diff options
Diffstat (limited to '22519.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | 22519.txt | 2541 |
1 files changed, 2541 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/22519.txt b/22519.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d092a94 --- /dev/null +++ b/22519.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2541 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Christmas Every Day and Other Stories, by W. D. Howells + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Christmas Every Day and Other Stories + +Author: W. D. Howells + +Release Date: September 5, 2007 [EBook #22519] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY *** + + + + +Produced by Susan Skinner, David Edwards and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from scans of public domain material +produced by Microsoft for their Live Search Books site.) + + + + + + + + +CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY AND OTHER STORIES + +BY W. D. HOWELLS + + +[Illustration: "HAVING BONFIRES IN THE BACK YARD OF THE PALACE." + [Page 130.] + + +CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY +AND OTHER STORIES +TOLD FOR CHILDREN + +BY W. D. HOWELLS + +[Illustration] + +NEW YORK AND LONDON +HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS + +Copyright, 1892, by W. D. HOWELLS. + +_All rights reserved._ + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY 3 + +TURKEYS TURNING THE TABLES 25 + +THE PONY ENGINE AND THE PACIFIC EXPRESS 51 + +THE PUMPKIN-GLORY 71 + +BUTTERFLYFLUTTERBY AND FLUTTERBYBUTTERFLY 111 + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + + PAGE + +_"Having Bonfires in the Back Yard of the Palace"_ Frontispiece + +_"The Old Gobbler 'First Premium' said They were Going to +Turn the Tables Now"_ 35 + +_Two Little Pumpkin Seeds_ 75 + +_Took the First Premium at the County Fair_ 83 + +_"'Here's that little fool pumpkin,' said the farmer"_ 85 + +_"Caught His Trousers on a Shingle-nail, and Stuck"_ 93 + +_"'My sakes! it's comin' to life!'"_ 103 + +_Tail-piece_ 107 + +_"'Fix dusters! Make ready! Aim! Dust!'"_ 121 + +_"The General-in-Chief used to go behind the Church and +Cry"_ 125 + +_"The Young Khan and Khant entered the Kingdom with a +Magnificent Retinue"_ 131 + +_"She was Going to Take the Case into Her own Hands"_ 135 + +_"The Imam put His Head to the Floor"_ 139 + +_"They began to scream, 'Oh, the cow! the cow!'"_ 143 + + + + +CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY. + + +The little girl came into her papa's study, as she always did Saturday +morning before breakfast, and asked for a story. He tried to beg off +that morning, for he was very busy, but she would not let him. So he +began: + +"Well, once there was a little pig--" + +She put her hand over his mouth and stopped him at the word. She said +she had heard little pig-stories till she was perfectly sick of them. + +"Well, what kind of story _shall_ I tell, then?" + +"About Christmas. It's getting to be the season. It's past Thanksgiving +already." + +"It seems to me," her papa argued, "that I've told as often about +Christmas as I have about little pigs." + +"No difference! Christmas is more interesting." + +"Well!" Her papa roused himself from his writing by a great effort. +"Well, then, I'll tell you about the little girl that wanted it +Christmas every day in the year. How would you like that?" + +"First-rate!" said the little girl; and she nestled into comfortable +shape in his lap, ready for listening. + +"Very well, then, this little pig--Oh, what are you pounding me for?" + +"Because you said little pig instead of little girl." + +"I should like to know what's the difference between a little pig and a +little girl that wanted it Christmas every day!" + +"Papa," said the little girl, warningly, "if you don't go on, I'll +_give_ it to you!" And at this her papa darted off like lightning, and +began to tell the story as fast as he could. + + Well, once there was a little girl who liked Christmas so much that + she wanted it to be Christmas every day in the year; and as soon as + Thanksgiving was over she began to send postal-cards to the old + Christmas Fairy to ask if she mightn't have it. But the old fairy + never answered any of the postals; and after a while the little girl + found out that the Fairy was pretty particular, and wouldn't notice + anything but letters--not even correspondence cards in envelopes; but + real letters on sheets of paper, and sealed outside with a + monogram--or your initial, anyway. So, then, she began to send her + letters; and in about three weeks--or just the day before Christmas, + it was--she got a letter from the Fairy, saying she might have it + Christmas every day for a year, and then they would see about having + it longer. + + The little girl was a good deal excited already, preparing for the + old-fashioned, once-a-year Christmas that was coming the next day, and + perhaps the Fairy's promise didn't make such an impression on her as + it would have made at some other time. She just resolved to keep it to + herself, and surprise everybody with it as it kept coming true; and + then it slipped out of her mind altogether. + + She had a splendid Christmas. She went to bed early, so as to let + Santa Claus have a chance at the stockings, and in the morning she was + up the first of anybody and went and felt them, and found hers all + lumpy with packages of candy, and oranges and grapes, and pocket-books + and rubber balls, and all kinds of small presents, and her big + brother's with nothing but the tongs in them, and her young lady + sister's with a new silk umbrella, and her papa's and mamma's with + potatoes and pieces of coal wrapped up in tissue-paper, just as they + always had every Christmas. Then she waited around till the rest of + the family were up, and she was the first to burst into the library, + when the doors were opened, and look at the large presents laid out on + the library-table--books, and portfolios, and boxes of stationery, and + breastpins, and dolls, and little stoves, and dozens of handkerchiefs, + and ink-stands, and skates, and snow-shovels, and photograph-frames, + and little easels, and boxes of water-colors, and Turkish paste, and + nougat, and candied cherries, and dolls' houses, and waterproofs--and + the big Christmas-tree, lighted and standing in a waste-basket in the + middle. + + She had a splendid Christmas all day. She ate so much candy that she + did not want any breakfast; and the whole forenoon the presents kept + pouring in that the expressman had not had time to deliver the night + before; and she went round giving the presents she had got for other + people, and came home and ate turkey and cranberry for dinner, and + plum-pudding and nuts and raisins and oranges and more candy, and then + went out and coasted, and came in with a stomach-ache, crying; and her + papa said he would see if his house was turned into that sort of + fool's paradise another year; and they had a light supper, and pretty + early everybody went to bed cross. + +Here the little girl pounded her papa in the back, again. + +"Well, what now? Did I say pigs?" + +"You made them _act_ like pigs." + +"Well, didn't they?" + +"No matter; you oughtn't to put it into a story." + +"Very well, then, I'll take it all out." + +Her father went on: + + The little girl slept very heavily, and she slept very late, but she + was wakened at last by the other children dancing round her bed with + their stockings full of presents in their hands. + + "What is it?" said the little girl, and she rubbed her eyes and tried + to rise up in bed. + + "Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!" they all shouted, and waved their + stockings. + + "Nonsense! It was Christmas yesterday." + + Her brothers and sisters just laughed. "We don't know about that. It's + Christmas to-day, anyway. You come into the library and see." + + Then all at once it flashed on the little girl that the Fairy was + keeping her promise, and her year of Christmases was beginning. She + was dreadfully sleepy, but she sprang up like a lark--a lark that had + overeaten itself and gone to bed cross--and darted into the library. + There it was again! Books, and portfolios, and boxes of stationery, + and breastpins-- + +"You needn't go over it all, papa; I guess I can remember just what was +there," said the little girl. + + Well, and there was the Christmas-tree blazing away, and the family + picking out their presents, but looking pretty sleepy, and her father + perfectly puzzled, and her mother ready to cry. "I'm sure I don't see + how I'm to dispose of all these things," said her mother, and her + father said it seemed to him they had had something just like it the + day before, but he supposed he must have dreamed it. This struck the + little girl as the best kind of a joke; and so she ate so much candy + she didn't want any breakfast, and went round carrying presents, and + had turkey and cranberry for dinner, and then went out and coasted, + and came in with a-- + +"Papa!" + +"Well, what now?" + +"What did you promise, you forgetful thing?" + +"Oh! oh yes!" + + Well, the next day, it was just the same thing over again, but + everybody getting crosser; and at the end of a week's time so many + people had lost their tempers that you could pick up lost tempers + anywhere; they perfectly strewed the ground. Even when people tried to + recover their tempers they usually got somebody else's, and it made + the most dreadful mix. + + The little girl began to get frightened, keeping the secret all to + herself; she wanted to tell her mother, but she didn't dare to; and + she was ashamed to ask the Fairy to take back her gift, it seemed + ungrateful and ill-bred, and she thought she would try to stand it, + but she hardly knew how she could, for a whole year. So it went on and + on, and it was Christmas on St. Valentine's Day and Washington's + Birthday, just the same as any day, and it didn't skip even the First + of April, though everything was counterfeit that day, and that was + some _little_ relief. + + After a while coal and potatoes began to be awfully scarce, so many + had been wrapped up in tissue-paper to fool papas and mammas with. + Turkeys got to be about a thousand dollars apiece-- + +"Papa!" + +"Well, what?" + +"You're beginning to fib." + +"Well, _two_ thousand, then." + + And they got to passing off almost anything for turkeys--half-grown + humming-birds, and even rocs out of the _Arabian Nights_--the real + turkeys were so scarce. And cranberries--well, they asked a diamond + apiece for cranberries. All the woods and orchards were cut down for + Christmas-trees, and where the woods and orchards used to be it + looked just like a stubble-field, with the stumps. After a while they + had to make Christmas-trees out of rags, and stuff them with bran, + like old-fashioned dolls; but there were plenty of rags, because + people got so poor, buying presents for one another, that they + couldn't get any new clothes, and they just wore their old ones to + tatters. They got so poor that everybody had to go to the poor-house, + except the confectioners, and the fancy-store keepers, and the + picture-book sellers, and the expressmen; and _they_ all got so rich + and proud that they would hardly wait upon a person when he came to + buy. It was perfectly shameful! + + Well, after it had gone on about three or four months, the little + girl, whenever she came into the room in the morning and saw those + great ugly, lumpy stockings dangling at the fire-place, and the + disgusting presents around everywhere, used to just sit down and + burst out crying. In six months she was perfectly exhausted; she + couldn't even cry any more; she just lay on the lounge and rolled her + eyes and panted. About the beginning of October she took to sitting + down on dolls wherever she found them--French dolls, or any kind--she + hated the sight of them so; and by Thanksgiving she was crazy, and + just slammed her presents across the room. + + By that time people didn't carry presents around nicely any more. They + flung them over the fence, or through the window, or anything; and, + instead of running their tongues out and taking great pains to write + "For dear Papa," or "Mamma," or "Brother," or "Sister," or "Susie," or + "Sammie," or "Billie," or "Bobbie," or "Jimmie," or "Jennie," or + whoever it was, and troubling to get the spelling right, and then + signing their names, and "Xmas, 18--," they used to write in the + gift-books, "Take it, you horrid old thing!" and then go and bang it + against the front door. Nearly everybody had built barns to hold their + presents, but pretty soon the barns overflowed, and then they used to + let them lie out in the rain, or anywhere. Sometimes the police used + to come and tell them to shovel their presents off the sidewalk, or + they would arrest them. + +"I thought you said everybody