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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Strange Adventures of Captain
+Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3, by George Augustus Sala
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Strange Adventures of Captain Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3
+       Who was a sailor, a soldier, a merchant, a spy, a slave
+       among the moors...
+
+Author: George Augustus Sala
+
+Release Date: September 19, 2008 [EBook #26669]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAPTAIN DANGEROUS, VOL. 3 OF 3 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Emmy and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This
+book was produced from scanned images of public domain
+material from the Google Print project.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE STRANGE ADVENTURES
+
+OF
+
+CAPTAIN DANGEROUS:
+
+          WHO WAS A SOLDIER, A SAILOR, A MERCHANT, A SPY, A SLAVE
+          AMONG THE MOORS, A BASHAW IN THE SERVICE
+          OF THE GRAND TURK,
+
+          AND
+
+          =Died at last in his own House in Hanover Square.=
+
+          A NARRATIVE IN OLD-FASHIONED ENGLISH.
+
+          ATTEMPTED BY
+          GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA.
+
+
+          IN THREE VOLUMES.
+
+          VOL. III.
+
+
+          LONDON:
+          TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND.
+          1863.
+
+          [_The right of Translation is reserved._]
+
+
+
+
+          LONDON:
+          SAVILL AND EDWARDS, PRINTERS, CHANDOS STREET,
+          COVENT GARDEN.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS OF VOL. III.
+
+
+  CHAPTER THE FIRST.                                         PAGE
+    I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO
+      RIGHT ROUND IT                                            1
+
+  CHAPTER THE SECOND.
+    MERCATOR, HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT              44
+
+  CHAPTER THE THIRD.
+    THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO
+      EUROPE                                                   71
+
+  CHAPTER THE FOURTH.
+    OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND    115
+
+  CHAPTER THE FIFTH.
+    OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS,
+      WHICH WAS NEARLY MY UNDOING                             154
+
+  CHAPTER THE SIXTH.
+    OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE
+      CARDINAL DE ----                                        181
+
+  CHAPTER THE SEVENTH.
+    I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM
+      REDUCED TO A STATE OF MISERABLE SLAVERY                 196
+
+  CHAPTER THE EIGHTH.
+    AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS
+      BECOMES BESTUSCHID BASHAW                               230
+
+  CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST.
+    OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF
+      MY ADVENTURES IN RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND
+      OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MY GRANDMOTHER'S
+      HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE.            272
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+
+THE STRANGE ADVENTURES
+
+OF
+
+CAPTAIN DANGEROUS.
+
+=A Narrative in Old fashioned English.=
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE FIRST.
+
+I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO RIGHT ROUND IT.
+
+
+1748. I was not yet Forty years of age, Hale and Stout, Comely
+enough,--so said Mistress Prue and many other damsels,--with a Military
+Education, an approved reputation for Valour, and very little else
+besides. A gentleman at large, with a purse well-nigh as slender as an
+ell-wand, and as wobegone as a dried eel-skin. But I was never one that
+wanted many Superfluities; and having no Friends in the world, was of a
+most Contented Disposition.
+
+Some trouble, indeed, must I have with that luckless Mistress Prue, the
+Waiting-Maid--sure, I did the girl no Harm, beyond whispering a little
+soft nonsense in her ear now and then. But she must needs have a
+succession of Hysterical Fits after my departure from the Tower, and
+write me many scores of Letters couched in the most Lamentable
+Rigmarole, threatening to throw herself into Rosamond's Pond in St.
+James's Park (then a favourite Drowning-Place for Disconsolate Lovers),
+with many other nonsensical Menaces. But I was firm to my Determination
+to do her no harm, and therefore carefully abstained from answering any
+of her letters. She did not break her heart; but (being resolved to wed
+one that wore the King's cloth) she married Miles Bandolier about three
+months after my Departure, and broke his head, ere the Honeymoon was
+over, with a Bed-staff. A most frivolous Quean this, and I well rid of
+her.
+
+Coming out of the Tower, I took lodgings for a season in Great Ryder
+Street, St. James's, and set up for a Person of Pleasure. There were
+many Military Officers of my Acquaintance who honoured me with their
+company over a Bottle, for even as a Tower Warder I had been a kind of a
+Gentleman, and there was no treating me as one of base Degree. They
+laughed somewhat at my Brevet rank of Captain, and sometimes twitted me
+as to what Regiment I was in; but I let them laugh, so long as they did
+not go too far, when I would most assuredly have shown them, by the
+length of my Blade, not only what Regiment I belonged to, but what
+Mettle I was of. By favour of some of my Martial Friends, I was
+introduced to a favourite Coffee-House, the "Ramilies," in Jermyn Street
+('tis Slaughter's, in St. Martin's Lane, now, that the Soldier-Officers
+do most use); and there we had many a pleasant Carouse, and, moreover,
+many a good game at cards; at the which, thanks to the tuition of Mr.
+Hodge, when I was in Mr. Pinchin's service, I was a passable adept,
+being able to hold my own and More, in almost every Game that is to be
+found in Hoyle. And so our card-playing did result, not only to mutual
+pleasure, but to my especial Profit; for I was very lucky. But I declare
+that I always played fair; and if any man doubted the strict probity of
+my proceeding, there was then, as there is now, my Sword to vindicate my
+Honour.
+
+'Tis ill-living, however, on Gambling. Somehow or another the Money you
+win at Cards--I would never touch Dice, which are too chancy, liable to
+be Sophisticated, and, besides, sure to lead to Brawling, Stabbing, and
+cracking of Crowns--this Money, gotten over Old Nick's back, I say,
+never seems to do a Man any Good. 'Tis light come, and light go; and the
+Store of Gold Pieces that glitter so bravely when you sweep them off the
+green cloth seems, in a couple of days afterwards, to have turned to dry
+leaves, like the Magician's in the Fairy Tale. Excepting Major Panton,
+who built the Street and the Square which bear his name out of One
+Night's Profit at the Pharoah table, can you tell me of one habitual
+Gambler who has been able to realise anything substantial out of his
+Winnings? No, no; a Hand at Cards is all very well, and 'tis pleasant to
+win enough to pay one's Reckoning, give a Supper to the Loser, and have
+a Frisk upon Town afterwards; but I do abhor your steady, systematic
+Gamblers, with their restless eyes, quivering lips, hair bristling under
+their wigs, and twitching fingers, as they watch the Game. Of course,
+when Cards are played, you must play for Money. As to playing for Love,
+I would as soon play for nutshells or cheese-parings. But the whole
+business is too feverish and exciting for a Man of warm temperament.
+'Tis killing work when your Bed and Raiment, your Dinner and your Flask,
+depend on the turn up of a card. And so I very speedily abandoned this
+line of life.
+
+'Twas necessary, nevertheless, for something to be done to bring Grist
+to the Mill. About this time it was a very common practice for Great
+Noblemen--notably those who were in any way addicted to pleasure, and
+ours was a mighty Gay Nobility thirty or forty years since--to entertain
+Men of Honour, Daring, and Ability, cunning in the use of their Swords,
+and exceedingly discreet in their conversations, to attend them upon
+their private affairs, and render to them Services of a kind that
+required Secrecy as well as Courage. One or two Duels in Hyde Park and
+behind Montagu House, in which I had the honour to be concerned as
+Second,--and in one of which I engaged the Second of my Patron's
+Adversary, and succeeded, by two dexterous side slices, in Quincing his
+face as neatly as a housewife would slice Fruit for a Devonshire Squab
+Pie,--gained me the notice of some of the Highest Nobility, to whom I
+was otherwise recommended by the easiness of my Manners, and the amenity
+of my Language. The young Earl of Modesley did in particular affect me,
+and I was of Service to his Lordship on many most momentous and delicate
+Occasions. For upwards of Six Months I was sumptuously entertained in
+his Lordship's Mansion in Red Lion Square;--a Kind of Hospitality,
+indeed, which he was most profuse in the dispensation of:--there being
+at the same time in the House a French Dancing-Master, an Italian
+Singer, a Newmarket Horse-Jockey, and a Domestic Chaplain, that had been
+unfrocked for too much fighting of Cocks and drinking of Cider with
+clowns at his Vicarage; but to whom the Earl of Modesley was always a
+fast friend. Unfortunate Young Nobleman! He died of a malignant Fever at
+Avignon, just before attaining his Thirtieth Year! His intentions
+towards me were of the most Bounteous Description; and he even, being
+pleased to say that I was a good-looking Fellow enough, and come to an
+Age when it behoved me to be settled in Life, proposed that I should
+enter in the bonds of Wedlock with one Miss Jenny Lightfoot, that had
+formerly been a Milliner in Liquorpond Street, but who, when his
+Lordship introduced me to her, lived in most splendid Lodgings under the
+Piazza, Covent Garden, and gave the handsomest Chocolate Parties to the
+Young Nobility that ever were seen. So Boundless was his Lordship's
+generosity that he offered to bestow a portion of Five Hundred Pounds on
+Miss Lightfoot if she would become Madame Dangerous--said portion to be
+at my absolute disposal--and to give me besides a long Lease at a
+Peppercorn Rent of a Farm of his in Wiltshire. The Match, however, came
+to nothing. I was not yet disposed to surrender my Liberty; and, indeed,
+the Behaviour of Miss Lightfoot, while the Treaty of Alliance between us
+was being discussed, did not augur very favourably for our felicity in
+the Matrimonial State. Indeed, she was pleased to call me Rogue,
+Gambler, Bully, Led Captain, and many other uncivil names. She snapped
+off the silver hilt of my dress-sword (presented to me after I had
+fought the Second in Hyde Park), and obstinately refused to restore that
+gewgaw to me, telling me that she had given it to her Landlady (one
+Mother Bishopsbib, a monstrous Fat Woman, that was afterwards Carted,
+and stood in the Pillory in Spring Gardens, for evil practices) in part
+payment for rent-owing. Moreover, she wilfully spoilt my best periwig by
+overturning a Chocolate Mill thereupon; and otherwise so misconducted
+herself that I bade her a respectful Farewell,--she leaving the marks of
+her Nails on my face as a parting Gift,--and told my Lord Modesley that
+I would as lief wed a Roaring Dragon as this Termagant of the Piazza.
+This Refusal brought about a Rupture between myself and my Lord. He was
+imprudent enough to talk about my Ingratitude, to tell me that the very
+coat on my back was bought and paid for with his Money, and to threaten
+to have me kicked out of doors by two of his Tall Lacqueys. But I
+speedily let him have a piece of my Mind. "My Lord," says I, going up to
+him, and thrusting my face full in his, "you will be pleased to know
+that I am a Gentleman, whose ancestors were ennobled centuries before
+your rascally grandfather got his peerage for turning against the true
+King."
+
+He began to murmur something (as many have done before when my blood
+was up, and I have mentioned Royalty) about my being "a Jacobite."
+
+"I'll Jacobite your jacket for you, you Jackadandy!" I retorted. "You
+have most foully insulted me. I know your Lordship's ways well. If I
+sent you a cartel, you and your whippersnapper Friends would sneer at
+it, because I am poor, and fling Led Captain in my teeth. You won't
+fight with a poor Gentleman of the Sword. I am too much of a Man of
+Honour to waylay you at night, and give you the private Stab, as you
+deserve; but so sure as you are your father's son, if you don't make me
+this instant a Handsome Apology, I will cudgel you till there is not a
+whole bone in your body."
+
+The young Ruffian--he was not such a coward as Squire Pinchin, but
+rather murderous--makes no more do, but draws upon me. I caught up a
+quarter-staff that lay handy (for we were always exercising ourselves at
+athletic amusements), struck the weapon from his grasp, and hit him a
+sounding thwack across the shins that brought him down upon his
+marrow-bones.
+
+"Below the Belt!" he cries out, holding up his hands. "Foul! foul!"
+
+"Foul be hanged!" I answered. "I'm not going to fight, but to Beat You;"
+and I rushed upon him, shortening the Staff, and would have belaboured
+him Soundly, but that he saw it was no use contending against John
+Dangerous, and very humbly craved a parley. He Apologised as I had
+Demanded, and lent me Twenty Guineas, and we parted on the most friendly
+terms.
+
+This Lord essayed, notwithstanding, to do me much harm in Town, saying
+that I had used him with black Cruelty, had re-requited his many favours
+with gross Treachery, and the like Falsehoods, until I was obliged to
+send him a Message to this purport: that unless he desisted, I should be
+obliged to keep my promise as to the Cudgel. Upon which he presently
+surceased. So much meanness had he, even, as to fudge up a pretended
+debt of nineteen guineas against me as for money lent, for the which I
+was arrested by bailiffs and conveyed--being taken at Jonathan's--to a
+vile spunging-house in Little Bell Alley, Moorfields; but the keeper of
+the House stood my friend, and procured a Bail for me in the shape of an
+Honest Gentleman, who was to be seen every day about Westminster Hall
+with a straw in his shoe, and for a crown and a dinner at the
+eating-house would suddenly become worth five hundred a year, or at
+least swear himself black in the face that such was his estate:--which
+was all that was required. And when it came to justifying of Bail before
+the Judges, what so easy as to hire a suit of clothes in Monmouth
+Street, and send him into court fully equipped as a reputable gentleman?
+However, there was no occasion for this, for on the very night of my
+enlargement I won fifty guineas at the tables; and walking very Bold to
+my Lord's House, sends up the nineteen guineas to my Lord with a note,
+asking to what lawyer I should pay the cost of suit, and whether I
+should wait upon him at his Levee for a receipt. On the which he, still
+with the fear of a cudgelling before his eyes, sends me down a Receipt
+in Full, _and the Money back to boot_, begging me to trouble myself in
+no way about the lawyer; which, I promise you, I did not. And so an end
+of this troublesome acquaintance,--a profitable one enough to me while
+it lasted. As for Miss Jenny, her Behaviour soon became as light as her
+name. I have heard that she got into trouble about a Spanish Merchant
+that was flung down stairs and nigh killed, and that but for the Favour
+of Justice Cogwell, who had a hankering for her, 'twould have been a
+Court-Job. Afterwards I learnt that she had been seen beating Hemp in
+Bridewell in a satin sack laced with silver; and I warrant that she was
+fain to cry, "Knock! oh, good Sir Robert, knock!" many a time before the
+Blue-coated Beadles on court day had done swingeing of her.
+
+There are certain periods in the life even of the most fortunate man
+when his Luck is at a desperately low ebb,--when everything seems to go
+amiss with him,--when nothing that he can turn his hand to prospers,--when
+friends desert him, and the companions of his sunshiny days chide him
+for not having made better use of his opportunities,--when, Do what he
+will, he cannot avert the Black Storm,--when Ruin seems impending, and
+Catastrophe is on the cards,--when he is Down, in a word, and the
+despiteful are getting ready to gibe at him in his Misfortune, and to
+administer unto him the last Kick. These times of Trial and Bitter
+Travail ofttimes strike one who has just attained Middle age,--the
+Halfway-House of Life; and then, 'tis the merest chance in the world
+whether he will be enabled to pick himself up again, or be condemned for
+evermore to poverty and contumely,--to the portion of weeds and out-worn
+faces. I do confess that about this period of my career things went very
+badly with me, and that I was grievously hard-driven, not alone to make
+both ends meet, but to discover anything that could have its ending in a
+Meal of Victuals. I have heard that some of the greatest Prelates,
+Statesmen, Painters, Captains, and Merchants--I speak not of Poets, for
+it is their eternal portion, seemingly, to be born, to live, and to Die
+Poor--have suffered the like straits at some time or another of their
+lives. Many times, however, have I put it on record in these pages, that
+Despair and I were never Bedfellows. As for Suicide, I do condemn it,
+and abhor it utterly, as the most cowardly, Dishonest, and unworthy
+Method to which a Man can resort that he may rid himself of his
+Difficulties. To make a loathsome unhandsome corpse of yourself, and
+deny yourself Christian Burial, nay, run the risk of crowner's quest,
+and interment at the meeting of four cross-roads with a Stake driven
+through your Heart. Oh, 'tis shameful! Hang yourself, forsooth! why
+should you spend money in threepenny cord, when Jack Ketch, if you
+deserve it, will hang you for nothing, and the County find the rope?
+Take poison! why, you are squeamish at accepting physic from the doctor,
+which may possibly do you good. Why, then, should you swallow a vile
+mess which you are _certain_ must do you harm? Fall upon your sword, as
+Tully--I mean Brutus--or some of those old Romans, were wont to do when
+the Game was up! In the first place, I should like to see the man,
+howsoever expert a fencer, who could so tumble on his own blade and kill
+himself. 'Tis easier to swallow a sword than to fall upon one, and the
+first is quite as much a Mountebank's Trick as t'other. Blow your brains
+out! A mighty fine climax truly, to make a Horrible Mess all over the
+floor, and frighten the neighbours out of their wits, besides, as a
+waggish friend of mine has it, rendering yourself stone-deaf for life.
+If it comes to powder and ball, why, a Man of courage would much sooner
+blow out somebody else's Brains instead of his own.
+
+I did not, I am thankful to say, want Bread during this my time of ill
+luck; and I never parted with my sword; but sure it is that Jack
+Dangerous was woundily pushed, and had to adopt many extraordinary
+shifts for a livelihood. _Item:_ I engaged myself to one Mr. O'Teague,
+an Irishman, that had been a pupil of the famous Mr. Figg, Master of the
+Noble Art of Self-Defence, at his Theatre of Arms, on the right hand
+side of the Oxford Road, near Adam and Eve Court. Mr. Figg was, as is
+well known, the very Atlas of the Sword; and Mr. O'Teague's body was a
+very Mass of Scars and Cicatrices gotten in hand-to-hand conflicts with
+the broadsword on the public stage. He had once presumed to rival Mr.
+Figg, whence arose a cant saying of the time, "A fig for the Irish;" but
+having been honourably vanquished by him, even to the slicing of his
+nose in two pieces, the cracking of his crown in sundry places, and the
+scoring of his body as though it had been a Loin of Pork for the
+Bakehouse, he was taken into his service, and became a principal figure
+in all the grand gladiatorial encounters, at wages of forty shillings a
+week and his meat. As for Mr. Figg himself, who was as good at backsword
+as at broadsword, at quarter-staff as at foil, and at fisticuffs as any
+one of them,--to say nothing of his Cornish wrestling,--I saw him once,
+and shall never forget him. There was a Majesty blazed in his
+countenance and shone in all his actions beyond all I ever beheld. His
+right leg bold and firm; and his Left, which could hardly ever be
+disturbed, gave him the surprising advantages he so often proved, and
+struck his Adversary with Despair and Panic. He had that peculiar way of
+stepping in, in a Parry, which belongs to the Grand School alone; he
+knew his arm, and its just time of moving; put a firm faith in that, and
+never let his foe escape a parry. He was just as much as great a master
+as any I ever saw, as he was a greater judge of time and Measure. It was
+his method, when he fought in his Amphitheatre, to send round to a
+select number of his scholars to borrow a shirt for the ensuing combat,
+and seldom failed of half-a-dozen of superfine Holland from his prime
+Pupils. Most of the young Nobility and Gentry made it a part of their
+education to march under his warlike banner. Most of his Scholars were
+at every battle, and were sure to exult at their great master's
+victories; every person supposing he saw the wounds his shirt received.
+Then Mr. Figg would take an opportunity to inform his Lenders of the
+charm their Linen had received, with an offer to send the garments home;
+but he seldom received any other answer than "Hang you, keep it." A most
+ingenious and courageous person, and immeasurably beyond all his
+competitors, such as O'Teague, Will Holmes, Felix Maguire, Broughton,
+Sutton, and the like.
+
+Many good bouts with all kinds of weapons did we have at Mr. O'Teague's
+theatre, which was down a Stable-yard behind Newport Market, not far
+from Orator Henley's chapel. The shirt manoeuvre we tried over and
+over again with varying success; but we found it in the end impossible
+to preserve order among our Patrons, the greater part of whom were
+Butchers; and I am fain to admit that many of these unctuous sky-blue
+jerkins could fight as well as we. Then Mr. O'Teague was much given to
+drinking, and in his potations quarrelsome. 'Twas all very well
+fighting on a stage for profit, and with the chance of applause, a clean
+shirt, and perchance a Right Good Supper given to us by our admirers
+afterwards at some neighbouring Tavern; but I never could see the humour
+of Swashbuckling for nothing, and without occasion; and as my Employer
+was somewhat too prompt to call in cold iron when his Head was so Hot, I
+shook hands with him, and bade him find another assistant. This was the
+Mr. O'Teague that was afterwards so unfortunate as to be hanged at
+Tyburn for devalising a gentleman at Roehampton. Great interest was made
+to save him, his very prosecutor (who knew not at the first his
+assailant, or that he had been driven to the road by hard times) heading
+the signatures to a petition for him. But 'twas all in vain. He made a
+beautiful end of it in a fine white nightcap fringed; and his funeral
+was attended by some of the most eminent swordsmen in town, who had a
+gallant set-to afterwards for the benefit of his widow. 'Tis sad to
+think of the numbers of brave men that I have known, and how many of
+them are Hanged.
+
+About this time I was much with the Players, but misliked them
+exceedingly; and although numbers of brilliant offers were made to me, I
+could not be persuaded to try the sock and buskin. Hard as were the
+names by which my enemies would sometimes call me, I could never abide
+that of Rogue and Vagabond, and such, by Act of Parliament, was the
+player at that time. No, I said, whatever straits I am driven to, I will
+be a Soldier of Fortune, and Captain Dangerous to the last.
+
+Of my Adventure with Madam Taffetas the Widow, I am not disposed to say
+much. Indeed, until my being finally settled, and made the Happiest Man
+upon earth by my union with the departed Saint who was the mother of my
+Lilias, it must be admitted that my commerce with the Sex was mostly of
+the unluckiest description. I have been used most shamefully by women;
+but it behoves me not to complain, seeing how much felicity I was
+permitted to enjoy in my latter days. This much, however, I will
+discreetly set down. That meeting Madam Taffetas in a side box at Drury
+Lane play-house, She was pleased to accept my Addresses, and to inform
+me that my conversation was in the highest degree tasteful to her. I
+entertained her very handsomely--indeed much beyond my means, for I was
+very heavily in debt for necessaries, and I could scarcely walk the
+streets without apprehensions of the grim Sergeant with his capias.
+Madam Taffetas was an exceedingly comely person, amazingly well dressed,
+and, as I was given to understand, in very prosperous circumstances. She
+kept an Italian Warehouse by the Sign of The two Olive Posts, in the
+broad part of the Strand, almost opposite to Exeter Change, and sold all
+sorts of Italian Silks, Lustrings, Satins, Paduasoys, Velvets, Damasks,
+Fans, Leghorn Hats, Flowers, Violin Strings, Books of Essences, Venice
+Treacle, Balsams, Florence Cordials, Oil, Olives, Anchovies, Capers,
+Vermicelli, Bologna Sausages, Parmesan Cheese, Naples Soap, and similar
+delicate cates from foreign parts. All her friends put her down as a
+forty-thousand-pounder. In Brief, she professed to be satisfied with my
+gentility and Ancient Lineage, though worldly goods I had none to offer
+her. All congratulated me on my Good Fortune; and not wanting to make
+any unnecessary bustle about the affair, we took coach one fine Monday
+morning down to Fleet Market, and were married by a Fleet parson--none
+other, indeed, than my old friend Chaplain Hodge, who had taken to this
+way of life and found it very profitable, marrying his twenty or thirty
+couple a week, when Business was brisk, at fees varying from five
+guineas to seven-and-sixpence, and from a dozen of Burgundy to half a
+pint of Geneva. But 'twas a rascally business, the venerable man said,
+and he sorely longed for the good old days when he, and I, and Squire
+Pinchin, made the Grand Tour together. Alas, for that poor little man!
+His Reverence told me that he had gone from bad to worse; that his Mamma
+had married a knavish lawyer, who so bewildered Mr. Pinchin with
+Mortgages, and Deeds of Gift, and Loans at usurious interest, that he
+got at last the whole of his property from him, brought him in many
+thousands in debt besides, and, after keeping him for three years locked
+up and half-starved in the Compter, was only forced to consent to his
+enlargement when the unhappy little man--whose head was never of the
+strongest, and his wits always going a wool-gathering--went
+stark-staring mad, and was, by the City charity, removed to Bedlam
+Hospital in Moorfields. There he raved for a time, imagining himself to
+be the Pope of Rome, with a paper-cap for a tiara, an ell-wand for a
+crosier, a blanket for a rochet, and bestowing his blessings on the
+other Maniacs with much force and vehemence; and there, poor demented
+creature, he died in the year 1740.
+
+Much better would it have been for me, had I gone straight off my Head
+and had been sent to howl in Bedlam, than that I should have married
+that same thievish catamaran, Madam Taffetas. Surely never Madman
+deserved a Dark House and a Whip more than I did for that most foolishly
+contracted union. I defy Calumny to prove that I ever used anything
+approaching false Representations in this matter. I told her plainly
+that my Hand, Sword, and Deep Devotion were all I had to offer, and that
+for mere vile pounds, shillings, and pence, and other Mercantile
+Arrangements, I must look to her. Absolutely I borrowed ten pieces,
+although I was then at a very Low Ebb, to defray the expenses of the
+wedding Treat, which was done most handsomely at the Bible and Crown, in
+Pope's Head Alley, Cornhill. "Now then," I said to myself, as we came
+home towards the Strand (for we were resolved to have no foolish
+honeymooning in the Country, but to remain in town and keep an eye to
+Business)--"now then, Jack Dangerous, thou art at last Married and
+Settled, and need trouble thyself no more about the cares and anxieties
+of money-grubbing and bread-getting. Thou art tiled-in handsomely, Jack;
+thatched and fenced, and girt about with Comfort and Respectability.
+Thy hat is on, and thy house is covered." Alas, poor fool! alas, triply
+distilled zany and egregiously doting idiot! No sooner did a Hackney
+coach set us down at the Leghorn Warehouse in the broad part of the
+Strand, than we found Margery the maid and Tom the shopboy in a great
+confusion of tears on the threshold; and immediately afterwards we heard
+that during our absence to get married, Bailiffs had made their
+entrance, and seized all the Merchandise for a bill owing by Madam
+Taffetas to her Factor of Seven Hundred Pounds. The false Quean that I
+was wedded to was hopelessly bankrupt, and with the greatest impudence
+in the world she calls upon me to pay the Money; the Bailiffs adding,
+with a grin, that to their knowledge she owed much more than their
+Execution stood for, and that no doubt, so soon as it was bruited abroad
+that I was her Husband, the Sheriff of Middlesex would have something to
+say to me in the way of a capias against my person. In vain did I Rave
+and Swear, and endeavour to show that I could in no way be held liable
+for Debts which I had never contracted. Such, I was told, was the Law;
+and such it remains to this day, to the Great Scandal of justice, and
+the detriment of Gentlemen cavalieros who may be entrapped into marrying
+vulgar Adventuresses whom they deem Gentlewomen of Property, and who
+turn out instead to be not worth two-pence-halfpenny in the world. Nor
+were words wanting to add dire Insult to this astounding Injury; for
+Madam Taffetas, now Dangerous, as I groaningly remembered, must needs
+call me Mercenary Rascal, Shuffling Pickthank, Low-minded
+Fortune-hunter, and the like unkind names.
+
+Madam Dangerous indeed! But I am thankful to Providence that the title
+she assumed very soon fell away from her, and that I was once more left
+free and Independent. For whilst we were in the very midst of Hot
+Dispute and violent Recrimination comes a great noise at the door as
+though some one were striving to Batter it down. And then Margery the
+maid and Tom the shop-lad began to howl and yelp again, crying out
+Murder and thieves, and that they were undone, the Bailiffs smoking
+their Pipes and drinking their Beer meanwhile, as though they enjoyed
+the Humours of the Scene hugely, and my wicked wife now pretending to
+faint, and now making at me with the avowed Design of tearing my eyes
+out. Presently comes lurching and staggering into the room a Great
+Hulking Brute of a Man that was attired like a Sea Captain; and this
+Roystering Tarpaulin makes up without more ado to my Precious Partner,
+gives her two sounding Busses on either side of her cheeks, and salutes
+her as his wife.
+
+"Your wife!" I cried, starting up; "why, she's my wife! I married her
+this very morning, and to my sorrow, before Parson Hodge, the
+Couple-Beggar, at the Fleet."
+
+"That may be, Brother," answers the Sea Captain, with drunken gravity;
+"but she's my wife, for all that. You married her this morning, you say.
+I married her five years ago, at Horsleydown, and in the Parish church.
+I've got the 'Stifficate to prove it; and though I say it that
+shouldn't, there's not a Finer woman, with a neater ankle and such a
+Devil of a temper, to be found 'twixt Beachy Head and Cape Horn."
+
+"A fig for both of you," bellows Madam Taffetas, who had gone into one
+of her Sham Faints in the arm-chair, but was now conveniently recovered
+again. "If I'm married to both of you--to you, you pitiless Grampus"
+(this was to the Sea Captain), "and to you, Ruffian, Bully, and
+Stabster" (this was to _me_), "I'm married to somebody else, and my real
+Husband is a Gentleman, who, if he were here, would quoit the pair of
+you into the street from Exeter Change to the Fox under the Hill."
+
+She said this in one Scream, and then Fainted, or pretended to Faint
+again.
+
+"Brother," said the Sea Captain to me, staggering a little (for he
+confessed to having much mixed punch under hatches), but still very
+grave,--"brother, I think as how it's clear that we're both of us d--d
+fools, and d--d lucky fellows at the same time."
+
+"Amen!" cries one of the Bailiffs, with a guffaw.
+
+"_You_ belay," remarked the Captain, turning towards the vermin of Law
+with profound disdain. "Brother" (turning to me), "is the Press out?"
+
+"What do you mean?" I inquired. "You know that there's no warrant for
+press-gangs in this part of the Liberties of Westminster."
+
+"Liberty be Hanged!" quoth the Sea Captain. "If there was any liberty,
+there couldn't be a press, for which I don't care a groat, for I'm a
+master mariner. This is what I mean. Is them landlubbers there part of a
+press-gang? Are you trapped, brother? Are you in the bilboes? Are you in
+any danger of being put under hatches?"
+
+"Why," upspoke one of the Bailiffs, answering for me, "the truth is that
+we are Sheriff's Sergeants, and have made seizure, according to due writ
+of _fi. fa._ of this worthy lady's goods. We've nothing at all against
+the gentleman who says that he married her this morning; but as you
+said that you married her five years ago, it's very likely that we, or
+some of our mates, shall have something to say to you, in the form of
+parchment, between this and noon to-morrow."
+
+"Very well," answers the Strange Seaman. "You speak like a Man o' War's
+chaplain, some Lies and some Lingo, but all of it d--d Larned. Have you
+got ere a drop of rum, brother?"
+
+"There's nothing here but some Three-Thread Swipes," responds Mr.
+Bailiff; "and, indeed, we were waiting until the gentleman treated us to
+something better."
+
+"Then," continues the Captain, "you shall have some rum. Younker, go and
+fetch these gentlemen some liquor;" and he flings a crown to the
+shop-lad. "You may drink your grog and blow your baccy," he went on, "as
+long as ever you like, and much good may it do you. And as for you,
+Pig-faced Nan,"--in this uncivil manner did he address the false Madam
+Taffetas,--"you may go to bed, or to the Devil, 'zactly as you choose,
+and settle your Business with the Bailiffs in the morning 'zactly as you
+like. And you and I, brother," he wound up, taking me by the arm in
+quite a friendly manner, "will just go and take our grog and blow our
+baccy in peace and quietness, and thank the Lord for it."
+
+All this he said with great thickness and indistinctness of utterance,
+but with an immovable gravity of countenance. I never saw a Man who was
+manifestly so Drunk speak so sensibly, and behave himself in such a
+proper manner in my life.
+
+As he turned on his heel to leave the parlour where all this took place,
+I saw one of the Bailiffs rise stealthily as if to follow us.
+
+"Belay there!" the Captain cried, advancing his mahogany paw in a
+warning manner. "Hold hard, shipmates. I'm a peaceable man, and aboard
+they call me Billy the Lamb; but, by the Lord Harry, if I catch you
+sneaking about, or trying to find out where I and this noble gentleman
+be agoing, I'm blest if I don't split your skull in two with this here
+speaking-trumpet." And so saying the Captain produced a very long tin
+tube, such as Mariners carry to make their voices heard at a distance at
+sea, but which they generally have aboard, and do not carry with them in
+their walks.
+
+The Bailiffs were sensible men, and forbore to intermeddle with us any
+more. So we marched out of the House, it being now about nine o'clock at
+night; and, upon my word, from that moment to this, I never set eyes
+upon Madam Taffetas, or Dangerous, or Blokes,--for the Sea Captain's
+name, he afterwards told me, was Blokes,--or whatever her real name was.
+It is very certain that she used me most scandalously, and cruelly
+betrayed the trusting confidence of one that was not only a Bachelor,
+but an Orphan.
+
+Captain Blokes was a strange character. We had a grand Carouse that
+night, he paying the Shot like a gentleman; and over our flowing Bowls,
+he told me that he had long had suspicions of his wife's real
+character; and was, indeed, in possession of evidence (though he had
+kept it secret) to prove that she had given herself in marriage to
+another man before she had wedded him. And then, through the
+serving-lad, he had heard that very morning, on his coming into the Pool
+from Gravesend and Foreign Parts, that Madam, who thought him in China
+at least, and hoped him Dead, was about to enter into Wedlock once
+again; so that, determined to have Sport, he had well Primed himself
+with Punch, and lurked about the neighbourhood until Monsieur Tomfool
+and his Spouse (by which I mean myself, although no other man should
+call me so) had come home from the Fleet. And so all the Crying, and
+Lord ha' Mercies, of the Wench and the Boy, were all subterfuges; and
+they knew very well, the sly rogues, that the Sea Captain would soon be
+to the Fore.
+
+Nothing would suit him after this but that we should have Supper at the
+King of Prussia's Head, in the Savoy, and, as I had given up my Lodgings
+as not Grand enough for me on the eve of my wedding, and the Vessel of
+which he was Commander was lying in the Pool, that we should have
+Beds--at his charges--at the same Tavern; and, indeed, your Seafaring
+Men, although rough enough, and smelling woundily of tar and
+bilge-water, are the most Hospitable Creatures breathing; and that makes
+Me so free with my Money when there is a treat afoot; albeit I can,
+without Vanity, declare myself Amphibious, for I have seen as much
+service by Sea as by Land, and have always approved myself a Gentleman
+of Courage, Honour, and Discretion, on both Elements.
+
+The next morning, after a Nip of Aquavitæ, to clear the Cobwebs out of
+our throats, we went down to Billingsgate, where we saw my old humorous
+acquaintances, Brandy Sall, the fishwife, and the humorous porter, the
+Duke of Puddledock; likewise a merry Wag that did porterage work for the
+Fish Factors in the Market, and thereby seemed to have caught somewhat
+of the form of the fish beneath which his shoulders were continually
+groaning, so that all who could take that liberty with him called him
+Cod's Head and Shoulders. Here we breakfasted on new Oysters and Fried
+Flounders, with a lappet of Kippered Salmon, for Goodman Thirst's sake,
+and a rare bowl of hot Coffee, which made us relish a Jug of Punch
+afterwards in a highly jocund manner. And then we fell to conversation;
+and I, who had nothing to Conceal, and nothing to be Ashamed of, did
+recount those of my Adventures which I deemed would be most diverting
+(for I forbore to tell him those which were tedious and uneventful) to
+Captain Blokes. And he, not to be behindhand in frank confidence, told
+me how many years he had been at sea; how many merchant vessels he had
+commanded; and what Luck he had had in his divers Trading Adventures.
+Likewise, that he was now under engagement with some very worthy
+Merchants of Bristol, to man, equip, and command a vessel called the
+_Marquis_, which, in company with two others, the _Hope_ and the
+_Delight_, were about to undertake a Cruising Voyage round the World.
+Finding from my speech that I was not wholly unaccustomed to the Sea,
+and being made acquainted with what I had done in the West Indies and
+elsewhere, Captain Blokes was pleased to say that I was the very man for
+him, if I would join him. And at this time, in verity, it seemed as
+though nothing could suit me better; for my Resources were quite
+exhausted, and I was brought very Low. So, after some further parley,
+and a good Beefsteak and Onions, and a bottle of Portugee Wine for
+dinner, we went to the Scrivener's in Thames Street, by the name of
+Pritchett, that was Agent for the Company of Merchant Adventurers at
+Bristol; and an Agreement was drawn up, by which, for Fifty Shillings a
+month pay, all due rations and allowances, and a certain proportion of
+the profits to be divided among the Ship's Company at the termination of
+our Adventure, I bound myself to serve Captain Blokes as Secretary and
+Purser of the ship _Marquis_.
+
+"Which means," says he, when we had taken a Dram and shaken hands on
+signing articles, "that you are to Write, Fight, Drink, and keep
+Accompts, play put with me in the Cabin, assist me in preserving the
+Discipline of the Ship, sing a good song when you are called upon, help
+the Doctor to take care of the sick, and see that the Steward don't
+steal the Grog and Tobacco; and if you'll stick to me, by the Lord
+Harry, Billy Blokes will stick to you. I like you because you were such
+a d--d fool as to go and marry that old woman."
+
+The next day we took Coach at the Swan, by Paddington Church, for
+Bristol, and two days afterwards arrived at that great and flourishing
+Mercantile city. Nothing worthy of note on the road; the Highwaymen,
+that were wont to be so troublesome, being mostly put down, owing to
+Justice Fielding and De Vit's stringent measures. We were much beset
+with gangs of wild Irish coming over from their own country a-harvesting
+in our fertile fields; and those gentry were like to have bred a riot,
+quarrelling with the English husbandmen at Stow. Being at Bristol,
+comfortably housed at the Bible and Crown in Wine Street,--the landlord
+much given to swearing, but one of the best hands at making of Mum that
+ever I knew,--Captain Blokes had great work in settling business with
+the Company of Merchant Adventurers and Alderman Quarterbutt, their
+President. As it seems we were at war with the French and Spaniards, the
+_Marquis_ (burden about 320 tons) was to carry twenty-six guns and a
+complement of 108 men, letters of marque being granted to us by private
+Commission, with secret instruction as to Prizes and Plunder, so that
+the disposal of both should redound to the advantage of the Mariners,
+the Profit of our Employers, and the honour of His Majesty's arms. We
+had nigh double the usual complement of officers usual in private ships,
+to prevent Mutinies, which ofttimes happen in long voyages, and that we
+might have a large provision for a succession of officers in case of
+Mortality. In the _Marquis_ we had Captain Blokes, commander-in-chief of
+the whole Armament, a Mariner; a Second Captain, who was a Dr. of
+Physick, and also acted as President of our Committee (having much
+book-learning), and Commander of the Marines; two Leftenants; a Sailing
+Master; a Pilot that was well acquainted with the South Seas, having
+been in those latitudes twice before; a Surgeon and his Mate, or
+Loblolly Boy; Self as Secretary and Purser; two young lawyers, designed
+to act as Midshipmen; Giles Cash, as Reformado,--that was the title of
+courtesy given to those who were sent to sea in lieu of being hanged; a
+Gunner and his crew; a Boatswain, cooper, carpenter, sailmaker, smith,
+and armourer, ship's corporal, Sergeant of Marines, cook; a Negro that
+could shave and play the fiddle; and the Ship's company as aforesaid,
+one-third of whom were foreigners of every nation under the Sun; and of
+those that were His Majesty's subjects, many Tinkers, Tailors,
+Haymakers, Pedlars, &c.--a terribly mixed Gang, requiring much
+three-strand cord to keep 'em in order.
+
+On the 2nd August, 1748, we weighed from King's Road, by Bristol, and at
+ten at night, having very little wind, anchored between the Holms and
+Minehead. Coming on a fresh gale at S.E. and E.S.E., we ran by Minehead
+at six in the morning. Next day the wind veered to N.E. and E.N.E.; on
+the 4th there was but little wind, and smooth water; on the 5th we saw
+Land; and finding that we had overshot our port, which was Cork, came to
+an anchor at noon off the two rocks near Kinsale. At eight at night we
+weighed, having a Kinsale Pilot on board, who was like to have
+endangered our safety, the night being dark and foggy, and the Pilot not
+understanding his Business; so that he nearly turned us into the next
+Bay to the westward of Cork, which provoked Captain Blokes to chastise
+him publicly on the quarter-deck. Our two consorts got into Cork before
+us, and we did not anchor in the Cove until the 7th August, at three in
+the afternoon. We stayed here until the 28th of the month, getting in
+stores and provisions, and replacing as many of our tailors and
+haymakers as we could with real Sailors that could work the Ship. Our
+crew, however, were continually Marrying while we were at Cork, to the
+great Merriment of Self and Captain Blokes, who had seen enough and to
+spare of that Game; but they _would_ be Spliced, although they expected
+to sail immediately; among others, there was a Danish man coupled by a
+Romish Priest to an Irish woman, without understanding a word of each
+other's language, so that they were forced to use an Interpreter; yet I
+perceived this pair seemed more afflicted at separation than any of the
+rest. The Fellow continued melancholy for many days after we were at
+Sea. The rest, understanding each other and the world better, drank
+their cans of Flip till the very last Minute, concluded with a health to
+our good voyage and their next Happy Meeting, and then Departed, quite
+unconcerned.
+
+We took sailing orders on the 1st of September; and then Captain Blokes
+discovered to the crew whither we were bound,--that is to say, on a four
+years' voyage,--in order that, if any Disorders should arise among us,
+we might exchange our Malcontents while in company with one of His
+Majesty's ships. But no complaint was found on board the _Marquis_,
+except from one fellow who was expected to have been Tithing man that
+year in his Parish, and said his wife would be obliged to pay Forty
+shillings in his absence; but seeing all hands satisfied, he was easily
+quieted, and drank with the rest to a prosperous voyage. On the 2nd
+September we, having cleaned and tallowed our ship's five streaks below
+the Water-line, the fiddler struck up "Lumps o' Pudding," and to follow
+that "Cold and Raw," the Ship's company joining chorus with a will, and
+so fell down to the Spit End by the _Culloden_ Man of War, as our two
+Consorts had done the Night before. When we came to the Spit End,
+Captain Blokes saluted the _Culloden_ with seven Guns, to which they
+returned Five in courtesy, and then we again Three for thanks. And so
+commenced my Journey round the World.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE SECOND.
+
+MERCATOR HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT.
+
+
+MEANING simply this, that I have often and often, as a little Lad, gazed
+upon the Great Map--very yellow, and shiny, and cracked on its canvas
+mounting it was--of the World, upon Mercator's Projection, and devoutly
+longed for the day to arrive when it might be my fortune to make a
+Voyage of Circumnavigation. Such a Map, I remember, hung in the
+Schoolroom at Gnawbit's; and I have often been cruelly beaten for gazing
+at it and pondering over it, instead of endeavouring to commit to memory
+a quantity of Words, the meaning of which I could not for the life of me
+understand.
+
+Now, indeed, I had got my Desire, and was going round the World in a
+Ship well found with Men and Stores, occupying myself a responsible
+position, and one giving me some Authority, and enjoying the full
+Confidence of my Commander, who was, both when sober and inebriated (and
+he was mostly the latter), one of the most sagacious men I ever knew. He
+spoke seldom, and then generally with a Hiccup; but what he said was
+always to the Purpose. I doubt not, if Captain Blokes had been in the
+Royal Navy, he would by this time be flying his pendant as Admiral.
+
+'Twould fill a volume to give you a Narrative, however brief, of our
+Voyage. One does not go round the World quite so easily as a Cit taking
+a Wherry from Lambeth Walk to Chelsea Reach. No, no, my Masters; there
+are Perils to encounter, Obstacles to overcome, Difficulties to
+surmount; and I flatter myself that Jack Dangerous was not found wanting
+when a Stout Heart, a Strong Hand, and a Clear Head were needed. I
+repeat that 'tis impossible for me to give you an exact Log of so
+lengthy a Cruise; and you must needs be content if I set down a few
+bare Items of the most notable Things that befell us.
+
+On 11th September we chased a strange Sail, and after three hours came
+up with her. She proved to be a Swedishman. After firing a couple of
+shots at full Random at her, to show that we meant Mischief if provoked,
+and one of which Shots, I believe, passed over her Taffrail, and killed
+a Black Servant and the Captain's Monkey, Captain Blokes boarded her in
+his Yall; examined the Master, and searched the Ship for Contraband of
+War; but not finding any save a suspicious quantity of salted Reindeer's
+Tongues, our Committee agreed that she could not be considered a lawful
+Prize; and not being willing to hinder time by carrying her into any
+Harbour for further Examination, we let her go without the least
+Embezzlement. The Master gave us a dozen of his Reindeer Tongues, and a
+piece of dry Rufft Beef; and we presented him with a dozen bottles of
+Red-streak Cider. But while Captain Blokes and the Doctor of Physic and
+Self were aboard the Swede taking a social Glass with him, our rascally
+crew took it into their heads to Mutiny, their Grievance being that the
+vessel was a Contraband, and ought to be made a Prize of. The plain
+truth was, that the Rogues thirsted for Plunder. The Boatswain was one
+of the Mutineers. Him we caused to receive Four Dozen from the hands of
+his own Mates, and well laid on; about a dozen of the rest we put in
+Irons, after having Drubbed 'em soundly, and fed 'em upon
+Bread-and-Water; but at the end of a few days they begged Pardon, and,
+on promising Amendment, were allowed to return to their Duty.
+
+18th September we came in sight of Pico Teneriffe, bearing S.W. by W.,
+distant about eight leagues. This day we spied a Sail under our Lee Bow,
+between the Islands of Grand Canaries and Forteventura. She showed us a
+clean Pair of Heels; but we gave Chase, and after seven hours came up
+with her. She proved a Prize, safe enough: a Spanish Bark, about 25
+tons, with some 45 Passengers, who rejoiced much when they found we
+were English, having fancied that we were Turks or Sallee Rovers.
+Amongst our Prisoners were four Friars, and with them the Padre Guardian
+of Forteventura, a good, honest old fellow, fat, and given to jollity.
+Him we made heartily merry, drinking the Spanish King's Health, for
+naught else would he Toast. After we had made all Snug, we stood to the
+Westward with our Prize to Teneriffe, to have her ransomed, that is to
+say, her Hull; for her Cargo was not worth redeeming, being extremely
+shabby,--one or two Butts of Wine, a Hogshead of Brandy, and other small
+matters, which we determined to keep for our own use. The Spanish Dons
+made a mighty pother about paying, pleading that the Trade of these
+Islands enjoyed an immunity from Privateering by arrangement between his
+Catholic Majesty and the King of Great Britain, and were even seconded
+by some English merchants of Teneriffe that were frightened at the
+thought of the cruel Reprisals the Dons might exercise after we went
+away, both on their Persons and Properties; for Jack Spaniard is one
+that, if he cannot have Meal, will have Malt. But we soon let 'em know
+that Possession was Nine Points of the Law, and that we were resolved to
+stick to our Prize unless we got Ransom, which they presently agreed to.
+At eight o'clock the next morning we stood into the Port, close to the
+Town, and spied a Boat coming off, which proved to be the Deputy
+Governor, a Spanish Don with as many names as an English pickpocket has
+Aliases, and one Mr. Harbottle, that was English Vice-Consul. They
+brought us Wine, Figs, Grapes, Hogs, and other Necessaries, as Ransom in
+Kind for the Bark; and accordingly we restored her, as also the
+Prisoners, with as much as we could find of what belonged to their
+Persons; although, Truth to tell, some of our wild Reformadoes had used
+them somewhat unhandsomely. All the Books, Crucifixes, Reliques, and
+other superstitious things, we carefully gave back to the Friars; to the
+Padre a large Cheese, at which he was much delighted; and to another
+Religious, who had been stripped nearly as bare as a Robin, a pair of
+Breeches and a Red Nightcap. And so stood off, giving Three Cheers for
+King George, and one, with better luck next time, for the King of Spain;
+and I doubt not that they cursed us heartily that same night in their
+Churches, for Heretics. Now we had an indifferent good stock of Liquor,
+to be the better able to endure the Cold when we got to the length of
+Cape Horn, which, we were informed, had always very Cold Weather near
+it.
+
+On the 25th, according to custom, we Ducked those that had never passed
+the Tropic before. The manner of doing it was to reeve a Rope in the
+Mainyard, to hoist 'em about half-way up to the Yard, and let 'em fall
+at once into the Water; they being comfortably Trussed by having a Stick
+'cross through their Legs, and well fastened to the Rope, that they
+might not be surprised and let go their Hold. This proved of great use
+to our Fresh-water Sailors, to recover the Colour of their Skins, which
+had grown very Black and Nasty. Those that we Ducked in this manner
+Three Times were about 60; and others that would not undergo it could
+redeem themselves by a Fine of Half-a-Crown, to be Levied and Spent at a
+Public Meeting of all the Ships' Companies when we returned to England.
+The Dutchmen we had on board, and some few English, desired to be
+Ducked, some six, others eight and ten times, to have the better title
+for being Treated when they came home.
+
+On the 1st October we made St. Vincent, where our Water began to smell
+insufferably; so had some Coopers from the _Hope_ and _Delight_ to make
+us Casks, and take in a fresh Stock.
+
+On the 3d we sent a boat to St. Antonio, with one of our Gunners' Crew
+that was a very fair Linguist, to get Truck for our Prize Goods what we
+wanted; they having plenty of Cattle, Pigs, Goats, Fowls, Melons,
+Potatoes, Limes, and ordinary Brandies, Tobacco, Indian Corn, &c. Our
+people were very meanly stocked with Clothes; yet we were forced to
+watch our men very narrowly, and Punish some of 'em smartly, to prevent
+their selling what Garments they had, for mere Trifles, to the Negroes.
+
+We got all we wanted by the 8th; but our Linguist gave us leg-bail; and
+as he was much given to telling of Lies, we did not go to the pains of
+sending a party of Marines on shore after him. This is the place whither
+the Blacks come from St. Nicholas to make Oil of Turtle for the
+anointing of their Nasty Bodies withal. There was much good Green Turtle
+at this time of the year, which made me think of my old Jamaica days;
+but our men, in a body, refused to eat it, much preferring Salt Junk.
+
+_Item._--Many Flying Fish about here.
+
+Nothing more worthy of note till the 22d October, when Mr. Page, Second
+Mate, made an attack on his superior officer, the Doctor of Physic, with
+a Marline-spike; and, but for a very large Periwig he wore, which was
+accounted odd in one having a Maritime Command, would have finished him.
+Mr. Page was had to the Forecastle and clapped in the Bilboes, and
+Captain Blokes was for Hanging him off-hand as an Example to the rest;
+but I, as Secretary, pointed out to him that there was no Power of Life
+and Death in our Instructions, and that it would be folly to run the
+risk of a Præmunire when we made Home again. With much trouble I
+succeeded in dissuading him from his Design: so that the Mate was only
+lashed to the Main-gears and soundly Drubbed. Fair, pleasant Weather,
+and a fresh Gale. One that had secreted a Peruke, and a pair of scarlet
+Stockings with silver Clocks, out of the plunder of the Spanish Bark,
+did also receive Rib-roasting enough (this was on a Sunday, after
+Prayers) to last him for a fortnight.
+
+On the 10th of November, after a terrific Tornado and Thunder and
+Lightning, that frightened some of our Tailors and Haymakers half into
+Fits, we came to an Anchor in 22-fathom water, in a sandy bay off the
+land of Brazil. Caught some Tortoises for their Shells, for they have
+too strong a taste to be Eatable. A Portugee boat came from a Cove in
+the Island of Grande, on our Starboard side, and said they had been
+robbed by the French not long since. Captain Blokes, the Doctor, and
+Self went ashore to Angre de Keys, as it is called in Sea-Draughts; but,
+as the Portugee call it, Nostra Senora de la Concepcion, a small village
+about three leagues distant, to wait on the Governor, and make him a
+present of Butter and Cheese. As we neared the shore, the People, taking
+us for Mounseers, fired a few Musquetoons at us, which did us no Hurt;
+and when they found out who we were, they very Humbly Begged our Pardon.
+The Friars invited us to their Convent, and told us they had been so
+often stripped and abused by King Lewis's frog-eating Subjects, that
+they were obliged to take measures to Defend themselves; and, indeed,
+'twas these said Padres who had fired at us. The Governor was gone to
+Rio Janeiro, a city about twelve leagues distant, but was expected back
+next day. We got our empty Casks ashore, and sent our Carpenter, with a
+friendly Portugee, to look out Wood for Trustle-trees, both our Main and
+Fore being broke; but the Weather was so Wet and violent Sultry, that
+we could do nothing. Here are abundant Graves of Dead Men; and the
+Portugees told us that two great French ships, homeward bound from the
+South Seas, that Watered in this same place about nine months before,
+had buried nearly Half their men here; but 'twas at the Sickly season,
+and the French have a marvellous foul way of Living. The people very
+Civil; and we offered 'em handsome Gratuities if they would catch such
+of our men as might run away, which they promised to do most Cheerfully.
+
+Hearing of a Brigantine (this was some days afterwards) at the entrance
+of the Bay of Grande, we sent our Pinnace manned and armed to know all
+about her. She turned out to be a Portugee laden with Negroes, poor
+Creatures! for the Gold-mines. Our boat returned, and brought as
+presents a Roove of Fine Sugar and a Pot of Sweetmeats from the Master,
+who spoke a little English, and had formerly sailed with 'em. The
+Portugees are cautious in saying how far it is to the Gold-mines; but, I
+believe, the distance by water is not great; and there is certainly
+abundance of Gold in the country. The French took about 1200_l._ worth
+out of their boats last autumn at one Haul, which makes the Portugees
+hate 'em so. Some of 'em brought us a Monstrous Creature which they had
+killed, having Prickles or Quills like a Hedgehog, and the head and tail
+of a Monkey. It stank abominably, which the Portugees said was only the
+Skin, and that the Meat of it was very Delicious, and often used for the
+table; but our men not being yet on Short Commons, none of 'em had
+Stomach enough to try the Experiment, so that we were forced to throw it
+overboard to make a Sweet Ship. Our people could now hardly go ashore
+without being frightened, as they thought, by Tigers, and holloaing to
+be taken aboard again; but there was nothing more dangerous hereabouts
+than Apes and Baboons.
+
+Twenty-seventh November was a grand Festival at Angre de Keys, in honour
+of one of their Saints. We, and most of our officers from the _Hope_ and
+the _Delight_, went ashore and were received by the Governor, Signor
+Raphael da Silva Lagos, with much civility. He asked if we would see the
+Convent and Procession; and on our telling him our Religion differed
+very much from his, answered that we were willing to see it without
+partaking in the Ceremony. We waited on him in a Body, being ten of us,
+with two Trumpets and Hautboys, which he desired might play us to
+Church, where our Music did the office of an Organ, but separate from
+the Singing, which was very well chanted by the Padres. Our Trumpets and
+Hautboys played "Hey Boys, up go we!" and all manner of paltry noisy
+tunes; and, after service, the Musicians, who were by this time more
+than half-drunk, marched at the head of the Company: next to them an old
+Padre and two Friars, carrying Lamps of Incense. Then the Image of the
+Saint, as Fine as a Milkmaid's Garland, borne on a Bier, all spangled,
+on the shoulders of four men, and bedizened out with Flowers,
+Wax-candles, &c. After these, the Padre Guardian of the Convent, and
+about forty Priests in their full Habits. Next came the Governor;
+Captain Blokes, in a blue Navy Coat laced with Gold, a pair of
+scarlet-velvet Breeches, and a Military Hat; and the rest of the English
+officers in their very best Apparel. I was fit to die a-laughing, and
+whispered to our Doctor of Physic, that had I known I was fated to walk
+in such a Procession, I would never have sold my old Tower Warder's
+slashed doublet to the Frippery Man in Monmouth Street, but would have
+brought it round the World with me to wear at this Outlandish place.
+Each of us had, moreover, in Compliment to his Saintship, a long Candle,
+lighted, in his hand; the which gave us great Diversion, flaring the
+tapers about, and seeking to smoke one another. The Ceremony held about
+two hours, after which we were splendidly entertained at the Convent,
+and then by the Governor at the Guard-house, his own habitation being
+about three leagues off. It is to be noted, they Kneeled at every
+Crossway, and turning, walked round the Convent, and came in at another
+door, bowing down and paying their devotion to the Images and the
+Wax-candles, with the like superstitious observances. They unanimously
+told us, however, that they expected nothing from us but our Company;
+and, beyond the Trumpets and Hautboys, and a jolly Song or two from us,
+they had no more. Many Sharks were in the Road, that keep the Negro
+Slaves in good order, should they, poor Black Fellows, attempt Escape to
+any foreign ship by swimming to her. But the Portugees are not very hard
+with their Negroes, save up at the Gold-mines, where Mercy is quite
+unknown. _Aqua d'oro_ may be a very good Eye-water; but, sure, there's
+nothing like it for hardening of the Heart.
+
+On the 28th of this Month we bade farewell to our kind friends of Angre
+de Keys. Just before sailing we sent a Boat to the town for more
+Necessaries, and brought off some Gentlemen, whom we treated to the very
+best we could. They were very glorious, and in their Cups proposed the
+Pope's Health to us; but we were quits with 'em by toasting that of the
+Archbishop of Canterbury; and, to keep up the humour, we also proposed
+Martin Luther: but this fell flat, as they had never Heard of him;
+whereas that of his Grace at Lambeth turned out rather against us than
+for us; for they cried out that they knew him very well, and that he was
+a Catholic Saint, under the style and title of San Tomaso de Cantorberi.
+
+December 1st, we weighed with a breeze at N.E.; but later came on a gale
+S.S.W., forcing us to anchor close under the Island of Grande. About 10
+next morning we weighed again, and bore away and steered away S.W. Now
+the product of Brazil is well known to be Red Wood, Sugars, Gold,
+Tobaccos (of every kind, and very choice), Whale Oil, Snuff, and several
+sorts of Drugs. The Portugees build their best ships here. The people
+very Martial; and 'tis but a few years since they would be under no
+Government, but have now submitted to the House of Braganza, which makes
+a Pretty Penny out of them. Their Customs are very nasty; their Houses
+marvellously foul; and they are for ever smoking of Tobacco; but the
+Portugees are still a very friendly folk, cordial to us English,
+although they call us Heretics, and, but for their great love for
+roasting Jews, very tender-hearted. I like them much better than those
+Proud Paupers the Spaniards. A Beggar on Horseback is bad enough; but
+Goodness deliver us from a Beggar on an Andalusian Jackass!
+
+_Memorandum._--Brazil discovered by the famous Americus Vespucius, that
+came after Captain Christopher Colomb.
+
+Nothing remarkable happened until December 6th, when we had close cloudy
+Weather, with Showers; and, after that, some pretty sharp Gales. On the
+15th the colour of the water changed; and we sounded, but had no ground.
+On the 18th one of the _Hope's_ men fell out of the Mizen-top on the
+Quarter-deck, and broke his Skull; so that he died, and was buried next
+day. A brisk fellow, that, from his merry ways, used to be called
+Brimstone Jemmy. After this, cold airy weather, and numbers of
+Porpoises, black on their backs and fins, with sharp white Noses. They
+often leaped high up in the water, showing their white bellies. Also, a
+plenty of seals. December 23d we saw Land, appearing first in three, and
+afterwards in several Islands. The Wind being westerly, and blowing
+fresh, we could not weather it, but were forced to bear away and run
+along Shore from three to four leagues distant. This we saw first was
+Falkland's Land, described in few Draughts, and none lay it down right,
+though the Latitude agrees pretty well. December 25th saw Land again;
+but could not get near enough to see whether it was inhabited; in truth
+we were too much in a hurry to think of making Discoveries; for at four
+in the Afternoon we sighted a Sail under our Lee-bow, gave chase, and
+got ground of her apace till Night came on. In the Morning we saw
+nothing, it being thick hazy Weather; then, as ill luck would have it,
+it fell Calm, and having nothing else to do we Piped all hands to
+Punishment, and gave the Cook three dozen for burning Captain Blokes'
+burgoo. Then Grog served out, and we took an Observation. Lat. 52·40.
+
+We kept on rowing and towing with Sweeps, and our Boats ahead, until
+about six in the Evening; and the Chase appearing to be a large ship, we
+sent Boats aboard our Consorts, and agreed to engage her. A fine breeze
+sprang up, and we got in our Sweeps and Boats, making all possible sail;
+it came on thick again; but we kept her open on the Larboard, and the
+_Hope_ and _Delight_ on the Starboard bow, and it being now Short
+Nights, we thought it impossible to lose one another. But the Master
+persuaded our Commander to shorten sail, saying that we should lose our
+Consorts if we kept on. Another Fog, and be hanged to it; but the next
+morning the Yellow Curtain was lifted up, and we saw the Chase about
+four miles ahead, which gave us a new Life. We ran at a great Rate, it
+being smooth water; but it coming on to blow more and more, the Chase
+outbore our Consorts, and being to windward she gave off, and then came
+down very melancholy to us, supposing her to be a French Homeward-bound
+Ship from the South Seas. Thus, this Ship escaped; and left us all, from
+the Commander to the Cabin-boys (who had a hard time of it that night,
+you may be sure), in the most doleful Dumps.
+
+Strong gales to the 1st of January. This being New-Year's Day, every
+officer was wished a Merry New Year by our Trumpets and Hautboys; and we
+had a large tub of Punch, hot, upon the Quarter-deck, where every man in
+the Ship had above a Pint to his share, and drank to our Owners' and
+Friends' healths in Great Britain, to a Happy New Year, a good Voyage,
+plenty of Plunder (Wo is me for that Homeward-bound Frenchman from the
+Southern Seas!), and a Safe Return. And then we bore down on our
+Consorts and gave them three Huzzas, wishing them the like.
+
+Now, it being very raw cold Weather, we very much dreaded scudding upon
+Ice; so we fired Guns as Signals for the _Hope_ and _Delight_ to bring
+to, and on the 5th of January brought ourselves to, under the same
+reefed Topsails. We feared at one time, from our Consorts having an
+Ensign in their Maintopmast shrouds, as a Signal of Distress, that they
+had sprung their Mainmast; so we made the Large again, our Ship working
+very well in a mighty great sea. When we were able to get within Hail of
+our Consorts, we asked them how they did, and how they had come to hoist
+the Wretched Rag. They answered, Pretty well, but that they had shipped
+a great deal of Water in lying by, and being forced to put before the
+wind, the Sea had broke in at the Cabin Windows, filling the Steerage
+and Waist, and was like to have spoiled several Men; but, Heaven be
+thanked! all else was indifferent well with 'em; only it was intolerably
+Cold, and everything Wet. Captain Blokes sent me on board the _Delight_
+in our Yall, and I found them in a very disorderly Pickle, with all
+their Clothes a-drying: the Ship and Rigging covered with 'em from the
+Deck to the Maintop. They got six of their Guns into the Hold, to make
+the Ship lively.
+
+Aboard the _Marquis_ died, on the 8th, John Veale, a Landsman, having
+lain ill a Fortnight, and had a Swelling in the Legs ever since he left
+the Island of Grande. At nine at night we buried him; and this was the
+first we had lost by Sickness since we left England. Until the 15th,
+cloudy Weather with Squalls of Rain, and fresh Gales at S.W. We now
+accounted ourselves round Cape Horn, and so in the South Seas. The
+French ships that first came to trade in these seas were wont to come
+through the Straits of Magellan; but Experience has taught 'em since,
+that this is the best Passage to go round the Horn, where they have Sea
+Room enow, without being crushed and crowded as at a Ranelagh
+Masquerade; and the Straits are in many places very narrow, with strong
+Tides and no Anchor Ground.
+
+On the 31st of January, at seven in the Morning, we made the Island of
+Juan Fernandez, bearing W.S.W., and about two in the Afternoon we
+hoisted our Pinnace out, and essayed to send one of our Lieutenants
+ashore, though we could not be less than four leagues off. As soon as it
+was Dark our men cried out that they saw a Light ashore; our Boat was
+then about a mile from the Shore, and bore away for the Ship on our
+firing a Quarter-deck Gun, and several Muskets, showing Lanterns in our
+Mizen and Foreshrouds, that the Pinnace might find us again, whilst we
+plied to the lee of the Island. About two in the Morning she came
+aboard, all safe. Next day we sent our Yall ashore about noon with the
+Master and Six Men, all well Armed; meanwhile we cleared all ready for
+Action on board the _Marquis_. Our Boat did not return, so we sent our
+Pinnace with the Crew, likewise Armed: for we were afraid that the
+Spaniards might have had a Garrison there, and so seized 'em. However,
+the Pinnace returned, and brought abundance of Crawfish, but found
+nothing human; so that the alarm about the Light must have been a mere
+superstition of the Ship's Company.
+
+_It was at this same Island of Juan Fernandez, in the year of our Lord
+1708-9, that Captain Woodes Rogers, commanding the "Duke" Frigate, and
+with whom also Captain Dampier, that famous Circumnavigator, sailed,
+found a Man clothed in Goatskins, who looked wilder than they who had
+been the first owners of 'em. He had been on the Island four years and
+four months, being left there by Captain Stradling in the "Cinque
+Ports;" his name was_ ALEXANDER SELKIRK, _a Scottish man, who had been
+Sailing Master to the "Cinque Ports;" but quarrelling with the
+Commander, was by him accused of Mutiny, and so Abandoned on this
+Uninhabited Island. During his stay he saw several Ships pass by, but
+only two came to an Anchor. As he went to view 'em he found they were
+Spaniards, and so retired, upon which they Shot at him. Had they been
+French, he would have submitted; but chose to risk his dying alone on
+the Island rather than fall into the hands of the Spaniards, because he
+apprehended they would Murder him, or make a Slave of him in the Mines;
+for he feared they would spare no Stranger that might be capable of
+Discovering the South Sea. He had with him when left his Clothes and
+Bedding, with a Firelock, some Powder, Bullets, and Tobacco, a Hatchet,
+a Knife, a Kettle, a Bible, some practical Pieces, and some Mathematical
+Instruments and Books. During the first eight months of his stay he
+suffered much from Melancholy and Terror; but afterwards got on pretty
+well. He built two Huts with Pimento Wood, which he also burnt for Fuel
+and Candle; and which, besides, refreshed him with its fragrant smell.
+He had grown very Pious in his Retreat, and was much given to singing of
+Psalms, having before led a very naughty life. Being a very good sailor,
+Captain Woodes Rogers took him away with him as Second Mate. He told 'em
+that he had been at first much pestered with Cats and Rats, the latter
+of which gnawed his feet and clothes, so that he was obliged to cherish
+the Cats with Goat's-flesh, and they grew so familiar with him as to lie
+about him in hundreds. But I cannot stay to recount half the wonderful
+Adventures of Mr. Selkirk. I knew him afterwards, a very old Man,
+lodging with one Mrs. Branbody, that kept a Chandler's Shop over against
+the Jews' Harp Tavern at Stepney. He was wont bitterly to complain that
+the Manuscript in which he had written down an Account of his Life at
+Juan Fernandez had been cozened out of him by some crafty Booksellers;
+and that a Paraphrase, or rather Burlesque, of it, in a most garbled and
+mutilated form, had been printed as a Children's Story-book, under the
+name of_ ROBINSON CRUSOE. _This was done by one Mr. Daniel Foe, a
+Newswriter, who, in my Youth, stood in the Pillory by Temple Bar, for a
+sedition in some plaguey Church-matters. But it is fitting to let these
+Gentry know that they have Ears, lest they become too Saucy._
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE THIRD.
+
+THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO EUROPE.
+
+
+NOW, being got away from Juan Fernandez, did an unconquerable Greed and
+Longing for Prize and Plunder come over us; and did we sweep the Horizon
+hour after hour as long as it was Light, in hope of satisfaction to our
+long-deferred Hope. March 2d we sighted Land, and a vast high ridge of
+Mountains they call the Cordilleras, and are in the Country of Chili.
+Some parts are, I believe, full as high, if not higher, than the Pico of
+Teneriffe, and the tops of all of 'em covered with Snow. This day we
+came to an allowance of Three Pints of Water a day for each man; judging
+it best to be Economical, although we had a good stock of water aboard
+(taken in at Juan Fernandez); but Captain Blokes' reason was, to be able
+to keep at Sea for some time longer, and take some Prizes to keep the
+Deuce out of our pockets, without being discovered by Watering; for our
+South-Sea Pilot told us that the timorous people of these Latitudes once
+smelling an Enemy hovering about, will put to sea with nothing of value
+from one end of the Coast to the other. Much baffled by several white
+Rocks that looked like Ships, and Captain Blokes much incensed at
+continual Disappointments, takes to making the Cabin-boy weary of his
+life; and after drubbing him with a Rope's end three times doubled, was
+for sousing him in the Pickle-tub; but I dissuaded him (remembering the
+Torments I had myself endured as a Moose; and even now when I think of
+'em I am Afraid, and Trembling takes hold of my Flesh), and so no more
+was Done to him, beyond a Threat that he should be Keel-hauled next
+time; although the poor lad had in no way misbehaved himself. We got the
+two Pinnaces into the water, to try 'em under sail, having fixed each
+of 'em with a Gun, after the manner of a Patterero, to be useful as
+small Privateers, hoping they'd be serviceable to us in little winds to
+take vessels. March 15th, Land again, and we supposed it was Lobos; and
+sure enough, on the 17th, we got well unto anchor off that Island, but
+found nobody at the place. On the 19th we determined to fit out our
+small Bark for a Privateer, and launched her into blue water, under the
+name of the _Beginning_. To his great pride and delight, Captain Blokes
+appointed the Doctor of Physic to command her. She was well built for
+sailing, so she was had round to a small Cove in the Southernmost part
+of Lobos. A small Spar out of the _Marquis_ made a Mainmast for her, and
+one of our Mizen Topsails was altered to make her a Mainsail. March
+21st, All being ready, and the _Beginning_ christened by Captain Blokes
+emptying a Bowl of hot Punch over her bow, she was victualled from the
+general store; and the Doctor of Physic, who, for all his Degree,
+claimed to be a good Mariner, took possession of his high and important
+command. Twenty men from our ship, and ten from our Consorts, were put
+aboard her, all well Armed. We saw her out of the Harbour, and she
+looked very pretty, having all Masts, Sails, Rigging, and Materials,
+like one of those Half Galleys fitted out for his Majesty's Service in
+England. They gave our Ship's Company three Huzzas, and we returned them
+the like at parting. We told the Captain-Doctor that if we were forced
+out of the Road, or gave chase hence, we would leave a Glass Bottle,
+buried under a remarkable Great Stone agreed upon, with Letters in it,
+to give an Account of how it was with us at the moment of our Departure,
+and where to meet again. And he was to do the like. When the _Beginning_
+was gone we fell to and scrubbed Ship, getting abundance of Barnacles
+off her much bigger than Mussels. Seals numerous, but not so many as at
+Juan Fernandez. A large one seized upon a fat Dutchman that belonged to
+us, and had like to have pulled him into the water, biting him to the
+bone about the arms and legs. This Hollander was henceforth known as
+the Lord Chancellor, having been so very near the Great Seal. After
+barnacling, we gave the _Marquis_ a good Keel, and Tallowed her low
+down. Another Dutchman we had died of the Scurvy. His Messmates said
+that it was because we had no more Cheese aboard, and that we could not
+catch Red Herrings by angling for them in Blue Water.
+
+March 28th. The little _Beginning_ came in with a Prize, called the
+_Santa Josepha_, bound from Guayaquil to Truxillo, 50 tons burden, full
+of Timber, with some Cocoa-nuts and Tobacco. A very paltry Spoil. There
+were about twelve Spaniards aboard, who told us (after some little
+Persuasion, in the way of Drubbing) that the Widow of the late Viceroy
+of Peru would shortly embark at Acapulco, with her Family and Riches,
+and stop at Payta to Refresh; and that about eight months ago there was
+a Galleon with 200,000 pieces of Eight on board, that passed Payta on
+her way to Acapulco. They continued, however, to Lie and Contradict
+themselves when questioned; and so (as they howled most dismally on deck
+while under Punishment) they were had down to the Cockpit, where the
+Boatswain and his Mates had their Will of them, and I don't know what
+became of them afterwards. These Spanish Prisoners give a great deal of
+Trouble.
+
+April 2d. The Superstitious among us were heartily frightened at the
+Colour of the Water, which for several miles looked as Red as any Blood.
+Some fellows among the crew that were of a Preaching Turn, gave out that
+this unusual appearance was an Omen, or Warning to us of Judgments
+coming for what had been done to the Spanish Prisoners (in the which
+Duresse I declare I had no hand; 'twas all done by Captain Blokes'
+orders, and 'tis very likely that the Boatswain, who was a Rough Fellow,
+very ignorant, exceeded his instructions). It was explained, however,
+that this Sanguinary Hue in the water was a perfectly natural
+appearance, caused by the Spawn of Fish; and two or three of the
+preaching fellows being had to the Maingears and well Drubbed, Grog was
+served out to the rest, and an Alarm, which might have bred a Mutiny,
+soon subsided.
+
+But huzza! on the 5th of April we had things more substantial to think
+of than Red Seawater; for we took, after a very slight Resistance, a
+Ship called the _Ascension_, built Galleon-fashion, very high, with
+Galleries, Burden between 400 and 500 tons, and two Brothers Commanders,
+both Dons of families that were Grandees 500 years before Adam was born,
+and of course with five-and-twenty Christian Names apiece. She had a
+number of Passengers and some fifty Negroes; but the former being
+persons of Condition, far above the Common Sort, and not poor Coasting
+people, such as were those in the Timber Bark, we used 'em handsomely.
+They, without any such persuasion as was employed to their forerunners,
+told us that the Bishop of Chokeaqua, a place far up the Country in the
+South Parts of Peru, was to have come from Panama in this vessel for
+Lima, but would stop at Payta to Recruit. Being near that place, we
+resolved to Watch narrowly, in order to catch his Lordship.
+
+Now to the Norrard, and on the 10th of April we were off the Hummocks
+they call the Saddle of Payta; and being very Calm, we held a
+Court-Martial on one of our Midshipmen who had threatened to shoot one
+of our men when at Lobos, merely for refusing to carry some Crows that
+he had shot. The Court was held in Captain Blokes' Cabin, and consisted
+of the Commander, Self, First-Lieutenant, assisted in our deliberations
+by sundry Pipes of Tobacco and a great Jug of Punch. Found Guilty.
+Sentenced to be Degraded before the Mast, to have his Grog stopped for a
+Fortnight, and to receive Four Dozen at the Gun (for he being a kind of
+Officer, we did not wish to Humiliate him on deck). Half of his
+Punishment he endured with more doleful Squalling than ever I heard from
+a Penitent in my Life, although the Boatswain was very tender with him,
+and three Tails of the Cat were tied up. He begged pardon, and so
+Captain Blokes remitted him the rest of his Punishment. This Midshipman
+was one who sang a very good Song; and so a Cushion being brought to
+Ease him, we finished the Evening and the Punch jovially enough, he
+being before the end in high favour with the Commander, and promised his
+Rating back again.
+
+April 15th. The Officers of all three Ships met on board the _Marquis_,
+and the Committee came to a Resolution to attack Guayaquil at once. The
+Bark we had called the _Beginning_ by this time had come back to us,
+having begun nothing and found nothing, since its first prize, except a
+great Sea Lubber, some kind of Monster that the Doctor of Physic had
+caught and wanted to preserve in Rum, to make a Present of to the Royal
+Society when we came Home; but we forbade his wasting good Liquor for so
+unworthy an end, and the Monster, smelling intolerably, was thrown
+overboard. 'Twould have caused me no great sorrow to see the Doctor
+follow his Prodigy, for he was a very uncomfortable Person, and was
+much given to cheating at Cards.
+
+April 20th. To our Boats off Guayaquil, a Great Company of Men and
+Officers all armed to the teeth. We rowed till 12 at night, when we saw
+Lights, which we judged to be a place called Puna. It blew fresh, with a
+small rolling Sea, the Boat I commanded being deep laden and crammed
+with men; some of us say they would rather be in a Storm at Sea than
+here; but, in regard we were about a charming Undertaking, we thought no
+Fatigue too hard. At daybreak we saw a Bark above us in the River; and,
+running down upon her, found it was a large Pinnace, full of the most
+considerable Inhabitants of Puna, escaping towards Guayaquil. Here were
+at least a dozen handsome genteel young Women, extremely well dressed,
+and from them our men got some fine Gold Chains and Earrings. Some of
+these Nicknacks were concealed about 'em; but the Gentlewomen in these
+parts being very thinly dressed in Silk and Fine Linen, they could hide
+but little, and our Linguist was bidden to advise them to be Wise in
+Time, and surrender their Valuables, which they did. And so civil were
+our Sailors to them, that they offered to dress some Victuals for us
+when we got 'em aboard; which made us hope that the Fair Sex would be
+kind to us when we returned to England, for our discreet behaviour to
+these charming Prisoners.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am afraid that during the Attack on Guayaquil, which took place the
+next day, and continued for the three following ones, when the place
+Capitulated to our force, and a Treaty was signed between our Commanders
+and the Governor and Corregidor of Guayaquil, sundry proceedings took
+place that would not very well have squared with the public ideas of
+what is due to the Fair Sex just treated of; but I declare that I had
+neither Art nor Part in them, and that I am entirely Free from any
+Responsibility that Censure might cast on the Authors of Cruel
+Disturbances; for early in the Attack I was hit by a Musket-ball in the
+chest, and borne senseless to our Boats. That I did my Duty bravely, my
+Commander was good enough to say, and the whole Ship's Company to admit.
+I was carried away to the _Marquis_, and for a long time lay between
+Hawk and Buzzard; for a smart Fever came about the third day, like
+Burgundy wine after Sherris, and I was for awhile quite off my head and
+Raving about Old Times;--about Captain Night and the Blacks, and Maum
+Buckey and her Negro Washerwomen, and my Campaign against the Maroons,
+and some Other Things that had befallen me during those fifteen years
+which I have chosen to leave a Blank in my life, and which I scorn to
+deny did--some of them--lie heavy on my Conscience. All these were mixed
+up with the old Gentleman at Gnawbit's, and my Lord Lovat with his head
+off, and my Grandmother in Hanover Square; so that I doubt whether those
+who tended me knew what to make of me. There was some difficulty too as
+to medical attendance, for we had cashiered our Surgeon--that is to
+say, he had run away at Grande in the Brazils, to marry a brown
+Portugee woman; and the Doctor of Physic he was all for Herbal
+Treatment, demanding Succory, Agrimony, Asarabacca, Knights-pound-wort,
+Cuckoo-point, Hulver-bush, with Alehoof, and other things not to be
+found in this part of the World. And Captain Blokes said that he knew
+nothing half so good for a Gunshot Wound as cold Rum-and-Water; and
+between the two I had like to have died, but all were very kind to me,
+even to extracting the Ball with a Pair of Snuffers; and a great clumsy
+thing the said missile was, being, I verily believe, part of a
+Door-hinge which these clumsy Spanish Brutes had broken off short to
+cram into their Guns; and yet it might have gone worse with me had it
+been a smooth round cast Bullet, and drilled a clean Wound right through
+my Body.
+
+As I was coming round, even to the taking of some Sangaree and Chicken
+Panada (for we were now very well provided with Live Stock), the
+Captain said to me: "You ha'n't murdered a man, Brother, have you?"
+
+I replied, starting up, that my hands were free from the stain of Blood
+unrighteously spilt.
+
+"No offence, Brother Dangerous," continued the Captain. "In our line of
+life we ar'n't particular. It wouldn't take very dirty weather to make
+our Ensign look like a Black Flag. Piracy and Privateering--they both
+begin with a P. I thought you had something o' that sort on your mind,
+because you took it so woundily about being hanged."
+
+"I have had a strange life," I answered faintly.
+
+"No doubt about that," says the Captain. "So have I, Brother, and not an
+over-good one: that's why I asked you. If the old woman hadn't been in
+the oven herself, she'd never have gone there to look for her daughter.
+But have you anything on your mind, Brother? Is there anything that
+Billy Blokes can do for you?"
+
+I answered, very gratefully, that there was nothing I could think of.
+
+"'Cause why," he resumed, "if there is, you have only to sing out. If
+you think you're like to slip your Cable and would like to say
+something, we've got a Padre on board out of the last Prize, and he
+shall come and do the Right Thing for you. You don't know anything about
+his lingo; but what odds is that? Spanish, or Thieves' Latin, or
+rightdown Cockney,--it's all one when the word's given to pipe all
+hands."
+
+I answered that I was no Papist, but a humble member of the Church of
+England as by Law established.
+
+"Of course," concluded the Captain. "So am I. God bless King George and
+the Protestant Succession, and confound the Pope, the Devil, and the
+Pretender! But any Port in a storm, you know; and a Padre's better than
+no Prayers at all. I've done all I could for you, Brother. I've read you
+most part of the story of Bel and the Dragon, likewise the Articles of
+War, and a lot of psalms out of Sternhold and Hopkins; and now, if you
+feel skeery about losing the number of your mess, I'll make your Will
+for you, to be all shipshape before the Big Wigs of London. There must
+be a matter of Four Hundred Pounds coming to you already for your share
+of Plunder; and no one shall say that Billy Blokes ever robbed a
+Messmate of even a twopenny tester of his Rights."
+
+Again I thanked this singular person, who, for all his Addictedness to
+Rum-and-Water, of which he drank vast quantities, was one of the most
+Sagacious men I have known. But I told him that I had neither kith nor
+kin belonging to me; that I did not even know the name of my Father and
+Mother; and that my Grandmother, even, was an Unknown Lady, and been
+dead nigh forty years. Finally, that if I made my Will, it would only be
+to the effect that my Property, if any, might be divided among the
+Ship's Company of the _Marquis_, with a donative of Fifty guineas to the
+_Hope_ and _Delight_ people to drink to my Memory.
+
+"Ay, and to a pleasant journey to Fiddler's Green," cries out the
+Captain. "But cheer up, Heart; ye're not weighed for the Long Journey
+yet." Nor had I; for I presently recovered, and in less than a month
+after my Mishap was again whole and fit for Duty. And I have set this
+down in order to confute those malignant men who have declared that all
+my Wounds were from Stripes between the Shoulders; whereas I can show
+the marks, 1°, of an English Grenadier's bayonet; 2°, of a Frenchman's
+sword; 3°, of a Spanish bullet; with many more Scars gotten as
+honourably, and which it would be only braggadocio to tell the History
+of.
+
+_Item._--The Corregidores, or Head-Men of Guayaquil, are great Thieves.
+The Mercenary Viceroys not being permitted to Trade themselves, do use
+the Corregidores as middle-men, and these again employ a third hand; so
+that ships are constantly employed carrying Quicksilver, and all manner
+of precious and prohibited goods, to and from Mexico out of by-ports.
+Thus, too, being their own Judges, they get vast Estates, and stop all
+complaints in Old Spain by Bribes. But now and then comes out a Viceroy
+who is a Man of Honesty and Probity, and will have none of these
+Scoundrelly ways of Making Money (like Mr. Henry Fielding among the
+Trading Justices, a Bright exception for integrity, though his Life, as
+I have heard, was otherwise dissolute), and then he falls too and
+squeezes the Corregidores, in the same manner as Cardinal Richelieu,
+that was Lewis Thirteenth's Minister, was wont to do with the
+Financiers. "You must treat 'em like Leeches," said he; "and when they
+are bloated with blood, put salt upon them, to make them disgorge." And
+I have heard that this rigid System of Probity, and putting salt on the
+gorged Corregidores, has ofttimes turned out more profitable to the
+Viceroys than trading on their own account.
+
+Many of our men falling sick here, and our Ransom being now fully
+disbursed by the authorities of Guayaquil, we made haste to get away
+from the place, which was fast becoming pestiferous.
+
+We set sail with more than fifty men Down with the Distemper (of which
+they were dying like Sheep with the Rot in the town, and all the
+Churches turned into Hospitals); but we hoped the Sea Air, for which we
+longed, would set us all healthy again. So plying to windward, bearing
+for the Galligapos Islands, and on the 21st of May made the most Norrard
+of that Group. Jan Serouder, a West Frieslander, and very good Sailor,
+though much given to smoking in his Hammock, for which he had many times
+been Drubbed, died of the Distemper. A great want of Medicines aboard,
+and the Rum running very low. Sent a boat ashore to see for Water, Fish,
+and Turtle, which our men (being now less Dainty by Roughing) had, by
+this time, condescended to eat. Kept on our course; on the 27th the
+Easternmost Island bore S.E. by S., distant about four leagues: and
+nothing more remarkable happened till the 6th of June, when we spied a
+Sail, the _Hope_ being then about two miles ahead of us; and about seven
+in the Evening she took her in a very courageous manner. This was a
+Vessel of about 90 tons, bound from Panama to Guayaquil, called the _San
+Tomaso y San Demas_ (for these Spaniards can never have too much of a
+good thing in the way of Saints), Juan Navarro Navarret y Colza,
+Commander. About forty people on board, and eleven Negro Slaves, but
+little in the way of European goods save some Iron and Cloth. They had a
+passenger of note on board, one Don Pantaleone and Something as long as
+my Arm, who was going to be Governor of Baldivia, and said he had been
+taken not long since in the North Sea by Jamaica Cruisers. On the 7th
+June we made the Island of Gorgona; and, on the 8th, got to an anchor in
+30-fathom water. The next day sent out our Pinnace a'cruising, and took
+a prize called the _Golden Sun_, belonging to a Creek on the Main,--a
+twopenny-halfpenny little thing, 35 tons; ten Spaniards and Indians,
+and a Negro that was chained down to the deck to amuse the Ship Company
+with playing on the Guitar (a kind of Lute). However, we found a few
+ounces of Gold-dust aboard her, worth some sixty pounds sterling. After
+examining our Prisoners (who gave us much trouble, for we had no
+Linguist, and 'twas a Word and a Blow in questioning them: that is, the
+Blow came from us to get the Word from 'em; but not more than two or
+three Spaniards were Expended),--after this tedious work was over we
+held a Committee, and agreed to go to Malaga,[A] an Island which had a
+Road, and with our Boats tow up the River in quest of the rich
+Gold-mines of Barbacore, also called by the Spaniards San Juan. But
+heavy Rains coming on, we were obliged to beat back and come to Gorgona
+again, building a Tent ashore for our Armour and Sick Men. We spent
+till the 25th in Careening; on the 28th we got all aboard agen, rigged
+and stowed all ready for sea; the Spaniards who were our Prisoners, and
+who are very Dilatory Sailors (for they hearken more to their Saints
+than to the Boatswain's Pipe), were much amazed at our Despatch; telling
+us that they usually took Six Weeks or a Month to Careen one of their
+King's Ships at Lima, where they are well provided with all Necessaries,
+and account that Quick Expedition. We allowed Liberty of Conscience on
+board our floating Commonwealth to our Prisoners; for there being a
+Priest in each ship, they had the Great Cabin for their Mass, whilst we
+used the Church-of-England Service over them on the Quarter-deck. So
+that the Papists here were the Low Churchmen. Shortly after the
+beginning of July we freed our prisoners at fair Ransom in Gold-dust;
+but the Village where we landed them was so poor in common Necessaries,
+that we were obliged to give them some corned beef and biscuit for their
+subsistence until they could get up the Country, where there was a
+Town. Same day a Negro belonging to the _Delight_ was bit by a small
+brown speckled Snake, and died in a few hours.
+
+We had with us, too, a very good prize taken by the _Hope_, and
+continued unloading this and transferring the rich contents to our
+ships, having promised to restore the Hull itself to the Spaniards, on
+her being handsomely Ransomed; and the Don that was to be Governor of
+Baldivia was appointed Agent for us, and suffered to go freely on his
+Parole to and fro to arrange Money-Matters with the Authorities up the
+Country.
+
+_Memorandum,_--Amongst our Prisoners (taken on board the Panama ship)
+there was a Gentlewoman and her Family, the Eldest Daughter, a pretty
+young woman of Eighteen, newly Married, and had her husband with her. We
+assigned them the Great Cabin on board the Prize, and none were suffered
+to intrude amongst them; yet the Husband (we were told) showed evident
+Marks of a Violent Jealousy, which is the Spaniard's Epidemic Disease.
+I hope he had not the least Reason for it, seeing that the Prize-Master
+(our Second Lieutenant) was above Fifty years of Age, and of a very
+Grave Countenance, appearing to be the most secure Guardian to females
+that had the least Charm, though all our young Men (that were Officers)
+had hitherto appeared Modest beyond Example among privateers; yet we
+thought it improper to expose them to Temptation. And I am sure, when
+the Lieutenant, being superseded for somewhat Scorching of a Negro with
+a stick of fire for answering him Saucily, and Captain Blokes bade me
+take temporary command of the Prize and Prisoners, that I behaved myself
+so well as to gain Thanks and Public Acknowledgments for my civility to
+the Ladies. We had notice that more than one of these Fair Creatures had
+concealed Treasure about 'em; and so in the most Delicate Manner we
+ordered a Female Negro who spoke English to overhaul 'em privately, and
+at the same time to tell 'em that it would pain us to the Heart to be
+obliged to use Stripes or other Unhandsome Means to come to a Discovery.
+Many Gold Chains, Bracelets, Ouches, and suchlike Whim-Whams the Sable
+Nymph found cunningly stowed away; upon which we gave her half a pint of
+Wine and a large pot of Sweets, forgiving her at the same time a
+Whipping at the Capstan which had been promised her for Romping and
+Gammocking among the people in the Forecastle. For I suppose there was
+never a modester man than Captain Blokes.
+
+August 10th. All Money-Matters being arranged, we disposed of our
+Prisoners. We burnt down the Village for some Impertinence of the Head
+Man (who was a Half-caste Indian),--but no great harm done, since 'twas
+mostly Mud and Plantain thatch, and could be built up again in a
+Week,--and got to Windward very slowly, there being a constant current
+flowing to Leeward to the Bay of Panama. 13th we saw the Island of
+Gallo; the 18th we spied a Sail bearing W.N.W. of us, when we all three
+gave chase, and took her in half an hour. 70 tons. Panama to Lima. Forty
+people aboard, upon examining whom they could tell us little News from
+Europe, but said that there came Advices from Portobello in Spain, and
+by a French ship from France, not long before they came out of Panama;
+but that was all kept private; only, they heard that his Royal Highness
+the Duke of Cumberland was Dead, the which Sad Intelligence we were not
+willing to Believe, but drank his Health at Night, which we thought
+could do him no hurt even if he really happened to be Dead. By this time
+we had gotten another Surgeon out of the _Delight_, whom we daily
+exercised at his Instruments in the Cockpit, and his Mate at making of
+Bandages and spreading of Ointment; and Captain Blokes (who was always
+giving some fresh proof of Sagacity), just to try 'em, and imitate
+business for 'em a little, ordered Red Lead, mixed with Water, to be
+thrown on two of our Fellows, and sent 'em down to the Hold, when the
+Surgeon, thinking they had really been wounded, went about to Dress
+them; but the mistake being discovered, it was a very agreeable
+Diversion.
+
+After this we made sail to the Marias Islands (for I feel I must be
+brief in this abstract of my Log, and must compress into a few pages the
+events of many Months), and all November were cruising about Cape St.
+Lucas in quest of Prizes. Christmas we spent in a very dismal manner;
+for a Complaint, something akin to Mumps with Scurvy in the gums, and a
+touch of Lockjaw to boot, broke out among us, and eight men died. Then
+we engaged or took a very big Spaniard out of Manilla, 250 tons, and a
+very rich Cargo, mostly in Gold-dust and embroidered Stuffs. January
+10th, 1748-9, at anchor at Port Segura; and here, to our dismal dismay,
+we heard that Peace had been proclaimed between Spain and England, and
+that all our Privateering for the present was at an end. Then to
+Acapulco in Mexico, seeing if we could do some honest trading; but at
+all the Towns along the Coast they looked upon us as little better than
+Pirates. But we felt a little comforted at the thought that we had
+already taken some very rich Prizes, and my own part of the Plunder was
+now over 1500_l._ January 11th, we weighed from Port Segura, and ran
+towards the Island of Guam. Our Steward missing some pieces of Pork, we
+immediately searched and found the Thieves. One of them had been guilty
+before, and Forgiven on promise of Amendment; but was punished now, lest
+Forbearance should encourage the rest to follow his bad practice.
+Provisions being so short, and our run now so long, might, without great
+caution, have brought evil consequences upon us. They (the Thieves) were
+ordered to the Main-gear, and every man of the watch to give 'em a blow
+with the Cat-o'-nine-tails. On the 14th of February, in commemoration of
+the ancient English custom of choosing Valentines, a list was drawn up
+of all the Fair Ladies in Bristol in any way related or concerned in our
+Ships; and all the officers were sent for to the Cabin, where every one
+drew, and drank his Valentine's health in a cup of Punch, and to a happy
+sight of 'em all. This was done to put 'em in mind of Home.
+
+From Guam, a very poor place, and the Natives uncommonly nasty, we
+shaped our course to Ternate; and about the 2d of May saw land, which we
+took for some of the Islands lying about the N.E. part of Celebes, but
+were satisfied soon after that we were in the Straits of Guiana. 18th
+May passed several Islands, and the South point of Gillolo. This was the
+time of the S.E. Monsoon, which made Weather and Wind very uncertain.
+May 25th we fell in with a parcel of Islands to the Eastward of Bouton,
+an island where there is a kind of Indian King, very Savage and Warlike,
+and with a considerable flotilla of Galleys. We traded with him, and
+made good profit in the way of Barter; for these Savages will give gold
+and Goods for the veriest trumpery that was ever picked up at a Groat
+the handful at the hucksters' stalls in Barbican. From Bouton on the
+11th June, having well watered and provisioned, and taken a Native
+pilot on board, we sailed for Batavia, and on the 30th cast anchor in
+the Road there. We waited on his Excellency the Governor-General (for
+the States of Holland), and begged permission to refit our Ships, which
+was granted. Many strange Humours now to be seen aboard. Some of the
+crew hugging each other; others blessing themselves that they were come
+to such a glorious place for Punch, where they could have Arrack for
+Eightpence a Gallon; for now the Labour was worth more than the Liquor,
+whereas, a few weeks since, a Bowl of Punch was worth more to them than
+half the Voyage. Now we began to Careen, going over to Horn Island, and
+a Sampan ready to heave down by, and take in our Guns, Carriages, &c.
+Several of our men fell ill of Fevers, as they said, from drinking the
+Water of the Island; but as Captain Blokes opined, more from the effects
+of Arrack Punch at Eightpence a Gallon. All English ships are allowed by
+the Government here half a leaguer of Arrack a day for ship's use per
+man; but boats are not suffered to bring the least thing off shore
+without being first severely searched. As to the town of Batavia, it
+lies in a bay full of islands, which so break off the Sea, that though
+the Road is very large, yet it is safe. The Banks of the Canals through
+the City are paved with stones as far as the Boom, which is shut up
+every night at nine o'clock, and guarded by Soldiers. All the Streets
+are very well built and inhabited; fifteen of 'em have Canals just as in
+Amsterdam and Rotterdam, and from end to end they reckon fifty-six
+bridges. The vast number of Cocoa-nut trees in and about the City
+everywhere afford delightful and profitable Groves. There are Hospitals,
+Spin-houses, and so forth, as in Holland, where the idle and vicious are
+set to work, and, when need arises, receive smart Discipline. The
+Chinese have also a large Sick House, and manage their charity so well
+that you never see a Chinaman looking despicable in the street. The
+Dutch Women have greater privileges in India than in Holland, or,
+indeed, anywhere else; for on slight occasions they are often divorced
+from their Husbands, and share the Estate betwixt 'em. A Lawyer told me
+at Batavia he had known, out of fifty-eight causes, all depending in the
+Council Chamber, fifty-two of them were Divorces. The Governor's Palace
+of Brick, very stately and well laid. He lives in as great splendour as
+a king; he has a Train and Guards--viz. a Troop of Horse and a Company
+of Foot with Halberds, in liveries of yellow satin adorned with silver
+laces and fringe--to attend his Coach when he goes abroad. His Lady has
+also her Guards and Train. The Javanese, or Ancient Natives, are
+numerous, and said to be barbarous and proud, of a dark colour, with
+flat faces, thin short Black hair, large eyebrows and cheeks. The Men
+are strong-limbed, but the Women small. The Men have many Wives, and are
+much given to lying and stealing. They are all Pagans, and worship
+Devils. The Women tawny, sprightly, and Amorous, and very apt to give
+poison to their Husbands when they can do it cunningly. There are at
+least 10,000 Chinese who pay the Dutch a dollar a month for liberty to
+wear their Hair, which they are not allowed to do at home since the
+Tartars conquered 'em. There comes hither from China fourteen or sixteen
+Junks a year, being flat-bottomed vessels. The Merchants come with their
+goods, and marvellous queer folks they are. I don't think the whole City
+is as large as Bristol; but 'tis much more populous.
+
+October 12th. We, according to our Owners' orders to keep our Ships
+full-manned, whether the War continued or not--and, oh, how we cursed
+this plaguey Peace!--shipped here seventeen men that were Dutch. Though
+we looked upon our hardships as being now pretty well over, several Ran
+from us here that had come out of England with us, being straggling,
+lazy, good-for-nothings, that can't leave their old Trade of deserting,
+though now they had a good sum due to each of 'em for Wages. Their
+shares for Plunder of course were forfeited, and equitably divided among
+those that stuck by us. From this to the 23d we continued taking in
+wood and water for our Passage to the Cape of Good Hope; and just before
+we sailed held a Council on board the _Marquis_, by which 'twas agreed,
+that if any of our Consorts should happen to part company, the one that
+arrived first was to stay at the Cape twenty days; and, then, if they
+didn't find the other Ships, to make their utmost despatch to the Island
+of Helena; and if not there, to proceed, according to Owners' orders, to
+Great Britain.
+
+Nothing particular happened till the 27th December, when the _Marquis_
+proved very Leaky, and rare work we had at the Pumps, they being most of
+them choked up from long disuse. December 28th we came in sight of the
+Lion's Head and Rump, being two Hills over the Cape Town. Saluted the
+Dutch fortress with Nine Guns, and got but Three for thanks; it being
+surprising what airs these Pipe-smoking, Herring-curing, Cheese-making,
+Twenty-breeches Gentry give themselves. 29th, we moored Ship, and sent
+our Sick ashore. We stayed here until the end of February, when we went
+into Sardinia Bay to Careen; for a Survey of Carpenters had reported
+very badly concerning the Leak. 27th Feb. we had a good rummage for Bale
+Goods to dispose of ashore, having leave of the Governor, and provided a
+Store-house, where I and the Supercargo of the _Delight_ took it by
+turns weekly during the sale of 'em. 28th March came in a Portugee
+frigate, with news that Five stout French Ships had attempted Rio
+Janeiro, but were repulsed, and had a great number of men killed, with
+over 400 taken prisoners by the Portuguese.
+
+April 5th we hoisted a Blue Ensign, loosened our Fore Topsail, and fired
+a Gun as a Signal for our Consorts to unmoor, and so fell down to Robin
+and Penguin Islands.
+
+_Memorandum._--We buried four while at the Cape; eight ran away to be
+eaten up, as we heartily hoped, by the Hottentots, who have a great
+gusto for White Man's Flesh; but reject Negroes as too strong and
+Aromatic; to say little of the major number of our Ship's Companies
+getting Married to Black Wenches. But there's no Doctors' Commons at
+Cape Town; and the best Way of Divorce is by shoving off a boat from
+Shore, and leaving your Wife behind you. _Item._--The Dutch generally
+send a Ship every year to Madagascar for Slaves to supply their
+Plantations; for the said beastly Hottentots have their Liberty and Ease
+so much, that they cannot be brought to work, even though they should
+Starve (which they do pretty well all the year round) for the lack of
+it. Here, too, we spoke with an Englishman and an Irishman, that had
+been several years with the famous Madagascar Pirates, but were now
+pardoned, and allowed to settle here. They told us that these Miserable
+Wretches, who once made such a Noise in the World, dwindled away one by
+one, most of them very poor and despicable, even to the Natives, among
+whom they had Married. They added, that they had no Embarkations, only
+mere Canoes and Rowboats in Madagascar; so that these Pirates (so long a
+terrible Bugbear to peaceable Merchantmen) are now become so
+inconsiderable as to be scarcely worth mentioning; yet I do think that
+if care be not always taken after a Peace to clear all out-of-the-way
+Islands of these piratical Vermin, and hinder others from joining them,
+it may prove a Temptation for loose scampish Fellows to resort thither,
+and make every Creek in the Southern Seas a troublesome nest of
+Freebooters.
+
+The Cape having been so frequently described, I shall only add that the
+Character of the Hottentots, at which I have hinted, has been found to
+be too True, that they scarce deserve to be reckoned of the Human Kind:
+they are such a nasty, ill-looking, and worse-smelling people. Their
+Apparel is the Skins of Beasts; their chief Ornament is to be very
+Greasy and Black; so that they besmear themselves with an abominable
+Oil, mixed with Tallow and Soot; and the Women twist the Entrails of
+Beasts or Thongs of Hides round their legs, which resemble Rolls of
+Tobacco. Here's plenty, however, of all kinds of Flesh and Fowl;
+there's nothing wanting at the Cape of Good Hope for a good subsistence;
+nor is there any place more Commodious for a Retirement to such as would
+be out of the Noise of the World, than the adjacent country in the
+possession of the Dutch.
+
+Nothing of note happened till May 1st, only that sometimes we had
+Thunder, Lightning, Rain, and Squalls of Wind. On the 7th we made the
+Island of Ascension, S. Lat. 8.2. On the 14th at noon we found we had
+just crossed the Equator, being the eighth time we had done so in our
+course round the World. We had a Dutch Squadron with us, who expected
+Convoy Rates, and all manner of Civilities from us, though there was now
+Peace, and we wanted nothing from 'em; but 'tis always the way with this
+Grasping and Avaricious People. Soon too we observed that the Dutch
+ships began to scrape and clean their sides, painting and polishing and
+beeswaxing 'em inside and out, bending new sails, and the very Mariners
+putting on half a dozen pair of new breeches apiece. This it is their
+custom to do as they draw near home; so that they look as if newly come
+out of Holland.
+
+On the morning of the 15th July we made Fair Island and Foul Island,
+lying off Shetland; and sighted two or three Fishing Doggers cruising
+off the Islands. Having little wind, we lay by, and the Inhabitants came
+off with what Provisions they had; but they are very poor people, wild
+and savage, subsisting chiefly on Fish. When that provision fails, I
+have heard they live on Seaweed.
+
+We being, so to speak, in charge, although unwillingly, of the Dutch
+Squadron, which had been willy-nilly our Convoy, were compelled to put
+into a port of Holland instead of into a British one, as we had fondly
+hoped. On the 23rd July the Dutch Commodore made a signal for seeing
+Land, and the whole fleet answered him with all their colours. The
+Pilot-boat coming off, we took two aboard, and about noon parted with
+some of our Dutch Consorts that were Rotterdam and Middleburg ships. We
+gave 'em a Huzza and a half in derision, and our Trumpet and Hautboy
+were for striking up the Rogue's March; but this was forbidden by the
+Sagacious Captain Blokes. Some English ships now hove in sight, and
+saluted the Dutch Commodore; and afterwards we, though with an ill
+grace, saluted his Worship to welcome in sight of the land, which by
+right belongs to the Rats (though I have little doubt that for all the
+Vandykes and Vandams the long-whiskered Gentry will come to their own
+again some of these fine days). As soon as they got over the Bar the
+Dutchmen fired all their guns for joy at their safe arrival in their own
+country, which they very affectionately call Fatherland; and, indeed, it
+was not easy under these circumstances to be angry with the Poor Souls
+that had been so long at Sea, and wandering about Strange Lands. At 8 at
+night we came to an anchor in 6-fathom water, about 2 miles off shore.
+
+On the 24th, in the morning, the Dutch Flag-ship weighed, in order to go
+up to the unlivering place. In the afternoon Captain Blokes sent me
+ashore, and up to Amsterdam, with a letter for our Owners' Agents, to
+ask how we were to act and proceed from hence. Coming back with
+instructions from the Agent (one Mr. Vandepeereboom, who made me
+half-fuddled with Schiedam drinking to our prosperous return; but he was
+a very Civil Gentleman, speaking English to admiration, and had a
+monstrous pretty Housekeeper, with eyes as bright as her own Pots and
+Pans), by Consent of our Council we discharged such men as we had
+shipped at Batavia and the Cape, and sold the half-dozen Negroes we had
+from time to time picked up for about a Hundred Dollars apiece. But this
+last had to be managed by private Contract, and somewhat under the Rose;
+for their High Mightinesses, the States-General, allow no Slaves to be
+sold openly in Amsterdam.
+
+On the 10th we went up to the Vlieder, which is a better Road than the
+Texel, and then to Amsterdam again, where Captain Blokes and his chief
+officers had to make Affidavits before a Notary Public to the truth of
+an Abstract of our Voyage, the which I had drawn up from the Log of the
+_Marquis_, to justify our proceedings to our own Government in answer to
+what the East India Company had to allege against us; they being, as we
+were informed, resolved to trouble us on pretence that we had Encroached
+upon their Charter. On the 31st August comes Mr. Vandepeereboom on board
+to take Account of what Plate, Gold, and Pearl was in the Ship; and on
+the 5th September he took his leave of us.
+
+But not of me; for as I had been much with him ever since we had lain at
+Amsterdam, we had become great Chums, and he had persuaded me not to
+return just yet to England, but to remain with him in Holland, and
+become his partner in Mercantile Adventure, that should not necessitate
+my going to Sea again. And by this time, to tell truth, I was heartily
+sick of being Tossed and Tumbled about by the Waves. No man could say
+that I had not done my Duty during my momentous Voyage round the World.
+I had worked as hard as any Moose on board the _Marquis_, doing
+hand-work and head-work as well. I had been Wounded, had had two Fevers
+and one bout of Scurvy; but was seldom in such evil case as to shirk
+either my Duty or my Grog. I prudently redoubted the Chances of
+returning in haste to my native Country, for, although being alone in
+the world, and the marriage with Madam Taffetas not provable in Law,
+with no other Domestic Troubles to grieve me, I knew from long
+experience what Ducks and Drakes Seafaring men do make of their money
+coming home from a long voyage with their heads empty and their pockets
+full, and was determined that what I had painfully gathered from the
+uttermost Ends of the Earth should not be riotously and unprofitably
+squandered in the Taverns of Wapping and Rotherhithe. Mr. Vandepeereboom
+entering with me into the State of his Affairs, proved, as far as Ledger
+and Cash-book could prove any thing, that he was in a most prosperous
+way of business, in the Dutch East India trade, of which by this time I
+knew something; so that, although Captain Blokes was loth to part with
+his old Shipmate and Secretary, he was yet glad to see me better myself.
+And in truth Mr. Vandepeereboom's Housekeeper was marvellous pretty. I
+drew my Pay and Allowances, which amounted to but a small matter; but to
+my great Joy and Gladness I found that my share of the Plunder from our
+Prizes and the Ransom of Guayaquil came to Twenty Hundred Pounds. The
+order for this sum was duly transferred to me, and lodged to my Account
+in the Bank of Amsterdam, then the most famous Corporation of Cofferers
+(since that of Venice began to decline) in Europe. I bade farewell to
+Captain Blokes and all my Messmates; left Twenty Pounds to be divided
+among the Ship's Company (for which they manned Shrouds and gave me
+three Huzzas as the Shoreboat put off); and after a last roaring Carouse
+on board the _Marquis_, gave up for Ever my berth in the gallant Craft
+in which I had sailed round the World.
+
+
+FOOTNOTE:
+
+[A] There is a River in Macedon and a River in Monmouth, and more
+Malagas than one.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH.
+
+OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND.
+
+
+'TWAS no such very bad Title for a Mercantile Firm, "Vandepeereboom and
+Dangerous." Aha, Rogues! will you call me Pauper, Card-sharper,
+Led-Captain, Half-penny-Jack, now? Who but I was Mynheer Jan van
+Dangerous? (I took my Gentility out of my Trunk, as the Spanish Don did
+his Sword when the Sun shone and there were Pistoles galore, and added
+the Van as a prefix to which I was entitled by Lineage.) Who but I was a
+wealthy and prosperous Merchant of Amsterdam, the richest city in
+Holland? Soon was I well known and Capped to, as one that could order
+wine, and pay for it, at the sign of the Amsterdam Wappen, the great
+Inn here.
+
+Although 'tis now nigh thirty years since, I do preserve the pleasantest
+remembrance of my life in the Low Countries; for, albeit hating the
+Dutch when I was Poor, I grew to like 'em as a reputable Merchant
+Adventurer. 'Twas but a small matter prevented me from setting up my
+Coach, and was only hindered by the fact that the Police Laws of
+Amsterdam are very strict against Wheeled carriages, allowing only a
+certain and very small number, lest the rumbling of the Wheels should
+disturb the good thrifty Burghers at their Accompts. For most vehicles
+they have what they call a Sley, which is the body of a Coach fastened
+on to a Sledge with ropes, and drawn by one Horse. A Fellow walks by the
+side on't, and holds on with one hand to prevent its falling over, while
+with the other he manages the Reins. A most melancholy Machine this,
+moving at the rate of about Three miles an hour, and makes you think
+that you are in a Hospital Conveyance, or else going on a Hurdle to be
+Hanged, Drawn, and Quartered.
+
+This Amsterdam is the famous town built upon Wooden Piles, as is also
+Petersburg, and in some order Venice; and from its Timber supports, gave
+rise to the sportive saying of Erasmus when he first came hither, that
+he had reached a City where the Citizens lived, like Crows, upon the
+tops of Trees. And again he waggishly compared Amsterdam to a maimed
+Soldier, as having Wooden Legs. This Erasmus was, I conjecture, a kind
+of Schoolmaster, and very learned; but conceited, as are most Bookish
+Persons.
+
+A Dutchman will save any thing; and this rich place has all come out of
+saving the Mud, and starving the Fishes. Here Traffic is wooed as though
+she were a Woman, and Gold is put to bed with Time, and there is much
+joy over their Bantling, which is christened Interest. A strange,
+cleanly, money-grubbing Country of Botanic Gardens and Spitting-pans,
+universal Industry and Tobacco-pipes, Gingerbread and Sawing-mills,
+Tulip-roots and the Strong Waters of Schiedam, Cheese, Red Herrings, and
+the Protestant Religion. Peculiar to these People is the functionary
+called the Aansprecker, a kind of human Bird of Evil Omen, who goes
+about in a long Black Gown and a monstrous Cocked Hat with a Crape
+depending from it, to inform the Friends and Acquaintances of Genteel
+Persons of any one being Dead. This Aansprecker pays very handsome
+Compliments to the Departed, at so many Stuyvers the Ounce of Butter;
+and this saves the Dutch (who are very frugal towards their Dead) from
+telling lies upon their Tombstones. When a Man quits, they wind up his
+Accounts, strike a Balance, and go on to a fresh Folio in the Ledger
+without carrying any thing forward. At Marriage-time, also, is it the
+custom among Persons of Figure for the Bride and Bridegroom to send
+round Bottles of Wine, generally fine Hock, well spiced and sugared, and
+adorned with all sorts of Ribbons. They have also a singular mode of
+airing their Linen and Beds, by means of what they call a Trokenkorb,
+or Fire-basket, which is of the size and shape of a Magpie's Cage, and
+within it is a pan filled with burning Turf, and the Linen is spread
+over the Wicker-frame; or, to air the Bed, the whole Machine is placed
+between the Sheets. Nay, there are sundry Dowager Fraws who do warm
+their Legs with this same Trokenkorb, using it as though it were a
+footstool; and considering the quantity of Linsey Woolsey they wear, I
+wonder there are not more Fires. To guard against this last, there are
+Persons appointed whose office it is to remain all day and all night in
+the Steeples of the highest Churches; and as soon as they spy a Flame,
+they hang out a Flag if it's Day, or a Lantern if at Night, towards the
+quarter where the Fire is, blowing a Trumpet lustily meanwhile.
+
+Eating and Drinking here very good, save the Water, which is so Brackish
+that it is not drunk even by the Common People. There are
+Water-Merchants constantly occupied in supplying the City with
+drinkable Water, which they bring in Boats from Utrecht and Germany in
+large stone Bottles, that cost you about Eightpence a-piece English. The
+Poor, who cannot afford it, drink Rain-water, which gives rise to the
+merry saying, that a Dutchman's Mouth is for ever open, either to
+swallow down Smoke or to drink up Rain. And indeed they are a
+wide-gaping Generation.
