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diff --git a/26663-h/26663-h.htm b/26663-h/26663-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b9993c5 --- /dev/null +++ b/26663-h/26663-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,6005 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en" xml:lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Fruits of Culture, by Leo Tolstoy</title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + body { margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + + h1, h2, h3 { text-align: center; + clear: both; + margin-top: 0em; + } + h2 { margin-bottom: 1.5em; font-size: x-large; font-weight: normal; } + h3 { font-size: large; font-weight: normal; } + .new-h2 { margin-top: 6em; } + .new-h3 { margin-top: 3em; } + + ins { text-decoration: none; border-bottom: 1px dashed #039; } + + .scene { font-style: italic; margin-bottom: 2em; } + .speaker { font-size: 0.85em; font-style: normal; } + .curtain { margin-top: 2.5em; } + + .smcap { font-variant: small-caps; } + + .center { text-align: center; } + + .figcenter { margin: 2em auto 2em auto; text-align: center; } + .figcenter img { border: 2px solid black; } + .caption { text-align: center; line-height: 1.5em; margin-top: 0.5em; } + + .pagenum { position: absolute; + display: inline; + right: 8%; + font-size: x-small; + text-align: right; + color: #808080; + font-style: normal; + border: 1px solid silver; + padding: 1px 4px 1px 4px; + font-variant: normal; + font-weight: normal; + text-decoration: none; + text-indent: 0em; + } + + .footnotes { border: 1px dashed #808080; margin-top: 6em; margin-bottom: 120px; padding: 20px; } + .footnote { margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 5%; text-align: justify; } + .footnote .label, + .fnanchor { vertical-align: super; text-decoration: none; font-size: x-small; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; } + + .poem { margin: auto; text-align: left; font-size: 0.9em; } + .poem br { display: none; } + .poem .stanza { margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em; } + .poem span.i0 { display: block; margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em; } + .poem span.i1 { display: block; margin-left: 0.4em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em; } + + table.together { border-collapse: collapse; } + table.together td { padding: 2px; } + + #tnote { width: 30em; + border: 1px dashed #808080; + background-color: #f6f6f6; + text-align: justify; + padding: 0.5em; + margin: 120px auto 120px auto; + } + #tnote hr { width: 4em; height: 1px; color: black; background-color: black; border: none; } +// --> +/* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Fruits of Culture, by Leo Tolstoy + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Fruits of Culture + +Author: Leo Tolstoy + +Translator: Louise Maude + Aylmer Maude + +Release Date: September 20, 2008 [EBook #26663] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRUITS OF CULTURE *** + + + + +Produced by Bryan Ness, Jana Srna and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div id="tnote"><p class="center" style="font-weight: bold;">Transcriber's Note:</p> +<p>This e-book belongs to Tolstoy's <cite>Plays (Complete Edition)</cite>. +The front matter, including the table of contents, can be found in a +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/26660/26660-h/26660-h.htm">separate e-book</a>; +it links to the other plays in the collection.</p> +<hr/> +<p>Every effort has been made to replicate this text as faithfully as +possible; changes (corrections of spelling and punctuation) made to +the original text are marked <ins title="transcriber's note">like this</ins>. +The original text appears when hovering the cursor over the marked text.</p></div> + +<h1 style="line-height: 2em; font-size: large; font-weight: normal; margin-top: 120px;"><big style="font-size: 1.3em;">FRUITS OF CULTURE</big><br/> + +<i>A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS</i></h1> + +<p class="center">(1889)</p> + + + +<div class="new-h2"> </div> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122">122</a></span></p> +<h2>CHARACTERS</h2> + + +<p><i><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH ZVEZDÍNTSEF.</span> A retired Lieutenant of the +Horse Guards. Owner of more than 60,000 acres of land in various +provinces. A fresh-looking, bland, agreeable gentleman of 60. Believes +in Spiritualism, and likes to astonish people with his wonderful stories.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA ZVEZDÍNTSEVA.</span> Wife of Leoníd. Stout; pretends +to be young; quite taken up with the conventionalities of life; despises +her husband, and blindly believes in her doctor. Very irritable.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Their daughter. A young woman of 20, fast, tries to be +mannish, wears a pince-nez, flirts and giggles. Speaks very quickly +and distinctly.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH ZVEZDÍNTSEF.</span> Their son, aged 25; has +studied law, but has no definite occupation. Member of the Cycling +Club, Jockey Club, and of the Society for Promoting the Breeding of +Hounds. Enjoys perfect health, and has imperturbable self-assurance. +Speaks loud and abruptly. Is either perfectly serious—almost morose, +or is noisily gay and laughs loud. Is nicknamed Vovo.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">ALEXÉY <ins title="VLADÍMIROVITCH">VLADÍMIRITCH</ins> KROUGOSVÉTLOF.</span> A professor and +scientist of about 50, with quiet and pleasantly self-possessed manners, +and quiet, deliberate, harmonious speech. Likes to talk. Is mildly disdainful +of those who do not agree with him. Smokes much. Is lean +and active.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">THE DOCTOR.</span> About 40. Healthy, fat, red-faced, loud-voiced, and +rough; with a self-satisfied smile constantly on his lips.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> A girl of 20, from the Conservatoire, +teacher of music. Wears a fringe, and is super-fashionably dressed. +Obsequious, and gets easily confused.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> About 28; has taken his degree in philology, and is +looking out for a position. Member of the same clubs as Vasíly Leoníditch, +and also of the Society for the Organisation of Calico Balls.<a name="FNanchor_1_1" href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> Is +bald-headed, quick in movement and speech, and very polite.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123">123</a></span> +<i><span class="speaker">THE BARONESS.</span> A pompous lady of about 50, slow in her movements, +speaks with monotonous intonation.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">THE PRINCESS.</span> A society woman, a visitor.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">HER DAUGHTER.</span> An affected young society woman, a visitor.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">THE COUNTESS.</span> An ancient dame, with false hair and teeth. Moves +with great difficulty.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN.</span> A dark, nervous, lively man of Jewish type. Speaks +very loud.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">THE FAT LADY: MÁRYA <ins title="VASÍLYEVNA">VASÍLEVNA</ins> TOLBOÚHINA.</span> A very distinguished, +rich, and kindly woman, acquainted with all the notable +people of the last and present generations. Very stout. Speaks hurriedly, +trying to be heard above every one else. Smokes.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">BARON KLÍNGEN</span> (nicknamed <span class="speaker">KOKO</span>). A graduate of Petersburg +University. Gentleman of the Bedchamber, Attaché to an Embassy. +Is perfectly correct in his deportment, and therefore enjoys peace of +mind and is quietly gay.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TWO SILENT LADIES.</span></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">SERGÉY IVÁNITCH SAHÁTOF.</span> About 50, an ex-Assistant Minister +of State. An elegant gentleman, of wide European culture, engaged in +nothing and interested in everything. His carriage is dignified and at +times even severe.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Personal attendant on Zvezdíntsef, aged +about 60. A man of some education and fond of information. Uses +his pince-nez and pocket-handkerchief too much, unfolding the latter very +slowly. Takes an interest in politics. Is kindly and sensible.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> A footman, about 28, handsome, profligate, envious, and +insolent.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Butler, about 40, a bustling, kindly man, to whom the interests +of his family in the village are all-important.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> The butler's assistant, about 20, a healthy, fresh, peasant lad, +fair, beardless as yet; calm and smiling.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">THE COACHMAN.</span> A man of about 35, a dandy. Has moustaches +but no beard. Rude and decided.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">A DISCHARGED MAN-COOK.</span> About 45, dishevelled, unshaved, bloated, +yellow and trembling. Dressed in a ragged, light summer-overcoat +and dirty trousers. Speaks hoarsely, ejecting the words abruptly.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">THE SERVANTS' COOK.</span> A talkative, dissatisfied woman of 30.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">THE DOORKEEPER.</span> A retired soldier.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">TÁNYA (TATYÁNA MÁRKOVNA).</span> Lady's-maid, 19, energetic, strong, +merry, with quickly-changing moods. At moments, when strongly excited, +she shrieks with joy.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124">124</a></span> +<i><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> About 60. Has served as village Elder. Imagines +that he knows how to treat gentlefolk, and likes to hear himself talk.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> About 45, head of a family. A man of few +words. Rough and truthful. The father of Simon.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> About 70. Wears shoes of plaited bast. Is +nervous, restless, hurried, and tries to cover his confusion by much +talking.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN</span> (in attendance on the Countess). An old man, with +old-fashioned manners, and proud of his place.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">SECOND FOOTMAN.</span> Of enormous size, strong, and rude.</i></p> + +<p><i><span class="speaker">A PORTER FROM A FASHIONABLE DRESSMAKER'S SHOP.</span> A fresh-faced +man in dark-blue long coat. Speaks firmly, emphatically, and +clearly.</i></p> + +<p><i>The action takes place in Moscow, in Zvezdíntsef's house.</i></p> + + + +<div class="new-h2"> </div> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125">125</a></span></p> +<p class="center" style="font-size: x-large; margin-top: 0em;">FRUITS OF CULTURE</p> + + + +<div class="new-h2"> </div> +<h2><a name="act1">ACT I</a></h2> + +<p class="scene">The entrance hall of a wealthy house in Moscow. There +are three doors: the front door, the door of Leoníd Fyódoritch's +study, and the door of Vasíly Leoníditch's room. A +staircase leads up to the other rooms; behind it is another +door leading to the servants' quarters.</p> + + +<div class="new-h3"> </div> +<h3 class="smcap">Scene 1.</h3> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>looks at himself in the glass and arranges his hair, +&c.</i>] I <em>am</em> sorry about those moustaches of mine! “Moustaches +are not becoming to a footman,” she says! And +why? Why, so that any one might see you're a footman,—else +my looks might put her darling son to shame. He's +a likely one! There's not much fear of his coming anywhere +near me, moustaches or no moustaches! [<i>Smiling +into the glass</i>] And what a lot of 'em swarm round me. +And yet I don't care for any of them as much as for +that Tánya. And she only a lady's-maid! Ah well, +she's nicer than any young lady. [<i>Smiles</i>] She is a duck! +[<i>Listening</i>] Ah, here she comes. [<i>Smiles</i>] Yes, that's her, +clattering with her little heels. Oh!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Tánya, carrying a cloak and boots.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> My respects to you, Tatyána Márkovna.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> What are you always looking in the glass for? +Do you think yourself so good-looking?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Well, and are my looks not agreeable?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126">126</a></span> +<span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> So, so; neither agreeable nor disagreeable, but +just betwixt and between! Why are all those cloaks hanging there?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> I am just going to put them away, your ladyship! +[<i>Takes down a fur cloak and, wrapping it round her, +embraces her</i>] I say, Tánya, I'll tell you something …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Oh, get away, do! What do you mean by it? +[<i>Pulls herself angrily away</i>] Leave me alone, I tell you!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>looks cautiously around</i>] Then give me a kiss!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Now, really, what are you bothering for? I'll +give you such a kiss! [<i>Raises her hand to strike</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>off the scene, rings and then shouts</i>] +Gregory!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> There now, go! Vasíly Leoníditch is calling you.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> He'll wait! He's only just opened his eyes! +I say, why don't you love me?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> What sort of loving have you imagined now? I +don't love anybody.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> That's a fib. You love Simon! You have +found a nice one to love—a common, dirty-pawed peasant, +a butler's assistant!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Never mind; such as he is, you are jealous of +him!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>off the scene</i>] Gregory!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> All in good time.… Jealous indeed! Of +what? Why, you have only just begun to get licked +into shape, and who are you tying yourself up with? Now, +wouldn't it be altogether a different matter if you loved +me?… I say, Tánya …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>angrily and severely</i>] You'll get nothing from +me, I tell you!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>off the scene</i>] Gregory!!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> You're mighty particular, ain't you?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>off the scene, shouts persistently, monotonously, +and with all his might</i>] Gregory! Gregory! Gregory! +[<i>Tánya and Gregory laugh</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127">127</a></span> +<span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> You should have seen the girls that have been +sweet on me. [<i>Bell rings</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well then, go to them, and leave me alone!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> You are a silly, now I think of it. I'm not +Simon!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Simon means marriage, and not tomfoolery!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Porter, carrying a large cardboard box.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> Good morning!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Good morning! Where are you from?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> From Bourdey's. I've brought a dress, and +here's a note for the lady.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>taking the note</i>] Sit down, and I'll take it in. +[<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Vasíly Leoníditch looks out of the door in shirt-sleeves and +slippers.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Gregory!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Yes, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Gregory! Don't you hear me call?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> I've only just come, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Hot water, and a cup of tea.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Yes, sir; Simon will bring them directly.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> And who is this? Ah, from Bourdier?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> Yes, sir.</p> + +<p><i>Exeunt Vasíly Leoníditch and Gregory. Bell rings. Tánya +runs in at the sound of the bell and opens the front door.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>to Porter</i>] Please wait a little.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> I am waiting.</p> + +<p><i>Sahátof enters at front door.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I beg your pardon, but the footman has just +gone away. This way, sir. Allow me, please. [<i>Takes his +fur cloak</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>adjusting his clothes</i>] Is Leoníd Fyódoritch at +home? Is he up? [<i>Bell rings</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Oh yes, sir. He's been up a long time.</p> + +<p><i>Doctor enters and looks round for the footman. Sees Sahátof +and addresses him in an offhand manner.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128">128</a></span> +<span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Ah, my respects to you!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>looks fixedly at him</i>] The Doctor, I believe?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> And I thought you were abroad! Dropped in +to see Leoníd Fyódoritch?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Yes. And you? Is any one ill?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR</span> [<i>laughing</i>] Not exactly ill, but, you know … +It's awful with these ladies! Sits up at cards till three +every morning, and pulls her waist into the shape of a +wine-glass. And the lady is flabby and fat, and carries +the weight of a good many years on her back.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Is this the way you state your diagnosis to +Anna Pávlovna? I should hardly think it quite pleases her!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR</span> [<i>laughing</i>] Well, it's the truth. They do all +these tricks—and then come derangements of the +digestive organs, pressure on the liver, nerves, and all +sorts of things, and one has to come and patch them up. +It's just awful! [<i>Laughs</i>] And you? You are also a +spiritualist it seems?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> I? No, I am not also a spiritualist.… Good +morning! [<i>Is about to go, but is stopped by the Doctor</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> No! But I can't myself, you know, positively +deny the possibility of it, when a man like Krougosvétlof is +connected with it all. How can one? Is he not a professor,—a +European celebrity? There must be something +in it. I should like to see for myself, but I never have the +time. I have other things to do.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Yes, yes! Good morning. [<i>Exit, bowing slightly</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR</span> [<i>to Tánya</i>] Is Anna Pávlovna up?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> She's in her bedroom, but please come up.</p> + +<p><i>Doctor goes upstairs.</i></p> + +<p><i>Theodore Ivánitch enters with a newspaper in his hand.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>to Porter</i>] What is it you want?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> I'm from Bourdey's. I brought a dress and a +note, and was told to wait.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Ah, from Bourdey's! [<i>To Tánya</i>] +Who came in just now?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129">129</a></span> +<span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> It was Sergéy Ivánitch Sahátof and the Doctor. +They stood talking here a bit. It was all about spiritalism.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>correcting her</i>] Spirit<em>u</em>alism.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, that's just what I said—spiritalism. Have +you heard how well it went off last time, Theodore Ivánitch? +[<i>Laughs</i>] There was knocks, and things flew about!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> And how do <em>you</em> know?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Miss Elizabeth told me.</p> + +<p><i>Jacob runs in with a tumbler of tea on a tray.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB</span> [<i>to the Porter</i>] Good morning!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER</span> [<i>disconsolately</i>] Good morning!</p> + +<p><i>Jacob knocks at Vasíly Leoníditch's door.</i></p> + +<p><i>Gregory enters.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Give it here.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> You didn't bring back all yesterday's tumblers, +nor the tray Vasíly Leoníditch had. And it's me that have +to answer for them!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> The tray is full of cigars.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Well, put them somewhere else. It's me who's +answerable for it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> I'll bring it back! I'll bring it back!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Yes, so you say, but it is not where it ought to +be. The other day, just as the tea had to be served, it +was not to be found.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> I'll bring it back, I tell you. What a fuss!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> It's easy for you to talk. Here am I serving tea +for the third time, and now there's the lunch to get ready. +One does nothing but rush about the livelong day. Is +there any one in the house who has more to do than me? +Yet they are never satisfied with me.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Dear me? Who could wish for any one more +satisfactory? You're such a fine fellow!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Nobody is good enough for you! You alone …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>to Tánya</i>] No one asked your opinion! +[<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130">130</a></span> +<span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Ah well, I don't mind. Tatyána Márkovna, did +the mistress say anything about yesterday?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> About the lamp, you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> And how it managed to drop out of my hands, +the Lord only knows! Just as I began rubbing it, and +was going to take hold of it in another place, out it slips +and goes all to pieces. It's just my luck! It's easy for +that Gregory Miháylitch to talk—a single man like him! +But when one has a family, one has to consider things: +they have to be fed. I don't mind work.… So she +didn't say anything? The Lord be thanked!… Oh, +Theodore Ivánitch, have you one spoon or two?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> One. Only one! [<i>Reads newspaper</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Exit Jacob.</i></p> + +<p><i>Bell rings. Enter Gregory (carrying a tray) and the Doorkeeper.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOORKEEPER</span> [<i>to Gregory</i>] Tell the master some peasants +have come from the village.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>pointing to Theodore Ivánitch</i>] Tell the major-domo +here, it's his business. I have no time. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Where are these peasants from?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOORKEEPER.</span> From Koursk, I think.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>shrieks with delight</i>] It's them.… It's Simon's +father come about the land! I'll go and meet them! +[<i>Runs off</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOORKEEPER.</span> Well, then, what shall I say to them? +Shall they come in here? They say they've come about +the land—the master knows, they say.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Yes, they want to purchase some +land. All right! But he has a visitor now, so you had +better tell them to wait.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOORKEEPER.</span> Where shall they wait?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Let them wait outside. I'll send +for them when the time comes. [<i>Exit Doorkeeper</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Enter Tánya, followed by three Peasants.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> To the right. In here! In here!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131">131</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I did not want them brought in +here!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Forward minx!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Oh, Theodore Ivánitch, it won't matter, they'll +stand in this corner.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> They'll dirty the floor.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> They've scraped their shoes, and I'll wipe +the floor up afterwards. [<i>To Peasants</i>] Here, stand just +here.</p> + +<p><i>Peasants come forward carrying presents tied in cotton +handkerchiefs: cake, eggs, and embroidered towels. They look +around for an icón before which to cross themselves; not finding +one, they cross themselves looking at the staircase.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>to Theodore Ivánitch</i>]. There now, Theodore +Ivánitch, they say Pironnet's boots are an elegant shape. +But those there are ever so much better. [<i>Pointing to the +third Peasant's bast shoes</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Why will you always be ridiculing +people? [<i>Exit Gregory</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>rises and goes up to the Peasants</i>] +So you are from Koursk? And have come to arrange +about buying some land?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Just so. We might say, it is for the +completion of the purchase of the land we have come. +How could we announce ourselves to the master?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Yes, yes, I know. You wait a bit +and I'll go and inform him. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><i>The Peasants look around; they are embarrassed where to +put their presents.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> There now, couldn't we have what d'you +call it? Something to present these here things on? To +do it in a genteel way, like,—a little dish or something.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> All right, directly; put them down here for the +present. [<i>Puts bundles on settle</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> There now,—that respectable gentleman +that was here just now,—what might be his station?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132">132</a></span> +<span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> He's the master's valet.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> I see. So he's also in service. And you, +now, are you a servant too?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I am lady's-maid. Do you know, I also come +from Démen! I know you, and you, but I don't know +him. [<i>Pointing to third Peasant</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Them two you know, but me you don't +know?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> You are Efím Antónitch.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> And you are Simon's father, Zachary Trifánitch.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Right!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> And let me tell you, I'm Mítry Vlásitch +Tchilíkin. Now do you know?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Now I shall know you too!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> And who may you be?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I am Aksínya's, the soldier's wife's, orphan.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST AND THIRD PEASANTS</span> [<i>with surprise</i>] Never!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> The proverb says true:</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 24em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“Buy a penny pig, put it in the rye,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">And you'll have a wonderful fat porker by-and-by.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it! She's got the resemblance +of a duchess!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> That be so truly. Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> [<i>off the scene, rings, and then shouts</i>] +Gregory! Gregory!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Now who's that, for example, disturbing +himself in such a way, if I may say so?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> That's the young master.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord! Didn't I say we'd better wait +outside until the time comes? [<i>Silence</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Is it <em>you</em>, Simon wants to marry?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Why, has he been writing? [<i>Hides her face in +her apron</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133">133</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> It's evident he's written! But it's a +bad business he's imagined here. I see the lad's got +spoilt!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>quickly</i>] No, he's not at all spoilt! Shall I send +him to you?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Why send him? All in good time. +Where's the hurry?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>desperately, behind scene</i>] Gregory! +Where the devil are you?… [<i>Enters from his room in +shirt-sleeves, adjusting his pince-nez</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Is every one dead?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> He's not here, sir.… I'll send him to you at +once. [<i>Moves towards the back door</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> I could hear you talking, you know. +How have these scarecrows sprung up here? Eh? +What?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> They're peasants from the Koursk village, sir. +[<i>Peasants bow</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> And who is this? Oh yes, from +Bourdier.</p> + +<p><i>Vasíly Leoníditch pays no attention to the Peasants' bow. +Tánya meets Gregory at the doorway and remains on the +scene.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>to Gregory</i>] I told you the other +boots… I can't wear these!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Well, the others are also there.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> But where is <em>there</em>?