you will also receive a horn-buck -for Saul, whereby she may learn her letters; for Fin much -consarned about the state of her poor sole -- and what are all the -pursuits of this life to the consarns of that immortal part? -- -What is life but a veil of affliction? O Mary! the whole family -have been in such a constipation! -- Mr Clinker has been in -trouble, but the gates of hell have not been able to prevail -again him. His virtue is like poor gould, seven times tried in -the fire. He was tuck up for a rubbery, and had before gustass -Busshard, who made his mittamouse; and the pore youth was sent to -prison upon the false oaf of a willian, that wanted to sware his -life away for the looker of cain. - -The 'squire did all in his power, but could not prevent his being -put in chains, and confined among common manufactors, where he -stood like an innocent sheep in the midst of wolves and tygers. -- -Lord knows what mought have happened to this pyehouse young man, -if master had not applied to Apias Korkus, who lives with the -ould bailiff, and is, they say, five hundred years old (God bless -us!), and a congeror: but, if he be, sure I am he don't deal with -the devil, otherwise he couldn't have fought out Mr Clinker, as -he did, in spite of stone walls, iron bolts, and double locks, -that flew open at his command; for ould Scratch has not a greater -enemy upon hearth than Mr Clinker, who is, indeed, a very -powerful labourer in the Lord's vineyard. I do no more than yuse -the words of my good lady, who has got the infectual calling; -and, I trust, that even myself, though unworthy, shall find -grease to be excepted. -- Miss Liddy has been touch'd to the quick, -but is a little timorsome: howsomever, I make no doubt, but she, -and all of us, will be brought, by the endeavours of Mr Clinker, -to produce blessed fruit of generation and repentance. -- As for -master and the young 'squire, they have as yet had narro glimpse -of the new light. -- I doubt as how their harts are hardened by -worldly wisdom, which, as the pyebill saith, is foolishness in -the sight of God. - -O Mary Jones, pray without seizing for grease to prepare you for -the operations of this wonderful instrument, which, I hope, will -be exorcised this winter upon you and others at Brambleton-hall. -- -Tomorrow, we are to set out in a cox and four for Yorkshire; -and, I believe, we shall travel that way far, and far, and -farther than I can tell; but I shan't go so far as to forget my -friends; and Mary Jones will always be remembered as one of them -by her - - -Humble sarvant, -WIN. JENKINS -LONDON, June 14. - - - -To Mrs GWYLLIM, house-keeper at Brambleton-hall. -MRS GWYLLIM, - -I can't help thinking it very strange, that I never had an answer -to the letter I wrote you some weeks ago from Bath, concerning -the sour bear, the gander, and the maids eating butter, which I -won't allow to be wasted. -- We are now going upon a long journey -to the north, whereby I desire you will redouble your care and -circumflexion, that the family may be well managed in our -absence; for, you know, you must render account, not only to your -earthly master, but also to him that is above; and if you are -found a good and faithful sarvant, great will be your reward in -haven. I hope there will be twenty stun of cheese ready for -market -- by the time I get huom, and as much owl spun, as will -make half a dozen pair of blankets; and that the savings of the -butter-milk will fetch me a good penny before Martinmass, as the -two pigs are to be fed for baking with bitchmast and acrons. - -I wrote to doctor Lews for the same porpuss, but he never had the -good manners to take the least notice of my letter; for which -reason, I shall never favour him with another, though he beshits -me on his bended knees. You will do well to keep a watchful eye -over the hind Villiams, who is one of his amissories, and, I -believe, no better than he should be at bottom. God forbid that I -should lack christian charity; but charity begins at huom, and -sure nothing can be a more charitable work than to rid the family -of such vermine. I do suppose, that the bindled cow has been had -to the parson's bull, that old Moll has had another litter of -pigs, and that Dick is become a mighty mouser. Pray order every -thing for the best, and be frugal, and keep the maids to their -labour -- If I had a private opportunity, I would send them some -hymns to sing instead of profane ballads; but, as I can't, they -and you must be contented with the prayers of - - -Your assured friend, -T. BRAMBLE -LONDON, June 14. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -The very day after I wrote my last, Clinker was set at liberty. As -Martin had foretold, the accuser was himself committed for a -robbery, upon unquestionable evidence. He had been for some time -in the snares of the thief-taking society; who, resenting his -presumption in attempting to incroach upon their monopoly of -impeachment, had him taken up and committed to Newgate, on the -deposition of an accomplice, who has been admitted as evidence -for the king. The postilion being upon record as an old offender, -the chief justice made no scruple of admitting Clinker to bail, -when he perused the affidavit of Mr Mead, importing that the said -Clinker was not the person that robbed him on Blackheath; and -honest Humphry was discharged. When he came home, he expressed -great eagerness to pay his respects to his master, and here his -elocution failed him, but his silence was pathetic; he fell down -at his feet and embraced his knees, shedding a flood of tears, -which my uncle did not see without emotion. He took snuff in some -confusion; and, putting his hand in his pocket, gave him his -blessing in something more substantial than words -- 'Clinker (said -he), I am so well convinced, both of your honesty and courage, -that I am resolved to make you my life-guardman on the highway.' - -He was accordingly provided with a case of pistols, and a carbine -to be flung a-cross his shoulders; and every other preparation -being made, we set out last Thursday, at seven in the morning; my -uncle, with the three women in the coach; Humphry, well mounted -on a black gelding bought for his use; myself a-horseback, -attended by my new valet, Mr Dutton, an exceeding coxcomb, fresh -from his travels, whom I have taken upon trial -- The fellow wears -a solitaire, uses paint, and takes rappee with all the grimace of -a French marquis. At present, however, he is in a ridingdress, -jack-boots, leather breeches, a scarlet waistcoat, with gold -binding, a laced hat, a hanger, a French posting-whip in his -hand, and his hair en queue. - -Before we had gone nine miles, my horse lost one of his shoes; so -that I was obliged to stop at Barnet to have another, while the -coach proceeded at an easy pace over the common. About a mile -short of Hatfield, the postilions, stopping the carriage, gave -notice to Clinker that there were two suspicious fellows a-horseback, -at the end of a lane, who semed waiting to attack the -coach. Humphry forthwith apprised my uncle, declaring he would -stand by him to the last drop of his blood; and unflinging his -carbine, prepared for action. The 'squire had pistols in the -pockets of the coach, and resolved to make use of them directly; -but he was effectually prevented by his female companions, who -flung themselves about his neck, and screamed in concert -- At that -instant, who should come up at a hand-gallop, but Martin, the -highway-man, who, advancing to the coach, begged the ladies would -compose themselves for a moment then, desiring Clinker to follow -him to the charge, he pulled a pistol out of his bosom, and they -rode up together to give battle to the rogues, who, having fired -at a great distance, fled across the common. They were in pursuit -of the fugitives when I came up, not a little alarmed at the -shrieks in the coach, where I found my uncle in a violent rage, -without his periwig, struggling to disentangle himself from Tabby -and the other two, and swearing with great vociferation. Before I -had time to interpose, Martin and Clinker returned from the -pursuit, and the former payed his compliments with great -politeness, giving us to understand, that the fellows had -scampered off, and that he believed they were a couple of raw -'prentices from London. He commended Clinker for his courage, and -said, if we would give him leave, he would have the honour to -accompany us as far as Stevenage, where he had some business. - -The 'squire, having recollected and adjusted himself, was the -first to laugh at his own situation: but it was not without -difficulty, that Tabby's arms could be untwisted from his neck; -Liddy's teeth chattered, and Jenkins was threatened with a fit as -usual. I had communicated to my uncle the character of Martin, as -it was described by the constable, and he was much struck with -its singularity -- He could not suppose the fellow had any design -on our company, which was so numerous and well armed; he -therefore thanked him, for the service he had just done them, -said he would be glad of his company, and asked him to dine with -us at Hatfield. This invitation might not have been agreeable to -the ladies, had they known the real profession of our guest, but -this was a secret to all, except my uncle and myself. Mrs Tabitha, -however, would by no means consent to proceed with a case of -loaded pistols in the coach, and they were forthwith discharged -in complaisance to her and the rest of the women. - -Being gratified in this particular, she became remarkably -goodhumoured, and at dinner behaved in the most affable manner to -Mr Martin, with whose polite address and agreeable conversation -she seemed to be much taken. After dinner, the landlord accosting -me in the yard, asked with a significant look, if the gentleman -that rode the sorrel belonged to our company? -- I understand his -meaning, but answered no; that he had come up with us on the -common, and helped us to drive away two fellows, that looked like -highwaymen -- He nodded three times distinctly, as much as to say, -he knows his cue. Then he inquired, if one of those men was -mounted on a bay mare, and the other on a chestnut gelding with a -white streak down his forehead? and being answered in the -affirmative, he assured me they had robbed three post-chaises -this very morning -- I inquired, in my turn, if Mr Martin was of -his acquaintance; and, nodding thrice again, he answered, that he -had seen the gentleman. - -Before we left Hatfield, my uncle, fixing his eyes on Martin with -such expression as is more easily conceived than described, -asked, if he often travelled that road? and he replied with a -look which denoted his understanding the question, that he very -seldom did business in that part of the country. In a word, this -adventurer favoured us with his company to the neighbourhood of -Stevenage, where he took his leave of the coach and me, in very -polite terms, and turned off upon a crossroad, that led to a -village on the left -- At supper, Mrs Tabby was very full in the -praise of Mr Martin's good-sense and good-breeding, and seemed to -regret that she had not a further opportunity to make some -experiment upon his affection. In the morning, my uncle was not a -little surprised to receive, from the waiter a billet couched in -these words -- - - -'SIR, - -I could easily perceive from your looks, when I had the honour to -converse with you at Hatfield, that my character is not unknown -to you; and, I dare say you won't think it strange, that I should -be glad to change my present way of life, for any other honest -occupation, let it be ever so humble, that will afford me bread -in moderation, and sleep in safety -- Perhaps you may think I -flatter, when I say, that from the moment I was witness to your -generous concern in the cause of your servant, I conceived a -particular esteem and veneration for your person; and yet what I -say is true. I should think myself happy, if I could be admitted -into your protection and service, as house-steward, clerk, -butler, or bailiff, for either of which places I think myself -tolerably well qualified; and, sure I am, I should not be found -deficient in gratitude and fidelity -- At the same time, I am very -sensible how much you must deviate from the common maxims of -discretion, even in putting my professions to the trial; but I -don't look upon you as a person that thinks in the ordinary -stile; and the delicacy of my situation, will, I know, justify -this address to a heart warmed with beneficence and compassion -- -Understanding you are going pretty far north, I shall take an -opportunity to throw myself in your way again, before you reach -the borders of Scotland; and, I hope, by that time, you will have -taken into consideration, the truly distressful case of, - -honoured sir, -your very humble, and devoted servant, -EDWARD MARTIN' - -The 'squire, having perused this letter, put it into my hand, -without saying a syllable; and when I had read it we looked at -each other in silence. From a certain sparkling in his eyes, I -discovered there was more in his heart, than he cared to express -with his tongue, in favour of poor Martin; and this was precisely -my own feeling, which he did not fail to discern, by the same -means of communication -- 'What shall we do (said he) to save this -poor sinner from the gallows, and make him a useful member of the -commonwealth; and yet the proverb says, Save a thief from the -gallows, and he'll cut your throat.' I told him I really believed -Martin was capable of giving the proverb the lie; and that I -should heartily concur in any step he might take in favour of his -solicitation. We mutually resolved to deliberate upon the -subject, and, in the mean time, proceeded on our journey. The -roads, having been broken up by the heavy rains in the spring, -were so rough, that although we travelled very slowly, the -jolting occasioned such pain, to my uncle, that he was become -exceedingly peevish when we arrived at this place, which lies -about eight miles from the postroad, between Wetherby and -Boroughbridge. - -Harrigate-water, so celebrated for its efficacy in the scurvy and -other distempers, is supplied from a copious spring, in the -hollow of a wild common, round which, a good many houses have -been built for the convenience of the drinkers, though few of -them are inhabited. Most of the company lodge at some distance, -in five separate inns, situated in different parts of the -commons, from whence they go every morning to the well, in their -own carriages. The lodgers of each inn form a distinct society, -that eat together; and there is a commodious public room, where -they breakfast in disabille, at separate tables, from eight -o'clock till eleven, as they chance or chuse to come in -- Here -also they drink tea in the afternoon, and play at cards or dance -in the evening. One custom, however, prevails, which I looked -upon as a solecism in politeness. The ladies treat with tea in -their turns; and even girls of sixteen are not exempted from this -shameful imposition -- There is a public ball by subscription every -night at one of the houses, to which all the company from the -others are admitted by tickets; and, indeed, Harrigate treads -upon the heels of Bath, in the articles of gaiety and -dissipation -- with this difference, however, that here we are more -sociable and familiar. One of the inns is already full up to the -very garrets, having no less than fifty lodgers, and as many -servants. Our family does not exceed thirty-six; and I should be -sorry to see the number augmented, as our accommodations won't -admit of much increase. - -At present, the company is more agreeable than one could expect -from an accidental assemblage of persons, who are utter strangers -to one another -- There seems to be a general disposition among us -to maintain good-fellowship, and promote the purposes of -humanity, in favour of those who come hither on the score of -health. I see several faces which we left at Bath, although the -majority are of the Northern counties, and many come from -Scotland for the benefit of these waters -- In such a variety, -there must be some originals, among whom Mrs Tabitha Bramble is -not the most inconsiderable -- No place where there is such an -intercourse between the sexes, can be disagreeable to a lady of -her views and temperament -- She has had some warm disputes at -table, with a lame parson from Northumberland, on the new birth, -and the insignificance of moral virtue; and her arguments have -been reinforced by an old Scotch lawyer, in a rye periwig, who, -though he has lost his teeth, and the use of his limbs, can still -wag his tongue with great volubility. He has paid her such -fulsome compliments, upon her piety and learning, as seem to have -won her heart; and she, in her turn, treats him with such -attention as indicates a design upon his person; but, by all -accounts, he is too much of a fox to be inveigled into any snare -that she can lay for his affection. - -We do not propose to stay long at Harrigate, though, at present, -it is our headquarters, from whence we shall make some -excursions, to visit two or three of our rich relations, who are -settled in this country. -- Pray, remember me to all our friends of -Jesus, and allow me to be still - -Yours affectionately, -J. MELFORD -HARRIGATE, June 23. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -Considering the tax we pay for turnpikes, the roads of this -county constitute a most intolerable grievance. Between Newark -and Weatherby, I have suffered more from jolting and swinging -than ever I felt in the whole course of my life, although the -carriage is remarkably commodious and well hung, and the -postilions were very careful in driving. I am now safely housed -at the New Inn, at Harrigate, whither I came to satisfy my -curiosity, rather than with any view of advantage to my health; -and, truly, after having considered all the parts and particulars -of the place, I cannot account for the concourse of people one -finds here, upon any other principle but that of caprice, which -seems to be the character of our nation. - -Harrigate is a wild common, bare and bleak, without tree or -shrub, or the least signs of cultivation; and the people who -come to drink the water, are crowded together in paltry inns, -where the few tolerable rooms are monopolized by the friends and -favourites of the house, and all the rest of the lodgers are -obliged to put up with dirty holes, where there is neither space, -air, nor convenience. My apartment is about ten feet square; and -when the folding bed is down, there is just room sufficient to -pass between it and the fire. One might expect, indeed, that -there would be no occasion for a fire at Midsummer; but here the -climate is so backward, that an ash tree, which our landlord -has planted before my window, is just beginning to put forth its -leaves; and I am fain to have my bed warmed every night. - -As for the water, which is said to have effected so many -surprising cures, I have drank it once, and the first draught has -cured me of all desire to repeat the medicine. -- Some people say -it smells of rotten eggs, and others compare it to the scourings -of a foul gun. -- It is generally supposed to be strongly -impregnated with sulphur; and Dr Shaw, in his book upon mineral -water, says, he has seen flakes of sulphur floating in the well -- -Pace tanti viri; I, for my part, have never observed any thing -like sulphur, either in or about the well, neither do I find that -any brimstone has ever been extracted from the water. As for the -smell, if I may be allowed to judge from my own organs, it is -exactly that of bilge-water; and the saline taste of it seems to -declare that it is nothing else than salt water putrified in the -bowels of the earth. I was obliged to hold my nose with one hand, -while I advanced the glass to my mouth with the other; and after -I had made shift to swallow it, my stomach could hardly retain -what it had received. -- The only effects it produced were -sickness, griping, and insurmountable disgust. -- I can hardly -mention it without puking. -- The world is strangely misled by the -affectation of singularity. I cannot help suspecting, that this -water owes its reputation in a great measure to its being so -strikingly offensive. -- On the same kind of analogy, a German -doctor has introduced hemlock and other poisons, as specifics, -into the materia medica. -- I am persuaded, that all the cures -ascribed to the Harrigate water, would have been as -efficaciously, and infinitely more agreeably performed, by the -internal and external use of seawater. Sure I am, this last is -much less nauseous to the taste and smell, and much more gentle -in its operation as a purge, as well as more extensive in its -medical qualities. - -Two days ago we went across the country to visit 'squire Burdock, -who married a first cousin of my father, an heiress, who brought -him an estate of a thousand a-year. This gentleman is a declared -opponent of the ministry in parliament; and having an opulent -fortune, piques himself upon living in the country, and -maintaining old English hospitality -- By the bye, this is a phrase -very much used by the English themselves both in words and -writing; but I never heard of it out of the island, except by way -of irony and sarcasm. What the hospitality of our forefathers has -been I should be glad to see recorded, rather in the memoirs of -strangers who have visited our country, and were the proper -objects and judges of such hospitality, than in the discourse and -lucubrations of the modern English, who seem to describe it from -theory and conjecture. Certain it is, we are generally looked -upon by foreigners, as a people totally destitute of this virtue; -and I never was in any country abroad, where I did not meet with -persons of distinction, who complained of having been -inhospitably used in Great Britain. A gentleman of France, Italy, -or Germany, who has entertained and lodged an Englishman at his -house, when he afterwards meets with his guest at London, is -asked to dinner at the Saracen's-head, the Turk's-head, the -Boar's-head, or the Bear, eats raw beef and butter, drinks -execrable port, and is allowed to pay his share of the reckoning. - -But to return from this digression, which my feeling for the -honour of my country obliged me to make -- our Yorkshire cousin has -been a mighty fox-hunter before the Lord; but now he is too fat -and unwieldy to leap ditches and five-bar gates; nevertheless, he -still keeps a pack of hounds, which are well exercised; and his -huntsman every night entertains him with the adventures of the -day's chace, which he recites in a tone and terms that are -extremely curious and significant. In the mean time, his broad -brawn is scratched by one of his grooms. -- This fellow, it -seems, having no inclination to curry any beast out of the -stable, was at great pains to scollop his nails in such a manner -that the blood followed at every stroke. -- He was in hopes that he -would be dismissed from this disagreeable office, but the event -turned out contrary to his expectation. -- His master declared he -was the best scratcher in the family; and now he will not suffer -any other servant to draw a nail upon his carcase. - -The 'squire's lady is very proud, without being stiff or -inaccessible. She receives even her inferiors in point of fortune -with a kind of arrogant civility; but then she thinks she has a -right to treat them with the most ungracious freedoms of speech, -and never fails to let them know she is sensible of her own -superior affluence. In a word, she speaks well of no living soul, -and has not one single friend in the world. Her husband hates her -mortally; but, although the brute is sometimes so very powerful -in him that he will have his own way, he generally truckles to -her dominion, and dreads, like a school-boy, the lash of her -tongue. On the other hand, she is afraid of provoking him too -far, lest he should make some desperate effort to shake off her -yoke. -- She, therefore, acquiesces in the proofs he daily gives of -his attachment to the liberty of an English freeholder, by saying -and doing, at his own table, whatever gratifies the brutality of -his disposition, or contributes to the case of his person. The -house, though large, is neither elegant nor comfortable. -- It -looks like a great inn, crowded with travellers, who dine at the -landlord's ordinary, where there is a great profusion of victuals -and drink, but mine host seems to be misplaced; and I would -rather dine upon filberts with a hermit, than feed upon venison -with a hog. The footmen might be aptly compared to the waiters of -a tavern, if they were more serviceable and less rapacious; but -they are generally insolent and inattentive, and so greedy, that, -I think, I can dine better, and for less expence, at the Star and -Garter in Pall mall, than at our cousin's castle in Yorkshire. -The 'squire is not only accommodated with a wife, but he is also -blessed with an only son, about two and twenty, just returned -from Italy, a complete fidler and dillettante; and he slips no -opportunity of manifesting the most perfect contempt for his own -father. - -When we arrived, there was a family of foreigners at the house, -on a visit to this virtuoso, with whom they had been acquainted -at the Spa; it was the count de Melville, with his lady, on their -way to Scotland. Mr Burdock had met with an accident, in -consequence of which both the count and I would have retired but -the young gentleman and his mother insisted upon our staying -dinner; and their serenity seemed to be so little ruffled by what -had happened, that we complied with their invitation. The 'squire -had been brought home over night in his post-chaise, so terribly -belaboured about the pate, that he seemed to be in a state of -stupefaction, and had ever since remained speechless. A country -apothecary, called Grieve, who lived in a neighbouring village, -having been called to his assistance, had let him blood, and -applied a poultice to his head, declaring, that he had no fever, -nor any other bad symptom but the loss of speech, if he really -had lost that faculty. But the young 'squire said this -practitioner was an ignorantaccio, that there was a fracture in -the cranium, and that there was a necessity for having him -trepanned without loss of time. His mother, espousing this -opinion, had sent an express to York for a surgeon to perform the -operation, and he was already come with his 'prentice and -instruments. Having examined the patient's head, he began to -prepare his dressings; though Grieve still retained his first -opinion that there was no fracture, and was the more confirmed in -it as the 'squire had passed the night in profound sleep, -uninterrupted by any catching or convulsion. The York surgeon -said he could not tell whether there was a fracture, until he -should take off the scalp; but, at any rate, the operation might -be of service in giving vent to any blood that might be -extravasated, either above or below the dura mater. The lady and -her son were clear for trying the experiment; and Grieve was -dismissed with some marks of contempt, which, perhaps, he owed to -the plainness of his appearance. He seemed to be about the middle -age, wore his own black hair without any sort of dressing; by his -garb, one would have taken him for a quaker, but he had none of -the stiffness of that sect, on the contrary he was very -submissive, respectful, and remarkably taciturn. - -Leaving the ladies in an apartment by themselves, we adjourned to -the patient's chamber, where the dressings and instruments were -displayed in order upon a pewter dish. The operator, laying aside -his coat and periwig, equipped himself with a night-cap, apron, -and sleeves, while his 'prentice and footman, seizing the -'squire's head, began to place it in a proper posture. -- But mark -what followed. -- The patient, bolting upright in the bed, collared -each of these assistants with the grasp of Hercules, exclaiming, -in a bellowing tone, 'I ha'n't lived so long in Yorkshire to be -trepanned by such vermin as you;' and leaping on the floor, put -on his breeches quietly, to the astonishment of us all. The -Surgeon still insisted upon the operation, alleging it was now -plain that the brain was injured, and desiring the servants put -him into bed again; but nobody would venture to execute his -orders, or even to interpose: when the 'squire turned him and his -assistants out of doors, and threw his apparatus out at the -window. Having thus asserted his prerogative, and put on his -cloaths with the help of a valet, the count, with my nephew and -me, were introduced by his son, and received with his usual stile -of rustic civility; then turning to signor Macaroni, with a -sarcastic grin, 'I tell thee what, Dick (said he), a man's scull -is not to be bored every time his head is broken; and I'll -convince thee and thy mother, that I know as many tricks as e'er -an old fox in the West Riding.' - -We afterwards understood he had quarrelled at a public house with -an exciseman, whom he challenged to a bout at single stick, in -which he had been worsted; and that the shame of this defeat had -tied up his tongue. As for madam, she had shewn no concern for -his disaster, and now heard of his recovery without emotion -- She -had taken some little notice of my sister and niece, though -rather with a view to indulge her own petulance, than out of any -sentiment of regard to our family. -- She said Liddy was a fright, -and ordered her woman to adjust her head before dinner; but she -would not meddle with Tabby, whose spirit, she soon perceived, -was not to be irritated with impunity. At table, she acknowledged -me so far as to say she had heard of my father; though she -hinted, that he had disobliged her family by making a poor match -in Wales. She was disagreeably familiar in her enquiries about -our circumstances; and asked, if I intended to bring up my nephew -to the law. I told her, that, as he had an independent fortune, -he should follow no profession but that of a country gentleman; -and that I was not without hopes of procuring for him a seat in -parliament -- 'Pray cousin (said she), what may his fortune be?' -When I answered, that, with what I should be able to give him, he -would have better than two thousand a year, she replied, with a -disdainful toss of her head, that it would be impossible for him -to preserve his independence on such a paultry provision. - -Not a little nettled at this arrogant remark, I told her, I had -the honour to sit in parliament with her father, when he had -little more than half that income; and I believed there was not a -more independent and incorruptible member in the house. 'Ay; but -times are changed (cried the 'squire) -- Country gentlemen now-a-days -live after another fashion. My table alone stands me in a -cool thousand a quarter, though I raise my own stock, import my -own liquors, and have every thing at the first hand. -- True it -is, I keep open house, and receive all corners, for the honour of -Old England.' 'If that be the case (said I), 'tis a wonder you -can maintain it at so small an expence; but every private -gentleman is not expected to keep a caravanserai for the -accommodation of travellers: indeed, if every individual lived in -the same stile, you would not have such a number of guests at -your table, of consequence your hospitality would not shine so -bright for the glory of the West Riding.' The young 'squire, -tickled by this ironical observation, exclaimed, 'O che burla!' -- -his mother eyed me in silence with a supercilious air; and the -father of the feast, taking a bumper of October, 'My service to -you, cousin Bramble (said he), I have always heard there was -something keen and biting in the air of the Welch mountains.' - -I was much pleased with the count de Melville, who is sensible, -easy, and polite; and the countess is the most amiable woman I -ever beheld. In the afternoon they took leave of their -entertainers, and the young gentleman, mounting his horse, -undertook to conduct their coach through the park, while one of -their servants rode round to give notice to the rest, whom they -had left at a public house on the road. The moment their backs -were turned, the censorious daemon took possession of our -Yorkshire landlady and our sister Tabitha -- The former observed, -that the countess was a good sort of a body, but totally ignorant -of good breeding, consequently aukward in her address. The squire -said, he did not pretend to the breeding of any thing but colts; -but that the jade would be very handsome, if she was a little -more in flesh. 'Handsome! (cried Tabby) she has indeed a pair of -black eyes without any meaning; but then there is not a good -feature in her face.' 'I know not what you call good features in -Wales (replied our landlord); but they'll pass in Yorkshire.' -Then turning to Liddy, he added, 'What say you, my pretty -Redstreak? -- what is your opinion of the countess?' 'I think -(cried Liddy, with great emotion), she's an angel.' Tabby chid -her for talking with such freedom in company; and the lady of the -house said, in a contemptuous tone, she supposed miss had been -brought up at some country boarding-school. - -Our conversation was suddenly interrupted by the young gentleman, -who galloped into the yard all aghast, exclaiming, that the coach -was attacked by a great number of highwaymen. My nephew and I -rushed out, found his own and his servant's horse ready saddled -in the stable, with pistols in the caps -- We mounted instantly, -ordering Clinker and Dutton to follow with all possible -expedition; but notwithstanding all the speed we could make, the -action was over before we arrived, and the count with his lady, -safe lodged at the house of Grieve, who had signalized himself -in a very remarkable manner on this occasion. At the turning of -a lane, that led to the village where the count's servants -remained, a couple of robbers a-horseback suddenly appeared, with -their pistols advanced: one kept the coachman in awe, and the -other demanded the count's money, while the young 'squire went -off at full speed, without ever casting a look behind. The count -desiring the thief to withdraw his pistol, as the lady was in -great terror, delivered his purse without making the least -resistance; but not satisfied with this booty, which was pretty -considerable, the rascal insisted upon rifling her of her car-rings -and necklace, and the countess screamed with affright. Her -husband, exasperated at the violence with which she was -threatened, wrested the pistol out of the fellow's hand, and -turning it upon him, snapped it in his face; but the robber -knowing there was no charge in it, drew another from his bosom, -and in all probability would have killed him on the spot, had not -his life been saved by a wonderful interposition. Grieve, the -apothecary, chancing to pass that very instant, ran up to the -coach, and with a crab-stick, which was all the weapon he had, -brought the fellow to the ground with the first blow; then -seizing his pistol, presented it at his colleague, who fired his -piece at random, and fled without further opposition. The other -was secured by the assistance of the count and the coachman; and -his legs being tied under the belly of his own horse, Grieve -conducted him to the village, whither also the carriage -proceeded. It was with great difficulty the countess could be -kept from swooning; but at last she was happily conveyed to the -house of the apothecary, who went into the shop to prepare some -drops for her, while his wife and daughter administered to her in -another apartment. - -I found the count standing in the kitchen with the parson of the -parish, and expressing much impatience to see his protector, whom -as yet he had scarce found time to thank for the essential -service he had done him and the countess. -- The daughter passing -at the same time with a glass of water, monsieur de Melville -could not help taking notice of her figure, which was strikingly -engaging. -- 'Ay (said the parson), she is the prettiest girl, and -the best girl in all my parish: and if I could give my son an -estate of ten thousand a year, he should have my consent to lay -it at her feet. If Mr Grieve had been as solicitious about -getting money, as he has been in performing all the duties of a -primitive Christian, he would not have hung so long upon his -hands.' 'What is her name?' said I. 'Sixteen years ago (answered -the vicar) I christened her by the names of Seraphina Melvilia.' -'Ha! what! how! (cried the count eagerly) sure, you said -Seraphina Melvilia.' 'I did (said he); Mr Grieve told me those -were the names of two noble persons abroad, to whom he had been -obliged for more than life.' - -The count, without speaking another syllable, rushed into the -parlour, crying, 'This is your god-daughter, my dear.' Mrs -Grieve, then seizing the countess by the hand, exclaimed with -great agitation, 'O madam! O sir! -- I am -- I am your poor Elinor. -- -This is my Seraphina Melvilia O child! these are the count and -countess of Melville, the generous the glorious benefactors of -thy once unhappy parents.' - -The countess rising from her scat threw her arms about the neck -of the amiable Seraphina, and clasped her to her breast with -great tenderness, while she herself was embraced by the weeping -mother. This moving scene was completed by the entrance of Grieve -himself, who falling on his knees before the count, 'Behold (said -he) a penitent, who at length can look upon his patron without -shrinking.' 'Ah, Ferdinand! (cried he, raising and folding him in -his arms) the playfellow of my infancy -- the companion of my -youth! -- Is it to you then I am indebted for my life?' 'Heaven has -heard my prayer (said the other), and given me an opportunity to -prove myself not altogether unworthy of your clemency and -protection.' He then kissed the hand of the countess, while -monsieur de Melville saluted his wife and lovely daughter, and -all of us were greatly affected by this pathetic recognition. - -In a word, Grieve was no other than Ferdinand count Fathom, whose -adventures were printed many years ago. Being a sincere convert -to virtue, he had changed his name, that he might elude the -enquiries of the count, whose generous allowance he determined to -forego, that he might have no dependence but upon his own -industry and moderation. He had accordingly settled in this -village as a practitioner in surgery and physic, and for some -years wrestled with all the miseries of indigence, which, -however, he and his wife had borne with the most exemplary -resignation. At length, by dint of unwearied attention to the -duties of his profession, which he exercised with equal humanity -and success, he had acquired tolerable share of business among -the farmers and common people, which enabled him to live in a -decent manner. He had been scarce ever seen to smile; was -unaffectedly pious; and all the time he could spare from the -avocations of his employment, he spent in educating his daughter, -and in studying for his own improvement. In short, the adventurer -Fathom was, under the name of Grieve, universally respected among -the commonalty of this district, as a prodigy of learning and -virtue. These particulars I learned from the vicar, when we -quitted the room, that they might be under no restraint in their -mutual effusions. I make no doubt that Grieve will be pressed to -leave off business, and re-unite himself to the count's family; -and as the countess seemed extremely fond of his daughter, she -will, in all probability, insist upon Seraphina's accompanying -her to Scotland. - -Having paid our compliments to these noble persons, we returned -to the 'squire's, where we expected an invitation to pass the -night, which was wet and raw; but it seems, 'squire Burdock's -hospitality reached not so far for the honour of Yorkshire; we -therefore departed in the evening, and lay at an inn, where I -caught cold. - -In hope of riding it down before it could take fast hold on my -constitution, I resolved to visit another relation, one Mr -Pimpernel, who lived about a dozen miles from the place where we -lodged. Pimpernel being the youngest of four sons, was bred an -attorney at Furnival's inn; but all his elder brothers dying, he -got himself called to the bar for the honour of his family, and -soon after this preferment, succeeded to his father's estate -which was very considerable. He carried home with him all the -knavish chicanery of the lowest pettifogger, together with a wife -whom he had purchased of a drayman for twenty pounds; and he soon -found means to obtain a dedimus as an acting justice of peace. He -is not only a sordid miser in his disposition, but his avarice is -mingled with a spirit of despotism, which is truly diabolical. -- -He is a brutal husband, an unnatural parent, a harsh master, an -oppressive landlord, a litigious neighbour, and a partial -magistrate. Friends he has none; and in point of hospitality and -good breeding, our cousin Burdock is a prince in comparison of -this ungracious miscreant, whose house is the lively -representation of a gaol. Our -reception was suitable to the character I have sketched. Had it -depended upon the wife, we should have been kindly treated. -- She -is really a good sort of a woman, in spite of her low original, -and well respected in the country; but she has not interest -enough in her own house to command a draught of table beer, far -less to bestow any kind of education on her children, who run -about, like tagged colts, in a state of nature. -- Pox on him! he -is such a dirty fellow, that I have not patience to prosecute the -subject. - -By that time we reached Harrigate, I began to be visited by -certain rheumatic symptoms. The Scotch lawyer, Mr Micklewhimmen, -recommended a hot bath of these waters so earnestly, that I was -over-persuaded to try the experiment. -- He had used it often with -success and always stayed an hour in the bath, which was a tub -filled with Harrigate water, heated for the purpose. If I could -hardly bear the smell of a single tumbler when cold, you may -guess how my nose was regaled by the streams arising from a hot -bath of the same fluid. At night, I was conducted into a dark -hole on the ground floor, where the tub smoaked and stunk like -the pot of Acheron, in one corner, and in another stood a dirty -bed provided with thick blankets, in which I was to sweat after -coming out of the bath. My heart seemed to die within me when I -entered this dismal bagnio, and found my brain assaulted by such -insufferable effluvia. I cursed Micklewhimmen for not considering -that my organs were formed on this side of the Tweed; but being -ashamed to recoil upon the threshold, I submitted to the process. - -After having endured all but real suffocation for above a quarter -of an hour in the tub, I was moved to the bed and wrapped in -blankets. -- There I lay a full hour panting with intolerable heat; -but not the least moisture appearing on my skin, I was carried to -my own chamber, and passed the night without closing an eye, in -such a flutter of spirits as rendered me the most miserable -wretch in being. I should certainly have run distracted, if the -rarefaction of my blood, occasioned by that Stygian bath, had not -burst the vessels, and produced a violent haemorrhage, which, -though dreadful and alarming, removed the horrible disquiet -- I -lost two pounds of blood, and more, on this occasion; and find -myself still weak and languid; but, I believe, a little exercise -will forward my recovery, and therefore I am resolved to set out -to-morrow for York, in my way to Scarborough, where I propose to -brace up my fibres by sea-bathing, which, I know, is one of your -favourite specificks. There is, however, one disease, for which -you have found as yet no specific, and that is old age, of which -this tedious unconnected epistle is an infallible symptom: what, -therefore, cannot be cured, must be endured, by you, as well as -by - -Yours, -MATT. BRAMBLE -HARRIGATE, June 26. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -The manner of living at Harrigate was so agreeable to my -disposition, that I left the place with some regret -- Our aunt -Tabby would have probably made some objection to our departing so -soon, had not an accident embroiled her with Mr Micklewhimmen, -the Scotch advocate, on whose heart she had been practising, from -the second day after our arrival -- That original, though seemingly -precluded from the use of his limbs, had turned his genius to -good account -- In short, by dint of groaning, and whining, he had -excited the compassion of the company so effectually, that an old -lady, who occupied the very best apartment in the house, gave it -up for his case and convenience. When his man led him into the -Long Room, all the females were immediately in commotion -- One set -an elbow-chair; another shook up the cushion; a third brought a -stool; and a fourth a pillow, for the accommodation of his feet -- -Two ladies (of whom Tabby was always one) supported him into the -dining-room, and placed him properly at the table; and his taste -was indulged with a succession of delicacies, culled by their -fair hands. All this attention he repaid with a profusion of -compliments and benedictions, which were not the less agreeable -for being delivered in the Scottish dialect. As for Mrs Tabitha, -his respects were particularly addressed to her, and he did not -fail to mingle them with religious reflections, touching free -grace, knowing her bias to methodism, which he also professed -upon a calvinistical model. - -For my part, I could not help thinking this lawyer was not such -an invalid as he pretended to be. I observed he ate very heartily -three times a day; and though his bottle was marked stomachic -tincture, he had recourse to it so often, and seemed to swallow -it with such peculiar relish, that I suspected it was not -compounded in the apothecary's shop, or the chemist's laboratory. -One day, while he was earnest in discourse with Mrs Tabitha, and -his servant had gone out on some occasion or other, I dexterously -exchanged the labels, and situation of his bottle and mine; and -having tasted his tincture, found it was excellent claret. I -forthwith handed it about me to some of my neighbours, and it was -quite emptied before Mr Micklewhimmen had occasion to repeat his -draught. At length, turning about, he took hold of my bottle, -instead of his own, and, filling a large glass, drank to the -health of Mrs Tabitha. It had scarce touched his lips, when he -perceived the change which had been put upon him, and was at -first a little out of countenance. He seemed to retire within -himself, in order to deliberate, and in half a minute his -resolution was taken; addressing himself to our quarter, 'I give -the gentleman credit for his wit (said he); it was a gude -practical joke; but sometimes hi joci in seria ducunt mala -- I -hope for his own sake he has na drank all the liccor; for it was -a vara poorful infusion of jallap in Bourdeaux wine; at its -possable he may ha ta'en sic a dose as will produce a terrible -catastrophe in his ain booels --' - -By far the greater part of the contents had fallen to the share -of a young clothier from Leeds, who had come to make a figure at -Harrigate, and was, in effect a great coxcomb in his way. It was -with a view to laugh at his fellow-guests, as well as to mortify -the lawyer, that he had emptied the bottle, when it came to his -turn, and he had laughed accordingly: but now his mirth gave way -to his apprehension -- He began to spit, to make wry faces, and -writhe himself into various contorsions -- 'Damn the stuff! (cried -he) I thought it had a villainous twang -- pah! He that would cozen -a Scot, mun get oope betimes, and take Old Scratch for his -counsellor --' 'In troth mester what d'ye ca'um (replied the -lawyer), your wit has run you into a filthy puddle -- I'm truly -consarned for your waeful case -- The best advice I can give you, -in sic a delemma, is to send an express to Rippon for doctor -Waugh, without delay, and, in the mean time, swallow all the oil -and butter you can find in the hoose, to defend your poor stomach -and intastines from the villication of the particles of the -jallap, which is vara violent, even when taken in moderation.' - -The poor clothier's torments had already begun: he retired, -roaring with pain, to his own chamber; the oil was swallowed, and -the doctor sent for; but before he arrived, the miserable patient -had made such discharges upwards and downwards, that nothing -remained to give him further offence; and this double evacuation, -was produced by imagination alone; for what he had drank was -genuine wine of Bourdeaux, which the lawyer had brought from -Scotland for his own private use. The clothier, finding the joke -turn out so expensive and disagreeable, quitted the house next -morning, leaving the triumph to Micklewhimmen, who enjoyed it -internally without any outward signs of exultation -- on the -contrary, he affected to pity the young man for what he had -suffered; and acquired fresh credit from this shew of moderation. - -It was about the middle of the night, which succeeded this -adventure, that the vent of the kitchen chimney being foul, the -soot took fire, and the alarm was given in a dreadful manner. -Every body leaped naked out of bed, and in a minute the whole -house was filled with cries and confusion -- There was two stairs -in the house, and to these we naturally ran; but they were both -so blocked up, by the people pressing one upon another, that it -seemed impossible to pass, without throwing down and trampling -upon the women. In the midst of this anarchy, Mr Micklewhimmen, -with a leathern portmanteau on his back, came running as nimble -as a buck along the passage; and Tabby in her underpetticoat, -endeavouring to hook him under the arm, that she might escape -through his protection, he very fairly pushed her down, crying, -'Na, na, gude faith, charity begins at hame!' Without paying the -least respect to the shrieks and intreaties of his female -friends, he charged through the midst of the crowd, overturning -every thing that opposed him; and actually fought his way to the -bottom of the Stair-case -- By this time Clinker had found a ladder -by which he entered the window of my uncle's chamber, where our -family was assembled, and proposed that we should make our exit -successively by that conveyance. The 'squire exhorted his sister -to begin the descent; but, before she could resolve, her woman, -Mrs Winifred Jenkins, in a transport of terror, threw herself out at -the window upon the ladder, while Humphry dropped upon the -ground, that he might receive her in her descent -- This maiden was -just as she had started out of bed, the moon shone very bright, -and a fresh breeze of wind blowing, none of Mrs Winifred's -beauties could possibly escape the view of the fortunate Clinker, -whose heart was not able to withstand the united force of so many -charms; at least I am much mistaken, if he has not been her -humble slave from that moment -- He received her in his arms, and, -giving her his coat to protect her from the weather, ascended -again with admirable dexterity. - -At that instant, the landlord of the house called out with an -audible voice, that the fire was extinguished, and the ladies had -nothing further to fear: this was a welcome note to the audience, -and produced an immediate effect; the shrieking ceased, and a -confused sound of expostulation ensued. I conducted Mrs Tabitha -and my sister to their own chamber, where Liddy fainted away; but -was soon brought to herself. Then I went to offer my services to -the other ladies, who might want assistance -- They were all -scudding through the passage to their several apartments; and as -the thoroughfair was lighted by two lamps, I had a pretty good -observation of them in their transit; but as most of them were -naked to the smock, and all their heads shrowded in huge -nightcaps, I could not distinguish one face from another, though -I recognized some of their voices -- These were generally -plaintive; some wept, some scolded, and some prayed -- I lifted up -one poor old gentlewoman, who had been overturned and sore -bruised by a multitude of feet; and this was also the case with -the lame person from Northumberland, whom Micklewhimmen had in -his passage overthrown, though not with impunity, for the -cripple, in falling, gave him such a good pelt on the head with -his crutch, that the blood followed. - -As for this lawyer, he waited below till the hurly burly was -over, and then stole softly to his own chamber, from whence he -did not venture to make a second sally till eleven in the -forenoon, when he was led into the Public Room, by his own -servant and another assistant, groaning most woefully, with a -bloody napkin round his head. But things were greatly altered -- -The selfish brutality of his behaviour on the stairs had steeled -their hearts against all his arts and address -- Not a soul offered -to accommodate him with a chair, cushion, or footstool; so that -he was obliged to sit down on a hard bench -- In that position, he -looked around with a rueful aspect, and, bowing very low, said in -a whining tone, 'Your most humble servant, ladies -- Fire is a -dreadful calamity' -- 'Fire purifies gold, and it ties friendship,' -cried Mrs Tabitha, bridling. 'Yea, madam (replied Micklewhimmen); -and it trieth discretion also' -- 'If discretion consists in -forsaking a friend in adversity, you are eminently possessed of -that virtue' (resumed our aunt). -- 'Na, madam (rejoined the -advocate), well I wot, I cannot claim any merit from the mode of -my retreat -- Ye'll please to observe, ladies, there are twa -independent principles that actuate our nature -- One is instinct, -which we have in common with the brute creation, and the other is -reason -- Noo, in certain great emergencies, when the faculty of -reason is suspended, instinct taks the lead, and when this -predominates, having no affinity with reason, it pays no sort of -regard to its connections; it only operates for the preservation -of the individual, and that by the most expeditious and effectual -means; therefore, begging your pardon, ladies, I'm no accountable -in foro conscientioe for what I did, while under the influence of -this irresistible pooer.' - -Here my uncle interposing, 'I should be glad to know (said he), -whether it was instinct that prompted you to retreat with bag and -baggage; for, I think, you had a portmanteau on your shoulder' -The lawyer answered, without hesitation, 'Gif I might tell my -mind freely, withoot incuring the suspicion of presumption, I -should think it was something superior to either reason or -instinct which suggested that measure, and this on a twafold -accoont: in the first place, the portmanteau contained the -writings of a worthy nobleman's estate; and their being burnt -would have occasioned a loss that could not be repaired; -secondly, my good angel seems to have laid the portmanteau on my -shoulders, by way of defence, to sustain the violence of a most -inhuman blow, from the crutch of a reverend clergyman, which, -even in spite of that medium, hath wounded me sorely, even unto -the pericranium.' 'By your own doctrine (cried the parson, who -chanced to be present), I am not accountable for the blow, which -was the effect of instinct.' 'I crave your pardon, reverend sir -(said the other), instinct never acts but for the preservation of -the individual; but your preservation was out of the case -- you -had already received the damage, and therefore the blow must be -imputed to revenge, which is a sinful passion, that ill becomes -any Christian, especially a protestant divine; and let me tell -you, most reverend doctor, gin I had a mind to plea, the law -would hauld my libel relevant.' 'Why, the damage is pretty equal -on both sides (cried the parson); your head is broke, and my -crutch is snapt in the middle. Now, if you will repair the one, I -will be at the expence of curing the other.' - -This sally raised the laugh against Micklewhimmen, who began to -look grave; when my uncle, in order to change the discourse, -observed, that instinct had been very kind to him in another -respect; for it had restored to him the use of his limbs, which, -in his exit, he had moved with surprising agility. -- He replied, -that it was the nature of fear to brace up the nerves; and -mentioned some surprising feats of strength and activity -performed by persons under the impulse of terror; but he -complained that in his own particular, the effects had ceased -when the cause was taken away -- The 'squire said, he would lay a -tea-drinking on his head, that he should dance a Scotch measure, -without making a false step; and the advocate grinning, called -for the piper -- A fidler being at hand, this original started up, -with his bloody napkin over his black tye-periwig, and acquitted -himself in such a manner as excited the mirth of the whole -company; but he could not regain the good graces of Mrs Tabby, -who did not understand the principle of instinct; and the lawyer -did not think it worth his while to proceed to further -demonstration. - -From Harrigate, we came hither, by the way of York, and here we -shall tarry some days, as my uncle and Tabitha are both resolved -to make use of the waters. Scarborough, though a paltry town, is -romantic from its situation along a cliff that over-hangs the -sea. The harbour is formed by a small elbow of land that runs out -as a natural mole, directly opposite to the town; and on that -side is the castle, which stands very high, of considerable -extent, and, before the invention of gun-powder, was counted -impregnable. At the other end of Scarborough are two public rooms -for the use of the company, who resort to this place in the -summer to drink the waters and bathe in the sea; and the -diversions are pretty much on the same footing here as at Bath. -The Spa is a little way beyond the town, on this side, under a -cliff, within a few paces of the sea, and thither the drinkers go -every morning in dishabille; but the descent is by a great number -of steps, which invalids find very inconvenient. Betwixt the well -and the harbour, the bathing machines are ranged along the beach, -with all their proper utensils and attendants. You have never seen -one of these machines -- Image to yourself a small, snug, wooden -chamber, fixed upon a wheel-carriage, having a door at each end, -and on each side a little window above, a bench below -- The -bather, ascending into this apartment by wooden steps, shuts -himself in, and begins to undress, while the attendant yokes a -horse to the end next the sea, and draws the carriage forwards, -till the surface of the water is on a level with the floor of the -dressing-room, then he moves and fixes the horse to the other -end -- The person within being stripped, opens the door to the sea-ward, -where he finds the guide ready, and plunges headlong into -the water -- After having bathed, he re-ascends into the apartment, -by the steps which had been shifted for that purpose, and puts on -his clothes at his leisure, while the carriage is drawn back -again upon the dry land; so that he has nothing further to do, -but to open the door, and come down as he went up -- Should he be -so weak or ill as to require a servant to put off and on his -clothes, there is room enough in the apartment for half a dozen -people. The guides who attend the ladies in the water, are of -their own sex, and they and the female bathers have a dress of -flannel for the sea; nay, they are provided with other -conveniences for the support of decorum. A certain number of the -machines are fitted with tilts, that project from the sea-ward -ends of them, so as to screen the bathers from the view of all -persons whatsoever -- The beach is admirably adapted for this -practice, the descent being gently gradual, and the sand soft as -velvet; but then the machines can be used only at a certain time -of the tide, which varies every day; so that sometimes the -bathers are obliged to rise very early in the morning -- For my -part, I love swimming as an exercise, and can enjoy it at all -times of the tide, without the formality of an apparatus -- You and -I have often plunged together into the Isis; but the sea is a -much more noble bath, for health as well as pleasure. You cannot -conceive what a flow of spirits it gives, and how it braces every -sinew of the human frame. Were I to enumerate half the diseases -which are every day cured by sea-bathing, you might justly say -you had received a treatise, instead of a letter, from - -Your affectionate friend -and servant, -J. MELFORD -SCARBOROUGH, July 1. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -I have not found all the benefit I expected at Scarborough, where -I have been these eight days -- From Harrigate we came hither by -the way of York, where we stayed only one day to visit the -Castle, the Minster and the Assembly-room. The first, which was -heretofore a fortress, is now converted to a prison, and is the -best, in all respects, I ever saw, at home or abroad -- It stands -in a high situation, extremely well ventilated; and has a -spacious area within the walls, for the health and convenience of -all the prisoners except those whom it is necessary to secure in -close confinement. Even these last have all the comforts that the -nature of their situation can admit. Here the assizes are held, -in a range of buildings erected for that purpose. - -As for the Minster, I know not how to distinguish it, except by -its great size and the height of its spire, from those other -ancient churches in different parts of the kingdom, which used to -be called monuments of Gothic architecture; but it is now agreed, -that this stile is Saracen rather than Gothic; and, I suppose, it -was first imported into England from Spain, great part of which -was under the dominion of the Moors. Those British architects who -adopted this stile, don't seem to have considered the propriety -of their adoption. The climate of the country, possessed by the -Moors or Saracens, both in Africa and Spain, was so exceedingly -hot and dry, that those who built places of worship for the -multitude, employed their talents in contriving edifices that -should be cool; and, for this purpose, nothing could be better -adopted than those buildings, vast, narrow, dark, and lofty, -impervious to the sun-beams, and having little communication with -the scorched external atmosphere; but ever affording a refreshing -coolness, like subterranean cellars in the heats of summer, or -natural caverns in the bowels of huge mountains. But nothing -could be more preposterous, than to imitate such a mode of -architecture in a country like England, where the climate is -cold, and the air eternally loaded with vapours; and where, of -consequence, the builder's intention should be to keep the people -dry and warm -- For my part, I never entered the Abbey church at -Bath but once, and the moment I stept over the threshold, I found -myself chilled to the very marrow of my bones. When we consider, -that in our churches, in general, we breathe a gross stagnated -air, surcharged with damps from vaults, tombs, and charnel-houses, -may we not term them so many magazines of rheums, created -for the benefit of the medical faculty? and safely aver, that -more bodies are lost, than souls saved, by going to church, in -the winter especially, which may be said to engross eight months -in the year. I should be glad to know, what offence it would give -to tender consciences, if the house of God was made more -comfortable, or less dangerous to the health of valetudinarians; -and whether it would not be an encouragement to piety, as well as -the salvation of many lives, if the place of worship was well -floored, wainscotted, warmed, and ventilated, and its area kept -sacred from the pollution of the dead. The practice of burying in -churches was the effect of ignorant superstition, influenced by -knavish priests, who pretended that the devil could have no power -over the defunct if he was interred in holy ground; and this -indeed, is the only reason that can be given for consecrating all -cemeteries, even at this day. - -The external appearance of an old cathedral cannot be but -displeasing to the eye of every man, who has any idea of -propriety or proportion, even though he may be ignorant of -architecture as a science; and the long slender spire puts one in -mind of a criminal impaled with a sharp stake rising up through -his shoulder -- These towers, or steeples, were likewise borrowed -from the Mahometans; who, having no bells, used such minarets for -the purpose of calling the people to prayers -- They may be of -further use, however, for making observations and signals; but I -would vote for their being distinct from the body of the church, -because they serve only to make the pile more barbarous, or -Saracenical. - -There is nothing of this Arabic architecture in the Assembly -Room, which seems to me to have been built upon a design of -Palladio, and might be converted into an elegant place of -worship; but it is indifferently contrived for that sort of -idolatry which is performed in it at present: the grandeur of the -fane gives a diminutive effect to the little painted divinities -that are adorned in it, and the company, on a ball-night, must -look like an assembly of fantastic fairies, revelling by -moonlight among the columns of a Grecian temple. - -Scarborough seems to be falling off, in point of reputation. All -these places (Bath excepted) have their vogue, and then the -fashion changes. I am persuaded, there are fifty spaws in England -as efficacious and salutary as that of Scarborough, though they -have not yet risen to fame; and, perhaps, never will, unless some -medical encomiast should find an interest in displaying their -virtues to the public view -- Be that as it may, recourse will -always be had to this place for the convenience of sea bathing, -while this practice prevails; but it were to be wished, they -would make the beach more accessible to invalids. - -I have here met with my old acquaintance, H[ewet]t, whom you have -often heard me mention as one of the most original characters -upon earth -- I first knew him at Venice, and afterwards saw him in -different parts of Italy, where he was well known by the nick-name -of Cavallo Bianco, from his appearing always mounted on a -pale horse, like Death in the Revelations. You must remember the -account I once gave you of a curious dispute he had at -Constantinople, with a couple of Turks, in defence of the -Christian religion; a dispute from which he acquired the epithet -of Demonstrator -- The truth is, H-- owns no religion but that of -nature; but, on this occasion, he was stimulated to shew his -parts, for the honour of his country -- Some years ago, being in -the Campidoglio at Rome, he made up to the bust of Jupiter, and, -bowing very low, exclaimed in the Italian language, 'I hope, sir, -if ever you get your head above water again, you will remember -that I paid my respects to you in your adversity.' This sally was -reported to the cardinal Camerlengo, and by him laid before pope -Benedict XIV, who could not help laughing at the extravagance of -the address, and said to the cardinal, 'Those English heretics -think they have a right to go to the devil in their own way.' - -Indeed H-- was the only Englishman I ever knew, who had -resolution enough to live in his own way, in the midst of -foreigners; for, neither in dress, diet, customs, or -conversation, did he deviate one tittle from the manner in which -he had been brought up. About twelve years ago, he began a Giro -or circuit, which he thus performed -- At Naples, where he fixed -his headquarters, he embarked for Marseilles, from whence he -travelled with a Voiturin to Antibes -- There he took his passage -to Genoa and Lerici; from which last place he proceeded, by the -way of Cambratina, to Pisa and Florence -- After having halted some -time in this metropolis, he set out with a Vetturino for Rome, -where he reposed himself a few weeks, and then continued his -route for Naples, in order to wait for the next opportunity of -embarkation -- After having twelve times described this circle, he -lately flew off at a tangent to visit some trees at his country-house -in England, which he had planted above twenty years ago, -after the plan of the double colonnade in the piazza of St -Peter's at Rome -- He came hither to Scarborough, to pay his -respects to his noble friend and former pupil, the M-- of G--, -and, forgetting that he is now turned of seventy, sacrificed so -liberally to Bacchus, that next day he was seized with a fit of -the apoplexy, which has a little impaired his memory; but he -retains all the oddity of his character in perfection, and is -going back to Italy by the way of Geneva, that he may have a -conference with his friend Voltaire, about giving the last blow -to the Christian superstition -- He intends to take shipping here -for Holland or Hamburgh; for it is a matter of great indifference -to him at what part of the continent he first lands. - -When he was going abroad the last time, he took his passage in a -ship bound for Leghorn, and his baggage was actually embarked. In -going down the river by water, he was by mistake put on board of -another vessel under sail; and, upon inquiry understood she was -bound to Petersburgh -- 'Petersburgh, -- Petersburgh (said he) I -don't care if I go along with you.' He forthwith struck a bargain -with the captain; bought a couple of shirts of the mate, and was -safe conveyed to the court of Muscovy, from whence he travelled -by land to receive his baggage at Leghorn -- He is now more likely -than ever to execute a whim of the same nature; and I will hold -any wager, that as he cannot be supposed to live much longer, -according to the course of nature, his exit will be as odd as his -life has been extravagant. - -[This gentleman crossed the sea to France, visited and conferred -with Mr de Voltaire at Fernay, resumed his old circuit at Genoa, -and died in 1767, at the house of Vanini in Florence. Being taken -with a suppression of urine, he resolved, in imitation of -Pomponius Atticus, to take himself off by abstinence; and this -resolution he executed like an ancient Roman. He saw company to -the last, cracked his jokes, conversed freely, and entertained -his guests with music. On the third day of his fast, he found -himself entirely freed of his complaint; but refused taking -sustenance. He said the most disagreeable part of the voyage was -past, and he should be a cursed fool indeed, to put about ship, -when he was just entering the harbour. In these sentiments he -persisted, without any marks of affectation, and thus finished -his course with such case and serenity, as would have done honour -to the firmest Stoic of antiquity.] - -But, to return from one humourist to another, you must know I -have received benefit, both from the chalybeate and the sea, and -would have used them longer, had not a most ridiculous adventure, -by making me the town-talk, obliged me to leave the place; for I -can't bear the thoughts of affording a spectacle to the multitude -Yesterday morning, at six o'clock, I went down to the bathing-place, -attended by my servant Clinker, who waited on the beach as -usual -- The wind blowing from the north, and the weather being -hazy, the water proved so chill, that when I rose from my first -plunge, I could not help sobbing and bawling out, from the -effects of the cold. Clinker, who heard me cry, and saw me -indistinctly a good way without the guide, buffetting the waves, -took it for granted I was drowning, and rushing into the sea, -clothes and all, overturned the guide in his hurry to save his -master. I had swam out a few strokes, when hearing a noise, I -turned about and saw Clinker, already up to his neck, advancing -towards me, with all the wildness of terror in his aspect -- Afraid -he would get out of his depth, I made haste to meet him, when, -all of a sudden, he seized me by one ear, dragged me bellowing -with pain upon the dry beach, to the astonishment of all the -people, men, and women, and children there assembled. - -I was so exasperated by the pain of my ear, and the disgrace of -being exposed in such an attitude, that, in the first transport I -struck him down; then, running back into the sea, took shelter in -the machine where my clothes had been deposited. I soon -recollected myself so far as to do justice to the poor fellow, -who, in great simplicity of heart, had acted from motives of -fidelity and affection -- Opening the door of the machine, which -was immediately drawn on shore, I saw him standing by the wheel, -dropping like a water-work, and trembling from head to foot; -partly from cold, and partly from the dread of having offended -his master -- I made my acknowledgments for the blow he had -received, assured him I was not angry, and insisted upon his -going home immediately, to shift his clothes; a command which he -could hardly find in his heart to execute, so well disposed was -he to furnish the mob with further entertainment at my expence. -Clinker's intention was laudable without all doubt, but, -nevertheless, I am a sufferer by his simplicity -- I have had a -burning heat, and a strange buzzing noise in that ear, ever since -it was so roughly treated; and I cannot walk the street without -being pointed at; as the monster that was hauled naked a-shore -upon the beach -- Well, I affirm that folly is often more provoking -than knavery, aye and more mischievous too; and whether a man had -not better choose a sensible rogue, than an honest simpleton for -his servant, is no matter of doubt with - -Yours, -MATT. BRAMBLE -SCARBOROUGH, July 4. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -We made a precipitate retreat from Scarborough, owing to the -excessive delicacy of our 'squire, who cannot bear the thoughts -of being proetereuntium digito monstratus. - -One morning, while he was bathing in the sea, his man Clinker -took it in his head that his master was in danger of drowning; -and, in this conceit, plunging into the water, he lugged him out -naked on the beach, and almost pulled off his ear in the -operation. You may guess how this atchievement was relished by Mr -Bramble, who is impatient, irascible, and has the most -extravagant ideas of decency and decorum in the oeconomy of his -own person -- In the first ebullition of his choler, he knocked -Clinker down with his fist; but he afterwards made him amends for -his outrage, and, in order to avoid further notice of the people, -among whom this incident had made him remarkable, he resolved to -leave Scarborough next day. - -We set out accordingly over the moors, by the way of Whitby, and -began our journey betimes, in hopes of reaching Stockton that -night; but in this hope we were disappointed -- In the afternoon, -crossing a deep gutter, made by a torrent, the coach was so hard -strained, that one of the irons, which connect the frame, snapt, -and the leather sling on the same side, cracked in the middle. The -shock was so great, that my sister Liddy struck her head against -Mrs Tabitha's nose with such violence that the blood flowed; and -Win. Jenkins was darted through a small window in that part of -the carriage next the horses, where she stuck like a bawd in the -pillory, till she was released by the hand of Mr Bramble. We were -eight miles distant from any place where we could be supplied -with chaises, and it was impossible to proceed with the coach, -until the damage should be repaired -- in this dilemma, we -discovered a blacksmith's forge on the edge of a small common, -about half a mile from the scene of our disaster, and thither the -postilions made shift to draw the carriage, slowly, while the -company walked a-foot; but we found the black-smith had been dead -some days; and his wife, who had been lately delivered, was -deprived of her senses, under the care of a nurse, hired by the -parish. We were exceedingly mortified at this disappointment, -which, however, was surmounted by the help of Humphry Clinker, -who is a surprising compound of genius and simplicity. Finding -the tools of the defunct, together with some coals in the smithy, -he unscrewed the damaged iron in a twinkling, and, kindling a -fire, united the broken pieces with equal dexterity and dispatch -- -While he was at work upon this operation, the poor woman in the -straw, struck with the well-known sound of the hammer and anvil, -started up, and, notwithstanding all the nurse's efforts, came -running into the smithy, where, throwing her arms about Clinker's -neck, 'Ah, Jacob (cried she) how could you leave me in such a -condition?' - -This incident was too pathetic to occasion mirth -- it brought -tears into the eyes of all present. The poor widow was put to bed -again; and we did not leave the village without doing something -for her benefit -- Even Tabitha's charity was awakened on this -occasion. As for the tender-hearted Humphry Clinker, he hammered -the iron and wept at the same time -- But his ingenuity was not -confined to his own province of farrier and black-smith -- It was -necessary to join the leather sling, which had been broke; and -this service he likewise performed, by means of a broken awl, -which he new-pointed and ground, a little hemp, which he spun -into lingels, and a few tacks which he made for the purpose. Upon -the whole, we were in a condition to proceed in little more than -an hour; but even this delay obliged us to pass the night at -Gisborough -- Next day we crossed the Tees at Stockton, which is a -neat agreeable town; and there we resolved to dine, with purpose -to lie at Durham. - -Whom should we meet in the yard, when we alighted, but Martin the -adventurer? Having handed out the ladies, and conducted them into -an apartment, where he payed his compliments to Mrs Tabby, with -his usual address, he begged leave to speak to my uncle in -another room; and there, in some confusion, he made an apology -for having taken the liberty to trouble him with a letter at -Stevenage. He expressed his hope, that Mr Bramble had bestowed -some consideration on his unhappy case, and repeated his desire -of being taken into his service. - -My uncle, calling me into the room, told him, that we were both -very well inclined to rescue him from a way of life that was -equally dangerous and dishonourable; and that he should have no -scruples in trusting to his gratitude and fidelity, if he had any -employment for him, which he thought would suit his -qualifications and his circumstances; but that all the -departments he had mentioned in his letter, were filled up by -persons of whose conduct he had no reason to complain; of -consequence he could not, without injustice, deprive any one of -them of his bread. Nevertheless, he declared himself ready to -assist him in any feasible project, either with his purse or -credit. - -Martin seemed deeply touched at this declaration -- The tear -started in his eye, while he said, in a faultering accent -- -'Worthy sir -- your generosity oppresses me -- I never dreamed of -troubling you for any pecuniary assistance -- indeed I have no -occasion -- I have been so lucky at billiards and betting in -different places, at Buxton, Harrigate, Scarborough, and -Newcastle races, that my stock in ready-money amounts to three -hundred pounds, which I would willingly employ, in prosecuting -some honest scheme of life; but my friend, justice Buzzard, has -set so many springs for my life, that I am under the necessity of -either retiring immediately to a remote part of the country, -where I can enjoy the protection of some generous patron, or of -quitting the kingdom altogether. It is upon this alternative that -I now beg leave to ask your advice. I have had information of all -your route, since I had the honour to see you at Stevenage; and, -supposing you would come this way from Scarborough, I came hither -last night from Darlington, to pay you my respects.' - -'It would be no difficult matter to provide you with an asylum in -the country (replied my uncle); but a life of indolence and -obscurity would not suit with your active and enterprizing -disposition -- I would therefore advise you to try your fortune in -the East Indies -- I will give you a letter to a friend in London, -who will recommend you to the direction, for a commission in the -company's service; and if that cannot be obtained, you will at -least be received as a volunteer -- in which case, you may pay for -your passage, and I shall undertake to procure you such -credentials, that you will not be long without a commission.' - -Martin embraced the proposal with great eagerness; it was -therefore resolved, that he should sell his horse, and take a -passage by sea for London, to execute the project without delay -- -In the mean time he accompanied us to Durham, were we took up our -quarters for the night. Here, being furnished with letters from my -uncle, he took his leave of us, with strong symptoms of gratitude -and attachment, and set out for Sunderland, in order to embark in -the first collier, bound for the river Thames. He had not been -gone half an hour, when we were joined by another character, -which promised something extraordinary -- A tall, meagre figure, -answering, with his horse, the description of Don Quixote mounted -on Rozinante, appeared in the twilight at the inn door, while my -aunt and Liddy stood at a window in the dining-room -- He wore a -coat, the cloth of which had once been scarlet, trimmed with -Brandenburgs, now totally deprived of their metal, and he had -holstercaps and housing of the same stuff and same antiquity. -Perceiving ladies at the window above, he endeavoured to dismount -with the most graceful air he could assume; but the ostler -neglecting to hold the stirrup when he wheeled off his right -foot, and stood with his whole weight on the other, the girth -unfortunately gave way, the saddle turned, down came the cavalier -to the ground, and his hat and perriwig falling off, displayed a -head-piece of various colours, patched and plaistered in a woeful -condition -- The ladies, at the window above, shrieked with -affright, on the supposition that the stranger had received some -notable damages in his fall; but the greatest injury he had -sustained arose from the dishonour of his descent, aggravated by -the disgrace of exposing the condition of his cranium; for -certain plebeians that were about the door, laughed aloud, in the -belief that the captain had got either a scald head, or a broken -head, both equally opprobrious. - -He forthwith leaped up in a fury, and snatching one of his -pistols, threatened to put the ostler to death, when another -squall from the women checked his resentment. He then bowed to -the window, while he kissed the butt-end of his pistol, which he -replaced; adjusted his wig in great confusion, and led his horse -into the stable -- By this time I had come to the door, and could -not help gazing at the strange figure that presented itself to my -view. He would have measured above six feet in height had he stood -upright; but he stooped very much; was very narrow in the -shoulders, and very thick in the calves of his legs, which were -cased in black spatterdashes -- As for his thighs, they were long -and slender, like those of a grasshopper; his face was, at least, -half a yard in length, brown and shrivelled, with projecting -cheek-bones, little grey eyes on the greenish hue, a large hook-nose, -a pointed chin, a mouth from ear to car, very ill furnished -with teeth, and a high, narrow fore-head, well furrowed with -wrinkles. His horse was exactly in the stile of its rider; a -resurrection of dry bones, which (as we afterwards learned) he -valued exceedingly, as the only present he had ever received in -his life. - -Having seen this favourite steed properly accommodated in the -stable, he sent up his compliments to the ladies, begging -permission to thank them in person for the marks of concern they -had shewn at his disaster in the court yard -- As the 'squire said -they could not decently decline his visit, he was shewn up stairs -and paid his respects in the Scotch dialect, with much formality -'Leddies (said he), perhaps ye may be scandaleezed at the -appearance of my heed made, when it was uncovered by accident; -but I can assure you, the condition you saw it in, is neither the -effects of diseases, nor of drunkenness: but an honest scar -received in the service of my country.' He then gave us to -understand, that having been wounded at Ticonderoga, in America, -a party of Indians rifled him, scalped him, broke his scull with -the blow of a tomahawk, and left him for dead on the field of -battle; but that being afterwards found with signs of life, he -had been cured in the French hospital, though the loss of -substance could not be repaired; so that the scull was left naked -in several places, and these he covered with patches. - -There is no hold by which an Englishman is sooner taken than that -of compassion -- We were immediately interested in behalf of this -veteran. Even Tabby's heart was melted; but our pity was warmed -with indignation, when we learned, that in the course of two -sanguinary wars, he had been wounded, maimed, mutilated, taken, -and enslaved, without ever having attained a higher rank than -that of lieutenant -- My uncle's eyes gleamed, and his nether lip -quivered, while he exclaimed, 'I vow to God, sir, your case is a -reproach to the service -- The injustice you have met with is so -flagrant' -- 'I must crave your pardon, sir (cried the other, -interrupting him), I complain of no injustice -- I purchased an -ensigncy thirty years ago; and, in the course of service rose to -a lieutenant, according to my seniority' -- 'But in such a length -of time (resumed the 'squire), you must have seen a great many -young officers put over your head' -- 'Nevertheless (said he), I -have no cause to murmur -- They bought their preferment with their -money -- I had no money to carry to market that was my misfortune; -but no body was to blame' -- 'What! no friend to advance a sum of -money?' (said Mr Bramble) 'Perhaps, I might have borrowed money -for the purchase of a company (answered the other); but that loan -must have been refunded; and I did not chuse to incumber myself -with a debt of a thousand pounds, to be payed from an income of -ten shillings a-day.' 'So you have spent the best part of your -life (cried Mr Bramble), your youth, your blood, and your -constitution, amidst the dangers, the difficulties, the horrors -and hardships of a war, for the consideration of three or four -shillings a-day a consideration --' 'Sir (replied the Scot, with -great warmth), you are the man that does me injustice, if you say -or think I have been actuated by any such paltry consideration -- I -am a gentleman; and entered the service as other gentlemen do, -with such hopes and sentiments as honourable ambition inspires -- -If I have not been lucky in the lottery of life, so neither do I -think myself unfortunate -- I owe to no man a farthing; I can -always command a clean shirt, a mutton-chop, and a truss of -straw; and when I die, I shall leave effects sufficient to defray -the expence of my burial.' - -My uncle assured him, he had no intention to give him the least -offence, by the observations he had made; but, on the contrary, -spoke from a sentiment of friendly regard to his interest -- The -lieutenant thanked him with a stiffness of civility, which -nettled our old gentleman, who perceived that his moderation was -all affected; for, whatsoever his tongue might declare, his whole -appearance denoted dissatisfaction -- In short, without pretending -to judge of his military merit, I think I may affirm, that this -Caledonian is a self-conceited pedant, aukward, rude, and -disputacious -- He has had the benefit of a school-education, seems -to have read a good number of books, his memory is tenacious, and -he pretends to speak several different languages; but he is so -addicted to wrangling, that he will cavil at the clearest truths, -and, in the pride of argumentation, attempt to reconcile -contradictions -- Whether his address and qualifications are really -of that stamp which is agreeable to the taste of our aunt, Mrs -Tabitha, or that indefatigable maiden is determined to shoot at -every sort of game, certain it is she has begun to practice upon -the heart of the lieutenant, who favoured us with his company to -supper. - -I have many other things to say of this man of war, which I shall -communicate in a post or two; mean while, it is but reasonable -that you should be indulged with some respite from those weary -lucubrations of - -Yours, -J. MELFORD -NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE, July 10. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -In my last I treated you with a high flavoured dish, in the -character of the Scotch lieutenant, and I must present him once -more for your entertainment. It was our fortune to feed upon him -the best part of three days; and I do not doubt that he will -start again in our way before we shall have finished our northern -excursion. The day after our meeting with him at Durham proved so -tempestuous that we did not choose to proceed on our journey; and -my uncle persuaded him to stay till the weather should clear up, -giving him, at the same time, a general invitation to our mess. -The man has certainly gathered a whole budget of shrewd -observations, but he brings them forth in such an ungracious -manner as would be extremely disgusting, if it was not marked by -that characteristic oddity which never fails to attract the -attention -- He and Mr Bramble discoursed, and even disputed, on -different subjects in war, policy, the belles lettres, law, and -metaphysics; and sometimes they were warmed into such altercation -as seemed to threaten an abrupt dissolution of their society; but -Mr Bramble set a guard over his own irascibility, the more -vigilantly as the officer was his guest; and when, in spite of -all his efforts, he began to wax warm, the other prudently cooled -in the same proportion. - -Mrs Tabitha chancing to accost her brother by the familiar -diminutive of Matt, 'Pray, sir (said the lieutenant), 'is your -name Matthias?' You must know it is one of our uncle's foibles to -be ashamed of his name Matthew, because it is puritanical; and -this question chagrined him so much, that he answered, 'No, by G-d!' -in a very abrupt tone of displeasure. -- The Scot took umbrage -at the manner of his reply, and bristling up, 'If I had known -(said he) that you did not care to tell your name, I should not -have asked the question -- The leddy called you Matt, and I -naturally thought it was Matthias: -- perhaps, it may be -Methuselah, or Metrodorus, or Metellus, or Mathurinus, or -Malthinnus, or Matamorus, or --' 'No (cried my uncle laughing), it -is neither of those, captain: my name is Matthew Bramble, at, -your service. -- The truth is, have a foolish pique at the name of -Matthew, because it favours of those canting hypocrites, who, in -Cromwell's time, christened all their children by names taken -from the scripture.' 'A foolish pique indeed. (cried Mrs Tabby), -and even sinful, to fall out with your name because it is taken -from holy writ. -- I would have you to know, you was called after -great-uncle Matthew ap Madoc ap Meredith, esquire, of -Llanwysthin, in Montgomeryshire, justice of the quorum, and -crusty ruttleorum, a gentleman of great worth and property, -descended in a strait line, by the female side, from Llewellyn, -prince of Wales.' - -This genealogical anecdote seemed to make some impression upon -the North-Briton, who bowed very low to the descendant of -Llewellyn, and observed that he himself had the honour of a -scriptural nomination. The lady expressing a desire of knowing -his address, he said, he designed himself Lieutenant Obadiah -Lismahago; and in order to assist her memory, he presented her -with a slip of paper inscribed with these three words, which she -repeated with great emphasis, declaring, it was one of the most -noble and sonorous names she had ever heard. He observed that -Obadiah was an adventitious appellation, derived from his great- -grandfather, who had been one of the original covenanters; but -Lismahago was the family surname, taken from a place in Scotland -so called. He likewise dropped some hints about the antiquity of -his pedigree, adding, with a smile of self-denial, Sed genus et -proavos, et quoe non fecimus ipsi, vix ea nostra voco, which -quotation he explained in deference to the ladies; and Mrs -Tabitha did not fail to compliment him on his modesty in waving -the merit of his ancestry, adding, that it was the less necessary -to him, as he had such a considerable fund of his own. She now -began to glew herself to his favour with the grossest adulation. -- -She expatiated upon the antiquity and virtues of the Scottish -nation, upon their valour, probity, learning, and politeness. She -even descended to encomiums on his own personal address, his -gallantry, good sense, and erudition. -- She appealed to her -brother, whether the captain was not the very image of our cousin -governor Griffith. She discovered a surprising eagerness to know -the particulars of his life, and asked a thousand questions -concerning his atchievements in war; all which Mr Lismahago -answered with a sort of jesuitical reserve, affecting a -reluctance to satisfy her curiosity on a subject that concerned -his own exploits. - -By dint of her interrogations, however, we learned, that he and -ensign Murphy had made their escape from the French hospital at -Montreal, and taken to the woods, in hope of reaching some -English settlement; but mistaking their route, they fell in with -a party of Miamis, who carried them away in captivity. The -intention of these Indians was to give one of them as an adopted -son to a venerable sachem, who had lost his own in the course of -the war, and to sacrifice the other according to the custom of -the country. Murphy, as being the younger and handsomer of the -two, was designed to fill the place of the deceased, not only as -the son of the sachem, but as the spouse of a beautiful squaw, to -whom his predecessor had been betrothed; but in passing through -the different whigwhams or villages of the Miamis, poor Murphy -was so mangled by the women and children, who have the privilege -of torturing all prisoners in their passage, that, by the time -they arrived at the place of the sachem's residence, he was -rendered altogether unfit for the purposes of marriage: it was -determined therefore, in the assembly of the warriors, that -ensign Murphy should be brought to the stake, and that the lady -should be given to lieutenant Lismahago, who had likewise -received his share of torments, though they had not produced -emasculation. -- A joint of one finger had been cut, or rather -sawed off with a rusty knife; one of his great toes was crushed -into a mash betwixt two stones; some of his teeth were drawn, or -dug out with a crooked nail; splintered reeds had been thrust up -his nostrils and other tender parts; and the calves of his legs -had been blown up with mines of gunpowder dug in the flesh with -the sharp point of the tomahawk. - -The Indians themselves allowed that Murphy died with great -heroism, singing, as his death song, the Drimmendoo, in concert -with Mr Lismahago, who was present at the solemnity. After the -warriors and the matrons had made a hearty meal upon the muscular -flesh which they pared from the victim, and had applied a great -variety of tortures, which he bore without flinching, an old -lady, with a sharp knife, scooped out one of his eyes, and put a -burning coal in the socket. The pain of this operation was so -exquisite that he could not help bellowing, upon which the -audience raised a shout of exultation, and one of the warriors -stealing behind him, gave him the coup de grace with a hatchet. - -Lismahago's bride, the squaw Squinkinacoosta, distinguished -herself on this occasion. -- She shewed a great superiority of -genius in the tortures which she contrived and executed with her -own hands. -- She vied with the stoutest warrior in eating the -flesh of the sacrifice; and after all the other females were -fuddled with dram-drinking, she was not so intoxicated but that -she was able to play the game of the platter with the conjuring -sachem, and afterwards go through the ceremony of her own -wedding, which was consummated that same evening. The captain had -lived very happily with this accomplished squaw for two years, -during which she bore him a son, who is now the representative of -his mother's tribe; but, at length, to his unspeakable grief, she -had died of a fever, occasioned by eating too much raw bear, -which they had killed in a hunting excursion. - -By this time, Mr Lismahago was elected sachem, acknowledged first -warrior of the Badger tribe, and dignified with the name or -epithet of Occacanastaogarora, which signifies nimble as a -weasel; but all these advantages and honours he was obliged to -resign, in consequence of being exchanged for the orator of the -community, who had been taken prisoner by the Indians that were -in alliance with the English. At the peace, he had sold out upon -half pay, and was returned to Britain, with a view to pass the -rest of his life in his own country, where he hoped to find some -retreat where his slender finances would afford him a decent -subsistence. Such are the outlines of Mr Lismahago's history, to -which Tabitha did seriously incline her ear; -- indeed, she seemed -to be taken with the same charms that captivated the heart of -Desdemona, who loved the Moor for the dangers he had past. - -The description of poor Murphy's sufferings, which threw my -sister Liddy into a swoon, extracted some sighs from the breast -of Mrs Tabby: when she understood he had been rendered unfit for -marriage, she began to spit, and ejaculated, 'Jesus, what cruel -barbarians!' and she made wry faces at the lady's nuptial repast; -but she was eagerly curious to know the particulars of her -marriage-dress; whether she wore high-breasted stays or bodice, a -robe of silk or velvet, and laces of Mechlin or minionette -- she -supposed, as they were connected with the French, she used rouge, -and had her hair dressed in the Parisian fashion. The captain -would have declined giving a catagorical explanation of all these -particulars, observing, in general, that the Indians were too -tenacious of their own customs to adopt the modes of any nation -whatsoever; he said, moreover, that neither the simplicity of -their manners nor the commerce of their country, would admit of -those articles of luxury which are deemed magnificence in Europe; -and that they were too virtuous and sensible to encourage the -introduction of any fashion which might help to render them -corrupt and effeminate. - -These observations served only to inflame her desire of knowing -the particulars about which she had enquired; and, with all his -evasion, he could not help discovering the following -circumstances -- that his princess had neither shoes, stockings, -shift, nor any kind of linen -- that her bridal dress consisted of -a petticoat of red bays, and a fringed blanket, fastened about -her shoulders with a copper skewer; but of ornaments she had -great plenty. -- Her hair was curiously plaited, and interwoven -with bobbins of human bone -- one eye-lid was painted green, and -the other yellow; the cheeks were blue, the lips white, the teeth -red, and there was a black list drawn down the middle of the -forehead as far as the tip of the nose -- a couple of gaudy -parrot's feathers were stuck through the division of the -nostrils -- there was a blue stone set in the chin, her ear-rings -consisted of two pieces of hickery, of the size and shape of -drum-sticks -- her arms and legs were adorned with bracelets of -wampum -- her breast glittered with numerous strings of glass -beads -- she wore a curious pouch, or pocket of woven grass, -elegantly painted with various colours -- about her neck was hung -the fresh scalp of a Mohawk warrior, whom her deceased lover had -lately slain in battle -- and, finally, she was anointed from head -to foot with bear's grease, which sent forth a most agreeable -odour. - -One would imagine that these paraphernalia would not have been -much admired by a modern fine lady; but Mrs Tabitha was resolved -to approve of all the captains connexions. -- She wished, indeed, -the squaw had been better provided with linen; but she owned -there was much taste and fancy in her ornaments; she made no -doubt, therefore, that madam Squinkinacoosta was a young lady of -good sense and rare accomplishments, and a good christian at -bottom. Then she asked whether his consort had been high church -or low-church, presbyterian or anabaptist, or had been favoured -with any glimmering of the new light of the gospel? When he -confessed that she and her whole nation were utter strangers to -the christian faith, she gazed at him with signs of astonishment, -and Humphry Clinker, who chanced to be in the room, uttered a -hollow groan. - -After some pause, 'In the name of God, captain Lismahago (cried -she), what religion do they profess?' 'As to religion, madam -(answered the lieutenant), it is among those Indians a matter of -great simplicity -- they never heard of any Alliance between Church -and State. -- They, in general, worship two contending principles; -one the Fountain of all Good, the other the source of all evil. -The common people there, as in other countries, run into the -absurdities of superstition; but sensible men pay adoration to a -Supreme Being, who created and sustains the universe.' 'O! what -pity (exclaimed the pious Tabby), that some holy man has not been -inspired to go and convert these poor heathens!' - -The lieutenant told her, that while he resided among them, two -French missionaries arrived, in order to convert them to the -catholic religion; but when they talked of mysteries and -revelations, which they could neither explain nor authenticate, -and called in the evidence of miracles which they believed upon -hearsay; when they taught that the Supreme Creator of Heaven and -Earth had allowed his only Son, his own equal in power and glory, -to enter the bowels of a woman, to be born as a human creature, -to be insulted, flagellated, and even executed as a malefactor; -when they pretended to create God himself, to swallow, digest, -revive, and multiply him ad infinitum, by the help of a little -flour and water, the Indians were shocked at the impiety of their -presumption. -- They were examined by the assembly of the sachems -who desired them to prove the divinity of their mission by some -miracle. -- They answered, that it was not in their power. -- 'If you -were really sent by Heaven for our conversion (said one of the -sachems), you would certainly have some supernatural endowments, -at least you would have the gift of tongues, in order to explain -your doctrine to the different nations among which you are -employed; but you are so ignorant of our language, that you -cannot express yourselves even on the most trifling subjects.' In -a word, the assembly were convinced of their being cheats, and -even suspected them of being spies: they ordered them a bag of -Indian corn apiece, and appointed a guide to conduct them to the -frontiers; but the missionaries having more zeal than discretion, -refused to quit the vineyard. -- They persisted in saying mass, in -preaching, baptizing, and squabbling with the conjurers, or -priests of the country, till they had thrown the whole community -into confusion. -- Then the assembly proceeded to try them as -impious impostors, who represented the Almighty as a trifling, -weak, capricious being, and pretended to make, unmake, and -reproduce him at pleasure; they were, therefore, convicted of -blasphemy and sedition, and condemned to the stale, where they -died singing Salve regina, in a rapture of joy, for the crown of -martyrdom which they had thus obtained. - -In the course of this conversation, lieutenant Lismahago dropt -some hints by which it appeared he himself was a free-thinker. -Our aunt seemed to be startled at certain sarcasms he threw out -against the creed of saint Athanasius -- He dwelt much upon the -words, reason, philosophy, and contradiction in terms -- he bid -defiance to the eternity of hell-fire; and even threw such squibs -at the immortality of the soul, as singed a little the whiskers -of Mrs Tabitha's faith; for, by this time she began to look upon -Lismahago as a prodigy of learning and sagacity. -- In short, he -could be no longer insensible to the advances she made towards -his affection; and although there was something repulsive in his -nature, he overcame it so far as to make some return to her -civilities. -- Perhaps, he thought it would be no bad scheme, in a -superannuated lieutenant on half-pay, to effect a conjunction -with an old maid, who, in all probability, had fortune enough to -keep him easy and comfortable in the fag-end of his days -- An -ogling correspondence forthwith commenced between this amiable -pair of originals -- He began to sweeten the natural acidity of his -discourse with the treacle of compliment and commendation -- He -from time to time offered her snuff, of which he himself took -great quantities, and even made her a present of a purse of silk -grass, woven by the hands of the amiable Squinkinacoosta, who had -used it as a shot-pouch in her hunting expeditions. - -From Doncaster northwards, all the windows of all the inns are -scrawled with doggeral rhimes, in abuse of the Scotch nation; and -what surprised me very much, I did not perceive one line written -in the way of recrimination -- Curious to hear what Lismahago would -say on this subject, I pointed out to him a very scurrilous -epigram against his countrymen, which was engraved on one of the -windows of the parlour where we sat. -- He read it with the most -starched composure; and when I asked his opinion of the poetry, -'It is vara terse and vara poignant (said he); but with the help -of a wat dish-clout, it might be rendered more clear and -parspicuous. -- I marvel much that some modern wit has not -published a collection of these essays under the title of the -Glaziers Triumph over Sawney the Scot -- I'm persuaded it would be -a vara agreeable offering to the patriots of London and -Westminster.' When I expressed some surprize that the natives of -Scotland, who travel this way, had not broke all the windows upon -the road, 'With submission (replied the lieutenant), that were -but shallow policy -- it would only serve to make the satire more -cutting and severe; and I think it is much better to let it stand -in the window, than have it presented in the reckoning.' - -My uncle's jaws began to quiver with indignation. -- He said, the -scribblers of such infamous stuff deserved to be scourged at the -cart's tail for disgracing their country with such monuments of -malice and stupidity. -- 'These vermin (said he) do not consider, -that they are affording their fellow subjects, whom they abuse, -continual matter of self-gratulation, as well as the means of -executing the most manly vengeance that can be taken for such -low, illiberal attacks. For my part, I admire the philosophic -forbearance of the Scots, as much as I despise the insolence of -those wretched libellers, which is akin to the arrogance of the -village cock, who never crows but upon his own dunghill.' The -captain, with an affectation of candour, observed, that men of -illiberal minds were produced in every soil; that in supposing -those were the sentiments of the English in general, he should -pay too great a compliment to is own country, which was not of -consequence enough to attract the envy of such a flourishing and -powerful people. - -Mrs Tabby broke forth again in praise of his moderation, and -declared that Scotland was the soil which produced every virtue -under heaven. When Lismahago took his leave for the night, she -asked her brother if the captain was not the prettiest gentleman -he had ever seen; and whether there was not something wonderfully -engaging in his aspect? -- Mr Bramble having eyed her sometime in -silence, 'Sister (said he), the lieutenant is, for aught I know, -an honest man and a good officer -- he has a considerable share of -understanding, and a title to more encouragement than he seems to -have met with in life; but I cannot, with a safe conscience, -affirm, that he is the prettiest gentleman I ever saw; neither -can I descern any engaging charm in his countenance, which, I vow -to God, is, on the contrary, very hard-favoured and forbidding.' - -I have endeavoured to ingratiate myself with this North-Briton, -who is really a curiosity; but he has been very shy of my -conversation ever since I laughed at his asserting that the -English tongue was spoke with more propriety at Edinburgh than at -London. Looking at me with a double squeeze of souring in his -aspect, 'If the old definition be true (said he), that risibility -is the distinguishing characteristic of a rational creature, the -English are the most distinguished for rationality of any people -I ever knew.' I owned, that the English were easily struck with -any thing that appeared ludicrous, and apt to laugh accordingly; -but it did not follow, that, because they were more given to -laughter, they had more rationality than their neighbours: I -said, such an inference would be an injury to the Scots, who were -by no means defective in rationality, though generally supposed -little subject to the impressions of humour. - -The captain answered, that this supposition must have been -deduced either from their conversation or their compositions, of -which the English could not possibly judge with precision, as -they did not understand the dialect used by the Scots in common -discourse, as well as in their works of humour. When I desired to -know what those works of humour were, he mentioned a considerable -number of pieces, which he insisted were equal in point of humour -to any thing extant in any language dead or living -- He, in -particular, recommended a collection of detached poems, in two -small volumes, intituled, The Ever-Green, and the works of Allan -Ramsay, which I intend to provide myself with at Edinburgh. -- He -observed, that a North-Briton is seen to a disadvantage in an -English company, because he speaks in a dialect that they can't -relish, and in a phraseology which they don't understand. -- He -therefore finds himself under a restraint, which is a great enemy -to wit and humour. -- These are faculties which never appear in -full lustre, but when the mind is perfectly at ease, and, as an -excellent writer says, enjoys her elbow-room. - -He proceeded to explain his assertion that the English language -was spoken with greater propriety at Edinburgh than in London. He -said, what we generally called the Scottish dialect was, in fact, -true, genuine old English, with a mixture of some French terms -and idioms, adopted in a long intercourse betwixt the French and -Scotch nations; that the modern English, from affectation and -false refinement, had weakened, and even corrupted their -language, by throwing out the guttural sounds, altering the -pronunciation and the quantity, and disusing many words and terms -of great significance. In consequence of these innovations, the -works of our best poets, such as Chaucer, Spenser, and even -Shakespeare, were become, in many parts, unintelligible to the -natives of South Britain, whereas the Scots, who retain the -antient language, understand them without the help of a glossary. -'For instance (said he), how have your commentators been puzzled -by the following expression in the Tempest -- He's gentle and not -fearful: as if it was a paralogism to say, that being gentle, he -must of course be courageous: but the truth is, one of the -original meanings, if not the sole meaning, of that word was, -noble, high-minded; and to this day, a Scotch woman, in the -situation of the young lady in the Tempest, would express herself -nearly in the same terms -- Don't provoke him; for being gentle, -that is, high-spirited, he won't tamely bear an insult. Spenser, -in the very first stanza of his Fairy Queen, says, - -A gentle knight was pricking on the plain; - -which knight, far from being tame and fearful, was so stout that - -Nothing did he dread, but ever was ydrad. - -To prove that we had impaired the energy of our language by false -refinement, he mentioned the following words, which, though -widely different in signification, are pronounced exactly in the -same manner wright, write, right, rite; but among the Scots, -these words are as different in pronunciation, as they are in -meaning and orthography; and this is the case with many others -which he mentioned by way of illustration. -- He, moreover, took -notice, that we had (for what reason he could never learn) -altered the sound of our vowels from that which is retained by -all the nations in Europe; an alteration which rendered the -language extremely difficult to foreigners, and made it almost -impracticable to lay down general rules for orthography and -pronunciation. Besides, the vowels were no longer simple sounds -in the mouth of an Englishman, who pronounced both i and u as -dipthongs. Finally, he affirmed, that we mumbled our speech with -our lips and teeth, and ran the words together without pause or -distinction, in such a manner, that a foreigner, though he -understood English tolerably well, was often obliged to have -recourse to a Scotchman to explain what a native of England had -said in his own language. - -The truth of this remark was confirmed by Mr Bramble from his own -experience; but he accounted for it on another principle. He -said, the same observation would hold in all languages; that a -Swiss talking French was more easily understood than a Parisian, -by a foreigner who had not made himself master of the language; -because every language had its peculiar recitative, and it would -always require more pains, attention, and practice, to acquire -both the words and the music, than to learn the words only; and -yet no body would deny, that the one was imperfect without the -other: he therefore apprehended, that the Scotchman and the Swiss -were better understood by learners, because they spoke the words -only, without the music, which they could not rehearse. One would -imagine this check might have damped the North Briton; but it -served only to agitate his humour for disputation. -- He said, if -every nation had its own recitative or music, the Scots had -theirs, and the Scotchman who had not yet acquired the cadence of -the English, would naturally use his own in speaking their -language; therefore, if he was better understood than the native, -his recitative must be more intelligible than that of the -English; of consequence, the dialect of the Scots had an -advantage over that of their fellow-subjects, and this was -another strong presumption that the modern English had corrupted -their language in the article of pronunciation. - -The lieutenant was, by this time, become so polemical, that every -time he opened his mouth out flew a paradox, which he maintained -with all the enthusiasm of altercation; but all his paradoxes -favoured strong of a partiality for his own country. He undertook -to prove that poverty was a blessing to a nation; that oatmeal -was preferable to wheat-flour; and that the worship of Cloacina, -in temples which admitted both sexes, and every rank of votaries -promiscuously, was a filthy species of idolatry that outraged -every idea of delicacy and decorum. I did not so much wonder at -his broaching these doctrines, as at the arguments, equally -whimsical and ingenious, which he adduced in support of them. - -In fine, lieutenant Lismahago is a curiosity which I have not yet -sufficiently perused; and therefore I shall be sorry when we lose -his company, though, God knows, there is nothing very amiable in -his manner or disposition. -- As he goes directly to the south-west -division of Scotland, and we proceed in the road to Berwick, we -shall part tomorrow at a place called Feltonbridge; and, I dare -say, this separation will be very grievous to our aunt Mrs -Tabitha, unless she has received some flattering assurance of his -meeting her again. If I fail in my purpose of entertaining you -with these unimportant occurrences, they will at least serve as -exercises of patience, for which you are indebted to - - -Yours always, -J. MELFORD -MORPETH, July 13. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -I have now reached the northern extremity of England, and see, -close to my chamber-window, the Tweed gliding through the arches -of that bridge which connects this suburb to the town of -Berwick. -- Yorkshire you have seen, and therefore I shall say -nothing of that opulent province. The city of Durham appears like -a confused heap of stones and brick, accumulated so as to cover a -mountain, round which a river winds its brawling course. The -Streets are generally narrow, dark, and unpleasant, and many of -them almost impassible in consequence of their declivity. The -cathedral is a huge gloomy pile; but the clergy are well lodged. -- -The bishop lives in a princely manner -- the golden prebends keep -plentiful tables -- and, I am told, there is some good sociable -company in the place; but the country, when viewed from the top -of Gateshead-Fell, which extends to Newcastle, exhibits the -highest scene of cultivation that ever I beheld. As for -Newcastle, it lies mostly in a bottom, on the banks of the Tyne, -and makes an appearance still more disagreeable than that of -Durham; but it is rendered populous and rich by industry and -commerce; and the country lying on both sides the river, above -the town, yields a delightful prospect of agriculture and -plantation. Morpeth and Alnwick are neat, pretty towns, and this -last is famous for the castle which has belonged so many ages to -the noble house of Piercy, earls of Northumberland. -- It is, -doubtless, a large edifice, containing a great number of -apartments, and stands in a commanding situation; but the -strength of it seems to have consisted not so much in its site, -or the manner in which it is fortified, as in the valour of its -defendants. - -Our adventures since we left Scarborough, are scarce worth -reciting; and yet I must make you acquainted with my sister -Tabby's progress in husband-hunting, after her disappointments at -Bath and London. She had actually begun to practise upon a -certain adventurer, who was in fact a highwayman by profession; -but he had been used to snares much more dangerous than any she -could lay, and escaped accordingly. Then she opened her batteries -upon an old weather-beaten Scotch lieutenant, called Lismahago, -who joined us at Durham, and is, I think, one of the most -singular personages I ever encountered -- His manner is as harsh as -his countenance; but his peculiar turn of thinking, and his pack -of knowledge made up of the remnants of rarities, rendered his -conversation desirable, in spite of his pedantry and ungracious -address. I have often met with a crab-apple in a hedge, which I -have been tempted to eat for its flavour, even while I was -disgusted by its austerity. The spirit of contradiction is -naturally so strong in Lismahago, that I believe in my conscience -he has rummaged, and read, and studied with indefatigable -attention, in order to qualify himself to refute established -maxims, and thus raise trophies for the gratification of -polemical pride. -- Such is the asperity of his self-conceit, that -he will not even acquiesce in a transient compliment made to his -own individual in particular, or to his country in general. - -When I observed, that he must have read a vast number of books to -be able to discourse on such a variety of subjects, he declared -he had read little or nothing, and asked how he should find books -among the woods of America, where he had spent the greatest part -of his life. My nephew remarking that the Scots in general were -famous for their learning, he denied the imputation, and defied -him to prove it from their works -- 'The Scots (said he) have a -slight tincture of letters, with which they make a parade among -people who are more illiterate than themselves; but they may be -said to float on the surface of science, and they have made very -small advances in the useful arts.' 'At least (cried Tabby), all -the world allows that the Scots behaved gloriously in fighting -and conquering the savages of America.' 'I can assure you, madam, -you have been misinformed (replied the lieutenant); in that -continent the Scots did nothing more than their duty, nor was -there one corps in his majesty's service that distinguished -itself more than another. -- Those who affected to extol the Scots -for superior merit, were no friends to that nation.' - -Though he himself made free with his countrymen, he would not -suffer any other person to glance a sarcasm at them with -impunity. One of the company chancing to mention lord B--'s -inglorious peace, the lieutenant immediately took up the cudgels -in his lordship's favour, and argued very strenuously to prove -that it was the most honourable and advantageous peace that -England had ever made since the foundation of the monarchy. -- Nay, -between friends, he offered such reasons on this subject, that I -was really confounded, if not convinced. -- He would not allow that -the Scots abounded above their proportion in the army and navy of -Great-Britain, or that the English had any reason to say his -countrymen had met with extraordinary encouragement in the -service. 