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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/23513-0.txt b/23513-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..22dc182 --- /dev/null +++ b/23513-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,662 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Old Jabe's Marital Experiments, by Thomas Nelson Page + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Old Jabe's Marital Experiments + 1908 + +Author: Thomas Nelson Page + +Release Date: November 16, 2007 [EBook #23513] +Last Updated: March 8, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS + +By Thomas Nelson Page + +Charles Scribner's Sons New York, 1908 + +Copyright, 1891, 1904, 1906 + + +Old Jabe belonged to the Meriwethers, a fact which he never forgot or +allowed anyone else to forget; and on this he traded as a capital, +which paid him many dividends of one kind or another, among them being a +dividend in wives. How many wives he had had no one knew; and Jabe's own +account was incredible. It would have eclipsed Henry VIII and Bluebeard. +But making all due allowance for his arithmetic, he must have run these +worthies a close second. He had not been a specially good “hand” before +the war, and was generally on unfriendly terms with the overseers. +They used to say that he was a “slick-tongued loafer,” and “the laziest +nigger on the place.” But Jabe declared, in defiance, that he had been +on the plantation before any overseer ever put his foot there, and he +would outstay the last one of them all, which, indeed, proved to be +true. The overseers disappeared with the end of Slavery, but Jabe +remained “slick-tongued,” oily, and humorous, as before. + +When, at the close of the war, the other negroes moved away, Jabez, +after a brief outing, “took up” a few acres on the far edge of the +plantation, several miles from the house, and settled down to spend +the rest of his days, on what he called his “place,” in such ease +as constant application to his old mistress for aid and a frequently +renewed supply of wives could give. + +Jabe's idea of emancipation was somewhat one-sided. He had all the +privileges of a freed-man, but lost none of a slave. He was free, but +his master's condition remained unchanged: he still had to support him, +when Jabez chose to call on him, and Jabez chose to call often. + +“Ef I don' come to you, who is I got to go to!” he demanded. + +This was admitted to be a valid argument, and Jabez lived, if not on the +fat of the land, at least on the fat of his former mistress's kitchen, +with such aid as his current wife could furnish. + +He had had several wives before the war, and was reputed to be none too +good to them, a fact which was known at home only on hearsay; for he +always took his wives from plantations at a distance from his home. + +The overseers said that he did this so that he could get off to go to +his “wife's house,” and thus shirk work; the other servants said it +was because the women did not know him so well as those at home, and he +could leave them when he chose. + +Jabez assigned a different reason: + +“It don' do to have your wife live too nigh to you; she 'll want t' know +too much about you, an' you can't never git away from her”--a bit of +philosophy the soundness of which must be left to married men. + +However it was, his reputation did not interfere with his ability to +procure a new wife as often as occasion arose. With Jabez the supply was +ever equal to the demand. + +Mrs. Meriwether, his old mistress, was just telling me of him one day +in reply to a question of mine as to what had become of him; for I had +known him before the war. + +“Oh! he is living still, and he bids fair to outlast the whole colored +female sex. He is a perfect Bluebeard. He has had I do not know how many +wives and I heard that his last wife was sick. They sent for my son, +Douglas, the doctor, not long ago to see her. However, I hope she is +better as he has not been sent for again.” + +At this moment, by a coincidence, the name of Jabez was brought in by a +maid. + +“Unc' Jabez, m'm.” + +That was all; but the tone and the manner of the maid told that Jabez +was a person of note with the messenger; every movement and glance were +self-conscious. + +“That old--! He is a nuisance! What does he want now? Is his wife worse, +or is he after a new one?” + +“I d' n' kn', m'm,” said the maid, sheepishly, twisting her body and +looking away, to appear unconcerned. “Would n' tell me. He ain' after +_me!_ + +“Well, tell him to go to the kitchen till I send for him. Or--wait: +if his wife 's gone, he 'll be courting the cook if I send him to the +kitchen. And I don't want to lose her just now. Tell him to come to the +door.” + +“Yes, 'm.” The maid gave a half-suppressed giggle, which almost became +an explosion as she said something to herself and closed the door. +It sounded like, “Dressed up might'ly--settin' up to de cook now, I +b'lieve.” + +There was a slow, heavy step without, and a knock at the back door; and +on a call from his mistress, Jabez entered, bowing low, very pompous and +serious. He was a curious mixture of assurance and conciliation, as he +stood there, hat in hand. He was tall and black and bald, with white +side-whiskers cut very short, and a rim of white wool around his head. +He was dressed in an old black coat, and held in his hand an ancient +beaver hat around which was a piece of rusty crape. + +“Well, Jabez?” said his mistress, after the salutations were over, “How +are you getting along!” + +“Well, mist'is, not very well, not at all well, ma'am. Had mighty bad +luck. 'Bout my wife,” he added, explanatorily. He pulled down his lips, +and looked the picture of solemnity. + +I saw from Mrs. Meriwether's mystified look that she did not know what +he considered “bad luck.” She could not tell from his reference whether +his wife was better or worse. + +“Is she--ah? What--oh--how is Amanda?” she demanded finally, to solve +the mystery. + +“Mandy! Lord! 'm, 'Mandy was two back. She 's de one runned away wid Tom +Halleck, an' lef' me. I don't know how _she_ is. I never went ahter +her. I wuz re-ally glad to git shet o' her. She was too expansive. Dat +ooman want two frocks a year. When dese women begin to dress up so much, +a man got to look out. Dee ain't always dressin' fer _you!_” + +“Indeed!” But Mrs. Meriwether's irony was lost on Jabez. + +“Yes, 'm; dat she did! Dis one 's name was Sairey.” He folded his hands +and waited, the picture of repose and contentment. + +“Oh, yes. So; true. I 'd forgotten that 'Mandy left you. But I thought +the new one was named Susan!” observed Mrs. Meriwether. + +“No, 'm; not de _newes_' one. Susan--I had her las' Christmas; but she +would n' stay wid me. She was al'ays runnin' off to town; an' you know a +man don' want a ooman on wheels. Ef de Lawd had intended a ooman to have +wheels, he 'd 'a' gi'n 'em to her, would n' he?” + +“Well, I suppose he would,” assented Mrs. Meriwether. “And this one is +Sarah? Well, how is----?” + +“Yes, 'm; dis one was Sairey.” We just caught the past tense. + +“You get them so quickly, you see, you can't expect one to remember +them,” said Mrs. Meriwether, frigidly. She meant to impress Jabez; but +Jabez remained serene. + +“Yes, 'm; dat 's so,” said he, cheerfully. “I kin hardly remember 'em +myself.” + +“No, I suppose not.” His mistress grew severe. “Well, how 's Sarah?” + +“Well, m'm, I could n' exactly say--Sairey she 's done lef me--yes, 'm.” + He looked so cheerful that his mistress said with asperity: + +“Left you! She has run off, too! You must have treated her badly?” + +“No, 'm. I did n'. I never had a wife I treated better. I let her had +all she could eat; an' when she was sick----” + +“I heard she was sick. I heard you sent for the doctor.” + +“Yes, 'm; dat I did--dat 's what I was gwine to tell you. I had a doctor +to