had gone to the poor-house," interrupted +the little girl. + +"They did go, at first," said her papa; "but after a while the +poor-houses got so full that they had to send the people back to their +own houses. They tried to cry, when they got back, but they couldn't +make the least sound." + +"Why couldn't they?" + +"Because they had lost their voices, saying 'Merry Christmas' so much. +Did I tell you how it was on the Fourth of July?" + +"No; how was it?" And the little girl nestled closer, in expectation of +something uncommon. + + Well, the night before, the boys stayed up to celebrate, as they + always do, and fell asleep before twelve o'clock, as usual, expecting + to be wakened by the bells and cannon. But it was nearly eight o'clock + before the first boy in the United States woke up, and then he found + out what the trouble was. As soon as he could get his clothes on he + ran out of the house and smashed a big cannon-torpedo down on the + pavement; but it didn't make any more noise than a damp wad of paper; + and after he tried about twenty or thirty more, he began to pick them + up and look at them. Every single torpedo was a big raisin! Then he + just streaked it up-stairs, and examined his fire-crackers and + toy-pistol and two-dollar collection of fireworks, and found that they + were nothing but sugar and candy painted up to look like fireworks! + Before ten o'clock every boy in the United States found out that his + Fourth of July things had turned into Christmas things; and then they + just sat down and cried--they were so mad. There are about twenty + million boys in the United States, and so you can imagine what a noise + they made. Some men got together before night, with a little powder + that hadn't turned into purple sugar yet, and they said they would + fire off _one_ cannon, anyway. But the cannon burst into a thousand + pieces, for it was nothing but rock-candy, and some of the men nearly + got killed. The Fourth of July orations all turned into Christmas + carols, and when anybody tried to read the Declaration, instead of + saying, "When in the course of human events it becomes necessary," he + was sure to sing, "God rest you, merry gentlemen." It was perfectly + awful. + +The little girl drew a deep sigh of satisfaction. + +"And how was it at Thanksgiving?" + +Her papa hesitated. "Well, I'm almost afraid to tell you. I'm afraid +you'll think it's wicked." + +"Well, tell, anyway," said the little girl. + + Well, before it came Thanksgiving it had leaked out who had caused all + these Christmases. The little girl had suffered so much that she had + talked about it in her sleep; and after that hardly anybody would play + with her. People just perfectly despised her, because if it had not + been for her greediness it wouldn't have happened; and now, when it + came Thanksgiving, and she wanted them to go to church, and have + squash-pie and turkey, and show their gratitude, they said that all + the turkeys had been eaten up for her old Christmas dinners, and if + she would stop the Christmases, they would see about the gratitude. + Wasn't it dreadful? And the very next day the little girl began to + send letters to the Christmas Fairy, and then telegrams, to stop it. + But it didn't do any good; and then she got to calling at the Fairy's + house, but the girl that came to the door always said, "Not at home," + or "Engaged," or "At dinner," or something like that; and so it went + on till it came to the old once-a-year Christmas Eve. The little girl + fell asleep, and when she woke up in the morning-- + +"She found it was all nothing but a dream," suggested the little girl. + +"No, indeed!" said her papa. "It was all every bit true!" + +"Well, what _did_ she find out, then?" + +"Why, that it wasn't Christmas at last, and wasn't ever going to be, any +more. Now it's time for breakfast." + +The little girl held her papa fast around the neck. + +"You sha'n't go if you're going to leave it _so_!" + +"How do you want it left?" + +"Christmas once a year." + +"All right," said her papa; and he went on again. + + Well, there was the greatest rejoicing all over the country, and it + extended clear up into Canada. The people met together everywhere, and + kissed and cried for joy. The city carts went around and gathered up + all the candy and raisins and nuts, and dumped them into the river; + and it made the fish perfectly sick; and the whole United States, as + far out as Alaska, was one blaze of bonfires, where the children were + burning up their gift-books and presents of all kinds. They had the + greatest _time_! + + The little girl went to thank the old Fairy because she had stopped + its being Christmas, and she said she hoped she would keep her promise + and see that Christmas never, never came again. Then the Fairy + frowned, and asked her if she was sure she knew what she meant; and + the little girl asked her, Why not? and the old Fairy said that now + she was behaving just as greedily as ever, and she'd better look out. + This made the little girl think it all over carefully again, and she + said she would be willing to have it Christmas about once in a + thousand years; and then she said a hundred, and then she said ten, + and at last she got down to one. Then the Fairy said that was the good + old way that had pleased people ever since Christmas began, and she + was agreed. Then the little girl said, "What're your shoes made of?" + And the Fairy said, "Leather." And the little girl said, "Bargain's + done forever," and skipped off, and hippity-hopped the whole way home, + she was so glad. + +"How will that do?" asked the papa. + +"First-rate!" said the little girl; but she hated to have the story +stop, and was rather sober. However, her mamma put her head in at the +door, and asked her papa: + +"Are you never coming to breakfast? What have you been telling that +child?" + +"Oh, just a moral tale." + +The little girl caught him around the neck again. + +"_We_ know! Don't you tell _what_, papa! Don't you tell _what_!" + + + + +TURKEYS TURNING THE TABLES. + + +"Well, you see," the papa began, on Christmas morning, when the little +girl had snuggled in his lap into just the right shape for listening, +"it was the night after Thanksgiving, and you know how everybody feels +the night after Thanksgiving." + +"Yes; but you needn't begin that way, papa," said the little girl; "I'm +not going to have any moral to it this time." + +"No, indeed! But it can be a true story, can't it?" + +"I don't know," said the little girl; "I like made-up ones." + +"Well, this is going to be a true one, anyway, and it's no use +talking." + + All the relations in the neighborhood had come to dinner, and then + gone back to their own houses, but some of the relations had come from + a distance, and these had to stay all night at the grandfather's. But + whether they went or whether they stayed, they all told the + grandmother that they did believe it was the best Thanksgiving dinner + they had ever eaten in their born days. They had had cranberry sauce, + and they'd had mashed potato, and they'd had mince-pie and pandowdy, + and they'd had celery, and they'd had Hubbard squash, and they'd had + tea and coffee both, and they'd had apple-dumpling with hard sauce, + and they'd had hot biscuit and sweet pickle, and mangoes, and frosted + cake, and nuts, and cauliflower-- + +"Don't mix them all up so!" pleaded the little girl. "It's perfectly +confusing. I can't hardly tell _what_ they had now." + +"Well, _they_ mixed them up just in the same way, and I suppose that's +one of the reasons why it happened." + + Whenever a child wanted to go back from dumpling and frosted cake to + mashed potato and Hubbard squash--they were old-fashioned kind of + people, and they had everything on the table at once, because the + grandmother and the aunties cooked it, and they couldn't keep jumping + up all the time to change the plates--and its mother said it + shouldn't, its grandmother said, Indeed it should, then, and helped it + herself; and the child's father would say, Well, he guessed _he_ would + go back, too, for a change; and the child's mother would say, She + should think he would be ashamed; and then they would get to going + back, till everything was perfectly higgledy-piggledy. + +"Oh, _shouldn't_ you like to have been there, papa?" sighed the little +girl. + +"You mustn't interrupt. Where was I?" + +"Higgledy-piggledy." + +"Oh yes!" + + Well, but the greatest thing of all was the turkey that they had. It + was a gobbler, I tell you, that was nearly as big as a giraffe. + +"Papa!" + + It took the premium at the county fair, and when it was dressed it + weighed fifteen pounds--well, maybe twenty--and it was so heavy that + the grandmothers and the aunties couldn't put it on the table, and + they had to get one of the papas to do it. You ought to have heard the + hurrahing when the children saw him coming in from the kitchen with + it. It seemed as if they couldn't hardly talk of anything but that + turkey the whole dinner-time. + + The grandfather hated to carve, and so one of the papas did it; and + whenever he gave anybody a piece, the grandfather would tell some new + story about the turkey, till pretty soon the aunties got to saying, + "Now, father, stop!" and one of them said it made it seem as if the + gobbler was walking about on the table, to hear so much about him, and + it took her appetite all away; and that made the papas begin to ask + the grandfather more and more about the turkey. + +"Yes," said the little girl, thoughtfully; "I know what _papas_ are." + +"Yes, they're pretty much all alike." + + And the mammas began to say they acted like a lot of silly boys; and + what would the children think? But nothing could stop it; and all + through the afternoon and evening, whenever the papas saw any of the + aunties or mammas round, they would begin to ask the grandfather more + particulars about the turkey. The grandfather was pretty forgetful, + and he told the same things right over. Well, and so it went on till + it came bedtime, and then the mammas and aunties began to laugh and + whisper together, and to say they did believe they should dream about + that turkey; and when the papas kissed the grandmother good-night, + they said, Well, they must have his mate for Christmas; and then they + put their arms round the mammas and went out haw-hawing. + +"I don't think they behaved very dignified," said the little girl. + +"Well, you see, they were just funning, and had got going, and it was +Thanksgiving, anyway." + + Well, in about half an hour everybody was fast asleep and dreaming-- + +"Is it going to be a dream?" asked the little girl, with some +reluctance. + +"Didn't I say it was going to be a _true_ story?" + +"Yes." + +"How can it be a dream, then?" + +"You said everybody was fast asleep and dreaming." + +"Well, but I hadn't got through. Everybody _except_ one little girl." + +"Now, papa!" + +"What?" + +"Don't you go and say her name was the same as mine, and her eyes the +same color." + +"What an idea!" + + _This_ was a very _good_ little girl, and very respectful to her papa, + and didn't suspect him of tricks, but just believed everything he + said. And she was a very pretty little girl, and had red eyes, and + blue cheeks, and straight hair, and a curly nose-- + +"Now, papa, if you get to cutting up--" + +"Well, I won't, then!" + + Well, she was rather a delicate little girl, and whenever she + over-ate, or anything, + +"Have bad dreams! Aha! I _told_ you it was going to be a dream." + +"You wait till I get through." + + She was apt to lie awake thinking, and some of her thinks were pretty + dismal. Well, that night, instead of thinking and tossing and turning, + and counting a thousand, it seemed to this other little girl that she + began to see things as soon as she had got warm in bed, and before, + even. And the first thing she saw was a large, bronze-colored-- + +"Turkey gobbler!" + +"No, ma'am. Turkey gobbler's _ghost_." + +"Foo!" said the little girl, rather uneasily; "whoever heard of a +turkey's ghost, I should like to know?" + +"Never mind, that," said the papa. "If it hadn't been a ghost, could the +moonlight have shone through it? No, indeed! The stuffing wouldn't have +let it. So you see it must have been a ghost." + + It had a red pasteboard placard round its neck, with FIRST PREMIUM + printed on it, and so she knew that it was the ghost of the very + turkey they had had for dinner. It was perfectly awful when it put up + its tail, and dropped its wings, and strutted just the way the + grandfather said it used to do. It seemed to be in a wide pasture, + like that back of the house, and the children had to cross it to get + home, and they were all afraid of the turkey that kept gobbling at + them and threatening them, because they had eaten him up. At last one + of the boys--it was the other little girl's brother--said he would + run