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Just in the same place!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> They're not!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span>. Well, come and see. [<i>Exeunt Gregory and +Vasíly Leoníditch</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Say now, might we not in the meantime +just go and wait, say, in some lodging-house or +somewhere?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> No, no, wait a little. I'll go and bring you some +plates to put the presents on. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134">134</a></span> +<i>Enter Sahátof and Leoníd Fyódoritch, followed by Theodore +Ivánitch.</i></p> + +<p><i>The Peasants take up the presents, and pose themselves.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>to Peasants</i>] Presently, presently! +Wait a bit! [<i>Points to Porter</i>] Who is this?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> From Bourdey's.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Ah, from Bourdier.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>smiling</i>] Well, I don't deny it: still you understand +that, never having seen it, we, the uninitiated, have +some difficulty in believing.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> You say you find it difficult to believe! +We do not ask for faith; all we demand of you is +to investigate! How can I help believing in this ring? +Yet this ring came from there!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> From <em>there</em>? What do you mean? From +where?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> From the other world. Yes!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>smiling</i>] That's very interesting—very interesting!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well, supposing we admit that I'm +a man carried away by an idea, as you think, and +that I am deluding myself. Well, but what of Alexéy +Vladímiritch Krougosvétlof—he is not just an ordinary +man, but a distinguished professor, and yet he admits it to +be a fact. And not he alone. What of Crookes? What +of Wallace?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> But I don't deny anything. I only say it is +very interesting. It would be interesting to know how +Krougosvétlof explains it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> He has a theory of his own. Could +you come to-night?—he is sure to be here. First we shall +have Grossman—you know, the famous thought-reader?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Yes, I have heard of him but have never +happened to meet him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Then you must come! We shall +first have Grossman, then Kaptchítch, and our mediumistic +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135">135</a></span>séance.… [<i>To Theodore Ivánitch</i>] Has the man returned +from Kaptchítch?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Not yet, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Then how am I to know?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Never mind, come in any case! If +Kaptchítch can't come we shall find our own medium. +Márya Ignátievna is a medium—not such a good one as +Kaptchítch, but still …</p> + +<p><i>Tánya enters with plates for the presents, and stands listening.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>smiling</i>] Oh yes, yes. But here is one puzzling +point:—how is it that the mediums are always of the, +so-called, educated class, such as Kaptchítch and Márya +Ignátievna? If there were such a special force, would it +not be met with also among the common people—the +peasants?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Oh yes, and it is! That is very +common. Even here in our own house we have a peasant +whom we discovered to be a medium. A few days ago +we called him in—a sofa had to be moved, during a +séance—and we forgot all about him. In all probability +he fell asleep. And, fancy, after our séance was over +and Kaptchítch had come to again, we suddenly noticed +mediumistic phenomena in another part of the room, near +the peasant: the table gave a jerk and moved!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>aside</i>] That was when I was getting out from +under it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> It is quite evident he also is a +medium. Especially as he is very like Home in appearance. +You remember Home—a fair-haired naïve sort of +fellow?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>shrugging his shoulders</i>] Dear me, this is very +interesting, you know. I think you should try him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> So we will! And he is not alone; +there are thousands of mediums, only we do not know +them. Why, only a short time ago a bedridden old +woman moved a brick wall!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136">136</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Moved a brick … a brick wall?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, yes. She was lying in bed, +and did not even know she was a medium. She just leant +her arm against the wall, and the wall moved!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> And did not cave in?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> And did not cave in.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Very strange! Well then, I'll come this +evening.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Pray do. We shall have a séance +in any case. [<i>Sahátof puts on his outdoor things, Leoníd +Fyódoritch sees him to the door</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER</span> [<i>to Tánya</i>] Do tell your mistress! Am I to +spend the night here?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Wait a little; she's going to drive out with the +young lady, so she'll soon be coming downstairs. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>comes up to the Peasants, who bow and +offer him their presents</i>] That's not necessary!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT</span> [<i>smiling</i>] Oh, but this-here is our first +duty, it is! It's also the Commune's orders that we should +do it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> That's always been the proper way.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Say no more about it! 'Cause as we are +much satisfied.… As our parents, let's say, served, let's +say, your parents, so we would like the same with all our +hearts … and not just anyhow! [<i>Bows</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> But what is it about? What do +you want?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> It's to your honour we've come …</p> + +<p><i>Enter Petrístchef briskly, in fur-lined overcoat.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Is Vasíly Leoníditch awake yet? [<i>Seeing +Leoníd Fyódoritch, bows, moving only his head</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> You have come to see my son?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> I? Yes, just to see Vovo for a moment.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Step in, step in.</p> + +<p><i>Petrístchef takes off his overcoat and walks in briskly. +Exit.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137">137</a></span> +<span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>to Peasants</i>] Well, what is it you want?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Please accept our presents!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT</span> [<i>smiling</i>] That's to say, the peasants' +offerings.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Say no more about it; what's the good? +We wish you the same as if you were our own father! Say +no more about it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> All right. Here, Theodore, take +these.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>to Peasants</i>] Give them here. [<i>Takes +the presents</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well, what is the business?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> We've come to your honour …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> I see you have; but what do you +want?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> It's about making a move towards completing +the sale of the land. It comes to this …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Do you mean to buy the land?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. It comes to this … I +mean the buying of the property of the land. The Commune +has given us, let's say, the power of atturning, to +enter, let's say, as is lawful, through the Government +bank, with a stamp for the lawful amount.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> You mean that you want to buy the +land through the land-bank.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. Just as you offered it to us +last year. It comes to this, then, the whole sum in full for +the buying of the property of the land is 32,864 roubles.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> That's all right, but how about +paying up?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> As to the payment, the Commune offers +just as it was said last year—to pay in 'stalments, and +your receipt of the ready money by lawful regulations, +4000 roubles in full.<a name="FNanchor_2_2" href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138">138</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Take 4000 now, and wait for the rest +of the money.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT</span> [<i>unwrapping a parcel of money</i>] And about +this be quite easy. We should pawn our own selves +rather than do such a thing just anyhow say, but in this +way, let's say, as it ought to be done.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> But did I not write and tell you +that I should not agree to it unless you brought the whole +sum?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. It would be more agreeable, +but it is not in our possibilities, I mean.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well then, the thing can't be done!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> The Commune, for example, relied its +hopes on that, that you made the offer last year to sell +it in easy 'stalments …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> That was last year. I would have +agreed to it then, but now I can't.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> But how's that? We've been depending +on your promise—we've got the papers ready and have +collected the money!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Be merciful, master! We're short of +land; we'll say nothing about cattle, but even a hen, let's +say, we've no room to keep. [<i>Bows</i>] Don't wrong us, +master! [<i>Bows</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Of course it's quite true, that I +agreed last year to let you have the land for payment by +instalments, but now circumstances are such that it would +be inconvenient.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Without this land we cannot live!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. Without land our lives +must grow weaker and come to a decline.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT</span> [<i>bowing</i>] Master, we have so little land, +let's not talk about the cattle, but even a chicken, let's +say, we've no room for. Master, be merciful, accept the +money, master!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>examining the document</i>] I quite understand, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139">139</a></span>and should like to help you. Wait a little; I +will give you an answer in half-an-hour.… Theodore, +say I am engaged and am not to be disturbed.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Yes, sir. [<i>Exit Leoníd Fyódoritch</i>].</p> + +<p><i>The Peasants look dejected.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Here's a go! “Give me the whole +sum,” he says. And where are we to get it from?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> If he had not given us hopes, for example. +As it is we felt quite insured it would be as was said last +year.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord! and I had begun unwrapping +the money. [<i>Begins wrapping up the bundle of bank-notes +again</i>] What are we to do now?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> What is your business, then?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Our business, respected sir, depends in +this. Last year he made us the offer of our buying the +land in 'stalments. The Commune entered upon these +terms and gave us the powers of atturning, and now d'you +see he makes the offering that we should pay the whole +in full! And as it turns out, the business is no ways convenient +for us.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> What is the whole sum?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> The whole sum in readiness is 4000 +roubles, you see.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well, what of that? Make an +effort and collect more.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Such as it is, it was collected with much +effort. We have, so to say, in this sense, not got ammunition +enough.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> You can't get blood out of a stone.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> We'd be glad with all our hearts, but +we have swept even this together, as you might say, +with a broom.</p> + +<p><i>Vasíly Leoníditch and Petrístchef appear in the doorway +both smoking cigarettes.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> I have told you already I'll do my +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140">140</a></span>best, so of course I will do all that is possible! Eh, +what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> You must just understand that if you do +not get it, the devil only knows what a mess we shall +be in!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> But I've already said I'll do my best, +and so I will. Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Nothing. I only say, get some at any <ins title="cost">cost.</ins> +I will wait.</p> + +<p><i>Exit into Vasíly Leoníditch's room, closing door.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>waving his arm</i>] It's a deuce of a go! +[<i>The Peasants bow</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>looking at Porter, to Theodore Ivánitch</i>] +Why don't you attend to this fellow from Bourdier? He +hasn't come to take lodgings with us, has he? Just look, +he is asleep! Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> The note he brought has been sent +in, and he has been told to wait until Anna Pávlovna +comes down.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>looks at Peasants and notices the money</i>] +And what is this? Money? For whom? Is it for us? +[<i>To Theodore Ivánitch</i>] Who are they?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> They are peasants from Koursk. +They are buying land.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Has it been sold them?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> No, they have not yet come to any +agreement. They are too stingy.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Eh? Well, we must try and persuade +them. [<i>To the Peasants</i>] Here, I say, are you buying +land? Eh?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. We have made an offering +as how we should like to acquire the possession of the +land.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Then you should not be so stingy, +you know. Just let me tell you how necessary land is to +peasants! Eh, what? It's very necessary, isn't it?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141">141</a></span> +<span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. The land appears as the +very first and foremost necessity to a peasant. That's +just it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Then why be so stingy? Just you +think what land is! Why, one can sow wheat on it in +rows! I tell you, you could get eighty bushels of wheat, +at a rouble and a half a bushel—that would be 120 roubles. +Eh, what? Or else mint! I tell you, you could collar +400 roubles off an acre by sowing mint!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. All sorts of producks one +could put into action if one had the right understanding.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Mint! Decidedly mint! I have +learnt about it, you know. It's all printed in books. I +can show them you. Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it, all concerns are clearer to +you through your books. That's learnedness, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Then pay up and don't be <ins title="stingy">stingy.</ins> +[<i>To Theodore Ivánitch</i>] Where's papa?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> He gave orders not to be disturbed +just now.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Oh, I suppose he's consulting a spirit +whether to sell the land or not? Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I can't say. All I know is that he +went away undecided about it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> What d'you think, Theodore <ins title="Ivanítch">Ivánitch</ins>, +is he flush of cash? Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I don't know. I hardly think <ins title="so,">so.</ins> +But what does it matter to you? You drew a good sum +not more than a week ago.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> But didn't I pay for those dogs? +And now, you know, there's our new Society, and Petrístchef +has been chosen, and I had borrowed money from +Petrístchef and must pay the subscription both for him +and for myself. Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> And what is this new Society? A +Cycling Club?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142">142</a></span> +<span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> No. Just let me tell you. It is quite +a new Society. It is a very serious Society, you know. And +who do you think is President? Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> What's the object of this new +Society?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> It is a “Society to Promote the +Breeding of Pure-bred Russian Hounds.” Eh, what? +And I'll tell you, they're having the first meeting and a +lunch, to-day. And I've no money. I'll go to him and +have a try! [<i>Exit through study door</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT</span> [<i>to Theodore Ivánitch</i>] And who might he +be, respected sir?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>smiles</i>] The young master.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> The heir, so to say. Oh Lord! [<i>puts +away the money</i>] I'd better hide it meanwhile.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> And we were told he was in military +service, in the cav'rely, for example.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> No, as an only son he is exempt +from military service.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Left for to keep his parents, so to say! +That's right!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT</span> [<i>shaking his head</i>] He's the right sort. +He'll feed them finely!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Vasíly Leoníditch followed by Leoníd Fyódoritch.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> That's always the way. It's really +surprising! First I'm asked why I have no occupation, +and now when I have found a field and am occupied, when +a Society with serious and noble aims has been founded, I +can't even have 300 roubles to go on with!…</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> I tell you I can't do it, and I can't! +I haven't got it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Why, you have just sold some land.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> In the first place I have not sold it! +And above all, do leave me in peace! Weren't you told I +was engaged? [<i>Exit, slamming door</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143">143</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I told you this was not the right +moment.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Well, I say! Here's a position to be +in! I'll go and see mamma—that's my only hope. He's +going crazy over his spiritualism and forgets everything +else. [<i>Goes upstairs</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Theodore Ivánitch takes newspaper and is just going to sit +down, when Betsy and Márya Konstantínovna, followed by +Gregory, come down the stairs.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Is the carriage ready?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Just coming to the door.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>to Márya Konstantínovna</i>] Come along, come along, +I know it is he.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> Which he?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> You know very well whom I mean—Petrístchef, +of course.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> But where is he?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Sitting in Vovo's room. You'll see!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> And suppose it is not he? [<i>The +Peasants and Porter bow</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>to Porter</i>] You brought a dress from Bourdier's?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> Yes, Miss. May I go?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Well, I don't know. Ask my mother.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> I don't know whose it is, Miss; I was ordered to +bring it here and receive the money.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Well then, wait.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> Is it still that costume for the +charade?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Yes, a charming costume. But mamma won't +take it or pay for it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> But why not?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> You'd better ask mamma. She doesn't grudge +Vovo 500 roubles for his dogs, but 100 is too much for a +dress. I can't act dressed like a scarecrow. [<i>Pointing to +Peasants</i>] And who are these?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144">144</a></span> +<span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Peasants who have come to buy some land or +other.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> And I thought they were the beaters. Are you +not beaters?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> No, no, lady. We have come to see +Leoníd Fyódoritch about the signing into our possession of +the title-deeds to some land.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Then how is it? Vovo was expecting some +beaters who were to come to-day. Are you sure you are +not the beaters? [<i>The Peasants are silent</i>] How stupid they +are! [<i>Goes to Vasíly Leoníditch's door</i>] Vovo? [<i>Laughs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> But we met him just now upstairs!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Why need you remember that? Vovo, are you +there?</p> + +<p><i>Petrístchef enters.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Vovo is not here, but I am prepared to +fulfil on his behalf anything that may be required. How +do you do? How do you do, Márya Konstantínovna? +[<i>Shakes hands long and violently with Betsy, and then with +Márya Konstantínovna</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> See, it's as if he were pumping water!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> You can't replace him,—still you're better than +nobody. [<i>Laughs</i>] What are these affairs of yours with +Vovo?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> What affairs? Our affairs are fie-nancial, +that is, our business is fie! It's also nancial, and besides it +is financial.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> What does nancial mean?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> What a question! It means nothing, that's +just the point.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> No, no, you have missed fire. [<i>Laughs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> One can't always hit the mark, you know. +It's something like a lottery. Blanks and blanks again, +and at last you win! [<i>Theodore Ivánitch goes into the +study</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145">145</a></span> +<span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Well, this was blank then; but tell me, were you +at the Mergásofs' last night?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Not exactly at the <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Mère</i> Gásof's, but rather +at the <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Père</i> Gásof's, or better still, at the <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Fils</i> Gásof's.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> You can't do without puns. It's an illness. +And were the Gypsies there?<a name="FNanchor_3_3" href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a> [<i>Laughs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF</span> [<i>sings</i>] “On their aprons silken threads, +little birds with golden heads!” …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Happy mortals! And we were yawning at +Fofo's.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF</span> [<i>continues to sing</i>] “And she promised and +she swore, She would ope' her … her … her …” +how does it go on, Márya Konstantínovna?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> “Closet door.”</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> How? What? How, Márya Konstantínovna?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Cessez, vous devenez impossible!</i><a name="FNanchor_4_4" href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">J'ai cessé, j'ai bébé, j'ai dédé.…</i><a name="FNanchor_5_5" href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> I see the only way to rid ourselves of your wit +is to make you sing! Let us go into Vovo's room, his +guitar is there. Come, Márya Konstantínovna, come! +[<i>Exeunt Betsy, Márya Konstantínovna, and Petrístchef</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Who be they?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> One is our young lady, the other is a girl who +teaches her music.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Administrates learning, so to say. And +ain't she smart? A reg'lar picture!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Why don't they marry her? She is old +enough, I should say.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Do you think it's the same as among you +peasants,—marry at fifteen?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> And that man, for example, is he also in +the musitional line?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146">146</a></span> +<span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>mimicking him</i>] “Musitional” indeed! You +don't understand anything!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just so. And stupidity, one might +say, is our ignorance.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord! [<i>Gipsy songs and guitar accompaniment +are heard from Vasíly Leoníditch's room</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Enter Simon, followed by Tánya, who watches the meeting +between father and son.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>to Simon</i>] What do you want?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> I have been to Mr. Kaptchítch.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Well, and what's the answer?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> He sent word he couldn't possibly come to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> All right, I'll let them know. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON</span> [<i>to his father</i>] How d'you do, father! My respects +to Daddy Efím and Daddy Mítry! How are all +at home?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Very well, Simon.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> How d'you do, lad?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> How d'you do, sonny?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON</span> [<i>smiles</i>] Well, come along, father, and have some +tea.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Wait till we've finished our business. +Don't you see we are not ready yet?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Well, I'll wait for you by the porch. [<i>Wishes to +go away</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>running after him</i>] I say, why didn't you tell +him anything?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> How could I before all those people? Give me +time, I'll tell him over our tea. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Theodore Ivánitch enters and sits down by the window.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Respected sir, how's our business proceeding?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Wait a bit, he'll be out presently, +he's just finishing.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>to Theodore Ivánitch</i>] And how do you know, +Theodore Ivánitch, he is finishing?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147">147</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I know that when he has finished +questioning, he reads the question and answer aloud.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Can one really talk with spirits by means of a +saucer?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> It seems so.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> But supposing they tell him to sign, will he sign?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Of course he will.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> But they do not speak with words?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Oh, yes. By means of the alphabet. +He notices at which letter the saucer stops.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, but at a si-ance?…</p> + +<p><i>Enter Leoníd Fyódoritch.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well, friends, I can't do it! I should +be very glad to, but it is quite impossible. If it were for +ready money it would be a different matter.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just so. What more could any one +desire? But the people are so inpennycuous—it is quite +impossible!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well, I can't do it, I really can't. +Here is your document; I can't sign it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Show some pity, master; be merciful!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> How can you act so? It is doing us a +wrong.