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+  <head>
+    <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" />
+    <title>
+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Why They Married, by James Montgomery Flagg
+    </title>
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Why They Married, by James Montgomery Flagg
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Why They Married
+
+Author: James Montgomery Flagg
+
+Release Date: November 24, 2007 [EBook #23611]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHY THEY MARRIED ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by K. Nordquist, Jacqueline Jeremy and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+<div class="bbox2">
+<h1 class="title">WHY THEY MARRIED</h1>
+<p class="title"><small>TEXT AND ILLUSTRATIONS</small><br />
+<small>BY</small><br /><br />
+JAMES MONTGOMERY FLAGG</p>
+<div class="figcenter3" style="width: 150px;">
+<img src="images/i-003.jpg" width="150" height="210" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<p class="pub"><span class="smcap">new york</span><br />
+<span class="smcap">life publishing company</span><br />
+<small><span class="smcap">1906</span></small></p>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<h3><em>Copyright 1906</em><br />
+LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY</h3>
+<hr class="hr1" />
+<h5>BRITISH COPYRIGHT SECURED</h5>
+<hr class="hr2" />
+<h5 class="b">ALL RIGHTS RESERVED</h5>
+
+
+
+
+<h3 class="b">DEDICATED<br />
+<span class="smcap">TO SEVERAL OBLIGING MARRIED COUPLES<br />
+WHO HAVE POSED<br />
+FOR SOME OF THESE PORTRAITS</span></h3>
+
+
+
+
+<div class="poem block20">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Don&#8217;t be ashamed to let us know</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Why you tried matrimony,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">For others brave the under-tow</span><br />
+<span class="i2">For reasons quite as funny;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">We give these little facts away,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Perhaps it is a treason,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Don&#8217;t marry in an off-hand way,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Be sure &#8220;there&#8217;s a reason!&#8221;</span>
+<p class="author">THE AUTHOR</p>
+</div>
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr />
+
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;"><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-008.jpg" class="img1" width="300" height="236" alt="Yellow Dog" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 494px;">
+<img src="images/i-009.jpg" width="494" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>STUNG!</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">He was a gentle and sensitive chap,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">He married the forceful Miss Howe,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He wanted her sympathy, did the poor yap&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">He has everyone&#8217;s sympathy now!</span>
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-010.jpg" width="300" height="475" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 484px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-011.jpg" width="484" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>SHE KEPT HER WORD.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Maud hung onto straps in the Subway and &#8220;L,&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">No man ever said &#8220;Take my seat!&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">She swore that she&#8217;d marry the first one who did&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">The next day her husband did meet!</span><br />
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-012.jpg" width="300" height="379" alt="Skiddoo" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 554px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-013.jpg" width="554" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>SKIDDOO!</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">When your wife jams her hat on and packs up her bag</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And says &#8220;I shall go back to mother!&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">If you sniff she will say, &#8220;Just for that I will stay!&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">One excuse is as good as another.</span><br />
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-014.jpg" width="300" height="345" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 523px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-015.jpg" width="523" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>SHE LOOKED SO DOCILE!</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">John Quincy tho&#8217; kindly and gentle, declared:</span><br />
+<span class="i2">&#8220;The man must be master, by gum!&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">But his outlook on life, is just what his dear wife</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Lets him peer at from under her thumb!</span><br />
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-016.jpg" width="300" height="519" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 528px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-017.jpg" width="528" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>NOT A QUITTER.</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Wilhemina&#8217;s bridegroom failed to show up at the church</span><br />
+<span class="i2">So she yanked the driver off the wedding hack,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">And married him in lieu of John, who&#8217;d left her in the lurch</span><br />
+<span class="i2">For she would NOT send the wedding presents back.</span><br />
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-018.jpg" width="300" height="340" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 417px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-019.jpg" width="417" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>EVER KNOW IT TO FAIL?</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">&#8220;I never could marry that kind of a man!&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Said Miss Sue of a fellow named Sid&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">So of course the gods heard her and laughed when they saw,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">&#8217;Twas exactly the kind that she did!</span><br />
+</div></div></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-020.jpg" width="300" height="409" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 480px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-021.jpg" width="480" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>HOW WAS SHE TO KNOW?</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The reason sweet Alice got married to-day&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Sweet Alice, so prettily blushing,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">She hadn&#8217;t the faintest idea that the gent</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Had another wife over in Flushing.</span><br />
