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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Martian V.F.W., by G.L. Vandenburg
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Martian V.F.W.
+
+Author: G.L. Vandenburg
+
+Release Date: July 20, 2007 [EBook #22110]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARTIAN V.F.W. ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+MARTIAN V. F. W.
+
+By G. L. VANDENBURG
+
+
+
+
+              _There's nothing like a parade, I always
+                  say. Of course, I'm a Martian._
+
+
+Mr. Cruthers was a busy man. Coordinating the biggest parade in New
+York's history is not easy. He was maneuvering his two hundred pounds
+around Washington Square with the agility of a quarterback. He had his
+hands full organizing marchers, locating floats, placing the many brass
+bands in their proper order and barking commands to assistants. But Mr.
+Cruthers approached the job with all the zeal of an evangelist at a
+revival meeting.
+
+As he approached the south-west corner of the square he saw something
+that jarred his already frayed nerves. He stopped abruptly. The mass of
+clipboards and papers he was carrying fell to the street. There before
+him were one hundred and fifty ants, each of them at least six feet
+tall. His first impulse was to turn and run for the nearest doctor. He
+was certain that the strain of his job was proving too much for him. But
+one of the ants approached him. It seemed friendly enough, so Mr.
+Cruthers stood his ground.
+
+"My group is waiting for their assignment." The ant's voice seemed to be
+coming from the very core of its thorax which was a violent red.
+
+"Good Lord!" Mr. Cruthers' mouth opened up as wide as an oven door.
+
+"Mr. Cruthers, I believe the parade is about to start and my group--"
+
+Mr. Cruthers managed to blurt out. "What the devil _are_ you anyway!"
+
+"This _is_ the parade marking the International Geophysical Year, is it
+not?" The ant had a pleasant, friendly voice.
+
+"Well, yes, but--"
+
+"And you are Mr. Cruthers, the manager of the parade, is that not
+correct?"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Mr. Cruthers rubbed his eyes and took another look at the strange
+creature. Its head was a brilliant yellow. It had two large goggle eyes
+which rolled like itinerant marbles when it spoke. The low slung abdomen
+was a burnt brown. It was bad enough, Cruthers thought, that these ants
+were six feet tall, but it was nightmarish to see them in three colors.
+
+"Mr. Cruthers," the ant continued, "haven't you been instructed by the
+National Academy of Sciences that the Martian V.F.W. is to participate
+in this parade?"
+
+"The Martian--!!" Mr. Cruthers' mouth was open again. Then he realized
+that when the ant spoke its mouth didn't move. He picked up his
+clipboard and papers from the street. His voice was hostile now. "What
+the hell is this, some kind of a gag! What are you trying to do, scare a
+man half to death!"
+
+"Oh, we're not joking, Mr. Cruthers. The National Academy--"
+
+"They didn't say anything to me about a bunch of clowns dressed up like
+ants!" Mr. Cruthers' indignation became intensified. He was loathe to
+admit that he'd been taken in by such obviously animated costumes. "Now
+look here, I'm a very busy man."
+
+"The arrangements _have_ been made, Mr. Cruthers. If my group is refused
+a place in this parade we shall file suit immediately. As manager you'll
+be named co-defendant." The ant was gentle but firm.
+
+The thought of being sued softened Mr. Cruthers' attitude. "Well, I'm
+very sorry, pal, but every contingent in this parade is listed on my
+clipboard and you're not. I know this list by heart. What did you say
+the name of your group was?"
+
+"The Martian V.F.W."
+
+Mr. Cruthers was amused. "Those sure are the craziest outfits I've ever
+seen," he chuckled. "Where'd you get them? Walt Disney make them for
+you?" He followed his own little joke with a long throaty laugh.
+
+The ant was impatient. "About the parade, Mr. Cruthers, there isn't much
+time."
+
+"Oh, yes, the parade. Well, let me see," he thumbed through the
+clipboard, "I guess there's always room for a few laughs. How many in
+your group?"
+
+"One hundred and fifty. And we also have a float with us. Not a very
+large one. It measures twenty by twenty."
+
+"Tell you what. You move your group to the corner of Thompson Street and
+Third Street. Get behind the Tiffany float and follow them, okay?"
+
+The ant paused a moment to record the instructions in his mind. Then he
+turned to leave.
+
+"Oh, wait a minute," Mr. Cruthers cried before the ant could rejoin his
+group. "Just who did you speak to at the National Academy of Sciences?"
+
+"I believe it was a Mr. Canfield."
+
+Mr. Cruthers' face lit up. "Well, why didn't you say so in the first
+place! I'd have placed you right away."