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Nothing wrong about it, friends. I +offered it you in summer, but then you did not agree; and +now I can't agree to it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Master, be merciful! How are we to +get along? We have so little land. We'll say nothing +about the cattle; a hen, let's say, there's no room to let a +hen run about.</p> + +<p><i>Leoníd Fyódoritch goes up to the door and stops. Enter, +descending the staircase, Anna Pávlovna and doctor, followed +by Vasíly Leoníditch, who is in a merry and playful mood and +is putting some bank-notes into his purse.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>tightly laced, and wearing a bonnet</i>] Then +I am to take it?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148">148</a></span> +<span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> If the symptoms recur you must certainly take +it, but above all, you must behave better. How can you +expect thick syrup to pass through a thin little hair tube, +especially when we squeeze the tube? It's impossible; +and so it is with the biliary duct. It's simple enough.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> All right, all right!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Yes, “All right, all right,” and you go on in the +same old way. It won't do, madam—it won't do. Well, +good-bye!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> No, not good-bye, only <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">au revoir</i>! For +I still expect you to-night. I shall not be able to make +up my mind without you.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> All right, if I have time I'll pop in. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>noticing the Peasants</i>] What's this? +What? What people are these? [<i>Peasants bow</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> These are peasants from Koursk, +come to see Leoníd Fyódoritch about the sale of some +land.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> I see they are peasants, but who let +them in?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Leoníd Fyódoritch gave the order. +He has just been speaking to them about the sale of the +land.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> What sale? There is no need to sell +any. But above all, how can one let in people from the +street into the house? One can't let people in from the +street! One can't let people into the house who have +spent the night heaven knows where!… [<i>Getting more +and more excited</i>] I daresay every fold of their clothes is +full of microbes—of scarlet-fever microbes, of smallpox +microbes, of diphtheria microbes! Why, they are from +Koursk Government, where there is an epidemic of diphtheria +… Doctor! Doctor! Call the doctor back!</p> + +<p><i>Leoníd Fyódoritch goes into his room and shuts the door. +Gregory goes to recall the Doctor.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>smokes at the Peasants</i>] Never mind, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149">149</a></span>mamma; if you like I'll fumigate them so that all the +microbes will go to pot! Eh, what?</p> + +<p><i>Anna Pávlovna remains severely silent, awaiting the Doctor's +return.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>to Peasants</i>] And do you fatten pigs? +There's a first-rate business!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just so. We do go in for the +pig-fattening line now and then.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> This kind?… [<i>Grunts like a pig</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Vovo, Vovo, leave off!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Isn't it like? Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just so. It's very resemblant.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Vovo, leave off, I tell you!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> What's it all about?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> I said, we'd better go to some lodging +meanwhile!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Doctor and Gregory.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> What's the matter? What's happened?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Why, you're always saying I must not +get excited. Now, how is it possible to keep calm? I +do not see my own sister for two months, and am careful +about any doubtful visitor—and here are people from +Koursk, straight from Koursk, where there is an epidemic +of diphtheria, right in my house!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> These good fellows you mean, I suppose?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Of course. Straight from a diphtheric +place!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Well, of course, if they come from an infected +place it is rash; but still there is no reason to excite yourself +so much about it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> But don't you yourself advise carefulness?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Of course, of course. Still, why excite yourself?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> How can I help it? Now we shall +have to have the house completely disinfected.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Oh no! Why completely? That would cost +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150">150</a></span>300 roubles or more. I'll arrange it cheaply and well for +you. Take, to a large bottle of water …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Boiled?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> It's all the same. Boiled would be better. To +one bottle of water take a tablespoon of salicylic acid, and +have everything they have come in contact with washed +with the solution. As to the fellows themselves, they +must be off, of course. That's all. Then you're quite +safe. And it would do no harm to sprinkle some of the +same solution through a spray—two or three tumblers—you'll +see how well it will act. No danger whatever!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Tánya! Where is Tánya?</p> + +<p><i>Enter Tánya.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Did you call, M'm?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> You know that big bottle in my dressing-room?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Out of which we sprinkled the laundress yesterday?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Well, of course! What other bottle +could I mean? Well then, take that bottle and first +wash with soap the place where they have been standing, +and then with …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, M'm; I know how.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> And then take the spray … However, +I had better do that myself when I get back.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Well then, do so, and don't be afraid! Well, +<i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">au revoir</i> till this evening. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> And they must be off! Not a trace of +them must remain! Get out, get out! Go—what are +you looking at?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just so. It's because of our +stupidity, as we were instructed …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>pushes the Peasants out</i>] There, there; be +off!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Let me have my handkerchief back! +[<i>The handkerchief in which the presents were wrapped</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151">151</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord, oh Lord! didn't I say—some +lodging-house meanwhile!</p> + +<p><i>Gregory pushes him out. Exeunt Peasants.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER</span> [<i>who has repeatedly tried to say something</i>] Will +there be any answer?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Ah, from Bourdier? [<i>Excitedly</i>] None! +None! You can take it back. I told her I never ordered +such a costume, and I will not allow my daughter to +wear it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> I know nothing about it. I was sent …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Go, go, take it back! I will call myself +about it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>solemnly</i>] Sir Messenger from Bourdier, +depart!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PORTER.</span> I might have been told that long ago. I have +sat here nearly five hours!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Ambassador from Bourdier, begone!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Cease, please!</p> + +<p><i>Exit Porter.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Betsy! Where is she? I always have +to wait for her.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>shouting at the top of his voice</i>] Betsy! +Petrístchef! Come quick, quick, quick! Eh? What?</p> + +<p><i>Enter Petrístchef, Betsy, and Márya Konstantínovna.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> You always keep one waiting!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> On the contrary, I was waiting for you!</p> + +<p><i>Petrístchef bows with his head only, then kisses Anna Pávlovna's +hand.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> How d'you do! [<i>To Betsy</i>] You always +have an answer ready!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> If you are upset, mamma, I had better not go.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Are we going or not?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Well, let us go; it can't be helped.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Did you see the man from Bourdier?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Yes, and I was very glad. I ordered the costume, +and am going to wear it when it is paid for.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152">152</a></span> +<span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> I am not going to pay for a costume +that is indecent!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Why has it become indecent? First it was +decent, and now you have a fit of prudery.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Not prudery at all! If the bodice were +completely altered, then it would do.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Mamma, that is quite impossible.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Well, get dressed. [<i>They sit down. +Gregory puts on their over-shoes for them</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Márya Konstantínovna, do you notice +a vacuum in the hall?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> What is it? [<i>Laughs in anticipation</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Bourdier's man has gone! Eh, +what? Good, eh? [<i>Laughs loudly</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Well, let us go. [<i>Goes out of the door, but +returns at once</i>] Tánya!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, M'm?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Don't let Frisk catch cold while I am +away. If she wants to be let out, put on her little yellow +cloak. She is not quite well to-day.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, M'm.</p> + +<p><i>Exeunt Anna Pávlovna, Betsy, and Gregory.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Well, have you got it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Not without trouble, I can tell you! +First I rushed at the gov'nor; he began to bellow and +turned me out. Off to the mater—I got it out of her. +It's here! [<i>Slaps his breast pocket</i>] If once I make up my +mind, there's no getting away from me. I have a deadly +grip! Eh, what? And d'you know, my wolf-hounds are +coming to-day.</p> + +<p><i>Petrístchef and Vasíly Leoníditch put on their outdoor things +and go out. Tánya follows.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>alone</i>] Yes, nothing but unpleasantness. +How is it they can't live in peace? But one +must say the new generation are not—the thing. And +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153">153</a></span>as to the women's dominion!… Why, Leoníd Fyódoritch +just now was going to put in a word, but seeing what a +frenzy she was in—slammed the door behind him. He +is a wonderfully kind-hearted man. Yes, wonderfully +kind. What's this? Here's Tánya bringing them back +again!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Come in, come in, grand-dads, never mind!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Tánya and the Peasants.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Why have you brought them back?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well, Theodore Ivánitch, we must do something +about their business. I shall have to wash the place anyhow.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> But the business will not come off, +I see that already.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> How could we best put our affair into +action, respected sir? Your reverence might take a little +trouble over it, and we should give you full thankings +from the Commune for your trouble.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Do try, honey! We can't live! We +have so little land. Talk of cattle—why, we have no room +to keep a hen! [<i>They bow</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I am sorry for you, friends, but I +can't think of any way to help you. I understand your +case very well, but he has refused. So what can one do? +Besides, the lady is also against it. Well, give me your +papers—I'll try and see what I can do, but I hardly hope +to succeed. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Tánya and the three Peasants sigh.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> But tell me, grand-dads, what is it that is +wanted?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Why, only that he should put his signature +to our document.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> That the master should sign? Is that all?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Yes, only lay his signature on the deed +and take the money, and there would be an end of the +matter.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154">154</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> He only has to write and sign, as the +peasants, let's say, desire, so, let's say, I also desire. +That's the whole affair—if he'd only take it and sign it, +it's all done.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>considering</i>] He need only sign the paper and +it's done?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just so. The whole matter is in +dependence on that, and nothing else. Let him sign, +and we ask no more.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Just wait and see what Theodore Ivánitch will +say. If he cannot persuade the master, I'll try something.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Get round him, will you?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I'll try.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Ay, the lass is going to bestir herself. +Only get the thing settled, and the Commune will bind +itself to keep you all your life. See there, now!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> If the affair can be put into action, truly +we might put her in a gold frame.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> That goes without saying!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I can't promise for certain, but as the saying is: +“An attempt is no sin, if you try …”</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> “You may win.” That's just so.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Theodore Ivánitch.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> No, friends, it's no go! He has not +done it, and he won't do it. Here, take your document. +You may go.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT</span> [<i>gives Tánya the paper</i>] Then it's on you +we pin all our reliance, for example.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, yes! You go into the street, and I'll run +out to you in a minute and have a word with you.</p> + +<p><i>Exeunt Peasants.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Theodore Ivánitch, dear Theodore Ivánitch, ask +the master to come out and speak to me for a moment. +I have something to say to him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> What next?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155">155</a></span> +<span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I must, Theodore Ivánitch. Ask him, do; there's +nothing wrong about it, on my sacred word.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> But what do you want with him?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> That's a little secret. I will tell you later on, +only ask him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>smiling</i>] I can't think what you are +up to! All right, I'll go and ask him. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I'll do it! Didn't he say himself that there is +that power in Simon? And I know how to manage. No +one found me out that time, and now I'll teach Simon +what to do. If it doesn't succeed it's no great matter. +After all it's not a sin.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Leoníd Fyódoritch followed by Theodore Ivánitch.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>smiling</i>] Is this the petitioner? +Well, what is your business?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> It's a little secret, Leoníd Fyódoritch; let me +tell it you alone.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> What is it? Theodore, leave us +for a minute.</p> + +<p><i>Exit Theodore Ivánitch.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> As I have grown up and lived in your house, +Leoníd Fyódoritch, and as I am very grateful to you for +everything, I shall open my heart to you as to a father. +Simon, who is living in your house, wants to marry me.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> So that's it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I open my heart to you as to a father! I have +no one to advise me, being an orphan.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well, and why not? He seems a +nice lad.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, that's true. He would be all right; there +is only one thing I have my doubts about. It's something +about him that I have noticed and can't make out … +perhaps it is something bad.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> What is it? Does he drink?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> God forbid! But since I know that there is +such a thing as spiritalism …</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156">156</a></span> +<span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Ah, you know that?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Of course! I understand it very well. Some, +of course, through ignorance, don't understand it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well, what then?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I am very much afraid for Simon. It does +happen to him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> What happens to him?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Something of a kind like spiritalism. You ask +any of the servants. As soon as he gets drowsy at the +table, the table begins to tremble, and creak like that: +<em>tuke, … tuke</em>! All the servants have heard it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Why, it's the very thing I was +saying to Sergéy Ivánitch this morning! Yes?…</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Or else … when was it?… Oh yes, last +Wednesday. We sat down to dinner, and the spoon just +jumps into his hand of itself!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Ah, that is interesting! Jumps +into his hand? When he was drowsing?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> That I didn't notice. I think he was, though.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes?…</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> And that's what I'm afraid of, and what I wanted +to ask you about. May not some harm come of it? To +live one's life together, and him having such a thing in +him!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>smiling</i>] No, you need not be afraid, +there is nothing bad in that. It only proves him to be a +<em>medium</em>—simply a medium. I knew him to be a medium +before this.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> So that's what it is! And I was afraid!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> No, there's nothing to be afraid of. +[<i>Aside</i>]. That's capital! Kaptchítch can't come, so we +will test him to-night.… [<i>To Tánya</i>] No, my dear, +don't be afraid, he will be a good husband and … that +is only a kind of special power, and every one has it, only +in some it is weaker and in others stronger.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Thank you, sir. Now I shan't think any more +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157">157</a></span>about it; but I was so frightened.… What a thing it +is, our want of education!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> No, no, don't be frightened… +Theodore!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Theodore Ivánitch.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> I am going out now. Get everything +ready for to-night's séance.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> But Mr. Kaptchítch is not coming.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> That does not matter. [<i>Puts on overcoat</i>] +We shall have a trial séance with our own medium. +[<i>Exit. Theodore Ivánitch goes out with him</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>alone</i>] He believes it! He believes it! [<i>Shrieks +and jumps with joy</i>] He really believes it! Isn't it wonderful! +[<i>Shrieks</i>] Now I'll do it, if only Simon has pluck +for it!</p> + +<p><i>Theodore Ivánitch returns.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well, have you told him your secret?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I'll tell you too, only later on.… But I have a +favour to ask of you too, Theodore Ivánitch.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Yes? What is it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>shyly</i>] You have been a second father to me, +and I will open my heart before you as before God.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Don't beat about the bush, but +come straight to the point.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> The point is … well, the point is, that Simon +wants to marry me.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Is that it? I thought I noticed …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well, why should I hide it? I am an orphan, +and you know yourself how matters are in these town +establishments. Every one comes bothering; there's that +Gregory Miháylitch, for instance, he gives me no peace. +And also that other one … you know. They think I +have no soul, and am only here for their amusement.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Good girl, that's right! Well, what +then?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well, Simon wrote to his father; and he, his +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158">158</a></span>father, sees me to-day, and says: “He's spoilt”—he means +his son. Theodore Ivánitch [<i>bows</i>], take the place of a +father to me, speak to the old man,—to Simon's father! I +could take them into the kitchen, and you might come +in and speak to the old man!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>smiling</i>] Then I am to turn match-maker—am +I? Well, I can do that.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Theodore Ivánitch, dearest, be a father to me, +and I'll pray for you all my life long.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> All right, all right, I'll come later on. +Haven't I promised? [<i>Takes up newspaper</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> You are a second father to me!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> All right, all right.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Then I'll rely on you. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>alone, shaking his head</i>] A good affectionate +girl. To think that so many like her perish! +Get but once into trouble and she'll go from hand to +hand until she sinks into the mire, and can never be found +again! There was that dear little Nataly. She, too, was +a good girl, reared and cared for by a mother. [<i>Takes up +paper</i>] Well, let's see what tricks Ferdinand is up to in +Bulgaria.</p> + +<p class="center curtain"><i>Curtain.</i></p> + + + +<div class="new-h2"> </div> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159">159</a></span></p> +<h2>ACT II</h2> + +<p class="scene">Evening of the same day. The scene represents the interior +of the servants' kitchen. The Peasants have taken off their +outer garments and sit drinking tea at the table, and perspiring. +Theodore Ivánitch is smoking a cigar at the other side of the +stage. The discharged Cook is lying on the brick oven, and is +unseen during the early part of the scene.</p> + + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> My advice is, don't hinder him! If +it's his wish and hers, in Heaven's name let him do it. +She is a good, honest girl. Never mind her being a bit +dressy; she can't help that, living in town: she is a good +girl all the same.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Well, of course, if it is his wish, let him! +<em>He'll</em> have to live with her, not me. But she's certainly +uncommon spruce. How's one to take her into one's +hut? Why, she'll not let her mother-in-law so much as +pat her on the head.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> That does not depend on the spruceness, +but on character. If her nature is good, she's sure +to be docile and respectful.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Ah, well, we'll have her if the lad's +bent on having her. After all, it's a bad job to live with +one as one don't care for. I'll consult my missus, and then +may Heaven bless them!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Then let's shake hands on it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Well, it seems it will have to come off.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Eh, Zachary! fortune's a-smiling on you! +You've come to accomplish a piece of business, and just +see what a duchess of a daughter-in-law you've obtained. +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160">160</a></span>All that's left to be done is to have a drink on it, and +then it will be all in order.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> That's not at all necessary. [<i>An +awkward silence</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I know something of your way of +life too, you know. I am even thinking of purchasing a +bit of land, building a cottage, and working on the land +myself somewhere: maybe in your neighbourhood.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> A very good thing too.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. When one has got the +money one can get all kinds of pleasure in the country.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Say no more about it! Country life, +let's say, is freer in every way, not like the town!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> There now, would you let me join +your Commune if I settled among you?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Why not? If you stand drink for the +Elders, they'll accept you soon enough!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> And if you open a public-house, for +example, or an inn, why, you'd have such a life you'd +never need to die! You might live like a king, and no +mistake.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well, we'll see. I should certainly +like to have a few quiet years in my old age. Though my +life here is good enough, and I should be sorry to leave. +Leoníd Fyódoritch is an exceedingly kind-hearted man.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. But how about our business? +Is it possible that he is going to leave it without +any termination?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> He'd do it willingly.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> It seems he's afraid of his wife.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> It's not that he's afraid, but they +don't hit things off together.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> But you should try, father! How are +we to live else? We've so little land …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> We'll see what comes of Tánya's +attempt. She's taken the business into her hands now!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161">161</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT</span> [<i>takes a sip of tea</i>] Father, be merciful. +We've so little land. A hen, let's say, we've no room for +a hen, let alone the cattle.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> If the business depended on me.… +[<i>To Second Peasant</i>] Well, friend, so we've done +our bit of match-making! It's agreed then about +Tánya?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> I've given my word, and I'll not go +back on it without a good reason. If only our business +succeeds!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Servants' Cook who looks up at the oven, makes a sign, +and then begins to speak animatedly to Theodore Ivánitch.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Just now Simon was called upstairs from +the front kitchen! The master and that other bald-headed +one who calls up spirits with him, ordered him to +sit down and take the place of Kaptchítch!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> You don't say so!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Yes, Jacob told Tánya.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Extraordinary!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Coachman.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> What do you want?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">COACHMAN</span> [<i>to Theodore Ivánitch</i>] You may just tell them +I never agreed to live with a lot of dogs! Let any one +who likes do it, but I will never agree to live among dogs!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> What dogs?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">COACHMAN.</span> Three dogs have been sent into our room by +Vasíly Leoníditch! They've messed it all over. They're +whining, and if one comes near them they bite—the +devils! They'd tear you to pieces if you didn't mind. +I've a good mind to take a club and smash their legs for +them!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> But when did they come?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">COACHMAN.</span> Why, to-day, from the Dog Show; the devil +knows what kind they are, but they're an expensive sort. +Are we or the dogs to live in the coachmen's quarters? +You just go and ask!