across and get his papa to come out and help them, and the first + thing she knew the turkey was after him, gaining, gaining, gaining, + and all the grass was full of hen-turkeys and turkey chicks, running + after him, and gaining, gaining, gaining, and just as he was getting + to the wall he tripped and fell over a turkey-pen, and all at once she + was in one of the aunties' room, and the aunty was in bed, and the + turkeys were walking up and down over her, and stretching out their + wings, and blaming her. Two of them carried a platter of chicken pie, + and there was a large pumpkin jack-o'-lantern hanging to the bedpost + to light the room, and it looked just like the other little girl's + brother in the face, only perfectly ridiculous. + +[Illustration: "THE OLD GOBBLER 'FIRST PREMIUM' SAID THEY WERE GOING TO +TURN THE TABLES NOW."] + + Then the old gobbler, First Premium, clapped his wings, and said, + "Come on, chick-chickledren!" and then they all seemed to be in her + room, and she was standing in the middle of it in her night-gown, + and tied round and round with ribbons, so she couldn't move hand or + foot. The old gobbler, First Premium, said they were going to turn the + tables now, and she knew what he meant, for they had had that in the + reader at school just before vacation, and the teacher had explained + it. He made a long speech, with his hat on, and kept pointing at her + with one of his wings, while he told the other turkeys that it was her + grandfather who had done it, and now it was their turn. He said that + human beings had been eating turkeys ever since the discovery of + America, and it was time for the turkeys to begin paying them back, if + they were ever going to. He said she was pretty young, but she was as + big as he was, and he had no doubt they would enjoy her. + + The other little girl tried to tell him that she was not to blame, and + that she only took a very, very little piece. + + "But it was right off the breast," said the gobbler, and he shed + tears, so that the other little girl cried, too. She didn't have much + hopes, they all seemed so spiteful, especially the little turkey + chicks; but she told them that she was very tender-hearted, and never + hurt a single thing, and she tried to make them understand that there + was a great difference between eating people and just eating turkeys. + + "What difference, I should like to know?" says the old hen-turkey, + pretty snappishly. + + "People have got souls, and turkeys haven't," says the other little + girl. + + "I don't see how _that_ makes it any better," says the old hen-turkey. + "It don't make it any better for the _turkeys_. If we haven't got any + souls, we can't live after we've been eaten up, and you _can_." + + The other little girl was awfully frightened to have the hen-turkey + take that tack. + +"I should think she would 'a' been," said the little girl; and she +cuddled snugger into her papa's arms. "What _could_ she say? Ugh! Go +on." + + Well, she didn't know what to say, that's a fact. You see, she never + thought of it in that light before. All she could say was, "Well, + people have got reason, anyway, and turkeys have only got instinct; so + there!" + + "You'd better look out," says the old hen-turkey; and all the little + turkey chicks got so mad they just hopped, and the oldest little + he-turkey, that was just beginning to be a gobbler, he dropped his + wings and spread his tail just like his father, and walked round the + other little girl till it was perfectly frightful. + +"I should think they would 'a' been ashamed." + + Well, perhaps old First Premium _was_ a little; because he stopped + them. "My dear," he says to the old hen-turkey, and chick-chickledren, + "you forget yourselves; you should have a little consideration. + Perhaps you wouldn't behave much better yourselves if you were just + going to be eaten." + + And they all began to scream and to cry, "We've _been_ eaten, and + we're nothing but turkey ghosts." + +"_There_, now, papa," says the little girl, sitting up straight, so as +to argue better, "I _knew_ it wasn't true, all along. How could turkeys +have ghosts if they don't have souls, I should like to know?" + +"Oh, easily," said the papa. + +"Tell how," said the little girl. + +"Now look here," said the papa, "are you telling this story, or am I?" + +"You are," said the little girl, and she cuddled down again. "Go on." + +"Well, then, don't you interrupt. Where was I? Oh yes." + + Well, he couldn't do anything with them, old First Premium couldn't. + They acted perfectly ridiculous, and one little brat of a spiteful + little chick piped out, "I speak for a drumstick, ma!" and then they + all began: "I want a wing, ma!" and "I'm going to have the wish-bone!" + and "I shall have just as much stuffing as ever I please, shan't I, + ma?" till the other little girl was perfectly disgusted with them; she + thought they oughtn't to say it before her, anyway; but she had hardly + thought this before they all screamed out, "They used to say it before + _us_," and then she didn't know what to say, because she knew how + people talked before animals. + +"I don't believe I ever did," said the little girl. "Go on." + + Well, old First Premium tried to quiet them again, and when he + couldn't he apologized to the other little girl so nicely that she + began to like him. He said they didn't mean any harm by it; they were + just excited, and chickledren would be chickledren. + + "Yes," said the other little girl, "but I think you might take some + older person to begin with. It's a perfect shame to begin with a + little girl." + + "Begin!" says old First Premium. "Do you think we're just _beginning_? + Why, when do you think it is?" + + "The night after Thanksgiving." + + "What year?" + + "1886." + + They all gave a perfect screech. "Why, it's Christmas Eve, 1900, and + every one of your friends has been eaten up long ago," says old First + Premium, and he began to cry over her, and the old hen-turkey and the + little turkey chicks began to wipe their eyes on the backs of their + wings. + +"I don't think they were very neat," said the little girl. + +Well, they were kind-hearted, anyway, and they felt sorry for the other +little girl. And she began to think she had made some little impression +on them, when she noticed the old hen-turkey beginning to untie her +bonnet strings, and the turkey chicks began to spread round her in a +circle, with the points of their wings touching, so that she couldn't +get out, and they commenced dancing and singing, and after a while that +little he-turkey says, "Who's _it_?" and the other little girl, she +didn't know why, says, "_I'm_ it," and old First Premium says, "Do you +promise?" and the other little girl says, "Yes, I promise," and she knew +she was promising, if they would let her go, that people should never +eat turkeys any more. And the moon began to shine brighter and brighter +through the turkeys, and pretty soon it was the sun, and then it was not +the turkeys, but the window-curtains--it was one of those old +farm-houses where they don't have blinds--and the other little girl-- + +"Woke up!" shouted the little girl. "There now, papa, what did I tell +you? I _knew_ it was a dream all along." + +"No, she didn't," said the papa; "and it wasn't a dream." + +"What was it, then?" + +"It was a--trance." + +The little girl turned round, and knelt in her papa's lap, so as to take +him by the shoulders and give him a good shaking. That made him promise +to be good, pretty quick, and, "Very well, then," says the little girl; +"if it wasn't a dream, you've got to prove it." + +"But how can I prove it?" says the papa. + +"By going on with the story," says the little girl, and she cuddled down +again. + +"Oh, well, that's easy enough." + + As soon as it was light in the room, the other little girl could see + that the place was full of people, crammed and jammed, and they were + all awfully excited, and kept yelling, "Down with the traitress!" + "Away with the renegade!" "Shame on the little sneak!" till it was + worse than the turkeys, ten times. + + She knew that they meant her, and she tried to explain that she just + _had_ to promise, and that if they had been in her place they would + have promised too; and of course they could do as they pleased about + keeping her word, but she was going to keep it, anyway, and never, + never, never eat another piece of turkey either at Thanksgiving or at + Christmas. + + "Very well, then," says an old lady, who looked like her grandmother, + and then began to have a crown on, and to turn into Queen Victoria, + "what _can_ we have?" + + "Well," says the other little girl, "you can have oyster soup." + + "What else?" + + "And you can have cranberry sauce." + + "What else?" + + "You can have mashed potatoes, and Hubbard squash, and celery, and + turnip, and cauliflower." + + "What else?" + + "You can have mince-pie, and pandowdy, and plum-pudding." + + "And not a thing on the list," says the Queen, "that doesn't go with + turkey! Now you see." + +The papa stopped. + +"Go on," said the little girl. + +"There isn't any more." + +The little girl turned round, got up on her knees, took him by the +shoulders, and shook him fearfully. "Now, then," she said, while the +papa let his head wag, after the shaking, like a Chinese mandarin's, and +it was a good thing he did not let his tongue stick out. "Now, will you +go on? What _did_ the people eat in place of turkey?" + +"I don't know." + +"You don't know, you awful papa! Well, then, what did the little girl +eat?" + +"She?" The papa freed himself, and made his preparation to escape. "Why +she--oh, _she_ ate goose. Goose is tenderer than turkey, anyway, and +more digestible; and there isn't so much of it, and you can't overeat +yourself, and have bad--" + +"Dreams!" cried the little girl. + +"Trances," said the papa, and she began to chase him all round the +room. + + + + +THE PONY ENGINE AND THE PACIFIC EXPRESS. + + +Christmas Eve, after the children had hung up their stockings and got +all ready for St. Nic, they climbed up on the papa's lap to kiss him +good-night, and when they both got their arms round his neck, they said +they were not going to bed till he told them a Christmas story. Then he +saw that he would have to mind, for they were awfully severe with him, +and always made him do exactly what they told him; it was the way they +had brought him up. He tried his best to get out of it for a while; but +after they had shaken him first this side, and then that side, and +pulled him backward and forward till he did not know where he was, he +began to think perhaps he had better begin. The first thing he said, +after he opened his eyes, and made believe he had been asleep, or +something, was, "Well, what did I leave off at?" and that made them just +perfectly boiling, for they understood his tricks, and they knew he was +trying to pretend that he had told part of the story already; and they +said he had not left off anywhere because he had not commenced, and he +saw it was no use. So he commenced. + +"Once there was a little Pony Engine that used to play round the +Fitchburg Depot on the side tracks, and sleep in among the big +locomotives in the car-house--" + +The little girl lifted her head from the papa's shoulder, where she had +dropped it. "Is it a sad story, papa?" + +"How is it going to end?" asked the boy. + +"Well, it's got a moral," said the papa. + +"Oh, all right, if it's got a moral," said the children; they had a good +deal of fun with the morals the papa put to his stories. The boy added, +"Go on," and the little girl prompted, "Car-house." + +The papa said, "Now every time you stop me I shall have to begin all +over again." But he saw that this was not going to spite them any, so he +went on: "One of the locomotives was its mother, and she had got hurt +once in a big smash-up, so that she couldn't run long trips any more. +She was so weak in the chest you could hear her wheeze as far as you +could see her. But she could work round the depot, and pull empty cars +in and out, and shunt them off on the side tracks; and she was so +anxious to be useful that all the other engines respected her, and they +were very kind to the little Pony Engine on her account, though it was +always getting in the way, and under their wheels, and everything. They +all knew it was an orphan, for before its mother got hurt its father +went through a bridge one dark night into an arm of the sea, and was +never heard of again; he was supposed to have been drowned. The old +mother locomotive used to say that it would never have happened if she +had been there; but poor dear No. 236 was always so venturesome, and she +had warned him against that very bridge time and again. Then she would +whistle so dolefully, and sigh with her air-brakes enough to make +anybody cry. You see they used to be a very happy family when they were +all together, before the papa locomotive got drowned. He was very fond +of the little Pony Engine, and told it stories at night after they got +into the car-house, at the end of some of his long runs. It would get up +on his cow-catcher, and lean its chimney up against his, and listen till +it fell asleep. Then he would put it softly down, and be off again in +the morning before it was awake. I tell you, those were happy days for +poor No. 236. The little Pony Engine could just remember him; it was +awfully proud of its papa." + +The boy lifted his head and looked at the little girl, who suddenly hid +her face in the papa's other shoulder. "Well, I declare, papa, she was +putting up her lip." + +"I wasn't, any such thing!" said the little girl. "And I don't care! +So!" and then she sobbed. + +"Now, never you mind," said the papa to the boy. "You'll be putting up +_your_ lip before I'm through. Well, and then she used to caution the +little Pony Engine against getting in the way of the big locomotives, +and told it to keep close round after her, and try to do all it could to +learn about shifting empty cars. You see, she knew how ambitious the +little Pony Engine was, and how it wasn't contented a bit just to grow +up in the pony-engine business, and be tied down to the depot all its +days. Once she happened to tell it that if it was good and always did +what it was bid, perhaps a cow-catcher would grow on it some day, and +then it could be a passenger locomotive. Mammas have to promise all +sorts of things, and she was almost distracted when she said that." + +"I don't think she ought to have deceived it, papa," said the boy. "But +it ought to have known that if it was a Pony Engine to begin with, it +never could have a cow-catcher." + +"Couldn't it?" asked the little girl, gently. + +"No; they're kind of mooley." + +The little girl asked the papa, "What makes Pony Engines mooley?" for +she did not choose to be told by her brother; he was only two years +older than she was, anyway. + +"Well; it's pretty hard to say. You see, when a locomotive is first +hatched--" + +"Oh, are they hatched, papa?" asked the boy. + +"Well, we'll _call_ it hatched," said the papa; but they knew he was +just funning. "They're about the size of tea-kettles at first; and it's +a chance whether they will have cow-catchers or not. If they keep their +spouts, they will; and if their spouts drop off, they won't." + +"What makes the spout ever drop off?" + +"Oh, sometimes the pip, or the gapes--" + +The children both began to shake the papa, and he was glad enough to go +on sensibly. "Well, anyway, the mother locomotive certainly oughtn't to +have deceived it. Still she had to say _something_, and perhaps the +little Pony Engine was better employed watching its buffers with its +head-light, to see whether its cow-catcher had begun to grow, than it +would have been in listening to the stories of the old locomotives, and +sometimes their swearing." + +"Do they swear, papa?" asked the little girl, somewhat shocked, and yet +pleased. + +"Well, I never heard them, _near by_. But it sounds a good deal like +swearing when you hear them on the up-grade on our hill in the night. +Where was I?" + +"Swearing," said the boy. "And please don't go back, now, papa." + +"Well, I won't. It'll be as much as I can do to get through this story, +without going over any of it again. Well, the thing that the little Pony +Engine wanted to be, the most in this world, was the locomotive of the +Pacific Express, that starts out every afternoon at three, you know. It +intended to apply for the place as soon as its cow-catcher was grown, +and it was always trying to attract the locomotive's attention, backing +and filling on the track alongside of the train; and once it raced it a +little piece, and beat it, before the Express locomotive was under way, +and almost got in front of it on a switch. My, but its mother was +scared! She just yelled to it with her whistle; and that night she sent +it to sleep without a particle of coal or water in its tender. + +"But the little Pony Engine didn't care. It had beaten the Pacific +Express in a hundred yards, and what was to hinder it from beating it as +long as it chose? The little Pony Engine could not get it out of its +head. It was just like a boy who thinks he can whip a man." + +The boy lifted his head. "Well, a boy _can_, papa, if he goes to do it +the right way. Just stoop down before the man knows it, and catch him by +the legs and tip him right over." + +"Ho! I guess you see yourself!" said the little girl, scornfully. + +"Well, I _could_!" said the boy; "and some day I'll just show you." + +"Now, little cock-sparrow, now!" said the papa; and he laughed. "Well, +the little Pony Engine thought he could beat the Pacific Express, +anyway; and so one dark, snowy, blowy afternoon, when his mother was off +pushing some empty coal cars up past the Know-Nothing crossing beyond +Charlestown, he got on the track in front of the Express, and when he +heard the conductor say 'All aboard,' and the starting gong struck, and +the brakemen leaned out and waved to the engineer, he darted off like +lightning. He had his steam up, and he just scuttled. + +"Well, he was so excited for a while that he couldn't tell whether the +Express was gaining on him or not; but after twenty or thirty miles, he +thought he heard it pretty near. Of course the Express locomotive was +drawing a heavy train of cars, and it had to make a stop or two--at +Charlestown, and at Concord Junction, and at Ayer--so the Pony Engine +did really gain on it a little; and when it began to be scared it gained +a good deal. But the first place where it began to feel sorry, and to +want its mother, was in Hoosac Tunnel. It never was in a tunnel before, +and it seemed as if it would never get out. It kept thinking, What if +the Pacific Express was to run over it there in the dark, and its mother +off there at the Fitchburg Depot, in Boston, looking for it among the +side-tracks? It gave a perfect shriek; and just then it shot out of the +tunnel. There were a lot of locomotives loafing around there at North +Adams, and one of them shouted out to it as it flew by, 'What's your +hurry, little one?' and it just screamed back, 'Pacific Express!' and +never stopped to explain. They talked in locomotive language--" + +"Oh, what did it sound like?" the boy asked. + +"Well, pretty queer; I'll tell you some day. It knew it had no time to +fool away, and all through the long, dark night, whenever, a locomotive +hailed it, it just screamed, 'Pacific Express!' and kept on. And the +Express kept gaining on it. Some of the locomotives wanted to stop it, +but they decided they had better not get in its way, and so it whizzed +along across New York State and Ohio and Indiana, till it got to +Chicago. And the Express kept gaining on it. By that time it was so +hoarse it could hardly whisper, but it kept saying, 'Pacific Express! +Pacific Express!' and it kept right on till it reached the Mississippi +River. There it found a long train of freight cars before it on the +bridge. It couldn't wait, and so it slipped down from the track to the +edge of the river and jumped across, and then scrambled up the +embankment to the track again." + +"Papa!" said the little girl, warningly. + +"Truly it did," said the papa. + +"Ho! that's nothing," said the boy. "A whole train of cars did it in +that Jules Verne book." + +"Well," the papa went on, "after that it had a little rest, for the +Express had to wait for the freight train to get off the bridge, and the +Pony Engine stopped at the first station for a drink of water and a +mouthful of coal, and then it flew ahead. There was a kind old +locomotive at Omaha that tried to find out where it belonged, and what +its mother's name was, but the Pony Engine was so bewildered it couldn't +tell. And the Express kept gaining on it. On the plains it was chased by +a pack of prairie wolves, but it left them far behind; and the antelopes +were scared half to death. But the worst of it was when the nightmare +got after it." + +"The nightmare? Goodness!" said the boy. + +"I've had the nightmare," said the little girl. + +"Oh yes, a mere human nightmare," said the papa. "But a locomotive +nightmare is a very different thing." + +"Why, what's it like?" asked the boy. The little girl was almost afraid +to ask. + +"Well, it has only one leg, to begin with." + +"Pshaw!" + +"Wheel, I mean. And it has four cow-catchers, and four head-lights, and +two boilers, and eight whistles, and it just goes whirling and +screeching along. Of course it wobbles awfully; and as it's only got one +wheel, it has to keep skipping from one track to the other." + +"I should think it would run on the cross-ties," said the boy. + +"Oh, very well, then!" said the papa. "If you know so much more about it +than I do! Who's telling this story, anyway? Now I shall have to go back +to the beginning. Once there was a little Pony En--" + +They both put their hands over his mouth, and just fairly begged him to +go on, and at last he did. "Well, it got away from the nightmare about +morning, but not till the nightmare had bitten a large piece out of its +tender, and then it braced up for the home-stretch. It thought that if +it could once beat the Express to the Sierras, it could keep the start +the rest of the way, for it could get over the mountains quicker than +the Express could, and it might be in San Francisco before the Express +got to Sacramento. The Express kept gaining on it. But it just zipped +along the upper edge of Kansas and the lower edge of Nebraska, and on +through Colorado and Utah and Nevada, and when it got to the Sierras it +just stooped a little, and went over them like a goat; it did, truly; +just doubled up its fore wheels under it, and jumped. And the Express +kept gaining on it. By this time it couldn't say 'Pacific Express' any +more, and it didn't try. It just said 'Express! Express!' and then +''Press! 'Press!' and then ''Ess! 'Ess!' and pretty soon only ''Ss! +'Ss!' And the Express kept gaining on it. Before they reached San +Francisco, the Express locomotive's cow-catcher was almost touching the +Pony Engine's tender; it gave one howl of anguish as it felt the Express +locomotive's hot breath on the place where the nightmare had bitten the +piece out, and tore through the end of the San Francisco depot, and +plunged into the Pacific Ocean, and was never seen again. There, now," +said the papa, trying to make the children get down, "that's all. Go to +bed." The little girl was crying, and so he tried to comfort her by +keeping her in his lap. + +The boy cleared his throat. "What is the moral, papa?" he asked, +huskily. + +"Children, obey your parents," said the papa. + +"And what became of the mother locomotive?" pursued the boy. + +"She had a brain-fever, and never quite recovered the use of her mind +again." + +The boy thought awhile. "Well, I don't see what it had to do with +Christmas, anyway." + +"Why, it was Christmas Eve when the Pony Engine started from Boston, and +Christmas afternoon when it reached San Francisco." + +"Ho!" said the boy. "No locomotive could get across the continent in a +day and a night, let alone a little Pony Engine." + +"But this Pony Engine _had_ to. Did you never hear of the beaver that +clomb the tree?" + +"No! Tell--" + +"Yes, some other time." + +"But how _could_ it get across so quick? Just one day!" + +"Well, perhaps it was a year. Maybe it was the _next_ Christmas after +that when it got to San Francisco." + +The papa set the little girl down, and started to run out of the room, +and both of the children ran after him, to pound him. + +When they were in bed the boy called down-stairs to the papa, "Well, +anyway, I didn't put up my lip." + + + + +THE PUMPKIN-GLORY + +[Illustration] + + +The papa had told the story so often that the children knew just exactly +what to expect the moment he began. They all knew it as well as he knew +it himself, and they could keep him from making mistakes, or forgetting. +Sometimes he would go wrong on purpose, or would pretend to forget, and +then they had a perfect right to pound him till he quit it. He usually +quit pretty soon. + +The children liked it because it was very exciting, and at the same time +it had no moral, so that when it was all over, they could feel that they +had not been excited just for the moral. The first time the little girl +heard it she began to cry, when it came to the worst part; but the boy +had heard it so much by that time that he did not mind it in the least, +and just laughed. + +The story was in season any time between Thanksgiving and New Years; but +the papa usually began to tell it in the early part of October, when the +farmers were getting in their pumpkins, and the children were asking +when they were going to have any squash pies, and the boy had made his +first jack-o'-lantern. + +"Well," the papa said, "once there were two little pumpkin seeds, and +one was a good little pumpkin seed, and the other was bad--very proud, +and vain, and ambitious." + +The papa had told them what ambitious was, and so the children did not +stop him when he came to that word; but sometimes he would stop of his +own accord, and then if they could not tell what it meant, he would +pretend that he was not going on; but he always did go on. + +"Well, the farmer took both the seeds out to plant them in the +home-patch, because they were a very extra kind of seeds, and he was not +going to risk them in the cornfield, among the corn. So before he put +them in the ground, he asked each one of them what he wanted to be when +he came up, and the good little pumpkin seed said he wanted to come up a +pumpkin, and be made into a pie, and be eaten at Thanksgiving dinner; +and the bad little pumpkin seed said he wanted to come up a +morning-glory. + +"'Morning-glory!' says the farmer. 