'When a South and North-Briton (said he) are competitors -for a place or commission, which is in the disposal of an English -minister or an English general, it would be absurd to suppose -that the preference will not be given to the native of England, -who has so many advantages over his rival. -- First and foremost, -he has in his favour that laudable partiality, which, Mr Addison -says, never fails to cleave to the heart of an Englishman; secondly, -he has more powerful connexions, and a greater share of parliamentary -interest, by which those contests are generally decided; and -lastly, he has a greater command of money to smooth the way to -his success. For my own part (said he), I know no Scotch officer, -who has risen in the army above the rank of a subaltern, without -purchasing every degree of preferment either with money or -recruits; but I know many gentlemen of that country, who, for -want of money and interest, have grown grey in the rank of -lieutenants; whereas very few instances of this ill-fortune are -to be found among the natives of South-Britain. -- Not that I would -insinuate that my countrymen have the least reason to complain. -Preferment in the service, like success in any other branch of -traffic, will naturally favour those who have the greatest stock -of cash and credit, merit and capacity being supposed equal on -all sides.' - -But the most hardy of all this original's positions were these: -That commerce would, sooner or later, prove the ruin of every -nation, where it flourishes to any extent -- that the parliament -was the rotten part of the British constitution -- that the liberty -of the press was a national evil -- and that the boasted -institution of juries, as managed in England, was productive of -shameful perjury and flagrant injustice. He observed, that -traffick was an enemy to all the liberal passions of the soul, -founded on the thirst of lucre, a sordid disposition to take -advantage of the necessities of our fellow creatures. -- He -affirmed, the nature of commerce was such, that it could not be -fixed or perpetuated, but, having flowed to a certain height, -would immediately begin to ebb, and so continue till the -channels should be left almost dry; but there was no instance of -the tide's rising a second time to any considerable influx in the -same nation. Mean while the sudden affluence occasioned by trade, -forced open all the sluices of luxury and overflowed the land -with every species of profligacy and corruption; a total pravity -of manners would ensue, and this must be attended with bankruptcy -and ruin. He observed of the parliament, that the practice of -buying boroughs, and canvassing for votes, was an avowed system -of venality, already established on the ruins of principle, -integrity, faith, and good order, in consequence of which the -elected and the elector, and, in short, the whole body of the -people, were equally and universally contaminated and corrupted. -He affirmed, that of a parliament thus constituted, the crown -would always have influence enough to secure a great majority in -its dependence, from the great number of posts, places, and -pensions it had to bestow; that such a parliament would (as it -had already done) lengthen the term of its sitting and authority, -whenever the prince should think it for his interest to continue -the representatives, for, without doubt, they had the same right -to protect their authority ad infinitum, as they had to extend it -from three to seven years. -- With a parliament, therefore, -dependent upon the crown, devoted to the prince, and supported by -a standing army, garbled and modelled for the purpose, any king -of England may, and probably some ambitious sovereign will, -totally overthrow all the bulwarks of the constitution; for it is -not to be supposed that a prince of high spirit will tamely -submit to be thwarted in all his measures, abused and insulted by -a populace of unbridled ferocity, when he has it in his power to -crush all opposition under his feet with the concurrence of the -legislature. He said, he should always consider the liberty of -the press as a national evil, while it enabled the vilest reptile -to soil the lustre of the most shining merit, and furnished the -most infamous incendiary with the means of disturbing the peace -and destroying the good order of the community. He owned, -however, that under due restrictions, it would be a valuable -privilege; but affirmed, that at present there was no law in -England sufficient to restrain it within proper bounds. - -With respect to juries, he expressed himself to this effect: -- -juries are generally composed of illiterate plebeians, apt to be -mistaken, easily misled, and open to sinister influence; for if -either of the parties to be tried, can gain over one of the -twelve jurors, he has secured the verdict in his favour; the -juryman thus brought over will, in despight of all evidence and -conviction, generally hold out till his fellows are fatigued, and -harassed, and starved into concurrence; in which case the verdict -is unjust, and the jurors are all perjured: but cases will often -occur, when the jurors are really divided in opinion, and each -side is convinced in opposition to the other; but no verdict will -be received, unless they are unanimous, and they are all bound, -not only in conscience, but by oath, to judge and declare -according to their conviction. -- What then will be the -consequence? -- They must either starve in company, or one side -must sacrifice their conscience to their convenience, and join in -a verdict which they believe to be false. This absurdity is -avoided in Sweden, where a bare majority is sufficient; and in -Scotland, where two thirds of the jury are required to concur in -the verdict. - -You must not imagine that all these deductions were made on his -part, without contradictions on mine. -- No -- the truth is, I found -myself piqued in point of honour, at his pretending to be so much -wiser than his neighbours. -- I questioned all his assertions, -started innumerable objections, argued and wrangled with uncommon -perseverance, and grew very warm, and even violent, in the -debate. -- Sometimes he was puzzled, and once or twice, I think, -fairly refuted; but from those falls he rose again, like Antaeus, -with redoubled vigour, till at length I was tired, exhausted, and -really did not know how to proceed, when luckily he dropped a -hint, by which he discovered he had been bred to the law; a -confession which enabled me to retire from the dispute with a -good grace, as it could not be supposed that a man like me, who -had been bred to nothing, should be able to cope with a veteran -in his own profession. I believe, however, that I shall for some -time continue to chew the cud of reflection upon many -observations which this original discharged. - -Whether our sister Tabby was really struck with his conversation, -or is resolved to throw at every thing she meets in the shape of -a man, till she can fasten the matrimonial noose, certain it is, -she has taken desperate strides towards the affection of -Lismahago, who cannot be said to have met her half way, though he -does not seem altogether insensible to her civilities. -- She -insinuated more than once how happy we should be to have his -company through that part of Scotland which we proposed to visit, -till at length he plainly told us, that his road was totally -different from that which we intended to take; that, for his -part, his company would be of very little service to us in our -progress, as he was utterly unacquainted with the country, which -he had left in his early youth, consequently, he could neither -direct us in our enquiries, nor introduce us to any family of -distinction. He said, he was stimulated by an irresistible -impulse to revisit the paternus lar, or patria domus, though he -expected little satisfaction, inasmuch as he understood that his -nephew, the present possessor, was but ill qualified to support -the honour of the family. -- He assured us, however, as we design -to return by the west road, that he will watch our motions, and -endeavour to pay his respects to us at Dumfries. -- Accordingly he -took his leave of us at a place half way betwixt Morpeth and -Alnwick, and pranced away in great state, mounted on a tall, -meagre, raw-boned, shambling grey gelding, without e'er a tooth -in his head, the very counter-part of the rider; and, indeed, the -appearance of the two was so picturesque, that I would give -twenty guineas to have them tolerably presented on canvas. - -Northumberland is a fine county, extending to the Tweed, which is -a pleasant pastoral stream; but you will be surprised when I tell -you that the English side of that river is neither so well -cultivated nor so populous as the other. -- The farms are thinly -scattered, the lands uninclosed, and scarce a gentleman's seat -is to be seen in some miles from the Tweed; whereas the Scots are -advanced in crowds to the very brink of the river, so that you -may reckon above thirty good houses, in the compass of a few -miles, belonging to proprietors whose ancestors had fortified -castles in the same situations, a circumstance that shews what -dangerous neighbours the Scots must have formerly been to the -northern counties of England. - -Our domestic oeconomy continues on the old footing. -- My sister -Tabby still adheres to methodism, and had the benefit of a sermon -at Wesley's meeting in Newcastle; but I believe the Passion of -love has in some measure abated the fervour of devotion both in -her and her woman, Mrs Jenkins, about whose good graces there has -been a violent contest betwixt my nephew's valet, Mr Dutton, and -my man, Humphry Clinker. -- Jery has been obliged to interpose his -authority to keep the peace, and to him I have left the -discussion of that important affair, which had like to have -kindled the flames of discord in the family of - -Yours always, -MATT. BRAMBLE -TWEEDMOUTH, July 15. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -In my two last you had so much of Lismahago, that I suppose you -are glad he is gone off the stage for the present. -- I must now -descend to domestic occurrences. -- Love, it seems, is resolved to -assert his dominion over all the females of our family. -- After -having practised upon poor Liddy's heart, and played strange -vagaries with our aunt Mrs Tabitha, he began to run riot in the -affections of her woman, Mrs Winifred Jenkins, whom I have had -occasion to mention more than once in the course of our memoirs. -Nature intended Jenkins for something very different from the -character of her mistress; yet custom and habit have effected a -wonderful resemblance betwixt them in many particulars. Win, to -be sure, is much younger and more agreeable in her person; she is -likewise tender-hearted and benevolent, qualities for which her -mistress is by no means remarkable, no more than she is for being -of a timorous disposition, and much subject to fits of the -mother, which are the infirmities of Win's constitution: but then -she seems to have adopted Mrs Tabby's manner with her cast -cloaths. -- She dresses and endeavours to look like her mistress, -although her own looks are much more engaging. -- She enters into -her scheme of oeconomy, learns her phrases, repeats her remarks, -imitates her stile in scolding the inferior servants, and, -finally, subscribes implicitly to her system of devotion. -- This, -indeed, she found the more agreeable, as it was in a great -measure introduced and confirmed by the ministry of Clinker, with -whose personal merit she seems to have been struck ever since he -exhibited the pattern of his naked skin at Marlborough. - -Nevertheless, though Humphry had this double hank upon her -inclinations, and exerted all his power to maintain the conquest -he had made, he found it impossible to guard it on the side of -vanity, where poor Win was as frail as any female in the kingdom. -In short, my rascal Dutton professed himself her admirer, and, by -dint of his outlandish qualifications, threw his rival Clinker -out of the saddle of her heart. Humphry may be compared to an -English pudding, composed of good wholesome flour and suet, and -Dutton to a syllabub or iced froth, which, though agreeable to -the taste, has nothing solid or substantial. The traitor not only -dazzled her, with his second-hand finery, but he fawned, and -flattered, and cringed -- he taught her to take rappee, and -presented her with a snuff-box of papier mache -- he supplied her -with a powder for her teeth -- he mended her complexion, and he -dressed her hair in the Paris fashion -- he undertook to be her -French master and her dancing-master, as well as friseur, and -thus imperceptibly wound himself into her good graces. Clinker -perceived the progress he had made, and repined in secret. -- He -attempted to open her eyes in the way of exhortation, and finding -it produced no effect had recourse to prayer. At Newcastle, while -he attended Mrs Tabby to the methodist meeting his rival -accompanied Mrs Jenkins to the play. He was dressed in a silk -coat, made at Paris for his former master, with a tawdry -waistcoat of tarnished brocade; he wore his hair in a great bag -with a huge solitaire, and a long sword dangled from his thigh. -The lady was all of a flutter with faded lutestring, washed -gauze, and ribbons three times refreshed; but she was most -remarkable for the frisure of her head, which rose, like a -pyramid, seven inches above the scalp, and her face was primed -and patched from the chin up to the eyes; nay, the gallant -himself had spared neither red nor white in improving the nature -of his own complexion. In this attire, they walked together -through the high street to the theatre, and as they passed for -players ready dressed for acting, they reached it unmolested; but -as it was still light when they returned, and by that time the -people had got information of their real character and condition, -they hissed and hooted all the way, and Mrs Jenkins was all -bespattered with dirt, as well as insulted with the opprobrious -name of painted Jezabel, so that her fright and mortification -threw her into an hysteric fit the moment she came home. - -Clinker was so incensed at Dutton, whom he considered as the -cause of her disgrace, that he upbraided him severely for having -turned the poor woman's brain. The other affected to treat him -with contempt, and mistaking his forbearance for want of courage, -threatened to horse-whip him into good manners. Humphry then came -to me, humbly begging I would give him leave to chastise my -servant for his insolence -- 'He has challenged me to fight him at -sword's point (said he); but I might as well challenge him to -make a horse-shoe, or a plough iron; for I know no more of the -one than he does of the other. -- Besides, it doth not become -servants to use those weapons, or to claim the privilege of -gentlemen to kill one another when they fall out; moreover, I -would not have his blood upon my conscience for ten thousand -times the profit or satisfaction I should get by his death; but -if your honour won't be angry, I'll engage to gee 'en a good -drubbing, that, may hap, will do 'en service, and I'll take care -it shall do 'en no harm.' I said, I had no objection to what he -proposed, provided he could manage matters so as not to be found -the aggressor, in case Dutton should prosecute him for an assault -and battery. - -Thus licensed, he retired; and that same evening easily provoked -his rival to strike the first blow, which Clinker returned with -such interest that he was obliged to call for quarter, declaring, -at the same time, that he would exact severe and bloody -satisfaction the moment we should pass the border, when he could -run him through the body without fear of the consequence. -- This -scene passed in presence of lieutenant Lismahago, who encouraged -Clinker to hazard a thrust of cold iron with his antagonist. -'Cold iron (cried Humphry) I shall never use against the life of -any human creature; but I am so far from being afraid of his cold -iron, that I shall use nothing in my defence but a good cudgel, -which shall always be at his service.' In the mean time, the fair -cause of this contest, Mrs Winifred Jenkins, seemed overwhelmed -with affliction, and Mr Clinker acted much on the reserve, though -he did not presume to find fault with her conduct. - -The dispute between the two rivals was soon brought to a very -unexpected issue. Among our fellow-lodgers at Berwick, was a -couple from London, bound to Edinburgh, on the voyage of -matrimony. The female was the daughter and heiress of a -pawnbroker deceased, who had given her guardians the slip, and -put herself under the tuition of a tall Hibernian, who had -conducted her thus far in quest of a clergyman to unite them in -marriage, without the formalities required by the law of England. -I know not how the lover had behaved on the road, so as to -decline in the favour of his inamorata; but, in all probability, -Dutton perceived a coldness on her side, which encouraged him to -whisper, it was a pity she should have cast affections upon a -taylor, which he affirmed the Irishman to be. This discovery -completed her disgust, of which my man taking the advantage, -began to recommend himself to her good graces, and the smooth-tongued -rascal found no difficulty to insinuate himself into the -place of her heart, from which the other had been discarded -- -Their resolution was immediately taken. In the morning, before -day, while poor Teague lay snoring a-bed, his indefatigable rival -ordered a post-chaise, and set out with the lady for Coldstream, -a few miles up the Tweed, where there was a parson who dealt in -this branch of commerce, and there they were noosed, before the -Irishman ever dreamt of the matter. But when he got up at six -o'clock, and found the bird was flown, he made such a noise as -alarmed the whole house. One of the first persons he encountered, -was the postilion returned from Coldstream, where he had been -witness to the marriage, and over and above an handsome gratuity, -had received a bride's favour, which he now wore in his cap -- When -the forsaken lover understood they were actually married, and set -out for London; and that Dutton had discovered to the lady, that -he (the Hibernian) was a taylor, he had like to have run -distracted. He tore the ribbon from the fellow's cap, and beat it -about his ears. He swore he would pursue him to the gates of -hell, and ordered a post-chaise and four to be got ready as soon -as possible; but, recollecting that his finances would not admit -of this way of travelling, he was obliged to countermand this -order. - -For my part, I knew nothing at all of what had happened, till the -postilion brought me the keys of my trunk and portmanteau, which -he had received from Dutton, who sent me his respects, hoping I -would excuse him for his abrupt departure, as it was a step upon -which his fortune depended. Before I had time to make my uncle -acquainted with this event, the Irishman burst into my chamber, -without any introduction, exclaiming, -- 'By my soul, your sarvant -has robbed me of five thousand pounds, and I'll have -satisfaction, if I should be hanged tomorrow.' -- When I asked him -who he was, 'My name (said he) is Master Macloughlin but it -should be Leighlin Oneale, for I am come from Tir-Owen the Great; -and so I am as good a gentleman as any in Ireland; and that -rogue, your sarvant, said I was a taylor, which was as big a lie -as if he had called me the pope -- I'm a man of fortune, and have -spent all I had; and so being in distress, Mr Coshgrave, the -fashioner in Shuffolk-street, tuck me out, and made me his own -private shecretary: by the same token, I was the last he bailed; -for his friends obliged him to tie himself up, that he would bail -no more above ten pounds; for why, becaase as how, he could not -refuse any body that asked, and therefore in time would have -robbed himself of his whole fortune, and, if he had lived long at -that rate, must have died bankrupt very soon and so I made my -addresses to Miss Skinner, a young lady of five thousand pounds -fortune, who agreed to take me for better nor worse; and, to be -sure, this day would have put me in possession, if it had not -been for that rogue, your sarvant, who came like a tief, and -stole away my property, and made her believe I was a taylor; and -that she was going to marry the ninth part of a man: but the -devil burn my soul, if ever I catch him on the mountains of -Tulloghobegly, if I don't shew him that I'm nine times as good a -man as he, or e'er a bug of his country.' - -When he had rung out his first alarm, I told him I was sorry he -had allowed himself to be so jockied; but it was no business of -mine; and that the fellow who robbed him of his bride, had -likewise robbed me of my servant -- 'Didn't I tell you then (cried -he) that Rogue was his true Christian name. -- Oh if I had but one -fair trust with him upon the sod, I'd give him lave to brag all -the rest of his life.' - -My uncle hearing the noise, came in, and being informed of this -adventure, began to comfort Mr Oneale for the lady's elopement; -observing that he seemed to have had a lucky escape, that it was -better she should elope before, than after marriage -- The -Hibernian was of a very different opinion. He said, 'If he had -been once married, she might have eloped as soon as she pleased; -he would have taken care that she should not have carried her -fortune along with her -- Ah (said he) she's a Judas Iscariot, and -has betrayed me with a kiss; and, like Judas, she carried the -bag, and has not left me money enough to bear my expences back to -London; and so I'm come to this pass, and the rogue that was the -occasion of it has left you without a sarvant, you may put me in -his place; and by Jasus, it is the best thing you can do.' -- I -begged to be excused, declaring I could put up with any -inconvenience, rather than treat as a footman the descendant of -Tir-Owen the Great. I advised him to return to his friend, Mr -Cosgrave, and take his passage from Newcastle by sea, towards -which I made him a small present, and he retired, seemingly -resigned to his evil fortune. I have taken upon trial a -Scotchman, called Archy M'Alpin, an old soldier, whose last -master, a colonel, lately died at Berwick. The fellow is old and -withered; but he has been recommended to me for his fidelity, by -Mrs Humphreys, a very good sort of a woman, who keeps the inn at -Tweedmouth, and is much respected by all the travellers on this -road. - -Clinker, without doubt, thinks himself happy in the removal of a -dangerous rival, and he is too good a Christian, to repine at -Dutton's success. Even Mrs Jenkins will have reason to -congratulate herself upon this event, when she cooly reflects -upon the matter; for, howsoever she was forced from her poise for -a season, by snares laid for her vanity, Humphry is certainly the -north-star to which the needle of her affection would have -pointed at the long run. At present, the same vanity is -exceedingly mortified, upon finding herself abandoned by her new -admirer, in favour of another inamorata. She received the news -with a violent burst of laughter, which soon brought on a fit of -crying; and this gave the finishing blow to the patience of her -mistress, which had held out beyond all expectation. She now -opened all those floodgates of reprehension, which had been shut -so long. She not only reproached her with her levity and -indiscretion, but attacked her on the score of religion, -declaring roundly that she was in a state of apostacy and -reprobation; and finally, threatened to send her a packing at -this extremity of the kingdom. All the family interceded for poor -Winifred, not even excepting her slighted swain, Mr Clinker, who, -on his knees, implored and obtained her pardon. - -There was, however, another consideration that gave Mrs Tabitha -some disturbance. At Newcastle, the servants had been informed by -some wag, that there was nothing to eat in Scotland, but oat-meal -and sheep's-heads; and lieutenant Lismahago being consulted, what -he said served rather to confirm than to refute the report. Our -aunt being apprised of this circumstance, very gravely -advised her brother to provide a sumpter horse with store of -hams, tongues, bread, biscuit, and other articles for our -subsistence, in the course of our peregrination, and Mr Bramble -as gravely replied, that he would take the hint into -consideration: but, finding no such provision was made, she now -revived the proposal, observing that there was a tolerable market -at Berwick, where we might be supplied; and that my man's horse -would serve as a beast of burthen -- The 'squire, shrugging his -shoulders, eyed her askance with a look of ineffable contempt: -and, after some pause, 'Sister (said he), I can hardly persuade -myself you are serious.' She was so little acquainted with the -geography of the island, that she imagined we could not go to -Scotland but by sea; and, after we had passed through the town of -Berwick, when he told her we were upon Scottish ground, she could -hardly believe the assertion -- If the truth must be told, the -South Britons in general are woefully ignorant in this -particular. What, between want of curiosity, and traditional -sarcasms, the effect of ancient animosity, the people at the -other end of the island know as little of Scotland as of Japan. - -If I had never been in Wales, I should have been more struck with -the manifest difference in appearance betwixt the peasants and -commonalty on different sides of the Tweed. The boors of -Northumberland are lusty fellows, fresh complexioned, cleanly, -and well cloathed; but the labourers in Scotland are generally -lank, lean, hard-featured, sallow, soiled, and shabby, and their -little pinched blue caps have a beggarly effect. The cattle are -much in the same stile with their drivers, meagre, stunted, and -ill equipt. When I talked to my uncle on this subject, he said, -'Though all the Scottish hinds would not bear to be compared with -those of the rich counties of South Britain, they would stand -very well in competition with the peasants of France, Italy, and -Savoy -- not to mention the mountaineers of Wales, and the red-shanks -of Ireland.' - -We entered Scotland by a frightful moor of sixteen miles, which -promises very little for the interior parts of the kingdom; but -the prospect mended as we advanced. Passing through Dunbar, which -is a neat little town, situated on the sea-side, we lay at a -country inn, where our entertainment far exceeded our -expectation; but for this we cannot give the Scots credit, as the -landlord is a native of England. Yesterday we dined at -Haddington, which has been a place of some consideration, but is -now gone to decay; and in the evening arrived at this metropolis, -of which I can say very little. It is very romantic, from its -situation on the declivity of a hill, having a fortified castle -at the top, and a royal palace at the bottom. The first thing -that strikes the nose of a stranger, shall be nameless; but what -first strikes the eye, is the unconscionable height of the -houses, which generally rise to five, six, seven, and eight -stories, and, in some places (as I am assured), to twelve. This -manner of building, attended with numberless inconveniences, must -have been originally owing to want of room. Certain it is, the -town seems to be full of people: but their looks, their language, -and their customs, are so different from ours, that I can hardly -believe myself in Great-Britain. - -The inn at which we put up (if it may be so called) was so filthy -and disagreeable in all respects, that my uncle began to fret, -and his gouty symptoms to recur -- Recollecting, however, that he -had a letter of recommendation to one Mr Mitchelson, a lawyer, he -sent it by his servant, with a compliment, importing that we -would wait upon him next day in person; but that gentleman -visited us immediately, and insisted upon our going to his own -house, until he could provide lodgings for our accommodation. We -gladly accepted, of his invitation, and repaired to his house, -where we were treated with equal elegance and hospitality, to the -utter confusion of our aunt, whose prejudices, though beginning -to give way, were not yet entirely removed. To-day, by the -assistance of our friend, we are settled in convenient lodgings, -up four pair of stairs, in the High-street, the fourth story -being, in this city, reckoned more genteel than the first. The -air is, in all probability, the better; but it requires good -lungs to breathe it at this distance above the surface of the -earth. -- While I do remain above it, whether higher or lower, -provided I breathe at all, - - -I shall ever be, -Dear Phillips, yours, -J. MELFORD -July 18. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -That part of Scotland contiguous to Berwick, nature seems to have -intended as a barrier between two hostile nations. It is a brown -desert of considerable extent, that produces nothing but heath -and fern; and what rendered it the more dreary when we passed, -there was a thick fog that hindered us from seeing above twenty -yards from the carriage -- My sister began to make wry faces, and -use her smelling-bottle; Liddy looked blank, and Mrs Jenkins -dejected; but in a few hours these clouds were dissipated; the -sea appeared upon our right, and on the left the mountains -retired a little, leaving an agreeable plain betwixt them and the -beach; but, what surprised us all, this plain, to the extent of -several miles, was covered with as fine wheat as ever I saw in -the most fertile parts of South Britain -- This plentiful crop is -raised in the open field, without any inclosure, or other manure -than the alga marina, or seaweed, which abounds on this coast; a -circumstance which shews that the soil and climate are -favourable; but that agriculture in this country is not yet -brought to that perfection which it has attained in England. -Inclosures would not only keep the grounds warm, and the several -fields distinct, but would also protect the crop from the high -winds, which are so frequent in this part of the island. - -Dunbar is well situated for trade, and has a curious bason, where -ships of small burthen may be perfectly secure; but there is -little appearance of business in the place -- From thence, all the -way to Edinburgh, there is a continual succession of fine seats, -belonging to noblemen and gentlemen; and as each is surrounded by -its own parks and plantation, they produce a very pleasing effect -in a country which lies otherwise open and exposed. At Dunbar -there is a noble park, with a lodge, belonging to the Duke of -Roxburgh, where Oliver Cromwell had his head-quarters, when -Lesley, at the head of a Scotch army, took possession of the -mountains in the neighbourhood, and hampered him in such a -manner, that he would have been obliged to embark and get away by -sea, had not the fanaticism of the enemy forfeited the advantage -which they had obtained by their general's conduct -- Their -ministers, by exhortation, prayer, assurance, and prophecy, -instigated them to go down and slay the Philistines in Gilgal, -and they quitted their ground accordingly, notwithstanding all -that Lesley could do to restrain the madness of their enthusiasm -- -When Oliver saw them in motion, he exclaimed, 'Praised be the -Lord, he hath delivered them into the hands of his servant!' and -ordered his troops to sing a psalm of thanksgiving, while they -advanced in order to the plain, where the Scots were routed with -great slaughter. - -In the neighbourhood of Haddington, there is a gentleman's house, -in the building of which, and the improvements about it, he is -said to have expended forty thousand pounds: but I cannot say I -was much pleased with either the architecture or the situation; -though it has in front a pastoral stream, the banks of which are -laid out in a very agreeable manner. I intended to pay my -respects to Lord Elibank, whom I had the honour to know at London -many years ago. He lives in this part of Lothian; but was gone to -the North, on a visit -- You have often heard me mention this -nobleman, whom I have long revered for his humanity and universal -intelligence, over and above the entertainment arising from -originality of his character -- At Musselburgh, however, I had the -good-fortune to drink tea with my old friend Mr Cardonel; and at -his house I met with Dr C--, the parson of the parish, whose -humour and conversation inflamed me with a desire of being better -acquainted with his person -- I am not at all surprised that these -Scots make their way in every quarter of the globe. - -This place is but four miles from Edinburgh, towards which we -proceeded along the sea-shore, upon a firm bottom of smooth sand, -which the tide had left uncovered in its retreat -- Edinburgh, from -this avenue, is not seen to much advantage -- We had only an -imperfect view of the Castle and upper parts of the town, which -varied incessantly according to the inflexions of the road, and -exhibited the appearance of detached spires and turrets, -belonging to some magnificent edifice in ruins. The palace of -Holyrood house stands on the left, as you enter the Canon-gate -- -This is a street continued from hence to the gate called Nether -Bow, which is now taken away; so that there is no interruption -for a long mile, from the bottom to the top of the hill on which -the castle stands in a most imperial situation -- Considering its -fine pavement, its width, and the lofty houses on each side, this -would be undoubtedly one of the noblest streets in Europe, if an -ugly mass of mean buildings, called the Lucken-Booths, had not -thrust itself, by what accident I know not, into the middle of -the way, like Middle-Row in Holborn. The city stands upon two -hills, and the bottom between them; and, with all its defects, -may very well pass for the capital of a moderate kingdom. -- It is -full of people, and continually resounds with the noise of -coaches and other carriages, for luxury as well as commerce. As -far as I can perceive, here is no want of provisions -- The beef -and mutton are as delicate here as in Wales; the sea affords -plenty of good fish; the bread is remarkably fine; and the water -is excellent, though I'm afraid not in sufficient quantity to -answer all the purposes of cleanliness and convenience; articles -in which, it must be allowed, our fellow-subjects are a little -defective -- The water is brought in leaden pipes from a mountain -in the neighbourhood, to a cistern on the Castle-hill, from -whence it is distributed to public conduits in different parts of -the city. From these it is carried in barrels, on the backs of -male and female porters, up two, three, four, five, six, seven, -and eight pairs of stairs, for the use of particular families -- -Every story is a complete house, occupied by a separate family; -and the stair being common to them all, is generally left in a -very filthy condition; a man must tread with great circumspection -to get safe housed with unpolluted shoes -- Nothing can form a -stronger contrast, than the difference betwixt the outside and -inside of the door, for the good-women of this metropolis are -remarkably nice in the ornaments and propriety of their -apartments, as if they were resolved to transfer the imputation -from the individual to the public. You are no stranger to their -method of discharging all their impurities from their windows, at -a certain hour of the night, as the custom is in Spain, Portugal, -and some parts of France and Italy -- A practice to which I can by -no means be reconciled; for notwithstanding all the care that is -taken by their scavengers to remove this nuisance every morning -by break of day, enough still remains to offend the eyes, as well -as other organs of those whom use has not hardened against all -delicacy of sensation. - -The inhabitants seem insensible to these impressions, and are apt -to imagine the disgust that we avow is little better than -affectation; but they ought to have some compassion for -strangers, who have not been used to this kind of sufferance; and -consider, whether it may not be worth while to take some pains to -vindicate themselves from the reproach that, on this account, -they bear among their neighbours. As to the surprising height of -their houses, it is absurd in many respects; but in one -particular light I cannot view it without horror; that is, the -dreadful situation of all the families above, in case the common -staircase should be rendered impassable by a fire in the lower -stories -- In order to prevent the shocking consequences that must -attend such an accident, it would be a right measure to open -doors of communication from one house to another, on every story, -by which the people might fly from such a terrible visitation. In -all parts of the world, we see the force of habit prevailing over -all the dictates of convenience and sagacity. All the people of -business at Edinburgh, and even the genteel company, may be seen -standing in crowds every day, from one to two in the afternoon, -in the open street, at a place where formerly stood a market-cross, -which (by the bye) was a curious piece of Gothic -architecture, still to be seen in lord Sommerville's garden in -this neighbourhood -- I say, the people stand in the open street -from the force of custom, rather than move a few yards to an -Exchange that stands empty on one side, or to the Parliament-close -on the other, which is a noble square adorned with a fine -equestrian statue of king Charles II. -- The company thus -assembled, are entertained with a variety of tunes, played upon a -set of bells, fixed in a steeple hard by -- As these bells are -well-toned, and the musician, who has a salary from the city, for -playing upon them with keys, is no bad performer, the -entertainment is really agreeable, and very striking to the ears -of a stranger. - -The public inns of Edinburgh are still worse than those of -London; but by means of a worthy gentleman, to whom I was -recommended, we have got decent lodgings in the house of a widow -gentlewoman of the name of Lockhart; and here I shall stay until -I have seen every thing that is remarkable in and about this -capital. I now begin to feel the good effects of exercise -- I eat -like a farmer, sleep from mid-night till eight in the morning -without interruption, and enjoy a constant tide of spirits, -equally distant from inanition and excess; but whatever ebbs or -flows my constitution may undergo, my heart will still declare -that I am, - -Dear Lewis, -Your affectionate friend and servant, -MATT. BRAMBLE -EDR. July 18. - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MARY, - -The 'squire has been so kind as to rap my bit of nonsense under -the kiver of his own sheet -- O, Mary Jones! Mary Jones! I have had -trials and trembulation. God help me! I have been a vixen and a -griffin these many days -- Sattin has had power to temp me in the -shape of van Ditton, the young 'squire's wally de shamble; but by -God's grease he did not purvail -- I thoft as how, there was no arm -in going to a play at Newcastle, with my hair dressed in the -Parish fashion; and as for the trifle of paint, he said as how my -complexion wanted touch, and so I let him put it on with a little -Spanish owl; but a mischievous mob of colliers, and such -promiscous ribble rabble, that could bare no smut but their own, -attacked us in the street, and called me hoar and painted -Issabel, and splashed my close, and spoiled me a complete set of -blond lace triple ruffles, not a pin the worse for the ware -- They -cost me seven good sillings, to lady Griskin's woman at London. - -When I axed Mr Clinker what they meant by calling me Issabel, he -put the byebill into my hand, and I read of van Issabel a painted -harlot, that vas thrown out of a vindore, and the dogs came and -licked her blood. But I am no harlot; and, with God's blessing, no -dog shall have my poor blood to lick: marry, Heaven forbid, amen! -As for Ditton, after all his courting, and his compliment, he -stole away an Irishman's bride, and took a French leave of me and -his master; but I vally not his going a farting; but I have had -hanger on his account -- Mistriss scoulded like mad; thof I have -the comfit that all the family took my part, and even Mr Clinker -pleaded for me on his bended knee; thof, God he knows, he had -raisins enuff to complain; but he's a good sole, abounding with -Christian meekness, and one day will meet with his reward. - -And now, dear Mary, we have got to Haddingborrough, among the -Scots, who are civil enuff for our money, thof I don't speak -their lingo -- But they should not go for to impose upon -foreigners; for the bills in their houses say, they have -different easements to let; and behold there is nurro geaks in -the whole kingdom, nor any thing for poor sarvants, but a barrel -with a pair of tongs thrown a-cross; and all the chairs in the -family are emptied into this here barrel once a-day; and at ten -o'clock at night the whole cargo is flung out of a back windore -that looks into some street or lane, and the maids calls gardy -loo to the passengers which signifies Lord have mercy upon you! -and this is done every night in every house in Haddingborrough; -so you may guess, Mary Jones, what a sweet savour comes from such -a number of profuming pans; but they say it is wholesome, and, -truly, I believe it is; for being in the vapours, and thinking of -Issabel and Mr Clinker, I was going into a fit of astericks, when -this fiff, saving your presence, took me by the nose so -powerfully that I sneezed three times, and found myself -wonderfully refreshed; and this to be sure is the raisin why -there are no fits in Haddingborrough. - -I was likewise made believe, that there was nothing to be had but -oatmeal and seeps-heads; but if I hadn't been a fool, I mought -have known there could be no heads without kerkasses -- This very -blessed day I dined upon a delicate leg of Velsh mutton and -cully-flower; and as for the oat-meal, I leave that to the -sarvants of the country, which are pore drudges, many of them -without shoes or stockings -- Mr Clinker tells me here is a great -call of the gospel; but I wish, I wish some of our family be not -fallen off from the rite way -- O, if I was given to tailbaring, I -have my own secrets to discover -- There has been a deal of -huggling and flurtation betwixt mistress and an ould Scotch -officer, called Kismycago. He looks for all the orld like the -scare-crow that our gardener has set up to frite away the -sparrows; and what will come of it, the Lord knows; but come what -will, it shall never be said that I menchioned a syllabub of the -matter -- Remember me kindly to Saul and the kitten -- I hope they -got the horn-buck, and will put it to a good yuse, which is the -constant prayer of, - -Dear Molly, -Your loving friend, -WIN. JENKINS -ADDINGBOROUGH, July 18. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -If I stay much longer at Edinburgh, I shall be changed into a -downright Caledonian -- My uncle observes, that I have already -acquired something of the country accent. The people here are so -social and attentive in their civilities to strangers, that I am -insensibly sucked into the channel of their manners and customs, -although they are in fact much more different from ours than you -can imagine -- That difference, however, which struck me very much -at my first arrival, I now hardly perceive, and my ear is -perfectly reconciled to the Scotch accent, which I find even -agreeable in the mouth of a pretty woman -- It is a sort of Doric -dialect, which gives an idea of amiable simplicity -- You cannot -imagine how we have been caressed and feasted in the good town of -Edinburgh of which we are become free denizens and guild -brothers, by the special favour of the magistracy. - -I had a whimsical commission from Bath, to a citizen of this -metropolis. Quin, understanding our intention to visit Edinburgh, -pulled out a guinea, and desired the favour I would drink it at a -tavern, with a particular friend and bottle-companion of his, Mr -R-- C--, a lawyer of this city -- I charged myself with the -commission, and, taking the guinea, 'You see (said I) I have -pocketed your bounty.' 'Yes (replied Quin, laughing); and a -headake into the bargain, if you drink fair.' I made use of this -introduction to Mr C--, who received me with open arms, and gave -me the rendezvous, according to the cartel. He had provided a -company of jolly fellows, among whom I found myself extremely -happy; and did Mr C-- and Quin all the justice in my power; but, -alas, I was no more than a tiro among a troop of veterans, who -had compassion upon my youth and conveyed me home in the morning -by what means I know not -- Quin was mistaken, however, as to the -head-ake; the claret was too good to treat me so roughly. - -While Mr Bramble holds conferences with the graver literati of -the place, and our females are entertained at visits by the -Scotch ladies, who are the best and kindest creatures upon earth, -I pass my time among the bucks of Edinburgh; who, with a great -share of spirit and vivacity, have a certain shrewdness and self- -command that is not often found among their neighbours, in the -high-day of youth and exultation -- Not a hint escapes a Scotchman -that can be interpreted into offence by any individual in the -company; and national reflections are never heard -- In this -particular, I must own, we are both unjust and ungrateful to the -Scots; for, as far as I am able to judge, they have a real esteem -for the natives of South-Britain; and never mention our country, -but with expressions of regard -- Nevertheless, they are far from -being servile imitators of our modes and fashionable vices. All -their customs and regulations of public and private oeconomy, of -business and diversion, are in their own stile. This remarkably -predominates in their looks, their dress and manner, their music, -and even their cookery. Our 'squire declares, that he knows not -another people upon earth, so strongly marked with a national -character -- Now we are upon the article of cookery, I must own, -some of their dishes are savoury, and even delicate; but I am not -yet Scotchman enough to relish their singed sheep's-head and -haggice, which were provided at our request, one day at Mr -Mitchelson's, where we dined -- The first put me in mind of the -history of Congo, in which I had read of negroes' heads sold -publickly in the markets; the last, being a mess of minced -lights, livers, suet, oat-meal, onions, and pepper, inclosed in a -sheep's stomach, had a very sudden effect upon mine, and the -delicate Mrs Tabby changed colour; when the cause of our disgust -was instantaneously removed at the nod of our entertainer. The -Scots, in general, are attached to this composition, with a sort -of national fondness, as well as to their oat-meal bread; which -is presented at every table, in thin triangular cakes, baked upon -a plate of iron, called a girdle; and these, many of the natives, -even in the higher ranks of life, prefer to wheaten-bread, which -they have here in perfection -- You know we used to vex poor Murray -of Baliol college, by asking, if there was really no fruit but -turnips in Scotland? -- Sure enough, I have seen turnips make their -appearance, not as a desert, but by way of hors d'oeuvres, or -whets, as radishes are served betwixt more substantial dishes in -France and Italy; but it must be observed, that the turnips of -this country are as much superior in sweetness, delicacy, and -flavour, to those in England, as a musk-melon is to the stock of -a common cabbage. They are small and conical, of a yellowish -colour, with a very thin skin and, over and above their agreeable -taste, are valuable for their antiscorbutic quality -- As to the -fruit now in season, such as cherries, gooseberries, and -currants, there is no want of them at Edinburgh; and in the -gardens of some gentlemen, who live in the neighbourhood, there -is now a very favourable appearance of apricots, peaches, -nectarines, and even grapes: nay, I have seen a very fine shew of -pineapples within a few miles of this metropolis. Indeed, we have -no reason to be surprised at these particulars, when we consider -how little difference there is, in fact, betwixt this climate and -that of London. - -All the remarkable places in the city and its avenues, for ten -miles around, we have visited, much to our satisfaction. In the -Castle are some royal apartments, where the sovereign -occasionally resided; and here are carefully preserved the -regalia of the kingdom, consisting of a crown, said to be of -great value, a sceptre, and a sword of state, adorned with -jewels -- Of these symbols of sovereignty, the people are -exceedingly jealous -- A report being spread during the sitting of -the union-parliament, that they were removed to London, such a -tumult arose, that the lord commissioner would have been torn to -pieces, if he had not produced them for the satisfaction of the -populace. - -The palace of Holyrood-house is an elegant piece of architecture, -but sunk in an obscure, and, as I take it, unwholesome bottom, -where one would imagine it had been placed on purpose to be -concealed. The apartments are lofty, but unfurnished; and as for -the pictures of the Scottish kings, from Fergus I. to king -William, they are paultry daubings, mostly by the same hand, -painted either from the imagination, or porters hired to sit for -the purpose. All the diversions of London we enjoy at Edinburgh, -in a small compass. Here is a well conducted concert, in which -several gentlemen perform on different instruments -- The Scots are -all musicians -- Every man you meet plays on the flute, the violin, -or violoncello; and there is one nobleman, whose compositions are -universally admired -- Our company of actors is very tolerable; and -a subscription is now on foot for building a new theatre; but -their assemblies please me above all other public exhibitions. - -We have been at the hunters' ball, where I was really astonished -to see such a number of fine women -- The English, who have never -crossed the Tweed, imagine erroneously, that the Scotch ladies -are not remarkable for personal attractions; but, I can declare -with a safe conscience, I never saw so many handsome females -together, as were assembled on this occasion. At the Leith races, -the best company comes hither from the remoter provinces; so -that, I suppose, we had all the beauty of the kingdom -concentrated as it were into one focus; which was, indeed, so -vehement, that my heart could hardly resist its power. Between -friends, it has sustained some damage from the bright eyes of the -charming miss R[ento]n, whom I had the honour to dance with at -the ball -- The countess of Melville attracted all eyes, and the -admiration of all present -- She was accompanied by the agreeable -miss Grieve, who made many conquests; nor did my sister Liddy -pass unnoticed in the assembly -- She is become a toast at -Edinburgh, by the name of the Fair Cambrian, and has already been -the occasion of much wine-shed; but the poor girl met with an -accident at the ball, which has given us great disturbance. - -A young gentleman, the express image of that rascal Wilson, went -up to ask her to dance a minuet; and his sudden appearance -shocked her so much, that she fainted away -- I call Wilson a -rascal, because, if he had been really a gentleman, with -honourable intentions, he would have, ere now, appeared in his -own character -- I must own, my blood boils with indignation when I -think of that fellow's presumption; and Heaven confound me if I -don't -- But I won't be so womanish as to rail -- Time will, perhaps, -furnish occasion -- Thank God, the cause of Liddy's disorder -remains a secret. The lady directress of the ball, thinking she -was overcome by the heat of the place, had her conveyed to -another room, where she soon recovered so well, as to return and -join in the country dances, in which the Scotch lasses acquit -themselves with such spirit and agility, as put their partners to -the height of their mettle. I believe our aunt, Mrs Tabitha, had -entertained hopes of being able to do some execution among the -cavaliers at this assembly. She had been several days in -consultation with milliners and mantua-makers, preparing for the -occasion, at which she made her appearance in a full suit of -damask, so thick and heavy, that the sight of it alone, at this -season of the year, was sufficient to draw drops of sweat from -any man of ordinary imagination -- She danced one minuet with our -friend Mr Mitchelson, who favoured her so far, in the spirit of -hospitality and politeness; and she was called out a second time -by the young laird of Ballymawhawple, who, coming in by accident, -could not readily find any other partner; but as the first was a -married man, and the second payed no particular homage to her -charms, which were also over-looked by the rest of the company, -she became dissatisfied and censorious -- At supper, she observed -that the Scotch gentlemen made a very good figure, when they were -a little improved by travelling; and therefore it was pity they -did not all take the benefit of going abroad. She said the women -were awkward, masculine creatures; that, in dancing, they lifted -their legs like so many colts; that they had no idea of graceful -motion, and put on their clothes in a frightful manner; but if -the truth must be told, Tabby herself was the most ridiculous -figure, and the worst dressed of the whole assembly. The neglect -of the male sex rendered her malcontent and peevish; she now -found fault with every thing at Edinburgh, and teized her brother -to leave the place, when she was suddenly reconciled to it on a -religious consideration -- There is a sect of fanaticks, who have -separated themselves from the established kirk, under the name of -Seceders -- They acknowledge no earthly head of the church, reject -lay-patronage, and maintain the methodist doctrines of the new -birth, the new light, the efficacy of grace, the insufficiency of -works, and the operations of the spirit. Mrs Tabitha, attended by -Humphry Clinker, was introduced to one of their conventicles, -where they both received much edification; and she has had the -good fortune to come acquainted with a pious Christian, called Mr -Moffat, who is very powerful in prayer, and often assists her in -private exercises of devotion. - -I never saw such a concourse of genteel company at any races in -England, as appeared on the course of Leith -- Hard by, in the -fields called the Links, the citizens of Edinburgh divert -themselves at a game called golf, in which they use a curious -kind of bats, tipt with horn, and small elastic balls of leather, -stuffed with feathers, rather less than tennis balls, but of a -much harder consistence -- This they strike with such force and -dexterity from one hole to another, that they will fly to an -incredible distance. Of this diversion the Scots are so fond, -that when the weather will permit, you may see a multitude of all -ranks, from the senator of justice to the lowest tradesman, -mingled together in their shirts, and following the balls with -the utmost eagerness. Among others, I was shewn one particular set -of golfers, the youngest of whom was turned of fourscore -- They -were all gentlemen of independent fortunes, who had amused -themselves with this pastime for the best part of a century, -without having ever felt the least alarm from sickness or -disgust; and they never went to bed, without having each the best -part of a gallon of claret in his belly. Such uninterrupted -exercise, co-operating with the keen air from the sea, must, -without all doubt, keep the appetite always on edge, and steel -the constitution against all the common attacks of distemper. - -The Leith races gave occasion to another entertainment of a very -singular nature -- There is at Edinburgh a society or corporation -of errand-boys, called cawdies, who ply in the streets at night -with paper lanthorns, and are very serviceable in carrying -messages -- These fellows, though shabby in their appearance, and -rudely familiar in their address, are wonderfully acute, and so -noted for fidelity, that there is no instance of [a] cawdy's -having betrayed his trust -- Such is their intelligence, that they -know, not only every individual of the place, but also every -stranger, by that time he has been four and twenty hours in -Edinburgh; and no transaction, even the most private, can escape -their notice. They are particularly famous for their dexterity in -executing one of the functions of Mercury; though, for my own -part, I never employed them in this department of business -- Had I -occasion for any service of this nature, my own man, Archy -M'Alpine, is as well qualified as e'er a cawdie in Edinburgh; and -I am much mistaken, if he has not been heretofore of their -fraternity. Be that as it may, they resolved to give a dinner and -a ball at Leith, to which they formally invited all the young -noblemen and gentlemen that were at the races; and this -invitation was reinforced by an assurance that all the celebrated -ladies of pleasure would grace the entertainment with their -company. -- I received a card on this occasion, and went thither -with half a dozen of my acquaintance. -- In a large hall the cloth -was laid on a long range of tables joined together, and here the -company seated themselves, to the number of about fourscore, -lords, and lairds, and other gentlemen, courtezans and cawdies -mingled -together, as the slaves and their masters were in the time of the -Saturnalia in ancient Rome. -- The toast master, who sat at the -upper end, was one Cawdie Fraser, a veteran pimp, distinguished -for his humour and sagacity, well known and much respected in his -profession by all the guests, male and female, that were here -assembled. -- He had bespoke the dinner and the wine: he had taken -care that all his brethren should appear in decent apparel and -clean linen; and he himself wore a periwig with three tails in -honour of the festival. -- I assure you the banquet was both -elegant and plentiful, and seasoned with a thousand sallies, that -promoted a general spirit of mirth and good humour. -- After the -desert, Mr Fraser proposed the following toasts, which I don't -pretend to explain. 'The best in Christendom.' -- 'Gibbs' -contract.' -- 'The beggar's benison,' -- 'King and kirk.' -- 'Great -Britain and Ireland.' Then, filling a bumper, and turning to me, -'Mester Malford (said he), may a' unkindness cease betwixt John -Bull and his sister Moggy.' -- The next person he singled out, was -a nobleman who had been long abroad. -- 'Ma lord (cried Fraser), -here is a bumper to a' those noblemen who have virtue enough to -spend their rents in their ain countray.' -- He afterwards -addressed himself to a member of parliament in these words: -- -'Meester -- I'm sure ye'll ha' nae objection to my drinking, -disgrace and dule to ilka Scot, that sells his conscience and his -vote.' -- He discharged a third sarcasm at a person very gaily -dressed, who had risen from small beginnings, and made a -considerable fortune at play. -- Filling his glass, and calling him -by name, 'Lang life (said he), to the wylie loon that gangs a-field -with a toom poke at his lunzie, and comes hame with a -sackful of siller.' -- All these toasts being received with loud -bursts of applause, Mr Fraser called for pint glasses, and filled -his own to the brim: then standing up, and all his brethren -following his example, 'Ma lords and gentlemen (cried he), here -is a cup of thanks for the great and undeserved honour you have -done your poor errand-boys this day.' -- So saying, he and they -drank off their glasses in a trice, and quitting their seats, -took their station each behind one of the other guests; -exclaiming, 'Noo we're your honours cawdies again.' - -The nobleman who had bore the first brunt of Mr Fraser's satire, -objected to his abdication. He said, as the company was assembled -by invitation from the cawdies, he expected they were to be -entertained at their expense. 'By no means, my lord (cried -Fraser), I wad na he guilty of sic presumption for the wide -warld -- I never affronted a gentleman since I was born; and sure -at this age I wonnot offer an indignity to sic an honourable -convention.' 