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-022.jpg" width="300" height="544" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 527px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-023.jpg" width="527" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>A TONIC.</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Miss Luella Gloaming was naturally glum,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">So she married young Grouch, the recluse;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">For she says when she&#8217;s sad, she just looks at his face&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Then she can&#8217;t help but laugh like the deuce!</span><br />
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-024.jpg" width="300" height="409" alt="2 of clubs" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 485px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-025.jpg" width="485" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>WHY THEY MARRIED.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">This couple before you are husband and wife,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">He looks sorry and just a bit harried;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">It took a mere two-spot to scare him for life,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">At least that&#8217;s the reason he married!</span><br />
+</div></div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 200px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-026.jpg" width="200" height="411" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 587px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-027.jpg" width="587" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>EXPLAINED AT LAST.</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Mr. Pinhead was worth eighty millions,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Miss Nothingbutt had eighty-two;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Why do cash and spondulicks get married?</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Spondulicks and cash always do!</span><br />
+</div></div></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-028.jpg" width="300" height="168" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 543px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-029.jpg" width="543" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>AN OPEN AND SHUT GAME.</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">They heard that people ought to wed</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Their opposites in life;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He finds an opposition where</span><br />
+<span class="i2">He thought he&#8217;d found a wife!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-030.jpg" width="300" height="267" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 555px;">
+<img src="images/i-031.jpg" width="555" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>REALLY SHE DID.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">You never can guess why she married this man,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">There&#8217;s no use the matter to mince,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">She married him merely because he had hair</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Like her lost Pomeranian, &#8220;Prince.&#8221;</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-032.jpg" width="300" height="274" alt="Ta-Da-De-Da!" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 580px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-033.jpg" width="580" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>AND THERE YOU ARE!</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The reason Walter Applepie</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Did wed his Nancy fair,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">She liked the way his mouth curled up&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">He liked her fuzzy hair!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-034.jpg" width="300" height="300" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 515px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-035.jpg" width="515" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>TRUE COMPANIONS.</h2>
+<div class="poem block20">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">These people are mated exactly,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And all that remains is to tell,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">That she is a bully good talker,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And he listens equally well!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-036.jpg" width="300" height="189" alt="Diamonds" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-037.jpg" width="600" height="559" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The reason this chap in the box here</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Made his lady friend Mrs. Van Pelf,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He had a whole car-load of diamonds</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And he couldn&#8217;t well wear them himself!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-038.jpg" width="300" height="391" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 571px;">
+<img src="images/i-039.jpg" width="571" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>SO THOUGHTFUL OF FATHER.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Again to the altar went widower Brown,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">When his grief he could decently smother,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He explained it to every acquaintance in town;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">&#8220;My poor children needed a mother.&#8221;</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-040.jpg" width="300" height="527" alt="$1.98" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 426px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-041.jpg" width="426" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>OLD MERGER AND MAYME.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Why did they marry&#8212;December and June?</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Old Merger and Mayme-out-of-School?</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Mayme didn&#8217;t care for those ready made frocks&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">December was&#8212;just an old fool.</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-042.jpg" width="300" height="326" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 550px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-043.jpg" width="550" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>NOW SHE&#8217;S WAY ABOVE PAR.</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Billy Margin, a broker, did wed Ysobel,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Her shape counted most in his eyes,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Now her figure&#8217;s no more, and Billy is sore,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">For he finds he had bought for a rise!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-044.jpg" width="300" height="295" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 543px;">
+<img src="images/i-045.jpg" width="543" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>AVERTED DANGER.</h2>