+
+Being as yet a Bachelor, I agreed for my Lodging and Victuals with Mr.
+Vandepeereboom, who had a fair House, very stately, on one of the Canals
+behind the Heeren Gragt, or Lord's Street. 'Twould have had quite a
+princely appearance, but for a row of Elms in front, which, with their
+fan, almost concealed the Mansion. The noble look of the House, too, was
+somewhat spoilt by its being next door to a shop where they sold Drugs;
+which like all others of this trade in Holland, had for a sign a huge
+Carved Head, with the mouth wide open, in front of the window: sometimes
+it rudely resembles a Mercury's Head, and at other times has a Fool's
+Cap upon it. This clumsy sign is called _de Gaaper_,--the Gaper,--and I
+know not the origin of it. Some of the Shop-boards they call _Uithang
+Borden_, and have ridiculous Verses written upon them; and 'tis singular
+to mark how much of the Jackpudding these Dutchmen, who are keener than
+Jews in their Cash-matters, have in them.
+
+Mr. Vandepeereboom was high in the College of Magistrates, and I was
+ofttimes privileged to witness with him the administration of Justice
+and the infliction of its Dread Awards,--all here very Decent and
+Solemn. The Awful Sentence of Death is delivered in a room on the
+basement-floor of the Stadt House: the entrance through a massy
+folding-door covered with brass Emblems, such as Jove's Beams of
+Lightning, and Flaming Swords; above, between the Rails, are the old and
+new City Arms; and at the bottom are Death's Heads and Bones. The inside
+of the Hall, mighty handsome, in white Marble, and proper History pieces
+of the Judgment of Solomon, and Zeleucus the Locrian King tearing out
+one of his Eyes to save one of his Son's, and Junius Brutus putting his
+children to Death. On the fore part of the Judgment-seat a fine Marble
+Statue of Silence, gallantly, but quite falsely, represented by the
+figure of a Woman on the ground, her finger to her lips, and two
+Children by her, Weeping over a Death's Head. When the dire Doom of
+Death is about to be pronounced, the Criminal is brought into this Hall,
+guarded; and nothing is omitted in point of solemnity to impress on his
+mind (poor wretch!) and on those about him the awful consequences of
+violating the Laws of the Country; which is a much better mode, I think,
+of striking Terror into 'em than the French way, where the Magistrates
+settle the Sentence among themselves in private, and the _Greffier_
+comes all of a sudden into the unhappy Person's Cell to tell him that he
+is to be presently Executed; or even our Old Bailey fashion (though the
+Black Cap is frightful), where the Culprit is more or less sent to Hang
+like a Dog,--one down, another come up; and Jack Ketch Drunk all the
+while with burnt Brandy. 'Twas a thorough knowledge of Human Nature,
+too, that thought of placing this Dutch hall of Justice on the
+ground-floor, and its Brazen Door opening into a common Thoroughfare
+through the Stadt House. I never passed by this door without seeing
+numbers of the Lower Orders of people gazing wistfully through the Rails
+upon the emblematic objects within, apparently in Melancholy Meditation,
+and reflecting upon the Ignominious Effects of deviating from the Paths
+of Virtue.
+
+Out of the Burgomaster's parlour in the same building is a passage to
+the Execution Chamber, or Hall of the Last Prayers, where the Condemned
+take leave of their Clergy, and pass through a Window, the lower part of
+Wood, so that it opens level with the floor of the Scaffold, which is
+constructed on the outside, opposite the Waag or Weigh House.
+
+As associate of one of the Magistrates, I often visited the Dungeons
+beneath the Stadt House, which are hermetically Sealed unto all
+Strangers. As places of Confinement, nothing can be more secure; as
+places of punishment, nothing more Horrible. Here, by the faint light of
+a Rush Candle, you gaze only on Emaciated Figures, while out of the Dark
+Shadows issue faint but dismal Groans. Some are here condemned to linger
+for Life; yet have I known convicted Creatures in this Rat's hole as
+merry as French Dancing-Masters, whistling, trolling, and gambolling in
+the Dark; while in the next cell were a number of Women, who, like the
+general of their sex when in Durance, did nothing but Yell and tear
+their Clothes to Pieces. But 'tis true that all confined in these
+dreadful places had committed crimes of a very Malignant nature, and
+which heartily warranted their being thus cut off from Light and Air,
+and immured in Regions fit only to be Receptacles for the Dead. Under
+the Hall of Justice is likewise the Torture Chamber, where Miserable
+Creatures, at the bidding of their Barbarous Judges, undergo a variety
+of Torments; one of which is to fasten the Hands behind the Neck with a
+cord through pulleys secured to the vaulted Ceiling, so as to be jerked
+up and down. Weights of Fifty Pounds each are then suspended to the
+Feet, until anguish overpowers the senses, and a Confession of Guilt is
+heard to quiver on the lips. Public Punishments are inflicted only Four
+Times a Year, when a vast Scaffold is erected in the Space between the
+Stadt House and Waag House, as before mentioned. Those that are only to
+be Whipped endure that compliment with Merciless Severity, and are not
+permitted to Retire till those who are to Die have suffered, which is
+either by Decapitation or by the Rope. And this acts as a Warning as to
+what will happen to 'em next time. On this occasion the Chief
+Magistrates attend in their Robes. But though Strict, they are mighty
+Just in administering their Laws, and will not permit the least
+deviation or aggravation of the Sentence meted out. I did hear of one
+jocular Rogue, that was condemned, for the murder of half-a-dozen women
+and children, to have his Head severed from the Trunk at one stroke of
+the Sword. This Mynheer Merry-Andrew, previous to quitting the Prayer
+Chamber, lays a Wager with a Friend that the Executioner should not be
+able to perform his office according to the exact terms of the Sentence.
+So, the moment he knelt to receive the Fatal Stroke, he rolled his Head
+in every direction so violently and rapidly, that the Headsman could not
+hit him with any chance of severing his Neck at once; and after many
+fruitless aims, was obliged to renounce the Task. The Officers who were
+to see the Sentence executed were now in a Great Dilemma. In vain did
+they try by argument to persuade the Fellow to remain still, and have
+his Head quietly taken off. At last he was remanded back to Prison, and
+after an hour's deliberation the presiding Magistrate, upon his own
+Responsibility, ordered the Gallows to be brought out, and the Fellow to
+be straightway Hanged thereupon; which was done, to the contentment of
+the Populace, who were howling with Rage at the fear of being deprived
+of their Sport. But the strait-laced Dutch Judges and Lawyers all took
+alarm, and declared that the Fellow had been murdered; and nothing but
+the high rank and character of the Magistrate preserved him from
+grievous consequences.
+
+They observe, however, degrees in their Punishments, and are, even in
+extreme cases, averse from Bloodshed, and willing to try all ways with a
+criminal before Hanging or Beheading him. Thus have they their famous
+Rasphuys for the Confinement and Correction of those whose Crimes are
+not capital. Over the Gate are some insignificant painted wooden
+figures, representing Rogues sawing Log-wood, and Justice holding a Rod
+over them; and the like of these, with figures of scourging and
+branding, they stick up in their Public Walks and Gardens, to show what
+is Done to those who pluck the Flowers or carve Names upon the Trunks of
+the Trees, and it has a most wholesome effect in frightening Evil-doers.
+So in the Yard of the Rasphuys is a Whipping-post in Terrorem, with
+another little figure of Justice flagrant with Execution. Here the
+Rogues saw Campeachy-wood, which seems to be most toilsome work; and
+yet by practice they can saw Two Hundred Pounds' weight every week with
+ease, and also make many little Articles in Straw, Wood, Bone, and
+Copper, to sell to Visitors. They are all clad in White Woollen, which,
+when they are stained with the Red Sawdust, gives them a Hobgoblin kind
+of appearance. Here too, in a corner of the Yard, they show the Cell in
+which if the person who was confined in it did not incessantly Pump out
+the Water let into it, he must inevitably be Drowned; but this Engine,
+the Gaolers said, had not been used for many Years, and was only kept up
+as an object of Terror.
+
+In the east quarter of Amsterdam, Justice is administered in its mildest
+form; there being the Workhouse close to the Muider Gragt, a place
+which, I believe, has not its parallel in the whole World. 'Tis partly
+Correctional and partly Charitable; and when I saw it, there were Seven
+Hundred and Fifty Persons within the Walls, the yearly expense being
+about One Hundred Thousand Florins. In the rooms belonging to the
+Governors and Directresses some exquisite Paintings by Van Dyck,
+Rembrandt, and Jordaens; and, indeed, you can go scarcely any where in
+Holland, from a Pig-stye to a Palace, without finding Paintings. Here,
+in a vast room very cleanly kept, are an immense number of Women
+occupied in Sewing and Spinning. Among them I saw once a fine
+hearty-looking Irishwoman, who had been Confined here two whole Years,
+for being a little more fond of true Schiedam Gin than her lawful
+Spouse. In another vast Apartment, secured by many Iron Railings and
+Grated Windows, are the Female Convicts in the highest state of
+Discipline, and very industriously and silently engaged in making Lace,
+under the superintendence of a Governess. From the Walls of the Boom are
+suspended Instruments of Punishment, such as Scourges, Gags, and
+Manacles, the which are not spared upon the slightest appearance of
+Insubordination. Then there are Wards for the Men, Schoolrooms for a
+vast number of Children, and Dormitories, all in the highest state of
+Neatness. In another part of the Building, which only the Magistrates
+are permitted to visit, are usually detained ten or a dozen Young
+Ladies--some of very high Families--sent here by their Parents or
+Friends for undutiful Deportment, or some other Domestic Offence. They
+are compelled to wear a particular Dress as a mark of Degradation; are
+kept apart; forced to work a certain number of hours a day; and are
+occasionally Whipped. Here, too, upon complaints of Extravagance,
+Tipsiness, &c., duly proved, can Husbands send their Wives, to be
+confined and receive the Discipline of the House; _and hither, too, can
+Wives send their Husbands for the same Cause, for Two, Three, and Four
+Years together, till they show signs of amended Behaviour_. The Food is
+abundant, and good; but the Work is hard, and the Stripes are many.
+Might not such a course be tried with advantage in England, to abate and
+cure the frivolities and extravagances of Fashionable People?
+
+So then, as an Honourable Merchant in a city and country where Commerce
+is reckoned among the noblest of Pursuits, I might, but for my Perverse
+Fate, have grown Rich, and taken unto myself a Dutch Wife, and had a
+Brood of little Broad-beamed Children, that should smoke their Tobacco
+and quaff their Schiedam, even from their Cradle upwards. Indeed, Madam
+Vanderkipperhaerin of Gouda (the place where the Cows feed in the
+Meadows clad in Blue-striped Jackets and Petticoats) was pleased to look
+upon me with Eyes of Favour, and often said it was a Sin and Shame that
+such a Proper Man as I (as she was good enough to say) was not Married
+and Settled. And, indeed, why not? I ofttimes asked myself. I had
+Florins, Guilders, and Stuyvers in abundance; my Partner was a
+Magistrate, and well reputed worthy: why should I not give Hostages to
+Fortune, and have done for good and all with the Life of a Roving
+Bachelor? By this time (although by no means forgetting my own dear
+native Tongue) I spoke French with Ease and Fluency, if not with
+Grammatical correctness; and had likewise an indifferently copious
+acquaintance with the Hollands Dialect. Why should not I be a
+Magistrate, a Burgomaster? Madam Vanderkipperhaerin was Rich, and had a
+beautiful Summer Villa all glistening with Bee's-waxed Campeachy-wood
+and Polished Brass on the River Amstel, some three miles from the City.
+She had a whole Cabinet full of Ostades and Jan Steens in ebony frames,
+and a Side-board of Antique Plate that might have made Cranbourn Alley
+jealous. Why did not I avail myself of the many Propitious Moments that
+offered, and demand the Hand of that most respectable Dutch Dame.
+
+The Melancholy Truth is, that she chose to be jealous of Betje, Mr.
+Vandepeereboom's comely Housekeeper, upon whom I declare that I had
+never cast any thing but innocently Paternal Glances, and utterly deny
+that I ever foregathered with that young Fraw. She was for moving Mr.
+Vandepeereboom to have Betje sent to the Workhouse, there to be set to
+Spinning, and to receive the usual unhandsome Treatment; and when he
+refused,--having, in truth, no fault to find with the Poor
+Girl,--Madam, in a Huff, withdrew her Countenance and Favour from me,
+and, with sundry of her spiteful gossips, revived the old Story of my
+having several Wives alive in different parts of Europe and the New
+World. Surely there was never yet a man so exposed to calumny as poor
+John Dangerous!
+
+Then, to make matters worse, there came that sad Affair of the Beguine.
+Flesh and blood! a mortal man (I suppose) is not to be reckoned among
+the vilest of Humanity because he falls in Love. How could I help
+Wilhelmina van Praag being a Beguine? Moreover, a Beguine is not a Nun.
+The Beguines belong to a modified kind of Monastic Order. They reside in
+a large House with a wall and ditch around it, and that has a Church and
+Hospital inside, and is for all the world like a little Town. But the
+Sisterhood is perfectly secular; they mingle with the inhabitants of the
+city, quit the Convent when they choose, and even marry when they are so
+minded; but they are obliged, so long as they belong to the Order, to
+attend Prayers a certain number of times a day, and to be within the
+Convent-walls at a stated hour every evening. To be admitted to this
+Order, they must be either unmarried or widows without children; and the
+only certificate required of them is that of Good Behaviour, and that
+they have a Competence to live upon. You may ask, if this almost entire
+Liberty be granted them, what there was to hinder Mynheer Jan van
+Dangerous and the Fair Beguine Wilhelmina van Praag from coming together
+as Man and Wife? Wilhelmina was the comeliest Creature (save one) that I
+have ever seen; and, but that she was a little Stout, would have passed
+as the living model for the St. Catherine which Signor Raphael the
+Painter did so well in Oils. I don't think I loved her; but she took my
+Fancy immensely, and meeting her in the houses of divers Honourable
+Families in Amsterdam, 'tis not to be concealed that I courted her with
+much assiduity. This, by some mischief-making Persons, was held to be
+highly compromising to the Fair Beguine. For all that I had become a
+Grave Merchant, there was yet somewhat of the Gentleman of the Sword and
+Adventurer on the High Seas about me; and a great hulking Cousin of the
+young Fraw, that was a Lieutenant in their High Mightinesses Land
+Forces,--the Amphibious Grenadiers I call 'em, and more used to
+Salt-water than Salt-petre,--must needs challenge me to the Duello. The
+laws against private warfare being very strict in Holland, we were
+obliged to make a journey into Austrian Flanders, to Arrange our
+Difficulty; and meeting on the borders of the Duchy of Luxembourg,
+I--Well, is Jack Dangerous to be blamed for that he was, in the prime of
+Life, an approved Master of Fence?
+
+The Lieutenant being dead of his Wounds (received in perfectly fair
+fight), the whole City of Amsterdam must needs cry out that I had
+murdered the Man; and the Families who had once been eager to receive me
+turned their backs upon me. Then the Fair Beguine must go into a craze;
+and, upon my word, when I heard how Mad she was, and how they had been
+obliged to shut her up in the Hospital, I could not help thinking of the
+History of my Grandmother, and did mistrust meeting the young Fraw van
+Praag again (for she was very Sweet, I believe, with the Spark that
+forced me to fight with him), for fear that she should Pistol me. But
+she did not; and Recovered, to marry a very Wealthy Shipmaster named
+Druyckx.
+
+While this Ugly Business was the talk of all tongues (but Mr.
+Vandepeereboom clapped me on the Shoulder, and bade me take my Diversion
+while he minded Business, for that all would Blow Over soon), I took an
+Excursion ('twas in the third year of my Residence here) into North
+Holland, to visit the famous village of Brock. Here the streets are
+divided by little Rivulets, for all the world like Lilliputian Canals;
+the Houses and Summer-houses all of Wood, painted Green and White, very
+handsome, albeit whimsical in their shape, and scrupulously neat. The
+Inhabitants have a peculiar association among themselves, and scarcely
+ever admit a Stranger within their Doors. During my stay I only saw the
+Faces of two of 'em, and then only by a stealthy Peep. They are said to
+be very rich, and in some of their Kitchens to have Pots and Pans of
+solid Gold. The Shutters of the Windows always kept closed, and the
+Householders go to and fro by a Back Door, the Principal Entrance being
+opened only at Marriages and Deaths. The Street Pavement all set out
+with Pebbles and Cockleshells, and no Dogs or Cats were seen to trespass
+upon it; and formerly there was a law to oblige all Passengers to take
+off their Shoes. Here it was that a Man was once Convened and
+Reprimanded for Sneezing in the Streets; and, latterly, a Parson, I
+heard, upon being appointed to fill the Church on the Demise of an old
+Predecessor, gave great offence to his Flock for not taking off his
+Shoes when he ascended the Pulpit. The Gardens of this strange Village
+produce Deer, Dogs, Peacocks, Chairs, and Ladders, all cut out in Box. I
+never saw such a Museum of vegetable Statuary in my Life before. On the
+whole, Brock resembles a trim, sprightly Ball-room, all garnished,
+lighted up, and the floor well chalked, but not a Soul to Scrape Fiddle
+or Foot Minuet. Farther from here is Saardam, which, at a distance,
+looks like a City of Windmills.
+
+_Item._--I forgot to say, that at Brock they tie up the Cows' Tails with
+Blue Ribbons.
+
+The Houses of Saardam are principally built of Wood, and every one has a
+Fantastic kind of Baby Garden. Here is the Wooden Hut where Peter the
+Great lived, when he wrought as a Shipwright in the Navy-yard. It stands
+in a Garden, and is in Decent Preservation. The women in North Holland
+are said to be handsomer than in any other part of the country; but I
+was out of taste with Beauty when I came hither, and could see naught
+but ugly Faces.
+
+So, coming back to Amsterdam, I found that Mr. Vandepeereboom's
+Prediction was fulfilled with a Vengeance, and with Compound Interest.
+The Business of the Beguine had Blown Over; but another affair had
+Blown On, and this very speedily ended in a Blow Up. I am sorry to say
+that this Fairspoken and seemingly Reputable Mr. Vandepeereboom turned
+out to be a very Great Rogue. Our Firm was in the Batavian trade,
+dealing in fine Spices, Nutmegs, Cloves, Mace, Cinnamon, and so forth;
+also in Rice, Cotton, and Pepper; and especially in the Java Coffee,
+which is held to be second only to that of Arabia. In this branch of
+Trade the Dutch have no competition, and they are able to keep the price
+of their Spices as high as they choose, by ordering what remains unsold
+at the price they have fixed upon it to be Burnt. How it came to pass
+that the Spice Ships consigned to us were all wrecked on the High Seas
+and never insured; that the Batavian Merchants, to whom we advanced
+money on their Consignments, all failed dismally; that every Speculation
+we entered into went against us, and that we always burnt our Surplus
+Goods just as prices were about to rise,--I know not; but certain it is,
+that I had not been three weeks back in Amsterdam before the House of
+Vandepeereboom and Dangerous went Bankrupt. Now 'tis an ugly thing to be
+Bankrupt in Holland. The people are so thrifty and persevering, and so
+jealous of keeping their Engagements, that the very rarity of Insolvency
+makes it Scandalous. A Trading Debtor being a character very seldom to
+be met with, he is held in more Odium in Holland than in any other part
+of Europe. Yet are their Laws of Arrest milder than with us in England,
+where for a matter of Forty Shillings an Honest Man becomes the prey of
+a Catchpole, and for years after he has paid the Debt itself, with
+exorbitant Costs to some Knavish Limb of the Law, may still continue to
+Rot in Gaol for the Keeper's Fees or Garnish. Here, if the Debtor be a
+Citizen or Registered Burgher (as I was), he is not subject to have his
+Person seized at the suit of his Creditors, until three regular
+Summonses have been duly served upon him to appear in the Court, which
+Processes are completed in about a month; after which, if he does not
+obey it, he may be laid hold of, but only when he has quitted his House;
+for in Holland a Man's Dwelling is held even more sacred than in
+England, and no Writ or Execution whatever is capable of being served
+upon him so long as he keeps close, or even if he stands on the
+threshold of his Home. In this Sanctuary he may set at Defiance every
+Claimant; but if he have the Hardihood to appear Abroad, the Sergeants
+collar him forthwith. But even in this case he goes not to a common Gaol
+or Prison for Felons, but to a House of Restriction, where he is
+properly entreated, and maintained with Liberal Humanity; the Expense of
+which, as well as the Proceedings, must all be defrayed by the
+Creditors. This regards only the private Gentleman Debtor; but woe
+betide the Fraudulent Trader! The Bankrupt Laws of Holland differ from
+ours in this respect, that all the Creditors must sign the Debtor's
+Certificate, or Agreement of Liberation. If any decline, the Ground of
+their Refusal is submitted to Arbitrators, who decide as to the merits
+of the case; and if the Broken Merchant be found to be a Cheat, no
+Mercy is shown him. The Rasphuys, the Pillory, nay, even the Dungeons
+beneath the Stadt House, may be his Doom.
+
+This, Mr. Vandepeereboom (being a born Dutchman) knew very well; and he
+waited neither for Deliberations as to his Certificate, nor for
+Arbitrators' award. He e'en showed his Creditors a clean Pair of Heels,
+and took Shipping for Harwich in England. I believe he afterwards
+prospered exceedingly in London as a Crimp, or Purveyor of Men for the
+Sea-Service, and submitted to the East India Company many notable plans
+for injuring the Commerce of the Hollanders. I have likewise reason to
+think that he did me a great deal of harm amongst my late Owners at
+Bristol and elsewhere, saying that I had been the Ruin of him with
+Wasteful Extravagance and Deboshed Ways, and that but for his
+Intercession I should have been Broken on the Wheel for unhandsome
+Behaviour to the Fair Beguine. Ere he flitted, he left me a Letter, in
+which he had the Impudence to tell me that he had long since drawn out
+my Account from the Bank of Amsterdam, thinking himself much better able
+to take care of the Money than I was. Furthermore he contemptuously
+advised me to try some other line than Commerce, for which I was,
+through my Former Career--or Vagabond Habits, as he had the face to call
+it--in no wise Fitted. Finally, he ironically wished me a Good
+Deliverance from the hands of the Assessors of the Commercial Tribunal,
+and, with a Devilish Sneer, recommended his Housekeeper Betje to my
+care. O Mr. Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom! if ever we meet again,
+old as I am, there shall be Weeping in Holland for you--if, indeed,
+there be anybody left to shed tears for such a Worthless Rascal.
+
+This most Dishonest Person, however, did me unwittingly a trifle of
+good, and at all events saved me from Gyves and Stripes. That Passage of
+his in the Letter about my Funds in the Bank of Amsterdam was my
+Deliverance. 'Twas widely known that I was but a simple Seafaring Man,
+unused to Mercantile Affairs, and that I had really brought with me the
+considerable Sum of Twenty Hundred Pounds. I was arrested, it is true,
+and lay for many Months in the House of Restriction; but interest was
+made for me, and the Creditors of the Broken House agreed to sign a
+Certificate of Liberation. I believe that but for that mournful business
+of the Beguine, and for that confounded Officer that I sworded, some of
+the Wealthy Merchants would have subscribed to an Association for
+setting me up again; but that Rencounter was remembered to my hurt, and,
+says Mynheer van Bommel, when he brought me my Certificate, "Hark ye,
+Friend Englander; you are Free this time. Take my advice, and get you
+out of Holland as quick as ever you can; for their High Mightinesses, to
+say nothing of the Worshipful Burgomasters of this City, have a
+misliking for Men that are too quick with the Sword and too slow with
+the Pen; and if you don't speedily mend your way of Life, and bid
+farewell to this Country, you will find yourself sawing of
+Campeachy-wood at the Rasphuys, with Dirk Juill, the Beadle, standing
+over you with a Thong." Upon which I thanked him heartily; and he had
+the Generosity to lend me Fifty Florins to furnish my present needs.
+
+I was no longer a Young Man. I was now long past my fortieth year, again
+almost a Pauper, Friendless and Unknown in the World; yet did I feel
+Undaunted, and confident that Better Days were in store for me. Pouching
+my Fifty Florins, I first followed the Burgomaster's advice by getting
+out of Holland as quick as ever I could, and betook myself by
+Treyckshuyt and Stage Wagon to the city of Bruxelles in Brabant. Here I
+abode for some months in the house of a clean Widow-woman that was a
+Walloon, who, finding that I was English, and, besides, a very tolerable
+French Scholar, procured me several Pupils among the Tradesfolk in the
+neighbourhood of the Petit Sablon (hard by the Archduchess Governante's
+Palace), where I dwelt on a Sixth Floor. By degrees I did so increase my
+number of Pupils, that I was able to open a School of some thirty Lads
+and Lasses. To both indifferently I taught the Languages, with Writing
+and Accompts; while for the instruction of the latter in Needlework and
+other Feminine Accomplishments I engaged my Landlady's Daughter, a
+comely Maiden, albeit Red-haired, and very much pitted with the
+Small-pox. Figure to yourself Captain Jack Dangerous turned Dominie! I
+am venturesome enough to believe that I was a very passable Pedagogue;
+and of this I am certain, that I was entirely beloved by my Scholars.
+The sufferings I had undergone while a Captive in the hands of that
+Barbarous Wretch, Gnawbit, had never been effaced from my Memory, and
+had made me infinitely tender towards little Children. Indeed I could
+scarcely bear to use the Ferula to them, or nip 'em with a Fescue, much
+less to untruss and Scourge 'em, as 'tis the brutal fashion of Pedants
+to do; nor do I think, though I disobeyed Solomon's maxim, and Spared
+the Rod, that I did much towards Spoiling any Child that was under my
+care. I made Learning easy and pleasant to my Youngsters, by telling
+them all sorts of moving and marvellous Stories, drawn from what Books
+of History I had handy (and these I admit I coloured a little, to suit
+the Imaginations of the Young), and others concerning my own remarkable
+Adventures, in which, however extraordinary they seemed, I always took
+care to adhere strictly to the Truth, only suppressing that which it was
+not proper for Youth and Innocence to be made acquainted with.
+
+But Schoolkeeping is a tiresome trade. One cannot be at it day and night
+too; and a Man must have some place to Divert himself in, when the toils
+of the day are over. I found out a Coffee-House in the Rue de Merinos,
+or Spaan Scheep Straet, as the Flemings call it, in strange likeness to
+our tongue, and there, over my Tobacco, made some strange Acquaintance.
+There was one De Suaso, an Empiric, that had writ against the English
+College of Physicians, and was like to have made a Fortune by his famous
+Nostrum for the Gout, _the Sudorific Expulsive Mixture_; but that
+Scheme had fallen through, it having been discovered that the Mixture
+was naught but Quicksilver and Suet, which made the Patients perspire
+indeed, but turned 'em all, to the very Silver in their Pockets, as
+Black as Small-Coal Men. Now, he had become a kind of Pedlar, selling
+Handkerchiefs made at Amsterdam, in imitation of those of Naples, with
+Women's Gloves, Fans, Essences, and Pomatums--and in fact all the
+Whim-Whams that are known in the Italian trade as _Galanterie le più
+curiose di Venezia e di Milano_. But his prime trade was in Selling of
+Snuff, for the choicer sorts of which there was at that time a perfect
+Rage among the Quality, both of the Continent and of England. This De
+Suaso used to Laugh, and say that the best venture he had ever made was
+from a Parcel of Snuff so bad and rotten, that he was about to send it
+back to the Hamburg Merchant who had sold it him, when one day, plying
+at the chief Coffee-House, as was his wont, my Lord Hautgoustham, an
+English Nobleman, desired him to fill his box with the choicest Snuff
+he had. Thinking my Lord really a Judge, he gives him some undeniable
+_Bouquet Dauphine_; but the Peer would have none of it. Then he tries
+him with one Mixture after another, but always unsuccessfully; until at
+last he bethinks him of the Musty Parcel he has at home, and
+accordingly, having fetched some of that, returns to the Coffee-House,
+and says that he has indeed a Snuff of extraordinary Smell and Taste,
+but that 'tis extravagantly dear. Lord Hautgoustham tries it, and calls
+out in an ecstasy that 'tis the most beautiful Snuff he ever put to his
+Nose. He bought a Pound of it, for which De Suaso charged him at the
+moderate rate of Four Guineas; and desires to know his Lodging, that he
+may send his Friends to buy some of this Incomparable Mixture. The
+Artful Rogue then affects the Coy, says that his Stock of the Snuff is
+very low, and by degrees raises his price to Eleven Pistoles a Pound,
+until the English in Brussels have been half-poisoned with his filthy
+Remnant; when there comes upon the scene a certain Mr. Dubiggin, a rich
+old English Merchant of the Caraccas, who knew all kinds of Snuff as
+well as a Yorkshire Tyke knows Horses; and he, telling the Nobleman and
+his Friends how they have been duped, my Lord Hautgoustham, who was of a
+hot temper, makes no more ado, but kicks this unhappy De Suaso half way
+down the Montagne de la Cour.
+
+Here, too, I made an Acquaintance who was afterwards the means of
+working me much Mischief. This was one Ferdinando Carolyi, that said he
+was a Styrian, but spoke most Tongues, and was a thoroughly accomplished
+Rascal. He had been a painter of Flower-pieces, and from what I could
+learn had also made the Mill to go in the way of coining False Money;
+but at the time I knew him was all for the occult Science called the
+Cabala. He showed me a whole chestful of Writings at his Lodgings--which
+were very mean--and declared that he had invented a perfect and
+particular System, which he called the Astronomical Terrestrial Cabala.
+He had run through the whole Pentateuch, and had reduced to the Signs
+of the Zodiac the words of such Scripture Verses as answered to the
+same; one to Aries, the second to Taurus, the third to Gemini, and the
+like. In short, there appeared a kind of Harmony in 'em, particularly
+when the Terrestrial Cabala (which was of the Dryest) was moistened with
+a flask or two of good old Rhenish. The whole of this contrivance was to
+tend towards the Discovery of the Philosopher's Stone. He pretended by
+these Astronomical Figures to have penetrated into the most essential
+Arcana of Nature, and all the necessary operations for attaining the
+_Elixir Philosophorum_, or some such word. But this Carolyi had such a
+winning Way with him, that he would well-nigh have talked a Donkey's
+Hind-leg off. He began to tell me about Peter of Lombardy and the great
+adept Zacharias, and of the blessed Terra Foliata, or Land of Leaves,
+where Gold is sown to be radically Dissolved in order to its
+Putrefaction and Regermination in a Fixation which has Power over its
+Brethren the Imperfect Metals, and makes them like unto itself; and
+this process (which I believe to have been only a story about a Cock and
+a Bull) he called Re-incrudation. In fact my Gentleman almost talked me
+out of my Senses: and as I thought him a monstrous clever Man, I lent
+him (although my Purse was as lean as might be) half-a-score of Austrian
+Ducats, to carry out his experiments in the Universal Menstruum. Alas! I
+never saw my Ducats nor my Alchemist again. A week after I had lent him
+the money, he fled on a suspicion of Base Coin; and I had hard work to
+persuade the Officers of Justice that I had not a hand in his
+Malpractices. As it was, nearly all my Scholars fell away from my
+School; and the Impudent Flemings sneered at me as _Mozzoo Kabala_,--in
+their barbarous Lingo,--and I was pointed out in the streets as a
+Wizard, a Fortune-teller, a Cunning Man, and what not. So that I was
+fain, after about ten years' sojourn at Bruxelles, to call in my Dues,
+gather my few Effects together, and bidding farewell to Flanders,
+proceed to Paris. It was time; for the Priests were up in arms against
+me as a Heretic Outlaw, dealing in Magic. The Black Gentry are
+hereabouts very Bigoted; and although they have no Inquisition, would, I
+doubt not, have led me a sorry Life, but for my Discretion in timely
+Flitting.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH.
+
+OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS, WHICH WAS NEARLY MY
+UNDOING.
+
+
+THE Manner of its Coming About was this. I arrived in Paris very Poor
+and Miserable, and was for some days (when that which I brought with me
+was spent) almost destitute of Bread. At last, hearing that some Odd
+Hands were wanted at the Opera-House to caper about in a new Ballet upon
+the Story of Orpheus, the Master of the Tavern where I Lodged, who had
+been a Property-Master at the Theatres, and entertained many of the
+Playing Gentry, made interest for me, as much to keep me from Starving
+as to put me in the way of earning enough money to pay my Score to him.
+For I have found that there never was in this world a man so Poor but
+he could manage to run into Debt. In virtue of his Influence, I, who had
+never so much as stood up in a polite Minuet in my life, and knew no
+more of Dancing than sufficed to foot it on a Shuffleboard at a Tavern
+to the tune of Green Sleeves, was engaged at the wages of one Livre ten
+Sols a night to be a Mime in the same Ballet. But 'twas little
+proficiency in Dancing they wanted from me. One need not have been bound
+'prentice to a Hackney Caper-Merchant to play one of the Furies that
+hold back Eurydice, and vomit Flames through a Great Mask. They gave me
+a Monstrous Dress, akin to the _San Benitos_ which are worn by the poor
+wretches who are burnt by the Inquisition; and my flame-burning was done
+by an Ingenious Mechanical Contrivance, that had a most delectable
+effect, albeit the Fumes of the Sulphur half-choked me. And they did not
+ask for any Characters for their Furies. I tumbled and vomited Flames
+for at least thirty nights, when one evening, standing at the
+Side-Scenes waiting for my turn to come on, it chanced that the light
+gauzy Coats of a pretty little Dancing-girl, that was playing a Dryad in
+the Wood where Orpheus charms the Beast, caught Fire. I think 'twas the
+Candle fell out of the Moon-box, and so on to her Drapery; but, at all
+events, she was Alight, and ran about the Scene, screaming piteously.
+The poor little cowardly wretches her Companions all ran away in sheer
+terror; and as for the two Musqueteers of the Guard who stood sentry at
+each side of the Proscenium, one dastard Losel fell on his Marrow-bones
+and began bawling for his Saints, whilst the other, a more active
+Craven, drops his musket and bayonet with a clang, and clambers into the
+Orchestra, hitting out right and left among the Fiddlers, and very
+nearly tumbling into the Big Drum. All this took much less time to pass
+than I have taken to relate; but as quick as thought I rushed on to the
+stage, seized hold of the little Dancing-girl, tripped her up, and
+rolling her over and over on the Boards, I encompassed her till the
+flames were Extinguished. Luckily there was no Harm done. She was
+Bruised all over, and one of her pretty little Elbows was scratched; but
+that was all. One of the Gentlemen of the King's Chamber came round from
+his Box; and the Sardinian Ambassador sends round at once a Purse of
+Fifty Pistoles, and an offer for her to become his Madam; "For I should
+like one," his Excellency said, "that had been half-roasted. All these
+Frenchwomen look as though they had been boiled." When the Little Girl
+was brought to her Dressing-room, and had somewhat recovered from her
+Fright, she began to thank me, her Preserver, as she called me, with
+great Fervour and Vehemence; yet did I fancy that, although her words
+were excellently well chosen, she spoke with somewhat of an English
+Accent. And indeed she proved to be English. She was the Daughter of one
+Mr. Lovell, an English Gentleman of very fair extraction, who had been
+unfortunately mixed up in the troubles of the Forty-five; and having
+been rather a dangerous Plotter, and so excepted from the Act of
+Oblivion, had been fain to reside in Paris ever since, picking up a
+Crust as he could by translating, teaching of the Theorbo and
+Harpsichord, and suchlike sorry Shifts. But he was very well connected,
+and had powerful friends among the French Quality. He was now a very old
+man, but of a most Genteel Presence and Majestic Carriage. The Little
+Girl's name--she was now about Eighteen years old--was Lilias, and she
+was the only one. As she had a marvellous turn for Dancing, old Mr.
+Lovell had (in the stress of his Affairs) allowed her to be hired at the
+Opera House, where she received no less than a Hundred Ecus a month; but
+he knew too well what mettle Gentlemen of the King's Chamber and
+Musqueteers of the Guard were made of; and every night after the
+Performance he came down to the Theatre to fetch her--his Hat fiercely
+cocked, and his long Sword under his arm. So that none dared follow or
+molest her. And I question even, if he had heard of the Ambassador's
+offer, whether the old Gentleman would not have demanded Satisfaction
+from his Excellency for that slight.
+
+When I discovered that this dear little Creature, who was as fair as her
+name and as good as gold, was my Countrywoman, I made bold to tell her
+that I was English too; whereupon she Laughed, and in her sweet manner
+expressed her wonder that I had come to be playing a Fury at the French
+Opera House. I chose to keep my Belongings private for the nonce; so the
+old Gentleman, treating me as an honest fellow of Low Degree, presented
+me with ten Livres, which I accepted, nothing loth, and the Theatre
+People even made a purse for me amounting to Fifty more. So that I got
+as rich as a Jew, and was much in favour with my Landlord. But, better
+than all, the Little Girl, as I was her Preserver, insisted that I
+should be her Protector too; and old Mr. Lovell being laid up very bad
+with the rheumatism, I was often privileged to attend her home after the
+Theatre, walking respectfully a couple of paces behind her, and grasping
+a stout Cudgel. Father and Daughter lived in the Impasse Mauvaise
+Langue, Rue des Moineaux, behind St. Rogue's Church; and often when I
+had got my precious charge home, she would press me to stop to supper,
+the which I took very humbly at a side table, and listened to the
+stories of old Mr. Lovell (who was very garrulous) about the Forty-five.
+"Bless his old heart," thought I; "I could tell him something about the
+Forty-five that would astonish him."
+
+'Twas one night after leaving the Impasse Mauvaise Langue that, feeling
+both cold and dry, I turned into a Tavern that was open late, for a
+measure of Hot Spiced Wine, as a Night-cap. There was no one there,
+beyond the People of the House, save a man in a Drugget coat, a green
+velveteen Waistcoat, red plush Nethers, and a flapped Hat, all very Worn
+and Greasy. He was about my own age, and wore his own Hair; but the most
+remarkable thing about him was his Face. I never saw such a Red Face.
+'Twas a hundred times more fiery than that of Bardolph in the Play.
+'Twas more glowing than a Salamander's. 'Twas redder than Sir Robert
+Walpole's (the great Whig Minister who, in my youth, was called by the
+Common "Brandy-faced Bob!"). This man's Face was most terribly puffed
+and swollen, and the veins all injected with purplish Blood. The tips of
+his Ears were like two pendant Carbuncles. His little bloodshot Eyes
+seemed starting from their Sockets, while the Cheeks beneath puffed out
+like Pillows for his Orbits to rest upon. Not less worthy of remark was
+it that this Red-faced Man's Lips were of a tawny White. He was for ever
+scrabbling with his hands among his tufted Locks, and pressing them to
+his Temples, as though his Head pained him--which there was reason to
+believe it did.
+
+This strange Person was, when I entered the Wine-shop, in hot Dispute
+with the Master about some trifling Liquor Score. He would not Pay, he
+said; no, not he. He had been basely Robbed and Swindled. He had plenty
+of Money, but he would not disburse a Red Liard. He showed, indeed, a
+Leathern Purse with two or three Gold Pieces in it, and smaller Money;
+but declared that he would Die sooner than disburse. And as he said
+this, he drew out of his pocket a long Clasp-Knife, two-bladed; and
+opening it, brandished it about, and said they had better let him go, or
+Worse would come of it.
+
+The Master of the Tavern and his Wife, decent bodies both, were wofully
+frightened at the behaviour of this Desperado; but I was not to be
+frightened by such Racketing. I bade him put up his Toothpick, giving
+him at the same time a Back-Hander, which drove him into a Corner, where
+he crouched, snarling like a Wild-beast, but offering to do me no hurt.
+Then I asked what the To-do was about, and was told that he stood
+indebted but for Eight Sols, for Half a Litre of Wine, and that they
+could not account for his Fury. The Man was evidently not in Liquor,
+which was strange.
+
+These good people were so flustered at the Man's uncommon Demeanour,
+that, seeing I was Strong and Valiant, they begged me to take him away.
+This I did, first discharging his Reckoning; for as he had Money about
+him, I doubted not but that he would recoup me. I got him into the
+Street (which was close to the Market of the Innocents, and I lived in
+the Street of the Ancient Comedy, t'other side of the River), and asked
+him where he was going.
+
+"To get a Billet of Confession," he made answer.
+
+"Stuff and Nonsense!" I answered, in the French Tongue. "They sell them
+not at this Hour of Night. Where do you live?"
+
+"In the Parvis of Notre Dame," says he, staring like a Stuck Pig. "O
+Arnault! O Jansenius! O Monsieur de Paris! all this is your fault!"
+
+And he lugs out of his Pocket a ragged Sheet of Paper, which he said was
+the last Mandement or Charge of the Archbishop of Paris, and was for
+reading it to me by the Moonlight; but I stopped him short. I had heard
+in a vague manner that the Public Mind was just then much agitated by
+some Dispute between the Clergy and the Parliament concerning Billets or
+Certificates of Confession; but they concerned neither me nor the Opera
+House. Besides, an Hour after Midnight is not the time for reading
+Archbishops' Charges in the Public Streets.
+
+"'Tis my belief, Brother," I said, as soothingly as I could, "that you'd
+better go Home, and tie a Wet Clout round your Head; or, better still,
+hie to a Chirurgeon and be let Blood. Have you e'er a Home?"
+
+He began to tell me that his Name was ROBERT FRANÇOIS DAMIENS; that he
+had come from Picardy; that he had been a Stableman, a Locksmith, a
+Camp-follower, and a Servant at the College of Louis-le-Grand; that he
+had a Wife who was a Cook in a Noble Family, and a Daughter who coloured
+Prints for a Seller of Engravings. In short, he told me all save what I
+desired to know. And in the midst of his rambling recital he stops, and
+claps his Hand to his Forehead again.
+
+"What ails you?" I asked.
+
+"_C'est le Sang, c'est le Sang qui me monte à la Tête!_" cries he. "_La
+Faute est à Monseigneur et à son Mandement. Je périrai; mais les Grands
+de la Terre périront avec moi._"[B]
+
+And with this Bedlamite Speech he broke away from me,--for I had kept a
+slight hold of him,--and set off Running as hard as his legs could carry
+him.
+
+I concluded that this Red-faced Man must be some Mad Fellow just escaped
+out of Charenton; and, having other Fish to fry, let him follow his own
+devices. Whereupon I kindled a Pipe of Tobacco, and went home to Bed.
+
+Two days after this (March, 1757), the whole Troop of the Opera House
+were commanded to Versailles, there to perform the Ballet of Orpheus
+before Mesdames the King's Daughters. I had by this time received slight
+Promotion, and played the Dog Cerberus,--at which my dear little Angel
+of a Lilias made much mirth. His Majesty was to have waited at
+Versailles for the playing of the Piece; but after Dinner he changes his
+mind, and determines on returning to his other Palace of Trianon.
+
+'Twas about Five o'clock in the Afternoon, and there was a great Crowd
+in the Court of Marble to see the Most Christian King take Coach for
+Trianon. The Great Court was full of Gardes Françaises, Musqueteers Red
+and Gray carrying Torches, with Coaches, Led Horses, Prickers, Grooms,
+Pages, Valets, Waiting Women, and all the Hurley-Burly of a great Court.
+Some few of the Commonalty also managed to squeeze themselves
+in--amongst others, your humble Servant, John Dangerous, who was now
+reckoned no better than a Rascal Buffoon.
+
+'Twas bitterly cold, and freezing hard, and the Courtiers had their
+hands squeezed into great fur Muffs. I saw the King come down the Marble
+Staircase; a fair portly Gentleman, with a Greatcoat, lined with fur,
+over his ordinary vestments--then a novelty among the French, and called
+a _Redingote_, from our English Riding-coat.
+
+"Is that the King?" I heard a Voice, which I seemed to remember, ask
+behind me, as the Monarch passed between a double line of Spectators to
+his Coach.
+
+"Yes, Dog," answered he who had been addressed, and who was an Officer
+in the Gray Musqueteers. "Pig, why dost thou not take off thy Hat?"
+
+I was all at once pushed violently on one side. A Man with a Drugget
+Coat and Flapped Hat, and whom I at once recognised by the light of the
+glaring torches as the Red-faced Brawler of the Wine-shop, darted
+through the line of Guards, an open Knife in his hand, and rushing up
+to him, stabbed King Lewis the Fifteenth in the side.
+
+I could hear his Majesty cry out, "_Oh! je suis blessé!_"--"I am
+wounded!"--but all the rest was turbulence and confusion; in the midst
+of which, not caring that the Red-faced Man should claim me as an
+Acquaintance, I slipped away. I need scarcely say that there was no
+Ballet at Versailles that night.
+
+A great deal of Blood came from the King's Wound; for he was a Plethoric
+Sovereign, much given to High Living; but he was, on the whole, more
+Frightened than Hurt. Although when the Assassin was first laid hold of,
+His Majesty cried out in an Easy Manner that no Harm was to be done him,
+he never afterwards troubled his Royal Self in the slightest Manner to
+put a stop to the Hellish Torments inflicted on a Poor Wretch, who had,
+at the most, but scratched his Flesh, and for whom the most fitting
+Punishment would have been a Cell in a Madhouse.
+
+As for this most miserable Red-faced Man, Robert François Damiens, this
+is what was done to him. At first handling, he was very nearly murdered
+by the Young Gentlemen Officers of the Body Guard, who, having tied him
+to a Bench, pricked him with their Sword Points, beat him with their
+Belts, and pummelled him about the Mouth with the Butt-ends of Pistols.
+Then he was had to the Civil Prison; and a certain President, named
+Michault, came to interrogate him, who being most zealous to discover
+whether the Parricide (as he was called) had any Accomplices, heated a
+Pair of Pincers in the Fire, and when they were red-hot, clawed and
+dragged away at the Unhappy Man's Legs, till the whole Dungeon did reek
+with the horrible Odour of Burnt Flesh. Just imagine one of our English
+Judges of the Land undertaking such a Hangman's Office! The poor Wretch
+made no other complaint than to murmur that the King had directed that
+he was not to be ill-treated; and when they further questioned him,
+could only stammer out some Incoherent Balderdash about the Archbishop,
+the Parliament, and the Billets of Confession.
+
+After many Days, he was removed from Versailles to Paris; but his Legs
+were so bad with the Burning, that they were obliged to carry him away
+on a Mattress. So to Paris; the Journey taking Six Hours, through his
+great attendance of Guards and the thickness of the Crowd. He was had to
+the Prison of the Conciergerie, and put into a Circular Dungeon in the
+Tower called of Montgomery--the very same one where Ravaillac, that
+killed Henry the Fourth, had formerly lain. There they put him into a
+kind of Sack of Shamoy Leather, leaving only his Head free; and he was
+tied down to his bed--which was a common Hospital Pallet--by an immense
+number of Leathern Straps, secured by Iron Rings to the Floor of his
+Dungeon. But what Dr. Goldsmith, the Poetry-writer, means by "Damiens'
+Bed of Steel," I'm sure I don't know. At the head and foot of his Bed an
+Exempt kept watch Night and Day, and every three-quarters of an hour
+the Guard was relieved; so that the Miserable Creature had little chance
+of Sleeping. He would have sunk under all this Cruelty, but that they
+kept him up with Rich Meats and Generous Wines, which they had all but
+to force down his Throat.
+
+But while all this was being done to Damiens, other steps were being
+taken by Justice, the which narrowly concerned me. As he would denounce
+no Accomplices, real or imaginary, the Police did their best to find out
+his Confederates for themselves, and by diligent Inquiry made themselves
+acquainted with all Damiens' movements for days before he committed his
+Crime. They found out the Wine-shop where he had refused to pay his
+Reckoning and made a Disturbance; and learning from the people of the
+House what manner of Man had paid for him and taken him away, they were
+soon on _my_ track. One night, just before the Ballet began, I was taken
+by two Exempts; and, in the very play-acting dress as Cerberus that I
+wore, was forced into a Sedan, and taken, surrounded by Guards, to the
+Prison of the Châtelet. I thought of appealing to our Ambassador in
+Paris, and proving that I was a faithful Subject of King George; but, as
+it happened, I owed my safety to one who disowned that Monarch, and kept
+all his Allegiance for King James. For old Mr. Lovell, hearing of my
+Arrest, and importuned by poor Pretty Miss Lilias, who was kind enough
+to shed many Tears on the occasion, hurried off to his Eminence the
+Cardinal de ----, who was all but supreme at Court, and with whom he had
+great Influence. The Cardinal listens to him very graciously, and by and
+by comes down the President Pasquier to interrogate me, to whom I told a
+plain Tale, setting forth how I had been unfortunate in Business in
+Holland and Flanders, and was earning an honest Livelihood by playing a
+Dog in a Pantomime. The people in the Wine-shop could not but bear me
+out in stating that I had come across the Red-faced Man by pure
+Accident, and was no Friend of his. It was moreover established by the
+Police, that I had not been seen in Damiens' company after the Night I
+first met him, and that I had a legitimate call to be at Versailles on
+the day of the Assassination; so that after about a fortnight's
+detention I was set at Liberty, to my own great joy and that of my good
+and kind Mistress Lilias, who had now repaid ten-thousand-fold whatever
+paltry Service I had been fortunate enough to render her. Nay, this
+seeming Misadventure was of present service to me; for his Eminence was
+pleased to say that he should be glad to hear something more concerning
+me, for that I seemed a Bold Fellow; and at an Interview with him, which
+lasted more than an Hour, I told him my whole Life and Adventures, which
+caused him to elevate his Eyebrows not a little.
+
+"_Cospetto!_ Signor Dangerous," says he (for though he spoke French like
+a Native he was by Birth an Italian, and sometimes swore in that
+Language), "if all be true what you say,--and you do not look like a
+Man who tells Lies,--you have led a strange Life. When a Boy, you were
+nearly Hanged; and now at the _mezzo cammin_ of Life you have been on
+the point of having your Limbs broken on a St. Andrew's Cross. However,
+we must see what we can do for you. Strength, Valour, Experience, and
+Discretion do not often go together; but I give you credit for
+possessing a fair show of all Four. I suppose, now, that you are tired
+of squatting at the Wicket of the Infernal Regions at the Opera House?"
+
+I bowed in acknowledgment of his Eminence's compliments, and said that I
+should be glad of any Employment.
+
+"Well, well," continued his Eminence, "we will see. At present, as you
+say you are a fair Scholar, my Secretary will find you some work in
+copying Letters. And here, Signor Dangerous, take these ten Louis, and
+furnish yourself with some more Clerkly Attire than your present trim.
+It would never do for a Prince of the Church to have a Flavour of the
+Opera Side-Scenes about his house."
+
+Unless Rumour lied, there hung sometimes about his Eminence's sumptuous
+hotel a Flavour, not alone of the Opera Side-Scenes, but of the
+Ballet-Dancers' Tiring-room. However, let that pass. I took the ten
+Louis with many Thanks, and six hours afterwards was strutting about in
+a suit of Black, full trimmed, with a little short Cloak, for all the
+world like a Notary's Clerk.
+
+I had been in the Employ of his Eminence--who showed me daily more and
+more favour--about a month, when all Paris was agog with the News that
+the Monster Parricide and Hell-Hound (as they called him from the
+Pulpit), Robert François Damiens, was to suffer the last Penalty of his
+Crime. I know not what strange horrible fascination I yielded to, but I
+could not resist the desire to see the End of the Red-faced Man. I went.
+The Tragedy took place on the Place de Grêve; but ere he came on to his
+last Scene, Damiens had gone through other Woes well-nigh unutterable.
+I speak not of his performing the _amende honorable_, bare-footed, in
+his Shirt, a Halter round his Neck, and a lighted Taper of six pounds'
+weight in his Hand, at the Church-door, confessing his Crime, and asking
+Pardon of God, the King, and all Christian Men. Ah! no; he had suffered
+more than this. Part of his Sentence was that, prior to Execution, he
+was to undergo the Question Ordinary and Extraordinary; and so at the
+Conciergerie, in the presence of Presidents, Counsellors of the
+Parliament, Great Noblemen of the Court, and other Dignitaries, the Poor
+Thing was put into the _Brodequins_, or Boots, and wedge after wedge
+driven in between his Legs--already raw and inflamed with the Devilries
+of the President Michault--and the Iron Incasement. He rent the air with
+his Screams, until the Surgeons declared that he could hold out no
+longer. But he confessed nothing; for what had he to confess?
+
+Then came the last awful Day, when all this Agony was to end. I saw it
+all. The Grêve was densely packed; and although the space is not a third
+so large as Tower Hill, there seemed to be Thousands more persons
+present than at the beheading of my Lord Lovat. A sorrier Sight was it
+to see the windows of the Hôtel de Ville thronged with Great Ladies of
+the Court, many of them Young and Beautiful, and all bravely Dressed,
+who laughed and chattered and ate Sweetmeats while the Terrible Show was
+going on. The Sentence ran that the Assassin's Hand, holding the Knife
+which he had used, should be Burnt in a Slow-fire of Sulphur. Then that
+his Flesh should be torn on the Breast, Arms, Stomach, Thighs, and
+Calves of the Legs with Pincers; and then that into the gaping Wounds
+there should be poured Melted Lead, Rosin, Pitch, Wax, and Boiling Oil.
+And finally, that by the Four Extremities he should be attached to Four
+Horses, and rent Asunder; his Body then to be Burnt, and his Ashes
+scattered to the Winds. There was nothing said about the Lord having
+mercy upon his Soul; but careful injunction was made that he was to be
+condemned in the Costs of the Prosecution.
+
+All this was done, although I sicken to record it; but in the most
+Blundering Butcherly manner. The Chief-Executioner of the Parliament was
+Sick, and so the task was deputed to his Nephew, Gabriel Sanson, who
+being, notwithstanding his Sanguinary Office (which is hereditary), a
+Humane kind of Young Man, was all in a Shiver at what he had to perform,
+and quite lost his Head. Both his Valets, or Under-Hangmen, were Drunk.
+They had forgotten the Pitch, Oil, Rosin, and other things; and at the
+last moment they had to be sent for to the neighbouring Grocers'. But
+these Shopkeepers declared, out of humanity, that they had them not;
+whereupon Guards and Exempts were sent, who searched their Stores, and
+seized what was wanted in the King's Name. Then the Fiendish Show began.
+I can hear the miserable man's Shrieks as I sit writing this now.--But
+no more.
+
+So strong is our Human Frame, that the great strong Brewer's Horses,
+although Dragged and Whipped this way and t'other, could not pull his
+limbs Asunder. So the Surgeons were obliged to sever the great Sinews
+with Knives, and then the Horses managed it, somehow.
+
+_Note._--When the Horses were Lashed, to make 'em pull Lustily, the Fine
+Ladies at the windows fluttered their Fans, and, in their sweet little
+Court Lingo, cried out compassionately, "_Oh, les pauv' Zevaux!_"--"Oh,
+the poor Dobbins!" They didn't say any thing about a poor Damiens.
+
+_Note._--Also, that when they took his Head, to cram it into the
+Brazier, and burn it with the rest of his Members, they found that his
+Hair, which when he was arrested was of a Dark Brown, had turned quite
+White.
+
+This Story is Naked Truth, and it was done in the Christian country of
+France, and in the Year of our Lord Seventeen Hundred and Fifty-Seven.
+It all fell out because a poor, ignorant, half-crazy Serving-Man chose
+to muddle his Head about the Archbishop of Paris and his Billets of
+Confession, and because he would not go to a Chirurgeon and be let Blood
+when Jack Dangerous bade him.
+
+A week after this his Eminence was pleased to send for me into his
+Cabinet, and told me that he had heard great Accounts from his Secretary
+of my Parts, Application, and Capacity, and that he designed to restore
+me to the position of a Gentleman. He asked me if I had a mind for a
+particular Employment and a Secret Mission; and on my signifying my
+willingness to embark in such an Undertaking, bade me hold myself in
+readiness to travel forthwith into Italy.
+
+
+FOOTNOTE:
+
+[B] "'Tis the Blood, the Blood mounting to my Head! 'Tis the
+Archbishop's fault, and that of his Charge. I shall perish; but the
+Mighty Ones of the Earth shall perish with me."
+
+I have, contrary to my practice, given these Words as they were spoken,
+in the French Tongue: for they sunk into my Mind, so as never to be
+forgotten.--J. D.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE SIXTH.
+
+OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE CARDINAL DE ----.
+
+
+PARIS was now clearly no place for me; so bidding adieu to my kind
+Protectress, I made what haste I could to quit the city where I had
+witnessed, and in some sense been implicated in, so Frightful a Tragedy.
+There had always been mingled with my Adventurous Temperament a turn for
+sober Reflection; and I did not fail to Reflect with much seriousness
+upon the appalling perils from which I had just, by the Mercy of
+Providence, escaped. Setting altogether on one side the Pretty Sight I
+should have presented had I been subject to the Hellish Tortures which
+this poor crazy Wretch Damiens underwent, I justly conceived an extreme
+Horror for this Fiendish yet frivolous People, who could mingle the
+twirling of Fans and the sucking of Sugarplums, with the most
+excruciating Torments ever inflicted upon a Human Being. At least, so I
+reasoned to myself; if we English hang and disembowel a Traitor, at
+least we strangle him first; and though the sentence is Bloodthirsty,
+the mob would rend 'Squire Ketch in pieces were it known that a Spark of
+Life remained in the Body of the Patient when the Hangman's Knife
+touched his Breast; but these Frenchmen have neither Humanity nor
+Decency, and positively pet and pamper up their Victim in order that he
+may be the better able to endure the full effects of their infernal
+Spite.
+
+Not without considerable Misgivings did I undertake my new Employment,
+the more so as I was both forbidden and ashamed to impart any inkling of
+its nature to my dear Mistress. Say what you will, no man that has a
+spark of Honesty remaining in him can have much relish for the calling
+of a Spy. I tried hard to persuade myself that this was a kind of
+Diplomatic Employment; that I was intrusted with Secrets of State; and
+that by faithfully carrying out my Instructions, I was serving the cause
+of Civilisation, and in my humble way helping to maintain the Peace of
+Europe. For in all ages there have been, and in all to come there must
+be, sober and discreet Persons to act as Emissaries, to inquire into the
+conditions of the People, and bring back Tidings of the Nakedness or
+Fertility of the Land. It would never have been known that there was
+Corn in Egypt, but for the sagacious Investigations of Messengers sent
+to quest about in the interest of a Famished Community. Nevertheless I
+admit that, although I spread much such Balsam upon my galled and chafed
+Conscience, I could not avoid a dismal Distrust that all these Arguments
+were vain and Sophistical. The words, "Spy, Spy, Spy," haunted me both
+by day and by night. I saw, in imagination, the Finger of Derision
+pointed at me, and heard, in spirit, the wagging of the Tongues of
+Evil-minded Men. The worst of it was, that the occult nature of my
+Mission prevented me from loudly proclaiming my Honesty in order to
+vindicate it against all comers, and glued my Sword to its Scabbard,
+whence it would otherwise furiously have leapt to avenge the merest
+Slight put upon me.
+
+His Eminence the Cardinal de ---- was pleased to equip me for my Journey
+in the most munificent Manner. First he directed me to procure a
+plentiful stock of Clothes both for travelling and for gala Occasions,
+not forgetting a couple of good serviceable Rapiers, as well as a
+Walking-sword, a Dress-foil, and a Hanger, with a pair of Holster
+Pistols, and two smaller ones of Steel in case of Emergencies. Also, by
+his advice, within the lining of my Coat, by the nape of my Neck, just
+where the bag of my Wig hung, I secreted a neat little Poniard or
+Dagger. In a small Emerald Ring, of which he made me a Present, was
+compactly stowed a quantity of very subtle and potent Poison, sufficient
+to kill Two Men. "One never knows what may happen, dear Captain," says
+his Eminence to me, with his unctuous Smile. "Your Profession is one of
+sudden Risks, leading sometimes to prospects of painful Inconvenience.
+If you are brought to such a pass that all your Ingenuity will not
+enable you to extricate yourself from it, and if you have any rational
+Objection, say, to being Burnt Alive, or Broken on the Wheel, 'tis
+always as well to have the means at hand of executing oneself with
+genteel Tranquillity. Such means you will always carry with you on your
+Little Finger; and I can see, by the circumference of the Ring, that
+'tis only by Sawing off that it can be got from off your Digit. Poison
+yourself then, _mio caro_, if you see no other way of getting out of the
+Scrape; but pray remember this; That he who has poison about him, and
+only enough for one, is an Ass. _Always carry enough for Two._ The
+immersion of that little finger in a Glass of Wine, and the pressure of
+a little Spring, would make Hercules so much cold chicken in a Moment.
+There are times, dear Captain, when you may have to save Half your
+Potion to kill yourself, but when you may safely lay out the other Half
+with the view of killing somebody else." A mighty pleasant Way had his
+Eminence with him; and his conversation was a kind of Borgia Brocade
+shot with Machiavelism.
+
+My Despatches and other Secret Documents I was to carry neatly folded
+and moulded within a Ball of Wax not much larger than a Pill. This again
+was put into a Comfit-box of Gold, and suspended by a minute but strong
+Chain of Steel round my Neck.
+
+"In difficult Circumstances," says his Eminence, "you will open that
+Comfit-box and swallow that little Ball of Wax. I have often thought,"
+he pursued, "that Spies, to be perfect in their Vocation, should first
+of all be apprenticed to Mountebanks. At the Fair of St. Germain, I have
+gazed with admiration on the grotesquely bedizened fellows who swallow
+Swords, Redhot Pokers, and Yards of Ribbon without number, and thought
+of what invaluable service their Powers of Gullet would be in the rapid
+and effectual concealment of Documents the which it is expedient to
+conceal from the eyes of the Vulgar."
+
+Again, in the folds of a silken belt, in the which I was to keep my
+Letters of Credit and a large unset Diamond, in case I should be pressed
+for Money in places where there were no Bankers,--for Diamonds are
+convertible into Cash from one end of the World to the other, except
+among the Cannibals,--in this Belt was a little Scrap of Parchment
+secured between two squares of Glass, and bearing an Inscription in
+minute characters, which I was unable to decipher. I have the Scrap of
+Parchment by me yet, and have shown it to Doctor Dubiety, who is a very
+learned man; but even he is puzzled with it; and beyond opining that the
+characters are either Arabic or Sanscrit, cannot give me any information
+regarding their Purport.
+
+"This Parchment," observed the Cardinal when he delivered it to me,
+"will be of no service to you with Civil or Military Governors, and it
+will be well for you not to show it to carnal-minded Men; but if ever
+you get into difficulties with Holy Mother Church--I speak not of
+Heretic Communions--you may produce it at once, and it will be sure to
+deliver you from those Fiery Furnaces and the Jaws of those Devouring
+Dragons of whom the said Holy Mother Church is sometimes forced (through
+the perversity of Mankind) to make use."
+
+Finally, this same Belt contained a curious Contrivance, by means of a
+piece of Vellum perforated in divers places, for deciphering the Letters
+I might receive from his Eminence or his agents. On placing the Vellum
+over the Letter sent, the words intended to meet the eyes of the
+recipient, and none other, would appear through the incisions made;
+while, the Vellum removed, the body of the Epistle would read like the
+veriest Balderdash. This the French call a _chiffre à grille_, and 'tis
+much used in their secret Diplomatic Affairs. The best of it is, that
+when the two Parties who wish to correspond have once settled where the
+incisions are to be, and have each gotten their _grille_, or Peephole
+Vellum, no human being can, under ten thousand combinations of letters,
+and years of toilsome labour, decipher what is meant to be expressed, or
+Weed out the few Words of Meaning from the mass of surrounding Rubbish.
+
+I bade his Eminence farewell, having the honour to be admitted to his
+_petit lever_, the felicity to kiss his hand and receive his
+Benediction, and the distinction of being conducted down the Back Stairs
+by his Maître d'Hôtel, and let out by a Side Door in the Garden-wall of
+his Mansion. A close Chariot took me one morning in the Spring of '58 to
+the Barrière de Lyon, and there I found a Chaise and Post-horses, and
+was soon on my road to the South, with three hundred Louis in Gold in my
+Valise, and a Letter of Credit for any sum under five hundred at a time,
+I liked to draw, in my Waist-belt. I was Richer in Purse and more
+bravely Dressed than ever I had been in my life, and travelled under the
+name of the Chevalier Escarbotin; but I was a Spy, and in mine own eyes
+I was the Meanest of the Mean.
+
+A happy Mercurial Temper and cheerful Flow of Spirits soon, however,
+revived within me; and, ere Ten Leagues of my Journey were over, the
+Chevalier Escarbotin became once more to himself Jack Dangerous. "I will
+work the Mine of my Manhood," I cried out in the Chaise, "to the last
+Vein of the Ore. _Vive la Joie!_" Yet in my innermost heart did I wish
+myself once more with Captain Blokes as the daring Supercargo of the
+dear old _Marquis_, or else a Peaceful Merchant at Amsterdam, giving
+good advice to the Rogues and Sluts in the Rasphuys. O Mr.
+Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom!
+
+Six days after my departure from Paris, I embarked from Marseille on
+board a Tartane bound for Genoa. We had fine sailing for about three
+days, till by contrary winds we were driven into San Remo, a pretty
+Seaport belonging to the Genoese. This abounds so much with Oranges,
+Lemons, and other Delicious Fruit, that it is called the Paradise of
+Italy. So on to Genoa, where the Beggars live in Palaces cheek by jowl
+with the Nobles, who are well-nigh as beggarly as they; and the Houses
+are as lofty as any in Europe, and the Streets between them as dark and
+narrow as Adam and Eve Court in the Strand. The Suburb called San Pietro
+d'Arena very pretty, and full of commodious Villas. There are thirty
+Parish Churches, and at San Lorenzo they show a large Dish made out of
+One Emerald, which they say was given to King Solomon by the Queen of
+Sheba. The Genoese are a cunning and industrious People, with a great
+gusto for the Arts, but terrible Thieves. The Government a Republic,
+headed by a Doge, that is chosen every two years from among the
+Nobility, and must be a Genoese, at least Fifty years of age, and no
+Byblow. He cannot so much as lie One Night out of the City, without
+leave had from the Senate. When he is elected, they place a Crown of
+Gold on his Head, and a Sceptre in his Hand. His Robes are of Crimson
+Velvet, and he has the title of Serenity.
+
+Here I did business with several Persons of Consideration; the Senators
+B--c--i and Delia G----, the rich Banker L----, and Monsignore the
+Archprelate X----. So by Cortona, where there is a strong Castle on a
+Hill, to Pavia, an old decaying City on the River Tessin, which is so
+rapid that Bishop Burnet says he ran down the Stream thirty miles in
+three hours by the help of one Rower only. This may be, or t'other way;
+but I own to placing very little faith in the veracity of these
+Cat-in-Pan Revolution Bishops. Here (at Pavy) is a Brass Statue of
+Marcus Antoninus on Horseback; though the Pavians will have it to be
+Charles the Fifth, and others declare it to be Constantine the Great.
+
+After two days here, waiting for Despatches from his Eminence, which
+came at last in the False Bottom of a Jar of Narbonne Honey, and I
+answering by a Billet discreetly buried in the recesses of a large
+Bologna Sausage, I posted to Milan, through a fertile and delicious
+country, which some call the Garden of Italy. A broad, clean place, with
+spacious Streets; but the Wine and Maccaroni not half so good as at
+Genoa. The Cathedral full of Relics, some of which run up as high as
+Abraham. In the Ambrosian Library are a power of Books, and, what is
+more curious, the Dried _Heads_ of several Learned Men--amongst others,
+that of our Bishop Fisher, whom King Harry the Eighth put to death for
+not acknowledging his Supremacy. About two miles from hence is a
+Curiosity, in the shape of a Building, where, if you fire off a Pistol;
+the Sound returns about Fifty times. 'Tis done, they told me, by two
+Parallel Walls of a considerable length, which reverberate the Sound to
+each other till the undulation is quite spent. The which, being so
+informed, I was as wise concerning the Echo as I had been before.
+
+It was my Design to have proceeded from Milan either to Venice or to the
+famous Capital City of Rome; but Instructions from his Eminence forced
+me to retrace my steps, and at Genoa I embarked for Naples. This is a
+very handsome place, but villanously Dirty, and governed in a most
+Despotic Manner. Nearly all the Corn Country round about belongs to the
+Jesuits, who make a pretty Penny by it. The taxes very high, and laid on
+Wine, Meat, Oil, and other Necessaries of Life; indeed on every thing
+eatable except Fruit and Fowls, which you may buy for a Song. All
+Foreigners who have here purchased Estates are loaded with Extraordinary
+Taxes and Impositions. The City is remarkable for its Silk Stockings,
+Waistcoats, Breeches, and Caps; Soap, Perfume, and Snuff-boxes. They
+cool their Wine with Snow, which they get out of pits dug in the
+Mountain-sides. Near here, too, is a Burning Mountain they call Vesuvio.
+It may be mighty curious, but 'tis as great a Nuisance and Perpetual
+Alarm to the peaceable Inhabitants of Naples as a Powder Magazine. Very
+often this Vesuvio gives itself up to hideous Bellowing, causing the
+Windows, nay the very Houses, in Naples to Shake, and then it vomits
+forth vast Quantities of melted Stuff, which streams down the
+Mountain-sides like a pot boiling over. Sometimes it darkens the Sun
+with Smoke, causing a kind of Eclipse; then a Pillar of Black Smoke will
+start up to a prodigious Height in the air, and the next morning you
+will find the Court and Terrace of your House, be it ten miles away, all
+strewn with Fine Ashes from Vesuvio.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE SEVENTH.
+
+I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM SEDUCED TO A STATE OF
+MISERABLE SLAVERY.
+
+
+I THINK I should have been much better off, if, stopping at Naples, I
+had fallen into the blazing Crater of Vesuvio, and have cast up again
+into the air in the shape of Red-Hot Ashes. I think it would have been
+better for me to be Bitten by the Tarantula Spider (which is about the
+size of a small Nutmeg, and when it bites a person throws him into all
+kinds of Tumblings, Anger, Fear, Weeping, Crazy Talk, and Wild Actions,
+accompanied by a kind of Bedlam Gambado), than to have gone upon the
+pretty Dance I was destined to Lead. However, there was no disobeying
+the commands of his Eminence, who, in his Smooth Italian way, told me at
+Paris that those of his Servants who did not attend to his Behests,
+were much subject to dying Suddenly after Supper; and so, Willy-nilly, I
+sped upon my Dark Errand.
+
+Business now took me to Venice. This is a very grand City, both for the
+Magnificence of its Nobles and the Extent of its Commerce. The Doge is
+only a Sumptuous kind of Puppet, the Real Government being vested in the
+Seignory, or Council of Ten, that carry matters with a very High Hand,
+but, on the whole, give Satisfaction both to the Quality and the Common.
+Here are numbers of Priests of a very Free Life and Conversation, and
+swarms of Monks that are notorious Evil-doers; for during the Carnival
+(a very famous one here) they wear Masks, sing upon Stages, and fall
+into many other Practices unbecoming their Profession. The Venetian Nuns
+are the merriest in all Europe, and have a not much better Repute than
+the Monks, many of them being the Daughters of the Nobility, who dispose
+of 'em in this manner to save the Charges of keeping 'em at home. They
+wear no Veils; have their Necks uncovered; and receive the Addresses of
+Suitors at the Grates of their Parlours. The Patriarch did indeed at one
+time essay to Reform the abuses that had crept into the Nunneries; but
+the Ladies of San Giacomo, with whom he began, told him plainly that
+they were Noble Venetians, and scorned his Regulations. Thereupon he
+attempted to shut up their House, which so provoked 'em that they were
+going to set Fire to it; but the Senate interposing, commanded the
+Patriarch to desist, and these Merry Maidens had full liberty to resume
+their Madcap Pranks.
+
+Here they make excellent fine Drinking-glasses and Mirrors; likewise
+Gold and Silver Stuffs, Turpentine, Cream of Tartar, and other articles.
+The Streets mostly with Water running thro' 'em, like unto Rotterdam,
+all going to and fro done in Boats called Gondoles,--a dismal,
+Hearse-looking kind of Wherry, with a prow like the head of a Bass-Viol,
+and rowed, or rather shoved along with a Pole by a Mad, Ragged Fellow,
+that bawls out verses from Tasso, one of their Poets, as he plies his
+Oar. The great Sight at Venice, after the Grand Canal and St. Mark's
+Place, is the Carnival, which begins on Twelfth Day, and holds all Lent.
+The Diversion of the Venetians is now all for Masquerading. Under a
+Disguise, they break through their Natural Gravity, and fall heartily
+into all the Follies and Extravagances of these occasions. With Operas,
+Plays, and Gaming-Houses, they seem to forget all Habits, Customs, and
+Laws; lay aside all cares of Business, and swamp all Distinctions of
+Rank. This practice of Masking gives rise to a variety of Love
+Adventures, of which the less said the better; for the Venetian Bona
+Robas, or Corteggiane, as they call 'em now, are a most Artful
+Generation. The pursuit of Amours is often accompanied by Broils and
+Bloodshed; and Fiery Temper is not confined to the Men, but often breaks
+out in the Weaker Sex; an instance of which I saw one day in St. Mark's
+Place, where two Fine Women, Masked, that were Rivals for the favour of
+the same Gallant, happening to meet, and by some means knowing one
+another, they fell out, went to Cuffs, tore off each other's Mask, and
+at last drew Knives out of their pockets, with which they Fought so
+seriously, that one of them was left for Dead upon the Spot.
+
+Another Frolic of the Carnival is Gaming, which is commonly in
+Noblemen's Houses, where there are Tables for that purpose in ten or
+twelve Rooms on a floor, and seldom without abundance of Company, who
+are all Masked, and observe a profound Silence. Here one meets Ladies of
+Pleasure cheek by jowl with Ladies of Quality, who, under the protection
+of a convenient piece of Black Satin or Velvet, are allowed to enjoy the
+entertainments of the Season; but are generally attended either by the
+Husband or his Spies, who keep a watchful eye on their Behaviour.
+Besides these Gaming-Rooms, there are others, where Sweetmeats, Wine,
+Lemonade, and other Refreshments may be purchased, the Haughty Nobility
+of Venice not disdaining to turn Tavern-keepers at this season of the
+year. Here it is usual for Gentlemen to address the Ladies and employ
+their wit and raillery; but they must take care to keep within the
+bounds of Politeness, or they may draw upon themselves the Resentment of
+the Husbands, who seldom put up with an Affront of this kind, though
+perhaps only imaginary, without exacting a severe Satisfaction. For the
+Common People there are Jugglers, Rope-dancers, Fortune-tellers, and
+other Buffoons, who have stages in the Square of St. Mark, where, at all
+times during the Carnival, 'tis almost impossible to pass along, owing
+to the crowd of Masqueraders. Bull Baitings, Races of Gondoles, and
+other Amusements, too tedious to enumerate, also take place. But among
+the several Shows which attract the eyes of the Populace, I cannot
+forbear describing one which is remarkable for its oddity, and perhaps
+peculiar to the Venetians. A number of Men, by the help of Poles laid
+across each other's Shoulders, build themselves up almost as children do
+Cards--four or five Rows of 'em standing one above the other, and
+lessening as they advance in height, till at last a little Boy forms
+the Top, or Point, of the Structure. After they have stood in this
+manner, to be gazed at, some time, the Boy leaps down into the arms of
+people appointed to catch him at the Bottom; the rest follow his
+example, and so the whole Pile falls to Pieces.
+
+The Nobility of Venice are remarkable for their Persons as well as for
+their Polite Behaviour, and have a great deal of Gravity and Wisdom in
+their Countenances. They wear a light Cap with a kind of black Fringe,
+and a long black Gown of Paduan Cloth, as their Laws require; though the
+English have found means to introduce their Manufactures among 'em.
+Underneath these Gowns they have suits of Silk; and are extremely neat
+as to their Shoes and Stockings. Their Perukes are long, full-bottomed,
+and very well Powdered; and they usually carry their Caps in their
+Hands. The Women very well shaped, though they endeavour to improve
+their Complexions with Washes and Paint. These of Quality wear such
+high-heeled Shoes, that they can scarce walk without having two people
+to support them. In matters of Religion (though their worship is as
+pompous as Gold and Jewels can make it) the Venetians are very Easy and
+Unconcerned; and neither Pope nor Inquisition is thought much of in the
+Dominions of the Seignory. For Music in their Churches they have a
+perfect Passion. The City is well furnished with Necessaries; but the
+want of Cellarage makes all the Wine sour. The Inhabitants are of a
+Fresh Complexion, and not much troubled with Coughs; which is strange,
+they having so much Water about 'em. They begin their day at Sunset, and
+count one o'clock an hour after, and so on to twenty-four; which is
+likewise a Custom, I believe, among the Chineses.
+
+They bury their Dead within the Four-and-Twenty Hours, and sometimes
+sooner. The Funerals of Persons of Quality are performed with great Pomp
+and Solemnity; and the deceased are carried to the Place of Interment
+with their Faces bare. Whilst I was in Venice, their Patriarch (who is a
+kind of Independent Pontiff in his own way; for, as I have said, they
+reckon but little of his Holiness here) died, and was buried with this
+Ceremony. He was carried in one of his own Coaches, by night, to St.
+Mark's Church, which was all hung with Black for the occasion; and next
+day the Corpse was laid on a Bed in the very middle of the Church,
+dressed in the Sacerdotal Habit, with the Head towards the Choir, and
+his Tiara, or Mitre, lying at the feet. At each corner of the bed stood
+a _valet de chambre_, holding a Banner of Black Taffety, with the Arms
+of the Deceased. A hundred large Wax Tapers were placed in Candlesticks
+round the bed, and High Mass was sung; the Sopranos very beautiful.
+After Mass was over, all retired; but the Body lay exposed till evening,
+when it was stripped of its Vestments (for though a very Gorgeous
+people, they are Economical in their ways), and put into a Leaden
+Coffin, enclosed in another of Cypress, and was then let down into the
+Grave. 'Tis not usual with the Relations to attend the Funeral, which
+they look upon as a Barbarous Custom. But they wear Mourning longer and
+more regularly than in many other countries. A woman in a Mourning Habit
+appears Black from Head to Foot, not the least Bit of Linen being to be
+seen.
+
+The nature of my Employment now brought me into intimate Commerce with
+Monsieur B----, a French Merchant of Lyons, who treated me with
+extraordinary Civility, and made great Offers of being of Assistance to
+me in my Voyage to Constantinople, whither I was now Bound. This
+Gentleman, by means of the French Ambassador at the Porte, had gotten a
+Firman, or passport, to enable him to Travel to that City, and with a
+proper number of Attendants, through any part of the Turkish Dominions.
+As 'tis inconvenient and dangerous Voyaging though the territories of
+the Great Turk without such a Protection, nothing could be more
+Agreeable than the offer he made me of his Company, the more so as his
+Eminence had enjoined me to keep a Strict Watch upon every thing that M.
+B---- said or did. He had designed to reach Constantinople by Land
+through Bosnia, Servia, Bulgaria, and Roumania; yet, in compliance with
+my Inclination (I wish my Inclination had been at the Deuce), which was
+all for a Sea Passage, he consented to embark on board a Vessel bound to
+Candia and other Islands of the Archipelago, from which we were to
+procure a Passage to the Capital of the Ottoman Empire. What made this
+Gentleman's Society more acceptable, was his thorough Knowledge of the
+Trade of the Levant, and the Genius and Temper of the People. Thus, he
+informed me of the Method of Dealing with Jews, Armenians, and Greeks;
+of the Eastern manner of travelling in Caravans, and the necessary
+precautions against such Accidents as are mostly fatal to Strangers; and
+instructed me in the Art of concealing Things of Value,--although I
+think I too could have given him a lesson in that Device,--and avoiding
+those Snares which Governors, Military Officers, and Petty Princes make
+use of in order to plunder Travellers and Merchants. Under these
+favourable Auspices, we embarked, in the Autumn of '37, on board a
+Trading Vessel called the _San Marco_, bound for Candia, but first for
+Malta, so famous for its Order of Knights. A fine Gale at North-West
+carried us pleasantly down the Gulf of Venice, or Adriatic Sea; and on
+the fifth day we came in sight of Otranto, a Town destroyed by the Turks
+nigh Three Hundred years ago, since which time it has hardly regained
+its Ancient Lustre, but at present well Fortified, and defended by a
+High Castle, which I have heard the Honourable Mr. Walpole, a Fine,
+Lardy-Dardy, Maccaroni Gentleman, that lives at a place called
+Strawberry Hill, by Twitnam, in England, has written a silly Romantic
+Tale about. So we got clear of the Gulf of Venice, and in three days
+more, after making Cape Passaro in Sicily, entered the Haven of Malta.
+
+This is an Island that lies between Sicily and the Coast of Africa, and
+is of an Egg-shaped figure, about twenty miles long and twelve broad.
+The City of Malta is divided into three parts, which are properly so
+many Rocks jutting out into the Sea, with large Harbours between them.
+That called Valetta, in honour of the Grand Master who so gallantly
+defended the place against the Turks, is extremely well Fortified, and
+also defended by a Castle, held to be impregnable. The City contains
+about Two Thousand Houses, well built with white Stone, and Flat-roofed,
+surrounded by Rails and Balusters. On t'other side of the Harbour is
+another City, formerly called Il Borgo, or the Borough, but now named
+Città Vittoriosa, alluding to the terrible Mauling the Turks got here in
+1566. St. John's Church very handsome, and on one side of it a fine
+Piazza, with a Fountain in the corner. Here are all the Tombs of the
+Grand Masters, and a great many Flags taken from the Turks. The Right
+Hand of St. John Baptist, wanting but Two Fingers, shown here for Money,
+with many other Relics and Ornaments. The Grand Master lives in a
+magnificent Palace; and close by is an Arsenal, with Arms for Thirty
+Thousand Men.
+
+The Treasury is a very stately Edifice; but what gives the highest Idea
+of the Charity of this illustrious Order is their noble Hospital, where
+all the Sick are received and provided for with the utmost Care. The
+Rooms are large and commodious, and in each of them there are but two
+Patients. Their Diet is brought to them in rich Silver Plate by the
+Knights themselves, who are obliged to this attendance by their
+Constitutions; and such an exact Decorum is observed, and every thing
+performed with such Magnificence, that it raises the astonishment of
+Strangers.
+
+But if there be Charity and Benevolence for the Christian Sick, there is
+little Mercy shown towards Infidels and Miscreants. The Prison for the
+Slaves is an enormous Building, with a Colonnade running round it, and
+capable of lodging three or four Thousand of those Unhappy People. There
+are seldom less than Two Thousand in the House, except when the Galleys
+of the Order are at Sea upon some Expedition. Then the poor Wretches are
+Chained, Night and Day, to the Oar; but when on Shore they have only a
+small Lock on their Ankles, like the slaves at Leghorn, and are
+permitted to go to any part of the Island, from which they have seldom
+an opportunity of making their Escape.
+
+The Knights of the Order of St. John of Jerusalem, commonly called
+Knights of Malta, after removing from Jerusalem to Magrath, from thence
+to Acre, and thence to Rhodes, were expelled from that Island by the
+Sultan Solyman, having an Army of Three Hundred Thousand Men. The
+Knights retired, first to Candia, and then to Sicily; but at last the
+Emperor Charles the Fifth gave 'em the Island of Malta, which they hold
+to this day. They formerly consisted of Eight Languages or Tongues,
+according to their Different Nations, viz. those of Provence, Auvergne,
+France, Italy, Arragon, Germany, Castile, and England; but this last one
+has been extinct since our Harry the Eighth's time, and what English
+Knights there be who are Papists are forced to find their Tongue where
+they can. Each of the Languages has its Chiefs, who are also called
+Pillars and Grand Crosses, being distinguished by a large White Cross
+'broidered on their Breasts. The Seven Languages have their respective
+Colleges and Halls in Malta, the Head of each House being called the
+Grand Prior of his Nation; and to each belongs a certain number of his
+Commanderies. The Knights, at their entrance into the Order, must prove
+their Legitimacy, as well as Nobility, by four Descents, and are termed
+Chevaliers by Right. Those who are raised to the rank of Nobles, for
+some Valiant Exploit, are called Chevaliers by Favour. None are admitted
+by the Statutes of the Order under the age of Sixteen; but some are
+received from their very Infancy on paying a large Sum of Money, or by
+Dispensation from the Pope. All the Knights oblige themselves to
+Celibacy, which does not hinder their leading very Disorderly Lives; and
+indeed Malta is full of Loose Cattle of all kinds. When they are
+Professed, a Carpet is spread on the Ground, on which is set a Piece of
+Bread, a Cup of Water, and a Naked Blade; and they are told, "This is
+what Religion gives you. You must procure yourself the rest with your
+Sword." The which they do, to a pretty considerable Tune, by spoiling of
+the Turks. After they make their Vows, they wear a White Cross or Star,
+with Eight Points, over their Cloaks or Coats, on the Left Side, which
+is the proper Badge of their Order, the Golden Maltese Cross being only
+an Ornament. The ordinary Habit of the Grand Master is a kind of
+Cassock, open before, and tied about him with a Girdle, at which hangs a
+Purse, alluding to the Charitable ends of their Order;--but 'tis not to
+be denied that they have grown very Proud, and Live, many of 'em, in as
+Shameful Luxury as the Prince Bishops of Germany. Over his Cassock the
+Grand Master wears a Velvet Gown or Cloak when he goes to Church on
+Solemn Festivals. He is addressed under the Title of Eminence by all the
+Knights; but his Subjects of Malta, and the Neighbouring Islands, style
+him Your Highness. As Sovereign, he coins Money, pardons Criminals, and
+bestows the places of Grand Priors, Bailiffs, &c.; but in most cases of
+importance is obliged to seek the advice of his Council, so that he is
+not wholly Absolute. The Ecclesiastics proper of the Order--for the rest
+are but Military Monks, that do a great deal more Fighting than Praying,
+and savour much more of the Camp than of the Convent--are Chaplains,
+Monastic Clerks, and Deacons. They likewise wear a White Cross, partake
+of the Privileges of the Institution, and are great Rascals.
+
+'Tis well known that the Knights of Malta are destined to the Profession
+of Arms for the Defence of the Christian Faith, and the Protection of
+Pilgrims of all Nations. It is to be observed, that there are also
+Female Hospitallers of the Order of St. John, sometimes called
+Chevalières, or She-Knights, of equal Antiquity with the Knights, whose
+business it is to take care of the Women Pilgrims in a Hospital apart
+from that of the Men. As the Order look upon the Turks as the Great
+Enemies of Christianity, they think themselves obliged to be in a state
+of perpetual Hostility with that people, and, for Centuries, have never
+so much as signed the preliminaries of a Peace with 'em. They have
+performed innumerable and astonishing exploits against their much-hated
+Enemies, the Insolence of whose Rovers they continue to Restrain and
+Chastise, except when the Rovers, as sometimes happens, get the better
+of 'em. They have Seven Galleys belonging to the Order, each of which
+carries Five Hundred Men, and as many Wretches in Fetters tugging away
+at the Oar, for Dear Life. Every one of these Galleys mounts Sixteen
+Pieces of Heavy Artillery; and besides these they fit out a great many
+Private Ships, by license from the Grand Master, to cruise up and down
+among the Turks, doing great Havoc, and thereby growing very Rich. Thus
+it will be plain to the Reader that a Knight of Malta is a kind of
+Medley of Seaman, Swashbuckler, and Saint--Admiral Benbow, Field-Marshal
+Wade, and Friar Tuck all rolled up into one.
+
+I did become acquainted with one of these Holy Roystering Cavalieros,
+by the name of Don Ercolo Amadeo Sparafucile di San Lorenzo, that was a
+perfect Model of all these Characteristics. He Confessed with almost as
+great regularity as he Sinned. The Chaplains must have held him as one
+of the heartiest of Penitents; for he never came back from a Cruise
+without a whole Sackful of Misdeeds, and straightway hied him to St.
+John's Church, to fling his Sinful Ballast overboard and lighten ship.
+How he swore! I never heard a man take the entrails of Alexander the
+Great in vain before; but this was an ordinary expletive with Don
+Ercolo. He belonged to the Italian Language, though I suspected he had a
+dash of the Spanish in him; and many a Gay Bout over the choicest of
+Wines have I had with him at his Inn, as their College-halls are
+sometimes called. He could drink like a Fish, and fight like a Paladin.
+He was a good Practical Sailor and Master of Navigation; Rode with ease
+and dexterity; and was a Proficient in that most difficult trick of the
+_Manège_, that of riding a horse _en Biais_, as the French term it, and
+of which our Newcastle has learnedly treated; was an admirable Performer
+on the Guitar and Viol di Gamba; Sung very sweetly; Fenced exquisitely;
+must have been in his Youth (he was now about Sixty, and his Hair was
+grizzled grey) as Beautiful as a Woman, as Graceful as my Sweet
+Protectress Lilias, as Brave as the Cid, and as Cruel as Pedro of Spain.
+As it is so long ago, and the Principal Parties in the Affair are all
+Dead, I don't mind disclosing that my Instructions from his Eminence the
+Cardinal were to Buy the Cavaliere di San Lorenzo at any Price. I told
+him so plainly over a Flask of Right Alicant, at a little Feast I had
+made for him in return for his many Hospitalities, and gave him to
+understand that he had but to say the word, and Scroppa, the great
+Goldsmith of Strada Reale, would be glad to cash his Draft for any Sum
+under Fifty Thousand Ducats. For his Eminence wanted the Cavaliere to be
+a Friend of France, and France at that time thought that she very much
+wanted the Island of Malta.
+
+Don Ercolo was not in the least angry; only, he Laughed in my Face.
+
+"Chevalier Escarbotin," he said gaily, "you have mistaken your man. Tell
+his Eminence the Cardinal de ---- that he may go and hang himself. I am
+not to be bought. I am Rich to Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand ounces of
+Gold, all got out of spoiling the Infidels. When I die, I shall leave
+half to the Order, and half to the families of certain Poor Women
+Creatures whom I have wronged, and who are Dead."
+
+I said, to appease him, that I was but Joking.
+
+"Ta, ta, ta!" retorts he. "I know your Trade well enough. I have been
+too much among men not to be able to scent out a Spy. But you are a very
+Jovial Fellow, Escarbotin; and I don't care what you are, so long as you
+are not a Turk, which, by the way, I don't think you would mind
+turning."
+
+"O, Signore Cavaliere!"--I began to expostulate.
+
+"What does it matter?" quoth Don Ercolo. "Does it matter anything at
+all? Perhaps some of these days, when I am tired of the Eight Points, I
+shall take the Turban myself."
+
+"A Renegado!" I cried.
+
+"Many a brave Gentleman has turned Renegado ere this," answered he.
+"Next to the pleasure of Fighting the Turks, I should esteem the
+condition of being a Turk myself, and fighting against the Order of
+Malta. But I forgot. You are a Lutheran; although how you came to be a
+Protestant, with that name of Escarbotin, I can't make out."
+
+I murmured something about belonging to the Reformed Church at Geneva;
+although I forgot that they were mostly Calvinists there, not Lutherans.
+But of this Don Ercolo took little notice, and went on.
+
+"When you write to the Cardinal, tell him that Ercolo Amadeo Sparafucile
+di San Lorenzo is not to be purchased. The sly old Fox! He knows I have
+great influence with my Uncle the Grand Master. Tell him that I am very
+much obliged to him for his Offer, and thank him for old Acquaintance'
+sake. Nay; I believe I am some kind of Kinsman of his Eminence, on the
+Mother's side. But assure him that I am not in the least Angry with him.
+If I were Poor, I should probably accept his Offer; but none of the Poor
+Knights of our Order are worth Buying. It matters little to me whether
+France, or Spain, or even Heretic England gets hold of this scorching
+Rock, with its Swarms of Hussies and Rascals; only I prefer amusing
+myself, and fighting the Turks, to meddling in Politics, and running the
+risk of a life-long dungeon in the Castle of St. Elmo."
+
+There was a long Silence after this, and he seemed plunged in profound
+Meditation. Suddenly he fills a Cup with Wine, drains it, and, in his
+old careless manner, says to me,
+
+"Tell him this--be sure to tell him, lest he should be at the trouble of
+sending Emissaries to Poison me--I have the best Antidote of any in the
+Levant, and shall take three drops of it after every Bite and Sup for
+Six Months to come. Not that I dread you. All Spy as you are, you still
+look like an Honest Fellow. _You_ would not poison an old Friend, would
+you, Little JACK DANGEROUS?"
+
+I started to my feet, and stared at the grizzled, handsome Knight in
+blank amazement. We had been conversing in the French tongue; but the
+latter part of his Speech he had uttered in mine own English, and with a
+faultless accent. Moreover, where before had I heard that Voice, had I
+seen that Face? My Memory rolled back over the hills and valleys of
+years; but the Mountains were too high, and the Recesses behind them
+inaccessible without Mental Climbing, for which I was not prepared.
+
+"Little Jack Dangerous," continued the grizzled Knight, "where have you
+been these Seven-and-thirty Years? When I knew you first, you were but a
+poor little Runaway Schoolboy, and I was a Tearing Fellow in the Flush
+and Pride of my hot Youth."
+
+"A Runaway Schoolboy!" I stammered.
+
+"Ay! had you not fled from the Tyranny of one Gnawbit?"
+
+"I remember Gnawbit well," I answered, with a shudder.
+
+"Do you remember Charlwood Chase, and the Blacks that were wont to kill
+Venison there?"
+
+"I do."
+
+"And Mother Drum, and Cicely, and Jowler, and the Night Attack, and how
+near you were being hanged? Do you remember Captain Night?"
+
+A Light broke in upon me. I recognised my earliest Protector. I seized
+his Hand. I was fairly blubbering, and would have rushed into his Arms;
+but there was something Cold and Haughty in his Manner that repulsed me.
+
+"'Tis well," he said. "I am a Knight of the most Illustrious Order of
+St. John of Jerusalem, and an Italian Cavalier of Degree. You----"
+
+"I am a Spy," I cried out half-sobbing. "What was I to do? My Malignant
+Fate hath ever been against me. I am despicable in your Eyes, but not
+so despicable as I am in mine own."
+
+"There, there," he cries out, very placably. "There's no great harm
+done, and there's much of a muchness between us. When you first came
+across me, was I not stealing the King's Deer in Charlwood Chase,
+besides being in trouble--I don't mind owning to you now--on account of
+King James? 'Twixt you, Jack Dangerous, Flibustier, Saltabadil, and Spy,
+and Captain Night, now called Don Ercolo et cetera, et cetera di San
+Lorenzo, and a Knight of Malta, there is not much, perhaps, to choose.
+The World hath its strange Ups and Downs, and we must e'en make the best
+of them. Sit you down, Jack Dangerous, and we will have t'other Flask."
+
+We had t'other Flask, and very good Wine it was; and for the rest of the
+time I remained in Malta, Don Ercolo continued to be my Fast Friend,
+even as he had been in my Youth. And yet 'twas mainly through his
+Instrumentality that I quitted the Island; for he sent his Page to me
+with a Letter, written in our own dear English Tongue, in the which he
+instantly desired me, as I valued my Life and the Interests of my
+Employers, to put the Broad Seas between myself and the Grand Master;
+for that an Inkling of my Errand had got wind, and that the Party
+unfavourable to France being then uppermost, I ran immediate risk of
+being cast into a Dungeon, if not Hanged. For this Reason, said Don
+Ercolo, he must forbear any further Commerce with me (not wishing to
+draw Suspicion on himself, for the Knights are very jealous in Political
+Affairs); but he assured me of his continued Friendship, and desired if
+I stood in Need of any Funds for my Journey, to inform the Page, that he
+might furnish me secretly with what Gold I needed. But I wanted nothing
+in this way, having ample Credits; so making up my Valises with all
+convenient Speed, the Chevalier Escarbotin bade adieu to Malta.
+
+I took a passage in a Speronare that was bound to Candia, where I hoped
+to find some Trading Vessel of heavier Burden to take me to
+Constantinople. The Mediterranean Sea here very beautiful, and
+delightful to see the Dolphins, Tunnies, and other Fish, that frequently
+leapt out of the Water, and followed our Ship in great Numbers. Also a
+Waterspout, which is a Phenomenon very well known to Seamen in the
+Levant Trade, and reckoned very dangerous. It looked mighty Fierce and
+Terrific; and our Sailors, to conjure it away, had recourse to the
+Superstitious Devices of cutting the air with a Black-Handled Knife, and
+reading the First Chapter of St. John's Gospel, accounted of great
+Efficacy in dispersing these Spouts.
+
+Woe is me! After Six Days' most pleasant Sailing, and after doubling
+Cape Spada, and in very sight of Canea (which is the Port of Candia), a
+strange Sail hove in Sight, gave Chase, came up to us an hour before
+sundown, and without as much as, By your leave, or With your leave,
+opened Fire upon us. A Couple of Swingeers from her Double-shotted Guns
+were a Bellyful for our poor little Speronare, in which there were but
+Ten Men and a Boy, Passengers included; and we were fain to submit. Oh,
+the intolerable Shame and Disgrace! that Jack Dangerous, who had been
+All Round the World with that Renowned Commander, Captain Blokes, and
+had Chased, Taken, and Plundered many a good tall ship belonging to the
+Spaniards,--ay, and had landed on their Main, Spoiled their Cities and
+Settlements, Toasted their fine Ladies, and held their Chief Governors
+to Ransom,--should be laid in the Bilboes by a Rascally African Pirate
+Vessel mounting Nine Guns, and belonging to the most Heathenish,
+Knavish, and Bloodthirsty Town of Algiers. My Gall works now to think of
+it; but Force was against us, and the Disaster was not to be helped. I
+was in such a Mad Rage as to be near Braining the Captain of the
+Speronare with a Marline-Spike, and would have assuredly blown out the
+Brains of the first Moor that boarded us, had not the Italian Captain
+and his Mate seized each one of my arms, and by Main Force wrested my
+Weapons from me. And in this (though hotly enraged with 'em at first,
+and calling them all kinds of Abusive Epithets) I think they acted less
+like Traitors than like Persons of Sense and Discretion; for what were
+we Ten (and the Boy) against full Fifty powerful Devils, all armed to
+the Teeth, and who would assuredly have cut all our Throats had we shown
+the least Resistance?
+
+So they had their Will of us, and we were all made Prisoners,
+preparatory to undergoing the worse Fate of Slaves. Vain now, indeed,
+were all his Eminence's Secret Precautions about the Concealment of
+Missives; for these Rascal Moors made no more ado, but stripped us of
+every Rag of Clothing, ripping up the Seams thereof, and examining our
+very Hair, in quest of Gold and Jewels. The Boatswain, however, that was
+appointed to search me, after taking from me all my Stock of Money,
+which was Considerable, returned to me the famous Bit of Parchment
+between the Glasses, which was to bear me Harmless against the Claws of
+Holy Mother Church if she happened to turn Tiger-Cat; for these
+Mahometans have a profound respect for Charms and Amulets, and very
+like he took this for one, which could be no good to him, an Infidel,
+but might serve a Frank at a pinch. There was another Article, too,
+which he restored to me, after Examination, and of which I have hitherto
+made no mention. What was this but a little Portrait of my Beloved
+Protectress, which I carried with me next my Heart? Not that I had ever
+ventured to be so bold as to Ask her for such a pledge, or that she had
+been complaisant enough to give it me; but while I was in Paris there
+had been limned by the great French Painter, Monsieur Boucher, a Picture
+of one of the Opera Ballets, not Orpheus's Story, but something out of
+Homer's Poetry,--_Ulysse chez Alcinous_, I think 'twas called,--and this
+Picture contained very Life-like Effigies of all the Dancers that stood
+in the front rank, of whom my sweet Mistress Lilias was one. From this
+an Engraving in the Line Manner was made, which was put forth by the
+Print-sellers just before I left Paris; and I declare I gave a Louis
+d'Or, and Ten Livres, Twelve Sols, for a Copy, and cutting out the
+Pictured Head of my Protectress with a sharp Penknife, had it pasted
+down and framed in a Golden Locket. When the Boatswain saw this, he
+Grinned, till the Turban round his tawny Head might have been taken for
+a Horse-collar. He wrenched the Portrait out of its Frame, and put the
+Gold among the heap of Plunder that was gathered, for after division, on
+the Deck, and was then about to throw the dear Bit of Paper into the
+Sea,--for these Moors think it Sinful to portray the Human Countenance
+in any way,--but I besought him so Earnestly, both by Signs and
+supplicatory Gestures, and even, I believe, Tears, to restore it to me,
+that he desisted; and putting his Finger to his Lips, as a Hint that I
+was not to reveal his Clemency to his Commander, gave me back my
+precious Portrait. He would have, however, the fine Chain I wore round
+my Neck; so I was fain to make an Opening between the two Sheets of
+Glass that covered my Amulet, and push in the Portrait, face downwards;
+and the two together I hung to a bit of slender Lanyard. But all my
+brave Clothes were taken from me, and in an Hour after my Capture I was
+Bare-footed, and with no other Apparel than a Ragged Shirt and a Pair of
+Drawers of Canvas. To this Accoutrement was speedily added about
+Twenty-one Pounds of Fetters on the Wrists and Ankles; and then I, and
+the Captain, and the Mate, and the Men, and the Boy, were put into a
+Boat and taken on board the Algerine, where we were flung into the Hold,
+and had nothing better to eat for many days than Mouldy Biscuit and
+Bilge-Water. The Cargo of the Speronare was mostly Crockery-ware and
+Household Stuff, for the use of the Candiotes; and the Moors would not
+be at the trouble of Removing, so they Scuttled her, and bore away to
+the Norrard.
+
+_Item._--I swallowed my Despatches; but the Moors got hold of my Letters
+of Credit and my Cipher.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE EIGHTH.
+
+AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS BECOMES BESTUSCHID
+BASHAW.
+
+
+SO we were all taken into Algiers. 'Tis called "The Warlike" by that
+proud People, the Turks; but with much more Reason, I think, should it
+be named "The Thievish." Out upon the Robbers' Den! This most abominable
+Place, which has, during so many Ages, braved the Resentment of the most
+powerful Princes of Christendom, is said to contain above 100,000
+Mahometans,--among them not above Thirty Renegadoes,--15,000 Jews, and
+4000 Christian Slaves. 'Tis full of Mosques and other Heathenish places
+of Worship, and is strongly Fortified, both towards the Sea and the
+Land. The Ship that took us was a Brigantine; and they have nigh a
+Hundred of 'em (besides Rowboats), mounting from Ten to Fifty Guns, with
+which they ravage the Trade of Europe. There is little within the City
+that is Curious, save the Dogs, which are very abundant, and very Fierce
+and Nasty. The Street Bab-Azoun is full of Shops, and Jews dealing in
+Gems and Goldsmiths' Work. The Hills and Valleys round the City are
+every where beautified with Gardens and Country Seats, whither the
+Wealthy Turks retire during the Heats of Summer. Some of the Wild
+Bedoween Tribes up the country go Bare-headed, binding their Temples
+only with a Fillet to prevent their hair growing troublesome. But the
+Moors and Turks in Algiers wear on the Crowns of their Heads a small Cap
+of Scarlet Woollen Cloth, that is made at Fez. The Turban is folded
+round the bottom of these Caps, and by the fashion of the folds you can
+tell the Soldiers from the Citizens. The Arabs wear a loose Garment
+called a Hyke, which serves them as a complete Dress by Day, and a Bed
+and Coverlet by Night. 'Tis observable that when the Moorish Women
+appear in Public, they constantly fold themselves so close up in their
+Hykes that very little of their Faces can be seen; but in the Summer
+Months, when they retire to their Country Seats, they walk about with
+less Caution and Reserve, and, at the approach of a Stranger, only let
+fall their Veils.
+
+What became of the Master and Crew of the Speronare I know not. They
+were but Weakly Creatures; and I conjecture were sold off into private
+Hands and sent up the country. Now, although I was past the Middle Age,
+and indeed drifting into years, I was still of Unbowed Stature and great
+Strength, and a Personable Fellow, hardened in the furnace of Danger and
+Adventure. This led to my being reserved from the public Slave-Market
+for the Dey of Algiers' own use. Woe is me, again! The Distinction
+profited me little, for it merely amounted to my being made Stroke-oar
+of the third row of the Dey's State-barge, or Galleasse. Imagine me now,
+in a Tunic and Drawers of Scarlet Serge, and a White Turban round my
+Head to keep me from Sun-stroke, chained by the Ankles to a bench, and
+with an Iron Collar round my Neck, from which another Chain passed to a
+Bar running fore and aft the whole length of the Galleasse. Between the
+benches of Rowers runs a narrow Planking; and up and down this
+continually patrols a great Tawny Ruffian of a Moorish Boatswain, armed
+with a Whip of Rhinoceros Hide, which, with a Will, he lays on to the
+Shoulders of those who do not tug hard enough at the Oar. Miserable and
+fallen as was my state, I did yet manage to evade the crowning
+Degradation of Stripes; for, being a Man used to the Sea, and full of
+Courageous Activity, I got through my toil so as to make it impossible
+for my Superiors to find fault with me; and besides, in a few words of
+Lingua Franca that I picked up, I gave the Boatswain to understand that
+if he ever hit me with his Rhinoceros Thong, I should take the earliest
+opportunity of Strangling him. As for our Food, 'twas mainly Beans, and
+in the morning a Mess of boiled Maize they call Couscoussou, with some
+villanous Rank Butter, melted, poured over it. And sometimes the Carcass
+of a Sheep that had died of Disease was given to us. But whatever we had
+was eaten on our benches, and the Cook of the Galleasse passed up and
+down the planking to serve out the Rations. We Ate on our benches, we
+Slept on our benches, and some of us died on our benches. There were
+Ninety-two Christian Slaves on board the Dey's Galleasse, and Twelve on
+my Bench. Being Stroke-oar, I was spared the continual contemplation of
+a Man's back in front of me, which other Slaves have told me makes you
+so mad that you want to Bite him; but 'twas scarcely less Vexatious to
+have behind, as I had, a Chattering Fellow of a Frenchman, for ever
+jabbering forth his complaints, and not bearing them with the surly
+Dignity of a Briton. I could almost _hear_ this fellow grimace; and he
+was never tired of bemoaning his bygone happy state as a Hairdresser's
+Journeyman in the Rue St. Honoré at Paris. "Why did a Vain Ambition
+prompt me to journey from Marseilles to Constantinople?" cried he about
+Fifty times a day. "Why did I rely on the protection of my Wife's
+Cousin, who gave me recommendations to his brother, Cook-in-Chief to the
+Ambassador of France at the court of the Antique Byzantium (_l'antique
+Byzance_)? Where is my Wife? Where is my Wife's Cousin? They are
+drinking the wine of Ramponneau; they are dancing at the Barriers. Oh,
+my Cocotte! where is my Cocotte?"
+
+"Hang your Cocotte!" I used to cry out in a rage. "'Tis bad enough to be
+mewed up here like a Bear in a pit, without being worried by a
+counfounded Barber's Clerk!"
+
+I had been Tugging at the Oar full Six Months, when a change came over
+my lamentable Lot. The Dey of Algiers was at this time one Mahomet
+Bassa, a very Bold, Fierce, Fighting Man, but of the meanest Extraction,
+and one, indeed, that had been no more than a common Soldier, from which
+he had sprung to be, by turns, Oda-Bashee or Lieutenant, Bullock-Bashee
+or Captain, Tiah-Bashee or Colonel, and Aga or General. For among these
+strange people every valiant and aspiring Soldier,--I wish 'twas so in
+England,--though taken yesterday from the Plough, may be considered as
+Heir-Apparent to the Throne. Nor are they ashamed of the obscurity of
+their birth. This Mahomet Bassa, in a dispute he once had with the
+Spanish Consul, said: "My mother sold Sheep's Trotters, and my father
+Neat's Tongues; but they would have been ashamed to expose for sale on
+their stalls a Tongue so worthless as thine." Mahomet Bassa was, like
+most of the Turks, a man of Pleasure, and his Harem was furnished with
+an extraordinary number of choice Beauties.
+
+His Highness (as he is called), happening to single me out from the rest
+of the Slaves on board of the Galleasse, and being told that I was
+English--for equally in hopes of Bettering my Condition, and for the
+purpose of keeping Secret my Employment with his Eminence, I had avowed
+myself to be of that Nation--ordered me to be released from my Chains,
+and brought before him at the Divan. Through his Interpreter, a cunning
+Rogue from Corfu, who spoke most Languages indifferently well, he asked
+me who I was, and how I came to be aboard the Speronare. I answered,
+conveniently mixing fact with fiction, that I had been a Captain by Sea
+and Land in the Service of the King of England; that I had earned a good
+deal of Prize-Money; had retired from Active Duties, being now nigh upon
+Fifty years of Age, and was taking my pleasure by voyaging in a part of
+Europe with which I had hitherto been little acquainted. This Answer
+seemed to satisfy him pretty well; although he was very curious to know
+whether I had any Kindred in the Island of Malta, or any foregathering
+among the Knights. Fortunately for me the Interpreter, to whom I had
+given a hint of ultimate Reward, deposed that I could not speak twenty
+words of Maltese (which is a kind of Bastard Italian); and he told me
+that if it had been discovered that I was in any way Connected with the
+Order, I should surely have been Impaled; the Dey being then in a
+towering rage with the Knights, one of whose commanders had just
+captured one of his finest Brigantines, and Dressed Ship, as he
+humorously put it, by hanging every Man-Jack of the Crew at the
+Yard-arm, and the Algerine Captain at the Mizen. The Dey then asked me
+if I had any Friends who I thought would pay my Ransom, the which he
+placed at the Moderate Computation of Four Thousand Gold Achmedies
+(about Fifteen Hundred Pounds sterling). I answered, that I thought I
+could raise about half that Sum, if I were allowed to communicate with
+one Monsieur Foscue, a Banker at Marseilles, upon whom I had--or rather
+my Captors had--a Letter of Credit, which they had taken from me. But by
+Ill-luck this Letter of Credit could not be found. The Captain and Crew
+of the Rover that took the Speronare were all well bastinadoed about it,
+but no Letter was forthcoming; and I am more inclined to think that it
+was thrown, in sheer Ignorance, overboard, than that it was Embezzled.
+However, as 'twas not to be discovered, the Dey began to look upon me
+as an Impostor; but I earnestly represented to the Interpreter that, if
+I had time to write to Monsieur Foscue, all would be right. This I had
+his Highness's gracious permission to do, and meanwhile was to remain a
+Slave; but was not sent back to the Galleys. Being a Strong Fellow, and
+professing to know something about Gardening--Lord help me! I had never
+touched a Spade ten times in my Life--I was sent to work in his
+Highness's Gardens at the Castle of Sitteet-ako-Leet. As for my Letter,
+I penned it in as good French as I could muster, begging Monsieur Foscue
+to communicate at once with his Eminence, telling him how I had been
+captured, and that my Letter of Credit had been taken from me, and of
+the Sorry Plight I was now in. I was given to understand that from Six
+to Nine Months must pass by before I could expect an Answer; for that
+Safe Conducts to Christian Packets between Algiers and Marseilles were
+only granted thrice a year, and the last was but just departed.
+Whereupon I resigned myself to my Captivity, hoping for Better Days.
+
+The Head Gardener of the Dey was an old Renegado German, named Baupwitz,
+who tried hard to convert me to the Mussulman Faith. But in addition to
+my stanch Attachment to the Protestant Religion, I could see that the
+State and Condition of the few Renegados in Algiers was very mean and
+miserable, and that they were despised alike by Turks, Moors, Arabs,
+Bedoweens, and Jews. And, indeed, what good had Baupwitz done himself by
+turning Paynim? Thus much I put to him plainly; at which the Old Man was
+angered, and for some days used me very spitefully; when the Dey, coming
+to the Castle, took it into his head to have me brought back to Algiers,
+and enrolled among his Musicians as a Player upon the Cymbals. I declare
+that although able to troll out a Stave now and then, I could not so
+much as Whistle "God save the King;" but I managed to clash my two
+Saucepan-Lids or Cymbals together and to make a Noise, which is all the
+Turks care for, they having no proper Ear for Music. As one of his
+Highness's Musicians, I was dressed very grandly, with a monstrous
+Turban all covered with Gold Spangles and Silk Tassels; but I had a
+Collar of Silver riveted round my Neck, and Silver Shackles round my
+Ancles, and Silver Manacles round my Wrists; and was still a Slave.