'Well (said his Lordship) as you have expended some -wit, you have a right to save your money. You have given me good -counsel, and I take it in good part. As you have voluntarily -quitted your seat, I will take your place with the leave of the -good company, and think myself happy to be hailed, Father of the -Feast.' He was forthwith elected into the chair, and complimented -in a bumper in his new character. - -The claret continued to circulate without interruption, till the -glasses seemed to dance upon the table, and this, perhaps, was a -hint to the ladies to call for music -- At eight in the evening the -ball began in another apartment: at midnight we went to supper; -but it was broad day before I found the way to my lodgings; and, -no doubt, his Lordship had a swinging bill to discharge. - -In short, I have lived so riotously for some weeks, that my uncle -begins to be alarmed on the score of my constitution, and very -seriously observes, 'that all his own infirmities are owing to -such excesses indulged in his youth -- Mrs Tabitha says it would be -more to the advantage of my soul as well as body, if, instead of -frequenting these scenes of debauchery, I would accompany Mr -Moffat and her to hear a sermon of the reverend Mr M'Corkindale. -- -Clinker often exhorts me, with a groan, to take care of my -precious health; and even Archy M'Alpine, when he happens to be -overtaken (which is oftener the case than I could wish), reads me -a long lecture upon temperance and sobriety; and is so very wise -and sententious, that, if I could provide him with a professor's -chair, I would willingly give up the benefit of his amonitions -and service together; for I was tutor-sick at alma mater. - -I am not, however, so much engrossed by the gaieties of -Edinburgh, but that I find time to make parties in the family -way. We have not only seen all the villas and villages within ten -miles of the capital, but we have also crossed the Firth, which -is an arm of the sea seven miles broad, that divides Lothian from -the shire, or, as the Scots call it, the kingdom of Fife. There -is a number of large open sea-boats that ply on this passage -from Leith to Kinghorn, which is a borough on the other side. -In one of these our whole family embarked three days ago, excepting -my sister, who, being exceedingly fearful of the water, was left -to the care of Mrs Mitchelson. We had an easy and quick passage -into Fife, where we visited a number of poor towns on the sea-side, -including St Andrew's, which is the skeleton of a venerable city; -but we were much better pleased with some noble and elegant seats -and castles, of which there is a great number in that part of -Scotland. Yesterday we took boat again on our return to Leith, -with fair wind and agreeable weather; but we had not advanced -half-way when the, sky was suddenly overcast, and the wind -changing, blew directly in our teeth so that we were obliged to -turn, or tack the rest of the way. In a word, the gale increased -to a storm of wind and rain, attended with such a fog, that we -could not see the town of Leith, to which we were bound, nor even -the castle of Edinburgh, notwithstanding its high situation. It -is not to be doubted but that we were all alarmed on this -occasion. And at the same time, most of the passengers were -seized with a nausea that produced violent retchings. My aunt -desired her brother to order the boatmen, to put back to -Kinghorn, and this expedient he actually proposed; but they -assured him there was no danger. Mrs Tabitha finding them -obstinate, began to scold, and insisted upon my uncle's exerting -his authority as a justice of the peace. Sick and peevish as he -was, he could not help laughing at this wise proposal, telling -her, that his commission did not extend so far, and, if it did, -he should let the people take their own way; for he thought it -would be great presumption in him to direct them in the exercise -of their own profession. Mrs Winifred Jenkins made a general -clearance with the assistance of Mr Humphry Clinker, who joined -her both in prayer and ejaculation. -- As he took it for granted -that we should not be long in this world, he offered some -spiritual consolation to Mrs Tabitha, who rejected it with great -disgust, bidding him keep his sermons for those who had leisure -to hear such nonsense. -- My uncle sat, collected in himself, -without speaking; my man Archy had recourse to a brandy-bottle, -with which he made so free, that I imagined he had sworn to die -of drinking any thing rather than sea-water: but the brandy had -no more effect upon him in the way of intoxication, than if it -had been sea-water in good earnest. -- As for myself, I was too -much engrossed by the sickness at my stomach, to think of any -thing else. Meanwhile the sea swelled mountains high, the boat -pitched with such violence, as if it had been going to pieces; -the cordage rattled, the wind roared; the lightning flashed, the -thunder bellowed, and the rain descended in a deluge -- Every time -the vessel was put about, we ship'd a sea that drenched us all to -the skin. -- When, by dint of turning, we thought to have cleared -the pier head, we were driven to leeward, and then the boatmen -themselves began to fear that the tide would fail before we -should fetch up our lee-way: the next trip, however, brought us -into smooth water, and we were safely landed on the quay, about -one o'clock in the afternoon. -- 'To be sure (cried Tabby, when she -found herself on terra firma), we must all have perished, if we -had not been the particular care of Providence.' 'Yes (replied my -uncle), but I am much of the honest highlander's mind -- after he -had made such a passage as this: his friend told him he was much -indebted to Providence; -- "Certainly (said Donald), but, by my -saul, mon, I'se ne'er trouble Providence again, so long as the -brig of Stirling stands."' -- You must know the brig, or bridge of -Stirling, stands above twenty miles up the river Forth, of which -this is the outlet -- I don't find that our 'squire has suffered in -his health from this adventure; but poor Liddy is in a peaking -way -- I'm afraid this unfortunate girl is uneasy in her mind; and -this apprehension distracts me, for she is really an amiable -creature. - -We shall set out to-morrow or next day for Stirling and Glasgow; -and we propose to penetrate a little way into the Highlands, -before we turn our course to the southward -- In the mean time, -commend me to all our friends round Carfax, and believe me to be, -ever yours, - -EDINBURGH, Aug. 8. -J. MELFORD - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -I should be very ungrateful, dear Lewis, if I did not find myself -disposed to think and speak favourably of this people, among whom -I have met with more kindness, hospitality, and rational -entertainment, in a few weeks, than ever I received in any other -country during the whole course of my life. -- Perhaps, the -gratitude excited by these benefits may interfere with the -impartiality of my remarks; for a man is as apt to be -prepossessed by particular favours as to be prejudiced by private -motives of disgust. If I am partial, there is, at least, some -merit in my conversion from illiberal prejudices which had grown -up with my constitution. - -The first impressions which an Englishman receives in this -country, will not contribute to the removal of his prejudices; -because he refers every thing he sees to a comparison with the -same articles in his own country; and this comparison is -unfavourable to Scotland in all its exteriors, such as the face -of the country in respect to cultivation, the appearance of the -bulk of the people, and the language of conversation in general. -- -I am not so far convinced by Mr Lismahago's arguments, but that -I think the Scots would do well, for their own sakes, to adopt -the English idioms and pronunciation; those of them especially, -who are resolved to push their fortunes in South-Britain -- I know, -by experience, how easily an Englishman is influenced by the ear, -and how apt he is to laugh, when he hears his own language spoken -with a foreign or provincial accent -- I have known a member of the -house of commons speak with great energy and precision, without -being able to engage attention, because his observations were -made in the Scotch dialect, which (no offence to lieutenant -Lismahago) certainly gives a clownish air even to sentiments of -the greatest dignity and decorum. -- I have declared my opinion on -this head to some of the most sensible men of this country, -observing, at the same time, that if they would employ a few -natives of England to teach the pronunciation of our vernacular -tongue, in twenty years there would be no difference, in point of -dialect, between the youth of Edinburgh and of London. - -The civil regulations of this kingdom and metropolis are taken -from very different models from those of England, except in a few -particular establishments, the necessary consequences of the -union. -- Their college of justice is a bench of great dignity, -filled with judges of character and ability. -- I have heard some -causes tried before this venerable tribunal; and was very much -pleased with the pleadings of their advocates, who are by no -means deficient either in argument or elocution. The Scottish -legislation is founded, in a great measure, on the civil law; -consequently, their proceedings vary from those of the English -tribunals; but, I think, they have the advantage of us in their -method of examining witnesses apart, and in the constitution of -their jury, by which they certainly avoid the evil which I -mentioned in my last from Lismahago's observation. - -The university of Edinburgh is supplied with excellent professors -in all the sciences; and the medical school, in particular, is -famous all over Europe. -- The students of this art have the best -opportunity of learning it to perfection, in all its branches, as -there are different courses for the theory of medicine and the -practice of medicine; for anatomy, chemistry, botany, and the -materia medica, over and above those of mathematics and -experimental philosophy; and all these are given by men of -distinguished talents. What renders this part of education still -more complete, is the advantage of attending the infirmary, which -is the best instituted charitable foundation that I ever knew. -Now we are talking of charities, here are several hospitals, -exceedingly well endowed, and maintained under admirable -regulations; and these are not only useful, but ornamental to the -city. Among these, I shall only mention the general work-house, -in which all the poor, not otherwise provided for, are employed, -according to their different abilities, with such judgment and -effect, that they nearly maintain themselves by their labour, and -there is not a beggar to be seen within the precincts of this -metropolis. It was Glasgow that set the example of this -establishment, about thirty years ago. -- Even the kirk of -Scotland, so long reproached with fanaticism and canting, abounds -at present with ministers celebrated for their learning, and -respectable for their moderation. -- I have heard their sermons -with equal astonishment and pleasure. -- The good people of -Edinburgh no longer think dirt and cobwebs essential to the house -of God. -- Some of their churches have admitted such ornaments as -would have excited sedition, even in England, a little more than -a century ago; and Psalmody is here practised and taught by a -professor from the cathedral of Durham: -- I should not be -surprised, in a few years, to hear it accompanied with an organ. - -Edinburgh is a hot-bed of genius. -- I have had the good fortune to -be made acquainted with many authors of the first distinction; -such as the two Humes, Robertson, Smith, Wallace, Blair, -Ferguson, Wilkie, &c. and I have found them all as agreeable in -conversation as they are instructive and entertaining in their -writings. These acquaintances I owe to the friendship of Dr -Carlyle, who wants nothing but inclination to figure with the -rest upon paper. The magistracy of Edinburgh is changed every -year by election, and seems to be very well adapted both for -state and authority. -- The lord provost is equal in dignity to the -lord mayor of London; and the four bailies are equivalent to the -rank of aldermen. -- There is a dean of guild, who takes cognizance -of mercantile affairs; a treasurer; a town-clerk; and the council -is composed of deacons, one of whom is returned every year, in -rotation, as representative of every company of artificers or -handicraftsmen. Though this city, from the nature of its -situation, can never be made either very convenient or very -cleanly, it has, nevertheless, an air of magnificence that -commands respect. -- The castle is an instance of the sublime in -scite and architecture. -- Its fortifications are kept in good -order, and there is always in it a garrison of regular soldiers, -which is relieved every year; but it is incapable of sustaining a -siege carried on according to the modern operations of war. -- The -castle hill, which extends from the outward gate to the upper end -of the high street, is used as a public walk for the citizens, -and commands a prospect, equally extensive and delightful, over -the county of Fife, on the other side of the Frith, and all along -the sea-coast, which is covered with a succession of towns that -would seem to indicate a considerable share of commerce; but, if -the truth must be told, these towns have been falling to decay -ever since the union, by which the Scots were in a great measure -deprived of their trade with France. -- The palace of Holyrood-house -is a jewel in architecture, thrust into a hollow where it -cannot be seen; a situation which was certainly not chosen by the -ingenious architect, who must have been confined to the site of -the old palace, which was a convent. Edinburgh is considerably -extended on the south side, where there are divers little elegant -squares built in the English manner; and the citizens have -planned some improvements on the north, which, when put in -execution, will add greatly to the beauty and convenience of this -capital. - -The sea-port is Leith, a flourishing town, about a mile from the -city, in the harbour of which I have seen above one hundred ships -lying all together. You must know, I had the curiosity to cross -the Frith in a passage boat, and stayed two days in Fife, which -is remarkably fruitful in corn, and exhibits a surprising number -of fine seats, elegantly built, and magnificently furnished. -There is an incredible number of noble houses in every part of -Scotland that I have seen. -- Dalkeith, Pinkie, Yester, and lord -Hopton's [Hopetoun's], all of them within four or five miles of -Edinburgh, are princely palaces, in every one of which a -sovereign might reside at his case. -- I suppose the Scots affect -these monuments of grandeur. -- If I may be allowed to mingle -censure with my remarks upon a people I revere, I must observe, -that their weak side seems to be vanity. -- I am afraid that even -their hospitality is not quite free of ostentation. I think I -have discovered among them uncommon pains taken to display their -fine linen, of which, indeed, they have great plenty, their -furniture, plate, housekeeping, and variety of wines, in which -article, it must be owned, they are profuse, if not prodigal -- A -burgher of Edinburgh, not content to vie with a citizen of -London, who has ten times his fortune, must excel him in the -expence as well as elegance of his entertainments. - -Though the villas of the Scotch nobility and gentry have -generally an air of grandeur and state, I think their gardens and -parks are not comparable to those of England; a circumstance the -more remarkable, as I was told by the ingenious Mr Phillip Miller -of Chelsea, that almost all the gardeners of South-Britain were -natives of Scotland. The verdure of this country is not equal to -that of England. -- The pleasure-grounds are, in my opinion, not so -well laid out according to the genius loci; nor are the lawns, -and walks, and hedges kept in such delicate order. -- The trees are -planted in prudish rows, which have not such an agreeable natural -effect, as when they are thrown into irregular groupes, with -intervening glades; and firs, which they generally raise around -their houses, look dull and funereal in the summer season. -- I -must confess, indeed, that they yield serviceable timber, and -good shelter against the northern blasts; that they grow and -thrive in the most barren soil, and continually perspire a fine -balsam of turpentine, which must render the air very salutary and -sanative to lungs of a tender texture. - -Tabby and I have been both frightened in our return by sea from -the coast of Fife -- She was afraid of drowning, and I of catching -cold, in consequence of being drenched with sea-water; but my -fears as well as hers, have been happily disappointed. She is now -in perfect health; I wish I could say the same of Liddy -- -Something uncommon is the matter with that poor girl; her colour -fades, her appetite fails, and her spirits flag -- She is become -moping and melancholy, and is often found in tears -- Her brother -suspects internal uneasiness on account of Wilson, and denounces -vengeance against that adventurer. -- She was, it seems, strongly -affected at the ball by the sudden appearance of one Mr Gordon, -who strongly resembles the said Wilson; but I am rather -suspicious that she caught cold by being overheated with -dancing. -- I have consulted Dr Gregory, an eminent physician of an -amiable character, who advises the highland air, and the use of -goat-milk whey, which, surely, cannot have a bad effect upon a -patient who was born and bred among the mountains of Wales -- The -doctors opinion is the more agreeable, as we shall find those -remedies in the very place which I proposed as the utmost extent -of our expedition -- I mean the borders of Argyle. - -Mr Smollett, one of the judges of the commissary court, which is -now sitting, has very kindly insisted upon our lodging at his -country-house, on the banks of Lough-Lomond, about fourteen miles -beyond Glasgow. For this last city we shall set out in two days, -and take Stirling in our way, well provided with recommendations -from our friends at Edinburgh, whom, I protest, I shall leave -with much regret. I am so far from thinking it any hardship to -live in this country, that, if I was obliged to lead a town life, -Edinburgh would certainly be the headquarters of - - -Yours always, -MATT. BRAMBLE -EDIN., August 8. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -I am now little short of the Ultima Thule, if this appellation -properly belongs to the Orkneys or Hebrides. These last are now -lying before me, to the amount of some hundreds, scattered up and -down the Deucalidonian sea, affording the most picturesque and -romantic prospect I ever beheld -- I write this letter in a -gentleman's house, near the town of Inverary which may be deemed -the capital of the West Highlands, famous for nothing so much as -for the stately castle begun, and actually covered in by the late -duke of Argyle, at a prodigious expence -- Whether it will ever be -completely finished is a question. -- - -But, to take things in order -- We left Edinburgh ten days ago; and -the further North we proceed, we find Mrs Tabitha the less -manageable; so that her inclinations are not of the nature of the -loadstone; they point not towards the pole. What made her leave -Edinburgh with reluctance at last, if we may believe her own -assertions, was a dispute which she left unfinished with Mr -Moffat, touching the eternity of hell torments. That gentleman, -as he advanced in years, began to be sceptical on this head, -till, at length, he declared open war against the common -acceptation of the word eternal. He is now persuaded, that -eternal signifies no more than an indefinite number of years; and -that the most enormous sinner may be quit for nine millions, nine -hundred thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine years of hell- -fire; which term or period, as he very well observes, forms but -an inconsiderable drop, as it were, in the ocean of eternity -- For -this mitigation he contends, as a system agreeable to the ideas -of goodness and mercy, which we annex to the supreme Being -- Our -aunt seemed willing to adopt this doctrine in favour of the -wicked; but he hinted that no person whatever was so righteous as -to be exempted entirely from punishment in a future state; and -that the most pious Christian upon earth might think himself very -happy to get off for a fast of seven or eight thousand years in -the midst of fire and brimstone. Mrs Tabitha revolted at this -dogma, which filled her at once with horror and indignation -- She -had recourse to the opinion of Humphry Clinker, who roundly -declared it was the popish doctrine of purgatory, and quoted -scripture in defence of the fire everlasting, prepared for the -devil and his angels -- The reverend master Mackcorkendal, and all -the theologists and saints of that persuasion were consulted, and -some of them had doubts about the matter; which doubts and -scruples had begun to infect our aunt, when we took our departure -from Edinburgh. - -We passed through Linlithgow, where there was an elegant royal -palace, which is now gone to decay, as well as the town itself -- -This too is pretty much the case with Stirling, though it still -boasts of a fine old castle in which the kings of Scotland were -wont to reside in their minority -- But Glasgow is the pride of -Scotland, and, indeed, it might very well pass for an elegant and -flourishing city in any part of Christendom. There we had the -good fortune to be received into the house of Mr Moore, an -eminent surgeon, to whom we were recommended by one of our -friends at Edinburgh; and, truly, he could not have done us more -essential service -- Mr Moore is a merry facetious companion, -sensible and shrewd, with a considerable fund of humour; and his -wife an agreeable woman, well bred, kind, and obliging. Kindness, -which I take to be the essence of good-nature and humanity, is -the distinguishing characteristic of the Scotch ladies in their -own country -- Our landlord shewed us every thing, and introduced -us to all the world at Glasgow; where, through his -recommendation, we were complimented with the freedom of the -town. Considering the trade and opulence of this place, it cannot -but abound with gaiety and diversions. Here is a great number of -young fellows that rival the youth of the capital in spirit and -expence; and I was soon convinced, that all the female beauties -of Scotland were not assembled at the hunters ball in Edinburgh -- -The town of Glasgow flourishes in learning as well as in -commerce -- Here is an university, with professors in all the -different branches of science, liberally endowed, and judiciously -chosen -- It was vacation time when I passed, so that I could not -entirely satisfy my curiosity; but their mode of education is -certainly preferable to ours in some respects. The students are -not left to the private instruction of tutors; but taught in -public schools or classes, each science by its particular -professor or regent. - -My uncle is in raptures with Glasgow -- He not only visited all the -manufactures of the place, but made excursions all round to -Hamilton, Paisley, Renfrew, and every other place within a dozen -miles, where there was any thing remarkable to be seen in art or -nature. I believe the exercise, occasioned by those jaunts, was -of service to my sister Liddy, whose appetite and spirits begin -to revive -- Mrs Tabitha displayed her attractions as usual, and -actually believed she had entangled one Mr Maclellan, a rich -inkle-manufacturer, in her snares; but when matters came to an -explanation, it appeared that his attachment was altogether -spiritual, founded upon an intercourse of devotion, at the -meeting of Mr John Wesley; who, in the course of his evangelical -mission, had come hither in person -- At length, we set out for the -banks of Lough-Lomond, passing through the little borough of -Dumbarton, or (as my uncle will have it) Dunbritton, where there -is a castle, more curious than any thing of the kind I had ever -seen. It is honoured with a particular description by the elegant -Buchanan, as an arx inexpugnabilis, and, indeed, it must have -been impregnable by the antient manner of besieging. It is a rock -of considerable extent, rising with a double top, in an angle -formed by the confluence of two rivers, the Clyde and the Leven; -perpendicular and inaccessible on all sides, except in one place -where the entrance is fortified; and there is no rising ground in -the neighbourhood from whence it could be damaged by any kind of -battery. - -From Dumbarton, the West Highlands appear in the form of huge, -dusky mountains, piled one over another; but this prospect is not -at all surprising to a native of Glamorgan -- We have fixed our -headquarters at Cameron, a very neat country-house belonging to -commissary Smollet, where we found every sort of accommodation we -could desire -- It is situated like a Druid's temple, in a grove of -oak, close by the side of Lough-Lomond, which is a surprising -body of pure transparent water, unfathomably deep in many places, -six or seven miles broad, four and twenty miles in length, -displaying above twenty green islands, covered with wood; some of -them cultivated for corn, and many of them stocked with red deer -- -They belong to different gentlemen, whose seats are scattered -along the banks of the lake, which are agreeably romantic beyond -all conception. My uncle and I have left the women at Cameron, as -Mrs Tabitha would by no means trust herself again upon the water, -and to come hither it was necessary to cross a small inlet of the -sea, in an open ferry-boat -- This country appears more and more -wild and savage the further we advance; and the People are as -different from the Low-land Scots, in their looks, garb, and -language, as the mountaineers of Brecknock are from the -inhabitants of Herefordshire. - -When the Lowlanders want to drink a chearupping-cup, they go to -the public house, called the Change-house, and call for a chopine -of two-penny, which is a thin, yeasty beverage, made of malt; not -quite so strong as the table-beer of England, -- This is brought in -a pewter stoop, shaped like a skittle, from whence it is emptied -into a quaff; that is, a curious cup made of different pieces of -wood, such as box and ebony, cut into little staves, joined -alternately, and secured with delicate hoops, having two cars or -handles -- It holds about a gill, is sometimes tipt round the mouth -with silver, and has a plate of the same metal at bottom, with -the landlord's cypher engraved. -- The Highlanders, on the -contrary, despise this liquor, and regale themselves with whisky; -a malt spirit, as strong as geneva, which they swallow in great -quantities, without any signs of inebriation. They are used to it -from the cradle, and find it an excellent preservative against -the winter cold, which must be extreme on these mountains -- I am -told that it is given with great success to infants, as a cordial -in the confluent smallpox, when the eruption seems to flag, and -the symptoms grow unfavourable -- The Highlanders are used to eat -much more animal food than falls to the share of their neighbours -in the Low-country -- They delight in hunting; have plenty of deer -and other game, with a great number of sheep, goats, and black-cattle -running wild, which they scruple not to kill as vension, -without being much at pains to ascertain the property. - -Inverary is but a poor town, though it stands immediately under -the protection of the duke of Argyle, who is a mighty prince in -this part of Scotland. The peasants live in wretched cabins, and -seem very poor; but the gentlemen are tolerably well lodged, and -so loving to strangers, that a man runs some risque of his life -from their hospitality -- It must be observed that the poor -Highlanders are now seen to disadvantage. They have been not only -disarmed by act of parliament, but also deprived of their ancient -garb, which was both graceful and convenient; and what is a -greater hardship still, they are compelled to wear breeches; a -restraint which they cannot bear with any degree of patience: -indeed, the majority wear them, not in the proper place, but on -poles or long staves over their shoulders -- They are even debarred -the use of their striped stuff called Tartane, which was their -own manufacture, prized by them above all the velvets, brocades, -and tissues of Europe and Asia. They now lounge along in loose -great coats, of coarse russet, equally mean and cumbersome, and -betray manifest marks of dejection -- Certain it is, the government -could not have taken a more effectual method to break their -national spirit. - -We have had princely sport in hunting the stag on these mountains. -These are the lonely hills of Morven, where Fingal and his heroes -enjoyed the same pastime; I feel an enthusiastic pleasure when I -survey the brown heath that Ossian wont to tread; and hear the -wind whistle through the bending grass -- When I enter our -landlord's hall, I look for the suspended harp of that divine -bard, and listen in hopes of hearing the aerial sound of his -respected spirit -- The poems of Ossian are in every mouth -- A -famous antiquarian of this country, the laird of Macfarlane, at -whose house we dined a few days ago, can repeat them all in the -original Gallick, which has a great affinity to the Welch, not -only in the general sound, but also in a great number of radical -words; and I make no doubt that they are both sprung from the -same origin. I was not a little surprised, when asking a -Highlander one day, if he knew where we should find any game? he -replied, 'hu niel Sassenagh', which signifies no English: the -very same answer I should have received from a Welchman, and -almost in the same words. The Highlanders have no other name for -the people of the Low-country, but Sassenagh, or Saxons; a strong -presumption, that the Lowland Scots and the English are derived -from the same stock -- The peasants of these hills strongly -resemble those of Wales in their looks, their manners, and -habitations; every thing I see , and hear, and feel, seems Welch -- -The mountains, vales, and streams; the air and climate; the -beef, mutton, and game, are all Welch -- It must be owned, however, -that this people are better Provided than we in some articles -- -They have plenty of red deer and roebuck, which are fat and -delicious at this season of the year. Their sea teems with amazing -quantities of the finest fish in the world. and they find means -to procure very good claret at a very small expence. - -Our landlord is a man of consequence in this part of the country; -a cadet from the family of Argyle and hereditary captain of one -of his castles -- His name, in plain English, is Dougal Campbell; -but as there is a great number of the same appellation, they are -distinguished (like the Welch) by patronimics; and as I have -known an antient Briton called Madoc ap-Morgan ap-Jenkin, ap-Jones, -our Highland chief designs himself Dou'l Mac-amish mac-'oul ichian, -signifying Dougal, the son of James, the son of -Dougal, the son of John. He has travelled in the course of his -education, and is disposed to make certain alterations in his -domestic oeconomy; but he finds it impossible to abolish the -ancient customs of the family; some of which are ludicrous -enough -- His piper for example, who is an hereditary officer of -the household, will not part with the least particle of his -privileges. He has a right to wear the kilt, or ancient Highland -dress, with the purse, pistol, and durk -- a broad yellow ribbon, -fixed to the chanter-pipe, is thrown over his shoulder, and -trails along the ground, while he performs the function of his -minstrelsy; and this, I suppose, is analogous to the pennon or -flag which was formerly carried before every knight in battle. -- -He plays before the laird every Sunday in his way to the kirk, -which he circles three times, performing the family march which -implies defiance to all the enemies of the clan; and every -morning he plays a full hour by the clock, in the great hall, -marching backwards and forwards all the time, with a solemn pace, -attended by the laird's kinsmen, who seem much delighted with the -music -- In this exercise, he indulges them with a variety of -pibrochs or airs, suited to the different passions, which he -would either excite or assuage. - -Mr Campbell himself, who performs very well on the violin, has an -invincible antipathy to the sound of the Highland bagpipe, which -sings in the nose with a most alarming twang, and, indeed, is -quite intolerable to ears of common sensibility, when aggravated -by the echo of a vaulted hall -- He therefore begged the piper -would have some mercy upon him, and dispense with this part of -the morning service -- A consultation of the clan being held on -this occasion, it was unanimously agreed, that the laird's -request could not be granted without a dangerous encroachment -upon the customs of the family -- The piper declared, he could not -give up for a moment the privilege he derived from his ancestors; -nor would the laird's relations forego an entertainment which -they valued above all others -- There was no remedy; Mr Campbell, -being obliged to acquiesce, is fain to stop his ears with cotton; -to fortify his head with three or four night-caps and every -morning retire into the penetralia of his habitation, in order to -avoid this diurnal annoyance. When the music ceases, he produces -himself at an open window that looks into the courtyard, which is -by this time filled with a crowd of his vassals and dependents, -who worship his first appearance, by uncovering their heads, and -bowing to the earth with the most humble prostration. As all -these people have something to communicate in the way of -proposal, complaint, or petition, they wait patiently till the -laird comes forth, and, following him in his walks, are favoured -each with a short audience in his turn. Two days ago, he -dispatched above an hundred different sollicitors, in walking -with us to the house of a neighbouring gentleman, where we dined -by invitation. Our landlord's housekeeping is equally rough and -hospitable, and savours much of the simplicity of ancient times: -the great hall, paved with flat stones, is about forty-five feet -by twenty-two, and serves not only for a dining-room, but also -for a bedchamber, to gentlemen-dependents and hangers-on of the -family. At night, half a dozen occasional beds are ranged on each -side along the wall. These are made of fresh heath, pulled up by -the roots, and disposed in such a manner as to make a very -agreeable couch, where they lie, without any other covering than -the plaid -- My uncle and I were indulged with separate chambers -and down beds which we begged to exchange for a layer of heath; -and indeed I never slept so much to my satisfaction. It was not -only soft and elastic, but the plant, being in flower, diffused -an agreeable fragrance, which is wonderfully refreshing and -restorative. - -Yesterday we were invited to the funeral of an old lady, the -grandmother of a gentleman in this neighbourhood, and found -ourselves in the midst of fifty people, who were regaled with a -sumptuous feast, accompanied by the music of a dozen pipers. In -short, this meeting had all the air of a grand festival; and the -guests did such honour to the entertainment, that many of them -could not stand when we were reminded of the business on which -we had met. The company forthwith taking horse, rode in a very -irregular cavalcade to the place of interment, a church, at the -distance of two long miles from the castle. On our arrival, -however, we found we had committed a small oversight, in leaving -the corpse behind; so we were obliged to wheel about, and met the -old gentlewoman half way, being carried upon poles by the nearest -relations of her family, and attended by the coronach, composed -of a multitude of old hags, who tore their hair, beat their -breasts, and howled most hideously. At the grave, the orator, or -senachie, pronounced the panegyric of the defunct, every period -being confirmed by a yell of the coronach. The body was committed -to the earth, the pipers playing a pibroch all the time; and all -the company standing uncovered. The ceremony was closed with the -discharge of pistols; then we returned to the castle, resumed the -bottle, and by midnight there was not a sober person in the -family, the females excepted. The 'squire and I were, with some -difficulty, permitted to retire with our landlord in the evening; -but our entertainer was a little chagrined at our retreat; and -afterwards seemed to think it a disparagement to his family, that -not above a hundred gallons of whisky had been drunk upon such a -solemn occasion. This morning we got up by four, to hunt the -roebuck, and, in half an hour, found breakfast ready served in -the hall. The hunters consisted of Sir George Colquhoun and me, -as strangers (my uncle not chusing to be of the party), of the -laird in person, the laird's brother, the laird's brother's son, -the laird's sister's son, the laird's father's brother's son, and -all their foster brothers, who are counted parcel of the family: -but we were attended by an infinite number of Gaelly's, or ragged -Highlanders without shoes or stockings. - -The following articles formed our morning's repast: one kit of -boiled eggs; a second, full of butter; a third full of cream; an -entire cheese, made of goat's milk; a large earthen pot full of -honey; the best part of a ham; a cold venison pasty; a bushel of -oat meal, made in thin cakes and bannocks, with a small wheaten -loaf in the middle for the strangers; a large stone bottle full -of whisky, another of brandy, and a kilderkin of ale. There was -a ladle chained to the cream kit, with curious wooden bickers to -be filled from this reservoir. The spirits were drank out of a -silver quaff, and the ale out of hems: great justice was done to -the collation by the guest in general; one of them in particular -ate above two dozen of hard eggs, with a proportionable quantity -of bread, butter, and honey; nor was one drop of liquor left upon -the board. Finally, a large roll of tobacco was presented by way -of desert, and every individual took a comfortable quid, to -prevent the bad effects of the morning air. We had a fine chace -over the mountains, after a roebuck, which we killed, and I got -home time enough to drink tea with Mrs Campbell and our 'squire. -To-morrow we shall set out on our return for Cameron. We propose -to cross the Frith of Clyde, and take the towns of Greenock and -Port-Glasgow in our way. This circuit being finished, we shall -turn our faces to the south, and follow the sun with augmented -velocity, in order to enjoy the rest of the autumn in England, -where Boreas is not quite so biting as he begins already to be on -the tops of these northern hills. But our progress from place to -place shall continue to be specified in these detached journals of - -Yours always, -J. MELFORD -ARGYLSHIRE, Sept. 3. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -About a fortnight is now elapsed, since we left the capital of -Scotland, directing our course towards Stirling, where we lay. The -castle of this place is such another as that of Edinburgh, and -affords a surprising prospect of the windings of the river Forth, -which are so extraordinary, that the distance from hence to Alloa -by land, is but forty miles, and by water it is twenty-four. -Alloa is a neat thriving town, that depends in a great measure on -the commerce of Glasgow, the merchants of which send hither -tobacco and other articles, to be deposited in warehouses for -exportation from the Frith of Forth. In our way hither we visited -a flourishing iron-work, where, instead of burning wood, they use -coal, which they have the art of clearing in such a manner as -frees it from the sulphur, that would otherwise render the metal -too brittle for working. Excellent coal is found in almost every -part of Scotland. - -The soil of this district produces scarce any other grain but -oats, lid barley; perhaps because it is poorly cultivated, and -almost altogether uninclosed. The few inclosures they have -consist of paultry walls of loose stones gathered from the -fields, which indeed they cover, as if they had been scattered on -purpose. When I expressed my surprize that the peasants did not -disencumber their grounds of these stones; a gentleman, well -acquainted with the theory as well as practice of farming, -assured me that the stones, far from being prejudicial, were -serviceable to the crop. This philosopher had ordered a field of -his own to be cleared, manured and sown with barley, and the -produce was more scanty than before. He caused the stones to be -replaced, and next year the crop was as good as ever. The stones -were removed a second time, and the harvest failed; they were -again brought back, and the ground retrieved its fertility. The -same experiment has been tried in different parts of Scotland -with the same success--Astonished at this information, I desired -to know in what manner he accounted for this strange phenomenon; -and he said there were three ways in which the stones might be -serviceable. They might possibly restrain an excess in the -perspiration of the earth, analogous to colliquative sweats, by -which the human body is sometimes wasted and consumed. They might -act as so many fences to protect the tender blade from the -piercing winds of the spring; or, by multiplying the reflexion of -the sun, they might increase the warmth, so as to mitigate the -natural chilness of the soil and climate -- But, surely this -excessive perspiration might be more effectually checked by -different kinds of manure, such as ashes, lime, chalk, or marl, -of which last it seems there are many pits in this kingdom: as -for the warmth, it would be much more equally obtained by -inclosures; the cultivation would require less labour; and the -ploughs, harrows, and horses, would not suffer half the damage -which they now sustain. - -These north-western parts are by no means fertile in corn. The -ground is naturally barren and moorish. The peasants are poorly -lodged, meagre in their looks, mean in their apparel, and -remarkably dirty. This last reproach they might easily wash off, -by means of those lakes, rivers, and rivulets of pure water, with -which they are so liberally supplied by nature. Agriculture -cannot be expected to flourish where the farms are small, the -leases short, and the husbandman begins upon a rack rent, without -a sufficient stock to answer the purposes of improvement. The -granaries of Scotland are the banks of the Tweed, the counties of -East and Mid-Lothian, the Carse of Gowrie, in Perthshire, equal -in fertility to any part of England, and some tracts in -Aberdeenshire and Murray, where I am told the harvest is more -early than in Northumberland, although they lie above two degrees -farther north. I have a strong curiosity to visit many places -beyond the Forth and the Tay, such as Perth, Dundee, Montrose, -and Aberdeen, which are towns equally elegant and thriving; but -the season is too far advanced to admit of this addition to my -original plan. - -I am so far happy as to have seen Glasgow, which, to the best of -my recollection and judgment, is one of the prettiest towns in -Europe; and, without all doubt, it is one of the most flourishing -in Great Britain. In short, it is a perfect bee-hive in point of -industry. It stands partly on a gentle declivity; but the -greatest part of it is in a plain, watered by the river Clyde. -The streets are straight, open, airy, and well paved; and the -houses lofty and well built of hewn stone. At the upper end of -the town, there is a venerable cathedral, that may be compared -with York-minster or West-minster; and, about the middle of the -descent from this to the Cross, is the college, a respectable -pile of building, with all manner of accommodation for the -professors and students, including an elegant library, and a -observatory well provided with astronomical instruments. The -number of inhabitants is said to amount to thirty thousand; and -marks of opulence and independency appear in every quarter of -this commercial city, which, however, is not without its -inconveniences and defects. The water of their public pumps is -generally hard and brackish, an imperfection the loss excusable, -as the river Clyde runs by their doors, in the lower part of the -town; and there are rivulets and springs above the cathedral, -sufficient to fill a large reservoir with excellent water, which -might be thence distributed to all the different parts of the -city. It is of more consequence to consult the health of the -inhabitants in this article than to employ so much attention in -beautifying their town with new streets, squares, and churches. -Another defect, not so easily remedied, is the shallowness of the -river, which will not float vessels of any burthen within ten or -twelve miles of the city; so that the merchants are obliged to -load and unload their ships at Greenock and Port-Glasgow, -situated about fourteen miles nearer the mouth of the Frith, -where it is about two miles broad. - -The people of Glasgow have a noble spirit of enterprise -- Mr -Moore, a surgeon, to whom I was recommended from Edinburgh, -introduced me to all the principal merchants of the place. Here I -became acquainted with Mr Cochran, who may be stiled one of the -sages of this kingdom. He was first magistrate at the time of the -last rebellion. I sat as member when he was examined in the house -of commons, upon which occasion Mr P-- observed he had never -heard such a sensible evidence given at that bar. I was also -introduced to Dr John Gordon, a patriot of a truly Roman spirit, -who is the father of the linen manufacture in this place, and was -the great promoter of the city workhouse, infirmary, and other -works of public utility. Had he lived in ancient Rome, he would -have been honoured with a statue at the public expence. I -moreover conversed with one Mr G--ssf--d, whom I take to be one -of the greatest merchants in Europe. In the last war, he is said -to have had at one time five and twenty ships with their cargoes, -his own property, and to have traded for above half a million -sterling a-year. The last war was a fortunate period for the -commerce of Glasgow -- The merchants, considering that their ships -bound for America, launching out at once into the Atlantic by the -north of Ireland, pursued a track very little frequented by -privateers, resolved to insure one another, and saved a very -considerable sum by this resolution, as few or none of their -ships were taken -- You must know I have a sort of national -attachment to this part of Scotland -- The great church dedicated -to St Mongah, the river Clyde, and other particulars that smack -of our Welch language and customs, contribute to flatter me with -the notion, that these people are the descendants of the Britons, -who once possessed this country. Without all question, this was a -Cumbrian kingdom: its capital was Dumbarton (a corruption of -Dunbritton) which still exists as a royal borough, at the influx -of the Clyde and Leven, ten miles below Glasgow. The same -neighbourhood gave birth to St Patrick, the apostle of Ireland, -at a place where there is still a church and village, which -retain his name. Hard by are some vestiges of the famous Roman -wall, built in the reign of Antonine, from the Clyde to the -Forth, and fortified with castles, to restrain the incursions of -the Scots or Caledonians, who inhabited the West-Highlands. In a -line parallel to this wall, the merchants of Glasgow have -determined to make a navigable canal betwixt the two Firths which -will be of incredible advantage to their commerce, in -transporting merchandize from one side of the island to the -other. - -From Glasgow we travelled along the Clyde, which is a delightful -stream, adorned on both sides with villas, towns, and villages. -Here is no want of groves, and meadows, and corn-fields -interspersed; but on this side of Glasgow, there is little other -grain than oats and barley; the first are much better, the last -much worse, than those of the same species in England. I wonder, -there is so little rye, which is a grain that will thrive in -almost any soil; and it is still more surprising, that the -cultivation of potatoes should be so much neglected in the -Highlands, where the poor people have not meal enough to supply -them with bread through the winter. On the other side of the -river are the towns of Paisley and Renfrew. The first, from an -inconsiderable village, is become one of the most flourishing -places of the kingdom, enriched by the linen, cambrick, flowered -lawn, and silk manufactures. It was formerly noted for a rich -monastery of the monks of Clugny, who wrote the famous Scoti-Chronicon, -called The Black Book of Paisley. The old abbey still -remains, converted into a dwelling-house, belonging to the earl -of Dundonald. Renfrew is a pretty town, on the banks of Clyde, -capital of the shire, which was heretofore the patrimony of the -Stuart family, and gave the title of baron to the king's eldest -son, which is still assumed by the prince of Wales. - -The Clyde we left a little on our left-hand at Dunbritton, where -it widens into an aestuary or frith, being augmented by the -influx of the Leven. On this spot stands the castle formerly -called Alcluyd, washed, by these two rivers on all sides, except -a narrow isthmus, which at every spring-tide is overflowed. The -whole is a great curiosity, from the quality and form of the -rock, as well as from the nature of its situation -- We now crossed -the water of Leven, which, though nothing near so considerable as -the Clyde, is much more transparent, pastoral, and delightful. -This charming stream is the outlet of Lough-Lomond, and through a -tract of four miles pursues its winding course, murmuring over a -bed of pebbles, till it joins the Frith at Dunbritton. A very -little above its source, on the lake, stands the house of -Cameron, belonging to Mr Smollett, so embosomed in an oak wood, -that we did not see it till we were within fifty yards of the -door. I have seen the Lago di Garda, Albano, De Vico, Bolsena, -and Geneva, and, upon my honour, I prefer Lough-Lomond to them -all, a preference which is certainly owing to the verdant islands -that seem to float upon its surface, affording the most -inchanting objects of repose to the excursive view. Nor are the -banks destitute of beauties, which even partake of the sublime. -On this side they display a sweet variety of woodland, cornfield, -and pasture, with several agreeable villas emerging as it were -out of the lake, till, at some distance, the prospect terminates -in huge mountains covered with heath, which being in the bloom, -affords a very rich covering of purple. Every thing here is -romantic beyond imagination. This country is justly stiled the -Arcadia of Scotland; and I don't doubt but it may vie with -Arcadia in every thing but climate. -- I am sure it excels it in -verdure, wood, and water. -- What say you to a natural bason of -pure water, near thirty miles long, and in some places seven -miles broad, and in many above a hundred fathom deep, having four -and twenty habitable islands, some of them stocked with deer, and -all of them covered with wood; containing immense quantities of -delicious fish, salmon, pike, trout, perch, flounders, eels, and -powans, the last a delicate kind of fresh-water herring peculiar -to this lake; and finally communicating with the sea, by sending -off the Leven, through which all those species (except the powan) -make their exit and entrance occasionally? - -Inclosed I send you the copy of a little ode to this river, by Dr -Smollett, who was born on the banks of it, within two miles of -the place where I am now writing. -- It is at least picturesque and -accurately descriptive, if it has no other merit. -- There is an -idea of truth in an agreeable landscape taken from nature, which -pleases me more than the gayest fiction which the most luxuriant -fancy can display. - -I have other remarks to make; but as my paper is full, I must -reserve them till the next occasion. I shall only observe at -present, that I am determined to penetrate at least forty miles -into the Highlands, which now appear like a vast fantastic vision -in the clouds, inviting the approach of - -Yours always, -MATT. BRAMBLE -CAMERON, Aug. 28. - -ODE TO LEVEN-WATER - -On Leven's banks, while free to rove, -And tune the rural pipe to love; -I envied not the happiest swain -That ever trod th' Arcadian plain. - -Pure stream! in whose transparent wave -My youthful limbs I wont to lave; -No torrents stain thy limpid source; -No rocks impede thy dimpling course, -That sweetly warbles o'er its bed, -With white, round, polish'd pebbles spread; -While, lightly pois'd, the scaly brood -In myriads cleave thy crystal flood; -The springing trout in speckled pride; -The salmon, monarch of the tide; -The ruthless pike, intent on war; -The silver eel, and motled par.* - -Devolving from thy parent lake, -A charming maze thy waters make, -By bow'rs of birch, and groves of pine, -And hedges flow'r'd with eglantine. - -Still on thy banks so gayly green, -May num'rous herds and flocks be seen, -And lasses chanting o'er the pail, -And shepherds piping in the dale, -And ancient faith that knows no guile, -And industry imbrown'd with toil, -And hearts resolv'd, and hands prepar'd, -The blessings they enjoy to guard. - -* The par is a small fish, not unlike the smelt, which it rivals -in delicacy and flavour. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -If I was disposed to be critical, I should say this house of -Cameron is too near the lake, which approaches, on one side, to -within six or seven yards of the window. It might have been -placed in a higher site, which would have afforded a more -extensive prospect and a drier atmosphere; but this imperfection -is not chargeable on the present proprietor, who purchased it -ready built, rather than be at the trouble of repairing his own -family-house of Bonhill, which stands two miles from hence on the -Leven, so surrounded with plantation, that it used to be known by -the name of the Mavis (or thrush) Nest. Above that house is a -romantic glen or clift of a mountain, covered with hanging woods -having at bottom a stream of fine water that forms a number of -cascades in its descent to join the Leven; so that the scene is -quite enchanting. A captain of a man of war, who had made the -circuit of the globe with Mr Anson, being conducted to this glen, -exclaimed, 'Juan Fernandez, by God!' - -Indeed, this country would be a perfect paradise, if it was not, -like Wales, cursed with a weeping climate, owing to the same -cause in both, the neighbourhood of high mountains, and a -westerly situation, exposed to the vapours of the Atlantic ocean. -This air, however, notwithstanding its humidity, is so healthy, -that the natives are scarce ever visited by any other disease -than the smallpox, and certain cutaneous evils, which are the -effects of dirty living, the great and general reproach of the -commonalty of this kingdom. Here are a great many living -monuments of longaevity; and among the rest a person, whom I -treat with singular respect, as a venerable druid, who has lived -near ninety years, without pain or sickness, among oaks of his -own planting. -- He was once proprietor of these lands; but being -of a projecting spirit, some of his schemes miscarried, and he -was obliged to part with his possession, which hath shifted hands -two or three times since that period; but every succeeding -proprietor hath done every thing in his power, to make his old -age easy and comfortable. He has a sufficiency to procure the -necessaries of life; and he and his old woman reside in a small -convenient farm-house, having a little garden which he cultivates -with his own hands. This ancient couple live in great health, -peace, and harmony, and, knowing no wants, enjoy the perfection -of content. Mr Smollet calls him the admiral, because he insists -upon steering his pleasure-boat upon the lake; and he spends most -of his time in ranging through the woods, which he declares he -enjoys as much as if they were still his own property -- I asked -him the other day, if he was never sick, and he answered, Yes; -he had a slight fever the year before the union. If he was not -deaf, I should take much pleasure in his conversation; for he is -very intelligent, and his memory is surprisingly retentive -- These -are the happy effects of temperance, exercise, and good nature -- -Notwithstanding all his innocence, however, he was the cause of -great perturbation to my man Clinker, whose natural superstition -has been much injured, by the histories of witches, fairies, -ghosts, and goblins, which he has heard in this country -- On the -evening after our arrival, Humphry strolled into the wood, in the -course of his meditation, and all at once the admiral stood -before him, under the shadow of a spreading oak. Though the -fellow is far from being timorous in cases that are not supposed -preternatural, he could not stand the sight of this apparition, -but ran into the kitchen, with his hair standing on end, staring -wildly, and deprived of utterance. Mrs Jenkins, seeing him in -this condition, screamed aloud, 'Lord have mercy upon us, he has -seen something!' Mrs Tabitha was alarmed, and the whole house in -confusion. When he was recruited with a dram, I desired him to -explain the meaning of all this agitation; and, with some -reluctance, he owned he had seen a spirit, in the shape of an old -man with a white beard, a black cap, and a plaid night-gown. He -was undeceived by the admiral in person, who, coming in at this -juncture, appeared to be a creature of real flesh and blood. - -Do you know how we fare in this Scottish paradise? We make free -with our landlord's mutton, which is excellent, his poultry-yard, -his garden, his dairy, and his cellar, which are all well stored. -We have delicious salmon, pike, trout, perch, par, &c. at the -door, for the taking. The Frith of Clyde, on the other side of -the hill, supplies us with mullet, red and grey, cod, mackarel, -whiting, and a variety of sea-fish, including the finest fresh -herrings I ever tasted. We have sweet, juicy beef, and tolerable -veal, with delicate bread -from the little town of Dunbritton; and plenty of partridge, -growse, heath cock, and other game in presents. - -We have been visited by all the gentlemen in the neighbourhood, -and they have entertained us at their houses, not barely with -hospitality, but with such marks of cordial affection, as one -would wish to find among near relations, after an absence of many -years. - -I told you, in my last, I had projected an excursion to the -Highlands, which project I have now happily executed, under the -auspices of Sir George Colquhoun, a colonel in the Dutch service, -who offered himself as our conductor on this occasion. Leaving -our women at Cameron, to the care and inspection of Lady H-- C--, -we set out on horseback for Inverary, the county town of Argyle, -and dined on the road with the Laird of Macfarlane, the greatest -genealogist I ever knew in any country, and perfectly acquainted -with all the antiquities of Scotland. - -The Duke of Argyle has an old castle in Inverary, where he -resides when he is in Scotland; and hard by is the shell of a -noble Gothic palace, built by the last duke, which, when -finished, will be a great ornament to this part of the Highlands. -As for Inverary, it is a place of very little importance. - -This country is amazingly wild, especially towards the mountains, -which are heaped upon the backs of one another, making a most -stupendous appearance of savage nature, with hardly any signs of -cultivation, or even of population. All is sublimity, silence, -and solitude. The people live together in glens or bottoms, where -they are sheltered from the cold and storms of winter: but there -is a margin of plain ground spread along the sea side, which is -well inhabited and improved by the arts of husbandry; and this I -take to be one of the most agreeable tracts of the whole island; -the sea not only keeps it warm, and supplies it with fish, but -affords one of the most ravishing prospects in the whole world; I -mean the appearance of the Hebrides, or Western Islands to the -number of three hundred, scattered as far as the eye can reach, -in the most agreeable confusion. As the soil and climate of the -Highlands are but ill adapted to the cultivation of corn, the -people apply themselves chiefly to the breeding and feeding of -black cattle, which turn to good account. Those animals run wild -all the winter, without any shelter or subsistence, but what they -can find among the heath. When the snow lies so deep and hard, -that they cannot penetrate to the roots of the grass, they make a -diurnal progress, guided by a sure instinct, to the seaside at -low water, where they feed on the alga marina, and other plants -that grow upon the beach. - -Perhaps this branch of husbandry, which required very little -attendance and labour, is one of the principal causes of that -idleness and want of industry, which distinguishes these -mountaineers in their own country. When they come forth into the -world, they become as diligent and alert as any people upon -earth. They are undoubtedly a very distinct species from their -fellow subjects of the Lowlands, against whom they indulge an -ancient spirit of animosity; and this difference is very -discernible even among persons of family and education. The -Lowlanders are generally cool and circumspect, the Highlanders -fiery and ferocious:' but this violence of their passions serves -only to inflame the zeal of their devotion to strangers, which is -truly enthusiastic. - -We proceeded about twenty miles beyond Inverary, to the house of -a gentleman, a friend of our conductor, where we stayed a few -days, and were feasted in such a manner, that I began to dread -the consequence to my constitution. - -Notwithstanding the solitude that prevails among these mountains, -there is no want of people in the Highlands. I am credibly -informed that the duke of Argyle can assemble five thousand men -in arms, of his own clan and surname, which is Campbell; and -there is besides a tribe of the same appellation, whose chief' is -the Earl of Breadalbine. The Macdonalds are as numerous, and -remarkably warlike: the Camerons, M'Leods, Frasers, Grants, -M'Kenzies, M'Kays, M'Phersons, M'Intoshes, are powerful clans; so -that if all the Highlanders, including the inhabitants of the -Isles, were united, they could bring into the field an army of -forty thousand fighting men, capable of undertaking the most -dangerous enterprize. We have lived to see four thousand of them, -without discipline, throw the whole kingdom of Great Britain into -confusion. They attacked and defeated two armies of regular -troops accustomed to service. They penetrated into the centre of -England; and afterwards marched back with deliberation, in the -face of two other armies, through an enemy's country, where every -precaution was taken to cut off their retreat. I know not any -other people in Europe, who, without the use or knowledge of -arms, will attack regular forces sword in hand, if their chief -will head them in battle. When disciplined, they cannot fail of -being excellent soldiers. They do not walk like the generality of -mankind, but trot and bounce like deer, as if they moved upon -springs. They greatly excel the Lowlanders in all the exercises -that require agility; they are incredibly abstemious, and patient -of hunger and fatigue, -- so steeled against the weather, that in -travelling, even when the ground is covered with snow, they never -look for a house, or any other shelter but their plaid, in which -they wrap themselves up, and go to sleep under the cope of -heaven. Such people, in quality of soldiers, must be invincible, -when the business is to perform quick marches in a difficult -country, to strike sudden strokes, beat up the enemy's quarters, -harrass their cavalry, and perform expeditions without the -formality of magazines, baggage, forage, and artillery. The -chieftainship of the Highlanders is a very dangerous influence -operating at the extremity of the island, where the eyes and -hands of government cannot be supposed to see [and] act with -precision and vigour. In order to break the force of clanship, -administration has always practised the political maxim, Divide -et impera. The legislature hath not only disarmed these -mountaineers, but also deprived them of their antient garb, which -contributed in a great measure to keep up their military spirit; -and their slavish tenures are all dissolved by act of parliament; -so that they are at present as free and independent of their -chiefs, as the law can make them: but the original attachment -still remains, and is founded on something prior to the feudal -system, about which the writers of this age have made such a -pother, as if it was a new discovery, like the Copernican system. -Every peculiarity of policy, custom, and even temperament, is -affectedly traced to this origin, as if the feudal constitution -had not been common to almost all the natives of Europe. For my -part, I expect to see the use of trunk-hose and buttered ale -ascribed to the influence of the feudal system. The connection -between the clans and their chiefs is, without all doubt, -patriarchal. It is founded on hereditary regard and affection, -cherished through a long succession of ages. The clan consider -the chief as their father, they bear his name, they believe -themselves descended from his family, and they obey him as their -lord, with all the ardour of filial love and veneration; while -he, on his part, exerts a paternal authority, commanding, -chastising, rewarding, protecting, and maintaining them as his -own children. If the legislature would entirely destroy this -connection, it must compel the Highlanders to change their -habitation and their names. Even this experiment has been -formerly tried without success -- In the reign of James VI a battle -was fought within a few short miles of this place, between two -clans, the M'Gregors and the Colquhouns, in which the latter were -defeated: the Laird of M'Gregor made such a barbarous use of his -victory, that he was forfeited and outlawed by act of parliament: -his lands were given to the family of Montrose, and his clan were -obliged to change their name. They obeyed so far, as to call -themselves severally Campbell, Graham, or Drummond, the surnames -of the families of Argyle, Montrose, and Perth, that they might -enjoy the protection of those houses; but they still added -M'Gregor to their new appellation; and as their chief was -deprived of his estate, they robbed and plundered for his -subsistence. -- Mr Cameron of Lochiel, the chief of that clan, -whose father was attainted for having been concerned in the last -rebellion, returning from France in obedience to a proclamation -and act of parliament, passed at the beginning of the late war, -payed a visit to his own country, and hired a farm in the -neighbourhood of his father's house, which had been burnt to the -ground. The clan, though ruined and scattered, no sooner heard of -his arrival than they flocked to him from all quarters, to -welcome his return, and in a few days stocked his farm with seven -hundred black cattle, which they had saved in the general wreck -of their affairs: but their beloved chief, who was a promising -youth, did not live to enjoy the fruits of their fidelity and -attachment. - -The most effectual method I know to weaken, and at length destroy -this influence, is to employ the commonalty in such a manner as -to give them a taste of property and independence. In vain the -government grants them advantageous leases on the forfeited -estates, if they have no property to prosecute the means of -improvement -- The sea is an inexhaustible fund of riches; but the -fishery cannot be carried on without vessels, casks, salt, lines, -nets, and other tackle. I conversed with a sensible man of this -country, who, from a real spirit of patriotism had set up a -fishery on the coast, and a manufacture of coarse linen, for the -employment of the poor Highlanders. Cod is here in such plenty, -that he told me he had seen several hundred taken on one line, at -one hawl -- It must be observed, however, that the line was of -immense length, and had two thousand hooks, baited with muscles; -but the fish was so superior to the cod caught on the banks of -Newfoundland, that his correspondent at Lisbon sold them -immediately at his own price, although Lent was just over when -they arrived, and the people might be supposed quite cloyed with -this kind of diet -- His linen manufacture was likewise in a -prosperous way, when the late war intervening, all his best hands -were pressed into the service. - -It cannot be expected, that the gentlemen of this country should -execute commercial schemes to render their vassals independent; -nor, indeed, are such schemes suited to their way of life and -inclination; but a company of merchants might, with proper -management, turn to good account a fishery established in this -part of Scotland -- Our people have a strange itch to colonize -America, when the uncultivated parts of our own island might be -settled to greater advantage. - -After having rambled through the mountains and glens of Argyle, -we visited the adjacent islands of Ila, Jura, Mull, and Icomkill. -In the first, we saw the remains of a castle, built in a lake, -where Macdonald, lord or king of the isles, formerly resided. -Jura is famous for having given birth to one Mackcrain, who lived -one hundred and eighty years in one house, and died in the reign -of Charles the Second. Mull affords several bays, where there is -safe anchorage: in one of which, the Florida, a ship of the -Spanish armada, was blown up by one of Mr Smollett's ancestors -- -About forty years ago, John duke of Argyle is said to have -consulted the Spanish registers, by which it appeared, that this -ship had the military chest on board -- He employed experienced -divers to examine the wreck; and they found the hull of the -vessel still entire, but so covered with sand, that they could -not make their way between decks; however, they picked up several -pieces of plate, that were scattered about in the bay, and a -couple of fine brass cannon. - -Icolmkill, or Iona, is a small island which St Columba chose for -his habitation -- It was respected for its sanctity, and college or -seminary of ecclesiastics -- Part of its church is still standing, -with the tombs of several Scottish, Irish, and Danish sovereigns, -who were here interred -- These islanders are very bold and -dexterous watermen, consequently the better adapted to the -fishery: in their manners they are less savage and impetuous than -their countrymen on the continent; and they speak the Erse or -Gaelick in its greatest purity. - -Having sent round our horses by land, we embarked in the distinct -of Cowal, for Greenock, which is a neat little town, on the other -side of the Frith, with a curious harbour formed by three stone -jetties, carried out a good way into the sea -- Newport-Glasgow is -such another place, about two miles higher up. Both have a face of -business and plenty, and are supported entirely by the shipping -of Glasgow, of which I counted sixty large vessels in these -harbours -- Taking boat again at Newport, we were in less than an -hour landed on the other side, within two short miles of our -head-quarters, where we found our women in good health and -spirits. They had been two days before joined by Mr. Smollett and -his lady, to whom we have such obligations as I cannot mention, -even to you, without blushing. - -To-morrow we shall bid adieu to the Scotch Arcadia, and begin our -progress to the southward, taking our way by Lanerk and -Nithsdale, to the west borders of England. I have received so -much advantage and satisfaction from this tour, that if my health -suffers no revolution in the winter, I believe I shall be tempted -to undertake another expedition to the Northern extremity of -Caithness, unencumbered by those impediments which now clog the -heels of, - -Yours, -MATT. BRAMBLE -CAMERON, Sept. 6. - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAREST LETTY, - -Never did poor prisoner long for deliverance, more than I have -longed for an opportunity to disburthen my cares into your -friendly bosom; and the occasion which now presents itself, is -little less than miraculous -- Honest Saunders Macawly, the -travelling Scotchman, who goes every year to Wales, is now at -Glasgow, buying goods, and coming to pay his respects to our -family, has undertaken to deliver this letter into your own hand -- -We have been six weeks in Scotland, and seen the principal towns -of the kingdom, where we have been treated with great civility -- -The people are very courteous; and the country being exceedingly -romantic, suits my turn and inclinations -- I contracted some -friendships at Edinburgh, which is a large and lofty city, full -of gay company; and, in particular, commenced an intimate -correspondence with one miss R--t--n, an amiable young lady of my -own age, whose charms seemed to soften, and even to subdue the -stubborn heart of my brother Jery; but he no sooner left the -place than he relapsed into his former insensibility -- I feel, -however, that this indifference is not the family constitution -- I -never admitted but one idea of love, and that has taken such root -in my heart, as to be equally proof against all the pulls of -discretion, and the frosts of neglect. - -Dear Letty! I had an alarming adventure at the hunters ball in -Edinburgh -- While I sat discoursing with a friend in a corner, all -at once the very image of Wilson stood before me, dressed exactly -as he was in the character of Aimwell! It was one Mr Gordon, whom -I had not seen before -- Shocked at the sudden apparition, I -fainted away, and threw the whole assembly in confusion -- However, -the cause of my disorder remained a secret to every body but my -brother, who was likewise struck with the resemblance, and -scolded after we came home -- I am very sensible of Jery's -affection, and know he spoke as well with a view to my own -interest and happiness, as in regard to the honour of the family; -but I cannot bear to have my wounds probed severely -- I was not so -much affected by the censure he passed upon my own indiscretion, -as with the reflection he made on the conduct of Wilson. He -observed, that if he was really the gentleman he pretended to be, -and harboured nothing but honourable designs, he would have -vindicated his pretensions in the face of day -- This remark made a -deep impression upon my mind -- I endeavoured to conceal my -thoughts; and this endeavour had a bad effect upon my health and -spirits; so it was thought necessary that I should go to the -Highlands, and drink the goat-milk-whey. - -We went accordingly to Lough Lomond, one of the most enchanting -spots in the whole world; and what with this remedy, which I had -every morning fresh from the mountains, and the pure air, and -chearful company, I have recovered my flesh and appetite; though -there is something still at bottom, which it is not in the power -of air, exercise, company, or medicine to remove -- These incidents -would not touch me so nearly, if I had a sensible confidant to -sympathize with my affliction, and comfort me with wholesome -advice -- I have nothing of this kind, except Win Jenkins, who is -really a good body in the main, but very ill qualified for such -an office -- The poor creature is weak in her nerves, as well as in -her understanding; otherwise I might have known the true name and -character of that unfortunate youth -- But why do I call him -unfortunate? perhaps the epithet is more applicable to me for -having listened to the false professions of -- But, hold! I have as -yet no right, and sure I have no inclination to believe any thing -to the prejudice of his honour -- In that reflection I shall still -exert my patience. As for Mrs Jenkins, she herself is really an -object of compassion -- Between vanity, methodism, and love, her -head is almost turned. I should have more regard for her, -however, if she had been more constant in the object of her -affection; but, truly, she aimed at conquest, and flirted at the -same time with my uncle's footman, Humphrey Clinker, who is -really a deserving young man, and one Dutton, my brother's valet -de chambre, a debauched fellow; who, leaving Win in the lurch, -ran away with another man's bride at Berwick. - -My dear Willis, I am truly ashamed of my own sex -- We complain of -advantages which the men take of our youth, inexperience, -insensibility, and all that; but I have seen enough to believe, -that our sex in general make it their business to ensnare the -other; and for this purpose, employ arts which are by no means to -be justified -- In point of constancy, they certainly have nothing -to reproach the male part of the creation -- My poor aunt, without -any regard to her years and imperfections, has gone to market -with her charms in every place where she thought she had the -least chance to dispose of her person, which, however, hangs -still heavy on her hands -- I am afraid she has used even religion -as a decoy, though it has not answered her expectation -- She has -been praying, preaching, and catechising among the methodists, -with whom this country abounds; and pretends to have such -manifestations and revelations, as even Clinker himself can -hardly believe, though the poor fellow is half crazy with -enthusiasm. As for Jenkins, she affects to take all her -mistress's reveries for gospel. She has also her heart-heavings -and motions of the spirit; and God forgive me if I think -uncharitably, but all this seems to me to be downright hypocrisy -and deceit -- Perhaps, indeed, the poor girl imposes on herself -- -She is generally in a flutter, and is much subject to vapours -- -Since we came to Scotland, she has seen apparitions, and pretends -to prophesy -- If I could put faith in all these supernatural -visitations, I should think myself abandoned of grace; for I have -neither seen, heard, nor felt anything of this nature, although I -endeavour to discharge the duties of religion with all the -sincerity, zeal, and devotion, that is in the power of, - -Dear Letty, -your ever affectionate, -LYDIA MELFORD -GLASGOW, Sept. 7. - -We are so far on our return to Brambleton-hall; and I would fain -hope we shall take Gloucester in our way, in which case I shall -have the inexpressible pleasure of embracing my dear Willis -- Pray -remember me to my worthy governess. - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MARY, - -Sunders Macully, the Scotchman, who pushes directly for Vails, -has promised to give it you into your own hand, and therefore I -would not miss the opportunity to let you know as I am still in -the land of the living: and yet I have been on the brink of the -other world since I sent you my last letter. -- We went by sea to -another kingdom called Fife, and coming back, had like to have -gone to pot in a storm. -- What between the frite and sickness, I -thought I should have brought my heart up; even Mr Clinker was -not his own man for eight and forty hours after we got ashore. It -was well for some folks that we scaped drownding; for mistress -was very frexious, and seemed but indifferently prepared for a -change; but, thank God, she was soon put in a better frame by the -private exaltations of the reverend Mr Macrocodile. -- We -afterwards churned to Starling and Grascow, which are a kiple of -handsome towns; and then we went to a gentleman's house at Loff-Loming, -which is a wonderful sea of fresh water, with a power of -hylands in the midst on't. -- They say as how it has n'er a bottom, -and was made by a musician and, truly, I believe it; for it is -not in the coarse of nature. -- It has got waves without wind, fish -without fins, and a floating hyland; and one of them is a crutch-yard, -where the dead are buried; and always before the person -dies, a bell rings of itself to give warning. - -O Mary! this is the land of congyration -- The bell knolled when we -were there -- I saw lights, and heard lamentations. -- The gentleman, -our landlord, has got another house, which he was fain to quit, -on account of a mischievous ghost, that would not suffer people -to lie in their beds. The fairies dwell in a hole of Kairmann, a -mounting hard by; and they steal away the good women that are in -the straw, if so be as how there a'n't a horshoe nailed to the -door: and I was shewn an ould vitch, called Elspath Ringavey, -with a red petticoat, bleared eyes, and a mould of grey bristles -on her sin. -- That she mought do me no harm, I crossed her hand -with a taster, and bid her tell my fortune; and she told me such -things descriving Mr Clinker to a hair -- but it shall ne'er be -said, that I minchioned a word of the matter. -- As I was troubled -with fits, she advised me to bathe in the loff, which was holy -water; and so I went in the morning to a private place along with -the house-maid, and we bathed in our birth-day soot, after the -fashion of the country; and behold whilst we dabbled in the loff, -sir George Coon started up with a gun; but we clapt our hands to -our faces, and passed by him to the place where we had left our -smocks -- A civil gentleman would have turned his head another -way. -- My comfit is, he new not which was which; and, as the -saying is, all cats in the dark are grey -- Whilst we stayed at -Loff-Loming, he and our two squires went three or four days -churning among the wild men of the mountings; a parcel of -selvidges that lie in caves among -the rocks, devour young children, speak Velch, but the vords are -different. Our ladies would not part with Mr Clinker, because he -is so stout and so pyehouse, that he fears neither man nor -devils, if so be as they don't take him by surprise. -- Indeed, he -was once so flurried by an operition, that he had like to have -sounded. -- He made believe as if it had been the ould edmiral; but -the old edmiral could not have made his air to stand on end,, and -his teeth to shatter; but he said so in prudence, that the ladies -mought not be afear'd. Miss Liddy has been puny, and like to go -into a decline -- I doubt her pore art is too tinder -- but the -got's-fey has set her on her legs again. -- You nows got's-fey is -mother's milk to a Velch woman. As for mistress, blessed be God, -she ails nothing. -- Her stomick is good, and she improves in -grease and godliness; but, for all that, she may have infections -like other people, and I believe, she wouldn't be sorry to be -called your ladyship, whenever sir George thinks proper to ax the -question -- But, for my part, whatever I may see or hear, not a -praticle shall ever pass the lips of, - -Dear Molly, -Your loving friend, -WIN. JENKINS -GRASCO, Sept. 7. - -Remember me, as usual, to Sall. -- We are now coming home, though -not the nearest road. -- I do suppose, I shall find the kitten a -fine boar at my return. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -Once more I tread upon English ground, which I like not the worse -for the six weeks' ramble I have made among the woods and -mountains of Caledonia; no offence to the land of cakes, where -bannocks grow upon straw. I never saw my uncle in such health and -spirits as he now enjoys. Liddy is perfectly recovered; and Mrs -Tabitha has no reason to complain. Nevertheless, I believe, she -was, till yesterday, inclined to give the whole Scotch nation to -the devil, as a pack of insensible brutes, upon whom her -accomplishments had been displayed in vain. -- At every place where -we halted, did she mount the stage, and flourished her rusty -arms, without being able to make one conquest. One of her last -essays was against the heart of Sir George Colquhoun, with whom -she fought all the weapons more than twice over. -- She was grave -and gay by turns -- she moralized and methodized -- she laughed, and -romped, and danced, and sung, and sighed, and ogled, and lisped, -and fluttered, and flattered -- but all was preaching to the desart. -The baronet, being a well-bred man, carried his civilities as far -as she could in conscience expect, and, if evil tongues are to be -believed, some degrees farther; but he was too much a veteran in -gallantry, as well as in war, to fall into any ambuscade that she -could lay for his affection -- While we were absent in the -Highlands, she practised also upon the laird of Ladrishmore, and -even gave him the rendezvous in the wood of Drumscailloch; but -the laird had such a reverend care of his own reputation, that he -came attended with the parson of the parish, and nothing passed -but spiritual communication. After all these miscarriages, our -aunt suddenly recollected lieutenant Lismahago, whom, ever since -our first arrival at Edinburgh, she seemed to have utterly -forgot; but now she expressed her hopes of seeing him at -Dumfries, according to his promise. - -We set out from Glasgow by the way of Lanerk, the county-town of -Clydesdale, in the neighbourhood of which, the whole river Clyde, -rushing down a steep rock, forms a very noble and stupendous -cascade. Next day we were obliged to halt in a small borough, -until the carriage, which had received some damage, should be -repaired; and here we met with an incident which warmly -interested the benevolent spirit of Mr Bramble -- As we stood at -the window of an inn that fronted the public prison, a person -arrived on horseback, genteelly, tho' plainly, dressed in a blue -frock, with his own hair cut short, and a gold-laced hat upon his -head. -- Alighting, and giving his horse to the landlord, he -advanced to an old man who was at work in paving the street, and -accosted him in these words: 'This is hard work for such an old -man as you.' -- So saying, he took the instrument out of his hand, -and began to thump the pavement. -- After a few strokes, 'Have you -never a son (said he) to ease you of this labour?' 'Yes, an -please Your honour (replied the senior), I have three hopeful -lads, but, at -present, they are out of the way.' 'Honour not me (cried the -stranger); but more becomes me to honour your grey hairs. Where -are those sons you talk of?' The ancient paviour said, his eldest -son was a captain in the East Indies; and the youngest had lately -inlisted as a soldier, in hopes of prospering like his brother. -The gentleman desiring to know what was become of the second, he -wiped his eyes, and owned, he had taken upon him his old father's -debts, for which he was now in the prison hard by. - -The traveller made three quick steps towards the jail, then -turning short, 'Tell me (said he), has that unnatural captain -sent you nothing to relieve your distress?' 'Call him not -unnatural (replied the other); God's blessing be upon him! he -sent me a great deal of money; but I made a bad use of it; I lost -it by being security for a gentleman that was my landlord, and -was stript of all I had in the world besides.' At that instant a -young man, thrusting out his head and neck between two iron bars -in the prison-window, exclaimed, 'Father! father! if my brother -William is in life, that's he!' 'I am! -- I am! -- (cried the -stranger, clasping the old man in his arms, and shedding a flood -of tears) -- I am your son Willy, sure enough!' Before the father, -who was quite confounded, could make any return to this -tenderness, a decent old woman bolting out from the door of a -poor habitation, cried, 'Where is my bairn? where is my dear -Willy?' -- The captain no sooner beheld her, than he quitted his -father, and ran into her embrace. - -I can assure you, my uncle, who saw and heard every thing that -passed, was as much moved as any one of the parties concerned in -this pathetic recognition -- He sobbed, and wept, and clapped his -hands, and hollowed, and finally ran down into the street. By -this time, the captain had retired with his parents, and all the -inhabitants of the place were assembled at the door. -- Mr Bramble, -nevertheless, pressed thro' the crowd, and entering the house, -'Captain (said he), I beg the favour of your acquaintance. I would -have travelled a hundred miles to see this affecting scene; and I -shall think myself happy if you and your parents will dine with -me at the public house.' The captain thanked him for his kind -invitation, which, he said, he would accept with pleasure; but in -the mean time, he could not think of eating or drinking, while -his poor brother was in trouble. He forthwith deposited a sum -equal to the debt in the hands of the magistrate, who ventured to -set his brother at liberty without farther process; and then the -whole family repaired to the inn with my uncle, attended by the -crowd, the individuals of which shook their townsman by the hand, -while he returned their caresses without the least sign of pride -or affectation. - -This honest favourite of fortune, whose name was Brown, told my -uncle, that he had been bred a weaver, and, about eighteen years -ago, had, from a spirit of idleness and dissipation, enlisted as -a soldier in the service of the East-India company; that, in the -course of duty, he had the good fortune to attract the notice and -approbation of Lord Clive, who preferred him from one step to -another, till he attained the rank of captain and pay-master to -the regiment, in which capacities he had honestly amassed above -twelve thousand pounds, and, at the peace, resigned his -commission. -- He had sent several remittances to his father, who -received the first only, consisting of one hundred pounds; the -second had fallen into the hands of a bankrupt; and the third had -been consigned to a gentleman of Scotland, who died before it -arrived; so that it still remained to be accounted for by his -executors. He now presented the old man with fifty pounds for his -present occasions, over and above bank notes for one hundred, -which he had deposited for his brother's release. -- He brought -along with him a deed ready executed, by which he settled a -perpetuity of four-score pounds upon his parents, to be inherited -by their other two sons after their decease. -- He promised to -purchase a commission for his youngest brother; to take the other -as his own partner in a manufacture which he intended to set up, -to give employment and bread to the industrious; and to give five -hundred pounds, by way of dower, to his sister, who had married a -farmer in low circumstances. Finally, he gave fifty pounds to the -poor of the town where he was born, and feasted all the -inhabitants without exception. - -My uncle was so charmed with the character of captain Brown, that -he drank his health three times successively at dinner -- He said, -he was proud of his acquaintance; that he was an honour to his -country, and had in some measure redeemed human nature from the -reproach of pride, selfishness, and ingratitude. -- For my part, I -was as much pleased with the modesty as with the filial virtue of -this honest soldier, who assumed no merit from his success, and -said very little of his own transactions, though the answers he -made to our inquiries were equally sensible and laconic, Mrs -Tabitha behaved very graciously to him until she understood that -he was going to make a tender of his hand to a person of low -estate, who had been his sweet-heart while he worked as a -journeyman weaver. -- Our aunt was no sooner made acquainted with -this design, than she starched up her behaviour with a double -proportion of reserve; and when the company broke up, she -observed with a toss of her nose, that Brown was a civil fellow -enough, considering the lowness of his original; but that -Fortune, though she had mended his circumstances, was incapable -to raise his ideas, which were still humble and plebeian. - -On the day that succeeded this adventure, we went some miles out -of our road to see Drumlanrig, a seat belonging to the duke of -Queensberry, which appears like a magnificent palace erected by -magic, in the midst of a wilderness. -- It is indeed a princely -mansion, with suitable parks and plantations, rendered still more -striking by the nakedness of the surrounding country, which is -one of the wildest tracts in all Scotland. -- This wildness, -however, is different from that of the Highlands; for here the -mountains, instead of heath, are covered with a fine green -swarth, affording pasture to innumerable flocks of sheep. But the -fleeces of this country, called Nithsdale, are not comparable to -the wool of Galloway, which is said to equal that of Salisbury -plain. Having passed the night at the castle of Drumlanrig, by -invitation from the duke himself, who is one of the best men that -ever breathed, we prosecuted our journey to Dumfries, a very -elegant trading town near the borders of England, where we found -plenty of good provision and excellent wine, at very reasonable -prices, and the accommodation as good in all respects as in any -part of South-Britain. If I was confined to Scotland for life, I -would chuse Dumfries as the place of my residence. Here we made -enquiries about captain Lismahago, of whom hearing no tidings, we -proceeded by the Solway Frith, to Carlisle. You must know, that -the Solway sands, upon which travellers pass at low water, are -exceedingly dangerous, because, as the tide makes, they become -quick in different places, and the flood rushes in so -impetuously, that the passengers are often overtaken by the sea -and perish. - -In crossing these treacherous Syrtes with a guide, we perceived a -drowned horse, which Humphry Clinker, after due inspection, -declared to be the very identical beast which Mr Lismahago rode -when he parted with us at Feltonbridge in Northumberland. This -information, which seemed to intimate that our friend the -lieutenant had shared the fate of his horse, affected us all, and -above all our aunt Tabitha, who shed salt tears, and obliged -Clinker to pull a few hairs out of the dead horse's tail, to be -worn in a ring as a remembrance of his master: but her grief and -ours was not of long duration; for one of the first persons we -saw in Carlisle, was the lieutenant in propria persona, -bargaining with a horse-dealer for another steed, in the yard of -the inn where we alighted. -- Mrs Bramble was the first that -perceived him, and screamed as if she had seen a ghost; and, -truly, at a proper time and place, he might very well have passed -for an inhabitant of another world; for he was more meagre and -grim than before. -- We received him the more cordially for having -supposed he had been drowned; and he was not deficient in -expressions of satisfaction at this meeting. He told us, he had -enquired for us at Dumfries, and been informed by a travelling -merchant from Glasgow, that we had resolved to return by the way -of Coldstream. He said, that in passing the sands without a -guide, his horse had knocked up, and he himself must have -perished, if he had not been providentially relieved by a return -post-chaise. -- He moreover gave us to understand, that his scheme -of settling in his own country having miscarried, he was so far -on his way to London, with a view to embark for North-America, -where he intended to pass the rest of his days among his old -friends the Miamis, and amuse himself in finishing the education -of the son he had by his beloved Squinkinacoosta. - -This project was by no means agreeable to our good aunt, who -expatiated upon the fatigues and dangers that would attend such a -long voyage by sea, and afterwards such a tedious journey by -land -- She enlarged particularly on the risque he would run, with -respect to the concerns of his precious soul, among savages who -had not yet received the glad tidings of salvation; and she -hinted that his abandoning Great-Britain might, perhaps, prove -fatal to the inclinations of some deserving person, whom he was -qualified to make happy for life. My uncle, who is really a Don -Quixote in generosity, understanding that Lismahago's real reason -for leaving Scotland was the impossibility of subsisting in it -with any decency upon the wretched provision of a subaltern's -half-pay, began to be warmly interested on the side of -compassion. -- He thought it very hard, that a gentleman who had -served his country with honour, should be driven by necessity to -spend his old age, among the refuse of mankind, in such a remote -part of the world. -- He discoursed with me upon the subject; -observing, that he would willingly offer the lieutenant an asylum -at Brambleton-hall, if he did not foresee that his singularities -and humour of contradiction would render him an intolerable -housemate, though his conversation at some times might be both -instructive and entertaining: but, as there seemed to be -something particular in his attention to Mrs Tabitha, he and I -agreed in opinion, that this intercourse should be encouraged and -improved, if possible, into a matrimonial union; in which case -there would be a comfortable provision for both; and they might -be settled in a house of their own, so that Mr Bramble should -have no more of their company than he desired. - -In pursuance of this design, Lismahago has been invited to pass -the winter at Brambleton-hall, as it will be time enough to -execute his American project in the spring. -- He has taken time to -consider of this proposal; mean while, he will keep us company as -far as we travel in the road to Bristol, where he has hopes of -getting a passage for America. I make no doubt but that he will -postpone his voyage, and prosecute his addresses to a happy -consummation; and sure, if it produces any fruit, it must be of a -very peculiar flavour. As the weather continues favourable, I -believe, we shall take the Peak of Derbyshire and Buxton Wells in -our way. -- At any rate, from the first place where we make any -stay, you shall hear again from - -Yours always, -J. MELFORD -CARLISLE, Sep. 12. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -The peasantry of Scotland are certainly on a poor footing all -over the kingdom; and yet they look better, and are better -cloathed than those of the same rank in Burgundy, and many other -places of France and Italy; nay, I will venture to say they are -better fed, notwithstanding the boasted wine of these foreign -countries. The country people of North-Britain live chiefly on -oat-meal, and milk, cheese, butter, and some garden-stuff, with -now and then a pickled-herring, by way of delicacy; but flesh-meat -they seldom or never taste; nor any kind of strong liquor, -except two-penny, at times of uncommon festivity -- Their breakfast -is a kind of hasty pudding, of oat-meal or pease-meal, eaten with -milk. They have commonly pottage for dinner, composed of cale or -cole, leeks, barley or big, and butter; and this is reinforced -with bread and cheese, made of skimmed-milk -- At night they sup on -sowens or flummery of oat-meal -- In a scarcity of oats, they use -the meal of barley and pease, which is both nourishing and -palatable. Some of them have potatoes; and you find parsnips in -every peasant's garden -- They are cloathed with a coarse kind of -russet of their own making, which is both decent and warm -- They -dwell in poor huts, built of loose stones and turf, without any -mortar, having a fireplace or hearth in the middle, generally -made of an old mill-stone, and a hole at top to let out the -smoke. - -These people, however, are content, and wonderfully sagacious -- -All of them read the Bible, and are even qualified to dispute -upon the articles of their faith; which in those parts I have -seen, is entirely Presbyterian. I am told, that the inhabitants -of Aberdeenshire are still more acute. I once knew a Scotch -gentleman at London, who had declared war against this part of -his countrymen; and swore that the impudence and knavery of the -Scots, in that quarter, had brought a reproach upon the whole -nation. - -The river Clyde, above Glasgow, is quite pastoral; and the banks -of it are every where adorned with fine villas. From the sea to -its source, we may reckon the seats of many families of the first -rank, such as the duke of Argyle at Roseneath, the earl of Bute -in the isle of that name, the earl of Glencairn at Finlayston, -lord Blantyre at Areskine, the dutchess of Douglas at Bothwell, -duke Hamilton at Hamilton, the duke of Douglas at Douglas, and -the earl of Hyndford at Carmichael. Hamilton is a noble palace, -magnificently furnished; and hard by is the village of that name, -one of the neatest little towns I have seen in any country. The -old castle of Douglas being burned to the ground by accident, the -late duke resolved, as head of the first family of Scotland, to -have the largest house in the kingdom, and ordered a plan for -this purpose; but there was only one wing of it finished when he -died. It is to be hoped that his nephew, who is now in possession -of his great fortune, will complete the design of his -predecessor -- Clydesdale is in general populous and rich, -containing a great number of gentlemen, who are independent in -their fortune; but it produces more cattle than corn -- This is -also the case with Tweedale, through part of which we passed, and -Nithsdale, which is generally rough, wild, and mountainous -- These -hills are covered with sheep; and this is the small delicious -mutton, so much preferable to that of the London-market. As their -feeding costs so little, the sheep are not killed till five years -old, when their flesh, juices, and flavour are in perfection; but -their fleeces are much damaged by the tar, with which they are -smeared to preserve them from the rot in winter, during which -they run wild night and day, and thousands are lost under huge -wreaths of snow -- 'Tis pity the farmers cannot contrive some means -to shelter this useful animal from the inclemencies of a rigorous -climate, especially from the perpetual rains, which are more -prejudicial than the greatest extremity of cold weather. - -On the little river Nid, is situated the castle of Drumlanrig, -one of the noblest seats in Great-Britain, belonging to the duke -of Queensberry; one of those few noblemen whose goodness of heart -does honour to human-nature -- I shall not pretend to enter into a -description of this palace, which is really an instance of the -sublime in magnificence, as well as in situation, and puts one in -mind of the beautiful city of Palmyra, rising like a vision in -the midst of the wilderness. His grace keeps open house, and -lives with great splendour -- He did us the honour to receive us -with great courtesy, and detain'd us all night, together with -above twenty other guests, with all their servants and horses to -a very considerable number -- The dutchess was equally gracious, -and took our ladies under her immediate protection. The longer I -live, I see more reason to believe that prejudices of education -are never wholly eradicated, even when they are discovered to be -erroneous and absurd. Such habits of thinking as interest the -grand passions, cleave to the human heart in such a manner, that -though an effort of reason may force them from their hold for a -moment, this violence no sooner ceases, than they resume their -grasp with an increased elasticity and adhesion. - -I am led into this reflection, by what passed at the duke's table -after supper. The conversation turned upon the vulgar notions of -spirits and omens, that prevail among the commonalty of North-Britain, -and all the company agreed, that nothing could be more -ridiculous. One gentleman, however, told a remarkable story of -himself, by way of speculation 'Being on a party of hunting in -the North (said he), I resolved to visit an old friend, whom I -had not seen for twenty years -- So long he had been retired and -sequestered from all his acquaintance, and lived in a moping -melancholy way, much afflicted with lowness of spirits, -occasioned by the death of his wife, whom he had loved with -uncommon affection. As he resided in a remote part of the -country, and we were five gentlemen with as many servants, we -carried some provision with us from the next market town, lest we -should find him unprepared for our reception. The roads being -bad, we did not arrive at the house till two o'clock in the -afternoon; and were agreeably surprised to find a very good -dinner ready in the kitchen, and the cloth laid with six covers. -My friend himself appeared in his best apparel at the gate, and -received us with open arms, telling me he had been expecting us -these two hours. Astonished at this declaration, I asked who had -given him intelligence of our coming? and he smiled without -making any other reply. However, presuming upon our former -intimacy, I afterwards insisted upon knowing; and he told me, -very gravely, he had seen me in a vision of the second sight -- -Nay, he called in the evidence of his steward, who solemnly -declared, that his master had the day before apprised him of my -coming, with four other strangers, and ordered him to provide -accordingly; in consequence of which intimation, he had prepared -the dinner which we were now eating; and laid the covers -according to the number foretold.' The incident we all owned to -be remarkable, and I endeavoured to account for it by natural -means. I observed, that as the gentleman was of a visionary turn, -the casual idea, or remembrance of his old friend, might suggest -those circumstances, which accident had for once realized; but -that in all probability he had seen many visions of the same -kind, which were never verified. None of the company directly -dissented from my opinion; but from the objections that were -hinted, I could plainly perceive that the majority were persuaded -there was something more extraordinary in the case. - -Another gentleman of the company, addressing himself to me, -'Without all doubt (said he), a diseased imagination is very apt -to produce visions; but we must find some other method to account -for something of this kind, that happened within these eight days -in my neighbourhood -- A gentleman of a good family, who cannot be -deemed a visionary in any sense of the word, was near his own -gate, in the twilight, visited by his grandfather, who has been -dead these fifteen years -- The spectre was mounted seemingly on -the very horse he used to ride, with an angry and terrible -countenance, and said something, which his grandson, in the -confusion of fear, could not understand. But this was not all -- He -lifted up a huge horse whip, and applied it with great violence -to his back and shoulders, on which I saw the impression with my -own eyes. The apparition was afterwards seen by the sexton of the -parish, hovering about the tomb where his body lies interred; as -the man declared to several persons in the village, before he -knew what had happened to the gentleman -- Nay, he actually came to -me as a justice of the peace, in order to make oath of these -particulars, which, however, I declined administering. As for the -grandson of the defunct, he is a sober, sensible, worldly minded -fellow, too intent upon schemes of interest to give in to -reveries. He would have willingly concealed the affair; but he -bawled out in the first transport of his fear, and, running into -the house, exposed his back and his sconce to the whole family; -so that there was no denying it in the sequel. It is now the -common discourse of the country, that this appearance and -behaviour of the old man's spirit, portends some great calamity -to the family, and the good-woman has actually taken to her bed -in this apprehension.' - -Though I did not pretend to explain this mystery, I said, I did -not at all doubt, but it would one day appear to be a deception; -and, in all probability, a scheme executed by some enemy of the -person who had sustained the assault; but still the gentleman -insisted upon the clearness of the evidence, and the concurrence -of testimony, by which two creditable witnesses, without any -communication one with another, affirmed the appearance of the -same man, with whose person they were both well acquainted -- From -Drumlanrig we pursued the course of the Nid to Dumfries, which -stands seven miles above the place where the river falls into the -sea; and is, after Glasgow, the handsomest town I have seen in -Scotland. The inhabitants, indeed, seem to have proposed that city -as their model; not only in beautifying their town and regulating -its police, but, also in prosecuting their schemes of commerce -and manufacture, by which they are grown rich and opulent. - -We re-entered England, by the way of Carlisle, where we -accidentally met with our friend Lismahago, whom we had in vain -inquired after at Dumfries and other places -- It would seem that -the captain, like the prophets of old, is but little honoured in -his own country, which he has now renounced for ever -- He gave me -the following particulars of his visit to his native soil -- In his -way to the place of his nativity, he learned that his nephew had -married the daughter of a burgeois, who directed a weaving -manufacture, and had gone into partnership with his father-in-law: -chagrined with this information, he had arrived at the gate -in the twilight, where he heard the sound of treddles in the -great hall, which had exasperated him to such a degree, that he -had like to have lost his senses: while he was thus transported -with indignation, his nephew chanced to come forth, when, being -no longer master of his passion, he cried, 'Degenerate rascal! -you have made my father's house a den of thieves;' and at the -same time chastised him with his horse-whip; then, riding round -the adjoining village, he had visited the burying-ground of his -ancestors by moon-light; and, having paid his respects to their -manes, travelled all night to another part of the country -- -Finding the head of the family in such a disgraceful situation, -all his own friends dead or removed from the places of their -former residence, and the expence of living increased to double -of what it had been, when he first left his native country, he -had bid it an eternal adieu, and was determined to seek for -repose among the forests of America. - -I was no longer at a loss to account for the apparition, which -had been described at Drumlanrig; and when I repeated the story -to the lieutenant, he was much pleased to think his resentment -had been so much more effectual than he intended; and he owned, -he might at such an hour, and in such an equipage, very well pass -for the ghost of his father, whom he was said greatly to -resemble -- Between friends, I fancy Lismahago will find a retreat -without going so far as the wigwams of the Miamis. My sister -Tabby is making continual advances to him, in the way of -affection; and, if I may trust to appearances, the captain is -disposed to take opportunity by the forelock. For my part, I -intend to encourage this correspondence, and shall be glad to see -them united -- In that case, we shall find a way to settle them -comfortably in our own neighbourhood. I, and my servants, will -get rid of a very troublesome and tyrannic gouvernante; and I -shall have the benefit of Lismahago's conversation, without being -obliged to take more of his company than I desire; for though an -olla is a high-flavoured dish, I could not bear to dine upon it -every day of my life. - -I am much pleased with Manchester, which is one of the most -agreeable and flourishing towns in Great-Britain; and I perceive -that this is the place which hath animated the spirit, and -suggested the chief manufactures of Glasgow. We propose to visit -Chatsworth, the Peak, and Buxton, from which last place we shall -proceed directly homewards, though by easy journies. If the -season has been as favourable in Wales as in the North, your -harvest is happily finished; and we have nothing left to think of -but our October, of which let Barns be properly reminded. You -will find me much better in flesh than I was at our parting; and -this short separation has given a new edge to those sentiments of -friendship with which I always have been, and ever shall be, - -Yours, -MATT. BRAMBLE -MANCHESTER, Sept. 15. - - - -To Mrs GWILLIM, house-keeper at Brambleton-hall. - -MRS GWYLLIM, - -It has pleased Providence to bring us safe back to England, and -partake us in many pearls by land and water, in particular the -Devil's Harse a pike, and Hoyden's Hole, which hath got no -bottom; and, as we are drawing huomwards, it may be proper to -uprise you, that Brambleton-hall may be in condition to receive -us, after this long gurney to the islands of Scotland. By the -first of next month you may begin to make constant fires in my -brother's chamber and mine; and burn a fagget every day in the -yellow damask room: have the tester and curtains dusted, and the -featherbed and matrosses well haired, because, perhaps, with the -blissing of haven, they may be yoosed on some occasion. Let the -ould hogsheads be well skewred and seasoned for bear, as Mat is -resolved to have his seller choak fool. - -If the house was mine, I would turn over a new leaf -- I don't see -why the sarvants of Wales shouldn't drink fair water, and eat hot -cakes and barley cale, as they do in Scotland, without troubling -the botcher above once a quarter -- I hope you keep accunt of -Roger's purseeding in reverence to the buttermilk. I expect my -dew when I come huom, without baiting an ass, I'll assure you. -- -As you must have layed a great many more eggs than would be -eaten, I do suppose there is a power of turks, chickings, and -guzzling about the house; and a brave kergo of cheese ready for -market; and that the owl has been sent to Crickhowel, saving what -the maids spun in the family. - -Pray let the whole house and furniture have a thorough cleaning -from top to bottom, for the honour of Wales; and let Roger search -into, and make a general clearance of the slit holes, which the -maids have in secret; for I know they are much given to sloth and -uncleanness. I hope you have worked a reformation among them, as -I exhorted you in my last, and set their hearts upon better -things than they can find in junkitting and caterwauling with the -fellows of the country. - -As for Win Jenkins, she has undergone a perfect metamurphysis, -and is become a new creeter from the ammunition of Humphry -Clinker, our new footman, a pious young man, who has laboured -exceedingly, that she may bring forth fruits of repentance. I -make no doubt but he will take the same pains with that pert -hussey Mary Jones, and all of you; and that he may have power -given to penetrate and instill his goodness, even into your most -inward parts, is the fervent prayer of - -Your friend in the spirit, -TAB. BRAMBLE -Septr. 18. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -Lismahago is more paradoxical than ever. -- The late gulp he had of -his native air, seems to have blown fresh spirit into all his -polemical faculties. I congratulated him the other day on the -present flourishing state of his country, observing that the -Scots were now in a fair way to wipe off the national reproach of -poverty, and expressing my satisfaction at the happy effects of -the union, so conspicuous in the improvement of their -agriculture, commerce, manufactures, and manners -- The lieutenant, -screwing up his features into a look of dissent and disgust, -commented on my remarks to this effect -- 'Those who reproach a -nation for its poverty, when it is not owing to the profligacy or -vice of the people, deserve no answer. The Lacedaemonians were -poorer than the Scots, when they took the lead among all the free -states of Greece, and were esteemed above them all for their -valour and their virtue. The most respectable heroes of ancient -Rome, such as Fabricius, Cincinnatus, and Regulus, were poorer -than the poorest freeholder in Scotland; and there are at this -day individuals in North-Britain, one of whom can produce more -gold and silver than the whole republic of Rome could raise at -those times when her public virtue shone with unrivalled lustre; -and poverty was so far from being a reproach, that it added fresh -laurels to her fame, because it indicated a noble contempt of -wealth, which was proof against all the arts of corruption -- If -poverty be a subject for reproach, it follows that wealth is the -object of esteem and veneration -- In that case, there are Jews and -others in Amsterdam and London, enriched by usury, peculation, -and different species of fraud and extortion, who are more -estimable than the most virtuous and illustrious members of the -community. An absurdity which no man in his senses will offer to -maintain. -- Riches are certainly no proof of merit: nay they are -often (if not most commonly) acquired by persons of sordid minds -and mean talents: nor do they give any intrinsic worth to the -possessor; but, on the contrary, tend to pervert his -understanding, and render his morals more depraved. But, granting -that poverty were really matter of reproach, it cannot be justly -imputed to Scotland. No country is poor that can supply its -inhabitants with the necessaries of life, and even afford -articles for exportation. Scotland is rich in natural advantages: -it produces every species of provision in abundance, vast herds -of cattle and flocks of sheep, with a great number of horses; -prodigious quantities of wool and flax, with plenty of copse -wood, and in some parts large forests of timber. The earth is -still more rich below than above the surface. It yields -inexhaustible stores of coal, free-stone, marble, lead, iron, -copper, and silver, with some gold. The sea abounds with -excellent fish, and salt to cure them for exportation; and there -are creeks and harbours round the whole kingdom, for the -convenience and security of navigation. The face of the country -displays a surprising number of cities, towns, villas, and -villages, swarming with people; and there seems to be no want of -art, industry, government, and police: such a kingdom can never -be called poor, in any sense of the word, though there may be -many others more powerful and opulent. But the proper use of -those advantages, and the present prosperity of the Scots, you -seem to derive from the union of the two kingdoms!' - -I said, I supposed he would not deny that the appearance of the -country was much mended; that the people lived better, had more -trade, and a greater quantity of money circulating since the -union, than before. 'I may safely admit these premises (answered -the lieutenant), without subscribing to your inference. The -difference you mention, I should take to be the natural progress -of improvement -- Since that period, other nations, such as the -Swedes, the Danes, and in particular the French, have greatly -increased in commerce, without any such cause assigned. Before -the union, there was a remarkable spirit of trade among the -Scots, as appeared in the case of their Darien company, in which -they had embarked no less than four hundred thousand pounds -sterling; and in the flourishing state of the maritime towns in -Fife, and on the eastern coast, enriched by their trade with -France, which failed in consequence of the union. The only solid -commercial advantage reaped from that measure, was the privilege -of trading to the English plantations; yet, excepting Glasgow and -Dumfries, I don't know any other Scotch towns concerned in that -traffick. In other respects, I conceive the Scots were losers by -the union. -- They lost the independency of their state, the -greatest prop of national spirit; they lost their parliament, and -their courts of justice were subjected to the revision and -supremacy of an English tribunal.' - -'Softly, captain (cried I), you cannot be said to have lost your -own parliament, while you are represented in that of Great-Britain.' -'True (said he, with a sarcastic grin), in debates of -national competition, the sixteen peers and forty-five commoners -of Scotland, must make a formidable figure in the scale, against -the whole English legislature.' 'Be that as it may (I observed) -while I had the honour to sit in the lower house, the Scotch -members had always the majority on their side.' 