+<div class="poem block20">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The reason Jenks married,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">So we are told,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He was &#8217;fraid he&#8217;d be lonely</span><br />
+<span class="i2">When he got old!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-046.jpg" width="300" height="460" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 450px;">
+<img src="images/i-047.jpg" width="450" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>FATE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The rector got married to Annabel Gauze,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">The rector was gentle and good;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He made up his mind that he&#8217;d marry because</span><br />
+<span class="i2">She had made up her mind that he should!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-048.jpg" width="300" height="415" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;">
+<img src="images/i-049.jpg" width="500" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>THE SUN DO MOVE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Petkins wed her Nobby Boy</span><br />
+<span class="i2">In the year of our Lord knows when&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He was once the mold of form</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And she was stylish then!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 230px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-050.jpg" width="230" height="500" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 476px;">
+<img src="images/i-051.jpg" width="476" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>A MATTER OF TASTE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">He married her because she didn&#8217;t swagger like a man,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Nor did she stand with feet apart, toes in,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">She wasn&#8217;t a &#8220;good fellow,&#8221; thickly coated with a tan&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">She was merely lovely, really feminine!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-052.jpg" width="300" height="476" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 603px;">
+<img src="images/i-053.jpg" width="603" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>STRONGER THAN MERE LOVE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">The bond is a strong one that couples this pair,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">A case in which Jill found her Jack,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">This strong binding tie is the joy they both share,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">In ripping their friends up the back!</span><br /></div>
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span></div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<img src="images/i-054.jpg" width="300" height="180" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 562px;">
+<img src="images/i-055.jpg" width="562" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>IN ROUND FIGURES.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Now here is a couple who seem of one mind,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">What on earth made them think they&#8217;d agree?</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Why, he didn&#8217;t care for the lean scraggly kind,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And it&#8217;s funny, but neither did she!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-056.jpg" width="300" height="264" alt="Divorce Mill" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 544px;">
+<img src="images/i-057.jpg" width="544" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>AKIN TO LOVE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block20">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Out of pity married Chaucer,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">She had been upon the shelf,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">For same reason he&#8217;ll divorce her,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Pity&#8212;this time for himself!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-058.jpg" width="300" height="389" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 542px;">
+<img src="images/i-059.jpg" width="542" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>SPORTS!</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">He thought she was wealthy; she thought he was too,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Not thinking each other a grafter,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">They found out between them there wasn&#8217;t a sou&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">So they laughed and lived happily after!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-060.jpg" width="300" height="412" alt="FATE" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 533px;">
+<img src="images/i-061.jpg" width="533" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>INEVITABLE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">This happy young bride is a girl we all know,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Who swore that she never would wed,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">When she&#8217;d been out of school a fortnight or so</span><br />
+<span class="i2">She accepted misogynist Ned!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-062.jpg" width="300" height="336" alt="Three one dime coins" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 540px;">
+<img src="images/i-063.jpg" width="540" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>THEY <span class="u">WILL</span> DO IT!</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Both poor as Job&#8217;s turkey and not overstrong&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Hold a three dollar job the man couldn&#8217;t&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">We are forced to conclude that they married because</span><br />
+<span class="i2">There was every good reason they shouldn&#8217;t!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-064.jpg" width="300" height="450" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 514px;">
+<img src="images/i-065.jpg" width="514" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>NO FALLING OFF.</h2>
+<div class="poem block40">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Paul told her lovely fairy tales when she was but a child,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">She loved him far above all other men.</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Tho&#8217; they&#8217;ve been married quite a while, the tales he tells her now</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Are quite as good as those he told her then!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-066.jpg" width="300" height="671" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 557px;">
+<img src="images/i-067.jpg" width="557" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>WANTED A CHANGE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Young Twentyperr looked carefully before a wife he took,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">His wife would have to know a thing or two,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He wanted to be certain that his spouse knew how to cook</span><br />