see her _twice_. I had two separate and _indifferent_ physicians: +fust Dr. Overall, an' den Marse Douglas. I could n' do no mo' 'n dat, +now, could I?” + +“Well, I don't know,” observed Mrs. Meriwether. “My son told me a week +ago that she was sick. Did she get well?” + +The old man shook his head solemnly. + +“No, 'm; but she went mighty easy. Marse Douglas he eased her off. He is +the bes' doctor I ever see to let 'em die easy.” + +Mingled with her horror at his cold-blooded recital, a smile flickered +about Mrs. Meriwether's mouth at this shot at her son, the doctor; but +the old man looked absolutely innocent. + +“Why did n 't you send for the doctor again?” she demanded. + +“Well, m'm, I gin her two chances. I think dat was 'nough. I wuz right +fond o' Sairey; but I declar' I 'd rather lost Sairey than to _broke_.” + +“You would!” Mrs. Meriwether sat up and began to bristle. “Well, at +least, you have the expense of her funeral; and I 'm glad of it,” she +asserted with severity. + +“Dat 's what I come over t' see you 'bout. I 'm gwine to give Sairey a +fine fun'ral. I want you to let yo' cook cook me a cake an'--one or two +more little things.” + +“Very well,” said Mrs. Meriwether, relenting somewhat; “I will tell her +to do so. I will tell her to make you a good cake. When do you want it?” + +“Thank you m'm. Yes, m'm; ef you 'll gi' me a right good-sized +cake--an'--a loaf or two of flour-bread--an'--a ham, I 'll be very much +obleeged to you. I heah she 's a mighty good cook?” + +“She is,” said Mrs. Meriwether; “the best I 've had in a long time.” + She had not caught the tone of interrogation in his voice, nor seen the +shrewd look in his face, as I had done. Jabez appeared well satisfied. + +“I 'm mighty glad to heah you give her sech a good character; I heahed +you 'd do it. I don' know her very well.” + +Mrs. Meriwether looked up quickly enough to catch his glance this time. + +“Jabez--I know nothing about her character,” she began coldly. “I know +she has a vile temper; but she is an excellent cook, and so long as she +is not impudent to me, that is all I want to know.” + +Jabez bowed approvingly. + +“Yes, 'm; dat 's right. Dat 's all I want t' know. I don' keer nothin' +'bout de temper; atter I git 'em, I kin manage 'em. I jist want t' +know 'bout de char-àcter, dat 's all. I did n' know her so well, an' +I thought I 'd ax you. I tolt her ef you 'd give her a good char-àcter, +she might suit me; but I 'd wait fer de cake--_an_' de ham.” + +His mistress rose to her feet. + +“Jabez, do you mean that you have spoken to that woman already!” + +“Well, yes, 'm; but not to say _speak_ to her. I jes kind o' mentioned +it to her as I 'd inquire as to her char-àcter.” + +“And your wife has been gone--how long! Two days!” + +“Well, mist'is, she 's gone fer good, ain't she!” demanded Jabez. “She +can't be no mo' gone!” + +“You are a wicked, hardened old sinner!” declared the old lady, +vehemently. + +“Nor, I ain't, mist'is; I clar' I ain't,” protested Jabez, with +unruffled front. + +“You treat your wives dreadfully.” + +“Nor, I don't, mist'is. You ax 'em ef I does. Ef I did, dee would n' +be so many of 'em anxious t' git me. Now, would dee? I can start in an' +beat a' one o' dese young bloods aroin' heah, now.” He spoke with pride. + +“I believe that is so, and I cannot understand it. And before one +of them is in her grave you are courting another. It is horrid--an +old--Methuselah like you.” She paused to take breath, and Jabez availed +himself of the pause. + +“Dat 's de reason I got t' do things in a kind o' hurry--I ain' no +Methuselum. I got no time t' wait.” + +“Jabez,” said Mrs. Meriwether, seriously, “tell me how you manage to +fool all these women.” + +The old man pondered for a moment. + +“Well, I declar,' mist'is, I hardly knows how. Dee wants to be fooled. +I think it is becuz dee wants t' see what de urrs marry me fer, an' what +dee done lef' me. Woman is mighty curi-some folk.” + +I have often wondered since if this was really the reason. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Old Jabe's Marital Experiments, by +Thomas Nelson Page + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + +***** This file should be named 23513-0.txt or 23513-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/5/1/23513/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/23513-0.zip b/23513-0.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c14b2d9 --- /dev/null +++ b/23513-0.zip diff --git a/23513-8.txt b/23513-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b994525 --- /dev/null +++ b/23513-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,661 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Old Jabe's Marital Experiments, by Thomas Nelson Page + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Old Jabe's Marital Experiments + 1908 + +Author: Thomas Nelson Page + +Release Date: November 16, 2007 [EBook #23513] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS + +By Thomas Nelson Page + +Charles Scribner's Sons New York, 1908 + +Copyright, 1891, 1904, 1906 + + +Old Jabe belonged to the Meriwethers, a fact which he never forgot or +allowed anyone else to forget; and on this he traded as a capital, +which paid him many dividends of one kind or another, among them being a +dividend in wives. How many wives he had had no one knew; and Jabe's own +account was incredible. It would have eclipsed Henry VIII and Bluebeard. +But making all due allowance for his arithmetic, he must have run these +worthies a close second. He had not been a specially good "hand" before +the war, and was generally on unfriendly terms with the overseers. +They used to say that he was a "slick-tongued loafer," and "the laziest +nigger on the place." But Jabe declared, in defiance, that he had been +on the plantation before any overseer ever put his foot there, and he +would outstay the last one of them all, which, indeed, proved to be +true. The overseers disappeared with the end of Slavery, but Jabe +remained "slick-tongued," oily, and humorous, as before. + +When, at the close of the war, the other negroes moved away, Jabez, +after a brief outing, "took up" a few acres on the far edge of the +plantation, several miles from the house, and settled down to spend +the rest of his days, on what he called his "place," in such ease +as constant application to his old mistress for aid and a frequently +renewed supply of wives could give. + +Jabe's idea of emancipation was somewhat one-sided. He had all the +privileges of a freed-man, but lost none of a slave. He was free, but +his master's condition remained unchanged: he still had to support him, +when Jabez chose to call on him, and Jabez chose to call often. + +"Ef I don' come to you, who is I got to go to!" he demanded. + +This was admitted to be a valid argument, and Jabez lived, if not on the +fat of the land, at least on the fat of his former mistress's kitchen, +with such aid as his current wife could furnish. + +He had had several wives before the war, and was reputed to be none too +good to them, a fact which was known at home only on hearsay; for he +always took his wives from plantations at a distance from his home. + +The overseers said that he did this so that he could get off to go to +his "wife's house," and thus shirk work; the other servants said it +was because the women did not know him so well as those at home, and he +could leave them when he chose. + +Jabez assigned a different reason: + +"It don' do to have your wife live too nigh to you; she 'll want t' know +too much about you, an' you can't never git away from her"--a bit of +philosophy the soundness of which must be left to married men. + +However it was, his reputation did not interfere with his ability to +procure a new wife as often as occasion arose. With Jabez the supply was +ever equal to the demand. + +Mrs. Meriwether, his old mistress, was just telling me of him one day +in reply to a question of mine as to what had become of him; for I had +known him before the war. + +"Oh! he is living still, and he bids fair to outlast the whole colored +female sex. He is a perfect Bluebeard. He has had I do not know how many +wives and I heard that his last wife was sick. They sent for my son, +Douglas, the doctor, not long ago to see her. However, I hope she is +better as he has not been sent for again." + +At this moment, by a coincidence, the name of Jabez was brought in by a +maid. + +"Unc' Jabez, m'm." + +That was all; but the tone and the manner of the maid told that Jabez +was a person of note with the messenger; every movement and glance were +self-conscious. + +"That old--! He is a nuisance! What does he want now? Is his wife worse, +or is he after a new one?" + +"I d' n' kn', m'm," said the maid, sheepishly, twisting her body and +looking away, to appear unconcerned. "Would n' tell me. He ain' after +_me!