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diff --git a/2160-0.zip b/2160-0.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index aea1d63..0000000 --- a/2160-0.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/2160-h.zip b/2160-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 890f8da..0000000 --- a/2160-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/2160.txt b/2160.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 62fa215..0000000 --- a/2160.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,14085 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg's The Expedition of Humphry Clinker, by Tobias Smollett - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org - - -Title: The Expedition of Humphry Clinker - -Author: Tobias Smollett - -Release Date: April, 2000 [EBook #2160] -Last Updated: July 25, 2012 - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER *** - - - - -Produced by Martin Adamson and Andreas Philipp - - - - - - -THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER - -by TOBIAS SMOLLETT - - - - -To Mr HENRY DAVIS, Bookseller, in London. - -ABERGAVENNY, Aug. 4. - -RESPECTED SIR, - -I have received your esteemed favour of the 13th ultimo, whereby it -appeareth, that you have perused those same Letters, the which were -delivered unto you by my friend, the reverend Mr Hugo Behn; and I am -pleased to find you think they may be printed with a good prospect of -success; in as much as the objections you mention, I humbly conceive, -are such as may be redargued, if not entirely removed--And, first, in -the first place, as touching what prosecutions may arise from printing -the private correspondence of persons still living, give me leave, with -all due submission, to observe, that the Letters in question were not -written and sent under the seal of secrecy; that they have no tendency -to the mala fama, or prejudice of any person whatsoever; but rather to -the information and edification of mankind: so that it becometh a sort -of duty to promulgate them in usum publicum. Besides, I have consulted -Mr Davy Higgins, an eminent attorney of this place, who, after due -inspection and consideration, declareth, That he doth not think the said -Letters contain any matter which will be held actionable in the eye of -the law. Finally, if you and I should come to a right understanding, I -do declare in verbo sacerdotis, that, in case of any such prosecution, -I will take the whole upon my own shoulders, even quoad fine and -imprisonment, though, I must confess, I should not care to undergo -flagellation: Tam ad turpitudinem, quam ad amaritudinem poenoe -spectans--Secondly, concerning the personal resentment of Mr Justice -Lismahago, I may say, non flocci facio--I would not willingly vilipend -any Christian, if, peradventure, he deserveth that epithet: albeit, I -am much surprised that more care is not taken to exclude from the -commission all such vagrant foreigners as may be justly suspected of -disaffection to our happy constitution, in church and state--God forbid -that I should be so uncharitable, as to affirm, positively, that the -said Lismahago is no better than a Jesuit in disguise; but this I will -assert and maintain, totis viribus, that, from the day he qualified, he -has never been once seen intra templi parietes, that is to say, within -the parish church. - -Thirdly, with respect to what passed at Mr Kendal's table, when the said -Lismahago was so brutal in his reprehensions, I must inform you, my good -Sir, that I was obliged to retire, not by fear arising from his minatory -reproaches, which, as I said above, I value not of a rush; but from the -sudden effect produced, by a barbel's row, which I had eaten at -dinner, not knowing, that the said row is at certain seasons violently -cathartic, as Galen observeth in his chapter Peri ichtos. - -Fourthly, and lastly, with reference to the manner in which I got -possession of these Letters, it is a circumstance that concerns my own -conscience only; sufficeth it to say, I have fully satisfied the parties -in whose custody they were; and, by this time, I hope I have also -satisfied you in such ways, that the last hand may be put to our -agreement, and the work proceed with all convenient expedition; in which -I hope I rest, - -Respected Sir, Your very humble servant, - -JONATHAN DUSTWICH. - -P.S. I propose, Deo volente, to have the pleasure of seeing you in the -great city, towards All-hallowtide, when I shall be glad to treat with -you concerning a parcel of MS. sermons, of a certain clergyman deceased; -a cake of the right leaven, for the present taste of the public. Verbum -sapienti, &c. - -J.D. - - - - -To the Revd. Mr JONATHAN DUSTWICH, at-- - -SIR, - -I received yours in course of post, and shall be glad to treat with you -for the M.S. which I have delivered to your friend Mr Behn; but can -by no means comply with the terms proposed. Those things are so -uncertain--Writing is all a lottery--I have been a loser by the works -of the greatest men of the age--I could mention particulars, and name -names; but don't choose it--The taste of the town is so changeable. -Then there have been so many letters upon travels lately published--What -between Smollett's, Sharp's, Derrick's, Thicknesse's, Baltimore's, and -Baretti's, together with Shandy's Sentimental Travels, the public seems -to be cloyed with that kind of entertainment--Nevertheless, I will, -if you please, run the risque of printing and publishing, and you shall -have half the profits of the impression--You need not take the trouble -to bring up your sermons on my account--No body reads sermons but -Methodists and Dissenters--Besides, for my own part, I am quite a -stranger to that sort of reading; and the two persons, whose judgment I -depended upon in those matters, are out of the way; one is gone abroad, -carpenter of a man of war; and the other, has been silly enough to -abscond, in order to avoid a prosecution for blasphemy--I'm a great -loser by his going off--He has left a manual of devotion half finished -on my hands, after having received money for the whole copy--He was the -soundest divine, and had the most orthodox pen of all my people; and I -never knew his judgment fail, but in flying from his bread and butter on -this occasion. - -By owning you was not put in bodily fear by Lismahago, you preclude -yourself from the benefit of a good plea, over and above the advantage -of binding him over. In the late war, I inserted in my evening paper, -a paragraph that came by the post, reflecting upon the behaviour of a -certain regiment in battle. An officer of said regiment came to my shop, -and, in the presence of my wife and journeyman, threatened to cut off -my ears--As I exhibited marks of bodily fear more ways than one, to the -conviction of the byestanders, I bound him over; my action lay, and I -recovered. As for flagellation, you have nothing to fear, and nothing to -hope, on that head--There has been but one printer flogged at the cart's -tail these thirty years; that was Charles Watson; and he assured me it -was no more than a flea-bite. C-- S-- has been threatened several times -by the House of L--; but it came to nothing. If an information should -be moved for, and granted against you, as the editor of those Letters, -I hope you will have honesty and wit enough to appear and take your -trial--If you should be sentenced to the pillory, your fortune is -made--As times go, that's a sure step to honour and preferment. I shall -think myself happy if I can lend you a lift; and am, very sincerely, - -Yours, - -HENRY DAVIS. LONDON, Aug. 10th. - -Please my kind service to your neighbour, my cousin Madoc--I have -sent an Almanack and Court-kalendar, directed for him at Mr Sutton's, -bookseller, in Gloucester, carriage paid, which he will please to accept -as a small token of my regard. My wife, who is very fond of toasted -cheese, presents her compliments to him, and begs to know if there's any -of that kind, which he was so good as to send us last Christmas, to be -sold in London. - -H. D. - - - - -THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DOCTOR, - -The pills are good for nothing--I might as well swallow snowballs to -cool my reins--I have told you over and over how hard I am to move; and -at this time of day, I ought to know something of my own constitution. -Why will you be so positive? Prithee send me another prescription--I am -as lame and as much tortured in all my limbs as if I was broke upon the -wheel: indeed, I am equally distressed in mind and body--As if I had not -plagues enough of my own, those children of my sister are left me for a -perpetual source of vexation--what business have people to get children -to plague their neighbours? A ridiculous incident that happened -yesterday to my niece Liddy, has disordered me in such a manner, that -I expect to be laid up with another fit of the gout--perhaps, I may -explain myself in my next. I shall set out tomorrow morning for the -Hot Well at Bristol, where I am afraid I shall stay longer than I could -wish. On the receipt of this send Williams thither with my saddle-horse -and the demi pique. Tell Barns to thresh out the two old ricks, and send -the corn to market, and sell it off to the poor at a shilling a bushel -under market price.--I have received a snivelling letter from Griffin, -offering to make a public submission and pay costs. I want none of his -submissions, neither will I pocket any of his money. The fellow is a bad -neighbour, and I desire, to have nothing to do with him: but as he is -purse-proud, he shall pay for his insolence: let him give five pounds to -the poor of the parish, and I will withdraw my action; and in the mean -time you may tell Prig to stop proceedings.--Let Morgan's widow have the -Alderney cow, and forty shillings to clothe her children: but don't say -a syllable of the matter to any living soul--I'll make her pay when she -is able. I desire you will lock up all my drawers, and keep the keys -till meeting; and be sure you take the iron chest with my papers into -your own custody--Forgive all, this trouble from, - -Dear Lewis, Your affectionate M. BRAMBLE GLOUCESTER, April 2. - - - - -To Mrs GWYLLIM, house-keeper at Brambleton-hall. - -MRS GWILLIM, - -When this cums to hand, be sure to pack up in the trunk male that stands -in my closet; to be sent me in the Bristol waggon without loss of time, -the following articles, viz. my rose collard neglejay with green robins, -my yellow damask, and my black velvets with the short hoop; my bloo -quilted petticot, my green mantel, my laced apron, my French commode, -Macklin head and lappets and the litel box with my jowls. Williams may -bring over my bum-daffee, and the viol with the easings of Dr Hill's -dockwater and Chowder's lacksitif. The poor creature has been terribly -stuprated ever since we left huom. Pray take particular care of the -house while the family is absent. Let there be a fire constantly kept in -my brother's chamber and mine. The maids, having nothing to do, may be -sat a spinning. I desire you'll clap a pad-luck on the wind-seller, and -let none of the men have excess to the strong bear--don't forget to have -the gate shit every evening be dark--The gardnir and the hind may lie -below in the landry, to partake the house, with the blunderbuss and the -great dog; and hope you'll have a watchful eye over the maids. I know -that hussy Mary Jones, loves to be rumping with the men. Let me know -Alderney's calf be sould yet, and what he fought--if the ould goose be -sitting; and if the cobler has cut Dicky, and how pore anemil bore the -operation. No more at present, but rests, - -Yours, TABITHA BRAMBLE GLOSTAR, April 2. - - -TO Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MOLLY, - -Heaving this importunity, I send, my love to you and Saul, being in good -health, and hoping to hear the same from you; and that you and Saul will -take my poor kitten to bed with you this cold weather. We have been all -in, a sad taking here at Glostar--Miss Liddy had like to have run away -with a player-man, and young master and he would adone themselves a -mischief; but the squire applied to the mare, and they were, bound -over.--Mistress bid me not speak a word of the matter to any Christian -soul--no more I shall; for, we servints should see all and say nothing-- -But what was worse than all this, Chowder has had the misfortune to be -worried by a butcher's dog, and came home in a terrible pickle--Mistress -was taken with the asterisks, but they soon went off. The doctor was -sent for to Chowder, and he subscribed a repository which did him great -service--thank God he's now in a fair way to do well--pray take care -of my box and the pillyber and put them under your own bed; for, I do -suppose madam, Gwyllim will be a prying into my secrets, now my back is -turned. John Thomas is in good health, but sulky. The squire gave away -an ould coat to a poor man; and John says as, how 'tis robbing him of -his perquisites.--I told him, by his agreement he was to receive -no vails; but he says as how there's a difference betwixt vails and -perquisites; and so there is for sartain. We are all going to the Hot -Well, where I shall drink your health in a glass of water, being, - -Dear Molly, Your humble servant to command, W. JENKINS GLOSTAR, April -2nd. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -As I have nothing more at heart than to convince you I am incapable of -forgetting, or neglecting the friendship I made at college, now begin -that correspondence by letters, which you and I agreed, at parting, to -cultivate. I begin it sooner than I intended, that you may have it in -your power to refute any idle reports which may be circulated to my -prejudice at Oxford, touching a foolish quarrel, in which I have been -involved on account of my sister, who had been some time settled here -in a boarding-school. When I came hither with my uncle and aunt (who -are our guardians) to fetch her away, I found her a fine tall girl, of -seventeen, with an agreeable person; but remarkably simple, and quite -ignorant of the world. This disposition, and want of experience, had -exposed her to the addresses of a person--I know not what to call -him, who had seen her at a play; and, with a confidence and dexterity -peculiar to himself, found means to be recommended to her acquaintance. -It was by the greatest accident I intercepted one of his letters; as -it was my duty to stifle this correspondence in its birth, I made it my -business to find him out, and tell him very freely my sentiments of -the matter. The spark did not like the stile I used, and behaved with -abundance of mettle. Though his rank in life (which, by the bye, I am -ashamed to declare) did not entitle him to much deference; yet as his -behaviour was remarkably spirited, I admitted him to the privilege of -a gentleman, and something might have happened, had not we been -prevented.--In short, the business took air, I know not how, and made -abundance of noise--recourse was had to justice--I was obliged to give -my word and honour, &c. and to-morrow morning we set out for Bristol -Wells, where I expect to hear from you by the return of the post.--I -have got into a family of originals, whom I may one day attempt to -describe for your amusement. My aunt, Mrs Tabitha Bramble, is a maiden -of forty-five, exceedingly starched, vain, and ridiculous.--My uncle is -an odd kind of humorist, always on the fret, and so unpleasant in his -manner, that rather than be obliged to keep him company, I'd resign all -claim to the inheritance of his estate. Indeed his being tortured by the -gout may have soured his temper, and, perhaps, I may like him better on -further acquaintance; certain it is, all his servants and neighbours in -the country are fond of him, even to a degree of enthusiasm, the reason -of which I cannot as yet comprehend. Remember me to Griffy Price, Gwyn, -Mansel, Basset, and all the rest of my old Cambrian companions.--Salute -the bedmaker in my name--give my service to the cook, and pray take care -of poor Ponto, for the sake of his old master, who is, and ever will be, - -Dear Phillips, Your affectionate friend, and humble servant, JER. -MELFORD GLOUCESTER, April 2. - - - - -To Mrs JERMYN at her house in Gloucester. - -DEAR MADAM, - -Having no mother of my own, I hope you will give me leave to disburden -my poor heart to you, who have always acted the part of a kind parent to -me, ever since I was put under your care. Indeed, and indeed, my worthy -governess may believe me, when I assure her, that I never harboured -a thought that was otherwise than virtuous; and, if God will give me -grace, I shall never behave so as to cast a reflection on the care you -have taken in my education. I confess I have given just cause of offence -by my want of prudence and experience. I ought not to have listened to -what the young man said; and it was my duty to have told you all that -passed, but I was ashamed to mention it; and then he behaved so modest -and respectful, and seemed to be so melancholy and timorous, that -I could not find in my heart to do any thing that should make him -miserable and desperate. As for familiarities, I do declare, I never -once allowed him the favour of a: salute; and as to the few letters that -passed between us, they are all in my uncle's hands, and I hope they -contain nothing contrary to innocence and honour.--I am still persuaded -that he is not what he appears to be: but time will discover--mean while -I will endeavour to forget a connexion, which is so displeasing to my -family. I have cried without ceasing, and have not tasted any thing but -tea, since I was hurried away from you; nor did I once close my eyes for -three nights running.--My aunt continues to chide me severely when we -are by ourselves; but I hope to soften her in time, by humility -and submission.--My uncle, who was so dreadfully passionate in the -beginning, has been moved by my tears and distress; and is now all -tenderness and compassion; and my brother is reconciled to me on my -promise to break off all correspondence with that unfortunate youth; -but, notwithstanding all their indulgence, I shall have no peace of mind -till I know my dear and ever honoured governess has forgiven her poor, -disconsolate, forlorn, - -Affectionate humble servant, till death, LYDIA MELFORD CLIFTON, April 6. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAREST LETTY, - -I am in such a fright, lest this should not come safe to hand by the -conveyance of Jarvis the carrier, that I beg you will write me, on the -receipt of it, directing to me, under cover, to Mrs Winifred Jenkins, -my aunt's maid, who is a good girl, and has been so kind to me in my -affliction, that I have made her my confidant; as for Jarvis, he was -very shy of taking charge of my letter and the little parcel, because -his sister Sally had like to have lost her place on my account: indeed -I cannot blame the man for his caution; but I have made it worth his -while.--My dear companion and bed-fellow, it is a grievous addition to -my other misfortunes, that I am deprived of your agreeable company and -conversation, at a time when I need so much the comfort of your good -humour and good sense; but, I hope, the friendship we contracted at -boarding-school, will last for life--I doubt not but on my side it will -daily increase and improve, as I gain experience, and learn to know the -value of a true friend. O, my dear Letty! what shall I say about poor -Mr Wilson? I have promised to break off all correspondence, and, if -possible, to forget him: but, alas! I begin to perceive that will not be -in my power. As it is by no means proper that the picture should remain -in my hands, lest it should be the occasion of more mischief, I have -sent it to you by this opportunity, begging you will either keep it safe -till better times, or return it to Mr Wilson himself, who, I suppose, -will make it his business to see you at the usual place. If he should be -low-spirited at my sending back his picture, you may tell him I have no -occasion for a picture, while the original continues engraved on my--But -no; I would not have you tell him that neither; because there must be an -end of our correspondence--I wish he may forget me, for the sake of -his own peace; and yet if he should, he must be a barbarous--But it is -impossible--poor Wilson cannot be false and inconstant: I beseech -him not to write to me, nor attempt to see me for some time; for, -considering the resentment and passionate temper of my brother Jery, -such an attempt might be attended with consequences which would make -us all miserable for life--let us trust to time and the chapter of -accidents; or rather to that Providence which will not fail, sooner or -later, to reward those that walk in the paths of honour and virtue. I -would offer my love to the young ladies; but it is not fit that any of -them should know you have received this letter.--If we go to Bath, -I shall send you my simple remarks upon that famous center of polite -amusement, and every other place we may chance to visit; and I flatter -myself that my dear Miss Willis will be punctual in answering the -letters of her affectionate, - -LYDIA MELFORD CLIFTON, April 6. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -I have followed your directions with some success, and might have -been upon my legs by this time, had the weather permitted me to use my -saddle-horse. I rode out upon the Downs last Tuesday, in the forenoon, -when the sky, as far as the visible horizon, was without a cloud; but -before I had gone a full mile, I was overtaken instantaneously by a -storm of rain that wet me to the skin in three minutes--whence it came -the devil knows; but it has laid me up (I suppose) for one fortnight. -It makes me sick to hear people talk of the fine air upon Clifton-downs: -How can the air be either agreeable or salutary, where the demon of -vapours descends in a perpetual drizzle? My confinement is the more -intolerable, as I am surrounded with domestic vexations. My niece has -had a dangerous fit of illness, occasioned by that cursed incident at -Gloucester, which I mentioned in my last.--She is a poor good-natured -simpleton, as soft as butter, and as easily melted--not that she's a -fool--the girl's parts are not despicable, and her education has not -been neglected; that is to say, she can write and spell, and speak -French, and play upon the harpsichord; then she dances finely, has a -good figure, and is very well inclined; but, she's deficient in spirit, -and so susceptible--and so tender forsooth!--truly, she has got a -languishing eye, and reads romances.--Then there's her brother, 'squire -Jery, a pert jackanapes, full of college-petulance and self-conceit; -proud as a German count, and as hot and hasty as a Welch mountaineer. As -for that fantastical animal, my sister Tabby, you are no stranger to her -qualifications--I vow to God, she is sometimes so intolerable, that I -almost think she's the devil incarnate come to torment me for my -sins; and yet I am conscious of no sins that ought to entail such -family-plagues upon me--why the devil should not I shake off these -torments at once? I an't married to Tabby, thank Heaven! nor did I beget -the other two: let them choose another guardian: for my part I an't in -a condition to take care of myself; much less to superintend the -conduct of giddy-headed boys and girls. You earnestly desire to know the -particulars of our adventure at Gloucester, which are briefly these, and -I hope they will go no further:--Liddy had been so long copped up in a -boarding-school, which, next to a nunnery, is the worst kind of seminary -that ever was contrived for young women, that she became as inflammable -as touch-wood; and going to a play in holiday-time,--'sdeath, I'm -ashamed to tell you! she fell in love with one of the actors--a handsome -young fellow that goes by the name of Wilson. The rascal soon perceived -the impression he had made, and managed matters so as to see her at -a house where she went to drink tea with her governess.--This was the -beginning of a correspondence, which they kept up by means of a jade -of a milliner, who made and dressed caps for the girls at the -boarding-school. When we arrived at Gloucester, Liddy came to stay at -lodgings with her aunt, and Wilson bribed the maid to deliver a letter -into her own hands; but it seems Jery had already acquired so much -credit with the maid (by what means he best knows) that she carried -the letter to him, and so the whole plot was discovered. The rash boy, -without saying a word of the matter to me, went immediately in search -of Wilson; and, I suppose, treated him with insolence enough. The -theatrical hero was too far gone in romance to brook such usage: he -replied in blank verse, and a formal challenge ensued. They agreed to -meet early next morning and decide the dispute with sword and pistol. I -heard nothing at all of the affair, till Mr Morley came to my bed-side -in the morning, and told me he was afraid my nephew was going to fight, -as he had been overheard talking very loud and vehement with Wilson -at the young man's lodgings the night before, and afterwards went -and bought powder and ball at a shop in the neighbourhood. I got up -immediately, and upon inquiry found he was just going out. I begged -Morley to knock up the mayor, that he might interpose as a magistrate, -and in the mean time I hobbled after the squire, whom I saw at a -distance walking at a great pace towards the city gate--in spite of all -my efforts, I could not come up till our two combatants had taken their -ground, and were priming their pistols. An old house luckily screened -me from their view; so that I rushed upon them at once, before I was -perceived. They were both confounded, and attempted to make their escape -different ways; but Morley coming up with constables, at that instant, -took Wilson into custody, and Jery followed him quietly to the mayor's -house. All this time I was ignorant of what had passed the preceding -day; and neither of the parties would discover a tittle of the matter. -The mayor observed that it was great presumption in Wilson, who was a -stroller, to proceed to such extremities with a gentleman of family and -fortune; and threatened to commit him on the vagrant act.--The young -fellow bustled up with great spirit, declaring he was a gentleman, and -would be treated as such; but he refused to explain himself further. The -master of the company being sent for, and examined, touching the said -Wilson, said the young man had engaged with him at Birmingham about six -months ago; but never would take his salary; that he had behaved so well -in his private character, as to acquire the respect and good-will of all -his acquaintance, and that the public owned his merit as an actor was -altogether extraordinary.--After all, I fancy, he will turn out to be a -run-away prentice from London.--The manager offered to bail him for any -sum, provided he would give his word and honour that he would keep the -peace; but the young gentleman was on his high ropes, and would by no -means lay himself under any restrictions: on the other hand, Hopeful was -equally obstinate; till at length the mayor declared, that if they -both refused to be bound over, he would immediately commit Wilson as a -vagrant to hard labour. I own I was much pleased with Jery's behaviour -on this occasion: he said, that rather than Mr Wilson should be treated -in such an ignominious manner, he would give his word and honour -to prosecute the affair no further while they remained at -Gloucester--Wilson thanked him for his generous manner of proceeding, -and was discharged. On our return to our lodgings, my nephew explained -the whole mystery; and I own I was exceedingly incensed--Liddy being -questioned on the subject, and very severely reproached by that wildcat -my sister Tabby, first swooned away, then dissolving in a flood of -tears, confessed all the particulars of the correspondence, at the same -time giving up three letters, which was all she had received from her -admirer. The last, which Jery intercepted, I send you inclosed, and when -you have read it, I dare say you won't wonder at the progress the writer -had made in the heart of a simple girl, utterly unacquainted with the -characters of mankind. Thinking it was high time to remove her from such -a dangerous connexion, I carried her off the very next day to Bristol; -but the poor creature was so frightened and fluttered, by our threats -and expostulations, that she fell sick the fourth day after our arrival -at Clifton, and continued so ill for a whole week, that her life was -despaired of. It was not till yesterday that Dr Rigge declared her out -of danger. You cannot imagine what I have suffered, partly from the -indiscretion of this poor child, but much more from the fear of -losing her entirely. This air is intolerably cold, and the place quite -solitary--I never go down to the Well without returning low-spirited; -for there I meet with half a dozen poor emaciated creatures, with -ghostly looks, in the last stage of a consumption, who have made shift -to linger through the winter like so many exotic plants languishing in a -hot-house; but in all appearance, will drop into their graves before -the sun has warmth enough to mitigate the rigour of this ungenial -spring.--If you think the Bath-water will be of any service to me, I -will go thither so soon as my niece can bear the motion of the coach. -Tell Barns I am obliged to him for his advice; but don't choose to -follow it. If Davis voluntarily offers to give up the farm, the other -shall have it; but I will not begin at this time of day to distress my -tenants, because they are unfortunate, and cannot make regular payments: -I wonder that Barns should think me capable of such oppression--As for -Higgins, the fellow is a notorious poacher, to be sure; and an impudent -rascal to set his snares in my own paddock; but, I suppose, he thought -he had some right (especially in my absence) to partake of what nature -seems to have intended for common use--you may threaten him in my name, -as much as you please, and if he repeats the offence, let me know it -before you have recourse to justice.--I know you are a great sportsman, -and oblige many of your friends: I need not tell you to make use of my -grounds; but it may be necessary to hint, that I am more afraid of my -fowling-piece than of my game. When you can spare two or three brace of -partridges, send them over by the stagecoach, and tell Gwyllim that she -forgot to pack up my flannel and wide shoes in the trunk-mail--I shall -trouble you as usual, from time to time, till at last I suppose you will -be tired of corresponding with - -Your assured friend, M. BRAMBLE CLIFTON, April 17. - - - - -To Miss LYDIA MELFORD. - -Miss Willis has pronounced my doom--you are going away, dear Miss -Melford!--you are going to be removed, I know not whither! what shall I -do? which way shall I turn for consolation? I know not what I say--all -night long have I been tossed in a sea of doubts and fears, uncertainty -and distraction, without being able to connect my thoughts, much less to -form any consistent plan of conduct--I was even tempted to wish that -I had never seen you; or that you had been less amiable, or less -compassionate to your poor Wilson; and yet it would be detestable -ingratitude in me to form such a wish, considering how much I am -indebted to your goodness, and the ineffable pleasure I have derived -from your indulgence and approbation--Good God! I never heard your name -mentioned without emotion! the most distant prospect of being admitted -to your company, filled my whole soul with a kind of pleasing alarm! as -the time approached, my heart beat with redoubled force, and every -nerve thrilled with a transport of expectation; but, when I found myself -actually in your presence;--when I heard you speak;--when I saw you -smile; when I beheld your charming eyes turned favourably upon me; my -breast was filled with such tumults of delight, as wholly deprived me of -the power of utterance, and wrapt me in a delirium of joy!--encouraged -by your sweetness of temper and affability, I ventured to describe the -feelings of my heart--even then you did not check my presumption--you -pitied my sufferings and gave me leave to hope you put a -favourable--perhaps too favourable a construction, on my -appearance--certain it is, I am no player in love--I speak the language -of my own heart; and have no prompter but nature. Yet there is something -in this heart, which I have not yet disclosed.--I flattered myself--But, -I will not--I must not proceed. Dear Miss Liddy! for Heaven's sake, -contrive, if possible, some means of letting me speak to you before you -leave Gloucester; otherwise, I know not what will--But I begin to rave -again.--I will endeavour to bear this trial with fortitude--while I am -capable of reflecting upon your tenderness and truth, I surely have no -cause to despair--a cloud hangs over me, and there is a dreadful weight -upon my spirits! While you stay in this place, I shall continually hover -about your lodgings, as the parted soul is said to linger about the -grave where its mortal comfort lies.--I know, if it is in your power, -you will task your humanity--your compassion--shall I add, your -affection?--in order to assuage the almost intolerable disquiet that -torments the heart of your afflicted, - -WILSON GLOUCESTER, March 31. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -HOT WELL, April 18. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -I give Mansel credit for his invention, in propagating the report that I -had a quarrel with a mountebank's merry Andrew at Gloucester: but I have -too much respect for every appendage of wit, to quarrel even with the -lowest buffoonery; and therefore I hope Mansel and I shall always be -good friends. I cannot, however, approve of his drowning my poor -dog Ponto, on purpose to convert Ovid's pleonasm into a punning -epitaph,--deerant quoque Littora Ponto: for, that he threw him into the -Isis, when it was so high and impetuous, with no other view than to kill -the fleas, is an excuse that will not hold water--But I leave poor Ponto -to his fate, and hope Providence will take care to accommodate Mansel -with a drier death. - -As there is nothing that can be called company at the Well, I am here -in a state of absolute rustication: This, however, gives me leisure to -observe the singularities in my uncle's character, which seems to have -interested your curiosity. The truth is, his disposition and mine, -which, like oil and vinegar, repelled one another at first, have now -begun to mix by dint of being beat up together. I was once apt to -believe him a complete Cynic; and that nothing but the necessity of his -occasions could compel him to get within the pale of society--I am now -of another opinion. I think his peevishness arises partly from bodily -pain, and partly from a natural excess of mental sensibility; for, I -suppose, the mind as well as the body, is in some cases endued with a -morbid excess of sensation. - -I was t'other day much diverted with a conversation that passed in the -Pump-room, betwixt him and the famous Dr L--n, who is come to ply at the -Well for patients. My uncle was complaining of the stink, occasioned -by the vast quantity of mud and slime which the river leaves at low ebb -under the windows of the Pumproom. He observed, that the exhalations -arising from such a nuisance, could not but be prejudicial to the weak -lungs of many consumptive patients, who came to drink the water. The -Doctor overhearing this remark, made up to him, and assured him he was -mistaken. He said, people in general were so misled by vulgar prejudices -that philosophy was hardly sufficient to undeceive them. Then humming -thrice, he assumed a most ridiculous solemnity of aspect, and entered -into a learned investigation of the nature of stink. He observed, -that stink, or stench, meant no more than a strong impression on -the olfactory nerves; and might be applied to substances of the most -opposite qualities; that in the Dutch language, stinken signifies the -most agreeable perfume, as well as the most fetid odour, as appears in -Van Vloudel's translation of Horace, in that beautiful ode, Quis multa -gracilis, &c.--The words fiquidis perfusus odoribus, he translates van -civet & moschata gestinken: that individuals differed toto coelo in -their opinion of smells, which, indeed, was altogether as arbitrary -as the opinion of beauty; that the French were pleased with the putrid -effluvia of animal food; and so were the Hottentots in Africa, and the -Savages in Greenland; and that the Negroes on the coast of Senegal would -not touch fish till it was rotten; strong presumptions in favour of what -is generally called stink, as those nations are in a state of nature, -undebauched by luxury, unseduced by whim and caprice: that he had reason -to believe the stercoraceous flavour, condemned by prejudice as a stink, -was, in fact, most agreeable to the organs of smelling; for, that every -person who pretended to nauseate the smell of another's excretions, -snuffed up his own with particular complacency; for the truth of which -he appealed to all the ladies and gentlemen then present: he said, the -inhabitants of Madrid and Edinburgh found particular satisfaction -in breathing their own atmosphere, which was always impregnated with -stercoraceous effluvia: that the learned Dr B--, in his treatise on the -Four Digestions, explains in what manner the volatile effluvia from the -intestines stimulate and promote the operations of the animal economy: -he affirmed, the last Grand Duke of Tuscany, of the Medicis family, -who refined upon sensuality with the spirit of a philosopher, was so -delighted with that odour, that he caused the essence of ordure to be -extracted, and used it as the most delicious perfume: that he himself -(the doctor) when he happened to be low-spirited, or fatigued with -business, found immediate relief and uncommon satisfaction from hanging -over the stale contents of a close-stool, while his servant stirred it -about under his nose; nor was this effect to be wondered at, when we -consider that this substance abounds with the self-same volatile salts -that are so greedily smelled to by the most delicate invalids, after -they have been extracted and sublimed by the chemists.--By this time the -company began to hold their noses; but the doctor, without taking -the least notice of this signal, proceeded to shew, that many fetid -substances were not only agreeable but salutary; such as assa foetida, -and other medicinal gums, resins, roots, and vegetables, over and above -burnt feathers, tan-pits, candle-snuffs, &c. In short, he used many -learned arguments to persuade his audience out of their senses; and from -stench made a transition to filth, which he affirmed was also a mistaken -idea, in as much as objects so called, were no other than certain -modifications of matter, consisting of the same principles that enter -into the composition of all created essences, whatever they may be: that -in the filthiest production of nature, a philosopher considered nothing -but the earth, water, salt and air, of which it was compounded; that, -for his own part, he had no more objections to drinking the dirtiest -ditch-water, than he had to a glass of water from the Hot Well, provided -he was assured there was nothing poisonous in the concrete. Then -addressing himself to my uncle, 'Sir (said he) you seem to be of a -dropsical habit, and probably will soon have a confirmed ascites: if -I should be present when you are tapped, I will give you a convincing -proof of what I assert, by drinking without hesitation the water -that comes out of your abdomen.'--The ladies made wry faces at this -declaration, and my uncle, changing colour, told him he did not desire -any such proof of his philosophy: 'But I should be glad to know (said -he) what makes you think I am of a dropsical habit?' 'Sir, I beg pardon -(replied the Doctor) I perceive your ancles are swelled, and you seem to -have the facies leucophlegmatica. Perhaps, indeed, your disorder may -be oedematous, or gouty, or it may be the lues venerea: If you have any -reason to flatter yourself it is this last, sir, I will undertake -to cure you with three small pills, even if the disease should have -attained its utmost inveteracy. Sir, it is an arcanum, which I have -discovered, and prepared with infinite labour.--Sir, I have lately cured -a woman in Bristol--a common prostitute, sir, who had got all the worst -symptoms of the disorder; such as nodi, tophi, and gummata, verruca, -cristoe Galli, and a serpiginous eruption, or rather a pocky itch -all over her body. By the time she had taken the second pill, sir, by -Heaven! she was as smooth as my hand, and the third made her sound and -as fresh as a new born infant.' 'Sir (cried my uncle peevishly) I have -no reason to flatter myself that my disorder comes within the efficacy -of your nostrum. But this patient you talk of may not be so sound at -bottom as you imagine.' 'I can't possibly be mistaken (rejoined the -philosopher) for I have had communication with her three times--I always -ascertain my cures in that manner.' At this remark, all the ladies -retired to another corner of the room, and some of them began to -spit.--As to my uncle, though he was ruffled at first by the doctor's -saying he was dropsical, he could not help smiling at this ridiculous -confession and, I suppose, with a view to punish this original, told -him there was a wart upon his nose, that looked a little suspicious. 'I -don't pretend to be a judge of those matters (said he) but I understand -that warts are often produced by the distemper; and that one upon your -nose seems to have taken possession of the very keystone of the -bridge, which I hope is in no danger of falling.' L--n seemed a little -confounded at this remark, and assured him it was nothing but a common -excrescence of the cuticula, but that the bones were all sound below; -for the truth of this assertion he appealed to the touch, desiring he -would feel the part. My uncle said it was a matter of such delicacy to -meddle with a gentleman's nose, that he declined the office--upon which, -the Doctor turning to me, intreated me to do him that favour. I complied -with his request, and handled it so roughly, that he sneezed, and the -tears ran down his cheeks, to the no small entertainment of the company, -and particularly of my uncle, who burst out a-laughing for the first -time since I have been with him; and took notice, that the part seemed -to be very tender. 'Sir (cried the Doctor) it is naturally a tender -part; but to remove all possibility of doubt, I will take off the wart -this very night.' - -So saying, he bowed, with great solemnity all round, and retired to his -own lodgings, where he applied a caustic to the wart; but it spread in -such a manner as to produce a considerable inflammation, attended with -an enormous swelling; so that when he next appeared, his whole face was -overshadowed by this tremendous nozzle; and the rueful eagerness with -which he explained this unlucky accident, was ludicrous beyond all -description.--I was much pleased with meeting the original of a -character, which you and I have often laughed at in description; and -what surprises me very much, I find the features in the picture, which -has been drawn for him, rather softened than over-charged. - -As I have something else to say; and this letter has run to an -unconscionable length, I shall now give you a little respite, and -trouble you again by the very first post. I wish you would take it in -your head to retaliate these double strokes upon - -Yours always, J. MELFORD - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -HOT WELL, April 20. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -I now sit down to execute the threat in the tail of my last. The truth -is, I am big with the secret, and long to be delivered. It relates to my -guardian, who, you know, is at present our principal object in view. - -T'other day, I thought I had detected him in such a state of frailty, as -would but ill become his years and character. There is a decent sort of -woman, not disagreeable in her person, that comes to the Well, with a -poor emaciated child, far gone in a consumption. I had caught my uncle's -eyes several times directed to this person, with a very suspicious -expression in them, and every time he saw himself observed, he hastily -withdrew them, with evident marks of confusion--I resolved to watch him -more narrowly, and saw him speaking to her privately in a corner of the -walk. At length, going down to the Well one day, I met her half way up -the hill to Clifton, and could not help suspecting she was going to our -lodgings by appointment, as it was about one o'clock, the hour when my -sister and I are generally at the Pump-room.--This notion exciting my -curiosity, I returned by a back-way, and got unperceived into my own -chamber, which is contiguous to my uncle's apartment. Sure enough, the -woman was introduced but not into his bedchamber; he gave her audience -in a parlour; so that I was obliged to shift my station to another room, -where, however, there was a small chink in the partition, through which -I could perceive what passed. My uncle, though a little lame, rose up -when she came in, and setting a chair for her, desired she would sit -down: then he asked if she would take a dish of chocolate, which she -declined, with much acknowledgment. After a short pause, he said, in a -croaking tone of voice, which confounded me not a little, 'Madam, I am -truly concerned for your misfortunes; and if this trifle can be of any -service to you, I beg you will accept it without ceremony.' So saying, -he put a bit of paper into her hand, which she opening with great -trepidation, exclaimed in an extacy, 'Twenty pounds! Oh, sir!' and -sinking down upon a settee, fainted away--Frightened at this fit, and, -I suppose, afraid of calling for assistance, lest her situation -should give rise to unfavourable conjectures, he ran about the room in -distraction, making frightful grimaces; and, at length, had recollection -enough to throw a little water in her face; by which application she was -brought to herself: but, then her feeling took another turn. She shed -a flood of tears, and cried aloud, 'I know not who you are: but, -sure--worthy sir--generous sir!--the distress of me and my poor dying -child--Oh! if the widow's prayers--if the orphan's tears of gratitude -can ought avail--gracious Providence--Blessings!--shower down eternal -blessings.'--Here she was interrupted by my uncle, who muttered in -a voice still more and more discordant, 'For Heaven's sake be quiet, -madam--consider--the people of the house--'sdeath! can't you.'--All this -time she was struggling to throw herself on her knees, while he seizing -her by the wrists, endeavoured to seat her upon the settee, saying, -'Prithee--good now--hold your tongue'--At that instant, who should -burst into--the room but our aunt Tabby! of all antiquated maidens the -most diabolically capricious--Ever prying into other people's affairs, -she had seen the woman enter, and followed her to the door, where she -stood listening, but probably could hear nothing distinctly, except my -uncle's, last exclamation; at which she bounded into the parlour in a -violent rage, that dyed the tip of her nose of a purple hue,--'Fy upon -you, Matt! (cried she) what doings are these, to disgrace your own -character, and disparage your family?'--Then, snatching the bank note -out of the stranger's hand, she went on--'How now, twenty -pounds!--here is temptation with a witness!--Good-woman, go about -your business--Brother, brother, I know not which most to admire; your -concupissins, or your extravagance!'--'Good God (exclaimed the poor -woman) shall a worthy gentleman's character suffer for an action -that does honour to humanity?' By this time, uncle's indignation was -effectually roused. His face grew pale, his teeth chattered, and his -eyes flashed--'Sister (cried he, in a voice like thunder) I vow to God, -your impertinence is exceedingly provoking.' With these words, he took -her by the hand, and, opening the door of communication, thrust her into -the chamber where I stood, so affected by the scene, that the tears ran -down my cheeks. Observing these marks of emotion, 'I don't wonder (said -she) to see you concerned at the back-slidings of so near a relation; a -man of his years and infirmities: These are fine doings, truly--This -is a rare example, set by a guardian, for the benefit of his -pupils--Monstrous! incongruous! sophistical!'--I thought it was but -an act of justice to set her to rights; and therefore explained the -mystery. But she would not be undeceived, 'What (said she) would you -go for to offer for to arguefy me out of my senses? Did'n't I hear -him whispering to her to hold her tongue? Did'n't I see her in tears? -Did'n't I see him struggling to throw her upon the couch? 0 filthy! -hideous! abominable! Child, child, talk not to me of charity.--Who gives -twenty pounds in charity?--But you are a stripling--You know nothing of -the world. Besides, charity begins at home--Twenty pounds would buy me a -complete suit of flowered silk, trimmings and all--' In short, I quitted -the room, my contempt for her, and my respect for her brother, being -increased in the same proportion. I have since been informed, that the -person, whom my uncle so generously relieved, is the widow of an ensign, -who has nothing to depend upon but the pension of fifteen pounds a year. -The people of the Well-house give her an excellent character. She lodges -in a garret, and works very hard at plain work, to support her daughter, -who is dying of a consumption. I must own, to my shame, I feel a strong -inclination to follow my uncle's example, in relieving this poor widow; -but, betwixt friends, I am afraid of being detected in a weakness, that -might entail the ridicule of the company, upon, - -Dear Phillips, Yours always, J. MELFORD - -Direct your next to me at Bath; and remember me to all our -fellow-jesuits. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -HOT WELL, April 20. - -I understand your hint. There are mysteries in physic, as well as in -religion; which we of the profane have no right to investigate--A -man must not presume to use his reason, unless he has studied the -categories, and can chop logic by mode and figure--Between friends, I -think every man of tolerable parts ought, at my time of day, to be both -physician and lawyer, as far as his own constitution and property are -concerned. For my own part, I have had an hospital these fourteen years -within myself, and studied my own case with the most painful attention; -consequently may be supposed to know something of the matter, although -I have not taken regular courses of physiology et cetera et cetera.-- -In short, I have for some time been of opinion (no offence, dear Doctor) -that the sum of all your medical discoveries amounts to this, that the -more you study the less you know.--I have read all that has been written -on the Hot Wells, and what I can collect from the whole, is, that the -water contains nothing but a little salt, and calcarious earth, mixed in -such inconsiderable proportion, as can have very little, if any, effect -on the animal economy. This being the case, I think the man deserves to -be fitted with a cap and bells, who for such a paultry advantage as this -spring affords, sacrifices his precious time, which might be employed -in taking more effectual remedies, and exposes himself to the dirt, the -stench, the chilling blasts, and perpetual rains, that render this place -to me intolerable. If these waters, from a small degree of astringency, -are of some service in the diabetes, diarrhoea, and night sweats, when -the secretions are too much increased, must not they do harm in the same -proportion, where the humours are obstructed, as in the asthma, -scurvy, gout and dropsy?--Now we talk of the dropsy, here is a strange -fantastical oddity, one of your brethren, who harangues every day in -the Pump-room, as if he was hired to give lectures on all subjects -whatsoever--I know not what to make of him--Sometimes he makes -shrewd remarks; at other times he talks like the greatest simpleton in -nature--He has read a great deal; but without method or judgment, and -digested nothing. He believes every thing he has read; especially if -it has any thing of the marvellous in it and his conversation is a -surprizing hotch-potch of erudition and extravagance. He told me t'other -day, with great confidence, that my case was dropsical; or, as he called -it, leucophlegmatic: A sure sign, that his want of experience is equal -to his presumption--for, you know, there is nothing analogous to the -dropsy in my disorder--I wish those impertinent fellows, with their -ricketty understandings, would keep their advice for those that ask it. -Dropsy, indeed! Sure I have not lived to the age of fifty-five, and had -such experience of my own disorder, and consulted you and other eminent -physicians, so often, and so long, to be undeceived by such a--But, -without all doubt, the man is mad; and, therefore, what he says is of -no consequence. I had, yesterday, a visit from Higgins, who came hither -under the terror of your threats, and brought me in a present a brace of -hares, which he owned he took in my ground; and I could not persuade -the fellow that he did wrong, or that I would ever prosecute him for -poaching--I must desire you will wink hard at the practices of this -rascallion, otherwise I shall be plagued with his presents, which cost -me more than they are worth.--If I could wonder at any thing Fitzowen -does, I should be surprized at his assurance in desiring you to solicit -my vote for him at the next election for the county: for him, who -opposed me, on the like occasion, with the most illiberal competition. -You may tell him civilly, that I beg to be excused. Direct your next for -me at Bath, whither I propose to remove to-morrow; not only on my own -account, but for the sake of my niece, Liddy, who is like to relapse. -The poor creature fell into a fit yesterday, while I was cheapening a -pair of spectacles, with a Jew-pedlar. I am afraid there is something -still lurking in that little heart of hers, which I hope a change of -objects will remove. Let me know what you think of this half-witted -Doctor's impertinent, ridiculous, and absurd notion of my disorder--So -far from being dropsical, I am as lank in the belly as a grey-hound; -and, by measuring my ancle with a pack-thread, I find the swelling -subsides every day. From such doctors, good Lord deliver us!--I have not -yet taken any lodgings in Bath; because there we can be accommodated at -a minute's warning, and I shall choose for myself--I need not say your -directions for drinking and bathing will be agreeable to, - -Dear Lewis, Yours ever, MAT. BRAMBLE - -P.S. I forgot to tell you, that my right ancle pits, a symptom, as I -take it, of its being oedematous, not leucophlegmatic. - - - - -To Miss LETTY WILLIS, at Gloucester - -HOT WELL, April 21. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -I did not intend to trouble you again, till we should be settled at -Bath; but having the occasion of Jarvis, I could not let it slip, -especially as I have something extraordinary to communicate. O, my dear -companion! What shall I tell you? for several days past there was a -Jew-looking man, that plied at the Wells with a box of spectacles; and -he always eyed me so earnestly, that I began to be very uneasy. At last, -he came to our lodgings at Clifton, and lingered about the door, as -if he wanted to speak to somebody--I was seized with an odd kind of -fluttering, and begged Win to throw herself in his way: but the poor -girl has weak nerves, and was afraid of his beard. My uncle, having -occasion for new glasses, called him up stairs, and was trying a pair -of spectacles, when the man, advancing to me, said in a whisper--O -gracious! what d'ye think he said?--'I am Wilson!' His features struck -me that very moment it was Wilson, sure enough! but so disguised, that -it would have been impossible to know him, if my heart had not assisted -in the discovery. I was so surprised, and so frightened that I fainted -away, but soon recovered; and found myself supported by him on the -chair, while my uncle was running about the room, with the spectacles -on his nose, calling for help. I had no opportunity to speak to him; but -looks were sufficiently expressive. He was payed for his glasses, and -went away. Then I told Win who he was, and sent her after him to the -Pump-room; where she spoke to him, and begged him in my name to withdraw -from the place, that he might not incur the suspicion of my uncle or my -brother, if he did not want to see me die of terror and vexation. The -poor youth declared, with tears in his eyes, that he had something -extraordinary to communicate; and asked, if she would deliver a letter -to me: but this she absolutely refused, by my order.--Finding her -obstinate in her refusal, he desired she would tell me that he was no -longer a player, but a gentleman; in which character he would very soon -avow his passion for me, without fear of censure or reproach--Nay, -he even discovered his name and family, which, to my great grief, -the simple girl forgot, in the confusion occasioned by her being seen -talking to him by my brother, who stopt her on the road, and asked -what business she had with that rascally Jew. She pretended she was -cheapening a stay-hook, but was thrown into such a quandary, that she -forgot the most material part of the information; and when she came -home, went into an hysteric fit of laughing. This transaction happened -three days ago, during which he has not appeared, so that I suppose he -has gone. Dear Letty! you see how Fortune takes pleasure in persecuting -your poor friend. If you should see him at Gloucester--or if you have -seen him, and know his real name and family, pray keep me no longer in -suspence--And yet, if he is under no obligation to keep himself longer -concealed, and has a real affection for me, I should hope he will, in a -little time, declare himself to my relations. Sure, if there is -nothing unsuitable in the match, they won't be so cruel as to thwart my -inclinations--O what happiness would then be my portion! I can't help -indulging the thought, and pleasing my fancy with such agreeable ideas; -which after all, perhaps, will never be realized--But, why should I -despair? who knows what will happen?--We set out for Bath to-morrow, and -I am almost sorry for it; as I begin to be in love with solitude, and -this is a charming romantic place. The air is so pure; the Downs are so -agreeable; the furz in full blossom; the ground enamelled with daisies, -and primroses, and cowslips; all the trees bursting into leaves, and the -hedges already clothed with their vernal livery; the mountains covered -with flocks of sheep and tender bleating wanton lambkins playing, -frisking, and skipping from side to side; the groves resound with -the notes of blackbird, thrush, and linnet; and all night long sweet -Philomel pours forth her ravishingly delightful song. Then, for -variety, we go down to the nymph of Bristol spring, where the company is -assembled before dinner; so good natured, so free, so easy; and there we -drink the water so clear, so pure, so mild, so charmingly maukish. There -the fun is so chearful and reviving; the weather so soft; the walk so -agreeable; the prospect so amusing; and the ships and boats going up and -down the river, close under the windows of the Pump-room, afford such an -enchanting variety of Moving Pictures, as require a much abler pen than -mine to describe. To make this place a perfect paradise to me, nothing -is wanting but an agreeable companion and sincere friend; such as -my dear miss Willis hath been, and I hope still will be, to her ever -faithful. - -LYDIA MELFORD - -Direct for me, still under cover, to Win; and Jarvis will take care to -convey it safe. Adieu. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -BATH, April 24. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -You have, indeed, reason to be surprised, that I should have concealed -my correspondence with miss Blackerby from you, to whom I disclosed all -my other connexions of that nature; but the truth is, I never dreamed -of any such commerce, till your last informed me, that it had produced -something which could not be much longer concealed. It is a lucky -circumstance, however, that her reputation will not suffer any -detriment, but rather derive advantage from the discovery; which -will prove, at least, that it is not quite so rotten as most people -imagined--For my own part, I declare to you, in all the sincerity of -friendship, that, far from having any amorous intercourse with the -object in question, I never had the least acquaintance with her person; -but, if she is really in the condition you describe, I suspect Mansel to -be at the bottom of the whole. His visits to that shrine were no secret; -and this attachment, added to some good offices, which you know he has -done me, since I left Alma-mater, give me a right to believe him capable -of saddling me with this scandal, when my back was turned--Nevertheless, -if my name can be of any service to him, he is welcome to make use of -it; and if the woman should be abandoned enough to swear his banding to -me, I must beg the favour of you to compound with the parish: I shall -pay the penalty without repining; and you will be so good as to draw -upon me immediately for the sum required--On this occasion, I act by the -advice of my uncle; who says I shall have good-luck if I pass through -life without being obliged to make many more compositions of the same -kind. The old gentleman told me last night, with great good-humour, that -betwixt the age of twenty and forty, he had been obliged to provide for -nine bastards, sworn to him by women whom he never saw--Mr Bramble's -character, which seems to interest you greatly, opens and improves upon -me every day. His singularities afford a rich mine of entertainment; -his understanding, so far as I can judge, is well cultivated; his -observations on life are equally just, pertinent, and uncommon. He -affects misanthropy, in order to conceal the sensibility of a heart, -which is tender, even to a degree of weakness. This delicacy of feeling, -or soreness of the mind, makes him timorous and fearful; but then he -is afraid of nothing so much as of dishonour; and although he is -exceedingly cautious of giving offence, he will fire at the least hint -of insolence or ill-breeding.--Respectable as he is, upon the whole, -I can't help being sometimes diverted by his little distresses; which -provoke him to let fly the shafts of his satire, keen and penetrating -as the arrows of Teucer--Our aunt, Tabitha, acts upon him as a perpetual -grind-stone--She is, in all respects, a striking contrast to her -brother--But I reserve her portrait for another occasion. - -Three days ago we came hither from the Hot Well, and took possession -of the first floor of a lodging-house, on the South Parade; a situation -which my uncle chose, for its being near the Bath, and remote from the -noise of carriages. He was scarce warm in the lodgings when he called -for his night-cap, his wide shoes, and flannel; and declared himself -invested with the gout in his right foot; though, I believe it had as -yet reached no farther than his imagination. It was not long before he -had reason to repent his premature declaration; for our aunt Tabitha -found means to make such a clamour and confusion, before the flannels -could be produced from the trunk, that one would have imagined the house -was on fire. All this time, uncle sat boiling with impatience, biting -his fingers, throwing up his eyes, and muttering ejaculations; at length -he burst into a kind of convulsive laugh, after which he hummed a song; -and when the hurricane was over, exclaimed 'Blessed be God for all -things!' This, however, was but the beginning of his troubles. Mrs -Tabitha's favourite dog Chowder, having paid his compliments to a female -turnspit of his own species, in the kitchen, involved himself in a -quarrel with no fewer than five rivals, who set upon him at once, and -drove him up stairs to the dining room door, with hideous noise: there -our aunt and her woman, taking arms in his defence, joined the -concert; which became truly diabolical. This fray being with difficulty -suppressed, by the intervention of our own footman and the cook-maid -of the house, the squire had just opened his mouth, to expostulate with -Tabby, when the town-waits, in the passage below, struck up their music -(if music it may be called) with such a sudden burst of sound, as made -him start and stare, with marks of indignation and disquiet. He had -recollection enough to send his servant with some money to silence those -noisy intruders; and they were immediately dismissed, though not without -some opposition on the part of Tabitha, who thought it but reasonable -that he should have more music for his money. Scarce had he settled this -knotty point, when a strange kind of thumping and bouncing was heard -right over-head, in the second story, so loud and violent, as to shake -the whole building. I own I was exceedingly provoked at this new alarm; -and before my uncle had time to express himself on the subject, I ran -up stairs, to see what was the matter. Finding the room-door open, I -entered without ceremony, and perceived an object, which I can not now -recollect without laughing to excess--It was a dancing master, with his -scholar, in the act of teaching. The master was blind of one eye, and -lame of one foot, and led about the room his pupil; who seemed to be -about the age of threescore, stooped mortally, was tall, raw-boned, -hard-favoured, with a woollen night-cap on his head; and he had stript -off his coat, that he might be more nimble in his motions--Finding -himself intruded upon, by a person he did not know, he forthwith girded -himself with a long iron sword, and advancing to me, with a peremptory -air, pronounced, in a true Hibernian accent, 'Mister What d'ye callum, -by my saoul and conscience, I am very glad to sea you, if you are after -coming in the way of friendship; and indeed, and indeed now, I believe -you are my friend sure enough, gra; though I never had the honour to sea -your face before, my dear; for becaase you come like a friend, without -any ceremony at all, at all'--I told him the nature of my visit would -not admit of ceremony; that I was come to desire he would make less -noise, as there was a sick gentleman below, whom he had no right -to disturb with such preposterous doings. 'Why, look-ye now, young -gentleman (replied this original) perhaps, upon another occasion, I -might shivilly request you to explain the maining of that hard word, -prepasterous: but there's a time for all things, honey'--So saying, -he passed me with great agility, and, running down stairs, found our -foot-man at the dining-room door, of whom he demanded admittance, to -pay his respects to the stranger. As the fellow did not think proper -to refuse the request of such a formidable figure, he was immediately -introduced, and addressed himself to my uncle in these words: 'Your -humble servant, good sir,--I'm not so prepasterous, as your son calls -it, but I know the rules of shivility--I'm a poor knight of Ireland, -my name is sir Ulic Mackilligut, of the county of Galway; being your -fellow-lodger, I'm come to pay my respects, and to welcome you to the -South Parade, and to offer my best services to you, and your good lady, -and your pretty daughter; and even to the young gentleman your son, -though he thinks me a prepasterous fellow--You must know I am to have -the honour to open a ball next door to-morrow with lady Mac Manus; and -being rusted in my dancing, I was refreshing my memory with a little -exercise; but if I had known there was a sick person below, by Christ! -I would have sooner danced a hornpipe upon my own head, than walk the -softest minuet over yours.'--My uncle, who was not a little startled at -his first appearance, received his compliment with great complacency, -insisted upon his being seated, thanked him for the honour of his visit, -and reprimanded me for my abrupt expostulation with a gentleman of his -rank and character. Thus tutored, I asked pardon of the knight, who, -forthwith starting up, embraced me so close, that I could hardly -breathe; and assured me, he loved me as his own soul. At length, -recollecting his night-cap, he pulled it off in some confusion; and, -with his bald-pate uncovered, made a thousand apologies to the ladies, -as he retired--At that instant, the Abbey bells, began to ring so -loud, that we could not hear one another speak; and this peal, as -we afterwards learned, was for the honour of Mr Bullock, an eminent -cowkeeper of Tottenham, who had just arrived at Bath, to drink the -waters for indigestion. Mr Bramble had not time to make his remarks upon -the agreeable nature of this serenade, before his ears were saluted with -another concert that interested him more nearly. Two negroes, belonging -to a Creole gentleman, who lodged in the same house, taking their -station at a window in the stair-case, about ten feet from our -dining-room door, began to practise upon the French-horn; and being in -the very first rudiments of execution, produced such discordant sounds, -as might have discomposed the organs of an ass. You may guess what -effect they had upon the irritable nerves of uncle; who, with the most -admirable expression of splenetic surprize in his countenance, sent -his man to silence these dreadful blasts, and desire the musicians to -practise in some other place, as they had no right to stand there and -disturb all the lodgers in the house. Those sable performers, far from -taking the hint, and withdrawing, treated the messenger with great -insolence; bidding him carry his compliments to their master, colonel -Rigworm, who would give him a proper answer, and a good drubbing into -the bargain; in the mean time they continued their noise, and even -endeavoured to make it more disagreeable; laughing between whiles, at -the thoughts of being able to torment their betters with impunity. Our -'squire, incensed at the additional insult, immediately dispatched the -servant, with his compliments to colonel Rigworm, requesting that -he would order his blacks to be quiet, as the noise they made was -altogether intolerable--To this message, the Creole colonel replied, -that his horns had a right to sound on a common staircase; that there -they should play for his diversion; and that those who did not like the -noise, might look for lodgings elsewhere. Mr Bramble no sooner received -this reply, than his eyes began to glisten, his face grew pale, and his -teeth chattered. After a moment's pause, he slipt on his shoes, without -speaking a word, or seeming to feel any further disturbance from the -gout in his toes. Then snatching his cane, he opened the door and -proceeded to the place where the black trumpeters were posted. There, -without further hesitation, he began to belabour them both; and exerted -himself with such astonishing vigour and agility, that both their heads -and horns were broken in a twinkling, and they ran howling down stairs -to their master's parlour-door. The squire, following them half way, -called aloud, that the colonel might hear him, 'Go, rascals, and tell -your master what I have done; if he thinks himself injured, he knows -where to come for satisfaction. As for you, this is but an earnest of -what you shall receive, if ever you presume to blow a horn again here, -while I stay in the house.' So saying, he retired to his apartment, in -expectation of hearing from the West Indian; but the colonel prudently -declined any farther prosecution of the dispute. My sister Liddy was -frighted into a fit, from which she was no sooner recovered, than Mrs -Tabitha began a lecture upon patience; which her brother interrupted -with a most significant grin, 'True, sister, God increase my patience -and your discretion. I wonder (added he) what sort of sonata we are to -expect from this overture, in which the devil, that presides over horrid -sounds, hath given us such variations of discord--The trampling of -porters, the creaking and crashing of trunks, the snarling of curs, the -scolding of women, the squeaking and squalling of fiddles and hautboys -out of tune, the bouncing of the Irish baronet over-head, and the -bursting, belching, and brattling of the French-horns in the passage -(not to mention the harmonious peal that still thunders from the Abbey -steeple) succeeding one another without interruption, like the different -parts of the same concert, have given me such an idea of what a poor -invalid has to expect in this temple, dedicated to Silence and Repose, -that I shall certainly shift my quarters to-morrow, and endeavour to -effectuate my retreat before Sir Ulic opens the ball with my lady Mac -Manus; a conjunction that bodes me no good.' This intimation was by no -means agreeable to Mrs Tabitha, whose ears were not quite so delicate as -those of her brother--She said it would be great folly to move from -such agreeable lodgings, the moment they were comfortably settled. She -wondered he should be such an enemy to music and mirth. She heard no -noise but of his own making: it was impossible to manage a family in -dumb-shew. He might harp as long as he pleased upon her scolding; but -she never scolded, except for his advantage; but he would never be -satisfied, even tho'f she should sweat blood and water in his service--I -have a great notion that our aunt, who is now declining into the most -desperate state of celibacy, had formed some design upon the heart of -Sir Ulic Mackilligut, which she feared might be frustrated by our abrupt -departure from these lodgings. Her brother, eyeing her askance, 'Pardon -me, sister (said he) I should be a savage, indeed, were I insensible of -my own felicity, in having such a mild, complaisant, good-humoured, and -considerate companion and housekeeper; but as I have got a weak head, -and my sense of hearing is painfully acute, before I have recourse to -plugs of wool and cotton, I'll try whether I can't find another lodging, -where I shall have more quiet and less music.' He accordingly dispatched -his man upon this service; and next day he found a small house in -Milsham-street, which he hires by the week. Here, at least, we enjoy -convenience and quiet within doors, as much as Tabby's temper will -allow; but the squire still complains of flying pains in the stomach -and head, for which he bathes and drinks the waters. He is not so bad, -however, but that he goes in person to the pump, the rooms, and the -coffeehouses; where he picks up continual food for ridicule and satire. -If I can glean any thing for your amusement, either from his observation -or my own, you shall have it freely, though I am afraid it will poorly -compensate the trouble of reading these tedious insipid letters of, - -Dear Phillips, Yours always, J. MELFORD - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. BATH, April 23. DEAR DOCTOR, - -If I did not know that the exercise of your profession has habituated -you to the hearing of complaints, I should make a conscience of -troubling you with my correspondence, which may be truly called the -lamentations of Matthew Bramble. Yet I cannot help thinking I have -some right to discharge the overflowings of my spleen upon you, whose -province it is to remove those disorders that occasioned it; and let -me tell you, it is no small alleviation of my grievances, that I have a -sensible friend, to whom I can communicate my crusty humours, which, by -retention, would grow intolerably acrimonious. - -You must know, I find nothing but disappointment at Bath; which is -so altered, that I can scarce believe it is the same place that I -frequented about thirty years ago. Methinks I hear you say, 'Altered it -is, without all doubt: but then it is altered for the better; a truth -which, perhaps, you would own without hesitation, if you yourself was -not altered for the worse.' The reflection may, for aught I know, be -just. The inconveniences which I overlooked in the high-day of health, -will naturally strike with exaggerated impression on the irritable -nerves of an invalid, surprised by premature old age, and shattered with -long-suffering--But, I believe, you will not deny, that this place, -which Nature and Providence seem to have intended as a resource -from distemper and disquiet, is become the very centre of racket and -dissipation. Instead of that peace, tranquillity, and case, so necessary -to those who labour under bad health, weak nerves, and irregular -spirits; here we have nothing but noise, tumult, and hurry; with the -fatigue and slavery of maintaining a ceremonial, more stiff, formal, and -oppressive, than the etiquette of a German elector. A national hospital -it may be, but one would imagine that none but lunatics are admitted; -and truly, I will give you leave to call me so, if I stay much longer at -Bath.--But I shall take another opportunity to explain my sentiments -at greater length on this subject--I was impatient to see the boasted -improvements in architecture, for which the upper parts of the town have -been so much celebrated and t'other day I made a circuit of all the new -buildings. The Square, though irregular, is, on the whole, pretty well -laid out, spacious, open, and airy; and, in my opinion, by far the most -wholesome and agreeable situation in Bath, especially the upper side of -it; but the avenues to it are mean, dirty, dangerous, and indirect. Its -communication with the Baths, is through the yard of an inn, where the -poor trembling valetudinarian is carried in a chair, betwixt the heels -of a double row of horses, wincing under the curry-combs of grooms and -postilions, over and above the hazard of being obstructed, or overturned -by the carriages which are continually making their exit or their -entrance--I suppose after some chairmen shall have been maimed, and -a few lives lost by those accidents, the corporation will think, in -earnest, about providing a more safe and commodious passage. The Circus -is a pretty bauble, contrived for shew, and looks like Vespasian's -amphitheatre turned outside in. If we consider it in point of -magnificence, the great number of small doors belonging to the separate -houses, the inconsiderable height of the different orders, the affected -ornaments of the architrave, which are both childish and misplaced, -and the areas projecting into the street, surrounded with iron rails, -destroy a good part of its effect upon the eye; and, perhaps, we shall -find it still more defective, if we view it in the light of convenience. -The figure of each separate dwelling-house, being the segment of a -circle, must spoil the symmetry of the rooms, by contracting them -towards the street windows, and leaving a larger sweep in the space -behind. If, instead of the areas and iron rails, which seem to be of -very little use, there had been a corridore with arcades all round, -as in Covent-garden, the appearance of the whole would have been more -magnificent and striking; those arcades would have afforded an agreeable -covered walk, and sheltered the poor chairmen and their carriages from -the rain, which is here almost perpetual. At present, the chairs stand -soaking in the open street, from morning to night, till they become so -many boxes of wet leather, for the benefit of the gouty and rheumatic, -who are transported in them from place to place. Indeed this is a -shocking inconvenience that extends over the whole city; and, I am -persuaded, it produces infinite mischief to the delicate and infirm; -even the close chairs, contrived for the sick, by standing in the open -air, have their frize linings impregnated like so many spunges, with the -moisture of the atmosphere, and those cases of cold vapour must give -a charming check to the perspiration of a patient, piping hot from the -Bath, with all his pores wide open. - -But, to return to the Circus; it is inconvenient from its situation, at -so great a distance from all the markets, baths, and places of public -entertainment. The only entrance to it, through Gay-street, is so -difficult, steep, and slippery, that in wet weather, it must be -exceedingly dangerous, both for those that ride in carriages, and those -that walk a-foot; and when the street is covered with snow, as it was -for fifteen days successively this very winter, I don't see how any -individual could go either up or down, without the most imminent hazard -of broken bones. In blowing weather, I am told, most of the houses in -this hill are smothered with smoke, forced down the chimneys, by the -gusts of wind reverberated from the hill behind, which (I apprehend -likewise) must render the atmosphere here more humid and unwholesome -than it is in the square below; for the clouds, formed by the constant -evaporation from the baths and rivers in the bottom, will, in their -ascent this way, be first attracted and detained by the hill that rises -close behind the Circus, and load the air with a perpetual succession of -vapours: this point, however, may be easily ascertained by means of an -hygrometer, or a paper of salt of tartar exposed to the action of -the atmosphere. The same artist who planned the Circus, has likewise -projected a Crescent; when that is finished, we shall probably have a -Star; and those who are living thirty years hence, may, perhaps, see -all the signs of the Zodiac exhibited in architecture at Bath. These, -however fantastical, are still designs that denote some ingenuity and -knowledge in the architect; but the rage of building has laid hold on -such a number of adventurers, that one sees new houses starting up in -every out-let and every corner of Bath; contrived without judgment, -executed without solidity, and stuck together with so little regard -to plan and propriety, that the different lines of the new rows and -buildings interfere with, and intersect one another in every different -angle of conjunction. They look like the wreck of streets and squares -disjointed by an earthquake, which hath broken the ground into a variety -of holes and hillocks; or as if some Gothic devil had stuffed them -altogether in a bag, and left them to stand higgledy piggledy, just as -chance directed. What sort of a monster Bath will become in a few years, -with those growing excrescences, may be easily conceived: but the want -of beauty and proportion is not the worst effect of these new mansions; -they are built so slight, with the soft crumbling stone found in this -neighbourhood, that I shall never sleep quietly in one of them, when -it blowed (as the sailors say) a cap-full of wind; and, I am persuaded, -that my hind, Roger Williams, or any man of equal strength, would be -able to push his foot through the strongest part of their walls, without -any great exertion of his muscles. All these absurdities arise from the -general tide of luxury, which hath overspread the nation, and swept -away all, even the very dregs of the people. Every upstart of fortune, -harnessed in the trappings of the mode, presents himself at Bath, as in -the very focus of observation--Clerks and factors from the East Indies, -loaded with the spoil of plundered provinces; planters, negro-drivers, -and hucksters from our American plantations, enriched they know not -how; agents, commissaries, and contractors, who have fattened, in two -successive wars, on the blood of the nation; usurers, brokers, and -jobbers of every kind; men of low birth, and no breeding, have found -themselves suddenly translated into a state of affluence, unknown to -former ages; and no wonder that their brains should be intoxicated with -pride, vanity, and presumption. Knowing no other criterion of greatness, -but the ostentation of wealth, they discharge their affluence without -taste or conduct, through every channel of the most absurd extravagance; -and all of them hurry to Bath, because here, without any further -qualification, they can mingle with the princes and nobles of the land. -Even the wives and daughters of low tradesmen, who, like shovel-nosed -sharks, prey upon the blubber of those uncouth whales of fortune, are -infected with the same rage of displaying their importance; and the -slightest indisposition serves them for a pretext to insist upon being -conveyed to Bath, where they may hobble country-dances and cotillons -among lordlings, squires, counsellors, and clergy. These delicate -creatures from Bedfordbury, Butcher-row, Crutched-friers, and -Botolph-lane, cannot breathe in the gross air of the Lower Town, or -conform to the vulgar rules of a common lodging-house; the husband, -therefore, must provide an entire house, or elegant apartments in the -new buildings. Such is the composition of what is called the fashionable -company at Bath; where a very inconsiderable proportion of genteel -people are lost in a mob of impudent plebeians, who have neither -understanding nor judgment, nor the least idea of propriety and decorum; -and seem to enjoy nothing so much as an opportunity of insulting their -betters. - -Thus the number of people, and the number of houses continue to -increase; and this will ever be the case, till the streams that swell -this irresistible torrent of folly and extravagance, shall either be -exhausted, or turned into other channels, by incidents and events which -I do not pretend to foresee. This, I own, is a subject on which I cannot -write with any degree of patience; for the mob is a monster I never -could abide, either in its head, tail, midriff, or members; I detest the -whole of it, as a mass of ignorance, presumption, malice and brutality; -and, in this term of reprobation, I include, without respect of rank, -station, or quality, all those of both sexes, who affect its manners, -and court its society. - -But I have written till my fingers are crampt, and my nausea begins to -return--By your advice, I sent to London a few days ago for half a pound -of Gengzeng; though I doubt much, whether that which comes from America -is equally efficacious with what is brought from the East Indies. Some -years ago a friend of mine paid sixteen guineas for two ounces of -it; and, in six months after, it was sold in the same shop for five -shillings the pound. In short, we live in a vile world of fraud and -sophistication; so that I know nothing of equal value with the genuine -friendship of a sensible man; a rare jewel! which I cannot help thinking -myself in possession of, while I repeat the old declaration, that I am, -as usual, - -Dear Lewis, Your affectionate M. BRAMBLE, - -After having been agitated in a short hurricane, on my first arrival, -I have taken a small house in Milsham-street, where I am tolerably well -lodged, for five guineas a week. I was yesterday at the Pump-room, and -drank about a pint of water, which seems to agree with my stomach; and -to-morrow morning I shall bathe, for the first time; so that in a few -posts you may expect farther trouble; mean while, I am glad to find that -the inoculation has succeeded so well with poor Joyce, and that her face -will be but little marked. If my friend Sir Thomas was a single man, -I would not trust such a handsome wench in his family; but as I have -recommended her, in a particular manner, to the protection of lady G--, -who is one of the best women in the world, she may go thither without -hesitation as soon as she is quite recovered and fit for service--Let -her mother have money to provide her with necessaries, and she may ride -behind her brother on Bucks; but you must lay strong injunctions -on Jack, to take particular care of the trusty old veteran, who has -faithfully earned his present ease by his past services. - - - - -To Miss WILLIS at Gloucester. BATH, April 26. MY DEAREST COMPANION, - -The pleasure I received from yours, which came to hand yesterday, is -not to be expressed. Love and friendship are, without doubt, charming -passions; which absence serves only to heighten and improve. Your kind -present of the garnet bracelets, I shall keep as carefully as I preserve -my own life; and I beg you will accept, in return, my heart-housewife, -with the tortoise-shell memorandum-book, as a trifling pledge of my -unalterable affection. - -Bath is to me a new world--All is gayety, good-humour, and diversion. -The eye is continually entertained with the splendour of dress and -equipage; and the ear with the sound of coaches, chairs, and other -carriages. The merry bells ring round, from morn till night. Then we -are welcomed by the city-waits in our own lodgings; we have music in the -Pump-room every morning, cotillons every forenoon in the rooms, balls -twice a week, and concerts every other night, besides private assemblies -and parties without number--As soon as we were settled in lodgings, we -were visited by the Master of the Ceremonies; a pretty little gentleman, -so sweet, so fine, so civil, and polite, that in our country he might -pass for the prince of Wales; then he talks so charmingly, both in verse -and prose, that you would be delighted to hear him discourse; for you -must know he is a great writer, and has got five tragedies ready for the -stage. He did us the favour to dine with us, by my uncle's invitation; -and next day squired my aunt and me to every part of Bath; which, to be -sure, is an earthly paradise. The Square, the Circus, and the Parades, -put you in mind of the sumptuous palaces represented in prints and -pictures; and the new buildings, such as Princes-row, Harlequin's-row, -Bladud's-row, and twenty other rows, look like so many enchanted -castles, raised on hanging terraces. - -At eight in the morning, we go in dishabille to the Pump-room which is -crowded like a Welsh fair; and there you see the highest quality, -and the lowest trades folks, jostling each other, without ceremony, -hail-fellow well-met. The noise of the music playing in the gallery, -the heat and flavour of such a crowd, and the hum and buz of their -conversation, gave me the head-ach and vertigo the first day; but, -afterwards, all these things became familiar, and even agreeable.--Right -under the Pump-room windows is the King's Bath; a huge cistern, where -you see the patients up to their necks in hot water. The ladies wear -jackets and petticoats of brown linen with chip hats, in which they -fix their handkerchiefs to wipe the sweat from their faces; but, truly, -whether it is owing to the steam that surrounds them, or the heat of the -water, or the nature of the dress, or to all these causes together, they -look so flushed, and so frightful, that I always turn my eyes another -way--My aunt, who says every person of fashion should make her -appearance in the bath, as well as in the abbey church, contrived a cap -with cherry-coloured ribbons to suit her complexion, and obliged Win to -attend her yesterday morning in the water. But, really, her eyes were so -red, that they made mine water as I viewed her from the Pump-room; and -as for poor Win, who wore a hat trimmed with blue, what betwixt her wan -complexion and her fear, she looked like the ghost of some pale maiden, -who had drowned herself for love. When she came out of the bath, she -took assafoetida drops, and was fluttered all day; so that we could -hardly keep her from going into hysterics: but her mistress says it will -do her good; and poor Win curtsies, with the tears in her eyes. For -my part, I content myself with drinking about half a pint of the water -every morning. - -The pumper, with his wife and servant, attend within a bar; and the -glasses, of different sizes, stand ranged in order before them, so you -have nothing to do but to point at that which you choose, and it is -filled immediately, hot and sparkling from the pump. It is the only -hot water I could ever drink, without being sick--Far from having that -effect, it is rather agreeable to the taste, grateful to the stomach, -and reviving to the spirits. You cannot imagine what wonderful cures it -performs--My uncle began with it the other day; but he made wry faces in -drinking, and I'm afraid he will leave it off--The first day we came to -Bath, he fell into a violent passion; beat two black-a-moors, and I was -afraid he would have fought with their master; but the stranger proved -a peaceable man. To be sure, the gout had got into his head, as my aunt -observed; but, I believe, his passion drove it away; for he has been -remarkably well ever since. It is a thousand pities he should ever be -troubled with that ugly distemper; for, when he is free from pain, he is -the best tempered man upon earth; so gentle, so generous, so charitable, -that every body loves him; and so good to me, in particular, that I -shall never be able to shew the deep sense I have of his tenderness and -affection. - -Hard by the Pump-room, is a coffee-house for the ladies; but my aunt -says, young girls are not admitted, insomuch as the conversation -turns upon politics, scandal, philosophy, and other subjects above -our capacity; but we are allowed to accompany them to the booksellers' -shops, which are charming places of resort; where we read novels, plays, -pamphlets, and newspapers, for so small a subscription as a crown a -quarter; and in these offices of intelligence (as my brother calls them) -all the reports of the day, and all the private transactions of the -Bath, are first entered and discussed. From the bookseller's shop, we -make a tour through the milliners and toymen; and commonly stop at Mr -Gill's, the pastry-cook, to take a jelly, a tart, or a small bason of -vermicelli. There is, moreover, another place of entertainment on the -other side of the water, opposite to the Grove, to which the company -cross over in a boat--It is called Spring-garden; a sweet retreat, -laid out in walks and ponds, and parterres of flowers; and there is -a long-room for breakfasting and dancing. As the situation is low and -damp, and the season has been remarkably wet, my uncle won't suffer me -to go thither, lest I should catch cold: but my aunt says it is all a -vulgar prejudice; and, to be sure, a great many gentlemen and ladies of -Ireland frequent the place, without seeming to be the worse for it. They -say, dancing at Spring-gardens, when the air is moist, is recommended to -them as an excellent cure for the rheumatism. I have been twice at -the play; where, notwithstanding the excellence of the performers, the -gayety of the company, and the decorations of the theatre, which are -very fine, I could not help reflecting, with a sigh, upon our poor -homely representations at Gloucester--But this, in confidence to my dear -Willis--You know my heart, and will excuse its weakness. - -After all, the great scenes of entertainment at Bath, are the two -public rooms; where the company meet alternately every evening. They are -spacious, lofty, and, when lighted up, appear very striking. They are -generally crowded with well-dressed people, who drink tea in separate -parties, play at cards, walk, or sit and chat together, just as they are -disposed. Twice a-week there is a ball; the expence of which is defrayed -by a voluntary subscription among the gentlemen; and every subscriber -has three tickets. I was there Friday last with my aunt, under the care -of my brother, who is a subscriber; and Sir Ulic Mackilligut recommended -his nephew, captain O Donaghan, to me as a partner; but Jery excused -himself, by saying I had got the head-ach; and, indeed, it was really -so, though I can't imagine how he knew it. The place was so hot, and the -smell so different from what we are used to in the country, that I was -quite feverish when we came away. Aunt says it is the effect of a vulgar -constitution, reared among woods and mountains; and, that as I become -accustomed to genteel company, it will wear off.--Sir Ulic was very -complaisant, made her a great many high-flown compliments; and, when -we retired, handed her with great ceremony to her chair. The captain, I -believe, would have done me the same favour; but my brother seeing him -advance, took me under his arm, and wished him good night. The Captain -is a pretty man, to be sure; tall and strait, and well made; with -light-grey eyes, and a Roman nose; but there is a certain boldness in -his look and manner, that puts one out of countenance--But I am afraid -I have put you out of all patience with this long unconnected scrawl; -which I shall therefore conclude, with assuring you, that neither Bath, -nor London, nor all the diversions of life, shall ever be able to efface -the idea of my dear Letty, from the heart of her ever affectionate - -LYDIA MELFORD - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MOLLY JONES, - -Heaving got a frank, I now return your fever, which I received by Mr -Higgins, at the Hot Well, together with the stockings, which his wife -footed for me; but now they are of no survice. No body wears such things -in this place--O Molly! you that live in the country have no deception -of our doings at Bath. Here is such dressing, and fidling, and dancing, -and gadding, and courting and plotting--O gracious! if God had not -given me a good stock of discretion, what a power of things might not -I reveal, consarning old mistress and young mistress; Jews with beards -that were no Jews; but handsome Christians, without a hair upon their -sin, strolling with spectacles, to get speech of Miss Liddy. But she's -a dear sweet soul, as innocent as the child unborn. She has tould me all -her inward thoughts, and disclosed her passion for Mr Wilson; and that's -not his name neither; and thof he acted among the player-men, he is meat -for their masters; and she has gi'en me her yallow trollopea; which Mrs -Drab, the mantymaker, says will look very well when it is scowred and -smoaked with silfur--You knows as how, yallow fitts my fizzogmony. God -he knows what havock I shall make among the mail sex, when I make my -first appearance in this killing collar, with a full soot of gaze, as -good as new, that I bought last Friday of madam Friponeau, the French -mullaner--Dear girl, I have seen all the fine shews of Bath; the Prades, -the Squires, and the Circlis, the Crashit, the Hottogon, and Bloody -Buildings, and Harry King's row; and I have been twice in the Bath with -mistress, and na'r a smoak upon our backs, hussy. The first time I was -mortally afraid, and flustered all day; and afterwards made believe that -I had got the heddick; but mistress said, if I didn't go I should take -a dose of bumtaffy; and so remembering how it worked Mrs Gwyllim a -pennorth, I chose rather to go again with her into the Bath, and then I -met with an axident. I dropt my petticoat, and could not get it up from -the bottom.--But what did that signify; they mought laff but they could -see nothing; for I was up to the sin in water. To be sure, it threw me -into such a gumbustion, that I know not what I said, nor what I did, nor -how they got me out, and rapt me in a blanket--Mrs Tabitha scoulded a -little when we got home; but she knows as I know what's what Ah Laud -help you!--There is Sir Yury Micligut, of Balnaclinch, in the cunty of -Kalloway--I took down the name from his gentleman, Mr 0 Frizzle, and he -has got an estate of fifteen hundred a year--I am sure he is both rich -and generous--But you nose, Molly, I was always famous for keeping -secrets; and so he was very safe in trusting me with his flegm for -mistress; which, to be sure is very honourable; for Mr O Frizzle assures -me, he values not her portion a brass varthing--And, indeed, what's poor -ten thousand pounds to a Baron Knight of his fortune? and, truly, I told -Mr 0 Frizzle that was all she had trust to--As for John Thomas, he's -a morass fellor--I vow, I thought he would a fit with Mr 0 Frizzle, -because he axed me to dance with him at Spring Garden--But God he knows -I have no thoughts eyther of wan or t'other. - -As for house news, the worst is, Chowder has fallen off greatly from -his stomick--He cats nothing but white meats, and not much of that; -and wheezes, and seems to be much bloated. The doctors think he -is threatened with a dropsy--Parson Marrofat, who has got the same -disorder, finds great benefit from the waters; but Chowder seems to like -them no better than the squire; and mistress says, if his case don't -take a favourable turn, she will sartinly carry him to Aberga'ny, to -drink goat's whey--To be sure, the poor dear honymil is lost for want of -axercise; for which reason, she intends to give him an airing once a-day -upon the Downs, in a post-chaise--I have already made very creditable -connexions in this here place; where, to be sure, we have the very -squintasense of satiety--Mrs Patcher, my lady Kilmacullock's woman, and -I are sworn sisters. She has shewn me all her secrets, and learned me to -wash gaze, and refrash rusty silks and bumbeseens, by boiling them with -winegar, chamberlye, and stale beer. My short sack and apron luck as -good as new from the shop, and my pumpydoor as fresh as a rose, by -the help of turtle-water--But this is all Greek and Latten to you, -Molly--If we should come to Aberga'ny, you'll be within a day's ride of -us; and then we shall see wan another, please God--If not, remember -me in your prayers, as I shall do by you in mine; and take care of my -kitten, and give my kind sarvice to Sall; and this is all at present, -from your beloved friend and sarvent, - -W. JENKINS BATH, April 26. - - - - -To Mrs GWYLLIM, house-keeper at Brambleton-hall. - -I am astonished that Dr Lewis should take upon him to give away -Alderney, without my privity and concurrants--What signifies my -brother's order? My brother is little better than Noncompush. He would -give away the shirt off his back, and the teeth out of his head; nay, as -for that matter; he would have ruinated the family with his ridiculous -charities, if it had not been for my four quarters--What between his -willfullness and his waste, his trumps, and his frenzy, I lead the life -of an indented slave. Alderney gave four gallons a-day, ever since the -calf was sent to market. There is so much milk out of my dairy, and the -press must stand still: but I won't loose a cheese pairing; and the milk -shall be made good, if the sarvents should go without butter. If they -must needs have butter, let them make it of sheep's milk; but then my -wool will suffer for want of grace; so that I must be a loser on all -sides. Well, patience is like a stout Welsh poney; it bears a great -deal, and trots a great way; but it will tire at the long run. Before -its long, perhaps I may shew Matt, that I was not born to be the -household drudge to my dying day--Gwyn rites from Crickhowel, that the -price of flannel is fallen three-farthings an ell; and that's another -good penny out of my pocket. When I go to market to sell, my commodity -stinks; but when I want to buy the commonest thing, the owner pricks -it up under my nose; and it can't be had for love nor money--I think -everything runs cross at Brambleton-hall--You say the gander has broke -the eggs; which is a phinumenon I don't understand: for when the fox -carried off the old goose last year, he took her place, and hatched the -eggs, and partected the goslings like a tender parent--Then you tell me -the thunder has soured two barrels of beer in the seller. But how the -thunder should get there, when the seller was double-locked, I can't -comprehend. Howsomever, I won't have the beer thrown out, till I see it -with my own eyes. Perhaps, it will recover--At least it will serve for -vinegar to the servants.--You may leave off the fires in my brother's -chamber and mine, as it is unsartain when we return.--I hope, Gwyllim, -you'll take care there is no waste; and have an eye to the maids, and -keep them to their spinning. I think they may go very well without beer -in hot weather--it serves only to inflame the blood, and set them -a-gog after the men. Water will make them fair and keep them cool and -tamperit. Don't forget to put up in the portmantel, that cums with -Williams, along with my riding-habit, hat, and feather, the viol of purl -water, and the tincktur for my stomach; being as how I am much troubled -with flutterencies. This is all at present, from - -Yours, TABITHA BRAMBLE BATH, April 26. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -I have done with the waters; therefore your advice comes a day too late -I grant that physic is no mystery of your making. I know it is a mystery -in its own nature; and, like other mysteries, requires a strong gulp of -faith to make it go down--Two days ago, I went into the King's Bath, -by the advice of our friend Ch--, in order to clear the strainer of the -skin, for the benefit of a free perspiration; and the first object that -saluted my eye, was a child full of scrophulous ulcers, carried in the -arms of one of the guides, under the very noses of the bathers. I was -so shocked at the sight, that I retired immediately with indignation -and disgust--Suppose the matter of those ulcers, floating on the water, -comes in contact with my skin, when the pores are all open, I would ask -you what must be the consequence?