+<span class="i2">The way his mother didn&#8217;t use to do!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-068.jpg" width="300" height="357" alt="THIS IS A PEACH" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 434px;">
+<img src="images/i-069.jpg" width="434" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>IT&#8217;S ONLY TOO TRUE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">&#8220;That woman married!&#8221; I hear you exclaim,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Your knowledge of people is small,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">There is always some chump who will whisper &#8220;Je T&#8217;aime!&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">While real peaches are left by the wall!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-070.jpg" width="300" height="308" alt="DEBT" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 473px;">
+<img src="images/i-071.jpg" width="473" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>HIGH FINANCE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Jonas Granitt married and he knew that he was cute,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">A Mrs. Drudge, his housekeeper, no less,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">For he owed her two years wages&#8212;you&#8217;ll admit he was astute,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Now he doesn&#8217;t owe her anything, I guess!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-072.jpg" width="300" height="446" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 504px;">
+<img src="images/i-073.jpg" width="504" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>SHE GOT TIRED OF IT.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">They are married and Maudie looks quite worn out,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">It&#8217;s no wonder&#8212;he pestered her so,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He proposed forty thousand and ninety-six times&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Every time but the last she said &#8220;No!&#8221;</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-074.jpg" width="300" height="257" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 566px;">
+<img src="images/i-075.jpg" width="566" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>SIDE-TRACKED.</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">These people wed in self-defense,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">All social life they missed,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">They found themselves outside the fence,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">For neither played bridge-whist!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-076.jpg" width="300" height="396" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 445px;">
+<img src="images/i-077.jpg" width="445" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>THE BUTTERFLY AND THE ANEMONE.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Mr. Butterfly Flitter was handsome and gay,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Why, he&#8217;d ne&#8217;er given marriage a thought,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">But he dallied too long by a flower one day,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And before he could flit he was caught!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-078.jpg" width="300" height="413" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 533px;">
+<img src="images/i-079.jpg" width="533" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>AHA!</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Pious Mary knew that Jake</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Gambled and drank rum too;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">She married to reform the rake&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Now see what she has come to!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-080.jpg" width="300" height="386" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 579px;">
+<img src="images/i-081.jpg" width="579" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>MR. AND MRS. JOHN SPRATT.</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">She fancied him because she felt a very piquant charm</span><br />
+<span class="i2">In the unexpected awful things he said&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">On her remarks he could depend, they never caused alarm,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">So as they both were pleased, they wed!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-082.jpg" width="300" height="400" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 493px;">
+<img src="images/i-083.jpg" width="493" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>A PRETTY SMOOTH GENTLEMAN.</h2>
+<div class="poem block40">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Mary thought her husband was the finest anywhere,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">He was the satisfaction of her life.</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He knew too much to ever say, &#8220;Why don&#8217;t you dye your hair?&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Or praise another woman to his wife!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-084.jpg" width="300" height="370" alt="DING, DANG, D-DANG" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 517px;">
+<img src="images/i-085.jpg" width="517" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>HOW ABSURDLY ABSURD!</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Mr. Tootles rides on trolley cars a good bit of his life,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">His little wife goes with him for the ride;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">A friend asked why he married such a tiny little wife&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">&#8220;She&#8217;s so easy to get on with!&#8221; he replied.</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 253px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-086.jpg" width="253" height="500" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 540px;">
+<img src="images/i-087.jpg" width="540" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>AND, GREAT SCOTT, HE LIKES IT!</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Steve looked for a captain and not for a mate</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And his friends all agree she was found,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Why, they say that the reason he&#8217;s putting on weight</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Is because she just ordered him &#8217;round!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-088.jpg" width="300" height="475" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 468px;">
+<img src="images/i-089.jpg" width="468" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>DO YOU SEE?</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Intuition, deduction, observation as well,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And a masterful knowledge of life,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">All figure as naught in our efforts to find</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Why this pair became husband and wife!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-090.jpg" width="300" height="324" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 527px;">