+
+"That's perfectly all right, Mr. Cruthers."
+
+"Listen, I don't know what you guys do but those costumes should
+certainly bring the house down. There's going to be four million people
+watching this parade. I bet that's the biggest audience you've ever
+seen."
+
+"It certainly is." With that the ant strode away.
+
+"Good luck!" Mr. Cruthers shouted after him.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Daddy! Daddy, look! Look at the big rocket!" The little boy jumped up
+and down gleefully. "It must be a whole mile long, Daddy! What kind is
+it?"
+
+"That's the Vanguard, son."
+
+An autumn breeze from the East River chilled their vantage point at
+Sixty-First Street and Fifth Avenue.
+
+"The Vanguard?" The name meant nothing to the boy. "Gee, I'll bet it can
+fly all the way to the stars!"
+
+"It's the rocket that carried the first artificial satellite into
+space."
+
+The parade, now three hours old, continued past the reviewing stand.
+
+"I wanna get a better look at the Vanguard!" the boy shouted.
+
+The father lifted the boy onto his shoulders. The little fellow laughed
+and whooped it up, firing several shots from his Captain Video Ray gun
+at the passing missile.
+
+The rocket moved on and the noise of the crowd diminished slightly.
+
+A one-hundred piece brass band was passing in front of them. They were
+playing "The Stars and Stripes Forever." They were followed by the Sak's
+Fifth Avenue display; nine small floats, each depicting life on another
+planet. The National Academy of Sciences had a success on its hands.
+
+"Wow! Daddy, I wanna ride on it! I wanna ride on that float and visit
+all those planets! Can I, Daddy!" The boy became all limbs trying to
+squirm down from his father's shoulders.
+
+"You stay right where you are, young man," the father struggled to hold
+his balance.
+
+"But I wanna go to the stars. I can watch the rest of the parade from
+Venus or Mercury! Please, Daddy!"
+
+The father grinned. "Not just yet, son, but it won't be long before man
+will go to the stars."
+
+"Who lives up there, Daddy?"
+
+"Oh, there isn't any life up there yet."
+
+"If no one's living up there why does anyone want to go there?"
+
+"Well, maybe there'll be too many people on earth someday and then we'll
+have to find other planets with more room."
+
+Another monstrous brass band was going by. The boy became restless. He
+began to toy with his ray gun, half interested in seeing if there were
+any sparks left in it. "Why can't there be something besides so many
+bands in a parade? I wanna see another float."
+
+The father tried to interest the boy by pointing out all the famous
+people who were also there: a variety of statesmen the world's leading
+scientists and religious and cultural leaders, the president of the
+United States.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The boy was interested but not in what his elder was saying to him. He
+was looking downtown, his eyes squinting, trying to make out figures as
+far away as Fifty-sixth Street. Then his mouth opened, not uttering a
+sound yet, just waiting to burst with joy at what was coming toward
+them.
+
+His father looked up at him. "I wish you'd tell me what you are looking
+at. I'm all the way down here on street level, remember?"
+
+"Daddy, they look like ants!"
+
+"What?"
+
+"Ants, Daddy, ants! A whole army of them. Ain't it exciting?"
+
+"What on earth are you talking about?"
+
+"They're doing somersaults and back flips and everything! They're coming
+right this way! Gee, there's hundreds of them. And they got a float
+behind them, Daddy! A great big float with something burning on it."
+
+The child sitting on his shoulders made mobility impossible for the
+father. And he couldn't see around the spectators. He resigned himself
+to stand and wait for this new spectacle to overtake them. The reaction
+to this new sight had already begun to work its way uptown. In the
+distance, but getting closer every second, he could hear unrestrained
+laughter and rejoicing.
+
+"Hey, take it easy!" The boy was beginning to ride the shoulders like a
+bronco buster. "By the time they get here I won't have any shoulders
+left. Where are they now?"
+
+"They're almost here, Daddy! And they aren't ants at all. They're just a
+bunch of clowns dressed up like it." He began to giggle hysterically.
+"Golly, they're funny. Can you see them yet, Daddy?"
+
+Before the father could produce an answer the ants were in view. They
+were a sight that couldn't fail to stimulate the funny bone. By
+comparison with real ants everything about them had been grossly
+exaggerated to achieve the proper effect. They walked on their two back
+legs but the four front apertures were far from idle. Some of them
+turned somersaults, others did complicated flips consisting of two or
+three spins in mid-air. Still others, doing a kind of animated cakewalk,
+carried toy ray guns which they fired at random into the crowd. The
+guns were something like the little boy's Captain Video ray gun, only
+larger. They emitted little streaks of blue sparks which shone brightly
+but disappeared when contact was made with air.