'I guess you'll come up a +pumpkin-glory, first thing _you_ know,' and then he haw-hawed, and told +his son, who was helping him to plant the garden, to keep watch of that +particular hill of pumpkins, and see whether that little seed came up a +morning-glory or not; and the boy stuck a stick into the hill so he +could tell it. But one night the cow got in, and the farmer was so mad, +having to get up about one o'clock in the morning to drive the cow out, +that he pulled up the stick, without noticing, to whack her over the +back with it, and so they lost the place. + +"But the two little pumpkin seeds, they knew where they were well +enough, and they lay low, and let the rain and the sun soak in and swell +them up; and then they both began to push, and by-and-by they got their +heads out of the ground, with their shells down over their eyes like +caps, and as soon as they could shake them off and look round, the bad +little pumpkin vine said to his brother: + +"'Well, what are you going to do now?' + +"The good little pumpkin vine said, 'Oh, I'm just going to stay here, +and grow and grow, and put out all the blossoms I can, and let them all +drop off but one, and then grow that into the biggest and fattest and +sweetest pumpkin that ever was for Thanksgiving pies.' + +[Illustration: TWO LITTLE PUMPKIN SEEDS.] + +"'Well, that's what I am going to do, too,' said the bad little pumpkin +vine, 'all but the pies; but I'm not going to stay here to do it. I'm +going to that fence over there, where the morning-glories were last +summer, and I'm going to show them what a pumpkin-glory is like. I'm +just going to cover myself with blossoms; and blossoms that won't shut +up, either, when the sun comes out, but 'll stay open, as if they hadn't +anything to be ashamed of, and that won't drop off the first day, +either. I noticed those morning-glories all last summer, when I was +nothing but one of the blossoms myself, and I just made up my mind that +as soon as ever I got to be a vine, I would show them a thing or two. +Maybe I _can't_ be a morning-glory, but I can be a pumpkin-glory, and I +guess that's glory enough.' + +"It made the cold chills run over the good little vine to hear its +brother talk like that, and it begged him not to do it; and it began to +cry-- + +"What's that?" The papa stopped short, and the boy stopped whispering in +his sister's ear, and she answered: + +"He said he bet it was a girl!" The tears stood in her eyes, and the boy +said: + +"Well, anyway, it was _like_ a girl." + +"Very well, sir!" said the papa. "And supposing it was? Which is better: +to stay quietly at home, and do your duty, and grow up, and be eaten in +a pie at Thanksgiving, or go gadding all over the garden, and climbing +fences, and everything? The good little pumpkin vine was perfectly +right, and the bad little pumpkin would have been saved a good deal if +it had minded its little sister. + +"The farmer was pretty busy that summer, and after the first two or +three hoeings he had to leave the two pumpkin vines to the boy that had +helped him to plant the seed, and the boy had to go fishing so much, and +then in swimming, that he perfectly neglected them, and let them run +wild, if they wanted to; and if the good little pumpkin vine had not +been the best little pumpkin vine that ever was, it _would_ have run +wild. But it just stayed where it was, and thickened up, and covered +itself with blossoms, till it was like one mass of gold. It was very +fond of all its blossoms, and it couldn't bear hardly to think of losing +any of them; but it knew they couldn't every one grow up to be a very +large pumpkin, and so it let them gradually drop off till it only had +one left, and then it just gave all its attention to that one, and did +everything it could to make it grow into the kind of pumpkin it said it +would. + +"All this time the bad little pumpkin vine was carrying out its plan of +being a pumpkin-glory. In the first place it found out that if it +expected to get through by fall it couldn't fool much putting out a lot +of blossoms and waiting for them to drop off, before it began to devote +itself to business. The fence was a good piece off, and it had to reach +the fence in the first place, for there wouldn't be any fun in being a +pumpkin-glory down where nobody could see you, or anything. So the bad +little pumpkin vine began to pull and stretch towards the fence, and +sometimes it thought it would surely snap in two, it pulled and +stretched so hard. But besides the pulling and stretching, it had to +hide, and go round, because if it had been seen it wouldn't have been +allowed to go to the fence. It was a good thing there were so many +weeds, that the boy was too lazy to pull up, and the bad little pumpkin +vine could hide among. But then they were a good deal of a hinderance, +too, because they were so thick it could hardly get through them. It had +to pass some rows of pease that were perfectly awful; they tied +themselves to it and tried to keep it back; and there was one hill of +cucumbers that acted ridiculously; they said it was a cucumber vine +running away from home, and they would have kept it from going any +farther, if it hadn't tugged with all its might and main, and got away +one night when the cucumbers were sleeping; it was pretty strong, +anyway. When it got to the fence at last, it thought it was going to +die. It was all pulled out so thin that it wasn't any thicker than a +piece of twine in some places, and its leaves just hung in tatters. It +hadn't had time to put out more than one blossom, and that was such a +poor little sickly thing that it could hardly hang on. The question was, +How can a pumpkin vine climb a fence, anyway? + +"Its knees and elbows were all worn to strings getting there, or that's +what the pumpkin thought, till it wound one of those tendrils round a +splinter of the fence, without thinking, and happened to pull, and then +it was perfectly surprised to find that it seemed to lift itself off the +ground a little. It said to itself, 'Let's try a few more,' and it +twisted some more of the tendrils round some more splinters, and this +time it fairly lifted itself off the ground. It said, 'Ah, I see!' as if +it had somehow expected to do something of the kind all along; but it +had to be pretty careful getting up the fence not to knock its blossom +off, for that would have been the end of it; and when it did get up +among the morning-glories it almost killed the poor thing, keeping it +open night and day, and showing it off in the hottest sun, and not +giving it a bit of shade, but just holding it out where it could be seen +the whole time. It wasn't very much of a blossom compared with the +blossoms on the good little pumpkin vine, but it was bigger than any of +the morning-glories, and that was some satisfaction, and the bad little +pumpkin vine was as proud as if it was the largest blossom in the world. + +"When the blossom's leaves dropped off, and a little pumpkin began to +grow on in its place, the vine did everything it could for it; just gave +itself up to it, and put all its strength into it. After all, it was a +pretty queer-looking pumpkin, though. It had to grow hanging down, and +not resting on anything, and after it started with a round head, like +other pumpkins, its neck began to pull out, and pull out, till it looked +like a gourd or a big pear. That's the way it looked in the fall, +hanging from the vine on the fence, when the first light frost came and +killed the vine. It was the day when the farmer was gathering his +pumpkins in the cornfield, and he just happened to remember the seeds he +had planted in the home-patch, and he got out of his wagon to see what +had become of them. He was perfectly astonished to see the size of the +good little pumpkin; you could hardly get it into a bushel basket, and +he gathered it, and sent it to the county fair, and took the first +premium with it." + +"How much was the premium?" asked the boy. He yawned; he had heard all +these facts so often before. + +[Illustration: TOOK THE FIRST PREMIUM AT THE COUNTY FAIR.] + +"It was fifty cents; but you see the farmer had to pay two dollars to +get a chance to try for the premium at the fair; and so it was _some_ +satisfaction. Anyway, he took the premium, and he tried to sell the +pumpkin, and when he couldn't, he brought it home and told his wife they +must have it for Thanksgiving. The boy had gathered the bad little +pumpkin, and kept it from being fed to the cow, it was so funny-looking; +and the day before Thanksgiving the farmer found it in the barn, and he +said, + +"'Hollo! Here's that little fool pumpkin. Wonder if it thinks it's a +morning-glory yet?' + +"And the boy said, 'Oh, father, mayn't I have it?' + +"And the father said, 'Guess so. What are you going to do with it?' + +"But the boy didn't tell, because he was going to keep it for a +surprise; but as soon as his father went out of the barn, he picked up +the bad little pumpkin by its long neck, and he kind of balanced it +before him, and he said, 'Well, now, I'm going to make a pumpkin-glory +out of _you_!' + +[Illustration: "'HERE'S THAT LITTLE FOOL PUMPKIN,' SAID THE FARMER."] + +"And when the bad little pumpkin heard that, all its seeds fairly +rattled in it for joy. The boy took out his knife, and the first thing +the pumpkin knew he was cutting a kind of lid off the top of it; it was +like getting scalped, but the pumpkin didn't mind it, because it was +just the same as war. And when the boy got the top off he poured the +seeds out, and began to scrape the inside as thin as he could without +breaking through. It hurt awfully, and nothing but the hope of being a +pumpkin-glory could have kept the little pumpkin quiet; but it didn't +say a word, even after the boy had made a mouth for it, with two rows of +splendid teeth, and it didn't cry with either of the eyes he made for +it; just winked at him with one of them, and twisted its mouth to one +side, so as to let him know it was in the joke; and the first thing it +did when it got one was to turn up its nose at the good little pumpkin, +which the boy's mother came into the barn to get." + +"Show how it looked," said the boy. + +And the papa twisted his mouth, and winked with one eye, and wrinkled +his nose till the little girl begged him to stop. Then he went on: + +"The boy hid the bad pumpkin behind him till his mother was gone, +because he didn't want her in the secret; and then he slipped into the +house, and put it under his bed. It was pretty lonesome up there in the +boy's room--he slept in the garret, and there was nothing but broken +furniture besides his bed; but all day long it could smell the good +little pumpkin, boiling and boiling for pies; and late at night, after +the boy had gone to sleep, it could smell the hot pies when they came +out of the oven. They smelt splendid, but the bad little pumpkin didn't +envy them a bit; it just said, 'Pooh! What's twenty pumpkin pies to one +pumpkin-glory?'" + +"It ought to have said 'what _are_,' oughtn't it, papa?" asked the +little girl. + +"It certainly ought," said the papa. "But if nothing but it's grammar +had been bad, there wouldn't have been much to complain of about it." + +"I don't suppose it had ever heard much good grammar from the farmer's +family," suggested the boy. "Farmers always say cowcumbers instead of +cucumbers." + +"Oh, _do_ tell us about the Cowcumber, and the Bullcumber, and the +little Calfcumbers, papa!" the little girl entreated, and she clasped +her hands, to show how anxious she was. + +"What! And leave off at the most exciting part of the pumpkin-glory?" + +The little girl saw what a mistake she had made; the boy just gave her +_one look_, and she cowered down into the papa's lap, and the papa went +on. + +"Well, they had an extra big Thanksgiving at the farmer's that day. Lots +of the relations came from out West; the grandmother, who was living +with the farmer, was