_ + +"Well, tell him to go to the kitchen till I send for him. Or--wait: +if his wife 's gone, he 'll be courting the cook if I send him to the +kitchen. And I don't want to lose her just now. Tell him to come to the +door." + +"Yes, 'm." The maid gave a half-suppressed giggle, which almost became +an explosion as she said something to herself and closed the door. +It sounded like, "Dressed up might'ly--settin' up to de cook now, I +b'lieve." + +There was a slow, heavy step without, and a knock at the back door; and +on a call from his mistress, Jabez entered, bowing low, very pompous and +serious. He was a curious mixture of assurance and conciliation, as he +stood there, hat in hand. He was tall and black and bald, with white +side-whiskers cut very short, and a rim of white wool around his head. +He was dressed in an old black coat, and held in his hand an ancient +beaver hat around which was a piece of rusty crape. + +"Well, Jabez?" said his mistress, after the salutations were over, "How +are you getting along!" + +"Well, mist'is, not very well, not at all well, ma'am. Had mighty bad +luck. 'Bout my wife," he added, explanatorily. He pulled down his lips, +and looked the picture of solemnity. + +I saw from Mrs. Meriwether's mystified look that she did not know what +he considered "bad luck." She could not tell from his reference whether +his wife was better or worse. + +"Is she--ah? What--oh--how is Amanda?" she demanded finally, to solve +the mystery. + +"Mandy! Lord! 'm, 'Mandy was two back. She 's de one runned away wid Tom +Halleck, an' lef' me. I don't know how _she_ is. I never went ahter +her. I wuz re-ally glad to git shet o' her. She was too expansive. Dat +ooman want two frocks a year. When dese women begin to dress up so much, +a man got to look out. Dee ain't always dressin' fer _you!_" + +"Indeed!" But Mrs. Meriwether's irony was lost on Jabez. + +"Yes, 'm; dat she did! Dis one 's name was Sairey." He folded his hands +and waited, the picture of repose and contentment. + +"Oh, yes. So; true. I 'd forgotten that 'Mandy left you. But I thought +the new one was named Susan!" observed Mrs. Meriwether. + +"No, 'm; not de _newes_' one. Susan--I had her las' Christmas; but she +would n' stay wid me. She was al'ays runnin' off to town; an' you know a +man don' want a ooman on wheels. Ef de Lawd had intended a ooman to have +wheels, he 'd 'a' gi'n 'em to her, would n' he?" + +"Well, I suppose he would," assented Mrs. Meriwether. "And this one is +Sarah? Well, how is----?" + +"Yes, 'm; dis one was Sairey." We just caught the past tense. + +"You get them so quickly, you see, you can't expect one to remember +them," said Mrs. Meriwether, frigidly. She meant to impress Jabez; but +Jabez remained serene. + +"Yes, 'm; dat 's so," said he, cheerfully. "I kin hardly remember 'em +myself." + +"No, I suppose not." His mistress grew severe. "Well, how 's Sarah?" + +"Well, m'm, I could n' exactly say--Sairey she 's done lef me--yes, 'm." +He looked so cheerful that his mistress said with asperity: + +"Left you! She has run off, too! You must have treated her badly?" + +"No, 'm. I did n'. I never had a wife I treated better. I let her had +all she could eat; an' when she was sick----" + +"I heard she was sick. I heard you sent for the doctor." + +"Yes, 'm; dat I did--dat 's what I was gwine to tell you. I had a doctor +to see her _twice_. I had two separate and _indifferent_ physicians: +fust Dr. Overall, an' den Marse Douglas. I could n' do no mo' 'n dat, +now, could I?" + +"Well, I don't know," observed Mrs. Meriwether. "My son told me a week +ago that she was sick. Did she get well?" + +The old man shook his head solemnly. + +"No, 'm; but she went mighty easy. Marse Douglas he eased her off. He is +the bes' doctor I ever see to let 'em die easy." + +Mingled with her horror at his cold-blooded recital, a smile flickered +about Mrs. Meriwether's mouth at this shot at her son, the doctor; but +the old man looked absolutely innocent. + +"Why did n 't you send for the doctor again?" she demanded. + +"Well, m'm, I gin her two chances. I think dat was 'nough. I wuz right +fond o' Sairey; but I declar' I 'd rather lost Sairey than to _broke_." + +"You would!" Mrs. Meriwether sat up and began to bristle. "Well, at +least, you have the expense of her funeral; and I 'm glad of it," she +asserted with severity. + +"Dat 's what I come over t' see you 'bout. I 'm gwine to give Sairey a +fine fun'ral. I want you to let yo' cook cook me a cake an'--one or two +more little things." + +"Very well," said Mrs. Meriwether, relenting somewhat; "I will tell her +to do so. I will tell her to make you a good cake. When do you want it?" + +"Thank you m'm. Yes, m'm; ef you 'll gi' me a right good-sized +cake--an'--a loaf or two of flour-bread--an'--a ham, I 'll be very much +obleeged to you. I heah she 's a mighty good cook?" + +"She is," said Mrs. Meriwether; "the best I 've had in a long time." +She had not caught the tone of interrogation in his voice, nor seen the +shrewd look in his face, as I had done. Jabez appeared well satisfied. + +"I 'm mighty glad to heah you give her sech a good character; I heahed +you 'd do it. I don' know her very well." + +Mrs. Meriwether looked up quickly enough to catch his glance this time. + +"Jabez--I know nothing about her character," she began coldly. "I know +she has a vile temper; but she is an excellent cook, and so long as she +is not impudent to me, that is all I want to know." + +Jabez bowed approvingly. + +"Yes, 'm; dat 's right. Dat 's all I want t' know. I don' keer nothin' +'bout de temper; atter I git 'em, I kin manage 'em. I jist want t' +know 'bout de char-cter, dat 's all. I did n' know her so well, an' +I thought I 'd ax you. I tolt her ef you 'd give her a good char-cter, +she might suit me; but I 'd wait fer de cake--_an_' de ham." + +His mistress rose to her feet. + +"Jabez, do you mean that you have spoken to that woman already!" + +"Well, yes, 'm; but not to say _speak_ to her. I jes kind o' mentioned +it to her as I 'd inquire as to her char-cter." + +"And your wife has been gone--how long! Two days!" + +"Well, mist'is, she 's gone fer good, ain't she!" demanded Jabez. "She +can't be no mo' gone!" + +"You are a wicked, hardened old sinner!" declared the old lady, +vehemently. + +"Nor, I ain't, mist'is; I clar' I ain't," protested Jabez, with +unruffled front. + +"You treat your wives dreadfully." + +"Nor, I don't, mist'is. You ax 'em ef I does. Ef I did, dee would n' +be so many of 'em anxious t' git me. Now, would dee? I can start in an' +beat a' one o' dese young bloods aroin' heah, now." He spoke with pride. + +"I believe that is so, and I cannot understand it. And before one +of them is in her grave you are courting another. It is horrid--an +old--Methuselah like you." She paused to take breath, and Jabez availed +himself of the pause. + +"Dat 's de reason I got t' do things in a kind o' hurry--I ain' no +Methuselum. I got no time t' wait." + +"Jabez," said Mrs. Meriwether, seriously, "tell me how you manage to +fool all these women." + +The old man pondered for a moment. + +"Well, I declar,' mist'is, I hardly knows how. Dee wants to be fooled. +I think it is becuz dee wants t' see what de urrs marry me fer, an' what +dee done lef' me. Woman is mighty curi-some folk." + +I have often wondered since if this was really the reason. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Old Jabe's Marital Experiments, by +Thomas Nelson Page + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + +***** This file should be named 23513-8.txt or 23513-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/5/1/23513/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Old Jabe's Marital Experiments + 1908 + +Author: Thomas Nelson Page + +Release Date: November 16, 2007 [EBook #23513] +Last Updated: March 8, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS + </h1> + <h2> + By Thomas Nelson Page <br /> <br /> Charles Scribner's Sons New York, 1908 + <br /><br /> Copyright, 1891, 1904, 1906 + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + Old Jabe belonged to the Meriwethers, a fact which he never forgot or + allowed anyone else to forget; and on this he traded as a capital, which + paid him many dividends of one kind or another, among them being a + dividend in wives. How many wives he had had no one knew; and Jabe's own + account was incredible. It would have eclipsed Henry VIII and Bluebeard. + But making all due allowance for his arithmetic, he must have run these + worthies a close second. He had not been a specially good “hand” before + the war, and was generally on unfriendly terms with the overseers. They + used to say that he was a “slick-tongued loafer,” and “the laziest nigger + on the place.” But Jabe declared, in defiance, that he had been on the + plantation before any overseer ever put his foot there, and he would + outstay the last one of them all, which, indeed, proved to be true. The + overseers disappeared with the end of Slavery, but Jabe remained + “slick-tongued,” oily, and humorous, as before. + </p> + <p> + When, at the close of the war, the other negroes moved away, Jabez, after + a brief outing, “took up” a few acres on the far edge of the plantation, + several miles from the house, and settled down to spend the rest of his + days, on what he called his “place,” in such ease as constant application + to his old mistress for aid and a frequently renewed supply of wives could + give. + </p> + <p> + Jabe's idea of emancipation was somewhat one-sided. He had all the + privileges of a freed-man, but lost none of a slave. He was free, but his + master's condition remained unchanged: he still had to support him, when + Jabez chose to call on him, and Jabez chose to call often. + </p> + <p> + “Ef I don' come to you, who is I got to go to!” he demanded. + </p> + <p> + This was admitted to be a valid argument, and Jabez lived, if not on the + fat of the land, at least on the fat of his former mistress's kitchen, + with such aid as his current wife could furnish. + </p> + <p> + He had had several wives before the war, and was reputed to be none too + good to them, a fact which was known at home only on hearsay; for he + always took his wives from plantations at a distance from his home. + </p> + <p> + The overseers said that he did this so that he could get off to go to his + “wife's house,” and thus shirk work; the other servants said it was + because the women did not know him so well as those at home, and he could + leave them when he chose. + </p> + <p> + Jabez assigned a different reason: + </p> + <p> + “It don' do to have your wife live too nigh to you; she 'll want t' know + too much about you, an' you can't never git away from her”—a bit of + philosophy the soundness of which must be left to married men. + </p> + <p> + However it was, his reputation did not interfere with his ability to + procure a new wife as often as occasion arose. With Jabez the supply was + ever equal to the demand. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Meriwether, his old mistress, was just telling me of him one day in + reply to a question of mine as to what had become of him; for I had known + him before the war. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! he is living still, and he bids fair to outlast the whole colored + female sex. He is a perfect Bluebeard. He has had I do not know how many + wives and I heard that his last wife was sick. They sent for my son, + Douglas, the doctor, not long ago to see her. However, I hope she is + better as he has not been sent for again.” + </p> + <p> + At this moment, by a coincidence, the name of Jabez was brought in by a + maid. + </p> + <p> + “Unc' Jabez, m'm.” + </p> + <p> + That was all; but the tone and the manner of the maid told that Jabez was + a person of note with the messenger; every movement and glance were + self-conscious. + </p> + <p> + “That old—! He is a nuisance! What does he want now? Is his wife + worse, or is he after a new one?” + </p> + <p> + “I d' n' kn', m'm,” said the maid, sheepishly, twisting her body and + looking away, to appear unconcerned. “Would n' tell me. He ain' after <i>me!</i> + </p> + <p> + “Well, tell him to go to the kitchen till I send for him. Or—wait: + if his wife 's gone, he 'll be courting the cook if I send him to the + kitchen. And I don't want to lose her just now. Tell him to come to the + door.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm.” The maid gave a half-suppressed giggle, which almost became an + explosion as she said something to herself and closed the door. It sounded + like, “Dressed up might'ly—settin' up to de cook now, I b'lieve.” + </p> + <p> + There was a slow, heavy step without, and a knock at the back door; and on + a call from his mistress, Jabez entered, bowing low, very pompous and + serious. He was a curious mixture of assurance and conciliation, as he + stood there, hat in hand. He was tall and black and bald, with white + side-whiskers cut very short, and a rim of white wool around his head. He + was dressed in an old black coat, and held in his hand an ancient beaver + hat around which was a piece of rusty crape. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Jabez?” said his mistress, after the salutations were over, “How + are you getting along!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, mist'is, not very well, not at all well, ma'am. Had mighty bad + luck. 'Bout my wife,” he added, explanatorily. He pulled down his lips, + and looked the picture of solemnity. + </p> + <p> + I saw from Mrs. Meriwether's mystified look that she did not know what he + considered “bad luck.” She could not tell from his reference whether his + wife was better or worse. + </p> + <p> + “Is she—ah? What—oh—how is Amanda?” she demanded + finally, to solve the mystery. + </p> + <p> + “Mandy! Lord! 'm, 'Mandy was two back. She 's de one runned away wid Tom + Halleck, an' lef' me. I don't know how <i>she</i> is. I never went ahter + her. I wuz re-ally glad to git shet o' her. She was too expansive. Dat + ooman want two frocks a year. When dese women begin to dress up so much, a + man got to look out. Dee ain't always dressin' fer <i>you!</i>” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed!” But Mrs. Meriwether's irony was lost on Jabez. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dat she did! Dis one 's name was Sairey.” He folded his hands + and waited, the picture of repose and contentment. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, yes. So; true. I 'd forgotten that 'Mandy left you. But I thought the + new one was named Susan!” observed Mrs. Meriwether. + </p> + <p> + “No, 'm; not de <i>newes</i>' one. Susan—I had her las' Christmas; + but she would n' stay wid me. She was al'ays runnin' off to town; an' you + know a man don' want a ooman on wheels. Ef de Lawd had intended a ooman to + have wheels, he 'd 'a' gi'n 'em to her, would n' he?