--Good Heaven, the very thought makes -my blood run cold! we know not what sores may be running into the water -while we are bathing, and what sort of matter we may thus imbibe; the -king's-evil, the scurvy, the cancer, and the pox; and, no doubt, the -heat will render the virus the more volatile and penetrating. To purify -myself from all such contamination, I went to the duke of Kingston's -private Bath, and there I was almost suffocated for want of free air; -the place was so small, and the steam so stifling. - -After all, if the intention is no more than to wash the skin, I -am convinced that simple element is more effectual than any water -impregnated with salt and iron; which, being astringent, will certainly -contract the pores, and leave a kind of crust upon the surface of the -body. But I am now as much afraid of drinking, as of bathing; for, after -a long conversation with the Doctor, about the construction of the -pump and the cistern, it is very far from being clear with me, that the -patients in the Pump-room don't swallow the scourings of the bathers. I -can't help suspecting, that there is, or may be, some regurgitation from -the bath into the cistern of the pump. In that case, what a delicate -beveridge is every day quaffed by the drinkers; medicated with the sweat -and dirt, and dandriff; and the abominable discharges of various kinds, -from twenty different diseased bodies, parboiling in the kettle below. -In order to avoid this filthy composition, I had recourse to the spring -that supplies the private baths on the Abbey-green; but I at once -perceived something extraordinary in the taste and smell; and, upon -inquiry, I find that the Roman baths in this quarter, were found covered -by an old burying ground, belonging to the Abbey; through which, in all -probability, the water drains in its passage; so that as we drink the -decoction of living bodies at the Pump-room, we swallow the strainings -of rotten bones and carcasses at the private bath. I vow to God, the -very idea turns my stomach! Determined, as I am, against any farther use -of the Bath waters, this consideration would give me little disturbance, -if I could find any thing more pure, or less pernicious, to quench my -thirst; but, although the natural springs of excellent water are seen -gushing spontaneous on every side, from the hills that surround us, the -inhabitants, in general, make use of well-water, so impregnated with -nitre, or alum, or some other villainous mineral, that it is equally -ungrateful to the taste, and mischievous to the constitution. It must -be owned, indeed, that here, in Milsham-street, we have a precarious and -scanty supply from the hill; which is collected in an open bason in -the Circus, liable to be defiled with dead dogs, cats, rats, and every -species of nastiness, which the rascally populace may throw into it, -from mere wantonness and brutality. Well, there is no nation that drinks -so hoggishly as the English. - -What passes for wine among us, is not the juice of the grape. It is an -adulterous mixture, brewed up of nauseous ingredients, by dunces, -who are bunglers in the art of poison-making; and yet we, and our -forefathers, are and have been poisoned by this cursed drench, without -taste or flavour--The only genuine and wholesome beveridge in England, -is London porter, and Dorchester table-beer; but as for your ale and -your gin, your cyder and your perry, and all the trashy family of -made wines, I detest them as infernal compositions, contrived for the -destruction of the human species--But what have I to do with the human -species? except a very few friends, I care not if the whole was--. - -Heark ye, Lewis, my misanthropy increases every day--The longer I -live, I find the folly and the fraud of mankind grow more and more -intolerable--I wish I had not come from Brambletonhall; after having -lived in solitude so long, I cannot bear the hurry and impertinence of -the multitude; besides, every thing is sophisticated in these crowded -places. Snares are laid for our lives in every thing we cat or drink: -the very air we breathe, is loaded with contagion. We cannot even -sleep, without risque of infection. I say, infection--This place is -the rendezvous of the diseased--You won't deny, that many diseases are -infectious; even the consumption itself, is highly infectious. When a -person dies of it in Italy, the bed and bedding are destroyed; the other -furniture is exposed to the weather and the apartment white-washed, -before it is occupied by any other living soul. You'll allow, that -nothing receives infection sooner, or retains it longer, than blankets, -feather-beds, and matrasses--'Sdeath! how do I know what miserable -objects have been stewing in the bed where I now lie!--I wonder, Dick, -you did not put me in mind of sending for my own matrasses--But, if I -had not been an ass, I should not have needed a remembrancer--There is -always some plaguy reflection that rises up in judgment against me, and -ruffles my spirits--Therefore, let us change the subject. - -I have other reasons for abridging my stay at Bath--You know sister -Tabby's complexion--If Mrs Tabitha Bramble had been of any other race, -I should certainly have considered her as the most--. But, the truth -is, she has found means to interest my affection; or, rather, she is -beholden to the force of prejudice, commonly called the ties of -blood. Well, this amiable maiden has actually commenced a flirting -correspondence with an Irish baronet of sixty-five. His name is Sir Ulic -Mackilligut. He is said to be much out at elbows; and, I believe, has -received false intelligence with respect to her fortune. Be that as -it may, the connexion is exceedingly ridiculous, and begins already -to excite whispers. For my part, I have no intention to dispute her -free-agency; though I shall fall upon some expedient to undeceive her -paramour, as to the point which he has principally in view. But I don't -think her conduct is a proper example for Liddy, who has also attracted -the notice of some coxcombs in the Rooms; and Jery tells me, he suspects -a strapping fellow, the knight's nephew, of some design upon the girl's -heart. I shall, therefore, keep a strict eye over her aunt and her, -and even shift the scene, if I find the matter grow more serious--You -perceive what an agreeable task it must be, to a man of my kidney, to -have the cure of such souls as these.--But, hold, You shall not have -another peevish word (till the next occasion) from - -Yours, MATT. BRAMBLE BATH, April 28. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -I think those people are unreasonable, who complain that Bath is a -contracted circle, in which the same dull scenes perpetually revolve, -without variation--I am, on the contrary, amazed to find so small a -place so crowded with entertainment and variety. London itself can -hardly exhibit one species of diversion, to which we have not something -analogous at Bath, over and above those singular advantages that are -peculiar to the place. Here, for example, a man has daily opportunities -of seeing the most remarkable characters of the community. He sees -them in their natural attitudes and true colours; descended from their -pedestals, and divested of their formal draperies, undisguised by art -and affectation--Here we have ministers of state, judges, generals, -bishops, projectors, philosophers, wits, poets, players, chemists, -fiddlers, and buffoons. If he makes any considerable stay in the place, -he is sure of meeting with some particular friend, whom he did not -expect to see; and to me there is nothing more agreeable than such -casual reencounters. Another entertainment, peculiar to Bath, arises -from the general mixture of all degrees assembled in our public -rooms, without distinction of rank or fortune. This is what my uncle -reprobates, as a monstrous jumble of heterogeneous principles; a vile -mob of noise and impertinence, without decency or subordination. But -this chaos is to me a source of infinite amusement. - -I was extremely diverted last ball-night to see the Master of the -Ceremonies leading, with great solemnity, to the upper end of the room, -an antiquated Abigail, dressed in her lady's cast-clothes; whom he (I -suppose) mistook for some countess just arrived at the Bath. The -ball was opened by a Scotch lord, with a mulatto heiress from St -Christopher's; and the gay colonel Tinsel danced all the evening -with the daughter of an eminent tinman from the borough of Southwark. -Yesterday morning, at the Pump-room, I saw a broken-winded -Wapping landlady squeeze through a circle of peers, to salute her -brandy-merchant, who stood by the window, propped upon crutches; and a -paralytic attorney of Shoe-lane, in shuffling up to the bar, kicked the -shins of the chancellor of England, while his lordship, in a cut bob, -drank a glass of water at the pump. I cannot account for my being -pleased with these incidents, any other way, than by saying they are -truly ridiculous in their own nature, and serve to heighten the humour -in the farce of life, which I am determined to enjoy as long as I can. - -Those follies, that move my uncle's spleen, excite my laughter. He is -as tender as a man without a skin; who cannot bear the slightest touch -without flinching. What tickles another would give him torment; and -yet he has what we may call lucid intervals, when he is remarkably -facetious--Indeed, I never knew a hypochondriac so apt to be infected -with good-humour. He is the most risible misanthrope I ever met with. -A lucky joke, or any ludicrous incident, will set him a-laughing -immoderately, even in one of his most gloomy paroxysms; and, when the -laugh is over, he will curse his own imbecility. In conversing with -strangers, he betrays no marks of disquiet--He is splenetic with his -familiars only; and not even with them, while they keep his attention -employed; but when his spirits are not exerted externally, they seem -to recoil and prey upon himself--He has renounced the waters with -execration; but he begins to find a more efficacious, and, certainly, -a much more palatable remedy in the pleasures of society. He has -discovered some old friends, among the invalids of Bath; and, in -particular, renewed his acquaintance with the celebrated James Quin, who -certainly did not come here to drink water. You cannot doubt, but that I -had the strongest curiosity to know this original; and it was gratified -by Mr Bramble, who has had him twice at our house to dinner. - -So far as I am able to judge, Quin's character is rather more -respectable than it has been generally represented. His bon mots are in -every witling's mouth; but many of them have a rank flavour, which one -would be apt to think was derived from a natural grossness of idea. -I suspect, however, that justice has not been done the author, by the -collectors of those Quiniana; who have let the best of them slip through -their fingers, and only retained such as were suited to the taste and -organs of the multitude. How far he may relax in his hours of jollity, I -cannot pretend to say; but his general conversation is conducted by the -nicest rules of Propriety; and Mr James Quin is, certainly, one of the -best bred men in the kingdom. He is not only a most agreeable companion -but (as I am credibly informed) a very honest man; highly susceptible -of friendship, warm, steady, and even generous in his attachments, -disdaining flattery, and incapable of meanness and dissimulation. Were I -to judge, however, from Quin's eye alone, I should take him to be proud, -insolent, and cruel. There is something remarkably severe and forbidding -in his aspect; and, I have been told, he was ever disposed to insult his -inferiors and dependants.--Perhaps that report has influenced my opinion -of his looks--You know we are the fools of prejudice. Howsoever that may -be, I have as yet seen nothing but his favourable side, and my uncle, -who frequently confers with him, in a corner, declares he is one of the -most sensible men he ever knew--He seems to have a reciprocal regard for -old Squaretoes, whom he calls by the familiar name of Matthew, and often -reminds of their old tavern-adventures: on the other hand, Matthew's -eyes sparkle whenever Quin makes his appearance--Let him be never so -jarring and discordant, Quin puts him in tune; and, like treble and bass -in the same concert, they make excellent music together--. T'other day, -the conversation turning upon Shakespeare, I could not help saying, with -some emotion, that I would give an hundred guineas to see Mr Quin act -the part of Falstaff; upon which, turning to me with a smile, 'And I -would give a thousand, young gentleman (said he) that I could gratify -your longing.' My uncle and he are perfectly agreed in their estimate of -life; which Quin says, would stink in his nostrils, if he did not steep -it in claret. - -I want to see this phenomenon in his cups; and have almost prevailed -upon uncle to give him a small turtle at the Bear. In the mean time, I -must entertain you with an incident, that seems to confirm the judgment -of those two cynic philosophers. I took the liberty to differ in opinion -from Mr Bramble, when he observed, that the mixture of people in the -entertainments of this place was destructive of all order and urbanity; -that it rendered the plebeians insufferably arrogant and troublesome, -and vulgarized the deportment and sentiments of those who moved in the -upper spheres of life. He said such a preposterous coalition would bring -us into contempt with all our neighbours; and was worse, in fact, than -debasing the gold coin of the nation. I argued, on the contrary, that -those plebeians who discovered such eagerness to imitate the dress and -equipage of their superiors, would likewise, in time, adopt their maxims -and their manners, be polished by their conversation, and refined by -their example; but when I appealed to Mr Quin, and asked if he did not -think that such an unreserved mixture would improve the whole mass? 'Yes -(said he) as a plate of marmalade would improve a pan of sirreverence.' - -I owned I was not much conversant in high-life, but I had seen what were -called polite assemblies in London and elsewhere; that those of Bath -seemed to be as decent as any; and that, upon the whole, the individuals -that composed it, would not be found deficient in good manners and -decorum. 'But let us have recourse to experience (said I)--Jack Holder, -who was intended for a parson, has succeeded to an estate of two -thousand a year, by the death of his elder brother. He is now at the -Bath, driving about in a phaeton and four, with French horns. He has -treated with turtle and claret at all the taverns in Bath and Bristol, -till his guests are gorged with good chear: he has bought a dozen suits -of fine clothes, by the advice of the Master of the Ceremonies, under -whose tuition he has entered himself. He has lost hundreds at billiards -to sharpers, and taken one of the nymphs of Avon-street into keeping; -but, finding all these channels insufficient to drain him of his current -cash, his counsellor has engaged him to give a general tea-drinking -to-morrow at Wiltshire's room. In order to give it the more eclat, every -table is to be furnished with sweet-meats and nosegays; which, however, -are not to be touched till notice is given by the ringing of a bell, and -then the ladies may help themselves without restriction. This will be no -bad way of trying the company's breeding.' - -'I will abide by that experiment (cried my uncle) and if I could find -a place to stand secure, without the vortex of the tumult, which I know -will ensue, I would certainly go thither and enjoy the scene.' Quin -proposed that we should take our station in the music-gallery, and -we took his advice. Holder had got thither before us, with his horns -perdue, but we were admitted. The tea-drinking passed as usual, and the -company having risen from the tables, were sauntering in groupes, in -expectation of the signal for attack, when the bell beginning to -ring, they flew with eagerness to the dessert, and the whole place was -instantly in commotion. There was nothing but justling, scrambling, -pulling, snatching, struggling, scolding, and screaming. The nosegays -were torn from one another's hands and bosoms; the glasses and china -went to wreck; the tables and floors were strewed with comfits. Some -cried; some swore; and the tropes and figures of Billingsgate were used -without reserve in all their native zest and flavour; nor were those -flowers of rhetoric unattended with significant gesticulation. Some -snapped their fingers; some forked them out; some clapped their hands, -and some their back-sides; at length, they fairly proceeded to pulling -caps, and every thing seemed to presage a general battle; when Holder -ordered his horns to sound a charge, with a view to animate the -combatants, and inflame the contest; but this manoeuvre produced an -effect quite contrary to what he expected. It was a note of reproach -that roused them to an immediate sense of their disgraceful situation. -They were ashamed of their absurd deportment, and suddenly desisted. -They gathered up their caps, ruffles, and handkerchiefs; and great part -of them retired in silent mortification. - -Quin laughed at this adventure; but my uncle's delicacy was hurt. He -hung his head in manifest chagrin, and seemed to repine at the triumph -of his judgment--Indeed, his victory was more complete than he imagined; -for, as we afterwards learned, the two amazons who singularized -themselves most in the action, did not come from the purlieus of -Puddle-dock, but from the courtly neighbourhood of St James's palace. -One was a baroness, and the other, a wealthy knight's dowager--My uncle -spoke not a word, till we had made our retreat good to the coffee-house; -where, taking off his hat and wiping his forehead, 'I bless God (said -he) that Mrs Tabitha Bramble did not take the field today!' 'I would pit -her for a cool hundred (cried Quin) against the best shake-bag of the -whole main.' The truth is, nothing could have kept her at home but the -accident of her having taken physic before she knew the nature of the -entertainment. She has been for some days furbishing up an old suit of -black velvet, to make her appearance as Sir Ulic's partner at the next -ball. - -I have much to say of this amiable kinswoman; but she has not been -properly introduced to your acquaintance. She is remarkably civil to -Mr Quin; of whose sarcastic humour she seems to stand in awe; but her -caution is no match for her impertinence. 'Mr Gwynn (said she the other -day) I was once vastly entertained with your playing the Ghost of Gimlet -at Drury-lane, when you rose up through the stage, with a white face and -red eyes, and spoke of quails upon the frightful porcofine--Do, pray, -spout a little the Ghost of Gimlet.' 'Madam (said Quin, with a glance of -ineffable disdain) the Ghost of Gimlet is laid, never to rise again'-- -Insensible of this check, she proceeded: 'Well, to be sure, you looked -and talked so like a real ghost; and then the cock crowed so natural. -I wonder how you could teach him to crow so exact, in the very nick of -time; but, I suppose, he's game--An't he game, Mr Gwynn?' 'Dunghill, -madam.'--'Well, dunghill, or not dunghill, he has got such a clear -counter-tenor, that I wish I had such another at Brambleton-hall, to -wake the maids of a morning. Do you know where I could find one of his -brood?' 'Probably in the work-house at St Giles's parish, madam; but I -protest I know not his particular mew!' My uncle, frying with vexation, -cried, 'Good God, sister, how you talk! I have told you twenty times, -that this gentleman's name is not Gwynn.'--'Hoity toity, brother mine -(she replied) no offence, I hope--Gwynn is an honorable name, of true -old British extraction--I thought the gentleman had been come of Mrs -Helen Gwynn, who was of his own profession; and if so be that were the -case, he might be of king Charles's breed, and have royal blood in his -veins.'--'No, madam (answered Quin, with great solemnity) my mother was -not a whore of such distinction--True it is, I am sometimes tempted -to believe myself of royal descent; for my inclinations are often -arbitrary--If I was an absolute prince, at this instant, I believe I -should send for the head of your cook in a charger--She has committed -felony, on the person of that John Dory, which is mangled in a cruel -manner, and even presented without sauce--O tempora! O mores!' - -This good-humoured sally turned the conversation into a less -disagreeable channel--But, lest you should think my scribble as tedious -as Mrs Tabby's clack, I shall not add another word, but that I am as -usual - -Yours, J. MELFORD BATH, April 30. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -I received your bill upon Wiltshire, which was punctually honoured; but -as I don't choose to keep so much cash by me, in a common lodging house, -I have deposited 250l. in the bank of Bath, and shall take their bills -for it in London, when I leave this place, where the season draws to an -end--You must know, that now being a-foot, I am resolved to give Liddy a -glimpse of London. She is one of the best hearted creatures I ever knew, -and gains upon my affection every day--As for Tabby, I have dropt such -hints to the Irish baronet, concerning her fortune, as, I make no doubt, -will cool the ardour of his addresses. Then her pride will take the -alarm; and the rancour of stale maidenhood being chafed, we shall hear -nothing but slander and abuse of Sir Ulic Mackilligut--This rupture, -I foresee, will facilitate our departure from Bath; where, at present, -Tabby seems to enjoy herself with peculiar satisfaction. For my part, I -detest it so much, that I should not have been able to stay so long in -the place if I had not discovered some old friends; whose conversation -alleviates my disgust--Going to the coffeehouse one forenoon, I -could not help contemplating the company, with equal surprize and -compassion--We consisted of thirteen individuals; seven lamed by the -gout, rheumatism, or palsy; three maimed by accident; and the rest -either deaf or blind. One hobbled, another hopped, a third dragged his -legs after him like a wounded snake, a fourth straddled betwixt a pair -of long crutches, like the mummy of a felon hanging in chains; a fifth -was bent into a horizontal position, like a mounted telescope, shoved in -by a couple of chairmen; and a sixth was the bust of a man, set upright -in a wheel machine, which the waiter moved from place to place. - -Being struck with some of their faces, I consulted the -subscription-book; and, perceiving the names of several old friends, -began to consider the groupe with more attention. At length I discovered -rear-admiral Balderick, the companion of my youth, whom I had not seen -since he was appointed lieutenant of the Severn. He was metamorphosed -into an old man, with a wooden leg and a weatherbeaten face, which -appeared the more ancient from his grey locks, that were truly -venerable--Sitting down at the table, where he was reading a news-paper, -I gazed at him for some minutes, with a mixture of pleasure and regret, -which made my heart gush with tenderness; then, taking him by the hand, -'Ah, Sam (said I) forty years ago I little thought'--I was too much -moved to proceed. 'An old friend, sure enough! (cried he, squeezing my -hand, and surveying me eagerly through his glasses) I know the looming -of the vessel, though she has been hard strained since we parted; but I -can't heave up the name'--The moment I told him who I was, he exclaimed, -'Ha! Matt, my old fellow cruizer, still afloat!' And, starting up, -hugged me in his arms. His transport, however, boded me no good; for, in -saluting me, he thrust the spring of his spectacles into my eye, and, -at the same time, set his wooden stump upon my gouty toe; an attack that -made me shed tears in sad earnest--After the hurry of our recognition -was over, he pointed out two of our common friends in the room: the bust -was what remained of colonel Cockril, who had lost the use of his -limbs in making an American campaign; and the telescope proved to be -my college chum, sir Reginald Bently; who, with his new title, and -unexpected inheritance, commenced fox-hunter, without having served -his apprenticeship to the mystery; and, in consequence of following the -hounds through a river, was seized with an inflammation of his bowels, -which has contracted him into his present attitude. - -Our former correspondence was forthwith renewed, with the most hearty -expressions of mutual good-will, and as we had met so unexpectedly, we -agreed to dine together that very day at the tavern. My friend Quin, -being luckily unengaged, obliged us with his company; and, truly, this -the most happy day I have passed these twenty years. You and I, Lewis, -having been always together, never tasted friendship in this high gout, -contracted from long absence. I cannot express the half of what I felt -at this casual meeting of three or four companions, who had been so -long separated, and so roughly treated by the storms of life. It was a -renovation of youth; a kind of resuscitation of the dead, that realized -those interesting dreams, in which we sometimes retrieve our ancient -friends from the grave. Perhaps my enjoyment was not the less pleasing -for being mixed with a strain of melancholy, produced by the remembrance -of past scenes, that conjured up the ideas of some endearing connexions, -which the hand of Death has actually dissolved. - -The spirits and good humour of the company seemed to triumph over the -wreck of their constitutions. They had even philosophy enough to -joke upon their own calamities; such is the power of friendship, the -sovereign cordial of life--I afterwards found, however, that they were -not without their moments, and even hours of disquiet. Each of them -apart, in succeeding conferences, expatiated upon his own particular -grievances; and they were all malcontents at bottom--Over and above -their personal disasters, they thought themselves unfortunate in the -lottery of life. Balderick complained, that all the recompence he -had received for his long and hard service, was the half-pay of a -rear-admiral. The colonel was mortified to see himself over-topped by -upstart generals, some of whom he had once commanded; and, being a man -of a liberal turn, could ill put up with a moderate annuity, for which -he had sold his commission. As for the baronet, having run himself -considerably in debt, on a contested election, he has been obliged to -relinquish his seat in parliament, and his seat in the country at the -same time, and put his estate to nurse; but his chagrin, which is the -effect of his own misconduct, does not affect me half so much as that of -the other two, who have acted honourable and distinguished parts on the -great theatre, and are now reduced to lead a weary life in this stew-pan -of idleness and insignificance. They have long left off using the -waters, after having experienced their inefficacy. The diversions of the -place they are not in a condition to enjoy. How then do they make shift -to pass their time? In the forenoon they crawl out to the Rooms or -the coffeehouse, where they take a hand at whist, or descant upon the -General Advertiser; and their evenings they murder in private parties, -among peevish invalids, and insipid old women--This is the case with -a good number of individuals, whom nature seems to have intended for -better purposes. - -About a dozen years ago, many decent families, restricted to small -fortunes, besides those that came hither on the score of health, were -tempted to settle at Bath, where they could then live comfortably, and -even make a genteel appearance, at a small expence: but the madness of -the times has made the place too hot for them, and they are now obliged -to think of other migrations--Some have already fled to the mountains -of Wales, and others have retired to Exeter. Thither, no doubt, they -will be followed by the flood of luxury and extravagance, which will -drive them from place to place to the very Land's End; and there, I -suppose, they will be obliged to ship themselves to some other country. -Bath is become a mere sink of profligacy and extortion. Every article of -house-keeping is raised to an enormous price; a circumstance no longer -to be wondered at, when we know that every petty retainer of fortune -piques himself upon keeping a table, and thinks it is for the honour -of his character to wink at the knavery of his servants, who are in a -confederacy with the market-people; and, of consequence, pay whatever -they demand. Here is now a mushroom of opulence, who pays a cook seventy -guineas a week for furnishing him with one meal a day. This portentous -frenzy is become so contagious, that the very rabble and refuse of -mankind are infected. I have known a negro-driver, from Jamaica, pay -over-night, to the master of one of the rooms, sixty-five guineas for -tea and coffee to the company, and leave Bath next morning, in such -obscurity, that not one of his guests had the slightest idea of his -person, or even made the least inquiry about his name. Incidents of this -kind are frequent; and every day teems with fresh absurdities, which are -too gross to make a thinking man merry. - ---But I feel the spleen creeping on me apace; and therefore will indulge -you with a cessation, that you may have no unnecessary cause to curse -your correspondence with, - -Dear Dick, Yours ever, MAT. BRAMBLE BATH, May 5. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -I wrote you at great length by the post, the twenty-sixth of last month, -to which I refer you for an account of our proceedings at Bath; and I -expect your answer with impatience. But, having this opportunity of a -private hand, I send you two dozen of Bath rings; six of the best of -which I desire you will keep for yourself, and distribute the rest among -the young ladies, our common friends, as you shall think proper--I don't -know how you will approve of the mottoes; some of them are not much -to my own liking; but I was obliged to take such as I could find ready -manufactured--I am vexed, that neither you nor I have received any -further information of a certain person--Sure it cannot be wilful -neglect!--O my dear Willis! I begin to be visited by strange fancies, -and to have some melancholy doubts; which, however, it would be -ungenerous to harbour without further inquiry--My uncle, who has made -me a present of a very fine set of garnets, talks of treating us with a -jaunt to London; which, you may imagine, will be highly agreeable; but -I like Bath so well, that I hope he won't think of leaving it till the -season is quite over; and yet, betwixt friends, something has happened -to my aunt, which will probably shorten our stay in this place. - -Yesterday, in the forenoon, she went by herself to a breakfasting in one -of the rooms; and, in half an hour, returned in great agitation, having -Chowder along with her in the chair. I believe some accident must have -happened to that unlucky animal, which is the great source of all her -troubles. Dear Letty! what a pity it is, that a woman of her years -and discretion, should place her affection upon such an ugly, -ill-conditioned cur, that snarls and snaps at every body. I asked John -Thomas, the footman who attended her, what was the matter? and he did -nothing but grin. A famous dog-doctor was sent for, and undertook to -cure the patient, provided he might carry him home to his own house; but -his mistress would not part with him out of her own sight--She ordered -the cook to warm cloths, which she applied to his bowels, with her own -hand. She gave up all thoughts of going to the ball in the evening; and -when Sir Ulic came to drink tea, refused to be seen; so that he went -away to look for another partner. My brother Jery whistles and dances. -My uncle sometimes shrugs up his shoulders, and sometimes bursts out -a-laughing. My aunt sobs and scolds by turns; and her woman, Win. -Jenkins, stares and wonders with a foolish face of curiosity; and, for -my part, I am as curious as she, but ashamed to ask questions. - -Perhaps time will discover the mystery; for if it was any thing that -happened in the Rooms, it cannot be long concealed--All I know is, that -last night at supper, miss Bramble spoke very disdainfully of Sir Ulic -Mackilligut, and asked her brother if he intended to keep us sweltering -all the summer at Bath? 'No, sister Tabitha (said he, with an arch -smile) we shall retreat before the Dog-days begin; though I make no -doubt, that with a little temperance and discretion, our constitutions -might be kept cool enough all the year, even at Bath.' As I don't know -the meaning of this insinuation, I won't pretend to make any remarks -upon it at present: hereafter, perhaps, I may be able to explain it more -to your satisfaction--In the mean time, I beg you will be punctual in -your correspondence, and continue to love your ever faithful - -LYDIA MELFORD BATH, May 6. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -So then Mrs Blackerby's affair has proved a false alarm, and I have -saved my money? I wish, however, her declaration had not been so -premature; for though my being thought capable of making her a mother, -might have given me some credit, the reputation of an intrigue with such -a cracked pitcher does me no honour at all In my last I told you I had -hopes of seeing Quin, in his hours of elevation at the tavern which is -the temple of mirth and good fellowship; where he, as priest of Comus, -utters the inspirations of wit and humour--I have had that satisfaction. -I have dined with his club at the Three Tuns, and had the honour to sit -him out. At half an hour past eight in the evening, he was carried -home with six good bottles of claret under his belt; and it being then -Friday, he gave orders that he should not be disturbed till Sunday at -noon--You must not imagine that this dose had any other effect upon his -conversation, but that of making it more extravagantly entertaining--He -had lost the use of his limbs, indeed, several hours before we parted, -but he retained all his other faculties in perfection; and as he gave -vent to every whimsical idea as it rose, I was really astonished at the -brilliancy of his thoughts, and the force of his expression. Quin is a -real voluptuary in the articles of eating and drinking; and so confirmed -an epicure, in the common acceptation of the term, that he cannot put up -with ordinary fare. This is a point of such importance with him, that he -always takes upon himself the charge of catering; and a man admitted -to his mess, is always sure of eating delicate victuals, and drinking -excellent wine--He owns himself addicted to the delights of the stomach, -and often jokes upon his own sensuality; but there is nothing selfish in -this appetite--He finds that good chear unites good company, exhilerates -the spirits, opens the heart, banishes all restraint from conversation, -and promotes the happiest purposes of social life. But Mr James Quin -is not a subject to be discussed in the compass of one letter; I shall -therefore, at present, leave him to his repose, and call another of a -very different complexion. - -You desire to have further acquaintance with the person of our aunt, -and promise yourself much entertainment from her connexion with Sir Ulic -Mackilligut: but in this hope you are baulked already; that connexion is -dissolved. The Irish baronet is an old hound, that, finding her carrion, -has quitted the scent--I have already told you, that Mrs Tabitha Bramble -is a maiden of forty-five. In her person, she is tall, raw-boned, -aukward, flat-chested, and stooping; her complexion is sallow and -freckled; her eyes are not grey, but greenish, like those of a cat, and -generally inflamed; her hair is of a sandy, or rather dusty hue; her -forehead low; her nose long, sharp, and, towards the extremity, always -red in cool weather; her lips skinny, her mouth extensive, her teeth -straggling and loose, of various colours and conformation; and her long -neck shrivelled into a thousand wrinkles--In her temper, she is proud, -stiff, vain, imperious, prying, malicious, greedy, and uncharitable. In -all likelihood, her natural austerity has been soured by disappointment -in love; for her long celibacy is by no means owing to her dislike of -matrimony: on the contrary, she has left no stone unturned to avoid the -reproachful epithet of old maid. - -Before I was born, she had gone such lengths in the way of flirting -with a recruiting officer, that her reputation was a little singed. She -afterwards made advances to the curate of the parish, who dropped some -distant hints about the next presentation to the living, which was in -her brother's gift; but finding that was already promised to another, he -flew off at a tangent; and Mrs Tabby, in revenge, found means to deprive -him of his cure. Her next lover was lieutenant of a man of war, a -relation of the family, who did not understand the refinements of the -passion, and expressed no aversion to grapple with cousin Tabby in the -way of marriage; but before matters could be properly adjusted, he went -out on a cruise, and was killed in an engagement with a French frigate. -Our aunt, though baffled so often, did not yet despair. She layed all -her snares for Dr Lewis, who is the fidus Achates of my uncle. She even -fell sick upon the occasion, and prevailed with Matt to interpose in her -behalf with his friend; but the Doctor, being a shy cock, would not be -caught with chaff, and flatly rejected the proposal: so that Mrs Tabitha -was content to exert her patience once more, after having endeavoured -in vain to effect a rupture betwixt the two friends; and now she thinks -proper to be very civil to Lewis, who is become necessary to her in the -way of his profession. - -These, however, are not the only efforts she has made towards a nearer -conjunction with our sex. Her fortune was originally no more than a -thousand pounds; but she gained an accession of five hundred by the -death of a sister, and the lieutenant left her three hundred in his -will. These sums she has more than doubled, by living free of all -expence, in her brother's house; and dealing in cheese and Welsh -flannel, the produce of his flocks and dairy. At present her capital is -increased to about four thousand pounds; and her avarice seems to grow -every day more and more rapacious: but even this is not so intolerable -as the perverseness of her nature, which keeps the whole family -in disquiet and uproar. She is one of those geniuses who find -some diabolical enjoyment in being dreaded and detested by their -fellow-creatures. - -I once told my uncle, I was surprised that a man of his disposition -could bear such a domestic plague, when it could be so easily removed. -The remark made him sore, because it seemed to tax him with want of -resolution--Wrinkling up his nose, and drawing down his eye-brows, 'A -young fellow (said he) when he first thrusts his snout into the world, -is apt to be surprised at many things which a man of experience knows -to be ordinary and unavoidable--This precious aunt of yours is become -insensibly a part of my constitution--Damn her! She's a noli me tangere -in my flesh, which I cannot bear to be touched or tampered with.' I made -no reply; but shifted the conversation. He really has an affection for -this original; which maintains its ground in defiance of common sense, -and in despite of that contempt which he must certainly feel for her -character and understanding. Nay, I am convinced, that she has likewise -a most virulent attachment to his person; though her love never shews -itself but in the shape of discontent; and she persists in tormenting -him out of pure tenderness--The only object within doors upon which she -bestows any marks of affection, in the usual stile, is her dog Chowder; -a filthy cur from Newfoundland, which she had in a present from the wife -of a skipper in Swansey. One would imagine she had distinguished this -beast with her favour on account of his ugliness and ill-nature, if it -was not, indeed, an instinctive sympathy, between his disposition and -her own. Certain it is, she caresses him without ceasing; and even -harasses the family in the service of this cursed animal, which, indeed, -has proved the proximate cause of her breach with Sir Ulic Mackilligut. - -You must know, she yesterday wanted to steal a march of poor Liddy, and -went to breakfast in the Room without any other companion than her dog, -in expectation of meeting with the Baronet, who had agreed to dance with -her in the evening--Chowder no sooner made his appearance in the Room, -than the Master of the Ceremonies, incensed at his presumption, ran -up to drive him away, and threatened him with his foot; but the other -seemed to despise his authority, and displaying a formidable case of -long, white, sharp teeth, kept the puny monarch at bay--While he stood -under some trepidation, fronting his antagonist, and bawling to the -waiter, Sir Ulic Mackilligut came to his assistance; and seeming -ignorant of the connexion between this intruder and his mistress, gave -the former such a kick in the jaws, as sent him howling to the door--Mrs -Tabitha, incensed at this outrage, ran after him, squalling in a tone -equally disagreeable; while the Baronet followed her on one side, -making apologies for his mistake; and Derrick on the other, making -remonstrances upon the rules and regulations of the place. - -Far from being satisfied with the Knight's excuses, she said she was -sure he was no gentleman; and when the Master of the Ceremonies offered -to hand her into the chair, she rapped him over the knuckles with her -fan. My uncle's footman being still at the door, she and Chowder got -into the same vehicle, and were carried off amidst the jokes of the -chairmen and other populace--I had been riding out on Clerkendown, and -happened to enter just as the fracas was over--The Baronet, coming up to -me with an affected air of chagrin, recounted the adventure; at which -I laughed heartily, and then his countenance cleared up. 'My dear soul -(said he) when I saw a sort of a wild baist, snarling with open mouth -at the Master of the Ceremonies, like the red cow going to devour Tom -Thumb, I could do no less than go to the assistance of the little man; -but I never dreamt the baist was one of Mrs Bramble's attendants--O! if -I had, he might have made his breakfast upon Derrick and welcome--But -you know, my dear friend, how natural it is for us Irishmen to blunder, -and to take the wrong sow by the ear--However, I will confess judgment, -and cry her mercy; and it is to be hoped, a penitent sinner may be -forgiven.' I told him, that as the offence was not voluntary of his -side, it was to be hoped he would not find her implacable. - -But, in truth, all this concern was dissembled. In his approaches of -gallantry to Mrs Tabitha, he had been misled by a mistake of at least -six thousand pounds, in the calculation of her fortune; and in this -particular he was just undeceived. He, therefore, seized the first -opportunity of incurring her displeasure decently, in such a manner as -would certainly annihilate the correspondence; and he could not have -taken a more effectual method, than that of beating her dog. When he -presented himself at our door, to pay his respects to the offended fair, -he was refused admittance, and given to understand that he should never -find her at home for the future. She was not so inaccessible to Derrick, -who came to demand satisfaction for the insult she had offered to him, -even in the verge of his own court. She knew it was convenient to be -well with the Master of the Ceremonies, while she continued to frequent -the Rooms; and, having heard he was a poet, began to be afraid of making -her appearance in a ballad or lampoon.--She therefore made excuses -for what she had done, imputing it to the flutter of her spirits; and -subscribed handsomely for his poems: so that he was perfectly appeased, -and overwhelmed her with a profusion of compliment. He even solicited a -reconciliation with Chowder; which, however, the latter declined; and he -declared, that if he could find a precedent in the annals of the Bath, -which he would carefully examine for that purpose, her favourite should -be admitted to the next public breakfasting--But, I, believe, she will -not expose herself or him to the risque of a second disgrace--Who will -supply the place of Mackilligut in her affections, I cannot foresee; -but nothing in the shape of man can come amiss. Though she is a violent -church-woman, of the most intolerant zeal, I believe in my conscience -she would have no objection, at present, to treat on the score of -matrimony with an Anabaptist, Quaker, or Jew; and even ratify the treaty -at the expense of her own conversion. But, perhaps, I think too hardly -of this kinswoman; who, I must own, is very little beholden to the good -opinion of - -Yours, J. MELFORD BATH, May 6. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -You ask me, why I don't take the air a-horseback, during this fine -weather?--In which of the avenues of this paradise would you have me -take that exercise? Shall I commit myself to the high-roads of London -or Bristol, to be stifled with dust, or pressed to death in the midst -of post-chaises, flying-machines, waggons, and coal-horses; besides -the troops of fine gentlemen that take to the highway, to shew their -horsemanship; and the coaches of fine ladies, who go thither to shew -their equipages? Shall I attempt the Downs, and fatigue myself to death -in climbing up an eternal ascent, without any hopes of reaching the -summit? Know then, I have made divers desperate leaps at those upper -regions; but always fell backward into this vapour-pit, exhausted -and dispirited by those ineffectual efforts; and here we poor -valetudinarians pant and struggle, like so many Chinese gudgeons, -gasping in the bottom of a punch-bowl. By Heaven it is a kind of -enchantment! If I do not speedily break the spell, and escape, I may -chance to give up the ghost in this nauseous stew of corruption--It was -but two nights ago, that I had like to have made my public exit, at a -minute's warning. One of my greatest weaknesses is that of suffering -myself to be over-ruled by the opinion of people, whose judgment I -despise--I own, with shame and confusion of face, that importunity -of any kind I cannot resist. This want of courage and constancy is an -original flaw in my nature, which you must have often observed with -compassion, if not with contempt. I am afraid some of our boasted -virtues maybe traced up to this defect. - -Without further preamble, I was persuaded to go to a ball, on purpose to -see Liddy dance a minuet with a young petulant jackanapes, the only -son of a wealthy undertaker from London, whose mother lodges in our -neighbourhood, and has contracted an acquaintance with Tabby. I sat a -couple of long hours, half stifled, in the midst of a noisome crowd; -and could not help wondering that so many hundreds of those that rank as -rational creatures, could find entertainment in seeing a succession of -insipid animals, describing the same dull figure for a whole evening, on -an area, not much bigger than a taylor's shop-board. If there had been -any beauty, grace, activity, magnificent dress, or variety of any kind -howsoever absurd, to engage the attention, and amuse the fancy, I should -not have been surprised; but there was no such object: it was a tiresome -repetition of the same languid, frivolous scene, performed by actors -that seemed to sleep in all their motions. The continual swimming of -these phantoms before my eyes, gave me a swimming of the head; which was -also affected by the fouled air, circulating through such a number of -rotten human bellows. I therefore retreated towards the door, and stood -in the passage to the next room, talking to my friend Quin; when an end -being put to the minuets, the benches were removed to make way for the -country-dances; and the multitude rising at once, the whole atmosphere -was put in commotion. Then, all of a sudden, came rushing upon me an -Egyptian gale, so impregnated with pestilential vapours, that my nerves -were overpowered, and I dropt senseless upon the floor. - -You may easily conceive what a clamour and confusion this accident must -have produced, in such an assembly--I soon recovered, however, and found -myself in an easy chair, supported by my own people--Sister Tabby, in -her great tenderness, had put me to the torture, squeezing my hand under -her arm, and stuffing my nose with spirit of hartshorn, till the whole -inside was excoriated. I no sooner got home, than I sent for Doctor -Ch--, who assured me I needed not be alarmed, for my swooning was -entirely occasioned by an accidental impression of fetid effluvia upon -nerves of uncommon sensibility. I know not how other people's nerves -are constructed; but one would imagine they must be made of very coarse -materials, to stand the shock of such a torrid assault. It was, indeed, -a compound of villainous smells, in which the most violent stinks, -and the most powerful perfumes, contended for the mastery. Imagine to -yourself a high exalted essence of mingled odours, arising from putrid -gums, imposthumated lungs, sour flatulencies, rank armpits, sweating -feet, running sores and issues, plasters, ointments, and embrocations, -hungary-water, spirit of lavender, assafoetida drops, musk, hartshorn, -and sal volatile; besides a thousand frowzy steams, which I could not -analyse. Such, O Dick! is the fragrant aether we breathe in the polite -assemblies of Bath--Such is the atmosphere I have exchanged for the -pure, elastic, animating air of the Welsh mountains--O Rus, quando te -aspiciam!---I wonder what the devil possessed me-- - -But few words are best: I have taken my resolution--You may well suppose -I don't intend to entertain the company with a second exhibition--I have -promised, in an evil hour, to proceed to London, and that promise shall -be performed, but my stay in the metropolis shall be brief. I have, for -the benefit of my health, projected an expedition to the North, which, I -hope, will afford some agreeable pastime. I have never travelled farther -that way than Scarborough; and, I think, it is a reproach upon me, as a -British freeholder, to have lived so long without making an excursion to -the other side of the Tweed. Besides, I have some relations settled in -Yorkshire, to whom it may not be improper to introduce my nephew and -his sister--At present, I have nothing to add, but that Tabby is happily -disentangled from the Irish Baronet; and that I will not fail to make -you acquainted, from time to time, with the sequel of our adventures: a -mark of consideration, which, perhaps, you would willingly dispense with -in - -Your humble servant, M. BRAMBLE BATH, May 8. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -A few days ago we were terribly alarmed by my uncle's fainting at the -ball--He has been ever since cursing his own folly, for going thither at -the request of an impertinent woman. He declares, he will sooner visit -a house infected with the plague, than trust himself in such a nauseous -spital for the future, for he swears the accident was occasioned by the -stench of the crowd; and that he would never desire a stronger proof of -our being made of very gross materials, than our having withstood the -annoyance, by which he was so much discomposed. For my part, I am very -thankful for the coarseness of my organs, being in no danger of -ever falling a sacrifice to the delicacy of my nose. Mr Bramble is -extravagantly delicate in all his sensations, both of soul and body. I -was informed by Dr Lewis, that he once fought a duel with an officer -of the horseguards, for turning aside to the Park-wall, on a necessary -occasion, when he was passing with a lady under his protection. His -blood rises at every instance of insolence and cruelty, even where he -himself is no way concerned; and ingratitude makes his teeth chatter. On -the other hand, the recital of a generous, humane, or grateful action, -never fails to draw from him tears of approbation, which he is often -greatly distressed to conceal. - -Yesterday, one Paunceford gave tea, on particular invitation--This man, -after having been long buffetted by adversity, went abroad; and Fortune, -resolved to make him amends for her former coyness, set him all at once -up to the very ears in affluence. He has now emerged from obscurity, -and blazes out in all the tinsel of the times. I don't find that he is -charged with any practices that the law deems dishonest, or that his -wealth has made him arrogant and inaccessible; on the contrary, he -takes great pains to appear affable and gracious. But, they say, he -is remarkable for shrinking from his former friendships, which were -generally too plain and home-spun to appear amidst his present brilliant -connexions; and that he seems uneasy at sight of some old benefactors, -whom a man of honour would take pleasure to acknowledge--Be that as it -may, he had so effectually engaged the company at Bath, that when I went -with my uncle to the coffeehouse in the evening, there was not a soul -in the room but one person, seemingly in years, who sat by the fire, -reading one of the papers. Mr Bramble, taking his station close by -him, 'There is such a crowd and confusion of chairs in the passage to -Simpson's (said he) that we could hardly get along--I wish those -minions of fortune would fall upon more laudable ways of spending their -money.--I suppose, Sir, you like this kind of entertainment as little as -I do?' 'I cannot say I have any great relish for such entertainments,' -answered the other, without taking his eyes off the paper--'Mr Serle -(resumed my uncle) I beg pardon for interrupting you; but I can't resist -the curiosity I have to know if you received a card on this occasion?' - -The man seemed surprised at this address, and made some pause, as -doubtful what answer he should make. 'I know my curiosity is impertinent -(added my uncle) but I have a particular reason for asking the favour.' -'If that be the case (replied Mr Serle) I shall gratify you without -hesitation, by owning that I have had no card. But, give me leave, -Sir, to ask in my turn, what reason you think I have to expect such an -invitation from the gentleman who gives tea?' 'I have my own reasons -(cried Mr Bramble, with some emotion) and am convinced, more than ever, -that this Paunceford is a contemptible fellow.' 'Sir (said the other, -laying down the paper) I have not the honour to know you; but your -discourse is a little mysterious, and seems to require some explanation. -The person you are pleased to treat so cavalierly, is a gentleman of -some consequence in the community; and, for aught you know, I may also -have my particular reasons for defending his character'--'If I was not -convinced of the contrary (observed the other) I should not have gone so -far'--'Let me tell you, Sir (said the stranger, raising his voice) you -have gone too far, in hazarding such reflections'. - -Here he was interrupted by my uncle; who asked peevishly if he was -Don Quixote enough, at this time of day, to throw down his gauntlet as -champion for a man who had treated him with such ungrateful neglect. -'For my part (added he) I shall never quarrel with you again upon this -subject; and what I have said now, has been suggested as much by my -regard for you, as by my contempt of him'--Mr Serle, then pulling off -his spectacles, eyed uncle very earnestly, saying, in a mitigated -tone, 'Surely I am much obliged--Ah, Mr Bramble! I now recollect your -features, though I have not seen you these many years.' 'We might -have been less strangers to one another (answered the squire) if -our correspondence had not been interrupted, in consequence of a -misunderstanding, occasioned by this very--, but no matter--Mr Serle, I -esteem your character; and my friendship, such as it is, you may freely -command.' 'The offer is too agreeable to be declined (said he); I -embrace it very cordially; and, as the first fruits of it, request that -you will change this subject, which, with me, is a matter of peculiar -delicacy.' - -My uncle owned he was in the right, and the discourse took a more -general turn. Mr Serle passed the evening with us at our lodgings; and -appeared to be intelligent, and even entertaining; but his disposition -was rather of a melancholy hue. My uncle says he is a man of uncommon -parts, and unquestioned probity: that his fortune, which was originally -small, has been greatly hurt by a romantic spirit of generosity, which -he has often displayed, even at the expence of his discretion, in favour -of worthless individuals--That he had rescued Paunceford from the lowest -distress, when he was bankrupt, both in means and reputation--That -he had espoused his interests with a degree of enthusiasm, broke with -several friends, and even drawn his sword against my uncle, who had -particular reasons for questioning the moral character of the said -Paunceford: that, without Serle's countenance and assistance, the other -never could have embraced the opportunity, which has raised him to this -pinnacle of wealth: that Paunceford, in the first transports of his -success, had written, from abroad, letters to different correspondents, -owning his obligations to Mr Serle, in the warmest terms of -acknowledgement, and declared he considered himself only as a factor -for the occasions of his best friend: that, without doubt, he had made -declarations of the same nature to his benefactor himself, though this -last was always silent and reserved on the subject; but for some years, -those tropes and figures of rhetoric had been disused; that, upon his -return to England, he had been lavish in his caresses to Mr Serle, -invited him to his house, and pressed him to make it his own: that he -had overwhelmed him with general professions, and affected to express -the warmest regard for him, in company of their common acquaintance; so -that every body believed his gratitude was liberal as his fortune; and -some went so far as to congratulate Mr Serle on both. - -All this time Paunceford carefully and artfully avoided particular -discussions with his old patron, who had too much spirit to drop -the most distant hint of balancing the account of obligation: that, -nevertheless, a man of his feelings could not but resent this shocking -return for all his kindness: and, therefore, he withdrew himself from -the connexion, without coming to the least explanation or speaking -a syllable on the subject to any living soul; so that now their -correspondence is reduced to a slight salute with the hat, when they -chance to meet in any public place; an accident that rarely happens, for -their walks lie different ways. Mr Paunceford lives in a palace, feeds -upon dainties, is arrayed in sumptuous apparel, appears in all the pomp -of equipage, and passes his time among the nobles of the land. Serle -lodges in Stall-street, up two pair of stairs backwards, walks a-foot -in a Bath-rug, eats for twelve shillings a-week, and drinks water -as preservative against the gout and gravel--Mark the vicissitude. -Paunceford once resided in a garret; where he subsisted upon -sheep's-trotters and cow-heel, from which commons he was translated to -the table of Serle, that ever abounded with good-chear; until want of -economy and retention reduced him to a slender annuity in his decline of -years, that scarce affords the bare necessaries of life.--Paunceford, -however, does him the honour to speak of him still, with uncommon -regard; and to declare what pleasure it would give him to contribute in -any shape to his convenience: 'But you know (he never fails to add) he's -a shy kind of a man--And then such a perfect philosopher, that he looks -upon all superfluities with the most sovereign contempt. Having given -you this sketch of squire Paunceford, I need not make any comment on his -character, but leave it at the mercy of your own reflection; from which -I dare say, it will meet with as little quarter as it has found with - -Yours always, J. MELFORD BATH, May 10. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MOLLY, - -We are all upon the ving--Hey for London, girl!--Fecks! we have been -long enough here; for we're all turned tipsy turvy--Mistress has -excarded Sir Ulic for kicking of Chowder; and I have sent O Frizzle -away, with a flea in his ear--I've shewn him how little I minded his -tinsy and his long tail--A fellor, who would think for to go, for to -offer, to take up with a dirty trollop under my nose--I ketched him in -the very feet, coming out of the housemaids garret.--But I have gi'en -the dirty slut a siserary. O Molly! the sarvants at Bath are devils -in garnet. They lite the candle at both ends--Here's nothing but -ginketting, and wasting, and thieving and tricking, and trigging; and -then they are never content--They won't suffer the 'squire and mistress -to stay any longer; because they have been already above three weeks in -the house; and they look for a couple of ginneys a-piece at our going -away; and this is a parquisite they expect every month in the season; -being as how no family has a right to stay longer than four weeks in -the same lodgings; and so the cuck swears she will pin the dish-clout to -mistress's tail; and the house-maid vows, she'll put cowitch in master's -bed, if so be he don't discamp without furder ado--I don't blame -them for making the most of their market, in the way of vails and -parquisites; and I defy the devil to say I am a tail-carrier, or ever -brought a poor sarvant into trouble--But then they oft to have some -conscience, in vronging those that be sarvants like themselves--For you -must no, Molly, I missed three-quarters of blond lace, and a remnant -of muslin, and my silver thimble; which was the gift of true love; -they were all in my workbasket, that I left upon the table in the -sarvants-hall, when mistresses bell rung; but if they had been under -lock and kay, 'twould have been all the same; for there are double keys -to all the locks in Bath; and they say as how the very teeth an't -safe in your head, if you sleep with your mouth open--And so says I to -myself, them things could not go without hands; and so I'll watch -their waters: and so I did with a vitness; for then it was I found Bett -consarned with O Frizzle. And as the cuck had thrown her slush at me, -because I had taken part with Chowder, when he fit, with the turnspit, -I resolved to make a clear kitchen, and throw some of her fat into the -fire. I ketched the chare-woman going out with her load in the morning, -before she thought I was up, and brought her to mistress with her whole -cargo--Marry, what do'st think she had got in the name of God? Her -buckets were foaming full of our best bear, and her lap was stuffed with -a cold tongue, part of a buttock of beef, half a turkey, and a swinging -lump of butter, and the matter of ten mould kandles, that had scarce -ever been lit. The cuck brazened it out, and said it was her rite to -rummage the pantry; and she was ready for to go before the mare: that -he had been her potticary many years, and would never think of hurting a -poor sarvant, for giving away the scraps of the kitchen. I went another -way to work with madam Betty, because she had been saucy, and called me -skandelus names; and said O Frizzle couldn't abide me, and twenty other -odorous falsehoods. I got a varrant from the mare, and her box being -sarched by the constable, my things came out sure enuff; besides a full -pound of vax candles, and a nite-cap of mistress, that I could sware to -on my cruperal oaf--O! then madam Mopstick came upon her merry -bones; and as the squire wouldn't hare of a pursecution, she scaped a -skewering: but the longest day she has to live, she'll remember your - -Humble sarvant, W. JENKINS BATH, May 15. - -If the hind should come again, before we be gone, pray send me the shift -and apron, with the vite gallow manky shoes; which you'll find in my -pillowber--Sarvice to Saul-- - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -You are in the right, dear Phillips; I don't expect regular answers -to every letter--I know a college-life is too circumscribed to afford -materials for such quick returns of communication. For my part, I am -continually shifting the scene, and surrounded with new objects; some -of which are striking enough. I shall therefore conclude my journal for -your amusement; and, though, in all appearance, it will not treat of -very important or interesting particulars, it may prove, perhaps, not -altogether uninstructive and unentertaining. - -The music and entertainments of Bath are over for this season; and -all our gay birds of passage have taken their flight to Bristolwell, -Tunbridge, Brighthelmstone, Scarborough, Harrowgate, &c. Not a soul is -seen in this place, but a few broken-winded parsons, waddling like so -many crows along the North Parade. There is always a great shew of -the clergy at Bath: none of your thin, puny, yellow, hectic figures, -exhausted with abstinence, and hardy study, labouring under the morbi -eruditorum, but great overgrown dignitaries and rectors, with rubicund -noses and gouty ancles, or broad bloated faces, dragging along great -swag bellies; the emblems of sloth and indigestion. - -Now we are upon the subject of parsons, I must tell you a ludicrous -adventure, which was achieved the other day by Tom Eastgate, whom you -may remember on the foundation of Queen's. He had been very assiduous -to pin himself upon George Prankley, who was a gentleman-commoner of -Christchurch, knowing the said Prankley was heir to a considerable -estate, and would have the advowson of a good living, the incumbent of -which was very old and infirm. He studied his passions, and flattered -them so effectually, as to become his companion and counsellor; and, -at last, obtained of him a promise of the presentation, when the living -should fall. Prankley, on his uncle's death, quitted Oxford, and made -his first appearance in the fashionable world at London; from whence -he came lately to Bath, where he has been exhibiting himself among the -bucks and gamesters of the place. Eastgate followed him hither; but he -should not have quitted him for a moment, at his first emerging into -life. He ought to have known he was a fantastic, foolish, fickle -fellow, who would forget his college-attachments the moment they ceased -appealing to his senses. Tom met with a cold reception from his old -friend; and was, moreover, informed, that he had promised the living to -another man, who had a vote in the county, where he proposed to offer -himself a candidate at the next general election. He now remembered -nothing of Eastgate, but the freedoms he had used to take with him, -while Tom had quietly stood his butt, with an eye to the benefice; and -those freedoms he began to repeat in common-place sarcasms on his person -and his cloth, which he uttered in the public coffeehouse, for the -entertainment of the company. But he was egregiously mistaken in -giving his own wit credit for that tameness of Eastgate, which had been -entirely owing to prudential considerations. These being now removed, -he retorted his repartee with interest, and found no great difficulty in -turning the laugh upon the aggressor; who, losing his temper, called him -names, and asked, If he knew whom he talked to? After much altercation, -Prankley, shaking his cane, bid him hold his tongue, otherwise he could -dust his cassock for him. 'I have no pretensions to such a valet (said -Tom) but if you should do me that office, and overheat yourself, I have -here a good oaken towel at your service.' - -Prankley was equally incensed and confounded at this reply. After a -moment's pause, he took him aside towards die window; and, pointing to -the clump of firs, on Clerken-down, asked in a whisper, if he had -spirit enough to meet him there, with a case of pistols, at six o'clock -tomorrow morning. Eastgate answered in the affirmative; and, with a -steady countenance, assured him, he would not fail to give him the -rendezvous at the hour he mentioned. So saying, he retired; and the -challenger stayed some time in manifest agitation. In the morning, -Eastgate, who knew his man, and had taken his resolution, went to -Prankley's lodgings, and roused him by five o'clock. - -The squire, in all probability, cursed his punctuality in his heart, but -he affected to talk big; and having prepared his artillery overnight, -they crossed the water at the end of the South Parade. In their progress -up the hill, Prankley often eyed the parson, in hopes of perceiving -some reluctance in his countenance; but as no such marks appeared, he -attempted to intimidate him by word of mouth. 'If these flints do their -office (said he) I'll do thy business in a few minutes.' 'I desire you -will do your best (replied the other); for my part, I come not here to -trifle. Our lives are in the hands of God; and one of us already totters -on the brink of eternity' This remark seemed to make some impression -upon the squire, who changed countenance, and with a faultering accent -observed, 'That it ill became a clergyman to be concerned in quarrels -and bloodshed'--'Your insolence to me (said Eastgate) I should have bore -with patience, had not you cast the most infamous reflections upon my -order, the honour of which I think myself in duty bound to maintain, -even at the expence of my heart's blood; and surely it can be no crime -to put out of the world a profligate wretch, without any sense of -principle, morality, or religion'--'Thou may'st take away my life (cried -Prankley, in great perturbation) but don't go to murder my character. -What! has't got no conscience?' 'My conscience is perfectly quiet -(replied the other); and now, Sir, we are upon the spot--Take your -ground as near as you please; prime your pistol; and the Lord, of his -infinite mercy, have compassion upon your miserable soul!' - -This ejaculation he pronounced in a loud solemn tone, with his hat off, -and his eyes lifted up; then drawing a large horse-pistol, he presented, -and put himself in a posture of action. Prankley took his distance, and -endeavoured to prime, but his hand shook with such violence, that he -found this operation impracticable--His antagonist, seeing how it was -with him, offered his assistance, and advanced for that purpose; when -the poor squire, exceedingly alarmed at what he had heard and seen, -desired the action might be deferred till next day, as he had not -settled his affairs. 'I ha'n't made my will (said he); my sisters are -not provided for; and I just now recollect an old promise, which my -conscience tells me I ought to perform--I'll first convince thee, -that I'm not a wretch without principle, and then thou shalt have an -opportunity to take my life, which thou seem'st to thirst after so -eagerly.' - -Eastgate understood the hint; and told him, that one day should break no -squares: adding, 'God forbid that I should be the means of hindering you -from acting the part of an honest man, and a dutiful brother'--By virtue -of this cessation, they returned peaceably together. Prankley forthwith -made out the presentation of the living, and delivered it to Eastgate, -telling him at the same time, he had now settled his affairs, and was -ready to attend him to the Fir-grove; but Tom declared he could not -think of lifting his hand against the life of so great a benefactor--He -did more: when they next met at the coffeehouse, he asked pardon of Mr -Prankley, if in his passion he had said any thing to give him offence; -and the squire was so gracious as to forgive him with a cordial shake of -the hand, declaring, that he did not like to be at variance with an old -college companion--Next day, however, he left Bath abruptly; and then -Eastgate told me all these particulars, not a little pleased with the -effects of his own sagacity, by which he has secured a living worth -160l. per annum. - -Of my uncle, I have nothing at present to say; but that we set out -tomorrow for London en famille. He and the ladies, with the maid and -Chowder in a coach; I and the man-servant a-horseback. The particulars -of our journey you shall have in my next, provided no accident happens -to prevent, - -Yours ever, J. MELFORD BATH May 17. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -I shall to-morrow set out for London, where I have bespoke lodgings, at -Mrs Norton's in Golden-square. Although I am no admirer of Bath, I shall -leave it with regret; because I must part with some old friends, -whom, in all probability, I shall never see again. In the course of -coffeehouse conversation, I had often heard very extraordinary encomiums -passed on the performances of Mr T--, a gentleman residing in this -place, who paints landscapes for his amusement. As I have no great -confidence in the taste and judgment of coffeehouse connoisseurs, and -never received much pleasure from this branch of the art, those general -praises made no impression at all on my curiosity; but, at the request -of a particular friend, I went yesterday to see the pieces, which had -been so warmly commended--I must own I am no judge of painting, though -very fond of pictures. I don't imagine that my senses would play me so -false, as to betray me into admiration of any thing that was very bad; -but, true it is, I have often overlooked capital beauties, in pieces of -extraordinary merit.--If I am not totally devoid of taste, however, this -young gentleman of Bath is the best landscape-painter now living: I was -struck with his performances in such a manner, as I had never been -by painting before. His trees not only have a richness of foliage -and warmth of colouring, which delights the view; but also a certain -magnificence in the disposition and spirit in the expression, which -I cannot describe. His management of the chiaro oscuro, or light and -shadow, especially gleams of sunshine, is altogether wonderful, both in -the contrivance and execution; and he is so happy in his perspective, -and marking his distances at sea, by a progressive series of ships, -vessels, capes, and promontories, that I could not help thinking, I had -a distant view of thirty leagues upon the back-ground of the picture. If -there is any taste for ingenuity left in a degenerate age, fast sinking -into barbarism, this artist, I apprehend, will make a capital figure, as -soon as his works are known. - -Two days ago, I was favoured with a visit by Mr Fitzowen; who, with -great formality, solicited my vote and interest at the general election. -I ought not to have been shocked at the confidence of this man; though -it was remarkable, considering what had passed between him and me on a -former occasion--These visits are mere matter of form, which a candidate -makes to every elector; even to those who, he knows, are engaged in -the interest of his competitor, lest he should expose himself to the -imputation of pride, at a time when it is expected he should appear -humble. Indeed, I know nothing so abject as the behaviour of a -man canvassing for a seat in parliament--This mean prostration (to -borough-electors, especially) has, I imagine, contributed in a great -measure to raise that spirit of insolence among the vulgar; which, like -the devil, will be found very difficult to lay. Be that as it may, I was -in some confusion at the effrontery of Fitzowen; but I soon recollected -myself, and told him, I had not yet determined for whom I should give my -vote, nor whether I should give it for any.--The truth is, I look upon -both candidates in the same light; and should think myself a traitor to -the constitution of my country, if I voted for either. If every elector -would bring the same consideration home to his conscience, we should not -have such reason to exclaim against the venality of p--ts. But we all -are a pack of venal and corrupted rascals; so lost to all sense of -honesty, and all tenderness of character, that, in a little time, I am -fully persuaded, nothing will be infamous but virtue and public-spirit. - -G. H--, who is really an enthusiast in patriotism, and represented the -capital in several successive parliaments, declared to me t'other day, -with the tears in his eyes, that he had lived above thirty years in the -city of London, and dealt in the way of commerce with all the citizens -of note in their turns; but that, as he should answer to God, he had -never, in the whole course of his life, found above three or four -whom he could call thoroughly honest: a declaration which was rather -mortifying than surprising to me; who have found so few men of worth -in the course of my acquaintance, that they serve only as exceptions; -which, in the grammarian's phrase, confirm and prove a general canon--I -know you will say, G. H-- saw imperfectly through the mist of prejudice, -and I am rankled by the spleen--Perhaps, you are partly in the right; -for I have perceived that my opinion of mankind, like mercury in the -thermometer, rises and falls according to the variations of the weather. - -Pray settle accompts with Barnes; take what money of mine is in his -hands, and give him acquittance. If you think Davis has stock or credit -enough to do justice to the farm, give him a discharge for the rent that -is due, this will animate his industry; for I know that nothing is so -discouraging to a farmer as the thoughts of being in arrears with his -landlord. He becomes dispirited, and neglects his labour; and so the -farm goes to wreck. Tabby has been clamouring for some days about the -lamb's skin, which Williams, the hind, begged of me, when he was last at -Bath. Prithee take it back, paying the fellow the full value of it, that -I may have some peace in my own house; and let him keep his own counsel, -if he means to keep his place--O! I shall never presume to despise or -censure any poor man, for suffering himself to be henpecked; conscious -how I myself am obliged to truckle to a domestic demon; even though -(blessed be God) she is not yoked with me for life, in the matrimonial -waggon--She has quarrelled with the servants of the house about vails; -and such intolerable scolding ensued on both sides, that I have been -fain to appease the cook and chambermaid by stealth. Can't you find some -poor gentleman of Wales, to take this precious commodity off the hands -of - -Yours, MATT. BRAMBLE BATH, May 19. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DOCTER LEWS, - -Give me leaf to tell you, methinks you mought employ your talons better, -than to encourage servants to pillage their masters. I find by Gwyllim, -that Villiams has got my skin; for which he is an impotent rascal. He -has not only got my skin, but, moreover, my butter-milk to fatten his -pigs; and, I suppose, the next thing he gets, will be my pad to carry -his daughter to church and fair: Roger gets this, and Roger gets -that; but I'd have you to know, I won't be rogered at this rate by any -ragmatical fellow in the kingdom--And I am surprised, docter Lews, you -would offer to put my affairs in composition with the refuge and skim -of the hearth. I have toiled and moyled to a good purpuss, for the -advantage of Matt's family, if I can't safe as much owl as will make me -an under petticoat. As for the butter-milk, ne'er a pig in the parish -shall thrust his snout in it, with my good-will. There's a famous -physician at the Hot Well, that prescribes it to his patience, when -the case is consumptive; and the Scots and Irish have begun to drink it -already, in such quantities, that there is not a drop left for the -hogs in the whole neighbourhood of Bristol. I'll have our butter-milk -barrelled up, and sent twice a-week to Aberginny, where it may be sold -for a half-penny the quart; and so Roger may carry his pigs to another -market--I hope, Docter, you will not go to put any more such phims in my -brother's head, to the prejudice of my pockat; but rather give me some -raisins (which hitherto you have not done) to subscribe myself - -Your humble servant, TAB. BRAMBLE BATH, May 19. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -Without waiting for your answer to my last, I proceed to give you an -account of our journey to London, which has not been wholly barren of -adventure. Tuesday last the 'squire took his place in a hired coach and -four, accompanied by his sister and mine, and Mrs Tabby's maid, Winifrid -Jenkins, whose province it was to support Chowder on a cushion in -her lap. I could scarce refrain from laughing when I looked into the -vehicle, and saw that animal sitting opposite to my uncle, like any -other passenger. The squire, ashamed of his situation, blushed to the -eyes: and, calling to the postilions to drive on, pulled the glass up in -my face. I, and his servant, John Thomas, attended them on horseback. - -Nothing worth mentioning occurred, till we arrived on the edge of -Marlborough Downs. There one of the four horses fell, in going down -hill at a round trot; and the postilion behind, endeavouring to stop -the carriage, pulled it on one side into a deep rut, where it was fairly -overturned. I had rode on about two hundred yards before; but, hearing -a loud scream, galloped back and dismounted, to give what assistance -was in my power. When I looked into the coach, I could see nothing -distinctly, but the nether end of Jenkins, who was kicking her heels and -squalling with great vociferation. All of a sudden, my uncle thrust -up his bare pate, and bolted through the window, as nimble as a -grasshopper, having made use of poor Win's posteriors as a step to rise -in his ascent--The man (who had likewise quitted his horse) dragged this -forlorn damsel, more dead than alive, through the same opening. Then -Mr Bramble, pulling the door off its hinges with a jerk, laid hold -on Liddy's arm, and brought her to the light; very much frighted, but -little hurt. It fell to my share to deliver our aunt Tabitha, who had -lost her cap in the struggle, and being rather more than half frantic, -with rage and terror, was no bad representation of one of the sister -Furies that guard the gates of hell--She expressed no sort of concern -for her brother, who ran about in the cold, without his periwig, and -worked with the most astonishing agility, in helping to disentangle -the horses from the carriage: but she cried, in a tone of distraction, -'Chowder! Chowder! my dear Chowder! my poor Chowder is certainly -killed!' - -This was not the case--Chowder, after having tore my uncle's leg in the -confusion of the fall, had retreated under the scat, and from thence the -footman drew him by the neck; for which good office, he bit his fingers -to the bone. The fellow, who is naturally surly, was so provoked at this -assault, that he saluted his ribs with a hearty kick, exclaiming, 'Damn -the nasty son of a bitch, and them he belongs to!' A benediction, -which was by no means lost upon the implacable virago his mistress--Her -brother, however, prevailed upon her to retire into a peasant's house, -near the scene of action, where his head and hers were covered, and poor -Jenkins had a fit. Our next care was to apply some sticking plaister to -the wound in his leg, which exhibited the impression of Chowder's teeth; -but he never opened his lips against the delinquent--Mrs Tabby, alarmed -at this scene, 'You say nothing, Matt (cried she); but I know your -mind--I know the spite you have to that poor unfortunate animal! I know -you intend to take his life away!' 'You are mistaken, upon my honour! -(replied the squire, with a sarcastic smile) I should be incapable -of harbouring any such cruel design against an object so amiable and -inoffensive; even if he had not the happiness to be your favourite.' - -John Thomas was not so delicate. The fellow, whether really alarmed for -his life, or instigated by the desire of revenge, came in, and bluntly -demanded, that the dog should be put to death; on the supposition, that -if ever he should run mad hereafter, he, who had been bit by him, would -be infected--My uncle calmly argued upon the absurdity of his opinion, -observing, that he himself was in the same predicament, and would -certainly take the precaution he proposed, if he was not sure he ran no -risque of infection. Nevertheless, Thomas continued obstinate; and, at -length declared, that if the dog was not shot immediately, he himself -would be his executioner--This declaration opened the flood-gates of -Tabby's eloquence, which would have shamed the first-rate oratress of -Billingsgate. The footman retorted in the same stile; and the squire -dismissed him from his service, after having prevented me from giving -him a good horse-whipping for his insolence. - -The coach being adjusted, another difficulty occurred--Mrs Tabitha -absolutely refused to enter it again, unless another driver could -be found to take the place of the postilion; who, she affirmed, had -overturned the carriage from malice aforethought--After much dispute, -the man resigned his place to a shabby country fellow, who undertook to -go as far as Marlborough, where they could be better provided; and at -that place we arrived about one O'clock, without farther impediment. Mrs -Bramble, however, found new matter of offence; which, indeed, she has a -particular genius for extracting at will from almost every incident in -life. We had scarce entered the room at Marlborough, where we stayed to -dine, when she exhibited a formal complaint against the poor fellow who -had superseded the postilion. She said he was such a beggarly rascal -that he had ne'er a shirt to his back, and had the impudence to shock -her sight by shewing his bare posteriors, for which act of indelicacy -he deserved to be set in the stocks. Mrs Winifred Jenkins confirmed the -assertion, with respect to his nakedness, observing, at the same time, -that he had a skin as fair as alabaster. - -'This is a heinous offence, indeed (cried my uncle) let us hear what the -fellow has to say in his own vindication.' He was accordingly summoned, -and made his appearance, which was equally queer and pathetic. He seemed -to be about twenty years of age, of a middling size, with bandy legs, -stooping shoulders, high forehead, sandy locks, pinking eyes, flat nose, -and long chin--but his complexion was of a sickly yellow; his looks -denoted famine, and the rags that he wore could hardly conceal -what decency requires to be covered--My uncle, having surveyed him -attentively, said, with an ironical expression in his countenance, 'An't -you ashamed, fellow, to ride postilion without a shirt to cover your -backside from the view of the ladies in the coach?' 'Yes, I am, an -please your noble honour (answered the man) but necessity has no law, -as the saying is--And more than that, it was an accident. My breeches -cracked behind, after I had got into the saddle' 'You're an impudent -varlet (cried Mrs Tabby) for presuming to ride before persons of fashion -without a shirt'--'I am so, an please your worthy ladyship (said he) -but I am a poor Wiltshire lad--I ha'n't a shirt in the world, that I can -call my own, nor a rag of clothes, and please your ladyship, but what -you see--I have no friend nor relation upon earth to help me out--I -have had the fever and ague these six months, and spent all I had in the -world upon doctors, and to keep soul and body together; and, saving -your ladyship's good presence, I han't broke bread these four and twenty -hours.' - -Mrs Bramble, turning from him, said, she had never seen such a filthy -tatterdemalion, and bid him begone; observing, that he would fill the -room full of vermin--Her brother darted a significant glance at her, as -she retired with Liddy into another apartment, and then asked the man if -he was known to any person in Marlborough?--When he answered, that -the landlord of the inn had known him from his infancy; mine host was -immediately called, and being interrogated on the subject, declared that -the young fellow's name was Humphry Clinker. That he had been a love -begotten babe, brought up in the work-house, and put out apprentice by -the parish to a country black-smith, who died before the boy's time was -out: that he had for some time worked under his ostler, as a helper and -extra postilion, till he was taken ill of the ague, which disabled him -from getting his bread: that, having sold or pawned every thing he had -in the world for his cure and subsistence, he became so miserable and -shabby, that he disgraced the stable, and was dismissed; but that -he never heard any thing to the prejudice of his character in other -respects. 'So that the fellow being sick and destitute (said my uncle) -you turned him out to die in the streets.' 'I pay the poor's rate -(replied the other) and I have no right to maintain idle vagrants, -either in sickness or health; besides, such a miserable object would -have brought a discredit upon my house.' - -'You perceive (said the 'squire, turning to me) our landlord is a -Christian of bowels--Who shall presume to censure the morals of the age, -when the very publicans exhibit such examples of humanity?--Heark ye, -Clinker, you are a most notorious offender--You stand convicted of -sickness, hunger, wretchedness, and want--But, as it does not belong to -me to punish criminals, I will only take upon me the task of giving you -a word of advice. Get a shirt with all convenient dispatch, that your -nakedness may not henceforward give offence to travelling gentlewomen, -especially maidens in years.' - -So saying, he put a guinea into the hand of the poor fellow, who stood -staring at him in silence, with his mouth wide open, till the landlord -pushed him out of the room. - -In the afternoon, as our aunt stept into the coach, she observed, with -some marks of satisfaction, that the postilion, who rode next to -her, was not a shabby wretch like the ragamuffin who had them into -Marlborough. Indeed, the difference was very conspicuous: this was a -smart fellow, with a narrow brimmed hat, with gold cording, a cut bob, -a decent blue jacket, leather-breaches, and a clean linen shirt, puffed -above the waist-band. When we arrived at the Castle, on Spin-hill, where -we lay, this new postilion was remarkably assiduous in bringing in the -loose parcels; and, at length, displayed the individual countenance -of Humphry Clinker, who had metamorphosed himself in this manner, by -relieving from pawn part of his own clothes, with the money he had -received from Mr Bramble. - -Howsoever pleased the rest of the company were with such a favourable -change in the appearance of this poor creature it soured on the -stomach of Mrs Tabby, who had not yet digested the affront of his naked -skin--She tossed her nose in disdain, saying, she supposed her brother -had taken him into favour, because he had insulted her with his -obscenity: that a fool and his money were soon parted; but that if Matt -intended to take the fellow with him to London, she would not go a foot -further that way--My uncle said nothing with his tongue, though his -looks were sufficiently expressive; and next morning Clinker did not -appear, so that we proceeded without further altercation to Salthill, -where we proposed to dine--There, the first person that came to the -side of the coach, and began to adjust the footboard, was no other than -Humphry Clinker--When I handed out Mrs Bramble, she eyed him with a -furious look, and passed into the house--My uncle was embarrassed, and -asked him peevishly, what had brought him hither? The fellow said, his -honour had been so good to him, that he had not the heart to part with -him; that he would follow him to the world's end, and serve him all the -days of his life, without fee or reward. - -Mr Bramble did not know whether to chide or laugh at this -declaration--He foresaw much contradiction on the side of Tabby; and -on the other hand, he could not but be pleased with the gratitude of -Clinker, as well as with the simplicity of his character--'Suppose I -was inclined to take you into my service (said he) what are your -qualifications? what are you good for?' 'An please your honour (answered -this original) I can read and write, and do the business of the stable -indifferent well--I can dress a horse, and shoe him, and bleed and rowel -him; and, as for the practice of sow-gelding, I won't turn my back on -e'er a he in the county of Wilts--Then I can make hog's puddings and -hob-nails, mend kettles and tin sauce-pans.'--Here uncle burst out -a-laughing; and inquired what other accomplishments he was master of--'I -know something of single-stick, and psalmody (proceeded Clinker); I can -play upon the jew's-harp, sing Black-ey'd Susan, Arthur-o'Bradley, and -divers other songs; I can dance a Welsh jig, and Nancy Dawson; wrestle a -fall with any lad of my inches, when I'm in heart; and, under correction -I can find a hare when your honour wants a bit of game.' 'Foregad! thou -are a complete fellow (cried my uncle, still laughing) I have a good -mind to take thee into my family--Prithee, go and try if thou can'st -make peace with my sister--Thou ha'st given her much offence by shewing -her thy naked tail.' - -Clinker accordingly followed us into the room, cap in hand, where, -addressing himself to Mrs Tabitha, 'May it please your ladyship's -worship (cried he) to pardon and forgive my offences, and, with God's -assistance, I shall take care that my tail shall never rise up in -judgment against me, to offend your ladyship again. Do, pray, good, -sweet, beautiful lady, take compassion on a poor sinner--God bless your -noble countenance; I am sure you are too handsome and generous to bear -malice--I will serve you on my bended knees, by night and by day, by -land and by water; and all for the love and pleasure of serving such an -excellent lady.' - -This compliment and humiliation had some effect upon Tabby; but she made -no reply; and Clinker, taking silence for consent, gave his attendance -at dinner. The fellow's natural aukwardness and the flutter of his -spirits were productive of repeated blunders in the course of his -attendance--At length, he spilt part of a custard upon her right -shoulder; and, starting back, trod upon Chowder, who set up a dismal -howl--Poor Humphry was so disconcerted at this double mistake, that he -dropt the china dish, which broke into a thousand pieces; then, falling -down upon his knees, remained in that posture gaping, with a most -ludicrous aspect of distress. Mrs Bramble flew to the dog, and, -snatching him in her arms, presented him to her brother saying, 'This is -all a concerted scheme against this unfortunate animal, whose only crime -is its regard for me--Here it is, kill it at once, and then you'll be -satisfied.' - -Clinker, hearing these words, and taking them in the literal -acceptation, got up in some hurry, and seizing a knife from the -side-board, cried, 'Not here, an please your ladyship--It will daub the -room--Give him to me, and I'll carry him to the ditch by the roadside' -To this proposal he received no other answer, than a hearty box on the -ear, that made him stagger to the other side of the room. 'What! (said -she to her brother) am I to be affronted by every mangy hound that you -pick up on the highway? I insist upon your sending this rascallion about -his business immediately' 'For God's sake, sister, compose yourself -(said my uncle) and consider that the poor fellow is innocent of any -intention to give you offence' 'Innocent as the babe unborn' (cried -Humphry). 'I see it plainly (exclaimed this implacable maiden), he acts -by your direction; and you are resolved to support him in his impudence -This is a bad return for all the services I have done you; for nursing -you in your sickness, managing your family, and keeping you from ruining -yourself by your own imprudence--But now you shall part with that rascal -or me, upon the spot, without farther loss of time; and the world shall -see whether you have more regard for your own flesh and blood, or for a -beggarly foundling taken from the dunghill.' - -Mr Bramble's eyes began to glisten, and his teeth to chatter. 'If stated -fairly (said he, raising his voice) the question is, whether I have -spirit to shake off an intolerable yoke, by one effort of resolution, -or meanness enough to do an act of cruelty and injustice, to gratify the -rancour of a capricious woman--Heark ye, Mrs Tabitha Bramble, I will -now propose an alternative in my turn. Either discard your four-footed -favourite, or give me leave to bid you eternally adieu--For I am -determined that he and I shall live no longer under the same roof; -and to dinner with what appetite you may'--Thunderstruck at this -declaration, she sat down in a corner; and, after a pause of some -minutes, 'Sure I don't understand you, Matt! (said she)' 'And yet I -spoke in plain English' answered the 'squire, with a peremptory look. -'Sir (resumed this virago, effectually humbled), it is your prerogative -to command, and my duty to obey. I can't dispose of the dog in this -place; but if you'll allow him to go in the coach to London, I give you -my word, he shall never trouble you again.' - -Her brother, entirely disarmed by this mild reply, declared, she could -ask him nothing in reason that he would refuse; adding, 'I hope, sister, -you have never found me deficient in natural affection.' - -Mrs Tabitha immediately rose, and, throwing her arms about his neck, -kissed him on the cheek: he returned her embrace with great emotion. -Liddy sobbed, Win. Jenkins cackled, Chowder capered, and Clinker skipped -about, rubbing his hands for joy of this reconciliation. - -Concord being thus restored, we finished our meal with comfort; and -in the evening arrived at London, without having met with any other -adventure. My aunt seems to be much mended by the hint she received from -her brother. She has been graciously pleased to remove her displeasure -from Clinker, who is now retained as a footman; and in a day or two -will make his appearance in a new suit of livery; but as he is little -acquainted with London, we have taken an occasional valet, whom I intend -hereafter to hire as my own servant. We lodge in Goldensquare, at the -house of one Mrs Notion, a decent sort of a woman, who takes great pains -to make us all easy. My uncle proposes to make a circuit of all the -remarkable scenes of this metropolis, for the entertainment of his -pupils; but as both you and I are already acquainted with most of those -he will visit, and with some others he little dreams of, I shall only -communicate what will be in some measure new to your observation. -Remember me to our Jesuitical friends, and believe me ever, - -Dear knight, Yours affectionately, J. MELFORD LONDON, May 24. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -London is literally new to me; new in its streets, houses, and even in -its situation; as the Irishman said, 'London is now gone out of town.' -What I left open fields, producing hay and corn, I now find covered with -streets and squares, and palaces, and churches. I am credibly informed, -that in the space of seven years, eleven thousand new houses have been -built in one quarter of Westminster, exclusive of what is daily added to -other parts of this unwieldy metropolis. Pimlico and Knightsbridge are -now almost joined to Chelsea and Kensington; and if this infatuation -continues for half a century, I suppose the whole county of Middlesex -will be covered with brick. - -It must be allowed, indeed, for the credit of the present age, that -London and Westminster are much better paved and lighted than they -were formerly. The new streets are spacious, regular, and airy; and -the houses generally convenient. The bridge at Blackfriars is a noble -monument of taste and public-spirit.--I wonder how they stumbled upon -a work of such magnificence and utility. But, notwithstanding these -improvements, the capital is become an overgrown monster; which, like -a dropsical head, will in time leave the body and extremities without -nourishment and support. The absurdity will appear in its full force, -when we consider that one sixth part of the natives of this whole -extensive kingdom is crowded within the bills of mortality. What -wonder that our villages are depopulated, and our farms in want of -day-labourers? The abolition of small farms is but one cause of the -decrease of population. Indeed, the incredible increase of horses and -black cattle, to answer the purposes of luxury, requires a prodigious -quantity of hay and grass, which are raised and managed without much -labour; but a number of hands will always be wanted for the different -branches of agriculture, whether the farms be large or small. The tide -of luxury has swept all the inhabitants from the open country--The -poorest squire, as well as the richest peer, must have his house in -town, and make a figure with an extraordinary number of domestics. The -plough-boys, cow-herds, and lower hinds are debauched and seduced by -the appearance and discourse of those coxcombs in livery, when they make -their summer excursions. They desert their dirt and drudgery, and swarm -up to London, in hopes of getting into service, where they can live -luxuriously and wear fine clothes, without being obliged to work; for -idleness is natural to man--Great numbers of these, being disappointed -in their expectation, become thieves and sharpers; and London being -an immense wilderness, in which there is neither watch nor ward of any -signification, nor any order or police, affords them lurking-places as -well as prey. - -There are many causes that contribute to the daily increase of this -enormous mass; but they may be all resolved into the grand source of -luxury and corruption--About five and twenty years ago, very few, even -of the most opulent citizens of London, kept any equipage, or even any -servants in livery. Their tables produced nothing but plain boiled and -roasted, with a bottle of port and a tankard of beer. At present, every -trader in any degree of credit, every broker and attorney, maintains a -couple of footmen, a coachman, and postilion. He has his town-house, -and his country-house, his coach, and his post-chaise. His wife and -daughters appear in the richest stuffs, bespangled with diamonds. They -frequent the court, the opera, the theatre, and the masquerade. They -hold assemblies at their own houses: they make sumptuous entertainments, -and treat with the richest wines of Bordeaux, Burgundy, and Champagne. -The substantial tradesman, who wont to pass his evenings at the -ale-house for fourpence half-penny, now spends three shillings at the -tavern, while his wife keeps card-tables at home; she must likewise have -fine clothes, her chaise, or pad, with country lodgings, and go three -times a week to public diversions. Every clerk, apprentice, and even -waiter of tavern or coffeehouse, maintains a gelding by himself, or -in partnership, and assumes the air and apparel of a petit maitre--The -gayest places of public entertainment are filled with fashionable -figures; which, upon inquiry, will be found to be journeymen taylors, -serving-men, and abigails, disguised like their betters. - -In short, there is no distinction or subordination left--The different -departments of life are jumbled together--The hod-carrier, the low -mechanic, the tapster, the publican, the shopkeeper, the pettifogger, -the citizen, and courtier, all tread upon the kibes of one another: -actuated by the demons of profligacy and licentiousness, they are -seen every where rambling, riding, rolling, rushing, justling, mixing, -bouncing, cracking, and crashing in one vile ferment of stupidity -and corruption--All is tumult and hurry; one would imagine they were -impelled by some disorder of the brain, that will not suffer them to -be at rest. The foot-passengers run along as if they were pursued by -bailiffs. The porters and chairmen trot with their burthens. People, who -keep their own equipages, drive through the streets at full speed. Even -citizens, physicians, and apothecaries, glide in their chariots like -lightening. The hackney-coachmen make their horses smoke, and the -pavement shakes under them; and I have actually seen a waggon pass -through Piccadilly at the hand-gallop. In a word, the whole nation seems -to be running out of their wits. - -The diversions of the times are not ill suited to the genius of this -incongruous monster, called the public. Give it noise, confusion, glare, -and glitter; it has no idea of elegance and propriety--What are the -amusements of Ranelagh? One half of the company are following at the -other's tails, in an eternal circle; like so many blind asses in an -olive-mill, where they can neither discourse, distinguish, nor be -distinguished; while the other half are drinking hot water, under the -denomination of tea, till nine or ten o'clock at night, to keep them -awake for the rest of the evening. As for the orchestra, the vocal music -especially, it is well for the performers that they cannot be heard -distinctly. Vauxhall is a composition of baubles, overcharged with -paltry ornaments, ill conceived, and poorly executed; without any unity -of design, or propriety of disposition. It is an unnatural assembly of -objects, fantastically illuminated in broken masses; seemingly contrived -to dazzle the eyes and divert the imagination of the vulgar--Here a -wooden lion, there a stone statue; in one place, a range of things like -coffeehouse boxes, covered a-top; in another, a parcel of ale-house -benches; in a third, a puppet-show representation of a tin cascade; in -a fourth, a gloomy cave of a circular form, like a sepulchral vault half -lighted; in a fifth, a scanty flip of grass-plat, that would not afford -pasture sufficient for an ass's colt. The walks, which nature seems to -have intended for solitude, shade, and silence, are filled with crowds -of noisy people, sucking up the nocturnal rheums of an aguish climate; -and through these gay scenes, a few lamps glimmer like so many farthing -candles. - -When I see a number of well dressed people, of both sexes, sitting -on the covered benches, exposed to the eyes of the mob; and, which is -worse, to the cold, raw, night-air, devouring sliced beef, and swilling -port, and punch, and cyder, I can't help compassionating their temerity; -white I despise their want of taste and decorum; but, when they course -along those damp and gloomy walks, or crowd together upon the wet -gravel, without any other cover than the cope of Heaven, listening to -a song, which one half of them cannot possibly hear, how can I help -supposing they are actually possessed by a spirit, more absurd and -pernicious than any thing we meet with in the precincts of Bedlam? In -all probability, the proprietors of this, and other public gardens of -inferior note, in the skirts of the metropolis, are, in some shape, -connected with the faculty of physic, and the company of undertakers; -for, considering that eagerness in the pursuit of what is called -pleasure, which now predominates through every rank and denomination -of life, I am persuaded that more gouts, rheumatisms, catarrhs, and -consumptions are caught in these nocturnal pastimes, sub dio, than from -all the risques and accidents to which a life of toil and danger is -exposed. - -These, and other observations, which I have made in this excursion, will -shorten my stay at London, and send me back with a double relish to my -solitude and mountains; but I shall return by a different route from -that which brought me to town. I have seen some old friends, who -constantly resided in this virtuous metropolis, but they are so -changed in manners and disposition, that we hardly know or care for one -another--In our journey from Bath, my sister Tabby provoked me into a -transport of passion; during which, like a man who has drank himself -pot-valiant, I talked to her in such a stile of authority and -resolution, as produced a most blessed effect. She and her dog have been -remarkably quiet and orderly ever since this expostulation. How long -this agreeable calm will last, Heaven above knows--I flatter myself, the -exercise of travelling has been of service to my health; a circumstance -which encourages me to-proceed in my projected expedition to the North. -But I must, in the mean time, for the benefit and amusement of my -pupils, explore the depths of this chaos; this misshapen and monstrous -capital, without head or tail, members or proportion. - -Thomas was so insolent to my sister on the road, that I was obliged to -turn him off abruptly, betwixt Chippenham and Marlborough, where our -coach was overturned. The fellow was always sullen and selfish; but, -if he should return to the country, you may give him a character for -honesty and sobriety; and, provided he behaves with proper respect to -the family, let him have a couple of guineas in the name of - -Yours always, MATT. BRAMBLE LONDON, May 20. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -Inexpressible was the pleasure I received from yours of the 25th, which -was last night put into my hands by Mrs Brentford, the milliner, from -Gloucester--I rejoice to hear that my worthy governess is in good -health, and, still more, that she no longer retains any displeasure -towards her poor Liddy. I am sorry you have lost the society of the -agreeable Miss Vaughn; but, I hope you won't have cause much longer to -regret the departure of your school companions, as I make no doubt but -your parents will, in a little time, bring you into the world, where you -are so well qualified to make a distinguished figure. When that is -the case, I flatter myself you and I shall meet again, and be happy -together; and even improve the friendship which we contracted in our -tender years. This at least I can promise--It shall not be for the want -of my utmost endeavours, if our intimacy does not continue for life. - -About five days ago we arrived in London, after an easy journey from -Bath; during which, however, we were overturned, and met with some other -little incidents, which, had like to have occasioned a misunderstanding -betwixt my uncle and aunt; but now, thank God, they are happily -reconciled: we live in harmony together, and every day make parties -to see the wonders of this vast metropolis, which, however, I cannot -pretend to describe; for I have not as yet seen one hundredth part of -its curiosities, and I am quite in a maze of admiration. - -The cities of London and Westminster are spread out into an incredible -extent. The streets, squares, rows, lanes, and alleys, are innumerable. -Palaces, public buildings, and churches rise in every quarter; -and, among these last, St Paul's appears with the most astonishing -pre-eminence. They say it is not so large as, St Peter's at Rome; but, -for my own part, I can have no idea of any earthly temple more grand and -magnificent. - -But even these superb objects are not so striking as the crowds of -people that swarm in the streets. I at first imagined that some -great assembly was just dismissed, and wanted to stand aside till the -multitude should pass; but this human tide continues to flow, without -interruption or abatement, from morn till night. Then there is such -an infinity of gay equipages, coaches, chariots, chaises, and other -carriages, continually rolling and shifting before your eyes, that -one's head grows giddy looking at them; and the imagination is quite -confounded with splendour and variety. Nor is the prospect by water -less grand and astonishing than that by land: you see three stupendous -bridges, joining the opposite banks of a broad, deep, and rapid river; -so vast, so stately, so elegant, that they seem to be the work of the -giants; betwixt them, the whole surface of the Thames is covered with -small vessels, barges, boats, and wherries, passing to and fro; and -below the three bridges, such a prodigious forest of masts, for miles -together, that you would think all the ships in the universe were here -assembled. All that you read of wealth and grandeur in the Arabian -Nights' Entertainment, and the Persian Tales, concerning Bagdad, -Diarbekir, Damascus, Ispahan, and Samarkand, is here realized. - -Ranelagh looks like the inchanted palace of a genie, adorned with -the most exquisite performances of painting, carving, and gilding, -enlightened with a thousand golden lamps, that emulate the noon-day -sun; crowded with the great, the rich, the gay, the happy, and the fair; -glittering with cloth of gold and silver, lace, embroidery, and precious -stones. While these exulting sons and daughters of felicity tread this -round of pleasure, or regale in different parties, and separate lodges, -with fine imperial tea and other delicious refreshments, their ears are -entertained with the most ravishing delights of music, both instrumental -and vocal. There I heard the famous Tenducci, a thing from Italy--It -looks for all the world like a man, though they say it is not. The -voice, to be sure, is neither man's nor woman's; but it is more -melodious than either; and it warbled so divinely, that, while I -listened, I really thought myself in paradise. - -At nine o'clock, in a charming moonlight evening, we embarked at -Ranelagh for Vauxhall, in a wherry so light and slender that we looked -like so many fairies sailing in a nutshell. My uncle, being apprehensive -of catching cold upon the water, went round in the coach, and my aunt -would have accompanied him, but he would not suffer me to go by water if -she went by land; and therefore she favoured us with her company, as she -perceived I had a curiosity to make this agreeable voyage--After all, -the vessel was sufficiently loaded; for, besides the waterman, there -was my brother Jery, and a friend of his, one Mr Barton, a country -gentleman, of a good fortune, who had dined at our house--The pleasure -of this little excursion was, however, damped, by my being sadly -frighted at our landing; where there was a terrible confusion of -wherries and a crowd of people bawling, and swearing, and quarrelling, -nay, a parcel of ugly-looking fellows came running into the water, and -laid hold of our boat with great violence, to pull it a-shore; nor would -they quit their hold till my brother struck one of them over the head -with his cane. But this flutter was fully recompensed by the pleasures -of Vauxhall; which I no sooner entered, than I was dazzled and -confounded with the variety of beauties that rushed all at once upon my -eye. Image to yourself, my dear Letty, a spacious garden, part laid out -in delightful walks, bounded with high hedges and trees, and paved with -gravel; part exhibiting a wonderful assemblage of the most picturesque -and striking objects' pavilions, lodges, groves, grottoes, lawns, -temples and cascades; porticoes, colonades, and rotundos; adorned with -pillars, statues, and painting: the whole illuminated with an infinite -number of lamps, disposed in different figures of suns, stars, and -constellations; the place crowded with the gayest company, ranging -through those blissful shades, or supping in different lodges on cold -collations, enlivened with mirth, freedom, and good humour, and animated -by an excellent band of music. Among the vocal performers I had the -happiness to hear the celebrated Mrs--, whose voice was loud and shrill, -that it made my head ake through excess of pleasure. - -In about half an hour after we arrived we were joined by my uncle, who -did not seem to relish the place. People of experience and infirmity, my -dear Letty, see with very different eyes from those that such as you and -I make use of--Our evening's entertainment was interrupted by an unlucky -accident. In one of the remotest walks we were surprised with a sudden -shower, that set the whole company a-running, and drove us in heaps, -one upon another, into the rotunda; where my uncle, finding himself wet, -began to be very peevish and urgent to be gone. My brother went to look -for the coach, and found it with much difficulty; but as it could -not hold us all, Mr Barton stayed behind. It was some time before -the carriage could be brought up to the gate, in the confusion, -notwithstanding the utmost endeavours of our new footman, Humphry -Clinker, who lost his scratch periwig, and got a broken head in the -scuffle. The moment we were seated, my aunt pulled off my uncle's shoes, -and carefully wrapped his poor feet in her capuchin; then she gave him -a mouth-ful of cordial, which she always keeps in her pocket, and his -clothes were shifted as soon as we arrived at lodgings; so that, blessed -be God, he escaped a severe cold, of which he was in great terror. - -As for Mr Barton, I must tell you in confidence, he was a little -particular; but, perhaps, I mistake his complaisance; and I wish I may, -for his sake--You know the condition of my poor heart: which, in spite -of hard usage--And yet I ought not to complain: nor will I, till farther -information. - -Besides Ranelagh and Vauxhall, I have been at Mrs Cornelys' assembly, -which, for the rooms, the company, the dresses, and decorations, -surpasses all description; but as I have no great turn for card playing, -I have not yet entered thoroughly into the spirit of the place: indeed I -am still such a country hoyden, that I could hardly find patience to be -put in a condition to appear, yet, as I was not above six hours under -the hands of the hair-dresser, who stuffed my head with as much black -wool as would have made a quilted petticoat; and, after all, it was the -smallest head in the assembly, except my aunt's--She, to be sure, was -so particular with her rumpt gown and petticoat, her scanty curls, her -lappethead, deep triple ruffles, and high stays, that every body looked -at her with surprise: some whispered, and some tittered; and lady -Griskin, by whom we were introduced, flatly told her, she was twenty -good years behind the fashion. - -Lady Griskin is a person of fashion, to whom we have the honour to be -related. She keeps a small rout at her own house, never exceeding ten -or a dozen card-tables, but these are frequented by the best company in -town--She has been so obliging as to introduce my aunt and me to some of -her particular friends of quality, who treat us with the most familiar -good-humour: we have once dined with her, and she takes the trouble -to direct us in all our motions. I am so happy as to have gained her -goodwill to such a degree, that she sometimes adjusts my cap with her -own hands; and she has given me a kind invitation to stay with her all -the winter. This, however, has been cruelly declined by my uncle who -seems to be (I know not how) prejudiced against the good lady; for, -whenever my aunt happens to speak in her commendation, I observe that he -makes wry faces, though he says nothing--Perhaps, indeed, these grimaces -may be the effect of pain arising from the gout and rheumatism, with -which he is sadly distressed--To me, however, he is always good-natured -and generous, even beyond my wish. Since we came hither, he has made -me a present of a suit of clothes, with trimmings and laces, which cost -more money than I shall mention; and Jery, at his desire, has given me -my mother's diamond crops, which are ordered to be set a-new; so that it -won't be his fault if I do not glitter among the stars of the fourth or -fifth magnitude. I wish my weak head may not grow giddy in the midst -of all this gallantry and dissipation; though, as yet, I can safely -declare, I could gladly give up all these tumultuous pleasures, for -country solitude, and a happy retreat with those we love; among whom, my -dear Willis will always possess the first place in the breast of her - -Ever affectionate, LYDIA MELFORD LONDON, May 31. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -I send you this letter, franked by our old friend Barton; who is as much -altered as it was possible for a man of his kidney to be. Instead of -the careless, indolent sloven we knew at Oxford, I found him a busy -talkative politician; a petit-maitre in his dress, and a ceremonious -courtier in his manners. He has not gall enough in his constitution -to be enflamed with the rancour of party, so as to deal in scurrilous -invectives; but, since he obtained a place, he is become a warm partizan -of the ministry, and sees every thing through such an exaggerating -medium, as to me, who am happily of no party, is altogether -incomprehensible--Without all doubt, the fumes of faction not only -disturb the faculty of reason, but also pervert the organs of sense; and -I would lay a hundred guineas to ten, that if Barton on one side, and -the most conscientious patriot in the opposition on the other, were to -draw, upon honour, the picture of the k[ing] or m[inisters], you and I, -who are still uninfected, and unbiased, would find both painters equally -distant from the truth. One thing, however, must be allowed for the -honour of Barton, he never breaks out into illiberal abuse, far less -endeavours, by infamous calumnies, to blast the moral character of any -individual on the other side. - -Ever since we came hither, he has been remarkably assiduous in his -attention to our family; an attention, which, in a man of his indolence -and avocations, I should have thought altogether odd, and even -unnatural, had not I perceived that my sister Liddy had made some -impression upon his heart. I cannot say that I have any objection to -his trying his fortune in this pursuit: if an opulent estate and a great -flock of good-nature are sufficient qualifications in a husband, to -render the marriage-state happy for life, she may be happy with Barton; -but, I imagine, there is something else required to engage and secure -the affection of a woman of sense and delicacy: something which nature -has denied our friend--Liddy seems to be of the same opinion. When -he addresses himself to her in discourse, she seems to listen with -reluctance, and industriously avoids all particular communication; but -in proportion to her coyness, our aunt is coming. Mrs Tabitha goes more -than half way to meet his advances; she mistakes, or affects to mistake, -the meaning of his courtesy, which is rather formal and fulsome; she -returns his compliments with hyperbolical interest, she persecutes -him with her civilities at table, she appeals to him for ever in -conversation, she sighs, and flirts, and ogles, and by her hideous -affectation and impertinence, drives the poor courtier to the very -extremity of his complaisance; in short, she seems to have undertaken -the siege of Barton's heart, and carries on her approaches in such a -desperate manner, that I don't know whether he will not be obliged to -capitulate. In the mean time, his aversion to this inamorata struggling -with his acquired affability, and his natural fear of giving offence, -throws him into a kind of distress which is extremely ridiculous. - -Two days ago, he persuaded my uncle and me to accompany him to St -James's, where he undertook to make us acquainted with the persons -of all the great men in the kingdom; and, indeed, there was a great -assemblage of distinguished characters, for it was a high festival at -court. Our conductor performed his promise with great punctuality. -He pointed out almost every individual of both sexes, and generally -introduced them to our notice, with a flourish of panegyrick--Seeing the -king approach, 'There comes (said he) the most amiable sovereign -that ever swayed the sceptre of England: the delicioe humani generis; -Augustus, in patronizing merit; Titus Vespasian in generosity; Trajan -in beneficence; and Marcus Aurelius in philosophy.' 'A very honest kind -hearted gentleman (added my uncle) he's too good for the times. A king -of England should have a spice of the devil in his composition.' Barton, -then turning to the duke of C[umberland], proceeded,--'You know the -duke, that illustrious hero, who trode rebellion under his feet, and -secured us in possession of every thing we ought to hold dear, as -English men and Christians. Mark what an eye, how penetrating, yet -pacific! what dignity in his mien! what humanity in his aspect--Even -malice must own, that he is one of the greatest officers in -Christendom.' 'I think he is (said Mr Bramble) but who are these young -gentlemen that stand beside him?' 'Those! (cried our friend) those are -his royal nephews; the princes of the blood. Sweet young princes! the -sacred pledges of the Protestant line; so spirited, so sensible, -so princely'--'Yes; very sensible! very spirited! (said my uncle, -interrupting him) but see the queen! ha, there's the queen!--There's the -queen! let me see--Let me see--Where are my glasses? ha! there's meaning -in that eye--There's sentiment--There's expression--Well, Mr Barton, -what figure do you call next?' The next person he pointed out, was the -favourite yearl; who stood solitary by one of the windows--'Behold -yon northern star (said he) shorn of his beams'--'What! the Caledonian -luminary, that lately blazed so bright in our hemisphere! methinks, at -present, it glimmers through a fog; like Saturn without his ring, bleak, -and dim, and distant--Ha, there's the other great phenomenon, the grand -pensionary, that weathercock of patriotism that veers about in every -point of the political compass, and still feels the wind of popularity -in his tail. He too, like a portentous comet, has risen again above the -court-horizon; but how long he will continue to ascend, it is not easy -to foretell, considering his great eccentricity--Who are those two -satellites that attend his motions?' When Barton told him their names, -'To their characters (said Mr Bramble) I am no stranger. One of them, -without a drop of red blood in his veins, has a cold intoxicating vapour -in his head; and rancour enough in his heart to inoculate and affect -a whole nation. The other is (I hear) intended for a share in the -ad[ministratio]n, and the pensionary vouches for his being duly -qualified--The only instance I ever heard of his sagacity, was his -deserting his former patron, when he found him declining in power, and -in disgrace with the people. Without principle, talent, or intelligence, -he is ungracious as a hog, greedy as a vulture, and thievish as a -jackdaw; but, it must be owned, he is no hypocrite. He pretends to no -virtue, and takes no pains to disguise his character--His ministry -will be attended with one advantage, no man will be disappointed by his -breach of promise, as no mortal ever trusted to his word. I wonder how -lord--first discovered this happy genius, and for what purpose lord--has -now adopted him: but one would think, that as amber has a power to -attract dirt, and straws, and chaff, a minister is endued with the same -kind of faculty, to lick up every knave and blockhead in his way'--His -eulogium was interrupted by the arrival of the old duke of N--; who, -squeezing into the circle with a busy face of importance, thrust his -head into every countenance, as if he had been in search of somebody, to -whom he wanted to impart something of great consequence--My uncle, who -had been formerly known to him, bowed as he passed; and the duke seeing -himself saluted so respectfully by a well-dressed person, was not slow -in returning the courtesy--He even came up, and, taking him cordially by -the hand, 'My dear friend, Mr A-- (said he) I am rejoiced to see you-- -How long have you been come from abroad?--How did you leave our good -friends the Dutch? The king of Prussia don't think of another war, -ah?--He's a great king! a great conqueror! a very great conqueror! Your -Alexanders and Hannibals were nothing, at all to him, sir--Corporals! -drummers! dross! mere trash--Damned trash, heh?'--His grace being by -this time out of breath, my uncle took the opportunity to tell him he -had not been out of England, that his name was Bramble, and that he had -the honour to sit in the last parliament but one of the late king, as -representative for the borough of Dymkymraig. 'Odso! (cried the duke) I -remember you perfectly well, my dear Mr Bramble--You was always a -good and loyal subject--a stanch friend to administration--I made your -brother an Irish bishop'--'Pardon me, my lord (said the squire) I once -had a brother, but he was a captain in the army'--'Ha! (said his -grace) he was so--He was, indeed! But who was the Bishop then! Bishop -Blackberry--Sure it was bishop Blackberry. Perhaps some relation of -yours'--'Very likely, my lord (replied my uncle); the Blackberry is the -fruit of the Bramble--But, I believe, the bishop is not a berry of our -bush'--'No more he is--No more he is, ha, ha, ha! (exclaimed the duke) -there you gave me a scratch, good Mr Bramble, ha, ha, ha!--Well, -I shall be glad to see you at Lincoln's inn-fields--You know the -way--Times are altered. Though I have lost the power, I retain the -inclination--Your very humble servant, good Mr Blackberry'--So saying, -he shoved to another corner of the room. 'What a fine old gentleman! -(cried Mr Barton) what spirits! what a memory! He never forgets an old -friend.' 'He does me too much honour (observed our squire) to rank me -among the number--Whilst I sat in parliament, I never voted with the -ministry but three times, when my conscience told me they were in the -right: however, if he still keeps levee, I will carry my nephew thither, -that he may see, and learn to avoid the scene; for, I think, an English -gentleman never appears to such disadvantage, as at the levee of a -minister--Of his grace I shall say nothing at present, but that for -thirty years he was the constant and common butt of ridicule and -execration. He was generally laughed at as an ape in politics, whose -office and influence served only to render his folly the more notorious; -and the opposition cursed him, as the indefatigable drudge of a -first-mover, who was justly stiled and stigmatized as the father of -corruption: but this ridiculous ape, this venal drudge, no sooner lost -the places he was so ill qualified to fill, and unfurled the banners of -faction, than he was metamorphosed into a pattern of public virtue; the -very people who reviled him before, now extolled him to the skies, as a -wise, experienced statesman, chief pillar of the Protestant succession, -and corner stone of English liberty. I should be glad to know how Mr -Barton reconciles these contradictions, without obliging us to resign -all title to the privilege of common sense.' 'My dear sir (answered -Barton) I don't pretend to justify the extravagations of the multitude; -who, I suppose, were as wild in their former censure, as in the present -praise: but I shall be very glad to attend you on Thursday next to his -grace's levee; where, I'm afraid, we shall not be crowded with company; -for, you know, there's a wide difference between his present office of -president of the council, and his former post of first lord commissioner -of the treasury.' - -This communicative friend having announced all the remarkable characters -of both sexes, that appeared at court, we resolved to adjourn, and -retired. At the foot of the stair-case, there was a crowd of lacqueys -and chairmen, and in the midst of them stood Humphry Clinker, exalted -upon a stool, with his hat in one hand, and a paper in the other, in -the act of holding forth to the people--Before we could inquire into the -meaning of this exhibition, he perceived his master, thrust the paper -into his pocket, descended from his elevation, bolted through the crowd, -and brought up the carriage to the gate. - -My uncle said nothing till we were seated, when, after having looked at -me earnestly for some time, he burst out a-laughing, and asked if I knew -upon what subject Clinker was holding forth to the mob--'If (said he) -the fellow is turned mountebank, I must turn him out of my service, -otherwise he'll make Merry Andrews of us all'--I observed, that, in -all probability, he had studied medicine under his master, who was a -farrier. - -At dinner, the squire asked him, if he had ever practised physic? 'Yes, -and please your honour (said he) among brute beasts; but I never meddle -with rational creatures.' 'I know not whether you rank in that class the -audience you was haranguing in the court at St. James's, but I should be -glad to know what kind of powders you was distributing; and whether you -had a good sale'--'Sale, sir! (cried Clinker) I hope I shall never be -base enough to sell for gold and silver, what freely comes of God's -grace. I distributed nothing, an like your honour, but a word of -advice to my fellows in servitude and sin.' 'Advice! concerning what?' -'Concerning profane swearing, an please your honour; so horrid and -shocking, that it made my hair stand on end.' 'Nay, if thou can'st cure -them Of that disease, I shall think thee a wonderful doctor indeed' 'Why -not cure them, my good master? the hearts of those poor people are not -so stubborn as your honour seems to think--Make them first sensible -that you have nothing in view but their good, then they will listen with -patience, and easily be convinced of the sin and folly of a practice -that affords neither profit nor pleasure--At this remark, our uncle -changed colour, and looked round the company, conscious that his own -withers were not altogether unwrung. 'But, Clinker (said he) if you -should have eloquence enough to persuade the vulgar to resign those -tropes and figures of rhetoric, there will be little or nothing left to -distinguish their conversation from that of their betters.' 'But then -your honour knows, their conversation will be void of offence; and, at -the day of judgment, there will be no distinction of persons.' - -Humphry going down stairs to fetch up a bottle of wine, my uncle -congratulated his sister upon having such a reformer in the family; when -Mrs Tabitha declared, he was a sober civilized fellow; very respectful, -and very industrious; and, she believed, a good Christian into -the bargain. One would think, Clinker must really have some very -extraordinary talent, to ingratiate himself in this manner with a -virago of her character, so fortified against him with prejudice and -resentment; but the truth is, since the adventure of Salt-hill, Mrs -Tabby seems to be entirely changed. She has left off scolding the -servants, an exercise which was grown habitual, and even seemed -necessary to her constitution; and is become so indifferent to Chowder, -as to part with him in a present to lady Griskin, who proposes to bring -the breed of him into fashion. Her ladyship is the widow of Sir Timothy -Griskin, a distant relation of our family. She enjoys a jointure of five -hundred pounds a-year, and makes shift to spend three times that sum. -Her character before marriage was a little equivocal; but at present she -lives in the bon ton, keeps card-tables, gives private suppers to select -friends, and is visited by persons of the first fashion--She has been -remarkably civil to us all, and cultivates my uncle with the most -particular regard; but the more she strokes him, the more his bristles -seem to rise--To her compliments he makes very laconic and dry -returns--T'other day she sent us a pottle of fine strawberries, which -he did not receive without signs of disgust, muttering from the Aeneid, -timeo Danaos et Dona ferentes. She has twice called for Liddy, of a -forenoon, to take an airing in the coach; but Mrs Tabby was always so -alert (I suppose by his direction) that she never could have the niece -without her aunt's company. I have endeavoured to sound Square-toes on -this subject; but he carefully avoids all explanation. - -I have now, dear Phillips, filled a whole sheet, and if you have read it -to an end, I dare say, you are as tired as - -Your humble servant, J. MELFORD LONDON, June 2. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -Yes, Doctor, I have seen the British Museum; which is a noble -collection, and even stupendous, if we consider it was made by a private -man, a physician, who was obliged to make his own for tune at the same -time: but great as the collection is, it would appear more striking if -it was arranged in one spacious saloon, instead of being divided into -different apartments, which it does not entirely fill--I could wish the -series of medals was connected, and the whole of the animal, vegetable, -and mineral kingdoms completed, by adding to each, at the public -expence, those articles that are wanting. It would likewise be a great -improvement, with respect to the library, if the deficiencies were made -up, by purchasing all the books of character that are not to be found -already in the collection--They might be classed in centuries, according -to the dates of their publication, and catalogues printed of them and -the manuscripts, for the information of those that want to consult, or -compile from such authorities. I could also wish, for the honour of the -nation, that there was a complete apparatus for a course of mathematics, -mechanics, and experimental philosophy; and a good salary settled upon -an able professor, who should give regular lectures on these subjects. - -But this is all idle speculation, which will never be reduced to -practice--Considering the temper of the times, it is a wonder to see any -institution whatsoever established for the benefit of the Public. The -spirit of party is risen to a kind of phrenzy, unknown to former ages, -or rather degenerated to a total extinction of honesty and candour--You -know I have observed, for some time, that the public papers are become -the infamous vehicles of the most cruel and perfidious defamation: every -rancorous knave every desperate incendiary, that can afford to spend -half a crown or three shillings, may skulk behind the press of a -newsmonger, and have a stab at the first character in the kingdom, -without running the least hazard of detection or punishment. - -I have made acquaintance with a Mr Barton, whom Jery knew at Oxford; -a good sort of a man, though most ridiculously warped in his political -principles; but his partiality is the less offensive, as it never -appears in the stile of scurrility and abuse. He is a member of -parliament, and a retainer to the court; and his whole conversation -turns upon the virtues and perfections of the ministers, who are his -patrons. T'other day, when he was bedaubing one of those worthies, -with the most fulsome praise, I told him I had seen the same nobleman -characterised very differently, in one of the daily-papers; indeed, so -stigmatized, that if one half of what was said of him was true, he -must be not only unfit to rule, but even unfit to live: that those -impeachments had been repeated again and again, with the addition -of fresh matter; and that as he had taken no steps towards his own -vindication, I began to think there was some foundation for the charge. -'And pray, Sir (said Mr Barton), what steps would you have him take? -Suppose he should prosecute the publisher, who screens the anonymous -accuser, and bring him to the pillory for a libel; this is so far from -being counted a punishment, in terrorem, that it will probably make his -fortune. The multitude immediately take him into their protection, as a -martyr to the cause of defamation, which they have always espoused. They -pay his fine, they contribute to the increase of his stock, his shop is -crowded with customers, and the sale of his paper rises in proportion -to the scandal it contains. All this time the prosecutor is inveighed -against as a tyrant and oppressor, for having chosen to proceed by -the way of information, which is deemed a grievance; but if he lays an -action for damages, he must prove the damage, and I leave you to judge, -whether a gentleman's character may not be brought into contempt, and -all his views in life blasted by calumny, without his being able to -specify the particulars of the damage he has sustained. - -'This spirit of defamation is a kind of heresy, that thrives under -persecution. The liberty of the press is a term of great efficacy; and -like that of the Protestant religion, has often served the purposes of -sedition--A minister, therefore, must arm himself with patience, and -bear those attacks without repining--Whatever mischief they may do in -other respects, they certainly contribute, in one particular, to the -advantages of government; for those defamatory articles have multiplied -papers in such a manner, and augmented their sale to such a degree, that -the duty upon stamps and advertisements has made a very considerable -addition to the revenue.' Certain it is, a gentleman's honour is a very -delicate subject to be handled by a jury, composed of men, who cannot -be supposed remarkable either for sentiment or impartiality--In such a -case, indeed, the defendant is tried, not only by his peers, but also -by his party; and I really think, that of all patriots, he is the most -resolute who exposes himself to such detraction, for the sake of his -country--If, from the ignorance or partiality of juries, a gentleman can -have no redress from law, for being defamed in a pamphlet or newspaper, -I know but one other method of proceeding against the publisher, which -is attended with some risque, but has been practised successfully, more -than once, in my remembrance--A regiment of horse was represented, in -one of the newspapers, as having misbehaved at Dettingen; a captain -of that regiment broke the publisher's bones, telling him, at the same -time, if he went to law, he should certainly have the like salutation -from every officer of the corps. Governor--took the same satisfaction on -the ribs of an author, who traduced him by name in a periodical paper--I -know a low fellow of the same class, who, being turned out of Venice for -his impudence and scurrility, retired to Lugano, a town of the Grisons -(a free people, God wot) where he found a printing press, from whence he -squirted his filth at some respectable characters in the republic, which -he had been obliged to abandon. Some of these, finding him out of the -reach of legal chastisement, employed certain useful instruments, such -as may be found in all countries, to give him the bastinado; which, -being repeated more than once, effectually stopt the current of his -abuse. - -As for the liberty of the press, like every other privilege, it must be -restrained within certain bounds; for if it is carried to a branch of -law, religion, and charity, it becomes one of the greatest evils that -ever annoyed the community. If the lowest ruffian may stab your good -name with impunity in England, will you be so uncandid as to exclaim -against Italy for the practice of common assassination? To what purpose -is our property secured, if our moral character is left defenceless? -People thus baited, grow desperate; and the despair of being able to -preserve one's character, untainted by such vermin, produces a total -neglect of fame; so that one of the chief incitements to the practice of -virtue is effectually destroyed. - -Mr Barton's last consideration, respecting the stamp-duty, is equally -wise and laudable with another maxim which has been long adopted by our -financiers, namely, to connive at drunkenness, riot, and dissipation, -because they inhance the receipt of the excise; not reflecting, that in -providing this temporary convenience, they are destroying the morals, -health, and industry of the people--Notwithstanding my contempt for -those who flatter a minister, I think there is something still more -despicable in flattering a mob. When I see a man of birth, education, -and fortune, put himself on a level with the dregs of the people, mingle -with low mechanics, feed with them at the same board, and drink with -them in the same cup, flatter their prejudices, harangue in praise of -their virtues, expose themselves to the belchings of their beer, the -fumes of their tobacco, the grossness of their familiarity, and the -impertinence of their conversation, I cannot help despising him, as -a man guilty of the vilest prostitution, in order to effect a purpose -equally selfish and illiberal. - -I should renounce politics the more willingly, if I could find other -topics of conversation discussed with more modesty and candour; but the -daemon of party seems to have usurped every department of life. Even -the world of literature and taste is divided into the most virulent -factions, which revile, decry, and traduce the works of one another. -Yesterday, I went to return an afternoon's visit to a gentleman of my -acquaintance, at whose house I found one of the authors of the present -age, who has written with some success--As I had read one or two of his -performances, which gave me pleasure, I was glad of this opportunity -to know his person; but his discourse and deportment destroyed all the -impressions which his writings had made in his favour. He took upon him -to decide dogmatically upon every subject, without deigning to shew the -least cause for his differing from the general opinions of mankind, -as if it had been our duty to acquiesce in the ipse dixit of this new -Pythagoras. He rejudged the characters of all the principal authors, who -had died within a century of the present time; and, in this revision, -paid no sort of regard to the reputation they had acquired--Milton was -harsh and prosaic; Dryden, languid and verbose; Butler and Swift -without humour; Congreve, without wit; and Pope destitute of any sort of -poetical merit--As for his contemporaries, he could not bear to hear -one of them mentioned with any degree of applause--They were all dunces, -pedants, plagiaries, quacks, and impostors; and you could not name a -single performance, but what was tame, stupid, and insipid. It must be -owned, that this writer had nothing to charge his conscience with, on -the side of flattery; for I understand, he was never known to praise one -line that was written, even by those with whom he lived on terms of good -fellowship. This arrogance and presumption, in depreciating authors, for -whose reputation the company may be interested, is such an insult upon -the understanding, as I could not bear without wincing. - -I desired to know his reasons for decrying some works, which had -afforded me uncommon pleasure; and, as demonstration did not seem to be -his talent, I dissented from his opinion with great freedom. Having been -spoiled by the deference and humility of his hearers, he did not bear -contradiction with much temper; and the dispute might have grown warm, -had it not been interrupted by the entrance of a rival bard, at whose -appearance he always quits the place--They are of different cabals, and -have been at open war these twenty years--If the other was dogmatical, -this genius was declamatory: he did not discourse, but harangue; and his -orations were equally tedious and turgid. He too pronounces ex cathedra -upon the characters of his contemporaries; and though he scruples not to -deal out praise, even lavishly, to the lowest reptile in Grubstreet who -will either flatter him in private, or mount the public rostrum as his -panegyrist, he damns all the other writers of the age, with the utmost -insolence and rancour--One is a blunderbuss, as being a native of -Ireland; another, a half-starved louse of literature, from the banks -of the Tweed; a third, an ass, because he enjoys a pension from the -government; a fourth, the very angel of dulness, because he succeeded in -a species of writing in which this Aristarchus had failed; a fifth, who -presumed to make strictures upon one of his performances, he holds as -a bug in criticism, whose stench is more offensive than his sting--In -short, except himself and his myrmidons, there is not a man of genius -or learning in the three kingdoms. As for the success of those, who have -written without the pale of this confederacy, he imputes it entirely to -want of taste in the public; not considering, that to the approbation of -that very tasteless public, he himself owes all the consequence he has -in life. - -Those originals are not fit for conversation. If they would maintain the -advantage they have gained by their writing, they should never appear -but upon paper--For my part, I am shocked to find a man have sublime -ideas in his head, and nothing but illiberal sentiments in his -heart--The human soul will be generally found most defective in the -article of candour--I am inclined to think, no mind was ever wholly -exempt from envy; which, perhaps, may have been implanted, as an -instinct essential to our nature. I am afraid we sometimes palliate -this vice, under the spacious name of emulation. I have known a person -remarkably generous, humane, moderate, and apparently self-denying, -who could not hear even a friend commended, without betraying marks of -uneasiness; as if that commendation had implied an odious comparison -to his prejudice, and every wreath of praise added to the other's -character, was a garland plucked from his own temples. This is a -malignant species of jealousy, of which I stand acquitted in my own -conscience. - -Whether it is a vice, or an infirmity, I leave you to inquire. - -There is another point, which I would much rather see determined; -whether the world was always as contemptible, as it appears to me at -present?--If the morals of mankind have not contracted an extraordinary -degree of depravity, within these thirty years, then must I be infected -with the common vice of old men, difficilis, querulus, laudator temporis -acti; or, which is more probable, the impetuous pursuits and avocations -of youth have formerly hindered me from observing those rotten parts of -human nature, which now appear so offensively to my observation. - -We have been at court, and 'change, and every where; and every where we -find food for spleen, and subject for ridicule--My new servant, -Humphry Clinker, turns out a great original: and Tabby is a changed -creature--She has parted with Chowder; and does nothing but smile, like -Malvolio in the play--I'll be hanged if she is not acting a part which -is not natural to her disposition, for some purpose which I have not yet -discovered. - -With respect to the characters of mankind, my curiosity is quite -satisfied: I have done with the science of men, and must now endeavour -to amuse myself with the novelty of things. I am, at present, by a -violent effort of the mind, forced from my natural bias; but this power -ceasing to act, I shall return to my solitude with redoubled velocity. -Every thing I see, and hear, and feel, in this great reservoir of folly, -knavery, and sophistication, contributes to inhance the value of a -country life, in the sentiments of - -Yours always, MATT. BRAMBLE LONDON, June 2. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MARY JONES, - -Lady Griskin's botler, Mr Crumb, having got 'squire Barton to frank me -a kiver, I would not neglect to let you know how it is with me, and the -rest of the family. - -I could not rite by John Thomas, for because he went away in a huff, -at a minutes' warning. He and Chowder could not agree, and so they fitt -upon the road, and Chowder bitt his thumb, and he swore he would do him -a mischief, and he spoke saucy to mistress, whereby the squire turned -him off in gudgeon; and by God's providence we picked up another -footman, called Umphry Klinker; a good sole as ever broke bread; -which shews that a scalded cat may prove a good mouser, and a hound be -staunch, thof he has got narro hare on his buttocks; but the proudest -nose may be bro't to the grinestone, by sickness and misfortunes. - -0 Molly! what shall I say of London? All the towns that ever I beheld -in my born-days, are no more than Welsh barrows and crumlecks to this -wonderful sitty! Even Bath itself is but a fillitch, in the naam of -God--One would think there's no end of the streets, but the land's end. -Then there's such a power of people, going hurry skurry! Such a racket -of coxes! Such a noise, and haliballoo! So many strange sites to be -seen! O gracious! my poor Welsh brain has been spinning like a top ever -since I came hither! And I have seen the Park, and the paleass of Saint -Gimses, and the king's and the queen's magisterial pursing, and the -sweet young princes, and the hillyfents, and pye bald ass, and all the -rest of the royal family. - -Last week I went with mistress to the Tower, to see the crowns and wild -beastis; and there was a monstracious lion, with teeth half a quarter -long; and a gentleman bid me not go near him, if I wasn't a maid; being -as how he would roar, and tear, and play the dickens--Now I had no mind -to go near him; for I cannot abide such dangerous honeymils, not I--but, -mistress would go; and the beast kept such a roaring and bouncing, -that I tho't he would have broke his cage and devoured us all; and the -gentleman tittered forsooth; but I'll go to death upon it, I will, -that my lady is as good a firchin, as the child unborn; and, therefore, -either the gentleman told a fib, or the lion oft to be set in the -stocks for bearing false witness agin his neighbour; for the commandment -sayeth, Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. - -I was afterwards of a party at Sadler's-wells, where I saw such tumbling -and dancing upon ropes and wires, that I was frightened and ready to -go into a fit--I tho't it was all inchantment; and, believing myself -bewitched, began for to cry--You knows as how the witches in Wales fly -upon broom-sticks: but here was flying without any broom-stick, or thing -in the varsal world, and firing of pistols in the air, and blowing of -trumpets, and swinging, and rolling of wheel-barrows upon a wire (God -bless us!) no thicker than a sewing-thread; that, to be sure, they must -deal with the devil!--A fine gentleman, with a pig's-tail, and a golden -sord by his side, come to comfit me, and offered for to treat me with -a pint of wind; but I would not stay; and so, in going through the dark -passage, he began to shew his cloven futt, and went for to be rude: my -fellow-sarvant, Umphry Klinker, bid him be sivil, and he gave the young -man a dowse in the chops; but, I fackins, Mr Klinker wa'n't long in -his debt--with a good oaken sapling he dusted his doublet, for all his -golden cheese toaster; and, fipping me under his arm, carried me huom, I -nose not how, being I was in such a flustration--But, thank God! I'm -now vaned from all such vanities; for what are all those rarities and -vagaries to the glory that shall be revealed hereafter? O Molly! let not -your poor heart be puffed up with vanity. - -I had almost forgot to tell you, that I have had my hair cut and -pippered, and singed, and bolstered, and buckled, in the newest fashion, -by a French freezer--Parley vow Francey--Vee madmansell--I now carries -my head higher than arrow private gentlewoman of Vales. Last night, -coming huom from the meeting, I was taken by lamp-light for an iminent -poulterer's daughter, a great beauty--But as I was saying, this is all -vanity and vexation of spirit--The pleasures of London are no better -than sower whey and stale cyder, when compared to the joys of the new -Gerusalem. - -Dear Mary Jones! An please God when I return, I'll bring you a new cap, -with a turkey-shell coom, and a pyehouse sermon, that was preached in -the Tabernacle; and I pray of all love, you will mind your vriting -and your spilling; for, craving your pardon, Molly, it made me suet -to disseyffer your last scrabble, which was delivered by the hind at -Bath--0, voman! voman! if thou had'st but the least consumption of what -pleasure we scullers have, when we can cunster the crabbidst buck off -hand, and spell the ethnitch vords without lucking at the primmer. As -for Mr Klinker, he is qualified to be a clerk to a parish--But I'll say -no more--Remember me to Saul--poor sole! it goes to my hart to think -she don't yet know her letters--But all in God's good time--It shall go -hard, but I will bring her the A B C in gingerbread; and that, you nose, -will be learning to her taste. - -Mistress says, we are going a long gurney to the North; but go where we -will, I shall ever be, - -Dear Mary Jones, Yours with true infection WIN. JENKINS LONDON, June 3. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -I mentioned in my last, my uncle's design of going to the duke of N--'s -levee; which design has been executed accordingly. His grace has been -so long accustomed to this kind of homage, that though the place he now -fills does not imply the tenth part of the influence, which he exerted -in his former office, he has given his friends to understand, that they -cannot oblige him in any thing more, than in contributing to support -the shadow of that power, which he no longer retains in substance; and -therefore he has still public days, on which they appear at his levee. - -My uncle and I went thither with Mr Barton, who, being one of the duke's -adherents, undertook to be our introducer--The room was pretty well -filled with people, in a great variety of dress; but there was no more -than one gown and cassock, though I was told his grace had, while he was -minister, preferred almost every individual that now filled the bench of -bishops in the house of lords; but in all probability, the gratitude of -the clergy is like their charity, which shuns the light--Mr Barton -was immediately accosted by a person well stricken in years, tall, and -raw-boned, with a hook-nose, and an arch leer, that indicated, at least, -as much cunning as sagacity. Our conductor saluted him, by the name of -captain C--, and afterwards informed us he was a man of shrewd parts, -whom the government occasionally employed in secret services. But I have -had the history of him more at large, from another quarter. He had been, -many years ago, concerned in fraudulent practices, as a merchant, in -France; and being convicted of some of them, was sent to the gallies, -from whence he was delivered by the interest of the late duke of Ormond, -to whom he had recommended himself in letter, as his name-sake and -relation--He was in the sequel, employed by our ministry as a spy; -and in the war of 1740, traversed all Spain, as well as France, in the -disguise of a capuchin, at the extreme hazard of his life, in as much as -the court of Madrid had actually got scent of him, and given orders to -apprehend him at St Sebastian's, from whence he had fortunately retired -but a few hours before the order arrived. This and other hair-breadth -'scapes he pleaded so effectually as a merit with the English ministry, -that they allowed him a comfortable pension, which he now enjoys in his -old age--He has still access to all the ministers, and is said to be -consulted by them on many subjects, as a man of uncommon understanding -and great experience--He is, in fact, a fellow of some parts, and -invincible assurance; and, in his discourse, he assumes such an air -of self-sufficiency, as may very well impose upon some of the shallow -politicians, who now labour at the helm of administration. But, if he is -not belied, this is not the only imposture of which he is guilty--They -say, he is at bottom not only a Roman-catholic, but really a priest; and -while he pretends to disclose to our state-pilots all the springs that -move the cabinet of Versailles, he is actually picking up intelligence -for the service of the French minister. Be that as it may, captain -C-- entered into conversation with us in the most familiar manner, and -treated the duke's character without any ceremony--'This wiseacre (said -he) is still a-bed; and, I think, the best thing he can do, is to sleep -on till Christmas; for, when he gets up, he does nothing but expose his -own folly.--Since Grenville was turned out, there has been no minister -in this nation worth the meal that whitened his peri-wig--They are so -ignorant, they scarce know a crab from a cauliflower; and then they -are such dunces, that there's no making them comprehend the plainest -proposition--In the beginning of the war, this poor half-witted creature -told me, in a great fright, that thirty thousand French had marched -from Acadie to Cape Breton--"Where did they find transports? (said I)" -"Transports (cried he) I tell you they marched by land"--"By land to the -island of Cape Breton?" "What! is Cape Breton an island?" "Certainly." -"Ha! are you sure of that?" When I pointed it out in the map, he -examined it earnestly with his spectacles; then, taking me in his arms, -"My dear C--! (cried he) you always bring us good news--Egad! I'll go -directly, and tell the king that Cape Breton is an island."' - -He seemed disposed to entertain us with more anecdotes of this nature, -at the expense of his grace, when he was interrupted by the arrival -of the Algerine ambassador; a venerable Turk, with a long white beard, -attended by his dragoman, or interpreter, and another officer of his -household, who had got no stockings to his legs--Captain C-- immediately -spoke with an air of authority to a servant in waiting, bidding him go -and tell the duke to rise, as there was a great deal of company come, -and, among others, the ambassador from Algiers. Then, turning to -us, 'This poor Turk (said he) notwithstanding his grey beard, is a -green-horn--He has been several years resident in London, and still is -ignorant of our political revolutions. This visit is intended for -the prime minister of England; but you'll see how this wise duke will -receive it as a mark of attachment to his own person'--Certain it is, -the duke seemed eager to acknowledge the compliment--A door opened, -he suddenly bolted out; with a shaving-cloth under his chin, his -face frothed up to the eyes with soap lather; and running up to the -ambassador, grinned hideous in his face--'My dear Mahomet! (said he) God -love your long beard, I hope the dey will make you a horsetail at the -next promotion, ha, ha, ha! Have but a moment's patience, and I'll send -to you in a twinkling,'--So saying, he retired into his den, leaving -the Turk in some confusion. After a short pause, however, he said -something to his interpreter, the meaning of which I had great -curiosity to know, as he turned up his eyes while he spoke, expressing -astonishment, mixed with devotion. We were gratified by means of the -communicative captain C--, who conversed with the dragoman, as an old -acquaintance. Ibrahim, the ambassador, who had mistaken his grace for -the minister's fool, was no sooner undeceived by the interpreter, than -he exclaimed to this effect 'Holy prophet! I don't wonder that this -nation prospers, seeing it is governed by the counsel of ideots; a -series of men, whom all good mussulmen revere as the organs of immediate -inspiration!' Ibrahim was favoured with a particular audience of short -duration; after which the duke conducted him to the door, and -then returned to diffuse his gracious looks among the crowd of his -worshippers. - -As Mr Barton advanced to present me to his grace, it was my fortune to -attract his notice, before I was announced--He forthwith met me more -than half way, and, seizing me by the hand, 'My dear Sir Francis! (cried -he) this is so kind--I vow to God! I am so obliged--Such attention to -a poor broken minister. Well--Pray when does your excellency set -sail?--For God's sake have a care of your health, and cat stewed -prunes in the passage. Next to your own precious health, pray, my dear -excellency, take care of the Five Nations--Our good friends the Five -Nations. The Toryrories, the Maccolmacks, the Out-o'the-ways, the -Crickets, and the Kickshaws--Let 'em have plenty of blankets, and -stinkubus, and wampum; and your excellency won't fail to scour -the kettle, and boil the chain, and bury the tree, and plant the -hatchet--Ha, ha, ha!' When he had uttered this rhapsody, with his usual -precipitation, Mr Barton gave him to understand, that I was neither Sir -Francis, nor St Francis, but simply Mr Melford, nephew to Mr Bramble; -who, stepping forward, made his bow at the same time. 'Odso! no more it -is Sir Francis--(said this wise statesman) Mr Melford, I'm glad to -see you--I sent you an engineer to fortify your dock--Mr Bramble--your -servant, Mr Bramble--How d'ye, good Mr Bramble? Your nephew is a pretty -young fellow--Faith and troth, a very pretty fellow!--His father is -my old friend--How does he hold it? Still troubled with that damned -disorder, ha?' 'No, my lord (replied my uncle), all his troubles are -over--He has been dead these fifteen years.' 'Dead! how--Yes faith! -now I remember: he is dead sure enough--Well, and how--does the -young gentleman stand for Haverford West? or--a what d'ye. My dear Mr -Milfordhaven, I'll do you all the service in my power I hope I have some -credit left'--My uncle then gave him to understand, that I was still a -minor; and that we had no intention to trouble him at present, for any -favour whatsoever--'I came hither with my nephew (added he) to pay our -respects to your grace; and I may venture to say, that his views and -mine are at least as disinterested as those of any individual in this -assembly.' 'My dear Mr Brambleberry! you do me infinite honour--I shall -always rejoice to see you and your hopeful nephew, Mr Milfordhaven--My -credit, such as it is, you may command--I wish we had more friends of -your kidney.' - -Then, turning to captain C--, 'Ha, C--! (said he) what news, C--? How -does the world wag? ha!' 'The world wags much after the old fashion, my -lord (answered the captain): the politicians of London and Westminster -have begun again to wag their tongues against your grace; and your -short-lived popularity wags like a feather, which the next puff of -antiministerial calumny will blow away'--'A pack of rascals (cried the -duke)--Tories, Jacobites, rebels; one half of them would wag their heels -at Tyburn, if they had their deserts'--So saying, he wheeled about; -and going round the levee, spoke to every individual, with the most -courteous familiarity; but he scarce ever opened his mouth without -making some blunder, in relation to the person or business of the party -with whom he conversed; so that he really looked like a comedian, hired -to burlesque the character of a minister--At length, a person of a very -prepossessing appearance coming in, his grace ran up, and, hugging him -in his arms, with the appellation of 'My dear Ch--s!' led him forthwith -into the inner apartment, or Sanctum Sanctorum of this political temple. -'That (said captain C--) is my friend C-- T--, almost the only man of -parts who has any concern in the present administration--Indeed, he -would have no concern at all in the matter, if the ministry did not find -it absolutely necessary to make use of his talents upon some particular -occasions--As for the common business of the nation, it is carried on in -a constant routine by the clerks of the different offices, otherwise the -wheels of government would be wholly stopt amidst the abrupt succession -of ministers, every one more ignorant than his predecessor--I am -thinking what a fine hovel we should be in, if all the clerks of the -treasury, the secretaries, of the war-office, and the admiralty, should -take it in their heads to throw up their places in imitation of the -great pensioner--But, to return to C-- T--; he certainly knows more -than all the ministry and all the opposition, if their heads were laid -together, and talks like an angel on a vast variety of subjects. He -would really be a great man, if he had any consistency or stability of -character--Then, it must be owned, he wants courage, otherwise he would -never allow himself to be cowed by the great political bully, for whose -understanding he has justly a very great contempt. I have seen him as -much afraid of that overbearing Hector, as ever schoolboy was of his -pedagogue; and yet this Hector, I shrewdly suspect, is no more than a -craven at bottom--Besides this defect, C-- has another, which he is -at too little pains to hide--There's no faith to be given to his -assertions, and no trust to be put in his promises--However, to give -the devil his due, he's very good-natured; and even friendly, when close -urged in the way of solicitation--As for principle, that's out of the -question--In a word, he is a wit and an orator, extremely entertaining, -and he shines very often at the expence even of those ministers to whom -he is a retainer. This is a mark of great imprudence, by which he has -made them all his enemies, whatever face they may put upon the matter; -and sooner or later he'll have cause to wish he had been able to keep -his own counsel. I have several times cautioned him on this subject; -but 'tis all preaching to the desert--His vanity runs away with his -discretion'--I could not help thinking the captain himself might have -been the better for some hints of the same nature--His panegyric, -excluding principle and veracity, puts me in mind of a contest I -once overheard, in the way of altercation, betwixt two apple-women -in Spring-garden--One of those viragos having hinted something to the -prejudice of the other's moral character, her antagonist, setting her -hands in her sides, replied--'Speak out, hussy--I scorn your malice--I -own I'm both a whore and a thief; and what more have you to say?--Damn -you, what more have you to say? baiting that, which all the world knows, -I challenge you to say black is the white of my eye'--We did not wait -for Mr T--'s coming forth; but after captain C-- had characterised all -the originals in waiting, we adjourned to a coffeehouse, where we had -buttered muffins and tea to breakfast, the said captain still favouring -us with his company--Nay, my uncle was so diverted with his anecdotes, -that he asked him to dinner, and treated him with a fine turbot, to -which he did ample justice--That same evening I spent at the tavern with -some friends, one of whom let me into C--'s character, which Mr Bramble -no sooner understood, than he expressed some concern for the connexion -he had made, and resolved to disengage himself from it without ceremony. - -We are become members of the Society for the Encouragement of the Arts, -and have assisted at some of their deliberations, which were conducted -with equal spirit and sagacity--My uncle is extremely fond of the -institution, which will certainly be productive of great advantages to -the public, if, from its democratical form, it does not degenerate into -cabal and corruption--You are already acquainted with his aversion to -the influence of the multitude, which, he affirms, is incompatible with -excellence, and subversive of order--Indeed his detestation of the mob -has been heightened by fear, ever since he fainted in the room at Bath; -and this apprehension has prevented him from going to the Little Theatre -in the Hay-market, and other places of entertainment, to which, however, -I have had the honour to attend the ladies. - -It grates old Square-toes to reflect, that it is not in his power to -enjoy even the most elegant diversions of the capital, without the -participation of the vulgar; for they now thrust themselves into all -assemblies, from a ridotto at St James's, to a hop at Rotherhithe. I -have lately seen our old acquaintance Dick Ivy, who we imagined had died -of dram-drinking; but he is lately emerged from the Fleet, by means of -a pamphlet which he wrote and published against the government with some -success. The sale of this performance enabled him to appear in clean -linen, and he is now going about soliciting subscriptions for his Poems; -but his breeches are not yet in the most decent order. - -Dick certainly deserves some countenance for his intrepidity and -perseverance--It is not in the power of disappointment, nor even of -damnation, to drive him to despair--After some unsuccessful essays in -the way of poetry, he commenced brandy-merchant, and I believe his -whole stock ran out through his own bowels; then he consorted with a -milk-woman, who kept a cellar in Petty France: but he could not make his -quarters good; he was dislodged and driven up stairs into the kennel by -a corporal in the second regiment of foot-guards--He was afterwards the -laureat of Blackfriars, from whence there was a natural transition to -the Fleet--As he had formerly miscarried in panegyric, he now turned his -thoughts to satire, and really seems to have some talent for abuse. If -he can hold out till the meeting of the parliament, and be prepared -for another charge, in all probability Dick will mount the pillory, -or obtain a pension, in either of which events his fortune will be -made--Mean while he has acquired some degree of consideration with the -respectable writers of the age; and as I have subscribed for his works, -he did me the favour t'other night to introduce me to a society of those -geniuses; but I found them exceedingly formal and reserved--They -seemed afraid and jealous of one another, and sat in a state of mutual -repulsion, like so many particles of vapour, each surrounded by its own -electrified atmosphere. Dick, who has more vivacity than judgment, tried -more than once to enliven the conversation; sometimes making an effort -at wit, sometimes letting off a pun, and sometimes discharging a -conundrum; nay, at length he started a dispute upon the hackneyed -comparison betwixt blank verse and rhyme, and the professors opened with -great clamour; but, instead of keeping to the subject, they launched -out into tedious dissertations on the poetry of the ancients; and one -of them, who had been a school-master, displayed his whole knowledge of -prosody, gleaned from Disputer and Ruddiman. At last, I ventured to say, -I did not see how the subject in question could be at all elucidated by -the practice of the ancients, who certainly had neither blank verse -nor rhyme in their poems, which were measured by feet, whereas ours are -reckoned by the number of syllables--This remark seemed to give umbrage -to the pedant, who forthwith involved himself in a cloud of Greek and -Latin quotations, which nobody attempted to dispel--A confused hum of -insipid observations and comments ensued; and, upon the whole, I never -passed a duller evening in my life--Yet, without all doubt, some of them -were men of learning, wit, and ingenuity. As they are afraid of making -free with one another, they should bring each his butt, or whet-stone, -along with him, for the entertainment of the company--My uncle says, he -never desires to meet with more than one wit at a time--One wit, like a -knuckle of ham in soup, gives a zest and flavour to the dish; but more -than one serves only to spoil the pottage--And now I'm afraid I have -given you an unconscionable mess, without any flavour at all; for which, -I suppose, you will bestow your benedictions upon - -Your friend, and servant J. MELFORD LONDON, June 5 - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS - -Your fable of the monkey and the pig, is what the Italians call ben -trovata: but I shall not repeat it to my apothecary, who is a proud -Scotchman, very thin skinned, and, for aught I know, may have his degree -in his pocket--A right Scotchman has always two strings to his bow, and -is in utrumque paratus--Certain it is, I have not 'scaped a scouring; -but, I believe, by means of that scouring, I have 'scaped something -worse, perhaps a tedious fit of the gout or rheumatism; for my appetite -began to flag, and I had certain croakings in the bowels, which boded me -no good--Nay, I am not yet quite free of these remembrances, which warn -me to be gone from this centre of infection-- - -What temptation can a man of my turn and temperament have, to live in -a place where every corner teems with fresh objects of detestation -and disgust? What kind of taste and organs must those people have, -who really prefer the adulterate enjoyments of the town to the genuine -pleasures of a country retreat? Most people, I know, are originally -seduced by vanity, ambition, and childish curiosity; which cannot be -gratified, but in the busy haunts of men: but, in the course of this -gratification, their very organs of sense are perverted, and they become -habitually lost to every relish of what is genuine and excellent in its -own nature. - -Shall I state the difference between my town grievances, and my country -comforts? At Brambleton-hall, I have elbow-room within doors, and -breathe a clear, elastic, salutary air--I enjoy refreshing sleep, which -is never disturbed by horrid noise, nor interrupted, but in a-morning, -by the sweet twitter of the martlet at my window--I drink the virgin -lymph, pure and chrystalline as it gushes from the rock, or the -sparkling beveridge, home-brewed from malt of my own making; or I -indulge with cyder, which my own orchard affords; or with claret of -the best growth, imported for my own use, by a correspondent on whose -integrity I can depend; my bread is sweet and nourishing, made from my -own wheat, ground in my own mill, and baked in my own oven; my table -is, in a great measure, furnished from my own ground; my five-year old -mutton, fed on the fragrant herbage of the mountains, that might vie -with venison in juice and flavour; my delicious veal, fattened with -nothing but the mother's milk, that fills the dish with gravy; my -poultry from the barn-door, that never knew confinement, but when they -were at roost; my rabbits panting from the warren; my game fresh from -the moors; my trout and salmon struggling from the stream; oysters from -their native banks; and herrings, with other sea fish, I can eat in -four hours after they are taken--My sallads, roots, and potherbs, my own -garden yields in plenty and perfection; the produce of the natural -soil, prepared by moderate cultivation. The same soil affords all the -different fruits which England may call her own, so that my dessert is -every day fresh-gathered from the tree; my dairy flows with nectarious -tildes of milk and cream, from whence we derive abundance of excellent -butter, curds, and cheese; and the refuse fattens my pigs, that are -destined for hams and bacon--I go to bed betimes, and rise with the -sun--I make shift to pass the hours without weariness or regret, and -am not destitute of amusements within doors, when the weather will not -permit me to go abroad--I read, and chat, and play at billiards, cards -or back-gammon--Without doors, I superintend my farm, and execute -plans of improvements, the effects of which I enjoy with unspeakable -delight--Nor do I take less pleasure in seeing my tenants thrive under -my auspices, and the poor live comfortably by the employment which I -provide--You know I have one or two sensible friends, to whom I can open -all my heart; a blessing which, perhaps, I might have sought in vain -among the crowded scenes of life: there are a few others of more humble -parts, whom I esteem for their integrity; and their conversation I find -inoffensive, though not very entertaining. Finally, I live in the midst -of honest men, and trusty dependents, who, I flatter myself, have a -disinterested attachment to my person. You, yourself, my dear Doctor, -can vouch for the truth of these assertions. - -Now, mark the contrast at London--I am pent up in frowzy lodgings, where -there is not room enough to swing a cat; and I breathe the steams -of endless putrefaction; and these would, undoubtedly, produce a -pestilence, if they were not qualified by the gross acid of sea-coal, -which is itself a pernicious nuisance to lungs of any delicacy of -texture: but even this boasted corrector cannot prevent those languid, -sallow looks, that distinguish the inhabitants of London from those -ruddy swains that lead a country-life--I go to bed after midnight, jaded -and restless from the dissipations of the day--I start every hour from -my sleep, at the horrid noise of the watchmen bawling the hour through -every street, and thundering at every door; a set of useless fellows, -who serve no other purpose but that of disturbing the repose of the -inhabitants; and by five o'clock I start out of bed, in consequence -of the still more dreadful alarm made by the country carts, and noisy -rustics bellowing green pease under my window. If I would drink water, -I must quaff the maukish contents of an open aqueduct, exposed to all -manner of defilement; or swallow that which comes from the river -Thames, impregnated with all the filth of London and Westminster--Human -excrement is the least offensive part of the concrete, which is -composed of all the drugs, minerals, and poisons, used in mechanics and -manufacture, enriched with the putrefying carcasses of beasts and men; -and mixed with the scourings of all the wash-tubs, kennels, and common -sewers, within the bills of mortality. - -This is the agreeable potation, extolled by the Londoners, as the finest -water in the universe--As to the intoxicating potion, sold for wine, it -is a vile, unpalatable, and pernicious sophistication, balderdashed with -cyder, corn-spirit, and the juice of sloes. In an action at law, laid -against a carman for having staved a cask of port, it appeared from the -evidence of the cooper, that there were not above five gallons of real -wine in the whole pipe, which held above a hundred, and even that had -been brewed and adulterated by the merchant at Oporto. The bread I -cat in London, is a deleterious paste, mixed up with chalk, alum, and -bone-ashes; insipid to the taste, and destructive to the constitution. -The good people are not ignorant of this adulteration--but they prefer -it to wholesome bread, because it is whiter than the meal of corn: thus -they sacrifice their taste and their health, and the lives of their -tender infants, to a most absurd gratification of a mis-judging eye; and -the miller, or the baker, is obliged to poison them and their families, -in order to live by his profession. The same monstrous depravity appears -in their veal, which is bleached by repeated bleedings, and other -villainous arts, till there is not a drop of juice left in the body, -and the poor animal is paralytic before it dies; so void of all taste, -nourishment, and savour, that a man might dine as comfortably on a white -fricassee of kid-skin gloves; or chip hats from Leghorn. - -As they have discharged the natural colour from their bread, their -butchers-meat, and poultry, their cutlets, ragouts, fricassees and -sauces of all kinds; so they insist upon having the complexion of their -potherbs mended, even at the hazard of their lives. Perhaps, you will -hardly believe they can be so mad as to boil their greens with brass -halfpence, in order to improve their colour; and yet nothing is more -true--Indeed, without this improvement in the colour, they have no -personal merit. They are produced in an artificial soil, and taste -of nothing but the dunghills, from whence they spring. My cabbage, -cauliflower, and 'sparagus in the country, are as much superior in -flavour to those that are sold in Covent-garden, as my heath-mutton is -to that of St James's-market; which in fact, is neither lamb nor mutton, -but something betwixt the two, gorged in the rank fens of Lincoln and -Essex, pale, coarse, and frowzy--As for the pork, it is an abominable -carnivorous animal, fed with horse-flesh and distillers' grains; and -the poultry is all rotten, in consequence of a fever, occasioned by -the infamous practice of sewing up the gut, that they may be the sooner -fattened in coops, in consequence of this cruel retention. - -Of the fish, I need say nothing in this hot weather, but that it comes -sixty, seventy, fourscore, and a hundred miles by land-carriage; a -circumstance sufficient without any comment, to turn a Dutchman's -stomach, even if his nose was not saluted in every alley with the sweet -flavour of fresh mackarel, selling by retail. This is not the season for -oysters; nevertheless, it may not be amiss to mention, that the right -Colchester are kept in slime-pits, occasionally overflowed by the sea; -and that the green colour, so much admired by the voluptuaries of this -metropolis, is occasioned by the vitriolic scum, which rises on the -surface of the stagnant and stinking water--Our rabbits are bred and -fed in the poulterer's cellar, where they have neither air nor exercise, -consequently they must be firm in flesh, and delicious in flavour; and -there is no game to be had for love or money. - -It must be owned, the Covent-garden affords some good fruit; which, -however, is always engrossed by a few individuals of overgrown fortune, -at an exorbitant price; so that little else than the refuse of the -market falls to the share of the community; and that is distributed -by such filthy hands, as I cannot look at without loathing. It was but -yesterday that I saw a dirty barrow-bunter in the street, cleaning her -dusty fruit with her own spittle; and, who knows but some fine lady -of St James's parish might admit into her delicate mouth those very -cherries, which had been rolled and moistened between the filthy, and, -perhaps, ulcerated chops of a St Giles's huckster--I need not dwell upon -the pallid, contaminated mash, which they call strawberries; soiled and -tossed by greasy paws through twenty baskets crusted with dirt; and then -presented with the worst milk, thickened with the worst flour, into a -bad likeness of cream: but the milk itself should not pass unanalysed, -the produce of faded cabbage-leaves and sour draff, lowered with hot -water, frothed with bruised snails, carried through the streets in open -pails, exposed to foul rinsings, discharged from doors and windows, -spittle, snot, and tobacco-quids from foot passengers, overflowings from -mud carts, spatterings from coach wheels, dirt and trash chucked into it -by roguish boys for the joke's sake, the spewings of infants, who have -slabbered in the tin-measure, which is thrown back in that condition -among the milk, for the benefit of the next customer; and, finally, -the vermin that drops from the rags of the nasty drab that vends this -precious mixture, under the respectable denomination of milk-maid. - -I shall conclude this catalogue of London dainties, with that -table-beer, guiltless of hops and malt, vapid and nauseous; much fitter -to facilitate the operation of a vomit, than to quench thirst and -promote digestion; the tallowy rancid mass, called butter, manufactured -with candle grease and kitchen stuff; and their fresh eggs, imported -from France and Scotland.--Now, all these enormities might be remedied -with a very little attention to the article of police, or civil -regulation; but the wise patriots of London have taken it into their -heads, that all regulation is inconsistent with liberty; and that every -man ought to live in his own way, without restraint--Nay, as there is -not sense enough left among them, to be discomposed by the nuisance I -have mentioned, they may, for aught I care, wallow in the mire of their -own pollution. - -A companionable man will, undoubtedly put up with many inconveniences -for the sake of enjoying agreeable society. A facetious friend of mine -used to say, the wine could not be bad, where the company was agreeable; -a maxim which, however, ought to be taken cum grano salis: but what -is the society of London, that I should be tempted, for its sake, to -mortify my senses, and compound with such uncleanness as my soul abhors? -All the people I see, are too much engrossed by schemes of interest or -ambition, to have any room left for sentiment or friendship. Even in -some of my old acquaintance, those schemes and pursuits have obliterated -all traces of our former connexion--Conversation is reduced to party -disputes, and illiberal altercation--Social commerce, to formal visits -and card-playing--If you pick up a diverting original by accident, it -may be dangerous to amuse yourself with his oddities--He is generally a -tartar at bottom; a sharper, a spy, or a lunatic. Every person you deal -with endeavours to overreach you in the way of business; you are preyed -upon by idle mendicants, who beg in the phrase of borrowing, and live -upon the spoils of the stranger--Your tradesmen are without conscience, -your friends without affection, and your dependents without fidelity.-- - -My letter would swell into a treatise, were I to particularize every -cause of offence that fills up the measure of my aversion to this, and -every other crowded city--Thank Heaven! I am not so far sucked into -the vortex, but that I can disengage myself without any great effort of -philosophy--From this wild uproar of knavery, folly, and impertinence, I -shall fly with double relish to the serenity of retirement, the cordial -effusions of unreserved friendship, the hospitality and protection -of the rural gods; in a word, the jucunda oblivia Vitae, which Horace -himself had not taste enough to enjoy.-- - -I have agreed for a good travelling-coach and four, at a guinea a day, -for three months certain; and next week we intend to begin our -journey to the North, hoping still to be with you by the latter end of -October--I shall continue to write from every stage where we make any -considerable halt, as often as anything occurs, which I think can -afford you the least amusement. In the mean time, I must beg you will -superintend the oeconomy of Barns, with respect to my hay and corn -harvests; assured that my ground produces nothing but what you may -freely call your own--On any other terms I should be ashamed to -subscribe myself - -Your unvariable friend, MATT. BRAMBLE LONDON, June 8. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -In my last, I mentioned my having spent an evening with a society of -authors, who seemed to be jealous and afraid of one another. My uncle -was not at all surprised to hear me say I was disappointed in their -conversation. 'A man may be very entertaining and instructive upon paper -(said he), and exceedingly dull in common discourse. I have observed, -that those who shine most in private company, are but secondary stars -in the constellation of genius--A small stock of ideas is more easily -managed, and sooner displayed, than a great quantity crowded together. -There is very seldom any thing extraordinary in the appearance and -address of a good writer; whereas a dull author generally distinguishes -himself by some oddity or extravagance. For this reason, I fancy, that -an assembly of Grubs must be very diverting.' - -My curiosity being excited by this hint, I consulted my friend Dick Ivy, -who undertook to gratify it the very next day, which was Sunday last. -He carried me to dine with S--, whom you and I have long known by his -writings.--He lives in the skirts of the town, and every Sunday his -house is opened to all unfortunate brothers of the quill, whom he treats -with beef, pudding, and potatoes, port, punch, and Calvert's entire butt -beer. He has fixed upon the first day of the week for the exercise of -his hospitality, because some of his guests could not enjoy it on any -other, for reasons that I need not explain. I was civilly received in -a plain, yet decent habitation, which opened backwards into a very -pleasant garden, kept in excellent order; and, indeed, I saw none of the -outward signs of authorship, either in the house or the landlord, who -is one of those few writers of the age that stand upon their own -foundation, without patronage, and above dependence. If there was -nothing characteristic in the entertainer, the company made ample amends -for his want of singularity. - -At two in the afternoon, I found myself one of ten messmates seated at -table; and, I question, if the whole kingdom could produce such another -assemblage of originals. Among their peculiarities, I do not mention -those of dress, which may be purely accidental. What struck me were -oddities originally produced by affectation, and afterwards confirmed -by habit. One of them wore spectacles at dinner, and another his hat -flapped; though (as Ivy told me) the first was noted for having a -seaman's eye, when a bailiff was in the wind; and the other was never -known to labour under any weakness or defect of vision, except about -five years ago, when he was complimented with a couple of black eyes by -a player, with whom he had quarrelled in his drink. A third wore a laced -stocking, and made use of crutches, because, once in his life, he had -been laid up with a broken leg, though no man could leap over a stick -with more agility. A fourth had contracted such an antipathy to the -country, that he insisted upon sitting with his back towards the window -that looked into the garden, and when a dish of cauliflower was set upon -the table, he snuffed up volatile salts to keep him from fainting; yet -this delicate person was the son of a cottager, born under a hedge, -and had many years run wild among asses on a common. A fifth affected -distraction. When spoke to, he always answered from the purpose -sometimes he suddenly started up, and rapped out a dreadful oath -sometimes he burst out a-laughing--then he folded his arms, and sighed -and then, he hissed like fifty serpents. - -At first I really thought he was mad, and, as he sat near me, began -to be under some apprehensions for my own safety, when our landlord, -perceiving me alarmed, assured me aloud that I had nothing to fear. 'The -gentleman (said he) is trying to act a part for which he is by no means -qualified--if he had all the inclination in the world, it is not in his -power to be mad. His spirits are too flat to be kindled into frenzy.' -''Tis no bad p-p-puff, however (observed a person in a tarnished -laced coat): aff-ffected in-madness w-will p-pass for w-wit w-with -nine-ninet-teen out of t-twenty.'--'And affected stuttering for humour: -replied our landlord, tho', God knows, there is an affinity betwixt -them.' It seems, this wag, after having made some abortive attempts -in plain speaking, had recourse to this defect, by means of which he -frequently extorted the laugh of the company, without the least expence -of genius; and that imperfection, which he had at first counterfeited, -was now become so habitual, that he could not lay it aside. - -A certain winking genius, who wore yellow gloves at dinner, had, on his -first introduction, taken such offence at S--, because he looked -and talked, and ate and drank like any other man, that he spoke -contemptuously of his understanding ever after, and never would repeat -his visit, until he had exhibited the following proof of his caprice. -Wat Wyvil, the poet, having made some unsuccessful advances towards an -intimacy with S--, at last gave him to understand, by a third person, -that he had written a poem in his praise, and a satire against his -person; that if he would admit him to his house, the first should be -immediately sent to press; but that if he persisted in declining his -friendship, he would publish his satire without delay. S-- replied, that -he looked upon Wyvil's panegyrick, as in effect, a species of infamy, -and would resent it accordingly with a good cudgel; but if he published -the satire, he might deserve his compassion, and had nothing to fear -from his revenge. Wyvil having considered the alternative, resolved to -mortify S-- by printing the panegyrick, for which he received a sound -drubbing. Then he swore the peace against the aggressor, who, in order -to avoid a prosecution at law, admitted him to his good graces. It was -the singularity in S--'s conduct, on this occasion, that reconciled him -to the yellow-gloved philosopher, who owned he had some genius, and from -that period cultivated his acquaintance. - -Curious to know upon what subjects the several talents of my -fellow-guests were employed, I applied to my communicative friend Dick -Ivy, who gave me to understand, that most of them were, or had been, -understrappers, or journeymen, to more creditable authors, for whom they -translated, collated, and compiled, in the business of bookmaking; and -that all of them had, at different times, laboured in the service of -our landlord, though they had now set up for themselves in various -departments of literature. Not only their talents, but also their -nations and dialects were so various, that our conversation resembled -the confusion of tongues at Babel. We had the Irish brogue, the -Scotch accent, and foreign idiom, twanged off by the most discordant -vociferation; for, as they all spoke together, no man had any chance -to be heard, unless he could bawl louder than his fellows. It must be -owned, however, there was nothing pedantic in their discourse; they -carefully avoided all learned disquisitions, and endeavoured to be -facetious; nor did their endeavours always miscarry--some droll repartee -passed, and much laughter was excited; and if any individual lost his -temper so far as to transgress the bounds of decorum, he was effectually -checked by the master of the feast, who exerted a sort of paternal -authority over this irritable tribe. - -The most learned philosopher of the whole collection, who had been -expelled the university for atheism, has made great progress in a -refutation of lord Bolingbroke's metaphysical works, which is said to -be equally ingenious, and orthodox; but, in the mean time, he has been -presented to the grand jury as a public nuisance, for having blasphemed -in an ale-house on the Lord's day. The Scotchman gives lectures on the -pronunciation of the English language, which he is now publishing by -subscription. - -The Irishman is a political writer, and goes by the name of my Lord -Potatoe. He wrote a pamphlet in vindication of a minister, hoping his -zeal would be rewarded with some place or pension; but, finding himself -neglected in that quarter, he whispered about, that the pamphlet was -written by the minister himself, and he published an answer to his own -production. In this, he addressed the author under the title of your -lordship with such solemnity, that the public swallowed the deceit, and -bought up the whole impression. The wise politicians of the metropolis -declared they were both masterly performances, and chuckled over the -flimsy reveries of an ignorant garretteer, as the profound speculations -of a veteran statesman, acquainted with all the secrets of the cabinet. -The imposture was detected in the sequel, and our Hibernian pamphleteer -retains no part of his assumed importance, but the bare title of -my lord. and the upper part of the table at the potatoe-ordinary in -Shoelane. - -Opposite to me sat a Piedmontese, who had obliged the public with -a humorous satire, intituled, The Ballance of the English Poets, a -performance which evinced the great modesty and taste of the author, -and, in particular, his intimacy with the elegancies of the English -language. The sage, who laboured under the agrophobia, or horror of -green fields, had just finished a treatise on practical agriculture, -though, in fact, he had never seen corn growing in his life, and was -so ignorant of grain, that our entertainer, in the face of the whole -company, made him own, that a plate of hominy was the best rice pudding -he had ever eat. - -The stutterer had almost finished his travels through Europe and part -of Asia, without ever budging beyond the liberties of the King's Bench, -except in term-time, with a tipstaff for his companion; and as for -little Tim Cropdale, the most facetious member of the whole society, -he had happily wound up the catastrophe of a virgin tragedy, from the -exhibition of which he promised himself a large fund of profit and -reputation. Tim had made shift to live many years by writing novels, -at the rate of five pounds a volume; but that branch of business is now -engrossed by female authors, who publish merely for the propagation of -virtue, with so much ease and spirit, and delicacy, and knowledge of the -human heart, and all in the serene tranquillity of high life, that the -reader is not only inchanted by their genius, but reformed by their -morality. - -After dinner, we adjourned into the garden, where, I observed, Mr S-- -gave a short separate audience to every individual in a small remote -filbert walk, from whence most of them dropt off one after another, -without further ceremony; but they were replaced by fresh recruits of -the same clan, who came to make an afternoon's visit; and, among others, -a spruce bookseller, called Birkin, who rode his own gelding, and made -his appearance in a pair of new jemmy boots, with massy spurs of plate. -It was not without reason, that this midwife of the Muses used exercise -a-horseback, for he was too fat to walk a-foot, and he underwent some -sarcasms from Tim Cropdale, on his unwieldy size and inaptitude for -motion. Birkin, who took umbrage at this poor author's petulance in -presuming to joke upon a man so much richer than himself, told him, he -was not so unwieldy but that he could move the Marshalsea court for a -writ, and even overtake him with it, if he did not very speedily come -and settle accounts with him, respecting the expence of publishing his -last ode to the king of Prussia, of which he had sold but three, and -one of them was to Whitfield the methodist. Tim affected to receive this -intimation with good humour, saying, he expected in a post or two, from -Potsdam, a poem of thanks from his Prussian majesty, who knew very well -how to pay poets in their own coin; but, in the mean time, he proposed, -that Mr Birkin and he should run three times round the garden for a bowl -of punch, to be drank at Ashley's in the evening, and he would run boots -against stockings. The bookseller, who valued himself upon his mettle, -was persuaded to accept the challenge, and he forthwith resigned -his boots to Cropdale, who, when he had put them on, was no bad -representation of captain Pistol in the play. - -Every thing being adjusted, they started together with great -impetuosity, and, in the second round, Birkin had clearly the advantage, -larding the lean earth as he puff'd along. Cropdale had no mind to -contest the victory further; but, in a twinkling, disappeared through -the back-door of the garden, which opened into a private lane, that had -communication with the high road.--The spectators immediately began to -hollow, 'Stole away!' and Birkin set off in pursuit of him with great -eagerness; but he had not advanced twenty yards in the lane, when a -thorn running into his foot, sent him hopping back into the garden, -roaring with pain, and swearing with vexation. When he was delivered -from this annoyance by the Scotchman, who had been bred to surgery, he -looked about him wildly, exclaiming, 'Sure, the fellow won't be such -a rogue as to run clear away with my boots!' Our landlord, having -reconnoitered the shoes he had left, which, indeed, hardly deserved that -name, 'Pray (said he), Mr Birkin, wa'n't your boots made of calf-skin?' -'Calf-skin or cow-skin (replied the other) I'll find a slip of -sheep-skin that will do his business--I lost twenty pounds by his farce -which you persuaded me to buy--I am out of pocket five pounds by -his damn'd ode; and now this pair of boots, bran new, cost me -thirty shillings, as per receipt--But this affair of the boots is -felony--transportation.--I'll have the dog indicted at the Old Bailey--I -will, Mr S-- I will be reveng'd, even though I should lose my debt in -consequence of his conviction.' - -Mr S-- said nothing at present, but accommodated him with a pair of -shoes; then ordered his servant to rub him down, and comfort him with a -glass of rum-punch, which seemed, in a great measure, to cool the rage -of his indignation. 'After all (said our landlord) this is no more -than a humbug in the way of wit, though it deserves a more respectable -epithet, when considered as an effort of invention. Tim, being (I -suppose) out of credit with the cordwainer, fell upon this ingenious -expedient to supply the want of shoes, knowing that Mr Birkin, who -loves humour, would himself relish the joke upon a little recollection. -Cropdale literally lives by his wit, which he has exercised upon all his -friends in their turns. He once borrowed my poney for five or six days -to go to Salisbury, and sold him in Smithfield at his return. This was -a joke of such a serious nature, that, in the first transports of my -passion, I had some thoughts of prosecuting him for horse-stealing; -and even when my resentment had in some measure subsided, as he -industriously avoided me, I vowed, I would take satisfaction on his ribs -with the first opportunity. One day, seeing him at some distance in the -street, coming towards me, I began to prepare my cane for action, and -walked in the shadow of a porter, that he might not perceive me soon -enough to make his escape; but, in the very instant I had lifted up -the instrument of correction, I found Tim Cropdale metamorphosed into a -miserable blind wretch, feeling his way with a long stick from post to -post, and rolling about two bald unlighted orbs instead of eyes. I -was exceedingly shocked at having so narrowly escaped the concern and -disgrace that would have attended such a misapplication of vengeance: -but, next day, Tim prevailed upon a friend of mine to come and solicit -my forgiveness, and offer his note, payable in six weeks, for the price -of the poney. This gentleman gave me to understand, that the blind man -was no other than Cropdale, who having seen me advancing, and -guessing my intent, had immediately converted himself into the object -aforesaid--I was so diverted at the ingenuity of the evasion, that I -agreed to pardon his offence, refusing his note, however, that I might -keep a prosecution for felony hanging over his head, as a security for -his future good behaviour--But Timothy would by no means trust himself -in my hands till the note was accepted--then he made his appearance at -my door as a blind beggar, and imposed in such a manner upon my man, who -had been his old acquaintance and pot-companion, that the fellow threw -the door in his face, and even threatened to give him the bastinado. -Hearing a noise in the hall, I went thither, and immediately -recollecting the figure I had passed in the street, accosted him by his -own name, to the unspeakable astonishment of the footman.' - -Birkin declared he loved a joke as well as another; but asked if any of -the company could tell where Mr Cropdale lodged, that he might send him -a proposal about restitution, before the boots should be made away with. -'I would willingly give him a pair of new shoes (said he), and half a -guinea into the bargain' for the boots, which fitted me like a glove; -and I shan't be able to get the fellows of them 'till the good weather -for riding is over. The stuttering wit declared, that the only secret -which Cropdale ever kept, was the place of his lodgings; but he -believed, that, during the heats of summer, he commonly took his -repose upon a bulk, or indulged himself, in fresco, with one of the -kennel-nymphs, under the portico of St Martin's church. 'Pox on him! -(cried the bookseller) he might as well have taken my whip and spurs. In -that case, he might have been tempted to steal another horse, and then -he would have rid to the devil of course.' - -After coffee, I took my leave of Mr S--, with proper acknowledgments of -his civility, and was extremely well pleased with the entertainment of -the day, though not yet satisfied, with respect to the nature of this -connexion, betwixt a man of character in the literary world, and a -parcel of authorlings, who, in all probability, would never be able -to acquire any degree of reputation by their labours. On this head -I interrogated my conductor, Dick Ivy, who answered me to this -effect--'One would imagine S-- had some view to his own interest, in -giving countenance and assistance to those people, whom he knows to be -bad men, as well as bad writers; but, if he has any such view, he will -find himself disappointed; for if he is so vain as to imagine he can -make them, subservient to his schemes of profit or ambition, they are -cunning enough to make him their property in the mean time. There is not -one of the company you have seen to-day (myself excepted) who does -not owe him particular obligations--One of them he bailed out of a -spunging-house, and afterwards paid the debt--another he translated into -his family, and clothed, when he was turned out half naked from jail in -consequence of an act for the relief of insolvent debtors--a third, who -was reduced to a woollen night cap, and lived upon sheeps trotters, up -three pair of stairs backward in Butcher-row, he took into present pay -and free quarters, and enabled him to appear as a gentleman, without -having the fear of sheriff's officers before his eyes. Those who are in -distress he supplies with money when he has it, and with his credit when -he is out of cash. When they want business, he either finds employment -for them in his own service, or recommends them to booksellers to -execute some project he has formed for their subsistence. They are -always welcome to his table (which though plain, is plentiful) and to -his good offices as far as they will go, and when they see Occasion, -they make use of his name with the most petulant familiarity; nay, they -do not even scruple to arrogate to themselves the merit of some of his -performances, and have been known to sell their own lucubrations as the -produce of his brain. The Scotchman you saw at dinner once personated -him at an alehouse in West-Smithfield and, in the character of S--, had -his head broke by a cow-keeper, for having spoke disrespectfully of the -Christian religion; but he took the law of him in his own person, and -the assailant was fain to give him ten pounds to withdraw his action.' - -I observed, that all this appearance of liberality on the side of Mr S-- -was easily accounted for, on the supposition that they flattered him -in private, and engaged his adversaries in public; and yet I was -astonished, when I recollected that I often had seen this writer -virulently abused in papers, poems, and pamphlets, and not a pen was -drawn in his defence 'But you will be more astonished (said he) when I -assure you, those very guests whom you saw at his table to-day, were -the authors of great part of that abuse; and he himself is well aware -of their particular favours, for they are all eager to detect and betray -one another.' 'But this is doing the devil's work for nothing (cried I). -What should induce them to revile their benefactor without provocation?' -'Envy (answered Dick) is the general incitement; but they are galled by -an additional scourge of provocation. S-- directs a literary journal, -in which their productions are necessarily brought to trial; and though -many of them have been treated with such lenity and favour as they -little deserved, yet the slightest censure, such as, perhaps, could not -be avoided with any pretensions to candour and impartiality, has rankled -in the hearts of those authors to such a degree, that they have taken -immediate vengeance on the critic in anonymous libels, letters, -and lampoons. Indeed, all the writers of the age, good, bad, and -indifferent, from the moment he assumed this office, became his enemies, -either professed or in petto, except those of his friends who knew they -had nothing to fear from his strictures; and he must be a wiser man than -me who can tell what advantage or satisfaction he derives from having -brought such a nest of hornets about his ears.' - -I owned, that was a point which might deserve consideration; but still -I expressed a desire to know his real motives for continuing his -friendship to a set of rascals equally ungrateful and insignificant.--He -said, he did not pretend to assign any reasonable motive; that, if -the truth must be told, the man was, in point of conduct, a most -incorrigible fool; that, though he pretended to have a knack at hitting -off characters, he blundered strangely in the distribution of his -favours, which were generally bestowed on the most undeserving of those -who had recourse to his assistance; that, indeed, this preference was -not so much owing to want of discernment as to want of resolution, for -he had not fortitude enough to resist the importunity even of the most -worthless; and, as he did not know the value of money, there was very -little merit in parting with it so easily; that his pride was gratified -in seeing himself courted by such a number of literary dependents; that, -probably, he delighted in hearing them expose and traduce one another; -and, finally, from their information, he became acquainted with all the -transactions of Grubstreet, which he had some thoughts of compiling for -the entertainment of the public. - -I could not help suspecting, from Dick's discourse, that he had some -particular grudge against S--, upon whose conduct he had put the worst -construction it would bear; and, by dint of cross-examination, I found -he was not at all satisfied with the character which had been given in -the Review of his last performance, though it had been treated civilly -in consequence of the author's application to the critic. By all -accounts, S-- is not without weakness and caprice; but he is certainly -good-humoured and civilized; nor do I find that there is any thing -overbearing, cruel, or implacable in his disposition. - -I have dwelt so long upon authors, that you will perhaps suspect I -intend to enroll myself among the fraternity; but, if I were actually -qualified for the profession, it is at best but a desperate resource -against starving, as it affords no provision for old age and infirmity. -Salmon, at the age of fourscore, is now in a garret, compiling matter, -at a guinea a sheet, for a modern historian, who, in point of age, might -be his grandchild; and Psalmonazar, after having drudged half a century -in the literary mill, in all the simplicity and abstinence of an -Asiatic, subsists upon the charity of a few booksellers, just sufficient -to keep him from the parish, I think Guy, who was himself a bookseller, -ought to have appropriated one wing or ward of his hospital to the use -of decayed authors; though indeed, there is neither hospital, college, -nor workhouse, within the bills of mortality, large enough to contain -the poor of this society, composed, as it is, from the refuse of every -other profession. - -I know not whether you will find any amusement in this account of an odd -race of mortals, whose constitution had, I own, greatly interested the -curiosity of - -Yours, J. MELFORD LONDON, June 10. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -There is something on my spirits, which I should not venture to -communicate by the post, but having the opportunity of Mrs Brentwood's -return, I seize it eagerly, to disburthen my poor heart, which is -oppressed with fear and vexation.