getting pretty old, and every year or two she +thought she wasn't going to live very much longer, and she wrote to the +relations in Wisconsin, and everywhere, that if they expected to see her +alive again, they had better come this time, and bring all their +families. She kept doing it till she was about ninety, and then she just +concluded to live along and not mind how old she was. But this was just +before her eighty-ninth birthday, and she had drummed up so many sons +and sons-in-law, and daughters and daughters-in-law, and grandsons and +great-grandsons, and granddaughters and great-granddaughters, that the +house was perfectly packed with them. They had to sleep on the floor, a +good many of them, and you could hardly step for them; the boys slept in +the barn, and they laughed and cut up so the whole night that the +roosters thought it was morning, and kept crowing till they made their +throats sore, and had to wear wet compresses round them every night for +a week afterwards." + +When the papa said anything like this the children had a right to pound +him, but they were so anxious not to have him stop, that this time they +did not do it. They said, "Go on, go on!" and the little girl said, "And +then the tables!" + +"Tables? Well, I should think so! They got all the tables there were in +the house, up stairs and down, for dinner Thanksgiving Day, and they +took the grandmother's work-stand and put it at the head, and she sat +down there; only she was so used to knitting by that table that she kept +looking for her knitting-needles all through dinner, and couldn't seem +to remember what it was she was missing. The other end of the table was +the carpenter's bench that they brought in out of the barn, and they put +the youngest and funniest papa at that. The tables stretched from the +kitchen into the dining-room, and clear through that out into the hall, +and across into the parlor. They hadn't table-cloths enough to go the +whole length, and the end of the carpenter's bench, where the funniest +papa sat, was bare, and all through dinner-time he kept making fun. The +vise was right at the corner, and when he got his help of turkey, he +pretended that it was so tough he had to fasten the bone in the vise, +and cut the meat off with his knife like a draw-shave." + +"It was the drumstick, I suppose, papa?" said the boy. "A turkey's +drumstick is all full of little wooden splinters, anyway." + +"And what did the mamma say?" asked the little girl. + +[Illustration: "CAUGHT HIS TROUSERS ON A SHINGLE-NAIL, AND STUCK."] + +"Oh, she kept saying, 'Now you behave!' and, 'Well, I should think you'd +be ashamed!' but the funniest papa didn't mind her a bit; and everybody +laughed till they could hardly stand it. All this time the boys were out +in the barn, waiting for the second table, and playing round. The +farmer's boy went up to his room over the wood-shed, and got in at the +garret window, and brought out the pumpkin-glory. Only he began to +slip when he was coming down the roof, and he'd have slipped clear off +if he hadn't caught his trousers on a shingle-nail, and stuck. It made a +pretty bad tear, but the other boys pinned it up so that it wouldn't +show, and the pumpkin-glory wasn't hurt a bit. They all said that it was +about the best jack-o'-lantern they almost ever saw, on account of the +long neck there was to it; and they made a plan to stick the end of the +neck into the top of the pump, and have fun hearing what the folks would +say when they came out after dark and saw it all lit up; and then they +noticed the pigpen at the corner of the barn, and began to plague the +pig, and so many of them got up on the pen that they broke the middle +board off; and they didn't like to nail it on again because it was +Thanksgiving Day, and you mustn't hammer or anything; so they just stuck +it up in its place with a piece of wood against it, and the boy said he +would fix it in the morning. + +"The grown folks stayed so long at the table that it was nearly dark +when the boys got to it, and they would have been almost starved if the +farm-boy hadn't brought out apples and doughnuts every little while. As +it was, they were pretty hungry, and they began on the pumpkin pie at +once, so as to keep eating till the mother and the other mothers that +were helping could get some of the things out of the oven that they had +been keeping hot for the boys. The pie was so nice that they kept eating +at it all along, and the mother told them about the good little pumpkin +that it was made of, and how the good little pumpkin had never had any +wish from the time it was nothing but a seed, except to grow up and be +made into pies and eaten at Thanksgiving; and they must all try to be +good, too, and grow up and do likewise. The boys didn't say anything, +because their mouths were so full, but they looked at each other and +winked their left eyes. There were about forty or fifty of them, and +when they all winked their left eyes it made it so dark you could hardly +see; and the mother got the lamp; but the other mothers saw what the +boys were doing, and they just shook them till they opened their eyes +and stopped their mischief." + +"Show how they looked!" said the boy. + +"I can't show how fifty boys looked," said the papa. "But they looked a +good deal like the pumpkin-glory that was waiting quietly in the barn +for them to get through, and come out and have some fun with it. When +they had all eaten so much that they could hardly stand up, they got +down from the table, and grabbed their hats, and started for the door. +But they had to go out the back way, because the table took up the +front entry, and that gave the farmer's boy a chance to find a piece of +candle out in the kitchen and some matches; and then they rushed to the +barn. It was so dark there already that they thought they had better +light up the pumpkin-glory and try it. They lit it up, and it worked +splendidly; but they forgot to put out the match, and it caught some +straw on the barn floor, and a little more and it would have burnt the +barn down. The boys stamped the fire out in about half a second; and +after that they waited till it was dark outside before they lit up the +pumpkin-glory again. Then they all bent down over it to keep the wind +from blowing the match anywhere, and pretty soon it was lit up, and the +farmer's boy took the pumpkin-glory by its long neck, and stuck the +point in the hole in the top of the pump; and just then the funniest +papa came round the corner of the wood-house, and said: + +"'What have you got there, boys? Jack-o'-lantern? Well, well. That's a +good one!' + +"He came up and looked at the pumpkin-glory, and he bent back and he +bent forward, and he doubled down and he straightened up, and laughed +till the boys thought he was going to kill himself. + +"They had all intended to burst into an Indian yell, and dance round the +pumpkin-glory; but the funniest papa said, 'Now all you fellows keep +still half a minute,' and the next thing they knew he ran into the +house, and came out, walking his wife before him with both his hands +over her eyes. Then the boys saw he was going to have some fun with her, +and they kept as still as mice, and waited till he walked her up to the +pumpkin-glory; and she was saying all the time, 'Now, John, if this is +some of your fooling, I'll _give_ it to you.' When he got her close up +he took away his hands, and she gave a kind of a whoop, and then she +began to laugh, the pumpkin-glory _was_ so funny, and to chase the +funniest papa all round the yard to box his ears, and as soon as she had +boxed them she said, 'Now let's go in and send the rest out,' and in +about a quarter of a second all the other papas came out, holding their +hands over the other mothers' eyes till they got them up to the +pumpkin-glory; and then there was such a yelling and laughing and +chasing and ear-boxing that you never heard anything like it; and all at +once the funniest papa hallooed out: 'Where's gramma? Gramma's got to +see it! Grandma'll enjoy it. It's just gramma's kind of joke,' and then +the mothers all got round him and said he shouldn't fool the +grandmother, anyway; and he said he wasn't going to: he was just going +to bring her out and let her see it; and his wife went along with him to +watch that he didn't begin acting up. + +"The grandmother had been sitting all alone in her room ever since +dinner; because she was always afraid somehow that if you enjoyed +yourself it was a sign you were going to suffer for it, and she had +enjoyed herself a good deal that day, and she was feeling awfully about +it. When the funniest papa and his wife came in she said, 'What is it? +What is it? Is the world a-burnin' up? Well, you got to wrap up warm, +then, or you'll ketch your death o' cold runnin' and then stoppin' to +rest with your pores all open!' + +"The funniest papa's wife she went up and kissed her, and said, 'No, +grandmother, the world's all right,' and then she told her just how it +was, and how they wanted her to come out and see the jack-o'-lantern, +just to please the children; and she must come, anyway; because it was +the funniest jack-o'-lantern there ever was, and then she told how the +funniest papa had fooled her, and then how they had got the other papas +to fool the other mothers, and they had all had the greatest fun then +you ever saw. All the time she kept putting on her things for her, and +the grandmother seemed to get quite in the notion, and she laughed a +little, and they thought she was going to enjoy it as much as anybody; +they really did, because they were all very tender of her, and they +wouldn't have scared her for anything, and everybody kept cheering her +up and telling her how much they knew she would like it, till they got +her to the pump. The little pumpkin-glory was feeling awfully proud and +self-satisfied; for it had never seen any flower or any vegetable +treated with half so much honor by human beings. It wasn't sure at first +that it was very nice to be laughed at so much, but after a while it +began to conclude that the papas and the mammas were just laughing at +the joke of the whole thing. When the old grandmother got up close, +it thought it would do something extra to please her; or else the heat +of the candle had dried it up so that it cracked without intending to. +Anyway, it tried to give a very broad grin, and all of a sudden it split +its mouth from ear to ear." + +[Illustration: "'MY SAKES! IT'S COMIN' TO LIFE!'"] + +"You didn't say it had any ears before," said the boy. + +"No; it had them behind," said the papa; and the boy felt like giving +him just one pound; but he thought it might stop the story, and so he +let the papa go on. + +"As soon as the grandmother saw it open its mouth that way she just gave +one scream, 'My sakes! It's comin' to life!' And she threw up her arms, +and she threw up her feet, and if the funniest papa hadn't been there to +catch her, and if there hadn't been forty or fifty other sons and +daughters, and grandsons and daughters, and great-grandsons and +great-granddaughters, very likely she might have fallen. As it was, +they piled round her, and kept her up; but there were so many of them +they jostled the pump, and the first thing the pumpkin-glory knew, it +fell down and burst open; and the pig that the boys had plagued, and +that had kept squealing all the time because it thought that the people +had come out to feed it, knocked the loose board off its pen, and flew +out and gobbled the pumpkin-glory up, candle and all, and that was the +end of the proud little pumpkin-glory." + +"And when the pig ate the candle it looked like the magician when he +puts burning tow in his mouth," said the boy. + +"Exactly," said the papa. + +The children were both silent for a moment. Then the boy said, "This +story never had any moral, I believe, papa?" + +"Not a bit," said the papa. "Unless," he added, "the moral was that you +had better not be ambitious, unless you want to come to the sad end of +this proud little pumpkin-glory." + +"Why, but the good little pumpkin was eaten up, too," said the boy. + +"That's true," the papa acknowledged. + +"Well," said the little girl, "there's a great deal of difference +between being eaten by persons and eaten by pigs." + +"All the difference in the world," said the papa; and he laughed, and +ran out of the library before the boy could get at him. + +[Illustration] + + + + +Butterflyflutterby and Flutterbybutterfly + +[Illustration] + + +One morning when the papa was on a visit to the grandfather, the nephew +and the niece came rushing into his room and got into bed with him. He +pretended to be asleep, and even when they grabbed hold of him and shook +him, he just let his teeth clatter, and made no sign of waking up. But +they knew he was fooling, and they kept shaking him till he opened his +eyes and looked round, and