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162">162</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Yes, that will never do. I'll go +and ask about it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">COACHMAN.</span> They'd better be brought here to <ins title="Loukérya">Loukérya.</ins></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK</span> [<i>angrily</i>] People have to eat here, and +you'd like to lock dogs in here! As it is …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">COACHMAN.</span> And I've got the liveries, and the sledge-covers +and the harness there, and they expect things kept +clean! Perhaps the porter's lodge might do.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I must ask Vasíly Leoníditch.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">COACHMAN</span> [<i>angrily</i>] He'd better hang the brutes round +his neck and lug them about with him! But no fear: he'd +rather ride on horseback himself. It's he as spoilt Beauty +without rhyme or reason. That was a horse!… Oh +dear! what a life! [<i>Exit, slamming door</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> That's not right! Certainly not +right! [<i>To Peasants</i>] Well then, it's time we were saying +good-bye, friends.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PEASANTS.</span> Good-bye!</p> + +<p><i>Exit Theodore Ivánitch.</i></p> + +<p><i>As soon as he is gone a sound of groaning is heard from the +top of the oven.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> He's sleek, that one; looks like a general.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Rather! Why, he has a room all to +himself; he gets his washing, his tea and sugar, and food +from the master's table.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK</span> [<i>on the oven</i>]. Why shouldn't the old +beggar live well? He's lined his pockets all right!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Who's that up there, on the oven?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Oh, it's only a man.</p> + +<p><i>Silence.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Well, and you too, as I noticed a while +since when you were supping, have capital food to eat.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> We can't complain. She's not mean +about the food. We have wheat bread every Sunday, and +fish when a holiday happens to be a fast-day too, and +those who like may eat meat.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163">163</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> And does any one tuck into flesh on +fast-days?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Oh, they nearly all do! Only the old +coachman—not the one who was here just now but the +old one—and Simon, and I and the housekeeper, fast—all +the others eat meat.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> And the master himself?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Catch him! Why, I bet he's forgotten +there is such a thing as fasting!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's the gentlefolks' way: they have +got it all out of their books. 'Cos of their intelex!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Shouldn't wonder if they feed on wheat +bread every day!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Wheat bread indeed! Much they think +of wheat bread! You should see what food they eat. No +end of different things!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> In course gentlefolks' food is of an airial +kind.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Airial, of course, but all the same they're +good at stuffing themselves, they are!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Have healthy appekites, so to say.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> 'Cos they always rinse it down! All +with sweet wines, and spirits, and fizzy liquors. They +have a different one to suit every kind of food. They eat +and rinse it down, and eat and rinse it down, they do.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> And so the food's floated down in proportion, +so to say.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Ah yes, they are good at stuffing! It's +awful! You see, it's not just sitting down, eating, then +saying grace and going away—they're always at it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Like pigs with their feet in the trough! +[<i>Peasants laugh</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> As soon as, by God's grace, they have +opened their eyes, the samovár is brought in—tea, coffee, +chocolate. Hardly is the second samovár emptied, a third +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164">164</a></span>has to be set. Then lunch, then dinner, then again +coffee. They've hardly left off, then comes tea, and all +sorts of tit-bits and sweetmeats—there's never an end to +it! They even lie in bed and eat!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> There now; that's good! [<i>Laughs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST AND SECOND PEASANTS.</span> What are you about?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> If I could only live a single day like +that!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> But when do they do their work?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Work indeed! What is their work? +Cards and piano—that's all their work. The young lady +used to sit down to the piano as soon as she opened her +eyes, and off she'd go! And that other one who lives +here, the teacher, stands and waits. “When will the +piano be free?” When one has finished, off rattles the +other, and sometimes they'd put two pianos near one +another and four of 'em would bust out at once. Bust +out in such a manner, you could hear 'em down here!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Well, and that's all the work they do! +Piano or cards! As soon as they have met together—cards, +wine, smoking, and so on all night long. And as +soon as they are up: eating again!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Simon.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Hope you're enjoying your tea!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Come and join us.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON</span> [<i>comes up to the table</i>] Thank you kindly. [<i>First +Peasant pours out a cup of tea for him</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Where have you been?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Upstairs.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Well, and what was being done there?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Why, I couldn't make it out at all! I don't +know how to explain it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> But what was it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> I can't explain it. They have been trying some +kind of strength in me. I can't make it out. Tánya says, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165">165</a></span>“Do it, and we'll get the land for our peasants; he'll sell +it them.”</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> But how is she going to manage it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> I can't make it out, and she won't say. She +says, “Do as I tell you,” and that's all.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> But what is it you have to do?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Nothing just now. They made me sit down, +put out the lights and told me to sleep. And Tánya had +hidden herself there. They didn't see her, but I did.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Why? What for?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> The Lord only knows—I can't make it out.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Naturally it is for the distraction of time.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Well, it's clear you and I can make +nothing of it. You had better tell me whether you have +taken all your wages yet.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> No, I've not drawn any. I have twenty-eight +roubles to the good, I think.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> That's all right! Well, if God grants +that we get the land, I'll take you home, Simon.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> With all my heart!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> You've got spoilt, I should say. You'll +not want to plough?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Plough? Only give me the chance! Plough or +mow,—I'm game. Those are things one doesn't forget.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> But it don't seem very desirous after +town life, for example? Eh!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> It's good enough for me. One can live in the +country too.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> And Daddy Mítry here, is already on the +look-out for your place; he's hankering after a life of +luckshury!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Eh, Daddy Mítry, you'd soon get sick of it. It +seems easy enough when one looks at it, but there's a lot +of running about that takes it out of one.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> You should see one of their balls, +Daddy Mítry, then you would be surprised!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166">166</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Why, do they eat all the time?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> My eye! You should have seen what +we had here awhile ago. Theodore Ivánitch took me +upstairs and I peeped in. The ladies—awful! Dressed +up! Dressed up, bless my heart, and all bare down to +here, and their arms bare.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Faugh! How beastly!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> I take it the climate allows of that sort +of thing!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Well, daddy, so I peeped in. Dear +me, what it was like! All of 'em in their natural skins! +Would you believe it: old women—our mistress, only +think, she's a grandmother, and even she'd gone and +bared her shoulders.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> And what next? The music strikes up, +and each man of 'em went up to his own, catches hold +of her, and off they go twirling round and round!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> The old women too?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Yes, the old ones too.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> No, the old ones sit still.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Get along,—I've seen it myself!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> No they don't.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK</span> [<i>in a hoarse voice, looking down from the +oven</i>] That's the Polka-Mazurka. You fools don't understand +what dancing is. The way they dance …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Shut up, you dancer! And keep quiet—there's +some one coming.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Gregory; old Cook hides hurriedly.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>to Servants' Cook</i>] Bring some sour cabbage.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> I am only just up from the cellar, and +now I must go down again! Who is it for?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> For the young ladies. Be quick, and send it +up with Simon. I can't wait!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> There now, they tuck into sweetmeats +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167">167</a></span>till they are full up, and then they crave for sour cabbage!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's to make a clearance.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Of course, and as soon as there is room +inside, they begin again! [<i>Takes basin, and exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY</span> [<i>at Peasants</i>] Look at them, how they've established +themselves down here! Mind, if the mistress finds +it out she'll give it you hot, like she did this morning! +[<i>Exit, laughing</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it, she did raise a storm that +time—awful!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> That time it looked as if the master +was going to step in, but seeing that the missus was about +to blow the very roof off the house, he slams the door. +Have your own way, thinks he.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT</span> [<i>waving his arm</i>] It's the same everywhere. +My old woman, let's say, she kicks up such a +rumpus sometimes—it's just awful! Then I just get out +of the hut. Let her go to Jericho! She'll give you one +with the poker if you don't mind. Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><i>Jacob enters hurriedly with a prescription.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Here, Simon, you run to the chemist's and get +these powders for the mistress!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> But master told me not to go out.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> You've plenty of time; your business won't begin +till after their tea. Hope you are enjoying your tea!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Thanks, come and join us.</p> + +<p><i>Exit Simon.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> I haven't time. However, I'll just have one cup +for company's sake.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> And we've just been having a conversation +as to how your mistress carried on so haughty this +morning.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Oh, she's a reg'lar fury! So hot-tempered, that +she gets quite beside herself. Sometimes she even bursts +out crying.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168">168</a></span> +<span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Now, there's a thing I wanted to ask +you about. What, for example, be these mikerots she was +illuding to erewhile? “They've infested the house with +mikerots, with mikerots,” she says. What is one to make +of these same mikerots?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Mikerogues, you mean! Well, it seems there is +such a kind of bugs; all illnesses come from them, they +say. So she says there are some of 'em on you. After +you were gone, they washed and washed and sprinkled +the place where you had stood. There's a kind of physic +as kills these same bugs, they say.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Then where have we got these bugs +on us?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB</span> [<i>drinking his tea</i>] Why, they say they're so small +that one can't see 'em even through a glass.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Then how does she know I've got 'em on +me? Perhaps there's more of that muck on her than on me!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> There now, you go and ask her!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> I believe it's humbug.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Of course it's bosh. The doctors must invent +something, or else what are they paid for? There's one +comes to us every day. Comes,—talks a bit,—and pockets +ten roubles!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Nonsense!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Why, there's one as takes a hundred!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> A hundred? Humbug!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> A hundred. Humbug, you say? Why, if he +has to go out of town, he'll not do it for less than a thousand! +“Give a thousand,” he says, “or else you may +kick the bucket for what I care!”</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Then does he know some charm?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> I suppose he must. I served at a General's outside +Moscow once: a cross, terrible proud old fellow he +was—just awful. Well, this General's daughter fell ill. +They send for that doctor at once. “A thousand roubles, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169">169</a></span>then I'll come.” Well, they agreed, and he came. Then +they did something or other he didn't like, and he +bawled out at the General and says, “Is this the way you +show your respect for me? Then I'll not attend her!” +And, oh my! The old General forgot all his pride, +and starts wheedling him in every way not to chuck +up the job!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> And he got the thousand?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Of course!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> That's easy got money. What wouldn't +a peasant do with such a sum!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> And I think it's all bosh. That time +my foot was festering I had it doctored ever so long. I +spent nigh on five roubles on it,—then I gave up doctoring, +and it got all right!</p> + +<p><i>Discharged Cook on the oven coughs.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Ah, the old crony is here again!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Who might that man be?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> He used to be our master's cook. He comes to +see Loukérya.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Kitchen-master, as one might say. Then, +does he live here?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> No, they won't allow that. He's here one day, +there another. If he's got a copper he goes to a dosshouse; +but when he has drunk all, he comes here.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> How did he come to this?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Simply grew weak. And what a man he used +to be—like a gentleman! Went about with a gold watch; +got forty roubles a month wages. And now look at him! +He'd have starved to death long ago if it hadn't been for +Loukérya.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Servants' Cook with the sour cabbage.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB</span> [<i>to Servants' Cook</i>] I see you've got Paul Petróvitch +here again?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> And where's he to go to? Is he to go +and freeze?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170">170</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> What liquor does.… Liquor, let's say +… [<i>Clicks his tongue sympathetically</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Of course. A firm man's firm as a +rock; a weak man's weaker than water.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK</span> [<i>gets off the oven with trembling hands and +legs</i>] Loukérya, I say, give us a drop!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> What are you up to? I'll give you +such a drop!…</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK.</span> Have you no conscience? I'm dying! +Brothers, a copper …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Get back on the oven, I tell you!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK.</span> Half a glass only, cook, for Heaven's +sake! I say, do you understand? I ask you in the name +of Heaven, now!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Come along, here's some tea for you.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK.</span> Tea; what is tea? Weak, sloppy +stuff. A little vódka—just one little drop … Loukérya!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Poor old soul, what agony it is!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> You'd better give him some.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK</span> [<i>gets out a bottle and fills a wine-glass</i>] +Here you are; you'll get no more.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK</span> [<i>clutches hold of it and drinks, trembling +all over</i>] Loukérya, Cook! I am drinking, and you must +understand …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Now then, stop your chatter! Get on +to the oven, and let not a breath of you be heard! [<i>The +old Cook meekly begins to climb up, muttering something to +himself</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> What it is, when a man gives way to +his weakness!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it—human weakness.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> That goes without saying.</p> + +<p><i>The Discharged Cook settles down, muttering all the time. +Silence.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> I want to ask you something: that +girl of Aksínya's as comes from our village and is living +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171">171</a></span>here. How is she? What is she like? How is she +living—I mean, does she live honest?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> She's a nice girl; one can say nothing but good +of her.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> I'll tell you straight, daddy; I know +this here establishment out and out, and if you mean to +have Tánya for your son's wife—be quick about it, before +she comes to grief, or else she'll not escape!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Yes, that's true. A while ago we had a girl here, +Nataly. She was a good girl too. And she was lost +without rhyme or reason. No better than that chap! +[<i>Pointing to the old Cook</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> There's enough to dam a mill-pool, +with the likes of us, as perish! 'Cos why, every one is +tempted by the easy life and the good food. And see +there,—as soon as one has tasted the good food she goes +and slips. And once she's slipped, they don't want her, +but get a fresh one in her place. So it was with dear +little Nataly; she also slipped, and they turned her out. +She had a child and fell ill, and died in the hospital last +spring. And what a girl she used to be!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord! People are weak; they +ought to be pitied.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK.</span> Those devils pity? No fear! [<i>He +hangs his legs down from the oven</i>] I have stood roasting +myself by the kitchen range for thirty years, and now +that I am not wanted, I may go and die like a dog.… +Pity indeed!…</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. It's the old circumstances.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span></p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 28em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">While they drank and they fed, you were “curly head.”<br /></span> +<span class="i0">When they'd finished the prog, 'twas “Get out, mangy dog!”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK.</span> Much you know. What is “Sautey a +la Bongmont”? What is “Bavassary”? Oh, the things +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172">172</a></span>I could make! Think of it! The Emperor tasted my +work, and now the devils want me no longer. But I +am not going to stand it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Now then, stop that noise, mind.… +Get up right into the corner, so that no one can see you, +or else Theodore Ivánitch or some one may come in, and +both you and me'll be turned out! [<i>Silence</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> And do you know my part of the country? I'm +from Voznesénsky.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Not know it? Why, it's no more'n +ten miles from our village; not <em>that</em> across the ford! Do +you cultivate any land there?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> My brother does, and I send my wages. Though +I live here, I am dying for a sight of home.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Then Anísim is your brother?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Own brother. He lives at the farther end of the +village.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Of course, I know; his is the third +house.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Tánya, running.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Jacob, what are you doing, amusing yourself +here? She is calling you!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> I'm coming; but what's up?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Frisk is barking; it's hungry. And she's scolding +you. “How cruel he is,” she says. “He's no feeling,” +she says. “It's long past Frisk's dinner-time, and +he has not brought her food!” [<i>Laughs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB</span> [<i>rises to go</i>] Oh, she's cross? What's going to +happen now, I wonder?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Here, take the cabbage with you.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> All right, give it here. [<i>Takes basin, and exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Who is going to dine now?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Why, the dog! It's her dog. [<i>Sits down and takes +up the tea-pot</i>] Is there any more tea? I've brought some. +[<i>Puts fresh tea into the tea-pot.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173">173</a></span> +<span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Dinner for a dog?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, of course! They prepare a special cutlet +for her; it must not be too fat. And I do the washing—the +dog's washing, I mean.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Oh Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> It's like that gentleman who had a funeral for +his dog.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> What's that?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Why, some one told me he had a dog—I mean the +gentleman had a dog. And it died. It was winter, and he +went in his sledge to bury that dog. Well, he buried it, and +on the way home he sits and cries—the gentleman does. +Well, there was such a bitter frost that the coachman's +nose keeps running, and he has to keep wiping it. Let me +fill your cup! [<i>Fills it</i>] So he keeps wiping his nose, and +the gentleman sees it, and says, “What are you crying +about?” And the coachman, he says, “Why, sir, how can +I help it; is there another dog like him?” [<i>Laughs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> And I daresay he thinks to himself, +“If your own self was to kick the bucket I'd not cry.” +[<i>Laughs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK</span> [<i>from up on the oven</i>] That is true; that's +right!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well, the gentleman, he gets home and goes +straight to his lady: “What a good-hearted man our +coachman is; he was crying all the way home about poor +Dash. Have him called.… Here, drink this glass of +vódka,” he says, “and here's a rouble as a reward for +you.” That's just like her saying Jacob has no feelings +for her dog! [<i>The Peasants laugh</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's the style!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> That was a go!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Ay, lassie, but you've set us a-laughing!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>pouring out more tea</i>] Have some more! Yes, it +only seems that our life is pleasant; but sometimes it is +very disgusting,—clearing up all their messes! Faugh! It's +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174">174</a></span>better in the country. [<i>Peasants turn their cups upside-down, +as a polite sign that they have had enough. Tánya pours out +more tea</i>] Have some more, Efím Antónitch. I'll fill your +cup, Mítry Vlásitch.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> All right, fill it, fill it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Well, dear, and what progression is our +business making?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> It's getting on …</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a name="business"></a> +<img src="images/p174-insert.png" width="600" height="393" alt="" title="" /> +<div class="caption smcap">FRUITS OF CULTURE. Act II.</div> +<div class="caption" style="text-align: justify; margin-left: 2em; margin-right: 2em;"><span class="smcap">First Peasant.</span> Well, dear, and what progression is our business making?<br/> +<span class="smcap">Tánya.</span> It's getting on …</div> +</div> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Simon told us …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>quickly</i>] Did he?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> But he could not make us understand.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I can't tell you now, but I'm doing my best—all +I can! And I've got your paper here! [<i>Shows the paper +hidden under the bib of her apron</i>] If only one thing succeeds.… +[<i>Shrieks</i>] Oh, how nice it would be!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Don't lose that paper, mind. It has cost +money.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Never fear. You only want him to sign it? Is +that all?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Why, what else? Let's say he's signed +it, and it's done! [<i>Turns his cup upside-down</i>] I've had +enough.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>aside</i>] He'll sign it; you'll see he will… Have +some more. [<i>Pours out tea</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> If only you get this business about the +sale of the land settled, the Commune would pay your +marriage expenses. [<i>Refuses the tea</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>pouring out tea</i>] Do have another cup.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> You get it done, and we'll arrange your +marriage, and I myself, let's say, will dance at the wedding. +Though I've never danced in all my born days, I'll dance +then!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>laughing</i>] All right, I'll be in hopes of it. [<i>Silence</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT</span> [<i>examines Tánya</i>] That's all very well, +but you're not fit for peasant work.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Who? I? Why, don't you think me strong +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175">175</a></span>enough? You should see me lacing up my mistress. +There's many a peasant couldn't tug as hard.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Where do you tug her to?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well, there's a thing made with bone, like—something +like a stiff jacket, only up to here! Well, and I pull +the strings just as when you saddle a horse—when you … +what d'ye call it? You know, when you spit on your hands!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Tighten the girths, you mean.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, yes, that's it. And you know I mustn't +shove against her with my knee. [<i>Laughs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Why do you pull her in?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> For a reason!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Why, is she doing penance?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> No, it's for beauty's sake!