+
+The rest of the Musicians were either Black Negroes or Cophtic
+Christians, and they used me with Decent Civility; nor did the Master of
+the Musicians--otherwise a most cruel Moor--go out of his way to flout,
+much less smite me with his Rattan. If he had dared but to lay one
+Stripe upon me, I would have sprang upon the Wretch and dashed out his
+Brains with my Cymbals, even if I had been put upon the Pale for it half
+an hour afterwards.
+
+Lodged in the Guard-house at the Dey's Palace, with pretty abundant
+Rations, and some few Piastres daily to buy Wine (I being a Frank) and
+Tobacco, and pretty well treated by the Colologlies, or Moorish
+Soldiers, I did not pass such a very bad time of it; and when off Duty,
+had liberty to go about the City and Suburbs pretty much as I chose. And
+I was a hundred times better off than the Moslem Slaves are at Malta.
+
+These Algerines are an Uncouth, Savage People; and the Turkish Despotism
+has quite destroyed that security and Liberty which of old gave birth
+and encouragement to Learning: hence the knowledge of Medicine,
+Philosophy, and the Mathematics, which once so flourished among the
+Arabs, is now almost entirely lost. The Children of the Moors and Turks
+are sent to School at about Six years old, where they are taught to Read
+and Write for the value of about a Penny a week of our Money. Instead of
+Paper or a Slate, each boy has a piece of thin square Board, slightly
+daubed over with Whiting; on this he makes his Letters, which may be
+wiped off or renewed at pleasure. Having made some progress in the
+Koran, he is initiated into the Ceremonies and Mysteries of the
+Mahometan Religion; and when he has distinguished himself in any of
+these branches of Learning, he is Richly Dressed, mounted on a Horse
+finely Caparisoned, and paraded, amidst the Huzzas of his
+School-fellows, through the Streets; while his Friends and Relations
+assemble to congratulate his Parents, and load him with Toys and
+Sweetmeats. And this Observance answers to our Western Rite of
+Confirmation. But after being three or four years at School, the Boys
+are put 'Prentice to Trades or enrolled in the Army, where they very
+speedily forget all they have learnt.
+
+Though such bold Sailors, the Algerines are very despicable as
+Navigators. Their chief Astronomer, Muley Hamet Ben Daoud, when I was
+there, who superintended and regulated the Hours of Prayer by the Moon
+and Stars, had not the skill to make a Sundial; and in Navigation they
+cannot get beyond Pricking of a Chart, and distinguishing the Eight
+principal Points of the Compass. Even Chemistry, which was once the
+favourite Science of these people, is at present only applied to the
+Distilling of a little Rose-water. The Physicians chiefly study the
+Spanish Translation of Dioscorides (that was a Learned Leech in Olden
+Times); but the Figures of the Plants and Animals are more consulted
+than the Descriptions: yet are these Knaves naturally Subtle and
+Ingenious; wanting nothing but Application and Patronage to cultivate
+and improve their Faculties. They are for the most part Predestinarians,
+and pay little regard to Physic, either leaving the Disorder to contend
+with Nature, or making use of Charms and Incantations. They, however,
+resort to the Hammam, or Hot Bagnio (a great Sweating-bath, and a
+sovereign Remedy for most Distempers), and have a few Specifics in
+general use. Thus, in Pleurisy and the Rheumatics they make several
+Punctures on the part affected with a Red-hot Needle; and into simple
+Gun-shot Wounds they pour Fresh Butter almost boiling hot. The Prickly
+Pear roasted in Ashes is applied to Bruises, Swellings, and
+Inflammations; and a dram or two of the Round Birthwort is esteemed the
+best remedy in the world for the Choler. But few Compound Medicines;
+only, for that dreadful scourge the Plague (from which Lord deliver all
+Men not being Heathens!), they commonly use a Mixture of Myrrh, Saffron,
+Aloes, and Syrup of Myrtle-berries,--which does not hinder 'em from
+dying like Sheep with the Rot.
+
+There are no Public Clocks here; those contrivances, with Bells, being
+held an Impious Aping of Providence. And the only way you have of
+telling the Time is by the Fellows up in the Minarets calling 'em to
+Prayers. Some of the rich Agas have Watches, bought or stolen out of
+Europe; but they are usually spoilt by the Women of the Harem playing
+with 'em. The Dey's principal Wife, Zoraïde Khanum, is said to have
+boiled a large Gold Chronometer, made by Silvain of Paris, with Cream
+and Sweet Almonds. Yet does a remnant of their Ancestors' old skill in
+Arithmetic and Algebra linger among 'em; for whereas not One in Twenty
+Thousand can do an Equation (and Captain Blokes taught me, and I have
+since forgotten How), yet the Merchants are frequently very dexterous in
+Reckoning by Memory, and have also a singular method of Numeration, by
+putting their hands into each other's Sleeves, and touching one another
+with this or that Finger, or a particular joint, each standing for a
+determined Sum or Number. Thus, without ere moving their lips,--and your
+Mussulman has a wholesome horror of squandering Words,--they conclude
+Bargains of the Greatest Value.
+
+None of the Women think themselves completely Adorned till they have
+tinged the Lashes and the edges of their Eyelids with the powder of
+Lead-Ore. This they do by dipping a Bodkin of the thickness of a Quill
+into the Powder, and dragging it under the Eyelids. This gives their
+Eyes a Sooty colour, but is thought to add a Wonderful Grace to their
+Complexions. And was not this that which Jezebel did in the Ancient
+Time?[C] The Old Custom of plighting their Troth by drinking out of
+each other's Hand is the only Ceremony used by the Algerines at their
+Marriages. The Bridegroom may put away his Wife whenever he pleases,
+upon the forfeiture of the Dowry he has settled upon her; but he cannot
+afterwards take her again until she has been Re-married and Divorced
+from another Man. After all, the Wives are only held as a better class
+of Servants, that when their Toil is over become Toys. The greater part
+of the Moorish Women would be esteemed Beauties even in England, and as
+Children they have the finest Complexions in the World; but at Thirty
+they become Wrinkled Old Women. For a Girl is often a Mother at Eleven,
+and a Grandmother at Twenty-two; and their Lives being generally as long
+as Europeans, these Matrons often live to see Children of many
+Generations. They are desperately Superstitious, and hang the Figure of
+an Open Hand round the Necks of their Children; and never an Algerine
+Pirate goes out of Port without such a Hand painted on the Stern, as a
+counter Charm to an Evil Eye. Truly there are some Christian Folks not
+much less foolish in their Superstitions; and Rich and Poor among the
+Neapolitans carry a forked bit of Coral about with them, to conjure away
+this same Evil Eye, which they call _Gettatura_.
+
+They have a kind of Monks called Marabutts, who are supposed to lead an
+Austere Life, and pass their lives in counting a Chaplet of Ninety-nine
+Beads; but who are, in truth, Impudent Beggars, Thieves, and
+Profligates. And this is pretty well the Character of the whole body of
+Algerines, from the Dey in his Palace to his Father who sells Sheep's
+Trotters. There are a few Grave People, in no constant Employ (that it
+is to say, they have made their fortunes by Murder and Piracy, and are
+now Retired), who spend the day, either in conversing with one another
+at the Barber's Shops, or at the Bazaars and Coffee-houses. But the
+greater part of the Moorish and Turkish Youth are the wildest of
+Gallants and Roysterers, and waste their time in the most unseemly
+Fandangoes.
+
+_Item._--These Marabutts are no better than the Mountebanks I have seen
+at the Carnival of Venice or at Southwark Fair. One Seedy Mustapha tells
+me that a neighbouring Marabutt had a solid Iron Bar, which, upon
+command, would give the same Report and do as much Mischief as a Piece
+of Cannon. At Seteef, too, there was one famous for Vomiting Fire; but
+the Renegado Baupwitz, who had seen him, assured me 'twas all a trick;
+that his Mouth did certainly seem to be all in a Blaze, while he
+counterfeited Violent Agony; but that on close inspection it appeared
+that the Flames and Smoke with which he was surrounded arose from Tow
+and Sulphur, which he had contrived to kindle under his Hyke. The most
+commendable thing I can find in the Algerine Character is the great
+respect they pay to their Dead. They don't cram 'em into stifling little
+Graveyards in the midst of crowded towns, as we do, to our injury and
+shame; but have large Burial-grounds, at a good distance from their
+towns and villages. Each Family has a particular Part, walled in like a
+garden, where the Bones of their Ancestors have remained undisturbed for
+many generations. The Graves are all distinct and separate, and the
+space between as planted with Beautiful Flowers, bordered round with
+Stone, or paved over with Tiles. The Graves of the Great People are
+likewise distinguished by Square Rooms with Cupolas built over them,
+which, being kept constantly clean, whitewashed, and beautified,
+nevertheless continue like the hypocrites, and are but Sepulchres full
+within of nothing but Dead Men's Bones.
+
+It happened one fine Autumnal Afternoon, that, my Services as
+Cymbal-Player not being required until the Dey's Supper after Evening
+Prayers, I was wandering for mere Amusement in some of the
+least-frequented Streets of the City; which are here, for the sake of
+Shade, mere narrow Lanes, without any Pavement but Dust, and without a
+Door or Window from twenty yards to twenty yards. In fact they are but
+Passages between almost dead walls; the Houses themselves generally
+standing in the midst of the Gardens. Now I quitted the Street of
+Baba-zoun by the Street of the Shroffs, or Money-changers, designing to
+reach the Gate of the River; but the Streets are all so much alike that
+I lost my Way, and went blundering on from one Lane into another, till I
+almost despaired of finding my Road back again. I should be too late for
+the Dey's Supper, thought I; and although Jack Dangerous was never given
+to Trembling, I began to feel very uncomfortable concerning the Notice
+that Mahomet Bassa, who was never known to have Pity on any Human Being,
+Man, Woman, or Child, might take of my Absence. For these accursed
+Algerines are most cruel in their Punishments. Trials are very swift,
+and Sentence is always executed within half an hour afterwards. Small
+Offences are punished with the Bastinado, or the Rhinoceros Whip. For
+Clipping or Debasing the Public Coin the old Egyptian punishment of
+cutting off the Hands is inflicted, although the Dey, in one of his
+Furies, has been known to have the Base Money melted and poured down the
+Coiner's Throat. If a Jew or a Christian is guilty of Murder, he is
+Burnt alive without the gates of the City; but for the same Crime the
+Moors and Arabs are either Impaled, hung up by the Neck over the
+Battlements of the City, or thrown upon Hooks fixed upon the Walls,
+below, where they sometimes hang in Dreadful Torments for Thirty and
+Forty hours together before they Expire. The Turks, however, out of
+respect for their Characters, are sent to the Aga's house, where they
+are either Bastinadoed or Strangled; and when the Women offend, they are
+not exposed to the populace, but are sent to a private House of
+Correction; or, if the Crime be Capital, they are sewn up in a Sack,
+carried out to Sea, and Drowned. And for especial Criminals is reserved
+the Extraordinary Barbarous punishment of Sawing Asunder; for which
+purpose they prepare two Boards, of the same length and breadth as the
+Unfortunate Person, and, having tied him betwixt them, begin sawing at
+the Head, and so proceed till he is divided into Halves. 'Tis said that
+Kardinash, a person who was not long since Ambassador at the Court of
+England, suffered in this wise merely for maintaining, in the face of
+the Dey, that the King of Great Britain had only One Wife.
+
+All these Grim Probabilities did I revolve in my mind, as the Sun went
+on sinking, and I could meet nothing but a few Rapscallion Boys that,
+when I strove to stammer out a few words of Arabic to ask my Way,
+laughed and jeered in their Impudent manner, and flung handfuls of Dust
+at me. Just as I was losing all Patience, and determined to Knock at the
+first door I came to, and make my state known at all hazards, there came
+upon me at the corner of a street the Figure of a Woman, Muffled up, as
+'tis their fashion, in her Hyke and Burnouse, so that I could only see
+her Eyes, which were smeared over with the usual Black Stuff, but which
+seemed to have somewhat of a Yellowish Cast. I started, as if she were a
+Ghost just risen from the ground; but indeed she had only just stepped
+out from a little Garden-door, that now stood Ajar. From the folds of
+her White Burnouse now came out a plump Hand, very Glossy, but very
+Black. She first laid her Finger on that part of her Hyke where her
+Mouth might be, to command me to silence; then touched me on the Arm;
+then pointed to a Latticed Window high up in the wall, to give me to
+understand that some one had been Watching me from there; and then
+beckoned me to Follow her. I was wofully perplexed, and, thought I, "The
+Dey will have no Cymbals to his Supper to-night, that's certain." Still,
+it is never to be said that J. D. ever shirked an adventure that
+promised aught of Love or Peril; and had it been into the jaws of a
+Lion, I must have followed the Negro Emissary. After all, I reasoned, I
+was a proper-looking Fellow, although no longer in my First Youth, and
+my hair beginning to whiten somewhat; but Love levels ranks, as my Lord
+Grizzle has it in Tom Thumb; and I was, perhaps, not the first Frank
+Slave who was favoured by a beauteous Moorish Lady. A Moorish Beauty!
+Why, this might be, after all, a Princess, a Sultana, a Turkish Khanum!
+It turned out, however, far differently from what I had expected.
+Following the Slave, we quitted the street and passed through a Porch,
+or Gateway, which the Negress carefully locked after her. We now entered
+upon a Court, with Benches on either side, and paved very handsomely
+with Marble, covered in the middle with a rich Turkey Mat, and sheltered
+from the heat of the weather by a kind of Veil, expanded by Ropes from
+one side of the Parapet-wall, or Lattice of the Flat Roof, to the other.
+So into a little Cloister running round this Court, and up a little
+winding stone Staircase into another Cloister or Upper Gallery. Then at
+a Door all covered with rich Filigree-work in Gold and Colours did the
+Negress knock; and by and by a soft silvery Voice, of which the sound,
+somehow, made me start and tremble much more than that of the Old
+Knight of Malta had done, said a few words in Arabic, and we went in.
+
+I found myself in a large square Apartment, with curious latticed
+Windows, through which the Evening Sunlight came, in the prettiest of
+patterns, and fell, like so many spangles disposed by an artful
+Embroiderer, upon the rich Carpet. A great Divan, or stuffed Bench of
+Crimson Damask, ran all round the room, with many soft pillows and
+shawls upon it; and on this Divan, upon the side opposite the door, sat
+an Eastern Lady, amazingly Dressed. She had laid aside her Hyke, which
+was of white silk gorgeously striped with gold and crimson Bars, and all
+dotted with Bullion Tassels, and sat in a tight-fitting jacket of Red
+Velvet, open in front, where you could see the Bosom of her Snowy Smock
+all blazing with Emeralds and Rubies. I had never seen so many of the
+latter kind of Jewels since the days of my Grandmother, in her Cabinet
+of Relics. Round her Waist was swathed a great Cashmerian Shawl, very
+rich and noble, and with a heavy Fringe; and from among the folds peeped
+out a little Poniard with a jewelled Hilt, and a knife with a Gold and
+Mother-of-pearl Haft to cut her Victuals. She wore loose Trowsers, or
+Drawers, of a very fine spun silk, covered with a raised pattern in gold
+thread, that, as is the custom of the Moorish Women, were fastened at
+the Knee, and then fell in quite a torrent of Drapery down to her
+Ankles, nearly covering her pretty Feet. A sweet Fashion, and very
+Modest. As to the Feet themselves,--the smallest, sure, that mortal
+woman ever had,--I could, rapid as was my survey, see that she wore no
+Hose; but her tiny Toes were thrust into Slippers or Papowshes of blue
+velvet, all heightened and enriched with Gold Orris and Seed Pearls. On
+her head was a dainty little cap, of the Fez Pattern, but of velvet
+instead of cloth, jewelled; and from it hung a monstrous Tassel of Gold,
+which reached half-way down the Back. As for her Hair, it hung very
+nearly down to the ground, being all collected into one Lock, and bound
+and plaited with Ribbons; and being thus adorned, were tied close
+together above the Lock, the several corners of a Kerchief, made of thin
+flexible plates of Gold, cut through, and engraved in imitation of Lace.
+In one hand she held a great Fan, of Peacock's Feathers, with a Mirror
+in the midst; and a handle of Gold, Emeralds, and Agate, that would have
+driven a Duke's-Place Jew crazy to look at; and in the other,--well, you
+know that Oriental Fashions are different from ours, and that the Paynim
+nations have the strangest of Manners and Customs,--I declare that in
+the other Hand--the dexter one--the Lady held the Tube of a
+Tobacco-pipe, the which she was smoking with great Deliberation and
+apparent Relish. But 'twas a very different Pipe to what we are in the
+habit of seeing in England--having a Bowl of fine Red Clay encrusted
+with Gems, a long straight tube of Cherry-wood, and a Mouthpiece of
+Amber studded with Precious Stones. This Pipe they call a Chibook, and
+they smoke it much as we do our common Clay things; but there's another,
+which they call a Nargilly, like the Hubble-bubble smoked by the proud
+Planters in the Dutch East Indies. With the Nargilly, the Smoke passes
+first through Rose-water, to purify it; and after passing through many
+snake-like coils of silk and wire tubing, the Smoker gulps it down
+bodily; so that it goes into his Lungs, and must make them as sooty as a
+foul Chimney. Many of the Turks are so handy at this nasty trick, that
+they can make the Smoke they have swallowed come out of their ears,
+eyes, and nostrils; but I envy them not such Mountebankery, and when I
+smoke my Pipe, am content to Blow a Cloud in a moderate and Christian
+manner.
+
+I have kept you so long describing this Eastern Lady's Dress, that you
+must be growing impatient to know whether her Face matched in
+handsomeness with her Apparel; but there was the Deuce of it; for while
+I stood before her, staring and Wondering over her splendid Habiliments,
+I could catch ne'er a glimpse of her Countenance, which was entirely
+concealed from view by the Veil they call a _Formah_, which is made of
+a very fine gauzy stuff, but painted in body-colour in a pattern so as
+to make it Opaque, and so artfully disposed as to hide the Face without
+shading any of the splendour of the Dress. And though I could not make
+out so much as the tip of the Lady's Nose, I had a queer sensation that
+she was looking at _me_, nay, even that her eyes were twinkling in a
+merry manner under her Veil. And so I remained Dumbfoundered, quite
+uncertain as to the kind of Adventure that had befallen me. Had some
+Moorish or Turkish Dame designed only to Divert herself at the expense
+of a poor Christian Slave? or was the Veiled Lady only some artful
+Adventuress of the Jewish, Armenian, or Cophtic Nation, of whom there
+were many here, affecting great magnificence in their Habits and Living?
+
+Full Ten Minutes had the Lady so gazed upon me, I staring stupidly at
+her, and the Negress continuing to enjoin me to silence by putting her
+finger to her Lips. Then clapping her little hands together (I mean
+that the Lady did, for the Black Woman's were sad Paws), in tumbles from
+a little door at the side of the Divan a Negro Urchin about eight years
+of age, very richly clad, who at her command brings Pipes and Coffee;
+and, signs being made to me, I sat down on a couple of Pillows on the
+Ground, smoked a Chibook, emptied a Cup, not much bigger than an
+egg-shell, of Coffee,--very Bitter and Nauseous here, for they give you
+the Dregs as well as the Liquor,--all the while staring at the Lady as
+though my Eyeballs would have started out of my Head. And by this time
+the Sun had quite gone down, and as there is but little Twilight in
+these parts, the Shade of Evening fell like a great black Pall over the
+Room; so the little Black Urchin came tumbling in again with a couple of
+Lamps, which he set down before the Divan. These cast a very soft and
+rosy Light, passing through folds of Pink Silk; and as soon as my eyes
+grew accustomed to 'em, I could see that the Lady had raised her Veil,
+that she was looking upon me with a pair of Dark, Roguish, Twinkling
+Orbs, and that I was sitting in the presence of my kind Protectress,
+Lilias.
+
+"What think you of this for an Opera Habit, goodman Cerberus?" cried
+she. "Is this not much better than the Ballet of Orpheus? And, goodness!
+what strange Accoutrement have you, too, got into?"
+
+When my first ecstasies of Joy and Amazement were over, I explained to
+my Dear Patroness the Reasons (none of my own choosing) for appearing in
+such a Garb as I then wore; telling her how I had been Galley-Slave, and
+was now Cymbal Player, to the Unbelieving Dey of Algiers; and with great
+Humility did I ask after her Honoured Parent, and seek to know by what
+uncommon Accident she, the erst Ballet Dancer in the King's Opera-House
+at Paris, had come to be the tenant of this Outlandish House, and
+arrayed in this Heathen Habit. She answered me with that Candour and
+Simplicity which I ever found characteristic of her. Old Mr. Lovell was
+still alive, and in Paris; and this is how his Daughter had become
+separated from him. A very brilliant Engagement, as First Dancer,
+indeed, had been offered to her at the King's Theatre at Palermo; and,
+after long unsuccessful importunities addressed to the Gentlemen of the
+French King's Chamber to cancel her Engagement, these instances, owing
+to the untiring influence of Cardinal de ----, had succeeded, and she
+was allowed to depart. Full willingly would she have taken her Papa with
+her as a Travelling Companion; but the Old Gentleman was now very
+Infirm, and averse from Moving; and so Lilias was placed under the
+Guardianship of an old Spanish Lady, the Señora Satisfacion de Mismar,
+who was the Palermo Manager's Aunt, made his engagements for him abroad,
+and played the Duenna or Singing Old Woman in his Comedies and Operas at
+home. Nothing could be properer than this arrangement, Donna Satisfacion
+being a Personage of exceeding Discretion and Propriety of Behaviour; so
+the two, with half a dozen more little Dancing-girls that had been
+hired to fill inferior places, started for Bordeaux, whence they
+designed to take shipping for Palermo. But by ill luck there was no
+Packet or Merchant Vessel bound for Sicily to be taken up for a long
+time; and so they were fain to travel to Toulon, avoiding Marseilles,
+where the Plague then was very bad, and thence by way of Nizza to Genoa,
+where they found a Brig bound for Messina, which they thought would
+serve their turn. And, in truth, the poor souls found it but too well
+served; for the Brig was captured off Bastia in Corsica by one of these
+diabolical Barbary Rovers, all on board made Slaves, and carried, not
+into Algiers, but into Sallee. There, after much suffering, poor Donna
+Satisfacion de Mismar died of a Distemper of the country, and poor
+Lilias was left without any other Protector than her own Virtue and a
+kind Providence.
+
+'Twas a terrible condition to be left in: Young, Fair, Friendless, and a
+Slave among these Moorish Barbarians. By Heaven's Mercy, however, the
+dear Girl came to no Harm. 'Tis the custom, before the Christian
+Women-captives are exposed for sale in the public Slave-Market, where
+they are Handled and put through their paces as though they were so many
+Cattle, for a Private Inspection of 'em to be made by the rich Persons
+of the place, who come and take Pipes and Coffee with the Merchant,
+glance over his Stock in a respectful Manner, and often strike a Bargain
+there and then. The Girls for sale are apparelled in a sumptuous manner,
+bathed, perfumed, and trinketed out for their Private View; and their
+Captors seek to render 'em docile by giving 'em plenty of Sweetmeats. As
+if the intolerable pangs of Slavery were to be allayed by Lollipops! It
+chanced that among the visitors to the Merchant's House was one Hamet
+Abdoollah, a very Learned Man, a Physician by Trade, and equally trusted
+by the Bey of Tunis, the Dey of Algiers, and him who reigned at Tripoli;
+but who would not devote himself to the service of any of these
+Potentates, but, loving an independent life, served all with equal
+fidelity, sometimes even travelling so far as the Capital of Morocco,
+where he was in high favour with the Savage who calls himself Emperor of
+that country, which would be as piratical as the Barbary States, only it
+has less Seaboard. The father of this Physician had been quite as
+learned a Man as he, and by the name of Muley Abdoollah had travelled
+much in Western Europe, where by his Skill and Erudition he had gained
+so much consideration among the Polite as to be elected a Correspondent
+Member of the Royal Society of England and the Paris Academy of
+Sciences. His son was one of the wisest and justest and most merciful of
+his Species, as you will presently have cause to admit. He was struck at
+once by the Beauty, Intelligence, and Goodness of Lilias, and his humane
+heart recoiled at the thought of what her fate might have been among a
+people given up to Cruelty and Lust. He forthwith bought her of the
+Merchant at a fair price; for although that crafty and rapacious
+Slave-Dealer would have made him pay Through the Nose for his Treasure,
+knowing the Physician to be a man of great Wealth, he forbore in very
+shame from his extortion; for Hamet Abdoollah had but just saved his
+little son out of a Fever, after he had been given up by all the
+Ignorant Leeches of Sallee.
+
+So Lilias became the Bond-servant, but only so in name, to this Wise and
+Good Man. As her dearest wish was now to rejoin her Father, he undertook
+to send her back to France, and with that view did remove with his
+precious charge to Algiers, only exacting from her a promise that while
+she remained under his protection she would wear the Moorish Habit and
+pass as his Wife, so as to avoid Insult when she walked abroad. But of
+any thoughts of Love and Intrigue the Good Man was entirely free. He was
+wrapped up in the study of the Healing Art, and troubled his head much
+more about Drugs, Cataplasms, and Electuaries, than about the Bow and
+Arrows of Dan Cupid. Though why the God of Love should have been
+christened Daniel, it puzzles me to comprehend. This accounts for the
+manner in which I had found my dear Protectress caparisoned in every
+respect as a Moorish Dame. She told me that this was by no means the
+first time she had seen me, and that my being Cymbal-Player in the Dey's
+Musicians was very well known to her, and that her kind Guardian was on
+the point of petitioning the Dey to release me from Servitude, when by
+accident she espied me from the Window, and could not resist the
+temptation of having me called in.
+
+But, in her sweet regard for what was due to Modesty and Decorum, she
+would have no Parley with me save in the presence of the Black
+slave,--'tis true that she did not understand a word of English--and
+directly she had come to an end of her Narrative, she sent the Tumbling
+Urchin to inquire whether the Physician had come home, the part of the
+House she occupied being quite separate and distinct from his. The
+smutty little Imp comes back bringing word that Hamet would wait upon
+her presently; and anon, after discreetly tapping at the door, he came
+in, a grave, Reverend Man, in a flowing Robe of Sad-coloured Taffety,
+and with a long White Beard and Green Turban; for he had made the Mecca
+Pilgrimage, and yet abstained from assuming the title of Hadji, to which
+he was entitled. He spoke very good French, and even a little English
+(learned from his Papa); and when I was made known to him, asked for
+news of Dr. Mead and Sir Hans Sloane, although I could tell him but
+little of that worthy and deceased Gentleman.
+
+"Happy is the Wooing that is not long a Doing," they say; and, by this
+time, you will probably have discovered that I Loved Lilias Lovell very
+dearly. 'Twas no Ramping, Rantipoling, Fiery-Furnace kind of Calf Love
+on my part, but a matured and sensible admixture of Gratitude and
+Sincere Affection. I scorn to conceal that although I knew myself to be
+by Lineage worthy the hand of a Gentleman's Daughter,[D] I was aware
+that, by the Meanness of the condition under which I was first known to
+the Lovell Family, a Gulf yawned between their Estate and mine; and
+that, warm and devoted as was my Love for the Pretty Little Creature I
+had saved from the Flames, I could but deem that she reckoned the Humane
+Dog Cerberus of the Opera Ballet as of no greater account than a real
+Doggish Mastiff. But, to my extreme Amazement and Felicity, this was not
+so. I was beloved by this amiable Young Person, to whom Ambassadors were
+proud to go on their knees, and whom Gentlemen of the Chamber would have
+covered with Diamonds. With a charming frankness, blushing and
+stammering, yet with Virginal Pride, she confessed that she was
+enamoured of me, and, if Fortune were propitious, would gladly be my
+Wife. I could at first scarcely realize the possibility of such great
+and unmerited Happiness; for well did I know the disparity in Age that
+existed between us--how Rough and Weather-beaten was I; and she, how
+Tender, Delicate, and Good! "But does not the Ivy twine round the Oak?"
+quoth the Physician, as he smote me cheerfully on the Shoulder. And
+behold, now, gnarled and battered old Jack Dangerous, with this
+delicious little Parasite creeping toward and Nestling Round him.
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[C] 2 Kings, ix. 30.
+
+[D] I preserve a fragment of what His Eminence was pleased once upon a
+time to write to me, in his curious Italian way of spelling the French
+tongue:
+
+"_Si cieu che vous m'avez dict sur vostre Naissance è vray, vos esteo
+digne di monter dedans le carozze du Roy._"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST.
+
+OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF MY ADVENTURES IN
+RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MY
+GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE.
+
+
+'TWAS the advice of the Good Physician, that, to prevent Accidents, we
+should be Married without delay; for in these hot countries you are here
+to-day and gone to-morrow, and no one can tell what may happen.
+Difficulties almost insurmountable, 'tis true, seemed to stand in the
+way of our Union; but Hamet Abdoollah was able to act almost a
+Magician's part to bring about our Happiness. I was for the time being
+bestowed in his House, and the next morning the Physician hies him to
+the Dey, who was in a Fury about me, and was threatening all kinds of
+Bowstrings and Bastinadoes. But his Highness happening likewise to be
+suffering from Toothache, and as a Man with a Raging Tooth would give
+all the Treasures of Potosi to be quit of his Agony, the Physician
+promised to Relieve him forthwith if he would grant his Suit. The Dey
+promised him any thing he could wish for, and so Hamet Abdoollah cures
+him with a little Phial full of nothing but Tar Balsam. 'Tis but just to
+the Mussulmans to say, that when they have once given their Word of
+Honour, they keep it with Extreme Rigour; so that when the Physician
+begged pardon for me, and License to purchase me out of the Dey's
+service and take me into his own, the Suit was very cheerfully granted.
+Joyfully Hamet Abdoollah repairs to us again, with a Firman under the
+Dey's own Signet granting me my Liberty; and that very forenoon my
+silver Collar, Anklets, and Manacles were stricken off,--the Physician
+returning them to the Dey's Treasury,--and I was no longer a Slave.
+
+Although there is no Man alive who mislikes Popery and its Superstitious
+Practices more than does J. D., there is one order of Nuns and one of
+Monks for whose members I entertain a profound Love and Reverence. Of
+She-Religious, I mean those Blessed Sisters of Charity who go about the
+World doing good, braving Sickness, succouring Misery, assuaging Hunger,
+drying up Tears, and smiling in the Face of Death: God bless those Holy
+Women, say I, wheresoever they are to be found! and in our own
+Protestant country of England, why should we not have similar
+Sisterhoods of Women of Mercy, or Deaconesses, bound by no rigid vows,
+and suffering no ridiculous Penances of Stripes and Macerations, but
+obeying only the call of Religious Charity, and going Quietly and
+Trustfully about their Master's Business? Of He-Monks, I mean the
+Fathers of the Work of Redemption, or Redemptorists, whose sole business
+it is to travel about Begging and Praying of the Rich for money to
+Ransom poor Christian bodies out of Slavery; which is a better work, I
+think, than praying for the deliverance of their Souls out of Purgatory.
+These Redemptorist Fathers have a permanent Station and Correspondence
+at all the Piratical Ports of the Barbary Coast; and at stated times,
+when they have gathered enough Money to redeem a certain number of
+Christians, a body of the Fraternity visit the Station, take away their
+Sanctified Merchandise, and by their Humble and Devout Carriage, and
+exemplary Poverty of Life, extort admiration even from the Bloodthirsty
+Heathens.
+
+Now at Algiers, about this time, there was suffered to dwell an old
+Religious of this Order, Le Père Lefanu,--who for his Virtues and Piety
+was esteemed even by the Mussulman Ulemas, and was thought a good deal
+more of than any of their Marabutts or Santons, which is a name they
+give to a kind of wandering Idiots, who, the Crazier they are, are
+thought the more deserving of Superstitious Veneration. Père Lefanu was
+nearly ninety years of age, and had dwelt among these Barbarians for
+full sixty years of his Life, passing his time in Meditation, Prayer,
+and the Visitation of the Sick and Needy, both among the Unbelievers and
+the Christian Slaves, and at the same time transacting all necessary
+business with the Dey's Head-men for periodically redeeming those that
+were in Bondage. Our good Physician had a profound esteem for this
+Reverend Person, and often visited him; and now it was through his
+Ministry that Lilias and I were to be made One. I had forgotten to say,
+that my departed Saint was of the Communion opposite to mine; but in a
+land of Pagans 'tis as well to forget all differences between Papists
+and Protestants, and to remember only that we are Christians. Père
+Lefanu had been ordained a Secular Priest before he had become a Regular
+Monk, and, he told me that if I had any Conscientious Scruples as to the
+Husband being a Protestant and the Wife of another way of Thinking, I
+could have the marriage done over again in whatever way I thought proper
+on our return to Europe. But I was in far too great a Hurry to be
+Married to look too narrowly which way the Cat jumped; and a Romish
+Wedding is surely better than jumping over a Broomstick, which, unless
+we had adopted the uncouth Moresque custom, would have been all the
+Ceremony of Matrimony we could have had. So Père Lefanu came privately,
+to avoid Gossip, to the Physician's House, and Lilias Lovell and John
+Dangerous were made One in the French Language, the contracting parties
+being English, the Bridegroom's best man a tawny Mahometan Moor, and the
+only Bridesmaid a Black Negress.
+
+Our Honeymoon (we continuing to dwell in the House of the good Hamet
+Abdoollah) was one of unmixed Joy and Gladness; but 'twas too complete
+to last long, and soon came a black Storm to lash into fury the calm
+surface of our Life's Lake. Seized with a Malignant Distemper, and after
+but three days' Sickness, the good Hamet Abdoollah died. His Pillow was
+smoothed by our reverent hands, and with his dying breath he blessed us.
+I know not if there be any Saints in the Mussulman Church; but if ever
+a man deserved Canonization from whatsoever Communion he belonged to, I
+am sure it was Hamet Abdoollah, the Moorish Physician.
+
+His Skill in Medicine had brought him great Wealth, of which, although
+he was always distributing Alms to the Poor, he left a considerable
+Portion behind him. In his last moments he sent for the Cadi and Ulema
+of his Quarter, for his will to be made, or at least to assure them by
+word of mouth of his Testamentary Intentions, which among this People
+would have been as religiously carried out as though he had written
+them. But, alas! when the Cadi and Ulema arrived, he was speechless, and
+died without word or sign of his Wishes.
+
+His Relations came forthwith to administer to his Effects, and (if truth
+be not unpalatable to English Heirs, that often do the same thing) to
+fight and squabble over the administration thereof. A pretty Noise and
+Riot they made: now weeping and howling over the Corse; now bursting
+open Trunks, wrenching Trinkets from each other, striving to convey
+away Garments and Furniture, and even tearing down the hangings of Rich
+Stuff. Only the Harem, where my one True Wife was, remained inviolate
+from these Harpies; but me they overwhelmed with the most injurious
+Invectives and accosted by the foulest epithets, calling me Infidel,
+Pig, Giaour Dog, Frankish Thief, and the like, telling me that I had
+fattened long enough on the Substance of a True Believer, with the like
+opprobrious speeches. I let them have their way, only giving them to
+understand that the first Man who should attempt to cross the Threshold
+of my Harem, it were better for him that he never had been Born.
+
+Soon, however, came a greater Heir at Law than any of these, to take
+possession of the Dead Man's heritage. The news of Hamet Abdoollah's
+decease had come to the ears of the Dey; and straightway he sends down a
+strong guard of Coglolies to Seize all in his Name, specially enjoining
+the Bullock Bashee in command to put the big Christian Slave (meaning
+myself) in Fetters, and equally secure, although with lighter bonds,
+the fair Frankish Woman, meaning my dear Wife Lilias. All this was no
+sooner said than done. The Rough Soldiers burst into the House, and, to
+prevent any misunderstanding about me, a Cloth (for which I was quite
+unprepared) was thrown over my head from Behind; and while I was yet
+struggling to free myself from this blinding Incumbrance, the Gyves were
+passed over my Wrists and Ankles. And then they removed the Cloth, and,
+laden with heavy Chains, I had to behold in Despair their Invading the
+Sanctity of my Harem, and tearing therefrom my Lilias. In vain did I
+Shout, Threaten, Grind my Teeth, Implore, Promise, and strive to Tear my
+Hair. They only Laughed; and one Brutish Coglolie made as though to
+strike me with the flat of his Sabre, when I out with my foot, all
+fettered as it was, and gave the Ruffian a blow on the Jaw, the which,
+by the momentum given by the Iron, I thought had stove it in. This much
+infuriated his Savage Companions; and I doubt not but they would have
+finished me, but the Bullock Bashee, who had orders to the contrary,
+constrained them to stay their hand.
+
+What became of my dear Lilias, I was not allowed to know. She was borne
+away, shrieking and calling on me, with Streaming Eyes, for help; and I
+saw her no more. Myself they dragged downstairs; and when we were come
+into the street, flung me, fettered as I was, over the back of an
+Artillery Horse, where I lay, face downwards, and in a kind of stupor,
+as listless as a Miller's Sack; and so, my Gyves jingling and
+clattering, I was conveyed away.
+
+The cruel and remorseless Dey of Algiers I saw no more. Some spark of
+shame there might perchance be in the Ruffian's Breast that forbade him
+to gaze upon the man he had pardoned and enfranchised, and had now
+traitorously Kidnapped. I suppose that in the Thieves' philosophy of
+this Fellow he reasoned that, if promises are to be kept to Live Men,
+there is no need to keep them unto Dead ones; that he was released from
+all his obligations by the demise of Hamet Abdoollah; and that, as the
+Physician could not cure him of the Toothache again, if he chanced to
+get it, 'twas idle to continue bestowing Favours where no Benefits could
+be derived.
+
+Into a wretched Dungeon of the Arsenal was poor J. Dangerous thrust,
+with naught for victuals but Musty Beans and Stinking Water. When I had
+been here, groaning and gnashing my teeth, for seven days,--which seemed
+to me thrice seven years,--a Rascally Fellow that I knew to be a Scribe
+belonging to the Divan of the Dey comes into my Dungeon to tell me that
+the Packet-ship has come in from Marseilles, and that in answer to my
+letter to Monsieur Foscue, that Merchant sends word that he knows
+nothing at all about me; to which the Rascally Scribe adds, in the
+Lingua Franca, that I was no doubt an Impostor who had trumped up a
+convenient Fable of my being a Gentleman, and having Correspondents who
+would be Answerable for my Ransom in Europe, in order to get better food
+and treatment until the real truth could be known. Whereupon he tells
+me that his Highness the Dey had not yet quite made up his mind as to
+whether he shall have me Impaled, or merely Flayed Alive, and so slams
+the door in my Face.
+
+In this Horrible Dungeon did I continue for seven days more, mostly
+grovelling on the ground, my face downwards, and praying for Deliverance
+or Death. I had a mind to dash my Brains out against the slimy walls of
+the Cell, but was only stayed by the thought of my Lilias. 'Twas always
+night in the abominable Hole, which was lighted only by a hole in the
+roof, about four inches square, and which gave not into the open air,
+but into a Corridor above. But on the fifteenth night of my Captivity,
+for I judged it so by the utter darkness, the door of the Dungeon
+opened, and the Blessed Old Man that was a Redemptorist Father appeared,
+bearing a Lantern.
+
+"You have that about you, my son," says he, "which should be a sign that
+you are a trusted Agent of Holy Mother Church. Can you show it?"
+
+I pointed with one of my fettered hands to my Breast, and made signs for
+him to search for that he was in quest of. The which he did, and after
+reverently kissing the Parchment I had between the Glasses, restored it
+to me.
+
+"You have been most basely entreated," he continued. "Monsieur Foscue
+sent ample funds for your Ransom, and his Eminence is most anxious for
+your safety; but the cruel Moorish Prince who governs this unhappy city,
+after taking the money, feigned that you had made your Escape from the
+Arsenal, designing to keep you here in Chains and Hunger until you
+should Perish."
+
+He paused for a moment, for his Great Age made him very feeble, and then
+continued:
+
+"I can deliver you from this Abode of Misery; but it is not in my power,
+my son, to give you entire Deliverance. Would that I could! You have but
+to follow me to the Quayside, where you will find a boat to convey you
+on board a Turkish Merchant-ship, that to-morrow morning weighs anchor
+for Constantinople. You will still be a Slave to the Captain, but to
+your own ingenuity I leave it to obtain complete Freedom."
+
+"And my Wife--my dear, dear Lilias?" I asked.
+
+The Ancient Man shook his head.
+
+"I can do nothing to bring you together again. She cannot follow you to
+Stamboul; but by Perseverance, and in Time, you may be restored to her."
+
+"Time!" I cried out in bitter desperation. "Time! O Father! I am growing
+an old man. She is the stay and prop of my Life; she is the one ray of
+sunshine cast on a Black and Wicked Career! And she is taken from me by
+these Butchers! and I am to see her no more? What care I for Hunger and
+Chains, and a Dungeon-floor for a Pallet? They have been familiar to me
+from my earliest youth. If I am not to have my Lilias's sweet
+companionship again, I will remain here, in this Hole, and die like a
+Dog, as I am."
+
+"Take comfort, my son," said the Redemptorist Monk. "Time and
+Perseverance may, I repeat, enable you to attain your heart's desire.
+Meanwhile, console yourself with the assurance that the Fair and Good
+Woman, who is your Wife, is out of peril from lawless men. By the same
+Packet-ship that brought the Letters from Monsieur Foscue came a Sum
+sufficient Doubly to Ransom the Young Woman. The benignant protection of
+his Eminence has been extended to her, and she will in a few days return
+to France, and to her Father."
+
+"But can I not see her?--cannot I touch her Hand?--can I not press her
+Lip?--for one brief moment, and for the last time?"
+
+"It is impossible," answered the Monk. "She is watched, both by Day and
+Night, by zealous agents of the Dey, and I have no means of access to
+her. 'Twould be death both to you and to myself were I to seek to bring
+about a meeting between you. Even now the precious moments are wasting
+away. In another hour the Guard will be changed, and your Escape
+impossible."
+
+"And how is it possible now?" I asked. "And will no one come to Hurt
+through my evasion?"
+
+"It _is_ possible," he repeated. "You have to walk but from hence to the
+Outer Gate and the Quayside. Immediately you have departed, the Body of
+a poor Christian Slave, of your age and stature, who died this morning
+at the Arsenal, will be conveyed here, and garnished with your Chains.
+The Dey will be told that you have died in Prison. He loves not to look
+upon the faces of those he has murdered, and will take the word of the
+Aga, who is in our pay. Come! there is not an instant to be lost. Here
+is the key to your Fetters. Unlock them, and follow me."
+
+With a heart that was now elated with the prospect of Deliverance, and
+now sunk at the thought that I was still to be separated from my Lilias,
+I did as the good Redemptorist bade me, and, casting my accursed
+Shackles from me in a heap, limped slowly forth--for the Iron had
+wofully galled me. Outside the Dungeon-door stood a couple of Coglolies,
+with their Turban-cloths let down over their faces to serve as Masks,
+who swiftly unlocked what Doors remained between us and the Sea Rampart.
+The Monk pressed my Hand, gave me his Blessing, bidding me hope for
+Better Times, and disappeared. Guided by the Coglolies, and, indeed,
+half supported by them, I was put into a Boat waiting at the Quayside,
+as the Monk had told me, and ten minutes' hard pulling brought us
+alongside a large craft, on board which, I being so weak, they were fain
+to hoist me with Ropes. By this time I had sunk into a kind of Lethargy,
+and, being conveyed below and put into a cot in the Master's Cabin, fell
+into a slumber, which lasted for very many hours.
+
+The Captain of this ship was an English Renegado, named Sparkenhoe. He
+had served as Midshipman and Master's Mate in a King's ship; but having
+been, as he conceived, unjustly Broken for hot words that passed
+between him and the Captain,--this took place at Gibraltar,--had
+deserted, and hid himself on board a Merchant Brig bound for Tangier. At
+last, being fond of a Roving Life (and having the misfortune to kill the
+Captain of the Merchant Brig in a dispute concerning some Bullocks they
+were shipping), he had turned Mussulman; and after living some time
+among the Buccaneers of the Riff, had come to Algiers, and been made
+Captain of a Merchantman trading to the Dardanelles, and doing a bit of
+Piracy when opportunity served. 'Twas full five-and-twenty years since
+he had Run from the King of Great Britain's service; and although his
+Blue Eyes and enormous Red Whiskers still gave him somewhat of a Saxon
+appearance, he had very nearly forgotten his Mother Tongue, and only
+retained English enough to enable him to mingle a few Billingsgate Oaths
+with his barbarous Levantine Lingo.
+
+This fellow, whom I heartily despised, for he had kept all the Vices of
+his former Religion, and had acquired none of the Virtues of his new
+one, was civil enough to me, and informed me that all he could do for
+me, in return for the Bribe he had received from his Employers, would be
+to deliver me to a Slave Merchant at Constantinople, who would place me
+out in Domestic Service where I should not be ill-treated. But he very
+strongly advised me to turn Turk or Renegado, as he himself was, saying,
+that in such a case he would land me perfectly free at the Porte, where
+I should doubtless find some profitable Employment. This I scornfully
+refused; whereupon he shrugged his Shoulders, and said that I was a
+Fool, but might possibly think Better of it in Time.
+
+After three weeks' coasting among the Isles of the Grecian Archipelago,
+and so into the Sea of Marmora, we steered into the Dardanelles 'twixt
+the Castles of Europe and Asia; and the same night the Slave-Dealer
+comes off in a private Caique--as the Turks call their Canoes,--and the
+Renegado delivered me up to him. I was taken to his House at Galata,
+where I was kept very close for two or three weeks, and was then sold
+to a Merchant of Damascus in Asia, that had come to Constantinople with
+the Autumn Caravans, to dispose of his cargo of Silk and Attar of
+Roses--a very fine and subtle Perfume, one drop of which is sufficient
+to scent an entire House.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+'Twas in the autumn of the year 1759 that I so came to Damascus, and for
+ten years did I remain in that city,--all the time without hearing one
+word from my dear Wife. Had I been in the Capital, where Foreign
+Ambassadors reside, I could not, as a Christian, be detained in Slavery;
+that being guarded against by Treaties between the Crown of Great
+Britain and the Sublime Porte. But in this remote part of the Empire,
+these and many other worse enormities were possible; and I remained as
+one Dead and Buried. To a few English and French Travellers passing
+through Damascus did I tell my piteous Tale, and entreat their help; but
+the account that I gave of myself was so rambling and confused, and
+contained, I could but confess it, many Incredible Particulars, that I
+could plainly see no one believed my Tale, or accounted me as aught but
+a half-mad Fellow that had run away for some misdeed from a Ship in port
+on the Coast of Syria, and was now trying to cadge Sympathy for a
+Pretended Grievance. At last I gave up complaining. Slowly, but surely,
+my memory of my former life began to Decay, and even the knowledge of
+mine own Language faded away, and became weaker and weaker every day. I
+dressed, I ate, I drank, I slept in the Eastern Fashion, and in all but
+religion I was a Turk.
+
+Meanwhile I had gained in the favour of my Master. He was about mine own
+age when he purchased me, and we grew old Together. At first I was
+employed as a mere Menial, in carrying of Bales and Packages, and
+tending of Camels; but by degrees I was promoted to be his Warehouseman,
+Clerk, Cashkeeper, and at last his Partner. In that capacity he sent me
+to manage a large silk-plantation of his in the Lebanon; and after two
+years of that work I left him with a fortune of no less than five
+hundred Purses of Gold (about 20,000_l._ of our Money), to set up on my
+own account in the City of Broussa. He made no attempt (nor had he at
+any time done so) to combat my Religious Scruples, but counselled me to
+behave in all things outwardly as a Turk; and if anything was said of my
+being in countenance a Frank (though I was swarthy enough from my Long
+Journeyings), to account for it by saying that I was an Affghan born,
+out of India. He died very soon after I settled at Broussa, and the
+secret of my being a Christian died with him. It is true that, for mere
+Policy's sake, I did go through the Mummeries of outward Mahometans, and
+had my Rosary and my Prayer-carpet like other Merchants of Broussa; but
+I scornfully deny that I was initiated, or submitted to, any Heathenish
+Rites; and I am ready to maintain now, Cut, Thrust, or Backsword, that I
+was then as stanch and leal a Protestant as I am now.
+
+Under the name of Gholab Hassan, of Affghanistan, and a True Believer, I
+prospered exceedingly, almost entirely forgetting my own country. 'Tis
+true I always preserved an affectionate remembrance of my dear Wife
+Lilias; but she seemed to me in the guise of some Departed Angel, whom I
+had been privileged to behold but for a Short and Transient Period.
+Among these Pagans, as is well known, Polygamy is permitted; but that is
+neither here nor there; and I was now an Old, Old Man.
+
+'Tis ten years since, namely, A.D. 1770, that a great Insurrection
+against the Authority of the Porte, or rather of the Bashaw of the
+Province, who had been laying on the Taxes with somewhat too heavy a
+hand, broke out in Broussa. The infuriate Populace burnt the House of
+the Bashaw about his ears, plundered the Bazaar, and were proceeding to
+further extremities, when, a puff of my old Martial Spirit reviving
+within me, I collected a trusted band of Porters and Camel-drivers,
+rallied the Turkish Troops, who were flying in all directions, reformed
+them, scattered the Insurgent Mobile, and did (I promise you) speedy
+execution on some Scores of them. The Insurrection was very speedily
+subdued, and all Broussa was filled with the praises of my Valour and
+Discretion. The Bashaw was a poor Good-natured kind of Creature, Brave
+enough, but so Fat that when he mounted on Horseback they were obliged
+to put one of the Pillows of his Divan on the pummel of his saddle to
+keep his Stomach steady. An end, however, was put to the discomfort he
+suffered through Corpulence, by the arrival, three weeks after the
+suppression of the Insurrection, of a Tartar Courier, who brought with
+him a Bowstring and a Firman from the Grand Seignor. By means of the
+Bowstring, the Fat Bashaw was then and there strangled,--for they do
+things in a very off-hand manner in Turkey,--and when the Firman was
+opened by his Vizier it was found to contain, not his own nomination to
+the Bashawlik, which he fondly expected, but the appointment of the
+Merchant Gholab Hassan, that is to say, JOHN DANGEROUS, that is to say,
+your Humble Servant, to the vacant Post, and commanding my immediate
+attendance at the Porte to receive investiture with the Three
+Horse-tails of Office.
+
+I was at once saluted as Gholab Bashaw, and the next day set forth
+amidst great Acclamations, and in sumptuous state, for Constantinople.
+Arrived there, I was handsomely lodged in a Palace close to the Old
+Seraglio, and admitted to no less than three solemn Audiences with the
+Commander of the Faithful, the Caliph Al Islam, the Padishaw of Roum,
+the Great Turk himself.
+
+I could not help smiling at myself, now arrayed in all the pomp and
+glory of an Exalted Functionary, and in the true Turkish fashion. 'Tis a
+custom (through Ignorance of those parts) with the Limners of Europe to
+portray all Osmanlis with long Beards; and, for truth, as a Merchant at
+Broussa, I had a great grizzled one of most Goatish appearance; but
+among the Bashaws and all those engaged in the Military Service of the
+Grand Seignor, or holding Employments in the Seraglio, they wear only a
+fierce and martial pair of Whiskers. The most distinguishing sign of a
+true Mussulman is, after all, his Sarik or Turban, made in two parts,
+namely, a Bonnet, and the Linen that is wrapped round it. The former a
+kind of Cap, red or green, without Brims, and quilted with Cotton. About
+this they roll several folds of Linen Cloth; and it is a particular art
+to know how to give a Turban a good air; it being a trade with 'em, as
+the Selling of Hats is with us. The Emirs, who boast of being descended
+from the race of Mahomet, wear a turban all green; but that of the
+common Turks is red, with a white border, so distinguishing 'em from the
+Christians. Next I wore great long Breeches of a 'broidered stuff, and a
+Shirt of fine soft calico, with wide Sleeves, but no Wristbands or
+Collar; and over this a Cassock or Vest of fine English Cloth, reaching
+to the ankles, and buttoned with buttons of gold, about the bigness of a
+peppercorn. This was tied with a broad Sash or Girdle, which went
+thrice round the waist, with the ends hanging down before, and two
+handsome Tassels. Over all this another Garment, richly laced, and lined
+with Furs of the Martin or the Badger. In my Girdle a Dagger, about the
+size of a case-knife, the handle curiously wrought, and adorned with
+Precious Stones. And as the Turkish tailors make no pockets to their
+vestments, Purse, Handkerchief, Tobacco-box, and things of that nature
+must needs be put into the Bosom, or thrust under the Girdle. Instead of
+Shoes, a pair of Slippers of yellow leather; which, whenever you enter a
+Mosque or the presence of a Superior, you must put off on the threshold.
+This custom makes the soles of a Turk's feet always ready for the
+application of the Talack or Bastinado, from which argument neither high
+nor low are exempt.
+
+_Item._--The Women here very richly dressed, but sad Gossips, and a
+Lazy, Lolloping kind of creatures; which they must needs be, poor souls,
+seeing that they have no sort of Education, and are kept mostly in
+seclusion, talking of scandal, sucking of sugar-plums, showing their
+brave apparel to each other, and thrumming upon the Mandolin. A
+galloping, dreary, dull place indeed is a Turkish Harem. As to the
+qualities of the mind, the Turkish Women want neither Wit, Good Sense,
+nor Tenderness; but the constraint that is put upon 'em, and the jealous
+eye with which they are guarded, makes 'em go a great way in a little
+time, and make an ill use of the Liberty which is sometimes granted
+them. The old women-slaves of the Armenian and Jew Merchants, who are
+the confidantes of the Turkish women, enter their apartments at all
+hours, under the pretence of bringing them Jewels, and often favour
+their amours with brisk young fellows. The usual hour for intrigue is
+the hour of morning and evening Prayers, when the Husbands are away at
+the Mosques. In case of Discovery the Turks are masters of the Lives of
+their Wives; and if they have been convicted in form, they are sewn up
+in Sacks, and thrown into the Sea. And even if a Guilty Woman's life is
+spared, she is condemned to marry her Gallant, who is sentenced to die,
+or must turn Mahometan, supposing him to be a Christian. The least
+punishment for a man who has broken the Seventh Commandment is to ride
+through the streets upon an Ass, with his face towards the Tail, to
+receive a certain number of Blows upon the Soles of his Feet, and to pay
+a Fine in proportion to his Estate.
+
+But though a duly invested Bashaw of Three Tails, I was not fated to
+remain long in that Capacity. For once, however, my Destiny, in
+subjecting me to Change, played me a kind instead of a spiteful Turn.
+Going to visit the French Ambassador, who was then in high favour at the
+Porte, I found there, living under the protection of his Family, a Lady,
+who was no other than my dear Wife Lilias, and with her a Daughter,
+called after her own name, who was now twelve years of age. Her History,
+as she related it to me, was brief, but amazing. Both her Father and the
+Cardinal died about two years after her return from Captivity; but she
+found a new guardian in my old friend Captain Night, or Don Ercolo
+Sparafucile di San Lorenzo, the Knight of Malta, who had retired from
+that Island to end his days in France. She was enabled to cheer the
+declining years of that Gallant Gentleman, who had preserved a lively
+remembrance of his old _Protégé_, Jack Dangerous; and when he died, he
+left her the whole of his large fortune. All these years she had
+remained in a dreadful state of uncertainty, till, through the kind
+offices of the French Minister of Police, she was made acquainted with
+the last dying avowal of a Pirate Renegado, named Sparkenhoe, who had
+expired at the Galleys of Marseille, and stated that, in the year 1759,
+he had conveyed a refugee Christian Slave from Algiers to
+Constantinople, where he had been sold to a Merchant of Damascus. In the
+almost desperate hope of discovering some Tidings of me, my Wife and
+Child had journeyed to the Porte, where they were most kindly received
+at the French Embassy. They had given up almost every prospect of
+meeting me again, when I made my sudden appearance in the strange Guise
+of a Turkish Bashaw.
+
+Under ordinary Circumstances, it might have gone hard with me; for the
+Turks reckon it as an unpardonable crime for a Christian to assume the
+Mussulman Garb, and conform outwardly to that religion, without having
+gone through the Proper Rites. However, as I have said, the French
+Ambassador was just then in high favour with the Porte. He made interest
+with the Captain Bashaw, the Kislar Aga, and the Grand Vizier himself.
+The services I had rendered to the Great Turk by suppressing the
+Insurrection at Broussa were taken into consideration; and it was at
+length agreed, that if I would convey myself away privately, and take my
+Wife with me, no more should be said about the matter. It was given out
+at Broussa that I had been appointed to another and more distant
+Government; and he who had been Vizier to the unlucky Fat Man got his
+much-coveted Preferment, and, I have no doubt, was very happy in it,
+till the inevitable Tartar came, and he was Bowstrung, like his
+predecessor. So Gholab Bashaw resigned the Three Horse-tails that during
+so brief a period had waved at his Flagstaff, and became once more plain
+JOHN DANGEROUS. The Sublime Porte, however, confiscated all my Property
+at Broussa, including my Wives--I mean, my Women Servants.
+
+With my Wife and Child I now returned to Europe, full of Years, and, I
+hope, notwithstanding some Ups and Downs, full of Honours too. We were
+in no hurry, however, to return to England; for I had wandered about
+Foreign Parts so long in Discredit, and Danger, and Distress, that I
+thought myself well entitled to see the world a little in Freedom and
+Independence, and with a Handsome competence at my Back. Therefore, as
+the Chevalier Captain John Dangerous,--I have dropped my Knightly rank
+of late years,--and furnished with all necessary passports and
+safe-conducts, we made our way across the Black Sea to Odessa, a mean
+kind of place, but rising in the way of trade; and after a most affable
+reception by the Russian Governor of that place, journeyed at our ease
+through the Tauric Chersonese, now wrested from the Tartar Khans of
+Simpheropol, and belonging to the Muscovites. Next, in a handsome
+wheeled carriage-and-four, we made for the great City of Moscow,--the
+old Capital of the Great Dukes of Russia,--where we abode two whole
+years, and went among the very best people in the place; although I had
+an ugly Equivoque with a young gentleman of Quality that was an officer
+of Dragoons, and who, I declare, stole a diamond-mounted Snuff-box of
+mine off my wife's Harpsichord, putting the same (the Snuff-box, I mean)
+into the pocket of his pantaloons. Him I was compelled to expel from my
+house, the Toe of my Boot aiding; and meeting him subsequently at a
+Coffee-house, and he not seeming sufficiently impressed with the
+turpitude of his Offence, but the rather inclined to regard it as a
+venial Prank or Whimsey, I did Batoon him within an inch of his life,
+and until there were more wheals on his Body than bars of silver-braid
+on his Jacket. This led to a serious misunderstanding between Justice
+and myself. I was not Imprisoned, but was summoned no less than
+fifty-seven times before a kind of Judge they call an Assessor, who
+addressed a number of interrogatories to me, which, at a moderate
+computation, reached, in the course of five weeks, three thousand seven
+hundred and nine questions. This might have gone on till Doomsday, but
+for the kind offices of a Muscovite friend, who hinted to me that if I
+discreetly slipped a Bank-bill for five hundred roubles into the hand of
+the Examining Judge, I should hear no more of the affair. This I did,
+and was soon after honourably acquitted; after which I gave the young
+Spark whom I had batooned his revenge, by allowing him to duff me out of
+a few score pieces at the game of Lansquenet. By and by, being tired of
+Moscow, we removed to the stately northern Capital, Petersburg, where I
+had a handsome mansion on the Fontanka Canal, and was on more than one
+occasion admitted to an audience with the Empress of Russia, the mighty
+Czarina Catherine; a fine, bold, strapping woman, with a great taste for
+Politics, Diamonds, the Fine Arts, and affairs of Gallantry. The First
+time I made my obeisance to her Majesty (which was at her summer
+residence of Peterhoff, on the River Neva), she deigned, smiling
+affably, to say to me:--
+
+"_Ah, ah! vous êtes le Sabreur anglais qui avez rossé mes gens, là-bas,
+à Moscou. Je voudrais que vous en fissiez autant pour mes faquins de
+Chevalier-Gardes à Petersbourg._"
+
+I was given to understand in very high quarters that I had only to ask,
+to receive a lucrative and honourable Appointment in the service of the
+Czarina,--either as a General by Land, or as an Admiral at Sea; but I
+was sick of fighting, and of working too; so at last, in disgust, I gave
+up my House, and taking shipping with my family at Cronstadt, retired to
+Hamburg, whence, after a brief sojourn, I travelled to France.
+
+My sainted Wife, with whom, after our reunion, I lived most happily,
+died in Paris, in the year 1773; and then, feeling my Days drawing to a
+close, and desiring to lay my Bones in my own Country, I returned to
+England, after an absence of more than Thirty Years. Finding that the
+old Mansion that had belonged to my Grandmother was for sale by Public
+Auction, I purchased the Freehold, repaired and beautified it, and came
+to reside in it, occupying my long and happy leisure by the composition
+of these Memoirs. And if any one of my Readers experiences one-hundredth
+part the pleasure in Reading these Pages (and that I dare scarcely hope)
+that I have experienced in Writing them, John Dangerous will indeed be
+amply repaid.
+
+
+          THE END OF THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN
+                           DANGEROUS.
+
+
+
+
+NOTE EXCULPATORY.
+
+
+IT may be as well to state, for the benefit of sticklers for matters of
+fact, that, in the episode relating to Arabella Greenville, the manner
+of death ascribed to Lord Francis Villiers is, as Dr. Colenso would say,
+"un-historical." The young nobleman in question was slain in battle; and
+the description of his execution at Hampton Court is one of the few
+instances of the Romancer's licence I have allowed myself in these
+volumes.
+
+                                                            G. A. S.
+
+
+
+
+Messrs. Tinsley Brothers'
+
+PUBLICATIONS.
+
+WORKS IN THE PRESS.
+
+In the Press, in 2 vols., 8vo,
+
+ABEKOÚTA:
+
+AND
+
+AN EXPLORATION OF THE CAMEROON MOUNTAINS.
+
+By CAPTAIN RICHARD F. BURTON, Author of "A Pilgrimage to Elmedinah and
+Meccah," &c.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Press, in 2 vols.,
+
+MARTIN POLE.
+
+By JOHN SAUNDERS, Author of "Abel Drake's Wife," &c.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready,
+
+A NEW AND CHEAPER EDITION IN 1 VOL., PRICE 6S.
+
+LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET.
+
+By the Author of "Aurora Floyd."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Press, in 3 vols., post 8vo.
+
+MY WANDERINGS IN WEST AFRICA:
+
+FROM LIVERPOOL TO FERNANDO PO.
+
+By F. R. G. S.
+
+                      [Ready in April.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Press, in 3 vols., post 8vo.
+
+ALTOGETHER WRONG.
+
+By the Author of "The World's Furniture."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Press, a New Edition, price 6s., uniform with "Guy Livingstone,"
+
+BARREN HONOUR.
+
+By the Author of "Guy Livingstone," "Sword and Gown," &c.
+
+
+
+
+WORKS JUST PUBLISHED, AND IN CIRCULATION AT ALL THE LIBRARIES.
+
+NOTICE:
+
+AURORA FLOYD,
+
+BY THE AUTHOR OF
+
+"LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET."
+
+The Fifth Edition is now Ready, at all the Libraries, in 3 vols.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+This day, at every Library, in 3 vols.
+
+THE HOUSE
+
+BY THE
+
+CHURCHYARD.
+
+By J. SHERIDAN LE FANU.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready, at every Library, in 3 vols.
+
+A TANGLED SKEIN.
+
+By ALBANY FONBLANQUE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready, the Five-Shilling Edition of
+
+GUY LIVINGSTONE.
+
+By the Author of "Barren Honour," "Sword and Gown."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready, in 2 vols.
+
+THE LITERATURE
+
+OF
+
+SOCIETY.
+
+By GRACE WHARTON,
+
+One of the Authors of "The Queens of Society," &c.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready, at all the Libraries, in 1 vol. 8vo.
+
+THE PUBLIC LIFE
+
+OF
+
+LORD MACAULAY.
+
+By FREDERICK ARNOLD, B.A.,
+
+Of Christ Church, Oxford.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND.
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Transcriber's Notes:
+
+Obvious punctuation errors repaired.
+
+Spelling being fluid in Captain Dangerous' life, spellings such as
+"Quean" (which shows up twice) were retained.
+
+Page 16, "Item" was italicised to match the rest of the usage of this
+word in this text. (_Item:_ I engaged)
+
+Page 84, "Bood" changed to "Blood" (stain of Blood)
+
+Page 127, repeated word "the" deleted. Original read: (with the the
+floor of the)
+
+Page 239, "they" changed to "the" (the Dey began to look)
+
+Page 269, the "d" in the word "and" was printed upside down originally.
+(a matured and)
+
+Page 279, "Coglololies" changed to "Coglolies" to fit rest of usage
+(guard of Coglolies)
+
+Varied hyphenation in this book includes: a-piece and apiece, Gunshot
+and Gun-shot; maingears and main-gears; Night-cap and Nightcap; Red-hot
+and Redhot.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Strange Adventures of Captain
+Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3, by George Augustus Sala
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAPTAIN DANGEROUS, VOL. 3 OF 3 ***
+
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+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Strange Adventures of Captain Dangerous, Vol. III, by George Augustus Sala.
+    </title>
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+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Strange Adventures of Captain
+Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3, by George Augustus Sala
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Strange Adventures of Captain Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3
+       Who was a sailor, a soldier, a merchant, a spy, a slave
+              among the moors...
+
+Author: George Augustus Sala
+
+Release Date: September 19, 2008 [EBook #26669]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAPTAIN DANGEROUS, VOL. 3 OF 3 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Emmy and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This
+book was produced from scanned images of public domain
+material from the Google Print project.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_i" id="Page_i">[i]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<h2>THE STRANGE ADVENTURES</h2>
+
+<h3>OF</h3>
+
+<h1>CAPTAIN DANGEROUS:</h1>
+
+<h3>
+WHO WAS A SOLDIER, A SAILOR, A MERCHANT, A SPY, A SLAVE<br />
+AMONG THE MOORS, A BASHAW IN THE SERVICE<br />
+OF THE GRAND TURK,<br />
+<br />
+AND<br />
+<br />
+<b>Died at last in his own House in Hanover Square.</b><br /></h3>
+<div class='center'><br /><br /><br />
+A NARRATIVE IN OLD-FASHIONED ENGLISH.<br />
+<br />
+ATTEMPTED BY<br /></div>
+<h2>GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA.</h2>
+<div class='center'><br /><br />
+<br />
+IN THREE VOLUMES.<br />
+<br />
+VOL. III.<br />
+<br />
+<br /><br /><br />
+LONDON:<br />
+TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND.<br />
+1863.<br />
+<br />
+[<small><i>The right of Translation is reserved.</i></small>]<br /></div>
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ii" id="Page_ii">[ii]</a></span></p>
+
+
+
+
+<div class='copyright'>
+LONDON:<br />
+SAVILL AND EDWARDS, PRINTERS, CHANDOS STREET,<br />
+COVENT GARDEN.<br /></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iii" id="Page_iii">[iii]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>CONTENTS OF VOL. III.</h2>
+
+
+
+
+
+<div class='center'>
+<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="">
+<tr><td align='left'>&nbsp;</td><td align='right'><small>PAGE</small></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'>CHAPTER THE FIRST.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO RIGHT ROUND IT</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /> THE SECOND.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>MERCATOR, HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_44">44</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /> THE THIRD.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO EUROPE</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_71">71</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /> THE FOURTH.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_115">115</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /> THE FIFTH.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS, WHICH WAS NEARLY MY UNDOING</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_154">154</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /> THE SIXTH.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iv" id="Page_iv">[iv]</a></span>OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE CARDINAL DE &mdash;&mdash;</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_181">181</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /> THE SEVENTH.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM REDUCED TO A STATE OF MISERABLE SLAVERY</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_196">196</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /> THE EIGHTH.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS BECOMES BESTUSCHID BASHAW</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_230">230</a></td></tr>
+<tr><td align='center' colspan='2'><br /> THE NINTH AND LAST.</td></tr>
+<tr><td align='left'>OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF MY ADVENTURES IN RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE.</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_272">272</a></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p>
+<h3>THE STRANGE ADVENTURES</h3>
+
+<h4>OF</h4>
+
+<h2>CAPTAIN DANGEROUS.</h2>
+
+<div class='center'><b>A Narrative in Old fashioned English.</b></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER THE FIRST.</h2>
+
+<h3>I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN
+GO RIGHT ROUND IT.</h3>
+
+
+<p>1748. I was not yet Forty years of age,
+Hale and Stout, Comely enough,&mdash;so said
+Mistress Prue and many other damsels,&mdash;with
+a Military Education, an approved reputation
+for Valour, and very little else
+besides. A gentleman at large, with a
+purse well-nigh as slender as an ell-wand,
+and as wobegone as a dried eel-skin. But
+I was never one that wanted many Superfluities;
+and having no Friends in the
+world, was of a most Contented Disposition.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Some trouble, indeed, must I have with
+that luckless Mistress Prue, the Waiting-Maid&mdash;sure,
+I did the girl no Harm, beyond
+whispering a little soft nonsense in her ear
+now and then. But she must needs have
+a succession of Hysterical Fits after my
+departure from the Tower, and write me
+many scores of Letters couched in the most
+Lamentable Rigmarole, threatening to throw
+herself into Rosamond's Pond in St. James's
+Park (then a favourite Drowning-Place for
+Disconsolate Lovers), with many other nonsensical
+Menaces. But I was firm to my
+Determination to do her no harm, and
+therefore carefully abstained from answering
+any of her letters. She did not break
+her heart; but (being resolved to wed one
+that wore the King's cloth) she married
+Miles Bandolier about three months after
+my Departure, and broke his head, ere the
+Honeymoon was over, with a Bed-staff. A
+most frivolous Quean this, and I well rid
+of her.</p>
+
+<p>Coming out of the Tower, I took lodgings
+for a season in Great Ryder Street, St.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span>
+James's, and set up for a Person of Pleasure.
+There were many Military Officers of my
+Acquaintance who honoured me with their
+company over a Bottle, for even as a Tower
+Warder I had been a kind of a Gentleman,
+and there was no treating me as one of
+base Degree. They laughed somewhat at
+my Brevet rank of Captain, and sometimes
+twitted me as to what Regiment I was in;
+but I let them laugh, so long as they did
+not go too far, when I would most assuredly
+have shown them, by the length of my Blade,
+not only what Regiment I belonged to, but
+what Mettle I was of. By favour of some
+of my Martial Friends, I was introduced to
+a favourite Coffee-House, the "Ramilies,"
+in Jermyn Street ('tis Slaughter's, in St.
+Martin's Lane, now, that the Soldier-Officers
+do most use); and there we had
+many a pleasant Carouse, and, moreover,
+many a good game at cards; at the which,
+thanks to the tuition of Mr. Hodge, when
+I was in Mr. Pinchin's service, I was a
+passable adept, being able to hold my own
+and More, in almost every Game that is to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span>
+be found in Hoyle. And so our card-playing
+did result, not only to mutual
+pleasure, but to my especial Profit; for I was
+very lucky. But I declare that I always
+played fair; and if any man doubted the
+strict probity of my proceeding, there was
+then, as there is now, my Sword to vindicate
+my Honour.</p>
+
+<p>'Tis ill-living, however, on Gambling.
+Somehow or another the Money you win
+at Cards&mdash;I would never touch Dice, which
+are too chancy, liable to be Sophisticated,
+and, besides, sure to lead to Brawling,
+Stabbing, and cracking of Crowns&mdash;this
+Money, gotten over Old Nick's back, I say,
+never seems to do a Man any Good. 'Tis
+light come, and light go; and the Store of
+Gold Pieces that glitter so bravely when
+you sweep them off the green cloth seems,
+in a couple of days afterwards, to have
+turned to dry leaves, like the Magician's
+in the Fairy Tale. Excepting Major
+Panton, who built the Street and the
+Square which bear his name out of One
+Night's Profit at the Pharoah table, can<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span>
+you tell me of one habitual Gambler who
+has been able to realise anything substantial
+out of his Winnings? No, no; a Hand at
+Cards is all very well, and 'tis pleasant to
+win enough to pay one's Reckoning, give a
+Supper to the Loser, and have a Frisk upon
+Town afterwards; but I do abhor your
+steady, systematic Gamblers, with their
+restless eyes, quivering lips, hair bristling
+under their wigs, and twitching fingers, as
+they watch the Game. Of course, when
+Cards are played, you must play for Money.
+As to playing for Love, I would as soon
+play for nutshells or cheese-parings. But
+the whole business is too feverish and exciting
+for a Man of warm temperament.
+'Tis killing work when your Bed and Raiment,
+your Dinner and your Flask, depend
+on the turn up of a card. And so I very
+speedily abandoned this line of life.</p>
+
+<p>'Twas necessary, nevertheless, for something
+to be done to bring Grist to the Mill.
+About this time it was a very common
+practice for Great Noblemen&mdash;notably those
+who were in any way addicted to pleasure,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>
+and ours was a mighty Gay Nobility thirty
+or forty years since&mdash;to entertain Men of
+Honour, Daring, and Ability, cunning in the
+use of their Swords, and exceedingly discreet
+in their conversations, to attend them upon
+their private affairs, and render to them
+Services of a kind that required Secrecy as
+well as Courage. One or two Duels in
+Hyde Park and behind Montagu House,
+in which I had the honour to be concerned
+as Second,&mdash;and in one of which I engaged
+the Second of my Patron's Adversary, and
+succeeded, by two dexterous side slices, in
+Quincing his face as neatly as a housewife
+would slice Fruit for a Devonshire Squab
+Pie,&mdash;gained me the notice of some of the
+Highest Nobility, to whom I was otherwise
+recommended by the easiness of my
+Manners, and the amenity of my Language.
+The young Earl of Modesley did in particular
+affect me, and I was of Service to
+his Lordship on many most momentous and
+delicate Occasions. For upwards of Six
+Months I was sumptuously entertained in
+his Lordship's Mansion in Red Lion Square;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span>&mdash;a
+Kind of Hospitality, indeed, which he
+was most profuse in the dispensation of:&mdash;there
+being at the same time in the House
+a French Dancing-Master, an Italian Singer,
+a Newmarket Horse-Jockey, and a Domestic
+Chaplain, that had been unfrocked for too
+much fighting of Cocks and drinking of
+Cider with clowns at his Vicarage; but to
+whom the Earl of Modesley was always a
+fast friend. Unfortunate Young Nobleman!
+He died of a malignant Fever at
+Avignon, just before attaining his Thirtieth
+Year! His intentions towards me were of
+the most Bounteous Description; and he
+even, being pleased to say that I was a
+good-looking Fellow enough, and come to
+an Age when it behoved me to be settled
+in Life, proposed that I should enter in the
+bonds of Wedlock with one Miss Jenny
+Lightfoot, that had formerly been a Milliner
+in Liquorpond Street, but who, when his
+Lordship introduced me to her, lived in
+most splendid Lodgings under the Piazza,
+Covent Garden, and gave the handsomest
+Chocolate Parties to the Young Nobility<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span>
+that ever were seen. So Boundless was
+his Lordship's generosity that he offered to
+bestow a portion of Five Hundred Pounds
+on Miss Lightfoot if she would become
+Madame Dangerous&mdash;said portion to be at
+my absolute disposal&mdash;and to give me
+besides a long Lease at a Peppercorn Rent
+of a Farm of his in Wiltshire. The Match,
+however, came to nothing. I was not yet
+disposed to surrender my Liberty; and,
+indeed, the Behaviour of Miss Lightfoot,
+while the Treaty of Alliance between us
+was being discussed, did not augur very
+favourably for our felicity in the Matrimonial
+State. Indeed, she was pleased to
+call me Rogue, Gambler, Bully, Led Captain,
+and many other uncivil names. She
+snapped off the silver hilt of my dress-sword
+(presented to me after I had fought
+the Second in Hyde Park), and obstinately
+refused to restore that gewgaw to me,
+telling me that she had given it to her
+Landlady (one Mother Bishopsbib, a monstrous
+Fat Woman, that was afterwards
+Carted, and stood in the Pillory in Spring<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>
+Gardens, for evil practices) in part payment
+for rent-owing. Moreover, she wilfully
+spoilt my best periwig by overturning a
+Chocolate Mill thereupon; and otherwise
+so misconducted herself that I bade her a
+respectful Farewell,&mdash;she leaving the marks
+of her Nails on my face as a parting Gift,&mdash;and
+told my Lord Modesley that I would
+as lief wed a Roaring Dragon as this Termagant
+of the Piazza. This Refusal
+brought about a Rupture between myself
+and my Lord. He was imprudent enough to
+talk about my Ingratitude, to tell me that
+the very coat on my back was bought and
+paid for with his Money, and to threaten
+to have me kicked out of doors by two of
+his Tall Lacqueys. But I speedily let him
+have a piece of my Mind. "My Lord,"
+says I, going up to him, and thrusting my
+face full in his, "you will be pleased to
+know that I am a Gentleman, whose ancestors
+were ennobled centuries before your
+rascally grandfather got his peerage for
+turning against the true King."</p>
+
+<p>He began to murmur something (as many<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>
+have done before when my blood was up,
+and I have mentioned Royalty) about my
+being "a Jacobite."</p>
+
+<p>"I'll Jacobite your jacket for you, you
+Jackadandy!" I retorted. "You have most
+foully insulted me. I know your Lordship's
+ways well. If I sent you a cartel, you and
+your whippersnapper Friends would sneer
+at it, because I am poor, and fling Led
+Captain in my teeth. You won't fight with
+a poor Gentleman of the Sword. I am too
+much of a Man of Honour to waylay you at
+night, and give you the private Stab, as you
+deserve; but so sure as you are your father's
+son, if you don't make me this instant a
+Handsome Apology, I will cudgel you till
+there is not a whole bone in your body."</p>
+
+<p>The young Ruffian&mdash;he was not such a
+coward as Squire Pinchin, but rather murderous&mdash;makes
+no more do, but draws upon
+me. I caught up a quarter-staff that lay
+handy (for we were always exercising ourselves
+at athletic amusements), struck the
+weapon from his grasp, and hit him a sounding<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span>
+thwack across the shins that brought
+him down upon his marrow-bones.</p>
+
+<p>"Below the Belt!" he cries out, holding
+up his hands. "Foul! foul!"</p>
+
+<p>"Foul be hanged!" I answered. "I'm
+not going to fight, but to Beat You;" and I
+rushed upon him, shortening the Staff, and
+would have belaboured him Soundly, but
+that he saw it was no use contending against
+John Dangerous, and very humbly craved
+a parley. He Apologised as I had Demanded,
+and lent me Twenty Guineas, and
+we parted on the most friendly terms.</p>
+
+<p>This Lord essayed, notwithstanding, to
+do me much harm in Town, saying that I
+had used him with black Cruelty, had re-requited
+his many favours with gross
+Treachery, and the like Falsehoods, until I
+was obliged to send him a Message to this
+purport: that unless he desisted, I should
+be obliged to keep my promise as to the
+Cudgel. Upon which he presently surceased.
+So much meanness had he, even,
+as to fudge up a pretended debt of nineteen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>
+guineas against me as for money lent, for
+the which I was arrested by bailiffs and
+conveyed&mdash;being taken at Jonathan's&mdash;to a
+vile spunging-house in Little Bell Alley,
+Moorfields; but the keeper of the House
+stood my friend, and procured a Bail for
+me in the shape of an Honest Gentleman,
+who was to be seen every day about Westminster
+Hall with a straw in his shoe, and
+for a crown and a dinner at the eating-house
+would suddenly become worth five hundred
+a year, or at least swear himself black in the
+face that such was his estate:&mdash;which was
+all that was required. And when it came
+to justifying of Bail before the Judges, what
+so easy as to hire a suit of clothes in Monmouth
+Street, and send him into court fully
+equipped as a reputable gentleman? However,
+there was no occasion for this, for on
+the very night of my enlargement I won
+fifty guineas at the tables; and walking
+very Bold to my Lord's House, sends up
+the nineteen guineas to my Lord with a
+note, asking to what lawyer I should pay
+the cost of suit, and whether I should wait<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span>
+upon him at his Levee for a receipt. On
+the which he, still with the fear of a cudgelling
+before his eyes, sends me down a
+Receipt in Full, <i>and the Money back to boot</i>,
+begging me to trouble myself in no way
+about the lawyer; which, I promise you, I
+did not. And so an end of this troublesome
+acquaintance,&mdash;a profitable one enough to
+me while it lasted. As for Miss Jenny, her
+Behaviour soon became as light as her name.
+I have heard that she got into trouble about
+a Spanish Merchant that was flung down
+stairs and nigh killed, and that but for the
+Favour of Justice Cogwell, who had a hankering
+for her, 'twould have been a Court-Job.
+Afterwards I learnt that she had
+been seen beating Hemp in Bridewell in a
+satin sack laced with silver; and I warrant
+that she was fain to cry, "Knock! oh, good
+Sir Robert, knock!" many a time before the
+Blue-coated Beadles on court day had done
+swingeing of her.</p>
+
+<p>There are certain periods in the life even
+of the most fortunate man when his Luck is
+at a desperately low ebb,&mdash;when everything<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>
+seems to go amiss with him,&mdash;when nothing
+that he can turn his hand to prospers,&mdash;when
+friends desert him, and the companions
+of his sunshiny days chide him for not
+having made better use of his opportunities,&mdash;when,
+Do what he will, he cannot avert
+the Black Storm,&mdash;when Ruin seems impending,
+and Catastrophe is on the cards,&mdash;when
+he is Down, in a word, and the despiteful
+are getting ready to gibe at him in
+his Misfortune, and to administer unto him
+the last Kick. These times of Trial and
+Bitter Travail ofttimes strike one who has
+just attained Middle age,&mdash;the Halfway-House
+of Life; and then, 'tis the merest
+chance in the world whether he will be
+enabled to pick himself up again, or be condemned
+for evermore to poverty and contumely,&mdash;to
+the portion of weeds and out-worn
+faces. I do confess that about this
+period of my career things went very badly
+with me, and that I was grievously hard-driven,
+not alone to make both ends meet,
+but to discover anything that could have its
+ending in a Meal of Victuals. I have heard<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span>
+that some of the greatest Prelates, Statesmen,
+Painters, Captains, and Merchants&mdash;I
+speak not of Poets, for it is their eternal
+portion, seemingly, to be born, to live, and
+to Die Poor&mdash;have suffered the like straits
+at some time or another of their lives.
+Many times, however, have I put it on
+record in these pages, that Despair and I
+were never Bedfellows. As for Suicide, I
+do condemn it, and abhor it utterly, as the
+most cowardly, Dishonest, and unworthy
+Method to which a Man can resort that he
+may rid himself of his Difficulties. To
+make a loathsome unhandsome corpse of
+yourself, and deny yourself Christian Burial,
+nay, run the risk of crowner's quest, and
+interment at the meeting of four cross-roads
+with a Stake driven through your Heart.
+Oh, 'tis shameful! Hang yourself, forsooth!
+why should you spend money in threepenny
+cord, when Jack Ketch, if you deserve it,
+will hang you for nothing, and the County
+find the rope? Take poison! why, you are
+squeamish at accepting physic from the
+doctor, which may possibly do you good.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span>
+Why, then, should you swallow a vile mess
+which you are <i>certain</i> must do you harm?
+Fall upon your sword, as Tully&mdash;I mean
+Brutus&mdash;or some of those old Romans, were
+wont to do when the Game was up! In the
+first place, I should like to see the man,
+howsoever expert a fencer, who could so
+tumble on his own blade and kill himself.
+'Tis easier to swallow a sword than to fall
+upon one, and the first is quite as much a
+Mountebank's Trick as t'other. Blow your
+brains out! A mighty fine climax truly, to
+make a Horrible Mess all over the floor, and
+frighten the neighbours out of their wits,
+besides, as a waggish friend of mine has it,
+rendering yourself stone-deaf for life. If it
+comes to powder and ball, why, a Man of
+courage would much sooner blow out somebody
+else's Brains instead of his own.</p>
+
+<p>I did not, I am thankful to say, want
+Bread during this my time of ill luck; and
+I never parted with my sword; but sure it
+is that Jack Dangerous was woundily
+pushed, and had to adopt many extraordinary
+shifts for a livelihood. <i><ins title="Transcriber's Note: this word not italicised in original text'">Item.</ins></i> I engaged<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span>
+myself to one Mr. O'Teague, an
+Irishman, that had been a pupil of the
+famous Mr. Figg, Master of the Noble Art
+of Self-Defence, at his Theatre of Arms, on
+the right hand side of the Oxford Road,
+near Adam and Eve Court. Mr. Figg was,
+as is well known, the very Atlas of the
+Sword; and Mr. O'Teague's body was a
+very Mass of Scars and Cicatrices gotten in
+hand-to-hand conflicts with the broadsword
+on the public stage. He had once presumed
+to rival Mr. Figg, whence arose a cant saying
+of the time, "A fig for the Irish;" but
+having been honourably vanquished by him,
+even to the slicing of his nose in two pieces,
+the cracking of his crown in sundry places,
+and the scoring of his body as though it had
+been a Loin of Pork for the Bakehouse, he
+was taken into his service, and became a
+principal figure in all the grand gladiatorial
+encounters, at wages of forty shillings a
+week and his meat. As for Mr. Figg himself,
+who was as good at backsword as at
+broadsword, at quarter-staff as at foil, and
+at fisticuffs as any one of them,&mdash;to say<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span>
+nothing of his Cornish wrestling,&mdash;I saw
+him once, and shall never forget him. There
+was a Majesty blazed in his countenance
+and shone in all his actions beyond all I
+ever beheld. His right leg bold and firm;
+and his Left, which could hardly ever be
+disturbed, gave him the surprising advantages
+he so often proved, and struck his
+Adversary with Despair and Panic. He
+had that peculiar way of stepping in, in a
+Parry, which belongs to the Grand School
+alone; he knew his arm, and its just time
+of moving; put a firm faith in that, and
+never let his foe escape a parry. He was
+just as much as great a master as any I
+ever saw, as he was a greater judge of time
+and Measure. It was his method, when he
+fought in his Amphitheatre, to send round
+to a select number of his scholars to borrow
+a shirt for the ensuing combat, and seldom
+failed of half-a-dozen of superfine Holland
+from his prime Pupils. Most of the young
+Nobility and Gentry made it a part of
+their education to march under his warlike
+banner. Most of his Scholars were at every<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span>
+battle, and were sure to exult at their great
+master's victories; every person supposing
+he saw the wounds his shirt received. Then
+Mr. Figg would take an opportunity to inform
+his Lenders of the charm their Linen
+had received, with an offer to send the
+garments home; but he seldom received any
+other answer than "Hang you, keep it."
+A most ingenious and courageous person,
+and immeasurably beyond all his competitors,
+such as O'Teague, Will Holmes, Felix
+Maguire, Broughton, Sutton, and the like.</p>
+
+<p>Many good bouts with all kinds of
+weapons did we have at Mr. O'Teague's
+theatre, which was down a Stable-yard
+behind Newport Market, not far from
+Orator Henley's chapel. The shirt man&oelig;uvre
+we tried over and over again with
+varying success; but we found it in the
+end impossible to preserve order among
+our Patrons, the greater part of whom were
+Butchers; and I am fain to admit that
+many of these unctuous sky-blue jerkins
+could fight as well as we. Then Mr. O'Teague
+was much given to drinking, and in his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span>
+potations quarrelsome. 'Twas all very well
+fighting on a stage for profit, and with
+the chance of applause, a clean shirt, and
+perchance a Right Good Supper given to us
+by our admirers afterwards at some neighbouring
+Tavern; but I never could see the
+humour of Swashbuckling for nothing, and
+without occasion; and as my Employer was
+somewhat too prompt to call in cold iron
+when his Head was so Hot, I shook hands
+with him, and bade him find another assistant.
+This was the Mr. O'Teague that was
+afterwards so unfortunate as to be hanged
+at Tyburn for devalising a gentleman at
+Roehampton. Great interest was made to
+save him, his very prosecutor (who knew
+not at the first his assailant, or that he
+had been driven to the road by hard times)
+heading the signatures to a petition for him.
+But 'twas all in vain. He made a beautiful
+end of it in a fine white nightcap fringed;
+and his funeral was attended by some of
+the most eminent swordsmen in town, who
+had a gallant set-to afterwards for the benefit
+of his widow. 'Tis sad to think of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span>
+numbers of brave men that I have known,
+and how many of them are Hanged.</p>
+
+<p>About this time I was much with the
+Players, but misliked them exceedingly;
+and although numbers of brilliant offers
+were made to me, I could not be persuaded
+to try the sock and buskin. Hard as were
+the names by which my enemies would
+sometimes call me, I could never abide that
+of Rogue and Vagabond, and such, by Act
+of Parliament, was the player at that time.
+No, I said, whatever straits I am driven to,
+I will be a Soldier of Fortune, and Captain
+Dangerous to the last.</p>
+
+<p>Of my Adventure with Madam Taffetas
+the Widow, I am not disposed to say much.
+Indeed, until my being finally settled, and
+made the Happiest Man upon earth by my
+union with the departed Saint who was the
+mother of my Lilias, it must be admitted
+that my commerce with the Sex was mostly
+of the unluckiest description. I have been
+used most shamefully by women; but it
+behoves me not to complain, seeing how
+much felicity I was permitted to enjoy in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span>
+my latter days. This much, however, I will
+discreetly set down. That meeting Madam
+Taffetas in a side box at Drury Lane play-house,
+She was pleased to accept my
+Addresses, and to inform me that my conversation
+was in the highest degree tasteful
+to her. I entertained her very handsomely&mdash;indeed
+much beyond my means, for I
+was very heavily in debt for necessaries,
+and I could scarcely walk the streets
+without apprehensions of the grim Sergeant
+with his capias. Madam Taffetas
+was an exceedingly comely person, amazingly
+well dressed, and, as I was given to
+understand, in very prosperous circumstances.
+She kept an Italian Warehouse
+by the Sign of The two Olive Posts, in the
+broad part of the Strand, almost opposite to
+Exeter Change, and sold all sorts of Italian
+Silks, Lustrings, Satins, Paduasoys, Velvets,
+Damasks, Fans, Leghorn Hats, Flowers,
+Violin Strings, Books of Essences, Venice
+Treacle, Balsams, Florence Cordials, Oil,
+Olives, Anchovies, Capers, Vermicelli, Bologna
+Sausages, Parmesan Cheese, Naples<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span>
+Soap, and similar delicate cates from foreign
+parts. All her friends put her down as a
+forty-thousand-pounder. In Brief, she professed
+to be satisfied with my gentility and
+Ancient Lineage, though worldly goods I
+had none to offer her. All congratulated
+me on my Good Fortune; and not wanting
+to make any unnecessary bustle about the
+affair, we took coach one fine Monday morning
+down to Fleet Market, and were married
+by a Fleet parson&mdash;none other, indeed, than
+my old friend Chaplain Hodge, who had
+taken to this way of life and found it very
+profitable, marrying his twenty or thirty
+couple a week, when Business was brisk, at
+fees varying from five guineas to seven-and-sixpence,
+and from a dozen of Burgundy to
+half a pint of Geneva. But 'twas a rascally
+business, the venerable man said, and he
+sorely longed for the good old days when he,
+and I, and Squire Pinchin, made the Grand
+Tour together. Alas, for that poor little
+man! His Reverence told me that he had
+gone from bad to worse; that his Mamma
+had married a knavish lawyer, who so bewildered<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span>
+Mr. Pinchin with Mortgages, and
+Deeds of Gift, and Loans at usurious interest,
+that he got at last the whole of his property
+from him, brought him in many thousands
+in debt besides, and, after keeping him
+for three years locked up and half-starved
+in the Compter, was only forced to consent
+to his enlargement when the unhappy little
+man&mdash;whose head was never of the strongest,
+and his wits always going a wool-gathering&mdash;went
+stark-staring mad, and was, by
+the City charity, removed to Bedlam Hospital
+in Moorfields. There he raved for a
+time, imagining himself to be the Pope of
+Rome, with a paper-cap for a tiara, an ell-wand
+for a crosier, a blanket for a rochet,
+and bestowing his blessings on the other
+Maniacs with much force and vehemence;
+and there, poor demented creature, he died
+in the year 1740.</p>
+
+<p>Much better would it have been for me,
+had I gone straight off my Head and had
+been sent to howl in Bedlam, than that I
+should have married that same thievish catamaran,
+Madam Taffetas. Surely never<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span>
+Madman deserved a Dark House and a
+Whip more than I did for that most foolishly
+contracted union. I defy Calumny to
+prove that I ever used anything approaching
+false Representations in this matter. I
+told her plainly that my Hand, Sword, and
+Deep Devotion were all I had to offer, and
+that for mere vile pounds, shillings, and
+pence, and other Mercantile Arrangements, I
+must look to her. Absolutely I borrowed ten
+pieces, although I was then at a very Low
+Ebb, to defray the expenses of the wedding
+Treat, which was done most handsomely at
+the Bible and Crown, in Pope's Head Alley,
+Cornhill. "Now then," I said to myself, as
+we came home towards the Strand (for we
+were resolved to have no foolish honeymooning
+in the Country, but to remain in town
+and keep an eye to Business)&mdash;"now then,
+Jack Dangerous, thou art at last Married
+and Settled, and need trouble thyself no
+more about the cares and anxieties of
+money-grubbing and bread-getting. Thou
+art tiled-in handsomely, Jack; thatched and
+fenced, and girt about with Comfort and Re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span>spectability.
+Thy hat is on, and thy house
+is covered." Alas, poor fool! alas, triply
+distilled zany and egregiously doting idiot!
+No sooner did a Hackney coach set us down
+at the Leghorn Warehouse in the broad part
+of the Strand, than we found Margery the
+maid and Tom the shopboy in a great confusion
+of tears on the threshold; and immediately
+afterwards we heard that during
+our absence to get married, Bailiffs had
+made their entrance, and seized all the Merchandise
+for a bill owing by Madam Taffetas
+to her Factor of Seven Hundred Pounds.
+The false Quean that I was wedded to was
+hopelessly bankrupt, and with the greatest
+impudence in the world she calls upon me
+to pay the Money; the Bailiffs adding, with
+a grin, that to their knowledge she owed
+much more than their Execution stood for,
+and that no doubt, so soon as it was bruited
+abroad that I was her Husband, the Sheriff
+of Middlesex would have something to say
+to me in the way of a capias against my person.
+In vain did I Rave and Swear, and
+endeavour to show that I could in no way<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span>
+be held liable for Debts which I had never
+contracted. Such, I was told, was the Law;
+and such it remains to this day, to the Great
+Scandal of justice, and the detriment of
+Gentlemen cavalieros who may be entrapped
+into marrying vulgar Adventuresses whom
+they deem Gentlewomen of Property, and
+who turn out instead to be not worth two-pence-halfpenny
+in the world. Nor were
+words wanting to add dire Insult to this
+astounding Injury; for Madam Taffetas,
+now Dangerous, as I groaningly remembered,
+must needs call me Mercenary Rascal,
+Shuffling Pickthank, Low-minded Fortune-hunter,
+and the like unkind names.</p>
+
+<p>Madam Dangerous indeed! But I am
+thankful to Providence that the title she
+assumed very soon fell away from her, and
+that I was once more left free and Independent.
+For whilst we were in the very
+midst of Hot Dispute and violent Recrimination
+comes a great noise at the door as
+though some one were striving to Batter
+it down. And then Margery the maid and
+Tom the shop-lad began to howl and yelp<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span>
+again, crying out Murder and thieves, and
+that they were undone, the Bailiffs smoking
+their Pipes and drinking their Beer meanwhile,
+as though they enjoyed the Humours
+of the Scene hugely, and my wicked wife
+now pretending to faint, and now making
+at me with the avowed Design of tearing
+my eyes out. Presently comes lurching
+and staggering into the room a Great Hulking
+Brute of a Man that was attired like a
+Sea Captain; and this Roystering Tarpaulin
+makes up without more ado to my Precious
+Partner, gives her two sounding Busses on
+either side of her cheeks, and salutes her as
+his wife.</p>
+
+<p>"Your wife!" I cried, starting up; "why,
+she's my wife! I married her this very
+morning, and to my sorrow, before Parson
+Hodge, the Couple-Beggar, at the Fleet."</p>
+
+<p>"That may be, Brother," answers the Sea
+Captain, with drunken gravity; "but she's
+my wife, for all that. You married her
+this morning, you say. I married her five
+years ago, at Horsleydown, and in the
+Parish church. I've got the 'Stifficate to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span>
+prove it; and though I say it that shouldn't,
+there's not a Finer woman, with a neater
+ankle and such a Devil of a temper, to be
+found 'twixt Beachy Head and Cape Horn."</p>
+
+<p>"A fig for both of you," bellows Madam
+Taffetas, who had gone into one of her
+Sham Faints in the arm-chair, but was now
+conveniently recovered again. "If I'm
+married to both of you&mdash;to you, you pitiless
+Grampus" (this was to the Sea Captain),
+"and to you, Ruffian, Bully, and Stabster"
+(this was to <i>me</i>), "I'm married to somebody
+else, and my real Husband is a Gentleman,
+who, if he were here, would quoit the pair of
+you into the street from Exeter Change to
+the Fox under the Hill."</p>
+
+<p>She said this in one Scream, and then
+Fainted, or pretended to Faint again.</p>
+
+<p>"Brother," said the Sea Captain to me,
+staggering a little (for he confessed to
+having much mixed punch under hatches),
+but still very grave,&mdash;"brother, I think as
+how it's clear that we're both of us d&mdash;d
+fools, and d&mdash;d lucky fellows at the same
+time."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Amen!" cries one of the Bailiffs, with a
+guffaw.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>You</i> belay," remarked the Captain,
+turning towards the vermin of Law with
+profound disdain. "Brother" (turning to
+me), "is the Press out?"</p>
+
+<p>"What do you mean?" I inquired.
+"You know that there's no warrant for
+press-gangs in this part of the Liberties of
+Westminster."</p>
+
+<p>"Liberty be Hanged!" quoth the Sea
+Captain. "If there was any liberty, there
+couldn't be a press, for which I don't care a
+groat, for I'm a master mariner. This is
+what I mean. Is them landlubbers there
+part of a press-gang? Are you trapped,
+brother? Are you in the bilboes? Are
+you in any danger of being put under
+hatches?"</p>
+
+<p>"Why," upspoke one of the Bailiffs,
+answering for me, "the truth is that we
+are Sheriff's Sergeants, and have made
+seizure, according to due writ of <i>fi. fa.</i> of this
+worthy lady's goods. We've nothing at all
+against the gentleman who says that he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span>
+married her this morning; but as you said
+that you married her five years ago, it's
+very likely that we, or some of our mates,
+shall have something to say to you, in the
+form of parchment, between this and noon
+to-morrow."</p>
+
+<p>"Very well," answers the Strange Seaman.
+"You speak like a Man o' War's
+chaplain, some Lies and some Lingo, but
+all of it d&mdash;d Larned. Have you got ere a
+drop of rum, brother?"</p>
+
+<p>"There's nothing here but some Three-Thread
+Swipes," responds Mr. Bailiff;
+"and, indeed, we were waiting until the
+gentleman treated us to something better."</p>
+
+<p>"Then," continues the Captain, "you
+shall have some rum. Younker, go and
+fetch these gentlemen some liquor;" and he
+flings a crown to the shop-lad. "You may
+drink your grog and blow your baccy," he
+went on, "as long as ever you like, and
+much good may it do you. And as for you,
+Pig-faced Nan,"&mdash;in this uncivil manner
+did he address the false Madam Taffetas,&mdash;"you
+may go to bed, or to the Devil, 'zactly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span>
+as you choose, and settle your Business with
+the Bailiffs in the morning 'zactly as you
+like. And you and I, brother," he wound
+up, taking me by the arm in quite a friendly
+manner, "will just go and take our grog
+and blow our baccy in peace and quietness,
+and thank the Lord for it."</p>
+
+<p>All this he said with great thickness and
+indistinctness of utterance, but with an immovable
+gravity of countenance. I never
+saw a Man who was manifestly so Drunk
+speak so sensibly, and behave himself in
+such a proper manner in my life.</p>
+
+<p>As he turned on his heel to leave the
+parlour where all this took place, I saw one
+of the Bailiffs rise stealthily as if to follow
+us.</p>
+
+<p>"Belay there!" the Captain cried, advancing
+his mahogany paw in a warning
+manner. "Hold hard, shipmates. I'm a
+peaceable man, and aboard they call me
+Billy the Lamb; but, by the Lord Harry,
+if I catch you sneaking about, or trying to
+find out where I and this noble gentleman
+be agoing, I'm blest if I don't split your skull<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span>
+in two with this here speaking-trumpet."
+And so saying the Captain produced a
+very long tin tube, such as Mariners carry
+to make their voices heard at a distance
+at sea, but which they generally have
+aboard, and do not carry with them in their
+walks.</p>
+
+<p>The Bailiffs were sensible men, and forbore
+to intermeddle with us any more. So
+we marched out of the House, it being now
+about nine o'clock at night; and, upon my
+word, from that moment to this, I never
+set eyes upon Madam Taffetas, or Dangerous,
+or Blokes,&mdash;for the Sea Captain's
+name, he afterwards told me, was Blokes,&mdash;or
+whatever her real name was. It is very
+certain that she used me most scandalously,
+and cruelly betrayed the trusting confidence
+of one that was not only a Bachelor,
+but an Orphan.</p>
+
+<p>Captain Blokes was a strange character.
+We had a grand Carouse that night, he
+paying the Shot like a gentleman; and over
+our flowing Bowls, he told me that he had
+long had suspicions of his wife's real cha<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span>racter;
+and was, indeed, in possession of
+evidence (though he had kept it secret) to
+prove that she had given herself in marriage
+to another man before she had wedded
+him. And then, through the serving-lad,
+he had heard that very morning, on his
+coming into the Pool from Gravesend and
+Foreign Parts, that Madam, who thought
+him in China at least, and hoped him Dead,
+was about to enter into Wedlock once
+again; so that, determined to have Sport,
+he had well Primed himself with Punch,
+and lurked about the neighbourhood until
+Monsieur Tomfool and his Spouse (by
+which I mean myself, although no other
+man should call me so) had come home
+from the Fleet. And so all the Crying,
+and Lord ha' Mercies, of the Wench and
+the Boy, were all subterfuges; and they
+knew very well, the sly rogues, that the
+Sea Captain would soon be to the Fore.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing would suit him after this but
+that we should have Supper at the King of
+Prussia's Head, in the Savoy, and, as I had
+given up my Lodgings as not Grand enough<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span>
+for me on the eve of my wedding, and the
+Vessel of which he was Commander was
+lying in the Pool, that we should have Beds&mdash;at
+his charges&mdash;at the same Tavern; and,
+indeed, your Seafaring Men, although rough
+enough, and smelling woundily of tar and
+bilge-water, are the most Hospitable Creatures
+breathing; and that makes Me so free
+with my Money when there is a treat afoot;
+albeit I can, without Vanity, declare myself
+Amphibious, for I have seen as much service
+by Sea as by Land, and have always
+approved myself a Gentleman of Courage,
+Honour, and Discretion, on both Elements.</p>
+
+<p>The next morning, after a Nip of Aquavit&aelig;,
+to clear the Cobwebs out of our throats,
+we went down to Billingsgate, where we saw
+my old humorous acquaintances, Brandy
+Sall, the fishwife, and the humorous porter,
+the Duke of Puddledock; likewise a merry
+Wag that did porterage work for the Fish
+Factors in the Market, and thereby seemed
+to have caught somewhat of the form of the
+fish beneath which his shoulders were continually
+groaning, so that all who could take<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span>
+that liberty with him called him Cod's Head
+and Shoulders. Here we breakfasted on
+new Oysters and Fried Flounders, with a
+lappet of Kippered Salmon, for Goodman
+Thirst's sake, and a rare bowl of hot Coffee,
+which made us relish a Jug of Punch afterwards
+in a highly jocund manner. And
+then we fell to conversation; and I, who had
+nothing to Conceal, and nothing to be
+Ashamed of, did recount those of my Adventures
+which I deemed would be most
+diverting (for I forbore to tell him those
+which were tedious and uneventful) to
+Captain Blokes. And he, not to be behindhand
+in frank confidence, told me how many
+years he had been at sea; how many merchant
+vessels he had commanded; and what
+Luck he had had in his divers Trading
+Adventures. Likewise, that he was now
+under engagement with some very worthy
+Merchants of Bristol, to man, equip, and
+command a vessel called the <i>Marquis</i>, which,
+in company with two others, the <i>Hope</i> and
+the <i>Delight</i>, were about to undertake a
+Cruising Voyage round the World. Find<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span>ing
+from my speech that I was not wholly
+unaccustomed to the Sea, and being made
+acquainted with what I had done in the
+West Indies and elsewhere, Captain Blokes
+was pleased to say that I was the very man
+for him, if I would join him. And at this
+time, in verity, it seemed as though nothing
+could suit me better; for my Resources were
+quite exhausted, and I was brought very
+Low. So, after some further parley, and a
+good Beefsteak and Onions, and a bottle of
+Portugee Wine for dinner, we went to the
+Scrivener's in Thames Street, by the name
+of Pritchett, that was Agent for the Company
+of Merchant Adventurers at Bristol;
+and an Agreement was drawn up, by which,
+for Fifty Shillings a month pay, all due
+rations and allowances, and a certain proportion
+of the profits to be divided among
+the Ship's Company at the termination of
+our Adventure, I bound myself to serve
+Captain Blokes as Secretary and Purser of
+the ship <i>Marquis</i>.</p>
+
+<p>"Which means," says he, when we had
+taken a Dram and shaken hands on signing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span>
+articles, "that you are to Write, Fight,
+Drink, and keep Accompts, play put with
+me in the Cabin, assist me in preserving the
+Discipline of the Ship, sing a good song
+when you are called upon, help the Doctor
+to take care of the sick, and see that the
+Steward don't steal the Grog and Tobacco;
+and if you'll stick to me, by the Lord Harry,
+Billy Blokes will stick to you. I like you
+because you were such a d&mdash;d fool as to go
+and marry that old woman."</p>
+
+<p>The next day we took Coach at the Swan,
+by Paddington Church, for Bristol, and two
+days afterwards arrived at that great and
+flourishing Mercantile city. Nothing worthy
+of note on the road; the Highwaymen, that
+were wont to be so troublesome, being mostly
+put down, owing to Justice Fielding and De
+Vit's stringent measures. We were much
+beset with gangs of wild Irish coming over
+from their own country a-harvesting in our
+fertile fields; and those gentry were like to
+have bred a riot, quarrelling with the English
+husbandmen at Stow. Being at Bristol,
+comfortably housed at the Bible and Crown<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span>
+in Wine Street,&mdash;the landlord much given
+to swearing, but one of the best hands at
+making of Mum that ever I knew,&mdash;Captain
+Blokes had great work in settling business
+with the Company of Merchant Adventurers
+and Alderman Quarterbutt, their President.
+As it seems we were at war with the French
+and Spaniards, the <i>Marquis</i> (burden about
+320 tons) was to carry twenty-six guns and
+a complement of 108 men, letters of marque
+being granted to us by private Commission,
+with secret instruction as to Prizes and
+Plunder, so that the disposal of both should
+redound to the advantage of the Mariners,
+the Profit of our Employers, and the honour
+of His Majesty's arms. We had nigh double
+the usual complement of officers usual in
+private ships, to prevent Mutinies, which
+ofttimes happen in long voyages, and that
+we might have a large provision for a succession
+of officers in case of Mortality. In
+the <i>Marquis</i> we had Captain Blokes, commander-in-chief
+of the whole Armament, a
+Mariner; a Second Captain, who was a Dr.
+of Physick, and also acted as President of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span>
+our Committee (having much book-learning),
+and Commander of the Marines; two Leftenants;
+a Sailing Master; a Pilot that was
+well acquainted with the South Seas, having
+been in those latitudes twice before; a
+Surgeon and his Mate, or Loblolly Boy;
+Self as Secretary and Purser; two young
+lawyers, designed to act as Midshipmen;
+Giles Cash, as Reformado,&mdash;that was the title
+of courtesy given to those who were sent to
+sea in lieu of being hanged; a Gunner and
+his crew; a Boatswain, cooper, carpenter,
+sailmaker, smith, and armourer, ship's corporal,
+Sergeant of Marines, cook; a Negro
+that could shave and play the fiddle; and
+the Ship's company as aforesaid, one-third
+of whom were foreigners of every nation
+under the Sun; and of those that were His
+Majesty's subjects, many Tinkers, Tailors,
+Haymakers, Pedlars, &amp;c.&mdash;a terribly mixed
+Gang, requiring much three-strand cord to
+keep 'em in order.</p>
+
+<p>On the 2nd August, 1748, we weighed
+from King's Road, by Bristol, and at ten at
+night, having very little wind, anchored be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span>tween
+the Holms and Minehead. Coming
+on a fresh gale at S.E. and E.S.E., we ran
+by Minehead at six in the morning. Next
+day the wind veered to N.E. and E.N.E.;
+on the 4th there was but little wind, and
+smooth water; on the 5th we saw Land;
+and finding that we had overshot our port,
+which was Cork, came to an anchor at noon
+off the two rocks near Kinsale. At eight
+at night we weighed, having a Kinsale Pilot
+on board, who was like to have endangered
+our safety, the night being dark and foggy,
+and the Pilot not understanding his Business;
+so that he nearly turned us into the
+next Bay to the westward of Cork, which
+provoked Captain Blokes to chastise him
+publicly on the quarter-deck. Our two
+consorts got into Cork before us, and we
+did not anchor in the Cove until the 7th
+August, at three in the afternoon. We
+stayed here until the 28th of the month,
+getting in stores and provisions, and replacing
+as many of our tailors and haymakers
+as we could with real Sailors that could
+work the Ship. Our crew, however, were<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span>
+continually Marrying while we were at Cork,
+to the great Merriment of Self and Captain
+Blokes, who had seen enough and to spare
+of that Game; but they <i>would</i> be Spliced,
+although they expected to sail immediately;
+among others, there was a Danish man
+coupled by a Romish Priest to an Irish
+woman, without understanding a word of
+each other's language, so that they were
+forced to use an Interpreter; yet I perceived
+this pair seemed more afflicted at separation
+than any of the rest. The Fellow
+continued melancholy for many days after
+we were at Sea. The rest, understanding
+each other and the world better, drank their
+cans of Flip till the very last Minute, concluded
+with a health to our good voyage
+and their next Happy Meeting, and then
+Departed, quite unconcerned.</p>
+
+<p>We took sailing orders on the 1st of September;
+and then Captain Blokes discovered
+to the crew whither we were bound,&mdash;that
+is to say, on a four years' voyage,&mdash;in order
+that, if any Disorders should arise among
+us, we might exchange our Malcontents<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span>
+while in company with one of His Majesty's
+ships. But no complaint was found on
+board the <i>Marquis</i>, except from one fellow
+who was expected to have been Tithing man
+that year in his Parish, and said his wife
+would be obliged to pay Forty shillings in
+his absence; but seeing all hands satisfied,
+he was easily quieted, and drank with the
+rest to a prosperous voyage. On the 2nd
+September we, having cleaned and tallowed
+our ship's five streaks below the Water-line,
+the fiddler struck up "Lumps o' Pudding,"
+and to follow that "Cold and Raw," the
+Ship's company joining chorus with a will,
+and so fell down to the Spit End by the
+<i>Culloden</i> Man of War, as our two Consorts
+had done the Night before. When we came
+to the Spit End, Captain Blokes saluted the
+<i>Culloden</i> with seven Guns, to which they
+returned Five in courtesy, and then we
+again Three for thanks. And so commenced
+my Journey round the World.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span></p>
+<h2>CHAPTER THE SECOND.</h2>
+
+<h3>MERCATOR HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Meaning</span> simply this, that I have often and
+often, as a little Lad, gazed upon the Great
+Map&mdash;very yellow, and shiny, and cracked
+on its canvas mounting it was&mdash;of the
+World, upon Mercator's Projection, and
+devoutly longed for the day to arrive when
+it might be my fortune to make a Voyage
+of Circumnavigation. Such a Map, I remember,
+hung in the Schoolroom at Gnawbit's;
+and I have often been cruelly beaten
+for gazing at it and pondering over it, instead
+of endeavouring to commit to memory
+a quantity of Words, the meaning of which
+I could not for the life of me understand.</div>
+
+<p>Now, indeed, I had got my Desire, and
+was going round the World in a Ship well<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span>
+found with Men and Stores, occupying myself
+a responsible position, and one giving
+me some Authority, and enjoying the full
+Confidence of my Commander, who was,
+both when sober and inebriated (and he
+was mostly the latter), one of the most
+sagacious men I ever knew. He spoke seldom,
+and then generally with a Hiccup;
+but what he said was always to the Purpose.