said, "Oh, oh! where am I?" as if he were all +bewildered. + +"You're in bed with _us_!" they shouted; and they acted as if they were +afraid he would try to get away from them by the way they held on to +his arms. + +But he lay quite still, and he only said, "I should say _you_ were in +bed with _me_. It seems to be my bed." + +"It's the same thing!" said the nephew. + +"How do you make that out?" asked the papa. "It's the same thing if it's +enchantment. But if it isn't, it isn't." + +The niece said, "What enchantment?" for she thought that would be a +pretty good chance to get what they had come for. + +She was perfectly delighted, and gave a joyful thrill all over when the +papa said, "Oh, that's a long story." + +"Well, the longer the better, _I_ should say; shouldn't you, brother?" +she returned. + +The nephew hemmed twice in his throat, and asked, drowsily, "Is it a +little-pig story, or a fairy-prince story?" for he had heard from his +cousins that their papa would tell you a little-pig story if he got the +chance; and you had to look out and ask him which it was going to be +beforehand. + +"Well, I can't tell," said the papa. "It's a fairy-prince story to begin +with, but it may turn out a little-pig story before it gets to the end. +It depends upon how the Prince behaves. But _I'm_ not anxious to tell +it," and the papa put his face into the pillow and pretended to fall +instantly asleep again. + +"Now, brother, you see!" said the niece. "Being so particular!" + +"Well, sister," said the nephew, "it wasn't my fault. I _had_ to ask +him. You know what they said." + +"Well, I suppose we've got to wake him up all over again," said the +niece, with a little sigh; and they began to pull at the papa this way +and that, but they could not budge him. As soon as they stopped, he +opened his eyes. + +"Now don't say, 'Where am I?'" said the niece. + +The papa could not help laughing, because that was just the very thing +he was going to say. "Well, all right! What about that story? Do you +want to hear it, and take your chances of its being a Prince to the +end?" + +"I suppose we'll have to; won't we, sister?" + +"Yes, we'll leave it all to you, uncle," said the niece; and she thought +she would coax him up a little, and so she went on: "I know you won't be +mean about it. Will he, brother?" + +"No," said the nephew. "I'll bet the Prince will keep a Prince all the +way through. What'll _you_ bet, sister?" + +"I won't bet anything," said the niece, and she put her arm round the +papa's neck, and pressed her cheek up against his. "I'll just leave it +to uncle, and if it _does_ turn into a little-pig story, it'll be for +the moral." + +The nephew was not quite sure what a moral was; but at the bottom of his +heart he would just as soon have it a little-pig story as not. He had +got to thinking how funny a little pig would look in a Prince's clothes, +and he said, "Yes, it'll be for the moral." + +The papa was very contrary that morning. "Well," said he, "I don't know +about that. I'm not sure there's going to be any moral." + +"Oh, goody!" said the niece, and she clapped her hands in great delight. +"Then it's going to be a Prince story all through!" + +"If you interrupt me in that way, it's not going to be any story at +all." + +"I didn't know you had begun it, uncle," pleaded the niece. + +"Well, I hadn't. But I was just going to." The papa lay quiet a while. +The fact is, he had not thought up any story at all; and he was so tired +of all the stories he used to tell his own children that he could not +bear to tell one of them, though he knew very well that the niece and +nephew would be just as glad of it as if it were new, and maybe gladder; +for they had heard a great deal about these stories, how perfectly +splendid they were--like the Pumpkin-Glory, and the Little Pig that took +the Poison Pills, and the Proud Little Horse-car that fell in Love with +the Pullman Sleeper, and Jap Doll Hopsing's Adventures in Crossing the +Continent, and the Enchantment of the Greedy Travellers, and the Little +Boy whose Legs turned into Bicycle Wheels. At last the papa said, "This +is a very peculiar kind of a story. It's about a Prince and a Princess." + +"Oh!" went both of the children; and then they stopped themselves, and +stuffed the covering into their mouths. + +The papa lifted himself on his elbow and stared severely at them, first +at one, and then at the other. "Have you finished?" he asked, as if +they had interrupted him; but he really wanted to gain time, so as to +think up a story of some kind. The children were afraid to say anything, +and the papa went on with freezing politeness: "Because if you have, I +might like to say something myself. This story is about a Prince and a +Princess, but the thing of it is that they had names almost exactly +alike. They were twins; the Prince was a boy and the Princess was a +girl; that was a point that their fairy godmother carried against the +wicked enchantress who tried to have it just the other way; but it made +the wicked enchantress so mad that the fairy godmother had to give in to +her a little, and let them be named almost exactly alike." + +Here the papa stopped, and after waiting for him to go on, the nephew +ventured to ask, very respectfully indeed, "Would you mind telling us +what their names were, uncle?" + +The papa rubbed his forehead. "I have such a bad memory for names. Hold +on! Wait a minute! I remember now! Their names were Butterflyflutterby +and Flutterbybutterfly." Of course he had just thought up the names. + +"And which was which, uncle dear?" asked the niece, not only very +respectfully, but very affectionately, too; she was so afraid he would +get mad again, and stop altogether. + +"Why, I should think you would know a girl's name when you heard it. +Butterflyflutterby was the Prince and Flutterbybutterfly was the +Princess." + +"I don't see how we're ever going to keep them apart," sighed the niece. + +"You've _got_ to keep them apart," said the papa. "Because it's the +great thing about the story that if you can't remember which is the +Prince and which is the Princess whenever I ask you, the story has to +stop. It can't help it, and _I_ can't help it." + +They knew he was just setting a trap for them, and the same thought +struck them both at once. They rose up and leaned over the papa, with +their arms across and their fluffy heads together in the form of a +capital letter A, and whispered in each other's ears, "You say it's one, +and I'll say it's the other, and then we'll have it right between us." + +They dropped back and pulled the covering up to their chins, and +shouted, "Don't you tell! don't you tell!" and just perfectly wriggled +with triumph. + +The papa had heard every word; they were laughing so that they whispered +almost as loud as talking; but he pretended that he had not understood, +and he made up his mind that he would have them yet. "A little and a +more," he said, "and I should never have gone on again." + +"Go on! Go on!" they called out, and then they wriggled and giggled +till anybody would have thought they were both crazy. + +"Well, where was I?" This was another of the papa's tricks to gain time. +Whenever he could not think of anything more, he always asked, "Well, +where was I?" He now added: "Oh yes! I remember! Well, once there were a +Prince and a Princess, and their names were Butterflyflutterby and +Flutterbybutterfly; and they were both twins, and both orphans; but they +made their home with their fairy godmother as long as they were little, +and they used to help her about the house for part board, and she helped +them about their kingdom, and kept it in good order for them, and left +them plenty of time to play and enjoy themselves. She was the greatest +person for order there ever was; and if she found a speck of dust or +dirt on the kingdom anywhere, she would have out the whole army and make +them wash it up, and then sand-paper the place, and polish it with a +coarse towel till it perfectly glistened. The father of the Prince and +Princess had taken the precaution, before he died, to subdue all his +enemies; and the consequence was that the longest kind of peace had set +in, and the army had nothing to do but keep the kingdom clean. That was +the reason why the fairy godmother had made the General-in-Chief take +their guns away, and arm them with long feather-dusters. They marched +with the poles on their shoulders, and carried the dusters in their +belts, like bayonets; and whenever they came to a place that the fairy +godmother said needed dusting--she always went along with them in a +diamond chariot--she made the General halloo out: 'Fix dusters! Make +ready! Aim! Dust!' And then the place would be cleaned up. But the +General-in-Chief used to go out behind the church and cry, it mortified +him so to have to give such orders, and it reminded him so painfully of +the good old times when he would order his men to charge the enemy, and +cover the field with gore and blood, instead of having it so awfully +spick-and-span as it was now. Still he did what the fairy godmother told +him, because he said it was his duty; and he kept his troops supplied +with sudsine and dustene, to clean up with, and brushes and towels. The +fairy godmother--" + +[Illustration: "'FIX DUSTERS! MAKE READY! AIM! DUST!'"] + +"Excuse me, uncle," said the nephew, with extreme deference, "but I +should just like to ask you one question. Will you let me?" + +"What is it?" said the papa, in the grimmest kind of manner he could put +on. + +"Ah, brother!" murmured the niece; for she knew that he was rather +sarcastic, and she was afraid that something ironical was coming. + +[Illustration: "THE GENERAL-IN-CHIEF USED TO GO BEHIND THE CHURCH AND +CRY."] + +"Well, I just wanted to ask whether this story was about the fairy +godmother, or about the Prince and Princess." + +"Very well, now," said the papa. "You've asked your question. I didn't +promise to answer it, and I'm happy to say it stops the story. I'll +guess _I'll_ go to sleep again. I don't like being waked up this way in +the middle of the night, anyhow." + +"Now, brother, I hope you're satisfied!" said the niece. + +The nephew evaded the point. He said: "Well, sister, if the story really +isn't going on, I should like to ask uncle another question. How big was +the fairy godmother's diamond chariot?" + +"It was the usual sized chariot," answered the papa. + +"Whew! It must have been a pretty big diamond, then!" + +"It was a _very_ big diamond," said the papa; and he seemed to forget +all about being mad, or else he had thought up some more of the story +to tell, for he went on just as if nothing had happened. "The fairy +godmother was so severe with the dirt she found because it was a royal +prerogative--that is, nobody but the King, or the King's family, had a +right to make a mess, and if other people did it, they were infringing +on the royal prerogative. + +"You know," the papa explained, "that in old times and countries the +royal family have been allowed to do things that no other family would +have been associated with if they had done them. That is about the only +use there is in having a royal family. But the fairy godmother of +Prince--" + +"Butterflyflutterby," said the niece. + +"And Princess--" + +"Flutterbybutterfly," said the nephew. + +"Correct," said the papa. + +The children rose up into a capital A again, and whispered, "He didn't +catch us _that_ time," and fell back, laughing, and the papa had to go +on. + +"The fairy godmother thought she would try to bring up the Prince and +Princess rather better than most Princes and Princesses were brought up, +and so she said that the only thing they should be allowed to do +different from other people was to make a mess. If any other persons +were caught making a mess they were banished; and there was another law +that was perfectly awful." + +"What-was-it-go-ahead?" said the nephew, running all his words together, +he was so anxious to know. + +"Why, if any person was found clearing up anywhere, and it turned out to +be a mess that the royal twins had made, the person was thrown from a +tower." + +"Did it kill them?" the niece inquired, rather faintly. + +"Well, no, it didn't _kill_ them exactly, but it bounced them up pretty +high. You see, they fell on a bed of India-rubber about twenty feet +deep. It gave them a good scare; and that's the great thing in throwing +persons from a high tower." + +The nephew hastened to improve the opportunity which seemed to be given +for asking questions. + +"What do you mean exactly by making a mess, uncle?" + +"Oh, scattering scraps of paper about, or scuffing the landscape, or +getting jam or molasses on the face of nature, or having bonfires in the +back yard of the palace, or leaving dolls around on the throne. But what +did I say about asking questions? Now there's another thing about this +story: when it comes to the exciting