+<img src="images/i-091.jpg" width="527" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>LABOR SAVING.</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">When his wife died he married her sister,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">A practical man was McGraw,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">&#8220;In this way,&#8221; he said, &#8220;I&#8217;ve no trouble</span><br />
+<span class="i2">To break in a new mother-in-law.&#8221;</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-092.jpg" width="300" height="404" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 521px;">
+<img src="images/i-093.jpg" width="521" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>MATTER OF FACT.</h2>
+<div class="poem block30">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Bert had known Gladys from childhood,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">From the day of the doll and mud-pie,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">When the time came of course they got married,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">As one puts on one&#8217;s coat or one&#8217;s tie!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-094.jpg" width="300" height="314" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 519px;">
+<img src="images/i-095.jpg" width="519" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>A SHAME TO TAKE THE $.</h2>
+<div class="poem block20">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Young Rebayte, Jr. had a stack,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">A show girl he did wed,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">She married him behind his back,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">For she had turned his head!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 254px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-096.jpg" width="254" height="500" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 496px;">
+<img src="images/i-097.jpg" width="496" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>NEWPORT NEWS.</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Bernard De Lancey and Evelyn Smarte</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Disregarding good taste and the cost,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Got married again&#8212;an affair of the heart&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">They were tired of being divorced!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 226px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-098.jpg" width="226" height="500" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 558px;">
+<img src="images/i-099.jpg" width="558" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>NO OBJECTIONS.</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Izzy Morris Fiddlebaum</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Wed Leah Meyer Rosen,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">For neither had a prejudice</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Against what&#8217;s called &#8220;The Chosen&#8221;!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-100.jpg" width="300" height="461" alt="These Lots will go to the man who marries me" title="THE OWNER" />
+</div>
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 445px;">
+<img src="images/i-101.jpg" width="445" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>HE WANTED THE EARTH!</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Joe married Miss Paula McQuaver,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">And altho&#8217; she was thin and passe,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">She really had lots in her favor&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">About eight city lots on Broadway!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter2" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-102.jpg" width="300" height="449" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 576px;">
+<img src="images/i-103.jpg" width="576" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>QUITE RECKLESS.</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+
+<span class="i0">She loved him for he was so brave,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Yes, in that line quite peerless&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">He married this widow with seven kids&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">By gosh, was not that fearless?</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-104.jpg" width="300" height="407" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 428px;">
+<img src="images/i-105.jpg" width="428" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>SHE HAD POSITION.</h2>
+<div class="poem block35">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Al Higgins thought he married well when he got Sally Brown,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">For very well connected was his &#8220;poil,&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Connected too with all the finest families in the town&#8212;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">By telephone&#8212;She was a &#8220;Hello-Goil&#8221;!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span>
+<img src="images/i-106.jpg" width="300" height="488" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<div class="bbox">
+<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span>
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 555px;">
+<img src="images/i-107.jpg" width="555" height="600" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<h2>&#8220;DON&#8217;T.&#8221;</h2>
+<div class="poem block25">
+<div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">These foolish happy people here,</span><br />
+<span class="i2">Mehitabel and Harry,</span><br />
+<span class="i0">Disdaining quite those words of &#8220;Punch&#8221;</span><br />
+<span class="i2">To those about to marry!</span><br /></div>
+</div></div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Why They Married, by James Montgomery Flagg
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Why They Married, by James Montgomery Flagg
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Why They Married
+
+Author: James Montgomery Flagg
+
+Release Date: November 24, 2007 [EBook #23611]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHY THEY MARRIED ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by K. Nordquist, Jacqueline Jeremy and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
+file was produced from images generously made available
+by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+  WHY THEY MARRIED
+
+  TEXT AND ILLUSTRATIONS
+  BY
+  JAMES MONTGOMERY FLAGG
+
+  NEW YORK
+  LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY
+  1906
+
+
+  _Copyright 1906_
+  LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY
+  BRITISH COPYRIGHT SECURED
+  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
+
+
+
+
+               DEDICATED
+  TO SEVERAL OBLIGING MARRIED COUPLES
+             WHO HAVE POSED
+      FOR SOME OF THESE PORTRAITS
+
+
+
+
+  Don't be ashamed to let us know
+    Why you tried matrimony,
+  For others brave the under-tow
+    For reasons quite as funny;
+  We give these little facts away,
+    Perhaps it is a treason,
+  Don't marry in an off-hand way,
+    Be sure "there's a reason!"