+I doubt not, if Captain Blokes had
+been in the Royal Navy, he would by this
+time be flying his pendant as Admiral.</p>
+
+<p>'Twould fill a volume to give you a Narrative,
+however brief, of our Voyage. One
+does not go round the World quite so easily
+as a Cit taking a Wherry from Lambeth
+Walk to Chelsea Reach. No, no, my Masters;
+there are Perils to encounter, Obstacles
+to overcome, Difficulties to surmount;
+and I flatter myself that Jack Dangerous
+was not found wanting when a Stout Heart,
+a Strong Hand, and a Clear Head were
+needed. I repeat that 'tis impossible for
+me to give you an exact Log of so lengthy
+a Cruise; and you must needs be content<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span>
+if I set down a few bare Items of the most
+notable Things that befell us.</p>
+
+<p>On 11th September we chased a strange
+Sail, and after three hours came up with
+her. She proved to be a Swedishman.
+After firing a couple of shots at full Random
+at her, to show that we meant Mischief
+if provoked, and one of which Shots, I believe,
+passed over her Taffrail, and killed a
+Black Servant and the Captain's Monkey,
+Captain Blokes boarded her in his Yall;
+examined the Master, and searched the Ship
+for Contraband of War; but not finding any
+save a suspicious quantity of salted Reindeer's
+Tongues, our Committee agreed that
+she could not be considered a lawful Prize;
+and not being willing to hinder time by carrying
+her into any Harbour for further
+Examination, we let her go without the
+least Embezzlement. The Master gave us
+a dozen of his Reindeer Tongues, and a piece
+of dry Rufft Beef; and we presented him
+with a dozen bottles of Red-streak Cider.
+But while Captain Blokes and the Doctor
+of Physic and Self were aboard the Swede<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span>
+taking a social Glass with him, our rascally
+crew took it into their heads to Mutiny,
+their Grievance being that the vessel was a
+Contraband, and ought to be made a Prize
+of. The plain truth was, that the Rogues
+thirsted for Plunder. The Boatswain was
+one of the Mutineers. Him we caused to
+receive Four Dozen from the hands of his
+own Mates, and well laid on; about a dozen
+of the rest we put in Irons, after having
+Drubbed 'em soundly, and fed 'em upon
+Bread-and-Water; but at the end of a few
+days they begged Pardon, and, on promising
+Amendment, were allowed to return to
+their Duty.</p>
+
+<p>18th September we came in sight of Pico
+Teneriffe, bearing S.W. by W., distant about
+eight leagues. This day we spied a Sail
+under our Lee Bow, between the Islands of
+Grand Canaries and Forteventura. She
+showed us a clean Pair of Heels; but we
+gave Chase, and after seven hours came up
+with her. She proved a Prize, safe enough:
+a Spanish Bark, about 25 tons, with some
+45 Passengers, who rejoiced much when<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span>
+they found we were English, having fancied
+that we were Turks or Sallee Rovers.
+Amongst our Prisoners were four Friars,
+and with them the Padre Guardian of Forteventura,
+a good, honest old fellow, fat, and
+given to jollity. Him we made heartily
+merry, drinking the Spanish King's Health,
+for naught else would he Toast. After we
+had made all Snug, we stood to the Westward
+with our Prize to Teneriffe, to have
+her ransomed, that is to say, her Hull; for
+her Cargo was not worth redeeming, being
+extremely shabby,&mdash;one or two Butts of
+Wine, a Hogshead of Brandy, and other
+small matters, which we determined to keep
+for our own use. The Spanish Dons made
+a mighty pother about paying, pleading that
+the Trade of these Islands enjoyed an immunity
+from Privateering by arrangement
+between his Catholic Majesty and the King
+of Great Britain, and were even seconded
+by some English merchants of Teneriffe
+that were frightened at the thought of the
+cruel Reprisals the Dons might exercise
+after we went away, both on their Persons<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span>
+and Properties; for Jack Spaniard is one
+that, if he cannot have Meal, will have
+Malt. But we soon let 'em know that Possession
+was Nine Points of the Law, and
+that we were resolved to stick to our Prize
+unless we got Ransom, which they presently
+agreed to. At eight o'clock the next morning
+we stood into the Port, close to the
+Town, and spied a Boat coming off, which
+proved to be the Deputy Governor, a
+Spanish Don with as many names as an
+English pickpocket has Aliases, and one
+Mr. Harbottle, that was English Vice-Consul.
+They brought us Wine, Figs, Grapes,
+Hogs, and other Necessaries, as Ransom in
+Kind for the Bark; and accordingly we
+restored her, as also the Prisoners, with as
+much as we could find of what belonged to
+their Persons; although, Truth to tell, some
+of our wild Reformadoes had used them
+somewhat unhandsomely. All the Books,
+Crucifixes, Reliques, and other superstitious
+things, we carefully gave back to the Friars;
+to the Padre a large Cheese, at which he
+was much delighted; and to another Reli<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span>gious,
+who had been stripped nearly as bare
+as a Robin, a pair of Breeches and a Red
+Nightcap. And so stood off, giving Three
+Cheers for King George, and one, with
+better luck next time, for the King of Spain;
+and I doubt not that they cursed us heartily
+that same night in their Churches, for Heretics.
+Now we had an indifferent good stock
+of Liquor, to be the better able to endure
+the Cold when we got to the length of Cape
+Horn, which, we were informed, had always
+very Cold Weather near it.</p>
+
+<p>On the 25th, according to custom, we
+Ducked those that had never passed the
+Tropic before. The manner of doing it was
+to reeve a Rope in the Mainyard, to hoist
+'em about half-way up to the Yard, and let
+'em fall at once into the Water; they being
+comfortably Trussed by having a Stick 'cross
+through their Legs, and well fastened to the
+Rope, that they might not be surprised and
+let go their Hold. This proved of great use
+to our Fresh-water Sailors, to recover the
+Colour of their Skins, which had grown very
+Black and Nasty. Those that we Ducked<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span>
+in this manner Three Times were about 60;
+and others that would not undergo it could
+redeem themselves by a Fine of Half-a-Crown,
+to be Levied and Spent at a Public
+Meeting of all the Ships' Companies when
+we returned to England. The Dutchmen
+we had on board, and some few English,
+desired to be Ducked, some six, others eight
+and ten times, to have the better title for
+being Treated when they came home.</p>
+
+<p>On the 1st October we made St. Vincent,
+where our Water began to smell insufferably;
+so had some Coopers from the <i>Hope</i> and
+<i>Delight</i> to make us Casks, and take in a fresh
+Stock.</p>
+
+<p>On the 3d we sent a boat to St. Antonio,
+with one of our Gunners' Crew that was a
+very fair Linguist, to get Truck for our
+Prize Goods what we wanted; they having
+plenty of Cattle, Pigs, Goats, Fowls, Melons,
+Potatoes, Limes, and ordinary Brandies,
+Tobacco, Indian Corn, &amp;c. Our people were
+very meanly stocked with Clothes; yet we
+were forced to watch our men very narrowly,
+and Punish some of 'em smartly, to prevent<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span>
+their selling what Garments they had, for
+mere Trifles, to the Negroes.</p>
+
+<p>We got all we wanted by the 8th; but
+our Linguist gave us leg-bail; and as he
+was much given to telling of Lies, we did
+not go to the pains of sending a party of
+Marines on shore after him. This is the
+place whither the Blacks come from St.
+Nicholas to make Oil of Turtle for the
+anointing of their Nasty Bodies withal.
+There was much good Green Turtle at this
+time of the year, which made me think of
+my old Jamaica days; but our men, in a
+body, refused to eat it, much preferring Salt
+Junk.</p>
+
+<p><i>Item.</i>&mdash;Many Flying Fish about here.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing more worthy of note till the 22d
+October, when Mr. Page, Second Mate, made
+an attack on his superior officer, the Doctor
+of Physic, with a Marline-spike; and, but
+for a very large Periwig he wore, which was
+accounted odd in one having a Maritime
+Command, would have finished him. Mr.
+Page was had to the Forecastle and clapped
+in the Bilboes, and Captain Blokes was for<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span>
+Hanging him off-hand as an Example to the
+rest; but I, as Secretary, pointed out to him
+that there was no Power of Life and Death
+in our Instructions, and that it would be
+folly to run the risk of a Pr&aelig;munire when
+we made Home again. With much trouble
+I succeeded in dissuading him from his
+Design: so that the Mate was only lashed
+to the Main-gears and soundly Drubbed.
+Fair, pleasant Weather, and a fresh Gale.
+One that had secreted a Peruke, and a pair
+of scarlet Stockings with silver Clocks, out
+of the plunder of the Spanish Bark, did also
+receive Rib-roasting enough (this was on a
+Sunday, after Prayers) to last him for a
+fortnight.</p>
+
+<p>On the 10th of November, after a terrific
+Tornado and Thunder and Lightning, that
+frightened some of our Tailors and Haymakers
+half into Fits, we came to an Anchor
+in 22-fathom water, in a sandy bay off the
+land of Brazil. Caught some Tortoises for
+their Shells, for they have too strong a taste
+to be Eatable. A Portugee boat came from
+a Cove in the Island of Grande, on our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span>
+Starboard side, and said they had been
+robbed by the French not long since. Captain
+Blokes, the Doctor, and Self went ashore
+to Angre de Keys, as it is called in Sea-Draughts;
+but, as the Portugee call it,
+Nostra Senora de la Concepcion, a small
+village about three leagues distant, to
+wait on the Governor, and make him
+a present of Butter and Cheese. As we
+neared the shore, the People, taking us for
+Mounseers, fired a few Musquetoons at us,
+which did us no Hurt; and when they found
+out who we were, they very Humbly Begged
+our Pardon. The Friars invited us to their
+Convent, and told us they had been so often
+stripped and abused by King Lewis's frog-eating
+Subjects, that they were obliged to
+take measures to Defend themselves; and,
+indeed, 'twas these said Padres who had
+fired at us. The Governor was gone to Rio
+Janeiro, a city about twelve leagues distant,
+but was expected back next day. We got
+our empty Casks ashore, and sent our Carpenter,
+with a friendly Portugee, to look out
+Wood for Trustle-trees, both our Main and
+Fore being broke; but the Weather was so<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span>
+Wet and violent Sultry, that we could do
+nothing. Here are abundant Graves of
+Dead Men; and the Portugees told us that
+two great French ships, homeward bound
+from the South Seas, that Watered in this
+same place about nine months before, had
+buried nearly Half their men here; but
+'twas at the Sickly season, and the French
+have a marvellous foul way of Living. The
+people very Civil; and we offered 'em handsome
+Gratuities if they would catch such of
+our men as might run away, which they
+promised to do most Cheerfully.</p>
+
+<p>Hearing of a Brigantine (this was some
+days afterwards) at the entrance of the Bay
+of Grande, we sent our Pinnace manned
+and armed to know all about her. She
+turned out to be a Portugee laden with
+Negroes, poor Creatures! for the Gold-mines.
+Our boat returned, and brought as
+presents a Roove of Fine Sugar and a Pot
+of Sweetmeats from the Master, who spoke
+a little English, and had formerly sailed
+with 'em. The Portugees are cautious in
+saying how far it is to the Gold-mines; but,
+I believe, the distance by water is not great;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span>
+and there is certainly abundance of Gold in
+the country. The French took about 1200<i>l.</i>
+worth out of their boats last autumn at one
+Haul, which makes the Portugees hate 'em
+so. Some of 'em brought us a Monstrous
+Creature which they had killed, having
+Prickles or Quills like a Hedgehog, and the
+head and tail of a Monkey. It stank
+abominably, which the Portugees said was
+only the Skin, and that the Meat of it was
+very Delicious, and often used for the table;
+but our men not being yet on Short Commons,
+none of 'em had Stomach enough to
+try the Experiment, so that we were forced
+to throw it overboard to make a Sweet Ship.
+Our people could now hardly go ashore
+without being frightened, as they thought,
+by Tigers, and holloaing to be taken aboard
+again; but there was nothing more dangerous
+hereabouts than Apes and Baboons.</p>
+
+<p>Twenty-seventh November was a grand
+Festival at Angre de Keys, in honour of one
+of their Saints. We, and most of our
+officers from the <i>Hope</i> and the <i>Delight</i>, went
+ashore and were received by the Governor,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span>
+Signor Raphael da Silva Lagos, with much
+civility. He asked if we would see the
+Convent and Procession; and on our telling
+him our Religion differed very much from
+his, answered that we were willing to see it
+without partaking in the Ceremony. We
+waited on him in a Body, being ten of us,
+with two Trumpets and Hautboys, which
+he desired might play us to Church, where
+our Music did the office of an Organ, but
+separate from the Singing, which was very
+well chanted by the Padres. Our Trumpets
+and Hautboys played "Hey Boys, up go
+we!" and all manner of paltry noisy tunes;
+and, after service, the Musicians, who were
+by this time more than half-drunk, marched
+at the head of the Company: next to them
+an old Padre and two Friars, carrying
+Lamps of Incense. Then the Image of the
+Saint, as Fine as a Milkmaid's Garland,
+borne on a Bier, all spangled, on the shoulders
+of four men, and bedizened out with
+Flowers, Wax-candles, &amp;c. After these,
+the Padre Guardian of the Convent, and
+about forty Priests in their full Habits.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span>
+Next came the Governor; Captain Blokes,
+in a blue Navy Coat laced with Gold, a pair
+of scarlet-velvet Breeches, and a Military
+Hat; and the rest of the English officers in
+their very best Apparel. I was fit to die
+a-laughing, and whispered to our Doctor of
+Physic, that had I known I was fated to
+walk in such a Procession, I would never
+have sold my old Tower Warder's slashed
+doublet to the Frippery Man in Monmouth
+Street, but would have brought it round
+the World with me to wear at this Outlandish
+place. Each of us had, moreover,
+in Compliment to his Saintship, a long
+Candle, lighted, in his hand; the which
+gave us great Diversion, flaring the tapers
+about, and seeking to smoke one another.
+The Ceremony held about two hours, after
+which we were splendidly entertained at the
+Convent, and then by the Governor at the
+Guard-house, his own habitation being about
+three leagues off. It is to be noted, they
+Kneeled at every Crossway, and turning,
+walked round the Convent, and came in at
+another door, bowing down and paying<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span>
+their devotion to the Images and the Wax-candles,
+with the like superstitious observances.
+They unanimously told us, however,
+that they expected nothing from us
+but our Company; and, beyond the Trumpets
+and Hautboys, and a jolly Song or two
+from us, they had no more. Many Sharks
+were in the Road, that keep the Negro
+Slaves in good order, should they, poor
+Black Fellows, attempt Escape to any
+foreign ship by swimming to her. But the
+Portugees are not very hard with their
+Negroes, save up at the Gold-mines, where
+Mercy is quite unknown. <i>Aqua d'oro</i> may
+be a very good Eye-water; but, sure, there's
+nothing like it for hardening of the Heart.</p>
+
+<p>On the 28th of this Month we bade farewell
+to our kind friends of Angre de Keys.
+Just before sailing we sent a Boat to the
+town for more Necessaries, and brought off
+some Gentlemen, whom we treated to the
+very best we could. They were very glorious,
+and in their Cups proposed the Pope's
+Health to us; but we were quits with 'em
+by toasting that of the Archbishop of Can<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span>terbury;
+and, to keep up the humour, we
+also proposed Martin Luther: but this fell
+flat, as they had never Heard of him;
+whereas that of his Grace at Lambeth
+turned out rather against us than for us;
+for they cried out that they knew him very
+well, and that he was a Catholic Saint,
+under the style and title of San Tomaso de
+Cantorberi.</p>
+
+<p>December 1st, we weighed with a breeze
+at N.E.; but later came on a gale S.S.W.,
+forcing us to anchor close under the Island
+of Grande. About 10 next morning we
+weighed again, and bore away and steered
+away S.W. Now the product of Brazil is
+well known to be Red Wood, Sugars, Gold,
+Tobaccos (of every kind, and very choice),
+Whale Oil, Snuff, and several sorts of
+Drugs. The Portugees build their best
+ships here. The people very Martial; and
+'tis but a few years since they would be
+under no Government, but have now submitted
+to the House of Braganza, which
+makes a Pretty Penny out of them. Their
+Customs are very nasty; their Houses mar<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span>vellously
+foul; and they are for ever smoking
+of Tobacco; but the Portugees are still
+a very friendly folk, cordial to us English,
+although they call us Heretics, and, but for
+their great love for roasting Jews, very
+tender-hearted. I like them much better
+than those Proud Paupers the Spaniards.
+A Beggar on Horseback is bad enough; but
+Goodness deliver us from a Beggar on an
+Andalusian Jackass!</p>
+
+<p><i>Memorandum.</i>&mdash;Brazil discovered by the
+famous Americus Vespucius, that came after
+Captain Christopher Colomb.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing remarkable happened until December
+6th, when we had close cloudy
+Weather, with Showers; and, after that,
+some pretty sharp Gales. On the 15th the
+colour of the water changed; and we
+sounded, but had no ground. On the 18th
+one of the <i>Hope's</i> men fell out of the Mizen-top
+on the Quarter-deck, and broke his
+Skull; so that he died, and was buried next
+day. A brisk fellow, that, from his merry
+ways, used to be called Brimstone Jemmy.
+After this, cold airy weather, and numbers<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span>
+of Porpoises, black on their backs and fins,
+with sharp white Noses. They often leaped
+high up in the water, showing their white
+bellies. Also, a plenty of seals. December
+23d we saw Land, appearing first in three,
+and afterwards in several Islands. The
+Wind being westerly, and blowing fresh, we
+could not weather it, but were forced to bear
+away and run along Shore from three to
+four leagues distant. This we saw first was
+Falkland's Land, described in few Draughts,
+and none lay it down right, though the
+Latitude agrees pretty well. December
+25th saw Land again; but could not get
+near enough to see whether it was inhabited;
+in truth we were too much in a hurry to
+think of making Discoveries; for at four in
+the Afternoon we sighted a Sail under our
+Lee-bow, gave chase, and got ground of her
+apace till Night came on. In the Morning
+we saw nothing, it being thick hazy
+Weather; then, as ill luck would have it, it
+fell Calm, and having nothing else to do we
+Piped all hands to Punishment, and gave
+the Cook three dozen for burning Captain<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span>
+Blokes' burgoo. Then Grog served out,
+and we took an Observation. Lat. 52&middot;40.</p>
+
+<p>We kept on rowing and towing with
+Sweeps, and our Boats ahead, until about
+six in the Evening; and the Chase appearing
+to be a large ship, we sent Boats aboard
+our Consorts, and agreed to engage her. A
+fine breeze sprang up, and we got in our
+Sweeps and Boats, making all possible sail;
+it came on thick again; but we kept her
+open on the Larboard, and the <i>Hope</i> and
+<i>Delight</i> on the Starboard bow, and it being
+now Short Nights, we thought it impossible
+to lose one another. But the Master persuaded
+our Commander to shorten sail,
+saying that we should lose our Consorts if
+we kept on. Another Fog, and be hanged
+to it; but the next morning the Yellow
+Curtain was lifted up, and we saw the Chase
+about four miles ahead, which gave us a
+new Life. We ran at a great Rate, it being
+smooth water; but it coming on to blow
+more and more, the Chase outbore our
+Consorts, and being to windward she gave off,
+and then came down very melancholy to us,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span>
+supposing her to be a French Homeward-bound
+Ship from the South Seas. Thus,
+this Ship escaped; and left us all, from the
+Commander to the Cabin-boys (who had a
+hard time of it that night, you may be sure),
+in the most doleful Dumps.</p>
+
+<p>Strong gales to the 1st of January. This
+being New-Year's Day, every officer was
+wished a Merry New Year by our Trumpets
+and Hautboys; and we had a large tub of
+Punch, hot, upon the Quarter-deck, where
+every man in the Ship had above a Pint to
+his share, and drank to our Owners' and
+Friends' healths in Great Britain, to a Happy
+New Year, a good Voyage, plenty of Plunder
+(Wo is me for that Homeward-bound
+Frenchman from the Southern Seas!), and
+a Safe Return. And then we bore down
+on our Consorts and gave them three Huzzas,
+wishing them the like.</p>
+
+<p>Now, it being very raw cold Weather, we
+very much dreaded scudding upon Ice; so
+we fired Guns as Signals for the <i>Hope</i> and
+<i>Delight</i> to bring to, and on the 5th of January
+brought ourselves to, under the same<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span>
+reefed Topsails. We feared at one time,
+from our Consorts having an Ensign in
+their Maintopmast shrouds, as a Signal of
+Distress, that they had sprung their Mainmast;
+so we made the Large again, our
+Ship working very well in a mighty great
+sea. When we were able to get within
+Hail of our Consorts, we asked them how
+they did, and how they had come to hoist
+the Wretched Rag. They answered, Pretty
+well, but that they had shipped a great deal
+of Water in lying by, and being forced to
+put before the wind, the Sea had broke in
+at the Cabin Windows, filling the Steerage
+and Waist, and was like to have spoiled
+several Men; but, Heaven be thanked! all
+else was indifferent well with 'em; only it
+was intolerably Cold, and everything Wet.
+Captain Blokes sent me on board the <i>Delight</i>
+in our Yall, and I found them in a
+very disorderly Pickle, with all their Clothes
+a-drying: the Ship and Rigging covered
+with 'em from the Deck to the Maintop.
+They got six of their Guns into the Hold,
+to make the Ship lively.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Aboard the <i>Marquis</i> died, on the 8th,
+John Veale, a Landsman, having lain ill a
+Fortnight, and had a Swelling in the Legs
+ever since he left the Island of Grande. At
+nine at night we buried him; and this was
+the first we had lost by Sickness since we
+left England. Until the 15th, cloudy Weather
+with Squalls of Rain, and fresh Gales
+at S.W. We now accounted ourselves
+round Cape Horn, and so in the South
+Seas. The French ships that first came to
+trade in these seas were wont to come
+through the Straits of Magellan; but Experience
+has taught 'em since, that this is
+the best Passage to go round the Horn,
+where they have Sea Room enow, without
+being crushed and crowded as at a Ranelagh
+Masquerade; and the Straits are in many
+places very narrow, with strong Tides and
+no Anchor Ground.</p>
+
+<p>On the 31st of January, at seven in the
+Morning, we made the Island of Juan Fernandez,
+bearing W.S.W., and about two in
+the Afternoon we hoisted our Pinnace out,
+and essayed to send one of our Lieutenants<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span>
+ashore, though we could not be less than
+four leagues off. As soon as it was Dark
+our men cried out that they saw a Light
+ashore; our Boat was then about a mile
+from the Shore, and bore away for the Ship
+on our firing a Quarter-deck Gun, and several
+Muskets, showing Lanterns in our Mizen
+and Foreshrouds, that the Pinnace might
+find us again, whilst we plied to the lee of
+the Island. About two in the Morning she
+came aboard, all safe. Next day we sent
+our Yall ashore about noon with the Master
+and Six Men, all well Armed; meanwhile
+we cleared all ready for Action on board
+the <i>Marquis</i>. Our Boat did not return, so
+we sent our Pinnace with the Crew, likewise
+Armed: for we were afraid that the
+Spaniards might have had a Garrison there,
+and so seized 'em. However, the Pinnace
+returned, and brought abundance of Crawfish,
+but found nothing human; so that the
+alarm about the Light must have been a
+mere superstition of the Ship's Company.</p>
+
+<p><i>It was at this same Island of Juan Fernandez,
+in the year of our Lord 1708-9, that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span>
+Captain Woodes Rogers, commanding the
+"Duke" Frigate, and with whom also Captain
+Dampier, that famous Circumnavigator,
+sailed, found a Man clothed in Goatskins,
+who looked wilder than they who had been
+the first owners of 'em. He had been on the
+Island four years and four months, being left
+there by Captain Stradling in the "Cinque
+Ports;" his name was</i> <span class="smcap">Alexander Selkirk</span>,
+<i>a Scottish man, who had been Sailing Master
+to the "Cinque Ports;" but quarrelling with
+the Commander, was by him accused of
+Mutiny, and so Abandoned on this Uninhabited
+Island. During his stay he saw several
+Ships pass by, but only two came to an
+Anchor. As he went to view 'em he found
+they were Spaniards, and so retired, upon
+which they Shot at him. Had they been
+French, he would have submitted; but chose
+to risk his dying alone on the Island rather
+than fall into the hands of the Spaniards, because
+he apprehended they would Murder
+him, or make a Slave of him in the Mines;
+for he feared they would spare no Stranger
+that might be capable of Discovering the South<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span>
+Sea. He had with him when left his Clothes
+and Bedding, with a Firelock, some Powder,
+Bullets, and Tobacco, a Hatchet, a Knife, a
+Kettle, a Bible, some practical Pieces, and
+some Mathematical Instruments and Books.
+During the first eight months of his stay he
+suffered much from Melancholy and Terror;
+but afterwards got on pretty well. He built
+two Huts with Pimento Wood, which he also
+burnt for Fuel and Candle; and which, besides,
+refreshed him with its fragrant smell.
+He had grown very Pious in his Retreat, and
+was much given to singing of Psalms, having
+before led a very naughty life. Being a very
+good sailor, Captain Woodes Rogers took him
+away with him as Second Mate. He told 'em
+that he had been at first much pestered with
+Cats and Rats, the latter of which gnawed
+his feet and clothes, so that he was obliged to
+cherish the Cats with Goat's-flesh, and they
+grew so familiar with him as to lie about him
+in hundreds. But I cannot stay to recount
+half the wonderful Adventures of Mr. Selkirk.
+I knew him afterwards, a very old Man,
+lodging with one Mrs. Branbody, that kept a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span>
+Chandler's Shop over against the Jews' Harp
+Tavern at Stepney. He was wont bitterly to
+complain that the Manuscript in which he
+had written down an Account of his Life at
+Juan Fernandez had been cozened out of him
+by some crafty Booksellers; and that a Paraphrase,
+or rather Burlesque, of it, in a most
+garbled and mutilated form, had been printed
+as a Children's Story-book, under the name
+of</i> <span class="smcap">Robinson Crusoe</span>. <i>This was done by
+one Mr. Daniel Foe, a Newswriter, who, in
+my Youth, stood in the Pillory by Temple
+Bar, for a sedition in some plaguey Church-matters.
+But it is fitting to let these Gentry
+know that they have Ears, lest they become too
+Saucy.</i></p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p>
+<h2>CHAPTER THE THIRD.</h2>
+
+<h3>THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN
+AGAIN TO EUROPE.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Now</span>, being got away from Juan Fernandez,
+did an unconquerable Greed and Longing
+for Prize and Plunder come over us; and
+did we sweep the Horizon hour after hour
+as long as it was Light, in hope of satisfaction
+to our long-deferred Hope. March 2d
+we sighted Land, and a vast high ridge of
+Mountains they call the Cordilleras, and are
+in the Country of Chili. Some parts are,
+I believe, full as high, if not higher, than
+the Pico of Teneriffe, and the tops of all
+of 'em covered with Snow. This day we
+came to an allowance of Three Pints of
+Water a day for each man; judging it best
+to be Economical, although we had a good<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span>
+stock of water aboard (taken in at Juan
+Fernandez); but Captain Blokes' reason was,
+to be able to keep at Sea for some time
+longer, and take some Prizes to keep the
+Deuce out of our pockets, without being
+discovered by Watering; for our South-Sea
+Pilot told us that the timorous people of
+these Latitudes once smelling an Enemy
+hovering about, will put to sea with nothing
+of value from one end of the Coast to the
+other. Much baffled by several white Rocks
+that looked like Ships, and Captain Blokes
+much incensed at continual Disappointments,
+takes to making the Cabin-boy weary of his
+life; and after drubbing him with a Rope's
+end three times doubled, was for sousing
+him in the Pickle-tub; but I dissuaded him
+(remembering the Torments I had myself
+endured as a Moose; and even now when I
+think of 'em I am Afraid, and Trembling
+takes hold of my Flesh), and so no more
+was Done to him, beyond a Threat that he
+should be Keel-hauled next time; although
+the poor lad had in no way misbehaved
+himself. We got the two Pinnaces into the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span>
+water, to try 'em under sail, having fixed
+each of 'em with a Gun, after the manner
+of a Patterero, to be useful as small Privateers,
+hoping they'd be serviceable to us in
+little winds to take vessels. March 15th,
+Land again, and we supposed it was Lobos;
+and sure enough, on the 17th, we got well
+unto anchor off that Island, but found nobody
+at the place. On the 19th we determined
+to fit out our small Bark for a Privateer,
+and launched her into blue water, under
+the name of the <i>Beginning</i>. To his great
+pride and delight, Captain Blokes appointed
+the Doctor of Physic to command her. She
+was well built for sailing, so she was had
+round to a small Cove in the Southernmost
+part of Lobos. A small Spar out of the
+<i>Marquis</i> made a Mainmast for her, and one
+of our Mizen Topsails was altered to make
+her a Mainsail. March 21st, All being ready,
+and the <i>Beginning</i> christened by Captain
+Blokes emptying a Bowl of hot Punch over
+her bow, she was victualled from the general
+store; and the Doctor of Physic, who, for
+all his Degree, claimed to be a good Mariner,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span>
+took possession of his high and important
+command. Twenty men from our ship, and
+ten from our Consorts, were put aboard her,
+all well Armed. We saw her out of the
+Harbour, and she looked very pretty, having
+all Masts, Sails, Rigging, and Materials, like
+one of those Half Galleys fitted out for his
+Majesty's Service in England. They gave
+our Ship's Company three Huzzas, and we
+returned them the like at parting. We told
+the Captain-Doctor that if we were forced
+out of the Road, or gave chase hence, we
+would leave a Glass Bottle, buried under a
+remarkable Great Stone agreed upon, with
+Letters in it, to give an Account of how it
+was with us at the moment of our Departure,
+and where to meet again. And he was
+to do the like. When the <i>Beginning</i> was
+gone we fell to and scrubbed Ship, getting
+abundance of Barnacles off her much bigger
+than Mussels. Seals numerous, but not so
+many as at Juan Fernandez. A large one
+seized upon a fat Dutchman that belonged
+to us, and had like to have pulled him into
+the water, biting him to the bone about the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span>
+arms and legs. This Hollander was henceforth
+known as the Lord Chancellor, having
+been so very near the Great Seal. After
+barnacling, we gave the <i>Marquis</i> a good
+Keel, and Tallowed her low down. Another
+Dutchman we had died of the Scurvy. His
+Messmates said that it was because we had
+no more Cheese aboard, and that we could
+not catch Red Herrings by angling for them
+in Blue Water.</div>
+
+<p>March 28th. The little <i>Beginning</i> came
+in with a Prize, called the <i>Santa Josepha</i>,
+bound from Guayaquil to Truxillo, 50 tons
+burden, full of Timber, with some Cocoa-nuts
+and Tobacco. A very paltry Spoil.
+There were about twelve Spaniards aboard,
+who told us (after some little Persuasion, in
+the way of Drubbing) that the Widow of
+the late Viceroy of Peru would shortly
+embark at Acapulco, with her Family and
+Riches, and stop at Payta to Refresh; and
+that about eight months ago there was a
+Galleon with 200,000 pieces of Eight on
+board, that passed Payta on her way to
+Acapulco. They continued, however, to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span>
+Lie and Contradict themselves when questioned;
+and so (as they howled most dismally
+on deck while under Punishment) they
+were had down to the Cockpit, where the
+Boatswain and his Mates had their Will of
+them, and I don't know what became of
+them afterwards. These Spanish Prisoners
+give a great deal of Trouble.</p>
+
+<p>April 2d. The Superstitious among us
+were heartily frightened at the Colour of
+the Water, which for several miles looked
+as Red as any Blood. Some fellows among
+the crew that were of a Preaching Turn,
+gave out that this unusual appearance was
+an Omen, or Warning to us of Judgments
+coming for what had been done to the
+Spanish Prisoners (in the which Duresse I
+declare I had no hand; 'twas all done by
+Captain Blokes' orders, and 'tis very likely
+that the Boatswain, who was a Rough
+Fellow, very ignorant, exceeded his instructions).
+It was explained, however, that this
+Sanguinary Hue in the water was a perfectly
+natural appearance, caused by the Spawn of
+Fish; and two or three of the preaching<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span>
+fellows being had to the Maingears and well
+Drubbed, Grog was served out to the rest,
+and an Alarm, which might have bred a
+Mutiny, soon subsided.</p>
+
+<p>But huzza! on the 5th of April we had
+things more substantial to think of than
+Red Seawater; for we took, after a very
+slight Resistance, a Ship called the <i>Ascension</i>,
+built Galleon-fashion, very high, with Galleries,
+Burden between 400 and 500 tons,
+and two Brothers Commanders, both Dons
+of families that were Grandees 500 years
+before Adam was born, and of course with
+five-and-twenty Christian Names apiece.
+She had a number of Passengers and some
+fifty Negroes; but the former being persons
+of Condition, far above the Common Sort,
+and not poor Coasting people, such as were
+those in the Timber Bark, we used 'em handsomely.
+They, without any such persuasion
+as was employed to their forerunners, told
+us that the Bishop of Chokeaqua, a place
+far up the Country in the South Parts of
+Peru, was to have come from Panama in
+this vessel for Lima, but would stop at<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span>
+Payta to Recruit. Being near that place,
+we resolved to Watch narrowly, in order to
+catch his Lordship.</p>
+
+<p>Now to the Norrard, and on the 10th of
+April we were off the Hummocks they call
+the Saddle of Payta; and being very Calm,
+we held a Court-Martial on one of our Midshipmen
+who had threatened to shoot one
+of our men when at Lobos, merely for refusing
+to carry some Crows that he had
+shot. The Court was held in Captain
+Blokes' Cabin, and consisted of the Commander,
+Self, First-Lieutenant, assisted in
+our deliberations by sundry Pipes of Tobacco
+and a great Jug of Punch. Found Guilty.
+Sentenced to be Degraded before the Mast,
+to have his Grog stopped for a Fortnight,
+and to receive Four Dozen at the Gun (for
+he being a kind of Officer, we did not wish
+to Humiliate him on deck). Half of his
+Punishment he endured with more doleful
+Squalling than ever I heard from a Penitent
+in my Life, although the Boatswain was
+very tender with him, and three Tails of the
+Cat were tied up. He begged pardon, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span>
+so Captain Blokes remitted him the rest of
+his Punishment. This Midshipman was one
+who sang a very good Song; and so a Cushion
+being brought to Ease him, we finished the
+Evening and the Punch jovially enough, he
+being before the end in high favour with
+the Commander, and promised his Rating
+back again.</p>
+
+<p>April 15th. The Officers of all three Ships
+met on board the <i>Marquis</i>, and the Committee
+came to a Resolution to attack Guayaquil
+at once. The Bark we had called the
+<i>Beginning</i> by this time had come back to
+us, having begun nothing and found nothing,
+since its first prize, except a great Sea
+Lubber, some kind of Monster that the
+Doctor of Physic had caught and wanted
+to preserve in Rum, to make a Present of
+to the Royal Society when we came Home;
+but we forbade his wasting good Liquor
+for so unworthy an end, and the Monster,
+smelling intolerably, was thrown
+overboard. 'Twould have caused me no
+great sorrow to see the Doctor follow his
+Prodigy, for he was a very uncomfortable<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span>
+Person, and was much given to cheating
+at Cards.</p>
+
+<p>April 20th. To our Boats off Guayaquil,
+a Great Company of Men and Officers all
+armed to the teeth. We rowed till 12 at
+night, when we saw Lights, which we judged
+to be a place called Puna. It blew fresh,
+with a small rolling Sea, the Boat I commanded
+being deep laden and crammed with
+men; some of us say they would rather be
+in a Storm at Sea than here; but, in regard
+we were about a charming Undertaking, we
+thought no Fatigue too hard. At daybreak
+we saw a Bark above us in the River; and,
+running down upon her, found it was a
+large Pinnace, full of the most considerable
+Inhabitants of Puna, escaping towards
+Guayaquil. Here were at least a dozen
+handsome genteel young Women, extremely
+well dressed, and from them our men got
+some fine Gold Chains and Earrings. Some
+of these Nicknacks were concealed about
+'em; but the Gentlewomen in these parts
+being very thinly dressed in Silk and Fine
+Linen, they could hide but little, and our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span>
+Linguist was bidden to advise them to be
+Wise in Time, and surrender their Valuables,
+which they did. And so civil were our
+Sailors to them, that they offered to dress
+some Victuals for us when we got 'em
+aboard; which made us hope that the Fair
+Sex would be kind to us when we returned
+to England, for our discreet behaviour to
+these charming Prisoners.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>I am afraid that during the Attack on
+Guayaquil, which took place the next day,
+and continued for the three following ones,
+when the place Capitulated to our force, and
+a Treaty was signed between our Commanders
+and the Governor and Corregidor
+of Guayaquil, sundry proceedings took place
+that would not very well have squared with
+the public ideas of what is due to the Fair
+Sex just treated of; but I declare that I had
+neither Art nor Part in them, and that I am
+entirely Free from any Responsibility that
+Censure might cast on the Authors of Cruel
+Disturbances; for early in the Attack I was
+hit by a Musket-ball in the chest, and borne<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span>
+senseless to our Boats. That I did my Duty
+bravely, my Commander was good enough
+to say, and the whole Ship's Company to
+admit. I was carried away to the <i>Marquis</i>,
+and for a long time lay between Hawk and
+Buzzard; for a smart Fever came about the
+third day, like Burgundy wine after Sherris,
+and I was for awhile quite off my head and
+Raving about Old Times;&mdash;about Captain
+Night and the Blacks, and Maum Buckey
+and her Negro Washerwomen, and my
+Campaign against the Maroons, and some
+Other Things that had befallen me during
+those fifteen years which I have chosen to
+leave a Blank in my life, and which I scorn
+to deny did&mdash;some of them&mdash;lie heavy on
+my Conscience. All these were mixed up
+with the old Gentleman at Gnawbit's, and
+my Lord Lovat with his head off, and my
+Grandmother in Hanover Square; so that I
+doubt whether those who tended me knew
+what to make of me. There was some difficulty
+too as to medical attendance, for we
+had cashiered our Surgeon&mdash;that is to say,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span>
+he had run away at Grande in the Brazils,
+to marry a brown Portugee woman; and the
+Doctor of Physic he was all for Herbal
+Treatment, demanding Succory, Agrimony,
+Asarabacca, Knights-pound-wort, Cuckoo-point,
+Hulver-bush, with Alehoof, and other
+things not to be found in this part of the
+World. And Captain Blokes said that he
+knew nothing half so good for a Gunshot
+Wound as cold Rum-and-Water; and between
+the two I had like to have died, but
+all were very kind to me, even to extracting
+the Ball with a Pair of Snuffers; and a
+great clumsy thing the said missile was,
+being, I verily believe, part of a Door-hinge
+which these clumsy Spanish Brutes had
+broken off short to cram into their Guns;
+and yet it might have gone worse with me
+had it been a smooth round cast Bullet, and
+drilled a clean Wound right through my
+Body.</p>
+
+<p>As I was coming round, even to the
+taking of some Sangaree and Chicken
+Panada (for we were now very well pro<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span>vided
+with Live Stock), the Captain said
+to me: "You ha'n't murdered a man,
+Brother, have you?"</p>
+
+<p>I replied, starting up, that my hands were
+free from the stain of <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'Bood'">Blood</ins> unrighteously
+spilt.</p>
+
+<p>"No offence, Brother Dangerous," continued
+the Captain. "In our line of life we
+ar'n't particular. It wouldn't take very
+dirty weather to make our Ensign look like
+a Black Flag. Piracy and Privateering&mdash;they
+both begin with a P. I thought you had
+something o' that sort on your mind, because
+you took it so woundily about being hanged."</p>
+
+<p>"I have had a strange life," I answered
+faintly.</p>
+
+<p>"No doubt about that," says the Captain.
+"So have I, Brother, and not an over-good
+one: that's why I asked you. If
+the old woman hadn't been in the oven
+herself, she'd never have gone there to
+look for her daughter. But have you
+anything on your mind, Brother? Is
+there anything that Billy Blokes can do
+for you?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I answered, very gratefully, that there
+was nothing I could think of.</p>
+
+<p>"'Cause why," he resumed, "if there is,
+you have only to sing out. If you think
+you're like to slip your Cable and would
+like to say something, we've got a Padre on
+board out of the last Prize, and he shall
+come and do the Right Thing for you. You
+don't know anything about his lingo; but
+what odds is that? Spanish, or Thieves'
+Latin, or rightdown Cockney,&mdash;it's all
+one when the word's given to pipe all
+hands."</p>
+
+<p>I answered that I was no Papist, but a
+humble member of the Church of England
+as by Law established.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course," concluded the Captain. "So
+am I. God bless King George and the
+Protestant Succession, and confound the
+Pope, the Devil, and the Pretender! But
+any Port in a storm, you know; and a
+Padre's better than no Prayers at all. I've
+done all I could for you, Brother. I've read
+you most part of the story of Bel and the
+Dragon, likewise the Articles of War, and a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span>
+lot of psalms out of Sternhold and Hopkins;
+and now, if you feel skeery about losing the
+number of your mess, I'll make your Will
+for you, to be all shipshape before the Big
+Wigs of London. There must be a matter
+of Four Hundred Pounds coming to you
+already for your share of Plunder; and no
+one shall say that Billy Blokes ever robbed
+a Messmate of even a twopenny tester of his
+Rights."</p>
+
+<p>Again I thanked this singular person,
+who, for all his Addictedness to Rum-and-Water,
+of which he drank vast quantities,
+was one of the most Sagacious men I have
+known. But I told him that I had neither
+kith nor kin belonging to me; that I did
+not even know the name of my Father and
+Mother; and that my Grandmother, even,
+was an Unknown Lady, and been dead nigh
+forty years. Finally, that if I made my
+Will, it would only be to the effect that my
+Property, if any, might be divided among
+the Ship's Company of the <i>Marquis</i>, with
+a donative of Fifty guineas to the <i>Hope</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span>
+and <i>Delight</i> people to drink to my
+Memory.</p>
+
+<p>"Ay, and to a pleasant journey to Fiddler's
+Green," cries out the Captain. "But cheer
+up, Heart; ye're not weighed for the Long
+Journey yet." Nor had I; for I presently
+recovered, and in less than a month after
+my Mishap was again whole and fit for
+Duty. And I have set this down in order
+to confute those malignant men who have
+declared that all my Wounds were from
+Stripes between the Shoulders; whereas I
+can show the marks, 1&deg;, of an English
+Grenadier's bayonet; 2&deg;, of a Frenchman's
+sword; 3&deg;, of a Spanish bullet; with many
+more Scars gotten as honourably, and which
+it would be only braggadocio to tell the
+History of.</p>
+
+<p><i>Item.</i>&mdash;The Corregidores, or Head-Men
+of Guayaquil, are great Thieves. The Mercenary
+Viceroys not being permitted to
+Trade themselves, do use the Corregidores
+as middle-men, and these again employ a
+third hand; so that ships are constantly em<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span>ployed
+carrying Quicksilver, and all manner
+of precious and prohibited goods, to and
+from Mexico out of by-ports. Thus, too,
+being their own Judges, they get vast
+Estates, and stop all complaints in Old
+Spain by Bribes. But now and then comes
+out a Viceroy who is a Man of Honesty and
+Probity, and will have none of these Scoundrelly
+ways of Making Money (like Mr.
+Henry Fielding among the Trading Justices,
+a Bright exception for integrity, though his
+Life, as I have heard, was otherwise dissolute),
+and then he falls too and squeezes
+the Corregidores, in the same manner as
+Cardinal Richelieu, that was Lewis Thirteenth's
+Minister, was wont to do with the
+Financiers. "You must treat 'em like
+Leeches," said he; "and when they are
+bloated with blood, put salt upon them, to
+make them disgorge." And I have heard
+that this rigid System of Probity, and
+putting salt on the gorged Corregidores,
+has ofttimes turned out more profitable to
+the Viceroys than trading on their own
+account.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Many of our men falling sick here, and
+our Ransom being now fully disbursed by
+the authorities of Guayaquil, we made haste
+to get away from the place, which was fast
+becoming pestiferous.</p>
+
+<p>We set sail with more than fifty men
+Down with the Distemper (of which they
+were dying like Sheep with the Rot in the
+town, and all the Churches turned into Hospitals);
+but we hoped the Sea Air, for which
+we longed, would set us all healthy again.
+So plying to windward, bearing for the
+Galligapos Islands, and on the 21st of May
+made the most Norrard of that Group.
+Jan Serouder, a West Frieslander, and very
+good Sailor, though much given to smoking
+in his Hammock, for which he had many
+times been Drubbed, died of the Distemper.
+A great want of Medicines aboard, and the
+Rum running very low. Sent a boat ashore
+to see for Water, Fish, and Turtle, which
+our men (being now less Dainty by Roughing)
+had, by this time, condescended to eat.
+Kept on our course; on the 27th the
+Easternmost Island bore S.E. by S., distant<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span>
+about four leagues: and nothing more remarkable
+happened till the 6th of June,
+when we spied a Sail, the <i>Hope</i> being then
+about two miles ahead of us; and about
+seven in the Evening she took her in a very
+courageous manner. This was a Vessel of
+about 90 tons, bound from Panama to
+Guayaquil, called the <i>San Tomaso y San
+Demas</i> (for these Spaniards can never have
+too much of a good thing in the way of
+Saints), Juan Navarro Navarret y Colza,
+Commander. About forty people on board,
+and eleven Negro Slaves, but little in the
+way of European goods save some Iron and
+Cloth. They had a passenger of note on
+board, one Don Pantaleone and Something
+as long as my Arm, who was going to be
+Governor of Baldivia, and said he had been
+taken not long since in the North Sea by
+Jamaica Cruisers. On the 7th June we
+made the Island of Gorgona; and, on the
+8th, got to an anchor in 30-fathom water.
+The next day sent out our Pinnace a'cruising,
+and took a prize called the <i>Golden Sun</i>,
+belonging to a Creek on the Main,&mdash;a two<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span>penny-halfpenny
+little thing, 35 tons; ten
+Spaniards and Indians, and a Negro that
+was chained down to the deck to amuse the
+Ship Company with playing on the Guitar
+(a kind of Lute). However, we found a
+few ounces of Gold-dust aboard her, worth
+some sixty pounds sterling. After examining
+our Prisoners (who gave us much
+trouble, for we had no Linguist, and 'twas a
+Word and a Blow in questioning them:
+that is, the Blow came from us to get the
+Word from 'em; but not more than two or
+three Spaniards were Expended),&mdash;after
+this tedious work was over we held a Committee,
+and agreed to go to Malaga,<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a> an
+Island which had a Road, and with our
+Boats tow up the River in quest of the rich
+Gold-mines of Barbacore, also called by the
+Spaniards San Juan. But heavy Rains
+coming on, we were obliged to beat back
+and come to Gorgona again, building a Tent
+ashore for our Armour and Sick Men. We<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span>
+spent till the 25th in Careening; on the 28th
+we got all aboard agen, rigged and stowed
+all ready for sea; the Spaniards who were
+our Prisoners, and who are very Dilatory
+Sailors (for they hearken more to their
+Saints than to the Boatswain's Pipe), were
+much amazed at our Despatch; telling us
+that they usually took Six Weeks or a
+Month to Careen one of their King's Ships
+at Lima, where they are well provided with
+all Necessaries, and account that Quick Expedition.
+We allowed Liberty of Conscience
+on board our floating Commonwealth to our
+Prisoners; for there being a Priest in each
+ship, they had the Great Cabin for their
+Mass, whilst we used the Church-of-England
+Service over them on the Quarter-deck. So
+that the Papists here were the Low Churchmen.
+Shortly after the beginning of July
+we freed our prisoners at fair Ransom in
+Gold-dust; but the Village where we landed
+them was so poor in common Necessaries,
+that we were obliged to give them some
+corned beef and biscuit for their subsistence
+until they could get up the Country, where<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span>
+there was a Town. Same day a Negro
+belonging to the <i>Delight</i> was bit by a small
+brown speckled Snake, and died in a few
+hours.</p>
+
+<p>We had with us, too, a very good prize
+taken by the <i>Hope</i>, and continued unloading
+this and transferring the rich contents
+to our ships, having promised to restore the
+Hull itself to the Spaniards, on her being
+handsomely Ransomed; and the Don that
+was to be Governor of Baldivia was appointed
+Agent for us, and suffered to go
+freely on his Parole to and fro to arrange
+Money-Matters with the Authorities up the
+Country.</p>
+
+<p><i>Memorandum,</i>&mdash;Amongst our Prisoners
+(taken on board the Panama ship) there
+was a Gentlewoman and her Family, the
+Eldest Daughter, a pretty young woman of
+Eighteen, newly Married, and had her
+husband with her. We assigned them the
+Great Cabin on board the Prize, and none
+were suffered to intrude amongst them; yet
+the Husband (we were told) showed evident
+Marks of a Violent Jealousy, which is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span>
+the Spaniard's Epidemic Disease. I hope he
+had not the least Reason for it, seeing that
+the Prize-Master (our Second Lieutenant)
+was above Fifty years of Age, and of a
+very Grave Countenance, appearing to be
+the most secure Guardian to females that
+had the least Charm, though all our young
+Men (that were Officers) had hitherto appeared
+Modest beyond Example among
+privateers; yet we thought it improper to
+expose them to Temptation. And I am
+sure, when the Lieutenant, being superseded
+for somewhat Scorching of a Negro
+with a stick of fire for answering him
+Saucily, and Captain Blokes bade me take
+temporary command of the Prize and Prisoners,
+that I behaved myself so well as
+to gain Thanks and Public Acknowledgments
+for my civility to the Ladies. We
+had notice that more than one of these
+Fair Creatures had concealed Treasure about
+'em; and so in the most Delicate Manner
+we ordered a Female Negro who spoke
+English to overhaul 'em privately, and at
+the same time to tell 'em that it would<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span>
+pain us to the Heart to be obliged to use
+Stripes or other Unhandsome Means to
+come to a Discovery. Many Gold Chains,
+Bracelets, Ouches, and suchlike Whim-Whams
+the Sable Nymph found cunningly
+stowed away; upon which we gave her
+half a pint of Wine and a large pot of
+Sweets, forgiving her at the same time a
+Whipping at the Capstan which had been
+promised her for Romping and Gammocking
+among the people in the Forecastle.
+For I suppose there was never a modester
+man than Captain Blokes.</p>
+
+<p>August 10th. All Money-Matters being
+arranged, we disposed of our Prisoners.
+We burnt down the Village for some Impertinence
+of the Head Man (who was a
+Half-caste Indian),&mdash;but no great harm
+done, since 'twas mostly Mud and Plantain
+thatch, and could be built up again in a
+Week,&mdash;and got to Windward very slowly,
+there being a constant current flowing to
+Leeward to the Bay of Panama. 13th we
+saw the Island of Gallo; the 18th we spied
+a Sail bearing W.N.W. of us, when we all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span>
+three gave chase, and took her in half an
+hour. 70 tons. Panama to Lima. Forty
+people aboard, upon examining whom they
+could tell us little News from Europe, but
+said that there came Advices from Portobello
+in Spain, and by a French ship from
+France, not long before they came out of
+Panama; but that was all kept private;
+only, they heard that his Royal Highness
+the Duke of Cumberland was Dead, the
+which Sad Intelligence we were not willing
+to Believe, but drank his Health at Night,
+which we thought could do him no hurt
+even if he really happened to be Dead.
+By this time we had gotten another Surgeon
+out of the <i>Delight</i>, whom we daily
+exercised at his Instruments in the Cockpit,
+and his Mate at making of Bandages
+and spreading of Ointment; and Captain
+Blokes (who was always giving some fresh
+proof of Sagacity), just to try 'em, and imitate
+business for 'em a little, ordered Red
+Lead, mixed with Water, to be thrown on
+two of our Fellows, and sent 'em down to
+the Hold, when the Surgeon, thinking they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span>
+had really been wounded, went about to
+Dress them; but the mistake being discovered,
+it was a very agreeable Diversion.</p>
+
+<p>After this we made sail to the Marias
+Islands (for I feel I must be brief in this
+abstract of my Log, and must compress into
+a few pages the events of many Months),
+and all November were cruising about Cape
+St. Lucas in quest of Prizes. Christmas
+we spent in a very dismal manner; for a
+Complaint, something akin to Mumps with
+Scurvy in the gums, and a touch of Lockjaw
+to boot, broke out among us, and eight
+men died. Then we engaged or took a
+very big Spaniard out of Manilla, 250 tons,
+and a very rich Cargo, mostly in Gold-dust
+and embroidered Stuffs. January 10th,
+1748-9, at anchor at Port Segura; and
+here, to our dismal dismay, we heard that
+Peace had been proclaimed between Spain
+and England, and that all our Privateering
+for the present was at an end. Then to
+Acapulco in Mexico, seeing if we could do
+some honest trading; but at all the Towns
+along the Coast they looked upon us as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span>
+little better than Pirates. But we felt a
+little comforted at the thought that we had
+already taken some very rich Prizes, and
+my own part of the Plunder was now over
+1500<i>l.</i> January 11th, we weighed from
+Port Segura, and ran towards the Island
+of Guam. Our Steward missing some
+pieces of Pork, we immediately searched
+and found the Thieves. One of them had
+been guilty before, and Forgiven on promise
+of Amendment; but was punished
+now, lest Forbearance should encourage
+the rest to follow his bad practice. Provisions
+being so short, and our run now so
+long, might, without great caution, have
+brought evil consequences upon us. They
+(the Thieves) were ordered to the Main-gear,
+and every man of the watch to give
+'em a blow with the Cat-o'-nine-tails. On
+the 14th of February, in commemoration
+of the ancient English custom of choosing
+Valentines, a list was drawn up of all the
+Fair Ladies in Bristol in any way related
+or concerned in our Ships; and all the
+officers were sent for to the Cabin, where<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span>
+every one drew, and drank his Valentine's
+health in a cup of Punch, and to a happy
+sight of 'em all. This was done to put 'em
+in mind of Home.</p>
+
+<p>From Guam, a very poor place, and the
+Natives uncommonly nasty, we shaped our
+course to Ternate; and about the 2d of May
+saw land, which we took for some of the
+Islands lying about the N.E. part of Celebes,
+but were satisfied soon after that we were in
+the Straits of Guiana. 18th May passed
+several Islands, and the South point of Gillolo.
+This was the time of the S.E. Monsoon,
+which made Weather and Wind very
+uncertain. May 25th we fell in with a parcel
+of Islands to the Eastward of Bouton, an
+island where there is a kind of Indian King,
+very Savage and Warlike, and with a considerable
+flotilla of Galleys. We traded with
+him, and made good profit in the way of
+Barter; for these Savages will give gold and
+Goods for the veriest trumpery that was
+ever picked up at a Groat the handful at the
+hucksters' stalls in Barbican. From Bouton
+on the 11th June, having well watered and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span>
+provisioned, and taken a Native pilot on
+board, we sailed for Batavia, and on the 30th
+cast anchor in the Road there. We waited
+on his Excellency the Governor-General (for
+the States of Holland), and begged permission
+to refit our Ships, which was granted.
+Many strange Humours now to be seen
+aboard. Some of the crew hugging each
+other; others blessing themselves that they
+were come to such a glorious place for
+Punch, where they could have Arrack for
+Eightpence a Gallon; for now the Labour
+was worth more than the Liquor, whereas,
+a few weeks since, a Bowl of Punch was
+worth more to them than half the Voyage.
+Now we began to Careen, going over to
+Horn Island, and a Sampan ready to heave
+down by, and take in our Guns, Carriages,
+&amp;c. Several of our men fell ill of Fevers,
+as they said, from drinking the Water of the
+Island; but as Captain Blokes opined, more
+from the effects of Arrack Punch at Eightpence
+a Gallon. All English ships are
+allowed by the Government here half a
+leaguer of Arrack a day for ship's use per<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span>
+man; but boats are not suffered to bring
+the least thing off shore without being first
+severely searched. As to the town of Batavia,
+it lies in a bay full of islands, which
+so break off the Sea, that though the Road
+is very large, yet it is safe. The Banks of
+the Canals through the City are paved with
+stones as far as the Boom, which is shut up
+every night at nine o'clock, and guarded by
+Soldiers. All the Streets are very well built
+and inhabited; fifteen of 'em have Canals just
+as in Amsterdam and Rotterdam, and from
+end to end they reckon fifty-six bridges.
+The vast number of Cocoa-nut trees in and
+about the City everywhere afford delightful
+and profitable Groves. There are Hospitals,
+Spin-houses, and so forth, as in Holland,
+where the idle and vicious are set to work,
+and, when need arises, receive smart Discipline.
+The Chinese have also a large Sick
+House, and manage their charity so well that
+you never see a Chinaman looking despicable
+in the street. The Dutch Women have
+greater privileges in India than in Holland,
+or, indeed, anywhere else; for on slight<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span>
+occasions they are often divorced from their
+Husbands, and share the Estate betwixt
+'em. A Lawyer told me at Batavia he had
+known, out of fifty-eight causes, all depending
+in the Council Chamber, fifty-two of
+them were Divorces. The Governor's Palace
+of Brick, very stately and well laid. He
+lives in as great splendour as a king; he has
+a Train and Guards&mdash;viz. a Troop of Horse
+and a Company of Foot with Halberds, in
+liveries of yellow satin adorned with silver
+laces and fringe&mdash;to attend his Coach when
+he goes abroad. His Lady has also her
+Guards and Train. The Javanese, or
+Ancient Natives, are numerous, and said
+to be barbarous and proud, of a dark colour,
+with flat faces, thin short Black hair, large
+eyebrows and cheeks. The Men are strong-limbed,
+but the Women small. The Men
+have many Wives, and are much given to
+lying and stealing. They are all Pagans,
+and worship Devils. The Women tawny,
+sprightly, and Amorous, and very apt to give
+poison to their Husbands when they can do
+it cunningly. There are at least 10,000<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span>
+Chinese who pay the Dutch a dollar a month
+for liberty to wear their Hair, which they
+are not allowed to do at home since the
+Tartars conquered 'em. There comes hither
+from China fourteen or sixteen Junks a year,
+being flat-bottomed vessels. The Merchants
+come with their goods, and marvellous queer
+folks they are. I don't think the whole City
+is as large as Bristol; but 'tis much more
+populous.</p>
+
+<p>October 12th. We, according to our
+Owners' orders to keep our Ships full-manned,
+whether the War continued or not&mdash;and,
+oh, how we cursed this plaguey
+Peace!&mdash;shipped here seventeen men that
+were Dutch. Though we looked upon our
+hardships as being now pretty well over,
+several Ran from us here that had come out
+of England with us, being straggling, lazy,
+good-for-nothings, that can't leave their old
+Trade of deserting, though now they had a
+good sum due to each of 'em for Wages.
+Their shares for Plunder of course were forfeited,
+and equitably divided among those
+that stuck by us. From this to the 23d we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span>
+continued taking in wood and water for our
+Passage to the Cape of Good Hope; and
+just before we sailed held a Council on board
+the <i>Marquis</i>, by which 'twas agreed, that if
+any of our Consorts should happen to part
+company, the one that arrived first was to
+stay at the Cape twenty days; and, then, if
+they didn't find the other Ships, to make
+their utmost despatch to the Island of
+Helena; and if not there, to proceed, according
+to Owners' orders, to Great Britain.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing particular happened till the 27th
+December, when the <i>Marquis</i> proved very
+Leaky, and rare work we had at the Pumps,
+they being most of them choked up from
+long disuse. December 28th we came in
+sight of the Lion's Head and Rump, being
+two Hills over the Cape Town. Saluted the
+Dutch fortress with Nine Guns, and got but
+Three for thanks; it being surprising what
+airs these Pipe-smoking, Herring-curing,
+Cheese-making, Twenty-breeches Gentry
+give themselves. 29th, we moored Ship,
+and sent our Sick ashore. We stayed here
+until the end of February, when we went<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span>
+into Sardinia Bay to Careen; for a Survey
+of Carpenters had reported very badly concerning
+the Leak. 27th Feb. we had a
+good rummage for Bale Goods to dispose of
+ashore, having leave of the Governor, and
+provided a Store-house, where I and the
+Supercargo of the <i>Delight</i> took it by turns
+weekly during the sale of 'em. 28th March
+came in a Portugee frigate, with news that
+Five stout French Ships had attempted Rio
+Janeiro, but were repulsed, and had a great
+number of men killed, with over 400 taken
+prisoners by the Portuguese.</p>
+
+<p>April 5th we hoisted a Blue Ensign,
+loosened our Fore Topsail, and fired a Gun
+as a Signal for our Consorts to unmoor,
+and so fell down to Robin and Penguin
+Islands.</p>
+
+<p><i>Memorandum.</i>&mdash;We buried four while at
+the Cape; eight ran away to be eaten up, as
+we heartily hoped, by the Hottentots, who
+have a great gusto for White Man's Flesh;
+but reject Negroes as too strong and Aromatic;
+to say little of the major number of
+our Ship's Companies getting Married to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span>
+Black Wenches. But there's no Doctors'
+Commons at Cape Town; and the best Way
+of Divorce is by shoving off a boat from
+Shore, and leaving your Wife behind you.
+<i>Item.</i>&mdash;The Dutch generally send a Ship
+every year to Madagascar for Slaves to
+supply their Plantations; for the said
+beastly Hottentots have their Liberty and
+Ease so much, that they cannot be brought
+to work, even though they should Starve
+(which they do pretty well all the year
+round) for the lack of it. Here, too, we
+spoke with an Englishman and an Irishman,
+that had been several years with the
+famous Madagascar Pirates, but were now
+pardoned, and allowed to settle here. They
+told us that these Miserable Wretches, who
+once made such a Noise in the World, dwindled
+away one by one, most of them very
+poor and despicable, even to the Natives,
+among whom they had Married. They
+added, that they had no Embarkations, only
+mere Canoes and Rowboats in Madagascar;
+so that these Pirates (so long a terrible
+Bugbear to peaceable Merchantmen) are<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span>
+now become so inconsiderable as to be
+scarcely worth mentioning; yet I do think
+that if care be not always taken after a
+Peace to clear all out-of-the-way Islands of
+these piratical Vermin, and hinder others
+from joining them, it may prove a Temptation
+for loose scampish Fellows to resort
+thither, and make every Creek in the
+Southern Seas a troublesome nest of Freebooters.</p>
+
+<p>The Cape having been so frequently described,
+I shall only add that the Character
+of the Hottentots, at which I have hinted,
+has been found to be too True, that they
+scarce deserve to be reckoned of the Human
+Kind: they are such a nasty, ill-looking, and
+worse-smelling people. Their Apparel is
+the Skins of Beasts; their chief Ornament
+is to be very Greasy and Black; so that
+they besmear themselves with an abominable
+Oil, mixed with Tallow and Soot; and the
+Women twist the Entrails of Beasts or
+Thongs of Hides round their legs, which
+resemble Rolls of Tobacco. Here's plenty,
+however, of all kinds of Flesh and Fowl;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span>
+there's nothing wanting at the Cape of Good
+Hope for a good subsistence; nor is there
+any place more Commodious for a Retirement
+to such as would be out of the Noise
+of the World, than the adjacent country in
+the possession of the Dutch.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing of note happened till May 1st,
+only that sometimes we had Thunder, Lightning,
+Rain, and Squalls of Wind. On the
+7th we made the Island of Ascension, S.
+Lat. 8.2. On the 14th at noon we found
+we had just crossed the Equator, being the
+eighth time we had done so in our course
+round the World. We had a Dutch Squadron
+with us, who expected Convoy Rates,
+and all manner of Civilities from us, though
+there was now Peace, and we wanted
+nothing from 'em; but 'tis always the way
+with this Grasping and Avaricious People.
+Soon too we observed that the Dutch ships
+began to scrape and clean their sides, painting
+and polishing and beeswaxing 'em inside
+and out, bending new sails, and the very
+Mariners putting on half a dozen pair of
+new breeches apiece. This it is their cus<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span>tom
+to do as they draw near home; so that
+they look as if newly come out of Holland.</p>
+
+<p>On the morning of the 15th July we made
+Fair Island and Foul Island, lying off Shetland;
+and sighted two or three Fishing
+Doggers cruising off the Islands. Having
+little wind, we lay by, and the Inhabitants
+came off with what Provisions they had;
+but they are very poor people, wild and
+savage, subsisting chiefly on Fish. When
+that provision fails, I have heard they live
+on Seaweed.</p>
+
+<p>We being, so to speak, in charge, although
+unwillingly, of the Dutch Squadron, which
+had been willy-nilly our Convoy, were
+compelled to put into a port of Holland instead
+of into a British one, as we had fondly
+hoped. On the 23rd July the Dutch Commodore
+made a signal for seeing Land,
+and the whole fleet answered him with all
+their colours. The Pilot-boat coming off,
+we took two aboard, and about noon parted
+with some of our Dutch Consorts that were
+Rotterdam and Middleburg ships. We gave
+'em a Huzza and a half in derision, and our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span>
+Trumpet and Hautboy were for striking up
+the Rogue's March; but this was forbidden
+by the Sagacious Captain Blokes. Some
+English ships now hove in sight, and saluted
+the Dutch Commodore; and afterwards we,
+though with an ill grace, saluted his Worship
+to welcome in sight of the land, which
+by right belongs to the Rats (though I have
+little doubt that for all the Vandykes and
+Vandams the long-whiskered Gentry will
+come to their own again some of these fine
+days). As soon as they got over the Bar
+the Dutchmen fired all their guns for joy at
+their safe arrival in their own country, which
+they very affectionately call Fatherland;
+and, indeed, it was not easy under these circumstances
+to be angry with the Poor Souls
+that had been so long at Sea, and wandering
+about Strange Lands. At 8 at night
+we came to an anchor in 6-fathom water,
+about 2 miles off shore.</p>
+
+<p>On the 24th, in the morning, the Dutch
+Flag-ship weighed, in order to go up to the
+unlivering place. In the afternoon Captain
+Blokes sent me ashore, and up to Amster<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span>dam,
+with a letter for our Owners' Agents,
+to ask how we were to act and proceed from
+hence. Coming back with instructions from
+the Agent (one Mr. Vandepeereboom, who
+made me half-fuddled with Schiedam drinking
+to our prosperous return; but he was a
+very Civil Gentleman, speaking English to
+admiration, and had a monstrous pretty
+Housekeeper, with eyes as bright as her own
+Pots and Pans), by Consent of our Council
+we discharged such men as we had shipped
+at Batavia and the Cape, and sold the half-dozen
+Negroes we had from time to time
+picked up for about a Hundred Dollars
+apiece. But this last had to be managed by
+private Contract, and somewhat under the
+Rose; for their High Mightinesses, the
+States-General, allow no Slaves to be sold
+openly in Amsterdam.</p>
+
+<p>On the 10th we went up to the Vlieder,
+which is a better Road than the Texel, and
+then to Amsterdam again, where Captain
+Blokes and his chief officers had to make
+Affidavits before a Notary Public to the
+truth of an Abstract of our Voyage, the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span>
+which I had drawn up from the Log of the
+<i>Marquis</i>, to justify our proceedings to our
+own Government in answer to what the
+East India Company had to allege against
+us; they being, as we were informed, resolved
+to trouble us on pretence that we
+had Encroached upon their Charter. On the
+31st August comes Mr. Vandepeereboom on
+board to take Account of what Plate, Gold,
+and Pearl was in the Ship; and on the 5th
+September he took his leave of us.</p>
+
+<p>But not of me; for as I had been much
+with him ever since we had lain at Amsterdam,
+we had become great Chums, and he
+had persuaded me not to return just yet to
+England, but to remain with him in Holland,
+and become his partner in Mercantile Adventure,
+that should not necessitate my
+going to Sea again. And by this time, to
+tell truth, I was heartily sick of being Tossed
+and Tumbled about by the Waves. No
+man could say that I had not done my Duty
+during my momentous Voyage round the
+World. I had worked as hard as any Moose
+on board the <i>Marquis</i>, doing hand-work and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span>
+head-work as well. I had been Wounded,
+had had two Fevers and one bout of Scurvy;
+but was seldom in such evil case as to shirk
+either my Duty or my Grog. I prudently
+redoubted the Chances of returning in haste
+to my native Country, for, although being
+alone in the world, and the marriage with
+Madam Taffetas not provable in Law, with
+no other Domestic Troubles to grieve me, I
+knew from long experience what Ducks and
+Drakes Seafaring men do make of their
+money coming home from a long voyage
+with their heads empty and their pockets
+full, and was determined that what I had
+painfully gathered from the uttermost Ends
+of the Earth should not be riotously and
+unprofitably squandered in the Taverns of
+Wapping and Rotherhithe. Mr. Vandepeereboom
+entering with me into the State
+of his Affairs, proved, as far as Ledger and
+Cash-book could prove any thing, that he
+was in a most prosperous way of business,
+in the Dutch East India trade, of which by
+this time I knew something; so that, although
+Captain Blokes was loth to part<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span>
+with his old Shipmate and Secretary, he was
+yet glad to see me better myself. And in
+truth Mr. Vandepeereboom's Housekeeper
+was marvellous pretty. I drew my Pay and
+Allowances, which amounted to but a small
+matter; but to my great Joy and Gladness
+I found that my share of the Plunder from
+our Prizes and the Ransom of Guayaquil
+came to Twenty Hundred Pounds. The
+order for this sum was duly transferred to
+me, and lodged to my Account in the Bank
+of Amsterdam, then the most famous Corporation
+of Cofferers (since that of Venice
+began to decline) in Europe. I bade farewell
+to Captain Blokes and all my Messmates;
+left Twenty Pounds to be divided
+among the Ship's Company (for which they
+manned Shrouds and gave me three Huzzas
+as the Shoreboat put off); and after a last
+roaring Carouse on board the <i>Marquis</i>, gave
+up for Ever my berth in the gallant Craft
+in which I had sailed round the World.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span></p>
+<h2>CHAPTER THE FOURTH.</h2>
+
+<h3>OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME
+IN HOLLAND.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">'Twas</span> no such very bad Title for a Mercantile
+Firm, "Vandepeereboom and Dangerous."
+Aha, Rogues! will you call me
+Pauper, Card-sharper, Led-Captain, Half-penny-Jack,
+now? Who but I was
+Mynheer Jan van Dangerous? (I took
+my Gentility out of my Trunk, as the
+Spanish Don did his Sword when the Sun
+shone and there were Pistoles galore, and
+added the Van as a prefix to which I was
+entitled by Lineage.) Who but I was a
+wealthy and prosperous Merchant of Amsterdam,
+the richest city in Holland? Soon
+was I well known and Capped to, as one
+that could order wine, and pay for it, at<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span>
+the sign of the Amsterdam Wappen, the
+great Inn here.</div>
+
+<p>Although 'tis now nigh thirty years since,
+I do preserve the pleasantest remembrance
+of my life in the Low Countries; for, albeit
+hating the Dutch when I was Poor, I grew
+to like 'em as a reputable Merchant Adventurer.
+'Twas but a small matter prevented me
+from setting up my Coach, and was only
+hindered by the fact that the Police Laws of
+Amsterdam are very strict against Wheeled
+carriages, allowing only a certain and very
+small number, lest the rumbling of the
+Wheels should disturb the good thrifty
+Burghers at their Accompts. For most
+vehicles they have what they call a Sley,
+which is the body of a Coach fastened on to
+a Sledge with ropes, and drawn by one
+Horse. A Fellow walks by the side on't,
+and holds on with one hand to prevent its
+falling over, while with the other he manages
+the Reins. A most melancholy Machine
+this, moving at the rate of about
+Three miles an hour, and makes you think
+that you are in a Hospital Conveyance, or<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span>
+else going on a Hurdle to be Hanged,
+Drawn, and Quartered.</p>
+
+<p>This Amsterdam is the famous town built
+upon Wooden Piles, as is also Petersburg,
+and in some order Venice; and from
+its Timber supports, gave rise to the sportive
+saying of Erasmus when he first came
+hither, that he had reached a City where the
+Citizens lived, like Crows, upon the tops of
+Trees. And again he waggishly compared
+Amsterdam to a maimed Soldier, as having
+Wooden Legs. This Erasmus was, I conjecture,
+a kind of Schoolmaster, and very
+learned; but conceited, as are most Bookish
+Persons.</p>
+
+<p>A Dutchman will save any thing; and
+this rich place has all come out of saving
+the Mud, and starving the Fishes. Here
+Traffic is wooed as though she were a
+Woman, and Gold is put to bed with Time,
+and there is much joy over their Bantling,
+which is christened Interest. A strange,
+cleanly, money-grubbing Country of Botanic
+Gardens and Spitting-pans, universal Industry
+and Tobacco-pipes, Gingerbread and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span>
+Sawing-mills, Tulip-roots and the Strong
+Waters of Schiedam, Cheese, Red Herrings,
+and the Protestant Religion. Peculiar to
+these People is the functionary called the
+Aansprecker, a kind of human Bird of Evil
+Omen, who goes about in a long Black
+Gown and a monstrous Cocked Hat with a
+Crape depending from it, to inform the
+Friends and Acquaintances of Genteel Persons
+of any one being Dead. This Aansprecker
+pays very handsome Compliments
+to the Departed, at so many Stuyvers the
+Ounce of Butter; and this saves the Dutch
+(who are very frugal towards their Dead)
+from telling lies upon their Tombstones.
+When a Man quits, they wind up his Accounts,
+strike a Balance, and go on to a
+fresh Folio in the Ledger without carrying
+any thing forward. At Marriage-time, also,
+is it the custom among Persons of Figure
+for the Bride and Bridegroom to send round
+Bottles of Wine, generally fine Hock, well
+spiced and sugared, and adorned with all
+sorts of Ribbons. They have also a singular
+mode of airing their Linen and Beds,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span>
+by means of what they call a Trokenkorb,
+or Fire-basket, which is of the size and
+shape of a Magpie's Cage, and within it is
+a pan filled with burning Turf, and the
+Linen is spread over the Wicker-frame; or,
+to air the Bed, the whole Machine is placed
+between the Sheets. Nay, there are sundry
+Dowager Fraws who do warm their Legs
+with this same Trokenkorb, using it as
+though it were a footstool; and considering
+the quantity of Linsey Woolsey they wear,
+I wonder there are not more Fires. To
+guard against this last, there are Persons
+appointed whose office it is to remain all
+day and all night in the Steeples of the
+highest Churches; and as soon as they spy
+a Flame, they hang out a Flag if it's Day,
+or a Lantern if at Night, towards the quarter
+where the Fire is, blowing a Trumpet
+lustily meanwhile.</p>
+
+<p>Eating and Drinking here very good,
+save the Water, which is so Brackish that
+it is not drunk even by the Common People.
+There are Water-Merchants constantly
+occupied in supplying the City with drink<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span>able
+Water, which they bring in Boats from
+Utrecht and Germany in large stone Bottles,
+that cost you about Eightpence a-piece
+English. The Poor, who cannot afford it,
+drink Rain-water, which gives rise to the
+merry saying, that a Dutchman's Mouth
+is for ever open, either to swallow down
+Smoke or to drink up Rain. And indeed
+they are a wide-gaping Generation.</p>
+
+<p>Being as yet a Bachelor, I agreed for my
+Lodging and Victuals with Mr. Vandepeereboom,
+who had a fair House, very
+stately, on one of the Canals behind the
+Heeren Gragt, or Lord's Street. 'Twould
+have had quite a princely appearance, but
+for a row of Elms in front, which, with their
+fan, almost concealed the Mansion. The
+noble look of the House, too, was somewhat
+spoilt by its being next door to a
+shop where they sold Drugs; which like all
+others of this trade in Holland, had for a
+sign a huge Carved Head, with the mouth
+wide open, in front of the window: sometimes
+it rudely resembles a Mercury's Head,
+and at other times has a Fool's Cap upon it.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span>
+This clumsy sign is called <i>de Gaaper</i>,&mdash;the
+Gaper,&mdash;and I know not the origin of it.
+Some of the Shop-boards they call <i>Uithang
+Borden</i>, and have ridiculous Verses written
+upon them; and 'tis singular to mark how
+much of the Jackpudding these Dutchmen,
+who are keener than Jews in their Cash-matters,
+have in them.</p>
+
+<p>Mr. Vandepeereboom was high in the
+College of Magistrates, and I was ofttimes
+privileged to witness with him the administration
+of Justice and the infliction of its
+Dread Awards,&mdash;all here very Decent and
+Solemn. The Awful Sentence of Death is
+delivered in a room on the basement-floor of
+the Stadt House: the entrance through a
+massy folding-door covered with brass Emblems,
+such as Jove's Beams of Lightning,
+and Flaming Swords; above, between the
+Rails, are the old and new City Arms; and
+at the bottom are Death's Heads and Bones.
+The inside of the Hall, mighty handsome,
+in white Marble, and proper History pieces
+of the Judgment of Solomon, and Zeleucus
+the Locrian King tearing out one of his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span>
+Eyes to save one of his Son's, and Junius
+Brutus putting his children to Death. On
+the fore part of the Judgment-seat a fine
+Marble Statue of Silence, gallantly, but
+quite falsely, represented by the figure of
+a Woman on the ground, her finger to her
+lips, and two Children by her, Weeping
+over a Death's Head. When the dire Doom
+of Death is about to be pronounced, the
+Criminal is brought into this Hall, guarded;
+and nothing is omitted in point of solemnity
+to impress on his mind (poor wretch!) and
+on those about him the awful consequences
+of violating the Laws of the Country; which
+is a much better mode, I think, of striking
+Terror into 'em than the French way, where
+the Magistrates settle the Sentence among
+themselves in private, and the <i>Greffier</i> comes
+all of a sudden into the unhappy Person's
+Cell to tell him that he is to be presently
+Executed; or even our Old Bailey fashion
+(though the Black Cap is frightful), where
+the Culprit is more or less sent to Hang
+like a Dog,&mdash;one down, another come up;
+and Jack Ketch Drunk all the while with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span>
+burnt Brandy. 'Twas a thorough knowledge
+of Human Nature, too, that thought of
+placing this Dutch hall of Justice on the
+ground-floor, and its Brazen Door opening
+into a common Thoroughfare through the
+Stadt House. I never passed by this door
+without seeing numbers of the Lower Orders
+of people gazing wistfully through the
+Rails upon the emblematic objects within,
+apparently in Melancholy Meditation, and
+reflecting upon the Ignominious Effects of
+deviating from the Paths of Virtue.</p>
+
+<p>Out of the Burgomaster's parlour in the
+same building is a passage to the Execution
+Chamber, or Hall of the Last Prayers,
+where the Condemned take leave of their
+Clergy, and pass through a Window, the
+lower part of Wood, so that it opens level
+with <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'the the'">the</ins> floor of the Scaffold, which is
+constructed on the outside, opposite the
+Waag or Weigh House.</p>
+
+<p>As associate of one of the Magistrates, I
+often visited the Dungeons beneath the
+Stadt House, which are hermetically Sealed
+unto all Strangers. As places of Confine<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span>ment,
+nothing can be more secure; as places
+of punishment, nothing more Horrible.
+Here, by the faint light of a Rush Candle,
+you gaze only on Emaciated Figures, while
+out of the Dark Shadows issue faint but dismal
+Groans. Some are here condemned to
+linger for Life; yet have I known convicted
+Creatures in this Rat's hole as merry as
+French Dancing-Masters, whistling, trolling,
+and gambolling in the Dark; while in the
+next cell were a number of Women, who,
+like the general of their sex when in Durance,
+did nothing but Yell and tear their
+Clothes to Pieces. But 'tis true that all
+confined in these dreadful places had committed
+crimes of a very Malignant nature,
+and which heartily warranted their being
+thus cut off from Light and Air, and immured
+in Regions fit only to be Receptacles
+for the Dead. Under the Hall of Justice is
+likewise the Torture Chamber, where Miserable
+Creatures, at the bidding of their Barbarous
+Judges, undergo a variety of Torments;
+one of which is to fasten the Hands
+behind the Neck with a cord through pul<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span>leys
+secured to the vaulted Ceiling, so as to
+be jerked up and down. Weights of Fifty
+Pounds each are then suspended to the Feet,
+until anguish overpowers the senses, and a
+Confession of Guilt is heard to quiver on the
+lips. Public Punishments are inflicted only
+Four Times a Year, when a vast Scaffold is
+erected in the Space between the Stadt
+House and Waag House, as before mentioned.
+Those that are only to be Whipped
+endure that compliment with Merciless Severity,
+and are not permitted to Retire till
+those who are to Die have suffered, which is
+either by Decapitation or by the Rope. And
+this acts as a Warning as to what will happen
+to 'em next time. On this occasion the
+Chief Magistrates attend in their Robes.
+But though Strict, they are mighty Just in
+administering their Laws, and will not permit
+the least deviation or aggravation of the
+Sentence meted out. I did hear of one
+jocular Rogue, that was condemned, for the
+murder of half-a-dozen women and children,
+to have his Head severed from the Trunk at
+one stroke of the Sword. This Mynheer<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span>
+Merry-Andrew, previous to quitting the
+Prayer Chamber, lays a Wager with a
+Friend that the Executioner should not be
+able to perform his office according to the
+exact terms of the Sentence. So, the moment
+he knelt to receive the Fatal Stroke,
+he rolled his Head in every direction so
+violently and rapidly, that the Headsman
+could not hit him with any chance of severing
+his Neck at once; and after many fruitless
+aims, was obliged to renounce the Task.
+The Officers who were to see the Sentence
+executed were now in a Great Dilemma. In
+vain did they try by argument to persuade
+the Fellow to remain still, and have his
+Head quietly taken off. At last he was
+remanded back to Prison, and after an hour's
+deliberation the presiding Magistrate, upon
+his own Responsibility, ordered the Gallows
+to be brought out, and the Fellow to be
+straightway Hanged thereupon; which was
+done, to the contentment of the Populace,
+who were howling with Rage at the fear of
+being deprived of their Sport. But the
+strait-laced Dutch Judges and Lawyers<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span>
+all took alarm, and declared that the Fellow
+had been murdered; and nothing but the
+high rank and character of the Magistrate
+preserved him from grievous consequences.</p>
+
+<p>They observe, however, degrees in their
+Punishments, and are, even in extreme
+cases, averse from Bloodshed, and willing to
+try all ways with a criminal before Hanging
+or Beheading him. Thus have they their
+famous Rasphuys for the Confinement and
+Correction of those whose Crimes are not
+capital. Over the Gate are some insignificant
+painted wooden figures, representing
+Rogues sawing Log-wood, and Justice holding
+a Rod over them; and the like of these,
+with figures of scourging and branding, they
+stick up in their Public Walks and Gardens,
+to show what is Done to those who pluck the
+Flowers or carve Names upon the Trunks of
+the Trees, and it has a most wholesome effect
+in frightening Evil-doers. So in the Yard
+of the Rasphuys is a Whipping-post in Terrorem,
+with another little figure of Justice
+flagrant with Execution. Here the Rogues
+saw Campeachy-wood, which seems to be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span>
+most toilsome work; and yet by practice
+they can saw Two Hundred Pounds' weight
+every week with ease, and also make many
+little Articles in Straw, Wood, Bone, and
+Copper, to sell to Visitors. They are all
+clad in White Woollen, which, when they
+are stained with the Red Sawdust, gives
+them a Hobgoblin kind of appearance.
+Here too, in a corner of the Yard, they
+show the Cell in which if the person who
+was confined in it did not incessantly Pump
+out the Water let into it, he must inevitably
+be Drowned; but this Engine, the Gaolers
+said, had not been used for many Years,
+and was only kept up as an object of
+Terror.</p>
+
+<p>In the east quarter of Amsterdam, Justice
+is administered in its mildest form; there
+being the Workhouse close to the Muider
+Gragt, a place which, I believe, has not its
+parallel in the whole World. 'Tis partly
+Correctional and partly Charitable; and
+when I saw it, there were Seven Hundred and
+Fifty Persons within the Walls, the yearly
+expense being about One Hundred Thou<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span>sand
+Florins. In the rooms belonging to
+the Governors and Directresses some exquisite
+Paintings by Van Dyck, Rembrandt,
+and Jordaens; and, indeed, you can go
+scarcely any where in Holland, from a Pig-stye
+to a Palace, without finding Paintings.
+Here, in a vast room very cleanly kept, are
+an immense number of Women occupied in
+Sewing and Spinning. Among them I saw
+once a fine hearty-looking Irishwoman, who
+had been Confined here two whole Years,
+for being a little more fond of true Schiedam
+Gin than her lawful Spouse. In another
+vast Apartment, secured by many Iron Railings
+and Grated Windows, are the Female
+Convicts in the highest state of Discipline,
+and very industriously and silently engaged
+in making Lace, under the superintendence
+of a Governess. From the Walls of the
+Boom are suspended Instruments of Punishment,
+such as Scourges, Gags, and Manacles,
+the which are not spared upon the slightest
+appearance of Insubordination. Then there
+are Wards for the Men, Schoolrooms for a
+vast number of Children, and Dormitories,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span>
+all in the highest state of Neatness. In
+another part of the Building, which only
+the Magistrates are permitted to visit, are
+usually detained ten or a dozen Young Ladies&mdash;some
+of very high Families&mdash;sent here by
+their Parents or Friends for undutiful Deportment,
+or some other Domestic Offence.
+They are compelled to wear a particular
+Dress as a mark of Degradation; are kept
+apart; forced to work a certain number of
+hours a day; and are occasionally Whipped.
+Here, too, upon complaints of Extravagance,
+Tipsiness, &amp;c., duly proved, can Husbands
+send their Wives, to be confined and receive
+the Discipline of the House; <i>and hither, too,
+can Wives send their Husbands for the same
+Cause, for Two, Three, and Four Years together,
+till they show signs of amended Behaviour</i>.
+The Food is abundant, and good; but the
+Work is hard, and the Stripes are many.
+Might not such a course be tried with
+advantage in England, to abate and cure
+the frivolities and extravagances of Fashionable
+People?</p>
+
+<p>So then, as an Honourable Merchant in a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span>
+city and country where Commerce is reckoned
+among the noblest of Pursuits, I might, but
+for my Perverse Fate, have grown Rich, and
+taken unto myself a Dutch Wife, and had a
+Brood of little Broad-beamed Children, that
+should smoke their Tobacco and quaff their
+Schiedam, even from their Cradle upwards.
+Indeed, Madam Vanderkipperhaerin of
+Gouda (the place where the Cows feed in the
+Meadows clad in Blue-striped Jackets and
+Petticoats) was pleased to look upon me with
+Eyes of Favour, and often said it was a Sin
+and Shame that such a Proper Man as I (as
+she was good enough to say) was not Married
+and Settled. And, indeed, why not? I ofttimes
+asked myself. I had Florins, Guilders,
+and Stuyvers in abundance; my Partner was
+a Magistrate, and well reputed worthy: why
+should I not give Hostages to Fortune, and
+have done for good and all with the Life of
+a Roving Bachelor? By this time (although
+by no means forgetting my own dear native
+Tongue) I spoke French with Ease and
+Fluency, if not with Grammatical correctness;
+and had likewise an indifferently<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span>
+copious acquaintance with the Hollands
+Dialect. Why should not I be a Magistrate,
+a Burgomaster? Madam Vanderkipperhaerin
+was Rich, and had a beautiful Summer
+Villa all glistening with Bee's-waxed
+Campeachy-wood and Polished Brass on the
+River Amstel, some three miles from the
+City. She had a whole Cabinet full of
+Ostades and Jan Steens in ebony frames, and
+a Side-board of Antique Plate that might
+have made Cranbourn Alley jealous. Why
+did not I avail myself of the many Propitious
+Moments that offered, and demand the Hand
+of that most respectable Dutch Dame.</p>
+
+<p>The Melancholy Truth is, that she chose
+to be jealous of Betje, Mr. Vandepeereboom's
+comely Housekeeper, upon whom I
+declare that I had never cast any thing but
+innocently Paternal Glances, and utterly
+deny that I ever foregathered with that
+young Fraw. She was for moving Mr. Vandepeereboom
+to have Betje sent to the Workhouse,
+there to be set to Spinning, and to
+receive the usual unhandsome Treatment;
+and when he refused,&mdash;having, in truth, no<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span>
+fault to find with the Poor Girl,&mdash;Madam,
+in a Huff, withdrew her Countenance and
+Favour from me, and, with sundry of her
+spiteful gossips, revived the old Story of my
+having several Wives alive in different parts
+of Europe and the New World. Surely
+there was never yet a man so exposed to
+calumny as poor John Dangerous!</p>
+
+<p>Then, to make matters worse, there came
+that sad Affair of the Beguine. Flesh and
+blood! a mortal man (I suppose) is not to
+be reckoned among the vilest of Humanity
+because he falls in Love. How could I help
+Wilhelmina van Praag being a Beguine?
+Moreover, a Beguine is not a Nun. The
+Beguines belong to a modified kind of
+Monastic Order. They reside in a large
+House with a wall and ditch around it, and
+that has a Church and Hospital inside, and
+is for all the world like a little Town. But
+the Sisterhood is perfectly secular; they
+mingle with the inhabitants of the city, quit
+the Convent when they choose, and even
+marry when they are so minded; but they
+are obliged, so long as they belong to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span>
+Order, to attend Prayers a certain number
+of times a day, and to be within the Convent-walls
+at a stated hour every evening. To
+be admitted to this Order, they must be
+either unmarried or widows without children;
+and the only certificate required of them is
+that of Good Behaviour, and that they have
+a Competence to live upon. You may ask,
+if this almost entire Liberty be granted
+them, what there was to hinder Mynheer
+Jan van Dangerous and the Fair Beguine
+Wilhelmina van Praag from coming together
+as Man and Wife? Wilhelmina was the
+comeliest Creature (save one) that I have
+ever seen; and, but that she was a little
+Stout, would have passed as the living model
+for the St. Catherine which Signor Raphael
+the Painter did so well in Oils. I don't
+think I loved her; but she took my Fancy
+immensely, and meeting her in the houses
+of divers Honourable Families in Amsterdam,
+'tis not to be concealed that I courted
+her with much assiduity. This, by some
+mischief-making Persons, was held to be
+highly compromising to the Fair Beguine.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span>
+For all that I had become a Grave Merchant,
+there was yet somewhat of the Gentleman
+of the Sword and Adventurer on the High
+Seas about me; and a great hulking Cousin
+of the young Fraw, that was a Lieutenant
+in their High Mightinesses Land Forces,&mdash;the
+Amphibious Grenadiers I call 'em,
+and more used to Salt-water than Salt-petre,&mdash;must
+needs challenge me to the
+Duello. The laws against private warfare
+being very strict in Holland, we were
+obliged to make a journey into Austrian
+Flanders, to Arrange our Difficulty; and
+meeting on the borders of the Duchy of
+Luxembourg, I&mdash;Well, is Jack Dangerous
+to be blamed for that he was, in the prime
+of Life, an approved Master of Fence?</p>
+
+<p>The Lieutenant being dead of his Wounds
+(received in perfectly fair fight), the whole
+City of Amsterdam must needs cry out that
+I had murdered the Man; and the Families
+who had once been eager to receive me
+turned their backs upon me. Then the
+Fair Beguine must go into a craze; and,
+upon my word, when I heard how Mad she<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span>
+was, and how they had been obliged to shut
+her up in the Hospital, I could not help
+thinking of the History of my Grandmother,
+and did mistrust meeting the young Fraw
+van Praag again (for she was very Sweet,
+I believe, with the Spark that forced me to
+fight with him), for fear that she should
+Pistol me. But she did not; and Recovered,
+to marry a very Wealthy Shipmaster named
+Druyckx.</p>
+
+<p>While this Ugly Business was the talk of
+all tongues (but Mr. Vandepeereboom
+clapped me on the Shoulder, and bade me
+take my Diversion while he minded Business,
+for that all would Blow Over soon), I took
+an Excursion ('twas in the third year of my
+Residence here) into North Holland, to visit
+the famous village of Brock. Here the
+streets are divided by little Rivulets, for all
+the world like Lilliputian Canals; the Houses
+and Summer-houses all of Wood, painted
+Green and White, very handsome, albeit
+whimsical in their shape, and scrupulously
+neat. The Inhabitants have a peculiar association
+among themselves, and scarcely<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span>
+ever admit a Stranger within their Doors.
+During my stay I only saw the Faces of two
+of 'em, and then only by a stealthy Peep.
+They are said to be very rich, and in some
+of their Kitchens to have Pots and Pans of
+solid Gold. The Shutters of the Windows
+always kept closed, and the Householders go
+to and fro by a Back Door, the Principal
+Entrance being opened only at Marriages
+and Deaths. The Street Pavement all set
+out with Pebbles and Cockleshells, and no
+Dogs or Cats were seen to trespass upon
+it; and formerly there was a law to oblige
+all Passengers to take off their Shoes.
+Here it was that a Man was once Convened
+and Reprimanded for Sneezing in the
+Streets; and, latterly, a Parson, I heard,
+upon being appointed to fill the Church on
+the Demise of an old Predecessor, gave great
+offence to his Flock for not taking off his
+Shoes when he ascended the Pulpit. The
+Gardens of this strange Village produce Deer,
+Dogs, Peacocks, Chairs, and Ladders, all cut
+out in Box. I never saw such a Museum of
+vegetable Statuary in my Life before. On<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span>
+the whole, Brock resembles a trim, sprightly
+Ball-room, all garnished, lighted up, and the
+floor well chalked, but not a Soul to Scrape
+Fiddle or Foot Minuet. Farther from here
+is Saardam, which, at a distance, looks like
+a City of Windmills.</p>
+
+<p><i>Item.</i>&mdash;I forgot to say, that at Brock
+they tie up the Cows' Tails with Blue
+Ribbons.</p>
+
+<p>The Houses of Saardam are principally
+built of Wood, and every one has a Fantastic
+kind of Baby Garden. Here is the
+Wooden Hut where Peter the Great lived,
+when he wrought as a Shipwright in the
+Navy-yard. It stands in a Garden, and is
+in Decent Preservation. The women in
+North Holland are said to be handsomer than
+in any other part of the country; but I was
+out of taste with Beauty when I came
+hither, and could see naught but ugly
+Faces.</p>
+
+<p>So, coming back to Amsterdam, I found that
+Mr. Vandepeereboom's Prediction was fulfilled
+with a Vengeance, and with Compound
+Interest. The Business of the Beguine had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span>
+Blown Over; but another affair had Blown
+On, and this very speedily ended in a Blow
+Up. I am sorry to say that this Fairspoken
+and seemingly Reputable Mr. Vandepeereboom
+turned out to be a very Great Rogue.
+Our Firm was in the Batavian trade, dealing
+in fine Spices, Nutmegs, Cloves, Mace, Cinnamon,
+and so forth; also in Rice, Cotton,
+and Pepper; and especially in the Java
+Coffee, which is held to be second only to
+that of Arabia. In this branch of Trade
+the Dutch have no competition, and they
+are able to keep the price of their Spices as
+high as they choose, by ordering what remains
+unsold at the price they have fixed
+upon it to be Burnt. How it came to pass
+that the Spice Ships consigned to us were
+all wrecked on the High Seas and never
+insured; that the Batavian Merchants, to
+whom we advanced money on their Consignments,
+all failed dismally; that every Speculation
+we entered into went against us, and
+that we always burnt our Surplus Goods
+just as prices were about to rise,&mdash;I know
+not; but certain it is, that I had not been<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span>
+three weeks back in Amsterdam before the
+House of Vandepeereboom and Dangerous
+went Bankrupt. Now 'tis an ugly thing to
+be Bankrupt in Holland. The people are
+so thrifty and persevering, and so jealous of
+keeping their Engagements, that the very
+rarity of Insolvency makes it Scandalous.
+A Trading Debtor being a character very
+seldom to be met with, he is held in more
+Odium in Holland than in any other part of
+Europe. Yet are their Laws of Arrest
+milder than with us in England, where for
+a matter of Forty Shillings an Honest Man
+becomes the prey of a Catchpole, and for
+years after he has paid the Debt itself, with
+exorbitant Costs to some Knavish Limb of
+the Law, may still continue to Rot in Gaol
+for the Keeper's Fees or Garnish. Here,
+if the Debtor be a Citizen or Registered
+Burgher (as I was), he is not subject to
+have his Person seized at the suit of his
+Creditors, until three regular Summonses
+have been duly served upon him to appear
+in the Court, which Processes are completed
+in about a month; after which, if he does<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span>
+not obey it, he may be laid hold of, but only
+when he has quitted his House; for in
+Holland a Man's Dwelling is held even
+more sacred than in England, and no Writ
+or Execution whatever is capable of being
+served upon him so long as he keeps close,
+or even if he stands on the threshold of his
+Home. In this Sanctuary he may set at
+Defiance every Claimant; but if he have the
+Hardihood to appear Abroad, the Sergeants
+collar him forthwith. But even in this case
+he goes not to a common Gaol or Prison for
+Felons, but to a House of Restriction, where
+he is properly entreated, and maintained
+with Liberal Humanity; the Expense of
+which, as well as the Proceedings, must all
+be defrayed by the Creditors. This regards
+only the private Gentleman Debtor; but
+woe betide the Fraudulent Trader! The
+Bankrupt Laws of Holland differ from ours
+in this respect, that all the Creditors must
+sign the Debtor's Certificate, or Agreement
+of Liberation. If any decline, the Ground
+of their Refusal is submitted to Arbitrators,
+who decide as to the merits of the case; and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span>
+if the Broken Merchant be found to be a
+Cheat, no Mercy is shown him. The Rasphuys,
+the Pillory, nay, even the Dungeons
+beneath the Stadt House, may be his
+Doom.</p>
+
+<p>This, Mr. Vandepeereboom (being a born
+Dutchman) knew very well; and he waited
+neither for Deliberations as to his Certificate,
+nor for Arbitrators' award. He e'en showed
+his Creditors a clean Pair of Heels, and took
+Shipping for Harwich in England. I
+believe he afterwards prospered exceedingly
+in London as a Crimp, or Purveyor of Men
+for the Sea-Service, and submitted to the
+East India Company many notable plans
+for injuring the Commerce of the Hollanders.
+I have likewise reason to think that he did
+me a great deal of harm amongst my late
+Owners at Bristol and elsewhere, saying that
+I had been the Ruin of him with Wasteful
+Extravagance and Deboshed Ways, and that
+but for his Intercession I should have been
+Broken on the Wheel for unhandsome
+Behaviour to the Fair Beguine. Ere he
+flitted, he left me a Letter, in which he had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span>
+the Impudence to tell me that he had long
+since drawn out my Account from the Bank
+of Amsterdam, thinking himself much better
+able to take care of the Money than I was.
+Furthermore he contemptuously advised me
+to try some other line than Commerce, for
+which I was, through my Former Career&mdash;or
+Vagabond Habits, as he had the face to
+call it&mdash;in no wise Fitted. Finally, he
+ironically wished me a Good Deliverance
+from the hands of the Assessors of the Commercial
+Tribunal, and, with a Devilish Sneer,
+recommended his Housekeeper Betje to my
+care. O Mr. Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom!
+if ever we meet again, old as I
+am, there shall be Weeping in Holland for
+you&mdash;if, indeed, there be anybody left to
+shed tears for such a Worthless Rascal.</p>
+
+<p>This most Dishonest Person, however, did
+me unwittingly a trifle of good, and at all
+events saved me from Gyves and Stripes.
+That Passage of his in the Letter about my
+Funds in the Bank of Amsterdam was my
+Deliverance. 'Twas widely known that I
+was but a simple Seafaring Man, unused to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span>
+Mercantile Affairs, and that I had really
+brought with me the considerable Sum of
+Twenty Hundred Pounds. I was arrested,
+it is true, and lay for many Months in the
+House of Restriction; but interest was
+made for me, and the Creditors of the
+Broken House agreed to sign a Certificate of
+Liberation. I believe that but for that
+mournful business of the Beguine, and for
+that confounded Officer that I sworded, some
+of the Wealthy Merchants would have subscribed
+to an Association for setting me up
+again; but that Rencounter was remembered
+to my hurt, and, says Mynheer van
+Bommel, when he brought me my Certificate,
+"Hark ye, Friend Englander; you are
+Free this time. Take my advice, and get
+you out of Holland as quick as ever you
+can; for their High Mightinesses, to say
+nothing of the Worshipful Burgomasters of
+this City, have a misliking for Men that are
+too quick with the Sword and too slow with
+the Pen; and if you don't speedily mend
+your way of Life, and bid farewell to this
+Country, you will find yourself sawing of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span>
+Campeachy-wood at the Rasphuys, with
+Dirk Juill, the Beadle, standing over you
+with a Thong." Upon which I thanked
+him heartily; and he had the Generosity to
+lend me Fifty Florins to furnish my present
+needs.</p>
+
+<p>I was no longer a Young Man. I was
+now long past my fortieth year, again almost
+a Pauper, Friendless and Unknown in the
+World; yet did I feel Undaunted, and confident
+that Better Days were in store for me.
+Pouching my Fifty Florins, I first followed
+the Burgomaster's advice by getting out of
+Holland as quick as ever I could, and betook
+myself by Treyckshuyt and Stage Wagon to
+the city of Bruxelles in Brabant. Here I
+abode for some months in the house of a
+clean Widow-woman that was a Walloon,
+who, finding that I was English, and, besides,
+a very tolerable French Scholar, procured
+me several Pupils among the Tradesfolk
+in the neighbourhood of the Petit Sablon
+(hard by the Archduchess Governante's Palace),
+where I dwelt on a Sixth Floor. By
+degrees I did so increase my number of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span>
+Pupils, that I was able to open a School of
+some thirty Lads and Lasses. To both
+indifferently I taught the Languages, with
+Writing and Accompts; while for the instruction
+of the latter in Needlework and
+other Feminine Accomplishments I engaged
+my Landlady's Daughter, a comely Maiden,
+albeit Red-haired, and very much pitted with
+the Small-pox. Figure to yourself Captain
+Jack Dangerous turned Dominie! I am
+venturesome enough to believe that I was a
+very passable Pedagogue; and of this I am
+certain, that I was entirely beloved by my
+Scholars. The sufferings I had undergone
+while a Captive in the hands of that Barbarous
+Wretch, Gnawbit, had never been
+effaced from my Memory, and had made me
+infinitely tender towards little Children.
+Indeed I could scarcely bear to use the
+Ferula to them, or nip 'em with a Fescue,
+much less to untruss and Scourge 'em, as 'tis
+the brutal fashion of Pedants to do; nor do
+I think, though I disobeyed Solomon's
+maxim, and Spared the Rod, that I did much
+towards Spoiling any Child that was under<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span>
+my care. I made Learning easy and pleasant
+to my Youngsters, by telling them all
+sorts of moving and marvellous Stories,
+drawn from what Books of History I had
+handy (and these I admit I coloured a little,
+to suit the Imaginations of the Young),
+and others concerning my own remarkable
+Adventures, in which, however extraordinary
+they seemed, I always took care to adhere
+strictly to the Truth, only suppressing that
+which it was not proper for Youth and Innocence
+to be made acquainted with.</p>
+
+<p>But Schoolkeeping is a tiresome trade.
+One cannot be at it day and night too; and
+a Man must have some place to Divert himself
+in, when the toils of the day are over.
+I found out a Coffee-House in the Rue de
+Merinos, or Spaan Scheep Straet, as the
+Flemings call it, in strange likeness to our
+tongue, and there, over my Tobacco, made
+some strange Acquaintance. There was one
+De Suaso, an Empiric, that had writ against
+the English College of Physicians, and was
+like to have made a Fortune by his famous
+Nostrum for the Gout, <i>the Sudorific Expulsive<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span>
+Mixture</i>; but that Scheme had fallen through,
+it having been discovered that the Mixture
+was naught but Quicksilver and Suet,
+which made the Patients perspire indeed,
+but turned 'em all, to the very Silver in their
+Pockets, as Black as Small-Coal Men. Now,
+he had become a kind of Pedlar, selling
+Handkerchiefs made at Amsterdam, in imitation
+of those of Naples, with Women's
+Gloves, Fans, Essences, and Pomatums&mdash;and
+in fact all the Whim-Whams that are
+known in the Italian trade as <i>Galanterie le
+pi&ugrave; curiose di Venezia e di Milano</i>. But his
+prime trade was in Selling of Snuff, for the
+choicer sorts of which there was at that time
+a perfect Rage among the Quality, both of
+the Continent and of England. This De
+Suaso used to Laugh, and say that the best
+venture he had ever made was from a Parcel
+of Snuff so bad and rotten, that he was
+about to send it back to the Hamburg
+Merchant who had sold it him, when one
+day, plying at the chief Coffee-House, as
+was his wont, my Lord Hautgoustham, an
+English Nobleman, desired him to fill his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span>
+box with the choicest Snuff he had. Thinking
+my Lord really a Judge, he gives him
+some undeniable <i>Bouquet Dauphine</i>; but the
+Peer would have none of it. Then he tries
+him with one Mixture after another, but
+always unsuccessfully; until at last he bethinks
+him of the Musty Parcel he has at
+home, and accordingly, having fetched some
+of that, returns to the Coffee-House, and
+says that he has indeed a Snuff of extraordinary
+Smell and Taste, but that 'tis extravagantly
+dear. Lord Hautgoustham tries
+it, and calls out in an ecstasy that 'tis the
+most beautiful Snuff he ever put to his Nose.
+He bought a Pound of it, for which De
+Suaso charged him at the moderate rate of
+Four Guineas; and desires to know his
+Lodging, that he may send his Friends to
+buy some of this Incomparable Mixture.
+The Artful Rogue then affects the Coy, says
+that his Stock of the Snuff is very low, and
+by degrees raises his price to Eleven Pistoles
+a Pound, until the English in Brussels have
+been half-poisoned with his filthy Remnant;
+when there comes upon the scene a certain<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span>
+Mr. Dubiggin, a rich old English Merchant
+of the Caraccas, who knew all kinds of Snuff
+as well as a Yorkshire Tyke knows Horses;
+and he, telling the Nobleman and his Friends
+how they have been duped, my Lord Hautgoustham,
+who was of a hot temper, makes
+no more ado, but kicks this unhappy De
+Suaso half way down the Montagne de la
+Cour.</p>
+
+<p>Here, too, I made an Acquaintance who
+was afterwards the means of working me
+much Mischief. This was one Ferdinando
+Carolyi, that said he was a Styrian, but spoke
+most Tongues, and was a thoroughly accomplished
+Rascal. He had been a painter of
+Flower-pieces, and from what I could learn
+had also made the Mill to go in the way of
+coining False Money; but at the time I
+knew him was all for the occult Science called
+the Cabala. He showed me a whole chestful
+of Writings at his Lodgings&mdash;which were
+very mean&mdash;and declared that he had invented
+a perfect and particular System, which
+he called the Astronomical Terrestrial Cabala.
+He had run through the whole Pen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span>tateuch,
+and had reduced to the Signs of the
+Zodiac the words of such Scripture Verses as
+answered to the same; one to Aries, the second
+to Taurus, the third to Gemini, and the
+like. In short, there appeared a kind of
+Harmony in 'em, particularly when the Terrestrial
+Cabala (which was of the Dryest)
+was moistened with a flask or two of good
+old Rhenish. The whole of this contrivance
+was to tend towards the Discovery of the
+Philosopher's Stone. He pretended by these
+Astronomical Figures to have penetrated into
+the most essential Arcana of Nature, and all
+the necessary operations for attaining the
+<i>Elixir Philosophorum</i>, or some such word.
+But this Carolyi had such a winning Way
+with him, that he would well-nigh have
+talked a Donkey's Hind-leg off. He began to
+tell me about Peter of Lombardy and the
+great adept Zacharias, and of the blessed
+Terra Foliata, or Land of Leaves, where Gold
+is sown to be radically Dissolved in order to
+its Putrefaction and Regermination in a
+Fixation which has Power over its Brethren
+the Imperfect Metals, and makes them like<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span>
+unto itself; and this process (which I believe
+to have been only a story about a Cock and
+a Bull) he called Re-incrudation. In fact
+my Gentleman almost talked me out of my
+Senses: and as I thought him a monstrous
+clever Man, I lent him (although my Purse
+was as lean as might be) half-a-score of
+Austrian Ducats, to carry out his experiments
+in the Universal Menstruum. Alas!
+I never saw my Ducats nor my Alchemist
+again. A week after I had lent him the
+money, he fled on a suspicion of Base Coin;
+and I had hard work to persuade the Officers
+of Justice that I had not a hand in his Malpractices.
+As it was, nearly all my Scholars
+fell away from my School; and the Impudent
+Flemings sneered at me as <i>Mozzoo
+Kabala</i>,&mdash;in their barbarous Lingo,&mdash;and I
+was pointed out in the streets as a Wizard,
+a Fortune-teller, a Cunning Man, and what
+not. So that I was fain, after about ten
+years' sojourn at Bruxelles, to call in my
+Dues, gather my few Effects together, and
+bidding farewell to Flanders, proceed to Paris.
+It was time; for the Priests were up in arms<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span>
+against me as a Heretic Outlaw, dealing in
+Magic. The Black Gentry are hereabouts
+very Bigoted; and although they have no
+Inquisition, would, I doubt not, have led
+me a sorry Life, but for my Discretion
+in timely Flitting.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span></p>
+<h2>CHAPTER THE FIFTH.</h2>
+
+<h3>OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD
+IN PARIS, WHICH WAS NEARLY MY UNDOING.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">The</span> Manner of its Coming About was this.
+I arrived in Paris very Poor and Miserable,
+and was for some days (when that which I
+brought with me was spent) almost destitute
+of Bread. At last, hearing that some Odd
+Hands were wanted at the Opera-House to
+caper about in a new Ballet upon the Story
+of Orpheus, the Master of the Tavern where
+I Lodged, who had been a Property-Master
+at the Theatres, and entertained many of the
+Playing Gentry, made interest for me, as
+much to keep me from Starving as to put me
+in the way of earning enough money to pay
+my Score to him. For I have found that
+there never was in this world a man so Poor<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span>
+but he could manage to run into Debt. In
+virtue of his Influence, I, who had never so
+much as stood up in a polite Minuet in my
+life, and knew no more of Dancing than
+sufficed to foot it on a Shuffleboard at a
+Tavern to the tune of Green Sleeves, was
+engaged at the wages of one Livre ten Sols
+a night to be a Mime in the same Ballet.
+But 'twas little proficiency in Dancing they
+wanted from me. One need not have
+been bound 'prentice to a Hackney Caper-Merchant
+to play one of the Furies that
+hold back Eurydice, and vomit Flames
+through a Great Mask. They gave me a
+Monstrous Dress, akin to the <i>San Benitos</i>
+which are worn by the poor wretches who
+are burnt by the Inquisition; and my flame-burning
+was done by an Ingenious Mechanical
+Contrivance, that had a most delectable
+effect, albeit the Fumes of the Sulphur
+half-choked me. And they did not
+ask for any Characters for their Furies. I
+tumbled and vomited Flames for at least
+thirty nights, when one evening, standing
+at the Side-Scenes waiting for my turn to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span>
+come on, it chanced that the light gauzy
+Coats of a pretty little Dancing-girl, that was
+playing a Dryad in the Wood where Orpheus
+charms the Beast, caught Fire. I think
+'twas the Candle fell out of the Moon-box,
+and so on to her Drapery; but, at all events,
+she was Alight, and ran about the Scene,
+screaming piteously. The poor little
+cowardly wretches her Companions all ran
+away in sheer terror; and as for the two
+Musqueteers of the Guard who stood sentry
+at each side of the Proscenium, one dastard
+Losel fell on his Marrow-bones and began
+bawling for his Saints, whilst the other, a
+more active Craven, drops his musket and
+bayonet with a clang, and clambers into the
+Orchestra, hitting out right and left among
+the Fiddlers, and very nearly tumbling into
+the Big Drum. All this took much less
+time to pass than I have taken to relate;
+but as quick as thought I rushed on to the
+stage, seized hold of the little Dancing-girl,
+tripped her up, and rolling her over and over
+on the Boards, I encompassed her till the
+flames were Extinguished. Luckily there<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span>
+was no Harm done. She was Bruised all
+over, and one of her pretty little Elbows
+was scratched; but that was all. One of
+the Gentlemen of the King's Chamber came
+round from his Box; and the Sardinian
+Ambassador sends round at once a Purse of
+Fifty Pistoles, and an offer for her to become
+his Madam; "For I should like one," his
+Excellency said, "that had been half-roasted.