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's to say, you pull in her paunch for +appearance' sake.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Sometimes I lace her up so that her eyes are +ready to start from her head, and she says, “Tighter,” till +my hands tingle. And you say I'm not strong! [<i>Peasants +laugh and shake their heads</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> But here, I've been jabbering. [<i>Runs away, +laughing</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Ah, the lassie has made us laugh!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> She's a tidy one!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> She's not bad.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Sahátof and Vasíly Leoníditch. Sahátof holds a teaspoon +in his hand.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Not exactly a dinner, but a <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">déjeuner +dinatoire</i>. And first-rate it was, I tell you. Ham of sucking-pig, +delicious! Roulier feeds one splendidly! I've +only just returned. [<i>Sees Peasants</i>] Ah, the peasants are +here again!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Yes, yes, that's all very well, but we came here +to hide this article. Where shall we hide it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Excuse me a moment. [<i>To <ins title="Servants">Servants'</ins> +Cook</i>] Where are the dogs?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176">176</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> In the coachman's quarters. You can't +keep dogs in the servants' kitchen!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Ah, in the coachman's quarters? All +right.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> I am waiting.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Excuse me, please. Eh, what? Hide +it? I'll tell you what. Let's put it into one of the peasants' +pockets. That one. I say, where's your pocket? Eh, +what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> What for d'ye want my pocket? You're +a good 'un! My pocket! There's money in my pocket!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Where's your bag, then?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> What for?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> What d'you mean? That's the young +master!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>laughs. To Sahátof</i>] D'you know why +he's so frightened? Shall I tell you? He's got a heap of +money. Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Yes, yes, I see. Well, you talk to them a bit, +and I'll put it into that bag without being observed, so +that they should not notice and could not point it out to +him. Talk to them.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> All right! [<i>To Peasants</i>] Well then, +old fellows, how about the land? Are you buying it? +Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> We have made an offering, so to say, with +our whole heart. But there,—the business don't come into +action nohow.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> You should not be so stingy! Land +is an important matter! I told you about planting mint. +Or else tobacco would also do.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. Every kind of producks.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> And you help us, master. Ask your +father. Or else how are we to live? There's so little +land. A fowl, let's say, there's not enough room for a +fowl to run about.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177">177</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>having put the spoon into a bag belonging to the +Third Peasant</i>] <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">C'est fait.</i> Ready. Come along. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> So don't be stingy! Eh? Well, +good-bye. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Didn't I say, come to some lodging-house? +Well, supposing we'd had to give three-pence +each, then at least we'd have been in peace. As to here, +the Lord be merciful! “Give us the money,” he says. +What's that for?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> He's drunk, I daresay.</p> + +<p><i>Peasants turn their cups upside-down, rise, and cross themselves.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> And d'you mind what a saying he threw +out? Sowing mint! One must know how to understand +them, that one must!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Sow mint indeed! He'd better bend +his own back at that work, and then it's not mint he'll +hanker after, no fear! Well, many thanks!… And +now, good woman, would you tell us where we could lie +down to sleep?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> One of you can lie on the oven, and the +others on these benches.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Christ save you! [<i>Prays, crossing himself</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> If only by God's help we get our business +settled! [<i>Lies down</i>] Then to-morrow, after dinner, +we'd be off by the train, and on Tuesday we'd be home +again.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Are you going to put out the light?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Put it out? Oh no! They'll keep +running down here, first for one thing then another.… +You lie down, I'll lower it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> How is one to live, having so little +land? Why, this year, I have had to buy corn since +Christmas. And the oat-straw is all used up. I'd like to +get hold of ten acres, and then I could take Simon back.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178">178</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> You're a man with a family. You'd +get the land cultivated without trouble. If only the +business comes off.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> We must pray to the Holy Virgin, +maybe she'll help us out. [<i>Silence, broken by sighs. Then +footsteps and voices are heard outside. The door opens. Enter +Grossman hurriedly, with his eyes bandaged, holding Sahátof's +hand, and followed by the Professor and the Doctor, the Fat +Lady and Leoníd Fyódoritch, Betsy and Petrístchef, Vasíly +Leoníditch and Márya Konstantínovna, Anna Pávlovna and +the Baroness, Theodore Ivánitch and Tánya</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Peasants jump up. Grossman comes forward stepping +quickly, then stops.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> You need not trouble yourselves; I have +undertaken the task of observing, and am strictly +fulfilling my duty! Mr. Sahátof, are you not leading +him?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Of course not!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> You must not lead him, but neither must you +resist! [<i>To Leoníd Fyódoritch</i>] I know these experiments. +I have tried them myself. Sometimes I used to feel a +certain effluence, and as soon as I felt it …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> May I beg of you to keep perfect +silence?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Oh, I understand so well! I have experienced +it myself. As soon as my attention was diverted I +could no longer …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Sh …!</p> + +<p><i>Grossman goes about, searches near the First and Second +Peasants, then approaches the Third, and stumbles over a +bench.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BARONESS.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Mais dites-moi, on le paye?</i><a name="FNanchor_6_6" href="#Footnote_6_6" class="fnanchor">[6]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Je ne saurais vous dire.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179">179</a></span> +<span class="speaker">BARONESS.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Mais c'est un monsieur?</i><a name="FNanchor_7_7" href="#Footnote_7_7" class="fnanchor">[7]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Oh, oui!</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BARONESS.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Ça tient du miraculeux. N'est ce pas? Comment +est-ce qu'il trouve?</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Je ne saurais vous dire. Mon mari vous +l'expliquera.</i> [<i>Noticing Peasants, turns round, and sees the +Servants' Cook</i>] <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Pardon</i> … what is this?</p> + +<p><i>Baroness goes up to the group.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>to Servants' Cook</i>] Who let the peasants +in?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> Jacob brought them in.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Who gave Jacob the order?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> I can't say. Theodore Ivánitch has +seen them.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Leoníd!</p> + +<p><i>Leoníd Fyódoritch does not hear, being absorbed in the search, +and says, Sh …</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Theodore Ivánitch! What is the meaning +of this? Did you not see me disinfecting the whole +hall, and now the whole kitchen is infected, all the rye +bread, the milk …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I thought there would not be any +danger if they came here. The men have come on +business. They have far to go, and are from our village.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> That's the worst of it! They are from +the Koursk village, where people are dying of diphtheria +like flies! But the chief thing is, I ordered them +out of the house!… Did I, or did I not? [<i>Approaches +the others that have gathered round the Peasants</i>] Be +careful! Don't touch them—they are all infected with +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180">180</a></span>diphtheria! [<i>No one heeds her, and she steps aside in a +dignified manner and stands quietly waiting</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF</span> [<i>sniffs loudly</i>] I don't know if it is diphtheria, +but there is some kind of infection in the air. +Don't you notice it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Stop your nonsense! Vovo, which bag is it in?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> That one, that one. He is getting +near, very near!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Is it spirits divine, or spirits of wine?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Now your cigarette comes in handy for once. +Smoke closer, closer to me.</p> + +<p><i>Petrístchef leans over her and smokes at her.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> He's getting near, I tell you. Eh, +what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN</span> [<i>searches excitedly round the Third Peasant</i>] It is +here; I feel it is!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Do you feel an effluence? [<i>Grossman stoops +and finds the spoon in the bag</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ALL.</span> Bravo! [<i>General enthusiasm</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Ah! So that's where our spoon +was. [<i>To Peasants</i>] Then that's the sort you are!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> What sort? I didn't take your spoon! +What are you making out? I didn't take it, and my +soul knows nothing about it. I didn't take it—there! +Let him do what he likes. I knew he came here for no +good. “Where's your bag?” says he. I didn't take it, +the Lord is my witness! [<i>Crosses himself</i>] I didn't take +it!</p> + +<p><i>The young people group round the Peasant, laughing.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>angrily to his son</i>] Always playing +the fool! [<i>To the Third Peasant</i>] Never mind, friend! +We know you did not take it; it was only an experiment.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN</span> [<i>removes bandage from his eyes, and pretends to be +coming to</i>] Can I have a little water? [<i>All fuss round +him</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Let's go straight from here into the +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181">181</a></span>coachman's room. I've got a bitch there—<i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr"><ins title="épâtante">épatante</ins></i>!<a name="FNanchor_8_8" href="#Footnote_8_8" class="fnanchor">[8]</a> +Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> What a horrid word. Couldn't you say dog?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> No. I can't say—Betsy is a man, +<i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr"><ins title="épâtant">épatant</ins></i>. I should have to say young woman; it's a parallel +case. Eh, what? Márya Konstantínovna, isn't it true? +Good, eh? [<i>Laughs loudly</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> Well, let us go. [<i>Exeunt Márya +Konstantínovna, Betsy, Petrístchef, and Vasíly Leoníditch</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>to Grossman</i>] Well? how are you? Have +you rested? [<i>Grossman does not answer. To Sahátof</i>] And +you, Mr. Sahátof, did you feel the effluence?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> I felt nothing. Yes, it was very fine—very +fine. Quite a success!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BARONESS.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Admirable! Ça ne le fait pas souffrir?</i><a name="FNanchor_9_9" href="#Footnote_9_9" class="fnanchor">[9]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Pas le moins du monde.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>to Grossman</i>] May I trouble you? [<i>Hands +him a thermometer</i>] At the beginning of the experiment +it was 37 decimal 2, degrees.<a name="FNanchor_10_10" href="#Footnote_10_10" class="fnanchor">[10]</a> [<i>To Doctor</i>] That's right, +I think? Would you mind feeling his pulse? Some +loss is inevitable.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR</span> [<i>to Grossman</i>] Now then, sir, let's have your +hand; we'll see, we'll see. [<i>Takes out his watch, and feels +Grossman's pulse</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>to Grossman</i>] One moment! The condition +you were in could not be called sleep?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN</span> [<i>wearily</i>] It was hypnosis.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> In that case, are we to understand that you +hypnotised yourself?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN.</span> And why not? An hypnotic state may ensue +not only in consequence of association—the sound of the +tom-tom, for instance, in Charcot's method—but by merely +entering an hypnogenetic zone.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182">182</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Granting that, it would still be desirable to +define what hypnotism is, more exactly?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Hypnotism is a phenomenon resulting from +the transmutation of one energy into another.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN.</span> Charcot does not so define it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> A moment, just a moment! That is your +definition, but Liébault told me himself …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR</span> [<i>lets go of Grossman's pulse</i>] Ah, that's all right; +well now, the temperature?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>interrupting</i>] No, allow me! I agree with the +Professor. And here's the very best proof. After my +illness, when I lay insensible, a desire to speak came over +me. In general I am of a silent disposition, but then +I was overcome by this desire to speak, and I spoke and +spoke, and I was told that I spoke in such a way that +every one was astonished! [<i>To Sahátof</i>] But I think I +interrupted you?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>with dignity</i>] Not at all. Pray continue.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Pulse 82, and the temperature has risen three-tenths +of a degree.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> There you are! That's a proof! That's just +as it should be. [<i>Takes out pocket-book and writes</i>] 82, yes? +And 37 and 5. When the hypnotic state is induced, it +invariably produces a heightened action of the heart.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> I can, as a medical man, bear witness that your +prognosis was justified by the event.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>to Sahátof</i>] You were saying?…</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> I wished to say that Liébault told me himself +that the hypnotic is only one particular psychical +state, increasing susceptibility to suggestion.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> That is so, but still the law of equivalents is +the chief thing.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN.</span> Moreover, Liébault is far from being an +authority, while Charcot has studied the subject from all +sides, and has proved that hypnotism produced by a blow, +a trauma …</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183">183</a></span></p> +<table class="together" summary="All talking together"> +<tr> + <td rowspan="3" style="width: 6em;"><i>All talking together.</i></td> + <td style="border-bottom: 1px solid black; border-right: 1px solid black;"> </td> + <td rowspan="3" style="border-top: 1px solid black; border-bottom: 1px solid black;"> </td> + <td style="padding-top: 0.5em; padding-bottom: 0.5em;"><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Yes, but I don't reject Charcot's labour. +I know him also, I am only repeating what Liébault +told me …</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td rowspan="2" style="border-right: 1px solid black;"> </td> + <td style="padding-top: 0.5em; padding-bottom: 0.5em;"><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN</span> [<i>excitedly</i>] There are 3000 patients in +the Salpêtrière, and I have gone through the whole +course.</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td style="padding-top: 0.5em; padding-bottom: 0.5em; border-bottom: 0px solid white;"><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Excuse me, gentlemen, but that is not +the point.</td> +</tr> +</table> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>interrupting</i>] One moment, I will explain it to +you in two words? When my husband was ill, all the +doctors gave him up …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> However, we had better go upstairs +again. Baroness, this way!</p> + +<p><i>Exeunt Grossman, Sahátof, Professor, Doctor, the Fat Lady, +and Baroness, talking loudly and interrupting each other.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>catching hold of Leoníd Fyódoritch's arm</i>] +How often have I asked you not to interfere in household +matters! You think of nothing but your nonsense, and +the whole house is on my shoulders. You will infect us all!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> What? How? I don't understand +what you mean.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> How? Why, people ill of diphtheria +sleep in the kitchen, which is in constant communication +with the whole house.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, but I …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> What, I?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> I know nothing about it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> It's your duty to know, if you are the +head of the family. Such things must not be done.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> But I never thought … I thought …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> It is sickening to listen to you! [<i>Leoníd +Fyódoritch remains silent</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>to Theodore Ivánitch</i>] Turn them out at +once! They are to leave my kitchen immediately! It is +terrible! No one listens to me; they do it out of <ins title="spite. ..">spite.…</ins> +I turn them out from there, and they bring them in +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184">184</a></span>here! And with my illness … [<i>Gets more and more excited, +and at last begins to cry</i>] Doctor! Doctor! Peter +Petróvitch!… He's gone <ins title="too!. .">too!…</ins> [<i>Exit, sobbing, +followed by Leoníd Fyódoritch</i>].</p> + +<p><i>All stand silent for a long time.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> Botheration take them all! If one don't +mind, the police will be after one here. And I have never +been to law in all my born days. Let's go to some lodging-house, +lads!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>to Tánya</i>] What are we to do?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Never mind, Theodore Ivánitch, let them sleep +with the coachman.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> How can we do that? The coachman +was complaining as it is, that his place is full of dogs.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well then, the porter's lodge.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> And supposing it's found out?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> It won't be found out! Don't trouble about +that, Theodore Ivánitch. How can one turn them out +now, at night? They'll not find anywhere to go to.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well, do as you please. Only they +must go away from here. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Peasants take their bags.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DISCHARGED COOK.</span> Oh those damned fiends! It's all +their fat! Fiends!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SERVANTS' COOK.</span> You be quiet there. Thank goodness +they didn't see you!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well then, daddy, come along to the porter's lodge.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Well, but how about our business? How, +for example, about the applience of his hand to the signature? +May we be in hopes?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> We'll see in an hour's time.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> You'll do the trick?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>laughs</i>] Yes, God willing!</p> + +<p class="center curtain"><i>Curtain.</i></p> + + + +<div class="new-h2"> </div> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185">185</a></span></p> +<h2>ACT III</h2> + +<p class="scene">Evening of the same day. The small drawing-room in +Leoníd Fyódoritch's house, where the séances are always held. +Leoníd Fyódoritch and the Professor.</p> + + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well then, shall we risk a séance +with our new medium?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Yes, certainly. He is a powerful medium, +there is no doubt about it. And it is especially desirable +that the séance should take place to-day with the +same people. Grossman will certainly respond to the +influence of the mediumistic energy, and then the connection +and identity of the different phenomena will +be still more evident. You will see then that, if the +medium is as strong as he was just now, Grossman will +vibrate.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Then I will send for Simon and ask +those who wish to attend to come in.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Yes, all right! I will just jot down a few +notes. [<i>Takes out his note-book and writes</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Enter Sahátof.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> They have just settled down to whist in Anna +Pávlovna's drawing-room, and as I am not wanted there—and +as I am interested in your séance—I have put in +an appearance here. But will there be a séance?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, certainly!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> In spite of the absence of Mr. Kaptchítch's +mediumistic powers?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Vous avez la main heureuse.</i><a name="FNanchor_11_11" href="#Footnote_11_11" class="fnanchor">[11]</a> Fancy, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186">186</a></span>that very peasant whom I mentioned to you this morning, +turns out to be an undoubted medium.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Dear me! Yes, that is peculiarly interesting!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, we tried a few preliminary +experiments with him just after dinner.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> So you've had time already to experiment, and +to convince yourself …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, perfectly! And he turns out +to be an exceptionally powerful medium.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>incredulously</i>] Dear me!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> It turns out that it has long been +noticed in the servants' hall. When he sits down to table, +the spoon springs into his hand of its own accord! [<i>To +the Professor</i>] Had you heard about it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> No, I had not heard that detail.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>to the Professor</i>]. But still, you admit the possibility +of such phenomena?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> What phenomena?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Well, spiritualistic, mediumistic, and supernatural +phenomena in general.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> The question is, what do we consider supernatural? +When, not a living man but a piece of stone +attracted a nail to itself, how did the phenomena strike the +first observers? As something natural? Or supernatural?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Well, of course; but phenomena such as the +magnet attracting iron always repeat themselves.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> It is just the same in this case. The phenomenon +repeats itself and we experiment with it. And +not only that, but we apply to the phenomena we are +investigating the laws common to other phenomena. +These phenomena seem supernatural only because their +causes are attributed to the medium himself. But that +is where the mistake lies. The phenomena are not caused +by the medium, but by psychic energy acting through a +medium, and that is a very different thing. The whole +matter lies in the law of equivalents.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187">187</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Yes, certainly, but …</p> + +<p><i>Enter Tánya, who hides behind the hangings.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Only remember that we cannot +reckon on any results with certainty, with this medium +any more than with Home or Kaptchítch. We may not +succeed, but on the other hand we may even have perfect +materialisation.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Materialisation even? What do you mean by +materialisation?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Why, I mean that some one who is +dead—say, your father or your grandfather—may appear, +take you by the hand, or give you something; or else +some one may suddenly rise into the air, as happened to +Alexéy Vladímiritch last time.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Of course, of course. But the chief thing +is the explanation of the phenomena, and the application +to them of general laws.</p> + +<p><i>Enter the Fat Lady.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Anna Pávlovna has allowed me to join you.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Very pleased.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Oh, how tired Grossman seems! He could +scarcely hold his cup. Did you notice [<i>to the Professor</i>] +how pale he turned at the moment he approached the +hiding-place? I noticed it at once, and was the first to +mention it to Anna Pávlovna.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Undoubtedly,—loss of vital energy.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Yes, it's just as I say, one should not abuse +that sort of thing. You know, a hypnotist once suggested +to a friend of mine, Véra Kónshin (oh, you know her, +of course)—well, he suggested that she should leave off +smoking,—and her back began to ache!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>trying to have his say</i>] The temperature and +the pulse clearly indicate …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> One moment! Allow me! Well, I said to +her: it's better to smoke than to suffer so with one's nerves. +Of course, smoking is injurious; I should like to give it +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188">188</a></span>up myself, but, do what I will, I can't! Once I managed +not to smoke for a fortnight, but could hold out no longer.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>again trying to speak</i>] Clearly proves …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Yes, no! Allow me, just one word! You +say, “loss of strength.” And I was also going to say that, +when I travelled with post-horses … the roads used +to be dreadful in those days—you don't remember—but I +have noticed that all our nervousness comes from railways! +I, for instance, can't sleep while travelling; I +cannot fall asleep to save my life!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>makes another attempt, which the Fat Lady +baffles</i>] The loss of strength …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>smiling</i>] Yes; oh yes!</p> + +<p><i>Leoníd Fyódoritch rings.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> I am awake one night, and another, and a +third, and still I can't sleep!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Gregory.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Please tell Theodore to get everything +ready for the séance, and send Simon here—Simon, +the butler's assistant,—do you hear?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Yes, sir. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>to Sahátof</i>]. The observation of the temperature +and the pulse have shown loss of vital +energy. The same will happen in consequence of the +mediumistic phenomena. The law of the conservation of +energy …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Oh yes, yes; I was just going to say that I +am very glad that a simple peasant turns out to be a +medium. That's very good. I always did say that the +Slavophils …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Let's go into the drawing-room in +the meantime.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Allow me, just one word! The Slavophils +are right; but I always told my husband that one ought +never to exaggerate anything! “The golden mean,” you +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189">189</a></span>know. What is the use of maintaining that the common +people are all perfect, when I have myself seen …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Won't you come into the drawing-room?