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I suppose he would,” assented Mrs. Meriwether. “And this one is + Sarah? Well, how is——?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dis one was Sairey.” We just caught the past tense. + </p> + <p> + “You get them so quickly, you see, you can't expect one to remember them,” + said Mrs. Meriwether, frigidly. She meant to impress Jabez; but Jabez + remained serene. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dat 's so,” said he, cheerfully. “I kin hardly remember 'em + myself.” + </p> + <p> + “No, I suppose not.” His mistress grew severe. “Well, how 's Sarah?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, m'm, I could n' exactly say—Sairey she 's done lef me—yes, + 'm.” He looked so cheerful that his mistress said with asperity: + </p> + <p> + “Left you! She has run off, too! You must have treated her badly?” + </p> + <p> + “No, 'm. I did n'. I never had a wife I treated better. I let her had all + she could eat; an' when she was sick——” + </p> + <p> + “I heard she was sick. I heard you sent for the doctor.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dat I did—dat 's what I was gwine to tell you. I had a + doctor to see her <i>twice</i>. I had two separate and <i>indifferent</i> + physicians: fust Dr. Overall, an' den Marse Douglas. I could n' do no mo' + 'n dat, now, could I?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I don't know,” observed Mrs. Meriwether. “My son told me a week ago + that she was sick. Did she get well?” + </p> + <p> + The old man shook his head solemnly. + </p> + <p> + “No, 'm; but she went mighty easy. Marse Douglas he eased her off. He is + the bes' doctor I ever see to let 'em die easy.” + </p> + <p> + Mingled with her horror at his cold-blooded recital, a smile flickered + about Mrs. Meriwether's mouth at this shot at her son, the doctor; but the + old man looked absolutely innocent. + </p> + <p> + “Why did n 't you send for the doctor again?” she demanded. + </p> + <p> + “Well, m'm, I gin her two chances. I think dat was 'nough. I wuz right + fond o' Sairey; but I declar' I 'd rather lost Sairey than to <i>broke</i>.” + </p> + <p> + “You would!” Mrs. Meriwether sat up and began to bristle. “Well, at least, + you have the expense of her funeral; and I 'm glad of it,” she asserted + with severity. + </p> + <p> + “Dat 's what I come over t' see you 'bout. I 'm gwine to give Sairey a + fine fun'ral. I want you to let yo' cook cook me a cake an'—one or + two more little things.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well,” said Mrs. Meriwether, relenting somewhat; “I will tell her to + do so. I will tell her to make you a good cake. When do you want it?” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you m'm. Yes, m'm; ef you 'll gi' me a right good-sized cake—an'—a + loaf or two of flour-bread—an'—a ham, I 'll be very much + obleeged to you. I heah she 's a mighty good cook?” + </p> + <p> + “She is,” said Mrs. Meriwether; “the best I 've had in a long time.” She + had not caught the tone of interrogation in his voice, nor seen the shrewd + look in his face, as I had done. Jabez appeared well satisfied. + </p> + <p> + “I 'm mighty glad to heah you give her sech a good character; I heahed you + 'd do it. I don' know her very well.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Meriwether looked up quickly enough to catch his glance this time. + </p> + <p> + “Jabez—I know nothing about her character,” she began coldly. “I + know she has a vile temper; but she is an excellent cook, and so long as + she is not impudent to me, that is all I want to know.” + </p> + <p> + Jabez bowed approvingly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dat 's right. Dat 's all I want t' know. I don' keer nothin' + 'bout de temper; atter I git 'em, I kin manage 'em. I jist want t' know + 'bout de char-àcter, dat 's all. I did n' know her so well, an' I thought + I 'd ax you. I tolt her ef you 'd give her a good char-àcter, she might + suit me; but I 'd wait fer de cake—<i>an</i>' de ham.” + </p> + <p> + His mistress rose to her feet. + </p> + <p> + “Jabez, do you mean that you have spoken to that woman already!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, yes, 'm; but not to say <i>speak</i> to her. I jes kind o' + mentioned it to her as I 'd inquire as to her char-àcter.” + </p> + <p> + “And your wife has been gone—how long! Two days!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, mist'is, she 's gone fer good, ain't she!” demanded Jabez. “She + can't be no mo' gone!” + </p> + <p> + “You are a wicked, hardened old sinner!” declared the old lady, + vehemently. + </p> + <p> + “Nor, I ain't, mist'is; I clar' I ain't,” protested Jabez, with unruffled + front. + </p> + <p> + “You treat your wives dreadfully.” + </p> + <p> + “Nor, I don't, mist'is. You ax 'em ef I does. Ef I did, dee would n' be so + many of 'em anxious t' git me. Now, would dee? I can start in an' beat a' + one o' dese young bloods aroin' heah, now.” He spoke with pride. + </p> + <p> + “I believe that is so, and I cannot understand it. And before one of them + is in her grave you are courting another. It is horrid—an old—Methuselah + like you.” She paused to take breath, and Jabez availed himself of the + pause. + </p> + <p> + “Dat 's de reason I got t' do things in a kind o' hurry—I ain' no + Methuselum. I got no time t' wait.” + </p> + <p> + “Jabez,” said Mrs. Meriwether, seriously, “tell me how you manage to fool + all these women.” + </p> + <p> + The old man pondered for a moment. + </p> + <p> + “Well, I declar,' mist'is, I hardly knows how. Dee wants to be fooled. I + think it is becuz dee wants t' see what de urrs marry me fer, an' what dee + done lef' me. Woman is mighty curi-some folk.” + </p> + <p> + I have often wondered since if this was really the reason. + </p> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Old Jabe's Marital Experiments, by +Thomas Nelson Page + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + +***** This file should be named 23513-h.htm or 23513-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/5/1/23513/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Old Jabe's Marital Experiments + 1908 + +Author: Thomas Nelson Page + +Release Date: November 16, 2007 [EBook #23513] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS + +By Thomas Nelson Page + +Charles Scribner's Sons New York, 1908 + +Copyright, 1891, 1904, 1906 + + +Old Jabe belonged to the Meriwethers, a fact which he never forgot or +allowed anyone else to forget; and on this he traded as a capital, +which paid him many dividends of one kind or another, among them being a +dividend in wives. How many wives he had had no one knew; and Jabe's own +account was incredible. It would have eclipsed Henry VIII and Bluebeard. +But making all due allowance for his arithmetic, he must have run these +worthies a close second. He had not been a specially good "hand" before +the war, and was generally on unfriendly terms with the overseers. +They used to say that he was a "slick-tongued loafer," and "the laziest +nigger on the place." But Jabe declared, in defiance, that he had been +on the plantation before any overseer ever put his foot there, and he +would outstay the last one of them all, which, indeed, proved to be +true. The overseers disappeared with the end of Slavery, but Jabe +remained "slick-tongued," oily, and humorous, as before. + +When, at the close of the war, the other negroes moved away, Jabez, +after a brief outing, "took up" a few acres on the far edge of the +plantation, several miles from the house, and settled down to spend +the rest of his days, on what he called his "place," in such ease +as constant