+All these Frenchwomen look as though
+they had been boiled." When the Little
+Girl was brought to her Dressing-room, and
+had somewhat recovered from her Fright,
+she began to thank me, her Preserver, as
+she called me, with great Fervour and
+Vehemence; yet did I fancy that, although
+her words were excellently well chosen, she
+spoke with somewhat of an English Accent.
+And indeed she proved to be English. She
+was the Daughter of one Mr. Lovell, an
+English Gentleman of very fair extraction,
+who had been unfortunately mixed up in
+the troubles of the Forty-five; and having
+been rather a dangerous Plotter, and so excepted
+from the Act of Oblivion, had been<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</a></span>
+fain to reside in Paris ever since, picking up
+a Crust as he could by translating, teaching
+of the Theorbo and Harpsichord, and suchlike
+sorry Shifts. But he was very well
+connected, and had powerful friends among
+the French Quality. He was now a very
+old man, but of a most Genteel Presence
+and Majestic Carriage. The Little Girl's
+name&mdash;she was now about Eighteen years
+old&mdash;was Lilias, and she was the only one.
+As she had a marvellous turn for Dancing,
+old Mr. Lovell had (in the stress of his
+Affairs) allowed her to be hired at the Opera
+House, where she received no less than a
+Hundred Ecus a month; but he knew too
+well what mettle Gentlemen of the King's
+Chamber and Musqueteers of the Guard
+were made of; and every night after the
+Performance he came down to the Theatre
+to fetch her&mdash;his Hat fiercely cocked, and
+his long Sword under his arm. So that
+none dared follow or molest her. And I
+question even, if he had heard of the Ambassador's
+offer, whether the old Gentleman<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</a></span>
+would not have demanded Satisfaction from
+his Excellency for that slight.</div>
+
+<p>When I discovered that this dear little
+Creature, who was as fair as her name and
+as good as gold, was my Countrywoman, I
+made bold to tell her that I was English
+too; whereupon she Laughed, and in her
+sweet manner expressed her wonder that I
+had come to be playing a Fury at the
+French Opera House. I chose to keep my
+Belongings private for the nonce; so the
+old Gentleman, treating me as an honest
+fellow of Low Degree, presented me with
+ten Livres, which I accepted, nothing loth,
+and the Theatre People even made a purse
+for me amounting to Fifty more. So that
+I got as rich as a Jew, and was much in
+favour with my Landlord. But, better than
+all, the Little Girl, as I was her Preserver,
+insisted that I should be her Protector too;
+and old Mr. Lovell being laid up very bad
+with the rheumatism, I was often privileged
+to attend her home after the Theatre, walking
+respectfully a couple of paces behind
+her, and grasping a stout Cudgel. Father<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</a></span>
+and Daughter lived in the Impasse Mauvaise
+Langue, Rue des Moineaux, behind St.
+Rogue's Church; and often when I had got
+my precious charge home, she would press
+me to stop to supper, the which I took very
+humbly at a side table, and listened to the
+stories of old Mr. Lovell (who was very
+garrulous) about the Forty-five. "Bless his
+old heart," thought I; "I could tell him
+something about the Forty-five that would
+astonish him."</p>
+
+<p>'Twas one night after leaving the Impasse
+Mauvaise Langue that, feeling both cold
+and dry, I turned into a Tavern that was
+open late, for a measure of Hot Spiced
+Wine, as a Night-cap. There was no one
+there, beyond the People of the House, save
+a man in a Drugget coat, a green velveteen
+Waistcoat, red plush Nethers, and a flapped
+Hat, all very Worn and Greasy. He was
+about my own age, and wore his own Hair;
+but the most remarkable thing about him
+was his Face. I never saw such a Red
+Face. 'Twas a hundred times more fiery
+than that of Bardolph in the Play. 'Twas<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</a></span>
+more glowing than a Salamander's. 'Twas
+redder than Sir Robert Walpole's (the
+great Whig Minister who, in my youth,
+was called by the Common "Brandy-faced
+Bob!"). This man's Face was most terribly
+puffed and swollen, and the veins
+all injected with purplish Blood. The
+tips of his Ears were like two pendant
+Carbuncles. His little bloodshot Eyes
+seemed starting from their Sockets, while
+the Cheeks beneath puffed out like Pillows
+for his Orbits to rest upon. Not
+less worthy of remark was it that this
+Red-faced Man's Lips were of a tawny
+White. He was for ever scrabbling with
+his hands among his tufted Locks, and
+pressing them to his Temples, as though
+his Head pained him&mdash;which there was
+reason to believe it did.</p>
+
+<p>This strange Person was, when I entered
+the Wine-shop, in hot Dispute with the
+Master about some trifling Liquor Score.
+He would not Pay, he said; no, not he.
+He had been basely Robbed and Swindled.
+He had plenty of Money, but he would not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</a></span>
+disburse a Red Liard. He showed, indeed,
+a Leathern Purse with two or three Gold
+Pieces in it, and smaller Money; but declared
+that he would Die sooner than disburse.
+And as he said this, he drew out of
+his pocket a long Clasp-Knife, two-bladed;
+and opening it, brandished it about, and
+said they had better let him go, or Worse
+would come of it.</p>
+
+<p>The Master of the Tavern and his Wife,
+decent bodies both, were wofully frightened
+at the behaviour of this Desperado; but I
+was not to be frightened by such Racketing.
+I bade him put up his Toothpick, giving
+him at the same time a Back-Hander, which
+drove him into a Corner, where he crouched,
+snarling like a Wild-beast, but offering to
+do me no hurt. Then I asked what the
+To-do was about, and was told that he stood
+indebted but for Eight Sols, for Half a Litre
+of Wine, and that they could not account
+for his Fury. The Man was evidently not
+in Liquor, which was strange.</p>
+
+<p>These good people were so flustered at
+the Man's uncommon Demeanour, that, see<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</a></span>ing
+I was Strong and Valiant, they begged
+me to take him away. This I did, first discharging
+his Reckoning; for as he had
+Money about him, I doubted not but that
+he would recoup me. I got him into the
+Street (which was close to the Market of the
+Innocents, and I lived in the Street of the
+Ancient Comedy, t'other side of the River),
+and asked him where he was going.</p>
+
+<p>"To get a Billet of Confession," he made
+answer.</p>
+
+<p>"Stuff and Nonsense!" I answered, in
+the French Tongue. "They sell them not
+at this Hour of Night. Where do you
+live?"</p>
+
+<p>"In the Parvis of Notre Dame," says he,
+staring like a Stuck Pig. "O Arnault! O
+Jansenius! O Monsieur de Paris! all this
+is your fault!"</p>
+
+<p>And he lugs out of his Pocket a ragged
+Sheet of Paper, which he said was the last
+Mandement or Charge of the Archbishop of
+Paris, and was for reading it to me by the
+Moonlight; but I stopped him short. I
+had heard in a vague manner that the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</a></span>
+Public Mind was just then much agitated
+by some Dispute between the Clergy and
+the Parliament concerning Billets or Certificates
+of Confession; but they concerned
+neither me nor the Opera House. Besides,
+an Hour after Midnight is not the time for
+reading Archbishops' Charges in the Public
+Streets.</p>
+
+<p>"'Tis my belief, Brother," I said, as
+soothingly as I could, "that you'd better
+go Home, and tie a Wet Clout round your
+Head; or, better still, hie to a Chirurgeon
+and be let Blood. Have you e'er a
+Home?"</p>
+
+<p>He began to tell me that his Name was
+<span class="smcap">Robert Fran&ccedil;ois Damiens</span>; that he had
+come from Picardy; that he had been a
+Stableman, a Locksmith, a Camp-follower,
+and a Servant at the College of Louis-le-Grand;
+that he had a Wife who was a Cook
+in a Noble Family, and a Daughter who
+coloured Prints for a Seller of Engravings.
+In short, he told me all save what I desired
+to know. And in the midst of his rambling<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</a></span>
+recital he stops, and claps his Hand to his
+Forehead again.</p>
+
+<p>"What ails you?" I asked.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>C'est le Sang, c'est le Sang qui me monte
+&agrave; la T&ecirc;te!</i>" cries he. "<i>La Faute est &agrave; Monseigneur
+et &agrave; son Mandement. Je p&eacute;rirai;
+mais les Grands de la Terre p&eacute;riront avec
+moi.</i>"<a name="FNanchor_B_2" id="FNanchor_B_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_B_2" class="fnanchor">[B]</a></p>
+
+<p>And with this Bedlamite Speech he broke
+away from me,&mdash;for I had kept a slight hold
+of him,&mdash;and set off Running as hard as
+his legs could carry him.</p>
+
+<p>I concluded that this Red-faced Man
+must be some Mad Fellow just escaped out
+of Charenton; and, having other Fish to
+fry, let him follow his own devices. Whereupon
+I kindled a Pipe of Tobacco, and went
+home to Bed.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</a></span></p>
+<p>Two days after this (March, 1757), the
+whole Troop of the Opera House were commanded
+to Versailles, there to perform the
+Ballet of Orpheus before Mesdames the
+King's Daughters. I had by this time received
+slight Promotion, and played the
+Dog Cerberus,&mdash;at which my dear little
+Angel of a Lilias made much mirth. His
+Majesty was to have waited at Versailles
+for the playing of the Piece; but after
+Dinner he changes his mind, and determines
+on returning to his other Palace of
+Trianon.</p>
+
+<p>'Twas about Five o'clock in the Afternoon,
+and there was a great Crowd in the
+Court of Marble to see the Most Christian
+King take Coach for Trianon. The Great
+Court was full of Gardes Fran&ccedil;aises, Musqueteers
+Red and Gray carrying Torches,
+with Coaches, Led Horses, Prickers, Grooms,
+Pages, Valets, Waiting Women, and all the
+Hurley-Burly of a great Court. Some few
+of the Commonalty also managed to squeeze
+themselves in&mdash;amongst others, your humble<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</a></span>
+Servant, John Dangerous, who was now
+reckoned no better than a Rascal Buffoon.</p>
+
+<p>'Twas bitterly cold, and freezing hard,
+and the Courtiers had their hands squeezed
+into great fur Muffs. I saw the King come
+down the Marble Staircase; a fair portly
+Gentleman, with a Greatcoat, lined with fur,
+over his ordinary vestments&mdash;then a novelty
+among the French, and called a <i>Redingote</i>,
+from our English Riding-coat.</p>
+
+<p>"Is that the King?" I heard a Voice,
+which I seemed to remember, ask behind
+me, as the Monarch passed between a double
+line of Spectators to his Coach.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, Dog," answered he who had been
+addressed, and who was an Officer in the
+Gray Musqueteers. "Pig, why dost thou
+not take off thy Hat?"</p>
+
+<p>I was all at once pushed violently on one
+side. A Man with a Drugget Coat and
+Flapped Hat, and whom I at once recognised
+by the light of the glaring torches
+as the Red-faced Brawler of the Wine-shop,
+darted through the line of Guards, an open<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</a></span>
+Knife in his hand, and rushing up to him,
+stabbed King Lewis the Fifteenth in the
+side.</p>
+
+<p>I could hear his Majesty cry out, "<i>Oh!
+je suis bless&eacute;!</i>"&mdash;"I am wounded!"&mdash;but all
+the rest was turbulence and confusion; in
+the midst of which, not caring that the
+Red-faced Man should claim me as an Acquaintance,
+I slipped away. I need scarcely
+say that there was no Ballet at Versailles
+that night.</p>
+
+<p>A great deal of Blood came from the
+King's Wound; for he was a Plethoric
+Sovereign, much given to High Living;
+but he was, on the whole, more Frightened
+than Hurt. Although when the Assassin
+was first laid hold of, His Majesty cried out
+in an Easy Manner that no Harm was to be
+done him, he never afterwards troubled his
+Royal Self in the slightest Manner to put a
+stop to the Hellish Torments inflicted on a
+Poor Wretch, who had, at the most, but
+scratched his Flesh, and for whom the most
+fitting Punishment would have been a Cell
+in a Madhouse.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>As for this most miserable Red-faced
+Man, Robert Fran&ccedil;ois Damiens, this is what
+was done to him. At first handling, he was
+very nearly murdered by the Young Gentlemen
+Officers of the Body Guard, who, having
+tied him to a Bench, pricked him with
+their Sword Points, beat him with their
+Belts, and pummelled him about the Mouth
+with the Butt-ends of Pistols. Then he was
+had to the Civil Prison; and a certain President,
+named Michault, came to interrogate
+him, who being most zealous to discover
+whether the Parricide (as he was
+called) had any Accomplices, heated a Pair
+of Pincers in the Fire, and when they were
+red-hot, clawed and dragged away at the
+Unhappy Man's Legs, till the whole Dungeon
+did reek with the horrible Odour of
+Burnt Flesh. Just imagine one of our English
+Judges of the Land undertaking such a
+Hangman's Office! The poor Wretch made
+no other complaint than to murmur that
+the King had directed that he was not to
+be ill-treated; and when they further questioned
+him, could only stammer out some<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</a></span>
+Incoherent Balderdash about the Archbishop,
+the Parliament, and the Billets of Confession.</p>
+
+<p>After many Days, he was removed from
+Versailles to Paris; but his Legs were so
+bad with the Burning, that they were
+obliged to carry him away on a Mattress.
+So to Paris; the Journey taking
+Six Hours, through his great attendance
+of Guards and the thickness of the Crowd.
+He was had to the Prison of the Conciergerie,
+and put into a Circular Dungeon in
+the Tower called of Montgomery&mdash;the very
+same one where Ravaillac, that killed Henry
+the Fourth, had formerly lain. There they
+put him into a kind of Sack of Shamoy
+Leather, leaving only his Head free; and
+he was tied down to his bed&mdash;which was
+a common Hospital Pallet&mdash;by an immense
+number of Leathern Straps, secured by Iron
+Rings to the Floor of his Dungeon. But
+what Dr. Goldsmith, the Poetry-writer,
+means by "Damiens' Bed of Steel," I'm
+sure I don't know. At the head and foot
+of his Bed an Exempt kept watch Night<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</a></span>
+and Day, and every three-quarters of an
+hour the Guard was relieved; so that the
+Miserable Creature had little chance of
+Sleeping. He would have sunk under all
+this Cruelty, but that they kept him up
+with Rich Meats and Generous Wines,
+which they had all but to force down his
+Throat.</p>
+
+<p>But while all this was being done to
+Damiens, other steps were being taken by
+Justice, the which narrowly concerned me.
+As he would denounce no Accomplices,
+real or imaginary, the Police did their
+best to find out his Confederates for themselves,
+and by diligent Inquiry made
+themselves acquainted with all Damiens'
+movements for days before he committed
+his Crime. They found out the Wine-shop
+where he had refused to pay his Reckoning
+and made a Disturbance; and learning
+from the people of the House what manner
+of Man had paid for him and taken him
+away, they were soon on <i>my</i> track. One
+night, just before the Ballet began, I was
+taken by two Exempts; and, in the very<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</a></span>
+play-acting dress as Cerberus that I wore,
+was forced into a Sedan, and taken, surrounded
+by Guards, to the Prison of the
+Ch&acirc;telet. I thought of appealing to our
+Ambassador in Paris, and proving that I
+was a faithful Subject of King George;
+but, as it happened, I owed my safety to
+one who disowned that Monarch, and kept
+all his Allegiance for King James. For old
+Mr. Lovell, hearing of my Arrest, and importuned
+by poor Pretty Miss Lilias, who
+was kind enough to shed many Tears on
+the occasion, hurried off to his Eminence
+the Cardinal de &mdash;&mdash;, who was all but
+supreme at Court, and with whom he had
+great Influence. The Cardinal listens to
+him very graciously, and by and by comes
+down the President Pasquier to interrogate
+me, to whom I told a plain Tale, setting
+forth how I had been unfortunate in Business
+in Holland and Flanders, and was
+earning an honest Livelihood by playing a
+Dog in a Pantomime. The people in the
+Wine-shop could not but bear me out in
+stating that I had come across the Red-<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</a></span>faced
+Man by pure Accident, and was no
+Friend of his. It was moreover established
+by the Police, that I had not been seen in
+Damiens' company after the Night I first
+met him, and that I had a legitimate call
+to be at Versailles on the day of the Assassination;
+so that after about a fortnight's
+detention I was set at Liberty, to my own
+great joy and that of my good and kind
+Mistress Lilias, who had now repaid ten-thousand-fold
+whatever paltry Service I had
+been fortunate enough to render her. Nay,
+this seeming Misadventure was of present
+service to me; for his Eminence was pleased
+to say that he should be glad to hear something
+more concerning me, for that I seemed
+a Bold Fellow; and at an Interview with
+him, which lasted more than an Hour, I
+told him my whole Life and Adventures,
+which caused him to elevate his Eyebrows
+not a little.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Cospetto!</i> Signor Dangerous," says he
+(for though he spoke French like a Native
+he was by Birth an Italian, and sometimes
+swore in that Language), "if all be true<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</a></span>
+what you say,&mdash;and you do not look like a
+Man who tells Lies,&mdash;you have led a strange
+Life. When a Boy, you were nearly
+Hanged; and now at the <i>mezzo cammin</i> of
+Life you have been on the point of having
+your Limbs broken on a St. Andrew's
+Cross. However, we must see what we
+can do for you. Strength, Valour, Experience,
+and Discretion do not often go
+together; but I give you credit for possessing
+a fair show of all Four. I suppose,
+now, that you are tired of squatting at the
+Wicket of the Infernal Regions at the
+Opera House?"</p>
+
+<p>I bowed in acknowledgment of his
+Eminence's compliments, and said that I
+should be glad of any Employment.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, well," continued his Eminence,
+"we will see. At present, as you say you
+are a fair Scholar, my Secretary will find
+you some work in copying Letters. And
+here, Signor Dangerous, take these ten
+Louis, and furnish yourself with some more
+Clerkly Attire than your present trim. It
+would never do for a Prince of the Church<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</a></span>
+to have a Flavour of the Opera Side-Scenes
+about his house."</p>
+
+<p>Unless Rumour lied, there hung sometimes
+about his Eminence's sumptuous
+hotel a Flavour, not alone of the Opera
+Side-Scenes, but of the Ballet-Dancers'
+Tiring-room. However, let that pass. I
+took the ten Louis with many Thanks,
+and six hours afterwards was strutting
+about in a suit of Black, full trimmed, with
+a little short Cloak, for all the world like
+a Notary's Clerk.</p>
+
+<p>I had been in the Employ of his Eminence&mdash;who
+showed me daily more and
+more favour&mdash;about a month, when all
+Paris was agog with the News that the
+Monster Parricide and Hell-Hound (as
+they called him from the Pulpit), Robert
+Fran&ccedil;ois Damiens, was to suffer the last
+Penalty of his Crime. I know not what
+strange horrible fascination I yielded to,
+but I could not resist the desire to see the
+End of the Red-faced Man. I went. The
+Tragedy took place on the Place de Gr&ecirc;ve;
+but ere he came on to his last Scene,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[176]</a></span>
+Damiens had gone through other Woes
+well-nigh unutterable. I speak not of his
+performing the <i>amende honorable</i>, bare-footed,
+in his Shirt, a Halter round his Neck, and
+a lighted Taper of six pounds' weight in
+his Hand, at the Church-door, confessing
+his Crime, and asking Pardon of God, the
+King, and all Christian Men. Ah! no;
+he had suffered more than this. Part of
+his Sentence was that, prior to Execution,
+he was to undergo the Question Ordinary
+and Extraordinary; and so at the Conciergerie,
+in the presence of Presidents, Counsellors
+of the Parliament, Great Noblemen
+of the Court, and other Dignitaries, the
+Poor Thing was put into the <i>Brodequins</i>,
+or Boots, and wedge after wedge driven in
+between his Legs&mdash;already raw and inflamed
+with the Devilries of the President Michault&mdash;and
+the Iron Incasement. He rent the
+air with his Screams, until the Surgeons
+declared that he could hold out no longer.
+But he confessed nothing; for what had he
+to confess?</p>
+
+<p>Then came the last awful Day, when all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[177]</a></span>
+this Agony was to end. I saw it all. The
+Gr&ecirc;ve was densely packed; and although
+the space is not a third so large as Tower
+Hill, there seemed to be Thousands more
+persons present than at the beheading of my
+Lord Lovat. A sorrier Sight was it to see
+the windows of the H&ocirc;tel de Ville thronged
+with Great Ladies of the Court, many of
+them Young and Beautiful, and all bravely
+Dressed, who laughed and chattered and ate
+Sweetmeats while the Terrible Show was
+going on. The Sentence ran that the
+Assassin's Hand, holding the Knife which
+he had used, should be Burnt in a Slow-fire
+of Sulphur. Then that his Flesh should be
+torn on the Breast, Arms, Stomach, Thighs,
+and Calves of the Legs with Pincers; and
+then that into the gaping Wounds there
+should be poured Melted Lead, Rosin, Pitch,
+Wax, and Boiling Oil. And finally, that by
+the Four Extremities he should be attached
+to Four Horses, and rent Asunder; his
+Body then to be Burnt, and his Ashes
+scattered to the Winds. There was nothing
+said about the Lord having mercy upon his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[178]</a></span>
+Soul; but careful injunction was made that
+he was to be condemned in the Costs of the
+Prosecution.</p>
+
+<p>All this was done, although I sicken to
+record it; but in the most Blundering
+Butcherly manner. The Chief-Executioner
+of the Parliament was Sick, and so the task
+was deputed to his Nephew, Gabriel Sanson,
+who being, notwithstanding his Sanguinary
+Office (which is hereditary), a Humane kind
+of Young Man, was all in a Shiver at what
+he had to perform, and quite lost his Head.
+Both his Valets, or Under-Hangmen, were
+Drunk. They had forgotten the Pitch, Oil,
+Rosin, and other things; and at the last
+moment they had to be sent for to the
+neighbouring Grocers'. But these Shopkeepers
+declared, out of humanity, that they
+had them not; whereupon Guards and
+Exempts were sent, who searched their
+Stores, and seized what was wanted in the
+King's Name. Then the Fiendish Show
+began. I can hear the miserable man's
+Shrieks as I sit writing this now.&mdash;But no
+more.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[179]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>So strong is our Human Frame, that the
+great strong Brewer's Horses, although
+Dragged and Whipped this way and t'other,
+could not pull his limbs Asunder. So the
+Surgeons were obliged to sever the great
+Sinews with Knives, and then the Horses
+managed it, somehow.</p>
+
+<p><i>Note.</i>&mdash;When the Horses were Lashed,
+to make 'em pull Lustily, the Fine Ladies
+at the windows fluttered their Fans, and, in
+their sweet little Court Lingo, cried out
+compassionately, "<i>Oh, les pauv' Zevaux!</i>"&mdash;"Oh,
+the poor Dobbins!" They didn't
+say any thing about a poor Damiens.</p>
+
+<p><i>Note.</i>&mdash;Also, that when they took his
+Head, to cram it into the Brazier, and burn
+it with the rest of his Members, they found
+that his Hair, which when he was arrested
+was of a Dark Brown, had turned quite
+White.</p>
+
+<p>This Story is Naked Truth, and it was
+done in the Christian country of France,
+and in the Year of our Lord Seventeen
+Hundred and Fifty-Seven. It all fell out
+because a poor, ignorant, half-crazy Serving-<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[180]</a></span>Man
+chose to muddle his Head about the
+Archbishop of Paris and his Billets of Confession,
+and because he would not go to a
+Chirurgeon and be let Blood when Jack
+Dangerous bade him.</p>
+
+<p>A week after this his Eminence was
+pleased to send for me into his Cabinet, and
+told me that he had heard great Accounts
+from his Secretary of my Parts, Application,
+and Capacity, and that he designed to
+restore me to the position of a Gentleman.
+He asked me if I had a mind for a particular
+Employment and a Secret Mission;
+and on my signifying my willingness to
+embark in such an Undertaking, bade me
+hold myself in readiness to travel forthwith
+into Italy.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[181]</a></span></p>
+<h2>CHAPTER THE SIXTH.</h2>
+
+<h3>OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE
+OF THE CARDINAL DE &mdash;&mdash;.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Paris</span> was now clearly no place for me;
+so bidding adieu to my kind Protectress, I
+made what haste I could to quit the city
+where I had witnessed, and in some sense
+been implicated in, so Frightful a Tragedy.
+There had always been mingled with my
+Adventurous Temperament a turn for sober
+Reflection; and I did not fail to Reflect
+with much seriousness upon the appalling
+perils from which I had just, by the Mercy
+of Providence, escaped. Setting altogether
+on one side the Pretty Sight I should have
+presented had I been subject to the Hellish
+Tortures which this poor crazy Wretch
+Damiens underwent, I justly conceived an
+extreme Horror for this Fiendish yet<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[182]</a></span>
+frivolous People, who could mingle the
+twirling of Fans and the sucking of Sugarplums,
+with the most excruciating Torments
+ever inflicted upon a Human Being. At
+least, so I reasoned to myself; if we English
+hang and disembowel a Traitor, at least we
+strangle him first; and though the sentence
+is Bloodthirsty, the mob would rend 'Squire
+Ketch in pieces were it known that a Spark
+of Life remained in the Body of the Patient
+when the Hangman's Knife touched his
+Breast; but these Frenchmen have neither
+Humanity nor Decency, and positively pet
+and pamper up their Victim in order that
+he may be the better able to endure the full
+effects of their infernal Spite.</div>
+
+<p>Not without considerable Misgivings did
+I undertake my new Employment, the more
+so as I was both forbidden and ashamed to
+impart any inkling of its nature to my dear
+Mistress. Say what you will, no man that
+has a spark of Honesty remaining in him
+can have much relish for the calling of a
+Spy. I tried hard to persuade myself that
+this was a kind of Diplomatic Employment;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[183]</a></span>
+that I was intrusted with Secrets of State;
+and that by faithfully carrying out my Instructions,
+I was serving the cause of
+Civilisation, and in my humble way helping
+to maintain the Peace of Europe. For in
+all ages there have been, and in all to come
+there must be, sober and discreet Persons to
+act as Emissaries, to inquire into the conditions
+of the People, and bring back
+Tidings of the Nakedness or Fertility of the
+Land. It would never have been known
+that there was Corn in Egypt, but for the
+sagacious Investigations of Messengers sent
+to quest about in the interest of a Famished
+Community. Nevertheless I admit that,
+although I spread much such Balsam upon
+my galled and chafed Conscience, I could
+not avoid a dismal Distrust that all these
+Arguments were vain and Sophistical. The
+words, "Spy, Spy, Spy," haunted me both
+by day and by night. I saw, in imagination,
+the Finger of Derision pointed at me,
+and heard, in spirit, the wagging of the
+Tongues of Evil-minded Men. The worst
+of it was, that the occult nature of my<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[184]</a></span>
+Mission prevented me from loudly proclaiming
+my Honesty in order to vindicate it
+against all comers, and glued my Sword to
+its Scabbard, whence it would otherwise
+furiously have leapt to avenge the merest
+Slight put upon me.</p>
+
+<p>His Eminence the Cardinal de &mdash;&mdash; was
+pleased to equip me for my Journey in the
+most munificent Manner. First he directed
+me to procure a plentiful stock of Clothes
+both for travelling and for gala Occasions,
+not forgetting a couple of good serviceable
+Rapiers, as well as a Walking-sword, a
+Dress-foil, and a Hanger, with a pair of
+Holster Pistols, and two smaller ones of
+Steel in case of Emergencies. Also, by his
+advice, within the lining of my Coat, by the
+nape of my Neck, just where the bag of my
+Wig hung, I secreted a neat little Poniard
+or Dagger. In a small Emerald Ring, of
+which he made me a Present, was compactly
+stowed a quantity of very subtle and potent
+Poison, sufficient to kill Two Men. "One
+never knows what may happen, dear
+Captain," says his Eminence to me, with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[185]</a></span>
+his unctuous Smile. "Your Profession is
+one of sudden Risks, leading sometimes to
+prospects of painful Inconvenience. If you
+are brought to such a pass that all your
+Ingenuity will not enable you to extricate
+yourself from it, and if you have any rational
+Objection, say, to being Burnt Alive, or
+Broken on the Wheel, 'tis always as well to
+have the means at hand of executing oneself
+with genteel Tranquillity. Such means you
+will always carry with you on your Little
+Finger; and I can see, by the circumference
+of the Ring, that 'tis only by Sawing off
+that it can be got from off your Digit. Poison
+yourself then, <i>mio caro</i>, if you see no other
+way of getting out of the Scrape; but pray
+remember this; That he who has poison
+about him, and only enough for one, is an
+Ass. <i>Always carry enough for Two.</i> The
+immersion of that little finger in a Glass of
+Wine, and the pressure of a little Spring,
+would make Hercules so much cold chicken
+in a Moment. There are times, dear Captain,
+when you may have to save Half your
+Potion to kill yourself, but when you may<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[186]</a></span>
+safely lay out the other Half with the view
+of killing somebody else." A mighty
+pleasant Way had his Eminence with him;
+and his conversation was a kind of Borgia
+Brocade shot with Machiavelism.</p>
+
+<p>My Despatches and other Secret Documents
+I was to carry neatly folded and moulded
+within a Ball of Wax not much larger than
+a Pill. This again was put into a Comfit-box
+of Gold, and suspended by a minute but
+strong Chain of Steel round my Neck.</p>
+
+<p>"In difficult Circumstances," says his
+Eminence, "you will open that Comfit-box
+and swallow that little Ball of Wax. I
+have often thought," he pursued, "that
+Spies, to be perfect in their Vocation, should
+first of all be apprenticed to Mountebanks.
+At the Fair of St. Germain, I have gazed
+with admiration on the grotesquely bedizened
+fellows who swallow Swords, Redhot Pokers,
+and Yards of Ribbon without number, and
+thought of what invaluable service their
+Powers of Gullet would be in the rapid
+and effectual concealment of Documents the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[187]</a></span>
+which it is expedient to conceal from the
+eyes of the Vulgar."</p>
+
+<p>Again, in the folds of a silken belt, in the
+which I was to keep my Letters of Credit
+and a large unset Diamond, in case I should
+be pressed for Money in places where there
+were no Bankers,&mdash;for Diamonds are convertible
+into Cash from one end of the
+World to the other, except among the
+Cannibals,&mdash;in this Belt was a little Scrap
+of Parchment secured between two squares
+of Glass, and bearing an Inscription in
+minute characters, which I was unable to
+decipher. I have the Scrap of Parchment
+by me yet, and have shown it to Doctor
+Dubiety, who is a very learned man; but
+even he is puzzled with it; and beyond
+opining that the characters are either Arabic
+or Sanscrit, cannot give me any information
+regarding their Purport.</p>
+
+<p>"This Parchment," observed the Cardinal
+when he delivered it to me, "will be of no
+service to you with Civil or Military Governors,
+and it will be well for you not to show<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[188]</a></span>
+it to carnal-minded Men; but if ever you
+get into difficulties with Holy Mother
+Church&mdash;I speak not of Heretic Communions&mdash;you
+may produce it at once, and it
+will be sure to deliver you from those Fiery
+Furnaces and the Jaws of those Devouring
+Dragons of whom the said Holy Mother
+Church is sometimes forced (through the
+perversity of Mankind) to make use."</p>
+
+<p>Finally, this same Belt contained a
+curious Contrivance, by means of a piece of
+Vellum perforated in divers places, for
+deciphering the Letters I might receive
+from his Eminence or his agents. On
+placing the Vellum over the Letter sent, the
+words intended to meet the eyes of the
+recipient, and none other, would appear
+through the incisions made; while, the
+Vellum removed, the body of the Epistle
+would read like the veriest Balderdash.
+This the French call a <i>chiffre &agrave; grille</i>, and
+'tis much used in their secret Diplomatic
+Affairs. The best of it is, that when the
+two Parties who wish to correspond have
+once settled where the incisions are to be,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[189]</a></span>
+and have each gotten their <i>grille</i>, or Peephole
+Vellum, no human being can, under ten
+thousand combinations of letters, and years
+of toilsome labour, decipher what is meant
+to be expressed, or Weed out the few Words
+of Meaning from the mass of surrounding
+Rubbish.</p>
+
+<p>I bade his Eminence farewell, having the
+honour to be admitted to his <i>petit lever</i>, the
+felicity to kiss his hand and receive his
+Benediction, and the distinction of being
+conducted down the Back Stairs by his
+Ma&icirc;tre d'H&ocirc;tel, and let out by a Side Door
+in the Garden-wall of his Mansion. A close
+Chariot took me one morning in the Spring
+of '58 to the Barri&egrave;re de Lyon, and there I
+found a Chaise and Post-horses, and was
+soon on my road to the South, with three
+hundred Louis in Gold in my Valise, and a
+Letter of Credit for any sum under five
+hundred at a time, I liked to draw, in my
+Waist-belt. I was Richer in Purse and
+more bravely Dressed than ever I had been
+in my life, and travelled under the name of
+the Chevalier Escarbotin; but I was a Spy,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[190]</a></span>
+and in mine own eyes I was the Meanest
+of the Mean.</p>
+
+<p>A happy Mercurial Temper and cheerful
+Flow of Spirits soon, however, revived
+within me; and, ere Ten Leagues of my
+Journey were over, the Chevalier Escarbotin
+became once more to himself Jack Dangerous.
+"I will work the Mine of my
+Manhood," I cried out in the Chaise, "to
+the last Vein of the Ore. <i>Vive la Joie!</i>"
+Yet in my innermost heart did I wish myself
+once more with Captain Blokes as the
+daring Supercargo of the dear old <i>Marquis</i>,
+or else a Peaceful Merchant at Amsterdam,
+giving good advice to the Rogues and Sluts
+in the Rasphuys. O Mr. Vandepeereboom,
+Mr. Vandepeereboom!</p>
+
+<p>Six days after my departure from Paris, I
+embarked from Marseille on board a Tartane
+bound for Genoa. We had fine sailing for
+about three days, till by contrary winds we
+were driven into San Remo, a pretty
+Seaport belonging to the Genoese. This
+abounds so much with Oranges, Lemons,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[191]</a></span>
+and other Delicious Fruit, that it is called
+the Paradise of Italy. So on to Genoa,
+where the Beggars live in Palaces cheek by
+jowl with the Nobles, who are well-nigh as
+beggarly as they; and the Houses are as
+lofty as any in Europe, and the Streets
+between them as dark and narrow as Adam
+and Eve Court in the Strand. The Suburb
+called San Pietro d'Arena very pretty, and
+full of commodious Villas. There are thirty
+Parish Churches, and at San Lorenzo they
+show a large Dish made out of One
+Emerald, which they say was given to King
+Solomon by the Queen of Sheba. The
+Genoese are a cunning and industrious
+People, with a great gusto for the Arts, but
+terrible Thieves. The Government a Republic,
+headed by a Doge, that is chosen
+every two years from among the Nobility,
+and must be a Genoese, at least Fifty years
+of age, and no Byblow. He cannot so much
+as lie One Night out of the City, without
+leave had from the Senate. When he is
+elected, they place a Crown of Gold on his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[192]</a></span>
+Head, and a Sceptre in his Hand. His
+Robes are of Crimson Velvet, and he has
+the title of Serenity.</p>
+
+<p>Here I did business with several Persons
+of Consideration; the Senators B&mdash;c&mdash;i and
+Delia G&mdash;&mdash;, the rich Banker L&mdash;&mdash;, and
+Monsignore the Archprelate X&mdash;&mdash;. So by
+Cortona, where there is a strong Castle on
+a Hill, to Pavia, an old decaying City on
+the River Tessin, which is so rapid that
+Bishop Burnet says he ran down the Stream
+thirty miles in three hours by the help of
+one Rower only. This may be, or t'other
+way; but I own to placing very little faith
+in the veracity of these Cat-in-Pan Revolution
+Bishops. Here (at Pavy) is a Brass
+Statue of Marcus Antoninus on Horseback;
+though the Pavians will have it to be
+Charles the Fifth, and others declare it to
+be Constantine the Great.</p>
+
+<p>After two days here, waiting for Despatches
+from his Eminence, which came at
+last in the False Bottom of a Jar of Narbonne
+Honey, and I answering by a Billet
+discreetly buried in the recesses of a large<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[193]</a></span>
+Bologna Sausage, I posted to Milan, through
+a fertile and delicious country, which some
+call the Garden of Italy. A broad, clean
+place, with spacious Streets; but the Wine
+and Maccaroni not half so good as at Genoa.
+The Cathedral full of Relics, some of which
+run up as high as Abraham. In the Ambrosian
+Library are a power of Books, and,
+what is more curious, the Dried <i>Heads</i> of
+several Learned Men&mdash;amongst others, that
+of our Bishop Fisher, whom King Harry
+the Eighth put to death for not acknowledging
+his Supremacy. About two miles
+from hence is a Curiosity, in the shape of a
+Building, where, if you fire off a Pistol; the
+Sound returns about Fifty times. 'Tis
+done, they told me, by two Parallel Walls
+of a considerable length, which reverberate
+the Sound to each other till the undulation
+is quite spent. The which, being so informed,
+I was as wise concerning the Echo
+as I had been before.</p>
+
+<p>It was my Design to have proceeded from
+Milan either to Venice or to the famous
+Capital City of Rome; but Instructions<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[194]</a></span>
+from his Eminence forced me to retrace my
+steps, and at Genoa I embarked for Naples.
+This is a very handsome place, but villanously
+Dirty, and governed in a most
+Despotic Manner. Nearly all the Corn
+Country round about belongs to the Jesuits,
+who make a pretty Penny by it. The taxes
+very high, and laid on Wine, Meat, Oil, and
+other Necessaries of Life; indeed on every
+thing eatable except Fruit and Fowls, which
+you may buy for a Song. All Foreigners
+who have here purchased Estates are loaded
+with Extraordinary Taxes and Impositions.
+The City is remarkable for its Silk Stockings,
+Waistcoats, Breeches, and Caps; Soap,
+Perfume, and Snuff-boxes. They cool their
+Wine with Snow, which they get out of
+pits dug in the Mountain-sides. Near here,
+too, is a Burning Mountain they call
+Vesuvio. It may be mighty curious, but
+'tis as great a Nuisance and Perpetual
+Alarm to the peaceable Inhabitants of
+Naples as a Powder Magazine. Very often
+this Vesuvio gives itself up to hideous
+Bellowing, causing the Windows, nay the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[195]</a></span>
+very Houses, in Naples to Shake, and then
+it vomits forth vast Quantities of melted
+Stuff, which streams down the Mountain-sides
+like a pot boiling over. Sometimes it
+darkens the Sun with Smoke, causing a kind
+of Eclipse; then a Pillar of Black Smoke
+will start up to a prodigious Height in the
+air, and the next morning you will find the
+Court and Terrace of your House, be it ten
+miles away, all strewn with Fine Ashes from
+Vesuvio.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[196]</a></span></p>
+<h2>CHAPTER THE SEVENTH.</h2>
+
+<h3>I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND
+AM SEDUCED TO A STATE OF MISERABLE SLAVERY.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">I think</span> I should have been much better off,
+if, stopping at Naples, I had fallen into the
+blazing Crater of Vesuvio, and have cast up
+again into the air in the shape of Red-Hot
+Ashes. I think it would have been better
+for me to be Bitten by the Tarantula Spider
+(which is about the size of a small Nutmeg,
+and when it bites a person throws him into
+all kinds of Tumblings, Anger, Fear, Weeping,
+Crazy Talk, and Wild Actions, accompanied
+by a kind of Bedlam Gambado), than
+to have gone upon the pretty Dance I was
+destined to Lead. However, there was no
+disobeying the commands of his Eminence,
+who, in his Smooth Italian way, told me at
+Paris that those of his Servants who did not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[197]</a></span>
+attend to his Behests, were much subject to
+dying Suddenly after Supper; and so,
+Willy-nilly, I sped upon my Dark Errand.</div>
+
+<p>Business now took me to Venice. This
+is a very grand City, both for the Magnificence
+of its Nobles and the Extent of its
+Commerce. The Doge is only a Sumptuous
+kind of Puppet, the Real Government being
+vested in the Seignory, or Council of Ten,
+that carry matters with a very High Hand,
+but, on the whole, give Satisfaction both to
+the Quality and the Common. Here are
+numbers of Priests of a very Free Life and
+Conversation, and swarms of Monks that
+are notorious Evil-doers; for during the
+Carnival (a very famous one here) they wear
+Masks, sing upon Stages, and fall into many
+other Practices unbecoming their Profession.
+The Venetian Nuns are the merriest in all
+Europe, and have a not much better Repute
+than the Monks, many of them being the
+Daughters of the Nobility, who dispose of
+'em in this manner to save the Charges of
+keeping 'em at home. They wear no Veils;
+have their Necks uncovered; and receive<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[198]</a></span>
+the Addresses of Suitors at the Grates of
+their Parlours. The Patriarch did indeed
+at one time essay to Reform the abuses that
+had crept into the Nunneries; but the
+Ladies of San Giacomo, with whom he
+began, told him plainly that they were
+Noble Venetians, and scorned his Regulations.
+Thereupon he attempted to shut up
+their House, which so provoked 'em that
+they were going to set Fire to it; but the
+Senate interposing, commanded the Patriarch
+to desist, and these Merry Maidens had full
+liberty to resume their Madcap Pranks.</p>
+
+<p>Here they make excellent fine Drinking-glasses
+and Mirrors; likewise Gold and
+Silver Stuffs, Turpentine, Cream of Tartar,
+and other articles. The Streets mostly with
+Water running thro' 'em, like unto Rotterdam,
+all going to and fro done in Boats
+called Gondoles,&mdash;a dismal, Hearse-looking
+kind of Wherry, with a prow like the head
+of a Bass-Viol, and rowed, or rather shoved
+along with a Pole by a Mad, Ragged
+Fellow, that bawls out verses from Tasso,
+one of their Poets, as he plies his Oar. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[199]</a></span>
+great Sight at Venice, after the Grand Canal
+and St. Mark's Place, is the Carnival, which
+begins on Twelfth Day, and holds all Lent.
+The Diversion of the Venetians is now all
+for Masquerading. Under a Disguise, they
+break through their Natural Gravity, and
+fall heartily into all the Follies and Extravagances
+of these occasions. With Operas,
+Plays, and Gaming-Houses, they seem to
+forget all Habits, Customs, and Laws; lay
+aside all cares of Business, and swamp all
+Distinctions of Rank. This practice of
+Masking gives rise to a variety of Love
+Adventures, of which the less said the
+better; for the Venetian Bona Robas, or
+Corteggiane, as they call 'em now, are a
+most Artful Generation. The pursuit of
+Amours is often accompanied by Broils and
+Bloodshed; and Fiery Temper is not confined
+to the Men, but often breaks out in
+the Weaker Sex; an instance of which I
+saw one day in St. Mark's Place, where two
+Fine Women, Masked, that were Rivals for
+the favour of the same Gallant, happening
+to meet, and by some means knowing one<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[200]</a></span>
+another, they fell out, went to Cuffs, tore off
+each other's Mask, and at last drew Knives
+out of their pockets, with which they Fought
+so seriously, that one of them was left for
+Dead upon the Spot.</p>
+
+<p>Another Frolic of the Carnival is Gaming,
+which is commonly in Noblemen's Houses,
+where there are Tables for that purpose in
+ten or twelve Rooms on a floor, and seldom
+without abundance of Company, who are all
+Masked, and observe a profound Silence.
+Here one meets Ladies of Pleasure cheek by
+jowl with Ladies of Quality, who, under the
+protection of a convenient piece of Black
+Satin or Velvet, are allowed to enjoy the
+entertainments of the Season; but are generally
+attended either by the Husband or his
+Spies, who keep a watchful eye on their
+Behaviour. Besides these Gaming-Rooms,
+there are others, where Sweetmeats, Wine,
+Lemonade, and other Refreshments may be
+purchased, the Haughty Nobility of Venice
+not disdaining to turn Tavern-keepers at
+this season of the year. Here it is usual for
+Gentlemen to address the Ladies and employ<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[201]</a></span>
+their wit and raillery; but they must take
+care to keep within the bounds of Politeness,
+or they may draw upon themselves the
+Resentment of the Husbands, who seldom
+put up with an Affront of this kind, though
+perhaps only imaginary, without exacting a
+severe Satisfaction. For the Common People
+there are Jugglers, Rope-dancers, Fortune-tellers,
+and other Buffoons, who have stages
+in the Square of St. Mark, where, at all
+times during the Carnival, 'tis almost impossible
+to pass along, owing to the crowd of
+Masqueraders. Bull Baitings, Races of
+Gondoles, and other Amusements, too tedious
+to enumerate, also take place. But among
+the several Shows which attract the eyes of
+the Populace, I cannot forbear describing
+one which is remarkable for its oddity, and
+perhaps peculiar to the Venetians. A
+number of Men, by the help of Poles laid
+across each other's Shoulders, build themselves
+up almost as children do Cards&mdash;four
+or five Rows of 'em standing one above the
+other, and lessening as they advance in
+height, till at last a little Boy forms the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[202]</a></span>
+Top, or Point, of the Structure. After they
+have stood in this manner, to be gazed at,
+some time, the Boy leaps down into the
+arms of people appointed to catch him at
+the Bottom; the rest follow his example,
+and so the whole Pile falls to Pieces.</p>
+
+<p>The Nobility of Venice are remarkable
+for their Persons as well as for their Polite
+Behaviour, and have a great deal of Gravity
+and Wisdom in their Countenances. They
+wear a light Cap with a kind of black
+Fringe, and a long black Gown of Paduan
+Cloth, as their Laws require; though the
+English have found means to introduce their
+Manufactures among 'em. Underneath
+these Gowns they have suits of Silk; and
+are extremely neat as to their Shoes and
+Stockings. Their Perukes are long, full-bottomed,
+and very well Powdered; and
+they usually carry their Caps in their Hands.
+The Women very well shaped, though they
+endeavour to improve their Complexions
+with Washes and Paint. These of Quality
+wear such high-heeled Shoes, that they can
+scarce walk without having two people to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[203]</a></span>
+support them. In matters of Religion
+(though their worship is as pompous as Gold
+and Jewels can make it) the Venetians are
+very Easy and Unconcerned; and neither
+Pope nor Inquisition is thought much of in
+the Dominions of the Seignory. For Music
+in their Churches they have a perfect Passion.
+The City is well furnished with Necessaries;
+but the want of Cellarage makes all the
+Wine sour. The Inhabitants are of a Fresh
+Complexion, and not much troubled with
+Coughs; which is strange, they having so
+much Water about 'em. They begin their
+day at Sunset, and count one o'clock an
+hour after, and so on to twenty-four; which
+is likewise a Custom, I believe, among the
+Chineses.</p>
+
+<p>They bury their Dead within the Four-and-Twenty
+Hours, and sometimes sooner.
+The Funerals of Persons of Quality are performed
+with great Pomp and Solemnity;
+and the deceased are carried to the Place of
+Interment with their Faces bare. Whilst I
+was in Venice, their Patriarch (who is a
+kind of Independent Pontiff in his own<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[204]</a></span>
+way; for, as I have said, they reckon but
+little of his Holiness here) died, and was
+buried with this Ceremony. He was carried
+in one of his own Coaches, by night, to St.
+Mark's Church, which was all hung with
+Black for the occasion; and next day the
+Corpse was laid on a Bed in the very middle
+of the Church, dressed in the Sacerdotal
+Habit, with the Head towards the Choir,
+and his Tiara, or Mitre, lying at the feet.
+At each corner of the bed stood a <i>valet de
+chambre</i>, holding a Banner of Black Taffety,
+with the Arms of the Deceased. A hundred
+large Wax Tapers were placed in Candlesticks
+round the bed, and High Mass was
+sung; the Sopranos very beautiful. After
+Mass was over, all retired; but the Body
+lay exposed till evening, when it was stripped
+of its Vestments (for though a very Gorgeous
+people, they are Economical in their ways),
+and put into a Leaden Coffin, enclosed in
+another of Cypress, and was then let down
+into the Grave. 'Tis not usual with the
+Relations to attend the Funeral, which they
+look upon as a Barbarous Custom. But<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[205]</a></span>
+they wear Mourning longer and more regularly
+than in many other countries. A
+woman in a Mourning Habit appears Black
+from Head to Foot, not the least Bit of
+Linen being to be seen.</p>
+
+<p>The nature of my Employment now
+brought me into intimate Commerce with
+Monsieur B&mdash;&mdash;, a French Merchant of
+Lyons, who treated me with extraordinary
+Civility, and made great Offers of being of
+Assistance to me in my Voyage to Constantinople,
+whither I was now Bound. This
+Gentleman, by means of the French Ambassador
+at the Porte, had gotten a Firman,
+or passport, to enable him to Travel to that
+City, and with a proper number of Attendants,
+through any part of the Turkish
+Dominions. As 'tis inconvenient and dangerous
+Voyaging though the territories of
+the Great Turk without such a Protection,
+nothing could be more Agreeable than the
+offer he made me of his Company, the more
+so as his Eminence had enjoined me to keep
+a Strict Watch upon every thing that
+M. B&mdash;&mdash; said or did. He had designed to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[206]</a></span>
+reach Constantinople by Land through
+Bosnia, Servia, Bulgaria, and Roumania;
+yet, in compliance with my Inclination (I
+wish my Inclination had been at the Deuce),
+which was all for a Sea Passage, he consented
+to embark on board a Vessel bound
+to Candia and other Islands of the Archipelago,
+from which we were to procure a
+Passage to the Capital of the Ottoman Empire.
+What made this Gentleman's Society
+more acceptable, was his thorough Knowledge
+of the Trade of the Levant, and the
+Genius and Temper of the People. Thus,
+he informed me of the Method of Dealing
+with Jews, Armenians, and Greeks; of the
+Eastern manner of travelling in Caravans,
+and the necessary precautions against such
+Accidents as are mostly fatal to Strangers;
+and instructed me in the Art of concealing
+Things of Value,&mdash;although I think I too
+could have given him a lesson in that Device,&mdash;and
+avoiding those Snares which
+Governors, Military Officers, and Petty
+Princes make use of in order to plunder
+Travellers and Merchants. Under these<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[207]</a></span>
+favourable Auspices, we embarked, in the Autumn
+of '37, on board a Trading Vessel called
+the <i>San Marco</i>, bound for Candia, but first
+for Malta, so famous for its Order of Knights.
+A fine Gale at North-West carried us pleasantly
+down the Gulf of Venice, or Adriatic
+Sea; and on the fifth day we came in sight
+of Otranto, a Town destroyed by the Turks
+nigh Three Hundred years ago, since which
+time it has hardly regained its Ancient
+Lustre, but at present well Fortified, and
+defended by a High Castle, which I have
+heard the Honourable Mr. Walpole, a Fine,
+Lardy-Dardy, Maccaroni Gentleman, that
+lives at a place called Strawberry Hill, by
+Twitnam, in England, has written a silly
+Romantic Tale about. So we got clear of
+the Gulf of Venice, and in three days more,
+after making Cape Passaro in Sicily, entered
+the Haven of Malta.</p>
+
+<p>This is an Island that lies between Sicily
+and the Coast of Africa, and is of an Egg-shaped
+figure, about twenty miles long and
+twelve broad. The City of Malta is divided
+into three parts, which are properly so many<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[208]</a></span>
+Rocks jutting out into the Sea, with large
+Harbours between them. That called Valetta,
+in honour of the Grand Master who
+so gallantly defended the place against the
+Turks, is extremely well Fortified, and also
+defended by a Castle, held to be impregnable.
+The City contains about Two Thousand
+Houses, well built with white Stone, and
+Flat-roofed, surrounded by Rails and Balusters.
+On t'other side of the Harbour is
+another City, formerly called Il Borgo, or
+the Borough, but now named Citt&agrave; Vittoriosa,
+alluding to the terrible Mauling the
+Turks got here in 1566. St. John's Church
+very handsome, and on one side of it a
+fine Piazza, with a Fountain in the corner.
+Here are all the Tombs of the Grand
+Masters, and a great many Flags taken
+from the Turks. The Right Hand of St.
+John Baptist, wanting but Two Fingers,
+shown here for Money, with many other
+Relics and Ornaments. The Grand Master
+lives in a magnificent Palace; and close
+by is an Arsenal, with Arms for Thirty
+Thousand Men.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[209]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The Treasury is a very stately Edifice;
+but what gives the highest Idea of the
+Charity of this illustrious Order is their
+noble Hospital, where all the Sick are
+received and provided for with the utmost
+Care. The Rooms are large and commodious,
+and in each of them there are but
+two Patients. Their Diet is brought to
+them in rich Silver Plate by the Knights
+themselves, who are obliged to this attendance
+by their Constitutions; and such an
+exact Decorum is observed, and every thing
+performed with such Magnificence, that it
+raises the astonishment of Strangers.</p>
+
+<p>But if there be Charity and Benevolence
+for the Christian Sick, there is little Mercy
+shown towards Infidels and Miscreants.
+The Prison for the Slaves is an enormous
+Building, with a Colonnade running round
+it, and capable of lodging three or four
+Thousand of those Unhappy People. There
+are seldom less than Two Thousand in the
+House, except when the Galleys of the
+Order are at Sea upon some Expedition.
+Then the poor Wretches are Chained, Night<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[210]</a></span>
+and Day, to the Oar; but when on Shore
+they have only a small Lock on their Ankles,
+like the slaves at Leghorn, and are permitted
+to go to any part of the Island, from which
+they have seldom an opportunity of making
+their Escape.</p>
+
+<p>The Knights of the Order of St. John of
+Jerusalem, commonly called Knights of
+Malta, after removing from Jerusalem to
+Magrath, from thence to Acre, and thence
+to Rhodes, were expelled from that Island
+by the Sultan Solyman, having an Army of
+Three Hundred Thousand Men. The
+Knights retired, first to Candia, and then to
+Sicily; but at last the Emperor Charles the
+Fifth gave 'em the Island of Malta, which
+they hold to this day. They formerly consisted
+of Eight Languages or Tongues, according
+to their Different Nations, viz. those
+of Provence, Auvergne, France, Italy, Arragon,
+Germany, Castile, and England; but
+this last one has been extinct since our Harry
+the Eighth's time, and what English Knights
+there be who are Papists are forced to find
+their Tongue where they can. Each of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[211]</a></span>
+Languages has its Chiefs, who are also called
+Pillars and Grand Crosses, being distinguished
+by a large White Cross 'broidered
+on their Breasts. The Seven Languages
+have their respective Colleges and Halls in
+Malta, the Head of each House being called
+the Grand Prior of his Nation; and to each
+belongs a certain number of his Commanderies.
+The Knights, at their entrance
+into the Order, must prove their Legitimacy,
+as well as Nobility, by four Descents, and
+are termed Chevaliers by Right. Those who
+are raised to the rank of Nobles, for some
+Valiant Exploit, are called Chevaliers by
+Favour. None are admitted by the Statutes
+of the Order under the age of Sixteen; but
+some are received from their very Infancy
+on paying a large Sum of Money, or by Dispensation
+from the Pope. All the Knights
+oblige themselves to Celibacy, which does
+not hinder their leading very Disorderly
+Lives; and indeed Malta is full of Loose
+Cattle of all kinds. When they are Professed,
+a Carpet is spread on the Ground, on which
+is set a Piece of Bread, a Cup of Water, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[212]</a></span>
+a Naked Blade; and they are told, "This is
+what Religion gives you. You must procure
+yourself the rest with your Sword." The
+which they do, to a pretty considerable Tune,
+by spoiling of the Turks. After they make
+their Vows, they wear a White Cross or
+Star, with Eight Points, over their Cloaks or
+Coats, on the Left Side, which is the proper
+Badge of their Order, the Golden Maltese
+Cross being only an Ornament. The ordinary
+Habit of the Grand Master is a kind of Cassock,
+open before, and tied about him with
+a Girdle, at which hangs a Purse, alluding
+to the Charitable ends of their Order;&mdash;but
+'tis not to be denied that they have grown
+very Proud, and Live, many of 'em, in as
+Shameful Luxury as the Prince Bishops of
+Germany. Over his Cassock the Grand
+Master wears a Velvet Gown or Cloak when
+he goes to Church on Solemn Festivals. He
+is addressed under the Title of Eminence by
+all the Knights; but his Subjects of Malta,
+and the Neighbouring Islands, style him
+Your Highness. As Sovereign, he coins
+Money, pardons Criminals, and bestows the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[213]</a></span>
+places of Grand Priors, Bailiffs, &amp;c.; but in
+most cases of importance is obliged to seek
+the advice of his Council, so that he is not
+wholly Absolute. The Ecclesiastics proper
+of the Order&mdash;for the rest are but Military
+Monks, that do a great deal more Fighting
+than Praying, and savour much more of
+the Camp than of the Convent&mdash;are Chaplains,
+Monastic Clerks, and Deacons. They
+likewise wear a White Cross, partake of the
+Privileges of the Institution, and are great
+Rascals.</p>
+
+<p>'Tis well known that the Knights of
+Malta are destined to the Profession of Arms
+for the Defence of the Christian Faith, and
+the Protection of Pilgrims of all Nations.
+It is to be observed, that there are also
+Female Hospitallers of the Order of St.
+John, sometimes called Chevali&egrave;res, or She-Knights,
+of equal Antiquity with the
+Knights, whose business it is to take care of
+the Women Pilgrims in a Hospital apart
+from that of the Men. As the Order look
+upon the Turks as the Great Enemies of
+Christianity, they think themselves obliged<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[214]</a></span>
+to be in a state of perpetual Hostility with
+that people, and, for Centuries, have never so
+much as signed the preliminaries of a Peace
+with 'em. They have performed innumerable
+and astonishing exploits against their
+much-hated Enemies, the Insolence of whose
+Rovers they continue to Restrain and
+Chastise, except when the Rovers, as sometimes
+happens, get the better of 'em. They
+have Seven Galleys belonging to the Order,
+each of which carries Five Hundred Men,
+and as many Wretches in Fetters tugging
+away at the Oar, for Dear Life. Every one
+of these Galleys mounts Sixteen Pieces of
+Heavy Artillery; and besides these they fit
+out a great many Private Ships, by license
+from the Grand Master, to cruise up and
+down among the Turks, doing great Havoc,
+and thereby growing very Rich. Thus it
+will be plain to the Reader that a Knight
+of Malta is a kind of Medley of Seaman,
+Swashbuckler, and Saint&mdash;Admiral Benbow,
+Field-Marshal Wade, and Friar Tuck all
+rolled up into one.</p>
+
+<p>I did become acquainted with one of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[215]</a></span>
+these Holy Roystering Cavalieros, by the
+name of Don Ercolo Amadeo Sparafucile di
+San Lorenzo, that was a perfect Model of all
+these Characteristics. He Confessed with
+almost as great regularity as he Sinned.
+The Chaplains must have held him as one
+of the heartiest of Penitents; for he never
+came back from a Cruise without a whole
+Sackful of Misdeeds, and straightway hied
+him to St. John's Church, to fling his Sinful
+Ballast overboard and lighten ship. How
+he swore! I never heard a man take the
+entrails of Alexander the Great in vain
+before; but this was an ordinary expletive
+with Don Ercolo. He belonged to the
+Italian Language, though I suspected he
+had a dash of the Spanish in him; and
+many a Gay Bout over the choicest of
+Wines have I had with him at his Inn, as
+their College-halls are sometimes called. He
+could drink like a Fish, and fight like a
+Paladin. He was a good Practical Sailor and
+Master of Navigation; Rode with ease and
+dexterity; and was a Proficient in that most
+difficult trick of the <i>Man&egrave;ge</i>, that of riding<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[216]</a></span>
+a horse <i>en Biais</i>, as the French term it, and
+of which our Newcastle has learnedly
+treated; was an admirable Performer on the
+Guitar and Viol di Gamba; Sung very
+sweetly; Fenced exquisitely; must have
+been in his Youth (he was now about Sixty,
+and his Hair was grizzled grey) as Beautiful
+as a Woman, as Graceful as my Sweet Protectress
+Lilias, as Brave as the Cid, and as
+Cruel as Pedro of Spain. As it is so long
+ago, and the Principal Parties in the Affair
+are all Dead, I don't mind disclosing that
+my Instructions from his Eminence the Cardinal
+were to Buy the Cavaliere di San
+Lorenzo at any Price. I told him so plainly
+over a Flask of Right Alicant, at a little
+Feast I had made for him in return for his
+many Hospitalities, and gave him to understand
+that he had but to say the word, and
+Scroppa, the great Goldsmith of Strada
+Reale, would be glad to cash his Draft for
+any Sum under Fifty Thousand Ducats. For
+his Eminence wanted the Cavaliere to be a
+Friend of France, and France at that time<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[217]</a></span>
+thought that she very much wanted the
+Island of Malta.</p>
+
+<p>Don Ercolo was not in the least angry;
+only, he Laughed in my Face.</p>
+
+<p>"Chevalier Escarbotin," he said gaily,
+"you have mistaken your man. Tell his
+Eminence the Cardinal de &mdash;&mdash; that he may
+go and hang himself. I am not to be
+bought. I am Rich to Two Hundred and
+Fifty Thousand ounces of Gold, all got out
+of spoiling the Infidels. When I die, I shall
+leave half to the Order, and half to the families
+of certain Poor Women Creatures whom
+I have wronged, and who are Dead."</p>
+
+<p>I said, to appease him, that I was but
+Joking.</p>
+
+<p>"Ta, ta, ta!" retorts he. "I know your
+Trade well enough. I have been too much
+among men not to be able to scent out a
+Spy. But you are a very Jovial Fellow,
+Escarbotin; and I don't care what you are,
+so long as you are not a Turk, which, by
+the way, I don't think you would mind
+turning."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[218]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"O, Signore Cavaliere!"&mdash;I began to expostulate.</p>
+
+<p>"What does it matter?" quoth Don
+Ercolo. "Does it matter anything at all?
+Perhaps some of these days, when I am tired
+of the Eight Points, I shall take the Turban
+myself."</p>
+
+<p>"A Renegado!" I cried.</p>
+
+<p>"Many a brave Gentleman has turned
+Renegado ere this," answered he. "Next to
+the pleasure of Fighting the Turks, I should
+esteem the condition of being a Turk myself,
+and fighting against the Order of Malta.
+But I forgot. You are a Lutheran; although
+how you came to be a Protestant, with that
+name of Escarbotin, I can't make out."</p>
+
+<p>I murmured something about belonging
+to the Reformed Church at Geneva; although
+I forgot that they were mostly Calvinists
+there, not Lutherans. But of this Don Ercolo
+took little notice, and went on.</p>
+
+<p>"When you write to the Cardinal, tell him
+that Ercolo Amadeo Sparafucile di San Lorenzo
+is not to be purchased. The sly old
+Fox! He knows I have great influence with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[219]</a></span>
+my Uncle the Grand Master. Tell him that
+I am very much obliged to him for his Offer,
+and thank him for old Acquaintance' sake.
+Nay; I believe I am some kind of Kinsman
+of his Eminence, on the Mother's side. But
+assure him that I am not in the least Angry
+with him. If I were Poor, I should probably
+accept his Offer; but none of the Poor
+Knights of our Order are worth Buying. It
+matters little to me whether France, or Spain,
+or even Heretic England gets hold of this
+scorching Rock, with its Swarms of Hussies
+and Rascals; only I prefer amusing myself,
+and fighting the Turks, to meddling in
+Politics, and running the risk of a life-long
+dungeon in the Castle of St. Elmo."</p>
+
+<p>There was a long Silence after this, and
+he seemed plunged in profound Meditation.
+Suddenly he fills a Cup with Wine, drains
+it, and, in his old careless manner, says
+to me,</p>
+
+<p>"Tell him this&mdash;be sure to tell him, lest
+he should be at the trouble of sending Emissaries
+to Poison me&mdash;I have the best Antidote
+of any in the Levant, and shall take<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[220]</a></span>
+three drops of it after every Bite and Sup for
+Six Months to come. Not that I dread you.
+All Spy as you are, you still look like an
+Honest Fellow. <i>You</i> would not poison an
+old Friend, would you, Little <span class="smcap">Jack Dangerous</span>?"</p>
+
+<p>I started to my feet, and stared at the
+grizzled, handsome Knight in blank amazement.
+We had been conversing in the
+French tongue; but the latter part of his
+Speech he had uttered in mine own English,
+and with a faultless accent. Moreover,
+where before had I heard that Voice, had I
+seen that Face? My Memory rolled back
+over the hills and valleys of years; but the
+Mountains were too high, and the Recesses
+behind them inaccessible without Mental
+Climbing, for which I was not prepared.</p>
+
+<p>"Little Jack Dangerous," continued the
+grizzled Knight, "where have you been
+these Seven-and-thirty Years? When I
+knew you first, you were but a poor little
+Runaway Schoolboy, and I was a Tearing
+Fellow in the Flush and Pride of my hot
+Youth."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[221]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"A Runaway Schoolboy!" I stammered.</p>
+
+<p>"Ay! had you not fled from the Tyranny
+of one Gnawbit?"</p>
+
+<p>"I remember Gnawbit well," I answered,
+with a shudder.</p>
+
+<p>"Do you remember Charlwood Chase,
+and the Blacks that were wont to kill
+Venison there?"</p>
+
+<p>"I do."</p>
+
+<p>"And Mother Drum, and Cicely, and
+Jowler, and the Night Attack, and how
+near you were being hanged? Do you remember
+Captain Night?"</p>
+
+<p>A Light broke in upon me. I recognised
+my earliest Protector. I seized his Hand.
+I was fairly blubbering, and would have
+rushed into his Arms; but there was something
+Cold and Haughty in his Manner that
+repulsed me.</p>
+
+<p>"'Tis well," he said. "I am a Knight
+of the most Illustrious Order of St. John of
+Jerusalem, and an Italian Cavalier of Degree.
+You&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"I am a Spy," I cried out half-sobbing.
+"What was I to do? My Malignant Fate<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[222]</a></span>
+hath ever been against me. I am despicable
+in your Eyes, but not so despicable as I am
+in mine own."</p>
+
+<p>"There, there," he cries out, very placably.
+"There's no great harm done, and there's
+much of a muchness between us. When
+you first came across me, was I not stealing
+the King's Deer in Charlwood Chase, besides
+being in trouble&mdash;I don't mind owning to
+you now&mdash;on account of King James?
+'Twixt you, Jack Dangerous, Flibustier,
+Saltabadil, and Spy, and Captain Night, now
+called Don Ercolo et cetera, et cetera di San
+Lorenzo, and a Knight of Malta, there is
+not much, perhaps, to choose. The World
+hath its strange Ups and Downs, and we
+must e'en make the best of them. Sit you
+down, Jack Dangerous, and we will have
+t'other Flask."</p>
+
+<p>We had t'other Flask, and very good
+Wine it was; and for the rest of the time I
+remained in Malta, Don Ercolo continued to
+be my Fast Friend, even as he had been in
+my Youth. And yet 'twas mainly through
+his Instrumentality that I quitted the Island;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[223]</a></span>
+for he sent his Page to me with a Letter,
+written in our own dear English Tongue, in
+the which he instantly desired me, as I
+valued my Life and the Interests of my Employers,
+to put the Broad Seas between myself
+and the Grand Master; for that an
+Inkling of my Errand had got wind, and
+that the Party unfavourable to France being
+then uppermost, I ran immediate risk of
+being cast into a Dungeon, if not Hanged.
+For this Reason, said Don Ercolo, he must
+forbear any further Commerce with me (not
+wishing to draw Suspicion on himself, for
+the Knights are very jealous in Political
+Affairs); but he assured me of his continued
+Friendship, and desired if I stood in Need
+of any Funds for my Journey, to inform the
+Page, that he might furnish me secretly
+with what Gold I needed. But I wanted
+nothing in this way, having ample Credits;
+so making up my Valises with all convenient
+Speed, the Chevalier Escarbotin bade
+adieu to Malta.</p>
+
+<p>I took a passage in a Speronare that was
+bound to Candia, where I hoped to find<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[224]</a></span>
+some Trading Vessel of heavier Burden to
+take me to Constantinople. The Mediterranean
+Sea here very beautiful, and delightful
+to see the Dolphins, Tunnies, and other Fish,
+that frequently leapt out of the Water, and
+followed our Ship in great Numbers. Also
+a Waterspout, which is a Phenomenon very
+well known to Seamen in the Levant Trade,
+and reckoned very dangerous. It looked
+mighty Fierce and Terrific; and our Sailors,
+to conjure it away, had recourse to the Superstitious
+Devices of cutting the air with a
+Black-Handled Knife, and reading the First
+Chapter of St. John's Gospel, accounted of
+great Efficacy in dispersing these Spouts.</p>
+
+<p>Woe is me! After Six Days' most pleasant
+Sailing, and after doubling Cape Spada,
+and in very sight of Canea (which is the
+Port of Candia), a strange Sail hove in Sight,
+gave Chase, came up to us an hour before
+sundown, and without as much as, By your
+leave, or With your leave, opened Fire upon
+us. A Couple of Swingeers from her Double-shotted
+Guns were a Bellyful for our poor
+little Speronare, in which there were but Ten<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[225]</a></span>
+Men and a Boy, Passengers included; and
+we were fain to submit. Oh, the intolerable
+Shame and Disgrace! that Jack Dangerous,
+who had been All Round the World with
+that Renowned Commander, Captain Blokes,
+and had Chased, Taken, and Plundered
+many a good tall ship belonging to the
+Spaniards,&mdash;ay, and had landed on their
+Main, Spoiled their Cities and Settlements,
+Toasted their fine Ladies, and held their
+Chief Governors to Ransom,&mdash;should be laid
+in the Bilboes by a Rascally African Pirate
+Vessel mounting Nine Guns, and belonging
+to the most Heathenish, Knavish, and Bloodthirsty
+Town of Algiers. My Gall works
+now to think of it; but Force was against
+us, and the Disaster was not to be helped.
+I was in such a Mad Rage as to be near
+Braining the Captain of the Speronare with
+a Marline-Spike, and would have assuredly
+blown out the Brains of the first Moor that
+boarded us, had not the Italian Captain and
+his Mate seized each one of my arms, and by
+Main Force wrested my Weapons from me.
+And in this (though hotly enraged with 'em<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[226]</a></span>
+at first, and calling them all kinds of Abusive
+Epithets) I think they acted less like
+Traitors than like Persons of Sense and Discretion;
+for what were we Ten (and the
+Boy) against full Fifty powerful Devils, all
+armed to the Teeth, and who would assuredly
+have cut all our Throats had we
+shown the least Resistance?</p>
+
+<p>So they had their Will of us, and we were
+all made Prisoners, preparatory to undergoing
+the worse Fate of Slaves. Vain now,
+indeed, were all his Eminence's Secret Precautions
+about the Concealment of Missives;
+for these Rascal Moors made no more ado,
+but stripped us of every Rag of Clothing,
+ripping up the Seams thereof, and examining
+our very Hair, in quest of Gold and Jewels.
+The Boatswain, however, that was appointed
+to search me, after taking from me all my
+Stock of Money, which was Considerable,
+returned to me the famous Bit of Parchment
+between the Glasses, which was to bear me
+Harmless against the Claws of Holy Mother
+Church if she happened to turn Tiger-Cat;
+for these Mahometans have a profound re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[227]</a></span>spect
+for Charms and Amulets, and very
+like he took this for one, which could be no
+good to him, an Infidel, but might serve a
+Frank at a pinch. There was another
+Article, too, which he restored to me, after
+Examination, and of which I have hitherto
+made no mention. What was this but a
+little Portrait of my Beloved Protectress,
+which I carried with me next my Heart?
+Not that I had ever ventured to be so bold
+as to Ask her for such a pledge, or that
+she had been complaisant enough to give it
+me; but while I was in Paris there had been
+limned by the great French Painter,
+Monsieur Boucher, a Picture of one of the
+Opera Ballets, not Orpheus's Story, but
+something out of Homer's Poetry,&mdash;<i>Ulysse
+chez Alcinous</i>, I think 'twas called,&mdash;and this
+Picture contained very Life-like Effigies of
+all the Dancers that stood in the front rank,
+of whom my sweet Mistress Lilias was one.
+From this an Engraving in the Line Manner
+was made, which was put forth by the Print-sellers
+just before I left Paris; and I declare
+I gave a Louis d'Or, and Ten Livres, Twelve<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[228]</a></span>
+Sols, for a Copy, and cutting out the Pictured
+Head of my Protectress with a sharp
+Penknife, had it pasted down and framed in
+a Golden Locket. When the Boatswain saw
+this, he Grinned, till the Turban round his
+tawny Head might have been taken for a
+Horse-collar. He wrenched the Portrait out
+of its Frame, and put the Gold among the
+heap of Plunder that was gathered, for after
+division, on the Deck, and was then about to
+throw the dear Bit of Paper into the Sea,&mdash;for
+these Moors think it Sinful to portray
+the Human Countenance in any way,&mdash;but
+I besought him so Earnestly, both by Signs
+and supplicatory Gestures, and even, I believe,
+Tears, to restore it to me, that he desisted;
+and putting his Finger to his Lips,
+as a Hint that I was not to reveal his
+Clemency to his Commander, gave me back
+my precious Portrait. He would have, however,
+the fine Chain I wore round my Neck;
+so I was fain to make an Opening between
+the two Sheets of Glass that covered my
+Amulet, and push in the Portrait, face downwards;
+and the two together I hung to a bit<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[229]</a></span>
+of slender Lanyard. But all my brave Clothes
+were taken from me, and in an Hour after
+my Capture I was Bare-footed, and with no
+other Apparel than a Ragged Shirt and a
+Pair of Drawers of Canvas. To this Accoutrement
+was speedily added about
+Twenty-one Pounds of Fetters on the
+Wrists and Ankles; and then I, and the
+Captain, and the Mate, and the Men, and
+the Boy, were put into a Boat and taken on
+board the Algerine, where we were flung into
+the Hold, and had nothing better to eat for
+many days than Mouldy Biscuit and Bilge-Water.
+The Cargo of the Speronare was
+mostly Crockery-ware and Household Stuff,
+for the use of the Candiotes; and the Moors
+would not be at the trouble of Removing, so
+they Scuttled her, and bore away to the
+Norrard.</p>
+
+<p><i>Item.</i>&mdash;I swallowed my Despatches; but
+the Moors got hold of my Letters of Credit
+and my Cipher.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[230]</a></span></p>
+<h2>CHAPTER THE EIGHTH.</h2>
+
+<h3>AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS
+BECOMES BESTUSCHID BASHAW.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">So</span> we were all taken into Algiers. 'Tis
+called "The Warlike" by that proud People,
+the Turks; but with much more Reason, I
+think, should it be named "The Thievish."
+Out upon the Robbers' Den! This most
+abominable Place, which has, during so many
+Ages, braved the Resentment of the most
+powerful Princes of Christendom, is said to
+contain above 100,000 Mahometans,&mdash;among
+them not above Thirty Renegadoes,&mdash;15,000
+Jews, and 4000 Christian Slaves. 'Tis full
+of Mosques and other Heathenish places of
+Worship, and is strongly Fortified, both
+towards the Sea and the Land. The Ship
+that took us was a Brigantine; and they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[231]</a></span>
+have nigh a Hundred of 'em (besides Rowboats),
+mounting from Ten to Fifty Guns,
+with which they ravage the Trade of Europe.
+There is little within the City that is Curious,
+save the Dogs, which are very abundant, and
+very Fierce and Nasty. The Street Bab-Azoun
+is full of Shops, and Jews dealing in
+Gems and Goldsmiths' Work. The Hills and
+Valleys round the City are every where
+beautified with Gardens and Country Seats,
+whither the Wealthy Turks retire during
+the Heats of Summer. Some of the Wild
+Bedoween Tribes up the country go Bare-headed,
+binding their Temples only with a
+Fillet to prevent their hair growing troublesome.
+But the Moors and Turks in Algiers
+wear on the Crowns of their Heads a small
+Cap of Scarlet Woollen Cloth, that is made
+at Fez. The Turban is folded round the
+bottom of these Caps, and by the fashion of
+the folds you can tell the Soldiers from the
+Citizens. The Arabs wear a loose Garment
+called a Hyke, which serves them as a complete
+Dress by Day, and a Bed and Coverlet
+by Night. 'Tis observable that when the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[232]</a></span>
+Moorish Women appear in Public, they
+constantly fold themselves so close up in
+their Hykes that very little of their Faces
+can be seen; but in the Summer Months,
+when they retire to their Country Seats,
+they walk about with less Caution and
+Reserve, and, at the approach of a Stranger,
+only let fall their Veils.</div>
+
+<p>What became of the Master and Crew of
+the Speronare I know not. They were but
+Weakly Creatures; and I conjecture were
+sold off into private Hands and sent up the
+country. Now, although I was past the
+Middle Age, and indeed drifting into years,
+I was still of Unbowed Stature and great
+Strength, and a Personable Fellow, hardened
+in the furnace of Danger and Adventure.
+This led to my being reserved from the
+public Slave-Market for the Dey of Algiers'
+own use. Woe is me, again! The Distinction
+profited me little, for it merely amounted
+to my being made Stroke-oar of the third
+row of the Dey's State-barge, or Galleasse.
+Imagine me now, in a Tunic and Drawers
+of Scarlet Serge, and a White Turban round<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[233]</a></span>
+my Head to keep me from Sun-stroke,
+chained by the Ankles to a bench, and with
+an Iron Collar round my Neck, from which
+another Chain passed to a Bar running fore
+and aft the whole length of the Galleasse.
+Between the benches of Rowers runs a
+narrow Planking; and up and down this
+continually patrols a great Tawny Ruffian
+of a Moorish Boatswain, armed with a Whip
+of Rhinoceros Hide, which, with a Will, he
+lays on to the Shoulders of those who do not
+tug hard enough at the Oar. Miserable and
+fallen as was my state, I did yet manage to
+evade the crowning Degradation of Stripes;
+for, being a Man used to the Sea, and full
+of Courageous Activity, I got through my
+toil so as to make it impossible for my
+Superiors to find fault with me; and besides,
+in a few words of Lingua Franca that I
+picked up, I gave the Boatswain to understand
+that if he ever hit me with his Rhinoceros
+Thong, I should take the earliest
+opportunity of Strangling him. As for our
+Food, 'twas mainly Beans, and in the morning
+a Mess of boiled Maize they call Cous<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[234]</a></span>coussou,
+with some villanous Rank Butter,
+melted, poured over it. And sometimes the
+Carcass of a Sheep that had died of Disease
+was given to us. But whatever we had was
+eaten on our benches, and the Cook of the
+Galleasse passed up and down the planking
+to serve out the Rations. We Ate on our
+benches, we Slept on our benches, and some
+of us died on our benches. There were
+Ninety-two Christian Slaves on board the
+Dey's Galleasse, and Twelve on my Bench.
+Being Stroke-oar, I was spared the continual
+contemplation of a Man's back in front of
+me, which other Slaves have told me makes
+you so mad that you want to Bite him; but
+'twas scarcely less Vexatious to have behind,
+as I had, a Chattering Fellow of a Frenchman,
+for ever jabbering forth his complaints,
+and not bearing them with the surly Dignity
+of a Briton. I could almost <i>hear</i> this fellow
+grimace; and he was never tired of bemoaning
+his bygone happy state as a Hairdresser's
+Journeyman in the Rue St. Honor&eacute; at Paris.
+"Why did a Vain Ambition prompt me to
+journey from Marseilles to Constantinople?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[235]</a></span>
+cried he about Fifty times a day. "Why
+did I rely on the protection of my Wife's
+Cousin, who gave me recommendations to
+his brother, Cook-in-Chief to the Ambassador
+of France at the court of the Antique
+Byzantium (<i>l'antique Byzance</i>)? Where is
+my Wife? Where is my Wife's Cousin?
+They are drinking the wine of Ramponneau;
+they are dancing at the Barriers. Oh, my
+Cocotte! where is my Cocotte?"</p>
+
+<p>"Hang your Cocotte!" I used to cry out
+in a rage. "'Tis bad enough to be mewed
+up here like a Bear in a pit, without being
+worried by a counfounded Barber's Clerk!"</p>
+
+<p>I had been Tugging at the Oar full Six
+Months, when a change came over my
+lamentable Lot. The Dey of Algiers was
+at this time one Mahomet Bassa, a very
+Bold, Fierce, Fighting Man, but of the
+meanest Extraction, and one, indeed, that
+had been no more than a common Soldier,
+from which he had sprung to be, by turns,
+Oda-Bashee or Lieutenant, Bullock-Bashee
+or Captain, Tiah-Bashee or Colonel, and
+Aga or General. For among these strange<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[236]</a></span>
+people every valiant and aspiring Soldier,&mdash;I
+wish 'twas so in England,&mdash;though taken
+yesterday from the Plough, may be considered
+as Heir-Apparent to the Throne.
+Nor are they ashamed of the obscurity of
+their birth. This Mahomet Bassa, in a dispute
+he once had with the Spanish Consul,
+said: "My mother sold Sheep's Trotters,
+and my father Neat's Tongues; but they
+would have been ashamed to expose for sale
+on their stalls a Tongue so worthless as
+thine." Mahomet Bassa was, like most of
+the Turks, a man of Pleasure, and his Harem
+was furnished with an extraordinary number
+of choice Beauties.</p>
+
+<p>His Highness (as he is called), happening
+to single me out from the rest of the Slaves
+on board of the Galleasse, and being told that
+I was English&mdash;for equally in hopes of
+Bettering my Condition, and for the purpose
+of keeping Secret my Employment with his
+Eminence, I had avowed myself to be of
+that Nation&mdash;ordered me to be released
+from my Chains, and brought before him at
+the Divan. Through his Interpreter, a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[237]</a></span>
+cunning Rogue from Corfu, who spoke most
+Languages indifferently well, he asked me
+who I was, and how I came to be aboard
+the Speronare. I answered, conveniently
+mixing fact with fiction, that I had been a
+Captain by Sea and Land in the Service of
+the King of England; that I had earned a
+good deal of Prize-Money; had retired
+from Active Duties, being now nigh upon
+Fifty years of Age, and was taking my
+pleasure by voyaging in a part of Europe
+with which I had hitherto been little
+acquainted. This Answer seemed to satisfy
+him pretty well; although he was very
+curious to know whether I had any Kindred
+in the Island of Malta, or any foregathering
+among the Knights. Fortunately for me
+the Interpreter, to whom I had given a
+hint of ultimate Reward, deposed that I
+could not speak twenty words of Maltese
+(which is a kind of Bastard Italian); and he
+told me that if it had been discovered that
+I was in any way Connected with the Order,
+I should surely have been Impaled; the
+Dey being then in a towering rage with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[238]</a></span>
+the Knights, one of whose commanders had
+just captured one of his finest Brigantines,
+and Dressed Ship, as he humorously put
+it, by hanging every Man-Jack of the Crew
+at the Yard-arm, and the Algerine Captain
+at the Mizen. The Dey then asked me if I
+had any Friends who I thought would pay
+my Ransom, the which he placed at the
+Moderate Computation of Four Thousand
+Gold Achmedies (about Fifteen Hundred
+Pounds sterling). I answered, that I
+thought I could raise about half that Sum,
+if I were allowed to communicate with one
+Monsieur Foscue, a Banker at Marseilles,
+upon whom I had&mdash;or rather my Captors
+had&mdash;a Letter of Credit, which they had
+taken from me. But by Ill-luck this Letter
+of Credit could not be found. The Captain
+and Crew of the Rover that took the Speronare
+were all well bastinadoed about it,
+but no Letter was forthcoming; and I am
+more inclined to think that it was thrown,
+in sheer Ignorance, overboard, than that it
+was Embezzled. However, as 'twas not to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[239]</a></span>
+be discovered, <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'they'">the</ins> Dey began to look upon
+me as an Impostor; but I earnestly represented
+to the Interpreter that, if I had time
+to write to Monsieur Foscue, all would be
+right. This I had his Highness's gracious
+permission to do, and meanwhile was to
+remain a Slave; but was not sent back to
+the Galleys. Being a Strong Fellow, and professing
+to know something about Gardening&mdash;Lord
+help me! I had never touched a
+Spade ten times in my Life&mdash;I was sent to
+work in his Highness's Gardens at the
+Castle of Sitteet-ako-Leet. As for my
+Letter, I penned it in as good French as
+I could muster, begging Monsieur Foscue
+to communicate at once with his Eminence,
+telling him how I had been captured, and
+that my Letter of Credit had been taken
+from me, and of the Sorry Plight I was now
+in. I was given to understand that from
+Six to Nine Months must pass by before I
+could expect an Answer; for that Safe Conducts
+to Christian Packets between Algiers
+and Marseilles were only granted thrice a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[240]</a></span>
+year, and the last was but just departed.
+Whereupon I resigned myself to my Captivity,
+hoping for Better Days.</p>
+
+<p>The Head Gardener of the Dey was an
+old Renegado German, named Baupwitz,
+who tried hard to convert me to the Mussulman
+Faith. But in addition to my stanch
+Attachment to the Protestant Religion, I
+could see that the State and Condition of
+the few Renegados in Algiers was very
+mean and miserable, and that they were
+despised alike by Turks, Moors, Arabs,
+Bedoweens, and Jews. And, indeed, what
+good had Baupwitz done himself by turning
+Paynim? Thus much I put to him plainly;
+at which the Old Man was angered, and for
+some days used me very spitefully; when
+the Dey, coming to the Castle, took it into
+his head to have me brought back to
+Algiers, and enrolled among his Musicians
+as a Player upon the Cymbals. I declare
+that although able to troll out a Stave now
+and then, I could not so much as Whistle
+"God save the King;" but I managed to
+clash my two Saucepan-Lids or Cymbals<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[241]</a></span>
+together and to make a Noise, which is all
+the Turks care for, they having no proper
+Ear for Music. As one of his Highness's
+Musicians, I was dressed very grandly, with
+a monstrous Turban all covered with Gold
+Spangles and Silk Tassels; but I had a
+Collar of Silver riveted round my Neck, and
+Silver Shackles round my Ancles, and Silver
+Manacles round my Wrists; and was still
+a Slave.</p>
+
+<p>The rest of the Musicians were either
+Black Negroes or Cophtic Christians, and
+they used me with Decent Civility; nor did
+the Master of the Musicians&mdash;otherwise a
+most cruel Moor&mdash;go out of his way to
+flout, much less smite me with his Rattan.
+If he had dared but to lay one Stripe upon
+me, I would have sprang upon the Wretch
+and dashed out his Brains with my Cymbals,
+even if I had been put upon the Pale for it
+half an hour afterwards.</p>
+
+<p>Lodged in the Guard-house at the Dey's
+Palace, with pretty abundant Rations, and
+some few Piastres daily to buy Wine (I
+being a Frank) and Tobacco, and pretty well<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[242]</a></span>
+treated by the Colologlies, or Moorish Soldiers,
+I did not pass such a very bad time of
+it; and when off Duty, had liberty to go
+about the City and Suburbs pretty much as
+I chose. And I was a hundred times better
+off than the Moslem Slaves are at Malta.</p>
+
+<p>These Algerines are an Uncouth, Savage
+People; and the Turkish Despotism has
+quite destroyed that security and Liberty
+which of old gave birth and encouragement
+to Learning: hence the knowledge of Medicine,
+Philosophy, and the Mathematics,
+which once so flourished among the Arabs,
+is now almost entirely lost. The Children
+of the Moors and Turks are sent to School
+at about Six years old, where they are
+taught to Read and Write for the value of
+about a Penny a week of our Money.
+Instead of Paper or a Slate, each boy has a
+piece of thin square Board, slightly daubed
+over with Whiting; on this he makes his
+Letters, which may be wiped off or renewed
+at pleasure. Having made some progress
+in the Koran, he is initiated into the Ceremonies
+and Mysteries of the Mahometan<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[243]</a></span>
+Religion; and when he has distinguished
+himself in any of these branches of Learning,
+he is Richly Dressed, mounted on a Horse
+finely Caparisoned, and paraded, amidst the
+Huzzas of his School-fellows, through the
+Streets; while his Friends and Relations
+assemble to congratulate his Parents, and
+load him with Toys and Sweetmeats. And
+this Observance answers to our Western
+Rite of Confirmation. But after being three
+or four years at School, the Boys are put
+'Prentice to Trades or enrolled in the Army,
+where they very speedily forget all they
+have learnt.</p>
+
+<p>Though such bold Sailors, the Algerines
+are very despicable as Navigators. Their
+chief Astronomer, Muley Hamet Ben Daoud,
+when I was there, who superintended and
+regulated the Hours of Prayer by the Moon
+and Stars, had not the skill to make a Sundial;
+and in Navigation they cannot get
+beyond Pricking of a Chart, and distinguishing
+the Eight principal Points of the
+Compass. Even Chemistry, which was
+once the favourite Science of these people, is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[244]</a></span>
+at present only applied to the Distilling of
+a little Rose-water. The Physicians chiefly
+study the Spanish Translation of Dioscorides
+(that was a Learned Leech in Olden Times);
+but the Figures of the Plants and Animals
+are more consulted than the Descriptions:
+yet are these Knaves naturally Subtle and
+Ingenious; wanting nothing but Application
+and Patronage to cultivate and improve
+their Faculties. They are for the most part
+Predestinarians, and pay little regard to
+Physic, either leaving the Disorder to contend
+with Nature, or making use of Charms
+and Incantations. They, however, resort
+to the Hammam, or Hot Bagnio (a great
+Sweating-bath, and a sovereign Remedy for
+most Distempers), and have a few Specifics
+in general use. Thus, in Pleurisy and the
+Rheumatics they make several Punctures on
+the part affected with a Red-hot Needle;
+and into simple Gun-shot Wounds they
+pour Fresh Butter almost boiling hot. The
+Prickly Pear roasted in Ashes is applied to
+Bruises, Swellings, and Inflammations; and
+a dram or two of the Round Birthwort is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[245]</a></span>
+esteemed the best remedy in the world for
+the Choler. But few Compound Medicines;
+only, for that dreadful scourge the Plague
+(from which Lord deliver all Men not being
+Heathens!), they commonly use a Mixture
+of Myrrh, Saffron, Aloes, and Syrup of
+Myrtle-berries,&mdash;which does not hinder 'em
+from dying like Sheep with the Rot.</p>
+
+<p>There are no Public Clocks here; those
+contrivances, with Bells, being held an
+Impious Aping of Providence. And the
+only way you have of telling the Time is by
+the Fellows up in the Minarets calling 'em
+to Prayers. Some of the rich Agas have
+Watches, bought or stolen out of Europe;
+but they are usually spoilt by the Women
+of the Harem playing with 'em. The Dey's
+principal Wife, Zora&iuml;de Khanum, is said to
+have boiled a large Gold Chronometer, made
+by Silvain of Paris, with Cream and Sweet
+Almonds. Yet does a remnant of their
+Ancestors' old skill in Arithmetic and
+Algebra linger among 'em; for whereas not
+One in Twenty Thousand can do an Equation
+(and Captain Blokes taught me, and I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[246]</a></span>
+have since forgotten How), yet the Merchants
+are frequently very dexterous in Reckoning
+by Memory, and have also a singular method
+of Numeration, by putting their hands into
+each other's Sleeves, and touching one
+another with this or that Finger, or a particular
+joint, each standing for a determined
+Sum or Number. Thus, without ere moving
+their lips,&mdash;and your Mussulman has a wholesome
+horror of squandering Words,&mdash;they
+conclude Bargains of the Greatest Value.</p>
+
+<p>None of the Women think themselves
+completely Adorned till they have tinged
+the Lashes and the edges of their Eyelids
+with the powder of Lead-Ore. This they
+do by dipping a Bodkin of the thickness of
+a Quill into the Powder, and dragging it
+under the Eyelids. This gives their Eyes a
+Sooty colour, but is thought to add a Wonderful
+Grace to their Complexions. And
+was not this that which Jezebel did in the
+Ancient Time?<a name="FNanchor_C_3" id="FNanchor_C_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_C_3" class="fnanchor">[C]</a> The Old Custom of plighting
+their Troth by drinking out of each<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[247]</a></span>
+other's Hand is the only Ceremony used by
+the Algerines at their Marriages. The
+Bridegroom may put away his Wife whenever
+he pleases, upon the forfeiture of the
+Dowry he has settled upon her; but he
+cannot afterwards take her again until she
+has been Re-married and Divorced from
+another Man. After all, the Wives are
+only held as a better class of Servants, that
+when their Toil is over become Toys. The
+greater part of the Moorish Women would
+be esteemed Beauties even in England, and
+as Children they have the finest Complexions
+in the World; but at Thirty they become
+Wrinkled Old Women. For a Girl is often
+a Mother at Eleven, and a Grandmother at
+Twenty-two; and their Lives being generally
+as long as Europeans, these Matrons often
+live to see Children of many Generations.
+They are desperately Superstitious, and
+hang the Figure of an Open Hand round
+the Necks of their Children; and never an
+Algerine Pirate goes out of Port without
+such a Hand painted on the Stern, as a
+counter Charm to an Evil Eye. Truly there<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[248]</a></span>
+are some Christian Folks not much less
+foolish in their Superstitions; and Rich and
+Poor among the Neapolitans carry a forked
+bit of Coral about with them, to conjure
+away this same Evil Eye, which they call
+<i>Gettatura</i>.</p>
+
+<p>They have a kind of Monks called Marabutts,
+who are supposed to lead an Austere
+Life, and pass their lives in counting a
+Chaplet of Ninety-nine Beads; but who
+are, in truth, Impudent Beggars, Thieves,
+and Profligates. And this is pretty well the
+Character of the whole body of Algerines,
+from the Dey in his Palace to his Father
+who sells Sheep's Trotters. There are a
+few Grave People, in no constant Employ
+(that it is to say, they have made their
+fortunes by Murder and Piracy, and are
+now Retired), who spend the day, either in
+conversing with one another at the Barber's
+Shops, or at the Bazaars and Coffee-houses.
+But the greater part of the Moorish and
+Turkish Youth are the wildest of Gallants
+and Roysterers, and waste their time in the
+most unseemly Fandangoes.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[249]</a></span></p>
+
+<p><i>Item.</i>&mdash;These Marabutts are no better
+than the Mountebanks I have seen at the
+Carnival of Venice or at Southwark Fair.
+One Seedy Mustapha tells me that a neighbouring
+Marabutt had a solid Iron Bar,
+which, upon command, would give the same
+Report and do as much Mischief as a Piece
+of Cannon. At Seteef, too, there was one
+famous for Vomiting Fire; but the Renegado
+Baupwitz, who had seen him, assured
+me 'twas all a trick; that his Mouth did
+certainly seem to be all in a Blaze, while he
+counterfeited Violent Agony; but that on
+close inspection it appeared that the Flames
+and Smoke with which he was surrounded
+arose from Tow and Sulphur, which he had
+contrived to kindle under his Hyke. The
+most commendable thing I can find in the
+Algerine Character is the great respect they
+pay to their Dead. They don't cram 'em
+into stifling little Graveyards in the midst
+of crowded towns, as we do, to our injury
+and shame; but have large Burial-grounds,
+at a good distance from their towns and
+villages. Each Family has a particular<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[250]</a></span>
+Part, walled in like a garden, where the
+Bones of their Ancestors have remained
+undisturbed for many generations. The
+Graves are all distinct and separate, and the
+space between as planted with Beautiful
+Flowers, bordered round with Stone, or
+paved over with Tiles. The Graves of the
+Great People are likewise distinguished by
+Square Rooms with Cupolas built over
+them, which, being kept constantly clean,
+whitewashed, and beautified, nevertheless
+continue like the hypocrites, and are but
+Sepulchres full within of nothing but Dead
+Men's Bones.</p>
+
+<p>It happened one fine Autumnal Afternoon,
+that, my Services as Cymbal-Player
+not being required until the Dey's Supper
+after Evening Prayers, I was wandering for
+mere Amusement in some of the least-frequented
+Streets of the City; which are
+here, for the sake of Shade, mere narrow
+Lanes, without any Pavement but Dust, and
+without a Door or Window from twenty
+yards to twenty yards. In fact they are
+but Passages between almost dead walls;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[251]</a></span>
+the Houses themselves generally standing
+in the midst of the Gardens. Now I quitted
+the Street of Baba-zoun by the Street of
+the Shroffs, or Money-changers, designing
+to reach the Gate of the River; but the
+Streets are all so much alike that I lost my
+Way, and went blundering on from one
+Lane into another, till I almost despaired
+of finding my Road back again. I should
+be too late for the Dey's Supper, thought I;
+and although Jack Dangerous was never
+given to Trembling, I began to feel very
+uncomfortable concerning the Notice that
+Mahomet Bassa, who was never known to
+have Pity on any Human Being, Man,
+Woman, or Child, might take of my
+Absence. For these accursed Algerines are
+most cruel in their Punishments. Trials are
+very swift, and Sentence is always executed
+within half an hour afterwards. Small
+Offences are punished with the Bastinado,
+or the Rhinoceros Whip. For Clipping
+or Debasing the Public Coin the old
+Egyptian punishment of cutting off the
+Hands is inflicted, although the Dey, in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[252]</a></span>
+one of his Furies, has been known to have
+the Base Money melted and poured down
+the Coiner's Throat. If a Jew or a Christian
+is guilty of Murder, he is Burnt alive
+without the gates of the City; but for
+the same Crime the Moors and Arabs
+are either Impaled, hung up by the
+Neck over the Battlements of the City,
+or thrown upon Hooks fixed upon the
+Walls, below, where they sometimes
+hang in Dreadful Torments for Thirty and
+Forty hours together before they Expire.
+The Turks, however, out of respect for their
+Characters, are sent to the Aga's house,
+where they are either Bastinadoed or
+Strangled; and when the Women offend,
+they are not exposed to the populace, but
+are sent to a private House of Correction;
+or, if the Crime be Capital, they are sewn
+up in a Sack, carried out to Sea, and Drowned.
+And for especial Criminals is reserved the
+Extraordinary Barbarous punishment of
+Sawing Asunder; for which purpose they
+prepare two Boards, of the same length and
+breadth as the Unfortunate Person, and,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[253]</a></span>
+having tied him betwixt them, begin sawing
+at the Head, and so proceed till he is divided
+into Halves. 'Tis said that Kardinash, a
+person who was not long since Ambassador
+at the Court of England, suffered in this
+wise merely for maintaining, in the face of
+the Dey, that the King of Great Britain
+had only One Wife.</p>
+
+<p>All these Grim Probabilities did I revolve
+in my mind, as the Sun went on sinking,
+and I could meet nothing but a few Rapscallion
+Boys that, when I strove to stammer
+out a few words of Arabic to ask my Way,
+laughed and jeered in their Impudent manner,
+and flung handfuls of Dust at me. Just as
+I was losing all Patience, and determined to
+Knock at the first door I came to, and make
+my state known at all hazards, there came
+upon me at the corner of a street the Figure
+of a Woman, Muffled up, as 'tis their fashion,
+in her Hyke and Burnouse, so that I could
+only see her Eyes, which were smeared over
+with the usual Black Stuff, but which seemed
+to have somewhat of a Yellowish Cast. I
+started, as if she were a Ghost just risen<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[254]</a></span>
+from the ground; but indeed she had only
+just stepped out from a little Garden-door,
+that now stood Ajar. From the folds of
+her White Burnouse now came out a plump
+Hand, very Glossy, but very Black. She
+first laid her Finger on that part of her
+Hyke where her Mouth might be, to command
+me to silence; then touched me on
+the Arm; then pointed to a Latticed Window
+high up in the wall, to give me to
+understand that some one had been Watching
+me from there; and then beckoned me
+to Follow her. I was wofully perplexed,
+and, thought I, "The Dey will have no
+Cymbals to his Supper to-night, that's certain."
+Still, it is never to be said that J. D.
+ever shirked an adventure that promised
+aught of Love or Peril; and had it been
+into the jaws of a Lion, I must have followed
+the Negro Emissary. After all, I
+reasoned, I was a proper-looking Fellow,
+although no longer in my First Youth, and
+my hair beginning to whiten somewhat;
+but Love levels ranks, as my Lord Grizzle<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[255]</a></span>
+has it in Tom Thumb; and I was, perhaps,
+not the first Frank Slave who was favoured
+by a beauteous Moorish Lady. A Moorish
+Beauty! Why, this might be, after all, a
+Princess, a Sultana, a Turkish Khanum!
+It turned out, however, far differently from
+what I had expected. Following the Slave,
+we quitted the street and passed through a
+Porch, or Gateway, which the Negress carefully
+locked after her. We now entered
+upon a Court, with Benches on either side,
+and paved very handsomely with Marble,
+covered in the middle with a rich Turkey
+Mat, and sheltered from the heat of the
+weather by a kind of Veil, expanded by
+Ropes from one side of the Parapet-wall, or
+Lattice of the Flat Roof, to the other. So
+into a little Cloister running round this
+Court, and up a little winding stone Staircase
+into another Cloister or Upper Gallery.
+Then at a Door all covered with rich Filigree-work
+in Gold and Colours did the Negress
+knock; and by and by a soft silvery
+Voice, of which the sound, somehow, made<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[256]</a></span>
+me start and tremble much more than that
+of the Old Knight of Malta had done, said
+a few words in Arabic, and we went in.</p>
+
+<p>I found myself in a large square Apartment,
+with curious latticed Windows,
+through which the Evening Sunlight came,
+in the prettiest of patterns, and fell, like so
+many spangles disposed by an artful Embroiderer,
+upon the rich Carpet. A great
+Divan, or stuffed Bench of Crimson Damask,
+ran all round the room, with many
+soft pillows and shawls upon it; and on
+this Divan, upon the side opposite the door,
+sat an Eastern Lady, amazingly Dressed.
+She had laid aside her Hyke, which was of
+white silk gorgeously striped with gold and
+crimson Bars, and all dotted with Bullion
+Tassels, and sat in a tight-fitting jacket of
+Red Velvet, open in front, where you could
+see the Bosom of her Snowy Smock all blazing
+with Emeralds and Rubies. I had never
+seen so many of the latter kind of Jewels
+since the days of my Grandmother, in her
+Cabinet of Relics. Round her Waist was
+swathed a great Cashmerian Shawl, very<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[257]</a></span>
+rich and noble, and with a heavy Fringe;
+and from among the folds peeped out a little
+Poniard with a jewelled Hilt, and a knife
+with a Gold and Mother-of-pearl Haft to
+cut her Victuals. She wore loose Trowsers,
+or Drawers, of a very fine spun silk, covered
+with a raised pattern in gold thread, that, as
+is the custom of the Moorish Women, were
+fastened at the Knee, and then fell in quite
+a torrent of Drapery down to her Ankles,
+nearly covering her pretty Feet. A sweet
+Fashion, and very Modest. As to the Feet
+themselves,&mdash;the smallest, sure, that mortal
+woman ever had,&mdash;I could, rapid as was my
+survey, see that she wore no Hose; but her
+tiny Toes were thrust into Slippers or Papowshes
+of blue velvet, all heightened and
+enriched with Gold Orris and Seed Pearls.
+On her head was a dainty little cap, of the
+Fez Pattern, but of velvet instead of cloth,
+jewelled; and from it hung a monstrous
+Tassel of Gold, which reached half-way down
+the Back. As for her Hair, it hung very
+nearly down to the ground, being all collected
+into one Lock, and bound and plaited<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[258]</a></span>
+with Ribbons; and being thus adorned,
+were tied close together above the Lock,
+the several corners of a Kerchief, made of
+thin flexible plates of Gold, cut through, and
+engraved in imitation of Lace. In one hand
+she held a great Fan, of Peacock's Feathers,
+with a Mirror in the midst; and a handle of
+Gold, Emeralds, and Agate, that would have
+driven a Duke's-Place Jew crazy to look at;
+and in the other,&mdash;well, you know that Oriental
+Fashions are different from ours, and
+that the Paynim nations have the strangest
+of Manners and Customs,&mdash;I declare that in
+the other Hand&mdash;the dexter one&mdash;the Lady
+held the Tube of a Tobacco-pipe, the which
+she was smoking with great Deliberation
+and apparent Relish. But 'twas a very different
+Pipe to what we are in the habit of
+seeing in England&mdash;having a Bowl of fine
+Red Clay encrusted with Gems, a long
+straight tube of Cherry-wood, and a Mouthpiece
+of Amber studded with Precious Stones.
+This Pipe they call a Chibook, and they
+smoke it much as we do our common Clay
+things; but there's another, which they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[259]</a></span>
+call a Nargilly, like the Hubble-bubble
+smoked by the proud Planters in the Dutch
+East Indies. With the Nargilly, the Smoke
+passes first through Rose-water, to purify
+it; and after passing through many snake-like
+coils of silk and wire tubing, the Smoker
+gulps it down bodily; so that it goes into
+his Lungs, and must make them as sooty as
+a foul Chimney. Many of the Turks are so
+handy at this nasty trick, that they can
+make the Smoke they have swallowed come
+out of their ears, eyes, and nostrils; but I
+envy them not such Mountebankery, and
+when I smoke my Pipe, am content to
+Blow a Cloud in a moderate and Christian
+manner.</p>
+
+<p>I have kept you so long describing this
+Eastern Lady's Dress, that you must be
+growing impatient to know whether her
+Face matched in handsomeness with her
+Apparel; but there was the Deuce of it;
+for while I stood before her, staring and
+Wondering over her splendid Habiliments, I
+could catch ne'er a glimpse of her Countenance,
+which was entirely concealed from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[260]</a></span>
+view by the Veil they call a <i>Formah</i>, which
+is made of a very fine gauzy stuff, but
+painted in body-colour in a pattern so as to
+make it Opaque, and so artfully disposed as
+to hide the Face without shading any of the
+splendour of the Dress. And though I
+could not make out so much as the tip of
+the Lady's Nose, I had a queer sensation
+that she was looking at <i>me</i>, nay, even that
+her eyes were twinkling in a merry manner
+under her Veil. And so I remained Dumbfoundered,
+quite uncertain as to the kind of
+Adventure that had befallen me. Had
+some Moorish or Turkish Dame designed
+only to Divert herself at the expense of a
+poor Christian Slave? or was the Veiled
+Lady only some artful Adventuress of the
+Jewish, Armenian, or Cophtic Nation, of
+whom there were many here, affecting
+great magnificence in their Habits and
+Living?</p>
+
+<p>Full Ten Minutes had the Lady so gazed
+upon me, I staring stupidly at her, and the
+Negress continuing to enjoin me to silence
+by putting her finger to her Lips. Then<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[261]</a></span>
+clapping her little hands together (I mean
+that the Lady did, for the Black Woman's
+were sad Paws), in tumbles from a little
+door at the side of the Divan a Negro
+Urchin about eight years of age, very richly
+clad, who at her command brings Pipes and
+Coffee; and, signs being made to me, I sat
+down on a couple of Pillows on the Ground,
+smoked a Chibook, emptied a Cup, not
+much bigger than an egg-shell, of Coffee,&mdash;very
+Bitter and Nauseous here, for they
+give you the Dregs as well as the Liquor,&mdash;all
+the while staring at the Lady as though
+my Eyeballs would have started out of my
+Head. And by this time the Sun had quite
+gone down, and as there is but little Twilight
+in these parts, the Shade of Evening
+fell like a great black Pall over the Room;
+so the little Black Urchin came tumbling in
+again with a couple of Lamps, which he set
+down before the Divan. These cast a very
+soft and rosy Light, passing through folds
+of Pink Silk; and as soon as my eyes grew
+accustomed to 'em, I could see that the
+Lady had raised her Veil, that she was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[262]</a></span>
+looking upon me with a pair of Dark,
+Roguish, Twinkling Orbs, and that I was
+sitting in the presence of my kind Protectress,
+Lilias.</p>
+
+<p>"What think you of this for an Opera
+Habit, goodman Cerberus?" cried she. "Is
+this not much better than the Ballet of
+Orpheus? And, goodness! what strange
+Accoutrement have you, too, got into?"</p>
+
+<p>When my first ecstasies of Joy and
+Amazement were over, I explained to my
+Dear Patroness the Reasons (none of my
+own choosing) for appearing in such a Garb
+as I then wore; telling her how I had been
+Galley-Slave, and was now Cymbal Player,
+to the Unbelieving Dey of Algiers; and
+with great Humility did I ask after her
+Honoured Parent, and seek to know by
+what uncommon Accident she, the erst
+Ballet Dancer in the King's Opera-House
+at Paris, had come to be the tenant of this
+Outlandish House, and arrayed in this
+Heathen Habit. She answered me with
+that Candour and Simplicity which I ever
+found characteristic of her. Old Mr. Lovell<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[263]</a></span>
+was still alive, and in Paris; and this is
+how his Daughter had become separated
+from him. A very brilliant Engagement, as
+First Dancer, indeed, had been offered to
+her at the King's Theatre at Palermo; and,
+after long unsuccessful importunities addressed
+to the Gentlemen of the French
+King's Chamber to cancel her Engagement,
+these instances, owing to the untiring influence
+of Cardinal de &mdash;&mdash;, had succeeded,
+and she was allowed to depart. Full willingly
+would she have taken her Papa with
+her as a Travelling Companion; but the
+Old Gentleman was now very Infirm, and
+averse from Moving; and so Lilias was
+placed under the Guardianship of an old
+Spanish Lady, the Se&ntilde;ora Satisfacion de
+Mismar, who was the Palermo Manager's
+Aunt, made his engagements for him
+abroad, and played the Duenna or Singing
+Old Woman in his Comedies and Operas at
+home. Nothing could be properer than
+this arrangement, Donna Satisfacion being
+a Personage of exceeding Discretion and
+Propriety of Behaviour; so the two, with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[264]</a></span>
+half a dozen more little Dancing-girls that
+had been hired to fill inferior places, started
+for Bordeaux, whence they designed to take
+shipping for Palermo. But by ill luck there
+was no Packet or Merchant Vessel bound
+for Sicily to be taken up for a long time;
+and so they were fain to travel to Toulon,
+avoiding Marseilles, where the Plague then
+was very bad, and thence by way of Nizza
+to Genoa, where they found a Brig bound
+for Messina, which they thought would serve
+their turn. And, in truth, the poor souls
+found it but too well served; for the Brig
+was captured off Bastia in Corsica by one
+of these diabolical Barbary Rovers, all on
+board made Slaves, and carried, not into
+Algiers, but into Sallee. There, after much
+suffering, poor Donna Satisfacion de Mismar
+died of a Distemper of the country, and poor
+Lilias was left without any other Protector
+than her own Virtue and a kind Providence.</p>
+
+<p>'Twas a terrible condition to be left in:
+Young, Fair, Friendless, and a Slave among
+these Moorish Barbarians. By Heaven's
+Mercy, however, the dear Girl came to no<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[265]</a></span>
+Harm. 'Tis the custom, before the Christian
+Women-captives are exposed for sale in the
+public Slave-Market, where they are Handled
+and put through their paces as though they
+were so many Cattle, for a Private Inspection
+of 'em to be made by the rich Persons
+of the place, who come and take Pipes and
+Coffee with the Merchant, glance over his
+Stock in a respectful Manner, and often
+strike a Bargain there and then. The Girls
+for sale are apparelled in a sumptuous
+manner, bathed, perfumed, and trinketed
+out for their Private View; and their Captors
+seek to render 'em docile by giving 'em
+plenty of Sweetmeats. As if the intolerable
+pangs of Slavery were to be allayed by
+Lollipops! It chanced that among the
+visitors to the Merchant's House was one
+Hamet Abdoollah, a very Learned Man, a
+Physician by Trade, and equally trusted by
+the Bey of Tunis, the Dey of Algiers, and
+him who reigned at Tripoli; but who would
+not devote himself to the service of any of
+these Potentates, but, loving an independent
+life, served all with equal fidelity, sometimes<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[266]</a></span>
+even travelling so far as the Capital of
+Morocco, where he was in high favour with
+the Savage who calls himself Emperor of
+that country, which would be as piratical as
+the Barbary States, only it has less Seaboard.