+
+They were easily the hit of the parade, a three ring circus all by
+themselves, as they pranced and clowned their way up Fifth Avenue giving
+the spectators a whale of a show that was completely new.
+
+The guests on the reviewing stand refrained from any hilarity until they
+saw the float that four of the ants were pulling behind them. It was in
+keeping with the rest of the nonsense they were perpetrating. The float
+boasted eight larger ray guns, three on either side and two in the rear,
+that fired the same fascinating blue sparks. Behind each gun an ant
+stood on its head, wildly waving six legs in the breeze, begging to be
+noticed and laughed at. Above the guns, emblazoned in fiery orange
+letters, were the words: "MARTIAN V.F.W." This was interpreted by one
+and all as a punch line and was treated accordingly.
+
+It was heartwarming to be able to see the president and so many other
+dignitaries abandon composure in favor of a good old fashioned belly
+laugh.
+
+"Daddy, I can't laugh any more," the boy had to pause between every
+other word. "My stomach hurts. Aren't they the funniest things you ever
+saw?"
+
+The father was too convulsed to be able to answer him.
+
+"Daddy, one of them is coming this way! He's firing his Captain Video
+ray gun at us!" They boy squeezed his father and held on tight.
+
+The father took a deep breath in order to be able to speak. "Take your
+gun and fire back at him, son. Fire away! Go on, he's just being
+playful!" He broke forth with another gust of laughter. "I won't see
+anything as funny as this again if I live to be a hundred!"
+
+The ant pranced over to where they were standing, firing its gun in
+every direction. The boy fired back. The ant took one look at the lad's
+gun and let out a long cackling sound which built to a crescendo and
+then stopped as though it had been turned off. The ant rejoined the
+group and they continued on their merry way.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The boy fired several shots into the float as it passed. He wanted to
+see if he could knock out those blazing orange letters: MARTIAN V.F.W.
+The letters continued to burn, but in the boy's mind he was certain he
+had made several direct hits.
+
+The boy and his father watched the float until it was out of sight. They
+knew there wouldn't be another attraction like those ants. They must
+have been real professionals, the father thought. Such teamwork! Such
+precision! Each one of them having a specific job to do and each doing
+it to perfection. After them everything was bound to be anticlimactic.
+
+More marchers, more bands, a few more floats. The boy was beginning to
+tire. It had been a long day. Now everything was dull. "Daddy, I don't
+want to see any more. Let's go home."
+
+"We'll stay another five minutes."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The parade somehow seemed to be slowing down. The father yawned and let
+his son down from his shoulders. He looked across the street at the
+president and the other dignitaries on the reviewing stand. All were
+slowly raising their hands in salute as another color guard drowsily
+made its way by.
+
+Soon the last group in the parade was passing the reviewing stand.
+Another brass band. They were moving with the speed of a glacier. A full
+five seconds elapsed between each note of music. Everything was
+happening in slow motion. On the reviewing stand the dignified hands
+went up, agonizingly slow, to a final salute and they stayed there. The
+greatest minds in the world stood motionless, unalterably still. Just as
+each wave of pandemonium had unfurled itself up Fifth Avenue during the
+parade, so now did silence take command.
+
+The little boy tugged at his father's coat. "Daddy! Daddy," he
+pleaded, "why has the parade stopped? I wan-na-go-home--" His
+words came more slowly with each passing second, like a high
+speed phonograph playing at thirty-three and a third r.p.m.
+"Dad-dy--why--don't--you--an--swer--me--Da--ddy--why--don't--" His
+father never heard him.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Fifty miles above the Atlantic the fleet of spaceships hung suspended
+like lanterns. In the lead ship the ant in charge of communications
+reported to the commander.
+
+"We've just received the first communique from the advance guard, sir."
+
+"Read it to me."
+
+The communications chief read from a large perforated paper.
+"Time--0600--mission accomplished. Manhattan island cut down the
+middle--immediate result of super-isonic rays; four million dead--rays
+spreading east and west--estimated time of rays' full effect;
+0800--island will then be neutralized--awaiting further orders." The ant
+folded the paper and looked up at the commander. "Shall I relay further
+orders, sir?"
+
+"No." The commander of the ants paused and stroked his chin. "We're
+moving in."
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note:
+
+This etext was produced from _Amazing Science Fiction Stories_ May 1959.
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright
+on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and typographical errors
+have been corrected without note.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Martian V.F.W., by G.L. Vandenburg
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