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> A boy—that high—who drank! I gave him a +scolding at once. And he was grateful to me afterwards. +They are children, and, as I always say, children need +both love and severity!</p> + +<p><i>Exeunt all, all talking together.</i></p> + +<p><i>Tánya enters from behind the hangings.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Oh, if it would only succeed! [<i>Begins fastening +some threads</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Enter Betsy hurriedly.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Isn't papa here? [<i>Looks inquiringly at Tánya</i>] +What are you doing here?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Oh, Miss Elizabeth, I have only just come; I +only wished … only came in … [<i>Embarrassed</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> But they are going to have a séance here +directly. [<i>Notices Tánya drawing in the threads, looks at her, +and suddenly bursts out laughing</i>] Tánya! Why, it's you who +do it all? Now don't deny it. And last time it was you +too? Yes, it was, it was!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Miss Elizabeth, dearest!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>delighted</i>] Oh, that is a joke! Well, I never. +But why do you do it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Oh miss, dear miss, don't betray me!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Not for the world! I'm awfully glad. Only +tell me how you manage it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well, I just hide, and then, when it's all dark, I +come out and do it. That's how.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>pointing to threads</i>] And what is this for? You +needn't tell me. I see; you draw …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Miss Elizabeth, darling! I will confess it, but +only to you. I used to do it just for fun, but now I mean +business.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> What? How? What business?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190">190</a></span> +<span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well, you see, those peasants that came this +morning, you saw them. They want to buy some land, +and your father won't sell it; well, and Theodore Ivánitch, +he says it's the spirits as forbid him. So I have had a +thought as …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Oh, I see! Well, you are a clever girl! Do it, +do it.… But how will you manage it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well, I thought, when they put out the lights, +I'll at once begin knocking and shying things about, +touching their heads with the threads, and at last I'll +take the paper about the land and throw it on the table. +I've got it here.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Well, and then?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Why, don't you see? They will be astonished. +The peasants had the paper, and now it's here. I will +teach …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Why, of course! Simon is the medium to-day!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well, I'll teach him … [<i>Laughs so that she +can't continue</i>] I'll tell him to squeeze with his hands any +one he can get hold of! Of course, not your father—he'd +never dare do that—but any one else; he'll squeeze till +it's signed.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>laughing</i>] But that's not the way it is done. +Mediums never do anything themselves.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Oh, never mind. It's all one; I daresay it'll +turn out all right.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Theodore Ivánitch.</i></p> + +<p><i>Exit Betsy, making signs to Tánya.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Why are you here?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> It's you I want, Theodore Ivánitch, dear …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well, what is it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> About that affair of mine as I spoke of.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>laughs</i>] I've made the match; yes, +I've made the match. The matter is settled; we have +shaken hands on it, only not had a drink on it.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191">191</a></span> +<span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>with a shriek</i>] Never! So it's all right?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Don't I tell you so? He says, “I +shall consult the missus, and then, God willing …”</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Is that what he said? [<i>Shrieks</i>] Dear Theodore +Ivánitch, I'll pray for you all the days of my life!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> All right! All right! Now is not +the time. I've been ordered to arrange the room for the +séance.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Let me help you. How's it to be arranged?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> How? Why, the table in the +middle of the room—chairs—the guitar—the accordion. +The lamp is not wanted, only candles.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>helps Theodore Ivánitch to place the things</i>] Is that +right? The guitar here, and here the inkstand. [<i>Places +it</i>] So?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Can it be true that they'll make +Simon sit here?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I suppose so; they've done it once.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Wonderful! [<i>Puts on his pince-nez</i>] +But is he clean?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> How should I know?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Then, I'll tell you <ins title="what . .">what …</ins></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, Theodore Ivánitch?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Go and take a nail-brush and some +Pears' soap; you may take mine … and go and cut his +claws and scrub his hands as clean as possible.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> He can do it himself.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well then, tell him to. And tell +him to put on a clean shirt as well.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> All right, Theodore Ivánitch. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>sits down in an easy-chair</i>] They're +educated and learned—Alexéy Vladímiritch now, he's a +professor—and yet sometimes one can't help doubting +very much. The people's rude superstitions are being +abolished: hobgoblins, sorcerers, witches.… But if one +considers it, is not this equally superstitious? How is it +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192">192</a></span>possible that the souls of the dead should come and talk, +and play the guitar? No! Some one is fooling them, or +they are fooling themselves. And as to this business with +Simon—it's simply incomprehensible. [<i>Looks at an album</i>] +Here's their spiritualistic album. How is it possible to +photograph a spirit? But here is the likeness of a Turk +and Leoníd Fyódoritch sitting by.… Extraordinary +human weakness!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Leoníd Fyódoritch.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Is it all ready?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>rising leisurely</i>] Quite ready. [<i>Smiles</i>] +Only I don't know about your new medium. I hope he +won't disgrace you, Leoníd Fyódoritch.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> No, I and Alexéy Vladímiritch have +tested him. He is a wonderfully powerful medium!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well, I don't know. But is he +clean enough? I don't suppose you have thought of +ordering him to wash his hands? It might be rather +inconvenient.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> His hands? Oh yes! They're not +clean, you think?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> What can you expect? He's a +peasant, and there will be ladies present, and Márya +Vasílevna.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> It will be all right.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> And then I have something to report +to you. Timothy, the coachman, complains that he can't +keep things clean because of the dogs.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>arranging the things on the table absent-mindedly</i>] +What dogs?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> The three hounds that came for +Vasíly Leoníditch to-day.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>vexed</i>] Tell Anna Pávlovna! She +can do as she likes about it. I have no time.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> But you know her weakness …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> 'Tis just as she likes, let her do as +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193">193</a></span>she pleases. As for him,—one never gets anything but +unpleasantness from him. Besides, I am busy.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Simon, smiling; he has a sleeveless peasant's coat on.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> I was ordered to come.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, it's all right. Let me see your +hands. That will do, that will do very well! Well then, +my good fellow, you must do just as you did before,—sit +down, and give way to your mood. But don't think at all.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Why should I think? The more one thinks, +the worse it is.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Just so, just so, exactly! The less +conscious one is, the greater is the power. Don't think, +but give in to your mood. If you wish to sleep, sleep; if +you wish to walk, walk. Do you understand?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> How could one help understanding? It's simple +enough.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> But above all, don't be frightened. +Because you might be surprised yourself. You must +understand that just as we live here, so a whole world of +invisible spirits live here also.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>improving on what Leoníd Fyódoritch +has said</i>] Invisible feelings, do you understand?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON</span> [<i>laughs</i>] How can one help understanding! It's +very plain as you put it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> You may rise up in the air, or something +of the kind, but don't be frightened.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Why should I be frightened? That won't matter +at all.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well then, I'll go and call them +all.… Is everything ready?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> I think so.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> But the slates?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> They are downstairs. I'll bring +them. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> All right then. So don't be afraid, +but be at your ease.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194">194</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Had I not better take off my coat? One would +be more easy like.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Your coat? Oh no. Don't take +that off. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> She tells me to do the same again, and she will +again shy things about. How isn't she afraid?</p> + +<p><i>Enter Tánya in her stockings and in a dress of the colour of +the wall-paper. Simon laughs.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Shsh!… They'll hear! There, stick these +matches on your fingers as before. [<i>Sticks them on</i>] Well, +do you remember everything?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON</span> [<i>bending his fingers in, one by one</i>] First of all, wet +the matches and wave my hands about, that's one. Then +make my teeth chatter, like this … that's two. But +I've forgotten the third thing.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> And it's the third as is the chief thing. Don't +forget as soon as the paper falls on the table—I shall +ring the little bell—then you do like this.… Spread +your arms out far and catch hold of some one, whoever +it is as sits nearest, and catch hold of him. And then +squeeze! [<i>Laughs</i>] Whether it's a gentleman or a lady, it's +all one; you just squeeze 'em, and don't let 'em go,—as if +it were in your sleep, and chatter with your teeth, or else +howl like this. [<i>Howls sotto-voce</i>] And when I begin to play +on the guitar, then stretch yourself as if you were waking +up, you know.… Will you remember everything?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Yes, I'll remember, but it is too funny.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> But mind you don't laugh. Still, it won't +matter much if you do laugh; they'd think it was in your +sleep. Only take care you don't really fall asleep when +they put out the lights.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> No fear, I'll pinch my ears.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Well then Sim darling, only mind do as I tell +you, and don't get frightened. He'll sign the paper, see +if he don't! They're coming!</p> + +<p><i>Gets under the sofa.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195">195</a></span> +<i>Enter Grossman and the Professor, Leoníd Fyódoritch and +the Fat Lady, the Doctor, Sahátof and Anna Pávlovna. Simon +stands near the door.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Please come in, all you doubters! +Though we have a new and accidentally discovered +medium, I expect very important phenomena to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> That's very, very interesting.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>pointing to Simon</i>] <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Mais il est très bien!</i><a name="FNanchor_12_12" href="#Footnote_12_12" class="fnanchor">[12]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Yes, as a butler's assistant, but hardly …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Wives never have any faith in their husbands' +work. You don't believe in anything of this kind?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Of course not. Kaptchítch, it is true, +has something exceptional about him, but Heaven knows +what all this is about!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> No, Anna Pávlovna, permit me, you can't +decide it in such a way. Before I was married, I once +had a remarkable dream. Dreams, you know, are often +such that you don't know where they begin and where +they end; it was just such a dream that I …</p> + +<p><i>Enter Vasíly Leoníditch and Petrístchef.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> And much was revealed to me by that dream. +Nowadays the young people [<i>points to Petrístchef and Vasíly +Leoníditch</i>] deny everything.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> But look here, you know—now I, +for instance, never deny anything! Eh, what?</p> + +<p><i>Betsy and Márya Konstantínovna enter, and begin talking to +Petrístchef.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> And how can one deny the supernatural? +They say it is unreasonable. But what if one's reason +is stupid; what then? There now, on Garden Street, you +know … why, well, it appeared every evening! My +husband's brother—what do you call him? Not <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">beau-frère</i>—what's +the other name for it?—I never can remember +the names of these different relationships—well, he went +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196">196</a></span>there three nights running, and still he saw nothing; so +I said to him …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well, who is going to stay here?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> I! I!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> I.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>to Doctor</i>] Do you mean to say you are +going to stay?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Yes; I must see, if only once, what it is that +Alexéy Vladímiritch has discovered in it. How can we +deny anything without proofs?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Then I am to take it to-night for +certain?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Take what?… Oh, the powder. Yes, it +would perhaps be better. Yes, yes, take it.… However, +I shall come upstairs again.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Yes please, do. [<i>Loud</i>] When it is +over, <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">mesdames et messieurs</i>, I shall expect you to come to +me upstairs to rest from your emotions, and then we +will finish our rubber.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Oh, certainly.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Yes, thanks!</p> + +<p><i>Exit Anna Pávlovna.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>to Petrístchef</i>] You must stay, I tell you. I promise +you something extraordinary. Will you bet?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> But you don't believe in it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> To-day I do.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA</span> [<i>to Petrístchef</i>] And do you believe?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> “I can't believe, I cannot trust a heart +for falsehood framed.” Still, if Elizabeth Leonídovna +commands …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Let us stay, Márya Konstantínovna. +Eh, what? I shall invent something <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr"><ins title="épâtant">épatant</ins></i>.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">MÁRYA KONSTANTÍNOVNA.</span> No, you mustn't make me laugh. +You know I can't restrain myself.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH</span> [<i>loud</i>] I remain!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197">197</a></span> +<span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>severely</i>] But I beg those who remain +not to joke about it. It is a serious matter.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Do you hear? Well then, let's stay. +Vovo, sit here, and don't be too shy.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Yes, it's all very well for you to laugh; but just +wait till you see what will happen.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Oh, but supposing it's true? Won't +it be a go! Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF</span> [<i>trembles</i>] Oh, I'm afraid, I'm afraid! Márya +<ins title="Konstantínova">Konstantínovna</ins>, I'm afraid! My tootsies tremble.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>laughing</i>] Not so loud.</p> + +<p><i>All sit down.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Take your seats, take your seats. +Simon, sit down!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Yes, sir. [<i>Sits down on the edge of the chair</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Sit properly.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Sit straight in the middle of the chair, and +quite at your ease. [<i>Arranges Simon on his chair</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Betsy, Márya Konstantínovna and Vasíly Leoníditch laugh.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>raising his voice</i>] I beg those who +are going to remain here not to behave frivolously, but to +regard this matter seriously, or bad results might follow. +Do you hear, Vovo! If you can't be quiet, go away!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Quite quiet! [<i>Hides behind Fat Lady</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Alexéy Vladímiritch, will you mesmerise +him?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> No; why should I do it when Antón Borísitch +is here? He has had far more practice and has more +power in that department than I.… Antón Borísitch!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN.</span> Ladies and gentlemen, I am not, strictly +speaking, a spiritualist. I have only studied hypnotism. It +is true I have studied hypnotism in all its known manifestations; +but what is called spiritualism, is entirely unknown +to me. When a subject is thrown into a trance, I may +expect the hypnotic phenomena known to me: lethargy, +abulia, anæsthesia, analgesia, catalepsy, and every kind of +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198">198</a></span>susceptibility to suggestion. Here it is not these but +other phenomena we expect to observe. Therefore it +would be well to know of what kind are the phenomena +we expect to witness, and what is their scientific significance.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> I thoroughly agree with Mr. Grossman. Such +an explanation would be very interesting.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> I think Alexéy Vladímiritch will +not refuse to give us a short explanation.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Why not? I can give an explanation if it is +desired. [<i>To the Doctor</i>] Will you kindly note his temperature +and pulse? My explanation must, of necessity, be +cursory and brief.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, please; briefly, quite briefly.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> All right. [<i>Takes out thermometer</i>] Now then, +my lad … [<i>Places the thermometer</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Yes, sir!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>rising and addressing the Fat Lady—then +reseating himself</i>] Ladies and gentlemen! The phenomenon +we are investigating to-night is regarded, on the +one hand, as something new; and, on the other, as +something transcending the limits of natural conditions. +Neither view is correct. This phenomenon is not new +but is as old as the world; and it is not supernatural but +is subject to the eternal laws that govern all that exists. +This phenomenon has been usually defined as “intercourse +with the spirit world.” That definition is inexact. +Under such a definition the spirit world is contrasted with +the material world. But this is erroneous; there is +no such contrast! Both worlds are so closely connected +that it is impossible to draw a line of demarcation, separating +the one from the other. We say, matter is composed +of molecules …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Prosy matter! [<i>Whispering and laughter</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>pauses, then continues</i>] Molecules are composed +of atoms, but the atoms, having no extension, are +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199">199</a></span>in reality nothing but the points of application of forces. +Strictly speaking, not of forces but of energy, that same +energy which is as much a unity and just as indestructible +as matter. But matter, though one, has many different +aspects, and the same is true of energy. Till recently +only four forms of energy, convertible into one another, +have been known to us: energies known as the dynamic, +the thermal, the electric, and the chemic. But these four +aspects of energy are far from exhausting all the varieties +of its manifestation. The forms in which energy may +manifest itself are very diverse, and it is one of these new +and as yet but little known phases of energy, that we are +investigating to-night. I refer to mediumistic energy.</p> + +<p><i>Renewed whispering and laughter among the young people.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>stops and casts a severe look round</i>] Mediumistic +energy has been known to mankind for ages: prophecy, +presentiments, visions and so on, are nothing but manifestations +of mediumistic energy. The manifestations produced +by it have, I say, been known to mankind for ages. +But the energy itself has not been recognised as such till +quite recently—not till that medium, the vibrations of +which cause the manifestations of mediumistic energy, +was recognised. In the same way that the phenomena +of light were inexplicable until the existence of an +imponderable substance—an ether—was recognised, so +mediumistic phenomena seemed mysterious until the now +fully established fact was recognised, that between the +particles of ether there exists another still more rarified +imponderable substance not subject to the law of the +three dimensions …</p> + +<p><i>Renewed laughter, whispers, and giggling.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>again looks round severely</i>] And just as mathematical +calculations have irrefutably proved the existence +of imponderable ether which gives rise to the phenomena +of light and electricity, so the successive investigations +of the ingenious Hermann, of Schmidt, and of Joseph +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200">200</a></span>Schmatzhofen, have confirmed beyond a doubt the existence +of a substance which fills the universe and may be called +spiritual ether.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Ah, now I understand. I am so grateful …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, but Alexéy Vladímiritch, could +you not … condense it a little?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>not heeding the remark</i>] And so, as I have just +had the honour of mentioning to you, a succession of strictly +scientific experiments have made plain to us the laws of +mediumistic phenomena. These experiments have proved +that, when certain individuals are plunged into a hypnotic +state (a state differing from ordinary sleep only by the +fact that man's physiological activity is not lowered by the +hypnotic influence but, on the contrary, is always heightened—as +we have recently witnessed) when, I say, any +individual is plunged into such a state, this always produces +certain perturbations in the spiritual ether—perturbations +quite similar to those produced by plunging a solid +body into liquid matter. These perturbations are what we +call mediumistic phenomena …</p> + +<p><i>Laughter, and whispers.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> That is quite comprehensible and correct; but +if, as you are kind enough to inform us, the plunging of +the medium into a trance produces perturbations of the +spiritual ether, allow me to ask why (as is usually supposed +to be the case in spiritualistic séances) these perturbations +result in an activity on the part of the souls of dead +people?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> It is because the molecules of this spiritual +ether are nothing but the souls of the living, the dead, +and the unborn, and any vibration of the spiritual ether +must inevitably cause a certain vibration of its atoms. +These atoms are nothing but human souls, which enter +into communication with one another by means of these +movements.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201">201</a></span> +<span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>to Sahátof</i>] What is it that puzzles you? It +is so simple.… Thank you so, so much!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> I think everything has now been +explained, and that we may commence.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> The fellow is in a perfectly normal condition: +temperature 37 decimal 2, pulse 74.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>takes out his pocket-book and notes this down</i>] +What I have just had the honour of explaining will be +confirmed by the fact, which we shall presently have an +opportunity of observing, that after the medium has been +thrown into a trance his temperature and pulse will inevitably +rise, just as occurs in cases of hypnotism.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, yes. But excuse me a moment. +I should like to reply to Sergéy Ivánitch's question: How +do we know we are in communication with the souls of +the dead? We know it because the spirit that appears, +plainly tells us—as simply as I am speaking to you—who +he is, and why he has come, and whether all is well with +him! At our last séance a Spaniard, Don Castillos, came +to us, and he told us everything. He told us who he was, +and when he died, and that he was suffering for having +taken part in the Inquisition. He even told us what was +happening to him at the very time that he was speaking +to us, namely, that at the very time he was talking to us +he had to be born again on earth, and, therefore, could +not continue his conversation with us.… But you'll see +for yourselves …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>interrupting</i>] Oh, how interesting! Perhaps the +Spaniard was born in one of our houses and is a baby now!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Quite possibly.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> I think it is time we began.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> I was only going to say …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> It is getting late.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Very well. Then we will commence. +Antón Borísitch, be so good as to hypnotise the +medium.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202">202</a></span> +<span class="speaker">GROSSMAN.</span> What method would you like me to use? +There are several methods. There is Braid's system, +there is the Egyptian symbol, and there is Charcot's +system.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>to the Professor</i>] I think it is quite +immaterial.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Quite.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN.</span> Then I will make use of my own method, +which I showed in Odessa.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> If you please!</p> + +<p><i>Grossman waves his arms above Simon. Simon closes his +eyes and stretches himself.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN</span> [<i>looking closely at him</i>] He is falling asleep! +He is asleep! A remarkably rapid occurrence of hypnosis. +The subject has evidently already reached a state +of anæsthesia. He is remarkable,—an unusually impressionable +subject, and might be subjected to interesting +experiments!… [<i>Sits down, rises, sits down again</i>] +Now one might run a needle into his arm. If you +like …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>to Leoníd Fyódoritch</i>] Do you notice how the +medium's trance acts on Grossman? He is beginning to +vibrate.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, yes … can the lights be extinguished +now?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> But why is darkness necessary?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Darkness? Because it is a condition of the +manifestation of mediumistic energy, just as a given +temperature is a condition necessary for certain manifestations +of chemical or dynamic energy.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> But not always. Manifestations +have been observed by me, and by many others, both by +candlelight and daylight.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>interrupting</i>] May the lights be put out?