+The father of this Physician had
+been quite as learned a Man as he, and by
+the name of Muley Abdoollah had travelled
+much in Western Europe, where by his
+Skill and Erudition he had gained so much
+consideration among the Polite as to be
+elected a Correspondent Member of the
+Royal Society of England and the Paris
+Academy of Sciences. His son was one of
+the wisest and justest and most merciful of
+his Species, as you will presently have cause
+to admit. He was struck at once by the
+Beauty, Intelligence, and Goodness of Lilias,
+and his humane heart recoiled at the thought
+of what her fate might have been among a
+people given up to Cruelty and Lust. He
+forthwith bought her of the Merchant at a
+fair price; for although that crafty and rapacious
+Slave-Dealer would have made him pay
+Through the Nose for his Treasure, knowing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[267]</a></span>
+the Physician to be a man of great Wealth,
+he forbore in very shame from his extortion;
+for Hamet Abdoollah had but just saved his
+little son out of a Fever, after he had been
+given up by all the Ignorant Leeches of
+Sallee.</p>
+
+<p>So Lilias became the Bond-servant, but
+only so in name, to this Wise and Good
+Man. As her dearest wish was now to
+rejoin her Father, he undertook to send her
+back to France, and with that view did
+remove with his precious charge to Algiers,
+only exacting from her a promise that while
+she remained under his protection she would
+wear the Moorish Habit and pass as his
+Wife, so as to avoid Insult when she walked
+abroad. But of any thoughts of Love and
+Intrigue the Good Man was entirely free.
+He was wrapped up in the study of the
+Healing Art, and troubled his head much
+more about Drugs, Cataplasms, and Electuaries,
+than about the Bow and Arrows of
+Dan Cupid. Though why the God of Love
+should have been christened Daniel, it
+puzzles me to comprehend. This accounts<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[268]</a></span>
+for the manner in which I had found my
+dear Protectress caparisoned in every respect
+as a Moorish Dame. She told me that this
+was by no means the first time she had
+seen me, and that my being Cymbal-Player
+in the Dey's Musicians was very well known
+to her, and that her kind Guardian was on
+the point of petitioning the Dey to release
+me from Servitude, when by accident she
+espied me from the Window, and could not
+resist the temptation of having me called in.</p>
+
+<p>But, in her sweet regard for what was due
+to Modesty and Decorum, she would have
+no Parley with me save in the presence of
+the Black slave,&mdash;'tis true that she did not
+understand a word of English&mdash;and directly
+she had come to an end of her Narrative,
+she sent the Tumbling Urchin to inquire
+whether the Physician had come home, the
+part of the House she occupied being quite
+separate and distinct from his. The smutty
+little Imp comes back bringing word that
+Hamet would wait upon her presently; and
+anon, after discreetly tapping at the door,
+he came in, a grave, Reverend Man, in a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[269]</a></span>
+flowing Robe of Sad-coloured Taffety, and
+with a long White Beard and Green Turban;
+for he had made the Mecca Pilgrimage, and
+yet abstained from assuming the title of
+Hadji, to which he was entitled. He spoke
+very good French, and even a little English
+(learned from his Papa); and when I was
+made known to him, asked for news of Dr.
+Mead and Sir Hans Sloane, although I could
+tell him but little of that worthy and
+deceased Gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>"Happy is the Wooing that is not long
+a Doing," they say; and, by this time, you
+will probably have discovered that I Loved
+Lilias Lovell very dearly. 'Twas no Ramping,
+Rantipoling, Fiery-Furnace kind of
+Calf Love on my part, but a matured <ins title="Transcriber's Note: the 'd' in this word originally printed upside down">and</ins>
+sensible admixture of Gratitude and Sincere
+Affection. I scorn to conceal that although
+I knew myself to be by Lineage worthy the
+hand of a Gentleman's Daughter,<a name="FNanchor_D_4" id="FNanchor_D_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_D_4" class="fnanchor">[D]</a> I was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[270]</a></span>
+aware that, by the Meanness of the condition
+under which I was first known to the
+Lovell Family, a Gulf yawned between their
+Estate and mine; and that, warm and
+devoted as was my Love for the Pretty
+Little Creature I had saved from the
+Flames, I could but deem that she reckoned
+the Humane Dog Cerberus of the Opera
+Ballet as of no greater account than a real
+Doggish Mastiff. But, to my extreme
+Amazement and Felicity, this was not
+so. I was beloved by this amiable Young
+Person, to whom Ambassadors were proud
+to go on their knees, and whom Gentlemen
+of the Chamber would have covered with
+Diamonds. With a charming frankness,
+blushing and stammering, yet with Virginal
+Pride, she confessed that she was enamoured
+of me, and, if Fortune were propitious,
+would gladly be my Wife. I could at first
+scarcely realize the possibility of such great<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[271]</a></span>
+and unmerited Happiness; for well did I
+know the disparity in Age that existed
+between us&mdash;how Rough and Weather-beaten
+was I; and she, how Tender,
+Delicate, and Good! "But does not the
+Ivy twine round the Oak?" quoth the Physician,
+as he smote me cheerfully on the
+Shoulder. And behold, now, gnarled and
+battered old Jack Dangerous, with this delicious
+little Parasite creeping toward and
+Nestling Round him.</p>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[272]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST.</h2>
+
+<h3>OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW;
+OF MY ADVENTURES IN RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES;
+AND OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND
+BUYING MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW
+MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE.</h3>
+
+
+<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">'Twas</span> the advice of the Good Physician,
+that, to prevent Accidents, we should be
+Married without delay; for in these hot
+countries you are here to-day and gone to-morrow,
+and no one can tell what may
+happen. Difficulties almost insurmountable,
+'tis true, seemed to stand in the way of our
+Union; but Hamet Abdoollah was able to
+act almost a Magician's part to bring about
+our Happiness. I was for the time being
+bestowed in his House, and the next morning
+the Physician hies him to the Dey, who<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[273]</a></span>
+was in a Fury about me, and was threatening
+all kinds of Bowstrings and Bastinadoes.
+But his Highness happening likewise to be
+suffering from Toothache, and as a Man
+with a Raging Tooth would give all the
+Treasures of Potosi to be quit of his Agony,
+the Physician promised to Relieve him forthwith
+if he would grant his Suit. The Dey
+promised him any thing he could wish for,
+and so Hamet Abdoollah cures him with a
+little Phial full of nothing but Tar Balsam.
+'Tis but just to the Mussulmans to say, that
+when they have once given their Word of
+Honour, they keep it with Extreme Rigour;
+so that when the Physician begged pardon
+for me, and License to purchase me out of
+the Dey's service and take me into his own,
+the Suit was very cheerfully granted. Joyfully
+Hamet Abdoollah repairs to us again,
+with a Firman under the Dey's own Signet
+granting me my Liberty; and that very
+forenoon my silver Collar, Anklets, and
+Manacles were stricken off,&mdash;the Physician
+returning them to the Dey's Treasury,&mdash;and
+I was no longer a Slave.</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[274]</a></span>
+
+Although there is no Man alive who mislikes
+Popery and its Superstitious Practices
+more than does J. D., there is one order of
+Nuns and one of Monks for whose members
+I entertain a profound Love and Reverence.
+Of She-Religious, I mean those Blessed
+Sisters of Charity who go about the World
+doing good, braving Sickness, succouring
+Misery, assuaging Hunger, drying up Tears,
+and smiling in the Face of Death: God
+bless those Holy Women, say I, wheresoever
+they are to be found! and in our own Protestant
+country of England, why should we
+not have similar Sisterhoods of Women of
+Mercy, or Deaconesses, bound by no rigid
+vows, and suffering no ridiculous Penances
+of Stripes and Macerations, but obeying
+only the call of Religious Charity, and going
+Quietly and Trustfully about their Master's
+Business? Of He-Monks, I mean the
+Fathers of the Work of Redemption, or
+Redemptorists, whose sole business it is to
+travel about Begging and Praying of the
+Rich for money to Ransom poor Christian
+bodies out of Slavery; which is a better<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[275]</a></span>
+work, I think, than praying for the deliverance
+of their Souls out of Purgatory.
+These Redemptorist Fathers have a permanent
+Station and Correspondence at all
+the Piratical Ports of the Barbary Coast;
+and at stated times, when they have gathered
+enough Money to redeem a certain number
+of Christians, a body of the Fraternity visit
+the Station, take away their Sanctified Merchandise,
+and by their Humble and Devout
+Carriage, and exemplary Poverty of Life,
+extort admiration even from the Bloodthirsty
+Heathens.</p>
+
+<p>Now at Algiers, about this time, there
+was suffered to dwell an old Religious of
+this Order, Le P&egrave;re Lefanu,&mdash;who for his
+Virtues and Piety was esteemed even by the
+Mussulman Ulemas, and was thought a good
+deal more of than any of their Marabutts
+or Santons, which is a name they give to a
+kind of wandering Idiots, who, the Crazier
+they are, are thought the more deserving of
+Superstitious Veneration. P&egrave;re Lefanu was
+nearly ninety years of age, and had dwelt
+among these Barbarians for full sixty years<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[276]</a></span>
+of his Life, passing his time in Meditation,
+Prayer, and the Visitation of the Sick and
+Needy, both among the Unbelievers and the
+Christian Slaves, and at the same time transacting
+all necessary business with the Dey's
+Head-men for periodically redeeming those
+that were in Bondage. Our good Physician
+had a profound esteem for this Reverend
+Person, and often visited him; and now it
+was through his Ministry that Lilias and I
+were to be made One. I had forgotten to
+say, that my departed Saint was of the Communion
+opposite to mine; but in a land of
+Pagans 'tis as well to forget all differences
+between Papists and Protestants, and to remember
+only that we are Christians. P&egrave;re
+Lefanu had been ordained a Secular Priest
+before he had become a Regular Monk, and,
+he told me that if I had any Conscientious
+Scruples as to the Husband being a Protestant
+and the Wife of another way of
+Thinking, I could have the marriage done
+over again in whatever way I thought proper
+on our return to Europe. But I was in far
+too great a Hurry to be Married to look too<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[277]</a></span>
+narrowly which way the Cat jumped; and
+a Romish Wedding is surely better than
+jumping over a Broomstick, which, unless
+we had adopted the uncouth Moresque
+custom, would have been all the Ceremony
+of Matrimony we could have had. So P&egrave;re
+Lefanu came privately, to avoid Gossip, to
+the Physician's House, and Lilias Lovell
+and John Dangerous were made One in the
+French Language, the contracting parties
+being English, the Bridegroom's best man
+a tawny Mahometan Moor, and the only
+Bridesmaid a Black Negress.</p>
+
+<p>Our Honeymoon (we continuing to dwell
+in the House of the good Hamet Abdoollah)
+was one of unmixed Joy and Gladness; but
+'twas too complete to last long, and soon
+came a black Storm to lash into fury the
+calm surface of our Life's Lake. Seized
+with a Malignant Distemper, and after but
+three days' Sickness, the good Hamet Abdoollah
+died. His Pillow was smoothed by
+our reverent hands, and with his dying
+breath he blessed us. I know not if there
+be any Saints in the Mussulman Church;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[278]</a></span>
+but if ever a man deserved Canonization
+from whatsoever Communion he belonged
+to, I am sure it was Hamet Abdoollah, the
+Moorish Physician.</p>
+
+<p>His Skill in Medicine had brought him
+great Wealth, of which, although he was
+always distributing Alms to the Poor, he
+left a considerable Portion behind him. In
+his last moments he sent for the Cadi and
+Ulema of his Quarter, for his will to be
+made, or at least to assure them by word of
+mouth of his Testamentary Intentions, which
+among this People would have been as religiously
+carried out as though he had written
+them. But, alas! when the Cadi and
+Ulema arrived, he was speechless, and died
+without word or sign of his Wishes.</p>
+
+<p>His Relations came forthwith to administer
+to his Effects, and (if truth be not
+unpalatable to English Heirs, that often do
+the same thing) to fight and squabble over
+the administration thereof. A pretty Noise
+and Riot they made: now weeping and
+howling over the Corse; now bursting open
+Trunks, wrenching Trinkets from each other,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[279]</a></span>
+striving to convey away Garments and Furniture,
+and even tearing down the hangings
+of Rich Stuff. Only the Harem, where my
+one True Wife was, remained inviolate from
+these Harpies; but me they overwhelmed
+with the most injurious Invectives and accosted
+by the foulest epithets, calling me
+Infidel, Pig, Giaour Dog, Frankish Thief,
+and the like, telling me that I had fattened
+long enough on the Substance of a True
+Believer, with the like opprobrious speeches.
+I let them have their way, only giving
+them to understand that the first Man who
+should attempt to cross the Threshold of
+my Harem, it were better for him that he
+never had been Born.</p>
+
+<p>Soon, however, came a greater Heir at
+Law than any of these, to take possession of
+the Dead Man's heritage. The news of Hamet
+Abdoollah's decease had come to the ears of
+the Dey; and straightway he sends down a
+strong guard of <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'Coglololies'">Coglolies</ins> to Seize all in
+his Name, specially enjoining the Bullock
+Bashee in command to put the big Christian
+Slave (meaning myself) in Fetters, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[280]</a></span>
+equally secure, although with lighter bonds,
+the fair Frankish Woman, meaning my dear
+Wife Lilias. All this was no sooner said
+than done. The Rough Soldiers burst into
+the House, and, to prevent any misunderstanding
+about me, a Cloth (for which I
+was quite unprepared) was thrown over my
+head from Behind; and while I was yet
+struggling to free myself from this blinding
+Incumbrance, the Gyves were passed over
+my Wrists and Ankles. And then they removed
+the Cloth, and, laden with heavy
+Chains, I had to behold in Despair their
+Invading the Sanctity of my Harem, and
+tearing therefrom my Lilias. In vain did I
+Shout, Threaten, Grind my Teeth, Implore,
+Promise, and strive to Tear my Hair. They
+only Laughed; and one Brutish Coglolie
+made as though to strike me with the flat
+of his Sabre, when I out with my foot, all
+fettered as it was, and gave the Ruffian a
+blow on the Jaw, the which, by the momentum
+given by the Iron, I thought had
+stove it in. This much infuriated his Savage
+Companions; and I doubt not but they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[281]</a></span>
+would have finished me, but the Bullock
+Bashee, who had orders to the contrary,
+constrained them to stay their hand.</p>
+
+<p>What became of my dear Lilias, I was
+not allowed to know. She was borne away,
+shrieking and calling on me, with Streaming
+Eyes, for help; and I saw her no more.
+Myself they dragged downstairs; and when
+we were come into the street, flung me, fettered
+as I was, over the back of an Artillery
+Horse, where I lay, face downwards, and in
+a kind of stupor, as listless as a Miller's
+Sack; and so, my Gyves jingling and clattering,
+I was conveyed away.</p>
+
+<p>The cruel and remorseless Dey of Algiers
+I saw no more. Some spark of shame there
+might perchance be in the Ruffian's Breast
+that forbade him to gaze upon the man he
+had pardoned and enfranchised, and had
+now traitorously Kidnapped. I suppose
+that in the Thieves' philosophy of this Fellow
+he reasoned that, if promises are to be
+kept to Live Men, there is no need to keep
+them unto Dead ones; that he was released
+from all his obligations by the demise of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[282]</a></span>
+Hamet Abdoollah; and that, as the Physician
+could not cure him of the Toothache
+again, if he chanced to get it, 'twas idle to
+continue bestowing Favours where no Benefits
+could be derived.</p>
+
+<p>Into a wretched Dungeon of the Arsenal
+was poor J. Dangerous thrust, with naught
+for victuals but Musty Beans and Stinking
+Water. When I had been here, groaning
+and gnashing my teeth, for seven days,&mdash;which
+seemed to me thrice seven years,&mdash;a
+Rascally Fellow that I knew to be a Scribe
+belonging to the Divan of the Dey comes
+into my Dungeon to tell me that the Packet-ship
+has come in from Marseilles, and that
+in answer to my letter to Monsieur Foscue,
+that Merchant sends word that he knows
+nothing at all about me; to which the
+Rascally Scribe adds, in the Lingua Franca,
+that I was no doubt an Impostor who had
+trumped up a convenient Fable of my being
+a Gentleman, and having Correspondents
+who would be Answerable for my Ransom
+in Europe, in order to get better food and
+treatment until the real truth could be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[283]</a></span>
+known. Whereupon he tells me that his
+Highness the Dey had not yet quite made
+up his mind as to whether he shall have me
+Impaled, or merely Flayed Alive, and so
+slams the door in my Face.</p>
+
+<p>In this Horrible Dungeon did I continue
+for seven days more, mostly grovelling on
+the ground, my face downwards, and praying
+for Deliverance or Death. I had a mind
+to dash my Brains out against the slimy
+walls of the Cell, but was only stayed by
+the thought of my Lilias. 'Twas always
+night in the abominable Hole, which was
+lighted only by a hole in the roof, about
+four inches square, and which gave not into
+the open air, but into a Corridor above.
+But on the fifteenth night of my Captivity,
+for I judged it so by the utter darkness, the
+door of the Dungeon opened, and the Blessed
+Old Man that was a Redemptorist Father
+appeared, bearing a Lantern.</p>
+
+<p>"You have that about you, my son,"
+says he, "which should be a sign that you
+are a trusted Agent of Holy Mother Church.
+Can you show it?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[284]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>I pointed with one of my fettered hands
+to my Breast, and made signs for him to
+search for that he was in quest of. The
+which he did, and after reverently kissing
+the Parchment I had between the Glasses,
+restored it to me.</p>
+
+<p>"You have been most basely entreated,"
+he continued. "Monsieur Foscue sent
+ample funds for your Ransom, and his Eminence
+is most anxious for your safety; but
+the cruel Moorish Prince who governs this
+unhappy city, after taking the money,
+feigned that you had made your Escape
+from the Arsenal, designing to keep you
+here in Chains and Hunger until you should
+Perish."</p>
+
+<p>He paused for a moment, for his Great
+Age made him very feeble, and then continued:</p>
+
+<p>"I can deliver you from this Abode of
+Misery; but it is not in my power, my son,
+to give you entire Deliverance. Would
+that I could! You have but to follow me
+to the Quayside, where you will find a boat
+to convey you on board a Turkish Mer<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[285]</a></span>chant-ship,
+that to-morrow morning weighs
+anchor for Constantinople. You will still
+be a Slave to the Captain, but to your own
+ingenuity I leave it to obtain complete
+Freedom."</p>
+
+<p>"And my Wife&mdash;my dear, dear Lilias?"
+I asked.</p>
+
+<p>The Ancient Man shook his head.</p>
+
+<p>"I can do nothing to bring you together
+again. She cannot follow you to Stamboul;
+but by Perseverance, and in Time, you may
+be restored to her."</p>
+
+<p>"Time!" I cried out in bitter desperation.
+"Time! O Father! I am growing
+an old man. She is the stay and prop of
+my Life; she is the one ray of sunshine cast
+on a Black and Wicked Career! And she
+is taken from me by these Butchers! and I
+am to see her no more? What care I for
+Hunger and Chains, and a Dungeon-floor
+for a Pallet? They have been familiar to
+me from my earliest youth. If I am not
+to have my Lilias's sweet companionship
+again, I will remain here, in this Hole, and
+die like a Dog, as I am."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[286]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>"Take comfort, my son," said the Redemptorist
+Monk. "Time and Perseverance
+may, I repeat, enable you to attain
+your heart's desire. Meanwhile, console
+yourself with the assurance that the Fair
+and Good Woman, who is your Wife, is out
+of peril from lawless men. By the same
+Packet-ship that brought the Letters from
+Monsieur Foscue came a Sum sufficient
+Doubly to Ransom the Young Woman.
+The benignant protection of his Eminence
+has been extended to her, and she will in
+a few days return to France, and to her
+Father."</p>
+
+<p>"But can I not see her?&mdash;cannot I touch
+her Hand?&mdash;can I not press her Lip?&mdash;for
+one brief moment, and for the last time?"</p>
+
+<p>"It is impossible," answered the Monk.
+"She is watched, both by Day and Night,
+by zealous agents of the Dey, and I have
+no means of access to her. 'Twould be
+death both to you and to myself were I
+to seek to bring about a meeting between
+you. Even now the precious moments are
+wasting away. In another hour the Guard<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[287]</a></span>
+will be changed, and your Escape impossible."</p>
+
+<p>"And how is it possible now?" I asked.
+"And will no one come to Hurt through
+my evasion?"</p>
+
+<p>"It <i>is</i> possible," he repeated. "You have
+to walk but from hence to the Outer Gate
+and the Quayside. Immediately you have
+departed, the Body of a poor Christian
+Slave, of your age and stature, who died
+this morning at the Arsenal, will be conveyed
+here, and garnished with your Chains. The
+Dey will be told that you have died in
+Prison. He loves not to look upon the faces
+of those he has murdered, and will take the
+word of the Aga, who is in our pay. Come!
+there is not an instant to be lost. Here is
+the key to your Fetters. Unlock them,
+and follow me."</p>
+
+<p>With a heart that was now elated with
+the prospect of Deliverance, and now sunk
+at the thought that I was still to be separated
+from my Lilias, I did as the good
+Redemptorist bade me, and, casting my accursed
+Shackles from me in a heap, limped<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[288]</a></span>
+slowly forth&mdash;for the Iron had wofully
+galled me. Outside the Dungeon-door
+stood a couple of Coglolies, with their
+Turban-cloths let down over their faces to
+serve as Masks, who swiftly unlocked what
+Doors remained between us and the Sea
+Rampart. The Monk pressed my Hand,
+gave me his Blessing, bidding me hope for
+Better Times, and disappeared. Guided by
+the Coglolies, and, indeed, half supported
+by them, I was put into a Boat waiting at
+the Quayside, as the Monk had told me, and
+ten minutes' hard pulling brought us alongside
+a large craft, on board which, I being
+so weak, they were fain to hoist me with
+Ropes. By this time I had sunk into a
+kind of Lethargy, and, being conveyed
+below and put into a cot in the Master's
+Cabin, fell into a slumber, which lasted for
+very many hours.</p>
+
+<p>The Captain of this ship was an English
+Renegado, named Sparkenhoe. He had
+served as Midshipman and Master's Mate in
+a King's ship; but having been, as he conceived,
+unjustly Broken for hot words that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[289]</a></span>
+passed between him and the Captain,&mdash;this
+took place at Gibraltar,&mdash;had deserted, and
+hid himself on board a Merchant Brig bound
+for Tangier. At last, being fond of a
+Roving Life (and having the misfortune to
+kill the Captain of the Merchant Brig in a
+dispute concerning some Bullocks they were
+shipping), he had turned Mussulman; and
+after living some time among the Buccaneers
+of the Riff, had come to Algiers, and been
+made Captain of a Merchantman trading to
+the Dardanelles, and doing a bit of Piracy
+when opportunity served. 'Twas full five-and-twenty
+years since he had Run from
+the King of Great Britain's service; and
+although his Blue Eyes and enormous Red
+Whiskers still gave him somewhat of a
+Saxon appearance, he had very nearly forgotten
+his Mother Tongue, and only retained
+English enough to enable him to mingle a
+few Billingsgate Oaths with his barbarous
+Levantine Lingo.</p>
+
+<p>This fellow, whom I heartily despised, for
+he had kept all the Vices of his former
+Religion, and had acquired none of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[290]</a></span>
+Virtues of his new one, was civil enough to
+me, and informed me that all he could do
+for me, in return for the Bribe he had received
+from his Employers, would be to
+deliver me to a Slave Merchant at Constantinople,
+who would place me out in Domestic
+Service where I should not be ill-treated.
+But he very strongly advised me to turn
+Turk or Renegado, as he himself was, saying,
+that in such a case he would land me
+perfectly free at the Porte, where I should
+doubtless find some profitable Employment.
+This I scornfully refused; whereupon he
+shrugged his Shoulders, and said that I was
+a Fool, but might possibly think Better of
+it in Time.</p>
+
+<p>After three weeks' coasting among the
+Isles of the Grecian Archipelago, and so
+into the Sea of Marmora, we steered into the
+Dardanelles 'twixt the Castles of Europe and
+Asia; and the same night the Slave-Dealer
+comes off in a private Caique&mdash;as the Turks
+call their Canoes,&mdash;and the Renegado delivered
+me up to him. I was taken to his
+House at Galata, where I was kept very<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[291]</a></span>
+close for two or three weeks, and was then
+sold to a Merchant of Damascus in Asia,
+that had come to Constantinople with the
+Autumn Caravans, to dispose of his cargo of
+Silk and Attar of Roses&mdash;a very fine and
+subtle Perfume, one drop of which is sufficient
+to scent an entire House.</p>
+
+<hr style='width: 45%;' />
+
+<p>'Twas in the autumn of the year 1759
+that I so came to Damascus, and for ten
+years did I remain in that city,&mdash;all the
+time without hearing one word from my
+dear Wife. Had I been in the Capital, where
+Foreign Ambassadors reside, I could not, as
+a Christian, be detained in Slavery; that
+being guarded against by Treaties between
+the Crown of Great Britain and the Sublime
+Porte. But in this remote part of the
+Empire, these and many other worse enormities
+were possible; and I remained as one
+Dead and Buried. To a few English and
+French Travellers passing through Damascus
+did I tell my piteous Tale, and entreat their
+help; but the account that I gave of myself
+was so rambling and confused, and con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[292]</a></span>tained,
+I could but confess it, many Incredible
+Particulars, that I could plainly see
+no one believed my Tale, or accounted me
+as aught but a half-mad Fellow that had
+run away for some misdeed from a Ship in
+port on the Coast of Syria, and was now
+trying to cadge Sympathy for a Pretended
+Grievance. At last I gave up complaining.
+Slowly, but surely, my memory of my
+former life began to Decay, and even the
+knowledge of mine own Language faded
+away, and became weaker and weaker every
+day. I dressed, I ate, I drank, I slept in
+the Eastern Fashion, and in all but religion
+I was a Turk.</p>
+
+<p>Meanwhile I had gained in the favour of
+my Master. He was about mine own age
+when he purchased me, and we grew old
+Together. At first I was employed as a
+mere Menial, in carrying of Bales and
+Packages, and tending of Camels; but by
+degrees I was promoted to be his Warehouseman,
+Clerk, Cashkeeper, and at last
+his Partner. In that capacity he sent me
+to manage a large silk-plantation of his in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[293]</a></span>
+the Lebanon; and after two years of that
+work I left him with a fortune of no less
+than five hundred Purses of Gold (about
+20,000<i>l.</i> of our Money), to set up on my
+own account in the City of Broussa. He
+made no attempt (nor had he at any time
+done so) to combat my Religious Scruples,
+but counselled me to behave in all things
+outwardly as a Turk; and if anything was
+said of my being in countenance a Frank
+(though I was swarthy enough from my
+Long Journeyings), to account for it by
+saying that I was an Affghan born, out of
+India. He died very soon after I settled at
+Broussa, and the secret of my being a
+Christian died with him. It is true that,
+for mere Policy's sake, I did go through the
+Mummeries of outward Mahometans, and
+had my Rosary and my Prayer-carpet like
+other Merchants of Broussa; but I scornfully
+deny that I was initiated, or submitted
+to, any Heathenish Rites; and I am ready
+to maintain now, Cut, Thrust, or Backsword,
+that I was then as stanch and leal a Protestant
+as I am now.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[294]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Under the name of Gholab Hassan, of
+Affghanistan, and a True Believer, I prospered
+exceedingly, almost entirely forgetting
+my own country. 'Tis true I always preserved
+an affectionate remembrance of my
+dear Wife Lilias; but she seemed to me in
+the guise of some Departed Angel, whom I
+had been privileged to behold but for a
+Short and Transient Period. Among these
+Pagans, as is well known, Polygamy is
+permitted; but that is neither here nor
+there; and I was now an Old, Old Man.</p>
+
+<p>'Tis ten years since, namely, <span class="smcap">a.d.</span> 1770,
+that a great Insurrection against the Authority
+of the Porte, or rather of the Bashaw
+of the Province, who had been laying on the
+Taxes with somewhat too heavy a hand,
+broke out in Broussa. The infuriate Populace
+burnt the House of the Bashaw about
+his ears, plundered the Bazaar, and were
+proceeding to further extremities, when, a
+puff of my old Martial Spirit reviving within
+me, I collected a trusted band of Porters
+and Camel-drivers, rallied the Turkish
+Troops, who were flying in all directions,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[295]</a></span>
+reformed them, scattered the Insurgent
+Mobile, and did (I promise you) speedy
+execution on some Scores of them. The
+Insurrection was very speedily subdued,
+and all Broussa was filled with the praises
+of my Valour and Discretion. The Bashaw
+was a poor Good-natured kind of Creature,
+Brave enough, but so Fat that when he
+mounted on Horseback they were obliged to
+put one of the Pillows of his Divan on the
+pummel of his saddle to keep his Stomach
+steady. An end, however, was put to the
+discomfort he suffered through Corpulence,
+by the arrival, three weeks after the suppression
+of the Insurrection, of a Tartar
+Courier, who brought with him a Bowstring
+and a Firman from the Grand Seignor. By
+means of the Bowstring, the Fat Bashaw
+was then and there strangled,&mdash;for they do
+things in a very off-hand manner in Turkey,&mdash;and
+when the Firman was opened by his
+Vizier it was found to contain, not his own
+nomination to the Bashawlik, which he
+fondly expected, but the appointment of the
+Merchant Gholab Hassan, that is to say,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[296]</a></span>
+<span class="smcap">John Dangerous</span>, that is to say, your
+Humble Servant, to the vacant Post, and
+commanding my immediate attendance at
+the Porte to receive investiture with the
+Three Horse-tails of Office.</p>
+
+<p>I was at once saluted as Gholab Bashaw,
+and the next day set forth amidst great
+Acclamations, and in sumptuous state, for
+Constantinople. Arrived there, I was handsomely
+lodged in a Palace close to the Old
+Seraglio, and admitted to no less than three
+solemn Audiences with the Commander of
+the Faithful, the Caliph Al Islam, the
+Padishaw of Roum, the Great Turk himself.</p>
+
+<p>I could not help smiling at myself, now
+arrayed in all the pomp and glory of an
+Exalted Functionary, and in the true
+Turkish fashion. 'Tis a custom (through
+Ignorance of those parts) with the Limners
+of Europe to portray all Osmanlis with
+long Beards; and, for truth, as a Merchant
+at Broussa, I had a great grizzled one of
+most Goatish appearance; but among the
+Bashaws and all those engaged in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[297]</a></span>
+Military Service of the Grand Seignor, or
+holding Employments in the Seraglio, they
+wear only a fierce and martial pair of
+Whiskers. The most distinguishing sign
+of a true Mussulman is, after all, his Sarik
+or Turban, made in two parts, namely, a
+Bonnet, and the Linen that is wrapped
+round it. The former a kind of Cap, red
+or green, without Brims, and quilted with
+Cotton. About this they roll several folds
+of Linen Cloth; and it is a particular art
+to know how to give a Turban a good air;
+it being a trade with 'em, as the Selling of
+Hats is with us. The Emirs, who boast of
+being descended from the race of Mahomet,
+wear a turban all green; but that of the
+common Turks is red, with a white border,
+so distinguishing 'em from the Christians.
+Next I wore great long Breeches of a
+'broidered stuff, and a Shirt of fine soft
+calico, with wide Sleeves, but no Wristbands
+or Collar; and over this a Cassock
+or Vest of fine English Cloth, reaching to
+the ankles, and buttoned with buttons of
+gold, about the bigness of a peppercorn.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[298]</a></span>
+This was tied with a broad Sash or Girdle,
+which went thrice round the waist, with
+the ends hanging down before, and two
+handsome Tassels. Over all this another
+Garment, richly laced, and lined with Furs
+of the Martin or the Badger. In my
+Girdle a Dagger, about the size of a case-knife,
+the handle curiously wrought, and
+adorned with Precious Stones. And as
+the Turkish tailors make no pockets to
+their vestments, Purse, Handkerchief, Tobacco-box,
+and things of that nature must
+needs be put into the Bosom, or thrust
+under the Girdle. Instead of Shoes, a pair
+of Slippers of yellow leather; which, whenever
+you enter a Mosque or the presence
+of a Superior, you must put off on the
+threshold. This custom makes the soles of
+a Turk's feet always ready for the application
+of the Talack or Bastinado, from which
+argument neither high nor low are exempt.</p>
+
+<p><i>Item.</i>&mdash;The Women here very richly
+dressed, but sad Gossips, and a Lazy, Lolloping
+kind of creatures; which they must
+needs be, poor souls, seeing that they have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[299]</a></span>
+no sort of Education, and are kept mostly
+in seclusion, talking of scandal, sucking of
+sugar-plums, showing their brave apparel
+to each other, and thrumming upon the
+Mandolin. A galloping, dreary, dull place
+indeed is a Turkish Harem. As to the
+qualities of the mind, the Turkish Women
+want neither Wit, Good Sense, nor Tenderness;
+but the constraint that is put upon
+'em, and the jealous eye with which they
+are guarded, makes 'em go a great way in
+a little time, and make an ill use of the
+Liberty which is sometimes granted them.
+The old women-slaves of the Armenian and
+Jew Merchants, who are the confidantes of
+the Turkish women, enter their apartments
+at all hours, under the pretence of bringing
+them Jewels, and often favour their amours
+with brisk young fellows. The usual hour
+for intrigue is the hour of morning and
+evening Prayers, when the Husbands are
+away at the Mosques. In case of Discovery
+the Turks are masters of the Lives of their
+Wives; and if they have been convicted
+in form, they are sewn up in Sacks, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[300]</a></span>
+thrown into the Sea. And even if a Guilty
+Woman's life is spared, she is condemned
+to marry her Gallant, who is sentenced to
+die, or must turn Mahometan, supposing
+him to be a Christian. The least punishment
+for a man who has broken the Seventh
+Commandment is to ride through the streets
+upon an Ass, with his face towards the Tail,
+to receive a certain number of Blows upon
+the Soles of his Feet, and to pay a Fine in
+proportion to his Estate.</p>
+
+<p>But though a duly invested Bashaw of
+Three Tails, I was not fated to remain long
+in that Capacity. For once, however, my
+Destiny, in subjecting me to Change, played
+me a kind instead of a spiteful Turn. Going
+to visit the French Ambassador, who was
+then in high favour at the Porte, I found
+there, living under the protection of his
+Family, a Lady, who was no other than my
+dear Wife Lilias, and with her a Daughter,
+called after her own name, who was now
+twelve years of age. Her History, as she
+related it to me, was brief, but amazing.
+Both her Father and the Cardinal died<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[301]</a></span>
+about two years after her return from Captivity;
+but she found a new guardian in
+my old friend Captain Night, or Don Ercolo
+Sparafucile di San Lorenzo, the Knight of
+Malta, who had retired from that Island to
+end his days in France. She was enabled
+to cheer the declining years of that Gallant
+Gentleman, who had preserved a lively remembrance
+of his old <i>Prot&eacute;g&eacute;</i>, Jack Dangerous;
+and when he died, he left her the
+whole of his large fortune. All these years
+she had remained in a dreadful state of
+uncertainty, till, through the kind offices
+of the French Minister of Police, she was
+made acquainted with the last dying avowal
+of a Pirate Renegado, named Sparkenhoe,
+who had expired at the Galleys of Marseille,
+and stated that, in the year 1759, he had
+conveyed a refugee Christian Slave from
+Algiers to Constantinople, where he had
+been sold to a Merchant of Damascus. In
+the almost desperate hope of discovering
+some Tidings of me, my Wife and Child
+had journeyed to the Porte, where they
+were most kindly received at the French<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[302]</a></span>
+Embassy. They had given up almost every
+prospect of meeting me again, when I made
+my sudden appearance in the strange Guise
+of a Turkish Bashaw.</p>
+
+<p>Under ordinary Circumstances, it might
+have gone hard with me; for the Turks
+reckon it as an unpardonable crime for a
+Christian to assume the Mussulman Garb,
+and conform outwardly to that religion,
+without having gone through the Proper
+Rites. However, as I have said, the French
+Ambassador was just then in high favour
+with the Porte. He made interest with the
+Captain Bashaw, the Kislar Aga, and the
+Grand Vizier himself. The services I
+had rendered to the Great Turk by suppressing
+the Insurrection at Broussa were
+taken into consideration; and it was at
+length agreed, that if I would convey myself
+away privately, and take my Wife with
+me, no more should be said about the
+matter. It was given out at Broussa that
+I had been appointed to another and more
+distant Government; and he who had been
+Vizier to the unlucky Fat Man got his much-<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[303]</a></span>coveted
+Preferment, and, I have no doubt,
+was very happy in it, till the inevitable
+Tartar came, and he was Bowstrung, like
+his predecessor. So Gholab Bashaw resigned
+the Three Horse-tails that during so
+brief a period had waved at his Flagstaff,
+and became once more plain <span class="smcap">John Dangerous</span>.
+The Sublime Porte, however, confiscated
+all my Property at Broussa, including
+my Wives&mdash;I mean, my Women
+Servants.</p>
+
+<p>With my Wife and Child I now returned
+to Europe, full of Years, and, I hope, notwithstanding
+some Ups and Downs, full of
+Honours too. We were in no hurry, however,
+to return to England; for I had wandered
+about Foreign Parts so long in
+Discredit, and Danger, and Distress, that I
+thought myself well entitled to see the
+world a little in Freedom and Independence,
+and with a Handsome competence at my
+Back. Therefore, as the Chevalier Captain
+John Dangerous,&mdash;I have dropped my
+Knightly rank of late years,&mdash;and furnished
+with all necessary passports and safe-con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[304]</a></span>ducts,
+we made our way across the Black
+Sea to Odessa, a mean kind of place, but
+rising in the way of trade; and after a most
+affable reception by the Russian Governor
+of that place, journeyed at our ease through
+the Tauric Chersonese, now wrested from
+the Tartar Khans of Simpheropol, and belonging
+to the Muscovites. Next, in a
+handsome wheeled carriage-and-four, we
+made for the great City of Moscow,&mdash;the
+old Capital of the Great Dukes of Russia,&mdash;where
+we abode two whole years, and went
+among the very best people in the place;
+although I had an ugly Equivoque with a
+young gentleman of Quality that was an
+officer of Dragoons, and who, I declare,
+stole a diamond-mounted Snuff-box of mine
+off my wife's Harpsichord, putting the same
+(the Snuff-box, I mean) into the pocket of
+his pantaloons. Him I was compelled to
+expel from my house, the Toe of my Boot
+aiding; and meeting him subsequently at a
+Coffee-house, and he not seeming sufficiently
+impressed with the turpitude of his Offence,
+but the rather inclined to regard it as a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[305]</a></span>
+venial Prank or Whimsey, I did Batoon him
+within an inch of his life, and until there
+were more wheals on his Body than bars of
+silver-braid on his Jacket. This led to a
+serious misunderstanding between Justice
+and myself. I was not Imprisoned, but was
+summoned no less than fifty-seven times
+before a kind of Judge they call an Assessor,
+who addressed a number of interrogatories
+to me, which, at a moderate computation,
+reached, in the course of five weeks, three
+thousand seven hundred and nine questions.
+This might have gone on till Doomsday,
+but for the kind offices of a Muscovite
+friend, who hinted to me that if I discreetly
+slipped a Bank-bill for five hundred roubles
+into the hand of the Examining Judge, I
+should hear no more of the affair. This I
+did, and was soon after honourably acquitted;
+after which I gave the young Spark
+whom I had batooned his revenge, by allowing
+him to duff me out of a few score pieces
+at the game of Lansquenet. By and by,
+being tired of Moscow, we removed to the
+stately northern Capital, Petersburg, where<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[306]</a></span>
+I had a handsome mansion on the Fontanka
+Canal, and was on more than one occasion
+admitted to an audience with the Empress
+of Russia, the mighty Czarina Catherine; a
+fine, bold, strapping woman, with a great
+taste for Politics, Diamonds, the Fine Arts,
+and affairs of Gallantry. The First time
+I made my obeisance to her Majesty (which
+was at her summer residence of Peterhoff,
+on the River Neva), she deigned, smiling
+affably, to say to me:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Ah, ah! vous &ecirc;tes le Sabreur anglais qui
+avez ross&eacute; mes gens, l&agrave;-bas, &agrave; Moscou. Je
+voudrais que vous en fissiez autant pour mes
+faquins de Chevalier-Gardes &agrave; Petersbourg.</i>"</p>
+
+<p>I was given to understand in very high
+quarters that I had only to ask, to receive a
+lucrative and honourable Appointment in
+the service of the Czarina,&mdash;either as a
+General by Land, or as an Admiral at Sea;
+but I was sick of fighting, and of working
+too; so at last, in disgust, I gave up my
+House, and taking shipping with my family
+at Cronstadt, retired to Hamburg, whence,
+after a brief sojourn, I travelled to France.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[307]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>My sainted Wife, with whom, after our
+reunion, I lived most happily, died in Paris,
+in the year 1773; and then, feeling my Days
+drawing to a close, and desiring to lay my
+Bones in my own Country, I returned to
+England, after an absence of more than
+Thirty Years. Finding that the old Mansion
+that had belonged to my Grandmother was
+for sale by Public Auction, I purchased the
+Freehold, repaired and beautified it, and
+came to reside in it, occupying my long
+and happy leisure by the composition of
+these Memoirs. And if any one of my
+Readers experiences one-hundredth part
+the pleasure in Reading these Pages (and
+that I dare scarcely hope) that I have
+experienced in Writing them, John Dangerous
+will indeed be amply repaid.</p>
+
+
+<h3>
+THE END OF THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN<br />
+DANGEROUS.<br />
+</h3>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[308]</a></span></p>
+<h2>NOTE EXCULPATORY.</h2>
+
+
+<p><span class="smcap">It</span> may be as well to state, for the benefit
+of sticklers for matters of fact, that, in the
+episode relating to Arabella Greenville, the
+manner of death ascribed to Lord Francis
+Villiers is, as Dr. Colenso would say, "un-historical."
+The young nobleman in question
+was slain in battle; and the description
+of his execution at Hampton Court is one
+of the few instances of the Romancer's
+licence I have allowed myself in these
+volumes.</p>
+
+<div class='sig'>
+G. A. S.<br /></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[v]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2>Messrs. Tinsley Brothers'</h2>
+
+<h3>PUBLICATIONS.</h3>
+<hr style="width: 25%;" />
+<h3>WORKS IN THE PRESS.</h3>
+
+<div class='center'>In the Press, in 2 vols., 8vo,</div>
+
+<h2>ABEKO&Uacute;TA:</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>AND<br /><br />
+
+AN EXPLORATION OF THE CAMEROON
+MOUNTAINS.<br />
+
+<br />By CAPTAIN RICHARD F. BURTON,<br />
+Author of "A Pilgrimage to Elmedinah and Meccah," &amp;c.</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 25%;' />
+
+<div class='center'>In the Press, in 2 vols.,</div>
+
+<h2>MARTIN POLE.</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>By JOHN SAUNDERS,<br />
+Author of "Abel Drake's Wife," &amp;c.</div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 25%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vi" id="Page_vi">[vi]</a></span></p>
+<div class='center'>Now ready,<br />
+
+<span class="smcap">A New and Cheaper Edition in 1 vol., price 6s.</span></div>
+
+<h2>LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET.</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>By the Author of "Aurora Floyd."</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 25%;' />
+
+<div class='center'>In the Press, in 3 vols., post 8vo.</div>
+
+<h2>MY WANDERINGS IN WEST
+AFRICA:</h2>
+
+<h3>FROM LIVERPOOL TO FERNANDO PO.</h3>
+
+<div class='center'>By F. R. G. S.</div>
+
+<div class='right'><span style="margin-right: 5em;">[Ready in April.</span><br /></div>
+
+<hr style='width: 25%;' />
+
+<div class='center'>In the Press, in 3 vols., post 8vo.</div>
+
+<h2>ALTOGETHER WRONG.</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>By the Author of "The World's Furniture."</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 25%;' />
+
+<div class='center'>In the Press, a New Edition, price 6s., uniform with "Guy
+Livingstone,"</div>
+
+<h2>BARREN HONOUR.</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>By the Author of "Guy Livingstone," "Sword and Gown,"
+&amp;c.</div>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[vii]</a></span></p>
+
+<h3>WORKS JUST PUBLISHED, AND IN CIRCULATION<br />
+AT ALL THE LIBRARIES.</h3>
+
+<div class='center'>NOTICE:</div>
+
+<h2>AURORA FLOYD,</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>BY THE AUTHOR OF</div>
+
+<h3>"LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET."</h3>
+
+<div class='center'>The Fifth Edition is now Ready, at all the Libraries,
+in 3 vols.</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 25%;' />
+
+<div class='center'>This day, at every Library, in 3 vols.</div>
+
+<h2>THE HOUSE</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>BY THE</div>
+
+<h3>CHURCHYARD.</h3>
+
+<div class='center'>By J. SHERIDAN LE FANU.</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 25%;' />
+
+<div class='center'>Now ready, at every Library, in 3 vols.</div>
+
+<h2>A TANGLED SKEIN.</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>By ALBANY FONBLANQUE.</div>
+<hr style='width: 45%;' /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[viii]</a></span></p>
+
+
+<div class='center'>Now ready, the Five-Shilling Edition of</div>
+
+<h2>GUY LIVINGSTONE.</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>By the Author of "Barren Honour," "Sword
+and Gown."</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 25%;' />
+
+<div class='center'>Now ready, in 2 vols.</div>
+
+<h2>THE LITERATURE</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>OF</div>
+
+<h3>SOCIETY.</h3>
+
+<div class='center'>By GRACE WHARTON,<br />
+
+One of the Authors of "The Queens of Society," &amp;c.</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 25%;' />
+
+<div class='center'>Now ready, at all the Libraries, in 1 vol. 8vo.</div>
+
+<h2>THE PUBLIC LIFE</h2>
+
+<div class='center'>OF</div>
+
+<h3>LORD MACAULAY.</h3>
+
+<div class='center'>By FREDERICK ARNOLD, B.A.,<br />
+Of Christ Church, Oxford.</div>
+
+<hr style='width: 25%;' />
+
+<h4>TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND.</h4>
+
+<hr style='width: 65%;' />
+<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a> There is a River in Macedon and a River in
+Monmouth, and more Malagas than one.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_B_2" id="Footnote_B_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_B_2"><span class="label">[B]</span></a> "'Tis the Blood, the Blood mounting to my Head!
+'Tis the Archbishop's fault, and that of his Charge.
+I shall perish; but the Mighty Ones of the Earth
+shall perish with me."</p>
+<p>I have, contrary to my practice, given these Words
+as they were spoken, in the French Tongue: for they
+sunk into my Mind, so as never to be forgotten.&mdash;J. D.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_C_3" id="Footnote_C_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_C_3"><span class="label">[C]</span></a> 2 Kings, ix. 30.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_D_4" id="Footnote_D_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_D_4"><span class="label">[D]</span></a> I preserve a fragment of what His Eminence
+was pleased once upon a time to write to me, in his
+curious Italian way of spelling the French tongue:</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Si cieu che vous m'avez dict sur vostre Naissance &egrave;
+vray, vos esteo digne di monter dedans le carozze du
+Roy.</i>"</p></div></div>
+
+<hr style='width: 65%;' />
+
+<div class='tnote'><h3>Transcriber's Notes:</h3>
+<p>Obvious punctuation errors repaired.</p>
+
+<p>Spelling being fluid in Captain Dangerous' life, spellings such as "Quean" (which shows up
+twice) were retained.</p>
+
+<p>Varied hyphenation in this book includes: a-piece and apiece, Gunshot and Gun-shot;
+maingears and main-gears; Night-cap and Nightcap; Red-hot and Redhot.</p>
+
+<p>The remaining corrections made are indicated by dotted lines under the corrections. Scroll the mouse over the word and the original text will <ins title="Transcriber's Note: original reads 'apprear'">appear</ins>.</p></div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Strange Adventures of Captain
+Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3, by George Augustus Sala
+
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+</body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Strange Adventures of Captain
+Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3, by George Augustus Sala
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Strange Adventures of Captain Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3
+       Who was a sailor, a soldier, a merchant, a spy, a slave
+       among the moors...
+
+Author: George Augustus Sala
+
+Release Date: September 19, 2008 [EBook #26669]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAPTAIN DANGEROUS, VOL. 3 OF 3 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Emmy and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This
+book was produced from scanned images of public domain
+material from the Google Print project.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE STRANGE ADVENTURES
+
+OF
+
+CAPTAIN DANGEROUS:
+
+          WHO WAS A SOLDIER, A SAILOR, A MERCHANT, A SPY, A SLAVE
+          AMONG THE MOORS, A BASHAW IN THE SERVICE
+          OF THE GRAND TURK,
+
+          AND
+
+          =Died at last in his own House in Hanover Square.=
+
+          A NARRATIVE IN OLD-FASHIONED ENGLISH.
+
+          ATTEMPTED BY
+          GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA.
+
+
+          IN THREE VOLUMES.
+
+          VOL. III.
+
+
+          LONDON:
+          TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND.
+          1863.
+
+          [_The right of Translation is reserved._]
+
+
+
+
+          LONDON:
+          SAVILL AND EDWARDS, PRINTERS, CHANDOS STREET,
+          COVENT GARDEN.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS OF VOL. III.
+
+
+  CHAPTER THE FIRST.                                         PAGE
+    I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO
+      RIGHT ROUND IT                                            1
+
+  CHAPTER THE SECOND.
+    MERCATOR, HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT              44
+
+  CHAPTER THE THIRD.
+    THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO
+      EUROPE                                                   71
+
+  CHAPTER THE FOURTH.
+    OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND    115
+
+  CHAPTER THE FIFTH.
+    OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS,
+      WHICH WAS NEARLY MY UNDOING                             154
+
+  CHAPTER THE SIXTH.
+    OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE
+      CARDINAL DE ----                                        181
+
+  CHAPTER THE SEVENTH.
+    I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM
+      REDUCED TO A STATE OF MISERABLE SLAVERY                 196
+
+  CHAPTER THE EIGHTH.
+    AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS
+      BECOMES BESTUSCHID BASHAW                               230
+
+  CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST.
+    OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF
+      MY ADVENTURES IN RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND
+      OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MY GRANDMOTHER'S
+      HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE.            272
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+
+
+
+THE STRANGE ADVENTURES
+
+OF
+
+CAPTAIN DANGEROUS.
+
+=A Narrative in Old fashioned English.=
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE FIRST.
+
+I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO RIGHT ROUND IT.
+
+
+1748. I was not yet Forty years of age, Hale and Stout, Comely
+enough,--so said Mistress Prue and many other damsels,--with a Military
+Education, an approved reputation for Valour, and very little else
+besides. A gentleman at large, with a purse well-nigh as slender as an
+ell-wand, and as wobegone as a dried eel-skin. But I was never one that
+wanted many Superfluities; and having no Friends in the world, was of a
+most Contented Disposition.
+
+Some trouble, indeed, must I have with that luckless Mistress Prue, the
+Waiting-Maid--sure, I did the girl no Harm, beyond whispering a little
+soft nonsense in her ear now and then. But she must needs have a
+succession of Hysterical Fits after my departure from the Tower, and
+write me many scores of Letters couched in the most Lamentable
+Rigmarole, threatening to throw herself into Rosamond's Pond in St.
+James's Park (then a favourite Drowning-Place for Disconsolate Lovers),
+with many other nonsensical Menaces. But I was firm to my Determination
+to do her no harm, and therefore carefully abstained from answering any
+of her letters. She did not break her heart; but (being resolved to wed
+one that wore the King's cloth) she married Miles Bandolier about three
+months after my Departure, and broke his head, ere the Honeymoon was
+over, with a Bed-staff. A most frivolous Quean this, and I well rid of
+her.
+
+Coming out of the Tower, I took lodgings for a season in Great Ryder
+Street, St. James's, and set up for a Person of Pleasure. There were
+many Military Officers of my Acquaintance who honoured me with their
+company over a Bottle, for even as a Tower Warder I had been a kind of a
+Gentleman, and there was no treating me as one of base Degree. They
+laughed somewhat at my Brevet rank of Captain, and sometimes twitted me
+as to what Regiment I was in; but I let them laugh, so long as they did
+not go too far, when I would most assuredly have shown them, by the
+length of my Blade, not only what Regiment I belonged to, but what
+Mettle I was of. By favour of some of my Martial Friends, I was
+introduced to a favourite Coffee-House, the "Ramilies," in Jermyn Street
+('tis Slaughter's, in St. Martin's Lane, now, that the Soldier-Officers
+do most use); and there we had many a pleasant Carouse, and, moreover,
+many a good game at cards; at the which, thanks to the tuition of Mr.
+Hodge, when I was in Mr. Pinchin's service, I was a passable adept,
+being able to hold my own and More, in almost every Game that is to be
+found in Hoyle. And so our card-playing did result, not only to mutual
+pleasure, but to my especial Profit; for I was very lucky. But I declare
+that I always played fair; and if any man doubted the strict probity of
+my proceeding, there was then, as there is now, my Sword to vindicate my
+Honour.
+
+'Tis ill-living, however, on Gambling. Somehow or another the Money you
+win at Cards--I would never touch Dice, which are too chancy, liable to
+be Sophisticated, and, besides, sure to lead to Brawling, Stabbing, and
+cracking of Crowns--this Money, gotten over Old Nick's back, I say,
+never seems to do a Man any Good. 'Tis light come, and light go; and the
+Store of Gold Pieces that glitter so bravely when you sweep them off the
+green cloth seems, in a couple of days afterwards, to have turned to dry
+leaves, like the Magician's in the Fairy Tale. Excepting Major Panton,
+who built the Street and the Square which bear his name out of One
+Night's Profit at the Pharoah table, can you tell me of one habitual
+Gambler who has been able to realise anything substantial out of his
+Winnings? No, no; a Hand at Cards is all very well, and 'tis pleasant to
+win enough to pay one's Reckoning, give a Supper to the Loser, and have
+a Frisk upon Town afterwards; but I do abhor your steady, systematic
+Gamblers, with their restless eyes, quivering lips, hair bristling under
+their wigs, and twitching fingers, as they watch the Game. Of course,
+when Cards are played, you must play for Money. As to playing for Love,
+I would as soon play for nutshells or cheese-parings. But the whole
+business is too feverish and exciting for a Man of warm temperament.
+'Tis killing work when your Bed and Raiment, your Dinner and your Flask,
+depend on the turn up of a card. And so I very speedily abandoned this
+line of life.
+
+'Twas necessary, nevertheless, for something to be done to bring Grist
+to the Mill. About this time it was a very common practice for Great
+Noblemen--notably those who were in any way addicted to pleasure, and
+ours was a mighty Gay Nobility thirty or forty years since--to entertain
+Men of Honour, Daring, and Ability, cunning in the use of their Swords,
+and exceedingly discreet in their conversations, to attend them upon
+their private affairs, and render to them Services of a kind that
+required Secrecy as well as Courage. One or two Duels in Hyde Park and
+behind Montagu House, in which I had the honour to be concerned as
+Second,--and in one of which I engaged the Second of my Patron's
+Adversary, and succeeded, by two dexterous side slices, in Quincing his
+face as neatly as a housewife would slice Fruit for a Devonshire Squab
+Pie,--gained me the notice of some of the Highest Nobility, to whom I
+was otherwise recommended by the easiness of my Manners, and the amenity
+of my Language. The young Earl of Modesley did in particular affect me,
+and I was of Service to his Lordship on many most momentous and delicate
+Occasions. For upwards of Six Months I was sumptuously entertained in
+his Lordship's Mansion in Red Lion Square;--a Kind of Hospitality,
+indeed, which he was most profuse in the dispensation of:--there being
+at the same time in the House a French Dancing-Master, an Italian
+Singer, a Newmarket Horse-Jockey, and a Domestic Chaplain, that had been
+unfrocked for too much fighting of Cocks and drinking of Cider with
+clowns at his Vicarage; but to whom the Earl of Modesley was always a
+fast friend. Unfortunate Young Nobleman! He died of a malignant Fever at
+Avignon, just before attaining his Thirtieth Year! His intentions
+towards me were of the most Bounteous Description; and he even, being
+pleased to say that I was a good-looking Fellow enough, and come to an
+Age when it behoved me to be settled in Life, proposed that I should
+enter in the bonds of Wedlock with one Miss Jenny Lightfoot, that had
+formerly been a Milliner in Liquorpond Street, but who, when his
+Lordship introduced me to her, lived in most splendid Lodgings under the
+Piazza, Covent Garden, and gave the handsomest Chocolate Parties to the
+Young Nobility that ever were seen. So Boundless was his Lordship's
+generosity that he offered to bestow a portion of Five Hundred Pounds on
+Miss Lightfoot if she would become Madame Dangerous--said portion to be
+at my absolute disposal--and to give me besides a long Lease at a
+Peppercorn Rent of a Farm of his in Wiltshire. The Match, however, came
+to nothing. I was not yet disposed to surrender my Liberty; and, indeed,
+the Behaviour of Miss Lightfoot, while the Treaty of Alliance between us
+was being discussed, did not augur very favourably for our felicity in
+the Matrimonial State. Indeed, she was pleased to call me Rogue,
+Gambler, Bully, Led Captain, and many other uncivil names. She snapped
+off the silver hilt of my dress-sword (presented to me after I had
+fought the Second in Hyde Park), and obstinately refused to restore that
+gewgaw to me, telling me that she had given it to her Landlady (one
+Mother Bishopsbib, a monstrous Fat Woman, that was afterwards Carted,
+and stood in the Pillory in Spring Gardens, for evil practices) in part
+payment for rent-owing. Moreover, she wilfully spoilt my best periwig by
+overturning a Chocolate Mill thereupon; and otherwise so misconducted
+herself that I bade her a respectful Farewell,--she leaving the marks of
+her Nails on my face as a parting Gift,--and told my Lord Modesley that
+I would as lief wed a Roaring Dragon as this Termagant of the Piazza.
+This Refusal brought about a Rupture between myself and my Lord. He was
+imprudent enough to talk about my Ingratitude, to tell me that the very
+coat on my back was bought and paid for with his Money, and to threaten
+to have me kicked out of doors by two of his Tall Lacqueys. But I
+speedily let him have a piece of my Mind. "My Lord," says I, going up to
+him, and thrusting my face full in his, "you will be pleased to know
+that I am a Gentleman, whose ancestors were ennobled centuries before
+your rascally grandfather got his peerage for turning against the true
+King."
+
+He began to murmur something (as many have done before when my blood
+was up, and I have mentioned Royalty) about my being "a Jacobite."
+
+"I'll Jacobite your jacket for you, you Jackadandy!" I retorted. "You
+have most foully insulted me. I know your Lordship's ways well. If I
+sent you a cartel, you and your whippersnapper Friends would sneer at
+it, because I am poor, and fling Led Captain in my teeth. You won't
+fight with a poor Gentleman of the Sword. I am too much of a Man of
+Honour to waylay you at night, and give you the private Stab, as you
+deserve; but so sure as you are your father's son, if you don't make me
+this instant a Handsome Apology, I will cudgel you till there is not a
+whole bone in your body."
+
+The young Ruffian--he was not such a coward as Squire Pinchin, but
+rather murderous--makes no more do, but draws upon me. I caught up a
+quarter-staff that lay handy (for we were always exercising ourselves at
+athletic amusements), struck the weapon from his grasp, and hit him a
+sounding thwack across the shins that brought him down upon his
+marrow-bones.
+
+"Below the Belt!" he cries out, holding up his hands. "Foul! foul!"
+
+"Foul be hanged!" I answered. "I'm not going to fight, but to Beat You;"
+and I rushed upon him, shortening the Staff, and would have belaboured
+him Soundly, but that he saw it was no use contending against John
+Dangerous, and very humbly craved a parley. He Apologised as I had
+Demanded, and lent me Twenty Guineas, and we parted on the most friendly
+terms.
+
+This Lord essayed, notwithstanding, to do me much harm in Town, saying
+that I had used him with black Cruelty, had re-requited his many favours
+with gross Treachery, and the like Falsehoods, until I was obliged to
+send him a Message to this purport: that unless he desisted, I should be
+obliged to keep my promise as to the Cudgel. Upon which he presently
+surceased. So much meanness had he, even, as to fudge up a pretended
+debt of nineteen guineas against me as for money lent, for the which I
+was arrested by bailiffs and conveyed--being taken at Jonathan's--to a
+vile spunging-house in Little Bell Alley, Moorfields; but the keeper of
+the House stood my friend, and procured a Bail for me in the shape of an
+Honest Gentleman, who was to be seen every day about Westminster Hall
+with a straw in his shoe, and for a crown and a dinner at the
+eating-house would suddenly become worth five hundred a year, or at
+least swear himself black in the face that such was his estate:--which
+was all that was required. And when it came to justifying of Bail before
+the Judges, what so easy as to hire a suit of clothes in Monmouth
+Street, and send him into court fully equipped as a reputable gentleman?
+However, there was no occasion for this, for on the very night of my
+enlargement I won fifty guineas at the tables; and walking very Bold to
+my Lord's House, sends up the nineteen guineas to my Lord with a note,
+asking to what lawyer I should pay the cost of suit, and whether I
+should wait upon him at his Levee for a receipt. On the which he, still
+with the fear of a cudgelling before his eyes, sends me down a Receipt
+in Full, _and the Money back to boot_, begging me to trouble myself in
+no way about the lawyer; which, I promise you, I did not. And so an end
+of this troublesome acquaintance,--a profitable one enough to me while
+it lasted. As for Miss Jenny, her Behaviour soon became as light as her
+name. I have heard that she got into trouble about a Spanish Merchant
+that was flung down stairs and nigh killed, and that but for the Favour
+of Justice Cogwell, who had a hankering for her, 'twould have been a
+Court-Job. Afterwards I learnt that she had been seen beating Hemp in
+Bridewell in a satin sack laced with silver; and I warrant that she was
+fain to cry, "Knock! oh, good Sir Robert, knock!" many a time before the
+Blue-coated Beadles on court day had done swingeing of her.
+
+There are certain periods in the life even of the most fortunate man
+when his Luck is at a desperately low ebb,--when everything seems to go
+amiss with him,--when nothing that he can turn his hand to prospers,--when
+friends desert him, and the companions of his sunshiny days chide him
+for not having made better use of his opportunities,--when, Do what he
+will, he cannot avert the Black Storm,--when Ruin seems impending, and
+Catastrophe is on the cards,--when he is Down, in a word, and the
+despiteful are getting ready to gibe at him in his Misfortune, and to
+administer unto him the last Kick. These times of Trial and Bitter
+Travail ofttimes strike one who has just attained Middle age,--the
+Halfway-House of Life; and then, 'tis the merest chance in the world
+whether he will be enabled to pick himself up again, or be condemned for
+evermore to poverty and contumely,--to the portion of weeds and out-worn
+faces. I do confess that about this period of my career things went very
+badly with me, and that I was grievously hard-driven, not alone to make
+both ends meet, but to discover anything that could have its ending in a
+Meal of Victuals. I have heard that some of the greatest Prelates,
+Statesmen, Painters, Captains, and Merchants--I speak not of Poets, for
+it is their eternal portion, seemingly, to be born, to live, and to Die
+Poor--have suffered the like straits at some time or another of their
+lives. Many times, however, have I put it on record in these pages, that
+Despair and I were never Bedfellows. As for Suicide, I do condemn it,
+and abhor it utterly, as the most cowardly, Dishonest, and unworthy
+Method to which a Man can resort that he may rid himself of his
+Difficulties. To make a loathsome unhandsome corpse of yourself, and
+deny yourself Christian Burial, nay, run the risk of crowner's quest,
+and interment at the meeting of four cross-roads with a Stake driven
+through your Heart. Oh, 'tis shameful! Hang yourself, forsooth! why
+should you spend money in threepenny cord, when Jack Ketch, if you
+deserve it, will hang you for nothing, and the County find the rope?
+Take poison! why, you are squeamish at accepting physic from the doctor,
+which may possibly do you good. Why, then, should you swallow a vile
+mess which you are _certain_ must do you harm? Fall upon your sword, as
+Tully--I mean Brutus--or some of those old Romans, were wont to do when
+the Game was up! In the first place, I should like to see the man,
+howsoever expert a fencer, who could so tumble on his own blade and kill
+himself. 'Tis easier to swallow a sword than to fall upon one, and the
+first is quite as much a Mountebank's Trick as t'other. Blow your brains
+out! A mighty fine climax truly, to make a Horrible Mess all over the
+floor, and frighten the neighbours out of their wits, besides, as a
+waggish friend of mine has it, rendering yourself stone-deaf for life.
+If it comes to powder and ball, why, a Man of courage would much sooner
+blow out somebody else's Brains instead of his own.
+
+I did not, I am thankful to say, want Bread during this my time of ill
+luck; and I never parted with my sword; but sure it is that Jack
+Dangerous was woundily pushed, and had to adopt many extraordinary
+shifts for a livelihood. _Item:_ I engaged myself to one Mr. O'Teague,
+an Irishman, that had been a pupil of the famous Mr. Figg, Master of the
+Noble Art of Self-Defence, at his Theatre of Arms, on the right hand
+side of the Oxford Road, near Adam and Eve Court. Mr. Figg was, as is
+well known, the very Atlas of the Sword; and Mr. O'Teague's body was a
+very Mass of Scars and Cicatrices gotten in hand-to-hand conflicts with
+the broadsword on the public stage. He had once presumed to rival Mr.
+Figg, whence arose a cant saying of the time, "A fig for the Irish;" but
+having been honourably vanquished by him, even to the slicing of his
+nose in two pieces, the cracking of his crown in sundry places, and the
+scoring of his body as though it had been a Loin of Pork for the
+Bakehouse, he was taken into his service, and became a principal figure
+in all the grand gladiatorial encounters, at wages of forty shillings a
+week and his meat. As for Mr. Figg himself, who was as good at backsword
+as at broadsword, at quarter-staff as at foil, and at fisticuffs as any
+one of them,--to say nothing of his Cornish wrestling,--I saw him once,
+and shall never forget him. There was a Majesty blazed in his
+countenance and shone in all his actions beyond all I ever beheld. His
+right leg bold and firm; and his Left, which could hardly ever be
+disturbed, gave him the surprising advantages he so often proved, and
+struck his Adversary with Despair and Panic. He had that peculiar way of
+stepping in, in a Parry, which belongs to the Grand School alone; he
+knew his arm, and its just time of moving; put a firm faith in that, and
+never let his foe escape a parry. He was just as much as great a master
+as any I ever saw, as he was a greater judge of time and Measure. It was
+his method, when he fought in his Amphitheatre, to send round to a
+select number of his scholars to borrow a shirt for the ensuing combat,
+and seldom failed of half-a-dozen of superfine Holland from his prime
+Pupils. Most of the young Nobility and Gentry made it a part of their
+education to march under his warlike banner. Most of his Scholars were
+at every battle, and were sure to exult at their great master's
+victories; every person supposing he saw the wounds his shirt received.
+Then Mr. Figg would take an opportunity to inform his Lenders of the
+charm their Linen had received, with an offer to send the garments home;
+but he seldom received any other answer than "Hang you, keep it." A most
+ingenious and courageous person, and immeasurably beyond all his
+competitors, such as O'Teague, Will Holmes, Felix Maguire, Broughton,
+Sutton, and the like.
+
+Many good bouts with all kinds of weapons did we have at Mr. O'Teague's
+theatre, which was down a Stable-yard behind Newport Market, not far
+from Orator Henley's chapel. The shirt manoeuvre we tried over and
+over again with varying success; but we found it in the end impossible
+to preserve order among our Patrons, the greater part of whom were
+Butchers; and I am fain to admit that many of these unctuous sky-blue
+jerkins could fight as well as we. Then Mr. O'Teague was much given to
+drinking, and in his potations quarrelsome. 'Twas all very well
+fighting on a stage for profit, and with the chance of applause, a clean
+shirt, and perchance a Right Good Supper given to us by our admirers
+afterwards at some neighbouring Tavern; but I never could see the humour
+of Swashbuckling for nothing, and without occasion; and as my Employer
+was somewhat too prompt to call in cold iron when his Head was so Hot, I
+shook hands with him, and bade him find another assistant. This was the
+Mr. O'Teague that was afterwards so unfortunate as to be hanged at
+Tyburn for devalising a gentleman at Roehampton. Great interest was made
+to save him, his very prosecutor (who knew not at the first his
+assailant, or that he had been driven to the road by hard times) heading
+the signatures to a petition for him. But 'twas all in vain. He made a
+beautiful end of it in a fine white nightcap fringed; and his funeral
+was attended by some of the most eminent swordsmen in town, who had a
+gallant set-to afterwards for the benefit of his widow. 'Tis sad to
+think of the numbers of brave men that I have known, and how many of
+them are Hanged.
+
+About this time I was much with the Players, but misliked them
+exceedingly; and although numbers of brilliant offers were made to me, I
+could not be persuaded to try the sock and buskin. Hard as were the
+names by which my enemies would sometimes call me, I could never abide
+that of Rogue and Vagabond, and such, by Act of Parliament, was the
+player at that time. No, I said, whatever straits I am driven to, I will
+be a Soldier of Fortune, and Captain Dangerous to the last.
+
+Of my Adventure with Madam Taffetas the Widow, I am not disposed to say
+much. Indeed, until my being finally settled, and made the Happiest Man
+upon earth by my union with the departed Saint who was the mother of my
+Lilias, it must be admitted that my commerce with the Sex was mostly of
+the unluckiest description. I have been used most shamefully by women;
+but it behoves me not to complain, seeing how much felicity I was
+permitted to enjoy in my latter days. This much, however, I will
+discreetly set down. That meeting Madam Taffetas in a side box at Drury
+Lane play-house, She was pleased to accept my Addresses, and to inform
+me that my conversation was in the highest degree tasteful to her. I
+entertained her very handsomely--indeed much beyond my means, for I was
+very heavily in debt for necessaries, and I could scarcely walk the
+streets without apprehensions of the grim Sergeant with his capias.
+Madam Taffetas was an exceedingly comely person, amazingly well dressed,
+and, as I was given to understand, in very prosperous circumstances. She
+kept an Italian Warehouse by the Sign of The two Olive Posts, in the
+broad part of the Strand, almost opposite to Exeter Change, and sold all
+sorts of Italian Silks, Lustrings, Satins, Paduasoys, Velvets, Damasks,
+Fans, Leghorn Hats, Flowers, Violin Strings, Books of Essences, Venice
+Treacle, Balsams, Florence Cordials, Oil, Olives, Anchovies, Capers,
+Vermicelli, Bologna Sausages, Parmesan Cheese, Naples Soap, and similar
+delicate cates from foreign parts. All her friends put her down as a
+forty-thousand-pounder. In Brief, she professed to be satisfied with my
+gentility and Ancient Lineage, though worldly goods I had none to offer
+her. All congratulated me on my Good Fortune; and not wanting to make
+any unnecessary bustle about the affair, we took coach one fine Monday
+morning down to Fleet Market, and were married by a Fleet parson--none
+other, indeed, than my old friend Chaplain Hodge, who had taken to this
+way of life and found it very profitable, marrying his twenty or thirty
+couple a week, when Business was brisk, at fees varying from five
+guineas to seven-and-sixpence, and from a dozen of Burgundy to half a
+pint of Geneva. But 'twas a rascally business, the venerable man said,
+and he sorely longed for the good old days when he, and I, and Squire
+Pinchin, made the Grand Tour together. Alas, for that poor little man!
+His Reverence told me that he had gone from bad to worse; that his Mamma
+had married a knavish lawyer, who so bewildered Mr. Pinchin with
+Mortgages, and Deeds of Gift, and Loans at usurious interest, that he
+got at last the whole of his property from him, brought him in many
+thousands in debt besides, and, after keeping him for three years locked
+up and half-starved in the Compter, was only forced to consent to his
+enlargement when the unhappy little man--whose head was never of the
+strongest, and his wits always going a wool-gathering--went
+stark-staring mad, and was, by the City charity, removed to Bedlam
+Hospital in Moorfields. There he raved for a time, imagining himself to
+be the Pope of Rome, with a paper-cap for a tiara, an ell-wand for a
+crosier, a blanket for a rochet, and bestowing his blessings on the
+other Maniacs with much force and vehemence; and there, poor demented
+creature, he died in the year 1740.
+
+Much better would it have been for me, had I gone straight off my Head
+and had been sent to howl in Bedlam, than that I should have married
+that same thievish catamaran, Madam Taffetas. Surely never Madman
+deserved a Dark House and a Whip more than I did for that most foolishly
+contracted union. I defy Calumny to prove that I ever used anything
+approaching false Representations in this matter. I told her plainly
+that my Hand, Sword, and Deep Devotion were all I had to offer, and that
+for mere vile pounds, shillings, and pence, and other Mercantile
+Arrangements, I must look to her. Absolutely I borrowed ten pieces,
+although I was then at a very Low Ebb, to defray the expenses of the
+wedding Treat, which was done most handsomely at the Bible and Crown, in
+Pope's Head Alley, Cornhill. "Now then," I said to myself, as we came
+home towards the Strand (for we were resolved to have no foolish
+honeymooning in the Country, but to remain in town and keep an eye to
+Business)--"now then, Jack Dangerous, thou art at last Married and
+Settled, and need trouble thyself no more about the cares and anxieties
+of money-grubbing and bread-getting. Thou art tiled-in handsomely, Jack;
+thatched and fenced, and girt about with Comfort and Respectability.
+Thy hat is on, and thy house is covered." Alas, poor fool! alas, triply
+distilled zany and egregiously doting idiot! No sooner did a Hackney
+coach set us down at the Leghorn Warehouse in the broad part of the
+Strand, than we found Margery the maid and Tom the shopboy in a great
+confusion of tears on the threshold; and immediately afterwards we heard
+that during our absence to get married, Bailiffs had made their
+entrance, and seized all the Merchandise for a bill owing by Madam
+Taffetas to her Factor of Seven Hundred Pounds. The false Quean that I
+was wedded to was hopelessly bankrupt, and with the greatest impudence
+in the world she calls upon me to pay the Money; the Bailiffs adding,
+with a grin, that to their knowledge she owed much more than their
+Execution stood for, and that no doubt, so soon as it was bruited abroad
+that I was her Husband, the Sheriff of Middlesex would have something to
+say to me in the way of a capias against my person. In vain did I Rave
+and Swear, and endeavour to show that I could in no way be held liable
+for Debts which I had never contracted. Such, I was told, was the Law;
+and such it remains to this day, to the Great Scandal of justice, and
+the detriment of Gentlemen cavalieros who may be entrapped into marrying
+vulgar Adventuresses whom they deem Gentlewomen of Property, and who
+turn out instead to be not worth two-pence-halfpenny in the world. Nor
+were words wanting to add dire Insult to this astounding Injury; for
+Madam Taffetas, now Dangerous, as I groaningly remembered, must needs
+call me Mercenary Rascal, Shuffling Pickthank, Low-minded
+Fortune-hunter, and the like unkind names.
+
+Madam Dangerous indeed! But I am thankful to Providence that the title
+she assumed very soon fell away from her, and that I was once more left
+free and Independent. For whilst we were in the very midst of Hot
+Dispute and violent Recrimination comes a great noise at the door as
+though some one were striving to Batter it down. And then Margery the
+maid and Tom the shop-lad began to howl and yelp again, crying out
+Murder and thieves, and that they were undone, the Bailiffs smoking
+their Pipes and drinking their Beer meanwhile, as though they enjoyed
+the Humours of the Scene hugely, and my wicked wife now pretending to
+faint, and now making at me with the avowed Design of tearing my eyes
+out. Presently comes lurching and staggering into the room a Great
+Hulking Brute of a Man that was attired like a Sea Captain; and this
+Roystering Tarpaulin makes up without more ado to my Precious Partner,
+gives her two sounding Busses on either side of her cheeks, and salutes
+her as his wife.
+
+"Your wife!" I cried, starting up; "why, she's my wife! I married her
+this very morning, and to my sorrow, before Parson Hodge, the
+Couple-Beggar, at the Fleet."
+
+"That may be, Brother," answers the Sea Captain, with drunken gravity;
+"but she's my wife, for all that. You married her this morning, you say.
+I married her five years ago, at Horsleydown, and in the Parish church.
+I've got the 'Stifficate to prove it; and though I say it that
+shouldn't, there's not a Finer woman, with a neater ankle and such a
+Devil of a temper, to be found 'twixt Beachy Head and Cape Horn."
+
+"A fig for both of you," bellows Madam Taffetas, who had gone into one
+of her Sham Faints in the arm-chair, but was now conveniently recovered
+again. "If I'm married to both of you--to you, you pitiless Grampus"
+(this was to the Sea Captain), "and to you, Ruffian, Bully, and
+Stabster" (this was to _me_), "I'm married to somebody else, and my real
+Husband is a Gentleman, who, if he were here, would quoit the pair of
+you into the street from Exeter Change to the Fox under the Hill."
+
+She said this in one Scream, and then Fainted, or pretended to Faint
+again.
+
+"Brother," said the Sea Captain to me, staggering a little (for he
+confessed to having much mixed punch under hatches), but still very
+grave,--"brother, I think as how it's clear that we're both of us d--d
+fools, and d--d lucky fellows at the same time."
+
+"Amen!" cries one of the Bailiffs, with a guffaw.
+
+"_You_ belay," remarked the Captain, turning towards the vermin of Law
+with profound disdain. "Brother" (turning to me), "is the Press out?"
+
+"What do you mean?" I inquired. "You know that there's no warrant for
+press-gangs in this part of the Liberties of Westminster."
+
+"Liberty be Hanged!" quoth the Sea Captain. "If there was any liberty,
+there couldn't be a press, for which I don't care a groat, for I'm a
+master mariner. This is what I mean. Is them landlubbers there part of a
+press-gang? Are you trapped, brother? Are you in the bilboes? Are you in
+any danger of being put under hatches?"
+
+"Why," upspoke one of the Bailiffs, answering for me, "the truth is that
+we are Sheriff's Sergeants, and have made seizure, according to due writ
+of _fi. fa._ of this worthy lady's goods. We've nothing at all against
+the gentleman who says that he married her this morning; but as you
+said that you married her five years ago, it's very likely that we, or
+some of our mates, shall have something to say to you, in the form of
+parchment, between this and noon to-morrow."
+
+"Very well," answers the Strange Seaman. "You speak like a Man o' War's
+chaplain, some Lies and some Lingo, but all of it d--d Larned. Have you
+got ere a drop of rum, brother?"
+
+"There's nothing here but some Three-Thread Swipes," responds Mr.
+Bailiff; "and, indeed, we were waiting until the gentleman treated us to
+something better."
+
+"Then," continues the Captain, "you shall have some rum. Younker, go and
+fetch these gentlemen some liquor;" and he flings a crown to the
+shop-lad. "You may drink your grog and blow your baccy," he went on, "as
+long as ever you like, and much good may it do you. And as for you,
+Pig-faced Nan,"--in this uncivil manner did he address the false Madam
+Taffetas,--"you may go to bed, or to the Devil, 'zactly as you choose,
+and settle your Business with the Bailiffs in the morning 'zactly as you
+like. And you and I, brother," he wound up, taking me by the arm in
+quite a friendly manner, "will just go and take our grog and blow our
+baccy in peace and quietness, and thank the Lord for it."
+
+All this he said with great thickness and indistinctness of utterance,
+but with an immovable gravity of countenance. I never saw a Man who was
+manifestly so Drunk speak so sensibly, and behave himself in such a
+proper manner in my life.
+
+As he turned on his heel to leave the parlour where all this took place,
+I saw one of the Bailiffs rise stealthily as if to follow us.
+
+"Belay there!" the Captain cried, advancing his mahogany paw in a
+warning manner. "Hold hard, shipmates. I'm a peaceable man, and aboard
+they call me Billy the Lamb; but, by the Lord Harry, if I catch you
+sneaking about, or trying to find out where I and this noble gentleman
+be agoing, I'm blest if I don't split your skull in two with this here
+speaking-trumpet." And so saying the Captain produced a very long tin
+tube, such as Mariners carry to make their voices heard at a distance at
+sea, but which they generally have aboard, and do not carry with them in
+their walks.
+
+The Bailiffs were sensible men, and forbore to intermeddle with us any
+more. So we marched out of the House, it being now about nine o'clock at
+night; and, upon my word, from that moment to this, I never set eyes
+upon Madam Taffetas, or Dangerous, or Blokes,--for the Sea Captain's
+name, he afterwards told me, was Blokes,--or whatever her real name was.
+It is very certain that she used me most scandalously, and cruelly
+betrayed the trusting confidence of one that was not only a Bachelor,
+but an Orphan.
+
+Captain Blokes was a strange character. We had a grand Carouse that
+night, he paying the Shot like a gentleman; and over our flowing Bowls,
+he told me that he had long had suspicions of his wife's real
+character; and was, indeed, in possession of evidence (though he had
+kept it secret) to prove that she had given herself in marriage to
+another man before she had wedded him. And then, through the
+serving-lad, he had heard that very morning, on his coming into the Pool
+from Gravesend and Foreign Parts, that Madam, who thought him in China
+at least, and hoped him Dead, was about to enter into Wedlock once
+again; so that, determined to have Sport, he had well Primed himself
+with Punch, and lurked about the neighbourhood until Monsieur Tomfool
+and his Spouse (by which I mean myself, although no other man should
+call me so) had come home from the Fleet. And so all the Crying, and
+Lord ha' Mercies, of the Wench and the Boy, were all subterfuges; and
+they knew very well, the sly rogues, that the Sea Captain would soon be
+to the Fore.
+
+Nothing would suit him after this but that we should have Supper at the
+King of Prussia's Head, in the Savoy, and, as I had given up my Lodgings
+as not Grand enough for me on the eve of my wedding, and the Vessel of
+which he was Commander was lying in the Pool, that we should have
+Beds--at his charges--at the same Tavern; and, indeed, your Seafaring
+Men, although rough enough, and smelling woundily of tar and
+bilge-water, are the most Hospitable Creatures breathing; and that makes
+Me so free with my Money when there is a treat afoot; albeit I can,
+without Vanity, declare myself Amphibious, for I have seen as much
+service by Sea as by Land, and have always approved myself a Gentleman
+of Courage, Honour, and Discretion, on both Elements.
+
+The next morning, after a Nip of Aquavitae, to clear the Cobwebs out of
+our throats, we went down to Billingsgate, where we saw my old humorous
+acquaintances, Brandy Sall, the fishwife, and the humorous porter, the
+Duke of Puddledock; likewise a merry Wag that did porterage work for the
+Fish Factors in the Market, and thereby seemed to have caught somewhat
+of the form of the fish beneath which his shoulders were continually
+groaning, so that all who could take that liberty with him called him
+Cod's Head and Shoulders. Here we breakfasted on new Oysters and Fried
+Flounders, with a lappet of Kippered Salmon, for Goodman Thirst's sake,
+and a rare bowl of hot Coffee, which made us relish a Jug of Punch
+afterwards in a highly jocund manner. And then we fell to conversation;
+and I, who had nothing to Conceal, and nothing to be Ashamed of, did
+recount those of my Adventures which I deemed would be most diverting
+(for I forbore to tell him those which were tedious and uneventful) to
+Captain Blokes. And he, not to be behindhand in frank confidence, told
+me how many years he had been at sea; how many merchant vessels he had
+commanded; and what Luck he had had in his divers Trading Adventures.
+Likewise, that he was now under engagement with some very worthy
+Merchants of Bristol, to man, equip, and command a vessel called the
+_Marquis_, which, in company with two others, the _Hope_ and the
+_Delight_, were about to undertake a Cruising Voyage round the World.
+Finding from my speech that I was not wholly unaccustomed to the Sea,
+and being made acquainted with what I had done in the West Indies and
+elsewhere, Captain Blokes was pleased to say that I was the very man for
+him, if I would join him. And at this time, in verity, it seemed as
+though nothing could suit me better; for my Resources were quite
+exhausted, and I was brought very Low. So, after some further parley,
+and a good Beefsteak and Onions, and a bottle of Portugee Wine for
+dinner, we went to the Scrivener's in Thames Street, by the name of
+Pritchett, that was Agent for the Company of Merchant Adventurers at
+Bristol; and an Agreement was drawn up, by which, for Fifty Shillings a
+month pay, all due rations and allowances, and a certain proportion of
+the profits to be divided among the Ship's Company at the termination of
+our Adventure, I bound myself to serve Captain Blokes as Secretary and
+Purser of the ship _Marquis_.
+
+"Which means," says he, when we had taken a Dram and shaken hands on
+signing articles, "that you are to Write, Fight, Drink, and keep
+Accompts, play put with me in the Cabin, assist me in preserving the
+Discipline of the Ship, sing a good song when you are called upon, help
+the Doctor to take care of the sick, and see that the Steward don't
+steal the Grog and Tobacco; and if you'll stick to me, by the Lord
+Harry, Billy Blokes will stick to you. I like you because you were such
+a d--d fool as to go and marry that old woman."
+
+The next day we took Coach at the Swan, by Paddington Church, for
+Bristol, and two days afterwards arrived at that great and flourishing
+Mercantile city. Nothing worthy of note on the road; the Highwaymen,
+that were wont to be so troublesome, being mostly put down, owing to
+Justice Fielding and De Vit's stringent measures. We were much beset
+with gangs of wild Irish coming over from their own country a-harvesting
+in our fertile fields; and those gentry were like to have bred a riot,
+quarrelling with the English husbandmen at Stow. Being at Bristol,
+comfortably housed at the Bible and Crown in Wine Street,--the landlord
+much given to swearing, but one of the best hands at making of Mum that
+ever I knew,--Captain Blokes had great work in settling business with
+the Company of Merchant Adventurers and Alderman Quarterbutt, their
+President. As it seems we were at war with the French and Spaniards, the
+_Marquis_ (burden about 320 tons) was to carry twenty-six guns and a
+complement of 108 men, letters of marque being granted to us by private
+Commission, with secret instruction as to Prizes and Plunder, so that
+the disposal of both should redound to the advantage of the Mariners,
+the Profit of our Employers, and the honour of His Majesty's arms. We
+had nigh double the usual complement of officers usual in private ships,
+to prevent Mutinies, which ofttimes happen in long voyages, and that we
+might have a large provision for a succession of officers in case of
+Mortality. In the _Marquis_ we had Captain Blokes, commander-in-chief of
+the whole Armament, a Mariner; a Second Captain, who was a Dr. of
+Physick, and also acted as President of our Committee (having much
+book-learning), and Commander of the Marines; two Leftenants; a Sailing
+Master; a Pilot that was well acquainted with the South Seas, having
+been in those latitudes twice before; a Surgeon and his Mate, or
+Loblolly Boy; Self as Secretary and Purser; two young lawyers, designed
+to act as Midshipmen; Giles Cash, as Reformado,--that was the title of
+courtesy given to those who were sent to sea in lieu of being hanged; a
+Gunner and his crew; a Boatswain, cooper, carpenter, sailmaker, smith,
+and armourer, ship's corporal, Sergeant of Marines, cook; a Negro that
+could shave and play the fiddle; and the Ship's company as aforesaid,
+one-third of whom were foreigners of every nation under the Sun; and of
+those that were His Majesty's subjects, many Tinkers, Tailors,
+Haymakers, Pedlars, &c.--a terribly mixed Gang, requiring much
+three-strand cord to keep 'em in order.
+
+On the 2nd August, 1748, we weighed from King's Road, by Bristol, and at
+ten at night, having very little wind, anchored between the Holms and
+Minehead. Coming on a fresh gale at S.E. and E.S.E., we ran by Minehead
+at six in the morning. Next day the wind veered to N.E. and E.N.E.; on
+the 4th there was but little wind, and smooth water; on the 5th we saw
+Land; and finding that we had overshot our port, which was Cork, came to
+an anchor at noon off the two rocks near Kinsale. At eight at night we
+weighed, having a Kinsale Pilot on board, who was like to have
+endangered our safety, the night being dark and foggy, and the Pilot not
+understanding his Business; so that he nearly turned us into the next
+Bay to the westward of Cork, which provoked Captain Blokes to chastise
+him publicly on the quarter-deck. Our two consorts got into Cork before
+us, and we did not anchor in the Cove until the 7th August, at three in
+the afternoon. We stayed here until the 28th of the month, getting in
+stores and provisions, and replacing as many of our tailors and
+haymakers as we could with real Sailors that could work the Ship. Our
+crew, however, were continually Marrying while we were at Cork, to the
+great Merriment of Self and Captain Blokes, who had seen enough and to
+spare of that Game; but they _would_ be Spliced, although they expected
+to sail immediately; among others, there was a Danish man coupled by a
+Romish Priest to an Irish woman, without understanding a word of each
+other's language, so that they were forced to use an Interpreter; yet I
+perceived this pair seemed more afflicted at separation than any of the
+rest. The Fellow continued melancholy for many days after we were at
+Sea. The rest, understanding each other and the world better, drank
+their cans of Flip till the very last Minute, concluded with a health to
+our good voyage and their next Happy Meeting, and then Departed, quite
+unconcerned.
+
+We took sailing orders on the 1st of September; and then Captain Blokes
+discovered to the crew whither we were bound,--that is to say, on a four
+years' voyage,--in order that, if any Disorders should arise among us,
+we might exchange our Malcontents while in company with one of His
+Majesty's ships. But no complaint was found on board the _Marquis_,
+except from one fellow who was expected to have been Tithing man that
+year in his Parish, and said his wife would be obliged to pay Forty
+shillings in his absence; but seeing all hands satisfied, he was easily
+quieted, and drank with the rest to a prosperous voyage. On the 2nd
+September we, having cleaned and tallowed our ship's five streaks below
+the Water-line, the fiddler struck up "Lumps o' Pudding," and to follow
+that "Cold and Raw," the Ship's company joining chorus with a will, and
+so fell down to the Spit End by the _Culloden_ Man of War, as our two
+Consorts had done the Night before. When we came to the Spit End,
+Captain Blokes saluted the _Culloden_ with seven Guns, to which they
+returned Five in courtesy, and then we again Three for thanks. And so
+commenced my Journey round the World.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE SECOND.
+
+MERCATOR HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT.
+
+
+MEANING simply this, that I have often and often, as a little Lad, gazed
+upon the Great Map--very yellow, and shiny, and cracked on its canvas
+mounting it was--of the World, upon Mercator's Projection, and devoutly
+longed for the day to arrive when it might be my fortune to make a
+Voyage of Circumnavigation. Such a Map, I remember, hung in the
+Schoolroom at Gnawbit's; and I have often been cruelly beaten for gazing
+at it and pondering over it, instead of endeavouring to commit to memory
+a quantity of Words, the meaning of which I could not for the life of me
+understand.
+
+Now, indeed, I had got my Desire, and was going round the World in a
+Ship well found with Men and Stores, occupying myself a responsible
+position, and one giving me some Authority, and enjoying the full
+Confidence of my Commander, who was, both when sober and inebriated (and
+he was mostly the latter), one of the most sagacious men I ever knew. He
+spoke seldom, and then generally with a Hiccup; but what he said was
+always to the Purpose. I doubt not, if Captain Blokes had been in the
+Royal Navy, he would by this time be flying his pendant as Admiral.
+
+'Twould fill a volume to give you a Narrative, however brief, of our
+Voyage. One does not go round the World quite so easily as a Cit taking
+a Wherry from Lambeth Walk to Chelsea Reach. No, no, my Masters; there
+are Perils to encounter, Obstacles to overcome, Difficulties to
+surmount; and I flatter myself that Jack Dangerous was not found wanting
+when a Stout Heart, a Strong Hand, and a Clear Head were needed. I
+repeat that 'tis impossible for me to give you an exact Log of so
+lengthy a Cruise; and you must needs be content if I set down a few
+bare Items of the most notable Things that befell us.
+
+On 11th September we chased a strange Sail, and after three hours came
+up with her. She proved to be a Swedishman. After firing a couple of
+shots at full Random at her, to show that we meant Mischief if provoked,
+and one of which Shots, I believe, passed over her Taffrail, and killed
+a Black Servant and the Captain's Monkey, Captain Blokes boarded her in
+his Yall; examined the Master, and searched the Ship for Contraband of
+War; but not finding any save a suspicious quantity of salted Reindeer's
+Tongues, our Committee agreed that she could not be considered a lawful
+Prize; and not being willing to hinder time by carrying her into any
+Harbour for further Examination, we let her go without the least
+Embezzlement. The Master gave us a dozen of his Reindeer Tongues, and a
+piece of dry Rufft Beef; and we presented him with a dozen bottles of
+Red-streak Cider. But while Captain Blokes and the Doctor of Physic and
+Self were aboard the Swede taking a social Glass with him, our rascally
+crew took it into their heads to Mutiny, their Grievance being that the
+vessel was a Contraband, and ought to be made a Prize of. The plain
+truth was, that the Rogues thirsted for Plunder. The Boatswain was one
+of the Mutineers. Him we caused to receive Four Dozen from the hands of
+his own Mates, and well laid on; about a dozen of the rest we put in
+Irons, after having Drubbed 'em soundly, and fed 'em upon
+Bread-and-Water; but at the end of a few days they begged Pardon, and,
+on promising Amendment, were allowed to return to their Duty.
+
+18th September we came in sight of Pico Teneriffe, bearing S.W. by W.,
+distant about eight leagues. This day we spied a Sail under our Lee Bow,
+between the Islands of Grand Canaries and Forteventura. She showed us a
+clean Pair of Heels; but we gave Chase, and after seven hours came up
+with her. She proved a Prize, safe enough: a Spanish Bark, about 25
+tons, with some 45 Passengers, who rejoiced much when they found we
+were English, having fancied that we were Turks or Sallee Rovers.
+Amongst our Prisoners were four Friars, and with them the Padre Guardian
+of Forteventura, a good, honest old fellow, fat, and given to jollity.
+Him we made heartily merry, drinking the Spanish King's Health, for
+naught else would he Toast. After we had made all Snug, we stood to the
+Westward with our Prize to Teneriffe, to have her ransomed, that is to
+say, her Hull; for her Cargo was not worth redeeming, being extremely
+shabby,--one or two Butts of Wine, a Hogshead of Brandy, and other small
+matters, which we determined to keep for our own use. The Spanish Dons
+made a mighty pother about paying, pleading that the Trade of these
+Islands enjoyed an immunity from Privateering by arrangement between his
+Catholic Majesty and the King of Great Britain, and were even seconded
+by some English merchants of Teneriffe that were frightened at the
+thought of the cruel Reprisals the Dons might exercise after we went
+away, both on their Persons and Properties; for Jack Spaniard is one
+that, if he cannot have Meal, will have Malt. But we soon let 'em know
+that Possession was Nine Points of the Law, and that we were resolved to
+stick to our Prize unless we got Ransom, which they presently agreed to.
+At eight o'clock the next morning we stood into the Port, close to the
+Town, and spied a Boat coming off, which proved to be the Deputy
+Governor, a Spanish Don with as many names as an English pickpocket has
+Aliases, and one Mr. Harbottle, that was English Vice-Consul. They
+brought us Wine, Figs, Grapes, Hogs, and other Necessaries, as Ransom in
+Kind for the Bark; and accordingly we restored her, as also the
+Prisoners, with as much as we could find of what belonged to their
+Persons; although, Truth to tell, some of our wild Reformadoes had used
+them somewhat unhandsomely. All the Books, Crucifixes, Reliques, and
+other superstitious things, we carefully gave back to the Friars; to the
+Padre a large Cheese, at which he was much delighted; and to another
+Religious, who had been stripped nearly as bare as a Robin, a pair of
+Breeches and a Red Nightcap. And so stood off, giving Three Cheers for
+King George, and one, with better luck next time, for the King of Spain;
+and I doubt not that they cursed us heartily that same night in their
+Churches, for Heretics. Now we had an indifferent good stock of Liquor,
+to be the better able to endure the Cold when we got to the length of
+Cape Horn, which, we were informed, had always very Cold Weather near
+it.
+
+On the 25th, according to custom, we Ducked those that had never passed
+the Tropic before. The manner of doing it was to reeve a Rope in the
+Mainyard, to hoist 'em about half-way up to the Yard, and let 'em fall
+at once into the Water; they being comfortably Trussed by having a Stick
+'cross through their Legs, and well fastened to the Rope, that they
+might not be surprised and let go their Hold. This proved of great use
+to our Fresh-water Sailors, to recover the Colour of their Skins, which
+had grown very Black and Nasty. Those that we Ducked in this manner
+Three Times were about 60; and others that would not undergo it could
+redeem themselves by a Fine of Half-a-Crown, to be Levied and Spent at a
+Public Meeting of all the Ships' Companies when we returned to England.
+The Dutchmen we had on board, and some few English, desired to be
+Ducked, some six, others eight and ten times, to have the better title
+for being Treated when they came home.
+
+On the 1st October we made St. Vincent, where our Water began to smell
+insufferably; so had some Coopers from the _Hope_ and _Delight_ to make
+us Casks, and take in a fresh Stock.
+
+On the 3d we sent a boat to St. Antonio, with one of our Gunners' Crew
+that was a very fair Linguist, to get Truck for our Prize Goods what we
+wanted; they having plenty of Cattle, Pigs, Goats, Fowls, Melons,
+Potatoes, Limes, and ordinary Brandies, Tobacco, Indian Corn, &c. Our
+people were very meanly stocked with Clothes; yet we were forced to
+watch our men very narrowly, and Punish some of 'em smartly, to prevent
+their selling what Garments they had, for mere Trifles, to the Negroes.
+
+We got all we wanted by the 8th; but our Linguist gave us leg-bail; and
+as he was much given to telling of Lies, we did not go to the pains of
+sending a party of Marines on shore after him. This is the place whither
+the Blacks come from St. Nicholas to make Oil of Turtle for the
+anointing of their Nasty Bodies withal. There was much good Green Turtle
+at this time of the year, which made me think of my old Jamaica days;
+but our men, in a body, refused to eat it, much preferring Salt Junk.
+
+_Item._--Many Flying Fish about here.
+
+Nothing more worthy of note till the 22d October, when Mr. Page, Second
+Mate, made an attack on his superior officer, the Doctor of Physic, with
+a Marline-spike; and, but for a very large Periwig he wore, which was
+accounted odd in one having a Maritime Command, would have finished him.
+Mr. Page was had to the Forecastle and clapped in the Bilboes, and
+Captain Blokes was for Hanging him off-hand as an Example to the rest;
+but I, as Secretary, pointed out to him that there was no Power of Life
+and Death in our Instructions, and that it would be folly to run the
+risk of a Praemunire when we made Home again. With much trouble I
+succeeded in dissuading him from his Design: so that the Mate was only
+lashed to the Main-gears and soundly Drubbed. Fair, pleasant Weather,
+and a fresh Gale. One that had secreted a Peruke, and a pair of scarlet
+Stockings with silver Clocks, out of the plunder of the Spanish Bark,
+did also receive Rib-roasting enough (this was on a Sunday, after
+Prayers) to last him for a fortnight.
+
+On the 10th of November, after a terrific Tornado and Thunder and
+Lightning, that frightened some of our Tailors and Haymakers half into
+Fits, we came to an Anchor in 22-fathom water, in a sandy bay off the
+land of Brazil. Caught some Tortoises for their Shells, for they have
+too strong a taste to be Eatable. A Portugee boat came from a Cove in
+the Island of Grande, on our Starboard side, and said they had been
+robbed by the French not long since. Captain Blokes, the Doctor, and
+Self went ashore to Angre de Keys, as it is called in Sea-Draughts; but,
+as the Portugee call it, Nostra Senora de la Concepcion, a small village
+about three leagues distant, to wait on the Governor, and make him a
+present of Butter and Cheese. As we neared the shore, the People, taking
+us for Mounseers, fired a few Musquetoons at us, which did us no Hurt;
+and when they found out who we were, they very Humbly Begged our Pardon.
+The Friars invited us to their Convent, and told us they had been so
+often stripped and abused by King Lewis's frog-eating Subjects, that
+they were obliged to take measures to Defend themselves; and, indeed,
+'twas these said Padres who had fired at us. The Governor was gone to
+Rio Janeiro, a city about twelve leagues distant, but was expected back
+next day. We got our empty Casks ashore, and sent our Carpenter, with a
+friendly Portugee, to look out Wood for Trustle-trees, both our Main and
+Fore being broke; but the Weather was so Wet and violent Sultry, that
+we could do nothing. Here are abundant Graves of Dead Men; and the
+Portugees told us that two great French ships, homeward bound from the
+South Seas, that Watered in this same place about nine months before,
+had buried nearly Half their men here; but 'twas at the Sickly season,
+and the French have a marvellous foul way of Living. The people very
+Civil; and we offered 'em handsome Gratuities if they would catch such
+of our men as might run away, which they promised to do most Cheerfully.
+
+Hearing of a Brigantine (this was some days afterwards) at the entrance
+of the Bay of Grande, we sent our Pinnace manned and armed to know all
+about her. She turned out to be a Portugee laden with Negroes, poor
+Creatures! for the Gold-mines. Our boat returned, and brought as
+presents a Roove of Fine Sugar and a Pot of Sweetmeats from the Master,
+who spoke a little English, and had formerly sailed with 'em. The
+Portugees are cautious in saying how far it is to the Gold-mines; but, I
+believe, the distance by water is not great; and there is certainly
+abundance of Gold in the country. The French took about 1200_l._ worth
+out of their boats last autumn at one Haul, which makes the Portugees
+hate 'em so. Some of 'em brought us a Monstrous Creature which they had
+killed, having Prickles or Quills like a Hedgehog, and the head and tail
+of a Monkey. It stank abominably, which the Portugees said was only the
+Skin, and that the Meat of it was very Delicious, and often used for the
+table; but our men not being yet on Short Commons, none of 'em had
+Stomach enough to try the Experiment, so that we were forced to throw it
+overboard to make a Sweet Ship. Our people could now hardly go ashore
+without being frightened, as they thought, by Tigers, and holloaing to
+be taken aboard again; but there was nothing more dangerous hereabouts
+than Apes and Baboons.
+
+Twenty-seventh November was a grand Festival at Angre de Keys, in honour
+of one of their Saints. We, and most of our officers from the _Hope_ and
+the _Delight_, went ashore and were received by the Governor, Signor
+Raphael da Silva Lagos, with much civility. He asked if we would see the
+Convent and Procession; and on our telling him our Religion differed
+very much from his, answered that we were willing to see it without
+partaking in the Ceremony. We waited on him in a Body, being ten of us,
+with two Trumpets and Hautboys, which he desired might play us to
+Church, where our Music did the office of an Organ, but separate from
+the Singing, which was very well chanted by the Padres. Our Trumpets and
+Hautboys played "Hey Boys, up go we!" and all manner of paltry noisy
+tunes; and, after service, the Musicians, who were by this time more
+than half-drunk, marched at the head of the Company: next to them an old
+Padre and two Friars, carrying Lamps of Incense. Then the Image of the
+Saint, as Fine as a Milkmaid's Garland, borne on a Bier, all spangled,
+on the shoulders of four men, and bedizened out with Flowers,
+Wax-candles, &c. After these, the Padre Guardian of the Convent, and
+about forty Priests in their full Habits. Next came the Governor;
+Captain Blokes, in a blue Navy Coat laced with Gold, a pair of
+scarlet-velvet Breeches, and a Military Hat; and the rest of the English
+officers in their very best Apparel. I was fit to die a-laughing, and
+whispered to our Doctor of Physic, that had I known I was fated to walk
+in such a Procession, I would never have sold my old Tower Warder's
+slashed doublet to the Frippery Man in Monmouth Street, but would have
+brought it round the World with me to wear at this Outlandish place.
+Each of us had, moreover, in Compliment to his Saintship, a long Candle,
+lighted, in his hand; the which gave us great Diversion, flaring the
+tapers about, and seeking to smoke one another. The Ceremony held about
+two hours, after which we were splendidly entertained at the Convent,
+and then by the Governor at the Guard-house, his own habitation being
+about three leagues off. It is to be noted, they Kneeled at every
+Crossway, and turning, walked round the Convent, and came in at another
+door, bowing down and paying their devotion to the Images and the
+Wax-candles, with the like superstitious observances. They unanimously
+told us, however, that they expected nothing from us but our Company;
+and, beyond the Trumpets and Hautboys, and a jolly Song or two from us,
+they had no more. Many Sharks were in the Road, that keep the Negro
+Slaves in good order, should they, poor Black Fellows, attempt Escape to
+any foreign ship by swimming to her. But the Portugees are not very hard
+with their Negroes, save up at the Gold-mines, where Mercy is quite
+unknown. _Aqua d'oro_ may be a very good Eye-water; but, sure, there's
+nothing like it for hardening of the Heart.
+
+On the 28th of this Month we bade farewell to our kind friends of Angre
+de Keys. Just before sailing we sent a Boat to the town for more
+Necessaries, and brought off some Gentlemen, whom we treated to the very
+best we could. They were very glorious, and in their Cups proposed the
+Pope's Health to us; but we were quits with 'em by toasting that of the
+Archbishop of Canterbury; and, to keep up the humour, we also proposed
+Martin Luther: but this fell flat, as they had never Heard of him;
+whereas that of his Grace at Lambeth turned out rather against us than
+for us; for they cried out that they knew him very well, and that he was
+a Catholic Saint, under the style and title of San Tomaso de Cantorberi.
+
+December 1st, we weighed with a breeze at N.E.; but later came on a gale
+S.S.W., forcing us to anchor close under the Island of Grande. About 10
+next morning we weighed again, and bore away and steered away S.W. Now
+the product of Brazil is well known to be Red Wood, Sugars, Gold,
+Tobaccos (of every kind, and very choice), Whale Oil, Snuff, and several
+sorts of Drugs. The Portugees build their best ships here. The people
+very Martial; and 'tis but a few years since they would be under no
+Government, but have now submitted to the House of Braganza, which makes
+a Pretty Penny out of them. Their Customs are very nasty; their Houses
+marvellously foul; and they are for ever smoking of Tobacco; but the
+Portugees are still a very friendly folk, cordial to us English,
+although they call us Heretics, and, but for their great love for
+roasting Jews, very tender-hearted. I like them much better than those
+Proud Paupers the Spaniards. A Beggar on Horseback is bad enough; but
+Goodness deliver us from a Beggar on an Andalusian Jackass!
+
+_Memorandum._--Brazil discovered by the famous Americus Vespucius, that
+came after Captain Christopher Colomb.
+
+Nothing remarkable happened until December 6th, when we had close cloudy
+Weather, with Showers; and, after that, some pretty sharp Gales. On the
+15th the colour of the water changed; and we sounded, but had no ground.
+On the 18th one of the _Hope's_ men fell out of the Mizen-top on the
+Quarter-deck, and broke his Skull; so that he died, and was buried next
+day. A brisk fellow, that, from his merry ways, used to be called
+Brimstone Jemmy. After this, cold airy weather, and numbers of
+Porpoises, black on their backs and fins, with sharp white Noses. They
+often leaped high up in the water, showing their white bellies. Also, a
+plenty of seals. December 23d we saw Land, appearing first in three, and
+afterwards in several Islands. The Wind being westerly, and blowing
+fresh, we could not weather it, but were forced to bear away and run
+along Shore from three to four leagues distant. This we saw first was
+Falkland's Land, described in few Draughts, and none lay it down right,
+though the Latitude agrees pretty well. December 25th saw Land again;
+but could not get near enough to see whether it was inhabited; in truth
+we were too much in a hurry to think of making Discoveries; for at four
+in the Afternoon we sighted a Sail under our Lee-bow, gave chase, and
+got ground of her apace till Night came on. In the Morning we saw
+nothing, it being thick hazy Weather; then, as ill luck would have it,
+it fell Calm, and having nothing else to do we Piped all hands to
+Punishment, and gave the Cook three dozen for burning Captain Blokes'
+burgoo. Then Grog served out, and we took an Observation. Lat. 52.40.
+
+We kept on rowing and towing with Sweeps, and our Boats ahead, until
+about six in the Evening; and the Chase appearing to be a large ship, we
+sent Boats aboard our Consorts, and agreed to engage her. A fine breeze
+sprang up, and we got in our Sweeps and Boats, making all possible sail;
+it came on thick again; but we kept her open on the Larboard, and the
+_Hope_ and _Delight_ on the Starboard bow, and it being now Short
+Nights, we thought it impossible to lose one another. But the Master
+persuaded our Commander to shorten sail, saying that we should lose our
+Consorts if we kept on. Another Fog, and be hanged to it; but the next
+morning the Yellow Curtain was lifted up, and we saw the Chase about
+four miles ahead, which gave us a new Life. We ran at a great Rate, it
+being smooth water; but it coming on to blow more and more, the Chase
+outbore our Consorts, and being to windward she gave off, and then came
+down very melancholy to us, supposing her to be a French Homeward-bound
+Ship from the South Seas. Thus, this Ship escaped; and left us all, from
+the Commander to the Cabin-boys (who had a hard time of it that night,
+you may be sure), in the most doleful Dumps.
+
+Strong gales to the 1st of January. This being New-Year's Day, every
+officer was wished a Merry New Year by our Trumpets and Hautboys; and we
+had a large tub of Punch, hot, upon the Quarter-deck, where every man in
+the Ship had above a Pint to his share, and drank to our Owners' and
+Friends' healths in Great Britain, to a Happy New Year, a good Voyage,
+plenty of Plunder (Wo is me for that Homeward-bound Frenchman from the
+Southern Seas!), and a Safe Return. And then we bore down on our
+Consorts and gave them three Huzzas, wishing them the like.
+
+Now, it being very raw cold Weather, we very much dreaded scudding upon
+Ice; so we fired Guns as Signals for the _Hope_ and _Delight_ to bring
+to, and on the 5th of January brought ourselves to, under the same
+reefed Topsails. We feared at one time, from our Consorts having an
+Ensign in their Maintopmast shrouds, as a Signal of Distress, that they
+had sprung their Mainmast; so we made the Large again, our Ship working
+very well in a mighty great sea. When we were able to get within Hail of
+our Consorts, we asked them how they did, and how they had come to hoist
+the Wretched Rag. They answered, Pretty well, but that they had shipped
+a great deal of Water in lying by, and being forced to put before the
+wind, the Sea had broke in at the Cabin Windows, filling the Steerage
+and Waist, and was like to have spoiled several Men; but, Heaven be
+thanked! all else was indifferent well with 'em; only it was intolerably
+Cold, and everything Wet. Captain Blokes sent me on board the _Delight_
+in our Yall, and I found them in a very disorderly Pickle, with all
+their Clothes a-drying: the Ship and Rigging covered with 'em from the
+Deck to the Maintop. They got six of their Guns into the Hold, to make
+the Ship lively.
+
+Aboard the _Marquis_ died, on the 8th, John Veale, a Landsman, having
+lain ill a Fortnight, and had a Swelling in the Legs ever since he left
+the Island of Grande. At nine at night we buried him; and this was the
+first we had lost by Sickness since we left England. Until the 15th,
+cloudy Weather with Squalls of Rain, and fresh Gales at S.W. We now
+accounted ourselves round Cape Horn, and so in the South Seas. The
+French ships that first came to trade in these seas were wont to come
+through the Straits of Magellan; but Experience has taught 'em since,
+that this is the best Passage to go round the Horn, where they have Sea
+Room enow, without being crushed and crowded as at a Ranelagh
+Masquerade; and the Straits are in many places very narrow, with strong
+Tides and no Anchor Ground.
+
+On the 31st of January, at seven in the Morning, we made the Island of
+Juan Fernandez, bearing W.S.W., and about two in the Afternoon we
+hoisted our Pinnace out, and essayed to send one of our Lieutenants
+ashore, though we could not be less than four leagues off. As soon as it
+was Dark our men cried out that they saw a Light ashore; our Boat was
+then about a mile from the Shore, and bore away for the Ship on our
+firing a Quarter-deck Gun, and several Muskets, showing Lanterns in our
+Mizen and Foreshrouds, that the Pinnace might find us again, whilst we
+plied to the lee of the Island. About two in the Morning she came
+aboard, all safe. Next day we sent our Yall ashore about noon with the
+Master and Six Men, all well Armed; meanwhile we cleared all ready for
+Action on board the _Marquis_. Our Boat did not return, so we sent our
+Pinnace with the Crew, likewise Armed: for we were afraid that the
+Spaniards might have had a Garrison there, and so seized 'em. However,
+the Pinnace returned, and brought abundance of Crawfish, but found
+nothing human; so that the alarm about the Light must have been a mere
+superstition of the Ship's Company.