--O Letty! what a miserable situation -it is, to be without a friend to whom one can apply for counsel and -consolation in distress! I hinted in my last, that one Mr Barton had -been very particular in his civilities: I can no longer mistake his -meaning--he has formally professed himself my admirer; and, after -a thousand assiduities, perceiving I made but a cold return to his -addresses, he had recourse to the mediation of lady Griskin, who has -acted the part of a very warm advocate in his behalf:--but, my dear -Willis, her ladyship over acts her part--she not only expatiates on the -ample fortune, the great connexions, and the unblemished character of -Mr Barton, but she takes the trouble to catechise me; and, two days ago, -peremptorily told me, that a girl of my age could not possibly resist so -many considerations, if her heart was not pre-engaged. - -This insinuation threw me into such a flutter, that she could not but -observe my disorder; and, presuming upon the discovery, insisted upon -my making her the confidante of my passion. But, although I had not such -command of myself as to conceal the emotion of my heart, I am not such a -child as to disclose its secret to a person who would certainly use -them to its prejudice. I told her, it was no wonder if I was out of -countenance at her introducing a subject of conversation so unsuitable -to my years and inexperience; that I believed Mr Barton was a very -worthy gentleman, and I was much obliged to him for his good opinion; -but the affections were involuntary, and mine, in particular, had as -yet made no concessions in his favour. She shook her head with an air of -distrust that made me tremble; and observed, that if my affections were -free, they would submit to the decision of prudence, especially when -enforced by the authority of those who had a right to direct my conduct. -This remark implied a design to interest my uncle or my aunt, perhaps my -brother, in behalf of Mr Barton's passion; and I am sadly afraid that -my aunt is already gained over. Yesterday in the forenoon, he had been -walking with us in the Park, and stopping in our return at a toy-shop, -he presented her with a very fine snuff-box, and me with a gold etuis, -which I resolutely refused, till she commanded me to accept it on pain -of her displeasure: nevertheless, being still unsatisfied with respect -to the propriety of receiving this toy, I signified my doubts to my -brother, who said he would consult my uncle on the subject, and seemed -to think Mr Barton had been rather premature in his presents. - -What will be the result of this consultation, Heaven knows; but I am -afraid it will produce an explanation with Mr Barton, who will, no -doubt, avow his passion, and solicit their consent to a connexion which -my soul abhors; for, my dearest Letty, it is not in my power to love Mr -Barton, even if my heart was untouched by any other tenderness. Not that -there is any thing disagreeable about his person, but there is a total -want of that nameless charm which captivates and controuls the inchanted -spirit at least, he appears to me to have this defect; but if he had -all the engaging qualifications which a man can possess, they would be -excited in vain against that constancy, which, I flatter myself, is the -characteristic of my nature. No, my dear Willis, I may be involved in -fresh troubles, and I believe I shall, from the importunities of this -gentleman and the violence of my relations; but my heart is incapable of -change. - -You know I put no faith in dreams; and yet I have been much disturbed -by one that visited me last night.--I thought I was in a church, where -a certain person, whom you know, was on the point of being married to my -aunt; that the clergyman was Mr Barton, and that poor forlorn I, stood -weeping in a corner, half naked, and without shoes or stockings.--Now, -I know there is nothing so childish as to be moved by those vain -illusions; but, nevertheless, in spite of all my reason, this hath -made a strong impression upon my mind, which begins to be very gloomy. -Indeed, I have another more substantial cause of affliction--I have some -religious scruples, my dear friend, which lie heavy on my conscience.--I -was persuaded to go to the Tabernacle, where I heard a discourse that -affected me deeply.--I have prayed fervently to be enlightened, but -as yet I am not sensible of these inward motions, those operations of -grace, which are the signs of a regenerated spirit; and therefore I -begin to be in terrible apprehensions about the state of my poor soul. -Some of our family have had very uncommon accessions, particularly -my aunt and Mrs Jenkins, who sometimes speak as if they were really -inspired; so that I am not like to want for either exhortation or -example, to purify my thoughts, and recall them from the vanities of -this world, which, indeed, I would willingly resign, if it was in my -power; but to make this sacrifice, I must be enabled by such assistance -from above as hath not yet been indulged to - -Your unfortunate friend, LYDIA MELFORD June 10. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -The moment I received your letter, I began to execute your -commission--With the assistance of mine host at the Bull and Gate, I -discovered the place to which your fugitive valet had retreated, and -taxed him with his dishonesty--The fellow was in manifest confusion at -sight of me, but he denied the charge with great confidence, till I told -him, that if he would give up the watch, which was a family piece, he -might keep the money and the clothes, and go to the devil his own way, -at his leisure; but if he rejected this proposal, I would deliver him -forthwith to the constable, whom I had provided for that purpose, and -he would carry him before the justice without further delay. After -some hesitation, he desired to speak with me in the next room, where he -produced the watch, with all its appendages, and I have delivered it to -our landlord, to be sent you by the first safe conveyance. - -So much for business. - -I shall grow vain, upon your saying you find entertainment in my -letters; barren, as they certainly are, of incident and importance, -because your amusement must arise, not from the matter, but from the -manner, which you know is all my own--Animated, therefore, by the -approbation of a person, whose nice taste and consummate judgment I can -no longer doubt, I will chearfully proceed with our memoirs--As it is -determined we shall set out next week for Yorkshire, I went to-day in -the forenoon with my uncle to see a carriage, belonging to a coachmaker -in our neighbourhood--Turning down a narrow lane, behind Longacre, we -perceived a crowd of people standing at a door; which, it seems, opened -into a kind of a methodist meeting, and were informed, that a footman -was then holding forth to the congregation within. Curious to see this -phoenomenon, we squeezed into the place with much difficulty; and who -should this preacher be, but the identical Humphry Clinker. He had -finished his sermon, and given out a psalm, the first stave of which he -sung with peculiar graces--But if we were astonished to see Clinker in -the pulpit, we were altogether confounded at finding all the females -of our family among the audience--There was lady Griskin, Mrs Tabitha -Bramble, Mrs Winifred Jenkins, my sister Liddy, and Mr Barton, and all -of them joined in the psalmody, with strong marks of devotion. - -I could hardly keep my gravity on this ludicrous occasion; but old -Square-toes was differently affected--The first thing that struck him, -was the presumption of his lacquey, whom he commanded to come down, with -such an air of authority as Humphry did not think proper to disregard. -He descended immediately, and all the people were in commotion. Barton -looked exceedingly sheepish, lady Griskin flirted her fan, Mrs Tabby -groaned in spirit, Liddy changed countenance, and Mrs Jenkins sobbed as -if her heart was breaking--My uncle, with a sneer, asked pardon of the -ladies, for having interrupted their devotion, saying, he had particular -business with the preacher, whom he ordered to call a hackney-coach. -This being immediately brought up to the end of the lane, he handed -Liddy into it, and my aunt and I following him, we drove home, without -taking any further notice of the rest of the company, who still remained -in silent astonishment. - -Mr Bramble, perceiving Liddy in great trepidation, assumed a milder -aspect, bidding her be under no concern, for he was not at all -displeased at any thing she had done--'I have no objection (said he) -to your being religiously inclined; but I don't think my servant is a -proper ghostly director for a devotee of your sex and character--if, -in fact (as I rather believe) your aunt is not the sole conductress of, -this machine'--Mrs Tabitha made no answer, but threw up the whites of -her eyes, as if in the act of ejaculation--Poor Liddy, said, she had no -right to the title of a devotee; that she thought there was no harm in -hearing a pious discourse, even if it came from a footman, especially -as her aunt was present; but that if she had erred from ignorance, she -hoped he would excuse it, as she could not bear the thoughts of living -under his displeasure. The old gentleman, pressing her hand with a -tender smile, said she was a good girl, and that he did not believe -her capable of doing any thing that could give him the least umbrage or -disgust. - -When we arrived at our lodgings, he commanded Mr Clinker to attend him -up stairs, and spoke to him in these words--'Since you are called upon -by the spirit to preach and to teach, it is high time to lay aside the -livery of an earthly master; and for my part, I am unworthy to have an -apostle in my service'--'I hope (said Humphry) I have not failed in my -duty to your honour--I should be a vile wretch if I did, considering the -misery from which your charity and compassion relieved me--but having -an inward admonition of the spirit--' 'An admonition of the devil (cried -the squire, in a passion) What admonition, you blockhead? What right has -such a fellow as you to set up for a reformer?' 'Begging your honour's -pardon (replied Clinker) may not the new light of God's grace shine -upon the poor and the ignorant in their humility, as well as upon the -wealthy, and the philosopher in all his pride of human learning?' 'What -you imagine to be the new light of grace (said his master) I take to be -a deceitful vapour, glimmering through a crack in your upper story--In -a word, Mr Clinker, I will have no light in my family but what pays the -king's taxes, unless it be the light of reason, which you don't pretend -to follow.' - -'Ah, sir! (cried Humphry) the light of reason, is no more in comparison -to the light I mean, than a farthing candle to the sun at noon'--'Very -true (said uncle), the one will serve to shew you your way, and the -other to dazzle and confound your weak brain. Heark ye, Clinker, you -are either an hypocritical knave, or a wrong-headed enthusiast; and in -either case, unfit for my service. If you are a quack in sanctity and -devotion, you will find it an easy matter to impose upon silly women, -and others of crazed understanding, who will contribute lavishly for -your support. If you are really seduced by the reveries of a disturbed -imagination, the sooner you lose your senses entirely, the better for -yourself and the community. In that case, some charitable person might -provide you with a dark room and clean straw in Bedlam, where it would -not be in your power to infect others with your fanaticism; whereas, -if you have just reflection enough left to maintain the character of a -chosen vessel in the meetings of the godly, you and your hearers will be -misled by a Will-i'the-wisp, from one error into another, till you are -plunged into religious frenzy; and then, perhaps, you will hang yourself -in despair' 'Which the Lord of his infinite mercy forbid! (exclaimed the -affrighted Clinker) It is very possible I may be under the temptation of -the devil, who wants to wreck me on the rocks of spiritual pride--Your -honour says, I am either a knave or a madman; now, as I'll assure your -honour, I am no knave, it follows that I must be mad; therefore, I -beseech your honour, upon my knees, to take my case into consideration, -that means may be used for my recovery' - -The 'squire could not help smiling at the poor fellow's simplicity, and -promised to take care of him, provided he would mind the business of his -place, without running after the new light of methodism: but Mrs Tabitha -took offence at his humility, which she interpreted into poorness -of spirit and worldly mindedness. She upbraided him with the want of -courage to suffer for conscience sake--She observed, that if he should -lose his place for bearing testimony to the truth, Providence would not -fail to find him another, perhaps more advantageous; and, declaring that -it could not be very agreeable to live in a family where an inquisition -was established, retired to another room in great agitation. - -My uncle followed her with a significant look, then, turning to the -preacher, 'You hear what my sister says--If you cannot live with me upon -such terms as I have prescribed, the vineyard of methodism lies before -you, and she seems very well disposed to reward your labour'--'I would -not willingly give offence to any soul upon earth (answered Humphry); -her ladyship has been very good to me, ever since we came to London; and -surely she has a heart turned for religious exercises; and both she and -lady Griskin sing psalms and hymns like two cherubims--But, at the same -time, I'm bound to love and obey your honour--It becometh not such a -poor ignorant fellow as me, to hold dispute with gentlemen of rank and -learning--As for the matter of knowledge, I am no more than a beast in -comparison of your honour; therefore I submit; and, with God's grace, I -will follow you to the world's end, if you don't think me too far gone -to be out of confinement'. - -His master promised to keep him for some time longer on trial; then -desired to know in what manner lady Griskin and Mr Barton came to join -their religious society, he told him, that her ladyship was the person -who first carried my aunt and sister to the Tabernacle, whither he -attended them, and had his devotion kindled by Mr W--'s preaching: that -he was confirmed in this new way, by the preacher's sermons, which he -had bought and studied with great attention: that his discourse and -prayers had brought over Mrs Jenkins and the house-maid to the same -way of thinking; but as for Mr Barton, he had never seen him at service -before this day, when he came in company with lady Griskin. Humphry, -moreover, owned that he had been encouraged to mount the rostrum, by -the example and success of a weaver, who was much followed as a powerful -minister: that on his first trial he found himself under such strong -impulsions, as made him believe he was certainly moved by the spirit; -and that he had assisted in lady Griskin's, and several private houses, -at exercises of devotion. - -Mr Bramble was no sooner informed, that her ladyship had acted as the -primum mobile of this confederacy, than he concluded she had only made -use of Clinker as a tool, subservient to the execution of some design, -to the true secret of which he was an utter stranger--He observed, that -her ladyship's brain was a perfect mill for projects; and that she and -Tabby had certainly engaged in some secret treaty, the nature of which -he could not comprehend. I told him I thought it was no difficult matter -to perceive the drift of Mrs Tabitha, which was to ensnare the heart -of Barton, and that in all likelihood my lady Griskin acted as her -auxiliary: that this supposition would account for their endeavours to -convert him to methodism; an event which would occasion a connexion of -souls that might be easily improved into a matrimonial union. - -My uncle seemed to be much diverted by the thoughts of this Scheme's -succeeding; but I gave him to understand, that Barton was pre-engaged: -that he had the day before made a present of an etuis to Liddy, -which her aunt had obliged her to receive, with a view, no doubt, to -countenance her own accepting of a snuff-box at the same time; that my -sister having made me acquainted with this incident, I had desired an -explanation of Mr Barton, who declared his intentions were honourable, -and expressed his hope that I would have no objections to his alliance; -that I had thanked him for the honour he intended our family; but told -him, it would be necessary to consult her uncle and aunt, who were -her guardians; and their approbation being obtained, I could have no -objection to his proposal; though I was persuaded that no violence would -be offered to my sister's inclinations, in a transaction that so nearly -interested the happiness of her future life: that he had assured me, he -should never think of availing himself of a guardian's authority, unless -he could render his addresses agreeable to the young lady herself; and -that he would immediately demand permission of Mr and Mrs Bramble, to -make Liddy a tender of his hand and fortune. - -The squire was not insensible to the advantages of such a match, and -declared he would promote it with all his influence; but when I took -notice that there seemed to be an aversion on the side of Liddy, he said -he would sound her on the subject; and if her reluctance was such as -would not be easily overcome, he would civilly decline the proposal of -Mr Barton; for he thought that, in the choice of a husband a young woman -ought not to sacrifice the feelings of her heart for any consideration -upon earth--'Liddy is not so desperate (said he) as to worship fortune -at such an expence.' - -I take it for granted, this whole affair will end in smoke; though there -seems to be a storm brewing in the quarter of Mrs Tabby, who sat with -all the sullen dignity of silence at dinner, seemingly pregnant with -complaint and expostulation. As she had certainly marked Barton for her -own prey, she cannot possibly favour his suit to Liddy; and therefore -I expect something extraordinary will attend his declaring himself my -sister's admirer. This declaration will certainly be made in form, as -soon as the lover can pick up resolution enough to stand the brunt -of Mrs Tabby's disappointment; for he is, without doubt, aware of her -designs upon his person--The particulars of the denouement you shall -know in due season: mean while I am - -Always yours, J. MELFORD LONDON, June 10. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -The deceitful calm was of short duration. I am plunged again in a sea of -vexation, and the complaints in my stomach and bowels are returned; so -that I suppose I shall be disabled from prosecuting the excursion I had -planned--What the devil had I to do, to come a plague hunting with a -leash of females in my train? Yesterday my precious sister (who, by -the bye, has been for some time a professed methodist) came into my -apartment, attended by Mr Barton, and desired an audience with a very -stately air--'Brother (said she), this gentleman has something to -propose, which I flatter myself will be the more acceptable, as it will -rid you of a troublesome companion.' Then Mr Barton proceeded to this -effect--'I am, indeed, extremely ambitious of being allied to your -family, Mr Bramble, and I hope you will see no cause to interpose your -authority.' 'As for authority (said Tabby, interrupting him with some -warmth), I know of none that he has a right to use on this occasion--If -I pay him the compliment of making him acquainted with the step I intend -to take, it is all he can expect in reason--This is as much as I -believe he would do by me, if he intended to change his own situation in -life--In a word, brother, I am so sensible of Mr Barton's extra ordinary -merit, that I have been prevailed upon to alter my resolution of living -a single life, and to put my happiness in his hands, by vesting him with -a legal title to my person and fortune, such as they are. The business -at present, is to have the writings drawn; and I shall be obliged to -you, if you will recommend a lawyer to me for that purpose' - -You may guess what an effect this overture had upon me; who, from the -information of my nephew, expected that Barton was to make a formal -declaration of his passion for Liddy; I could not help gazing in silent -astonishment, alternately at Tabby, and her supposed admirer, who last -hung his head in the most aukward confusion for a few minutes, and then -retired on pretence of being suddenly seized with a vertigo--Mrs Tabitha -affected much concern, and would have had him make use of a bed in the -house; but he insisted upon going home, that he might have recourse -of some drops, which he kept for such emergencies, and his innamorata -acquiesced--In the mean time I was exceedingly puzzled at this adventure -(though I suspected the truth) and did not know in what manner to demean -myself towards Mrs Tabitha, when Jery came in and told me, he had just -seen Mr Barton alight from his chariot at lady Griskin's door--This -incident seemed to threaten a visit from her ladyship, with which we -were honoured accordingly, in less than half an hour--'I find (said she) -there has been a match of cross purposes among you good folks; and -I'm come to set you to rights'--So saying, she presented me with the -following billet - -'DEAR SIR, - -I no sooner recollected myself from the extreme confusion I was thrown -into, by that unlucky mistake of your sister, than I thought it my duty -to assure you, that my devoirs to Mrs Bramble never exceeded the bounds -of ordinary civility; and that my heart is unalterably fixed upon Miss -Liddy Melford, as I had the honour to declare to her brother, when he -questioned me upon that subject--Lady Griskin has been so good as to -charge herself, not only with the delivery of this note, but also with -the task of undeceiving Mrs Bramble, for whom I have the most profound -respect and veneration, though my affection being otherwise engaged is -no longer in the power of - -Sir, Your very humble servant, RALPH BARTON.' - -Having cast my eyes over this billet, I told her ladyship, that I would -no longer retard the friendly office she had undertaken: and I and -Jery forthwith retired into another room. There we soon perceived the -conversation grow very warm betwixt the two ladies; and, at length, -could distinctly hear certain terms of altercation, which we could no -longer delay interrupting, with any regard to decorum. When we entered -the scene of contention, we found Liddy had joined the disputants, and -stood trembling betwixt them, as if she had been afraid they would have -proceeded to something more practical than words. Lady Griskin's -face was like the full moon in a storm of wind, glaring, fiery, -and portentous; while Tabby looked grim and ghastly, with an aspect -breathing discord and dismay.--Our appearance put a stop to their mutual -revilings; but her ladyship turning to me, 'Cousin (said she) I can't -help saying I have met with a very ungrateful return from this lady, for -the pains I have taken to serve her family'--'My family is much obliged -to your ladyship (cried Tabby, with a kind of hysterical giggle); but -we have no right to the good offices of such an honourable go-between.' -'But, for all that, good Mrs Tabitha Bramble (resumed the other), I -shall be content with the reflection, That virtue is its own reward; -and it shall not be my fault, if you continue to make yourself -ridiculous--Mr Bramble, who has no little interest of his own to serve, -will, no doubt, contribute all in his power to promote a match -betwixt Mr Barton and his niece, which will be equally honourable and -advantageous; and, I dare say, Miss Liddy herself will have no objection -to a measure so well calculated to make her happy in life'--'I beg your -ladyship's pardon (exclaimed Liddy, with great vivacity) I have nothing -but misery to expect from such a measure; and I hope my guardians -will have too much compassion, to barter my peace of mind for any -consideration of interest or fortune'--'Upon my word, Miss Liddy! (said -she) you have profited by the example of your good aunt--I comprehend -your meaning, and will explain it when I have a proper opportunity--In -the mean time, I shall take my leave--Madam, your most obedient, and -devoted humble servant,' said she, advancing close up to my sister, and -curtsying so low, that I thought she intended to squat herself down on -the floor--This salutation Tabby returned with equal solemnity; and -the expression of the two faces, while they continued in this attitude, -would be no bad subject for a pencil like that of the incomparable -Hogarth, if any such should ever appear again, in these times of -dullness and degeneracy. - -Jery accompanied her ladyship to her house, that he might have an -opportunity to restore the etuis to Barton, and advise him to give -up his suit, which was so disagreeable to his sister, against whom, -however, he returned much irritated--Lady Griskin had assured him that -Liddy's heart was pre-occupied; and immediately the idea of Wilson -recurring to his imagination, his family-pride took the alarm. He -denounced vengeance against the adventurer, and was disposed to be -very peremptory with his sister; but I desired he would suppress his -resentment, until I should have talked with her in private. - -The poor girl, when I earnestly pressed her on this head, owned with -a flood of tears, that Wilson had actually come to the Hot Well at -Bristol, and even introduced himself into our lodgings as a Jew pedlar; -but that nothing had passed betwixt them, further than her begging him -to withdraw immediately, if he had any regard for her peace of mind: -that he had disappeared accordingly, after having attempted to prevail -upon my sister's maid, to deliver a letter; which, however, she refused -to receive, though she had consented to carry a message, importing that -he was a gentleman of a good family; and that, in a very little time, he -would avow his passion in that character--She confessed, that although -he had not kept his word in this particular, he was not yet altogether -indifferent to her affection; but solemnly promised, she would never -carry on any correspondence with him, or any other admirer, for the -future, without the privity and approbation of her brother and me. - -By this declaration, she made her own peace with Jery; but the -hot-headed boy is more than ever incensed against Wilson, whom he now -considers as an impostor, that harbours some infamous design upon the -honour of his family--As for Barton he was not a little mortified to -find his present returned, and his addresses so unfavourably received; -but he is not a man to be deeply affected by such disappointments; and -I know not whether he is not as well pleased with being discarded -by Liddy, as he would have been with a permission to prosecute his -pretensions, at the risque of being every day exposed to the revenge or -machinations of Tabby, who is not to be slighted with impunity.--I -had not much time to moralize on these occurrences; for the house -was visited by a constable and his gang, with a warrant from Justice -Buzzard, to search the box of Humphry Clinker, my footman,--who was just -apprehended as a highwayman. This incident threw the whole family into -confusion. My sister scolded the constable for presuming to enter the -lodgings of a gentleman on such an errand, without having first asked, -and obtained permission; her maid was frightened into fits, and Liddy -shed tears of compassion for the unfortunate Clinker, in whose box, -however, nothing was found to confirm the suspicion of robbery. - -For my own part, I made no doubt of the fellow's being mistaken for some -other person, and I went directly to the justice, in order to procure -his discharge; but there I found the matter much more serious than -I expected--Poor Clinker stood trembling at the bar, surrounded by -thief-takers; and at a little distance, a thick, squat fellow, a -postilion, his accuser, who had seized him on the street, and swore -positively to his person, that the said Clinker had, on the 15th day of -March last, on Blackheath, robbed a gentleman in a post-chaise, which -he (the postilion) drove--This deposition was sufficient to justify his -commitment; and he was sent accordingly to Clerkenwell prison, whither -Jery accompanied him in the coach, in order to recommend him properly to -the keeper, that he may want for no convenience which the place affords. - -The spectators, who assembled to see this highwayman, were sagacious -enough to discern something very villainous in his aspect; which -(begging their pardon) is the very picture of simplicity; and the -justice himself put a very unfavourable construction upon some of his -answers, which, he said, savoured of the ambiguity and equivocation of -an old offender; but, in my opinion, it would have been more just and -humane to impute them to the confusion into which we may suppose a poor -country lad to be thrown on such an occasion. I am still persuaded he is -innocent; and, in this persuasion, I can do no less than use my utmost -endeavours that he may not be oppressed--I shall, to-morrow, send my -nephew to wait on the gentleman who was robbed, and beg; he will have -the humanity to go and see the prisoner; that, in case he should find -him quite different from the person of the highwayman, he may bear -testimony in his behalf--Howsoever it may fare with Clinker, this cursed -affair will be to me productive of intolerable chagrin--I have already -caught a dreadful cold, by rushing into the open air from the justice's -parlour, where I had been stewing in the crowd; and though I should not -be laid up with the gout, as I believe I shall, I must stay at London -for some weeks, till this poor devil comes to his trial at Rochester; so -that, in all probability, my northern expedition is blown up. - -If you can find any thing in your philosophical budget, to console me -in the midst of these distresses and apprehensions, pray let it be -communicated to - -Your unfortunate friend, MATT. BRAMBLE LONDON, June 12. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -The farce is finished, and another piece of a graver cast brought upon -the stage.--Our aunt made a desperate attack upon Barton, who had no -other way of saving himself, but by leaving her in possession of -the field, and avowing his pretensions to Liddy, by whom he has been -rejected in his turn.--Lady Griskin acted as his advocate and agent on -this occasion, with such zeal as embroiled her with Mrs Tabitha, and a -high scene of altercation passed betwixt these two religionists, which -might have come to action, had not my uncle interposed. They are however -reconciled, in consequence of an event which hath involved us all in -trouble and disquiet. You must know, the poor preacher, Humphry Clinker, -is now exercising his ministry among the felons in Clerkenwell prison--A -postilion having sworn a robbery against him, no bail could be taken, -and he was committed to jail, notwithstanding all the remonstrances and -interest my uncle could make in his behalf. - -All things considered, the poor fellow cannot possibly be guilty, -and yet, I believe, he runs some risque of being hanged. Upon his -examination, he answered with such hesitation and reserve as persuaded -most of the people, who crowded the place, that he was really a knave, -and the justice's remarks confirmed their opinion. Exclusive of my uncle -and myself, there was only one person who seemed inclined to favour -the culprit.--He was a young man, well dressed, and, from the manner in -which he cross-examined the evidence, we took it for granted, that -he was a student in one of the inns of court.--He freely checked the -justice for some uncharitable inferences he made to the prejudice of -the prisoner, and even ventured to dispute with his worship on certain -points of law. - -My uncle, provoked at the unconnected and dubious answers of Clinker, -who seemed in danger of falling a sacrifice to his own simplicity, -exclaimed, 'In the name of God, if you are innocent, say so.' 'No (cried -he) God forbid that I should call myself innocent, while my conscience -is burthened with sin.' 'What then, you did commit this robbery?' -resumed his master. 'No, sure (said he) blessed be the Lord, I'm free of -that guilt.' - -Here the justice interposed, observing, that the man seemed inclined to -make a discovery by turning king's evidence, and desired the clerk to -take his confession; upon which Humphry declared, that he looked upon -confession to be a popish fraud, invented by the whore of Babylon. The -Templar affirmed, that the poor fellow was non compos; and exhorted the -justice to discharge him as a lunatic.--'You know very well (added he) -that the robbery in question was not committed by the prisoner.' - -The thief-takers grinned at one another; and Mr Justice Buzzard -replied with great emotion, 'Mr Martin, I desire you will mind your -own business; I shall convince you one of these days that I understand -mine.' In short, there was no remedy; the mittimus was made out, -and poor Clinker sent to prison in a hackney-coach, guarded by the -constable, and accompanied by your humble servant. By the way, I was not -a little surprised to hear this retainer to justice bid the prisoner to -keep up his spirits, for that he did not at all doubt but that he would -get off for a few weeks confinement--He said, his worship knew very well -that Clinker was innocent of the fact, and that the real highwayman who -robbed the chaise, was no other than that very individual Mr Martin, who -had pleaded so strenuously for honest Humphry. - -Confounded at this information, I asked, 'Why then is he suffered to -go about at his liberty, and this poor innocent fellow treated as a -malefactor?' 'We have exact intelligence of all Mr Martin's transactions -(said he); but as yet there is not evidence sufficient for his -conviction; and as for this young man, the justice could do no less than -commit him, as the postilion swore point-blank to his identity.' 'So -if this rascally postilion should persist in the falsity to which he is -sworn (said I), this innocent lad may be brought to the gallows.' - -The constable observed, that he would have time enough to prepare -for his trial, and might prove an alibi; or, perhaps, Martin might be -apprehended and convicted for another fact; in which case, he might be -prevailed upon to take this affair upon himself; or, finally, if these -chances should fail, and the evidence stand good against Clinker, -the jury might recommend him to mercy, in consideration of his youth, -especially if this should appear to be the first fact of which he had -been guilty. - -Humphry owned he could not pretend to recollect where he had been on the -day when the robbery was committed, much less prove a circumstance of -that kind so far back as six months, though he knew he had been sick -of the fever and ague, which, however, did not prevent him from going -about--then, turning up his eyes, he ejaculated, 'The Lord's will be -done! if it be my fate to suffer, I hope I shall not disgrace the faith -of which, though unworthy, I make profession.' - -When I expressed my surprize that the accuser should persist in charging -Clinker, without taking the least notice of the real robber who -stood before him, and to whom, indeed, Humphry bore not the smallest -resemblance; the constable (who was himself a thief-taker) gave me to -understand, that Mr Martin was the best qualified for business of all -the gentlemen on the road he had ever known; that he had always acted on -his own bottom, without partner or correspondent, and never went to work -but when he was cool and sober; that his courage and presence of mind -never failed him; that his address was genteel, and his behaviour void -of all cruelty and insolence; that he never encumbered himself with -watches or trinkets, nor even with bank-notes, but always dealt for -ready money, and that in the current coin of the kingdom; and that he -could disguise himself and his horse in such a manner, that, after -the action, it was impossible to recognize either the one or the -other--'This great man (said he) has reigned paramount in all the roads -within fifty miles of London above fifteen months, and has done more -business in that time, than all the rest of the profession put together; -for those who pass through his hands are so delicately dealt with, that -they have no desire to give him the least disturbance; but for all that, -his race is almost run--he is now fluttering about justice, like a moth -about a candle--there are so many lime-twigs laid in his way, that I'll -bet a cool hundred, he swings before Christmas.' - -Shall I own to you, that this portrait, drawn by a ruffian, heightened -by what I myself had observed in his deportment, has interested me -warmly in the fate of poor Martin, whom nature seems to have intended -for a useful and honourable member of that community upon which he now -preys for subsistence? It seems, he lived some time as a clerk to a -timber-merchant, whose daughter Martin having privately married, was -discarded, and his wife turned out of doors. She did not long survive -her marriage; and Martin, turning fortune-hunter, could not supply his -occasions any other way, than by taking to the road, in which he -has travelled hitherto with uncommon success.--He pays his respects -regularly to Mr Justice Buzzard, the thief-catcher-general of this -metropolis, and sometimes they smoke a pipe together very lovingly, -when the conversation generally turns upon the nature of evidence.--The -justice has given him fair warning to take care of himself, and he has -received his caution in good part.--Hitherto he has baffled all the -vigilance, art, and activity of Buzzard and his emissaries, with -such conduct as would have done honour to the genius of a Caesar or -a Turenne; but he has one weakness, which has proved fatal to all the -heroes of his tribe, namely, an indiscreet devotion to the fair sex, and -in all probability, he will be attacked on this defenceless quarter. - -Be that as it may, I saw the body of poor Clinker consigned to the -gaoler of Clerkenwell, to whose indulgence I recommended him so -effectually, that he received him in the most hospitable manner, though -there was a necessity for equipping him with a suit of irons, in which -he made a very rueful appearance. The poor creature seemed as much -affected by my uncle's kindness, as by his own misfortune. When I -assured him, that nothing should be left undone for procuring his -enlargement, and making his confinement easy in the mean time, he fell -down on his knees, and kissing my hand, which he bathed with his tears, -'0 'squire! (cried he, sobbing) what shall I say?--I can't--no, I can't -speak--my poor heart is bursting with gratitude to you and my dear--dear -generous--noble benefactor.' - -I protest, the scene became so pathetic, that I was fain to force myself -away, and returned to my uncle, who sent me in the afternoon with -a compliment to one Mr Mead, the person who had been robbed on -Black-heath. As I did not find him at home, I left a message, in -consequence of which he called at our lodgings this morning, and very -humanely agreed to visit the prisoner. By this time, lady Griskin had -come to make her formal compliments of condolance to Mrs Tabitha, on -this domestic calamity; and that prudent maiden, whose passion was -now cooled, thought proper to receive her ladyship so civilly, that a -reconciliation immediately ensued. These two ladies resolved to comfort -the poor prisoner in their own persons, and Mr Mead and I 'squired -them to Clerkenwell, my uncle being detained at home by some slight -complaints in his stomach and bowels. - -The turnkey, who received us at Clerkenwell, looked remarkably sullen; -and when we enquired for Clinker, 'I don't care, if the devil had him -(said he); here has been nothing but canting and praying since the -fellow entered the place.--Rabbit him! the tap will be ruined--we han't -sold a cask of beer, nor a dozen of wine, since he paid his garnish--the -gentlemen get drunk with nothing but your damned religion.--For my part, -I believe as how your man deals with the devil.--Two or three as bold -hearts as ever took the air upon Hounslow have been blubbering all -night; and if the fellow an't speedily removed by Habeas Corpus, or -otherwise, I'll be damn'd if there's a grain of true spirit left within -these walls we shan't have a soul to do credit to the place, or make his -exit like a true born Englishman--damn my eyes! there will be nothing -but snivelling in the cart--we shall all die like so many psalm-singing -weavers.' - -In short, we found that Humphry was, at that very instant, haranguing -the felons in the chapel; and that the gaoler's wife and daughter, -together with my aunt's woman, Win Jenkins, and our house-maid, were -among the audience, which we immediately joined. I never saw any thing -so strongly picturesque as this congregation of felons clanking their -chains, in the midst of whom stood orator Clinker, expatiating in a -transport of fervor, on the torments of hell, denounced in scripture -against evil-doers, comprehending murderers, robbers, thieves, and -whore mongers. The variety of attention exhibited in the faces of those -ragamuffins, formed a groupe that would not have disgraced the pencil of -a Raphael. In one, it denoted admiration; in another, doubt; in a -third, disdain; in a fourth, contempt; in a fifth, terror; in a sixth, -derision; and in a seventh, indignation.--As for Mrs Winifred Jenkins, -she was in tears, overwhelmed with sorrow; but whether for her own sins, -or the misfortune of Clinker, I cannot pretend to say. The other females -seemed to listen with a mixture of wonder and devotion. The gaoler's -wife declared he was a saint in trouble, saying, she wished from her -heart there was such another good soul, like him, in every gaol in -England. - -Mr Mead, having earnestly surveyed the preacher, declared his appearance -was so different from that of the person who robbed him on Black-heath, -that he could freely make oath he was not the man: but Humphry himself -was by this time pretty well rid of all apprehensions of being hanged; -for he had been the night before solemnly tried and acquitted by his -fellow prisoners, some of whom he had already converted to methodism. -He now made proper acknowledgments for the honour of our visit, and was -permitted to kiss the hands of the ladies, who assured him, he might -depend upon their friendship and protection. Lady Griskin, in her -great zeal, exhorted his fellow-prisoners to profit by the precious -opportunity of having such a saint in bonds among them, and turn over a -new leaf for the benefit of their poor souls; and, that her admonition -might have the greater effect, she reinforced it with her bounty. - -While she and Mrs Tabby returned in the coach with the two maidservants, -I waited on Mr Mead to the house of justice Buzzard, who, having heard -his declaration, said his oath could be of no use at present, but that -he would be a material evidence for the prisoner at his trial; so that -there seems to be no remedy but patience for poor Clinker; and, indeed, -the same virtue, or medicine, will be necessary for us all, the -squire in particular, who had set his heart upon his excursion to the -northward. - -While we were visiting honest Humphry in Clerkenwell prison, my uncle -received a much more extraordinary visit at his own lodgings. Mr Martin, -of whom I have made such honourable mention, desired permission to pay -him his respects, and was admitted accordingly. He told him, that -having observed him, at Mr Buzzard's, a good deal disturbed by what had -happened to his servant, he had come to assure him he had nothing to -apprehend for Clinker's life; for, if it was possible that any jury -could find him guilty upon such evidence, he, Martin himself, would -produce in court a person, whose deposition would bring him off clear as -the sun at noon.--Sure, the fellow would not be so romantic as to -take the robbery upon himself!--He said, the postilion was an infamous -fellow, who had been a dabbler in the same profession, and saved his -life at the Old Bailey by impeaching his companions; that being now -reduced to great poverty, he had made this desperate push, to swear -away the life of an innocent man, in hopes of having the reward upon his -conviction; but that he would find himself miserably disappointed, for -the justice and his myrmidons were determined to admit of no interloper -in this branch of business; and that he did not at all doubt but that -they would find matter enough to shop the evidence himself before the -next gaol-delivery. He affirmed, that all these circumstances were well -known to the justice; and that his severity to Clinker was no other -than a hint to his master to make him a present in private, as an -acknowledgment of his candour and humanity. - -This hint, however, was so unpalatable to Mr Bramble, that he declared, -with great warmth, he would rather confine himself for life to -London, which he detested, than be at liberty to leave it tomorrow, in -consequence of encouraging corruption in a magistrate. Hearing, however, -how favourable Mr Mead's report had been for the prisoner, he is -resolved to take the advice of counsel in what manner to proceed for his -immediate enlargement. I make no doubt, but that in a day or two this -troublesome business may be discussed; and in this hope we are preparing -for our journey. If our endeavours do not miscarry, we shall have taken -the field before you hear again from - -Yours, J. MELFORD LONDON, June 11 - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -Thank Heaven! dear Lewis, the clouds are dispersed, and I have now the -clearest prospect of my summer campaign, which, I hope, I shall be able -to begin to-morrow. I took the advice of counsel with respect to the -case of Clinker, in whose favour a lucky incident has intervened. -The fellow who accused him, has had his own battery turned upon -himself.--Two days ago he was apprehended for a robbery on the highway, -and committed, on the evidence of an accomplice. Clinker, having moved -for a writ of habeas corpus, was brought before the lord chief justice, -who, in consequence of an affidavit of the gentleman who had been -robbed, importing that the said Clinker was not the person who stopped -him on the highway, as well as in consideration of the postilion's -character and present circumstances, was pleased to order, that -my servant should be admitted to bail, and he has been discharged -accordingly, to the unspeakable satisfaction of our whole family, to -which he has recommended himself in an extraordinary manner, not only by -his obliging deportment, but by his talents of preaching, praying, and -singing psalms, which he has exercised with such effect, that even Tabby -respects him as a chosen vessel. If there was any thing like affectation -or hypocrisy in this excess of religion, I would not keep him in -my service, but, so far as I can observe, the fellow's character is -downright simplicity, warmed with a kind of enthusiasm, which renders -him very susceptible of gratitude and attachment to his benefactors. - -As he is an excellent horseman, and understands farriery, I have bought -a stout gelding for his use, that he may attend us on the road, and have -an eye to our cattle, in case the coachman should not mind his business. -My nephew, who is to ride his own saddle-horse, has taken, upon trial, -a servant just come from abroad with his former master, Sir William -Strollop, who vouches for his honesty. The fellow, whose name is Dutton, -seems to be a petit maitre.--He has got a smattering of French, bows, -and grins, and shrugs, and takes snuff a la mode de France, but values -himself chiefly upon his skill and dexterity in hair-dressing.--If I -am not much deceived by appearance, he is, in all respects, the very -contrast of Humphry Clinker. - -My sister has made up matters with lady Griskin; though, I must own, I -should not have been sorry to see that connexion entirely destroyed: but -Tabby is not of a disposition to forgive Barton, who, I understand, -is gone to his seat in Berkshire for the summer season. I cannot help -suspecting, that in the treaty of peace, which has been lately ratified -betwixt those two females, it is stipulated, that her ladyship shall -use her best endeavours to provide an agreeable help-mate for our sister -Tabitha, who seems to be quite desperate in her matrimonial designs. -Perhaps, the match-maker is to have a valuable consideration in the way -of brokerage, which she will most certainly deserve, if she can find -any man in his senses, who will yoke with Mrs Bramble from motives of -affection or interest. - -I find my spirits and my health affect each other reciprocally that is -to say, every thing that discomposes my mind, produces a correspondent -disorder in my body; and my bodily complaints are remarkably -mitigated by those considerations that dissipate the clouds of mental -chagrin.--The imprisonment of Clinker brought on those symptoms which -I mentioned in my last, and now they are vanished at his discharge.--It -must be owned, indeed, I took some of the tincture of ginseng, prepared -according to your prescription, and found it exceedingly grateful to -the stomach; but the pain and sickness continued to return, after short -intervals, till the anxiety of my mind was entirely removed, and then I -found myself perfectly at case. We have had fair weather these ten days, -to the astonishment of the Londoners, who think it portentous. If you -enjoy the same indulgence in Wales, I hope Barns has got my hay made, -and safe cocked by this time. As we shall be in motion for some weeks, -I cannot expect to hear from you as usual; but I shall continue to write -from every place at which we make any halt, that you may know our track, -in case it should be necessary to communicate any thing to - -Your assured friend, MATT. BRAMBLE LONDON, June 14. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall, &c. - -DEAR MARY, - -Having the occasion of my cousin Jenkins of Aberga'ny, I send you, as -a token, a turkey-shell comb, a kiple of yards of green ribbon, and a -sarment upon the nothingness of good works, which was preached in the -Tabernacle; and you will also receive a horn-buck for Saul, whereby she -may learn her letters; for Fin much consarned about the state of her -poor sole--and what are all the pursuits of this life to the consarns of -that immortal part?--What is life but a veil of affliction? O Mary! the -whole family have been in such a constipation!--Mr Clinker has been in -trouble, but the gates of hell have not been able to prevail again him. -His virtue is like poor gould, seven times tried in the fire. He was -tuck up for a rubbery, and had before gustass Busshard, who made his -mittamouse; and the pore youth was sent to prison upon the false oaf of -a willian, that wanted to sware his life away for the looker of cain. - -The 'squire did all in his power, but could not prevent his being put -in chains, and confined among common manufactors, where he stood like -an innocent sheep in the midst of wolves and tygers.--Lord knows what -mought have happened to this pyehouse young man, if master had not -applied to Apias Korkus, who lives with the ould bailiff, and is, they -say, five hundred years old (God bless us!), and a congeror: but, if he -be, sure I am he don't deal with the devil, otherwise he couldn't have -fought out Mr Clinker, as he did, in spite of stone walls, iron bolts, -and double locks, that flew open at his command; for ould Scratch has -not a greater enemy upon hearth than Mr Clinker, who is, indeed, a very -powerful labourer in the Lord's vineyard. I do no more than yuse the -words of my good lady, who has got the infectual calling; and, I -trust, that even myself, though unworthy, shall find grease to be -excepted.--Miss Liddy has been touch'd to the quick, but is a little -timorsome: howsomever, I make no doubt, but she, and all of us, will be -brought, by the endeavours of Mr Clinker, to produce blessed fruit of -generation and repentance.--As for master and the young 'squire, they -have as yet had narro glimpse of the new light.--I doubt as how their -harts are hardened by worldly wisdom, which, as the pyebill saith, is -foolishness in the sight of God. - -O Mary Jones, pray without seizing for grease to prepare you for -the operations of this wonderful instrument, which, I hope, will -be exorcised this winter upon you and others at Brambleton-hall.-- -Tomorrow, we are to set out in a cox and four for Yorkshire; and, I -believe, we shall travel that way far, and far, and farther than I can -tell; but I shan't go so far as to forget my friends; and Mary Jones -will always be remembered as one of them by her - - -Humble sarvant, WIN. JENKINS LONDON, June 14. - - - - -To Mrs GWYLLIM, house-keeper at Brambleton-hall. MRS GWYLLIM, - -I can't help thinking it very strange, that I never had an answer to the -letter I wrote you some weeks ago from Bath, concerning the sour bear, -the gander, and the maids eating butter, which I won't allow to be -wasted.--We are now going upon a long journey to the north, whereby I -desire you will redouble your care and circumflexion, that the family -may be well managed in our absence; for, you know, you must render -account, not only to your earthly master, but also to him that is above; -and if you are found a good and faithful sarvant, great will be your -reward in haven. I hope there will be twenty stun of cheese ready for -market--by the time I get huom, and as much owl spun, as will make half -a dozen pair of blankets; and that the savings of the butter-milk will -fetch me a good penny before Martinmass, as the two pigs are to be fed -for baking with bitchmast and acrons. - -I wrote to doctor Lews for the same porpuss, but he never had the good -manners to take the least notice of my letter; for which reason, I shall -never favour him with another, though he beshits me on his bended knees. -You will do well to keep a watchful eye over the hind Villiams, who is -one of his amissories, and, I believe, no better than he should be at -bottom. God forbid that I should lack christian charity; but charity -begins at huom, and sure nothing can be a more charitable work than to -rid the family of such vermine. I do suppose, that the bindled cow has -been had to the parson's bull, that old Moll has had another litter of -pigs, and that Dick is become a mighty mouser. Pray order every thing -for the best, and be frugal, and keep the maids to their labour--If I -had a private opportunity, I would send them some hymns to sing instead -of profane ballads; but, as I can't, they and you must be contented with -the prayers of - - -Your assured friend, T. BRAMBLE LONDON, June 14. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -The very day after I wrote my last, Clinker was set at liberty. As -Martin had foretold, the accuser was himself committed for a robbery, -upon unquestionable evidence. He had been for some time in the snares of -the thief-taking society; who, resenting his presumption in attempting -to incroach upon their monopoly of impeachment, had him taken up and -committed to Newgate, on the deposition of an accomplice, who has been -admitted as evidence for the king. The postilion being upon record as an -old offender, the chief justice made no scruple of admitting Clinker to -bail, when he perused the affidavit of Mr Mead, importing that the said -Clinker was not the person that robbed him on Blackheath; and honest -Humphry was discharged. When he came home, he expressed great eagerness -to pay his respects to his master, and here his elocution failed him, -but his silence was pathetic; he fell down at his feet and embraced his -knees, shedding a flood of tears, which my uncle did not see without -emotion. He took snuff in some confusion; and, putting his hand in -his pocket, gave him his blessing in something more substantial than -words--'Clinker (said he), I am so well convinced, both of your honesty -and courage, that I am resolved to make you my life-guardman on the -highway.' - -He was accordingly provided with a case of pistols, and a carbine to be -flung a-cross his shoulders; and every other preparation being made, we -set out last Thursday, at seven in the morning; my uncle, with the three -women in the coach; Humphry, well mounted on a black gelding bought for -his use; myself a-horseback, attended by my new valet, Mr Dutton, -an exceeding coxcomb, fresh from his travels, whom I have taken upon -trial--The fellow wears a solitaire, uses paint, and takes rappee with -all the grimace of a French marquis. At present, however, he is in a -ridingdress, jack-boots, leather breeches, a scarlet waistcoat, with -gold binding, a laced hat, a hanger, a French posting-whip in his hand, -and his hair en queue. - -Before we had gone nine miles, my horse lost one of his shoes; so that I -was obliged to stop at Barnet to have another, while the coach proceeded -at an easy pace over the common. About a mile short of Hatfield, the -postilions, stopping the carriage, gave notice to Clinker that there -were two suspicious fellows a-horseback, at the end of a lane, who -semed waiting to attack the coach. Humphry forthwith apprised my uncle, -declaring he would stand by him to the last drop of his blood; and -unflinging his carbine, prepared for action. The 'squire had pistols in -the pockets of the coach, and resolved to make use of them directly; -but he was effectually prevented by his female companions, who flung -themselves about his neck, and screamed in concert--At that instant, -who should come up at a hand-gallop, but Martin, the highway-man, who, -advancing to the coach, begged the ladies would compose themselves for -a moment then, desiring Clinker to follow him to the charge, he pulled a -pistol out of his bosom, and they rode up together to give battle to the -rogues, who, having fired at a great distance, fled across the common. -They were in pursuit of the fugitives when I came up, not a little -alarmed at the shrieks in the coach, where I found my uncle in a violent -rage, without his periwig, struggling to disentangle himself from Tabby -and the other two, and swearing with great vociferation. Before I had -time to interpose, Martin and Clinker returned from the pursuit, and -the former payed his compliments with great politeness, giving us to -understand, that the fellows had scampered off, and that he believed -they were a couple of raw 'prentices from London. He commended Clinker -for his courage, and said, if we would give him leave, he would have the -honour to accompany us as far as Stevenage, where he had some business. - -The 'squire, having recollected and adjusted himself, was the first -to laugh at his own situation: but it was not without difficulty, that -Tabby's arms could be untwisted from his neck; Liddy's teeth chattered, -and Jenkins was threatened with a fit as usual. I had communicated to my -uncle the character of Martin, as it was described by the constable, and -he was much struck with its singularity--He could not suppose the fellow -had any design on our company, which was so numerous and well armed; he -therefore thanked him, for the service he had just done them, said he -would be glad of his company, and asked him to dine with us at Hatfield. -This invitation might not have been agreeable to the ladies, had they -known the real profession of our guest, but this was a secret to all, -except my uncle and myself. Mrs Tabitha, however, would by no means -consent to proceed with a case of loaded pistols in the coach, and they -were forthwith discharged in complaisance to her and the rest of the -women. - -Being gratified in this particular, she became remarkably goodhumoured, -and at dinner behaved in the most affable manner to Mr Martin, with -whose polite address and agreeable conversation she seemed to be much -taken. After dinner, the landlord accosting me in the yard, asked with a -significant look, if the gentleman that rode the sorrel belonged to our -company?--I understand his meaning, but answered no; that he had come -up with us on the common, and helped us to drive away two fellows, that -looked like highwaymen--He nodded three times distinctly, as much as to -say, he knows his cue. Then he inquired, if one of those men was mounted -on a bay mare, and the other on a chestnut gelding with a white streak -down his forehead? and being answered in the affirmative, he assured me -they had robbed three post-chaises this very morning--I inquired, in my -turn, if Mr Martin was of his acquaintance; and, nodding thrice again, -he answered, that he had seen the gentleman. - -Before we left Hatfield, my uncle, fixing his eyes on Martin with such -expression as is more easily conceived than described, asked, if he -often travelled that road? and he replied with a look which denoted his -understanding the question, that he very seldom did business in that -part of the country. In a word, this adventurer favoured us with his -company to the neighbourhood of Stevenage, where he took his leave of -the coach and me, in very polite terms, and turned off upon a crossroad, -that led to a village on the left--At supper, Mrs Tabby was very full -in the praise of Mr Martin's good-sense and good-breeding, and seemed -to regret that she had not a further opportunity to make some experiment -upon his affection. In the morning, my uncle was not a little surprised -to receive, from the waiter a billet couched in these words-- - - -'SIR, - -I could easily perceive from your looks, when I had the honour to -converse with you at Hatfield, that my character is not unknown to you; -and, I dare say you won't think it strange, that I should be glad to -change my present way of life, for any other honest occupation, let it -be ever so humble, that will afford me bread in moderation, and sleep -in safety--Perhaps you may think I flatter, when I say, that from the -moment I was witness to your generous concern in the cause of your -servant, I conceived a particular esteem and veneration for your person; -and yet what I say is true. I should think myself happy, if I could -be admitted into your protection and service, as house-steward, clerk, -butler, or bailiff, for either of which places I think myself tolerably -well qualified; and, sure I am, I should not be found deficient in -gratitude and fidelity--At the same time, I am very sensible how much -you must deviate from the common maxims of discretion, even in putting -my professions to the trial; but I don't look upon you as a person that -thinks in the ordinary stile; and the delicacy of my situation, will, -I know, justify this address to a heart warmed with beneficence and -compassion--Understanding you are going pretty far north, I shall take -an opportunity to throw myself in your way again, before you reach the -borders of Scotland; and, I hope, by that time, you will have taken into -consideration, the truly distressful case of, - -honoured sir, your very humble, and devoted servant, EDWARD MARTIN' - -The 'squire, having perused this letter, put it into my hand, without -saying a syllable; and when I had read it we looked at each other in -silence. From a certain sparkling in his eyes, I discovered there was -more in his heart, than he cared to express with his tongue, in favour -of poor Martin; and this was precisely my own feeling, which he did not -fail to discern, by the same means of communication--'What shall we -do (said he) to save this poor sinner from the gallows, and make him -a useful member of the commonwealth; and yet the proverb says, Save a -thief from the gallows, and he'll cut your throat.' I told him I really -believed Martin was capable of giving the proverb the lie; and that -I should heartily concur in any step he might take in favour of his -solicitation. We mutually resolved to deliberate upon the subject, -and, in the mean time, proceeded on our journey. The roads, having been -broken up by the heavy rains in the spring, were so rough, that although -we travelled very slowly, the jolting occasioned such pain, to my uncle, -that he was become exceedingly peevish when we arrived at this place, -which lies about eight miles from the postroad, between Wetherby and -Boroughbridge. - -Harrigate-water, so celebrated for its efficacy in the scurvy and other -distempers, is supplied from a copious spring, in the hollow of a -wild common, round which, a good many houses have been built for the -convenience of the drinkers, though few of them are inhabited. Most of -the company lodge at some distance, in five separate inns, situated in -different parts of the commons, from whence they go every morning to the -well, in their own carriages. The lodgers of each inn form a distinct -society, that eat together; and there is a commodious public room, where -they breakfast in disabille, at separate tables, from eight o'clock till -eleven, as they chance or chuse to come in--Here also they drink tea in -the afternoon, and play at cards or dance in the evening. One custom, -however, prevails, which I looked upon as a solecism in politeness. The -ladies treat with tea in their turns; and even girls of sixteen are -not exempted from this shameful imposition--There is a public ball by -subscription every night at one of the houses, to which all the company -from the others are admitted by tickets; and, indeed, Harrigate treads -upon the heels of Bath, in the articles of gaiety and dissipation--with -this difference, however, that here we are more sociable and familiar. -One of the inns is already full up to the very garrets, having no less -than fifty lodgers, and as many servants. Our family does not exceed -thirty-six; and I should be sorry to see the number augmented, as our -accommodations won't admit of much increase. - -At present, the company is more agreeable than one could expect from -an accidental assemblage of persons, who are utter strangers to one -another--There seems to be a general disposition among us to maintain -good-fellowship, and promote the purposes of humanity, in favour of -those who come hither on the score of health. I see several faces which -we left at Bath, although the majority are of the Northern counties, -and many come from Scotland for the benefit of these waters--In such a -variety, there must be some originals, among whom Mrs Tabitha Bramble is -not the most inconsiderable--No place where there is such an intercourse -between the sexes, can be disagreeable to a lady of her views and -temperament--She has had some warm disputes at table, with a lame parson -from Northumberland, on the new birth, and the insignificance of moral -virtue; and her arguments have been reinforced by an old Scotch lawyer, -in a rye periwig, who, though he has lost his teeth, and the use of his -limbs, can still wag his tongue with great volubility. He has paid her -such fulsome compliments, upon her piety and learning, as seem to have -won her heart; and she, in her turn, treats him with such attention as -indicates a design upon his person; but, by all accounts, he is too -much of a fox to be inveigled into any snare that she can lay for his -affection. - -We do not propose to stay long at Harrigate, though, at present, it is -our headquarters, from whence we shall make some excursions, to -visit two or three of our rich relations, who are settled in this -country.--Pray, remember me to all our friends of Jesus, and allow me to -be still - -Yours affectionately, J. MELFORD HARRIGATE, June 23. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -Considering the tax we pay for turnpikes, the roads of this county -constitute a most intolerable grievance. Between Newark and Weatherby, -I have suffered more from jolting and swinging than ever I felt in the -whole course of my life, although the carriage is remarkably commodious -and well hung, and the postilions were very careful in driving. I am now -safely housed at the New Inn, at Harrigate, whither I came to satisfy -my curiosity, rather than with any view of advantage to my health; and, -truly, after having considered all the parts and particulars of the -place, I cannot account for the concourse of people one finds here, upon -any other principle but that of caprice, which seems to be the character -of our nation. - -Harrigate is a wild common, bare and bleak, without tree or shrub, or -the least signs of cultivation; and the people who come to drink the -water, are crowded together in paltry inns, where the few tolerable -rooms are monopolized by the friends and favourites of the house, and -all the rest of the lodgers are obliged to put up with dirty holes, -where there is neither space, air, nor convenience. My apartment is -about ten feet square; and when the folding bed is down, there is just -room sufficient to pass between it and the fire. One might expect, -indeed, that there would be no occasion for a fire at Midsummer; but -here the climate is so backward, that an ash tree, which our landlord -has planted before my window, is just beginning to put forth its leaves; -and I am fain to have my bed warmed every night. - -As for the water, which is said to have effected so many surprising -cures, I have drank it once, and the first draught has cured me of all -desire to repeat the medicine.--Some people say it smells of rotten -eggs, and others compare it to the scourings of a foul gun.--It is -generally supposed to be strongly impregnated with sulphur; and Dr Shaw, -in his book upon mineral water, says, he has seen flakes of sulphur -floating in the well--Pace tanti viri; I, for my part, have never -observed any thing like sulphur, either in or about the well, neither do -I find that any brimstone has ever been extracted from the water. As -for the smell, if I may be allowed to judge from my own organs, it is -exactly that of bilge-water; and the saline taste of it seems to declare -that it is nothing else than salt water putrified in the bowels of the -earth. I was obliged to hold my nose with one hand, while I advanced the -glass to my mouth with the other; and after I had made shift to swallow -it, my stomach could hardly retain what it had received.--The only -effects it produced were sickness, griping, and insurmountable -disgust.--I can hardly mention it without puking.--The world is -strangely misled by the affectation of singularity. I cannot help -suspecting, that this water owes its reputation in a great measure -to its being so strikingly offensive.--On the same kind of analogy, a -German doctor has introduced hemlock and other poisons, as specifics, -into the materia medica.--I am persuaded, that all the cures ascribed -to the Harrigate water, would have been as efficaciously, and infinitely -more agreeably performed, by the internal and external use of seawater. -Sure I am, this last is much less nauseous to the taste and smell, and -much more gentle in its operation as a purge, as well as more extensive -in its medical qualities. - -Two days ago we went across the country to visit 'squire Burdock, who -married a first cousin of my father, an heiress, who brought him an -estate of a thousand a-year. This gentleman is a declared opponent -of the ministry in parliament; and having an opulent fortune, piques -himself upon living in the country, and maintaining old English -hospitality--By the bye, this is a phrase very much used by the English -themselves both in words and writing; but I never heard of it out of the -island, except by way of irony and sarcasm. What the hospitality of our -forefathers has been I should be glad to see recorded, rather in the -memoirs of strangers who have visited our country, and were the proper -objects and judges of such hospitality, than in the discourse and -lucubrations of the modern English, who seem to describe it from -theory and conjecture. Certain it is, we are generally looked upon by -foreigners, as a people totally destitute of this virtue; and I -never was in any country abroad, where I did not meet with persons of -distinction, who complained of having been inhospitably used in Great -Britain. A gentleman of France, Italy, or Germany, who has entertained -and lodged an Englishman at his house, when he afterwards meets with -his guest at London, is asked to dinner at the Saracen's-head, the -Turk's-head, the Boar's-head, or the Bear, eats raw beef and butter, -drinks execrable port, and is allowed to pay his share of the reckoning. - -But to return from this digression, which my feeling for the honour of -my country obliged me to make--our Yorkshire cousin has been a mighty -fox-hunter before the Lord; but now he is too fat and unwieldy to leap -ditches and five-bar gates; nevertheless, he still keeps a pack -of hounds, which are well exercised; and his huntsman every night -entertains him with the adventures of the day's chace, which he recites -in a tone and terms that are extremely curious and significant. In the -mean time, his broad brawn is scratched by one of his grooms.--This -fellow, it seems, having no inclination to curry any beast out of the -stable, was at great pains to scollop his nails in such a manner that -the blood followed at every stroke.--He was in hopes that he would -be dismissed from this disagreeable office, but the event turned out -contrary to his expectation.--His master declared he was the best -scratcher in the family; and now he will not suffer any other servant to -draw a nail upon his carcase. - -The 'squire's lady is very proud, without being stiff or inaccessible. -She receives even her inferiors in point of fortune with a kind of -arrogant civility; but then she thinks she has a right to treat them -with the most ungracious freedoms of speech, and never fails to let -them know she is sensible of her own superior affluence. In a word, -she speaks well of no living soul, and has not one single friend in -the world. Her husband hates her mortally; but, although the brute is -sometimes so very powerful in him that he will have his own way, he -generally truckles to her dominion, and dreads, like a school-boy, the -lash of her tongue. On the other hand, she is afraid of provoking him -too far, lest he should make some desperate effort to shake off her -yoke.--She, therefore, acquiesces in the proofs he daily gives of his -attachment to the liberty of an English freeholder, by saying and doing, -at his own table, whatever gratifies the brutality of his disposition, -or contributes to the case of his person. The house, though large, is -neither elegant nor comfortable.--It looks like a great inn, crowded -with travellers, who dine at the landlord's ordinary, where there is -a great profusion of victuals and drink, but mine host seems to be -misplaced; and I would rather dine upon filberts with a hermit, than -feed upon venison with a hog. The footmen might be aptly compared to the -waiters of a tavern, if they were more serviceable and less rapacious; -but they are generally insolent and inattentive, and so greedy, that, I -think, I can dine better, and for less expence, at the Star and Garter -in Pall mall, than at our cousin's castle in Yorkshire. The 'squire is -not only accommodated with a wife, but he is also blessed with an only -son, about two and twenty, just returned from Italy, a complete fidler -and dillettante; and he slips no opportunity of manifesting the most -perfect contempt for his own father. - -When we arrived, there was a family of foreigners at the house, on a -visit to this virtuoso, with whom they had been acquainted at the Spa; -it was the count de Melville, with his lady, on their way to Scotland. -Mr Burdock had met with an accident, in consequence of which both the -count and I would have retired but the young gentleman and his mother -insisted upon our staying dinner; and their serenity seemed to be -so little ruffled by what had happened, that we complied with their -invitation. The 'squire had been brought home over night in his -post-chaise, so terribly belaboured about the pate, that he seemed to -be in a state of stupefaction, and had ever since remained speechless. A -country apothecary, called Grieve, who lived in a neighbouring village, -having been called to his assistance, had let him blood, and applied a -poultice to his head, declaring, that he had no fever, nor any other bad -symptom but the loss of speech, if he really had lost that faculty. -But the young 'squire said this practitioner was an ignorantaccio, that -there was a fracture in the cranium, and that there was a necessity for -having him trepanned without loss of time. His mother, espousing this -opinion, had sent an express to York for a surgeon to perform the -operation, and he was already come with his 'prentice and instruments. -Having examined the patient's head, he began to prepare his dressings; -though Grieve still retained his first opinion that there was no -fracture, and was the more confirmed in it as the 'squire had passed the -night in profound sleep, uninterrupted by any catching or convulsion. -The York surgeon said he could not tell whether there was a fracture, -until he should take off the scalp; but, at any rate, the operation -might be of service in giving vent to any blood that might be -extravasated, either above or below the dura mater. The lady and her son -were clear for trying the experiment; and Grieve was dismissed with -some marks of contempt, which, perhaps, he owed to the plainness of his -appearance. He seemed to be about the middle age, wore his own black -hair without any sort of dressing; by his garb, one would have taken -him for a quaker, but he had none of the stiffness of that sect, on the -contrary he was very submissive, respectful, and remarkably taciturn. - -Leaving the ladies in an apartment by themselves, we adjourned to the -patient's chamber, where the dressings and instruments were displayed -in order upon a pewter dish. The operator, laying aside his coat and -periwig, equipped himself with a night-cap, apron, and sleeves, while -his 'prentice and footman, seizing the 'squire's head, began to place -it in a proper posture.--But mark what followed.--The patient, bolting -upright in the bed, collared each of these assistants with the grasp of -Hercules, exclaiming, in a bellowing tone, 'I ha'n't lived so long in -Yorkshire to be trepanned by such vermin as you;' and leaping on the -floor, put on his breeches quietly, to the astonishment of us all. The -Surgeon still insisted upon the operation, alleging it was now plain -that the brain was injured, and desiring the servants put him into -bed again; but nobody would venture to execute his orders, or even to -interpose: when the 'squire turned him and his assistants out of doors, -and threw his apparatus out at the window. Having thus asserted his -prerogative, and put on his cloaths with the help of a valet, the count, -with my nephew and me, were introduced by his son, and received with his -usual stile of rustic civility; then turning to signor Macaroni, with a -sarcastic grin, 'I tell thee what, Dick (said he), a man's scull is not -to be bored every time his head is broken; and I'll convince thee and -thy mother, that I know as many tricks as e'er an old fox in the West -Riding.' - -We afterwards understood he had quarrelled at a public house with an -exciseman, whom he challenged to a bout at single stick, in which he had -been worsted; and that the shame of this defeat had tied up his tongue. -As for madam, she had shewn no concern for his disaster, and now heard -of his recovery without emotion--She had taken some little notice of -my sister and niece, though rather with a view to indulge her own -petulance, than out of any sentiment of regard to our family.--She said -Liddy was a fright, and ordered her woman to adjust her head before -dinner; but she would not meddle with Tabby, whose spirit, she soon -perceived, was not to be irritated with impunity. At table, she -acknowledged me so far as to say she had heard of my father; though -she hinted, that he had disobliged her family by making a poor match -in Wales. She was disagreeably familiar in her enquiries about our -circumstances; and asked, if I intended to bring up my nephew to the -law. I told her, that, as he had an independent fortune, he should -follow no profession but that of a country gentleman; and that I was not -without hopes of procuring for him a seat in parliament--'Pray cousin -(said she), what may his fortune be?' When I answered, that, with what -I should be able to give him, he would have better than two thousand a -year, she replied, with a disdainful toss of her head, that it would -be impossible for him to preserve his independence on such a paultry -provision. - -Not a little nettled at this arrogant remark, I told her, I had the -honour to sit in parliament with her father, when he had little more -than half that income; and I believed there was not a more independent -and incorruptible member in the house. 'Ay; but times are changed (cried -the 'squire)--Country gentlemen now-a-days live after another fashion. -My table alone stands me in a cool thousand a quarter, though I raise -my own stock, import my own liquors, and have every thing at the first -hand.--True it is, I keep open house, and receive all corners, for the -honour of Old England.' 'If that be the case (said I), 'tis a wonder you -can maintain it at so small an expence; but every private gentleman is -not expected to keep a caravanserai for the accommodation of travellers: -indeed, if every individual lived in the same stile, you would not have -such a number of guests at your table, of consequence your hospitality -would not shine so bright for the glory of the West Riding.' The -young 'squire, tickled by this ironical observation, exclaimed, 'O che -burla!'--his mother eyed me in silence with a supercilious air; and -the father of the feast, taking a bumper of October, 'My service to you, -cousin Bramble (said he), I have always heard there was something keen -and biting in the air of the Welch mountains.' - -I was much pleased with the count de Melville, who is sensible, easy, -and polite; and the countess is the most amiable woman I ever beheld. -In the afternoon they took leave of their entertainers, and the young -gentleman, mounting his horse, undertook to conduct their coach through -the park, while one of their servants rode round to give notice to the -rest, whom they had left at a public house on the road. The moment -their backs were turned, the censorious daemon took possession of our -Yorkshire landlady and our sister Tabitha--The former observed, that -the countess was a good sort of a body, but totally ignorant of good -breeding, consequently aukward in her address. The squire said, he did -not pretend to the breeding of any thing but colts; but that the jade -would be very handsome, if she was a little more in flesh. 'Handsome! -(cried Tabby) she has indeed a pair of black eyes without any meaning; -but then there is not a good feature in her face.' 'I know not what you -call good features in Wales (replied our landlord); but they'll pass in -Yorkshire.' Then turning to Liddy, he added, 'What say you, my pretty -Redstreak?--what is your opinion of the countess?' 'I think (cried -Liddy, with great emotion), she's an angel.' Tabby chid her for talking -with such freedom in company; and the lady of the house said, in a -contemptuous tone, she supposed miss had been brought up at some country -boarding-school. - -Our conversation was suddenly interrupted by the young gentleman, -who galloped into the yard all aghast, exclaiming, that the coach was -attacked by a great number of highwaymen. My nephew and I rushed out, -found his own and his servant's horse ready saddled in the stable, with -pistols in the caps--We mounted instantly, ordering Clinker and Dutton -to follow with all possible expedition; but notwithstanding all the -speed we could make, the action was over before we arrived, and the -count with his lady, safe lodged at the house of Grieve, who had -signalized himself in a very remarkable manner on this occasion. At the -turning of a lane, that led to the village where the count's servants -remained, a couple of robbers a-horseback suddenly appeared, with their -pistols advanced: one kept the coachman in awe, and the other demanded -the count's money, while the young 'squire went off at full speed, -without ever casting a look behind. The count desiring the thief to -withdraw his pistol, as the lady was in great terror, delivered his -purse without making the least resistance; but not satisfied with this -booty, which was pretty considerable, the rascal insisted upon rifling -her of her car-rings and necklace, and the countess screamed with -affright. Her husband, exasperated at the violence with which she was -threatened, wrested the pistol out of the fellow's hand, and turning it -upon him, snapped it in his face; but the robber knowing there was no -charge in it, drew another from his bosom, and in all probability would -have killed him on the spot, had not his life been saved by a wonderful -interposition. Grieve, the apothecary, chancing to pass that very -instant, ran up to the coach, and with a crab-stick, which was all the -weapon he had, brought the fellow to the ground with the first blow; -then seizing his pistol, presented it at his colleague, who fired his -piece at random, and fled without further opposition. The other was -secured by the assistance of the count and the coachman; and his legs -being tied under the belly of his own horse, Grieve conducted him to -the village, whither also the carriage proceeded. It was with great -difficulty the countess could be kept from swooning; but at last she was -happily conveyed to the house of the apothecary, who went into the shop -to prepare some drops for her, while his wife and daughter administered -to her in another apartment. - -I found the count standing in the kitchen with the parson of the parish, -and expressing much impatience to see his protector, whom as yet he had -scarce found time to thank for the essential service he had done him -and the countess.--The daughter passing at the same time with a glass of -water, monsieur de Melville could not help taking notice of her figure, -which was strikingly engaging.--'Ay (said the parson), she is the -prettiest girl, and the best girl in all my parish: and if I could give -my son an estate of ten thousand a year, he should have my consent to -lay it at her feet. If Mr Grieve had been as solicitious about getting -money, as he has been in performing all the duties of a primitive -Christian, he would not have hung so long upon his hands.' 'What is her -name?' said I. 'Sixteen years ago (answered the vicar) I christened her -by the names of Seraphina Melvilia.' 'Ha! what! how! (cried the count -eagerly) sure, you said Seraphina Melvilia.' 'I did (said he); Mr Grieve -told me those were the names of two noble persons abroad, to whom he had -been obliged for more than life.' - -The count, without speaking another syllable, rushed into the parlour, -crying, 'This is your god-daughter, my dear.' Mrs Grieve, then seizing -the countess by the hand, exclaimed with great agitation, 'O madam! O -sir!--I am--I am your poor Elinor.--This is my Seraphina Melvilia O -child! these are the count and countess of Melville, the generous the -glorious benefactors of thy once unhappy parents.' - -The countess rising from her scat threw her arms about the neck of the -amiable Seraphina, and clasped her to her breast with great tenderness, -while she herself was embraced by the weeping mother. This moving scene -was completed by the entrance of Grieve himself, who falling on his -knees before the count, 'Behold (said he) a penitent, who at length -can look upon his patron without shrinking.' 'Ah, Ferdinand! (cried he, -raising and folding him in his arms) the playfellow of my infancy--the -companion of my youth!--Is it to you then I am indebted for my -life?' 'Heaven has heard my prayer (said the other), and given me an -opportunity to prove myself not altogether unworthy of your clemency and -protection.' He then kissed the hand of the countess, while monsieur -de Melville saluted his wife and lovely daughter, and all of us were -greatly affected by this pathetic recognition. - -In a word, Grieve was no other than Ferdinand count Fathom, whose -adventures were printed many years ago. Being a sincere convert to -virtue, he had changed his name, that he might elude the enquiries of -the count, whose generous allowance he determined to forego, that he -might have no dependence but upon his own industry and moderation. He -had accordingly settled in this village as a practitioner in surgery and -physic, and for some years wrestled with all the miseries of indigence, -which, however, he and his wife had borne with the most exemplary -resignation. At length, by dint of unwearied attention to the duties of -his profession, which he exercised with equal humanity and success, he -had acquired tolerable share of business among the farmers and common -people, which enabled him to live in a decent manner. He had been scarce -ever seen to smile; was unaffectedly pious; and all the time he could -spare from the avocations of his employment, he spent in educating -his daughter, and in studying for his own improvement. In short, the -adventurer Fathom was, under the name of Grieve, universally respected -among the commonalty of this district, as a prodigy of learning and -virtue. These particulars I learned from the vicar, when we quitted the -room, that they might be under no restraint in their mutual effusions. -I make no doubt that Grieve will be pressed to leave off business, -and re-unite himself to the count's family; and as the countess seemed -extremely fond of his daughter, she will, in all probability, insist -upon Seraphina's accompanying her to Scotland. - -Having paid our compliments to these noble persons, we returned to the -'squire's, where we expected an invitation to pass the night, which was -wet and raw; but it seems, 'squire Burdock's hospitality reached not so -far for the honour of Yorkshire; we therefore departed in the evening, -and lay at an inn, where I caught cold. - -In hope of riding it down before it could take fast hold on my -constitution, I resolved to visit another relation, one Mr Pimpernel, -who lived about a dozen miles from the place where we lodged. Pimpernel -being the youngest of four sons, was bred an attorney at Furnival's inn; -but all his elder brothers dying, he got himself called to the bar for -the honour of his family, and soon after this preferment, succeeded to -his father's estate which was very considerable. He carried home with -him all the knavish chicanery of the lowest pettifogger, together with -a wife whom he had purchased of a drayman for twenty pounds; and he soon -found means to obtain a dedimus as an acting justice of peace. He is not -only a sordid miser in his disposition, but his avarice is mingled -with a spirit of despotism, which is truly diabolical.--He is a brutal -husband, an unnatural parent, a harsh master, an oppressive landlord, a -litigious neighbour, and a partial magistrate. Friends he has none; -and in point of hospitality and good breeding, our cousin Burdock is a -prince in comparison of this ungracious miscreant, whose house is the -lively representation of a gaol. Our reception was suitable to the -character I have sketched. Had it depended upon the wife, we should have -been kindly treated.--She is really a good sort of a woman, in spite -of her low original, and well respected in the country; but she has not -interest enough in her own house to command a draught of table beer, -far less to bestow any kind of education on her children, who run about, -like tagged colts, in a state of nature.--Pox on him! he is such a dirty -fellow, that I have not patience to prosecute the subject. - -By that time we reached Harrigate, I began to be visited by certain -rheumatic symptoms. The Scotch lawyer, Mr Micklewhimmen, recommended a -hot bath of these waters so earnestly, that I was over-persuaded to try -the experiment.--He had used it often with success and always stayed an -hour in the bath, which was a tub filled with Harrigate water, heated -for the purpose. If I could hardly bear the smell of a single tumbler -when cold, you may guess how my nose was regaled by the streams arising -from a hot bath of the same fluid. At night, I was conducted into a dark -hole on the ground floor, where the tub smoaked and stunk like the pot -of Acheron, in one corner, and in another stood a dirty bed provided -with thick blankets, in which I was to sweat after coming out of the -bath. My heart seemed to die within me when I entered this dismal -bagnio, and found my brain assaulted by such insufferable effluvia. I -cursed Micklewhimmen for not considering that my organs were formed on -this side of the Tweed; but being ashamed to recoil upon the threshold, -I submitted to the process. - -After having endured all but real suffocation for above a quarter of an -hour in the tub, I was moved to the bed and wrapped in blankets.--There -I lay a full hour panting with intolerable heat; but not the least -moisture appearing on my skin, I was carried to my own chamber, and -passed the night without closing an eye, in such a flutter of spirits as -rendered me the most miserable wretch in being. I should certainly -have run distracted, if the rarefaction of my blood, occasioned by -that Stygian bath, had not burst the vessels, and produced a violent -haemorrhage, which, though dreadful and alarming, removed the horrible -disquiet--I lost two pounds of blood, and more, on this occasion; and -find myself still weak and languid; but, I believe, a little exercise -will forward my recovery, and therefore I am resolved to set out -to-morrow for York, in my way to Scarborough, where I propose to brace -up my fibres by sea-bathing, which, I know, is one of your favourite -specificks. There is, however, one disease, for which you have found as -yet no specific, and that is old age, of which this tedious unconnected -epistle is an infallible symptom: what, therefore, cannot be cured, must -be endured, by you, as well as by - -Yours, MATT. BRAMBLE HARRIGATE, June 26. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -The manner of living at Harrigate was so agreeable to my disposition, -that I left the place with some regret--Our aunt Tabby would have -probably made some objection to our departing so soon, had not an -accident embroiled her with Mr Micklewhimmen, the Scotch advocate, -on whose heart she had been practising, from the second day after our -arrival--That original, though seemingly precluded from the use of -his limbs, had turned his genius to good account--In short, by dint of -groaning, and whining, he had excited the compassion of the company so -effectually, that an old lady, who occupied the very best apartment in -the house, gave it up for his case and convenience. When his man led him -into the Long Room, all the females were immediately in commotion--One -set an elbow-chair; another shook up the cushion; a third brought a -stool; and a fourth a pillow, for the accommodation of his feet-- -Two ladies (of whom Tabby was always one) supported him into the -dining-room, and placed him properly at the table; and his taste was -indulged with a succession of delicacies, culled by their fair hands. -All this attention he repaid with a profusion of compliments and -benedictions, which were not the less agreeable for being delivered in -the Scottish dialect. As for Mrs Tabitha, his respects were particularly -addressed to her, and he did not fail to mingle them with religious -reflections, touching free grace, knowing her bias to methodism, which -he also professed upon a calvinistical model. - -For my part, I could not help thinking this lawyer was not such an -invalid as he pretended to be. I observed he ate very heartily three -times a day; and though his bottle was marked stomachic tincture, he -had recourse to it so often, and seemed to swallow it with such peculiar -relish, that I suspected it was not compounded in the apothecary's shop, -or the chemist's laboratory. One day, while he was earnest in discourse -with Mrs Tabitha, and his servant had gone out on some occasion or -other, I dexterously exchanged the labels, and situation of his bottle -and mine; and having tasted his tincture, found it was excellent claret. -I forthwith handed it about me to some of my neighbours, and it was -quite emptied before Mr Micklewhimmen had occasion to repeat his -draught. At length, turning about, he took hold of my bottle, instead of -his own, and, filling a large glass, drank to the health of Mrs Tabitha. -It had scarce touched his lips, when he perceived the change which had -been put upon him, and was at first a little out of countenance. He -seemed to retire within himself, in order to deliberate, and in half a -minute his resolution was taken; addressing himself to our quarter, 'I -give the gentleman credit for his wit (said he); it was a gude practical -joke; but sometimes hi joci in seria ducunt mala--I hope for his own -sake he has na drank all the liccor; for it was a vara poorful infusion -of jallap in Bourdeaux wine; at its possable he may ha ta'en sic a dose -as will produce a terrible catastrophe in his ain booels--' - -By far the greater part of the contents had fallen to the share of a -young clothier from Leeds, who had come to make a figure at Harrigate, -and was, in effect a great coxcomb in his way. It was with a view to -laugh at his fellow-guests, as well as to mortify the lawyer, that he -had emptied the bottle, when it came to his turn, and he had laughed -accordingly: but now his mirth gave way to his apprehension--He began -to spit, to make wry faces, and writhe himself into various -contorsions--'Damn the stuff! (cried he) I thought it had a villainous -twang--pah! He that would cozen a Scot, mun get oope betimes, and take -Old Scratch for his counsellor--' 'In troth mester what d'ye ca'um -(replied the lawyer), your wit has run you into a filthy puddle--I'm -truly consarned for your waeful case--The best advice I can give you, in -sic a delemma, is to send an express to Rippon for doctor Waugh, without -delay, and, in the mean time, swallow all the oil and butter you can -find in the hoose, to defend your poor stomach and intastines from the -villication of the particles of the jallap, which is vara violent, even -when taken in moderation.' - -The poor clothier's torments had already begun: he retired, roaring with -pain, to his own chamber; the oil was swallowed, and the doctor -sent for; but before he arrived, the miserable patient had made such -discharges upwards and downwards, that nothing remained to give him -further offence; and this double evacuation, was produced by imagination -alone; for what he had drank was genuine wine of Bourdeaux, which the -lawyer had brought from Scotland for his own private use. The clothier, -finding the joke turn out so expensive and disagreeable, quitted the -house next morning, leaving the triumph to Micklewhimmen, who enjoyed it -internally without any outward signs of exultation--on the contrary, he -affected to pity the young man for what he had suffered; and acquired -fresh credit from this shew of moderation. - -It was about the middle of the night, which succeeded this adventure, -that the vent of the kitchen chimney being foul, the soot took fire, and -the alarm was given in a dreadful manner. Every body leaped naked out -of bed, and in a minute the whole house was filled with cries and -confusion--There was two stairs in the house, and to these we naturally -ran; but they were both so blocked up, by the people pressing one upon -another, that it seemed impossible to pass, without throwing down -and trampling upon the women. In the midst of this anarchy, Mr -Micklewhimmen, with a leathern portmanteau on his back, came running -as nimble as a buck along the passage; and Tabby in her underpetticoat, -endeavouring to hook him under the arm, that she might escape through -his protection, he very fairly pushed her down, crying, 'Na, na, gude -faith, charity begins at hame!' Without paying the least respect to the -shrieks and intreaties of his female friends, he charged through the -midst of the crowd, overturning every thing that opposed him; and -actually fought his way to the bottom of the Stair-case--By this time -Clinker had found a ladder by which he entered the window of my uncle's -chamber, where our family was assembled, and proposed that we should -make our exit successively by that conveyance. The 'squire exhorted his -sister to begin the descent; but, before she could resolve, her woman, -Mrs Winifred Jenkins, in a transport of terror, threw herself out at the -window upon the ladder, while Humphry dropped upon the ground, that -he might receive her in her descent--This maiden was just as she had -started out of bed, the moon shone very bright, and a fresh breeze of -wind blowing, none of Mrs Winifred's beauties could possibly escape the -view of the fortunate Clinker, whose heart was not able to withstand the -united force of so many charms; at least I am much mistaken, if he has -not been her humble slave from that moment--He received her in his arms, -and, giving her his coat to protect her from the weather, ascended again -with admirable dexterity. - -At that instant, the landlord of the house called out with an audible -voice, that the fire was extinguished, and the ladies had nothing -further to fear: this was a welcome note to the audience, and produced -an immediate effect; the shrieking ceased, and a confused sound of -expostulation ensued. I conducted Mrs Tabitha and my sister to their own -chamber, where Liddy fainted away; but was soon brought to herself. -Then I went to offer my services to the other ladies, who might want -assistance--They were all scudding through the passage to their several -apartments; and as the thoroughfair was lighted by two lamps, I had a -pretty good observation of them in their transit; but as most of them -were naked to the smock, and all their heads shrowded in huge nightcaps, -I could not distinguish one face from another, though I recognized -some of their voices--These were generally plaintive; some wept, some -scolded, and some prayed--I lifted up one poor old gentlewoman, who had -been overturned and sore bruised by a multitude of feet; and this -was also the case with the lame person from Northumberland, whom -Micklewhimmen had in his passage overthrown, though not with impunity, -for the cripple, in falling, gave him such a good pelt on the head with -his crutch, that the blood followed. - -As for this lawyer, he waited below till the hurly burly was over, and -then stole softly to his own chamber, from whence he did not venture to -make a second sally till eleven in the forenoon, when he was led into -the Public Room, by his own servant and another assistant, groaning most -woefully, with a bloody napkin round his head. But things were greatly -altered--The selfish brutality of his behaviour on the stairs had -steeled their hearts against all his arts and address--Not a soul -offered to accommodate him with a chair, cushion, or footstool; so that -he was obliged to sit down on a hard bench--In that position, he looked -around with a rueful aspect, and, bowing very low, said in a -whining tone, 'Your most humble servant, ladies--Fire is a dreadful -calamity'--'Fire purifies gold, and it ties friendship,' cried Mrs -Tabitha, bridling. 'Yea, madam (replied Micklewhimmen); and it trieth -discretion also'--'If discretion consists in forsaking a friend in -adversity, you are eminently possessed of that virtue' (resumed our -aunt).--'Na, madam (rejoined the advocate), well I wot, I cannot claim -any merit from the mode of my retreat--Ye'll please to observe, ladies, -there are twa independent principles that actuate our nature--One is -instinct, which we have in common with the brute creation, and the other -is reason--Noo, in certain great emergencies, when the faculty of reason -is suspended, instinct taks the lead, and when this predominates, having -no affinity with reason, it pays no sort of regard to its connections; -it only operates for the preservation of the individual, and that by the -most expeditious and effectual means; therefore, begging your pardon, -ladies, I'm no accountable in foro conscientioe for what I did, while -under the influence of this irresistible pooer.' - -Here my uncle interposing, 'I should be glad to know (said he), whether -it was instinct that prompted you to retreat with bag and baggage; for, -I think, you had a portmanteau on your shoulder' The lawyer answered, -without hesitation, 'Gif I might tell my mind freely, withoot incuring -the suspicion of presumption, I should think it was something superior -to either reason or instinct which suggested that measure, and this on -a twafold accoont: in the first place, the portmanteau contained the -writings of a worthy nobleman's estate; and their being burnt would have -occasioned a loss that could not be repaired; secondly, my good angel -seems to have laid the portmanteau on my shoulders, by way of defence, -to sustain the violence of a most inhuman blow, from the crutch of a -reverend clergyman, which, even in spite of that medium, hath wounded -me sorely, even unto the pericranium.' 'By your own doctrine (cried the -parson, who chanced to be present), I am not accountable for the blow, -which was the effect of instinct.' 'I crave your pardon, reverend sir -(said the other), instinct never acts but for the preservation of the -individual; but your preservation was out of the case--you had already -received the damage, and therefore the blow must be imputed to revenge, -which is a sinful passion, that ill becomes any Christian, especially a -protestant divine; and let me tell you, most reverend doctor, gin I had -a mind to plea, the law would hauld my libel relevant.' 'Why, the damage -is pretty equal on both sides (cried the parson); your head is broke, -and my crutch is snapt in the middle. Now, if you will repair the one, I -will be at the expence of curing the other.' - -This sally raised the laugh against Micklewhimmen, who began to look -grave; when my uncle, in order to change the discourse, observed, -that instinct had been very kind to him in another respect; for it had -restored to him the use of his limbs, which, in his exit, he had moved -with surprising agility.--He replied, that it was the nature of fear to -brace up the nerves; and mentioned some surprising feats of strength -and activity performed by persons under the impulse of terror; but he -complained that in his own particular, the effects had ceased when the -cause was taken away--The 'squire said, he would lay a tea-drinking on -his head, that he should dance a Scotch measure, without making a false -step; and the advocate grinning, called for the piper--A fidler being -at hand, this original started up, with his bloody napkin over his black -tye-periwig, and acquitted himself in such a manner as excited the mirth -of the whole company; but he could not regain the good graces of Mrs -Tabby, who did not understand the principle of instinct; and the lawyer -did not think it worth his while to proceed to further demonstration. - -From Harrigate, we came hither, by the way of York, and here we shall -tarry some days, as my uncle and Tabitha are both resolved to make use -of the waters. Scarborough, though a paltry town, is romantic from its -situation along a cliff that over-hangs the sea. The harbour is formed -by a small elbow of land that runs out as a natural mole, directly -opposite to the town; and on that side is the castle, which stands very -high, of considerable extent, and, before the invention of gun-powder, -was counted impregnable. At the other end of Scarborough are two public -rooms for the use of the company, who resort to this place in the summer -to drink the waters and bathe in the sea; and the diversions are pretty -much on the same footing here as at Bath. The Spa is a little way beyond -the town, on this side, under a cliff, within a few paces of the sea, -and thither the drinkers go every morning in dishabille; but the descent -is by a great number of steps, which invalids find very inconvenient. -Betwixt the well and the harbour, the bathing machines are ranged along -the beach, with all their proper utensils and attendants. You have never -seen one of these machines--Image to yourself a small, snug, wooden -chamber, fixed upon a wheel-carriage, having a door at each end, and on -each side a little window above, a bench below--The bather, ascending -into this apartment by wooden steps, shuts himself in, and begins to -undress, while the attendant yokes a horse to the end next the sea, and -draws the carriage forwards, till the surface of the water is on a level -with the floor of the dressing-room, then he moves and fixes the horse -to the other end--The person within being stripped, opens the door to -the sea-ward, where he finds the guide ready, and plunges headlong into -the water--After having bathed, he re-ascends into the apartment, by the -steps which had been shifted for that purpose, and puts on his clothes -at his leisure, while the carriage is drawn back again upon the dry -land; so that he has nothing further to do, but to open the door, and -come down as he went up--Should he be so weak or ill as to require -a servant to put off and on his clothes, there is room enough in the -apartment for half a dozen people. The guides who attend the ladies in -the water, are of their own sex, and they and the female bathers have -a dress of flannel for the sea; nay, they are provided with other -conveniences for the support of decorum. A certain number of the -machines are fitted with tilts, that project from the sea-ward ends -of them, so as to screen the bathers from the view of all persons -whatsoever--The beach is admirably adapted for this practice, the -descent being gently gradual, and the sand soft as velvet; but then the -machines can be used only at a certain time of the tide, which varies -every day; so that sometimes the bathers are obliged to rise very early -in the morning--For my part, I love swimming as an exercise, and -can enjoy it at all times of the tide, without the formality of an -apparatus--You and I have often plunged together into the Isis; but -the sea is a much more noble bath, for health as well as pleasure. You -cannot conceive what a flow of spirits it gives, and how it braces every -sinew of the human frame. Were I to enumerate half the diseases which -are every day cured by sea-bathing, you might justly say you had -received a treatise, instead of a letter, from - -Your affectionate friend and servant, J. MELFORD SCARBOROUGH, July 1. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -I have not found all the benefit I expected at Scarborough, where I have -been these eight days--From Harrigate we came hither by the way of York, -where we stayed only one day to visit the Castle, the Minster and -the Assembly-room. The first, which was heretofore a fortress, is now -converted to a prison, and is the best, in all respects, I ever saw, -at home or abroad--It stands in a high situation, extremely well -ventilated; and has a spacious area within the walls, for the health and -convenience of all the prisoners except those whom it is necessary to -secure in close confinement. Even these last have all the comforts that -the nature of their situation can admit. Here the assizes are held, in a -range of buildings erected for that purpose. - -As for the Minster, I know not how to distinguish it, except by its -great size and the height of its spire, from those other ancient -churches in different parts of the kingdom, which used to be called -monuments of Gothic architecture; but it is now agreed, that this stile -is Saracen rather than Gothic; and, I suppose, it was first imported -into England from Spain, great part of which was under the dominion of -the Moors. Those British architects who adopted this stile, don't seem -to have considered the propriety of their adoption. The climate of the -country, possessed by the Moors or Saracens, both in Africa and Spain, -was so exceedingly hot and dry, that those who built places of worship -for the multitude, employed their talents in contriving edifices that -should be cool; and, for this purpose, nothing could be better adopted -than those buildings, vast, narrow, dark, and lofty, impervious to the -sun-beams, and having little communication with the scorched external -atmosphere; but ever affording a refreshing coolness, like subterranean -cellars in the heats of summer, or natural caverns in the bowels of huge -mountains. But nothing could be more preposterous, than to imitate such -a mode of architecture in a country like England, where the climate -is cold, and the air eternally loaded with vapours; and where, of -consequence, the builder's intention should be to keep the people dry -and warm--For my part, I never entered the Abbey church at Bath but -once, and the moment I stept over the threshold, I found myself chilled -to the very marrow of my bones. When we consider, that in our churches, -in general, we breathe a gross stagnated air, surcharged with damps -from vaults, tombs, and charnel-houses, may we not term them so many -magazines of rheums, created for the benefit of the medical faculty? and -safely aver, that more bodies are lost, than souls saved, by going to -church, in the winter especially, which may be said to engross eight -months in the year. I should be glad to know, what offence it would give -to tender consciences, if the house of God was made more comfortable, -or less dangerous to the health of valetudinarians; and whether it -would not be an encouragement to piety, as well as the salvation of many -lives, if the place of worship was well floored, wainscotted, warmed, -and ventilated, and its area kept sacred from the pollution of the -dead. The practice of burying in churches was the effect of ignorant -superstition, influenced by knavish priests, who pretended that the -devil could have no power over the defunct if he was interred in holy -ground; and this indeed, is the only reason that can be given for -consecrating all cemeteries, even at this day. - -The external appearance of an old cathedral cannot be but displeasing to -the eye of every man, who has any idea of propriety or proportion, even -though he may be ignorant of architecture as a science; and the long -slender spire puts one in mind of a criminal impaled with a sharp stake -rising up through his shoulder--These towers, or steeples, were likewise -borrowed from the Mahometans; who, having no bells, used such minarets -for the purpose of calling the people to prayers--They may be of further -use, however, for making observations and signals; but I would vote for -their being distinct from the body of the church, because they serve -only to make the pile more barbarous, or Saracenical. - -There is nothing of this Arabic architecture in the Assembly Room, which -seems to me to have been built upon a design of Palladio, and might -be converted into an elegant place of worship; but it is indifferently -contrived for that sort of idolatry which is performed in it at present: -the grandeur of the fane gives a diminutive effect to the little painted -divinities that are adorned in it, and the company, on a ball-night, -must look like an assembly of fantastic fairies, revelling by moonlight -among the columns of a Grecian temple. - -Scarborough seems to be falling off, in point of reputation. All these -places (Bath excepted) have their vogue, and then the fashion changes. -I am persuaded, there are fifty spaws in England as efficacious and -salutary as that of Scarborough, though they have not yet risen to fame; -and, perhaps, never will, unless some medical encomiast should find an -interest in displaying their virtues to the public view--Be that as it -may, recourse will always be had to this place for the convenience of -sea bathing, while this practice prevails; but it were to be wished, -they would make the beach more accessible to invalids. - -I have here met with my old acquaintance, H[ewet]t, whom you have often -heard me mention as one of the most original characters upon earth--I -first knew him at Venice, and afterwards saw him in different parts of -Italy, where he was well known by the nick-name of Cavallo Bianco, -from his appearing always mounted on a pale horse, like Death in the -Revelations. You must remember the account I once gave you of a curious -dispute he had at Constantinople, with a couple of Turks, in defence of -the Christian religion; a dispute from which he acquired the epithet -of Demonstrator--The truth is, H--owns no religion but that of nature; -but, on this occasion, he was stimulated to shew his parts, for the -honour of his country--Some years ago, being in the Campidoglio at Rome, -he made up to the bust of Jupiter, and, bowing very low, exclaimed in -the Italian language, 'I hope, sir, if ever you get your head above -water again, you will remember that I paid my respects to you in your -adversity.' This sally was reported to the cardinal Camerlengo, and by -him laid before pope Benedict XIV, who could not help laughing at the -extravagance of the address, and said to the cardinal, 'Those English -heretics think they have a right to go to the devil in their own way.' - -Indeed H-- was the only Englishman I ever knew, who had resolution -enough to live in his own way, in the midst of foreigners; for, neither -in dress, diet, customs, or conversation, did he deviate one tittle from -the manner in which he had been brought up. About twelve years ago, he -began a Giro or circuit, which he thus performed--At Naples, where -he fixed his headquarters, he embarked for Marseilles, from whence he -travelled with a Voiturin to Antibes--There he took his passage to -Genoa and Lerici; from which last place he proceeded, by the way of -Cambratina, to Pisa and Florence--After having halted some time in -this metropolis, he set out with a Vetturino for Rome, where he reposed -himself a few weeks, and then continued his route for Naples, in order -to wait for the next opportunity of embarkation--After having twelve -times described this circle, he lately flew off at a tangent to visit -some trees at his country-house in England, which he had planted above -twenty years ago, after the plan of the double colonnade in the piazza -of St Peter's at Rome--He came hither to Scarborough, to pay his -respects to his noble friend and former pupil, the M-- of G--, and, -forgetting that he is now turned of seventy, sacrificed so liberally to -Bacchus, that next day he was seized with a fit of the apoplexy, which -has a little impaired his memory; but he retains all the oddity of -his character in perfection, and is going back to Italy by the way of -Geneva, that he may have a conference with his friend Voltaire, about -giving the last blow to the Christian superstition--He intends to take -shipping here for Holland or Hamburgh; for it is a matter of great -indifference to him at what part of the continent he first lands. - -When he was going abroad the last time, he took his passage in a ship -bound for Leghorn, and his baggage was actually embarked. In going down -the river by water, he was by mistake put on board of another -vessel under sail; and, upon inquiry understood she was bound to -Petersburgh--'Petersburgh,--Petersburgh (said he) I don't care if I go -along with you.' He forthwith struck a bargain with the captain; bought -a couple of shirts of the mate, and was safe conveyed to the court of -Muscovy, from whence he travelled by land to receive his baggage at -Leghorn--He is now more likely than ever to execute a whim of the same -nature; and I will hold any wager, that as he cannot be supposed to live -much longer, according to the course of nature, his exit will be as odd -as his life has been extravagant. - -[This gentleman crossed the sea to France, visited and conferred with -Mr de Voltaire at Fernay, resumed his old circuit at Genoa, and died in -1767, at the house of Vanini in Florence. Being taken with a suppression -of urine, he resolved, in imitation of Pomponius Atticus, to take -himself off by abstinence; and this resolution he executed like an -ancient Roman. He saw company to the last, cracked his jokes, conversed -freely, and entertained his guests with music. On the third day of his -fast, he found himself entirely freed of his complaint; but refused -taking sustenance. He said the most disagreeable part of the voyage was -past, and he should be a cursed fool indeed, to put about ship, when he -was just entering the harbour. In these sentiments he persisted, without -any marks of affectation, and thus finished his course with such -case and serenity, as would have done honour to the firmest Stoic of -antiquity.] - -But, to return from one humourist to another, you must know I have -received benefit, both from the chalybeate and the sea, and would have -used them longer, had not a most ridiculous adventure, by making me the -town-talk, obliged me to leave the place; for I can't bear the thoughts -of affording a spectacle to the multitude Yesterday morning, at six -o'clock, I went down to the bathing-place, attended by my servant -Clinker, who waited on the beach as usual--The wind blowing from the -north, and the weather being hazy, the water proved so chill, that when -I rose from my first plunge, I could not help sobbing and bawling out, -from the effects of the cold. Clinker, who heard me cry, and saw me -indistinctly a good way without the guide, buffetting the waves, took it -for granted I was drowning, and rushing into the sea, clothes and all, -overturned the guide in his hurry to save his master. I had swam out -a few strokes, when hearing a noise, I turned about and saw Clinker, -already up to his neck, advancing towards me, with all the wildness of -terror in his aspect--Afraid he would get out of his depth, I made haste -to meet him, when, all of a sudden, he seized me by one ear, dragged me -bellowing with pain upon the dry beach, to the astonishment of all the -people, men, and women, and children there assembled. - -I was so exasperated by the pain of my ear, and the disgrace of being -exposed in such an attitude, that, in the first transport I struck him -down; then, running back into the sea, took shelter in the machine where -my clothes had been deposited. I soon recollected myself so far as to do -justice to the poor fellow, who, in great simplicity of heart, had acted -from motives of fidelity and affection--Opening the door of the machine, -which was immediately drawn on shore, I saw him standing by the wheel, -dropping like a water-work, and trembling from head to foot; partly from -cold, and partly from the dread of having offended his master--I made -my acknowledgments for the blow he had received, assured him I was -not angry, and insisted upon his going home immediately, to shift his -clothes; a command which he could hardly find in his heart to execute, -so well disposed was he to furnish the mob with further entertainment -at my expence. Clinker's intention was laudable without all doubt, but, -nevertheless, I am a sufferer by his simplicity--I have had a burning -heat, and a strange buzzing noise in that ear, ever since it was so -roughly treated; and I cannot walk the street without being pointed at; -as the monster that was hauled naked a-shore upon the beach--Well, I -affirm that folly is often more provoking than knavery, aye and more -mischievous too; and whether a man had not better choose a sensible -rogue, than an honest simpleton for his servant, is no matter of doubt -with - -Yours, MATT. BRAMBLE SCARBOROUGH, July 4. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -We made a precipitate retreat from Scarborough, owing to the excessive -delicacy of our 'squire, who cannot bear the thoughts of being -proetereuntium digito monstratus. - -One morning, while he was bathing in the sea, his man Clinker took it -in his head that his master was in danger of drowning; and, in this -conceit, plunging into the water, he lugged him out naked on the beach, -and almost pulled off his ear in the operation. You may guess how this -atchievement was relished by Mr Bramble, who is impatient, irascible, -and has the most extravagant ideas of decency and decorum in the -oeconomy of his own person--In the first ebullition of his choler, he -knocked Clinker down with his fist; but he afterwards made him amends -for his outrage, and, in order to avoid further notice of the people, -among whom this incident had made him remarkable, he resolved to leave -Scarborough next day. - -We set out accordingly over the moors, by the way of Whitby, and began -our journey betimes, in hopes of reaching Stockton that night; but -in this hope we were disappointed--In the afternoon, crossing a deep -gutter, made by a torrent, the coach was so hard strained, that one of -the irons, which connect the frame, snapt, and the leather sling on the -same side, cracked in the middle. The shock was so great, that my sister -Liddy struck her head against Mrs Tabitha's nose with such violence that -the blood flowed; and Win. Jenkins was darted through a small window in -that part of the carriage next the horses, where she stuck like a bawd -in the pillory, till she was released by the hand of Mr Bramble. We -were eight miles distant from any place where we could be supplied with -chaises, and it was impossible to proceed with the coach, until the -damage should be repaired--in this dilemma, we discovered a blacksmith's -forge on the edge of a small common, about half a mile from the scene -of our disaster, and thither the postilions made shift to draw the -carriage, slowly, while the company walked a-foot; but we found the -black-smith had been dead some days; and his wife, who had been lately -delivered, was deprived of her senses, under the care of a nurse, hired -by the parish. We were exceedingly mortified at this disappointment, -which, however, was surmounted by the help of Humphry Clinker, who is a -surprising compound of genius and simplicity. Finding the tools of -the defunct, together with some coals in the smithy, he unscrewed the -damaged iron in a twinkling, and, kindling a fire, united the broken -pieces with equal dexterity and dispatch--While he was at work upon -this operation, the poor woman in the straw, struck with the well-known -sound of the hammer and anvil, started up, and, notwithstanding all the -nurse's efforts, came running into the smithy, where, throwing her arms -about Clinker's neck, 'Ah, Jacob (cried she) how could you leave me in -such a condition?' - -This incident was too pathetic to occasion mirth--it brought tears into -the eyes of all present. The poor widow was put to bed again; and we -did not leave the village without doing something for her benefit--Even -Tabitha's charity was awakened on this occasion. As for the -tender-hearted Humphry Clinker, he hammered the iron and wept at the -same time--But his ingenuity was not confined to his own province of -farrier and black-smith--It was necessary to join the leather sling, -which had been broke; and this service he likewise performed, by means -of a broken awl, which he new-pointed and ground, a little hemp, which -he spun into lingels, and a few tacks which he made for the purpose. -Upon the whole, we were in a condition to proceed in little more than -an hour; but even this delay obliged us to pass the night at -Gisborough--Next day we crossed the Tees at Stockton, which is a neat -agreeable town; and there we resolved to dine, with purpose to lie at -Durham. - -Whom should we meet in the yard, when we alighted, but Martin the -adventurer? Having handed out the ladies, and conducted them into an -apartment, where he payed his compliments to Mrs Tabby, with his usual -address, he begged leave to speak to my uncle in another room; and -there, in some confusion, he made an apology for having taken the -liberty to trouble him with a letter at Stevenage. He expressed his -hope, that Mr Bramble had bestowed some consideration on his unhappy -case, and repeated his desire of being taken into his service. - -My uncle, calling me into the room, told him, that we were both -very well inclined to rescue him from a way of life that was equally -dangerous and dishonourable; and that he should have no scruples in -trusting to his gratitude and fidelity, if he had any employment -for him, which he thought would suit his qualifications and his -circumstances; but that all the departments he had mentioned in his -letter, were filled up by persons of whose conduct he had no reason to -complain; of consequence he could not, without injustice, deprive any -one of them of his bread. Nevertheless, he declared himself ready to -assist him in any feasible project, either with his purse or credit. - -Martin seemed deeply touched at this declaration--The tear started -in his eye, while he said, in a faultering accent--'Worthy sir--your -generosity oppresses me--I never dreamed of troubling you for any -pecuniary assistance--indeed I have no occasion--I have been so lucky -at billiards and betting in different places, at Buxton, Harrigate, -Scarborough, and Newcastle races, that my stock in ready-money amounts -to three hundred pounds, which I would willingly employ, in prosecuting -some honest scheme of life; but my friend, justice Buzzard, has set -so many springs for my life, that I am under the necessity of either -retiring immediately to a remote part of the country, where I can enjoy -the protection of some generous patron, or of quitting the kingdom -altogether. It is upon this alternative that I now beg leave to ask your -advice. I have had information of all your route, since I had the honour -to see you at Stevenage; and, supposing you would come this way from -Scarborough, I came hither last night from Darlington, to pay you my -respects.' - -'It would be no difficult matter to provide you with an asylum in the -country (replied my uncle); but a life of indolence and obscurity -would not suit with your active and enterprizing disposition--I would -therefore advise you to try your fortune in the East Indies--I will -give you a letter to a friend in London, who will recommend you to the -direction, for a commission in the company's service; and if that cannot -be obtained, you will at least be received as a volunteer--in which -case, you may pay for your passage, and I shall undertake to procure you -such credentials, that you will not be long without a commission.' - -Martin embraced the proposal with great eagerness; it was therefore -resolved, that he should sell his horse, and take a passage by sea -for London, to execute the project without delay--In the mean time he -accompanied us to Durham, were we took up our quarters for the night. -Here, being furnished with letters from my uncle, he took his leave of -us, with strong symptoms of gratitude and attachment, and set out for -Sunderland, in order to embark in the first collier, bound for the -river Thames. He had not been gone half an hour, when we were joined -by another character, which promised something extraordinary--A tall, -meagre figure, answering, with his horse, the description of Don Quixote -mounted on Rozinante, appeared in the twilight at the inn door, while my -aunt and Liddy stood at a window in the dining-room--He wore a coat, -the cloth of which had once been scarlet, trimmed with Brandenburgs, now -totally deprived of their metal, and he had holstercaps and housing -of the same stuff and same antiquity. Perceiving ladies at the window -above, he endeavoured to dismount with the most graceful air he could -assume; but the ostler neglecting to hold the stirrup when he wheeled -off his right foot, and stood with his whole weight on the other, the -girth unfortunately gave way, the saddle turned, down came the cavalier -to the ground, and his hat and perriwig falling off, displayed a -head-piece of various colours, patched and plaistered in a woeful -condition--The ladies, at the window above, shrieked with affright, on -the supposition that the stranger had received some notable damages -in his fall; but the greatest injury he had sustained arose from the -dishonour of his descent, aggravated by the disgrace of exposing the -condition of his cranium; for certain plebeians that were about the -door, laughed aloud, in the belief that the captain had got either a -scald head, or a broken head, both equally opprobrious. - -He forthwith leaped up in a fury, and snatching one of his pistols, -threatened to put the ostler to death, when another squall from the -women checked his resentment. He then bowed to the window, while he -kissed the butt-end of his pistol, which he replaced; adjusted his wig -in great confusion, and led his horse into the stable--By this time I -had come to the door, and could not help gazing at the strange figure -that presented itself to my view. He would have measured above six -feet in height had he stood upright; but he stooped very much; was very -narrow in the shoulders, and very thick in the calves of his legs, which -were cased in black spatterdashes--As for his thighs, they were long -and slender, like those of a grasshopper; his face was, at least, half -a yard in length, brown and shrivelled, with projecting cheek-bones, -little grey eyes on the greenish hue, a large hook-nose, a pointed chin, -a mouth from ear to car, very ill furnished with teeth, and a high, -narrow fore-head, well furrowed with wrinkles. His horse was exactly -in the stile of its rider; a resurrection of dry bones, which (as we -afterwards learned) he valued exceedingly, as the only present he had -ever received in his life. - -Having seen this favourite steed properly accommodated in the stable, he -sent up his compliments to the ladies, begging permission to thank them -in person for the marks of concern they had shewn at his disaster in -the court yard--As the 'squire said they could not decently decline -his visit, he was shewn up stairs and paid his respects in the Scotch -dialect, with much formality 'Leddies (said he), perhaps ye may be -scandaleezed at the appearance of my heed made, when it was uncovered by -accident; but I can assure you, the condition you saw it in, is neither -the effects of diseases, nor of drunkenness: but an honest scar received -in the service of my country.' He then gave us to understand, that -having been wounded at Ticonderoga, in America, a party of Indians -rifled him, scalped him, broke his scull with the blow of a tomahawk, -and left him for dead on the field of battle; but that being afterwards -found with signs of life, he had been cured in the French hospital, -though the loss of substance could not be repaired; so that the scull -was left naked in several places, and these he covered with patches. - -There is no hold by which an Englishman is sooner taken than that of -compassion--We were immediately interested in behalf of this veteran. -Even Tabby's heart was melted; but our pity was warmed with indignation, -when we learned, that in the course of two sanguinary wars, he had been -wounded, maimed, mutilated, taken, and enslaved, without ever having -attained a higher rank than that of lieutenant--My uncle's eyes gleamed, -and his nether lip quivered, while he exclaimed, 'I vow to God, sir, -your case is a reproach to the service--The injustice you have met -with is so flagrant'--'I must crave your pardon, sir (cried the other, -interrupting him), I complain of no injustice--I purchased an ensigncy -thirty years ago; and, in the course of service rose to a lieutenant, -according to my seniority'--'But in such a length of time (resumed the -'squire), you must have seen a great many young officers put over your -head'--'Nevertheless (said he), I have no cause to murmur--They bought -their preferment with their money--I had no money to carry to market -that was my misfortune; but no body was to blame'--'What! no friend -to advance a sum of money?' (said Mr Bramble) 'Perhaps, I might have -borrowed money for the purchase of a company (answered the other); -but that loan must have been refunded; and I did not chuse to incumber -myself with a debt of a thousand pounds, to be payed from an income -of ten shillings a-day.' 'So you have spent the best part of your life -(cried Mr Bramble), your youth, your blood, and your constitution, -amidst the dangers, the difficulties, the horrors and hardships of -a war, for the consideration of three or four shillings a-day a -consideration--' 'Sir (replied the Scot, with great warmth), you are the -man that does me injustice, if you say or think I have been actuated by -any such paltry consideration--I am a gentleman; and entered the service -as other gentlemen do, with such hopes and sentiments as honourable -ambition inspires--If I have not been lucky in the lottery of life, so -neither do I think myself unfortunate--I owe to no man a farthing; I can -always command a clean shirt, a mutton-chop, and a truss of straw; and -when I die, I shall leave effects sufficient to defray the expence of my -burial.' - -My uncle assured him, he had no intention to give him the least offence, -by the observations he had made; but, on the contrary, spoke from a -sentiment of friendly regard to his interest--The lieutenant thanked -him with a stiffness of civility, which nettled our old gentleman, who -perceived that his moderation was all affected; for, whatsoever his -tongue might declare, his whole appearance denoted dissatisfaction--In -short, without pretending to judge of his military merit, I think I may -affirm, that this Caledonian is a self-conceited pedant, aukward, rude, -and disputacious--He has had the benefit of a school-education, seems -to have read a good number of books, his memory is tenacious, and he -pretends to speak several different languages; but he is so addicted to -wrangling, that he will cavil at the clearest truths, and, in the pride -of argumentation, attempt to reconcile contradictions--Whether his -address and qualifications are really of that stamp which is agreeable -to the taste of our aunt, Mrs Tabitha, or that indefatigable maiden is -determined to shoot at every sort of game, certain it is she has begun -to practice upon the heart of the lieutenant, who favoured us with his -company to supper. - -I have many other things to say of this man of war, which I shall -communicate in a post or two; mean while, it is but reasonable that you -should be indulged with some respite from those weary lucubrations of - -Yours, J. MELFORD NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE, July 10. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -In my last I treated you with a high flavoured dish, in the character -of the Scotch lieutenant, and I must present him once more for your -entertainment. It was our fortune to feed upon him the best part of -three days; and I do not doubt that he will start again in our way -before we shall have finished our northern excursion. The day after our -meeting with him at Durham proved so tempestuous that we did not choose -to proceed on our journey; and my uncle persuaded him to stay till -the weather should clear up, giving him, at the same time, a general -invitation to our mess. The man has certainly gathered a whole budget -of shrewd observations, but he brings them forth in such an ungracious -manner as would be extremely disgusting, if it was not marked by that -characteristic oddity which never fails to attract the attention--He and -Mr Bramble discoursed, and even disputed, on different subjects in war, -policy, the belles lettres, law, and metaphysics; and sometimes they -were warmed into such altercation as seemed to threaten an abrupt -dissolution of their society; but Mr Bramble set a guard over his own -irascibility, the more vigilantly as the officer was his guest; and -when, in spite of all his efforts, he began to wax warm, the other -prudently cooled in the same proportion. - -Mrs Tabitha chancing to accost her brother by the familiar diminutive -of Matt, 'Pray, sir (said the lieutenant), 'is your name Matthias?' You -must know it is one of our uncle's foibles to be ashamed of his name -Matthew, because it is puritanical; and this question chagrined him -so much, that he answered, 'No, by G-d!' in a very abrupt tone of -displeasure.--The Scot took umbrage at the manner of his reply, and -bristling up, 'If I had known (said he) that you did not care to tell -your name, I should not have asked the question--The leddy called you -Matt, and I naturally thought it was Matthias:--perhaps, it may be -Methuselah, or Metrodorus, or Metellus, or Mathurinus, or Malthinnus, or -Matamorus, or--' 'No (cried my uncle laughing), it is neither of those, -captain: my name is Matthew Bramble, at, your service.--The truth is, -have a foolish pique at the name of Matthew, because it favours of -those canting hypocrites, who, in Cromwell's time, christened all their -children by names taken from the scripture.' 'A foolish pique indeed. -(cried Mrs Tabby), and even sinful, to fall out with your name because -it is taken from holy writ.--I would have you to know, you was called -after great-uncle Matthew ap Madoc ap Meredith, esquire, of Llanwysthin, -in Montgomeryshire, justice of the quorum, and crusty ruttleorum, a -gentleman of great worth and property, descended in a strait line, by -the female side, from Llewellyn, prince of Wales.' - -This genealogical anecdote seemed to make some impression upon the -North-Briton, who bowed very low to the descendant of Llewellyn, and -observed that he himself had the honour of a scriptural nomination. The -lady expressing a desire of knowing his address, he said, he designed -himself Lieutenant Obadiah Lismahago; and in order to assist her memory, -he presented her with a slip of paper inscribed with these three words, -which she repeated with great emphasis, declaring, it was one of the -most noble and sonorous names she had ever heard. He observed that -Obadiah was an adventitious appellation, derived from his -great-grandfather, who had been one of the original covenanters; but -Lismahago was the family surname, taken from a place in Scotland so called. Helikewise dropped some hints about the antiquity of his pedigree, adding, -with a smile of self-denial, Sed genus et proavos, et quoe non fecimus -ipsi, vix ea nostra voco, which quotation he explained in deference -to the ladies; and Mrs Tabitha did not fail to compliment him on his -modesty in waving the merit of his ancestry, adding, that it was the -less necessary to him, as he had such a considerable fund of his -own. She now began to glew herself to his favour with the grossest -adulation.--She expatiated upon the antiquity and virtues of the -Scottish nation, upon their valour, probity, learning, and politeness. -She even descended to encomiums on his own personal address, his -gallantry, good sense, and erudition.--She appealed to her brother, -whether the captain was not the very image of our cousin governor -Griffith. She discovered a surprising eagerness to know the particulars -of his life, and asked a thousand questions concerning his atchievements -in war; all which Mr Lismahago answered with a sort of jesuitical -reserve, affecting a reluctance to satisfy her curiosity on a subject -that concerned his own exploits. - -By dint of her interrogations, however, we learned, that he and ensign -Murphy had made their escape from the French hospital at Montreal, and -taken to the woods, in hope of reaching some English settlement; but -mistaking their route, they fell in with a party of Miamis, who carried -them away in captivity. The intention of these Indians was to give one -of them as an adopted son to a venerable sachem, who had lost his own -in the course of the war, and to sacrifice the other according to the -custom of the country. Murphy, as being the younger and handsomer of the -two, was designed to fill the place of the deceased, not only as the -son of the sachem, but as the spouse of a beautiful squaw, to whom his -predecessor had been betrothed; but in passing through the different -whigwhams or villages of the Miamis, poor Murphy was so mangled by the -women and children, who have the privilege of torturing all prisoners -in their passage, that, by the time they arrived at the place of the -sachem's residence, he was rendered altogether unfit for the purposes of -marriage: it was determined therefore, in the assembly of the warriors, -that ensign Murphy should be brought to the stake, and that the lady -should be given to lieutenant Lismahago, who had likewise received his -share of torments, though they had not produced emasculation.--A joint -of one finger had been cut, or rather sawed off with a rusty knife; one -of his great toes was crushed into a mash betwixt two stones; some of -his teeth were drawn, or dug out with a crooked nail; splintered reeds -had been thrust up his nostrils and other tender parts; and the calves -of his legs had been blown up with mines of gunpowder dug in the flesh -with the sharp point of the tomahawk. - -The Indians themselves allowed that Murphy died with great heroism, -singing, as his death song, the Drimmendoo, in concert with Mr -Lismahago, who was present at the solemnity. After the warriors and the -matrons had made a hearty meal upon the muscular flesh which they pared -from the victim, and had applied a great variety of tortures, which he -bore without flinching, an old lady, with a sharp knife, scooped out -one of his eyes, and put a burning coal in the socket. The pain of this -operation was so exquisite that he could not help bellowing, upon which -the audience raised a shout of exultation, and one of the warriors -stealing behind him, gave him the coup de grace with a hatchet. - -Lismahago's bride, the squaw Squinkinacoosta, distinguished herself on -this occasion.--She shewed a great superiority of genius in the tortures -which she contrived and executed with her own hands.--She vied with the -stoutest warrior in eating the flesh of the sacrifice; and after all -the other females were fuddled with dram-drinking, she was not so -intoxicated but that she was able to play the game of the platter with -the conjuring sachem, and afterwards go through the ceremony of her own -wedding, which was consummated that same evening. The captain had lived -very happily with this accomplished squaw for two years, during which -she bore him a son, who is now the representative of his mother's tribe; -but, at length, to his unspeakable grief, she had died of a fever, -occasioned by eating too much raw bear, which they had killed in a -hunting excursion. - -By this time, Mr Lismahago was elected sachem, acknowledged first -warrior of the Badger tribe, and dignified with the name or epithet of -Occacanastaogarora, which signifies nimble as a weasel; but all these -advantages and honours he was obliged to resign, in consequence of being -exchanged for the orator of the community, who had been taken prisoner -by the Indians that were in alliance with the English. At the peace, he -had sold out upon half pay, and was returned to Britain, with a view -to pass the rest of his life in his own country, where he hoped to -find some retreat where his slender finances would afford him a decent -subsistence. Such are the outlines of Mr Lismahago's history, to which -Tabitha did seriously incline her ear;--indeed, she seemed to be taken -with the same charms that captivated the heart of Desdemona, who loved -the Moor for the dangers he had past. - -The description of poor Murphy's sufferings, which threw my sister Liddy -into a swoon, extracted some sighs from the breast of Mrs Tabby: when -she understood he had been rendered unfit for marriage, she began to -spit, and ejaculated, 'Jesus, what cruel barbarians!' and she made wry -faces at the lady's nuptial repast; but she was eagerly curious to know -the particulars of her marriage-dress; whether she wore high-breasted -stays or bodice, a robe of silk or velvet, and laces of Mechlin or -minionette--she supposed, as they were connected with the French, -she used rouge, and had her hair dressed in the Parisian fashion. The -captain would have declined giving a catagorical explanation of all -these particulars, observing, in general, that the Indians were -too tenacious of their own customs to adopt the modes of any nation -whatsoever; he said, moreover, that neither the simplicity of their -manners nor the commerce of their country, would admit of those articles -of luxury which are deemed magnificence in Europe; and that they were -too virtuous and sensible to encourage the introduction of any fashion -which might help to render them corrupt and effeminate. - -These observations served only to inflame her desire of knowing the -particulars about which she had enquired; and, with all his evasion, -he could not help discovering the following circumstances--that -his princess had neither shoes, stockings, shift, nor any kind of -linen--that her bridal dress consisted of a petticoat of red bays, and a -fringed blanket, fastened about her shoulders with a copper skewer; but -of ornaments she had great plenty.--Her hair was curiously plaited, and -interwoven with bobbins of human bone--one eye-lid was painted green, -and the other yellow; the cheeks were blue, the lips white, the teeth -red, and there was a black list drawn down the middle of the forehead -as far as the tip of the nose--a couple of gaudy parrot's feathers were -stuck through the division of the nostrils--there was a blue stone set -in the chin, her ear-rings consisted of two pieces of hickery, of the -size and shape of drum-sticks--her arms and legs were adorned with -bracelets of wampum--her breast glittered with numerous strings of glass -beads--she wore a curious pouch, or pocket of woven grass, elegantly -painted with various colours--about her neck was hung the fresh scalp -of a Mohawk warrior, whom her deceased lover had lately slain in -battle--and, finally, she was anointed from head to foot with bear's -grease, which sent forth a most agreeable odour. - -One would imagine that these paraphernalia would not have been much -admired by a modern fine lady; but Mrs Tabitha was resolved to approve -of all the captains connexions.--She wished, indeed, the squaw had been -better provided with linen; but she owned there was much taste and -fancy in her ornaments; she made no doubt, therefore, that madam -Squinkinacoosta was a young lady of good sense and rare accomplishments, -and a good christian at bottom. Then she asked whether his consort had -been high church or low-church, presbyterian or anabaptist, or had been -favoured with any glimmering of the new light of the gospel? When he -confessed that she and her whole nation were utter strangers to the -christian faith, she gazed at him with signs of astonishment, and -Humphry Clinker, who chanced to be in the room, uttered a hollow groan. - -After some pause, 'In the name of God, captain Lismahago (cried she), -what religion do they profess?' 'As to religion, madam (answered -the lieutenant), it is among those Indians a matter of great -simplicity--they never heard of any Alliance between Church and -State.--They, in general, worship two contending principles; one the -Fountain of all Good, the other the source of all evil. The common -people there, as in other countries, run into the absurdities of -superstition; but sensible men pay adoration to a Supreme Being, who -created and sustains the universe.' 'O! what pity (exclaimed the pious -Tabby), that some holy man has not been inspired to go and convert these -poor heathens!' - -The lieutenant told her, that while he resided among them, two French -missionaries arrived, in order to convert them to the catholic religion; -but when they talked of mysteries and revelations, which they could -neither explain nor authenticate, and called in the evidence of miracles -which they believed upon hearsay; when they taught that the Supreme -Creator of Heaven and Earth had allowed his only Son, his own equal in -power and glory, to enter the bowels of a woman, to be born as a -human creature, to be insulted, flagellated, and even executed as a -malefactor; when they pretended to create God himself, to swallow, -digest, revive, and multiply him ad infinitum, by the help of a little -flour and water, the Indians were shocked at the impiety of their -presumption.--They were examined by the assembly of the sachems -who desired them to prove the divinity of their mission by some -miracle.--They answered, that it was not in their power.--'If you were -really sent by Heaven for our conversion (said one of the sachems), you -would certainly have some supernatural endowments, at least you would -have the gift of tongues, in order to explain your doctrine to the -different nations among which you are employed; but you are so ignorant -of our language, that you cannot express yourselves even on the most -trifling subjects.' In a word, the assembly were convinced of their -being cheats, and even suspected them of being spies: they ordered them -a bag of Indian corn apiece, and appointed a guide to conduct them to -the frontiers; but the missionaries having more zeal than discretion, -refused to quit the vineyard.--They persisted in saying mass, in -preaching, baptizing, and squabbling with the conjurers, or priests -of the country, till they had thrown the whole community into -confusion.--Then the assembly proceeded to try them as impious -impostors, who represented the Almighty as a trifling, weak, capricious -being, and pretended to make, unmake, and reproduce him at pleasure; -they were, therefore, convicted of blasphemy and sedition, and condemned -to the stale, where they died singing Salve regina, in a rapture of joy, -for the crown of martyrdom which they had thus obtained. - -In the course of this conversation, lieutenant Lismahago dropt some -hints by which it appeared he himself was a free-thinker. Our aunt -seemed to be startled at certain sarcasms he threw out against the creed -of saint Athanasius--He dwelt much upon the words, reason, philosophy, -and contradiction in terms--he bid defiance to the eternity of -hell-fire; and even threw such squibs at the immortality of the soul, as -singed a little the whiskers of Mrs Tabitha's faith; for, by this -time she began to look upon Lismahago as a prodigy of learning and -sagacity.--In short, he could be no longer insensible to the advances -she made towards his affection; and although there was something -repulsive in his nature, he overcame it so far as to make some return -to her civilities.--Perhaps, he thought it would be no bad scheme, in -a superannuated lieutenant on half-pay, to effect a conjunction with an -old maid, who, in all probability, had fortune enough to keep him easy -and comfortable in the fag-end of his days--An ogling correspondence -forthwith commenced between this amiable pair of originals--He began -to sweeten the natural acidity of his discourse with the treacle of -compliment and commendation--He from time to time offered her snuff, of -which he himself took great quantities, and even made her a present of a -purse of silk grass, woven by the hands of the amiable Squinkinacoosta, -who had used it as a shot-pouch in her hunting expeditions. - -From Doncaster northwards, all the windows of all the inns are scrawled -with doggeral rhimes, in abuse of the Scotch nation; and what surprised -me very much, I did not perceive one line written in the way of -recrimination--Curious to hear what Lismahago would say on this subject, -I pointed out to him a very scurrilous epigram against his countrymen, -which was engraved on one of the windows of the parlour where we -sat.--He read it with the most starched composure; and when I asked his -opinion of the poetry, 'It is vara terse and vara poignant (said he); -but with the help of a wat dish-clout, it might be rendered more clear -and parspicuous.--I marvel much that some modern wit has not published a -collection of these essays under the title of the Glaziers Triumph over -Sawney the Scot--I'm persuaded it would be a vara agreeable offering to -the patriots of London and Westminster.' When I expressed some surprize -that the natives of Scotland, who travel this way, had not broke all the -windows upon the road, 'With submission (replied the lieutenant), that -were but shallow policy--it would only serve to make the satire more -cutting and severe; and I think it is much better to let it stand in the -window, than have it presented in the reckoning.' - -My uncle's jaws began to quiver with indignation.--He said, the -scribblers of such infamous stuff deserved to be scourged at the cart's -tail for disgracing their country with such monuments of malice and -stupidity.--'These vermin (said he) do not consider, that they are -affording their fellow subjects, whom they abuse, continual matter -of self-gratulation, as well as the means of executing the most manly -vengeance that can be taken for such low, illiberal attacks. For my -part, I admire the philosophic forbearance of the Scots, as much as I -despise the insolence of those wretched libellers, which is akin to -the arrogance of the village cock, who never crows but upon his own -dunghill.' The captain, with an affectation of candour, observed, that -men of illiberal minds were produced in every soil; that in supposing -those were the sentiments of the English in general, he should pay -too great a compliment to is own country, which was not of consequence -enough to attract the envy of such a flourishing and powerful people. - -Mrs Tabby broke forth again in praise of his moderation, and declared -that Scotland was the soil which produced every virtue under heaven. -When Lismahago took his leave for the night, she asked her brother -if the captain was not the prettiest gentleman he had ever seen; and -whether there was not something wonderfully engaging in his aspect?--Mr -Bramble having eyed her sometime in silence, 'Sister (said he), the -lieutenant is, for aught I know, an honest man and a good officer--he -has a considerable share of understanding, and a title to more -encouragement than he seems to have met with in life; but I cannot, with -a safe conscience, affirm, that he is the prettiest gentleman I ever -saw; neither can I descern any engaging charm in his countenance, which, -I vow to God, is, on the contrary, very hard-favoured and forbidding.' - -I have endeavoured to ingratiate myself with this North-Briton, who is -really a curiosity; but he has been very shy of my conversation ever -since I laughed at his asserting that the English tongue was spoke with -more propriety at Edinburgh than at London. Looking at me with a double -squeeze of souring in his aspect, 'If the old definition be true (said -he), that risibility is the distinguishing characteristic of a rational -creature, the English are the most distinguished for rationality of any -people I ever knew.' I owned, that the English were easily struck with -any thing that appeared ludicrous, and apt to laugh accordingly; but it -did not follow, that, because they were more given to laughter, they had -more rationality than their neighbours: I said, such an inference -would be an injury to the Scots, who were by no means defective in -rationality, though generally supposed little subject to the impressions -of humour. - -The captain answered, that this supposition must have been deduced -either from their conversation or their compositions, of which the -English could not possibly judge with precision, as they did not -understand the dialect used by the Scots in common discourse, as well -as in their works of humour. When I desired to know what those works -of humour were, he mentioned a considerable number of pieces, which -he insisted were equal in point of humour to any thing extant in any -language dead or living--He, in particular, recommended a collection of -detached poems, in two small volumes, intituled, The Ever-Green, and -the works of Allan Ramsay, which I intend to provide myself with at -Edinburgh.--He observed, that a North-Briton is seen to a disadvantage -in an English company, because he speaks in a dialect that they can't -relish, and in a phraseology which they don't understand.--He therefore -finds himself under a restraint, which is a great enemy to wit and -humour.--These are faculties which never appear in full lustre, but when -the mind is perfectly at ease, and, as an excellent writer says, enjoys -her elbow-room. - -He proceeded to explain his assertion that the English language was -spoken with greater propriety at Edinburgh than in London. He said, what -we generally called the Scottish dialect was, in fact, true, genuine old -English, with a mixture of some French terms and idioms, adopted in a -long intercourse betwixt the French and Scotch nations; that the modern -English, from affectation and false refinement, had weakened, and even -corrupted their language, by throwing out the guttural sounds, altering -the pronunciation and the quantity, and disusing many words and terms -of great significance. In consequence of these innovations, the works -of our best poets, such as Chaucer, Spenser, and even Shakespeare, were -become, in many parts, unintelligible to the natives of South Britain, -whereas the Scots, who retain the antient language, understand them -without the help of a glossary. 'For instance (said he), how have -your commentators been puzzled by the following expression in the -Tempest--He's gentle and not fearful: as if it was a paralogism to say, -that being gentle, he must of course be courageous: but the truth is, -one of the original meanings, if not the sole meaning, of that word was, -noble, high-minded; and to this day, a Scotch woman, in the situation of -the young lady in the Tempest, would express herself nearly in the same -terms--Don't provoke him; for being gentle, that is, high-spirited, he -won't tamely bear an insult. Spenser, in the very first stanza of his -Fairy Queen, says, - - A gentle knight was pricking on the plain; - Which knight, far from being tame and fearful, was so stout that - Nothing did he dread, but ever was ydrad. - -To prove that we had impaired the energy of our language by false -refinement, he mentioned the following words, which, though widely -different in signification, are pronounced exactly in the same manner -wright, write, right, rite; but among the Scots, these words are as -different in pronunciation, as they are in meaning and orthography; -and this is the case with many others which he mentioned by way of -illustration.--He, moreover, took notice, that we had (for what reason -he could never learn) altered the sound of our vowels from that which is -retained by all the nations in Europe; an alteration which rendered -the language extremely difficult to foreigners, and made it -almost impracticable to lay down general rules for orthography and -pronunciation. Besides, the vowels were no longer simple sounds in -the mouth of an Englishman, who pronounced both i and u as dipthongs. -Finally, he affirmed, that we mumbled our speech with our lips and -teeth, and ran the words together without pause or distinction, in such -a manner, that a foreigner, though he understood English tolerably well, -was often obliged to have recourse to a Scotchman to explain what a -native of England had said in his own language. - -The truth of this remark was confirmed by Mr Bramble from his own -experience; but he accounted for it on another principle. He said, -the same observation would hold in all languages; that a Swiss talking -French was more easily understood than a Parisian, by a foreigner who -had not made himself master of the language; because every language -had its peculiar recitative, and it would always require more pains, -attention, and practice, to acquire both the words and the music, than -to learn the words only; and yet no body would deny, that the one -was imperfect without the other: he therefore apprehended, that the -Scotchman and the Swiss were better understood by learners, because they -spoke the words only, without the music, which they could not rehearse. -One would imagine this check might have damped the North Briton; but it -served only to agitate his humour for disputation.--He said, if every -nation had its own recitative or music, the Scots had theirs, and the -Scotchman who had not yet acquired the cadence of the English, would -naturally use his own in speaking their language; therefore, if he -was better understood than the native, his recitative must be more -intelligible than that of the English; of consequence, the dialect of -the Scots had an advantage over that of their fellow-subjects, and this -was another strong presumption that the modern English had corrupted -their language in the article of pronunciation. - -The lieutenant was, by this time, become so polemical, that every time -he opened his mouth out flew a paradox, which he maintained with all the -enthusiasm of altercation; but all his paradoxes favoured strong of a -partiality for his own country. He undertook to prove that poverty was -a blessing to a nation; that oatmeal was preferable to wheat-flour; and -that the worship of Cloacina, in temples which admitted both sexes, and -every rank of votaries promiscuously, was a filthy species of idolatry -that outraged every idea of delicacy and decorum. I did not so much -wonder at his broaching these doctrines, as at the arguments, equally -whimsical and ingenious, which he adduced in support of them. - -In fine, lieutenant Lismahago is a curiosity which I have not yet -sufficiently perused; and therefore I shall be sorry when we lose his -company, though, God knows, there is nothing very amiable in his manner -or disposition.--As he goes directly to the south-west division of -Scotland, and we proceed in the road to Berwick, we shall part tomorrow -at a place called Feltonbridge; and, I dare say, this separation will -be very grievous to our aunt Mrs Tabitha, unless she has received some -flattering assurance of his meeting her again. If I fail in my purpose -of entertaining you with these unimportant occurrences, they will at -least serve as exercises of patience, for which you are indebted to - - -Yours always, J. MELFORD MORPETH, July 13. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -I have now reached the northern extremity of England, and see, close to -my chamber-window, the Tweed gliding through the arches of that bridge -which connects this suburb to the town of Berwick.--Yorkshire you have -seen, and therefore I shall say nothing of that opulent province. -The city of Durham appears like a confused heap of stones and brick, -accumulated so as to cover a mountain, round which a river winds its -brawling course. The Streets are generally narrow, dark, and unpleasant, -and many of them almost impassible in consequence of their declivity. -The cathedral is a huge gloomy pile; but the clergy are well lodged.-- -The bishop lives in a princely manner--the golden prebends keep -plentiful tables--and, I am told, there is some good sociable company in -the place; but the country, when viewed from the top of Gateshead-Fell, -which extends to Newcastle, exhibits the highest scene of cultivation -that ever I beheld. As for Newcastle, it lies mostly in a bottom, on the -banks of the Tyne, and makes an appearance still more disagreeable than -that of Durham; but it is rendered populous and rich by industry and -commerce; and the country lying on both sides the river, above the town, -yields a delightful prospect of agriculture and plantation. Morpeth and -Alnwick are neat, pretty towns, and this last is famous for the castle -which has belonged so many ages to the noble house of Piercy, earls of -Northumberland.--It is, doubtless, a large edifice, containing a great -number of apartments, and stands in a commanding situation; but the -strength of it seems to have consisted not so much in its site, or the -manner in which it is fortified, as in the valour of its defendants. - -Our adventures since we left Scarborough, are scarce worth reciting; -and yet I must make you acquainted with my sister Tabby's progress in -husband-hunting, after her disappointments at Bath and London. She had -actually begun to practise upon a certain adventurer, who was in fact -a highwayman by profession; but he had been used to snares much more -dangerous than any she could lay, and escaped accordingly. Then she -opened her batteries upon an old weather-beaten Scotch lieutenant, -called Lismahago, who joined us at Durham, and is, I think, one of the -most singular personages I ever encountered--His manner is as harsh -as his countenance; but his peculiar turn of thinking, and his pack of -knowledge made up of the remnants of rarities, rendered his conversation -desirable, in spite of his pedantry and ungracious address. I have often -met with a crab-apple in a hedge, which I have been tempted to eat for -its flavour, even while I was disgusted by its austerity. The spirit of -contradiction is naturally so strong in Lismahago, that I believe in -my conscience he has rummaged, and read, and studied with indefatigable -attention, in order to qualify himself to refute established maxims, and -thus raise trophies for the gratification of polemical pride.--Such is -the asperity of his self-conceit, that he will not even acquiesce in a -transient compliment made to his own individual in particular, or to his -country in general. - -When I observed, that he must have read a vast number of books to be -able to discourse on such a variety of subjects, he declared he had read -little or nothing, and asked how he should find books among the woods -of America, where he had spent the greatest part of his life. My nephew -remarking that the Scots in general were famous for their learning, he -denied the imputation, and defied him to prove it from their works--'The -Scots (said he) have a slight tincture of letters, with which they make -a parade among people who are more illiterate than themselves; but they -may be said to float on the surface of science, and they have made very -small advances in the useful arts.' 'At least (cried Tabby), all -the world allows that the Scots behaved gloriously in fighting and -conquering the savages of America.' 'I can assure you, madam, you have -been misinformed (replied the lieutenant); in that continent the -Scots did nothing more than their duty, nor was there one corps in his -majesty's service that distinguished itself more than another.--Those -who affected to extol the Scots for superior merit, were no friends to -that nation.' - -Though he himself made free with his countrymen, he would not suffer -any other person to glance a sarcasm at them with impunity. One of the -company chancing to mention lord B--'s inglorious peace, the lieutenant -immediately took up the cudgels in his lordship's favour, and -argued very strenuously to prove that it was the most honourable and -advantageous peace that England had ever made since the foundation of -the monarchy.--Nay, between friends, he offered such reasons on this -subject, that I was really confounded, if not convinced.--He would not -allow that the Scots abounded above their proportion in the army and -navy of Great-Britain, or that the English had any reason to say his -countrymen had met with extraordinary encouragement in the service. -'When a South and North-Briton (said he) are competitors for a place -or commission, which is in the disposal of an English minister or an -English general, it would be absurd to suppose that the preference will -not be given to the native of England, who has so many advantages over -his rival.--First and foremost, he has in his favour that laudable -partiality, which, Mr Addison says, never fails to cleave to the heart -of an Englishman; secondly, he has more powerful connexions, and a -greater share of parliamentary interest, by which those contests are -generally decided; and lastly, he has a greater command of money to -smooth the way to his success. For my own part (said he), I know no -Scotch officer, who has risen in the army above the rank of a subaltern, -without purchasing every degree of preferment either with money or -recruits; but I know many gentlemen of that country, who, for want of -money and interest, have grown grey in the rank of lieutenants; whereas -very few instances of this ill-fortune are to be found among the natives -of South-Britain.--Not that I would insinuate that my countrymen have -the least reason to complain. Preferment in the service, like success -in any other branch of traffic, will naturally favour those who have -the greatest stock of cash and credit, merit and capacity being supposed -equal on all sides.' - -But the most hardy of all this original's positions were these: That -commerce would, sooner or later, prove the ruin of every nation, where -it flourishes to any extent--that the parliament was the rotten part of -the British constitution--that the liberty of the press was a national -evil--and that the boasted institution of juries, as managed in England, -was productive of shameful perjury and flagrant injustice. He observed, -that traffick was an enemy to all the liberal passions of the soul, -founded on the thirst of lucre, a sordid disposition to take advantage -of the necessities of our fellow creatures.--He affirmed, the nature -of commerce was such, that it could not be fixed or perpetuated, but, -having flowed to a certain height, would immediately begin to ebb, and -so continue till the channels should be left almost dry; but there -was no instance of the tide's rising a second time to any considerable -influx in the same nation. Mean while the sudden affluence occasioned -by trade, forced open all the sluices of luxury and overflowed the land -with every species of profligacy and corruption; a total pravity of -manners would ensue, and this must be attended with bankruptcy and ruin. -He observed of the parliament, that the practice of buying boroughs, -and canvassing for votes, was an avowed system of venality, already -established on the ruins of principle, integrity, faith, and good order, -in consequence of which the elected and the elector, and, in short, the -whole body of the people, were equally and universally contaminated and -corrupted. He affirmed, that of a parliament thus constituted, the crown -would always have influence enough to secure a great majority in its -dependence, from the great number of posts, places, and pensions it -had to bestow; that such a parliament would (as it had already done) -lengthen the term of its sitting and authority, whenever the prince -should think it for his interest to continue the representatives, for, -without doubt, they had the same right to protect their authority ad -infinitum, as they had to extend it from three to seven years.--With a -parliament, therefore, dependent upon the crown, devoted to the prince, -and supported by a standing army, garbled and modelled for the purpose, -any king of England may, and probably some ambitious sovereign will, -totally overthrow all the bulwarks of the constitution; for it is not -to be supposed that a prince of high spirit will tamely submit to be -thwarted in all his measures, abused and insulted by a populace of -unbridled ferocity, when he has it in his power to crush all opposition -under his feet with the concurrence of the legislature. He said, he -should always consider the liberty of the press as a national evil, -while it enabled the vilest reptile to soil the lustre of the most -shining merit, and furnished the most infamous incendiary with the means -of disturbing the peace and destroying the good order of the community. -He owned, however, that under due restrictions, it would be a valuable -privilege; but affirmed, that at present there was no law in England -sufficient to restrain it within proper bounds. - -With respect to juries, he expressed himself to this effect:--juries -are generally composed of illiterate plebeians, apt to be mistaken, -easily misled, and open to sinister influence; for if either of the -parties to be tried, can gain over one of the twelve jurors, he has -secured the verdict in his favour; the juryman thus brought over will, -in despight of all evidence and conviction, generally hold out till his -fellows are fatigued, and harassed, and starved into concurrence; in -which case the verdict is unjust, and the jurors are all perjured: but -cases will often occur, when the jurors are really divided in opinion, -and each side is convinced in opposition to the other; but no verdict -will be received, unless they are unanimous, and they are all bound, not -only in conscience, but by oath, to judge and declare according to their -conviction.--What then will be the consequence?--They must either -starve in company, or one side must sacrifice their conscience to their -convenience, and join in a verdict which they believe to be false. This -absurdity is avoided in Sweden, where a bare majority is sufficient; and -in Scotland, where two thirds of the jury are required to concur in the -verdict. - -You must not imagine that all these deductions were made on his part, -without contradictions on mine.--No--the truth is, I found myself piqued -in point of honour, at his pretending to be so much wiser than his -neighbours.--I questioned all his assertions, started innumerable -objections, argued and wrangled with uncommon perseverance, and grew -very warm, and even violent, in the debate.--Sometimes he was puzzled, -and once or twice, I think, fairly refuted; but from those falls he rose -again, like Antaeus, with redoubled vigour, till at length I was tired, -exhausted, and really did not know how to proceed, when luckily he -dropped a hint, by which he discovered he had been bred to the law; -a confession which enabled me to retire from the dispute with a good -grace, as it could not be supposed that a man like me, who had been bred -to nothing, should be able to cope with a veteran in his own profession. -I believe, however, that I shall for some time continue to chew the cud -of reflection upon many observations which this original discharged. - -Whether our sister Tabby was really struck with his conversation, or is -resolved to throw at every thing she meets in the shape of a man, till -she can fasten the matrimonial noose, certain it is, she has taken -desperate strides towards the affection of Lismahago, who cannot be said -to have met her half way, though he does not seem altogether insensible -to her civilities.--She insinuated more than once how happy we should be -to have his company through that part of Scotland which we proposed -to visit, till at length he plainly told us, that his road was totally -different from that which we intended to take; that, for his part, his -company would be of very little service to us in our progress, as he was -utterly unacquainted with the country, which he had left in his early -youth, consequently, he could neither direct us in our enquiries, nor -introduce us to any family of distinction. He said, he was stimulated -by an irresistible impulse to revisit the paternus lar, or patria domus, -though he expected little satisfaction, inasmuch as he understood that -his nephew, the present possessor, was but ill qualified to support the -honour of the family.--He assured us, however, as we design to return by -the west road, that he will watch our motions, and endeavour to pay his -respects to us at Dumfries.--Accordingly he took his leave of us at a -place half way betwixt Morpeth and Alnwick, and pranced away in great -state, mounted on a tall, meagre, raw-boned, shambling grey gelding, -without e'er a tooth in his head, the very counter-part of the rider; -and, indeed, the appearance of the two was so picturesque, that I would -give twenty guineas to have them tolerably presented on canvas. - -Northumberland is a fine county, extending to the Tweed, which is a -pleasant pastoral stream; but you will be surprised when I tell you -that the English side of that river is neither so well cultivated nor -so populous as the other.--The farms are thinly scattered, the lands -uninclosed, and scarce a gentleman's seat is to be seen in some miles -from the Tweed; whereas the Scots are advanced in crowds to the very -brink of the river, so that you may reckon above thirty good houses, in -the compass of a few miles, belonging to proprietors whose ancestors had -fortified castles in the same situations, a circumstance that shews what -dangerous neighbours the Scots must have formerly been to the northern -counties of England. - -Our domestic oeconomy continues on the old footing.--My sister Tabby -still adheres to methodism, and had the benefit of a sermon at Wesley's -meeting in Newcastle; but I believe the Passion of love has in some -measure abated the fervour of devotion both in her and her woman, -Mrs Jenkins, about whose good graces there has been a violent contest -betwixt my nephew's valet, Mr Dutton, and my man, Humphry Clinker.--Jery -has been obliged to interpose his authority to keep the peace, and to -him I have left the discussion of that important affair, which had like -to have kindled the flames of discord in the family of - -Yours always, MATT. BRAMBLE TWEEDMOUTH, July 15. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -In my two last you had so much of Lismahago, that I suppose you are -glad he is gone off the stage for the present.--I must now descend -to domestic occurrences.--Love, it seems, is resolved to assert his -dominion over all the females of our family.--After having practised -upon poor Liddy's heart, and played strange vagaries with our aunt -Mrs Tabitha, he began to run riot in the affections of her woman, Mrs -Winifred Jenkins, whom I have had occasion to mention more than once in -the course of our memoirs. Nature intended Jenkins for something very -different from the character of her mistress; yet custom and habit have -effected a wonderful resemblance betwixt them in many particulars. Win, -to be sure, is much younger and more agreeable in her person; she is -likewise tender-hearted and benevolent, qualities for which her mistress -is by no means remarkable, no more than she is for being of a timorous -disposition, and much subject to fits of the mother, which are the -infirmities of Win's constitution: but then she seems to have adopted -Mrs Tabby's manner with her cast cloaths.--She dresses and endeavours -to look like her mistress, although her own looks are much more -engaging.--She enters into her scheme of oeconomy, learns her phrases, -repeats her remarks, imitates her stile in scolding the inferior -servants, and, finally, subscribes implicitly to her system of -devotion.--This, indeed, she found the more agreeable, as it was in a -great measure introduced and confirmed by the ministry of Clinker, -with whose personal merit she seems to have been struck ever since he -exhibited the pattern of his naked skin at Marlborough. - -Nevertheless, though Humphry had this double hank upon her inclinations, -and exerted all his power to maintain the conquest he had made, he found -it impossible to guard it on the side of vanity, where poor Win was as -frail as any female in the kingdom. In short, my rascal Dutton professed -himself her admirer, and, by dint of his outlandish qualifications, -threw his rival Clinker out of the saddle of her heart. Humphry may be -compared to an English pudding, composed of good wholesome flour and -suet, and Dutton to a syllabub or iced froth, which, though agreeable -to the taste, has nothing solid or substantial. The traitor not only -dazzled her, with his second-hand finery, but he fawned, and flattered, -and cringed--he taught her to take rappee, and presented her with -a snuff-box of papier mache--he supplied her with a powder for her -teeth--he mended her complexion, and he dressed her hair in the Paris -fashion--he undertook to be her French master and her dancing-master, -as well as friseur, and thus imperceptibly wound himself into her good -graces. Clinker perceived the progress he had made, and repined in -secret.--He attempted to open her eyes in the way of exhortation, and -finding it produced no effect had recourse to prayer. At Newcastle, -while he attended Mrs Tabby to the methodist meeting his rival -accompanied Mrs Jenkins to the play. He was dressed in a silk coat, made -at Paris for his former master, with a tawdry waistcoat of tarnished -brocade; he wore his hair in a great bag with a huge solitaire, and a -long sword dangled from his thigh. The lady was all of a flutter with -faded lutestring, washed gauze, and ribbons three times refreshed; but -she was most remarkable for the frisure of her head, which rose, like -a pyramid, seven inches above the scalp, and her face was primed and -patched from the chin up to the eyes; nay, the gallant himself had -spared neither red nor white in improving the nature of his own -complexion. In this attire, they walked together through the high street -to the theatre, and as they passed for players ready dressed for -acting, they reached it unmolested; but as it was still light when they -returned, and by that time the people had got information of their real -character and condition, they hissed and hooted all the way, and Mrs -Jenkins was all bespattered with dirt, as well as insulted with -the opprobrious name of painted Jezabel, so that her fright and -mortification threw her into an hysteric fit the moment she came home. - -Clinker was so incensed at Dutton, whom he considered as the cause of -her disgrace, that he upbraided him severely for having turned the -poor woman's brain. The other affected to treat him with contempt, and -mistaking his forbearance for want of courage, threatened to horse-whip -him into good manners. Humphry then came to me, humbly begging I -would give him leave to chastise my servant for his insolence--'He has -challenged me to fight him at sword's point (said he); but I might as -well challenge him to make a horse-shoe, or a plough iron; for I know no -more of the one than he does of the other.--Besides, it doth not become -servants to use those weapons, or to claim the privilege of gentlemen -to kill one another when they fall out; moreover, I would not have -his blood upon my conscience for ten thousand times the profit or -satisfaction I should get by his death; but if your honour won't be -angry, I'll engage to gee 'en a good drubbing, that, may hap, will do -'en service, and I'll take care it shall do 'en no harm.' I said, I had -no objection to what he proposed, provided he could manage matters so as -not to be found the aggressor, in case Dutton should prosecute him for -an assault and battery. - -Thus licensed, he retired; and that same evening easily provoked -his rival to strike the first blow, which Clinker returned with such -interest that he was obliged to call for quarter, declaring, at the same -time, that he would exact severe and bloody satisfaction the moment we -should pass the border, when he could run him through the body without -fear of the consequence.--This scene passed in presence of lieutenant -Lismahago, who encouraged Clinker to hazard a thrust of cold iron with -his antagonist. 'Cold iron (cried Humphry) I shall never use against -the life of any human creature; but I am so far from being afraid of -his cold iron, that I shall use nothing in my defence but a good cudgel, -which shall always be at his service.' In the mean time, the fair -cause of this contest, Mrs Winifred Jenkins, seemed overwhelmed with -affliction, and Mr Clinker acted much on the reserve, though he did not -presume to find fault with her conduct. - -The dispute between the two rivals was soon brought to a very unexpected -issue. Among our fellow-lodgers at Berwick, was a couple from London, -bound to Edinburgh, on the voyage of matrimony. The female was the -daughter and heiress of a pawnbroker deceased, who had given her -guardians the slip, and put herself under the tuition of a tall -Hibernian, who had conducted her thus far in quest of a clergyman to -unite them in marriage, without the formalities required by the law -of England. I know not how the lover had behaved on the road, so as to -decline in the favour of his inamorata; but, in all probability, Dutton -perceived a coldness on her side, which encouraged him to whisper, -it was a pity she should have cast affections upon a taylor, which he -affirmed the Irishman to be. This discovery completed her disgust, of -which my man taking the advantage, began to recommend himself to her -good graces, and the smooth-tongued rascal found no difficulty to -insinuate himself into the place of her heart, from which the other had -been discarded--Their resolution was immediately taken. In the morning, -before day, while poor Teague lay snoring a-bed, his indefatigable rival -ordered a post-chaise, and set out with the lady for Coldstream, a few -miles up the Tweed, where there was a parson who dealt in this branch of -commerce, and there they were noosed, before the Irishman ever dreamt -of the matter. But when he got up at six o'clock, and found the bird was -flown, he made such a noise as alarmed the whole house. One of the first -persons he encountered, was the postilion returned from Coldstream, -where he had been witness to the marriage, and over and above an -handsome gratuity, had received a bride's favour, which he now wore in -his cap--When the forsaken lover understood they were actually married, -and set out for London; and that Dutton had discovered to the lady, that -he (the Hibernian) was a taylor, he had like to have run distracted. He -tore the ribbon from the fellow's cap, and beat it about his ears. -He swore he would pursue him to the gates of hell, and ordered -a post-chaise and four to be got ready as soon as possible; but, -recollecting that his finances would not admit of this way of -travelling, he was obliged to countermand this order. - -For my part, I knew nothing at all of what had happened, till the -postilion brought me the keys of my trunk and portmanteau, which he had -received from Dutton, who sent me his respects, hoping I would excuse -him for his abrupt departure, as it was a step upon which his fortune -depended. Before I had time to make my uncle acquainted with this -event, the Irishman burst into my chamber, without any introduction, -exclaiming,--'By my soul, your sarvant has robbed me of five -thousand pounds, and I'll have satisfaction, if I should be hanged -tomorrow.'--When I asked him who he was, 'My name (said he) is Master -Macloughlin but it should be Leighlin Oneale, for I am come from -Tir-Owen the Great; and so I am as good a gentleman as any in Ireland; -and that rogue, your sarvant, said I was a taylor, which was as big -a lie as if he had called me the pope--I'm a man of fortune, and have -spent all I had; and so being in distress, Mr Coshgrave, the fashioner -in Shuffolk-street, tuck me out, and made me his own private shecretary: -by the same token, I was the last he bailed; for his friends obliged him -to tie himself up, that he would bail no more above ten pounds; for why, -becaase as how, he could not refuse any body that asked, and therefore -in time would have robbed himself of his whole fortune, and, if he had -lived long at that rate, must have died bankrupt very soon and so I -made my addresses to Miss Skinner, a young lady of five thousand pounds -fortune, who agreed to take me for better nor worse; and, to be sure, -this day would have put me in possession, if it had not been for that -rogue, your sarvant, who came like a tief, and stole away my property, -and made her believe I was a taylor; and that she was going to marry the -ninth part of a man: but the devil burn my soul, if ever I catch him on -the mountains of Tulloghobegly, if I don't shew him that I'm nine times -as good a man as he, or e'er a bug of his country.' - -When he had rung out his first alarm, I told him I was sorry he had -allowed himself to be so jockied; but it was no business of mine; and -that the fellow who robbed him of his bride, had likewise robbed me of -my servant--'Didn't I tell you then (cried he) that Rogue was his true -Christian name.--Oh if I had but one fair trust with him upon the sod, -I'd give him lave to brag all the rest of his life.' - -My uncle hearing the noise, came in, and being informed of this -adventure, began to comfort Mr Oneale for the lady's elopement; -observing that he seemed to have had a lucky escape, that it was better -she should elope before, than after marriage--The Hibernian was of a -very different opinion. He said, 'If he had been once married, she might -have eloped as soon as she pleased; he would have taken care that she -should not have carried her fortune along with her--Ah (said he) she's -a Judas Iscariot, and has betrayed me with a kiss; and, like Judas, she -carried the bag, and has not left me money enough to bear my expences -back to London; and so I'm come to this pass, and the rogue that was -the occasion of it has left you without a sarvant, you may put me in his -place; and by Jasus, it is the best thing you can do.'--I begged to be -excused, declaring I could put up with any inconvenience, rather than -treat as a footman the descendant of Tir-Owen the Great. I advised -him to return to his friend, Mr Cosgrave, and take his passage from -Newcastle by sea, towards which I made him a small present, and he -retired, seemingly resigned to his evil fortune. I have taken upon trial -a Scotchman, called Archy M'Alpin, an old soldier, whose last master, a -colonel, lately died at Berwick. The fellow is old and withered; but he -has been recommended to me for his fidelity, by Mrs Humphreys, a very -good sort of a woman, who keeps the inn at Tweedmouth, and is much -respected by all the travellers on this road. - -Clinker, without doubt, thinks himself happy in the removal of a -dangerous rival, and he is too good a Christian, to repine at Dutton's -success. Even Mrs Jenkins will have reason to congratulate herself upon -this event, when she cooly reflects upon the matter; for, howsoever she -was forced from her poise for a season, by snares laid for her vanity, -Humphry is certainly the north-star to which the needle of her affection -would have pointed at the long run. At present, the same vanity is -exceedingly mortified, upon finding herself abandoned by her new -admirer, in favour of another inamorata. She received the news with a -violent burst of laughter, which soon brought on a fit of crying; and -this gave the finishing blow to the patience of her mistress, which had -held out beyond all expectation. She now opened all those floodgates of -reprehension, which had been shut so long. She not only reproached -her with her levity and indiscretion, but attacked her on the score -of religion, declaring roundly that she was in a state of apostacy -and reprobation; and finally, threatened to send her a packing at this -extremity of the kingdom. All the family interceded for poor Winifred, -not even excepting her slighted swain, Mr Clinker, who, on his knees, -implored and obtained her pardon. - -There was, however, another consideration that gave Mrs Tabitha some -disturbance. At Newcastle, the servants had been informed by some -wag, that there was nothing to eat in Scotland, but oat-meal and -sheep's-heads; and lieutenant Lismahago being consulted, what he said -served rather to confirm than to refute the report. Our aunt being -apprised of this circumstance, very gravely advised her brother to -provide a sumpter horse with store of hams, tongues, bread, biscuit, and -other articles for our subsistence, in the course of our peregrination, -and Mr Bramble as gravely replied, that he would take the hint into -consideration: but, finding no such provision was made, she now revived -the proposal, observing that there was a tolerable market at Berwick, -where we might be supplied; and that my man's horse would serve as a -beast of burthen--The 'squire, shrugging his shoulders, eyed her askance -with a look of ineffable contempt: and, after some pause, 'Sister (said -he), I can hardly persuade myself you are serious.' She was so little -acquainted with the geography of the island, that she imagined we could -not go to Scotland but by sea; and, after we had passed through the town -of Berwick, when he told her we were upon Scottish ground, she could -hardly believe the assertion--If the truth must be told, the South -Britons in general are woefully ignorant in this particular. What, -between want of curiosity, and traditional sarcasms, the effect of -ancient animosity, the people at the other end of the island know as -little of Scotland as of Japan. - -If I had never been in Wales, I should have been more struck with the -manifest difference in appearance betwixt the peasants and commonalty -on different sides of the Tweed. The boors of Northumberland are -lusty fellows, fresh complexioned, cleanly, and well cloathed; but the -labourers in Scotland are generally lank, lean, hard-featured, sallow, -soiled, and shabby, and their little pinched blue caps have a beggarly -effect. The cattle are much in the same stile with their drivers, -meagre, stunted, and ill equipt. When I talked to my uncle on this -subject, he said, 'Though all the Scottish hinds would not bear to be -compared with those of the rich counties of South Britain, they would -stand very well in competition with the peasants of France, Italy, and -Savoy--not to mention the mountaineers of Wales, and the red-shanks of -Ireland.' - -We entered Scotland by a frightful moor of sixteen miles, which promises -very little for the interior parts of the kingdom; but the prospect -mended as we advanced. Passing through Dunbar, which is a neat little -town, situated on the sea-side, we lay at a country inn, where our -entertainment far exceeded our expectation; but for this we cannot give -the Scots credit, as the landlord is a native of England. Yesterday we -dined at Haddington, which has been a place of some consideration, but -is now gone to decay; and in the evening arrived at this metropolis, of -which I can say very little. It is very romantic, from its situation -on the declivity of a hill, having a fortified castle at the top, and a -royal palace at the bottom. The first thing that strikes the nose of -a stranger, shall be nameless; but what first strikes the eye, is the -unconscionable height of the houses, which generally rise to five, six, -seven, and eight stories, and, in some places (as I am assured), -to twelve. This manner of building, attended with numberless -inconveniences, must have been originally owing to want of room. Certain -it is, the town seems to be full of people: but their looks, their -language, and their customs, are so different from ours, that I can -hardly believe myself in Great-Britain. - -The inn at which we put up (if it may be so called) was so filthy and -disagreeable in all respects, that my uncle began to fret, and his -gouty symptoms to recur--Recollecting, however, that he had a letter -of recommendation to one Mr Mitchelson, a lawyer, he sent it by his -servant, with a compliment, importing that we would wait upon him next -day in person; but that gentleman visited us immediately, and insisted -upon our going to his own house, until he could provide lodgings for our -accommodation. We gladly accepted, of his invitation, and repaired to -his house, where we were treated with equal elegance and hospitality, to -the utter confusion of our aunt, whose prejudices, though beginning to -give way, were not yet entirely removed. To-day, by the assistance -of our friend, we are settled in convenient lodgings, up four pair -of stairs, in the High-street, the fourth story being, in this city, -reckoned more genteel than the first. The air is, in all probability, -the better; but it requires good lungs to breathe it at this distance -above the surface of the earth.--While I do remain above it, whether -higher or lower, provided I breathe at all, - - -I shall ever be, Dear Phillips, yours, J. MELFORD July 18. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -That part of Scotland contiguous to Berwick, nature seems to have -intended as a barrier between two hostile nations. It is a brown desert -of considerable extent, that produces nothing but heath and fern; and -what rendered it the more dreary when we passed, there was a thick fog -that hindered us from seeing above twenty yards from the carriage--My -sister began to make wry faces, and use her smelling-bottle; Liddy -looked blank, and Mrs Jenkins dejected; but in a few hours these clouds -were dissipated; the sea appeared upon our right, and on the left the -mountains retired a little, leaving an agreeable plain betwixt them -and the beach; but, what surprised us all, this plain, to the extent of -several miles, was covered with as fine wheat as ever I saw in the most -fertile parts of South Britain--This plentiful crop is raised in the -open field, without any inclosure, or other manure than the alga marina, -or seaweed, which abounds on this coast; a circumstance which shews -that the soil and climate are favourable; but that agriculture in this -country is not yet brought to that perfection which it has attained -in England. Inclosures would not only keep the grounds warm, and the -several fields distinct, but would also protect the crop from the high -winds, which are so frequent in this part of the island. - -Dunbar is well situated for trade, and has a curious bason, where ships -of small burthen may be perfectly secure; but there is little appearance -of business in the place--From thence, all the way to Edinburgh, there -is a continual succession of fine seats, belonging to noblemen and -gentlemen; and as each is surrounded by its own parks and plantation, -they produce a very pleasing effect in a country which lies otherwise -open and exposed. At Dunbar there is a noble park, with a lodge, -belonging to the Duke of Roxburgh, where Oliver Cromwell had his -head-quarters, when Lesley, at the head of a Scotch army, took -possession of the mountains in the neighbourhood, and hampered him in -such a manner, that he would have been obliged to embark and get away by -sea, had not the fanaticism of the enemy forfeited the advantage which -they had obtained by their general's conduct--Their ministers, by -exhortation, prayer, assurance, and prophecy, instigated them to go -down and slay the Philistines in Gilgal, and they quitted their ground -accordingly, notwithstanding all that Lesley could do to restrain -the madness of their enthusiasm--When Oliver saw them in motion, he -exclaimed, 'Praised be the Lord, he hath delivered them into the hands -of his servant!' and ordered his troops to sing a psalm of thanksgiving, -while they advanced in order to the plain, where the Scots were routed -with great slaughter. - -In the neighbourhood of Haddington, there is a gentleman's house, in -the building of which, and the improvements about it, he is said to have -expended forty thousand pounds: but I cannot say I was much pleased -with either the architecture or the situation; though it has in front -a pastoral stream, the banks of which are laid out in a very agreeable -manner. I intended to pay my respects to Lord Elibank, whom I had -the honour to know at London many years ago. He lives in this part of -Lothian; but was gone to the North, on a visit--You have often heard -me mention this nobleman, whom I have long revered for his humanity and -universal intelligence, over and above the entertainment arising -from originality of his character--At Musselburgh, however, I had the -good-fortune to drink tea with my old friend Mr Cardonel; and at his -house I met with Dr C--, the parson of the parish, whose humour and -conversation inflamed me with a desire of being better acquainted with -his person--I am not at all surprised that these Scots make their way in -every quarter of the globe. - -This place is but four miles from Edinburgh, towards which we proceeded -along the sea-shore, upon a firm bottom of smooth sand, which the tide -had left uncovered in its retreat--Edinburgh, from this avenue, is not -seen to much advantage--We had only an imperfect view of the Castle -and upper parts of the town, which varied incessantly according to the -inflexions of the road, and exhibited the appearance of detached spires -and turrets, belonging to some magnificent edifice in ruins. The palace -of Holyrood house stands on the left, as you enter the Canon-gate--This -is a street continued from hence to the gate called Nether Bow, which is -now taken away; so that there is no interruption for a long mile, from -the bottom to the top of the hill on which the castle stands in a most -imperial situation--Considering its fine pavement, its width, and the -lofty houses on each side, this would be undoubtedly one of the noblest -streets in Europe, if an ugly mass of mean buildings, called the -Lucken-Booths, had not thrust itself, by what accident I know not, into -the middle of the way, like Middle-Row in Holborn. The city stands upon -two hills, and the bottom between them; and, with all its defects, may -very well pass for the capital of a moderate kingdom.--It is full of -people, and continually resounds with the noise of coaches and other -carriages, for luxury as well as commerce. As far as I can perceive, -here is no want of provisions--The beef and mutton are as delicate -here as in Wales; the sea affords plenty of good fish; the bread is -remarkably fine; and the water is excellent, though I'm afraid not -in sufficient quantity to answer all the purposes of cleanliness and -convenience; articles in which, it must be allowed, our fellow-subjects -are a little defective--The water is brought in leaden pipes from a -mountain in the neighbourhood, to a cistern on the Castle-hill, from -whence it is distributed to public conduits in different parts of the -city. From these it is carried in barrels, on the backs of male and -female porters, up two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight -pairs of stairs, for the use of particular families--Every story is -a complete house, occupied by a separate family; and the stair being -common to them all, is generally left in a very filthy condition; a man -must tread with great circumspection to get safe housed with unpolluted -shoes--Nothing can form a stronger contrast, than the difference -betwixt the outside and inside of the door, for the good-women of this -metropolis are remarkably nice in the ornaments and propriety of their -apartments, as if they were resolved to transfer the imputation from -the individual to the public. You are no stranger to their method of -discharging all their impurities from their windows, at a certain hour -of the night, as the custom is in Spain, Portugal, and some parts of -France and Italy--A practice to which I can by no means be reconciled; -for notwithstanding all the care that is taken by their scavengers to -remove this nuisance every morning by break of day, enough still remains -to offend the eyes, as well as other organs of those whom use has not -hardened against all delicacy of sensation. - -The inhabitants seem insensible to these impressions, and are apt to -imagine the disgust that we avow is little better than affectation; but -they ought to have some compassion for strangers, who have not been used -to this kind of sufferance; and consider, whether it may not be worth -while to take some pains to vindicate themselves from the reproach that, -on this account, they bear among their neighbours. As to the surprising -height of their houses, it is absurd in many respects; but in one -particular light I cannot view it without horror; that is, the dreadful -situation of all the families above, in case the common staircase should -be rendered impassable by a fire in the lower stories--In order to -prevent the shocking consequences that must attend such an accident, it -would be a right measure to open doors of communication from one house -to another, on every story, by which the people might fly from such -a terrible visitation. In all parts of the world, we see the force of -habit prevailing over all the dictates of convenience and sagacity. All -the people of business at Edinburgh, and even the genteel company, may -be seen standing in crowds every day, from one to two in the afternoon, -in the open street, at a place where formerly stood a market-cross, -which (by the bye) was a curious piece of Gothic architecture, still to -be seen in lord Sommerville's garden in this neighbourhood--I say, the -people stand in the open street from the force of custom, rather than -move a few yards to an Exchange that stands empty on one side, or to the -Parliament-close on the other, which is a noble square adorned with a -fine equestrian statue of king Charles II.--The company thus assembled, -are entertained with a variety of tunes, played upon a set of bells, -fixed in a steeple hard by--As these bells are well-toned, and the -musician, who has a salary from the city, for playing upon them with -keys, is no bad performer, the entertainment is really agreeable, and -very striking to the ears of a stranger. - -The public inns of Edinburgh are still worse than those of London; but -by means of a worthy gentleman, to whom I was recommended, we have -got decent lodgings in the house of a widow gentlewoman of the name of -Lockhart; and here I shall stay until I have seen every thing that -is remarkable in and about this capital. I now begin to feel the good -effects of exercise--I eat like a farmer, sleep from mid-night till -eight in the morning without interruption, and enjoy a constant tide of -spirits, equally distant from inanition and excess; but whatever ebbs -or flows my constitution may undergo, my heart will still declare that I -am, - -Dear Lewis, Your affectionate friend and servant, MATT. BRAMBLE EDR. -July 18. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MARY, - -The 'squire has been so kind as to rap my bit of nonsense under the -kiver of his own sheet--O, Mary Jones! Mary Jones! I have had trials and -trembulation. God help me! I have been a vixen and a griffin these many -days--Sattin has had power to temp me in the shape of van Ditton, -the young 'squire's wally de shamble; but by God's grease he did -not purvail--I thoft as how, there was no arm in going to a play at -Newcastle, with my hair dressed in the Parish fashion; and as for the -trifle of paint, he said as how my complexion wanted touch, and so I -let him put it on with a little Spanish owl; but a mischievous mob of -colliers, and such promiscous ribble rabble, that could bare no smut -but their own, attacked us in the street, and called me hoar and painted -Issabel, and splashed my close, and spoiled me a complete set of blond -lace triple ruffles, not a pin the worse for the ware--They cost me -seven good sillings, to lady Griskin's woman at London. - -When I axed Mr Clinker what they meant by calling me Issabel, he put the -byebill into my hand, and I read of van Issabel a painted harlot, that -vas thrown out of a vindore, and the dogs came and licked her blood. -But I am no harlot; and, with God's blessing, no dog shall have my poor -blood to lick: marry, Heaven forbid, amen! As for Ditton, after all his -courting, and his compliment, he stole away an Irishman's bride, and -took a French leave of me and his master; but I vally not his going a -farting; but I have had hanger on his account--Mistriss scoulded like -mad; thof I have the comfit that all the family took my part, and even -Mr Clinker pleaded for me on his bended knee; thof, God he knows, he -had raisins enuff to complain; but he's a good sole, abounding with -Christian meekness, and one day will meet with his reward. - -And now, dear Mary, we have got to Haddingborrough, among the Scots, who -are civil enuff for our money, thof I don't speak their lingo--But they -should not go for to impose upon foreigners; for the bills in their -houses say, they have different easements to let; and behold there is -nurro geaks in the whole kingdom, nor any thing for poor sarvants, but -a barrel with a pair of tongs thrown a-cross; and all the chairs in the -family are emptied into this here barrel once a-day; and at ten o'clock -at night the whole cargo is flung out of a back windore that looks into -some street or lane, and the maids calls gardy loo to the passengers -which signifies Lord have mercy upon you! and this is done every night -in every house in Haddingborrough; so you may guess, Mary Jones, what a -sweet savour comes from such a number of profuming pans; but they say it -is wholesome, and, truly, I believe it is; for being in the vapours, and -thinking of Issabel and Mr Clinker, I was going into a fit of astericks, -when this fiff, saving your presence, took me by the nose so powerfully -that I sneezed three times, and found myself wonderfully refreshed; and -this to be sure is the raisin why there are no fits in Haddingborrough. - -I was likewise made believe, that there was nothing to be had but -oatmeal and seeps-heads; but if I hadn't been a fool, I mought have -known there could be no heads without kerkasses--This very blessed day -I dined upon a delicate leg of Velsh mutton and cully-flower; and as -for the oat-meal, I leave that to the sarvants of the country, which are -pore drudges, many of them without shoes or stockings--Mr Clinker tells -me here is a great call of the gospel; but I wish, I wish some of -our family be not fallen off from the rite way--O, if I was given to -tailbaring, I have my own secrets to discover--There has been a deal -of huggling and flurtation betwixt mistress and an ould Scotch officer, -called Kismycago. He looks for all the orld like the scare-crow that our -gardener has set up to frite away the sparrows; and what will come of -it, the Lord knows; but come what will, it shall never be said that I -menchioned a syllabub of the matter--Remember me kindly to Saul and the -kitten--I hope they got the horn-buck, and will put it to a good yuse, -which is the constant prayer of, - -Dear Molly, Your loving friend, WIN. JENKINS ADDINGBOROUGH, July 18. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -If I stay much longer at Edinburgh, I shall be changed into a downright -Caledonian--My uncle observes, that I have already acquired something of -the country accent. The people here are so social and attentive in their -civilities to strangers, that I am insensibly sucked into the channel of -their manners and customs, although they are in fact much more different -from ours than you can imagine--That difference, however, which struck -me very much at my first arrival, I now hardly perceive, and my ear is -perfectly reconciled to the Scotch accent, which I find even agreeable -in the mouth of a pretty woman--It is a sort of Doric dialect, which -gives an idea of amiable simplicity--You cannot imagine how we have -been caressed and feasted in the good town of Edinburgh of which we are -become free denizens and guild brothers, by the special favour of the -magistracy. - -I had a whimsical commission from Bath, to a citizen of this metropolis. -Quin, understanding our intention to visit Edinburgh, pulled out a -guinea, and desired the favour I would drink it at a tavern, with a -particular friend and bottle-companion of his, Mr R-- C--, a lawyer of -this city--I charged myself with the commission, and, taking the guinea, -'You see (said I) I have pocketed your bounty.' 