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, certainly. [<i>Puts out candles</i>] +Ladies and gentlemen! attention, if you please.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203">203</a></span> +<i>Tánya gets from under the sofa and takes hold of a thread +tied to a chandelier.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> I like that Spaniard! Just in the midst +of a conversation—off he goes head downwards … as +the French say: <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">piquer une tête</i>.<a name="FNanchor_13_13" href="#Footnote_13_13" class="fnanchor">[13]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> You just wait a bit, and see what will happen!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> I have only one fear, and that is that Vovo +may be moved by the spirit to grunt like a pig!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Would you like me to? I will …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Gentlemen! Silence, if you please!</p> + +<p><i>Silence. Simon licks the matches on his fingers and rubs his +knuckles with them.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> A light! Do you see the light?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> A light? Yes, yes, I see; but allow me …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Where? Where? Oh dear, I did not see +it! Ah, there it is. Oh!…</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>whispers to Leoníd Fyódoritch, and points to +Grossman, who is moving</i>] Do you notice how he vibrates? +It is the dual influence. [<i>The light appears again</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>to the Professor</i>] It must be he—you +know!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Who?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> A Greek, Nicholas. It is his light. +Don't you think so, Alexéy Vladímiritch?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Who is this Greek, Nicholas?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> A certain Greek, who was a monk at Constantinople +under Constantine and who has been visiting +us lately.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Where is he? Where is he? I don't see +him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> He is not yet visible … Alexéy +Vladímiritch, he is particularly well disposed towards you. +You question him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>in a peculiar voice</i>] Nicholas! Is that you?</p> + +<p><i>Tánya raps twice on the wall.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204">204</a></span> +<span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>joyfully</i>] It is he! It is he!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Oh dear! Oh! I shall go away!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Why do you suppose it is he?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Why, the two knocks. It is an +affirmative answer; else all would have been silence.</p> + +<p><i>Silence. Suppressed giggling in the young people's corner. +Tánya throws a lampshade, pencil and penwiper upon the +table.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>whispers</i>] Do you notice, gentlemen, +here is a lamp-shade, and something else—a pencil!… +Alexéy Vladímiritch, it is a pencil!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> All right, all right! I am watching both +him and Grossman!</p> + +<p><i>Grossman rises and feels the things that have fallen on the +table.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Excuse me, excuse me! I should like to see +whether it is not the medium who is doing it all himself?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Do you think so? Well, sit by him +and hold his hands. But you may be sure he is asleep.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>approaches. Tánya lets a thread touch his head. +He is frightened, and stoops</i>]. Ye … ye … yes! Strange, +very strange! [<i>Takes hold of Simon's elbow. Simon howls</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>to Leoníd Fyódoritch</i>] Do you notice the +effect of Grossman's presence? It is a new phenomenon—I +must note it … [<i>Runs out to note it down, and returns +again</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes.… But we cannot leave +Nicholas without an answer. We must begin …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN</span> [<i>rises, approaches Simon and raises and lowers his +arm</i>] It would be interesting to produce contraction! The +subject is in profound hypnosis.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>to Leoníd Fyódoritch</i>] Do you see? Do you +see?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN.</span> If you like …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR.</span> Now then, my dear sir, leave the management +to Alexéy Vladímiritch, the affair is turning out serious.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205">205</a></span> +<span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Leave him alone, he [<i>referring to Grossman</i>] +is talking in his sleep!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> How glad I now am that I resolved to be +present! It is frightening, but all the same I am glad, for +I always said to my husband …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Silence, if you please.</p> + +<p><i>Tánya draws a thread over the Fat Lady's head.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Aie!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> What? What is it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> He took hold of my hair!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>whispers</i>] Never mind, don't be +afraid, give him your hand. His hand will be cold, but I +like it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>hides her hands</i>] Not for the world!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Yes, it is strange, very strange!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> He is here and is seeking for intercourse. +Who wishes to put a question to him?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> I should like to put a question, if I may.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Please do.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Do I believe or not?</p> + +<p><i>Tánya knocks twice.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> The answer is affirmative.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Allow me to ask again. Have I a ten rouble +note in my pocket?</p> + +<p><i>Tánya knocks several times and passes a thread over +Sahátof's head.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Ah! [<i>Seizes the thread and breaks it</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> I should ask those present not to ask indefinite +or trivial questions. It is unpleasant to <em>him</em>!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> No, but allow me! Here I have a thread in my +hand!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> A thread? Hold it fast; that +happens often, and not only threads but sometimes even +silk cords—very ancient ones!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> No—but where did this thread come from?</p> + +<p><i>Tánya throws a cushion at him.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206">206</a></span> +<span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> Wait a bit; wait! Something soft has hit me +on the head. Light a candle—there is something …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> We beg of you not to interrupt the manifestations.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> For goodness' sake don't interrupt! I should +also like to ask something. May I?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, if you like.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> I should like to ask about my digestion. May +I? I want to know what to take: aconite or belladonna?</p> + +<p><i>Silence, whispers among the young people; suddenly Vasíly +Leoníditch begins to cry like a baby: “ou-a, ou-a!” +[Laughter.] Holding their mouths and noses, the girls and +Petrístchef run away bursting with laughter.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Ah, that must be the monk who's been born +again!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>beside himself with anger, whispers</i>] +One gets nothing but tomfoolery from you! If you don't +know how to behave decently, go away!</p> + +<p><i>Exit Vasíly Leoníditch. Darkness and silence.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Oh, what a pity! Now one can't ask any +more! He is born!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Not at all. It is only Vovo's nonsense. +But <em>he</em> is here. Ask him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> That often happens. These jokes and ridicule +are quite usual occurrences. I expect <em>he</em> is still here. +But we may ask. Leoníd Fyódoritch, will you?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> No, you, if you please. This has +upset me. So unpleasant! Such want of tact!…</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Very well.… Nicholas, are you here?</p> + +<p><i>Tánya raps twice and rings. Simon roars, spreads his arms +out, seizes Sahátof and the Professor—squeezing them.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> What an unexpected phenomenon! The +medium himself reacted upon! This never happened +before! Leoníd Fyódoritch, will you watch? It is difficult +for me to do so. He squeezes me so! Mind you observe +Grossman! This needs the very greatest attention!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207">207</a></span> +<i>Tánya throws the peasants' paper on the table.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Something has fallen upon the table.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> See what it is!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Paper! A folded paper!</p> + +<p><i>Tánya throws a travelling inkstand on the table.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> An inkstand!</p> + +<p><i>Tánya throws a pen.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> A pen!</p> + +<p><i>Simon roars and squeezes.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>crushed</i>] Wait a bit, wait: a totally new manifestation! +The action proceeding not from the mediumistic +energy produced, but from the medium himself! However, +open the inkstand, and put the pen on the table, and +<em>he</em> will write!</p> + +<p><i>Tánya goes behind Leoníd Fyódoritch and strikes him on the +head with the guitar.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> He has struck me on the head! +[<i>Examining table</i>] The pen is not writing yet and the paper +remains folded.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> See what the paper is, and quickly; evidently +the dual influence—his and Grossman's—has produced +a perturbation!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>goes out and returns at once</i>] Extraordinary! +This paper is an agreement with some peasants +that I refused to sign this morning and returned to the +peasants. Probably <em>he</em> wants me to sign it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Of course! Of course! But ask him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Nicholas, do you wish …</p> + +<p><i>Tánya knocks twice.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Do you hear? It is quite evident!</p> + +<p><i>Leoníd Fyódoritch takes the paper and pen and goes out. +Tánya knocks, plays on the guitar and the accordion, and then +creeps under the sofa. Leoníd Fyódoritch returns. Simon +stretches himself and coughs.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> He is waking up. We can light +the candles.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208">208</a></span> +<span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>hurriedly</i>] Doctor, Doctor, please, his pulse +and temperature! You will see that a rise of both will be +apparent.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>lights the candles</i>] Well, what do you +gentlemen who were sceptical think of it now?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR</span> [<i>goes up to Simon and places thermometer</i>] Now +then my lad. Well, have you had a nap? There, put +that in there, and give me your hand. [<i>Looks at his +watch</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>shrugging his shoulders</i>] I must admit that all +that has occurred cannot have been done by the medium. +But the thread?… I should like the thread explained.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> A thread! A thread! We have +been witnessing manifestations more important than a +thread.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> I don't know. At all events, <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">je réserve mon +opinion</i>.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>to Sahátof</i>] Oh no, how can you say: “<i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">je +réserve mon opinion?</i>” And the infant with the little +wings? Didn't you see? At first I thought it was only +an illusion, but afterwards it became clearer and clearer, +like a live …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> I can only speak of what I have seen. I did +not see that—nothing of the kind.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> You don't mean to say so? Why, it was quite +plainly visible! And to the left there was a monk clothed +in black bending over it …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF</span> [<i>moves away. Aside</i>] What exaggeration!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>addressing the Doctor</i>] You must have seen it! +It rose up from your side.</p> + +<p><i>Doctor goes on counting pulse without heeding her.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY</span> [<i>to Grossman</i>] And that light, the light around +it, especially around its little face! And the expression so +mild and tender, something so heavenly! [<i>Smiles tenderly +herself</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN.</span> I saw phosphorescent light, and objects +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209">209</a></span>changed their places, but I saw nothing more than +that.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Don't tell me! You don't mean it! It is +simply that you scientists of Charcot's school do not believe +in a life beyond the grave! As for me, no one could +now make me disbelieve in a future life—no one in the +world!</p> + +<p><i>Grossman moves away from her.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> No, no, whatever you may say, this is one of +the happiest moments of my life! When I heard Sarasate +play, and now.… Yes! [<i>No one listens to her. She goes +up to Simon</i>] Now tell me, my friend, what did you feel? +Was it very trying?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON</span> [<i>laughs</i>] Yes, ma'm, just so.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> Still not unendurable?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Just so, ma'm. [<i>To Leoníd Fyódoritch</i>] Am I to +go?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, you may go.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOCTOR</span> [<i>to the Professor</i>] The pulse is the same, but the +temperature is lower.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Lower! [<i>Considers awhile, then suddenly +divines the conclusion</i>] It had to be so—it had to descend! +The dual influence crossing had to produce some kind +of reflex action. Yes, that's it!</p> + +<table class="together" summary="Exeunt, all talking at once"> +<tr> + <td rowspan="4" style="width: 6em;"><i>Exeunt, all talking at once.</i></td> + <td rowspan="2" style="border-bottom: 1px solid black; border-right: 1px solid black;"> </td> + <td rowspan="4" style="border-top: 1px solid black; border-bottom: 1px solid black;"> </td> + <td style="padding-top: 0.5em; padding-bottom: 0.5em;"><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> I'm only sorry we had no complete +materialisation. But still.… Come, gentlemen, +let us go to the drawing-room?</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td style="padding-top: 0.5em; padding-bottom: 0.5em;"><span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> What specially struck me was when he +flapped his wings, and one saw how he rose!</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td rowspan="2" style="border-right: 1px solid black;"> </td> + <td style="padding-top: 0.5em; padding-bottom: 0.5em;"><span class="speaker">GROSSMAN</span> [<i>to Sahátof</i>] If we had kept to hypnotism, +we might have produced a thorough state of epilepsy. +The success might have been complete!</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td style="padding-top: 0.5em; padding-bottom: 0.5em; border-bottom: 0px solid white;"><span class="speaker">SAHÁTOF.</span> It is very interesting, but not entirely +convincing. That is all I can say.</td> +</tr> +</table> + +<p><i>Enter Theodore Ivánitch.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH</span> [<i>with paper in his hand</i>] Ah, Theodore, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210">210</a></span>what a remarkable séance we have had! It turns +out that the peasants must have the land on their own terms.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Dear me!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Yes, indeed. [<i>Showing paper</i>] Fancy, +this paper that I returned to them, suddenly appeared on +the table! I have signed it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> How did it get there?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well, it did get there! [<i><ins title="Exit">Exit,</ins> +Theodore Ivánitch follows him out</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>gets from under the sofa and laughs</i>] Oh dear, oh +dear! Well, I did get a fright when he got hold of +the thread! [<i>Shrieks</i>] Well, anyhow, it's all right—he +has signed it!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Gregory.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> So it was you that was fooling them?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> What business is it of yours?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> And do you think the missis will be pleased +with you for it? No, you bet; you're caught now! I'll +tell them what tricks you're up to, if you don't let me have my way!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> And you'll not get your way, and you'll not do me any harm!</p> + +<p class="center curtain"><i>Curtain.</i></p> + + + +<div class="new-h2"> </div> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211">211</a></span></p> +<h2>ACT IV</h2> + +<p class="scene">The same scene as in <a href="#act1">Act I</a>. The next day. Two liveried +footmen, Theodore Ivánitch and Gregory.</p> + + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN</span> [<i>with grey whiskers</i>] Yours is the third +house to-day. Thank goodness that all the at-homes are +in this direction. Yours used to be on Thursdays.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Yes, we changed to Saturday so as +to be on the same day as the Golóvkins and Grade von +Grabes …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND FOOTMAN.</span> The Stcherbákofs do the thing well. +There's refreshments for the footmen every time they've +a ball.</p> + +<p><i>The two Princesses, mother and daughter, come down the +stairs accompanied by Betsy. The old Princess looks in her +note-book and at her watch, and sits down on the settle. +Gregory puts on her overshoes.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">YOUNG PRINCESS.</span> Now, do come. Because, if you refuse, +and Dodo refuses, the whole thing will be spoilt.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> I don't know. I must certainly go to the +Shoúbins. And then there is the rehearsal.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">YOUNG PRINCESS.</span> You'll have plenty of time. Do, please. +<i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Ne nous fais pas faux bond.</i><a name="FNanchor_14_14" href="#Footnote_14_14" class="fnanchor">[14]</a> Fédya and Koko will come.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">J'en ai par-dessus la tête de votre Koko.</i><a name="FNanchor_15_15" href="#Footnote_15_15" class="fnanchor">[15]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">YOUNG PRINCESS.</span> I thought I should see him here. +<i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Ordinairement il est d'une exactitude …</i><a name="FNanchor_16_16" href="#Footnote_16_16" class="fnanchor">[16]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> He is sure to come.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212">212</a></span> +<span class="speaker">YOUNG PRINCESS.</span> When I see you together, it always +seems to me that he has either just proposed or is just +going to propose.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Yes, I don't suppose it can be avoided. I shall +have to go through with it. And it is so unpleasant!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">YOUNG PRINCESS.</span> Poor Koko! He is head over ears in +love.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Cessez, les gens!</i><a name="FNanchor_17_17" href="#Footnote_17_17" class="fnanchor">[17]</a></p> + +<p><i>Young Princess sits down, talking in whispers. Gregory +puts on her overshoes.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">YOUNG PRINCESS.</span> Well then, good-bye till this evening.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> I'll try to come.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">OLD PRINCESS.</span> Then tell your papa that I don't believe +in anything of the kind, but will come to see his new +medium. Only he must let me know when. Good afternoon, +<i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">ma toute belle</i>. [<i>Kisses Betsy, and exit, followed by her +daughter. Betsy goes upstairs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> I don't like putting on an old woman's overshoes +for her; she can't stoop, can't see her shoe for her +stomach, and keeps poking her foot in the wrong place. +It's different with a young one; it's pleasant to take her +foot in one's hand.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND FOOTMAN.</span> Hear him! Making distinctions!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN.</span> It's not for us footmen to make such +distinctions.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Why shouldn't one make distinctions; are +we not men? It's they think we don't understand! +Just now they were deep in their talk, then they look at +me, and at once it's “lay zhon!”</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND FOOTMAN.</span> And what's that?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Oh, that means, “Don't talk, they understand!” +It's the same at table. But I understand! You +say, there's a difference? I say there is none.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN.</span> There is a great difference for those +who understand.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213">213</a></span> +<span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> There is none at all. To-day I am a footman, +and to-morrow I may be living no worse than they are. +Has it never happened that they've married footmen? +I'll go and have a smoke. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND FOOTMAN.</span> That's a bold young man you've got.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> A worthless fellow, not fit for +service. He used to be an office boy and has got spoilt. +I advised them not to take him, but the mistress liked +him. He looks well on the carriage when they drive +out.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN.</span> I should like to send him to our Count; +he'd put him in his place! Oh, he don't like those +scatterbrains. “If you're a footman, be a footman and +fulfil your calling.” Such pride is not befitting.</p> + +<p><i>Petrístchef comes running downstairs, and takes out a +cigarette.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF</span> [<i>deep in thought</i>] Let's see, my second is +the same as my first. Echo, a-co, co-coa. [<i>Enter Koko +Klíngen, wearing his pince-nez</i>] Ko-ko, co-coa. Cocoa +tin, where do you spring from?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> From the Stcherbákofs. You are always +playing the fool …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> No, listen to my charade. My first is the +same as my second, my third may be cracked, my whole is +like your pate.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> I give it up. I've no time.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Where else are you going?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> Where? Of course to the Ívins, to +practise for the concert. Then to the Shoúbins, and then +to the rehearsal. You'll be there too, won't you?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Most certainly. At the re-her-Sall and +also at the re-her-Sarah. Why, at first I was a savage, +and now I am both a savage and a general.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> How did yesterday's séance go off?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Screamingly funny! There was a peasant, +and above all, it was all in the dark. Vovo cried like an +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214">214</a></span>infant, the Professor defined, and Márya Vasílevna refined. +Such a lark! You ought to have been there.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> I'm afraid, <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">mon cher</i>. You have a way +of getting off with a jest, but I always feel that if I +say a word, they'll construe it into a proposal. <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Et ça ne +m'arrange pas du tout, du tout. Mais du tout, du tout!</i><a name="FNanchor_18_18" href="#Footnote_18_18" class="fnanchor">[18]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Instead of a proposal, make a proposition, +and receive a sentence! Well, I shall go in to Vovo's. +If you'll call for me, we can go to the re-her-Sarah +together.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> I can't think how you can be friends with +such a fool. He is so stupid,—a regular blockhead!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> And I am fond of him. I love Vovo, +but … “with a love so strange, ne'er towards him the +path untrod shall be” … [<i>Exit into Vovo's room</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Betsy comes down with a Lady. Koko bows significantly to +Betsy.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>shaking Koko's hand without turning towards him. +To Lady</i>] You are acquainted?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LADY.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Baron Klíngen.… Why were you not here +last night?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> I could not come, I was engaged.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> What a pity, it was so interesting! [<i>Laughs</i>] You +should have seen what manifestations we had! Well, how +is our charade getting on?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> Oh, the verses for <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">mon second</i> are ready. +Nick composed the verses, and I the music.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> What are they? What are they? Do tell me!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> Wait a minute; how does it go?… +Oh, the knight sings:</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 18em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“Oh, <em>naught</em> so beautiful as nature:<br /></span> +<span class="i1">The <em>Nautilus</em> sails by.<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oh, <em>naughty</em> lass, oh, <em>naughty</em> lass!<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Oh, <em>nought</em>, oh <em>nought</em>! Oh fie!”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215">215</a></span> +<span class="speaker">LADY.</span> I see, my second is “nought,” and what is my +first?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> My first is <em>Aero</em>, the name of a girl +savage.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> <em>Aero</em>, you see, is a savage who wished to devour +the object of her love. [<i>Laughs</i>] She goes about lamenting, +and sings—</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 13em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“My appetite,”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN</span> [<i>interrupts</i>]—</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 13em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“How can I fight,” …<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>chimes in</i>]—</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 13em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“Some one to chew I long.<br /></span> +<span class="i1">I seeking go …”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN</span>—</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 13em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“But even so …”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span>—</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 13em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“No one to chew can find.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN</span>—</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 13em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“A raft sails <ins title="by,’">by,”</ins><br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span>—</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 13em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“It cometh nigh;<br /></span> +<span class="i1">Two generals upon it …”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN</span>—</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 13em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“Two generals are we:<br /></span> +<span class="i1">By fate's hard decree,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To this island we flee.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>And then, the refrain—</p> + +<div class="poem" style="width: 13em;"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">“By fate's hard decree,<br /></span> +<span class="i1">To this island we flee.”<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p><span class="speaker">LADY.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Charmant!</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> But just think how silly!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">KOKO KLÍNGEN.</span> Yes, that's the charm of it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LADY.</span> And who is to be Aero?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> I am. And I have had a costume made, but +mamma says it's “not decent.” And it is not a bit +less decent than a ball dress. [<i>To Theodore Ivánitch</i>] Is +Bourdier's man here?