application to his old mistress for aid and a frequently +renewed supply of wives could give. + +Jabe's idea of emancipation was somewhat one-sided. He had all the +privileges of a freed-man, but lost none of a slave. He was free, but +his master's condition remained unchanged: he still had to support him, +when Jabez chose to call on him, and Jabez chose to call often. + +"Ef I don' come to you, who is I got to go to!" he demanded. + +This was admitted to be a valid argument, and Jabez lived, if not on the +fat of the land, at least on the fat of his former mistress's kitchen, +with such aid as his current wife could furnish. + +He had had several wives before the war, and was reputed to be none too +good to them, a fact which was known at home only on hearsay; for he +always took his wives from plantations at a distance from his home. + +The overseers said that he did this so that he could get off to go to +his "wife's house," and thus shirk work; the other servants said it +was because the women did not know him so well as those at home, and he +could leave them when he chose. + +Jabez assigned a different reason: + +"It don' do to have your wife live too nigh to you; she 'll want t' know +too much about you, an' you can't never git away from her"--a bit of +philosophy the soundness of which must be left to married men. + +However it was, his reputation did not interfere with his ability to +procure a new wife as often as occasion arose. With Jabez the supply was +ever equal to the demand. + +Mrs. Meriwether, his old mistress, was just telling me of him one day +in reply to a question of mine as to what had become of him; for I had +known him before the war. + +"Oh! he is living still, and he bids fair to outlast the whole colored +female sex. He is a perfect Bluebeard. He has had I do not know how many +wives and I heard that his last wife was sick. They sent for my son, +Douglas, the doctor, not long ago to see her. However, I hope she is +better as he has not been sent for again." + +At this moment, by a coincidence, the name of Jabez was brought in by a +maid. + +"Unc' Jabez, m'm." + +That was all; but the tone and the manner of the maid told that Jabez +was a person of note with the messenger; every movement and glance were +self-conscious. + +"That old--! He is a nuisance! What does he want now? Is his wife worse, +or is he after a new one?" + +"I d' n' kn', m'm," said the maid, sheepishly, twisting her body and +looking away, to appear unconcerned. "Would n' tell me. He ain' after +_me!_ + +"Well, tell him to go to the kitchen till I send for him. Or--wait: +if his wife 's gone, he 'll be courting the cook if I send him to the +kitchen. And I don't want to lose her just now. Tell him to come to the +door." + +"Yes, 'm." The maid gave a half-suppressed giggle, which almost became +an explosion as she said something to herself and closed the door. +It sounded like, "Dressed up might'ly--settin' up to de cook now, I +b'lieve." + +There was a slow, heavy step without, and a knock at the back door; and +on a call from his mistress, Jabez entered, bowing low, very pompous and +serious. He was a curious mixture of assurance and conciliation, as he +stood there, hat in hand. He was tall and black and bald, with white +side-whiskers cut very short, and a rim of white wool around his head. +He was dressed in an old black coat, and held in his hand an ancient +beaver hat around which was a piece of rusty crape. + +"Well, Jabez?" said his mistress, after the salutations were over, "How +are you getting along!" + +"Well, mist'is, not very well, not at all well, ma'am. Had mighty bad +luck. 'Bout my wife," he added, explanatorily. He pulled down his lips, +and looked the picture of solemnity. + +I saw from Mrs. Meriwether's mystified look that she did not know what +he considered "bad luck." She could not tell from his reference whether +his wife was better or worse. + +"Is she--ah? What--oh--how is Amanda?" she demanded finally, to solve +the mystery. + +"Mandy! Lord! 'm, 'Mandy was two back. She 's de one runned away wid Tom +Halleck, an' lef' me. I don't know how _she_ is. I never went ahter +her. I wuz re-ally glad to git shet o' her. She was too expansive. Dat +ooman want two frocks a year. When dese women begin to dress up so much, +a man got to look out. Dee ain't always dressin' fer _you!_" + +"Indeed!" But Mrs. Meriwether's irony was lost on Jabez. + +"Yes, 'm; dat she did! Dis one 's name was Sairey." He folded his hands +and waited, the picture of repose and contentment. + +"Oh, yes. So; true. I 'd forgotten that 'Mandy left you. But I thought +the new one was named Susan!" observed Mrs. Meriwether. + +"No, 'm; not de _newes_' one. Susan--I had her las' Christmas; but she +would n' stay wid me. She was al'ays runnin' off to town; an' you know a +man don' want a ooman on wheels. Ef de Lawd had intended a ooman to have +wheels, he 'd 'a' gi'n 'em to her, would n' he?" + +"Well, I suppose he would," assented Mrs. Meriwether. "And this one is +Sarah? Well, how is----?" + +"Yes, 'm; dis one was Sairey." We just caught the past tense. + +"You get them so quickly, you see, you can't expect one to remember +them," said Mrs. Meriwether, frigidly. She meant to impress Jabez; but +Jabez remained serene. + +"Yes, 'm; dat 's so," said he, cheerfully. "I kin hardly remember 'em +myself." + +"No, I suppose not." His mistress grew severe. "Well, how 's Sarah?" + +"Well, m'm, I could n' exactly say--Sairey she 's done lef me--yes, 'm." +He looked so cheerful that his mistress said with asperity: + +"Left you! She has run off, too! You must have treated her badly?" + +"No, 'm. I did n'. I never had a wife I treated better. I let her had +all she could eat; an' when she was sick----" + +"I heard she was sick. I heard you sent for the doctor." + +"Yes, 'm; dat I did--dat 's what I was gwine to tell you. I had a doctor +to see her _twice_. I had two separate and _indifferent_ physicians: +fust Dr. Overall, an' den Marse Douglas. I could n' do no mo' 'n dat, +now, could I?" + +"Well, I don't know," observed Mrs. Meriwether. "My son told me a week +ago that she was sick. Did she get well?" + +The old man shook his head solemnly. + +"No, 'm; but she went mighty easy. Marse Douglas he eased her off. He is +the bes' doctor I ever see to let 'em die easy." + +Mingled with her horror at his cold-blooded recital, a smile flickered +about Mrs. Meriwether's mouth at this shot at her son, the doctor; but +the old man looked absolutely innocent. + +"Why did n 't you send for the doctor again?" she demanded. + +"Well, m'm, I gin her two chances. I think dat was 'nough. I wuz right +fond o' Sairey; but I declar' I 'd rather lost Sairey than to _broke_." + +"You would!" Mrs. Meriwether sat up and began to bristle. "Well, at +least, you have the expense of her funeral; and I 'm glad of it," she +asserted with severity. + +"Dat 's what I come over t' see you 'bout. I 'm gwine to give Sairey a +fine fun'ral. I want you to let yo' cook cook me a cake an'--one or two +more little things." + +"Very well," said Mrs. Meriwether, relenting somewhat; "I will tell her +to do so. I will tell her to make you a good cake. When do you want it?" + +"Thank you m'm. Yes, m'm; ef you 'll gi' me a right good-sized +cake--an'--a loaf or two of flour-bread--an'--a ham, I 'll be very much +obleeged to you. I heah she 's a mighty good cook?" + +"She is," said Mrs. Meriwether; "the best I 've had in a long time." +She had not caught the tone of interrogation in his voice, nor seen the +shrewd look in his face, as I had done. Jabez appeared well satisfied. + +"I 'm mighty glad to heah you give her sech a good character; I heahed +you 'd do it. I don' know her very well." + +Mrs. Meriwether looked up quickly enough to catch his glance this time. + +"Jabez--I know nothing about her character," she began coldly. "I know +she has a vile