'Yes (replied Quin, -laughing); and a headake into the bargain, if you drink fair.' I made -use of this introduction to Mr C--, who received me with open arms, -and gave me the rendezvous, according to the cartel. He had provided a -company of jolly fellows, among whom I found myself extremely happy; -and did Mr C-- and Quin all the justice in my power; but, alas, I was no -more than a tiro among a troop of veterans, who had compassion upon my -youth and conveyed me home in the morning by what means I know not--Quin -was mistaken, however, as to the head-ake; the claret was too good to -treat me so roughly. - -While Mr Bramble holds conferences with the graver literati of the -place, and our females are entertained at visits by the Scotch ladies, -who are the best and kindest creatures upon earth, I pass my time among -the bucks of Edinburgh; who, with a great share of spirit and vivacity, -have a certain shrewdness and self-command that is not often found -among their neighbours, in the high-day of youth and exultation--Not -a hint escapes a Scotchman that can be interpreted into offence by any -individual in the company; and national reflections are never heard--In -this particular, I must own, we are both unjust and ungrateful to the -Scots; for, as far as I am able to judge, they have a real esteem for -the natives of South-Britain; and never mention our country, but with -expressions of regard--Nevertheless, they are far from being servile -imitators of our modes and fashionable vices. All their customs and -regulations of public and private oeconomy, of business and diversion, -are in their own stile. This remarkably predominates in their looks, -their dress and manner, their music, and even their cookery. Our 'squire -declares, that he knows not another people upon earth, so strongly -marked with a national character--Now we are upon the article of -cookery, I must own, some of their dishes are savoury, and even -delicate; but I am not yet Scotchman enough to relish their singed -sheep's-head and haggice, which were provided at our request, one day at -Mr Mitchelson's, where we dined--The first put me in mind of the history -of Congo, in which I had read of negroes' heads sold publickly in -the markets; the last, being a mess of minced lights, livers, suet, -oat-meal, onions, and pepper, inclosed in a sheep's stomach, had a very -sudden effect upon mine, and the delicate Mrs Tabby changed colour; when -the cause of our disgust was instantaneously removed at the nod of our -entertainer. The Scots, in general, are attached to this composition, -with a sort of national fondness, as well as to their oat-meal bread; -which is presented at every table, in thin triangular cakes, baked upon -a plate of iron, called a girdle; and these, many of the natives, even -in the higher ranks of life, prefer to wheaten-bread, which they have -here in perfection--You know we used to vex poor Murray of Baliol -college, by asking, if there was really no fruit but turnips in -Scotland?--Sure enough, I have seen turnips make their appearance, not -as a desert, but by way of hors d'oeuvres, or whets, as radishes are -served betwixt more substantial dishes in France and Italy; but it must -be observed, that the turnips of this country are as much superior in -sweetness, delicacy, and flavour, to those in England, as a musk-melon -is to the stock of a common cabbage. They are small and conical, of -a yellowish colour, with a very thin skin and, over and above their -agreeable taste, are valuable for their antiscorbutic quality--As to the -fruit now in season, such as cherries, gooseberries, and currants, there -is no want of them at Edinburgh; and in the gardens of some gentlemen, -who live in the neighbourhood, there is now a very favourable appearance -of apricots, peaches, nectarines, and even grapes: nay, I have seen -a very fine shew of pineapples within a few miles of this metropolis. -Indeed, we have no reason to be surprised at these particulars, when we -consider how little difference there is, in fact, betwixt this climate -and that of London. - -All the remarkable places in the city and its avenues, for ten miles -around, we have visited, much to our satisfaction. In the Castle are -some royal apartments, where the sovereign occasionally resided; and -here are carefully preserved the regalia of the kingdom, consisting of -a crown, said to be of great value, a sceptre, and a sword of state, -adorned with jewels--Of these symbols of sovereignty, the people are -exceedingly jealous--A report being spread during the sitting of the -union-parliament, that they were removed to London, such a tumult arose, -that the lord commissioner would have been torn to pieces, if he had not -produced them for the satisfaction of the populace. - -The palace of Holyrood-house is an elegant piece of architecture, but -sunk in an obscure, and, as I take it, unwholesome bottom, where -one would imagine it had been placed on purpose to be concealed. The -apartments are lofty, but unfurnished; and as for the pictures of -the Scottish kings, from Fergus I. to king William, they are paultry -daubings, mostly by the same hand, painted either from the imagination, -or porters hired to sit for the purpose. All the diversions of London -we enjoy at Edinburgh, in a small compass. Here is a well -conducted concert, in which several gentlemen perform on different -instruments--The Scots are all musicians--Every man you meet plays on -the flute, the violin, or violoncello; and there is one nobleman, whose -compositions are universally admired--Our company of actors is very -tolerable; and a subscription is now on foot for building a new theatre; -but their assemblies please me above all other public exhibitions. - -We have been at the hunters' ball, where I was really astonished to see -such a number of fine women--The English, who have never crossed the -Tweed, imagine erroneously, that the Scotch ladies are not remarkable -for personal attractions; but, I can declare with a safe conscience, I -never saw so many handsome females together, as were assembled on this -occasion. At the Leith races, the best company comes hither from the -remoter provinces; so that, I suppose, we had all the beauty of the -kingdom concentrated as it were into one focus; which was, indeed, so -vehement, that my heart could hardly resist its power. Between friends, -it has sustained some damage from the bright eyes of the charming miss -R[ento]n, whom I had the honour to dance with at the ball--The countess -of Melville attracted all eyes, and the admiration of all present--She -was accompanied by the agreeable miss Grieve, who made many conquests; -nor did my sister Liddy pass unnoticed in the assembly--She is become -a toast at Edinburgh, by the name of the Fair Cambrian, and has already -been the occasion of much wine-shed; but the poor girl met with an -accident at the ball, which has given us great disturbance. - -A young gentleman, the express image of that rascal Wilson, went up -to ask her to dance a minuet; and his sudden appearance shocked her so -much, that she fainted away--I call Wilson a rascal, because, if he had -been really a gentleman, with honourable intentions, he would have, -ere now, appeared in his own character--I must own, my blood boils -with indignation when I think of that fellow's presumption; and Heaven -confound me if I don't--But I won't be so womanish as to rail--Time -will, perhaps, furnish occasion--Thank God, the cause of Liddy's -disorder remains a secret. The lady directress of the ball, thinking she -was overcome by the heat of the place, had her conveyed to another room, -where she soon recovered so well, as to return and join in the country -dances, in which the Scotch lasses acquit themselves with such spirit -and agility, as put their partners to the height of their mettle. I -believe our aunt, Mrs Tabitha, had entertained hopes of being able to -do some execution among the cavaliers at this assembly. She had been -several days in consultation with milliners and mantua-makers, preparing -for the occasion, at which she made her appearance in a full suit of -damask, so thick and heavy, that the sight of it alone, at this season -of the year, was sufficient to draw drops of sweat from any man -of ordinary imagination--She danced one minuet with our friend Mr -Mitchelson, who favoured her so far, in the spirit of hospitality and -politeness; and she was called out a second time by the young laird of -Ballymawhawple, who, coming in by accident, could not readily find any -other partner; but as the first was a married man, and the second payed -no particular homage to her charms, which were also over-looked by the -rest of the company, she became dissatisfied and censorious--At supper, -she observed that the Scotch gentlemen made a very good figure, when -they were a little improved by travelling; and therefore it was pity -they did not all take the benefit of going abroad. She said the women -were awkward, masculine creatures; that, in dancing, they lifted their -legs like so many colts; that they had no idea of graceful motion, and -put on their clothes in a frightful manner; but if the truth must -be told, Tabby herself was the most ridiculous figure, and the worst -dressed of the whole assembly. The neglect of the male sex rendered -her malcontent and peevish; she now found fault with every thing at -Edinburgh, and teized her brother to leave the place, when she was -suddenly reconciled to it on a religious consideration--There is a sect -of fanaticks, who have separated themselves from the established kirk, -under the name of Seceders--They acknowledge no earthly head of the -church, reject lay-patronage, and maintain the methodist doctrines of -the new birth, the new light, the efficacy of grace, the insufficiency -of works, and the operations of the spirit. Mrs Tabitha, attended by -Humphry Clinker, was introduced to one of their conventicles, where they -both received much edification; and she has had the good fortune to -come acquainted with a pious Christian, called Mr Moffat, who is very -powerful in prayer, and often assists her in private exercises of -devotion. - -I never saw such a concourse of genteel company at any races in England, -as appeared on the course of Leith--Hard by, in the fields called the -Links, the citizens of Edinburgh divert themselves at a game called -golf, in which they use a curious kind of bats, tipt with horn, and -small elastic balls of leather, stuffed with feathers, rather less than -tennis balls, but of a much harder consistence--This they strike with -such force and dexterity from one hole to another, that they will fly -to an incredible distance. Of this diversion the Scots are so fond, that -when the weather will permit, you may see a multitude of all ranks, -from the senator of justice to the lowest tradesman, mingled together in -their shirts, and following the balls with the utmost eagerness. Among -others, I was shewn one particular set of golfers, the youngest of -whom was turned of fourscore--They were all gentlemen of independent -fortunes, who had amused themselves with this pastime for the best part -of a century, without having ever felt the least alarm from sickness or -disgust; and they never went to bed, without having each the best -part of a gallon of claret in his belly. Such uninterrupted exercise, -co-operating with the keen air from the sea, must, without all doubt, -keep the appetite always on edge, and steel the constitution against all -the common attacks of distemper. - -The Leith races gave occasion to another entertainment of a very -singular nature--There is at Edinburgh a society or corporation of -errand-boys, called cawdies, who ply in the streets at night with paper -lanthorns, and are very serviceable in carrying messages--These fellows, -though shabby in their appearance, and rudely familiar in their address, -are wonderfully acute, and so noted for fidelity, that there is no -instance of [a] cawdy's having betrayed his trust--Such is their -intelligence, that they know, not only every individual of the place, -but also every stranger, by that time he has been four and twenty hours -in Edinburgh; and no transaction, even the most private, can escape -their notice. They are particularly famous for their dexterity in -executing one of the functions of Mercury; though, for my own part, I -never employed them in this department of business--Had I occasion -for any service of this nature, my own man, Archy M'Alpine, is as well -qualified as e'er a cawdie in Edinburgh; and I am much mistaken, if he -has not been heretofore of their fraternity. Be that as it may, they -resolved to give a dinner and a ball at Leith, to which they formally -invited all the young noblemen and gentlemen that were at the races; and -this invitation was reinforced by an assurance that all the celebrated -ladies of pleasure would grace the entertainment with their company.--I -received a card on this occasion, and went thither with half a dozen of -my acquaintance.--In a large hall the cloth was laid on a long range of -tables joined together, and here the company seated themselves, to -the number of about fourscore, lords, and lairds, and other gentlemen, -courtezans and cawdies mingled together, as the slaves and their masters -were in the time of the Saturnalia in ancient Rome.--The toast master, -who sat at the upper end, was one Cawdie Fraser, a veteran pimp, -distinguished for his humour and sagacity, well known and much respected -in his profession by all the guests, male and female, that were here -assembled.--He had bespoke the dinner and the wine: he had taken care -that all his brethren should appear in decent apparel and clean -linen; and he himself wore a periwig with three tails in honour of the -festival.--I assure you the banquet was both elegant and plentiful, -and seasoned with a thousand sallies, that promoted a general spirit -of mirth and good humour.--After the desert, Mr Fraser proposed the -following toasts, which I don't pretend to explain. 'The best in -Christendom.'--'Gibbs' contract.'--'The beggar's benison,'--'King and -kirk.'--'Great Britain and Ireland.' Then, filling a bumper, and turning -to me, 'Mester Malford (said he), may a' unkindness cease betwixt John -Bull and his sister Moggy.'--The next person he singled out, was a -nobleman who had been long abroad.--'Ma lord (cried Fraser), here is a -bumper to a' those noblemen who have virtue enough to spend their rents -in their ain countray.'--He afterwards addressed himself to a member of -parliament in these words:--'Meester--I'm sure ye'll ha' nae objection -to my drinking, disgrace and dule to ilka Scot, that sells his -conscience and his vote.'--He discharged a third sarcasm at a person -very gaily dressed, who had risen from small beginnings, and made a -considerable fortune at play.--Filling his glass, and calling him by -name, 'Lang life (said he), to the wylie loon that gangs a-field with a -toom poke at his lunzie, and comes hame with a sackful of siller.'--All -these toasts being received with loud bursts of applause, Mr Fraser -called for pint glasses, and filled his own to the brim: then standing -up, and all his brethren following his example, 'Ma lords and gentlemen -(cried he), here is a cup of thanks for the great and undeserved honour -you have done your poor errand-boys this day.'--So saying, he and they -drank off their glasses in a trice, and quitting their seats, took their -station each behind one of the other guests; exclaiming, 'Noo we're your -honours cawdies again.' - -The nobleman who had bore the first brunt of Mr Fraser's satire, -objected to his abdication. He said, as the company was assembled by -invitation from the cawdies, he expected they were to be entertained at -their expense. 'By no means, my lord (cried Fraser), I wad na he guilty -of sic presumption for the wide warld--I never affronted a gentleman -since I was born; and sure at this age I wonnot offer an indignity to -sic an honourable convention.' 'Well (said his Lordship) as you have -expended some wit, you have a right to save your money. You have given -me good counsel, and I take it in good part. As you have voluntarily -quitted your seat, I will take your place with the leave of the good -company, and think myself happy to be hailed, Father of the Feast.' He -was forthwith elected into the chair, and complimented in a bumper in -his new character. - -The claret continued to circulate without interruption, till the glasses -seemed to dance upon the table, and this, perhaps, was a hint to the -ladies to call for music--At eight in the evening the ball began in -another apartment: at midnight we went to supper; but it was broad day -before I found the way to my lodgings; and, no doubt, his Lordship had a -swinging bill to discharge. - -In short, I have lived so riotously for some weeks, that my uncle -begins to be alarmed on the score of my constitution, and very seriously -observes, 'that all his own infirmities are owing to such excesses -indulged in his youth--Mrs Tabitha says it would be more to the -advantage of my soul as well as body, if, instead of frequenting these -scenes of debauchery, I would accompany Mr Moffat and her to hear a -sermon of the reverend Mr M'Corkindale.--Clinker often exhorts me, with -a groan, to take care of my precious health; and even Archy M'Alpine, -when he happens to be overtaken (which is oftener the case than I could -wish), reads me a long lecture upon temperance and sobriety; and is -so very wise and sententious, that, if I could provide him with -a professor's chair, I would willingly give up the benefit of his -amonitions and service together; for I was tutor-sick at alma mater. - -I am not, however, so much engrossed by the gaieties of Edinburgh, but -that I find time to make parties in the family way. We have not only -seen all the villas and villages within ten miles of the capital, but -we have also crossed the Firth, which is an arm of the sea seven miles -broad, that divides Lothian from the shire, or, as the Scots call it, -the kingdom of Fife. There is a number of large open sea-boats that ply -on this passage from Leith to Kinghorn, which is a borough on the -other side. In one of these our whole family embarked three days ago, -excepting my sister, who, being exceedingly fearful of the water, was -left to the care of Mrs Mitchelson. We had an easy and quick passage -into Fife, where we visited a number of poor towns on the sea-side, -including St Andrew's, which is the skeleton of a venerable city; but we -were much better pleased with some noble and elegant seats and castles, -of which there is a great number in that part of Scotland. Yesterday -we took boat again on our return to Leith, with fair wind and agreeable -weather; but we had not advanced half-way when the sky was suddenly -overcast, and the wind changing, blew directly in our teeth so that we -were obliged to turn, or tack the rest of the way. In a word, the gale -increased to a storm of wind and rain, attended with such a fog, that -we could not see the town of Leith, to which we were bound, nor even the -castle of Edinburgh, notwithstanding its high situation. It is not to be -doubted but that we were all alarmed on this occasion. And at the same -time, most of the passengers were seized with a nausea that produced -violent retchings. My aunt desired her brother to order the boatmen, to -put back to Kinghorn, and this expedient he actually proposed; but they -assured him there was no danger. Mrs Tabitha finding them obstinate, -began to scold, and insisted upon my uncle's exerting his authority as -a justice of the peace. Sick and peevish as he was, he could not help -laughing at this wise proposal, telling her, that his commission did not -extend so far, and, if it did, he should let the people take their own -way; for he thought it would be great presumption in him to direct them -in the exercise of their own profession. Mrs Winifred Jenkins made a -general clearance with the assistance of Mr Humphry Clinker, who joined -her both in prayer and ejaculation.--As he took it for granted that we -should not be long in this world, he offered some spiritual consolation -to Mrs Tabitha, who rejected it with great disgust, bidding him keep his -sermons for those who had leisure to hear such nonsense.--My uncle sat, -collected in himself, without speaking; my man Archy had recourse to a -brandy-bottle, with which he made so free, that I imagined he had sworn -to die of drinking any thing rather than sea-water: but the brandy had -no more effect upon him in the way of intoxication, than if it had been -sea-water in good earnest.--As for myself, I was too much engrossed by -the sickness at my stomach, to think of any thing else. Meanwhile the -sea swelled mountains high, the boat pitched with such violence, as if -it had been going to pieces; the cordage rattled, the wind roared; the -lightning flashed, the thunder bellowed, and the rain descended in -a deluge--Every time the vessel was put about, we ship'd a sea that -drenched us all to the skin.--When, by dint of turning, we thought to -have cleared the pier head, we were driven to leeward, and then the -boatmen themselves began to fear that the tide would fail before we -should fetch up our lee-way: the next trip, however, brought us into -smooth water, and we were safely landed on the quay, about one o'clock -in the afternoon.--'To be sure (cried Tabby, when she found herself -on terra firma), we must all have perished, if we had not been the -particular care of Providence.' 'Yes (replied my uncle), but I am much -of the honest highlander's mind--after he had made such a passage -as this: his friend told him he was much indebted to -Providence;--"Certainly (said Donald), but, by my saul, mon, I'se ne'er -trouble Providence again, so long as the brig of Stirling stands."'--You -must know the brig, or bridge of Stirling, stands above twenty miles -up the river Forth, of which this is the outlet--I don't find that our -'squire has suffered in his health from this adventure; but poor Liddy -is in a peaking way--I'm afraid this unfortunate girl is uneasy in her -mind; and this apprehension distracts me, for she is really an amiable -creature. - -We shall set out to-morrow or next day for Stirling and Glasgow; and we -propose to penetrate a little way into the Highlands, before we turn our -course to the southward--In the mean time, commend me to all our friends -round Carfax, and believe me to be, ever yours, - -EDINBURGH, Aug. 8. J. MELFORD - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -I should be very ungrateful, dear Lewis, if I did not find myself -disposed to think and speak favourably of this people, among whom I have -met with more kindness, hospitality, and rational entertainment, in a -few weeks, than ever I received in any other country during the whole -course of my life.--Perhaps, the gratitude excited by these benefits may -interfere with the impartiality of my remarks; for a man is as apt to -be prepossessed by particular favours as to be prejudiced by private -motives of disgust. If I am partial, there is, at least, some merit -in my conversion from illiberal prejudices which had grown up with my -constitution. - -The first impressions which an Englishman receives in this country, will -not contribute to the removal of his prejudices; because he refers every -thing he sees to a comparison with the same articles in his own country; -and this comparison is unfavourable to Scotland in all its exteriors, -such as the face of the country in respect to cultivation, the -appearance of the bulk of the people, and the language of conversation -in general.--I am not so far convinced by Mr Lismahago's arguments, but -that I think the Scots would do well, for their own sakes, to adopt -the English idioms and pronunciation; those of them especially, who are -resolved to push their fortunes in South-Britain--I know, by experience, -how easily an Englishman is influenced by the ear, and how apt he is -to laugh, when he hears his own language spoken with a foreign or -provincial accent--I have known a member of the house of commons speak -with great energy and precision, without being able to engage attention, -because his observations were made in the Scotch dialect, which (no -offence to lieutenant Lismahago) certainly gives a clownish air even -to sentiments of the greatest dignity and decorum.--I have declared my -opinion on this head to some of the most sensible men of this country, -observing, at the same time, that if they would employ a few natives of -England to teach the pronunciation of our vernacular tongue, in twenty -years there would be no difference, in point of dialect, between the -youth of Edinburgh and of London. - -The civil regulations of this kingdom and metropolis are taken from -very different models from those of England, except in a few particular -establishments, the necessary consequences of the union.--Their college -of justice is a bench of great dignity, filled with judges of character -and ability.--I have heard some causes tried before this venerable -tribunal; and was very much pleased with the pleadings of their -advocates, who are by no means deficient either in argument or -elocution. The Scottish legislation is founded, in a great measure, on -the civil law; consequently, their proceedings vary from those of the -English tribunals; but, I think, they have the advantage of us in their -method of examining witnesses apart, and in the constitution of their -jury, by which they certainly avoid the evil which I mentioned in my -last from Lismahago's observation. - -The university of Edinburgh is supplied with excellent professors in all -the sciences; and the medical school, in particular, is famous all over -Europe.--The students of this art have the best opportunity of learning -it to perfection, in all its branches, as there are different courses -for the theory of medicine and the practice of medicine; for anatomy, -chemistry, botany, and the materia medica, over and above those of -mathematics and experimental philosophy; and all these are given by men -of distinguished talents. What renders this part of education still more -complete, is the advantage of attending the infirmary, which is the best -instituted charitable foundation that I ever knew. Now we are talking -of charities, here are several hospitals, exceedingly well endowed, and -maintained under admirable regulations; and these are not only useful, -but ornamental to the city. Among these, I shall only mention the -general work-house, in which all the poor, not otherwise provided for, -are employed, according to their different abilities, with such judgment -and effect, that they nearly maintain themselves by their labour, -and there is not a beggar to be seen within the precincts of this -metropolis. It was Glasgow that set the example of this establishment, -about thirty years ago.--Even the kirk of Scotland, so long reproached -with fanaticism and canting, abounds at present with ministers -celebrated for their learning, and respectable for their moderation.--I -have heard their sermons with equal astonishment and pleasure.--The good -people of Edinburgh no longer think dirt and cobwebs essential to the -house of God.--Some of their churches have admitted such ornaments -as would have excited sedition, even in England, a little more than a -century ago; and Psalmody is here practised and taught by a professor -from the cathedral of Durham:--I should not be surprised, in a few -years, to hear it accompanied with an organ. - -Edinburgh is a hot-bed of genius.--I have had the good fortune to be -made acquainted with many authors of the first distinction; such as the -two Humes, Robertson, Smith, Wallace, Blair, Ferguson, Wilkie, &c. and I -have found them all as agreeable in conversation as they are instructive -and entertaining in their writings. These acquaintances I owe to the -friendship of Dr Carlyle, who wants nothing but inclination to figure -with the rest upon paper. The magistracy of Edinburgh is changed every -year by election, and seems to be very well adapted both for state and -authority.--The lord provost is equal in dignity to the lord mayor -of London; and the four bailies are equivalent to the rank of -aldermen.--There is a dean of guild, who takes cognizance of mercantile -affairs; a treasurer; a town-clerk; and the council is composed -of deacons, one of whom is returned every year, in rotation, as -representative of every company of artificers or handicraftsmen. Though -this city, from the nature of its situation, can never be made either -very convenient or very cleanly, it has, nevertheless, an air of -magnificence that commands respect.--The castle is an instance of the -sublime in scite and architecture.--Its fortifications are kept in good -order, and there is always in it a garrison of regular soldiers, which -is relieved every year; but it is incapable of sustaining a siege -carried on according to the modern operations of war.--The castle hill, -which extends from the outward gate to the upper end of the high street, -is used as a public walk for the citizens, and commands a prospect, -equally extensive and delightful, over the county of Fife, on the other -side of the Frith, and all along the sea-coast, which is covered with a -succession of towns that would seem to indicate a considerable share of -commerce; but, if the truth must be told, these towns have been falling -to decay ever since the union, by which the Scots were in a -great measure deprived of their trade with France.--The palace of -Holyrood-house is a jewel in architecture, thrust into a hollow where -it cannot be seen; a situation which was certainly not chosen by the -ingenious architect, who must have been confined to the site of the old -palace, which was a convent. Edinburgh is considerably extended on the -south side, where there are divers little elegant squares built in the -English manner; and the citizens have planned some improvements on the -north, which, when put in execution, will add greatly to the beauty and -convenience of this capital. - -The sea-port is Leith, a flourishing town, about a mile from the city, -in the harbour of which I have seen above one hundred ships lying all -together. You must know, I had the curiosity to cross the Frith in a -passage boat, and stayed two days in Fife, which is remarkably fruitful -in corn, and exhibits a surprising number of fine seats, elegantly -built, and magnificently furnished. There is an incredible number of -noble houses in every part of Scotland that I have seen.--Dalkeith, -Pinkie, Yester, and lord Hopton's [Hopetoun's], all of them within four -or five miles of Edinburgh, are princely palaces, in every one of which -a sovereign might reside at his case.--I suppose the Scots affect these -monuments of grandeur.--If I may be allowed to mingle censure with my -remarks upon a people I revere, I must observe, that their weak side -seems to be vanity.--I am afraid that even their hospitality is not -quite free of ostentation. I think I have discovered among them uncommon -pains taken to display their fine linen, of which, indeed, they have -great plenty, their furniture, plate, housekeeping, and variety of -wines, in which article, it must be owned, they are profuse, if not -prodigal--A burgher of Edinburgh, not content to vie with a citizen of -London, who has ten times his fortune, must excel him in the expence as -well as elegance of his entertainments. - -Though the villas of the Scotch nobility and gentry have generally -an air of grandeur and state, I think their gardens and parks are not -comparable to those of England; a circumstance the more remarkable, as I -was told by the ingenious Mr Phillip Miller of Chelsea, that almost all -the gardeners of South-Britain were natives of Scotland. The verdure of -this country is not equal to that of England.--The pleasure-grounds are, -in my opinion, not so well laid out according to the genius loci; nor -are the lawns, and walks, and hedges kept in such delicate order.--The -trees are planted in prudish rows, which have not such an agreeable -natural effect, as when they are thrown into irregular groupes, with -intervening glades; and firs, which they generally raise around their -houses, look dull and funereal in the summer season.--I must confess, -indeed, that they yield serviceable timber, and good shelter against the -northern blasts; that they grow and thrive in the most barren soil, and -continually perspire a fine balsam of turpentine, which must render the -air very salutary and sanative to lungs of a tender texture. - -Tabby and I have been both frightened in our return by sea from the -coast of Fife--She was afraid of drowning, and I of catching cold, in -consequence of being drenched with sea-water; but my fears as well as -hers, have been happily disappointed. She is now in perfect health; I -wish I could say the same of Liddy--Something uncommon is the matter -with that poor girl; her colour fades, her appetite fails, and her -spirits flag--She is become moping and melancholy, and is often found -in tears--Her brother suspects internal uneasiness on account of Wilson, -and denounces vengeance against that adventurer.--She was, it seems, -strongly affected at the ball by the sudden appearance of one Mr Gordon, -who strongly resembles the said Wilson; but I am rather suspicious that -she caught cold by being overheated with dancing.--I have consulted Dr -Gregory, an eminent physician of an amiable character, who advises the -highland air, and the use of goat-milk whey, which, surely, cannot have -a bad effect upon a patient who was born and bred among the mountains of -Wales--The doctors opinion is the more agreeable, as we shall find those -remedies in the very place which I proposed as the utmost extent of our -expedition--I mean the borders of Argyle. - -Mr Smollett, one of the judges of the commissary court, which is now -sitting, has very kindly insisted upon our lodging at his country-house, -on the banks of Lough-Lomond, about fourteen miles beyond Glasgow. For -this last city we shall set out in two days, and take Stirling in our -way, well provided with recommendations from our friends at Edinburgh, -whom, I protest, I shall leave with much regret. I am so far from -thinking it any hardship to live in this country, that, if I was obliged -to lead a town life, Edinburgh would certainly be the headquarters of - - -Yours always, MATT. BRAMBLE EDIN., August 8. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -I am now little short of the Ultima Thule, if this appellation properly -belongs to the Orkneys or Hebrides. These last are now lying before me, -to the amount of some hundreds, scattered up and down the Deucalidonian -sea, affording the most picturesque and romantic prospect I ever -beheld--I write this letter in a gentleman's house, near the town of -Inverary which may be deemed the capital of the West Highlands, famous -for nothing so much as for the stately castle begun, and actually -covered in by the late duke of Argyle, at a prodigious expence--Whether -it will ever be completely finished is a question.-- - -But, to take things in order--We left Edinburgh ten days ago; and the -further North we proceed, we find Mrs Tabitha the less manageable; so -that her inclinations are not of the nature of the loadstone; they point -not towards the pole. What made her leave Edinburgh with reluctance at -last, if we may believe her own assertions, was a dispute which she left -unfinished with Mr Moffat, touching the eternity of hell torments. That -gentleman, as he advanced in years, began to be sceptical on this head, -till, at length, he declared open war against the common acceptation of -the word eternal. He is now persuaded, that eternal signifies no more -than an indefinite number of years; and that the most enormous sinner -may be quit for nine millions, nine hundred thousand, nine hundred and -ninety-nine years of hell-fire; which term or period, as he very well -observes, forms but an inconsiderable drop, as it were, in the ocean of -eternity--For this mitigation he contends, as a system agreeable to the -ideas of goodness and mercy, which we annex to the supreme Being--Our -aunt seemed willing to adopt this doctrine in favour of the wicked; but -he hinted that no person whatever was so righteous as to be exempted -entirely from punishment in a future state; and that the most pious -Christian upon earth might think himself very happy to get off for -a fast of seven or eight thousand years in the midst of fire and -brimstone. Mrs Tabitha revolted at this dogma, which filled her at once -with horror and indignation--She had recourse to the opinion of Humphry -Clinker, who roundly declared it was the popish doctrine of purgatory, -and quoted scripture in defence of the fire everlasting, prepared for -the devil and his angels--The reverend master Mackcorkendal, and all the -theologists and saints of that persuasion were consulted, and some of -them had doubts about the matter; which doubts and scruples had begun to -infect our aunt, when we took our departure from Edinburgh. - -We passed through Linlithgow, where there was an elegant royal palace, -which is now gone to decay, as well as the town itself--This too is -pretty much the case with Stirling, though it still boasts of a fine -old castle in which the kings of Scotland were wont to reside in their -minority--But Glasgow is the pride of Scotland, and, indeed, it might -very well pass for an elegant and flourishing city in any part of -Christendom. There we had the good fortune to be received into the house -of Mr Moore, an eminent surgeon, to whom we were recommended by one of -our friends at Edinburgh; and, truly, he could not have done us more -essential service--Mr Moore is a merry facetious companion, sensible and -shrewd, with a considerable fund of humour; and his wife an agreeable -woman, well bred, kind, and obliging. Kindness, which I take to be -the essence of good-nature and humanity, is the distinguishing -characteristic of the Scotch ladies in their own country--Our landlord -shewed us every thing, and introduced us to all the world at Glasgow; -where, through his recommendation, we were complimented with the freedom -of the town. Considering the trade and opulence of this place, it cannot -but abound with gaiety and diversions. Here is a great number of young -fellows that rival the youth of the capital in spirit and expence; and -I was soon convinced, that all the female beauties of Scotland were -not assembled at the hunters ball in Edinburgh--The town of Glasgow -flourishes in learning as well as in commerce--Here is an university, -with professors in all the different branches of science, liberally -endowed, and judiciously chosen--It was vacation time when I passed, -so that I could not entirely satisfy my curiosity; but their mode of -education is certainly preferable to ours in some respects. The students -are not left to the private instruction of tutors; but taught in public -schools or classes, each science by its particular professor or regent. - -My uncle is in raptures with Glasgow--He not only visited all the -manufactures of the place, but made excursions all round to Hamilton, -Paisley, Renfrew, and every other place within a dozen miles, where -there was any thing remarkable to be seen in art or nature. I believe -the exercise, occasioned by those jaunts, was of service to my sister -Liddy, whose appetite and spirits begin to revive--Mrs Tabitha displayed -her attractions as usual, and actually believed she had entangled one -Mr Maclellan, a rich inkle-manufacturer, in her snares; but when matters -came to an explanation, it appeared that his attachment was altogether -spiritual, founded upon an intercourse of devotion, at the meeting of -Mr John Wesley; who, in the course of his evangelical mission, had come -hither in person--At length, we set out for the banks of Lough-Lomond, -passing through the little borough of Dumbarton, or (as my uncle will -have it) Dunbritton, where there is a castle, more curious than any -thing of the kind I had ever seen. It is honoured with a particular -description by the elegant Buchanan, as an arx inexpugnabilis, -and, indeed, it must have been impregnable by the antient manner of -besieging. It is a rock of considerable extent, rising with a double -top, in an angle formed by the confluence of two rivers, the Clyde and -the Leven; perpendicular and inaccessible on all sides, except in one -place where the entrance is fortified; and there is no rising ground -in the neighbourhood from whence it could be damaged by any kind of -battery. - -From Dumbarton, the West Highlands appear in the form of huge, dusky -mountains, piled one over another; but this prospect is not at all -surprising to a native of Glamorgan--We have fixed our headquarters -at Cameron, a very neat country-house belonging to commissary Smollet, -where we found every sort of accommodation we could desire--It is -situated like a Druid's temple, in a grove of oak, close by the side -of Lough-Lomond, which is a surprising body of pure transparent water, -unfathomably deep in many places, six or seven miles broad, four and -twenty miles in length, displaying above twenty green islands, covered -with wood; some of them cultivated for corn, and many of them stocked -with red deer--They belong to different gentlemen, whose seats are -scattered along the banks of the lake, which are agreeably romantic -beyond all conception. My uncle and I have left the women at Cameron, as -Mrs Tabitha would by no means trust herself again upon the water, and -to come hither it was necessary to cross a small inlet of the sea, in an -open ferry-boat--This country appears more and more wild and savage the -further we advance; and the People are as different from the Low-land -Scots, in their looks, garb, and language, as the mountaineers of -Brecknock are from the inhabitants of Herefordshire. - -When the Lowlanders want to drink a chearupping-cup, they go to the -public house, called the Change-house, and call for a chopine of -two-penny, which is a thin, yeasty beverage, made of malt; not quite so -strong as the table-beer of England,--This is brought in a pewter stoop, -shaped like a skittle, from whence it is emptied into a quaff; that is, -a curious cup made of different pieces of wood, such as box and ebony, -cut into little staves, joined alternately, and secured with delicate -hoops, having two cars or handles--It holds about a gill, is sometimes -tipt round the mouth with silver, and has a plate of the same metal at -bottom, with the landlord's cypher engraved.--The Highlanders, on the -contrary, despise this liquor, and regale themselves with whisky; a malt -spirit, as strong as geneva, which they swallow in great quantities, -without any signs of inebriation. They are used to it from the cradle, -and find it an excellent preservative against the winter cold, which -must be extreme on these mountains--I am told that it is given with -great success to infants, as a cordial in the confluent smallpox, when -the eruption seems to flag, and the symptoms grow unfavourable--The -Highlanders are used to eat much more animal food than falls to the -share of their neighbours in the Low-country--They delight in hunting; -have plenty of deer and other game, with a great number of sheep, -goats, and black-cattle running wild, which they scruple not to kill as -vension, without being much at pains to ascertain the property. - -Inverary is but a poor town, though it stands immediately under the -protection of the duke of Argyle, who is a mighty prince in this part of -Scotland. The peasants live in wretched cabins, and seem very poor; but -the gentlemen are tolerably well lodged, and so loving to strangers, -that a man runs some risque of his life from their hospitality--It must -be observed that the poor Highlanders are now seen to disadvantage. They -have been not only disarmed by act of parliament, but also deprived of -their ancient garb, which was both graceful and convenient; and what -is a greater hardship still, they are compelled to wear breeches; a -restraint which they cannot bear with any degree of patience: indeed, -the majority wear them, not in the proper place, but on poles or long -staves over their shoulders--They are even debarred the use of their -striped stuff called Tartane, which was their own manufacture, prized -by them above all the velvets, brocades, and tissues of Europe and Asia. -They now lounge along in loose great coats, of coarse russet, equally -mean and cumbersome, and betray manifest marks of dejection--Certain it -is, the government could not have taken a more effectual method to break -their national spirit. - -We have had princely sport in hunting the stag on these mountains. These -are the lonely hills of Morven, where Fingal and his heroes enjoyed the -same pastime; I feel an enthusiastic pleasure when I survey the brown -heath that Ossian wont to tread; and hear the wind whistle through -the bending grass--When I enter our landlord's hall, I look for the -suspended harp of that divine bard, and listen in hopes of hearing the -aerial sound of his respected spirit--The poems of Ossian are in every -mouth--A famous antiquarian of this country, the laird of Macfarlane, at -whose house we dined a few days ago, can repeat them all in the original -Gallick, which has a great affinity to the Welch, not only in the -general sound, but also in a great number of radical words; and I make -no doubt that they are both sprung from the same origin. I was not a -little surprised, when asking a Highlander one day, if he knew where we -should find any game? he replied, 'hu niel Sassenagh', which signifies -no English: the very same answer I should have received from a Welchman, -and almost in the same words. The Highlanders have no other name for -the people of the Low-country, but Sassenagh, or Saxons; a strong -presumption, that the Lowland Scots and the English are derived from the -same stock--The peasants of these hills strongly resemble those of Wales -in their looks, their manners, and habitations; every thing I see, and -hear, and feel, seems Welch--The mountains, vales, and streams; the -air and climate; the beef, mutton, and game, are all Welch--It must be -owned, however, that this people are better Provided than we in some -articles--They have plenty of red deer and roebuck, which are fat -and delicious at this season of the year. Their sea teems with amazing -quantities of the finest fish in the world, and they find means to -procure very good claret at a very small expence. - -Our landlord is a man of consequence in this part of the country; a -cadet from the family of Argyle and hereditary captain of one of his -castles--His name, in plain English, is Dougal Campbell; but as there is -a great number of the same appellation, they are distinguished (like -the Welch) by patronimics; and as I have known an antient Briton called -Madoc ap-Morgan ap-Jenkin, ap-Jones, our Highland chief designs himself -Dou'l Mac-amish mac-'oul ichian, signifying Dougal, the son of James, -the son of Dougal, the son of John. He has travelled in the course -of his education, and is disposed to make certain alterations in his -domestic oeconomy; but he finds it impossible to abolish the ancient -customs of the family; some of which are ludicrous enough--His piper for -example, who is an hereditary officer of the household, will not part -with the least particle of his privileges. He has a right to wear the -kilt, or ancient Highland dress, with the purse, pistol, and durk--a -broad yellow ribbon, fixed to the chanter-pipe, is thrown over his -shoulder, and trails along the ground, while he performs the function of -his minstrelsy; and this, I suppose, is analogous to the pennon or flag -which was formerly carried before every knight in battle.--He plays -before the laird every Sunday in his way to the kirk, which he circles -three times, performing the family march which implies defiance to all -the enemies of the clan; and every morning he plays a full hour by the -clock, in the great hall, marching backwards and forwards all the time, -with a solemn pace, attended by the laird's kinsmen, who seem much -delighted with the music--In this exercise, he indulges them with a -variety of pibrochs or airs, suited to the different passions, which he -would either excite or assuage. - -Mr Campbell himself, who performs very well on the violin, has an -invincible antipathy to the sound of the Highland bagpipe, which -sings in the nose with a most alarming twang, and, indeed, is quite -intolerable to ears of common sensibility, when aggravated by the echo -of a vaulted hall--He therefore begged the piper would have some -mercy upon him, and dispense with this part of the morning service--A -consultation of the clan being held on this occasion, it was unanimously -agreed, that the laird's request could not be granted without a -dangerous encroachment upon the customs of the family--The piper -declared, he could not give up for a moment the privilege he derived -from his ancestors; nor would the laird's relations forego an -entertainment which they valued above all others--There was no remedy; -Mr Campbell, being obliged to acquiesce, is fain to stop his ears with -cotton; to fortify his head with three or four night-caps and every -morning retire into the penetralia of his habitation, in order to avoid -this diurnal annoyance. When the music ceases, he produces himself at an -open window that looks into the courtyard, which is by this time filled -with a crowd of his vassals and dependents, who worship his first -appearance, by uncovering their heads, and bowing to the earth with -the most humble prostration. As all these people have something to -communicate in the way of proposal, complaint, or petition, they wait -patiently till the laird comes forth, and, following him in his walks, -are favoured each with a short audience in his turn. Two days ago, he -dispatched above an hundred different sollicitors, in walking with us to -the house of a neighbouring gentleman, where we dined by invitation. -Our landlord's housekeeping is equally rough and hospitable, and savours -much of the simplicity of ancient times: the great hall, paved with flat -stones, is about forty-five feet by twenty-two, and serves not only for -a dining-room, but also for a bedchamber, to gentlemen-dependents and -hangers-on of the family. At night, half a dozen occasional beds are -ranged on each side along the wall. These are made of fresh heath, -pulled up by the roots, and disposed in such a manner as to make a very -agreeable couch, where they lie, without any other covering than the -plaid--My uncle and I were indulged with separate chambers and down beds -which we begged to exchange for a layer of heath; and indeed I never -slept so much to my satisfaction. It was not only soft and elastic, but -the plant, being in flower, diffused an agreeable fragrance, which is -wonderfully refreshing and restorative. - -Yesterday we were invited to the funeral of an old lady, the grandmother -of a gentleman in this neighbourhood, and found ourselves in the midst -of fifty people, who were regaled with a sumptuous feast, accompanied by -the music of a dozen pipers. In short, this meeting had all the air of -a grand festival; and the guests did such honour to the entertainment, -that many of them could not stand when we were reminded of the business -on which we had met. The company forthwith taking horse, rode in a very -irregular cavalcade to the place of interment, a church, at the distance -of two long miles from the castle. On our arrival, however, we found -we had committed a small oversight, in leaving the corpse behind; so we -were obliged to wheel about, and met the old gentlewoman half way, being -carried upon poles by the nearest relations of her family, and attended -by the coronach, composed of a multitude of old hags, who tore their -hair, beat their breasts, and howled most hideously. At the grave, the -orator, or senachie, pronounced the panegyric of the defunct, every -period being confirmed by a yell of the coronach. The body was committed -to the earth, the pipers playing a pibroch all the time; and all the -company standing uncovered. The ceremony was closed with the discharge -of pistols; then we returned to the castle, resumed the bottle, and -by midnight there was not a sober person in the family, the females -excepted. The 'squire and I were, with some difficulty, permitted to -retire with our landlord in the evening; but our entertainer was a -little chagrined at our retreat; and afterwards seemed to think it a -disparagement to his family, that not above a hundred gallons of whisky -had been drunk upon such a solemn occasion. This morning we got up by -four, to hunt the roebuck, and, in half an hour, found breakfast ready -served in the hall. The hunters consisted of Sir George Colquhoun and -me, as strangers (my uncle not chusing to be of the party), of the laird -in person, the laird's brother, the laird's brother's son, the laird's -sister's son, the laird's father's brother's son, and all their foster -brothers, who are counted parcel of the family: but we were attended by -an infinite number of Gaelly's, or ragged Highlanders without shoes or -stockings. - -The following articles formed our morning's repast: one kit of boiled -eggs; a second, full of butter; a third full of cream; an entire cheese, -made of goat's milk; a large earthen pot full of honey; the best part -of a ham; a cold venison pasty; a bushel of oat meal, made in thin cakes -and bannocks, with a small wheaten loaf in the middle for the strangers; -a large stone bottle full of whisky, another of brandy, and a kilderkin -of ale. There was a ladle chained to the cream kit, with curious wooden -bickers to be filled from this reservoir. The spirits were drank out of -a silver quaff, and the ale out of hems: great justice was done to the -collation by the guest in general; one of them in particular ate above -two dozen of hard eggs, with a proportionable quantity of bread, butter, -and honey; nor was one drop of liquor left upon the board. Finally, -a large roll of tobacco was presented by way of desert, and every -individual took a comfortable quid, to prevent the bad effects of the -morning air. We had a fine chace over the mountains, after a roebuck, -which we killed, and I got home time enough to drink tea with Mrs -Campbell and our 'squire. To-morrow we shall set out on our return for -Cameron. We propose to cross the Frith of Clyde, and take the towns of -Greenock and Port-Glasgow in our way. This circuit being finished, we -shall turn our faces to the south, and follow the sun with augmented -velocity, in order to enjoy the rest of the autumn in England, where -Boreas is not quite so biting as he begins already to be on the tops -of these northern hills. But our progress from place to place shall -continue to be specified in these detached journals of - -Yours always, J. MELFORD ARGYLSHIRE, Sept. 3. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -About a fortnight is now elapsed, since we left the capital of Scotland, -directing our course towards Stirling, where we lay. The castle of this -place is such another as that of Edinburgh, and affords a surprising -prospect of the windings of the river Forth, which are so extraordinary, -that the distance from hence to Alloa by land, is but forty miles, and -by water it is twenty-four. Alloa is a neat thriving town, that depends -in a great measure on the commerce of Glasgow, the merchants of which -send hither tobacco and other articles, to be deposited in warehouses -for exportation from the Frith of Forth. In our way hither we visited -a flourishing iron-work, where, instead of burning wood, they use coal, -which they have the art of clearing in such a manner as frees it from -the sulphur, that would otherwise render the metal too brittle for -working. Excellent coal is found in almost every part of Scotland. - -The soil of this district produces scarce any other grain but oats, lid -barley; perhaps because it is poorly cultivated, and almost altogether -uninclosed. The few inclosures they have consist of paultry walls of -loose stones gathered from the fields, which indeed they cover, as if -they had been scattered on purpose. When I expressed my surprize that -the peasants did not disencumber their grounds of these stones; a -gentleman, well acquainted with the theory as well as practice of -farming, assured me that the stones, far from being prejudicial, were -serviceable to the crop. This philosopher had ordered a field of his own -to be cleared, manured and sown with barley, and the produce was more -scanty than before. He caused the stones to be replaced, and next year -the crop was as good as ever. The stones were removed a second time, -and the harvest failed; they were again brought back, and the ground -retrieved its fertility. The same experiment has been tried in different -parts of Scotland with the same success--Astonished at this information, -I desired to know in what manner he accounted for this strange -phenomenon; and he said there were three ways in which the stones -might be serviceable. They might possibly restrain an excess in the -perspiration of the earth, analogous to colliquative sweats, by which -the human body is sometimes wasted and consumed. They might act as so -many fences to protect the tender blade from the piercing winds of the -spring; or, by multiplying the reflexion of the sun, they might increase -the warmth, so as to mitigate the natural chilness of the soil -and climate--But, surely this excessive perspiration might be more -effectually checked by different kinds of manure, such as ashes, lime, -chalk, or marl, of which last it seems there are many pits in this -kingdom: as for the warmth, it would be much more equally obtained by -inclosures; the cultivation would require less labour; and the ploughs, -harrows, and horses, would not suffer half the damage which they now -sustain. - -These north-western parts are by no means fertile in corn. The ground is -naturally barren and moorish. The peasants are poorly lodged, meagre -in their looks, mean in their apparel, and remarkably dirty. This last -reproach they might easily wash off, by means of those lakes, rivers, -and rivulets of pure water, with which they are so liberally supplied by -nature. Agriculture cannot be expected to flourish where the farms are -small, the leases short, and the husbandman begins upon a rack rent, -without a sufficient stock to answer the purposes of improvement. The -granaries of Scotland are the banks of the Tweed, the counties of East -and Mid-Lothian, the Carse of Gowrie, in Perthshire, equal in fertility -to any part of England, and some tracts in Aberdeenshire and Murray, -where I am told the harvest is more early than in Northumberland, -although they lie above two degrees farther north. I have a strong -curiosity to visit many places beyond the Forth and the Tay, such as -Perth, Dundee, Montrose, and Aberdeen, which are towns equally elegant -and thriving; but the season is too far advanced to admit of this -addition to my original plan. - -I am so far happy as to have seen Glasgow, which, to the best of my -recollection and judgment, is one of the prettiest towns in Europe; and, -without all doubt, it is one of the most flourishing in Great Britain. -In short, it is a perfect bee-hive in point of industry. It stands -partly on a gentle declivity; but the greatest part of it is in a plain, -watered by the river Clyde. The streets are straight, open, airy, and -well paved; and the houses lofty and well built of hewn stone. At the -upper end of the town, there is a venerable cathedral, that may be -compared with York-minster or West-minster; and, about the middle of the -descent from this to the Cross, is the college, a respectable pile -of building, with all manner of accommodation for the professors and -students, including an elegant library, and a observatory well provided -with astronomical instruments. The number of inhabitants is said to -amount to thirty thousand; and marks of opulence and independency appear -in every quarter of this commercial city, which, however, is not without -its inconveniences and defects. The water of their public pumps is -generally hard and brackish, an imperfection the loss excusable, as -the river Clyde runs by their doors, in the lower part of the town; and -there are rivulets and springs above the cathedral, sufficient to fill a -large reservoir with excellent water, which might be thence distributed -to all the different parts of the city. It is of more consequence to -consult the health of the inhabitants in this article than to employ so -much attention in beautifying their town with new streets, squares, and -churches. Another defect, not so easily remedied, is the shallowness -of the river, which will not float vessels of any burthen within ten or -twelve miles of the city; so that the merchants are obliged to load and -unload their ships at Greenock and Port-Glasgow, situated about fourteen -miles nearer the mouth of the Frith, where it is about two miles broad. - -The people of Glasgow have a noble spirit of enterprise--Mr Moore, a -surgeon, to whom I was recommended from Edinburgh, introduced me to all -the principal merchants of the place. Here I became acquainted with -Mr Cochran, who may be stiled one of the sages of this kingdom. He was -first magistrate at the time of the last rebellion. I sat as member -when he was examined in the house of commons, upon which occasion Mr P-- -observed he had never heard such a sensible evidence given at that bar. -I was also introduced to Dr John Gordon, a patriot of a truly Roman -spirit, who is the father of the linen manufacture in this place, and -was the great promoter of the city workhouse, infirmary, and other works -of public utility. Had he lived in ancient Rome, he would have been -honoured with a statue at the public expence. I moreover conversed with -one Mr G--ssf--d, whom I take to be one of the greatest merchants in -Europe. In the last war, he is said to have had at one time five and -twenty ships with their cargoes, his own property, and to have traded -for above half a million sterling a-year. The last war was a fortunate -period for the commerce of Glasgow--The merchants, considering that -their ships bound for America, launching out at once into the Atlantic -by the north of Ireland, pursued a track very little frequented -by privateers, resolved to insure one another, and saved a very -considerable sum by this resolution, as few or none of their ships were -taken--You must know I have a sort of national attachment to this part -of Scotland--The great church dedicated to St Mongah, the river Clyde, -and other particulars that smack of our Welch language and customs, -contribute to flatter me with the notion, that these people are the -descendants of the Britons, who once possessed this country. Without -all question, this was a Cumbrian kingdom: its capital was Dumbarton (a -corruption of Dunbritton) which still exists as a royal borough, at -the influx of the Clyde and Leven, ten miles below Glasgow. The same -neighbourhood gave birth to St Patrick, the apostle of Ireland, at a -place where there is still a church and village, which retain his name. -Hard by are some vestiges of the famous Roman wall, built in the reign -of Antonine, from the Clyde to the Forth, and fortified with castles, to -restrain the incursions of the Scots or Caledonians, who inhabited -the West-Highlands. In a line parallel to this wall, the merchants of -Glasgow have determined to make a navigable canal betwixt the two Firths -which will be of incredible advantage to their commerce, in transporting -merchandize from one side of the island to the other. - -From Glasgow we travelled along the Clyde, which is a delightful stream, -adorned on both sides with villas, towns, and villages. Here is no want -of groves, and meadows, and corn-fields interspersed; but on this side -of Glasgow, there is little other grain than oats and barley; the first -are much better, the last much worse, than those of the same species in -England. I wonder, there is so little rye, which is a grain that will -thrive in almost any soil; and it is still more surprising, that the -cultivation of potatoes should be so much neglected in the Highlands, -where the poor people have not meal enough to supply them with bread -through the winter. On the other side of the river are the towns of -Paisley and Renfrew. The first, from an inconsiderable village, is -become one of the most flourishing places of the kingdom, enriched -by the linen, cambrick, flowered lawn, and silk manufactures. It was -formerly noted for a rich monastery of the monks of Clugny, who wrote -the famous Scoti-Chronicon, called The Black Book of Paisley. The old -abbey still remains, converted into a dwelling-house, belonging to the -earl of Dundonald. Renfrew is a pretty town, on the banks of Clyde, -capital of the shire, which was heretofore the patrimony of the Stuart -family, and gave the title of baron to the king's eldest son, which is -still assumed by the prince of Wales. - -The Clyde we left a little on our left-hand at Dunbritton, where it -widens into an aestuary or frith, being augmented by the influx of the -Leven. On this spot stands the castle formerly called Alcluyd, washed, -by these two rivers on all sides, except a narrow isthmus, which at -every spring-tide is overflowed. The whole is a great curiosity, from -the quality and form of the rock, as well as from the nature of its -situation--We now crossed the water of Leven, which, though nothing near -so considerable as the Clyde, is much more transparent, pastoral, and -delightful. This charming stream is the outlet of Lough-Lomond, and -through a tract of four miles pursues its winding course, murmuring over -a bed of pebbles, till it joins the Frith at Dunbritton. A very little -above its source, on the lake, stands the house of Cameron, belonging to -Mr Smollett, so embosomed in an oak wood, that we did not see it till -we were within fifty yards of the door. I have seen the Lago di Garda, -Albano, De Vico, Bolsena, and Geneva, and, upon my honour, I prefer -Lough-Lomond to them all, a preference which is certainly owing to the -verdant islands that seem to float upon its surface, affording the most -inchanting objects of repose to the excursive view. Nor are the banks -destitute of beauties, which even partake of the sublime. On this side -they display a sweet variety of woodland, cornfield, and pasture, with -several agreeable villas emerging as it were out of the lake, till, at -some distance, the prospect terminates in huge mountains covered with -heath, which being in the bloom, affords a very rich covering of purple. -Every thing here is romantic beyond imagination. This country is justly -stiled the Arcadia of Scotland; and I don't doubt but it may vie with -Arcadia in every thing but climate.--I am sure it excels it in verdure, -wood, and water.--What say you to a natural bason of pure water, near -thirty miles long, and in some places seven miles broad, and in many -above a hundred fathom deep, having four and twenty habitable islands, -some of them stocked with deer, and all of them covered with wood; -containing immense quantities of delicious fish, salmon, pike, trout, -perch, flounders, eels, and powans, the last a delicate kind of -fresh-water herring peculiar to this lake; and finally communicating -with the sea, by sending off the Leven, through which all those species -(except the powan) make their exit and entrance occasionally? - -Inclosed I send you the copy of a little ode to this river, by Dr -Smollett, who was born on the banks of it, within two miles of the -place where I am now writing.--It is at least picturesque and accurately -descriptive, if it has no other merit.--There is an idea of truth in an -agreeable landscape taken from nature, which pleases me more than the -gayest fiction which the most luxuriant fancy can display. - -I have other remarks to make; but as my paper is full, I must reserve -them till the next occasion. I shall only observe at present, that I am -determined to penetrate at least forty miles into the Highlands, which -now appear like a vast fantastic vision in the clouds, inviting the -approach of - -Yours always, MATT. BRAMBLE CAMERON, Aug. 28. - -ODE TO LEVEN-WATER - -On Leven's banks, while free to rove, And tune the rural pipe to love; I -envied not the happiest swain That ever trod th' Arcadian plain. - -Pure stream! in whose transparent wave My youthful limbs I wont to -lave; No torrents stain thy limpid source; No rocks impede thy dimpling -course, That sweetly warbles o'er its bed, With white, round, polish'd -pebbles spread; While, lightly pois'd, the scaly brood In myriads cleave -thy crystal flood; The springing trout in speckled pride; The salmon, -monarch of the tide; The ruthless pike, intent on war; The silver eel, -and motled par.* - -Devolving from thy parent lake, A charming maze thy waters make, By -bow'rs of birch, and groves of pine, And hedges flow'r'd with eglantine. - -Still on thy banks so gayly green, May num'rous herds and flocks be -seen, And lasses chanting o'er the pail, And shepherds piping in the -dale, And ancient faith that knows no guile, And industry imbrown'd with -toil, And hearts resolv'd, and hands prepar'd, The blessings they enjoy -to guard. - - * The par is a small fish, not unlike the smelt, which it - rivals in delicacy and flavour. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -If I was disposed to be critical, I should say this house of Cameron is -too near the lake, which approaches, on one side, to within six or seven -yards of the window. It might have been placed in a higher site, which -would have afforded a more extensive prospect and a drier atmosphere; -but this imperfection is not chargeable on the present proprietor, who -purchased it ready built, rather than be at the trouble of repairing his -own family-house of Bonhill, which stands two miles from hence on the -Leven, so surrounded with plantation, that it used to be known by the -name of the Mavis (or thrush) Nest. Above that house is a romantic glen -or clift of a mountain, covered with hanging woods having at bottom a -stream of fine water that forms a number of cascades in its descent to -join the Leven; so that the scene is quite enchanting. A captain of a -man of war, who had made the circuit of the globe with Mr Anson, being -conducted to this glen, exclaimed, 'Juan Fernandez, by God!' - -Indeed, this country would be a perfect paradise, if it was not, like -Wales, cursed with a weeping climate, owing to the same cause in both, -the neighbourhood of high mountains, and a westerly situation, exposed -to the vapours of the Atlantic ocean. This air, however, notwithstanding -its humidity, is so healthy, that the natives are scarce ever visited by -any other disease than the smallpox, and certain cutaneous evils, which -are the effects of dirty living, the great and general reproach of the -commonalty of this kingdom. Here are a great many living monuments of -longaevity; and among the rest a person, whom I treat with singular -respect, as a venerable druid, who has lived near ninety years, -without pain or sickness, among oaks of his own planting.--He was once -proprietor of these lands; but being of a projecting spirit, some of -his schemes miscarried, and he was obliged to part with his possession, -which hath shifted hands two or three times since that period; but every -succeeding proprietor hath done every thing in his power, to make -his old age easy and comfortable. He has a sufficiency to procure -the necessaries of life; and he and his old woman reside in a small -convenient farm-house, having a little garden which he cultivates with -his own hands. This ancient couple live in great health, peace, and -harmony, and, knowing no wants, enjoy the perfection of content. Mr -Smollet calls him the admiral, because he insists upon steering his -pleasure-boat upon the lake; and he spends most of his time in ranging -through the woods, which he declares he enjoys as much as if they were -still his own property--I asked him the other day, if he was never sick, -and he answered, Yes; he had a slight fever the year before the union. -If he was not deaf, I should take much pleasure in his conversation; for -he is very intelligent, and his memory is surprisingly retentive--These -are the happy effects of temperance, exercise, and good nature-- -Notwithstanding all his innocence, however, he was the cause of great -perturbation to my man Clinker, whose natural superstition has been -much injured, by the histories of witches, fairies, ghosts, and goblins, -which he has heard in this country--On the evening after our arrival, -Humphry strolled into the wood, in the course of his meditation, and all -at once the admiral stood before him, under the shadow of a spreading -oak. Though the fellow is far from being timorous in cases that are not -supposed preternatural, he could not stand the sight of this apparition, -but ran into the kitchen, with his hair standing on end, staring wildly, -and deprived of utterance. Mrs Jenkins, seeing him in this condition, -screamed aloud, 'Lord have mercy upon us, he has seen something!' Mrs -Tabitha was alarmed, and the whole house in confusion. When he was -recruited with a dram, I desired him to explain the meaning of all this -agitation; and, with some reluctance, he owned he had seen a spirit, -in the shape of an old man with a white beard, a black cap, and a plaid -night-gown. He was undeceived by the admiral in person, who, coming in -at this juncture, appeared to be a creature of real flesh and blood. - -Do you know how we fare in this Scottish paradise? We make free with our -landlord's mutton, which is excellent, his poultry-yard, his garden, -his dairy, and his cellar, which are all well stored. We have delicious -salmon, pike, trout, perch, par, &c. at the door, for the taking. The -Frith of Clyde, on the other side of the hill, supplies us with mullet, -red and grey, cod, mackarel, whiting, and a variety of sea-fish, -including the finest fresh herrings I ever tasted. We have sweet, juicy -beef, and tolerable veal, with delicate bread from the little town of -Dunbritton; and plenty of partridge, growse, heath cock, and other game -in presents. - -We have been visited by all the gentlemen in the neighbourhood, and they -have entertained us at their houses, not barely with hospitality, but -with such marks of cordial affection, as one would wish to find among -near relations, after an absence of many years. - -I told you, in my last, I had projected an excursion to the Highlands, -which project I have now happily executed, under the auspices of Sir -George Colquhoun, a colonel in the Dutch service, who offered himself -as our conductor on this occasion. Leaving our women at Cameron, to -the care and inspection of Lady H-- C--, we set out on horseback for -Inverary, the county town of Argyle, and dined on the road with the -Laird of Macfarlane, the greatest genealogist I ever knew in any -country, and perfectly acquainted with all the antiquities of Scotland. - -The Duke of Argyle has an old castle in Inverary, where he resides when -he is in Scotland; and hard by is the shell of a noble Gothic palace, -built by the last duke, which, when finished, will be a great ornament -to this part of the Highlands. As for Inverary, it is a place of very -little importance. - -This country is amazingly wild, especially towards the mountains, which -are heaped upon the backs of one another, making a most stupendous -appearance of savage nature, with hardly any signs of cultivation, or -even of population. All is sublimity, silence, and solitude. The people -live together in glens or bottoms, where they are sheltered from the -cold and storms of winter: but there is a margin of plain ground spread -along the sea side, which is well inhabited and improved by the arts of -husbandry; and this I take to be one of the most agreeable tracts of the -whole island; the sea not only keeps it warm, and supplies it with fish, -but affords one of the most ravishing prospects in the whole world; I -mean the appearance of the Hebrides, or Western Islands to the number -of three hundred, scattered as far as the eye can reach, in the most -agreeable confusion. As the soil and climate of the Highlands are but -ill adapted to the cultivation of corn, the people apply themselves -chiefly to the breeding and feeding of black cattle, which turn to good -account. Those animals run wild all the winter, without any shelter or -subsistence, but what they can find among the heath. When the snow lies -so deep and hard, that they cannot penetrate to the roots of the grass, -they make a diurnal progress, guided by a sure instinct, to the seaside -at low water, where they feed on the alga marina, and other plants that -grow upon the beach. - -Perhaps this branch of husbandry, which required very little attendance -and labour, is one of the principal causes of that idleness and want of -industry, which distinguishes these mountaineers in their own country. -When they come forth into the world, they become as diligent and alert -as any people upon earth. They are undoubtedly a very distinct species -from their fellow subjects of the Lowlands, against whom they indulge -an ancient spirit of animosity; and this difference is very discernible -even among persons of family and education. The Lowlanders are generally -cool and circumspect, the Highlanders fiery and ferocious:' but this -violence of their passions serves only to inflame the zeal of their -devotion to strangers, which is truly enthusiastic. - -We proceeded about twenty miles beyond Inverary, to the house of a -gentleman, a friend of our conductor, where we stayed a few days, and -were feasted in such a manner, that I began to dread the consequence to -my constitution. - -Notwithstanding the solitude that prevails among these mountains, there -is no want of people in the Highlands. I am credibly informed that the -duke of Argyle can assemble five thousand men in arms, of his own clan -and surname, which is Campbell; and there is besides a tribe of the same -appellation, whose chief' is the Earl of Breadalbine. The Macdonalds -are as numerous, and remarkably warlike: the Camerons, M'Leods, Frasers, -Grants, M'Kenzies, M'Kays, M'Phersons, M'Intoshes, are powerful clans; -so that if all the Highlanders, including the inhabitants of the Isles, -were united, they could bring into the field an army of forty thousand -fighting men, capable of undertaking the most dangerous enterprize. We -have lived to see four thousand of them, without discipline, throw -the whole kingdom of Great Britain into confusion. They attacked and -defeated two armies of regular troops accustomed to service. They -penetrated into the centre of England; and afterwards marched back -with deliberation, in the face of two other armies, through an enemy's -country, where every precaution was taken to cut off their retreat. I -know not any other people in Europe, who, without the use or knowledge -of arms, will attack regular forces sword in hand, if their chief -will head them in battle. When disciplined, they cannot fail of being -excellent soldiers. They do not walk like the generality of mankind, but -trot and bounce like deer, as if they moved upon springs. They greatly -excel the Lowlanders in all the exercises that require agility; they are -incredibly abstemious, and patient of hunger and fatigue,--so steeled -against the weather, that in travelling, even when the ground is covered -with snow, they never look for a house, or any other shelter but their -plaid, in which they wrap themselves up, and go to sleep under the cope -of heaven. Such people, in quality of soldiers, must be invincible, -when the business is to perform quick marches in a difficult country, -to strike sudden strokes, beat up the enemy's quarters, harrass their -cavalry, and perform expeditions without the formality of magazines, -baggage, forage, and artillery. The chieftainship of the Highlanders -is a very dangerous influence operating at the extremity of the island, -where the eyes and hands of government cannot be supposed to see [and] -act with precision and vigour. In order to break the force of clanship, -administration has always practised the political maxim, Divide et -impera. The legislature hath not only disarmed these mountaineers, but -also deprived them of their antient garb, which contributed in a great -measure to keep up their military spirit; and their slavish tenures are -all dissolved by act of parliament; so that they are at present as -free and independent of their chiefs, as the law can make them: but the -original attachment still remains, and is founded on something prior to -the feudal system, about which the writers of this age have made such a -pother, as if it was a new discovery, like the Copernican system. Every -peculiarity of policy, custom, and even temperament, is affectedly -traced to this origin, as if the feudal constitution had not been common -to almost all the natives of Europe. For my part, I expect to see the -use of trunk-hose and buttered ale ascribed to the influence of the -feudal system. The connection between the clans and their chiefs is, -without all doubt, patriarchal. It is founded on hereditary regard -and affection, cherished through a long succession of ages. The clan -consider the chief as their father, they bear his name, they believe -themselves descended from his family, and they obey him as their lord, -with all the ardour of filial love and veneration; while he, on his -part, exerts a paternal authority, commanding, chastising, rewarding, -protecting, and maintaining them as his own children. If the legislature -would entirely destroy this connection, it must compel the Highlanders -to change their habitation and their names. Even this experiment has -been formerly tried without success--In the reign of James VI a battle -was fought within a few short miles of this place, between two clans, -the M'Gregors and the Colquhouns, in which the latter were defeated: the -Laird of M'Gregor made such a barbarous use of his victory, that he was -forfeited and outlawed by act of parliament: his lands were given to the -family of Montrose, and his clan were obliged to change their name. -They obeyed so far, as to call themselves severally Campbell, Graham, or -Drummond, the surnames of the families of Argyle, Montrose, and Perth, -that they might enjoy the protection of those houses; but they still -added M'Gregor to their new appellation; and as their chief was deprived -of his estate, they robbed and plundered for his subsistence.--Mr -Cameron of Lochiel, the chief of that clan, whose father was attainted -for having been concerned in the last rebellion, returning from France -in obedience to a proclamation and act of parliament, passed at the -beginning of the late war, payed a visit to his own country, and hired a -farm in the neighbourhood of his father's house, which had been burnt -to the ground. The clan, though ruined and scattered, no sooner heard of -his arrival than they flocked to him from all quarters, to welcome his -return, and in a few days stocked his farm with seven hundred black -cattle, which they had saved in the general wreck of their affairs: but -their beloved chief, who was a promising youth, did not live to enjoy -the fruits of their fidelity and attachment. - -The most effectual method I know to weaken, and at length destroy this -influence, is to employ the commonalty in such a manner as to give them -a taste of property and independence. In vain the government grants them -advantageous leases on the forfeited estates, if they have no property -to prosecute the means of improvement--The sea is an inexhaustible fund -of riches; but the fishery cannot be carried on without vessels, casks, -salt, lines, nets, and other tackle. I conversed with a sensible man of -this country, who, from a real spirit of patriotism had set up a fishery -on the coast, and a manufacture of coarse linen, for the employment of -the poor Highlanders. Cod is here in such plenty, that he told me he -had seen several hundred taken on one line, at one hawl--It must be -observed, however, that the line was of immense length, and had two -thousand hooks, baited with muscles; but the fish was so superior to -the cod caught on the banks of Newfoundland, that his correspondent at -Lisbon sold them immediately at his own price, although Lent was just -over when they arrived, and the people might be supposed quite cloyed -with this kind of diet--His linen manufacture was likewise in a -prosperous way, when the late war intervening, all his best hands were -pressed into the service. - -It cannot be expected, that the gentlemen of this country should execute -commercial schemes to render their vassals independent; nor, indeed, are -such schemes suited to their way of life and inclination; but a company -of merchants might, with proper management, turn to good account a -fishery established in this part of Scotland--Our people have a strange -itch to colonize America, when the uncultivated parts of our own island -might be settled to greater advantage. - -After having rambled through the mountains and glens of Argyle, we -visited the adjacent islands of Ila, Jura, Mull, and Icomkill. In the -first, we saw the remains of a castle, built in a lake, where Macdonald, -lord or king of the isles, formerly resided. Jura is famous for having -given birth to one Mackcrain, who lived one hundred and eighty years -in one house, and died in the reign of Charles the Second. Mull affords -several bays, where there is safe anchorage: in one of which, the -Florida, a ship of the Spanish armada, was blown up by one of Mr -Smollett's ancestors--About forty years ago, John duke of Argyle is -said to have consulted the Spanish registers, by which it appeared, -that this ship had the military chest on board--He employed experienced -divers to examine the wreck; and they found the hull of the vessel still -entire, but so covered with sand, that they could not make their way -between decks; however, they picked up several pieces of plate, that -were scattered about in the bay, and a couple of fine brass cannon. - -Icolmkill, or Iona, is a small island which St Columba chose for his -habitation--It was respected for its sanctity, and college or seminary -of ecclesiastics--Part of its church is still standing, with the -tombs of several Scottish, Irish, and Danish sovereigns, who were -here interred--These islanders are very bold and dexterous watermen, -consequently the better adapted to the fishery: in their manners they -are less savage and impetuous than their countrymen on the continent; -and they speak the Erse or Gaelick in its greatest purity. - -Having sent round our horses by land, we embarked in the distinct of -Cowal, for Greenock, which is a neat little town, on the other side of -the Frith, with a curious harbour formed by three stone jetties, carried -out a good way into the sea--Newport-Glasgow is such another place, -about two miles higher up. Both have a face of business and plenty, and -are supported entirely by the shipping of Glasgow, of which I counted -sixty large vessels in these harbours--Taking boat again at Newport, -we were in less than an hour landed on the other side, within two short -miles of our head-quarters, where we found our women in good health and -spirits. They had been two days before joined by Mr. Smollett and his -lady, to whom we have such obligations as I cannot mention, even to you, -without blushing. - -To-morrow we shall bid adieu to the Scotch Arcadia, and begin our -progress to the southward, taking our way by Lanerk and Nithsdale, -to the west borders of England. I have received so much advantage and -satisfaction from this tour, that if my health suffers no revolution in -the winter, I believe I shall be tempted to undertake another -expedition to the Northern extremity of Caithness, unencumbered by those -impediments which now clog the heels of, - -Yours, MATT. BRAMBLE CAMERON, Sept. 6. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAREST LETTY, - -Never did poor prisoner long for deliverance, more than I have longed -for an opportunity to disburthen my cares into your friendly bosom; -and the occasion which now presents itself, is little less than -miraculous--Honest Saunders Macawly, the travelling Scotchman, who goes -every year to Wales, is now at Glasgow, buying goods, and coming to pay -his respects to our family, has undertaken to deliver this letter -into your own hand--We have been six weeks in Scotland, and seen the -principal towns of the kingdom, where we have been treated with -great civility--The people are very courteous; and the country being -exceedingly romantic, suits my turn and inclinations--I contracted some -friendships at Edinburgh, which is a large and lofty city, full of gay -company; and, in particular, commenced an intimate correspondence with -one miss R--t--n, an amiable young lady of my own age, whose charms -seemed to soften, and even to subdue the stubborn heart of my brother -Jery; but he no sooner left the place than he relapsed into his former -insensibility--I feel, however, that this indifference is not the family -constitution--I never admitted but one idea of love, and that has taken -such root in my heart, as to be equally proof against all the pulls of -discretion, and the frosts of neglect. - -Dear Letty! I had an alarming adventure at the hunters ball in -Edinburgh--While I sat discoursing with a friend in a corner, all at -once the very image of Wilson stood before me, dressed exactly as he was -in the character of Aimwell! It was one Mr Gordon, whom I had not seen -before--Shocked at the sudden apparition, I fainted away, and threw the -whole assembly in confusion--However, the cause of my disorder remained -a secret to every body but my brother, who was likewise struck with -the resemblance, and scolded after we came home--I am very sensible -of Jery's affection, and know he spoke as well with a view to my own -interest and happiness, as in regard to the honour of the family; but -I cannot bear to have my wounds probed severely--I was not so much -affected by the censure he passed upon my own indiscretion, as with the -reflection he made on the conduct of Wilson. He observed, that if he -was really the gentleman he pretended to be, and harboured nothing but -honourable designs, he would have vindicated his pretensions in the face -of day--This remark made a deep impression upon my mind--I endeavoured -to conceal my thoughts; and this endeavour had a bad effect upon my -health and spirits; so it was thought necessary that I should go to the -Highlands, and drink the goat-milk-whey. - -We went accordingly to Lough Lomond, one of the most enchanting spots -in the whole world; and what with this remedy, which I had every morning -fresh from the mountains, and the pure air, and chearful company, I -have recovered my flesh and appetite; though there is something still -at bottom, which it is not in the power of air, exercise, company, or -medicine to remove--These incidents would not touch me so nearly, if I -had a sensible confidant to sympathize with my affliction, and comfort -me with wholesome advice--I have nothing of this kind, except Win -Jenkins, who is really a good body in the main, but very ill qualified -for such an office--The poor creature is weak in her nerves, as well -as in her understanding; otherwise I might have known the true name and -character of that unfortunate youth--But why do I call him unfortunate? -perhaps the epithet is more applicable to me for having listened to the -false professions of--But, hold! I have as yet no right, and sure I have -no inclination to believe any thing to the prejudice of his honour--In -that reflection I shall still exert my patience. As for Mrs Jenkins, she -herself is really an object of compassion--Between vanity, methodism, -and love, her head is almost turned. I should have more regard for her, -however, if she had been more constant in the object of her affection; -but, truly, she aimed at conquest, and flirted at the same time with my -uncle's footman, Humphrey Clinker, who is really a deserving young man, -and one Dutton, my brother's valet de chambre, a debauched fellow; who, -leaving Win in the lurch, ran away with another man's bride at Berwick. - -My dear Willis, I am truly ashamed of my own sex--We complain of -advantages which the men take of our youth, inexperience, insensibility, -and all that; but I have seen enough to believe, that our sex in general -make it their business to ensnare the other; and for this purpose, -employ arts which are by no means to be justified--In point of -constancy, they certainly have nothing to reproach the male part of -the creation--My poor aunt, without any regard to her years and -imperfections, has gone to market with her charms in every place where -she thought she had the least chance to dispose of her person, which, -however, hangs still heavy on her hands--I am afraid she has used even -religion as a decoy, though it has not answered her expectation--She has -been praying, preaching, and catechising among the methodists, with -whom this country abounds; and pretends to have such manifestations and -revelations, as even Clinker himself can hardly believe, though the poor -fellow is half crazy with enthusiasm. As for Jenkins, she affects -to take all her mistress's reveries for gospel. She has also her -heart-heavings and motions of the spirit; and God forgive me if I think -uncharitably, but all this seems to me to be downright hypocrisy and -deceit--Perhaps, indeed, the poor girl imposes on herself--She is -generally in a flutter, and is much subject to vapours--Since we came -to Scotland, she has seen apparitions, and pretends to prophesy--If I -could put faith in all these supernatural visitations, I should think -myself abandoned of grace; for I have neither seen, heard, nor felt -anything of this nature, although I endeavour to discharge the duties -of religion with all the sincerity, zeal, and devotion, that is in the -power of, - -Dear Letty, your ever affectionate, LYDIA MELFORD GLASGOW, Sept. 7. - -We are so far on our return to Brambleton-hall; and I would fain hope -we shall take Gloucester in our way, in which case I shall have the -inexpressible pleasure of embracing my dear Willis--Pray remember me to -my worthy governess. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MARY, - -Sunders Macully, the Scotchman, who pushes directly for Vails, has -promised to give it you into your own hand, and therefore I would not -miss the opportunity to let you know as I am still in the land of the -living: and yet I have been on the brink of the other world since I sent -you my last letter.--We went by sea to another kingdom called Fife, and -coming back, had like to have gone to pot in a storm.--What between the -frite and sickness, I thought I should have brought my heart up; even -Mr Clinker was not his own man for eight and forty hours after we -got ashore. It was well for some folks that we scaped drownding; for -mistress was very frexious, and seemed but indifferently prepared for -a change; but, thank God, she was soon put in a better frame by the -private exaltations of the reverend Mr Macrocodile.--We afterwards -churned to Starling and Grascow, which are a kiple of handsome towns; -and then we went to a gentleman's house at Loff-Loming, which is a -wonderful sea of fresh water, with a power of hylands in the midst -on't.--They say as how it has n'er a bottom, and was made by a musician -and, truly, I believe it; for it is not in the coarse of nature.--It has -got waves without wind, fish without fins, and a floating hyland; and -one of them is a crutch-yard, where the dead are buried; and always -before the person dies, a bell rings of itself to give warning. - -O Mary! this is the land of congyration--The bell knolled when we -were there--I saw lights, and heard lamentations.--The gentleman, our -landlord, has got another house, which he was fain to quit, on account -of a mischievous ghost, that would not suffer people to lie in their -beds. The fairies dwell in a hole of Kairmann, a mounting hard by; and -they steal away the good women that are in the straw, if so be as how -there a'n't a horshoe nailed to the door: and I was shewn an ould vitch, -called Elspath Ringavey, with a red petticoat, bleared eyes, and a mould -of grey bristles on her sin.--That she mought do me no harm, I crossed -her hand with a taster, and bid her tell my fortune; and she told me -such things descriving Mr Clinker to a hair--but it shall ne'er be said, -that I minchioned a word of the matter.--As I was troubled with fits, -she advised me to bathe in the loff, which was holy water; and so I -went in the morning to a private place along with the house-maid, and -we bathed in our birth-day soot, after the fashion of the country; and -behold whilst we dabbled in the loff, sir George Coon started up with a -gun; but we clapt our hands to our faces, and passed by him to the place -where we had left our smocks--A civil gentleman would have turned his -head another way.--My comfit is, he knew not which was which; and, as -the saying is, all cats in the dark are grey--Whilst we stayed at -Loff-Loming, he and our two squires went three or four days churning -among the wild men of the mountings; a parcel of selvidges that lie in -caves among the rocks, devour young children, speak Velch, but the vords -are different. Our ladies would not part with Mr Clinker, because he is -so stout and so pyehouse, that he fears neither man nor devils, if so be -as they don't take him by surprise.--Indeed, he was once so flurried by -an operition, that he had like to have sounded.--He made believe as if -it had been the ould edmiral; but the old edmiral could not have made -his air to stand on end, and his teeth to shatter; but he said so in -prudence, that the ladies mought not be afear'd. Miss Liddy has been -puny, and like to go into a decline--I doubt her pore art is too -tinder--but the got's-fey has set her on her legs again.--You nows -got's-fey is mother's milk to a Velch woman. As for mistress, blessed be -God, she ails nothing.--Her stomick is good, and she improves in grease -and godliness; but, for all that, she may have infections like other -people, and I believe, she wouldn't be sorry to be called your ladyship, -whenever sir George thinks proper to ax the question--But, for my part, -whatever I may see or hear, not a praticle shall ever pass the lips of, - -Dear Molly, Your loving friend, WIN. JENKINS GRASCO, Sept. 7. - -Remember me, as usual, to Sall.--We are now coming home, though not the -nearest road.--I do suppose, I shall find the kitten a fine boar at my -return. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -Once more I tread upon English ground, which I like not the worse for -the six weeks' ramble I have made among the woods and mountains of -Caledonia; no offence to the land of cakes, where bannocks grow upon -straw. I never saw my uncle in such health and spirits as he now enjoys. -Liddy is perfectly recovered; and Mrs Tabitha has no reason to complain. -Nevertheless, I believe, she was, till yesterday, inclined to give the -whole Scotch nation to the devil, as a pack of insensible brutes, upon -whom her accomplishments had been displayed in vain.--At every place -where we halted, did she mount the stage, and flourished her rusty arms, -without being able to make one conquest. One of her last essays was -against the heart of Sir George Colquhoun, with whom she fought all -the weapons more than twice over.--She was grave and gay by turns--she -moralized and methodized--she laughed, and romped, and danced, and sung, -and sighed, and ogled, and lisped, and fluttered, and flattered--but all -was preaching to the desart. The baronet, being a well-bred man, carried -his civilities as far as she could in conscience expect, and, if evil -tongues are to be believed, some degrees farther; but he was too much a -veteran in gallantry, as well as in war, to fall into any ambuscade that -she could lay for his affection--While we were absent in the Highlands, -she practised also upon the laird of Ladrishmore, and even gave him -the rendezvous in the wood of Drumscailloch; but the laird had such -a reverend care of his own reputation, that he came attended with the -parson of the parish, and nothing passed but spiritual communication. -After all these miscarriages, our aunt suddenly recollected lieutenant -Lismahago, whom, ever since our first arrival at Edinburgh, she seemed -to have utterly forgot; but now she expressed her hopes of seeing him at -Dumfries, according to his promise. - -We set out from Glasgow by the way of Lanerk, the county-town of -Clydesdale, in the neighbourhood of which, the whole river Clyde, -rushing down a steep rock, forms a very noble and stupendous cascade. -Next day we were obliged to halt in a small borough, until the carriage, -which had received some damage, should be repaired; and here we met -with an incident which warmly interested the benevolent spirit of Mr -Bramble--As we stood at the window of an inn that fronted the public -prison, a person arrived on horseback, genteelly, tho' plainly, dressed -in a blue frock, with his own hair cut short, and a gold-laced hat upon -his head.--Alighting, and giving his horse to the landlord, he advanced -to an old man who was at work in paving the street, and accosted him in -these words: 'This is hard work for such an old man as you.'--So -saying, he took the instrument out of his hand, and began to thump the -pavement.--After a few strokes, 'Have you never a son (said he) to ease -you of this labour?' 'Yes, an please Your honour (replied the senior), -I have three hopeful lads, but, at present, they are out of the way.' -'Honour not me (cried the stranger); but more becomes me to honour your -grey hairs. Where are those sons you talk of?' The ancient paviour said, -his eldest son was a captain in the East Indies; and the youngest had -lately inlisted as a soldier, in hopes of prospering like his brother. -The gentleman desiring to know what was become of the second, he wiped -his eyes, and owned, he had taken upon him his old father's debts, for -which he was now in the prison hard by. - -The traveller made three quick steps towards the jail, then turning -short, 'Tell me (said he), has that unnatural captain sent you nothing -to relieve your distress?' 'Call him not unnatural (replied the other); -God's blessing be upon him! he sent me a great deal of money; but I made -a bad use of it; I lost it by being security for a gentleman that was -my landlord, and was stript of all I had in the world besides.' At that -instant a young man, thrusting out his head and neck between two iron -bars in the prison-window, exclaimed, 'Father! father! if my brother -William is in life, that's he!' 'I am!--I am!--(cried the stranger, -clasping the old man in his arms, and shedding a flood of tears)--I -am your son Willy, sure enough!' Before the father, who was quite -confounded, could make any return to this tenderness, a decent old woman -bolting out from the door of a poor habitation, cried, 'Where is my -bairn? where is my dear Willy?'--The captain no sooner beheld her, than -he quitted his father, and ran into her embrace. - -I can assure you, my uncle, who saw and heard every thing that passed, -was as much moved as any one of the parties concerned in this pathetic -recognition--He sobbed, and wept, and clapped his hands, and hollowed, -and finally ran down into the street. By this time, the captain had -retired with his parents, and all the inhabitants of the place were -assembled at the door.--Mr Bramble, nevertheless, pressed thro' the -crowd, and entering the house, 'Captain (said he), I beg the favour of -your acquaintance. I would have travelled a hundred miles to see this -affecting scene; and I shall think myself happy if you and your parents -will dine with me at the public house.' The captain thanked him for his -kind invitation, which, he said, he would accept with pleasure; but in -the mean time, he could not think of eating or drinking, while his poor -brother was in trouble. He forthwith deposited a sum equal to the debt -in the hands of the magistrate, who ventured to set his brother at -liberty without farther process; and then the whole family repaired to -the inn with my uncle, attended by the crowd, the individuals of which -shook their townsman by the hand, while he returned their caresses -without the least sign of pride or affectation. - -This honest favourite of fortune, whose name was Brown, told my uncle, -that he had been bred a weaver, and, about eighteen years ago, had, -from a spirit of idleness and dissipation, enlisted as a soldier in the -service of the East-India company; that, in the course of duty, he had -the good fortune to attract the notice and approbation of Lord Clive, -who preferred him from one step to another, till he attained the rank -of captain and pay-master to the regiment, in which capacities he -had honestly amassed above twelve thousand pounds, and, at the peace, -resigned his commission.--He had sent several remittances to his father, -who received the first only, consisting of one hundred pounds; the -second had fallen into the hands of a bankrupt; and the third had been -consigned to a gentleman of Scotland, who died before it arrived; so -that it still remained to be accounted for by his executors. He now -presented the old man with fifty pounds for his present occasions, over -and above bank notes for one hundred, which he had deposited for his -brother's release.--He brought along with him a deed ready executed, by -which he settled a perpetuity of four-score pounds upon his parents, to -be inherited by their other two sons after their decease.--He promised -to purchase a commission for his youngest brother; to take the other as -his own partner in a manufacture which he intended to set up, to give -employment and bread to the industrious; and to give five hundred -pounds, by way of dower, to his sister, who had married a farmer in low -circumstances. Finally, he gave fifty pounds to the poor of the town -where he was born, and feasted all the inhabitants without exception. - -My uncle was so charmed with the character of captain Brown, that he -drank his health three times successively at dinner--He said, he was -proud of his acquaintance; that he was an honour to his country, and -had in some measure redeemed human nature from the reproach of pride, -selfishness, and ingratitude.--For my part, I was as much pleased -with the modesty as with the filial virtue of this honest soldier, -who assumed no merit from his success, and said very little of his own -transactions, though the answers he made to our inquiries were equally -sensible and laconic, Mrs Tabitha behaved very graciously to him until -she understood that he was going to make a tender of his hand to a -person of low estate, who had been his sweet-heart while he worked as -a journeyman weaver.