'I understand -you, Sir (said he), they generally side with the majority; so much -the worse for their constituents. But even this evil is not the -worst they have sustained by the union. Their trade has been saddled -with grievous impositions, and every article of living severely -taxed, to pay the interest of enormous debts, contracted by the -English, in support of measures and connections in which the -Scots had no interest nor concern.' I begged he would at least -allow, that by the union the Scots were admitted to all the -privileges and immunities of English subjects; by which means -multitudes of them were provided for in the army and navy, and -got fortunes in different parts of England, and its dominions. -'All these (said he) become English subjects to all intents and -purposes, and are in a great measure lost to their mother-country. -The spirit of rambling and adventure has been always -peculiar to the natives of Scotland. If they had not met with -encouragement in England, they would have served and settled, as -formerly, in other countries, such as Muscovy, Sweden, Denmark, -Poland, Germany, France, Piedmont, and Italy, in all which -nations their descendants continue to flourish even at this day.' - -By this time my patience began to fail and I exclaimed, 'For -God's sake, what has England got by this union which, you say, -has been so productive of misfortune to the Scots.' ' Great and -manifold are the advantages which England derives from the union -(said Lismahago, in a solemn tone). First and foremost, the -settlement of the protestant succession, a point which the -English ministry drove with such eagerness, that no stone was -left unturned, to cajole and bribe a few leading men, to cram the -union down the throats of the Scottish nation, who were -surprisingly averse to the expedient. They gained by it a -considerable addition of territory, extending their dominion to -the sea on all sides of the island, thereby shutting up all back-doors -against the enterprizes of their enemies. They got an -accession of above a million of useful subjects, constituting a -never-failing nursery of seamen, soldiers, labourers, and -mechanics; a most valuable acquisition to a trading country, -exposed to foreign wars, and obliged to maintain a number of -settlements in all the four quarters of the globe. In the course -of seven years, during the last war, Scotland furnished the -English army and navy with seventy thousand men, over and above -those who migrated to their colonies, or mingled with them at -home in the civil departments of life. This was a very -considerable and seasonable supply to a nation, whose people had -been for many years decreasing in number, and whose lands and -manufactures were actually suffering for want of hands. I need -not remind you of the hackneyed maxim, that, to a nation in such -circumstances, a supply of industrious people is a supply of -wealth; nor repeat an observation, which is now received as an -eternal truth, even among the English themselves, that the Scots -who settle in South-Britain are remarkably sober, orderly, and -industrious.' - -I allowed the truth of this remark, adding, that by their -industry, oeconomy, and circumspection, many of them in England, -as well as in her colonies, amassed large fortunes, with which -they returned to their own country, and this was so much lost to -South-Britain. -- 'Give me leave, sir (said he), to assure you, -that in your fact you are mistaken, and in your deduction -erroneous. Not one in two hundred that leave Scotland ever -returns to settle in his own country; and the few that do return, -carry thither nothing that can possibly diminish the stock of -South-Britain; for none of their treasure stagnates in Scotland -- -There is a continual circulation, like that of the blood in the -human body, and England is the heart, to which all the streams -which it distributes are refunded and returned: nay, in -consequence of that luxury which our connexion with England hath -greatly encouraged, if not introduced, all the produce of our -lands, and all the profits of our trade, are engrossed by the -natives of South-Britain; for you will find that the exchange -between the two kingdoms is always against -Scotland; and that she retains neither gold nor silver sufficient -for her own circulation. -- The Scots, not content with their own -manufactures and produce, which would very well answer all -necessary occasions, seem to vie with each other in purchasing -superfluities from England; such as broad-cloth, velvets, stuffs, -silks, lace, furs, jewels, furniture of all sorts, sugar, rum, -tea, chocolate and coffee; in a word, not only every mode of the -most extravagant luxury, but even many articles of convenience, -which they might find as good, and much cheaper in their own -country. For all these particulars, I conceive, England may touch -about one million sterling a-year. -- I don't pretend to make an -exact calculation; perhaps, it may be something less, and -perhaps, a great deal more. The annual revenue arising from all -the private estates of Scotland cannot fall short of a million -sterling; and, I should imagine, their trade will amount to as -much more. -- I know the linen manufacture alone returns near half -a million, exclusive of the home-consumption of that article. -- -If, therefore, North-Britain pays a ballance of a million -annually to England, I insist upon it, that country is more -valuable to her in the way of commerce, than any colony in her -possession, over and above the other advantages which I have -specified: therefore, they are no friends, either to England or -to truth, who affect to depreciate the northern part of the -united kingdom.' - -I must own, I was at first a little nettled to find myself -schooled in so many particulars. -- Though I did not receive all -his assertions as gospel, I was not prepared to refute them; and -I cannot help now acquiescing in his remarks so far as to -think, that the contempt for Scotland, which prevails too much on -this side the Tweed, is founded on prejudice and error. -- After -some recollection, 'Well, captain (said I), you have argued -stoutly for the importance of your own country: for my part, I -have such a regard for our fellow-subjects of North-Britain, that -I shall be glad to see the day, when your peasants can afford to -give all their oats to their cattle, hogs, and poultry, and -indulge themselves with good wheaten loaves, instead of such -poor, unpalatable, and inflammatory diet.' Here again I brought -my self into a premunire with the disputative Caledonian. He said -he hoped he should never see the common people lifted out of that -sphere for which they were intended by nature and the course of -things; that they might have some reason to complain of their -bread, if it were mixed, like that of Norway, with saw dust and -fish-bones; but that oatmeal was, he apprehended, as nourishing -and salutary as wheat-flour, and the Scots in general thought it -at least as savoury. -- He affirmed, that a mouse, which, in the -article of self-preservation, might be supposed to act from -infallible instinct, would always prefer oats to wheat, as -appeared from experience; for, in a place where there was a -parcel of each, that animal has never begun to feed upon the -latter till all the oats were consumed: for their nutritive -quality, he appealed to the hale, robust constitutions of the -people who lived chiefly upon oatmeal; and, instead of being -inflammatory, he asserted, that it was a cooling sub-acid, -balsamic and mucilaginous; insomuch, that in all inflammatory -distempers, recourse was had to water-gruel, and flummery made of -oatmeal. - -'At least (said I), give me leave to wish them such a degree of -commerce as may enable them to follow their own inclinations.' -- -'Heaven forbid! (cried this philosopher). Woe be to that nation, -where the multitude is at liberty to follow their own -inclinations! Commerce is undoubtedly a blessing, while -restrained within its proper channels; but a glut of wealth -brings along with it a glut of evils: it brings false taste, -false appetite, false wants, profusion, venality, contempt of -order, engendering a spirit of licentiousness, insolence, and -faction, that keeps the community in continual ferment, and in -time destroys all the distinctions of civil society; so that -universal anarchy and uproar must ensue. Will any sensible man -affirm, that the national advantages of opulence are to be sought -on these terms?' 'No, sure; but I am one of those who think, -that, by proper regulations, commerce may produce every national -benefit, without the allay of such concomitant evils.' - -So much for the dogmata of my friend Lismahago, whom I describe -the more circumstantially, as I firmly believe he will set up his -rest in Monmouthshire. Yesterday, while I was alone with him he -asked, in some confusion, if I should have any objection to the -success of a gentleman and a soldier, provided he should be so -fortunate as to engage my sister's affection. I answered without -hesitation, that my sister was old enough to judge for -herself; and that I should be very far from disapproving any -resolution she might take in his favour. -- His eyes sparkled at -this declaration. He declared, he should think himself the -happiest man on earth to be connected with my family; and that he -should never be weary of giving me proofs of his gratitude and -attachment. I suppose Tabby and he are already agreed; in which -case, we shall have a wedding at Brambleton-hall, and you shall -give away the bride. -- It is the least thing you can do, by way -of atonement for your former cruelty to that poor love-sick -maiden, who has been so long a thorn in the side of - - -Yours, -MATT. BRAMBLE -Sept. 20. - -We have been at Buxton; but, as I did not much relish either the -company or the accommodations, and had no occasion for the water, -we stayed but two nights in the place. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -Adventures begin to thicken as we advance to the southward. -Lismahago has now professed himself the admirer of our aunt, and -carries on his addresses under the sanction of her brother's -approbation; so that we shall certainly have a wedding by -Christmas. I should be glad you was present at the nuptials, to -help me throw the stocking, and perform other ceremonies peculiar -to that occasion. -- I am sure it will be productive of some -diversion; and, truly, it would be worth your while to come -across the country on purpose to see two such original figures in -bed together, with their laced night caps; he, the emblem of good -cheer, and she, the picture of good nature. All this agreeable -prospect was clouded, and had well nigh vanished entirely, in -consequence of a late misunderstanding between the future -brothers-in-law, which, however, is now happily removed. - -A few days ago, my uncle and I, going to visit a relation, met -with lord Oxmington at his house, who asked us to dine with him, -next day, and we accepted the invitation. -- Accordingly, leaving -our women under the care of captain Lismahago, at the inn where -we had lodged the preceding night, in a little town, about a mile -from his lordship's dwelling, we went at the hour appointed, and -had a fashionable meal served up with much ostentation to a -company of about a dozen persons, none of whom he had ever seen -before. -- His lordship is much more remarkable for his pride and -caprice, than for his hospitality and understanding; and, indeed, -it appeared, that he considered his guests merely as objects to -shine upon, so as to reflect the lustre of his own magnificence -- -There was much state, but no courtesy; and a great deal of -compliment without any conversation. -- Before the desert was -removed, our noble entertainer proposed three general toasts; -then calling for a glass of wine, and bowing all round, wished us -a good afternoon. This was the signal for the company to break -up, and they obeyed it immediately, all except our 'squire who -was greatly shocked at the manner of this dismission -- He changed -countenance, bit his lip in silence, but still kept his seat, so -that his lordship found himself obliged to give us another hint, -by saying, he should be glad to see us another time. 'There is no -time like the present (cried Mr Bramble); your lordship has not -yet drank a bumper to the best in Christendom.' 'I'll drink no -more bumpers to-day (answered our landlord); and I am sorry to -see you have drank too many. -- Order the gentleman's carriage to -the gate.' -- So saying, he rose and retired abruptly; our 'squire -starting up at the same time, laying his hand upon his sword, and -eyeing him with a most ferocious aspect. The master having -vanished in this manner, our uncle bad one of the servants to see -what was to pay; and the fellow answering, 'This is no inn,' 'I -cry you mercy (cried the other), I perceive it is not; if it -were, the landlord would be more civil. There's a guinea, -however; take it, and tell your lord, that I shall riot leave the -country till I have had the opportunity to thank him in person -for his politeness and hospitality.' - -We then walked down stairs through a double range of lacqueys, -and getting into the chaise, proceeded homewards. Perceiving the -'squire much ruffled, I ventured to disapprove of his resentment, -observing, that as lord Oxmington was well known to have his -brain very ill timbered, a sensible man should rather laugh, than -be angry at his ridiculous want of breeding. -- Mr Bramble took -umbrage at my presuming to be wiser than he upon this occasion; -and told me, that as he had always thought for himself in every -occurrence in life, he would still use the same privilege, with -my good leave. - -When we returned to our inn, he closeted Lismahago; and having -explained his grievance, desired that gentleman to go and demand -satisfaction of lord Oxmington in his name. -- The lieutenant -charged himself with this commission, and immediately set out a -horseback for his lordship's house, attended, at his own request, -by my man Archy Macalpine, who had been used to military service; -and truly, if Macalpine had been mounted upon an ass, this couple -might have passed for the knight of La Mancha and his 'squire -Panza. It was not till after some demur that Lismahago obtained a -private audience, at which he formally defied his lordship to -single combat, in the name of Mr Bramble, and desired him to -appoint the time and place. Lord Oxmington was so confounded at -this unexpected message, that he could not, for some time, make -any articulate reply; but stood staring at the lieutenant with -manifest marks of perturbation. At length, ringing a bell with -great vehemence, he exclaimed, 'What! a commoner send a challenge -to a peer of the realm! -- Privilege! privilege! -- Here's a person -brings me a challenge from the Welshman that dined at my table -- -An impudent fellow. -- My wine is not yet out of his head.' - -The whole house was immediately in commotion. -- Macalpine made a -soldierly retreat with two horses; but the captain was suddenly -surrounded and disarmed by the footmen, whom a French valet de -chambre headed in this exploit; his sword was passed through a -close-stool, and his person through the horse-pond. In this -plight he returned to the inn, half mad with his disgrace. So -violent was the rage of his indignation, that he mistook its -object. -- He wanted to quarrel with Mr Bramble; he said, he had -been dishonoured on his account, and he looked for reparation at -his hands. -- My uncle's back was up in a moment; and he desired -him to explain his pretensions. -- 'Either compel lord Oxmington to -give me satisfaction (cried he), or give it me in your own -person.' 'The latter part of the alternative is the most easy and -expeditious (replied the 'squire, starting up): if you are -disposed for a walk, I'll attend you this moment.' - -Here they were interrupted by Mrs Tabby, who had overheard all -that passed. -- She now burst into the room, and running betwixt -them, in great agitation, 'Is this your regard for me (said she -to the lieutenant), to seek the life of my brother?' Lismahago, -who seemed to grow cool as my uncle grew hot, assured her he had -a very great respect for Mr Bramble, but he had still more for -his own honour, which had suffered pollution; but if that could -be once purified, he should have no further cause of -dissatisfaction. The 'squire said, he should have thought it -incumbent upon him to vindicate the lieutenant's honour; but, as -he had now carved for himself, he might swallow and digest it as -well as he could -- In a word, what betwixt the mediation of Mrs -Tabitha, the recollection of the captain, who perceived he had -gone too far, and the remonstrances of your humble servant, who -joined them at this juncture, those two originals were perfectly -reconciled; and then we proceeded to deliberate upon the means of -taking vengeance for the insults they had received from the -petulant peer; for, until that aim should be accomplished, Mr -Bramble swore, with great emphasis, that he would not leave the -inn where we now lodged, even if he should pass his Christmas on -the spot. - -In consequence of our deliberations, we next day, in the -forenoon, proceeded in a body to his lordship's house, all of us, -with our servants, including the coachman, mounted a-horseback, -with our pistols loaded and ready primed. -- Thus prepared for -action, we paraded solemnly and slowly before his lordship's -gate, which we passed three times in such a manner, that he could -not but see us, and suspect the cause of our appearance. -- After -dinner we returned, and performed the same cavalcade, which was -again repeated the morning following; but we had no occasion to -persist in these manoeuvres. About noon, we were visited by the -gentleman, at whose house we had first seen lord Oxmington. -- He -now came to make apologies in the name of his lordship, who -declared he had no intention to give offence to my uncle, in -practising what had been always the custom of his house; and that -as for the indignities which had been put upon the officer, they -were offered without his Lordship's knowledge, at the instigation -of his valet de chambre. -- 'If that be the case (said my uncle, in -a peremptory tone), I shall be contented with lord Oxmington's -personal excuses; and I hope my friend will be satisfied with his -lordship's turning that insolent rascal out of his service.' -- -'Sir (cried Lismahago), I must insist upon taking personal -vengeance for the personal injuries I have sustained.' - -After some debate, the affair was adjusted in this manner. -- His -lordship, meeting us at our friend's house, declared he was sorry -for what had happened; and that he had no intention to give -umbrage. -- The valet de chambre asked pardon of the lieutenant -upon his knees, when Lismahago, to the astonishment of all -present, gave him a violent kick on the face, which laid him on -his back, exclaiming in a furious tone, 'Oui je te pardonne, gens -foutre.' - -Such was the fortunate issue of this perilous adventure, which -threatened abundance of vexation to our family; for the 'squire -is one of those who will sacrifice both life and fortune, rather -than leave what they conceive to be the least speck or blemish -upon their honour and reputation. His lordship had no sooner -pronounced his apology, with a very bad grace, than he went away -in some disorder, and, I dare say, he will never invite another -Welchman to his table. - -We forthwith quitted the field of this atchievement, in order to -prosecute our journey; but we follow no determinate course. We -make small deviations, to see the remarkable towns, villas, and -curiosities on each side of our route; so that we advance by slow -steps towards the borders of Monmouthshire: but in the midst of -these irregular motions, there is no abberration nor eccentricity -in that affection with which I am, dear Wat, - - -Yours always, -J. MELFORD -Sept. 28. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -At what time of life may a man think himself exempted from the -necessity of sacrificing his repose to the punctilios of a -contemptible world? I have been engaged in a ridiculous -adventure, which I shall recount at meeting; and this, I hope, -will not be much longer delayed, as we have now performed almost -all our visits, and seen every thing that I think has any right -to retard us in our journey homewards -- A few days ago, -understanding by accident, that my old friend Baynard was in the -country, I would not pass so near his habitation without paying -him a visit, though our correspondence had been interrupted for a -long course of years. - -I felt my self very sensibly affected by the idea of our past -intimacy, as we approached the place where we had spent so many -happy days together; but when we arrived at the house, I could -not recognize any one of those objects, which had been so deeply -impressed upon my remembrance -- The tall oaks that shaded the -avenue, had been cut down, and the iron gates at the end of it -removed, together with the high wall that surrounded the court -yard. The house itself, which was formerly a convent of -Cistercian monks, had a venerable appearance: and along the front -that looked into the garden, was a stone gallery, which afforded -me many an agreeable walk, when I was disposed to be -contemplative. Now the old front is covered with a screen of -modern architecture; so that all without is Grecian, and all -within Gothic. As for the garden, which was well stocked with the -best fruit which England could produce, there is not now the -least vestage remaining of trees, walls, or hedges -- Nothing -appears but a naked circus of loose sand, with a dry bason and a -leaden triton in the middle. - -You must know, that Baynard, at his father's death, had a clear -estate of fifteen hundred pounds a-year, and was in other -respects extremely well qualified to make a respectable figure in -the commonwealth; but, what with some excesses of youth, and the -expence of a contested election, he in a few years found himself -encumbered with a debt of ten thousand pounds, which he resolved -to discharge by means of a prudent marriage. He accordingly -married a miss Thomson, whose fortune amounted to double the sum -that he owed -- She was the daughter of a citizen, who had failed -in trade; but her fortune came by an uncle, who died in the East-Indies --- Her own parents being dead, she lived with a maiden aunt, -who had superintended her education; and, in all appearance, was -well enough qualified for the usual purposes of the married -state -- Her virtues, however, stood rather upon a negative, than a -positive foundation -- She was neither proud, insolent, nor -capricious, nor given to scandal, nor addicted to gaming, nor -inclined to gallantry. She could read, and write, and dance, and -sing, and play upon the harpsichord, and smatter French, and take -a hand at whist and ombre; but even these accomplishments she -possessed by halves -- She excelled in nothing. Her conversation -was flat, her stile mean, and her expression embarrassed -- In a -word, her character was totally insipid. Her person was not -disagreeable; but there was nothing graceful in her address, nor -engaging in her manners; and she was so ill qualified to do the -honours of the house, that when she sat at the head of the table, -one was always looking for the mistress of the family in some -other place. - -Baynard had flattered himself, that it would be no difficult -matter to mould such a subject after his own fashion, and that -she would chearfully enter into his views, which were wholly -turned to domestic happiness. He proposed to reside always in the -country, of which he was fond to a degree of enthusiasm; to -cultivate his estate, which was very improvable; to enjoy the -exercise of rural diversions; to maintain an intimacy of -correspondence with some friends that were settled in his -neighbourhood; to keep a comfortable house, without suffering his -expence to exceed the limits of his income; and to find pleasure -and employ merit for his wife in the management and avocations -of her own family -- This, however, was a visionary scheme, which -he never was able to realize. His wife was as ignorant as a new-born -babe of everything that related to the conduct of a family; -and she had no idea of a country-life. Her understanding did not -reach so far as to comprehend the first principles of discretion; -and, indeed, if her capacity had been better than it was, her -natural indolence would not have permitted her to abandon a -certain routine, to which she had been habituated. She had not -taste enough to relish any rational enjoyment; but her ruling -passion was vanity, not that species which arises from self-conceit -of superior accomplishments, but that which is of a -bastard and idiot nature, excited by shew and ostentation, which -implies not even the least consciousness of any personal merit. - -The nuptial peal of noise and nonsense being rung out in all the -usual changes, Mr Baynard thought it high time to make her -acquainted with the particulars of the plan which he had -projected -- He told her that his fortune, though sufficient to -afford all the comforts of life, was not ample enough to command -all the superfluities of pomp and pageantry, which, indeed, were -equally absurd and intolerable -- He therefore hoped she would have -no objection to their leaving London in the spring, when he would -take the opportunity to dismiss some unnecessary domestics, whom -he had hired for the occasion of their marriage -- She heard him in -silence, and after some pause, 'So (said she) I am to be buried -in the country!' He was so confounded at this reply, that he -could not speak for some minutes: at length he told her, he was -much mortified to find he had proposed anything that was -disagreeable to her ideas -- 'I am sure (added he) I meant nothing -more than to lay down a comfortable plan of living within the -bounds of our fortune, which is but moderate.' 'Sir (said she), -you are the best judge of your own affairs -- My fortune, I know, -does not exceed twenty thousand pounds -- Yet, even with that -pittance, I might have had a husband who would not have begrudged -me a house in London' -- 'Good God! my dear (cried poor Baynard, in -the utmost agitation), you don't think me so sordid -- I only -hinted what I thought -- But, I don't pretend to impose --' 'Yes, -sir (resumed the lady), it is your prerogative to command, and my -duty to obey' So saying, she burst into tears and retired to her -chamber, where she was joined by her aunt -- He endeavoured to -recollect himself, and act with vigour of mind on this occasion; -but was betrayed by the tenderness of his nature, which was the -greatest defect of his constitution. He found the aunt in tears, -and the niece in a fit, which held her the best part of eight -hours, at the expiration of which, she began to talk incoherently -about death and her dear husband, who had sat by her all this -time, and now pressed her hand to his lips, in a transport of -grief and penitence for the offence he had given -- From thence -forward, he carefully avoided mentioning the country; and they -continued to be sucked deeper and deeper into the vortex of -extravagance and dissipation, leading what is called a -fashionable life in town -- About the latter end of July, however, -Mrs Baynard, in order to exhibit a proof of conjugal obedience, -desired of her own accord, that they might pay a visit to his -country house, as there was no company left in London. He would -have excused himself from this excursion which was no part of the -oeconomical plan he had proposed; but she insisted upon making -this sacrifice to his taste and prejudices, and away they went -with such an equipage as astonished the whole country. All that -remained of the season was engrossed by receiving and returning -visits in the neighbourhood; and, in this intercourse it was -discovered that sir John Chickwell had a house-steward and one -footman in livery more than the complement of Mr Baynard's -household. This remark was made by the aunt at table, and -assented to by the husband, who observed that sir John Chickwell -might very well afford to keep more servants than were found in -the family of a man who had not half his fortune. Mrs Baynard ate -no supper that evening; but was seized with a violent fit, which -completed her triumph over the spirit of her consort. The two -supernumerary servants were added -- The family plate was sold for -old silver, and a new service procured; fashionable furniture was -provided, and the whole house turned topsy turvy. - -At their return to London in the beginning of winter, he, with a -heavy heart, communicated these particulars to me in confidence. -Before his marriage, he had introduced me to the lady as his -particular friend; and I now offered in that character, to lay -before her the necessity of reforming her oeconomy, if she had -any regard to the interest of her own family, or complaisance for -the inclinations of her husband -- But Baynard declined my offer, -on the supposition that his wife's nerves were too delicate to -bear expostulation; and that it would only serve to overwhelm her -with such distress as would make himself miserable. - -Baynard is a man of spirit, and had she proved a termagant, he -would have known how to deal with her; but, either by accident or -instinct, she fastened upon the weak side of his soul, and held -it so fast, that he has been in subjection ever since -- I -afterwards advised him to carry her abroad to France or Italy, -where he might gratify her vanity for half the expence it cost -him in England: and this advice he followed accordingly. She was -agreeably flattered with the idea of seeing and knowing foreign -parts, and foreign fashions; of being presented to sovereigns, -and living familiarly with princes. She forthwith seized the -hint which I had thrown -out on purpose, and even pressed Mr Baynard to hasten his -departure; so that in a few weeks they crossed the sea to France, -with a moderate train, still including the aunt; who was her -bosom counsellor, and abetted her in all her oppositions to her -husband's will-- Since that period, I have had little or no -opportunity to renew our former correspondence -- All that I knew -of his transactions, amounted to no more than that after an -absence of two years, they returned so little improved in -oeconomy, that they launched out into new oceans of extravagance, -which at length obliged him to mortgage his estate -- By this time -she had bore him three children, of which the last only survives, -a puny boy of twelve or thirteen, who will be ruined in his -education by the indulgence of his mother. - -As for Baynard, neither his own good sense, nor the dread of -indigence, nor the consideration of his children, has been of -force sufficient to stimulate him into the resolution of breaking -at once the shameful spell by which he seems enchanted -- With a -taste capable of the most refined enjoyment, a heart glowing with -all the warmth of friendship and humanity, and a disposition -strongly turned to the more rational pleasures of a retired and -country life, he is hurried about in a perpetual tumult, amidst a -mob of beings pleased with rattles, baubles, and gewgaws, so void -of sense and distinction, that even the most acute philosopher -would find it a very hard task to discover for what wise purpose -of providence they were created -- Friendship is not to be found; -nor can the amusements for which he sighs be enjoyed within the -rotation of absurdity, to which he is doomed for life. He has -long resigned all views of improving his fortune by management -and attention to the exercise of husbandry, in which he -delighted; and as to domestic happiness, not the least glimpse of -hope remains to amuse his imagination. Thus blasted in all his -prospects, he could not fail to be overwhelmed with melancholy -and chagrin, which have preyed upon his health and spirits in -such a manner, that he is now threatened with a consumption. - -I have given you a sketch of the man, whom the other day I went -to visit -- At the gate we found a great number of powdered -lacquies, but no civility -- After we had sat a considerable time -in the coach, we were told, that Mr Baynard had rode out, and -that his lady was dressing; but we were introduced to a parlour, -so very fine and delicate, that in all appearance it was designed -to be seen only, not inhabited. The chairs and couches were -carved, gilt, and covered with rich damask, so smooth and slick, -that they looked as if they had never been sat upon. There was no -carpet upon the floor, but the boards were rubbed and waxed in -such a manner, that we could not walk, but were obliged to slide -along them; and as for the stove, it was too bright and polished -to be polluted with sea-coal, or stained by the smoke of any -gross material fire -- When we had remained above half an hour -sacrificing to the inhospitable powers in the temple of cold -reception, my friend Baynard arrived, and understanding we were -in the house, made his appearance, so meagre, yellow, and -dejected, that I really should not have known him, had I met with -him in any other place. Running up to me, with great eagerness, he -strained me in his embrace, and his heart was so full, that for -some minutes he could not speak. Having saluted us all round, he -perceived our uncomfortable situation, and conducting us into -another apartment, which had fire in the chimney, called for -chocolate -- Then, withdrawing, he returned with a compliment from -his wife, and, in the mean time, presented his son Harry, a -shambling, blear-eyed boy, in the habit of a hussar; very rude, -forward, and impertinent. His father would have sent him to a -boarding-school, but his mamma and aunt would not hear of his -lying out of the house; so that there was a clergyman engaged as -his tutor in the family. - -As it was but just turned of twelve, and the whole house was in -commotion to prepare a formal entertainment, I foresaw it would -be late before we dined, and proposed a walk to Mr Baynard, that -we might converse together freely. In the course of this -perambulation, when I expressed some surprize that he had -returned so soon from Italy, he gave me to understand, that his -going abroad had not at all answered the purpose, for which he -left England; that although the expence of living was not so -great in Italy as at home, respect being had to the same rank of -life in both countries, it had been found necessary for him to -lift himself above his usual stile, that he might be on some -footing with the counts, marquises, and cavaliers, with whom he -kept company -- He was obliged to hire a great number of servants, -to take off a great variety of rich cloaths, and to keep a -sumptuous table for the fashionable scorocconi of the country; -who, without a consideration of this kind, would not have payed -any attention to an untitled foreigner, let his family or fortune -be ever so respectable -- Besides, Mrs Baynard was continually -surrounded by a train of expensive loungers, under the -denominations of language-masters, musicians, painters, and -ciceroni; and had actually fallen into the disease of buying -pictures and antiques upon her own judgment, which was far from -being infallible -- At length she met with an affront, which gave -her disgust to Italy, and drove her back to England with some -precipitation. By means of frequenting the dutchess of -B[edford]'s conversazione, while her grace was at Rome, Mrs -Baynard became acquainted with all the fashionable people of that -city, and was admitted to their assemblies without scruple -- Thus -favoured, she conceived too great an idea of her own importance, -and when the dutchess left Rome, resolved to have a conversazione -that should leave the Romans no room to regret her grace's -departure. She provided hands for a musical entertainment, and -sent biglietti of invitation to every person of distinction; but -not one Roman of the female sex appeared at her assembly -- She was -that night seized with a violent fit, and kept her bed three -days, at the expiration of which she declared that the air of -Italy would be the ruin of her constitution. In order to prevent -this catastrophe, she was speedily removed to Geneva, from whence -they returned to England by the way of Lyons and Paris. By the -time they arrived at Calais, she had purchased such a quantity of -silks, stuffs, and laces, that it was necessary to hire a vessel -to smuggle them over, and this vessel was taken by a custom-house -cutter; so that they lost the whole cargo, which had cost them -above eight hundred pounds. - -It now appears, that her travels had produced no effect upon her, -but that of making her more expensive and fantastic than ever: -She affected to lead the fashion, not only in point of female -dress, but in every article of taste and connoisseurship. She -made a drawing of the new facade to the house in the country; she -pulled up the trees, and pulled down the walls of the garden, so -as to let in the easterly wind, which Mr Baynard's ancestors had -been at great pains to exclude. To shew her taste in laying out -ground, she seized into her own hand a farm of two hundred acres, -about a mile from the house, which she parcelled out into walks -and shrubberies, having a great bason in the middle, into which -she poured a whole stream that turned two mills, and afforded the -best trout in the country. The bottom of the bason, however, was -so ill secured, that it would not hold the water which strained -through the earth, and made a bog of the whole plantation: in a -word, the ground which formerly payed him one hundred and fifty -pounds a year, now cost him two hundred pounds a year to keep it -in tolerable order, over and above the first expence of trees, -shrubs, flowers, turf, and gravel. There was not an inch of -garden ground left about the house, nor a tree that produced -fruit of any kind; nor did he raise a truss of hay, or a bushel -of oats for his horses, nor had he a single cow to afford milk -for his tea; far less did he ever dream of feeding his own -mutton, pigs, and poultry: every article of housekeeping, even -the most inconsiderable, was brought from the next market town, -at the distance of five miles, and thither they sent a courier -every morning to fetch hot rolls for breakfast. In short, Baynard -fairly owned that he spent double his income, and that in a few -years he should be obliged to sell his estate for the payment of -his creditors. He said that his wife had such delicate nerves, -and such imbecility of spirit, that she could neither bear -remonstrance, be it ever so gentle, nor practise any scheme of -retrenchment, even if she perceived the necessity of such a -measure. He had therefore ceased struggling against the stream, -and endeavoured to reconcile himself to ruin, by reflecting that -his child at least would inherit his mother's fortune, which was -secured to him by the contract of marriage. - -The detail which he gave me of his affairs, filled me at once -with grief and indignation. I inveighed bitterly against the -indiscretion of his wife, and reproached him with his unmanly -acquiescence under the absurd tyranny which she exerted. I -exhorted him to recollect his resolution, and make one effectual -effort to disengage himself from a thraldom, equally shameful and -pernicious. I offered him all the assistance in my power. I -undertook to regulate his affairs, and even to bring about a -reformation in his family, if he would only authorise me to -execute the plan I should form for his advantage. I was so -affected by the subject, that I could not help mingling tears -with my remonstrances, and Baynard was so penetrated with these -marks of my affection, that he lost all power of utterance. He -pressed me to his breast with great emotion, and wept in silence. -At length he exclaimed, 'Friendship is undoubtedly the most -precious balm of life! Your words, dear Bramble, have in a great -measure recalled me from an abyss of despondence, in which I have -been long overwhelmed. I will, upon honour, make you acquainted -with a distinct state of my affairs, and, as far as I am able to -go, will follow the course you prescribe. But there are certain -lengths which my nature -- The truth is, there are tender -connexions, of which a batchelor has no idea -- Shall I own my -weakness? I cannot bear the thoughts of making that woman -uneasy' -- 'And yet (cried I), she has seen you unhappy for a -series of years -- unhappy from her misconduct, without ever -shewing the least inclination to alleviate your distress' -- -'Nevertheless (said he) I am persuaded she loves me with the most -warm affection; but these are incongruities in the composition of -the human mind which I hold to be inexplicable.' - -I was shocked at his infatuation, and changed the subject, after -we had agreed to maintain a close correspondence for the future. -He then gave me to understand, that he had two neighbours, who, -like himself, were driven by their wives at full speed, in the -high road to bankruptcy and ruin. All the three husbands were of -dispositions very different from each other, and, according to -this variation, their consorts were admirably suited to the -purpose of keeping them all three in subjection. The views of the -ladies were exactly the same. They vied in grandeur, that is, in -ostentation, with the wife of Sir Charles Chickwell, who had four -times their fortune; and she again piqued herself upon making an -equal figure with a neighbouring peeress, whose revenue trebled -her own. Here then was the fable of the frog and the ox, realized -in four different instances within the same county: one large -fortune, and three moderate estates, in a fair way of being burst -by the inflation of female vanity; and in three of these -instances, three different forms of female tyranny were -exercised. Mr Baynard was subjugated by practising upon the -tenderness of his nature. Mr Milksan, being of a timorous -disposition, truckled to the insolence of a termagant. Mr -Sowerby, who was of a temper neither to be moved by fits, nor -driven by menaces, had the fortune to be fitted with a helpmate, -who assailed him with the weapons of irony and satire; sometimes -sneering in the way of compliment; sometimes throwing out -sarcastic comparisons, implying reproaches upon his want of -taste, spirit, and generosity: by which means she stimulated his -passions from one act of extravagance to another, just as the -circumstances of her vanity required. - -All these three ladies have at this time the same number of -horses, carriages, and servants in and out of livery; the same -variety of dress; the same quantity of plate and china; the like -ornaments in furniture: and in their entertainments they -endeavour to exceed one another in the variety, delicacy, and -expence of their dishes. I believe it will be found upon enquiry, -that nineteen out of twenty, who are ruined by extravagance, fall -a sacrifice to the ridiculous pride and vanity of silly women, -whose parts are held in contempt by the very men whom they -pillage and enslave. Thank heaven, Dick, that among all the -follies and weaknesses of human nature, I have not yet fallen -into that of matrimony. - -After Baynard and I had discussed all these matters at leisure, -we returned towards the house, and met Jery with our two women, -who had come forth to take the air, as the lady of the mansion -had not yet made her appearance. In short, Mrs Baynard did not -produce herself, till about a quarter of an hour before dinner -was upon the table. Then her husband brought her into the -parlour, accompanied by her aunt and son, and she received us -with a coldness of reserve sufficient to freeze the very soul of -hospitality. Though she knew I had been the intimate friend of -her husband, and had often seen me with him in London, she shewed -no marks of recognition or regard, when I addressed myself to her -in the most friendly terms of salutation. She did not even -express the common compliment of, I am glad to see you; or, I -hope you have enjoyed your health since we had the pleasure of -seeing you; or some such words of course: nor did she once open -her mouth in the way of welcome to my sister and my niece: but -sat in silence like a statue, with an aspect of insensibility. -Her aunt, the model upon which she had been formed, was indeed -the very essence of insipid formality but the boy was very pert -and impudent, and prated without ceasing. - -At dinner, the lady maintained the same ungracious indifference, -never speaking but in whispers to her aunt; and as to the repast, -it was made up of a parcel of kickshaws, contrived by a French -cook, without one substantial article adapted to the satisfaction -of an English appetite. The pottage was little better than bread -soaked in dishwashings, lukewarm. The ragouts looked as if they -had been once eaten and half digested: the fricassees were -involved in a nasty yellow poultice: and the rotis were scorched -and stinking, for the honour of the fumet. The desert consisted -of faded fruit and iced froth, a good emblem of our landlady's -character; the table-beer was sour, the water foul, and the wine -vapid; but there was a parade of plate and china, and a powdered -lacquey stood behind every chair, except those of the master and -mistress of the house, who were served by two valets dressed like -gentlemen. We dined in a large old Gothic parlour, which was -formerly the hall. It was now paved with marble, and, -notwithstanding the fire which had been kindled about an hour, -struck me with such a chill sensation, that when I entered it the -teeth chattered in my jaws -- In short, every thing was cold, -comfortless, and disgusting, except the looks of my friend -Baynard, which declared the warmth of his affection and humanity. - -After dinner we withdrew into another apartment, where the boy -began to be impertinently troublesome to my niece Liddy. He -wanted a playfellow, forsooth; and would have romped with her, -had she encouraged his advances -- He was even so impudent as to -snatch a kiss, at which she changed countenance, and seemed -uneasy; and though his father checked him for the rudeness of his -behaviour, he became so outrageous as to thrust his hand in her -bosom: an insult to which she did not tamely submit, though one -of the mildest creatures upon earth. Her eyes sparkling with -resentment, she started up, and lent him such a box in the ear, -as sent him staggering to the other side of the room. - -'Miss Melford (cried his father), you have treated him with the -utmost propriety -- I am only sorry that the impertinence of any -child of mine should have occasioned this exertion of your spirit, -which I cannot but applaud and admire.' His wife was so far -from assenting to the candour of his apology, that she rose from -the table, and, taking her son by the hand, 'Come, child (said -she), your father cannot abide you.' So saying, she retired with -this hopeful youth, and was followed by her gouvernante: but -neither the one nor the other deigned to take the least notice of -the company. - -Baynard was exceedingly disconcerted; but I perceived his -uneasiness was tinctured with resentment, and derived a good omen -from this discovery. I ordered the horses to be put to the -carriage, and, though he made some efforts to detain us all -night, I insisted upon leaving the house immediately; but, before -I went away, I took an opportunity of speaking to him again in -private. I said every thing I could recollect, to animate his -endeavours in shaking off those shameful trammels. I made no -scruple to declare, that his wife was unworthy of that tender -complaisance which he had shewn for her foibles: that she was -dead to all the genuine sentiments of conjugal affection; -insensible of her own honour and interest, and seemingly -destitute of common sense and reflection. I conjured him to -remember what he owed to his father's house, to his own -reputation, and to his family, including even this unreasonable -woman herself, who was driving on blindly to her own destruction. -I advised him to form a plan for retrenching superfluous expence, -and try to convince the aunt of the necessity for such a -reformation, that she might gradually prepare her niece for its -execution; and I exhorted him to turn that disagreeable piece of -formality out of the house, if he should find her averse to his -proposal. - -Here he interrupted me with a sigh, observing that such a step -would undoubtedly be fatal to Mrs Baynard -- 'I shall lose all -patience (cried I), to hear you talk so weakly -- Mrs Baynard's -fits will never hurt her constitution. I believe in my conscience -they are all affected: I am sure she has no feeling for your -distresses; and, when you are ruined, she will appear to have no -feeling for her own.' Finally, I took his word and honour that he -would make an effort, such as I had advised; that he would form a -plan of oeconomy, and, if he found it impracticable without my -assistance, he would come to Bath in the winter, where I promised -to give him the meeting, and contribute all in my power to the -retrieval of his affairs -- With this mutual engagement we parted; -and I shall think myself supremely happy, if, by my means, a -worthy man, whom I love and esteem, can be saved from misery, -disgrace, and despair. - -I have only one friend more to visit in this part of the country, -but he is of a complexion very different from that of Baynard. -You have heard me mention Sir Thomas Bullford, whom I knew in -Italy. He is now become a country gentleman; but, being disabled -by the gout from enjoying any amusement abroad, he entertains -himself within doors, by keeping open house for all corners, and -playing upon the oddities and humours of his company: but he -himself is generally the greatest original at his table. He is -very good-humoured, talks much, and laughs without ceasing. I am -told that all the use he makes of his understanding at present, -is to excite mirth, by exhibiting his guests in ludicrous -attitudes. I know not how far we may furnish him with -entertainment of this kind, but I am resolved to beat up his -quarters, partly with a view to laugh with the knight himself, -and partly to pay my respects to his lady, a good-natured -sensible woman, with whom he lives upon very easy terms, although -she has not had the good fortune to bring him an heir to his -estate. - -And now, dear Dick, I must tell you for your comfort, that you -are the only man upon earth to whom I would presume to send such -a longwinded epistle, which I could not find in my heart to -curtail, because the subject interested the warmest passions of -my heart; neither will I make any other apology to a -correspondent who has been so long accustomed to the impertinence -of - -MATT. BRAMBLE -Sept. 30. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -I believe there is something mischievous in my disposition, for -nothing diverts me so much as to see certain characters tormented -with false terrors. -- We last night lodged at the house of Sir -Thomas Bullford, an old friend of my uncle, a jolly fellow, of -moderate intellects, who, in spite of the gout, which hath lamed -him, is resolved to be merry to the last; and mirth he has a -particular knack in extracting from his guests, let their humour -be ever so caustic or refractory. -- Besides our company, there was -in the house a fat-headed justice of the peace, called Frogmore, -and a country practitioner in surgery, who seemed to be our -landlord's chief companion and confidant. -- We found the knight -sitting on a couch, with his crutches by his side, and his feet -supported on cushions; but he received us with a hearty welcome, -and seemed greatly rejoiced at our arrival. -- After tea, we were -entertained with a sonata on the harpsichord by lady Bullford, -who sung and played to admiration; but Sir Thomas seemed to be a -little asinine in the article of ears, though he affected to be -in raptures, and begged his wife to favour us with an arietta of -her own composing. -- This arietta, however, she no sooner began to -perform, than he and the justice fell asleep; but the moment she -ceased playing, the knight waked snorting, and exclaimed, 'O -cara! what d'ye think, gentlemen? Will you talk any more of your -Pargolesi and your Corelli?' -- At the same time, he thrust his -tongue in one cheek, and leered with one eye at the doctor and -me, who sat on his left hand. He concluded the pantomime with a -loud laugh, which he could command at all times extempore. -- -Notwithstanding his disorder, he did not do penance at supper, -nor did he ever refuse his glass when the toast went round, but -rather encouraged a quick circulation, both by precept and -example. - -I soon perceived the doctor had made himself very necessary to -the baronet. -- He was the whetstone of his wit, the butt of his -satire, and his operator in certain experiments of humour, which -were occasionally tried upon strangers. -- Justice Frogmore was an -excellent subject for this species of philosophy; sleek and -corpulent, solemn, and shallow, he had studied Burn with -uncommon application, but he studied nothing so much as the art -of living (that is, eating) well -- This fat buck had often -afforded good sport to our landlord; and he was frequently -started with tolerable success, in the course of this evening; -but the baronet's appetite for ridicule seemed to be chiefly -excited by the appearance, address, and conversation of -Lismahago, whom he attempted in all different modes of -exposition; but he put me in mind of a contest that I once saw -betwixt a young hound and an old hedge-hog -- The dog turned him -over and over, and bounced and barked, and mumbled; but as often -as he attempted to bite, he felt a prickle in his jaws, and -recoiled in manifest confusion; -- The captain, when left to -himself, will not fail to turn his ludicrous side to the company, -but if any man attempts to force him into that attitude, he -becomes stubborn as a mule, and unmanageable as an elephant -unbroke. - -Divers tolerable jokes were cracked upon the justice, who eat a -most unconscionable supper, and, among other things, a large -plate of broiled mushrooms, which he had no sooner swallowed than -the doctor observed, with great gravity, that they were of the -kind called champignons, which in some constitutions has a -poisonous effect. -- Mr Frogmore startled at this remark, asked, in -some confusion, why he had not been so kind as to give him that -notice sooner. -- He answered, that he took it for granted, by his -eating them so heartily, that he was used to the dish; but as he -seemed to be under some apprehension, he prescribed a bumper of -plague water, which the justice drank off immediately, and -retired to rest, not without marks of terror and disquiet. - -At midnight we were shewn to our different chambers, and in half -an hour, I was fast asleep in bed; but about three o'clock in the -morning I was waked with a dismal cry of Fire! and starting up, -ran to the window in my shirt. -- The night was dark and stormy; -and a number of people half-dressed ran backwards and forwards -thro' the court-yard, with links and lanthorns, seemingly in the -utmost hurry and trepidation. -- Slipping on my cloaths in a -twinkling, I ran down stairs, and, upon enquiry, found the fire -was confined to a back-stair, which led to a detached apartment -where Lismahago lay. -- By this time, the lieutenant was alarmed by -bawling at his window, which was in the second story, but he -could not find his cloaths in the dark, and his room-door was -locked on the outside. -- The servants called to him, that the -house had been robbed; that, without all doubt, the villains had -taken away his cloaths, fastened the door, and set the house on -fire, for the stair-case was in flames. -- In this dilemma the poor -lieutenant ran about the room naked like a squirrel in a cage, -popping out his bead at the window between whiles, and imploring -assistance. -- At length, the knight in person was brought out in -his chair, attended by my uncle and all the family, including our -aunt Tabitha, who screamed, and cried, and tore her hair, as if -she had been distracted -- Sir Thomas had already ordered his -people to bring a long ladder which was applied to the captain's, -window, and now he exhorted him earnestly to descend. -- There was -no need of much rhetoric to persuade Lismahago, who forthwith -made his exit by the window, roaring all the time to the people -below to hold fast the ladder. - -Notwithstanding the gravity of the occasion, it was impossible to -behold this scene without being seized with an inclination to -laugh. The rueful aspect of the lieutenant in his shirt, with a -quilted night-cap fastened under his chin, and his long lank -limbs and posteriors exposed to the wind, made a very picturesque -appearance, when illumined by the links and torches which the -servants held up to light him in his descent. -- All the company -stood round the ladder, except the knight, who sat in his chair, -exclaiming from time to time, 'Lord, have mercy upon us! -- save -the gentleman's life! -- mind your footing, dear captain! softly! -- -stand fast! -- clasp the ladder with both hands! -- there! -- well -done, my dear boy! -- O bravo! -- an old soldier for ever! -- bring a -blanket bring a warm blanket to comfort his poor carcase -- warm -the bed in the green room -- give me your hand, dear captain -- I'm -rejoiced to see thee safe and sound with all my heart.' Lismahago -was received at the foot of the ladder by his inamorata, who -snatching a blanket from one of the maids, wrapped it about his -body; two men-servants took him under the arms, and a female -conducted him to the green room, still accompanied by Mrs -Tabitha, who saw him fairly put to bed. -- During this whole -transaction he spoke not a syllable, but looked exceeding grim, -sometimes at one, sometimes at another of the spectators, who now -adjourned in a body to the parlour where we had supped, every one -surveying another with marks of astonishment and curiosity. - -The knight being seated in an easy chair, seized my uncle by the -hand, and bursting into a long and loud laugh, 'Matt (cried he), -crown me with oak, or ivy, or laurel, or parsely, or what you -will, and acknowledge this to be a coup de maitre in the way of -waggery -- ha, ha, ha! -- Such a camisciata, scagliata, beffata! O, -che roba! O, what a subject! -- O, what caricatura! -- O, for a Rosa, -a Rembrandt, a Schalken! -- Zooks, I'll give a hundred guineas to -have it painted! -- what a fine descent from the cross, or ascent -to the gallows! what lights and shadows! -- what a groupe below! -what expression above! -- what an aspect! -- did you mind the aspect? -ha, ha, ha! -- and the limbs, and the muscles every toe denoted -terror! ha, ha, ha! -- then the blanket! O, what costume! St -Andrew! St Lazarus! St Barrabas! -- ha, ha, ha!' 'After all then -(cried Mr Bramble very gravely), this was no more than a false -alarm. -- We have been frightened out of our beds, and almost out -of our senses, for the joke's sake.' 'Ay, and such a joke! (cried -our landlord) such a farce! such a denouement! such a -catastrophe!' - -'Have a little patience (replied our 'squire); we are not yet -come to the catastrophe; and pray God it may not turn out a -tragedy instead of a farce. -- The captain is one of those -saturnine subjects, who have no idea of humour. -- He never laughs -in his own person; nor can he bear that other people should laugh -at his expence. Besides, if the subject had been properly chosen, -the joke was too severe in all conscience.' ''Sdeath! (cried the -knight) I could not have bated him an ace had he been my own -father; and as for the subject, such another does not present -itself once in half a century.' Here Mrs Tabitha interposing, and -bridling up, declared, she did not see that Mr Lismahago was a -fitter subject for ridicule than the knight himself; and that she -was very much afraid, he would very soon find he had mistaken his -man. -- The baronet was a good deal disconcerted by his intimation, -saying, that he must be a Goth and a barbarian, if he did not -enter into the spirit of such a happy and humourous contrivance. -- -He begged, however, that Mr Bramble and his sister would bring -him to reason; and this request was reinforced by lady Bullford, -who did not fail to read the baronet a lecture upon his -indiscretion, which lecture he received with submission on one -side of his face, and a leer upon the other. - -We now went to bed for the second time; and before I got up, my -uncle had visited Lismahago in the green room, and used such -arguments with him, that when we met in the parlour he seemed to -be quite appeased. He received the knight's apology with good -grace, and even professed himself pleased at finding he had -contributed to the diversion of the company. -- Sir Thomas shook -him by the hand, laughing heartily; and then desired a pinch of -snuff, in token of perfect reconciliation -- The lieutenant, -putting his hand in his waistcoat pocket, pulled out, instead of -his own Scotch mull, a very fine gold snuff-box, which he no -sooner perceived than he said, 'Here is a small mistake.' 'No -mistake at all (cried the baronet): a fair exchange is no -robbery. -- Oblige me so far, captain, as to let me keep your mull -as a memorial.' 'Sir (said the lieutenant), the mull is much at -your service; but this machine I can by no means retain. -- It -looks like compounding a sort of felony in the code of honour. -Besides, I don't know but there may be another joke in this -conveyance; and I don't find myself disposed to be brought upon -the stage again. -- I won't presume to make free with your pockets, -but I beg you will put it up again with your own hand.' So -saying, with a certain austerity of aspect, he presented the -snuffbox to the knight, who received it in some confusion, and -restored the mull, which he would by no means keep except on the -terms of exchange. - -This transaction was like to give a grave cast to the -conversation, when my uncle took notice that Mr Justice Frogmore -had not made his appearance either at the night-alarm, or now at -the general rendezvous. The baronet hearing Frogmore mentioned, -'Odso! (cried he) I had forgot the justice. -- Pr'ythee, doctor, go -and bring him out of his kennel.' Then laughing till his sides -were well shaken, he said he would shew the captain, that he was -not the only person of the drama exhibited for the entertainment -of the company. As to the night-scene, it could not affect the -justice, who had been purposely lodged in the farther end of the -house, remote from the noise, and lulled with a dose of opium -into the bargain. In a few minutes, Mr Justice was led into the -parlour in his nightcap and loose morning-gown, rolling his head -from side to side, and groaning piteously all the way. -- 'Jesu! -neighbour Frogmore (exclaimed the baronet), what is the matter? -- -you look as if you was not a man for this world. -- Set him down -softly on the couch -- poor gentlemen! -- Lord have mercy upon us! -- -What makes him so pale, and yellow, and bloated?' 'Oh, Sir -Thomas! (cried the justice) I doubt 'tis all over with me -- -Those mushrooms I eat at your table have done my business -- ah! -oh! hey!' 'Now the Lord forbid! (said the other) -- what! man, have -a good heart -- How does thy stomach feel? -- hall?' - -To this interrogation he made no reply; but throwing aside his -nightgown, discovered that his waist-coat would not meet upon his -belly by five good inches at least. 'Heaven protect us all! -(cried Sir Thomas) what a melancholy spectacle! -- never did I see -a man so suddenly swelled, but when he was either just dead, or -just dying. -- Doctor, can'st thou do nothing for this poor -object?' 'I don't think the case is quite desperate (said the -surgeon), but I would advise Mr Frogmore to settle his affairs -with all expedition; the parson may come and pray by him, while I -prepare a glyster and an emetic draught.' The justice, rolling -his languid eyes, ejaculated with great fervency, 'Lord, have -mercy upon us! Christ, have mercy upon us!' -- Then he begged the -surgeon, in the name of God, to dispatch -- 'As for my worldly -affairs (said he), they are all settled but one mortgage, which -must be left to my heirs -- but my poor soul! my poor soul! what -will become of my poor soul? miserable sinner that I am!' 