temper; but she is an excellent cook, and so long as she +is not impudent to me, that is all I want to know." + +Jabez bowed approvingly. + +"Yes, 'm; dat 's right. Dat 's all I want t' know. I don' keer nothin' +'bout de temper; atter I git 'em, I kin manage 'em. I jist want t' +know 'bout de char-acter, dat 's all. I did n' know her so well, an' +I thought I 'd ax you. I tolt her ef you 'd give her a good char-acter, +she might suit me; but I 'd wait fer de cake--_an_' de ham." + +His mistress rose to her feet. + +"Jabez, do you mean that you have spoken to that woman already!" + +"Well, yes, 'm; but not to say _speak_ to her. I jes kind o' mentioned +it to her as I 'd inquire as to her char-acter." + +"And your wife has been gone--how long! Two days!" + +"Well, mist'is, she 's gone fer good, ain't she!" demanded Jabez. "She +can't be no mo' gone!" + +"You are a wicked, hardened old sinner!" declared the old lady, +vehemently. + +"Nor, I ain't, mist'is; I clar' I ain't," protested Jabez, with +unruffled front. + +"You treat your wives dreadfully." + +"Nor, I don't, mist'is. You ax 'em ef I does. Ef I did, dee would n' +be so many of 'em anxious t' git me. Now, would dee? I can start in an' +beat a' one o' dese young bloods aroin' heah, now." He spoke with pride. + +"I believe that is so, and I cannot understand it. And before one +of them is in her grave you are courting another. It is horrid--an +old--Methuselah like you." She paused to take breath, and Jabez availed +himself of the pause. + +"Dat 's de reason I got t' do things in a kind o' hurry--I ain' no +Methuselum. I got no time t' wait." + +"Jabez," said Mrs. Meriwether, seriously, "tell me how you manage to +fool all these women." + +The old man pondered for a moment. + +"Well, I declar,' mist'is, I hardly knows how. Dee wants to be fooled. +I think it is becuz dee wants t' see what de urrs marry me fer, an' what +dee done lef' me. Woman is mighty curi-some folk." + +I have often wondered since if this was really the reason. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Old Jabe's Marital Experiments, by +Thomas Nelson Page + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + +***** This file should be named 23513.txt or 23513.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/5/1/23513/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Old Jabe's Marital Experiments + 1908 + +Author: Thomas Nelson Page + +Release Date: November 16, 2007 [EBook #23513] +Last Updated: March 8, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS + </h1> + <h2> + By Thomas Nelson Page <br /> <br /> Charles Scribner's Sons New York, 1908 + <br /><br /> Copyright, 1891, 1904, 1906 + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /><br /> + </p> + <p> + Old Jabe belonged to the Meriwethers, a fact which he never forgot or + allowed anyone else to forget; and on this he traded as a capital, which + paid him many dividends of one kind or another, among them being a + dividend in wives. How many wives he had had no one knew; and Jabe's own + account was incredible. It would have eclipsed Henry VIII and Bluebeard. + But making all due allowance for his arithmetic, he must have run these + worthies a close second. He had not been a specially good “hand” before + the war, and was generally on unfriendly terms with the overseers. They + used to say that he was a “slick-tongued loafer,” and “the laziest nigger + on the place.” But Jabe declared, in defiance, that he had been on the + plantation before any overseer ever put his foot there, and he would + outstay the last one of them all, which, indeed, proved to be true. The + overseers disappeared with the end of Slavery, but Jabe remained + “slick-tongued,” oily, and humorous, as before. + </p> + <p> + When, at the close of the war, the other negroes moved away, Jabez, after + a brief outing, “took up” a few acres on the far edge of the plantation, + several miles from the house, and settled down to spend the rest of his + days, on what he called his “place,” in such ease as constant application + to his old mistress for aid and a frequently renewed supply of wives could + give. + </p> + <p> + Jabe's idea of emancipation was somewhat one-sided. He had all the + privileges of a freed-man, but lost none of a slave. He was free, but his + master's condition remained unchanged: he still had to support him, when + Jabez chose to call on him, and Jabez chose to call often. + </p> + <p> + “Ef I don' come to you, who is I got to go to!” he demanded. + </p> + <p> + This was admitted to be a valid argument, and Jabez lived, if not on the + fat of the land, at least on the fat of his former mistress's kitchen, + with such aid as his current wife could furnish. + </p> + <p> + He had had several wives before the war, and was reputed to be none too + good to them, a fact which was known at home only on hearsay; for he + always took his wives from plantations at a distance from his home. + </p> + <p> + The overseers said that he did this so that he could get off to go to his + “wife's house,” and thus shirk work; the other servants said it was + because the women did not know him so well as those at home, and he could + leave them when he chose. + </p> + <p> + Jabez assigned a different reason: + </p> + <p> + “It don' do to have your wife live too nigh to you; she 'll want t' know + too much about you, an' you can't never git away from her”—a bit of + philosophy the soundness of which must be left to married men. + </p> + <p> + However it was, his reputation did not interfere with his ability to + procure a new wife as often as occasion arose. With Jabez the supply was + ever equal to the demand. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Meriwether, his old mistress, was just telling me of him one day in + reply to a question of mine as to what had become of him; for I had known + him before the war. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! he is living still, and he bids fair to outlast the whole colored + female sex. He is a perfect Bluebeard. He has had I do not know how many + wives and I heard that his last wife was sick. They sent for my son, + Douglas, the doctor, not long ago to see her. However, I hope she is + better as he has not been sent for again.” + </p> + <p> + At this moment, by a coincidence, the name of Jabez was brought in by a + maid. + </p> + <p> + “Unc' Jabez, m'm.” + </p> + <p> + That was all; but the tone and the manner of the maid told that Jabez was + a person of note with the messenger; every movement and glance were + self-conscious. + </p> + <p> + “That old—! He is a nuisance! What does he want now? Is his wife + worse, or is he after a new one?” + </p> + <p> + “I d' n' kn', m'm,” said the maid, sheepishly, twisting her body and + looking away, to appear unconcerned. “Would n' tell me. He ain' after <i>me!</i> + </p> + <p> + “Well, tell him to go to the kitchen till I send for him. Or—wait: + if his wife 's gone, he 'll be courting the cook if I send him to the + kitchen. And I don't want to lose her just now. Tell him to come to the + door.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm.” The maid gave a half-suppressed giggle, which almost became an + explosion as she said something to herself and closed the door. It sounded + like, “Dressed up might'ly—settin' up to de cook now, I b'lieve.” + </p> + <p> + There was a slow, heavy step without, and a knock at the back door; and on + a call from his mistress, Jabez entered, bowing low, very pompous and + serious. He was a curious mixture of assurance and conciliation, as he + stood there, hat in hand. He was tall and black and bald, with white + side-whiskers cut very short, and a rim of white wool around his head. He + was dressed in an old black coat, and held in his hand an ancient beaver + hat around which was a piece of rusty crape. + </p> + <p> + “Well, Jabez?” said his mistress, after the salutations were over, “How + are you getting along!