+
+_It was at this same Island of Juan Fernandez, in the year of our Lord
+1708-9, that Captain Woodes Rogers, commanding the "Duke" Frigate, and
+with whom also Captain Dampier, that famous Circumnavigator, sailed,
+found a Man clothed in Goatskins, who looked wilder than they who had
+been the first owners of 'em. He had been on the Island four years and
+four months, being left there by Captain Stradling in the "Cinque
+Ports;" his name was_ ALEXANDER SELKIRK, _a Scottish man, who had been
+Sailing Master to the "Cinque Ports;" but quarrelling with the
+Commander, was by him accused of Mutiny, and so Abandoned on this
+Uninhabited Island. During his stay he saw several Ships pass by, but
+only two came to an Anchor. As he went to view 'em he found they were
+Spaniards, and so retired, upon which they Shot at him. Had they been
+French, he would have submitted; but chose to risk his dying alone on
+the Island rather than fall into the hands of the Spaniards, because he
+apprehended they would Murder him, or make a Slave of him in the Mines;
+for he feared they would spare no Stranger that might be capable of
+Discovering the South Sea. He had with him when left his Clothes and
+Bedding, with a Firelock, some Powder, Bullets, and Tobacco, a Hatchet,
+a Knife, a Kettle, a Bible, some practical Pieces, and some Mathematical
+Instruments and Books. During the first eight months of his stay he
+suffered much from Melancholy and Terror; but afterwards got on pretty
+well. He built two Huts with Pimento Wood, which he also burnt for Fuel
+and Candle; and which, besides, refreshed him with its fragrant smell.
+He had grown very Pious in his Retreat, and was much given to singing of
+Psalms, having before led a very naughty life. Being a very good sailor,
+Captain Woodes Rogers took him away with him as Second Mate. He told 'em
+that he had been at first much pestered with Cats and Rats, the latter
+of which gnawed his feet and clothes, so that he was obliged to cherish
+the Cats with Goat's-flesh, and they grew so familiar with him as to lie
+about him in hundreds. But I cannot stay to recount half the wonderful
+Adventures of Mr. Selkirk. I knew him afterwards, a very old Man,
+lodging with one Mrs. Branbody, that kept a Chandler's Shop over against
+the Jews' Harp Tavern at Stepney. He was wont bitterly to complain that
+the Manuscript in which he had written down an Account of his Life at
+Juan Fernandez had been cozened out of him by some crafty Booksellers;
+and that a Paraphrase, or rather Burlesque, of it, in a most garbled and
+mutilated form, had been printed as a Children's Story-book, under the
+name of_ ROBINSON CRUSOE. _This was done by one Mr. Daniel Foe, a
+Newswriter, who, in my Youth, stood in the Pillory by Temple Bar, for a
+sedition in some plaguey Church-matters. But it is fitting to let these
+Gentry know that they have Ears, lest they become too Saucy._
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE THIRD.
+
+THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO EUROPE.
+
+
+NOW, being got away from Juan Fernandez, did an unconquerable Greed and
+Longing for Prize and Plunder come over us; and did we sweep the Horizon
+hour after hour as long as it was Light, in hope of satisfaction to our
+long-deferred Hope. March 2d we sighted Land, and a vast high ridge of
+Mountains they call the Cordilleras, and are in the Country of Chili.
+Some parts are, I believe, full as high, if not higher, than the Pico of
+Teneriffe, and the tops of all of 'em covered with Snow. This day we
+came to an allowance of Three Pints of Water a day for each man; judging
+it best to be Economical, although we had a good stock of water aboard
+(taken in at Juan Fernandez); but Captain Blokes' reason was, to be able
+to keep at Sea for some time longer, and take some Prizes to keep the
+Deuce out of our pockets, without being discovered by Watering; for our
+South-Sea Pilot told us that the timorous people of these Latitudes once
+smelling an Enemy hovering about, will put to sea with nothing of value
+from one end of the Coast to the other. Much baffled by several white
+Rocks that looked like Ships, and Captain Blokes much incensed at
+continual Disappointments, takes to making the Cabin-boy weary of his
+life; and after drubbing him with a Rope's end three times doubled, was
+for sousing him in the Pickle-tub; but I dissuaded him (remembering the
+Torments I had myself endured as a Moose; and even now when I think of
+'em I am Afraid, and Trembling takes hold of my Flesh), and so no more
+was Done to him, beyond a Threat that he should be Keel-hauled next
+time; although the poor lad had in no way misbehaved himself. We got the
+two Pinnaces into the water, to try 'em under sail, having fixed each
+of 'em with a Gun, after the manner of a Patterero, to be useful as
+small Privateers, hoping they'd be serviceable to us in little winds to
+take vessels. March 15th, Land again, and we supposed it was Lobos; and
+sure enough, on the 17th, we got well unto anchor off that Island, but
+found nobody at the place. On the 19th we determined to fit out our
+small Bark for a Privateer, and launched her into blue water, under the
+name of the _Beginning_. To his great pride and delight, Captain Blokes
+appointed the Doctor of Physic to command her. She was well built for
+sailing, so she was had round to a small Cove in the Southernmost part
+of Lobos. A small Spar out of the _Marquis_ made a Mainmast for her, and
+one of our Mizen Topsails was altered to make her a Mainsail. March
+21st, All being ready, and the _Beginning_ christened by Captain Blokes
+emptying a Bowl of hot Punch over her bow, she was victualled from the
+general store; and the Doctor of Physic, who, for all his Degree,
+claimed to be a good Mariner, took possession of his high and important
+command. Twenty men from our ship, and ten from our Consorts, were put
+aboard her, all well Armed. We saw her out of the Harbour, and she
+looked very pretty, having all Masts, Sails, Rigging, and Materials,
+like one of those Half Galleys fitted out for his Majesty's Service in
+England. They gave our Ship's Company three Huzzas, and we returned them
+the like at parting. We told the Captain-Doctor that if we were forced
+out of the Road, or gave chase hence, we would leave a Glass Bottle,
+buried under a remarkable Great Stone agreed upon, with Letters in it,
+to give an Account of how it was with us at the moment of our Departure,
+and where to meet again. And he was to do the like. When the _Beginning_
+was gone we fell to and scrubbed Ship, getting abundance of Barnacles
+off her much bigger than Mussels. Seals numerous, but not so many as at
+Juan Fernandez. A large one seized upon a fat Dutchman that belonged to
+us, and had like to have pulled him into the water, biting him to the
+bone about the arms and legs. This Hollander was henceforth known as
+the Lord Chancellor, having been so very near the Great Seal. After
+barnacling, we gave the _Marquis_ a good Keel, and Tallowed her low
+down. Another Dutchman we had died of the Scurvy. His Messmates said
+that it was because we had no more Cheese aboard, and that we could not
+catch Red Herrings by angling for them in Blue Water.
+
+March 28th. The little _Beginning_ came in with a Prize, called the
+_Santa Josepha_, bound from Guayaquil to Truxillo, 50 tons burden, full
+of Timber, with some Cocoa-nuts and Tobacco. A very paltry Spoil. There
+were about twelve Spaniards aboard, who told us (after some little
+Persuasion, in the way of Drubbing) that the Widow of the late Viceroy
+of Peru would shortly embark at Acapulco, with her Family and Riches,
+and stop at Payta to Refresh; and that about eight months ago there was
+a Galleon with 200,000 pieces of Eight on board, that passed Payta on
+her way to Acapulco. They continued, however, to Lie and Contradict
+themselves when questioned; and so (as they howled most dismally on deck
+while under Punishment) they were had down to the Cockpit, where the
+Boatswain and his Mates had their Will of them, and I don't know what
+became of them afterwards. These Spanish Prisoners give a great deal of
+Trouble.
+
+April 2d. The Superstitious among us were heartily frightened at the
+Colour of the Water, which for several miles looked as Red as any Blood.
+Some fellows among the crew that were of a Preaching Turn, gave out that
+this unusual appearance was an Omen, or Warning to us of Judgments
+coming for what had been done to the Spanish Prisoners (in the which
+Duresse I declare I had no hand; 'twas all done by Captain Blokes'
+orders, and 'tis very likely that the Boatswain, who was a Rough Fellow,
+very ignorant, exceeded his instructions). It was explained, however,
+that this Sanguinary Hue in the water was a perfectly natural
+appearance, caused by the Spawn of Fish; and two or three of the
+preaching fellows being had to the Maingears and well Drubbed, Grog was
+served out to the rest, and an Alarm, which might have bred a Mutiny,
+soon subsided.
+
+But huzza! on the 5th of April we had things more substantial to think
+of than Red Seawater; for we took, after a very slight Resistance, a
+Ship called the _Ascension_, built Galleon-fashion, very high, with
+Galleries, Burden between 400 and 500 tons, and two Brothers Commanders,
+both Dons of families that were Grandees 500 years before Adam was born,
+and of course with five-and-twenty Christian Names apiece. She had a
+number of Passengers and some fifty Negroes; but the former being
+persons of Condition, far above the Common Sort, and not poor Coasting
+people, such as were those in the Timber Bark, we used 'em handsomely.
+They, without any such persuasion as was employed to their forerunners,
+told us that the Bishop of Chokeaqua, a place far up the Country in the
+South Parts of Peru, was to have come from Panama in this vessel for
+Lima, but would stop at Payta to Recruit. Being near that place, we
+resolved to Watch narrowly, in order to catch his Lordship.
+
+Now to the Norrard, and on the 10th of April we were off the Hummocks
+they call the Saddle of Payta; and being very Calm, we held a
+Court-Martial on one of our Midshipmen who had threatened to shoot one
+of our men when at Lobos, merely for refusing to carry some Crows that
+he had shot. The Court was held in Captain Blokes' Cabin, and consisted
+of the Commander, Self, First-Lieutenant, assisted in our deliberations
+by sundry Pipes of Tobacco and a great Jug of Punch. Found Guilty.
+Sentenced to be Degraded before the Mast, to have his Grog stopped for a
+Fortnight, and to receive Four Dozen at the Gun (for he being a kind of
+Officer, we did not wish to Humiliate him on deck). Half of his
+Punishment he endured with more doleful Squalling than ever I heard from
+a Penitent in my Life, although the Boatswain was very tender with him,
+and three Tails of the Cat were tied up. He begged pardon, and so
+Captain Blokes remitted him the rest of his Punishment. This Midshipman
+was one who sang a very good Song; and so a Cushion being brought to
+Ease him, we finished the Evening and the Punch jovially enough, he
+being before the end in high favour with the Commander, and promised his
+Rating back again.
+
+April 15th. The Officers of all three Ships met on board the _Marquis_,
+and the Committee came to a Resolution to attack Guayaquil at once. The
+Bark we had called the _Beginning_ by this time had come back to us,
+having begun nothing and found nothing, since its first prize, except a
+great Sea Lubber, some kind of Monster that the Doctor of Physic had
+caught and wanted to preserve in Rum, to make a Present of to the Royal
+Society when we came Home; but we forbade his wasting good Liquor for so
+unworthy an end, and the Monster, smelling intolerably, was thrown
+overboard. 'Twould have caused me no great sorrow to see the Doctor
+follow his Prodigy, for he was a very uncomfortable Person, and was
+much given to cheating at Cards.
+
+April 20th. To our Boats off Guayaquil, a Great Company of Men and
+Officers all armed to the teeth. We rowed till 12 at night, when we saw
+Lights, which we judged to be a place called Puna. It blew fresh, with a
+small rolling Sea, the Boat I commanded being deep laden and crammed
+with men; some of us say they would rather be in a Storm at Sea than
+here; but, in regard we were about a charming Undertaking, we thought no
+Fatigue too hard. At daybreak we saw a Bark above us in the River; and,
+running down upon her, found it was a large Pinnace, full of the most
+considerable Inhabitants of Puna, escaping towards Guayaquil. Here were
+at least a dozen handsome genteel young Women, extremely well dressed,
+and from them our men got some fine Gold Chains and Earrings. Some of
+these Nicknacks were concealed about 'em; but the Gentlewomen in these
+parts being very thinly dressed in Silk and Fine Linen, they could hide
+but little, and our Linguist was bidden to advise them to be Wise in
+Time, and surrender their Valuables, which they did. And so civil were
+our Sailors to them, that they offered to dress some Victuals for us
+when we got 'em aboard; which made us hope that the Fair Sex would be
+kind to us when we returned to England, for our discreet behaviour to
+these charming Prisoners.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+I am afraid that during the Attack on Guayaquil, which took place the
+next day, and continued for the three following ones, when the place
+Capitulated to our force, and a Treaty was signed between our Commanders
+and the Governor and Corregidor of Guayaquil, sundry proceedings took
+place that would not very well have squared with the public ideas of
+what is due to the Fair Sex just treated of; but I declare that I had
+neither Art nor Part in them, and that I am entirely Free from any
+Responsibility that Censure might cast on the Authors of Cruel
+Disturbances; for early in the Attack I was hit by a Musket-ball in the
+chest, and borne senseless to our Boats. That I did my Duty bravely, my
+Commander was good enough to say, and the whole Ship's Company to admit.
+I was carried away to the _Marquis_, and for a long time lay between
+Hawk and Buzzard; for a smart Fever came about the third day, like
+Burgundy wine after Sherris, and I was for awhile quite off my head and
+Raving about Old Times;--about Captain Night and the Blacks, and Maum
+Buckey and her Negro Washerwomen, and my Campaign against the Maroons,
+and some Other Things that had befallen me during those fifteen years
+which I have chosen to leave a Blank in my life, and which I scorn to
+deny did--some of them--lie heavy on my Conscience. All these were mixed
+up with the old Gentleman at Gnawbit's, and my Lord Lovat with his head
+off, and my Grandmother in Hanover Square; so that I doubt whether those
+who tended me knew what to make of me. There was some difficulty too as
+to medical attendance, for we had cashiered our Surgeon--that is to
+say, he had run away at Grande in the Brazils, to marry a brown
+Portugee woman; and the Doctor of Physic he was all for Herbal
+Treatment, demanding Succory, Agrimony, Asarabacca, Knights-pound-wort,
+Cuckoo-point, Hulver-bush, with Alehoof, and other things not to be
+found in this part of the World. And Captain Blokes said that he knew
+nothing half so good for a Gunshot Wound as cold Rum-and-Water; and
+between the two I had like to have died, but all were very kind to me,
+even to extracting the Ball with a Pair of Snuffers; and a great clumsy
+thing the said missile was, being, I verily believe, part of a
+Door-hinge which these clumsy Spanish Brutes had broken off short to
+cram into their Guns; and yet it might have gone worse with me had it
+been a smooth round cast Bullet, and drilled a clean Wound right through
+my Body.
+
+As I was coming round, even to the taking of some Sangaree and Chicken
+Panada (for we were now very well provided with Live Stock), the
+Captain said to me: "You ha'n't murdered a man, Brother, have you?"
+
+I replied, starting up, that my hands were free from the stain of Blood
+unrighteously spilt.
+
+"No offence, Brother Dangerous," continued the Captain. "In our line of
+life we ar'n't particular. It wouldn't take very dirty weather to make
+our Ensign look like a Black Flag. Piracy and Privateering--they both
+begin with a P. I thought you had something o' that sort on your mind,
+because you took it so woundily about being hanged."
+
+"I have had a strange life," I answered faintly.
+
+"No doubt about that," says the Captain. "So have I, Brother, and not an
+over-good one: that's why I asked you. If the old woman hadn't been in
+the oven herself, she'd never have gone there to look for her daughter.
+But have you anything on your mind, Brother? Is there anything that
+Billy Blokes can do for you?"
+
+I answered, very gratefully, that there was nothing I could think of.
+
+"'Cause why," he resumed, "if there is, you have only to sing out. If
+you think you're like to slip your Cable and would like to say
+something, we've got a Padre on board out of the last Prize, and he
+shall come and do the Right Thing for you. You don't know anything about
+his lingo; but what odds is that? Spanish, or Thieves' Latin, or
+rightdown Cockney,--it's all one when the word's given to pipe all
+hands."
+
+I answered that I was no Papist, but a humble member of the Church of
+England as by Law established.
+
+"Of course," concluded the Captain. "So am I. God bless King George and
+the Protestant Succession, and confound the Pope, the Devil, and the
+Pretender! But any Port in a storm, you know; and a Padre's better than
+no Prayers at all. I've done all I could for you, Brother. I've read you
+most part of the story of Bel and the Dragon, likewise the Articles of
+War, and a lot of psalms out of Sternhold and Hopkins; and now, if you
+feel skeery about losing the number of your mess, I'll make your Will
+for you, to be all shipshape before the Big Wigs of London. There must
+be a matter of Four Hundred Pounds coming to you already for your share
+of Plunder; and no one shall say that Billy Blokes ever robbed a
+Messmate of even a twopenny tester of his Rights."
+
+Again I thanked this singular person, who, for all his Addictedness to
+Rum-and-Water, of which he drank vast quantities, was one of the most
+Sagacious men I have known. But I told him that I had neither kith nor
+kin belonging to me; that I did not even know the name of my Father and
+Mother; and that my Grandmother, even, was an Unknown Lady, and been
+dead nigh forty years. Finally, that if I made my Will, it would only be
+to the effect that my Property, if any, might be divided among the
+Ship's Company of the _Marquis_, with a donative of Fifty guineas to the
+_Hope_ and _Delight_ people to drink to my Memory.
+
+"Ay, and to a pleasant journey to Fiddler's Green," cries out the
+Captain. "But cheer up, Heart; ye're not weighed for the Long Journey
+yet." Nor had I; for I presently recovered, and in less than a month
+after my Mishap was again whole and fit for Duty. And I have set this
+down in order to confute those malignant men who have declared that all
+my Wounds were from Stripes between the Shoulders; whereas I can show
+the marks, 1 deg., of an English Grenadier's bayonet; 2 deg., of a
+Frenchman's sword; 3 deg., of a Spanish bullet; with many more Scars
+gotten as honourably, and which it would be only braggadocio to tell
+the History of.
+
+_Item._--The Corregidores, or Head-Men of Guayaquil, are great Thieves.
+The Mercenary Viceroys not being permitted to Trade themselves, do use
+the Corregidores as middle-men, and these again employ a third hand; so
+that ships are constantly employed carrying Quicksilver, and all manner
+of precious and prohibited goods, to and from Mexico out of by-ports.
+Thus, too, being their own Judges, they get vast Estates, and stop all
+complaints in Old Spain by Bribes. But now and then comes out a Viceroy
+who is a Man of Honesty and Probity, and will have none of these
+Scoundrelly ways of Making Money (like Mr. Henry Fielding among the
+Trading Justices, a Bright exception for integrity, though his Life, as
+I have heard, was otherwise dissolute), and then he falls too and
+squeezes the Corregidores, in the same manner as Cardinal Richelieu,
+that was Lewis Thirteenth's Minister, was wont to do with the
+Financiers. "You must treat 'em like Leeches," said he; "and when they
+are bloated with blood, put salt upon them, to make them disgorge." And
+I have heard that this rigid System of Probity, and putting salt on the
+gorged Corregidores, has ofttimes turned out more profitable to the
+Viceroys than trading on their own account.
+
+Many of our men falling sick here, and our Ransom being now fully
+disbursed by the authorities of Guayaquil, we made haste to get away
+from the place, which was fast becoming pestiferous.
+
+We set sail with more than fifty men Down with the Distemper (of which
+they were dying like Sheep with the Rot in the town, and all the
+Churches turned into Hospitals); but we hoped the Sea Air, for which we
+longed, would set us all healthy again. So plying to windward, bearing
+for the Galligapos Islands, and on the 21st of May made the most Norrard
+of that Group. Jan Serouder, a West Frieslander, and very good Sailor,
+though much given to smoking in his Hammock, for which he had many times
+been Drubbed, died of the Distemper. A great want of Medicines aboard,
+and the Rum running very low. Sent a boat ashore to see for Water, Fish,
+and Turtle, which our men (being now less Dainty by Roughing) had, by
+this time, condescended to eat. Kept on our course; on the 27th the
+Easternmost Island bore S.E. by S., distant about four leagues: and
+nothing more remarkable happened till the 6th of June, when we spied a
+Sail, the _Hope_ being then about two miles ahead of us; and about seven
+in the Evening she took her in a very courageous manner. This was a
+Vessel of about 90 tons, bound from Panama to Guayaquil, called the _San
+Tomaso y San Demas_ (for these Spaniards can never have too much of a
+good thing in the way of Saints), Juan Navarro Navarret y Colza,
+Commander. About forty people on board, and eleven Negro Slaves, but
+little in the way of European goods save some Iron and Cloth. They had a
+passenger of note on board, one Don Pantaleone and Something as long as
+my Arm, who was going to be Governor of Baldivia, and said he had been
+taken not long since in the North Sea by Jamaica Cruisers. On the 7th
+June we made the Island of Gorgona; and, on the 8th, got to an anchor in
+30-fathom water. The next day sent out our Pinnace a'cruising, and took
+a prize called the _Golden Sun_, belonging to a Creek on the Main,--a
+twopenny-halfpenny little thing, 35 tons; ten Spaniards and Indians,
+and a Negro that was chained down to the deck to amuse the Ship Company
+with playing on the Guitar (a kind of Lute). However, we found a few
+ounces of Gold-dust aboard her, worth some sixty pounds sterling. After
+examining our Prisoners (who gave us much trouble, for we had no
+Linguist, and 'twas a Word and a Blow in questioning them: that is, the
+Blow came from us to get the Word from 'em; but not more than two or
+three Spaniards were Expended),--after this tedious work was over we
+held a Committee, and agreed to go to Malaga,[A] an Island which had a
+Road, and with our Boats tow up the River in quest of the rich
+Gold-mines of Barbacore, also called by the Spaniards San Juan. But
+heavy Rains coming on, we were obliged to beat back and come to Gorgona
+again, building a Tent ashore for our Armour and Sick Men. We spent
+till the 25th in Careening; on the 28th we got all aboard agen, rigged
+and stowed all ready for sea; the Spaniards who were our Prisoners, and
+who are very Dilatory Sailors (for they hearken more to their Saints
+than to the Boatswain's Pipe), were much amazed at our Despatch; telling
+us that they usually took Six Weeks or a Month to Careen one of their
+King's Ships at Lima, where they are well provided with all Necessaries,
+and account that Quick Expedition. We allowed Liberty of Conscience on
+board our floating Commonwealth to our Prisoners; for there being a
+Priest in each ship, they had the Great Cabin for their Mass, whilst we
+used the Church-of-England Service over them on the Quarter-deck. So
+that the Papists here were the Low Churchmen. Shortly after the
+beginning of July we freed our prisoners at fair Ransom in Gold-dust;
+but the Village where we landed them was so poor in common Necessaries,
+that we were obliged to give them some corned beef and biscuit for their
+subsistence until they could get up the Country, where there was a
+Town. Same day a Negro belonging to the _Delight_ was bit by a small
+brown speckled Snake, and died in a few hours.
+
+We had with us, too, a very good prize taken by the _Hope_, and
+continued unloading this and transferring the rich contents to our
+ships, having promised to restore the Hull itself to the Spaniards, on
+her being handsomely Ransomed; and the Don that was to be Governor of
+Baldivia was appointed Agent for us, and suffered to go freely on his
+Parole to and fro to arrange Money-Matters with the Authorities up the
+Country.
+
+_Memorandum,_--Amongst our Prisoners (taken on board the Panama ship)
+there was a Gentlewoman and her Family, the Eldest Daughter, a pretty
+young woman of Eighteen, newly Married, and had her husband with her. We
+assigned them the Great Cabin on board the Prize, and none were suffered
+to intrude amongst them; yet the Husband (we were told) showed evident
+Marks of a Violent Jealousy, which is the Spaniard's Epidemic Disease.
+I hope he had not the least Reason for it, seeing that the Prize-Master
+(our Second Lieutenant) was above Fifty years of Age, and of a very
+Grave Countenance, appearing to be the most secure Guardian to females
+that had the least Charm, though all our young Men (that were Officers)
+had hitherto appeared Modest beyond Example among privateers; yet we
+thought it improper to expose them to Temptation. And I am sure, when
+the Lieutenant, being superseded for somewhat Scorching of a Negro with
+a stick of fire for answering him Saucily, and Captain Blokes bade me
+take temporary command of the Prize and Prisoners, that I behaved myself
+so well as to gain Thanks and Public Acknowledgments for my civility to
+the Ladies. We had notice that more than one of these Fair Creatures had
+concealed Treasure about 'em; and so in the most Delicate Manner we
+ordered a Female Negro who spoke English to overhaul 'em privately, and
+at the same time to tell 'em that it would pain us to the Heart to be
+obliged to use Stripes or other Unhandsome Means to come to a Discovery.
+Many Gold Chains, Bracelets, Ouches, and suchlike Whim-Whams the Sable
+Nymph found cunningly stowed away; upon which we gave her half a pint of
+Wine and a large pot of Sweets, forgiving her at the same time a
+Whipping at the Capstan which had been promised her for Romping and
+Gammocking among the people in the Forecastle. For I suppose there was
+never a modester man than Captain Blokes.
+
+August 10th. All Money-Matters being arranged, we disposed of our
+Prisoners. We burnt down the Village for some Impertinence of the Head
+Man (who was a Half-caste Indian),--but no great harm done, since 'twas
+mostly Mud and Plantain thatch, and could be built up again in a
+Week,--and got to Windward very slowly, there being a constant current
+flowing to Leeward to the Bay of Panama. 13th we saw the Island of
+Gallo; the 18th we spied a Sail bearing W.N.W. of us, when we all three
+gave chase, and took her in half an hour. 70 tons. Panama to Lima. Forty
+people aboard, upon examining whom they could tell us little News from
+Europe, but said that there came Advices from Portobello in Spain, and
+by a French ship from France, not long before they came out of Panama;
+but that was all kept private; only, they heard that his Royal Highness
+the Duke of Cumberland was Dead, the which Sad Intelligence we were not
+willing to Believe, but drank his Health at Night, which we thought
+could do him no hurt even if he really happened to be Dead. By this time
+we had gotten another Surgeon out of the _Delight_, whom we daily
+exercised at his Instruments in the Cockpit, and his Mate at making of
+Bandages and spreading of Ointment; and Captain Blokes (who was always
+giving some fresh proof of Sagacity), just to try 'em, and imitate
+business for 'em a little, ordered Red Lead, mixed with Water, to be
+thrown on two of our Fellows, and sent 'em down to the Hold, when the
+Surgeon, thinking they had really been wounded, went about to Dress
+them; but the mistake being discovered, it was a very agreeable
+Diversion.
+
+After this we made sail to the Marias Islands (for I feel I must be
+brief in this abstract of my Log, and must compress into a few pages the
+events of many Months), and all November were cruising about Cape St.
+Lucas in quest of Prizes. Christmas we spent in a very dismal manner;
+for a Complaint, something akin to Mumps with Scurvy in the gums, and a
+touch of Lockjaw to boot, broke out among us, and eight men died. Then
+we engaged or took a very big Spaniard out of Manilla, 250 tons, and a
+very rich Cargo, mostly in Gold-dust and embroidered Stuffs. January
+10th, 1748-9, at anchor at Port Segura; and here, to our dismal dismay,
+we heard that Peace had been proclaimed between Spain and England, and
+that all our Privateering for the present was at an end. Then to
+Acapulco in Mexico, seeing if we could do some honest trading; but at
+all the Towns along the Coast they looked upon us as little better than
+Pirates. But we felt a little comforted at the thought that we had
+already taken some very rich Prizes, and my own part of the Plunder was
+now over 1500_l._ January 11th, we weighed from Port Segura, and ran
+towards the Island of Guam. Our Steward missing some pieces of Pork, we
+immediately searched and found the Thieves. One of them had been guilty
+before, and Forgiven on promise of Amendment; but was punished now, lest
+Forbearance should encourage the rest to follow his bad practice.
+Provisions being so short, and our run now so long, might, without great
+caution, have brought evil consequences upon us. They (the Thieves) were
+ordered to the Main-gear, and every man of the watch to give 'em a blow
+with the Cat-o'-nine-tails. On the 14th of February, in commemoration of
+the ancient English custom of choosing Valentines, a list was drawn up
+of all the Fair Ladies in Bristol in any way related or concerned in our
+Ships; and all the officers were sent for to the Cabin, where every one
+drew, and drank his Valentine's health in a cup of Punch, and to a happy
+sight of 'em all. This was done to put 'em in mind of Home.
+
+From Guam, a very poor place, and the Natives uncommonly nasty, we
+shaped our course to Ternate; and about the 2d of May saw land, which we
+took for some of the Islands lying about the N.E. part of Celebes, but
+were satisfied soon after that we were in the Straits of Guiana. 18th
+May passed several Islands, and the South point of Gillolo. This was the
+time of the S.E. Monsoon, which made Weather and Wind very uncertain.
+May 25th we fell in with a parcel of Islands to the Eastward of Bouton,
+an island where there is a kind of Indian King, very Savage and Warlike,
+and with a considerable flotilla of Galleys. We traded with him, and
+made good profit in the way of Barter; for these Savages will give gold
+and Goods for the veriest trumpery that was ever picked up at a Groat
+the handful at the hucksters' stalls in Barbican. From Bouton on the
+11th June, having well watered and provisioned, and taken a Native
+pilot on board, we sailed for Batavia, and on the 30th cast anchor in
+the Road there. We waited on his Excellency the Governor-General (for
+the States of Holland), and begged permission to refit our Ships, which
+was granted. Many strange Humours now to be seen aboard. Some of the
+crew hugging each other; others blessing themselves that they were come
+to such a glorious place for Punch, where they could have Arrack for
+Eightpence a Gallon; for now the Labour was worth more than the Liquor,
+whereas, a few weeks since, a Bowl of Punch was worth more to them than
+half the Voyage. Now we began to Careen, going over to Horn Island, and
+a Sampan ready to heave down by, and take in our Guns, Carriages, &c.
+Several of our men fell ill of Fevers, as they said, from drinking the
+Water of the Island; but as Captain Blokes opined, more from the effects
+of Arrack Punch at Eightpence a Gallon. All English ships are allowed by
+the Government here half a leaguer of Arrack a day for ship's use per
+man; but boats are not suffered to bring the least thing off shore
+without being first severely searched. As to the town of Batavia, it
+lies in a bay full of islands, which so break off the Sea, that though
+the Road is very large, yet it is safe. The Banks of the Canals through
+the City are paved with stones as far as the Boom, which is shut up
+every night at nine o'clock, and guarded by Soldiers. All the Streets
+are very well built and inhabited; fifteen of 'em have Canals just as in
+Amsterdam and Rotterdam, and from end to end they reckon fifty-six
+bridges. The vast number of Cocoa-nut trees in and about the City
+everywhere afford delightful and profitable Groves. There are Hospitals,
+Spin-houses, and so forth, as in Holland, where the idle and vicious are
+set to work, and, when need arises, receive smart Discipline. The
+Chinese have also a large Sick House, and manage their charity so well
+that you never see a Chinaman looking despicable in the street. The
+Dutch Women have greater privileges in India than in Holland, or,
+indeed, anywhere else; for on slight occasions they are often divorced
+from their Husbands, and share the Estate betwixt 'em. A Lawyer told me
+at Batavia he had known, out of fifty-eight causes, all depending in the
+Council Chamber, fifty-two of them were Divorces. The Governor's Palace
+of Brick, very stately and well laid. He lives in as great splendour as
+a king; he has a Train and Guards--viz. a Troop of Horse and a Company
+of Foot with Halberds, in liveries of yellow satin adorned with silver
+laces and fringe--to attend his Coach when he goes abroad. His Lady has
+also her Guards and Train. The Javanese, or Ancient Natives, are
+numerous, and said to be barbarous and proud, of a dark colour, with
+flat faces, thin short Black hair, large eyebrows and cheeks. The Men
+are strong-limbed, but the Women small. The Men have many Wives, and are
+much given to lying and stealing. They are all Pagans, and worship
+Devils. The Women tawny, sprightly, and Amorous, and very apt to give
+poison to their Husbands when they can do it cunningly. There are at
+least 10,000 Chinese who pay the Dutch a dollar a month for liberty to
+wear their Hair, which they are not allowed to do at home since the
+Tartars conquered 'em. There comes hither from China fourteen or sixteen
+Junks a year, being flat-bottomed vessels. The Merchants come with their
+goods, and marvellous queer folks they are. I don't think the whole City
+is as large as Bristol; but 'tis much more populous.
+
+October 12th. We, according to our Owners' orders to keep our Ships
+full-manned, whether the War continued or not--and, oh, how we cursed
+this plaguey Peace!--shipped here seventeen men that were Dutch. Though
+we looked upon our hardships as being now pretty well over, several Ran
+from us here that had come out of England with us, being straggling,
+lazy, good-for-nothings, that can't leave their old Trade of deserting,
+though now they had a good sum due to each of 'em for Wages. Their
+shares for Plunder of course were forfeited, and equitably divided among
+those that stuck by us. From this to the 23d we continued taking in
+wood and water for our Passage to the Cape of Good Hope; and just before
+we sailed held a Council on board the _Marquis_, by which 'twas agreed,
+that if any of our Consorts should happen to part company, the one that
+arrived first was to stay at the Cape twenty days; and, then, if they
+didn't find the other Ships, to make their utmost despatch to the Island
+of Helena; and if not there, to proceed, according to Owners' orders, to
+Great Britain.
+
+Nothing particular happened till the 27th December, when the _Marquis_
+proved very Leaky, and rare work we had at the Pumps, they being most of
+them choked up from long disuse. December 28th we came in sight of the
+Lion's Head and Rump, being two Hills over the Cape Town. Saluted the
+Dutch fortress with Nine Guns, and got but Three for thanks; it being
+surprising what airs these Pipe-smoking, Herring-curing, Cheese-making,
+Twenty-breeches Gentry give themselves. 29th, we moored Ship, and sent
+our Sick ashore. We stayed here until the end of February, when we went
+into Sardinia Bay to Careen; for a Survey of Carpenters had reported
+very badly concerning the Leak. 27th Feb. we had a good rummage for Bale
+Goods to dispose of ashore, having leave of the Governor, and provided a
+Store-house, where I and the Supercargo of the _Delight_ took it by
+turns weekly during the sale of 'em. 28th March came in a Portugee
+frigate, with news that Five stout French Ships had attempted Rio
+Janeiro, but were repulsed, and had a great number of men killed, with
+over 400 taken prisoners by the Portuguese.
+
+April 5th we hoisted a Blue Ensign, loosened our Fore Topsail, and fired
+a Gun as a Signal for our Consorts to unmoor, and so fell down to Robin
+and Penguin Islands.
+
+_Memorandum._--We buried four while at the Cape; eight ran away to be
+eaten up, as we heartily hoped, by the Hottentots, who have a great
+gusto for White Man's Flesh; but reject Negroes as too strong and
+Aromatic; to say little of the major number of our Ship's Companies
+getting Married to Black Wenches. But there's no Doctors' Commons at
+Cape Town; and the best Way of Divorce is by shoving off a boat from
+Shore, and leaving your Wife behind you. _Item._--The Dutch generally
+send a Ship every year to Madagascar for Slaves to supply their
+Plantations; for the said beastly Hottentots have their Liberty and Ease
+so much, that they cannot be brought to work, even though they should
+Starve (which they do pretty well all the year round) for the lack of
+it. Here, too, we spoke with an Englishman and an Irishman, that had
+been several years with the famous Madagascar Pirates, but were now
+pardoned, and allowed to settle here. They told us that these Miserable
+Wretches, who once made such a Noise in the World, dwindled away one by
+one, most of them very poor and despicable, even to the Natives, among
+whom they had Married. They added, that they had no Embarkations, only
+mere Canoes and Rowboats in Madagascar; so that these Pirates (so long a
+terrible Bugbear to peaceable Merchantmen) are now become so
+inconsiderable as to be scarcely worth mentioning; yet I do think that
+if care be not always taken after a Peace to clear all out-of-the-way
+Islands of these piratical Vermin, and hinder others from joining them,
+it may prove a Temptation for loose scampish Fellows to resort thither,
+and make every Creek in the Southern Seas a troublesome nest of
+Freebooters.
+
+The Cape having been so frequently described, I shall only add that the
+Character of the Hottentots, at which I have hinted, has been found to
+be too True, that they scarce deserve to be reckoned of the Human Kind:
+they are such a nasty, ill-looking, and worse-smelling people. Their
+Apparel is the Skins of Beasts; their chief Ornament is to be very
+Greasy and Black; so that they besmear themselves with an abominable
+Oil, mixed with Tallow and Soot; and the Women twist the Entrails of
+Beasts or Thongs of Hides round their legs, which resemble Rolls of
+Tobacco. Here's plenty, however, of all kinds of Flesh and Fowl;
+there's nothing wanting at the Cape of Good Hope for a good subsistence;
+nor is there any place more Commodious for a Retirement to such as would
+be out of the Noise of the World, than the adjacent country in the
+possession of the Dutch.
+
+Nothing of note happened till May 1st, only that sometimes we had
+Thunder, Lightning, Rain, and Squalls of Wind. On the 7th we made the
+Island of Ascension, S. Lat. 8.2. On the 14th at noon we found we had
+just crossed the Equator, being the eighth time we had done so in our
+course round the World. We had a Dutch Squadron with us, who expected
+Convoy Rates, and all manner of Civilities from us, though there was now
+Peace, and we wanted nothing from 'em; but 'tis always the way with this
+Grasping and Avaricious People. Soon too we observed that the Dutch
+ships began to scrape and clean their sides, painting and polishing and
+beeswaxing 'em inside and out, bending new sails, and the very Mariners
+putting on half a dozen pair of new breeches apiece. This it is their
+custom to do as they draw near home; so that they look as if newly come
+out of Holland.
+
+On the morning of the 15th July we made Fair Island and Foul Island,
+lying off Shetland; and sighted two or three Fishing Doggers cruising
+off the Islands. Having little wind, we lay by, and the Inhabitants came
+off with what Provisions they had; but they are very poor people, wild
+and savage, subsisting chiefly on Fish. When that provision fails, I
+have heard they live on Seaweed.
+
+We being, so to speak, in charge, although unwillingly, of the Dutch
+Squadron, which had been willy-nilly our Convoy, were compelled to put
+into a port of Holland instead of into a British one, as we had fondly
+hoped. On the 23rd July the Dutch Commodore made a signal for seeing
+Land, and the whole fleet answered him with all their colours. The
+Pilot-boat coming off, we took two aboard, and about noon parted with
+some of our Dutch Consorts that were Rotterdam and Middleburg ships. We
+gave 'em a Huzza and a half in derision, and our Trumpet and Hautboy
+were for striking up the Rogue's March; but this was forbidden by the
+Sagacious Captain Blokes. Some English ships now hove in sight, and
+saluted the Dutch Commodore; and afterwards we, though with an ill
+grace, saluted his Worship to welcome in sight of the land, which by
+right belongs to the Rats (though I have little doubt that for all the
+Vandykes and Vandams the long-whiskered Gentry will come to their own
+again some of these fine days). As soon as they got over the Bar the
+Dutchmen fired all their guns for joy at their safe arrival in their own
+country, which they very affectionately call Fatherland; and, indeed, it
+was not easy under these circumstances to be angry with the Poor Souls
+that had been so long at Sea, and wandering about Strange Lands. At 8 at
+night we came to an anchor in 6-fathom water, about 2 miles off shore.
+
+On the 24th, in the morning, the Dutch Flag-ship weighed, in order to go
+up to the unlivering place. In the afternoon Captain Blokes sent me
+ashore, and up to Amsterdam, with a letter for our Owners' Agents, to
+ask how we were to act and proceed from hence. Coming back with
+instructions from the Agent (one Mr. Vandepeereboom, who made me
+half-fuddled with Schiedam drinking to our prosperous return; but he was
+a very Civil Gentleman, speaking English to admiration, and had a
+monstrous pretty Housekeeper, with eyes as bright as her own Pots and
+Pans), by Consent of our Council we discharged such men as we had
+shipped at Batavia and the Cape, and sold the half-dozen Negroes we had
+from time to time picked up for about a Hundred Dollars apiece. But this
+last had to be managed by private Contract, and somewhat under the Rose;
+for their High Mightinesses, the States-General, allow no Slaves to be
+sold openly in Amsterdam.
+
+On the 10th we went up to the Vlieder, which is a better Road than the
+Texel, and then to Amsterdam again, where Captain Blokes and his chief
+officers had to make Affidavits before a Notary Public to the truth of
+an Abstract of our Voyage, the which I had drawn up from the Log of the
+_Marquis_, to justify our proceedings to our own Government in answer to
+what the East India Company had to allege against us; they being, as we
+were informed, resolved to trouble us on pretence that we had Encroached
+upon their Charter. On the 31st August comes Mr. Vandepeereboom on board
+to take Account of what Plate, Gold, and Pearl was in the Ship; and on
+the 5th September he took his leave of us.
+
+But not of me; for as I had been much with him ever since we had lain at
+Amsterdam, we had become great Chums, and he had persuaded me not to
+return just yet to England, but to remain with him in Holland, and
+become his partner in Mercantile Adventure, that should not necessitate
+my going to Sea again. And by this time, to tell truth, I was heartily
+sick of being Tossed and Tumbled about by the Waves. No man could say
+that I had not done my Duty during my momentous Voyage round the World.
+I had worked as hard as any Moose on board the _Marquis_, doing
+hand-work and head-work as well. I had been Wounded, had had two Fevers
+and one bout of Scurvy; but was seldom in such evil case as to shirk
+either my Duty or my Grog. I prudently redoubted the Chances of
+returning in haste to my native Country, for, although being alone in
+the world, and the marriage with Madam Taffetas not provable in Law,
+with no other Domestic Troubles to grieve me, I knew from long
+experience what Ducks and Drakes Seafaring men do make of their money
+coming home from a long voyage with their heads empty and their pockets
+full, and was determined that what I had painfully gathered from the
+uttermost Ends of the Earth should not be riotously and unprofitably
+squandered in the Taverns of Wapping and Rotherhithe. Mr. Vandepeereboom
+entering with me into the State of his Affairs, proved, as far as Ledger
+and Cash-book could prove any thing, that he was in a most prosperous
+way of business, in the Dutch East India trade, of which by this time I
+knew something; so that, although Captain Blokes was loth to part with
+his old Shipmate and Secretary, he was yet glad to see me better myself.
+And in truth Mr. Vandepeereboom's Housekeeper was marvellous pretty. I
+drew my Pay and Allowances, which amounted to but a small matter; but to
+my great Joy and Gladness I found that my share of the Plunder from our
+Prizes and the Ransom of Guayaquil came to Twenty Hundred Pounds. The
+order for this sum was duly transferred to me, and lodged to my Account
+in the Bank of Amsterdam, then the most famous Corporation of Cofferers
+(since that of Venice began to decline) in Europe. I bade farewell to
+Captain Blokes and all my Messmates; left Twenty Pounds to be divided
+among the Ship's Company (for which they manned Shrouds and gave me
+three Huzzas as the Shoreboat put off); and after a last roaring Carouse
+on board the _Marquis_, gave up for Ever my berth in the gallant Craft
+in which I had sailed round the World.
+
+
+FOOTNOTE:
+
+[A] There is a River in Macedon and a River in Monmouth, and more
+Malagas than one.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE FOURTH.
+
+OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND.
+
+
+'TWAS no such very bad Title for a Mercantile Firm, "Vandepeereboom and
+Dangerous." Aha, Rogues! will you call me Pauper, Card-sharper,
+Led-Captain, Half-penny-Jack, now? Who but I was Mynheer Jan van
+Dangerous? (I took my Gentility out of my Trunk, as the Spanish Don did
+his Sword when the Sun shone and there were Pistoles galore, and added
+the Van as a prefix to which I was entitled by Lineage.) Who but I was a
+wealthy and prosperous Merchant of Amsterdam, the richest city in
+Holland? Soon was I well known and Capped to, as one that could order
+wine, and pay for it, at the sign of the Amsterdam Wappen, the great
+Inn here.
+
+Although 'tis now nigh thirty years since, I do preserve the pleasantest
+remembrance of my life in the Low Countries; for, albeit hating the
+Dutch when I was Poor, I grew to like 'em as a reputable Merchant
+Adventurer. 'Twas but a small matter prevented me from setting up my
+Coach, and was only hindered by the fact that the Police Laws of
+Amsterdam are very strict against Wheeled carriages, allowing only a
+certain and very small number, lest the rumbling of the Wheels should
+disturb the good thrifty Burghers at their Accompts. For most vehicles
+they have what they call a Sley, which is the body of a Coach fastened
+on to a Sledge with ropes, and drawn by one Horse. A Fellow walks by the
+side on't, and holds on with one hand to prevent its falling over, while
+with the other he manages the Reins. A most melancholy Machine this,
+moving at the rate of about Three miles an hour, and makes you think
+that you are in a Hospital Conveyance, or else going on a Hurdle to be
+Hanged, Drawn, and Quartered.
+
+This Amsterdam is the famous town built upon Wooden Piles, as is also
+Petersburg, and in some order Venice; and from its Timber supports, gave
+rise to the sportive saying of Erasmus when he first came hither, that
+he had reached a City where the Citizens lived, like Crows, upon the
+tops of Trees. And again he waggishly compared Amsterdam to a maimed
+Soldier, as having Wooden Legs. This Erasmus was, I conjecture, a kind
+of Schoolmaster, and very learned; but conceited, as are most Bookish
+Persons.
+
+A Dutchman will save any thing; and this rich place has all come out of
+saving the Mud, and starving the Fishes. Here Traffic is wooed as though
+she were a Woman, and Gold is put to bed with Time, and there is much
+joy over their Bantling, which is christened Interest. A strange,
+cleanly, money-grubbing Country of Botanic Gardens and Spitting-pans,
+universal Industry and Tobacco-pipes, Gingerbread and Sawing-mills,
+Tulip-roots and the Strong Waters of Schiedam, Cheese, Red Herrings, and
+the Protestant Religion. Peculiar to these People is the functionary
+called the Aansprecker, a kind of human Bird of Evil Omen, who goes
+about in a long Black Gown and a monstrous Cocked Hat with a Crape
+depending from it, to inform the Friends and Acquaintances of Genteel
+Persons of any one being Dead. This Aansprecker pays very handsome
+Compliments to the Departed, at so many Stuyvers the Ounce of Butter;
+and this saves the Dutch (who are very frugal towards their Dead) from
+telling lies upon their Tombstones. When a Man quits, they wind up his
+Accounts, strike a Balance, and go on to a fresh Folio in the Ledger
+without carrying any thing forward. At Marriage-time, also, is it the
+custom among Persons of Figure for the Bride and Bridegroom to send
+round Bottles of Wine, generally fine Hock, well spiced and sugared, and
+adorned with all sorts of Ribbons. They have also a singular mode of
+airing their Linen and Beds, by means of what they call a Trokenkorb,
+or Fire-basket, which is of the size and shape of a Magpie's Cage, and
+within it is a pan filled with burning Turf, and the Linen is spread
+over the Wicker-frame; or, to air the Bed, the whole Machine is placed
+between the Sheets. Nay, there are sundry Dowager Fraws who do warm
+their Legs with this same Trokenkorb, using it as though it were a
+footstool; and considering the quantity of Linsey Woolsey they wear, I
+wonder there are not more Fires. To guard against this last, there are
+Persons appointed whose office it is to remain all day and all night in
+the Steeples of the highest Churches; and as soon as they spy a Flame,
+they hang out a Flag if it's Day, or a Lantern if at Night, towards the
+quarter where the Fire is, blowing a Trumpet lustily meanwhile.
+
+Eating and Drinking here very good, save the Water, which is so Brackish
+that it is not drunk even by the Common People. There are
+Water-Merchants constantly occupied in supplying the City with
+drinkable Water, which they bring in Boats from Utrecht and Germany in
+large stone Bottles, that cost you about Eightpence a-piece English. The
+Poor, who cannot afford it, drink Rain-water, which gives rise to the
+merry saying, that a Dutchman's Mouth is for ever open, either to
+swallow down Smoke or to drink up Rain. And indeed they are a
+wide-gaping Generation.
+
+Being as yet a Bachelor, I agreed for my Lodging and Victuals with Mr.
+Vandepeereboom, who had a fair House, very stately, on one of the Canals
+behind the Heeren Gragt, or Lord's Street. 'Twould have had quite a
+princely appearance, but for a row of Elms in front, which, with their
+fan, almost concealed the Mansion. The noble look of the House, too, was
+somewhat spoilt by its being next door to a shop where they sold Drugs;
+which like all others of this trade in Holland, had for a sign a huge
+Carved Head, with the mouth wide open, in front of the window: sometimes
+it rudely resembles a Mercury's Head, and at other times has a Fool's
+Cap upon it. This clumsy sign is called _de Gaaper_,--the Gaper,--and I
+know not the origin of it. Some of the Shop-boards they call _Uithang
+Borden_, and have ridiculous Verses written upon them; and 'tis singular
+to mark how much of the Jackpudding these Dutchmen, who are keener than
+Jews in their Cash-matters, have in them.
+
+Mr. Vandepeereboom was high in the College of Magistrates, and I was
+ofttimes privileged to witness with him the administration of Justice
+and the infliction of its Dread Awards,--all here very Decent and
+Solemn. The Awful Sentence of Death is delivered in a room on the
+basement-floor of the Stadt House: the entrance through a massy
+folding-door covered with brass Emblems, such as Jove's Beams of
+Lightning, and Flaming Swords; above, between the Rails, are the old and
+new City Arms; and at the bottom are Death's Heads and Bones. The inside
+of the Hall, mighty handsome, in white Marble, and proper History pieces
+of the Judgment of Solomon, and Zeleucus the Locrian King tearing out
+one of his Eyes to save one of his Son's, and Junius Brutus putting his
+children to Death. On the fore part of the Judgment-seat a fine Marble
+Statue of Silence, gallantly, but quite falsely, represented by the
+figure of a Woman on the ground, her finger to her lips, and two
+Children by her, Weeping over a Death's Head. When the dire Doom of
+Death is about to be pronounced, the Criminal is brought into this Hall,
+guarded; and nothing is omitted in point of solemnity to impress on his
+mind (poor wretch!) and on those about him the awful consequences of
+violating the Laws of the Country; which is a much better mode, I think,
+of striking Terror into 'em than the French way, where the Magistrates
+settle the Sentence among themselves in private, and the _Greffier_
+comes all of a sudden into the unhappy Person's Cell to tell him that he
+is to be presently Executed; or even our Old Bailey fashion (though the
+Black Cap is frightful), where the Culprit is more or less sent to Hang
+like a Dog,--one down, another come up; and Jack Ketch Drunk all the
+while with burnt Brandy. 'Twas a thorough knowledge of Human Nature,
+too, that thought of placing this Dutch hall of Justice on the
+ground-floor, and its Brazen Door opening into a common Thoroughfare
+through the Stadt House. I never passed by this door without seeing
+numbers of the Lower Orders of people gazing wistfully through the Rails
+upon the emblematic objects within, apparently in Melancholy Meditation,
+and reflecting upon the Ignominious Effects of deviating from the Paths
+of Virtue.
+
+Out of the Burgomaster's parlour in the same building is a passage to
+the Execution Chamber, or Hall of the Last Prayers, where the Condemned
+take leave of their Clergy, and pass through a Window, the lower part of
+Wood, so that it opens level with the floor of the Scaffold, which is
+constructed on the outside, opposite the Waag or Weigh House.
+
+As associate of one of the Magistrates, I often visited the Dungeons
+beneath the Stadt House, which are hermetically Sealed unto all
+Strangers. As places of Confinement, nothing can be more secure; as
+places of punishment, nothing more Horrible. Here, by the faint light of
+a Rush Candle, you gaze only on Emaciated Figures, while out of the Dark
+Shadows issue faint but dismal Groans. Some are here condemned to linger
+for Life; yet have I known convicted Creatures in this Rat's hole as
+merry as French Dancing-Masters, whistling, trolling, and gambolling in
+the Dark; while in the next cell were a number of Women, who, like the
+general of their sex when in Durance, did nothing but Yell and tear
+their Clothes to Pieces. But 'tis true that all confined in these
+dreadful places had committed crimes of a very Malignant nature, and
+which heartily warranted their being thus cut off from Light and Air,
+and immured in Regions fit only to be Receptacles for the Dead. Under
+the Hall of Justice is likewise the Torture Chamber, where Miserable
+Creatures, at the bidding of their Barbarous Judges, undergo a variety
+of Torments; one of which is to fasten the Hands behind the Neck with a
+cord through pulleys secured to the vaulted Ceiling, so as to be jerked
+up and down. Weights of Fifty Pounds each are then suspended to the
+Feet, until anguish overpowers the senses, and a Confession of Guilt is
+heard to quiver on the lips. Public Punishments are inflicted only Four
+Times a Year, when a vast Scaffold is erected in the Space between the
+Stadt House and Waag House, as before mentioned. Those that are only to
+be Whipped endure that compliment with Merciless Severity, and are not
+permitted to Retire till those who are to Die have suffered, which is
+either by Decapitation or by the Rope. And this acts as a Warning as to
+what will happen to 'em next time. On this occasion the Chief
+Magistrates attend in their Robes. But though Strict, they are mighty
+Just in administering their Laws, and will not permit the least
+deviation or aggravation of the Sentence meted out. I did hear of one
+jocular Rogue, that was condemned, for the murder of half-a-dozen women
+and children, to have his Head severed from the Trunk at one stroke of
+the Sword. This Mynheer Merry-Andrew, previous to quitting the Prayer
+Chamber, lays a Wager with a Friend that the Executioner should not be
+able to perform his office according to the exact terms of the Sentence.
+So, the moment he knelt to receive the Fatal Stroke, he rolled his Head
+in every direction so violently and rapidly, that the Headsman could not
+hit him with any chance of severing his Neck at once; and after many
+fruitless aims, was obliged to renounce the Task. The Officers who were
+to see the Sentence executed were now in a Great Dilemma. In vain did
+they try by argument to persuade the Fellow to remain still, and have
+his Head quietly taken off. At last he was remanded back to Prison, and
+after an hour's deliberation the presiding Magistrate, upon his own
+Responsibility, ordered the Gallows to be brought out, and the Fellow to
+be straightway Hanged thereupon; which was done, to the contentment of
+the Populace, who were howling with Rage at the fear of being deprived
+of their Sport. But the strait-laced Dutch Judges and Lawyers all took
+alarm, and declared that the Fellow had been murdered; and nothing but
+the high rank and character of the Magistrate preserved him from
+grievous consequences.
+
+They observe, however, degrees in their Punishments, and are, even in
+extreme cases, averse from Bloodshed, and willing to try all ways with a
+criminal before Hanging or Beheading him. Thus have they their famous
+Rasphuys for the Confinement and Correction of those whose Crimes are
+not capital. Over the Gate are some insignificant painted wooden
+figures, representing Rogues sawing Log-wood, and Justice holding a Rod
+over them; and the like of these, with figures of scourging and
+branding, they stick up in their Public Walks and Gardens, to show what
+is Done to those who pluck the Flowers or carve Names upon the Trunks of
+the Trees, and it has a most wholesome effect in frightening Evil-doers.
+So in the Yard of the Rasphuys is a Whipping-post in Terrorem, with
+another little figure of Justice flagrant with Execution. Here the
+Rogues saw Campeachy-wood, which seems to be most toilsome work; and
+yet by practice they can saw Two Hundred Pounds' weight every week with
+ease, and also make many little Articles in Straw, Wood, Bone, and
+Copper, to sell to Visitors. They are all clad in White Woollen, which,
+when they are stained with the Red Sawdust, gives them a Hobgoblin kind
+of appearance. Here too, in a corner of the Yard, they show the Cell in
+which if the person who was confined in it did not incessantly Pump out
+the Water let into it, he must inevitably be Drowned; but this Engine,
+the Gaolers said, had not been used for many Years, and was only kept up
+as an object of Terror.
+
+In the east quarter of Amsterdam, Justice is administered in its mildest
+form; there being the Workhouse close to the Muider Gragt, a place
+which, I believe, has not its parallel in the whole World. 'Tis partly
+Correctional and partly Charitable; and when I saw it, there were Seven
+Hundred and Fifty Persons within the Walls, the yearly expense being
+about One Hundred Thousand Florins. In the rooms belonging to the
+Governors and Directresses some exquisite Paintings by Van Dyck,
+Rembrandt, and Jordaens; and, indeed, you can go scarcely any where in
+Holland, from a Pig-stye to a Palace, without finding Paintings. Here,
+in a vast room very cleanly kept, are an immense number of Women
+occupied in Sewing and Spinning. Among them I saw once a fine
+hearty-looking Irishwoman, who had been Confined here two whole Years,
+for being a little more fond of true Schiedam Gin than her lawful
+Spouse. In another vast Apartment, secured by many Iron Railings and
+Grated Windows, are the Female Convicts in the highest state of
+Discipline, and very industriously and silently engaged in making Lace,
+under the superintendence of a Governess. From the Walls of the Boom are
+suspended Instruments of Punishment, such as Scourges, Gags, and
+Manacles, the which are not spared upon the slightest appearance of
+Insubordination. Then there are Wards for the Men, Schoolrooms for a
+vast number of Children, and Dormitories, all in the highest state of
+Neatness. In another part of the Building, which only the Magistrates
+are permitted to visit, are usually detained ten or a dozen Young
+Ladies--some of very high Families--sent here by their Parents or
+Friends for undutiful Deportment, or some other Domestic Offence. They
+are compelled to wear a particular Dress as a mark of Degradation; are
+kept apart; forced to work a certain number of hours a day; and are
+occasionally Whipped. Here, too, upon complaints of Extravagance,
+Tipsiness, &c., duly proved, can Husbands send their Wives, to be
+confined and receive the Discipline of the House; _and hither, too, can
+Wives send their Husbands for the same Cause, for Two, Three, and Four
+Years together, till they show signs of amended Behaviour_. The Food is
+abundant, and good; but the Work is hard, and the Stripes are many.
+Might not such a course be tried with advantage in England, to abate and
+cure the frivolities and extravagances of Fashionable People?
+
+So then, as an Honourable Merchant in a city and country where Commerce
+is reckoned among the noblest of Pursuits, I might, but for my Perverse
+Fate, have grown Rich, and taken unto myself a Dutch Wife, and had a
+Brood of little Broad-beamed Children, that should smoke their Tobacco
+and quaff their Schiedam, even from their Cradle upwards. Indeed, Madam
+Vanderkipperhaerin of Gouda (the place where the Cows feed in the
+Meadows clad in Blue-striped Jackets and Petticoats) was pleased to look
+upon me with Eyes of Favour, and often said it was a Sin and Shame that
+such a Proper Man as I (as she was good enough to say) was not Married
+and Settled. And, indeed, why not? I ofttimes asked myself. I had
+Florins, Guilders, and Stuyvers in abundance; my Partner was a
+Magistrate, and well reputed worthy: why should I not give Hostages to
+Fortune, and have done for good and all with the Life of a Roving
+Bachelor? By this time (although by no means forgetting my own dear
+native Tongue) I spoke French with Ease and Fluency, if not with
+Grammatical correctness; and had likewise an indifferently copious
+acquaintance with the Hollands Dialect. Why should not I be a
+Magistrate, a Burgomaster? Madam Vanderkipperhaerin was Rich, and had a
+beautiful Summer Villa all glistening with Bee's-waxed Campeachy-wood
+and Polished Brass on the River Amstel, some three miles from the City.
+She had a whole Cabinet full of Ostades and Jan Steens in ebony frames,
+and a Side-board of Antique Plate that might have made Cranbourn Alley
+jealous. Why did not I avail myself of the many Propitious Moments that
+offered, and demand the Hand of that most respectable Dutch Dame.
+
+The Melancholy Truth is, that she chose to be jealous of Betje, Mr.
+Vandepeereboom's comely Housekeeper, upon whom I declare that I had
+never cast any thing but innocently Paternal Glances, and utterly deny
+that I ever foregathered with that young Fraw. She was for moving Mr.
+Vandepeereboom to have Betje sent to the Workhouse, there to be set to
+Spinning, and to receive the usual unhandsome Treatment; and when he
+refused,--having, in truth, no fault to find with the Poor
+Girl,--Madam, in a Huff, withdrew her Countenance and Favour from me,
+and, with sundry of her spiteful gossips, revived the old Story of my
+having several Wives alive in different parts of Europe and the New
+World. Surely there was never yet a man so exposed to calumny as poor
+John Dangerous!
+
+Then, to make matters worse, there came that sad Affair of the Beguine.
+Flesh and blood! a mortal man (I suppose) is not to be reckoned among
+the vilest of Humanity because he falls in Love. How could I help
+Wilhelmina van Praag being a Beguine? Moreover, a Beguine is not a Nun.
+The Beguines belong to a modified kind of Monastic Order. They reside in
+a large House with a wall and ditch around it, and that has a Church and
+Hospital inside, and is for all the world like a little Town. But the
+Sisterhood is perfectly secular; they mingle with the inhabitants of the
+city, quit the Convent when they choose, and even marry when they are so
+minded; but they are obliged, so long as they belong to the Order, to
+attend Prayers a certain number of times a day, and to be within the
+Convent-walls at a stated hour every evening. To be admitted to this
+Order, they must be either unmarried or widows without children; and the
+only certificate required of them is that of Good Behaviour, and that
+they have a Competence to live upon. You may ask, if this almost entire
+Liberty be granted them, what there was to hinder Mynheer Jan van
+Dangerous and the Fair Beguine Wilhelmina van Praag from coming together
+as Man and Wife? Wilhelmina was the comeliest Creature (save one) that I
+have ever seen; and, but that she was a little Stout, would have passed
+as the living model for the St. Catherine which Signor Raphael the
+Painter did so well in Oils. I don't think I loved her; but she took my
+Fancy immensely, and meeting her in the houses of divers Honourable
+Families in Amsterdam, 'tis not to be concealed that I courted her with
+much assiduity. This, by some mischief-making Persons, was held to be
+highly compromising to the Fair Beguine. For all that I had become a
+Grave Merchant, there was yet somewhat of the Gentleman of the Sword and
+Adventurer on the High Seas about me; and a great hulking Cousin of the
+young Fraw, that was a Lieutenant in their High Mightinesses Land
+Forces,--the Amphibious Grenadiers I call 'em, and more used to
+Salt-water than Salt-petre,--must needs challenge me to the Duello. The
+laws against private warfare being very strict in Holland, we were
+obliged to make a journey into Austrian Flanders, to Arrange our
+Difficulty; and meeting on the borders of the Duchy of Luxembourg,
+I--Well, is Jack Dangerous to be blamed for that he was, in the prime of
+Life, an approved Master of Fence?
+
+The Lieutenant being dead of his Wounds (received in perfectly fair
+fight), the whole City of Amsterdam must needs cry out that I had
+murdered the Man; and the Families who had once been eager to receive me
+turned their backs upon me. Then the Fair Beguine must go into a craze;
+and, upon my word, when I heard how Mad she was, and how they had been
+obliged to shut her up in the Hospital, I could not help thinking of the
+History of my Grandmother, and did mistrust meeting the young Fraw van
+Praag again (for she was very Sweet, I believe, with the Spark that
+forced me to fight with him), for fear that she should Pistol me. But
+she did not; and Recovered, to marry a very Wealthy Shipmaster named
+Druyckx.
+
+While this Ugly Business was the talk of all tongues (but Mr.
+Vandepeereboom clapped me on the Shoulder, and bade me take my Diversion
+while he minded Business, for that all would Blow Over soon), I took an
+Excursion ('twas in the third year of my Residence here) into North
+Holland, to visit the famous village of Brock. Here the streets are
+divided by little Rivulets, for all the world like Lilliputian Canals;
+the Houses and Summer-houses all of Wood, painted Green and White, very
+handsome, albeit whimsical in their shape, and scrupulously neat. The
+Inhabitants have a peculiar association among themselves, and scarcely
+ever admit a Stranger within their Doors. During my stay I only saw the
+Faces of two of 'em, and then only by a stealthy Peep. They are said to
+be very rich, and in some of their Kitchens to have Pots and Pans of
+solid Gold. The Shutters of the Windows always kept closed, and the
+Householders go to and fro by a Back Door, the Principal Entrance being
+opened only at Marriages and Deaths. The Street Pavement all set out
+with Pebbles and Cockleshells, and no Dogs or Cats were seen to trespass
+upon it; and formerly there was a law to oblige all Passengers to take
+off their Shoes. Here it was that a Man was once Convened and
+Reprimanded for Sneezing in the Streets; and, latterly, a Parson, I
+heard, upon being appointed to fill the Church on the Demise of an old
+Predecessor, gave great offence to his Flock for not taking off his
+Shoes when he ascended the Pulpit. The Gardens of this strange Village
+produce Deer, Dogs, Peacocks, Chairs, and Ladders, all cut out in Box. I
+never saw such a Museum of vegetable Statuary in my Life before. On the
+whole, Brock resembles a trim, sprightly Ball-room, all garnished,
+lighted up, and the floor well chalked, but not a Soul to Scrape Fiddle
+or Foot Minuet. Farther from here is Saardam, which, at a distance,
+looks like a City of Windmills.
+
+_Item._--I forgot to say, that at Brock they tie up the Cows' Tails with
+Blue Ribbons.
+
+The Houses of Saardam are principally built of Wood, and every one has a
+Fantastic kind of Baby Garden. Here is the Wooden Hut where Peter the
+Great lived, when he wrought as a Shipwright in the Navy-yard. It stands
+in a Garden, and is in Decent Preservation. The women in North Holland
+are said to be handsomer than in any other part of the country; but I
+was out of taste with Beauty when I came hither, and could see naught
+but ugly Faces.
+
+So, coming back to Amsterdam, I found that Mr. Vandepeereboom's
+Prediction was fulfilled with a Vengeance, and with Compound Interest.
+The Business of the Beguine had Blown Over; but another affair had
+Blown On, and this very speedily ended in a Blow Up. I am sorry to say
+that this Fairspoken and seemingly Reputable Mr. Vandepeereboom turned
+out to be a very Great Rogue. Our Firm was in the Batavian trade,
+dealing in fine Spices, Nutmegs, Cloves, Mace, Cinnamon, and so forth;
+also in Rice, Cotton, and Pepper; and especially in the Java Coffee,
+which is held to be second only to that of Arabia. In this branch of
+Trade the Dutch have no competition, and they are able to keep the price
+of their Spices as high as they choose, by ordering what remains unsold
+at the price they have fixed upon it to be Burnt. How it came to pass
+that the Spice Ships consigned to us were all wrecked on the High Seas
+and never insured; that the Batavian Merchants, to whom we advanced
+money on their Consignments, all failed dismally; that every Speculation
+we entered into went against us, and that we always burnt our Surplus
+Goods just as prices were about to rise,--I know not; but certain it is,
+that I had not been three weeks back in Amsterdam before the House of
+Vandepeereboom and Dangerous went Bankrupt. Now 'tis an ugly thing to be
+Bankrupt in Holland. The people are so thrifty and persevering, and so
+jealous of keeping their Engagements, that the very rarity of Insolvency
+makes it Scandalous. A Trading Debtor being a character very seldom to
+be met with, he is held in more Odium in Holland than in any other part
+of Europe. Yet are their Laws of Arrest milder than with us in England,
+where for a matter of Forty Shillings an Honest Man becomes the prey of
+a Catchpole, and for years after he has paid the Debt itself, with
+exorbitant Costs to some Knavish Limb of the Law, may still continue to
+Rot in Gaol for the Keeper's Fees or Garnish. Here, if the Debtor be a
+Citizen or Registered Burgher (as I was), he is not subject to have his
+Person seized at the suit of his Creditors, until three regular
+Summonses have been duly served upon him to appear in the Court, which
+Processes are completed in about a month; after which, if he does not
+obey it, he may be laid hold of, but only when he has quitted his House;
+for in Holland a Man's Dwelling is held even more sacred than in
+England, and no Writ or Execution whatever is capable of being served
+upon him so long as he keeps close, or even if he stands on the
+threshold of his Home. In this Sanctuary he may set at Defiance every
+Claimant; but if he have the Hardihood to appear Abroad, the Sergeants
+collar him forthwith. But even in this case he goes not to a common Gaol
+or Prison for Felons, but to a House of Restriction, where he is
+properly entreated, and maintained with Liberal Humanity; the Expense of
+which, as well as the Proceedings, must all be defrayed by the
+Creditors. This regards only the private Gentleman Debtor; but woe
+betide the Fraudulent Trader! The Bankrupt Laws of Holland differ from
+ours in this respect, that all the Creditors must sign the Debtor's
+Certificate, or Agreement of Liberation. If any decline, the Ground of
+their Refusal is submitted to Arbitrators, who decide as to the merits
+of the case; and if the Broken Merchant be found to be a Cheat, no
+Mercy is shown him. The Rasphuys, the Pillory, nay, even the Dungeons
+beneath the Stadt House, may be his Doom.
+
+This, Mr. Vandepeereboom (being a born Dutchman) knew very well; and he
+waited neither for Deliberations as to his Certificate, nor for
+Arbitrators' award. He e'en showed his Creditors a clean Pair of Heels,
+and took Shipping for Harwich in England. I believe he afterwards
+prospered exceedingly in London as a Crimp, or Purveyor of Men for the
+Sea-Service, and submitted to the East India Company many notable plans
+for injuring the Commerce of the Hollanders. I have likewise reason to
+think that he did me a great deal of harm amongst my late Owners at
+Bristol and elsewhere, saying that I had been the Ruin of him with
+Wasteful Extravagance and Deboshed Ways, and that but for his
+Intercession I should have been Broken on the Wheel for unhandsome
+Behaviour to the Fair Beguine. Ere he flitted, he left me a Letter, in
+which he had the Impudence to tell me that he had long since drawn out
+my Account from the Bank of Amsterdam, thinking himself much better able
+to take care of the Money than I was. Furthermore he contemptuously
+advised me to try some other line than Commerce, for which I was,
+through my Former Career--or Vagabond Habits, as he had the face to call
+it--in no wise Fitted. Finally, he ironically wished me a Good
+Deliverance from the hands of the Assessors of the Commercial Tribunal,
+and, with a Devilish Sneer, recommended his Housekeeper Betje to my
+care. O Mr. Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom! if ever we meet again,
+old as I am, there shall be Weeping in Holland for you--if, indeed,
+there be anybody left to shed tears for such a Worthless Rascal.
+
+This most Dishonest Person, however, did me unwittingly a trifle of
+good, and at all events saved me from Gyves and Stripes. That Passage of
+his in the Letter about my Funds in the Bank of Amsterdam was my
+Deliverance. 'Twas widely known that I was but a simple Seafaring Man,
+unused to Mercantile Affairs, and that I had really brought with me the
+considerable Sum of Twenty Hundred Pounds. I was arrested, it is true,
+and lay for many Months in the House of Restriction; but interest was
+made for me, and the Creditors of the Broken House agreed to sign a
+Certificate of Liberation. I believe that but for that mournful business
+of the Beguine, and for that confounded Officer that I sworded, some of
+the Wealthy Merchants would have subscribed to an Association for
+setting me up again; but that Rencounter was remembered to my hurt, and,
+says Mynheer van Bommel, when he brought me my Certificate, "Hark ye,
+Friend Englander; you are Free this time. Take my advice, and get you
+out of Holland as quick as ever you can; for their High Mightinesses, to
+say nothing of the Worshipful Burgomasters of this City, have a
+misliking for Men that are too quick with the Sword and too slow with
+the Pen; and if you don't speedily mend your way of Life, and bid
+farewell to this Country, you will find yourself sawing of
+Campeachy-wood at the Rasphuys, with Dirk Juill, the Beadle, standing
+over you with a Thong." Upon which I thanked him heartily; and he had
+the Generosity to lend me Fifty Florins to furnish my present needs.
+
+I was no longer a Young Man. I was now long past my fortieth year, again
+almost a Pauper, Friendless and Unknown in the World; yet did I feel
+Undaunted, and confident that Better Days were in store for me. Pouching
+my Fifty Florins, I first followed the Burgomaster's advice by getting
+out of Holland as quick as ever I could, and betook myself by
+Treyckshuyt and Stage Wagon to the city of Bruxelles in Brabant. Here I
+abode for some months in the house of a clean Widow-woman that was a
+Walloon, who, finding that I was English, and, besides, a very tolerable
+French Scholar, procured me several Pupils among the Tradesfolk in the
+neighbourhood of the Petit Sablon (hard by the Archduchess Governante's
+Palace), where I dwelt on a Sixth Floor. By degrees I did so increase my
+number of Pupils, that I was able to open a School of some thirty Lads
+and Lasses. To both indifferently I taught the Languages, with Writing
+and Accompts; while for the instruction of the latter in Needlework and
+other Feminine Accomplishments I engaged my Landlady's Daughter, a
+comely Maiden, albeit Red-haired, and very much pitted with the
+Small-pox. Figure to yourself Captain Jack Dangerous turned Dominie! I
+am venturesome enough to believe that I was a very passable Pedagogue;
+and of this I am certain, that I was entirely beloved by my Scholars.
+The sufferings I had undergone while a Captive in the hands of that
+Barbarous Wretch, Gnawbit, had never been effaced from my Memory, and
+had made me infinitely tender towards little Children. Indeed I could
+scarcely bear to use the Ferula to them, or nip 'em with a Fescue, much
+less to untruss and Scourge 'em, as 'tis the brutal fashion of Pedants
+to do; nor do I think, though I disobeyed Solomon's maxim, and Spared
+the Rod, that I did much towards Spoiling any Child that was under my
+care. I made Learning easy and pleasant to my Youngsters, by telling
+them all sorts of moving and marvellous Stories, drawn from what Books
+of History I had handy (and these I admit I coloured a little, to suit
+the Imaginations of the Young), and others concerning my own remarkable
+Adventures, in which, however extraordinary they seemed, I always took
+care to adhere strictly to the Truth, only suppressing that which it was
+not proper for Youth and Innocence to be made acquainted with.
+
+But Schoolkeeping is a tiresome trade. One cannot be at it day and night
+too; and a Man must have some place to Divert himself in, when the toils
+of the day are over. I found out a Coffee-House in the Rue de Merinos,
+or Spaan Scheep Straet, as the Flemings call it, in strange likeness to
+our tongue, and there, over my Tobacco, made some strange Acquaintance.
+There was one De Suaso, an Empiric, that had writ against the English
+College of Physicians, and was like to have made a Fortune by his famous
+Nostrum for the Gout, _the Sudorific Expulsive Mixture_; but that
+Scheme had fallen through, it having been discovered that the Mixture
+was naught but Quicksilver and Suet, which made the Patients perspire
+indeed, but turned 'em all, to the very Silver in their Pockets, as
+Black as Small-Coal Men. Now, he had become a kind of Pedlar, selling
+Handkerchiefs made at Amsterdam, in imitation of those of Naples, with
+Women's Gloves, Fans, Essences, and Pomatums--and in fact all the
+Whim-Whams that are known in the Italian trade as _Galanterie le piu
+curiose di Venezia e di Milano_. But his prime trade was in Selling of
+Snuff, for the choicer sorts of which there was at that time a perfect
+Rage among the Quality, both of the Continent and of England. This De
+Suaso used to Laugh, and say that the best venture he had ever made was
+from a Parcel of Snuff so bad and rotten, that he was about to send it
+back to the Hamburg Merchant who had sold it him, when one day, plying
+at the chief Coffee-House, as was his wont, my Lord Hautgoustham, an
+English Nobleman, desired him to fill his box with the choicest Snuff
+he had. Thinking my Lord really a Judge, he gives him some undeniable
+_Bouquet Dauphine_; but the Peer would have none of it. Then he tries
+him with one Mixture after another, but always unsuccessfully; until at
+last he bethinks him of the Musty Parcel he has at home, and
+accordingly, having fetched some of that, returns to the Coffee-House,
+and says that he has indeed a Snuff of extraordinary Smell and Taste,
+but that 'tis extravagantly dear. Lord Hautgoustham tries it, and calls
+out in an ecstasy that 'tis the most beautiful Snuff he ever put to his
+Nose. He bought a Pound of it, for which De Suaso charged him at the
+moderate rate of Four Guineas; and desires to know his Lodging, that he
+may send his Friends to buy some of this Incomparable Mixture. The
+Artful Rogue then affects the Coy, says that his Stock of the Snuff is
+very low, and by degrees raises his price to Eleven Pistoles a Pound,
+until the English in Brussels have been half-poisoned with his filthy
+Remnant; when there comes upon the scene a certain Mr. Dubiggin, a rich
+old English Merchant of the Caraccas, who knew all kinds of Snuff as
+well as a Yorkshire Tyke knows Horses; and he, telling the Nobleman and
+his Friends how they have been duped, my Lord Hautgoustham, who was of a
+hot temper, makes no more ado, but kicks this unhappy De Suaso half way
+down the Montagne de la Cour.
+
+Here, too, I made an Acquaintance who was afterwards the means of
+working me much Mischief. This was one Ferdinando Carolyi, that said he
+was a Styrian, but spoke most Tongues, and was a thoroughly accomplished
+Rascal. He had been a painter of Flower-pieces, and from what I could
+learn had also made the Mill to go in the way of coining False Money;
+but at the time I knew him was all for the occult Science called the
+Cabala. He showed me a whole chestful of Writings at his Lodgings--which
+were very mean--and declared that he had invented a perfect and
+particular System, which he called the Astronomical Terrestrial Cabala.
+He had run through the whole Pentateuch, and had reduced to the Signs
+of the Zodiac the words of such Scripture Verses as answered to the
+same; one to Aries, the second to Taurus, the third to Gemini, and the
+like. In short, there appeared a kind of Harmony in 'em, particularly
+when the Terrestrial Cabala (which was of the Dryest) was moistened with
+a flask or two of good old Rhenish. The whole of this contrivance was to
+tend towards the Discovery of the Philosopher's Stone. He pretended by
+these Astronomical Figures to have penetrated into the most essential
+Arcana of Nature, and all the necessary operations for attaining the
+_Elixir Philosophorum_, or some such word. But this Carolyi had such a
+winning Way with him, that he would well-nigh have talked a Donkey's
+Hind-leg off. He began to tell me about Peter of Lombardy and the great
+adept Zacharias, and of the blessed Terra Foliata, or Land of Leaves,
+where Gold is sown to be radically Dissolved in order to its
+Putrefaction and Regermination in a Fixation which has Power over its
+Brethren the Imperfect Metals, and makes them like unto itself; and
+this process (which I believe to have been only a story about a Cock and
+a Bull) he called Re-incrudation. In fact my Gentleman almost talked me
+out of my Senses: and as I thought him a monstrous clever Man, I lent
+him (although my Purse was as lean as might be) half-a-score of Austrian
+Ducats, to carry out his experiments in the Universal Menstruum. Alas! I
+never saw my Ducats nor my Alchemist again. A week after I had lent him
+the money, he fled on a suspicion of Base Coin; and I had hard work to
+persuade the Officers of Justice that I had not a hand in his
+Malpractices. As it was, nearly all my Scholars fell away from my
+School; and the Impudent Flemings sneered at me as _Mozzoo Kabala_,--in
+their barbarous Lingo,--and I was pointed out in the streets as a
+Wizard, a Fortune-teller, a Cunning Man, and what not. So that I was
+fain, after about ten years' sojourn at Bruxelles, to call in my Dues,
+gather my few Effects together, and bidding farewell to Flanders,
+proceed to Paris. It was time; for the Priests were up in arms against
+me as a Heretic Outlaw, dealing in Magic. The Black Gentry are
+hereabouts very Bigoted; and although they have no Inquisition, would, I
+doubt not, have led me a sorry Life, but for my Discretion in timely
+Flitting.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE FIFTH.
+
+OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS, WHICH WAS NEARLY MY
+UNDOING.
+
+
+THE Manner of its Coming About was this. I arrived in Paris very Poor
+and Miserable, and was for some days (when that which I brought with me
+was spent) almost destitute of Bread. At last, hearing that some Odd
+Hands were wanted at the Opera-House to caper about in a new Ballet upon
+the Story of Orpheus, the Master of the Tavern where I Lodged, who had
+been a Property-Master at the Theatres, and entertained many of the
+Playing Gentry, made interest for me, as much to keep me from Starving
+as to put me in the way of earning enough money to pay my Score to him.
+For I have found that there never was in this world a man so Poor but
+he could manage to run into Debt. In virtue of his Influence, I, who had
+never so much as stood up in a polite Minuet in my life, and knew no
+more of Dancing than sufficed to foot it on a Shuffleboard at a Tavern
+to the tune of Green Sleeves, was engaged at the wages of one Livre ten
+Sols a night to be a Mime in the same Ballet. But 'twas little
+proficiency in Dancing they wanted from me. One need not have been bound
+'prentice to a Hackney Caper-Merchant to play one of the Furies that
+hold back Eurydice, and vomit Flames through a Great Mask. They gave me
+a Monstrous Dress, akin to the _San Benitos_ which are worn by the poor
+wretches who are burnt by the Inquisition; and my flame-burning was done
+by an Ingenious Mechanical Contrivance, that had a most delectable
+effect, albeit the Fumes of the Sulphur half-choked me. And they did not
+ask for any Characters for their Furies. I tumbled and vomited Flames
+for at least thirty nights, when one evening, standing at the
+Side-Scenes waiting for my turn to come on, it chanced that the light
+gauzy Coats of a pretty little Dancing-girl, that was playing a Dryad in
+the Wood where Orpheus charms the Beast, caught Fire. I think 'twas the
+Candle fell out of the Moon-box, and so on to her Drapery; but, at all
+events, she was Alight, and ran about the Scene, screaming piteously.
+The poor little cowardly wretches her Companions all ran away in sheer
+terror; and as for the two Musqueteers of the Guard who stood sentry at
+each side of the Proscenium, one dastard Losel fell on his Marrow-bones
+and began bawling for his Saints, whilst the other, a more active
+Craven, drops his musket and bayonet with a clang, and clambers into the
+Orchestra, hitting out right and left among the Fiddlers, and very
+nearly tumbling into the Big Drum. All this took much less time to pass
+than I have taken to relate; but as quick as thought I rushed on to the
+stage, seized hold of the little Dancing-girl, tripped her up, and
+rolling her over and over on the Boards, I encompassed her till the
+flames were Extinguished. Luckily there was no Harm done. She was
+Bruised all over, and one of her pretty little Elbows was scratched; but
+that was all. One of the Gentlemen of the King's Chamber came round from
+his Box; and the Sardinian Ambassador sends round at once a Purse of
+Fifty Pistoles, and an offer for her to become his Madam; "For I should
+like one," his Excellency said, "that had been half-roasted. All these
+Frenchwomen look as though they had been boiled." When the Little Girl
+was brought to her Dressing-room, and had somewhat recovered from her
+Fright, she began to thank me, her Preserver, as she called me, with
+great Fervour and Vehemence; yet did I fancy that, although her words
+were excellently well chosen, she spoke with somewhat of an English
+Accent. And indeed she proved to be English. She was the Daughter of one
+Mr. Lovell, an English Gentleman of very fair extraction, who had been
+unfortunately mixed up in the troubles of the Forty-five; and having
+been rather a dangerous Plotter, and so excepted from the Act of
+Oblivion, had been fain to reside in Paris ever since, picking up a
+Crust as he could by translating, teaching of the Theorbo and
+Harpsichord, and suchlike sorry Shifts. But he was very well connected,
+and had powerful friends among the French Quality. He was now a very old
+man, but of a most Genteel Presence and Majestic Carriage. The Little
+Girl's name--she was now about Eighteen years old--was Lilias, and she
+was the only one. As she had a marvellous turn for Dancing, old Mr.
+Lovell had (in the stress of his Affairs) allowed her to be hired at the
+Opera House, where she received no less than a Hundred Ecus a month; but
+he knew too well what mettle Gentlemen of the King's Chamber and
+Musqueteers of the Guard were made of; and every night after the
+Performance he came down to the Theatre to fetch her--his Hat fiercely
+cocked, and his long Sword under his arm. So that none dared follow or
+molest her. And I question even, if he had heard of the Ambassador's
+offer, whether the old Gentleman would not have demanded Satisfaction
+from his Excellency for that slight.
+
+When I discovered that this dear little Creature, who was as fair as her
+name and as good as gold, was my Countrywoman, I made bold to tell her
+that I was English too; whereupon she Laughed, and in her sweet manner
+expressed her wonder that I had come to be playing a Fury at the French
+Opera House. I chose to keep my Belongings private for the nonce; so the
+old Gentleman, treating me as an honest fellow of Low Degree, presented
+me with ten Livres, which I accepted, nothing loth, and the Theatre
+People even made a purse for me amounting to Fifty more. So that I got
+as rich as a Jew, and was much in favour with my Landlord. But, better
+than all, the Little Girl, as I was her Preserver, insisted that I
+should be her Protector too; and old Mr. Lovell being laid up very bad
+with the rheumatism, I was often privileged to attend her home after the
+Theatre, walking respectfully a couple of paces behind her, and grasping
+a stout Cudgel. Father and Daughter lived in the Impasse Mauvaise
+Langue, Rue des Moineaux, behind St. Rogue's Church; and often when I
+had got my precious charge home, she would press me to stop to supper,
+the which I took very humbly at a side table, and listened to the
+stories of old Mr. Lovell (who was very garrulous) about the Forty-five.
+"Bless his old heart," thought I; "I could tell him something about the
+Forty-five that would astonish him."
+
+'Twas one night after leaving the Impasse Mauvaise Langue that, feeling
+both cold and dry, I turned into a Tavern that was open late, for a
+measure of Hot Spiced Wine, as a Night-cap. There was no one there,
+beyond the People of the House, save a man in a Drugget coat, a green
+velveteen Waistcoat, red plush Nethers, and a flapped Hat, all very Worn
+and Greasy. He was about my own age, and wore his own Hair; but the most
+remarkable thing about him was his Face. I never saw such a Red Face.
+'Twas a hundred times more fiery than that of Bardolph in the Play.
+'Twas more glowing than a Salamander's. 'Twas redder than Sir Robert
+Walpole's (the great Whig Minister who, in my youth, was called by the
+Common "Brandy-faced Bob!"). This man's Face was most terribly puffed
+and swollen, and the veins all injected with purplish Blood. The tips of
+his Ears were like two pendant Carbuncles. His little bloodshot Eyes
+seemed starting from their Sockets, while the Cheeks beneath puffed out
+like Pillows for his Orbits to rest upon. Not less worthy of remark was
+it that this Red-faced Man's Lips were of a tawny White. He was for ever
+scrabbling with his hands among his tufted Locks, and pressing them to
+his Temples, as though his Head pained him--which there was reason to
+believe it did.
+
+This strange Person was, when I entered the Wine-shop, in hot Dispute
+with the Master about some trifling Liquor Score. He would not Pay, he
+said; no, not he. He had been basely Robbed and Swindled. He had plenty
+of Money, but he would not disburse a Red Liard. He showed, indeed, a
+Leathern Purse with two or three Gold Pieces in it, and smaller Money;
+but declared that he would Die sooner than disburse. And as he said
+this, he drew out of his pocket a long Clasp-Knife, two-bladed; and
+opening it, brandished it about, and said they had better let him go, or
+Worse would come of it.
+
+The Master of the Tavern and his Wife, decent bodies both, were wofully
+frightened at the behaviour of this Desperado; but I was not to be
+frightened by such Racketing. I bade him put up his Toothpick, giving
+him at the same time a Back-Hander, which drove him into a Corner, where
+he crouched, snarling like a Wild-beast, but offering to do me no hurt.
+Then I asked what the To-do was about, and was told that he stood
+indebted but for Eight Sols, for Half a Litre of Wine, and that they
+could not account for his Fury. The Man was evidently not in Liquor,
+which was strange.
+
+These good people were so flustered at the Man's uncommon Demeanour,
+that, seeing I was Strong and Valiant, they begged me to take him away.
+This I did, first discharging his Reckoning; for as he had Money about
+him, I doubted not but that he would recoup me. I got him into the
+Street (which was close to the Market of the Innocents, and I lived in
+the Street of the Ancient Comedy, t'other side of the River), and asked
+him where he was going.
+
+"To get a Billet of Confession," he made answer.
+
+"Stuff and Nonsense!" I answered, in the French Tongue. "They sell them
+not at this Hour of Night. Where do you live?"
+
+"In the Parvis of Notre Dame," says he, staring like a Stuck Pig. "O
+Arnault! O Jansenius! O Monsieur de Paris! all this is your fault!"
+
+And he lugs out of his Pocket a ragged Sheet of Paper, which he said was
+the last Mandement or Charge of the Archbishop of Paris, and was for
+reading it to me by the Moonlight; but I stopped him short. I had heard
+in a vague manner that the Public Mind was just then much agitated by
+some Dispute between the Clergy and the Parliament concerning Billets or
+Certificates of Confession; but they concerned neither me nor the Opera
+House. Besides, an Hour after Midnight is not the time for reading
+Archbishops' Charges in the Public Streets.
+
+"'Tis my belief, Brother," I said, as soothingly as I could, "that you'd
+better go Home, and tie a Wet Clout round your Head; or, better still,
+hie to a Chirurgeon and be let Blood. Have you e'er a Home?"
+
+He began to tell me that his Name was ROBERT FRANCOIS DAMIENS; that he
+had come from Picardy; that he had been a Stableman, a Locksmith, a
+Camp-follower, and a Servant at the College of Louis-le-Grand; that he
+had a Wife who was a Cook in a Noble Family, and a Daughter who coloured
+Prints for a Seller of Engravings. In short, he told me all save what I
+desired to know. And in the midst of his rambling recital he stops, and
+claps his Hand to his Forehead again.
+
+"What ails you?" I asked.
+
+"_C'est le Sang, c'est le Sang qui me monte a la Tete!_" cries he. "_La
+Faute est a Monseigneur et a son Mandement. Je perirai; mais les Grands
+de la Terre periront avec moi._"[B]
+
+And with this Bedlamite Speech he broke away from me,--for I had kept a
+slight hold of him,--and set off Running as hard as his legs could carry
+him.
+
+I concluded that this Red-faced Man must be some Mad Fellow just escaped
+out of Charenton; and, having other Fish to fry, let him follow his own
+devices. Whereupon I kindled a Pipe of Tobacco, and went home to Bed.
+
+Two days after this (March, 1757), the whole Troop of the Opera House
+were commanded to Versailles, there to perform the Ballet of Orpheus
+before Mesdames the King's Daughters. I had by this time received slight
+Promotion, and played the Dog Cerberus,--at which my dear little Angel
+of a Lilias made much mirth. His Majesty was to have waited at
+Versailles for the playing of the Piece; but after Dinner he changes his
+mind, and determines on returning to his other Palace of Trianon.
+
+'Twas about Five o'clock in the Afternoon, and there was a great Crowd
+in the Court of Marble to see the Most Christian King take Coach for
+Trianon. The Great Court was full of Gardes Francaises, Musqueteers Red
+and Gray carrying Torches, with Coaches, Led Horses, Prickers, Grooms,
+Pages, Valets, Waiting Women, and all the Hurley-Burly of a great Court.
+Some few of the Commonalty also managed to squeeze themselves
+in--amongst others, your humble Servant, John Dangerous, who was now
+reckoned no better than a Rascal Buffoon.
+
+'Twas bitterly cold, and freezing hard, and the Courtiers had their
+hands squeezed into great fur Muffs. I saw the King come down the Marble
+Staircase; a fair portly Gentleman, with a Greatcoat, lined with fur,
+over his ordinary vestments--then a novelty among the French, and called
+a _Redingote_, from our English Riding-coat.
+
+"Is that the King?" I heard a Voice, which I seemed to remember, ask
+behind me, as the Monarch passed between a double line of Spectators to
+his Coach.
+
+"Yes, Dog," answered he who had been addressed, and who was an Officer
+in the Gray Musqueteers. "Pig, why dost thou not take off thy Hat?"
+
+I was all at once pushed violently on one side. A Man with a Drugget
+Coat and Flapped Hat, and whom I at once recognised by the light of the
+glaring torches as the Red-faced Brawler of the Wine-shop, darted
+through the line of Guards, an open Knife in his hand, and rushing up
+to him, stabbed King Lewis the Fifteenth in the side.
+
+I could hear his Majesty cry out, "_Oh! je suis blesse!_"--"I am
+wounded!"--but all the rest was turbulence and confusion; in the midst
+of which, not caring that the Red-faced Man should claim me as an
+Acquaintance, I slipped away. I need scarcely say that there was no
+Ballet at Versailles that night.
+
+A great deal of Blood came from the King's Wound; for he was a Plethoric
+Sovereign, much given to High Living; but he was, on the whole, more
+Frightened than Hurt. Although when the Assassin was first laid hold of,
+His Majesty cried out in an Easy Manner that no Harm was to be done him,
+he never afterwards troubled his Royal Self in the slightest Manner to
+put a stop to the Hellish Torments inflicted on a Poor Wretch, who had,
+at the most, but scratched his Flesh, and for whom the most fitting
+Punishment would have been a Cell in a Madhouse.
+
+As for this most miserable Red-faced Man, Robert Francois Damiens, this
+is what was done to him. At first handling, he was very nearly murdered
+by the Young Gentlemen Officers of the Body Guard, who, having tied him
+to a Bench, pricked him with their Sword Points, beat him with their
+Belts, and pummelled him about the Mouth with the Butt-ends of Pistols.
+Then he was had to the Civil Prison; and a certain President, named
+Michault, came to interrogate him, who being most zealous to discover
+whether the Parricide (as he was called) had any Accomplices, heated a
+Pair of Pincers in the Fire, and when they were red-hot, clawed and
+dragged away at the Unhappy Man's Legs, till the whole Dungeon did reek
+with the horrible Odour of Burnt Flesh. Just imagine one of our English
+Judges of the Land undertaking such a Hangman's Office! The poor Wretch
+made no other complaint than to murmur that the King had directed that
+he was not to be ill-treated; and when they further questioned him,
+could only stammer out some Incoherent Balderdash about the Archbishop,
+the Parliament, and the Billets of Confession.
+
+After many Days, he was removed from Versailles to Paris; but his Legs
+were so bad with the Burning, that they were obliged to carry him away
+on a Mattress. So to Paris; the Journey taking Six Hours, through his
+great attendance of Guards and the thickness of the Crowd. He was had to
+the Prison of the Conciergerie, and put into a Circular Dungeon in the
+Tower called of Montgomery--the very same one where Ravaillac, that
+killed Henry the Fourth, had formerly lain. There they put him into a
+kind of Sack of Shamoy Leather, leaving only his Head free; and he was
+tied down to his bed--which was a common Hospital Pallet--by an immense
+number of Leathern Straps, secured by Iron Rings to the Floor of his
+Dungeon. But what Dr. Goldsmith, the Poetry-writer, means by "Damiens'
+Bed of Steel," I'm sure I don't know. At the head and foot of his Bed an
+Exempt kept watch Night and Day, and every three-quarters of an hour
+the Guard was relieved; so that the Miserable Creature had little chance
+of Sleeping. He would have sunk under all this Cruelty, but that they
+kept him up with Rich Meats and Generous Wines, which they had all but
+to force down his Throat.
+
+But while all this was being done to Damiens, other steps were being
+taken by Justice, the which narrowly concerned me. As he would denounce
+no Accomplices, real or imaginary, the Police did their best to find out
+his Confederates for themselves, and by diligent Inquiry made themselves
+acquainted with all Damiens' movements for days before he committed his
+Crime. They found out the Wine-shop where he had refused to pay his
+Reckoning and made a Disturbance; and learning from the people of the
+House what manner of Man had paid for him and taken him away, they were
+soon on _my_ track. One night, just before the Ballet began, I was taken
+by two Exempts; and, in the very play-acting dress as Cerberus that I
+wore, was forced into a Sedan, and taken, surrounded by Guards, to the
+Prison of the Chatelet. I thought of appealing to our Ambassador in
+Paris, and proving that I was a faithful Subject of King George; but, as
+it happened, I owed my safety to one who disowned that Monarch, and kept
+all his Allegiance for King James. For old Mr. Lovell, hearing of my
+Arrest, and importuned by poor Pretty Miss Lilias, who was kind enough
+to shed many Tears on the occasion, hurried off to his Eminence the
+Cardinal de ----, who was all but supreme at Court, and with whom he had
+great Influence. The Cardinal listens to him very graciously, and by and
+by comes down the President Pasquier to interrogate me, to whom I told a
+plain Tale, setting forth how I had been unfortunate in Business in
+Holland and Flanders, and was earning an honest Livelihood by playing a
+Dog in a Pantomime. The people in the Wine-shop could not but bear me
+out in stating that I had come across the Red-faced Man by pure
+Accident, and was no Friend of his. It was moreover established by the
+Police, that I had not been seen in Damiens' company after the Night I
+first met him, and that I had a legitimate call to be at Versailles on
+the day of the Assassination; so that after about a fortnight's
+detention I was set at Liberty, to my own great joy and that of my good
+and kind Mistress Lilias, who had now repaid ten-thousand-fold whatever
+paltry Service I had been fortunate enough to render her. Nay, this
+seeming Misadventure was of present service to me; for his Eminence was
+pleased to say that he should be glad to hear something more concerning
+me, for that I seemed a Bold Fellow; and at an Interview with him, which
+lasted more than an Hour, I told him my whole Life and Adventures, which
+caused him to elevate his Eyebrows not a little.
+
+"_Cospetto!_ Signor Dangerous," says he (for though he spoke French like
+a Native he was by Birth an Italian, and sometimes swore in that
+Language), "if all be true what you say,--and you do not look like a
+Man who tells Lies,--you have led a strange Life. When a Boy, you were
+nearly Hanged; and now at the _mezzo cammin_ of Life you have been on
+the point of having your Limbs broken on a St. Andrew's Cross. However,
+we must see what we can do for you. Strength, Valour, Experience, and
+Discretion do not often go together; but I give you credit for
+possessing a fair show of all Four. I suppose, now, that you are tired
+of squatting at the Wicket of the Infernal Regions at the Opera House?"
+
+I bowed in acknowledgment of his Eminence's compliments, and said that I
+should be glad of any Employment.
+
+"Well, well," continued his Eminence, "we will see. At present, as you
+say you are a fair Scholar, my Secretary will find you some work in
+copying Letters. And here, Signor Dangerous, take these ten Louis, and
+furnish yourself with some more Clerkly Attire than your present trim.
+It would never do for a Prince of the Church to have a Flavour of the
+Opera Side-Scenes about his house."
+
+Unless Rumour lied, there hung sometimes about his Eminence's sumptuous
+hotel a Flavour, not alone of the Opera Side-Scenes, but of the
+Ballet-Dancers' Tiring-room. However, let that pass. I took the ten
+Louis with many Thanks, and six hours afterwards was strutting about in
+a suit of Black, full trimmed, with a little short Cloak, for all the
+world like a Notary's Clerk.
+
+I had been in the Employ of his Eminence--who showed me daily more and
+more favour--about a month, when all Paris was agog with the News that
+the Monster Parricide and Hell-Hound (as they called him from the
+Pulpit), Robert Francois Damiens, was to suffer the last Penalty of his
+Crime. I know not what strange horrible fascination I yielded to, but I
+could not resist the desire to see the End of the Red-faced Man. I went.
+The Tragedy took place on the Place de Greve; but ere he came on to his
+last Scene, Damiens had gone through other Woes well-nigh unutterable.
+I speak not of his performing the _amende honorable_, bare-footed, in
+his Shirt, a Halter round his Neck, and a lighted Taper of six pounds'
+weight in his Hand, at the Church-door, confessing his Crime, and asking
+Pardon of God, the King, and all Christian Men. Ah! no; he had suffered
+more than this. Part of his Sentence was that, prior to Execution, he
+was to undergo the Question Ordinary and Extraordinary; and so at the
+Conciergerie, in the presence of Presidents, Counsellors of the
+Parliament, Great Noblemen of the Court, and other Dignitaries, the Poor
+Thing was put into the _Brodequins_, or Boots, and wedge after wedge
+driven in between his Legs--already raw and inflamed with the Devilries
+of the President Michault--and the Iron Incasement. He rent the air with
+his Screams, until the Surgeons declared that he could hold out no
+longer. But he confessed nothing; for what had he to confess?
+
+Then came the last awful Day, when all this Agony was to end. I saw it
+all. The Greve was densely packed; and although the space is not a third
+so large as Tower Hill, there seemed to be Thousands more persons
+present than at the beheading of my Lord Lovat. A sorrier Sight was it
+to see the windows of the Hotel de Ville thronged with Great Ladies of
+the Court, many of them Young and Beautiful, and all bravely Dressed,
+who laughed and chattered and ate Sweetmeats while the Terrible Show was
+going on. The Sentence ran that the Assassin's Hand, holding the Knife
+which he had used, should be Burnt in a Slow-fire of Sulphur. Then that
+his Flesh should be torn on the Breast, Arms, Stomach, Thighs, and
+Calves of the Legs with Pincers; and then that into the gaping Wounds
+there should be poured Melted Lead, Rosin, Pitch, Wax, and Boiling Oil.
+And finally, that by the Four Extremities he should be attached to Four
+Horses, and rent Asunder; his Body then to be Burnt, and his Ashes
+scattered to the Winds. There was nothing said about the Lord having
+mercy upon his Soul; but careful injunction was made that he was to be
+condemned in the Costs of the Prosecution.
+
+All this was done, although I sicken to record it; but in the most
+Blundering Butcherly manner. The Chief-Executioner of the Parliament was
+Sick, and so the task was deputed to his Nephew, Gabriel Sanson, who
+being, notwithstanding his Sanguinary Office (which is hereditary), a
+Humane kind of Young Man, was all in a Shiver at what he had to perform,
+and quite lost his Head. Both his Valets, or Under-Hangmen, were Drunk.
+They had forgotten the Pitch, Oil, Rosin, and other things; and at the
+last moment they had to be sent for to the neighbouring Grocers'. But
+these Shopkeepers declared, out of humanity, that they had them not;
+whereupon Guards and Exempts were sent, who searched their Stores, and
+seized what was wanted in the King's Name. Then the Fiendish Show began.
+I can hear the miserable man's Shrieks as I sit writing this now.--But
+no more.
+
+So strong is our Human Frame, that the great strong Brewer's Horses,
+although Dragged and Whipped this way and t'other, could not pull his
+limbs Asunder. So the Surgeons were obliged to sever the great Sinews
+with Knives, and then the Horses managed it, somehow.
+
+_Note._--When the Horses were Lashed, to make 'em pull Lustily, the Fine
+Ladies at the windows fluttered their Fans, and, in their sweet little
+Court Lingo, cried out compassionately, "_Oh, les pauv' Zevaux!_"--"Oh,
+the poor Dobbins!" They didn't say any thing about a poor Damiens.
+
+_Note._--Also, that when they took his Head, to cram it into the
+Brazier, and burn it with the rest of his Members, they found that his
+Hair, which when he was arrested was of a Dark Brown, had turned quite
+White.
+
+This Story is Naked Truth, and it was done in the Christian country of
+France, and in the Year of our Lord Seventeen Hundred and Fifty-Seven.
+It all fell out because a poor, ignorant, half-crazy Serving-Man chose
+to muddle his Head about the Archbishop of Paris and his Billets of
+Confession, and because he would not go to a Chirurgeon and be let Blood
+when Jack Dangerous bade him.
+
+A week after this his Eminence was pleased to send for me into his
+Cabinet, and told me that he had heard great Accounts from his Secretary
+of my Parts, Application, and Capacity, and that he designed to restore
+me to the position of a Gentleman. He asked me if I had a mind for a
+particular Employment and a Secret Mission; and on my signifying my
+willingness to embark in such an Undertaking, bade me hold myself in
+readiness to travel forthwith into Italy.
+
+
+FOOTNOTE:
+
+[B] "'Tis the Blood, the Blood mounting to my Head! 'Tis the
+Archbishop's fault, and that of his Charge. I shall perish; but the
+Mighty Ones of the Earth shall perish with me."
+
+I have, contrary to my practice, given these Words as they were spoken,
+in the French Tongue: for they sunk into my Mind, so as never to be
+forgotten.--J. D.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE SIXTH.
+
+OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE CARDINAL DE ----.
+
+
+PARIS was now clearly no place for me; so bidding adieu to my kind
+Protectress, I made what haste I could to quit the city where I had
+witnessed, and in some sense been implicated in, so Frightful a Tragedy.
+There had always been mingled with my Adventurous Temperament a turn for
+sober Reflection; and I did not fail to Reflect with much seriousness
+upon the appalling perils from which I had just, by the Mercy of
+Providence, escaped. Setting altogether on one side the Pretty Sight I
+should have presented had I been subject to the Hellish Tortures which
+this poor crazy Wretch Damiens underwent, I justly conceived an extreme
+Horror for this Fiendish yet frivolous People, who could mingle the
+twirling of Fans and the sucking of Sugarplums, with the most
+excruciating Torments ever inflicted upon a Human Being. At least, so I
+reasoned to myself; if we English hang and disembowel a Traitor, at
+least we strangle him first; and though the sentence is Bloodthirsty,
+the mob would rend 'Squire Ketch in pieces were it known that a Spark of
+Life remained in the Body of the Patient when the Hangman's Knife
+touched his Breast; but these Frenchmen have neither Humanity nor
+Decency, and positively pet and pamper up their Victim in order that he
+may be the better able to endure the full effects of their infernal
+Spite.
+
+Not without considerable Misgivings did I undertake my new Employment,
+the more so as I was both forbidden and ashamed to impart any inkling of
+its nature to my dear Mistress. Say what you will, no man that has a
+spark of Honesty remaining in him can have much relish for the calling
+of a Spy. I tried hard to persuade myself that this was a kind of
+Diplomatic Employment; that I was intrusted with Secrets of State; and
+that by faithfully carrying out my Instructions, I was serving the cause
+of Civilisation, and in my humble way helping to maintain the Peace of
+Europe. For in all ages there have been, and in all to come there must
+be, sober and discreet Persons to act as Emissaries, to inquire into the
+conditions of the People, and bring back Tidings of the Nakedness or
+Fertility of the Land. It would never have been known that there was
+Corn in Egypt, but for the sagacious Investigations of Messengers sent
+to quest about in the interest of a Famished Community. Nevertheless I
+admit that, although I spread much such Balsam upon my galled and chafed
+Conscience, I could not avoid a dismal Distrust that all these Arguments
+were vain and Sophistical. The words, "Spy, Spy, Spy," haunted me both
+by day and by night. I saw, in imagination, the Finger of Derision
+pointed at me, and heard, in spirit, the wagging of the Tongues of
+Evil-minded Men. The worst of it was, that the occult nature of my
+Mission prevented me from loudly proclaiming my Honesty in order to
+vindicate it against all comers, and glued my Sword to its Scabbard,
+whence it would otherwise furiously have leapt to avenge the merest
+Slight put upon me.
+
+His Eminence the Cardinal de ---- was pleased to equip me for my Journey
+in the most munificent Manner. First he directed me to procure a
+plentiful stock of Clothes both for travelling and for gala Occasions,
+not forgetting a couple of good serviceable Rapiers, as well as a
+Walking-sword, a Dress-foil, and a Hanger, with a pair of Holster
+Pistols, and two smaller ones of Steel in case of Emergencies. Also, by
+his advice, within the lining of my Coat, by the nape of my Neck, just
+where the bag of my Wig hung, I secreted a neat little Poniard or
+Dagger. In a small Emerald Ring, of which he made me a Present, was
+compactly stowed a quantity of very subtle and potent Poison, sufficient
+to kill Two Men. "One never knows what may happen, dear Captain," says
+his Eminence to me, with his unctuous Smile. "Your Profession is one of
+sudden Risks, leading sometimes to prospects of painful Inconvenience.
+If you are brought to such a pass that all your Ingenuity will not
+enable you to extricate yourself from it, and if you have any rational
+Objection, say, to being Burnt Alive, or Broken on the Wheel, 'tis
+always as well to have the means at hand of executing oneself with
+genteel Tranquillity. Such means you will always carry with you on your
+Little Finger; and I can see, by the circumference of the Ring, that
+'tis only by Sawing off that it can be got from off your Digit. Poison
+yourself then, _mio caro_, if you see no other way of getting out of the
+Scrape; but pray remember this; That he who has poison about him, and
+only enough for one, is an Ass. _Always carry enough for Two._ The
+immersion of that little finger in a Glass of Wine, and the pressure of
+a little Spring, would make Hercules so much cold chicken in a Moment.
+There are times, dear Captain, when you may have to save Half your
+Potion to kill yourself, but when you may safely lay out the other Half
+with the view of killing somebody else." A mighty pleasant Way had his
+Eminence with him; and his conversation was a kind of Borgia Brocade
+shot with Machiavelism.
+
+My Despatches and other Secret Documents I was to carry neatly folded
+and moulded within a Ball of Wax not much larger than a Pill. This again
+was put into a Comfit-box of Gold, and suspended by a minute but strong
+Chain of Steel round my Neck.
+
+"In difficult Circumstances," says his Eminence, "you will open that
+Comfit-box and swallow that little Ball of Wax. I have often thought,"
+he pursued, "that Spies, to be perfect in their Vocation, should first
+of all be apprenticed to Mountebanks. At the Fair of St. Germain, I have
+gazed with admiration on the grotesquely bedizened fellows who swallow
+Swords, Redhot Pokers, and Yards of Ribbon without number, and thought
+of what invaluable service their Powers of Gullet would be in the rapid
+and effectual concealment of Documents the which it is expedient to
+conceal from the eyes of the Vulgar."
+
+Again, in the folds of a silken belt, in the which I was to keep my
+Letters of Credit and a large unset Diamond, in case I should be pressed
+for Money in places where there were no Bankers,--for Diamonds are
+convertible into Cash from one end of the World to the other, except
+among the Cannibals,--in this Belt was a little Scrap of Parchment
+secured between two squares of Glass, and bearing an Inscription in
+minute characters, which I was unable to decipher. I have the Scrap of
+Parchment by me yet, and have shown it to Doctor Dubiety, who is a very
+learned man; but even he is puzzled with it; and beyond opining that the
+characters are either Arabic or Sanscrit, cannot give me any information
+regarding their Purport.
+
+"This Parchment," observed the Cardinal when he delivered it to me,
+"will be of no service to you with Civil or Military Governors, and it
+will be well for you not to show it to carnal-minded Men; but if ever
+you get into difficulties with Holy Mother Church--I speak not of
+Heretic Communions--you may produce it at once, and it will be sure to
+deliver you from those Fiery Furnaces and the Jaws of those Devouring
+Dragons of whom the said Holy Mother Church is sometimes forced (through
+the perversity of Mankind) to make use."
+
+Finally, this same Belt contained a curious Contrivance, by means of a
+piece of Vellum perforated in divers places, for deciphering the Letters
+I might receive from his Eminence or his agents. On placing the Vellum
+over the Letter sent, the words intended to meet the eyes of the
+recipient, and none other, would appear through the incisions made;
+while, the Vellum removed, the body of the Epistle would read like the
+veriest Balderdash. This the French call a _chiffre a grille_, and 'tis
+much used in their secret Diplomatic Affairs. The best of it is, that
+when the two Parties who wish to correspond have once settled where the
+incisions are to be, and have each gotten their _grille_, or Peephole
+Vellum, no human being can, under ten thousand combinations of letters,
+and years of toilsome labour, decipher what is meant to be expressed, or
+Weed out the few Words of Meaning from the mass of surrounding Rubbish.
+
+I bade his Eminence farewell, having the honour to be admitted to his
+_petit lever_, the felicity to kiss his hand and receive his
+Benediction, and the distinction of being conducted down the Back Stairs
+by his Maitre d'Hotel, and let out by a Side Door in the Garden-wall of
+his Mansion. A close Chariot took me one morning in the Spring of '58 to
+the Barriere de Lyon, and there I found a Chaise and Post-horses, and
+was soon on my road to the South, with three hundred Louis in Gold in my
+Valise, and a Letter of Credit for any sum under five hundred at a time,
+I liked to draw, in my Waist-belt. I was Richer in Purse and more
+bravely Dressed than ever I had been in my life, and travelled under the
+name of the Chevalier Escarbotin; but I was a Spy, and in mine own eyes
+I was the Meanest of the Mean.
+
+A happy Mercurial Temper and cheerful Flow of Spirits soon, however,
+revived within me; and, ere Ten Leagues of my Journey were over, the
+Chevalier Escarbotin became once more to himself Jack Dangerous. "I will
+work the Mine of my Manhood," I cried out in the Chaise, "to the last
+Vein of the Ore. _Vive la Joie!_" Yet in my innermost heart did I wish
+myself once more with Captain Blokes as the daring Supercargo of the
+dear old _Marquis_, or else a Peaceful Merchant at Amsterdam, giving
+good advice to the Rogues and Sluts in the Rasphuys. O Mr.
+Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom!