+
+              THE AUTHOR
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: Yellow Dog]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    STUNG!
+
+    He was a gentle and sensitive chap,
+      He married the forceful Miss Howe,
+    He wanted her sympathy, did the poor yap--
+      He has everyone's sympathy now!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SHE KEPT HER WORD.
+
+    Maud hung onto straps in the Subway and "L,"
+      No man ever said "Take my seat!"
+    She swore that she'd marry the first one who did--
+      The next day her husband did meet!
+
+
+[Illustration: Skiddoo]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SKIDDOO!
+
+    When your wife jams her hat on and packs up her bag
+      And says "I shall go back to mother!"
+    If you sniff she will say, "Just for that I will stay!"
+      One excuse is as good as another.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SHE LOOKED SO DOCILE!
+
+    John Quincy tho' kindly and gentle, declared:
+      "The man must be master, by gum!"
+    But his outlook on life, is just what his dear wife
+      Lets him peer at from under her thumb!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NOT A QUITTER.
+
+    Wilhemina's bridegroom failed to show up at the church
+      So she yanked the driver off the wedding hack,
+    And married him in lieu of John, who'd left her in the lurch
+      For she would NOT send the wedding presents back.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    EVER KNOW IT TO FAIL?
+
+    "I never could marry that kind of a man!"
+      Said Miss Sue of a fellow named Sid--
+    So of course the gods heard her and laughed when they saw,
+      'Twas exactly the kind that she did!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    HOW WAS SHE TO KNOW?
+
+    The reason sweet Alice got married to-day--
+      Sweet Alice, so prettily blushing,
+    She hadn't the faintest idea that the gent
+      Had another wife over in Flushing.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    A TONIC.
+
+    Miss Luella Gloaming was naturally glum,
+      So she married young Grouch, the recluse;
+    For she says when she's sad, she just looks at his face--
+      Then she can't help but laugh like the deuce!
+
+
+[Illustration: 2 of clubs]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    WHY THEY MARRIED.
+
+    This couple before you are husband and wife,
+      He looks sorry and just a bit harried;
+    It took a mere two-spot to scare him for life,
+      At least that's the reason he married!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    EXPLAINED AT LAST.
+
+    Mr. Pinhead was worth eighty millions,
+      Miss Nothingbutt had eighty-two;
+    Why do cash and spondulicks get married?
+      Spondulicks and cash always do!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AN OPEN AND SHUT GAME.
+
+    They heard that people ought to wed
+      Their opposites in life;
+    He finds an opposition where
+      He thought he'd found a wife!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    REALLY SHE DID.
+
+    You never can guess why she married this man,
+      There's no use the matter to mince,
+    She married him merely because he had hair
+      Like her lost Pomeranian, "Prince."
+
+
+[Illustration: Ta-Da-De-Da!]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AND THERE YOU ARE!
+
+    The reason Walter Applepie
+      Did wed his Nancy fair,
+    She liked the way his mouth curled up--
+      He liked her fuzzy hair!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    TRUE COMPANIONS.
+
+    These people are mated exactly,
+      And all that remains is to tell,
+    That she is a bully good talker,
+      And he listens equally well!
+
+
+[Illustration: Diamonds]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM.
+
+    The reason this chap in the box here
+      Made his lady friend Mrs. Van Pelf,
+    He had a whole car-load of diamonds
+      And he couldn't well wear them himself!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SO THOUGHTFUL OF FATHER.