--Our aunt was no sooner made acquainted with this -design, than she starched up her behaviour with a double proportion of -reserve; and when the company broke up, she observed with a toss of her -nose, that Brown was a civil fellow enough, considering the lowness of -his original; but that Fortune, though she had mended his circumstances, -was incapable to raise his ideas, which were still humble and plebeian. - -On the day that succeeded this adventure, we went some miles out of our -road to see Drumlanrig, a seat belonging to the duke of Queensberry, -which appears like a magnificent palace erected by magic, in the midst -of a wilderness.--It is indeed a princely mansion, with suitable parks -and plantations, rendered still more striking by the nakedness of -the surrounding country, which is one of the wildest tracts in all -Scotland.--This wildness, however, is different from that of the -Highlands; for here the mountains, instead of heath, are covered with a -fine green swarth, affording pasture to innumerable flocks of sheep. But -the fleeces of this country, called Nithsdale, are not comparable to the -wool of Galloway, which is said to equal that of Salisbury plain. Having -passed the night at the castle of Drumlanrig, by invitation from -the duke himself, who is one of the best men that ever breathed, we -prosecuted our journey to Dumfries, a very elegant trading town near -the borders of England, where we found plenty of good provision and -excellent wine, at very reasonable prices, and the accommodation as good -in all respects as in any part of South-Britain. If I was confined to -Scotland for life, I would chuse Dumfries as the place of my residence. -Here we made enquiries about captain Lismahago, of whom hearing no -tidings, we proceeded by the Solway Frith, to Carlisle. You must know, -that the Solway sands, upon which travellers pass at low water, are -exceedingly dangerous, because, as the tide makes, they become quick -in different places, and the flood rushes in so impetuously, that the -passengers are often overtaken by the sea and perish. - -In crossing these treacherous Syrtes with a guide, we perceived a -drowned horse, which Humphry Clinker, after due inspection, declared to -be the very identical beast which Mr Lismahago rode when he parted with -us at Feltonbridge in Northumberland. This information, which seemed -to intimate that our friend the lieutenant had shared the fate of his -horse, affected us all, and above all our aunt Tabitha, who shed salt -tears, and obliged Clinker to pull a few hairs out of the dead horse's -tail, to be worn in a ring as a remembrance of his master: but her grief -and ours was not of long duration; for one of the first persons we saw -in Carlisle, was the lieutenant in propria persona, bargaining with -a horse-dealer for another steed, in the yard of the inn where we -alighted.--Mrs Bramble was the first that perceived him, and screamed -as if she had seen a ghost; and, truly, at a proper time and place, he -might very well have passed for an inhabitant of another world; for -he was more meagre and grim than before.--We received him the more -cordially for having supposed he had been drowned; and he was not -deficient in expressions of satisfaction at this meeting. He told us, -he had enquired for us at Dumfries, and been informed by a travelling -merchant from Glasgow, that we had resolved to return by the way of -Coldstream. He said, that in passing the sands without a guide, his -horse had knocked up, and he himself must have perished, if he had not -been providentially relieved by a return post-chaise.--He moreover gave -us to understand, that his scheme of settling in his own country having -miscarried, he was so far on his way to London, with a view to embark -for North-America, where he intended to pass the rest of his days among -his old friends the Miamis, and amuse himself in finishing the education -of the son he had by his beloved Squinkinacoosta. - -This project was by no means agreeable to our good aunt, who expatiated -upon the fatigues and dangers that would attend such a long voyage -by sea, and afterwards such a tedious journey by land--She enlarged -particularly on the risque he would run, with respect to the concerns -of his precious soul, among savages who had not yet received the glad -tidings of salvation; and she hinted that his abandoning Great-Britain -might, perhaps, prove fatal to the inclinations of some deserving -person, whom he was qualified to make happy for life. My uncle, who is -really a Don Quixote in generosity, understanding that Lismahago's real -reason for leaving Scotland was the impossibility of subsisting in it -with any decency upon the wretched provision of a subaltern's half-pay, -began to be warmly interested on the side of compassion.--He thought -it very hard, that a gentleman who had served his country with honour, -should be driven by necessity to spend his old age, among the refuse of -mankind, in such a remote part of the world.--He discoursed with me upon -the subject; observing, that he would willingly offer the lieutenant an -asylum at Brambleton-hall, if he did not foresee that his singularities -and humour of contradiction would render him an intolerable housemate, -though his conversation at some times might be both instructive and -entertaining: but, as there seemed to be something particular in -his attention to Mrs Tabitha, he and I agreed in opinion, that this -intercourse should be encouraged and improved, if possible, into a -matrimonial union; in which case there would be a comfortable provision -for both; and they might be settled in a house of their own, so that Mr -Bramble should have no more of their company than he desired. - -In pursuance of this design, Lismahago has been invited to pass the -winter at Brambleton-hall, as it will be time enough to execute his -American project in the spring.--He has taken time to consider of this -proposal; mean while, he will keep us company as far as we travel in the -road to Bristol, where he has hopes of getting a passage for America. -I make no doubt but that he will postpone his voyage, and prosecute his -addresses to a happy consummation; and sure, if it produces any -fruit, it must be of a very peculiar flavour. As the weather continues -favourable, I believe, we shall take the Peak of Derbyshire and Buxton -Wells in our way.--At any rate, from the first place where we make any -stay, you shall hear again from - -Yours always, J. MELFORD CARLISLE, Sep. 12. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -The peasantry of Scotland are certainly on a poor footing all over the -kingdom; and yet they look better, and are better cloathed than those -of the same rank in Burgundy, and many other places of France and Italy; -nay, I will venture to say they are better fed, notwithstanding -the boasted wine of these foreign countries. The country people of -North-Britain live chiefly on oat-meal, and milk, cheese, butter, -and some garden-stuff, with now and then a pickled-herring, by way of -delicacy; but flesh-meat they seldom or never taste; nor any kind of -strong liquor, except two-penny, at times of uncommon festivity--Their -breakfast is a kind of hasty pudding, of oat-meal or pease-meal, eaten -with milk. They have commonly pottage for dinner, composed of cale or -cole, leeks, barley or big, and butter; and this is reinforced with -bread and cheese, made of skimmed-milk--At night they sup on sowens or -flummery of oat-meal--In a scarcity of oats, they use the meal of barley -and pease, which is both nourishing and palatable. Some of them have -potatoes; and you find parsnips in every peasant's garden--They are -cloathed with a coarse kind of russet of their own making, which is -both decent and warm--They dwell in poor huts, built of loose stones and -turf, without any mortar, having a fireplace or hearth in the middle, -generally made of an old mill-stone, and a hole at top to let out the -smoke. - -These people, however, are content, and wonderfully sagacious--All of -them read the Bible, and are even qualified to dispute upon the -articles of their faith; which in those parts I have seen, is entirely -Presbyterian. I am told, that the inhabitants of Aberdeenshire are still -more acute. I once knew a Scotch gentleman at London, who had declared -war against this part of his countrymen; and swore that the impudence -and knavery of the Scots, in that quarter, had brought a reproach upon -the whole nation. - -The river Clyde, above Glasgow, is quite pastoral; and the banks of it -are every where adorned with fine villas. From the sea to its source, -we may reckon the seats of many families of the first rank, such as the -duke of Argyle at Roseneath, the earl of Bute in the isle of that name, -the earl of Glencairn at Finlayston, lord Blantyre at Areskine, the -dutchess of Douglas at Bothwell, duke Hamilton at Hamilton, the duke of -Douglas at Douglas, and the earl of Hyndford at Carmichael. Hamilton is -a noble palace, magnificently furnished; and hard by is the village of -that name, one of the neatest little towns I have seen in any country. -The old castle of Douglas being burned to the ground by accident, the -late duke resolved, as head of the first family of Scotland, to have the -largest house in the kingdom, and ordered a plan for this purpose; but -there was only one wing of it finished when he died. It is to be hoped -that his nephew, who is now in possession of his great fortune, will -complete the design of his predecessor--Clydesdale is in general -populous and rich, containing a great number of gentlemen, who -are independent in their fortune; but it produces more cattle than -corn--This is also the case with Tweedale, through part of which -we passed, and Nithsdale, which is generally rough, wild, and -mountainous--These hills are covered with sheep; and this is the small -delicious mutton, so much preferable to that of the London-market. As -their feeding costs so little, the sheep are not killed till five years -old, when their flesh, juices, and flavour are in perfection; but their -fleeces are much damaged by the tar, with which they are smeared to -preserve them from the rot in winter, during which they run wild night -and day, and thousands are lost under huge wreaths of snow--'Tis pity -the farmers cannot contrive some means to shelter this useful animal -from the inclemencies of a rigorous climate, especially from the -perpetual rains, which are more prejudicial than the greatest extremity -of cold weather. - -On the little river Nid, is situated the castle of Drumlanrig, one -of the noblest seats in Great-Britain, belonging to the duke of -Queensberry; one of those few noblemen whose goodness of heart does -honour to human-nature--I shall not pretend to enter into a description -of this palace, which is really an instance of the sublime in -magnificence, as well as in situation, and puts one in mind of the -beautiful city of Palmyra, rising like a vision in the midst of -the wilderness. His grace keeps open house, and lives with great -splendour--He did us the honour to receive us with great courtesy, and -detain'd us all night, together with above twenty other guests, with all -their servants and horses to a very considerable number--The dutchess -was equally gracious, and took our ladies under her immediate -protection. The longer I live, I see more reason to believe that -prejudices of education are never wholly eradicated, even when they -are discovered to be erroneous and absurd. Such habits of thinking as -interest the grand passions, cleave to the human heart in such a manner, -that though an effort of reason may force them from their hold for a -moment, this violence no sooner ceases, than they resume their grasp -with an increased elasticity and adhesion. - -I am led into this reflection, by what passed at the duke's table after -supper. The conversation turned upon the vulgar notions of spirits and -omens, that prevail among the commonalty of North-Britain, and all the -company agreed, that nothing could be more ridiculous. One gentleman, -however, told a remarkable story of himself, by way of speculation -'Being on a party of hunting in the North (said he), I resolved to visit -an old friend, whom I had not seen for twenty years--So long he had been -retired and sequestered from all his acquaintance, and lived in a moping -melancholy way, much afflicted with lowness of spirits, occasioned by -the death of his wife, whom he had loved with uncommon affection. As he -resided in a remote part of the country, and we were five gentlemen with -as many servants, we carried some provision with us from the next market -town, lest we should find him unprepared for our reception. The roads -being bad, we did not arrive at the house till two o'clock in the -afternoon; and were agreeably surprised to find a very good dinner ready -in the kitchen, and the cloth laid with six covers. My friend himself -appeared in his best apparel at the gate, and received us with open -arms, telling me he had been expecting us these two hours. Astonished at -this declaration, I asked who had given him intelligence of our coming? -and he smiled without making any other reply. However, presuming upon -our former intimacy, I afterwards insisted upon knowing; and he told me, -very gravely, he had seen me in a vision of the second sight--Nay, he -called in the evidence of his steward, who solemnly declared, that his -master had the day before apprised him of my coming, with four other -strangers, and ordered him to provide accordingly; in consequence of -which intimation, he had prepared the dinner which we were now eating; -and laid the covers according to the number foretold.' The incident -we all owned to be remarkable, and I endeavoured to account for it by -natural means. I observed, that as the gentleman was of a visionary -turn, the casual idea, or remembrance of his old friend, might suggest -those circumstances, which accident had for once realized; but that in -all probability he had seen many visions of the same kind, which were -never verified. None of the company directly dissented from my opinion; -but from the objections that were hinted, I could plainly perceive that -the majority were persuaded there was something more extraordinary in -the case. - -Another gentleman of the company, addressing himself to me, 'Without all -doubt (said he), a diseased imagination is very apt to produce visions; -but we must find some other method to account for something of this -kind, that happened within these eight days in my neighbourhood--A -gentleman of a good family, who cannot be deemed a visionary in any -sense of the word, was near his own gate, in the twilight, visited by -his grandfather, who has been dead these fifteen years--The spectre was -mounted seemingly on the very horse he used to ride, with an angry and -terrible countenance, and said something, which his grandson, in the -confusion of fear, could not understand. But this was not all--He lifted -up a huge horse whip, and applied it with great violence to his back -and shoulders, on which I saw the impression with my own eyes. The -apparition was afterwards seen by the sexton of the parish, hovering -about the tomb where his body lies interred; as the man declared to -several persons in the village, before he knew what had happened to the -gentleman--Nay, he actually came to me as a justice of the peace, in -order to make oath of these particulars, which, however, I declined -administering. As for the grandson of the defunct, he is a sober, -sensible, worldly minded fellow, too intent upon schemes of interest to -give in to reveries. He would have willingly concealed the affair; but -he bawled out in the first transport of his fear, and, running into -the house, exposed his back and his sconce to the whole family; so that -there was no denying it in the sequel. It is now the common discourse of -the country, that this appearance and behaviour of the old man's spirit, -portends some great calamity to the family, and the good-woman has -actually taken to her bed in this apprehension.' - -Though I did not pretend to explain this mystery, I said, I did not at -all doubt, but it would one day appear to be a deception; and, in all -probability, a scheme executed by some enemy of the person who had -sustained the assault; but still the gentleman insisted upon the -clearness of the evidence, and the concurrence of testimony, by which -two creditable witnesses, without any communication one with another, -affirmed the appearance of the same man, with whose person they were -both well acquainted--From Drumlanrig we pursued the course of the Nid -to Dumfries, which stands seven miles above the place where the river -falls into the sea; and is, after Glasgow, the handsomest town I have -seen in Scotland. The inhabitants, indeed, seem to have proposed that -city as their model; not only in beautifying their town and regulating -its police, but, also in prosecuting their schemes of commerce and -manufacture, by which they are grown rich and opulent. - -We re-entered England, by the way of Carlisle, where we accidentally -met with our friend Lismahago, whom we had in vain inquired after at -Dumfries and other places--It would seem that the captain, like the -prophets of old, is but little honoured in his own country, which he -has now renounced for ever--He gave me the following particulars of his -visit to his native soil--In his way to the place of his nativity, he -learned that his nephew had married the daughter of a burgeois, who -directed a weaving manufacture, and had gone into partnership with his -father-in-law: chagrined with this information, he had arrived at the -gate in the twilight, where he heard the sound of treddles in the great -hall, which had exasperated him to such a degree, that he had like to -have lost his senses: while he was thus transported with indignation, -his nephew chanced to come forth, when, being no longer master of his -passion, he cried, 'Degenerate rascal! you have made my father's house a -den of thieves;' and at the same time chastised him with his -horse-whip; then, riding round the adjoining village, he had visited -the burying-ground of his ancestors by moon-light; and, having paid -his respects to their manes, travelled all night to another part of -the country--Finding the head of the family in such a disgraceful -situation, all his own friends dead or removed from the places of their -former residence, and the expence of living increased to double of what -it had been, when he first left his native country, he had bid it an -eternal adieu, and was determined to seek for repose among the forests -of America. - -I was no longer at a loss to account for the apparition, which had -been described at Drumlanrig; and when I repeated the story to the -lieutenant, he was much pleased to think his resentment had been so much -more effectual than he intended; and he owned, he might at such an hour, -and in such an equipage, very well pass for the ghost of his father, -whom he was said greatly to resemble--Between friends, I fancy Lismahago -will find a retreat without going so far as the wigwams of the Miamis. -My sister Tabby is making continual advances to him, in the way of -affection; and, if I may trust to appearances, the captain is disposed -to take opportunity by the forelock. For my part, I intend to encourage -this correspondence, and shall be glad to see them united--In that case, -we shall find a way to settle them comfortably in our own neighbourhood. -I, and my servants, will get rid of a very troublesome and tyrannic -gouvernante; and I shall have the benefit of Lismahago's conversation, -without being obliged to take more of his company than I desire; for -though an olla is a high-flavoured dish, I could not bear to dine upon -it every day of my life. - -I am much pleased with Manchester, which is one of the most agreeable -and flourishing towns in Great-Britain; and I perceive that this is -the place which hath animated the spirit, and suggested the chief -manufactures of Glasgow. We propose to visit Chatsworth, the Peak, -and Buxton, from which last place we shall proceed directly homewards, -though by easy journies. If the season has been as favourable in Wales -as in the North, your harvest is happily finished; and we have nothing -left to think of but our October, of which let Barns be properly -reminded. You will find me much better in flesh than I was at our -parting; and this short separation has given a new edge to those -sentiments of friendship with which I always have been, and ever shall -be, - -Yours, MATT. BRAMBLE MANCHESTER, Sept. 15. - - - - -To Mrs GWILLIM, house-keeper at Brambleton-hall. - -MRS GWYLLIM, - -It has pleased Providence to bring us safe back to England, and partake -us in many pearls by land and water, in particular the Devil's Harse -a pike, and Hoyden's Hole, which hath got no bottom; and, as we are -drawing huomwards, it may be proper to uprise you, that Brambleton-hall -may be in condition to receive us, after this long gurney to the islands -of Scotland. By the first of next month you may begin to make constant -fires in my brother's chamber and mine; and burn a fagget every day in -the yellow damask room: have the tester and curtains dusted, and -the featherbed and matrosses well haired, because, perhaps, with the -blissing of haven, they may be yoosed on some occasion. Let the ould -hogsheads be well skewred and seasoned for bear, as Mat is resolved to -have his seller choak fool. - -If the house was mine, I would turn over a new leaf--I don't see why -the sarvants of Wales shouldn't drink fair water, and eat hot cakes and -barley cale, as they do in Scotland, without troubling the botcher -above once a quarter--I hope you keep accunt of Roger's purseeding in -reverence to the buttermilk. I expect my dew when I come huom, without -baiting an ass, I'll assure you.--As you must have layed a great many -more eggs than would be eaten, I do suppose there is a power of turks, -chickings, and guzzling about the house; and a brave kergo of cheese -ready for market; and that the owl has been sent to Crickhowel, saving -what the maids spun in the family. - -Pray let the whole house and furniture have a thorough cleaning from top -to bottom, for the honour of Wales; and let Roger search into, and make -a general clearance of the slit holes, which the maids have in secret; -for I know they are much given to sloth and uncleanness. I hope you have -worked a reformation among them, as I exhorted you in my last, and set -their hearts upon better things than they can find in junkitting and -caterwauling with the fellows of the country. - -As for Win Jenkins, she has undergone a perfect metamurphysis, and is -become a new creeter from the ammunition of Humphry Clinker, our new -footman, a pious young man, who has laboured exceedingly, that she may -bring forth fruits of repentance. I make no doubt but he will take the -same pains with that pert hussey Mary Jones, and all of you; and that -he may have power given to penetrate and instill his goodness, even into -your most inward parts, is the fervent prayer of - -Your friend in the spirit, TAB. BRAMBLE Septr. 18. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR LEWIS, - -Lismahago is more paradoxical than ever.--The late gulp he had of his -native air, seems to have blown fresh spirit into all his polemical -faculties. I congratulated him the other day on the present flourishing -state of his country, observing that the Scots were now in a fair way -to wipe off the national reproach of poverty, and expressing my -satisfaction at the happy effects of the union, so conspicuous in -the improvement of their agriculture, commerce, manufactures, and -manners--The lieutenant, screwing up his features into a look of dissent -and disgust, commented on my remarks to this effect--'Those who reproach -a nation for its poverty, when it is not owing to the profligacy or vice -of the people, deserve no answer. The Lacedaemonians were poorer than -the Scots, when they took the lead among all the free states of Greece, -and were esteemed above them all for their valour and their virtue. The -most respectable heroes of ancient Rome, such as Fabricius, Cincinnatus, -and Regulus, were poorer than the poorest freeholder in Scotland; and -there are at this day individuals in North-Britain, one of whom can -produce more gold and silver than the whole republic of Rome could raise -at those times when her public virtue shone with unrivalled lustre; and -poverty was so far from being a reproach, that it added fresh laurels -to her fame, because it indicated a noble contempt of wealth, which was -proof against all the arts of corruption--If poverty be a subject -for reproach, it follows that wealth is the object of esteem and -veneration--In that case, there are Jews and others in Amsterdam and -London, enriched by usury, peculation, and different species of fraud -and extortion, who are more estimable than the most virtuous and -illustrious members of the community. An absurdity which no man in his -senses will offer to maintain.--Riches are certainly no proof of merit: -nay they are often (if not most commonly) acquired by persons of sordid -minds and mean talents: nor do they give any intrinsic worth to the -possessor; but, on the contrary, tend to pervert his understanding, and -render his morals more depraved. But, granting that poverty were really -matter of reproach, it cannot be justly imputed to Scotland. No country -is poor that can supply its inhabitants with the necessaries of life, -and even afford articles for exportation. Scotland is rich in natural -advantages: it produces every species of provision in abundance, vast -herds of cattle and flocks of sheep, with a great number of horses; -prodigious quantities of wool and flax, with plenty of copse wood, and -in some parts large forests of timber. The earth is still more rich -below than above the surface. It yields inexhaustible stores of coal, -free-stone, marble, lead, iron, copper, and silver, with some gold. The -sea abounds with excellent fish, and salt to cure them for exportation; -and there are creeks and harbours round the whole kingdom, for the -convenience and security of navigation. The face of the country displays -a surprising number of cities, towns, villas, and villages, swarming -with people; and there seems to be no want of art, industry, government, -and police: such a kingdom can never be called poor, in any sense of the -word, though there may be many others more powerful and opulent. But the -proper use of those advantages, and the present prosperity of the Scots, -you seem to derive from the union of the two kingdoms!' - -I said, I supposed he would not deny that the appearance of the country -was much mended; that the people lived better, had more trade, and a -greater quantity of money circulating since the union, than before. -'I may safely admit these premises (answered the lieutenant), without -subscribing to your inference. The difference you mention, I should -take to be the natural progress of improvement--Since that period, other -nations, such as the Swedes, the Danes, and in particular the French, -have greatly increased in commerce, without any such cause assigned. -Before the union, there was a remarkable spirit of trade among the -Scots, as appeared in the case of their Darien company, in which they -had embarked no less than four hundred thousand pounds sterling; and in -the flourishing state of the maritime towns in Fife, and on the eastern -coast, enriched by their trade with France, which failed in consequence -of the union. The only solid commercial advantage reaped from that -measure, was the privilege of trading to the English plantations; yet, -excepting Glasgow and Dumfries, I don't know any other Scotch towns -concerned in that traffick. In other respects, I conceive the Scots were -losers by the union.--They lost the independency of their state, the -greatest prop of national spirit; they lost their parliament, and their -courts of justice were subjected to the revision and supremacy of an -English tribunal.' - -'Softly, captain (cried I), you cannot be said to have lost your own -parliament, while you are represented in that of Great-Britain.' 'True -(said he, with a sarcastic grin), in debates of national competition, -the sixteen peers and forty-five commoners of Scotland, must make a -formidable figure in the scale, against the whole English legislature.' -'Be that as it may (I observed) while I had the honour to sit in the -lower house, the Scotch members had always the majority on their side.' -'I understand you, Sir (said he), they generally side with the majority; -so much the worse for their constituents. But even this evil is not the -worst they have sustained by the union. Their trade has been saddled -with grievous impositions, and every article of living severely taxed, -to pay the interest of enormous debts, contracted by the English, in -support of measures and connections in which the Scots had no interest -nor concern.' I begged he would at least allow, that by the union the -Scots were admitted to all the privileges and immunities of English -subjects; by which means multitudes of them were provided for in the -army and navy, and got fortunes in different parts of England, and its -dominions. 'All these (said he) become English subjects to all intents -and purposes, and are in a great measure lost to their mother-country. -The spirit of rambling and adventure has been always peculiar to the -natives of Scotland. If they had not met with encouragement in England, -they would have served and settled, as formerly, in other countries, -such as Muscovy, Sweden, Denmark, Poland, Germany, France, Piedmont, and -Italy, in all which nations their descendants continue to flourish even -at this day.' - -By this time my patience began to fail and I exclaimed, 'For God's -sake, what has England got by this union which, you say, has been so -productive of misfortune to the Scots.' 'Great and manifold are the -advantages which England derives from the union (said Lismahago, in -a solemn tone). First and foremost, the settlement of the protestant -succession, a point which the English ministry drove with such -eagerness, that no stone was left unturned, to cajole and bribe a few -leading men, to cram the union down the throats of the Scottish nation, -who were surprisingly averse to the expedient. They gained by it a -considerable addition of territory, extending their dominion to the sea -on all sides of the island, thereby shutting up all back-doors against -the enterprizes of their enemies. They got an accession of above a -million of useful subjects, constituting a never-failing nursery of -seamen, soldiers, labourers, and mechanics; a most valuable acquisition -to a trading country, exposed to foreign wars, and obliged to maintain -a number of settlements in all the four quarters of the globe. In the -course of seven years, during the last war, Scotland furnished the -English army and navy with seventy thousand men, over and above those -who migrated to their colonies, or mingled with them at home in the -civil departments of life. This was a very considerable and seasonable -supply to a nation, whose people had been for many years decreasing in -number, and whose lands and manufactures were actually suffering for -want of hands. I need not remind you of the hackneyed maxim, that, to a -nation in such circumstances, a supply of industrious people is a -supply of wealth; nor repeat an observation, which is now received as -an eternal truth, even among the English themselves, that the Scots who -settle in South-Britain are remarkably sober, orderly, and industrious.' - -I allowed the truth of this remark, adding, that by their industry, -oeconomy, and circumspection, many of them in England, as well as in her -colonies, amassed large fortunes, with which they returned to their own -country, and this was so much lost to South-Britain.--'Give me leave, -sir (said he), to assure you, that in your fact you are mistaken, and -in your deduction erroneous. Not one in two hundred that leave Scotland -ever returns to settle in his own country; and the few that do -return, carry thither nothing that can possibly diminish the stock of -South-Britain; for none of their treasure stagnates in Scotland--There -is a continual circulation, like that of the blood in the human body, -and England is the heart, to which all the streams which it distributes -are refunded and returned: nay, in consequence of that luxury which our -connexion with England hath greatly encouraged, if not introduced, -all the produce of our lands, and all the profits of our trade, are -engrossed by the natives of South-Britain; for you will find that the -exchange between the two kingdoms is always against Scotland; and -that she retains neither gold nor silver sufficient for her own -circulation.--The Scots, not content with their own manufactures and -produce, which would very well answer all necessary occasions, seem to -vie with each other in purchasing superfluities from England; such as -broad-cloth, velvets, stuffs, silks, lace, furs, jewels, furniture of -all sorts, sugar, rum, tea, chocolate and coffee; in a word, not only -every mode of the most extravagant luxury, but even many articles of -convenience, which they might find as good, and much cheaper in their -own country. For all these particulars, I conceive, England may touch -about one million sterling a-year.--I don't pretend to make an exact -calculation; perhaps, it may be something less, and perhaps, a great -deal more. The annual revenue arising from all the private estates of -Scotland cannot fall short of a million sterling; and, I should imagine, -their trade will amount to as much more.--I know the linen manufacture -alone returns near half a million, exclusive of the home-consumption -of that article.--If, therefore, North-Britain pays a ballance of a -million annually to England, I insist upon it, that country is -more valuable to her in the way of commerce, than any colony in her -possession, over and above the other advantages which I have specified: -therefore, they are no friends, either to England or to truth, who -affect to depreciate the northern part of the united kingdom.' - -I must own, I was at first a little nettled to find myself schooled in -so many particulars.--Though I did not receive all his assertions -as gospel, I was not prepared to refute them; and I cannot help now -acquiescing in his remarks so far as to think, that the contempt for -Scotland, which prevails too much on this side the Tweed, is founded on -prejudice and error.--After some recollection, 'Well, captain (said I), -you have argued stoutly for the importance of your own country: for my -part, I have such a regard for our fellow-subjects of North-Britain, -that I shall be glad to see the day, when your peasants can afford to -give all their oats to their cattle, hogs, and poultry, and indulge -themselves with good wheaten loaves, instead of such poor, unpalatable, -and inflammatory diet.' Here again I brought my self into a premunire -with the disputative Caledonian. He said he hoped he should never see -the common people lifted out of that sphere for which they were intended -by nature and the course of things; that they might have some reason to -complain of their bread, if it were mixed, like that of Norway, with saw -dust and fish-bones; but that oatmeal was, he apprehended, as nourishing -and salutary as wheat-flour, and the Scots in general thought it at -least as savoury.--He affirmed, that a mouse, which, in the article of -self-preservation, might be supposed to act from infallible instinct, -would always prefer oats to wheat, as appeared from experience; for, in -a place where there was a parcel of each, that animal has never begun -to feed upon the latter till all the oats were consumed: for their -nutritive quality, he appealed to the hale, robust constitutions of -the people who lived chiefly upon oatmeal; and, instead of being -inflammatory, he asserted, that it was a cooling sub-acid, balsamic and -mucilaginous; insomuch, that in all inflammatory distempers, recourse -was had to water-gruel, and flummery made of oatmeal. - -'At least (said I), give me leave to wish them such a degree of commerce -as may enable them to follow their own inclinations.'--'Heaven forbid! -(cried this philosopher). Woe be to that nation, where the multitude is -at liberty to follow their own inclinations! Commerce is undoubtedly -a blessing, while restrained within its proper channels; but a glut -of wealth brings along with it a glut of evils: it brings false taste, -false appetite, false wants, profusion, venality, contempt of order, -engendering a spirit of licentiousness, insolence, and faction, that -keeps the community in continual ferment, and in time destroys all the -distinctions of civil society; so that universal anarchy and uproar must -ensue. Will any sensible man affirm, that the national advantages of -opulence are to be sought on these terms?' 'No, sure; but I am one of -those who think, that, by proper regulations, commerce may produce every -national benefit, without the allay of such concomitant evils.' - -So much for the dogmata of my friend Lismahago, whom I describe the -more circumstantially, as I firmly believe he will set up his rest in -Monmouthshire. Yesterday, while I was alone with him he asked, in some -confusion, if I should have any objection to the success of a gentleman -and a soldier, provided he should be so fortunate as to engage my -sister's affection. I answered without hesitation, that my sister was -old enough to judge for herself; and that I should be very far from -disapproving any resolution she might take in his favour.--His eyes -sparkled at this declaration. He declared, he should think himself the -happiest man on earth to be connected with my family; and that he should -never be weary of giving me proofs of his gratitude and attachment. I -suppose Tabby and he are already agreed; in which case, we shall have -a wedding at Brambleton-hall, and you shall give away the bride.--It is -the least thing you can do, by way of atonement for your former cruelty -to that poor love-sick maiden, who has been so long a thorn in the side -of - - -Yours, MATT. BRAMBLE Sept. 20. - -We have been at Buxton; but, as I did not much relish either the company -or the accommodations, and had no occasion for the water, we stayed but -two nights in the place. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -Adventures begin to thicken as we advance to the southward. Lismahago -has now professed himself the admirer of our aunt, and carries on his -addresses under the sanction of her brother's approbation; so that we -shall certainly have a wedding by Christmas. I should be glad you was -present at the nuptials, to help me throw the stocking, and perform -other ceremonies peculiar to that occasion.--I am sure it will be -productive of some diversion; and, truly, it would be worth your while -to come across the country on purpose to see two such original figures -in bed together, with their laced night caps; he, the emblem of good -cheer, and she, the picture of good nature. All this agreeable prospect -was clouded, and had well nigh vanished entirely, in consequence of -a late misunderstanding between the future brothers-in-law, which, -however, is now happily removed. - -A few days ago, my uncle and I, going to visit a relation, met with lord -Oxmington at his house, who asked us to dine with him, next day, and we -accepted the invitation.--Accordingly, leaving our women under the -care of captain Lismahago, at the inn where we had lodged the preceding -night, in a little town, about a mile from his lordship's dwelling, we -went at the hour appointed, and had a fashionable meal served up with -much ostentation to a company of about a dozen persons, none of whom -he had ever seen before.--His lordship is much more remarkable for his -pride and caprice, than for his hospitality and understanding; and, -indeed, it appeared, that he considered his guests merely as objects to -shine upon, so as to reflect the lustre of his own magnificence--There -was much state, but no courtesy; and a great deal of compliment without -any conversation.--Before the desert was removed, our noble entertainer -proposed three general toasts; then calling for a glass of wine, and -bowing all round, wished us a good afternoon. This was the signal for -the company to break up, and they obeyed it immediately, all except our -'squire who was greatly shocked at the manner of this dismission--He -changed countenance, bit his lip in silence, but still kept his seat, -so that his lordship found himself obliged to give us another hint, by -saying, he should be glad to see us another time. 'There is no time like -the present (cried Mr Bramble); your lordship has not yet drank a -bumper to the best in Christendom.' 'I'll drink no more bumpers to-day -(answered our landlord); and I am sorry to see you have drank too -many.--Order the gentleman's carriage to the gate.'--So saying, he rose -and retired abruptly; our 'squire starting up at the same time, laying -his hand upon his sword, and eyeing him with a most ferocious aspect. -The master having vanished in this manner, our uncle bad one of the -servants to see what was to pay; and the fellow answering, 'This is no -inn,' 'I cry you mercy (cried the other), I perceive it is not; if it -were, the landlord would be more civil. There's a guinea, however; take -it, and tell your lord, that I shall not leave the country till I -have had the opportunity to thank him in person for his politeness and -hospitality.' - -We then walked down stairs through a double range of lacqueys, and -getting into the chaise, proceeded homewards. Perceiving the 'squire -much ruffled, I ventured to disapprove of his resentment, observing, -that as lord Oxmington was well known to have his brain very ill -timbered, a sensible man should rather laugh, than be angry at his -ridiculous want of breeding.--Mr Bramble took umbrage at my presuming to -be wiser than he upon this occasion; and told me, that as he had always -thought for himself in every occurrence in life, he would still use the -same privilege, with my good leave. - -When we returned to our inn, he closeted Lismahago; and having explained -his grievance, desired that gentleman to go and demand satisfaction of -lord Oxmington in his name.--The lieutenant charged himself with this -commission, and immediately set out a horseback for his lordship's -house, attended, at his own request, by my man Archy Macalpine, who had -been used to military service; and truly, if Macalpine had been mounted -upon an ass, this couple might have passed for the knight of La Mancha -and his 'squire Panza. It was not till after some demur that Lismahago -obtained a private audience, at which he formally defied his lordship to -single combat, in the name of Mr Bramble, and desired him to appoint -the time and place. Lord Oxmington was so confounded at this unexpected -message, that he could not, for some time, make any articulate reply; -but stood staring at the lieutenant with manifest marks of perturbation. -At length, ringing a bell with great vehemence, he exclaimed, 'What! -a commoner send a challenge to a peer of the realm!--Privilege! -privilege!--Here's a person brings me a challenge from the Welshman that -dined at my table--An impudent fellow.--My wine is not yet out of his -head.' - -The whole house was immediately in commotion.--Macalpine made a -soldierly retreat with two horses; but the captain was suddenly -surrounded and disarmed by the footmen, whom a French valet de chambre -headed in this exploit; his sword was passed through a close-stool, and -his person through the horse-pond. In this plight he returned to -the inn, half mad with his disgrace. So violent was the rage of his -indignation, that he mistook its object.--He wanted to quarrel with Mr -Bramble; he said, he had been dishonoured on his account, and he looked -for reparation at his hands.--My uncle's back was up in a moment; and he -desired him to explain his pretensions.--'Either compel lord Oxmington -to give me satisfaction (cried he), or give it me in your own person.' -'The latter part of the alternative is the most easy and expeditious -(replied the 'squire, starting up): if you are disposed for a walk, I'll -attend you this moment.' - -Here they were interrupted by Mrs Tabby, who had overheard all that -passed.--She now burst into the room, and running betwixt them, in great -agitation, 'Is this your regard for me (said she to the lieutenant), to -seek the life of my brother?' Lismahago, who seemed to grow cool as my -uncle grew hot, assured her he had a very great respect for Mr Bramble, -but he had still more for his own honour, which had suffered pollution; -but if that could be once purified, he should have no further cause of -dissatisfaction. The 'squire said, he should have thought it incumbent -upon him to vindicate the lieutenant's honour; but, as he had now carved -for himself, he might swallow and digest it as well as he could--In a -word, what betwixt the mediation of Mrs Tabitha, the recollection of -the captain, who perceived he had gone too far, and the remonstrances -of your humble servant, who joined them at this juncture, those two -originals were perfectly reconciled; and then we proceeded to deliberate -upon the means of taking vengeance for the insults they had received -from the petulant peer; for, until that aim should be accomplished, -Mr Bramble swore, with great emphasis, that he would not leave the inn -where we now lodged, even if he should pass his Christmas on the spot. - -In consequence of our deliberations, we next day, in the forenoon, -proceeded in a body to his lordship's house, all of us, with our -servants, including the coachman, mounted a-horseback, with our pistols -loaded and ready primed.--Thus prepared for action, we paraded solemnly -and slowly before his lordship's gate, which we passed three times in -such a manner, that he could not but see us, and suspect the cause -of our appearance.--After dinner we returned, and performed the same -cavalcade, which was again repeated the morning following; but we had no -occasion to persist in these manoeuvres. About noon, we were visited by -the gentleman, at whose house we had first seen lord Oxmington.--He now -came to make apologies in the name of his lordship, who declared he had -no intention to give offence to my uncle, in practising what had been -always the custom of his house; and that as for the indignities which -had been put upon the officer, they were offered without his Lordship's -knowledge, at the instigation of his valet de chambre.--'If that be the -case (said my uncle, in a peremptory tone), I shall be contented -with lord Oxmington's personal excuses; and I hope my friend will be -satisfied with his lordship's turning that insolent rascal out of his -service.'--'Sir (cried Lismahago), I must insist upon taking personal -vengeance for the personal injuries I have sustained.' - -After some debate, the affair was adjusted in this manner.--His -lordship, meeting us at our friend's house, declared he was sorry for -what had happened; and that he had no intention to give umbrage.--The -valet de chambre asked pardon of the lieutenant upon his knees, when -Lismahago, to the astonishment of all present, gave him a violent kick -on the face, which laid him on his back, exclaiming in a furious tone, -'Oui je te pardonne, gens foutre.' - -Such was the fortunate issue of this perilous adventure, which -threatened abundance of vexation to our family; for the 'squire is one -of those who will sacrifice both life and fortune, rather than leave -what they conceive to be the least speck or blemish upon their honour -and reputation. His lordship had no sooner pronounced his apology, with -a very bad grace, than he went away in some disorder, and, I dare say, -he will never invite another Welchman to his table. - -We forthwith quitted the field of this atchievement, in order to -prosecute our journey; but we follow no determinate course. We make -small deviations, to see the remarkable towns, villas, and curiosities -on each side of our route; so that we advance by slow steps towards the -borders of Monmouthshire: but in the midst of these irregular motions, -there is no abberration nor eccentricity in that affection with which I -am, dear Wat, - - -Yours always, J. MELFORD Sept. 28. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -At what time of life may a man think himself exempted from the necessity -of sacrificing his repose to the punctilios of a contemptible world? I -have been engaged in a ridiculous adventure, which I shall recount at -meeting; and this, I hope, will not be much longer delayed, as we have -now performed almost all our visits, and seen every thing that I think -has any right to retard us in our journey homewards--A few days ago, -understanding by accident, that my old friend Baynard was in the -country, I would not pass so near his habitation without paying him a -visit, though our correspondence had been interrupted for a long course -of years. - -I felt my self very sensibly affected by the idea of our past intimacy, -as we approached the place where we had spent so many happy days -together; but when we arrived at the house, I could not recognize -any one of those objects, which had been so deeply impressed upon my -remembrance--The tall oaks that shaded the avenue, had been cut down, -and the iron gates at the end of it removed, together with the high wall -that surrounded the court yard. The house itself, which was formerly a -convent of Cistercian monks, had a venerable appearance: and along the -front that looked into the garden, was a stone gallery, which afforded -me many an agreeable walk, when I was disposed to be contemplative. Now -the old front is covered with a screen of modern architecture; so that -all without is Grecian, and all within Gothic. As for the garden, which -was well stocked with the best fruit which England could produce, -there is not now the least vestage remaining of trees, walls, or -hedges--Nothing appears but a naked circus of loose sand, with a dry -bason and a leaden triton in the middle. - -You must know, that Baynard, at his father's death, had a clear estate -of fifteen hundred pounds a-year, and was in other respects extremely -well qualified to make a respectable figure in the commonwealth; -but, what with some excesses of youth, and the expence of a contested -election, he in a few years found himself encumbered with a debt of ten -thousand pounds, which he resolved to discharge by means of a prudent -marriage. He accordingly married a miss Thomson, whose fortune amounted -to double the sum that he owed--She was the daughter of a citizen, who -had failed in trade; but her fortune came by an uncle, who died in the -East-Indies--Her own parents being dead, she lived with a maiden aunt, -who had superintended her education; and, in all appearance, was well -enough qualified for the usual purposes of the married state--Her -virtues, however, stood rather upon a negative, than a positive -foundation--She was neither proud, insolent, nor capricious, nor given -to scandal, nor addicted to gaming, nor inclined to gallantry. She could -read, and write, and dance, and sing, and play upon the harpsichord, -and smatter French, and take a hand at whist and ombre; but even these -accomplishments she possessed by halves--She excelled in nothing. -Her conversation was flat, her stile mean, and her expression -embarrassed--In a word, her character was totally insipid. Her person -was not disagreeable; but there was nothing graceful in her address, nor -engaging in her manners; and she was so ill qualified to do the honours -of the house, that when she sat at the head of the table, one was always -looking for the mistress of the family in some other place. - -Baynard had flattered himself, that it would be no difficult matter -to mould such a subject after his own fashion, and that she would -chearfully enter into his views, which were wholly turned to domestic -happiness. He proposed to reside always in the country, of which he was -fond to a degree of enthusiasm; to cultivate his estate, which was very -improvable; to enjoy the exercise of rural diversions; to maintain an -intimacy of correspondence with some friends that were settled in -his neighbourhood; to keep a comfortable house, without suffering his -expence to exceed the limits of his income; and to find pleasure and -employ merit for his wife in the management and avocations of her own -family--This, however, was a visionary scheme, which he never was able -to realize. His wife was as ignorant as a new-born babe of everything -that related to the conduct of a family; and she had no idea of a -country-life. Her understanding did not reach so far as to comprehend -the first principles of discretion; and, indeed, if her capacity had -been better than it was, her natural indolence would not have permitted -her to abandon a certain routine, to which she had been habituated. She -had not taste enough to relish any rational enjoyment; but her ruling -passion was vanity, not that species which arises from self-conceit -of superior accomplishments, but that which is of a bastard and idiot -nature, excited by shew and ostentation, which implies not even the -least consciousness of any personal merit. - -The nuptial peal of noise and nonsense being rung out in all the usual -changes, Mr Baynard thought it high time to make her acquainted with -the particulars of the plan which he had projected--He told her that his -fortune, though sufficient to afford all the comforts of life, was not -ample enough to command all the superfluities of pomp and pageantry, -which, indeed, were equally absurd and intolerable--He therefore hoped -she would have no objection to their leaving London in the spring, when -he would take the opportunity to dismiss some unnecessary domestics, -whom he had hired for the occasion of their marriage--She heard him in -silence, and after some pause, 'So (said she) I am to be buried in the -country!' He was so confounded at this reply, that he could not speak -for some minutes: at length he told her, he was much mortified to find -he had proposed anything that was disagreeable to her ideas--'I am sure -(added he) I meant nothing more than to lay down a comfortable plan of -living within the bounds of our fortune, which is but moderate.' 'Sir -(said she), you are the best judge of your own affairs--My fortune, -I know, does not exceed twenty thousand pounds--Yet, even with that -pittance, I might have had a husband who would not have begrudged me a -house in London'--'Good God! my dear (cried poor Baynard, in the -utmost agitation), you don't think me so sordid--I only hinted what I -thought--But, I don't pretend to impose--' 'Yes, sir (resumed the lady), -it is your prerogative to command, and my duty to obey' So saying, she -burst into tears and retired to her chamber, where she was joined by her -aunt--He endeavoured to recollect himself, and act with vigour of mind -on this occasion; but was betrayed by the tenderness of his nature, -which was the greatest defect of his constitution. He found the aunt -in tears, and the niece in a fit, which held her the best part of eight -hours, at the expiration of which, she began to talk incoherently about -death and her dear husband, who had sat by her all this time, and now -pressed her hand to his lips, in a transport of grief and penitence -for the offence he had given--From thence forward, he carefully avoided -mentioning the country; and they continued to be sucked deeper and -deeper into the vortex of extravagance and dissipation, leading what -is called a fashionable life in town--About the latter end of July, -however, Mrs Baynard, in order to exhibit a proof of conjugal obedience, -desired of her own accord, that they might pay a visit to his country -house, as there was no company left in London. He would have excused -himself from this excursion which was no part of the oeconomical plan he -had proposed; but she insisted upon making this sacrifice to his taste -and prejudices, and away they went with such an equipage as astonished -the whole country. All that remained of the season was engrossed by -receiving and returning visits in the neighbourhood; and, in -this intercourse it was discovered that sir John Chickwell had a -house-steward and one footman in livery more than the complement of -Mr Baynard's household. This remark was made by the aunt at table, and -assented to by the husband, who observed that sir John Chickwell might -very well afford to keep more servants than were found in the family -of a man who had not half his fortune. Mrs Baynard ate no supper that -evening; but was seized with a violent fit, which completed her triumph -over the spirit of her consort. The two supernumerary servants were -added--The family plate was sold for old silver, and a new service -procured; fashionable furniture was provided, and the whole house turned -topsy turvy. - -At their return to London in the beginning of winter, he, with a heavy -heart, communicated these particulars to me in confidence. Before his -marriage, he had introduced me to the lady as his particular friend; -and I now offered in that character, to lay before her the necessity of -reforming her oeconomy, if she had any regard to the interest of her own -family, or complaisance for the inclinations of her husband--But Baynard -declined my offer, on the supposition that his wife's nerves were -too delicate to bear expostulation; and that it would only serve to -overwhelm her with such distress as would make himself miserable. - -Baynard is a man of spirit, and had she proved a termagant, he would -have known how to deal with her; but, either by accident or instinct, -she fastened upon the weak side of his soul, and held it so fast, that -he has been in subjection ever since--I afterwards advised him to carry -her abroad to France or Italy, where he might gratify her vanity for -half the expence it cost him in England: and this advice he followed -accordingly. She was agreeably flattered with the idea of seeing and -knowing foreign parts, and foreign fashions; of being presented to -sovereigns, and living familiarly with princes. She forthwith seized the -hint which I had thrown out on purpose, and even pressed Mr Baynard to -hasten his departure; so that in a few weeks they crossed the sea to -France, with a moderate train, still including the aunt; who was -her bosom counsellor, and abetted her in all her oppositions to her -husband's will--Since that period, I have had little or no opportunity -to renew our former correspondence--All that I knew of his transactions, -amounted to no more than that after an absence of two years, they -returned so little improved in oeconomy, that they launched out into -new oceans of extravagance, which at length obliged him to mortgage his -estate--By this time she had bore him three children, of which the last -only survives, a puny boy of twelve or thirteen, who will be ruined in -his education by the indulgence of his mother. - -As for Baynard, neither his own good sense, nor the dread of indigence, -nor the consideration of his children, has been of force sufficient to -stimulate him into the resolution of breaking at once the shameful spell -by which he seems enchanted--With a taste capable of the most refined -enjoyment, a heart glowing with all the warmth of friendship and -humanity, and a disposition strongly turned to the more rational -pleasures of a retired and country life, he is hurried about in a -perpetual tumult, amidst a mob of beings pleased with rattles, baubles, -and gewgaws, so void of sense and distinction, that even the most acute -philosopher would find it a very hard task to discover for what wise -purpose of providence they were created--Friendship is not to be found; -nor can the amusements for which he sighs be enjoyed within the rotation -of absurdity, to which he is doomed for life. He has long resigned -all views of improving his fortune by management and attention to -the exercise of husbandry, in which he delighted; and as to domestic -happiness, not the least glimpse of hope remains to amuse his -imagination. Thus blasted in all his prospects, he could not fail to -be overwhelmed with melancholy and chagrin, which have preyed upon his -health and spirits in such a manner, that he is now threatened with a -consumption. - -I have given you a sketch of the man, whom the other day I went to -visit--At the gate we found a great number of powdered lacquies, but -no civility--After we had sat a considerable time in the coach, we were -told, that Mr Baynard had rode out, and that his lady was dressing; but -we were introduced to a parlour, so very fine and delicate, that in all -appearance it was designed to be seen only, not inhabited. The chairs -and couches were carved, gilt, and covered with rich damask, so smooth -and slick, that they looked as if they had never been sat upon. There -was no carpet upon the floor, but the boards were rubbed and waxed in -such a manner, that we could not walk, but were obliged to slide -along them; and as for the stove, it was too bright and polished to be -polluted with sea-coal, or stained by the smoke of any gross material -fire--When we had remained above half an hour sacrificing to the -inhospitable powers in the temple of cold reception, my friend Baynard -arrived, and understanding we were in the house, made his appearance, so -meagre, yellow, and dejected, that I really should not have known him, -had I met with him in any other place. Running up to me, with great -eagerness, he strained me in his embrace, and his heart was so full, -that for some minutes he could not speak. Having saluted us all round, -he perceived our uncomfortable situation, and conducting us into another -apartment, which had fire in the chimney, called for chocolate--Then, -withdrawing, he returned with a compliment from his wife, and, in the -mean time, presented his son Harry, a shambling, blear-eyed boy, in the -habit of a hussar; very rude, forward, and impertinent. His father would -have sent him to a boarding-school, but his mamma and aunt would not -hear of his lying out of the house; so that there was a clergyman -engaged as his tutor in the family. - -As it was but just turned of twelve, and the whole house was in -commotion to prepare a formal entertainment, I foresaw it would be -late before we dined, and proposed a walk to Mr Baynard, that we might -converse together freely. In the course of this perambulation, when I -expressed some surprize that he had returned so soon from Italy, he -gave me to understand, that his going abroad had not at all answered the -purpose, for which he left England; that although the expence of living -was not so great in Italy as at home, respect being had to the same rank -of life in both countries, it had been found necessary for him to lift -himself above his usual stile, that he might be on some footing with -the counts, marquises, and cavaliers, with whom he kept company--He was -obliged to hire a great number of servants, to take off a great variety -of rich cloaths, and to keep a sumptuous table for the fashionable -scorocconi of the country; who, without a consideration of this kind, -would not have payed any attention to an untitled foreigner, let his -family or fortune be ever so respectable--Besides, Mrs Baynard was -continually surrounded by a train of expensive loungers, under the -denominations of language-masters, musicians, painters, and ciceroni; -and had actually fallen into the disease of buying pictures and antiques -upon her own judgment, which was far from being infallible--At length -she met with an affront, which gave her disgust to Italy, and drove her -back to England with some precipitation. By means of frequenting the -dutchess of B[edford]'s conversazione, while her grace was at Rome, Mrs -Baynard became acquainted with all the fashionable people of that city, -and was admitted to their assemblies without scruple--Thus favoured, she -conceived too great an idea of her own importance, and when the dutchess -left Rome, resolved to have a conversazione that should leave the -Romans no room to regret her grace's departure. She provided hands for a -musical entertainment, and sent biglietti of invitation to every person -of distinction; but not one Roman of the female sex appeared at her -assembly--She was that night seized with a violent fit, and kept her -bed three days, at the expiration of which she declared that the air of -Italy would be the ruin of her constitution. In order to prevent this -catastrophe, she was speedily removed to Geneva, from whence they -returned to England by the way of Lyons and Paris. By the time they -arrived at Calais, she had purchased such a quantity of silks, stuffs, -and laces, that it was necessary to hire a vessel to smuggle them over, -and this vessel was taken by a custom-house cutter; so that they lost -the whole cargo, which had cost them above eight hundred pounds. - -It now appears, that her travels had produced no effect upon her, but -that of making her more expensive and fantastic than ever: She affected -to lead the fashion, not only in point of female dress, but in every -article of taste and connoisseurship. She made a drawing of the new -facade to the house in the country; she pulled up the trees, and pulled -down the walls of the garden, so as to let in the easterly wind, which -Mr Baynard's ancestors had been at great pains to exclude. To shew her -taste in laying out ground, she seized into her own hand a farm of two -hundred acres, about a mile from the house, which she parcelled out into -walks and shrubberies, having a great bason in the middle, into which -she poured a whole stream that turned two mills, and afforded the best -trout in the country. The bottom of the bason, however, was so ill -secured, that it would not hold the water which strained through the -earth, and made a bog of the whole plantation: in a word, the ground -which formerly payed him one hundred and fifty pounds a year, now cost -him two hundred pounds a year to keep it in tolerable order, over and -above the first expence of trees, shrubs, flowers, turf, and gravel. -There was not an inch of garden ground left about the house, nor a tree -that produced fruit of any kind; nor did he raise a truss of hay, or a -bushel of oats for his horses, nor had he a single cow to afford milk -for his tea; far less did he ever dream of feeding his own mutton, -pigs, and poultry: every article of housekeeping, even the most -inconsiderable, was brought from the next market town, at the distance -of five miles, and thither they sent a courier every morning to fetch -hot rolls for breakfast. In short, Baynard fairly owned that he spent -double his income, and that in a few years he should be obliged to sell -his estate for the payment of his creditors. He said that his wife had -such delicate nerves, and such imbecility of spirit, that she could -neither bear remonstrance, be it ever so gentle, nor practise any scheme -of retrenchment, even if she perceived the necessity of such a measure. -He had therefore ceased struggling against the stream, and endeavoured -to reconcile himself to ruin, by reflecting that his child at least -would inherit his mother's fortune, which was secured to him by the -contract of marriage. - -The detail which he gave me of his affairs, filled me at once with grief -and indignation. I inveighed bitterly against the indiscretion of his -wife, and reproached him with his unmanly acquiescence under the absurd -tyranny which she exerted. I exhorted him to recollect his resolution, -and make one effectual effort to disengage himself from a thraldom, -equally shameful and pernicious. I offered him all the assistance in my -power. I undertook to regulate his affairs, and even to bring about a -reformation in his family, if he would only authorise me to execute the -plan I should form for his advantage. I was so affected by the subject, -that I could not help mingling tears with my remonstrances, and Baynard -was so penetrated with these marks of my affection, that he lost all -power of utterance. He pressed me to his breast with great emotion, and -wept in silence. At length he exclaimed, 'Friendship is undoubtedly the -most precious balm of life! Your words, dear Bramble, have in a great -measure recalled me from an abyss of despondence, in which I have -been long overwhelmed. I will, upon honour, make you acquainted with -a distinct state of my affairs, and, as far as I am able to go, will -follow the course you prescribe. But there are certain lengths which my -nature--The truth is, there are tender connexions, of which a batchelor -has no idea--Shall I own my weakness? I cannot bear the thoughts of -making that woman uneasy'--'And yet (cried I), she has seen you unhappy -for a series of years--unhappy from her misconduct, without ever shewing -the least inclination to alleviate your distress'--'Nevertheless (said -he) I am persuaded she loves me with the most warm affection; but these -are incongruities in the composition of the human mind which I hold to -be inexplicable.' - -I was shocked at his infatuation, and changed the subject, after we had -agreed to maintain a close correspondence for the future. He then gave -me to understand, that he had two neighbours, who, like himself, were -driven by their wives at full speed, in the high road to bankruptcy and -ruin. All the three husbands were of dispositions very different from -each other, and, according to this variation, their consorts were -admirably suited to the purpose of keeping them all three in subjection. -The views of the ladies were exactly the same. They vied in grandeur, -that is, in ostentation, with the wife of Sir Charles Chickwell, who had -four times their fortune; and she again piqued herself upon making an -equal figure with a neighbouring peeress, whose revenue trebled her -own. Here then was the fable of the frog and the ox, realized in four -different instances within the same county: one large fortune, and -three moderate estates, in a fair way of being burst by the inflation of -female vanity; and in three of these instances, three different forms of -female tyranny were exercised. Mr Baynard was subjugated by practising -upon the tenderness of his nature. Mr Milksan, being of a timorous -disposition, truckled to the insolence of a termagant. Mr Sowerby, who -was of a temper neither to be moved by fits, nor driven by menaces, -had the fortune to be fitted with a helpmate, who assailed him with -the weapons of irony and satire; sometimes sneering in the way of -compliment; sometimes throwing out sarcastic comparisons, implying -reproaches upon his want of taste, spirit, and generosity: by which -means she stimulated his passions from one act of extravagance to -another, just as the circumstances of her vanity required. - -All these three ladies have at this time the same number of horses, -carriages, and servants in and out of livery; the same variety of dress; -the same quantity of plate and china; the like ornaments in furniture: -and in their entertainments they endeavour to exceed one another in the -variety, delicacy, and expence of their dishes. I believe it will be -found upon enquiry, that nineteen out of twenty, who are ruined by -extravagance, fall a sacrifice to the ridiculous pride and vanity of -silly women, whose parts are held in contempt by the very men whom they -pillage and enslave. Thank heaven, Dick, that among all the follies -and weaknesses of human nature, I have not yet fallen into that of -matrimony. - -After Baynard and I had discussed all these matters at leisure, we -returned towards the house, and met Jery with our two women, who had -come forth to take the air, as the lady of the mansion had not yet made -her appearance. In short, Mrs Baynard did not produce herself, till -about a quarter of an hour before dinner was upon the table. Then her -husband brought her into the parlour, accompanied by her aunt and son, -and she received us with a coldness of reserve sufficient to freeze the -very soul of hospitality. Though she knew I had been the intimate friend -of her husband, and had often seen me with him in London, she shewed no -marks of recognition or regard, when I addressed myself to her in the -most friendly terms of salutation. She did not even express the common -compliment of, I am glad to see you; or, I hope you have enjoyed your -health since we had the pleasure of seeing you; or some such words of -course: nor did she once open her mouth in the way of welcome to my -sister and my niece: but sat in silence like a statue, with an aspect of -insensibility. Her aunt, the model upon which she had been formed, was -indeed the very essence of insipid formality but the boy was very pert -and impudent, and prated without ceasing. - -At dinner, the lady maintained the same ungracious indifference, never -speaking but in whispers to her aunt; and as to the repast, it was made -up of a parcel of kickshaws, contrived by a French cook, without one -substantial article adapted to the satisfaction of an English appetite. -The pottage was little better than bread soaked in dishwashings, -lukewarm. The ragouts looked as if they had been once eaten and half -digested: the fricassees were involved in a nasty yellow poultice: and -the rotis were scorched and stinking, for the honour of the fumet. The -desert consisted of faded fruit and iced froth, a good emblem of our -landlady's character; the table-beer was sour, the water foul, and the -wine vapid; but there was a parade of plate and china, and a powdered -lacquey stood behind every chair, except those of the master and -mistress of the house, who were served by two valets dressed like -gentlemen. We dined in a large old Gothic parlour, which was formerly -the hall. It was now paved with marble, and, notwithstanding the fire -which had been kindled about an hour, struck me with such a chill -sensation, that when I entered it the teeth chattered in my jaws--In -short, every thing was cold, comfortless, and disgusting, except the -looks of my friend Baynard, which declared the warmth of his affection -and humanity. - -After dinner we withdrew into another apartment, where the boy began to -be impertinently troublesome to my niece Liddy. He wanted a playfellow, -forsooth; and would have romped with her, had she encouraged his -advances--He was even so impudent as to snatch a kiss, at which she -changed countenance, and seemed uneasy; and though his father checked -him for the rudeness of his behaviour, he became so outrageous as to -thrust his hand in her bosom: an insult to which she did not tamely -submit, though one of the mildest creatures upon earth. Her eyes -sparkling with resentment, she started up, and lent him such a box in -the ear, as sent him staggering to the other side of the room. - -'Miss Melford (cried his father), you have treated him with the utmost -propriety--I am only sorry that the impertinence of any child of mine -should have occasioned this exertion of your spirit, which I cannot but -applaud and admire.' His wife was so far from assenting to the candour -of his apology, that she rose from the table, and, taking her son by the -hand, 'Come, child (said she), your father cannot abide you.' So -saying, she retired with this hopeful youth, and was followed by her -gouvernante: but neither the one nor the other deigned to take the least -notice of the company. - -Baynard was exceedingly disconcerted; but I perceived his uneasiness was -tinctured with resentment, and derived a good omen from this discovery. -I ordered the horses to be put to the carriage, and, though he made -some efforts to detain us all night, I insisted upon leaving the house -immediately; but, before I went away, I took an opportunity of speaking -to him again in private. I said every thing I could recollect, to -animate his endeavours in shaking off those shameful trammels. I made -no scruple to declare, that his wife was unworthy of that tender -complaisance which he had shewn for her foibles: that she was dead to -all the genuine sentiments of conjugal affection; insensible of her -own honour and interest, and seemingly destitute of common sense and -reflection. I conjured him to remember what he owed to his father's -house, to his own reputation, and to his family, including even this -unreasonable woman herself, who was driving on blindly to her own -destruction. I advised him to form a plan for retrenching superfluous -expence, and try to convince the aunt of the necessity for such -a reformation, that she might gradually prepare her niece for its -execution; and I exhorted him to turn that disagreeable piece of -formality out of the house, if he should find her averse to his -proposal. - -Here he interrupted me with a sigh, observing that such a step would -undoubtedly be fatal to Mrs Baynard--'I shall lose all patience (cried -I), to hear you talk so weakly--Mrs Baynard's fits will never hurt her -constitution. I believe in my conscience they are all affected: I am -sure she has no feeling for your distresses; and, when you are ruined, -she will appear to have no feeling for her own.' Finally, I took his -word and honour that he would make an effort, such as I had advised; -that he would form a plan of oeconomy, and, if he found it impracticable -without my assistance, he would come to Bath in the winter, where I -promised to give him the meeting, and contribute all in my power to the -retrieval of his affairs--With this mutual engagement we parted; and I -shall think myself supremely happy, if, by my means, a worthy man, whom -I love and esteem, can be saved from misery, disgrace, and despair. - -I have only one friend more to visit in this part of the country, but he -is of a complexion very different from that of Baynard. You have heard -me mention Sir Thomas Bullford, whom I knew in Italy. He is now become -a country gentleman; but, being disabled by the gout from enjoying any -amusement abroad, he entertains himself within doors, by keeping open -house for all corners, and playing upon the oddities and humours of his -company: but he himself is generally the greatest original at his table. -He is very good-humoured, talks much, and laughs without ceasing. I am -told that all the use he makes of his understanding at present, is to -excite mirth, by exhibiting his guests in ludicrous attitudes. I know -not how far we may furnish him with entertainment of this kind, but I am -resolved to beat up his quarters, partly with a view to laugh with -the knight himself, and partly to pay my respects to his lady, a -good-natured sensible woman, with whom he lives upon very easy terms, -although she has not had the good fortune to bring him an heir to his -estate. - -And now, dear Dick, I must tell you for your comfort, that you are the -only man upon earth to whom I would presume to send such a longwinded -epistle, which I could not find in my heart to curtail, because the -subject interested the warmest passions of my heart; neither will I make -any other apology to a correspondent who has been so long accustomed to -the impertinence of - -MATT. BRAMBLE Sept. 30. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -I believe there is something mischievous in my disposition, for nothing -diverts me so much as to see certain characters tormented with false -terrors.--We last night lodged at the house of Sir Thomas Bullford, an -old friend of my uncle, a jolly fellow, of moderate intellects, who, in -spite of the gout, which hath lamed him, is resolved to be merry to the -last; and mirth he has a particular knack in extracting from his guests, -let their humour be ever so caustic or refractory.--Besides our company, -there was in the house a fat-headed justice of the peace, called -Frogmore, and a country practitioner in surgery, who seemed to be our -landlord's chief companion and confidant.--We found the knight sitting -on a couch, with his crutches by his side, and his feet supported on -cushions; but he received us with a hearty welcome, and seemed greatly -rejoiced at our arrival.--After tea, we were entertained with a sonata -on the harpsichord by lady Bullford, who sung and played to admiration; -but Sir Thomas seemed to be a little asinine in the article of ears, -though he affected to be in raptures, and begged his wife to favour us -with an arietta of her own composing.--This arietta, however, she no -sooner began to perform, than he and the justice fell asleep; but the -moment she ceased playing, the knight waked snorting, and exclaimed, -'O cara! what d'ye think, gentlemen? Will you talk any more of your -Pargolesi and your Corelli?'--At the same time, he thrust his tongue in -one cheek, and leered with one eye at the doctor and me, who sat on his -left hand. He concluded the pantomime with a loud laugh, which he could -command at all times extempore.--Notwithstanding his disorder, he did -not do penance at supper, nor did he ever refuse his glass when the -toast went round, but rather encouraged a quick circulation, both by -precept and example. - -I soon perceived the doctor had made himself very necessary to the -baronet.--He was the whetstone of his wit, the butt of his satire, and -his operator in certain experiments of humour, which were occasionally -tried upon strangers.--Justice Frogmore was an excellent subject for -this species of philosophy; sleek and corpulent, solemn, and shallow, -he had studied Burn with uncommon application, but he studied nothing -so much as the art of living (that is, eating) well--This fat buck had -often afforded good sport to our landlord; and he was frequently started -with tolerable success, in the course of this evening; but the baronet's -appetite for ridicule seemed to be chiefly excited by the appearance, -address, and conversation of Lismahago, whom he attempted in all -different modes of exposition; but he put me in mind of a contest that I -once saw betwixt a young hound and an old hedge-hog--The dog turned him -over and over, and bounced and barked, and mumbled; but as often as -he attempted to bite, he felt a prickle in his jaws, and recoiled in -manifest confusion;--The captain, when left to himself, will not fail to -turn his ludicrous side to the company, but if any man attempts to force -him into that attitude, he becomes stubborn as a mule, and unmanageable -as an elephant unbroke. - -Divers tolerable jokes were cracked upon the justice, who eat a most -unconscionable supper, and, among other things, a large plate of broiled -mushrooms, which he had no sooner swallowed than the doctor observed, -with great gravity, that they were of the kind called champignons, which -in some constitutions has a poisonous effect.--Mr Frogmore startled at -this remark, asked, in some confusion, why he had not been so kind as to -give him that notice sooner.--He answered, that he took it for granted, -by his eating them so heartily, that he was used to the dish; but as he -seemed to be under some apprehension, he prescribed a bumper of plague -water, which the justice drank off immediately, and retired to rest, not -without marks of terror and disquiet. - -At midnight we were shewn to our different chambers, and in half an -hour, I was fast asleep in bed; but about three o'clock in the morning I -was waked with a dismal cry of Fire! and starting up, ran to the window -in my shirt.--The night was dark and stormy; and a number of people -half-dressed ran backwards and forwards thro' the court-yard, with links -and lanthorns, seemingly in the utmost hurry and trepidation.--Slipping -on my cloaths in a twinkling, I ran down stairs, and, upon enquiry, -found the fire was confined to a back-stair, which led to a detached -apartment where Lismahago lay.--By this time, the lieutenant was alarmed -by bawling at his window, which was in the second story, but he could -not find his cloaths in the dark, and his room-door was locked on the -outside.--The servants called to him, that the house had been robbed; -that, without all doubt, the villains had taken away his cloaths, -fastened the door, and set the house on fire, for the stair-case was in -flames.--In this dilemma the poor lieutenant ran about the room naked -like a squirrel in a cage, popping out his bead at the window between -whiles, and imploring assistance.--At length, the knight in person -was brought out in his chair, attended by my uncle and all the family, -including our aunt Tabitha, who screamed, and cried, and tore her hair, -as if she had been distracted--Sir Thomas had already ordered his people -to bring a long ladder which was applied to the captain's, window, and -now he exhorted him earnestly to descend.--There was no need of much -rhetoric to persuade Lismahago, who forthwith made his exit by the -window, roaring all the time to the people below to hold fast the -ladder. - -Notwithstanding the gravity of the occasion, it was impossible to behold -this scene without being seized with an inclination to laugh. The rueful -aspect of the lieutenant in his shirt, with a quilted night-cap fastened -under his chin, and his long lank limbs and posteriors exposed to the -wind, made a very picturesque appearance, when illumined by the links -and torches which the servants held up to light him in his descent.--All -the company stood round the ladder, except the knight, who sat in his -chair, exclaiming from time to time, 'Lord, have mercy upon us!--save -the gentleman's life!--mind your footing, dear captain! softly!--stand -fast!--clasp the ladder with both hands!--there!--well done, my dear -boy!--O bravo!--an old soldier for ever!--bring a blanket bring a -warm blanket to comfort his poor carcase--warm the bed in the green -room--give me your hand, dear captain--I'm rejoiced to see thee safe -and sound with all my heart.' Lismahago was received at the foot of the -ladder by his inamorata, who snatching a blanket from one of the maids, -wrapped it about his body; two men-servants took him under the arms, -and a female conducted him to the green room, still accompanied by Mrs -Tabitha, who saw him fairly put to bed.--During this whole transaction -he spoke not a syllable, but looked exceeding grim, sometimes at one, -sometimes at another of the spectators, who now adjourned in a body to -the parlour where we had supped, every one surveying another with marks -of astonishment and curiosity. - -The knight being seated in an easy chair, seized my uncle by the hand, -and bursting into a long and loud laugh, 'Matt (cried he), crown me with -oak, or ivy, or laurel, or parsely, or what you will, and acknowledge -this to be a coup de maitre in the way of waggery--ha, ha, ha!--Such a -camisciata, scagliata, beffata! O, che roba! O, what a subject!--O, what -caricatura!--O, for a Rosa, a Rembrandt, a Schalken!--Zooks, I'll give a -hundred guineas to have it painted!--what a fine descent from the cross, -or ascent to the gallows! what lights and shadows!--what a groupe below! -what expression above!--what an aspect!--did you mind the aspect? ha, -ha, ha!--and the limbs, and the muscles every toe denoted terror! ha, -ha, ha!--then the blanket! O, what costume! St Andrew! St Lazarus! St -Barrabas!--ha, ha, ha!' 'After all then (cried Mr Bramble very gravely), -this was no more than a false alarm.--We have been frightened out of our -beds, and almost out of our senses, for the joke's sake.' 'Ay, and such -a joke! (cried our landlord) such a farce! such a denouement! such a -catastrophe!' - -'Have a little patience (replied our 'squire); we are not yet come to -the catastrophe; and pray God it may not turn out a tragedy instead of a -farce.--The captain is one of those saturnine subjects, who have no -idea of humour.--He never laughs in his own person; nor can he bear that -other people should laugh at his expence. Besides, if the subject -had been properly chosen, the joke was too severe in all conscience.' -''Sdeath! (cried the knight) I could not have bated him an ace had -he been my own father; and as for the subject, such another does not -present itself once in half a century.' Here Mrs Tabitha interposing, -and bridling up, declared, she did not see that Mr Lismahago was a -fitter subject for ridicule than the knight himself; and that she was -very much afraid, he would very soon find he had mistaken his man.--The -baronet was a good deal disconcerted by his intimation, saying, that he -must be a Goth and a barbarian, if he did not enter into the spirit of -such a happy and humourous contrivance.--He begged, however, that Mr -Bramble and his sister would bring him to reason; and this request was -reinforced by lady Bullford, who did not fail to read the baronet a -lecture upon his indiscretion, which lecture he received with submission -on one side of his face, and a leer upon the other. - -We now went to bed for the second time; and before I got up, my uncle -had visited Lismahago in the green room, and used such arguments with -him, that when we met in the parlour he seemed to be quite appeased. -He received the knight's apology with good grace, and even professed -himself pleased at finding he had contributed to the diversion of the -company.--Sir Thomas shook him by the hand, laughing heartily; and -then desired a pinch of snuff, in token of perfect reconciliation--The -lieutenant, putting his hand in his waistcoat pocket, pulled out, -instead of his own Scotch mull, a very fine gold snuff-box, which he no -sooner perceived than he said, 'Here is a small mistake.' 'No mistake -at all (cried the baronet): a fair exchange is no robbery.--Oblige me so -far, captain, as to let me keep your mull as a memorial.' 'Sir (said the -lieutenant), the mull is much at your service; but this machine I can by -no means retain.--It looks like compounding a sort of felony in the code -of honour. Besides, I don't know but there may be another joke in this -conveyance; and I don't find myself disposed to be brought upon the -stage again.--I won't presume to make free with your pockets, but I beg -you will put it up again with your own hand.' So saying, with a certain -austerity of aspect, he presented the snuffbox to the knight, who -received it in some confusion, and restored the mull, which he would by -no means keep except on the terms of exchange. - -This transaction was like to give a grave cast to the conversation, -when my uncle took notice that Mr Justice Frogmore had not made his -appearance either at the night-alarm, or now at the general rendezvous. -The baronet hearing Frogmore mentioned, 'Odso! (cried he) I had forgot -the justice.--Pr'ythee, doctor, go and bring him out of his kennel.' -Then laughing till his sides were well shaken, he said he would shew the -captain, that he was not the only person of the drama exhibited for the -entertainment of the company. As to the night-scene, it could not affect -the justice, who had been purposely lodged in the farther end of the -house, remote from the noise, and lulled with a dose of opium into the -bargain. In a few minutes, Mr Justice was led into the parlour in his -nightcap and loose morning-gown, rolling his head from side to side, and -groaning piteously all the way.--'Jesu! neighbour Frogmore (exclaimed -the baronet), what is the matter?--you look as if you was not a man -for this world.--Set him down softly on the couch--poor gentlemen!--Lord -have mercy upon us!--What makes him so pale, and yellow, and bloated?' -'Oh, Sir Thomas! (cried the justice) I doubt 'tis all over with me-- -Those mushrooms I eat at your table have done my business--ah! oh! -hey!' 'Now the Lord forbid! (said the other)--what! man, have a good -heart--How does thy stomach feel?--hall?' - -To this interrogation he made no reply; but throwing aside his -nightgown, discovered that his waist-coat would not meet upon his belly -by five good inches at least. 'Heaven protect us all! (cried Sir Thomas) -what a melancholy spectacle!--never did I see a man so suddenly swelled, -but when he was either just dead, or just dying.--Doctor, can'st thou -do nothing for this poor object?' 'I don't think the case is quite -desperate (said the surgeon), but I would advise Mr Frogmore to settle -his affairs with all expedition; the parson may come and pray by him, -while I prepare a glyster and an emetic draught.' The justice, rolling -his languid eyes, ejaculated with great fervency, 'Lord, have mercy upon -us! Christ, have mercy upon us!'--Then he begged the surgeon, in the -name of God, to dispatch--'As for my worldly affairs (said he), they -are all settled but one mortgage, which must be left to my heirs--but -my poor soul! my poor soul! what will become of my poor soul? miserable -sinner that I am!' 'Nay, pr'ythee, my dear boy, compose thyself (resumed -the knight); consider the mercy of heaven is infinite; thou can'st -not have any sins of a very deep dye on thy conscience, or the devil's -in't.' 'Name not the devil (exclaimed the terrified Frogmore), I have -more sins to answer for than the world dreams of.--Ah! friend, I have -been sly--sly damn'd sly!--Send for the parson without loss of time, and -put me to bed, for I am posting to eternity.'--He was accordingly raised -from the couch, and supported by two servants, who led him back to his -room; but before he quitted the parlour, he intreated the good company -to assist him with their prayers.--He added, 'Take warning by me, who -am suddenly cut off in my prime, like a flower of the field; and God -forgive you, Sir Thomas, for suffering such poisonous trash to be eaten -at your table.' - -He was no sooner removed out of hearing, than the baronet abandoned -himself to a violent fit of laughing, in which he was joined by the -greatest part of the company; but we could hardly prevent the good lady -from going to undeceive the patient, by discovering, that while he slept -his waistcoat had been straitened by the contrivance of the surgeon; -and that the disorder in his stomach and bowels was occasioned by some -antimonial wine, which he had taken over night, under the denomination -of plague-water. She seemed to think that his apprehension might put an -end to his life: the knight swore he was no such chicken, but a -tough old rogue, that would live long enough to plague all his -neighbours.--Upon enquiry, we found his character did not intitle him to -much compassion or respect, and therefore we let our landlord's humour -take its course.--A glyster was actually administered by an old woman -of the family, who had been Sir Thomas's nurse, and the patient took -a draught made with oxymel of squills to forward the operation of the -antimonial wine, which had been retarded by the opiate of the preceding -night. He was visited by the vicar, who read prayers, and began to take -an account of the state of his soul, when those medicines produced their -effect; so that the parson was obliged to hold his nose while he poured -forth spiritual consolation from his mouth. The same expedient was used -by the knight and me, who, with the doctor, entered the chamber at this -juncture, and found Frogmore enthroned on an easing-chair, under the -pressure of a double evacuation. The short intervals betwixt every heave -he employed in crying for mercy, confessing his sins, or asking the -vicar's opinion of his case; and the vicar answered, in a solemn -snuffling tone, that heightened the ridicule of the scene. The emetic -having done its office, the doctor interfered, and ordered the patient -to be put in bed again. When he examined the egesta, and felt his pulse, -he declared that much of the virus was discharged, and, giving him a -composing draught, assured him he had good hopes of his recovery.--This -welcome hint he received with the tears of joy in his eyes, protesting, -that if he should recover, he would always think himself indebted for -his life to the great skill and tenderness of his doctor, whose hand he -squeezed with great fervour; and thus he was left to his repose. - -We were pressed to stay dinner, that we might be witnesses of his -resuscitation; but my uncle insisted upon our departing before noon, -that we might reach this town before it should be dark.--In the -mean-time, lady Bullford conducted us into the garden to see a fishpond -just finished, which Mr Bramble censured as being too near the parlour, -where the knight now sat by himself, dozing in an elbow-chair after the -fatigues of his morning atchievement.--In this situation he reclined, -with his feet wrapped in flannel, and supported in a line with his body, -when the door flying open with a violent shock, lieutenant Lismahago -rushed into the room with horror in his looks, exclaiming, 'A mad dog! -a mad dog!' and throwing up the window sash, leaped into the garden--Sir -Thomas, waked by this tremendous exclamation, started up, and forgetting -his gout, followed the lieutenant's example by a kind of instinctive -impulse. He not only bolted thro' the window like an arrow from a bow, -but ran up to his middle in the pond before he gave the least sign of -recollection. Then the captain began to bawl, 'Lord have mercy upon -us!--pray, take care of the gentleman!--for God's sake, mind your -footing, my dear boy!--get warm blankets--comfort his poor carcase--warm -the bed in the green room.' - -Lady Bullford was thunder-struck at this phaenomenon, and the rest of -the company gazed in silent astonishment, while the servants hastened -to assist their master, who suffered himself to be carried back into the -parlour without speaking a word.--Being instantly accommodated with dry -clothes and flannels, comforted with a cordial, and replaced in statu -quo, one of the maids was ordered to chafe his lower extremities, an -operation in consequence of which his senses seemed to return and his -good humour to revive.--As we had followed him into the room, he looked -at every individual in his turn, with a certain ludicrous expression in -his countenance, but fixed his eyes in particular upon Lismahago, who -presented him with a pinch of snuff, and when he took it in silence, -'Sir Thomas Bullford (said he), I am much obliged to you for all your -favours, and some of them I have endeavoured to repay in your own coin.' -'Give me thy hand (cried the baronet); thou hast indeed payed me Scot -and lot; and even left a balance in my hands, for which, in presence of -this company, I promise to be accountable.'--So saying, he laughed -very heartily, and even seemed to enjoy the retaliation which had been -exacted at his own expence; but lady Bullford looked very grave; and in -all probability thought the lieutenant had carried his resentment too -far, considering that her husband was valetudinary--but, according -to the proverb, he that will play at bowls must expect to meet with -rubbers. I have seen a tame bear, very diverting when properly managed, -become a very dangerous wild beast when teized for the entertainment of -the spectators.--As for Lismahago, he seemed to think the fright and the -cold bath would have a good effect upon his patient's constitution: but -the doctor hinted some apprehension that the gouty matter might, by such -a sudden shock, be repelled from the extremities and thrown upon some of -the more vital parts of the machine.--I should be very sorry to see this -prognostic verified upon our facetious landlord, who told Mrs Tabitha at -parting, that he hoped she would remember him in the distribution of -the bride's favours, as he had taken so much pains to put the captain's -parts and mettle to the proof.--After all, I am afraid our squire -will appear to be the greatest sufferer by the baronet's wit; for his -constitution is by no means calculated for night-alarms. He has yawned -and shivered all day, and gone to bed without supper; so that, as we -have got into good quarters, I imagine we shall make a halt to-morrow; -in which case, you will have at least one day's respite from the -persecution of - -J. MELFORD Oct. 3. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -DEAR MARY JONES, - -Miss Liddy is so good as to unclose me in a kiver as fur as Gloster, -and the carrier will bring it to hand--God send us all safe to -Monmouthshire, for I'm quite jaded with rambling--'Tis a true saying, -live and learn--0 woman, what chuckling and changing have I seen!--Well, -there's nothing sartain in this world--Who would have thought that -mistriss, after all the pains taken for the good of her prusias sole, -would go for to throw away her poor body? that she would cast the -heys of infection upon such a carrying-crow as Lashmihago! as old -as Mathewsullin, as dry as a red herring, and as poor as a starved -veezel--0, Molly, hadst thou seen him come down the ladder, in a shurt -so scanty, that it could not kiver his nakedness!--The young -'squire called him Dunquickset; but he looked for all the world like -Cradoc-ap-Morgan, the ould tinker, that suffered at Abergany for -steeling of kettle--Then he's a profane scuffle, and, as Mr Clinker -says, no better than an impfiddle, continually playing upon the pyebill -and the new-burth--I doubt he has as little manners as money; for he -can't say a civil word, much more make me a present of a pair of gloves -for goodwill; but he looks as if he wanted to be very forewood and -familiar O! that ever a gentlewoman of years and discretion should tare -her air, and cry and disporridge herself for such a nubjack! as the song -goes - -I vow she would fain have a burd That bids such a price for an owl. - -but, for sartain, he must have dealt with some Scotch musician to bring -her to this pass--As for me, I put my trust in the Lord; and I have got -a slice of witch elm sowed in the gathers of my under petticoat; and -Mr Clinker assures me, that by the new light of grease, I may deify the -devil and all his works--But I nose what I nose--If mistress should take -up with Lashmyhago, this is no sarvice for me--Thank God, there's no -want of places; and if it wan't for wan thing, I would--but, no matter -Madam Baynar's woman has twenty good pounds a-year and parquisites; and -dresses like a parson of distinkson--I dined with her and the valley -de shambles, with bags and golden jackets; but there was nothing -kimfittable to eat, being as how they lived upon board, and having -nothing but a piss of could cuddling tart and some blamangey, I was -tuck with the cullick, and a murcey it was that mistress had her viol of -assings in the cox. - -But, as I was saying, I think for sartain this match will go forewood; -for things are come to a creesus; and I have seen with my own bays, such -smuggling--But I scorn for to exclose the secrets of the family; and -if it wance comes to marrying, who nose but the frolick may go round--I -believes as how, Miss Liddy would have no reversion if her swan would -appear; and you would be surprised, Molly, to receive a bride's fever -from your humble sarvant--but this is all suppository, dear girl; and I -have sullenly promised to Mr Clinker, that neither man, woman, nor child -shall no that arrow said a civil thing to me in the way of infection. -I hope to drink your health at Brambleton-hall, in a horn of October, -before the month be out--Pray let my bed be turned once a-day, and the -windore opened, while the weather is dry; and burn a few billets with -some brush in the footman's garret, and see their mattrash be dry as a -bone: for both our gentlemen have got a sad could by lying in damp shits -at sir Tummas Ballfart's. No more at present, but my sarvice to Saul and -the rest of our fellow-sarvents, being, - -Dear Mary Jones, Always yours, WIN. JENKINS Oct. 4. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR LETTY, - -This method of writing to you from time to time, without any hopes of an -answer, affords me, I own, some ease and satisfaction in the 'midst of -my disquiet, as it in some degree lightens the burthen of affliction: -but it is at best a very imperfect enjoyment of friendship, because it -admits of no return of confidence and good counsel--I would give the -whole world to have your company for a single day--I am heartily -tired of this itinerant way of life. I am quite dizzy with a perpetual -succession of objects--Besides it is impossible to travel such a -length of way, without being exposed to inconveniencies, dangers, and -disagreeable accidents, which prove very grievous to a poor creature of -weak nerves like me, and make me pay very dear for the gratification of -my curiosity. - -Nature never intended me for the busy world--I long for repose and -solitude, where I can enjoy that disinterested friendship which is not -to be found among crouds, and indulge those pleasing reveries that shun -the hurry and tumult of fashionable society--Unexperienced as I am in -the commerce of life, I have seen enough to give me a disgust to the -generality of those who carry it on--There is such malice, treachery, -and dissimulation, even among professed friends and intimate companions, -as cannot fail to strike a virtuous mind with horror; and when Vice -quits the stage for a moment, her place is immediately occupied by -Folly, which is often too serious to excite any thing but compassion. -Perhaps I ought to be silent on the foibles of my poor aunt; but with -you, my dear Willis, I have no secrets; and, truly, her weaknesses are -such as cannot be concealed. Since the first moment we arrived at Bath, -she has been employed constantly in spreading nets for the other sex; -and, at length, she has caught a superannuated lieutenant, who is in a -fair way to make her change her name--My uncle and my brother seem to -have no objection to this extraordinary match, which, I make no doubt, -will afford abundance of matter for conversation and mirth; for my part, -I am too sensible of my own weaknesses, to be diverted with those of -other people--At present, I have something at heart that employs my -whole attention, and keeps my mind in the utmost terror and suspence. - -Yesterday in the forenoon, as I stood with my brother at the parlour -window of an inn, where we had lodged, a person passed a horseback, whom -(gracious Heaven!) I instantly discovered to be Wilson! He wore a white -riding-coat, with the cape buttoned up to his chin; looking remarkably -pale, and passed at a round trot, without seeming to observe us--Indeed, -he could not see us; for there was a blind that concealed us from the -view. You may guess how I was affected at this apparition. The light -forsook my eyes; and I was seized with such a palpitation and trembling, -that I could not stand. I sat down upon a couch, and strove to compose -myself, that my brother might not perceive my agitation; but it was -impossible to escape his prying eyes--He had observed the object that -alarmed me; and, doubtless, knew him at the first glance--He now looked -at me with a stern countenance; then he ran out into the street, to see -what road the unfortunate horseman had taken--He afterwards dispatched -his man for further intelligence, and seemed to meditate some violent -design. My uncle, being out of order, we remained another night at the -inn; and all day long Jery acted the part of an indefatigable spy upon -my conduct--He watched my very looks with such eagerness of attention, -as if he would have penetrated into the utmost recesses of my -heart--This may be owing to his regard for my honour, if it is not the -effect of his own pride; but he is so hot, and violent, and unrelenting, -that the sight of him alone throws me into a flutter; and really it -will not be in my power to afford him any share of my affection, if he -persists in persecuting me at this rate. I am afraid he has formed some -scheme of vengeance, which will make me completely wretched! I am afraid -he suspects some collusion from this appearance of Wilson.