+
+Six days after my departure from Paris, I embarked from Marseille on
+board a Tartane bound for Genoa. We had fine sailing for about three
+days, till by contrary winds we were driven into San Remo, a pretty
+Seaport belonging to the Genoese. This abounds so much with Oranges,
+Lemons, and other Delicious Fruit, that it is called the Paradise of
+Italy. So on to Genoa, where the Beggars live in Palaces cheek by jowl
+with the Nobles, who are well-nigh as beggarly as they; and the Houses
+are as lofty as any in Europe, and the Streets between them as dark and
+narrow as Adam and Eve Court in the Strand. The Suburb called San Pietro
+d'Arena very pretty, and full of commodious Villas. There are thirty
+Parish Churches, and at San Lorenzo they show a large Dish made out of
+One Emerald, which they say was given to King Solomon by the Queen of
+Sheba. The Genoese are a cunning and industrious People, with a great
+gusto for the Arts, but terrible Thieves. The Government a Republic,
+headed by a Doge, that is chosen every two years from among the
+Nobility, and must be a Genoese, at least Fifty years of age, and no
+Byblow. He cannot so much as lie One Night out of the City, without
+leave had from the Senate. When he is elected, they place a Crown of
+Gold on his Head, and a Sceptre in his Hand. His Robes are of Crimson
+Velvet, and he has the title of Serenity.
+
+Here I did business with several Persons of Consideration; the Senators
+B--c--i and Delia G----, the rich Banker L----, and Monsignore the
+Archprelate X----. So by Cortona, where there is a strong Castle on a
+Hill, to Pavia, an old decaying City on the River Tessin, which is so
+rapid that Bishop Burnet says he ran down the Stream thirty miles in
+three hours by the help of one Rower only. This may be, or t'other way;
+but I own to placing very little faith in the veracity of these
+Cat-in-Pan Revolution Bishops. Here (at Pavy) is a Brass Statue of
+Marcus Antoninus on Horseback; though the Pavians will have it to be
+Charles the Fifth, and others declare it to be Constantine the Great.
+
+After two days here, waiting for Despatches from his Eminence, which
+came at last in the False Bottom of a Jar of Narbonne Honey, and I
+answering by a Billet discreetly buried in the recesses of a large
+Bologna Sausage, I posted to Milan, through a fertile and delicious
+country, which some call the Garden of Italy. A broad, clean place, with
+spacious Streets; but the Wine and Maccaroni not half so good as at
+Genoa. The Cathedral full of Relics, some of which run up as high as
+Abraham. In the Ambrosian Library are a power of Books, and, what is
+more curious, the Dried _Heads_ of several Learned Men--amongst others,
+that of our Bishop Fisher, whom King Harry the Eighth put to death for
+not acknowledging his Supremacy. About two miles from hence is a
+Curiosity, in the shape of a Building, where, if you fire off a Pistol;
+the Sound returns about Fifty times. 'Tis done, they told me, by two
+Parallel Walls of a considerable length, which reverberate the Sound to
+each other till the undulation is quite spent. The which, being so
+informed, I was as wise concerning the Echo as I had been before.
+
+It was my Design to have proceeded from Milan either to Venice or to the
+famous Capital City of Rome; but Instructions from his Eminence forced
+me to retrace my steps, and at Genoa I embarked for Naples. This is a
+very handsome place, but villanously Dirty, and governed in a most
+Despotic Manner. Nearly all the Corn Country round about belongs to the
+Jesuits, who make a pretty Penny by it. The taxes very high, and laid on
+Wine, Meat, Oil, and other Necessaries of Life; indeed on every thing
+eatable except Fruit and Fowls, which you may buy for a Song. All
+Foreigners who have here purchased Estates are loaded with Extraordinary
+Taxes and Impositions. The City is remarkable for its Silk Stockings,
+Waistcoats, Breeches, and Caps; Soap, Perfume, and Snuff-boxes. They
+cool their Wine with Snow, which they get out of pits dug in the
+Mountain-sides. Near here, too, is a Burning Mountain they call Vesuvio.
+It may be mighty curious, but 'tis as great a Nuisance and Perpetual
+Alarm to the peaceable Inhabitants of Naples as a Powder Magazine. Very
+often this Vesuvio gives itself up to hideous Bellowing, causing the
+Windows, nay the very Houses, in Naples to Shake, and then it vomits
+forth vast Quantities of melted Stuff, which streams down the
+Mountain-sides like a pot boiling over. Sometimes it darkens the Sun
+with Smoke, causing a kind of Eclipse; then a Pillar of Black Smoke will
+start up to a prodigious Height in the air, and the next morning you
+will find the Court and Terrace of your House, be it ten miles away, all
+strewn with Fine Ashes from Vesuvio.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE SEVENTH.
+
+I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM SEDUCED TO A STATE OF
+MISERABLE SLAVERY.
+
+
+I THINK I should have been much better off, if, stopping at Naples, I
+had fallen into the blazing Crater of Vesuvio, and have cast up again
+into the air in the shape of Red-Hot Ashes. I think it would have been
+better for me to be Bitten by the Tarantula Spider (which is about the
+size of a small Nutmeg, and when it bites a person throws him into all
+kinds of Tumblings, Anger, Fear, Weeping, Crazy Talk, and Wild Actions,
+accompanied by a kind of Bedlam Gambado), than to have gone upon the
+pretty Dance I was destined to Lead. However, there was no disobeying
+the commands of his Eminence, who, in his Smooth Italian way, told me at
+Paris that those of his Servants who did not attend to his Behests,
+were much subject to dying Suddenly after Supper; and so, Willy-nilly, I
+sped upon my Dark Errand.
+
+Business now took me to Venice. This is a very grand City, both for the
+Magnificence of its Nobles and the Extent of its Commerce. The Doge is
+only a Sumptuous kind of Puppet, the Real Government being vested in the
+Seignory, or Council of Ten, that carry matters with a very High Hand,
+but, on the whole, give Satisfaction both to the Quality and the Common.
+Here are numbers of Priests of a very Free Life and Conversation, and
+swarms of Monks that are notorious Evil-doers; for during the Carnival
+(a very famous one here) they wear Masks, sing upon Stages, and fall
+into many other Practices unbecoming their Profession. The Venetian Nuns
+are the merriest in all Europe, and have a not much better Repute than
+the Monks, many of them being the Daughters of the Nobility, who dispose
+of 'em in this manner to save the Charges of keeping 'em at home. They
+wear no Veils; have their Necks uncovered; and receive the Addresses of
+Suitors at the Grates of their Parlours. The Patriarch did indeed at one
+time essay to Reform the abuses that had crept into the Nunneries; but
+the Ladies of San Giacomo, with whom he began, told him plainly that
+they were Noble Venetians, and scorned his Regulations. Thereupon he
+attempted to shut up their House, which so provoked 'em that they were
+going to set Fire to it; but the Senate interposing, commanded the
+Patriarch to desist, and these Merry Maidens had full liberty to resume
+their Madcap Pranks.
+
+Here they make excellent fine Drinking-glasses and Mirrors; likewise
+Gold and Silver Stuffs, Turpentine, Cream of Tartar, and other articles.
+The Streets mostly with Water running thro' 'em, like unto Rotterdam,
+all going to and fro done in Boats called Gondoles,--a dismal,
+Hearse-looking kind of Wherry, with a prow like the head of a Bass-Viol,
+and rowed, or rather shoved along with a Pole by a Mad, Ragged Fellow,
+that bawls out verses from Tasso, one of their Poets, as he plies his
+Oar. The great Sight at Venice, after the Grand Canal and St. Mark's
+Place, is the Carnival, which begins on Twelfth Day, and holds all Lent.
+The Diversion of the Venetians is now all for Masquerading. Under a
+Disguise, they break through their Natural Gravity, and fall heartily
+into all the Follies and Extravagances of these occasions. With Operas,
+Plays, and Gaming-Houses, they seem to forget all Habits, Customs, and
+Laws; lay aside all cares of Business, and swamp all Distinctions of
+Rank. This practice of Masking gives rise to a variety of Love
+Adventures, of which the less said the better; for the Venetian Bona
+Robas, or Corteggiane, as they call 'em now, are a most Artful
+Generation. The pursuit of Amours is often accompanied by Broils and
+Bloodshed; and Fiery Temper is not confined to the Men, but often breaks
+out in the Weaker Sex; an instance of which I saw one day in St. Mark's
+Place, where two Fine Women, Masked, that were Rivals for the favour of
+the same Gallant, happening to meet, and by some means knowing one
+another, they fell out, went to Cuffs, tore off each other's Mask, and
+at last drew Knives out of their pockets, with which they Fought so
+seriously, that one of them was left for Dead upon the Spot.
+
+Another Frolic of the Carnival is Gaming, which is commonly in
+Noblemen's Houses, where there are Tables for that purpose in ten or
+twelve Rooms on a floor, and seldom without abundance of Company, who
+are all Masked, and observe a profound Silence. Here one meets Ladies of
+Pleasure cheek by jowl with Ladies of Quality, who, under the protection
+of a convenient piece of Black Satin or Velvet, are allowed to enjoy the
+entertainments of the Season; but are generally attended either by the
+Husband or his Spies, who keep a watchful eye on their Behaviour.
+Besides these Gaming-Rooms, there are others, where Sweetmeats, Wine,
+Lemonade, and other Refreshments may be purchased, the Haughty Nobility
+of Venice not disdaining to turn Tavern-keepers at this season of the
+year. Here it is usual for Gentlemen to address the Ladies and employ
+their wit and raillery; but they must take care to keep within the
+bounds of Politeness, or they may draw upon themselves the Resentment of
+the Husbands, who seldom put up with an Affront of this kind, though
+perhaps only imaginary, without exacting a severe Satisfaction. For the
+Common People there are Jugglers, Rope-dancers, Fortune-tellers, and
+other Buffoons, who have stages in the Square of St. Mark, where, at all
+times during the Carnival, 'tis almost impossible to pass along, owing
+to the crowd of Masqueraders. Bull Baitings, Races of Gondoles, and
+other Amusements, too tedious to enumerate, also take place. But among
+the several Shows which attract the eyes of the Populace, I cannot
+forbear describing one which is remarkable for its oddity, and perhaps
+peculiar to the Venetians. A number of Men, by the help of Poles laid
+across each other's Shoulders, build themselves up almost as children do
+Cards--four or five Rows of 'em standing one above the other, and
+lessening as they advance in height, till at last a little Boy forms
+the Top, or Point, of the Structure. After they have stood in this
+manner, to be gazed at, some time, the Boy leaps down into the arms of
+people appointed to catch him at the Bottom; the rest follow his
+example, and so the whole Pile falls to Pieces.
+
+The Nobility of Venice are remarkable for their Persons as well as for
+their Polite Behaviour, and have a great deal of Gravity and Wisdom in
+their Countenances. They wear a light Cap with a kind of black Fringe,
+and a long black Gown of Paduan Cloth, as their Laws require; though the
+English have found means to introduce their Manufactures among 'em.
+Underneath these Gowns they have suits of Silk; and are extremely neat
+as to their Shoes and Stockings. Their Perukes are long, full-bottomed,
+and very well Powdered; and they usually carry their Caps in their
+Hands. The Women very well shaped, though they endeavour to improve
+their Complexions with Washes and Paint. These of Quality wear such
+high-heeled Shoes, that they can scarce walk without having two people
+to support them. In matters of Religion (though their worship is as
+pompous as Gold and Jewels can make it) the Venetians are very Easy and
+Unconcerned; and neither Pope nor Inquisition is thought much of in the
+Dominions of the Seignory. For Music in their Churches they have a
+perfect Passion. The City is well furnished with Necessaries; but the
+want of Cellarage makes all the Wine sour. The Inhabitants are of a
+Fresh Complexion, and not much troubled with Coughs; which is strange,
+they having so much Water about 'em. They begin their day at Sunset, and
+count one o'clock an hour after, and so on to twenty-four; which is
+likewise a Custom, I believe, among the Chineses.
+
+They bury their Dead within the Four-and-Twenty Hours, and sometimes
+sooner. The Funerals of Persons of Quality are performed with great Pomp
+and Solemnity; and the deceased are carried to the Place of Interment
+with their Faces bare. Whilst I was in Venice, their Patriarch (who is a
+kind of Independent Pontiff in his own way; for, as I have said, they
+reckon but little of his Holiness here) died, and was buried with this
+Ceremony. He was carried in one of his own Coaches, by night, to St.
+Mark's Church, which was all hung with Black for the occasion; and next
+day the Corpse was laid on a Bed in the very middle of the Church,
+dressed in the Sacerdotal Habit, with the Head towards the Choir, and
+his Tiara, or Mitre, lying at the feet. At each corner of the bed stood
+a _valet de chambre_, holding a Banner of Black Taffety, with the Arms
+of the Deceased. A hundred large Wax Tapers were placed in Candlesticks
+round the bed, and High Mass was sung; the Sopranos very beautiful.
+After Mass was over, all retired; but the Body lay exposed till evening,
+when it was stripped of its Vestments (for though a very Gorgeous
+people, they are Economical in their ways), and put into a Leaden
+Coffin, enclosed in another of Cypress, and was then let down into the
+Grave. 'Tis not usual with the Relations to attend the Funeral, which
+they look upon as a Barbarous Custom. But they wear Mourning longer and
+more regularly than in many other countries. A woman in a Mourning Habit
+appears Black from Head to Foot, not the least Bit of Linen being to be
+seen.
+
+The nature of my Employment now brought me into intimate Commerce with
+Monsieur B----, a French Merchant of Lyons, who treated me with
+extraordinary Civility, and made great Offers of being of Assistance to
+me in my Voyage to Constantinople, whither I was now Bound. This
+Gentleman, by means of the French Ambassador at the Porte, had gotten a
+Firman, or passport, to enable him to Travel to that City, and with a
+proper number of Attendants, through any part of the Turkish Dominions.
+As 'tis inconvenient and dangerous Voyaging though the territories of
+the Great Turk without such a Protection, nothing could be more
+Agreeable than the offer he made me of his Company, the more so as his
+Eminence had enjoined me to keep a Strict Watch upon every thing that M.
+B---- said or did. He had designed to reach Constantinople by Land
+through Bosnia, Servia, Bulgaria, and Roumania; yet, in compliance with
+my Inclination (I wish my Inclination had been at the Deuce), which was
+all for a Sea Passage, he consented to embark on board a Vessel bound to
+Candia and other Islands of the Archipelago, from which we were to
+procure a Passage to the Capital of the Ottoman Empire. What made this
+Gentleman's Society more acceptable, was his thorough Knowledge of the
+Trade of the Levant, and the Genius and Temper of the People. Thus, he
+informed me of the Method of Dealing with Jews, Armenians, and Greeks;
+of the Eastern manner of travelling in Caravans, and the necessary
+precautions against such Accidents as are mostly fatal to Strangers; and
+instructed me in the Art of concealing Things of Value,--although I
+think I too could have given him a lesson in that Device,--and avoiding
+those Snares which Governors, Military Officers, and Petty Princes make
+use of in order to plunder Travellers and Merchants. Under these
+favourable Auspices, we embarked, in the Autumn of '37, on board a
+Trading Vessel called the _San Marco_, bound for Candia, but first for
+Malta, so famous for its Order of Knights. A fine Gale at North-West
+carried us pleasantly down the Gulf of Venice, or Adriatic Sea; and on
+the fifth day we came in sight of Otranto, a Town destroyed by the Turks
+nigh Three Hundred years ago, since which time it has hardly regained
+its Ancient Lustre, but at present well Fortified, and defended by a
+High Castle, which I have heard the Honourable Mr. Walpole, a Fine,
+Lardy-Dardy, Maccaroni Gentleman, that lives at a place called
+Strawberry Hill, by Twitnam, in England, has written a silly Romantic
+Tale about. So we got clear of the Gulf of Venice, and in three days
+more, after making Cape Passaro in Sicily, entered the Haven of Malta.
+
+This is an Island that lies between Sicily and the Coast of Africa, and
+is of an Egg-shaped figure, about twenty miles long and twelve broad.
+The City of Malta is divided into three parts, which are properly so
+many Rocks jutting out into the Sea, with large Harbours between them.
+That called Valetta, in honour of the Grand Master who so gallantly
+defended the place against the Turks, is extremely well Fortified, and
+also defended by a Castle, held to be impregnable. The City contains
+about Two Thousand Houses, well built with white Stone, and Flat-roofed,
+surrounded by Rails and Balusters. On t'other side of the Harbour is
+another City, formerly called Il Borgo, or the Borough, but now named
+Citta Vittoriosa, alluding to the terrible Mauling the Turks got here in
+1566. St. John's Church very handsome, and on one side of it a fine
+Piazza, with a Fountain in the corner. Here are all the Tombs of the
+Grand Masters, and a great many Flags taken from the Turks. The Right
+Hand of St. John Baptist, wanting but Two Fingers, shown here for Money,
+with many other Relics and Ornaments. The Grand Master lives in a
+magnificent Palace; and close by is an Arsenal, with Arms for Thirty
+Thousand Men.
+
+The Treasury is a very stately Edifice; but what gives the highest Idea
+of the Charity of this illustrious Order is their noble Hospital, where
+all the Sick are received and provided for with the utmost Care. The
+Rooms are large and commodious, and in each of them there are but two
+Patients. Their Diet is brought to them in rich Silver Plate by the
+Knights themselves, who are obliged to this attendance by their
+Constitutions; and such an exact Decorum is observed, and every thing
+performed with such Magnificence, that it raises the astonishment of
+Strangers.
+
+But if there be Charity and Benevolence for the Christian Sick, there is
+little Mercy shown towards Infidels and Miscreants. The Prison for the
+Slaves is an enormous Building, with a Colonnade running round it, and
+capable of lodging three or four Thousand of those Unhappy People. There
+are seldom less than Two Thousand in the House, except when the Galleys
+of the Order are at Sea upon some Expedition. Then the poor Wretches are
+Chained, Night and Day, to the Oar; but when on Shore they have only a
+small Lock on their Ankles, like the slaves at Leghorn, and are
+permitted to go to any part of the Island, from which they have seldom
+an opportunity of making their Escape.
+
+The Knights of the Order of St. John of Jerusalem, commonly called
+Knights of Malta, after removing from Jerusalem to Magrath, from thence
+to Acre, and thence to Rhodes, were expelled from that Island by the
+Sultan Solyman, having an Army of Three Hundred Thousand Men. The
+Knights retired, first to Candia, and then to Sicily; but at last the
+Emperor Charles the Fifth gave 'em the Island of Malta, which they hold
+to this day. They formerly consisted of Eight Languages or Tongues,
+according to their Different Nations, viz. those of Provence, Auvergne,
+France, Italy, Arragon, Germany, Castile, and England; but this last one
+has been extinct since our Harry the Eighth's time, and what English
+Knights there be who are Papists are forced to find their Tongue where
+they can. Each of the Languages has its Chiefs, who are also called
+Pillars and Grand Crosses, being distinguished by a large White Cross
+'broidered on their Breasts. The Seven Languages have their respective
+Colleges and Halls in Malta, the Head of each House being called the
+Grand Prior of his Nation; and to each belongs a certain number of his
+Commanderies. The Knights, at their entrance into the Order, must prove
+their Legitimacy, as well as Nobility, by four Descents, and are termed
+Chevaliers by Right. Those who are raised to the rank of Nobles, for
+some Valiant Exploit, are called Chevaliers by Favour. None are admitted
+by the Statutes of the Order under the age of Sixteen; but some are
+received from their very Infancy on paying a large Sum of Money, or by
+Dispensation from the Pope. All the Knights oblige themselves to
+Celibacy, which does not hinder their leading very Disorderly Lives; and
+indeed Malta is full of Loose Cattle of all kinds. When they are
+Professed, a Carpet is spread on the Ground, on which is set a Piece of
+Bread, a Cup of Water, and a Naked Blade; and they are told, "This is
+what Religion gives you. You must procure yourself the rest with your
+Sword." The which they do, to a pretty considerable Tune, by spoiling of
+the Turks. After they make their Vows, they wear a White Cross or Star,
+with Eight Points, over their Cloaks or Coats, on the Left Side, which
+is the proper Badge of their Order, the Golden Maltese Cross being only
+an Ornament. The ordinary Habit of the Grand Master is a kind of
+Cassock, open before, and tied about him with a Girdle, at which hangs a
+Purse, alluding to the Charitable ends of their Order;--but 'tis not to
+be denied that they have grown very Proud, and Live, many of 'em, in as
+Shameful Luxury as the Prince Bishops of Germany. Over his Cassock the
+Grand Master wears a Velvet Gown or Cloak when he goes to Church on
+Solemn Festivals. He is addressed under the Title of Eminence by all the
+Knights; but his Subjects of Malta, and the Neighbouring Islands, style
+him Your Highness. As Sovereign, he coins Money, pardons Criminals, and
+bestows the places of Grand Priors, Bailiffs, &c.; but in most cases of
+importance is obliged to seek the advice of his Council, so that he is
+not wholly Absolute. The Ecclesiastics proper of the Order--for the rest
+are but Military Monks, that do a great deal more Fighting than Praying,
+and savour much more of the Camp than of the Convent--are Chaplains,
+Monastic Clerks, and Deacons. They likewise wear a White Cross, partake
+of the Privileges of the Institution, and are great Rascals.
+
+'Tis well known that the Knights of Malta are destined to the Profession
+of Arms for the Defence of the Christian Faith, and the Protection of
+Pilgrims of all Nations. It is to be observed, that there are also
+Female Hospitallers of the Order of St. John, sometimes called
+Chevalieres, or She-Knights, of equal Antiquity with the Knights, whose
+business it is to take care of the Women Pilgrims in a Hospital apart
+from that of the Men. As the Order look upon the Turks as the Great
+Enemies of Christianity, they think themselves obliged to be in a state
+of perpetual Hostility with that people, and, for Centuries, have never
+so much as signed the preliminaries of a Peace with 'em. They have
+performed innumerable and astonishing exploits against their much-hated
+Enemies, the Insolence of whose Rovers they continue to Restrain and
+Chastise, except when the Rovers, as sometimes happens, get the better
+of 'em. They have Seven Galleys belonging to the Order, each of which
+carries Five Hundred Men, and as many Wretches in Fetters tugging away
+at the Oar, for Dear Life. Every one of these Galleys mounts Sixteen
+Pieces of Heavy Artillery; and besides these they fit out a great many
+Private Ships, by license from the Grand Master, to cruise up and down
+among the Turks, doing great Havoc, and thereby growing very Rich. Thus
+it will be plain to the Reader that a Knight of Malta is a kind of
+Medley of Seaman, Swashbuckler, and Saint--Admiral Benbow, Field-Marshal
+Wade, and Friar Tuck all rolled up into one.
+
+I did become acquainted with one of these Holy Roystering Cavalieros,
+by the name of Don Ercolo Amadeo Sparafucile di San Lorenzo, that was a
+perfect Model of all these Characteristics. He Confessed with almost as
+great regularity as he Sinned. The Chaplains must have held him as one
+of the heartiest of Penitents; for he never came back from a Cruise
+without a whole Sackful of Misdeeds, and straightway hied him to St.
+John's Church, to fling his Sinful Ballast overboard and lighten ship.
+How he swore! I never heard a man take the entrails of Alexander the
+Great in vain before; but this was an ordinary expletive with Don
+Ercolo. He belonged to the Italian Language, though I suspected he had a
+dash of the Spanish in him; and many a Gay Bout over the choicest of
+Wines have I had with him at his Inn, as their College-halls are
+sometimes called. He could drink like a Fish, and fight like a Paladin.
+He was a good Practical Sailor and Master of Navigation; Rode with ease
+and dexterity; and was a Proficient in that most difficult trick of the
+_Manege_, that of riding a horse _en Biais_, as the French term it, and
+of which our Newcastle has learnedly treated; was an admirable Performer
+on the Guitar and Viol di Gamba; Sung very sweetly; Fenced exquisitely;
+must have been in his Youth (he was now about Sixty, and his Hair was
+grizzled grey) as Beautiful as a Woman, as Graceful as my Sweet
+Protectress Lilias, as Brave as the Cid, and as Cruel as Pedro of Spain.
+As it is so long ago, and the Principal Parties in the Affair are all
+Dead, I don't mind disclosing that my Instructions from his Eminence the
+Cardinal were to Buy the Cavaliere di San Lorenzo at any Price. I told
+him so plainly over a Flask of Right Alicant, at a little Feast I had
+made for him in return for his many Hospitalities, and gave him to
+understand that he had but to say the word, and Scroppa, the great
+Goldsmith of Strada Reale, would be glad to cash his Draft for any Sum
+under Fifty Thousand Ducats. For his Eminence wanted the Cavaliere to be
+a Friend of France, and France at that time thought that she very much
+wanted the Island of Malta.
+
+Don Ercolo was not in the least angry; only, he Laughed in my Face.
+
+"Chevalier Escarbotin," he said gaily, "you have mistaken your man. Tell
+his Eminence the Cardinal de ---- that he may go and hang himself. I am
+not to be bought. I am Rich to Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand ounces of
+Gold, all got out of spoiling the Infidels. When I die, I shall leave
+half to the Order, and half to the families of certain Poor Women
+Creatures whom I have wronged, and who are Dead."
+
+I said, to appease him, that I was but Joking.
+
+"Ta, ta, ta!" retorts he. "I know your Trade well enough. I have been
+too much among men not to be able to scent out a Spy. But you are a very
+Jovial Fellow, Escarbotin; and I don't care what you are, so long as you
+are not a Turk, which, by the way, I don't think you would mind
+turning."
+
+"O, Signore Cavaliere!"--I began to expostulate.
+
+"What does it matter?" quoth Don Ercolo. "Does it matter anything at
+all? Perhaps some of these days, when I am tired of the Eight Points, I
+shall take the Turban myself."
+
+"A Renegado!" I cried.
+
+"Many a brave Gentleman has turned Renegado ere this," answered he.
+"Next to the pleasure of Fighting the Turks, I should esteem the
+condition of being a Turk myself, and fighting against the Order of
+Malta. But I forgot. You are a Lutheran; although how you came to be a
+Protestant, with that name of Escarbotin, I can't make out."
+
+I murmured something about belonging to the Reformed Church at Geneva;
+although I forgot that they were mostly Calvinists there, not Lutherans.
+But of this Don Ercolo took little notice, and went on.
+
+"When you write to the Cardinal, tell him that Ercolo Amadeo Sparafucile
+di San Lorenzo is not to be purchased. The sly old Fox! He knows I have
+great influence with my Uncle the Grand Master. Tell him that I am very
+much obliged to him for his Offer, and thank him for old Acquaintance'
+sake. Nay; I believe I am some kind of Kinsman of his Eminence, on the
+Mother's side. But assure him that I am not in the least Angry with him.
+If I were Poor, I should probably accept his Offer; but none of the Poor
+Knights of our Order are worth Buying. It matters little to me whether
+France, or Spain, or even Heretic England gets hold of this scorching
+Rock, with its Swarms of Hussies and Rascals; only I prefer amusing
+myself, and fighting the Turks, to meddling in Politics, and running the
+risk of a life-long dungeon in the Castle of St. Elmo."
+
+There was a long Silence after this, and he seemed plunged in profound
+Meditation. Suddenly he fills a Cup with Wine, drains it, and, in his
+old careless manner, says to me,
+
+"Tell him this--be sure to tell him, lest he should be at the trouble of
+sending Emissaries to Poison me--I have the best Antidote of any in the
+Levant, and shall take three drops of it after every Bite and Sup for
+Six Months to come. Not that I dread you. All Spy as you are, you still
+look like an Honest Fellow. _You_ would not poison an old Friend, would
+you, Little JACK DANGEROUS?"
+
+I started to my feet, and stared at the grizzled, handsome Knight in
+blank amazement. We had been conversing in the French tongue; but the
+latter part of his Speech he had uttered in mine own English, and with a
+faultless accent. Moreover, where before had I heard that Voice, had I
+seen that Face? My Memory rolled back over the hills and valleys of
+years; but the Mountains were too high, and the Recesses behind them
+inaccessible without Mental Climbing, for which I was not prepared.
+
+"Little Jack Dangerous," continued the grizzled Knight, "where have you
+been these Seven-and-thirty Years? When I knew you first, you were but a
+poor little Runaway Schoolboy, and I was a Tearing Fellow in the Flush
+and Pride of my hot Youth."
+
+"A Runaway Schoolboy!" I stammered.
+
+"Ay! had you not fled from the Tyranny of one Gnawbit?"
+
+"I remember Gnawbit well," I answered, with a shudder.
+
+"Do you remember Charlwood Chase, and the Blacks that were wont to kill
+Venison there?"
+
+"I do."
+
+"And Mother Drum, and Cicely, and Jowler, and the Night Attack, and how
+near you were being hanged? Do you remember Captain Night?"
+
+A Light broke in upon me. I recognised my earliest Protector. I seized
+his Hand. I was fairly blubbering, and would have rushed into his Arms;
+but there was something Cold and Haughty in his Manner that repulsed me.
+
+"'Tis well," he said. "I am a Knight of the most Illustrious Order of
+St. John of Jerusalem, and an Italian Cavalier of Degree. You----"
+
+"I am a Spy," I cried out half-sobbing. "What was I to do? My Malignant
+Fate hath ever been against me. I am despicable in your Eyes, but not
+so despicable as I am in mine own."
+
+"There, there," he cries out, very placably. "There's no great harm
+done, and there's much of a muchness between us. When you first came
+across me, was I not stealing the King's Deer in Charlwood Chase,
+besides being in trouble--I don't mind owning to you now--on account of
+King James? 'Twixt you, Jack Dangerous, Flibustier, Saltabadil, and Spy,
+and Captain Night, now called Don Ercolo et cetera, et cetera di San
+Lorenzo, and a Knight of Malta, there is not much, perhaps, to choose.
+The World hath its strange Ups and Downs, and we must e'en make the best
+of them. Sit you down, Jack Dangerous, and we will have t'other Flask."
+
+We had t'other Flask, and very good Wine it was; and for the rest of the
+time I remained in Malta, Don Ercolo continued to be my Fast Friend,
+even as he had been in my Youth. And yet 'twas mainly through his
+Instrumentality that I quitted the Island; for he sent his Page to me
+with a Letter, written in our own dear English Tongue, in the which he
+instantly desired me, as I valued my Life and the Interests of my
+Employers, to put the Broad Seas between myself and the Grand Master;
+for that an Inkling of my Errand had got wind, and that the Party
+unfavourable to France being then uppermost, I ran immediate risk of
+being cast into a Dungeon, if not Hanged. For this Reason, said Don
+Ercolo, he must forbear any further Commerce with me (not wishing to
+draw Suspicion on himself, for the Knights are very jealous in Political
+Affairs); but he assured me of his continued Friendship, and desired if
+I stood in Need of any Funds for my Journey, to inform the Page, that he
+might furnish me secretly with what Gold I needed. But I wanted nothing
+in this way, having ample Credits; so making up my Valises with all
+convenient Speed, the Chevalier Escarbotin bade adieu to Malta.
+
+I took a passage in a Speronare that was bound to Candia, where I hoped
+to find some Trading Vessel of heavier Burden to take me to
+Constantinople. The Mediterranean Sea here very beautiful, and
+delightful to see the Dolphins, Tunnies, and other Fish, that frequently
+leapt out of the Water, and followed our Ship in great Numbers. Also a
+Waterspout, which is a Phenomenon very well known to Seamen in the
+Levant Trade, and reckoned very dangerous. It looked mighty Fierce and
+Terrific; and our Sailors, to conjure it away, had recourse to the
+Superstitious Devices of cutting the air with a Black-Handled Knife, and
+reading the First Chapter of St. John's Gospel, accounted of great
+Efficacy in dispersing these Spouts.
+
+Woe is me! After Six Days' most pleasant Sailing, and after doubling
+Cape Spada, and in very sight of Canea (which is the Port of Candia), a
+strange Sail hove in Sight, gave Chase, came up to us an hour before
+sundown, and without as much as, By your leave, or With your leave,
+opened Fire upon us. A Couple of Swingeers from her Double-shotted Guns
+were a Bellyful for our poor little Speronare, in which there were but
+Ten Men and a Boy, Passengers included; and we were fain to submit. Oh,
+the intolerable Shame and Disgrace! that Jack Dangerous, who had been
+All Round the World with that Renowned Commander, Captain Blokes, and
+had Chased, Taken, and Plundered many a good tall ship belonging to the
+Spaniards,--ay, and had landed on their Main, Spoiled their Cities and
+Settlements, Toasted their fine Ladies, and held their Chief Governors
+to Ransom,--should be laid in the Bilboes by a Rascally African Pirate
+Vessel mounting Nine Guns, and belonging to the most Heathenish,
+Knavish, and Bloodthirsty Town of Algiers. My Gall works now to think of
+it; but Force was against us, and the Disaster was not to be helped. I
+was in such a Mad Rage as to be near Braining the Captain of the
+Speronare with a Marline-Spike, and would have assuredly blown out the
+Brains of the first Moor that boarded us, had not the Italian Captain
+and his Mate seized each one of my arms, and by Main Force wrested my
+Weapons from me. And in this (though hotly enraged with 'em at first,
+and calling them all kinds of Abusive Epithets) I think they acted less
+like Traitors than like Persons of Sense and Discretion; for what were
+we Ten (and the Boy) against full Fifty powerful Devils, all armed to
+the Teeth, and who would assuredly have cut all our Throats had we shown
+the least Resistance?
+
+So they had their Will of us, and we were all made Prisoners,
+preparatory to undergoing the worse Fate of Slaves. Vain now, indeed,
+were all his Eminence's Secret Precautions about the Concealment of
+Missives; for these Rascal Moors made no more ado, but stripped us of
+every Rag of Clothing, ripping up the Seams thereof, and examining our
+very Hair, in quest of Gold and Jewels. The Boatswain, however, that was
+appointed to search me, after taking from me all my Stock of Money,
+which was Considerable, returned to me the famous Bit of Parchment
+between the Glasses, which was to bear me Harmless against the Claws of
+Holy Mother Church if she happened to turn Tiger-Cat; for these
+Mahometans have a profound respect for Charms and Amulets, and very
+like he took this for one, which could be no good to him, an Infidel,
+but might serve a Frank at a pinch. There was another Article, too,
+which he restored to me, after Examination, and of which I have hitherto
+made no mention. What was this but a little Portrait of my Beloved
+Protectress, which I carried with me next my Heart? Not that I had ever
+ventured to be so bold as to Ask her for such a pledge, or that she had
+been complaisant enough to give it me; but while I was in Paris there
+had been limned by the great French Painter, Monsieur Boucher, a Picture
+of one of the Opera Ballets, not Orpheus's Story, but something out of
+Homer's Poetry,--_Ulysse chez Alcinous_, I think 'twas called,--and this
+Picture contained very Life-like Effigies of all the Dancers that stood
+in the front rank, of whom my sweet Mistress Lilias was one. From this
+an Engraving in the Line Manner was made, which was put forth by the
+Print-sellers just before I left Paris; and I declare I gave a Louis
+d'Or, and Ten Livres, Twelve Sols, for a Copy, and cutting out the
+Pictured Head of my Protectress with a sharp Penknife, had it pasted
+down and framed in a Golden Locket. When the Boatswain saw this, he
+Grinned, till the Turban round his tawny Head might have been taken for
+a Horse-collar. He wrenched the Portrait out of its Frame, and put the
+Gold among the heap of Plunder that was gathered, for after division, on
+the Deck, and was then about to throw the dear Bit of Paper into the
+Sea,--for these Moors think it Sinful to portray the Human Countenance
+in any way,--but I besought him so Earnestly, both by Signs and
+supplicatory Gestures, and even, I believe, Tears, to restore it to me,
+that he desisted; and putting his Finger to his Lips, as a Hint that I
+was not to reveal his Clemency to his Commander, gave me back my
+precious Portrait. He would have, however, the fine Chain I wore round
+my Neck; so I was fain to make an Opening between the two Sheets of
+Glass that covered my Amulet, and push in the Portrait, face downwards;
+and the two together I hung to a bit of slender Lanyard. But all my
+brave Clothes were taken from me, and in an Hour after my Capture I was
+Bare-footed, and with no other Apparel than a Ragged Shirt and a Pair of
+Drawers of Canvas. To this Accoutrement was speedily added about
+Twenty-one Pounds of Fetters on the Wrists and Ankles; and then I, and
+the Captain, and the Mate, and the Men, and the Boy, were put into a
+Boat and taken on board the Algerine, where we were flung into the Hold,
+and had nothing better to eat for many days than Mouldy Biscuit and
+Bilge-Water. The Cargo of the Speronare was mostly Crockery-ware and
+Household Stuff, for the use of the Candiotes; and the Moors would not
+be at the trouble of Removing, so they Scuttled her, and bore away to
+the Norrard.
+
+_Item._--I swallowed my Despatches; but the Moors got hold of my Letters
+of Credit and my Cipher.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE EIGHTH.
+
+AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS BECOMES BESTUSCHID
+BASHAW.
+
+
+SO we were all taken into Algiers. 'Tis called "The Warlike" by that
+proud People, the Turks; but with much more Reason, I think, should it
+be named "The Thievish." Out upon the Robbers' Den! This most abominable
+Place, which has, during so many Ages, braved the Resentment of the most
+powerful Princes of Christendom, is said to contain above 100,000
+Mahometans,--among them not above Thirty Renegadoes,--15,000 Jews, and
+4000 Christian Slaves. 'Tis full of Mosques and other Heathenish places
+of Worship, and is strongly Fortified, both towards the Sea and the
+Land. The Ship that took us was a Brigantine; and they have nigh a
+Hundred of 'em (besides Rowboats), mounting from Ten to Fifty Guns, with
+which they ravage the Trade of Europe. There is little within the City
+that is Curious, save the Dogs, which are very abundant, and very Fierce
+and Nasty. The Street Bab-Azoun is full of Shops, and Jews dealing in
+Gems and Goldsmiths' Work. The Hills and Valleys round the City are
+every where beautified with Gardens and Country Seats, whither the
+Wealthy Turks retire during the Heats of Summer. Some of the Wild
+Bedoween Tribes up the country go Bare-headed, binding their Temples
+only with a Fillet to prevent their hair growing troublesome. But the
+Moors and Turks in Algiers wear on the Crowns of their Heads a small Cap
+of Scarlet Woollen Cloth, that is made at Fez. The Turban is folded
+round the bottom of these Caps, and by the fashion of the folds you can
+tell the Soldiers from the Citizens. The Arabs wear a loose Garment
+called a Hyke, which serves them as a complete Dress by Day, and a Bed
+and Coverlet by Night. 'Tis observable that when the Moorish Women
+appear in Public, they constantly fold themselves so close up in their
+Hykes that very little of their Faces can be seen; but in the Summer
+Months, when they retire to their Country Seats, they walk about with
+less Caution and Reserve, and, at the approach of a Stranger, only let
+fall their Veils.
+
+What became of the Master and Crew of the Speronare I know not. They
+were but Weakly Creatures; and I conjecture were sold off into private
+Hands and sent up the country. Now, although I was past the Middle Age,
+and indeed drifting into years, I was still of Unbowed Stature and great
+Strength, and a Personable Fellow, hardened in the furnace of Danger and
+Adventure. This led to my being reserved from the public Slave-Market
+for the Dey of Algiers' own use. Woe is me, again! The Distinction
+profited me little, for it merely amounted to my being made Stroke-oar
+of the third row of the Dey's State-barge, or Galleasse. Imagine me now,
+in a Tunic and Drawers of Scarlet Serge, and a White Turban round my
+Head to keep me from Sun-stroke, chained by the Ankles to a bench, and
+with an Iron Collar round my Neck, from which another Chain passed to a
+Bar running fore and aft the whole length of the Galleasse. Between the
+benches of Rowers runs a narrow Planking; and up and down this
+continually patrols a great Tawny Ruffian of a Moorish Boatswain, armed
+with a Whip of Rhinoceros Hide, which, with a Will, he lays on to the
+Shoulders of those who do not tug hard enough at the Oar. Miserable and
+fallen as was my state, I did yet manage to evade the crowning
+Degradation of Stripes; for, being a Man used to the Sea, and full of
+Courageous Activity, I got through my toil so as to make it impossible
+for my Superiors to find fault with me; and besides, in a few words of
+Lingua Franca that I picked up, I gave the Boatswain to understand that
+if he ever hit me with his Rhinoceros Thong, I should take the earliest
+opportunity of Strangling him. As for our Food, 'twas mainly Beans, and
+in the morning a Mess of boiled Maize they call Couscoussou, with some
+villanous Rank Butter, melted, poured over it. And sometimes the Carcass
+of a Sheep that had died of Disease was given to us. But whatever we had
+was eaten on our benches, and the Cook of the Galleasse passed up and
+down the planking to serve out the Rations. We Ate on our benches, we
+Slept on our benches, and some of us died on our benches. There were
+Ninety-two Christian Slaves on board the Dey's Galleasse, and Twelve on
+my Bench. Being Stroke-oar, I was spared the continual contemplation of
+a Man's back in front of me, which other Slaves have told me makes you
+so mad that you want to Bite him; but 'twas scarcely less Vexatious to
+have behind, as I had, a Chattering Fellow of a Frenchman, for ever
+jabbering forth his complaints, and not bearing them with the surly
+Dignity of a Briton. I could almost _hear_ this fellow grimace; and he
+was never tired of bemoaning his bygone happy state as a Hairdresser's
+Journeyman in the Rue St. Honore at Paris. "Why did a Vain Ambition
+prompt me to journey from Marseilles to Constantinople?" cried he about
+Fifty times a day. "Why did I rely on the protection of my Wife's
+Cousin, who gave me recommendations to his brother, Cook-in-Chief to the
+Ambassador of France at the court of the Antique Byzantium (_l'antique
+Byzance_)? Where is my Wife? Where is my Wife's Cousin? They are
+drinking the wine of Ramponneau; they are dancing at the Barriers. Oh,
+my Cocotte! where is my Cocotte?"
+
+"Hang your Cocotte!" I used to cry out in a rage. "'Tis bad enough to be
+mewed up here like a Bear in a pit, without being worried by a
+counfounded Barber's Clerk!"
+
+I had been Tugging at the Oar full Six Months, when a change came over
+my lamentable Lot. The Dey of Algiers was at this time one Mahomet
+Bassa, a very Bold, Fierce, Fighting Man, but of the meanest Extraction,
+and one, indeed, that had been no more than a common Soldier, from which
+he had sprung to be, by turns, Oda-Bashee or Lieutenant, Bullock-Bashee
+or Captain, Tiah-Bashee or Colonel, and Aga or General. For among these
+strange people every valiant and aspiring Soldier,--I wish 'twas so in
+England,--though taken yesterday from the Plough, may be considered as
+Heir-Apparent to the Throne. Nor are they ashamed of the obscurity of
+their birth. This Mahomet Bassa, in a dispute he once had with the
+Spanish Consul, said: "My mother sold Sheep's Trotters, and my father
+Neat's Tongues; but they would have been ashamed to expose for sale on
+their stalls a Tongue so worthless as thine." Mahomet Bassa was, like
+most of the Turks, a man of Pleasure, and his Harem was furnished with
+an extraordinary number of choice Beauties.
+
+His Highness (as he is called), happening to single me out from the rest
+of the Slaves on board of the Galleasse, and being told that I was
+English--for equally in hopes of Bettering my Condition, and for the
+purpose of keeping Secret my Employment with his Eminence, I had avowed
+myself to be of that Nation--ordered me to be released from my Chains,
+and brought before him at the Divan. Through his Interpreter, a cunning
+Rogue from Corfu, who spoke most Languages indifferently well, he asked
+me who I was, and how I came to be aboard the Speronare. I answered,
+conveniently mixing fact with fiction, that I had been a Captain by Sea
+and Land in the Service of the King of England; that I had earned a good
+deal of Prize-Money; had retired from Active Duties, being now nigh upon
+Fifty years of Age, and was taking my pleasure by voyaging in a part of
+Europe with which I had hitherto been little acquainted. This Answer
+seemed to satisfy him pretty well; although he was very curious to know
+whether I had any Kindred in the Island of Malta, or any foregathering
+among the Knights. Fortunately for me the Interpreter, to whom I had
+given a hint of ultimate Reward, deposed that I could not speak twenty
+words of Maltese (which is a kind of Bastard Italian); and he told me
+that if it had been discovered that I was in any way Connected with the
+Order, I should surely have been Impaled; the Dey being then in a
+towering rage with the Knights, one of whose commanders had just
+captured one of his finest Brigantines, and Dressed Ship, as he
+humorously put it, by hanging every Man-Jack of the Crew at the
+Yard-arm, and the Algerine Captain at the Mizen. The Dey then asked me
+if I had any Friends who I thought would pay my Ransom, the which he
+placed at the Moderate Computation of Four Thousand Gold Achmedies
+(about Fifteen Hundred Pounds sterling). I answered, that I thought I
+could raise about half that Sum, if I were allowed to communicate with
+one Monsieur Foscue, a Banker at Marseilles, upon whom I had--or rather
+my Captors had--a Letter of Credit, which they had taken from me. But by
+Ill-luck this Letter of Credit could not be found. The Captain and Crew
+of the Rover that took the Speronare were all well bastinadoed about it,
+but no Letter was forthcoming; and I am more inclined to think that it
+was thrown, in sheer Ignorance, overboard, than that it was Embezzled.
+However, as 'twas not to be discovered, the Dey began to look upon me
+as an Impostor; but I earnestly represented to the Interpreter that, if
+I had time to write to Monsieur Foscue, all would be right. This I had
+his Highness's gracious permission to do, and meanwhile was to remain a
+Slave; but was not sent back to the Galleys. Being a Strong Fellow, and
+professing to know something about Gardening--Lord help me! I had never
+touched a Spade ten times in my Life--I was sent to work in his
+Highness's Gardens at the Castle of Sitteet-ako-Leet. As for my Letter,
+I penned it in as good French as I could muster, begging Monsieur Foscue
+to communicate at once with his Eminence, telling him how I had been
+captured, and that my Letter of Credit had been taken from me, and of
+the Sorry Plight I was now in. I was given to understand that from Six
+to Nine Months must pass by before I could expect an Answer; for that
+Safe Conducts to Christian Packets between Algiers and Marseilles were
+only granted thrice a year, and the last was but just departed.
+Whereupon I resigned myself to my Captivity, hoping for Better Days.
+
+The Head Gardener of the Dey was an old Renegado German, named Baupwitz,
+who tried hard to convert me to the Mussulman Faith. But in addition to
+my stanch Attachment to the Protestant Religion, I could see that the
+State and Condition of the few Renegados in Algiers was very mean and
+miserable, and that they were despised alike by Turks, Moors, Arabs,
+Bedoweens, and Jews. And, indeed, what good had Baupwitz done himself by
+turning Paynim? Thus much I put to him plainly; at which the Old Man was
+angered, and for some days used me very spitefully; when the Dey, coming
+to the Castle, took it into his head to have me brought back to Algiers,
+and enrolled among his Musicians as a Player upon the Cymbals. I declare
+that although able to troll out a Stave now and then, I could not so
+much as Whistle "God save the King;" but I managed to clash my two
+Saucepan-Lids or Cymbals together and to make a Noise, which is all the
+Turks care for, they having no proper Ear for Music. As one of his
+Highness's Musicians, I was dressed very grandly, with a monstrous
+Turban all covered with Gold Spangles and Silk Tassels; but I had a
+Collar of Silver riveted round my Neck, and Silver Shackles round my
+Ancles, and Silver Manacles round my Wrists; and was still a Slave.
+
+The rest of the Musicians were either Black Negroes or Cophtic
+Christians, and they used me with Decent Civility; nor did the Master of
+the Musicians--otherwise a most cruel Moor--go out of his way to flout,
+much less smite me with his Rattan. If he had dared but to lay one
+Stripe upon me, I would have sprang upon the Wretch and dashed out his
+Brains with my Cymbals, even if I had been put upon the Pale for it half
+an hour afterwards.
+
+Lodged in the Guard-house at the Dey's Palace, with pretty abundant
+Rations, and some few Piastres daily to buy Wine (I being a Frank) and
+Tobacco, and pretty well treated by the Colologlies, or Moorish
+Soldiers, I did not pass such a very bad time of it; and when off Duty,
+had liberty to go about the City and Suburbs pretty much as I chose. And
+I was a hundred times better off than the Moslem Slaves are at Malta.
+
+These Algerines are an Uncouth, Savage People; and the Turkish Despotism
+has quite destroyed that security and Liberty which of old gave birth
+and encouragement to Learning: hence the knowledge of Medicine,
+Philosophy, and the Mathematics, which once so flourished among the
+Arabs, is now almost entirely lost. The Children of the Moors and Turks
+are sent to School at about Six years old, where they are taught to Read
+and Write for the value of about a Penny a week of our Money. Instead of
+Paper or a Slate, each boy has a piece of thin square Board, slightly
+daubed over with Whiting; on this he makes his Letters, which may be
+wiped off or renewed at pleasure. Having made some progress in the
+Koran, he is initiated into the Ceremonies and Mysteries of the
+Mahometan Religion; and when he has distinguished himself in any of
+these branches of Learning, he is Richly Dressed, mounted on a Horse
+finely Caparisoned, and paraded, amidst the Huzzas of his
+School-fellows, through the Streets; while his Friends and Relations
+assemble to congratulate his Parents, and load him with Toys and
+Sweetmeats. And this Observance answers to our Western Rite of
+Confirmation. But after being three or four years at School, the Boys
+are put 'Prentice to Trades or enrolled in the Army, where they very
+speedily forget all they have learnt.
+
+Though such bold Sailors, the Algerines are very despicable as
+Navigators. Their chief Astronomer, Muley Hamet Ben Daoud, when I was
+there, who superintended and regulated the Hours of Prayer by the Moon
+and Stars, had not the skill to make a Sundial; and in Navigation they
+cannot get beyond Pricking of a Chart, and distinguishing the Eight
+principal Points of the Compass. Even Chemistry, which was once the
+favourite Science of these people, is at present only applied to the
+Distilling of a little Rose-water. The Physicians chiefly study the
+Spanish Translation of Dioscorides (that was a Learned Leech in Olden
+Times); but the Figures of the Plants and Animals are more consulted
+than the Descriptions: yet are these Knaves naturally Subtle and
+Ingenious; wanting nothing but Application and Patronage to cultivate
+and improve their Faculties. They are for the most part Predestinarians,
+and pay little regard to Physic, either leaving the Disorder to contend
+with Nature, or making use of Charms and Incantations. They, however,
+resort to the Hammam, or Hot Bagnio (a great Sweating-bath, and a
+sovereign Remedy for most Distempers), and have a few Specifics in
+general use. Thus, in Pleurisy and the Rheumatics they make several
+Punctures on the part affected with a Red-hot Needle; and into simple
+Gun-shot Wounds they pour Fresh Butter almost boiling hot. The Prickly
+Pear roasted in Ashes is applied to Bruises, Swellings, and
+Inflammations; and a dram or two of the Round Birthwort is esteemed the
+best remedy in the world for the Choler. But few Compound Medicines;
+only, for that dreadful scourge the Plague (from which Lord deliver all
+Men not being Heathens!), they commonly use a Mixture of Myrrh, Saffron,
+Aloes, and Syrup of Myrtle-berries,--which does not hinder 'em from
+dying like Sheep with the Rot.
+
+There are no Public Clocks here; those contrivances, with Bells, being
+held an Impious Aping of Providence. And the only way you have of
+telling the Time is by the Fellows up in the Minarets calling 'em to
+Prayers. Some of the rich Agas have Watches, bought or stolen out of
+Europe; but they are usually spoilt by the Women of the Harem playing
+with 'em. The Dey's principal Wife, Zoraide Khanum, is said to have
+boiled a large Gold Chronometer, made by Silvain of Paris, with Cream
+and Sweet Almonds. Yet does a remnant of their Ancestors' old skill in
+Arithmetic and Algebra linger among 'em; for whereas not One in Twenty
+Thousand can do an Equation (and Captain Blokes taught me, and I have
+since forgotten How), yet the Merchants are frequently very dexterous in
+Reckoning by Memory, and have also a singular method of Numeration, by
+putting their hands into each other's Sleeves, and touching one another
+with this or that Finger, or a particular joint, each standing for a
+determined Sum or Number. Thus, without ere moving their lips,--and your
+Mussulman has a wholesome horror of squandering Words,--they conclude
+Bargains of the Greatest Value.
+
+None of the Women think themselves completely Adorned till they have
+tinged the Lashes and the edges of their Eyelids with the powder of
+Lead-Ore. This they do by dipping a Bodkin of the thickness of a Quill
+into the Powder, and dragging it under the Eyelids. This gives their
+Eyes a Sooty colour, but is thought to add a Wonderful Grace to their
+Complexions. And was not this that which Jezebel did in the Ancient
+Time?[C] The Old Custom of plighting their Troth by drinking out of
+each other's Hand is the only Ceremony used by the Algerines at their
+Marriages. The Bridegroom may put away his Wife whenever he pleases,
+upon the forfeiture of the Dowry he has settled upon her; but he cannot
+afterwards take her again until she has been Re-married and Divorced
+from another Man. After all, the Wives are only held as a better class
+of Servants, that when their Toil is over become Toys. The greater part
+of the Moorish Women would be esteemed Beauties even in England, and as
+Children they have the finest Complexions in the World; but at Thirty
+they become Wrinkled Old Women. For a Girl is often a Mother at Eleven,
+and a Grandmother at Twenty-two; and their Lives being generally as long
+as Europeans, these Matrons often live to see Children of many
+Generations. They are desperately Superstitious, and hang the Figure of
+an Open Hand round the Necks of their Children; and never an Algerine
+Pirate goes out of Port without such a Hand painted on the Stern, as a
+counter Charm to an Evil Eye. Truly there are some Christian Folks not
+much less foolish in their Superstitions; and Rich and Poor among the
+Neapolitans carry a forked bit of Coral about with them, to conjure away
+this same Evil Eye, which they call _Gettatura_.
+
+They have a kind of Monks called Marabutts, who are supposed to lead an
+Austere Life, and pass their lives in counting a Chaplet of Ninety-nine
+Beads; but who are, in truth, Impudent Beggars, Thieves, and
+Profligates. And this is pretty well the Character of the whole body of
+Algerines, from the Dey in his Palace to his Father who sells Sheep's
+Trotters. There are a few Grave People, in no constant Employ (that it
+is to say, they have made their fortunes by Murder and Piracy, and are
+now Retired), who spend the day, either in conversing with one another
+at the Barber's Shops, or at the Bazaars and Coffee-houses. But the
+greater part of the Moorish and Turkish Youth are the wildest of
+Gallants and Roysterers, and waste their time in the most unseemly
+Fandangoes.
+
+_Item._--These Marabutts are no better than the Mountebanks I have seen
+at the Carnival of Venice or at Southwark Fair. One Seedy Mustapha tells
+me that a neighbouring Marabutt had a solid Iron Bar, which, upon
+command, would give the same Report and do as much Mischief as a Piece
+of Cannon. At Seteef, too, there was one famous for Vomiting Fire; but
+the Renegado Baupwitz, who had seen him, assured me 'twas all a trick;
+that his Mouth did certainly seem to be all in a Blaze, while he
+counterfeited Violent Agony; but that on close inspection it appeared
+that the Flames and Smoke with which he was surrounded arose from Tow
+and Sulphur, which he had contrived to kindle under his Hyke. The most
+commendable thing I can find in the Algerine Character is the great
+respect they pay to their Dead. They don't cram 'em into stifling little
+Graveyards in the midst of crowded towns, as we do, to our injury and
+shame; but have large Burial-grounds, at a good distance from their
+towns and villages. Each Family has a particular Part, walled in like a
+garden, where the Bones of their Ancestors have remained undisturbed for
+many generations. The Graves are all distinct and separate, and the
+space between as planted with Beautiful Flowers, bordered round with
+Stone, or paved over with Tiles. The Graves of the Great People are
+likewise distinguished by Square Rooms with Cupolas built over them,
+which, being kept constantly clean, whitewashed, and beautified,
+nevertheless continue like the hypocrites, and are but Sepulchres full
+within of nothing but Dead Men's Bones.
+
+It happened one fine Autumnal Afternoon, that, my Services as
+Cymbal-Player not being required until the Dey's Supper after Evening
+Prayers, I was wandering for mere Amusement in some of the
+least-frequented Streets of the City; which are here, for the sake of
+Shade, mere narrow Lanes, without any Pavement but Dust, and without a
+Door or Window from twenty yards to twenty yards. In fact they are but
+Passages between almost dead walls; the Houses themselves generally
+standing in the midst of the Gardens. Now I quitted the Street of
+Baba-zoun by the Street of the Shroffs, or Money-changers, designing to
+reach the Gate of the River; but the Streets are all so much alike that
+I lost my Way, and went blundering on from one Lane into another, till I
+almost despaired of finding my Road back again. I should be too late for
+the Dey's Supper, thought I; and although Jack Dangerous was never given
+to Trembling, I began to feel very uncomfortable concerning the Notice
+that Mahomet Bassa, who was never known to have Pity on any Human Being,
+Man, Woman, or Child, might take of my Absence. For these accursed
+Algerines are most cruel in their Punishments. Trials are very swift,
+and Sentence is always executed within half an hour afterwards. Small
+Offences are punished with the Bastinado, or the Rhinoceros Whip. For
+Clipping or Debasing the Public Coin the old Egyptian punishment of
+cutting off the Hands is inflicted, although the Dey, in one of his
+Furies, has been known to have the Base Money melted and poured down the
+Coiner's Throat. If a Jew or a Christian is guilty of Murder, he is
+Burnt alive without the gates of the City; but for the same Crime the
+Moors and Arabs are either Impaled, hung up by the Neck over the
+Battlements of the City, or thrown upon Hooks fixed upon the Walls,
+below, where they sometimes hang in Dreadful Torments for Thirty and
+Forty hours together before they Expire. The Turks, however, out of
+respect for their Characters, are sent to the Aga's house, where they
+are either Bastinadoed or Strangled; and when the Women offend, they are
+not exposed to the populace, but are sent to a private House of
+Correction; or, if the Crime be Capital, they are sewn up in a Sack,
+carried out to Sea, and Drowned. And for especial Criminals is reserved
+the Extraordinary Barbarous punishment of Sawing Asunder; for which
+purpose they prepare two Boards, of the same length and breadth as the
+Unfortunate Person, and, having tied him betwixt them, begin sawing at
+the Head, and so proceed till he is divided into Halves. 'Tis said that
+Kardinash, a person who was not long since Ambassador at the Court of
+England, suffered in this wise merely for maintaining, in the face of
+the Dey, that the King of Great Britain had only One Wife.
+
+All these Grim Probabilities did I revolve in my mind, as the Sun went
+on sinking, and I could meet nothing but a few Rapscallion Boys that,
+when I strove to stammer out a few words of Arabic to ask my Way,
+laughed and jeered in their Impudent manner, and flung handfuls of Dust
+at me. Just as I was losing all Patience, and determined to Knock at the
+first door I came to, and make my state known at all hazards, there came
+upon me at the corner of a street the Figure of a Woman, Muffled up, as
+'tis their fashion, in her Hyke and Burnouse, so that I could only see
+her Eyes, which were smeared over with the usual Black Stuff, but which
+seemed to have somewhat of a Yellowish Cast. I started, as if she were a
+Ghost just risen from the ground; but indeed she had only just stepped
+out from a little Garden-door, that now stood Ajar. From the folds of
+her White Burnouse now came out a plump Hand, very Glossy, but very
+Black. She first laid her Finger on that part of her Hyke where her
+Mouth might be, to command me to silence; then touched me on the Arm;
+then pointed to a Latticed Window high up in the wall, to give me to
+understand that some one had been Watching me from there; and then
+beckoned me to Follow her. I was wofully perplexed, and, thought I, "The
+Dey will have no Cymbals to his Supper to-night, that's certain." Still,
+it is never to be said that J. D. ever shirked an adventure that
+promised aught of Love or Peril; and had it been into the jaws of a
+Lion, I must have followed the Negro Emissary. After all, I reasoned, I
+was a proper-looking Fellow, although no longer in my First Youth, and
+my hair beginning to whiten somewhat; but Love levels ranks, as my Lord
+Grizzle has it in Tom Thumb; and I was, perhaps, not the first Frank
+Slave who was favoured by a beauteous Moorish Lady. A Moorish Beauty!
+Why, this might be, after all, a Princess, a Sultana, a Turkish Khanum!
+It turned out, however, far differently from what I had expected.
+Following the Slave, we quitted the street and passed through a Porch,
+or Gateway, which the Negress carefully locked after her. We now entered
+upon a Court, with Benches on either side, and paved very handsomely
+with Marble, covered in the middle with a rich Turkey Mat, and sheltered
+from the heat of the weather by a kind of Veil, expanded by Ropes from
+one side of the Parapet-wall, or Lattice of the Flat Roof, to the other.
+So into a little Cloister running round this Court, and up a little
+winding stone Staircase into another Cloister or Upper Gallery. Then at
+a Door all covered with rich Filigree-work in Gold and Colours did the
+Negress knock; and by and by a soft silvery Voice, of which the sound,
+somehow, made me start and tremble much more than that of the Old
+Knight of Malta had done, said a few words in Arabic, and we went in.
+
+I found myself in a large square Apartment, with curious latticed
+Windows, through which the Evening Sunlight came, in the prettiest of
+patterns, and fell, like so many spangles disposed by an artful
+Embroiderer, upon the rich Carpet. A great Divan, or stuffed Bench of
+Crimson Damask, ran all round the room, with many soft pillows and
+shawls upon it; and on this Divan, upon the side opposite the door, sat
+an Eastern Lady, amazingly Dressed. She had laid aside her Hyke, which
+was of white silk gorgeously striped with gold and crimson Bars, and all
+dotted with Bullion Tassels, and sat in a tight-fitting jacket of Red
+Velvet, open in front, where you could see the Bosom of her Snowy Smock
+all blazing with Emeralds and Rubies. I had never seen so many of the
+latter kind of Jewels since the days of my Grandmother, in her Cabinet
+of Relics. Round her Waist was swathed a great Cashmerian Shawl, very
+rich and noble, and with a heavy Fringe; and from among the folds peeped
+out a little Poniard with a jewelled Hilt, and a knife with a Gold and
+Mother-of-pearl Haft to cut her Victuals. She wore loose Trowsers, or
+Drawers, of a very fine spun silk, covered with a raised pattern in gold
+thread, that, as is the custom of the Moorish Women, were fastened at
+the Knee, and then fell in quite a torrent of Drapery down to her
+Ankles, nearly covering her pretty Feet. A sweet Fashion, and very
+Modest. As to the Feet themselves,--the smallest, sure, that mortal
+woman ever had,--I could, rapid as was my survey, see that she wore no
+Hose; but her tiny Toes were thrust into Slippers or Papowshes of blue
+velvet, all heightened and enriched with Gold Orris and Seed Pearls. On
+her head was a dainty little cap, of the Fez Pattern, but of velvet
+instead of cloth, jewelled; and from it hung a monstrous Tassel of Gold,
+which reached half-way down the Back. As for her Hair, it hung very
+nearly down to the ground, being all collected into one Lock, and bound
+and plaited with Ribbons; and being thus adorned, were tied close
+together above the Lock, the several corners of a Kerchief, made of thin
+flexible plates of Gold, cut through, and engraved in imitation of Lace.
+In one hand she held a great Fan, of Peacock's Feathers, with a Mirror
+in the midst; and a handle of Gold, Emeralds, and Agate, that would have
+driven a Duke's-Place Jew crazy to look at; and in the other,--well, you
+know that Oriental Fashions are different from ours, and that the Paynim
+nations have the strangest of Manners and Customs,--I declare that in
+the other Hand--the dexter one--the Lady held the Tube of a
+Tobacco-pipe, the which she was smoking with great Deliberation and
+apparent Relish. But 'twas a very different Pipe to what we are in the
+habit of seeing in England--having a Bowl of fine Red Clay encrusted
+with Gems, a long straight tube of Cherry-wood, and a Mouthpiece of
+Amber studded with Precious Stones. This Pipe they call a Chibook, and
+they smoke it much as we do our common Clay things; but there's another,
+which they call a Nargilly, like the Hubble-bubble smoked by the proud
+Planters in the Dutch East Indies. With the Nargilly, the Smoke passes
+first through Rose-water, to purify it; and after passing through many
+snake-like coils of silk and wire tubing, the Smoker gulps it down
+bodily; so that it goes into his Lungs, and must make them as sooty as a
+foul Chimney. Many of the Turks are so handy at this nasty trick, that
+they can make the Smoke they have swallowed come out of their ears,
+eyes, and nostrils; but I envy them not such Mountebankery, and when I
+smoke my Pipe, am content to Blow a Cloud in a moderate and Christian
+manner.
+
+I have kept you so long describing this Eastern Lady's Dress, that you
+must be growing impatient to know whether her Face matched in
+handsomeness with her Apparel; but there was the Deuce of it; for while
+I stood before her, staring and Wondering over her splendid Habiliments,
+I could catch ne'er a glimpse of her Countenance, which was entirely
+concealed from view by the Veil they call a _Formah_, which is made of
+a very fine gauzy stuff, but painted in body-colour in a pattern so as
+to make it Opaque, and so artfully disposed as to hide the Face without
+shading any of the splendour of the Dress. And though I could not make
+out so much as the tip of the Lady's Nose, I had a queer sensation that
+she was looking at _me_, nay, even that her eyes were twinkling in a
+merry manner under her Veil. And so I remained Dumbfoundered, quite
+uncertain as to the kind of Adventure that had befallen me. Had some
+Moorish or Turkish Dame designed only to Divert herself at the expense
+of a poor Christian Slave? or was the Veiled Lady only some artful
+Adventuress of the Jewish, Armenian, or Cophtic Nation, of whom there
+were many here, affecting great magnificence in their Habits and Living?
+
+Full Ten Minutes had the Lady so gazed upon me, I staring stupidly at
+her, and the Negress continuing to enjoin me to silence by putting her
+finger to her Lips. Then clapping her little hands together (I mean
+that the Lady did, for the Black Woman's were sad Paws), in tumbles from
+a little door at the side of the Divan a Negro Urchin about eight years
+of age, very richly clad, who at her command brings Pipes and Coffee;
+and, signs being made to me, I sat down on a couple of Pillows on the
+Ground, smoked a Chibook, emptied a Cup, not much bigger than an
+egg-shell, of Coffee,--very Bitter and Nauseous here, for they give you
+the Dregs as well as the Liquor,--all the while staring at the Lady as
+though my Eyeballs would have started out of my Head. And by this time
+the Sun had quite gone down, and as there is but little Twilight in
+these parts, the Shade of Evening fell like a great black Pall over the
+Room; so the little Black Urchin came tumbling in again with a couple of
+Lamps, which he set down before the Divan. These cast a very soft and
+rosy Light, passing through folds of Pink Silk; and as soon as my eyes
+grew accustomed to 'em, I could see that the Lady had raised her Veil,
+that she was looking upon me with a pair of Dark, Roguish, Twinkling
+Orbs, and that I was sitting in the presence of my kind Protectress,
+Lilias.
+
+"What think you of this for an Opera Habit, goodman Cerberus?" cried
+she. "Is this not much better than the Ballet of Orpheus? And, goodness!
+what strange Accoutrement have you, too, got into?"
+
+When my first ecstasies of Joy and Amazement were over, I explained to
+my Dear Patroness the Reasons (none of my own choosing) for appearing in
+such a Garb as I then wore; telling her how I had been Galley-Slave, and
+was now Cymbal Player, to the Unbelieving Dey of Algiers; and with great
+Humility did I ask after her Honoured Parent, and seek to know by what
+uncommon Accident she, the erst Ballet Dancer in the King's Opera-House
+at Paris, had come to be the tenant of this Outlandish House, and
+arrayed in this Heathen Habit. She answered me with that Candour and
+Simplicity which I ever found characteristic of her. Old Mr. Lovell was
+still alive, and in Paris; and this is how his Daughter had become
+separated from him. A very brilliant Engagement, as First Dancer,
+indeed, had been offered to her at the King's Theatre at Palermo; and,
+after long unsuccessful importunities addressed to the Gentlemen of the
+French King's Chamber to cancel her Engagement, these instances, owing
+to the untiring influence of Cardinal de ----, had succeeded, and she
+was allowed to depart. Full willingly would she have taken her Papa with
+her as a Travelling Companion; but the Old Gentleman was now very
+Infirm, and averse from Moving; and so Lilias was placed under the
+Guardianship of an old Spanish Lady, the Senora Satisfacion de Mismar,
+who was the Palermo Manager's Aunt, made his engagements for him abroad,
+and played the Duenna or Singing Old Woman in his Comedies and Operas at
+home. Nothing could be properer than this arrangement, Donna Satisfacion
+being a Personage of exceeding Discretion and Propriety of Behaviour; so
+the two, with half a dozen more little Dancing-girls that had been
+hired to fill inferior places, started for Bordeaux, whence they
+designed to take shipping for Palermo. But by ill luck there was no
+Packet or Merchant Vessel bound for Sicily to be taken up for a long
+time; and so they were fain to travel to Toulon, avoiding Marseilles,
+where the Plague then was very bad, and thence by way of Nizza to Genoa,
+where they found a Brig bound for Messina, which they thought would
+serve their turn. And, in truth, the poor souls found it but too well
+served; for the Brig was captured off Bastia in Corsica by one of these
+diabolical Barbary Rovers, all on board made Slaves, and carried, not
+into Algiers, but into Sallee. There, after much suffering, poor Donna
+Satisfacion de Mismar died of a Distemper of the country, and poor
+Lilias was left without any other Protector than her own Virtue and a
+kind Providence.
+
+'Twas a terrible condition to be left in: Young, Fair, Friendless, and a
+Slave among these Moorish Barbarians. By Heaven's Mercy, however, the
+dear Girl came to no Harm. 'Tis the custom, before the Christian
+Women-captives are exposed for sale in the public Slave-Market, where
+they are Handled and put through their paces as though they were so many
+Cattle, for a Private Inspection of 'em to be made by the rich Persons
+of the place, who come and take Pipes and Coffee with the Merchant,
+glance over his Stock in a respectful Manner, and often strike a Bargain
+there and then. The Girls for sale are apparelled in a sumptuous manner,
+bathed, perfumed, and trinketed out for their Private View; and their
+Captors seek to render 'em docile by giving 'em plenty of Sweetmeats. As
+if the intolerable pangs of Slavery were to be allayed by Lollipops! It
+chanced that among the visitors to the Merchant's House was one Hamet
+Abdoollah, a very Learned Man, a Physician by Trade, and equally trusted
+by the Bey of Tunis, the Dey of Algiers, and him who reigned at Tripoli;
+but who would not devote himself to the service of any of these
+Potentates, but, loving an independent life, served all with equal
+fidelity, sometimes even travelling so far as the Capital of Morocco,
+where he was in high favour with the Savage who calls himself Emperor of
+that country, which would be as piratical as the Barbary States, only it
+has less Seaboard. The father of this Physician had been quite as
+learned a Man as he, and by the name of Muley Abdoollah had travelled
+much in Western Europe, where by his Skill and Erudition he had gained
+so much consideration among the Polite as to be elected a Correspondent
+Member of the Royal Society of England and the Paris Academy of
+Sciences. His son was one of the wisest and justest and most merciful of
+his Species, as you will presently have cause to admit. He was struck at
+once by the Beauty, Intelligence, and Goodness of Lilias, and his humane
+heart recoiled at the thought of what her fate might have been among a
+people given up to Cruelty and Lust. He forthwith bought her of the
+Merchant at a fair price; for although that crafty and rapacious
+Slave-Dealer would have made him pay Through the Nose for his Treasure,
+knowing the Physician to be a man of great Wealth, he forbore in very
+shame from his extortion; for Hamet Abdoollah had but just saved his
+little son out of a Fever, after he had been given up by all the
+Ignorant Leeches of Sallee.
+
+So Lilias became the Bond-servant, but only so in name, to this Wise and
+Good Man. As her dearest wish was now to rejoin her Father, he undertook
+to send her back to France, and with that view did remove with his
+precious charge to Algiers, only exacting from her a promise that while
+she remained under his protection she would wear the Moorish Habit and
+pass as his Wife, so as to avoid Insult when she walked abroad. But of
+any thoughts of Love and Intrigue the Good Man was entirely free. He was
+wrapped up in the study of the Healing Art, and troubled his head much
+more about Drugs, Cataplasms, and Electuaries, than about the Bow and
+Arrows of Dan Cupid. Though why the God of Love should have been
+christened Daniel, it puzzles me to comprehend. This accounts for the
+manner in which I had found my dear Protectress caparisoned in every
+respect as a Moorish Dame. She told me that this was by no means the
+first time she had seen me, and that my being Cymbal-Player in the Dey's
+Musicians was very well known to her, and that her kind Guardian was on
+the point of petitioning the Dey to release me from Servitude, when by
+accident she espied me from the Window, and could not resist the
+temptation of having me called in.
+
+But, in her sweet regard for what was due to Modesty and Decorum, she
+would have no Parley with me save in the presence of the Black
+slave,--'tis true that she did not understand a word of English--and
+directly she had come to an end of her Narrative, she sent the Tumbling
+Urchin to inquire whether the Physician had come home, the part of the
+House she occupied being quite separate and distinct from his. The
+smutty little Imp comes back bringing word that Hamet would wait upon
+her presently; and anon, after discreetly tapping at the door, he came
+in, a grave, Reverend Man, in a flowing Robe of Sad-coloured Taffety,
+and with a long White Beard and Green Turban; for he had made the Mecca
+Pilgrimage, and yet abstained from assuming the title of Hadji, to which
+he was entitled. He spoke very good French, and even a little English
+(learned from his Papa); and when I was made known to him, asked for
+news of Dr. Mead and Sir Hans Sloane, although I could tell him but
+little of that worthy and deceased Gentleman.
+
+"Happy is the Wooing that is not long a Doing," they say; and, by this
+time, you will probably have discovered that I Loved Lilias Lovell very
+dearly. 'Twas no Ramping, Rantipoling, Fiery-Furnace kind of Calf Love
+on my part, but a matured and sensible admixture of Gratitude and
+Sincere Affection. I scorn to conceal that although I knew myself to be
+by Lineage worthy the hand of a Gentleman's Daughter,[D] I was aware
+that, by the Meanness of the condition under which I was first known to
+the Lovell Family, a Gulf yawned between their Estate and mine; and
+that, warm and devoted as was my Love for the Pretty Little Creature I
+had saved from the Flames, I could but deem that she reckoned the Humane
+Dog Cerberus of the Opera Ballet as of no greater account than a real
+Doggish Mastiff. But, to my extreme Amazement and Felicity, this was not
+so. I was beloved by this amiable Young Person, to whom Ambassadors were
+proud to go on their knees, and whom Gentlemen of the Chamber would have
+covered with Diamonds. With a charming frankness, blushing and
+stammering, yet with Virginal Pride, she confessed that she was
+enamoured of me, and, if Fortune were propitious, would gladly be my
+Wife. I could at first scarcely realize the possibility of such great
+and unmerited Happiness; for well did I know the disparity in Age that
+existed between us--how Rough and Weather-beaten was I; and she, how
+Tender, Delicate, and Good! "But does not the Ivy twine round the Oak?"
+quoth the Physician, as he smote me cheerfully on the Shoulder. And
+behold, now, gnarled and battered old Jack Dangerous, with this
+delicious little Parasite creeping toward and Nestling Round him.
+
+
+FOOTNOTES:
+
+[C] 2 Kings, ix. 30.
+
+[D] I preserve a fragment of what His Eminence was pleased once upon a
+time to write to me, in his curious Italian way of spelling the French
+tongue:
+
+"_Si cieu che vous m'avez dict sur vostre Naissance e vray, vos esteo
+digne di monter dedans le carozze du Roy._"
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST.
+
+OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF MY ADVENTURES IN
+RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MY
+GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE.
+
+
+'TWAS the advice of the Good Physician, that, to prevent Accidents, we
+should be Married without delay; for in these hot countries you are here
+to-day and gone to-morrow, and no one can tell what may happen.
+Difficulties almost insurmountable, 'tis true, seemed to stand in the
+way of our Union; but Hamet Abdoollah was able to act almost a
+Magician's part to bring about our Happiness. I was for the time being
+bestowed in his House, and the next morning the Physician hies him to
+the Dey, who was in a Fury about me, and was threatening all kinds of
+Bowstrings and Bastinadoes. But his Highness happening likewise to be
+suffering from Toothache, and as a Man with a Raging Tooth would give
+all the Treasures of Potosi to be quit of his Agony, the Physician
+promised to Relieve him forthwith if he would grant his Suit. The Dey
+promised him any thing he could wish for, and so Hamet Abdoollah cures
+him with a little Phial full of nothing but Tar Balsam. 'Tis but just to
+the Mussulmans to say, that when they have once given their Word of
+Honour, they keep it with Extreme Rigour; so that when the Physician
+begged pardon for me, and License to purchase me out of the Dey's
+service and take me into his own, the Suit was very cheerfully granted.
+Joyfully Hamet Abdoollah repairs to us again, with a Firman under the
+Dey's own Signet granting me my Liberty; and that very forenoon my
+silver Collar, Anklets, and Manacles were stricken off,--the Physician
+returning them to the Dey's Treasury,--and I was no longer a Slave.
+
+Although there is no Man alive who mislikes Popery and its Superstitious
+Practices more than does J. D., there is one order of Nuns and one of
+Monks for whose members I entertain a profound Love and Reverence. Of
+She-Religious, I mean those Blessed Sisters of Charity who go about the
+World doing good, braving Sickness, succouring Misery, assuaging Hunger,
+drying up Tears, and smiling in the Face of Death: God bless those Holy
+Women, say I, wheresoever they are to be found! and in our own
+Protestant country of England, why should we not have similar
+Sisterhoods of Women of Mercy, or Deaconesses, bound by no rigid vows,
+and suffering no ridiculous Penances of Stripes and Macerations, but
+obeying only the call of Religious Charity, and going Quietly and
+Trustfully about their Master's Business? Of He-Monks, I mean the
+Fathers of the Work of Redemption, or Redemptorists, whose sole business
+it is to travel about Begging and Praying of the Rich for money to
+Ransom poor Christian bodies out of Slavery; which is a better work, I
+think, than praying for the deliverance of their Souls out of Purgatory.
+These Redemptorist Fathers have a permanent Station and Correspondence
+at all the Piratical Ports of the Barbary Coast; and at stated times,
+when they have gathered enough Money to redeem a certain number of
+Christians, a body of the Fraternity visit the Station, take away their
+Sanctified Merchandise, and by their Humble and Devout Carriage, and
+exemplary Poverty of Life, extort admiration even from the Bloodthirsty
+Heathens.
+
+Now at Algiers, about this time, there was suffered to dwell an old
+Religious of this Order, Le Pere Lefanu,--who for his Virtues and Piety
+was esteemed even by the Mussulman Ulemas, and was thought a good deal
+more of than any of their Marabutts or Santons, which is a name they
+give to a kind of wandering Idiots, who, the Crazier they are, are
+thought the more deserving of Superstitious Veneration. Pere Lefanu was
+nearly ninety years of age, and had dwelt among these Barbarians for
+full sixty years of his Life, passing his time in Meditation, Prayer,
+and the Visitation of the Sick and Needy, both among the Unbelievers and
+the Christian Slaves, and at the same time transacting all necessary
+business with the Dey's Head-men for periodically redeeming those that
+were in Bondage. Our good Physician had a profound esteem for this
+Reverend Person, and often visited him; and now it was through his
+Ministry that Lilias and I were to be made One. I had forgotten to say,
+that my departed Saint was of the Communion opposite to mine; but in a
+land of Pagans 'tis as well to forget all differences between Papists
+and Protestants, and to remember only that we are Christians. Pere
+Lefanu had been ordained a Secular Priest before he had become a Regular
+Monk, and, he told me that if I had any Conscientious Scruples as to the
+Husband being a Protestant and the Wife of another way of Thinking, I
+could have the marriage done over again in whatever way I thought proper
+on our return to Europe. But I was in far too great a Hurry to be
+Married to look too narrowly which way the Cat jumped; and a Romish
+Wedding is surely better than jumping over a Broomstick, which, unless
+we had adopted the uncouth Moresque custom, would have been all the
+Ceremony of Matrimony we could have had. So Pere Lefanu came privately,
+to avoid Gossip, to the Physician's House, and Lilias Lovell and John
+Dangerous were made One in the French Language, the contracting parties
+being English, the Bridegroom's best man a tawny Mahometan Moor, and the
+only Bridesmaid a Black Negress.
+
+Our Honeymoon (we continuing to dwell in the House of the good Hamet
+Abdoollah) was one of unmixed Joy and Gladness; but 'twas too complete
+to last long, and soon came a black Storm to lash into fury the calm
+surface of our Life's Lake. Seized with a Malignant Distemper, and after
+but three days' Sickness, the good Hamet Abdoollah died. His Pillow was
+smoothed by our reverent hands, and with his dying breath he blessed us.
+I know not if there be any Saints in the Mussulman Church; but if ever
+a man deserved Canonization from whatsoever Communion he belonged to, I
+am sure it was Hamet Abdoollah, the Moorish Physician.
+
+His Skill in Medicine had brought him great Wealth, of which, although
+he was always distributing Alms to the Poor, he left a considerable
+Portion behind him. In his last moments he sent for the Cadi and Ulema
+of his Quarter, for his will to be made, or at least to assure them by
+word of mouth of his Testamentary Intentions, which among this People
+would have been as religiously carried out as though he had written
+them. But, alas! when the Cadi and Ulema arrived, he was speechless, and
+died without word or sign of his Wishes.
+
+His Relations came forthwith to administer to his Effects, and (if truth
+be not unpalatable to English Heirs, that often do the same thing) to
+fight and squabble over the administration thereof. A pretty Noise and
+Riot they made: now weeping and howling over the Corse; now bursting
+open Trunks, wrenching Trinkets from each other, striving to convey
+away Garments and Furniture, and even tearing down the hangings of Rich
+Stuff. Only the Harem, where my one True Wife was, remained inviolate
+from these Harpies; but me they overwhelmed with the most injurious
+Invectives and accosted by the foulest epithets, calling me Infidel,
+Pig, Giaour Dog, Frankish Thief, and the like, telling me that I had
+fattened long enough on the Substance of a True Believer, with the like
+opprobrious speeches. I let them have their way, only giving them to
+understand that the first Man who should attempt to cross the Threshold
+of my Harem, it were better for him that he never had been Born.
+
+Soon, however, came a greater Heir at Law than any of these, to take
+possession of the Dead Man's heritage. The news of Hamet Abdoollah's
+decease had come to the ears of the Dey; and straightway he sends down a
+strong guard of Coglolies to Seize all in his Name, specially enjoining
+the Bullock Bashee in command to put the big Christian Slave (meaning
+myself) in Fetters, and equally secure, although with lighter bonds,
+the fair Frankish Woman, meaning my dear Wife Lilias. All this was no
+sooner said than done. The Rough Soldiers burst into the House, and, to
+prevent any misunderstanding about me, a Cloth (for which I was quite
+unprepared) was thrown over my head from Behind; and while I was yet
+struggling to free myself from this blinding Incumbrance, the Gyves were
+passed over my Wrists and Ankles. And then they removed the Cloth, and,
+laden with heavy Chains, I had to behold in Despair their Invading the
+Sanctity of my Harem, and tearing therefrom my Lilias. In vain did I
+Shout, Threaten, Grind my Teeth, Implore, Promise, and strive to Tear my
+Hair. They only Laughed; and one Brutish Coglolie made as though to
+strike me with the flat of his Sabre, when I out with my foot, all
+fettered as it was, and gave the Ruffian a blow on the Jaw, the which,
+by the momentum given by the Iron, I thought had stove it in. This much
+infuriated his Savage Companions; and I doubt not but they would have
+finished me, but the Bullock Bashee, who had orders to the contrary,
+constrained them to stay their hand.
+
+What became of my dear Lilias, I was not allowed to know. She was borne
+away, shrieking and calling on me, with Streaming Eyes, for help; and I
+saw her no more. Myself they dragged downstairs; and when we were come
+into the street, flung me, fettered as I was, over the back of an
+Artillery Horse, where I lay, face downwards, and in a kind of stupor,
+as listless as a Miller's Sack; and so, my Gyves jingling and
+clattering, I was conveyed away.
+
+The cruel and remorseless Dey of Algiers I saw no more. Some spark of
+shame there might perchance be in the Ruffian's Breast that forbade him
+to gaze upon the man he had pardoned and enfranchised, and had now
+traitorously Kidnapped. I suppose that in the Thieves' philosophy of
+this Fellow he reasoned that, if promises are to be kept to Live Men,
+there is no need to keep them unto Dead ones; that he was released from
+all his obligations by the demise of Hamet Abdoollah; and that, as the
+Physician could not cure him of the Toothache again, if he chanced to
+get it, 'twas idle to continue bestowing Favours where no Benefits could
+be derived.
+
+Into a wretched Dungeon of the Arsenal was poor J. Dangerous thrust,
+with naught for victuals but Musty Beans and Stinking Water. When I had
+been here, groaning and gnashing my teeth, for seven days,--which seemed
+to me thrice seven years,--a Rascally Fellow that I knew to be a Scribe
+belonging to the Divan of the Dey comes into my Dungeon to tell me that
+the Packet-ship has come in from Marseilles, and that in answer to my
+letter to Monsieur Foscue, that Merchant sends word that he knows
+nothing at all about me; to which the Rascally Scribe adds, in the
+Lingua Franca, that I was no doubt an Impostor who had trumped up a
+convenient Fable of my being a Gentleman, and having Correspondents who
+would be Answerable for my Ransom in Europe, in order to get better food
+and treatment until the real truth could be known. Whereupon he tells
+me that his Highness the Dey had not yet quite made up his mind as to
+whether he shall have me Impaled, or merely Flayed Alive, and so slams
+the door in my Face.
+
+In this Horrible Dungeon did I continue for seven days more, mostly
+grovelling on the ground, my face downwards, and praying for Deliverance
+or Death. I had a mind to dash my Brains out against the slimy walls of
+the Cell, but was only stayed by the thought of my Lilias. 'Twas always
+night in the abominable Hole, which was lighted only by a hole in the
+roof, about four inches square, and which gave not into the open air,
+but into a Corridor above. But on the fifteenth night of my Captivity,
+for I judged it so by the utter darkness, the door of the Dungeon
+opened, and the Blessed Old Man that was a Redemptorist Father appeared,
+bearing a Lantern.
+
+"You have that about you, my son," says he, "which should be a sign that
+you are a trusted Agent of Holy Mother Church. Can you show it?"
+
+I pointed with one of my fettered hands to my Breast, and made signs for
+him to search for that he was in quest of. The which he did, and after
+reverently kissing the Parchment I had between the Glasses, restored it
+to me.
+
+"You have been most basely entreated," he continued. "Monsieur Foscue
+sent ample funds for your Ransom, and his Eminence is most anxious for
+your safety; but the cruel Moorish Prince who governs this unhappy city,
+after taking the money, feigned that you had made your Escape from the
+Arsenal, designing to keep you here in Chains and Hunger until you
+should Perish."
+
+He paused for a moment, for his Great Age made him very feeble, and then
+continued:
+
+"I can deliver you from this Abode of Misery; but it is not in my power,
+my son, to give you entire Deliverance. Would that I could! You have but
+to follow me to the Quayside, where you will find a boat to convey you
+on board a Turkish Merchant-ship, that to-morrow morning weighs anchor
+for Constantinople. You will still be a Slave to the Captain, but to
+your own ingenuity I leave it to obtain complete Freedom."
+
+"And my Wife--my dear, dear Lilias?" I asked.
+
+The Ancient Man shook his head.
+
+"I can do nothing to bring you together again. She cannot follow you to
+Stamboul; but by Perseverance, and in Time, you may be restored to her."
+
+"Time!" I cried out in bitter desperation. "Time! O Father! I am growing
+an old man. She is the stay and prop of my Life; she is the one ray of
+sunshine cast on a Black and Wicked Career! And she is taken from me by
+these Butchers! and I am to see her no more? What care I for Hunger and
+Chains, and a Dungeon-floor for a Pallet? They have been familiar to me
+from my earliest youth. If I am not to have my Lilias's sweet
+companionship again, I will remain here, in this Hole, and die like a
+Dog, as I am."
+
+"Take comfort, my son," said the Redemptorist Monk. "Time and
+Perseverance may, I repeat, enable you to attain your heart's desire.
+Meanwhile, console yourself with the assurance that the Fair and Good
+Woman, who is your Wife, is out of peril from lawless men. By the same
+Packet-ship that brought the Letters from Monsieur Foscue came a Sum
+sufficient Doubly to Ransom the Young Woman. The benignant protection of
+his Eminence has been extended to her, and she will in a few days return
+to France, and to her Father."
+
+"But can I not see her?--cannot I touch her Hand?--can I not press her
+Lip?--for one brief moment, and for the last time?"
+
+"It is impossible," answered the Monk. "She is watched, both by Day and
+Night, by zealous agents of the Dey, and I have no means of access to
+her. 'Twould be death both to you and to myself were I to seek to bring
+about a meeting between you. Even now the precious moments are wasting
+away. In another hour the Guard will be changed, and your Escape
+impossible."
+
+"And how is it possible now?" I asked. "And will no one come to Hurt
+through my evasion?"
+
+"It _is_ possible," he repeated. "You have to walk but from hence to the
+Outer Gate and the Quayside. Immediately you have departed, the Body of
+a poor Christian Slave, of your age and stature, who died this morning
+at the Arsenal, will be conveyed here, and garnished with your Chains.
+The Dey will be told that you have died in Prison. He loves not to look
+upon the faces of those he has murdered, and will take the word of the
+Aga, who is in our pay. Come! there is not an instant to be lost. Here
+is the key to your Fetters. Unlock them, and follow me."
+
+With a heart that was now elated with the prospect of Deliverance, and
+now sunk at the thought that I was still to be separated from my Lilias,
+I did as the good Redemptorist bade me, and, casting my accursed
+Shackles from me in a heap, limped slowly forth--for the Iron had
+wofully galled me. Outside the Dungeon-door stood a couple of Coglolies,
+with their Turban-cloths let down over their faces to serve as Masks,
+who swiftly unlocked what Doors remained between us and the Sea Rampart.
+The Monk pressed my Hand, gave me his Blessing, bidding me hope for
+Better Times, and disappeared. Guided by the Coglolies, and, indeed,
+half supported by them, I was put into a Boat waiting at the Quayside,
+as the Monk had told me, and ten minutes' hard pulling brought us
+alongside a large craft, on board which, I being so weak, they were fain
+to hoist me with Ropes. By this time I had sunk into a kind of Lethargy,
+and, being conveyed below and put into a cot in the Master's Cabin, fell
+into a slumber, which lasted for very many hours.
+
+The Captain of this ship was an English Renegado, named Sparkenhoe. He
+had served as Midshipman and Master's Mate in a King's ship; but having
+been, as he conceived, unjustly Broken for hot words that passed
+between him and the Captain,--this took place at Gibraltar,--had
+deserted, and hid himself on board a Merchant Brig bound for Tangier. At
+last, being fond of a Roving Life (and having the misfortune to kill the
+Captain of the Merchant Brig in a dispute concerning some Bullocks they
+were shipping), he had turned Mussulman; and after living some time
+among the Buccaneers of the Riff, had come to Algiers, and been made
+Captain of a Merchantman trading to the Dardanelles, and doing a bit of
+Piracy when opportunity served. 'Twas full five-and-twenty years since
+he had Run from the King of Great Britain's service; and although his
+Blue Eyes and enormous Red Whiskers still gave him somewhat of a Saxon
+appearance, he had very nearly forgotten his Mother Tongue, and only
+retained English enough to enable him to mingle a few Billingsgate Oaths
+with his barbarous Levantine Lingo.
+
+This fellow, whom I heartily despised, for he had kept all the Vices of
+his former Religion, and had acquired none of the Virtues of his new
+one, was civil enough to me, and informed me that all he could do for
+me, in return for the Bribe he had received from his Employers, would be
+to deliver me to a Slave Merchant at Constantinople, who would place me
+out in Domestic Service where I should not be ill-treated. But he very
+strongly advised me to turn Turk or Renegado, as he himself was, saying,
+that in such a case he would land me perfectly free at the Porte, where
+I should doubtless find some profitable Employment. This I scornfully
+refused; whereupon he shrugged his Shoulders, and said that I was a
+Fool, but might possibly think Better of it in Time.
+
+After three weeks' coasting among the Isles of the Grecian Archipelago,
+and so into the Sea of Marmora, we steered into the Dardanelles 'twixt
+the Castles of Europe and Asia; and the same night the Slave-Dealer
+comes off in a private Caique--as the Turks call their Canoes,--and the
+Renegado delivered me up to him. I was taken to his House at Galata,
+where I was kept very close for two or three weeks, and was then sold
+to a Merchant of Damascus in Asia, that had come to Constantinople with
+the Autumn Caravans, to dispose of his cargo of Silk and Attar of
+Roses--a very fine and subtle Perfume, one drop of which is sufficient
+to scent an entire House.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+'Twas in the autumn of the year 1759 that I so came to Damascus, and for
+ten years did I remain in that city,--all the time without hearing one
+word from my dear Wife. Had I been in the Capital, where Foreign
+Ambassadors reside, I could not, as a Christian, be detained in Slavery;
+that being guarded against by Treaties between the Crown of Great
+Britain and the Sublime Porte. But in this remote part of the Empire,
+these and many other worse enormities were possible; and I remained as
+one Dead and Buried. To a few English and French Travellers passing
+through Damascus did I tell my piteous Tale, and entreat their help; but
+the account that I gave of myself was so rambling and confused, and
+contained, I could but confess it, many Incredible Particulars, that I
+could plainly see no one believed my Tale, or accounted me as aught but
+a half-mad Fellow that had run away for some misdeed from a Ship in port
+on the Coast of Syria, and was now trying to cadge Sympathy for a
+Pretended Grievance. At last I gave up complaining. Slowly, but surely,
+my memory of my former life began to Decay, and even the knowledge of
+mine own Language faded away, and became weaker and weaker every day. I
+dressed, I ate, I drank, I slept in the Eastern Fashion, and in all but
+religion I was a Turk.
+
+Meanwhile I had gained in the favour of my Master. He was about mine own
+age when he purchased me, and we grew old Together. At first I was
+employed as a mere Menial, in carrying of Bales and Packages, and
+tending of Camels; but by degrees I was promoted to be his Warehouseman,
+Clerk, Cashkeeper, and at last his Partner. In that capacity he sent me
+to manage a large silk-plantation of his in the Lebanon; and after two
+years of that work I left him with a fortune of no less than five
+hundred Purses of Gold (about 20,000_l._ of our Money), to set up on my
+own account in the City of Broussa. He made no attempt (nor had he at
+any time done so) to combat my Religious Scruples, but counselled me to
+behave in all things outwardly as a Turk; and if anything was said of my
+being in countenance a Frank (though I was swarthy enough from my Long
+Journeyings), to account for it by saying that I was an Affghan born,
+out of India. He died very soon after I settled at Broussa, and the
+secret of my being a Christian died with him. It is true that, for mere
+Policy's sake, I did go through the Mummeries of outward Mahometans, and
+had my Rosary and my Prayer-carpet like other Merchants of Broussa; but
+I scornfully deny that I was initiated, or submitted to, any Heathenish
+Rites; and I am ready to maintain now, Cut, Thrust, or Backsword, that I
+was then as stanch and leal a Protestant as I am now.
+
+Under the name of Gholab Hassan, of Affghanistan, and a True Believer, I
+prospered exceedingly, almost entirely forgetting my own country. 'Tis
+true I always preserved an affectionate remembrance of my dear Wife
+Lilias; but she seemed to me in the guise of some Departed Angel, whom I
+had been privileged to behold but for a Short and Transient Period.
+Among these Pagans, as is well known, Polygamy is permitted; but that is
+neither here nor there; and I was now an Old, Old Man.
+
+'Tis ten years since, namely, A.D. 1770, that a great Insurrection
+against the Authority of the Porte, or rather of the Bashaw of the
+Province, who had been laying on the Taxes with somewhat too heavy a
+hand, broke out in Broussa. The infuriate Populace burnt the House of
+the Bashaw about his ears, plundered the Bazaar, and were proceeding to
+further extremities, when, a puff of my old Martial Spirit reviving
+within me, I collected a trusted band of Porters and Camel-drivers,
+rallied the Turkish Troops, who were flying in all directions, reformed
+them, scattered the Insurgent Mobile, and did (I promise you) speedy
+execution on some Scores of them. The Insurrection was very speedily
+subdued, and all Broussa was filled with the praises of my Valour and
+Discretion. The Bashaw was a poor Good-natured kind of Creature, Brave
+enough, but so Fat that when he mounted on Horseback they were obliged
+to put one of the Pillows of his Divan on the pummel of his saddle to
+keep his Stomach steady. An end, however, was put to the discomfort he
+suffered through Corpulence, by the arrival, three weeks after the
+suppression of the Insurrection, of a Tartar Courier, who brought with
+him a Bowstring and a Firman from the Grand Seignor. By means of the
+Bowstring, the Fat Bashaw was then and there strangled,--for they do
+things in a very off-hand manner in Turkey,--and when the Firman was
+opened by his Vizier it was found to contain, not his own nomination to
+the Bashawlik, which he fondly expected, but the appointment of the
+Merchant Gholab Hassan, that is to say, JOHN DANGEROUS, that is to say,
+your Humble Servant, to the vacant Post, and commanding my immediate
+attendance at the Porte to receive investiture with the Three
+Horse-tails of Office.
+
+I was at once saluted as Gholab Bashaw, and the next day set forth
+amidst great Acclamations, and in sumptuous state, for Constantinople.
+Arrived there, I was handsomely lodged in a Palace close to the Old
+Seraglio, and admitted to no less than three solemn Audiences with the
+Commander of the Faithful, the Caliph Al Islam, the Padishaw of Roum,
+the Great Turk himself.
+
+I could not help smiling at myself, now arrayed in all the pomp and
+glory of an Exalted Functionary, and in the true Turkish fashion. 'Tis a
+custom (through Ignorance of those parts) with the Limners of Europe to
+portray all Osmanlis with long Beards; and, for truth, as a Merchant at
+Broussa, I had a great grizzled one of most Goatish appearance; but
+among the Bashaws and all those engaged in the Military Service of the
+Grand Seignor, or holding Employments in the Seraglio, they wear only a
+fierce and martial pair of Whiskers. The most distinguishing sign of a
+true Mussulman is, after all, his Sarik or Turban, made in two parts,
+namely, a Bonnet, and the Linen that is wrapped round it. The former a
+kind of Cap, red or green, without Brims, and quilted with Cotton. About
+this they roll several folds of Linen Cloth; and it is a particular art
+to know how to give a Turban a good air; it being a trade with 'em, as
+the Selling of Hats is with us. The Emirs, who boast of being descended
+from the race of Mahomet, wear a turban all green; but that of the
+common Turks is red, with a white border, so distinguishing 'em from the
+Christians. Next I wore great long Breeches of a 'broidered stuff, and a
+Shirt of fine soft calico, with wide Sleeves, but no Wristbands or
+Collar; and over this a Cassock or Vest of fine English Cloth, reaching
+to the ankles, and buttoned with buttons of gold, about the bigness of a
+peppercorn. This was tied with a broad Sash or Girdle, which went
+thrice round the waist, with the ends hanging down before, and two
+handsome Tassels. Over all this another Garment, richly laced, and lined
+with Furs of the Martin or the Badger. In my Girdle a Dagger, about the
+size of a case-knife, the handle curiously wrought, and adorned with
+Precious Stones. And as the Turkish tailors make no pockets to their
+vestments, Purse, Handkerchief, Tobacco-box, and things of that nature
+must needs be put into the Bosom, or thrust under the Girdle. Instead of
+Shoes, a pair of Slippers of yellow leather; which, whenever you enter a
+Mosque or the presence of a Superior, you must put off on the threshold.
+This custom makes the soles of a Turk's feet always ready for the
+application of the Talack or Bastinado, from which argument neither high
+nor low are exempt.
+
+_Item._--The Women here very richly dressed, but sad Gossips, and a
+Lazy, Lolloping kind of creatures; which they must needs be, poor souls,
+seeing that they have no sort of Education, and are kept mostly in
+seclusion, talking of scandal, sucking of sugar-plums, showing their
+brave apparel to each other, and thrumming upon the Mandolin. A
+galloping, dreary, dull place indeed is a Turkish Harem. As to the
+qualities of the mind, the Turkish Women want neither Wit, Good Sense,
+nor Tenderness; but the constraint that is put upon 'em, and the jealous
+eye with which they are guarded, makes 'em go a great way in a little
+time, and make an ill use of the Liberty which is sometimes granted
+them. The old women-slaves of the Armenian and Jew Merchants, who are
+the confidantes of the Turkish women, enter their apartments at all
+hours, under the pretence of bringing them Jewels, and often favour
+their amours with brisk young fellows. The usual hour for intrigue is
+the hour of morning and evening Prayers, when the Husbands are away at
+the Mosques. In case of Discovery the Turks are masters of the Lives of
+their Wives; and if they have been convicted in form, they are sewn up
+in Sacks, and thrown into the Sea. And even if a Guilty Woman's life is
+spared, she is condemned to marry her Gallant, who is sentenced to die,
+or must turn Mahometan, supposing him to be a Christian. The least
+punishment for a man who has broken the Seventh Commandment is to ride
+through the streets upon an Ass, with his face towards the Tail, to
+receive a certain number of Blows upon the Soles of his Feet, and to pay
+a Fine in proportion to his Estate.
+
+But though a duly invested Bashaw of Three Tails, I was not fated to
+remain long in that Capacity. For once, however, my Destiny, in
+subjecting me to Change, played me a kind instead of a spiteful Turn.
+Going to visit the French Ambassador, who was then in high favour at the
+Porte, I found there, living under the protection of his Family, a Lady,
+who was no other than my dear Wife Lilias, and with her a Daughter,
+called after her own name, who was now twelve years of age. Her History,
+as she related it to me, was brief, but amazing. Both her Father and the
+Cardinal died about two years after her return from Captivity; but she
+found a new guardian in my old friend Captain Night, or Don Ercolo
+Sparafucile di San Lorenzo, the Knight of Malta, who had retired from
+that Island to end his days in France. She was enabled to cheer the
+declining years of that Gallant Gentleman, who had preserved a lively
+remembrance of his old _Protege_, Jack Dangerous; and when he died, he
+left her the whole of his large fortune. All these years she had
+remained in a dreadful state of uncertainty, till, through the kind
+offices of the French Minister of Police, she was made acquainted with
+the last dying avowal of a Pirate Renegado, named Sparkenhoe, who had
+expired at the Galleys of Marseille, and stated that, in the year 1759,
+he had conveyed a refugee Christian Slave from Algiers to
+Constantinople, where he had been sold to a Merchant of Damascus. In the
+almost desperate hope of discovering some Tidings of me, my Wife and
+Child had journeyed to the Porte, where they were most kindly received
+at the French Embassy. They had given up almost every prospect of
+meeting me again, when I made my sudden appearance in the strange Guise
+of a Turkish Bashaw.
+
+Under ordinary Circumstances, it might have gone hard with me; for the
+Turks reckon it as an unpardonable crime for a Christian to assume the
+Mussulman Garb, and conform outwardly to that religion, without having
+gone through the Proper Rites. However, as I have said, the French
+Ambassador was just then in high favour with the Porte. He made interest
+with the Captain Bashaw, the Kislar Aga, and the Grand Vizier himself.
+The services I had rendered to the Great Turk by suppressing the
+Insurrection at Broussa were taken into consideration; and it was at
+length agreed, that if I would convey myself away privately, and take my
+Wife with me, no more should be said about the matter. It was given out
+at Broussa that I had been appointed to another and more distant
+Government; and he who had been Vizier to the unlucky Fat Man got his
+much-coveted Preferment, and, I have no doubt, was very happy in it,
+till the inevitable Tartar came, and he was Bowstrung, like his
+predecessor. So Gholab Bashaw resigned the Three Horse-tails that during
+so brief a period had waved at his Flagstaff, and became once more plain
+JOHN DANGEROUS. The Sublime Porte, however, confiscated all my Property
+at Broussa, including my Wives--I mean, my Women Servants.
+
+With my Wife and Child I now returned to Europe, full of Years, and, I
+hope, notwithstanding some Ups and Downs, full of Honours too. We were
+in no hurry, however, to return to England; for I had wandered about
+Foreign Parts so long in Discredit, and Danger, and Distress, that I
+thought myself well entitled to see the world a little in Freedom and
+Independence, and with a Handsome competence at my Back. Therefore, as
+the Chevalier Captain John Dangerous,--I have dropped my Knightly rank
+of late years,--and furnished with all necessary passports and
+safe-conducts, we made our way across the Black Sea to Odessa, a mean
+kind of place, but rising in the way of trade; and after a most affable
+reception by the Russian Governor of that place, journeyed at our ease
+through the Tauric Chersonese, now wrested from the Tartar Khans of
+Simpheropol, and belonging to the Muscovites. Next, in a handsome
+wheeled carriage-and-four, we made for the great City of Moscow,--the
+old Capital of the Great Dukes of Russia,--where we abode two whole
+years, and went among the very best people in the place; although I had
+an ugly Equivoque with a young gentleman of Quality that was an officer
+of Dragoons, and who, I declare, stole a diamond-mounted Snuff-box of
+mine off my wife's Harpsichord, putting the same (the Snuff-box, I mean)
+into the pocket of his pantaloons. Him I was compelled to expel from my
+house, the Toe of my Boot aiding; and meeting him subsequently at a
+Coffee-house, and he not seeming sufficiently impressed with the
+turpitude of his Offence, but the rather inclined to regard it as a
+venial Prank or Whimsey, I did Batoon him within an inch of his life,
+and until there were more wheals on his Body than bars of silver-braid
+on his Jacket. This led to a serious misunderstanding between Justice
+and myself. I was not Imprisoned, but was summoned no less than
+fifty-seven times before a kind of Judge they call an Assessor, who
+addressed a number of interrogatories to me, which, at a moderate
+computation, reached, in the course of five weeks, three thousand seven
+hundred and nine questions. This might have gone on till Doomsday, but
+for the kind offices of a Muscovite friend, who hinted to me that if I
+discreetly slipped a Bank-bill for five hundred roubles into the hand of
+the Examining Judge, I should hear no more of the affair. This I did,
+and was soon after honourably acquitted; after which I gave the young
+Spark whom I had batooned his revenge, by allowing him to duff me out of
+a few score pieces at the game of Lansquenet. By and by, being tired of
+Moscow, we removed to the stately northern Capital, Petersburg, where I
+had a handsome mansion on the Fontanka Canal, and was on more than one
+occasion admitted to an audience with the Empress of Russia, the mighty
+Czarina Catherine; a fine, bold, strapping woman, with a great taste for
+Politics, Diamonds, the Fine Arts, and affairs of Gallantry. The First
+time I made my obeisance to her Majesty (which was at her summer
+residence of Peterhoff, on the River Neva), she deigned, smiling
+affably, to say to me:--
+
+"_Ah, ah! vous etes le Sabreur anglais qui avez rosse mes gens, la-bas,
+a Moscou. Je voudrais que vous en fissiez autant pour mes faquins de
+Chevalier-Gardes a Petersbourg._"
+
+I was given to understand in very high quarters that I had only to ask,
+to receive a lucrative and honourable Appointment in the service of the
+Czarina,--either as a General by Land, or as an Admiral at Sea; but I
+was sick of fighting, and of working too; so at last, in disgust, I gave
+up my House, and taking shipping with my family at Cronstadt, retired to
+Hamburg, whence, after a brief sojourn, I travelled to France.
+
+My sainted Wife, with whom, after our reunion, I lived most happily,
+died in Paris, in the year 1773; and then, feeling my Days drawing to a
+close, and desiring to lay my Bones in my own Country, I returned to
+England, after an absence of more than Thirty Years. Finding that the
+old Mansion that had belonged to my Grandmother was for sale by Public
+Auction, I purchased the Freehold, repaired and beautified it, and came
+to reside in it, occupying my long and happy leisure by the composition
+of these Memoirs. And if any one of my Readers experiences one-hundredth
+part the pleasure in Reading these Pages (and that I dare scarcely hope)
+that I have experienced in Writing them, John Dangerous will indeed be
+amply repaid.
+
+
+          THE END OF THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN
+                           DANGEROUS.
+
+
+
+
+NOTE EXCULPATORY.
+
+
+IT may be as well to state, for the benefit of sticklers for matters of
+fact, that, in the episode relating to Arabella Greenville, the manner
+of death ascribed to Lord Francis Villiers is, as Dr. Colenso would say,
+"un-historical." The young nobleman in question was slain in battle; and
+the description of his execution at Hampton Court is one of the few
+instances of the Romancer's licence I have allowed myself in these
+volumes.
+
+                                                            G. A. S.
+
+
+
+
+Messrs. Tinsley Brothers'
+
+PUBLICATIONS.
+
+WORKS IN THE PRESS.
+
+In the Press, in 2 vols., 8vo,
+
+ABEKOUTA:
+
+AND
+
+AN EXPLORATION OF THE CAMEROON MOUNTAINS.
+
+By CAPTAIN RICHARD F. BURTON, Author of "A Pilgrimage to Elmedinah and
+Meccah," &c.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Press, in 2 vols.,
+
+MARTIN POLE.
+
+By JOHN SAUNDERS, Author of "Abel Drake's Wife," &c.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready,
+
+A NEW AND CHEAPER EDITION IN 1 VOL., PRICE 6S.
+
+LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET.
+
+By the Author of "Aurora Floyd."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Press, in 3 vols., post 8vo.
+
+MY WANDERINGS IN WEST AFRICA:
+
+FROM LIVERPOOL TO FERNANDO PO.
+
+By F. R. G. S.
+
+                      [Ready in April.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Press, in 3 vols., post 8vo.
+
+ALTOGETHER WRONG.
+
+By the Author of "The World's Furniture."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+In the Press, a New Edition, price 6s., uniform with "Guy Livingstone,"
+
+BARREN HONOUR.
+
+By the Author of "Guy Livingstone," "Sword and Gown," &c.
+
+
+
+
+WORKS JUST PUBLISHED, AND IN CIRCULATION AT ALL THE LIBRARIES.
+
+NOTICE:
+
+AURORA FLOYD,
+
+BY THE AUTHOR OF
+
+"LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET."
+
+The Fifth Edition is now Ready, at all the Libraries, in 3 vols.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+This day, at every Library, in 3 vols.
+
+THE HOUSE
+
+BY THE
+
+CHURCHYARD.
+
+By J. SHERIDAN LE FANU.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready, at every Library, in 3 vols.
+
+A TANGLED SKEIN.
+
+By ALBANY FONBLANQUE.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready, the Five-Shilling Edition of
+
+GUY LIVINGSTONE.
+
+By the Author of "Barren Honour," "Sword and Gown."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready, in 2 vols.
+
+THE LITERATURE
+
+OF
+
+SOCIETY.
+
+By GRACE WHARTON,
+
+One of the Authors of "The Queens of Society," &c.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Now ready, at all the Libraries, in 1 vol. 8vo.
+
+THE PUBLIC LIFE
+
+OF
+
+LORD MACAULAY.
+
+By FREDERICK ARNOLD, B.A.,
+
+Of Christ Church, Oxford.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND.
+
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Transcriber's Notes:
+
+Obvious punctuation errors repaired.
+
+Spelling being fluid in Captain Dangerous' life, spellings such as
+"Quean" (which shows up twice) were retained.
+
+Page 16, "Item" was italicised to match the rest of the usage of this
+word in this text. (_Item:_ I engaged)
+
+Page 84, "Bood" changed to "Blood" (stain of Blood)
+
+Page 127, repeated word "the" deleted. Original read: (with the the
+floor of the)
+
+Page 239, "they" changed to "the" (the Dey began to look)
+
+Page 269, the "d" in the word "and" was printed upside down originally.
+(a matured and)
+
+Page 279, "Coglololies" changed to "Coglolies" to fit rest of usage
+(guard of Coglolies)
+
+Varied hyphenation in this book includes: a-piece and apiece, Gunshot
+and Gun-shot; maingears and main-gears; Night-cap and Nightcap; Red-hot
+and Redhot.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Strange Adventures of Captain
+Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3, by George Augustus Sala
+
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