+
+    Again to the altar went widower Brown,
+      When his grief he could decently smother,
+    He explained it to every acquaintance in town;
+      "My poor children needed a mother."
+
+
+[Illustration: $1.98]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    OLD MERGER AND MAYME.
+
+    Why did they marry--December and June?
+      Old Merger and Mayme-out-of-School?
+    Mayme didn't care for those ready made frocks--
+      December was--just an old fool.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NOW SHE'S WAY ABOVE PAR.
+
+    Billy Margin, a broker, did wed Ysobel,
+      Her shape counted most in his eyes,
+    Now her figure's no more, and Billy is sore,
+      For he finds he had bought for a rise!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AVERTED DANGER.
+
+    The reason Jenks married,
+      So we are told,
+    He was 'fraid he'd be lonely
+      When he got old!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    FATE.
+
+    The rector got married to Annabel Gauze,
+      The rector was gentle and good;
+    He made up his mind that he'd marry because
+      She had made up her mind that he should!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    THE SUN DO MOVE.
+
+    Petkins wed her Nobby Boy
+      In the year of our Lord knows when--
+    He was once the mold of form
+      And she was stylish then!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    A MATTER OF TASTE.
+
+    He married her because she didn't swagger like a man,
+      Nor did she stand with feet apart, toes in,
+    She wasn't a "good fellow," thickly coated with a tan--
+      She was merely lovely, really feminine!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    STRONGER THAN MERE LOVE.
+
+    The bond is a strong one that couples this pair,
+      A case in which Jill found her Jack,
+    This strong binding tie is the joy they both share,
+      In ripping their friends up the back!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    IN ROUND FIGURES.
+
+    Now here is a couple who seem of one mind,
+      What on earth made them think they'd agree?
+    Why, he didn't care for the lean scraggly kind,
+      And it's funny, but neither did she!
+
+
+[Illustration: Divorce Mill]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AKIN TO LOVE.
+
+    Out of pity married Chaucer,
+      She had been upon the shelf,
+    For same reason he'll divorce her,
+      Pity--this time for himself!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SPORTS!
+
+    He thought she was wealthy; she thought he was too,
+      Not thinking each other a grafter,
+    They found out between them there wasn't a sou--
+      So they laughed and lived happily after!
+
+
+[Illustration: FATE]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    INEVITABLE.
+
+    This happy young bride is a girl we all know,
+        Who swore that she never would wed,
+    When she'd been out of school a fortnight or so
+        She accepted misogynist Ned!
+
+
+[Illustration: Three one dime coins]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    THEY _WILL_ DO IT!
+
+    Both poor as Job's turkey and not overstrong--
+      Hold a three dollar job the man couldn't--
+    We are forced to conclude that they married because
+      There was every good reason they shouldn't!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NO FALLING OFF.
+
+    Paul told her lovely fairy tales when she was but a child,
+      She loved him far above all other men.
+    Tho' they've been married quite a while, the tales he tells her now
+      Are quite as good as those he told her then!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    WANTED A CHANGE.
+
+    Young Twentyperr looked carefully before a wife he took,
+      His wife would have to know a thing or two,
+    He wanted to be certain that his spouse knew how to cook
+      The way his mother didn't use to do!
+
+
+[Illustration: THIS IS A PEACH]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    IT'S ONLY TOO TRUE.
+
+    "That woman married!" I hear you exclaim,
+      Your knowledge of people is small,
+    There is always some chump who will whisper "Je T'aime!"
+      While real peaches are left by the wall!
+
+
+[Illustration: DEBT]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    HIGH FINANCE.
+
+    Jonas Granitt married and he knew that he was cute,
+      A Mrs. Drudge, his housekeeper, no less,
+    For he owed her two years wages--you'll admit he was astute,
+      Now he doesn't owe her anything, I guess!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SHE GOT TIRED OF IT.