--Good God! -did he really appear? or was it only a phantom, a pale spectre to -apprise me of his death. - -O Letty, what shall I do?--where shall I turn for advice and -consolation? shall I implore the protection of my uncle, who has been -always kind and compassionate.--This must be my last resource.--I dread -the thoughts of making him uneasy; and would rather suffer a thousand -deaths than live the cause of dissension in the family.--I cannot -conceive the meaning of Wilson's coming hither:--perhaps, it was in -quest of us, in order to disclose his real name and situation:--but -wherefore pass without staying to make the least enquiry?--My dear -Willis, I am lost in conjecture. I have not closed an eye since I saw -him.--All night long have I been tossed about from one imagination to -another. The reflection finds no resting place.--I have prayed, and -sighed, and wept plentifully.--If this terrible suspence continues much -longer, I shall have another fit of illness, and then the whole family -will be in confusion--If it was consistent with the wise purposes -of Providence, would I were in my grave--But it is my duty to be -resigned.--My dearest Letty, excuse my weakness--excuse these blots--my -tears fall so fast that I cannot keep the paper dry--yet I ought -to consider that I have as yet no cause to despair but I am such a -faint-hearted timorous creature! - -Thank God, my uncle is much better than he was yesterday. He is resolved -to pursue our journey strait to Wales.--I hope we shall take Gloucester -in our way--that hope chears my poor heart I shall once more embrace my -best beloved Willis, and pour all my griefs into her friendly bosom.--0 -heaven! is it possible that such happiness is reserved for - -The dejected and forlorn LYDIA MELFORD Oct. 4. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR WATKIN, - -I yesterday met with an incident which I believe you will own to be very -surprising--As I stood with Liddy at the window of the inn where we -had lodged, who should pass by but Wilson a-horse back!--I could not be -mistaken in the person, for I had a full view of him as he advanced; I -plainly perceived by my sister's confusion that she recognized him at -the same time. I was equally astonished and incensed at his appearance, -which I could not but interpret into an insult, or something worse. I -ran out at the gate, and, seeing him turn the corner of the street, I -dispatched my servant to observe his motions, but the fellow was too -late to bring me that satisfaction. He told me, however, that there was -an inn, called the Red Lion, at that end of the town, where he supposed -the horseman had alighted, but that he would not enquire without further -orders. I sent him back immediately to know what strangers were in the -house, and he returned with a report that there was one Mr Wilson lately -arrived. In consequence of this information I charged him with a note -directed to that gentleman, desiring him to meet me in half an hour in -a certain field at the town's end, with a case of pistols, in order -to decide the difference which could not be determined at our last -rencounter: but I did not think proper to subscribe the billet. My man -assured me he had delivered it into his own hand; and, that having read -it, he declared he would wait upon the gentleman at the place and time -appointed. - -M'Alpine being an old soldier, and luckily sober at the time, I -entrusted him with my secret. I ordered him to be within call, and, -having given him a letter to be delivered to my uncle in case of -accident, I repaired to the rendezvous, which was an inclosed field at -a little distance from the highway. I found my antagonist had already -taken his ground, wrapped in a dark horseman's coat, with a laced hat -flapped over his eyes; but what was my astonishment, when, throwing off -this wrapper, he appeared to be a person whom I had never seen before! -He had one pistol stuck in a leather belt, and another in his hand ready -for action, and, advancing a few steps, called to know if I was ready--I -answered, 'No,' and desired a parley; upon which he turned the muzzle -of his piece towards the earth; then replaced it in his belt, and met me -half way--When I assured him he was not the man I expected to meet, he -said it might be so: that he had received a slip of paper directed to Mr -Wilson, requesting him to come hither; and that as there was no other in -the place of that name, he naturally concluded the note was intended -for him, and him only--I then gave him to understand, that I had been -injured by a person who assumed that name, which person I had actually -seen within the hour, passing through the street on horseback; that -hearing there was a Mr Wilson at the Red Lion, I took it for granted he -was the man, and in that belief had writ the billet; and I expressed my -surprize, that he, who was a stranger to me and my concerns, should give -me such a rendezvous, without taking the trouble to demand a previous -explanation. He replied, that there was no other of his name in the -whole country; that no such horseman had alighted at the Red Lion since -nine o'clock, when he arrived--that having had the honour to serve his -majesty, he thought he could not decently decline any invitation of -this kind, from what quarter soever it might come, and that if any -explanation was necessary, it did not belong to him to demand it, but -to the gentleman who summoned him into the field. Vexed as I was at this -adventure, I could not help admiring the coolness of this officer, whose -open countenance prepossessed me in his favour. He seemed to be turned -of forty; wore his own short black hair, which curled naturally about -his ears, and was very plain in his apparel--When I begged pardon for -the trouble I had given him, he received my apology with great good -humour.--He told me that he lived about ten miles off, at a small -farm-house, which would afford me tolerable lodging, if I would come -and take diversion of hunting with him for a few weeks; in which case we -might, perhaps, find out the man who had given me offence--I thanked him -very sincerely for his courteous offer, which, I told him, I was not at -liberty to accept at present, on account of my being engaged in a -family party; and so we parted, with mutual professions of good will and -esteem. - -Now tell me, dear knight, what am I to make of this singular adventure? -Am I to suppose that the horseman I saw was really a thing of flesh -and blood, or a bubble that vanished into air?--or must I imagine Liddy -knows more of the matter than she chuses to disclose?--If I thought -her capable of carrying on any clandestine correspondence with such a -fellow, I should at once discard all tenderness, and forget that she was -connected with me by the ties of blood--But how is it possible that -a girl of her simplicity and inexperience, should maintain such an -intercourse, surrounded, as she is, with so many eyes, destitute of all -opportunity, and shifting quarters every day of her life!--Besides, she -has solemnly promised. No--I can't think the girl so base--so insensible -to the honour of her family.--What disturbs me chiefly, is the -impression which these occurrences seem to make upon her spirits--These -are the symptoms from which I conclude that the rascal has still a hold -on her affection, surely I have a right to call him a rascal, and to -conclude that his designs are infamous. But it shall be my fault if he -does not one day repent his presumption--I confess I cannot think, much -less write on this subject, with any degree of temper or patience; I -shall therefore conclude with telling you, that we hope to be in Wales -by the latter end of the month: but before that period you will probably -hear again from - -your affectionate J. MELFORD Oct. 4. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. of Jesus college, Oxon. - -DEAR PHILLIPS, - -When I wrote you by last post, I did not imagine I should be tempted to -trouble you again so soon: but I now sit down with a heart so full that -it cannot contain itself; though I am under such agitation of spirits, -that you are to expect neither method nor connexion in this address--We -have been this day within a hair's breadth of losing honest Matthew -Bramble, in consequence of a cursed accident, which I will endeavour -to explain.--In crossing the country to get into the post road, it was -necessary to ford a river, and we that were a-horseback passed without -any danger or difficulty; but a great quantity of rain having fallen -last night and this morning, there was such an accumulation of water, -that a mill-head gave way, just as the coach was passing under it, and -the flood rushed down with such impetuosity, as first floated, and then -fairly overturned the carriage in the middle of the stream--Lismahago -and I, and the two servants, alighting instantaneously, ran into the -river to give all the assistance in our power.--Our aunt, Mrs Tabitha, -who had the good fortune to be uppermost, was already half way out of -the coach window, when her lover approaching, disengaged her entirely; -but, whether his foot slipt, or the burthen was too great, they fell -over head and ears in each others' arms. He endeavoured more than once -to get up, and even to disentangle himself from her embrace, but she -hung about his neck like a mill-stone (no bad emblem of matrimony), and -if my man had not proved a stanch auxiliary, those two lovers would in -all probability have gone hand in hand to the shades below--For my part, -I was too much engaged to take any cognizance of their distress.--I -snatched out my sister by the hair of the head, and, dragging her to -the bank, recollected that my uncle had, not yet appeared--Rushing again -into the stream, I met Clinker hauling ashore Mrs Jenkins, who looked -like a mermaid with her hair dishevelled about her ears; but, when I -asked if his master was safe, he forthwith shook her from him, and -she must have gone to pot, if a miller had not seasonably come to her -relief.--As for Humphry, he flew like lightning, to the coach, that was -by this time filled with water, and, diving into it, brought up the poor -'squire, to all appearance, deprived of life--It is not in my power to -describe what I felt at this melancholy spectacle--it was such an agony -as baffles all description! The faithful Clinker, taking him up in his -arms, as if he had been an infant of six months, carried him ashore, -howling most piteously all the way, and I followed him in a transport of -grief and consternation--When he was laid upon the grass and turned from -side to side, a great quantity of water ran out at his mouth, then he -opened his eyes, and fetched a deep sigh. Clinker perceiving these signs -of life, immediately tied up his arm with a garter, and, pulling out a -horse-fleam, let him blood in the farrier stile.--At first a few drops -only issued from the orifice, but the limb being chafed, in a little -time the blood began to flow in a continued stream, and he uttered some -incoherent words, which were the most welcome sounds that ever saluted -my ear. There was a country inn hard by, the landlord of which had by -this time come with his people to give their assistance.--Thither my -uncle being carried, was undressed and put to bed, wrapped in warm -blankets; but having been moved too soon, he fainted away, and once more -lay without sense or motion, notwithstanding all the efforts of Clinker -and the landlord, who bathed his temples with Hungary water, and held a -smelling-bottle to his nose. As I had heard of the efficacy of salt in -such cases, I ordered all that was in the house to be laid under his -head and body; and whether this application had the desired effect, -or nature of herself prevailed, he, in less than a quarter of an hour, -began to breathe regularly, and soon retrieved his recollection, to the -unspeakable joy of all the by-standers. As for Clinker, his brain -seemed to be affected.--He laughed, and wept, and danced about in such -a distracted manner, that the landlord very judiciously conveyed him out -of the room. My uncle, seeing me dropping wet, comprehended the whole -of what had happened, and asked if all the company was safe?--Being -answered in the affirmative, he insisted upon my putting on dry clothes; -and, having swallowed a little warm wine, desired he might be left to -his repose. Before I went to shift myself, I inquired about the rest -of the family--I found Mrs Tabitha still delirious from her fright, -discharging very copiously the water she had swallowed. She was -supported by the captain, distilling drops from his uncurled periwig, so -lank and so dank, that he looked like Father Thames without his sedges, -embracing Isis, while she cascaded in his urn. Mrs Jenkins was present -also, in a loose bed gown, without either cap or handkerchief; but she -seemed to be as little compos mentis as her mistress, and acted so many -cross purposes in the course of her attendance, that, between the two, -Lismahago had occasion for all his philosophy. As for Liddy, I thought -the poor girl would have actually lost her senses. The good woman of the -house had shifted her linen, and put her into bed; but she was seized -with the idea that her uncle had perished, and in this persuasion made a -dismal out-cry; nor did she pay the least regard to what I said, when -I solemnly assured her he was safe. Mr Bramble hearing the noise, and -being informed of her apprehension, desired she might be brought into -his chamber; and she no sooner received this intimation, than she ran -thither half naked, with the wildest expression of eagerness in her -countenance--Seeing the 'squire sitting up in the bed, she sprung -forwards and throwing her arms about his neck, exclaimed in a most -pathetic tone, 'Are you--Are you indeed my uncle--My dear uncle!--My -best friend! My father!--Are you really living? or is it an illusion of -my poor brain!' Honest Matthew was so much affected, that he could not -help shedding tears, while he kissed her forehead, saying, 'My dear -Liddy, I hope I shall live long enough to shew how sensible I am of your -affection--But your spirits are fluttered, child--You want rest--Go -to bed and compose yourself'--'Well, I will (she replied) but still -methinks this cannot be real--The coach was full of water--My uncle -was under us all--Gracious God!--You was under water--How did you get -out;--tell me that? or I shall think this is all a deception'--'In what -manner I was brought out, I know as little as you do, my dear (said -the 'squire); and, truly, that is a circumstance of which I want to be -informed.' I would have given him a detail of the whole adventure, but -he would not hear me until I should change my clothes; so that I had -only time to tell him, that he owed his life to the courage and fidelity -of Clinker: and having given him this hint, I conducted my sister to her -own chamber. - -This accident happened about three o'clock in the afternoon, and in -little more than an hour the hurricane was all over; but as the carriage -was found to be so much damaged, that it could not proceed without -considerable repairs, a blacksmith and wheelwright were immediately sent -for to the next market-town, and we congratulated ourselves upon being -housed at an inn, which, though remote from the post-road, afforded -exceeding good lodging. The women being pretty well composed, and the -men all a-foot, my uncle sent for his servant, and, in the presence of -Lismahago and me, accosted him in these words--'So, Clinker, I find you -are resolved I shan't die by water--As you have fished me up from the -bottom at your own risque, you are at least entitled to all the money -that was in my pocket, and there it is'--So saying, he presented him -with a purse containing thirty guineas, and a ring nearly of the same -value--'God forbid! (cried Clinker), your honour shall excuse me--I am -a poor fellow, but I have a heart O! if your honour did but know how -I rejoice to see--Blessed be his holy name, that made me the humble -instrument--But as for the lucre of gain, I renounce it--I have done no -more than my duty--No more than I would have done for the most worthless -of my fellow-creatures--No more than I would have done for captain -Lismahago, or Archy Macalpine, or any sinner upon earth--But for your -worship, I would go through fire as well as water'--'I do believe it, -Humphry (said the 'squire); but as you think it was your duty to save my -life at the hazard of your own, I think it is mine to express the sense -I have of your extraordinary fidelity and attachment--I insist upon your -receiving this small token of my gratitude; but don't imagine that I -look upon this as an adequate recompence for the service you have done -me--I have determined to settle thirty pounds a-year upon you for life; -and I desire these gentlemen will bear witness to this my intention, of -which I have a memorandum in my pocketbook.' 'Lord make me thankful for -all these mercies! (cried Clinker, sobbing), I have been a poor bankrupt -from the beginning--your honour's goodness found me, when I was--naked -when I was--sick and forlorn--I understand your honour's looks--I would -not give offence--but my heart is very full--and if your worship won't -give me leave to speak,--I must vent it in prayers to heaven for my -benefactor.' When he quitted the room, Lismahago said, he should have -a much better opinion of his honesty, if he did not whine and cant so -abominably; but that he had always observed those weeping and praying -fellows were hypocrites at bottom. Mr Bramble made no reply to this -sarcastic remark, proceeding from the lieutenant's resentment of Clinker -having, in pure simplicity of heart, ranked him with M'Alpine and the -sinners of the earth--The landlord being called to receive some orders -about the beds, told the 'squire that his house was very much at his -service, but he was sure he should not have the honour to lodge him and -his company. He gave us to understand that his master who lived hard -by, would not suffer us to be at a public house, when there was -accommodation for us at his own; and that, if he had not dined abroad in -the neighbourhood he would have undoubtedly come to offer his services -at our first arrival. He then launched out in praise of that gentleman, -whom he had served as butler, representing him as a perfect miracle of -goodness and generosity. He said he was a person of great learning, and -allowed to be the best farmer in the country:--that he had a lady who -was as much beloved as himself, and an only son, a very hopeful young -gentleman, just recovered from a dangerous fever, which had like to have -proved fatal to the whole family; for, if the son had died, he was sure -the parents would not have survived their loss--He had not yet -finished the encomium of Mr Dennison, when this gentleman arrived in a -post-chaise, and his appearance seemed to justify all that had been said -in his favour. He is pretty well advanced in years, but hale, robust, -and florid, with an ingenuous countenance, expressive of good sense and -humanity. Having condoled with us on the accident which had happened, -he said he was come to conduct us to his habitation, where we should be -less incommoded than at such a paultry inn, and expressed his hope that -the ladies would not be the worse for going thither in his carriage, as -the distance was not above a quarter of a mile. My uncle having made a -proper return to this courteous exhibition, eyed him attentively, and -then asked if he had not been at Oxford, a commoner of Queen's college? -When Mr Dennison answered, 'Yes,' with some marks of surprise--'Look -at me then (said our squire) and let us see if you can recollect -the features of an old friend, whom you have not seen these forty -years.'--The gentleman, taking him by the hand, and gazing at him -earnestly,--'I protest (cried he), I do think I recall the idea -of Matthew Loyd of Glamorganshire, who was student of Jesus.' 'Well -remembered, my dear friend, Charles Dennison (exclaimed my uncle, -pressing him to his breast), I am that very identical Matthew Loyd of -Glamorgan.' Clinker, who had just entered the room with some coals for -the fire, no sooner heard these words, than throwing down the scuttle -on the toes of Lismahago, he began to caper as if he was mad, -crying--'Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan!--O Providence!--Matthew Loyd -of Glamorgan!'--Then, clasping my uncle's knees, he went on in this -manner--'Your worship must forgive me--Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan!--O -Lord, Sir! I can't contain myself!--I shall lose my senses'--'Nay, -thou hast lost them already, I believe (said the 'squire, peevishly), -prithee, Clinker, be quiet--What is the matter?'--Humphry, fumbling in -his bosom, pulled out an old wooden snuff-box, which he presented in -great trepidation to his master, who, opening it immediately, perceived -a small cornelian seal, and two scraps of paper--At sight of these -articles he started, and changed colour, and casting his eye upon the -inscriptions--'Ha!--how!--what! where (cried he) is the person here -named?' Clinker, knocking his own breast, could hardly pronounce -these words--'Here--here--here is Matthew Loyd, as the certificate -sheweth--Humphry Clinker was the name of the farrier that took me -'prentice'--'And who gave you these tokens?' said my uncle hastily--'My -poor mother on her death-bed'--replied the other--'And who was your -mother?' 'Dorothy Twyford, an please your honour, heretofore bar-keeper -at the Angel at Chippenham.'--'And why were not these tokens produced -before?' 'My mother told me she had wrote to Glamorganshire, at the -time of my birth, but had no answer; and that afterwards, when she -made enquiry, there was no such person in that county.' 'And so in -consequence of my changing my name and going abroad at that very time, -thy poor mother and thou have been left to want and misery--I am really -shocked at the consequence of my own folly.'--Then, laying his hand -on Clinker's head, he added, 'Stand forth, Matthew Loyd--You see, -gentlemen, how the sins of my youth rise up in judgment against me--Here -is my direction written with my own hand, and a seal which I left at -the woman's request; and this is a certificate of the child's baptism, -signed by the curate of the parish.' The company were not a little -surprised at this discovery, upon which Mr Dennison facetiously -congratulated both the father and the son: for my part, I shook my -new-found cousin heartily by the hand, and Lismahago complimented him -with the tears in his eyes, for he had been hopping about the room, -swearing in broad Scotch, and bellowing with the pain occasioned by the -fall of the coalscuttle upon his foot. He had even vowed to drive the -saul out of the body of that mad rascal: but, perceiving the unexpected -turn which things had taken, he wished him joy of his good fortune, -observing that it went very near his heart, as he was like to be a great -toe out of pocket by the discovery--Mr Dennison now desired to know -for what reason my uncle had changed the name by which he knew him at -Oxford, and our 'squire satisfied him, by answering to this effect--'I -took my mother's name, which was Loyd, as heir to her lands in -Glamorganshire; but when I came of age, I sold that property, in order -to clear my paternal estate, and resumed my real name; so that I am now -Matthew Bramble of Brambleton-hall in Monmouthshire, at your service; -and this is my nephew, Jeremy Melford of Belfield, in the county of -Glamorgan.' At that instant the ladies entering the room, he presented -Mrs Tabitha as his sister, and Liddy as his niece. The old gentleman -saluted them very cordially, and seemed struck with the appearance of my -sister, whom he could not help surveying with a mixture of complacency -and surprize--'Sister (said my uncle), there is a poor relation that -recommends himself to your good graces--The quondam Humphry Clinker is -metamorphosed into Matthew Loyd; and claims the honour of being your -carnal kinsman--in short, the rogue proves to be a crab of my own -planting in the days of hot blood and unrestrained libertinism.' Clinker -had by this time dropt upon one knee, by the side of Mrs Tabitha, -who, eyeing him askance, and flirting her fan with marks of agitation, -thought proper, after some conflict, to hold out her hand for him to -kiss, saying, with a demure aspect, 'Brother, you have been very wicked: -but I hope you'll live to see the folly of your ways--I am very sorry to -say the young man, whom you have this day acknowledged, has more -grace and religion, by the gift of God, than you with all your profane -learning, and repeated opportunity--I do think he has got the trick of -the eye, and the tip of the nose of my uncle Loyd of Flluydwellyn; and -as for the long chin, it is the very moral of the governor's--Brother, -as you have changed his name pray change his dress also; that livery -doth not become any person that hath got our blood in his veins.'--Liddy -seemed much pleased with this acquisition to the family.--She took him -by the hand, declaring she should always be proud to own her connexion -with a virtuous young man, who had given so many proofs of his gratitude -and affection to her uncle.--Mrs. Winifred Jenkins, extremely fluttered -between her surprize at this discovery, and the apprehension of losing -her sweet-heart, exclaimed in a giggling tone,--'I wish you joy Mr -Clinker--Floyd--I would say--hi, hi, hi!--you'll be so proud you won't -look at your poor fellow servants, oh, oh, oh!' Honest Clinker owned -he was overjoyed at his good fortune, which was greater than he -deserved--'But wherefore should I be proud? (said he) a poor object -conceived in sin, and brought forth in iniquity, nursed in a parish -workhouse, and bred in a smithy. Whenever I seem proud, Mrs Jenkins, I -beg of you to put me in mind of the condition I was in, when I first saw -you between Chippenham and Marlborough.' - -When this momentous affair was discussed to the satisfaction of all -parties concerned, the weather being dry, the ladies declined the -carriage; so that we walked all together to Mr Dennison's house, where -we found the tea ready prepared by his lady, an amiable matron, who -received us with all the benevolence of hospitality. The house is old -fashioned and irregular, but lodgeable and commodious. To the south it -has the river in front, at the distance of a hundred paces; and on the -north, there is a rising ground covered with an agreeable plantation; -the greens and walks are kept in the nicest order, and all is rural and -romantic. I have not yet seen the young gentleman, who is on a visit to -a friend in the neighbourhood, from whose house he is not expected 'till -to-morrow. - -In the mean time, as there is a man going to the next market town with -letters for the post, I take this opportunity to send you the history of -this day, which has been remarkably full of adventures; and you will -own I give you them like a beef-steak at Dolly's, hot and hot, without -ceremony and parade, just as they come from the recollection of - -Yours, J. MELFORD - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -Since the last trouble I gave you, I have met with a variety of -incidents, some of them of a singular nature, which I reserve as a fund -for conversation; but there are others so interesting, that they will -not keep in petto till meeting. - -Know then, it was a thousand pounds to a sixpence, that you should now -be executing my will, instead of perusing my letter! Two days ago, our -coach was overturned in the midst of a rapid river, where my life was -saved with the utmost difficulty, by the courage, activity, and -presence of mind of my servant Humphry Clinker--But this is not the -most surprising circumstance of the adventure--The said Humphry Clinker -proves to be Matthew Loyd, natural son of one Matthew Loyd of Glamorgan, -if you know any such person--You see, Doctor, that notwithstanding all -your philosophy, it is not without some reason that the Welchmen ascribe -such energy to the force of blood--But we shall discuss this point on -some future occasion. - -This is not the only discovery which I made in consequence of our -disaster--We happened to be wrecked upon a friendly shore--The lord -of the manor is no other than Charles Dennison, our fellow-rake at -Oxford--We are now happily housed with that gentleman, who has really -attained to that pitch of rural felicity, at which I have been aspiring -these twenty years in vain. He is blessed with a consort, whose -disposition is suited to his own in all respects; tender, generous, and -benevolent--She, moreover, possesses an uncommon share of understanding, -fortitude, and discretion, and is admirably qualified to be his -companion, confidant, counsellor, and coadjutrix. These excellent -persons have an only son, about nineteen years of age, just such a -youth as they could have wished that Heaven would bestow to fill up the -measure of their enjoyment--In a word, they know no other allay to -their happiness, but their apprehension and anxiety about the life and -concerns of this beloved object. - -Our old friend, who had the misfortune to be a second brother, was bred -to the law, and even called to the bar; but he did not find himself -qualified to shine in that province, and had very little inclination for -his profession--He disobliged his father, by marrying for love, without -any consideration of fortune; so that he had little or nothing to -depend upon for some years but his practice, which afforded him a bare -subsistence; and the prospect of an increasing family, began to give -him disturbance and disquiet. In the mean time, his father dying, was -succeeded by his elder brother, a fox-hunter and a sot, who neglected -his affairs, insulted and oppressed his servants, and in a few years had -well nigh ruined the estate, when he was happily carried off by a fever, -the immediate consequence of a debauch. Charles, with the approbation of -his wife, immediately determined to quit business, and retire into the -country, although this resolution was strenuously and zealously opposed -by every individual, whom he consulted on the subject. Those who had -tried the experiment, assured him that he could not pretend to breathe -in the country for less than the double of what his estate produced; -that, in order to be upon the footing of a gentleman, he would be -obliged to keep horses, hounds, carriages, with a suitable number of -servants, and maintain an elegant table for the entertainment of his -neighbours; that farming was a mystery, known only to those who had been -bred up to it from the cradle, the success of it depending not only -upon skill and industry, but also upon such attention and oeconomy as -no gentleman could be supposed to give or practise; accordingly, every -attempt made by gentlemen miscarried, and not a few had been ruined by -their prosecution of agriculture--Nay, they affirmed that he would find -it cheaper to buy hay and oats for his cattle, and to go to market -for poultry, eggs, kitchen herbs, and roots, and every the most -inconsiderable article of house-keeping, than to have those articles -produced on his own ground. - -These objections did not deter Mr Dennison, because they were chiefly -founded on the supposition, that he would be obliged to lead a life of -extravagance and dissipation, which he and his consort equally detested, -despised, and determined to avoid--The objects he had in view, were -health of body, peace of mind, and the private satisfaction of domestic -quiet, unallayed by actual want, and uninterrupted by the fears of -indigence--He was very moderate in his estimate of the necessaries, and -even of the comforts of life--He required nothing but wholesome air, -pure water, agreeable exercise, plain diet, convenient lodging, and -decent apparel. He reflected, that if a peasant without education, or -any great share of natural sagacity, could maintain a large family, and -even become opulent upon a farm, for which he payed an annual rent of -two or three hundred pounds to the landlord, surely he himself might -hope for some success from his industry, having no rent to pay, but, -on the contrary, three or four hundred pounds a year to receive. He -considered, that the earth was an indulgent mother, that yielded her -fruits to all her children without distinction. He had studied the -theory of agriculture with a degree of eagerness and delight; and he -could not conceive there was any mystery in the practice, but what he -should be able to disclose by dint of care and application. With respect -to houshold expence, he entered into a minute detail and investigation, -by which he perceived the assertions of his friends were altogether -erroneous--He found he should save sixty pounds a year in the -single article of house-rent, and as much more in pocket-money and -contingencies; that even butcher's-meat was twenty per cent cheaper in -the country than in London; but that poultry, and almost every other -circumstance of house-keeping, might be had for less than one-half of -what they cost in town; besides, a considerable saving on the side of -dress, in being delivered from the oppressive imposition of ridiculous -modes, invented by ignorance, and adopted by folly. - -As to the danger of vying with the rich in pomp and equipage, it never -gave him the least disturbance. He was now turned of forty, and, having -lived half that time in the busy scenes of life, was well skilled in the -science of mankind. There cannot be in nature a more contemptible figure -than that of a man, who, with five hundred a year, presumes to rival -in expence a neighbour who possesses five times that income--His -ostentation, far from concealing, serves only to discover his indigence, -and render his vanity the more shocking; for it attracts the eyes of -censure, and excites the spirit of inquiry. There is not a family in the -county nor a servant in his own house, nor a farmer in the parish, but -what knows the utmost farthing that his lands produce, and all -these behold him with scorn or compassion. I am surprised that these -reflections do not occur to persons in this unhappy dilemma, and produce -a salutary effect; but the truth is, of all the passions incident -to human nature, vanity is that which most effectually perverts the -faculties of the understanding; nay, it sometimes becomes so incredibly -depraved, as to aspire at infamy, and find pleasure in bearing the -stigmas of reproach. - -I have now given you a sketch of the character and situation of Mr -Dennison, when he came down to take possession of this estate; but as -the messenger, who carries the letters to the next town, is just setting -off, I shall reserve what further I have to say on this subject, till -the next post, when you shall certainly hear from - - -Yours always, MATT. BRAMBLE Oct. 8. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -Once more, dear doctor, I resume the pen for your amusement. It was -on the morning after our arrival that, walking out with my friend, Mr -Dennison, I could not help breaking forth into the warmest expressions -of applause at the beauty of the scene, which is really inchanting; and -I signified, in particular, how much I was pleased with the disposition -of some detached groves, that afforded at once shelter and ornament to -his habitation. - -'When I took possession of these lands, about two and twenty years ago -(said he), there was not a tree standing within a mile of the house, -except those of an old neglected orchard, which produced nothing -but leaves and moss.--It was in the gloomy month of November, when I -arrived, and found the house in such a condition, that it might have -been justly stiled the tower of desolation.--The court-yard was covered -with nettles and docks, and the garden exhibited such a rank plantation -of weeds as I had never seen before;--the window-shutters were falling -in pieces,--the sashes broken;--and owls and jack-daws had taken -possession of the chimnies.--The prospect within was still more -dreary--All was dark, and damp, and dirty beyond description;--the rain -penetrated in several parts of the roof;--in some apartments the very -floors had given way;--the hangings were parted from the walls, and -shaking in mouldy remnants; the glasses were dropping out of their -frames;--the family-pictures were covered with dust and all the chairs -and tables worm-eaten and crazy.--There was not a bed in the house that -could be used, except one old-fashioned machine, with a high gilt tester -and fringed curtains of yellow mohair, which had been, for aught I know, -two centuries in the family.--In short, there was no furniture but the -utensils of the kitchen; and the cellar afforded nothing but a few empty -butts and barrels, that stunk so abominably, that I would not suffer -any body to enter it until I had flashed a considerable quantity of -gunpowder to qualify the foul air within. - -'An old cottager and his wife, who were hired to lie in the house, had -left it with precipitation, alledging, among other causes of retreat, -that they could not sleep for frightful noises, and that my poor -brother certainly walked after his death.--In a word, the house appeared -uninhabitable; the barn, stable, and outhouses were in ruins; all the -fences broken down, and the fields lying waste. - -'The farmer who kept the key never dreamed I had any intention to live -upon the spot--He rented a farm of sixty pounds, and his lease was just -expiring.--He had formed a scheme of being appointed bailiff to the -estate, and of converting the house and the adjacent grounds to his own -use.--A hint of his intention I received from the curate at my first -arrival; I therefore did not pay much regard to what he said by way of -discouraging me from coming to settle in the country; but I was a little -startled when he gave me warning that he should quit the farm at the -expiration of his lease, unless I could abate considerably in the rent. - -'At this period I accidentally became acquainted with a person, whose -friendship laid the foundation of all my prosperity. In the next -market-town I chanced to dine at an inn with a Mr Wilson, who was lately -come to settle in the neighbourhood.--He had been lieutenant of a man of -war, but quitted the sea in some disgust, and married the only daughter -of farmer Bland, who lives in this parish, and has acquired a good -fortune in the way of husbandry.--Wilson is one of the best natured -men I ever knew; brave, frank, obliging, and ingenuous--He liked my -conversation, I was charmed with his liberal manner; and acquaintance -immediately commenced, and this was soon improved into a friendship -without reserve.--There are characters which, like similar particles of -matter, strongly attract each other.--He forthwith introduced me to his -father-in-law, farmer Bland, who was well acquainted with every acre -of my estate, of consequence well qualified to advise me on this -occasion.--Finding I was inclined to embrace a country life, and even -to amuse myself with the occupation of farming, he approved of my -design--He gave me to understand that all my farms were underlett; that -the estate was capable of great improvement; that there was plenty of -chalk in the neighbourhood; and that my own ground produced excellent -marle for manure.--With respect to the farm, which was like to fall into -my hands, he said he would willingly take it at the present rent; but -at the same time owned, that if I would expend two hundred pounds in -enclosure, it would be worth more than double the sum. - -'Thus encouraged, I began the execution of my scheme without further -delay, and plunged into a sea of expence, though I had no fund in -reserve, and the whole produce of the estate did not exceed three -hundred pounds a year--In one week, my house was made weather-tight, and -thoroughly cleansed from top to bottom; then it was well ventilated by -throwing all the doors and windows open, and making blazing fires of -wood in every chimney from the kitchen to the garrets. The floors were -repaired, the sashes new glazed, and out of the old furniture of the -whole house, I made shift to fit up a parlour and three chambers in -a plain yet decent manner.--The court-yard was cleared of weeds and -rubbish, and my friend Wilson charged himself with the dressing of -the garden; bricklayers were set at work upon the barn and stable; and -labourers engaged to restore the fences, and begin the work of -hedging and ditching, under the direction of farmer Bland, at whose -recommendation I hired a careful hind to lie in the house, and keep -constant fires in the apartments. - -'Having taken these measures, I returned to London, where I forthwith -sold off my household-furniture, and, in three weeks from my first -visit, brought my wife hither to keep her Christmas.--Considering the -gloomy season of the year, the dreariness of the place, and the decayed -aspect of our habitation, I was afraid that her resolution would sink -under the sudden transition from a town life to such a melancholy state -of rustication; but I was agreeably disappointed.--She found the reality -less uncomfortable than the picture I had drawn.--By this time indeed, -things were mended in appearance--The out-houses had risen out of their -ruins; the pigeon-house was rebuilt, and replenished by Wilson, who also -put my garden in decent order, and provided a good stock of poultry, -which made an agreeable figure in my yard; and the house, on the whole, -looked like the habitation of human creatures.--Farmer Bland spared me a -milch cow for my family, and an ordinary saddle-horse for my servant to -go to market at the next town.--I hired a country lad for a footman, the -hind's daughter was my house-maid, and my wife had brought a cook-maid -from London. - -'Such was my family when I began house-keeping in this place, with three -hundred pounds in my pocket, raised from the sale of my superfluous -furniture.--I knew we should find occupation enough through the day to -employ our time; but I dreaded the long winter evenings; yet, for those -too we found a remedy: The curate, who was a single man, soon became so -naturalized to the family, that he generally lay in the house; and his -company was equally agreeable and useful. He was a modest man, a good -scholar, and perfectly well qualified to instruct me in such country -matters as I wanted to know.--Mr Wilson brought his wife to see us, and -she became so fond of Mrs Dennison, that she said she was never so happy -as when she enjoyed the benefit of her conversation.--She was then a -fine buxom country lass, exceedingly docile, and as good-natured as her -husband Jack Wilson; so that a friendship ensued among the women, which -hath continued to this day. - -'As for Jack, he hath been my constant companion, counsellor, and -commissary.--I would not for a hundred pounds you should leave my house -without seeing him.--Jack is an universal genius--his talents are really -astonishing:--He is an excellent carpenter, joiner, and turner, and -a cunning artist in iron and brass.--He not only superintended my -oeconomy, but also presided over my pastimes--He taught me to brew -beer, to make cyder, perry, mead, usquebaugh, and plague-water; to cook -several outlandish delicacies, such as ollas, pepper-pots, pillaws, -corys, chabobs, and stufatas.--He understands all manner of games from -chess down to chuck-farthing, sings a good song, plays upon the violin, -and dances a hornpipe with surprising agility.--He and I walked, and -rode, and hunted, and fished together, without minding the vicissitudes -of the weather; and I am persuaded, that in a raw, moist climate, like -this of England, continual exercise is as necessary as food to the -preservation of the individual.--In the course of two and twenty -years, there has not been one hour's interruption or abatement in the -friendship subsisting between Wilson's family and mine; and, what is -a rare instance of good fortune, that friendship is continued to our -children.--His son and mine are nearly of the same age and the same -disposition; they have been bred up together at the same school and -college, and love each other with the warmest affection. - -'By Wilson's means, I likewise formed an acquaintance with a sensible -physician, who lives in the next market-town; and his sister, an -agreeable old maiden, passed the Christmas holidays at our house. Mean -while I began my farming with great eagerness, and that very winter -planted these groves that please you so much.--As for the neighbouring -gentry, I had no trouble from that quarter during my first campaign; -they were all gone to town before I settled in the country; and by the -summer I had taken measures to defend myself from their attacks.--When a -gay equipage came to my gates, I was never at home; those who visited -me in a modest way, I received; and according to the remarks I made on -their characters and conversation, either rejected their advances, or -returned their civility--I was in general despised among the fashionable -company, as a low fellow, both in breeding and circumstances; -nevertheless, I found a few individuals of moderate fortune, who gladly -adopted my stile of living; and many others would have acceded to our -society, had they not been prevented by the pride, envy, and ambition of -their wives and daughters.--Those, in times of luxury and dissipation, -are the rocks upon which all the small estates in the country are -wrecked. - -'I reserved in my own hands, some acres of ground adjacent to the house, -for making experiments in agriculture, according to the directions of -Lyle, Tull, Hart, Duhamel, and others who have written on this subject; -and qualified their theory with the practical observations of farmer -Bland, who was my great master in the art of husbandry.--In short, I -became enamoured of a country life; and my success greatly exceeded my -expectation--I drained bogs, burned heath, grubbed up furze and fern; -I planted copse and willows where nothing else would grow; I gradually -inclosed all my farms, and made such improvements that my estate now -yields me clear twelve hundred pounds a year--All this time my wife -and I have enjoyed uninterrupted health, and a regular flow of spirits, -except on a very few occasions, when our cheerfulness was invaded by -such accidents as are inseparable from the condition of life. I lost -two children in their infancy, by the small-pox, so that I have one son -only, in whom all our hopes are centered.--He went yesterday to visit -a friend, with whom he has stayed all night, but he will be here to -dinner.--I shall this day have the pleasure of presenting him to you -and your family; and I flatter myself you will find him not altogether -unworthy of our affection. - -'The truth is, either I am blinded by the partiality of a parent, or -he is a boy of very amiable character; and yet his conduct has given us -unspeakable disquiet.--You must know, we had projected a match between -him and a gentleman's daughter in the next county, who will in all -probability be heiress of a considerable fortune; but, it seems, he had -a personal disgust to the alliance. He was then at Cambridge, and tried -to gain time on various pretences; but being pressed in letters by his -mother and me to give a definitive answer, he fairly gave his tutor the -slip, and disappeared about eight months ago.--Before he took this rash -step, he wrote me a letter, explaining his objections to the match, -and declaring, that he would keep himself concealed until he should -understand that his parents would dispense with his contracting an -engagement that must make him miserable for life, and he prescribed -the form of advertising in a certain newspaper, by which he might be -apprized of our sentiments on this subject. - -'You may easily conceive how much we were alarmed and afflicted by this -elopement, which he had made without dropping the least hint to his -companion Charles Wilson, who belonged to the same college.--We resolved -to punish him with the appearance of neglect, in hopes that he would -return of his own accord; but he maintained his purpose till the young -lady chose a partner for herself; then he produced himself, and made his -peace by the mediation of Wilson.--Suppose we should unite our families -by joining him with your niece, who is one of the most lovely creatures -I ever beheld.--My wife is already as fond of her as if she were her own -child, and I have a presentiment that my son will be captivated by her -at first sight.' 'Nothing could be more agreeable to all our family -(said I) than such an alliance; but, my dear friend, candour obliges -me to tell you, that I am afraid Liddy's heart is not wholly -disengaged--there is a cursed obstacle'--'You mean the young stroller -at Gloucester (said he)--You are surprised that I should know this -circumstance; but you will be more surprised when I tell you that -stroller is no other than my son George Dennison--That was the character -he assumed in his eclipse.' 'I am, indeed, astonished and overjoyed -(cried I), and shall be happy beyond expression to see your proposal -take effect.' - -He then gave me to understand that the young gentleman, at his emerging -from concealment, had disclosed his passion for Miss Melford, the niece -of Mr Bramble, of Monmouthshire. Though Mr Dennison little dreamed that -this was his old friend Matthew Loyd, he nevertheless furnished his son -with proper credentials, and he had been at Bath, London, and many other -places in quest of us, to make himself and his pretensions known. - -The bad success of his enquiry had such an effect upon his spirits, that -immediately at his return he was seized with a dangerous fever, which -overwhelmed his parents with terror and affliction; but he was now -happily recovered, though still weak and disconsolate. My nephew joining -us in our walk, I informed him of these circumstances, with which he -was wonderfully pleased. He declared he would promote the match to the -utmost of his power, and that he longed to embrace young Mr Dennison as -his friend and brother.--Mean while, the father went to desire his wife -to communicate this discovery gradually to Liddy, that her delicate -nerves might not suffer too sudden a shock; and I imparted the -particulars to my sister Tabby, who expressed some surprize, not -altogether unmixed, I believe, with an emotion of envy; for, though -she could have no objection to an alliance at once so honourable and -advantageous, she hesitated in giving her consent on pretence of -the youth and inexperience of the parties: at length, however, she -acquiesced, in consequence of having consulted with captain Lismahago. - -Mr Dennison took care to be in the way when his son arrived at the gate, -and, without giving him time or opportunity to make any enquiry about -the strangers, brought him up stairs to be presented to Mr Loyd and his -family--The first person he saw when he entered the room, was Liddy, -who, notwithstanding all her preparation, stood trembling in the utmost -confusion--At sight of this object he was fixed motionless to the floor, -and, gazing at her with the utmost eagerness of astonishment, exclaimed, -'Sacred heaven! what is this!--ha! wherefore--' Here his speech failing, -he stood straining his eyes, in the most emphatic silence 'George (said -his father), this is my friend Mr Loyd.' Roused at this intimation, he -turned and received my salute, when I said, 'Young gentleman, if you had -trusted me with your secret at our last meeting, we should have parted -upon better terms.' Before he could make any answer, Jery came round -and stood before him with open arms.--At first, he started and changed -colour; but after a short pause, he rushed into his embrace, and they -hugged one another as if they had been intimate friends from their -infancy: then he payed his respects to Mrs Tabitha, and advancing to -Liddy, 'Is it possible, (cried he), that my senses do not play me false! -that I see Miss Melford under my father's roof--that I am permitted -to speak to her without giving offence--and that her relations have -honoured me with their countenance and protection.' Liddy blushed, -and trembled, and faltered--'To be sure, sir (said she), it is a very -surprising circumstance--a great--a providential--I really know not what -I say--but I beg you will think I have said what's agreeable.' - -Mrs Dennison interposing said, 'Compose yourselves, my dear -children.--Your mutual happiness shall be our peculiar care.' The son -going up to his mother, kissed one hand; my niece bathed the other with -her tears; and the good old lady pressed them both in their turns to -her breast.--The lovers were too much affected to get rid of their -embarrassment for one day; but the scene was much enlivened by the -arrival of Jack Wilson, who brought, as usual, some game of his own -killing--His honest countenance was a good letter of recommendation. I -received him like a dear friend after a long separation; and I could -not help wondering to see him shake Jery by the hand as an old -acquaintance--They had, indeed, been acquainted some days, in -consequence of a diverting incident, which I shall explain at meeting. -That same night a consultation was held upon the concerns of the lovers, -when the match was formally agreed to, and all the marriage articles -were settled without the least dispute.--My nephew and I promised to -make Liddy's fortune five thousand pounds. Mr Dennison declared, he -would make over one half of his estate immediately to his son, and -that his daughter-in-law should be secured in a jointure of four -hundred--Tabby proposed, that, considering their youth, they should -undergo one year at least, of probation before the indissoluble knot -should be tied; but the young gentleman being very impatient and -importunate, and the scheme implying that the young couple should live -in the house, under the wings of his parents, we resolved to make them -happy without further delay. - -As the law requires that the parties should be some weeks resident -in the parish, we shall stay here till the ceremony is performed.--Mr -Lismahago requests that he may take the benefit of the same occasion; so -that next Sunday the banns will be published for all four together.--I -doubt I shall not be able to pass my Christmas with you at -Brambleton-hall.--Indeed, I am so agreeably situated in this place, that -I have no desire to shift my quarters; and I foresee, that when the day -of separation comes, there will be abundance of sorrow on all sides.--In -the mean time, we must make the most of those blessings which Heaven -bestows.--Considering how you are tethered by your profession, I cannot -hope to see you so far from home; yet the distance does not exceed a -summer-day's journey, and Charles Dennison, who desires to be remembered -to you, would be rejoiced to see his old compotator; but as I am now -stationary, I expect regular answers to the epistles of - -Yours invariably, MATT. BRAMBLE Oct. 11. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR WAT, - -Every day is now big with incident and discovery--Young Mr Dennison -proves to be no other than that identical person whom I have execrated -so long, under the name of Wilson--He had eloped from college at -Cambridge, to avoid a match that he detested, and acted in different -parts of the country as a stroller, until the lady in question made -choice of a husband for herself; then he returned to his father, and -disclosed his passion for Liddy, which met with the approbation of his -parents, though the father little imagined that Mr Bramble was his old -companion Matthew Loyd. The young gentleman, being impowered to make -honourable proposals to my uncle and me, had been in search of us all -over England, without effect; and he it was whom I had seen pass on -horseback by the window of the inn, where I stood with my sister, but -he little dreamed that we were in the house--As for the real Mr Wilson, -whom I called forth to combat, by mistake, he is the neighbour and -intimate friend of old Mr Dennison, and this connexion had suggested to -the son the idea of taking that name while he remained in obscurity. - -You may easily conceive what pleasure I must have felt on discovering -that the honour of our family was in no danger from the conduct of a -sister whom I love with uncommon affection; that, instead of debasing -her sentiments and views to a wretched stroller, she had really -captivated the heart of a gentleman, her equal in rank and superior in -fortune; and that, as his parents approved of his attachment, I was on -the eve of acquiring a brother-in-law so worthy of my friendship and -esteem. George Dennison is, without all question, one of the most -accomplished young fellows in England. His person is at once elegant -and manly, and his understanding highly cultivated. Tho' his spirit -is lofty, his heart is kind; and his manner so engaging, as to command -veneration and love, even from malice and indifference. When I weigh -my own character with his, I am ashamed to find myself so light in the -balance; but the comparison excites no envy--I propose him as a model -for imitation--I have endeavoured to recommend myself to his friendship, -and hope I have already found a place in his affection. I am, however, -mortified to reflect what flagrant injustice we every day commit, and -what absurd judgment we form, in viewing objects through the falsifying -mediums of prejudice and passion. Had you asked me a few days ago, the -picture of Wilson the player, I should have drawn a portrait very unlike -the real person and character of George Dennison. Without all doubt, the -greatest advantage acquired in travelling and perusing mankind in the -original, is that of dispelling those shameful clouds that darken the -faculties of the mind, preventing it from judging with candour and -precision. - -The real Wilson is a great original, and the best tempered, -companionable man I ever knew--I question if ever he was angry or -low-spirited in his life. He makes no pretensions to letters; but he is -an adept in every thing else that can be either useful or entertaining. -Among other qualifications, he is a complete sportsman, and counted the -best shot in the county. He and Dennison, and Lismahago and I, attended -by Clinker, went a-shooting yesterday, and made a great havock among the -partridges--To-morrow we shall take the field against the woodcocks and -snipes. In the evening we dance and sing, or play at commerce, loo, and -quadrille. - -Mr Dennison is an elegant poet, and has written some detached pieces on -the subject of his passion for Liddy, which must be very flattering -to the vanity of a young woman--Perhaps he is one of the greatest -theatrical geniuses that ever appeared. He sometimes entertains us with -reciting favourite speeches from our best plays. We are resolved to -convert the great hall into a theatre, and get up the Beaux Stratagem -without delay--I think I shall make no contemptible figure in the -character of Scrub; and Lismahago will be very great in Captain Gibbet. -Wilson undertakes to entertain the country people with Harlequin -Skeleton, for which he has got a jacket ready painted with his own hand. - -Our society is really enchanting. Even the severity of Lismahago -relaxes, and the vinegar of Mrs Tabby is remarkably dulcified, ever -since it was agreed that she should take precedency of her niece in -being first noosed: for, you must know, the day is fixed for Liddy's -marriage; and the banns for both couples have been already once -published in the parish church. The Captain earnestly begged that -one trouble might serve for all, and Tabitha assented with a vile -affectation of reluctance. Her inamorato, who came hither very slenderly -equipt, has sent for his baggage to London, which, in all probability, -will not arrive in time for the wedding; but it is of no great -consequence, as every thing is to be transacted with the utmost -privacy--Meanwhile, directions are given for making out the contracts -of marriage, which are very favourable for both females; Liddy will be -secured in a good jointure; and her aunt will remain mistress of her own -fortune, except one half of the interest, which her husband shall have -a right to enjoy for his natural life: I think this is as little in -conscience as can be done for a man who yokes with such a partner for -life. - -These expectants seem to be so happy, that if Mr Dennison had an -agreeable daughter, I believe I should be for making the third couple -in this country dance. The humour seems to be infectious; for Clinker, -alias Loyd, has a month's mind to play the fool, in the same fashion, -with Mrs Winifred Jenkins. He has even sounded me on the subject; but I -have given him no encouragement to prosecute this scheme--I told him -I thought he might do better, as there was no engagement nor promise -subsisting; that I did not know what designs my uncle might have formed -for his advantage; but I was of opinion, that he should not, at present, -run the risque of disobliging him by any premature application of this -nature--Honest Humphry protested he would suffer death sooner than do or -say any thing that should give offence to the 'squire: but he owned he -had a kindness for the young woman, and had reason to think she -looked upon him with a favourable eye; that he considered this mutual -manifestation of good will, as an engagement understood, which ought to -be binding to the conscience of an honest man; and he hoped the 'squire -and I would be of the same opinion, when we should be at leisure to -bestow any thought about the matter--I believe he is in the right; and -we shall find time to take his case into consideration--You see we are -fixed for some weeks at least, and as you have had a long respite, I -hope you will begin immediately to discharge the arrears due to - -Your affectionate, J. MELFORD Oct. 14. - - - - -To Miss LAETITIA WILLIS, at Gloucester. - -MY DEAR, DEAR LETTY, - -Never did I sit down to write in such agitation as I now feel--In -the course of a few days, we have met with a number of incidents so -wonderful and interesting, that all my ideas are thrown into confusion -and perplexity--You must not expect either method or coherence in what -I am going to relate--my dearest Willis. Since my last, the aspect of -affairs is totally changed!--and so changed! but I would fain give you -a regular detail--In passing a river about eight days ago, our coach was -overturned, and some of us narrowly escaped with life--My uncle had well -nigh perished. O Heaven, I cannot reflect upon that circumstance without -horror--I should have lost my best friend, my father and protector, but -for the resolution and activity of his servant Humphry Clinker, whom -Providence really seems to have placed near him for the necessity of -this occasion.--I would not be thought superstitious; but surely he -acted from a stronger impulse than common fidelity. Was it not the -voice of nature that loudly called upon him to save the life of his -own father? for, 0 Letty, it was discovered that Humphry Clinker was my -uncle's natural son. - -Almost at the same instant, a gentleman, who came to offer us his -assistance, and invite us to his house, turned out to be a very old -friend of Mr Bramble.--His name is Mr Dennison, one of the worthiest men -living; and his lady is a perfect saint upon earth. They have an only -son--who do you think is this only son?--O Letty!--O gracious heaven! -how my heart palpitates, when I tell you that this only son of Mr -Dennison's, is that very identical youth who, under the name of Wilson, -has made such ravage in my heart!--Yes, my dear friend! Wilson and I are -now lodged in the same house, and converse together freely--His father -approves of his sentiments in my favour; his mother loves me with all -the tenderness of a parent; my uncle, my aunt and my brother, no longer -oppose my inclinations--On the contrary, they have agreed to make us -happy without delay; and in three weeks or a month, if no unforeseen -accident intervenes, your friend Lydia Melford, will have changed her -name and condition--I say, if no accident intervenes, because such a -torrent of success makes me tremble!--I wish there may not be something -treacherous in this sudden reconciliation of fortune--I have no merit--I -have no title to such felicity. Far from enjoying the prospect that -lies before me, my mind is harrassed with a continued tumult, made up of -hopes and wishes, doubts and apprehensions--I can neither eat nor sleep, -and my spirits are in perpetual flutter.--I more than ever feel that -vacancy in my heart, which your presence alone can fill.--The mind, in -every disquiet, seeks to repose itself on the bosom of a friend; and -this is such a trial as I really know not how to support without your -company and counsel--I must, therefore, dear Letty, put your friendship -to the test--I must beg you will come and do the last offices of -maidenhood to your companion Lydia Melford. - -This letter goes inclosed in one to our worthy governess, from Mrs -Dennison, entreating her to interpose with your mamma, that you may be -allowed to favour us with your company on this occasion; and I flatter -myself that no material objection can be made to our request. The -distance from hence to Gloucester, does not exceed one hundred miles, -and the roads are good.--Mr Clinker, alias Loyd, shall be sent over to -attend your motions--If you step into the post-chaise, with your maid -Betty Barker, at seven in the morning, you will arrive by four in the -afternoon at the half-way house, where there is good accommodation. -There you shall be met by my brother and myself, who will next day -conduct you to this place, where, I am sure, you will find yourself -perfectly at your case in the midst of an agreeable society.--Dear -Letty, I will take no refusal--if you have any friendship--any -humanity--you will come.--I desire that immediate application may be -made to your mamma; and that the moment her permission is obtained, you -will apprise - -Your ever faithful, LYDIA MELFORD Oct. 14. - - - - -To Mrs JERMYN, at her house in Gloucester. - -DEAR MADAM, - -Though I was not so fortunate as to be favoured with an answer to the -letter with which I troubled you in the spring, I still flatter myself -that you retain some regard for me and my concerns. I am sure the care -and tenderness with which I was treated, under your roof and tuition, -demand the warmest returns of gratitude and affection on my part, and -these sentiments, I hope, I shall cherish to my dying day--At present, -I think it my duty to make you acquainted with the happy issue of that -indiscretion by which I incurred your displeasure.--Ah! madam, the -slighted Wilson is metamorphosed into George Dennison, only son and heir -of a gentleman, whose character is second to none in England, as you may -understand upon inquiry. My guardian, my brother and I, are now in his -house; and an immediate union of the two families is to take place in -the persons of the young gentleman and your poor Lydia Melford.--You -will easily conceive how embarrassing this situation must be to a young -inexperienced creature like me, of weak nerves and strong apprehensions; -and how much the presence of a friend and confidant would encourage and -support me on this occasion. You know, that of all the young ladies, -Miss Willis was she that possessed the greatest share of my confidence -and affection; and, therefore, I fervently wish to have the happiness of -her company at this interesting crisis. - -Mrs Dennison, who is the object of universal love and esteem, has, at -my request, written to you on this subject, and I now beg leave to -reinforce her sollicitations.--My dear Mrs Jermyn! my ever honoured -governess! let me conjure you by that fondness which once distinguished -your favourite Lydia! by that benevolence of heart, which disposes you -to promote the happiness of your fellow-creatures in general! lend -a favourable ear to my petition, and use your influence with Letty's -mamma, that my most earnest desire may be gratified. Should I be -indulged in this particular, I will engage to return her safe, and even -to accompany her to Gloucester, where, if you will give me leave, I will -present to you, under another name, - -Dear Madam, Your most affectionate Humble servant, And penitent, LYDIA -MELFORD Oct. 14. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -O MARY JONES! MARY JONES! - -I have met with so many axidents, suprisals, and terrifications, that -I am in a pafeck fantigo, and I believe I shall never be my own self -again. Last week I was dragged out of a river like a drowned rat, and -lost a bran-new night-cap, with a sulfer stayhook, that cost me a good -half-a-crown, and an odd shoe of green gallow monkey; besides wetting my -cloaths and taring my smuck, and an ugly gash made in the back part of -my thy, by the stump of a tree--To be sure Mr Clinker tuck me out of the -cox; but he left me on my back in the water, to go to the 'squire; and I -mought have had a watry grave, if a millar had not brought me to the dry -land--But, O! what choppings and changes girl--The player man that came -after Miss Liddy, and frightened me with a beard at Bristol Well, is now -matthew-murphy'd into a fine young gentleman, son and hare of 'squire -Dollison--We are all together in the same house, and all parties have -agreed to the match, and in a fortnite the surrymony will be performed. - -But this is not the only wedding we are to have--Mistriss is resolved -to have the same frolick, in the naam of God! Last Sunday in the parish -crutch, if my own ars may be trusted, the clerk called the banes of -marridge betwixt Opaniah Lashmeheygo, and Tapitha Brample, spinster; he -mought as well have called her inkle-weaver, for she never spun and hank -of yarn in her life--Young 'squire Dollison and Miss Liddy make the -second kipple; and there might have been a turd, but times are changed -with Mr Clinker--O Molly! what do'st think? Mr Clinker is found to be a -pye-blow of our own 'squire, and his rite naam is Mr Matthew Loyd (thof -God he nose how that can be); and he is now out of livery, and wares -ruffles--but I new him when he was out at elbows, and had not a rag to -kiver his pistereroes; so he need not hold his head so high--He is for -sartin very umble and compleasant, and purtests as how he has the same -regard as before; but that he is no longer his own master, and cannot -portend to marry without the 'squire's consent--He says he must wait -with patience, and trust to Providence, and such nonsense--But if so be -as how his regard be the same, why stand shilly shally? Why not strike -while the iron is hot, and speak to the 'squire without loss of time? -What subjection can the 'squire make to our coming together--Thof my -father wan't a gentleman, my mother was an honest woman--I didn't come -on the wrong side of the blanket, girl--My parents were marred according -to the right of holy mother crutch, in the face of men and angles--Mark -that, Mary Jones. - -Mr Clinker (Loyd I would say) had best look to his tackle. There be -other chaps in the market, as the saying is--What would he say if I -should except the soot and sarvice of the young squire's valley? Mr -Machappy is a gentleman born, and has been abroad in the wars--He has a -world of buck larning, and speaks French, and Ditch, and Scotch, and all -manner of outlandish lingos; to be sure he's a little the worse for the -ware, and is much given to drink; but then he's good-tempered in his -liquor, and a prudent woman mought wind him about her finger--But I have -no thoughts of him, I'll assure you--I scorn for to do, or to say, or -to think any thing that mought give unbreech to Mr Loyd, without furder -occasion--But then I have such vapours, Molly I sit and cry by myself, -and take ass of etida, and smill to burnt fathers, and kindal-snuffs; -and I pray constantly for grease, that I may have a glimpse of the -new-light, to shew me the way through this wretched veil of tares. And -yet, I want for nothing in this family of love, where every sole is so -kind and so courteous, that wan would think they are so many saints in -haven. Dear Molly, I recommend myself to your prayers, being, with my -sarvice to Saul, - -your ever loving, and discounselled friend, WIN. JENKINS Oct. 14. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DICK, - -You cannot imagine what pleasure I have in seeing your hand-writing, -after such a long cessation on your side of our correspondence--Yet, -Heaven knows, I have often seen your hand-writing with disgust--I mean, -when it appeared in abbreviations of apothecary's Latin--I like your -hint of making interest for the reversion of the collector's place, for -Mr Lismahago, who is much pleased with the scheme, and presents you -with his compliments and best thanks for thinking so kindly of his -concerns--The man seems to mend, upon further acquaintance. That harsh -reserve, which formed a disagreeable husk about his character, begins to -peel off in the course of our communication--I have great hopes that -he and Tabby will be as happily paired as any two draught animals in -the kingdom; and I make no doubt but that he will prove a valuable -acquisition to our little society, in the article of conversation, by -the fire-side in winter. - -Your objection to my passing this season of the year at such a distance -from home, would have more weight if I did not find myself perfectly at -my ease where I am; and my health so much improved, that I am disposed -to bid defiance to gout and rheumatism--I begin to think I have put -myself on the superannuated list too soon, and absurdly sought -for health in the retreats of laziness--I am persuaded that all -valetudinarians are too sedentary, too regular, and too cautious--We -should sometimes increase the motion of the machine, to unclog the -wheels of life; and now and then take a plunge amidst the waves of -excess, in order to caseharden the constitution. I have even found a -change of company as necessary as a change of air, to promote a vigorous -circulation of the spirits, which is the very essence and criterion of -good health. - -Since my last, I have been performing the duties of friendship, that -required a great deal of exercise, from which I hope to derive some -benefit--Understanding, by the greatest accident in the world, that -Mr Baynard's wife was dangerously ill of a pleuritic fever, I borrowed -Dennison's post-chaise, and went across the country to his habitation, -attended only by Loyd (quondam Clinker) on horseback.--As the distance -is not above thirty miles, I arrived about four in the afternoon, and -meeting the physician at the door, was informed that his patient had -just expired.--I was instantly seized with a violent emotion, but it -was not grief.--The family being in confusion, I ran up stairs into -the chamber, where, indeed, they were all assembled.--The aunt stood -wringing her hands in a kind of stupefaction of sorrow, but my friend -acted all the extravagancies of affliction--He held the body in his -arms, and poured forth such a lamentation, that one would have thought -he had lost the most amiable consort and valuable companion upon earth. - -Affection may certainly exist independent of esteem; nay, the same -object may be lovely in one respect, and detestable in another--The mind -has a surprising faculty of accommodating, and even attaching itself, -in such a manner, by dint of use, to things that are in their own nature -disagreeable, and even pernicious, that it cannot bear to be delivered -from them without reluctance and regret. Baynard was so absorbed in his -delirium, that he did not perceive me when I entered, and desired one of -the women to conduct the aunt into her own chamber.--At the same time I -begged the tutor to withdraw the boy, who stood gaping in a corner, -very little affected with the distress of the scene.--These steps being -taken, I waited till the first violence of my friend's transport was -abated, then disengaged him gently from the melancholy object, and led -him by the hand into another apartment; though he struggled so hard, -that I was obliged to have recourse to the assistance of his valet de -chambre--In a few minutes, however, he recollected himself, and folding -me in his arms, 'This (cried he), is a friendly office, indeed!--I know -not how you came hither; but, I think, Heaven sent you to prevent my -going distracted--O Matthew! I have lost my dear Harriet!--my poor, -gentle, tender creature, that loved me with such warmth and purity of -affection--my constant companion of twenty years! She's gone--she's gone -for ever!--Heaven and earth! where is she?--Death shall not part us!' - -So saying, he started up, and could hardly be with-held from returning -to the scene we had quitted--You will perceive it would have been very -absurd for me to argue with a man that talked so madly.--On all such -occasions, the first torrent of passion must be allowed to subside -gradually.--I endeavoured to beguile his attention by starting little -hints and insinuating other objects of discourse imperceptibly; and -being exceedingly pleased in my own mind at this event, I exerted -myself with such an extraordinary flow of spirits as was attended with -success.--In a few hours, he was calm enough to hear reason, and even to -own that Heaven could not have interposed more effectually to rescue -him from disgrace and ruin.--That he might not, however, relapse into -weaknesses for want of company, I passed the night in his chamber, in a -little tent bed brought thither on purpose; and well it was I took -this precaution, for he started up in bed several times, and would have -played the fool, if I had not been present. - -Next day he was in a condition to talk of business, and vested me with -full authority over his household, which I began to exercise without -loss of time, tho' not before he knew and approved of the scheme I -had projected for his advantage.--He would have quitted the house -immediately; but this retreat I opposed.--Far from encouraging a -temporary disgust, which might degenerate into an habitual aversion, -I resolved, if possible, to attach him more than ever to his Houshold -Gods.--I gave directions for the funeral to be as private as was -consistant with decency; I wrote to London, that an inventory and -estimate might be made of the furniture and effects in his town-house, -and gave notice to the landlord, that Mr Baynard should quit the -premises at Lady-day; I set a person at work to take account of every -thing in the country-house, including horses, carriages, and harness; I -settled the young gentleman at a boarding-school, kept by a clergyman in -the neighbourhood, and thither he went without reluctance, as soon as -he knew that he was to be troubled no more with his tutor, whom we -dismissed. The aunt continued very sullen, and never appeared at -table, though Mr Baynard payed his respects to her every day in her -own chamber; there also she held conferences with the waiting-women and -other servants of the family: but, the moment her niece was interred, -she went away in a post-chaise prepared for that purpose: she did not -leave the house, however, without giving Mr Baynard to understand, that -the wardrobe of her niece was the perquisite of her woman; accordingly -that worthless drab received all the clothes, laces, and linen of her -deceased mistress, to the value of five hundred pounds, at a moderate -computation. - -The next step I took was to disband that legion of supernumerary -domestics, who had preyed so long upon the vitals of my friend:, a -parcel of idle drones, so intolerably insolent, that they even treated -their own master with the most contemptuous neglect. They had been -generally hired by his wife, according to the recommendation of her -woman, and these were the only patrons to whom they payed the least -deference. I had therefore uncommon satisfaction in clearing the house -of these vermin. The woman of the deceased, and a chambermaid, a valet -de chambre, a butler, a French cook, a master gardener, two footmen and -a coachman, I payed off, and turned out of the house immediately, paying -to each a month's wages in lieu of warning. Those whom I retained, -consisted of the female cook, who had been assistant to the Frenchman, -a house maid, an old lacquey, a postilion, and under-gardener. Thus I -removed at once a huge mountain of expence and care from the shoulders -of my friend, who could hardly believe the evidence of his own senses, -when he found himself so suddenly and so effectually relieved. His -heart, however, was still subject to vibrations of tenderness, -which returned at certain intervals, extorting sighs, and tears, and -exclamations of grief and impatience: but these fits grew every day -less violent and less frequent, 'till at length his reason obtained a -complete victory over the infirmities of his nature. - -Upon an accurate enquiry into the state of his affairs, I find his debts -amount to twenty thousand pounds, for eighteen thousand pounds of which -sum his estate is mortgaged; and as he pays five per cent. interest, and -some of his farms are unoccupied, he does not receive above two hundred -pounds a year clear from his lands, over and above the interest of -his wife's fortune, which produced eight hundred pounds annually. For -lightening this heavy burthen, I devised the following expedient. His -wife's jewels, together with his superfluous plate and furniture in both -houses, his horses and carriages, which are already advertised to be -sold by auction, will, according to the estimate, produce two thousand -five hundred pounds in ready money, with which the debt will be -immediately reduced to eighteen thousand pounds--I have undertaken to -find him ten thousand pounds at four per cent. by which means he will -save one hundred a-year in the article of interest, and perhaps we shall -be able to borrow the other eight thousand on the same terms. According -to his own scheme of a country life, he says he can live comfortably for -three hundred pounds a-year; but, as he has a son to educate, we will -allow him five hundred; then there will be an accumulating fund of seven -hundred a-year, principal and interest, to pay off the incumbrance; -and, I think, we may modestly add three hundred, on the presumption -of new-leasing and improving the vacant farms: so that, in a couple of -years, I suppose there will be above a thousand a-year appropriated to -liquidate a debt of sixteen thousand. - -We forthwith began to class and set apart the articles designed for -sale, under the direction of an upholder from London; and, that nobody -in the house might be idle, commenced our reformation without doors, -as well as within. With Baynard's good leave, I ordered the gardener to -turn the rivulet into its old channel, to refresh the fainting Naiads, -who had so long languished among mouldring roots, withered leaves, and -dry pebbles--The shrubbery is condemned to extirpation; and the -pleasure ground will be restored to its original use of corn-field and -pasture--Orders are given for rebuilding the walls of the garden at the -back of the house, and for planting clumps of firs, intermingled with -beech and chestnut, at the east end, which is now quite exposed to the -surly blasts that come from that quarter. All these works being actually -begun, and the house and auction left to the care and management of a -reputable attorney, I brought Baynard along with me in the chaise, and -made him acquainted with Dennison, whose goodness of heart would not -fail to engage his esteem and affection.--He is indeed charmed with our -society in general, and declares that he never saw the theory of true -pleasure reduced to practice before. I really believe it would not be an -easy task to find such a number of individuals assembled under one roof, -more happy than we are at present. - -I must tell you, however, in confidence, I suspect Tabby of -tergiversation.--I have been so long accustomed to that original, that -I know all the caprices of her heart, and can often perceive her designs -while they are yet in embrio--She attached herself to Lismahago for no -other reason but that she despaired of making a more agreeable conquest. -At present, if I am not much mistaken in my observation, she would -gladly convert the widowhood of Baynard to her own advantage.--Since -he arrived, she has behaved very coldly to the captain, and strove to -fasten on the other's heart, with the hooks of overstrained civility. -These must be the instinctive efforts of her constitution, rather than -the effects of any deliberate design; for matters are carried to such a -length with the lieutenant, that she could not retract with any regard -to conscience or reputation. Besides, she will meet with nothing but -indifference or aversion on the side of Baynard, who has too much sense -to think of such a partner at any time, and too much delicacy to admit a -thought of any such connexion at the present juncture--Meanwhile, I have -prevailed upon her to let him have four thousand pounds at four per cent -towards paying off his mortage. Young Dennison has agreed that -Liddy's fortune shall be appropriated to the same purpose, on the same -terms.--His father will sell out three thousand pounds stock for his -accommodation.--Farmer Bland has, at the desire of Wilson, undertaken -for two thousand; and I must make an effort to advance what further will -be required to take my friend out of the hands of the Philistines. He -is so pleased with the improvements made on his estate, which is all -cultivated like a garden, that he has entered himself as a pupil in -farming to Mr Dennison, and resolved to attach himself wholly to the -practice of husbandry. - -Every thing is now prepared for our double wedding. The -marriage-articles for both couples are drawn and executed; and the -ceremony only waits until the parties shall have been resident in the -parish the term prescribed by law. Young Dennison betrays some symptoms -of impatience; but, Lismahago bears this necessary delay with the temper -of a philosopher.--You must know, the captain does not stand altogether -on the foundation of personal merit. Besides his half-pay, amounting to -two and forty pounds a year, this indefatigable oeconomist has amassed -eight hundred pounds, which he has secured in the funds. This sum arises -partly from his pay's running up while he remained among the Indians; -partly from what he received as a consideration for the difference -between his full appointment and the half-pay, to which he is now -restricted; and partly from the profits of a little traffick he drove in -peltry, during his sachemship among the Miamis. - -Liddy's fears and perplexities have been much assuaged by the company -of one Miss Willis, who had been her intimate companion at the -boarding-school. Her parents had been earnestly sollicited to allow her -making this friendly visit on such an extraordinary occasion; and two -days ago she arrived with her mother, who did not chuse that she should -come without a proper gouvernante. The young lady is very sprightly, -handsome, and agreeable, and the mother a mighty good sort of a woman; -so that their coming adds considerably to our enjoyment. But we shall -have a third couple yoked in the matrimonial chain. Mr Clinker Loyd has -made humble remonstrance through the canal of my nephew, setting forth -the sincere love and affection mutually subsisting between him and Mrs -Winifred Jenkins, and praying my consent to their coming together for -life. I would have wished that Mr Clinker had kept out of this scrape; -but as the nymph's happiness is at stake, and she has already some -fits in the way of despondence, I, in order to prevent any tragical -catastrophe, have given him leave to play the fool, in imitation of -his betters; and I suppose we shall in time have a whole litter of his -progeny at Brambleton-hall. The fellow is stout and lusty, very sober -and conscientious; and the wench seems to be as great an enthusiast in -love as in religion. - -I wish you would think of employing him some other way, that the -parish may not be overstocked--you know he has been bred a farrier, -consequently belongs to the faculty; and as he is very docile, I make -no doubt but, with your good instruction, he may be, in a little time, -qualified to act as a Welch apothecary. Tabby, who never did a favour -with a good grace, has consented, with great reluctance, to this match. -Perhaps it hurts her pride, as she now considers Clinker in the light of -a relation; but, I believe, her objections are of a more selfish nature. -She declares she cannot think of retaining the wife of Matthew Loyd in -the character of a servant; and she foresees, that on such an occasion -the woman will expect some gratification for her past services. As for -Clinker, exclusive of other considerations, he is so trusty, brave, -affectionate, and alert, and I owe him such personal obligations, that -he merits more than all the indulgence that can possibly be shewn him, -by - -Yours, MATT. BRAMBLE Oct. 26. - - - - -To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS, Bart. at Oxon. - -DEAR KNIGHT, - -The fatal knots are now tied. The comedy is near a close; and the -curtain is ready to drop: but, the latter scenes of this act I shall -recapitulate in order--About a fortnight ago, my uncle made an excursion -across the country, and brought hither a particular friend, one Mr -Baynard, who has just lost his wife, and was for some time disconsolate, -though by all accounts he had much more cause for joy than for sorrow at -this event.--His countenance, however, clears up apace; and he appears -to be a person of rare accomplishments.--But, we have received another -still more agreeable reinforcement to our company, by the arrival -of Miss Willis from Gloucester. She was Liddy's bosom friend at the -boarding-school, and being earnestly sollicited to assist at the -nuptials, her mother was so obliging as to grant my sister's request, -and even to come with her in person. Liddy, accompanied by George -Dennison and me, gave them the meeting halfway, and next day conducted -them hither in safety. Miss Willis is a charming girl, and, in point of -disposition, an agreeable contrast to my sister, who is rather too grave -and sentimental for my turn of mind. The other is gay, frank, a little -giddy, and always good-humoured. She has, moreover, a genteel fortune, -is well born, and remarkably handsome. Ah Phillips! if these qualities -were permanent--if her humour would never change, nor her beauties -decay, what efforts would I not make--But these are idle reflections--my -destiny must one day be fulfilled. - -At present we pass the time as agreeably as we can.--We have got up -several farces, which afforded unspeakable entertainment by the effects -they produced among the country people, who are admitted to all our -exhibitions.--Two nights ago, Jack Wilson acquired great applause in -Harlequin Skeleton, and Lismahago surprised us all in the character -of Pierot.--His long lank sides, and strong marked features, were all -peculiarly adapted to his part.--He appeared with a ludicrous stare, -from which he had discharged all meaning: he adopted the impressions of -fear and amazement so naturally, that many of the audience were infected -by his looks; but when the skeleton held him in chace his horror -became most divertingly picturesque, and seemed to endow him with such -praeternatural agility as confounded all the spectators. It was a lively -representation of Death in pursuit of Consumption, and had such an -effect upon the commonalty, that some of them shrieked aloud, and others -ran out of the hall in the utmost consternation. - -This is not the only instance in which the lieutenant has lately -excited our wonder. His temper, which had been soured and shrivelled -by disappointment and chagrin, is now swelled out, and smoothed like -a raisin in plumb-porridge. From being reserved and punctilious, he is -become easy and obliging. He cracks jokes, laughs and banters, with the -most facetious familiarity; and, in a word, enters into all our schemes -of merriment and pastime--The other day his baggage arrived in the -waggon from London, contained in two large trunks and a long deal box -not unlike a coffin. The trunks were filled with his wardrobe, which -he displayed for the entertainment of the company, and he freely owned, -that it consisted chiefly of the opima spolia taken in battle. What he -selected for his wedding suit, was a tarnished white cloth faced with -blue velvet, embroidered with silver; but, he valued himself most upon a -tye-periwig, in which he had made his first appearance as a lawyer above -thirty years ago. This machine had been in buckle ever since, and now -all the servants in the family were employed to frizz it out for the -occasion, which was yesterday celebrated at the parish church. George -Dennison and his bride were distinguished by nothing extraordinary -in their apparel. His eyes lightened with eagerness and joy, and she -trembled with coyness and confusion. My uncle gave her away, and her -friend Willis supported her during the ceremony. - -But my aunt and her paramour took the pas, and formed, indeed, such a -pair of originals, as, I believe all England could not parallel. She was -dressed in the stile of 1739; and the day being cold, put on a -manteel of green velvet laced with gold: but this was taken off by the -bridegroom, who threw over her shoulders a fur cloak of American sables, -valued at fourscore guineas, a present equally agreeable and unexpected. -Thus accoutred, she was led up to the altar by Mr Dennison, who did the -office of her father: Lismahago advanced in the military step with -his French coat reaching no farther than the middle of his thigh, his -campaign wig that surpasses all description, and a languishing leer -upon his countenance, in which there seemed to be something arch and -ironical. The ring, which he put upon her finger, he had concealed -till the moment it was used. He now produced it with an air of -self-complacency. It was a curious antique, set with rose diamonds: he -told us afterwards, it had been in the family two hundred years and was -a present from his grand-mother. These circumstances agreeably flattered -the pride of our aunt Tabitha, which had already found uncommon -gratification in the captain's generosity; for he had, in the morning, -presented my uncle with a fine bear's skin, and a Spanish fowling-piece, -and me with a case of pistols curiously mounted with silver. At the same -time he gave Mrs Jenkins an Indian purse, made of silk grass, containing -twenty crown pieces. You must know, this young lady, with the assistance -of Mr Loyd, formed the third couple who yesterday sacrificed to Hymen. -I wrote to you in my last, that he had recourse to my mediation, which I -employed successfully with my uncle; but Mrs Tabitha held out 'till the -love-sick Jenkins had two fits of the mother; then she relented, and -those two cooing turtles were caged for life--Our aunt made an effort of -generosity in furnishing the bride with her superfluities of clothes and -linen, and her example was followed by my sister; nor did Mr Bramble -and I neglect her on this occasion. It was, indeed, a day of -peace-offering.--Mr Dennison insisted upon Liddy's accepting two bank -notes of one hundred pounds each, as pocket-money; and his lady gave her -a diamond necklace of double that value. There was, besides, a mutual -exchange of tokens among the individuals of the two families thus -happily united. - -As George Dennison and his partner were judged improper objects of -mirth, Jack Wilson had resolved to execute some jokes on Lismahago, and -after supper began to ply him with bumpers, when the ladies had retired; -but the captain perceiving his drift, begged for quarter, alledging that -the adventure, in which he had engaged, was a very serious matter; and -that it would be more the part of a good Christian to pray that he -might be strengthened, than to impede his endeavours to finish the -adventure.--He was spared accordingly, and permitted to ascend the -nuptial couch with all his senses about him.--There he and his consort -sat in state, like Saturn and Cybele, while the benediction posset was -drank; and a cake being broken over the head of Mrs Tabitha Lismahago, -the fragments were distributed among the bystanders, according to the -custom of the antient Britons, on the supposition that every person who -eat of this hallowed cake, should that night have a vision of the man or -woman whom Heaven designed should be his or her wedded mate. - -The weight of Wilson's waggery fell upon honest Humphry and his spouse, -who were bedded in an upper room, with the usual ceremony of throwing -the stocking.--This being performed, and the company withdrawn, a sort -of catterwauling ensued, when Jack found means to introduce a real cat -shod with walnut-shells, which galloping along the boards, made such a -dreadful noise as effectually discomposed our lovers.--Winifred screamed -aloud, and shrunk under the bed-cloaths--Mr Loyd, believing that -Satan was come to buffet him in propria persona, laid aside all carnal -thoughts, and began to pray aloud with great fervency.--At length, the -poor animal, being more afraid than either, leaped into the bed, and -meauled with the most piteous exclamation.--Loyd, thus informed of the -nature of the annoyance, rose and set the door wide open, so that this -troublesome visitant retreated with great expedition; then securing -himself, by means of a double bolt, from a second intrusion, he was left -to enjoy his good fortune without further disturbance. - -If one may judge from the looks of the parties, they are all very well -satisfied with what has passed--George Dennison and his wife are -too delicate to exhibit any strong marked signs of their mutual -satisfaction, but their eyes are sufficiently expressive--Mrs Tabitha -Lismahago is rather fulsome in signifying her approbation of the -captain's love; while his deportment is the very pink of gallantry.--He -sighs, and ogles, and languishes at this amiable object; he kisses her -hand, mutters ejaculations of rapture, and sings tender airs; and, no -doubt, laughs internally at her folly in believing him sincere.--In -order to shew how little his vigour was impaired by the fatigues of the -preceding day, he this morning danced a Highland sarabrand over a -naked back-sword, and leaped so high, that I believe he would make no -contemptible figure as a vaulter at Sadler's Wells.--Mr Matthew Loyd, -when asked how he relished his bargain, throws up his eyes, crying, -'For what we have received, Lord make us thankful: amen.'--His helpmate -giggles, and holds her hand before her eyes, affecting to be ashamed -of having been in bed with a man.--Thus all these widgeons enjoy the -novelty of their situation; but, perhaps their notes will be changed, -when they are better acquainted with the nature of the decoy. - -As Mrs Willis cannot be persuaded to stay, and Liddy is engaged by -promise to accompany her daughter back to Gloucester, I fancy there will -be a general migration from hence, and that most of us will spend the -Christmas holidays at Bath; in which case, I shall certainly find an -opportunity to beat up your quarters.--By this time, I suppose, you -are sick of alma mater, and even ready to execute that scheme of -peregrination, which was last year concerted between you and - -Your affectionate J. MELFORD Nov. 8. - - - - -To Dr LEWIS. - -DEAR DOCTOR, - -My niece Liddy is now happily settled for life; and captain Lismahago -has taken Tabby off my hands; so that I have nothing further to do, but -to comfort my friend Baynard, and provide for my son Loyd, who is also -fairly joined to Mrs Winifred Jenkins. You are an excellent genius at -hints.--Dr Arbuthnot was but a type of Dr Lewis in that respect. What -you observe of the vestry-clerk deserves consideration.--I make no -doubt but Matthew Loyd is well enough qualified for the office; but, -at present, you must find room for him in the house.--His incorruptible -honesty and indefatigable care will be serviceable in superintending -the oeconomy of my farm; tho' I don't mean that he shall interfere with -Barns, of whom I have no cause to complain.--I am just returned with -Baynard, from a second trip to his house, where every thing is regulated -to his satisfaction.--He could not, however, review the apartments -without tears and lamentation, so that he is not yet in a condition to -be left alone; therefore I will not part with him till the spring, when -he intends to plunge into the avocations of husbandry, which will at -once employ and amuse his attention.--Charles Dennison has promised to -stay with him a fortnight, to set him fairly afloat in his improvements; -and Jack Wilson will see him from time to time; besides, he has a few -friends in the country, whom his new plan of life will not exclude from -his society.--In less than a year, I make no doubt, but he will find -himself perfectly at ease both in his mind and body, for the one had -dangerously affected the other; and I shall enjoy the exquisite pleasure -of seeing my friend rescued from misery and contempt. - -Mrs Willis being determined to return with her daughter, in a few -days, to Gloucester, our plan has undergone some alteration. Jery has -persuaded his brother-in-law to carry his wife to Bath; and I believe -his parents will accompany him thither.--For my part, I have no -intention to take that route.--It must be something very extraordinary -that will induce me to revisit either Bath or London.--My sister and her -husband, Baynard and I, will take leave of them at Gloucester, and make -the best of our way to Brambleton hall, where I desire you will prepare -a good chine and turkey for our Christmas dinner.--You must also employ -your medical skill in defending me from the attacks of the gout, that I -may be in good case to receive the rest of our company, who promise -to visit us in their return from the Bath.--As I have laid in a -considerable stock of health, it is to be hoped you will not have much -trouble with me in the way of physic, but I intend to work you on -the side of exercise.--I have got an excellent fowling-piece from Mr -Lismahago, who is a keen sportsman, and we shall take the heath in -all weathers.--That this scheme of life may be prosecuted the more -effectually, I intend to renounce all sedentary amusements, particularly -that of writing long letters; a resolution, which, had I taken it -sooner, might have saved you the trouble which you have lately taken in -reading the tedious epistles of - -MATT. BRAMBLE NOV. 20. - - - - -To Mrs GWYLLIM, at Brambleton-hall. - -GOOD MRS GWYLLIM, - -Heaven, for wise porpuses, hath ordained that I should change my name -and citation in life, so that I am not to be considered any more -as manager of my brother's family; but as I cannot surrender up my -stewardship till I have settled with you and Williams, I desire you will -get your accunts ready for inspection, as we are coming home without -further delay.--My spouse, the captain, being subject to rummaticks, I -beg you will take great care to have the blew chamber, up two pair of -stairs, well warmed for his reception.--Let the sashes be secured, the -crevices stopt, the carpets laid, and the beds well tousled.--Mrs Loyd, -late Jenkins, being married to a relation of the family, cannot remain -in the capacity of a sarvant; therefore, I wish you would cast about for -some creditable body to be with me in her room--If she can spin, and -is mistress of plain-work, so much the better--but she must not expect -extravagant wages--having a family of my own, I must be more occumenical -than ever. No more at present, but rests - -Your loving friend, TAB. LISMAHAGO NOV. 20. - - - - -To Mrs MARY JONES, at Brambleton-hall. - -MRS JONES, - -Providinch hath bin pleased to make great halteration in the pasture -of our affairs.--We were yesterday three kiple chined, by the grease of -God, in the holy bands of mattermoney, and I now subscrive myself Loyd -at your sarvice.--All the parish allowed that young 'squire Dallison and -his bride was a comely pear for to see.--As for madam Lashtniheygo, you -nose her picklearities--her head, to be sure, was fintastical; and her -spouse had rapt her with a long marokin furze cloak from the land of the -selvidges, thof they say it is of immense bally.--The captain himself -had a huge hassock of air, with three tails, and a tum-tawdry coat, -boddered with sulfur.--Wan said he was a monkey-bank; and the ould -bottler swore he was the born imich of Titidall.--For my part, I says -nothing, being as how the captain has done the handsome thing by me.--Mr -Loyd was dressed in a lite frog, and checket with gould binding; and -thof he don't enter in caparison with great folks of quality, yet he has -got as good blood in his veins as arrow privat 'squire in the county; -and then his pursing is far from contentible.--Your humble sarvant had -on a plain pea-green tabby sack, with my Runnela cap, ruff toupee, and -side curls.--They said, I was the very moral of lady Rickmanstone, but -not so pale--that may well be, for her ladyship is my elder by seven -good years and more.--Now, Mrs Mary, our satiety is to suppurate--Mr -Millfart goes to Bath along with the Dallisons, and the rest of us -push home to Wales, to pass our Chrishmarsh at Brampleton-hall--As our -apartments is to be the yallow pepper, in the thurd story, pray carry my -things thither.--Present my cumpliments to Mrs Gwyllim, and I hope -she and I will live upon dissent terms of civility.--Being, by God's -blessing, removed to a higher spear, you'll excuse my being familiar -with the lower sarvants of the family; but, as I trust you'll behave -respectful, and keep a proper distance, you may always depend upon the -good will and purtection of - -Yours, W. LOYD Nov. 20. - -FINIS. - - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Expedition of Humphry Clinker, by -Tobias Smollett - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE EXPEDITION OF HUMPHRY CLINKER *** - -***** This file should be named 2160.txt or 2160.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/2/1/6/2160/ - -Produced by Martin Adamson and Andreas Philipp - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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