'Nay, -pr'ythee, my dear boy, compose thyself (resumed the knight); -consider the mercy of heaven is infinite; thou can'st not have -any sins of a very deep dye on thy conscience, or the devil's -in't.' 'Name not the devil (exclaimed the terrified Frogmore), I -have more sins to answer for than the world dreams of. -- Ah! -friend, I have been sly -- sly damn'd sly! -- Send for the parson -without loss of time, and put me to bed, for I am posting to -eternity.' -- He was accordingly raised from the couch, and -supported by two servants, who led him back to his room; but -before he quitted the parlour, he intreated the good company to -assist him with their prayers. -- He added, 'Take warning by me, -who am suddenly cut off in my prime, like a flower of the field; -and God forgive you, Sir Thomas, for suffering such poisonous -trash to be eaten at your table.' - -He was no sooner removed out of hearing, than the baronet -abandoned himself to a violent fit of laughing, in which he was -joined by the greatest part of the company; but we could hardly -prevent the good lady from going to undeceive the patient, by -discovering, that while he slept his waistcoat had been -straitened by the contrivance of the surgeon; and that the -disorder in his stomach and bowels was occasioned by some -antimonial wine, which he had taken over night, under the -denomination of plague-water. She seemed to think that his -apprehension might put an end to his life: the knight swore he -was no such chicken, but a tough old rogue, that would live long -enough to plague all his neighbours. -- Upon enquiry, we found his -character did not intitle him to much compassion or respect, and -therefore we let our landlord's humour take its course. -- A -glyster was actually administered by an old woman of the family, -who had been Sir Thomas's nurse, and the patient took a draught -made with oxymel of squills to forward the operation of the -antimonial wine, which had been retarded by the opiate of the -preceding night. He was visited by the vicar, who read prayers, -and began to take an account of the state of his soul, when those -medicines produced their effect; so that the parson was obliged -to hold his nose while he poured forth spiritual consolation from -his mouth. The same expedient was used by the knight and me, who, -with the doctor, entered the chamber at this juncture, and found -Frogmore enthroned on an easing-chair, under the pressure of a -double evacuation. The short intervals betwixt every heave he -employed in crying for mercy, confessing his sins, or asking the -vicar's opinion of his case; and the vicar answered, in a solemn -snuffling tone, that heightened the ridicule of the scene. The -emetic having done its office, the doctor interfered, and ordered -the patient to be put in bed again. When he examined the egesta, -and felt his pulse, he declared that much of the virus was -discharged, and, giving him a composing draught, assured him he -had good hopes of his recovery. -- This welcome hint he received -with the tears of joy in his eyes, protesting, that if he should -recover, he would always think himself indebted for his life to -the great skill and tenderness of his doctor, whose hand he -squeezed with great fervour; and thus he was left to his repose. - -We were pressed to stay dinner, that we might be witnesses of his -resuscitation; but my uncle insisted upon our departing before -noon, that we might reach this town before it should be dark. -- In -the mean-time, lady Bullford conducted us into the garden to see -a fishpond just finished, which Mr Bramble censured as being too -near the parlour, where the knight now sat by himself, dozing in -an elbow-chair after the fatigues of his morning atchievement. -- -In this situation he reclined, with his feet wrapped in flannel, -and supported in a line with his body, when the door flying open -with a violent shock, lieutenant Lismahago rushed into the room -with horror in his looks, exclaiming, 'A mad dog! a mad dog!' and -throwing up the window sash, leaped into the garden -- Sir Thomas, -waked by this tremendous exclamation, started up, and forgetting -his gout, followed the lieutenant's example by a kind of -instinctive impulse. He not only bolted thro' the window like an -arrow from a bow, but ran up to his middle in the pond before he -gave the least sign of recollection. Then the captain began to -bawl, 'Lord have mercy upon us! -- pray, take care of the -gentleman! -- for God's sake, mind your footing, my dear boy! -- get -warm blankets -- comfort his poor carcase -- warm the bed in the -green room.' - -Lady Bullford was thunder-struck at this phaenomenon, and the -rest of the company gazed in silent astonishment, while the -servants hastened to assist their master, who suffered himself to -be carried back into the parlour without speaking a word. -- Being -instantly accommodated with dry clothes and flannels, comforted -with a cordial, and replaced in statu quo, one of the maids was -ordered to chafe his lower extremities, an operation in -consequence of which his senses seemed to return and his good -humour to revive. -- As we had followed him into the room, he -looked at every individual in his turn, with a certain ludicrous -expression in his countenance, but fixed his eyes in particular -upon Lismahago, who presented him with a pinch of snuff, and when -he took it in silence, 'Sir Thomas Bullford (said he), I am much -obliged to you for all your favours, and some of them I have -endeavoured to repay in your own coin.' 'Give me thy hand (cried -the baronet); thou hast indeed payed me Scot and lot; and even -left a balance in my hands, for which, in presence of this -company, I promise to be accountable.' -- So saying, he laughed -very heartily, and even seemed to enjoy the retaliation which had -been exacted at his own expence; but lady Bullford looked very -grave; and in all probability thought the lieutenant had carried -his resentment too far, considering that her husband was -valetudinary -- but, according to the proverb, he that will play -at bowls must expect to meet with rubbers. I have seen a tame -bear, very diverting when properly managed, become a very -dangerous wild beast when teized for the entertainment of the -spectators. -- As for Lismahago, he seemed to think the fright and -the cold bath would have a good effect upon his patient's -constitution: but the doctor hinted some apprehension that the -gouty matter might, by such a sudden shock, be repelled from the -extremities and thrown upon some of the more vital parts of the -machine. -- I should be very sorry to see this prognostic verified -upon our facetious landlord, who told Mrs Tabitha at parting, -that he hoped she would remember him in the distribution of the -bride's favours, as he had taken so much pains to put the -captain's parts and mettle to the proof. -- After all, I am afraid -our squire will appear to be the greatest sufferer by the -baronet's wit; for his constitution is by no means calculated for -night-alarms. He has yawned and shivered all day, and gone to bed -without supper; so that, as we have got into good quarters, I -imagine we shall make a halt to-morrow; in which case, you will -have at least one day's respite from the persecution of - -J. MELFORD -Oct. 3. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MARY JONES, - -Miss Liddy is so good as to unclose me in a kiver as fur as -Gloster, and the carrier will bring it to hand -- God send us all -safe to Monmouthshire, for I'm quite jaded with rambling -- 'Tis a -true saying, live and learn -- 0 woman, what chuckling and changing -have I seen! -- Well, there's nothing sartain in this world -- Who -would have thought that mistriss, after all the pains taken for -the good of her prusias sole, would go for to throw away her poor -body? that she would cast the heys of infection upon such a -carrying-crow as Lashmihago! as old as Mathewsullin, as dry as a -red herring, and as poor as a starved veezel -- 0, Molly, hadst -thou seen him come down the ladder, in a shurt so scanty, that it -could not kiver his nakedness! -- The young 'squire called him -Dunquickset; but he looked for all the world like Cradoc-ap-Morgan, -the ould tinker, that suffered at Abergany for steeling -of kettle -- Then he's a profane scuffle, and, as Mr Clinker says, -no better than an impfiddle, continually playing upon the pyebill -and the new-burth -- I doubt he has as little manners as money; for -he can't say a civil word, much more make me a present of a pair -of gloves for goodwill; but he looks as if he wanted to be very -forewood and familiar O! that ever a gentlewoman of years and -discretion should tare her air, and cry and disporridge herself -for such a nubjack! as the song goes - -I vow she would fain have a burd -That bids such a price for an owl. - -but, for sartain, he must have dealt with some Scotch musician to -bring her to this pass -- As for me, I put my trust in the Lord; -and I have got a slice of witch elm sowed in the gathers of my -under petticoat; and Mr Clinker assures me, that by the new light -of grease, I may deify the devil and all his works -- But I nose -what I nose -- If mistress should take up with Lashmyhago, this is -no sarvice for me -- Thank God, there's no want of places; and if -it wan't for wan thing, I would -- but, no matter Madam Baynar's -woman has twenty good pounds a-year and parquisites; and dresses -like a parson of distinkson -- I dined with her and the valley de -shambles, with bags and golden jackets; but there was nothing -kimfittable to eat, being as how they lived upon board, and -having nothing but a piss of could cuddling tart and some -blamangey, I was tuck with the cullick, and a murcey it was that -mistress had her viol of assings in the cox. - -But, as I was saying, I think for sartain this match will go -forewood; for things are come to a creesus; and I have seen with -my own bays, such smuggling -- But I scorn for to exclose the -secrets of the family; and if it wance comes to marrying, who -nose but the frolick may go round -- I believes as how, Miss Liddy -would have no reversion if her swan would appear; and you would -be surprised, Molly, to receive a bride's fever from your humble -sarvant -- but this is all suppository, dear girl; and I have -sullenly promised to Mr Clinker, that neither man, woman, nor -child shall no that arrow said a civil thing to me in the way of -infection. I hope to drink your health at Brambleton-hall, in a -horn of October, before the month be out -- Pray let my bed be -turned once a-day, and the windore opened, while the weather is -dry; and burn a few billets with some brush in the footman's -garret, and see their mattrash be dry as a bone: for both our -gentlemen have got a sad could by lying in damp shits at sir -Tummas Ballfart's. No more at present, but my sarvice to Saul and -the rest of our fellow-sarvents, -being, - -Dear Mary Jones, -Always yours, -WIN. JENKINS -Oct. 4. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -This method of writing to you from time to time, without any -hopes of an answer, affords me, I own, some ease and satisfaction -in the 'midst of my disquiet, as it in some degree lightens the -burthen of affliction: but it is at best a very imperfect -enjoyment of friendship, because it admits of no return of -confidence and good counsel -- I would give the whole world to have -your company for a single day -- I am heartily tired of this -itinerant way of life. I am quite dizzy with a perpetual -succession of objects -- Besides it is impossible to travel such a -length of way, without being exposed to inconveniencies, dangers, -and disagreeable accidents, which prove very grievous to a poor -creature of weak nerves like me, and make me pay very dear for -the gratification of my curiosity. - -Nature never intended me for the busy world -- I long for repose -and solitude, where I can enjoy that disinterested friendship -which is not to be found among crouds, and indulge those pleasing -reveries that shun the hurry and tumult of fashionable society -- -Unexperienced as I am in the commerce of life, I have seen enough -to give me a disgust to the generality of those who carry it on -- -There is such malice, treachery, and dissimulation, even among -professed friends and intimate companions, as cannot fail to -strike a virtuous mind with horror; and when Vice quits the stage -for a moment, her place is immediately occupied by Folly, which -is often too serious to excite any thing but compassion. Perhaps I -ought to be silent on the foibles of my poor aunt; but with you, -my dear Willis, I have no secrets; and, truly, her weaknesses are -such as cannot be concealed. Since the first moment we arrived at -Bath, she has been employed constantly in spreading nets for the -other sex; and, at length, she has caught a superannuated -lieutenant, who is in a fair way to make her change her name -- My -uncle and my brother seem to have no objection to this -extraordinary match, which, I make no doubt, will afford -abundance of matter for conversation and mirth; for my part, I am -too sensible of my own weaknesses, to be diverted with those of -other people -- At present, I have something at heart that employs -my whole attention, and keeps my mind in the utmost terror and -suspence. - -Yesterday in the forenoon, as I stood with my brother at the -parlour window of an inn, where we had lodged, a person passed a -horseback, whom (gracious Heaven!) I instantly discovered to be -Wilson! He wore a white riding-coat, with the cape buttoned up to -his chin; looking remarkably pale, and passed at a round trot, -without seeming to observe us -- Indeed, he could not see us; for -there was a blind that concealed us from the view. You may guess -how I was affected at this apparition. The light forsook my eyes; -and I was seized with such a palpitation and trembling, that I -could not stand. I sat down upon a couch, and strove to compose -myself, that my brother might not perceive my agitation; but it -was impossible to escape his prying eyes -- He had observed the -object that alarmed me; and, doubtless, knew him at the first -glance -- He now looked at me with a stern countenance; then he ran -out into the street, to see what road the unfortunate horseman -had taken -- He afterwards dispatched his man for further -intelligence, and seemed to meditate some violent design. My -uncle, being out of order, we remained another night at the inn; -and all day long Jery acted the part of an indefatigable spy upon -my conduct -- He watched my very looks with such eagerness of -attention, as if he would have penetrated into the utmost -recesses of my heart -- This may be owing to his regard for my -honour, if it is not the effect of his own pride; but he is so -hot, and violent, and unrelenting, that the sight of him alone -throws me into a flutter; and really it will not be in my power -to afford him any share of my affection, if he persists in -persecuting me at this rate. I am afraid he has formed some -scheme of vengeance, which will make me completely wretched! I am -afraid he suspects some collusion from this appearance of -Wilson. -- Good God! did he really appear? -or was it only a phantom, a pale spectre to apprise me of his -death. - -O Letty, what shall I do? -- where shall I turn for advice and -consolation? shall I implore the protection of my uncle, who has -been always kind and compassionate. -- This must be my last -resource. -- I dread the thoughts of making him uneasy; and would -rather suffer a thousand deaths than live the cause of dissension -in the family. -- I cannot conceive the meaning of Wilson's coming -hither: -- perhaps, it was in quest of us, in order to disclose his -real name and situation: -- but wherefore pass without staying to -make the least enquiry? -- My dear Willis, I am lost in conjecture. -I have not closed an eye since I saw him. -- All night long have I -been tossed about from one imagination to another. The reflection -finds no resting place. -- I have prayed, and sighed, and wept -plentifully. -- If this terrible suspence continues much longer, I -shall have another fit of illness, and then the whole family will -be in confusion -- If it was consistent with the wise purposes of -Providence, would I were in my grave -- But it is my duty to be -resigned. -- My dearest Letty, excuse my weakness -- excuse these -blots -- my tears fall so fast that I cannot keep the paper dry -- -yet I ought to consider that I have as yet no cause to despair -but I am such a faint-hearted timorous creature! - -Thank God, my uncle is much better than he was yesterday. He is -resolved to pursue our journey strait to Wales. -- I hope we shall -take Gloucester in our way -- that hope chears my poor heart I -shall once more embrace my best beloved Willis, and pour all my -griefs into her friendly bosom. -- 0 heaven! is it possible that -such happiness is reserved for - -The dejected and forlorn -LYDIA MELFORD -Oct. 4. - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WATKIN, - -I yesterday met with an incident which I believe you will own to -be very surprising -- As I stood with Liddy at the window of the -inn where we had lodged, who should pass by but Wilson a-horse -back! -- I could not be mistaken in the person, for I had a full -view of him as he advanced; I plainly perceived by my sister's -confusion that she recognized him at the same time. I was equally -astonished and incensed at his appearance, which I could not but -interpret into an insult, or something worse. I ran out at the -gate, and, seeing him turn the corner of the street, I dispatched -my servant to observe his motions, but the fellow was too late to -bring me that satisfaction. He told me, however, that there was -an inn, called the Red Lion, at that end of the town, where he -supposed the horseman had alighted, but that he would not enquire -without further orders. I sent him back immediately to know what -strangers were in the house, and he returned with a report that -there was one Mr Wilson lately arrived. In consequence of this -information I charged him with a note directed to that gentleman, -desiring him to meet me in half an hour in a certain field at the -town's end, with a case of pistols, in order to decide the -difference which could not be determined at our last rencounter: -but I did not think proper to subscribe the billet. My man -assured me he had delivered it into his own hand; and, that -having read it, he declared he would wait upon the gentleman at -the place and time appointed. - -M'Alpine being an old soldier, and luckily sober at the time, I -entrusted him with my secret. I ordered him to be within call, -and, having given him a letter to be delivered to my uncle in -case of accident, I repaired to the rendezvous, which was an -inclosed field at a little distance from the highway. I found my -antagonist had already taken his ground, wrapped in a dark -horseman's coat, with a laced hat flapped over his eyes; but what -was my astonishment, when, throwing off this wrapper, he appeared -to be a person whom I had never seen before! He had one pistol -stuck in a leather belt, and another in his hand ready for -action, and, advancing a few steps, called to know if I was -ready -- I answered, 'No,' and desired a parley; upon which he -turned the muzzle of his piece towards the earth; then replaced -it in his belt, and met me half way -- When I assured him he was -not the man I expected to meet, he said it might be so: that he -had received a slip of paper directed to Mr Wilson, requesting -him to come hither; and that as there was no other in the place -of that name, he naturally concluded the note was intended for -him, and him only -- I then gave him to understand, -that I had been injured by a person who assumed that name, which -person I had actually seen within the hour, passing through the -street on horseback; that hearing there was a Mr Wilson at the -Red Lion, I took it for granted he was the man, and in that -belief had writ the billet; and I expressed my surprize, that he, -who was a stranger to me and my concerns, should give me such a -rendezvous, without taking the trouble to demand a previous -explanation. He replied, that there was no other of his name in -the whole country; that no such horseman had alighted at the Red -Lion since nine o'clock, when he arrived -- that having had the -honour to serve his majesty, he thought he could not decently -decline any invitation of this kind, from what quarter soever it -might come, and that if any explanation was necessary, it did not -belong to him to demand it, but to the gentleman who summoned -him into the field. Vexed as I was at this adventure, I could not -help admiring the coolness of this officer, whose open -countenance prepossessed me in his favour. He seemed to be turned -of forty; wore his own short black hair, which curled naturally -about his ears, and was very plain in his apparel -- When I begged -pardon for the trouble I had given him, he received my apology -with great good humour. -- He told me that he lived about ten miles -off, at a small farm-house, which would afford me tolerable -lodging, if I would come and take diversion of hunting with him -for a few weeks; in which case we might, perhaps, find out the -man who had given me offence -- I thanked him very sincerely for -his courteous offer, which, I told him, I was not at liberty to -accept at present, on account of my being engaged in a family -party; and so we parted, with mutual professions of good will and -esteem. - -Now tell me, dear knight, what am I to make of this singular -adventure? Am I to suppose that the horseman I saw was really a -thing of flesh and blood, or a bubble that vanished into air? -- or -must I imagine Liddy knows more of the matter than she chuses to -disclose? -- If I thought her capable of carrying on any -clandestine correspondence with such a fellow, I should at once -discard all tenderness, and forget that she was connected with me -by the ties of blood -- But how is it possible that a girl of her -simplicity and inexperience, should maintain such an intercourse, -surrounded, as she is, with so many eyes, destitute of all -opportunity, and shifting quarters every day of her life! -- -Besides, she has solemnly promised. No -- I can't think the girl so -base -- so insensible to the honour of her family. -- What disturbs -me chiefly, is the impression which these occurrences seem to -make upon her spirits -- These are the symptoms from which I -conclude that the rascal has still a hold on her affection, surely -I have a right to call him a rascal, and to conclude that his -designs are infamous. But it shall be my fault if he does not one -day repent his presumption -- I confess I cannot think, much less -write on this subject, with any degree of temper or patience; I -shall therefore conclude with telling you, that we hope to be in -Wales by the latter end of the month: but before that period you -will probably hear again from - -your affectionate -J. MELFORD -Oct. 4. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -When I wrote you by last post, I did not imagine I should be -tempted to trouble you again so soon: but I now sit down with a -heart so full that it cannot contain itself; though I am under -such agitation of spirits, that you are to expect neither method -nor connexion in this address -- We have been this day within a -hair's breadth of losing honest Matthew Bramble, in consequence -of a cursed accident, which I will endeavour to explain. -- In -crossing the country to get into the post road, it was necessary -to ford a river, and we that were a-horseback passed without any -danger or difficulty; but a great quantity of rain having fallen -last night and this morning, there was such an accumulation of -water, that a mill-head gave way, just as the coach was passing -under it, and the flood rushed down with such impetuosity, as -first floated, and then fairly overturned the carriage in the -middle of the stream -- Lismahago and I, and the two servants, -alighting instantaneously, ran into the river to give all the -assistance in our power. -- Our aunt, Mrs Tabitha, who had the good -fortune to be uppermost, was already half way out of the coach -window, when her lover approaching, disengaged her entirely; but, -whether his foot slipt, or -the burthen was too great, they fell over head and ears in each -others' arms. He endeavoured more than once to get up, and even -to disentangle himself from her embrace, but she hung about his -neck like a mill-stone (no bad emblem of matrimony), and if my -man had not proved a stanch auxiliary, those two lovers would in -all probability have gone hand in hand to the shades below -- For -my part, I was too much engaged to take any cognizance of their -distress. -- I snatched out my sister by the hair of the head, and, -dragging her to the bank, recollected that my uncle had, not yet -appeared -- Rushing again into the stream, I met Clinker hauling -ashore Mrs Jenkins, who looked like a mermaid with her hair -dishevelled about her ears; but, when I asked if his master was -safe, he forthwith shook her from him, and she must have gone to -pot, if a miller had not seasonably come to her relief. -- As for -Humphry, he flew like lightning, to the coach, that was by this -time filled with water, and, diving into it, brought up the poor -'squire, to all appearance, deprived of life -- It is not in my -power to describe what I felt at this melancholy spectacle -- it -was such an agony as baffles all description! The faithful -Clinker, taking him up in his arms, as if he had been an infant -of six months, carried him ashore, howling most piteously all the -way, and I followed him in a transport of grief and -consternation -- When he was laid upon the grass and turned from -side to side, a great quantity of water ran out at his mouth, -then he opened his eyes, and fetched a deep sigh. Clinker -perceiving these signs of life, immediately tied up his arm with -a garter, and, pulling out a horse-fleam, let him blood in the -farrier stile. -- At first a few drops only issued from the -orifice, but the limb being chafed, in a little time the blood -began to flow in a continued stream, and he uttered some -incoherent words, which were the most welcome sounds that ever -saluted my ear. There was a country inn hard by, the landlord of -which had by this time come with his people to give their -assistance. -- Thither my uncle being carried, was undressed and -put to bed, wrapped in warm blankets; but having been moved too -soon, he fainted away, and once more lay without sense or motion, -notwithstanding all the efforts of Clinker and the landlord, who -bathed his temples with Hungary water, and held a smelling-bottle -to his nose. As I had heard of the efficacy of salt in such -cases, I ordered all that was in the house to be laid under his -head and body; and whether this application had the desired -effect, or nature of herself prevailed, he, in less than a -quarter of an hour, began to breathe regularly, and soon -retrieved his recollection, to the unspeakable joy of all the by-standers. -As for Clinker, his brain seemed to be affected. -- He -laughed, and wept, and danced about in such a distracted manner, -that the landlord very judiciously conveyed him out of the room. -My uncle, seeing me dropping wet, comprehended the whole of what -had happened, and asked if all the company was safe? -- Being -answered in the affirmative, he insisted upon my putting on dry -clothes; and, having swallowed a little warm wine, desired he -might be left to his repose. Before I went to shift myself, I -inquired about the rest of the family -- I found Mrs Tabitha still -delirious from her fright, discharging very copiously the water -she had swallowed. She was supported by the captain, distilling -drops from his uncurled periwig, so lank and so dank, that he -looked like Father Thames without his sedges, embracing Isis, -while she cascaded in his urn. Mrs Jenkins was present also, in a -loose bed gown, without either cap or handkerchief; but she -seemed to be as little compos mentis as her mistress, and acted -so many cross purposes in the course of her attendance, that, -between the two, Lismahago had occasion for all his philosophy. -As for Liddy, I thought the poor girl would have actually lost -her senses. The good woman of the house had shifted her linen, -and put her into bed; but she was seized with the idea that her -uncle had perished, and in this persuasion made a dismal out-cry; -nor did she pay the least regard to what I said, when I solemnly -assured her he was safe. Mr Bramble hearing the noise, and being -informed of her apprehension, desired she might be brought into -his chamber; and she no sooner received this intimation, than she -ran thither half naked, with the wildest expression of eagerness -in her countenance -- Seeing the 'squire sitting up in the bed, she -sprung forwards and throwing her arms about his neck, exclaimed -in a most pathetic tone, 'Are you -- Are you indeed my uncle -- My -dear uncle! -- My best friend! My father! -- Are you really living? -or is it an illusion of my poor brain!' Honest Matthew was so -much affected, that he could not help shedding tears, while he -kissed her forehead, saying, 'My dear Liddy, I hope I shall live -long enough to shew how sensible I am of your affection -- But your -spirits are fluttered, child -- You want rest -- Go to bed and -compose yourself' -- 'Well, I will (she replied) but still methinks -this cannot be real -- The coach was full of water -- My uncle was -under us all -- Gracious God! -- You was under water -- How did you get -out; -- tell me that? or I shall think this is all a deception' -- -'In what manner I was brought out, I know as little as you do, my -dear (said the 'squire); and, truly, that is a circumstance of -which I want to be informed.' I would have given him a detail of -the whole adventure, but he would not hear me until I should -change my clothes; so that I had only time to tell him, that he -owed his life to the courage and fidelity of Clinker: and having -given him this hint, I conducted my sister to her own chamber. - -This accident happened about three o'clock in the afternoon, and -in little more than an hour the hurricane was all over; but as -the carriage was found to be so much damaged, that it could not -proceed without considerable repairs, a blacksmith and -wheelwright were immediately sent for to the next market-town, -and we congratulated ourselves upon being housed at an inn, -which, though remote from the post-road, afforded exceeding good -lodging. The women being pretty well composed, and the men all a-foot, -my uncle sent for his servant, and, in the presence of -Lismahago and me, accosted him in these words -- 'So, Clinker, I -find you are resolved I shan't die by water -- As you have fished -me up from the bottom at your own risque, you are at least -entitled to all the money that was in my pocket, and there it -is' -- So saying, he presented him with a purse containing thirty -guineas, and a ring nearly of the same value -- 'God forbid! (cried -Clinker), your honour shall excuse me -- I am a poor fellow, but I -have a heart O! if your honour did but know how I rejoice to see -- -Blessed be his holy name, that made me the humble instrument -- -But as for the lucre of gain, I renounce it -- I have done no more -than my duty -- No more than I would have done for the most -worthless of my fellow-creatures -- No more than I would have done -for captain Lismahago, or Archy Macalpine, or any sinner upon -earth -- But for your worship, I would go through fire as well as -water' -- 'I do believe it, Humphry (said the 'squire); but as you -think it was your duty to save my life at the hazard of your own, -I think it is mine to express the sense I have of your -extraordinary fidelity and attachment -- I insist upon your -receiving this small token of my gratitude; but don't imagine -that I look upon this as an adequate recompence for the service -you have done me -- I have determined to settle thirty pounds a-year -upon you for life; and I desire these gentlemen will bear -witness to this my intention, of which I have a memorandum in my -pocketbook.' 'Lord make me thankful for all these mercies! (cried -Clinker, sobbing), I have been a poor bankrupt from the -beginning -- your honour's goodness found me, when I was -- naked -when I was -- sick and forlorn -- I understand your honour's looks -- I -would not give offence -- but my heart is very full -- and if your -worship won't give me leave to speak, -- I must vent it in prayers -to heaven for my benefactor.' When he quitted the room, Lismahago -said, he should have a much better opinion of his honesty, if he -did not whine and cant so abominably; but that he had always -observed those weeping and praying fellows were hypocrites at -bottom. Mr Bramble made no reply to this sarcastic remark, -proceeding from the lieutenant's resentment of Clinker having, in -pure simplicity of heart, ranked him with M'Alpine and the -sinners of the earth -- The landlord being called to receive some -orders about the beds, told the 'squire that his house was very -much at his service, but he was sure he should not have the -honour to lodge him and his company. He gave us to understand -that his master who lived hard by, would not suffer us to be at a -public house, when there was accommodation for us at his own; and -that, if he had not dined abroad in the neighbourhood he would -have undoubtedly come to offer his services at our first arrival. -He then launched out in praise of that gentleman, whom he had -served as butler, representing him as a perfect miracle of -goodness and generosity. He said he was a person of great -learning, and allowed to be the best farmer in the country: -- that -he had a lady who was as much beloved as himself, and an only -son, a very hopeful young gentleman, just recovered from a -dangerous fever, which had like to have proved fatal to the whole -family; for, if the son had died, he was sure the parents would -not have survived their loss -- He had not yet finished the -encomium of Mr Dennison, when this gentleman arrived in a post-chaise, -and his appearance seemed to justify all that had been -said in his favour. He is pretty well advanced in years, but -hale, robust, and florid, with an ingenuous countenance, -expressive of good sense and humanity. Having condoled with us on -the accident which had happened, he said he was come to conduct -us to his habitation, where we should be less incommoded than at -such a paultry inn, and expressed his hope that the ladies would -not be the worse for going thither in his carriage, as the -distance was not above a quarter of a mile. My uncle having made -a proper return to this courteous exhibition, eyed him -attentively, and then asked if he had not been at Oxford, a -commoner of Queen's college? When Mr Dennison answered, 'Yes,' -with some marks of surprise -- 'Look at me then (said our squire) -and let us see if you can recollect the features of an old -friend, whom you have not seen these forty years.' -- The -gentleman, taking him by the hand, and gazing at him earnestly, -- -'I protest (cried he), I do think I recall the idea of Matthew -Loyd of Glamorganshire, who was student of Jesus.' 'Well -remembered, my dear friend, Charles Dennison (exclaimed my uncle, -pressing him to his breast), I am that very identical Matthew -Loyd of Glamorgan.' Clinker, who had just entered the room with -some coals for the fire, no sooner heard these words, than -throwing down the scuttle on the toes of Lismahago, he began to -caper as if he was mad, crying -- 'Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan! -- O -Providence! -- Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan!' -- Then, clasping my -uncle's knees, he went on in this manner -- 'Your worship must -forgive me -- Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan! -- O Lord, Sir! I can't -contain myself! -- I shall lose my senses' -- 'Nay, thou hast lost -them already, I believe (said the 'squire, peevishly), prithee, -Clinker, be quiet -- What is the matter?' -- Humphry, fumbling in his -bosom, pulled out an old wooden snuff-box, which he presented in -great trepidation to his master, who, opening it immediately, -perceived a small cornelian seal, and two scraps of paper -- At -sight of these articles he started, and changed colour, and -casting his eye upon the inscriptions -- 'Ha! -- how! -- what! where -(cried he) is the person here named?' Clinker, knocking his own -breast, could hardly pronounce these words -- 'Here -- here -- here is -Matthew Loyd, as the certificate sheweth -- Humphry Clinker was the -name of the farrier that took me 'prentice' -- 'And who gave you -these tokens?' said my uncle hastily -- 'My poor mother on her -death-bed' -- replied the other -- 'And who was your mother?' -'Dorothy Twyford, an please your honour, heretofore bar-keeper at -the Angel at Chippenham.' -- 'And why were not these tokens -produced before?' 'My mother told me she had wrote to -Glamorganshire, at the time of my birth, but had no answer; and -that afterwards, when she made enquiry, there was no such person -in that county.' 'And so in consequence of my changing my name -and going abroad at that very time, thy poor mother and thou have -been left to want and misery -- I am really shocked at the -consequence of my own folly.' -- Then, laying his hand on Clinker's -head, he added, 'Stand forth, Matthew Loyd -- You see, gentlemen, -how the sins of my youth rise up in judgment against me -- Here is -my direction written with my own hand, and a seal which I left at -the woman's request; and this is a certificate of the child's -baptism, signed by the curate of the parish.' The company were -not a little surprised at this discovery, upon which Mr Dennison -facetiously congratulated both the father and the son: for my -part, I shook my new-found cousin heartily by the hand, and -Lismahago complimented him with the tears in his eyes, for he had -been hopping about the room, swearing in broad Scotch, and -bellowing with the pain occasioned by the fall of the coalscuttle -upon his foot. He had even vowed to drive the saul out of the -body of that mad rascal: but, perceiving the unexpected turn -which things had taken, he wished him joy of his good fortune, -observing that it went very near his heart, as he was like to be -a great toe out of pocket by the discovery -- Mr Dennison now -desired to know for what reason my uncle had changed the name by -which he knew him at Oxford, and our 'squire satisfied him, by -answering to this effect -- 'I took my mother's name, which was -Loyd, as heir to her lands in Glamorganshire; but when I came of -age, I sold that property, in order to clear my paternal estate, -and resumed my real name; so that I am now Matthew Bramble of -Brambleton-hall in Monmouthshire, at your service; and this is my -nephew, Jeremy Melford of Belfield, in the county of Glamorgan.' -At that instant the ladies entering the room, he presented Mrs -Tabitha as his sister, and Liddy as his niece. The old gentleman -saluted them very cordially, and seemed struck with the -appearance of my sister, whom he could not help surveying with a -mixture of -complacency and surprize -- 'Sister (said my uncle), there is a -poor relation that recommends himself to your good graces -- The -quondam Humphry Clinker is metamorphosed into Matthew Loyd; and -claims the honour of being your carnal kinsman -- in short, the -rogue proves to be a crab of my own planting in the days of hot -blood and unrestrained libertinism.' Clinker had by this time -dropt upon one knee, by the side of Mrs Tabitha, who, eyeing him -askance, and flirting her fan with marks of agitation, thought -proper, after some conflict, to hold out her hand for him to -kiss, saying, with a demure aspect, 'Brother, you have been very -wicked: but I hope you'll live to see the folly of your ways -- I -am very sorry to say the young man, whom you have this day -acknowledged, has more grace and religion, by the gift of God, -than you with all your profane learning, and repeated -opportunity -- I do think he has got the trick of the eye, and the -tip of the nose of my uncle Loyd of Flluydwellyn; and as for the -long chin, it is the very moral of the governor's -- Brother, as -you have changed his name pray change his dress also; that livery -doth not become any person that hath got our blood in his -veins.' -- Liddy seemed much pleased with this acquisition to the -family. -- She took him by the hand, declaring she should always be -proud to own her connexion with a virtuous young man, who had -given so many proofs of his gratitude and affection to her -uncle. -- Mrs. Winifred Jenkins, extremely fluttered between her -surprize at this discovery, and the apprehension of losing her -sweet-heart, exclaimed in a giggling tone, -- 'I wish you joy Mr -Clinker -- Floyd -- I would say -- hi, hi, hi! -- you'll be so proud you -won't look at your poor fellow servants, oh, oh, oh!' Honest -Clinker owned he was overjoyed at his good fortune, which was -greater than he deserved -- 'But wherefore should I be proud? (said -he) a poor object conceived in sin, and brought forth in -iniquity, nursed in a parish workhouse, and bred in a smithy. -Whenever I seem proud, Mrs Jenkins, I beg of you to put me in -mind of the condition I was in, when I first saw you between -Chippenham and Marlborough.' - -When this momentous affair was discussed to the satisfaction of -all parties concerned, the weather being dry, the ladies declined -the carriage; so that we walked all together to Mr Dennison's -house, where we found the tea ready prepared by his lady, an -amiable matron, who received us with all the benevolence of -hospitality. The house is old fashioned and irregular, but -lodgeable and commodious. To the south it has the river in front, -at the distance of a hundred paces; and on the north, there is a -rising ground covered with an agreeable plantation; the greens -and walks are kept in the nicest order, and all is rural and -romantic. I have not yet seen the young gentleman, who is on a -visit to a friend in the neighbourhood, from whose house he is -not expected 'till to-morrow. - -In the mean time, as there is a man going to the next market town -with letters for the post, I take this opportunity to send you -the history of this day, which has been remarkably full of -adventures; and you will own I give you them like a beef-steak at -Dolly's, hot and hot, without ceremony and parade, just as they -come from the recollection of - -Yours, -J. MELFORD - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -Since the last trouble I gave you, I have met with a variety of -incidents, some of them of a singular nature, which I reserve as -a fund for conversation; but there are others so interesting, -that they will not keep in petto till meeting. - -Know then, it was a thousand pounds to a sixpence, that you -should now be executing my will, instead of perusing my letter! -Two days ago, our coach was overturned in the midst of a rapid -river, where my life was saved with the utmost difficulty, by the -courage, activity, and presence of mind of my servant Humphry -Clinker -- But this is not the most surprising circumstance of the -adventure -- The said Humphry Clinker proves to be Matthew Loyd, -natural son of one Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan, if you know any -such person -- You see, Doctor, that notwithstanding all your -philosophy, it is not without some reason that the Welchmen -ascribe such energy to the force of blood -- But we shall discuss -this point on some future occasion. - -This is not the only discovery which I made in consequence of our -disaster -- We happened to be wrecked upon a friendly shore -- The -lord of the manor is no other than Charles Dennison, our fellow-rake -at Oxford -- We are now happily housed with that gentleman, -who has really attained to that pitch of rural felicity, at which -I have been aspiring these twenty years in vain. He is blessed -with a consort, whose disposition is suited to his own in all -respects; tender, generous, and benevolent -- She, moreover, -possesses an uncommon share of understanding, fortitude, and -discretion, and is admirably qualified to be his companion, -confidant, counsellor, and coadjutrix. These excellent persons -have an only son, about nineteen years of age, just such a youth -as they could have wished that Heaven would bestow to fill up the -measure of their enjoyment -- In a word, they know no other allay -to their happiness, but their apprehension and anxiety about the -life and concerns of this beloved object. - -Our old friend, who had the misfortune to be a second brother, -was bred to the law, and even called to the bar; but he did not -find himself qualified to shine in that province, and had very -little inclination for his profession -- He disobliged his father, -by marrying for love, without any consideration of fortune; so -that he had little or nothing to depend upon for some years but -his practice, which afforded him a bare subsistence; and the -prospect of an increasing family, began to give him disturbance -and disquiet. In the mean time, his father dying, was succeeded -by his elder brother, a fox-hunter and a sot, who neglected his -affairs, insulted and oppressed his servants, and in a few years -had well nigh ruined the estate, when he was happily carried off -by a fever, the immediate consequence of a debauch. Charles, with -the approbation of his wife, immediately determined to quit -business, and retire into the country, although this resolution -was strenuously and zealously opposed by every individual, whom -he consulted on the subject. Those who had tried the experiment, -assured him that he could not pretend to breathe in the country -for less than the double of what his estate produced; that, in -order to be upon the footing of a gentleman, he would be obliged -to keep horses, hounds, carriages, with a suitable number of -servants, and maintain an elegant table for the entertainment of -his neighbours; that farming was a mystery, known only to those -who had been bred up to it from the cradle, the success of it -depending not only upon skill and industry, but also upon such -attention and oeconomy as no gentleman could be supposed to give -or practise; accordingly, every attempt made by gentlemen -miscarried, and not a few had been ruined by their prosecution of -agriculture -- Nay, they affirmed that he would find it cheaper to -buy hay and oats for his cattle, and to go to market for poultry, -eggs, kitchen herbs, and roots, and every the most inconsiderable -article of house-keeping, than to have those articles produced on -his own ground. - -These objections did not deter Mr Dennison, because they were -chiefly founded on the supposition, that he would be obliged to -lead a life of extravagance and dissipation, which he and his -consort equally detested, despised, and determined to avoid -- The -objects he had in view, were health of body, peace of mind, and -the private satisfaction of domestic quiet, unallayed by actual -want, and uninterrupted by the fears of indigence -- He was very -moderate in his estimate of the necessaries, and even of the -comforts of life -- He required nothing but wholesome air, pure -water, agreeable exercise, plain diet, convenient lodging, and -decent apparel. He reflected, that if a peasant without -education, or any great share of natural sagacity, could maintain -a large family, and even become opulent upon a farm, for which he -payed an annual rent of two or three hundred pounds to the -landlord, surely he himself might hope for some success from his -industry, having no rent to pay, but, on the contrary, three or -four hundred pounds a year to receive. He considered, that the -earth was an indulgent mother, that yielded her fruits to all her -children without distinction. He had studied the theory of -agriculture with a degree of eagerness and delight; and he could -not conceive there was any mystery in the practice, but what he -should be able to disclose by dint of care and application. With -respect to houshold expence, he entered into a minute detail and -investigation, by which he perceived the assertions of his -friends were altogether erroneous -- He found he should save sixty -pounds a year in the single article of house-rent, and as much -more in pocket-money and contingencies; that even butcher's-meat -was twenty per cent cheaper in the country than in London; but -that poultry, and almost every other circumstance of house-keeping, -might be had for less than one-half of -what they cost in town; besides, a considerable saving on the -side of dress, in being delivered from the oppressive imposition -of ridiculous modes, invented by ignorance, and adopted by folly. - -As to the danger of vying with the rich in pomp and equipage, it -never gave him the least disturbance. He was now turned of forty, -and, having lived half that time in the busy scenes of life, was -well skilled in the science of mankind. There cannot be in nature -a more contemptible figure than that of a man, who, with five -hundred a year, presumes to rival in expence a neighbour who -possesses five times that income -- His ostentation, far from -concealing, serves only to discover his indigence, and render his -vanity the more shocking; for it attracts the eyes of censure, -and excites the spirit of inquiry. There is not a family in the -county nor a servant in his own house, nor a farmer in the -parish, but what knows the utmost farthing that his lands -produce, and all these behold him with scorn or compassion. I am -surprised that these reflections do not occur to persons in this -unhappy dilemma, and produce a salutary effect; but the truth is, -of all the passions incident to human nature, vanity is that -which most effectually perverts the faculties of the -understanding; nay, it sometimes becomes so incredibly depraved, -as to aspire at infamy, and find pleasure in bearing the stigmas -of reproach. - -I have now given you a sketch of the character and situation of -Mr Dennison, when he came down to take possession of this estate; -but as the messenger, who carries the letters to the next town, -is just setting off, I shall reserve what further I have to say -on this subject, till the next post, when you shall certainly -hear from - - -Yours always, -MATT. BRAMBLE -Oct. 8. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -Once more, dear doctor, I resume the pen for your amusement. It -was on the morning after our arrival that, walking out with my -friend, Mr Dennison, I could not help breaking forth into the -warmest expressions of applause at the beauty of the scene, which -is really inchanting; and I signified, in particular, how much I -was pleased with the disposition of some detached groves, that -afforded at once shelter and ornament to his habitation. - -'When I took possession of these lands, about two and twenty -years ago (said he), there was not a tree standing within a mile -of the house, except those of an old neglected orchard, which -produced nothing but leaves and moss. -- It was in the gloomy month -of November, when I arrived, and found the house in such a -condition, that it might have been justly stiled the tower of -desolation. -- The court-yard was covered with nettles and docks , -and the garden exhibited such a rank plantation of weeds as I had -never seen before; -- the window-shutters were falling in pieces, -- -the sashes broken; -- and owls and jack-daws had taken possession -of the chimnies. -- The prospect within was still more dreary -- All -was dark, and damp, and dirty beyond description; -- the rain -penetrated in several parts of the roof; -- in some apartments the -very floors had given way; -- the hangings were parted from the -walls, and shaking in mouldy remnants; the glasses were dropping -out of their frames; -- the family-pictures were covered with dust. -and all the chairs and tables worm-eaten and crazy. -- There was -not a bed in the house that could be used, except one old-fashioned -machine, with a high gilt tester and fringed curtains -of yellow mohair, which had been, for aught I know, two centuries -in the family. -- In short, there was no furniture but the utensils -of the kitchen; and the cellar afforded nothing but a few empty -butts and barrels, that stunk so abominably, that I would not -suffer any body to enter it until I had flashed a considerable -quantity of gunpowder to qualify the foul air within. - -'An old cottager and his wife, who were hired to lie in the -house, had left it with precipitation, alledging, among other -causes of retreat, that they could not sleep for frightful -noises, and that my poor brother certainly walked after his -death. -- In a word, the house appeared uninhabitable; the barn, -stable, and outhouses were in ruins; all the fences broken down, -and the fields lying waste. - -'The farmer who kept the key never dreamed I had any intention to -live upon the spot -- He rented a farm of sixty pounds, and his -lease was just expiring. -- He had formed a scheme of being -appointed bailiff to the estate, and of converting the house and -the adjacent grounds to his own use. --A hint of his intention I -received from the curate at my first arrival; I therefore did not -pay much regard to what he said by way of discouraging me from -coming to settle in the country; but I was a little startled -when he gave me warning that he should quit the farm at the -expiration of his lease, unless I could abate considerably in the -rent. - -'At this period I accidentally became acquainted with a person, -whose friendship laid the foundation of all my prosperity. In the -next market-town I chanced to dine at an inn with a Mr Wilson, -who was lately come to settle in the neighbourhood. -- He had been -lieutenant of a man of war, but quitted the sea in some disgust, -and married the only daughter of farmer Bland, who lives in this -parish, and has acquired a good fortune in the way of husbandry. -- -Wilson is one of the best natured men I ever knew; brave, frank, -obliging, and ingenuous -- He liked my conversation, I was charmed -with his liberal manner; and acquaintance immediately commenced, -and this was soon improved into a friendship without reserve. -- -There are characters which, like similar particles of matter, -strongly attract each other. -- He forthwith introduced me to his -father-in-law, farmer Bland, who was well acquainted with every -acre of my estate, of consequence well qualified to advise me on -this occasion. -- Finding I was inclined to embrace a country life, -and even to amuse myself with the occupation of farming, he -approved of my design -- He gave me to understand that all my farms -were underlett; that the estate was capable of great improvement; -that there was plenty of chalk in the neighbourhood; and that my -own ground produced excellent marle for manure. -- With respect to -the farm, which was like to fall into my hands, he said he would -willingly take it at the present rent; but at the same time -owned, that if I would expend two hundred pounds in enclosure, it -would be worth more than double the sum. - -'Thus encouraged, I began the execution of my scheme without -further delay, and plunged into a sea of expence, though I had no -fund in reserve, and the whole produce of the estate did not -exceed three hundred pounds a year -- In one week, my house was -made weather-tight, and thoroughly cleansed from top to bottom; -then it was well ventilated by throwing all the doors and windows -open, and making blazing fires of wood in every chimney from the -kitchen to the garrets. The floors were repaired, the sashes new -glazed, and out of the old furniture of the whole house, I made -shift to fit up a parlour and three chambers in a plain yet -decent manner. -- The court-yard was cleared of weeds and rubbish, -and my friend Wilson charged himself with the dressing of the -garden; bricklayers were set at work upon the barn and stable; -and labourers engaged to restore the fences, and begin the work -of hedging and ditching, under the direction of farmer Bland, at -whose recommendation I hired a careful hind to lie in the house, -and keep constant fires in the apartments. - -'Having taken these measures, I returned to London, where I -forthwith sold off my household-furniture, and, in three weeks -from my first visit, brought my wife hither to keep her -Christmas. -- Considering the gloomy season of the year, the -dreariness of the place, and the decayed aspect of our -habitation, I was afraid that her resolution would sink under the -sudden transition from a town life to such a melancholy state of -rustication; but I was agreeably disappointed. -- She found the -reality less uncomfortable than the picture I had drawn. -- By this -time indeed, things were mended in appearance -- The out-houses had -risen out of their ruins; the pigeon-house was rebuilt, and -replenished by Wilson, who also put my garden in decent order, -and provided a good stock of poultry, which made an agreeable -figure in my yard; and the house, on the whole, looked like the -habitation of human creatures. -- Farmer Bland spared me a milch -cow for my family, and an ordinary saddle-horse for my servant to -go to market at the next town. -- I hired a country lad for a -footman, the hind's daughter was my house-maid, and my wife had -brought a cook-maid from London. - -'Such was my family when I began house-keeping in this place, -with three hundred pounds in my pocket, raised from the sale of -my superfluous furniture. -- I knew we should find occupation -enough through the day to employ our time; but I dreaded the long -winter evenings; yet, for those too we found a remedy: The -curate, who was a single man, soon became so naturalized to the -family, that he generally lay in the house; and his company was -equally agreeable and useful. He was a modest man, a good -scholar, and perfectly well qualified to instruct me in such -country matters as I wanted to know. -- Mr Wilson brought his wife -to see us, and she became so fond of Mrs Dennison, that she said -she was never so happy as when she enjoyed the benefit of her -conversation. -- She was then a fine buxom country lass, -exceedingly docile, and as good-natured as her husband Jack -Wilson; so that a friendship ensued among the women, which hath -continued to this day. - -'As for Jack, he hath been my constant companion, counsellor, and -commissary. -- I would not for a hundred pounds you should leave my -house without seeing him. -- Jack is an universal genius -- his -talents are really astonishing: -- He is an excellent carpenter, -joiner, and turner, and a cunning artist in iron and brass. -- He -not only superintended my oeconomy, but also presided over my -pastimes -- He taught me to brew beer, to make cyder, perry, mead, -usquebaugh, and plague-water; to cook several outlandish -delicacies, such as ollas, pepper-pots, pillaws, corys, chabobs, -and stufatas. -- He understands all manner of games from chess down -to chuck-farthing, sings a good song, plays upon the violin, and -dances a hornpipe with surprising agility. -- He and I walked, and -rode, and hunted, and fished together, without minding the -vicissitudes of the weather; and I am persuaded, that in a raw, -moist climate, like this of England, continual exercise is as -necessary as food to the preservation of the individual. -- In the -course of two and twenty years, there has not been one hour's -interruption or abatement in the friendship subsisting between -Wilson's family and mine; and, what is a rare instance of good -fortune, that friendship is continued to our children. -- His son -and mine are nearly of the same age and the same disposition; -they have been bred up together at the same school and college, -and love each other with the warmest affection. - -'By Wilson's means, I likewise formed an acquaintance with a -sensible physician, who lives in the next market-town; and his -sister, an agreeable old maiden, passed the Christmas holidays at -our house. Mean while I began my farming with great eagerness, -and that very winter planted these groves that please you so -much. -- As for the neighbouring gentry, I had no trouble from that -quarter during my first campaign; they were all gone to town -before I settled in the country; and by the summer I had taken -measures to defend myself from their attacks. -- When a gay -equipage came to my gates, I was never at home; those who visited -me in a modest way, I received; and according to the remarks I -made on their characters and conversation, either rejected their -advances, or returned their civility -- I was in general despised -among the fashionable company, as a low fellow, both in breeding -and circumstances; nevertheless, I found a few individuals of -moderate fortune, who gladly adopted my stile of living; and many -others would have acceded to our society, had they not been -prevented by the pride, envy, and ambition of their wives and -daughters. -- Those, in times of luxury and dissipation, are the -rocks upon which all the small estates in the country are -wrecked. - -'I reserved in my own hands, some acres of ground adjacent to the -house, for making experiments in agriculture, according to the -directions of Lyle, Tull, Hart, Duhamel, and others who have -written on this subject; and qualified their theory with the -practical observations of farmer Bland, who was my great master -in the art of husbandry. -- In short, I became enamoured of a -country life; and my success greatly exceeded my expectation -- I -drained bogs, burned heath, grubbed up furze and fern; I planted -copse and willows where nothing else would grow; I gradually -inclosed all my farms, and made such improvements that my estate -now yields me clear twelve hundred pounds a year -- All this time -my wife and I have enjoyed uninterrupted health, and a regular -flow of spirits, except on a very few occasions, when our -cheerfulness was invaded by such accidents as are inseparable -from the condition of life. I lost two children in their infancy, -by the small-pox, so that I have one son only, in whom all our -hopes are centered. -- He went yesterday to visit a friend, with -whom he has stayed all night, but he will be here to dinner. -- I -shall this day have the pleasure of presenting him to you and -your family; and I flatter myself you will find him not -altogether unworthy of our affection. - -'The truth is, either I am blinded by the partiality of a parent, -or he is a boy of very amiable character; and yet his conduct has -given us unspeakable disquiet. -- You must know, we had projected a -match between him and a gentleman's daughter in the next county, -who will in all probability be heiress of a considerable fortune; -but, it seems, he had a personal disgust to the alliance. -He was then at Cambridge, and tried to gain time on various -pretences; but being pressed in letters by his mother and me to -give a definitive answer, he fairly gave his tutor the slip, and -disappeared about eight months ago. -- Before he took this rash -step, he wrote me a letter, explaining his objections to the -match, and declaring, that he would keep himself concealed until -he should understand that his parents would dispense with his -contracting an engagement that must make him miserable for life, -and he prescribed the form of advertising in a certain newspaper, -by which he might be apprized of our sentiments on this subject. - -'You may easily conceive how much we were alarmed and afflicted -by this elopement, which he had made without dropping the least -hint to his companion Charles Wilson, who belonged to the same -college. -- We resolved to punish him with the appearance of -neglect, in hopes that he would return of his own accord; but he -maintained his purpose till the young lady chose a partner for -herself; then he produced himself, and made his peace by the -mediation of Wilson. -- Suppose we should unite our families by -joining him with your niece, who is one of the most lovely -creatures I ever beheld. -- My wife is already as fond of her as if -she were her own child, and I have a presentiment that my son -will be captivated by her at first sight.' 