+
+    They are married and Maudie looks quite worn out,
+      It's no wonder--he pestered her so,
+    He proposed forty thousand and ninety-six times--
+      Every time but the last she said "No!"
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SIDE-TRACKED.
+
+    These people wed in self-defense,
+      All social life they missed,
+    They found themselves outside the fence,
+      For neither played bridge-whist!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    THE BUTTERFLY AND THE ANEMONE.
+
+    Mr. Butterfly Flitter was handsome and gay,
+      Why, he'd ne'er given marriage a thought,
+    But he dallied too long by a flower one day,
+      And before he could flit he was caught!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AHA!
+
+    Pious Mary knew that Jake
+      Gambled and drank rum too;
+    She married to reform the rake--
+      Now see what she has come to!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    MR. AND MRS. JOHN SPRATT.
+
+    She fancied him because she felt a very piquant charm
+      In the unexpected awful things he said--
+    On her remarks he could depend, they never caused alarm,
+      So as they both were pleased, they wed!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    A PRETTY SMOOTH GENTLEMAN.
+
+    Mary thought her husband was the finest anywhere,
+      He was the satisfaction of her life.
+    He knew too much to ever say, "Why don't you dye your hair?"
+      Or praise another woman to his wife!
+
+
+[Illustration: DING, DANG, D-DANG]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    HOW ABSURDLY ABSURD!
+
+    Mr. Tootles rides on trolley cars a good bit of his life,
+      His little wife goes with him for the ride;
+    A friend asked why he married such a tiny little wife--
+      "She's so easy to get on with!" he replied.
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    AND, GREAT SCOTT, HE LIKES IT!
+
+    Steve looked for a captain and not for a mate
+      And his friends all agree she was found,
+    Why, they say that the reason he's putting on weight
+      Is because she just ordered him 'round!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    DO YOU SEE?
+
+    Intuition, deduction, observation as well,
+      And a masterful knowledge of life,
+    All figure as naught in our efforts to find
+      Why this pair became husband and wife!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    LABOR SAVING.
+
+    When his wife died he married her sister,
+      A practical man was McGraw,
+    "In this way," he said, "I've no trouble
+      To break in a new mother-in-law."
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    MATTER OF FACT.
+
+    Bert had known Gladys from childhood,
+      From the day of the doll and mud-pie,
+    When the time came of course they got married,
+      As one puts on one's coat or one's tie!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    A SHAME TO TAKE THE $.
+
+    Young Rebayte, Jr. had a stack,
+      A show girl he did wed,
+    She married him behind his back,
+      For she had turned his head!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NEWPORT NEWS.
+
+    Bernard De Lancey and Evelyn Smarte
+      Disregarding good taste and the cost,
+    Got married again--an affair of the heart--
+      They were tired of being divorced!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    NO OBJECTIONS.
+
+    Izzy Morris Fiddlebaum
+      Wed Leah Meyer Rosen,
+    For neither had a prejudice
+      Against what's called "The Chosen"!
+
+
+[Illustration: These Lots will go to the man who marries me
+THE OWNER]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    HE WANTED THE EARTH!
+
+    Joe married Miss Paula McQuaver,
+      And altho' she was thin and passe,
+          She really had lots in her favor--
+        About eight city lots on Broadway!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    QUITE RECKLESS.
+
+        She loved him for he was so brave,
+          Yes, in that line quite peerless--
+    He married this widow with seven kids--
+      By gosh, was not that fearless?
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    SHE HAD POSITION.
+
+    Al Higgins thought he married well when he got Sally Brown,
+      For very well connected was his "poil,"
+    Connected too with all the finest families in the town--
+      By telephone--She was a "Hello-Goil"!
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+    [Illustration]
+
+    "DON'T."
+
+    These foolish happy people here,
+      Mehitabel and Harry,
+    Disdaining quite those words of "Punch"
+      To those about to marry!
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Why They Married, by James Montgomery Flagg
+
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