part, if you move the least bit, or +even breathe loud, the story stops, just as if you didn't know which was +the Prince and which was the Princess. _Now_ do you understand?" + +The children both said "Yes" in a very small whisper, and cowered down +almost under the clothing, and held on tight, so as to keep from +stirring. + +[Illustration: "THE YOUNG KHAN AND KHANT ENTERED THE KINGDOM WITH A +MAGNIFICENT RETINUE."] + +The papa went on: "Well, about the time they had got these two laws in +full force, and forty or fifty thousand boys and girls had been banished +for making a mess, and pretty nearly all the neat old ladies in the +kingdom had been thrown from a high tower for cleaning up after the +Prince and Princess Butterflyflutterby and Flutterbybutterfly, the +young Khan and Khant of Tartary entered the kingdom with a magnificent +retinue of followers, to select a bride and groom from the children of +the royal family. As there were no children in the royal family except +the twins, the choice of the Khan and Khant naturally fell upon the +Prince--" + +"Butterflyflutterby!" + +"And the Princess--" + +"Flutterbybutterfly!" + +"Correct. It also happened that the Khan and the Khant were brother and +sister; but if you can't tell which was the brother and which was the +sister, the story stops at this point." + +"Why, but, uncle," said the little girl, reproachfully, "you haven't +ever told us which is which yourself yet!" + +"I know it. Because I'm waiting to find out. You see, with these Asiatic +names it's impossible sometimes to tell which is which. You have to wait +and see how they will act. If there had been a battle anywhere, and one +of them had screamed, and run away, then I suppose I should have been +pretty sure it was the sister; but even then I shouldn't know which was +the Khan and which was the Khant." + +"Well, what are we going to do about it, then?" asked the nephew. + +"I don't know," said the papa. "We shall just have to keep on and see. +Perhaps when they meet the Prince and Princess we shall find out. I +don't suppose a boy would fall in love with a boy." + +"No," said the niece; "but he might want to go off with him and have +fun, or something." + +"That's true," said the papa. "We've got to all watch out. Of course the +Khan and the Khant scuffed the landscape awfully, as they came along +through the kingdom, and got the face of nature all daubed up with +marmalade--they were the greatest persons for marmalade--and when they +reached the palace of the Prince and Princess they had to camp out in +the back yard, and they had to have bonfires to cook by, and they made a +frightful mess. + +"Well, there was the greatest excitement about it that there ever was. +The General-in-Chief kept his men under arms night and day, and the +fairy godmother was so worked up she almost had a brain-fever; and if +she had not taken six of aconite every night when she went to bed she +_would_ have had. You see, the question was what to do about the mess +that the Khan and Khant made. They were visitors, and it wouldn't have +been polite to banish them; and they belonged to a royal family, and so +nobody dared to clean up after them. The whole kingdom was in the most +disgusting state, and whenever the fairy godmother looked into the back +yard of the palace she felt as if she would go through the floor. + +[Illustration: "SHE WAS GOING TO TAKE THE CASE INTO HER OWN HANDS."] + +"Well, it kept on going from bad to worse. The only person that enjoyed +herself was the wicked enchantress; _she_ never had such a good time in +her life; and when the fairy godmother got hold of the Grand Vizier and +the Cadi, and told them to make a new law so as to allow the army to +clean up after royal visitors, without being thrown from a high tower, +the wicked enchantress enchanted the whole mess, so that the army could +not tell which the Prince and Princess had made, and which the Khan and +Khant had made; they were all four always playing together, anyway. + +"It seemed as if the poor old fairy godmother would go perfectly wild, +and she almost made the General crazy giving orders in one breath, and +taking them back in the next. She said that now something had got to be +done; she had stood it long enough; and she was going to take the case +into her own hands. She saw that she should have no peace of her life +till the Prince and Princess and the Khan and Khant were married. She +sent for the head Imam, and told him to bring those children right in +and marry them, and she would be responsible. + +"The Imam put his head to the floor--and it was pretty hard on him, for +he was short and stout, and he had to do it kind of sideways--and said +to hear was to obey; but he could not marry them unless he knew which +was which. + +"The fairy godmother screamed out: 'I don't _care_ which is which! Marry +them all, just as they are!' + +"But when she came to think it over, she saw that this would not do, and +so she tried to invent some way out of the trouble. One morning she woke +up with a splendid idea, and she could hardly wait to have breakfast +before she sent for the General-in-Chief. Her nerves were all gone, and +as soon as she saw him, she yelled at him: 'A sham battle--to-day--now--this +very instant! Right away, right away, right away!' + +[Illustration: "THE IMAM PUT HIS HEAD TO THE FLOOR."] + +"The General got her to explain herself, and then he understood that she +wanted him to have a grand review and sham battle of all the troops, in +honor of the Khan and Khant; and the whole court had to be present, and +especially the timidest of the ladies, that would almost scare a person +to death by the way they screamed when they were frightened. The General +was just going to say that the guns and cannon had all got rusty, and +the powder was spoiled from not having been used for so long, with the +everlasting cleaning up that had been going on; but the fairy godmother +stamped her foot and sent him flying. So the only thing he could do was +to set all the gnomes at work making guns and cannon and powder, and +about twelve o'clock they had them ready, and just after lunch the sham +battle began. + +"The troops marched and counter-marched, and fired away the whole +afternoon, and sprang mines and blew up magazines, and threw cannon +crackers and cannon torpedoes. There was such an awful din and racket +that you couldn't hear yourself think, and some of the court ladies were +made perfectly sick by it. They all asked to be excused, but the fairy +godmother wouldn't excuse one of them. She just kept them there on the +seats round the battle-field, and let them shriek themselves hoarse. So +many of them fainted that they had to have the garden hose brought, and +they kept it sprinkling away on their faces all the afternoon. + +[Illustration: "THEY BEGAN TO SCREAM, 'OH, THE COW! THE COW!'"] + +"But it was a failure as far as the Khan and the Khant were concerned. +The fairy godmother expected that as soon as the loudest firing began, +the girl, whichever it was, would scream, and so they would know +which was which. But the Khan and Khant's father had been a famous +warrior, and he had been in the habit of taking his children to battle +with him from their earliest years, partly because his wife was dead and +he didn't dare trust them with the careless nurse at home, and partly +because he wanted to harden their nerves. So now they just clapped their +hands, and enjoyed the sham battle down to the ground. + +"About sunset the fairy godmother gave it up. She had to, anyway. The +troops had shot away all their powder, and the gnomes couldn't make any +more till the next day. So she set out to return to the city, with all +the court following her diamond chariot, and I can tell you she felt +pretty gloomy. She told the Grand Vizier that now she didn't see any end +to the trouble, and she was just going into hysterics when a barefooted +boy came along driving his cow home from the pasture. The fairy +godmother didn't mind it much, for she was in her chariot; but the court +ladies were on foot, and they began to scream, 'Oh, the cow! the cow!' +and to take hold of the knights, and to get on to the fence, till it was +perfectly packed with them; and who do you think the fairy godmother +found had scrambled up on top of her chariot?" + +The nephew and niece were afraid to risk a guess, and the papa had to +say: + +"The Khant! The fairy godmother pulled her inside and hugged her and +kissed her, she was so glad to find out that she was the one; and she +stopped the procession on the spot, and she called up the Imam, and he +married the Khant to Prince--" + +The papa stopped, and as the niece and nephew hesitated, he said, very +sternly, "Well?" + +The fact is, they had got so mixed up about the Khan and the Khant of +Tartary that they had forgotten which was Butterflyflutterby and which +was Flutterbybutterfly. They tried, shouting out one the one and the +other the other, but the papa said: + +"Oh no! That won't work. I've had that sort of thing tried on me before, +and it _never_ works. _I_ heard you whispering what you would do, and +you have simply added the crime of double-dealing to the crime of +inattention. The story has stopped, and stopped forever." + +The nephew stretched himself and then sat up in bed. "Well, it had got +to the end, anyway." + +"Oh, _had_ it? What became of the wicked enchantress?" The nephew lay +down again, in considerable dismay. + +"Uncle," said the niece, very coaxingly, "_I_ didn't say it had come to +the end." + +"But it has," said the papa. "And I'm mighty glad you forgot the +Prince's name, for the rule of this story is that it has to go on as +long as any one listening remembers, and it might have gone on +forever." + +"I suppose," the nephew said, "a person may guess?" + +"He may, if he guesses right. If he guesses wrong, he has to be thrown +from a high tower--the same one the wicked enchantress was thrown from." + +"There!" shouted the nephew; "you said you wouldn't tell. How high was +the tower, anyway, uncle? As high as the Eiffel Tower in Paris?" + +"Not quite. It was three feet and five inches high." + +"Ho! Then the enchantress was a dwarf!" + +"Who said she was a dwarf?" + +"There wouldn't be any use throwing her from the tower if she wasn't." + +"I didn't say it was any use. They just did it for ornament." + +This made the nephew so mad that he began to dig the papa with his fist, +and the papa began to laugh. He said, as well as he could for laughing: +"You see, the trouble was to keep her from bouncing up higher than the +top of the tower. She was light weight, anyway, because she was a witch; +and after the first bounce they had to have two executioners to keep +throwing her down--a day executioner and a night executioner; and she +went so fast up and down that she was just like a solid column of +enchantress. She enjoyed it first-rate, but it kept her out of +mischief." + +"Now, uncle," said the niece, "you're just letting yourself go. What did +the fairy godmother do after they all got married?" + +"Well, the story don't say exactly. But there's a report that when she +became a fairy grandgodmother, she was not half so severe about cleaning +up, and let the poor old General-in-Chief have some peace of his +life--or some war. There was a rebellion among the genii not long +afterwards, and the General was about ten or fifteen years putting them +down." + +The nephew had been lying quiet a moment. Now he began to laugh. + +"What are you laughing at?" demanded his uncle. + +"The way that Khant scrambled up on top of the chariot when the cow came +along. Just like a girl. They're all afraid of cows." + +The tears came into the niece's eyes; she had a great many feelings, and +they were easily hurt, especially her feelings about girls. + +"Well, she wasn't afraid of the cannon, anyway." + +"That is a very just remark," said the uncle. "And now what do you say +to breakfast?" + +The children sprang out of bed, and tried which could beat to the door. +They forgot to thank the uncle, but he did not seem to have expected any +thanks. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Christmas Every Day and Other Stories, by +W. D. Howells + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY *** + +***** This file should be named 22519.txt or 22519.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/2/5/1/22519/ + +Produced by Susan Skinner, David Edwards and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from scans of public domain material +produced by Microsoft for their Live Search Books site.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +http://gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at +http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at http://pglaf.org + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit http://pglaf.org + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. |