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216">216</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Yes, he is waiting in the kitchen.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LADY.</span> Well, and how will you represent Aeronaut?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Oh, you'll see. I don't want to spoil the pleasure +for you. <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Au revoir.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LADY.</span> Good-bye! [<i>They bow. Exit Lady</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>to Koko Klíngen</i>] Come up to mamma.</p> + +<p><i>Betsy and Koko go upstairs. Jacob enters from servants' +quarters, carrying a tray with teacups, cakes, &c., and goes +panting across the stage.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB</span> [<i>to the Footmen</i>] How d'you do? How d'you do? +[<i>Footmen bow</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB</span> [<i>to Theodore Ivánitch</i>] Couldn't you tell Gregory +to help a bit! I'm ready to drop.… [<i>Exit up the +stairs</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN.</span> That is a hard-working chap you've got +there.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Yes, a good fellow. But there now—he +doesn't satisfy the mistress, she says his appearance +is ungainly. And now they've gone and told tales about +him for letting some peasants into the kitchen yesterday. +It is a bad look-out: they may dismiss him. And he is +a good fellow.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND FOOTMAN.</span> What peasants were they?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Peasants that had come from our +Koursk village to buy some land. It was night, and they +were our fellow-countrymen, one of them the father of +the butler's assistant. Well, so they were asked into the +kitchen. It so happened that there was thought-reading +going on. Something was hidden in the kitchen, and +all the gentlefolk came down, and the mistress saw the +peasants. There was such a row! “How is this,” she +says; “these people may be infected, and they are let into +the kitchen!” … She is terribly afraid of this infection.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Gregory.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Gregory, you go and help Jacob. +I'll stay here. He can't manage alone.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217">217</a></span> +<span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> He's awkward, that's why he can't manage. +[<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN.</span> And what is this new mania they have +got? This infection!… So yours also is afraid of it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> She fears it worse than fire! Our +chief business, nowadays, is fumigating, washing, and +sprinkling.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN.</span> I see. That's why there is such a stuffy +smell here. [<i>With animation</i>] I don't know what we're +coming to with these infection notions. It's just detestable! +They seem to have forgotten the Lord. There's +our master's sister, Princess Mosolóva, her daughter was +dying and, will you believe it, neither father nor mother +would come near her! So she died without their having +taken leave of her. And the daughter cried, and called +them to say good-bye—but they didn't go! The doctor +had discovered some infection or other! And yet their +own maid and a trained nurse were with her, and nothing +happened to them; they're still alive!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Vasíly Leoníditch and Petrístchef from Vasíly Leoníditch's +room, smoking cigarettes.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Come along then, only I must take Koko—Cocoanut, +with me.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> Your Koko is a regular dolt; I can't +bear him. A hare-brained fellow, a regular gad-about! +Without any kind of occupation, eternally loafing around! +Eh, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Well, anyhow, wait a bit, I must say good-bye.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> All right. And I will go and look at +my dogs in the coachman's room. I've got a dog there +that's so savage, the coachman said, he nearly ate him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> Who ate whom? Did the coachman +really eat the dog?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">VASÍLY LEONÍDITCH.</span> You are always at it! [<i>Puts on outdoor +things and goes out</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218">218</a></span> +<span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF</span> [<i>thoughtfully</i>] Ma-kin-tosh, Co-co-tin.… +Let's see. [<i>Goes upstairs</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Jacob runs across the stage.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> What's the matter?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> There is no more thin bread and butter. I +said … [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND FOOTMAN.</span> And then our master's little son fell ill, +and they sent him at once to an hotel with his nurse, and +there he died without his mother.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN.</span> They don't seem to fear sin! <em>I</em> think +you cannot escape from God anywhere.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> That's what I think.</p> + +<p><i>Jacob runs upstairs with bread and butter.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST FOOTMAN.</span> One should consider too, that if we are +to be afraid of everybody like that, we'd better shut ourselves +up within four walls, as in a prison, and stick there!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Tánya; she bows to the Footmen.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Good afternoon.</p> + +<p><i>Footmen bow.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Theodore Ivánitch, I have a word to say to you.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well, what?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> The peasants have come again, Theodore Ivánitch …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well? I gave the paper to Simon.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I have given them the paper. They were that +grateful! I can't say how! Now they only ask you to +take the money.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> But where are they?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Here, by the porch.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> All right, I'll tell the master.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I have another request to you, dear Theodore +Ivánitch.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> What now?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Why, don't you see, Theodore Ivánitch, I can't +remain here any longer. Ask them to let me go.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Jacob, running.</i></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219">219</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>to Jacob</i>] What d'you want?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Another samovár, and oranges.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Ask the housekeeper.</p> + +<p><i>Exit Jacob.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>to Tánya</i>] How is that?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Why, don't you see, my position is such …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB</span> [<i>runs in</i>] There are not enough oranges.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Serve up as many as you've got +[<i>Exit Jacob</i>]. Now's not the time! Just see what a +bustle we are in.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> But you know yourself, Theodore Ivánitch, there +is no end to this bustle; one might wait for ever—you +know yourself—and my affair is for life.… Dear Theodore +Ivánitch, you have done me a good turn, be a father to me +now, choose the right moment and tell her, or else she'll +get angry and won't let me have my passport.<a name="FNanchor_19_19" href="#Footnote_19_19" class="fnanchor">[19]</a></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Where's the hurry?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Why, Theodore Ivánitch, it's all settled now.… +And I could go to my godmother's and get ready, and then +after Easter we'd get married.<a name="FNanchor_20_20" href="#Footnote_20_20" class="fnanchor">[20]</a> Do tell her, dear Theodore +Ivánitch!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Go away—this is not the place.</p> + +<p><i>An elderly Gentleman comes downstairs, puts on overcoat, and +goes out followed by the Second Footman.</i></p> + +<p><i>Exit Tánya. Enter Jacob.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> Just fancy, Theodore Ivánitch, it's too bad! She +wants to discharge me now! She says, “You break everything, +and forget Frisk, and you let the peasants into +the kitchen against my orders!” And you know very +well that I knew nothing about it. Tatyána told me, +“Take them into the kitchen”; how could I tell whose +order it was?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220">220</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Did the mistress speak to you?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> She's just spoken. Do speak up for me, Theodore +Ivánitch! You see, my people in the country are only +just getting on their feet, and suppose I lose my place, +when shall I get another? Theodore Ivánitch, do, please!</p> + +<p><i>Anna Pávlovna comes down with the old Countess, whom she +is seeing off. The Countess has false teeth and hair. The First +Footman helps the Countess into her outdoor things.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Oh, most certainly, of course! I am so +deeply touched.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">COUNTESS.</span> If it were not for my illness, I should come +oftener to see you.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> You should really consult Peter Petróvitch. +He is rough, but nobody can soothe one as he does. +He is so clear, so simple.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">COUNTESS.</span> Oh no, I shall keep to the one I am used to.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Pray, take care of yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">COUNTESS.</span> <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Merci, mille fois merci.</i><a name="FNanchor_21_21" href="#Footnote_21_21" class="fnanchor">[21]</a></p> + +<p><i>Gregory, dishevelled and excited, jumps out from the servants' +quarters. Simon appears behind him in the doorway.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> You'd better leave her alone!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> You rascal! I'll teach you how to fight, you +scamp, you!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> What do you mean? Do you think you +are in a public-house?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> This coarse peasant makes life impossible for +me.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>provoked</i>] You've lost your senses. +Don't you see? [<i>To Countess</i>] <i lang="fr" xml:lang="fr">Merci, mille fois merci. A +mardi!</i><a name="FNanchor_22_22" href="#Footnote_22_22" class="fnanchor">[22]</a></p> + +<p><i>Exeunt Countess and First Footman.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>to Gregory</i>] What is the meaning of +this?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221">221</a></span> +<span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Though I do occupy the position of a footman, +still I won't allow every peasant to hit me; I have my pride too.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Why, what has happened?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Why, this Simon of yours has got so brave, +sitting with the gentlemen, that he wants to fight!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Why? What for?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Heaven only knows!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>to Simon</i>] What is the meaning of it?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON.</span> Why does he bother her?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> What has happened?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SIMON</span> [<i>smiles</i>] Well, you see, he is always catching hold +of Tánya, the lady's-maid, and she won't have it. Well, +so I just moved him aside a bit, just so, with my hand.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> A nice little bit! He's almost caved my ribs +in, and has torn my dress-coat, and he says, “The same +power as came over me yesterday comes on me again,” and +he begins to squeeze me.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>to Simon</i>] How dare you fight in my +house?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> May I explain it to you, ma'am? +I must tell you Simon is not indifferent to Tánya, and +is engaged to her. And Gregory—one must admit the +truth—does not behave properly, nor honestly, to her. +Well, so I suppose Simon got angry with him.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Not at all! It is all his spite, because I have +discovered their trickery.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> What trickery?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> Why, at the séance. All those things, last +night,—it was not Simon but Tánya who did them! I saw +her getting out from under the sofa with my own eyes.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> What is that? From under the sofa?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> I give you my word of honour. And it was +she who threw the paper on the table. If it had not +been for her the paper would not have been signed, nor +the land sold to the peasants.</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222">222</a></span> +<span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> And you saw it yourself?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> With my own eyes. Shall I call her? She'll +not deny it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Yes, call her.</p> + +<p><i>Exit Gregory.</i></p> + +<p><i>Noise behind the scenes. The voice of the Doorkeeper, +“No, no, you cannot.” Doorkeeper is seen at the front door, +the three Peasants rush in past him, the Second Peasant first; +the Third one stumbles, falls on his nose, and catches hold +of it.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOORKEEPER.</span> You must not go in!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Where's the harm? We are not doing +anything wrong. We only wish to pay the money!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it; as by laying on the signature +the affair is come to a conclusion, we only wish to +make payment with thanks.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Wait a bit with your thanks. It was all +done by fraud! It is not settled yet. Not sold yet.… +Leoníd.… Call Leoníd Fyódoritch. [<i>Exit Doorkeeper</i>].</p> + +<p><i>Leoníd Fyódoritch enters, but, seeing his wife and the Peasants, +wishes to retreat.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> No, no, come here, please! I told you +the land must not be sold on credit, and everybody +told you so, but you let yourself be deceived like the +veriest blockhead.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> How? I don't understand who is +deceiving?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> You ought to be ashamed of yourself! +You have grey hair, and you let yourself be deceived and +laughed at like a silly boy. You grudge your son some +three hundred roubles which his social position demands, +and let yourself be tricked of thousands—like a fool!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Now come, Annette, try to be +calm.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> We are only come about the acceptation +of the sum, for example …</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223">223</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT</span> [<i>taking out the money</i>] Let us finish the +matter, for Christ's sake!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Wait, wait!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Tánya and Gregory.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>angrily</i>] You were in the small drawing-room +during the séance last night?</p> + +<p><i>Tánya looks round at Theodore Ivánitch, Leoníd Fyódoritch, +and Simon, and sighs.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">GREGORY.</span> It's no use beating about the bush; I saw +you myself …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Tell me, were you there? I know all +about it, so you'd better confess! I'll not do anything to +you. I only want to expose him [<i>pointing to Leoníd Fyódoritch</i>] +your master.… Did you throw the paper on the +table?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> I don't know how to answer. Only one thing,—let +me go home.</p> + +<p><i>Enter Betsy unobserved.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>to Leoníd Fyódoritch</i>] There, you see! +You are being made a fool of.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 600px;"><a name="fool"></a> +<img src="images/p222-insert.png" width="600" height="392" alt="" title="" /> +<div class="caption smcap">FRUITS OF CULTURE. Act IV.</div> +<div class="caption" style="text-align: justify; margin-left: 2em; margin-right: 2em;"><span class="smcap">Anna Pávlovna.</span> There, you see! You are being made a fool of.</div> +</div> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Let me go home, Anna Pávlovna!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> No, my dear! You may have caused +us a loss of thousands of roubles. Land has been sold +that ought not to be sold!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Let me go, Anna Pávlovna!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> No; you'll have to answer for it! Such +tricks won't do. We'll have you up before the Justice of +the Peace!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY</span> [<i>comes forward</i>] Let her go, mamma. Or, if you +wish to have her tried, you must have me tried too! She +and I did it together.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Well, of course, if <em>you</em> have a hand in +anything, what can one expect but the very worst results!</p> + +<p><i>Enter the Professor.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> How do you do, Anna Pávlovna? How do +you do, Miss Betsy? Leoníd Fyódoritch, I have brought +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224">224</a></span>you a report of the Thirteenth Congress of Spiritualists at +Chicago. An amazing speech by Schmidt!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Oh, that is interesting!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> I will tell you something much more +interesting! It turns out that both you and my husband +were fooled by this girl! Betsy takes it on herself, +but that is only to annoy me. It was an illiterate peasant +girl who fooled you, and you believed it all. There were +no mediumistic phenomena last night; it was she [<i>pointing +to Tánya</i>] who did it!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>taking off his overcoat</i>] What do you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> I mean that it was she who, in the +dark, played on the guitar and beat my husband on the +head and performed all your idiotic tricks—and she has +just confessed!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>smiling</i>] What does that prove?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> It proves that your mediumism is—tomfoolery; +that's what it proves!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR.</span> Because this young girl wished to deceive, we +are to conclude that mediumism is “tomfoolery,” as you +are pleased to express it? [<i>Smiles</i>] A curious conclusion! +Very possibly this young girl may have wished to deceive: +that often occurs. She may even have done something; +but then, what she did—<em>she</em> did. But the manifestations +of mediumistic energy still remain manifestations +of <em>mediumistic</em> energy! It is even very probable that +what this young girl did, evoked (and so to say solicited) +the manifestation of mediumistic energy,—giving it a +definite form.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Another lecture!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>sternly</i>] You say, Anna Pávlovna, that this +girl, and perhaps this dear young lady also, did something; +but the light we all saw, and, in the first case the +fall, and in the second the rise of temperature, and Grossman's +excitement and vibration—were those things also +done by this girl? And these are facts, Anna Pávlovna, +<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225">225</a></span>facts! No! Anna Pávlovna, there are things which must +be investigated and fully understood before they can be +talked about, things too serious, too serious …</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> And the child that Márya Vasílevna +distinctly saw? Why, I saw it too.… That could not +have been done by this girl.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> You think yourself wise, but you are—a +fool.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Well, I'm going.… Alexéy Vladímiritch, +will you come? [<i>Exit into his study</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">PROFESSOR</span> [<i>shrugging his shoulders, follows</i>] Oh, how far, +how far, we still lag behind Western Europe!</p> + +<p><i>Enter Jacob.</i></p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>following Leoníd Fyódoritch with her eyes</i>] +He has been tricked like a fool, and he sees nothing! [<i>To +Jacob</i>] What do you want?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">JACOB.</span> How many persons am I to lay the table +for?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> For how many?… Theodore Ivánitch! +Let him give up the silver plate to you. Be off, at +once! It is all his fault! This man will bring me to my +grave. Last night he nearly starved the dog that had +done him no harm! And, as if that were not enough, he +lets the infected peasants into the kitchen, and now they +are here again! It is all his fault! Be off at once! Discharge +him, discharge him! [<i>To Simon</i>] And you, horrid +peasant, if you dare to have rows in my house again, I'll +teach you!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> All right, if he is a horrid peasant there's +no good keeping him; you'd better discharge him too, and +there's an end of it.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA</span> [<i>while listening to him looks at Third Peasant</i>] +Only look! Why, he has a rash on his nose—a rash! He is +ill; he is a hotbed of infection!! Did I not give orders, +yesterday, that they were not to be allowed into the house, +and here they are again? Drive them out!</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226">226</a></span> +<span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Then are we not to accept their +money?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Their money? Oh yes, take their +money; but they must be turned out at once, especially +this one! He is quite rotten!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> That's not just, lady. God's my witness, +it's not just! You'd better ask my old woman, let's +say, whether I am rotten! I'm clear as crystal, let's say.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> He talks!… Off, off with him! It's +all to spite me!… Oh, I can't bear it, I can't!… +Send for the doctor! [<i>Runs away, sobbing. Exit also Jacob +and Gregory</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA</span> [<i>to Betsy</i>] Miss Elizabeth, darling, what am I to +do now?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Never mind, you go with them and I'll arrange +it all. [<i>Exit</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> Well, your reverence, how about the reception +of the sum now?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Let us settle up, and go.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT</span> [<i>fumbling with the packet of bank-notes</i>] +Had I known, I'd not have come for the world. It's worse +than a fever!</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH</span> [<i>to Doorkeeper</i>] Show them into my +room. There's a counting-board there. I'll receive their +money. Now go.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">DOORKEEPER.</span> Come along.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> And it's Tánya you have to thank +for it. But for her you'd not have had the land.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">FIRST PEASANT.</span> That's just it. As she made the proposal, +so she put it into effect.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THIRD PEASANT.</span> She's made men of us. Else what were +we? We had so little land, no room to let a hen out, +let's say, not to mention the cattle. Good-bye, dear! +When you get to the village, come to us and eat honey.</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">SECOND PEASANT.</span> Let me get home and I'll start brewing +the beer for the wedding! You will come?</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227">227</a></span> +<span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Yes, I'll come, I'll come! [<i>Shrieks</i>] Simon, this +is fine, isn't it? [<i>Exeunt Peasants</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">THEODORE IVÁNITCH.</span> Well, Tánya, when you have your +house I'll come to visit you. Will you welcome me?</p> + +<p><span class="speaker">TÁNYA.</span> Dear Theodore Ivánitch, just the same as we +would our own father! [<i>Embraces and kisses him</i>].</p> + +<p class="center curtain"><i>Curtain.</i></p> + +<p class="center" style="margin-top: 8em; font-size: 0.85em;">END OF “FRUITS OF CULTURE.” +</p> + +<div class="footnotes"> +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" href="#FNanchor_1_1" class="label">[1]</a> Economical balls at which the ladies are bound to appear in dresses +made of cotton materials.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" href="#FNanchor_2_2" class="label">[2]</a> The present value of the rouble is rather over two shillings and +one penny.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" href="#FNanchor_3_3" class="label">[3]</a> The Gypsy choirs are very popular in Moscow.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" href="#FNanchor_4_4" class="label">[4]</a> <span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Cease! You are becoming quite unbearable!</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" href="#FNanchor_5_5" class="label">[5]</a> <span class="speaker">PETRÍSTCHEF.</span> I have C said (<em>ceased</em>), B said, and D said.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_6_6" href="#FNanchor_6_6" class="label">[6]</a> <span class="speaker">BARONESS.</span> But tell me, please, is he paid for this? +</p><p> +<span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> I really do not know.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_7_7" href="#FNanchor_7_7" class="label">[7]</a> <span class="speaker">BARONESS.</span> But he is a gentleman? +</p><p> +<span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Oh yes! +</p><p> +<span class="speaker">BARONESS.</span> It is almost miraculous. Isn't it? How does he +manage to find things? +</p><p> +<span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> I really can't tell you. My husband will +explain it to you.… Excuse me.…</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_8_8" href="#FNanchor_8_8" class="label">[8]</a> Stunning!</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_9_9" href="#FNanchor_9_9" class="label">[9]</a> <span class="speaker">BARONESS.</span> Capital! Does it not cause him any pain? +</p><p> +<span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> Not the slightest.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_10_10" href="#FNanchor_10_10" class="label">[10]</a> He uses a Centigrade thermometer.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_11_11" href="#FNanchor_11_11" class="label">[11]</a> <span class="speaker">LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH.</span> You bring good luck.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_12_12" href="#FNanchor_12_12" class="label">[12]</a> <span class="speaker">FAT LADY.</span> But he looks quite nice.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_13_13" href="#FNanchor_13_13" class="label">[13]</a> To take a header.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_14_14" href="#FNanchor_14_14" class="label">[14]</a> Do not disappoint us.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_15_15" href="#FNanchor_15_15" class="label">[15]</a> <span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> I have more than enough of your Koko.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_16_16" href="#FNanchor_16_16" class="label">[16]</a> <span class="speaker">YOUNG PRINCESS.</span> … He is usually so very punctual …</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_17_17" href="#FNanchor_17_17" class="label">[17]</a> <span class="speaker">BETSY.</span> Cease; mind the servants!</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_18_18" href="#FNanchor_18_18" class="label">[18]</a> And that won't suit me at all, at all! Not at all, at all!</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_19_19" href="#FNanchor_19_19" class="label">[19]</a> Employers have charge of the servants' passports, and in this +way have a hold on them in case of misconduct.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_20_20" href="#FNanchor_20_20" class="label">[20]</a> See <a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/26661/26661-h/26661-h.htm#Footnote_2_2">footnote, p. 28</a>. It is customary for peasants to marry just +after Easter, but when spring has come and the field work begun, +no marriages take place among them till autumn.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_21_21" href="#FNanchor_21_21" class="label">[21]</a> <span class="speaker">COUNTESS.</span> Thank you (for your hospitality), a thousand thanks.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_22_22" href="#FNanchor_22_22" class="label">[22]</a> <span class="speaker">ANNA PÁVLOVNA.</span> Thank you (for coming to see us), a thousand +thanks. Till next Tuesday!</p></div> +</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fruits of Culture, by Leo Tolstoy + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FRUITS OF CULTURE *** + +***** This file should be named 26663-h.htm or 26663-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/6/6/6/26663/ + +Produced by Bryan Ness, Jana Srna and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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