'Nothing could be more -agreeable to all our family (said I) than such an alliance; but, -my dear friend, candour obliges me to tell you, that I am afraid -Liddy's heart is not wholly disengaged -- there is a cursed -obstacle' -- 'You mean the young stroller at Gloucester (said he) -- -You are surprised that I should know this circumstance; but you -will be more surprised when I tell you that stroller is no other -than my son George Dennison -- That was the character he assumed in -his eclipse.' 'I am, indeed, astonished and overjoyed (cried I), -and shall be happy beyond expression to see your proposal take -effect.' - -He then gave me to understand that the young gentleman, at his -emerging from concealment, had disclosed his passion for Miss -Melford, the niece of Mr Bramble, of Monmouthshire. Though Mr -Dennison little dreamed that this was his old friend Matthew -Loyd, he nevertheless furnished his son with proper credentials, -and he had been at Bath, London, and many other places in quest -of us, to make himself and his pretensions known. - -The bad success of his enquiry had such an effect upon his -spirits, that immediately at his return he was seized with a -dangerous fever, which overwhelmed his parents with terror and -affliction; but he was now happily recovered, though still weak -and disconsolate. My nephew joining us in our walk, I informed -him of these circumstances, with which he was wonderfully -pleased. He declared he would promote the match to the utmost of -his power, and that he longed to embrace young Mr Dennison as his -friend and brother. -- Mean while, the father went to desire his -wife to communicate this discovery gradually to Liddy, that her -delicate nerves might not suffer too sudden a shock; and I -imparted the particulars to my sister Tabby, who expressed some -surprize, not altogether unmixed, I believe, with an emotion of -envy; for, though she could have no objection to an alliance at -once so honourable and advantageous, she hesitated in giving her -consent on pretence of the youth and inexperience of the parties: -at length, however, she acquiesced, in consequence of having -consulted with captain Lismahago. - -Mr Dennison took care to be in the way when his son arrived at -the gate, and, without giving him time or opportunity to make any -enquiry about the strangers, brought him up stairs to be -presented to Mr Loyd and his family -- The first person he saw when -he entered the room, was Liddy, who, notwithstanding all her -preparation, stood trembling in the utmost confusion -- At sight of -this object he was fixed motionless to the floor, and, gazing at -her with the utmost eagerness of astonishment, exclaimed, 'Sacred -heaven! what is this! -- ha! wherefore --' Here his speech failing, -he stood straining his eyes, in the most emphatic silence 'George -(said his father), this is my friend Mr Loyd.' Roused at this -intimation, he turned and received my salute, when I said, 'Young -gentleman, if you had trusted me with your secret at our last -meeting, we should have parted upon better terms.' Before he -could make any answer, Jery came round and stood before him with -open arms. -- At first, he started and changed colour; but after a -short pause, he rushed into his embrace, and they hugged one -another as if they had been intimate friends from their infancy: -then he payed his respects to Mrs Tabitha, and advancing to -Liddy, 'Is it possible, (cried he), that my senses do not play me -false! that I see Miss Melford under my father's roof -- that I am -permitted to speak to her without giving offence -- and that her -relations have honoured me with their countenance and -protection.' Liddy blushed, and trembled, and faltered -- 'To be -sure, sir (said she), it is a very surprising circumstance -- a -great -- a providential - -I really know not what I say -- but I beg -you will think I have said what's agreeable.' - -Mrs Dennison interposing said, 'Compose yourselves, my dear -children. -- Your mutual happiness shall be our peculiar care.' The -son going up to his mother, kissed one hand; my niece bathed the -other with her tears; and the good old lady pressed them both in -their turns to her breast. -- The lovers were too much affected to -get rid of their embarrassment for one day; but the scene was -much enlivened by the arrival of Jack Wilson, who brought, as -usual, some game of his own killing -- His honest countenance was a -good letter of recommendation. I received him like a dear friend -after a long separation; and I could not help wondering to see -him shake Jery by the hand as an old acquaintance -- They had, -indeed, been acquainted some days, in consequence of a diverting -incident, which I shall explain at meeting. That same night a -consultation was held upon the concerns of the lovers, when the -match was formally agreed to, and all the marriage articles were -settled without the least dispute. -- My nephew and I promised to -make Liddy's fortune five thousand pounds. Mr Dennison declared, -he would make over one half of his estate immediately to his son, -and that his daughter-in-law should be secured in a jointure of -four hundred -- Tabby proposed, that, considering their youth, they -should undergo one year at least, of probation before the -indissoluble knot should be tied; but the young gentleman being -very impatient and importunate, and the scheme implying that the -young couple should live in the house, under the wings of his -parents, we resolved to make them happy without further delay. - -As the law requires that the parties should be some weeks -resident in the parish, we shall stay here till the ceremony is -performed. -- Mr Lismahago requests that he may take the benefit of -the same occasion; so that next Sunday the banns will be -published for all four together. -- I doubt I shall not be able to -pass my Christmas with you at Brambleton-hall. -- Indeed, I am so -agreeably situated in this place, that I have no desire to shift -my quarters; and I foresee, that when the day of separation -comes, there will be abundance of sorrow on all sides. -- In the -mean time, we must make the most of those blessings which Heaven -bestows. -- Considering how you are tethered by your profession, I -cannot hope to see you so far from home; yet the distance does -not exceed a summer-day's journey, and Charles Dennison, who -desires to be remembered to you, would be rejoiced to see his old -compotator; but as I am now stationary, I expect regular answers -to the epistles of - -Yours invariably, -MATT. BRAMBLE -Oct. 11. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -Every day is now big with incident and discovery -- Young Mr -Dennison proves to be no other than that identical person whom I -have execrated so long, under the name of Wilson -- He had eloped -from college at Cambridge, to avoid a match that he detested, and -acted in different parts of the country as a stroller, until the -lady in question made choice of a husband for herself; then he -returned to his father, and disclosed his passion for Liddy, -which met with the approbation of his parents, though the father -little imagined that Mr Bramble was his old companion Matthew -Loyd. The young gentleman, being impowered to make honourable -proposals to my uncle and me, had been in search of us all over -England, without effect; and he it was whom I had seen pass on -horseback by the window of the inn, where I stood with my sister, -but he little dreamed that we were in the house -- As for the real -Mr Wilson, whom I called forth to combat, by mistake, he is the -neighbour and intimate friend of old Mr Dennison, and this -connexion had suggested to the son the idea of taking that name -while he remained in obscurity. - -You may easily conceive what pleasure I must have felt on -discovering that the honour of our family was in no danger from -the conduct of a sister whom I love with uncommon affection; -that, instead of debasing her sentiments and views to a wretched -stroller, she had really captivated the heart of a gentleman, her -equal in rank and superior in fortune; and that, as his parents -approved of his attachment, I was on the eve of acquiring a -brother-in-law so worthy of my friendship and esteem. George -Dennison is, without all question, one of the most accomplished -young fellows in England. His person is at once elegant and -manly, and his understanding highly cultivated. Tho' his spirit -is lofty, his heart is kind; and his manner so engaging, as to -command veneration and love, even from malice and indifference. -When I weigh my own character with his, I am ashamed to find -myself so light in the balance; but the comparison excites no -envy -- I propose him as a model for imitation -- I have endeavoured -to recommend myself to his friendship, and hope I have already -found a place in his affection. I am, however, mortified to -reflect what flagrant injustice we every day commit, and what -absurd judgment we form, in viewing objects through the -falsifying mediums of prejudice and passion. Had you asked me a -few days ago, the picture of Wilson the player, I should have -drawn a portrait very unlike the real person and character of -George Dennison. Without all doubt, the greatest advantage -acquired in travelling and perusing mankind in the original, is -that of dispelling those shameful clouds that darken the -faculties of the mind, preventing it from judging with candour -and precision. - -The real Wilson is a great original, and the best tempered, -companionable man I ever knew -- I question if ever he was angry or -low-spirited in his life. He makes no pretensions to letters; but -he is an adept in every thing else that can be either useful or -entertaining. Among other qualifications, he is a complete -sportsman, and counted the best shot in the county. He and -Dennison, and Lismahago and I, attended by Clinker, went a-shooting -yesterday, and made a great havock among the partridges -- -To-morrow we shall take the field against the woodcocks and -snipes. In the evening we dance and sing, or play at commerce, -loo, and quadrille. - -Mr Dennison is an elegant poet, and has written some detached -pieces on the subject of his passion for Liddy, which must be -very flattering to the vanity of a young woman -- Perhaps he is one -of the greatest theatrical geniuses that ever appeared. He -sometimes entertains us with reciting favourite speeches from our -best plays. We are resolved to convert the great hall into a -theatre, and get up the Beaux Stratagem without delay -- I think I -shall make no contemptible figure in the character of Scrub; and -Lismahago will be very great in Captain Gibbet. Wilson undertakes -to entertain the country people with Harlequin Skeleton, for -which he has got a jacket ready painted with his own hand. - -Our society is really enchanting. Even the severity of Lismahago -relaxes, and the vinegar of Mrs Tabby is remarkably dulcified, -ever since it was agreed that she should take precedency of her -niece in being first noosed: for, you must know, the day is fixed -for Liddy's marriage; and the banns for both couples have been -already once published in the parish church. The Captain -earnestly begged that one trouble might serve for all, and -Tabitha assented with a vile affectation of reluctance. Her -inamorato, who came hither very slenderly equipt, has sent for -his baggage to London, which, in all probability, will not arrive -in time for the wedding; but it is of no great consequence, as -every thing is to be transacted with the utmost privacy -- -Meanwhile, directions are given for making out the contracts of -marriage, which are very favourable for both females; Liddy will -be secured in a good jointure; and her aunt will remain mistress -of her own fortune, except one half of the interest, which her -husband shall have a right to enjoy for his natural life: I think -this is as little in conscience as can be done for a man who -yokes with such a partner for life. - -These expectants seem to be so happy, that if Mr Dennison had an -agreeable daughter, I believe I should be for making the third -couple in this country dance. The humour seems to be infectious; -for Clinker, alias Loyd, has a month's mind to play the fool, in -the same fashion, with Mrs Winifred Jenkins. He has even sounded -me on the subject; but I have given him no encouragement to -prosecute this scheme -- I told him I thought he might do better, -as there was no engagement nor promise subsisting; that I did not -know what designs my uncle might have formed for his advantage; -but I was of opinion, that he should not, at present, run the -risque of disobliging him by any premature application of this -nature -- Honest Humphry protested he would suffer death sooner -than do or say any thing that should give offence to the 'squire: -but he -owned he had a kindness for the young woman, and had reason to -think she looked upon him with a favourable eye; that he -considered this mutual manifestation of good will, as an -engagement understood, which ought to be binding to the -conscience of an honest man; and he hoped the 'squire and I would -be of the same opinion, when we should be at leisure to bestow -any thought about the matter -- I believe he is in the right; and -we shall find time to take his case into consideration -- You see -we are fixed for some weeks at least, and as you have had a long -respite, I hope you will begin immediately to discharge the -arrears due to - -Your affectionate, -J. MELFORD -Oct. 14. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR, DEAR LETTY, - -Never did I sit down to write in such agitation as I now feel -- In -the course of a few days, we have met with a number of incidents -so wonderful and interesting, that all my ideas are thrown into -confusion and perplexity -- You must not expect either method or -coherence in what I am going to relate -- my dearest Willis. Since -my last, the aspect of affairs is totally changed! -- and so -changed! but I would fain give you a regular detail -- In passing a -river about eight days ago, our coach was overturned, and some of -us narrowly escaped with life -- My uncle had well nigh perished. O -Heaven, I cannot reflect upon that circumstance without horror -- I -should have lost my best friend, my father and protector, but for -the resolution and activity of his servant Humphry Clinker, whom -Providence really seems to have placed near him for the necessity -of this occasion. -- I would not be thought superstitious; but -surely he acted from a stronger impulse than common fidelity. Was -it not the voice of nature that loudly called upon him to save -the life of his own father? for, 0 Letty, it was discovered that -Humphry Clinker was my uncle's natural son. - -Almost at the same instant, a gentleman, who came to offer us his -assistance, and invite us to his house, turned out to be a very -old friend of Mr Bramble. -- His name is Mr Dennison, one of the -worthiest men living; and his lady is a perfect saint upon earth. -They have an only son -- who do you think is this only son? -- O -Letty! -- O gracious heaven! how my heart palpitates, when I tell -you that this only son of Mr Dennison's, is that very identical -youth who, under the name of Wilson, has made such ravage in my -heart! -- Yes, my dear friend! Wilson and I are now lodged in the -same house, and converse together freely -- His father approves of -his sentiments in my favour; his mother loves me with all the -tenderness of a parent; my uncle, my aunt and my brother, no -longer oppose my inclinations -- On the contrary, they have agreed -to make us happy without delay; and in three weeks or a month, if -no unforeseen accident intervenes, your friend Lydia Melford, -will have changed her name and condition -- I say, if no accident -intervenes, because such a torrent of success makes me tremble! -- I -wish there may not be something treacherous in this sudden -reconciliation of fortune -- I have no merit -- I have no title to -such felicity. Far from enjoying the prospect that lies before -me, my mind is harrassed with a continued tumult, made up of -hopes and wishes, doubts and apprehensions -- I can neither eat nor -sleep, and my spirits are in perpetual flutter. -- I more than ever -feel that vacancy in my heart, which your presence alone can -fill. -- The mind, in every disquiet, seeks to repose itself on the -bosom of a friend; and this is such a trial as I really know not -how to support without your company and counsel -- I must, -therefore, dear Letty, put your friendship to the test -- I must -beg you will come and do the last offices of maidenhood to your -companion Lydia Melford. - -This letter goes inclosed in one to our worthy governess, from -Mrs Dennison, entreating her to interpose with your mamma, that -you may be allowed to favour us with your company on this -occasion; and I flatter myself that no material objection can be -made to our request. The distance from hence to Gloucester, does -not exceed one hundred miles, and the roads are good. -- Mr -Clinker, alias Loyd, shall be sent over to attend your motions -- -If you step into the post-chaise, with your maid Betty Barker, at -seven in the morning, you will arrive by four in the afternoon at -the half-way house, where there is good accommodation. There you -shall be met by my brother and myself, who will next day -conduct you to this place, where, I am sure, you will find -yourself perfectly at your case in the midst of an agreeable -society. -- Dear Letty, I will take no refusal -- if you have any -friendship -- any humanity -- you will come. -- I desire that immediate -application may be made to your mamma; and that the moment her -permission is obtained, you will apprise - -Your ever faithful, -LYDIA MELFORD -Oct. 14. - - - -To Mrs JERMYN, at her house in Gloucester. - -DEAR MADAM, - -Though I was not so fortunate as to be favoured with an answer to -the letter with which I troubled you in the spring, I still -flatter myself that you retain some regard for me and my -concerns. I am sure the care and tenderness with which I was -treated, under your roof and tuition, demand the warmest returns -of gratitude and affection on my part, and these sentiments, I -hope, I shall cherish to my dying day -- At present, I think it my -duty to make you acquainted with the happy issue of that -indiscretion by which I incurred your displeasure. - Ah! madam, the -slighted Wilson is metamorphosed into George Dennison, only son -and heir of a gentleman, whose character is second to none in -England, as you may understand upon inquiry. My guardian, my -brother and I, are now in his house; and an immediate union of -the two families is to take place in the persons of the young -gentleman and your poor Lydia Melford. -- You will easily conceive -how embarrassing this situation must be to a young inexperienced -creature like me, of weak nerves and strong apprehensions; and -how much the presence of a friend and confidant would encourage -and support me on this occasion. You know, that of all the young -ladies, Miss Willis was she that possessed the greatest share of -my confidence and affection; and, therefore, I fervently wish to -have the happiness of her company at this interesting crisis. - -Mrs Dennison, who is the object of universal love and esteem, -has, at my request, written to you on this subject, and I now beg -leave to reinforce her sollicitations. -- My dear Mrs Jermyn! my -ever honoured governess! let me conjure you by that fondness -which once distinguished your favourite Lydia! by that -benevolence of heart, which disposes you to promote the happiness -of your fellow-creatures in general! lend a favourable ear to my -petition, and use your influence with Letty's mamma, that my most -earnest desire may be gratified. Should I be indulged in this -particular, I will engage to return her safe, and even to -accompany her to Gloucester, where, if you will give me leave, I -will present to you, under another name, - -Dear Madam, -Your most affectionate -Humble servant, -And penitent, -LYDIA MELFORD -Oct. 14. - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -O MARY JONES! MARY JONES! - -I have met with so many axidents, suprisals, and terrifications, -that I am in a pafeck fantigo, and I believe I shall never be my -own self again. Last week I was dragged out of a river like a -drowned rat, and lost a bran-new night-cap, with a sulfer -stayhook, that cost me a good half-a-crown, and an odd shoe of -green gallow monkey; besides wetting my cloaths and taring my -smuck, and an ugly gash made in the back part of my thy, by the -stump of a tree -- To be sure Mr Clinker tuck me out of the cox; -but he left me on my back in the water, to go to the 'squire; and -I mought have had a watry grave, if a millar had not brought me -to the dry land -- But, O! what choppings and changes girl -- The -player man that came after Miss Liddy, and frightened me with a -beard at Bristol Well, is now matthew-murphy'd into a fine young -gentleman, son and hare of 'squire Dollison -- We are all together -in the same house, and all parties have agreed to the match, and -in a fortnite the surrymony will be performed. - -But this is not the only wedding we are to have -- Mistriss is -resolved to have the same frolick, in the naam of God! Last -Sunday in the parish crutch, if my own ars may be trusted, the -clerk called the banes of marridge betwixt Opaniah Lashmeheygo, -and Tapitha Brample, spinster; he mought as well have called her -inkle-weaver, for she never spun and hank of yarn in her life -- -Young 'squire Dollison and Miss Liddy make the second kipple; and -there might have been a turd, but times are changed with Mr -Clinker -- O Molly! what do'st think? Mr Clinker is found to be a -pye-blow of our own 'squire, and his rite naam is Mr Matthew Loyd -(thof God he nose how that can be); and he is now out of livery, -and wares ruffles -- but I new him when he was out at elbows, and -had not a rag to kiver his pistereroes; so he need not hold his -head so high -- He is for sartin very umble and compleasant, and -purtests as how he has the same regard as before; but that he is -no longer his own master, and cannot portend to marry without the -'squire's consent -- He says he must wait with patience, and trust -to Providence, and such nonsense -- But if so be as how his regard -be the same, why stand shilly shally? Why not strike while the -iron is hot, and speak to the 'squire without loss of time? What -subjection can the 'squire make to our coming together -- Thof my -father wan't a gentleman, my mother was an honest woman -- I didn't -come on the wrong side of the blanket, girl -- My parents were -marred according to the right of holy mother crutch, in the face -of men and angles -- Mark that, Mary Jones. - -Mr Clinker (Loyd I would say) had best look to his tackle. There -be other chaps in the market, as the saying is -- What would he say -if I should except the soot and sarvice of the young squire's -valley? Mr Machappy is a gentleman born, and has been abroad in -the wars -- He has a world of buck larning, and speaks French, and -Ditch, and Scotch, and all manner of outlandish lingos; to be -sure he's a little the worse for the ware, and is much given to -drink; but then he's good-tempered in his liquor, and a prudent -woman mought wind him about her finger -- But I have no thoughts of -him, I'll assure you -- I scorn for to do, or to say, or to think -any thing that mought give unbreech to Mr Loyd, without furder -occasion -- But then I have such vapours, Molly I sit and cry by -myself, and take ass of etida, and smill to burnt fathers, and -kindal-snuffs; and I pray constantly for grease, that I may have -a glimpse of the new-light, to shew me the way through this -wretched veil of tares. And yet, I want for nothing in this family -of love, where every sole is so kind and so courteous, that wan -would think they are so many saints in haven. Dear Molly, I -recommend myself to your prayers, being, with my sarvice to Saul, - -your ever loving, -and discounselled friend, -WIN. JENKINS -Oct. 14. - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -You cannot imagine what pleasure I have in seeing your hand-writing, -after such a long cessation on your side of our -correspondence -- Yet, Heaven knows, I have often seen your -hand-writing with disgust -- I mean, when it appeared in abbreviations -of apothecary's Latin -- I like your hint of making interest for -the reversion of the collector's place, for Mr Lismahago, who is -much pleased with the scheme, and presents you with his -compliments and best thanks for thinking so kindly of his -concerns -- The man seems to mend, upon further acquaintance. That -harsh reserve, which formed a disagreeable husk about his -character, begins to peel off in the course of our communication -- -I have great hopes that he and Tabby will be as happily paired -as any two draught animals in the kingdom; and I make no doubt -but that he will prove a valuable acquisition to our little -society, in the article of conversation, by the fire-side in -winter. - -Your objection to my passing this season of the year at such a -distance from home, would have more weight if I did not find -myself perfectly at my ease where I am; and my health so much -improved, that I am disposed to bid defiance to gout and -rheumatism -- I begin to think I have put myself on the -superannuated list too soon, and absurdly sought for health in -the retreats of laziness -- I am persuaded that all valetudinarians -are too sedentary, too regular, and too cautious -- We should -sometimes increase the motion of the machine, to unclog the -wheels of life; and now and then take a plunge amidst the waves -of excess, in order to caseharden the constitution. I have even -found a change of company -as necessary as a change of air, to promote a vigorous -circulation of the spirits, which is the very essence and -criterion of good health. - -Since my last, I have been performing the duties of friendship, -that required a great deal of exercise, from which I hope to -derive some benefit -- Understanding, by the greatest accident in -the world, that Mr Baynard's wife was dangerously ill of a -pleuritic fever, I borrowed Dennison's post-chaise, and went -across the country to his habitation, attended only by Loyd -(quondam Clinker) on horseback. -- As the distance is not above -thirty miles, I arrived about four in the afternoon, and meeting -the physician at the door, was informed that his patient had just -expired. -- I was instantly seized with a violent emotion, but it -was not grief. -- The family being in confusion, I ran up stairs -into the chamber, where, indeed, they were all assembled. -- The -aunt stood wringing her hands in a kind of stupefaction of -sorrow, but my friend acted all the extravagancies of affliction -- -He held the body in his arms, and poured forth such a -lamentation, that one would have thought he had lost the most -amiable consort and valuable companion upon earth. - -Affection may certainly exist independent of esteem; nay, the -same object may be lovely in one respect, and detestable in -another -- The mind has a surprising faculty of accommodating, and -even attaching itself, in such a manner, by dint of use, to -things that are in their own nature disagreeable, and even -pernicious, that it cannot bear to be delivered from them without -reluctance and regret. Baynard was so absorbed in his delirium, -that he did not perceive me when I entered, and desired one of -the women to conduct the aunt into her own chamber. -- At the same -time I begged the tutor to withdraw the boy, who stood gaping in -a corner, very little affected with the distress of the scene. -- -These steps being taken, I waited till the first violence of my -friend's transport was abated, then disengaged him gently from -the melancholy object, and led him by the hand into another -apartment; though he struggled so hard, that I was obliged to -have recourse to the assistance of his valet de chambre -- In a few -minutes, however, he recollected himself, and folding me in his -arms, 'This (cried he), is a friendly office, indeed! -- I know not -how you came hither; but, I think, Heaven sent you to prevent my -going distracted -- O Matthew! I have lost my dear Harriet! -- my -poor, gentle, tender creature, that loved me with such warmth and -purity of affection -- my constant companion of twenty years! She's -gone -- she's gone for ever! -- Heaven and earth! where is she? -- -Death shall not part us!' - -So saying, he started up, and could hardly be with-held from -returning to the scene we had quitted -- You will perceive it would -have been very absurd for me to argue with a man that talked so -madly. -- On all such occasions, the first torrent of passion must -be allowed to subside gradually. -- I endeavoured to beguile his -attention by starting little hints and insinuating other objects -of discourse imperceptibly; and being exceedingly pleased in my -own mind at this event, I exerted myself with such an -extraordinary flow of spirits as was attended with success. -- In a -few hours, he was calm enough to hear reason, and even to own -that Heaven could not have interposed more effectually to rescue -him from disgrace and ruin. -- That he might not, however, relapse -into weaknesses for want of company, I passed the night in his -chamber, in a little tent bed brought thither on purpose; and -well it was I took this precaution, for he started up in bed -several times, and would have played the fool, if I had not been -present. - -Next day he was in a condition to talk of business, and vested me -with full authority over his household, which I began to exercise -without loss of time, tho' not before he knew and approved of the -scheme I had projected for his advantage. -- He would have quitted -the house immediately; but this retreat I opposed. -- Far from -encouraging a temporary disgust, which might degenerate into an -habitual aversion, I resolved, if possible, to attach him more -than ever to his Houshold Gods. -- I gave directions for the -funeral to be as private as was consistant with decency; I wrote -to London, that an inventory and estimate might be made of the -furniture and effects in his town-house, and gave notice to the -landlord, that Mr Baynard should quit the premises at Lady-day; I -set a person at work to take account of every thing in the -country-house, including horses, carriages, and harness; I -settled the young gentleman at a boarding-school, kept by a -clergyman in the neighbourhood, and thither he went without -reluctance, as soon as he knew that he was to be troubled no more -with his tutor, whom we dismissed. The aunt continued very -sullen, and never appeared at table, though Mr Baynard payed his -respects to her every day in her own chamber; there also she held -conferences with the waiting-women and other servants of the -family: but, the moment her niece was interred, she went away in -a post-chaise prepared for that purpose: she did not leave the -house, however, without giving Mr Baynard to understand, that the -wardrobe of her niece was the perquisite of her woman; -accordingly that worthless drab received all the clothes, laces, -and linen of her deceased mistress, to the value of five hundred -pounds, at a moderate computation. - -The next step I took was to disband that legion of supernumerary -domestics, who had preyed so long upon the vitals of my friend:, -a parcel of idle drones, so intolerably insolent, that they even -treated their own master with the most contemptuous neglect. They -had been generally hired by his wife, according to the -recommendation of her woman, and these were the only patrons to -whom they payed the least deference. I had therefore uncommon -satisfaction in clearing the house of these vermin. The woman of -the deceased, and a chambermaid, a valet de chambre, a butler, a -French cook, a master gardener, two footmen and a coachman, I -payed off, and turned out of the house immediately, paying to -each a month's wages in lieu of warning. Those whom I retained, -consisted of the female cook, who had been assistant to the -Frenchman, a house maid, an old lacquey, a postilion, and -under-gardener. Thus I removed at once a huge mountain of expence and -care from the shoulders of my friend, who could hardly believe -the evidence of his own senses, when he found himself so suddenly -and so effectually relieved. His heart, however, was still -subject to vibrations of tenderness, which returned at certain -intervals, extorting sighs, and tears, and exclamations of grief -and impatience: but these fits grew every day less violent and -less frequent, 'till at length his reason obtained a complete -victory over the infirmities of his nature. - -Upon an accurate enquiry into the state of his affairs, I find -his debts amount to twenty thousand pounds, for eighteen thousand -pounds of which sum his estate is mortgaged; and as he pays five -per cent. interest, and some of his farms are unoccupied, he does -not receive above two hundred pounds a year clear from his lands, -over and above the interest of his wife's fortune, which produced -eight hundred pounds annually. For lightening this heavy burthen, -I devised the following expedient. His wife's jewels, together -with his superfluous plate and furniture in both houses, his -horses and carriages, which are already advertised to be sold by -auction, will, according to the estimate, produce two thousand -five hundred pounds in ready money, with which the debt will be -immediately reduced to eighteen thousand pounds -- I have -undertaken to find him ten thousand pounds at four per cent. by -which means he will save one hundred a-year in the article of -interest, and perhaps we shall be able to borrow the other eight -thousand on the same terms. According to his own scheme of a -country life, he says he can live comfortably for three hundred -pounds a-year; but, as he has a son to educate, we will allow him -five hundred; then there will be an accumulating fund of seven -hundred a-year, principal and interest, to pay off the -incumbrance; and, I think, we may modestly add three hundred, on -the presumption of new-leasing and improving the vacant farms: so -that, in a couple of years, I suppose there will be above a -thousand a-year appropriated to liquidate a debt of sixteen -thousand. - -We forthwith began to class and set apart the articles designed -for sale, under the direction of an upholder from London; and, -that nobody in the house might be idle, commenced our reformation -without doors, as well as within. With Baynard's good leave, I -ordered the gardener to turn the rivulet into its old channel, to -refresh the fainting Naiads, who had so long languished among -mouldring roots, withered leaves, and dry pebbles -- The shrubbery -is condemned to extirpation; and the pleasure ground will be -restored to its original use of corn-field and pasture -- Orders -are given for rebuilding the walls of the garden at the back of -the house, and for planting clumps of firs, intermingled with -beech and chestnut, at the east end, which is now quite exposed -to the surly blasts that come from that quarter. All these works -being actually begun, and the house and auction left to the care -and management of a reputable attorney, I brought Baynard along -with me in the chaise, and made him acquainted with Dennison, -whose goodness of heart would not fail to engage his esteem and -affection. -- He is indeed charmed with our society in general, and -declares that he never saw the theory of true pleasure reduced to -practice before. I really believe it would not be an easy task to -find such a number of individuals assembled under one roof, more -happy than we are at present. - -I must tell you, however, in confidence, I suspect Tabby of -tergiversation. -- I have been so long accustomed to that original, -that I know all the caprices of her heart, and can often perceive -her designs while they are yet in embrio -- She attached herself to -Lismahago for no other reason but that she despaired of making a -more agreeable conquest. At present, if I am not much mistaken in -my observation, she would gladly convert the widowhood of Baynard -to her own advantage. -- Since he arrived, she has behaved very -coldly to the captain, and strove to fasten on the other's heart, -with the hooks of overstrained civility. These must be the -instinctive efforts of her constitution, rather than the effects -of any deliberate design; for matters are carried to such a -length with the lieutenant, that she could not retract with any -regard to conscience or reputation. Besides, she will meet with -nothing but indifference or aversion on the side of Baynard, who -has too much sense to think of such a partner at any time, and -too much delicacy to admit a thought of any such connexion at the -present juncture -- Meanwhile, I have prevailed upon her to let him -have four thousand pounds at four per cent towards paying off his -mortage. Young Dennison has agreed that Liddy's fortune shall be -appropriated to the same purpose, on the same terms. -- His father -will sell out three thousand pounds stock for his accommodation. -- -Farmer Bland has, at the desire of Wilson, undertaken for two -thousand; and I must make an effort to advance what further will -be required to take my friend out of the hands of the -Philistines. He is so pleased with the improvements made on his -estate, which is all cultivated like a garden, that he has -entered himself as a pupil in farming to Mr Dennison, and -resolved to attach himself wholly to the practice of husbandry. - -Every thing is now prepared for our double wedding. The -marriage-articles for both couples are drawn and executed; and the -ceremony only waits until the parties shall have been resident in -the parish the term prescribed by law. Young Dennison betrays -some symptoms of impatience; but, Lismahago bears this necessary -delay with the temper of a philosopher. -- You must know, the -captain does not stand altogether on the foundation of personal -merit. Besides his half-pay, amounting to two and forty pounds a -year, this indefatigable oeconomist has amassed eight hundred -pounds, which he has secured in the funds. This sum arises partly -from his pay's running up while he remained among the Indians; -partly from what he received as a consideration for the -difference between his full appointment and the half-pay, to -which he is now restricted; and partly from the profits of a -little traffick he drove in peltry, during his sachemship among -the Miamis. - -Liddy's fears and perplexities have been much assuaged by the -company of one Miss Willis, who had been her intimate companion -at the boarding-school. Her parents had been earnestly sollicited -to allow her making this friendly visit on such an extraordinary -occasion; and two days ago she arrived with her mother, who did -not chuse that she should come without a proper gouvernante. The -young lady is very sprightly, handsome, and agreeable, and the -mother a mighty good sort of a woman; so that their coming adds -considerably to our enjoyment. But we shall have a third couple -yoked in the matrimonial chain. Mr Clinker Loyd has made humble -remonstrance through the canal of my nephew, setting forth the -sincere love and affection mutually subsisting between him and -Mrs Winifred Jenkins, and praying my consent to their coming -together for life. I would have wished that Mr Clinker had kept -out of this scrape; but as the nymph's happiness is at stake, and -she has already some fits in the way of despondence, I, in order -to prevent any tragical catastrophe, have given him leave to play -the fool, in imitation of his betters; and I suppose we shall in -time have a whole litter of his progeny at Brambleton-hall. The -fellow is stout and lusty, very sober and conscientious; and the -wench seems to be as great an enthusiast in love as in religion. - -I wish you would think of employing him some other way, that the -parish may not be overstocked -- you know he has been bred a -farrier, consequently belongs to the faculty; and as he is very -docile, I make no doubt but, with your good instruction, he may -be, in a little time, qualified to act as a Welch apothecary. -Tabby, who never did a favour with a good grace, has consented, -with great reluctance, to this match. Perhaps it hurts her pride, -as she now considers Clinker in the light of a relation; but, I -believe, her objections are of a more selfish nature. She -declares she cannot think of retaining the wife of Matthew Loyd -in the character of a servant; and she foresees, that on such an -occasion the woman will expect some gratification for her past -services. As for Clinker, exclusive of other considerations, he -is so trusty, brave, affectionate, and alert, and I owe him such -personal obligations, that he merits more than all the indulgence -that can possibly be shewn him, by - -Yours, -MATT. BRAMBLE -Oct. 26. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -The fatal knots are now tied. The comedy is near a close; and the -curtain is ready to drop: but, the latter scenes of this act I -shall recapitulate in order -- About a fortnight ago, my uncle made -an excursion across the country, and brought hither a particular -friend, one Mr Baynard, who has just lost his wife, and was for -some time disconsolate, though by all accounts he had much more -cause for joy than for sorrow at this event. -- His countenance, -however, clears up apace; and he appears to be a person of rare -accomplishments. -- But, we have received another still more -agreeable reinforcement to our company, by the arrival of Miss -Willis from Gloucester. She was Liddy's bosom friend at the -boarding-school, and being earnestly sollicited to assist at the -nuptials, her mother was so obliging as to grant my sister's -request, and even to come with her in person. Liddy, accompanied -by George Dennison and me, gave them the meeting halfway, and -next day conducted them hither in safety. Miss Willis is a -charming girl, and, in point of disposition, an agreeable -contrast to my sister, who is rather too grave and sentimental -for my turn of mind. The other is gay, frank, a little giddy, and -always good-humoured. She has, moreover, a genteel fortune, is -well born, and remarkably handsome. Ah Phillips! if these -qualities were permanent -- if her humour would never change, nor -her beauties decay, what efforts would I not make -- But these are -idle reflections -- my destiny must one day be fulfilled. - -At present we pass the time as agreeably as we can. -- We have got -up several farces, which afforded unspeakable entertainment by -the effects they produced among the country people, who are -admitted to all our exhibitions. -- Two nights ago, Jack Wilson -acquired great applause in Harlequin Skeleton, and Lismahago -surprised us all in the character of Pierot. -- His long lank -sides, and strong marked features, were all peculiarly adapted to -his part. -- He appeared with a ludicrous stare, from which he had -discharged all meaning: he adopted the impressions of fear and -amazement so naturally, that many of the audience were infected -by his looks; but when the skeleton held him in chace his horror -became most divertingly picturesque, and seemed to endow him with -such praeternatural agility as confounded all the spectators. It -was a lively representation of Death in pursuit of Consumption, -and had such an effect upon the commonalty, that some of them -shrieked aloud, and others ran out of the hall in the utmost -consternation. - -This is not the only instance in which the lieutenant has lately -excited our wonder. His temper, which had been soured and -shrivelled by disappointment and chagrin, is now swelled out, and -smoothed like a raisin in plumb-porridge. From being reserved and -punctilious, he is become easy and obliging. He cracks jokes, -laughs and banters, with the most facetious familiarity; and, in -a word, enters into all our schemes of merriment and pastime -- The -other day his baggage arrived in the waggon from London, -contained in two large trunks and a long deal box not unlike a -coffin. The trunks were filled with his wardrobe, which he -displayed for the entertainment of the company, and he freely -owned, that it consisted chiefly of the opima spolia taken in -battle. What he selected for his wedding suit, was a tarnished -white cloth faced with blue velvet, embroidered with silver; but, -he valued himself most upon a tye-periwig, in which he had made -his first appearance as a lawyer above thirty years ago. This -machine had been in buckle ever since, and now all the servants -in the family were employed to frizz it out for the occasion, -which was yesterday celebrated at the parish church. George -Dennison and his bride were distinguished by nothing -extraordinary in their apparel. His eyes lightened with eagerness -and joy, and she trembled with coyness and confusion. My uncle -gave her away, and her friend Willis supported her during the -ceremony. - -But my aunt and her paramour took the pas, and formed, indeed, -such a pair of originals, as, I believe all England could not -parallel. She was dressed in the stile of 1739; and the day being -cold, put on a manteel of green velvet laced with gold: but this -was taken off by the bridegroom, who threw over her shoulders a -fur cloak of American sables, valued at fourscore guineas, a -present equally agreeable and unexpected. Thus accoutred, she was -led up to the altar by Mr Dennison, who did the office of her -father: Lismahago advanced in the military step with his French -coat reaching no farther than the middle of his thigh, his -campaign wig that surpasses all description, and a languishing -leer upon his countenance, in which there seemed to be something -arch and ironical. The ring, which he put upon her finger, he had -concealed till the moment it was used. He now produced it with an -air of self-complacency. It was a curious antique, set with rose -diamonds: he told us afterwards, it had been in the family two -hundred years and was a present from his grand-mother. These -circumstances agreeably flattered the pride of our aunt Tabitha, -which had already found uncommon gratification in the captain's -generosity; for he had, in the morning, presented my uncle with a -fine bear's skin, and a Spanish fowling-piece, and me with a case -of pistols curiously mounted with silver. At the same time he -gave Mrs Jenkins an Indian purse, made of silk grass, containing -twenty crown pieces. You must know, this young lady, with the -assistance of Mr Loyd, formed the third couple who yesterday -sacrificed to Hymen. I wrote to you in my last, that he had -recourse to my mediation, which I employed successfully with my -uncle; but Mrs Tabitha held out 'till the love-sick Jenkins had -two fits of the mother; then she relented, and those two cooing -turtles were caged for life -- Our aunt made an effort of -generosity in furnishing the bride with her superfluities of -clothes and linen, and her example was followed by my sister; -nor did Mr Bramble and I neglect her on this occasion. It was, -indeed, a day of peace-offering. -- Mr Dennison insisted upon -Liddy's accepting two bank notes of one hundred pounds each, as -pocket-money; and his lady gave her a diamond necklace of double -that value. There was, besides, a mutual exchange of tokens among -the individuals of the two families thus happily united. - -As George Dennison and his partner were judged improper objects -of mirth, Jack Wilson had resolved to execute some jokes on -Lismahago, and after supper began to ply him with bumpers, when -the ladies had retired; but the captain perceiving his drift, -begged for quarter, alledging that the adventure, in which he had -engaged, was a very serious matter; and that it would be more the -part of a good Christian to pray that he might be strengthened, -than to impede his endeavours to finish the adventure. -- He was -spared accordingly, and permitted to ascend the nuptial couch -with all his senses about him. -- There he and his consort sat in -state, like Saturn and Cybele, while the benediction posset was -drank; and a cake being broken over the head of Mrs Tabitha -Lismahago, the fragments were distributed among the bystanders, -according to the custom of the antient Britons, on the -supposition that every person who eat of this hallowed cake, -should that night have a vision of the man or woman whom Heaven -designed should be his or her wedded mate. - -The weight of Wilson's waggery fell upon honest Humphry and his -spouse, who were bedded in an upper room, with the usual ceremony -of throwing the stocking. -- This being performed, and the company -withdrawn, a sort of catterwauling ensued, when Jack found means -to introduce a real cat shod with walnut-shells, which galloping -along the boards, made such a dreadful noise as effectually -discomposed our lovers. -- Winifred screamed aloud, and shrunk -under the bed-cloaths -- Mr Loyd, believing that Satan was come to -buffet him in propria persona, laid aside all carnal thoughts, -and began to pray aloud with great fervency. -- At length, the poor -animal, being more afraid than either, leaped into the bed, and -meauled with the most piteous exclamation. -- Loyd, thus informed -of the nature of the annoyance, rose and set the door wide open, -so that this troublesome visitant retreated with great -expedition; then securing himself, by means of a double bolt, -from a second intrusion, he was left to enjoy his good fortune -without further disturbance. - -If one may judge from the looks of the parties, they are all very -well satisfied with what has passed -- George Dennison and his wife -are too delicate to exhibit any strong marked signs of their -mutual satisfaction, but their eyes are sufficiently expressive -- -Mrs Tabitha Lismahago is rather fulsome in signifying her -approbation of the captain's love; while his deportment is the -very pink of gallantry. -- He sighs, and ogles, and languishes at -this amiable object; he kisses her hand, mutters ejaculations of -rapture, and sings tender airs; and, no doubt, laughs internally -at her folly in believing him sincere. -- In order to shew how -little his vigour was impaired by the fatigues of the preceding -day, he this morning danced a Highland sarabrand over a naked -back-sword, and leaped so high, that I believe he would make no -contemptible figure as a vaulter at Sadler's Wells. -- Mr Matthew -Loyd, when asked how he relished his bargain, throws up his eyes, -crying, 'For what we have received, Lord make us thankful: -amen.' -- His helpmate giggles, and holds her hand before her eyes, -affecting to be ashamed of having been in bed with a man. -- Thus -all these widgeons enjoy the novelty of their situation; but, -perhaps their notes will be changed, when they are better -acquainted with the nature of the decoy. - -As Mrs Willis cannot be persuaded to stay, and Liddy is engaged -by promise to accompany her daughter back to Gloucester, I fancy -there will be a general migration from hence, and that most of us -will spend the Christmas holidays at Bath; in which case, I shall -certainly find an opportunity to beat up your quarters. -- By this -time, I suppose, you are sick of alma mater, and even ready to -execute that scheme of peregrination, which was last year -concerted between you and - -Your affectionate -J. MELFORD -Nov. 8. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -My niece Liddy is now happily settled for life; and captain -Lismahago has taken Tabby off my hands; so that I have nothing -further to do, but to comfort my friend Baynard, and provide for -my son Loyd, who is also fairly joined to Mrs Winifred Jenkins. -You are an excellent genius at hints. -- Dr Arbuthnot was but a -type of Dr Lewis in that respect. What you observe of the vestry-clerk -deserves consideration. -- I make no doubt but Matthew Loyd -is well enough qualified for the office; but, at present, you -must find room for him in the house. -- His incorruptible honesty -and indefatigable care will be serviceable in superintending the -oeconomy of my farm; tho' I don't mean that he shall interfere -with Barns, of whom I have no cause to complain. -- I am just -returned with Baynard, from a second trip to his house, where -every thing is regulated to his satisfaction. -- He could not, -however, review the apartments without tears and lamentation, so -that he is not yet in a condition to be left alone; therefore I -will not part with him till the spring, when he intends to plunge -into the avocations of husbandry, which will at once employ and -amuse his attention. -- Charles Dennison has promised to stay with -him a fortnight, to set him fairly afloat in his improvements; -and Jack Wilson will see him from time to time; besides, he has a -few friends in the country, whom his new plan of life will not -exclude from his society. -- In less than a year, I make no doubt, -but he will find himself perfectly at ease both in his mind and -body, for the one had dangerously affected the other; and I shall -enjoy the exquisite pleasure of seeing my friend rescued from -misery and contempt. - -Mrs Willis being determined to return with her daughter, in a few -days, to Gloucester, our plan has undergone some alteration. Jery -has persuaded his brother-in-law to carry his wife to Bath; and I -believe his parents will accompany him thither. -- For my part, I -have no intention to take that route. -- It must be something very -extraordinary that will induce me to revisit either Bath or -London. -- My sister and her husband, Baynard and I, will take -leave of them at Gloucester, and make the best of our way to -Brambleton hall, where I desire you will prepare a good chine and -turkey for our Christmas dinner. -- You must also employ your -medical skill in defending me from the attacks of the gout, that -I may be in good case to receive the rest of our company, who -promise to visit us in their return from the Bath. -- As I have -laid in a considerable stock of health, it is to be hoped you -will not have much trouble with me in the way of physic, but I -intend to work you on the side of exercise. -- I have got an -excellent fowling-piece from Mr Lismahago, who is a keen -sportsman, and we shall take the heath in all weathers. -- That -this scheme of life may be prosecuted the more effectually, I -intend to renounce all sedentary amusements, particularly that of -writing long letters; a resolution, which, had I taken it sooner, -might have saved you the trouble which you have lately taken in -reading the tedious epistles of - -MATT. BRAMBLE -NOV. 20. - - - -To Mrs GWYLLIM, at Brambleton-hall. - -GOOD MRS GWYLLIM, - -Heaven, for wise porpuses, hath ordained that I should change my -name and citation in life, so that I am not to be considered any -more as manager of my brother's family; but as I cannot surrender -up my stewardship till I have settled with you and Williams, I -desire you will get your accunts ready for inspection, as we are -coming home without further delay. -- My spouse, the captain, being -subject to rummaticks, I beg you will take great care to have the -blew chamber, up two pair of stairs, well warmed for his -reception. -- Let the sashes be secured, the crevices stopt, the -carpets laid, and the beds well tousled. -- Mrs Loyd, late Jenkins, -being married to a relation of the family, cannot remain in the -capacity of a sarvant; therefore, I wish you would cast about for -some creditable body to be with me in her room -- If she can spin, -and is mistress of plain-work, so much the better -- but she must -not expect extravagant wages -- having a family of my own, I must -be more occumenical than ever. No more at present, but rests - -Your loving friend, -TAB. LISMAHAGO -NOV. 20. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -MRS JONES, - -Providinch hath bin pleased to make great halteration in the -pasture of our affairs. -- We were yesterday three kiple chined, by -the grease of God, in the holy bands of mattermoney, and I now -subscrive myself Loyd at your sarvice. -- All the parish allowed -that young 'squire Dallison and his bride was a comely pear for -to see. -- As for madam Lashtniheygo, you nose her picklearities -- -her head, to be sure, was fintastical; and her spouse had rapt -her with a long marokin furze cloak from the land of the -selvidges, thof they say it is of immense bally. -- The captain -himself had a huge hassock of air, with three tails, and a tum- -tawdry coat, boddered with sulfur. -- Wan said he was a monkey-bank; -and the ould bottler swore he was the born imich of -Titidall. -- For my part, I says nothing, being as how the captain -has done the handsome thing by me. -- Mr Loyd was dressed in a lite -frog, and checket with gould binding; and thof he don't enter in -caparison with great folks of quality, yet he has got as good -blood in his veins as arrow privat 'squire in the county; and -then his pursing is far from contentible. -- Your humble sarvant -had on a plain pea-green tabby sack, with my Runnela cap, ruff -toupee, and side curls. -- They said, I was the very moral of lady -Rickmanstone, but not so pale -- that may well be, for her ladyship -is my elder by seven good years and more. -- Now, Mrs Mary, our -satiety is to suppurate -- Mr Millfart goes to Bath along with the -Dallisons, and the rest of us push home to Wales, to pass our -Chrishmarsh at Brampleton-hall -- As our apartments is to be the -yallow pepper, in the thurd story, pray carry my things thither. -- -Present my cumpliments to Mrs Gwyllim, and I hope she and I will -live upon dissent terms of civility. -- Being, by God's blessing, -removed to a higher spear, you'll excuse my being familiar with -the lower sarvants of the family; but, as I trust you'll behave -respectful, and keep a proper distance, you may always depend -upon the good will and purtection of - -Yours, -W. LOYD -Nov. 20. - -FINIS. - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Expedition of Humphry Clinker, by Smollett - diff --git a/old/2000-04-txohc10.zip b/old/2000-04-txohc10.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 023725e..0000000 --- a/old/2000-04-txohc10.zip +++ /dev/null |