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, mist'is, not very well, not at all well, ma'am. Had mighty bad + luck. 'Bout my wife,” he added, explanatorily. He pulled down his lips, + and looked the picture of solemnity. + </p> + <p> + I saw from Mrs. Meriwether's mystified look that she did not know what he + considered “bad luck.” She could not tell from his reference whether his + wife was better or worse. + </p> + <p> + “Is she—ah? What—oh—how is Amanda?” she demanded + finally, to solve the mystery. + </p> + <p> + “Mandy! Lord! 'm, 'Mandy was two back. She 's de one runned away wid Tom + Halleck, an' lef' me. I don't know how <i>she</i> is. I never went ahter + her. I wuz re-ally glad to git shet o' her. She was too expansive. Dat + ooman want two frocks a year. When dese women begin to dress up so much, a + man got to look out. Dee ain't always dressin' fer <i>you!</i>” + </p> + <p> + “Indeed!” But Mrs. Meriwether's irony was lost on Jabez. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dat she did! Dis one 's name was Sairey.” He folded his hands + and waited, the picture of repose and contentment. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, yes. So; true. I 'd forgotten that 'Mandy left you. But I thought the + new one was named Susan!” observed Mrs. Meriwether. + </p> + <p> + “No, 'm; not de <i>newes</i>' one. Susan—I had her las' Christmas; + but she would n' stay wid me. She was al'ays runnin' off to town; an' you + know a man don' want a ooman on wheels. Ef de Lawd had intended a ooman to + have wheels, he 'd 'a' gi'n 'em to her, would n' he?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I suppose he would,” assented Mrs. Meriwether. “And this one is + Sarah? Well, how is——?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dis one was Sairey.” We just caught the past tense. + </p> + <p> + “You get them so quickly, you see, you can't expect one to remember them,” + said Mrs. Meriwether, frigidly. She meant to impress Jabez; but Jabez + remained serene. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dat 's so,” said he, cheerfully. “I kin hardly remember 'em + myself.” + </p> + <p> + “No, I suppose not.” His mistress grew severe. “Well, how 's Sarah?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, m'm, I could n' exactly say—Sairey she 's done lef me—yes, + 'm.” He looked so cheerful that his mistress said with asperity: + </p> + <p> + “Left you! She has run off, too! You must have treated her badly?” + </p> + <p> + “No, 'm. I did n'. I never had a wife I treated better. I let her had all + she could eat; an' when she was sick——” + </p> + <p> + “I heard she was sick. I heard you sent for the doctor.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dat I did—dat 's what I was gwine to tell you. I had a + doctor to see her <i>twice</i>. I had two separate and <i>indifferent</i> + physicians: fust Dr. Overall, an' den Marse Douglas. I could n' do no mo' + 'n dat, now, could I?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, I don't know,” observed Mrs. Meriwether. “My son told me a week ago + that she was sick. Did she get well?” + </p> + <p> + The old man shook his head solemnly. + </p> + <p> + “No, 'm; but she went mighty easy. Marse Douglas he eased her off. He is + the bes' doctor I ever see to let 'em die easy.” + </p> + <p> + Mingled with her horror at his cold-blooded recital, a smile flickered + about Mrs. Meriwether's mouth at this shot at her son, the doctor; but the + old man looked absolutely innocent. + </p> + <p> + “Why did n 't you send for the doctor again?” she demanded. + </p> + <p> + “Well, m'm, I gin her two chances. I think dat was 'nough. I wuz right + fond o' Sairey; but I declar' I 'd rather lost Sairey than to <i>broke</i>.” + </p> + <p> + “You would!” Mrs. Meriwether sat up and began to bristle. “Well, at least, + you have the expense of her funeral; and I 'm glad of it,” she asserted + with severity. + </p> + <p> + “Dat 's what I come over t' see you 'bout. I 'm gwine to give Sairey a + fine fun'ral. I want you to let yo' cook cook me a cake an'—one or + two more little things.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well,” said Mrs. Meriwether, relenting somewhat; “I will tell her to + do so. I will tell her to make you a good cake. When do you want it?” + </p> + <p> + “Thank you m'm. Yes, m'm; ef you 'll gi' me a right good-sized cake—an'—a + loaf or two of flour-bread—an'—a ham, I 'll be very much + obleeged to you. I heah she 's a mighty good cook?” + </p> + <p> + “She is,” said Mrs. Meriwether; “the best I 've had in a long time.” She + had not caught the tone of interrogation in his voice, nor seen the shrewd + look in his face, as I had done. Jabez appeared well satisfied. + </p> + <p> + “I 'm mighty glad to heah you give her sech a good character; I heahed you + 'd do it. I don' know her very well.” + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Meriwether looked up quickly enough to catch his glance this time. + </p> + <p> + “Jabez—I know nothing about her character,” she began coldly. “I + know she has a vile temper; but she is an excellent cook, and so long as + she is not impudent to me, that is all I want to know.” + </p> + <p> + Jabez bowed approvingly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, 'm; dat 's right. Dat 's all I want t' know. I don' keer nothin' + 'bout de temper; atter I git 'em, I kin manage 'em. I jist want t' know + 'bout de char-àcter, dat 's all. I did n' know her so well, an' I thought + I 'd ax you. I tolt her ef you 'd give her a good char-àcter, she might + suit me; but I 'd wait fer de cake—<i>an</i>' de ham.” + </p> + <p> + His mistress rose to her feet. + </p> + <p> + “Jabez, do you mean that you have spoken to that woman already!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, yes, 'm; but not to say <i>speak</i> to her. I jes kind o' + mentioned it to her as I 'd inquire as to her char-àcter.” + </p> + <p> + “And your wife has been gone—how long! Two days!” + </p> + <p> + “Well, mist'is, she 's gone fer good, ain't she!” demanded Jabez. “She + can't be no mo' gone!” + </p> + <p> + “You are a wicked, hardened old sinner!” declared the old lady, + vehemently. + </p> + <p> + “Nor, I ain't, mist'is; I clar' I ain't,” protested Jabez, with unruffled + front. + </p> + <p> + “You treat your wives dreadfully.” + </p> + <p> + “Nor, I don't, mist'is. You ax 'em ef I does. Ef I did, dee would n' be so + many of 'em anxious t' git me. Now, would dee? I can start in an' beat a' + one o' dese young bloods aroin' heah, now.” He spoke with pride. + </p> + <p> + “I believe that is so, and I cannot understand it. And before one of them + is in her grave you are courting another. It is horrid—an old—Methuselah + like you.” She paused to take breath, and Jabez availed himself of the + pause. + </p> + <p> + “Dat 's de reason I got t' do things in a kind o' hurry—I ain' no + Methuselum. I got no time t' wait.” + </p> + <p> + “Jabez,” said Mrs. Meriwether, seriously, “tell me how you manage to fool + all these women.” + </p> + <p> + The old man pondered for a moment. + </p> + <p> + “Well, I declar,' mist'is, I hardly knows how. Dee wants to be fooled. I + think it is becuz dee wants t' see what de urrs marry me fer, an' what dee + done lef' me. Woman is mighty curi-some folk.” + </p> + <p> + I have often wondered since if this was really the reason. + </p> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Old Jabe's Marital Experiments, by +Thomas Nelson Page + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OLD JABE'S MARITAL EXPERIMENTS *** + +***** This file should be named 23513-h.htm or 23513-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/5/1/23513/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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